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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Wish
+       A Novel
+
+Author: Hermann Sudermann
+
+Translator: Lily Henkel
+
+Release Date: October 28, 2010 [EBook #33886]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WISH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Bowen, from page scans provided by the Web Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+1. Page scan source: http://www.archive.org/details/wishnovel00suderich
+
+2. The diphthong oe is represented by [oe].
+
+
+
+
+
+                                THE WISH
+
+
+                               _A NOVEL_
+
+
+
+
+                                   BY
+                           HERMANN SUDERMANN
+
+
+                             TRANSLATED BY
+                              LILY HENKEL
+
+
+                  WITH A BIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTION BY
+                             ELIZABETH LEE
+
+
+
+
+
+                                NEW YORK
+                        D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
+                                  1895
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                         _Authorized Edition_.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                             INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+Since the beginning of time men have been accustomed to regard the end
+of a century as a period of decadence. The waning nineteenth century is
+no more fortunate than its predecessors. We are continually being
+invited to speculate on the signs around us of decay in politics, in
+religion, in art, in the whole social fabric. It is not for us to
+inquire here concerning the truth or the ethics of that belief. But, as
+far as literature is concerned, it is very certain that the last years
+of the present century will be remembered for the extraordinary talent
+shown by a few young novelists and dramatists in most of the countries
+of Europe. In England, we can point to Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Mr. J.
+M. Barrie; in France, to M. Paul Margueritte and M. Marcel Prévost; in
+Belgium, to M. Maurice Maeterlinck; in Germany, to Gerhard Hauptmann,
+Ludwig Fulda, and Hermann Sudermann.
+
+The events of Sudermann's life are few; and he has the good sense to
+prefer to be known through his works rather than through the medium of
+the professional interviewer. The facts here set down, however, we owe
+to the courtesy of Sudermann himself a circumstance that lends them an
+additional interest.
+
+Hermann Sudermann was born September 30, 1857, in Matzicken, a poor
+village in Heydekrug, a district of East Prussia, situated on the
+Russian frontier. It is not unlikely that the following passage taken
+from one of his novels bears some resemblance to the place:--
+
+"The estate that my father farmed was situated on a high hill close to
+the Prussian frontier; an uncultivated, wild park sloping gently
+towards the open fields formed one side of the hill, while the other
+sank steeply down to a little river. On the farther side of the stream
+you could see a dirty little Polish frontier village.
+
+"Standing at the edge of the precipice you looked down on the ruinous
+shingle roofs; the smoke came up through the rifts in them. You looked
+right into the midst of the miserable life of the dirty streets where
+half naked children wallowed in the filthy where the women squatted
+idly on the threshold, and where the men in torn smocks, with spade on
+shoulder, betook themselves to the alehouses.
+
+"There was nothing attractive about the town, and the rabble of
+frontier Cossacks, who galloped here and there on their catlike, drowsy
+nags, did not increase the charm."
+
+Sudermann began his education at the school of Elbing. But his parents
+were in poor circumstances, and at the age of fourteen he found it
+necessary to think about earning a living, and was apprenticed to a
+chemist. He continued his studies in his leisure time with such good
+results that he returned to school, this time at Tilsit. In 1875 he
+went to the university of Königsberg, and in 1877 to that of Berlin.
+His first intention was to become a teacher, and while still pursuing
+his studies undertook for a few months the duties of tutor in the house
+of the poet Hans Hopfen. But in 1881, after six years spent in studying
+history, philosophy, literature, and modern languages (Sudermann
+understands English perfectly), he turned to journalism, and edited the
+_Deutsches Reichsblatt_, a political weekly. He soon threw aside
+newspaper work for true literature, for what the Germans call
+_belletristik_, and he has become famous through his novels, short
+stories, and plays. He is good-looking, with a dark melancholy face
+that lights up with a most remarkable and expressive smile when he
+speaks; nothing could be more unaffected than his manner, nor more
+charming than his whole personality. As yet there is no Sudermann
+Society for the discussion of the author's works, but in Berlin, where
+he has many admiring friends, Sudermann occasionally reads to them his
+productions while they are yet unpublished. The little story called
+_Iolanthe's Hochzeit_ was first heard in that way.
+
+Although Sudermann's work is in all its aspects essentially modern,
+indeed all the conditions and problems of modern life have the highest
+interest for him, he belongs to no class, ranges himself with neither
+realists nor idealists, and bows to the yoke of no literary fashion. In
+common with all great artists, Sudermann paints his own age, but while
+portraying men and women as he knows them, in the nineteenth century,
+he gives them, at least in his novels and tales, the human nature that
+is the same through all time. He has lived in Berlin, and his dramas
+give us life in that city both among the proletariat and the rich
+middle class. He has lived in East Prussia, and there is laid the scene
+of his longer novels. He is familiar with other parts of Germany, with
+Italy, and with Paris, and everywhere he has used his gift of keen
+observation to good purpose. A certain melancholy, a feeling of the
+"inevitableness" of things, if we may be allowed the expression, runs
+through all his writings, and may perhaps be traced to the effect on
+his sensitive and high-strung nature of the East Prussian landscape,
+amid which he spent his boyhood. The meadow-flats and corn-lands, the
+meagre pine-woods, and dark, lonely pools of his native district, form
+the background of most of his tales. Numerous passages might be quoted
+which would serve to show the melancholy and loneliness of the
+landscape. As an example we may take:--
+
+"Thick and heavy as if you could grasp them with your hands, the clouds
+spread over the flat land. Here and there the trunk of a willow
+stretched forth its rugged knots to the air, heavily laden with moisture.
+The tree was soaked with damp, and glistened with the drops that had hung
+in rows on the bare boughs. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road that
+ran between withered reeds and sedge.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"The moon stood high in the heavens and shed her calm, bluish light far
+over the sleeping heath. The clumps of alders on the moor bore wreaths
+of lights and from the slender silvery trunks of the birches which
+bordered the broad straight road in endless rows, came a sparkle and
+brightness that made the road seem as if lost far below in the silvery
+distance.
+
+"Silence all around. The birds had long ceased singing. A stillness of
+the late summer time, the complacent stillness of departing life lay
+over the broad plain. You scarcely heard the sound of a cricket in the
+ditches, or a field-mouse disturbed in its slumbers, gliding through
+the tall grass with its low chipping whistle."
+
+Such pictures constantly meet us in the pages of Sudermann's books;
+taken in connection with their setting, they are often of great force
+and beauty. Nothing, however, is obtruded; there is no searching after
+a dramatic background, or undue word-painting; everything is in keeping
+with and subordinate to the main interest of the tale.
+
+With such surroundings, Sudermann cleverly assimilates his characters.
+They are mostly the victims of circumstances which they are more or
+less unable to overcome. In some cases the fault, as with Leo
+Sellenthin in _Es war_, Sudermann's latest novel, lies in the weakness
+or sinfulness of the man; in others, in surroundings and events for
+which the man is not himself directly responsible. Sometimes the noble
+unselfish love and devotion of a woman make a happier state of things
+possible; Sudermann is a firm believer in the power and influence of
+good women in human life. His women are not so sharply outlined as
+Ibsen's, but he recognises in the sex, though much more vaguely, like
+possibilities. For example, Leonore in _Die Ehre_ sees the folly and
+emptiness of fashionable life and has the courage to give her hand
+where she loves, to a man who, by her set, would be considered far
+beneath her. Magda, in _Heimat_, refuses to desert her child. And his
+young girls are even more charming, more natural than those of Ibsen.
+Eager-hearted Dina Dorf, with her desire for a larger life in the
+world; hard-working Petra Stockman with her delight in her work and her
+unflinching truth and honesty; Bolette Wangel with her desire for
+knowledge, "to know something about everything" are, as everybody
+knows, among Ibsen's most delightful creations. In _Es War_ Sudermann
+gives us as perfect and natural a study of a young girl as we have met
+with in fiction or the drama for a very long while. Hertha cherishes a
+secret love for a man much older than herself but has reason to fear
+that his affections are set on a married woman, the wife of his best
+friend. To Hertha's innocent and unworldly mind this is a great puzzle;
+to her the sacredness of love between husband and wife seems a matter
+of course.
+
+"Certainly the beautiful woman was a thousand times lovelier than poor
+Hertha--and she was, moreover, much cleverer.... But could she--and
+therein lay the great puzzle, the invincible contradiction that knocked
+all suspicion on the head--could she as a married woman possibly be an
+object of love to a man other than her husband? Wives were loved by
+their husbands--that is why they are married and by no one else in the
+world."
+
+But Hertha determines to take such means as are within her power of
+discovering if suck things are possible, if such things exist. She
+first consults her books--books, of course, suited to a young girl's
+library. She goes through her novels, but nothing in them points to the
+enormity. Then she turns to the classics, to Schiller!
+
+"Amalie was a young girl--so was Luise--but then there was the queen of
+Spain! However, in that case it was clear as noonday how little poets
+deserved to be trusted, for that a man should fall in love with his
+stepmother could only take place in the world of imagination where
+genius, drawn away from the earth, intoxicated with inspiration, soars
+aloft. Not in vain had she, a year and a half before, written a school
+composition on 'Genius and Reality,' in which she had treated the
+question in a most exhaustive manner."
+
+She next tries her friend Elly, a girl of her own age, but much more
+experienced in the ways of the world.
+
+"'Listen, dear, I want to ask you a very important question. You're in
+love, aren't you?'
+
+"'Yes'; replied Elly.
+
+"'And you're sure the man's in love with you?'
+
+"'Why do you say "man"?' asked Elly. 'Curt is my ideal. A little time
+ago it was Bruno--and before that it was Alfred--but now it's Curt, Yet
+he's not a man.'
+
+"'What is he, then?'
+
+"'He's a _young_ man.'
+
+"'Oh! that's it, is it? No, he's certainly not a man.' And Hertha's
+eyes shone: she knew what a 'man' looked like. 'Well, darling,' she
+went on, 'do you think that a "man," or a _young_ man--it's all the
+same--could possibly love a married woman?'
+
+"'Of course--naturally he would,' replied Elly, with perfect calmness.
+
+"Hertha smiled indulgently at such want of intelligence.
+
+"'No, no, little one,' she said. 'I don't mean his own wife, but a
+woman who is the wife of another?'
+
+"'So do I! replied Elly.
+
+"'And that seems to you quite a matter of course?'
+
+"'My dear child, I didn't think you were so innocent! said Elly;
+'everybody knows as much as that. And formerly it was even worse. A
+true knight always loved another man's wife: it was a great crime to
+love his own wife. He would cut off his right hand for the stranger's
+sake, and would die for her, pressing her blue favour to his lips; for
+you see at that time they always wore her blue favour. You'll find it
+in every history of literature.'
+
+"Hertha became very thoughtful. 'Ah! in those days!' she said, with the
+ghost of a smile; 'in those days men went to tournaments and stabbed
+each other in sport with their lances.'
+
+"'And to-day,' whispered Elly, 'men shoot each other dead with
+pistols.'
+
+"Hertha felt as if she had been stabbed to the heart, and the little
+pink and white daughter of Eve continued, 'I think it must be quite
+delightful when one is married to know that some one is hopelessly in
+love with you. It's quite certain that most unhappy love affairs arise
+in that way.'
+
+"The next day Hertha questioned her grandmother.
+
+"'Grandmother, I'm grown up now, aren't I?'
+
+"'Yes--so, so,' answered the old lady.
+
+"'And probably I shall soon be married.'
+
+"'You!' shouted her grandmother, in deadly terror. Doubtless the
+wretched child had come to confide in her the addresses of some booby
+of a neighbour.
+
+"'Yes.' continued Hertha, inarticulately and with great hesitation;
+'with my big fortune I am not likely to be an old maid.'
+
+"'Child!' exclaimed the old lady, 'of whom are you thinking?'
+
+"Hertha blushed to her neck. 'I?' she stammered, trying to preserve an
+indifferent tone of voice, 'of nobody.'
+
+"'Oh, then you were merely talking generally?'
+
+"'Of course; I only meant generally'
+
+"'Well, and what do you want to know?'
+
+"'I want to know--how it is with--you understand--with love
+when one----'
+
+"'When one----'
+
+"'Well, when one is married?'
+
+"'Then you go on loving just as you did before.' replied her
+grandmother, lightly.
+
+"'Yes, I know that. But suppose you love another man to whom you aren't
+married?'
+
+"'Wha--t!' In her terror the old lady let her spectacles fall off her
+nose. 'What other?'
+
+"Hertha suddenly felt as if she must collapse. She had to summon all
+her courage and pull herself together in order to go on.
+
+"'Can't it happen, grandmother dear, that some one to whom you're not
+married takes it into his head----'
+
+"'My dear child' replied the grandmother, 'never come to me with such
+foolish questions. You cannot understand such things. Now give me a
+kiss and get your knitting.'"
+
+So that plan did not answer. There was still one further possibility of
+discovery. Hertha had a school friend who had lately got married. She
+would ask her. So she began:--
+
+"'Wives love their husbands, that goes without saying. But do you think
+it possible that wives can be loved by other men?'
+
+"'How odd you are', replied Meta. 'You can't prevent people loving.'
+
+"'I know that. But a man, don't you see, who would----'
+
+"'Well, that sort of thing does happen.'
+
+"'What! is some one in love with you?'
+
+"Meta blushed, 'I don't bother about it. It's quite enough that Hans
+loves me, and of course I should very politely forbid anything of the
+sort.'
+
+"'Then people do forbid such things?'
+
+"'Certainly, if they're told of it.'
+
+"'What! you might be told?'
+
+"'Sometimes, if the man who is in love with you is very bold.'
+
+"'Good gracious,' said Hertha, shocked, 'If anyone behaved like that to
+me, I should box his ears.' But in great anxiety she continued, 'Do you
+think it likely that there are women who have a different opinion?'
+
+"'Oh, yes!' said Meta.
+
+"'Who--in the end--return the bold mans love?'
+
+"'Even so.'"
+
+Then Meta repeats certain gossip that confirms Hertha's worst fears.
+The whole chapter should be read in order to appreciate rightly the
+charm and pathos and naturalness of the delightful piece of character
+drawing.
+
+Like Ibsen and Zola, Sudermann does not hesitate to set the truth
+before us even when it is terrible or brutal or revolting. But he
+differs from them in having a less gloomy outlook, in firmly believing
+that, at the same time as human nature is coarse and brutal, stupid and
+violent, it is loving, capable of sacrifice and of deep feeling. He
+sees the strange not to say the inexplicable mixture of good and evil
+in all things human, and knows man to be neither all gold nor all
+alloy. This we take it is the true realism.
+
+To make Sudermann's point of view clear to English readers there is
+perhaps no better nor more direct way than to give a brief account of
+his works. They are three novels, _Frau Sorge_ (Dame Care), published
+in 1886, _Der Katzensteg_ (the name of a small wooden bridge over a
+waterfall that plays a prominent part in the story), 1888, _Es war_ (It
+Was), 1893; three volumes of short tales, _Geschwister_ (Brothers and
+Sisters), first published in the _Berliner Tageblatt_ in 1884 and 1886
+respectively (one of the stories, _Der Wunsch_, appears in the present
+volume), _Im Zwielicht_ (In the Twilight), novelettes written in
+various newspapers, and _Iolanthe's Hochzeit_ (Iolanthe's Wedding),
+1892; and three dramas, _Die Ehre_ (Honour), _Sodom's Ende_ (The
+Destruction of Sodom), and _Heimat_ (_The Paternal Hearth_).
+
+The most perfectly artistic of his longer novels, and that most deeply
+impregnated with the peculiar characteristics of East Prussian
+landscape is _Frau Sorge_. Paul, the hero, is born just at the moment
+when his father's difficulties make it necessary for him to sell his
+house and land: this gloomy circumstance overshadows the whole of
+Paul's life. While his brothers and sisters in spite of the family
+poverty are, in their careless, unthinking way, happy and even
+prosperous, wilfully blind to the fact that they owe all to the
+industry and continual self-sacrifice of Paul, his life is one long
+toil and struggle, one long fidelity to duty as he conceives it, one
+long effacement and suppression of self. For this he receives no
+thanks, no acknowledgment. His spirit becomes crushed, almost
+extinguished. After long years of toiling, struggling, and suffering,
+he is redeemed through the love of a woman, but only when he has
+sacrificed to "Dame Care" all he held most precious, and when the
+capacity in him for joy and hope has been well-nigh destroyed. The
+character portrayed with perfect art is, at the same time, faithful to
+nature: such men are rare, perhaps, but it is well that the novelist
+should remind us of their existence, and thus help us to recognise the
+potency for good that dwells in mankind.
+
+_Der Katzensteg_ is more powerful but less artistic than _Frau Sorge_.
+The German critics, however, consider it to be not only the most
+important of Sudermann's writings, but the finest novel produced in
+Germany during this century. The character of the heroine, Regine, a
+veritable child of nature, in whom savagery and lack of intelligence
+and education exist side by side with the nobility and power of
+sacrifice, of which nature in the rough is often capable, forms the
+main interest of the tale, and is a marvellous and original conception.
+There is one scene that for realism, intensity, and horror has scarcely
+been surpassed in any novel of modern times.
+
+Before turning to the short tales in which we find some of Sudermann's
+best and most characteristic work, it would be well to point out one of
+his chief titles to genius. He has the gift of being able to describe
+terrible and heart-stirring scenes, joyful or pathetic or humorous
+scenes, with the utmost simplicity of style. In a few words of the
+simplest sort he brings before our eyes living pictures. Each sentence
+palpitates with life. As we read, we seem to live with the men and
+women of his creation through their agony; we suffer as they do, and
+rejoice with them when they are glad: at times we are breathless as
+they are with suspense and excitement. And this is done without any of
+the analytical introspection with which we have become only too
+familiar in recent novels. The characters, at least in the novels and
+tales, are not mere nervous organisms, but livings loving, erring,
+feeling, human beings. The gift of terse narration joined to great
+simplicity of language is found in French writers like Flaubert and
+Maupassant, but it is new to Germany. It is, then, perhaps, Sudermann's
+highest praise that we can say of him that he possesses the strength
+without the unpleasantness of the great French writers of our day, and
+combines their artistic feeling, their power and their fine wit with
+all that is soundest and best in the Teutonic mind and character.
+
+Many of the short tales are of a less specially German cast, and
+possess an interest that is universal. _Der Wunsch_ (The Wish), for
+instance, is a powerful psychological study, set forth with wonderful
+directness and simplicity. Although the tale deals with the old theme
+of a woman who falls in love with her sister's husband, it is instinct
+with passion and original in treatment. Olga loved her sister Martha
+dearly, and had, indeed, brought about Martha's marriage with Robert
+Hellinger almost by her own efforts, but in so doing had herself,
+though unconsciously, fallen in love with Robert. Martha, always frail
+and delicate, after the birth of her child, falls dangerously ill. Olga
+goes to her to nurse her, and love for her sick sister and passion for
+Robert struggle for mastery in her soul. Thus, into a character
+entirely good, noble, and self-sacrificing, steals the wish, "if only
+she were to die!" In the event Martha does die. Then Robert's eyes are
+opened; he knows that he loves--has all along loved Olga, and he asks
+her to be his wife. At first she refuses, then consents; but the same
+night, having felt all the while that the wish for Martha's death,
+though never expressed by sign or word, makes her in a sense her
+sister's murderer, she puts an end to her life. She herself relates all
+the circumstances in a document written to explain her act to her old
+friend the physician. A couple of quotations will give a better idea of
+Sudermann's style than pages of criticism. In a few marvellous strokes
+he paints the effect on Robert of his first sight of Olga's corpse:--
+
+"When the elder Hellinger entered the room he saw a picture that froze
+the blood in his veins.
+
+"His son's body lay stretched on the floor. In falling he must have
+clung to the posts of the bier on which they had placed the dead
+woman, thus bringing down the whole erection with him, for on top of
+him--among the broken boards--lay the corpse in its long white shroud,
+the stiffened face on his face, the bare arms thrown over his head."
+
+The scenes in Martha's sick room are portrayed with an art that makes
+them live in our memory. Here is one of them, Martha lies in bed sick
+unto death. Olga and Robert, wearied out with sleepless nights and with
+their terrible anxiety, are watching her.
+
+"There was absolute silence in the half-darkened room; only the wind
+with gentle rustling, swept past the window, and the mice scratched
+among the rafters of the ceiling.
+
+"Robert buried his face in his hands and listened to Martha's dismal
+ravings. Gradually he seemed to grow calmer; his breathing became
+slower and more regular; now and again his head inclined to one side,
+but the next moment he drew it up again.
+
+"Sleep overpowered him, I wanted to persuade him to go to bed but I was
+feared at the sound of my own voice and kept silent.
+
+"The upper part of his body leaned over more and more frequently to one
+side; at times his hair touched my cheek, and groping he sought a
+support.
+
+"And then suddenly his head sank down on my shoulder and remained
+there.
+
+"My body trembled as if an incredible happiness had befallen me, I was
+seized with an irresistible desire to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+over my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads. 'He is
+beginning to get grey,' I thought, 'it is high time that he should know
+what happiness means,' and then I actually stroked his hair.
+
+"He sighed in his sleep and tried to place his head more comfortably.
+
+"'He is lying uncomfortably,' I said to myself 'you must get close to
+him.' I did so. His shoulder lay against mine, and his head sank down
+on my bosom.
+
+"'You must put your arm round him,' something within me cried out,
+'otherwise he cannot find rest!
+
+"Twice, thrice, I tried to do so, but as often drew back.
+
+"If Martha should suddenly wake! But her eyes saw nothing, her ears
+heard nothing.
+
+"And I did it.
+
+"Then a wild joy took possession of me, and stealthily I pressed him to
+me; something within me shouted joyously: 'Oh! how I would cherish and
+protect you; how I would kiss away the furrows misery has made in your
+brow, and the cares from your soul! How I would toil for you with all
+my young strength, and never rest till your eyes were fill of gladness,
+and your heart of sunshine. But to do that----'
+
+"I glanced over at Martha. Yes, she lived, still lived. Her bosom rose
+and sank in short, quick sobs. She seemed more alive than ever.
+
+"And suddenly there flamed before me, and it was as if I read written
+clearly on the wall the words:
+
+"'If only she were to die!'
+
+"'Yes, that was it, that was it. Oh! if only she were to die! Oh! if
+only she were to die!'"
+
+We have only to read Jean Ricard's _S[oe]urs_, a novel lately published
+in Paris, and dealing with the same theme, to recognise how very far
+superior is Sudermann's treatment of it.
+
+The volume of short tales entitled _Im Zwielicht_ is of a somewhat
+different character. Though coloured to some extent by the melancholy
+and "inevitableness" of the longer novels, those qualities are less
+intense, and we have lively touches of satire and brilliant flashes of
+wit that remind us of the sprightliness of French writers. The tales
+are told in the twilight by one or other of two friends, a man
+and a woman, between whom there exists merely an intellectual
+bond of sympathy and union. The stories laugh good-naturedly at
+narrow-mindedness and silly prejudice, an evil that Sudermann wisely
+recognises as existing everywhere, in the big city as in the small
+village. Women's social aspirations, their immense delight in
+entertaining celebrities, and their belief that in so doing they are
+moving in the stream of the world's history, are satirised with
+keenness and truth. He strikes a deeper note in the tale that sets
+forth the difficulties of friendship and love between a woman of mature
+years and a young man, a subject ably treated by Jean Richepin in his
+fine novel, Madame André, and it is very interesting to note the
+coincidence of view of the French and German writer. Perhaps
+Sudermann's views may help towards a satisfactory solution of that
+ever-recurring will-o'-the-wisp--platonic affection. His heroine
+declares that to turn friendship into love, or love into friendship, is
+impossible, because where such a transformation does take place, there
+must, in the first instance, have been either not friendship or not
+love. "From the day on which we reap love where we sowed friendship,
+the magic charm would be broken," she says, "Till then I was all and
+everything--then I should be merely one more." And again, "Love begins
+in the intoxication of the senses, and ends in the peace of calm
+friendship, that is marriage; the contrary is not forbidden, but it
+leads--to the desert."
+
+In _Iolanthe's Hochzeit_, Sudermann proves himself the possessor of the
+humour that borders on pathos. The little story has no tendency, it
+preaches no sermon, Onkel Hanckel, "a good fellow (_ein guter Kerl_) by
+profession," relates how he had to live up to the title, and how, at
+the mature age of forty-seven, he became, almost against his will,
+engaged to a young girl. His feelings at the wedding ceremony, his
+horror and shyness at the notion of being left alone with his bride
+afterwards, form a most delightful piece of comedy. Pütz, a surly,
+grasping, miserly, rich old man; Lothar, a dashing young lieutenant of
+dragoons; the maiden sister; and Iolanthe herself--are portrayed with a
+quaint humour of which the earlier works gave little indication, while
+the vigour, simplicity, and directness of the narrative are as fine as
+ever. The East Prussian dialect lends the original a local colour that
+would be difficult to reproduce in a translation.
+
+In his dramas Sudermann treats life very much from the same standpoint
+as Ibsen does. His characters talk a great deal, and do next to
+nothing. He wages war against shams, thinks people should live out
+their own lives and develop their individuality at all hazards. He
+presents abnormal types, men and women who would be abnormal anywhere,
+in civilised society or the reverse, and who must not be taken as
+representative of modern life. Each of the three dramas he has as yet
+given us presents a moral problem to the consideration of the
+spectators.
+
+_Die Ehre_ was first performed at the Lessing Theatre in Berlin, on
+November 27, 1889, and had an immense success. The dramatist ruthlessly
+and boldly draws aside the curtain from the false ideas of honour held
+by high and low alike, not only by the middle class and proletariat of
+Berlin, but by civilised men in general: such social conventions,
+according to Sudermann, tend to make money-getting the sole aim of the
+citizen, and help to undermine the peace and happiness of family life.
+The revelation is undoubtedly unpleasing, but all the same a great
+truth underlies it, and in the end of the play the virtuous are not
+sacrificed to the wicked. In the speeches of Count Trast, the good
+angel, the god from the machine of the drama, it is not perhaps
+altogether fanciful to see the beliefs and opinions of Sudermann
+himself. Trast's conclusion is that we shall do better to substitute
+duty for the many and varied sorts of honour recognised by society.
+
+_Sodom's Ende_ is a startling play. Even the Berlin censorship required
+alterations before it could permit the production of the drama on the
+stage of the Lessing Theatre. It still contains one scene that would
+effectually prevent its performance in an English playhouse. The drama
+takes its name from the title of a picture painted by Willy Janowski,
+who bids fair to become a great artist. But he has fallen under the
+influence of Adah Barcinowski, a cold, heartless, pleasure-loving
+woman, the wife of a wealthy stockbroker. That connection and his own
+weak nature have ruined Willy mentally, morally, and physically. He
+ceases to work, leads a life of self-indulgence, heedless of the hurt
+he does to others. The character, unpleasing as it is, is consistently
+drawn by the dramatist, for even in the pangs of death Willy does not
+cease to note the artistic pose taken by the dead body of the girl he
+has injured and betrayed. Never, perhaps, has the worst side of that
+section of frivolous idle society we are accustomed to call "smart"
+been more ably painted: its foolish vapidity, its utter futility, and
+its elegant wickedness and sinfulness, are boldly displayed.
+Unfortunately men and women without conscience, without comprehension
+of duty, have always existed and still exist, but we doubt if their
+evil influence is as far-reaching and all-important as latter-day
+novelists and dramatists would have us believe.
+
+In his latest play, _Heimat_, produced January 7, 1893, Sudermann takes
+for theme the duty owed by the child to the parent, and that due from
+parent to child. A high-spirited and talented girl, daughter of
+commonplace, conventional parents, to the scandal of all concerned,
+leaves her home to carve for herself a career in the world, and by
+reason of her fine voice becomes a celebrated singer. After an absence
+of many years chance brings her professionally to her native town, and
+a very natural desire is awakened in her to revisit her parents and her
+home. Her father, whose health had been destroyed through the effects
+of her former disobedience, wishes her to come back provided she
+renounces for ever the life she has been leading. This she has no
+desire to do, but for her father's sake she is not all unwilling to
+yield. When, however, she is further required to break with certain
+ties very dear to her, she refuses, and the father dies from the shock.
+Now when we carefully read the play, or see it acted by competent
+artists, it is clear that much might be said on both sides. But as
+there is nothing in the world more beautiful and holy than the tie that
+binds parent and child, so is the contemplation of conflict between
+them always unlovely. We grant that in the storm and stress of modern
+life such conflict is at times unavoidable, but it is scarcely the
+stuff of which works of art should be formed.
+
+A new play, a comedy, _Schmetterling-Schlacht_ (Butterfly Battle), is
+to be produced shortly at the Hofburg Theatre in Vienna. Again a moral
+problem is to be presented to the consideration of the public. The
+three heroines, honest working girls, paint butterflies on fans for a
+living. Two of the girls, tired of being sweated, give up fan painting;
+they take to painting their faces instead, and practice other
+abominations. The third girl continues her work, and remains virtuous.
+The play chiefly consists of a series of discussions between the girls
+as to which way of life is preferable.
+
+Like his contemporaries, Ibsen and Björnson, Zola and Tolstoi,
+Sudermann would transfer the sermon from the pulpit to the stage: he
+sets before us certain phases of life that have come under his notice
+in all their ugliness and brutality, and would have us forthwith leave
+the theatre sworn enemies of the evils he denounces. But his characters
+are contented to preach and discuss, they never feel that they are
+called upon to act. Thus they lack life and reality, we have little
+sympathy with them, and are never profoundly touched.
+
+As a writer of fiction, however, Sudermann's high position is
+unassailable. He ranks with the great masters in all countries who have
+sought, and are still seeking, to set before us modern life in its
+manifold aspects, in its complexity and its difficulties, but who,
+unlike the more pronounced school of naturalists, remember Joubert's
+maxim that "fiction has no business to exist unless it is more
+beautiful than reality."
+
+_August_, 1894.
+
+
+
+
+
+                               THE WISH.
+
+
+
+
+                                   I.
+
+
+In the old doctor's bedroom a cheerful fire was flickering. He himself
+still lay a-bed, quite penetrated by the delightful sensation of a man
+who knows his life's work is completed. When one has been sitting half
+a century through, for twelve long hours every day, in the rumbling
+conveyance of a country doctor, thumped and bumped along over stones
+and lumps of clay, one may now and again lie in bed till daylight,
+especially when one knows one's work is safe in younger hands.
+
+He stretched and straightened his stiff old limbs, and once more buried
+in the pillows his weather-beaten, yellowish-grey face, covered with
+white stubble like granite with Iceland moss. But habit, that austere
+mistress, who had for so many years driven him forth from his bed
+before dawn, whether it was necessary or not, would not let him rest
+even now.
+
+He sighed, he yawned, he abused his laziness, and then reached for the
+bell standing on the little table at his bedside.
+
+His housekeeper, an equally grey, tumble-down specimen of humanity,
+appeared on the threshold.
+
+"What time is it, Frau Liebetreu?" he called out to her.
+
+Since the day on which the young assistant arrived in Gromowo, the old
+Black Forest clock hanging at the doctor's bedside, and whose rattling
+alarum had often unpleasantly jarred upon his morning slumbers, was no
+longer wound up. "So that I know that my life too henceforth stands
+still," as he was wont to say.
+
+"A quarter to eight, doctor," the old woman answered, beginning
+meanwhile to busy herself about the stove.
+
+"For shame! for shame!" cried he, raising himself up, "what a lazybones
+I am getting to be! I say, have any letters come?"
+
+"Yes, a few by post, and one that young Mr. Hellinger brought himself
+two hours ago."
+
+"Two hours ago! Why, it was dark yet at that time!"
+
+"Yes; he said he had to drive out to the manor farm, and could wait no
+longer. Yesterday evening, too, when you were at the 'Black Eagle,'
+sir, he called, and sat here for about two hours."
+
+"Why didn't you send for me?" cried the doctor, in the blustering tone
+of voice of old, good-natured grumblers.
+
+"Well, and hadn't he forbidden us to do so?" cried his housekeeper, in
+exactly the same tone of voice, which seemed, however, more an echo of
+her master's manner than personal defiance. "He was sitting in the
+study till ten o'clock--or rather he was not sitting, he raced about
+like a madman, and laughed and talked to himself--I hardly knew the
+calm, quiet man again; and then I brought him beer--six bottles--he
+drained them all; and I had to drink with him. As I tell you, he was
+quite beside himself."
+
+"Ah, indeed, indeed," muttered the old man smiling to himself with
+satisfaction. "I should say Olga had something to do with that. Perhaps
+after all she----. Well, do you intend bringing me my letters to-day,
+or not?" he suddenly shouted, as if he were goodness knows how wild,
+but his face laughed the while. And when his housekeeper had
+grumblingly done his bidding, he drew out with a sure hand from the
+little heap of letters one without a stamp, not deigning to look at the
+others at all. His hands trembled with happy excitement as he unfolded
+the paper; and he read, while his grey face beamed with pleasure:
+
+
+"Dear old Uncle,--You shall be the first to know it. If only I had you
+with me, that I might press your dear old hands and tell you face to
+face what is in my heart! I do not realise it yet--my head whirls when
+I think of it! Uncle, you were at my side in the days of darkest
+trouble, helping and protecting. You were the only one to take Martha's
+part when all--even my parents turned their backs on her with coldness
+and suspicion.
+
+"You could not save her for me, uncle--the Lord asked her back of me.
+But when, at the bedside of my dead wife, my reason threatened to give
+way, you took my poor head between your hands and spoke to me--as a
+preacher speaks. And you were right. Of course I do not believe that I
+can ever quite revive and become again as I was before the cares of
+existence and my longing for Martha made my head dull and heavy; for
+even Martha--even my wife--could not accomplish that in the three years
+of our quiet happiness. But life seems about to give me whatever it has
+left for me yet of joy and peace. You know, uncle, how in the midst of
+my sorrow for my dead wife, I learnt to love her sister. Cousin Olga,
+more and more. I confessed all to you, and sought comfort with you when
+tortured by self-reproach at the thought that I was breaking my troth
+to my wife already in the year of mourning. And you said to me at that
+time: 'If the dead woman might seek a second mother for her child, whom
+else would she choose but the sister whom, next to you, she loved best
+in the world?' I was startled to the very depths of my soul, for I
+should never have dared to raise my eyes to her. But you never ceased
+to encourage me, until, a week ago, I took heart and begged her to
+share my fortunes.
+
+"You know she refused me.
+
+"She grew deathly pale--then gave me her hand, and standing up rigidly
+said to me: 'Put it from your thoughts, Robert, for I can never be your
+wife.' Then I slunk away, and thought to myself, 'It serves you right
+for your presumption.' And now, to-day----. Uncle, I cannot put it on
+paper!--my hand fails me. This happiness is too great--it came so
+unexpectedly, it almost overpowers me! To-morrow, uncle--to-morrow I
+will tell you all.
+
+"I have to go out early to the manor farm. At mid-day I shall return,
+and then forthwith shall undertake the dreaded visit to my parents. My
+mother suspects nothing as yet. Her plans have once again been
+frustrated, and Olga will have to suffer heavily enough for it. I fear
+she may even turn her out of the house. If only I had her already under
+my own roof!
+
+"It is three o'clock in the morning. Enough for to-day. Your grateful
+and happy
+
+                                          "Robert Hellinger."
+
+
+The old doctor wiped a tear from his cheek.
+
+"The dear boy," he murmured. "How his emotions crowd each other in his
+over-heated brain; and how simple, how honest everything is to the last
+jot! In truth, he deserves you, my brave, proud girl; he is the only
+one to whom I do not grudge you. And now I will put you to the test,
+and see if you too put confidence in your old uncle. Straightway I will
+do it."
+
+Laughing and growling he burrowed with his head in the pillows. And
+then he suddenly shouted with a voice resounding through the house like
+thunder:
+
+"Confound it, where are my trousers?"
+
+The trousers were brought, and five minutes later the old man stood
+quite ready before his glass, all except his greyish-yellow wig.
+
+"My hat, cloak, stick!" he shouted out into the corridor.
+
+"But the breakfast," the old woman shouted back, if possible louder
+still, from the kitchen.
+
+"Well, then, hurry up," he blustered. "Before I have read these letters
+I must have it here."
+
+With an impatient oath he set to work upon the little heap that had so
+far been lying unnoticed on the pedestal. Offers of wine--profitable
+investments--a poor, blind father with a new-born infant--and then
+suddenly he stopped short, while once more a satisfied smile overspread
+his features.
+
+"Upon my word! I should not have expected this," he growled,
+contentedly. "She, too, could not rest without confiding her happiness
+to her old uncle. That is nice of you, children! You shall have your
+reward for this."
+
+With the same happy haste with which he had opened Hellinger's letter,
+he tore this envelope asunder.
+
+But hardly had he commenced reading when with a low moaning cry he
+staggered back two paces, like one who has been dealt a treacherous
+blow. His grey face became ashy pale; his eyes started from their
+sockets, and like claws his old withered fingers clutched the
+fluttering paper.
+
+When his housekeeper brought in the coffee, she found her master
+sitting as stiff as a log in the corner of the sofa, his forehead
+covered with great drops of perspiration, and staring with fixed
+lustreless eyes at the paper which his hands still held as if in a
+cramp.
+
+"Gracious heavens, doctor!" she cried, and let the tray drop clattering
+on to the table. Her lamentations brought him back to consciousness. He
+asked for water, and drank two long eager draughts, wetted his forehead
+and temples with the remainder, and signed to his housekeeper to leave
+him.
+
+Hereupon he bolted the door, picked up the letter from the floor, and
+read with trembling, choking voice:
+
+
+"My dear, my Fatherly Friend,--When you read these lines I shall have
+ceased to live. The draughts of morphium which you gave me when I had
+forgotten how to sleep after Martha's death were carefully collected
+and kept by me; I trust they will be powerful enough to give me peace.
+
+"You who have watched over me like a second father, you shall be the
+only one to learn why I have decided to take this terrible step. In
+long winter nights, when the storm shook my gable-roof and I could not
+sleep, I wrote down everything that has been tormenting me for so long,
+and will not let me be at rest till I fall asleep for ever. On my
+bookshelf, hidden behind some volumes of Heine, you will find a blue
+exercise-book. Take it with you, without letting the others notice. And
+when you have read all, go out to my grave and there say a prayer for
+my soul.
+
+"See that I am laid to rest at Martha's side.
+
+"I loved her dearly. It is she who is calling me to her.
+
+"You will understand all when you have read my story. Perhaps you know
+more of my secret than I suspect. I suppose I must have spoken evil
+words during the delirium of my illness, else why should you have sent
+away my relations from my bedside?
+
+"Did you shudder at the things that my wretched tongue brought to
+light?
+
+"Do you pity me? Do you despise me? No, surely you do not despise me;
+or how could you have bestowed so much love upon me? And now read.
+Everything is set down there. It was not originally intended for you. I
+meant to send it after many years--when we young ones too should have
+grown old--to the man to whom my whole being belongs, so that he might
+know why I once denied myself to him.
+
+"Things have gone differently. To-day, in a moment of forgetfulness, I
+threw myself upon his neck. Too late I comprehended that now escape
+from him was no longer possible. But, rather than be his, I will seek
+death.
+
+"And I have yet another request in my heart. It is the request of one
+about to die--if you can, I know you will fulfil it.
+
+"Keep secret from the world, and especially from the man I love, that I
+took my own life. Let him believe that my happiness killed me. I shall
+destroy everything that might point to suicide; there will only be
+indications that I died of syncope or apoplexy.
+
+"From the depths of my heart I implore you to grant me this one last
+favour. I die gladly and have no fear. It is so long since I slept
+well, that I have need of rest.
+
+                                   "Olga Bremer."
+
+
+The old man felt himself in a state of utter helplessness.
+
+He staggered, clenched his fists, beat his brow, and then once more he
+fell back in his chair.
+
+"This is madness, utter madness," he groaned, wiping the cold
+perspiration from his forehead. "Child, what were you thinking of? What
+could cloud your reason like this? My poor, poor, darling child?"
+
+Then he once more jumped up and groped with trembling fingers for his
+hat and cloak.
+
+"To help! To help!" He must wrest this victim even yet from death's
+hand! That was what absorbed his whole mind at present. For a moment
+the thought came to him that perhaps after all she had not carried out
+her serious intention, but he dismissed it forthwith. He must have had
+a different knowledge of her character, to credit her with a feeling of
+fear or a failing of energy.
+
+But possibly the dose she had taken was too small, perhaps the
+long period of time--for it was more than a year since Martha
+died in child-bed, and it was then he had given her the sleeping
+draughts--perhaps the long period of time that had elapsed since then
+had weakened the efficacy of the poison. Yes, yes, it was so; it must
+be so! When badly preserved, morphia decomposes and becomes
+ineffectual.
+
+So forward to the rescue! To save what can be saved!
+
+He ran about the room in search of something: he hardly knew what he
+was seeking. Then once more he grasped the letter.
+
+"And what do you ask of me? Child, child, do you think it is such a
+light matter to perjure one's self? To throw aside like rotten eggs the
+duties to which one has been faithful for half a century? Child, you do
+not realise what you are asking of an honest man!" He Held the paper up
+close to his eyes, and once more read the passage: "It is the request
+of one about to die.... From the depths of my heart I implore you to
+grant me this one last favour."
+
+Heavy tears rolled down his weather-beaten cheeks.
+
+"It cannot be, child, it cannot be done, however well you may know how
+to plead. And even if I wished to do it, I should betray myself. I am
+an old, weak wreck; I no longer have such control over my features.
+They would notice it at the first glance. But so that you may not have
+asked it--of your old uncle--in vain--I will--at least attempt it--for
+your own sake and Robert's sake you must first of all be saved.
+Confound it all, old fellow, for once more in your life be a man you
+must save her--you must--must--must!"
+
+And as quickly as his stiff old legs would carry him, he rushed
+out--past his housekeeper, who stood listening at the keyhole--out into
+the wintry morning air which a cold drizzling mist filled with damp,
+prickling crystals.
+
+
+
+
+                                  II.
+
+
+A very picture of perfect serenity and peace of mind the couple
+Hellinger senr. made, as they sat at the breakfast-table. Out of the
+spout of the brass coffee-machine on the brightly-polished body of
+which the fire-flames produced a purple reflection, there rose up thin,
+bluish steam which sank down towards the table in little clouds, cast a
+film over the silver sugar-basin and wreathed the coffee-cups with
+delicate, tiny dewdrops.
+
+Mr. Hellinger, with his snow-white, carefully trimmed beard, and
+handsome, rosy, boyish face beaming with good nature and the pleasure
+of living, was leaning back comfortably in the blue chintz armchair,
+his Turkish dressing-gown pulled over his knees, and apparently
+awaiting with calmest resignation whatever fate, in the shape of his
+wife, might be about to bestow upon him.
+
+She (his wife) was just throwing a pinch of soda into the little
+coffee-pot, whereupon she circumstantially wiped her powdery fingers on
+her white damask apron, which was edged in Russian fashion with broad
+red and many coloured stripes. Her white matron's cap, the ribbons of
+which were tightly knotted together like a chin strap under her fleshy
+chin, had shifted somewhat towards the left ear, and from out its
+frilly frame there shone, full of energy and enterprise, her coarse,
+comfortable, sergeant-like face, whose features were rather puffed out,
+as is often observable in old women who like to share their husband's
+glass of brandy.
+
+One could see that she was accustomed to rule and to subdue, and even
+the smile of constant injured feeling that played about her broad mouth
+went to prove how inconsiderately she was wont to carry through her
+plans.
+
+So that she might not sit unoccupied while waiting for the coffee to
+draw, she took up her coarse woollen knitting, which, in her capacity
+of president of the ladies' society and directress of the charity
+organisation, was never allowed to leave her hands, and the needles ran
+with remarkable rapidity through her bony, work-used fingers.
+
+"Have you heard nothing from Robert, Adalbert?" she asked, with a hard
+metallic voice, which must have penetrated the house to its last
+corner.
+
+The question appeared to be unpleasant to the old man. He shook his
+head as if he would shake it off; it disturbed his morning
+tranquillity.
+
+"An affectionate son, one must say," she continued, and the injured
+smile grew in intensity. "Since a week we have neither heard nor seen
+anything of him; if he lived in the moon he could not come more
+rarely."
+
+Mr. Hellinger muttered something to himself, and busied himself with
+his long pipe.
+
+"It looks as if something were brewing again in that quarter," she
+began anew; "he has altogether been so peculiar lately; come slinking
+round me without a word to say for himself. It seems to me there is
+some debt hanging over him again that he can't satisfy."
+
+"Poor fellow," said the old man, and smacked his lips, perhaps to get
+rid of the unpleasant idea by this means.
+
+"Poor fellow, indeed!" she mocked him; "I suppose you pity him into the
+bargain; perhaps even you have been helping him on the sly?"
+
+He raised up his white, well-kept hands in protest and defence of
+himself, but he had not the courage to look her in the face.
+
+"Adalbert," she said, threateningly, "I make it a condition that such a
+thing does not happen again. Whatever you give him, you take from us
+and from our other children. And if at least he deserved it! but he
+that will not hear advice must suffer. If he is ruined, with his
+obstinacy and stubbornness----"
+
+"Allow me, Henrietta," he interrupted her timidly.
+
+"I allow nothing, Adalbert, my dear," replied she. "'He that will not
+hearken to advice must suffer!' say I; and if through his abominable
+ingratitude his poor mother, who is only anxious for his welfare, and
+who bothers and worries herself whole nights through, thinking----"
+
+With the many-coloured border of her apron she rubbed her eyes as if
+there were tears there to be wiped away.
+
+"But, Henrietta," he began again.
+
+"Adalbert, do not contradict me! You know I close an eye to all your
+follies. I allow you to sit as long as ever you like at the 'Black
+Eagle'; I let you drink as much as ever you can do with of that bad,
+expensive claret. I even put your supper ready for you when you come
+home late though it is hardly necessary that you should on such
+occasions upset three chairs, as you did yesterday. I consider
+altogether that you have very little regard for the feelings of your
+old and faithful wife. But--yes, what I was going to say is--that, once
+for all, I will not have you meddle with my plans: as it is you
+understand nothing of such matters. Have you, altogether, any idea of
+all I have done already for that good-for-nothing Robert? I have run
+about, and driven about, made calls, and written letters, and Heaven
+knows what else. Five or six well-to-do--nay, very wealthy girls I
+have, so to say, brought ready to his hand, any of whom he could have
+had for the taking. But what did he do? Well, I should think you still
+remember how I was seized with convulsions when, four years ago, he
+arrived with that miserable, delicate creature, Martha? My whole
+illness dates from then."
+
+"But, Henrietta!"
+
+"My dear Adalbert, I beg of you, do not again harp upon the same old
+string about her being my own flesh and blood! If she wished to be a
+loving and grateful niece to me, why did she not bring the necessary
+dowry with her? She had nothing--of course she had nothing! My departed
+brother died as poor as a church mouse. Is that fitting for one of
+my family? But after all--he had a right to do as he liked with his
+own--what business is it of mine? Only he need not have saddled us with
+his daughter."
+
+"Well, but she is dead now," remarked Herr Hellinger.
+
+"Yes, she is dead," replied she, and folded her hands. "It were a sin
+to say, thank God for that. But as our Lord has so ordained it, I will
+at least profit by the circumstance, and endeavour to rectify his folly
+of then. While you were sitting in the 'Black Eagle,' drinking your
+claret, I was once more toiling and moiling and inquiring round, so
+that he has but to pick and choose. There is Gertrude Leuzmann; will
+get fifty thousand cash down and as much more when the old man dies.
+There is that little von Versen; very young yet certainly--only just
+confirmed--but she will get even more! And besides these, at least
+three or four others! But what do you imagine he will say to it all?
+'Mother,' he will say, 'if you start that theme again, you will never
+more set sight on me.' Was ever such a thing heard of? He has only to
+marry the second sister now in place of the other one, to bring his
+good old mother to her grave! By the by where can the young lady be
+to-day? It is nearly nine o'clock, and she has not yet appeared. In my
+brother's Bohemian home it may very probably have been the fashion to
+lie a-bed till noon; but in my well-ordered household, I beg to say,
+most emphatically and politely, I will not have it, Adalbert."
+
+"I cannot conceive, dear Henrietta," he said, "why you heap reproaches
+upon me which are meant for your niece!"
+
+"If only for once you would not take her part, Adalbert. But, of
+course, there is nothing left for me to say. I am duped and betrayed in
+my own house! However, I shall very soon put an end to the matter. I
+have kept her here now for a whole year; now she begins to be very much
+_de trop_."
+
+"But does she not toll and moil in Robert's household from early morn
+till late at night? Does a day pass on which she does not betake
+herself to the manor farm? Do not be unjust towards her, Henrietta."
+
+She gave him a pitying look.
+"If you had not remained such a child, Adalbert, one might talk reason
+to you. Don't you see that that is just where the danger lies? Don't
+you imagine that she has her reasons for flaunting about every day at
+the manor and for behaving herself as mistress there before him and the
+servants? Ah--she--she is a deep one--is my niece Olga. Be sure she has
+done her part towards getting him accustomed to the idea that she--and
+she alone--has a right to the place of her dead sister. What else
+should she be looking for, day after day, at the manor, if it is not
+that?"
+
+"I should think Martha's child is sufficient explanation."
+
+"Of course, of course! Any nursery tale is good enough to impose upon
+you! She knows exactly why she behaves as she does, and why she is
+almost ready to eat up the poor little mite for very love. She knows
+exactly how to find the way to its father's heart!"
+
+"But perhaps she does not love him at all," old Hellinger interposed.
+
+She laughed out loud.
+
+"My dear Adalbert, a man who owns an estate just outside the town-gates
+is always loved by a poor girl, and if I do not make an end now and
+send her about her business, it may very possibly come to pass that our
+dear Robert will take her by the hand one fine day and say to us,
+'Here, papa and mamma, now be good enough to give us your blessing.'
+And rather than live to see that, Adalbert----"
+
+At this moment the sound of lumbering male steps was audible in the
+entrance-hall; directly after these came a loud and violent knock at
+the door.
+
+"Well!" said Mrs. Hellinger, "some one is making a noise as if the
+bailiffs were outside--we have not got as far as that yet." And very
+slowly and deliberately she said, "Come in."
+
+The old doctor stepped into the room. His hat sat awry at the back of
+his head, his necktie hung loose over his shoulders, and his chest
+heaved as with breathless running. He forgot his "Good-morning"
+greeting, and only gave a wild, searching glance around.
+
+"Good heavens, doctor!" cried Mr. Hellinger, senr., hastening towards
+him, "why, you burst in upon us like a bull into a china-shop."
+
+Mrs. Hellinger once more assumed her injured air, and muttered
+something about pot-house manners.
+
+When the old doctor saw the undisturbed breakfast-table and the
+astonished, every-day faces of his friends, he let himself drop into
+an armchair with a sigh of relief. Then it had not taken place after
+all--this terrible thing! But next moment his fears took possession of
+him anew.
+
+"Where is Olga?" he faltered, and fixed his gaze on the door as if he
+might see her enter there any moment.
+
+"Olga?" said Mrs. Hellinger, shrugging her shoulders. "My goodness, she
+probably will be here shortly. Are you in such a hurry?"
+
+"God be praised!" cried he, folding his hands. "Then she has been down
+already?"
+
+"No--not so," remarked Mrs. Hellinger, "her ladyship thinks well to
+sleep somewhat long this morning."
+
+"For God's sake," he cried, "has no one looked after her? Does no one
+know anything of her?"
+
+"Doctor, what ails you?" cried old Hellinger, who was now beginning to
+be alarmed.
+
+The physician may at this moment have recollected the request with
+which Olga's letter of farewell had closed. He felt that in this way
+his desire to comply with her request would, from the very first,
+become impossible, and made a last wretched attempt to preserve the
+secret.
+
+"What ails me?" he faltered, with a miserable laugh. "Nothing ails
+me!--What should ail me? Confound it all!" And then, casting aside all
+dissimulation, he cried out: "My God! my God! Thou hast permitted this
+terrible thing! Thou hast withdrawn Thy hand from her." And he was
+about to sink down weeping, but he once more gathered up all the energy
+still remaining in his rickety old body, raised himself bolt upright,
+and--"Come to Olga," he said, "and do not be terrified--however--you
+may--find her."
+
+Old Hellinger grew pale, and his wife commenced to scream and sob; she
+clung to the doctor's arm, and wished to know what had happened; but he
+spoke no further word.
+
+So they all three climbed up the stairs leading to Olga's gable-room,
+and in the entrance-hall the servants collected and stared after them
+with great, inquisitive eyes.
+
+Before Olga's door Mrs. Hellinger was seized with a paroxysm of
+despair.
+
+"You knock, doctor," she sobbed, "I cannot."
+
+The old man knocked.
+
+All remained quiet.
+
+He knocked again, and put his ear to the keyhole.
+
+As before.
+
+Then Mrs. Hellinger began to scream:
+
+"Olga, my beloved, my dear child, do open--we are here--your uncle and
+aunt and old uncle doctor are here. You may open without fear, my
+love."
+
+The physician pressed the latch; the door was locked. He looked through
+the key-hole; it was stopped up.
+
+"Have the locksmith fetched, Adalbert," he said.
+
+"No," cried Mrs. Hellinger, suddenly casting all sorrow to the winds,
+"that I shall not permit--that will on no account be done. The disgrace
+would be too great: I could never survive it--such a disgrace--such a
+disgrace!"
+
+The doctor gave her a look of unmistakable loathing and contempt. She
+took little notice of it.
+
+"You are strong, Hellinger," she said, "bear up against the door;
+perhaps you may succeed in breaking the lock."
+
+Mr. Hellinger was a giant. He set one of his powerful shoulders against
+the woodwork, which at the first pressure began to crack in its joints.
+
+"But softly," his wife admonished, "the servants are standing in the
+entrance-hall. Be off with you into the kitchen, you lazy beggars!" she
+shouted scolding down the stairs.
+
+Down below doors banged. A second push----one of the boards broke right
+through the middle. Through the splintry chink a bright ray of daylight
+broke through into the semi-dark corridor.
+
+"Let me look through," said the doctor, who now, in anticipation of the
+worst, was calm and collected.
+
+Hellinger broke off a few splinters, so that through the aperture the
+whole room could be overlooked.
+
+Opposite the door, a few paces removed from the window, stood the bed.
+The coverlet was dragged up, and formed a white hillock behind which a
+strip of Olga's light brown hair shone forth. A small portion of the
+forehead was also visible--white as the bed-clothes it gleamed. The
+feet were uncovered; they seemed to have been firmly set against the
+foot end of the bed and then to have relaxed.
+
+By the pillow, on a chair, lay her clothes neatly folded. Her skirts,
+her stockings, were laid one upon the other in perfect symmetry, and on
+the carpet stood her slippers, with their heels turned towards the bed,
+so as to be quite ready for slipping into on rising.
+
+On the marble slab of the pedestal, half leaning against the lamp, lay
+a book, still open, as if it had been placed there before extinguishing
+the light. Over everything there seemed to rest a shimmer of that
+serene, unconscious peace which irradiates a pure maiden's soul. She
+who dwelt here had fallen asleep yesterday with a prayer on her lips,
+to awaken to-day with a smile.
+
+After the physician had held silent survey, he stepped back from the
+aperture.
+
+"Put your arm through, Adalbert," he said, "and try to reach the lock.
+She has bolted the door from the inside."
+
+But Mrs. Hellinger squeezed herself up against the door, and with loud
+cries implored her sweet one to wake up and draw the bolt herself. At
+last it was possible to push her on one side, and the door was opened.
+The three stepped up to the bedside.
+
+A marble-white countenance, with lustreless, half-open eyes, and an
+ecstatic smile on its lips, met their gaze. The beautiful head, with
+its classic, refined features, was slightly bowed towards the left
+shoulder, and the unbound hair fell down in great shining waves upon
+the regal bust, over which the nightdress was torn. A white button with
+a shred of linen attached, which hung in the buttonhole, was the only
+sign that a state of excitement must have preceded slumber.
+
+"My sweet one, you are sleeping, are you not?" sobbed Mrs. Hellingen
+"Say that you are sleeping! You cannot have brought such disgrace upon
+your aunt, your dear aunt, who cared for you and watched over you like
+her own child." With that she seized the unconscious girl's pale,
+pendant, white hand, and endeavoured to drag her up by it.
+
+Her tender-hearted husband had covered his face with his hands, and was
+weeping. The physician gave himself no time for emotion. He had pulled
+out his instruments, pushed Mrs. Hellinger aside with scant politeness,
+and was bending over the bosom, which with one rapid touch he entirely
+freed of its covering.
+
+When he rose up, every drop of blood had left his face.
+
+"One last attempt," he said, and made a quick incision straight across
+the upper arm, where an artery wound itself in a bluish line through
+the white, gleaming flesh. The edges of the wound gaped open without
+filling with blood; only after some seconds a few sluggish, dark drops
+oozed forth.
+
+Then the old man threw the shining little knife far from him, folded
+his hands and--struggling with his tears--uttered a prayer.
+
+
+
+
+                                  III.
+
+
+On the afternoon of the same day, a light one-horse cabriolet sped over
+the common which extends across country for several miles northwards of
+Gromowo, and in the direction of the little town.
+
+Dark and lowering, as if within reach of one's hand, the clouds lay
+over the level plain. Here and there a willow stump stretched its
+gnarled excrescences into the fog-laden air, all saturated with
+moisture and glistening with the drops which hung in long rows on its
+bare branches. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road, winding along
+between withered reed-grass, and often the water splashed up as high as
+the box-seat.
+
+The man who held the reins took little heed of the surrounding
+landscape; quite lost in thought he sat huddled up, only occasionally
+starting up when the reins threatened to slip from his careless
+fingers. Then the herculean build of his limbs became apparent, and his
+broad, high-arched chest expanded as if it would burst the coarse grey
+cloak which stretched across it in scanty folds.
+
+The man's stature was similar to that of old Hellinger, perhaps even
+superior, and the face, too, bore an undeniable family resemblance; but
+what had there remained pleasing and soft and undefined even in old
+age, had here developed into harsh, impressive lines, testifying to
+defiance and gloomy brooding. A curly, terribly-neglected beard in dark
+disorder encompassed the firm-set jaw, assumed a lighter dye near the
+corners of the mouth, and fell upon the breast in two fair points.
+
+This was Robert Hellinger, the owner of Gromowo manor, Olga's
+betrothed. Of the happiness that had come to him yesterday there was
+little written in his face. His grey, half-veiled eyes stared moodily
+into the distance, and the wrinkles between his eyebrows never for one
+moment disappeared. He well knew that hard work was in store for him
+before he could lead home his bride--hours of bitterest struggle were
+imminent, and even victory would bring him nothing but care and
+anxiety. His thoughts travelled back over the dark times that lay in
+the past, and that had hardly ever been illumined by a ray of light.
+
+It was now six years since his father had solemnly made over to him, as
+eldest son, the old family inheritance, the manor, and had himself
+retired to a comfortable quiet life in the little town. On this day
+his period of suffering had commenced, for he was burdened with a
+yoke so heavy that even his herculean shoulders threatened to break
+under its weight; everything he gained by the work of his sinewy
+hands--everything of which he positively pinched himself--melted away
+and was swallowed up by the claims which his family laid upon him. He
+had no right to complain. Was it not all according to strict law? The
+inheritance had been exactly divided to the very last farthing among
+him and his six brothers and sisters, not counting the reserve which
+his parents claimed for themselves.
+
+Every brick of his house, every clod of his land, was encumbered--on
+every ear of corn ripening in his fields his mother's suspicious gaze
+was fixed, for she kept strict watch lest the interests should come in
+a minute late. And was she not justified in so doing? Had he a right to
+claim more love from her than she gave to her other children? There
+were brothers who wanted to make their way in the world; sisters who
+had only been married for the sake of their dowry: they all looked
+anxiously and eagerly towards him as the promoter and preserver of
+their happiness.
+
+The interests! That was the dreadful word that henceforth hour by hour
+droned in his ears, that by night startled him from his sleep and
+filled his dreams with wild visions. The interests! How often on their
+account he had beaten his brow with clenched fists! How often he had
+run without sense or feeling through the loamy fields, to escape from
+this host of glinting, gleaming devils! How often in a blind fit of
+rage he had smashed to pieces some tool, a ploughshare, a waggon-pole,
+with his fist, as if he did not mind with what weapon he fought them!
+But they did not leave him. All the more tenaciously did they fasten
+themselves on to his heels; all the more thirstily did they suck the
+marrow from his young bones.
+
+What good was it that he sometimes succeeded in mastering them? This
+hydra everlastingly brought forth new heads; from quarter to quarter it
+stood there before his terrified gaze, more and more monstrous, more
+and more gigantic, growing and swelling, ready to pounce upon him and
+crush him with the weight of its body. Thus from one reprieve to the
+next his life had dragged along since that day which was so merrily
+celebrated at the "Black Eagle" with drinking of claret and champagne.
+
+If only his mother had exercised some leniency! But she did not even
+exempt him from the stipulated asparagus in spring, nor even from the
+loan of the carriage for drives during harvest-time when the horses
+were so badly wanted in the fields.
+
+"He that will not hearken to advice must suffer," she was wont to say,
+and he would not hearken; no, indeed not! With one short, simple "yes"
+he might have put a stop to all his misery, might have lived in the lap
+of luxury to the end of his days; and because he would not do it, out
+of sheer, inconceivable stubbornness, because all her wife-hunting had
+been to no purpose--that was why his mother could not forgive him.
+
+Thus two years passed away. Then he began to feel that such a life must
+sooner or later make a wreck of him. This anxiety and worry was
+exhausting him more and more; he decided to put an end to it all and to
+demand of fate that modest share of happiness which was pledged and
+promised to him by a pair of faithful blue eyes, and a pale, gentle
+mouth. Then came a day when he brought home, as wife to his hearth, the
+love of his youth, who had shortly become orphaned and homeless.
+
+It was a dreary, sad November day, and dark clouds sped like birds of
+ill omen across the sky. Trembling and pale, in her black mourning
+dress, the frail, delicate creature hung on his arm and quaked beneath
+every half-compassionate, half-contemptuous glance with which the
+strange people examined her.
+
+As for his mother, she had received her with reproaches and
+maledictions, and a year had elapsed before tolerable relations were
+established between the two.
+
+Martha had kept up bravely, and in spite of her delicate health, had
+worked from morn to night in order to set to rights what had all gone
+topsy-turvy during the master's long bachelorhood.
+
+And when, after three years of quiet, cheering companionship. Heaven
+was about to bless their union, she had--even when her condition
+already required the greatest care--always been up and doing, working
+and ordering in kitchen, attic, and cellar.
+
+It almost seemed as if thus by labour she wanted to give an equivalent
+for her missing dowry.
+
+Then--two days after the birth of a child--Olga had suddenly arrived in
+Gromowo. He had not seen her since his marriage. At first sight of her
+he was almost startled. She came towards him with an expression of such
+proud reserve and bitterness; she had blossomed forth to such regal
+beauty.
+
+And this woman he was to-day to call his own! Yet what a world of
+suffering, how many days of gloomiest brooding and despair, how many
+nights full of horrible visions lay between now and then!
+
+He shuddered; he did not like to recall it any more. To-day everything
+seemed to have turned out well; Martha's glorified image smiled down in
+peace and benediction, and, like a flower sprung from her grave,
+happiness was blooming anew for him.
+
+Nearer and nearer came the turrets of the little town; higher and
+higher they stretched up behind the alder thickets. And a quarter of an
+hour later the carriage drove into the roughly-paved street.
+
+Soon after entering the gates Robert made the discovery that people who
+met him to-day behaved towards him in the most peculiar manner. Some
+avoided him, others in evident confusion doffed their caps and then as
+quickly as possible fled from his presence. On the other hand, the
+windows of every house past which the carriage drove, filled with heads
+that stared at him gravely and disappeared hurriedly behind the
+curtains at his greeting.
+
+He shook his head doubtfully. But as his mind was so full of the
+approaching struggle, he took not much notice, and henceforth looked
+neither to the right nor to the left. At the corner of the marketplace,
+where there used to be the little excise-office, stood his uncle's, the
+doctor's, old housekeeper, holding her hands hidden under her blue
+apron, and with an expression on her face like that of an undertaker.
+
+As the carriage approached, she signed to him to stop.
+
+"Well, Mrs. Liebetreu," he said, amused, "you at least do not take to
+your heels at my approach to-day."
+
+The old woman gazed up at the sky, so that she might not have to look
+him in the face.
+
+"Oh! young master," said she--he was always called "young master," to
+distinguish him from his father, though he was long past thirty--"the
+doctor wishes me to ask if you will kindly just step round there first;
+he has something to say to you."
+
+"Is what he has to say to me very pressing?"
+
+The woman was very much terrified, for she thought the unhappy
+intelligence would now fall to her lot to tell.
+
+"Oh, gracious me!" she said; "he only put it like that."
+
+"Well, then, give my kindest regards to my uncle the doctor, and the
+message, that I only just wanted first to have a little talk with my
+parents--he knows what about--and will then come round to him at once."
+
+The old woman muttered something, but the words stuck in her throat.
+The carriage rolled on in the direction of old Hellinger's villa,
+that lay there under mighty old lime-trees, as if resting beneath a
+canopy. The bright plate-glass windows greeted him cheerily, the
+shining tiled roof gleamed in the light, the tranquillity of a
+well-provisioned old age rested, as usual, over all. He tied his horse
+to the garden-railings, and strode with heavy, noisy tread up the
+small flight of steps, on the parapet of which, in wide-bellied urns,
+half-faded aster plants mournfully drooped their heads.
+
+The hall-bell sounded in shrill tones through the house, but no one put
+in an appearance to receive him. He threw down his rain-soaked cloak on
+one of the oak chests in which his mother's linen treasures were hidden
+away. Then he stepped into the sitting-room--it was empty.
+
+"The old people are probably taking their afternoon nap," he muttered;
+"and I think it will be advisable to let them have their sleep out
+to-day."
+
+He flung himself into a corner of the sofa, and gazed towards the door;
+for he privately hoped that Olga might have noticed his conveyance in
+front of the house, and would come down to shake hands with him.
+
+He began to get impatient. "Can she have gone out to the manor?" he
+asked himself But, no--she would not do that; for she knew he would
+come to speak to his parents.
+
+"I will knock at her door," he decided, and got up.
+
+He smiled anxiously, and stretched his mighty limbs. After having
+longed for her incessantly since yesterday evening, now, at the moment
+of beholding her again, he was filled with a peculiar fear of facing
+her. The feeling of humble reverence, which always took possession of
+him in her presence, now again made itself evident. Was it possible
+that this woman had yesterday hung upon his neck? And what if she
+regretted it to-day--if she went back from her word?
+
+But at this moment all his defiance awoke within him. He opened his
+arms wide, and with a smile which reflected the memory of happy hours
+recently lived through, he cried:
+
+"Let her but dare such a thing! With these hands of mine I will lift
+her up and carry her to my home! If Martha gives her consent, I wonder
+who should object."
+
+On tip-toe, so as not to wake his parents, he climbed up the stairs,
+which nevertheless creaked and groaned under the weight of his body.
+
+Before Olga's door he started back, for he saw the gleam of light which
+fell through the broken panel on to the corridor.
+
+No one answered to his knocking. Nevertheless, he entered.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+A moment later the whole house trembled in its foundations, as if the
+roof had fallen in.
+
+The two old people, who had retired to their bedroom to recuperate
+their strength after those trying hours of the forenoon, started up in
+terror. They called the maids. But these had run off, so that the town
+should no longer be kept in ignorance of the newest details about the
+sad occurrence.
+
+"You go up," said the energetic woman to her husband, and tremblingly
+put out her hand for the little bottle of sulphuric ether which she
+always kept at hand. It was the first time in her life that she felt
+frightened.
+
+When old Hellinger entered the gable-room, he saw a sight which froze
+the blood in his veins.
+
+His son's body lay stretched on the ground. As he fell he must have
+clutched the supports of the bier on which the dead girl had been
+placed, and dragged down the whole erection with him; for on the top of
+him, between the broken planks, lay the corpse, in its long white
+shroud, its motionless face upon his face, its bared arms thrown over
+his head.
+
+At this moment he regained consciousness, and started up. The dead
+girl's head sank down from his, and bumped on to the floor.
+
+"Robert, my boy!" cried the old man, and rushed towards him.
+
+With wide-open, glassy eyes, Robert stared about him. He seemed not yet
+to have recovered his senses. Then he perceived one of the arms, which,
+as the body dropped sidewards, had fallen right across his chest. His
+gaze travelled along it up to the shoulder, as far as the neck--as far
+as the white rigidly-smiling face.
+
+Supported by the old man's two arms, he raised himself up. He tottered
+on his legs like a bull that has received a blow from an axe.
+
+"Good God, boy, do come to your senses!" cried his father, taking him
+by his shoulders. "The misfortune has taken place; we are men, we must
+keep our composure."
+
+His son looked at him vacantly, helplessly as a child. Then he bent
+over the dead body, lifted it up, and laid it across the bed, pushing
+the fragments of the bier to one side with his foot.
+
+Then he seated himself close to her on the pillow, and mechanically
+wound a coil of her flowing hair round his finger.
+
+The old man began to entertain fears of his son's sanity.
+
+"Robert," he said, coming close up to him again, "pull yourself
+together. Come away from here; you cannot bring her back to life
+again."
+
+Then he broke into a laugh so shrill and horrible, that it froze the
+very marrow in his father's bones.
+
+All of a sudden his stupor left him; he jumped up, his eyes glowed, and
+on his temples the veins swelled up.
+
+"Where is mother?" he screamed, advancing towards the old man.
+
+He sought to pacify him.
+
+"Good heavens! do have patience! We will tell you all."
+
+The old lady, who had already been standing for a long time listening
+on the stairs, at this moment put in her head at the door.
+
+He rushed past his father and at her as if about to strangle her;
+but he had at least so much reason left as to be sensible of the
+monstrousness of his proceeding. His arms fell down limp at his
+sides--he set his teeth as if to choke down his pent-up rage. "Mother,"
+said he, "you shall account to me for this. I demand an explanation of
+you. Why did she die?"
+
+The old woman came towards him with tender compassion, and made as if
+she would burst into tears upon his neck.
+
+With a rough movement he shook her off.
+
+"Leave that, mother," he said, "I claim her from you!"
+
+"But, Robert," whined the old woman, "is this the way for a son to
+treat his mother? Adalbert, just tell him how he ought to treat his
+mother!"
+
+He took hold of the old man's hands. "You keep out of the game,
+father," he said. "The account which I have to settle to-day with my
+mother concerns us two alone. Mother, I ask you once more: why did
+she die?" He was leaning against the wall and stared at her with
+half-closed, blood-shot eyes.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger had meanwhile commenced to cry.
+
+"Do you suppose I know?" she sobbed; "do you suppose anybody at all
+knows? We found her in her bed, that is all. She has brought disgrace
+upon our house, the miserable creature, in return for----"
+
+"Do not abuse her, mother," he said, wildly, speaking in an angry
+undertone; "you know very well that she was my bride!"
+
+His mother gave vent to a cry of astonishment, and her husband too made
+a movement of surprise.
+
+"What! you do not know that? Mother," he cried, and pressed both his
+fists to his temples, "did she say nothing to you? Did she not come to
+you last night, and tell you what had taken place between her and me
+during the day?"
+
+"Heaven forbid!" groaned the old woman. "Scarce a syllable did she
+speak to me, but went and locked herself up in her room."
+
+"Mother," he said, and stepped close up to her. "When she had confessed
+all to you, did you not work upon her conscience? Did you not impress
+it upon her that if she truly loved me she must give me up, that she
+would bring misfortune upon me, and Heaven knows what besides! Mother,
+did you not do this?"
+
+"My own son does not believe me! My own son gives me the lie,"
+whimpered the old woman. "These are the thanks that I get from my
+children to-day."
+
+He grasped her right hand. "Mother," he said, "you have done me many a
+wrong in all these years. The worst and bitterest I ever experienced
+came to me through you."
+
+"Merciful Heavens," shrieked the old woman, "these are the
+thanks--these are the thanks!"
+
+"But all the evil you did to me and Martha I will forgive you, mother,"
+he continued, "nay, more even! On my bended knees I will ask your
+forgiveness for ever having harboured a bitter thought against you; but
+one thing you must do for me--here by her dead body you must swear that
+you knew of nothing, that in all things you were speaking the truth."
+And he dragged her to the corpse that stared up at him with its
+ecstatic smile--a bride's smile to her bridegroom.
+
+"That such a thing should be necessary between us," complained the old
+woman, and cast a glance of bitter hatred at him out of her swollen
+eyes. But she suffered him to lay her right hand on the dead girl's
+forehead; she stroked it and sobbed, "I swear it, my sweet one, you
+know best that I knew nothing and never required anything wrong of
+you." Thereupon she gave a sigh of relief, as if she had suddenly come
+to understand what a gain this tragic deed would mean for her and her
+family. Sincere gratitude lay in the tender caress with which she
+fondled the dead face.
+
+At this moment the old physician came rushing into the room. He had
+hoped to overtake Robert and prepare him for the worst, and saw in
+terror that he had come too late.
+
+Old Hellinger hurried towards him and whispered in his ear: "Take him
+away, he is out of his senses! We can do nothing with him here!"
+
+Robert stood there clutching at the bed-posts, his chest heaving, his
+face as if turned to stone with gloomy, tearless misery.
+
+The old doctor rubbed his stubbly grey beard against his shoulder, and
+growled in that roughly compassionate way which goes quickest to the
+hearts of strong men.
+
+"Come away, my boy; don't do anything foolish; do not disturb her
+rest."
+
+Robert started and nodded several times.
+
+Then suddenly--as if overpowered by his misery--he fell down in front
+of the bed and cried out, "Wherefore didst thou die?"
+
+
+
+
+                                  IV.
+
+
+Wherefore had she died?
+
+This question henceforth puzzled the whole town completely. In the
+streets--at the tea-table, on the alehouse benches--it was the one
+topic for discussion. People indulged in the most out-of-the-way
+surmises, the most hazardous conjectures were put forward, and still no
+one was one whit the wiser. Some spoke of an unhappy, others of an
+over-happy love affair, and others again declared that they had always
+predicted that she would not come to a good end.
+
+During her life-time already, her proud, taciturn, reserved nature had
+been a riddle to the good homely townfolk; now her death was a still
+greater riddle to them.
+
+Meanwhile it had got about that the physician had been the first to
+receive news of the suicide, and the only one to whom she herself had
+confided her intention. People crowded up to him; they almost stormed
+his house; but he persisted in his silence. With all the bluffness of
+which he was so particularly capable, he sent the importunate
+questioners about their business. Olga's letter he had on the very
+same day committed to the flames, for he feared that a court of law
+might require it of him. As for the rest, the cause of death was so
+evident that even a post-mortem examination could be dispensed with.
+As might have been expected, the dead girl had not succeeded in
+absolutely removing every trace of her deed. In the glass standing on
+her night-table were found, adhering to its sides, drops of a fluid
+whose flavour proved, even to a non-expert, that here a solution of
+morphia was in question. The chain of evidence became complete when in
+the garden, embedded under some hawthorn bushes, were found fragments
+of glass bottles, to the necks of which a portion of the poisonous
+solution still adhered in white crystallised streaks. They had
+evidently been thrown out of the window, and still bore labels giving
+the date of the prescription and directions for taking.
+
+As matters stood, it would have been simple madness on the doctor's
+part if he had dared to attempt to hush up the suicidal intention; for
+even carelessness in taking the sleeping draught was quite out of the
+question.
+
+Nevertheless, he was tormented by the idea that he had been unable to
+carry out the dying girl's last request, and he faithfully promised
+himself that he would all the more truly at least keep the secret which
+she had wrapped round her motives for the unhappy deed.
+
+If only he himself could see his way clear at last! The days passed by,
+however, and still he could not succeed in taking possession of the
+legacy which Olga had left to him.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger, senior, mistrusted him; she told him openly to his face
+that he had always had some secret understanding with the dead girl,
+and behind his back she added that if he had not prescribed such
+unreasonably strong solutions of morphia, Olga would have been alive
+and happy for a long time to come. She almost went so far as to ascribe
+the blame of her niece's death to their old family friend.
+
+At any rate she did not permit him henceforth to remain for one second
+alone in the dead girl's room. She kept the door carefully locked, and
+declared she would not suffer the dead girl's belongings, which to her
+were sacred relics, to be defiled by the touch of strange hands, or by
+strange glances.
+
+Thus from hour to hour there was increasing danger that the book, in
+which Olga had written down her confessions, might fall into the old
+woman's hands.
+
+She need only take it into her head one day to rummage among the little
+collection of volumes which filled the book-shelf, and the mischief was
+done.
+
+Added to this anxiety, which drove the old doctor daily to the
+Hellingers' house, came his growing uneasiness about Robert who, since
+that disastrous hour, had fallen a prey to blank, despairing lethargy.
+He seemed absolutely deprived of the power of speech, would endure no
+one near him, and even taciturnly shunned and avoided him, his old
+friend; by day he roamed about in the fields, by night he sat by his
+child's cot, and stared down upon it with burning, reddened eyes.
+
+So said the servants, who three times had found him in the morning in
+this position.
+
+
+
+
+                                   V.
+
+
+The lights round Olga's coffin had burnt down.
+
+The guests, who for so long had surrounded the bier in solemn silence,
+began to move to and fro, and to look round for refreshments.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger, who was receiving condolences, and at the same time,
+with a great profusion of tears and pocket handkerchiefs, extolling the
+virtues of the deceased, suddenly, in the midst of her grief, proved
+herself an attentive and liberal hostess. The guests gave a sigh of
+relief when the doors of the dining-room were thrown open, and from the
+resplendent table a sweet odour of roast meats, _compôtes_ and herring
+salad greeted them.
+
+Mr. Hellinger, senior, praised the Lord, and with a few privileged
+friends, drank the specially fine claret which he set before them in
+honour of the occasion. They were not yet agreed whether an innocent
+game of cards would be disparaging to the general mourning, and decided
+to send delegates to the hostess to obtain her permission.
+
+There was plenty of life and bustle in the Hellingers' house--one might
+have imagined one were at a wedding.
+
+The physician, who dropped in late upon this merry company, looked
+about anxiously for Robert. He was nowhere to be seen.
+
+Thereupon he took one of the guests aside and inquired after him. Yes,
+he had been there, had looked about him with startled eyes, and had
+silently moved aside when any one wanted to shake hands with him. But
+after a very few minutes his disappearance had been noticed.
+
+The physician went into the entrance-hall, and hunted among the guests'
+wraps for Robert's cloak. It was lying there yet.
+
+With the freedom of an old friend of the family, he then commenced his
+search through the back rooms of the house, which were quiet and
+deserted; for the servants were busy waiting at table.
+
+In a narrow, dark chamber, where disused furniture was piled up, he
+found him sitting on an overturned wooden case, brooding with his head
+in his hands.
+
+"Robert, my boy, what are you doing here?" he cried out to him.
+
+He raised his head slowly and said, "I suppose there are merry
+goings-on in the other part of the house?"
+
+The physician laid his hands on his shoulders:
+
+"I am anxious about you, my boy. Since three days you grudge a word to
+any of us; you are on the road to madness, if you go on like this."
+
+"What do you want?" answered Robert, with a sigh that broke from him
+like a cry of anguish. "I am calm, quite calm." Then he once more
+rested his bushy head upon his two hands, and fell again to brooding.
+
+The old man sat down at his side and began to remonstrate with him. He
+forgot no single thing that one is won't to say in such cases, and
+added many a comforting, strengthening word of his own making. Robert
+sat there motionless, he hardly gave any sign of interest. But when the
+old man came to no stop, he interrupted him, and said:
+
+"Leave that, uncle, that is sweet stuff for little children. To the one
+question on which for me depends life and death, you, too, can give me
+no answer."
+
+"What question?"
+
+"Uncle, see, I am calm now--wonderfully calm--no fever, no frenzy is
+upon me as I speak, and so you will believe me when I tell you that I
+do not know--how I shall live through this night!"
+
+"For God's sake, what are you about to do?"
+
+Robert shrugged his shoulders.
+
+"I do not know," he said, "whatever suggests itself at the moment will
+do for me. I am only sorry for the poor little mite that will have to
+go on living without a father--perhaps I shall take it with me on my
+journey--I do not know. I only know the one thing, that I cannot go on
+like this any longer!"
+
+The old man, trembling with fear in every limb, heaped reproaches upon
+him. That would be cowardly, that would be unmanly, and only worthy of
+a miserable weakling.
+
+Robert listened to him calmly, then he said:
+
+"You would be right, uncle, if it were her death which made me despair
+of myself and of my happiness! But, good heavens!"--he laughed harshly
+and bitterly--"I have long since accustomed myself to lay no claim to
+happiness. As for me, I would quietly bear my affliction,--(I have
+experience in that, as you know, for I have already lowered one loved
+being into the grave),--and go on raking and scraping money together,
+as I have been doing for so long, and doing in the midst of the deepest
+sorrow; for the interests, you know, they take little notice of the
+state of one's feelings, and even if one's hand grows numb with pain
+and despair--they have to be paid! But that is not what makes my brain
+so disorganised--for I am disorganised, you may believe me; before my
+eyes sparks are constantly dancing, my body is convulsed, and my blood
+rushes like fire through my veins. And yet I am quite calm with it all,
+and see everything all around as clearly as if I could look right
+through it. Only the one thing I cannot comprehend--it haunts me like a
+terrible phantom by day and by night, and when I seek to grasp it, it
+escapes me--this one thing: _Wherefore_ did she die?"
+
+The old man started. He thought of the letter and the promise that the
+dead girl had therein required of him.
+
+Robert continued: "There is a voice which constantly screams into my
+ears, 'It is _your_ fault!' _How_ so I do not know; for however much I
+probe the depths of my soul, I find no wrong there that I did her; and
+yet the voice will not be silenced. I tell myself,--'This is a fixed
+idea.' I tell myself, 'You are tormenting yourself; you are a fool and
+wicked--wicked towards yourself and your child;' but it is no good,
+uncle!--it will not be silenced. And, after all, there may be something
+in it, uncle? Would Olga not be alive yet, if it were not for me? If,
+on the preceding evening, things had not happened----"
+
+He stopped, shuddering, and covered his face with his hands. Tearless
+sobs shook his mighty frame. Then he said: "Uncle, I cannot--I dare not
+think of it; it drives me out of my senses. I feel--as if I must break
+and dash to pieces everything with these fists."
+
+"And yet you must pull yourself together, my boy," said the old man,
+"and tell me everything successively; for that is the only way to throw
+light upon the mystery."
+
+There ensued a silence in the dark room. The old man trembled in every
+limb. He saw the outlines of the massive figure that stood out darkly
+against the light window of the chamber; he saw the heaving of the
+chest which rose and sank and panted and groaned like the crater of a
+volcano; he felt on his skin the hot waves of breath from Robert's
+mouth.
+
+"Pull yourself together, my boy," he repeated softly.
+
+Robert waged a conflict within himself Then he stretched himself as if
+with newly awakening energy and said:
+
+"All right, uncle; you shall know all....
+
+"Since the day on which she so proudly and coldly refused my offer I
+had not met her again. It is true she came as before to the manor to
+look after the child and the household. I know now that it was for
+Martha's and not for my sake; but there was a silent understanding
+between us, so that we avoided meeting each other. She chose the hours
+when she knew I was busy out in the sheds and stables, and I did not
+return to the house until I had seen her disappear through the gate.
+
+"On Tuesday, as it happened, I was obliged to go out to the manor farm;
+but half a mile outside the town, on that bad road, my axle broke. As I
+had taken no driver with me, and far and wide there was no one in
+sight, I myself mounted the harnessed horse and rode back to fetch
+help. At the manor the overseer told me that the young lady had gone
+home some time before. It was, in fact, already beginning to grow very
+dark. 'Well, then there's no danger,' I think to myself, and walk into
+the house.
+
+"When I open the door of the sitting-room, I see in the dusk a dark
+shadow that flits hurriedly out of the room.
+
+"'Who may that be?' I think, and follow in pursuit.
+
+"In the child's room I find--_her_--just as she is trying hard to
+unbolt the door leading to the corridor, which, as you know, is always
+kept locked on account of the draught.
+
+"Then, uncle, it comes over me as if I must rush towards her; but just
+in time I recollect who she is--and who I am.
+
+"I see how her hands are trembling. 'Do not be angry with me, Olga,' I
+said, stammering; 'I did not wish to do you any harm. I am only here by
+chance. I will henceforth arrange so that you may never meet me.'
+
+"Then she lets her hands drop, and gives me a look that makes me feel
+hot and cold all over. 'Martha never looked at me like that,' I think
+to myself. I want to speak, but the words will not come, for I am so
+confused and embarrassed. She stands pressing her tall figure close up
+to the door, as if to take refuge there from me. I hear her heavy,
+feverish breathing. 'Olga,' I say, 'it was presumption on my part that
+I ever dared to think of gaining your hand; I know very well that I am
+not worthy of you. I beg of you, forget all about it; I will never
+remind you of it.'
+
+"And at this moment, uncle--how shall I describe it to you?--leave me
+for a second the memory--yet what boots it?--I will be strong, uncle--I
+will pull myself together--at this moment she rushes towards me, clasps
+me round, covers my face with kisses, and then suddenly she sinks down
+with a sigh and lies there at my feet as if felled by a stroke. I gaze
+down upon her like one in a dream.
+
+"'It is not true,' I cry to myself; 'it is madness. You were ready to
+look up to her as to a goddess, and now she throws herself away on one
+who is not worthy of her.'
+
+"I hardly dared to touch her; but I had to raise her up; and when I
+held her in my arms she began to sob bitterly, as if she would cry her
+very soul out. 'Olga, why are you crying?' say I. 'All is well now.'
+But even I, giant of a fellow as I am, start crying like a little
+child.
+
+"'Forgive, me, Robert!' I hear her voice at my ear; 'I have grieved you
+sorely, but I will never--never do so again.'
+
+"'And will you always love me now?' I ask; for even now I cannot
+realise it yet.
+
+"'Oh, you--you,' she says, 'I love you more than anything else in the
+world,' and hides her face upon my neck.
+
+"But now, uncle, hear what followed! When I see her dark head of curls
+lying so submissively upon my shoulder the question arises within me:
+'Is this the same Olga who, a few days ago, turned from you so calmly
+and proudly when you modestly and humbly asked her consent?'
+
+"So I said to her: 'Olga,' said I, 'how could you torture me so? Have I
+become a different man in this short space of time?' Then I see her
+grow as white as the chalk on the walls, and hear her voice in my ear:
+'Do not question me; for God's sake do not question me!'
+
+"A feeling of terror awakens within me lest I may perhaps lose her
+to-morrow--as I have won her to-day.
+
+"'Olga,' say I, 'if you are so changeable in your decisions, who will
+give me surety----?'
+
+"I stop short, for in her face lies something which commands silence.
+She tears herself away from me and flings herself into a chair.
+
+"'As you wish to know,' she says, and the while with darkening brows
+stares upon the ground--'I was afraid--I doubted your love, and thought
+you might let me feel that I came to you without a penny----'
+
+"And with that the lie makes her face all aflame.
+
+"'Olga,' I cry out, 'could you think that of me? Do you remember 'What
+I reminded her of was one night on her father's estate when I came
+wooing Martha and thought to return sadly with a refusal; for Martha
+was ready to sacrifice herself and her happiness, so that I might marry
+another. Then she--Olga--had come to me in the middle of the night, and
+had opened my eyes for me, blind fool that I was, and spoken words to
+me, words full of contempt for mammon, which sounded like Love's song
+of triumph in my ears. _Those_ words I spoke to her now; for each one
+was indelibly stamped on my memory.
+
+"'At that time, then--you had such brave and generous thoughts--when
+you spoke on Martha's behalf,' I cried out to her, 'and now--when they
+apply to yourself----' I look into her face, which is trying to smile
+and ever smiling; but this smile grew rigid, and in the midst of it she
+closed her eyes and fell down fainting, like a log of wood.
+
+"It was trouble enough to bring her back to life; for I did not care to
+call in any help. Quite a quarter of an hour she lay there--not much
+otherwise than she is lying now--then she opened her eyes, and for a
+long time gazed silently into my face--so sorrowfully, so wearily and
+hopelessly, that I quite trembled for her. And thereupon she folded her
+hands and spoke up to me softly and imploringly:
+
+"'Give me time, Robert; I have overtaxed my strength. I must first grow
+accustomed to it----'
+
+"I, however, was so filled with the exuberance of my new happiness that
+I believed I could by force compel her too to be happy. 'If we love
+each other, Olga,' I cried, 'and the deceased says "Yes" and "Amen" to
+our union, I should like to see who could object! Therefore be brave
+and cheerful, my child!' But she was anything but brave or cheerful.
+And not till now--when she is dead--have I realised how utterly
+miserable and broken down she was as she lay there on the cushions--she
+who as a rule was so proud and severe in her behaviour to herself and
+others. It was as if some intense sorrow had cut the innermost nerve of
+her life in twain. That is all clear to me now, but then I did not see
+it--I would not see it; and I went on remonstrating with her,
+comforting her as I thought. She listened to me, but said nothing; only
+now and then she nodded her head, and a smile of unutterable sadness
+and weariness played about her lips.
+
+"I put it all down to the excitement of the moment and to the sadness
+of the last few years, which must rise up once more all the mightier
+within her, now that, for her too, a new happiness was dawning to
+supplant it.
+
+"'And the first thing we do,' said I, 'Olga, shall be to visit the
+churchyard. When we have stood at Martha's grave, my mother's
+resistance and the ill-will of the whole world need no longer affect
+us.'
+
+"Then she let her hands drop from her face, looked at me with great
+terror-stricken eyes, and asked in a perfectly toneless voice: 'You
+want to go to the churchyard with me?'
+
+"'Yes, with you,' I answered; 'and now, at once, if you are willing.'
+
+"'Then a shudder ran through her frame, and in a strangely hoarse tone
+she said: 'Have patience till to-morrow; to-morrow I will do what you
+wish.'
+
+"'Yes, my dear, good child,' I then said; 'put all foolish fancies out
+of your head by tomorrow, and think to yourself that _she_ is not angry
+with us. We shall certainly not forget her! And must not our mutual
+grief for her bind us all the more closely together for the whole of
+our lives? Her memory will always be with us; and do you not also
+believe that from her whole heart she would bless our union if she
+could look down upon us from heaven? Has she not left us her child as a
+legacy, that we might watch over it together, and not surrender it to
+any stranger?'
+
+"Then she threw herself down in front of the little cot, in which the
+little creature lay blissfully dozing, and pressed her face against its
+little head.
+
+"Thus she lay for a long time, and I let her lie.
+
+"When she rose up, the rigid calm once more rested upon her face that
+we were wont to see there. She gave me her hand, and said: 'Go, my
+friend; leave me alone.' And I went, for I was ready in all things to
+do her bidding; I did not even embrace her.
+
+"A quarter of an hour later I saw her cross the courtyard. I waited at
+the window; but she did not look back any more.
+
+"Next morning--well, you know, uncle, how I found her then. And at
+that moment I was as if struck by lightning. Uncle, I may grow old and
+grey--that moment will destroy every pleasure, and every laugh will die
+away from my lips as its consequence. But at least I might live. I
+might drag on this miserable existence, so that my child should not be
+deprived of its modest share of happiness. Only that one thing I must
+know--I must be freed from that one horrible idea, else I cannot go
+on--I cannot, however hard I try. Else I shall rot away alive.... Some
+one must arise, even if it be from the other side of the grave, and
+must tell me wherefore she died!"
+
+Once more there was silence in the dark room. Nothing was audible but
+the heavy breathing of the two men and the rustling of a rat, which had
+accompanied Robert's story with the monotonous, hollow music of its
+gnawing.
+
+The old man struggled hard within himself. Should he treacherously
+disclose the secret of her life as he had already betrayed the secret
+of her death? But was there not, in this case, a good deed to be done?
+Did it not mean freeing him whom she had loved above all things, from
+the torments to which--either a mistaken idea or a secret consciousness
+of guilt--condemned him? It seemed like a miracle, like special
+heavenly grace, that the mouth which seemed closed for ever, should
+once more be permitted to open, to bring peace to the loved one.
+
+The old man gave a deep sigh. He had taken his resolution. "And
+supposing she should have taken thought, Robert," he said, "to give an
+account to you from beyond the grave?"
+
+Robert uttered a cry, and clutched his wrists.
+
+"What do you mean by that, uncle?"
+
+"If you had not burrowed in your grief like a mole, and taken flight
+before every human face, you would have known long ago what is in every
+one's mouth, namely, that on the morning of her death I received a
+letter from her----"
+
+"You--uncle--from her----?"
+
+"Goodness, my boy, you are breaking the bones in my body. Do first
+listen to me patiently"--and he told him the contents of the letter.
+
+Robert had started to his feet and was nervously running his fingers
+through his hair. His eyes, which were staring down upon the old man,
+gleamed through the darkness.
+
+"And the book--give it to me--where is it?"
+
+The old man informed him how great was the danger in which Olga's
+secret was hovering, and what anxiety he had himself passed through on
+its account.
+
+"Wait, I will fetch it," cried Robert, and hurried towards the door.
+
+The old man held him back. "Your mother has the key--take care that her
+suspicion is not aroused."
+
+"The door is half broken, I will smash it entirely."
+
+"They will hear you downstairs."
+
+"They are enjoying themselves much too well!" answered Robert, and
+laughed grimly. "Come, we will go together."
+
+And through a back door, along the dark corridor, up the creaking
+stairs, the two men crept like two thieves who have come to take
+advantage of some festive occasion.
+
+Opening the door proved even easier than they had hoped. The loosened
+hinge of the lock moved out of its joints almost without pressure.
+
+At the door both stopped, overcome with emotion, as the dark room,
+faintly illumined by the starry clearness of the night, lay before
+their eyes. All traces of death had been removed: the empty
+bedstead--whose supports stood out darkly against the grey wall--alone
+indicated that its occupant had sought another resting-place. The odour
+of her dresses, the faint scent of her soap, still filled the room with
+their fragrance. Even the towels on which she had dried herself were
+still hanging, in fantastic whiteness, near the black Dutch stove.
+
+Robert, unable to keep himself upright, dropped down upon a chair, and
+in long, eager breaths, which resembled a sobbing, he drank in the
+fragrance of the room. It was as if he were trying to absorb into his
+being the very last trace of her life.
+
+A short, dazzling gleam of light darted through the room, danced along
+the walls, strayed with a yellow flicker across the writing-desk, and
+made the white-draped dressing-table stand out from the darkness like
+some crouching phantom.
+
+The old man had struck a match and was groping by its aid for the
+little green-shaded lamp which had lighted Olga's sleepless nights. It
+stood on the pedestal, in the same place where Olga had extinguished it
+when about to plunge into eternal night. Its glass bowl was yet nearly
+full of petroleum. She had been in a hurry to get to rest.
+
+Carefully he lifted down the globe and lighted the wick. With a
+peaceful twilight glow the veiled flame cast its light across the
+silent chamber. Then he stepped up to the bookshelf, where the gilded
+volumes were ranged in rows and gleamed in the light. His hand for a
+little while groped along the wall and then pulled out to the light
+some blue, rolled-up object.
+
+"We have it, Robert," he cried, triumphantly; "come away!"
+
+The latter shook his head in silence. The old man urged him again; then
+he said: "We will read here, uncle--here--where she wrote it."
+
+"What if any one should surprise us?" cried the old man, fearfully.
+
+Robert shrugged his shoulders and pointed to the floor.
+
+The old man was satisfied; they softly drew up their chairs within
+light of the lamp. After this nothing was audible but the rushing of
+the winter wind as it swept through the leafless lime-tops, and the
+monotonously hoarse voice of the reader, accompanied from time to time
+by the chorus of the funeral party--now swelling up loudly, now dying
+away to a whisper.
+
+
+
+
+                                  VI.
+
+
+"Forgive me, sister, for invoking from the grave your transfigured
+shade. In remembrance of the deep love you bore me, of the warmth with
+which my heart beat for you, suffer it, if I attempt to expiate the
+guilt that weighs so heavily upon me, and whose yoke I must drag along
+with me to the end of my days! Let me once more live through all the
+love and kindness you bestowed upon me, and in the memory thereof
+forget the horrors of loneliness that, like the breath of your tomb,
+chill my very bones.
+
+"What a fool, what a wicked creature I was, to feel lonely while you
+yet dwelt on earth! Your love was the very air that I breathed! Your
+smile was the sunshine that animated me, your comforting, exhorting
+words were like the voice of God within us, to which we hearken
+reverently without understanding. And how did I thank you, sister? I
+grew a stranger to you--in sorrow and misery I have to think of you,
+and the consciousness of guilt appals me when the soughing wind
+whispers your name in my ear. Between us there stands a wild phantom
+with flaming eyes--terrible and distorted, its hair encircled by
+snakes--stretching out its claw-like hands towards me, and separating
+me from you for ever. If it were no phantom, but flesh and blood, if
+what I committed were a sin, a crime, I would wrestle with it, I would
+overcome it with the last strength of my failing energy, or allow
+myself to be strangled in its bloody grip. But it is intangible, it
+melts away into empty air--a spectre that mocks me, a mist that clouds
+my reason, and by its poison is slowly destroying me. A wish!
+
+"A wish--it is nothing more!
+
+"I wonder if you recognised it? I wonder if it was reflected in your
+dying gaze? I wonder if at your bedside, when you, good, noble soul,
+gave up the last breath of a life that was all love, you saw this
+spectre--a spectre born of envy and ingratitude, which I--miserable
+creature--dragged into your pure habitation?
+
+"If I had still my lisping childish beliefs, I would pour out the
+wretchedness of my soul before God, the Great and Merciful; but there
+is no one on earth or in heaven to take pity on me, none but your
+glorified image.
+
+"Woe is me!--that, too, turns away from me. Weeping, it veils itself,
+when yonder demon approaches my soul! And yet, was it not human to feel
+as I did? Why are we not heavenly bodies, void of desire, pure and
+ethereal? Why are we born of dust, why do we cleave to dust, eat dust
+and return to dust when we have thrown off this great fraud of life?
+The great fraud of my life I will write down here--the fraud towards
+myself--towards you, and towards a third as well, who was pure and
+good--and who yet was the cause of it all.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"I was a quiet, lonely child.
+
+"He who is always surrounded by love, and who has never known anything
+but love, often learns most easily to suffice to himself. And yet in my
+heart, too, there lay an inexhaustible store of love. I squandered it
+on dumb creatures, petted the dogs, kissed the cats, and hugged the
+geese. One of my passions was to play in the stable: there I lolled
+about on the soft, warm straw, under the very hoofs of my special pets,
+that never did me any harm; or I climbed into the manger, where I could
+sit for hours and gaze lovingly into my friends' great brown eyes. But
+my favourite place was in the dog-kennel. There they often found me
+asleep at midday, and it was no easy matter to get me out again: for
+Nero, who was as a rule so quiet and good, showed his teeth to any one,
+even to his master, who came within reach of his chain on such
+occasions. My tender affection extended also to the vegetable kingdom.
+The rose-trees appeared to me like enchanted princesses, whose fate I
+bitterly bewailed; the sunflowers were Catholic priests in full
+canonicals, and the dahlias Polish maidservants with red head-dresses.
+Thus I succeeded in assembling around me in the garden the whole human
+world, and found the counterfeit presentment preferable to the
+original, for it submitted in silence when I ordained its fate.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"The estate that my father had rented was the old feudal possession of
+a Polish magnate, which lay close to the Prussian frontier, on a hill
+whose one side sloped down gradually in a weed-grown park towards
+barren fields, while the other dropped down precipitately towards a
+rivulet, on whose opposite bank lay a dirty little Polish frontier
+village.
+
+"When one stood on the brink of the precipice one looked down upon the
+tumble-down shingle roofs, through the crevices of which smoke issued
+forth, and could see right into the midst of the wretched traffic of
+the miry street, where half-naked children wallowed in the gutter,
+women crouched idly on the doorsteps, and the men in ragged fustian
+coats trooped, with their spades on their shoulders, towards the
+alehouse.
+
+"Verily there was little that was attractive about this small town, and
+the rabble of frontier Cossacks, that trotted to and fro sleepily on
+their cat-like nags, did not enhance its charms. But yet, to my
+childish eyes, it was enveloped in inexpressible glamour, the sensation
+of which creeps over me even to-day, when I picture to myself how,
+bewitched by all these wonderful visions, I sat for hours motionless on
+the grass, and stared down upon the throng in which the figures were no
+larger than the wooden dolls in my box of toys.
+
+"I had been forbidden to go down, nor had I any desire to do so, since
+I had once been almost crushed to death between two wheels in the crowd
+of the weekly market to which my father had taken me.
+
+"It was only delightful when from up there, raised high above the dirt
+and screaming, one could gaze down upon this world of ants, which
+seemed so tiny that, like the Creator Himself, one could command it
+with a look, but which grew larger and larger, and assumed weird, giant
+proportions the more one attempted to penetrate into it.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It is remarkable that just of those persons who were most closely
+connected with me throughout my life, I have preserved but a vague
+recollection as they were at that time. Possibly because later
+impressions effaced these earliest ones.
+
+"My father was a small, sturdy man, of thick-set stature, with
+close-cut black beard and hair, clad in high, brightly blacked boots,
+and a greyish-green shaggy jacket, who laughed at me when he saw me,
+gave me a friendly slap on the back, or pinched my arm, and then was
+gone again. He was always busy, poor papa; as long as he lived I never
+saw him give himself a moment's rest.
+
+"Mama was then already very stout, was constantly eating sweet-stuff,
+and loved her afternoon nap; but she, too, was at work from morning
+till night, though she only reluctantly betook herself from place to
+place, and did not like one to hang on to her, or to bother her with
+questions.
+
+"At that time another member of the family was Cousin Robert, who had
+been sent over by our Prussian relations to learn farming from papa; a
+big fellow, broad-shouldered and thick-necked, with fair tufts of
+beard, which I was wont to pull when he took me on his knee to instil
+the A B C into me by means of bent liquorice sticks. I think we were
+always good friends, though he probably was no more to me than the
+other articled pupils; for his picture, as he was then, has become
+hazy, exactly like all the others.
+
+"Only one scene do I remember distinctly, when on a summer evening he
+had caught hold of Martha by her fair plaits and was racing after her,
+laughing and screaming, through the yard, and the house, and the
+garden.
+
+"'What are you up to with Martha, you rascal?' cried papa to him.
+
+"'She has been vexing me,' he answered, without letting go of her,
+while she kept on screaming.
+
+"'When I was your age I knew better how to revenge myself on a girl,'
+laughingly said papa, who always liked to have his little joke.
+
+"'Well, how?' he asked.
+
+"'Oh, if you don't know that yourself!' replied papa.
+
+"'One just gives her a kiss. Master Robert,' said an old gardener, who
+happened to be passing with a watering-can.
+
+"Then I can see him yet, how he suddenly let the plaits drop from his
+hands, stood there suffused with blushes and did not know where to
+look. Papa shook with laughter and Martha ran off as fast as she could.
+When I tried her door, she had locked herself in. Not till supper-time
+did she put in an appearance again. Her hair hung in disorder over her
+forehead, and beneath it she looked out dreamily and scared.
+
+"When, to-day, I compare the pale, thin, little suffering face that
+fills my whole soul, with yonder rosy, chubby, roguish countenance as
+it gleams upon me sometimes from my earliest childhood, I can hardly
+realise that both can have belonged to one and the same being.
+
+"How her long fair plaits fluttered in the wind! With what precocious,
+housewifely care her eyes scanned the long table where we all sat
+together, with apprentices and inspectors, waiting to be filled--a
+whole collection of hungry mouths. And how lustily each one helped
+himself, when, with her merry smile, she offered the dishes.
