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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/33879-8.txt b/33879-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..414bba1 --- /dev/null +++ b/33879-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9285 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Romance of the Canoness, by Paul Heyse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Romance of the Canoness + A Life-History + +Author: Paul Heyse + +Translator: J. M. Percival + +Release Date: October 22, 2010 [EBook #33879] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Bowen, from page images provided by Google Books + + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + 1. Page scan source: + http://books.google.com/books?id=E1ETAAAAYAAJ&dq + 2. The diphthong oe is represented by [oe]. + + + + + + + THE ROMANCE + + OF THE CANONESS. + + + + _A LIFE-HISTORY_ + + + + BY + PAUL HEYSE + AUTHOR OF "IN PARADISE," ETC. + + + + TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN BY + J. M. PERCIVAL + + + + + NEW YORK + D. APPLETON AND COMPANY + 1887 + + + + + + + Copyright, 1887, + By D. APPLETON AND COMPANY. + + + + + + + NOTE BY THE TRANSLATOR. + + +The title of this book, in the German, is "Der Roman der Stiftsdame," +_stiftsdame_ being rendered in this version _canoness_. It is desirable +to explain that _stiftsdame_ is the name given to a female member of +certain religious communities or orders, originally Roman Catholic, the +members of which lived in common but without taking monastic vows. +After the Reformation, Protestant houses of a similar kind were +organized. The privileges of these communities are often secured by +noblemen for their daughters, who may at any subsequent period enter +the stift or chapter of the order, but who forfeit this right in case +of marriage. + + + + + + THE + ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS. + + +In June, 1864, a visit I had promised to pay one of the friends of my +youth led me into the heart of the province of Brandenburg. I could +travel by the railway as far as the little city of St. ----, but from +this place was compelled to hire a carriage for two or three miles, as +the estate, which my friend had owned several years, did not even +possess the advantage of a daily stage. So, on reaching St. ----, +I applied to the landlord of the "Crown-Prince"--who was also +postmaster--for a carriage, and, as it was past three o'clock in the +afternoon, and the drive over shadeless roads in the early heat of +summer would not be particularly agreeable, I begged him not to hurry, +but give me time to have a glimpse of the little city and its environs. + +The landlord replied that the poor little place had no sights worth +looking at. As a native of a great capital who had removed to the +province, he displayed a compassionate contempt for his present +residence. The situation was not bad, and the "lake" the most +abundantly stocked with fish in the whole Mark. If I kept straight on +in that direction--he pointed across the square marketplace on which +his hostelry stood--I should get a view of the water just beyond the +city-wall. + +To a traveler who is less thoroughly familiar with the local history of +the Mart than my friend, Theodor Fontane, and who suddenly finds +himself transferred from the capital to the province, one of these +little cities looks very much like another. The first feeling amid the +neat little houses--most of them only a story high, while walking over +the rough pavement kept as clean as the floor of an old maid's room, or +passing through the quiet squares planted with acacias or ancient +lindens, where nothing is stirring save flocks of noisy sparrows--is a +secret doubt whether real people actually dwell here, people who take +an active interest in the life of the present day, or whether we have +not strayed into a pretty, gigantic toy village, which has merely been +set up here for a time and will soon be taken down and packed into +boxes like Nuremberg carvings. + +This impression of fairy illusion and enchantment, which would speedily +vanish, was enhanced by the sultry calm, portending an approaching +thunder-storm, that brooded over the streets and squares and kept the +inhabitants indoors. Here and there I saw behind the glittering +window-panes the face of an old woman or a fair-haired young girl, not +peering out between the pots of geranium and cactus to look after the +stranger with provincial curiosity, but gazing into vacancy with a +strange expression of gentle melancholy. The few persons I met in the +street also wore this pensive look, as if some great universal calamity +had happened, which quenched the cheerfulness of even the most +indifferent. + +I therefore pursued my walk somewhat cheerlessly, and not until I had +reached the wall, which rose to a moderate height on both sides of the +ancient city-gate, did the oppression of this sultry afternoon calm +abandon me. Not less than four rows of the most magnificent old trees, +among which several huge maples and chestnuts stretched their gigantic +branches skyward, cast a broad belt of shade over the dreary little +place, and were not only animated by the notes of birds, but by the +shouts and laughter of countless children, who had seen the light of +the world in the silent houses. Their nurses sat knitting and gossiping +on the numerous benches; yet even on their faces I fancied I perceived +the sorrowful expression I had noticed in the other inhabitants of the +city. + +It would have been pleasant to linger here in the shade among the +little ones. But I remembered that I must do my duty as a tourist and +see the lake, which even the postmaster had mentioned approvingly. At +the end of a long avenue of poplars, leading from the gate over the +level plain, I saw the white-capped waves sparkling in the sunlight, +and quickened my pace in order to return the sooner to the cool shade +of the dense foliage. + +Yet the scene that opened below, before my gaze, was indeed wonderfully +charming. A bright, semicircular basin, as clear as a mirror, whose +circuit it would probably have required a full hour to make, lay amid +the most luxuriant green meadows and a few tilled fields, in which the +lighter hue of the young grain stood forth in strong relief. The shore +was encircled by a dense border of sedges, whose brown tops, whenever a +faint breeze blew, waved gently to and fro as though stirred by their +own weight. The opposite bank, which rose in a gradual ascent, was +clothed with a dark grove of firs, whose reddish trunks were reflected +in the water, and around whose tops hovered flocks of crows and jays, +whose harsh screams ever and anon interrupted the oppressive silence. + +The avenue of poplars led directly to the harbor, which was marked by +half a dozen gayly painted boats. These had been drawn up on the sand, +but their owners had not thought it worth while to fasten them to a +stake, as if it would be quite impossible for them to voluntarily drift +away from the shore. Near these skiffs I was surprised by the sight of +a steamer, similar in size and form to the coasters so much used in the +German Ocean. The light green garlands of fir, with which it was +profusely adorned, formed a strange contrast to its slanting smokestack +and the damaged condition of the deck-rail. But I looked about me in +vain for some person who might have told me how this craft, which must +have once seen better days, had reached the quiet inland lake and been +decked in its gay festal array, like a shame-faced old man holding a +jubilee. + +Still keeping my eyes fixed on the opposite grove, I strolled slowly +along the broad path by the shore of the lake, unheeding the sun, as a +refreshing coolness rose from the water. But ere I had advanced a +hundred paces I discovered, half hidden behind some tall lindens, +several lonely buildings, a long, narrow, gable-roofed house, without +any architectural ornamentation, which looked more like a store-house +than a dwelling, yet showed by the little white curtains at the +window-frames, and the flowering plants inclosed by trellis-work +fences, that human beings lived there. A few low huts or sheds adjoined +it in the rear, the long front faced the lake; but the view was here +partly cut off by a little church or chapel, also of the plainest +structure, and so low that a man on horseback might have easily glanced +into the swallows' nests under its weather-beaten roof. Yet the poor +little church, with its four blind arched windows and tiny steeple, +looked cheerful and picturesque, for an ancient ivy had climbed the +narrow rear wall, and, while the trunk clung naked and bare to the +masonry, the luxuriant branches, twining over cornice and roof, had +flung a thick mantle over the shoulders of the shabby building. + +Here, too, all was desolate and silent. But a peasant lad, who had been +fishing in the lake and was now running home, answered my queries so +far as to enable me to learn that the long building was the almshouse, +and the chapel belonged to it, but there were no religious services +held there now; and no one, except the paupers, were buried in the +little grave-yard, whose sunken, slanting black crosses gleamed from +under the shadow of the lindens. When I asked if I could go into the +chapel, the child stared at me in astonishment, shook his flaxen head, +and sped away on his little bare feet as swiftly as though the earth +was beginning to scorch them. + +I now walked slowly around the chapel, and approached the house. +Standing on a little bench in the flower-garden, before an open window, +was a tall figure clad in black, gazing motionless into the dwelling. +He was apparently a man of middle age, with smooth, brown hair, which +fell slightly over a high forehead. The profile, whose noble lines +denoted marked character, was strongly relieved against the whitewashed +wall; the sun shone fiercely on his head and back, but, without heeding +it, he held his hat before him in both hands, and did not even turn +when I passed. The sound of my steps apparently did not reach his ear. +His coat was old-fashioned in cut, but his appearance was by no means +provincial. I would gladly have accosted him, had it not seemed as if +he were listening to something, inaudible to me, that was being said +inside the room. + +So I quietly passed him and went to the gable side of the house. On the +steps in front of the open door sat an aged dame, stooping so far +forward that her big black crêpe cap shaded the tiny old book she held +in her lap. A pair of large horn spectacles rested on the open pages, +and her sharp red nose nodded strangely like the beak of a bird that is +trying to peck at something. She was not asleep, for she sometimes +sighed so heavily that the capstrings under her withered chin trembled. +Then her yellow shriveled hand grasped a small lead box lying on the +stone step beside her, and she took a pinch of snuff. + +"Can you still read, mother?" I asked, stopping before her. + +She looked up at me without the slightest sign of surprise. The stern, +withered old face wore the anxious expression of a deaf person. + +I repeated my question. + +"Not so very well, sir," she replied in her Mark dialect. "When one has +seventy-seven years on one's back the old eyes are of little use. But I +can still manage tolerably with the hymn-book. I need only see the +numbers and the big letters at the beginning to remember the whole at +once; and if I can't get one verse exactly right, I think of the next +one. Whoever has had experiences, and fears and loves the Lord, can +make a verse for many a hymn in the book." + +"You have a beautiful spot for your old age, mother, and are well taken +care of, it seems to me." + +The aged dame wore a new dark calico dress, and over her thin shoulders +lay a black shawl, which, spite of the heat, she had pinned close. + +"It's very comfortable, my dear sir, it's very comfortable," she +replied, taking a pinch of snuff with her trembling hand. "The Canoness +said so, too; that's why she didn't wish to go away again, not even +when they wanted to take her to the castle. But she planted the +flowers, and we have only kept our gardens so neat since she has been +here. Well, everything will soon be at sixes and sevens again. You see, +when I first came, thirteen years ago, just after my husband and my +eldest daughter died, and there wasn't a soul to care for Mother +Schulzen, I thought I should lead a wretched life in the almshouse. A +silver groschen every day, free lodging, peat, and light, six groschen +every quarter for beer money, and a bit of land where everybody can +plant potatoes--that was hardly enough for a living. Dear me! A person +who hasn't much is soon satisfied, and there is apt to be something put +by for a rainy day. When the Canoness first came, though she had +nothing herself, yet she always found something to give away. See, she +gave me this woolen petticoat"--she pulled her dress up to her knees to +show it--"on her last birthday, and the shawl at Christmas. That's why +I wear it in her honor to-day, though it's certainly warm; but I want +to look respectable when I follow the body, for a woman like her won't +come again, and, as the hymn says: + + 'Alas, my Saviour, must Thou die, + That we the heirs of life may be? + Let not Thy woes, grief, agony, + On us be lost, but win to Thee.'" + +She muttered to herself for a while, with her chin buried in her shawl, +and seemed to have entirely forgotten my presence. + +"Mother," I began after a time, "you are always talking about a +Canoness. Is there a chapter-house in this neighborhood?" + +The old dame slowly raised her head and scanned me with a +half-suspicious, half-pitying look. + +"Why, what a question!" she said at last. "I suppose you don't belong +here, my dear sir; but you must live very far away, for everybody in +the neighborhood knows who the Canoness was, and that she died three +days ago and will be buried to-day. Have you never heard of +Spiegelberg, her husband, who is now standing before the throne of God? +She belonged to a noble family, and her cousin, the baron, when he +visited her, took me aside and said: 'I hope, Mother Schulzen, that you +don't let my cousin want for anything here.' Good Heavens! What we poor +old women could do to make her life easy--especially I! For she always +showed me the greatest kindness, and the teacher and I were with her in +her last hour. Yes! yes! If anybody had told me that such a poor, +useless body would close her eyes, and yet must creep about here on +earth a while longer, while she, who was still in her prime--But +perhaps you would like to see her? There is time enough. She is to be +buried at four, and the whole town will be present, and not a dry eye +in the throng, for nobody else in the whole place had gifts