+
+"Now only do I begin to understand what a pilgrimage of suffering she
+had to make, now that I am myself preparing for the long, sad journey,
+at the end of which a lonely grave awaits me, more lonesome even than
+hers.
+
+"In those days I was a child and looked up unsuspectingly to her, who
+became my teacher when she herself had hardly put off childish ways.
+
+"It was at that time that our affairs began to take a downward course.
+Papa had to struggle against debts; failure of crops, and floods--for
+three years in succession--destroyed any hope of improvement, and
+monetary cares gathered thicker and thicker around our home.
+
+"In the household everything not absolutely necessary was dispensed
+with, our intercourse with the neighbouring estate owners was
+restricted, and even the old governess who had educated Martha and was
+now to have fulfilled her mission upon me, had to leave the estate.
+
+"Martha, who was seven years older than I and just preparing to grow
+into her first long dress, stepped into her place. In this way, purely
+sisterly relations could not grow into existence between us. She was
+the protectress and I was the ward, until after we exchanged our
+_rôles_.
+
+"I may have been about fourteen years old, when it struck me for the
+first time that Martha had strangely altered in manner and appearance.
+I ought, indeed, to have noticed it before, for I was accustomed to
+look about me with open eyes, but in the slow monotony of everyday life
+one easily overlooks the destruction that sorrow and time are working
+around us.
+
+"Now I took heed, and saw her face grow thinner and thinner, saw that
+the colour faded more and more from her cheeks, and that her eyes sank
+deeper and deeper into dark hollows. Nor did she any longer sing, and
+her laugh had a peculiar tired, hoarse sound that hurt my ears so, that
+I was sometimes on the point of calling out to her 'Do not laugh!'
+
+"At the same time she began to sicken; she complained of headache and
+spasms, and only with difficulty dragged herself about the house. Then,
+of course, papa and mama were bound to notice her condition too; they
+packed her up in warm wraps, and, in spite of her remonstrance, drove
+with her to Prussia to consult a doctor. He shrugged his shoulders,
+prescribed steel pills and advised a change of air.
+
+"Something else, too, he must have advised, which greatly disturbed my
+parents, at least papa; for mama, since a long time already, was not to
+be roused from her phlegmatic composure. When she dreamily gazed out
+into the distance, he often looked at her askance, shook his head,
+sighed, and slammed the door after him.
+
+"But however much she might be suffering, she would not give up her
+work. As long as I can remember, I have never seen her idle even for a
+moment. As a child already she stood with her lesson-book at the
+cooking-stove, or had an eye on the wash-kitchen, while she wrote her
+German composition. Since she was grown up, she combined the duties of
+my instruction with all the cares which a large household imposes upon
+its manager. Mama had quite retired in virtue of her age, and allowed
+her to do and dispose as she pleased, if only the _compôtes_ and other
+dainties won her approval.
+
+"I, who was spoilt beyond measure by everyone in the house, was ashamed
+of my inactivity, and endeavoured to take a part of the responsibility
+off Martha's shoulders; but with gentle remonstrance she dissuaded me.
+
+"'Leave that, child,' she said, stroking my cheeks; 'you happen to be
+the princess of the house, you had better remain so.'
+
+"That hurt me. I could bear anything rather than to be repulsed, when I
+came with my heart full to overflowing of generous resolves.
+
+"One evening I saw her crying. I slunk out into the garden and fought a
+hard battle. I almost choked with my longing to help, but I could not
+so far conquer myself as to go up to her and put my arms consolingly
+about her neck. When I lay in bed, my desire to comfort her came upon
+me with renewed force; I got up, and in my nightdress, just as I was, I
+slipped out into the dark corridor.
+
+"For a long time I stood outside her door, trembling with cold and with
+fear, and with my hand on the door-knob. At last I took heart and crept
+in softly.
+
+"She knelt before her bed with her head pressed into the pillows. She
+seemed to be praying.
+
+"I stopped at the door, for I did not venture to disturb her.
+
+"At last she turned round, and at sight of me started up abruptly.
+
+"'What do you want?' she stammered.
+
+"I clung to her, and sobbed fit to soften the heart of a stone.
+
+"'Child--for Heaven's sake--what is the matter with you?' she cried.
+
+"I was incapable of uttering a word. She, in her motherly way, took a
+large woollen shawl, wrapped me in it, and drew me down upon her knee,
+though I was then already bigger than she.
+
+"'Now confess, my darling, what ails you?' she asked, stroking my face.
+
+"I gathered up all my strength, and hiding my face upon her neck, I
+sobbed, 'Martha--I want--to help--you.'
+
+"A long silence ensued, and when I raised up my face I saw an
+unutterably bitter, sorrowful smile playing about her lips. And then
+she took my head between her hands, kissed my brow and said:
+
+"'Come, I will put you to bed, child; there is nothing the matter with
+me--but you--you seem to be in a perfect fever.'
+
+"I jumped up: 'For shame, that is horrid of you, Martha,' I cried; 'I
+will not be sent away like this. I am not ill, nor am I so stupid that
+I cannot see how you are pining away, and how each day you gulp down
+some new sorrow. If you have no confidence in me, I shall conclude that
+you do not wish to have anything to do with me, and all will be over
+between us.'
+
+"She folded her hands in astonishment, and looked at me.
+
+"'What has possessed you, child?' she said, 'I do not know you thus.'
+
+"I turned away and bit my lips defiantly.
+
+"'Come, come, I will put you to bed,' she urged again.
+
+"'I don't want--I can go alone,' I said. Then she seemed to feel that a
+word of explanation must be vouchsafed to the child.
+
+"'See, Olga,' she said, drawing me down to her, 'you are quite right, I
+have many a sorrow, and if you were older and could understand, you
+would certainly be the first in whom I should confide. But first you
+too must learn to know life----.'
+
+"'What more do you know of life than I?' I cried, still defiantly.
+
+"She only smiled. It cut me to the heart, this half-painful,
+half-ecstatic smile. A dull dawning presentiment awoke within me,
+such as one might experience in face of closed temple gates or distant
+palm-wafted islands. And Martha continued:
+
+"'Till then, however--and that will be long!--I must bear what
+oppresses me alone. Hearty thanks, sister, for your good intention; I
+would love you twice as much for it, if that were possible; and now go,
+have your sleep out, we have much to learn to-morrow.'
+
+"With that she pushed me out of the door.
+
+"Like an exile I stood outside on the landing and stared at the door
+which had closed behind me so cruelly. Then I leant my head against the
+wall and wept silently and bitterly.
+
+"Martha was henceforth doubly kind and affectionate towards me, but I
+would not see it. I grew reserved towards her, as she had been towards
+me, and deeper and deeper the bitter feeling became graven on my soul
+that the world did not require my love. Of course it was not this one
+occurrence alone which acted decisively upon my disposition. Such a
+young creature as I was, is too easily carried away by the tide of new
+impressions to be lastingly influenced by a few such moments; and, as a
+matter of fact, it was not long: before I had forgotten that evening.
+But what I did not forget was the idea that no one dwelt on earth who
+was willing to share his sorrows with me, and that I was thrown back
+upon myself and my books until such day as I should be declared ripe to
+take part in the life of the living.
+
+"Deeper and deeper I dived down into the treasures of the poets, of
+whom none drove me from his holy of holies. I learnt to feel wretched
+and exalted with Tasso; I knew what Manfred sought on icy Alpine
+snowfields; with Thekla I mourned the loss of the earthly happiness I
+had enjoyed, of the life and love that I had out-lived and out-loved.
+But, above all, Iphigenia was my heroine and my ideal.
+
+"Through her my young, lonely soul was filled with all the charm of
+being unintelligible; it seemed to be the mission of my life to go
+forth like her upon earth as a blessed priestess, sublimely void of
+earthly desire; and if to this end I might have donned yon white
+Grecian robes whose noble draperies would so splendidly have suited my
+early-developed figure, my bliss would have been complete.
+
+"Outwardly I was in those years an obstinate, supercilious creature,
+who was lavish with rude answers, and fond of getting up from table in
+the middle of a meal if anything did not suit her taste.
+
+"In spite of all this--or perhaps just for this reason--I was petted by
+all, and my will, in so far as a child's will can be taken into
+account, was considered authoritative by the whole house. At fifteen I
+was as tall and as big as to-day, and already there was found here and
+there some gallant squire's son who would say that I was much, much
+better looking than all the others, especially than Martha. That made
+me indignant, for my vanity was not yet fully developed.
+
+"'About that time, I dreamt one night that Martha had died. When I
+woke, my pillows were wet through with tears. Like a criminal on that
+day I crept round my sister. I felt as if I had some heavy offence
+against her on my conscience.
+
+"After dinner she had gone to lie down for a little on the sofa, for
+she was suffering again from her headache; and when I entered the
+room and saw her waxen-pale face with closed eyes, hanging across the
+sofa-ledge, I started as if struck.
+
+"I felt as if I really saw her already as a corpse before me.
+
+"I dropped down in front of the sofa and covered her lips and brow with
+kisses. Quite radiantly she opened her eyes and stared at me, as if she
+saw a vision; only as consciousness returned did her face grow serious
+and sad, as before.
+
+"'Well, well, my girl, what is the matter with you?' she said. 'This is
+not your usual behaviour!'
+
+"And gently she pushed me away, so that once more I stood alone with my
+overflowing heart; but as I was slinking away she came after me, and
+whispered---
+
+"'I love you very much, my darling sister!'
+
+"On the evening of the same day I noticed that she constantly kept
+smiling to herself. Papa was struck by it too, for as a rule it never
+occurred. He took her head between his two hands, and said--
+
+"'What has come over you, Margell? Why you are blooming like a flower
+to-day.'
+
+"Then she blushed a deep red, while I secretly clasped her hand under
+the table, and thought to myself, 'We know very well what makes us so
+happy.'
+
+"Next morning papa came to the breakfast-table with an open letter in
+his hand.
+
+"'A strange bird is about to fly into our nest,' he said, laughing;
+'now guess what his name is!' And with that he looked quite peculiarly
+across at Martha. She appeared to me to have grown even a shade paler,
+and the coffee-cup which she held in her hand shook audibly.
+
+"'Has the bird been in our nest before?' she asked slowly and softly,
+and did not raise her eyes.
+
+"'I should think so indeed!' laughed papa.
+
+"'Then it is--Robert Hellinger,' she said, and sighed deeply, as if
+after a hard effort.
+
+"'Upon my word, girl, you _are_ one to guess.' said papa, and shook his
+finger at her.
+
+"But she was silent, and walked from the room with slow, dragging
+steps--nor did she appear again that morning. For my part I kept pretty
+cool over our cousin's approaching visit. His image of former days, as
+it dimly hovered in my memory, was not such as to inspire a romantic
+imagination of fifteen years with ardent dreams for its sake.
+
+"But Martha's behaviour had struck me. Next day, in the early morning,
+I heard her walking up and down with long strides in the guest-rooms.
+
+"I followed her, for I was anxious to know what she was busying herself
+about in these usually closed apartments.
+
+"She had opened all the windows, uncovered the beds, let down the
+curtains, and now in her wooden shoes was running amidst all this
+confusion from one room to the other. Her hands she held pressed to her
+face, and kept laughing to herself; but the laugh sounded more like
+crying.
+
+"When I asked her, 'What are you doing here, Martha?' she gave a start,
+looked at me quite confused, and seemed as if she must first think
+where she was.
+
+"'Don't you see--I am covering the beds.' she stammered after a while.
+
+"'For whom, pray?' I asked.
+
+"'Don't you know we are going to have a visitor?' she answered.
+
+"'I suppose you are awfully pleased at the prospect?' I said, and
+slightly shrugged my shoulders.
+
+"'Why should I not be pleased?' she replied, 'It is our cousin.'
+
+"'And nothing more?' I asked, shaking my finger at her as I had seen
+papa do the day before.
+
+"Then she suddenly grew very grave, and looked at me with her big, sad
+eyes so strangely and reproachfully that I felt how all the blood
+rushed to my face. I turned away, and as I could no longer keep up my
+superiority, I slunk out of the door.
+
+"From this moment Cousin Robert caused me many a thought. It seemed
+clear to me that the two loved each other, and seized by the mysterious
+awe with which the idea of the great Unknown fills half-grown children
+of my age, I began to picture to myself how such a love might have
+taken shape. I ran through the wild-growing shrubs of the park, and
+said to myself, 'Here they enjoyed their secret walks.' I slipped
+inside the dusky arbours, and said to myself, 'Here in the moonlight
+was their trysting-place.' I sank down upon the mossy turf-bank, and
+said to myself, 'Here they held sweet converse together.' The whole
+garden, the house, the yard, everything that I had known since the
+beginning of my life suddenly appeared resplendent in a new light. A
+purple sheen was spread over all. Wondrous life seemed to have awakened
+therein. I had so completely absorbed myself in these phantasies, that
+finally I believed that I myself had lived through this love. When I
+saw Martha again I did not dare to raise my eyes to her, as if I
+cherished the secret in my bosom and she were the one who must not
+guess it.
+
+"But next morning when I reflected that Martha had positively
+experienced everything that I after all had only dreamt about, I felt
+quite awed by the thought, and from out of a dark corner I contemplated
+her fixedly with shy, inquiring looks, as if she were a being from some
+strange world.
+
+"I was well aware that every five minutes she found something to busy
+herself about on the verandah, from whence one could look across
+towards the courtyard-gate; but to-day I took good care not to put any
+pert questions to her. Now I felt like a confidante--like an
+accomplice. It was a beautiful clear September day. Over woodland and
+meadow was spread a rosy veil, silver threads floated softly through
+the air, the river carried a cover of vapour, and far and wide it was
+as silent as in a church. I went into the wood, for I could never have
+excess of solitude to satiate myself with dreams. In the birch-trees
+faded leaves already rustled; the bracken drooped like a wounded human
+being that can barely keep upright.
+
+"I grew very sad. 'Now there will be a great dying,' I said: 'ah, that
+one might die too!'
+
+"And then I remembered what I had heard and read in derision of
+sentimental autumn thoughts. 'For shame, how wicked!' I thought. 'They
+shall not deride me, for I shall know how to conceal myself and my
+feelings. It is no one's business what I do feel. And for all I care
+they may think me cold and heartless, if only I have the consciousness
+that my heart beats warmly and full of love for mankind.'
+
+"Yes, that was a delightful, foolish day, and blissfully would I
+sacrifice what yet remains to me of life, if it might once more be
+granted to me. In the evening--I can see it all as if it were to-day
+the windows stood open, the tendrils of the wild vine swayed in the
+breeze, and from the distance a stamping of hoofs, a clashing of lances
+and swords greeted my ears. I could see nothing, for the darkness
+devoured it all, but I knew that it was a band of Cossacks patrolling
+along the frontier ditch. And then I closed my eyes and dreamt that a
+troop of knights were coming riding along at full speed--led by a fair,
+handsome prince, mounted on a milk-white charger. But I was the
+chatelaine sitting in the turret-room of the old castle, and the fame
+of my beauty had penetrated to every land, so that the prince had set
+forth surrounded by a company of picked horsemen, to seek me out and
+ask my hand in marriage of the old nobleman my father.
+
+"And then I remembered Martha; and whether, as the elder, she would not
+be preferred. But she loves her Robert, I comforted myself, she wants
+no prince. And then I pictured to myself what I would give to each
+member of my family when I had mounted the throne: to Martha wonderful
+jewellery, to papa an iron chest full of gold, and to mama a box of
+pine-apple sweets.
+
+"The clashing of lances died away in the distance--and my dream was at
+an end.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Next day he came.
+
+"When the carriage that brought him rolled in at the courtyard gate,
+Martha was busy in the kitchen. I ran to her, and beaming with pleasure
+I whispered into her ear, 'Martha, I believe he is here.' But she
+forthwith apprised me that I was not her confidante. She looked at me
+vaguely for a time, then asked absently, 'Whom do you mean?'
+
+"'Whom else but our cousin?'
+
+"'Why do you tell me that in a whisper?' she asked. And when, in
+answer, I shrugged my shoulders, she once more took up the kitchen
+spoon she had put down, and went on stirring.
+
+"'Is that the extent of your pleasure, Martha?' I asked, while I
+contemptuously pursed my lips.
+
+"But she pushed me aside with her left hand and said, more passionately
+than was her wont, 'Child, I beg of you, go!'
+
+"And thus it came about that I received Cousin Robert in her stead.
+
+"As I stepped out on to the verandah, he was just alighting from his
+carriage.
+
+"'He does not look much better than papa,' that was my first thought. A
+great strong man like a giant, with broad chest and shoulders, his face
+sun-burnt, with little blue eyes in it, and framed by a shaggy beard,
+such a beard as the 'lancequenets' used to wear.
+
+"'Only the chin-strap is wanting,' I thought to myself.
+
+"He came jumping up the steps laughing towards me.
+
+"'Well, good morning, Martha!' he cried.
+
+"And then suddenly he stopped short, measured me from head to foot and
+stood there, half-way up the stairs, as if petrified.
+
+"'My name is not Martha, but Olga!' I remarked, somewhat dejectedly.
+
+"'Ah, that accounts for it!' he cried, shaking with laughter, stepped
+up to me and offered me a red, horny hand, quite covered with cracks
+and weals.
+
+"'What an uncouth fellow!' I thought in my own mind. And when we had
+entered the room he looked me up and down again and said, 'You were
+quite a little thing yet, Olga, when I went away from here; now it
+seems like a wonder to me that you should be so like Martha!'
+
+"'I like Martha,' thought I, 'when was I ever in the least like
+Martha?'
+
+"'But no,' he continued, 'she was not so tall, and her hair was fairer,
+and she did not stand there so haughtily--and--and--did not make such
+serious eyes.'
+
+"'Ah, good Heavens,' thought I, 'you first look into Martha's eyes!'
+
+"At this moment the kitchen door opened quite, quite slowly, and
+through a narrow aperture she squeezed herself in. She had not taken
+off her white apron. Her face was as white as this apron, and her lips
+trembled.
+
+"'Welcome, Robert!' she said softly behind his back, for he had turned
+towards me.
+
+"At the first sound of her voice he veered round like lightning, and
+then for about a minute they stood facing each other without moving,
+without uttering a word.
+
+"I trembled. For two days I had lain in wait for this moment, and now
+it fell so wretchedly short of my expectations. Then they slowly
+approached each other, and kissed. This kiss too did not satisfy me. He
+could not have kissed _me_ differently; 'only that he did not attempt
+that at all,' I added mentally. And then they both were silent again.
+My heart beat so wildly that I had to press both hands to my bosom.
+
+"At last Martha said, 'Won't you take a seat, Robert?'
+
+"He nodded and threw himself into the sofa-corner so that all its
+joints creaked. He looked at her again and again, then after a long
+time he remarked, 'You are very much changed, Martha!'
+
+"I felt as if he had given me a slap in the face.
+
+"An unutterably sad smile played about Martha's lips.
+
+"'Yes, I suppose I am changed,' she then said.
+
+"Renewed silence. It seemed as if a long time were necessary for him to
+put a thought into words.
+
+"'Why did I never hear that you were ailing?' he began again at length.
+
+"'That I do not know.' she replied, with bitter affability.
+
+"'Could you not write to me about it?'
+
+"'Are we in the habit of writing to each other?' she asked in return.
+
+"He gave the table an angry shove.
+
+"'But if one is not well--then--then--'; he did not know how to
+proceed.
+
+"I pressed my fists together. I should so have liked to finish his
+sentence for him.
+
+"'Never mind.' said Martha, 'one often knows least one's self when one
+is not well.'
+
+"'I should think one ought to know that best one's self,' he replied.
+
+"'What if one does not think it worth while to take any notice of it?'
+This time she spoke without bitterness, modestly and quietly as she
+always spoke, and yet every word cut me to the quick.
+
+"('Oh, Martha, why did you repulse me?' a voice within me cried.)
+
+"And thereupon she broke into a short laugh, and asked how things were
+at home, and whether uncle and aunt were well.
+
+"'First I should like to know how my uncle and my aunt are,' he said,
+and looked into the four corners of the room.
+
+"I was so glad to see the strained mood giving way, that I burst into a
+loud laugh at his comical search.
+
+"Both looked at me in astonishment as if they only just remembered my
+presence.
+
+"'And what do you say to our child?' asked Martha, taking my hand in
+motherly fashion, 'does she please you?'
+
+"'Better now already,' he said, scrutinising me, 'before, she was too
+stiff for me.'
+
+"'I could hardly put my arms round your neck at once?' I replied.
+
+"'Why not?' he asked, smiling complacently, 'do you think there is no
+room for you there?'
+
+"'No,' said I, to let him know at once how to take me, 'that room is
+not the place for me.'
+
+"He looked at me quite taken aback, and then remarked, nodding his
+head--
+
+"'By Jingo, the little woman is pretty sharp.'
+
+"I was going to reply something, but at that moment papa entered the
+room.
+
+"At table I constantly kept my eye on the two, without however being
+able to notice anything suspicious.
+
+"Their eyes hardly met.
+
+"'Afterwards when the old people are taking their nap,' I thought to
+myself, 'they are sure to try and make their escape.' But I was
+mistaken. They quietly remained in the sitting-room, and did not even
+seem anxious to get me out of the way. He sat in the sofa-corner
+smoking, she, five paces away at the window, with some needlework.
+
+"'Perhaps they are too shy,' I thought, 'and are waiting till an
+opportunity presents itself.' I marked a few signs and slipped out.
+Then for half an hour I crouched in my room with a beating heart and
+counted the minutes till I might go back again.
+
+"'Now he will go up to her,' I said to myself, 'will take her hands and
+look long into her eyes. "Do you still love me?" he will ask; and she,
+blushing rosy red, will sink with tear-dimmed gaze upon his breast.'
+
+"I closed my eyes and sighed. My temples were throbbing; I felt more
+and more how my fancies intoxicated me, and then I went on picturing to
+myself how he would drop on his knees before her and, with ardent
+looks, stammer forth glowing declarations of love and faithfulness.
+
+"I knew by heart everything that he was saying to her at this moment,
+no less than what she was answering. I could have acted as prompter to
+them both. When the half-hour was over, I held counsel with myself
+whether I should grant them a few moments longer. I was at present
+their fate and as such I smilingly showered my favours upon them.
+
+"'Let them drain their cup of bliss to the last drop!' said I, and
+resolved to take a walk through the garden yet. But curiosity
+overpowered me so that I turned back half-way.
+
+"Softly I crept up to the door, but hardly did I find courage to turn
+the handle. The thought of what I was about to see almost took my
+breath away.
+
+"And what did I see now, after all?
+
+"There he still sat in his sofa-corner as before, and had smoked his
+cigar down to a tiny stump; but in her embroidery there was a flower
+which had not been there before.
+
+"'Why do you shrug your shoulders so contemptuously?' asked Martha, and
+Robert added, 'It seems I do not meet with her ladyship's gracious
+approval.'
+
+"'So,' thought I, 'for all my kindness I get sneers into the bargain,'
+and went out slamming the door after me. That same night, I, foolish
+young creature that I was, lay awake till nearly morning, and pictured
+to myself how I, Olga Bremer, would have behaved had I been in the
+place of those two. First I was Robert, then Martha; I felt, I spoke, I
+acted for them, and through the silence of my bedroom there sounded the
+passionate whisperings of ardent, world-despising love.
+
+"As things were much too straightforward to please me, I invented a
+number of additional obstacles--our parents' refusal, nocturnal
+meetings at the frontier trench, surprise by the Cossacks,
+imprisonment, paternal, maledictions, flight, and finally death
+together in the waves; for only hereby, so it seemed to me, could true
+love be worthily sealed and confirmed.
+
+"When I got up in the morning my head whirled, and yellow and green
+lights danced before my eyes.
+
+"Martha clasped her hands in horror at my appearance, and Robert, who
+was sitting again for a change in a sofa-corner, and once again sending
+forth clouds of smoke all around, remarked--
+
+"'Have you been crying or dancing all night?'
+
+"'Dancing,' I replied, 'on the Brocken, with other witches.'
+
+"'One positively cannot get a sensible word out of the girl,' he said,
+shaking his head.
+
+"'As you cry into the wood,' replied I.
+
+"'Oh! I am as still as a mouse already,' he remarked, laughing, 'else I
+shall get such a dish of aspersion to begin the day with, as I have
+never swallowed in all my life.'
+
+"Martha looked at me reproachfully, and I ran out into the park where
+it was darkest and hid my burning face in the cool mass of leaves.
+
+"I was near crying.
+
+"'So this is my fate,' I moaned, 'to be misunderstood by the whole
+world, to stand there alone and despised though my heart is full of
+passionate love, to wither unheeded in some corner, while every other
+being finds its companion and stills its longings in an ardent
+embrace.'
+
+"Yes, I had so vividly pictured to myself Martha's love that I had
+finally come to think myself the heroine of it.
+
+"Thus, of course, disenchantment could not fail to come.
+
+"And if only the two had made some further effort to keep pace with the
+flights of my imagination! But the longer Robert remained in our house,
+the more I watched Martha's intercourse with him, the more did I become
+convinced that all interest was unnecessarily wasted upon them.
+
+"She--the type of a timid, insipid, housewife, subject to any fatality
+of every-day life.
+
+"He--a clumsy, dull, work-a-day fellow, incapable of any degree of
+emotion.
+
+"In this strain I philosophised as long as the bitter feeling that I
+was unnoticed and superfluous wholly filled my soul. Then there came an
+event which not only disposed me to be more lenient, but also gave a
+new direction to my ideas about this stranger cousin.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It was on the fourth day of his visit when he unexpectedly stepped up
+to me and said:
+
+"'Little one, I have a request to make to you. Will you come out for a
+ride with me?'
+
+"'What an honour,' replied I.
+
+"'No, you must not begin again like that,' said he, laughing, though
+annoyed. 'We will try for once to be good comrades just for half an
+hour. Agreed?'
+
+"His cordiality pleased me. I gave him my hand upon it.
+
+"As we rode out of the courtyard gate Martha stood at the kitchen
+window and waved to us with her white apron.
+
+"'See here, Martha,' I thought in my mind, 'this is how I would ride
+out into the wide world with him if I were his paramour.'
+
+"For my ideas as to what a 'paramour' is were as yet very vague, and I
+did not hesitate to ascribe this dignity to Martha.
+
+"'He rides well.' I went on thinking; 'my prince could not do better.'
+
+"And then I caught myself throwing myself back proudly and joyously in
+my saddle, swayed by an undefined sense of well-being that made all my
+nerves tingle.
+
+"He said nothing, only now and again turned towards me and nodded at me
+smilingly, as if he thought well to secure our compact anew every five
+minutes. It was needless trouble, for nothing was further from my
+thoughts than to break it.
+
+"When we had ridden for half an hour at a sharp trot he pulled up his
+chestnut and said:
+
+"'Well, little one?'
+
+"'What is your pleasure, big one?'
+
+"'Shall we turn back?'
+
+"'Oh, no.'
+
+"I was absolutely not willed to give up so quickly what filled me with
+such intense satisfaction.
+
+"'Well, then, to the Illowo woods,' said he, pointing to the bluish
+wall which bordered the distant horizon.
+
+"I nodded and gave my horse the whip, so that it reared up high and
+plunged along in wild bounds.
+
+"'Very creditable for a young lady of fifteen.' I heard his voice
+behind me.
+
+"'Sixteen, if you please!' cried I, half turning round towards him. 'By
+the bye, if you again reproach me with my youth, there's an end to our
+good fellowship.'
+
+"'Heaven forbid!' he laughed, and then we rode on in silence.
+
+"The wood of Illowo is intersected by a small rivulet, whose steep
+banks are so close together that the alder branches from either side
+intertwine and form a high-vaulted, green dome over the surface of the
+water, terminating at each bend in a dense wall of foliage, behind
+which it builds itself up anew. Down there, close to the water's edge,
+I had known, since my childhood, many a secluded nook, where I had
+often sat for hours, reading or dreaming to myself, while my horse
+peacefully grazed up in the wood.
+
+"As we now rode slowly along between the trees, a desire seized me to
+show him one of my sanctuaries.
+
+"'I want to dismount,' I called out to him; 'help me out of my saddle.'
+
+"He jumped off his horse and did as I had bid.
+
+"'What do you intend to do?' he then asked.
+
+"'You will see shortly.' said I. 'First of all, let the horses go.'
+
+"'I should think so, indeed,' he laughed. 'You seem to be one of those
+who catch their hares by putting salt on their tails.'
+
+"And he set about tying the bridles to a tree.
+
+"'Let loose,' I commanded; and as he did not obey, I gave the horses a
+lash of the whip, so that before he thought of catching hold of the
+reins tighter, they were already galloping about at liberty in the
+wood.
+
+"'What now?' said he, and put his hands in his pockets. 'Do you think
+they will let themselves be caught?'
+
+"'Not by you!' laughed I, for I was sure of my favourites.
+
+"And when at a low whistle from my lips they both came racing along
+from the distance and snuffled about affectionately at my neck with
+their nostrils, my heart swelled with pride that there were creatures
+on earth, though only dumb animals, who bowed to my might and were
+subject to me through love; and triumphantly I looked up at him as if
+now he must know me as I really was, and what I required of the world.
+
+"But I could see that even now I had not impressed him. 'Well done,
+little one!' he said, nothing more, patted me on the shoulder in
+fatherly manner, and then threw himself down carelessly upon the grass.
+The sun's rays, which broke through the foliage, glittered in his
+beard. Like a hero in repose he appeared to me, like those described in
+northern saga.
+
+"But just as I was about to grow absorbed in my romancing, he began to
+yawn most fearfully, so that I was very quickly and rudely transferred
+to prose.
+
+"'But we are not going to stay here. Sir Cousin.'
+
+"'Don't be foolish, little one,' said he, closing his eyes; 'do like
+me, let us sleep.'
+
+"Then a frolicsome mood possessed me, and I stepped up to him and shook
+him soundly by the collar.
+
+"He snatched at my dress, but I evaded him, so that he jumped to his
+feet and attempted to lay hold of me. Then I walked quietly to meet him
+and said, 'That's right, now come along.' And then I led him right
+through a dense thicket of thorns, down the steep slope, at the foot of
+which the deep water lay like a dark mirror. Down there broadleaved
+convolvuli and creepers had formed a natural bower above a projecting
+block of stone, in which even at high noon one could sit almost in the
+dark.
+
+"Thither I led him.
+
+"'Upon my word, it is delightful here, little one,' he said, and
+comfortably stretched himself upon the stone, so that his feet hung
+down to the water. 'Come, sit down at my side; ... there is room for us
+both.'
+
+"I did as he wished, but seated myself so that I could look down upon
+him.
+
+"He pretended to be sleeping, and now and again blinked up at me
+through half-closed lids.
+
+"Then the thought suddenly came to me, 'Now, if you were Martha, what
+should you do?' and I was so startled by it that my blood gushed up
+hotly into my face.
+
+"'Are you easily frightened, little one?' he asked.
+
+"I shook my head.
+
+"'Then come here!'
+
+"'I am here at your side.'
+
+"'Place yourself in front of me.'
+
+"I did so. My feet almost touched the flat edge of the stone.
+
+"Suddenly he raised himself, clasped me as quick as lightning about the
+waist, and at the same moment I felt myself suspended in mid-air above
+the water. I looked at him and laughed.
+
+"'Let me tell you.' said he, 'that it is not by any means a laughing
+matter. If I let you drop----'
+
+"'I shall be drowned--so let me drop.'
+
+"'No, first you must make a confession to me.'
+
+"'What confession?'
+
+"'Why you do not like me.'
+
+"I drew a deep breath. At the same time I felt that the soles of my
+feet were already being wetted by the surface of the water. He must not
+let me sink any lower. A delicious feeling of powerlessness came over
+me.
+
+"'I do like you.' I said.
+
+"'Then why do you give me such disagreeable answers?
+
+"'Because I am a disagreeable creature.'
+
+"'That is certainly plausible,' laughed he, and with rapid swing lifted
+me up like a feather so that I came to stand once more upon the stone.
+'There, now sit down, we will talk sensibly.' Then he took my hand and
+continued: 'See, I am a simple fellow, have worked hard and given
+little thought to sharpening my wit. You with your quick little brain
+always kill me at the very first thrust, so that I have grown
+positively afraid of talking to you. I know you mean no harm, for it is
+not in our blood to be ill-natured; but all the same, it is not the
+proper thing. I am nearly twelve years older than you, and you almost a
+child yet. Am I right?'
+
+"'You are right.' said I, dejectedly, wondering privately where my
+defiance had departed to.
+
+"'Then why did you do it?'
+
+"'Because I wanted to gain your approval.' said I, and drew a deep
+breath.
+
+"He looked into my eyes amazed.
+
+"'Because I wanted to show you that I was not a silly thing, that my
+head was in its right place, that I----,' I stopped short and grew
+ashamed of myself.
+
+"He chewed his beard and looked meditatively before him.
+
+"'Indeed, now,' he said, 'I was in a fair way to get quite a wrong idea
+of your character. What a good thing that I followed Martha's advice!'
+
+"'Martha's?' I exclaimed. 'What did she advise you?'
+
+"'Take her aside alone some time,' she said, 'and have it out with her.
+Whomever she does not love she hates, and it would pain me if she did
+not grow to love you.'
+
+"'Did she say that?' asked I, and tears came into my eyes. 'Oh, you
+good sister, you noble soul!'
+
+"'Yes, she said that and much more besides, in order to explain and
+vindicate your disposition. And as I love Martha----'
+
+"'Do you?' I interrupted him, eager to learn more.
+
+"'Yes, very dearly,' he replied reflectively, and looked down into the
+water beneath him.
+
+"My heart beat so violently that I could hardly draw my breath. So he,
+he took me into his confidence, he made a confederate of me. I could
+have embraced him there and then, so grateful did I feel towards him.
+
+"'And does she know it?' I inquired.
+
+"'I daresay she knows it,' he remarked; 'a thing of that sort cannot be
+concealed----'
+
+"What--then--you have not--told her?' I stammered.
+
+"He shook his head sadly.
+
+"I was awakened from all my illusions. So the arbours of our garden had
+never afforded shelter to two lovers, the moon as it shone through the
+branches had never been the witness of clandestine kisses? And all my
+romancing had proved itself nothing but idle imagination? But in the
+midst of my disillusion a deep compassion seized me for this giant,
+crouching beside me as helpless as a child. Surely, I vowed to myself,
+he shall not in vain have put his trust in me!
+
+"'Why did you remain silent?' I inquired further.
+
+"He looked somewhat suspiciously at my immature youth, and then began,
+heaving a deep breath:--
+
+"'You see, at that time I was a silly young fellow, and could not pluck
+up courage to speak; in the years of one's youth one is already so
+supremely happy if one can only now and again secure a secret pressure
+of the hand, that one thinks marriage can have no further bliss to
+offer. But----you really cannot understand all these things.'
+
+"'Who knows?' replied I, in my innocence; 'I have read a great deal on
+the subject already.'
+
+"'The short and the long of it is.' he continued, 'that I was then
+nearly as foolish as you are at present. And now, you see, if I speak
+to her now, every word binds me with iron fetters to all eternity.'
+
+"'And don't you wish to bind yourself?' I asked in astonishment.
+
+"'I _may_ not,' he cried; 'I dare not, for I do not know if I can make
+her happy.'
+
+"'Well, of course, if you do not know that,' said I, drawing up my lips
+contemptuously, and in my heart I inferred further: 'Then he cannot
+love her either.'
+
+"But he started up with sparkling eyes: 'Understand me aright, little
+one.' he cried; 'if it only depended on me, I would ask nothing better
+all my life, than to carry her in my arms, lest her foot might dash
+against a stone. But--oh, this misery--this misery!' And he tore his
+hair, so that I grew quite frightened of him. Never should I have
+thought it possible for this quiet, reflective man to behave so
+passionately.
+
+"'Confide in me, Robert,' said I, placing my hand on his shoulder; 'I
+am only a foolish girl, but it will unburden your heart.'
+
+"'I cannot,' he groaned, 'I cannot!'
+
+"'Why not?'
+
+"'Because it would be humiliating--for you too. Only this much I will
+tell you: Martha is a delicate, tender, sensitive creature; she would
+never be able to hold her own against the flood of cares and misfortune
+which must pour down upon her there. She would be broken like a weak
+blade of corn at the first onset of the storm. And what good would it
+be, if a few years after our wedding I had to carry her to her grave?'
+
+"A cold shudder runs through me, when I think how that word of presage
+came to be so terribly realised; but at that moment there was nothing
+to warn me. I only felt the ardent desire to give as romantic a turn as
+possible to this, to my mind, much too prosaic love affair.
+Unfortunately there was not much to be done at present. So at least I
+assumed a knowing air, and sought in my memory for some of the phrases
+with which worthy sibyls and father confessors are wont to feed the
+soul of unhappy lovers.
+
+"And he, this big child, drank in the foolish words of comfort like one
+dying of thirst.
+
+"'But will she have patience?' he asked, and showed signs of becoming
+disheartened again.
+
+"'She will! Depend upon it,' I cried, eagerly; 'as she has waited so
+long, she will wait for another year or two. You will see how gladly
+she will submit.'
+
+"'And what if even later nothing should come of it?' he objected, 'if I
+should have disappointed her hopes, have played the fool with her
+heart? No, I will not speak; they may drag my tongue out of my mouth,
+but I will not speak!'
+
+"'If you did not intend to speak, why then did you come?' asked I.
+Heaven knows how this two-edged idea got into my foolish young girl's
+head. I felt darkly that I was committing a cruelty when I put it into
+words, but now it was too late. I saw how his face grew pale, I felt
+how his breath swelled up hot and heavy and poured itself forth upon me
+in a sigh.
+
+"'I am an honest man, Olga,' he muttered between his teeth; 'you must
+not torture me. But as you have asked, you shall have an answer. I came
+because I could bear life without her no longer, because by a sight of
+her I wanted to gather up strength and comfort for sad days to come,
+and because--because in my heart of hearts I still cherished the faint
+hope that things might be different here, that it might be possible for
+her to come with me.'
+
+"'And is it not possible?'
+
+"'No! Do not ask why; let it suffice you that I say no.'
+
+"Then suddenly he bent down towards me, took hold of both my hands, and
+said, from the very depths of his soul: 'See, Olga, more has come of
+our good fellowship than we both could suspect an hour ago. Will you
+now stand by me faithfully, and help me as much as lies in your power?'
+
+"'I will,' said I, and felt very solemn the while.
+
+"'I know you are no longer a child,' he went on; 'you are a sensible
+and brave girl and do not swerve from anything you undertake. Will you
+keep watch over her, so that she does not lose heart, even if I now go
+away again in silence. Will you?'
+
+"'I will!' I repeated.
+
+"'And will you sometimes write to me, to tell me how she is? Whether
+she is well, and of good courage? Will you?'
+
+"'I will!' I said, for the third time.
+
+"'Then come, give me a kiss, and let us be good friends, now and
+always.' And he kissed me on my mouth....
+
+"Five minutes later we were on our horses and riding hurriedly towards
+the home farm; for it already was beginning to grow dark.
+
+"'You stayed away a long time,' said Martha, who was standing in her
+white apron on the verandah, and smiled at us from afar. When I saw
+her, I felt as if I could never find enough tenderness to pour out upon
+my sister. I hastened towards her and kissed her passionately, but at
+the same moment I regretted it, for it appeared to me as if I were
+thereby wiping his kiss from my lips.
+
+"Embarrassed, I desisted, and slunk away. At supper I constantly hung
+upon his eyes, for I thought he must make known our secret
+understanding by some sign. But he did not think of any such thing.
+Only when we shook hands after the meal he pressed mine in quite a
+peculiar way, as he had never done before. I was as pleased as if I had
+received some valuable present.
+
+"On that evening I could hardly await the time when I might go to bed
+and put out the light; then I was often wont to stare for an hour at a
+time into the darkness, dreaming to myself. It was in my power to keep
+awake as long as I wished, and to go to sleep as soon as I thought it
+time. I had only to bury my head in the pillows and I was off. To-day I
+stretched myself in my bed with a sense of well-being such as I had
+never before in my life experienced. I felt as if every wish of my life
+had been fulfilled. My cheeks burnt, and on my lips there still
+distinctly remained the slight tingling sensation of that kiss--the
+first kiss with which a man,--papa of course did not count--had kissed
+me.
+
+"And if, strictly speaking, it had been meant for some one else, what
+did that matter to me? I was still so young I could not yet lay claim
+to anything of the kind for my own self.
+
+"Thereupon I once more fell into my favourite reverie as to what I
+should do if I were in Martha's place. Thus I had no need to destroy
+the fancies which to-day had been proved only idle chimera, but could
+go on spinning them out to my heart's content, and I did spin them out,
+waking and sleeping, till early morning.
+
+"Two days later he drove off. A few hours before he took his leave, he
+had a long conference with Martha in the garden. Without any feeling of
+jealousy I saw them disappear together, and it afforded me unspeakable
+pleasure to keep watch at the gate so that no one should surprise them.
+
+"When they appeared again they were both silent, and looked sad and
+serious.
+
+"No, he had not declared himself; that I saw at the first glance, but
+he had spoken of the future, and probably interspersed many a little
+word of modest hope.
+
+"Before he stepped into the carriage, it so happened that he was for a
+few moments alone with me. Then he took my hand and whispered:
+
+"'You will not betray one single word, will you? I can depend upon it?'
+
+"I nodded eagerly.
+
+"'And you will write to me soon?'
+
+"'Certainly.'
+
+"'Where shall I send the answer?'
+
+"I started. I had not in the remotest degree thought of that. But as
+the moment pressed, I mentioned at haphazard the name of an old
+inspector who had always been specially attached to me.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Time passed. One day followed another in the old way, and yet now how
+differently, how peculiarly the world had shaped itself for me.
+
+"I no longer had any need to study love from books, and search for it
+afar off; it had stepped bodily into my existence, its sweet mysteries
+played around me, and I--oh, joy!---I was joining in the game. I was
+entangled head over ears in the intrigue that was to lay the basis of
+my sister's happiness.
+
+"It was like a miracle to see how after each of Robert's visits she
+revived and gained fresh strength and colour and health. Like an
+invigorating bath those few days of their intercourse had acted upon
+her, and more even than they, probably, that miraculous fountain of
+hope from which she had drunk a long and furtive draught.
+
+"Certainly the sunny cheerfulness of other days did not return to her
+again, that seemed irretrievably lost in those seven years of weary
+waiting; no song, no laughter ever issued from her lips, but over her
+features there lay spread a soft warm glow, as if a light from within
+her soul irradiated them. Nor did she any longer drag herself about the
+house with lagging, weary steps, and whoever approached her was sure of
+a friendly smile.
+
+"And as her happiness must needs find vent in love, she also attached
+herself more closely to me, and tried to gain an insight into my hidden
+and lonely thoughts. I loved her the more dearly for it, I all the more
+often invoked God's blessing upon her, but I did not give her my
+confidence.
+
+"Before she, of her own accord, opened out her whole heart to me, I
+could not and would not confess how far I had already gazed into its
+depths.
+
+"Sometimes I caught myself looking across at her with a motherly
+feeling--if I may call it so for since I carried on an active
+correspondence with Robert, I imagined that it was I who held her
+happiness in my hands.
+
+"My vanity made of me a good genius, clad in white raiment, whose hand
+bore a palm-branch, and whose smile dispensed blessings. And meanwhile
+I counted the days till a letter from Robert came, and ran about with
+glowing cheeks when at length I carried it near my heart.
+
+"These letters had become such a necessity to me that I could hardy
+imagine how I should ever be able to exist without them. Under pretext
+of telling him all about Martha, I most cunningly understood how to
+prattle away the cares that filled his heart--childishly and foolishly
+(as men like to hear it from us, so that they may feel themselves our
+superiors), and again at other times seriously and knowingly beyond
+my years--just as I felt in the mood. He willingly submitted to my
+chatter in all its different keys, as one submits to the piping of a
+singing-bird, and more I did not ask. For I was already so grateful
+that he allowed me--a silly young girl who had still to leave the room
+when grown-up people had serious questions to discuss--to participate
+in his great, grave love. All my dignity and self-consciousness were
+based upon this _rôle_ of guardian. And thus I grew up with and by this
+love, of which never a crumb might fall for me beneath the table.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When the following autumn approached, I noticed that Martha manifested
+a peculiar restlessness. She ran about her room with excited steps,
+remained for half the nights at the open window, gesticulated and spoke
+loudly when she thought herself alone, and was violently startled
+whenever she found herself caught in the act.
+
+"I faithfully informed Robert of what I saw, and added the question
+whether he had perhaps held out any hope of his coming at this
+particular time; for Martha's whole condition seemed to me to be
+produced through painfully overwrought expectation.
+
+"I had every reason to be satisfied with the shrewdness of my seventeen
+years, for my observations proved correct.
+
+"Deeply contrite, he wrote to me that he had indeed at parting
+expressed a hope of being able to return with a cheerful face in the
+following autumn, but that he had deceived himself, that he was more
+encumbered by cares and debts than ever before, that he was working
+like a common labourer, and did not see a ray of hope anywhere.
+
+"'Then at least release her from the torture of waiting,' I wrote back
+to him, 'and cautiously inform our parents how you are placed.'
+
+"He did so; two days later already, papa, in a bad humour, brought the
+letter along, which I--on account of my childish want of judgment--was
+not allowed to read.
+
+"On Martha it operated in a way which terrified and deeply moved me.
+The excitement of the last weeks there and then disappeared. In its
+place there showed itself again that despairing listlessness which once
+before, in the days preceding Robert's coming, had worn her to a
+shadow; once more she fell away; once more deep blue rings appeared
+round her eyes; once more an odour of valerian proceeded from her mouth
+while she often writhed in pain. Added to this was the constant desire
+to weep, which at the smallest provocation, found vent in a torrent of
+tears.
+
+"This time papa did not send for a doctor. He could make the diagnosis
+himself. Even mama suffered with the poor girl, as far as her
+phlegmatic nature permitted, and it did not permit her to stir from her
+chimney-corner to tender help to her sickening daughter. As for me, I
+now for the first time found an opportunity of proving to my family
+that I was no longer a child, and that even in serious matters, my will
+claimed consideration. I took the burden of housekeeping upon my
+shoulders, and though they all smiled and remonstrated, and though
+Martha declared time after time that she would never suffer me, the
+younger one, to usurp her place, I had still in a fortnight, so far
+gained my point that the entire household danced to my pipe.
+
+"That was the only time when Martha and I ever came to hard words; but
+gradually she necessarily perceived that what I did was only done for
+her sake, and finally she was the first to feel grateful to me. In
+several other things too, she learnt to submit to me; but she sought to
+deceive herself as to my influence by remarking that one must give way
+to children.
+
+"Through my intercourse with Robert, I now learnt for the first that
+one may tell lies for love's sake. I concealed from him the sad effects
+of his letter, yes, I even unblushingly wrote to him that everything
+was as well as could be. I acted thus, because I reflected that the
+truth would plunge him into a thousand new cares and anxieties, which
+must absolutely crush him, as he was powerless to help. But it was very
+hard for me to keep up my light chatty tone, and often some joke seemed
+to freeze in my pen.
+
+"And things grew more and more troubled. Papa was despondent because
+failure of crops had destroyed his best prospects, mama grumbled
+because no one came to amuse her, and Martha faded away more and more.
+
+"Christmas drew near--such a gloomy one as our happy home had never
+before witnessed.
+
+"Round the burning Christmas tree which I had this time trimmed and
+lighted in Martha's stead, we stood and did not know what to say to
+each other for very heaviness of heart. And because no one else did so,
+I had to assume a forced smile and attempt to scare the wrinkles from
+their brows. But I got very little response indeed, and finally we
+shook hands and said 'good-night,' so that each might retire to his
+room, for we felt that anyhow we could not get on together.
+
+"When I came to Martha, who sat silently in a corner, gazing vacantly
+at the dying candles, a painful feeling darted through my breast, as if
+I were committing some wrong towards her, which I ought to redress. But
+I did not know what this wrong could be.
+
+"She kissed me on my forehead and said: 'May God ever let you keep your
+brave heart, my child; I thank you for every joke to which you forced
+yourself to-day.' I, however, knew not what to reply, for that
+consciousness of guilt, which I could not grasp, was gnawing at my
+soul. When I was alone in my room, I thought to myself, 'There, now you
+will celebrate Christmas.' I took Robert's letters out of the drawer
+where I kept them carefully hidden, and determined to read at them far
+into the night.
+
+"The storm rattled my shutters, snow-flakes drifted with a soft rustle
+against the window-panes, and above, there peacefully gleamed the
+green-shaded hanging lamp.
+
+"Then, as I comfortably spread out the little heap of letters in front
+of me, I heard next door, in Martha's room, a dull thud and thereupon
+an indistinct noise that sounded to me like praying and sobbing.
+
+"'That is how _she_ celebrates Christmas,' I said, involuntarily
+folding my hands, and again I felt that pang at my heart, as if I were
+acting deceitfully and heartlessly towards my sister.
+
+"And I brooded over it again till it became clear to me that the
+letters were to blame.
+
+"'Do I not write and keep silence all for her good?' I asked myself;
+but my conscience would not be bribed; it answered: 'No.' Like flames
+of fire my blood shot up into my face, for I recognised with what
+pleasure my own heart hung upon those letters. 'What would she not give
+for one of these papers?' I went on thinking, 'She who perhaps no
+longer believes in his love, who is wrestling with the fear that he
+only did not come because he meant to tear asunder the ties that bind
+him to her heart.' 'And you hear her sobbing?' the voice within me
+continued, 'you leave her in her anguish, and meanwhile comfort
+yourself with the knowledge that you share a secret with him, with him
+who belongs to her alone?'
+
+"I clasped my hands before my face; shame so powerfully possessed me,
+that I was afraid of the light which shone down upon me.
+
+"'Give her the letters!' the voice cried suddenly, and cried so loudly
+and distinctly that I thought the storm must have shouted the words in
+my ears.
+
+"Then I fought a hard battle; but each time my good intention wavered,
+hard pressed by the fear of breaking my word to him, and by the wish to
+remain still longer in secret correspondence with him, her sobbing and
+praying reached me more distinctly and confused my senses so, that I
+felt like fleeing to the ends of the earth in order to hear no more.
+
+"And at length I had made up my mind. I carefully packed the letters
+together in a neat little heap, tied them round with a silk ribbon, and
+set about carrying them across to her.
+
+"'That shall be your Christmas present,' said I, for I remembered that
+this year I had not been able to embroider or crochet anything for her,
+as had usually been the custom between us. And as he who gives likes to
+clothe his doings in theatrical garb in order to hide his overflowing
+heart, I determined first to act a little comedy with her.
+
+"I crept, half-dressed as I was, down into the sitting-room, where our
+presents were spread under the Christmas tree, groped in the dark for
+her plate, gathered up what lay beside it, and on the top of all placed
+the little packet of letters. Thus laden, I came to her door and
+knocked.
+
+"I heard a sound like some one dragging himself up from the floor, and
+after a long while--she was probably drying her eyes first--her voice
+was heard at the door, asking who was there and what was wanted of her.
+
+"'It is I, Martha.' I said, 'I come to bring you--your plate--you left
+it downstairs.'
+
+"'Take it with you into your room, I will fetch it to-morrow,' she
+replied, trying hard to suppress the sobs in her voice.
+
+"'But something else has been added,' said I, and my words too were
+almost choked with tears.
+
+"'Then give it me to-morrow.' she replied, 'I am already undressed.'
+
+"'But it is from me,' said I.
+
+"And because, despite her misery, in the kindness of her heart she did
+not want to hurt my feelings, she opened the door. I rushed up to her
+and wept upon her neck, while I kept tight hold of the plate with my
+left hand.
+
+"'Whatever is the matter with you, child?' she asked, and patted me. 'A
+little while ago you seemed the only cheerful one, and now----'
+
+"I pulled myself together, led her under the light, and pointed to the
+plate. At the first glance she recognised the handwriting, grew as
+white as a sheet, and stared at me like one possessed, out of eyes that
+were red with weeping.
+
+"'Take them, take them!' said I.
+
+"She stretched out her hand, but it shrank back as at the touch of
+red-hot iron.
+
+"'See, Martha!' said I, with the desire to revenge myself for her
+silence, and at the same time to brag a little, 'you had no confidence
+in me; you considered me too childish, but I saw through everything,
+and while you were fretting, I was up and doing.' Still she continued
+to stare at me, without power of comprehension. 'You imagine that he no
+longer cares about you,' I went on, 'while all the time I have had to
+give him regular account of your doings and of the state of your
+health. Every week----'
+
+"She staggered back, seized her head with both her hands, and then
+suddenly a shudder seemed to pass through her frame. She stepped close
+up to me, grasped my two hands, and with a peculiarly hoarse voice she
+said, 'Look me in the face, Olga! Which of you two wrote the first
+letter?'
+
+"'I,' said I, astonished, for I did not yet know what she was driving
+at.
+
+"'And you--you betrayed to him the state of my feelings--you--_offered_
+me, Olga?'
+
+"'What puts such an idea into your head?' said I. 'He himself confessed
+everything to me when he was here. Oh, he knew me better than you.' I
+added, for I could not let this small trump slip by. 'He was not
+ashamed to confide in me.'
+
+"'Thank God!' she murmured with a deep sigh, and folded her hands.
+
+"'But now come, Martha,' said I, leading her to the table, 'now we will
+celebrate Christmas.'
+
+"And then we read the letters together, one after the other, and from
+one and all his heart, faithful and true as gold, shone forth through
+the simple, awkward words, and spread a warm glow, so that our heavily
+oppressed souls grew lighter and more cheerful, that we laughed and
+cried with cheek pressed to cheek, and almost squeezed our hands off in
+the mutual attempt to make each other feel the pressure which his warm
+red fist was wont to give.
+
+"And then suddenly--it was at one place where he specially impressed
+upon me to be sure and take great care of her and watch over her and
+protect her for his sake--her happiness overwhelmed her, and--I blush
+to write it down--she fell on her knees before me and pressed her lips
+to my hand.
+
+"But, though I was much startled, I no longer felt anything of that
+pricking and gnawing which a little while before, under the Christmas
+tree, had so sorely beset my bosom. I knew that my guilt was blotted
+out, and with a free light heart I vowed to myself now indeed to watch
+like a guardian angel over my sister, who was so much more feeble and
+in want of direction than I, the foolish and immature child. And she
+felt this herself, for unresistingly she, who had hitherto treated me
+as a child, submitted to my guidance.
+
+"At last I had attained the desire of my heart. I had a human being
+whom I could pet and spoil as much as I pleased; and, now that every
+barrier between us had fallen, I lavished upon my sister all the
+tenderness which had for so long been stored up unused within me.
+
+"Father and mother were not a little surprised at the newly-awakened
+cordiality of our relations to each other, that just latterly had left
+much to be desired, and Martha herself could hardly grow accustomed to
+the change. She contemplated me every day in new astonishment, and
+often said, 'How could I suspect that there was so much love within
+you?'
+
+"If she could only have known what a sacrifice it cost me to divulge my
+secret, she would have put a still higher value upon my love.
+
+"Yes, I had rightly guessed how it would be: from the moment when
+Martha had held the letters in her hand, the happiness of my secret
+understanding with Robert was at an end for me. Like a stranger he now
+appeared to me, and when I sat down to write to him I felt like a mere
+machine that has to copy other people's thoughts. Often I even passed
+on a letter unread to Martha as soon as I received it from the
+inspector's hands. Sometimes it worried me that I had abused his
+confidence to such an extent, for he suspected nothing of her
+knowledge; but when I looked at her, saw her newly-awakening smile and
+the quiet, dreamy happiness that shone forth from her eyes, I consoled
+my conscience with the thought that I could not possibly have committed
+any wrong. So far I had only become his betrayer; soon I was to betray
+Martha too.
+
+"Winter and spring passed by swiftly, and the time came for storing the
+sheaves in the barns.
+
+"As soon as the harvest was over he intended to come; but before then,
+he wrote, there was many a hardship to be surmounted.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"One day papa appeared in the kitchen, where we were, with an
+apparently indifferent air, snuffled about for a while among the pots
+and pans, and meanwhile kept on slashing at the long leggings of his
+water-boots with his riding-whip.
+
+"'Why you have become a Paul Pry to-day, papa?' said I.
+
+"He gave a short laugh and remarked, 'Yes, I have become a Paul Pry.'
+And when he had for some time longer been running backwards and
+forwards without speaking, he suddenly stopped in front of Martha and
+said--
+
+"'If you should just have time, my child, you might come into the room
+for a moment. Mama and I have something to say to you.'
+
+"'Ah, I see,' said I, 'that is the reason for this long preliminary.
+May I come too?'
+
+"'No.' he replied. 'You remain in the kitchen.'
+
+"Martha gave me a long look, took off her apron, and went with him to
+the sitting-room.
+
+"For a while all remained quiet in there. Round about me the steam was
+hissing, the pots were broiling, and one of the maids was making a
+great clatter cleaning knives; but all this noise was suddenly
+penetrated by a short, piercing cry which could only proceed from
+Martha's lips.
+
+"Trembling I listened, and at the same moment papa came rushing into
+the kitchen, calling for 'Water!' I hurried past him, and found my
+sister lying fainting on the ground with her head in mama's lap.
+
+"'What have you been doing to Martha?' I cried, throwing myself on my
+knees beside her.
+
+"No one answered me. Mama, as helpless as a child, was wringing her
+hands, and papa was chewing his moustache, to suppress his tears,
+as it seemed. Then, as I bent down over the poor creature, I saw a
+blue-speckled sheet of paper lying beside her on the floor, which I
+immediately, and unobserved by any one, appropriated.
+
+"Thereupon I quickly did what was most pressing: I recalled my sister
+to consciousness, and led her, while she gazed about with vacant eyes,
+up to her room.
+
+"There I laid her upon her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, and from
+time to time wanted to drink. Her spirit did not yet seem to have
+awakened again at all.
+
+"I meanwhile secretly drew the letter from my pocket, and read what I
+here record verbally; for I have carefully preserved this monument of
+motherly and sisterly affection:--
+
+
+"'My beloved Brother! Dearest Sister-in-Law!--A circumstance of a very
+painful nature compels me to write to you to-day. You are, I am sure,
+fully convinced how much I love you, and how much my heart longs to be
+in the closest possible relation to you and your children. All through
+my life I have only shown you kindness and affection, and received the
+same from you. Relying on this affection I to-day address a request to
+you, which is prompted by the anxiety of a mother's heart. To-day my
+son Robert came to us and declared that he intended asking you for your
+daughter Martha's hand; begging us at the same time to give our
+consent, with which, as a good son and also as a prudent man he cannot
+dispense, as unfortunately he still depends, to a great extent, on our
+assistance.
+
+"'If I might have followed the bent of my heart, I would have fallen
+upon his neck with tears of joy; but, unhappily, I had to keep a clear
+head for my son and my husband--who are both children--and was forced
+to tell him that on no account could anything come of this.
+
+"'My dear brother, I do not wish to reproach you in any way for
+not having been able to keep your affairs straight in the course of
+years--far be it from me to mix myself up in matters that do not
+concern me; but as these matters now stand, your estate is encumbered
+with debts, and, with the exception of--as I would fain believe--an
+ample 'trousseau,' your daughters would not have a farthing of dowry to
+expect. On the other hand, my son Robert's estate is also heavily
+embarrassed through the payments which he had to make to us and his
+sisters and brothers--as well as by the mortgages which we still hold
+upon it, and by the interests of which we and my other children have to
+live--so that marriage with a poor girl would simply mean ruin to him.
+
+"'I do not take into account that your daughter Martha must--according
+to your letters--be a weakly and delicate creature, and therefore
+appears to me utterly unfit to take cheerfully upon herself the cares
+of this large household and to render my son Robert happy; the idea
+that she would come into his house with empty hands is in itself
+decisive for me, and suffices to convince me that she herself must
+become unhappy and make him so.
+
+"'If your daughter Martha truly loves my son Robert, it will not prove
+hard for her to renounce all thoughts of a marriage with him in the
+interests of his welfare, provided, of course, he should still have the
+courage to propose to her in spite of his parents' opposition--although
+I do not expect such filial disobedience from him, and absolutely
+cannot imagine such a thing. I am convinced, my dear relations, that
+your brotherly and sisterly affection will prompt you to join with me
+in refusing your consent, now and for ever, to such a pernicious and
+unnatural union,
+
+                      "'Yours, with sincere love,
+
+                                  "'Johanna Hellinger.
+
+"'P.S.--How have your crops turned out? Winter rye with us is good, but
+the potatoes show much disease.'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Rage at this mean and hypocritical piece of writing so possessed me,
+that loudly laughing, I crumpled the sheet of paper beneath my feet.
+
+"My laughter probably hurt Martha, for it was her moaning which at
+length brought me back to my senses. There she lay now, helplessly
+smitten down, as if shattered by the blow which should have steeled her
+strength for enhanced resistance. And as I gazed down upon her,
+tortured by the consciousness of being condemned to look on idly, there
+once again broke forth from my soul that sigh of former times: 'Oh,
+that you were--she!' But what new meaning it concealed! What then had
+been folly and childishness, had now developed into seriousness of
+purpose, ready self-sacrifice, and consciousness of strength.
+
+"I determined to act as long as ever there was time yet. First of all,
+I would go to my parents, tell them what I had done, and that for a
+long time already I had been initiated into everything--and finally
+demand of them to assign to me at length that position in the family
+council which, in spite of my youth, was due to me.
+
+"But I rejected this idea again. As soon as I participated in the
+deliberations of my family, it became my duty not to act contrary to
+whatever they thought good, and only if I apparently took no heed of
+anything, could I be working for the salvation of my poor sister
+according to my own plans and my own judgment.
+
+"I very soon saw how matters lay. Each one had read in the letter what
+most appealed to his nature.
+
+"Papa, quite possessed by a poor man's pride, would, after this, have
+thought it a disgrace to let his child enter a family where she would
+be looked at disparagingly. Mama, for her part, had been touched
+by the interspersed professions of affection, and thought that her
+sister-in-law's confidence ought not to be abused.
+
+"And my sister?
+
+"That same night, as I kept watch at her bedside, I felt her place her
+hot hand upon mine and draw me gently towards her with her feeble arm.
+
+"'I have something to say to you, Olga,' she whispered, still looking
+up at the ceiling with her sad eyes.
+
+"'Had we not better leave it till to-morrow?' I suggested.
+
+"'No,' she said, 'else meanwhile that will happen which must not
+happen. Henceforth all is over between him and me.'
+
+"'You little know him,' said I.
+
+"'But I know myself,' said she. 'I break it off.'
+
+"'Martha!' I cried, horrified.
+
+"'I know very well,' she said, 'that I shall die of it, but what does
+that matter? I am of very little account. It is better so, than that I
+should make him unhappy.'
+
+"'You are talking in a fever, Martha,' I cried, 'for I do not think you
+silly enough to let yourself be baited by the trash of that old hag.'
+
+"'I feel only too well that she speaks the truth,' said she. A cold
+shudder passed through me when I heard her pronounce these despairing
+and hopeless words as calmly and composedly as if they were a formula
+of the multiplication table. 'Do not gainsay me.' she continued; 'not
+only since to-day do I know this--I have always felt something of the
+kind, and ought by rights not to have been startled to-day; but it
+certainly does upset one, when one so unexpectedly sees in writing
+before one's eyes the death sentence which hitherto one has scarcely
+dared to suggest to one's own conscience.'
+
+"As eloquently as I possibly could, I remonstrated with her. I
+consigned our aunt to the blackest depths of hell, and proved to a
+nicety that she (Martha) alone was born to become the good angel in
+Robert's house. But it was no good, her faith in herself would not be
+revived; the blow had fallen upon her too heavily. And finally she
+expected it of me to write no further letter to him, and to break off
+our intercourse once and for all. I was alarmed to the depths of my
+soul, no less for my own than for her sake. I refused, too, with all
+the energy of which I was capable; but she persisted in her
+determination, and as she even threatened to betray our correspondence
+to our parents, I was at length forced to comply, whether I would or
+no.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Troubled days were in store. Martha slunk about the house like
+a ghost. Papa rode like wild through the woods, stayed away at
+meal-times, and had not a good word for any of us. Mama, our good, fat
+mama, sat knitting in her corner, and from time to time wiped the tears
+out of her eyes, while she looked round anxiously, lest any one should
+notice it. Yes, it was a sad time!
+
+"Two urgent letters from Robert had arrived. He wrote that he was in
+great trouble, and I was to send him tidings forthwith. I told Martha
+nothing of them, but I kept my promise.
+
+"A week had passed by, when I noticed that our parents were discussing
+what answer they would send to aunt. In order to exclude any suspicion
+of sneaking into a marriage, papa had the intention of binding himself
+by a final promise, and mama said 'yes,' as she said yes to everything
+that did not concern jellies and sweets.
+
+"The same day Martha declared that she felt unfit to leave her
+bed--that she had no pain, but that her limbs would not carry her.
+
+"Thus I saw misfortune gathering more and more darkly. I dared not
+hesitate any longer.
+
+"'Come! Redeem your promise before it is too late.' These words I wrote
+to him. And to be quite sure, I myself ran down into the town, and
+handed the letter to the postillion who was just preparing to start for
+Prussia.
+
+"At the moment when the envelope left my hands, I felt a pang at my
+heart as if I had thereby surrendered by soul to strange powers.
+
+"Three times I was on the point of returning to ask my letter back, but
+when I did so in good earnest the postillion was already far away.
+
+"When I climbed up the slope leading to the manor house I hid myself in
+the bushes and wept bitterly.
+
+"From that hour an agitation possessed me, such as I had never before
+in my life experienced. I felt as if fever were burning in my limbs--at
+nights I ran about my room restlessly, all day long I was on the
+look-out, and every approaching carriage drove all the blood to my
+heart.
+
+"I gave wrong answers to every question, and the very maids in the
+kitchen began to shake their heads doubtfully. A bride who is expecting
+her bridegroom could not behave more crazily.
+
+"This state of things lasted for four days, and it was lucky for me
+that each member of the family was so engrossed with himself, else
+suspicion and cross-examination could not have been spared me.
+
+"This time I did not receive him. When I recognised his figure in the
+strange, four-horse carriage which, all besplashed with mud, tore
+through the courtyard gate, I ran up to the attic and hid in the most
+remote corner.
+
+"My face was aglow, my limbs trembled, and before my eyes fiery-red
+mists were dancing.
+
+"Downstairs I heard doors banging, heard hurried steps lumber up and
+down the stairs, heard the servants' voices calling my name--I did not
+stir.
+
+"And when all had become quiet, I stole cautiously down the back
+staircase, out into the park, in the wildest wilderness of which I
+crouched down. A peculiar feeling of bitterness and shame agitated me.
+I felt as if I must take to flight, only never again to have to face
+that pair of eyes for whose coming I yet had so longingly waited. And
+then I pictured to myself what, during these moments, was most probably
+taking place in the house. Papa was sure to have been somewhat helpless
+at sight of him, for he certainly still felt the effects of that wicked
+letter; he was sure also to have resisted a little when he heard him
+utter his proposal; but then Martha had appeared--how quickly she has
+found her strength again, poor ailing creature, who but a few moments
+ago lay tired to death on the sofa, how quickly she will have forgotten
+everything that the years have brought of sorrow and sadness--and now
+they will lie in each other's embrace and not remember me.
+
+"And then suddenly a dark feeling of defiance awoke within me. 'Why do
+you hide away?' cried a voice. 'Have you not done your duty? Is not all
+this your work?'
+
+"With a sudden jerk I raised myself up, smoothed back my tumbled hair
+from my forehead, and with firm tread and set lips I walked towards the
+house. No sound of rejoicing greeted my ears. All was quiet--quiet as
+the grave. In the dining-room I found mama alone. She had folded her
+hands and was heaving deep sighs, while great tears rolled down as far
+as her white double chin.
+
+"'That is the result of her emotion.' thought I to myself, and sat down
+facing her.
+
+"'Wherever have you been hiding, Olga?' she said, this time drying her
+eyes quite leisurely. 'You must have a few young fowls killed for
+supper, and set the good Moselle in a cold place. Cousin Robert has
+come.'
+
+"'Ah, indeed,' said I, very calmly, 'where may he be?'
+
+"'He is speaking to papa in his study.'
+
+"'And where is Martha?' I asked, smiling.
+
+"She gave me a disapproving look for my precociousness, and then said,
+'She is in there, too.'
+
+"'Then I suppose I can go at once and offer my congratulations; I
+remarked.
+
+"'Saucy girl,' said she.
+
+"But before I could carry out my purpose the door of the adjoining room
+opened and in walked slowly, as slowly as if he came from a sepulchre,
+Robert--Cousin Robert, with ashy pale face and great drops of
+perspiration on his brow. I felt how, at sight of him, all my blood,
+too, left my face. A presentiment of evil awoke within me.
+
+"'Where is Martha?' I cried, hastening towards him.
+
+"'I do not know.' He spoke as if every word choked him. He did not even
+shake hands.
+
+"And then papa came too, after him.
+
+"Mama had got up and all three stood there and silently shook hands
+like at a funeral.
+
+"'Where is Martha?' I cried once more.
+
+"'Go and look after her,' said papa, 'she will want you.'
+
+"I rushed out, up the stairs to her room. It was locked.
+
+"'Martha, open the door! It is I.'
+
+"Nothing stirred.
+
+"I begged, I implored, I promised to make everything right again. I
+lavished endearing epithets upon her--that, too, was in vain. Nothing
+was audible except from time to time a deep breath which sounded like a
+gasp from a half-throttled throat.
+
+"Then rage seized me, that I should be everywhere repulsed.
+
+"'I suppose I am just good enough to prepare the mourning repast.' I
+said, laughing out loud, ran to the maids and had six young chickens
+killed and even stood by calmly while the poor little creatures' blood
+squirted out of their necks.
+
+"One of them, a young cockerel, quite desperately beat its wings and
+crowed for very terror of death, while it thrust its spurs at the
+maid's fingers.
+
+"'Even a poor, weak animal like this resists when one tries to kill
+it,' I thought to myself, 'but my lady sister humbly kisses the hand
+that wields the knife against her.'
+
+"The death of these innocent beings might almost be called gay in
+comparison with the meal for which they served. No condemned criminal's
+last meal could pass more dismally. Every five minutes some one
+suddenly began to talk, and then talked as if paid for it. The others
+nodded knowingly, but I could very well see: whoever heard did not know
+what he heard, whoever talked did not know what he was talking about.
+
+"Martha had not put in an appearance. When we were about to separate,
+each one to go to his room, Robert seized both my hands and drew me
+into a corner.
+
+"'My thanks to you, Olga,' he said, while his lips twitched, 'for
+having so faithfully taken my part. Now we will mark a long pause at
+the end of our letters.'
+
+"'For heaven's sake, Robert,' I stammered, 'however did this come
+about?'
+
+"He shrugged his shoulders. 'I suppose I kept her waiting too long,' he
+then said; 'she has grown tired of me.'
+
+"I was about to cry out: 'That is not true--that is not true! 'but
+behind us stood my father and informed him that, according to his wish,
+the conveyance would be ready at daybreak.
+
+"'Then I am not to see you any more?' I cried, alarmed.
+
+"He shook his head. 'We had better bid each other good-bye now,' he
+said, and squeezed my hand.
+
+"Within me a voice cried that he must not depart thus, that I must
+speak to him at any price. But I bravely suppressed the words that were
+nearly choking me. And so we once more shook hands and separated.
+
+"I had several things to do yet in the house, and while I put out some
+coffee and weighed out flour and bacon for next morning's meal, the
+words were constantly in my ears: 'You must speak to him.'
+
+"Then, as I went, with my candle in my hand, up to my room, I made a
+detour past his door, for I hoped I might perhaps meet him on the
+landing; but that was empty, and his door was closed. Only the sound of
+his heavy footsteps inside the room was audible throughout the house.
+
+"In Martha's room it was as silent as death. I put my ear to the
+keyhole; nothing was audible. She might as well have been dead or
+flown.
+
+"Terror seized me. I knelt down in front of the keyhole, begged and
+implored, and finally threatened to fetch our parents if she still
+persisted in giving no sign of life.
+
+"Then at length she vouchsafed me an answer. I heard a voice: 'Spare
+me, child, just for to-day spare me!' And this voice sounded so strange
+that I hardly recognised it.
+
+"I went on my way now, but my fear increased lest he might set forth
+with anger and disappointment in his heart, without a word of
+explanation, without ever having suspected the greatness of Martha's
+love.
+
+"A very fever burnt within my brain, and every pulsation of my veins
+cried out to me: 'You must speak to him--you must speak to him!'
+
+"I half undressed and threw myself on the sofa. The clock struck
+eleven--it struck half-past eleven. Still his footsteps resounded
+through the house. But the later it was, the more did it grow
+impossible for me to carry out my resolve.
+
+"What if a servant should spy upon me--should see me stealing into our
+guest's room! My heart stood still at the thought.
+
+"The clock struck twelve. I opened the window and looked out upon the
+world. Everything seemed asleep, even from Robert's and Martha's rooms
+no light shone forth. Both were burying their sorrow and anguish in the
+lap of darkness.
+
+"With the night wind that beat against the casement, the words droned
+in my ears: 'You must--you must!' And like a soft sweet melody it
+coaxed and cajoled at intervals: 'Thus you will see him again--will
+feel his hand in yours--will hear his voice--perhaps even his laugh; do
+you not want to bring him happiness--the happiness of his life?'
+
+"With a sudden impulse I shut the casement, wrapped myself in my
+dressing-gown, took my slippers in my hand and stole out into the dark
+corridor.
+
+"Ah, how my heart beat, how my blood coursed through my temples! I
+staggered--I was obliged to support myself by the walls.
+
+"Now I stood outside his door. Even yet his footsteps shook the boards.
+But the noise of his heavy tread had ceased. He had evidently divested
+himself of his boots.
+
+"'You must not knock!' it struck me suddenly, 'that would not escape
+Martha.'
+
+"My hand grasped the door-handle. I shuddered. I do not know how I
+opened the door. I felt as if some one else had done it for me.
+
+"Before me the outline of his mighty figure----.
+
+"A low cry from his lips--a bound towards me. Then I felt both my hands
+clutched--felt a hot wave of breath near my forehead.
+
+"At the first moment the mad idea may have darted through his brain,
+that Martha had in such impetuous manner bethought herself of her old
+love--in the next he had already recognised me.
+
+"'For Heaven's sake, child,' he cried, 'whatever has possessed you?
+What brings you to me? Has no one possibly seen you, say--has no one
+seen you?'
+
+"I shook my head. He still evidently thinks you very stupid, I thought
+to myself, and drew a deep breath, for I felt the terrors of my venture
+were disappearing from my soul.
+
+"He set me free and hastened to make a light. I groped my way to the
+sofa, and dropped down in a corner.
+
+"The light of the candle flared up--it dazzled me. I turned towards the
+wall and covered my face. A feeling of weakness, a longing to cling to
+something, had come over me. I was so glad to be with him, that I
+forgot all else.
+
+"'Olga, my dear, good child,' he urged, 'speak out, tell me what you
+want of me?'
+
+"I looked up at him. I saw his swarthy, serious face, in which the
+day's trouble had graven deep furrows, and became lost in its
+contemplation.
+
+"'What do you want? Do you bring me news of Martha?'
+
+"'Yes, of course, Martha!' I pulled myself together. Away with this
+sentimental self-abandon! In my limbs I once more felt the firm
+strength of which I was so proud. 'Listen, Robert,' said I, 'you will
+not set out at daybreak already.'
+
+'Why should I not do so?' said he, setting his lips.
+
+"'Because I do not wish it!'
+
+"'All due respect to your wishes, my dear child!' replied he, with a
+bitter laugh, 'but they alter nothing in my resolve.'
+
+"'So you want to lose Martha for ever?'
+
+"Now I felt myself once more so strong and joyous in my _rôle_ of
+guardian, that I would have taken up fight with the whole world to
+bring these two together. Foolish, unsuspecting creature that I was!
+
+"'Have I not already lost her?' he replied, and stared into vacancy.
+
+"'What did she say to you to-day?'
+
+"'Why should I repeat it? She spoke very wisely and very staidly, as
+one can only speak if one has ceased to love a person.'
+
+"'And you really believe that?' I asked.
+
+"'Must I not believe it? And after all, what does it signify? Even if
+she had retained a remnant of her affection for me, she did well to get
+rid of it thoroughly on this occasion; it is better thus, for her as
+well as for me. I have nothing to offer her; no happiness, no joy,
+not even some little paltry pleasure, nothing but work, and trouble,
+and anxiety--from year's end to year's end. And added to that, a
+mother-in-law who is hostile to her, who would make her feel it keenly,
+that she had come with empty hands.'
+
+"I felt how my blood rushed to my face. I was ashamed, but not for
+Martha or myself--for I was of course just as poor as she; no, for him,
+that he should have to speak thus of his own mother.
+
+"'And now say yourself, my girl,' he went on, 'is she not wiser, with
+such prospects before her, to remain in the shelter of her warm nest,
+and to send me about my business, as I could never give her anything
+but unhappiness?'
+
+"He dishevelled his hair and ran about the room the while like a hunted
+animal.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'you are deceiving yourself.'
+
+"He stopped, looked at me and laughed out loud: 'What is it you want of
+me? Am I perhaps to demand a written confirmation of her refusal,
+before I betake myself off?'
+
+"'Robert,' I continued, without allowing myself to be put out, 'tell me
+candidly whether you love her?'
+
+"'Child,' he replied, 'should I be here if I did not love her?'
+
+"With his huge arms outspread he stood before me. I felt as if I must
+be crushed between them if they closed around me--everything danced
+before my eyes--I squeezed myself further into my corner. And then
+there came into my thoughts what I had pictured to myself now and for
+years before; how I would love him if I were Martha, and how I should
+want him to love me in return.
+
+"'See, Robert.' I said, 'taking me altogether, I am a foolish creature.
+But as regards love, I do know about that, not only through the poets;
+I have felt it in myself for a long time.'
+
+"'Do you love some one then?' he asked.
+
+"I blushed and shook my head.
+
+"'How else can you feel it within you?' he went on.
+
+"'It came as an inspiration from Heaven,' I replied, lowering my gaze to
+the ground, 'but I know I would not love like you two. I would not be
+downcast, I would not steal away as you are doing and say: "It is
+better so!" I would compel her with the ardour of my soul; I would
+conquer her with the strength of my arms; I would clasp her to my
+breast and carry her away with me, no matter whither! Out into the
+night, into the desert, if no sun would shine upon us, no house give us
+shelter. I would starve with her at the roadside, rather than give fair
+words to the world--the world that sought to separate me from her.
+Thus, Robert, I would act if I were you; and if I were she, I would
+laughingly throw myself upon your breast, and would say to you: "Come,
+I will go a-begging for you if you have no bread, my lap shall be your
+resting-place if you have no bed, your wounds I will heal with my
+tears--I will suffer a thousand deaths for your sake, and thank God
+that it is vouchsafed to me to do so." You see, Robert, that is how I
+imagine love, and not pasted together out of fear of mothers-in-law and
+unpaid interests.'
+
+"I had talked myself into a passion. I felt how my cheeks were a-glow,
+and then suddenly shame overwhelmed me at the thought that I had thus
+laid bare to him my innermost being. I pressed my hands to my face, and
+struggled with my tears.
+
+"When I dared to look up again, he was standing before me with
+glistening eyes and staring at me.
+
+"'Child,' he said, 'where in all the world did you get that from? Why
+it sounded like the Song of Songs.'
+
+"I set my teeth and was silent. I did not know myself how it had come
+to me.
+
+"He then seated himself at my side and seized both my hands.
+
+"'Olga.' he went on, 'what you just said was not exactly practical, but
+it was beautiful and true, and has stirred up the very depths of my
+soul. It seemed to me as if I were listening to a voice from some other
+world, and I am almost ashamed of having been faint-hearted and
+cowardly. But even if I braced myself up and thought as you do: what
+good would it all be, seeing that she no longer cares for me?'
+
+"'She not care for you?' I cried, 'she will die of it, if you leave
+her, Robert!'
+
+"'Olga!'
+
+"I saw how a joyful doubt illumined his countenance, and I felt as if a
+strange hand were gripping at my throat; but I would not let myself be
+deterred from my purpose, and gathering together all my defiance, I
+continued: 'I know, Robert, that you will despise me when you have
+heard what I am about to tell you; but I must do it, so that you may
+understand that you _cannot_ depart. I have played a false game towards
+you, Robert, I have betrayed your confidence.'
+
+"And with bated breath, gasping forth the words, I told him what I had
+done with his letters.
+
+"I had not nearly finished when I suddenly felt myself seized in his
+arms and clasped to his breast.
+
+"'Olga, and this is true?' he cried, quite beside himself with joy,
+'can you swear to me that it is the truth?'
+
+"I nodded affirmatively, for the tremor that ran deliciously through my
+veins had robbed me of speech.
+
+"'God bless you for this, you wise, brave girl,' he cried, and pressed
+me so firmly to his breast that I could hardly draw my breath. I let my
+head drop upon his shoulder and closed my eyes. And then I started as I
+felt his lips upon mine. It seemed to me as if a flame had touched me.
+And again and again he kissed me, quite senseless with gratitude and
+happiness.
+
+"I kept thinking: 'Oh, that this moment might never end!' And tremor
+upon tremor shook my frame; quite limp I hung in his arms. Only once
+the idea darted through my mind: 'May you return his kisses?' But I did
+not dare to do so.
+
+"How long he held me thus I do not know, I only felt my head suddenly
+fall heavily against the sofa-ledge. Then the pain awakened me as from
+a deep, deep dream.
+
+"I lay there motionless and gasped for breath. He noticed it and cried
+in alarm, 'You are growing quite pale, child; have you hurt yourself?'
+
+"I nodded, and remarked that it was nothing, and would soon pass over.
+Ah! I knew too well that it would not pass over, that it would be
+graven in flaming letters upon my heart and upon my senses, that on
+many a long, cold, winter's night I should I find warmth in the glow of
+this moment, in this glow which was only the reflection of love for
+another.
+
+"I knew all that, and felt as if I must succumb beneath the weight of
+this consciousness, but I braced myself up, for I had sufficiently
+learnt to keep myself under control.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'I want to give you a piece of advice, and then let
+me go, for I am tired!'
+
+"'Speak, speak!' he cried, 'I will blindly do whatever you wish.'
+
+"Then, as I looked at him, it made me sigh with mingled pain and bliss,
+for the thought kept coming to me: 'He has held you in his arms.' I
+should have liked best of all to sink back once more with closed eyes
+into the sofa-corner, and simulate fainting a little longer, but I
+pulled myself together and said: 'I am pretty certain that Martha will
+not close her eyes to-night, but be on the watch to see you go. She
+will want to look after you; and as her room lies towards the garden
+she will either go into yours or the one adjoining. When you get
+downstairs wait a little while, and then do as if you had forgotten
+something, and then--and then----' I could not go on, for all too
+mighty within me was the sobbing and rejoicing: 'He has held you in his
+arms.'
+
+"I feared that I should no longer be able to master my
+excitement--without a word of farewell I turned to take to flight
+precipitately. When I opened the door--Martha stood before me. She
+stood there, barefooted, half-dressed, as pale as death, and trembling.
+She was unable to stir; her strength probably failed her.
+
+"And at the same moment I heard behind me a glad cry, saw him rush past
+me and clasp her tottering form in his arms.
+
+"'Thank God, now I have you!' That was the last I heard; then I fled to
+my room as if pursued by furies, locked and bolted everything, and
+wept, wept bitterly.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Over the days that now followed, with their crushing blows of fate,
+with their lingering sorrow, I will pass with rapid stride. In them I
+became matured: I became a woman.
+
+"Eight months after that night papa was carried home on a waggon-rack.
+He had fallen from his horse and sustained grave internal injuries.
+Three days later he died. In the misery that now beset the household, I
+was the only one who kept a clear head. Martha broke down feebly, and
+mama--oh, our poor dear mama! She had been sitting for so many years
+comfortably and placidly in the chimney-corner, knitting stockings and
+chewing fruit-jujubes the while, that she would not and could not
+realise that it must be different now. She spoke not a single word, she
+hardly shed a tear, but internally the sore spread, and even had the
+brain fever, which attacked her four weeks later, spared her, her
+sorrow would still have broken her heart.
+
+"There, now, those two lay in the churchyard, and we two orphans were
+left helpless in our desolate home, and waited for the time when we
+should be driven forth. I, for my part, knew which way my path lay, and
+knew that the future would have nothing to offer me but the hard bread
+of service; I did not despair and did not quarrel with my fate. I knew
+that I possessed sufficient strength and pride to hold my own even
+among strangers, but it was for Martha--who now less than ever could
+dispense with love and consolation--that I trembled.
+
+"Her marriage still lay in the far distance; Robert must not let her
+wait much longer or she might easily waste away in her misery and one
+morning silently die out like a little lamp in which the oil is
+consumed.
+
+"I was not deceived in him. To the funerals he had not been able to
+come; but his words of consolation had been there at all times, and had
+helped Martha over the most trying hours. For me, too, there was
+sometimes a crumb of comfort, and I eagerly seized upon it like one
+starving.
+
+"One day he himself arrived. 'Now I have come to fetch you home,' he
+cried out to Martha. She sank upon his breast and there wept her fill.
+The happy creature! I meanwhile crept away into the darkest arbour, and
+wondered whether my heart would ever find a home prepared for it, where
+it might take refuge in hours of trouble or hours of happiness! I
+very well felt that these were idle dreams, for the only place in the
+world--in short, a feeling of defiance awoke within me, of bitterness
+so great, so galling to my whole nature, that I harshly and gloomily
+fled my dear ones' embrace, and grew cold and reserved in solitary
+sadness.
+
+"I was to go with them, was to share the remnant of happiness that
+still remained for them, and to make a permanent home for myself at my
+brother-in-law's hearth; but coldly and obstinately I repudiated his
+offer.
+
+"In vain both of them strove to solve the riddle of my behaviour, and
+Martha, who fretted because none of her happiness was to fall to my
+share, often came at nights to my bedside and wept upon my neck. Then I
+felt ashamed of my hard disposition, spoke to her caressingly as to a
+child, and did not allow her to leave me till a smile of hope broke
+through her trouble.
+
+"For a week Robert worked hard in every direction to dispose of our
+belongings and find purchasers for them. Very little remained over for
+us; but then we did not require anything.
+
+"Then, quite quietly, the wedding took place. I and the old
+head-inspector were the witnesses, and instead of a wedding breakfast
+we went out to the churchyard and bade farewell to the newly-made
+graves, whose yellow sand the ivy was beginning to cover scantily with
+thin trails.
+
+"During the last weeks I had been looking out for a suitable situation.
+I had received several offers; I had only to choose. And when Robert,
+with grave and solemn looks, placed himself in front of me and
+solicitously asked, 'What is to become of you now, child?' with a calm
+smile I disclosed to him my plans for the future, so that he clapped
+his hands in admiration and cried 'Upon my word I envy you; you
+understand how to make your way.'
+
+"And Martha too envied me, that I could see by the sad looks which she
+fastened on me and Robert. She herself wished that she might once more
+have all my unbroken, youthful strength to lay it upon his altar of
+sacrifice. I kissed her and told her to keep up her spirits, and her
+eyes with which she looked imploringly up at Robert said: 'I give you
+all that I am; forgive me that it is not more.'
+
+"Next morning we set forth; the young couple to their new home--I to go
+among strangers.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Of the next three years I will say nothing at all. What I suffered
+during that time in the way of mortification and humiliation is graven
+with indelible lines upon my soul; it has finally achieved the
+hardening of my disposition, and made me cold and suspicious towards
+every living human being. I have learnt to despise their hatred and
+still more their love. I have learnt to smile when anguish was tearing
+with iron grip at my soul. I have learnt to carry my head erect, when I
+could have hidden it in the dust for very shame.
+
+"The leaden heaviness of dreary, loveless days, the terrible weight of
+darkness in sleepless nights, the loathsome dissonance of lascivious
+flattery, the endless, oppressive silence of strangers' jealousy--with
+all these I became familiar.
+
+"It was indeed a hard crust of bread that I ate among strangers, and
+often enough I moistened it with my tears.
+
+"The only comfort, the only pleasure that remained to me, were Martha's
+letters. She wrote often, at times even daily, and generally there was
+a postscript in Robert's scrawling, awkward handwriting. Oh, how I
+pounced upon it! How I devoured the words! Thus I lived through their
+whole life with them. It was not cheerful--no, indeed not! But still it
+was life! Often the waves of trouble closed over them; then both of
+them, strong Robert and weak Martha, were defenceless and helpless like
+two children, and I had to intervene and tender advice and
+encouragement.
+
+"Finally, I had become so well acquainted with their household that I
+could have recognised the voice and face of each of their servants, of
+every one of their friends and acquaintances.
+
+"Aunt Hellinger I hated with my most ardent hatred, the old physician I
+loved with my most ardent love, the insipid set of Philistines who had
+such a spiteful way of looking at everything, and so exactly reckoned
+out on their fingers the progress of decay on Robert's estate, I held
+in iciest contempt. 'Oh that I were in her place!' I often muttered
+between my set teeth, when Martha plaintively described the little
+trials of their social intercourse, 'how I would send them about their
+business, these cold, haughty shopkeepers! how they should crawl in the
+dust before me, subdued by my scorn and mockery!'
+
+"But her little joys I also shared with her. I saw her ordering and
+disposing as mistress in and out of the house, saw the little band of
+willing servants around her, and wished I could have been still gentler
+and more helpful than she--this angel in human shape. I saw her seated
+on the sunny balcony, bending over her needlework. I saw her taking her
+afternoon rest under the great branches of the limes in the garden. I
+saw her, as she sat waiting for his appearance, dreamily gazing out
+upon the whirling snow-flakes, when, outside, his deep voice resounded
+across the courtyard, and inside, the coffee-machine was cosily
+humming.
+
+"Thus I lived their life with them, while for me one lonely and joyless
+day joined on to the next like the iron links of an endless chain.
+
+"It was in the third year that Martha confessed to me that Robert's
+ardent wish and her own silent prayer was to be fulfilled--that she was
+to become a mother. But at the same time her terror grew, lest her
+weak, frail body should not be equal to the trial which was in store
+for her. I hoped and feared with her, and perhaps more than she, for
+loneliness and distance distorted the visions of my imagination. Many a
+night I woke up bathed in tears; for in my dreams I had already seen
+her as a corpse before me. A memory of my earliest girlhood returned to
+me, when I had found her one day, rigid and pale, like one dead, upon
+the sofa.
+
+"This vision did not leave me. The nearer the decisive term approached,
+the more was I consumed with anxiety. I began to suffer bodily from the
+misgivings of my brain, and the strangers among whom I dwelt--I will
+not mention them by name, for they are not worth naming in these
+pages--grew to be mere phantoms for me.
+
+"Martha's last letters sounded proud and full of joyful hope. Her fear
+seemed to have disappeared; she already revelled in the delights of
+approaching maternity.
+
+"Then followed three days in which I remained without news, three days
+of feverish anxiety, and then at length came a telegram from my
+brother-in-law--'Martha safely delivered of a boy, wants you. Come
+quickly.'
+
+"With the telegram in my hand, I hastened to my mistress and asked for
+the necessary leave of absence. It was refused me. I, in wildly aroused
+fury, flung my notice to quit in her face, and demanded my freedom
+instantly.
+
+"They tried to find excuses, said I could not be spared just then, that
+I must at least make up my accounts, and formally hand over my
+management; the long and the short of it was, that by means of
+despicable pretexts they delayed me for two days, as if to make the
+dependant, who had always behaved so proudly, feel once more to the
+full the degradation of her humble position.
+
+"Then came a night full of dull stupefaction in the midst of the
+sense-confusing noise of a railway carriage, a morning of shivering
+expectation spent amidst trunks and hat-boxes in a dreary waiting-room,
+where the smell of beer turned one faint. Then a further six hours,
+jammed in between a commercial traveller and a Polish Jew, in the
+stuffy cushions of a postchaise, and at last--at last in the red glow
+of the clear autumn evening, the towers of the little town appeared in
+view, near the walls of which those dearest to me--the only dear ones I
+possessed in the world--had built their nest.
+
+"The sun was setting when I alighted from the postchaise, between the
+wheels of which dead leaves were whirling about in little circles.
+
+"With fast beating heart I looked about me. I thought I saw Robert's
+giant figure coming towards me; but only a few stray idlers were
+loafing around, and gaped at my strange apparition. I asked the
+conductor the way, and, relying for the rest upon Martha's description,
+I set forth alone on my search.
+
+"In front of the low shop doors, groups were standing gossiping, and
+people out for a walk sauntered leisurely towards me. At my approach
+they stopped short, staring at me like at some wonderful bird; and when
+I had passed, low whispers and giggles sounded behind me. A horror
+seized me at this miserable Philistinism.
+
+"Not until I saw the town gate with its towerlike walls rise up before
+me, did my mind grow easier. I knew it quite well. Martha in her
+letters was wont to call it the 'Gate of Hell,' for through it she had
+to pass when an invitation from her I mother-in-law summoned her into
+the town.
+
+"As I walked through the dark vaulting, I suddenly saw on the other
+side of the archway, framed as it were in a black frame, the 'Manor'
+before my eyes.
+
+"It lay hardly a thousand paces away from me. The white walls of the
+manor house gleamed across waving bushes, flooded by the purple rays of
+the setting sun. The zinc-covered roof glistened as if a cascade of
+foaming water were gliding down over it. From the windows flames seemed
+to be bursting, and a storm-cloud hung like a canopy of black curdling
+smoke over the coping.
+
+"I pressed my hands to my heart; its beating almost took my breath, so
+deeply did the sight affect me. For a moment I had a feeling as if I
+must turn back there and then, and hasten away precipitately from this
+place, never stopping or staying till the distance gave me shelter.
+All my anxiety for Martha was swallowed up in this mysterious fear,
+which almost strangled me. I rebuked myself for being foolish and
+cowardly, and, gathering together all my strength, I proceeded along
+the country road in which half-dried-up puddles gleamed like mirrors in
+the cart-ruts. Through the crests of the poplars above me there passed
+a hoarse rustling, which accompanied me till I reached the courtyard
+gate. Just as I entered it, the last sunbeam disappeared behind the
+walls of the manor and the darkness of the mighty lime trees, which
+spread from the park across the path, so suddenly enveloped me that I
+thought night had come on.
+
+"To the right and left tumble-down brickwork, overgrown with
+half-withered celandine, jutted out above ragged thorn-bushes--the
+remains of the old castle, upon the ruins of which the manor house had
+been erected. An atmosphere of death and decay seemed to lie over it
+all.
+
+"I spied fearfully across the vast courtyard, which the dusk of evening
+was beginning to cloak in blue mists. At every sound I started; I felt
+as if Robert's mighty voice must shout a welcome to me. The courtyard
+was empty, the silence of the vesper hour rested upon it. Only from one
+of the stable-doors there came the peculiar hissing sound which the
+sharpening of a scythe produces. A scent of new-mown hay filled the air
+with its peculiarly sweet, pungent aroma.
+
+"Slowly and timidly, like an intruder, I crept along the garden
+railings towards the manor house, that seemed to look down upon
+me grimly and forbiddingly, with its granite pillars and its
+weather-beaten turrets and gables. Here and there the stucco had
+crumbled away, and the blackish bricks of the wall appeared beneath it.
+It looked as if time, like a long illness, had covered this venerable
+body with scars. The front door stood ajar. A large dark hall opened
+before me, from which a peculiar odour of fresh chalk and damp fungi
+streamed towards me--through small coloured glass windows, placed like
+glowing nests close under the ceiling and all covered with cobwebs, a
+dim twilight penetrated this space, hardly sufficient to bring into
+light the immense cupboards ranged along the walls. A brighter gleam
+fell upon a broad flight of stairs worn hollow, the steps of which
+rested upon stone pilasters. High vaulted oaken doors led to the inner
+apartments, but I did not venture to approach one of them. They seemed
+to me like prison gates. I was still standing there, timidly trying to
+find my way, when the front door was torn open and through the wide
+aperture two great yellow-spotted hounds rushed upon me.
+
+"I uttered a cry. The monsters jumped up at me, snuffed at my clothes,
+and then raced back to the door, barking and yelling.
+
+"'Who is there?' cried a voice, whose deep-sounding modulations I had
+so often fancied I heard in waking and dreaming. The aperture was
+darkened. There he stood.
+
+"Red mists seemed to roll before my eyes. I felt as if my feet were
+rooted to the ground. Breathing heavily, I leant against the stair
+column.
+
+"'Who the deuce is there?' he cried once more, while he vainly tried to
+pierce the darkness with his eyes.
+
+"I gathered up all my defiance. Calmly and proudly, as I had bid him
+farewell years before, would I meet him again to-day. What need for him
+to know how much I had suffered since then!
+
+"'Olga--really--Olga--is it you?' The suppressed delight that
+penetrated through his words gave me a warm thrill of pleasure. I felt
+for a moment as if I must throw myself upon his breast and weep out my
+heart there, but I kept my composure.
+
+"'Were you not expecting me?' I asked, mechanically stretching out my
+hand to him.
+
+"Oh, yes--of course--we have been expecting you every hour for the last
+two days--that is, we began to think----"
+
+"He had clasped my hand in both his, and was trying to look into my
+face. A peculiar mixture of cordiality and awkwardness lay in his
+manner. It seemed as if he were vainly trying to discover traces of his
+former good friend in me.
+
+"'How is Martha?' I asked.
+
+"'You will see for yourself.' he replied. 'I do not understand these
+things. To me she appears so weak and so fragile that I tell myself it
+will be a miracle if she survives it. But the doctor says she is
+getting on well, and I suppose he must know best.'
+
+"'And the child?' I asked further.
+
+"A low, suppressed laugh sounded down to me through the semi-obscurity.
+
+"'The child--h'm--the child----' and instead of completing his
+sentence, he gave the dogs a kick, which sent them tearing out of the
+house forthwith.
+
+"'Come,' he then said, 'I will show you the way.'
+
+"We went upstairs, silently, without looking at each other.
+
+"'You have grown a stranger to him!' I thought to myself, and terror
+arose within me, as if I had lost some long-cherished happiness.
+
+"'Wait a moment,' he said, pointing to one of the nearest doors. 'I
+should like to say a word to her to prepare her; the excitement, else,
+might hurt her.'
+
+"Next moment I stood alone in a dark, high-vaulted corridor, at the
+further end of which the rays of the departing day shone in dark
+glowing flames, and cast a long streak of light upon the shining flags
+of the flooring. Undefined sounds, like the singing of a child's voice,
+floated past my ears, when the draught caught in the arches.
+
+"A low cry of joy, which penetrated to me through the door, made me
+start up. My blood welled hotly to my heart: I felt as if its rushing
+must choke me. Then the door opened, Robert's hand groped for me in the
+darkness. Quite dazed, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, and only
+recovered myself when I had dropped on my knees at a bedside, burying
+my face in the pillows, while a moist, hot hand lovingly stroked my
+head. A feeling of homeliness, soft and soothing, such as I had not
+known for years, cajoled my senses. I feared to raise my eyes, for I
+thought it must all be lost to me again if I did.
+
+"Like a blessing from above the hand rested upon my head. Supreme
+gratitude filled my breast. I seized the hand which trembled in mine
+and pressed my lips upon it long and passionately.
+
+"'What are you doing there, sister--what are you doing?' I heard her
+tired, slightly veiled voice.
+
+"I raised myself up. There she lay before me, pale and thin-faced, with
+dark hollows round her eyes, in which tears were glistening. Like a
+flake of snow she lay there, so delicate and so white; blue, swollen
+veins were traceable on her wan neck, and on her forehead, which seemed
+to shine as with a light from within, there stood beads of
+perspiration. She was aged and worn since I had last seen her, and it
+did not seem as if the crisis of the birth alone had acted
+destructively upon her. But her smile remained the same as of old, that
+loving, comforting, blessing-dispensing smile, with which she helped
+every one, even though she herself might be utterly helpless.
+
+"'And now you will not go away again,' she said, looking at me as if
+she could never gaze her fill; 'you will stay with us--for always.
+Promise it me--promise it me now at once!'
+
+"I was silent. Happiness had come upon me, burning like a fire from
+heaven. It tortured me, it hurt me.
+
+"'Do help me to entreat her, Robert.' she began anew.
+
+"I started. I had entirely forgotten him, and now his presence acted
+upon me like a reproach.
+
+"'Give me time to consider it--till to-morrow.' I said, raising
+myself up. A dark presentiment awoke within me that here would be no
+abiding-place for me for long. Such happiness would have been too great
+for me, unhappy being, whom fate mercilessly drove among strangers.
+
+"I saw that Martha was anxious to spare my feelings.
+
+"'Till to-morrow, then.' she said softly, and squeezed my hand; 'and
+to-morrow you will have found out how necessary you are to us, and that
+we should be crazy if we let you go away again; isn't it so, Robert?'
+
+"'Of course--why, of course!' he said, and with that burst into a laugh
+which sounded to me strangely forced. He evidently did not feel
+comfortable in the presence of us two. And soon after he took up his
+cap and showed signs of going off quietly.
+
+"'Won't you show her our child?' whispered Martha, and a smile of
+unutterable bliss spread over her wasted features.
+
+"'Come.' he said, 'it sleeps in the next room.'
+
+"He preceded me. With difficulty he pushed his huge figure through the
+half-open door.
+
+"There stood the cradle, lit up by the red rays of the setting sun.
+From among the pillows there peeped a little copper-coloured head,
+hardly larger than an apple. The wrinkled eyelids were closed, and in
+the little mouth was stuck one of the tiny fists, its fingers
+contracted, as if in a cramp.
+
+"My glance travelled stealthily up from the child to its father. He had
+folded his hands. Devoutly he looked down upon this little human being.
+An uncertain smile, half-pleased, half-embarrassed, played about his
+lips.
+
+"Now, for the first time, I was able to contemplate him calmly. The
+purple evening rays lay bright upon his face, and brought to light,
+plainly and distinctly, the furrows and wrinkles which the three last
+years had graven upon it. Shades of gloomy care rested upon his brow,
+his eyes had lost their lustre, and round about his mouth a twitching
+seemed to speak to me of dull submission and impotent defiance.
+
+"Unutterable pity welled up within me. I felt as if I must grasp his
+hands and say to him, 'Confide in me--I am strong; let me share your
+trouble.' Then, when he raised his eyes, I was terrified lest he should
+have noticed my glance, and hastily kneeling down in front of the
+cradle, I pressed my lips upon the little face, which started as if in
+pain at my touch.
+
+"When I got up I saw that he had left the room.
+
+"Martha's eyes shone in anxious expectation when she saw me. She wanted
+to hear her child admired.
+
+"'Isn't it pretty?' she whispered, and stretched out her weak arms
+towards me.
+
+"And when her mother's heart was satiated with pride, she bade me sit
+down beside her on the pillows and nestled with her head up to my knee,
+so that it almost came to lie in my lap.
+
+"'Oh, how cool that is!' she murmured, closed her eyes, and breathed
+deeply and quietly as if asleep. With my handkerchief I wiped the
+perspiration from her forehead.
+
+"She nodded gratefully, and said: 'I am just a little exhausted yet,
+and my limbs feel as if they were broken; but I hope to be able to get
+up again to-morrow, and look after the household.'
+
+"'For heaven's sake, what are you dreaming of?' I cried, horrified.
+
+"She sighed. 'I must--I must. It does not let me rest.'
+
+"'What does not let you rest?'
+
+"She did not answer, and then suddenly she began to weep bitterly.
+
+"I calmed her, I kissed the tears from her lashes and cheeks, and
+implored her to pour out her heart to me. 'Are you not happy? Isn't he
+good to you?'
+
+"'He is as good to me as God's mercy; but I am not happy--I am
+wretched, sister; so wretched that I cannot describe it to you.'
+
+"'And why, in all the world?'
+
+"'I am afraid!'
+
+"'Of what?'
+
+"'That I--make him unhappy; that I am not the right one for him.'
+
+"A sudden icy coldness ran through me. It seemed to emanate from her
+body upon mine.
+
+"'You see, you feel it too!' she whispered, and looked up at me with
+great frightened eyes.
+
+"'You are foolish.' I said, and forced myself to laugh; but the
+chillness did not leave my limbs. A dark suspicion told me that perhaps
+she might be right. But now it was for me to comfort her!
+
+"'However could you give way to such silly self-torture?' I cried.
+'Does not his behaviour at all times prove to you how wrong you are?'
+
+"'I know, what I know,' she answered, softly; with that obstinacy of
+endurance which is given as a weapon to the weak. 'And what I am now
+telling you, does not date from to-day--the fear is years old; I had it
+in my heart already before I was engaged to him, and I quite well knew
+at that time why I refused him--for very love!'
+
+"'Martha, Martha!' I cried, reproachfully; 'it seems to me that you
+concealed a great deal from me.'
+
+"'At that time I did tell you everything,' she replied. 'You only would
+not believe me; you wanted to make me happy by force, and later why
+should I say anything? On paper everything sounds so different from
+what one means; you might even have thought you discovered a reproach
+against him or even against yourself, and naturally I could not risk
+such a misunderstanding growing up. My misery already began on the
+first day when we arrived here. I saw how he and his mother fell out,
+and a voice within me cried: "You are the cause of it." I saw how he
+grew sadder and gloomier from day to day, and again and again I said in
+my heart: "You are the cause of it." At nights I lay awake at his side,
+and tortured myself with the thought: why are you so dull and so
+depressing, and why can you do nothing but cling to him weeping, and
+suffer doubly when you see him suffering? Why have you not learnt to
+greet him with a song as soon as he comes in, and with a laugh to kiss
+away the wrinkles from his brow? And more than this. Why are you not
+proud, and strong, and wise, and why can you not say to him: Take
+refuge with me, when you are fainthearted--from me you shall derive new
+strength, and I will take care that you do not stumble. This is how you
+would have done, sister--no--do not contradict me; often enough I have
+imagined how you would have stood there with your tall figure, and
+would have opened out your arms to him so that he might seek shelter
+within them, like in a harbour where storms do not dare to enter....
+But look at _me_'--and she cast a pitiable glance at her poor, delicate
+frame, the haggard outlines of which were traceable beneath the
+coverlet--'would it not sound ridiculous if I were to say anything of
+the sort? I, who am almost submerged in his arms, so small and weak am
+I,--I am only here to seek shelter; to give shelter is not in my
+power.... Do you see; all this I have thought out in the long, dark
+nights, and have grown more and more despondent. And in the mornings I
+forced myself to laugh, and tried to pass for a sort of cheerful, happy
+little bird, for this _rôle_, I thought to myself, is the most suitable
+one for you, and is most likely to please him; but song and laughter
+stuck in my throat, and I daresay he could see it too, for he smiled
+pitifully to it all, so that I felt doubly ashamed.'
+
+"She stopped exhausted, and hid her face in my dress, then she
+continued:
+
+"'And as that would not do, I tried at least to compensate him in other
+ways. You know that all my life I have toiled and moiled, but never
+have I worked so hard as in these three years. And when I felt myself
+growing faint and my knees threatened to give way under me, the thought
+spurred me on again: "Show that at least you are of _some_ good to him;
+do not ever let him become conscious of how little he possesses in
+you.... But of what avail is it all! My efforts are not the least good.
+Everything goes topsy-turvy all the same, as soon as ever I turn my
+back. I am constantly in terror lest one day my management should no
+longer suffice him."'
+
+"Thus the poor creature lamented, and I felt positively frightened at
+so much misery.
+
+"'Listen, I have a favour to ask of you,' she begged at last, and
+clutched my hands; 'do try and sound him as to whether he is--is
+satisfied with me, and then come and tell me.'
+
+"I drew her to me; I lavished loving epithets upon her, and endeavoured
+to soothe away her fear and trouble. Eagerly she drank in every one of
+my words; her feverishly glowing eyes hung spellbound upon my lips, and
+from time to time a feeble sigh escaped her.
+
+"'Oh, if I had always had you near me!' she cried, stroking my hands.
+But then a fresh idea seemed to make her despondent again. I urged her,
+but she would not put it into words, until at length it came out with
+stuttering and stammering.
+
+"'You will do everything a thousand times better than I; you will show
+him what he _might_ have had, and what he _has_. Through you he will
+finally realise what a miserable creature I am.'
+
+"I was alarmed; then I felt plainly: my dream of possessing a home was
+already dreamed out. How could I remain in this place, when my own
+sister was consuming herself with jealous anxiety on my account?
+
+"She felt herself that she had pained me; stretching up her thin arms
+to my neck, she said: 'You must not misunderstand me, Olga. What I feel
+is not jealousy; I am so little jealous, that I have no more ardent
+wish than that you two should become united after my death, and----'
+
+"'After your death!' I cried, in horror. 'Martha, you are sinning
+against yourself!'
+
+"She smiled in mournful resignation.
+
+"'I know that better than you.' she said. 'My vital strength has been
+broken for a long time. The long waiting in those days already undid
+me. Now, of course, I thought that with this birth all would be nicely
+at an end, and that is why I longed so for you, because I wanted first
+to arrange everything clearly between you two. But, however things may
+turn out, it won't be long before I have to give in and die, and before
+then I want to feel sure that I am leaving him and the child in good
+keeping.'
+
+"I shuddered, and then a sudden lassitude came over me. I felt as if I
+must throw myself down at the bedside and weep, and weep--weep my very
+heart out. Then from the next room came the crying of the child, which
+had woke up and wanted its nurse. I drew a deep breath, and bethought
+myself of the duty which was imposed upon me.
+
+"'Do you hear, Martha? 'I cried. 'You are ready to despair when Heaven
+has bestowed on you the greatest blessing that a woman can know?
+Through your child you will raise yourself up anew; its young life will
+also bring new strength to yours.'
+
+"Her eyes shone for an instant, then she sank back and smilingly closed
+her lids. The feeling of motherhood was the only one capable of winging
+her hope.
+
+"Once more she opened her lips, and murmured something. I bent down to
+her, and asked: 'What is it, sister?'
+
+"'I should like to be of some use in the world,' she said with a sigh,
+and with this thought she fell asleep.
+
+"It had grown pitch dark when Robert entered the room. In sudden fright
+I started up. A feeling seized me as if I must hide away, and flee from
+him to the ends of the earth: 'He must not find you; he shall not find
+you!' a voice within me cried. My cheeks were flaming, and a vague fear
+arose in me lest their tell-tale glow might gleam through the darkness.
+
+"He approached the bed, listened for a while to Martha's quiet
+breathing, and then said softly: 'Come, Olga! You are tired; eat
+something, and go to rest, too.'
+
+"I should have liked to remonstrate, for I was afraid of being alone
+with him; but in order not to wake my sleeping sister, I obeyed
+silently.
+
+"The dining-room was a vast, whitewashed apartment, packed full of
+old-fashioned furniture, which kept guard along the walls like
+crouching giants. Under the hanging-lamp stood a table with two covers
+laid.
+
+"'I let the household finish their meal first,' said Robert, turning
+towards me, 'for I did not want to bother you with strange faces.' With
+that he threw himself heavily into an arm-chair, rested his chin on his
+hand, and stared into the salt-cellar.
+
+"Why, you are not eating anything!' he said, after a while. I shook my
+head. I could not for the life of me have swallowed a morsel, though
+hunger was gnawing at my entrails. The sight of him positively
+paralysed me.
+
+"Renewed silence.
+
+"'How do you find her?' he asked at length.
+
+"'I do not know,' said I, speaking by main force, 'whether I ought to
+be pleased or anxious!'
+
+"'Why anxious?' he asked, quickly, and in his eyes there gleamed an
+indefinite fear.
+
+"'She tortures herself----'
+
+"A look of rapid understanding flew across to me, a look which said:
+'Do you also know that already? Then he raised his fist, stretched
+himself and sighed. His bushy hair had fallen over his forehead. The
+bitter lines about his mouth grew deeper.
+
+"I was alarmed--alarmed at myself. Did not what I had just said sound
+like an accusation against Martha; did it not provoke an accusation
+against her?
+
+"'She loves you much too much.' I replied, biting my lips. I knew I
+should pain him, and I meant to do so.
+
+"He started and looked at me for a while in open astonishment; then he
+nodded several times to himself and said, 'You are right with your
+reproach, she does love me much too much.'
+
+"Then I should already have liked to ask his forgiveness again. Surely
+he did not deserve my malice! His soul was pure and clear as the
+sunlight, and it was only within me that there was darkness. I felt as
+if I must choke with suppressed tears. I saw that I could not contain
+myself any longer, and rose quickly.
+
+"'Good-night, Robert.' I said, without giving him my hand; 'I am
+overtired--must go to bed--leave me--one of the servants will show me
+my way. Leave me--I tell you!'
+
+"I screamed out the last words as if in anger, so that he stopped
+perturbed. In the cool, semi-obscure corridor I began to feel calmer.
+For a time I walked up and down breathing heavily, then I fetched one
+of the maids to show me the way.
+
+"'Mistress arranged everything in the room herself yet, and gave orders
+that no one was to touch it. There is a letter, too, for you, miss.'
+
+"When I was alone, I held survey. My good, dear sister! She had
+faithfully remembered my slightest wishes, every one of my little
+habits of formerly, and had thought out everything that could make my
+room as cosy and homely as possible. Nothing was wanting of the things
+which I prized in those days. Over the bed hung a red-flowered curtain
+exactly like the one beneath the hangings of which I had dreamed my
+first girlish dreams; on the window-sill stood geraniums and cyclamen,
+such as I had always tended, on the walls hung the same pictures upon
+which my glance had been wont to rest at waking, on the shelves stood
+the same books from which my soul had derived its first food of love.
+
+"'Iphigenia,' which in those bright calm days had been my favourite
+poem, lay open on the table. Ah, good heavens! how long it already was
+since I had read in it, for how long already had I passed it by,
+because the calm dignity of the holy priestess pained my soul.
+
+"Between the leaves was placed the letter of which the girl had told
+me. A gentle presentiment, a presentiment of new, undeserved love came
+over me as I tore open the envelope and read:--
+
+
+"'My Darling Sister,--When you enter this room I shall not be able to
+bid you welcome. I shall then be lying ill, and perhaps even my lips
+will be closed for ever. You will find everything as you used to have
+it at home. It has been prepared for you a long time already everything
+was awaiting you. Whether sorrow or joy may attend you here, lie down
+to rest in peace and fall asleep with the consciousness that you have
+entered your home. Try and learn to love Robert as he will learn to
+love you. Then all must turn out well yet, whether God leaves me with
+you or takes me to Himself.
+
+                                  "'Your sister
+
+                                              "'Martha.'
+
+
+"It was nothing new that she said to me here, and yet this touchingly
+simple proof of her love took such powerful hold of me, that at the
+first moment I only had the one feeling, that I must rush to her
+bedside and confess to her how unworthy was the being to whom she
+offered the shelter of her heart and home.
+
+"For I was no longer in doubt: the ill-fated passion which I believed I
+had uprooted from my soul, had once more profusely sprung into growth;
+the wounds, healed up long ago, had opened anew at the first sight of
+him; I felt as if my warm blood were gushing out from them in streams.
+Hushing-up and concealment were no longer possible; the vague charm of
+dawning impressions, the sweet abandon to the intoxication of youth,
+were things of the past; the bare, glaring light of matured knowledge,
+the rigid barriers of strict self-restraint had taken their place. Yes,
+I loved him, loved him with such ardour, such pain, as only a heart can
+love which has been steeled by the glow of hatred and suffering. And
+not since to-day, not since yesterday! I had grown up with this love, I
+had clung to it in secret heart's desire, my whole being had derived
+its strength from it, with it I stood and fell, in it lay my life and
+my death.
+
+"What did I care whether he deserved it, whether he understood me! He
+was not intended to understand it. And not he, it was I who must gain a
+right to this love. I knew too well at this hour that I should never be
+able to banish it from my heart. The question was to submit to it, as
+one submits to eternal fate; but it must not become a sin. It should
+live on purely, in a pure heart.
+
+"And surely I had not been called in vain to this house! A mission, a
+great holy mission awaited me. Martha should perceive forthwith that a
+beneficent genius was watching over her home. Through me she should
+learn actively to utilise the love by which she was consumed, for the
+good of her loved one; through me her courage should be revived and her
+soul receive new strength. How I would support and comfort her in dark
+despondent hours! How I would force myself to laugh when a tearful mood
+troubled the atmosphere! How I would banish the clouds from their
+gloomy brows with daring jests, and anxiously take care that there
+should always remain a last little remnant of sunshine within these
+walls!
+
+"My life should pass away void of desire, happy only in the happiness
+of my loved ones, discreet, resigned and faithful. I need no longer
+seek to avoid Iphigenia's image, for the holy and dignified office of
+priestess was awaiting me also.
+
+"With this pious thought the revolt in my soul disappeared; with it I
+fell asleep.
+
+"When I awoke on the first morning, I felt contented, almost happy, A
+holy calm had come over me, such as I had not known since time
+immemorial. I knew that henceforth I should not have to fear even
+meeting _him_.
+
+"Martha was still asleep. When I looked through the chink of the door
+into her room, I saw her lying with her head thrown far back on the
+pillow, and heard her short heavy breathing.
+
+"I crept away, quite easy in my mind, to take up my office as
+housekeeper forthwith.
+
+"'She shall no longer work herself to death,' I said to myself, and
+rejoiced in my heart. I spent fully an hour going the round of the
+premises, during which I formally took the management into my hands.
+The old housekeeper showed herself willing, and the servants treated me
+with respect. I should anyhow soon have enforced it for myself.
+
+"At the breakfast-table I met Robert. A slight palpitation, which
+overcame me on entering, ceased forthwith when I bethought myself of my
+yesterday's vow. Calmly, firmly looking into his eyes, I stepped up to
+him and gave him my hand.
+
+"'Is Martha still asleep?' I asked.
+
+"He shook his head. 'I have sent for the doctor.' he said, 'she has
+passed a bad night--the excitement of seeing you again seems not to
+have done her good.'
+
+"I felt somewhat alarmed; but my great resolve had so filled me with
+peace and happiness, that I would not give way to fear.
+
+"'Will you help yourself?' I asked, 'I should meanwhile like to look
+after her.'
+
+"When I entered her room, I found her still lying in the same position
+in which I had left her early in the morning, and as I approached the
+bed, I saw that she was staring up at the ceiling with wide-opened
+eyes.
+
+"I called out her name in terror; then a feeble smile came over her
+face, and feebly she turned towards me and looked into my eyes.
+
+"'Are you not feeling well, Martha?'
+
+"She shook her head wearily, and drew up her fingers slightly. That
+meant to say: 'Come and sit by me!'
+
+"And when I had taken her head in my arm a shudder suddenly ran through
+her whole body. Her teeth chattered audibly: 'Give me a warm cover.'
+she whispered, 'I am shivering so.' I did as she bade me, and once more
+sat down at her side. She clutched my hands, as if to warm herself by
+them.
+
+"'Have you slept well?' she asked, in the same hoarse falsetto voice
+which was quite strange to me in her. I nodded, and felt a hot sense of
+shame burn within me. What was my grand unselfish resolve, compared
+with this sort of noble self-forgetfulness, which was evident in every
+act, however great or small, and was inspired by the same love for
+everything? And I even prided myself on my lofty sentiments, conceited
+egotist that I was.
+
+"'How did you like the arrangement of your room?' she asked once more,
+while a gleam of slight playfulness broke from her mild, sad eyes.
+
+"In lieu of answer, I imprinted a grateful, humble kiss upon her lips.
+
+"'Yes, kiss me! Kiss me once more!' she said. 'Your mouth is so nice
+and hot, it warms one's body and soul through.' And again she shivered
+with cold.
+
+"A little later Robert came in.
+
+"'Get yourself ready, my child.' he said, stroking Martha's cheeks,
+'our uncle, the doctor, is here.'
+
+"Then he beckoned to me and I followed him out of the room. By the
+cradle of the new-born babe I found an old man, with a grey stubbly
+beard, a red snub nose, and a pair of clever, sharp eyes, with which he
+examined me smilingly through his shining spectacles.
+
+"'So this is she?' he said, and gave me his hand. My blood rushed to my
+heart; at the first glance I saw that here was some one who felt as a
+friend towards me, in whom I might place implicit confidence.
+
+"'God grant that you have come at a good moment,' he continued, 'and we
+shall see at once if such is the case. Take me to her, Robert; I don't
+suppose it is so bad.'
+
+"I was left alone with the nurse and the child, which restlessly moved
+its little fists about.
+
+"'To your happiness also I will earn a claim.' I thought to myself, and
+stroked the round bare little head, on which a few hardly visible silky
+hairs trembled. Yesterday I had hardly had a glance for the little
+being, to-day, as I gazed at it, my heart swelled with unutterable
+tenderness. 'Thus much purer and better have you grown since
+yesterday.' I said to myself.
+
+"A long time, an alarmingly long time elapsed before the door of the
+adjoining room opened again. It was the doctor who came out from it--he
+alone. He looked stern and forbidding, and his jaws were working as if
+he had something to grind between them.
+
+"'I have sent him away,' he said, 'must speak to you alone.' Then
+he took me by the hand and led me to the dining-room, where the
+coffee-machine was still steaming.
+
+"'I have great respect for you, my young lady,' he began, and wiped the
+drops of perspiration from his forehead; 'according to everything I
+have heard about you, you must be a capital fellow, and capable of
+bearing the pain, if a certain cloven hoof gives you a treacherous
+kick.'
+
+"'Leave the preface, if you please, doctor.' said I, feeling how I grew
+pale.
+
+"'Very well! Prefaces are not to my taste either. Your sister'----and
+now, after all, he hesitated.
+
+"'My sister--is--in--danger--doctor!' I had wished to prove myself
+strong, but my knees trembled under me. I clutched at the edge of the
+table to keep myself from falling.
+
+"'That's right--courage--courage!' he muttered, laying his hand on my
+shoulder. 'It has come--this unwelcome guest--the fever; there is no
+getting away from it any more.'
+
+"I bit my lips. He should not see me tremble. I had often enough heard
+of the danger of childbed fever, even if I could not form for myself
+any idea of its terrors.
+
+"'Does Robert know?' that was the first thing that entered my mind.
+
+"He shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head. 'I was afraid he
+would lose his head--I hardly told him half the truth.'
+
+"'And what is the _whole_ truth?' Standing up fully erect I looked into
+his eyes.
+
+"He was silent.
+
+"'Will she die?'
+
+"When he found that from the first I was prepared to face the worst, he
+gave a sigh of relief. But I did not hear his reply, for after I had,
+apparently calmly, uttered the gruesome words, I suddenly saw once more
+before my eyes, with terrible vividness, that vision of my girlish
+days, when I had found Martha lying like a corpse on the sofa. I
+felt as if the nails of a dead hand were digging themselves into my
+breast--before my eyes I saw bloody streaks--I uttered a cry--then I
+felt as if a voice called out to me:--'Help, save, give your own life
+to preserve hers!' With a sudden jerk I pulled myself together; I had
+once more found my strength.
+
+"'Doctor,' I said, 'if she dies, I lose the only thing I possess in the
+world, and lose myself with her. But as long as you can make use of me
+I will never flinch. Therefore conceal nothing from me. I must have
+certainty.'
+
+"'Certainty, my dear child.' he replied, grasping my hands, 'certainty
+there will not be till her convalescence or her last moments. Even at
+the worst point there may always be a change for the better yet, how
+much more then now, when the illness is still in its first stage! Of
+course she has not much vital strength left to stake--that is the
+saddest part of it. But perhaps we shall succeed in mastering the evil
+at its commencement, and then everything would be won.'
+
+"'What can I do to help?' I cried, and stretched out my clasped hands
+towards him. 'Ask of me what you will! Even if I could only save her
+with my own life, I should still have much to make amends for towards
+her.'
+
+"He looked at me in astonishment. How should he have been able to
+understand me!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And now I have come to the hardest part of my task. Since a week I
+keep sneaking round these pages, without venturing to take up my pen.
+Horror seizes me, when I consider _what_ is awaiting me. And yet it
+will be salutary for me once more to recall to my memory those fearful
+three days and nights, especially now, when something of a softer,
+tenderer feeling seems to be taking root in my heart. Away with it!
+Away with every cajoling thought which speaks to me of happiness and
+peace. I am destined for solitude and resignation, and if I should ever
+forget this, the history of those three days shall once more remind me
+of it.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When I pulled my chair up to my sister's bedside to take up my post as
+nurse, I found she had dropped off to sleep. But this was not the sleep
+which invigorates and prepares the way for convalescence; like a
+nightmare it seemed to lie upon her and to press down her eyelids by
+force. Her bosom rose and fell as if impelled from within and repelled
+from without. The little waxen-pale, blue-lined face lay half buried in
+the pillows, across which her scanty fair plaits crept like small
+snakes. I covered my face with my hands. I could not bear the sight.
+
+"The hours of the day passed by ... She slept and slept and did not
+think of waking up.
+
+"From time to time I heard the servants' footsteps as they softly crept
+past outside--everything else was quiet and lonely. Of Robert no trace.
+
+"At mid-day I felt I must ask after him. They had seen him go out in
+the morning into the fields, with his dogs following him. So for hours
+he had been wandering about in the rain.
+
+"As the clock struck three he entered, streaming wet, with lustreless
+eyes, and his damp unkempt hair matted on his forehead. He must have
+been suffering horribly. I was about to approach him, to say a word of
+comfort to him, but I did not dare to do so. The scared, gloomy look
+which he cast towards me, said distinctly enough: 'What do you want of
+me? Leave me alone with my sorrow.'
+
+"Clutching at one of the bed-posts he stood there, and stared down upon
+her while he gnawed his lips. Then he went out--silently, as he had
+come.
+
+"Again two hours passed in silence and waiting. The carbolic vapours
+which rose from the bowl before me began to make my head ache. I cooled
+my brow at the window-panes, and unconsciously watched the play of the
+dead leaves as they were whirled up in little circles towards the
+window.
+
+"It already began to grow dark, when suddenly, outside in the corridor,
+was heard the lamenting and screaming of a female voice--so loud, that
+even the sleeper started up painfully for a moment. An angry flush flew
+to my face. I was on the point of hurrying out in order to turn away
+this disturber of peace, but already at the opened door I came into
+collision with her.
+
+"At the first glance I recognised this red, bloated face, these little
+malicious eyes. Who else could it have been but she, the best of all
+aunts and mothers?
+
+"'At length,' a voice within me cried--'at length I shall stand face to
+face with you!'
+
+"'So you are Olga,' she cried, always in the same shrill, whining
+tones, which seemed to yell through the whole house. 'How do you do, my
+little dear? Ah, what a misfortune! Is it really true? I am quite
+beside myself!'
+
+"'I beg of you, dear aunt,' said I, folding my arms, 'to be beside
+yourself somewhere else, but to modify your voice in the sick room.'
+
+"She stopped short. In all my life I shall never forget the venomous
+look which she gave me.
+
+"But now she knew with whom she had to deal. She took up the gauntlet
+at once too. 'It is very good of you, my child,' she said, and her
+voice suddenly sounded as metallic as a war-trumpet, 'that you are so
+anxious about my poor, ailing daughter; but now you can go--you have
+become superfluous; I shall stay here myself.'
+
+"'Wait; you shall soon know that you have found your match.' I inwardly
+cried; and, drawing myself up to my full height, I replied, with my
+most freezing smile: 'You are mistaken, dear aunt; every _stranger_ has
+been strictly prohibited from visiting my sister. So I must beg of you
+to withdraw to the next room.'
+
+"Her face grew ashy pale, her fingers twitched convulsively, I think
+she could have strangled me on the spot; but she went, and good,
+lackadaisical uncle, who was always dangling three paces behind her,
+went with her.
+
+"In sheer triumph I laughed out loud: 'What should you want, you
+mercenary souls, in this temple of pain? Out with you!'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It grew night. Like a streak of fire the last red rays of the setting
+sun lay over the town, the towers of which stood out black and pointed
+in the glow. For a long time I watched the fiery clouds, till darkness
+had buried them also in its lap.
+
+"The clock struck nine. Then the old doctor came. He sat for a long
+time in silence on my chair, stroked my hand at parting, and said:
+'Continue--carbolic--all night!' In answer to my anxiously questioning
+look, he had nothing but a doubtful shrug of the shoulders.
+
+"From somewhere, two or three rooms away, I heard Robert's voice
+talking at the old man. This was the first sign that he too was in the
+proximity of the sick-bed. 'Why ever does he stay outside?' I asked
+myself; 'it really almost seems as if admission were prohibited.'
+
+"The clock struck ten. Silence all around. The household seemed gone to
+rest.
+
+"The wind rattled at the garden railings. It sounded as if some late
+guest wished to enter. Was death already creeping round the house? Was
+he already counting the grains of sand in his hour-glass?
+
+"Desperate defiance seized me. Without knowing what I did, I rushed
+towards the door, as if to throw myself in the path of the threatening
+demon.
+
+"Ill-fated creature, I, that I did not suspect what other demon sat
+lurking in front of that one, on the threshold!
+
+"A few minutes later Robert entered. Not a word, not a greeting--again
+only that swift, scared look which once already had cut me to the
+quick. With his heavy, swaying gait he walked up to the bedside,
+grasped her hand--that hot, wasted hand, with its bluish nails--and
+stared down upon it. And then he sat down in the darkest corner, behind
+the stove, and crouched there for two long, long hours.
+
+"With beating heart I waited for him to address me, but he was as
+silent as before.
+
+"Soon after midnight he left the room. For a long time yet I heard him
+walking up and down outside in the corridor, and, at the muffled sound
+of his tramping footsteps, another night came into my mind, when I had
+listened, no less trembling in fear and hope, to the same sound. Worlds
+lay between then and now, and the young, foolish creature who had then
+hearkened out into the darkness, burning with the desire to help and to
+sacrifice herself, now appeared to me like a strange, radiant being
+from some distant, shining planet.
+
+"The footsteps grew less distinct. He had gone back to his room.
+
+"'Will he return again?' I asked myself, putting my ear to the keyhole.
+'In any case he cannot sleep.' And I started joyfully when the sound
+once more increased.
+
+"And then the thought came to me, 'What concern is it of yours whether
+he returns or not? Are you here in this place for his sake? Is not your
+happiness, your life, your all, lying here before you?'
+
+"I fell down by the bedside, and, covering Martha's hands with kisses,
+I implored her to have mercy--that I wanted to speak to her--that it
+was bursting my heart-strings--that it was stifling me--that I should
+suffocate.
+
+"But she did not wake. Doubled up with pain she lay there, a miserable
+little heap of bones. On her cheek-bones were little flaming spots. Her
+breath panted. Once she moved her lips as if to speak, but the words
+died away in a toneless gurgling.
+
+"What a terrible silence all around! The clock ticked, along the wall
+by the casement the wind passed softly moaning, and from the other room
+sounded the muffled tramp of the wanderer--all else still.
+
+"And suddenly it seemed to me as if in this stillness I heard the blood
+in my own body seething and boiling. I listened. Evidently that was my
+blood rushing wildly through my veins.
+
+"'Why is its flow not quiet and well-behaved,' I asked myself, 'in
+accordance with my great resolve? Is not this sin torn out with all its
+roots--burnt out by a thousand purifying fires? Do I not stand here as
+the priestess, void of desire, pure and blessed?'
+
+"And again I listened! These are hallucinations, I told myself, and yet
+I grew afraid at the gushing and rushing, which seemed to increase with
+every minute. I saw a stream which carried me away in its torrents--a
+stream of blood! A rock with sheer points jutted out from it. Thereon a
+word stood written with flaming letters, the word 'Bloodguiltiness.'
+
+"The footsteps grew louder. I jumped up.... He came, seated himself on
+the pillow, wiped the perspiration from her forehead with the flat of
+his hand, and passed his fingers through her hair.
+
+"Stealthily I watched him. I hardly dared to breathe any more. His eyes
+gleamed bloodshot in their sockets. His lips were pressed together in
+bitter reproach. He sat there as if petrified with unuttered pain. The
+desire to approach him shook me like a fit of ague. But when I was on
+the point of rising, it was as if two iron fists laid themselves upon
+my shoulders and forced me back on to my chair.
+
+"At length I spoke his name, and was startled, so strange, so weird did
+the sound of my own voice appear to me. He turned round and stared at
+me.
+
+"'Robert,' I said, 'why do you not speak to me? You will feel easier if
+you let some one else share what is oppressing you.'
+
+"Then he jumped up and grasped both my hands. His touch made me feel
+hot and cold all over. But I forced myself to keep my ground, and
+firmly looked into his face.
+
+"'That is the first good word that you have vouchsafed me, Olga.' he
+said.
+
+"'What do you mean by that, Robert?' I stammered. 'Have I been unkind
+towards you?'
+
+"'Only unkind?' he replied. 'Like a stranger, like an intruder you have
+treated me, and have driven me from the bedside of my wife.'
+
+"'Heaven forbid!' I cry, and free myself from him, for I feel I am
+about to sink upon his breast.
+
+"And he continues, 'Olga, if ever I did you any wrong--I know not what,
+but it must be so, else your look and manner would not be so stern and
+forbidding towards me--if I did you any wrong, Olga, it was not my
+fault. I always meant well towards you. I have--you might always have
+been here like at home; you need never have gone among strangers; and
+in the presence of that one whom we both love----'
+
+"Why must he mention her name to me? A wild joy had flamed up within
+me; I felt as if I had wings; then her name struck me like the cut of a
+whip. I bit my lips till they bled. Indeed I would be calm, would act
+the guardian angel.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'you have been gravely mistaken about me. I never
+bore you any ill-will. Only I have grown reserved and defiant among
+strangers. You must have patience with me--must trust me. Will you?'
+
+"Then it broke from his eyes like sunshine. 'I have so much to thank
+you for already, Olga,' he said; 'how could I do otherwise than
+continue to trust you? You know, since that day when we rode together
+into the wood, do you remember?'--ah, did I remember indeed!--'since
+that day I have loved you like a sister, yes, more than all my sisters.
+And at the same time I looked up to you and revered you like my
+guardian spirit. That is indeed what you have been to me. You will be
+so in future, too, won't you?'
+
+"I nodded silently, and pressed both my hands to my bosom; then, when
+he noticed it, I let them drop, but I staggered back three paces; it
+was a miracle that I kept myself upright.
+
+"He stepped up to me in alarm. 'I am tired,' I said, and forced myself
+to smile. 'Come, we will sit down; the night is long yet.'
+
+"So we both sat opposite each other at the foot of the bed, with the
+narrow bedstead between us, rested our arms on the ledge, and looked
+across at Martha's face, which moved with cramp-like twitchings. Her
+eyelids seemed closed, deep shadows from her lashes fell across her
+cheeks; but, on bending down, one could see the whites of the eyes
+gleaming with a faint sheen, like mother-of-pearl, in their dark
+sockets. He observed it too.
+
+"'As if she had already died,' he murmured, and buried his head in his
+hands. 'And if she dies,' he continued, 'she will not die through the
+child, not through this wretched fever; through my fault alone, Olga,
+she will perish!'
+
+"'For God's sake, what are you saying?' I cried, stretching out my arms
+towards him.
+
+"He nodded and smiled bitterly.
+
+"'I have seen it very well, Olga, all through these three years; over
+and over again it is my fault. First, I left her longing and fearing
+between hope and despair for seven long years, till the strength was
+drained in this way from her body and soul--heaven knows she never had
+much to spare; and then I dragged her with her sickly body and broken
+spirit here into this misery, where all were hostile to her, and those
+most hostile who should have held her most dear. And I myself!--yes, if
+I myself had been brave and of good cheer, if I could have guarded her
+that her foot might not dash against any stone, if I had spread
+sunshine across her path, then perhaps she might have flourished at my
+side. But I was often rough and surly, stormed and raged in the house
+and the farm, never thinking how every loud word made her start, so
+that she already grew pale if I only frowned. Look at this little
+handful of life, how it lies here; and then look at me, the great,
+uncouth, coarse-grained giant! Sometimes in the night when I woke, I
+was afraid lest I might possibly crush her in my arms. And, after all,
+I have crushed her! What I required was a wife, strong and----'
+
+"He stopped short, terrified, and cast a glance, which eloquently
+pleaded for forgiveness, towards Martha's face, but I completed his
+sentence for myself.
+
+"When he had left the room a wild feeling of joy seized me. It rushed
+through my head like a whirlwind; it confused my senses; my pride, my
+defiance, my self-respect, everything seemed to be swallowed up in it.
+
+"The atmosphere of the sick room lay heavily upon me, like a
+suffocating cloth. My brain was burning with the carbolic vapours which
+rose up from the bowl in front of me. My breath began to fail me.
+
+"I fled to the window, and pressing my forehead against the sash, I
+drank in the cold night air which found its way into the room through
+the chinks. Morning dawned through the curtains--cold-grey--enveloped
+in fog.... Faintly gleaming clouds slowly heaved upwards on the horizon
+and threw a fallow sheen over the dripping trees, which seemed to have
+grown still more bare overnight.
+
+"What a night!
+
+"And how many, worse than this one, are about to follow? What phantoms,
+begotten of darkness, born in horror, will rise up before my fevered
+senses as the nights come on?
+
+"Shivering, I crept into a corner. I was afraid of myself.
+
+"The hours of the morning passed away, and by degrees I grew calmer.
+The memory of this night, with its feverish turmoil and pangs of
+conscience, waxed dim. What I had experienced and felt became a dream,
+A leaden weariness took possession of me; I closed my eyes and thought
+about nothing.
+
+"And then came a blissful hour. It was towards ten o'clock when Martha
+suddenly opened her faithful blue eyes and looked up at me consciously
+and brightly.
+
+"I felt as if God's eye had turned, full of pity and forgiveness,
+towards me, the sinner. A pure, holy joy streamed through me. I fell
+across my sister's body, and hid my face at her neck.
+
+"In the midst of her pain she began to smile, with an effort placed her
+hand upon my head, and murmured, with hardly audible voice, 'I suppose
+I have been giving you all a great fright?'
+
+"The breath of her words enveloped me like a peace-bringing chant, and
+for a moment I felt as if the burden at my heart must give way--but I
+was unable to weep.
+
+"'How do you feel?' I asked.
+
+"'Well, quite well!' she replied, 'only the sheet weighs so heavily
+upon me!'
+
+"It was the lightest I had been able to find. I told her so; then she
+sighed and said she knew she was a fidget, and I was to have patience
+with her.
+
+"And then she lay again quite still, and constantly looked at me as if
+in a dream. At length she nodded several times and remarked: 'It is
+well thus--quite well!'
+
+"'What is well?" I asked.
+
+"Then she smiled again and was silent. And then the pains returned. She
+shook all over and clenched her teeth, but she did not utter a
+complaint.
+
+"'Shall I call for Robert?' I asked, for terror overwhelmed me anew.
+
+"She nodded. 'And bring the child too,' she murmured.
+
+"I did as she had bid. She had the little creature laid on the bed
+beside her, and looked down at it for a long time. She also made an
+attempt to kiss it, but she was too weak to do so.
+
+"Even before Robert came she had relapsed into her sleep.
+
+"He gave me a reproachful look, and remarked, 'Why did you not send for
+me sooner?'
+
+"'Believe me, it is better thus,' I answered, 'it would have excited
+her too much to see you.'
+
+"'You always seem to know what is best,' said he, and went out,
+fortunately without noticing the glow which suffused my face at his
+praise.
+
+"Now she lay there again unconscious--her cheeks red, and her forehead
+wet with perspiration. And added to that, the gruesome play of her
+lips! They kept on twitching and smacking.
+
+"Towards one o'clock the doctor came, took her temperature, and
+certified a diminution of fever.
+
+"'That will go up and down many a time yet,' he said; nor did he enter
+into our joy over her awakening. 'Do not speak to her when she regains
+consciousness,' he urged, 'and above all, do not allow her to speak
+herself. She needs every atom of her strength.'
+
+"Before he left, he fixed his eyes on me for a long time, and shook his
+head doubtfully. I felt how the consciousness of guilt drove the blood
+to my cheeks. It was as if he could look me through and through.
+
+"... In the afternoon I had fetched myself a book from my room, the
+first I happened to lay my hands upon and tried to read in it; but the
+letters danced before my eyes, and my head buzzed as if it were full of
+bats.
+
+"It was a long time before I could even make out the title. I read
+'Iphigenia.' Then, seized by sudden terror, I flung the book far away
+from me into a corner, as if I had held a burning coal in my hand.
+Towards evening Martha's pains seemed to grow more intense. Several
+times she cried out loud and writhed as if in a cramp.
+
+"While I was busying myself about her, during an attack of this sort,
+the old woman suddenly stood at my side. And as I looked at her with
+her venomous glance, with her studied wringing of hands, and the
+hypocritical droop of her mouth, the thought suddenly came to me--
+
+"'Here is one--who is waiting for Martha's death--who is wishing for
+it.'
+
+"My eyesight seemed dimmed by a red veil, I clenched my fists--I all
+but flung the accusation in her face. And as I stood in front of her,
+still quite petrified by the thought, she took hold of my arm, and
+tried, without much ado, to push me aside, so that she might plant
+herself at Martha's pillow. Perhaps she hoped to intimidate me by this
+unceremonious proceeding.
+
+"'Dear aunt.' said I, removing her hand from my arm, 'I have pointed
+out to you before already that this is my place, and that no one in the
+world shall dispute it with me. I urgently beg of you to restrict your
+visit to the other rooms.'
+
+"'Indeed? We will just wait and see, my little one,' she screeched, 'we
+will just ask the master of the house, who has more to say here, his
+good old mother, or you, vagabond Polish crew?'
+
+"And still screeching, she departed.
+
+"In a very fever of rage I paced the room. Even I should not have
+imagined that this sorrowing mother could so quickly and thoroughly
+change back again into a fury. It only remained for her to give
+expression to her innermost wishes.
+
+"'Oh, if it should be true.' I cried, and horror possessed me. 'To wish
+for Martha's death! Martha, do you hear, to wish for your death! Whom
+have you ever hurt? In whose way have you ever stood? Who lives in the
+world who has ever received aught but love and forgiveness from you? If
+it were true, if any human being should really be so depraved, and
+still wander upon earth with impunity--verily, it would make one
+despair of God and of everything good.'
+
+"Thus I spoke and could not heap enough shame and contumely upon the
+old woman's head.
+
+"And then it struck me that I had been talking myself into a most
+unworthy passion.
+
+"But I felt easier through it, I dared to breathe more freely, and when
+I saw poor, ill-treated 'Iphigenia' lying in the dust, I went and
+picked it up.
+
+"'What crime have I, after all, committed?' I said to myself, 'that I
+should need to hide away from my ideal? Have I done anything but bring
+comfort to one in despair? Has a single look, a single word been
+exchanged, which my sister might not have seen and heard? If it seethes
+and burns in my breast, what concern is that of any one, as long as I
+keep it carefully to myself?'
+
+"Thus I spoke to myself, and considered myself almost justified, even
+before my own conscience. Blind creature that I was!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And once more the gloaming came, once more the setting sun cast its
+red light through the windows.
+
+"Martha's face was bathed in a purple glow, in her hair little lights
+sparkled, and the hand that lay on the coverlet looked as though
+illumined from within.
+
+"I drew the bed-screen closer around her, so that the flimmering rays
+should not trouble her.
+
+"Then I saw hanging on the wall a withered ivy wreath, which I had not
+noticed before, a wreath such as I was wont to send on special
+occasions for our parents' graves. Perhaps that was where this one,
+too, came from. At the present moment it appeared as if woven of
+flames, everything about it lived phantastically. And when I looked
+more closely, it even seemed to me as if it began to revolve, and to
+emit a cascade of sparks, like a real wheel of fire.
+
+"'Dear me, now you are already beginning to see visions,' I said to
+myself, and tried to gain new strength by pacing up and down. But I
+felt so dizzy, that I was obliged to hold on to the chairs--I gasped
+for breath.
+
+"Oh, this smell of carbolic--this sickly-sweet odour! It enveloped my
+senses, it dimmed my thoughts, it spread a presentiment of death and
+terror all around.
+
+"Then the old doctor came, looked keenly into my face, and ordered me
+in his fatherly, gruff manner to go forthwith into the open and get
+some fresh air. He himself would watch till I returned. And in spite of
+my remonstrance he pushed me out of the door.
+
+"If I could have guessed what was awaiting me, no power on earth would
+have moved me to cross the threshold!
+
+"Now I drew a deep breath as I stepped out into the courtyard. The
+evening air refreshed me like a cooling bath. The last gleam of
+daylight was vanishing, and veiled in bluish vapours the autumn night
+sank down upon the earth.
+
+"The two hunting dogs sprang towards me, and then raced off towards the
+old castle ruins.
+
+"Unconsciously I followed in their track, walking half in my sleep, for
+the atmosphere of the sick room was still acting upon my senses.
+
+"A mouldering scent of fading weeds and weather-beaten stones wafted
+towards me from the brickwork. An old porch spread its arch over me. I
+stepped into the interior. The walls towered up black all round me, the
+dark sky looked down upon them with its bluish lights.
+
+"Then not far from me I saw a dark figure, the outlines of which I
+recognised at once, crouching among the loose stones.
+
+"'Robert!' I call out, astonished.
+
+"He jumped up. 'Olga?' he cried in answer. 'Do you bring bad news?'
+
+"'Not so.' say I, 'your uncle, the doctor, sent me out, and----' then
+suddenly I feel as if the ground were giving way beneath my feet.
+
+"'Take care!' I hear his warning voice, but already I am sinking,
+together with the crumbling stones, about a man's length down into the
+darkness.
+
+"'For Heaven's sake, do not stir!' he shouts after me, 'else you will
+fall still further down.'
+
+"Half-dazed, I lean against the side of the pit. At my feet gleams a
+narrow strip of earth, on which I am standing; beyond that it goes down
+into black, unfathomable depths.
+
+"I see him near me, climbing down after me slowly and carefully on the
+steps of a flight of stairs as it seems.
+
+"'Where are you?' he shouts, and at the same I feel his hand groping
+for me.
+
+"Then I throw myself towards him, and cling to his neck. At the same
+moment I feel myself lifted high up and resting upon his breast. It
+appeared to me as if my veins had been opened, as if in delightful
+lassitude I felt my warm life's blood flowing away over me.
+
+"His breath wafted hotly into my face. For a moment it seemed to me as
+if he had softly kissed my forehead.... Then we returned to the manor
+house without speaking. I moved away from his side as far as I could,
+but in my heart was the jubilant thought, 'He has held me in his arms.'
+
+"On the threshold of the sick room the old physician came towards us,
+gave us both his hands and said, 'She is keeping up better, children,
+than I had expected.'
+
+"Within my heart was rejoicing, 'He has held me in his arms.'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And now that night! Even now every minute stands up like a fury before
+me, and glares at me with fiery eyes! That night will I conjure up as
+one calls up spirits from the grave, that their witness may animate
+anew long forgotten bloodguiltiness! What crime did I commit? _None_.
+My hands are clean. And on that great morning, when our works shall be
+tried in the balance, I might fearlessly step up to the Throne of the
+Most High and say, 'Clothe me in the whitest raiment, fasten upon my
+shoulders the most delicate pair of swan's wings, and let me sit in the
+front row, for I have a good voice, which only requires a certain
+amount of practice to do honour to Paradise!' But there are crimes,
+unaccomplished, unuttered, which penetrate the soul like the breath of
+infection, and poison it in its very essence, till the body too
+perishes under its influence.
+
+"It was a night almost like the present one. The moist autumn wind
+swept past the house in short gusts, and caught itself in the half
+leafless crests of the poplars, which bowed towards each other and
+entwined amid creaking and rustling. Not a star was in the sky; but an
+undefinable gleaming brought into notice dark masses of torn clouds,
+which sped along as if in rags. The nightlight would not burn; its
+flickering flame struggled with the shadows which danced incessantly
+over the bed and the walls. The ivy wreath hung opposite me, looking
+black and jagged like a crown of thorns.
+
+"It was about ten o'clock when Martha commenced to be delirious.
+
+"She raised herself up in bed and said in a clear, audible voice, 'I
+must really get up now--it is too bad!'
+
+"At first joy suffused my face, for I thought she had regained
+consciousness. 'Martha!' I jumped up and grasped her hand.
+
+"'I have put everything out in readiness--shirts and stockings and
+shoes, so that a blind man could find them in his sleep. And you need
+not take any measurements either--make no compliments--make no
+compliments.' And all the time she stared at me with glassy eyes, as if
+she saw a ghost; then suddenly she uttered a piercing shriek and cried,
+'Roll the stones away from my body they are crushing me. Why have you
+buried me under stones?'
+
+"I took the thinnest sheet I could find and spread it over her in place
+of the coverlet; but even that brought her no relief. She screamed and
+talked incessantly, and between whiles she muttered eagerly to herself,
+like one who is learning something off by heart.
+
+"Like this an hour must have passed. I sat in front of my table and
+stared at her; for I was in a ferment of terror lest any moment might
+bring some new, still more horrible development. From time to time,
+when she calmed down a little, I felt my limbs relax; then I closed my
+eyes and let myself sink back, and each time I had the sensation as if
+I were sinking into Robert's arms. But there hardly remained even a
+dull feeling, as if I were thereby committing any wrong; my weariness
+was too intense. I also had a sensation as if bubbles were bursting in
+my head, and roses opening out and always putting forth new wreaths of
+blossoms; then again there was a hissing sound from one ear to the
+other, as if some one had run a fuse right through my head and lighted
+it.
+
+"In this condition of nervous over-excitement, tossed hither and
+thither between terrified starting up and relaxation, Robert found me,
+when, towards midnight, he entered the room. He had intended to lie
+down on his bed for a short time, and then to watch for the rest of the
+night together with me; but Martha's screams had scared him too.
+
+"When I saw him, all my exhaustion was as if wiped away; I felt how a
+new stream of blood shot through my body, and I jumped up to go towards
+him.
+
+"'Try to rest a little.' he said, looking down at me with tired,
+swollen eyes; 'you will require all your strength.'
+
+"I shook my head and pointed to my sister, who was just flinging her
+hands about, as if in her delirium she were trying to tear me from his
+side.
+
+"'You are right,' he continued. 'Who could be calm enough to rest with
+this picture before his eyes.' And then he planted himself with clasped
+hands in front of the bed, bent down towards her and imprinted a soft
+kiss upon her wax-like forehead.
+
+"'That is how he kissed me too!' a voice within me cried.
+
+"Thereupon he sat down at the foot of the bed, so close to my chair
+that the arm which he rested upon the slab of the table almost touched
+my shoulder.
+
+"With the gloomy brooding of despair he stared across at her.
+
+"'Come to yourself, Robert!' I whispered to him, 'all may be well yet.'
+
+"He laughed grimly. 'What do you mean by "well"?' he cried; 'that she
+should remain alive and drag herself about with her sickly frame and
+crushed spirit, as a burden to herself and to others? Do you not know
+that these are the alternatives between which we have to choose?'
+
+"A cold shudder ran through my very marrow. But at the same time I felt
+as if the walls were giving way and an unbounded, shining vista opening
+out before me.
+
+"'Were you not going to be a priestess in this house?' a warning voice
+within me remonstrated, but its sounds were deadened by the surging of
+my blood.
+
+"'What is the use of struggling against fate?' he continued; 'I have
+long since learnt to submit quietly when blow after blow falls down
+upon me from above. I have become a miserable, weak-minded fellow. I
+have allowed fate to bind me hand and foot, and now, even if I struggle
+till the blood spurts from my joints, it is no good! I am powerless and
+shall remain so, and there's an end of it! But I do not care to talk
+myself into a passion. Such helpless rage is more contemptible than
+hypocritical submission.'
+
+"A desire darted through me to throw myself down in front of him, and
+to cry out to him, 'Do with me what you will: sacrifice me, tread me
+under-foot, let me die for you; but be brave and have new faith in your
+happiness----' then suddenly a moan from Martha's lips struck upon my
+ears, so plaintive, so pitiable that I started as if struck by the lash
+of a whip.
+
+"I felt ready to scream, but fear of him choked my utterance--only a
+groan escaped my breast, which I forcibly suppressed, when I noticed
+how anxiously he was looking into my eyes.
+
+"'Take no heed of me!' I said, forcing myself to smile; 'the chief
+thing is for her to get better.'
+
+"He crossed his arms over his knee and nodded a few times bitterly to
+himself. And then again the moaning ceased.
+
+"She had bowed her head upon her breast, and half closed her eyes. One
+might almost have thought her asleep; but the muttering and chattering
+continued. There was utter silence in the half-darkened room. Only the
+wind sped past the window with low soughing, and between the planks of
+the ceiling the mice scampered about.
+
+"Robert had buried his head in his hands, and was listening to Martha's
+weird talking. Gradually he seemed to grow quieter, his breath came
+more regularly and slowly, now and again his head dropped to one side,
+and next moment jerked up again.
+
+"His sleepiness had overpowered him. I wanted to urge him to go to
+rest; but I was afraid of the sound of my own voice, and therefore was
+silent.
+
+"More and more often did the upper part of his body sway to one side,
+now and again his hair touched my cheek--and he groped about seeking to
+find some support.
+
+"And then, suddenly, his head fell upon my shoulder, where it remained
+lying. My whole body trembled as if I had experienced some great
+happiness.
+
+"'An invincible desire possessed me to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+across my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads gleaming.
+
+"'It is already beginning to get grey,' I thought to myself, 'it is
+high time that he should taste what happiness is like.' And then I
+really stroked him.
+
+"He sighed in his sleep and sought to nestle closer with his head.
+
+"'He is lying uncomfortably.' I said to myself; 'you must move up
+nearer to him.'
+
+"I did so. His shoulder leant against mine, and his head fell upon my
+breast.
+
+"'You must put your arm round him,' a voice within me cried, 'otherwise
+he will still not find rest.'
+
+"Twice or three times I attempted, and as often I drew back.
+
+"What if Martha should suddenly wake! But even then her eyes saw
+nothing--her ears heard nothing.
+
+"And I did it.
+
+"Then a wild joy seized me: secretly I pressed him to me--and within me
+there arose the jubilant thought: 'Ah, how I would care for you and
+watch over you; how I would kiss those wicked furrows away from your
+brow, and the troubles from your soul! How I would fight for you with
+my virgin strength and never rest till your eyes were once more glad,
+and your heart once more full of sunshine! But for that----I looked
+across at Martha. Yes, she lived, she still lived. Her bosom rose and
+fell in short, rapid gasps. She seemed more alive than ever.
+
+"And suddenly it flamed up before me, and the words seemed as if I saw
+them distinctly written over there on the wall--
+
+                      "'_Oh, that she might die!_'
+
+"Yes, that was it, that was it.
+
+"Oh, that she might die! Oh, that she might die!"
+
+
+
+
+                                  VII.
+
+
+Drawing a deep breath, the physician stopped short, and wiped the
+perspiration from his forehead.
+
+Robert had jumped up, stared for a moment at the flaming orb of the
+lamp, as if dazzled by the light, and then rushed towards the old man
+as if to tear the paper out of his hands.
+
+"That does indeed stand there?" he stammered.
+
+"Read for yourself!" said the other.
+
+A long silence ensued.
+
+The lamp burnt with its quiet, cheery light as if it were illumining a
+deed of brightest gladsomeness, and softly, as if with velvety paws,
+the wind touched the windows. Downstairs everything seemed to be
+growing quieter. The intervals between the bursts of laughter grew
+longer and longer--the babel of voices changed to a steady, dull buzz.
+The people were getting tired--they were digesting.
+
+The physician looked round for Robert. He had dropped down once more
+upon the ledge of the empty bedstead, had buried his face in his hands,
+and was absolutely motionless.
+
+Only his heaving breath, which escaped his breast in short, irregular
+gasps, testified to the turmoil that was raging within him.
+
+"Come to yourself, my boy," said the physician, laying his hand on
+Robert's shoulder.
+
+"Uncle, of course it goes without saying--she was not in her right mind
+when she wrote this?"
+
+"She was never more in her right mind than at that moment!"
+
+"How dare you affirm such a thing? Do not insult the dead!"
+
+"Nothing is further from my thoughts, dear boy. Who shall presume to
+cast the first stone at her? But if you have been listening
+attentively, you will certainly understand that her whole life was
+nothing more than the maturing of this moment. Already in her girlish
+dreams the seeds of this criminal wish lay buried; they put forth
+sudden shoots on yonder stone in the wood, and came into blossom at the
+very hour when she crept into your room to unite you with Martha."
+
+"Why did she do that, if she herself wished to step into Martha's
+place?"
+
+"She was not conscious of what she wished. All her efforts to make you
+and Martha happy were nothing further than the secret struggle which
+her pure honest nature was waging with the wish growing up within her,
+since that day of her girlhood when she had seen you again. But she did
+not know it. Even her love for you did not become clear to her till she
+entered your house. How much less then could she suspect what was
+slumbering, as the fruit of this love, within her soul."
+
+"And yet you say she fought against it and tried to exterminate it?"
+
+"Not spiritually, not consciously. Her thought remained pure till that
+terrible midnight hour. It was only her instinct which struggled
+against the poison. That drew new resources daily from the healthy
+depths of her strong nature, by which to secrete the putrid matter or
+at least to enclose it so that it became innocuous. For this reason she
+condemned herself to exile, for this reason even in face of your house
+she contemplated a hasty retreat. How little she was, even later,
+conscious of the processes which for years had been developing within
+her, you may see by the whole tone of her reminiscences. She absolutely
+unconsciously dwells upon many unimportant incidents, which have
+nothing to do with the progress of the story and yet are valuable as
+showing the gradual development of her wish. She knows not why she does
+so: her feeling alone tells her: this has some connection with my
+guilt."
+
+"I believe in no guilt!" exclaimed Robert, in greatest excitement. "If
+that wish was not a mere hallucination, not the result of a momentarily
+morbid, over-strung frame of mind, but had lain for a long while
+dormant in her nature, how came it that, only six hours before uttering
+it, she expressed herself with such indignation about my mother because
+she suspected her of harbouring it?"
+
+"For my part," replied the old man, "nothing is more convincing for my
+view of the matter, than this very indignation. To free her own
+conscience from the burden which she felt resting upon it, she cast
+every stone which she could take hold of, at your mother. It was terror
+at her own sin which drove her to it."
+
+"And the noble, self-sacrificing resolve which she formed only a few
+days before?"
+
+Over the old man's weather-beaten features there flitted a smile full
+of understanding and forgiveness.
+
+Then he said, "The old proverb about the good intentions with which the
+path to Hell is paved, may hold good here too; but it only touches the
+surface of the matter. This resolve was a last abortive attempt to
+unite sisterly love with her longing for you, to make a pact between
+her powerful, burning desire for happiness and the impulse to keep
+faith towards her sister. It was the most unnatural thing she could hit
+upon, for silent resignation was not in her line. It was a particularly
+cruel fate which doomed her, with her noble disposition and powerful
+will, to be forced into a sin which is the most common and most
+cowardly on earth, a sin which I have found lurking on countless faces,
+when I stood at the bedside of people seriously ill. This, my boy, is
+one of the darkest spots in human nature, a remnant of bestiality which
+has managed to find its way into our tamed world; even such sensitive
+natures as Olga may fall a prey to it, though of course they perish
+through it, while coarser souls simply conceal and suppress what is
+struggling to appear from the darkest depths of their beings. Wait, I
+will speak more plainly. I once came to the bedside of a rich old man,
+a landowner, whose last breath was not far off. At the head of his bed
+stood his eldest son, a man of about forty, who for long years had held
+the post of inspector on strange estates, and whose intended bride was
+beginning to grow old and faded with waiting. The son was a good,
+honest fellow who would not have hurt a fly, who loved his father with
+all his heart, and would certainly have been ashamed to wish his
+deadliest enemy any ill; but in the stealthy, terrified glance with
+which he watched me, while I bent down my ear towards the old man's
+breast, I distinctly read the wish! 'Oh, that he might die!' Another
+time I was called in to a woman who was very happy in second marriage.
+Only one cloud troubled her new happiness. Her husband could not
+befriend himself with the child of her first marriage. He knitted his
+brows at the mere mention of the little creature, and as she loved him
+passionately, she feared he might come to hate her on the child's
+account, and hid it away from him as much as ever she could. The child
+got scarlet fever. I found the mother kneeling at its bedside and
+weeping bitterly. She trembled in fear for the feeble little life.
+Had she not herself brought it forth! Then her husband entered the
+room--she started--and in the restless, wavering glance which she cast
+towards the cradle, there stood clearly and legibly written: 'It would
+be for my happiness, if you died.' I could give you innumerable
+examples where jealousy, covetousness, desire for independence,
+restlessness, impulse for liberty, amorous longing, have matured this
+terrible, criminal wish, which suddenly rises up dark and gigantic
+within the human breast, in which hitherto only love and light have
+found a place. Happily nowadays it does not do much harm. In olden,
+more barbarous times, when the passions were permitted to rage
+unfettered, the deed aided the thought. And if perchance in the family
+circle any one happened to be in the other's way, poison and the dagger
+simply claimed their victims. History and literature abound with
+murders of this kind, and that great student of mankind, Shakspeare,
+for example, knows hardly any other tragic motive besides murder of
+kin. To-day people have grown calmer, and if a struggle for existence
+happens nowadays to creep into the holy family circle, one is content
+to wish the obnoxious one, in a dark hour, six feet under the earth.
+This wish is the ancient murder restrained by modern civilisation.
+There, my boy, now I have given you a long discourse, and if,
+meanwhile, your blood has cooled down, my object is fulfilled."
+
+"So you absolutely condemn her?" Robert anxiously stammered forth.
+
+"My dear boy, I condemn no one," replied the old man, with a serious
+smile, "least of all such an honest nature as Olga was. The fact alone
+that she had the courage to confess to herself and to him whom she
+loved most, what she was guilty of, raises her above the others. For
+this wish, of which we are speaking, as it is the most hideous
+spiritual sin of which the human soul can become guilty, so it is also
+the most secret. No friend confides it to a friend, no husband whispers
+it in the darkness of the nocturnal couch to his wife, no penitent
+dares to confess it to his spiritual adviser, even the prayer that
+struggles upwards to heaven out of the depths of contrition, passes it
+over in hypocritical silence. God may have knowledge of everything,
+only not of this baseness. Let this perish in shame and silence, as it
+was brought forth in night and horror. And more than this! This wish is
+the only crime for which there is commonly no expiation, no punishment
+either before the tribunal of the outer world, or one's own conscience.
+This is a case in which even that merciless judge which a man carries
+about within him proves amenable to bribery. Thousands of people who
+have once been guilty of this baseness go on living happily, put on
+flesh in perfect peace of soul, and rejoice in the fulfilment of their
+wish, which they themselves forget as speedily as possible, as soon as
+ever it is fulfilled. It becomes absorbed into the soul, just as a germ
+of disease becomes absorbed as soon as the stimulant of disease has
+disappeared. It is lost without any trace, it is absolutely blotted out
+by an abundance of social and personal virtues. I on no account say
+that I condemn these people. What would become of the world if every
+one who on looking into the glass discovered a wart on his face, were
+to cut his throat in despair at the fact? The people I have described
+to you are the healthy every-day people, whose so-called good
+constitution can stand a blow, and who care not a rap if now and again
+something objectionable sticks to them. Olga was moulded of finer clay,
+her nervous system was sensible to lesser shocks, and what only caused
+others a slight irritation, was to her already a lash of the whip. Such
+natures are often somewhat morbid, they incline towards melancholy and
+hysteria, and their soul-life is governed by imaginations, which, in
+the eyes of others, are apt to assume the character of fixed ideas. And
+yet everything about them is strictly normal, indeed their organism
+works even more accurately than that of the ordinary, average human
+being, and if one were to place them, like delicate chemical scales
+under a glass case, one might see them work wonders. As a rule a
+certain weakness of purpose cleaves to this class of sensitive people,
+which makes them shyly retreat into themselves at the slightest
+extraneous touch--and this is lucky for them; for thus they are saved
+all violent collision with the outer world, to which they would not,
+after all, prove equal. But woe to those among them who are driven by
+some impetuous desire, some mighty passion, straight among rocks and
+thorns! Then it is very possible that an adhering thorn, which others
+would hardly have noticed, may become to them a poisoned arrow, and
+corrode their body and soul till they perish in consequence. There,
+now, I have talked enough. Here lie two or three more sheets. Listen!
+Here we shall learn how one may be ruined by a wish."
+
+
+
+
+                                 VIII.
+
+
+"Of that which now followed, I have only retained a vague recollection.
+I remember that I suddenly uttered a shriek, which made even Martha
+start up, that I flung myself down at her bedside, clutched her burning
+hands, and continued to cry out, 'Save me! save me! wake up!'
+
+"And then again I find myself in a different room, into which Robert
+has taken me. I remember how, there, in the looking-glass, I recognised
+my distorted face, bathed in the perspiration of terror, how I burst
+into a laugh, and, shuddering at my own laughter, sank all in a heap,
+and how all the while, chuckling and hissing with a thousand covetous
+voices, there came sounding in my ears the wish: 'Oh, that she might
+die!' How shall I describe it all, without being hunted to death by the
+spectres of that night?
+
+"The only clear remembrance that I still retain is that suddenly the
+doctor's dear old face was bending over me, that I had to drink
+something that tasted bitter, and--then I know nothing more.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When I awoke the pale light of dawn gleamed through the windows. My
+head ached, I looked around dazed, and then it seemed as if I saw
+written on the whitewashed wall opposite, the words: 'Oh, that she
+might die!'
+
+"I shuddered, and then the thought rose within me: 'Now, if she dies,
+it will be your wish which has murdered her.'
+
+"I pulled myself together, and walked up to the looking-glass.
+
+"'So this is what a woman looks like who wishes her sister might die!'
+said I, while my ashen-pale face stared back at me; and, seized with a
+sudden loathing, I hit at the glass with my fist. My knuckles bled, but
+it did not break. Fool that I was, not to know that henceforth all the
+world would only be there to hold up a mirror to my crime!
+
+"'But perhaps she may not die!' it suddenly darted through my brain.
+Such radiance seemed to burst forth from this thought, that I closed my
+eyes as if dazzled.
+
+"And then again it cried aloud within me: 'She will die; your wish has
+murdered her!' I ground my teeth, and groping along by the walls, I
+crept into the sick room.
+
+"When I stood at the door, and no longer heard any sound from within,
+the idea took possession of me:
+
+"'You will find her as a corpse.'
+
+"No, she still lived, but death had already set his mark upon her face.
+
+"The bridge of the nose had become more prominent, her lips no longer
+closed over her irregular teeth, her eyes seemed to have sunk right
+down into their dark sockets.
+
+"At her feet stood Robert and the old doctor. Robert had pressed his
+hands to his face. Sobs shook his frame. The old man scrutinised me
+with a penetrating glance. Again, for a moment, I felt as if he were
+looking me through and through, as if my guilt were openly exposed
+before him. But then, as he hastened towards me, who was tottering, and
+held me upright in his arms, I recognised that it was only the
+physician's glance with which he had examined me.
+
+"'How long will she live yet?' I asked, closing my eyes.
+
+"'She is dying!'
+
+"At that moment something within me grew rigid, turned to stone. At
+that moment hope died within me, and with it my faith in myself, in
+happiness, in goodness. A great calm came over me. Death, which hovered
+over this bed, had spread its dark pinions around my body too. With the
+clear vision of a prophetess, I saw what yet remained to me of life,
+spread out unveiled before my eyes. Like one dead I should henceforth
+have to wander upon earth, like one dead I should have to cling to
+life, like one dead see that happiness approach me, which was for ever
+lost to me. Robert stepped up to me and embraced me. I calmly suffered
+it, I felt nothing more.
+
+"Then I sat down close to my sister's bedside, and looked at her,
+waiting for her death.
+
+"Attentively I followed every symptom of her slow expiring. I felt as
+if my consciousness had separated itself from me, as if I could see
+myself sitting there like a stone figure, staring into the dying
+woman's face.
+
+"No feverish illusion, no morbid self-incrimination any longer
+disturbed the course of my ideas. It was by this time clear to me that
+my wish could not in reality bring death upon her, and yet--for me and
+my conscience it remained the wish alone which had killed her.
+
+"Thus I sat, as her murderess, at her bedside, and waited for her death
+which was also mine.
+
+"It was a long time coming. The hours of the day passed and she still
+lived. Her pulse had long ceased to beat, her heart seemed to stand
+still, and yet her breath continued to come and go in short feeble
+gasps. While I was lying in a morphia sleep, they had given her as a
+last resource an injection of musk to revive her strength once more.
+This was what she was existing on now. But the odour of musk, mingling
+with the carbolic vapours, filled the room like some heavy, tangible
+body, weighed on my brow and seemed to crush my temples. I felt as if
+with every breath I were drinking in increasing burdens.
+
+"In the afternoon Robert's parents came. I, who had yesterday shown my
+aunt only pride and contempt, to-day kissed her hand in humiliation.
+This was the beginning of the penance which I had inflicted upon myself
+at Martha's death-bed, and which shall endure as long as I live.
+
+"Evening came on. Marta still continued to breathe. With wide-open
+mouth, her dead eyes covered with a film, she stared at me. Her body
+seemed to get smaller and smaller, quite shrunk together she lay there.
+It almost looked as if in death she did not venture to take up even the
+small space which she had occupied during her lifetime.
+
+"Aunt filled the house with her loathsome sobbing, and the others, too,
+were weeping; I alone remained without tears.
+
+"When towards eleven o'clock she had drawn her last breath, I fell into
+a delirium.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Just now I have returned from the manor.
+
+"He was good and kind towards me, and in his eyes there gleamed a
+half-hidden, bashful tenderness, which my soul drank in eagerly. I feel
+as if a new spring-time must be coming, my heart is full of smiles and
+laughter, and when I close my eyes golden sunlight rays seem to be
+dancing round about me. But now away with this enervating dream of
+happiness!
+
+"If he should learn to love me, all the worse for him! I gave him no
+occasion--no, indeed not! I should feel I must despise myself like a
+very prostitute if I had done so. Since my convalescence I have managed
+his household for him truly and faithfully, for more than a year,
+without claiming his approval, without wishing to grow indispensable to
+him. Even my dear aunt has had to recognise that, who almost forces her
+hospitality upon me, in spite of my being personally so hateful to her.
+She is much too good a housekeeper herself not to know that, but for
+me, the household would have gone to rack and ruin in those days, when
+Robert forgot everything in gloomy mourning for his dead--not even
+taking any interest in the child, which she had left him as a pledge.
+But for me, the poor little thing would be lying under the ground long
+ago. I will not enumerate all I did and worked during this time. It is
+surely not meet for me to play the Pharisee.
+
+"Nor will I speak of expiation. How pompous the word sounds, and what
+miserable self-deception generally hides behind it! How shall I wash
+away what defiles me? One may expiate some tragic guilt, one can even
+expiate some great crime, but a piece of baseness such as I committed,
+cleaves to the soul for ever! Ah, if I did not know what secret desire
+lurks in the depths of my heart!
+
+"Why else should I require to stand there absolved before my own
+conscience, if not in order that I might one day become his? As if
+everlasting fate itself had not reared up a wall between us, reaching
+up from the depths of _her_ grave as high as the stars.
+
+"And if some demon should ever whisper into his ear, advising him to
+stretch out his hand for me, what else could I do but repulse him, as
+if for his audacity? But he will never do such a thing. I have
+succeeded in keeping him at a distance. Let him believe that I have a
+poor opinion of him, let him believe that I am haughty and unfeeling
+through self-love. I shall know how to guard my heart's secret.
+
+"If only one thing were not so!
+
+"Sometimes, especially at night, when I am staring into the darkness, a
+wild, mad longing comes over me with such power, that I feel as if I
+must succumb to it. It seizes me like a feverish delirium; it dims my
+senses, and makes my blood boil in my veins; it is the longing to lie
+just for once upon his breast, and there to weep my heart out. For in
+those nights my tears were dried up. I have never been able to weep
+since the day when I found Martha lying on her sick-bed.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+                                        "_A fortnight later_.
+
+"It has come to pass. He loves me. He came to woo me. Now I know that
+there is an expiation! These tortures must indeed purify! Jesus,
+I have lost my childish faith in Thee, but Thou wast a man. Thou hast
+suffered like me. Thee I implore--no, this is madness! Come to your
+senses, woman; pull yourself together. Is there not an everlasting
+resting-place, whither you may flee by your own free will, if your
+strength is no longer equal to the misery of this life? Who is to
+prevent you?
+
+"He loves me. I have attained it. But in order that he might love me,
+Martha had first to perish, I myself had to sink down into an abyss of
+guilt and shame from which no power in heaven or on earth can save me.
+
+"I am dead. Dead shall be my desires and my hopes, and my rebellious
+blood, which wells up seething at thought of him. I will soon compel it
+to be calm; and if not----.
+
+"Oh, how he stood before me, timidly stammering forth word by word. How
+shyly and imploringly his eye sought mine, and yet how he hardly dared
+to raise his glance from the ground. How, in his awkwardness, he
+twisted the ends of his beard round his fingers, and stamped his foot
+when he could not find the right word! Oh, my poor dear, big child, did
+you not see how my every limb was trembling with the desire to rush
+towards you and hold you tight for all eternity, did you not see how my
+lips were twitching with the temptation to press themselves upon yours,
+and to hang there till their last breath?
+
+"Did you not see all this?
+
+"Did you really believe the words, which half unconsciously I spoke to
+you? My heart knows nothing of them, that I swear to you. I have loved
+you ever since I can remember. I know that my last breath will utter
+your name.
+
+"And shame on you, if you really had faith in my pretexts! I leave you
+for a rich girl! You, for whom I would gladly beg in the streets, for
+whom I would work till my eyes grew dim and my fingers sore, if you
+needed it!
+
+"Do you remember that night in our parents' house, when you were wooing
+Martha? Do you remember it and dare to insult me by putting faith in my
+miserable excuses?
+
+"And when at parting I gave you my hand, why did you look into my eyes
+so sadly and humbly? Did you not know that now that look will haunt me
+day and night like the reproach of some heavy crime I have committed
+towards you?
+
+"No, my friend, you are the only one on earth who have nothing to
+reproach me with. Towards you I have acted honestly--and most honestly
+to-day, even though you were never so unutterably deceived as to-day!
+If only I might tell you how much I love you! How gladly would I die in
+that self-same hour. Only once to lie upon your breast--only once to
+hide my head upon your shoulder and weep, weep--weep blood and tears!
+
+"You must never again look at me like that, my giant, as if I had had a
+right to despise you, as if you were too simple and not good enough for
+me. I do not know what I might not do in that case! Heaven protect you
+from me and my love!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+                                        "_A week later_.
+
+"And now I have done it _after all_! I have thrown myself upon his
+neck; I have satiated myself with his kisses; I have wept my fill in
+his arms!
+
+"I am calm--quite calm. I have tasted whatever of happiness life had
+left to offer me, the sinner.
+
+"But what now?
+
+"Since hours I have been face to face with the last great question:
+'Shall I flee or die?'
+
+"One or the other I must do this very night; for to-morrow he will come
+to lead me to Martha's grave.
+
+"Rather than follow him thither, I will die!
+
+"But I will even assume that I could be enough of a hypocrite not to
+drop down beside the grave and confess all to him, I will assume that I
+should not be choked with loathing of myself, that I should really have
+enough wretched courage to become his wife; what sort of a life should
+I lead at his side?
+
+"What is the good of clinging to happiness when one has long since
+forfeited it? Should I not slink about like some poor criminal in her
+last hours, everlastingly tortured by the fear of betraying myself to
+him, and yet filled with the desire to proclaim my guilt to the whole
+world? How could I sleep in the bed out of which I wished her into her
+grave! How could I wake between the walls on which there still stands
+written in flaming letters: 'Oh, that she might die!'
+
+"I will converse quite calmly and sensibly with myself, as is meet for
+one who is making up the account of her life. That I cannot become his
+wife I know very well.
+
+"Shall I flee?--What should I do among strangers? I know them. I know
+these people and despise them. They have wrought evil towards me; they
+would torment me again in the future.
+
+"All the faith, all the love, all the hope still remaining to me, have
+their foundation in him alone.
+
+"So I must die! The bottles of morphia stand, well preserved, in the
+corner of my cupboard. I had some suspicion that I might want them,
+when, in defiance of the old doctor, I secretly saved up their
+contents. The few hours of sleep which I thereby lost, will now be
+amply compensated for.
+
+"Only a letter yet to my uncle the doctor; he shall be my heir and my
+confidant. Perhaps he can help me to wipe away all traces of my deed,
+so that Robert may suspect nothing. Not a greeting to him. That is the
+hardest of all, but it must be so.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"I have run out secretly and posted the letter. The watchman was
+signalling midnight. How empty, how dark is the whole world! In the
+lime-trees the wind is soughing. Here and there a light is sadly
+gleaming as if to illumine hidden sorrows. A drunken fellow came
+shouting along the road and made as if to attack me. Darkness, poverty,
+and brutality out there--in here guilt and unappeasable longing--that
+would be my future. Verily this life has nothing more to offer me.
+
+"People talk and write so much about the terror of death. I feel
+nothing of it. I am content, for I have wept my fill. Those suppressed
+tears weighed heavily upon me; and weeping makes one weary, they say.
+Good-night!"
+
+
+
+
+                                The End.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Wish
+       A Novel
+
+Author: Hermann Sudermann
+
+Translator: Lily Henkel
+
+Release Date: October 28, 2010 [EBook #33886]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WISH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Bowen, from page scans provided by the Web Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<p class="hang1">Transcriber's Notes:<br>
+1. Page scan source: http://www.archive.org/details/wishnovel00suderich</p>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h1>THE WISH</h1>
+<br>
+
+<h2><i>A NOVEL</i></h2>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<h4>BY</h4>
+<h2>HERMANN SUDERMANN</h2>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h4>TRANSLATED BY</h4>
+<h2>LILY HENKEL</h2>
+<br>
+
+<h4>WITH A BIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTION BY</h4>
+<h3>ELIZABETH LEE</h3>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h3>NEW YORK<br>
+D. APPLETON AND COMPANY<br>
+1895</h3>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h3><i>Authorized Edition</i>.</h3>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">Since the beginning of time men have been accustomed to regard the end
+of a century as a period of decadence. The waning nineteenth century is
+no more fortunate than its predecessors. We are continually being
+invited to speculate on the signs around us of decay in politics, in
+religion, in art, in the whole social fabric. It is not for us to
+inquire here concerning the truth or the ethics of that belief. But, as
+far as literature is concerned, it is very certain that the last years
+of the present century will be remembered for the extraordinary talent
+shown by a few young novelists and dramatists in most of the countries
+of Europe. In England, we can point to Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Mr. J.
+M. Barrie; in France, to M. Paul Margueritte and M. Marcel Prévost; in
+Belgium, to M. Maurice Maeterlinck; in Germany, to Gerhard Hauptmann,
+Ludwig Fulda, and Hermann Sudermann.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The events of Sudermann's life are few; and he has the good sense to
+prefer to be known through his works rather than through the medium of
+the professional interviewer. The facts here set down, however, we owe
+to the courtesy of Sudermann himself a circumstance that lends them an
+additional interest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Hermann Sudermann was born September 30, 1857, in Matzicken, a poor
+village in Heydekrug, a district of East Prussia, situated on the
+Russian frontier. It is not unlikely that the following passage taken
+from one of his novels bears some resemblance to the place:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The estate that my father farmed was situated on a high hill close to
+the Prussian frontier; an uncultivated, wild park sloping gently
+towards the open fields formed one side of the hill, while the other
+sank steeply down to a little river. On the farther side of the stream
+you could see a dirty little Polish frontier village.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Standing at the edge of the precipice you looked down on the ruinous
+shingle roofs; the smoke came up through the rifts in them. You looked
+right into the midst of the miserable life of the dirty streets where
+half naked children wallowed in the filthy where the women squatted
+idly on the threshold, and where the men in torn smocks, with spade on
+shoulder, betook themselves to the alehouses.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There was nothing attractive about the town, and the rabble of
+frontier Cossacks, who galloped here and there on their catlike, drowsy
+nags, did not increase the charm.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Sudermann began his education at the school of Elbing. But his parents
+were in poor circumstances, and at the age of fourteen he found it
+necessary to think about earning a living, and was apprenticed to a
+chemist. He continued his studies in his leisure time with such good
+results that he returned to school, this time at Tilsit. In 1875 he
+went to the university of Königsberg, and in 1877 to that of Berlin.
+His first intention was to become a teacher, and while still pursuing
+his studies undertook for a few months the duties of tutor in the house
+of the poet Hans Hopfen. But in 1881, after six years spent in studying
+history, philosophy, literature, and modern languages (Sudermann
+understands English perfectly), he turned to journalism, and edited the
+<i>Deutsches Reichsblatt</i>, a political weekly. He soon threw aside
+newspaper work for true literature, for what the Germans call
+<i>belletristik</i>, and he has become famous through his novels, short
+stories, and plays. He is good-looking, with a dark melancholy face
+that lights up with a most remarkable and expressive smile when he
+speaks; nothing could be more unaffected than his manner, nor more
+charming than his whole personality. As yet there is no Sudermann
+Society for the discussion of the author's works, but in Berlin, where
+he has many admiring friends, Sudermann occasionally reads to them his
+productions while they are yet unpublished. The little story called
+<i>Iolanthe's Hochzeit</i> was first heard in that way.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Although Sudermann's work is in all its aspects essentially modern,
+indeed all the conditions and problems of modern life have the highest
+interest for him, he belongs to no class, ranges himself with neither
+realists nor idealists, and bows to the yoke of no literary fashion. In
+common with all great artists, Sudermann paints his own age, but while
+portraying men and women as he knows them, in the nineteenth century,
+he gives them, at least in his novels and tales, the human nature that
+is the same through all time. He has lived in Berlin, and his dramas
+give us life in that city both among the proletariat and the rich
+middle class. He has lived in East Prussia, and there is laid the scene
+of his longer novels. He is familiar with other parts of Germany, with
+Italy, and with Paris, and everywhere he has used his gift of keen
+observation to good purpose. A certain melancholy, a feeling of the
+&quot;inevitableness&quot; of things, if we may be allowed the expression, runs
+through all his writings, and may perhaps be traced to the effect on
+his sensitive and high-strung nature of the East Prussian landscape,
+amid which he spent his boyhood. The meadow-flats and corn-lands, the
+meagre pine-woods, and dark, lonely pools of his native district, form
+the background of most of his tales. Numerous passages might be quoted
+which would serve to show the melancholy and loneliness of the
+landscape. As an example we may take:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thick and heavy as if you could grasp them with your hands, the clouds
+spread over the flat land. Here and there the trunk of a willow
+stretched forth its rugged knots to the air, heavily laden with moisture.
+The tree was soaked with damp, and glistened with the drops that had hung
+in rows on the bare boughs. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road that
+ran between withered reeds and sedge.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The moon stood high in the heavens and shed her calm, bluish light far
+over the sleeping heath. The clumps of alders on the moor bore wreaths
+of lights and from the slender silvery trunks of the birches which
+bordered the broad straight road in endless rows, came a sparkle and
+brightness that made the road seem as if lost far below in the silvery
+distance.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Silence all around. The birds had long ceased singing. A stillness of
+the late summer time, the complacent stillness of departing life lay
+over the broad plain. You scarcely heard the sound of a cricket in the
+ditches, or a field-mouse disturbed in its slumbers, gliding through
+the tall grass with its low chipping whistle.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Such pictures constantly meet us in the pages of Sudermann's books;
+taken in connection with their setting, they are often of great force
+and beauty. Nothing, however, is obtruded; there is no searching after
+a dramatic background, or undue word-painting; everything is in keeping
+with and subordinate to the main interest of the tale.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With such surroundings, Sudermann cleverly assimilates his characters.
+They are mostly the victims of circumstances which they are more or
+less unable to overcome. In some cases the fault, as with Leo
+Sellenthin in <i>Es war</i>, Sudermann's latest novel, lies in the weakness
+or sinfulness of the man; in others, in surroundings and events for
+which the man is not himself directly responsible. Sometimes the noble
+unselfish love and devotion of a woman make a happier state of things
+possible; Sudermann is a firm believer in the power and influence of
+good women in human life. His women are not so sharply outlined as
+Ibsen's, but he recognises in the sex, though much more vaguely, like
+possibilities. For example, Leonore in <i>Die Ehre</i> sees the folly and
+emptiness of fashionable life and has the courage to give her hand
+where she loves, to a man who, by her set, would be considered far
+beneath her. Magda, in <i>Heimat</i>, refuses to desert her child. And his
+young girls are even more charming, more natural than those of Ibsen.
+Eager-hearted Dina Dorf, with her desire for a larger life in the
+world; hard-working Petra Stockman with her delight in her work and her
+unflinching truth and honesty; Bolette Wangel with her desire for
+knowledge, &quot;to know something about everything&quot; are, as everybody
+knows, among Ibsen's most delightful creations. In <i>Es War</i> Sudermann
+gives us as perfect and natural a study of a young girl as we have met
+with in fiction or the drama for a very long while. Hertha cherishes a
+secret love for a man much older than herself but has reason to fear
+that his affections are set on a married woman, the wife of his best
+friend. To Hertha's innocent and unworldly mind this is a great puzzle;
+to her the sacredness of love between husband and wife seems a matter
+of course.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Certainly the beautiful woman was a thousand times lovelier than poor
+Hertha--and she was, moreover, much cleverer.... But could she--and
+therein lay the great puzzle, the invincible contradiction that knocked
+all suspicion on the head--could she as a married woman possibly be an
+object of love to a man other than her husband? Wives were loved by
+their husbands--that is why they are married and by no one else in the
+world.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">But Hertha determines to take such means as are within her power of
+discovering if suck things are possible, if such things exist. She
+first consults her books--books, of course, suited to a young girl's
+library. She goes through her novels, but nothing in them points to the
+enormity. Then she turns to the classics, to Schiller!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Amalie was a young girl--so was Luise--but then there was the queen of
+Spain! However, in that case it was clear as noonday how little poets
+deserved to be trusted, for that a man should fall in love with his
+stepmother could only take place in the world of imagination where
+genius, drawn away from the earth, intoxicated with inspiration, soars
+aloft. Not in vain had she, a year and a half before, written a school
+composition on 'Genius and Reality,' in which she had treated the
+question in a most exhaustive manner.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">She next tries her friend Elly, a girl of her own age, but much more
+experienced in the ways of the world.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Listen, dear, I want to ask you a very important question. You're in
+love, aren't you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes'; replied Elly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And you're sure the man's in love with you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why do you say &quot;man&quot;?' asked Elly. 'Curt is my ideal. A little time
+ago it was Bruno--and before that it was Alfred--but now it's Curt, Yet
+he's not a man.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What is he, then?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He's a <i>young</i> man.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh! that's it, is it? No, he's certainly not a man.' And Hertha's
+eyes shone: she knew what a 'man' looked like. 'Well, darling,' she
+went on, 'do you think that a &quot;man,&quot; or a <i>young</i> man--it's all the
+same--could possibly love a married woman?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Of course--naturally he would,' replied Elly, with perfect calmness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Hertha smiled indulgently at such want of intelligence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No, no, little one,' she said. 'I don't mean his own wife, but a
+woman who is the wife of another?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So do I! replied Elly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And that seems to you quite a matter of course?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My dear child, I didn't think you were so innocent! said Elly;
+'everybody knows as much as that. And formerly it was even worse. A
+true knight always loved another man's wife: it was a great crime to
+love his own wife. He would cut off his right hand for the stranger's
+sake, and would die for her, pressing her blue favour to his lips; for
+you see at that time they always wore her blue favour. You'll find it
+in every history of literature.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Hertha became very thoughtful. 'Ah! in those days!' she said, with the
+ghost of a smile; 'in those days men went to tournaments and stabbed
+each other in sport with their lances.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And to-day,' whispered Elly, 'men shoot each other dead with
+pistols.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Hertha felt as if she had been stabbed to the heart, and the little
+pink and white daughter of Eve continued, 'I think it must be quite
+delightful when one is married to know that some one is hopelessly in
+love with you. It's quite certain that most unhappy love affairs arise
+in that way.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The next day Hertha questioned her grandmother.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Grandmother, I'm grown up now, aren't I?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes--so, so,' answered the old lady.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And probably I shall soon be married.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You!' shouted her grandmother, in deadly terror. Doubtless the
+wretched child had come to confide in her the addresses of some booby
+of a neighbour.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes.' continued Hertha, inarticulately and with great hesitation;
+'with my big fortune I am not likely to be an old maid.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Child!' exclaimed the old lady, 'of whom are you thinking?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Hertha blushed to her neck. 'I?' she stammered, trying to preserve an
+indifferent tone of voice, 'of nobody.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, then you were merely talking generally?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Of course; I only meant generally'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, and what do you want to know?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I want to know--how it is with--you understand--with love
+when one----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'When one----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, when one is married?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then you go on loving just as you did before.' replied her
+grandmother, lightly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, I know that. But suppose you love another man to whom you aren't
+married?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Wha--t!' In her terror the old lady let her spectacles fall off her
+nose. 'What other?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Hertha suddenly felt as if she must collapse. She had to summon all
+her courage and pull herself together in order to go on.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Can't it happen, grandmother dear, that some one to whom you're not
+married takes it into his head----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My dear child' replied the grandmother, 'never come to me with such
+foolish questions. You cannot understand such things. Now give me a
+kiss and get your knitting.'&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">So that plan did not answer. There was still one further possibility of
+discovery. Hertha had a school friend who had lately got married. She
+would ask her. So she began:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Wives love their husbands, that goes without saying. But do you think
+it possible that wives can be loved by other men?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How odd you are', replied Meta. 'You can't prevent people loving.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I know that. But a man, don't you see, who would----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, that sort of thing does happen.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What! is some one in love with you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Meta blushed, 'I don't bother about it. It's quite enough that Hans
+loves me, and of course I should very politely forbid anything of the
+sort.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then people do forbid such things?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Certainly, if they're told of it.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What! you might be told?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Sometimes, if the man who is in love with you is very bold.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Good gracious,' said Hertha, shocked, 'If anyone behaved like that to
+me, I should box his ears.' But in great anxiety she continued, 'Do you
+think it likely that there are women who have a different opinion?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, yes!' said Meta.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Who--in the end--return the bold mans love?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Even so.'&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then Meta repeats certain gossip that confirms Hertha's worst fears.
+The whole chapter should be read in order to appreciate rightly the
+charm and pathos and naturalness of the delightful piece of character
+drawing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Like Ibsen and Zola, Sudermann does not hesitate to set the truth
+before us even when it is terrible or brutal or revolting. But he
+differs from them in having a less gloomy outlook, in firmly believing
+that, at the same time as human nature is coarse and brutal, stupid and
+violent, it is loving, capable of sacrifice and of deep feeling. He
+sees the strange not to say the inexplicable mixture of good and evil
+in all things human, and knows man to be neither all gold nor all
+alloy. This we take it is the true realism.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">To make Sudermann's point of view clear to English readers there is
+perhaps no better nor more direct way than to give a brief account of
+his works. They are three novels, <i>Frau Sorge</i> (Dame Care), published
+in 1886, <i>Der Katzensteg</i> (the name of a small wooden bridge over a
+waterfall that plays a prominent part in the story), 1888, <i>Es war</i> (It
+Was), 1893; three volumes of short tales, <i>Geschwister</i> (Brothers and
+Sisters), first published in the <i>Berliner Tageblatt</i> in 1884 and 1886
+respectively (one of the stories, <i>Der Wunsch</i>, appears in the present
+volume), <i>Im Zwielicht</i> (In the Twilight), novelettes written in
+various newspapers, and <i>Iolanthe's Hochzeit</i> (Iolanthe's Wedding),
+1892; and three dramas, <i>Die Ehre</i> (Honour), <i>Sodom's Ende</i> (The
+Destruction of Sodom), and <i>Heimat</i> (<i>The Paternal Hearth</i>).</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The most perfectly artistic of his longer novels, and that most deeply
+impregnated with the peculiar characteristics of East Prussian
+landscape is <i>Frau Sorge</i>. Paul, the hero, is born just at the moment
+when his father's difficulties make it necessary for him to sell his
+house and land: this gloomy circumstance overshadows the whole of
+Paul's life. While his brothers and sisters in spite of the family
+poverty are, in their careless, unthinking way, happy and even
+prosperous, wilfully blind to the fact that they owe all to the
+industry and continual self-sacrifice of Paul, his life is one long
+toil and struggle, one long fidelity to duty as he conceives it, one
+long effacement and suppression of self. For this he receives no
+thanks, no acknowledgment. His spirit becomes crushed, almost
+extinguished. After long years of toiling, struggling, and suffering,
+he is redeemed through the love of a woman, but only when he has
+sacrificed to &quot;Dame Care&quot; all he held most precious, and when the
+capacity in him for joy and hope has been well-nigh destroyed. The
+character portrayed with perfect art is, at the same time, faithful to
+nature: such men are rare, perhaps, but it is well that the novelist
+should remind us of their existence, and thus help us to recognise the
+potency for good that dwells in mankind.</p>
+
+<p class="normal"><i>Der Katzensteg</i> is more powerful but less artistic than <i>Frau Sorge</i>.
+The German critics, however, consider it to be not only the most
+important of Sudermann's writings, but the finest novel produced in
+Germany during this century. The character of the heroine, Regine, a
+veritable child of nature, in whom savagery and lack of intelligence
+and education exist side by side with the nobility and power of
+sacrifice, of which nature in the rough is often capable, forms the
+main interest of the tale, and is a marvellous and original conception.
+There is one scene that for realism, intensity, and horror has scarcely
+been surpassed in any novel of modern times.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Before turning to the short tales in which we find some of Sudermann's
+best and most characteristic work, it would be well to point out one of
+his chief titles to genius. He has the gift of being able to describe
+terrible and heart-stirring scenes, joyful or pathetic or humorous
+scenes, with the utmost simplicity of style. In a few words of the
+simplest sort he brings before our eyes living pictures. Each sentence
+palpitates with life. As we read, we seem to live with the men and
+women of his creation through their agony; we suffer as they do, and
+rejoice with them when they are glad: at times we are breathless as
+they are with suspense and excitement. And this is done without any of
+the analytical introspection with which we have become only too
+familiar in recent novels. The characters, at least in the novels and
+tales, are not mere nervous organisms, but livings loving, erring,
+feeling, human beings. The gift of terse narration joined to great
+simplicity of language is found in French writers like Flaubert and
+Maupassant, but it is new to Germany. It is, then, perhaps, Sudermann's
+highest praise that we can say of him that he possesses the strength
+without the unpleasantness of the great French writers of our day, and
+combines their artistic feeling, their power and their fine wit with
+all that is soundest and best in the Teutonic mind and character.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Many of the short tales are of a less specially German cast, and
+possess an interest that is universal. <i>Der Wunsch</i> (The Wish), for
+instance, is a powerful psychological study, set forth with wonderful
+directness and simplicity. Although the tale deals with the old theme
+of a woman who falls in love with her sister's husband, it is instinct
+with passion and original in treatment. Olga loved her sister Martha
+dearly, and had, indeed, brought about Martha's marriage with Robert
+Hellinger almost by her own efforts, but in so doing had herself,
+though unconsciously, fallen in love with Robert. Martha, always frail
+and delicate, after the birth of her child, falls dangerously ill. Olga
+goes to her to nurse her, and love for her sick sister and passion for
+Robert struggle for mastery in her soul. Thus, into a character
+entirely good, noble, and self-sacrificing, steals the wish, &quot;if only
+she were to die!&quot; In the event Martha does die. Then Robert's eyes are
+opened; he knows that he loves--has all along loved Olga, and he asks
+her to be his wife. At first she refuses, then consents; but the same
+night, having felt all the while that the wish for Martha's death,
+though never expressed by sign or word, makes her in a sense her
+sister's murderer, she puts an end to her life. She herself relates all
+the circumstances in a document written to explain her act to her old
+friend the physician. A couple of quotations will give a better idea of
+Sudermann's style than pages of criticism. In a few marvellous strokes
+he paints the effect on Robert of his first sight of Olga's corpse:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When the elder Hellinger entered the room he saw a picture that froze
+the blood in his veins.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;His son's body lay stretched on the floor. In falling he must have
+clung to the posts of the bier on which they had placed the dead
+woman, thus bringing down the whole erection with him, for on top of
+him--among the broken boards--lay the corpse in its long white shroud,
+the stiffened face on his face, the bare arms thrown over his head.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The scenes in Martha's sick room are portrayed with an art that makes
+them live in our memory. Here is one of them, Martha lies in bed sick
+unto death. Olga and Robert, wearied out with sleepless nights and with
+their terrible anxiety, are watching her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There was absolute silence in the half-darkened room; only the wind
+with gentle rustling, swept past the window, and the mice scratched
+among the rafters of the ceiling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert buried his face in his hands and listened to Martha's dismal
+ravings. Gradually he seemed to grow calmer; his breathing became
+slower and more regular; now and again his head inclined to one side,
+but the next moment he drew it up again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Sleep overpowered him, I wanted to persuade him to go to bed but I was
+feared at the sound of my own voice and kept silent.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The upper part of his body leaned over more and more frequently to one
+side; at times his hair touched my cheek, and groping he sought a
+support.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then suddenly his head sank down on my shoulder and remained
+there.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My body trembled as if an incredible happiness had befallen me, I was
+seized with an irresistible desire to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+over my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads. 'He is
+beginning to get grey,' I thought, 'it is high time that he should know
+what happiness means,' and then I actually stroked his hair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He sighed in his sleep and tried to place his head more comfortably.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He is lying uncomfortably,' I said to myself 'you must get close to
+him.' I did so. His shoulder lay against mine, and his head sank down
+on my bosom.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You must put your arm round him,' something within me cried out,
+'otherwise he cannot find rest!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Twice, thrice, I tried to do so, but as often drew back.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If Martha should suddenly wake! But her eyes saw nothing, her ears
+heard nothing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And I did it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then a wild joy took possession of me, and stealthily I pressed him to
+me; something within me shouted joyously: 'Oh! how I would cherish and
+protect you; how I would kiss away the furrows misery has made in your
+brow, and the cares from your soul! How I would toil for you with all
+my young strength, and never rest till your eyes were fill of gladness,
+and your heart of sunshine. But to do that----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I glanced over at Martha. Yes, she lived, still lived. Her bosom rose
+and sank in short, quick sobs. She seemed more alive than ever.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And suddenly there flamed before me, and it was as if I read written
+clearly on the wall the words:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'If only she were to die!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, that was it, that was it. Oh! if only she were to die! Oh! if
+only she were to die!'&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">We have only to read Jean Ricard's <i>S&#339;
+urs</i>, a novel lately published
+in Paris, and dealing with the same theme, to recognise how very far
+superior is Sudermann's treatment of it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The volume of short tales entitled <i>Im Zwielicht</i> is of a somewhat
+different character. Though coloured to some extent by the melancholy
+and &quot;inevitableness&quot; of the longer novels, those qualities are less
+intense, and we have lively touches of satire and brilliant flashes of
+wit that remind us of the sprightliness of French writers. The tales
+are told in the twilight by one or other of two friends, a man
+and a woman, between whom there exists merely an intellectual
+bond of sympathy and union. The stories laugh good-naturedly at
+narrow-mindedness and silly prejudice, an evil that Sudermann wisely
+recognises as existing everywhere, in the big city as in the small
+village. Women's social aspirations, their immense delight in
+entertaining celebrities, and their belief that in so doing they are
+moving in the stream of the world's history, are satirised with
+keenness and truth. He strikes a deeper note in the tale that sets
+forth the difficulties of friendship and love between a woman of mature
+years and a young man, a subject ably treated by Jean Richepin in his
+fine novel, Madame André, and it is very interesting to note the
+coincidence of view of the French and German writer. Perhaps
+Sudermann's views may help towards a satisfactory solution of that
+ever-recurring will-o'-the-wisp--platonic affection. His heroine
+declares that to turn friendship into love, or love into friendship, is
+impossible, because where such a transformation does take place, there
+must, in the first instance, have been either not friendship or not
+love. &quot;From the day on which we reap love where we sowed friendship,
+the magic charm would be broken,&quot; she says, &quot;Till then I was all and
+everything--then I should be merely one more.&quot; And again, &quot;Love begins
+in the intoxication of the senses, and ends in the peace of calm
+friendship, that is marriage; the contrary is not forbidden, but it
+leads--to the desert.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">In <i>Iolanthe's Hochzeit</i>, Sudermann proves himself the possessor of the
+humour that borders on pathos. The little story has no tendency, it
+preaches no sermon, Onkel Hanckel, &quot;a good fellow (<i>ein guter Kerl</i>) by
+profession,&quot; relates how he had to live up to the title, and how, at
+the mature age of forty-seven, he became, almost against his will,
+engaged to a young girl. His feelings at the wedding ceremony, his
+horror and shyness at the notion of being left alone with his bride
+afterwards, form a most delightful piece of comedy. Pütz, a surly,
+grasping, miserly, rich old man; Lothar, a dashing young lieutenant of
+dragoons; the maiden sister; and Iolanthe herself--are portrayed with a
+quaint humour of which the earlier works gave little indication, while
+the vigour, simplicity, and directness of the narrative are as fine as
+ever. The East Prussian dialect lends the original a local colour that
+would be difficult to reproduce in a translation.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">In his dramas Sudermann treats life very much from the same standpoint
+as Ibsen does. His characters talk a great deal, and do next to
+nothing. He wages war against shams, thinks people should live out
+their own lives and develop their individuality at all hazards. He
+presents abnormal types, men and women who would be abnormal anywhere,
+in civilised society or the reverse, and who must not be taken as
+representative of modern life. Each of the three dramas he has as yet
+given us presents a moral problem to the consideration of the
+spectators.</p>
+
+<p class="normal"><i>Die Ehre</i> was first performed at the Lessing Theatre in Berlin, on
+November 27, 1889, and had an immense success. The dramatist ruthlessly
+and boldly draws aside the curtain from the false ideas of honour held
+by high and low alike, not only by the middle class and proletariat of
+Berlin, but by civilised men in general: such social conventions,
+according to Sudermann, tend to make money-getting the sole aim of the
+citizen, and help to undermine the peace and happiness of family life.
+The revelation is undoubtedly unpleasing, but all the same a great
+truth underlies it, and in the end of the play the virtuous are not
+sacrificed to the wicked. In the speeches of Count Trast, the good
+angel, the god from the machine of the drama, it is not perhaps
+altogether fanciful to see the beliefs and opinions of Sudermann
+himself. Trast's conclusion is that we shall do better to substitute
+duty for the many and varied sorts of honour recognised by society.</p>
+
+<p class="normal"><i>Sodom's Ende</i> is a startling play. Even the Berlin censorship required
+alterations before it could permit the production of the drama on the
+stage of the Lessing Theatre. It still contains one scene that would
+effectually prevent its performance in an English playhouse. The drama
+takes its name from the title of a picture painted by Willy Janowski,
+who bids fair to become a great artist. But he has fallen under the
+influence of Adah Barcinowski, a cold, heartless, pleasure-loving
+woman, the wife of a wealthy stockbroker. That connection and his own
+weak nature have ruined Willy mentally, morally, and physically. He
+ceases to work, leads a life of self-indulgence, heedless of the hurt
+he does to others. The character, unpleasing as it is, is consistently
+drawn by the dramatist, for even in the pangs of death Willy does not
+cease to note the artistic pose taken by the dead body of the girl he
+has injured and betrayed. Never, perhaps, has the worst side of that
+section of frivolous idle society we are accustomed to call &quot;smart&quot;
+been more ably painted: its foolish vapidity, its utter futility, and
+its elegant wickedness and sinfulness, are boldly displayed.
+Unfortunately men and women without conscience, without comprehension
+of duty, have always existed and still exist, but we doubt if their
+evil influence is as far-reaching and all-important as latter-day
+novelists and dramatists would have us believe.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">In his latest play, <i>Heimat</i>, produced January 7, 1893, Sudermann takes
+for theme the duty owed by the child to the parent, and that due from
+parent to child. A high-spirited and talented girl, daughter of
+commonplace, conventional parents, to the scandal of all concerned,
+leaves her home to carve for herself a career in the world, and by
+reason of her fine voice becomes a celebrated singer. After an absence
+of many years chance brings her professionally to her native town, and
+a very natural desire is awakened in her to revisit her parents and her
+home. Her father, whose health had been destroyed through the effects
+of her former disobedience, wishes her to come back provided she
+renounces for ever the life she has been leading. This she has no
+desire to do, but for her father's sake she is not all unwilling to
+yield. When, however, she is further required to break with certain
+ties very dear to her, she refuses, and the father dies from the shock.
+Now when we carefully read the play, or see it acted by competent
+artists, it is clear that much might be said on both sides. But as
+there is nothing in the world more beautiful and holy than the tie that
+binds parent and child, so is the contemplation of conflict between
+them always unlovely. We grant that in the storm and stress of modern
+life such conflict is at times unavoidable, but it is scarcely the
+stuff of which works of art should be formed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">A new play, a comedy, <i>Schmetterling-Schlacht</i> (Butterfly Battle), is
+to be produced shortly at the Hofburg Theatre in Vienna. Again a moral
+problem is to be presented to the consideration of the public. The
+three heroines, honest working girls, paint butterflies on fans for a
+living. Two of the girls, tired of being sweated, give up fan painting;
+they take to painting their faces instead, and practice other
+abominations. The third girl continues her work, and remains virtuous.