like hers; +and now they will see what we had in her, we old creatures especially, +for no one like her will come again--never again--never again--" + +She shook her head mournfully as she spoke, but her weary, reddened +eyes were tearless, and, rising with some difficulty, she took up her +hymn-book, spectacles, and snuff-box, and, beckoning to me to follow, +hobbled through the entrance--the door stood ajar--into the long +corridor which divided the interior of the dwelling into two equal +parts. + +It was pleasantly cool inside, only a strong smell of vinegar tainted +the air and enhanced the feeling of uneasiness with which I had +entered. It was uncanny to be conducted to the abode of death by this +old crone, incessantly mumbling her song of Destiny, while out-of-doors +the bright young summer was wandering over the fields. The bare hall, +too, from which opened more than a dozen whitewashed doors, had no +inviting aspect, especially as several dark figures, all dressed very +much like my guide, were crouching on little benches along the walls, +whispering together and casting distrustful glances at me. I afterward +learned that the almshouse had been erected for a pest-house centuries +before, when the Black Death was devastating the land, and afterward +remained a long time vacant and shunned, until it was at last converted +into a poor-house, and the chapel was rebuilt. But how had the Canoness +come under this humble roof? + +Mother Schulzen had already opened the first door on the left, and I +entered a large room with two windows. In the center stood a piano, a +number of plain, rush-bottomed chairs were ranged along the walls, a +rack containing music-books stood on the table between the clean white +curtains. "She gave her singing-lessons here," the old dame said; "the +next room was her sleeping-chamber, where she died." + +She opened the door of the adjoining room as gently as if she feared to +wake some sleeper, and let me stand on the threshold. + +I saw a light, square chamber, through whose one window the sun was +shining. These walls, too, were merely whitewashed, but they were +adorned with a few engravings in dark wooden frames, and the simple but +tasteful furniture, a sofa with a bright calico cover, a book-case, +a chest of drawers, a bed with white curtains, the flowers on the +window-sill, would have made a cheerful impression, had not a coffin +stood on a low trestle in the middle of the room. Over the shining +boards was flung a large, gayly embroidered rug, whose artistically +wrought flowers and vines were almost entirely concealed by garlands of +natural blossoms. The dead woman was attired in a plain white shroud; +the head was toward the window; at the feet lay a large laurel wreath +tied with a broad white satin bow; the hands, which were large, but +very beautiful in shape, rested on the bosom, but were not clasped; the +head inclined a little to the right, so that I could see it perfectly +from the threshold. + +There was nothing to inspire horror; a quiet, mysterious charm pervaded +the features, which, spite of the silvery hue of the smoothly brushed +hair, still wore a look of youth: it was the face of a beautiful woman +in her prime, who had lain down on her last couch in the full vigor of +life. I said to myself that to have known this sleeper, while living, +must have been no ordinary happiness, and those whom she had chosen for +her friends had been most fortunate. A feeling of regret stole over me +that I had never pressed that firm hand, nor heard a word from those +calmly closed lips, never seen the face brightened by a smile. + +Who was she? How had this noble woman condescended to make one of the +number of the inmates of the almshouse, and who had laid the laurel +wreath at her feet? + +My eyes quitted the pallid face a moment and wandered to the sunny +window. There I saw the mute figure, clad in black, still gazing +fixedly in. He did not even seem to see me, but stood motionless, +watching the lifeless form, of which only the head and the tips of the +feet were visible to him. I now distinctly saw large tears gush from +his dilated, motionless eyes, and course down his pale cheeks. + +"Mother," I asked softly, "who is the man outside of the window?" + +I had forgotten that her deafness would prevent her understanding me. +Just at that moment a clear little bell began to ring from the steeple +of the chapel. The old dame looked up. + +"It is four o'clock," she said; "the services will begin. You can't +stay here any longer, sir; the pastor and the others will come +directly. But if you stand by the trellis outside you can see +everything. Oh, dear! Now the sad end is coming! But God's will be +done! Only, may it be my turn soon. Come, sir, there are the bearers." + +Six men in long black coats entered, and I was obliged to leave the +room. In the corridor I met the pastor in his robes, and a tall, +broad-shouldered man, with a sorrowful face--the burgomaster, the old +dame whispered. Outside the house a large crowd of people had +assembled, who eyed me with surprise and curiosity. Most of them were +women in mourning-garments, but in their midst was a group of young +girls dressed in white, with large black bows, and black veils on their +heads. Each carried a garland of flowers on her arm, and the eyes of +all were full of tears. I perceived that, as a total stranger, I ought +to keep myself as much out of sight as possible, and hurried around the +house to a post by the garden-fence, whence I could overlook the chapel +and the cemetery. + +The solitary man in the black coat had disappeared. + +The bell continued to toll, the birds twittered in the linden boughs, +but spite of the surging throng the spot was otherwise so still that we +could distinctly hear the coffin-lid screwed on. A few minutes after, +the funeral procession began to move, headed by the pastor; then came +the bearers with the coffin, over which hung the gay rug covered with +garlands, close behind it the aged paupers, six in number, then the +young girls, two by two, carrying their wreaths, and behind them the +burgomaster and many stately men, evidently the dignitaries of the +little place. Last of all came the women and less important citizens, +in such a throng that the open space between the house and the +chapel was filled with the crowd. But scarcely had the pastor +entered the consecrated ground, when, from behind a dense clump of +elderberry-bushes on the edge of the cemetery, floated the notes of a +chant, a beautiful, simple melody, wholly unfamiliar to me, which +did not sound as if it came from a hymn-book. Clear, boyish voices, +well-trained, fresh, and pure, as children alone sing ere they have +learned to understand the solemnity of death and can not belie their +joyousness even in a dirge. + +There were only three verses, then the clergyman began his address, of +which I could distinguish but a few words in my distant corner. But it +must have been very touching, for all present showed the deepest +emotion, and the suppressed sobbing was communicated to the farthest +ranks. I regretted that I had not ventured nearer, I so much desired to +know who this noble woman was, and why she had enjoyed such universal +reverence and love. + +But I could only indistinctly see the pastor raise his hand to bless +first the open grave and then the mourning parish, the young girls +approach and throw their wreaths upon the coffin, and the whole +assembly press forward to scatter a handful of earth upon the flowers. +During this ceremony, which occupied some time, the boys' voices were +again raised, and this time I plainly heard the words: + + "Like her in sweet repose, + All the sainted--" + +and, as a sunbeam now pierced the elder-bushes, I saw the bared head of +the man at the window, who was standing among the young singers, slowly +and solemnly beating time with his hand. + +The little bell had stopped ringing, the throng noiselessly dispersed +without the unfeeling buzz and murmur which usually rise at once when +people have merely dutifully paid the last honors to one who has +departed from their midst. I remained quietly in my place watching the +throng move off in the direction of the town, while the old dames, +coughing and panting, returned home. My intention was to approach the +lonely man, who I thought would be the last to quit the grave, and +modestly express my desire to learn some particulars of the dead woman. +But when I entered the cemetery and glanced toward the elder-bushes, +there was no trace of him. + +It was now quite time for me to return to the hotel, where my carriage +must already be waiting. I consoled myself by the belief that the +postmaster would undoubtedly be fully informed about the Canoness. The +pale, still face, with the silvery halo around the head, in the +mysterious twilight, still hovered before me, and I quickened my pace +to obtain a solution of the mystery. + +The path I took through the grain-fields, along whose edges grew small +cherry-trees, did not lead me back to the city-gate, but to a different +part of the wall, which I found entirely deserted. There was not a +single baby-carriage, nor a pedestrian resting on any of the benches. +Yet it was pleasant to saunter along in the shade, and I lapsed into a +comfortable, dreamy state, which is really the greatest advantage of +travel, because we shake off our daily dull routine of occupation, and, +in some strange manner, feel as if we had just dropped from the moon +and were strangers in this world, to whom the most trivial thing +appears new and wonderful. + +Suddenly I stopped. Sitting on the next bench, in front of me, I saw +the man in the black coat whom I had just vainly sought. He was +evidently so much absorbed in his own thoughts that he did not hear me, +but sat gazing out over the open country and the waters of the lake, or +rather at the little chapel and the small portion of the almshouse +cemetery visible from this point. I could now obtain a near view of his +delicate, regular features, and was particularly struck by the +beautiful arch of the brow, and the character expressed in the nose, +which was by no means small. His hat lay on the bench at his side, and +his clasped hands rested on his knee. + +He now perceived me, but remained perfectly motionless, as if he could +thereby render himself invisible and induce me to pass on. + +But I was not disposed to let the favorable chance slip. + +"Allow me to sit with you a moment, sir," I said. "I am passing through +here on a journey, and am somewhat fatigued by rambling about. I must +set out again in fifteen minutes, much as I regret not becoming more +familiar with the pretty town. A walk on the walls like this can not be +easily found, far or near." + +He made no reply, merely bent his head slightly and took up his hat to +give me the other half of the bench. I sat down, and we remained silent +for a time. + +"Pardon me," I said at last, "if I seem intrusive, and perhaps disturb +you in a mood in which one prefers to be entirely alone. But I was a +witness of the funeral that has just taken place, and, as the image of +the lifeless form I saw just before in the coffin has haunted me ever +since, and I fancied I read a remarkable destiny on the noble brow, you +can probably understand that I am reluctant to leave here without +learning some particulars of her fate. One of the old women in the +almshouse below gave me some information which, though very vague and +insufficient, only increased my interest. You seem to have been on more +intimate terms with this universally respected woman. If you would see +a better motive in my question than idle curiosity, I should be very +grateful to you for any details of her life you might be willing to +give." + +I saw a faint flush mount into his face. He gazed steadily into vacancy +for a while, as if irresolute what to answer. Suddenly he seized his +hat, rose, and, bowing to me, said: + +"Pardon me, sir--I have--my time will not permit--I wish you a pleasant +journey." + +Then he turned and walked away with long, but not hurried steps, while +I remained on the bench in a mood of painful discomfiture. + +At first I was uncertain whether I had done wrong, or merely applied to +the wrong person. But I soon distinctly perceived that the fault was +mine. This resident of the provinces, on whose deep grief I had +intruded with a bold question, as if he must consider it an honor to +afford a traveler information about anything worthy of note, even if it +concerned his most sacred private feelings, had given me a well-merited +lesson. How indelicate to put the question point-blank, without any +introduction, like a police-officer inspecting a passport, and, ere the +tears were fairly dry on his lashes, request from him an obituary of +the dead woman, such as a newspaper reporter would unfeelingly insert +in a daily journal. Perhaps, had I been more considerate of his +feelings, cautiously gained his confidence without revealing my +object--! But, as it was, I ought not to complain of having received a +refusal, whose manner showed that I had addressed a cultivated man. + +At last, very much displeased with myself, I rose and tried to reach my +hotel by the shortest cut. Even the desire to question the postmaster +had deserted me. I would gladly have driven the Canoness--who was now +associated with a humiliating remembrance--entirely out of my mind, +and, in fact, at that time I was to learn nothing more about her. My +light carriage stood waiting in front of the house, but the landlord +had been suddenly called away on some business; so I remained no longer +than to drink a little wine and seltzer-water, for my tongue was +parched, and then urged the driver to hurry that I might reach my +destination before night. + +Even at my friend's house I did not mention my experiences in St. ----. +As he had only lived in the neighborhood a short time, and was +completely engrossed by his immediate duties and occupations, he had +scarcely had an opportunity to become familiar with the local history +of the place. Only it chanced to be mentioned that the dismantled +coasting-steamer had belonged to a bankrupt firm and been taken by one +of the creditors, who had hoped to sell it again for the value of the +material. As it did not immediately find a purchaser, he had had the +worn-out invalid brought to the inland lake, where it was now enjoying +rest from its labors. + +I spent a few refreshing days in my friend's pretty house, which +unfortunately was situated in a most prosaic neighborhood, and when I +returned to Berlin the memory of the hour in the cemetery had already +become considerably fainter. + +But, like every reminder of our weaknesses and follies, it never wholly +vanished. So no one will marvel that I was most agreeably surprised +when, a year afterward, I received