+The play chiefly consists of a series of discussions between the girls
+as to which way of life is preferable.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Like his contemporaries, Ibsen and Björnson, Zola and Tolstoi,
+Sudermann would transfer the sermon from the pulpit to the stage: he
+sets before us certain phases of life that have come under his notice
+in all their ugliness and brutality, and would have us forthwith leave
+the theatre sworn enemies of the evils he denounces. But his characters
+are contented to preach and discuss, they never feel that they are
+called upon to act. Thus they lack life and reality, we have little
+sympathy with them, and are never profoundly touched.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">As a writer of fiction, however, Sudermann's high position is
+unassailable. He ranks with the great masters in all countries who have
+sought, and are still seeking, to set before us modern life in its
+manifold aspects, in its complexity and its difficulties, but who,
+unlike the more pronounced school of naturalists, remember Joubert's
+maxim that &quot;fiction has no business to exist unless it is more
+beautiful than reality.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal"><i>August</i>, 1894.</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<h1>THE WISH.</h1>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>I.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">In the old doctor's bedroom a cheerful fire was flickering. He himself
+still lay a-bed, quite penetrated by the delightful sensation of a man
+who knows his life's work is completed. When one has been sitting half
+a century through, for twelve long hours every day, in the rumbling
+conveyance of a country doctor, thumped and bumped along over stones
+and lumps of clay, one may now and again lie in bed till daylight,
+especially when one knows one's work is safe in younger hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He stretched and straightened his stiff old limbs, and once more buried
+in the pillows his weather-beaten, yellowish-grey face, covered with
+white stubble like granite with Iceland moss. But habit, that austere
+mistress, who had for so many years driven him forth from his bed
+before dawn, whether it was necessary or not, would not let him rest
+even now.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He sighed, he yawned, he abused his laziness, and then reached for the
+bell standing on the little table at his bedside.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">His housekeeper, an equally grey, tumble-down specimen of humanity,
+appeared on the threshold.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What time is it, Frau Liebetreu?&quot; he called out to her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Since the day on which the young assistant arrived in Gromowo, the old
+Black Forest clock hanging at the doctor's bedside, and whose rattling
+alarum had often unpleasantly jarred upon his morning slumbers, was no
+longer wound up. &quot;So that I know that my life too henceforth stands
+still,&quot; as he was wont to say.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A quarter to eight, doctor,&quot; the old woman answered, beginning
+meanwhile to busy herself about the stove.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For shame! for shame!&quot; cried he, raising himself up, &quot;what a lazybones
+I am getting to be! I say, have any letters come?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, a few by post, and one that young Mr. Hellinger brought himself
+two hours ago.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Two hours ago! Why, it was dark yet at that time!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes; he said he had to drive out to the manor farm, and could wait no
+longer. Yesterday evening, too, when you were at the 'Black Eagle,'
+sir, he called, and sat here for about two hours.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Why didn't you send for me?&quot; cried the doctor, in the blustering tone
+of voice of old, good-natured grumblers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well, and hadn't he forbidden us to do so?&quot; cried his housekeeper, in
+exactly the same tone of voice, which seemed, however, more an echo of
+her master's manner than personal defiance. &quot;He was sitting in the
+study till ten o'clock--or rather he was not sitting, he raced about
+like a madman, and laughed and talked to himself--I hardly knew the
+calm, quiet man again; and then I brought him beer--six bottles--he
+drained them all; and I had to drink with him. As I tell you, he was
+quite beside himself.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Ah, indeed, indeed,&quot; muttered the old man smiling to himself with
+satisfaction. &quot;I should say Olga had something to do with that. Perhaps
+after all she----. Well, do you intend bringing me my letters to-day,
+or not?&quot; he suddenly shouted, as if he were goodness knows how wild,
+but his face laughed the while. And when his housekeeper had
+grumblingly done his bidding, he drew out with a sure hand from the
+little heap of letters one without a stamp, not deigning to look at the
+others at all. His hands trembled with happy excitement as he unfolded
+the paper; and he read, while his grey face beamed with pleasure:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Dear old Uncle,--You shall be the first to know it. If only I had you
+with me, that I might press your dear old hands and tell you face to
+face what is in my heart! I do not realise it yet--my head whirls when
+I think of it! Uncle, you were at my side in the days of darkest
+trouble, helping and protecting. You were the only one to take Martha's
+part when all--even my parents turned their backs on her with coldness
+and suspicion.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You could not save her for me, uncle--the Lord asked her back of me.
+But when, at the bedside of my dead wife, my reason threatened to give
+way, you took my poor head between your hands and spoke to me--as a
+preacher speaks. And you were right. Of course I do not believe that I
+can ever quite revive and become again as I was before the cares of
+existence and my longing for Martha made my head dull and heavy; for
+even Martha--even my wife--could not accomplish that in the three years
+of our quiet happiness. But life seems about to give me whatever it has
+left for me yet of joy and peace. You know, uncle, how in the midst of
+my sorrow for my dead wife, I learnt to love her sister. Cousin Olga,
+more and more. I confessed all to you, and sought comfort with you when
+tortured by self-reproach at the thought that I was breaking my troth
+to my wife already in the year of mourning. And you said to me at that
+time: 'If the dead woman might seek a second mother for her child, whom
+else would she choose but the sister whom, next to you, she loved best
+in the world?' I was startled to the very depths of my soul, for I
+should never have dared to raise my eyes to her. But you never ceased
+to encourage me, until, a week ago, I took heart and begged her to
+share my fortunes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You know she refused me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She grew deathly pale--then gave me her hand, and standing up rigidly
+said to me: 'Put it from your thoughts, Robert, for I can never be your
+wife.' Then I slunk away, and thought to myself, 'It serves you right
+for your presumption.' And now, to-day----. Uncle, I cannot put it on
+paper!--my hand fails me. This happiness is too great--it came so
+unexpectedly, it almost overpowers me! To-morrow, uncle--to-morrow I
+will tell you all.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I have to go out early to the manor farm. At mid-day I shall return,
+and then forthwith shall undertake the dreaded visit to my parents. My
+mother suspects nothing as yet. Her plans have once again been
+frustrated, and Olga will have to suffer heavily enough for it. I fear
+she may even turn her out of the house. If only I had her already under
+my own roof!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It is three o'clock in the morning. Enough for to-day. Your grateful
+and happy</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert Hellinger.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old doctor wiped a tear from his cheek.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The dear boy,&quot; he murmured. &quot;How his emotions crowd each other in his
+over-heated brain; and how simple, how honest everything is to the last
+jot! In truth, he deserves you, my brave, proud girl; he is the only
+one to whom I do not grudge you. And now I will put you to the test,
+and see if you too put confidence in your old uncle. Straightway I will
+do it.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Laughing and growling he burrowed with his head in the pillows. And
+then he suddenly shouted with a voice resounding through the house like
+thunder:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Confound it, where are my trousers?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The trousers were brought, and five minutes later the old man stood
+quite ready before his glass, all except his greyish-yellow wig.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My hat, cloak, stick!&quot; he shouted out into the corridor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But the breakfast,&quot; the old woman shouted back, if possible louder
+still, from the kitchen.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well, then, hurry up,&quot; he blustered. &quot;Before I have read these letters
+I must have it here.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With an impatient oath he set to work upon the little heap that had so
+far been lying unnoticed on the pedestal. Offers of wine--profitable
+investments--a poor, blind father with a new-born infant--and then
+suddenly he stopped short, while once more a satisfied smile overspread
+his features.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Upon my word! I should not have expected this,&quot; he growled,
+contentedly. &quot;She, too, could not rest without confiding her happiness
+to her old uncle. That is nice of you, children! You shall have your
+reward for this.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With the same happy haste with which he had opened Hellinger's letter,
+he tore this envelope asunder.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">But hardly had he commenced reading when with a low moaning cry he
+staggered back two paces, like one who has been dealt a treacherous
+blow. His grey face became ashy pale; his eyes started from their
+sockets, and like claws his old withered fingers clutched the
+fluttering paper.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">When his housekeeper brought in the coffee, she found her master
+sitting as stiff as a log in the corner of the sofa, his forehead
+covered with great drops of perspiration, and staring with fixed
+lustreless eyes at the paper which his hands still held as if in a
+cramp.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Gracious heavens, doctor!&quot; she cried, and let the tray drop clattering
+on to the table. Her lamentations brought him back to consciousness. He
+asked for water, and drank two long eager draughts, wetted his forehead
+and temples with the remainder, and signed to his housekeeper to leave
+him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Hereupon he bolted the door, picked up the letter from the floor, and
+read with trembling, choking voice:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My dear, my Fatherly Friend,--When you read these lines I shall have
+ceased to live. The draughts of morphium which you gave me when I had
+forgotten how to sleep after Martha's death were carefully collected
+and kept by me; I trust they will be powerful enough to give me peace.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You who have watched over me like a second father, you shall be the
+only one to learn why I have decided to take this terrible step. In
+long winter nights, when the storm shook my gable-roof and I could not
+sleep, I wrote down everything that has been tormenting me for so long,
+and will not let me be at rest till I fall asleep for ever. On my
+bookshelf, hidden behind some volumes of Heine, you will find a blue
+exercise-book. Take it with you, without letting the others notice. And
+when you have read all, go out to my grave and there say a prayer for
+my soul.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;See that I am laid to rest at Martha's side.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I loved her dearly. It is she who is calling me to her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You will understand all when you have read my story. Perhaps you know
+more of my secret than I suspect. I suppose I must have spoken evil
+words during the delirium of my illness, else why should you have sent
+away my relations from my bedside?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Did you shudder at the things that my wretched tongue brought to
+light?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Do you pity me? Do you despise me? No, surely you do not despise me;
+or how could you have bestowed so much love upon me? And now read.
+Everything is set down there. It was not originally intended for you. I
+meant to send it after many years--when we young ones too should have
+grown old--to the man to whom my whole being belongs, so that he might
+know why I once denied myself to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Things have gone differently. To-day, in a moment of forgetfulness, I
+threw myself upon his neck. Too late I comprehended that now escape
+from him was no longer possible. But, rather than be his, I will seek
+death.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And I have yet another request in my heart. It is the request of one
+about to die--if you can, I know you will fulfil it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Keep secret from the world, and especially from the man I love, that I
+took my own life. Let him believe that my happiness killed me. I shall
+destroy everything that might point to suicide; there will only be
+indications that I died of syncope or apoplexy.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;From the depths of my heart I implore you to grant me this one last
+favour. I die gladly and have no fear. It is so long since I slept
+well, that I have need of rest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Olga Bremer.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man felt himself in a state of utter helplessness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He staggered, clenched his fists, beat his brow, and then once more he
+fell back in his chair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;This is madness, utter madness,&quot; he groaned, wiping the cold
+perspiration from his forehead. &quot;Child, what were you thinking of? What
+could cloud your reason like this? My poor, poor, darling child?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then he once more jumped up and groped with trembling fingers for his
+hat and cloak.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;To help! To help!&quot; He must wrest this victim even yet from death's
+hand! That was what absorbed his whole mind at present. For a moment
+the thought came to him that perhaps after all she had not carried out
+her serious intention, but he dismissed it forthwith. He must have had
+a different knowledge of her character, to credit her with a feeling of
+fear or a failing of energy.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">But possibly the dose she had taken was too small, perhaps the
+long period of time--for it was more than a year since Martha
+died in child-bed, and it was then he had given her the sleeping
+draughts--perhaps the long period of time that had elapsed since then
+had weakened the efficacy of the poison. Yes, yes, it was so; it must
+be so! When badly preserved, morphia decomposes and becomes
+ineffectual.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">So forward to the rescue! To save what can be saved!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He ran about the room in search of something: he hardly knew what he
+was seeking. Then once more he grasped the letter.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And what do you ask of me? Child, child, do you think it is such a
+light matter to perjure one's self? To throw aside like rotten eggs the
+duties to which one has been faithful for half a century? Child, you do
+not realise what you are asking of an honest man!&quot; He Held the paper up
+close to his eyes, and once more read the passage: &quot;It is the request
+of one about to die.... From the depths of my heart I implore you to
+grant me this one last favour.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Heavy tears rolled down his weather-beaten cheeks.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It cannot be, child, it cannot be done, however well you may know how
+to plead. And even if I wished to do it, I should betray myself. I am
+an old, weak wreck; I no longer have such control over my features.
+They would notice it at the first glance. But so that you may not have
+asked it--of your old uncle--in vain--I will--at least attempt it--for
+your own sake and Robert's sake you must first of all be saved.
+Confound it all, old fellow, for once more in your life be a man you
+must save her--you must--must--must!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">And as quickly as his stiff old legs would carry him, he rushed
+out--past his housekeeper, who stood listening at the keyhole--out into
+the wintry morning air which a cold drizzling mist filled with damp,
+prickling crystals.</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>II.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">A very picture of perfect serenity and peace of mind the couple
+Hellinger senr. made, as they sat at the breakfast-table. Out of the
+spout of the brass coffee-machine on the brightly-polished body of
+which the fire-flames produced a purple reflection, there rose up thin,
+bluish steam which sank down towards the table in little clouds, cast a
+film over the silver sugar-basin and wreathed the coffee-cups with
+delicate, tiny dewdrops.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mr. Hellinger, with his snow-white, carefully trimmed beard, and
+handsome, rosy, boyish face beaming with good nature and the pleasure
+of living, was leaning back comfortably in the blue chintz armchair,
+his Turkish dressing-gown pulled over his knees, and apparently
+awaiting with calmest resignation whatever fate, in the shape of his
+wife, might be about to bestow upon him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">She (his wife) was just throwing a pinch of soda into the little
+coffee-pot, whereupon she circumstantially wiped her powdery fingers on
+her white damask apron, which was edged in Russian fashion with broad
+red and many coloured stripes. Her white matron's cap, the ribbons of
+which were tightly knotted together like a chin strap under her fleshy
+chin, had shifted somewhat towards the left ear, and from out its
+frilly frame there shone, full of energy and enterprise, her coarse,
+comfortable, sergeant-like face, whose features were rather puffed out,
+as is often observable in old women who like to share their husband's
+glass of brandy.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">One could see that she was accustomed to rule and to subdue, and even
+the smile of constant injured feeling that played about her broad mouth
+went to prove how inconsiderately she was wont to carry through her
+plans.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">So that she might not sit unoccupied while waiting for the coffee to
+draw, she took up her coarse woollen knitting, which, in her capacity
+of president of the ladies' society and directress of the charity
+organisation, was never allowed to leave her hands, and the needles ran
+with remarkable rapidity through her bony, work-used fingers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Have you heard nothing from Robert, Adalbert?&quot; she asked, with a hard
+metallic voice, which must have penetrated the house to its last
+corner.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The question appeared to be unpleasant to the old man. He shook his
+head as if he would shake it off; it disturbed his morning
+tranquillity.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;An affectionate son, one must say,&quot; she continued, and the injured
+smile grew in intensity. &quot;Since a week we have neither heard nor seen
+anything of him; if he lived in the moon he could not come more
+rarely.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mr. Hellinger muttered something to himself, and busied himself with
+his long pipe.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It looks as if something were brewing again in that quarter,&quot; she
+began anew; &quot;he has altogether been so peculiar lately; come slinking
+round me without a word to say for himself. It seems to me there is
+some debt hanging over him again that he can't satisfy.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Poor fellow,&quot; said the old man, and smacked his lips, perhaps to get
+rid of the unpleasant idea by this means.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Poor fellow, indeed!&quot; she mocked him; &quot;I suppose you pity him into the
+bargain; perhaps even you have been helping him on the sly?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He raised up his white, well-kept hands in protest and defence of
+himself, but he had not the courage to look her in the face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Adalbert,&quot; she said, threateningly, &quot;I make it a condition that such a
+thing does not happen again. Whatever you give him, you take from us
+and from our other children. And if at least he deserved it! but he
+that will not hear advice must suffer. If he is ruined, with his
+obstinacy and stubbornness----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Allow me, Henrietta,&quot; he interrupted her timidly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I allow nothing, Adalbert, my dear,&quot; replied she. &quot;'He that will not
+hearken to advice must suffer!' say I; and if through his abominable
+ingratitude his poor mother, who is only anxious for his welfare, and
+who bothers and worries herself whole nights through, thinking----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With the many-coloured border of her apron she rubbed her eyes as if
+there were tears there to be wiped away.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But, Henrietta,&quot; he began again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Adalbert, do not contradict me! You know I close an eye to all your
+follies. I allow you to sit as long as ever you like at the 'Black
+Eagle'; I let you drink as much as ever you can do with of that bad,
+expensive claret. I even put your supper ready for you when you come
+home late though it is hardly necessary that you should on such
+occasions upset three chairs, as you did yesterday. I consider
+altogether that you have very little regard for the feelings of your
+old and faithful wife. But--yes, what I was going to say is--that, once
+for all, I will not have you meddle with my plans: as it is you
+understand nothing of such matters. Have you, altogether, any idea of
+all I have done already for that good-for-nothing Robert? I have run
+about, and driven about, made calls, and written letters, and Heaven
+knows what else. Five or six well-to-do--nay, very wealthy girls I
+have, so to say, brought ready to his hand, any of whom he could have
+had for the taking. But what did he do? Well, I should think you still
+remember how I was seized with convulsions when, four years ago, he
+arrived with that miserable, delicate creature, Martha? My whole
+illness dates from then.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But, Henrietta!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My dear Adalbert, I beg of you, do not again harp upon the same old
+string about her being my own flesh and blood! If she wished to be a
+loving and grateful niece to me, why did she not bring the necessary
+dowry with her? She had nothing--of course she had nothing! My departed
+brother died as poor as a church mouse. Is that fitting for one of
+my family? But after all--he had a right to do as he liked with his
+own--what business is it of mine? Only he need not have saddled us with
+his daughter.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well, but she is dead now,&quot; remarked Herr Hellinger.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, she is dead,&quot; replied she, and folded her hands. &quot;It were a sin
+to say, thank God for that. But as our Lord has so ordained it, I will
+at least profit by the circumstance, and endeavour to rectify his folly
+of then. While you were sitting in the 'Black Eagle,' drinking your
+claret, I was once more toiling and moiling and inquiring round, so
+that he has but to pick and choose. There is Gertrude Leuzmann; will
+get fifty thousand cash down and as much more when the old man dies.
+There is that little von Versen; very young yet certainly--only just
+confirmed--but she will get even more! And besides these, at least
+three or four others! But what do you imagine he will say to it all?
+'Mother,' he will say, 'if you start that theme again, you will never
+more set sight on me.' Was ever such a thing heard of? He has only to
+marry the second sister now in place of the other one, to bring his
+good old mother to her grave! By the by where can the young lady be
+to-day? It is nearly nine o'clock, and she has not yet appeared. In my
+brother's Bohemian home it may very probably have been the fashion to
+lie a-bed till noon; but in my well-ordered household, I beg to say,
+most emphatically and politely, I will not have it, Adalbert.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I cannot conceive, dear Henrietta,&quot; he said, &quot;why you heap reproaches
+upon me which are meant for your niece!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If only for once you would not take her part, Adalbert. But, of
+course, there is nothing left for me to say. I am duped and betrayed in
+my own house! However, I shall very soon put an end to the matter. I
+have kept her here now for a whole year; now she begins to be very much
+<i>de trop</i>.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But does she not toll and moil in Robert's household from early morn
+till late at night? Does a day pass on which she does not betake
+herself to the manor farm? Do not be unjust towards her, Henrietta.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">She gave him a pitying look.
+&quot;If you had not remained such a child, Adalbert, one might talk reason
+to you. Don't you see that that is just where the danger lies? Don't
+you imagine that she has her reasons for flaunting about every day at
+the manor and for behaving herself as mistress there before him and the
+servants? Ah--she--she is a deep one--is my niece Olga. Be sure she has
+done her part towards getting him accustomed to the idea that she--and
+she alone--has a right to the place of her dead sister. What else
+should she be looking for, day after day, at the manor, if it is not
+that?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I should think Martha's child is sufficient explanation.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Of course, of course! Any nursery tale is good enough to impose upon
+you! She knows exactly why she behaves as she does, and why she is
+almost ready to eat up the poor little mite for very love. She knows
+exactly how to find the way to its father's heart!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But perhaps she does not love him at all,&quot; old Hellinger interposed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">She laughed out loud.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My dear Adalbert, a man who owns an estate just outside the town-gates
+is always loved by a poor girl, and if I do not make an end now and
+send her about her business, it may very possibly come to pass that our
+dear Robert will take her by the hand one fine day and say to us,
+'Here, papa and mamma, now be good enough to give us your blessing.'
+And rather than live to see that, Adalbert----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">At this moment the sound of lumbering male steps was audible in the
+entrance-hall; directly after these came a loud and violent knock at
+the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well!&quot; said Mrs. Hellinger, &quot;some one is making a noise as if the
+bailiffs were outside--we have not got as far as that yet.&quot; And very
+slowly and deliberately she said, &quot;Come in.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old doctor stepped into the room. His hat sat awry at the back of
+his head, his necktie hung loose over his shoulders, and his chest
+heaved as with breathless running. He forgot his &quot;Good-morning&quot;
+greeting, and only gave a wild, searching glance around.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Good heavens, doctor!&quot; cried Mr. Hellinger, senr., hastening towards
+him, &quot;why, you burst in upon us like a bull into a china-shop.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mrs. Hellinger once more assumed her injured air, and muttered
+something about pot-house manners.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">When the old doctor saw the undisturbed breakfast-table and the
+astonished, every-day faces of his friends, he let himself drop into
+an armchair with a sigh of relief. Then it had not taken place after
+all--this terrible thing! But next moment his fears took possession of
+him anew.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Where is Olga?&quot; he faltered, and fixed his gaze on the door as if he
+might see her enter there any moment.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Olga?&quot; said Mrs. Hellinger, shrugging her shoulders. &quot;My goodness, she
+probably will be here shortly. Are you in such a hurry?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;God be praised!&quot; cried he, folding his hands. &quot;Then she has been down
+already?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No--not so,&quot; remarked Mrs. Hellinger, &quot;her ladyship thinks well to
+sleep somewhat long this morning.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For God's sake,&quot; he cried, &quot;has no one looked after her? Does no one
+know anything of her?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Doctor, what ails you?&quot; cried old Hellinger, who was now beginning to
+be alarmed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician may at this moment have recollected the request with
+which Olga's letter of farewell had closed. He felt that in this way
+his desire to comply with her request would, from the very first,
+become impossible, and made a last wretched attempt to preserve the
+secret.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What ails me?&quot; he faltered, with a miserable laugh. &quot;Nothing ails
+me!--What should ail me? Confound it all!&quot; And then, casting aside all
+dissimulation, he cried out: &quot;My God! my God! Thou hast permitted this
+terrible thing! Thou hast withdrawn Thy hand from her.&quot; And he was
+about to sink down weeping, but he once more gathered up all the energy
+still remaining in his rickety old body, raised himself bolt upright,
+and--&quot;Come to Olga,&quot; he said, &quot;and do not be terrified--however--you
+may--find her.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Old Hellinger grew pale, and his wife commenced to scream and sob; she
+clung to the doctor's arm, and wished to know what had happened; but he
+spoke no further word.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">So they all three climbed up the stairs leading to Olga's gable-room,
+and in the entrance-hall the servants collected and stared after them
+with great, inquisitive eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Before Olga's door Mrs. Hellinger was seized with a paroxysm of
+despair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You knock, doctor,&quot; she sobbed, &quot;I cannot.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man knocked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">All remained quiet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He knocked again, and put his ear to the keyhole.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">As before.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then Mrs. Hellinger began to scream:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Olga, my beloved, my dear child, do open--we are here--your uncle and
+aunt and old uncle doctor are here. You may open without fear, my
+love.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician pressed the latch; the door was locked. He looked through
+the key-hole; it was stopped up.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Have the locksmith fetched, Adalbert,&quot; he said.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No,&quot; cried Mrs. Hellinger, suddenly casting all sorrow to the winds,
+&quot;that I shall not permit--that will on no account be done. The disgrace
+would be too great: I could never survive it--such a disgrace--such a
+disgrace!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The doctor gave her a look of unmistakable loathing and contempt. She
+took little notice of it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You are strong, Hellinger,&quot; she said, &quot;bear up against the door;
+perhaps you may succeed in breaking the lock.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mr. Hellinger was a giant. He set one of his powerful shoulders against
+the woodwork, which at the first pressure began to crack in its joints.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But softly,&quot; his wife admonished, &quot;the servants are standing in the
+entrance-hall. Be off with you into the kitchen, you lazy beggars!&quot; she
+shouted scolding down the stairs.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Down below doors banged. A second push----one of the boards broke right
+through the middle. Through the splintry chink a bright ray of daylight
+broke through into the semi-dark corridor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Let me look through,&quot; said the doctor, who now, in anticipation of the
+worst, was calm and collected.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Hellinger broke off a few splinters, so that through the aperture the
+whole room could be overlooked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Opposite the door, a few paces removed from the window, stood the bed.
+The coverlet was dragged up, and formed a white hillock behind which a
+strip of Olga's light brown hair shone forth. A small portion of the
+forehead was also visible--white as the bed-clothes it gleamed. The
+feet were uncovered; they seemed to have been firmly set against the
+foot end of the bed and then to have relaxed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">By the pillow, on a chair, lay her clothes neatly folded. Her skirts,
+her stockings, were laid one upon the other in perfect symmetry, and on
+the carpet stood her slippers, with their heels turned towards the bed,
+so as to be quite ready for slipping into on rising.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">On the marble slab of the pedestal, half leaning against the lamp, lay
+a book, still open, as if it had been placed there before extinguishing
+the light. Over everything there seemed to rest a shimmer of that
+serene, unconscious peace which irradiates a pure maiden's soul. She
+who dwelt here had fallen asleep yesterday with a prayer on her lips,
+to awaken to-day with a smile.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">After the physician had held silent survey, he stepped back from the
+aperture.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Put your arm through, Adalbert,&quot; he said, &quot;and try to reach the lock.
+She has bolted the door from the inside.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">But Mrs. Hellinger squeezed herself up against the door, and with loud
+cries implored her sweet one to wake up and draw the bolt herself. At
+last it was possible to push her on one side, and the door was opened.
+The three stepped up to the bedside.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">A marble-white countenance, with lustreless, half-open eyes, and an
+ecstatic smile on its lips, met their gaze. The beautiful head, with
+its classic, refined features, was slightly bowed towards the left
+shoulder, and the unbound hair fell down in great shining waves upon
+the regal bust, over which the nightdress was torn. A white button with
+a shred of linen attached, which hung in the buttonhole, was the only
+sign that a state of excitement must have preceded slumber.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My sweet one, you are sleeping, are you not?&quot; sobbed Mrs. Hellingen
+&quot;Say that you are sleeping! You cannot have brought such disgrace upon
+your aunt, your dear aunt, who cared for you and watched over you like
+her own child.&quot; With that she seized the unconscious girl's pale,
+pendant, white hand, and endeavoured to drag her up by it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Her tender-hearted husband had covered his face with his hands, and was
+weeping. The physician gave himself no time for emotion. He had pulled
+out his instruments, pushed Mrs. Hellinger aside with scant politeness,
+and was bending over the bosom, which with one rapid touch he entirely
+freed of its covering.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">When he rose up, every drop of blood had left his face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One last attempt,&quot; he said, and made a quick incision straight across
+the upper arm, where an artery wound itself in a bluish line through
+the white, gleaming flesh. The edges of the wound gaped open without
+filling with blood; only after some seconds a few sluggish, dark drops
+oozed forth.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then the old man threw the shining little knife far from him, folded
+his hands and--struggling with his tears--uttered a prayer.</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>III.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">On the afternoon of the same day, a light one-horse cabriolet sped over
+the common which extends across country for several miles northwards of
+Gromowo, and in the direction of the little town.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Dark and lowering, as if within reach of one's hand, the clouds lay
+over the level plain. Here and there a willow stump stretched its
+gnarled excrescences into the fog-laden air, all saturated with
+moisture and glistening with the drops which hung in long rows on its
+bare branches. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road, winding along
+between withered reed-grass, and often the water splashed up as high as
+the box-seat.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The man who held the reins took little heed of the surrounding
+landscape; quite lost in thought he sat huddled up, only occasionally
+starting up when the reins threatened to slip from his careless
+fingers. Then the herculean build of his limbs became apparent, and his
+broad, high-arched chest expanded as if it would burst the coarse grey
+cloak which stretched across it in scanty folds.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The man's stature was similar to that of old Hellinger, perhaps even
+superior, and the face, too, bore an undeniable family resemblance; but
+what had there remained pleasing and soft and undefined even in old
+age, had here developed into harsh, impressive lines, testifying to
+defiance and gloomy brooding. A curly, terribly-neglected beard in dark
+disorder encompassed the firm-set jaw, assumed a lighter dye near the
+corners of the mouth, and fell upon the breast in two fair points.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">This was Robert Hellinger, the owner of Gromowo manor, Olga's
+betrothed. Of the happiness that had come to him yesterday there was
+little written in his face. His grey, half-veiled eyes stared moodily
+into the distance, and the wrinkles between his eyebrows never for one
+moment disappeared. He well knew that hard work was in store for him
+before he could lead home his bride--hours of bitterest struggle were
+imminent, and even victory would bring him nothing but care and
+anxiety. His thoughts travelled back over the dark times that lay in
+the past, and that had hardly ever been illumined by a ray of light.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">It was now six years since his father had solemnly made over to him, as
+eldest son, the old family inheritance, the manor, and had himself
+retired to a comfortable quiet life in the little town. On this day
+his period of suffering had commenced, for he was burdened with a
+yoke so heavy that even his herculean shoulders threatened to break
+under its weight; everything he gained by the work of his sinewy
+hands--everything of which he positively pinched himself--melted away
+and was swallowed up by the claims which his family laid upon him. He
+had no right to complain. Was it not all according to strict law? The
+inheritance had been exactly divided to the very last farthing among
+him and his six brothers and sisters, not counting the reserve which
+his parents claimed for themselves.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Every brick of his house, every clod of his land, was encumbered--on
+every ear of corn ripening in his fields his mother's suspicious gaze
+was fixed, for she kept strict watch lest the interests should come in
+a minute late. And was she not justified in so doing? Had he a right to
+claim more love from her than she gave to her other children? There
+were brothers who wanted to make their way in the world; sisters who
+had only been married for the sake of their dowry: they all looked
+anxiously and eagerly towards him as the promoter and preserver of
+their happiness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The interests! That was the dreadful word that henceforth hour by hour
+droned in his ears, that by night startled him from his sleep and
+filled his dreams with wild visions. The interests! How often on their
+account he had beaten his brow with clenched fists! How often he had
+run without sense or feeling through the loamy fields, to escape from
+this host of glinting, gleaming devils! How often in a blind fit of
+rage he had smashed to pieces some tool, a ploughshare, a waggon-pole,
+with his fist, as if he did not mind with what weapon he fought them!
+But they did not leave him. All the more tenaciously did they fasten
+themselves on to his heels; all the more thirstily did they suck the
+marrow from his young bones.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">What good was it that he sometimes succeeded in mastering them? This
+hydra everlastingly brought forth new heads; from quarter to quarter it
+stood there before his terrified gaze, more and more monstrous, more
+and more gigantic, growing and swelling, ready to pounce upon him and
+crush him with the weight of its body. Thus from one reprieve to the
+next his life had dragged along since that day which was so merrily
+celebrated at the &quot;Black Eagle&quot; with drinking of claret and champagne.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">If only his mother had exercised some leniency! But she did not even
+exempt him from the stipulated asparagus in spring, nor even from the
+loan of the carriage for drives during harvest-time when the horses
+were so badly wanted in the fields.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He that will not hearken to advice must suffer,&quot; she was wont to say,
+and he would not hearken; no, indeed not! With one short, simple &quot;yes&quot;
+he might have put a stop to all his misery, might have lived in the lap
+of luxury to the end of his days; and because he would not do it, out
+of sheer, inconceivable stubbornness, because all her wife-hunting had
+been to no purpose--that was why his mother could not forgive him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Thus two years passed away. Then he began to feel that such a life must
+sooner or later make a wreck of him. This anxiety and worry was
+exhausting him more and more; he decided to put an end to it all and to
+demand of fate that modest share of happiness which was pledged and
+promised to him by a pair of faithful blue eyes, and a pale, gentle
+mouth. Then came a day when he brought home, as wife to his hearth, the
+love of his youth, who had shortly become orphaned and homeless.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">It was a dreary, sad November day, and dark clouds sped like birds of
+ill omen across the sky. Trembling and pale, in her black mourning
+dress, the frail, delicate creature hung on his arm and quaked beneath
+every half-compassionate, half-contemptuous glance with which the
+strange people examined her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">As for his mother, she had received her with reproaches and
+maledictions, and a year had elapsed before tolerable relations were
+established between the two.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Martha had kept up bravely, and in spite of her delicate health, had
+worked from morn to night in order to set to rights what had all gone
+topsy-turvy during the master's long bachelorhood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">And when, after three years of quiet, cheering companionship. Heaven
+was about to bless their union, she had--even when her condition
+already required the greatest care--always been up and doing, working
+and ordering in kitchen, attic, and cellar.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">It almost seemed as if thus by labour she wanted to give an equivalent
+for her missing dowry.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then--two days after the birth of a child--Olga had suddenly arrived in
+Gromowo. He had not seen her since his marriage. At first sight of her
+he was almost startled. She came towards him with an expression of such
+proud reserve and bitterness; she had blossomed forth to such regal
+beauty.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">And this woman he was to-day to call his own! Yet what a world of
+suffering, how many days of gloomiest brooding and despair, how many
+nights full of horrible visions lay between now and then!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He shuddered; he did not like to recall it any more. To-day everything
+seemed to have turned out well; Martha's glorified image smiled down in
+peace and benediction, and, like a flower sprung from her grave,
+happiness was blooming anew for him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Nearer and nearer came the turrets of the little town; higher and
+higher they stretched up behind the alder thickets. And a quarter of an
+hour later the carriage drove into the roughly-paved street.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Soon after entering the gates Robert made the discovery that people who
+met him to-day behaved towards him in the most peculiar manner. Some
+avoided him, others in evident confusion doffed their caps and then as
+quickly as possible fled from his presence. On the other hand, the
+windows of every house past which the carriage drove, filled with heads
+that stared at him gravely and disappeared hurriedly behind the
+curtains at his greeting.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He shook his head doubtfully. But as his mind was so full of the
+approaching struggle, he took not much notice, and henceforth looked
+neither to the right nor to the left. At the corner of the marketplace,
+where there used to be the little excise-office, stood his uncle's, the
+doctor's, old housekeeper, holding her hands hidden under her blue
+apron, and with an expression on her face like that of an undertaker.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">As the carriage approached, she signed to him to stop.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well, Mrs. Liebetreu,&quot; he said, amused, &quot;you at least do not take to
+your heels at my approach to-day.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old woman gazed up at the sky, so that she might not have to look
+him in the face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh! young master,&quot; said she--he was always called &quot;young master,&quot; to
+distinguish him from his father, though he was long past thirty--&quot;the
+doctor wishes me to ask if you will kindly just step round there first;
+he has something to say to you.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Is what he has to say to me very pressing?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The woman was very much terrified, for she thought the unhappy
+intelligence would now fall to her lot to tell.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh, gracious me!&quot; she said; &quot;he only put it like that.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Well, then, give my kindest regards to my uncle the doctor, and the
+message, that I only just wanted first to have a little talk with my
+parents--he knows what about--and will then come round to him at once.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old woman muttered something, but the words stuck in her throat.
+The carriage rolled on in the direction of old Hellinger's villa,
+that lay there under mighty old lime-trees, as if resting beneath a
+canopy. The bright plate-glass windows greeted him cheerily, the
+shining tiled roof gleamed in the light, the tranquillity of a
+well-provisioned old age rested, as usual, over all. He tied his horse
+to the garden-railings, and strode with heavy, noisy tread up the
+small flight of steps, on the parapet of which, in wide-bellied urns,
+half-faded aster plants mournfully drooped their heads.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The hall-bell sounded in shrill tones through the house, but no one put
+in an appearance to receive him. He threw down his rain-soaked cloak on
+one of the oak chests in which his mother's linen treasures were hidden
+away. Then he stepped into the sitting-room--it was empty.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The old people are probably taking their afternoon nap,&quot; he muttered;
+&quot;and I think it will be advisable to let them have their sleep out
+to-day.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He flung himself into a corner of the sofa, and gazed towards the door;
+for he privately hoped that Olga might have noticed his conveyance in
+front of the house, and would come down to shake hands with him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He began to get impatient. &quot;Can she have gone out to the manor?&quot; he
+asked himself But, no--she would not do that; for she knew he would
+come to speak to his parents.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I will knock at her door,&quot; he decided, and got up.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He smiled anxiously, and stretched his mighty limbs. After having
+longed for her incessantly since yesterday evening, now, at the moment
+of beholding her again, he was filled with a peculiar fear of facing
+her. The feeling of humble reverence, which always took possession of
+him in her presence, now again made itself evident. Was it possible
+that this woman had yesterday hung upon his neck? And what if she
+regretted it to-day--if she went back from her word?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">But at this moment all his defiance awoke within him. He opened his
+arms wide, and with a smile which reflected the memory of happy hours
+recently lived through, he cried:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Let her but dare such a thing! With these hands of mine I will lift
+her up and carry her to my home! If Martha gives her consent, I wonder
+who should object.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">On tip-toe, so as not to wake his parents, he climbed up the stairs,
+which nevertheless creaked and groaned under the weight of his body.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Before Olga's door he started back, for he saw the gleam of light which
+fell through the broken panel on to the corridor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">No one answered to his knocking. Nevertheless, he entered.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">A moment later the whole house trembled in its foundations, as if the
+roof had fallen in.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The two old people, who had retired to their bedroom to recuperate
+their strength after those trying hours of the forenoon, started up in
+terror. They called the maids. But these had run off, so that the town
+should no longer be kept in ignorance of the newest details about the
+sad occurrence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You go up,&quot; said the energetic woman to her husband, and tremblingly
+put out her hand for the little bottle of sulphuric ether which she
+always kept at hand. It was the first time in her life that she felt
+frightened.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">When old Hellinger entered the gable-room, he saw a sight which froze
+the blood in his veins.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">His son's body lay stretched on the ground. As he fell he must have
+clutched the supports of the bier on which the dead girl had been
+placed, and dragged down the whole erection with him; for on the top of
+him, between the broken planks, lay the corpse, in its long white
+shroud, its motionless face upon his face, its bared arms thrown over
+his head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">At this moment he regained consciousness, and started up. The dead
+girl's head sank down from his, and bumped on to the floor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert, my boy!&quot; cried the old man, and rushed towards him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With wide-open, glassy eyes, Robert stared about him. He seemed not yet
+to have recovered his senses. Then he perceived one of the arms, which,
+as the body dropped sidewards, had fallen right across his chest. His
+gaze travelled along it up to the shoulder, as far as the neck--as far
+as the white rigidly-smiling face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Supported by the old man's two arms, he raised himself up. He tottered
+on his legs like a bull that has received a blow from an axe.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Good God, boy, do come to your senses!&quot; cried his father, taking him
+by his shoulders. &quot;The misfortune has taken place; we are men, we must
+keep our composure.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">His son looked at him vacantly, helplessly as a child. Then he bent
+over the dead body, lifted it up, and laid it across the bed, pushing
+the fragments of the bier to one side with his foot.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then he seated himself close to her on the pillow, and mechanically
+wound a coil of her flowing hair round his finger.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man began to entertain fears of his son's sanity.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert,&quot; he said, coming close up to him again, &quot;pull yourself
+together. Come away from here; you cannot bring her back to life
+again.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then he broke into a laugh so shrill and horrible, that it froze the
+very marrow in his father's bones.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">All of a sudden his stupor left him; he jumped up, his eyes glowed, and
+on his temples the veins swelled up.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Where is mother?&quot; he screamed, advancing towards the old man.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He sought to pacify him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Good heavens! do have patience! We will tell you all.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old lady, who had already been standing for a long time listening
+on the stairs, at this moment put in her head at the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He rushed past his father and at her as if about to strangle her;
+but he had at least so much reason left as to be sensible of the
+monstrousness of his proceeding. His arms fell down limp at his
+sides--he set his teeth as if to choke down his pent-up rage. &quot;Mother,&quot;
+said he, &quot;you shall account to me for this. I demand an explanation of
+you. Why did she die?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old woman came towards him with tender compassion, and made as if
+she would burst into tears upon his neck.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With a rough movement he shook her off.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Leave that, mother,&quot; he said, &quot;I claim her from you!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But, Robert,&quot; whined the old woman, &quot;is this the way for a son to
+treat his mother? Adalbert, just tell him how he ought to treat his
+mother!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He took hold of the old man's hands. &quot;You keep out of the game,
+father,&quot; he said. &quot;The account which I have to settle to-day with my
+mother concerns us two alone. Mother, I ask you once more: why did
+she die?&quot; He was leaning against the wall and stared at her with
+half-closed, blood-shot eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mrs. Hellinger had meanwhile commenced to cry.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Do you suppose I know?&quot; she sobbed; &quot;do you suppose anybody at all
+knows? We found her in her bed, that is all. She has brought disgrace
+upon our house, the miserable creature, in return for----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Do not abuse her, mother,&quot; he said, wildly, speaking in an angry
+undertone; &quot;you know very well that she was my bride!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">His mother gave vent to a cry of astonishment, and her husband too made
+a movement of surprise.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What! you do not know that? Mother,&quot; he cried, and pressed both his
+fists to his temples, &quot;did she say nothing to you? Did she not come to
+you last night, and tell you what had taken place between her and me
+during the day?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Heaven forbid!&quot; groaned the old woman. &quot;Scarce a syllable did she
+speak to me, but went and locked herself up in her room.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Mother,&quot; he said, and stepped close up to her. &quot;When she had confessed
+all to you, did you not work upon her conscience? Did you not impress
+it upon her that if she truly loved me she must give me up, that she
+would bring misfortune upon me, and Heaven knows what besides! Mother,
+did you not do this?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My own son does not believe me! My own son gives me the lie,&quot;
+whimpered the old woman. &quot;These are the thanks that I get from my
+children to-day.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He grasped her right hand. &quot;Mother,&quot; he said, &quot;you have done me many a
+wrong in all these years. The worst and bitterest I ever experienced
+came to me through you.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Merciful Heavens,&quot; shrieked the old woman, &quot;these are the
+thanks--these are the thanks!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But all the evil you did to me and Martha I will forgive you, mother,&quot;
+he continued, &quot;nay, more even! On my bended knees I will ask your
+forgiveness for ever having harboured a bitter thought against you; but
+one thing you must do for me--here by her dead body you must swear that
+you knew of nothing, that in all things you were speaking the truth.&quot;
+And he dragged her to the corpse that stared up at him with its
+ecstatic smile--a bride's smile to her bridegroom.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;That such a thing should be necessary between us,&quot; complained the old
+woman, and cast a glance of bitter hatred at him out of her swollen
+eyes. But she suffered him to lay her right hand on the dead girl's
+forehead; she stroked it and sobbed, &quot;I swear it, my sweet one, you
+know best that I knew nothing and never required anything wrong of
+you.&quot; Thereupon she gave a sigh of relief, as if she had suddenly come
+to understand what a gain this tragic deed would mean for her and her
+family. Sincere gratitude lay in the tender caress with which she
+fondled the dead face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">At this moment the old physician came rushing into the room. He had
+hoped to overtake Robert and prepare him for the worst, and saw in
+terror that he had come too late.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Old Hellinger hurried towards him and whispered in his ear: &quot;Take him
+away, he is out of his senses! We can do nothing with him here!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert stood there clutching at the bed-posts, his chest heaving, his
+face as if turned to stone with gloomy, tearless misery.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old doctor rubbed his stubbly grey beard against his shoulder, and
+growled in that roughly compassionate way which goes quickest to the
+hearts of strong men.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Come away, my boy; don't do anything foolish; do not disturb her
+rest.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert started and nodded several times.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then suddenly--as if overpowered by his misery--he fell down in front
+of the bed and cried out, &quot;Wherefore didst thou die?&quot;</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>IV.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">Wherefore had she died?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">This question henceforth puzzled the whole town completely. In the
+streets--at the tea-table, on the alehouse benches--it was the one
+topic for discussion. People indulged in the most out-of-the-way
+surmises, the most hazardous conjectures were put forward, and still no
+one was one whit the wiser. Some spoke of an unhappy, others of an
+over-happy love affair, and others again declared that they had always
+predicted that she would not come to a good end.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">During her life-time already, her proud, taciturn, reserved nature had
+been a riddle to the good homely townfolk; now her death was a still
+greater riddle to them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Meanwhile it had got about that the physician had been the first to
+receive news of the suicide, and the only one to whom she herself had
+confided her intention. People crowded up to him; they almost stormed
+his house; but he persisted in his silence. With all the bluffness of
+which he was so particularly capable, he sent the importunate
+questioners about their business. Olga's letter he had on the very
+same day committed to the flames, for he feared that a court of law
+might require it of him. As for the rest, the cause of death was so
+evident that even a post-mortem examination could be dispensed with.
+As might have been expected, the dead girl had not succeeded in
+absolutely removing every trace of her deed. In the glass standing on
+her night-table were found, adhering to its sides, drops of a fluid
+whose flavour proved, even to a non-expert, that here a solution of
+morphia was in question. The chain of evidence became complete when in
+the garden, embedded under some hawthorn bushes, were found fragments
+of glass bottles, to the necks of which a portion of the poisonous
+solution still adhered in white crystallised streaks. They had
+evidently been thrown out of the window, and still bore labels giving
+the date of the prescription and directions for taking.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">As matters stood, it would have been simple madness on the doctor's
+part if he had dared to attempt to hush up the suicidal intention; for
+even carelessness in taking the sleeping draught was quite out of the
+question.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Nevertheless, he was tormented by the idea that he had been unable to
+carry out the dying girl's last request, and he faithfully promised
+himself that he would all the more truly at least keep the secret which
+she had wrapped round her motives for the unhappy deed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">If only he himself could see his way clear at last! The days passed by,
+however, and still he could not succeed in taking possession of the
+legacy which Olga had left to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mrs. Hellinger, senior, mistrusted him; she told him openly to his face
+that he had always had some secret understanding with the dead girl,
+and behind his back she added that if he had not prescribed such
+unreasonably strong solutions of morphia, Olga would have been alive
+and happy for a long time to come. She almost went so far as to ascribe
+the blame of her niece's death to their old family friend.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">At any rate she did not permit him henceforth to remain for one second
+alone in the dead girl's room. She kept the door carefully locked, and
+declared she would not suffer the dead girl's belongings, which to her
+were sacred relics, to be defiled by the touch of strange hands, or by
+strange glances.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Thus from hour to hour there was increasing danger that the book, in
+which Olga had written down her confessions, might fall into the old
+woman's hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">She need only take it into her head one day to rummage among the little
+collection of volumes which filled the book-shelf, and the mischief was
+done.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Added to this anxiety, which drove the old doctor daily to the
+Hellingers' house, came his growing uneasiness about Robert who, since
+that disastrous hour, had fallen a prey to blank, despairing lethargy.
+He seemed absolutely deprived of the power of speech, would endure no
+one near him, and even taciturnly shunned and avoided him, his old
+friend; by day he roamed about in the fields, by night he sat by his
+child's cot, and stared down upon it with burning, reddened eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">So said the servants, who three times had found him in the morning in
+this position.</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>V.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">The lights round Olga's coffin had burnt down.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The guests, who for so long had surrounded the bier in solemn silence,
+began to move to and fro, and to look round for refreshments.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mrs. Hellinger, who was receiving condolences, and at the same time,
+with a great profusion of tears and pocket handkerchiefs, extolling the
+virtues of the deceased, suddenly, in the midst of her grief, proved
+herself an attentive and liberal hostess. The guests gave a sigh of
+relief when the doors of the dining-room were thrown open, and from the
+resplendent table a sweet odour of roast meats, <i>compôtes</i> and herring
+salad greeted them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Mr. Hellinger, senior, praised the Lord, and with a few privileged
+friends, drank the specially fine claret which he set before them in
+honour of the occasion. They were not yet agreed whether an innocent
+game of cards would be disparaging to the general mourning, and decided
+to send delegates to the hostess to obtain her permission.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">There was plenty of life and bustle in the Hellingers' house--one might
+have imagined one were at a wedding.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician, who dropped in late upon this merry company, looked
+about anxiously for Robert. He was nowhere to be seen.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Thereupon he took one of the guests aside and inquired after him. Yes,
+he had been there, had looked about him with startled eyes, and had
+silently moved aside when any one wanted to shake hands with him. But
+after a very few minutes his disappearance had been noticed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician went into the entrance-hall, and hunted among the guests'
+wraps for Robert's cloak. It was lying there yet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">With the freedom of an old friend of the family, he then commenced his
+search through the back rooms of the house, which were quiet and
+deserted; for the servants were busy waiting at table.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">In a narrow, dark chamber, where disused furniture was piled up, he
+found him sitting on an overturned wooden case, brooding with his head
+in his hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert, my boy, what are you doing here?&quot; he cried out to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He raised his head slowly and said, &quot;I suppose there are merry
+goings-on in the other part of the house?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician laid his hands on his shoulders:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I am anxious about you, my boy. Since three days you grudge a word to
+any of us; you are on the road to madness, if you go on like this.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What do you want?&quot; answered Robert, with a sigh that broke from him
+like a cry of anguish. &quot;I am calm, quite calm.&quot; Then he once more
+rested his bushy head upon his two hands, and fell again to brooding.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man sat down at his side and began to remonstrate with him. He
+forgot no single thing that one is won't to say in such cases, and
+added many a comforting, strengthening word of his own making. Robert
+sat there motionless, he hardly gave any sign of interest. But when the
+old man came to no stop, he interrupted him, and said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Leave that, uncle, that is sweet stuff for little children. To the one
+question on which for me depends life and death, you, too, can give me
+no answer.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What question?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Uncle, see, I am calm now--wonderfully calm--no fever, no frenzy is
+upon me as I speak, and so you will believe me when I tell you that I
+do not know--how I shall live through this night!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For God's sake, what are you about to do?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert shrugged his shoulders.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I do not know,&quot; he said, &quot;whatever suggests itself at the moment will
+do for me. I am only sorry for the poor little mite that will have to
+go on living without a father--perhaps I shall take it with me on my
+journey--I do not know. I only know the one thing, that I cannot go on
+like this any longer!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man, trembling with fear in every limb, heaped reproaches upon
+him. That would be cowardly, that would be unmanly, and only worthy of
+a miserable weakling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert listened to him calmly, then he said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You would be right, uncle, if it were her death which made me despair
+of myself and of my happiness! But, good heavens!&quot;--he laughed harshly
+and bitterly--&quot;I have long since accustomed myself to lay no claim to
+happiness. As for me, I would quietly bear my affliction,--(I have
+experience in that, as you know, for I have already lowered one loved
+being into the grave),--and go on raking and scraping money together,
+as I have been doing for so long, and doing in the midst of the deepest
+sorrow; for the interests, you know, they take little notice of the
+state of one's feelings, and even if one's hand grows numb with pain
+and despair--they have to be paid! But that is not what makes my brain
+so disorganised--for I am disorganised, you may believe me; before my
+eyes sparks are constantly dancing, my body is convulsed, and my blood
+rushes like fire through my veins. And yet I am quite calm with it all,
+and see everything all around as clearly as if I could look right
+through it. Only the one thing I cannot comprehend--it haunts me like a
+terrible phantom by day and by night, and when I seek to grasp it, it
+escapes me--this one thing: <i>Wherefore</i> did she die?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man started. He thought of the letter and the promise that the
+dead girl had therein required of him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert continued: &quot;There is a voice which constantly screams into my
+ears, 'It is <i>your</i> fault!' <i>How</i> so I do not know; for however much I
+probe the depths of my soul, I find no wrong there that I did her; and
+yet the voice will not be silenced. I tell myself,--'This is a fixed
+idea.' I tell myself, 'You are tormenting yourself; you are a fool and
+wicked--wicked towards yourself and your child;' but it is no good,
+uncle!--it will not be silenced. And, after all, there may be something
+in it, uncle? Would Olga not be alive yet, if it were not for me? If,
+on the preceding evening, things had not happened----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">He stopped, shuddering, and covered his face with his hands. Tearless
+sobs shook his mighty frame. Then he said: &quot;Uncle, I cannot--I dare not
+think of it; it drives me out of my senses. I feel--as if I must break
+and dash to pieces everything with these fists.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And yet you must pull yourself together, my boy,&quot; said the old man,
+&quot;and tell me everything successively; for that is the only way to throw
+light upon the mystery.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">There ensued a silence in the dark room. The old man trembled in every
+limb. He saw the outlines of the massive figure that stood out darkly
+against the light window of the chamber; he saw the heaving of the
+chest which rose and sank and panted and groaned like the crater of a
+volcano; he felt on his skin the hot waves of breath from Robert's
+mouth.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Pull yourself together, my boy,&quot; he repeated softly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert waged a conflict within himself Then he stretched himself as if
+with newly awakening energy and said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;All right, uncle; you shall know all....</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Since the day on which she so proudly and coldly refused my offer I
+had not met her again. It is true she came as before to the manor to
+look after the child and the household. I know now that it was for
+Martha's and not for my sake; but there was a silent understanding
+between us, so that we avoided meeting each other. She chose the hours
+when she knew I was busy out in the sheds and stables, and I did not
+return to the house until I had seen her disappear through the gate.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;On Tuesday, as it happened, I was obliged to go out to the manor farm;
+but half a mile outside the town, on that bad road, my axle broke. As I
+had taken no driver with me, and far and wide there was no one in
+sight, I myself mounted the harnessed horse and rode back to fetch
+help. At the manor the overseer told me that the young lady had gone
+home some time before. It was, in fact, already beginning to grow very
+dark. 'Well, then there's no danger,' I think to myself, and walk into
+the house.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I open the door of the sitting-room, I see in the dusk a dark
+shadow that flits hurriedly out of the room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Who may that be?' I think, and follow in pursuit.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In the child's room I find--<i>her</i>--just as she is trying hard to
+unbolt the door leading to the corridor, which, as you know, is always
+kept locked on account of the draught.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then, uncle, it comes over me as if I must rush towards her; but just
+in time I recollect who she is--and who I am.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I see how her hands are trembling. 'Do not be angry with me, Olga,' I
+said, stammering; 'I did not wish to do you any harm. I am only here by
+chance. I will henceforth arrange so that you may never meet me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she lets her hands drop, and gives me a look that makes me feel
+hot and cold all over. 'Martha never looked at me like that,' I think
+to myself. I want to speak, but the words will not come, for I am so
+confused and embarrassed. She stands pressing her tall figure close up
+to the door, as if to take refuge there from me. I hear her heavy,
+feverish breathing. 'Olga,' I say, 'it was presumption on my part that
+I ever dared to think of gaining your hand; I know very well that I am
+not worthy of you. I beg of you, forget all about it; I will never
+remind you of it.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And at this moment, uncle--how shall I describe it to you?--leave me
+for a second the memory--yet what boots it?--I will be strong, uncle--I
+will pull myself together--at this moment she rushes towards me, clasps
+me round, covers my face with kisses, and then suddenly she sinks down
+with a sigh and lies there at my feet as if felled by a stroke. I gaze
+down upon her like one in a dream.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'It is not true,' I cry to myself; 'it is madness. You were ready to
+look up to her as to a goddess, and now she throws herself away on one
+who is not worthy of her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I hardly dared to touch her; but I had to raise her up; and when I
+held her in my arms she began to sob bitterly, as if she would cry her
+very soul out. 'Olga, why are you crying?' say I. 'All is well now.'
+But even I, giant of a fellow as I am, start crying like a little
+child.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Forgive, me, Robert!' I hear her voice at my ear; 'I have grieved you
+sorely, but I will never--never do so again.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And will you always love me now?' I ask; for even now I cannot
+realise it yet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, you--you,' she says, 'I love you more than anything else in the
+world,' and hides her face upon my neck.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But now, uncle, hear what followed! When I see her dark head of curls
+lying so submissively upon my shoulder the question arises within me:
+'Is this the same Olga who, a few days ago, turned from you so calmly
+and proudly when you modestly and humbly asked her consent?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;So I said to her: 'Olga,' said I, 'how could you torture me so? Have I
+become a different man in this short space of time?' Then I see her
+grow as white as the chalk on the walls, and hear her voice in my ear:
+'Do not question me; for God's sake do not question me!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A feeling of terror awakens within me lest I may perhaps lose her
+to-morrow--as I have won her to-day.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga,' say I, 'if you are so changeable in your decisions, who will
+give me surety----?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I stop short, for in her face lies something which commands silence.
+She tears herself away from me and flings herself into a chair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'As you wish to know,' she says, and the while with darkening brows
+stares upon the ground--'I was afraid--I doubted your love, and thought
+you might let me feel that I came to you without a penny----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And with that the lie makes her face all aflame.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga,' I cry out, 'could you think that of me? Do you remember 'What
+I reminded her of was one night on her father's estate when I came
+wooing Martha and thought to return sadly with a refusal; for Martha
+was ready to sacrifice herself and her happiness, so that I might marry
+another. Then she--Olga--had come to me in the middle of the night, and
+had opened my eyes for me, blind fool that I was, and spoken words to
+me, words full of contempt for mammon, which sounded like Love's song
+of triumph in my ears. <i>Those</i> words I spoke to her now; for each one
+was indelibly stamped on my memory.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'At that time, then--you had such brave and generous thoughts--when
+you spoke on Martha's behalf,' I cried out to her, 'and now--when they
+apply to yourself----' I look into her face, which is trying to smile
+and ever smiling; but this smile grew rigid, and in the midst of it she
+closed her eyes and fell down fainting, like a log of wood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was trouble enough to bring her back to life; for I did not care to
+call in any help. Quite a quarter of an hour she lay there--not much
+otherwise than she is lying now--then she opened her eyes, and for a
+long time gazed silently into my face--so sorrowfully, so wearily and
+hopelessly, that I quite trembled for her. And thereupon she folded her
+hands and spoke up to me softly and imploringly:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Give me time, Robert; I have overtaxed my strength. I must first grow
+accustomed to it----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I, however, was so filled with the exuberance of my new happiness that
+I believed I could by force compel her too to be happy. 'If we love
+each other, Olga,' I cried, 'and the deceased says &quot;Yes&quot; and &quot;Amen&quot; to
+our union, I should like to see who could object! Therefore be brave
+and cheerful, my child!' But she was anything but brave or cheerful.
+And not till now--when she is dead--have I realised how utterly
+miserable and broken down she was as she lay there on the cushions--she
+who as a rule was so proud and severe in her behaviour to herself and
+others. It was as if some intense sorrow had cut the innermost nerve of
+her life in twain. That is all clear to me now, but then I did not see
+it--I would not see it; and I went on remonstrating with her,
+comforting her as I thought. She listened to me, but said nothing; only
+now and then she nodded her head, and a smile of unutterable sadness
+and weariness played about her lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I put it all down to the excitement of the moment and to the sadness
+of the last few years, which must rise up once more all the mightier
+within her, now that, for her too, a new happiness was dawning to
+supplant it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And the first thing we do,' said I, 'Olga, shall be to visit the
+churchyard. When we have stood at Martha's grave, my mother's
+resistance and the ill-will of the whole world need no longer affect
+us.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she let her hands drop from her face, looked at me with great
+terror-stricken eyes, and asked in a perfectly toneless voice: 'You
+want to go to the churchyard with me?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, with you,' I answered; 'and now, at once, if you are willing.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then a shudder ran through her frame, and in a strangely hoarse tone
+she said: 'Have patience till to-morrow; to-morrow I will do what you
+wish.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, my dear, good child,' I then said; 'put all foolish fancies out
+of your head by tomorrow, and think to yourself that <i>she</i> is not angry
+with us. We shall certainly not forget her! And must not our mutual
+grief for her bind us all the more closely together for the whole of
+our lives? Her memory will always be with us; and do you not also
+believe that from her whole heart she would bless our union if she
+could look down upon us from heaven? Has she not left us her child as a
+legacy, that we might watch over it together, and not surrender it to
+any stranger?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she threw herself down in front of the little cot, in which the
+little creature lay blissfully dozing, and pressed her face against its
+little head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus she lay for a long time, and I let her lie.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When she rose up, the rigid calm once more rested upon her face that
+we were wont to see there. She gave me her hand, and said: 'Go, my
+friend; leave me alone.' And I went, for I was ready in all things to
+do her bidding; I did not even embrace her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A quarter of an hour later I saw her cross the courtyard. I waited at
+the window; but she did not look back any more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Next morning--well, you know, uncle, how I found her then. And at
+that moment I was as if struck by lightning. Uncle, I may grow old and
+grey--that moment will destroy every pleasure, and every laugh will die
+away from my lips as its consequence. But at least I might live. I
+might drag on this miserable existence, so that my child should not be
+deprived of its modest share of happiness. Only that one thing I must
+know--I must be freed from that one horrible idea, else I cannot go
+on--I cannot, however hard I try. Else I shall rot away alive.... Some
+one must arise, even if it be from the other side of the grave, and
+must tell me wherefore she died!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Once more there was silence in the dark room. Nothing was audible but
+the heavy breathing of the two men and the rustling of a rat, which had
+accompanied Robert's story with the monotonous, hollow music of its
+gnawing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man struggled hard within himself. Should he treacherously
+disclose the secret of her life as he had already betrayed the secret
+of her death? But was there not, in this case, a good deed to be done?
+Did it not mean freeing him whom she had loved above all things, from
+the torments to which--either a mistaken idea or a secret consciousness
+of guilt--condemned him? It seemed like a miracle, like special
+heavenly grace, that the mouth which seemed closed for ever, should
+once more be permitted to open, to bring peace to the loved one.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man gave a deep sigh. He had taken his resolution. &quot;And
+supposing she should have taken thought, Robert,&quot; he said, &quot;to give an
+account to you from beyond the grave?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert uttered a cry, and clutched his wrists.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What do you mean by that, uncle?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If you had not burrowed in your grief like a mole, and taken flight
+before every human face, you would have known long ago what is in every
+one's mouth, namely, that on the morning of her death I received a
+letter from her----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You--uncle--from her----?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Goodness, my boy, you are breaking the bones in my body. Do first
+listen to me patiently&quot;--and he told him the contents of the letter.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert had started to his feet and was nervously running his fingers
+through his hair. His eyes, which were staring down upon the old man,
+gleamed through the darkness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And the book--give it to me--where is it?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man informed him how great was the danger in which Olga's
+secret was hovering, and what anxiety he had himself passed through on
+its account.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Wait, I will fetch it,&quot; cried Robert, and hurried towards the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man held him back. &quot;Your mother has the key--take care that her
+suspicion is not aroused.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The door is half broken, I will smash it entirely.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;They will hear you downstairs.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;They are enjoying themselves much too well!&quot; answered Robert, and
+laughed grimly. &quot;Come, we will go together.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">And through a back door, along the dark corridor, up the creaking
+stairs, the two men crept like two thieves who have come to take
+advantage of some festive occasion.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Opening the door proved even easier than they had hoped. The loosened
+hinge of the lock moved out of its joints almost without pressure.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">At the door both stopped, overcome with emotion, as the dark room,
+faintly illumined by the starry clearness of the night, lay before
+their eyes. All traces of death had been removed: the empty
+bedstead--whose supports stood out darkly against the grey wall--alone
+indicated that its occupant had sought another resting-place. The odour
+of her dresses, the faint scent of her soap, still filled the room with
+their fragrance. Even the towels on which she had dried herself were
+still hanging, in fantastic whiteness, near the black Dutch stove.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert, unable to keep himself upright, dropped down upon a chair, and
+in long, eager breaths, which resembled a sobbing, he drank in the
+fragrance of the room. It was as if he were trying to absorb into his
+being the very last trace of her life.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">A short, dazzling gleam of light darted through the room, danced along
+the walls, strayed with a yellow flicker across the writing-desk, and
+made the white-draped dressing-table stand out from the darkness like
+some crouching phantom.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man had struck a match and was groping by its aid for the
+little green-shaded lamp which had lighted Olga's sleepless nights. It
+stood on the pedestal, in the same place where Olga had extinguished it
+when about to plunge into eternal night. Its glass bowl was yet nearly
+full of petroleum. She had been in a hurry to get to rest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Carefully he lifted down the globe and lighted the wick. With a
+peaceful twilight glow the veiled flame cast its light across the
+silent chamber. Then he stepped up to the bookshelf, where the gilded
+volumes were ranged in rows and gleamed in the light. His hand for a
+little while groped along the wall and then pulled out to the light
+some blue, rolled-up object.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;We have it, Robert,&quot; he cried, triumphantly; &quot;come away!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The latter shook his head in silence. The old man urged him again; then
+he said: &quot;We will read here, uncle--here--where she wrote it.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What if any one should surprise us?&quot; cried the old man, fearfully.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert shrugged his shoulders and pointed to the floor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The old man was satisfied; they softly drew up their chairs within
+light of the lamp. After this nothing was audible but the rushing of
+the winter wind as it swept through the leafless lime-tops, and the
+monotonously hoarse voice of the reader, accompanied from time to time
+by the chorus of the funeral party--now swelling up loudly, now dying
+away to a whisper.</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>VI.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Forgive me, sister, for invoking from the grave your transfigured
+shade. In remembrance of the deep love you bore me, of the warmth with
+which my heart beat for you, suffer it, if I attempt to expiate the
+guilt that weighs so heavily upon me, and whose yoke I must drag along
+with me to the end of my days! Let me once more live through all the
+love and kindness you bestowed upon me, and in the memory thereof
+forget the horrors of loneliness that, like the breath of your tomb,
+chill my very bones.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What a fool, what a wicked creature I was, to feel lonely while you
+yet dwelt on earth! Your love was the very air that I breathed! Your
+smile was the sunshine that animated me, your comforting, exhorting
+words were like the voice of God within us, to which we hearken
+reverently without understanding. And how did I thank you, sister? I
+grew a stranger to you--in sorrow and misery I have to think of you,
+and the consciousness of guilt appals me when the soughing wind
+whispers your name in my ear. Between us there stands a wild phantom
+with flaming eyes--terrible and distorted, its hair encircled by
+snakes--stretching out its claw-like hands towards me, and separating
+me from you for ever. If it were no phantom, but flesh and blood, if
+what I committed were a sin, a crime, I would wrestle with it, I would
+overcome it with the last strength of my failing energy, or allow
+myself to be strangled in its bloody grip. But it is intangible, it
+melts away into empty air--a spectre that mocks me, a mist that clouds
+my reason, and by its poison is slowly destroying me. A wish!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A wish--it is nothing more!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I wonder if you recognised it? I wonder if it was reflected in your
+dying gaze? I wonder if at your bedside, when you, good, noble soul,
+gave up the last breath of a life that was all love, you saw this
+spectre--a spectre born of envy and ingratitude, which I--miserable
+creature--dragged into your pure habitation?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If I had still my lisping childish beliefs, I would pour out the
+wretchedness of my soul before God, the Great and Merciful; but there
+is no one on earth or in heaven to take pity on me, none but your
+glorified image.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Woe is me!--that, too, turns away from me. Weeping, it veils itself,
+when yonder demon approaches my soul! And yet, was it not human to feel
+as I did? Why are we not heavenly bodies, void of desire, pure and
+ethereal? Why are we born of dust, why do we cleave to dust, eat dust
+and return to dust when we have thrown off this great fraud of life?
+The great fraud of my life I will write down here--the fraud towards
+myself--towards you, and towards a third as well, who was pure and
+good--and who yet was the cause of it all.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was a quiet, lonely child.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He who is always surrounded by love, and who has never known anything
+but love, often learns most easily to suffice to himself. And yet in my
+heart, too, there lay an inexhaustible store of love. I squandered it
+on dumb creatures, petted the dogs, kissed the cats, and hugged the
+geese. One of my passions was to play in the stable: there I lolled
+about on the soft, warm straw, under the very hoofs of my special pets,
+that never did me any harm; or I climbed into the manger, where I could
+sit for hours and gaze lovingly into my friends' great brown eyes. But
+my favourite place was in the dog-kennel. There they often found me
+asleep at midday, and it was no easy matter to get me out again: for
+Nero, who was as a rule so quiet and good, showed his teeth to any one,
+even to his master, who came within reach of his chain on such
+occasions. My tender affection extended also to the vegetable kingdom.
+The rose-trees appeared to me like enchanted princesses, whose fate I
+bitterly bewailed; the sunflowers were Catholic priests in full
+canonicals, and the dahlias Polish maidservants with red head-dresses.
+Thus I succeeded in assembling around me in the garden the whole human
+world, and found the counterfeit presentment preferable to the
+original, for it submitted in silence when I ordained its fate.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The estate that my father had rented was the old feudal possession of
+a Polish magnate, which lay close to the Prussian frontier, on a hill
+whose one side sloped down gradually in a weed-grown park towards
+barren fields, while the other dropped down precipitately towards a
+rivulet, on whose opposite bank lay a dirty little Polish frontier
+village.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When one stood on the brink of the precipice one looked down upon the
+tumble-down shingle roofs, through the crevices of which smoke issued
+forth, and could see right into the midst of the wretched traffic of
+the miry street, where half-naked children wallowed in the gutter,
+women crouched idly on the doorsteps, and the men in ragged fustian
+coats trooped, with their spades on their shoulders, towards the
+alehouse.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Verily there was little that was attractive about this small town, and
+the rabble of frontier Cossacks, that trotted to and fro sleepily on
+their cat-like nags, did not enhance its charms. But yet, to my
+childish eyes, it was enveloped in inexpressible glamour, the sensation
+of which creeps over me even to-day, when I picture to myself how,
+bewitched by all these wonderful visions, I sat for hours motionless on
+the grass, and stared down upon the throng in which the figures were no
+larger than the wooden dolls in my box of toys.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I had been forbidden to go down, nor had I any desire to do so, since
+I had once been almost crushed to death between two wheels in the crowd
+of the weekly market to which my father had taken me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was only delightful when from up there, raised high above the dirt
+and screaming, one could gaze down upon this world of ants, which
+seemed so tiny that, like the Creator Himself, one could command it
+with a look, but which grew larger and larger, and assumed weird, giant
+proportions the more one attempted to penetrate into it.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It is remarkable that just of those persons who were most closely
+connected with me throughout my life, I have preserved but a vague
+recollection as they were at that time. Possibly because later
+impressions effaced these earliest ones.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My father was a small, sturdy man, of thick-set stature, with
+close-cut black beard and hair, clad in high, brightly blacked boots,
+and a greyish-green shaggy jacket, who laughed at me when he saw me,
+gave me a friendly slap on the back, or pinched my arm, and then was
+gone again. He was always busy, poor papa; as long as he lived I never
+saw him give himself a moment's rest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Mama was then already very stout, was constantly eating sweet-stuff,
+and loved her afternoon nap; but she, too, was at work from morning
+till night, though she only reluctantly betook herself from place to
+place, and did not like one to hang on to her, or to bother her with
+questions.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At that time another member of the family was Cousin Robert, who had
+been sent over by our Prussian relations to learn farming from papa; a
+big fellow, broad-shouldered and thick-necked, with fair tufts of
+beard, which I was wont to pull when he took me on his knee to instil
+the A B C into me by means of bent liquorice sticks. I think we were
+always good friends, though he probably was no more to me than the
+other articled pupils; for his picture, as he was then, has become
+hazy, exactly like all the others.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Only one scene do I remember distinctly, when on a summer evening he
+had caught hold of Martha by her fair plaits and was racing after her,
+laughing and screaming, through the yard, and the house, and the
+garden.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What are you up to with Martha, you rascal?' cried papa to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She has been vexing me,' he answered, without letting go of her,
+while she kept on screaming.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'When I was your age I knew better how to revenge myself on a girl,'
+laughingly said papa, who always liked to have his little joke.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, how?' he asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, if you don't know that yourself!' replied papa.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'One just gives her a kiss. Master Robert,' said an old gardener, who
+happened to be passing with a watering-can.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I can see him yet, how he suddenly let the plaits drop from his
+hands, stood there suffused with blushes and did not know where to
+look. Papa shook with laughter and Martha ran off as fast as she could.
+When I tried her door, she had locked herself in. Not till supper-time
+did she put in an appearance again. Her hair hung in disorder over her
+forehead, and beneath it she looked out dreamily and scared.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When, to-day, I compare the pale, thin, little suffering face that
+fills my whole soul, with yonder rosy, chubby, roguish countenance as
+it gleams upon me sometimes from my earliest childhood, I can hardly
+realise that both can have belonged to one and the same being.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;How her long fair plaits fluttered in the wind! With what precocious,
+housewifely care her eyes scanned the long table where we all sat
+together, with apprentices and inspectors, waiting to be filled--a
+whole collection of hungry mouths. And how lustily each one helped
+himself, when, with her merry smile, she offered the dishes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now only do I begin to understand what a pilgrimage of suffering she
+had to make, now that I am myself preparing for the long, sad journey,
+at the end of which a lonely grave awaits me, more lonesome even than
+hers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In those days I was a child and looked up unsuspectingly to her, who
+became my teacher when she herself had hardly put off childish ways.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was at that time that our affairs began to take a downward course.
+Papa had to struggle against debts; failure of crops, and floods--for
+three years in succession--destroyed any hope of improvement, and
+monetary cares gathered thicker and thicker around our home.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In the household everything not absolutely necessary was dispensed
+with, our intercourse with the neighbouring estate owners was
+restricted, and even the old governess who had educated Martha and was
+now to have fulfilled her mission upon me, had to leave the estate.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha, who was seven years older than I and just preparing to grow
+into her first long dress, stepped into her place. In this way, purely
+sisterly relations could not grow into existence between us. She was
+the protectress and I was the ward, until after we exchanged our
+<i>rôles</i>.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I may have been about fourteen years old, when it struck me for the
+first time that Martha had strangely altered in manner and appearance.
+I ought, indeed, to have noticed it before, for I was accustomed to
+look about me with open eyes, but in the slow monotony of everyday life
+one easily overlooks the destruction that sorrow and time are working
+around us.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now I took heed, and saw her face grow thinner and thinner, saw that
+the colour faded more and more from her cheeks, and that her eyes sank
+deeper and deeper into dark hollows. Nor did she any longer sing, and
+her laugh had a peculiar tired, hoarse sound that hurt my ears so, that
+I was sometimes on the point of calling out to her 'Do not laugh!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the same time she began to sicken; she complained of headache and
+spasms, and only with difficulty dragged herself about the house. Then,
+of course, papa and mama were bound to notice her condition too; they
+packed her up in warm wraps, and, in spite of her remonstrance, drove
+with her to Prussia to consult a doctor. He shrugged his shoulders,
+prescribed steel pills and advised a change of air.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Something else, too, he must have advised, which greatly disturbed my
+parents, at least papa; for mama, since a long time already, was not to
+be roused from her phlegmatic composure. When she dreamily gazed out
+into the distance, he often looked at her askance, shook his head,
+sighed, and slammed the door after him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But however much she might be suffering, she would not give up her
+work. As long as I can remember, I have never seen her idle even for a
+moment. As a child already she stood with her lesson-book at the
+cooking-stove, or had an eye on the wash-kitchen, while she wrote her
+German composition. Since she was grown up, she combined the duties of
+my instruction with all the cares which a large household imposes upon
+its manager. Mama had quite retired in virtue of her age, and allowed
+her to do and dispose as she pleased, if only the <i>compôtes</i> and other
+dainties won her approval.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I, who was spoilt beyond measure by everyone in the house, was ashamed
+of my inactivity, and endeavoured to take a part of the responsibility
+off Martha's shoulders; but with gentle remonstrance she dissuaded me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Leave that, child,' she said, stroking my cheeks; 'you happen to be
+the princess of the house, you had better remain so.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;That hurt me. I could bear anything rather than to be repulsed, when I
+came with my heart full to overflowing of generous resolves.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One evening I saw her crying. I slunk out into the garden and fought a
+hard battle. I almost choked with my longing to help, but I could not
+so far conquer myself as to go up to her and put my arms consolingly
+about her neck. When I lay in bed, my desire to comfort her came upon
+me with renewed force; I got up, and in my nightdress, just as I was, I
+slipped out into the dark corridor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For a long time I stood outside her door, trembling with cold and with
+fear, and with my hand on the door-knob. At last I took heart and crept
+in softly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She knelt before her bed with her head pressed into the pillows. She
+seemed to be praying.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I stopped at the door, for I did not venture to disturb her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At last she turned round, and at sight of me started up abruptly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What do you want?' she stammered.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I clung to her, and sobbed fit to soften the heart of a stone.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Child--for Heaven's sake--what is the matter with you?' she cried.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was incapable of uttering a word. She, in her motherly way, took a
+large woollen shawl, wrapped me in it, and drew me down upon her knee,
+though I was then already bigger than she.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Now confess, my darling, what ails you?' she asked, stroking my face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I gathered up all my strength, and hiding my face upon her neck, I
+sobbed, 'Martha--I want--to help--you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A long silence ensued, and when I raised up my face I saw an
+unutterably bitter, sorrowful smile playing about her lips. And then
+she took my head between her hands, kissed my brow and said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come, I will put you to bed, child; there is nothing the matter with
+me--but you--you seem to be in a perfect fever.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I jumped up: 'For shame, that is horrid of you, Martha,' I cried; 'I
+will not be sent away like this. I am not ill, nor am I so stupid that
+I cannot see how you are pining away, and how each day you gulp down
+some new sorrow. If you have no confidence in me, I shall conclude that
+you do not wish to have anything to do with me, and all will be over
+between us.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She folded her hands in astonishment, and looked at me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What has possessed you, child?' she said, 'I do not know you thus.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I turned away and bit my lips defiantly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come, come, I will put you to bed,' she urged again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I don't want--I can go alone,' I said. Then she seemed to feel that a
+word of explanation must be vouchsafed to the child.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'See, Olga,' she said, drawing me down to her, 'you are quite right, I
+have many a sorrow, and if you were older and could understand, you
+would certainly be the first in whom I should confide. But first you
+too must learn to know life----.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What more do you know of life than I?' I cried, still defiantly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She only smiled. It cut me to the heart, this half-painful,
+half-ecstatic smile. A dull dawning presentiment awoke within me,
+such as one might experience in face of closed temple gates or distant
+palm-wafted islands. And Martha continued:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Till then, however--and that will be long!--I must bear what
+oppresses me alone. Hearty thanks, sister, for your good intention; I
+would love you twice as much for it, if that were possible; and now go,
+have your sleep out, we have much to learn to-morrow.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With that she pushed me out of the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Like an exile I stood outside on the landing and stared at the door
+which had closed behind me so cruelly. Then I leant my head against the
+wall and wept silently and bitterly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha was henceforth doubly kind and affectionate towards me, but I
+would not see it. I grew reserved towards her, as she had been towards
+me, and deeper and deeper the bitter feeling became graven on my soul
+that the world did not require my love. Of course it was not this one
+occurrence alone which acted decisively upon my disposition. Such a
+young creature as I was, is too easily carried away by the tide of new
+impressions to be lastingly influenced by a few such moments; and, as a
+matter of fact, it was not long: before I had forgotten that evening.
+But what I did not forget was the idea that no one dwelt on earth who
+was willing to share his sorrows with me, and that I was thrown back
+upon myself and my books until such day as I should be declared ripe to
+take part in the life of the living.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Deeper and deeper I dived down into the treasures of the poets, of
+whom none drove me from his holy of holies. I learnt to feel wretched
+and exalted with Tasso; I knew what Manfred sought on icy Alpine
+snowfields; with Thekla I mourned the loss of the earthly happiness I
+had enjoyed, of the life and love that I had out-lived and out-loved.
+But, above all, Iphigenia was my heroine and my ideal.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Through her my young, lonely soul was filled with all the charm of
+being unintelligible; it seemed to be the mission of my life to go
+forth like her upon earth as a blessed priestess, sublimely void of
+earthly desire; and if to this end I might have donned yon white
+Grecian robes whose noble draperies would so splendidly have suited my
+early-developed figure, my bliss would have been complete.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Outwardly I was in those years an obstinate, supercilious creature,
+who was lavish with rude answers, and fond of getting up from table in
+the middle of a meal if anything did not suit her taste.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In spite of all this--or perhaps just for this reason--I was petted by
+all, and my will, in so far as a child's will can be taken into
+account, was considered authoritative by the whole house. At fifteen I
+was as tall and as big as to-day, and already there was found here and
+there some gallant squire's son who would say that I was much, much
+better looking than all the others, especially than Martha. That made
+me indignant, for my vanity was not yet fully developed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'About that time, I dreamt one night that Martha had died. When I
+woke, my pillows were wet through with tears. Like a criminal on that
+day I crept round my sister. I felt as if I had some heavy offence
+against her on my conscience.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;After dinner she had gone to lie down for a little on the sofa, for
+she was suffering again from her headache; and when I entered the
+room and saw her waxen-pale face with closed eyes, hanging across the
+sofa-ledge, I started as if struck.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt as if I really saw her already as a corpse before me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I dropped down in front of the sofa and covered her lips and brow with
+kisses. Quite radiantly she opened her eyes and stared at me, as if she
+saw a vision; only as consciousness returned did her face grow serious
+and sad, as before.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, well, my girl, what is the matter with you?' she said. 'This is
+not your usual behaviour!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And gently she pushed me away, so that once more I stood alone with my
+overflowing heart; but as I was slinking away she came after me, and
+whispered---</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I love you very much, my darling sister!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;On the evening of the same day I noticed that she constantly kept
+smiling to herself. Papa was struck by it too, for as a rule it never
+occurred. He took her head between his two hands, and said--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What has come over you, Margell? Why you are blooming like a flower
+to-day.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she blushed a deep red, while I secretly clasped her hand under
+the table, and thought to myself, 'We know very well what makes us so
+happy.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Next morning papa came to the breakfast-table with an open letter in
+his hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'A strange bird is about to fly into our nest,' he said, laughing;
+'now guess what his name is!' And with that he looked quite peculiarly
+across at Martha. She appeared to me to have grown even a shade paler,
+and the coffee-cup which she held in her hand shook audibly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Has the bird been in our nest before?' she asked slowly and softly,
+and did not raise her eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I should think so indeed!' laughed papa.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then it is--Robert Hellinger,' she said, and sighed deeply, as if
+after a hard effort.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Upon my word, girl, you <i>are</i> one to guess.' said papa, and shook his
+finger at her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But she was silent, and walked from the room with slow, dragging
+steps--nor did she appear again that morning. For my part I kept pretty
+cool over our cousin's approaching visit. His image of former days, as
+it dimly hovered in my memory, was not such as to inspire a romantic
+imagination of fifteen years with ardent dreams for its sake.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But Martha's behaviour had struck me. Next day, in the early morning,
+I heard her walking up and down with long strides in the guest-rooms.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I followed her, for I was anxious to know what she was busying herself
+about in these usually closed apartments.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She had opened all the windows, uncovered the beds, let down the
+curtains, and now in her wooden shoes was running amidst all this
+confusion from one room to the other. Her hands she held pressed to her
+face, and kept laughing to herself; but the laugh sounded more like
+crying.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I asked her, 'What are you doing here, Martha?' she gave a start,
+looked at me quite confused, and seemed as if she must first think
+where she was.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Don't you see--I am covering the beds.' she stammered after a while.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For whom, pray?' I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Don't you know we are going to have a visitor?' she answered.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I suppose you are awfully pleased at the prospect?' I said, and
+slightly shrugged my shoulders.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why should I not be pleased?' she replied, 'It is our cousin.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And nothing more?' I asked, shaking my finger at her as I had seen
+papa do the day before.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she suddenly grew very grave, and looked at me with her big, sad
+eyes so strangely and reproachfully that I felt how all the blood
+rushed to my face. I turned away, and as I could no longer keep up my
+superiority, I slunk out of the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;From this moment Cousin Robert caused me many a thought. It seemed
+clear to me that the two loved each other, and seized by the mysterious
+awe with which the idea of the great Unknown fills half-grown children
+of my age, I began to picture to myself how such a love might have
+taken shape. I ran through the wild-growing shrubs of the park, and
+said to myself, 'Here they enjoyed their secret walks.' I slipped
+inside the dusky arbours, and said to myself, 'Here in the moonlight
+was their trysting-place.' I sank down upon the mossy turf-bank, and
+said to myself, 'Here they held sweet converse together.' The whole
+garden, the house, the yard, everything that I had known since the
+beginning of my life suddenly appeared resplendent in a new light. A
+purple sheen was spread over all. Wondrous life seemed to have awakened
+therein. I had so completely absorbed myself in these phantasies, that
+finally I believed that I myself had lived through this love. When I
+saw Martha again I did not dare to raise my eyes to her, as if I
+cherished the secret in my bosom and she were the one who must not
+guess it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But next morning when I reflected that Martha had positively
+experienced everything that I after all had only dreamt about, I felt
+quite awed by the thought, and from out of a dark corner I contemplated
+her fixedly with shy, inquiring looks, as if she were a being from some
+strange world.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was well aware that every five minutes she found something to busy
+herself about on the verandah, from whence one could look across
+towards the courtyard-gate; but to-day I took good care not to put any
+pert questions to her. Now I felt like a confidante--like an
+accomplice. It was a beautiful clear September day. Over woodland and
+meadow was spread a rosy veil, silver threads floated softly through
+the air, the river carried a cover of vapour, and far and wide it was
+as silent as in a church. I went into the wood, for I could never have
+excess of solitude to satiate myself with dreams. In the birch-trees
+faded leaves already rustled; the bracken drooped like a wounded human
+being that can barely keep upright.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I grew very sad. 'Now there will be a great dying,' I said: 'ah, that
+one might die too!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then I remembered what I had heard and read in derision of
+sentimental autumn thoughts. 'For shame, how wicked!' I thought. 'They
+shall not deride me, for I shall know how to conceal myself and my
+feelings. It is no one's business what I do feel. And for all I care
+they may think me cold and heartless, if only I have the consciousness
+that my heart beats warmly and full of love for mankind.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, that was a delightful, foolish day, and blissfully would I
+sacrifice what yet remains to me of life, if it might once more be
+granted to me. In the evening--I can see it all as if it were to-day
+the windows stood open, the tendrils of the wild vine swayed in the
+breeze, and from the distance a stamping of hoofs, a clashing of lances
+and swords greeted my ears. I could see nothing, for the darkness
+devoured it all, but I knew that it was a band of Cossacks patrolling
+along the frontier ditch. And then I closed my eyes and dreamt that a
+troop of knights were coming riding along at full speed--led by a fair,
+handsome prince, mounted on a milk-white charger. But I was the
+chatelaine sitting in the turret-room of the old castle, and the fame
+of my beauty had penetrated to every land, so that the prince had set
+forth surrounded by a company of picked horsemen, to seek me out and
+ask my hand in marriage of the old nobleman my father.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then I remembered Martha; and whether, as the elder, she would not
+be preferred. But she loves her Robert, I comforted myself, she wants
+no prince. And then I pictured to myself what I would give to each
+member of my family when I had mounted the throne: to Martha wonderful
+jewellery, to papa an iron chest full of gold, and to mama a box of
+pine-apple sweets.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The clashing of lances died away in the distance--and my dream was at
+an end.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Next day he came.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When the carriage that brought him rolled in at the courtyard gate,
+Martha was busy in the kitchen. I ran to her, and beaming with pleasure
+I whispered into her ear, 'Martha, I believe he is here.' But she
+forthwith apprised me that I was not her confidante. She looked at me
+vaguely for a time, then asked absently, 'Whom do you mean?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Whom else but our cousin?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why do you tell me that in a whisper?' she asked. And when, in
+answer, I shrugged my shoulders, she once more took up the kitchen
+spoon she had put down, and went on stirring.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Is that the extent of your pleasure, Martha?' I asked, while I
+contemptuously pursed my lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But she pushed me aside with her left hand and said, more passionately
+than was her wont, 'Child, I beg of you, go!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And thus it came about that I received Cousin Robert in her stead.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As I stepped out on to the verandah, he was just alighting from his
+carriage.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He does not look much better than papa,' that was my first thought. A
+great strong man like a giant, with broad chest and shoulders, his face
+sun-burnt, with little blue eyes in it, and framed by a shaggy beard,
+such a beard as the 'lancequenets' used to wear.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Only the chin-strap is wanting,' I thought to myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He came jumping up the steps laughing towards me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, good morning, Martha!' he cried.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then suddenly he stopped short, measured me from head to foot and
+stood there, half-way up the stairs, as if petrified.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My name is not Martha, but Olga!' I remarked, somewhat dejectedly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Ah, that accounts for it!' he cried, shaking with laughter, stepped
+up to me and offered me a red, horny hand, quite covered with cracks
+and weals.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What an uncouth fellow!' I thought in my own mind. And when we had
+entered the room he looked me up and down again and said, 'You were
+quite a little thing yet, Olga, when I went away from here; now it
+seems like a wonder to me that you should be so like Martha!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I like Martha,' thought I, 'when was I ever in the least like
+Martha?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But no,' he continued, 'she was not so tall, and her hair was fairer,
+and she did not stand there so haughtily--and--and--did not make such
+serious eyes.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Ah, good Heavens,' thought I, 'you first look into Martha's eyes!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At this moment the kitchen door opened quite, quite slowly, and
+through a narrow aperture she squeezed herself in. She had not taken
+off her white apron. Her face was as white as this apron, and her lips
+trembled.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Welcome, Robert!' she said softly behind his back, for he had turned
+towards me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the first sound of her voice he veered round like lightning, and
+then for about a minute they stood facing each other without moving,
+without uttering a word.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I trembled. For two days I had lain in wait for this moment, and now
+it fell so wretchedly short of my expectations. Then they slowly
+approached each other, and kissed. This kiss too did not satisfy me. He
+could not have kissed <i>me</i> differently; 'only that he did not attempt
+that at all,' I added mentally. And then they both were silent again.
+My heart beat so wildly that I had to press both hands to my bosom.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At last Martha said, 'Won't you take a seat, Robert?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He nodded and threw himself into the sofa-corner so that all its
+joints creaked. He looked at her again and again, then after a long
+time he remarked, 'You are very much changed, Martha!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt as if he had given me a slap in the face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;An unutterably sad smile played about Martha's lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, I suppose I am changed,' she then said.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Renewed silence. It seemed as if a long time were necessary for him to
+put a thought into words.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why did I never hear that you were ailing?' he began again at length.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That I do not know.' she replied, with bitter affability.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Could you not write to me about it?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Are we in the habit of writing to each other?' she asked in return.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He gave the table an angry shove.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But if one is not well--then--then--'; he did not know how to
+proceed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I pressed my fists together. I should so have liked to finish his
+sentence for him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Never mind.' said Martha, 'one often knows least one's self when one
+is not well.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I should think one ought to know that best one's self,' he replied.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What if one does not think it worth while to take any notice of it?'
+This time she spoke without bitterness, modestly and quietly as she
+always spoke, and yet every word cut me to the quick.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;('Oh, Martha, why did you repulse me?' a voice within me cried.)</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And thereupon she broke into a short laugh, and asked how things were
+at home, and whether uncle and aunt were well.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'First I should like to know how my uncle and my aunt are,' he said,
+and looked into the four corners of the room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was so glad to see the strained mood giving way, that I burst into a
+loud laugh at his comical search.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Both looked at me in astonishment as if they only just remembered my
+presence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And what do you say to our child?' asked Martha, taking my hand in
+motherly fashion, 'does she please you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Better now already,' he said, scrutinising me, 'before, she was too
+stiff for me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I could hardly put my arms round your neck at once?' I replied.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why not?' he asked, smiling complacently, 'do you think there is no
+room for you there?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No,' said I, to let him know at once how to take me, 'that room is
+not the place for me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He looked at me quite taken aback, and then remarked, nodding his
+head--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'By Jingo, the little woman is pretty sharp.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was going to reply something, but at that moment papa entered the
+room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At table I constantly kept my eye on the two, without however being
+able to notice anything suspicious.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Their eyes hardly met.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Afterwards when the old people are taking their nap,' I thought to
+myself, 'they are sure to try and make their escape.' But I was
+mistaken. They quietly remained in the sitting-room, and did not even
+seem anxious to get me out of the way. He sat in the sofa-corner
+smoking, she, five paces away at the window, with some needlework.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Perhaps they are too shy,' I thought, 'and are waiting till an
+opportunity presents itself.' I marked a few signs and slipped out.
+Then for half an hour I crouched in my room with a beating heart and
+counted the minutes till I might go back again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Now he will go up to her,' I said to myself, 'will take her hands and
+look long into her eyes. &quot;Do you still love me?&quot; he will ask; and she,
+blushing rosy red, will sink with tear-dimmed gaze upon his breast.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I closed my eyes and sighed. My temples were throbbing; I felt more
+and more how my fancies intoxicated me, and then I went on picturing to
+myself how he would drop on his knees before her and, with ardent
+looks, stammer forth glowing declarations of love and faithfulness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I knew by heart everything that he was saying to her at this moment,
+no less than what she was answering. I could have acted as prompter to
+them both. When the half-hour was over, I held counsel with myself
+whether I should grant them a few moments longer. I was at present
+their fate and as such I smilingly showered my favours upon them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Let them drain their cup of bliss to the last drop!' said I, and
+resolved to take a walk through the garden yet. But curiosity
+overpowered me so that I turned back half-way.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Softly I crept up to the door, but hardly did I find courage to turn
+the handle. The thought of what I was about to see almost took my
+breath away.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And what did I see now, after all?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There he still sat in his sofa-corner as before, and had smoked his
+cigar down to a tiny stump; but in her embroidery there was a flower
+which had not been there before.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why do you shrug your shoulders so contemptuously?' asked Martha, and
+Robert added, 'It seems I do not meet with her ladyship's gracious
+approval.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So,' thought I, 'for all my kindness I get sneers into the bargain,'
+and went out slamming the door after me. That same night, I, foolish
+young creature that I was, lay awake till nearly morning, and pictured
+to myself how I, Olga Bremer, would have behaved had I been in the
+place of those two. First I was Robert, then Martha; I felt, I spoke, I
+acted for them, and through the silence of my bedroom there sounded the
+passionate whisperings of ardent, world-despising love.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As things were much too straightforward to please me, I invented a
+number of additional obstacles--our parents' refusal, nocturnal
+meetings at the frontier trench, surprise by the Cossacks,
+imprisonment, paternal, maledictions, flight, and finally death
+together in the waves; for only hereby, so it seemed to me, could true
+love be worthily sealed and confirmed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I got up in the morning my head whirled, and yellow and green
+lights danced before my eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha clasped her hands in horror at my appearance, and Robert, who
+was sitting again for a change in a sofa-corner, and once again sending
+forth clouds of smoke all around, remarked--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Have you been crying or dancing all night?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Dancing,' I replied, 'on the Brocken, with other witches.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'One positively cannot get a sensible word out of the girl,' he said,
+shaking his head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'As you cry into the wood,' replied I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh! I am as still as a mouse already,' he remarked, laughing, 'else I
+shall get such a dish of aspersion to begin the day with, as I have
+never swallowed in all my life.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha looked at me reproachfully, and I ran out into the park where
+it was darkest and hid my burning face in the cool mass of leaves.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was near crying.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So this is my fate,' I moaned, 'to be misunderstood by the whole
+world, to stand there alone and despised though my heart is full of
+passionate love, to wither unheeded in some corner, while every other
+being finds its companion and stills its longings in an ardent
+embrace.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, I had so vividly pictured to myself Martha's love that I had
+finally come to think myself the heroine of it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus, of course, disenchantment could not fail to come.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And if only the two had made some further effort to keep pace with the
+flights of my imagination! But the longer Robert remained in our house,
+the more I watched Martha's intercourse with him, the more did I become
+convinced that all interest was unnecessarily wasted upon them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She--the type of a timid, insipid, housewife, subject to any fatality
+of every-day life.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He--a clumsy, dull, work-a-day fellow, incapable of any degree of
+emotion.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In this strain I philosophised as long as the bitter feeling that I
+was unnoticed and superfluous wholly filled my soul. Then there came an
+event which not only disposed me to be more lenient, but also gave a
+new direction to my ideas about this stranger cousin.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was on the fourth day of his visit when he unexpectedly stepped up
+to me and said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Little one, I have a request to make to you. Will you come out for a
+ride with me?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What an honour,' replied I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No, you must not begin again like that,' said he, laughing, though
+annoyed. 'We will try for once to be good comrades just for half an
+hour. Agreed?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;His cordiality pleased me. I gave him my hand upon it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As we rode out of the courtyard gate Martha stood at the kitchen
+window and waved to us with her white apron.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'See here, Martha,' I thought in my mind, 'this is how I would ride
+out into the wide world with him if I were his paramour.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For my ideas as to what a 'paramour' is were as yet very vague, and I
+did not hesitate to ascribe this dignity to Martha.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He rides well.' I went on thinking; 'my prince could not do better.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then I caught myself throwing myself back proudly and joyously in
+my saddle, swayed by an undefined sense of well-being that made all my
+nerves tingle.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He said nothing, only now and again turned towards me and nodded at me
+smilingly, as if he thought well to secure our compact anew every five
+minutes. It was needless trouble, for nothing was further from my
+thoughts than to break it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When we had ridden for half an hour at a sharp trot he pulled up his
+chestnut and said:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, little one?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What is your pleasure, big one?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Shall we turn back?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, no.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was absolutely not willed to give up so quickly what filled me with
+such intense satisfaction.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, then, to the Illowo woods,' said he, pointing to the bluish
+wall which bordered the distant horizon.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I nodded and gave my horse the whip, so that it reared up high and
+plunged along in wild bounds.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Very creditable for a young lady of fifteen.' I heard his voice
+behind me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Sixteen, if you please!' cried I, half turning round towards him. 'By
+the bye, if you again reproach me with my youth, there's an end to our
+good fellowship.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Heaven forbid!' he laughed, and then we rode on in silence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The wood of Illowo is intersected by a small rivulet, whose steep
+banks are so close together that the alder branches from either side
+intertwine and form a high-vaulted, green dome over the surface of the
+water, terminating at each bend in a dense wall of foliage, behind
+which it builds itself up anew. Down there, close to the water's edge,
+I had known, since my childhood, many a secluded nook, where I had
+often sat for hours, reading or dreaming to myself, while my horse
+peacefully grazed up in the wood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As we now rode slowly along between the trees, a desire seized me to
+show him one of my sanctuaries.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I want to dismount,' I called out to him; 'help me out of my saddle.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He jumped off his horse and did as I had bid.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What do you intend to do?' he then asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You will see shortly.' said I. 'First of all, let the horses go.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I should think so, indeed,' he laughed. 'You seem to be one of those
+who catch their hares by putting salt on their tails.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And he set about tying the bridles to a tree.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Let loose,' I commanded; and as he did not obey, I gave the horses a
+lash of the whip, so that before he thought of catching hold of the
+reins tighter, they were already galloping about at liberty in the
+wood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What now?' said he, and put his hands in his pockets. 'Do you think
+they will let themselves be caught?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Not by you!' laughed I, for I was sure of my favourites.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And when at a low whistle from my lips they both came racing along
+from the distance and snuffled about affectionately at my neck with
+their nostrils, my heart swelled with pride that there were creatures
+on earth, though only dumb animals, who bowed to my might and were
+subject to me through love; and triumphantly I looked up at him as if
+now he must know me as I really was, and what I required of the world.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But I could see that even now I had not impressed him. 'Well done,
+little one!' he said, nothing more, patted me on the shoulder in
+fatherly manner, and then threw himself down carelessly upon the grass.
+The sun's rays, which broke through the foliage, glittered in his
+beard. Like a hero in repose he appeared to me, like those described in
+northern saga.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But just as I was about to grow absorbed in my romancing, he began to
+yawn most fearfully, so that I was very quickly and rudely transferred
+to prose.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But we are not going to stay here. Sir Cousin.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Don't be foolish, little one,' said he, closing his eyes; 'do like
+me, let us sleep.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then a frolicsome mood possessed me, and I stepped up to him and shook
+him soundly by the collar.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He snatched at my dress, but I evaded him, so that he jumped to his
+feet and attempted to lay hold of me. Then I walked quietly to meet him
+and said, 'That's right, now come along.' And then I led him right
+through a dense thicket of thorns, down the steep slope, at the foot of
+which the deep water lay like a dark mirror. Down there broadleaved
+convolvuli and creepers had formed a natural bower above a projecting
+block of stone, in which even at high noon one could sit almost in the
+dark.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thither I led him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Upon my word, it is delightful here, little one,' he said, and
+comfortably stretched himself upon the stone, so that his feet hung
+down to the water. 'Come, sit down at my side; ... there is room for us
+both.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I did as he wished, but seated myself so that I could look down upon
+him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He pretended to be sleeping, and now and again blinked up at me
+through half-closed lids.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then the thought suddenly came to me, 'Now, if you were Martha, what
+should you do?' and I was so startled by it that my blood gushed up
+hotly into my face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Are you easily frightened, little one?' he asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I shook my head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then come here!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I am here at your side.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Place yourself in front of me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I did so. My feet almost touched the flat edge of the stone.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Suddenly he raised himself, clasped me as quick as lightning about the
+waist, and at the same moment I felt myself suspended in mid-air above
+the water. I looked at him and laughed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Let me tell you.' said he, 'that it is not by any means a laughing
+matter. If I let you drop----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I shall be drowned--so let me drop.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No, first you must make a confession to me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What confession?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why you do not like me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I drew a deep breath. At the same time I felt that the soles of my
+feet were already being wetted by the surface of the water. He must not
+let me sink any lower. A delicious feeling of powerlessness came over
+me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I do like you.' I said.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then why do you give me such disagreeable answers?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Because I am a disagreeable creature.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That is certainly plausible,' laughed he, and with rapid swing lifted
+me up like a feather so that I came to stand once more upon the stone.
+'There, now sit down, we will talk sensibly.' Then he took my hand and
+continued: 'See, I am a simple fellow, have worked hard and given
+little thought to sharpening my wit. You with your quick little brain
+always kill me at the very first thrust, so that I have grown
+positively afraid of talking to you. I know you mean no harm, for it is
+not in our blood to be ill-natured; but all the same, it is not the
+proper thing. I am nearly twelve years older than you, and you almost a
+child yet. Am I right?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You are right.' said I, dejectedly, wondering privately where my
+defiance had departed to.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then why did you do it?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Because I wanted to gain your approval.' said I, and drew a deep
+breath.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He looked into my eyes amazed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Because I wanted to show you that I was not a silly thing, that my
+head was in its right place, that I----,' I stopped short and grew
+ashamed of myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He chewed his beard and looked meditatively before him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Indeed, now,' he said, 'I was in a fair way to get quite a wrong idea
+of your character. What a good thing that I followed Martha's advice!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Martha's?' I exclaimed. 'What did she advise you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Take her aside alone some time,' she said, 'and have it out with her.
+Whomever she does not love she hates, and it would pain me if she did
+not grow to love you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Did she say that?' asked I, and tears came into my eyes. 'Oh, you
+good sister, you noble soul!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, she said that and much more besides, in order to explain and
+vindicate your disposition. And as I love Martha----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Do you?' I interrupted him, eager to learn more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, very dearly,' he replied reflectively, and looked down into the
+water beneath him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My heart beat so violently that I could hardly draw my breath. So he,
+he took me into his confidence, he made a confederate of me. I could
+have embraced him there and then, so grateful did I feel towards him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And does she know it?' I inquired.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I daresay she knows it,' he remarked; 'a thing of that sort cannot be
+concealed----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What--then--you have not--told her?' I stammered.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He shook his head sadly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was awakened from all my illusions. So the arbours of our garden had
+never afforded shelter to two lovers, the moon as it shone through the
+branches had never been the witness of clandestine kisses? And all my
+romancing had proved itself nothing but idle imagination? But in the
+midst of my disillusion a deep compassion seized me for this giant,
+crouching beside me as helpless as a child. Surely, I vowed to myself,
+he shall not in vain have put his trust in me!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why did you remain silent?' I inquired further.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He looked somewhat suspiciously at my immature youth, and then began,
+heaving a deep breath:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You see, at that time I was a silly young fellow, and could not pluck
+up courage to speak; in the years of one's youth one is already so
+supremely happy if one can only now and again secure a secret pressure
+of the hand, that one thinks marriage can have no further bliss to
+offer. But----you really cannot understand all these things.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Who knows?' replied I, in my innocence; 'I have read a great deal on
+the subject already.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'The short and the long of it is.' he continued, 'that I was then
+nearly as foolish as you are at present. And now, you see, if I speak
+to her now, every word binds me with iron fetters to all eternity.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And don't you wish to bind yourself?' I asked in astonishment.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I <i>may</i> not,' he cried; 'I dare not, for I do not know if I can make
+her happy.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, of course, if you do not know that,' said I, drawing up my lips
+contemptuously, and in my heart I inferred further: 'Then he cannot
+love her either.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But he started up with sparkling eyes: 'Understand me aright, little
+one.' he cried; 'if it only depended on me, I would ask nothing better
+all my life, than to carry her in my arms, lest her foot might dash
+against a stone. But--oh, this misery--this misery!' And he tore his
+hair, so that I grew quite frightened of him. Never should I have
+thought it possible for this quiet, reflective man to behave so
+passionately.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Confide in me, Robert,' said I, placing my hand on his shoulder; 'I
+am only a foolish girl, but it will unburden your heart.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I cannot,' he groaned, 'I cannot!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why not?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Because it would be humiliating--for you too. Only this much I will
+tell you: Martha is a delicate, tender, sensitive creature; she would
+never be able to hold her own against the flood of cares and misfortune
+which must pour down upon her there. She would be broken like a weak
+blade of corn at the first onset of the storm. And what good would it
+be, if a few years after our wedding I had to carry her to her grave?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A cold shudder runs through me, when I think how that word of presage
+came to be so terribly realised; but at that moment there was nothing
+to warn me. I only felt the ardent desire to give as romantic a turn as
+possible to this, to my mind, much too prosaic love affair.