by mail a heavy parcel, accompanied +by the following lines: + + +MOST HONORED SIR: Unfortunately, I am not so happy as to be able to +present myself as a total stranger. For I must commence my letter by +apologizing for an offense committed more than a year ago, when I had +the honor of making your acquaintance, if this word can be applied to a +meeting in which both persons remained wholly unknown to each other. + +True, I am ignorant whether you have retained any recollection of the +uncourteous person who had no other reply to a friendly question than +to quit you so abruptly. You are living in the current of the world, +which washes away so many trivial things, and effaces old impressions +with a thousand new ones. An inhabitant of the provinces, of my +temperament, has nothing to interrupt him in the unpleasant task of +thrusting still deeper into his flesh, in the endeavor to withdraw +them, the thorns implanted by a fleeting moment. + +Directly after leaving you I had, it is true, no other unpleasant +feeling than that a total stranger had disturbed me amid the indulgence +of a fresh sorrow. But at the end of an hour, when I recalled your +words and tones, and the gestures accompanying them, I was seized with +shame for my boorish conduct. You had been present at the funeral, had +even gazed with deep interest at the face of the dead: what was more +natural than that you should marvel how that queenly head could rest on +the hard pillow of an almshouse coffin, though the mourning of a whole +city followed it? And how could you suspect that the man to whom you +applied for information suffered most keenly from the universal loss, +and at that hour had so bitter a taste of the earth-mold on his tongue +that he could not have uttered a word, had his own brother accosted +him? + +When I clearly perceived this, and had partly regained my calmness, I +hurried to the hotel, firmly intending to apologize for my incivility +and tell you at least enough to have enabled you to understand my +sorrowful obduracy. You had already continued your journey. I only +found your name in the landlord's book, and doubly regretted my +unseemly conduct. I was familiar with some of your books, and said to +myself that you, of all men, could not have spoken from mere empty +curiosity, but from genuine interest in everything relating to human +nature, and you, if any one, would have been capable of feeling with me +that the death of such a woman is a loss to the whole world. + +What had happened could not be altered, but, to somewhat alleviate the +discomfort of my regrets, I began the very next day to write down, for +my justification and penance, everything I had left unsaid, intending +to lay it before you and thereby obtain absolution for the sin of +silence I had formerly committed. + +I meant to be very brief. But my heart took possession of my pen, and +the short narrative of this remarkable life has become a shapeless +"history in detail," whose swelling daily alarmed me, though I was +unable to confine the overflowing torrent of memories into a narrower +channel. + +I have spent a whole year in writing, as I only found leisure for it +during a few evening hours, and often for weeks together could not find +courage to summon up the spirits of the departed. Will you have +patience to read to the end? Far more important persons and destinies +have passed before your notice, and you will more than once have +occasion to smile at the value attached to apparently trivial incidents +by a person whose horizon is so limited as that of my insignificant +self. Besides, I am a clumsy writer, and do not understand the literary +art of polishing even a pebble till in the sunlight it looks like a +costly gem. + +Yet, even if you merely cast a pitying glance at these memoranda, I +think I can venture to promise that the principal character in this +true story will fix your interest and win from you the acknowledgment +that it was worth while to follow her unusual life-path with the care +of a truth-loving chronicler. + +So I trustfully commit to you the clumsy manuscript, which I entreat +you to burn after you have read it. It owes its existence solely to my +purpose of paying my debt to you, and with sincere respect, I am + + Your devoted + + Johannes Theodor Weissbrod, + + _ex-Cand. Theol_. + + +I confess that, in spite of this letter, whose simple, amiable style +recalled to me every feature of the writer's face, so full of feeling, +I took up the bulky manuscript with a certain dread. More than three +hundred closely written pages--who could tell with how much theological +speculation the simple life-history had been garnished. But the very +first pages dispelled the doubt, and the farther I read the more eager +was my interest in both contents and narrative. When I laid the last +sheets down, I said to myself aloud: Yes, it was indeed worth while. + +With this opinion I instantly wrote to the author, begging him not to +confine this confession to ourselves, but by its publication edify all +who, in our hurried and corrupt age, had preserved minds capable of +appreciating simple grandeur of soul and the natural nobility of +humanity. + +He did not keep me waiting long for his answer. + +"Dearest sir and friend," he wrote--"for the friends of our friends are +ours, and the warmth with which you speak of my departed friend +justifies me in believing that you cherish a kindly feeling toward me +also--no, I can not bring myself to regard this account of my most +private experiences as a literary production, and appear in it before +the cold eyes of the public. Apart from all other considerations, +however, the careless, thoroughly untrained literary style appears to +me an unconquerable obstacle. Yet, if you would undertake to subject +these pages to a thorough revision, provide the splendid kernel which +is no merit of mine, with a new and more fitting husk! But, even then, +I could not wholly conquer my secret reluctance. I live in complete +seclusion; those who know me best, with the exception of one friend of +my youth, regard me as a mere commonplace day-laborer in the shape of a +pedagogue. The publication of such a work would suddenly render me an +'object of notice,' and nothing is less readily forgiven in a +provincial sphere than any departure from the every-day routine of +existence. + +"But I will say this, my honored friend: If my unpretending story +really seems to you so valuable that you desire to save it from a fiery +death, keep the volume till I am no more. You will then be at liberty +to publish it--of course, with the abridgment necessary where my +personal interest has made me unwarrantably garrulous, and the omission +of the guide-posts that would point out persons still living, or the +descendants of certain families. The names of cities and communities +ought also in justice to be suppressed. Nothing appears to me more +contemptible than the modern effort to attain, by the disclosure of +actual events, a success which mere skillful literary invention could +not have hoped to secure. + +"For the rest, I am entirely of your opinion that a life like the one +described here is well fitted to set an example, and that it seems +almost a duty to transmit the memory of so rare and lofty a human +character to future generations." + + +This was the last direct communication I had from the admirable man. I +did not venture to make any further effort to shake his resolution, and +for two decades his manuscript was carefully treasured in my desk. + +Early this year I received a letter, written by an unknown hand, and +bearing the postmark of the city in the Mark. The principal of the +grammar-school there informed me that his friend, after having enjoyed +the best possible health to the last, had been found one morning dead +in his bed! He had been buried, according to the directions of his +will, in the almshouse church-yard, by the side of the Canoness, amid +the sincere grief of the whole community. Among his papers had been +found the request that I should be informed of his demise. + +So I may doubtless consider myself as his executor in at least bringing +the following pages from their concealment. While re-reading them I +have made only the most modest use of the authority to erase and alter +at pleasure--only here and there a certain inequality of style will +show that another hand has interposed to make some obscure passage +clearer, or correct some awkward expression. In the main, I have left +everything as I found it; for it seems to me that the unassuming series +of pictures in this biographical romance, as it may be called, would +scarcely have gained greater vivacity and charm by a more careful +grouping or more artistic execution, while the impression of simple +truthfulness might have been impaired. With little art, clear wit and +sense suggest their own delivery; and, I may add, that as the love of a +warm and noble heart transfigures even the most insignificant +countenance from whose eyes it shines, much more does it illuminate +features as expressive and beautiful as those that look forth at us +from between the lines of this narrative. + + + + + + HERR WEISSBROD'S STORY. + + + + + I. + + +I must preface the following record with the entreaty that it may not +be regarded as puerile vanity if I begin with my insignificant self and +allow my own personality to appear in the course of my story more +frequently than it may deserve. The nature of the case requires it. My +own valueless destiny is as inseparably connected with the life of the +principal personage as the insignificant thread is a part of the pearl +necklace whose costly gems are strung upon it. Unfortunately, there are +some parts where the jewels are missing, and then only the gray thread +appears. But I will try to make these spaces as short as possible; for +I am only too well aware that my own existence has merely gained what +little worth it possesses because Providence brought me into the +vicinity of so rare a creature, and permitted me to move around her and +receive light and warmth, as a planet from the sun. + +True, I certainly did not begin life with so modest an estimate of +myself. Nay, I imagined that I was well fitted to let my light shine as +the center of a little planetary system of my own. At a very early age +I was praised in my family and notorious among my school-fellows as a +pattern boy, and the blows I received from the latter--and had richly +deserved by my ridiculous boasting--only helped to increase my +arrogance. All exalted minds, I said to myself, have been obliged to +atone for their superiority by calamity and persecution. Nay, I even +went so far as to compare myself with the Son of man, and should not +have been surprised had some Herod yearned for the life of the child +who felt himself destined to redeem the poor, sinful world, and +meanwhile showed his teachers in the town-school contemptible cajolery +and faultlessly written exercises. + +When I was fourteen my father, who was a true Christian and a faithful +servant of the Word, was transferred from the town parish to be +superintendent in Berlin. My mother had died young, and my father, who +was completely absorbed in his official duties, left me--with too much +confidence--to myself. An elderly, somewhat weak-minded aunt, who even +in the great city kept house for us, regarded me as a small miracle, +and, therefore, had neither judgment nor power to uproot the weeds of +spiritual arrogance from my heart. The latter had already flourished so +rankly that they continued to grow luxuriantly even in the freer air of +the capital. When, at eighteen, I entered the university, I instantly +formed a pietistical society, which behaved almost like a students' +consistory. We preached to each other to our hearts' content, debated +the most difficult theological points of controversy, wrote hymns, +which I set to music and accompanied on our harmonium; in short, we +were a set of insufferable young saints, not a single one of whom, +had he knocked at the door of heaven with his long locks and meekly +turned-down collar, would Saint Peter have admitted. + +I need scarcely state that I held aloof from all worldly amusements, +considered the theatre a vestibule of hell, and the other beautiful +arts as mere pagan jugglery. But the thing that now seems to me the +drollest of all is the relation I then occupied toward the female sex. +With the best intentions, I could imagine pure maids and matrons in no +other guise than as a devout congregation in Sunday attire, gazing +upward in gentle ecstasy at their pastor, and drinking in with fervent +gratitude the heavenly dew that fell from his lips. In some far remote +background of time I beheld one of these humble creatures nestling in +my embrace, trembling in the ecstasy of her bliss, and overwhelmed with +gratitude at the knowledge of being chosen before all her sisters to +stand by the side of the man of God--whom she had long secretly +worshiped--as his unworthy wife, iron his snow-white bands, embroider +his slippers, and write down his sermon every Sunday. + +In this state of supernal self-glorification, I considered it only +natural that, as soon as I had passed my examination with special +brilliancy, and crossed the threshold of the position of candidate, the +most advantageous projects should open to me from more than one +direction. My dear father's heart was far too kind, and he practiced +the injunction of Christian charity of his own impulse in too wide a +sense, to permit him to find his salary sufficient either in the little +town or the great capital, and when suddenly summoned from this life he +left me nothing but his blessing and a choice theological library, the +only luxury he had ever allowed himself. + +I was now forced to rely, with God's assistance, upon myself, and as, +with all the innocence of the dove, I possessed a sufficient measure of +the wisdom of the serpent, I did not merely examine superficially the +three places offered to me, but made careful inquiries to discover in +which one I should have the softest bed. All three were tutor's +situations in the country, with a prospect of the pastorate, which +would fall vacant in a longer or shorter time. I decided in favor of +the estate of the most aristocratic of the three employers, who also +owned two villages located in a region described to me as being very +fertile and not lacking in rural beauty. The pastor there was almost +eighty; the baron's children, whom I was to teach, were but two in +number, a boy, and a girl twelve or fourteen years old; my patron was +reported to be particularly strict in his religious views, and--a fact +by no means least influential--his letter, which my dear father +received with tears of joy on his death-bed and read aloud to me in a +trembling voice, expressed emphatic praise of my admirable self, a +pleasant report of my gifts and virtues having spread through the +country. + +So in my heart I praised God, who so paternally provided a fitting +career for his favorites here below, embraced my poor old aunt, who was +left behind in a wretched attic, and set forth on the journey to my +paradise with proud hopes and a joyousness but slightly subdued by my +recent grief. + + + * * * * * + + +This exalted mood was somewhat depressed when, on reaching the last +railway-station, I vainly looked for the coach in which I was to make +my entry into the place of my destination. The baron had written that +he would send for me. I expected nothing less than a splendid carriage, +not drawn by four horses, it is true, but perhaps hung with garlands as +befits a young ecclesiastical conqueror. Instead, there was nothing +stopping at the station but an insignificant cart, which I suspected +was generally used for the transportation of calves or sheep, drawn by +two plow-horses, dejectedly switching their long tails to and fro. An +old man-servant, who did not even take the stump of a pipe from his +mouth when he came up to me, asked in his surly Low German dialect if I +was the tutor whom he was to take to the estate, then, with many a +muttered oath, lifted my trunk and three heavy boxes of books into the +cart, and pointed with his whip to the seat, where the sole provision +made for my comfort was a thin leather cushion. + +He himself--after relighting his pipe and starting his horses by a +drawling Hi-i!--trudged beside the cart as it creaked slowly along. + +I tried to bear my disappointment with Christian resignation, and, +after we had gone a few hundred paces, asked in my gentlest voice how +far the castle was, and whether we were to go the whole distance at a +walk. + +The horses were plowing all day yesterday, growled the old man, and the +road was too bad for them to trot. We should be two hours at least, +"p'raps a bit more"; the sand began just beyond the next village, and +then, with the big boxes, we should move still more slowly. + +Rustic ways! I thought, to console myself, jolted about on my hard seat +for a while longer, and, at the beginning of the sandy road, which ran +sometimes between fields and meadows, sometimes between low fir-woods, +sprang nimbly from the cart to relieve the panting animals. It was +toward the end of April, a warm spring wind blew over the wide, quiet +country, the crows were perched in dense flocks on the freshly turned +furrows, and the low twittering of birds was heard from the bare tops +of the birches. At three and twenty the theological bark around my +heart was not yet hard enough to prevent all this stir and movement of +Nature from penetrating it. In a very short time, while striding a few +horse-lengths ahead of my vehicle, I was so happy in the thought of my +God that I seemed to myself like King David, and my great wooden trunk +the ark of the covenant, and could scarcely refrain from falling into a +dancing step and letting the hymns I was singing in my heart escape my +lips. + +Yet I was glad when the two hours and "p'raps a bit more" were over, +and old Krischan, pointing with his whip to the roof of a tower, +visible between the lofty elms in the avenue, muttered between his +teeth: "Here we are!" + +I had made several vain efforts on the way to question him about the +lord of the castle and his family. I had learned nothing except that +the baron was "a bit strict," and the old baroness "always very kind +and gracious." Of the heir he only uttered a significant hum! and of +the pastor merely said, "He's poorly just now." So my curiosity and +impatience increased with every step the horses took in the grinding +sand; and, as the rural charms of which I had dreamed were nowhere +visible, the village through which I passed differed in no respect from +an utterly unattractive Mark hamlet, and the few women and children who +stared at me from the doors of the houses appeared extremely +indifferent to the great event of my arrival, I climbed back with a +sigh into the cart as we turned into the avenue and traversed the rest +of the way at a trot. + +We drove directly up to the castle, which looked very stately through +the bare branches, and, as the road at last passed over a slight +ascent, the horses relapsed into their former comfortable walk. Yet we +overtook a queer little cart, to which the--according to the Mark +ideas--considerable hill gave more trouble than to us. + +A very old woman had harnessed herself and a spotted dog to a small +hand-cart, heavily laden with a large, well-filled sack, several +bundles of fagots, and various utensils and tools, the whole, tied +together with old ropes, towering so high aloft that the swaying +structure could scarcely keep its balance. The little dog's red tongue +was hanging out of its mouth, and the old dame panted and coughed as +she bent under the drawing-rope, which cut deep into her shoulder. +Spite of her four-footed assistant, she could scarcely have pulled the +load up-hill, had not a vigorous push from behind aided her. This was +given by a tall, slender figure, a young lady dressed in city style, +who, with both hands braced against the back, walked firmly on, +relieving the toiling pair of half the weight. + +As we passed she merely turned her face toward us for a moment without +the slightest change of expression. I could not see her features +distinctly, owing to the shifting play of the shadows cast by the bare +branches above, but I perceived that the face was young and grave. It +made a singular impression on me, though she flashed but a single +glance at me and then instantly lowered her eyes. I noticed too that +her smoothly brushed hair, over which she had knotted a black kerchief, +was of a remarkable dark golden hue, somewhat similar to amber. I +perceived also that she wore a blue polonaise of rather old-fashioned +cut, trimmed with a narrow border of gray fur. Then the old vehicle was +left behind, and I did not venture to look back. + +"That's the Canoness!" said Krischan, who had taken his pipe out of his +mouth and lifted his cap respectfully; "and the old one is Mother +Lieschen." + +"The Canoness!" I repeated in surprise. "Has the baron so old a +daughter?" + +"No, sir. The baron's daughter is only fourteen. She's Fräulein +Leopoldine. But the Canoness--hi!" + +He urged on his bays with a loud crack of the whip, for we were just +turning out of the avenue into the castle court-yard. I was obliged to +repress my curiosity for the present. + + + * * * * * + + +The castle really did honor to its name. It was a very large building, +dating back from the commencement of the previous century, with a lofty +lower story, to which led a double flight of broad steps, above which +was a second story richly decorated with stucco ornaments--a style, +however, that did not exactly harmonize with the peaked roof and +irregular attic windows. From this central building a wing extended at +right angles on the left almost to the avenue of elms, while the right +wing, which, as I afterward learned, had been destroyed by a great +fire, was replaced by a clumsy square tower three stories high. Yet +this tower bore above its four gables a gigantic cupola, garnished with +pinnacles and battlements of all sorts, which gave it an air of +chivalrous boldness. + +A servant in a light-green livery received me at the top of the steps, +said that his master was expecting me, and ushered me into the house +with condescending familiarity, as if he considered me a sort of +colleague. The cool, dim hall paved with tiles, the broad stone +staircase, the antlers that adorned the walls, the numerous servants of +both sexes, who were peeping curiously from different doors, produced a +strong impression upon me, though I secretly regretted the absence of a +more formal reception by my future patron's assembled family. But I +consoled myself with the thought that this was the genuine aristocratic +demeanor, and resolved to maintain my own dignity and command the +respect due my ecclesiastical character even from high-born laymen. + +Meantime I had climbed the steep stairs to the highest story in the +tower till I was fairly out of breath. But when I entered the apartment +the footman showed me as mine, I was instantly reconciled to the +quarters gained by the toilsome ascent. It was a corner room with four +wide, almost square windows, which afforded a most superb view, over +the tops of the trees in the avenue, of fields and moorland, forest and +farms, and the village houses gathered about the handsome village +church like a flock of chickens around the clucking hen. The whole +scene was steeped in the brightest noonday sunlight, and filmy bluish +clouds floated from the chimneys of the low straw-thatched roofs, +pierced by single sunbeams, and swayed to and fro by a fresh April +breeze. + +Dinner would be served in fifteen minutes, the servant said. Did +the Herr Candidate want anything? I asked for my trunks, and had just +time to brush the dust of my journey from my clothing, when a big, +hollow-sounding bell, which roused a welcome echo in my empty stomach, +began to ring in the hall below. + +I cast one more glance into the tiny mirror, which, like the rest of +the furniture, did not produce a very magnificent impression, and, +after having combed my hair smoothly, and pushed my long locks neatly +behind my ears, descended the steep tower-stairs, spite of the +consciousness of my ecclesiastical dignity, with a somewhat quickened +pulsation of the heart. + +The dining-room was on the lower floor, directly behind the +entrance-hall, a vaulted apartment, whose four high windows looked out +upon the garden. The wide glass door in the center opened on a small +terrace, from which a few steps led to the flower-beds. But I did not +notice all this at my first entrance, as my whole interest was +engrossed by the various persons who were assembled. + +A tall, extremely dignified gentleman, with very handsome, regular +features, and mustache and whiskers cut in military fashion, came up to +me, held out his well-kept hand, and said, in a voice whose musical +tones he himself seemed to enjoy: "May the Lord bless your coming and +going, Herr Candidate!" + +I bowed silently, and was led to a little lady attired in a black +silk dress and a large white lace cap, who sat in the depths of a tall +arm-chair. + +"Here, my dear Elizabeth," said the baron, "I present to you Candidate +Johannes Weissbrod, who, with God's blessing, will aid us in the +education of our Achatz! Achatz!" he called, turning to a pale-faced +boy, evidently backward in mental development, who stood giggling with +a tall young girl at the other end of the hall. The lad came slowly +forward, eying me askance with mingled shyness and defiance, and only +at his father's repeated desire gave me a thin yellow hand. I noticed +at the first glance the striking resemblance between him and his +mother. The latter was remarkably plain; she had a shrunken, withered +face, which strongly reminded me of old General Zieten, to whom, I +afterward learned, the baroness was distantly related. Even a little +Hussar mustache was not lacking, and the sight of the tiny witch-like +scarecrow was so melancholy, especially by the side of her husband's +stately figure, that in my first confusion I actually forgot the fine +speech with which I had intended to present myself, and could only bow +silently and kiss the diminutive hand the little specter extended to +me. + +But, as I straightened myself again, a warm, irresistibly kind glance +fell upon me from the small gray eyes, and such a touching, child-like +voice came from the little withered mouth, saying, "I shall be deeply +grateful to you, Herr Candidate, for everything you do in behalf of my +dear son," that I lowered my eyes in actual confusion, and felt a +sincere reverence for the little lady, whom I had just held in such +light esteem. I would make every possible effort, I stammered, laying +my hand on the boy's rough fair locks. But he shook off the friendly +touch so rudely that I instantly saw that the effort would certainly be +no easy one. + +Meantime his sister had also approached me. She bore as strong a +resemblance to her handsome father as the boy to his mother. I +addressed a pleasant remark to her, which she answered by a haughty +curl of her full red lips. But there was still another feminine member +of the company, a lady, whom I supposed to be about thirty, not so +tall as the young baroness, but of a more elegant figure and with +serpent-like swiftness of motion. "This is a beloved member of our +household, Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel," said the baron, as he led me +to her. "She is a true blessing from the Lord to us all, shortening the +long hours to my suffering wife, helping my daughter in her French +lessons, and sometimes chatting my own anxieties away." As he spoke he +bent over the young lady's hand, and, with chivalrous gallantry, +pressed it to his lips. + +I know not why the act displeased me. My knowledge of the world and +society was still slight, and nothing could be more natural than an act +of courtesy by which the master of the house endeavored to lighten the +discomfort of a subordinate position to a lady. Nor was there anything +worthy of censure in the Frenchwoman's conduct. She was studiously +polite to every one, not excepting her insignificant fellow-slave, +myself, and, after becoming accustomed to a certain piercing light in +her dark eyes, no one could help thinking her attractive. So I could +only explain my strange aversion by the belief that, in her society, I +was almost always conscious of my defective French, and therefore, +though she spoke to me only in German, I felt her presence as an +embarrassment. + +We were about to take our places at the table, which, set for eight +persons, stood in the middle of the room. The baron had already +escorted his little wife to her seat opposite to the glass door, and +the young heir had seized his sister's braids to drive her to the table +like a horse, when the door into the hall opened and another person +appeared, a tall, thin man in a plain gray hunting-coat, with horn +buttons, high boots, and a shabby gray felt hat on his head. It was +evident at the first glance that he must be a brother of the master of +the house, only he lacked the elegance that pervaded the latter's whole +appearance. + +He entered noiselessly with a slight smile, half sad, half humorous, +that lent his beautiful beardless lips a very pleasant expression, went +slowly up to the mistress of the house, whose hand he silently kissed, +and nodded to his niece, but without vouchsafing me anything more than +an indifferent glance. + +"Where is Luise?" asked the baron. + +The little old lady gazed at him with a look of timid entreaty. I +noticed that he had some angry remark on his tongue, but his son +interposed. + +"She harnessed herself to Mother Lieschen's dogcart," he said loudly, +with a jeering laugh, which displeased me extremely; and then whispered +into his sister's ear so that all could hear, "I laughed at her well, +and she tried to hit me, but I was spryer." + +And the little toad giggled spitefully. + +The baron uttered a few words in French, which I did not understand. +Then he clasped his hands on the back of the chair, and said: "Let us +thank the Lord." + +He asked a blessing, which did not seem to me amiss, only it appeared +somewhat lengthy, especially as Achatz was constantly nudging his +sister in the side with his elbow. Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel made the +sign of the cross at its beginning and end, which led me to secretly +wonder how a Catholic could have been received into this rigidly +Protestant family. Yet none of the others seemed to find it +objectionable. + +The company then took their places at the table, the baroness at the +head between her two children, the master of the house next to Achatz, +then the French governess, by whose side my seat was assigned. There +was a vacant chair opposite, next Fräulein Leopoldine, then came the +baron's brother, to whom he presented me as we were taking our seats: +"Herr Candidate Johannes Weissbrod--my brother Joachim." + +Just as the soup was being served, the folding-door again opened and +the missing Luise entered, who of course proved to be the Canoness whom +I had passed in the elm avenue outside. She had taken off her blue +polonaise and little black kerchief, and in a plain gray dress, with +snow-white frill, looked even more slender than before, somewhat as +ancient statues represent the goddess of the chase. Her face was +slightly flushed, whether from embarrassment or her hurried walk I +could not determine. Yet she did not hang her head like a penitent, but +went straight up to the old lady, bent down and kissed her cheek, then +bore the baron's reproving glance without lowering her lashes, and +silently took the vacant chair between the daughter of the house and +"brother Joachim." + +Achatz stared and giggled, but grew as still as a mouse when she cast a +sharp, quiet look at him across the table. I now saw that she had +sparkling dark-brown eyes, against which the golden lashes stood forth +in strong relief. Yet, on the whole, she did not seem to me so +beautiful as when out-of-doors under the shadow of the elm-trees. + +There was a stern, defiant expression in her face, very unlike my ideal +of feminine charm and lamb-like meekness. Moreover, she seemed to +entirely overlook my precious self, which gave me no favorable +impression of her character. Without uttering a word, she exchanged a +hurried clasp of the hand with her next neighbor at table and then +began to eat as indifferently as though she had been entirely alone. + +I was somewhat annoyed because I had received no special introduction +to her; but my thoughts were soon directed from this perplexing young +creature by the baron, who commenced a theological conversation with +me, in which he showed himself a zealous Lutheran of the most rigid +type. I was extremely cautious at first, having heard that he was a +remarkably learned man. But I soon perceived that his knowledge was +utterly unsubstantial; he merely scattered broadcast certain names and +titles of books, which had been new years before, and persistently +repeated a few established formulas, on which he set far too much +value. He seemed especially to have received the stamp of the +Schleiermacher school, repeated a pun on the name of its founder two or +three times, but did not appear to have read even a page of his +"Dogmatik" or of the "Discourses on Religion." + +The whole conversation was evidently solely intended to inspire me with +a high opinion of his knowledge and spiritual enlightenment, though he +himself did not really feel the slightest interest in the matter, for +he turned a deaf ear to my modest objections, and as--though I regarded +myself a valiant champion of the true faith--I knew how to keep my +polished sword in its sheath on occasion, this first theological +tourney passed off with mutual satisfaction. I only regretted that my +position in the house forbade me to stretch my opponent on the sand and +receive from fair hands the prize of victory. + + + * * * * * + + +During the whole dinner no one except the baron and myself had spoken. +The mistress of the house gazed into vacancy with a look of quiet +suffering, ate very little, and only showed herself eager to fill her +husband's glass as soon as he had emptied it, which in the zeal of his +debate occurred every moment. The others drank nothing but water, +except Mademoiselle Suzon, whose glass, spite of her coquettish +reluctance, the baron filled twice with Bordeaux. Two liveried servants +moved to and fro as if shod with felt; but for so aristocratic a +household the meal seemed to me rather meager and niggardly. + +After dinner the baron, lighting a short hunting-pipe, took me into his +study and discussed the plan of instruction I was to pursue with the +heir. Biblical history, the catechism, the history of his native +country, a little geography--the lessons in the two latter branches +were to be shared with Leopoldine. She was far more talented than her +brother, my patron remarked; but the lad possessed the germ of a +genuine old-school Mark nobleman and an orthodox Christian, though it +was overgrown by all manner of boyish naughtinesses. His affectionate +papa hoped, from my experience in teaching and theological training, +that my pupil would soon visibly grow in favor with God and man. + +At the same time the baron allowed me to see that upon my success would +depend my future position and promotion to the living. The present +pastor, with increasing age, would become less and less capable of +maintaining the strict discipline that was desirable, already displayed +a lamentable tolerance in matters of faith, and, if he did not shortly +apply for a discharge from his office, it would be necessary to obtain +his removal. + +When I left my patron's study, I should have liked to give my pupil a +short examination at once and commence the training of the young plant +intrusted to my charge. Achatz, however, was neither within sight nor +hearing, but had disappeared, like the other members of the Round +Table. So I went up to my tower-room, and set about unpacking my books. +An old servant, who appeared to be the factotum of everybody in the +castle who wanted help, made me--as there was no book-case--two rude +sets of shelves out of boards, which, however, after they were filled +with my ecclesiastical works, looked very respectable. My pupil's room +adjoined mine. "Who occupies the second story under us?" I asked. "The +young baroness and Fräulein Luise," was the reply. I don't know why +this annoyed me, but I should have preferred to avoid the vicinity of +the Canoness. + +While thus occupied, twilight had closed in, and I resolved to walk +down to the village and call on the old pastor. + +As I entered the long village street, I prepared to assume the most +gracious manner. The worthy folk should have an idea of what they might +expect from their future pastor. But my nods and smiles, greetings and +questions, did not produce the slightest impression. The children ran +shyly away, and the grown people only gave me curt, suspicious answers, +though they knew very well that I was the expected candidate, and +enjoyed the favor of their noble church-patron. So I was not in the +best humor when I reached the little old parsonage, whose dilapidated +condition was revealed, at this early season of the year, by the bare +vine-trellises and empty garden. Even the church, beside which it +stood, only separated by the graveyard, urgently needed repairs, and I +secretly wondered that so pious a man as the baron did not set more +value on the proper preservation of the house of God. + +But the interior of the parsonage looked all the brighter and more +home-like. True, the walls of the rooms were only whitewashed, but +there was not even a fly-speck on them; the thin white curtains seemed +to have been freshly ironed only the day before, the floors were strewn +with sand, and the household utensils were dazzlingly clean. A brisk, +plump old lady, the pastor's wife, greeted me with so cordial a +pressure of the hand, that I felt almost ashamed of having crossed her +threshold with the selfish thoughts of a smiling heir. + +She led me into a small back room, that was just illumined by the +setting sun. Here, in an atmosphere so oppressive from the heat of the +stove that I could scarcely breathe, an old gentleman was sitting by +the window in a large arm-chair covered with calico. A small black +cloth cap rested on his venerable head, and his gouty, swollen knee was +wrapped in a woolen blanket. His kind, blue eyes gazed so +affectionately at me that I involuntarily bent over his outstretched +hand and would have kissed it, had he not withdrawn it, silently +shaking his head. I was requested to sit beside him, and, while we were +exchanging the first common-place remarks, I had time to again reflect +what a brilliant young light of the church I was compared to this +feebly flickering, almost burned-out tallow stump. For on the little +book-shelf beside the desk stood a scanty group of theological works, +so that, recalling my own abundant store, I seemed to myself, in the +presence of this aged champion of God, like a hero armed to the teeth +and clad in a steel corslet, opposed to an old warrior, who could only +swing a rude iron-spiked club. + +But I was not allowed to display my admirable armor, for the old +gentleman subjected me to no theological examination, but merely +inquired about my former life, parents, and relatives. When he heard +that I had lost my mother when a child, he passed his withered hand +over my arm with a gesture of timid kindness, and his old wife, who had +often mingled in our conversation with some little jest, gazed at me +with such maternal compassion that a very strange feeling came over me. +Until then I had never realized my orphaned condition, but felt +perfectly secure in my kinship to God. + +To reach a fresher theme, I began to talk of the baron and his family, +praising especially the spirit of genuine piety that pervaded this +aristocratic household. I perceived with surprise that neither the old +pastor nor his more loquacious wife assented to my fervent eulogy. Only +when I paused, the old man nodded gravely, and with his eyes fixed on +vacancy, said: "Yes, yes, the baroness--she is a woman after God's own +heart." "And don't forget Fräulein Luise!" added the old lady eagerly, +then hastily quitted the room, as if summoned by some urgent necessity, +and did not appear again even when I took my leave. + +I explained this strange silence to myself by the supposition that +there were dogmatic differences between the pastor and his patron. The +baron had shaken his head over the old gentleman's toleration. Desiring +to avoid any dispute on this first visit, I soon rose to take leave. + +The old clergyman apologized for being compelled to remain seated. He +was confined to the chair by a violent attack of his complaint, and +would have been obliged to leave the pulpit vacant on the following +Sunday had not God sent him so able a representative in my person. He +begged me to preach in his stead, and only regretted that he could not +be among my devout listeners. + +I was grateful in my heart to his gout for affording me an immediate +opportunity to display my lauded oratorical talent, wished him a speedy +convalescence, and took my leave with a much calmer heart than I had +entered. + + + * * * * * + + +When I returned to the castle, a servant received me in the hall and +informed me that tea was ready. + +I found the whole family, except brother Joachim, assembled in the +dining-room around the tea-table, on which two large old-fashioned +lamps diffused a somewhat dim light. As at dinner, there was no +lack of silver tableware, so that everything looked very stately and +splendid, though the fare was scarcely superior to that of a +respectable farm-house. + +The Canoness was making tea, and poured it from a heavy silver pot into +the cups handed around by a servant. Again she did not vouchsafe me a +glance. The others, too, merely bowed silently, as the master of the +house, seated close beside one of the lamps, was absorbed in the +newspapers, which were brought every evening by an errand-woman. The +regular mail came but twice a week. + +I, too, now ate, without speaking, a due amount of bread and butter, my +sense of decorum and theological wisdom having prevented my fully +satisfying my appetite at dinner. Achatz giggled and whispered with his +sister, who now sat beside him; Mademoiselle Suzon had the headache and +looked very much bored, but from time to time gave me a glance and +murmured a question, her cold eyes meanwhile wandering to and fro with +a strangely uneasy expression. + +When the baron threw aside the papers, the whole party rose from the +table; Fräulein Luise led the baroness to an arm-chair beside the huge +chimney-piece, which, however, spite of the chill evening air, served +merely for ornament; and, after a little table had been pushed before +her seat, and the children had said good-night, the Canoness brought +out a pack of French cards and sat down opposite to play with her. + +The baron had taken his place at a small chess-table with the French +governess, who had suddenly recovered her animation, and, turning to me +while arranging the ivory men, he said, "You can choose, Herr +Weissbrod, which game you will overlook. It is really against my +principles to allow card-playing in my house, but my wife's game is by +no means an invention of Satan, unless tediousness is considered one of +the torments of hell. I never touch a card myself, and suppose you have +the same ideas. So, if you have no interest in chess, do not feel under +any restraint, but go to your room, if you prefer. You have had a +fatiguing journey to-day." + +I thought this implied that my presence was no longer desired, +and, after having watched both games for awhile--for civility's +sake--without understanding anything about either, I bid the party +good-night and climbed up to my tower-room. + +The footman who lighted me seemed strongly inclined to have a little +chat, and I was very anxious to put certain queries about the relations +existing between the different members of the household. But I thought +it was indecorous to question servants about their employers, cut short +the tall rascal's opening remark, which tended in that direction, and +remained