+Unfortunately there was not much to be done at present. So at least I
+assumed a knowing air, and sought in my memory for some of the phrases
+with which worthy sibyls and father confessors are wont to feed the
+soul of unhappy lovers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And he, this big child, drank in the foolish words of comfort like one
+dying of thirst.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But will she have patience?' he asked, and showed signs of becoming
+disheartened again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She will! Depend upon it,' I cried, eagerly; 'as she has waited so
+long, she will wait for another year or two. You will see how gladly
+she will submit.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And what if even later nothing should come of it?' he objected, 'if I
+should have disappointed her hopes, have played the fool with her
+heart? No, I will not speak; they may drag my tongue out of my mouth,
+but I will not speak!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'If you did not intend to speak, why then did you come?' asked I.
+Heaven knows how this two-edged idea got into my foolish young girl's
+head. I felt darkly that I was committing a cruelty when I put it into
+words, but now it was too late. I saw how his face grew pale, I felt
+how his breath swelled up hot and heavy and poured itself forth upon me
+in a sigh.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I am an honest man, Olga,' he muttered between his teeth; 'you must
+not torture me. But as you have asked, you shall have an answer. I came
+because I could bear life without her no longer, because by a sight of
+her I wanted to gather up strength and comfort for sad days to come,
+and because--because in my heart of hearts I still cherished the faint
+hope that things might be different here, that it might be possible for
+her to come with me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And is it not possible?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No! Do not ask why; let it suffice you that I say no.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then suddenly he bent down towards me, took hold of both my hands, and
+said, from the very depths of his soul: 'See, Olga, more has come of
+our good fellowship than we both could suspect an hour ago. Will you
+now stand by me faithfully, and help me as much as lies in your power?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I will,' said I, and felt very solemn the while.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I know you are no longer a child,' he went on; 'you are a sensible
+and brave girl and do not swerve from anything you undertake. Will you
+keep watch over her, so that she does not lose heart, even if I now go
+away again in silence. Will you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I will!' I repeated.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And will you sometimes write to me, to tell me how she is? Whether
+she is well, and of good courage? Will you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I will!' I said, for the third time.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then come, give me a kiss, and let us be good friends, now and
+always.' And he kissed me on my mouth....</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Five minutes later we were on our horses and riding hurriedly towards
+the home farm; for it already was beginning to grow dark.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You stayed away a long time,' said Martha, who was standing in her
+white apron on the verandah, and smiled at us from afar. When I saw
+her, I felt as if I could never find enough tenderness to pour out upon
+my sister. I hastened towards her and kissed her passionately, but at
+the same moment I regretted it, for it appeared to me as if I were
+thereby wiping his kiss from my lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Embarrassed, I desisted, and slunk away. At supper I constantly hung
+upon his eyes, for I thought he must make known our secret
+understanding by some sign. But he did not think of any such thing.
+Only when we shook hands after the meal he pressed mine in quite a
+peculiar way, as he had never done before. I was as pleased as if I had
+received some valuable present.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;On that evening I could hardly await the time when I might go to bed
+and put out the light; then I was often wont to stare for an hour at a
+time into the darkness, dreaming to myself. It was in my power to keep
+awake as long as I wished, and to go to sleep as soon as I thought it
+time. I had only to bury my head in the pillows and I was off. To-day I
+stretched myself in my bed with a sense of well-being such as I had
+never before in my life experienced. I felt as if every wish of my life
+had been fulfilled. My cheeks burnt, and on my lips there still
+distinctly remained the slight tingling sensation of that kiss--the
+first kiss with which a man,--papa of course did not count--had kissed
+me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And if, strictly speaking, it had been meant for some one else, what
+did that matter to me? I was still so young I could not yet lay claim
+to anything of the kind for my own self.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thereupon I once more fell into my favourite reverie as to what I
+should do if I were in Martha's place. Thus I had no need to destroy
+the fancies which to-day had been proved only idle chimera, but could
+go on spinning them out to my heart's content, and I did spin them out,
+waking and sleeping, till early morning.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Two days later he drove off. A few hours before he took his leave, he
+had a long conference with Martha in the garden. Without any feeling of
+jealousy I saw them disappear together, and it afforded me unspeakable
+pleasure to keep watch at the gate so that no one should surprise them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When they appeared again they were both silent, and looked sad and
+serious.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No, he had not declared himself; that I saw at the first glance, but
+he had spoken of the future, and probably interspersed many a little
+word of modest hope.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Before he stepped into the carriage, it so happened that he was for a
+few moments alone with me. Then he took my hand and whispered:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You will not betray one single word, will you? I can depend upon it?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I nodded eagerly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And you will write to me soon?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Certainly.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Where shall I send the answer?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I started. I had not in the remotest degree thought of that. But as
+the moment pressed, I mentioned at haphazard the name of an old
+inspector who had always been specially attached to me.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Time passed. One day followed another in the old way, and yet now how
+differently, how peculiarly the world had shaped itself for me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I no longer had any need to study love from books, and search for it
+afar off; it had stepped bodily into my existence, its sweet mysteries
+played around me, and I--oh, joy!---I was joining in the game. I was
+entangled head over ears in the intrigue that was to lay the basis of
+my sister's happiness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was like a miracle to see how after each of Robert's visits she
+revived and gained fresh strength and colour and health. Like an
+invigorating bath those few days of their intercourse had acted upon
+her, and more even than they, probably, that miraculous fountain of
+hope from which she had drunk a long and furtive draught.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Certainly the sunny cheerfulness of other days did not return to her
+again, that seemed irretrievably lost in those seven years of weary
+waiting; no song, no laughter ever issued from her lips, but over her
+features there lay spread a soft warm glow, as if a light from within
+her soul irradiated them. Nor did she any longer drag herself about the
+house with lagging, weary steps, and whoever approached her was sure of
+a friendly smile.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And as her happiness must needs find vent in love, she also attached
+herself more closely to me, and tried to gain an insight into my hidden
+and lonely thoughts. I loved her the more dearly for it, I all the more
+often invoked God's blessing upon her, but I did not give her my
+confidence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Before she, of her own accord, opened out her whole heart to me, I
+could not and would not confess how far I had already gazed into its
+depths.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Sometimes I caught myself looking across at her with a motherly
+feeling--if I may call it so for since I carried on an active
+correspondence with Robert, I imagined that it was I who held her
+happiness in my hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My vanity made of me a good genius, clad in white raiment, whose hand
+bore a palm-branch, and whose smile dispensed blessings. And meanwhile
+I counted the days till a letter from Robert came, and ran about with
+glowing cheeks when at length I carried it near my heart.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;These letters had become such a necessity to me that I could hardy
+imagine how I should ever be able to exist without them. Under pretext
+of telling him all about Martha, I most cunningly understood how to
+prattle away the cares that filled his heart--childishly and foolishly
+(as men like to hear it from us, so that they may feel themselves our
+superiors), and again at other times seriously and knowingly beyond
+my years--just as I felt in the mood. He willingly submitted to my
+chatter in all its different keys, as one submits to the piping of a
+singing-bird, and more I did not ask. For I was already so grateful
+that he allowed me--a silly young girl who had still to leave the room
+when grown-up people had serious questions to discuss--to participate
+in his great, grave love. All my dignity and self-consciousness were
+based upon this <i>rôle</i> of guardian. And thus I grew up with and by this
+love, of which never a crumb might fall for me beneath the table.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When the following autumn approached, I noticed that Martha manifested
+a peculiar restlessness. She ran about her room with excited steps,
+remained for half the nights at the open window, gesticulated and spoke
+loudly when she thought herself alone, and was violently startled
+whenever she found herself caught in the act.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I faithfully informed Robert of what I saw, and added the question
+whether he had perhaps held out any hope of his coming at this
+particular time; for Martha's whole condition seemed to me to be
+produced through painfully overwrought expectation.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I had every reason to be satisfied with the shrewdness of my seventeen
+years, for my observations proved correct.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Deeply contrite, he wrote to me that he had indeed at parting
+expressed a hope of being able to return with a cheerful face in the
+following autumn, but that he had deceived himself, that he was more
+encumbered by cares and debts than ever before, that he was working
+like a common labourer, and did not see a ray of hope anywhere.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then at least release her from the torture of waiting,' I wrote back
+to him, 'and cautiously inform our parents how you are placed.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He did so; two days later already, papa, in a bad humour, brought the
+letter along, which I--on account of my childish want of judgment--was
+not allowed to read.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;On Martha it operated in a way which terrified and deeply moved me.
+The excitement of the last weeks there and then disappeared. In its
+place there showed itself again that despairing listlessness which once
+before, in the days preceding Robert's coming, had worn her to a
+shadow; once more she fell away; once more deep blue rings appeared
+round her eyes; once more an odour of valerian proceeded from her mouth
+while she often writhed in pain. Added to this was the constant desire
+to weep, which at the smallest provocation, found vent in a torrent of
+tears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;This time papa did not send for a doctor. He could make the diagnosis
+himself. Even mama suffered with the poor girl, as far as her
+phlegmatic nature permitted, and it did not permit her to stir from her
+chimney-corner to tender help to her sickening daughter. As for me, I
+now for the first time found an opportunity of proving to my family
+that I was no longer a child, and that even in serious matters, my will
+claimed consideration. I took the burden of housekeeping upon my
+shoulders, and though they all smiled and remonstrated, and though
+Martha declared time after time that she would never suffer me, the
+younger one, to usurp her place, I had still in a fortnight, so far
+gained my point that the entire household danced to my pipe.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;That was the only time when Martha and I ever came to hard words; but
+gradually she necessarily perceived that what I did was only done for
+her sake, and finally she was the first to feel grateful to me. In
+several other things too, she learnt to submit to me; but she sought to
+deceive herself as to my influence by remarking that one must give way
+to children.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Through my intercourse with Robert, I now learnt for the first that
+one may tell lies for love's sake. I concealed from him the sad effects
+of his letter, yes, I even unblushingly wrote to him that everything
+was as well as could be. I acted thus, because I reflected that the
+truth would plunge him into a thousand new cares and anxieties, which
+must absolutely crush him, as he was powerless to help. But it was very
+hard for me to keep up my light chatty tone, and often some joke seemed
+to freeze in my pen.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And things grew more and more troubled. Papa was despondent because
+failure of crops had destroyed his best prospects, mama grumbled
+because no one came to amuse her, and Martha faded away more and more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Christmas drew near--such a gloomy one as our happy home had never
+before witnessed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Round the burning Christmas tree which I had this time trimmed and
+lighted in Martha's stead, we stood and did not know what to say to
+each other for very heaviness of heart. And because no one else did so,
+I had to assume a forced smile and attempt to scare the wrinkles from
+their brows. But I got very little response indeed, and finally we
+shook hands and said 'good-night,' so that each might retire to his
+room, for we felt that anyhow we could not get on together.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I came to Martha, who sat silently in a corner, gazing vacantly
+at the dying candles, a painful feeling darted through my breast, as if
+I were committing some wrong towards her, which I ought to redress. But
+I did not know what this wrong could be.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She kissed me on my forehead and said: 'May God ever let you keep your
+brave heart, my child; I thank you for every joke to which you forced
+yourself to-day.' I, however, knew not what to reply, for that
+consciousness of guilt, which I could not grasp, was gnawing at my
+soul. When I was alone in my room, I thought to myself, 'There, now you
+will celebrate Christmas.' I took Robert's letters out of the drawer
+where I kept them carefully hidden, and determined to read at them far
+into the night.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The storm rattled my shutters, snow-flakes drifted with a soft rustle
+against the window-panes, and above, there peacefully gleamed the
+green-shaded hanging lamp.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then, as I comfortably spread out the little heap of letters in front
+of me, I heard next door, in Martha's room, a dull thud and thereupon
+an indistinct noise that sounded to me like praying and sobbing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That is how <i>she</i> celebrates Christmas,' I said, involuntarily
+folding my hands, and again I felt that pang at my heart, as if I were
+acting deceitfully and heartlessly towards my sister.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And I brooded over it again till it became clear to me that the
+letters were to blame.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Do I not write and keep silence all for her good?' I asked myself;
+but my conscience would not be bribed; it answered: 'No.' Like flames
+of fire my blood shot up into my face, for I recognised with what
+pleasure my own heart hung upon those letters. 'What would she not give
+for one of these papers?' I went on thinking, 'She who perhaps no
+longer believes in his love, who is wrestling with the fear that he
+only did not come because he meant to tear asunder the ties that bind
+him to her heart.' 'And you hear her sobbing?' the voice within me
+continued, 'you leave her in her anguish, and meanwhile comfort
+yourself with the knowledge that you share a secret with him, with him
+who belongs to her alone?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I clasped my hands before my face; shame so powerfully possessed me,
+that I was afraid of the light which shone down upon me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Give her the letters!' the voice cried suddenly, and cried so loudly
+and distinctly that I thought the storm must have shouted the words in
+my ears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I fought a hard battle; but each time my good intention wavered,
+hard pressed by the fear of breaking my word to him, and by the wish to
+remain still longer in secret correspondence with him, her sobbing and
+praying reached me more distinctly and confused my senses so, that I
+felt like fleeing to the ends of the earth in order to hear no more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And at length I had made up my mind. I carefully packed the letters
+together in a neat little heap, tied them round with a silk ribbon, and
+set about carrying them across to her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That shall be your Christmas present,' said I, for I remembered that
+this year I had not been able to embroider or crochet anything for her,
+as had usually been the custom between us. And as he who gives likes to
+clothe his doings in theatrical garb in order to hide his overflowing
+heart, I determined first to act a little comedy with her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I crept, half-dressed as I was, down into the sitting-room, where our
+presents were spread under the Christmas tree, groped in the dark for
+her plate, gathered up what lay beside it, and on the top of all placed
+the little packet of letters. Thus laden, I came to her door and
+knocked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I heard a sound like some one dragging himself up from the floor, and
+after a long while--she was probably drying her eyes first--her voice
+was heard at the door, asking who was there and what was wanted of her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'It is I, Martha.' I said, 'I come to bring you--your plate--you left
+it downstairs.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Take it with you into your room, I will fetch it to-morrow,' she
+replied, trying hard to suppress the sobs in her voice.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But something else has been added,' said I, and my words too were
+almost choked with tears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then give it me to-morrow.' she replied, 'I am already undressed.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But it is from me,' said I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And because, despite her misery, in the kindness of her heart she did
+not want to hurt my feelings, she opened the door. I rushed up to her
+and wept upon her neck, while I kept tight hold of the plate with my
+left hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Whatever is the matter with you, child?' she asked, and patted me. 'A
+little while ago you seemed the only cheerful one, and now----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I pulled myself together, led her under the light, and pointed to the
+plate. At the first glance she recognised the handwriting, grew as
+white as a sheet, and stared at me like one possessed, out of eyes that
+were red with weeping.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Take them, take them!' said I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She stretched out her hand, but it shrank back as at the touch of
+red-hot iron.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'See, Martha!' said I, with the desire to revenge myself for her
+silence, and at the same time to brag a little, 'you had no confidence
+in me; you considered me too childish, but I saw through everything,
+and while you were fretting, I was up and doing.' Still she continued
+to stare at me, without power of comprehension. 'You imagine that he no
+longer cares about you,' I went on, 'while all the time I have had to
+give him regular account of your doings and of the state of your
+health. Every week----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She staggered back, seized her head with both her hands, and then
+suddenly a shudder seemed to pass through her frame. She stepped close
+up to me, grasped my two hands, and with a peculiarly hoarse voice she
+said, 'Look me in the face, Olga! Which of you two wrote the first
+letter?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I,' said I, astonished, for I did not yet know what she was driving
+at.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And you--you betrayed to him the state of my feelings--you--<i>offered</i>
+me, Olga?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What puts such an idea into your head?' said I. 'He himself confessed
+everything to me when he was here. Oh, he knew me better than you.' I
+added, for I could not let this small trump slip by. 'He was not
+ashamed to confide in me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Thank God!' she murmured with a deep sigh, and folded her hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But now come, Martha,' said I, leading her to the table, 'now we will
+celebrate Christmas.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then we read the letters together, one after the other, and from
+one and all his heart, faithful and true as gold, shone forth through
+the simple, awkward words, and spread a warm glow, so that our heavily
+oppressed souls grew lighter and more cheerful, that we laughed and
+cried with cheek pressed to cheek, and almost squeezed our hands off in
+the mutual attempt to make each other feel the pressure which his warm
+red fist was wont to give.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then suddenly--it was at one place where he specially impressed
+upon me to be sure and take great care of her and watch over her and
+protect her for his sake--her happiness overwhelmed her, and--I blush
+to write it down--she fell on her knees before me and pressed her lips
+to my hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But, though I was much startled, I no longer felt anything of that
+pricking and gnawing which a little while before, under the Christmas
+tree, had so sorely beset my bosom. I knew that my guilt was blotted
+out, and with a free light heart I vowed to myself now indeed to watch
+like a guardian angel over my sister, who was so much more feeble and
+in want of direction than I, the foolish and immature child. And she
+felt this herself, for unresistingly she, who had hitherto treated me
+as a child, submitted to my guidance.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At last I had attained the desire of my heart. I had a human being
+whom I could pet and spoil as much as I pleased; and, now that every
+barrier between us had fallen, I lavished upon my sister all the
+tenderness which had for so long been stored up unused within me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Father and mother were not a little surprised at the newly-awakened
+cordiality of our relations to each other, that just latterly had left
+much to be desired, and Martha herself could hardly grow accustomed to
+the change. She contemplated me every day in new astonishment, and
+often said, 'How could I suspect that there was so much love within
+you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If she could only have known what a sacrifice it cost me to divulge my
+secret, she would have put a still higher value upon my love.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, I had rightly guessed how it would be: from the moment when
+Martha had held the letters in her hand, the happiness of my secret
+understanding with Robert was at an end for me. Like a stranger he now
+appeared to me, and when I sat down to write to him I felt like a mere
+machine that has to copy other people's thoughts. Often I even passed
+on a letter unread to Martha as soon as I received it from the
+inspector's hands. Sometimes it worried me that I had abused his
+confidence to such an extent, for he suspected nothing of her
+knowledge; but when I looked at her, saw her newly-awakening smile and
+the quiet, dreamy happiness that shone forth from her eyes, I consoled
+my conscience with the thought that I could not possibly have committed
+any wrong. So far I had only become his betrayer; soon I was to betray
+Martha too.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Winter and spring passed by swiftly, and the time came for storing the
+sheaves in the barns.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As soon as the harvest was over he intended to come; but before then,
+he wrote, there was many a hardship to be surmounted.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One day papa appeared in the kitchen, where we were, with an
+apparently indifferent air, snuffled about for a while among the pots
+and pans, and meanwhile kept on slashing at the long leggings of his
+water-boots with his riding-whip.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why you have become a Paul Pry to-day, papa?' said I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He gave a short laugh and remarked, 'Yes, I have become a Paul Pry.'
+And when he had for some time longer been running backwards and
+forwards without speaking, he suddenly stopped in front of Martha and
+said--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'If you should just have time, my child, you might come into the room
+for a moment. Mama and I have something to say to you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Ah, I see,' said I, 'that is the reason for this long preliminary.
+May I come too?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No.' he replied. 'You remain in the kitchen.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha gave me a long look, took off her apron, and went with him to
+the sitting-room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For a while all remained quiet in there. Round about me the steam was
+hissing, the pots were broiling, and one of the maids was making a
+great clatter cleaning knives; but all this noise was suddenly
+penetrated by a short, piercing cry which could only proceed from
+Martha's lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Trembling I listened, and at the same moment papa came rushing into
+the kitchen, calling for 'Water!' I hurried past him, and found my
+sister lying fainting on the ground with her head in mama's lap.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What have you been doing to Martha?' I cried, throwing myself on my
+knees beside her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No one answered me. Mama, as helpless as a child, was wringing her
+hands, and papa was chewing his moustache, to suppress his tears,
+as it seemed. Then, as I bent down over the poor creature, I saw a
+blue-speckled sheet of paper lying beside her on the floor, which I
+immediately, and unobserved by any one, appropriated.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thereupon I quickly did what was most pressing: I recalled my sister
+to consciousness, and led her, while she gazed about with vacant eyes,
+up to her room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There I laid her upon her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, and from
+time to time wanted to drink. Her spirit did not yet seem to have
+awakened again at all.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I meanwhile secretly drew the letter from my pocket, and read what I
+here record verbally; for I have carefully preserved this monument of
+motherly and sisterly affection:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My beloved Brother! Dearest Sister-in-Law!--A circumstance of a very
+painful nature compels me to write to you to-day. You are, I am sure,
+fully convinced how much I love you, and how much my heart longs to be
+in the closest possible relation to you and your children. All through
+my life I have only shown you kindness and affection, and received the
+same from you. Relying on this affection I to-day address a request to
+you, which is prompted by the anxiety of a mother's heart. To-day my
+son Robert came to us and declared that he intended asking you for your
+daughter Martha's hand; begging us at the same time to give our
+consent, with which, as a good son and also as a prudent man he cannot
+dispense, as unfortunately he still depends, to a great extent, on our
+assistance.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'If I might have followed the bent of my heart, I would have fallen
+upon his neck with tears of joy; but, unhappily, I had to keep a clear
+head for my son and my husband--who are both children--and was forced
+to tell him that on no account could anything come of this.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My dear brother, I do not wish to reproach you in any way for
+not having been able to keep your affairs straight in the course of
+years--far be it from me to mix myself up in matters that do not
+concern me; but as these matters now stand, your estate is encumbered
+with debts, and, with the exception of--as I would fain believe--an
+ample 'trousseau,' your daughters would not have a farthing of dowry to
+expect. On the other hand, my son Robert's estate is also heavily
+embarrassed through the payments which he had to make to us and his
+sisters and brothers--as well as by the mortgages which we still hold
+upon it, and by the interests of which we and my other children have to
+live--so that marriage with a poor girl would simply mean ruin to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I do not take into account that your daughter Martha must--according
+to your letters--be a weakly and delicate creature, and therefore
+appears to me utterly unfit to take cheerfully upon herself the cares
+of this large household and to render my son Robert happy; the idea
+that she would come into his house with empty hands is in itself
+decisive for me, and suffices to convince me that she herself must
+become unhappy and make him so.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'If your daughter Martha truly loves my son Robert, it will not prove
+hard for her to renounce all thoughts of a marriage with him in the
+interests of his welfare, provided, of course, he should still have the
+courage to propose to her in spite of his parents' opposition--although
+I do not expect such filial disobedience from him, and absolutely
+cannot imagine such a thing. I am convinced, my dear relations, that
+your brotherly and sisterly affection will prompt you to join with me
+in refusing your consent, now and for ever, to such a pernicious and
+unnatural union,</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yours, with sincere love,</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Johanna Hellinger.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'P.S.--How have your crops turned out? Winter rye with us is good, but
+the potatoes show much disease.'</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Rage at this mean and hypocritical piece of writing so possessed me,
+that loudly laughing, I crumpled the sheet of paper beneath my feet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My laughter probably hurt Martha, for it was her moaning which at
+length brought me back to my senses. There she lay now, helplessly
+smitten down, as if shattered by the blow which should have steeled her
+strength for enhanced resistance. And as I gazed down upon her,
+tortured by the consciousness of being condemned to look on idly, there
+once again broke forth from my soul that sigh of former times: 'Oh,
+that you were--she!' But what new meaning it concealed! What then had
+been folly and childishness, had now developed into seriousness of
+purpose, ready self-sacrifice, and consciousness of strength.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I determined to act as long as ever there was time yet. First of all,
+I would go to my parents, tell them what I had done, and that for a
+long time already I had been initiated into everything--and finally
+demand of them to assign to me at length that position in the family
+council which, in spite of my youth, was due to me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But I rejected this idea again. As soon as I participated in the
+deliberations of my family, it became my duty not to act contrary to
+whatever they thought good, and only if I apparently took no heed of
+anything, could I be working for the salvation of my poor sister
+according to my own plans and my own judgment.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I very soon saw how matters lay. Each one had read in the letter what
+most appealed to his nature.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Papa, quite possessed by a poor man's pride, would, after this, have
+thought it a disgrace to let his child enter a family where she would
+be looked at disparagingly. Mama, for her part, had been touched
+by the interspersed professions of affection, and thought that her
+sister-in-law's confidence ought not to be abused.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And my sister?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;That same night, as I kept watch at her bedside, I felt her place her
+hot hand upon mine and draw me gently towards her with her feeble arm.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I have something to say to you, Olga,' she whispered, still looking
+up at the ceiling with her sad eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Had we not better leave it till to-morrow?' I suggested.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'No,' she said, 'else meanwhile that will happen which must not
+happen. Henceforth all is over between him and me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You little know him,' said I.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But I know myself,' said she. 'I break it off.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Martha!' I cried, horrified.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I know very well,' she said, 'that I shall die of it, but what does
+that matter? I am of very little account. It is better so, than that I
+should make him unhappy.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You are talking in a fever, Martha,' I cried, 'for I do not think you
+silly enough to let yourself be baited by the trash of that old hag.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I feel only too well that she speaks the truth,' said she. A cold
+shudder passed through me when I heard her pronounce these despairing
+and hopeless words as calmly and composedly as if they were a formula
+of the multiplication table. 'Do not gainsay me.' she continued; 'not
+only since to-day do I know this--I have always felt something of the
+kind, and ought by rights not to have been startled to-day; but it
+certainly does upset one, when one so unexpectedly sees in writing
+before one's eyes the death sentence which hitherto one has scarcely
+dared to suggest to one's own conscience.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As eloquently as I possibly could, I remonstrated with her. I
+consigned our aunt to the blackest depths of hell, and proved to a
+nicety that she (Martha) alone was born to become the good angel in
+Robert's house. But it was no good, her faith in herself would not be
+revived; the blow had fallen upon her too heavily. And finally she
+expected it of me to write no further letter to him, and to break off
+our intercourse once and for all. I was alarmed to the depths of my
+soul, no less for my own than for her sake. I refused, too, with all
+the energy of which I was capable; but she persisted in her
+determination, and as she even threatened to betray our correspondence
+to our parents, I was at length forced to comply, whether I would or
+no.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Troubled days were in store. Martha slunk about the house like
+a ghost. Papa rode like wild through the woods, stayed away at
+meal-times, and had not a good word for any of us. Mama, our good, fat
+mama, sat knitting in her corner, and from time to time wiped the tears
+out of her eyes, while she looked round anxiously, lest any one should
+notice it. Yes, it was a sad time!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Two urgent letters from Robert had arrived. He wrote that he was in
+great trouble, and I was to send him tidings forthwith. I told Martha
+nothing of them, but I kept my promise.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A week had passed by, when I noticed that our parents were discussing
+what answer they would send to aunt. In order to exclude any suspicion
+of sneaking into a marriage, papa had the intention of binding himself
+by a final promise, and mama said 'yes,' as she said yes to everything
+that did not concern jellies and sweets.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The same day Martha declared that she felt unfit to leave her
+bed--that she had no pain, but that her limbs would not carry her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus I saw misfortune gathering more and more darkly. I dared not
+hesitate any longer.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come! Redeem your promise before it is too late.' These words I wrote
+to him. And to be quite sure, I myself ran down into the town, and
+handed the letter to the postillion who was just preparing to start for
+Prussia.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the moment when the envelope left my hands, I felt a pang at my
+heart as if I had thereby surrendered by soul to strange powers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Three times I was on the point of returning to ask my letter back, but
+when I did so in good earnest the postillion was already far away.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I climbed up the slope leading to the manor house I hid myself in
+the bushes and wept bitterly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;From that hour an agitation possessed me, such as I had never before
+in my life experienced. I felt as if fever were burning in my limbs--at
+nights I ran about my room restlessly, all day long I was on the
+look-out, and every approaching carriage drove all the blood to my
+heart.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I gave wrong answers to every question, and the very maids in the
+kitchen began to shake their heads doubtfully. A bride who is expecting
+her bridegroom could not behave more crazily.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;This state of things lasted for four days, and it was lucky for me
+that each member of the family was so engrossed with himself, else
+suspicion and cross-examination could not have been spared me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;This time I did not receive him. When I recognised his figure in the
+strange, four-horse carriage which, all besplashed with mud, tore
+through the courtyard gate, I ran up to the attic and hid in the most
+remote corner.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My face was aglow, my limbs trembled, and before my eyes fiery-red
+mists were dancing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Downstairs I heard doors banging, heard hurried steps lumber up and
+down the stairs, heard the servants' voices calling my name--I did not
+stir.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And when all had become quiet, I stole cautiously down the back
+staircase, out into the park, in the wildest wilderness of which I
+crouched down. A peculiar feeling of bitterness and shame agitated me.
+I felt as if I must take to flight, only never again to have to face
+that pair of eyes for whose coming I yet had so longingly waited. And
+then I pictured to myself what, during these moments, was most probably
+taking place in the house. Papa was sure to have been somewhat helpless
+at sight of him, for he certainly still felt the effects of that wicked
+letter; he was sure also to have resisted a little when he heard him
+utter his proposal; but then Martha had appeared--how quickly she has
+found her strength again, poor ailing creature, who but a few moments
+ago lay tired to death on the sofa, how quickly she will have forgotten
+everything that the years have brought of sorrow and sadness--and now
+they will lie in each other's embrace and not remember me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then suddenly a dark feeling of defiance awoke within me. 'Why do
+you hide away?' cried a voice. 'Have you not done your duty? Is not all
+this your work?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With a sudden jerk I raised myself up, smoothed back my tumbled hair
+from my forehead, and with firm tread and set lips I walked towards the
+house. No sound of rejoicing greeted my ears. All was quiet--quiet as
+the grave. In the dining-room I found mama alone. She had folded her
+hands and was heaving deep sighs, while great tears rolled down as far
+as her white double chin.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That is the result of her emotion.' thought I to myself, and sat down
+facing her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Wherever have you been hiding, Olga?' she said, this time drying her
+eyes quite leisurely. 'You must have a few young fowls killed for
+supper, and set the good Moselle in a cold place. Cousin Robert has
+come.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Ah, indeed,' said I, very calmly, 'where may he be?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He is speaking to papa in his study.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And where is Martha?' I asked, smiling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She gave me a disapproving look for my precociousness, and then said,
+'She is in there, too.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then I suppose I can go at once and offer my congratulations; I
+remarked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Saucy girl,' said she.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But before I could carry out my purpose the door of the adjoining room
+opened and in walked slowly, as slowly as if he came from a sepulchre,
+Robert--Cousin Robert, with ashy pale face and great drops of
+perspiration on his brow. I felt how, at sight of him, all my blood,
+too, left my face. A presentiment of evil awoke within me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Where is Martha?' I cried, hastening towards him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I do not know.' He spoke as if every word choked him. He did not even
+shake hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then papa came too, after him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Mama had got up and all three stood there and silently shook hands
+like at a funeral.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Where is Martha?' I cried once more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Go and look after her,' said papa, 'she will want you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I rushed out, up the stairs to her room. It was locked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Martha, open the door! It is I.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Nothing stirred.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I begged, I implored, I promised to make everything right again. I
+lavished endearing epithets upon her--that, too, was in vain. Nothing
+was audible except from time to time a deep breath which sounded like a
+gasp from a half-throttled throat.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then rage seized me, that I should be everywhere repulsed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I suppose I am just good enough to prepare the mourning repast.' I
+said, laughing out loud, ran to the maids and had six young chickens
+killed and even stood by calmly while the poor little creatures' blood
+squirted out of their necks.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One of them, a young cockerel, quite desperately beat its wings and
+crowed for very terror of death, while it thrust its spurs at the
+maid's fingers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Even a poor, weak animal like this resists when one tries to kill
+it,' I thought to myself, 'but my lady sister humbly kisses the hand
+that wields the knife against her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The death of these innocent beings might almost be called gay in
+comparison with the meal for which they served. No condemned criminal's
+last meal could pass more dismally. Every five minutes some one
+suddenly began to talk, and then talked as if paid for it. The others
+nodded knowingly, but I could very well see: whoever heard did not know
+what he heard, whoever talked did not know what he was talking about.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha had not put in an appearance. When we were about to separate,
+each one to go to his room, Robert seized both my hands and drew me
+into a corner.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My thanks to you, Olga,' he said, while his lips twitched, 'for
+having so faithfully taken my part. Now we will mark a long pause at
+the end of our letters.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For heaven's sake, Robert,' I stammered, 'however did this come
+about?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He shrugged his shoulders. 'I suppose I kept her waiting too long,' he
+then said; 'she has grown tired of me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was about to cry out: 'That is not true--that is not true! 'but
+behind us stood my father and informed him that, according to his wish,
+the conveyance would be ready at daybreak.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Then I am not to see you any more?' I cried, alarmed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He shook his head. 'We had better bid each other good-bye now,' he
+said, and squeezed my hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Within me a voice cried that he must not depart thus, that I must
+speak to him at any price. But I bravely suppressed the words that were
+nearly choking me. And so we once more shook hands and separated.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I had several things to do yet in the house, and while I put out some
+coffee and weighed out flour and bacon for next morning's meal, the
+words were constantly in my ears: 'You must speak to him.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then, as I went, with my candle in my hand, up to my room, I made a
+detour past his door, for I hoped I might perhaps meet him on the
+landing; but that was empty, and his door was closed. Only the sound of
+his heavy footsteps inside the room was audible throughout the house.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In Martha's room it was as silent as death. I put my ear to the
+keyhole; nothing was audible. She might as well have been dead or
+flown.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Terror seized me. I knelt down in front of the keyhole, begged and
+implored, and finally threatened to fetch our parents if she still
+persisted in giving no sign of life.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then at length she vouchsafed me an answer. I heard a voice: 'Spare
+me, child, just for to-day spare me!' And this voice sounded so strange
+that I hardly recognised it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I went on my way now, but my fear increased lest he might set forth
+with anger and disappointment in his heart, without a word of
+explanation, without ever having suspected the greatness of Martha's
+love.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A very fever burnt within my brain, and every pulsation of my veins
+cried out to me: 'You must speak to him--you must speak to him!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I half undressed and threw myself on the sofa. The clock struck
+eleven--it struck half-past eleven. Still his footsteps resounded
+through the house. But the later it was, the more did it grow
+impossible for me to carry out my resolve.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What if a servant should spy upon me--should see me stealing into our
+guest's room! My heart stood still at the thought.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The clock struck twelve. I opened the window and looked out upon the
+world. Everything seemed asleep, even from Robert's and Martha's rooms
+no light shone forth. Both were burying their sorrow and anguish in the
+lap of darkness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With the night wind that beat against the casement, the words droned
+in my ears: 'You must--you must!' And like a soft sweet melody it
+coaxed and cajoled at intervals: 'Thus you will see him again--will
+feel his hand in yours--will hear his voice--perhaps even his laugh; do
+you not want to bring him happiness--the happiness of his life?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With a sudden impulse I shut the casement, wrapped myself in my
+dressing-gown, took my slippers in my hand and stole out into the dark
+corridor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Ah, how my heart beat, how my blood coursed through my temples! I
+staggered--I was obliged to support myself by the walls.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now I stood outside his door. Even yet his footsteps shook the boards.
+But the noise of his heavy tread had ceased. He had evidently divested
+himself of his boots.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You must not knock!' it struck me suddenly, 'that would not escape
+Martha.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My hand grasped the door-handle. I shuddered. I do not know how I
+opened the door. I felt as if some one else had done it for me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Before me the outline of his mighty figure----.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A low cry from his lips--a bound towards me. Then I felt both my hands
+clutched--felt a hot wave of breath near my forehead.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the first moment the mad idea may have darted through his brain,
+that Martha had in such impetuous manner bethought herself of her old
+love--in the next he had already recognised me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For Heaven's sake, child,' he cried, 'whatever has possessed you?
+What brings you to me? Has no one possibly seen you, say--has no one
+seen you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I shook my head. He still evidently thinks you very stupid, I thought
+to myself, and drew a deep breath, for I felt the terrors of my venture
+were disappearing from my soul.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He set me free and hastened to make a light. I groped my way to the
+sofa, and dropped down in a corner.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The light of the candle flared up--it dazzled me. I turned towards the
+wall and covered my face. A feeling of weakness, a longing to cling to
+something, had come over me. I was so glad to be with him, that I
+forgot all else.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga, my dear, good child,' he urged, 'speak out, tell me what you
+want of me?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I looked up at him. I saw his swarthy, serious face, in which the
+day's trouble had graven deep furrows, and became lost in its
+contemplation.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What do you want? Do you bring me news of Martha?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, of course, Martha!' I pulled myself together. Away with this
+sentimental self-abandon! In my limbs I once more felt the firm
+strength of which I was so proud. 'Listen, Robert,' said I, 'you will
+not set out at daybreak already.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">'Why should I not do so?' said he, setting his lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Because I do not wish it!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'All due respect to your wishes, my dear child!' replied he, with a
+bitter laugh, 'but they alter nothing in my resolve.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So you want to lose Martha for ever?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now I felt myself once more so strong and joyous in my <i>rôle</i> of
+guardian, that I would have taken up fight with the whole world to
+bring these two together. Foolish, unsuspecting creature that I was!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Have I not already lost her?' he replied, and stared into vacancy.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What did she say to you to-day?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why should I repeat it? She spoke very wisely and very staidly, as
+one can only speak if one has ceased to love a person.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And you really believe that?' I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Must I not believe it? And after all, what does it signify? Even if
+she had retained a remnant of her affection for me, she did well to get
+rid of it thoroughly on this occasion; it is better thus, for her as
+well as for me. I have nothing to offer her; no happiness, no joy,
+not even some little paltry pleasure, nothing but work, and trouble,
+and anxiety--from year's end to year's end. And added to that, a
+mother-in-law who is hostile to her, who would make her feel it keenly,
+that she had come with empty hands.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt how my blood rushed to my face. I was ashamed, but not for
+Martha or myself--for I was of course just as poor as she; no, for him,
+that he should have to speak thus of his own mother.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And now say yourself, my girl,' he went on, 'is she not wiser, with
+such prospects before her, to remain in the shelter of her warm nest,
+and to send me about my business, as I could never give her anything
+but unhappiness?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He dishevelled his hair and ran about the room the while like a hunted
+animal.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert,' said I, 'you are deceiving yourself.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He stopped, looked at me and laughed out loud: 'What is it you want of
+me? Am I perhaps to demand a written confirmation of her refusal,
+before I betake myself off?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert,' I continued, without allowing myself to be put out, 'tell me
+candidly whether you love her?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Child,' he replied, 'should I be here if I did not love her?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With his huge arms outspread he stood before me. I felt as if I must
+be crushed between them if they closed around me--everything danced
+before my eyes--I squeezed myself further into my corner. And then
+there came into my thoughts what I had pictured to myself now and for
+years before; how I would love him if I were Martha, and how I should
+want him to love me in return.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'See, Robert.' I said, 'taking me altogether, I am a foolish creature.
+But as regards love, I do know about that, not only through the poets;
+I have felt it in myself for a long time.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Do you love some one then?' he asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I blushed and shook my head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How else can you feel it within you?' he went on.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'It came as an inspiration from Heaven,' I replied, lowering my gaze to
+the ground, 'but I know I would not love like you two. I would not be
+downcast, I would not steal away as you are doing and say: &quot;It is
+better so!&quot; I would compel her with the ardour of my soul; I would
+conquer her with the strength of my arms; I would clasp her to my
+breast and carry her away with me, no matter whither! Out into the
+night, into the desert, if no sun would shine upon us, no house give us
+shelter. I would starve with her at the roadside, rather than give fair
+words to the world--the world that sought to separate me from her.
+Thus, Robert, I would act if I were you; and if I were she, I would
+laughingly throw myself upon your breast, and would say to you: &quot;Come,
+I will go a-begging for you if you have no bread, my lap shall be your
+resting-place if you have no bed, your wounds I will heal with my
+tears--I will suffer a thousand deaths for your sake, and thank God
+that it is vouchsafed to me to do so.&quot; You see, Robert, that is how I
+imagine love, and not pasted together out of fear of mothers-in-law and
+unpaid interests.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I had talked myself into a passion. I felt how my cheeks were a-glow,
+and then suddenly shame overwhelmed me at the thought that I had thus
+laid bare to him my innermost being. I pressed my hands to my face, and
+struggled with my tears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I dared to look up again, he was standing before me with
+glistening eyes and staring at me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Child,' he said, 'where in all the world did you get that from? Why
+it sounded like the Song of Songs.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I set my teeth and was silent. I did not know myself how it had come
+to me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He then seated himself at my side and seized both my hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga.' he went on, 'what you just said was not exactly practical, but
+it was beautiful and true, and has stirred up the very depths of my
+soul. It seemed to me as if I were listening to a voice from some other
+world, and I am almost ashamed of having been faint-hearted and
+cowardly. But even if I braced myself up and thought as you do: what
+good would it all be, seeing that she no longer cares for me?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She not care for you?' I cried, 'she will die of it, if you leave
+her, Robert!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I saw how a joyful doubt illumined his countenance, and I felt as if a
+strange hand were gripping at my throat; but I would not let myself be
+deterred from my purpose, and gathering together all my defiance, I
+continued: 'I know, Robert, that you will despise me when you have
+heard what I am about to tell you; but I must do it, so that you may
+understand that you <i>cannot</i> depart. I have played a false game towards
+you, Robert, I have betrayed your confidence.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And with bated breath, gasping forth the words, I told him what I had
+done with his letters.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I had not nearly finished when I suddenly felt myself seized in his
+arms and clasped to his breast.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga, and this is true?' he cried, quite beside himself with joy,
+'can you swear to me that it is the truth?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I nodded affirmatively, for the tremor that ran deliciously through my
+veins had robbed me of speech.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'God bless you for this, you wise, brave girl,' he cried, and pressed
+me so firmly to his breast that I could hardly draw my breath. I let my
+head drop upon his shoulder and closed my eyes. And then I started as I
+felt his lips upon mine. It seemed to me as if a flame had touched me.
+And again and again he kissed me, quite senseless with gratitude and
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I kept thinking: 'Oh, that this moment might never end!' And tremor
+upon tremor shook my frame; quite limp I hung in his arms. Only once
+the idea darted through my mind: 'May you return his kisses?' But I did
+not dare to do so.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;How long he held me thus I do not know, I only felt my head suddenly
+fall heavily against the sofa-ledge. Then the pain awakened me as from
+a deep, deep dream.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I lay there motionless and gasped for breath. He noticed it and cried
+in alarm, 'You are growing quite pale, child; have you hurt yourself?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I nodded, and remarked that it was nothing, and would soon pass over.
+Ah! I knew too well that it would not pass over, that it would be
+graven in flaming letters upon my heart and upon my senses, that on
+many a long, cold, winter's night I should I find warmth in the glow of
+this moment, in this glow which was only the reflection of love for
+another.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I knew all that, and felt as if I must succumb beneath the weight of
+this consciousness, but I braced myself up, for I had sufficiently
+learnt to keep myself under control.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert,' said I, 'I want to give you a piece of advice, and then let
+me go, for I am tired!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Speak, speak!' he cried, 'I will blindly do whatever you wish.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then, as I looked at him, it made me sigh with mingled pain and bliss,
+for the thought kept coming to me: 'He has held you in his arms.' I
+should have liked best of all to sink back once more with closed eyes
+into the sofa-corner, and simulate fainting a little longer, but I
+pulled myself together and said: 'I am pretty certain that Martha will
+not close her eyes to-night, but be on the watch to see you go. She
+will want to look after you; and as her room lies towards the garden
+she will either go into yours or the one adjoining. When you get
+downstairs wait a little while, and then do as if you had forgotten
+something, and then--and then----' I could not go on, for all too
+mighty within me was the sobbing and rejoicing: 'He has held you in his
+arms.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I feared that I should no longer be able to master my
+excitement--without a word of farewell I turned to take to flight
+precipitately. When I opened the door--Martha stood before me. She
+stood there, barefooted, half-dressed, as pale as death, and trembling.
+She was unable to stir; her strength probably failed her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And at the same moment I heard behind me a glad cry, saw him rush past
+me and clasp her tottering form in his arms.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Thank God, now I have you!' That was the last I heard; then I fled to
+my room as if pursued by furies, locked and bolted everything, and
+wept, wept bitterly.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Over the days that now followed, with their crushing blows of fate,
+with their lingering sorrow, I will pass with rapid stride. In them I
+became matured: I became a woman.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Eight months after that night papa was carried home on a waggon-rack.
+He had fallen from his horse and sustained grave internal injuries.
+Three days later he died. In the misery that now beset the household, I
+was the only one who kept a clear head. Martha broke down feebly, and
+mama--oh, our poor dear mama! She had been sitting for so many years
+comfortably and placidly in the chimney-corner, knitting stockings and
+chewing fruit-jujubes the while, that she would not and could not
+realise that it must be different now. She spoke not a single word, she
+hardly shed a tear, but internally the sore spread, and even had the
+brain fever, which attacked her four weeks later, spared her, her
+sorrow would still have broken her heart.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There, now, those two lay in the churchyard, and we two orphans were
+left helpless in our desolate home, and waited for the time when we
+should be driven forth. I, for my part, knew which way my path lay, and
+knew that the future would have nothing to offer me but the hard bread
+of service; I did not despair and did not quarrel with my fate. I knew
+that I possessed sufficient strength and pride to hold my own even
+among strangers, but it was for Martha--who now less than ever could
+dispense with love and consolation--that I trembled.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Her marriage still lay in the far distance; Robert must not let her
+wait much longer or she might easily waste away in her misery and one
+morning silently die out like a little lamp in which the oil is
+consumed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was not deceived in him. To the funerals he had not been able to
+come; but his words of consolation had been there at all times, and had
+helped Martha over the most trying hours. For me, too, there was
+sometimes a crumb of comfort, and I eagerly seized upon it like one
+starving.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One day he himself arrived. 'Now I have come to fetch you home,' he
+cried out to Martha. She sank upon his breast and there wept her fill.
+The happy creature! I meanwhile crept away into the darkest arbour, and
+wondered whether my heart would ever find a home prepared for it, where
+it might take refuge in hours of trouble or hours of happiness! I
+very well felt that these were idle dreams, for the only place in the
+world--in short, a feeling of defiance awoke within me, of bitterness
+so great, so galling to my whole nature, that I harshly and gloomily
+fled my dear ones' embrace, and grew cold and reserved in solitary
+sadness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was to go with them, was to share the remnant of happiness that
+still remained for them, and to make a permanent home for myself at my
+brother-in-law's hearth; but coldly and obstinately I repudiated his
+offer.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In vain both of them strove to solve the riddle of my behaviour, and
+Martha, who fretted because none of her happiness was to fall to my
+share, often came at nights to my bedside and wept upon my neck. Then I
+felt ashamed of my hard disposition, spoke to her caressingly as to a
+child, and did not allow her to leave me till a smile of hope broke
+through her trouble.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For a week Robert worked hard in every direction to dispose of our
+belongings and find purchasers for them. Very little remained over for
+us; but then we did not require anything.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then, quite quietly, the wedding took place. I and the old
+head-inspector were the witnesses, and instead of a wedding breakfast
+we went out to the churchyard and bade farewell to the newly-made
+graves, whose yellow sand the ivy was beginning to cover scantily with
+thin trails.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;During the last weeks I had been looking out for a suitable situation.
+I had received several offers; I had only to choose. And when Robert,
+with grave and solemn looks, placed himself in front of me and
+solicitously asked, 'What is to become of you now, child?' with a calm
+smile I disclosed to him my plans for the future, so that he clapped
+his hands in admiration and cried 'Upon my word I envy you; you
+understand how to make your way.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And Martha too envied me, that I could see by the sad looks which she
+fastened on me and Robert. She herself wished that she might once more
+have all my unbroken, youthful strength to lay it upon his altar of
+sacrifice. I kissed her and told her to keep up her spirits, and her
+eyes with which she looked imploringly up at Robert said: 'I give you
+all that I am; forgive me that it is not more.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Next morning we set forth; the young couple to their new home--I to go
+among strangers.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Of the next three years I will say nothing at all. What I suffered
+during that time in the way of mortification and humiliation is graven
+with indelible lines upon my soul; it has finally achieved the
+hardening of my disposition, and made me cold and suspicious towards
+every living human being. I have learnt to despise their hatred and
+still more their love. I have learnt to smile when anguish was tearing
+with iron grip at my soul. I have learnt to carry my head erect, when I
+could have hidden it in the dust for very shame.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The leaden heaviness of dreary, loveless days, the terrible weight of
+darkness in sleepless nights, the loathsome dissonance of lascivious
+flattery, the endless, oppressive silence of strangers' jealousy--with
+all these I became familiar.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was indeed a hard crust of bread that I ate among strangers, and
+often enough I moistened it with my tears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The only comfort, the only pleasure that remained to me, were Martha's
+letters. She wrote often, at times even daily, and generally there was
+a postscript in Robert's scrawling, awkward handwriting. Oh, how I
+pounced upon it! How I devoured the words! Thus I lived through their
+whole life with them. It was not cheerful--no, indeed not! But still it
+was life! Often the waves of trouble closed over them; then both of
+them, strong Robert and weak Martha, were defenceless and helpless like
+two children, and I had to intervene and tender advice and
+encouragement.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Finally, I had become so well acquainted with their household that I
+could have recognised the voice and face of each of their servants, of
+every one of their friends and acquaintances.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Aunt Hellinger I hated with my most ardent hatred, the old physician I
+loved with my most ardent love, the insipid set of Philistines who had
+such a spiteful way of looking at everything, and so exactly reckoned
+out on their fingers the progress of decay on Robert's estate, I held
+in iciest contempt. 'Oh that I were in her place!' I often muttered
+between my set teeth, when Martha plaintively described the little
+trials of their social intercourse, 'how I would send them about their
+business, these cold, haughty shopkeepers! how they should crawl in the
+dust before me, subdued by my scorn and mockery!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But her little joys I also shared with her. I saw her ordering and
+disposing as mistress in and out of the house, saw the little band of
+willing servants around her, and wished I could have been still gentler
+and more helpful than she--this angel in human shape. I saw her seated
+on the sunny balcony, bending over her needlework. I saw her taking her
+afternoon rest under the great branches of the limes in the garden. I
+saw her, as she sat waiting for his appearance, dreamily gazing out
+upon the whirling snow-flakes, when, outside, his deep voice resounded
+across the courtyard, and inside, the coffee-machine was cosily
+humming.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus I lived their life with them, while for me one lonely and joyless
+day joined on to the next like the iron links of an endless chain.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was in the third year that Martha confessed to me that Robert's
+ardent wish and her own silent prayer was to be fulfilled--that she was
+to become a mother. But at the same time her terror grew, lest her
+weak, frail body should not be equal to the trial which was in store
+for her. I hoped and feared with her, and perhaps more than she, for
+loneliness and distance distorted the visions of my imagination. Many a
+night I woke up bathed in tears; for in my dreams I had already seen
+her as a corpse before me. A memory of my earliest girlhood returned to
+me, when I had found her one day, rigid and pale, like one dead, upon
+the sofa.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;This vision did not leave me. The nearer the decisive term approached,
+the more was I consumed with anxiety. I began to suffer bodily from the
+misgivings of my brain, and the strangers among whom I dwelt--I will
+not mention them by name, for they are not worth naming in these
+pages--grew to be mere phantoms for me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha's last letters sounded proud and full of joyful hope. Her fear
+seemed to have disappeared; she already revelled in the delights of
+approaching maternity.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then followed three days in which I remained without news, three days
+of feverish anxiety, and then at length came a telegram from my
+brother-in-law--'Martha safely delivered of a boy, wants you. Come
+quickly.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With the telegram in my hand, I hastened to my mistress and asked for
+the necessary leave of absence. It was refused me. I, in wildly aroused
+fury, flung my notice to quit in her face, and demanded my freedom
+instantly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;They tried to find excuses, said I could not be spared just then, that
+I must at least make up my accounts, and formally hand over my
+management; the long and the short of it was, that by means of
+despicable pretexts they delayed me for two days, as if to make the
+dependant, who had always behaved so proudly, feel once more to the
+full the degradation of her humble position.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then came a night full of dull stupefaction in the midst of the
+sense-confusing noise of a railway carriage, a morning of shivering
+expectation spent amidst trunks and hat-boxes in a dreary waiting-room,
+where the smell of beer turned one faint. Then a further six hours,
+jammed in between a commercial traveller and a Polish Jew, in the
+stuffy cushions of a postchaise, and at last--at last in the red glow
+of the clear autumn evening, the towers of the little town appeared in
+view, near the walls of which those dearest to me--the only dear ones I
+possessed in the world--had built their nest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The sun was setting when I alighted from the postchaise, between the
+wheels of which dead leaves were whirling about in little circles.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With fast beating heart I looked about me. I thought I saw Robert's
+giant figure coming towards me; but only a few stray idlers were
+loafing around, and gaped at my strange apparition. I asked the
+conductor the way, and, relying for the rest upon Martha's description,
+I set forth alone on my search.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In front of the low shop doors, groups were standing gossiping, and
+people out for a walk sauntered leisurely towards me. At my approach
+they stopped short, staring at me like at some wonderful bird; and when
+I had passed, low whispers and giggles sounded behind me. A horror
+seized me at this miserable Philistinism.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Not until I saw the town gate with its towerlike walls rise up before
+me, did my mind grow easier. I knew it quite well. Martha in her
+letters was wont to call it the 'Gate of Hell,' for through it she had
+to pass when an invitation from her I mother-in-law summoned her into
+the town.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As I walked through the dark vaulting, I suddenly saw on the other
+side of the archway, framed as it were in a black frame, the 'Manor'
+before my eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It lay hardly a thousand paces away from me. The white walls of the
+manor house gleamed across waving bushes, flooded by the purple rays of
+the setting sun. The zinc-covered roof glistened as if a cascade of
+foaming water were gliding down over it. From the windows flames seemed
+to be bursting, and a storm-cloud hung like a canopy of black curdling
+smoke over the coping.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I pressed my hands to my heart; its beating almost took my breath, so
+deeply did the sight affect me. For a moment I had a feeling as if I
+must turn back there and then, and hasten away precipitately from this
+place, never stopping or staying till the distance gave me shelter.
+All my anxiety for Martha was swallowed up in this mysterious fear,
+which almost strangled me. I rebuked myself for being foolish and
+cowardly, and, gathering together all my strength, I proceeded along
+the country road in which half-dried-up puddles gleamed like mirrors in
+the cart-ruts. Through the crests of the poplars above me there passed
+a hoarse rustling, which accompanied me till I reached the courtyard
+gate. Just as I entered it, the last sunbeam disappeared behind the
+walls of the manor and the darkness of the mighty lime trees, which
+spread from the park across the path, so suddenly enveloped me that I
+thought night had come on.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;To the right and left tumble-down brickwork, overgrown with
+half-withered celandine, jutted out above ragged thorn-bushes--the
+remains of the old castle, upon the ruins of which the manor house had
+been erected. An atmosphere of death and decay seemed to lie over it
+all.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I spied fearfully across the vast courtyard, which the dusk of evening
+was beginning to cloak in blue mists. At every sound I started; I felt
+as if Robert's mighty voice must shout a welcome to me. The courtyard
+was empty, the silence of the vesper hour rested upon it. Only from one
+of the stable-doors there came the peculiar hissing sound which the
+sharpening of a scythe produces. A scent of new-mown hay filled the air
+with its peculiarly sweet, pungent aroma.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Slowly and timidly, like an intruder, I crept along the garden
+railings towards the manor house, that seemed to look down upon
+me grimly and forbiddingly, with its granite pillars and its
+weather-beaten turrets and gables. Here and there the stucco had
+crumbled away, and the blackish bricks of the wall appeared beneath it.
+It looked as if time, like a long illness, had covered this venerable
+body with scars. The front door stood ajar. A large dark hall opened
+before me, from which a peculiar odour of fresh chalk and damp fungi
+streamed towards me--through small coloured glass windows, placed like
+glowing nests close under the ceiling and all covered with cobwebs, a
+dim twilight penetrated this space, hardly sufficient to bring into
+light the immense cupboards ranged along the walls. A brighter gleam
+fell upon a broad flight of stairs worn hollow, the steps of which
+rested upon stone pilasters. High vaulted oaken doors led to the inner
+apartments, but I did not venture to approach one of them. They seemed
+to me like prison gates. I was still standing there, timidly trying to
+find my way, when the front door was torn open and through the wide
+aperture two great yellow-spotted hounds rushed upon me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I uttered a cry. The monsters jumped up at me, snuffed at my clothes,
+and then raced back to the door, barking and yelling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Who is there?' cried a voice, whose deep-sounding modulations I had
+so often fancied I heard in waking and dreaming. The aperture was
+darkened. There he stood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Red mists seemed to roll before my eyes. I felt as if my feet were
+rooted to the ground. Breathing heavily, I leant against the stair
+column.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Who the deuce is there?' he cried once more, while he vainly tried to
+pierce the darkness with his eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I gathered up all my defiance. Calmly and proudly, as I had bid him
+farewell years before, would I meet him again to-day. What need for him
+to know how much I had suffered since then!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Olga--really--Olga--is it you?' The suppressed delight that
+penetrated through his words gave me a warm thrill of pleasure. I felt
+for a moment as if I must throw myself upon his breast and weep out my
+heart there, but I kept my composure.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Were you not expecting me?' I asked, mechanically stretching out my
+hand to him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh, yes--of course--we have been expecting you every hour for the last
+two days--that is, we began to think----&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He had clasped my hand in both his, and was trying to look into my
+face. A peculiar mixture of cordiality and awkwardness lay in his
+manner. It seemed as if he were vainly trying to discover traces of his
+former good friend in me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How is Martha?' I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You will see for yourself.' he replied. 'I do not understand these
+things. To me she appears so weak and so fragile that I tell myself it
+will be a miracle if she survives it. But the doctor says she is
+getting on well, and I suppose he must know best.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And the child?' I asked further.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A low, suppressed laugh sounded down to me through the semi-obscurity.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'The child--h'm--the child----' and instead of completing his
+sentence, he gave the dogs a kick, which sent them tearing out of the
+house forthwith.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come,' he then said, 'I will show you the way.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;We went upstairs, silently, without looking at each other.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You have grown a stranger to him!' I thought to myself, and terror
+arose within me, as if I had lost some long-cherished happiness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Wait a moment,' he said, pointing to one of the nearest doors. 'I
+should like to say a word to her to prepare her; the excitement, else,
+might hurt her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Next moment I stood alone in a dark, high-vaulted corridor, at the
+further end of which the rays of the departing day shone in dark
+glowing flames, and cast a long streak of light upon the shining flags
+of the flooring. Undefined sounds, like the singing of a child's voice,
+floated past my ears, when the draught caught in the arches.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A low cry of joy, which penetrated to me through the door, made me
+start up. My blood welled hotly to my heart: I felt as if its rushing
+must choke me. Then the door opened, Robert's hand groped for me in the
+darkness. Quite dazed, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, and only
+recovered myself when I had dropped on my knees at a bedside, burying
+my face in the pillows, while a moist, hot hand lovingly stroked my
+head. A feeling of homeliness, soft and soothing, such as I had not
+known for years, cajoled my senses. I feared to raise my eyes, for I
+thought it must all be lost to me again if I did.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Like a blessing from above the hand rested upon my head. Supreme
+gratitude filled my breast. I seized the hand which trembled in mine
+and pressed my lips upon it long and passionately.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What are you doing there, sister--what are you doing?' I heard her
+tired, slightly veiled voice.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I raised myself up. There she lay before me, pale and thin-faced, with
+dark hollows round her eyes, in which tears were glistening. Like a
+flake of snow she lay there, so delicate and so white; blue, swollen
+veins were traceable on her wan neck, and on her forehead, which seemed
+to shine as with a light from within, there stood beads of
+perspiration. She was aged and worn since I had last seen her, and it
+did not seem as if the crisis of the birth alone had acted
+destructively upon her. But her smile remained the same as of old, that
+loving, comforting, blessing-dispensing smile, with which she helped
+every one, even though she herself might be utterly helpless.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And now you will not go away again,' she said, looking at me as if
+she could never gaze her fill; 'you will stay with us--for always.
+Promise it me--promise it me now at once!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was silent. Happiness had come upon me, burning like a fire from
+heaven. It tortured me, it hurt me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Do help me to entreat her, Robert.' she began anew.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I started. I had entirely forgotten him, and now his presence acted
+upon me like a reproach.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Give me time to consider it--till to-morrow.' I said, raising
+myself up. A dark presentiment awoke within me that here would be no
+abiding-place for me for long. Such happiness would have been too great
+for me, unhappy being, whom fate mercilessly drove among strangers.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I saw that Martha was anxious to spare my feelings.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Till to-morrow, then.' she said softly, and squeezed my hand; 'and
+to-morrow you will have found out how necessary you are to us, and that
+we should be crazy if we let you go away again; isn't it so, Robert?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Of course--why, of course!' he said, and with that burst into a laugh
+which sounded to me strangely forced. He evidently did not feel
+comfortable in the presence of us two. And soon after he took up his
+cap and showed signs of going off quietly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Won't you show her our child?' whispered Martha, and a smile of
+unutterable bliss spread over her wasted features.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come.' he said, 'it sleeps in the next room.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He preceded me. With difficulty he pushed his huge figure through the
+half-open door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;There stood the cradle, lit up by the red rays of the setting sun.
+From among the pillows there peeped a little copper-coloured head,
+hardly larger than an apple. The wrinkled eyelids were closed, and in
+the little mouth was stuck one of the tiny fists, its fingers
+contracted, as if in a cramp.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My glance travelled stealthily up from the child to its father. He had
+folded his hands. Devoutly he looked down upon this little human being.
+An uncertain smile, half-pleased, half-embarrassed, played about his
+lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now, for the first time, I was able to contemplate him calmly. The
+purple evening rays lay bright upon his face, and brought to light,
+plainly and distinctly, the furrows and wrinkles which the three last
+years had graven upon it. Shades of gloomy care rested upon his brow,
+his eyes had lost their lustre, and round about his mouth a twitching
+seemed to speak to me of dull submission and impotent defiance.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Unutterable pity welled up within me. I felt as if I must grasp his
+hands and say to him, 'Confide in me--I am strong; let me share your
+trouble.' Then, when he raised his eyes, I was terrified lest he should
+have noticed my glance, and hastily kneeling down in front of the
+cradle, I pressed my lips upon the little face, which started as if in
+pain at my touch.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I got up I saw that he had left the room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha's eyes shone in anxious expectation when she saw me. She wanted
+to hear her child admired.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Isn't it pretty?' she whispered, and stretched out her weak arms
+towards me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And when her mother's heart was satiated with pride, she bade me sit
+down beside her on the pillows and nestled with her head up to my knee,
+so that it almost came to lie in my lap.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, how cool that is!' she murmured, closed her eyes, and breathed
+deeply and quietly as if asleep. With my handkerchief I wiped the
+perspiration from her forehead.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She nodded gratefully, and said: 'I am just a little exhausted yet,
+and my limbs feel as if they were broken; but I hope to be able to get
+up again to-morrow, and look after the household.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For heaven's sake, what are you dreaming of?' I cried, horrified.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She sighed. 'I must--I must. It does not let me rest.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What does not let you rest?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She did not answer, and then suddenly she began to weep bitterly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I calmed her, I kissed the tears from her lashes and cheeks, and
+implored her to pour out her heart to me. 'Are you not happy? Isn't he
+good to you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He is as good to me as God's mercy; but I am not happy--I am
+wretched, sister; so wretched that I cannot describe it to you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And why, in all the world?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I am afraid!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Of what?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That I--make him unhappy; that I am not the right one for him.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A sudden icy coldness ran through me. It seemed to emanate from her
+body upon mine.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You see, you feel it too!' she whispered, and looked up at me with
+great frightened eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You are foolish.' I said, and forced myself to laugh; but the
+chillness did not leave my limbs. A dark suspicion told me that perhaps
+she might be right. But now it was for me to comfort her!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'However could you give way to such silly self-torture?' I cried.
+'Does not his behaviour at all times prove to you how wrong you are?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I know, what I know,' she answered, softly; with that obstinacy of
+endurance which is given as a weapon to the weak. 'And what I am now
+telling you, does not date from to-day--the fear is years old; I had it
+in my heart already before I was engaged to him, and I quite well knew
+at that time why I refused him--for very love!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Martha, Martha!' I cried, reproachfully; 'it seems to me that you
+concealed a great deal from me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'At that time I did tell you everything,' she replied. 'You only would
+not believe me; you wanted to make me happy by force, and later why
+should I say anything? On paper everything sounds so different from
+what one means; you might even have thought you discovered a reproach
+against him or even against yourself, and naturally I could not risk
+such a misunderstanding growing up. My misery already began on the
+first day when we arrived here. I saw how he and his mother fell out,
+and a voice within me cried: &quot;You are the cause of it.&quot; I saw how he
+grew sadder and gloomier from day to day, and again and again I said in
+my heart: &quot;You are the cause of it.&quot; At nights I lay awake at his side,
+and tortured myself with the thought: why are you so dull and so
+depressing, and why can you do nothing but cling to him weeping, and
+suffer doubly when you see him suffering? Why have you not learnt to
+greet him with a song as soon as he comes in, and with a laugh to kiss
+away the wrinkles from his brow? And more than this. Why are you not
+proud, and strong, and wise, and why can you not say to him: Take
+refuge with me, when you are fainthearted--from me you shall derive new
+strength, and I will take care that you do not stumble. This is how you
+would have done, sister--no--do not contradict me; often enough I have
+imagined how you would have stood there with your tall figure, and
+would have opened out your arms to him so that he might seek shelter
+within them, like in a harbour where storms do not dare to enter....
+But look at <i>me</i>'--and she cast a pitiable glance at her poor, delicate
+frame, the haggard outlines of which were traceable beneath the
+coverlet--'would it not sound ridiculous if I were to say anything of
+the sort? I, who am almost submerged in his arms, so small and weak am
+I,--I am only here to seek shelter; to give shelter is not in my
+power.... Do you see; all this I have thought out in the long, dark
+nights, and have grown more and more despondent. And in the mornings I
+forced myself to laugh, and tried to pass for a sort of cheerful, happy
+little bird, for this <i>rôle</i>, I thought to myself, is the most suitable
+one for you, and is most likely to please him; but song and laughter
+stuck in my throat, and I daresay he could see it too, for he smiled
+pitifully to it all, so that I felt doubly ashamed.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She stopped exhausted, and hid her face in my dress, then she
+continued:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And as that would not do, I tried at least to compensate him in other
+ways. You know that all my life I have toiled and moiled, but never
+have I worked so hard as in these three years. And when I felt myself
+growing faint and my knees threatened to give way under me, the thought
+spurred me on again: &quot;Show that at least you are of <i>some</i> good to him;
+do not ever let him become conscious of how little he possesses in
+you.... But of what avail is it all! My efforts are not the least good.
+Everything goes topsy-turvy all the same, as soon as ever I turn my
+back. I am constantly in terror lest one day my management should no
+longer suffice him.&quot;'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus the poor creature lamented, and I felt positively frightened at
+so much misery.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Listen, I have a favour to ask of you,' she begged at last, and
+clutched my hands; 'do try and sound him as to whether he is--is
+satisfied with me, and then come and tell me.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I drew her to me; I lavished loving epithets upon her, and endeavoured
+to soothe away her fear and trouble. Eagerly she drank in every one of
+my words; her feverishly glowing eyes hung spellbound upon my lips, and
+from time to time a feeble sigh escaped her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, if I had always had you near me!' she cried, stroking my hands.
+But then a fresh idea seemed to make her despondent again. I urged her,
+but she would not put it into words, until at length it came out with
+stuttering and stammering.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You will do everything a thousand times better than I; you will show
+him what he <i>might</i> have had, and what he <i>has</i>. Through you he will
+finally realise what a miserable creature I am.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was alarmed; then I felt plainly: my dream of possessing a home was
+already dreamed out. How could I remain in this place, when my own
+sister was consuming herself with jealous anxiety on my account?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She felt herself that she had pained me; stretching up her thin arms
+to my neck, she said: 'You must not misunderstand me, Olga. What I feel
+is not jealousy; I am so little jealous, that I have no more ardent
+wish than that you two should become united after my death, and----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'After your death!' I cried, in horror. 'Martha, you are sinning
+against yourself!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She smiled in mournful resignation.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I know that better than you.' she said. 'My vital strength has been
+broken for a long time. The long waiting in those days already undid
+me. Now, of course, I thought that with this birth all would be nicely
+at an end, and that is why I longed so for you, because I wanted first
+to arrange everything clearly between you two. But, however things may
+turn out, it won't be long before I have to give in and die, and before
+then I want to feel sure that I am leaving him and the child in good
+keeping.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I shuddered, and then a sudden lassitude came over me. I felt as if I
+must throw myself down at the bedside and weep, and weep--weep my very
+heart out. Then from the next room came the crying of the child, which
+had woke up and wanted its nurse. I drew a deep breath, and bethought
+myself of the duty which was imposed upon me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Do you hear, Martha? 'I cried. 'You are ready to despair when Heaven
+has bestowed on you the greatest blessing that a woman can know?
+Through your child you will raise yourself up anew; its young life will
+also bring new strength to yours.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Her eyes shone for an instant, then she sank back and smilingly closed
+her lids. The feeling of motherhood was the only one capable of winging
+her hope.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Once more she opened her lips, and murmured something. I bent down to
+her, and asked: 'What is it, sister?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I should like to be of some use in the world,' she said with a sigh,
+and with this thought she fell asleep.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It had grown pitch dark when Robert entered the room. In sudden fright
+I started up. A feeling seized me as if I must hide away, and flee from
+him to the ends of the earth: 'He must not find you; he shall not find
+you!' a voice within me cried. My cheeks were flaming, and a vague fear
+arose in me lest their tell-tale glow might gleam through the darkness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He approached the bed, listened for a while to Martha's quiet
+breathing, and then said softly: 'Come, Olga! You are tired; eat
+something, and go to rest, too.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I should have liked to remonstrate, for I was afraid of being alone
+with him; but in order not to wake my sleeping sister, I obeyed
+silently.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The dining-room was a vast, whitewashed apartment, packed full of
+old-fashioned furniture, which kept guard along the walls like
+crouching giants. Under the hanging-lamp stood a table with two covers
+laid.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I let the household finish their meal first,' said Robert, turning
+towards me, 'for I did not want to bother you with strange faces.' With
+that he threw himself heavily into an arm-chair, rested his chin on his
+hand, and stared into the salt-cellar.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Why, you are not eating anything!' he said, after a while. I shook my
+head. I could not for the life of me have swallowed a morsel, though
+hunger was gnawing at my entrails. The sight of him positively
+paralysed me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Renewed silence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How do you find her?' he asked at length.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I do not know,' said I, speaking by main force, 'whether I ought to
+be pleased or anxious!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why anxious?' he asked, quickly, and in his eyes there gleamed an
+indefinite fear.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She tortures herself----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A look of rapid understanding flew across to me, a look which said:
+'Do you also know that already? Then he raised his fist, stretched
+himself and sighed. His bushy hair had fallen over his forehead. The
+bitter lines about his mouth grew deeper.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was alarmed--alarmed at myself. Did not what I had just said sound
+like an accusation against Martha; did it not provoke an accusation
+against her?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She loves you much too much.' I replied, biting my lips. I knew I
+should pain him, and I meant to do so.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He started and looked at me for a while in open astonishment; then he
+nodded several times to himself and said, 'You are right with your
+reproach, she does love me much too much.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I should already have liked to ask his forgiveness again. Surely
+he did not deserve my malice! His soul was pure and clear as the
+sunlight, and it was only within me that there was darkness. I felt as
+if I must choke with suppressed tears. I saw that I could not contain
+myself any longer, and rose quickly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Good-night, Robert.' I said, without giving him my hand; 'I am
+overtired--must go to bed--leave me--one of the servants will show me
+my way. Leave me--I tell you!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I screamed out the last words as if in anger, so that he stopped
+perturbed. In the cool, semi-obscure corridor I began to feel calmer.
+For a time I walked up and down breathing heavily, then I fetched one
+of the maids to show me the way.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Mistress arranged everything in the room herself yet, and gave orders
+that no one was to touch it. There is a letter, too, for you, miss.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I was alone, I held survey. My good, dear sister! She had
+faithfully remembered my slightest wishes, every one of my little
+habits of formerly, and had thought out everything that could make my
+room as cosy and homely as possible. Nothing was wanting of the things
+which I prized in those days. Over the bed hung a red-flowered curtain
+exactly like the one beneath the hangings of which I had dreamed my
+first girlish dreams; on the window-sill stood geraniums and cyclamen,
+such as I had always tended, on the walls hung the same pictures upon
+which my glance had been wont to rest at waking, on the shelves stood
+the same books from which my soul had derived its first food of love.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Iphigenia,' which in those bright calm days had been my favourite
+poem, lay open on the table. Ah, good heavens! how long it already was
+since I had read in it, for how long already had I passed it by,
+because the calm dignity of the holy priestess pained my soul.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Between the leaves was placed the letter of which the girl had told
+me. A gentle presentiment, a presentiment of new, undeserved love came
+over me as I tore open the envelope and read:--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My Darling Sister,--When you enter this room I shall not be able to
+bid you welcome. I shall then be lying ill, and perhaps even my lips
+will be closed for ever. You will find everything as you used to have
+it at home. It has been prepared for you a long time already everything
+was awaiting you. Whether sorrow or joy may attend you here, lie down
+to rest in peace and fall asleep with the consciousness that you have
+entered your home. Try and learn to love Robert as he will learn to
+love you. Then all must turn out well yet, whether God leaves me with
+you or takes me to Himself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Your sister</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Martha.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was nothing new that she said to me here, and yet this touchingly
+simple proof of her love took such powerful hold of me, that at the
+first moment I only had the one feeling, that I must rush to her
+bedside and confess to her how unworthy was the being to whom she
+offered the shelter of her heart and home.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For I was no longer in doubt: the ill-fated passion which I believed I
+had uprooted from my soul, had once more profusely sprung into growth;
+the wounds, healed up long ago, had opened anew at the first sight of
+him; I felt as if my warm blood were gushing out from them in streams.
+Hushing-up and concealment were no longer possible; the vague charm of
+dawning impressions, the sweet abandon to the intoxication of youth,
+were things of the past; the bare, glaring light of matured knowledge,
+the rigid barriers of strict self-restraint had taken their place. Yes,
+I loved him, loved him with such ardour, such pain, as only a heart can
+love which has been steeled by the glow of hatred and suffering. And
+not since to-day, not since yesterday! I had grown up with this love, I
+had clung to it in secret heart's desire, my whole being had derived
+its strength from it, with it I stood and fell, in it lay my life and
+my death.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What did I care whether he deserved it, whether he understood me! He
+was not intended to understand it. And not he, it was I who must gain a
+right to this love. I knew too well at this hour that I should never be
+able to banish it from my heart. The question was to submit to it, as
+one submits to eternal fate; but it must not become a sin. It should
+live on purely, in a pure heart.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And surely I had not been called in vain to this house! A mission, a
+great holy mission awaited me. Martha should perceive forthwith that a
+beneficent genius was watching over her home. Through me she should
+learn actively to utilise the love by which she was consumed, for the
+good of her loved one; through me her courage should be revived and her
+soul receive new strength. How I would support and comfort her in dark
+despondent hours! How I would force myself to laugh when a tearful mood
+troubled the atmosphere! How I would banish the clouds from their
+gloomy brows with daring jests, and anxiously take care that there
+should always remain a last little remnant of sunshine within these
+walls!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My life should pass away void of desire, happy only in the happiness
+of my loved ones, discreet, resigned and faithful. I need no longer
+seek to avoid Iphigenia's image, for the holy and dignified office of
+priestess was awaiting me also.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With this pious thought the revolt in my soul disappeared; with it I
+fell asleep.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I awoke on the first morning, I felt contented, almost happy, A
+holy calm had come over me, such as I had not known since time
+immemorial. I knew that henceforth I should not have to fear even
+meeting <i>him</i>.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha was still asleep. When I looked through the chink of the door
+into her room, I saw her lying with her head thrown far back on the
+pillow, and heard her short heavy breathing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I crept away, quite easy in my mind, to take up my office as
+housekeeper forthwith.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She shall no longer work herself to death,' I said to myself, and
+rejoiced in my heart. I spent fully an hour going the round of the
+premises, during which I formally took the management into my hands.
+The old housekeeper showed herself willing, and the servants treated me
+with respect. I should anyhow soon have enforced it for myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the breakfast-table I met Robert. A slight palpitation, which
+overcame me on entering, ceased forthwith when I bethought myself of my
+yesterday's vow. Calmly, firmly looking into his eyes, I stepped up to
+him and gave him my hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Is Martha still asleep?' I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He shook his head. 'I have sent for the doctor.' he said, 'she has
+passed a bad night--the excitement of seeing you again seems not to
+have done her good.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt somewhat alarmed; but my great resolve had so filled me with
+peace and happiness, that I would not give way to fear.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Will you help yourself?' I asked, 'I should meanwhile like to look
+after her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I entered her room, I found her still lying in the same position
+in which I had left her early in the morning, and as I approached the
+bed, I saw that she was staring up at the ceiling with wide-opened
+eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I called out her name in terror; then a feeble smile came over her
+face, and feebly she turned towards me and looked into my eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Are you not feeling well, Martha?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She shook her head wearily, and drew up her fingers slightly. That
+meant to say: 'Come and sit by me!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And when I had taken her head in my arm a shudder suddenly ran through
+her whole body. Her teeth chattered audibly: 'Give me a warm cover.'
+she whispered, 'I am shivering so.' I did as she bade me, and once more
+sat down at her side. She clutched my hands, as if to warm herself by
+them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Have you slept well?' she asked, in the same hoarse falsetto voice
+which was quite strange to me in her. I nodded, and felt a hot sense of
+shame burn within me. What was my grand unselfish resolve, compared
+with this sort of noble self-forgetfulness, which was evident in every
+act, however great or small, and was inspired by the same love for
+everything? And I even prided myself on my lofty sentiments, conceited
+egotist that I was.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How did you like the arrangement of your room?' she asked once more,
+while a gleam of slight playfulness broke from her mild, sad eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In lieu of answer, I imprinted a grateful, humble kiss upon her lips.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Yes, kiss me! Kiss me once more!' she said. 'Your mouth is so nice
+and hot, it warms one's body and soul through.' And again she shivered
+with cold.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A little later Robert came in.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Get yourself ready, my child.' he said, stroking Martha's cheeks,
+'our uncle, the doctor, is here.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then he beckoned to me and I followed him out of the room. By the
+cradle of the new-born babe I found an old man, with a grey stubbly
+beard, a red snub nose, and a pair of clever, sharp eyes, with which he
+examined me smilingly through his shining spectacles.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So this is she?' he said, and gave me his hand. My blood rushed to my
+heart; at the first glance I saw that here was some one who felt as a
+friend towards me, in whom I might place implicit confidence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'God grant that you have come at a good moment,' he continued, 'and we
+shall see at once if such is the case. Take me to her, Robert; I don't
+suppose it is so bad.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I was left alone with the nurse and the child, which restlessly moved
+its little fists about.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'To your happiness also I will earn a claim.' I thought to myself, and
+stroked the round bare little head, on which a few hardly visible silky
+hairs trembled. Yesterday I had hardly had a glance for the little
+being, to-day, as I gazed at it, my heart swelled with unutterable
+tenderness. 'Thus much purer and better have you grown since
+yesterday.' I said to myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A long time, an alarmingly long time elapsed before the door of the
+adjoining room opened again. It was the doctor who came out from it--he
+alone. He looked stern and forbidding, and his jaws were working as if
+he had something to grind between them.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I have sent him away,' he said, 'must speak to you alone.' Then
+he took me by the hand and led me to the dining-room, where the
+coffee-machine was still steaming.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I have great respect for you, my young lady,' he began, and wiped the
+drops of perspiration from his forehead; 'according to everything I
+have heard about you, you must be a capital fellow, and capable of
+bearing the pain, if a certain cloven hoof gives you a treacherous
+kick.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Leave the preface, if you please, doctor.' said I, feeling how I grew
+pale.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Very well! Prefaces are not to my taste either. Your sister'----and
+now, after all, he hesitated.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'My sister--is--in--danger--doctor!' I had wished to prove myself
+strong, but my knees trembled under me. I clutched at the edge of the
+table to keep myself from falling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That's right--courage--courage!' he muttered, laying his hand on my
+shoulder. 'It has come--this unwelcome guest--the fever; there is no
+getting away from it any more.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I bit my lips. He should not see me tremble. I had often enough heard
+of the danger of childbed fever, even if I could not form for myself
+any idea of its terrors.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Does Robert know?' that was the first thing that entered my mind.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head. 'I was afraid he
+would lose his head--I hardly told him half the truth.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'And what is the <i>whole</i> truth?' Standing up fully erect I looked into
+his eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He was silent.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Will she die?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When he found that from the first I was prepared to face the worst, he
+gave a sigh of relief. But I did not hear his reply, for after I had,
+apparently calmly, uttered the gruesome words, I suddenly saw once more
+before my eyes, with terrible vividness, that vision of my girlish
+days, when I had found Martha lying like a corpse on the sofa. I
+felt as if the nails of a dead hand were digging themselves into my
+breast--before my eyes I saw bloody streaks--I uttered a cry--then I
+felt as if a voice called out to me:--'Help, save, give your own life
+to preserve hers!' With a sudden jerk I pulled myself together; I had
+once more found my strength.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Doctor,' I said, 'if she dies, I lose the only thing I possess in the
+world, and lose myself with her. But as long as you can make use of me
+I will never flinch. Therefore conceal nothing from me. I must have
+certainty.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Certainty, my dear child.' he replied, grasping my hands, 'certainty
+there will not be till her convalescence or her last moments. Even at
+the worst point there may always be a change for the better yet, how
+much more then now, when the illness is still in its first stage! Of
+course she has not much vital strength left to stake--that is the
+saddest part of it. But perhaps we shall succeed in mastering the evil
+at its commencement, and then everything would be won.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What can I do to help?' I cried, and stretched out my clasped hands
+towards him. 'Ask of me what you will! Even if I could only save her
+with my own life, I should still have much to make amends for towards
+her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He looked at me in astonishment. How should he have been able to
+understand me!</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And now I have come to the hardest part of my task. Since a week I
+keep sneaking round these pages, without venturing to take up my pen.
+Horror seizes me, when I consider <i>what</i> is awaiting me. And yet it
+will be salutary for me once more to recall to my memory those fearful
+three days and nights, especially now, when something of a softer,
+tenderer feeling seems to be taking root in my heart. Away with it!
+Away with every cajoling thought which speaks to me of happiness and
+peace. I am destined for solitude and resignation, and if I should ever
+forget this, the history of those three days shall once more remind me
+of it.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I pulled my chair up to my sister's bedside to take up my post as
+nurse, I found she had dropped off to sleep. But this was not the sleep
+which invigorates and prepares the way for convalescence; like a
+nightmare it seemed to lie upon her and to press down her eyelids by
+force. Her bosom rose and fell as if impelled from within and repelled
+from without. The little waxen-pale, blue-lined face lay half buried in
+the pillows, across which her scanty fair plaits crept like small
+snakes. I covered my face with my hands. I could not bear the sight.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The hours of the day passed by ... She slept and slept and did not
+think of waking up.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;From time to time I heard the servants' footsteps as they softly crept
+past outside--everything else was quiet and lonely. Of Robert no trace.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At mid-day I felt I must ask after him. They had seen him go out in
+the morning into the fields, with his dogs following him. So for hours
+he had been wandering about in the rain.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;As the clock struck three he entered, streaming wet, with lustreless
+eyes, and his damp unkempt hair matted on his forehead. He must have
+been suffering horribly. I was about to approach him, to say a word of
+comfort to him, but I did not dare to do so. The scared, gloomy look
+which he cast towards me, said distinctly enough: 'What do you want of
+me? Leave me alone with my sorrow.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Clutching at one of the bed-posts he stood there, and stared down upon
+her while he gnawed his lips. Then he went out--silently, as he had
+come.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Again two hours passed in silence and waiting. The carbolic vapours
+which rose from the bowl before me began to make my head ache. I cooled
+my brow at the window-panes, and unconsciously watched the play of the
+dead leaves as they were whirled up in little circles towards the
+window.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It already began to grow dark, when suddenly, outside in the corridor,
+was heard the lamenting and screaming of a female voice--so loud, that
+even the sleeper started up painfully for a moment. An angry flush flew
+to my face. I was on the point of hurrying out in order to turn away
+this disturber of peace, but already at the opened door I came into
+collision with her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At the first glance I recognised this red, bloated face, these little
+malicious eyes. Who else could it have been but she, the best of all
+aunts and mothers?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'At length,' a voice within me cried--'at length I shall stand face to
+face with you!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So you are Olga,' she cried, always in the same shrill, whining
+tones, which seemed to yell through the whole house. 'How do you do, my
+little dear? Ah, what a misfortune! Is it really true? I am quite
+beside myself!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I beg of you, dear aunt,' said I, folding my arms, 'to be beside
+yourself somewhere else, but to modify your voice in the sick room.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She stopped short. In all my life I shall never forget the venomous
+look which she gave me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But now she knew with whom she had to deal. She took up the gauntlet
+at once too. 'It is very good of you, my child,' she said, and her
+voice suddenly sounded as metallic as a war-trumpet, 'that you are so
+anxious about my poor, ailing daughter; but now you can go--you have
+become superfluous; I shall stay here myself.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Wait; you shall soon know that you have found your match.' I inwardly
+cried; and, drawing myself up to my full height, I replied, with my
+most freezing smile: 'You are mistaken, dear aunt; every <i>stranger</i> has
+been strictly prohibited from visiting my sister. So I must beg of you
+to withdraw to the next room.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Her face grew ashy pale, her fingers twitched convulsively, I think
+she could have strangled me on the spot; but she went, and good,
+lackadaisical uncle, who was always dangling three paces behind her,
+went with her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In sheer triumph I laughed out loud: 'What should you want, you
+mercenary souls, in this temple of pain? Out with you!'</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It grew night. Like a streak of fire the last red rays of the setting
+sun lay over the town, the towers of which stood out black and pointed
+in the glow. For a long time I watched the fiery clouds, till darkness
+had buried them also in its lap.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The clock struck nine. Then the old doctor came. He sat for a long
+time in silence on my chair, stroked my hand at parting, and said:
+'Continue--carbolic--all night!' In answer to my anxiously questioning
+look, he had nothing but a doubtful shrug of the shoulders.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;From somewhere, two or three rooms away, I heard Robert's voice
+talking at the old man. This was the first sign that he too was in the
+proximity of the sick-bed. 'Why ever does he stay outside?' I asked
+myself; 'it really almost seems as if admission were prohibited.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The clock struck ten. Silence all around. The household seemed gone to
+rest.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The wind rattled at the garden railings. It sounded as if some late
+guest wished to enter. Was death already creeping round the house? Was
+he already counting the grains of sand in his hour-glass?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Desperate defiance seized me. Without knowing what I did, I rushed
+towards the door, as if to throw myself in the path of the threatening
+demon.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Ill-fated creature, I, that I did not suspect what other demon sat
+lurking in front of that one, on the threshold!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A few minutes later Robert entered. Not a word, not a greeting--again
+only that swift, scared look which once already had cut me to the
+quick. With his heavy, swaying gait he walked up to the bedside,
+grasped her hand--that hot, wasted hand, with its bluish nails--and
+stared down upon it. And then he sat down in the darkest corner, behind
+the stove, and crouched there for two long, long hours.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With beating heart I waited for him to address me, but he was as
+silent as before.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Soon after midnight he left the room. For a long time yet I heard him
+walking up and down outside in the corridor, and, at the muffled sound
+of his tramping footsteps, another night came into my mind, when I had
+listened, no less trembling in fear and hope, to the same sound. Worlds
+lay between then and now, and the young, foolish creature who had then
+hearkened out into the darkness, burning with the desire to help and to
+sacrifice herself, now appeared to me like a strange, radiant being
+from some distant, shining planet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The footsteps grew less distinct. He had gone back to his room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Will he return again?' I asked myself, putting my ear to the keyhole.
+'In any case he cannot sleep.' And I started joyfully when the sound
+once more increased.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then the thought came to me, 'What concern is it of yours whether
+he returns or not? Are you here in this place for his sake? Is not your
+happiness, your life, your all, lying here before you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I fell down by the bedside, and, covering Martha's hands with kisses,
+I implored her to have mercy--that I wanted to speak to her--that it
+was bursting my heart-strings--that it was stifling me--that I should
+suffocate.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But she did not wake. Doubled up with pain she lay there, a miserable
+little heap of bones. On her cheek-bones were little flaming spots. Her
+breath panted. Once she moved her lips as if to speak, but the words
+died away in a toneless gurgling.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What a terrible silence all around! The clock ticked, along the wall
+by the casement the wind passed softly moaning, and from the other room
+sounded the muffled tramp of the wanderer--all else still.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And suddenly it seemed to me as if in this stillness I heard the blood
+in my own body seething and boiling. I listened. Evidently that was my
+blood rushing wildly through my veins.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Why is its flow not quiet and well-behaved,' I asked myself, 'in
+accordance with my great resolve? Is not this sin torn out with all its
+roots--burnt out by a thousand purifying fires? Do I not stand here as
+the priestess, void of desire, pure and blessed?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And again I listened! These are hallucinations, I told myself, and yet
+I grew afraid at the gushing and rushing, which seemed to increase with
+every minute. I saw a stream which carried me away in its torrents--a
+stream of blood! A rock with sheer points jutted out from it. Thereon a
+word stood written with flaming letters, the word 'Bloodguiltiness.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The footsteps grew louder. I jumped up.... He came, seated himself on
+the pillow, wiped the perspiration from her forehead with the flat of
+his hand, and passed his fingers through her hair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Stealthily I watched him. I hardly dared to breathe any more. His eyes
+gleamed bloodshot in their sockets. His lips were pressed together in
+bitter reproach. He sat there as if petrified with unuttered pain. The
+desire to approach him shook me like a fit of ague. But when I was on
+the point of rising, it was as if two iron fists laid themselves upon
+my shoulders and forced me back on to my chair.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At length I spoke his name, and was startled, so strange, so weird did
+the sound of my own voice appear to me. He turned round and stared at
+me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert,' I said, 'why do you not speak to me? You will feel easier if
+you let some one else share what is oppressing you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then he jumped up and grasped both my hands. His touch made me feel
+hot and cold all over. But I forced myself to keep my ground, and
+firmly looked into his face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That is the first good word that you have vouchsafed me, Olga.' he
+said.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What do you mean by that, Robert?' I stammered. 'Have I been unkind
+towards you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Only unkind?' he replied. 'Like a stranger, like an intruder you have
+treated me, and have driven me from the bedside of my wife.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Heaven forbid!' I cry, and free myself from him, for I feel I am
+about to sink upon his breast.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And he continues, 'Olga, if ever I did you any wrong--I know not what,
+but it must be so, else your look and manner would not be so stern and
+forbidding towards me--if I did you any wrong, Olga, it was not my
+fault. I always meant well towards you. I have--you might always have
+been here like at home; you need never have gone among strangers; and
+in the presence of that one whom we both love----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Why must he mention her name to me? A wild joy had flamed up within
+me; I felt as if I had wings; then her name struck me like the cut of a
+whip. I bit my lips till they bled. Indeed I would be calm, would act
+the guardian angel.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert,' said I, 'you have been gravely mistaken about me. I never
+bore you any ill-will. Only I have grown reserved and defiant among
+strangers. You must have patience with me--must trust me. Will you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then it broke from his eyes like sunshine. 'I have so much to thank
+you for already, Olga,' he said; 'how could I do otherwise than
+continue to trust you? You know, since that day when we rode together
+into the wood, do you remember?'--ah, did I remember indeed!--'since
+that day I have loved you like a sister, yes, more than all my sisters.
+And at the same time I looked up to you and revered you like my
+guardian spirit. That is indeed what you have been to me. You will be
+so in future, too, won't you?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I nodded silently, and pressed both my hands to my bosom; then, when
+he noticed it, I let them drop, but I staggered back three paces; it
+was a miracle that I kept myself upright.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He stepped up to me in alarm. 'I am tired,' I said, and forced myself
+to smile. 'Come, we will sit down; the night is long yet.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;So we both sat opposite each other at the foot of the bed, with the
+narrow bedstead between us, rested our arms on the ledge, and looked
+across at Martha's face, which moved with cramp-like twitchings. Her
+eyelids seemed closed, deep shadows from her lashes fell across her
+cheeks; but, on bending down, one could see the whites of the eyes
+gleaming with a faint sheen, like mother-of-pearl, in their dark
+sockets. He observed it too.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'As if she had already died,' he murmured, and buried his head in his
+hands. 'And if she dies,' he continued, 'she will not die through the
+child, not through this wretched fever; through my fault alone, Olga,
+she will perish!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For God's sake, what are you saying?' I cried, stretching out my arms
+towards him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He nodded and smiled bitterly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I have seen it very well, Olga, all through these three years; over
+and over again it is my fault. First, I left her longing and fearing
+between hope and despair for seven long years, till the strength was
+drained in this way from her body and soul--heaven knows she never had
+much to spare; and then I dragged her with her sickly body and broken
+spirit here into this misery, where all were hostile to her, and those
+most hostile who should have held her most dear. And I myself!--yes, if
+I myself had been brave and of good cheer, if I could have guarded her
+that her foot might not dash against any stone, if I had spread
+sunshine across her path, then perhaps she might have flourished at my
+side. But I was often rough and surly, stormed and raged in the house
+and the farm, never thinking how every loud word made her start, so
+that she already grew pale if I only frowned. Look at this little
+handful of life, how it lies here; and then look at me, the great,
+uncouth, coarse-grained giant! Sometimes in the night when I woke, I
+was afraid lest I might possibly crush her in my arms. And, after all,
+I have crushed her! What I required was a wife, strong and----'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He stopped short, terrified, and cast a glance, which eloquently
+pleaded for forgiveness, towards Martha's face, but I completed his
+sentence for myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When he had left the room a wild feeling of joy seized me. It rushed
+through my head like a whirlwind; it confused my senses; my pride, my
+defiance, my self-respect, everything seemed to be swallowed up in it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The atmosphere of the sick room lay heavily upon me, like a
+suffocating cloth. My brain was burning with the carbolic vapours which
+rose up from the bowl in front of me. My breath began to fail me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I fled to the window, and pressing my forehead against the sash, I
+drank in the cold night air which found its way into the room through
+the chinks. Morning dawned through the curtains--cold-grey--enveloped
+in fog.... Faintly gleaming clouds slowly heaved upwards on the horizon
+and threw a fallow sheen over the dripping trees, which seemed to have
+grown still more bare overnight.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What a night!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And how many, worse than this one, are about to follow? What phantoms,
+begotten of darkness, born in horror, will rise up before my fevered
+senses as the nights come on?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Shivering, I crept into a corner. I was afraid of myself.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The hours of the morning passed away, and by degrees I grew calmer.
+The memory of this night, with its feverish turmoil and pangs of
+conscience, waxed dim. What I had experienced and felt became a dream,
+A leaden weariness took possession of me; I closed my eyes and thought
+about nothing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then came a blissful hour. It was towards ten o'clock when Martha
+suddenly opened her faithful blue eyes and looked up at me consciously
+and brightly.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt as if God's eye had turned, full of pity and forgiveness,
+towards me, the sinner. A pure, holy joy streamed through me. I fell
+across my sister's body, and hid my face at her neck.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In the midst of her pain she began to smile, with an effort placed her
+hand upon my head, and murmured, with hardly audible voice, 'I suppose
+I have been giving you all a great fright?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The breath of her words enveloped me like a peace-bringing chant, and
+for a moment I felt as if the burden at my heart must give way--but I
+was unable to weep.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How do you feel?' I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Well, quite well!' she replied, 'only the sheet weighs so heavily
+upon me!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was the lightest I had been able to find. I told her so; then she
+sighed and said she knew she was a fidget, and I was to have patience
+with her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then she lay again quite still, and constantly looked at me as if
+in a dream. At length she nodded several times and remarked: 'It is
+well thus--quite well!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What is well?&quot; I asked.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then she smiled again and was silent. And then the pains returned. She
+shook all over and clenched her teeth, but she did not utter a
+complaint.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Shall I call for Robert?' I asked, for terror overwhelmed me anew.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She nodded. 'And bring the child too,' she murmured.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I did as she had bid. She had the little creature laid on the bed
+beside her, and looked down at it for a long time. She also made an
+attempt to kiss it, but she was too weak to do so.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Even before Robert came she had relapsed into her sleep.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He gave me a reproachful look, and remarked, 'Why did you not send for
+me sooner?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Believe me, it is better thus,' I answered, 'it would have excited
+her too much to see you.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You always seem to know what is best,' said he, and went out,
+fortunately without noticing the glow which suffused my face at his
+praise.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now she lay there again unconscious--her cheeks red, and her forehead
+wet with perspiration. And added to that, the gruesome play of her
+lips! They kept on twitching and smacking.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Towards one o'clock the doctor came, took her temperature, and
+certified a diminution of fever.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That will go up and down many a time yet,' he said; nor did he enter
+into our joy over her awakening. 'Do not speak to her when she regains
+consciousness,' he urged, 'and above all, do not allow her to speak
+herself. She needs every atom of her strength.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Before he left, he fixed his eyes on me for a long time, and shook his
+head doubtfully. I felt how the consciousness of guilt drove the blood
+to my cheeks. It was as if he could look me through and through.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;... In the afternoon I had fetched myself a book from my room, the
+first I happened to lay my hands upon and tried to read in it; but the
+letters danced before my eyes, and my head buzzed as if it were full of
+bats.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was a long time before I could even make out the title. I read
+'Iphigenia.' Then, seized by sudden terror, I flung the book far away
+from me into a corner, as if I had held a burning coal in my hand.
+Towards evening Martha's pains seemed to grow more intense. Several
+times she cried out loud and writhed as if in a cramp.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;While I was busying myself about her, during an attack of this sort,
+the old woman suddenly stood at my side. And as I looked at her with
+her venomous glance, with her studied wringing of hands, and the
+hypocritical droop of her mouth, the thought suddenly came to me--</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Here is one--who is waiting for Martha's death--who is wishing for
+it.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My eyesight seemed dimmed by a red veil, I clenched my fists--I all
+but flung the accusation in her face. And as I stood in front of her,
+still quite petrified by the thought, she took hold of my arm, and
+tried, without much ado, to push me aside, so that she might plant
+herself at Martha's pillow. Perhaps she hoped to intimidate me by this
+unceremonious proceeding.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Dear aunt.' said I, removing her hand from my arm, 'I have pointed
+out to you before already that this is my place, and that no one in the
+world shall dispute it with me. I urgently beg of you to restrict your
+visit to the other rooms.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Indeed? We will just wait and see, my little one,' she screeched, 'we
+will just ask the master of the house, who has more to say here, his
+good old mother, or you, vagabond Polish crew?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And still screeching, she departed.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In a very fever of rage I paced the room. Even I should not have
+imagined that this sorrowing mother could so quickly and thoroughly
+change back again into a fury. It only remained for her to give
+expression to her innermost wishes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Oh, if it should be true.' I cried, and horror possessed me. 'To wish
+for Martha's death! Martha, do you hear, to wish for your death! Whom
+have you ever hurt? In whose way have you ever stood? Who lives in the
+world who has ever received aught but love and forgiveness from you? If
+it were true, if any human being should really be so depraved, and
+still wander upon earth with impunity--verily, it would make one
+despair of God and of everything good.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus I spoke and could not heap enough shame and contumely upon the
+old woman's head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then it struck me that I had been talking myself into a most
+unworthy passion.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But I felt easier through it, I dared to breathe more freely, and when
+I saw poor, ill-treated 'Iphigenia' lying in the dust, I went and
+picked it up.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What crime have I, after all, committed?' I said to myself, 'that I
+should need to hide away from my ideal? Have I done anything but bring
+comfort to one in despair? Has a single look, a single word been
+exchanged, which my sister might not have seen and heard? If it seethes
+and burns in my breast, what concern is that of any one, as long as I
+keep it carefully to myself?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus I spoke to myself, and considered myself almost justified, even
+before my own conscience. Blind creature that I was!</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And once more the gloaming came, once more the setting sun cast its
+red light through the windows.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Martha's face was bathed in a purple glow, in her hair little lights
+sparkled, and the hand that lay on the coverlet looked as though
+illumined from within.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I drew the bed-screen closer around her, so that the flimmering rays
+should not trouble her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I saw hanging on the wall a withered ivy wreath, which I had not
+noticed before, a wreath such as I was wont to send on special
+occasions for our parents' graves. Perhaps that was where this one,
+too, came from. At the present moment it appeared as if woven of
+flames, everything about it lived phantastically. And when I looked
+more closely, it even seemed to me as if it began to revolve, and to
+emit a cascade of sparks, like a real wheel of fire.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Dear me, now you are already beginning to see visions,' I said to
+myself, and tried to gain new strength by pacing up and down. But I
+felt so dizzy, that I was obliged to hold on to the chairs--I gasped
+for breath.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh, this smell of carbolic--this sickly-sweet odour! It enveloped my
+senses, it dimmed my thoughts, it spread a presentiment of death and
+terror all around.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then the old doctor came, looked keenly into my face, and ordered me
+in his fatherly, gruff manner to go forthwith into the open and get
+some fresh air. He himself would watch till I returned. And in spite of
+my remonstrance he pushed me out of the door.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If I could have guessed what was awaiting me, no power on earth would
+have moved me to cross the threshold!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Now I drew a deep breath as I stepped out into the courtyard. The
+evening air refreshed me like a cooling bath. The last gleam of
+daylight was vanishing, and veiled in bluish vapours the autumn night
+sank down upon the earth.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The two hunting dogs sprang towards me, and then raced off towards the
+old castle ruins.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Unconsciously I followed in their track, walking half in my sleep, for
+the atmosphere of the sick room was still acting upon my senses.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A mouldering scent of fading weeds and weather-beaten stones wafted
+towards me from the brickwork. An old porch spread its arch over me. I
+stepped into the interior. The walls towered up black all round me, the
+dark sky looked down upon them with its bluish lights.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then not far from me I saw a dark figure, the outlines of which I
+recognised at once, crouching among the loose stones.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Robert!' I call out, astonished.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He jumped up. 'Olga?' he cried in answer. 'Do you bring bad news?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Not so.' say I, 'your uncle, the doctor, sent me out, and----' then
+suddenly I feel as if the ground were giving way beneath my feet.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Take care!' I hear his warning voice, but already I am sinking,
+together with the crumbling stones, about a man's length down into the
+darkness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'For Heaven's sake, do not stir!' he shouts after me, 'else you will
+fall still further down.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Half-dazed, I lean against the side of the pit. At my feet gleams a
+narrow strip of earth, on which I am standing; beyond that it goes down
+into black, unfathomable depths.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I see him near me, climbing down after me slowly and carefully on the
+steps of a flight of stairs as it seems.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Where are you?' he shouts, and at the same I feel his hand groping
+for me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I throw myself towards him, and cling to his neck. At the same
+moment I feel myself lifted high up and resting upon his breast. It
+appeared to me as if my veins had been opened, as if in delightful
+lassitude I felt my warm life's blood flowing away over me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;His breath wafted hotly into my face. For a moment it seemed to me as
+if he had softly kissed my forehead.... Then we returned to the manor
+house without speaking. I moved away from his side as far as I could,
+but in my heart was the jubilant thought, 'He has held me in his arms.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;On the threshold of the sick room the old physician came towards us,
+gave us both his hands and said, 'She is keeping up better, children,
+than I had expected.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Within my heart was rejoicing, 'He has held me in his arms.'</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And now that night! Even now every minute stands up like a fury before
+me, and glares at me with fiery eyes! That night will I conjure up as
+one calls up spirits from the grave, that their witness may animate
+anew long forgotten bloodguiltiness! What crime did I commit? <i>None</i>.
+My hands are clean. And on that great morning, when our works shall be
+tried in the balance, I might fearlessly step up to the Throne of the
+Most High and say, 'Clothe me in the whitest raiment, fasten upon my
+shoulders the most delicate pair of swan's wings, and let me sit in the
+front row, for I have a good voice, which only requires a certain
+amount of practice to do honour to Paradise!' But there are crimes,
+unaccomplished, unuttered, which penetrate the soul like the breath of
+infection, and poison it in its very essence, till the body too
+perishes under its influence.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was a night almost like the present one. The moist autumn wind
+swept past the house in short gusts, and caught itself in the half
+leafless crests of the poplars, which bowed towards each other and
+entwined amid creaking and rustling. Not a star was in the sky; but an
+undefinable gleaming brought into notice dark masses of torn clouds,
+which sped along as if in rags. The nightlight would not burn; its
+flickering flame struggled with the shadows which danced incessantly
+over the bed and the walls. The ivy wreath hung opposite me, looking
+black and jagged like a crown of thorns.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was about ten o'clock when Martha commenced to be delirious.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She raised herself up in bed and said in a clear, audible voice, 'I
+must really get up now--it is too bad!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At first joy suffused my face, for I thought she had regained
+consciousness. 'Martha!' I jumped up and grasped her hand.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'I have put everything out in readiness--shirts and stockings and
+shoes, so that a blind man could find them in his sleep. And you need
+not take any measurements either--make no compliments--make no
+compliments.' And all the time she stared at me with glassy eyes, as if
+she saw a ghost; then suddenly she uttered a piercing shriek and cried,
+'Roll the stones away from my body they are crushing me. Why have you
+buried me under stones?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I took the thinnest sheet I could find and spread it over her in place
+of the coverlet; but even that brought her no relief. She screamed and
+talked incessantly, and between whiles she muttered eagerly to herself,
+like one who is learning something off by heart.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Like this an hour must have passed. I sat in front of my table and
+stared at her; for I was in a ferment of terror lest any moment might
+bring some new, still more horrible development. From time to time,
+when she calmed down a little, I felt my limbs relax; then I closed my
+eyes and let myself sink back, and each time I had the sensation as if
+I were sinking into Robert's arms. But there hardly remained even a
+dull feeling, as if I were thereby committing any wrong; my weariness
+was too intense. I also had a sensation as if bubbles were bursting in
+my head, and roses opening out and always putting forth new wreaths of
+blossoms; then again there was a hissing sound from one ear to the
+other, as if some one had run a fuse right through my head and lighted
+it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In this condition of nervous over-excitement, tossed hither and
+thither between terrified starting up and relaxation, Robert found me,
+when, towards midnight, he entered the room. He had intended to lie
+down on his bed for a short time, and then to watch for the rest of the
+night together with me; but Martha's screams had scared him too.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I saw him, all my exhaustion was as if wiped away; I felt how a
+new stream of blood shot through my body, and I jumped up to go towards
+him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Try to rest a little.' he said, looking down at me with tired,
+swollen eyes; 'you will require all your strength.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I shook my head and pointed to my sister, who was just flinging her
+hands about, as if in her delirium she were trying to tear me from his
+side.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You are right,' he continued. 'Who could be calm enough to rest with
+this picture before his eyes.' And then he planted himself with clasped
+hands in front of the bed, bent down towards her and imprinted a soft
+kiss upon her wax-like forehead.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'That is how he kissed me too!' a voice within me cried.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thereupon he sat down at the foot of the bed, so close to my chair
+that the arm which he rested upon the slab of the table almost touched
+my shoulder.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;With the gloomy brooding of despair he stared across at her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Come to yourself, Robert!' I whispered to him, 'all may be well yet.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He laughed grimly. 'What do you mean by &quot;well&quot;?' he cried; 'that she
+should remain alive and drag herself about with her sickly frame and
+crushed spirit, as a burden to herself and to others? Do you not know
+that these are the alternatives between which we have to choose?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A cold shudder ran through my very marrow. But at the same time I felt
+as if the walls were giving way and an unbounded, shining vista opening
+out before me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Were you not going to be a priestess in this house?' a warning voice
+within me remonstrated, but its sounds were deadened by the surging of
+my blood.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'What is the use of struggling against fate?' he continued; 'I have
+long since learnt to submit quietly when blow after blow falls down
+upon me from above. I have become a miserable, weak-minded fellow. I
+have allowed fate to bind me hand and foot, and now, even if I struggle
+till the blood spurts from my joints, it is no good! I am powerless and
+shall remain so, and there's an end of it! But I do not care to talk
+myself into a passion. Such helpless rage is more contemptible than
+hypocritical submission.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;A desire darted through me to throw myself down in front of him, and
+to cry out to him, 'Do with me what you will: sacrifice me, tread me
+under-foot, let me die for you; but be brave and have new faith in your
+happiness----' then suddenly a moan from Martha's lips struck upon my
+ears, so plaintive, so pitiable that I started as if struck by the lash
+of a whip.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I felt ready to scream, but fear of him choked my utterance--only a
+groan escaped my breast, which I forcibly suppressed, when I noticed
+how anxiously he was looking into my eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'Take no heed of me!' I said, forcing myself to smile; 'the chief
+thing is for her to get better.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He crossed his arms over his knee and nodded a few times bitterly to
+himself. And then again the moaning ceased.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She had bowed her head upon her breast, and half closed her eyes. One
+might almost have thought her asleep; but the muttering and chattering
+continued. There was utter silence in the half-darkened room. Only the
+wind sped past the window with low soughing, and between the planks of
+the ceiling the mice scampered about.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Robert had buried his head in his hands, and was listening to Martha's
+weird talking. Gradually he seemed to grow quieter, his breath came
+more regularly and slowly, now and again his head dropped to one side,
+and next moment jerked up again.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;His sleepiness had overpowered him. I wanted to urge him to go to
+rest; but I was afraid of the sound of my own voice, and therefore was
+silent.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;More and more often did the upper part of his body sway to one side,
+now and again his hair touched my cheek--and he groped about seeking to
+find some support.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then, suddenly, his head fell upon my shoulder, where it remained
+lying. My whole body trembled as if I had experienced some great
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'An invincible desire possessed me to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+across my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads gleaming.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'It is already beginning to get grey,' I thought to myself, 'it is
+high time that he should taste what happiness is like.' And then I
+really stroked him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He sighed in his sleep and sought to nestle closer with his head.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'He is lying uncomfortably.' I said to myself; 'you must move up
+nearer to him.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I did so. His shoulder leant against mine, and his head fell upon my
+breast.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You must put your arm round him,' a voice within me cried, 'otherwise
+he will still not find rest.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Twice or three times I attempted, and as often I drew back.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What if Martha should suddenly wake! But even then her eyes saw
+nothing--her ears heard nothing.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And I did it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then a wild joy seized me: secretly I pressed him to me--and within me
+there arose the jubilant thought: 'Ah, how I would care for you and
+watch over you; how I would kiss those wicked furrows away from your
+brow, and the troubles from your soul! How I would fight for you with
+my virgin strength and never rest till your eyes were once more glad,
+and your heart once more full of sunshine! But for that----I looked
+across at Martha. Yes, she lived, she still lived. Her bosom rose and
+fell in short, rapid gasps. She seemed more alive than ever.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And suddenly it flamed up before me, and the words seemed as if I saw
+them distinctly written over there on the wall--</p>
+
+<p class="center">&quot;'<i>Oh, that she might die!</i>'</p>
+
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Yes, that was it, that was it.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh, that she might die! Oh, that she might die!&quot;</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>VII.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">Drawing a deep breath, the physician stopped short, and wiped the
+perspiration from his forehead.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Robert had jumped up, stared for a moment at the flaming orb of the
+lamp, as if dazzled by the light, and then rushed towards the old man
+as if to tear the paper out of his hands.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;That does indeed stand there?&quot; he stammered.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Read for yourself!&quot; said the other.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">A long silence ensued.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The lamp burnt with its quiet, cheery light as if it were illumining a
+deed of brightest gladsomeness, and softly, as if with velvety paws,
+the wind touched the windows. Downstairs everything seemed to be
+growing quieter. The intervals between the bursts of laughter grew
+longer and longer--the babel of voices changed to a steady, dull buzz.
+The people were getting tired--they were digesting.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">The physician looked round for Robert. He had dropped down once more
+upon the ledge of the empty bedstead, had buried his face in his hands,
+and was absolutely motionless.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Only his heaving breath, which escaped his breast in short, irregular
+gasps, testified to the turmoil that was raging within him.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Come to yourself, my boy,&quot; said the physician, laying his hand on
+Robert's shoulder.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Uncle, of course it goes without saying--she was not in her right mind
+when she wrote this?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She was never more in her right mind than at that moment!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;How dare you affirm such a thing? Do not insult the dead!&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Nothing is further from my thoughts, dear boy. Who shall presume to
+cast the first stone at her? But if you have been listening
+attentively, you will certainly understand that her whole life was
+nothing more than the maturing of this moment. Already in her girlish
+dreams the seeds of this criminal wish lay buried; they put forth
+sudden shoots on yonder stone in the wood, and came into blossom at the
+very hour when she crept into your room to unite you with Martha.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Why did she do that, if she herself wished to step into Martha's
+place?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;She was not conscious of what she wished. All her efforts to make you
+and Martha happy were nothing further than the secret struggle which
+her pure honest nature was waging with the wish growing up within her,
+since that day of her girlhood when she had seen you again. But she did
+not know it. Even her love for you did not become clear to her till she
+entered your house. How much less then could she suspect what was
+slumbering, as the fruit of this love, within her soul.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And yet you say she fought against it and tried to exterminate it?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Not spiritually, not consciously. Her thought remained pure till that
+terrible midnight hour. It was only her instinct which struggled
+against the poison. That drew new resources daily from the healthy
+depths of her strong nature, by which to secrete the putrid matter or
+at least to enclose it so that it became innocuous. For this reason she
+condemned herself to exile, for this reason even in face of your house
+she contemplated a hasty retreat. How little she was, even later,
+conscious of the processes which for years had been developing within
+her, you may see by the whole tone of her reminiscences. She absolutely
+unconsciously dwells upon many unimportant incidents, which have
+nothing to do with the progress of the story and yet are valuable as
+showing the gradual development of her wish. She knows not why she does
+so: her feeling alone tells her: this has some connection with my
+guilt.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I believe in no guilt!&quot; exclaimed Robert, in greatest excitement. &quot;If
+that wish was not a mere hallucination, not the result of a momentarily
+morbid, over-strung frame of mind, but had lain for a long while
+dormant in her nature, how came it that, only six hours before uttering
+it, she expressed herself with such indignation about my mother because
+she suspected her of harbouring it?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;For my part,&quot; replied the old man, &quot;nothing is more convincing for my
+view of the matter, than this very indignation. To free her own
+conscience from the burden which she felt resting upon it, she cast
+every stone which she could take hold of, at your mother. It was terror
+at her own sin which drove her to it.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And the noble, self-sacrificing resolve which she formed only a few
+days before?&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Over the old man's weather-beaten features there flitted a smile full
+of understanding and forgiveness.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">Then he said, &quot;The old proverb about the good intentions with which the
+path to Hell is paved, may hold good here too; but it only touches the
+surface of the matter. This resolve was a last abortive attempt to
+unite sisterly love with her longing for you, to make a pact between
+her powerful, burning desire for happiness and the impulse to keep
+faith towards her sister. It was the most unnatural thing she could hit
+upon, for silent resignation was not in her line. It was a particularly
+cruel fate which doomed her, with her noble disposition and powerful
+will, to be forced into a sin which is the most common and most
+cowardly on earth, a sin which I have found lurking on countless faces,
+when I stood at the bedside of people seriously ill. This, my boy, is
+one of the darkest spots in human nature, a remnant of bestiality which
+has managed to find its way into our tamed world; even such sensitive
+natures as Olga may fall a prey to it, though of course they perish
+through it, while coarser souls simply conceal and suppress what is
+struggling to appear from the darkest depths of their beings. Wait, I
+will speak more plainly. I once came to the bedside of a rich old man,
+a landowner, whose last breath was not far off. At the head of his bed
+stood his eldest son, a man of about forty, who for long years had held
+the post of inspector on strange estates, and whose intended bride was
+beginning to grow old and faded with waiting. The son was a good,
+honest fellow who would not have hurt a fly, who loved his father with
+all his heart, and would certainly have been ashamed to wish his
+deadliest enemy any ill; but in the stealthy, terrified glance with
+which he watched me, while I bent down my ear towards the old man's
+breast, I distinctly read the wish! 'Oh, that he might die!' Another
+time I was called in to a woman who was very happy in second marriage.
+Only one cloud troubled her new happiness. Her husband could not
+befriend himself with the child of her first marriage. He knitted his
+brows at the mere mention of the little creature, and as she loved him
+passionately, she feared he might come to hate her on the child's
+account, and hid it away from him as much as ever she could. The child
+got scarlet fever. I found the mother kneeling at its bedside and
+weeping bitterly. She trembled in fear for the feeble little life.
+Had she not herself brought it forth! Then her husband entered the
+room--she started--and in the restless, wavering glance which she cast
+towards the cradle, there stood clearly and legibly written: 'It would
+be for my happiness, if you died.' I could give you innumerable
+examples where jealousy, covetousness, desire for independence,
+restlessness, impulse for liberty, amorous longing, have matured this
+terrible, criminal wish, which suddenly rises up dark and gigantic
+within the human breast, in which hitherto only love and light have
+found a place. Happily nowadays it does not do much harm. In olden,
+more barbarous times, when the passions were permitted to rage
+unfettered, the deed aided the thought. And if perchance in the family
+circle any one happened to be in the other's way, poison and the dagger
+simply claimed their victims. History and literature abound with
+murders of this kind, and that great student of mankind, Shakspeare,
+for example, knows hardly any other tragic motive besides murder of
+kin. To-day people have grown calmer, and if a struggle for existence
+happens nowadays to creep into the holy family circle, one is content
+to wish the obnoxious one, in a dark hour, six feet under the earth.
+This wish is the ancient murder restrained by modern civilisation.
+There, my boy, now I have given you a long discourse, and if,
+meanwhile, your blood has cooled down, my object is fulfilled.&quot;</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;So you absolutely condemn her?&quot; Robert anxiously stammered forth.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;My dear boy, I condemn no one,&quot; replied the old man, with a serious
+smile, &quot;least of all such an honest nature as Olga was. The fact alone
+that she had the courage to confess to herself and to him whom she
+loved most, what she was guilty of, raises her above the others. For
+this wish, of which we are speaking, as it is the most hideous
+spiritual sin of which the human soul can become guilty, so it is also
+the most secret. No friend confides it to a friend, no husband whispers
+it in the darkness of the nocturnal couch to his wife, no penitent
+dares to confess it to his spiritual adviser, even the prayer that
+struggles upwards to heaven out of the depths of contrition, passes it
+over in hypocritical silence. God may have knowledge of everything,
+only not of this baseness. Let this perish in shame and silence, as it
+was brought forth in night and horror. And more than this! This wish is
+the only crime for which there is commonly no expiation, no punishment
+either before the tribunal of the outer world, or one's own conscience.
+This is a case in which even that merciless judge which a man carries
+about within him proves amenable to bribery. Thousands of people who
+have once been guilty of this baseness go on living happily, put on
+flesh in perfect peace of soul, and rejoice in the fulfilment of their
+wish, which they themselves forget as speedily as possible, as soon as
+ever it is fulfilled. It becomes absorbed into the soul, just as a germ
+of disease becomes absorbed as soon as the stimulant of disease has
+disappeared. It is lost without any trace, it is absolutely blotted out
+by an abundance of social and personal virtues. I on no account say
+that I condemn these people. What would become of the world if every
+one who on looking into the glass discovered a wart on his face, were
+to cut his throat in despair at the fact? The people I have described
+to you are the healthy every-day people, whose so-called good
+constitution can stand a blow, and who care not a rap if now and again
+something objectionable sticks to them. Olga was moulded of finer clay,
+her nervous system was sensible to lesser shocks, and what only caused
+others a slight irritation, was to her already a lash of the whip. Such
+natures are often somewhat morbid, they incline towards melancholy and
+hysteria, and their soul-life is governed by imaginations, which, in
+the eyes of others, are apt to assume the character of fixed ideas. And
+yet everything about them is strictly normal, indeed their organism
+works even more accurately than that of the ordinary, average human
+being, and if one were to place them, like delicate chemical scales
+under a glass case, one might see them work wonders. As a rule a
+certain weakness of purpose cleaves to this class of sensitive people,
+which makes them shyly retreat into themselves at the slightest
+extraneous touch--and this is lucky for them; for thus they are saved
+all violent collision with the outer world, to which they would not,
+after all, prove equal. But woe to those among them who are driven by
+some impetuous desire, some mighty passion, straight among rocks and
+thorns! Then it is very possible that an adhering thorn, which others
+would hardly have noticed, may become to them a poisoned arrow, and
+corrode their body and soul till they perish in consequence. There,
+now, I have talked enough. Here lie two or three more sheets. Listen!
+Here we shall learn how one may be ruined by a wish.&quot;</p>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h2>VIII.</h2>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Of that which now followed, I have only retained a vague recollection.
+I remember that I suddenly uttered a shriek, which made even Martha
+start up, that I flung myself down at her bedside, clutched her burning
+hands, and continued to cry out, 'Save me! save me! wake up!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then again I find myself in a different room, into which Robert
+has taken me. I remember how, there, in the looking-glass, I recognised
+my distorted face, bathed in the perspiration of terror, how I burst
+into a laugh, and, shuddering at my own laughter, sank all in a heap,
+and how all the while, chuckling and hissing with a thousand covetous
+voices, there came sounding in my ears the wish: 'Oh, that she might
+die!' How shall I describe it all, without being hunted to death by the
+spectres of that night?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The only clear remembrance that I still retain is that suddenly the
+doctor's dear old face was bending over me, that I had to drink
+something that tasted bitter, and--then I know nothing more.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I awoke the pale light of dawn gleamed through the windows. My
+head ached, I looked around dazed, and then it seemed as if I saw
+written on the whitewashed wall opposite, the words: 'Oh, that she
+might die!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I shuddered, and then the thought rose within me: 'Now, if she dies,
+it will be your wish which has murdered her.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I pulled myself together, and walked up to the looking-glass.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'So this is what a woman looks like who wishes her sister might die!'
+said I, while my ashen-pale face stared back at me; and, seized with a
+sudden loathing, I hit at the glass with my fist. My knuckles bled, but
+it did not break. Fool that I was, not to know that henceforth all the
+world would only be there to hold up a mirror to my crime!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'But perhaps she may not die!' it suddenly darted through my brain.
+Such radiance seemed to burst forth from this thought, that I closed my
+eyes as if dazzled.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And then again it cried aloud within me: 'She will die; your wish has
+murdered her!' I ground my teeth, and groping along by the walls, I
+crept into the sick room.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When I stood at the door, and no longer heard any sound from within,
+the idea took possession of me:</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'You will find her as a corpse.'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No, she still lived, but death had already set his mark upon her face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;The bridge of the nose had become more prominent, her lips no longer
+closed over her irregular teeth, her eyes seemed to have sunk right
+down into their dark sockets.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At her feet stood Robert and the old doctor. Robert had pressed his
+hands to his face. Sobs shook his frame. The old man scrutinised me
+with a penetrating glance. Again, for a moment, I felt as if he were
+looking me through and through, as if my guilt were openly exposed
+before him. But then, as he hastened towards me, who was tottering, and
+held me upright in his arms, I recognised that it was only the
+physician's glance with which he had examined me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'How long will she live yet?' I asked, closing my eyes.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;'She is dying!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;At that moment something within me grew rigid, turned to stone. At
+that moment hope died within me, and with it my faith in myself, in
+happiness, in goodness. A great calm came over me. Death, which hovered
+over this bed, had spread its dark pinions around my body too. With the
+clear vision of a prophetess, I saw what yet remained to me of life,
+spread out unveiled before my eyes. Like one dead I should henceforth
+have to wander upon earth, like one dead I should have to cling to
+life, like one dead see that happiness approach me, which was for ever
+lost to me. Robert stepped up to me and embraced me. I calmly suffered
+it, I felt nothing more.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Then I sat down close to my sister's bedside, and looked at her,
+waiting for her death.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Attentively I followed every symptom of her slow expiring. I felt as
+if my consciousness had separated itself from me, as if I could see
+myself sitting there like a stone figure, staring into the dying
+woman's face.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No feverish illusion, no morbid self-incrimination any longer
+disturbed the course of my ideas. It was by this time clear to me that
+my wish could not in reality bring death upon her, and yet--for me and
+my conscience it remained the wish alone which had killed her.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Thus I sat, as her murderess, at her bedside, and waited for her death
+which was also mine.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It was a long time coming. The hours of the day passed and she still
+lived. Her pulse had long ceased to beat, her heart seemed to stand
+still, and yet her breath continued to come and go in short feeble
+gasps. While I was lying in a morphia sleep, they had given her as a
+last resource an injection of musk to revive her strength once more.
+This was what she was existing on now. But the odour of musk, mingling
+with the carbolic vapours, filled the room like some heavy, tangible
+body, weighed on my brow and seemed to crush my temples. I felt as if
+with every breath I were drinking in increasing burdens.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;In the afternoon Robert's parents came. I, who had yesterday shown my
+aunt only pride and contempt, to-day kissed her hand in humiliation.
+This was the beginning of the penance which I had inflicted upon myself
+at Martha's death-bed, and which shall endure as long as I live.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Evening came on. Marta still continued to breathe. With wide-open
+mouth, her dead eyes covered with a film, she stared at me. Her body
+seemed to get smaller and smaller, quite shrunk together she lay there.
+It almost looked as if in death she did not venture to take up even the
+small space which she had occupied during her lifetime.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Aunt filled the house with her loathsome sobbing, and the others, too,
+were weeping; I alone remained without tears.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;When towards eleven o'clock she had drawn her last breath, I fell into
+a delirium.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Just now I have returned from the manor.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He was good and kind towards me, and in his eyes there gleamed a
+half-hidden, bashful tenderness, which my soul drank in eagerly. I feel
+as if a new spring-time must be coming, my heart is full of smiles and
+laughter, and when I close my eyes golden sunlight rays seem to be
+dancing round about me. But now away with this enervating dream of
+happiness!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If he should learn to love me, all the worse for him! I gave him no
+occasion--no, indeed not! I should feel I must despise myself like a
+very prostitute if I had done so. Since my convalescence I have managed
+his household for him truly and faithfully, for more than a year,
+without claiming his approval, without wishing to grow indispensable to
+him. Even my dear aunt has had to recognise that, who almost forces her
+hospitality upon me, in spite of my being personally so hateful to her.
+She is much too good a housekeeper herself not to know that, but for
+me, the household would have gone to rack and ruin in those days, when
+Robert forgot everything in gloomy mourning for his dead--not even
+taking any interest in the child, which she had left him as a pledge.
+But for me, the poor little thing would be lying under the ground long
+ago. I will not enumerate all I did and worked during this time. It is
+surely not meet for me to play the Pharisee.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Nor will I speak of expiation. How pompous the word sounds, and what
+miserable self-deception generally hides behind it! How shall I wash
+away what defiles me? One may expiate some tragic guilt, one can even
+expiate some great crime, but a piece of baseness such as I committed,
+cleaves to the soul for ever! Ah, if I did not know what secret desire
+lurks in the depths of my heart!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Why else should I require to stand there absolved before my own
+conscience, if not in order that I might one day become his? As if
+everlasting fate itself had not reared up a wall between us, reaching
+up from the depths of <i>her</i> grave as high as the stars.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And if some demon should ever whisper into his ear, advising him to
+stretch out his hand for me, what else could I do but repulse him, as
+if for his audacity? But he will never do such a thing. I have
+succeeded in keeping him at a distance. Let him believe that I have a
+poor opinion of him, let him believe that I am haughty and unfeeling
+through self-love. I shall know how to guard my heart's secret.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;If only one thing were not so!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Sometimes, especially at night, when I am staring into the darkness, a
+wild, mad longing comes over me with such power, that I feel as if I
+must succumb to it. It seizes me like a feverish delirium; it dims my
+senses, and makes my blood boil in my veins; it is the longing to lie
+just for once upon his breast, and there to weep my heart out. For in
+those nights my tears were dried up. I have never been able to weep
+since the day when I found Martha lying on her sick-bed.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="right">&quot;<i>A fortnight later</i>.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;It has come to pass. He loves me. He came to woo me. Now I know that
+there is an expiation! These tortures must indeed purify! Jesus,
+I have lost my childish faith in Thee, but Thou wast a man. Thou hast
+suffered like me. Thee I implore--no, this is madness! Come to your
+senses, woman; pull yourself together. Is there not an everlasting
+resting-place, whither you may flee by your own free will, if your
+strength is no longer equal to the misery of this life? Who is to
+prevent you?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;He loves me. I have attained it. But in order that he might love me,
+Martha had first to perish, I myself had to sink down into an abyss of
+guilt and shame from which no power in heaven or on earth can save me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I am dead. Dead shall be my desires and my hopes, and my rebellious
+blood, which wells up seething at thought of him. I will soon compel it
+to be calm; and if not----.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Oh, how he stood before me, timidly stammering forth word by word. How
+shyly and imploringly his eye sought mine, and yet how he hardly dared
+to raise his glance from the ground. How, in his awkwardness, he
+twisted the ends of his beard round his fingers, and stamped his foot
+when he could not find the right word! Oh, my poor dear, big child, did
+you not see how my every limb was trembling with the desire to rush
+towards you and hold you tight for all eternity, did you not see how my
+lips were twitching with the temptation to press themselves upon yours,
+and to hang there till their last breath?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Did you not see all this?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Did you really believe the words, which half unconsciously I spoke to
+you? My heart knows nothing of them, that I swear to you. I have loved
+you ever since I can remember. I know that my last breath will utter
+your name.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And shame on you, if you really had faith in my pretexts! I leave you
+for a rich girl! You, for whom I would gladly beg in the streets, for
+whom I would work till my eyes grew dim and my fingers sore, if you
+needed it!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Do you remember that night in our parents' house, when you were wooing
+Martha? Do you remember it and dare to insult me by putting faith in my
+miserable excuses?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And when at parting I gave you my hand, why did you look into my eyes
+so sadly and humbly? Did you not know that now that look will haunt me
+day and night like the reproach of some heavy crime I have committed
+towards you?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;No, my friend, you are the only one on earth who have nothing to
+reproach me with. Towards you I have acted honestly--and most honestly
+to-day, even though you were never so unutterably deceived as to-day!
+If only I might tell you how much I love you! How gladly would I die in
+that self-same hour. Only once to lie upon your breast--only once to
+hide my head upon your shoulder and weep, weep--weep blood and tears!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;You must never again look at me like that, my giant, as if I had had a
+right to despise you, as if you were too simple and not good enough for
+me. I do not know what I might not do in that case! Heaven protect you
+from me and my love!</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="right">&quot;<i>A week later</i>.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;And now I have done it <i>after all</i>! I have thrown myself upon his
+neck; I have satiated myself with his kisses; I have wept my fill in
+his arms!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I am calm--quite calm. I have tasted whatever of happiness life had
+left to offer me, the sinner.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But what now?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Since hours I have been face to face with the last great question:
+'Shall I flee or die?'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;One or the other I must do this very night; for to-morrow he will come
+to lead me to Martha's grave.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Rather than follow him thither, I will die!</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;But I will even assume that I could be enough of a hypocrite not to
+drop down beside the grave and confess all to him, I will assume that I
+should not be choked with loathing of myself, that I should really have
+enough wretched courage to become his wife; what sort of a life should
+I lead at his side?</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;What is the good of clinging to happiness when one has long since
+forfeited it? Should I not slink about like some poor criminal in her
+last hours, everlastingly tortured by the fear of betraying myself to
+him, and yet filled with the desire to proclaim my guilt to the whole
+world? How could I sleep in the bed out of which I wished her into her
+grave! How could I wake between the walls on which there still stands
+written in flaming letters: 'Oh, that she might die!'</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;I will converse quite calmly and sensibly with myself, as is meet for
+one who is making up the account of her life. That I cannot become his
+wife I know very well.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Shall I flee?--What should I do among strangers? I know them. I know
+these people and despise them. They have wrought evil towards me; they
+would torment me again in the future.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;All the faith, all the love, all the hope still remaining to me, have
+their foundation in him alone.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;So I must die! The bottles of morphia stand, well preserved, in the
+corner of my cupboard. I had some suspicion that I might want them,
+when, in defiance of the old doctor, I secretly saved up their
+contents. The few hours of sleep which I thereby lost, will now be
+amply compensated for.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;Only a letter yet to my uncle the doctor; he shall be my heir and my
+confidant. Perhaps he can help me to wipe away all traces of my deed,
+so that Robert may suspect nothing. Not a greeting to him. That is the
+hardest of all, but it must be so.</p>
+
+<br>
+<p class="center" style="letter-spacing:10px">* * * * *</p>
+<br>
+
+<p class="normal"><p class="normal">&quot;I have run out secretly and posted the letter. The watchman was
+signalling midnight. How empty, how dark is the whole world! In the
+lime-trees the wind is soughing. Here and there a light is sadly
+gleaming as if to illumine hidden sorrows. A drunken fellow came
+shouting along the road and made as if to attack me. Darkness, poverty,
+and brutality out there--in here guilt and unappeasable longing--that
+would be my future. Verily this life has nothing more to offer me.</p>
+
+<p class="normal">&quot;People talk and write so much about the terror of death. I feel
+nothing of it. I am content, for I have wept my fill. Those suppressed
+tears weighed heavily upon me; and weeping makes one weary, they say.
+Good-night!&quot;</p>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<h3>The End.</h3>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
+
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+</body>
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+
diff --git a/33886.txt b/33886.txt
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+++ b/33886.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,7248 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Wish
+       A Novel
+
+Author: Hermann Sudermann
+
+Translator: Lily Henkel
+
+Release Date: October 28, 2010 [EBook #33886]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WISH ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Bowen, from page scans provided by the Web Archive
+
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+1. Page scan source: http://www.archive.org/details/wishnovel00suderich
+
+2. The diphthong oe is represented by [oe].
+
+
+
+
+
+                                THE WISH
+
+
+                               _A NOVEL_
+
+
+
+
+                                   BY
+                           HERMANN SUDERMANN
+
+
+                             TRANSLATED BY
+                              LILY HENKEL
+
+
+                  WITH A BIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTION BY
+                             ELIZABETH LEE
+
+
+
+
+
+                                NEW YORK
+                        D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
+                                  1895
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                         _Authorized Edition_.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                             INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+Since the beginning of time men have been accustomed to regard the end
+of a century as a period of decadence. The waning nineteenth century is
+no more fortunate than its predecessors. We are continually being
+invited to speculate on the signs around us of decay in politics, in
+religion, in art, in the whole social fabric. It is not for us to
+inquire here concerning the truth or the ethics of that belief. But, as
+far as literature is concerned, it is very certain that the last years
+of the present century will be remembered for the extraordinary talent
+shown by a few young novelists and dramatists in most of the countries
+of Europe. In England, we can point to Mr. Rudyard Kipling and Mr. J.
+M. Barrie; in France, to M. Paul Margueritte and M. Marcel Prevost; in
+Belgium, to M. Maurice Maeterlinck; in Germany, to Gerhard Hauptmann,
+Ludwig Fulda, and Hermann Sudermann.
+
+The events of Sudermann's life are few; and he has the good sense to
+prefer to be known through his works rather than through the medium of
+the professional interviewer. The facts here set down, however, we owe
+to the courtesy of Sudermann himself a circumstance that lends them an
+additional interest.
+
+Hermann Sudermann was born September 30, 1857, in Matzicken, a poor
+village in Heydekrug, a district of East Prussia, situated on the
+Russian frontier. It is not unlikely that the following passage taken
+from one of his novels bears some resemblance to the place:--
+
+"The estate that my father farmed was situated on a high hill close to
+the Prussian frontier; an uncultivated, wild park sloping gently
+towards the open fields formed one side of the hill, while the other
+sank steeply down to a little river. On the farther side of the stream
+you could see a dirty little Polish frontier village.
+
+"Standing at the edge of the precipice you looked down on the ruinous
+shingle roofs; the smoke came up through the rifts in them. You looked
+right into the midst of the miserable life of the dirty streets where
+half naked children wallowed in the filthy where the women squatted
+idly on the threshold, and where the men in torn smocks, with spade on
+shoulder, betook themselves to the alehouses.
+
+"There was nothing attractive about the town, and the rabble of
+frontier Cossacks, who galloped here and there on their catlike, drowsy
+nags, did not increase the charm."
+
+Sudermann began his education at the school of Elbing. But his parents
+were in poor circumstances, and at the age of fourteen he found it
+necessary to think about earning a living, and was apprenticed to a
+chemist. He continued his studies in his leisure time with such good
+results that he returned to school, this time at Tilsit. In 1875 he
+went to the university of Koenigsberg, and in 1877 to that of Berlin.
+His first intention was to become a teacher, and while still pursuing
+his studies undertook for a few months the duties of tutor in the house
+of the poet Hans Hopfen. But in 1881, after six years spent in studying
+history, philosophy, literature, and modern languages (Sudermann
+understands English perfectly), he turned to journalism, and edited the
+_Deutsches Reichsblatt_, a political weekly. He soon threw aside
+newspaper work for true literature, for what the Germans call
+_belletristik_, and he has become famous through his novels, short
+stories, and plays. He is good-looking, with a dark melancholy face
+that lights up with a most remarkable and expressive smile when he
+speaks; nothing could be more unaffected than his manner, nor more
+charming than his whole personality. As yet there is no Sudermann
+Society for the discussion of the author's works, but in Berlin, where
+he has many admiring friends, Sudermann occasionally reads to them his
+productions while they are yet unpublished. The little story called
+_Iolanthe's Hochzeit_ was first heard in that way.
+
+Although Sudermann's work is in all its aspects essentially modern,
+indeed all the conditions and problems of modern life have the highest
+interest for him, he belongs to no class, ranges himself with neither
+realists nor idealists, and bows to the yoke of no literary fashion. In
+common with all great artists, Sudermann paints his own age, but while
+portraying men and women as he knows them, in the nineteenth century,
+he gives them, at least in his novels and tales, the human nature that
+is the same through all time. He has lived in Berlin, and his dramas
+give us life in that city both among the proletariat and the rich
+middle class. He has lived in East Prussia, and there is laid the scene
+of his longer novels. He is familiar with other parts of Germany, with
+Italy, and with Paris, and everywhere he has used his gift of keen
+observation to good purpose. A certain melancholy, a feeling of the
+"inevitableness" of things, if we may be allowed the expression, runs
+through all his writings, and may perhaps be traced to the effect on
+his sensitive and high-strung nature of the East Prussian landscape,
+amid which he spent his boyhood. The meadow-flats and corn-lands, the
+meagre pine-woods, and dark, lonely pools of his native district, form
+the background of most of his tales. Numerous passages might be quoted
+which would serve to show the melancholy and loneliness of the
+landscape. As an example we may take:--
+
+"Thick and heavy as if you could grasp them with your hands, the clouds
+spread over the flat land. Here and there the trunk of a willow
+stretched forth its rugged knots to the air, heavily laden with moisture.
+The tree was soaked with damp, and glistened with the drops that had hung
+in rows on the bare boughs. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road that
+ran between withered reeds and sedge.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"The moon stood high in the heavens and shed her calm, bluish light far
+over the sleeping heath. The clumps of alders on the moor bore wreaths
+of lights and from the slender silvery trunks of the birches which
+bordered the broad straight road in endless rows, came a sparkle and
+brightness that made the road seem as if lost far below in the silvery
+distance.
+
+"Silence all around. The birds had long ceased singing. A stillness of
+the late summer time, the complacent stillness of departing life lay
+over the broad plain. You scarcely heard the sound of a cricket in the
+ditches, or a field-mouse disturbed in its slumbers, gliding through
+the tall grass with its low chipping whistle."
+
+Such pictures constantly meet us in the pages of Sudermann's books;
+taken in connection with their setting, they are often of great force
+and beauty. Nothing, however, is obtruded; there is no searching after
+a dramatic background, or undue word-painting; everything is in keeping
+with and subordinate to the main interest of the tale.
+
+With such surroundings, Sudermann cleverly assimilates his characters.
+They are mostly the victims of circumstances which they are more or
+less unable to overcome. In some cases the fault, as with Leo
+Sellenthin in _Es war_, Sudermann's latest novel, lies in the weakness
+or sinfulness of the man; in others, in surroundings and events for
+which the man is not himself directly responsible. Sometimes the noble
+unselfish love and devotion of a woman make a happier state of things
+possible; Sudermann is a firm believer in the power and influence of
+good women in human life. His women are not so sharply outlined as
+Ibsen's, but he recognises in the sex, though much more vaguely, like
+possibilities. For example, Leonore in _Die Ehre_ sees the folly and
+emptiness of fashionable life and has the courage to give her hand
+where she loves, to a man who, by her set, would be considered far
+beneath her. Magda, in _Heimat_, refuses to desert her child. And his
+young girls are even more charming, more natural than those of Ibsen.
+Eager-hearted Dina Dorf, with her desire for a larger life in the
+world; hard-working Petra Stockman with her delight in her work and her
+unflinching truth and honesty; Bolette Wangel with her desire for
+knowledge, "to know something about everything" are, as everybody
+knows, among Ibsen's most delightful creations. In _Es War_ Sudermann
+gives us as perfect and natural a study of a young girl as we have met
+with in fiction or the drama for a very long while. Hertha cherishes a
+secret love for a man much older than herself but has reason to fear
+that his affections are set on a married woman, the wife of his best
+friend. To Hertha's innocent and unworldly mind this is a great puzzle;
+to her the sacredness of love between husband and wife seems a matter
+of course.
+
+"Certainly the beautiful woman was a thousand times lovelier than poor
+Hertha--and she was, moreover, much cleverer.... But could she--and
+therein lay the great puzzle, the invincible contradiction that knocked
+all suspicion on the head--could she as a married woman possibly be an
+object of love to a man other than her husband? Wives were loved by
+their husbands--that is why they are married and by no one else in the
+world."
+
+But Hertha determines to take such means as are within her power of
+discovering if suck things are possible, if such things exist. She
+first consults her books--books, of course, suited to a young girl's
+library. She goes through her novels, but nothing in them points to the
+enormity. Then she turns to the classics, to Schiller!
+
+"Amalie was a young girl--so was Luise--but then there was the queen of
+Spain! However, in that case it was clear as noonday how little poets
+deserved to be trusted, for that a man should fall in love with his
+stepmother could only take place in the world of imagination where
+genius, drawn away from the earth, intoxicated with inspiration, soars
+aloft. Not in vain had she, a year and a half before, written a school
+composition on 'Genius and Reality,' in which she had treated the
+question in a most exhaustive manner."
+
+She next tries her friend Elly, a girl of her own age, but much more
+experienced in the ways of the world.
+
+"'Listen, dear, I want to ask you a very important question. You're in
+love, aren't you?'
+
+"'Yes'; replied Elly.
+
+"'And you're sure the man's in love with you?'
+
+"'Why do you say "man"?' asked Elly. 'Curt is my ideal. A little time
+ago it was Bruno--and before that it was Alfred--but now it's Curt, Yet
+he's not a man.'
+
+"'What is he, then?'
+
+"'He's a _young_ man.'
+
+"'Oh! that's it, is it? No, he's certainly not a man.' And Hertha's
+eyes shone: she knew what a 'man' looked like. 'Well, darling,' she
+went on, 'do you think that a "man," or a _young_ man--it's all the
+same--could possibly love a married woman?'
+
+"'Of course--naturally he would,' replied Elly, with perfect calmness.
+
+"Hertha smiled indulgently at such want of intelligence.
+
+"'No, no, little one,' she said. 'I don't mean his own wife, but a
+woman who is the wife of another?'
+
+"'So do I! replied Elly.
+
+"'And that seems to you quite a matter of course?'
+
+"'My dear child, I didn't think you were so innocent! said Elly;
+'everybody knows as much as that. And formerly it was even worse. A
+true knight always loved another man's wife: it was a great crime to
+love his own wife. He would cut off his right hand for the stranger's
+sake, and would die for her, pressing her blue favour to his lips; for
+you see at that time they always wore her blue favour. You'll find it
+in every history of literature.'
+
+"Hertha became very thoughtful. 'Ah! in those days!' she said, with the
+ghost of a smile; 'in those days men went to tournaments and stabbed
+each other in sport with their lances.'
+
+"'And to-day,' whispered Elly, 'men shoot each other dead with
+pistols.'
+
+"Hertha felt as if she had been stabbed to the heart, and the little
+pink and white daughter of Eve continued, 'I think it must be quite
+delightful when one is married to know that some one is hopelessly in
+love with you. It's quite certain that most unhappy love affairs arise
+in that way.'
+
+"The next day Hertha questioned her grandmother.
+
+"'Grandmother, I'm grown up now, aren't I?'
+
+"'Yes--so, so,' answered the old lady.
+
+"'And probably I shall soon be married.'
+
+"'You!' shouted her grandmother, in deadly terror. Doubtless the
+wretched child had come to confide in her the addresses of some booby
+of a neighbour.
+
+"'Yes.' continued Hertha, inarticulately and with great hesitation;
+'with my big fortune I am not likely to be an old maid.'
+
+"'Child!' exclaimed the old lady, 'of whom are you thinking?'
+
+"Hertha blushed to her neck. 'I?' she stammered, trying to preserve an
+indifferent tone of voice, 'of nobody.'
+
+"'Oh, then you were merely talking generally?'
+
+"'Of course; I only meant generally'
+
+"'Well, and what do you want to know?'
+
+"'I want to know--how it is with--you understand--with love
+when one----'
+
+"'When one----'
+
+"'Well, when one is married?'
+
+"'Then you go on loving just as you did before.' replied her
+grandmother, lightly.
+
+"'Yes, I know that. But suppose you love another man to whom you aren't
+married?'
+
+"'Wha--t!' In her terror the old lady let her spectacles fall off her
+nose. 'What other?'
+
+"Hertha suddenly felt as if she must collapse. She had to summon all
+her courage and pull herself together in order to go on.
+
+"'Can't it happen, grandmother dear, that some one to whom you're not
+married takes it into his head----'
+
+"'My dear child' replied the grandmother, 'never come to me with such
+foolish questions. You cannot understand such things. Now give me a
+kiss and get your knitting.'"
+
+So that plan did not answer. There was still one further possibility of
+discovery. Hertha had a school friend who had lately got married. She
+would ask her. So she began:--
+
+"'Wives love their husbands, that goes without saying. But do you think
+it possible that wives can be loved by other men?'
+
+"'How odd you are', replied Meta. 'You can't prevent people loving.'
+
+"'I know that. But a man, don't you see, who would----'
+
+"'Well, that sort of thing does happen.'
+
+"'What! is some one in love with you?'
+
+"Meta blushed, 'I don't bother about it. It's quite enough that Hans
+loves me, and of course I should very politely forbid anything of the
+sort.'
+
+"'Then people do forbid such things?'
+
+"'Certainly, if they're told of it.'
+
+"'What! you might be told?'
+
+"'Sometimes, if the man who is in love with you is very bold.'
+
+"'Good gracious,' said Hertha, shocked, 'If anyone behaved like that to
+me, I should box his ears.' But in great anxiety she continued, 'Do you
+think it likely that there are women who have a different opinion?'
+
+"'Oh, yes!' said Meta.
+
+"'Who--in the end--return the bold mans love?'
+
+"'Even so.'"
+
+Then Meta repeats certain gossip that confirms Hertha's worst fears.
+The whole chapter should be read in order to appreciate rightly the
+charm and pathos and naturalness of the delightful piece of character
+drawing.
+
+Like Ibsen and Zola, Sudermann does not hesitate to set the truth
+before us even when it is terrible or brutal or revolting. But he
+differs from them in having a less gloomy outlook, in firmly believing
+that, at the same time as human nature is coarse and brutal, stupid and
+violent, it is loving, capable of sacrifice and of deep feeling. He
+sees the strange not to say the inexplicable mixture of good and evil
+in all things human, and knows man to be neither all gold nor all
+alloy. This we take it is the true realism.
+
+To make Sudermann's point of view clear to English readers there is
+perhaps no better nor more direct way than to give a brief account of
+his works. They are three novels, _Frau Sorge_ (Dame Care), published
+in 1886, _Der Katzensteg_ (the name of a small wooden bridge over a
+waterfall that plays a prominent part in the story), 1888, _Es war_ (It
+Was), 1893; three volumes of short tales, _Geschwister_ (Brothers and
+Sisters), first published in the _Berliner Tageblatt_ in 1884 and 1886
+respectively (one of the stories, _Der Wunsch_, appears in the present
+volume), _Im Zwielicht_ (In the Twilight), novelettes written in
+various newspapers, and _Iolanthe's Hochzeit_ (Iolanthe's Wedding),
+1892; and three dramas, _Die Ehre_ (Honour), _Sodom's Ende_ (The
+Destruction of Sodom), and _Heimat_ (_The Paternal Hearth_).
+
+The most perfectly artistic of his longer novels, and that most deeply
+impregnated with the peculiar characteristics of East Prussian
+landscape is _Frau Sorge_. Paul, the hero, is born just at the moment
+when his father's difficulties make it necessary for him to sell his
+house and land: this gloomy circumstance overshadows the whole of
+Paul's life. While his brothers and sisters in spite of the family
+poverty are, in their careless, unthinking way, happy and even
+prosperous, wilfully blind to the fact that they owe all to the
+industry and continual self-sacrifice of Paul, his life is one long
+toil and struggle, one long fidelity to duty as he conceives it, one
+long effacement and suppression of self. For this he receives no
+thanks, no acknowledgment. His spirit becomes crushed, almost
+extinguished. After long years of toiling, struggling, and suffering,
+he is redeemed through the love of a woman, but only when he has
+sacrificed to "Dame Care" all he held most precious, and when the
+capacity in him for joy and hope has been well-nigh destroyed. The
+character portrayed with perfect art is, at the same time, faithful to
+nature: such men are rare, perhaps, but it is well that the novelist
+should remind us of their existence, and thus help us to recognise the
+potency for good that dwells in mankind.
+
+_Der Katzensteg_ is more powerful but less artistic than _Frau Sorge_.
+The German critics, however, consider it to be not only the most
+important of Sudermann's writings, but the finest novel produced in
+Germany during this century. The character of the heroine, Regine, a
+veritable child of nature, in whom savagery and lack of intelligence
+and education exist side by side with the nobility and power of
+sacrifice, of which nature in the rough is often capable, forms the
+main interest of the tale, and is a marvellous and original conception.
+There is one scene that for realism, intensity, and horror has scarcely
+been surpassed in any novel of modern times.
+
+Before turning to the short tales in which we find some of Sudermann's
+best and most characteristic work, it would be well to point out one of
+his chief titles to genius. He has the gift of being able to describe
+terrible and heart-stirring scenes, joyful or pathetic or humorous
+scenes, with the utmost simplicity of style. In a few words of the
+simplest sort he brings before our eyes living pictures. Each sentence
+palpitates with life. As we read, we seem to live with the men and
+women of his creation through their agony; we suffer as they do, and
+rejoice with them when they are glad: at times we are breathless as
+they are with suspense and excitement. And this is done without any of
+the analytical introspection with which we have become only too
+familiar in recent novels. The characters, at least in the novels and
+tales, are not mere nervous organisms, but livings loving, erring,
+feeling, human beings. The gift of terse narration joined to great
+simplicity of language is found in French writers like Flaubert and
+Maupassant, but it is new to Germany. It is, then, perhaps, Sudermann's
+highest praise that we can say of him that he possesses the strength
+without the unpleasantness of the great French writers of our day, and
+combines their artistic feeling, their power and their fine wit with
+all that is soundest and best in the Teutonic mind and character.
+
+Many of the short tales are of a less specially German cast, and
+possess an interest that is universal. _Der Wunsch_ (The Wish), for
+instance, is a powerful psychological study, set forth with wonderful
+directness and simplicity. Although the tale deals with the old theme
+of a woman who falls in love with her sister's husband, it is instinct
+with passion and original in treatment. Olga loved her sister Martha
+dearly, and had, indeed, brought about Martha's marriage with Robert
+Hellinger almost by her own efforts, but in so doing had herself,
+though unconsciously, fallen in love with Robert. Martha, always frail
+and delicate, after the birth of her child, falls dangerously ill. Olga
+goes to her to nurse her, and love for her sick sister and passion for
+Robert struggle for mastery in her soul. Thus, into a character
+entirely good, noble, and self-sacrificing, steals the wish, "if only
+she were to die!" In the event Martha does die. Then Robert's eyes are
+opened; he knows that he loves--has all along loved Olga, and he asks
+her to be his wife. At first she refuses, then consents; but the same
+night, having felt all the while that the wish for Martha's death,
+though never expressed by sign or word, makes her in a sense her
+sister's murderer, she puts an end to her life. She herself relates all
+the circumstances in a document written to explain her act to her old
+friend the physician. A couple of quotations will give a better idea of
+Sudermann's style than pages of criticism. In a few marvellous strokes
+he paints the effect on Robert of his first sight of Olga's corpse:--
+
+"When the elder Hellinger entered the room he saw a picture that froze
+the blood in his veins.
+
+"His son's body lay stretched on the floor. In falling he must have
+clung to the posts of the bier on which they had placed the dead
+woman, thus bringing down the whole erection with him, for on top of
+him--among the broken boards--lay the corpse in its long white shroud,
+the stiffened face on his face, the bare arms thrown over his head."
+
+The scenes in Martha's sick room are portrayed with an art that makes
+them live in our memory. Here is one of them, Martha lies in bed sick
+unto death. Olga and Robert, wearied out with sleepless nights and with
+their terrible anxiety, are watching her.
+
+"There was absolute silence in the half-darkened room; only the wind
+with gentle rustling, swept past the window, and the mice scratched
+among the rafters of the ceiling.
+
+"Robert buried his face in his hands and listened to Martha's dismal
+ravings. Gradually he seemed to grow calmer; his breathing became
+slower and more regular; now and again his head inclined to one side,
+but the next moment he drew it up again.
+
+"Sleep overpowered him, I wanted to persuade him to go to bed but I was
+feared at the sound of my own voice and kept silent.
+
+"The upper part of his body leaned over more and more frequently to one
+side; at times his hair touched my cheek, and groping he sought a
+support.
+
+"And then suddenly his head sank down on my shoulder and remained
+there.
+
+"My body trembled as if an incredible happiness had befallen me, I was
+seized with an irresistible desire to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+over my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads. 'He is
+beginning to get grey,' I thought, 'it is high time that he should know
+what happiness means,' and then I actually stroked his hair.
+
+"He sighed in his sleep and tried to place his head more comfortably.
+
+"'He is lying uncomfortably,' I said to myself 'you must get close to
+him.' I did so. His shoulder lay against mine, and his head sank down
+on my bosom.
+
+"'You must put your arm round him,' something within me cried out,
+'otherwise he cannot find rest!
+
+"Twice, thrice, I tried to do so, but as often drew back.
+
+"If Martha should suddenly wake! But her eyes saw nothing, her ears
+heard nothing.
+
+"And I did it.
+
+"Then a wild joy took possession of me, and stealthily I pressed him to
+me; something within me shouted joyously: 'Oh! how I would cherish and
+protect you; how I would kiss away the furrows misery has made in your
+brow, and the cares from your soul! How I would toil for you with all
+my young strength, and never rest till your eyes were fill of gladness,
+and your heart of sunshine. But to do that----'
+
+"I glanced over at Martha. Yes, she lived, still lived. Her bosom rose
+and sank in short, quick sobs. She seemed more alive than ever.
+
+"And suddenly there flamed before me, and it was as if I read written
+clearly on the wall the words:
+
+"'If only she were to die!'
+
+"'Yes, that was it, that was it. Oh! if only she were to die! Oh! if
+only she were to die!'"
+
+We have only to read Jean Ricard's _S[oe]urs_, a novel lately published
+in Paris, and dealing with the same theme, to recognise how very far
+superior is Sudermann's treatment of it.
+
+The volume of short tales entitled _Im Zwielicht_ is of a somewhat
+different character. Though coloured to some extent by the melancholy
+and "inevitableness" of the longer novels, those qualities are less
+intense, and we have lively touches of satire and brilliant flashes of
+wit that remind us of the sprightliness of French writers. The tales
+are told in the twilight by one or other of two friends, a man
+and a woman, between whom there exists merely an intellectual
+bond of sympathy and union. The stories laugh good-naturedly at
+narrow-mindedness and silly prejudice, an evil that Sudermann wisely
+recognises as existing everywhere, in the big city as in the small
+village. Women's social aspirations, their immense delight in
+entertaining celebrities, and their belief that in so doing they are
+moving in the stream of the world's history, are satirised with
+keenness and truth. He strikes a deeper note in the tale that sets
+forth the difficulties of friendship and love between a woman of mature
+years and a young man, a subject ably treated by Jean Richepin in his
+fine novel, Madame Andre, and it is very interesting to note the
+coincidence of view of the French and German writer. Perhaps
+Sudermann's views may help towards a satisfactory solution of that
+ever-recurring will-o'-the-wisp--platonic affection. His heroine
+declares that to turn friendship into love, or love into friendship, is
+impossible, because where such a transformation does take place, there
+must, in the first instance, have been either not friendship or not
+love. "From the day on which we reap love where we sowed friendship,
+the magic charm would be broken," she says, "Till then I was all and
+everything--then I should be merely one more." And again, "Love begins
+in the intoxication of the senses, and ends in the peace of calm
+friendship, that is marriage; the contrary is not forbidden, but it
+leads--to the desert."
+
+In _Iolanthe's Hochzeit_, Sudermann proves himself the possessor of the
+humour that borders on pathos. The little story has no tendency, it
+preaches no sermon, Onkel Hanckel, "a good fellow (_ein guter Kerl_) by
+profession," relates how he had to live up to the title, and how, at
+the mature age of forty-seven, he became, almost against his will,
+engaged to a young girl. His feelings at the wedding ceremony, his
+horror and shyness at the notion of being left alone with his bride
+afterwards, form a most delightful piece of comedy. Puetz, a surly,
+grasping, miserly, rich old man; Lothar, a dashing young lieutenant of
+dragoons; the maiden sister; and Iolanthe herself--are portrayed with a
+quaint humour of which the earlier works gave little indication, while
+the vigour, simplicity, and directness of the narrative are as fine as
+ever. The East Prussian dialect lends the original a local colour that
+would be difficult to reproduce in a translation.
+
+In his dramas Sudermann treats life very much from the same standpoint
+as Ibsen does. His characters talk a great deal, and do next to
+nothing. He wages war against shams, thinks people should live out
+their own lives and develop their individuality at all hazards. He
+presents abnormal types, men and women who would be abnormal anywhere,
+in civilised society or the reverse, and who must not be taken as
+representative of modern life. Each of the three dramas he has as yet
+given us presents a moral problem to the consideration of the
+spectators.
+
+_Die Ehre_ was first performed at the Lessing Theatre in Berlin, on
+November 27, 1889, and had an immense success. The dramatist ruthlessly
+and boldly draws aside the curtain from the false ideas of honour held
+by high and low alike, not only by the middle class and proletariat of
+Berlin, but by civilised men in general: such social conventions,
+according to Sudermann, tend to make money-getting the sole aim of the
+citizen, and help to undermine the peace and happiness of family life.
+The revelation is undoubtedly unpleasing, but all the same a great
+truth underlies it, and in the end of the play the virtuous are not
+sacrificed to the wicked. In the speeches of Count Trast, the good
+angel, the god from the machine of the drama, it is not perhaps
+altogether fanciful to see the beliefs and opinions of Sudermann
+himself. Trast's conclusion is that we shall do better to substitute
+duty for the many and varied sorts of honour recognised by society.
+
+_Sodom's Ende_ is a startling play. Even the Berlin censorship required
+alterations before it could permit the production of the drama on the
+stage of the Lessing Theatre. It still contains one scene that would
+effectually prevent its performance in an English playhouse. The drama
+takes its name from the title of a picture painted by Willy Janowski,
+who bids fair to become a great artist. But he has fallen under the
+influence of Adah Barcinowski, a cold, heartless, pleasure-loving
+woman, the wife of a wealthy stockbroker. That connection and his own
+weak nature have ruined Willy mentally, morally, and physically. He
+ceases to work, leads a life of self-indulgence, heedless of the hurt
+he does to others. The character, unpleasing as it is, is consistently
+drawn by the dramatist, for even in the pangs of death Willy does not
+cease to note the artistic pose taken by the dead body of the girl he
+has injured and betrayed. Never, perhaps, has the worst side of that
+section of frivolous idle society we are accustomed to call "smart"
+been more ably painted: its foolish vapidity, its utter futility, and
+its elegant wickedness and sinfulness, are boldly displayed.
+Unfortunately men and women without conscience, without comprehension
+of duty, have always existed and still exist, but we doubt if their
+evil influence is as far-reaching and all-important as latter-day
+novelists and dramatists would have us believe.
+
+In his latest play, _Heimat_, produced January 7, 1893, Sudermann takes
+for theme the duty owed by the child to the parent, and that due from
+parent to child. A high-spirited and talented girl, daughter of
+commonplace, conventional parents, to the scandal of all concerned,
+leaves her home to carve for herself a career in the world, and by
+reason of her fine voice becomes a celebrated singer. After an absence
+of many years chance brings her professionally to her native town, and
+a very natural desire is awakened in her to revisit her parents and her
+home. Her father, whose health had been destroyed through the effects
+of her former disobedience, wishes her to come back provided she
+renounces for ever the life she has been leading. This she has no
+desire to do, but for her father's sake she is not all unwilling to
+yield. When, however, she is further required to break with certain
+ties very dear to her, she refuses, and the father dies from the shock.
+Now when we carefully read the play, or see it acted by competent
+artists, it is clear that much might be said on both sides. But as
+there is nothing in the world more beautiful and holy than the tie that
+binds parent and child, so is the contemplation of conflict between
+them always unlovely. We grant that in the storm and stress of modern
+life such conflict is at times unavoidable, but it is scarcely the
+stuff of which works of art should be formed.
+
+A new play, a comedy, _Schmetterling-Schlacht_ (Butterfly Battle), is
+to be produced shortly at the Hofburg Theatre in Vienna. Again a moral
+problem is to be presented to the consideration of the public. The
+three heroines, honest working girls, paint butterflies on fans for a
+living. Two of the girls, tired of being sweated, give up fan painting;
+they take to painting their faces instead, and practice other
+abominations. The third girl continues her work, and remains virtuous.
+The play chiefly consists of a series of discussions between the girls
+as to which way of life is preferable.
+
+Like his contemporaries, Ibsen and Bjoernson, Zola and Tolstoi,
+Sudermann would transfer the sermon from the pulpit to the stage: he
+sets before us certain phases of life that have come under his notice
+in all their ugliness and brutality, and would have us forthwith leave
+the theatre sworn enemies of the evils he denounces. But his characters
+are contented to preach and discuss, they never feel that they are
+called upon to act. Thus they lack life and reality, we have little
+sympathy with them, and are never profoundly touched.
+
+As a writer of fiction, however, Sudermann's high position is
+unassailable. He ranks with the great masters in all countries who have
+sought, and are still seeking, to set before us modern life in its
+manifold aspects, in its complexity and its difficulties, but who,
+unlike the more pronounced school of naturalists, remember Joubert's
+maxim that "fiction has no business to exist unless it is more
+beautiful than reality."
+
+_August_, 1894.
+
+
+
+
+
+                               THE WISH.
+
+
+
+
+                                   I.
+
+
+In the old doctor's bedroom a cheerful fire was flickering. He himself
+still lay a-bed, quite penetrated by the delightful sensation of a man
+who knows his life's work is completed. When one has been sitting half
+a century through, for twelve long hours every day, in the rumbling
+conveyance of a country doctor, thumped and bumped along over stones
+and lumps of clay, one may now and again lie in bed till daylight,
+especially when one knows one's work is safe in younger hands.
+
+He stretched and straightened his stiff old limbs, and once more buried
+in the pillows his weather-beaten, yellowish-grey face, covered with
+white stubble like granite with Iceland moss. But habit, that austere
+mistress, who had for so many years driven him forth from his bed
+before dawn, whether it was necessary or not, would not let him rest
+even now.
+
+He sighed, he yawned, he abused his laziness, and then reached for the
+bell standing on the little table at his bedside.
+
+His housekeeper, an equally grey, tumble-down specimen of humanity,
+appeared on the threshold.
+
+"What time is it, Frau Liebetreu?" he called out to her.
+
+Since the day on which the young assistant arrived in Gromowo, the old
+Black Forest clock hanging at the doctor's bedside, and whose rattling
+alarum had often unpleasantly jarred upon his morning slumbers, was no
+longer wound up. "So that I know that my life too henceforth stands
+still," as he was wont to say.
+
+"A quarter to eight, doctor," the old woman answered, beginning
+meanwhile to busy herself about the stove.
+
+"For shame! for shame!" cried he, raising himself up, "what a lazybones
+I am getting to be! I say, have any letters come?"
+
+"Yes, a few by post, and one that young Mr. Hellinger brought himself
+two hours ago."
+
+"Two hours ago! Why, it was dark yet at that time!"
+
+"Yes; he said he had to drive out to the manor farm, and could wait no
+longer. Yesterday evening, too, when you were at the 'Black Eagle,'
+sir, he called, and sat here for about two hours."
+
+"Why didn't you send for me?" cried the doctor, in the blustering tone
+of voice of old, good-natured grumblers.
+
+"Well, and hadn't he forbidden us to do so?" cried his housekeeper, in
+exactly the same tone of voice, which seemed, however, more an echo of
+her master's manner than personal defiance. "He was sitting in the
+study till ten o'clock--or rather he was not sitting, he raced about
+like a madman, and laughed and talked to himself--I hardly knew the
+calm, quiet man again; and then I brought him beer--six bottles--he
+drained them all; and I had to drink with him. As I tell you, he was
+quite beside himself."
+
+"Ah, indeed, indeed," muttered the old man smiling to himself with
+satisfaction. "I should say Olga had something to do with that. Perhaps
+after all she----. Well, do you intend bringing me my letters to-day,
+or not?" he suddenly shouted, as if he were goodness knows how wild,
+but his face laughed the while. And when his housekeeper had
+grumblingly done his bidding, he drew out with a sure hand from the
+little heap of letters one without a stamp, not deigning to look at the
+others at all. His hands trembled with happy excitement as he unfolded
+the paper; and he read, while his grey face beamed with pleasure:
+
+
+"Dear old Uncle,--You shall be the first to know it. If only I had you
+with me, that I might press your dear old hands and tell you face to
+face what is in my heart! I do not realise it yet--my head whirls when
+I think of it! Uncle, you were at my side in the days of darkest
+trouble, helping and protecting. You were the only one to take Martha's
+part when all--even my parents turned their backs on her with coldness
+and suspicion.
+
+"You could not save her for me, uncle--the Lord asked her back of me.
+But when, at the bedside of my dead wife, my reason threatened to give
+way, you took my poor head between your hands and spoke to me--as a
+preacher speaks. And you were right. Of course I do not believe that I
+can ever quite revive and become again as I was before the cares of
+existence and my longing for Martha made my head dull and heavy; for
+even Martha--even my wife--could not accomplish that in the three years
+of our quiet happiness. But life seems about to give me whatever it has
+left for me yet of joy and peace. You know, uncle, how in the midst of
+my sorrow for my dead wife, I learnt to love her sister. Cousin Olga,
+more and more. I confessed all to you, and sought comfort with you when
+tortured by self-reproach at the thought that I was breaking my troth
+to my wife already in the year of mourning. And you said to me at that
+time: 'If the dead woman might seek a second mother for her child, whom
+else would she choose but the sister whom, next to you, she loved best
+in the world?' I was startled to the very depths of my soul, for I
+should never have dared to raise my eyes to her. But you never ceased
+to encourage me, until, a week ago, I took heart and begged her to
+share my fortunes.
+
+"You know she refused me.
+
+"She grew deathly pale--then gave me her hand, and standing up rigidly
+said to me: 'Put it from your thoughts, Robert, for I can never be your
+wife.' Then I slunk away, and thought to myself, 'It serves you right
+for your presumption.' And now, to-day----. Uncle, I cannot put it on
+paper!--my hand fails me. This happiness is too great--it came so
+unexpectedly, it almost overpowers me! To-morrow, uncle--to-morrow I
+will tell you all.
+
+"I have to go out early to the manor farm. At mid-day I shall return,
+and then forthwith shall undertake the dreaded visit to my parents. My
+mother suspects nothing as yet. Her plans have once again been
+frustrated, and Olga will have to suffer heavily enough for it. I fear
+she may even turn her out of the house. If only I had her already under
+my own roof!
+
+"It is three o'clock in the morning. Enough for to-day. Your grateful
+and happy
+
+                                          "Robert Hellinger."
+
+
+The old doctor wiped a tear from his cheek.
+
+"The dear boy," he murmured. "How his emotions crowd each other in his
+over-heated brain; and how simple, how honest everything is to the last
+jot! In truth, he deserves you, my brave, proud girl; he is the only
+one to whom I do not grudge you. And now I will put you to the test,
+and see if you too put confidence in your old uncle. Straightway I will
+do it."
+
+Laughing and growling he burrowed with his head in the pillows. And
+then he suddenly shouted with a voice resounding through the house like
+thunder:
+
+"Confound it, where are my trousers?"
+
+The trousers were brought, and five minutes later the old man stood
+quite ready before his glass, all except his greyish-yellow wig.
+
+"My hat, cloak, stick!" he shouted out into the corridor.
+
+"But the breakfast," the old woman shouted back, if possible louder
+still, from the kitchen.
+
+"Well, then, hurry up," he blustered. "Before I have read these letters
+I must have it here."
+
+With an impatient oath he set to work upon the little heap that had so
+far been lying unnoticed on the pedestal. Offers of wine--profitable
+investments--a poor, blind father with a new-born infant--and then
+suddenly he stopped short, while once more a satisfied smile overspread
+his features.
+
+"Upon my word! I should not have expected this," he growled,
+contentedly. "She, too, could not rest without confiding her happiness
+to her old uncle. That is nice of you, children! You shall have your
+reward for this."
+
+With the same happy haste with which he had opened Hellinger's letter,
+he tore this envelope asunder.
+
+But hardly had he commenced reading when with a low moaning cry he
+staggered back two paces, like one who has been dealt a treacherous
+blow. His grey face became ashy pale; his eyes started from their
+sockets, and like claws his old withered fingers clutched the
+fluttering paper.
+
+When his housekeeper brought in the coffee, she found her master
+sitting as stiff as a log in the corner of the sofa, his forehead
+covered with great drops of perspiration, and staring with fixed
+lustreless eyes at the paper which his hands still held as if in a
+cramp.
+
+"Gracious heavens, doctor!" she cried, and let the tray drop clattering
+on to the table. Her lamentations brought him back to consciousness. He
+asked for water, and drank two long eager draughts, wetted his forehead
+and temples with the remainder, and signed to his housekeeper to leave
+him.
+
+Hereupon he bolted the door, picked up the letter from the floor, and
+read with trembling, choking voice:
+
+
+"My dear, my Fatherly Friend,--When you read these lines I shall have
+ceased to live. The draughts of morphium which you gave me when I had
+forgotten how to sleep after Martha's death were carefully collected
+and kept by me; I trust they will be powerful enough to give me peace.
+
+"You who have watched over me like a second father, you shall be the
+only one to learn why I have decided to take this terrible step. In
+long winter nights, when the storm shook my gable-roof and I could not
+sleep, I wrote down everything that has been tormenting me for so long,
+and will not let me be at rest till I fall asleep for ever. On my
+bookshelf, hidden behind some volumes of Heine, you will find a blue
+exercise-book. Take it with you, without letting the others notice. And
+when you have read all, go out to my grave and there say a prayer for
+my soul.
+
+"See that I am laid to rest at Martha's side.
+
+"I loved her dearly. It is she who is calling me to her.
+
+"You will understand all when you have read my story. Perhaps you know
+more of my secret than I suspect. I suppose I must have spoken evil
+words during the delirium of my illness, else why should you have sent
+away my relations from my bedside?
+
+"Did you shudder at the things that my wretched tongue brought to
+light?
+
+"Do you pity me? Do you despise me? No, surely you do not despise me;
+or how could you have bestowed so much love upon me? And now read.
+Everything is set down there. It was not originally intended for you. I
+meant to send it after many years--when we young ones too should have
+grown old--to the man to whom my whole being belongs, so that he might
+know why I once denied myself to him.
+
+"Things have gone differently. To-day, in a moment of forgetfulness, I
+threw myself upon his neck. Too late I comprehended that now escape
+from him was no longer possible. But, rather than be his, I will seek
+death.
+
+"And I have yet another request in my heart. It is the request of one
+about to die--if you can, I know you will fulfil it.
+
+"Keep secret from the world, and especially from the man I love, that I
+took my own life. Let him believe that my happiness killed me. I shall
+destroy everything that might point to suicide; there will only be
+indications that I died of syncope or apoplexy.
+
+"From the depths of my heart I implore you to grant me this one last
+favour. I die gladly and have no fear. It is so long since I slept
+well, that I have need of rest.
+
+                                   "Olga Bremer."
+
+
+The old man felt himself in a state of utter helplessness.
+
+He staggered, clenched his fists, beat his brow, and then once more he
+fell back in his chair.
+
+"This is madness, utter madness," he groaned, wiping the cold
+perspiration from his forehead. "Child, what were you thinking of? What
+could cloud your reason like this? My poor, poor, darling child?"
+
+Then he once more jumped up and groped with trembling fingers for his
+hat and cloak.
+
+"To help! To help!" He must wrest this victim even yet from death's
+hand! That was what absorbed his whole mind at present. For a moment
+the thought came to him that perhaps after all she had not carried out
+her serious intention, but he dismissed it forthwith. He must have had
+a different knowledge of her character, to credit her with a feeling of
+fear or a failing of energy.
+
+But possibly the dose she had taken was too small, perhaps the
+long period of time--for it was more than a year since Martha
+died in child-bed, and it was then he had given her the sleeping
+draughts--perhaps the long period of time that had elapsed since then
+had weakened the efficacy of the poison. Yes, yes, it was so; it must
+be so! When badly preserved, morphia decomposes and becomes
+ineffectual.
+
+So forward to the rescue! To save what can be saved!
+
+He ran about the room in search of something: he hardly knew what he
+was seeking. Then once more he grasped the letter.
+
+"And what do you ask of me? Child, child, do you think it is such a
+light matter to perjure one's self? To throw aside like rotten eggs the
+duties to which one has been faithful for half a century? Child, you do
+not realise what you are asking of an honest man!" He Held the paper up
+close to his eyes, and once more read the passage: "It is the request
+of one about to die.... From the depths of my heart I implore you to
+grant me this one last favour."
+
+Heavy tears rolled down his weather-beaten cheeks.
+
+"It cannot be, child, it cannot be done, however well you may know how
+to plead. And even if I wished to do it, I should betray myself. I am
+an old, weak wreck; I no longer have such control over my features.
+They would notice it at the first glance. But so that you may not have
+asked it--of your old uncle--in vain--I will--at least attempt it--for
+your own sake and Robert's sake you must first of all be saved.
+Confound it all, old fellow, for once more in your life be a man you
+must save her--you must--must--must!"
+
+And as quickly as his stiff old legs would carry him, he rushed
+out--past his housekeeper, who stood listening at the keyhole--out into
+the wintry morning air which a cold drizzling mist filled with damp,
+prickling crystals.
+
+
+
+
+                                  II.
+
+
+A very picture of perfect serenity and peace of mind the couple
+Hellinger senr. made, as they sat at the breakfast-table. Out of the
+spout of the brass coffee-machine on the brightly-polished body of
+which the fire-flames produced a purple reflection, there rose up thin,
+bluish steam which sank down towards the table in little clouds, cast a
+film over the silver sugar-basin and wreathed the coffee-cups with
+delicate, tiny dewdrops.
+
+Mr. Hellinger, with his snow-white, carefully trimmed beard, and
+handsome, rosy, boyish face beaming with good nature and the pleasure
+of living, was leaning back comfortably in the blue chintz armchair,
+his Turkish dressing-gown pulled over his knees, and apparently
+awaiting with calmest resignation whatever fate, in the shape of his
+wife, might be about to bestow upon him.
+
+She (his wife) was just throwing a pinch of soda into the little
+coffee-pot, whereupon she circumstantially wiped her powdery fingers on
+her white damask apron, which was edged in Russian fashion with broad
+red and many coloured stripes. Her white matron's cap, the ribbons of
+which were tightly knotted together like a chin strap under her fleshy
+chin, had shifted somewhat towards the left ear, and from out its
+frilly frame there shone, full of energy and enterprise, her coarse,
+comfortable, sergeant-like face, whose features were rather puffed out,
+as is often observable in old women who like to share their husband's
+glass of brandy.
+
+One could see that she was accustomed to rule and to subdue, and even
+the smile of constant injured feeling that played about her broad mouth
+went to prove how inconsiderately she was wont to carry through her
+plans.
+
+So that she might not sit unoccupied while waiting for the coffee to
+draw, she took up her coarse woollen knitting, which, in her capacity
+of president of the ladies' society and directress of the charity
+organisation, was never allowed to leave her hands, and the needles ran
+with remarkable rapidity through her bony, work-used fingers.
+
+"Have you heard nothing from Robert, Adalbert?" she asked, with a hard
+metallic voice, which must have penetrated the house to its last
+corner.
+
+The question appeared to be unpleasant to the old man. He shook his
+head as if he would shake it off; it disturbed his morning
+tranquillity.
+
+"An affectionate son, one must say," she continued, and the injured
+smile grew in intensity. "Since a week we have neither heard nor seen
+anything of him; if he lived in the moon he could not come more
+rarely."
+
+Mr. Hellinger muttered something to himself, and busied himself with
+his long pipe.
+
+"It looks as if something were brewing again in that quarter," she
+began anew; "he has altogether been so peculiar lately; come slinking
+round me without a word to say for himself. It seems to me there is
+some debt hanging over him again that he can't satisfy."
+
+"Poor fellow," said the old man, and smacked his lips, perhaps to get
+rid of the unpleasant idea by this means.
+
+"Poor fellow, indeed!" she mocked him; "I suppose you pity him into the
+bargain; perhaps even you have been helping him on the sly?"
+
+He raised up his white, well-kept hands in protest and defence of
+himself, but he had not the courage to look her in the face.
+
+"Adalbert," she said, threateningly, "I make it a condition that such a
+thing does not happen again. Whatever you give him, you take from us
+and from our other children. And if at least he deserved it! but he
+that will not hear advice must suffer. If he is ruined, with his
+obstinacy and stubbornness----"
+
+"Allow me, Henrietta," he interrupted her timidly.
+
+"I allow nothing, Adalbert, my dear," replied she. "'He that will not
+hearken to advice must suffer!' say I; and if through his abominable
+ingratitude his poor mother, who is only anxious for his welfare, and
+who bothers and worries herself whole nights through, thinking----"
+
+With the many-coloured border of her apron she rubbed her eyes as if
+there were tears there to be wiped away.
+
+"But, Henrietta," he began again.
+
+"Adalbert, do not contradict me! You know I close an eye to all your
+follies. I allow you to sit as long as ever you like at the 'Black
+Eagle'; I let you drink as much as ever you can do with of that bad,
+expensive claret. I even put your supper ready for you when you come
+home late though it is hardly necessary that you should on such
+occasions upset three chairs, as you did yesterday. I consider
+altogether that you have very little regard for the feelings of your
+old and faithful wife. But--yes, what I was going to say is--that, once
+for all, I will not have you meddle with my plans: as it is you
+understand nothing of such matters. Have you, altogether, any idea of
+all I have done already for that good-for-nothing Robert? I have run
+about, and driven about, made calls, and written letters, and Heaven
+knows what else. Five or six well-to-do--nay, very wealthy girls I
+have, so to say, brought ready to his hand, any of whom he could have
+had for the taking. But what did he do? Well, I should think you still
+remember how I was seized with convulsions when, four years ago, he
+arrived with that miserable, delicate creature, Martha? My whole
+illness dates from then."
+
+"But, Henrietta!"
+
+"My dear Adalbert, I beg of you, do not again harp upon the same old
+string about her being my own flesh and blood! If she wished to be a
+loving and grateful niece to me, why did she not bring the necessary
+dowry with her? She had nothing--of course she had nothing! My departed
+brother died as poor as a church mouse. Is that fitting for one of
+my family? But after all--he had a right to do as he liked with his
+own--what business is it of mine? Only he need not have saddled us with
+his daughter."
+
+"Well, but she is dead now," remarked Herr Hellinger.
+
+"Yes, she is dead," replied she, and folded her hands. "It were a sin
+to say, thank God for that. But as our Lord has so ordained it, I will
+at least profit by the circumstance, and endeavour to rectify his folly
+of then. While you were sitting in the 'Black Eagle,' drinking your
+claret, I was once more toiling and moiling and inquiring round, so
+that he has but to pick and choose. There is Gertrude Leuzmann; will
+get fifty thousand cash down and as much more when the old man dies.
+There is that little von Versen; very young yet certainly--only just
+confirmed--but she will get even more! And besides these, at least
+three or four others! But what do you imagine he will say to it all?
+'Mother,' he will say, 'if you start that theme again, you will never
+more set sight on me.' Was ever such a thing heard of? He has only to
+marry the second sister now in place of the other one, to bring his
+good old mother to her grave! By the by where can the young lady be
+to-day? It is nearly nine o'clock, and she has not yet appeared. In my
+brother's Bohemian home it may very probably have been the fashion to
+lie a-bed till noon; but in my well-ordered household, I beg to say,
+most emphatically and politely, I will not have it, Adalbert."
+
+"I cannot conceive, dear Henrietta," he said, "why you heap reproaches
+upon me which are meant for your niece!"
+
+"If only for once you would not take her part, Adalbert. But, of
+course, there is nothing left for me to say. I am duped and betrayed in
+my own house! However, I shall very soon put an end to the matter. I
+have kept her here now for a whole year; now she begins to be very much
+_de trop_."
+
+"But does she not toll and moil in Robert's household from early morn
+till late at night? Does a day pass on which she does not betake
+herself to the manor farm? Do not be unjust towards her, Henrietta."
+
+She gave him a pitying look.
+"If you had not remained such a child, Adalbert, one might talk reason
+to you. Don't you see that that is just where the danger lies? Don't
+you imagine that she has her reasons for flaunting about every day at
+the manor and for behaving herself as mistress there before him and the
+servants? Ah--she--she is a deep one--is my niece Olga. Be sure she has
+done her part towards getting him accustomed to the idea that she--and
+she alone--has a right to the place of her dead sister. What else
+should she be looking for, day after day, at the manor, if it is not
+that?"
+
+"I should think Martha's child is sufficient explanation."
+
+"Of course, of course! Any nursery tale is good enough to impose upon
+you! She knows exactly why she behaves as she does, and why she is
+almost ready to eat up the poor little mite for very love. She knows
+exactly how to find the way to its father's heart!"
+
+"But perhaps she does not love him at all," old Hellinger interposed.
+
+She laughed out loud.
+
+"My dear Adalbert, a man who owns an estate just outside the town-gates
+is always loved by a poor girl, and if I do not make an end now and
+send her about her business, it may very possibly come to pass that our
+dear Robert will take her by the hand one fine day and say to us,
+'Here, papa and mamma, now be good enough to give us your blessing.'
+And rather than live to see that, Adalbert----"
+
+At this moment the sound of lumbering male steps was audible in the
+entrance-hall; directly after these came a loud and violent knock at
+the door.
+
+"Well!" said Mrs. Hellinger, "some one is making a noise as if the
+bailiffs were outside--we have not got as far as that yet." And very
+slowly and deliberately she said, "Come in."
+
+The old doctor stepped into the room. His hat sat awry at the back of
+his head, his necktie hung loose over his shoulders, and his chest
+heaved as with breathless running. He forgot his "Good-morning"
+greeting, and only gave a wild, searching glance around.
+
+"Good heavens, doctor!" cried Mr. Hellinger, senr., hastening towards
+him, "why, you burst in upon us like a bull into a china-shop."
+
+Mrs. Hellinger once more assumed her injured air, and muttered
+something about pot-house manners.
+
+When the old doctor saw the undisturbed breakfast-table and the
+astonished, every-day faces of his friends, he let himself drop into
+an armchair with a sigh of relief. Then it had not taken place after
+all--this terrible thing! But next moment his fears took possession of
+him anew.
+
+"Where is Olga?" he faltered, and fixed his gaze on the door as if he
+might see her enter there any moment.
+
+"Olga?" said Mrs. Hellinger, shrugging her shoulders. "My goodness, she
+probably will be here shortly. Are you in such a hurry?"
+
+"God be praised!" cried he, folding his hands. "Then she has been down
+already?"
+
+"No--not so," remarked Mrs. Hellinger, "her ladyship thinks well to
+sleep somewhat long this morning."
+
+"For God's sake," he cried, "has no one looked after her? Does no one
+know anything of her?"
+
+"Doctor, what ails you?" cried old Hellinger, who was now beginning to
+be alarmed.
+
+The physician may at this moment have recollected the request with
+which Olga's letter of farewell had closed. He felt that in this way
+his desire to comply with her request would, from the very first,
+become impossible, and made a last wretched attempt to preserve the
+secret.
+
+"What ails me?" he faltered, with a miserable laugh. "Nothing ails
+me!--What should ail me? Confound it all!" And then, casting aside all
+dissimulation, he cried out: "My God! my God! Thou hast permitted this
+terrible thing! Thou hast withdrawn Thy hand from her." And he was
+about to sink down weeping, but he once more gathered up all the energy
+still remaining in his rickety old body, raised himself bolt upright,
+and--"Come to Olga," he said, "and do not be terrified--however--you
+may--find her."
+
+Old Hellinger grew pale, and his wife commenced to scream and sob; she
+clung to the doctor's arm, and wished to know what had happened; but he
+spoke no further word.
+
+So they all three climbed up the stairs leading to Olga's gable-room,
+and in the entrance-hall the servants collected and stared after them
+with great, inquisitive eyes.
+
+Before Olga's door Mrs. Hellinger was seized with a paroxysm of
+despair.
+
+"You knock, doctor," she sobbed, "I cannot."
+
+The old man knocked.
+
+All remained quiet.
+
+He knocked again, and put his ear to the keyhole.
+
+As before.
+
+Then Mrs. Hellinger began to scream:
+
+"Olga, my beloved, my dear child, do open--we are here--your uncle and
+aunt and old uncle doctor are here. You may open without fear, my
+love."
+
+The physician pressed the latch; the door was locked. He looked through
+the key-hole; it was stopped up.
+
+"Have the locksmith fetched, Adalbert," he said.
+
+"No," cried Mrs. Hellinger, suddenly casting all sorrow to the winds,
+"that I shall not permit--that will on no account be done. The disgrace
+would be too great: I could never survive it--such a disgrace--such a
+disgrace!"
+
+The doctor gave her a look of unmistakable loathing and contempt. She
+took little notice of it.
+
+"You are strong, Hellinger," she said, "bear up against the door;
+perhaps you may succeed in breaking the lock."
+
+Mr. Hellinger was a giant. He set one of his powerful shoulders against
+the woodwork, which at the first pressure began to crack in its joints.
+
+"But softly," his wife admonished, "the servants are standing in the
+entrance-hall. Be off with you into the kitchen, you lazy beggars!" she
+shouted scolding down the stairs.
+
+Down below doors banged. A second push----one of the boards broke right
+through the middle. Through the splintry chink a bright ray of daylight
+broke through into the semi-dark corridor.
+
+"Let me look through," said the doctor, who now, in anticipation of the
+worst, was calm and collected.
+
+Hellinger broke off a few splinters, so that through the aperture the
+whole room could be overlooked.
+
+Opposite the door, a few paces removed from the window, stood the bed.
+The coverlet was dragged up, and formed a white hillock behind which a
+strip of Olga's light brown hair shone forth. A small portion of the
+forehead was also visible--white as the bed-clothes it gleamed. The
+feet were uncovered; they seemed to have been firmly set against the
+foot end of the bed and then to have relaxed.
+
+By the pillow, on a chair, lay her clothes neatly folded. Her skirts,
+her stockings, were laid one upon the other in perfect symmetry, and on
+the carpet stood her slippers, with their heels turned towards the bed,
+so as to be quite ready for slipping into on rising.
+
+On the marble slab of the pedestal, half leaning against the lamp, lay
+a book, still open, as if it had been placed there before extinguishing
+the light. Over everything there seemed to rest a shimmer of that
+serene, unconscious peace which irradiates a pure maiden's soul. She
+who dwelt here had fallen asleep yesterday with a prayer on her lips,
+to awaken to-day with a smile.
+
+After the physician had held silent survey, he stepped back from the
+aperture.
+
+"Put your arm through, Adalbert," he said, "and try to reach the lock.
+She has bolted the door from the inside."
+
+But Mrs. Hellinger squeezed herself up against the door, and with loud
+cries implored her sweet one to wake up and draw the bolt herself. At
+last it was possible to push her on one side, and the door was opened.
+The three stepped up to the bedside.
+
+A marble-white countenance, with lustreless, half-open eyes, and an
+ecstatic smile on its lips, met their gaze. The beautiful head, with
+its classic, refined features, was slightly bowed towards the left
+shoulder, and the unbound hair fell down in great shining waves upon
+the regal bust, over which the nightdress was torn. A white button with
+a shred of linen attached, which hung in the buttonhole, was the only
+sign that a state of excitement must have preceded slumber.
+
+"My sweet one, you are sleeping, are you not?" sobbed Mrs. Hellingen
+"Say that you are sleeping! You cannot have brought such disgrace upon
+your aunt, your dear aunt, who cared for you and watched over you like
+her own child." With that she seized the unconscious girl's pale,
+pendant, white hand, and endeavoured to drag her up by it.
+
+Her tender-hearted husband had covered his face with his hands, and was
+weeping. The physician gave himself no time for emotion. He had pulled
+out his instruments, pushed Mrs. Hellinger aside with scant politeness,
+and was bending over the bosom, which with one rapid touch he entirely
+freed of its covering.
+
+When he rose up, every drop of blood had left his face.
+
+"One last attempt," he said, and made a quick incision straight across
+the upper arm, where an artery wound itself in a bluish line through
+the white, gleaming flesh. The edges of the wound gaped open without
+filling with blood; only after some seconds a few sluggish, dark drops
+oozed forth.
+
+Then the old man threw the shining little knife far from him, folded
+his hands and--struggling with his tears--uttered a prayer.
+
+
+
+
+                                  III.
+
+
+On the afternoon of the same day, a light one-horse cabriolet sped over
+the common which extends across country for several miles northwards of
+Gromowo, and in the direction of the little town.
+
+Dark and lowering, as if within reach of one's hand, the clouds lay
+over the level plain. Here and there a willow stump stretched its
+gnarled excrescences into the fog-laden air, all saturated with
+moisture and glistening with the drops which hung in long rows on its
+bare branches. The wheels sank deep into the boggy road, winding along
+between withered reed-grass, and often the water splashed up as high as
+the box-seat.
+
+The man who held the reins took little heed of the surrounding
+landscape; quite lost in thought he sat huddled up, only occasionally
+starting up when the reins threatened to slip from his careless
+fingers. Then the herculean build of his limbs became apparent, and his
+broad, high-arched chest expanded as if it would burst the coarse grey
+cloak which stretched across it in scanty folds.
+
+The man's stature was similar to that of old Hellinger, perhaps even
+superior, and the face, too, bore an undeniable family resemblance; but
+what had there remained pleasing and soft and undefined even in old
+age, had here developed into harsh, impressive lines, testifying to
+defiance and gloomy brooding. A curly, terribly-neglected beard in dark
+disorder encompassed the firm-set jaw, assumed a lighter dye near the
+corners of the mouth, and fell upon the breast in two fair points.
+
+This was Robert Hellinger, the owner of Gromowo manor, Olga's
+betrothed. Of the happiness that had come to him yesterday there was
+little written in his face. His grey, half-veiled eyes stared moodily
+into the distance, and the wrinkles between his eyebrows never for one
+moment disappeared. He well knew that hard work was in store for him
+before he could lead home his bride--hours of bitterest struggle were
+imminent, and even victory would bring him nothing but care and
+anxiety. His thoughts travelled back over the dark times that lay in
+the past, and that had hardly ever been illumined by a ray of light.
+
+It was now six years since his father had solemnly made over to him, as
+eldest son, the old family inheritance, the manor, and had himself
+retired to a comfortable quiet life in the little town. On this day
+his period of suffering had commenced, for he was burdened with a
+yoke so heavy that even his herculean shoulders threatened to break
+under its weight; everything he gained by the work of his sinewy
+hands--everything of which he positively pinched himself--melted away
+and was swallowed up by the claims which his family laid upon him. He
+had no right to complain. Was it not all according to strict law? The
+inheritance had been exactly divided to the very last farthing among
+him and his six brothers and sisters, not counting the reserve which
+his parents claimed for themselves.
+
+Every brick of his house, every clod of his land, was encumbered--on
+every ear of corn ripening in his fields his mother's suspicious gaze
+was fixed, for she kept strict watch lest the interests should come in
+a minute late. And was she not justified in so doing? Had he a right to
+claim more love from her than she gave to her other children? There
+were brothers who wanted to make their way in the world; sisters who
+had only been married for the sake of their dowry: they all looked
+anxiously and eagerly towards him as the promoter and preserver of
+their happiness.
+
+The interests! That was the dreadful word that henceforth hour by hour
+droned in his ears, that by night startled him from his sleep and
+filled his dreams with wild visions. The interests! How often on their
+account he had beaten his brow with clenched fists! How often he had
+run without sense or feeling through the loamy fields, to escape from
+this host of glinting, gleaming devils! How often in a blind fit of
+rage he had smashed to pieces some tool, a ploughshare, a waggon-pole,
+with his fist, as if he did not mind with what weapon he fought them!
+But they did not leave him. All the more tenaciously did they fasten
+themselves on to his heels; all the more thirstily did they suck the
+marrow from his young bones.
+
+What good was it that he sometimes succeeded in mastering them? This
+hydra everlastingly brought forth new heads; from quarter to quarter it
+stood there before his terrified gaze, more and more monstrous, more
+and more gigantic, growing and swelling, ready to pounce upon him and
+crush him with the weight of its body. Thus from one reprieve to the
+next his life had dragged along since that day which was so merrily
+celebrated at the "Black Eagle" with drinking of claret and champagne.
+
+If only his mother had exercised some leniency! But she did not even
+exempt him from the stipulated asparagus in spring, nor even from the
+loan of the carriage for drives during harvest-time when the horses
+were so badly wanted in the fields.
+
+"He that will not hearken to advice must suffer," she was wont to say,
+and he would not hearken; no, indeed not! With one short, simple "yes"
+he might have put a stop to all his misery, might have lived in the lap
+of luxury to the end of his days; and because he would not do it, out
+of sheer, inconceivable stubbornness, because all her wife-hunting had
+been to no purpose--that was why his mother could not forgive him.
+
+Thus two years passed away. Then he began to feel that such a life must
+sooner or later make a wreck of him. This anxiety and worry was
+exhausting him more and more; he decided to put an end to it all and to
+demand of fate that modest share of happiness which was pledged and
+promised to him by a pair of faithful blue eyes, and a pale, gentle
+mouth. Then came a day when he brought home, as wife to his hearth, the
+love of his youth, who had shortly become orphaned and homeless.
+
+It was a dreary, sad November day, and dark clouds sped like birds of
+ill omen across the sky. Trembling and pale, in her black mourning
+dress, the frail, delicate creature hung on his arm and quaked beneath
+every half-compassionate, half-contemptuous glance with which the
+strange people examined her.
+
+As for his mother, she had received her with reproaches and
+maledictions, and a year had elapsed before tolerable relations were
+established between the two.
+
+Martha had kept up bravely, and in spite of her delicate health, had
+worked from morn to night in order to set to rights what had all gone
+topsy-turvy during the master's long bachelorhood.
+
+And when, after three years of quiet, cheering companionship. Heaven
+was about to bless their union, she had--even when her condition
+already required the greatest care--always been up and doing, working
+and ordering in kitchen, attic, and cellar.
+
+It almost seemed as if thus by labour she wanted to give an equivalent
+for her missing dowry.
+
+Then--two days after the birth of a child--Olga had suddenly arrived in
+Gromowo. He had not seen her since his marriage. At first sight of her
+he was almost startled. She came towards him with an expression of such
+proud reserve and bitterness; she had blossomed forth to such regal
+beauty.
+
+And this woman he was to-day to call his own! Yet what a world of
+suffering, how many days of gloomiest brooding and despair, how many
+nights full of horrible visions lay between now and then!
+
+He shuddered; he did not like to recall it any more. To-day everything
+seemed to have turned out well; Martha's glorified image smiled down in
+peace and benediction, and, like a flower sprung from her grave,
+happiness was blooming anew for him.
+
+Nearer and nearer came the turrets of the little town; higher and
+higher they stretched up behind the alder thickets. And a quarter of an
+hour later the carriage drove into the roughly-paved street.
+
+Soon after entering the gates Robert made the discovery that people who
+met him to-day behaved towards him in the most peculiar manner. Some
+avoided him, others in evident confusion doffed their caps and then as
+quickly as possible fled from his presence. On the other hand, the
+windows of every house past which the carriage drove, filled with heads
+that stared at him gravely and disappeared hurriedly behind the
+curtains at his greeting.
+
+He shook his head doubtfully. But as his mind was so full of the
+approaching struggle, he took not much notice, and henceforth looked
+neither to the right nor to the left. At the corner of the marketplace,
+where there used to be the little excise-office, stood his uncle's, the
+doctor's, old housekeeper, holding her hands hidden under her blue
+apron, and with an expression on her face like that of an undertaker.
+
+As the carriage approached, she signed to him to stop.
+
+"Well, Mrs. Liebetreu," he said, amused, "you at least do not take to
+your heels at my approach to-day."
+
+The old woman gazed up at the sky, so that she might not have to look
+him in the face.
+
+"Oh! young master," said she--he was always called "young master," to
+distinguish him from his father, though he was long past thirty--"the
+doctor wishes me to ask if you will kindly just step round there first;
+he has something to say to you."
+
+"Is what he has to say to me very pressing?"
+
+The woman was very much terrified, for she thought the unhappy
+intelligence would now fall to her lot to tell.
+
+"Oh, gracious me!" she said; "he only put it like that."
+
+"Well, then, give my kindest regards to my uncle the doctor, and the
+message, that I only just wanted first to have a little talk with my
+parents--he knows what about--and will then come round to him at once."
+
+The old woman muttered something, but the words stuck in her throat.
+The carriage rolled on in the direction of old Hellinger's villa,
+that lay there under mighty old lime-trees, as if resting beneath a
+canopy. The bright plate-glass windows greeted him cheerily, the
+shining tiled roof gleamed in the light, the tranquillity of a
+well-provisioned old age rested, as usual, over all. He tied his horse
+to the garden-railings, and strode with heavy, noisy tread up the
+small flight of steps, on the parapet of which, in wide-bellied urns,
+half-faded aster plants mournfully drooped their heads.
+
+The hall-bell sounded in shrill tones through the house, but no one put
+in an appearance to receive him. He threw down his rain-soaked cloak on
+one of the oak chests in which his mother's linen treasures were hidden
+away. Then he stepped into the sitting-room--it was empty.
+
+"The old people are probably taking their afternoon nap," he muttered;
+"and I think it will be advisable to let them have their sleep out
+to-day."
+
+He flung himself into a corner of the sofa, and gazed towards the door;
+for he privately hoped that Olga might have noticed his conveyance in
+front of the house, and would come down to shake hands with him.
+
+He began to get impatient. "Can she have gone out to the manor?" he
+asked himself But, no--she would not do that; for she knew he would
+come to speak to his parents.
+
+"I will knock at her door," he decided, and got up.
+
+He smiled anxiously, and stretched his mighty limbs. After having
+longed for her incessantly since yesterday evening, now, at the moment
+of beholding her again, he was filled with a peculiar fear of facing
+her. The feeling of humble reverence, which always took possession of
+him in her presence, now again made itself evident. Was it possible
+that this woman had yesterday hung upon his neck? And what if she
+regretted it to-day--if she went back from her word?
+
+But at this moment all his defiance awoke within him. He opened his
+arms wide, and with a smile which reflected the memory of happy hours
+recently lived through, he cried:
+
+"Let her but dare such a thing! With these hands of mine I will lift
+her up and carry her to my home! If Martha gives her consent, I wonder
+who should object."
+
+On tip-toe, so as not to wake his parents, he climbed up the stairs,
+which nevertheless creaked and groaned under the weight of his body.
+
+Before Olga's door he started back, for he saw the gleam of light which
+fell through the broken panel on to the corridor.
+
+No one answered to his knocking. Nevertheless, he entered.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+A moment later the whole house trembled in its foundations, as if the
+roof had fallen in.
+
+The two old people, who had retired to their bedroom to recuperate
+their strength after those trying hours of the forenoon, started up in
+terror. They called the maids. But these had run off, so that the town
+should no longer be kept in ignorance of the newest details about the
+sad occurrence.
+
+"You go up," said the energetic woman to her husband, and tremblingly
+put out her hand for the little bottle of sulphuric ether which she
+always kept at hand. It was the first time in her life that she felt
+frightened.
+
+When old Hellinger entered the gable-room, he saw a sight which froze
+the blood in his veins.
+
+His son's body lay stretched on the ground. As he fell he must have
+clutched the supports of the bier on which the dead girl had been
+placed, and dragged down the whole erection with him; for on the top of
+him, between the broken planks, lay the corpse, in its long white
+shroud, its motionless face upon his face, its bared arms thrown over
+his head.
+
+At this moment he regained consciousness, and started up. The dead
+girl's head sank down from his, and bumped on to the floor.
+
+"Robert, my boy!" cried the old man, and rushed towards him.
+
+With wide-open, glassy eyes, Robert stared about him. He seemed not yet
+to have recovered his senses. Then he perceived one of the arms, which,
+as the body dropped sidewards, had fallen right across his chest. His
+gaze travelled along it up to the shoulder, as far as the neck--as far
+as the white rigidly-smiling face.
+
+Supported by the old man's two arms, he raised himself up. He tottered
+on his legs like a bull that has received a blow from an axe.
+
+"Good God, boy, do come to your senses!" cried his father, taking him
+by his shoulders. "The misfortune has taken place; we are men, we must
+keep our composure."
+
+His son looked at him vacantly, helplessly as a child. Then he bent
+over the dead body, lifted it up, and laid it across the bed, pushing
+the fragments of the bier to one side with his foot.
+
+Then he seated himself close to her on the pillow, and mechanically
+wound a coil of her flowing hair round his finger.
+
+The old man began to entertain fears of his son's sanity.
+
+"Robert," he said, coming close up to him again, "pull yourself
+together. Come away from here; you cannot bring her back to life
+again."
+
+Then he broke into a laugh so shrill and horrible, that it froze the
+very marrow in his father's bones.
+
+All of a sudden his stupor left him; he jumped up, his eyes glowed, and
+on his temples the veins swelled up.
+
+"Where is mother?" he screamed, advancing towards the old man.
+
+He sought to pacify him.
+
+"Good heavens! do have patience! We will tell you all."
+
+The old lady, who had already been standing for a long time listening
+on the stairs, at this moment put in her head at the door.
+
+He rushed past his father and at her as if about to strangle her;
+but he had at least so much reason left as to be sensible of the
+monstrousness of his proceeding. His arms fell down limp at his
+sides--he set his teeth as if to choke down his pent-up rage. "Mother,"
+said he, "you shall account to me for this. I demand an explanation of
+you. Why did she die?"
+
+The old woman came towards him with tender compassion, and made as if
+she would burst into tears upon his neck.
+
+With a rough movement he shook her off.
+
+"Leave that, mother," he said, "I claim her from you!"
+
+"But, Robert," whined the old woman, "is this the way for a son to
+treat his mother? Adalbert, just tell him how he ought to treat his
+mother!"
+
+He took hold of the old man's hands. "You keep out of the game,
+father," he said. "The account which I have to settle to-day with my
+mother concerns us two alone. Mother, I ask you once more: why did
+she die?" He was leaning against the wall and stared at her with
+half-closed, blood-shot eyes.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger had meanwhile commenced to cry.
+
+"Do you suppose I know?" she sobbed; "do you suppose anybody at all
+knows? We found her in her bed, that is all. She has brought disgrace
+upon our house, the miserable creature, in return for----"
+
+"Do not abuse her, mother," he said, wildly, speaking in an angry
+undertone; "you know very well that she was my bride!"
+
+His mother gave vent to a cry of astonishment, and her husband too made
+a movement of surprise.
+
+"What! you do not know that? Mother," he cried, and pressed both his
+fists to his temples, "did she say nothing to you? Did she not come to
+you last night, and tell you what had taken place between her and me
+during the day?"
+
+"Heaven forbid!" groaned the old woman. "Scarce a syllable did she
+speak to me, but went and locked herself up in her room."
+
+"Mother," he said, and stepped close up to her. "When she had confessed
+all to you, did you not work upon her conscience? Did you not impress
+it upon her that if she truly loved me she must give me up, that she
+would bring misfortune upon me, and Heaven knows what besides! Mother,
+did you not do this?"
+
+"My own son does not believe me! My own son gives me the lie,"
+whimpered the old woman. "These are the thanks that I get from my
+children to-day."
+
+He grasped her right hand. "Mother," he said, "you have done me many a
+wrong in all these years. The worst and bitterest I ever experienced
+came to me through you."
+
+"Merciful Heavens," shrieked the old woman, "these are the
+thanks--these are the thanks!"
+
+"But all the evil you did to me and Martha I will forgive you, mother,"
+he continued, "nay, more even! On my bended knees I will ask your
+forgiveness for ever having harboured a bitter thought against you; but
+one thing you must do for me--here by her dead body you must swear that
+you knew of nothing, that in all things you were speaking the truth."
+And he dragged her to the corpse that stared up at him with its
+ecstatic smile--a bride's smile to her bridegroom.
+
+"That such a thing should be necessary between us," complained the old
+woman, and cast a glance of bitter hatred at him out of her swollen
+eyes. But she suffered him to lay her right hand on the dead girl's
+forehead; she stroked it and sobbed, "I swear it, my sweet one, you
+know best that I knew nothing and never required anything wrong of
+you." Thereupon she gave a sigh of relief, as if she had suddenly come
+to understand what a gain this tragic deed would mean for her and her
+family. Sincere gratitude lay in the tender caress with which she
+fondled the dead face.
+
+At this moment the old physician came rushing into the room. He had
+hoped to overtake Robert and prepare him for the worst, and saw in
+terror that he had come too late.
+
+Old Hellinger hurried towards him and whispered in his ear: "Take him
+away, he is out of his senses! We can do nothing with him here!"
+
+Robert stood there clutching at the bed-posts, his chest heaving, his
+face as if turned to stone with gloomy, tearless misery.
+
+The old doctor rubbed his stubbly grey beard against his shoulder, and
+growled in that roughly compassionate way which goes quickest to the
+hearts of strong men.
+
+"Come away, my boy; don't do anything foolish; do not disturb her
+rest."
+
+Robert started and nodded several times.
+
+Then suddenly--as if overpowered by his misery--he fell down in front
+of the bed and cried out, "Wherefore didst thou die?"
+
+
+
+
+                                  IV.
+
+
+Wherefore had she died?