alone with my wandering thoughts. + +My pupil was already sound asleep. As I looked at him and noted the +resemblance to his mother, which seemed even stronger than when he was +awake, I resolved to struggle against my aversion to the saucy young +lad and honestly strive to develop the half-stifled germ of which his +father had spoken. It seemed as though the impulse was felt through the +little dreaming brain, for the boy opened his eyes, stared at me, +blushed, and then said in an entirely different voice, "Good-night, +Herr Johannes." + +I returned this good-night, passed my hand over his eyes, and went +softly back to my room. + +But I could not yet go to sleep. All the new experiences the day had +brought were surging and seething in my head as if it were a witch's +caldron. Opening the window, I gazed out into the calm, cool night, +where the moon was shining so beautifully over the tree-tops, and gauzy +veils of mist were hovering in the distance above the hills and +meadows. + +Conspicuous among all the figures which glided past me, as if in a +spectral chase, staring at me with questioning eyes, was one which +at last, when the other ghosts had vanished, remained standing before +me--a slender girl with tawny hair and brown eyes, whose gaze rested on +me so indifferently that my vain soul grew more and more insulted and +angry, yet without being able to turn my thoughts from her. I said to +myself that if this one woman did not dwell under the same roof I +should be as contented here as though I were in Abraham's bosom. Then I +wondered whether she had gone to rest, and imagined that she was even +now thinking of me with a scornful curl of her lips, which idea +strengthened my hostility still more. To calm myself, I lighted a long +pipe and paced up and down the carpetless floor of my room, thinking of +the sermon I was to preach on the following Sunday, and in which I +meant to say all sorts of offensive things to the arrogant creature's +face. Yet I possessed sufficient good-breeding to remove my squeaking +boots and put on the soft slippers my good aunt had given me as a +parting present. + +I was just going to shut the window, for I was beginning to shiver, +when a low melody rose below me, to which I listened intently. My +little talent for music, as I first learned long after, was at that +time the best and most genuine quality I possessed. So, at the first +notes, I knew that the pure alto voice beneath me was no ordinary one, +but issued from a thoroughly musical nature. But the piano on which the +singer accompanied herself appeared to be a worn-out, tuneless old box, +and she made the least possible use of it. I did not know what she was +singing, but it seemed to me a magnificent piece by some great master, +and I went close to the window that I might not lose a note. I +afterward discovered that it was an aria from Gluck's "Orpheus." + +This solitary nocturnal singing, which could proceed from no other lips +than those of the Canoness, instantly disarmed me. It sounded very +subdued; Fräulein Leopoldine slept in the next room, and must not be +disturbed. But this _mezza voce_, in its melancholy gentleness, +contradicted everything I had imagined of the singer's nature. It was +like the lament of a proud, free soul, that disdains to impart its +grief to any one, and only in a secret soliloquy makes the moon and the +night its confidants. + +When the singing ceased, it was long ere I could resolve to seek my +bed. I still waited to learn whether it would begin again. Midnight had +passed when I at last shut my window, and, absorbed in thought, +prepared to seek repose. + + + * * * * * + + +Yet I was up very early, and had much difficulty in persuading my +pupil, who had hitherto slept below next his mamma's room, to leave his +bed, as among other bad habits he had been accustomed to stretching and +turning lazily on his couch in the morning. + +I found it difficult to keep the resolution I had made the night before +over the sleeper, now that he sat wide awake before me with his +impudent little face, especially as I soon perceived with horror that +the young nobleman was deficient in nearly all the rudiments of +knowledge, and, moreover, did not appear to feel at all ashamed of his +ignorance. I found myself obliged to begin from the very commencement +in all the branches except writing, for which he was indebted to the +village school-master, and the catechism, which he could repeat +faultlessly with the volubility of a starling. + +Yet, even in the first hour, I succeeded in uprooting some weeds +of error in his head and heart, and at least in conquering his +absent-mindedness, so that we were tolerably well-satisfied with each +other when, toward ten o'clock, the baron entered in his own sublime +person. He merely asked carelessly what I thought of my pupil then, +with an exclamation of surprise, went up to my books and glanced over +their titles. "Ah, Neander! Marheineke!" he said, as if greeting old +acquaintances. "You are certainly a thorough scholar, Herr Weissbrod. +Only don't soar too high! Let us have no unfruitful knowledge. +'Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.' There is this Neander, +for instance--h'm! Yet he's not one of the worst." (Good Heavens! +Candid Neander! That soul of child-like purity!) "And yet--h'm! Well, +with God's assistance and favor, his day of Damascus will come." + +He talked a great deal more of such conceited, equivocal trash; and +though even then some irreverent doubts arose in my mind as to whether +his own theological wisdom was correct, I was impressed by his oracular +speeches, and endeavored to make one answer and another which should +lead to a more professional conversation. But he cut me short by +remarking that there would be time enough for us to come to a clearer +understanding. I might now accompany him down-stairs to his daughter, +and then give the two children their first lesson in history. + +We found the young lady's room already in order, and she herself, in a +by no means studious mood, sitting at a table which stood in the middle +of the apartment. The Canoness sat by the window with some sewing in +her hand. At our entrance she rose hastily and returned her uncle's +cold good-morning with a slight bend of the head. I did not appear to +have any existence for her. + +Again I felt my blood boil with indignation. But I only strove the more +to do my work well, in order to show her what a remarkable fellow I +was; nor did I succeed badly, in my own estimation. I began to relate +the history of the Mark from its earliest origin, and as I was myself a +native of the country, and, moreover, very familiar with this subject, +I had the satisfaction of interesting not only my two pupils, but their +papa, to such a degree, that the baron remained a full half-hour, and +was first reminded that he had long since outgrown his school-days by +the announcement that the steward was awaiting his orders. + +I was especially pleased to see how Achatz fairly hung on my lips +during the narrative of the battles and victories of his ancestors in +this once pagan land. The ice was broken, at any rate, and even +Fräulein Leopoldine, who at first had sat with an insufferably +condescending expression, was evidently excited. Only the grave face at +the window bent like a stone image over the industrious hands, without +any token of interest. I began to doubt whether the beautiful nocturnal +melody could have issued from those obstinately compressed lips. + +At dinner, when I again saw the mistress of the house, I could plainly +perceive that my first appearance as a pedagogue had produced a +favorable impression. The little lady, with a kindly glance from her +timid blue eyes, held out her hand to me, and asked whether I had slept +well and if I needed anything for my comfort. Achatz displayed in +motley confusion all sorts of crumbs of his new knowledge, and +Mademoiselle Suzon granted me more than one long look from her Catholic +eyes. When I said that the old pastor had requested me to take his +place the following Sunday--which was the next day--the baron said he +was very curious about the conception held by the young school of the +preacher's office, but warned me not to drag my Neander and Marheineke +into the pulpit with me, which of course I smilingly promised. + +Uncle Joachim, according to his custom, did not utter a word. The +Canoness looked at her plate, and I noticed that she sometimes made a +low remark to her neighbor, who always responded by a quiet smile or a +twinkle in his honest gray eyes. + +When, that afternoon, I was again alone in my tower, I prepared to +study my sermon with great composure of mind, for I felt perfectly sure +of myself. I had brought from the university and our religious society +a bundle of outline sermons, one of which I took out and read over +again with constant reference to my new hearers. Of course this +masterpiece seemed a thousand times too good for the rural +congregation, but I had intended it principally for my patron and +his family, not least for the obstinate face that, willing or not, +must listen to me for a full half hour. I changed a few details, +repeated the whole in a low tone, while veiling myself in clouds of +tobacco-smoke, and, when I had finished, patted my stomach caressingly, +as though I had just swallowed a dainty morsel, and resolved to take a +short stroll in the park as an aid to digestion. + +Hitherto I had only seen the grounds through the glass door of the +dining-room, and I now marveled at their extent and beauty. + + + * * * * * + + +Low farm-buildings, stables, and barns extended on both sides in the +rear of the castle, and were separated from the flower-garden in the +center of the park by dense rows of splendid fir-trees. The dry basin +of a fountain, ornamented by a crumbling sandstone statue, served as an +abode for an aged peacock, which could now spread only a very ragged +and shabby tail, as he constantly circled around it, keeping a +distrustful watch. No one except the Canoness, as I afterward noticed, +was permitted to approach without his uttering a shrill, spiteful +scream. + +The beds, at this early season of the year, were still empty except for +a narrow border of crocuses and snowdrops, but they were neatly raked +and carefully marked out; even the paths between were free from dead +leaves. From this place ran a broad walk fenced on both sides by tall, +closely clipped hedges in the French style. But the tops of the ancient +elms and oaks soared above them into the air, and the solemn splendor +of a German forest far surpassed the Italian prettiness. Never in my +life had I seen anything so beautiful, for the Berlin Thiergarten, so +far as the size of the trees was concerned, could not bear the least +comparison to it. + +When, studying my sermon, I had strolled some distance under the lofty +crowns of foliage, a strange figure came toward me, whom I at once +supposed to be the gardener--a short, gray-haired man in a peasant's +jerkin, over which a green apron was tied, a green cap, horn spectacles +on his sharp, hawk's nose, an axe in his bony hand, and with one foot +slightly dragging. I went up to him, greeted him in my affable manner, +and asked if it was due to his care that the beautiful park was in such +admirable order. + +At first he nodded silently, scanning me from head to foot with the air +of an expert examining some new plant to see whether it would be likely +to thrive in this soil. Then he said, by no means sullenly, that he was +the gardener Liborius and I was probably the new tutor. As this was a +leisure evening, he would do me the honor to show me the park. + +While walking by his side, I had a strange conversation. In the first +place, he modestly refused my praise of his skill in gardening. He +would not be able to accomplish half without Uncle Joachim, who planned +everything that was to be done. True, he himself knew more about +cultivating flowers, because he had been educated for an apothecary, +and, had he not been compelled to enter the army, would probably be one +now. But while serving as the baron's orderly--the elder brother--he +had been shot in the foot; so, after he had obtained his discharge, his +master had made him gardener on the estate. At that time the park was a +perfect wilderness, everything higgledy-piggledy, and at first he had +only bungled, until at last the younger baron came. "Yes," he added, +glancing at me as if somewhat doubtful whether he might venture to +speak openly, "many things would go wrong if it were not for Uncle +Joachim. There's no telling all he has on his shoulders--half the +management of the estate, the garden and stables, and the few cattle, +for the larger portion of the land is leased. And yet he gets small +thanks for it. They say that as a young officer he was what people call +a sly chap, ran in debt, gambled, had love affairs; we know how things +are with young noblemen who serve as officers. Then his brother once +helped him out of a scrape and made him take an oath to lead a regular +life, and he has done so too. But they always treat him like the +prodigal son in the gospel, only there is no fatted calf killed for +him. And why? Because he doesn't go to church. You pull a long face +over it, Herr Candidate, but you can believe this: he's more religious +at heart than many a man who can repeat the whole hymn-book; if he were +not, there's much that would look very different here. For our master, +he's not exactly a bad one, but very strict, like our Lord in the Old +Testament, and looks after the pennies and wages, so, though the +heavens should fall, he never abates any of the work the peasants are +obliged to do for him. Unfortunately, he is obliged to look after his +due, for the estate was heavily laden with debt when he took possession +of it, and had he not made the wealthy marriage he did--for the money +comes from _her_--he could not have lived here, especially as he, too, +in by-gone days, led a jolly life and spent a great deal. Well, he's +tolerably well over that now, but he nips and saves at all the ends and +corners, always saying it is for his children. Would you believe it, he +wanted to send me off six years ago, after the grounds here were at +last in proper order and the park could be seen again. His brother +could attend to it with one of the servants. Then I said: 'Don't send +me away, Herr Baron; I'm no longer a young man, and have forgotten my +training as an apothecary, and my heart clings to the old trees as we +cleave to an old love. If it's only the wages, I'll gladly give them +up, if I can keep my room and have the little food I eat.' So he let me +stay, and I drudge away in Heaven's name and for the sake of Uncle +Joachim, who could not manage it all alone. And now Fräulein Luise +helps us, too." + +"The