+
+This question henceforth puzzled the whole town completely. In the
+streets--at the tea-table, on the alehouse benches--it was the one
+topic for discussion. People indulged in the most out-of-the-way
+surmises, the most hazardous conjectures were put forward, and still no
+one was one whit the wiser. Some spoke of an unhappy, others of an
+over-happy love affair, and others again declared that they had always
+predicted that she would not come to a good end.
+
+During her life-time already, her proud, taciturn, reserved nature had
+been a riddle to the good homely townfolk; now her death was a still
+greater riddle to them.
+
+Meanwhile it had got about that the physician had been the first to
+receive news of the suicide, and the only one to whom she herself had
+confided her intention. People crowded up to him; they almost stormed
+his house; but he persisted in his silence. With all the bluffness of
+which he was so particularly capable, he sent the importunate
+questioners about their business. Olga's letter he had on the very
+same day committed to the flames, for he feared that a court of law
+might require it of him. As for the rest, the cause of death was so
+evident that even a post-mortem examination could be dispensed with.
+As might have been expected, the dead girl had not succeeded in
+absolutely removing every trace of her deed. In the glass standing on
+her night-table were found, adhering to its sides, drops of a fluid
+whose flavour proved, even to a non-expert, that here a solution of
+morphia was in question. The chain of evidence became complete when in
+the garden, embedded under some hawthorn bushes, were found fragments
+of glass bottles, to the necks of which a portion of the poisonous
+solution still adhered in white crystallised streaks. They had
+evidently been thrown out of the window, and still bore labels giving
+the date of the prescription and directions for taking.
+
+As matters stood, it would have been simple madness on the doctor's
+part if he had dared to attempt to hush up the suicidal intention; for
+even carelessness in taking the sleeping draught was quite out of the
+question.
+
+Nevertheless, he was tormented by the idea that he had been unable to
+carry out the dying girl's last request, and he faithfully promised
+himself that he would all the more truly at least keep the secret which
+she had wrapped round her motives for the unhappy deed.
+
+If only he himself could see his way clear at last! The days passed by,
+however, and still he could not succeed in taking possession of the
+legacy which Olga had left to him.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger, senior, mistrusted him; she told him openly to his face
+that he had always had some secret understanding with the dead girl,
+and behind his back she added that if he had not prescribed such
+unreasonably strong solutions of morphia, Olga would have been alive
+and happy for a long time to come. She almost went so far as to ascribe
+the blame of her niece's death to their old family friend.
+
+At any rate she did not permit him henceforth to remain for one second
+alone in the dead girl's room. She kept the door carefully locked, and
+declared she would not suffer the dead girl's belongings, which to her
+were sacred relics, to be defiled by the touch of strange hands, or by
+strange glances.
+
+Thus from hour to hour there was increasing danger that the book, in
+which Olga had written down her confessions, might fall into the old
+woman's hands.
+
+She need only take it into her head one day to rummage among the little
+collection of volumes which filled the book-shelf, and the mischief was
+done.
+
+Added to this anxiety, which drove the old doctor daily to the
+Hellingers' house, came his growing uneasiness about Robert who, since
+that disastrous hour, had fallen a prey to blank, despairing lethargy.
+He seemed absolutely deprived of the power of speech, would endure no
+one near him, and even taciturnly shunned and avoided him, his old
+friend; by day he roamed about in the fields, by night he sat by his
+child's cot, and stared down upon it with burning, reddened eyes.
+
+So said the servants, who three times had found him in the morning in
+this position.
+
+
+
+
+                                   V.
+
+
+The lights round Olga's coffin had burnt down.
+
+The guests, who for so long had surrounded the bier in solemn silence,
+began to move to and fro, and to look round for refreshments.
+
+Mrs. Hellinger, who was receiving condolences, and at the same time,
+with a great profusion of tears and pocket handkerchiefs, extolling the
+virtues of the deceased, suddenly, in the midst of her grief, proved
+herself an attentive and liberal hostess. The guests gave a sigh of
+relief when the doors of the dining-room were thrown open, and from the
+resplendent table a sweet odour of roast meats, _compotes_ and herring
+salad greeted them.
+
+Mr. Hellinger, senior, praised the Lord, and with a few privileged
+friends, drank the specially fine claret which he set before them in
+honour of the occasion. They were not yet agreed whether an innocent
+game of cards would be disparaging to the general mourning, and decided
+to send delegates to the hostess to obtain her permission.
+
+There was plenty of life and bustle in the Hellingers' house--one might
+have imagined one were at a wedding.
+
+The physician, who dropped in late upon this merry company, looked
+about anxiously for Robert. He was nowhere to be seen.
+
+Thereupon he took one of the guests aside and inquired after him. Yes,
+he had been there, had looked about him with startled eyes, and had
+silently moved aside when any one wanted to shake hands with him. But
+after a very few minutes his disappearance had been noticed.
+
+The physician went into the entrance-hall, and hunted among the guests'
+wraps for Robert's cloak. It was lying there yet.
+
+With the freedom of an old friend of the family, he then commenced his
+search through the back rooms of the house, which were quiet and
+deserted; for the servants were busy waiting at table.
+
+In a narrow, dark chamber, where disused furniture was piled up, he
+found him sitting on an overturned wooden case, brooding with his head
+in his hands.
+
+"Robert, my boy, what are you doing here?" he cried out to him.
+
+He raised his head slowly and said, "I suppose there are merry
+goings-on in the other part of the house?"
+
+The physician laid his hands on his shoulders:
+
+"I am anxious about you, my boy. Since three days you grudge a word to
+any of us; you are on the road to madness, if you go on like this."
+
+"What do you want?" answered Robert, with a sigh that broke from him
+like a cry of anguish. "I am calm, quite calm." Then he once more
+rested his bushy head upon his two hands, and fell again to brooding.
+
+The old man sat down at his side and began to remonstrate with him. He
+forgot no single thing that one is won't to say in such cases, and
+added many a comforting, strengthening word of his own making. Robert
+sat there motionless, he hardly gave any sign of interest. But when the
+old man came to no stop, he interrupted him, and said:
+
+"Leave that, uncle, that is sweet stuff for little children. To the one
+question on which for me depends life and death, you, too, can give me
+no answer."
+
+"What question?"
+
+"Uncle, see, I am calm now--wonderfully calm--no fever, no frenzy is
+upon me as I speak, and so you will believe me when I tell you that I
+do not know--how I shall live through this night!"
+
+"For God's sake, what are you about to do?"
+
+Robert shrugged his shoulders.
+
+"I do not know," he said, "whatever suggests itself at the moment will
+do for me. I am only sorry for the poor little mite that will have to
+go on living without a father--perhaps I shall take it with me on my
+journey--I do not know. I only know the one thing, that I cannot go on
+like this any longer!"
+
+The old man, trembling with fear in every limb, heaped reproaches upon
+him. That would be cowardly, that would be unmanly, and only worthy of
+a miserable weakling.
+
+Robert listened to him calmly, then he said:
+
+"You would be right, uncle, if it were her death which made me despair
+of myself and of my happiness! But, good heavens!"--he laughed harshly
+and bitterly--"I have long since accustomed myself to lay no claim to
+happiness. As for me, I would quietly bear my affliction,--(I have
+experience in that, as you know, for I have already lowered one loved
+being into the grave),--and go on raking and scraping money together,
+as I have been doing for so long, and doing in the midst of the deepest
+sorrow; for the interests, you know, they take little notice of the
+state of one's feelings, and even if one's hand grows numb with pain
+and despair--they have to be paid! But that is not what makes my brain
+so disorganised--for I am disorganised, you may believe me; before my
+eyes sparks are constantly dancing, my body is convulsed, and my blood
+rushes like fire through my veins. And yet I am quite calm with it all,
+and see everything all around as clearly as if I could look right
+through it. Only the one thing I cannot comprehend--it haunts me like a
+terrible phantom by day and by night, and when I seek to grasp it, it
+escapes me--this one thing: _Wherefore_ did she die?"
+
+The old man started. He thought of the letter and the promise that the
+dead girl had therein required of him.
+
+Robert continued: "There is a voice which constantly screams into my
+ears, 'It is _your_ fault!' _How_ so I do not know; for however much I
+probe the depths of my soul, I find no wrong there that I did her; and
+yet the voice will not be silenced. I tell myself,--'This is a fixed
+idea.' I tell myself, 'You are tormenting yourself; you are a fool and
+wicked--wicked towards yourself and your child;' but it is no good,
+uncle!--it will not be silenced. And, after all, there may be something
+in it, uncle? Would Olga not be alive yet, if it were not for me? If,
+on the preceding evening, things had not happened----"
+
+He stopped, shuddering, and covered his face with his hands. Tearless
+sobs shook his mighty frame. Then he said: "Uncle, I cannot--I dare not
+think of it; it drives me out of my senses. I feel--as if I must break
+and dash to pieces everything with these fists."
+
+"And yet you must pull yourself together, my boy," said the old man,
+"and tell me everything successively; for that is the only way to throw
+light upon the mystery."
+
+There ensued a silence in the dark room. The old man trembled in every
+limb. He saw the outlines of the massive figure that stood out darkly
+against the light window of the chamber; he saw the heaving of the
+chest which rose and sank and panted and groaned like the crater of a
+volcano; he felt on his skin the hot waves of breath from Robert's
+mouth.
+
+"Pull yourself together, my boy," he repeated softly.
+
+Robert waged a conflict within himself Then he stretched himself as if
+with newly awakening energy and said:
+
+"All right, uncle; you shall know all....
+
+"Since the day on which she so proudly and coldly refused my offer I
+had not met her again. It is true she came as before to the manor to
+look after the child and the household. I know now that it was for
+Martha's and not for my sake; but there was a silent understanding
+between us, so that we avoided meeting each other. She chose the hours
+when she knew I was busy out in the sheds and stables, and I did not
+return to the house until I had seen her disappear through the gate.
+
+"On Tuesday, as it happened, I was obliged to go out to the manor farm;
+but half a mile outside the town, on that bad road, my axle broke. As I
+had taken no driver with me, and far and wide there was no one in
+sight, I myself mounted the harnessed horse and rode back to fetch
+help. At the manor the overseer told me that the young lady had gone
+home some time before. It was, in fact, already beginning to grow very
+dark. 'Well, then there's no danger,' I think to myself, and walk into
+the house.
+
+"When I open the door of the sitting-room, I see in the dusk a dark
+shadow that flits hurriedly out of the room.
+
+"'Who may that be?' I think, and follow in pursuit.
+
+"In the child's room I find--_her_--just as she is trying hard to
+unbolt the door leading to the corridor, which, as you know, is always
+kept locked on account of the draught.
+
+"Then, uncle, it comes over me as if I must rush towards her; but just
+in time I recollect who she is--and who I am.
+
+"I see how her hands are trembling. 'Do not be angry with me, Olga,' I
+said, stammering; 'I did not wish to do you any harm. I am only here by
+chance. I will henceforth arrange so that you may never meet me.'
+
+"Then she lets her hands drop, and gives me a look that makes me feel
+hot and cold all over. 'Martha never looked at me like that,' I think
+to myself. I want to speak, but the words will not come, for I am so
+confused and embarrassed. She stands pressing her tall figure close up
+to the door, as if to take refuge there from me. I hear her heavy,
+feverish breathing. 'Olga,' I say, 'it was presumption on my part that
+I ever dared to think of gaining your hand; I know very well that I am
+not worthy of you. I beg of you, forget all about it; I will never
+remind you of it.'
+
+"And at this moment, uncle--how shall I describe it to you?--leave me
+for a second the memory--yet what boots it?--I will be strong, uncle--I
+will pull myself together--at this moment she rushes towards me, clasps
+me round, covers my face with kisses, and then suddenly she sinks down
+with a sigh and lies there at my feet as if felled by a stroke. I gaze
+down upon her like one in a dream.
+
+"'It is not true,' I cry to myself; 'it is madness. You were ready to
+look up to her as to a goddess, and now she throws herself away on one
+who is not worthy of her.'
+
+"I hardly dared to touch her; but I had to raise her up; and when I
+held her in my arms she began to sob bitterly, as if she would cry her
+very soul out. 'Olga, why are you crying?' say I. 'All is well now.'
+But even I, giant of a fellow as I am, start crying like a little
+child.
+
+"'Forgive, me, Robert!' I hear her voice at my ear; 'I have grieved you
+sorely, but I will never--never do so again.'
+
+"'And will you always love me now?' I ask; for even now I cannot
+realise it yet.
+
+"'Oh, you--you,' she says, 'I love you more than anything else in the
+world,' and hides her face upon my neck.
+
+"But now, uncle, hear what followed! When I see her dark head of curls
+lying so submissively upon my shoulder the question arises within me:
+'Is this the same Olga who, a few days ago, turned from you so calmly
+and proudly when you modestly and humbly asked her consent?'
+
+"So I said to her: 'Olga,' said I, 'how could you torture me so? Have I
+become a different man in this short space of time?' Then I see her
+grow as white as the chalk on the walls, and hear her voice in my ear:
+'Do not question me; for God's sake do not question me!'
+
+"A feeling of terror awakens within me lest I may perhaps lose her
+to-morrow--as I have won her to-day.
+
+"'Olga,' say I, 'if you are so changeable in your decisions, who will
+give me surety----?'
+
+"I stop short, for in her face lies something which commands silence.
+She tears herself away from me and flings herself into a chair.
+
+"'As you wish to know,' she says, and the while with darkening brows
+stares upon the ground--'I was afraid--I doubted your love, and thought
+you might let me feel that I came to you without a penny----'
+
+"And with that the lie makes her face all aflame.
+
+"'Olga,' I cry out, 'could you think that of me? Do you remember 'What
+I reminded her of was one night on her father's estate when I came
+wooing Martha and thought to return sadly with a refusal; for Martha
+was ready to sacrifice herself and her happiness, so that I might marry
+another. Then she--Olga--had come to me in the middle of the night, and
+had opened my eyes for me, blind fool that I was, and spoken words to
+me, words full of contempt for mammon, which sounded like Love's song
+of triumph in my ears. _Those_ words I spoke to her now; for each one
+was indelibly stamped on my memory.
+
+"'At that time, then--you had such brave and generous thoughts--when
+you spoke on Martha's behalf,' I cried out to her, 'and now--when they
+apply to yourself----' I look into her face, which is trying to smile
+and ever smiling; but this smile grew rigid, and in the midst of it she
+closed her eyes and fell down fainting, like a log of wood.
+
+"It was trouble enough to bring her back to life; for I did not care to
+call in any help. Quite a quarter of an hour she lay there--not much
+otherwise than she is lying now--then she opened her eyes, and for a
+long time gazed silently into my face--so sorrowfully, so wearily and
+hopelessly, that I quite trembled for her. And thereupon she folded her
+hands and spoke up to me softly and imploringly:
+
+"'Give me time, Robert; I have overtaxed my strength. I must first grow
+accustomed to it----'
+
+"I, however, was so filled with the exuberance of my new happiness that
+I believed I could by force compel her too to be happy. 'If we love
+each other, Olga,' I cried, 'and the deceased says "Yes" and "Amen" to
+our union, I should like to see who could object! Therefore be brave
+and cheerful, my child!' But she was anything but brave or cheerful.
+And not till now--when she is dead--have I realised how utterly
+miserable and broken down she was as she lay there on the cushions--she
+who as a rule was so proud and severe in her behaviour to herself and
+others. It was as if some intense sorrow had cut the innermost nerve of
+her life in twain. That is all clear to me now, but then I did not see
+it--I would not see it; and I went on remonstrating with her,
+comforting her as I thought. She listened to me, but said nothing; only
+now and then she nodded her head, and a smile of unutterable sadness
+and weariness played about her lips.
+
+"I put it all down to the excitement of the moment and to the sadness
+of the last few years, which must rise up once more all the mightier
+within her, now that, for her too, a new happiness was dawning to
+supplant it.
+
+"'And the first thing we do,' said I, 'Olga, shall be to visit the
+churchyard. When we have stood at Martha's grave, my mother's
+resistance and the ill-will of the whole world need no longer affect
+us.'
+
+"Then she let her hands drop from her face, looked at me with great
+terror-stricken eyes, and asked in a perfectly toneless voice: 'You
+want to go to the churchyard with me?'
+
+"'Yes, with you,' I answered; 'and now, at once, if you are willing.'
+
+"'Then a shudder ran through her frame, and in a strangely hoarse tone
+she said: 'Have patience till to-morrow; to-morrow I will do what you
+wish.'
+
+"'Yes, my dear, good child,' I then said; 'put all foolish fancies out
+of your head by tomorrow, and think to yourself that _she_ is not angry
+with us. We shall certainly not forget her! And must not our mutual
+grief for her bind us all the more closely together for the whole of
+our lives? Her memory will always be with us; and do you not also
+believe that from her whole heart she would bless our union if she
+could look down upon us from heaven? Has she not left us her child as a
+legacy, that we might watch over it together, and not surrender it to
+any stranger?'
+
+"Then she threw herself down in front of the little cot, in which the
+little creature lay blissfully dozing, and pressed her face against its
+little head.
+
+"Thus she lay for a long time, and I let her lie.
+
+"When she rose up, the rigid calm once more rested upon her face that
+we were wont to see there. She gave me her hand, and said: 'Go, my
+friend; leave me alone.' And I went, for I was ready in all things to
+do her bidding; I did not even embrace her.
+
+"A quarter of an hour later I saw her cross the courtyard. I waited at
+the window; but she did not look back any more.
+
+"Next morning--well, you know, uncle, how I found her then. And at
+that moment I was as if struck by lightning. Uncle, I may grow old and
+grey--that moment will destroy every pleasure, and every laugh will die
+away from my lips as its consequence. But at least I might live. I
+might drag on this miserable existence, so that my child should not be
+deprived of its modest share of happiness. Only that one thing I must
+know--I must be freed from that one horrible idea, else I cannot go
+on--I cannot, however hard I try. Else I shall rot away alive.... Some
+one must arise, even if it be from the other side of the grave, and
+must tell me wherefore she died!"
+
+Once more there was silence in the dark room. Nothing was audible but
+the heavy breathing of the two men and the rustling of a rat, which had
+accompanied Robert's story with the monotonous, hollow music of its
+gnawing.
+
+The old man struggled hard within himself. Should he treacherously
+disclose the secret of her life as he had already betrayed the secret
+of her death? But was there not, in this case, a good deed to be done?
+Did it not mean freeing him whom she had loved above all things, from
+the torments to which--either a mistaken idea or a secret consciousness
+of guilt--condemned him? It seemed like a miracle, like special
+heavenly grace, that the mouth which seemed closed for ever, should
+once more be permitted to open, to bring peace to the loved one.
+
+The old man gave a deep sigh. He had taken his resolution. "And
+supposing she should have taken thought, Robert," he said, "to give an
+account to you from beyond the grave?"
+
+Robert uttered a cry, and clutched his wrists.
+
+"What do you mean by that, uncle?"
+
+"If you had not burrowed in your grief like a mole, and taken flight
+before every human face, you would have known long ago what is in every
+one's mouth, namely, that on the morning of her death I received a
+letter from her----"
+
+"You--uncle--from her----?"
+
+"Goodness, my boy, you are breaking the bones in my body. Do first
+listen to me patiently"--and he told him the contents of the letter.
+
+Robert had started to his feet and was nervously running his fingers
+through his hair. His eyes, which were staring down upon the old man,
+gleamed through the darkness.
+
+"And the book--give it to me--where is it?"
+
+The old man informed him how great was the danger in which Olga's
+secret was hovering, and what anxiety he had himself passed through on
+its account.
+
+"Wait, I will fetch it," cried Robert, and hurried towards the door.
+
+The old man held him back. "Your mother has the key--take care that her
+suspicion is not aroused."
+
+"The door is half broken, I will smash it entirely."
+
+"They will hear you downstairs."
+
+"They are enjoying themselves much too well!" answered Robert, and
+laughed grimly. "Come, we will go together."
+
+And through a back door, along the dark corridor, up the creaking
+stairs, the two men crept like two thieves who have come to take
+advantage of some festive occasion.
+
+Opening the door proved even easier than they had hoped. The loosened
+hinge of the lock moved out of its joints almost without pressure.
+
+At the door both stopped, overcome with emotion, as the dark room,
+faintly illumined by the starry clearness of the night, lay before
+their eyes. All traces of death had been removed: the empty
+bedstead--whose supports stood out darkly against the grey wall--alone
+indicated that its occupant had sought another resting-place. The odour
+of her dresses, the faint scent of her soap, still filled the room with
+their fragrance. Even the towels on which she had dried herself were
+still hanging, in fantastic whiteness, near the black Dutch stove.
+
+Robert, unable to keep himself upright, dropped down upon a chair, and
+in long, eager breaths, which resembled a sobbing, he drank in the
+fragrance of the room. It was as if he were trying to absorb into his
+being the very last trace of her life.
+
+A short, dazzling gleam of light darted through the room, danced along
+the walls, strayed with a yellow flicker across the writing-desk, and
+made the white-draped dressing-table stand out from the darkness like
+some crouching phantom.
+
+The old man had struck a match and was groping by its aid for the
+little green-shaded lamp which had lighted Olga's sleepless nights. It
+stood on the pedestal, in the same place where Olga had extinguished it
+when about to plunge into eternal night. Its glass bowl was yet nearly
+full of petroleum. She had been in a hurry to get to rest.
+
+Carefully he lifted down the globe and lighted the wick. With a
+peaceful twilight glow the veiled flame cast its light across the
+silent chamber. Then he stepped up to the bookshelf, where the gilded
+volumes were ranged in rows and gleamed in the light. His hand for a
+little while groped along the wall and then pulled out to the light
+some blue, rolled-up object.
+
+"We have it, Robert," he cried, triumphantly; "come away!"
+
+The latter shook his head in silence. The old man urged him again; then
+he said: "We will read here, uncle--here--where she wrote it."
+
+"What if any one should surprise us?" cried the old man, fearfully.
+
+Robert shrugged his shoulders and pointed to the floor.
+
+The old man was satisfied; they softly drew up their chairs within
+light of the lamp. After this nothing was audible but the rushing of
+the winter wind as it swept through the leafless lime-tops, and the
+monotonously hoarse voice of the reader, accompanied from time to time
+by the chorus of the funeral party--now swelling up loudly, now dying
+away to a whisper.
+
+
+
+
+                                  VI.
+
+
+"Forgive me, sister, for invoking from the grave your transfigured
+shade. In remembrance of the deep love you bore me, of the warmth with
+which my heart beat for you, suffer it, if I attempt to expiate the
+guilt that weighs so heavily upon me, and whose yoke I must drag along
+with me to the end of my days! Let me once more live through all the
+love and kindness you bestowed upon me, and in the memory thereof
+forget the horrors of loneliness that, like the breath of your tomb,
+chill my very bones.
+
+"What a fool, what a wicked creature I was, to feel lonely while you
+yet dwelt on earth! Your love was the very air that I breathed! Your
+smile was the sunshine that animated me, your comforting, exhorting
+words were like the voice of God within us, to which we hearken
+reverently without understanding. And how did I thank you, sister? I
+grew a stranger to you--in sorrow and misery I have to think of you,
+and the consciousness of guilt appals me when the soughing wind
+whispers your name in my ear. Between us there stands a wild phantom
+with flaming eyes--terrible and distorted, its hair encircled by
+snakes--stretching out its claw-like hands towards me, and separating
+me from you for ever. If it were no phantom, but flesh and blood, if
+what I committed were a sin, a crime, I would wrestle with it, I would
+overcome it with the last strength of my failing energy, or allow
+myself to be strangled in its bloody grip. But it is intangible, it
+melts away into empty air--a spectre that mocks me, a mist that clouds
+my reason, and by its poison is slowly destroying me. A wish!
+
+"A wish--it is nothing more!
+
+"I wonder if you recognised it? I wonder if it was reflected in your
+dying gaze? I wonder if at your bedside, when you, good, noble soul,
+gave up the last breath of a life that was all love, you saw this
+spectre--a spectre born of envy and ingratitude, which I--miserable
+creature--dragged into your pure habitation?
+
+"If I had still my lisping childish beliefs, I would pour out the
+wretchedness of my soul before God, the Great and Merciful; but there
+is no one on earth or in heaven to take pity on me, none but your
+glorified image.
+
+"Woe is me!--that, too, turns away from me. Weeping, it veils itself,
+when yonder demon approaches my soul! And yet, was it not human to feel
+as I did? Why are we not heavenly bodies, void of desire, pure and
+ethereal? Why are we born of dust, why do we cleave to dust, eat dust
+and return to dust when we have thrown off this great fraud of life?
+The great fraud of my life I will write down here--the fraud towards
+myself--towards you, and towards a third as well, who was pure and
+good--and who yet was the cause of it all.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"I was a quiet, lonely child.
+
+"He who is always surrounded by love, and who has never known anything
+but love, often learns most easily to suffice to himself. And yet in my
+heart, too, there lay an inexhaustible store of love. I squandered it
+on dumb creatures, petted the dogs, kissed the cats, and hugged the
+geese. One of my passions was to play in the stable: there I lolled
+about on the soft, warm straw, under the very hoofs of my special pets,
+that never did me any harm; or I climbed into the manger, where I could
+sit for hours and gaze lovingly into my friends' great brown eyes. But
+my favourite place was in the dog-kennel. There they often found me
+asleep at midday, and it was no easy matter to get me out again: for
+Nero, who was as a rule so quiet and good, showed his teeth to any one,
+even to his master, who came within reach of his chain on such
+occasions. My tender affection extended also to the vegetable kingdom.
+The rose-trees appeared to me like enchanted princesses, whose fate I
+bitterly bewailed; the sunflowers were Catholic priests in full
+canonicals, and the dahlias Polish maidservants with red head-dresses.
+Thus I succeeded in assembling around me in the garden the whole human
+world, and found the counterfeit presentment preferable to the
+original, for it submitted in silence when I ordained its fate.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"The estate that my father had rented was the old feudal possession of
+a Polish magnate, which lay close to the Prussian frontier, on a hill
+whose one side sloped down gradually in a weed-grown park towards
+barren fields, while the other dropped down precipitately towards a
+rivulet, on whose opposite bank lay a dirty little Polish frontier
+village.
+
+"When one stood on the brink of the precipice one looked down upon the
+tumble-down shingle roofs, through the crevices of which smoke issued
+forth, and could see right into the midst of the wretched traffic of
+the miry street, where half-naked children wallowed in the gutter,
+women crouched idly on the doorsteps, and the men in ragged fustian
+coats trooped, with their spades on their shoulders, towards the
+alehouse.
+
+"Verily there was little that was attractive about this small town, and
+the rabble of frontier Cossacks, that trotted to and fro sleepily on
+their cat-like nags, did not enhance its charms. But yet, to my
+childish eyes, it was enveloped in inexpressible glamour, the sensation
+of which creeps over me even to-day, when I picture to myself how,
+bewitched by all these wonderful visions, I sat for hours motionless on
+the grass, and stared down upon the throng in which the figures were no
+larger than the wooden dolls in my box of toys.
+
+"I had been forbidden to go down, nor had I any desire to do so, since
+I had once been almost crushed to death between two wheels in the crowd
+of the weekly market to which my father had taken me.
+
+"It was only delightful when from up there, raised high above the dirt
+and screaming, one could gaze down upon this world of ants, which
+seemed so tiny that, like the Creator Himself, one could command it
+with a look, but which grew larger and larger, and assumed weird, giant
+proportions the more one attempted to penetrate into it.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It is remarkable that just of those persons who were most closely
+connected with me throughout my life, I have preserved but a vague
+recollection as they were at that time. Possibly because later
+impressions effaced these earliest ones.
+
+"My father was a small, sturdy man, of thick-set stature, with
+close-cut black beard and hair, clad in high, brightly blacked boots,
+and a greyish-green shaggy jacket, who laughed at me when he saw me,
+gave me a friendly slap on the back, or pinched my arm, and then was
+gone again. He was always busy, poor papa; as long as he lived I never
+saw him give himself a moment's rest.
+
+"Mama was then already very stout, was constantly eating sweet-stuff,
+and loved her afternoon nap; but she, too, was at work from morning
+till night, though she only reluctantly betook herself from place to
+place, and did not like one to hang on to her, or to bother her with
+questions.
+
+"At that time another member of the family was Cousin Robert, who had
+been sent over by our Prussian relations to learn farming from papa; a
+big fellow, broad-shouldered and thick-necked, with fair tufts of
+beard, which I was wont to pull when he took me on his knee to instil
+the A B C into me by means of bent liquorice sticks. I think we were
+always good friends, though he probably was no more to me than the
+other articled pupils; for his picture, as he was then, has become
+hazy, exactly like all the others.
+
+"Only one scene do I remember distinctly, when on a summer evening he
+had caught hold of Martha by her fair plaits and was racing after her,
+laughing and screaming, through the yard, and the house, and the
+garden.
+
+"'What are you up to with Martha, you rascal?' cried papa to him.
+
+"'She has been vexing me,' he answered, without letting go of her,
+while she kept on screaming.
+
+"'When I was your age I knew better how to revenge myself on a girl,'
+laughingly said papa, who always liked to have his little joke.
+
+"'Well, how?' he asked.
+
+"'Oh, if you don't know that yourself!' replied papa.
+
+"'One just gives her a kiss. Master Robert,' said an old gardener, who
+happened to be passing with a watering-can.
+
+"Then I can see him yet, how he suddenly let the plaits drop from his
+hands, stood there suffused with blushes and did not know where to
+look. Papa shook with laughter and Martha ran off as fast as she could.
+When I tried her door, she had locked herself in. Not till supper-time
+did she put in an appearance again. Her hair hung in disorder over her
+forehead, and beneath it she looked out dreamily and scared.
+
+"When, to-day, I compare the pale, thin, little suffering face that
+fills my whole soul, with yonder rosy, chubby, roguish countenance as
+it gleams upon me sometimes from my earliest childhood, I can hardly
+realise that both can have belonged to one and the same being.
+
+"How her long fair plaits fluttered in the wind! With what precocious,
+housewifely care her eyes scanned the long table where we all sat
+together, with apprentices and inspectors, waiting to be filled--a
+whole collection of hungry mouths. And how lustily each one helped
+himself, when, with her merry smile, she offered the dishes.
+
+"Now only do I begin to understand what a pilgrimage of suffering she
+had to make, now that I am myself preparing for the long, sad journey,
+at the end of which a lonely grave awaits me, more lonesome even than
+hers.
+
+"In those days I was a child and looked up unsuspectingly to her, who
+became my teacher when she herself had hardly put off childish ways.
+
+"It was at that time that our affairs began to take a downward course.
+Papa had to struggle against debts; failure of crops, and floods--for
+three years in succession--destroyed any hope of improvement, and
+monetary cares gathered thicker and thicker around our home.
+
+"In the household everything not absolutely necessary was dispensed
+with, our intercourse with the neighbouring estate owners was
+restricted, and even the old governess who had educated Martha and was
+now to have fulfilled her mission upon me, had to leave the estate.
+
+"Martha, who was seven years older than I and just preparing to grow
+into her first long dress, stepped into her place. In this way, purely
+sisterly relations could not grow into existence between us. She was
+the protectress and I was the ward, until after we exchanged our
+_roles_.
+
+"I may have been about fourteen years old, when it struck me for the
+first time that Martha had strangely altered in manner and appearance.
+I ought, indeed, to have noticed it before, for I was accustomed to
+look about me with open eyes, but in the slow monotony of everyday life
+one easily overlooks the destruction that sorrow and time are working
+around us.
+
+"Now I took heed, and saw her face grow thinner and thinner, saw that
+the colour faded more and more from her cheeks, and that her eyes sank
+deeper and deeper into dark hollows. Nor did she any longer sing, and
+her laugh had a peculiar tired, hoarse sound that hurt my ears so, that
+I was sometimes on the point of calling out to her 'Do not laugh!'
+
+"At the same time she began to sicken; she complained of headache and
+spasms, and only with difficulty dragged herself about the house. Then,
+of course, papa and mama were bound to notice her condition too; they
+packed her up in warm wraps, and, in spite of her remonstrance, drove
+with her to Prussia to consult a doctor. He shrugged his shoulders,
+prescribed steel pills and advised a change of air.
+
+"Something else, too, he must have advised, which greatly disturbed my
+parents, at least papa; for mama, since a long time already, was not to
+be roused from her phlegmatic composure. When she dreamily gazed out
+into the distance, he often looked at her askance, shook his head,
+sighed, and slammed the door after him.
+
+"But however much she might be suffering, she would not give up her
+work. As long as I can remember, I have never seen her idle even for a
+moment. As a child already she stood with her lesson-book at the
+cooking-stove, or had an eye on the wash-kitchen, while she wrote her
+German composition. Since she was grown up, she combined the duties of
+my instruction with all the cares which a large household imposes upon
+its manager. Mama had quite retired in virtue of her age, and allowed
+her to do and dispose as she pleased, if only the _compotes_ and other
+dainties won her approval.
+
+"I, who was spoilt beyond measure by everyone in the house, was ashamed
+of my inactivity, and endeavoured to take a part of the responsibility
+off Martha's shoulders; but with gentle remonstrance she dissuaded me.
+
+"'Leave that, child,' she said, stroking my cheeks; 'you happen to be
+the princess of the house, you had better remain so.'
+
+"That hurt me. I could bear anything rather than to be repulsed, when I
+came with my heart full to overflowing of generous resolves.
+
+"One evening I saw her crying. I slunk out into the garden and fought a
+hard battle. I almost choked with my longing to help, but I could not
+so far conquer myself as to go up to her and put my arms consolingly
+about her neck. When I lay in bed, my desire to comfort her came upon
+me with renewed force; I got up, and in my nightdress, just as I was, I
+slipped out into the dark corridor.
+
+"For a long time I stood outside her door, trembling with cold and with
+fear, and with my hand on the door-knob. At last I took heart and crept
+in softly.
+
+"She knelt before her bed with her head pressed into the pillows. She
+seemed to be praying.
+
+"I stopped at the door, for I did not venture to disturb her.
+
+"At last she turned round, and at sight of me started up abruptly.
+
+"'What do you want?' she stammered.
+
+"I clung to her, and sobbed fit to soften the heart of a stone.
+
+"'Child--for Heaven's sake--what is the matter with you?' she cried.
+
+"I was incapable of uttering a word. She, in her motherly way, took a
+large woollen shawl, wrapped me in it, and drew me down upon her knee,
+though I was then already bigger than she.
+
+"'Now confess, my darling, what ails you?' she asked, stroking my face.
+
+"I gathered up all my strength, and hiding my face upon her neck, I
+sobbed, 'Martha--I want--to help--you.'
+
+"A long silence ensued, and when I raised up my face I saw an
+unutterably bitter, sorrowful smile playing about her lips. And then
+she took my head between her hands, kissed my brow and said:
+
+"'Come, I will put you to bed, child; there is nothing the matter with
+me--but you--you seem to be in a perfect fever.'
+
+"I jumped up: 'For shame, that is horrid of you, Martha,' I cried; 'I
+will not be sent away like this. I am not ill, nor am I so stupid that
+I cannot see how you are pining away, and how each day you gulp down
+some new sorrow. If you have no confidence in me, I shall conclude that
+you do not wish to have anything to do with me, and all will be over
+between us.'
+
+"She folded her hands in astonishment, and looked at me.
+
+"'What has possessed you, child?' she said, 'I do not know you thus.'
+
+"I turned away and bit my lips defiantly.
+
+"'Come, come, I will put you to bed,' she urged again.
+
+"'I don't want--I can go alone,' I said. Then she seemed to feel that a
+word of explanation must be vouchsafed to the child.
+
+"'See, Olga,' she said, drawing me down to her, 'you are quite right, I
+have many a sorrow, and if you were older and could understand, you
+would certainly be the first in whom I should confide. But first you
+too must learn to know life----.'
+
+"'What more do you know of life than I?' I cried, still defiantly.
+
+"She only smiled. It cut me to the heart, this half-painful,
+half-ecstatic smile. A dull dawning presentiment awoke within me,
+such as one might experience in face of closed temple gates or distant
+palm-wafted islands. And Martha continued:
+
+"'Till then, however--and that will be long!--I must bear what
+oppresses me alone. Hearty thanks, sister, for your good intention; I
+would love you twice as much for it, if that were possible; and now go,
+have your sleep out, we have much to learn to-morrow.'
+
+"With that she pushed me out of the door.
+
+"Like an exile I stood outside on the landing and stared at the door
+which had closed behind me so cruelly. Then I leant my head against the
+wall and wept silently and bitterly.
+
+"Martha was henceforth doubly kind and affectionate towards me, but I
+would not see it. I grew reserved towards her, as she had been towards
+me, and deeper and deeper the bitter feeling became graven on my soul
+that the world did not require my love. Of course it was not this one
+occurrence alone which acted decisively upon my disposition. Such a
+young creature as I was, is too easily carried away by the tide of new
+impressions to be lastingly influenced by a few such moments; and, as a
+matter of fact, it was not long: before I had forgotten that evening.
+But what I did not forget was the idea that no one dwelt on earth who
+was willing to share his sorrows with me, and that I was thrown back
+upon myself and my books until such day as I should be declared ripe to
+take part in the life of the living.
+
+"Deeper and deeper I dived down into the treasures of the poets, of
+whom none drove me from his holy of holies. I learnt to feel wretched
+and exalted with Tasso; I knew what Manfred sought on icy Alpine
+snowfields; with Thekla I mourned the loss of the earthly happiness I
+had enjoyed, of the life and love that I had out-lived and out-loved.
+But, above all, Iphigenia was my heroine and my ideal.
+
+"Through her my young, lonely soul was filled with all the charm of
+being unintelligible; it seemed to be the mission of my life to go
+forth like her upon earth as a blessed priestess, sublimely void of
+earthly desire; and if to this end I might have donned yon white
+Grecian robes whose noble draperies would so splendidly have suited my
+early-developed figure, my bliss would have been complete.
+
+"Outwardly I was in those years an obstinate, supercilious creature,
+who was lavish with rude answers, and fond of getting up from table in
+the middle of a meal if anything did not suit her taste.
+
+"In spite of all this--or perhaps just for this reason--I was petted by
+all, and my will, in so far as a child's will can be taken into
+account, was considered authoritative by the whole house. At fifteen I
+was as tall and as big as to-day, and already there was found here and
+there some gallant squire's son who would say that I was much, much
+better looking than all the others, especially than Martha. That made
+me indignant, for my vanity was not yet fully developed.
+
+"'About that time, I dreamt one night that Martha had died. When I
+woke, my pillows were wet through with tears. Like a criminal on that
+day I crept round my sister. I felt as if I had some heavy offence
+against her on my conscience.
+
+"After dinner she had gone to lie down for a little on the sofa, for
+she was suffering again from her headache; and when I entered the
+room and saw her waxen-pale face with closed eyes, hanging across the
+sofa-ledge, I started as if struck.
+
+"I felt as if I really saw her already as a corpse before me.
+
+"I dropped down in front of the sofa and covered her lips and brow with
+kisses. Quite radiantly she opened her eyes and stared at me, as if she
+saw a vision; only as consciousness returned did her face grow serious
+and sad, as before.
+
+"'Well, well, my girl, what is the matter with you?' she said. 'This is
+not your usual behaviour!'
+
+"And gently she pushed me away, so that once more I stood alone with my
+overflowing heart; but as I was slinking away she came after me, and
+whispered---
+
+"'I love you very much, my darling sister!'
+
+"On the evening of the same day I noticed that she constantly kept
+smiling to herself. Papa was struck by it too, for as a rule it never
+occurred. He took her head between his two hands, and said--
+
+"'What has come over you, Margell? Why you are blooming like a flower
+to-day.'
+
+"Then she blushed a deep red, while I secretly clasped her hand under
+the table, and thought to myself, 'We know very well what makes us so
+happy.'
+
+"Next morning papa came to the breakfast-table with an open letter in
+his hand.
+
+"'A strange bird is about to fly into our nest,' he said, laughing;
+'now guess what his name is!' And with that he looked quite peculiarly
+across at Martha. She appeared to me to have grown even a shade paler,
+and the coffee-cup which she held in her hand shook audibly.
+
+"'Has the bird been in our nest before?' she asked slowly and softly,
+and did not raise her eyes.
+
+"'I should think so indeed!' laughed papa.
+
+"'Then it is--Robert Hellinger,' she said, and sighed deeply, as if
+after a hard effort.
+
+"'Upon my word, girl, you _are_ one to guess.' said papa, and shook his
+finger at her.
+
+"But she was silent, and walked from the room with slow, dragging
+steps--nor did she appear again that morning. For my part I kept pretty
+cool over our cousin's approaching visit. His image of former days, as
+it dimly hovered in my memory, was not such as to inspire a romantic
+imagination of fifteen years with ardent dreams for its sake.
+
+"But Martha's behaviour had struck me. Next day, in the early morning,
+I heard her walking up and down with long strides in the guest-rooms.
+
+"I followed her, for I was anxious to know what she was busying herself
+about in these usually closed apartments.
+
+"She had opened all the windows, uncovered the beds, let down the
+curtains, and now in her wooden shoes was running amidst all this
+confusion from one room to the other. Her hands she held pressed to her
+face, and kept laughing to herself; but the laugh sounded more like
+crying.
+
+"When I asked her, 'What are you doing here, Martha?' she gave a start,
+looked at me quite confused, and seemed as if she must first think
+where she was.
+
+"'Don't you see--I am covering the beds.' she stammered after a while.
+
+"'For whom, pray?' I asked.
+
+"'Don't you know we are going to have a visitor?' she answered.
+
+"'I suppose you are awfully pleased at the prospect?' I said, and
+slightly shrugged my shoulders.
+
+"'Why should I not be pleased?' she replied, 'It is our cousin.'
+
+"'And nothing more?' I asked, shaking my finger at her as I had seen
+papa do the day before.
+
+"Then she suddenly grew very grave, and looked at me with her big, sad
+eyes so strangely and reproachfully that I felt how all the blood
+rushed to my face. I turned away, and as I could no longer keep up my
+superiority, I slunk out of the door.
+
+"From this moment Cousin Robert caused me many a thought. It seemed
+clear to me that the two loved each other, and seized by the mysterious
+awe with which the idea of the great Unknown fills half-grown children
+of my age, I began to picture to myself how such a love might have
+taken shape. I ran through the wild-growing shrubs of the park, and
+said to myself, 'Here they enjoyed their secret walks.' I slipped
+inside the dusky arbours, and said to myself, 'Here in the moonlight
+was their trysting-place.' I sank down upon the mossy turf-bank, and
+said to myself, 'Here they held sweet converse together.' The whole
+garden, the house, the yard, everything that I had known since the
+beginning of my life suddenly appeared resplendent in a new light. A
+purple sheen was spread over all. Wondrous life seemed to have awakened
+therein. I had so completely absorbed myself in these phantasies, that
+finally I believed that I myself had lived through this love. When I
+saw Martha again I did not dare to raise my eyes to her, as if I
+cherished the secret in my bosom and she were the one who must not
+guess it.
+
+"But next morning when I reflected that Martha had positively
+experienced everything that I after all had only dreamt about, I felt
+quite awed by the thought, and from out of a dark corner I contemplated
+her fixedly with shy, inquiring looks, as if she were a being from some
+strange world.
+
+"I was well aware that every five minutes she found something to busy
+herself about on the verandah, from whence one could look across
+towards the courtyard-gate; but to-day I took good care not to put any
+pert questions to her. Now I felt like a confidante--like an
+accomplice. It was a beautiful clear September day. Over woodland and
+meadow was spread a rosy veil, silver threads floated softly through
+the air, the river carried a cover of vapour, and far and wide it was
+as silent as in a church. I went into the wood, for I could never have
+excess of solitude to satiate myself with dreams. In the birch-trees
+faded leaves already rustled; the bracken drooped like a wounded human
+being that can barely keep upright.
+
+"I grew very sad. 'Now there will be a great dying,' I said: 'ah, that
+one might die too!'
+
+"And then I remembered what I had heard and read in derision of
+sentimental autumn thoughts. 'For shame, how wicked!' I thought. 'They
+shall not deride me, for I shall know how to conceal myself and my
+feelings. It is no one's business what I do feel. And for all I care
+they may think me cold and heartless, if only I have the consciousness
+that my heart beats warmly and full of love for mankind.'
+
+"Yes, that was a delightful, foolish day, and blissfully would I
+sacrifice what yet remains to me of life, if it might once more be
+granted to me. In the evening--I can see it all as if it were to-day
+the windows stood open, the tendrils of the wild vine swayed in the
+breeze, and from the distance a stamping of hoofs, a clashing of lances
+and swords greeted my ears. I could see nothing, for the darkness
+devoured it all, but I knew that it was a band of Cossacks patrolling
+along the frontier ditch. And then I closed my eyes and dreamt that a
+troop of knights were coming riding along at full speed--led by a fair,
+handsome prince, mounted on a milk-white charger. But I was the
+chatelaine sitting in the turret-room of the old castle, and the fame
+of my beauty had penetrated to every land, so that the prince had set
+forth surrounded by a company of picked horsemen, to seek me out and
+ask my hand in marriage of the old nobleman my father.
+
+"And then I remembered Martha; and whether, as the elder, she would not
+be preferred. But she loves her Robert, I comforted myself, she wants
+no prince. And then I pictured to myself what I would give to each
+member of my family when I had mounted the throne: to Martha wonderful
+jewellery, to papa an iron chest full of gold, and to mama a box of
+pine-apple sweets.
+
+"The clashing of lances died away in the distance--and my dream was at
+an end.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Next day he came.
+
+"When the carriage that brought him rolled in at the courtyard gate,
+Martha was busy in the kitchen. I ran to her, and beaming with pleasure
+I whispered into her ear, 'Martha, I believe he is here.' But she
+forthwith apprised me that I was not her confidante. She looked at me
+vaguely for a time, then asked absently, 'Whom do you mean?'
+
+"'Whom else but our cousin?'
+
+"'Why do you tell me that in a whisper?' she asked. And when, in
+answer, I shrugged my shoulders, she once more took up the kitchen
+spoon she had put down, and went on stirring.
+
+"'Is that the extent of your pleasure, Martha?' I asked, while I
+contemptuously pursed my lips.
+
+"But she pushed me aside with her left hand and said, more passionately
+than was her wont, 'Child, I beg of you, go!'
+
+"And thus it came about that I received Cousin Robert in her stead.
+
+"As I stepped out on to the verandah, he was just alighting from his
+carriage.
+
+"'He does not look much better than papa,' that was my first thought. A
+great strong man like a giant, with broad chest and shoulders, his face
+sun-burnt, with little blue eyes in it, and framed by a shaggy beard,
+such a beard as the 'lancequenets' used to wear.
+
+"'Only the chin-strap is wanting,' I thought to myself.
+
+"He came jumping up the steps laughing towards me.
+
+"'Well, good morning, Martha!' he cried.
+
+"And then suddenly he stopped short, measured me from head to foot and
+stood there, half-way up the stairs, as if petrified.
+
+"'My name is not Martha, but Olga!' I remarked, somewhat dejectedly.
+
+"'Ah, that accounts for it!' he cried, shaking with laughter, stepped
+up to me and offered me a red, horny hand, quite covered with cracks
+and weals.
+
+"'What an uncouth fellow!' I thought in my own mind. And when we had
+entered the room he looked me up and down again and said, 'You were
+quite a little thing yet, Olga, when I went away from here; now it
+seems like a wonder to me that you should be so like Martha!'
+
+"'I like Martha,' thought I, 'when was I ever in the least like
+Martha?'
+
+"'But no,' he continued, 'she was not so tall, and her hair was fairer,
+and she did not stand there so haughtily--and--and--did not make such
+serious eyes.'
+
+"'Ah, good Heavens,' thought I, 'you first look into Martha's eyes!'
+
+"At this moment the kitchen door opened quite, quite slowly, and
+through a narrow aperture she squeezed herself in. She had not taken
+off her white apron. Her face was as white as this apron, and her lips
+trembled.
+
+"'Welcome, Robert!' she said softly behind his back, for he had turned
+towards me.
+
+"At the first sound of her voice he veered round like lightning, and
+then for about a minute they stood facing each other without moving,
+without uttering a word.
+
+"I trembled. For two days I had lain in wait for this moment, and now
+it fell so wretchedly short of my expectations. Then they slowly
+approached each other, and kissed. This kiss too did not satisfy me. He
+could not have kissed _me_ differently; 'only that he did not attempt
+that at all,' I added mentally. And then they both were silent again.
+My heart beat so wildly that I had to press both hands to my bosom.
+
+"At last Martha said, 'Won't you take a seat, Robert?'
+
+"He nodded and threw himself into the sofa-corner so that all its
+joints creaked. He looked at her again and again, then after a long
+time he remarked, 'You are very much changed, Martha!'
+
+"I felt as if he had given me a slap in the face.
+
+"An unutterably sad smile played about Martha's lips.
+
+"'Yes, I suppose I am changed,' she then said.
+
+"Renewed silence. It seemed as if a long time were necessary for him to
+put a thought into words.
+
+"'Why did I never hear that you were ailing?' he began again at length.
+
+"'That I do not know.' she replied, with bitter affability.
+
+"'Could you not write to me about it?'
+
+"'Are we in the habit of writing to each other?' she asked in return.
+
+"He gave the table an angry shove.
+
+"'But if one is not well--then--then--'; he did not know how to
+proceed.
+
+"I pressed my fists together. I should so have liked to finish his
+sentence for him.
+
+"'Never mind.' said Martha, 'one often knows least one's self when one
+is not well.'
+
+"'I should think one ought to know that best one's self,' he replied.
+
+"'What if one does not think it worth while to take any notice of it?'
+This time she spoke without bitterness, modestly and quietly as she
+always spoke, and yet every word cut me to the quick.
+
+"('Oh, Martha, why did you repulse me?' a voice within me cried.)
+
+"And thereupon she broke into a short laugh, and asked how things were
+at home, and whether uncle and aunt were well.
+
+"'First I should like to know how my uncle and my aunt are,' he said,
+and looked into the four corners of the room.
+
+"I was so glad to see the strained mood giving way, that I burst into a
+loud laugh at his comical search.
+
+"Both looked at me in astonishment as if they only just remembered my
+presence.
+
+"'And what do you say to our child?' asked Martha, taking my hand in
+motherly fashion, 'does she please you?'
+
+"'Better now already,' he said, scrutinising me, 'before, she was too
+stiff for me.'
+
+"'I could hardly put my arms round your neck at once?' I replied.
+
+"'Why not?' he asked, smiling complacently, 'do you think there is no
+room for you there?'
+
+"'No,' said I, to let him know at once how to take me, 'that room is
+not the place for me.'
+
+"He looked at me quite taken aback, and then remarked, nodding his
+head--
+
+"'By Jingo, the little woman is pretty sharp.'
+
+"I was going to reply something, but at that moment papa entered the
+room.
+
+"At table I constantly kept my eye on the two, without however being
+able to notice anything suspicious.
+
+"Their eyes hardly met.
+
+"'Afterwards when the old people are taking their nap,' I thought to
+myself, 'they are sure to try and make their escape.' But I was
+mistaken. They quietly remained in the sitting-room, and did not even
+seem anxious to get me out of the way. He sat in the sofa-corner
+smoking, she, five paces away at the window, with some needlework.
+
+"'Perhaps they are too shy,' I thought, 'and are waiting till an
+opportunity presents itself.' I marked a few signs and slipped out.
+Then for half an hour I crouched in my room with a beating heart and
+counted the minutes till I might go back again.
+
+"'Now he will go up to her,' I said to myself, 'will take her hands and
+look long into her eyes. "Do you still love me?" he will ask; and she,
+blushing rosy red, will sink with tear-dimmed gaze upon his breast.'
+
+"I closed my eyes and sighed. My temples were throbbing; I felt more
+and more how my fancies intoxicated me, and then I went on picturing to
+myself how he would drop on his knees before her and, with ardent
+looks, stammer forth glowing declarations of love and faithfulness.
+
+"I knew by heart everything that he was saying to her at this moment,
+no less than what she was answering. I could have acted as prompter to
+them both. When the half-hour was over, I held counsel with myself
+whether I should grant them a few moments longer. I was at present
+their fate and as such I smilingly showered my favours upon them.
+
+"'Let them drain their cup of bliss to the last drop!' said I, and
+resolved to take a walk through the garden yet. But curiosity
+overpowered me so that I turned back half-way.
+
+"Softly I crept up to the door, but hardly did I find courage to turn
+the handle. The thought of what I was about to see almost took my
+breath away.
+
+"And what did I see now, after all?
+
+"There he still sat in his sofa-corner as before, and had smoked his
+cigar down to a tiny stump; but in her embroidery there was a flower
+which had not been there before.
+
+"'Why do you shrug your shoulders so contemptuously?' asked Martha, and
+Robert added, 'It seems I do not meet with her ladyship's gracious
+approval.'
+
+"'So,' thought I, 'for all my kindness I get sneers into the bargain,'
+and went out slamming the door after me. That same night, I, foolish
+young creature that I was, lay awake till nearly morning, and pictured
+to myself how I, Olga Bremer, would have behaved had I been in the
+place of those two. First I was Robert, then Martha; I felt, I spoke, I
+acted for them, and through the silence of my bedroom there sounded the
+passionate whisperings of ardent, world-despising love.
+
+"As things were much too straightforward to please me, I invented a
+number of additional obstacles--our parents' refusal, nocturnal
+meetings at the frontier trench, surprise by the Cossacks,
+imprisonment, paternal, maledictions, flight, and finally death
+together in the waves; for only hereby, so it seemed to me, could true
+love be worthily sealed and confirmed.
+
+"When I got up in the morning my head whirled, and yellow and green
+lights danced before my eyes.
+
+"Martha clasped her hands in horror at my appearance, and Robert, who
+was sitting again for a change in a sofa-corner, and once again sending
+forth clouds of smoke all around, remarked--
+
+"'Have you been crying or dancing all night?'
+
+"'Dancing,' I replied, 'on the Brocken, with other witches.'
+
+"'One positively cannot get a sensible word out of the girl,' he said,
+shaking his head.
+
+"'As you cry into the wood,' replied I.
+
+"'Oh! I am as still as a mouse already,' he remarked, laughing, 'else I
+shall get such a dish of aspersion to begin the day with, as I have
+never swallowed in all my life.'
+
+"Martha looked at me reproachfully, and I ran out into the park where
+it was darkest and hid my burning face in the cool mass of leaves.
+
+"I was near crying.
+
+"'So this is my fate,' I moaned, 'to be misunderstood by the whole
+world, to stand there alone and despised though my heart is full of
+passionate love, to wither unheeded in some corner, while every other
+being finds its companion and stills its longings in an ardent
+embrace.'
+
+"Yes, I had so vividly pictured to myself Martha's love that I had
+finally come to think myself the heroine of it.
+
+"Thus, of course, disenchantment could not fail to come.
+
+"And if only the two had made some further effort to keep pace with the
+flights of my imagination! But the longer Robert remained in our house,
+the more I watched Martha's intercourse with him, the more did I become
+convinced that all interest was unnecessarily wasted upon them.
+
+"She--the type of a timid, insipid, housewife, subject to any fatality
+of every-day life.
+
+"He--a clumsy, dull, work-a-day fellow, incapable of any degree of
+emotion.
+
+"In this strain I philosophised as long as the bitter feeling that I
+was unnoticed and superfluous wholly filled my soul. Then there came an
+event which not only disposed me to be more lenient, but also gave a
+new direction to my ideas about this stranger cousin.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It was on the fourth day of his visit when he unexpectedly stepped up
+to me and said:
+
+"'Little one, I have a request to make to you. Will you come out for a
+ride with me?'
+
+"'What an honour,' replied I.
+
+"'No, you must not begin again like that,' said he, laughing, though
+annoyed. 'We will try for once to be good comrades just for half an
+hour. Agreed?'
+
+"His cordiality pleased me. I gave him my hand upon it.
+
+"As we rode out of the courtyard gate Martha stood at the kitchen
+window and waved to us with her white apron.
+
+"'See here, Martha,' I thought in my mind, 'this is how I would ride
+out into the wide world with him if I were his paramour.'
+
+"For my ideas as to what a 'paramour' is were as yet very vague, and I
+did not hesitate to ascribe this dignity to Martha.
+
+"'He rides well.' I went on thinking; 'my prince could not do better.'
+
+"And then I caught myself throwing myself back proudly and joyously in
+my saddle, swayed by an undefined sense of well-being that made all my
+nerves tingle.
+
+"He said nothing, only now and again turned towards me and nodded at me
+smilingly, as if he thought well to secure our compact anew every five
+minutes. It was needless trouble, for nothing was further from my
+thoughts than to break it.
+
+"When we had ridden for half an hour at a sharp trot he pulled up his
+chestnut and said:
+
+"'Well, little one?'
+
+"'What is your pleasure, big one?'
+
+"'Shall we turn back?'
+
+"'Oh, no.'
+
+"I was absolutely not willed to give up so quickly what filled me with
+such intense satisfaction.
+
+"'Well, then, to the Illowo woods,' said he, pointing to the bluish
+wall which bordered the distant horizon.
+
+"I nodded and gave my horse the whip, so that it reared up high and
+plunged along in wild bounds.
+
+"'Very creditable for a young lady of fifteen.' I heard his voice
+behind me.
+
+"'Sixteen, if you please!' cried I, half turning round towards him. 'By
+the bye, if you again reproach me with my youth, there's an end to our
+good fellowship.'
+
+"'Heaven forbid!' he laughed, and then we rode on in silence.
+
+"The wood of Illowo is intersected by a small rivulet, whose steep
+banks are so close together that the alder branches from either side
+intertwine and form a high-vaulted, green dome over the surface of the
+water, terminating at each bend in a dense wall of foliage, behind
+which it builds itself up anew. Down there, close to the water's edge,
+I had known, since my childhood, many a secluded nook, where I had
+often sat for hours, reading or dreaming to myself, while my horse
+peacefully grazed up in the wood.
+
+"As we now rode slowly along between the trees, a desire seized me to
+show him one of my sanctuaries.
+
+"'I want to dismount,' I called out to him; 'help me out of my saddle.'
+
+"He jumped off his horse and did as I had bid.
+
+"'What do you intend to do?' he then asked.
+
+"'You will see shortly.' said I. 'First of all, let the horses go.'
+
+"'I should think so, indeed,' he laughed. 'You seem to be one of those
+who catch their hares by putting salt on their tails.'
+
+"And he set about tying the bridles to a tree.
+
+"'Let loose,' I commanded; and as he did not obey, I gave the horses a
+lash of the whip, so that before he thought of catching hold of the
+reins tighter, they were already galloping about at liberty in the
+wood.
+
+"'What now?' said he, and put his hands in his pockets. 'Do you think
+they will let themselves be caught?'
+
+"'Not by you!' laughed I, for I was sure of my favourites.
+
+"And when at a low whistle from my lips they both came racing along
+from the distance and snuffled about affectionately at my neck with
+their nostrils, my heart swelled with pride that there were creatures
+on earth, though only dumb animals, who bowed to my might and were
+subject to me through love; and triumphantly I looked up at him as if
+now he must know me as I really was, and what I required of the world.
+
+"But I could see that even now I had not impressed him. 'Well done,
+little one!' he said, nothing more, patted me on the shoulder in
+fatherly manner, and then threw himself down carelessly upon the grass.
+The sun's rays, which broke through the foliage, glittered in his
+beard. Like a hero in repose he appeared to me, like those described in
+northern saga.
+
+"But just as I was about to grow absorbed in my romancing, he began to
+yawn most fearfully, so that I was very quickly and rudely transferred
+to prose.
+
+"'But we are not going to stay here. Sir Cousin.'
+
+"'Don't be foolish, little one,' said he, closing his eyes; 'do like
+me, let us sleep.'
+
+"Then a frolicsome mood possessed me, and I stepped up to him and shook
+him soundly by the collar.
+
+"He snatched at my dress, but I evaded him, so that he jumped to his
+feet and attempted to lay hold of me. Then I walked quietly to meet him
+and said, 'That's right, now come along.' And then I led him right
+through a dense thicket of thorns, down the steep slope, at the foot of
+which the deep water lay like a dark mirror. Down there broadleaved
+convolvuli and creepers had formed a natural bower above a projecting
+block of stone, in which even at high noon one could sit almost in the
+dark.
+
+"Thither I led him.
+
+"'Upon my word, it is delightful here, little one,' he said, and
+comfortably stretched himself upon the stone, so that his feet hung
+down to the water. 'Come, sit down at my side; ... there is room for us
+both.'
+
+"I did as he wished, but seated myself so that I could look down upon
+him.
+
+"He pretended to be sleeping, and now and again blinked up at me
+through half-closed lids.
+
+"Then the thought suddenly came to me, 'Now, if you were Martha, what
+should you do?' and I was so startled by it that my blood gushed up
+hotly into my face.
+
+"'Are you easily frightened, little one?' he asked.
+
+"I shook my head.
+
+"'Then come here!'
+
+"'I am here at your side.'
+
+"'Place yourself in front of me.'
+
+"I did so. My feet almost touched the flat edge of the stone.
+
+"Suddenly he raised himself, clasped me as quick as lightning about the
+waist, and at the same moment I felt myself suspended in mid-air above
+the water. I looked at him and laughed.
+
+"'Let me tell you.' said he, 'that it is not by any means a laughing
+matter. If I let you drop----'
+
+"'I shall be drowned--so let me drop.'
+
+"'No, first you must make a confession to me.'
+
+"'What confession?'
+
+"'Why you do not like me.'
+
+"I drew a deep breath. At the same time I felt that the soles of my
+feet were already being wetted by the surface of the water. He must not
+let me sink any lower. A delicious feeling of powerlessness came over
+me.
+
+"'I do like you.' I said.
+
+"'Then why do you give me such disagreeable answers?
+
+"'Because I am a disagreeable creature.'
+
+"'That is certainly plausible,' laughed he, and with rapid swing lifted
+me up like a feather so that I came to stand once more upon the stone.
+'There, now sit down, we will talk sensibly.' Then he took my hand and
+continued: 'See, I am a simple fellow, have worked hard and given
+little thought to sharpening my wit. You with your quick little brain
+always kill me at the very first thrust, so that I have grown
+positively afraid of talking to you. I know you mean no harm, for it is
+not in our blood to be ill-natured; but all the same, it is not the
+proper thing. I am nearly twelve years older than you, and you almost a
+child yet. Am I right?'
+
+"'You are right.' said I, dejectedly, wondering privately where my
+defiance had departed to.
+
+"'Then why did you do it?'
+
+"'Because I wanted to gain your approval.' said I, and drew a deep
+breath.
+
+"He looked into my eyes amazed.
+
+"'Because I wanted to show you that I was not a silly thing, that my
+head was in its right place, that I----,' I stopped short and grew
+ashamed of myself.
+
+"He chewed his beard and looked meditatively before him.
+
+"'Indeed, now,' he said, 'I was in a fair way to get quite a wrong idea
+of your character. What a good thing that I followed Martha's advice!'
+
+"'Martha's?' I exclaimed. 'What did she advise you?'
+
+"'Take her aside alone some time,' she said, 'and have it out with her.
+Whomever she does not love she hates, and it would pain me if she did
+not grow to love you.'
+
+"'Did she say that?' asked I, and tears came into my eyes. 'Oh, you
+good sister, you noble soul!'
+
+"'Yes, she said that and much more besides, in order to explain and
+vindicate your disposition. And as I love Martha----'
+
+"'Do you?' I interrupted him, eager to learn more.
+
+"'Yes, very dearly,' he replied reflectively, and looked down into the
+water beneath him.
+
+"My heart beat so violently that I could hardly draw my breath. So he,
+he took me into his confidence, he made a confederate of me. I could
+have embraced him there and then, so grateful did I feel towards him.
+
+"'And does she know it?' I inquired.
+
+"'I daresay she knows it,' he remarked; 'a thing of that sort cannot be
+concealed----'
+
+"What--then--you have not--told her?' I stammered.
+
+"He shook his head sadly.
+
+"I was awakened from all my illusions. So the arbours of our garden had
+never afforded shelter to two lovers, the moon as it shone through the
+branches had never been the witness of clandestine kisses? And all my
+romancing had proved itself nothing but idle imagination? But in the
+midst of my disillusion a deep compassion seized me for this giant,
+crouching beside me as helpless as a child. Surely, I vowed to myself,
+he shall not in vain have put his trust in me!
+
+"'Why did you remain silent?' I inquired further.
+
+"He looked somewhat suspiciously at my immature youth, and then began,
+heaving a deep breath:--
+
+"'You see, at that time I was a silly young fellow, and could not pluck
+up courage to speak; in the years of one's youth one is already so
+supremely happy if one can only now and again secure a secret pressure
+of the hand, that one thinks marriage can have no further bliss to
+offer. But----you really cannot understand all these things.'
+
+"'Who knows?' replied I, in my innocence; 'I have read a great deal on
+the subject already.'
+
+"'The short and the long of it is.' he continued, 'that I was then
+nearly as foolish as you are at present. And now, you see, if I speak
+to her now, every word binds me with iron fetters to all eternity.'
+
+"'And don't you wish to bind yourself?' I asked in astonishment.
+
+"'I _may_ not,' he cried; 'I dare not, for I do not know if I can make
+her happy.'
+
+"'Well, of course, if you do not know that,' said I, drawing up my lips
+contemptuously, and in my heart I inferred further: 'Then he cannot
+love her either.'
+
+"But he started up with sparkling eyes: 'Understand me aright, little
+one.' he cried; 'if it only depended on me, I would ask nothing better
+all my life, than to carry her in my arms, lest her foot might dash
+against a stone. But--oh, this misery--this misery!' And he tore his
+hair, so that I grew quite frightened of him. Never should I have
+thought it possible for this quiet, reflective man to behave so
+passionately.
+
+"'Confide in me, Robert,' said I, placing my hand on his shoulder; 'I
+am only a foolish girl, but it will unburden your heart.'
+
+"'I cannot,' he groaned, 'I cannot!'
+
+"'Why not?'
+
+"'Because it would be humiliating--for you too. Only this much I will
+tell you: Martha is a delicate, tender, sensitive creature; she would
+never be able to hold her own against the flood of cares and misfortune
+which must pour down upon her there. She would be broken like a weak
+blade of corn at the first onset of the storm. And what good would it
+be, if a few years after our wedding I had to carry her to her grave?'
+
+"A cold shudder runs through me, when I think how that word of presage
+came to be so terribly realised; but at that moment there was nothing
+to warn me. I only felt the ardent desire to give as romantic a turn as
+possible to this, to my mind, much too prosaic love affair.
+Unfortunately there was not much to be done at present. So at least I
+assumed a knowing air, and sought in my memory for some of the phrases
+with which worthy sibyls and father confessors are wont to feed the
+soul of unhappy lovers.
+
+"And he, this big child, drank in the foolish words of comfort like one
+dying of thirst.
+
+"'But will she have patience?' he asked, and showed signs of becoming
+disheartened again.
+
+"'She will! Depend upon it,' I cried, eagerly; 'as she has waited so
+long, she will wait for another year or two. You will see how gladly
+she will submit.'
+
+"'And what if even later nothing should come of it?' he objected, 'if I
+should have disappointed her hopes, have played the fool with her
+heart? No, I will not speak; they may drag my tongue out of my mouth,
+but I will not speak!'
+
+"'If you did not intend to speak, why then did you come?' asked I.
+Heaven knows how this two-edged idea got into my foolish young girl's
+head. I felt darkly that I was committing a cruelty when I put it into
+words, but now it was too late. I saw how his face grew pale, I felt
+how his breath swelled up hot and heavy and poured itself forth upon me
+in a sigh.
+
+"'I am an honest man, Olga,' he muttered between his teeth; 'you must
+not torture me. But as you have asked, you shall have an answer. I came
+because I could bear life without her no longer, because by a sight of
+her I wanted to gather up strength and comfort for sad days to come,
+and because--because in my heart of hearts I still cherished the faint
+hope that things might be different here, that it might be possible for
+her to come with me.'
+
+"'And is it not possible?'
+
+"'No! Do not ask why; let it suffice you that I say no.'
+
+"Then suddenly he bent down towards me, took hold of both my hands, and
+said, from the very depths of his soul: 'See, Olga, more has come of
+our good fellowship than we both could suspect an hour ago. Will you
+now stand by me faithfully, and help me as much as lies in your power?'
+
+"'I will,' said I, and felt very solemn the while.
+
+"'I know you are no longer a child,' he went on; 'you are a sensible
+and brave girl and do not swerve from anything you undertake. Will you
+keep watch over her, so that she does not lose heart, even if I now go
+away again in silence. Will you?'
+
+"'I will!' I repeated.
+
+"'And will you sometimes write to me, to tell me how she is? Whether
+she is well, and of good courage? Will you?'
+
+"'I will!' I said, for the third time.
+
+"'Then come, give me a kiss, and let us be good friends, now and
+always.' And he kissed me on my mouth....
+
+"Five minutes later we were on our horses and riding hurriedly towards
+the home farm; for it already was beginning to grow dark.
+
+"'You stayed away a long time,' said Martha, who was standing in her
+white apron on the verandah, and smiled at us from afar. When I saw
+her, I felt as if I could never find enough tenderness to pour out upon
+my sister. I hastened towards her and kissed her passionately, but at
+the same moment I regretted it, for it appeared to me as if I were
+thereby wiping his kiss from my lips.
+
+"Embarrassed, I desisted, and slunk away. At supper I constantly hung
+upon his eyes, for I thought he must make known our secret
+understanding by some sign. But he did not think of any such thing.
+Only when we shook hands after the meal he pressed mine in quite a
+peculiar way, as he had never done before. I was as pleased as if I had
+received some valuable present.
+
+"On that evening I could hardly await the time when I might go to bed
+and put out the light; then I was often wont to stare for an hour at a
+time into the darkness, dreaming to myself. It was in my power to keep
+awake as long as I wished, and to go to sleep as soon as I thought it
+time. I had only to bury my head in the pillows and I was off. To-day I
+stretched myself in my bed with a sense of well-being such as I had
+never before in my life experienced. I felt as if every wish of my life
+had been fulfilled. My cheeks burnt, and on my lips there still
+distinctly remained the slight tingling sensation of that kiss--the
+first kiss with which a man,--papa of course did not count--had kissed
+me.
+
+"And if, strictly speaking, it had been meant for some one else, what
+did that matter to me? I was still so young I could not yet lay claim
+to anything of the kind for my own self.
+
+"Thereupon I once more fell into my favourite reverie as to what I
+should do if I were in Martha's place. Thus I had no need to destroy
+the fancies which to-day had been proved only idle chimera, but could
+go on spinning them out to my heart's content, and I did spin them out,
+waking and sleeping, till early morning.
+
+"Two days later he drove off. A few hours before he took his leave, he
+had a long conference with Martha in the garden. Without any feeling of
+jealousy I saw them disappear together, and it afforded me unspeakable
+pleasure to keep watch at the gate so that no one should surprise them.
+
+"When they appeared again they were both silent, and looked sad and
+serious.
+
+"No, he had not declared himself; that I saw at the first glance, but
+he had spoken of the future, and probably interspersed many a little
+word of modest hope.
+
+"Before he stepped into the carriage, it so happened that he was for a
+few moments alone with me. Then he took my hand and whispered:
+
+"'You will not betray one single word, will you? I can depend upon it?'
+
+"I nodded eagerly.
+
+"'And you will write to me soon?'
+
+"'Certainly.'
+
+"'Where shall I send the answer?'
+
+"I started. I had not in the remotest degree thought of that. But as
+the moment pressed, I mentioned at haphazard the name of an old
+inspector who had always been specially attached to me.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Time passed. One day followed another in the old way, and yet now how
+differently, how peculiarly the world had shaped itself for me.
+
+"I no longer had any need to study love from books, and search for it
+afar off; it had stepped bodily into my existence, its sweet mysteries
+played around me, and I--oh, joy!---I was joining in the game. I was
+entangled head over ears in the intrigue that was to lay the basis of
+my sister's happiness.
+
+"It was like a miracle to see how after each of Robert's visits she
+revived and gained fresh strength and colour and health. Like an
+invigorating bath those few days of their intercourse had acted upon
+her, and more even than they, probably, that miraculous fountain of
+hope from which she had drunk a long and furtive draught.
+
+"Certainly the sunny cheerfulness of other days did not return to her
+again, that seemed irretrievably lost in those seven years of weary
+waiting; no song, no laughter ever issued from her lips, but over her
+features there lay spread a soft warm glow, as if a light from within
+her soul irradiated them. Nor did she any longer drag herself about the
+house with lagging, weary steps, and whoever approached her was sure of
+a friendly smile.
+
+"And as her happiness must needs find vent in love, she also attached
+herself more closely to me, and tried to gain an insight into my hidden
+and lonely thoughts. I loved her the more dearly for it, I all the more
+often invoked God's blessing upon her, but I did not give her my
+confidence.
+
+"Before she, of her own accord, opened out her whole heart to me, I
+could not and would not confess how far I had already gazed into its
+depths.
+
+"Sometimes I caught myself looking across at her with a motherly
+feeling--if I may call it so for since I carried on an active
+correspondence with Robert, I imagined that it was I who held her
+happiness in my hands.
+
+"My vanity made of me a good genius, clad in white raiment, whose hand
+bore a palm-branch, and whose smile dispensed blessings. And meanwhile
+I counted the days till a letter from Robert came, and ran about with
+glowing cheeks when at length I carried it near my heart.
+
+"These letters had become such a necessity to me that I could hardy
+imagine how I should ever be able to exist without them. Under pretext
+of telling him all about Martha, I most cunningly understood how to
+prattle away the cares that filled his heart--childishly and foolishly
+(as men like to hear it from us, so that they may feel themselves our
+superiors), and again at other times seriously and knowingly beyond
+my years--just as I felt in the mood. He willingly submitted to my
+chatter in all its different keys, as one submits to the piping of a
+singing-bird, and more I did not ask. For I was already so grateful
+that he allowed me--a silly young girl who had still to leave the room
+when grown-up people had serious questions to discuss--to participate
+in his great, grave love. All my dignity and self-consciousness were
+based upon this _role_ of guardian. And thus I grew up with and by this
+love, of which never a crumb might fall for me beneath the table.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When the following autumn approached, I noticed that Martha manifested
+a peculiar restlessness. She ran about her room with excited steps,
+remained for half the nights at the open window, gesticulated and spoke
+loudly when she thought herself alone, and was violently startled
+whenever she found herself caught in the act.
+
+"I faithfully informed Robert of what I saw, and added the question
+whether he had perhaps held out any hope of his coming at this
+particular time; for Martha's whole condition seemed to me to be
+produced through painfully overwrought expectation.
+
+"I had every reason to be satisfied with the shrewdness of my seventeen
+years, for my observations proved correct.
+
+"Deeply contrite, he wrote to me that he had indeed at parting
+expressed a hope of being able to return with a cheerful face in the
+following autumn, but that he had deceived himself, that he was more
+encumbered by cares and debts than ever before, that he was working
+like a common labourer, and did not see a ray of hope anywhere.
+
+"'Then at least release her from the torture of waiting,' I wrote back
+to him, 'and cautiously inform our parents how you are placed.'
+
+"He did so; two days later already, papa, in a bad humour, brought the
+letter along, which I--on account of my childish want of judgment--was
+not allowed to read.
+
+"On Martha it operated in a way which terrified and deeply moved me.
+The excitement of the last weeks there and then disappeared. In its
+place there showed itself again that despairing listlessness which once
+before, in the days preceding Robert's coming, had worn her to a
+shadow; once more she fell away; once more deep blue rings appeared
+round her eyes; once more an odour of valerian proceeded from her mouth
+while she often writhed in pain. Added to this was the constant desire
+to weep, which at the smallest provocation, found vent in a torrent of
+tears.
+
+"This time papa did not send for a doctor. He could make the diagnosis
+himself. Even mama suffered with the poor girl, as far as her
+phlegmatic nature permitted, and it did not permit her to stir from her
+chimney-corner to tender help to her sickening daughter. As for me, I
+now for the first time found an opportunity of proving to my family
+that I was no longer a child, and that even in serious matters, my will
+claimed consideration. I took the burden of housekeeping upon my
+shoulders, and though they all smiled and remonstrated, and though
+Martha declared time after time that she would never suffer me, the
+younger one, to usurp her place, I had still in a fortnight, so far
+gained my point that the entire household danced to my pipe.
+
+"That was the only time when Martha and I ever came to hard words; but
+gradually she necessarily perceived that what I did was only done for
+her sake, and finally she was the first to feel grateful to me. In
+several other things too, she learnt to submit to me; but she sought to
+deceive herself as to my influence by remarking that one must give way
+to children.
+
+"Through my intercourse with Robert, I now learnt for the first that
+one may tell lies for love's sake. I concealed from him the sad effects
+of his letter, yes, I even unblushingly wrote to him that everything
+was as well as could be. I acted thus, because I reflected that the
+truth would plunge him into a thousand new cares and anxieties, which
+must absolutely crush him, as he was powerless to help. But it was very
+hard for me to keep up my light chatty tone, and often some joke seemed
+to freeze in my pen.
+
+"And things grew more and more troubled. Papa was despondent because
+failure of crops had destroyed his best prospects, mama grumbled
+because no one came to amuse her, and Martha faded away more and more.
+
+"Christmas drew near--such a gloomy one as our happy home had never
+before witnessed.
+
+"Round the burning Christmas tree which I had this time trimmed and
+lighted in Martha's stead, we stood and did not know what to say to
+each other for very heaviness of heart. And because no one else did so,
+I had to assume a forced smile and attempt to scare the wrinkles from
+their brows. But I got very little response indeed, and finally we
+shook hands and said 'good-night,' so that each might retire to his
+room, for we felt that anyhow we could not get on together.
+
+"When I came to Martha, who sat silently in a corner, gazing vacantly
+at the dying candles, a painful feeling darted through my breast, as if
+I were committing some wrong towards her, which I ought to redress. But
+I did not know what this wrong could be.
+
+"She kissed me on my forehead and said: 'May God ever let you keep your
+brave heart, my child; I thank you for every joke to which you forced
+yourself to-day.' I, however, knew not what to reply, for that
+consciousness of guilt, which I could not grasp, was gnawing at my
+soul. When I was alone in my room, I thought to myself, 'There, now you
+will celebrate Christmas.' I took Robert's letters out of the drawer
+where I kept them carefully hidden, and determined to read at them far
+into the night.
+
+"The storm rattled my shutters, snow-flakes drifted with a soft rustle
+against the window-panes, and above, there peacefully gleamed the
+green-shaded hanging lamp.
+
+"Then, as I comfortably spread out the little heap of letters in front
+of me, I heard next door, in Martha's room, a dull thud and thereupon
+an indistinct noise that sounded to me like praying and sobbing.
+
+"'That is how _she_ celebrates Christmas,' I said, involuntarily
+folding my hands, and again I felt that pang at my heart, as if I were
+acting deceitfully and heartlessly towards my sister.
+
+"And I brooded over it again till it became clear to me that the
+letters were to blame.
+
+"'Do I not write and keep silence all for her good?' I asked myself;
+but my conscience would not be bribed; it answered: 'No.' Like flames
+of fire my blood shot up into my face, for I recognised with what
+pleasure my own heart hung upon those letters. 'What would she not give
+for one of these papers?' I went on thinking, 'She who perhaps no
+longer believes in his love, who is wrestling with the fear that he
+only did not come because he meant to tear asunder the ties that bind
+him to her heart.' 'And you hear her sobbing?' the voice within me
+continued, 'you leave her in her anguish, and meanwhile comfort
+yourself with the knowledge that you share a secret with him, with him
+who belongs to her alone?'
+
+"I clasped my hands before my face; shame so powerfully possessed me,
+that I was afraid of the light which shone down upon me.
+
+"'Give her the letters!' the voice cried suddenly, and cried so loudly
+and distinctly that I thought the storm must have shouted the words in
+my ears.
+
+"Then I fought a hard battle; but each time my good intention wavered,
+hard pressed by the fear of breaking my word to him, and by the wish to
+remain still longer in secret correspondence with him, her sobbing and
+praying reached me more distinctly and confused my senses so, that I
+felt like fleeing to the ends of the earth in order to hear no more.
+
+"And at length I had made up my mind. I carefully packed the letters
+together in a neat little heap, tied them round with a silk ribbon, and
+set about carrying them across to her.
+
+"'That shall be your Christmas present,' said I, for I remembered that
+this year I had not been able to embroider or crochet anything for her,
+as had usually been the custom between us. And as he who gives likes to
+clothe his doings in theatrical garb in order to hide his overflowing
+heart, I determined first to act a little comedy with her.
+
+"I crept, half-dressed as I was, down into the sitting-room, where our
+presents were spread under the Christmas tree, groped in the dark for
+her plate, gathered up what lay beside it, and on the top of all placed
+the little packet of letters. Thus laden, I came to her door and
+knocked.
+
+"I heard a sound like some one dragging himself up from the floor, and
+after a long while--she was probably drying her eyes first--her voice
+was heard at the door, asking who was there and what was wanted of her.
+
+"'It is I, Martha.' I said, 'I come to bring you--your plate--you left
+it downstairs.'
+
+"'Take it with you into your room, I will fetch it to-morrow,' she
+replied, trying hard to suppress the sobs in her voice.
+
+"'But something else has been added,' said I, and my words too were
+almost choked with tears.
+
+"'Then give it me to-morrow.' she replied, 'I am already undressed.'
+
+"'But it is from me,' said I.
+
+"And because, despite her misery, in the kindness of her heart she did
+not want to hurt my feelings, she opened the door. I rushed up to her
+and wept upon her neck, while I kept tight hold of the plate with my
+left hand.
+
+"'Whatever is the matter with you, child?' she asked, and patted me. 'A
+little while ago you seemed the only cheerful one, and now----'
+
+"I pulled myself together, led her under the light, and pointed to the
+plate. At the first glance she recognised the handwriting, grew as
+white as a sheet, and stared at me like one possessed, out of eyes that
+were red with weeping.
+
+"'Take them, take them!' said I.
+
+"She stretched out her hand, but it shrank back as at the touch of
+red-hot iron.
+
+"'See, Martha!' said I, with the desire to revenge myself for her
+silence, and at the same time to brag a little, 'you had no confidence
+in me; you considered me too childish, but I saw through everything,
+and while you were fretting, I was up and doing.' Still she continued
+to stare at me, without power of comprehension. 'You imagine that he no
+longer cares about you,' I went on, 'while all the time I have had to
+give him regular account of your doings and of the state of your
+health. Every week----'
+
+"She staggered back, seized her head with both her hands, and then
+suddenly a shudder seemed to pass through her frame. She stepped close
+up to me, grasped my two hands, and with a peculiarly hoarse voice she
+said, 'Look me in the face, Olga! Which of you two wrote the first
+letter?'
+
+"'I,' said I, astonished, for I did not yet know what she was driving
+at.
+
+"'And you--you betrayed to him the state of my feelings--you--_offered_
+me, Olga?'
+
+"'What puts such an idea into your head?' said I. 'He himself confessed
+everything to me when he was here. Oh, he knew me better than you.' I
+added, for I could not let this small trump slip by. 'He was not
+ashamed to confide in me.'
+
+"'Thank God!' she murmured with a deep sigh, and folded her hands.
+
+"'But now come, Martha,' said I, leading her to the table, 'now we will
+celebrate Christmas.'
+
+"And then we read the letters together, one after the other, and from
+one and all his heart, faithful and true as gold, shone forth through
+the simple, awkward words, and spread a warm glow, so that our heavily
+oppressed souls grew lighter and more cheerful, that we laughed and
+cried with cheek pressed to cheek, and almost squeezed our hands off in
+the mutual attempt to make each other feel the pressure which his warm
+red fist was wont to give.
+
+"And then suddenly--it was at one place where he specially impressed
+upon me to be sure and take great care of her and watch over her and
+protect her for his sake--her happiness overwhelmed her, and--I blush
+to write it down--she fell on her knees before me and pressed her lips
+to my hand.
+
+"But, though I was much startled, I no longer felt anything of that
+pricking and gnawing which a little while before, under the Christmas
+tree, had so sorely beset my bosom. I knew that my guilt was blotted
+out, and with a free light heart I vowed to myself now indeed to watch
+like a guardian angel over my sister, who was so much more feeble and
+in want of direction than I, the foolish and immature child. And she
+felt this herself, for unresistingly she, who had hitherto treated me
+as a child, submitted to my guidance.
+
+"At last I had attained the desire of my heart. I had a human being
+whom I could pet and spoil as much as I pleased; and, now that every
+barrier between us had fallen, I lavished upon my sister all the
+tenderness which had for so long been stored up unused within me.
+
+"Father and mother were not a little surprised at the newly-awakened
+cordiality of our relations to each other, that just latterly had left
+much to be desired, and Martha herself could hardly grow accustomed to
+the change. She contemplated me every day in new astonishment, and
+often said, 'How could I suspect that there was so much love within
+you?'
+
+"If she could only have known what a sacrifice it cost me to divulge my
+secret, she would have put a still higher value upon my love.
+
+"Yes, I had rightly guessed how it would be: from the moment when
+Martha had held the letters in her hand, the happiness of my secret
+understanding with Robert was at an end for me. Like a stranger he now
+appeared to me, and when I sat down to write to him I felt like a mere
+machine that has to copy other people's thoughts. Often I even passed
+on a letter unread to Martha as soon as I received it from the
+inspector's hands. Sometimes it worried me that I had abused his
+confidence to such an extent, for he suspected nothing of her
+knowledge; but when I looked at her, saw her newly-awakening smile and
+the quiet, dreamy happiness that shone forth from her eyes, I consoled
+my conscience with the thought that I could not possibly have committed
+any wrong. So far I had only become his betrayer; soon I was to betray
+Martha too.
+
+"Winter and spring passed by swiftly, and the time came for storing the
+sheaves in the barns.
+
+"As soon as the harvest was over he intended to come; but before then,
+he wrote, there was many a hardship to be surmounted.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"One day papa appeared in the kitchen, where we were, with an
+apparently indifferent air, snuffled about for a while among the pots
+and pans, and meanwhile kept on slashing at the long leggings of his
+water-boots with his riding-whip.
+
+"'Why you have become a Paul Pry to-day, papa?' said I.
+
+"He gave a short laugh and remarked, 'Yes, I have become a Paul Pry.'
+And when he had for some time longer been running backwards and
+forwards without speaking, he suddenly stopped in front of Martha and
+said--
+
+"'If you should just have time, my child, you might come into the room
+for a moment. Mama and I have something to say to you.'
+
+"'Ah, I see,' said I, 'that is the reason for this long preliminary.
+May I come too?'
+
+"'No.' he replied. 'You remain in the kitchen.'
+
+"Martha gave me a long look, took off her apron, and went with him to
+the sitting-room.
+
+"For a while all remained quiet in there. Round about me the steam was
+hissing, the pots were broiling, and one of the maids was making a
+great clatter cleaning knives; but all this noise was suddenly
+penetrated by a short, piercing cry which could only proceed from
+Martha's lips.
+
+"Trembling I listened, and at the same moment papa came rushing into
+the kitchen, calling for 'Water!' I hurried past him, and found my
+sister lying fainting on the ground with her head in mama's lap.
+
+"'What have you been doing to Martha?' I cried, throwing myself on my
+knees beside her.
+
+"No one answered me. Mama, as helpless as a child, was wringing her
+hands, and papa was chewing his moustache, to suppress his tears,
+as it seemed. Then, as I bent down over the poor creature, I saw a
+blue-speckled sheet of paper lying beside her on the floor, which I
+immediately, and unobserved by any one, appropriated.
+
+"Thereupon I quickly did what was most pressing: I recalled my sister
+to consciousness, and led her, while she gazed about with vacant eyes,
+up to her room.
+
+"There I laid her upon her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, and from
+time to time wanted to drink. Her spirit did not yet seem to have
+awakened again at all.
+
+"I meanwhile secretly drew the letter from my pocket, and read what I
+here record verbally; for I have carefully preserved this monument of
+motherly and sisterly affection:--
+
+
+"'My beloved Brother! Dearest Sister-in-Law!--A circumstance of a very
+painful nature compels me to write to you to-day. You are, I am sure,
+fully convinced how much I love you, and how much my heart longs to be
+in the closest possible relation to you and your children. All through
+my life I have only shown you kindness and affection, and received the
+same from you. Relying on this affection I to-day address a request to
+you, which is prompted by the anxiety of a mother's heart. To-day my
+son Robert came to us and declared that he intended asking you for your
+daughter Martha's hand; begging us at the same time to give our
+consent, with which, as a good son and also as a prudent man he cannot
+dispense, as unfortunately he still depends, to a great extent, on our
+assistance.
+
+"'If I might have followed the bent of my heart, I would have fallen
+upon his neck with tears of joy; but, unhappily, I had to keep a clear
+head for my son and my husband--who are both children--and was forced
+to tell him that on no account could anything come of this.
+
+"'My dear brother, I do not wish to reproach you in any way for
+not having been able to keep your affairs straight in the course of
+years--far be it from me to mix myself up in matters that do not
+concern me; but as these matters now stand, your estate is encumbered
+with debts, and, with the exception of--as I would fain believe--an
+ample 'trousseau,' your daughters would not have a farthing of dowry to
+expect. On the other hand, my son Robert's estate is also heavily
+embarrassed through the payments which he had to make to us and his
+sisters and brothers--as well as by the mortgages which we still hold
+upon it, and by the interests of which we and my other children have to
+live--so that marriage with a poor girl would simply mean ruin to him.
+
+"'I do not take into account that your daughter Martha must--according
+to your letters--be a weakly and delicate creature, and therefore
+appears to me utterly unfit to take cheerfully upon herself the cares
+of this large household and to render my son Robert happy; the idea
+that she would come into his house with empty hands is in itself
+decisive for me, and suffices to convince me that she herself must
+become unhappy and make him so.
+
+"'If your daughter Martha truly loves my son Robert, it will not prove
+hard for her to renounce all thoughts of a marriage with him in the
+interests of his welfare, provided, of course, he should still have the
+courage to propose to her in spite of his parents' opposition--although
+I do not expect such filial disobedience from him, and absolutely
+cannot imagine such a thing. I am convinced, my dear relations, that
+your brotherly and sisterly affection will prompt you to join with me
+in refusing your consent, now and for ever, to such a pernicious and
+unnatural union,
+
+                      "'Yours, with sincere love,
+
+                                  "'Johanna Hellinger.
+
+"'P.S.--How have your crops turned out? Winter rye with us is good, but
+the potatoes show much disease.'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Rage at this mean and hypocritical piece of writing so possessed me,
+that loudly laughing, I crumpled the sheet of paper beneath my feet.
+
+"My laughter probably hurt Martha, for it was her moaning which at
+length brought me back to my senses. There she lay now, helplessly
+smitten down, as if shattered by the blow which should have steeled her
+strength for enhanced resistance. And as I gazed down upon her,
+tortured by the consciousness of being condemned to look on idly, there
+once again broke forth from my soul that sigh of former times: 'Oh,
+that you were--she!' But what new meaning it concealed! What then had
+been folly and childishness, had now developed into seriousness of
+purpose, ready self-sacrifice, and consciousness of strength.
+
+"I determined to act as long as ever there was time yet. First of all,
+I would go to my parents, tell them what I had done, and that for a
+long time already I had been initiated into everything--and finally
+demand of them to assign to me at length that position in the family
+council which, in spite of my youth, was due to me.
+
+"But I rejected this idea again. As soon as I participated in the
+deliberations of my family, it became my duty not to act contrary to
+whatever they thought good, and only if I apparently took no heed of
+anything, could I be working for the salvation of my poor sister
+according to my own plans and my own judgment.
+
+"I very soon saw how matters lay. Each one had read in the letter what
+most appealed to his nature.
+
+"Papa, quite possessed by a poor man's pride, would, after this, have
+thought it a disgrace to let his child enter a family where she would
+be looked at disparagingly. Mama, for her part, had been touched
+by the interspersed professions of affection, and thought that her
+sister-in-law's confidence ought not to be abused.
+
+"And my sister?
+
+"That same night, as I kept watch at her bedside, I felt her place her
+hot hand upon mine and draw me gently towards her with her feeble arm.
+
+"'I have something to say to you, Olga,' she whispered, still looking
+up at the ceiling with her sad eyes.
+
+"'Had we not better leave it till to-morrow?' I suggested.
+
+"'No,' she said, 'else meanwhile that will happen which must not
+happen. Henceforth all is over between him and me.'
+
+"'You little know him,' said I.
+
+"'But I know myself,' said she. 'I break it off.'
+
+"'Martha!' I cried, horrified.
+
+"'I know very well,' she said, 'that I shall die of it, but what does
+that matter? I am of very little account. It is better so, than that I
+should make him unhappy.'
+
+"'You are talking in a fever, Martha,' I cried, 'for I do not think you
+silly enough to let yourself be baited by the trash of that old hag.'
+
+"'I feel only too well that she speaks the truth,' said she. A cold
+shudder passed through me when I heard her pronounce these despairing
+and hopeless words as calmly and composedly as if they were a formula
+of the multiplication table. 'Do not gainsay me.' she continued; 'not
+only since to-day do I know this--I have always felt something of the
+kind, and ought by rights not to have been startled to-day; but it
+certainly does upset one, when one so unexpectedly sees in writing
+before one's eyes the death sentence which hitherto one has scarcely
+dared to suggest to one's own conscience.'
+
+"As eloquently as I possibly could, I remonstrated with her. I
+consigned our aunt to the blackest depths of hell, and proved to a
+nicety that she (Martha) alone was born to become the good angel in
+Robert's house. But it was no good, her faith in herself would not be
+revived; the blow had fallen upon her too heavily. And finally she
+expected it of me to write no further letter to him, and to break off
+our intercourse once and for all. I was alarmed to the depths of my
+soul, no less for my own than for her sake. I refused, too, with all
+the energy of which I was capable; but she persisted in her
+determination, and as she even threatened to betray our correspondence
+to our parents, I was at length forced to comply, whether I would or
+no.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Troubled days were in store. Martha slunk about the house like
+a ghost. Papa rode like wild through the woods, stayed away at
+meal-times, and had not a good word for any of us. Mama, our good, fat
+mama, sat knitting in her corner, and from time to time wiped the tears
+out of her eyes, while she looked round anxiously, lest any one should
+notice it. Yes, it was a sad time!
+
+"Two urgent letters from Robert had arrived. He wrote that he was in
+great trouble, and I was to send him tidings forthwith. I told Martha
+nothing of them, but I kept my promise.
+
+"A week had passed by, when I noticed that our parents were discussing
+what answer they would send to aunt. In order to exclude any suspicion
+of sneaking into a marriage, papa had the intention of binding himself
+by a final promise, and mama said 'yes,' as she said yes to everything
+that did not concern jellies and sweets.
+
+"The same day Martha declared that she felt unfit to leave her
+bed--that she had no pain, but that her limbs would not carry her.
+
+"Thus I saw misfortune gathering more and more darkly. I dared not
+hesitate any longer.
+
+"'Come! Redeem your promise before it is too late.' These words I wrote
+to him. And to be quite sure, I myself ran down into the town, and
+handed the letter to the postillion who was just preparing to start for
+Prussia.
+
+"At the moment when the envelope left my hands, I felt a pang at my
+heart as if I had thereby surrendered by soul to strange powers.
+
+"Three times I was on the point of returning to ask my letter back, but
+when I did so in good earnest the postillion was already far away.
+
+"When I climbed up the slope leading to the manor house I hid myself in
+the bushes and wept bitterly.
+
+"From that hour an agitation possessed me, such as I had never before
+in my life experienced. I felt as if fever were burning in my limbs--at
+nights I ran about my room restlessly, all day long I was on the
+look-out, and every approaching carriage drove all the blood to my
+heart.
+
+"I gave wrong answers to every question, and the very maids in the
+kitchen began to shake their heads doubtfully. A bride who is expecting
+her bridegroom could not behave more crazily.
+
+"This state of things lasted for four days, and it was lucky for me
+that each member of the family was so engrossed with himself, else
+suspicion and cross-examination could not have been spared me.
+
+"This time I did not receive him. When I recognised his figure in the
+strange, four-horse carriage which, all besplashed with mud, tore
+through the courtyard gate, I ran up to the attic and hid in the most
+remote corner.
+
+"My face was aglow, my limbs trembled, and before my eyes fiery-red
+mists were dancing.
+
+"Downstairs I heard doors banging, heard hurried steps lumber up and
+down the stairs, heard the servants' voices calling my name--I did not
+stir.
+
+"And when all had become quiet, I stole cautiously down the back
+staircase, out into the park, in the wildest wilderness of which I
+crouched down. A peculiar feeling of bitterness and shame agitated me.
+I felt as if I must take to flight, only never again to have to face
+that pair of eyes for whose coming I yet had so longingly waited. And
+then I pictured to myself what, during these moments, was most probably
+taking place in the house. Papa was sure to have been somewhat helpless
+at sight of him, for he certainly still felt the effects of that wicked
+letter; he was sure also to have resisted a little when he heard him
+utter his proposal; but then Martha had appeared--how quickly she has
+found her strength again, poor ailing creature, who but a few moments
+ago lay tired to death on the sofa, how quickly she will have forgotten
+everything that the years have brought of sorrow and sadness--and now
+they will lie in each other's embrace and not remember me.
+
+"And then suddenly a dark feeling of defiance awoke within me. 'Why do
+you hide away?' cried a voice. 'Have you not done your duty? Is not all
+this your work?'
+
+"With a sudden jerk I raised myself up, smoothed back my tumbled hair
+from my forehead, and with firm tread and set lips I walked towards the
+house. No sound of rejoicing greeted my ears. All was quiet--quiet as
+the grave. In the dining-room I found mama alone. She had folded her
+hands and was heaving deep sighs, while great tears rolled down as far
+as her white double chin.
+
+"'That is the result of her emotion.' thought I to myself, and sat down
+facing her.
+
+"'Wherever have you been hiding, Olga?' she said, this time drying her
+eyes quite leisurely. 'You must have a few young fowls killed for
+supper, and set the good Moselle in a cold place. Cousin Robert has
+come.'
+
+"'Ah, indeed,' said I, very calmly, 'where may he be?'
+
+"'He is speaking to papa in his study.'
+
+"'And where is Martha?' I asked, smiling.
+
+"She gave me a disapproving look for my precociousness, and then said,
+'She is in there, too.'
+
+"'Then I suppose I can go at once and offer my congratulations; I
+remarked.
+
+"'Saucy girl,' said she.
+
+"But before I could carry out my purpose the door of the adjoining room
+opened and in walked slowly, as slowly as if he came from a sepulchre,
+Robert--Cousin Robert, with ashy pale face and great drops of
+perspiration on his brow. I felt how, at sight of him, all my blood,
+too, left my face. A presentiment of evil awoke within me.
+
+"'Where is Martha?' I cried, hastening towards him.
+
+"'I do not know.' He spoke as if every word choked him. He did not even
+shake hands.
+
+"And then papa came too, after him.
+
+"Mama had got up and all three stood there and silently shook hands
+like at a funeral.
+
+"'Where is Martha?' I cried once more.
+
+"'Go and look after her,' said papa, 'she will want you.'
+
+"I rushed out, up the stairs to her room. It was locked.
+
+"'Martha, open the door! It is I.'
+
+"Nothing stirred.
+
+"I begged, I implored, I promised to make everything right again. I
+lavished endearing epithets upon her--that, too, was in vain. Nothing
+was audible except from time to time a deep breath which sounded like a
+gasp from a half-throttled throat.
+
+"Then rage seized me, that I should be everywhere repulsed.
+
+"'I suppose I am just good enough to prepare the mourning repast.' I
+said, laughing out loud, ran to the maids and had six young chickens
+killed and even stood by calmly while the poor little creatures' blood
+squirted out of their necks.
+
+"One of them, a young cockerel, quite desperately beat its wings and
+crowed for very terror of death, while it thrust its spurs at the
+maid's fingers.
+
+"'Even a poor, weak animal like this resists when one tries to kill
+it,' I thought to myself, 'but my lady sister humbly kisses the hand
+that wields the knife against her.'
+
+"The death of these innocent beings might almost be called gay in
+comparison with the meal for which they served. No condemned criminal's
+last meal could pass more dismally. Every five minutes some one
+suddenly began to talk, and then talked as if paid for it. The others
+nodded knowingly, but I could very well see: whoever heard did not know
+what he heard, whoever talked did not know what he was talking about.
+
+"Martha had not put in an appearance. When we were about to separate,
+each one to go to his room, Robert seized both my hands and drew me
+into a corner.
+
+"'My thanks to you, Olga,' he said, while his lips twitched, 'for
+having so faithfully taken my part. Now we will mark a long pause at
+the end of our letters.'
+
+"'For heaven's sake, Robert,' I stammered, 'however did this come
+about?'
+
+"He shrugged his shoulders. 'I suppose I kept her waiting too long,' he
+then said; 'she has grown tired of me.'
+
+"I was about to cry out: 'That is not true--that is not true! 'but
+behind us stood my father and informed him that, according to his wish,
+the conveyance would be ready at daybreak.
+
+"'Then I am not to see you any more?' I cried, alarmed.
+
+"He shook his head. 'We had better bid each other good-bye now,' he
+said, and squeezed my hand.
+
+"Within me a voice cried that he must not depart thus, that I must
+speak to him at any price. But I bravely suppressed the words that were
+nearly choking me. And so we once more shook hands and separated.
+
+"I had several things to do yet in the house, and while I put out some
+coffee and weighed out flour and bacon for next morning's meal, the
+words were constantly in my ears: 'You must speak to him.'
+
+"Then, as I went, with my candle in my hand, up to my room, I made a
+detour past his door, for I hoped I might perhaps meet him on the
+landing; but that was empty, and his door was closed. Only the sound of
+his heavy footsteps inside the room was audible throughout the house.
+
+"In Martha's room it was as silent as death. I put my ear to the
+keyhole; nothing was audible. She might as well have been dead or
+flown.
+
+"Terror seized me. I knelt down in front of the keyhole, begged and
+implored, and finally threatened to fetch our parents if she still
+persisted in giving no sign of life.
+
+"Then at length she vouchsafed me an answer. I heard a voice: 'Spare
+me, child, just for to-day spare me!' And this voice sounded so strange
+that I hardly recognised it.
+
+"I went on my way now, but my fear increased lest he might set forth
+with anger and disappointment in his heart, without a word of
+explanation, without ever having suspected the greatness of Martha's
+love.
+
+"A very fever burnt within my brain, and every pulsation of my veins
+cried out to me: 'You must speak to him--you must speak to him!'
+
+"I half undressed and threw myself on the sofa. The clock struck
+eleven--it struck half-past eleven. Still his footsteps resounded
+through the house. But the later it was, the more did it grow
+impossible for me to carry out my resolve.
+
+"What if a servant should spy upon me--should see me stealing into our
+guest's room! My heart stood still at the thought.
+
+"The clock struck twelve. I opened the window and looked out upon the
+world. Everything seemed asleep, even from Robert's and Martha's rooms
+no light shone forth. Both were burying their sorrow and anguish in the
+lap of darkness.
+
+"With the night wind that beat against the casement, the words droned
+in my ears: 'You must--you must!' And like a soft sweet melody it
+coaxed and cajoled at intervals: 'Thus you will see him again--will
+feel his hand in yours--will hear his voice--perhaps even his laugh; do
+you not want to bring him happiness--the happiness of his life?'
+
+"With a sudden impulse I shut the casement, wrapped myself in my
+dressing-gown, took my slippers in my hand and stole out into the dark
+corridor.
+
+"Ah, how my heart beat, how my blood coursed through my temples! I
+staggered--I was obliged to support myself by the walls.
+
+"Now I stood outside his door. Even yet his footsteps shook the boards.
+But the noise of his heavy tread had ceased. He had evidently divested
+himself of his boots.
+
+"'You must not knock!' it struck me suddenly, 'that would not escape
+Martha.'
+
+"My hand grasped the door-handle. I shuddered. I do not know how I
+opened the door. I felt as if some one else had done it for me.
+
+"Before me the outline of his mighty figure----.
+
+"A low cry from his lips--a bound towards me. Then I felt both my hands
+clutched--felt a hot wave of breath near my forehead.
+
+"At the first moment the mad idea may have darted through his brain,
+that Martha had in such impetuous manner bethought herself of her old
+love--in the next he had already recognised me.
+
+"'For Heaven's sake, child,' he cried, 'whatever has possessed you?
+What brings you to me? Has no one possibly seen you, say--has no one
+seen you?'
+
+"I shook my head. He still evidently thinks you very stupid, I thought
+to myself, and drew a deep breath, for I felt the terrors of my venture
+were disappearing from my soul.
+
+"He set me free and hastened to make a light. I groped my way to the
+sofa, and dropped down in a corner.
+
+"The light of the candle flared up--it dazzled me. I turned towards the
+wall and covered my face. A feeling of weakness, a longing to cling to
+something, had come over me. I was so glad to be with him, that I
+forgot all else.
+
+"'Olga, my dear, good child,' he urged, 'speak out, tell me what you
+want of me?'
+
+"I looked up at him. I saw his swarthy, serious face, in which the
+day's trouble had graven deep furrows, and became lost in its
+contemplation.
+
+"'What do you want? Do you bring me news of Martha?'
+
+"'Yes, of course, Martha!' I pulled myself together. Away with this
+sentimental self-abandon! In my limbs I once more felt the firm
+strength of which I was so proud. 'Listen, Robert,' said I, 'you will
+not set out at daybreak already.'
+
+'Why should I not do so?' said he, setting his lips.
+
+"'Because I do not wish it!'
+
+"'All due respect to your wishes, my dear child!' replied he, with a
+bitter laugh, 'but they alter nothing in my resolve.'
+
+"'So you want to lose Martha for ever?'
+
+"Now I felt myself once more so strong and joyous in my _role_ of
+guardian, that I would have taken up fight with the whole world to
+bring these two together. Foolish, unsuspecting creature that I was!
+
+"'Have I not already lost her?' he replied, and stared into vacancy.
+
+"'What did she say to you to-day?'
+
+"'Why should I repeat it? She spoke very wisely and very staidly, as
+one can only speak if one has ceased to love a person.'
+
+"'And you really believe that?' I asked.
+
+"'Must I not believe it? And after all, what does it signify? Even if
+she had retained a remnant of her affection for me, she did well to get
+rid of it thoroughly on this occasion; it is better thus, for her as
+well as for me. I have nothing to offer her; no happiness, no joy,
+not even some little paltry pleasure, nothing but work, and trouble,
+and anxiety--from year's end to year's end. And added to that, a
+mother-in-law who is hostile to her, who would make her feel it keenly,
+that she had come with empty hands.'
+
+"I felt how my blood rushed to my face. I was ashamed, but not for
+Martha or myself--for I was of course just as poor as she; no, for him,
+that he should have to speak thus of his own mother.
+
+"'And now say yourself, my girl,' he went on, 'is she not wiser, with
+such prospects before her, to remain in the shelter of her warm nest,
+and to send me about my business, as I could never give her anything
+but unhappiness?'
+
+"He dishevelled his hair and ran about the room the while like a hunted
+animal.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'you are deceiving yourself.'
+
+"He stopped, looked at me and laughed out loud: 'What is it you want of
+me? Am I perhaps to demand a written confirmation of her refusal,
+before I betake myself off?'
+
+"'Robert,' I continued, without allowing myself to be put out, 'tell me
+candidly whether you love her?'
+
+"'Child,' he replied, 'should I be here if I did not love her?'
+
+"With his huge arms outspread he stood before me. I felt as if I must
+be crushed between them if they closed around me--everything danced
+before my eyes--I squeezed myself further into my corner. And then
+there came into my thoughts what I had pictured to myself now and for
+years before; how I would love him if I were Martha, and how I should
+want him to love me in return.
+
+"'See, Robert.' I said, 'taking me altogether, I am a foolish creature.
+But as regards love, I do know about that, not only through the poets;
+I have felt it in myself for a long time.'
+
+"'Do you love some one then?' he asked.
+
+"I blushed and shook my head.
+
+"'How else can you feel it within you?' he went on.
+
+"'It came as an inspiration from Heaven,' I replied, lowering my gaze to
+the ground, 'but I know I would not love like you two. I would not be
+downcast, I would not steal away as you are doing and say: "It is
+better so!" I would compel her with the ardour of my soul; I would
+conquer her with the strength of my arms; I would clasp her to my
+breast and carry her away with me, no matter whither! Out into the
+night, into the desert, if no sun would shine upon us, no house give us
+shelter. I would starve with her at the roadside, rather than give fair
+words to the world--the world that sought to separate me from her.
+Thus, Robert, I would act if I were you; and if I were she, I would
+laughingly throw myself upon your breast, and would say to you: "Come,
+I will go a-begging for you if you have no bread, my lap shall be your
+resting-place if you have no bed, your wounds I will heal with my
+tears--I will suffer a thousand deaths for your sake, and thank God
+that it is vouchsafed to me to do so." You see, Robert, that is how I
+imagine love, and not pasted together out of fear of mothers-in-law and
+unpaid interests.'
+
+"I had talked myself into a passion. I felt how my cheeks were a-glow,
+and then suddenly shame overwhelmed me at the thought that I had thus
+laid bare to him my innermost being. I pressed my hands to my face, and
+struggled with my tears.
+
+"When I dared to look up again, he was standing before me with
+glistening eyes and staring at me.
+
+"'Child,' he said, 'where in all the world did you get that from? Why
+it sounded like the Song of Songs.'
+
+"I set my teeth and was silent. I did not know myself how it had come
+to me.
+
+"He then seated himself at my side and seized both my hands.
+
+"'Olga.' he went on, 'what you just said was not exactly practical, but
+it was beautiful and true, and has stirred up the very depths of my
+soul. It seemed to me as if I were listening to a voice from some other
+world, and I am almost ashamed of having been faint-hearted and
+cowardly. But even if I braced myself up and thought as you do: what
+good would it all be, seeing that she no longer cares for me?'
+
+"'She not care for you?' I cried, 'she will die of it, if you leave
+her, Robert!'
+
+"'Olga!'
+
+"I saw how a joyful doubt illumined his countenance, and I felt as if a
+strange hand were gripping at my throat; but I would not let myself be
+deterred from my purpose, and gathering together all my defiance, I
+continued: 'I know, Robert, that you will despise me when you have
+heard what I am about to tell you; but I must do it, so that you may
+understand that you _cannot_ depart. I have played a false game towards
+you, Robert, I have betrayed your confidence.'
+
+"And with bated breath, gasping forth the words, I told him what I had
+done with his letters.
+
+"I had not nearly finished when I suddenly felt myself seized in his
+arms and clasped to his breast.
+
+"'Olga, and this is true?' he cried, quite beside himself with joy,
+'can you swear to me that it is the truth?'
+
+"I nodded affirmatively, for the tremor that ran deliciously through my
+veins had robbed me of speech.
+
+"'God bless you for this, you wise, brave girl,' he cried, and pressed
+me so firmly to his breast that I could hardly draw my breath. I let my
+head drop upon his shoulder and closed my eyes. And then I started as I
+felt his lips upon mine. It seemed to me as if a flame had touched me.
+And again and again he kissed me, quite senseless with gratitude and
+happiness.
+
+"I kept thinking: 'Oh, that this moment might never end!' And tremor
+upon tremor shook my frame; quite limp I hung in his arms. Only once
+the idea darted through my mind: 'May you return his kisses?' But I did
+not dare to do so.
+
+"How long he held me thus I do not know, I only felt my head suddenly
+fall heavily against the sofa-ledge. Then the pain awakened me as from
+a deep, deep dream.
+
+"I lay there motionless and gasped for breath. He noticed it and cried
+in alarm, 'You are growing quite pale, child; have you hurt yourself?'
+
+"I nodded, and remarked that it was nothing, and would soon pass over.
+Ah! I knew too well that it would not pass over, that it would be
+graven in flaming letters upon my heart and upon my senses, that on
+many a long, cold, winter's night I should I find warmth in the glow of
+this moment, in this glow which was only the reflection of love for
+another.
+
+"I knew all that, and felt as if I must succumb beneath the weight of
+this consciousness, but I braced myself up, for I had sufficiently
+learnt to keep myself under control.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'I want to give you a piece of advice, and then let
+me go, for I am tired!'
+
+"'Speak, speak!' he cried, 'I will blindly do whatever you wish.'
+
+"Then, as I looked at him, it made me sigh with mingled pain and bliss,
+for the thought kept coming to me: 'He has held you in his arms.' I
+should have liked best of all to sink back once more with closed eyes
+into the sofa-corner, and simulate fainting a little longer, but I
+pulled myself together and said: 'I am pretty certain that Martha will
+not close her eyes to-night, but be on the watch to see you go. She
+will want to look after you; and as her room lies towards the garden
+she will either go into yours or the one adjoining. When you get
+downstairs wait a little while, and then do as if you had forgotten
+something, and then--and then----' I could not go on, for all too
+mighty within me was the sobbing and rejoicing: 'He has held you in his
+arms.'
+
+"I feared that I should no longer be able to master my
+excitement--without a word of farewell I turned to take to flight
+precipitately. When I opened the door--Martha stood before me. She
+stood there, barefooted, half-dressed, as pale as death, and trembling.
+She was unable to stir; her strength probably failed her.
+
+"And at the same moment I heard behind me a glad cry, saw him rush past
+me and clasp her tottering form in his arms.
+
+"'Thank God, now I have you!' That was the last I heard; then I fled to
+my room as if pursued by furies, locked and bolted everything, and
+wept, wept bitterly.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Over the days that now followed, with their crushing blows of fate,
+with their lingering sorrow, I will pass with rapid stride. In them I
+became matured: I became a woman.
+
+"Eight months after that night papa was carried home on a waggon-rack.
+He had fallen from his horse and sustained grave internal injuries.
+Three days later he died. In the misery that now beset the household, I
+was the only one who kept a clear head. Martha broke down feebly, and
+mama--oh, our poor dear mama! She had been sitting for so many years
+comfortably and placidly in the chimney-corner, knitting stockings and
+chewing fruit-jujubes the while, that she would not and could not
+realise that it must be different now. She spoke not a single word, she
+hardly shed a tear, but internally the sore spread, and even had the
+brain fever, which attacked her four weeks later, spared her, her
+sorrow would still have broken her heart.
+
+"There, now, those two lay in the churchyard, and we two orphans were
+left helpless in our desolate home, and waited for the time when we
+should be driven forth. I, for my part, knew which way my path lay, and
+knew that the future would have nothing to offer me but the hard bread
+of service; I did not despair and did not quarrel with my fate. I knew
+that I possessed sufficient strength and pride to hold my own even
+among strangers, but it was for Martha--who now less than ever could
+dispense with love and consolation--that I trembled.
+
+"Her marriage still lay in the far distance; Robert must not let her
+wait much longer or she might easily waste away in her misery and one
+morning silently die out like a little lamp in which the oil is
+consumed.
+
+"I was not deceived in him. To the funerals he had not been able to
+come; but his words of consolation had been there at all times, and had
+helped Martha over the most trying hours. For me, too, there was
+sometimes a crumb of comfort, and I eagerly seized upon it like one
+starving.
+
+"One day he himself arrived. 'Now I have come to fetch you home,' he
+cried out to Martha. She sank upon his breast and there wept her fill.
+The happy creature! I meanwhile crept away into the darkest arbour, and
+wondered whether my heart would ever find a home prepared for it, where
+it might take refuge in hours of trouble or hours of happiness! I
+very well felt that these were idle dreams, for the only place in the
+world--in short, a feeling of defiance awoke within me, of bitterness
+so great, so galling to my whole nature, that I harshly and gloomily
+fled my dear ones' embrace, and grew cold and reserved in solitary
+sadness.
+
+"I was to go with them, was to share the remnant of happiness that
+still remained for them, and to make a permanent home for myself at my
+brother-in-law's hearth; but coldly and obstinately I repudiated his
+offer.
+
+"In vain both of them strove to solve the riddle of my behaviour, and
+Martha, who fretted because none of her happiness was to fall to my
+share, often came at nights to my bedside and wept upon my neck. Then I
+felt ashamed of my hard disposition, spoke to her caressingly as to a
+child, and did not allow her to leave me till a smile of hope broke
+through her trouble.
+
+"For a week Robert worked hard in every direction to dispose of our
+belongings and find purchasers for them. Very little remained over for
+us; but then we did not require anything.
+
+"Then, quite quietly, the wedding took place. I and the old
+head-inspector were the witnesses, and instead of a wedding breakfast
+we went out to the churchyard and bade farewell to the newly-made
+graves, whose yellow sand the ivy was beginning to cover scantily with
+thin trails.
+
+"During the last weeks I had been looking out for a suitable situation.
+I had received several offers; I had only to choose. And when Robert,
+with grave and solemn looks, placed himself in front of me and
+solicitously asked, 'What is to become of you now, child?' with a calm
+smile I disclosed to him my plans for the future, so that he clapped
+his hands in admiration and cried 'Upon my word I envy you; you
+understand how to make your way.'
+
+"And Martha too envied me, that I could see by the sad looks which she
+fastened on me and Robert. She herself wished that she might once more
+have all my unbroken, youthful strength to lay it upon his altar of
+sacrifice. I kissed her and told her to keep up her spirits, and her
+eyes with which she looked imploringly up at Robert said: 'I give you
+all that I am; forgive me that it is not more.'
+
+"Next morning we set forth; the young couple to their new home--I to go
+among strangers.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Of the next three years I will say nothing at all. What I suffered
+during that time in the way of mortification and humiliation is graven
+with indelible lines upon my soul; it has finally achieved the
+hardening of my disposition, and made me cold and suspicious towards
+every living human being. I have learnt to despise their hatred and
+still more their love. I have learnt to smile when anguish was tearing
+with iron grip at my soul. I have learnt to carry my head erect, when I
+could have hidden it in the dust for very shame.
+
+"The leaden heaviness of dreary, loveless days, the terrible weight of
+darkness in sleepless nights, the loathsome dissonance of lascivious
+flattery, the endless, oppressive silence of strangers' jealousy--with
+all these I became familiar.
+
+"It was indeed a hard crust of bread that I ate among strangers, and
+often enough I moistened it with my tears.
+
+"The only comfort, the only pleasure that remained to me, were Martha's
+letters. She wrote often, at times even daily, and generally there was
+a postscript in Robert's scrawling, awkward handwriting. Oh, how I
+pounced upon it! How I devoured the words! Thus I lived through their
+whole life with them. It was not cheerful--no, indeed not! But still it
+was life! Often the waves of trouble closed over them; then both of
+them, strong Robert and weak Martha, were defenceless and helpless like
+two children, and I had to intervene and tender advice and
+encouragement.
+
+"Finally, I had become so well acquainted with their household that I
+could have recognised the voice and face of each of their servants, of
+every one of their friends and acquaintances.
+
+"Aunt Hellinger I hated with my most ardent hatred, the old physician I
+loved with my most ardent love, the insipid set of Philistines who had
+such a spiteful way of looking at everything, and so exactly reckoned
+out on their fingers the progress of decay on Robert's estate, I held
+in iciest contempt. 'Oh that I were in her place!' I often muttered
+between my set teeth, when Martha plaintively described the little
+trials of their social intercourse, 'how I would send them about their
+business, these cold, haughty shopkeepers! how they should crawl in the
+dust before me, subdued by my scorn and mockery!'
+
+"But her little joys I also shared with her. I saw her ordering and
+disposing as mistress in and out of the house, saw the little band of
+willing servants around her, and wished I could have been still gentler
+and more helpful than she--this angel in human shape. I saw her seated
+on the sunny balcony, bending over her needlework. I saw her taking her
+afternoon rest under the great branches of the limes in the garden. I
+saw her, as she sat waiting for his appearance, dreamily gazing out
+upon the whirling snow-flakes, when, outside, his deep voice resounded
+across the courtyard, and inside, the coffee-machine was cosily
+humming.
+
+"Thus I lived their life with them, while for me one lonely and joyless
+day joined on to the next like the iron links of an endless chain.
+
+"It was in the third year that Martha confessed to me that Robert's
+ardent wish and her own silent prayer was to be fulfilled--that she was
+to become a mother. But at the same time her terror grew, lest her
+weak, frail body should not be equal to the trial which was in store
+for her. I hoped and feared with her, and perhaps more than she, for
+loneliness and distance distorted the visions of my imagination. Many a
+night I woke up bathed in tears; for in my dreams I had already seen
+her as a corpse before me. A memory of my earliest girlhood returned to
+me, when I had found her one day, rigid and pale, like one dead, upon
+the sofa.
+
+"This vision did not leave me. The nearer the decisive term approached,
+the more was I consumed with anxiety. I began to suffer bodily from the
+misgivings of my brain, and the strangers among whom I dwelt--I will
+not mention them by name, for they are not worth naming in these
+pages--grew to be mere phantoms for me.
+
+"Martha's last letters sounded proud and full of joyful hope. Her fear
+seemed to have disappeared; she already revelled in the delights of
+approaching maternity.
+
+"Then followed three days in which I remained without news, three days
+of feverish anxiety, and then at length came a telegram from my
+brother-in-law--'Martha safely delivered of a boy, wants you. Come
+quickly.'
+
+"With the telegram in my hand, I hastened to my mistress and asked for
+the necessary leave of absence. It was refused me. I, in wildly aroused
+fury, flung my notice to quit in her face, and demanded my freedom
+instantly.
+
+"They tried to find excuses, said I could not be spared just then, that
+I must at least make up my accounts, and formally hand over my
+management; the long and the short of it was, that by means of
+despicable pretexts they delayed me for two days, as if to make the
+dependant, who had always behaved so proudly, feel once more to the
+full the degradation of her humble position.
+
+"Then came a night full of dull stupefaction in the midst of the
+sense-confusing noise of a railway carriage, a morning of shivering
+expectation spent amidst trunks and hat-boxes in a dreary waiting-room,
+where the smell of beer turned one faint. Then a further six hours,
+jammed in between a commercial traveller and a Polish Jew, in the
+stuffy cushions of a postchaise, and at last--at last in the red glow
+of the clear autumn evening, the towers of the little town appeared in
+view, near the walls of which those dearest to me--the only dear ones I
+possessed in the world--had built their nest.
+
+"The sun was setting when I alighted from the postchaise, between the
+wheels of which dead leaves were whirling about in little circles.
+
+"With fast beating heart I looked about me. I thought I saw Robert's
+giant figure coming towards me; but only a few stray idlers were
+loafing around, and gaped at my strange apparition. I asked the
+conductor the way, and, relying for the rest upon Martha's description,
+I set forth alone on my search.
+
+"In front of the low shop doors, groups were standing gossiping, and
+people out for a walk sauntered leisurely towards me. At my approach
+they stopped short, staring at me like at some wonderful bird; and when
+I had passed, low whispers and giggles sounded behind me. A horror
+seized me at this miserable Philistinism.
+
+"Not until I saw the town gate with its towerlike walls rise up before
+me, did my mind grow easier. I knew it quite well. Martha in her
+letters was wont to call it the 'Gate of Hell,' for through it she had
+to pass when an invitation from her I mother-in-law summoned her into
+the town.
+
+"As I walked through the dark vaulting, I suddenly saw on the other
+side of the archway, framed as it were in a black frame, the 'Manor'
+before my eyes.
+
+"It lay hardly a thousand paces away from me. The white walls of the
+manor house gleamed across waving bushes, flooded by the purple rays of
+the setting sun. The zinc-covered roof glistened as if a cascade of
+foaming water were gliding down over it. From the windows flames seemed
+to be bursting, and a storm-cloud hung like a canopy of black curdling
+smoke over the coping.
+
+"I pressed my hands to my heart; its beating almost took my breath, so
+deeply did the sight affect me. For a moment I had a feeling as if I
+must turn back there and then, and hasten away precipitately from this
+place, never stopping or staying till the distance gave me shelter.
+All my anxiety for Martha was swallowed up in this mysterious fear,
+which almost strangled me. I rebuked myself for being foolish and
+cowardly, and, gathering together all my strength, I proceeded along
+the country road in which half-dried-up puddles gleamed like mirrors in
+the cart-ruts. Through the crests of the poplars above me there passed
+a hoarse rustling, which accompanied me till I reached the courtyard
+gate. Just as I entered it, the last sunbeam disappeared behind the
+walls of the manor and the darkness of the mighty lime trees, which
+spread from the park across the path, so suddenly enveloped me that I
+thought night had come on.
+
+"To the right and left tumble-down brickwork, overgrown with
+half-withered celandine, jutted out above ragged thorn-bushes--the
+remains of the old castle, upon the ruins of which the manor house had
+been erected. An atmosphere of death and decay seemed to lie over it
+all.
+
+"I spied fearfully across the vast courtyard, which the dusk of evening
+was beginning to cloak in blue mists. At every sound I started; I felt
+as if Robert's mighty voice must shout a welcome to me. The courtyard
+was empty, the silence of the vesper hour rested upon it. Only from one
+of the stable-doors there came the peculiar hissing sound which the
+sharpening of a scythe produces. A scent of new-mown hay filled the air
+with its peculiarly sweet, pungent aroma.
+
+"Slowly and timidly, like an intruder, I crept along the garden
+railings towards the manor house, that seemed to look down upon
+me grimly and forbiddingly, with its granite pillars and its
+weather-beaten turrets and gables. Here and there the stucco had
+crumbled away, and the blackish bricks of the wall appeared beneath it.
+It looked as if time, like a long illness, had covered this venerable
+body with scars. The front door stood ajar. A large dark hall opened
+before me, from which a peculiar odour of fresh chalk and damp fungi
+streamed towards me--through small coloured glass windows, placed like
+glowing nests close under the ceiling and all covered with cobwebs, a
+dim twilight penetrated this space, hardly sufficient to bring into
+light the immense cupboards ranged along the walls. A brighter gleam
+fell upon a broad flight of stairs worn hollow, the steps of which
+rested upon stone pilasters. High vaulted oaken doors led to the inner
+apartments, but I did not venture to approach one of them. They seemed
+to me like prison gates. I was still standing there, timidly trying to
+find my way, when the front door was torn open and through the wide
+aperture two great yellow-spotted hounds rushed upon me.
+
+"I uttered a cry. The monsters jumped up at me, snuffed at my clothes,
+and then raced back to the door, barking and yelling.
+
+"'Who is there?' cried a voice, whose deep-sounding modulations I had
+so often fancied I heard in waking and dreaming. The aperture was
+darkened. There he stood.
+
+"Red mists seemed to roll before my eyes. I felt as if my feet were
+rooted to the ground. Breathing heavily, I leant against the stair
+column.
+
+"'Who the deuce is there?' he cried once more, while he vainly tried to
+pierce the darkness with his eyes.
+
+"I gathered up all my defiance. Calmly and proudly, as I had bid him
+farewell years before, would I meet him again to-day. What need for him
+to know how much I had suffered since then!
+
+"'Olga--really--Olga--is it you?' The suppressed delight that
+penetrated through his words gave me a warm thrill of pleasure. I felt
+for a moment as if I must throw myself upon his breast and weep out my
+heart there, but I kept my composure.
+
+"'Were you not expecting me?' I asked, mechanically stretching out my
+hand to him.
+
+"Oh, yes--of course--we have been expecting you every hour for the last
+two days--that is, we began to think----"
+
+"He had clasped my hand in both his, and was trying to look into my
+face. A peculiar mixture of cordiality and awkwardness lay in his
+manner. It seemed as if he were vainly trying to discover traces of his
+former good friend in me.
+
+"'How is Martha?' I asked.
+
+"'You will see for yourself.' he replied. 'I do not understand these
+things. To me she appears so weak and so fragile that I tell myself it
+will be a miracle if she survives it. But the doctor says she is
+getting on well, and I suppose he must know best.'
+
+"'And the child?' I asked further.
+
+"A low, suppressed laugh sounded down to me through the semi-obscurity.
+
+"'The child--h'm--the child----' and instead of completing his
+sentence, he gave the dogs a kick, which sent them tearing out of the
+house forthwith.
+
+"'Come,' he then said, 'I will show you the way.'
+
+"We went upstairs, silently, without looking at each other.
+
+"'You have grown a stranger to him!' I thought to myself, and terror
+arose within me, as if I had lost some long-cherished happiness.
+
+"'Wait a moment,' he said, pointing to one of the nearest doors. 'I
+should like to say a word to her to prepare her; the excitement, else,
+might hurt her.'
+
+"Next moment I stood alone in a dark, high-vaulted corridor, at the
+further end of which the rays of the departing day shone in dark
+glowing flames, and cast a long streak of light upon the shining flags
+of the flooring. Undefined sounds, like the singing of a child's voice,
+floated past my ears, when the draught caught in the arches.
+
+"A low cry of joy, which penetrated to me through the door, made me
+start up. My blood welled hotly to my heart: I felt as if its rushing
+must choke me. Then the door opened, Robert's hand groped for me in the
+darkness. Quite dazed, I allowed myself to be pulled forward, and only
+recovered myself when I had dropped on my knees at a bedside, burying
+my face in the pillows, while a moist, hot hand lovingly stroked my
+head. A feeling of homeliness, soft and soothing, such as I had not
+known for years, cajoled my senses. I feared to raise my eyes, for I
+thought it must all be lost to me again if I did.
+
+"Like a blessing from above the hand rested upon my head. Supreme
+gratitude filled my breast. I seized the hand which trembled in mine
+and pressed my lips upon it long and passionately.
+
+"'What are you doing there, sister--what are you doing?' I heard her
+tired, slightly veiled voice.
+
+"I raised myself up. There she lay before me, pale and thin-faced, with
+dark hollows round her eyes, in which tears were glistening. Like a
+flake of snow she lay there, so delicate and so white; blue, swollen
+veins were traceable on her wan neck, and on her forehead, which seemed
+to shine as with a light from within, there stood beads of
+perspiration. She was aged and worn since I had last seen her, and it
+did not seem as if the crisis of the birth alone had acted
+destructively upon her. But her smile remained the same as of old, that
+loving, comforting, blessing-dispensing smile, with which she helped
+every one, even though she herself might be utterly helpless.
+
+"'And now you will not go away again,' she said, looking at me as if
+she could never gaze her fill; 'you will stay with us--for always.
+Promise it me--promise it me now at once!'
+
+"I was silent. Happiness had come upon me, burning like a fire from
+heaven. It tortured me, it hurt me.
+
+"'Do help me to entreat her, Robert.' she began anew.
+
+"I started. I had entirely forgotten him, and now his presence acted
+upon me like a reproach.
+
+"'Give me time to consider it--till to-morrow.' I said, raising
+myself up. A dark presentiment awoke within me that here would be no
+abiding-place for me for long. Such happiness would have been too great
+for me, unhappy being, whom fate mercilessly drove among strangers.
+
+"I saw that Martha was anxious to spare my feelings.
+
+"'Till to-morrow, then.' she said softly, and squeezed my hand; 'and
+to-morrow you will have found out how necessary you are to us, and that
+we should be crazy if we let you go away again; isn't it so, Robert?'
+
+"'Of course--why, of course!' he said, and with that burst into a laugh
+which sounded to me strangely forced. He evidently did not feel
+comfortable in the presence of us two. And soon after he took up his
+cap and showed signs of going off quietly.
+
+"'Won't you show her our child?' whispered Martha, and a smile of
+unutterable bliss spread over her wasted features.
+
+"'Come.' he said, 'it sleeps in the next room.'
+
+"He preceded me. With difficulty he pushed his huge figure through the
+half-open door.
+
+"There stood the cradle, lit up by the red rays of the setting sun.
+From among the pillows there peeped a little copper-coloured head,
+hardly larger than an apple. The wrinkled eyelids were closed, and in
+the little mouth was stuck one of the tiny fists, its fingers
+contracted, as if in a cramp.
+
+"My glance travelled stealthily up from the child to its father. He had
+folded his hands. Devoutly he looked down upon this little human being.
+An uncertain smile, half-pleased, half-embarrassed, played about his
+lips.
+
+"Now, for the first time, I was able to contemplate him calmly. The
+purple evening rays lay bright upon his face, and brought to light,
+plainly and distinctly, the furrows and wrinkles which the three last
+years had graven upon it. Shades of gloomy care rested upon his brow,
+his eyes had lost their lustre, and round about his mouth a twitching
+seemed to speak to me of dull submission and impotent defiance.
+
+"Unutterable pity welled up within me. I felt as if I must grasp his
+hands and say to him, 'Confide in me--I am strong; let me share your
+trouble.' Then, when he raised his eyes, I was terrified lest he should
+have noticed my glance, and hastily kneeling down in front of the
+cradle, I pressed my lips upon the little face, which started as if in
+pain at my touch.
+
+"When I got up I saw that he had left the room.
+
+"Martha's eyes shone in anxious expectation when she saw me. She wanted
+to hear her child admired.
+
+"'Isn't it pretty?' she whispered, and stretched out her weak arms
+towards me.
+
+"And when her mother's heart was satiated with pride, she bade me sit
+down beside her on the pillows and nestled with her head up to my knee,
+so that it almost came to lie in my lap.
+
+"'Oh, how cool that is!' she murmured, closed her eyes, and breathed
+deeply and quietly as if asleep. With my handkerchief I wiped the
+perspiration from her forehead.
+
+"She nodded gratefully, and said: 'I am just a little exhausted yet,
+and my limbs feel as if they were broken; but I hope to be able to get
+up again to-morrow, and look after the household.'
+
+"'For heaven's sake, what are you dreaming of?' I cried, horrified.
+
+"She sighed. 'I must--I must. It does not let me rest.'
+
+"'What does not let you rest?'
+
+"She did not answer, and then suddenly she began to weep bitterly.
+
+"I calmed her, I kissed the tears from her lashes and cheeks, and
+implored her to pour out her heart to me. 'Are you not happy? Isn't he
+good to you?'
+
+"'He is as good to me as God's mercy; but I am not happy--I am
+wretched, sister; so wretched that I cannot describe it to you.'
+
+"'And why, in all the world?'
+
+"'I am afraid!'
+
+"'Of what?'
+
+"'That I--make him unhappy; that I am not the right one for him.'
+
+"A sudden icy coldness ran through me. It seemed to emanate from her
+body upon mine.
+
+"'You see, you feel it too!' she whispered, and looked up at me with
+great frightened eyes.
+
+"'You are foolish.' I said, and forced myself to laugh; but the
+chillness did not leave my limbs. A dark suspicion told me that perhaps
+she might be right. But now it was for me to comfort her!
+
+"'However could you give way to such silly self-torture?' I cried.
+'Does not his behaviour at all times prove to you how wrong you are?'
+
+"'I know, what I know,' she answered, softly; with that obstinacy of
+endurance which is given as a weapon to the weak. 'And what I am now
+telling you, does not date from to-day--the fear is years old; I had it
+in my heart already before I was engaged to him, and I quite well knew
+at that time why I refused him--for very love!'
+
+"'Martha, Martha!' I cried, reproachfully; 'it seems to me that you
+concealed a great deal from me.'
+
+"'At that time I did tell you everything,' she replied. 'You only would
+not believe me; you wanted to make me happy by force, and later why
+should I say anything? On paper everything sounds so different from
+what one means; you might even have thought you discovered a reproach
+against him or even against yourself, and naturally I could not risk
+such a misunderstanding growing up. My misery already began on the
+first day when we arrived here. I saw how he and his mother fell out,
+and a voice within me cried: "You are the cause of it." I saw how he
+grew sadder and gloomier from day to day, and again and again I said in
+my heart: "You are the cause of it." At nights I lay awake at his side,
+and tortured myself with the thought: why are you so dull and so
+depressing, and why can you do nothing but cling to him weeping, and
+suffer doubly when you see him suffering? Why have you not learnt to
+greet him with a song as soon as he comes in, and with a laugh to kiss
+away the wrinkles from his brow? And more than this. Why are you not
+proud, and strong, and wise, and why can you not say to him: Take
+refuge with me, when you are fainthearted--from me you shall derive new
+strength, and I will take care that you do not stumble. This is how you
+would have done, sister--no--do not contradict me; often enough I have
+imagined how you would have stood there with your tall figure, and
+would have opened out your arms to him so that he might seek shelter
+within them, like in a harbour where storms do not dare to enter....
+But look at _me_'--and she cast a pitiable glance at her poor, delicate
+frame, the haggard outlines of which were traceable beneath the
+coverlet--'would it not sound ridiculous if I were to say anything of
+the sort? I, who am almost submerged in his arms, so small and weak am
+I,--I am only here to seek shelter; to give shelter is not in my
+power.... Do you see; all this I have thought out in the long, dark
+nights, and have grown more and more despondent. And in the mornings I
+forced myself to laugh, and tried to pass for a sort of cheerful, happy
+little bird, for this _role_, I thought to myself, is the most suitable
+one for you, and is most likely to please him; but song and laughter
+stuck in my throat, and I daresay he could see it too, for he smiled
+pitifully to it all, so that I felt doubly ashamed.'
+
+"She stopped exhausted, and hid her face in my dress, then she
+continued:
+
+"'And as that would not do, I tried at least to compensate him in other
+ways. You know that all my life I have toiled and moiled, but never
+have I worked so hard as in these three years. And when I felt myself
+growing faint and my knees threatened to give way under me, the thought
+spurred me on again: "Show that at least you are of _some_ good to him;
+do not ever let him become conscious of how little he possesses in
+you.... But of what avail is it all! My efforts are not the least good.
+Everything goes topsy-turvy all the same, as soon as ever I turn my
+back. I am constantly in terror lest one day my management should no
+longer suffice him."'
+
+"Thus the poor creature lamented, and I felt positively frightened at
+so much misery.
+
+"'Listen, I have a favour to ask of you,' she begged at last, and
+clutched my hands; 'do try and sound him as to whether he is--is
+satisfied with me, and then come and tell me.'
+
+"I drew her to me; I lavished loving epithets upon her, and endeavoured
+to soothe away her fear and trouble. Eagerly she drank in every one of
+my words; her feverishly glowing eyes hung spellbound upon my lips, and
+from time to time a feeble sigh escaped her.
+
+"'Oh, if I had always had you near me!' she cried, stroking my hands.
+But then a fresh idea seemed to make her despondent again. I urged her,
+but she would not put it into words, until at length it came out with
+stuttering and stammering.
+
+"'You will do everything a thousand times better than I; you will show
+him what he _might_ have had, and what he _has_. Through you he will
+finally realise what a miserable creature I am.'
+
+"I was alarmed; then I felt plainly: my dream of possessing a home was
+already dreamed out. How could I remain in this place, when my own
+sister was consuming herself with jealous anxiety on my account?
+
+"She felt herself that she had pained me; stretching up her thin arms
+to my neck, she said: 'You must not misunderstand me, Olga. What I feel
+is not jealousy; I am so little jealous, that I have no more ardent
+wish than that you two should become united after my death, and----'
+
+"'After your death!' I cried, in horror. 'Martha, you are sinning
+against yourself!'
+
+"She smiled in mournful resignation.
+
+"'I know that better than you.' she said. 'My vital strength has been
+broken for a long time. The long waiting in those days already undid
+me. Now, of course, I thought that with this birth all would be nicely
+at an end, and that is why I longed so for you, because I wanted first
+to arrange everything clearly between you two. But, however things may
+turn out, it won't be long before I have to give in and die, and before
+then I want to feel sure that I am leaving him and the child in good
+keeping.'
+
+"I shuddered, and then a sudden lassitude came over me. I felt as if I
+must throw myself down at the bedside and weep, and weep--weep my very
+heart out. Then from the next room came the crying of the child, which
+had woke up and wanted its nurse. I drew a deep breath, and bethought
+myself of the duty which was imposed upon me.
+
+"'Do you hear, Martha? 'I cried. 'You are ready to despair when Heaven
+has bestowed on you the greatest blessing that a woman can know?
+Through your child you will raise yourself up anew; its young life will
+also bring new strength to yours.'
+
+"Her eyes shone for an instant, then she sank back and smilingly closed
+her lids. The feeling of motherhood was the only one capable of winging
+her hope.
+
+"Once more she opened her lips, and murmured something. I bent down to
+her, and asked: 'What is it, sister?'
+
+"'I should like to be of some use in the world,' she said with a sigh,
+and with this thought she fell asleep.
+
+"It had grown pitch dark when Robert entered the room. In sudden fright
+I started up. A feeling seized me as if I must hide away, and flee from
+him to the ends of the earth: 'He must not find you; he shall not find
+you!' a voice within me cried. My cheeks were flaming, and a vague fear
+arose in me lest their tell-tale glow might gleam through the darkness.
+
+"He approached the bed, listened for a while to Martha's quiet
+breathing, and then said softly: 'Come, Olga! You are tired; eat
+something, and go to rest, too.'
+
+"I should have liked to remonstrate, for I was afraid of being alone
+with him; but in order not to wake my sleeping sister, I obeyed
+silently.
+
+"The dining-room was a vast, whitewashed apartment, packed full of
+old-fashioned furniture, which kept guard along the walls like
+crouching giants. Under the hanging-lamp stood a table with two covers
+laid.
+
+"'I let the household finish their meal first,' said Robert, turning
+towards me, 'for I did not want to bother you with strange faces.' With
+that he threw himself heavily into an arm-chair, rested his chin on his
+hand, and stared into the salt-cellar.
+
+"Why, you are not eating anything!' he said, after a while. I shook my
+head. I could not for the life of me have swallowed a morsel, though
+hunger was gnawing at my entrails. The sight of him positively
+paralysed me.
+
+"Renewed silence.
+
+"'How do you find her?' he asked at length.
+
+"'I do not know,' said I, speaking by main force, 'whether I ought to
+be pleased or anxious!'
+
+"'Why anxious?' he asked, quickly, and in his eyes there gleamed an
+indefinite fear.
+
+"'She tortures herself----'
+
+"A look of rapid understanding flew across to me, a look which said:
+'Do you also know that already? Then he raised his fist, stretched
+himself and sighed. His bushy hair had fallen over his forehead. The
+bitter lines about his mouth grew deeper.
+
+"I was alarmed--alarmed at myself. Did not what I had just said sound
+like an accusation against Martha; did it not provoke an accusation
+against her?
+
+"'She loves you much too much.' I replied, biting my lips. I knew I
+should pain him, and I meant to do so.
+
+"He started and looked at me for a while in open astonishment; then he
+nodded several times to himself and said, 'You are right with your
+reproach, she does love me much too much.'
+
+"Then I should already have liked to ask his forgiveness again. Surely
+he did not deserve my malice! His soul was pure and clear as the
+sunlight, and it was only within me that there was darkness. I felt as
+if I must choke with suppressed tears. I saw that I could not contain
+myself any longer, and rose quickly.
+
+"'Good-night, Robert.' I said, without giving him my hand; 'I am
+overtired--must go to bed--leave me--one of the servants will show me
+my way. Leave me--I tell you!'
+
+"I screamed out the last words as if in anger, so that he stopped
+perturbed. In the cool, semi-obscure corridor I began to feel calmer.
+For a time I walked up and down breathing heavily, then I fetched one
+of the maids to show me the way.
+
+"'Mistress arranged everything in the room herself yet, and gave orders
+that no one was to touch it. There is a letter, too, for you, miss.'
+
+"When I was alone, I held survey. My good, dear sister! She had
+faithfully remembered my slightest wishes, every one of my little
+habits of formerly, and had thought out everything that could make my
+room as cosy and homely as possible. Nothing was wanting of the things
+which I prized in those days. Over the bed hung a red-flowered curtain
+exactly like the one beneath the hangings of which I had dreamed my
+first girlish dreams; on the window-sill stood geraniums and cyclamen,
+such as I had always tended, on the walls hung the same pictures upon
+which my glance had been wont to rest at waking, on the shelves stood
+the same books from which my soul had derived its first food of love.
+
+"'Iphigenia,' which in those bright calm days had been my favourite
+poem, lay open on the table. Ah, good heavens! how long it already was
+since I had read in it, for how long already had I passed it by,
+because the calm dignity of the holy priestess pained my soul.
+
+"Between the leaves was placed the letter of which the girl had told
+me. A gentle presentiment, a presentiment of new, undeserved love came
+over me as I tore open the envelope and read:--
+
+
+"'My Darling Sister,--When you enter this room I shall not be able to
+bid you welcome. I shall then be lying ill, and perhaps even my lips
+will be closed for ever. You will find everything as you used to have
+it at home. It has been prepared for you a long time already everything
+was awaiting you. Whether sorrow or joy may attend you here, lie down
+to rest in peace and fall asleep with the consciousness that you have
+entered your home. Try and learn to love Robert as he will learn to
+love you. Then all must turn out well yet, whether God leaves me with
+you or takes me to Himself.
+
+                                  "'Your sister
+
+                                              "'Martha.'
+
+
+"It was nothing new that she said to me here, and yet this touchingly
+simple proof of her love took such powerful hold of me, that at the
+first moment I only had the one feeling, that I must rush to her
+bedside and confess to her how unworthy was the being to whom she
+offered the shelter of her heart and home.
+
+"For I was no longer in doubt: the ill-fated passion which I believed I
+had uprooted from my soul, had once more profusely sprung into growth;
+the wounds, healed up long ago, had opened anew at the first sight of
+him; I felt as if my warm blood were gushing out from them in streams.
+Hushing-up and concealment were no longer possible; the vague charm of
+dawning impressions, the sweet abandon to the intoxication of youth,
+were things of the past; the bare, glaring light of matured knowledge,
+the rigid barriers of strict self-restraint had taken their place. Yes,
+I loved him, loved him with such ardour, such pain, as only a heart can
+love which has been steeled by the glow of hatred and suffering. And
+not since to-day, not since yesterday! I had grown up with this love, I
+had clung to it in secret heart's desire, my whole being had derived
+its strength from it, with it I stood and fell, in it lay my life and
+my death.
+
+"What did I care whether he deserved it, whether he understood me! He
+was not intended to understand it. And not he, it was I who must gain a
+right to this love. I knew too well at this hour that I should never be
+able to banish it from my heart. The question was to submit to it, as
+one submits to eternal fate; but it must not become a sin. It should
+live on purely, in a pure heart.
+
+"And surely I had not been called in vain to this house! A mission, a
+great holy mission awaited me. Martha should perceive forthwith that a
+beneficent genius was watching over her home. Through me she should
+learn actively to utilise the love by which she was consumed, for the
+good of her loved one; through me her courage should be revived and her
+soul receive new strength. How I would support and comfort her in dark
+despondent hours! How I would force myself to laugh when a tearful mood
+troubled the atmosphere! How I would banish the clouds from their
+gloomy brows with daring jests, and anxiously take care that there
+should always remain a last little remnant of sunshine within these
+walls!
+
+"My life should pass away void of desire, happy only in the happiness
+of my loved ones, discreet, resigned and faithful. I need no longer
+seek to avoid Iphigenia's image, for the holy and dignified office of
+priestess was awaiting me also.
+
+"With this pious thought the revolt in my soul disappeared; with it I
+fell asleep.
+
+"When I awoke on the first morning, I felt contented, almost happy, A
+holy calm had come over me, such as I had not known since time
+immemorial. I knew that henceforth I should not have to fear even
+meeting _him_.
+
+"Martha was still asleep. When I looked through the chink of the door
+into her room, I saw her lying with her head thrown far back on the
+pillow, and heard her short heavy breathing.
+
+"I crept away, quite easy in my mind, to take up my office as
+housekeeper forthwith.
+
+"'She shall no longer work herself to death,' I said to myself, and
+rejoiced in my heart. I spent fully an hour going the round of the
+premises, during which I formally took the management into my hands.
+The old housekeeper showed herself willing, and the servants treated me
+with respect. I should anyhow soon have enforced it for myself.
+
+"At the breakfast-table I met Robert. A slight palpitation, which
+overcame me on entering, ceased forthwith when I bethought myself of my
+yesterday's vow. Calmly, firmly looking into his eyes, I stepped up to
+him and gave him my hand.
+
+"'Is Martha still asleep?' I asked.
+
+"He shook his head. 'I have sent for the doctor.' he said, 'she has
+passed a bad night--the excitement of seeing you again seems not to
+have done her good.'
+
+"I felt somewhat alarmed; but my great resolve had so filled me with
+peace and happiness, that I would not give way to fear.
+
+"'Will you help yourself?' I asked, 'I should meanwhile like to look
+after her.'
+
+"When I entered her room, I found her still lying in the same position
+in which I had left her early in the morning, and as I approached the
+bed, I saw that she was staring up at the ceiling with wide-opened
+eyes.
+
+"I called out her name in terror; then a feeble smile came over her
+face, and feebly she turned towards me and looked into my eyes.
+
+"'Are you not feeling well, Martha?'
+
+"She shook her head wearily, and drew up her fingers slightly. That
+meant to say: 'Come and sit by me!'
+
+"And when I had taken her head in my arm a shudder suddenly ran through
+her whole body. Her teeth chattered audibly: 'Give me a warm cover.'
+she whispered, 'I am shivering so.' I did as she bade me, and once more
+sat down at her side. She clutched my hands, as if to warm herself by
+them.
+
+"'Have you slept well?' she asked, in the same hoarse falsetto voice
+which was quite strange to me in her. I nodded, and felt a hot sense of
+shame burn within me. What was my grand unselfish resolve, compared
+with this sort of noble self-forgetfulness, which was evident in every
+act, however great or small, and was inspired by the same love for
+everything? And I even prided myself on my lofty sentiments, conceited
+egotist that I was.
+
+"'How did you like the arrangement of your room?' she asked once more,
+while a gleam of slight playfulness broke from her mild, sad eyes.
+
+"In lieu of answer, I imprinted a grateful, humble kiss upon her lips.
+
+"'Yes, kiss me! Kiss me once more!' she said. 'Your mouth is so nice
+and hot, it warms one's body and soul through.' And again she shivered
+with cold.
+
+"A little later Robert came in.
+
+"'Get yourself ready, my child.' he said, stroking Martha's cheeks,
+'our uncle, the doctor, is here.'
+
+"Then he beckoned to me and I followed him out of the room. By the
+cradle of the new-born babe I found an old man, with a grey stubbly
+beard, a red snub nose, and a pair of clever, sharp eyes, with which he
+examined me smilingly through his shining spectacles.
+
+"'So this is she?' he said, and gave me his hand. My blood rushed to my
+heart; at the first glance I saw that here was some one who felt as a
+friend towards me, in whom I might place implicit confidence.
+
+"'God grant that you have come at a good moment,' he continued, 'and we
+shall see at once if such is the case. Take me to her, Robert; I don't
+suppose it is so bad.'
+
+"I was left alone with the nurse and the child, which restlessly moved
+its little fists about.
+
+"'To your happiness also I will earn a claim.' I thought to myself, and
+stroked the round bare little head, on which a few hardly visible silky
+hairs trembled. Yesterday I had hardly had a glance for the little
+being, to-day, as I gazed at it, my heart swelled with unutterable
+tenderness. 'Thus much purer and better have you grown since
+yesterday.' I said to myself.
+
+"A long time, an alarmingly long time elapsed before the door of the
+adjoining room opened again. It was the doctor who came out from it--he
+alone. He looked stern and forbidding, and his jaws were working as if
+he had something to grind between them.
+
+"'I have sent him away,' he said, 'must speak to you alone.' Then
+he took me by the hand and led me to the dining-room, where the
+coffee-machine was still steaming.
+
+"'I have great respect for you, my young lady,' he began, and wiped the
+drops of perspiration from his forehead; 'according to everything I
+have heard about you, you must be a capital fellow, and capable of
+bearing the pain, if a certain cloven hoof gives you a treacherous
+kick.'
+
+"'Leave the preface, if you please, doctor.' said I, feeling how I grew
+pale.
+
+"'Very well! Prefaces are not to my taste either. Your sister'----and
+now, after all, he hesitated.
+
+"'My sister--is--in--danger--doctor!' I had wished to prove myself
+strong, but my knees trembled under me. I clutched at the edge of the
+table to keep myself from falling.
+
+"'That's right--courage--courage!' he muttered, laying his hand on my
+shoulder. 'It has come--this unwelcome guest--the fever; there is no
+getting away from it any more.'
+
+"I bit my lips. He should not see me tremble. I had often enough heard
+of the danger of childbed fever, even if I could not form for myself
+any idea of its terrors.
+
+"'Does Robert know?' that was the first thing that entered my mind.
+
+"He shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head. 'I was afraid he
+would lose his head--I hardly told him half the truth.'
+
+"'And what is the _whole_ truth?' Standing up fully erect I looked into
+his eyes.
+
+"He was silent.
+
+"'Will she die?'
+
+"When he found that from the first I was prepared to face the worst, he
+gave a sigh of relief. But I did not hear his reply, for after I had,
+apparently calmly, uttered the gruesome words, I suddenly saw once more
+before my eyes, with terrible vividness, that vision of my girlish
+days, when I had found Martha lying like a corpse on the sofa. I
+felt as if the nails of a dead hand were digging themselves into my
+breast--before my eyes I saw bloody streaks--I uttered a cry--then I
+felt as if a voice called out to me:--'Help, save, give your own life
+to preserve hers!' With a sudden jerk I pulled myself together; I had
+once more found my strength.
+
+"'Doctor,' I said, 'if she dies, I lose the only thing I possess in the
+world, and lose myself with her. But as long as you can make use of me
+I will never flinch. Therefore conceal nothing from me. I must have
+certainty.'
+
+"'Certainty, my dear child.' he replied, grasping my hands, 'certainty
+there will not be till her convalescence or her last moments. Even at
+the worst point there may always be a change for the better yet, how
+much more then now, when the illness is still in its first stage! Of
+course she has not much vital strength left to stake--that is the
+saddest part of it. But perhaps we shall succeed in mastering the evil
+at its commencement, and then everything would be won.'
+
+"'What can I do to help?' I cried, and stretched out my clasped hands
+towards him. 'Ask of me what you will! Even if I could only save her
+with my own life, I should still have much to make amends for towards
+her.'
+
+"He looked at me in astonishment. How should he have been able to
+understand me!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And now I have come to the hardest part of my task. Since a week I
+keep sneaking round these pages, without venturing to take up my pen.
+Horror seizes me, when I consider _what_ is awaiting me. And yet it
+will be salutary for me once more to recall to my memory those fearful
+three days and nights, especially now, when something of a softer,
+tenderer feeling seems to be taking root in my heart. Away with it!
+Away with every cajoling thought which speaks to me of happiness and
+peace. I am destined for solitude and resignation, and if I should ever
+forget this, the history of those three days shall once more remind me
+of it.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When I pulled my chair up to my sister's bedside to take up my post as
+nurse, I found she had dropped off to sleep. But this was not the sleep
+which invigorates and prepares the way for convalescence; like a
+nightmare it seemed to lie upon her and to press down her eyelids by
+force. Her bosom rose and fell as if impelled from within and repelled
+from without. The little waxen-pale, blue-lined face lay half buried in
+the pillows, across which her scanty fair plaits crept like small
+snakes. I covered my face with my hands. I could not bear the sight.
+
+"The hours of the day passed by ... She slept and slept and did not
+think of waking up.
+
+"From time to time I heard the servants' footsteps as they softly crept
+past outside--everything else was quiet and lonely. Of Robert no trace.
+
+"At mid-day I felt I must ask after him. They had seen him go out in
+the morning into the fields, with his dogs following him. So for hours
+he had been wandering about in the rain.
+
+"As the clock struck three he entered, streaming wet, with lustreless
+eyes, and his damp unkempt hair matted on his forehead. He must have
+been suffering horribly. I was about to approach him, to say a word of
+comfort to him, but I did not dare to do so. The scared, gloomy look
+which he cast towards me, said distinctly enough: 'What do you want of
+me? Leave me alone with my sorrow.'
+
+"Clutching at one of the bed-posts he stood there, and stared down upon
+her while he gnawed his lips. Then he went out--silently, as he had
+come.
+
+"Again two hours passed in silence and waiting. The carbolic vapours
+which rose from the bowl before me began to make my head ache. I cooled
+my brow at the window-panes, and unconsciously watched the play of the
+dead leaves as they were whirled up in little circles towards the
+window.
+
+"It already began to grow dark, when suddenly, outside in the corridor,
+was heard the lamenting and screaming of a female voice--so loud, that
+even the sleeper started up painfully for a moment. An angry flush flew
+to my face. I was on the point of hurrying out in order to turn away
+this disturber of peace, but already at the opened door I came into
+collision with her.
+
+"At the first glance I recognised this red, bloated face, these little
+malicious eyes. Who else could it have been but she, the best of all
+aunts and mothers?
+
+"'At length,' a voice within me cried--'at length I shall stand face to
+face with you!'
+
+"'So you are Olga,' she cried, always in the same shrill, whining
+tones, which seemed to yell through the whole house. 'How do you do, my
+little dear? Ah, what a misfortune! Is it really true? I am quite
+beside myself!'
+
+"'I beg of you, dear aunt,' said I, folding my arms, 'to be beside
+yourself somewhere else, but to modify your voice in the sick room.'
+
+"She stopped short. In all my life I shall never forget the venomous
+look which she gave me.
+
+"But now she knew with whom she had to deal. She took up the gauntlet
+at once too. 'It is very good of you, my child,' she said, and her
+voice suddenly sounded as metallic as a war-trumpet, 'that you are so
+anxious about my poor, ailing daughter; but now you can go--you have
+become superfluous; I shall stay here myself.'
+
+"'Wait; you shall soon know that you have found your match.' I inwardly
+cried; and, drawing myself up to my full height, I replied, with my
+most freezing smile: 'You are mistaken, dear aunt; every _stranger_ has
+been strictly prohibited from visiting my sister. So I must beg of you
+to withdraw to the next room.'
+
+"Her face grew ashy pale, her fingers twitched convulsively, I think
+she could have strangled me on the spot; but she went, and good,
+lackadaisical uncle, who was always dangling three paces behind her,
+went with her.
+
+"In sheer triumph I laughed out loud: 'What should you want, you
+mercenary souls, in this temple of pain? Out with you!'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"It grew night. Like a streak of fire the last red rays of the setting
+sun lay over the town, the towers of which stood out black and pointed
+in the glow. For a long time I watched the fiery clouds, till darkness
+had buried them also in its lap.
+
+"The clock struck nine. Then the old doctor came. He sat for a long
+time in silence on my chair, stroked my hand at parting, and said:
+'Continue--carbolic--all night!' In answer to my anxiously questioning
+look, he had nothing but a doubtful shrug of the shoulders.
+
+"From somewhere, two or three rooms away, I heard Robert's voice
+talking at the old man. This was the first sign that he too was in the
+proximity of the sick-bed. 'Why ever does he stay outside?' I asked
+myself; 'it really almost seems as if admission were prohibited.'
+
+"The clock struck ten. Silence all around. The household seemed gone to
+rest.
+
+"The wind rattled at the garden railings. It sounded as if some late
+guest wished to enter. Was death already creeping round the house? Was
+he already counting the grains of sand in his hour-glass?
+
+"Desperate defiance seized me. Without knowing what I did, I rushed
+towards the door, as if to throw myself in the path of the threatening
+demon.
+
+"Ill-fated creature, I, that I did not suspect what other demon sat
+lurking in front of that one, on the threshold!
+
+"A few minutes later Robert entered. Not a word, not a greeting--again
+only that swift, scared look which once already had cut me to the
+quick. With his heavy, swaying gait he walked up to the bedside,
+grasped her hand--that hot, wasted hand, with its bluish nails--and
+stared down upon it. And then he sat down in the darkest corner, behind
+the stove, and crouched there for two long, long hours.
+
+"With beating heart I waited for him to address me, but he was as
+silent as before.
+
+"Soon after midnight he left the room. For a long time yet I heard him
+walking up and down outside in the corridor, and, at the muffled sound
+of his tramping footsteps, another night came into my mind, when I had
+listened, no less trembling in fear and hope, to the same sound. Worlds
+lay between then and now, and the young, foolish creature who had then
+hearkened out into the darkness, burning with the desire to help and to
+sacrifice herself, now appeared to me like a strange, radiant being
+from some distant, shining planet.
+
+"The footsteps grew less distinct. He had gone back to his room.
+
+"'Will he return again?' I asked myself, putting my ear to the keyhole.
+'In any case he cannot sleep.' And I started joyfully when the sound
+once more increased.
+
+"And then the thought came to me, 'What concern is it of yours whether
+he returns or not? Are you here in this place for his sake? Is not your
+happiness, your life, your all, lying here before you?'
+
+"I fell down by the bedside, and, covering Martha's hands with kisses,
+I implored her to have mercy--that I wanted to speak to her--that it
+was bursting my heart-strings--that it was stifling me--that I should
+suffocate.
+
+"But she did not wake. Doubled up with pain she lay there, a miserable
+little heap of bones. On her cheek-bones were little flaming spots. Her
+breath panted. Once she moved her lips as if to speak, but the words
+died away in a toneless gurgling.
+
+"What a terrible silence all around! The clock ticked, along the wall
+by the casement the wind passed softly moaning, and from the other room
+sounded the muffled tramp of the wanderer--all else still.
+
+"And suddenly it seemed to me as if in this stillness I heard the blood
+in my own body seething and boiling. I listened. Evidently that was my
+blood rushing wildly through my veins.
+
+"'Why is its flow not quiet and well-behaved,' I asked myself, 'in
+accordance with my great resolve? Is not this sin torn out with all its
+roots--burnt out by a thousand purifying fires? Do I not stand here as
+the priestess, void of desire, pure and blessed?'
+
+"And again I listened! These are hallucinations, I told myself, and yet
+I grew afraid at the gushing and rushing, which seemed to increase with
+every minute. I saw a stream which carried me away in its torrents--a
+stream of blood! A rock with sheer points jutted out from it. Thereon a
+word stood written with flaming letters, the word 'Bloodguiltiness.'
+
+"The footsteps grew louder. I jumped up.... He came, seated himself on
+the pillow, wiped the perspiration from her forehead with the flat of
+his hand, and passed his fingers through her hair.
+
+"Stealthily I watched him. I hardly dared to breathe any more. His eyes
+gleamed bloodshot in their sockets. His lips were pressed together in
+bitter reproach. He sat there as if petrified with unuttered pain. The
+desire to approach him shook me like a fit of ague. But when I was on
+the point of rising, it was as if two iron fists laid themselves upon
+my shoulders and forced me back on to my chair.
+
+"At length I spoke his name, and was startled, so strange, so weird did
+the sound of my own voice appear to me. He turned round and stared at
+me.
+
+"'Robert,' I said, 'why do you not speak to me? You will feel easier if
+you let some one else share what is oppressing you.'
+
+"Then he jumped up and grasped both my hands. His touch made me feel
+hot and cold all over. But I forced myself to keep my ground, and
+firmly looked into his face.
+
+"'That is the first good word that you have vouchsafed me, Olga.' he
+said.
+
+"'What do you mean by that, Robert?' I stammered. 'Have I been unkind
+towards you?'
+
+"'Only unkind?' he replied. 'Like a stranger, like an intruder you have
+treated me, and have driven me from the bedside of my wife.'
+
+"'Heaven forbid!' I cry, and free myself from him, for I feel I am
+about to sink upon his breast.
+
+"And he continues, 'Olga, if ever I did you any wrong--I know not what,
+but it must be so, else your look and manner would not be so stern and
+forbidding towards me--if I did you any wrong, Olga, it was not my
+fault. I always meant well towards you. I have--you might always have
+been here like at home; you need never have gone among strangers; and
+in the presence of that one whom we both love----'
+
+"Why must he mention her name to me? A wild joy had flamed up within
+me; I felt as if I had wings; then her name struck me like the cut of a
+whip. I bit my lips till they bled. Indeed I would be calm, would act
+the guardian angel.
+
+"'Robert,' said I, 'you have been gravely mistaken about me. I never
+bore you any ill-will. Only I have grown reserved and defiant among
+strangers. You must have patience with me--must trust me. Will you?'
+
+"Then it broke from his eyes like sunshine. 'I have so much to thank
+you for already, Olga,' he said; 'how could I do otherwise than
+continue to trust you? You know, since that day when we rode together
+into the wood, do you remember?'--ah, did I remember indeed!--'since
+that day I have loved you like a sister, yes, more than all my sisters.
+And at the same time I looked up to you and revered you like my
+guardian spirit. That is indeed what you have been to me. You will be
+so in future, too, won't you?'
+
+"I nodded silently, and pressed both my hands to my bosom; then, when
+he noticed it, I let them drop, but I staggered back three paces; it
+was a miracle that I kept myself upright.
+
+"He stepped up to me in alarm. 'I am tired,' I said, and forced myself
+to smile. 'Come, we will sit down; the night is long yet.'
+
+"So we both sat opposite each other at the foot of the bed, with the
+narrow bedstead between us, rested our arms on the ledge, and looked
+across at Martha's face, which moved with cramp-like twitchings. Her
+eyelids seemed closed, deep shadows from her lashes fell across her
+cheeks; but, on bending down, one could see the whites of the eyes
+gleaming with a faint sheen, like mother-of-pearl, in their dark
+sockets. He observed it too.
+
+"'As if she had already died,' he murmured, and buried his head in his
+hands. 'And if she dies,' he continued, 'she will not die through the
+child, not through this wretched fever; through my fault alone, Olga,
+she will perish!'
+
+"'For God's sake, what are you saying?' I cried, stretching out my arms
+towards him.
+
+"He nodded and smiled bitterly.
+
+"'I have seen it very well, Olga, all through these three years; over
+and over again it is my fault. First, I left her longing and fearing
+between hope and despair for seven long years, till the strength was
+drained in this way from her body and soul--heaven knows she never had
+much to spare; and then I dragged her with her sickly body and broken
+spirit here into this misery, where all were hostile to her, and those
+most hostile who should have held her most dear. And I myself!--yes, if
+I myself had been brave and of good cheer, if I could have guarded her
+that her foot might not dash against any stone, if I had spread
+sunshine across her path, then perhaps she might have flourished at my
+side. But I was often rough and surly, stormed and raged in the house
+and the farm, never thinking how every loud word made her start, so
+that she already grew pale if I only frowned. Look at this little
+handful of life, how it lies here; and then look at me, the great,
+uncouth, coarse-grained giant! Sometimes in the night when I woke, I
+was afraid lest I might possibly crush her in my arms. And, after all,
+I have crushed her! What I required was a wife, strong and----'
+
+"He stopped short, terrified, and cast a glance, which eloquently
+pleaded for forgiveness, towards Martha's face, but I completed his
+sentence for myself.
+
+"When he had left the room a wild feeling of joy seized me. It rushed
+through my head like a whirlwind; it confused my senses; my pride, my
+defiance, my self-respect, everything seemed to be swallowed up in it.
+
+"The atmosphere of the sick room lay heavily upon me, like a
+suffocating cloth. My brain was burning with the carbolic vapours which
+rose up from the bowl in front of me. My breath began to fail me.
+
+"I fled to the window, and pressing my forehead against the sash, I
+drank in the cold night air which found its way into the room through
+the chinks. Morning dawned through the curtains--cold-grey--enveloped
+in fog.... Faintly gleaming clouds slowly heaved upwards on the horizon
+and threw a fallow sheen over the dripping trees, which seemed to have
+grown still more bare overnight.
+
+"What a night!
+
+"And how many, worse than this one, are about to follow? What phantoms,
+begotten of darkness, born in horror, will rise up before my fevered
+senses as the nights come on?
+
+"Shivering, I crept into a corner. I was afraid of myself.
+
+"The hours of the morning passed away, and by degrees I grew calmer.
+The memory of this night, with its feverish turmoil and pangs of
+conscience, waxed dim. What I had experienced and felt became a dream,
+A leaden weariness took possession of me; I closed my eyes and thought
+about nothing.
+
+"And then came a blissful hour. It was towards ten o'clock when Martha
+suddenly opened her faithful blue eyes and looked up at me consciously
+and brightly.
+
+"I felt as if God's eye had turned, full of pity and forgiveness,
+towards me, the sinner. A pure, holy joy streamed through me. I fell
+across my sister's body, and hid my face at her neck.
+
+"In the midst of her pain she began to smile, with an effort placed her
+hand upon my head, and murmured, with hardly audible voice, 'I suppose
+I have been giving you all a great fright?'
+
+"The breath of her words enveloped me like a peace-bringing chant, and
+for a moment I felt as if the burden at my heart must give way--but I
+was unable to weep.
+
+"'How do you feel?' I asked.
+
+"'Well, quite well!' she replied, 'only the sheet weighs so heavily
+upon me!'
+
+"It was the lightest I had been able to find. I told her so; then she
+sighed and said she knew she was a fidget, and I was to have patience
+with her.
+
+"And then she lay again quite still, and constantly looked at me as if
+in a dream. At length she nodded several times and remarked: 'It is
+well thus--quite well!'
+
+"'What is well?" I asked.
+
+"Then she smiled again and was silent. And then the pains returned. She
+shook all over and clenched her teeth, but she did not utter a
+complaint.
+
+"'Shall I call for Robert?' I asked, for terror overwhelmed me anew.
+
+"She nodded. 'And bring the child too,' she murmured.
+
+"I did as she had bid. She had the little creature laid on the bed
+beside her, and looked down at it for a long time. She also made an
+attempt to kiss it, but she was too weak to do so.
+
+"Even before Robert came she had relapsed into her sleep.
+
+"He gave me a reproachful look, and remarked, 'Why did you not send for
+me sooner?'
+
+"'Believe me, it is better thus,' I answered, 'it would have excited
+her too much to see you.'
+
+"'You always seem to know what is best,' said he, and went out,
+fortunately without noticing the glow which suffused my face at his
+praise.
+
+"Now she lay there again unconscious--her cheeks red, and her forehead
+wet with perspiration. And added to that, the gruesome play of her
+lips! They kept on twitching and smacking.
+
+"Towards one o'clock the doctor came, took her temperature, and
+certified a diminution of fever.
+
+"'That will go up and down many a time yet,' he said; nor did he enter
+into our joy over her awakening. 'Do not speak to her when she regains
+consciousness,' he urged, 'and above all, do not allow her to speak
+herself. She needs every atom of her strength.'
+
+"Before he left, he fixed his eyes on me for a long time, and shook his
+head doubtfully. I felt how the consciousness of guilt drove the blood
+to my cheeks. It was as if he could look me through and through.
+
+"... In the afternoon I had fetched myself a book from my room, the
+first I happened to lay my hands upon and tried to read in it; but the
+letters danced before my eyes, and my head buzzed as if it were full of
+bats.
+
+"It was a long time before I could even make out the title. I read
+'Iphigenia.' Then, seized by sudden terror, I flung the book far away
+from me into a corner, as if I had held a burning coal in my hand.
+Towards evening Martha's pains seemed to grow more intense. Several
+times she cried out loud and writhed as if in a cramp.
+
+"While I was busying myself about her, during an attack of this sort,
+the old woman suddenly stood at my side. And as I looked at her with
+her venomous glance, with her studied wringing of hands, and the
+hypocritical droop of her mouth, the thought suddenly came to me--
+
+"'Here is one--who is waiting for Martha's death--who is wishing for
+it.'
+
+"My eyesight seemed dimmed by a red veil, I clenched my fists--I all
+but flung the accusation in her face. And as I stood in front of her,
+still quite petrified by the thought, she took hold of my arm, and
+tried, without much ado, to push me aside, so that she might plant
+herself at Martha's pillow. Perhaps she hoped to intimidate me by this
+unceremonious proceeding.
+
+"'Dear aunt.' said I, removing her hand from my arm, 'I have pointed
+out to you before already that this is my place, and that no one in the
+world shall dispute it with me. I urgently beg of you to restrict your
+visit to the other rooms.'
+
+"'Indeed? We will just wait and see, my little one,' she screeched, 'we
+will just ask the master of the house, who has more to say here, his
+good old mother, or you, vagabond Polish crew?'
+
+"And still screeching, she departed.
+
+"In a very fever of rage I paced the room. Even I should not have
+imagined that this sorrowing mother could so quickly and thoroughly
+change back again into a fury. It only remained for her to give
+expression to her innermost wishes.
+
+"'Oh, if it should be true.' I cried, and horror possessed me. 'To wish
+for Martha's death! Martha, do you hear, to wish for your death! Whom
+have you ever hurt? In whose way have you ever stood? Who lives in the
+world who has ever received aught but love and forgiveness from you? If
+it were true, if any human being should really be so depraved, and
+still wander upon earth with impunity--verily, it would make one
+despair of God and of everything good.'
+
+"Thus I spoke and could not heap enough shame and contumely upon the
+old woman's head.
+
+"And then it struck me that I had been talking myself into a most
+unworthy passion.
+
+"But I felt easier through it, I dared to breathe more freely, and when
+I saw poor, ill-treated 'Iphigenia' lying in the dust, I went and
+picked it up.
+
+"'What crime have I, after all, committed?' I said to myself, 'that I
+should need to hide away from my ideal? Have I done anything but bring
+comfort to one in despair? Has a single look, a single word been
+exchanged, which my sister might not have seen and heard? If it seethes
+and burns in my breast, what concern is that of any one, as long as I
+keep it carefully to myself?'
+
+"Thus I spoke to myself, and considered myself almost justified, even
+before my own conscience. Blind creature that I was!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And once more the gloaming came, once more the setting sun cast its
+red light through the windows.
+
+"Martha's face was bathed in a purple glow, in her hair little lights
+sparkled, and the hand that lay on the coverlet looked as though
+illumined from within.
+
+"I drew the bed-screen closer around her, so that the flimmering rays
+should not trouble her.
+
+"Then I saw hanging on the wall a withered ivy wreath, which I had not
+noticed before, a wreath such as I was wont to send on special
+occasions for our parents' graves. Perhaps that was where this one,
+too, came from. At the present moment it appeared as if woven of
+flames, everything about it lived phantastically. And when I looked
+more closely, it even seemed to me as if it began to revolve, and to
+emit a cascade of sparks, like a real wheel of fire.
+
+"'Dear me, now you are already beginning to see visions,' I said to
+myself, and tried to gain new strength by pacing up and down. But I
+felt so dizzy, that I was obliged to hold on to the chairs--I gasped
+for breath.
+
+"Oh, this smell of carbolic--this sickly-sweet odour! It enveloped my
+senses, it dimmed my thoughts, it spread a presentiment of death and
+terror all around.
+
+"Then the old doctor came, looked keenly into my face, and ordered me
+in his fatherly, gruff manner to go forthwith into the open and get
+some fresh air. He himself would watch till I returned. And in spite of
+my remonstrance he pushed me out of the door.
+
+"If I could have guessed what was awaiting me, no power on earth would
+have moved me to cross the threshold!
+
+"Now I drew a deep breath as I stepped out into the courtyard. The
+evening air refreshed me like a cooling bath. The last gleam of
+daylight was vanishing, and veiled in bluish vapours the autumn night
+sank down upon the earth.
+
+"The two hunting dogs sprang towards me, and then raced off towards the
+old castle ruins.
+
+"Unconsciously I followed in their track, walking half in my sleep, for
+the atmosphere of the sick room was still acting upon my senses.
+
+"A mouldering scent of fading weeds and weather-beaten stones wafted
+towards me from the brickwork. An old porch spread its arch over me. I
+stepped into the interior. The walls towered up black all round me, the
+dark sky looked down upon them with its bluish lights.
+
+"Then not far from me I saw a dark figure, the outlines of which I
+recognised at once, crouching among the loose stones.
+
+"'Robert!' I call out, astonished.
+
+"He jumped up. 'Olga?' he cried in answer. 'Do you bring bad news?'
+
+"'Not so.' say I, 'your uncle, the doctor, sent me out, and----' then
+suddenly I feel as if the ground were giving way beneath my feet.
+
+"'Take care!' I hear his warning voice, but already I am sinking,
+together with the crumbling stones, about a man's length down into the
+darkness.
+
+"'For Heaven's sake, do not stir!' he shouts after me, 'else you will
+fall still further down.'
+
+"Half-dazed, I lean against the side of the pit. At my feet gleams a
+narrow strip of earth, on which I am standing; beyond that it goes down
+into black, unfathomable depths.
+
+"I see him near me, climbing down after me slowly and carefully on the
+steps of a flight of stairs as it seems.
+
+"'Where are you?' he shouts, and at the same I feel his hand groping
+for me.
+
+"Then I throw myself towards him, and cling to his neck. At the same
+moment I feel myself lifted high up and resting upon his breast. It
+appeared to me as if my veins had been opened, as if in delightful
+lassitude I felt my warm life's blood flowing away over me.
+
+"His breath wafted hotly into my face. For a moment it seemed to me as
+if he had softly kissed my forehead.... Then we returned to the manor
+house without speaking. I moved away from his side as far as I could,
+but in my heart was the jubilant thought, 'He has held me in his arms.'
+
+"On the threshold of the sick room the old physician came towards us,
+gave us both his hands and said, 'She is keeping up better, children,
+than I had expected.'
+
+"Within my heart was rejoicing, 'He has held me in his arms.'
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"And now that night! Even now every minute stands up like a fury before
+me, and glares at me with fiery eyes! That night will I conjure up as
+one calls up spirits from the grave, that their witness may animate
+anew long forgotten bloodguiltiness! What crime did I commit? _None_.
+My hands are clean. And on that great morning, when our works shall be
+tried in the balance, I might fearlessly step up to the Throne of the
+Most High and say, 'Clothe me in the whitest raiment, fasten upon my
+shoulders the most delicate pair of swan's wings, and let me sit in the
+front row, for I have a good voice, which only requires a certain
+amount of practice to do honour to Paradise!' But there are crimes,
+unaccomplished, unuttered, which penetrate the soul like the breath of
+infection, and poison it in its very essence, till the body too
+perishes under its influence.
+
+"It was a night almost like the present one. The moist autumn wind
+swept past the house in short gusts, and caught itself in the half
+leafless crests of the poplars, which bowed towards each other and
+entwined amid creaking and rustling. Not a star was in the sky; but an
+undefinable gleaming brought into notice dark masses of torn clouds,
+which sped along as if in rags. The nightlight would not burn; its
+flickering flame struggled with the shadows which danced incessantly
+over the bed and the walls. The ivy wreath hung opposite me, looking
+black and jagged like a crown of thorns.
+
+"It was about ten o'clock when Martha commenced to be delirious.
+
+"She raised herself up in bed and said in a clear, audible voice, 'I
+must really get up now--it is too bad!'
+
+"At first joy suffused my face, for I thought she had regained
+consciousness. 'Martha!' I jumped up and grasped her hand.
+
+"'I have put everything out in readiness--shirts and stockings and
+shoes, so that a blind man could find them in his sleep. And you need
+not take any measurements either--make no compliments--make no
+compliments.' And all the time she stared at me with glassy eyes, as if
+she saw a ghost; then suddenly she uttered a piercing shriek and cried,
+'Roll the stones away from my body they are crushing me. Why have you
+buried me under stones?'
+
+"I took the thinnest sheet I could find and spread it over her in place
+of the coverlet; but even that brought her no relief. She screamed and
+talked incessantly, and between whiles she muttered eagerly to herself,
+like one who is learning something off by heart.
+
+"Like this an hour must have passed. I sat in front of my table and
+stared at her; for I was in a ferment of terror lest any moment might
+bring some new, still more horrible development. From time to time,
+when she calmed down a little, I felt my limbs relax; then I closed my
+eyes and let myself sink back, and each time I had the sensation as if
+I were sinking into Robert's arms. But there hardly remained even a
+dull feeling, as if I were thereby committing any wrong; my weariness
+was too intense. I also had a sensation as if bubbles were bursting in
+my head, and roses opening out and always putting forth new wreaths of
+blossoms; then again there was a hissing sound from one ear to the
+other, as if some one had run a fuse right through my head and lighted
+it.
+
+"In this condition of nervous over-excitement, tossed hither and
+thither between terrified starting up and relaxation, Robert found me,
+when, towards midnight, he entered the room. He had intended to lie
+down on his bed for a short time, and then to watch for the rest of the
+night together with me; but Martha's screams had scared him too.
+
+"When I saw him, all my exhaustion was as if wiped away; I felt how a
+new stream of blood shot through my body, and I jumped up to go towards
+him.
+
+"'Try to rest a little.' he said, looking down at me with tired,
+swollen eyes; 'you will require all your strength.'
+
+"I shook my head and pointed to my sister, who was just flinging her
+hands about, as if in her delirium she were trying to tear me from his
+side.
+
+"'You are right,' he continued. 'Who could be calm enough to rest with
+this picture before his eyes.' And then he planted himself with clasped
+hands in front of the bed, bent down towards her and imprinted a soft
+kiss upon her wax-like forehead.
+
+"'That is how he kissed me too!' a voice within me cried.
+
+"Thereupon he sat down at the foot of the bed, so close to my chair
+that the arm which he rested upon the slab of the table almost touched
+my shoulder.
+
+"With the gloomy brooding of despair he stared across at her.
+
+"'Come to yourself, Robert!' I whispered to him, 'all may be well yet.'
+
+"He laughed grimly. 'What do you mean by "well"?' he cried; 'that she
+should remain alive and drag herself about with her sickly frame and
+crushed spirit, as a burden to herself and to others? Do you not know
+that these are the alternatives between which we have to choose?'
+
+"A cold shudder ran through my very marrow. But at the same time I felt
+as if the walls were giving way and an unbounded, shining vista opening
+out before me.
+
+"'Were you not going to be a priestess in this house?' a warning voice
+within me remonstrated, but its sounds were deadened by the surging of
+my blood.
+
+"'What is the use of struggling against fate?' he continued; 'I have
+long since learnt to submit quietly when blow after blow falls down
+upon me from above. I have become a miserable, weak-minded fellow. I
+have allowed fate to bind me hand and foot, and now, even if I struggle
+till the blood spurts from my joints, it is no good! I am powerless and
+shall remain so, and there's an end of it! But I do not care to talk
+myself into a passion. Such helpless rage is more contemptible than
+hypocritical submission.'
+
+"A desire darted through me to throw myself down in front of him, and
+to cry out to him, 'Do with me what you will: sacrifice me, tread me
+under-foot, let me die for you; but be brave and have new faith in your
+happiness----' then suddenly a moan from Martha's lips struck upon my
+ears, so plaintive, so pitiable that I started as if struck by the lash
+of a whip.
+
+"I felt ready to scream, but fear of him choked my utterance--only a
+groan escaped my breast, which I forcibly suppressed, when I noticed
+how anxiously he was looking into my eyes.
+
+"'Take no heed of me!' I said, forcing myself to smile; 'the chief
+thing is for her to get better.'
+
+"He crossed his arms over his knee and nodded a few times bitterly to
+himself. And then again the moaning ceased.
+
+"She had bowed her head upon her breast, and half closed her eyes. One
+might almost have thought her asleep; but the muttering and chattering
+continued. There was utter silence in the half-darkened room. Only the
+wind sped past the window with low soughing, and between the planks of
+the ceiling the mice scampered about.
+
+"Robert had buried his head in his hands, and was listening to Martha's
+weird talking. Gradually he seemed to grow quieter, his breath came
+more regularly and slowly, now and again his head dropped to one side,
+and next moment jerked up again.
+
+"His sleepiness had overpowered him. I wanted to urge him to go to
+rest; but I was afraid of the sound of my own voice, and therefore was
+silent.
+
+"More and more often did the upper part of his body sway to one side,
+now and again his hair touched my cheek--and he groped about seeking to
+find some support.
+
+"And then, suddenly, his head fell upon my shoulder, where it remained
+lying. My whole body trembled as if I had experienced some great
+happiness.
+
+"'An invincible desire possessed me to stroke the bushy hair that fell
+across my face. Close to my eyes I saw a few silver threads gleaming.
+
+"'It is already beginning to get grey,' I thought to myself, 'it is
+high time that he should taste what happiness is like.' And then I
+really stroked him.
+
+"He sighed in his sleep and sought to nestle closer with his head.
+
+"'He is lying uncomfortably.' I said to myself; 'you must move up
+nearer to him.'
+
+"I did so. His shoulder leant against mine, and his head fell upon my
+breast.
+
+"'You must put your arm round him,' a voice within me cried, 'otherwise
+he will still not find rest.'
+
+"Twice or three times I attempted, and as often I drew back.
+
+"What if Martha should suddenly wake! But even then her eyes saw
+nothing--her ears heard nothing.
+
+"And I did it.
+
+"Then a wild joy seized me: secretly I pressed him to me--and within me
+there arose the jubilant thought: 'Ah, how I would care for you and
+watch over you; how I would kiss those wicked furrows away from your
+brow, and the troubles from your soul! How I would fight for you with
+my virgin strength and never rest till your eyes were once more glad,
+and your heart once more full of sunshine! But for that----I looked
+across at Martha. Yes, she lived, she still lived. Her bosom rose and
+fell in short, rapid gasps. She seemed more alive than ever.
+
+"And suddenly it flamed up before me, and the words seemed as if I saw
+them distinctly written over there on the wall--
+
+                      "'_Oh, that she might die!_'
+
+"Yes, that was it, that was it.
+
+"Oh, that she might die! Oh, that she might die!"
+
+
+
+
+                                  VII.
+
+
+Drawing a deep breath, the physician stopped short, and wiped the
+perspiration from his forehead.
+
+Robert had jumped up, stared for a moment at the flaming orb of the
+lamp, as if dazzled by the light, and then rushed towards the old man
+as if to tear the paper out of his hands.
+
+"That does indeed stand there?" he stammered.
+
+"Read for yourself!" said the other.
+
+A long silence ensued.
+
+The lamp burnt with its quiet, cheery light as if it were illumining a
+deed of brightest gladsomeness, and softly, as if with velvety paws,
+the wind touched the windows. Downstairs everything seemed to be
+growing quieter. The intervals between the bursts of laughter grew
+longer and longer--the babel of voices changed to a steady, dull buzz.
+The people were getting tired--they were digesting.
+
+The physician looked round for Robert. He had dropped down once more
+upon the ledge of the empty bedstead, had buried his face in his hands,
+and was absolutely motionless.
+
+Only his heaving breath, which escaped his breast in short, irregular
+gasps, testified to the turmoil that was raging within him.
+
+"Come to yourself, my boy," said the physician, laying his hand on
+Robert's shoulder.
+
+"Uncle, of course it goes without saying--she was not in her right mind
+when she wrote this?"
+
+"She was never more in her right mind than at that moment!"
+
+"How dare you affirm such a thing? Do not insult the dead!"
+
+"Nothing is further from my thoughts, dear boy. Who shall presume to
+cast the first stone at her? But if you have been listening
+attentively, you will certainly understand that her whole life was
+nothing more than the maturing of this moment. Already in her girlish
+dreams the seeds of this criminal wish lay buried; they put forth
+sudden shoots on yonder stone in the wood, and came into blossom at the
+very hour when she crept into your room to unite you with Martha."
+
+"Why did she do that, if she herself wished to step into Martha's
+place?"
+
+"She was not conscious of what she wished. All her efforts to make you
+and Martha happy were nothing further than the secret struggle which
+her pure honest nature was waging with the wish growing up within her,
+since that day of her girlhood when she had seen you again. But she did
+not know it. Even her love for you did not become clear to her till she
+entered your house. How much less then could she suspect what was
+slumbering, as the fruit of this love, within her soul."
+
+"And yet you say she fought against it and tried to exterminate it?"
+
+"Not spiritually, not consciously. Her thought remained pure till that
+terrible midnight hour. It was only her instinct which struggled
+against the poison. That drew new resources daily from the healthy
+depths of her strong nature, by which to secrete the putrid matter or
+at least to enclose it so that it became innocuous. For this reason she
+condemned herself to exile, for this reason even in face of your house
+she contemplated a hasty retreat. How little she was, even later,
+conscious of the processes which for years had been developing within
+her, you may see by the whole tone of her reminiscences. She absolutely
+unconsciously dwells upon many unimportant incidents, which have
+nothing to do with the progress of the story and yet are valuable as
+showing the gradual development of her wish. She knows not why she does
+so: her feeling alone tells her: this has some connection with my
+guilt."
+
+"I believe in no guilt!" exclaimed Robert, in greatest excitement. "If
+that wish was not a mere hallucination, not the result of a momentarily
+morbid, over-strung frame of mind, but had lain for a long while
+dormant in her nature, how came it that, only six hours before uttering
+it, she expressed herself with such indignation about my mother because
+she suspected her of harbouring it?"
+
+"For my part," replied the old man, "nothing is more convincing for my
+view of the matter, than this very indignation. To free her own
+conscience from the burden which she felt resting upon it, she cast
+every stone which she could take hold of, at your mother. It was terror
+at her own sin which drove her to it."
+
+"And the noble, self-sacrificing resolve which she formed only a few
+days before?"
+
+Over the old man's weather-beaten features there flitted a smile full
+of understanding and forgiveness.
+
+Then he said, "The old proverb about the good intentions with which the
+path to Hell is paved, may hold good here too; but it only touches the
+surface of the matter. This resolve was a last abortive attempt to
+unite sisterly love with her longing for you, to make a pact between
+her powerful, burning desire for happiness and the impulse to keep
+faith towards her sister. It was the most unnatural thing she could hit
+upon, for silent resignation was not in her line. It was a particularly
+cruel fate which doomed her, with her noble disposition and powerful
+will, to be forced into a sin which is the most common and most
+cowardly on earth, a sin which I have found lurking on countless faces,
+when I stood at the bedside of people seriously ill. This, my boy, is
+one of the darkest spots in human nature, a remnant of bestiality which
+has managed to find its way into our tamed world; even such sensitive
+natures as Olga may fall a prey to it, though of course they perish
+through it, while coarser souls simply conceal and suppress what is
+struggling to appear from the darkest depths of their beings. Wait, I
+will speak more plainly. I once came to the bedside of a rich old man,
+a landowner, whose last breath was not far off. At the head of his bed
+stood his eldest son, a man of about forty, who for long years had held
+the post of inspector on strange estates, and whose intended bride was
+beginning to grow old and faded with waiting. The son was a good,
+honest fellow who would not have hurt a fly, who loved his father with
+all his heart, and would certainly have been ashamed to wish his
+deadliest enemy any ill; but in the stealthy, terrified glance with
+which he watched me, while I bent down my ear towards the old man's
+breast, I distinctly read the wish! 'Oh, that he might die!' Another
+time I was called in to a woman who was very happy in second marriage.
+Only one cloud troubled her new happiness. Her husband could not
+befriend himself with the child of her first marriage. He knitted his
+brows at the mere mention of the little creature, and as she loved him
+passionately, she feared he might come to hate her on the child's
+account, and hid it away from him as much as ever she could. The child
+got scarlet fever. I found the mother kneeling at its bedside and
+weeping bitterly. She trembled in fear for the feeble little life.
+Had she not herself brought it forth! Then her husband entered the
+room--she started--and in the restless, wavering glance which she cast
+towards the cradle, there stood clearly and legibly written: 'It would
+be for my happiness, if you died.' I could give you innumerable
+examples where jealousy, covetousness, desire for independence,
+restlessness, impulse for liberty, amorous longing, have matured this
+terrible, criminal wish, which suddenly rises up dark and gigantic
+within the human breast, in which hitherto only love and light have
+found a place. Happily nowadays it does not do much harm. In olden,
+more barbarous times, when the passions were permitted to rage
+unfettered, the deed aided the thought. And if perchance in the family
+circle any one happened to be in the other's way, poison and the dagger
+simply claimed their victims. History and literature abound with
+murders of this kind, and that great student of mankind, Shakspeare,
+for example, knows hardly any other tragic motive besides murder of
+kin. To-day people have grown calmer, and if a struggle for existence
+happens nowadays to creep into the holy family circle, one is content
+to wish the obnoxious one, in a dark hour, six feet under the earth.
+This wish is the ancient murder restrained by modern civilisation.
+There, my boy, now I have given you a long discourse, and if,
+meanwhile, your blood has cooled down, my object is fulfilled."
+
+"So you absolutely condemn her?" Robert anxiously stammered forth.
+
+"My dear boy, I condemn no one," replied the old man, with a serious
+smile, "least of all such an honest nature as Olga was. The fact alone
+that she had the courage to confess to herself and to him whom she
+loved most, what she was guilty of, raises her above the others. For
+this wish, of which we are speaking, as it is the most hideous
+spiritual sin of which the human soul can become guilty, so it is also
+the most secret. No friend confides it to a friend, no husband whispers
+it in the darkness of the nocturnal couch to his wife, no penitent
+dares to confess it to his spiritual adviser, even the prayer that
+struggles upwards to heaven out of the depths of contrition, passes it
+over in hypocritical silence. God may have knowledge of everything,
+only not of this baseness. Let this perish in shame and silence, as it
+was brought forth in night and horror. And more than this! This wish is
+the only crime for which there is commonly no expiation, no punishment
+either before the tribunal of the outer world, or one's own conscience.
+This is a case in which even that merciless judge which a man carries
+about within him proves amenable to bribery. Thousands of people who
+have once been guilty of this baseness go on living happily, put on
+flesh in perfect peace of soul, and rejoice in the fulfilment of their
+wish, which they themselves forget as speedily as possible, as soon as
+ever it is fulfilled. It becomes absorbed into the soul, just as a germ
+of disease becomes absorbed as soon as the stimulant of disease has
+disappeared. It is lost without any trace, it is absolutely blotted out
+by an abundance of social and personal virtues. I on no account say
+that I condemn these people. What would become of the world if every
+one who on looking into the glass discovered a wart on his face, were
+to cut his throat in despair at the fact? The people I have described
+to you are the healthy every-day people, whose so-called good
+constitution can stand a blow, and who care not a rap if now and again
+something objectionable sticks to them. Olga was moulded of finer clay,
+her nervous system was sensible to lesser shocks, and what only caused
+others a slight irritation, was to her already a lash of the whip. Such
+natures are often somewhat morbid, they incline towards melancholy and
+hysteria, and their soul-life is governed by imaginations, which, in
+the eyes of others, are apt to assume the character of fixed ideas. And
+yet everything about them is strictly normal, indeed their organism
+works even more accurately than that of the ordinary, average human
+being, and if one were to place them, like delicate chemical scales
+under a glass case, one might see them work wonders. As a rule a
+certain weakness of purpose cleaves to this class of sensitive people,
+which makes them shyly retreat into themselves at the slightest
+extraneous touch--and this is lucky for them; for thus they are saved
+all violent collision with the outer world, to which they would not,
+after all, prove equal. But woe to those among them who are driven by
+some impetuous desire, some mighty passion, straight among rocks and
+thorns! Then it is very possible that an adhering thorn, which others
+would hardly have noticed, may become to them a poisoned arrow, and
+corrode their body and soul till they perish in consequence. There,
+now, I have talked enough. Here lie two or three more sheets. Listen!
+Here we shall learn how one may be ruined by a wish."
+
+
+
+
+                                 VIII.
+
+
+"Of that which now followed, I have only retained a vague recollection.
+I remember that I suddenly uttered a shriek, which made even Martha
+start up, that I flung myself down at her bedside, clutched her burning
+hands, and continued to cry out, 'Save me! save me! wake up!'
+
+"And then again I find myself in a different room, into which Robert
+has taken me. I remember how, there, in the looking-glass, I recognised
+my distorted face, bathed in the perspiration of terror, how I burst
+into a laugh, and, shuddering at my own laughter, sank all in a heap,
+and how all the while, chuckling and hissing with a thousand covetous
+voices, there came sounding in my ears the wish: 'Oh, that she might
+die!' How shall I describe it all, without being hunted to death by the
+spectres of that night?
+
+"The only clear remembrance that I still retain is that suddenly the
+doctor's dear old face was bending over me, that I had to drink
+something that tasted bitter, and--then I know nothing more.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"When I awoke the pale light of dawn gleamed through the windows. My
+head ached, I looked around dazed, and then it seemed as if I saw
+written on the whitewashed wall opposite, the words: 'Oh, that she
+might die!'
+
+"I shuddered, and then the thought rose within me: 'Now, if she dies,
+it will be your wish which has murdered her.'
+
+"I pulled myself together, and walked up to the looking-glass.
+
+"'So this is what a woman looks like who wishes her sister might die!'
+said I, while my ashen-pale face stared back at me; and, seized with a
+sudden loathing, I hit at the glass with my fist. My knuckles bled, but
+it did not break. Fool that I was, not to know that henceforth all the
+world would only be there to hold up a mirror to my crime!
+
+"'But perhaps she may not die!' it suddenly darted through my brain.
+Such radiance seemed to burst forth from this thought, that I closed my
+eyes as if dazzled.
+
+"And then again it cried aloud within me: 'She will die; your wish has
+murdered her!' I ground my teeth, and groping along by the walls, I
+crept into the sick room.
+
+"When I stood at the door, and no longer heard any sound from within,
+the idea took possession of me:
+
+"'You will find her as a corpse.'
+
+"No, she still lived, but death had already set his mark upon her face.
+
+"The bridge of the nose had become more prominent, her lips no longer
+closed over her irregular teeth, her eyes seemed to have sunk right
+down into their dark sockets.
+
+"At her feet stood Robert and the old doctor. Robert had pressed his
+hands to his face. Sobs shook his frame. The old man scrutinised me
+with a penetrating glance. Again, for a moment, I felt as if he were
+looking me through and through, as if my guilt were openly exposed
+before him. But then, as he hastened towards me, who was tottering, and
+held me upright in his arms, I recognised that it was only the
+physician's glance with which he had examined me.
+
+"'How long will she live yet?' I asked, closing my eyes.
+
+"'She is dying!'
+
+"At that moment something within me grew rigid, turned to stone. At
+that moment hope died within me, and with it my faith in myself, in
+happiness, in goodness. A great calm came over me. Death, which hovered
+over this bed, had spread its dark pinions around my body too. With the
+clear vision of a prophetess, I saw what yet remained to me of life,
+spread out unveiled before my eyes. Like one dead I should henceforth
+have to wander upon earth, like one dead I should have to cling to
+life, like one dead see that happiness approach me, which was for ever
+lost to me. Robert stepped up to me and embraced me. I calmly suffered
+it, I felt nothing more.
+
+"Then I sat down close to my sister's bedside, and looked at her,
+waiting for her death.
+
+"Attentively I followed every symptom of her slow expiring. I felt as
+if my consciousness had separated itself from me, as if I could see
+myself sitting there like a stone figure, staring into the dying
+woman's face.
+
+"No feverish illusion, no morbid self-incrimination any longer
+disturbed the course of my ideas. It was by this time clear to me that
+my wish could not in reality bring death upon her, and yet--for me and
+my conscience it remained the wish alone which had killed her.
+
+"Thus I sat, as her murderess, at her bedside, and waited for her death
+which was also mine.
+
+"It was a long time coming. The hours of the day passed and she still
+lived. Her pulse had long ceased to beat, her heart seemed to stand
+still, and yet her breath continued to come and go in short feeble
+gasps. While I was lying in a morphia sleep, they had given her as a
+last resource an injection of musk to revive her strength once more.
+This was what she was existing on now. But the odour of musk, mingling
+with the carbolic vapours, filled the room like some heavy, tangible
+body, weighed on my brow and seemed to crush my temples. I felt as if
+with every breath I were drinking in increasing burdens.
+
+"In the afternoon Robert's parents came. I, who had yesterday shown my
+aunt only pride and contempt, to-day kissed her hand in humiliation.
+This was the beginning of the penance which I had inflicted upon myself
+at Martha's death-bed, and which shall endure as long as I live.
+
+"Evening came on. Marta still continued to breathe. With wide-open
+mouth, her dead eyes covered with a film, she stared at me. Her body
+seemed to get smaller and smaller, quite shrunk together she lay there.
+It almost looked as if in death she did not venture to take up even the
+small space which she had occupied during her lifetime.
+
+"Aunt filled the house with her loathsome sobbing, and the others, too,
+were weeping; I alone remained without tears.
+
+"When towards eleven o'clock she had drawn her last breath, I fell into
+a delirium.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"Just now I have returned from the manor.
+
+"He was good and kind towards me, and in his eyes there gleamed a
+half-hidden, bashful tenderness, which my soul drank in eagerly. I feel
+as if a new spring-time must be coming, my heart is full of smiles and
+laughter, and when I close my eyes golden sunlight rays seem to be
+dancing round about me. But now away with this enervating dream of
+happiness!
+
+"If he should learn to love me, all the worse for him! I gave him no
+occasion--no, indeed not! I should feel I must despise myself like a
+very prostitute if I had done so. Since my convalescence I have managed
+his household for him truly and faithfully, for more than a year,
+without claiming his approval, without wishing to grow indispensable to
+him. Even my dear aunt has had to recognise that, who almost forces her
+hospitality upon me, in spite of my being personally so hateful to her.
+She is much too good a housekeeper herself not to know that, but for
+me, the household would have gone to rack and ruin in those days, when
+Robert forgot everything in gloomy mourning for his dead--not even
+taking any interest in the child, which she had left him as a pledge.
+But for me, the poor little thing would be lying under the ground long
+ago. I will not enumerate all I did and worked during this time. It is
+surely not meet for me to play the Pharisee.
+
+"Nor will I speak of expiation. How pompous the word sounds, and what
+miserable self-deception generally hides behind it! How shall I wash
+away what defiles me? One may expiate some tragic guilt, one can even
+expiate some great crime, but a piece of baseness such as I committed,
+cleaves to the soul for ever! Ah, if I did not know what secret desire
+lurks in the depths of my heart!
+
+"Why else should I require to stand there absolved before my own
+conscience, if not in order that I might one day become his? As if
+everlasting fate itself had not reared up a wall between us, reaching
+up from the depths of _her_ grave as high as the stars.
+
+"And if some demon should ever whisper into his ear, advising him to
+stretch out his hand for me, what else could I do but repulse him, as
+if for his audacity? But he will never do such a thing. I have
+succeeded in keeping him at a distance. Let him believe that I have a
+poor opinion of him, let him believe that I am haughty and unfeeling
+through self-love. I shall know how to guard my heart's secret.
+
+"If only one thing were not so!
+
+"Sometimes, especially at night, when I am staring into the darkness, a
+wild, mad longing comes over me with such power, that I feel as if I
+must succumb to it. It seizes me like a feverish delirium; it dims my
+senses, and makes my blood boil in my veins; it is the longing to lie
+just for once upon his breast, and there to weep my heart out. For in
+those nights my tears were dried up. I have never been able to weep
+since the day when I found Martha lying on her sick-bed.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+                                        "_A fortnight later_.
+
+"It has come to pass. He loves me. He came to woo me. Now I know that
+there is an expiation! These tortures must indeed purify! Jesus,
+I have lost my childish faith in Thee, but Thou wast a man. Thou hast
+suffered like me. Thee I implore--no, this is madness! Come to your
+senses, woman; pull yourself together. Is there not an everlasting
+resting-place, whither you may flee by your own free will, if your
+strength is no longer equal to the misery of this life? Who is to
+prevent you?
+
+"He loves me. I have attained it. But in order that he might love me,
+Martha had first to perish, I myself had to sink down into an abyss of
+guilt and shame from which no power in heaven or on earth can save me.
+
+"I am dead. Dead shall be my desires and my hopes, and my rebellious
+blood, which wells up seething at thought of him. I will soon compel it
+to be calm; and if not----.
+
+"Oh, how he stood before me, timidly stammering forth word by word. How
+shyly and imploringly his eye sought mine, and yet how he hardly dared
+to raise his glance from the ground. How, in his awkwardness, he
+twisted the ends of his beard round his fingers, and stamped his foot
+when he could not find the right word! Oh, my poor dear, big child, did
+you not see how my every limb was trembling with the desire to rush
+towards you and hold you tight for all eternity, did you not see how my
+lips were twitching with the temptation to press themselves upon yours,
+and to hang there till their last breath?
+
+"Did you not see all this?
+
+"Did you really believe the words, which half unconsciously I spoke to
+you? My heart knows nothing of them, that I swear to you. I have loved
+you ever since I can remember. I know that my last breath will utter
+your name.
+
+"And shame on you, if you really had faith in my pretexts! I leave you
+for a rich girl! You, for whom I would gladly beg in the streets, for
+whom I would work till my eyes grew dim and my fingers sore, if you
+needed it!
+
+"Do you remember that night in our parents' house, when you were wooing
+Martha? Do you remember it and dare to insult me by putting faith in my
+miserable excuses?
+
+"And when at parting I gave you my hand, why did you look into my eyes
+so sadly and humbly? Did you not know that now that look will haunt me
+day and night like the reproach of some heavy crime I have committed
+towards you?
+
+"No, my friend, you are the only one on earth who have nothing to
+reproach me with. Towards you I have acted honestly--and most honestly
+to-day, even though you were never so unutterably deceived as to-day!
+If only I might tell you how much I love you! How gladly would I die in
+that self-same hour. Only once to lie upon your breast--only once to
+hide my head upon your shoulder and weep, weep--weep blood and tears!
+
+"You must never again look at me like that, my giant, as if I had had a
+right to despise you, as if you were too simple and not good enough for
+me. I do not know what I might not do in that case! Heaven protect you
+from me and my love!
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+                                        "_A week later_.
+
+"And now I have done it _after all_! I have thrown myself upon his
+neck; I have satiated myself with his kisses; I have wept my fill in
+his arms!
+
+"I am calm--quite calm. I have tasted whatever of happiness life had
+left to offer me, the sinner.
+
+"But what now?
+
+"Since hours I have been face to face with the last great question:
+'Shall I flee or die?'
+
+"One or the other I must do this very night; for to-morrow he will come
+to lead me to Martha's grave.
+
+"Rather than follow him thither, I will die!
+
+"But I will even assume that I could be enough of a hypocrite not to
+drop down beside the grave and confess all to him, I will assume that I
+should not be choked with loathing of myself, that I should really have
+enough wretched courage to become his wife; what sort of a life should
+I lead at his side?
+
+"What is the good of clinging to happiness when one has long since
+forfeited it? Should I not slink about like some poor criminal in her
+last hours, everlastingly tortured by the fear of betraying myself to
+him, and yet filled with the desire to proclaim my guilt to the whole
+world? How could I sleep in the bed out of which I wished her into her
+grave! How could I wake between the walls on which there still stands
+written in flaming letters: 'Oh, that she might die!'
+
+"I will converse quite calmly and sensibly with myself, as is meet for
+one who is making up the account of her life. That I cannot become his
+wife I know very well.
+
+"Shall I flee?--What should I do among strangers? I know them. I know
+these people and despise them. They have wrought evil towards me; they
+would torment me again in the future.
+
+"All the faith, all the love, all the hope still remaining to me, have
+their foundation in him alone.
+
+"So I must die! The bottles of morphia stand, well preserved, in the
+corner of my cupboard. I had some suspicion that I might want them,
+when, in defiance of the old doctor, I secretly saved up their
+contents. The few hours of sleep which I thereby lost, will now be
+amply compensated for.
+
+"Only a letter yet to my uncle the doctor; he shall be my heir and my
+confidant. Perhaps he can help me to wipe away all traces of my deed,
+so that Robert may suspect nothing. Not a greeting to him. That is the
+hardest of all, but it must be so.
+
+
+                           *   *   *   *   *
+
+
+"I have run out secretly and posted the letter. The watchman was
+signalling midnight. How empty, how dark is the whole world! In the
+lime-trees the wind is soughing. Here and there a light is sadly
+gleaming as if to illumine hidden sorrows. A drunken fellow came
+shouting along the road and made as if to attack me. Darkness, poverty,
+and brutality out there--in here guilt and unappeasable longing--that
+would be my future. Verily this life has nothing more to offer me.
+
+"People talk and write so much about the terror of death. I feel
+nothing of it. I am content, for I have wept my fill. Those suppressed
+tears weighed heavily upon me; and weeping makes one weary, they say.
+Good-night!"
+
+
+
+
+                                The End.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wish, by Hermann Sudermann
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