Canoness?" I interrupted. + +"Yes, indeed. She has charge of the vegetable-garden, because she knows +best what is wanted in the kitchen. Ah, yes, she is for a woman what +Uncle Joachim is for a man, and gets just as few thanks for it. You +know, of course, Herr Candidate, that she is an orphan, the daughter of +a third brother of our baron, who also squandered his property and died +young. She has lived here at her uncle's since her eighteenth year--she +will be twenty-four next Whitsuntide--and as her aunt has been an +invalid so long, and her uncle is often absent for months, because he +finds the castle tiresome, Fräulein Luise is obliged to stand in the +breach everywhere. Well, she can do it, for she has the brains, and her +heart is in the right place; our Lord will reward her some day for what +she does for her old aunt." + +The old man stopped, pushed aside with his hatchet a few dry branches +that lay at our feet, and then drew from under his green apron a small +bone snuff-box, from which he offered me a pinch. I took a few grains +for the sake of courtesy, and then, with the most perfect innocence, +for I had not yet penetrated into the real state of affairs, asked: + +"Is it possible, Herr Liborius? I thought the French lady took charge +of the housekeeping." + +The old man shrugged his shoulders, slowly stuffed the pinch of snuff +into his little hooked nose, sneezed several times, and after a long +delay replied: "All that glitters is not gold, Herr Candidate. But let +every man sweep before his own door. See, here we are at Uncle +Joachim's rooms. Will you pay him a call? He'll surely be glad to see +you. Not a human creature ever crosses his threshold except myself, his +dog Diana, and Fräulein Luise." + +We had walked the whole length of the park, to where a tall fence +divided it from the open fields, and were again approaching the castle, +when we reached a small summerhouse connected with the outbuildings by +a long hothouse. As I nodded assent, Liborius knocked, and then, +without waiting for the "Come in!" raised the latch of the crumbling +old door. No one was within. But at first I could not believe that this +utterly cheerless room was occupied by a member of the baron's family. +Against one wall stood a more than plain bed, covered with an old +horse-blanket; a huge arm-chair, from whose worn leather covering the +horsehair stuffing here and there protruded, was at one of the windows, +and at the other a large pine table, without a cloth, on which lay in +excellent order numerous thick account-books, writing-materials, boxes +of seeds, and a leaden tobacco-box; in the corner stood a narrow +wardrobe, and on pegs along the wall hung a few guns and fishing-rods. +This constituted the entire furniture of the yellow-washed room. But +above the bed hung the portrait of a beautiful woman, and a couple of +old copper engravings, representing Napoleon at Fontainebleau, and on +his death-bed, in worm-eaten brown frames. + +"It is not exactly a princely lodging!" said the gardener, "but he +chose it himself. Well, it makes little difference where we stretch our +limbs if we haven't spared them from early till late. At night all cats +are gray, and any four walls do well enough for a sleeping-room." + +Then he let me out again, and I went back to the castle, often shaking +my head over the many things I had learned, which had considerably +lowered my high opinion of the people and things around me. + + + * * * * * + + +When the church-bells rang the next morning, I went to the window and +looked down into the courtyard. A large old-fashioned coach, to which +two fine horses were harnessed, was standing before the steps. Almost +immediately the baron came out of the doorway, carefully leading his +wife. + +Mademoiselle Suzon and the two children followed. They took their seats +in the carriage--Achatz mounting the box, so that if those within moved +a little nearer together there would be room for a slender person. I +waited to see the Canoness, who was always late, come out of the +castle. But the coach-door was closed by the footman, who sprang up +behind, and the vehicle lumbered slowly away. + +Is she, too, like Uncle Joachim, no church-goer? I thought, and felt +that this would have chagrined me greatly, for I hoped to impress her +especially by my sermon. + +But I had fretted in vain. + +I set out at a rapid pace, and, having discovered a meadow-path, which, +intersecting the avenue, led straight to the village and church, I +arrived even before the party from the castle. + +The sexton received me, ushered me into the vestry, and helped me don +the black robe in which I always seemed to myself especially trim and +ecclesiastical. While the last verse of the hymn was being sung, I saw +by my pocket-mirror that my locks were parted down the middle of my +head in perfect order, and my hands faultlessly clean, and then entered +the crowded church. + +I had carefully examined and tried my voice in it the day before. It +was as plain and bare as most of our village churches in the Mark, +having been hastily rebuilt with scanty means after a conflagration, +and even robbed of the monuments which, as the sexton said, had come +down from Catholic times. On the whitewashed pillars hung nothing but +dusty and faded bridal and funeral wreaths, with long black or white +streamers and tarnished silver spangles. There was also a black tablet +with a few hooks, from which were suspended the war medals of anno '13, +'14, and '15, with the names of their wearers in clumsy white letters +beneath. The organ alone was handsome, its pipes brightly polished, and +its notes--for the schoolmaster understood his business--greeted me +with a harmonious melody as I climbed the steep stairs to the pulpit. + +While the last verse died away I had just time to scan my devout +congregation. Opposite to me, in the baronial pew lined with red cloth, +sat the party that had come in the carriage. In the front seat, at its +left, was the pastor's plump old wife; the lines on her cheerful face +were to-day drawn into a peculiarly intent expression. I told myself +that I should have in her a particularly critical auditor. Behind these +pews, in a dense throng, were the peasants and cottagers of the +village, with their wives and children, whose singing, thanks to the +musical teacher, was far more endurable to hear than is usually the +case in our unmelodious region. Spite of my self-confidence, I was +forced to subdue the quickened throbbing of my heart as I saw the eyes +of all these strangers fixed steadily and not exactly benevolently upon +me. I was really glad not to discover among them one pair that, within +the last few days, had already more than once disturbed my peace of +mind. + +But just as I was opening the Bible on the pulpit desk to read the +text, the door at the end of the narrow aisle, between the rows of +pews, noiselessly opened, and, amid a stream of sunlight and spring +air, that was instantly shut out again, the Canoness entered. Instead +of passing through the rows to take her seat in the baron's pew, she +unceremoniously sat down on the farthest bench, where an old woman, in +whom I now recognized Mother Lieschen, made room for her with a +friendly nod. No one else in the church noticed her; this late arrival +appeared to be considered perfectly proper. + +So I began my sermon in a somewhat unsteady voice, but it soon grew +firmer. The text was: "Many are called, but few are chosen." + +The doctrine of predestination had frequently been the theme of our +debates at the university, and the sermon as I had brought it in my +trunk bore evident traces of the learned apparatus with which I was +accustomed to defend my views. For my present congregation, however, I +had wisely omitted this, and restricted myself to bringing the kingdom +of God as I had dreamed of it, in vast outlines, but colored with +brilliant hues, before the imagination of my listeners. It resembled, +as it were, a beautiful fairy palace, to which led an immense, broad +staircase. This symbolized the temporal world in which, separated by +steps, the many called and the few chosen hurried on together. For, I +said, as all nature shows a gradual development from a lower to a +higher stage, in which no creature has reason to complain, since thus +alone can the omnipotence of God, which renders everything that might +be possible actual, reveal itself; so it is compatible with the +Creator's infinite righteousness that he does not endow all his +creatures equally, but makes distinctions, and, with apparent severity, +favors one and neglects another. Thus only could he have completed the +wondrous picture of the world, without leaving any step vacant or +overleaping transitions. If dissatisfaction should thereby arise, the +peace that is not of this world will at some future time silence all +complaints and reconcile all contradictions. On the day the portals of +that palace would open at the sound of the last trump, all who were +waiting on the stairs would be invited to celebrate the entrance into +the heavenly mansions. Ay, even those on the lowest step. For it is +explicitly written: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the +kingdom of heaven." + +I now adorned this idea of a staircase, which, as the final tableau of +a fairy opera, would have done credit to a scene-painter, with the +necessary lay figures and heroic characters, which I will briefly pass +over here. It is only necessary to say that in the elect on the upper +step I described with tolerable clearness people of the stamp of my +employer and his family--high-born, wealthy mortals, endowed with every +advantage of nature and education, and also with the grace of true +religion; while on the lowest step crawled poverty-stricken creatures, +bereft of happiness, like Mother Lieschen, who, however, would also be +saved if they gathered the treasures which moth and rust do not +destroy. + +After I had pronounced the benediction over the congregation and +descended the steep stairs of the pulpit, I felt fairly intoxicated by +my own fiery eloquence, and considered it only natural that the baron +should signify his most gracious approval by a nod of his handsome +head. The pastor's wife, on the contrary, had not changed her +expression in the least, and did not stir even when I passed close by +her. I forgave her from my heart for being unable to feel friendly to +the new star that outshone her husband. + +The sexton, however, praised me lavishly. Only I had made my sermon a +little too aristocratic. + + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait for the dinner-bell to ring, as I fully expected +that the whole conversation over the Sunday roast would turn upon my +sermon. But in this I was bitterly disappointed. + +A guest had arrived who had not witnessed my oratorical triumph, a +thorough man of the world, as I perceived at the first glance. He was +called Cousin Kasimir; I do not know whether the relationship was +through the baron or his wife, for he was so disagreeable to me that I +vouchsafed him no special notice. The young gentleman had ridden over +from a neighboring estate, where he was living as a student of +agriculture, lured less by the aroma of the baronial table, which even +on Sunday promised no choice dishes, than, as everybody knew, by +designs on his cousin, the Canoness, in which he had long obstinately +persisted, though without any form of encouragement. He seemed to have +resolved not to attempt to take the coy fortress by storm, but induce +it to surrender by tenacious persistence. So he sat between Fräulein +Luise and the young girl Leopoldine, without addressing a word to +either, but zealously striving to entertain the whole company by +amusing anecdotes, bits of gossip, and jests with Uncle Joachim. The +latter always gave him sharp, curt replies, whose quiet scorn the young +man did not appear to feel. In the intervals he discussed politics with +his host, of course from the standpoint of the nobility; and +Mademoiselle Suzon was the only lady at table who could boast of a +slight show of gallantry from him. + +On the other hand, he did not seem to be aware of the existence of the +mistress of the house, nor of my important self, though the baron had +presented me to him with some flattering words about my intellectual +gifts. + +Nothing was said of my sermon. + +Wounded vanity naturally led me to cherish a secret, but all the more +bitter, hatred of the new guest. Even now, though I have long since +learned to smile at this pitiable youthful weakness, I must, for +truth's sake, admit that Cousin Kasimir, fine gentleman though he might +be, was an insufferable fellow, and had a face that might aptly be +styled a hang-dog countenance. + +Very much annoyed, I went out into the garden as soon as we rose from +the table. I should have been glad to meet my honest friend Liborius, +not to hear him praise my pulpit eloquence, but to question him about +the object of my hate. He was, however, nowhere to be seen. He spent +his Sunday afternoons, as I learned later, in a neighboring village, +where he had placed a daughter, the child of an unlawful youthful love, +in the charge of worthy people. The baron inexorably banished +everything bordering upon unchaste relations from his pure +neighborhood. + +I sat for a while under the budding trees on one of the most remote +benches in the park, and the worm of unsatisfied vanity gnawed my +heart. At last I consoled myself with the thought that the fitting +opportunity to speak of such exalted subjects had not yet come, and +when the conceited nobleman had taken leave the neglect would be more +than made up. + +So I at last rose and resolved to have the church opened again and +improvise a short time on the organ, for I was accustomed to be my own +Orpheus, and quell, by the power of music, the wild beasts which, spite +of my religion, ever and anon stirred in my heart. + +But as I approached the little summer-house where Uncle Joachim lodged, +I saw the door open and Fräulein Luise come out, taking leave of her +friend with a cordial clasp of the hand. + +I confess that this meeting was not exactly welcome. Her icy +manner--even colder than usual--at dinner had told me plainly enough +that I had by no means advanced in her esteem. But in certain moods a +vain man longs to hear himself talked about at any cost, and would +rather endure the most pitiless verdict than the offense of silence. + +Therefore, instead of turning into a side-path, I quickened my steps +toward my foe, who, without taking the slightest notice of me, friendly +or otherwise, quietly pursued her way to the kitchen-garden. + +I soon came up with her, bowed politely, and asked whether she objected +to my bearing her company a few moments. + +"Not in the least," she calmly replied. She merely desired to look at +the young plants, which was not an occupation in which one could not be +disturbed. + +We walked for some distance side by side in silence. She did not +wear the gray dress to-day, but a black one, whose contrast made her +fair face look still whiter. A thin gold chain, from which hung an +old-fashioned locket, was twisted around her neck. I afterward learned +that it contained her mother's miniature. I do not remember ever having +seen her wear any other ornament. + +Her expression was even colder and more repellent than usual, yet she +seemed to me more beautiful than on the first day I saw her. She again +wore over her golden hair the little black kerchief I thought her most +becoming head-gear. + +"You were at church to-day, Fräulein," I began at last, for I felt that +I must hear something about my sermon. + +"Yes," she answered, gazing calmly at the freshly dug beds by the path. +"But I shall not go again when you preach." + +"Why?" + +"Because I will not have the God I love marred by you." + +This was too much. I stopped as though a loaded pistol had been fired +under my nose. + +"Permit me to ask," I said, essaying a superior smile, "in what respect +the God you love differs from him whom we all, including myself, have +worshiped in our Sunday service to-day." + +"Oh, if you wish to know," she replied with a slight curl of the lip, +which, spite of my wrath at her depreciation, I thought bewitching. +"You have made a God who reigns in heaven very much as an aristocratic +patron of the church rules his estate. When there is a harvest festival +here, and the peasants come into the court-yard of the castle to cheer +the noble family, they arrange themselves on the steps very much as, in +your imagination, humanity stands on your staircase: the magistrates at +the top, then the villagers, graded according to the amount of their +property and cattle, and at the very bottom Mother Lieschen, who owns +nothing but a wretched hut, a dog, and a goat, yet nevertheless +receives a gracious glance because, as you think, she is poor in +spirit. To certain ears this may have been an admirable prophecy of the +Day of Judgment. In the ears of God it must have sounded somewhat +differently." + +"Then you do not admit the gradual development of all mortal +creatures?" + +"Certainly. Who would deny it? Only the image of poor humanity probably +looks somewhat different to the omniscient eyes of God than when seen +through the spectacles of our arrogant prejudices. If there were such a +staircase, reaching to the portals of heaven, Mother Lieschen might +perhaps stand on the topmost step, and certain others, to whom you have +borne such flattering testimony, at the very bottom." + +I wished to give the conversation, which was becoming more and more +embarrassing to me, a different turn, and said in the gayest tone I +could assume: + +"You seem to be a special patroness of this old dame, who doubtless +possesses a multitude of secret virtues. You preferred the seat by her +side to one in the baron's pew." + +She now stopped in her turn, flashing so strange a glance at me from +her brown eyes, that all inclination to jest vanished. + +"Yes," she said, "I like to sit where my heart attracts me. I think +there would be neither patrons' pews in the church, nor hereditary +tombs in the grave-yard, if people did not merely bear God's words on +their lips, but were aware that we are all sinners and lack the grace +we ought to have before God. Their forgetfulness of it is the fault of +the false expounders of the gospel, who value worldly profit more than +the kingdom of heaven. Ay, look at me, Herr Weissbrod. You, too, are +among them, spite of your excellent theological testimonials and St. +John's head. Otherwise you would not speak of the old dame with pitying +contempt, merely because she is the poorest person in the parish. First +learn to know her as I do. Then I hope your derision of her secret +virtues will cease. That she _does_ conceal them is possibly her +greatest merit, and God, who seeth in secret, will perhaps reward her +openly." + +She turned away with a hasty gesture of indignation, and seemed about +to leave me. But I was not so easily shaken off. + +"I have irritated you, Fräulein," I said somewhat dejectedly. "We will +discuss my theology no further. But I should be very grateful if you +would give me some other particulars of your protégée. I really did not +intend to despise the old dame on account of her poverty." + +"Really?" she retorted. "Did you not? Well, I will believe you, though +you don't seem to possess much knowledge of character. But you would be +greatly mistaken if you supposed that Mother Lieschen is one of the +poor in spirit. Let me tell you that I owe all, or at any rate a large +share, of my love and reverence for God, and the small amount of +Christian patience I have acquired, solely to my intercourse with this +sorely tried soul. When I made her acquaintance, six years ago, I had a +defiant, despairing heart. Now I believe, in all humility and +cheerfulness, that my Creator will impose upon me no heavier burden +than I can bear, and know that a human being who possesses genuine +nobility can never lose it, no matter into what society he may be +thrown. Only he must fear God more than men, even those who, in your +opinion, stand on the highest step, next the angels and archangels, as +at court the second rank of nobility is close beside the royal +personage. You wonder to hear a Canoness speak so irreverently of noble +birth. But I have seen too many base and contemptible acts perpetrated +by people with the longest pedigrees, to feel very proud of my +ancestors. There will be quite a different Almanach de Gotha in heaven +from the one here below, I think, and perhaps there Mother Lieschen +will have a nine-pointed coronet over her name." + +Wondering more and more, I made no reply. She had hurled these remarks +at me with sharp abruptness, while her fair face flushed, and the +little locks on her temples trembled with repressed excitement. I had +had no idea that an aristocratic young lady could cherish such +democratic ideas and express them as a matter of course. + +"Tell me more about this rare Christian," I asked at last. + +"Oh, that is soon done. She lost three fine sons in the war of +liberation; her only daughter was led astray by a dissolute +fellow--also one of those on the highest step; her husband, who until +then had been thoroughly steady, was driven by sorrow to the demon of +drink, and died a wretched death. She herself was at first utterly +crushed by all these troubles, especially as the little property she +possessed was lost through faithless people. But she remembered the +promise, 'All things work together for good, to them that love God,' +and resolved that she would not suffer herself to be overwhelmed, but +in her great desolation constantly sought those who were as sorely +tried, nursed the sick, and shared her last mouthful with a poor +outcast till the girl could maintain herself. While thus employed, her +old heart became at last so cheerful that whenever I am with her all my +own somber thoughts leave me, and I would rather cross her threshold +than stand on the topmost step of your staircase and be invited to +enter by an aristocratic archangel, as the reception of the few elect +was just being held. Now I will bid you good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. I +have something to tell Uncle Joachim." + +After passing through the kitchen-garden, we had again reached the +little summer-house. The Canoness nodded haughtily, raised the latch, +and left me standing outside, disturbed and bewildered. + + + + * * * * * + + +But, strange to say, roughly as the shower-bath had dashed over me, I +did not feel in the least chilled, but revived and strengthened, as we +do after a rain which, though drenching us to the skin, has at the same +time washed all the dust and feverish heat from our limbs, so that, +even while shaking and shivering, we can not help laughing at the +baptism. + +Even had her words been more severe and stinging they would have +inflicted no sharp wounds, for the voice which uttered them soothed me +like balm, though the tones were by no means gentle, but often harsh +with indignation. Yet, when she spoke of the persons and things that +were dear to her, one could imagine no richer melody. I felt in that +hour a strange ambition to have her voice some day pronounce my name +also in that sweet, thrilling tone. + +And how her whole appearance had bewitched me, while she lectured me so +pitilessly! + +I was lost in reverie as I returned to the castle. Cousin Kasimir met +me, and asked if I knew where Fräulein Luise was. I shook my head. Even +his hang-dog face did not seem quite so disagreeable when the pinched +lips uttered that name. + +And how I felt an hour later when, unable to fix my thoughts upon any +occupation, I sat at my tower-window and suddenly heard beneath me +the piano and then the voice for which I had so passionately longed. +To-day, since the time for sleep had not yet come, there was no +repression, but a power and fullness of melody which, when a note +seemed to soar triumphantly upward, or to sink into the very depths of +the soul, sometimes brought my heart into my throat. It was another +aria by the same composer, who was her special favorite. For nearly an +hour this pure flood of harmony flowed through my penitent soul. I may +truly say that whatever transformation of my nature her words had +failed to accomplish was completed by her singing. + +When the supper hour arrived, I sent word by the servant that I begged +to be excused, I was not well. + +With this fib my first Sunday ended. I was, on the contrary, so +rapturously well that I could not bear to be confined within four +walls, but slipped out into the open air and sauntered for several +hours, with an overflowing heart, under the waving branches of the +trees, and over the young grain sprouting in the dark fields, until all +the lights in the castle were extinguished. + + + + * * * * * + + +If, from the foregoing confession of faith, you have drawn the +inference that Herr Johannes Weissbrod had regularly fallen in love +with Fräulein Luise von X., the conjecture might be termed premature. + +True, I had had as yet no personal experience in this department, but I +knew from the stories of others, and my own few observations, that love +includes the tender desire to take possession of the beloved object. +Even in its boldest dreams my agitated soul had not felt a trace of +such a yearning. If ever so-called Platonic affection existed, it was +in my case, though some eccentricities would have given a third person +cause to smile. + +For, albeit I could not help thinking constantly of her, I did not feel +this constraint, after the manner of lovers, as a sweet bond imposed +upon me, but struggled against my chains, and had moments when I almost +hated them, though even then she seemed to me one of the most +remarkable human beings I had ever met. At such times I would gladly +have practiced some little act of retaliation upon her--of course +merely to shame her, and show that I really was no such contemptible +fellow, but with my intellect and learning could have held my own +beside any arrogant young lady. + +I also detected in myself a secret envy, which will show you how far I +was from the usual condition of being in love. I would gladly have been +in Uncle Joachim's place, even for a few hours, to feel how it seemed +to be liked and honored by this girl. And, if this could not be, I +would have even consented to be transformed by some magic spell into +Mother Lieschen. + +At night I dreamed that the beautiful staircase to the portal of heaven +was before me perfectly empty; but when I tried to mount it I +constantly slipped back, till at last I remained with bruised knees on +the lowest step. Just at that moment the door opened and St. Peter came +out--who, however, bore a striking likeness to Uncle Joachim--leading +with his right hand the Canoness and with his left Mother Lieschen. All +three looked down at me and suddenly began to laugh. I started up +angrily, and gave them a sharp lecture on the wickedness of malice. +While I was in the midst of it, the little old baroness came up, looked +compassionately at me, and said, "Give me your hand, my son." Then she +led me up the stairs with as light a step as if she were no longer an +invalid, saying, "You see, Johannes, it is perfectly easy, only we must +leave behind the learned luggage you have dragged with you in your +trunk." And, indeed, it seemed as if I had received winged shoes, like +the messenger of the Greek gods, yet the stairs appeared endless. +Higher and higher I floated, but still saw the three at the same +distance above me, only they were no longer laughing, and the vision +constantly grew paler, till at last I beheld nothing but the horn +buttons on St. Peter's gray coat, glittering like stars, and the +Canoness's golden hair shone like the sun on a winter day, while Mother +Lieschen's gray locks fluttered around her little pale face like the +autumn clouds about the moon. When at last the dread that I should +never get up found utterance in a shrill cry, I woke and felt ashamed +that the sun was shining on my bed. + + + * * * * * + + +My first business that morning was to send for the barber who shaved +the baron every day, and have him cut my hair. True, what remained was +still brushed behind my ears, the parting, however, was no longer +exactly in the middle, but a little on the left side. When I went down +with my pupil to the history lesson I was vexed that this important +change in my outer man, symbolical of a transformation of my views, did +not receive a glance from her on whom I hoped it would produce an +impression. Achatz alone made some foolish remark about it, which I +sternly reproved. Fräulein Luise again sat at the window, sewing on a +child's jacket, as completely unmoved as if nothing had passed between +us the day before. + +So she remained during the whole week. I did not understand how I could +have fancied, even in a dream, that I heard her laugh, for she never +laughed. + +I should have been delighted to meet her again alone, but she never +permitted it. So I had no resource except to continue in my next sermon +our conversation in the kitchen-garden, an expedient which gave me one +advantage--she would be unable to interrupt me. + +But, while in the act of connecting my sermon with my cleverly chosen +text, the old pastor sent me word by one of the school-children that, +as his foot was now tolerably well, he intended to occupy the pulpit +himself on the following Sunday. + +This greatly annoyed me. When the Sunday came I should have preferred +to stay away from church, especially as I did not know which would be +the most suitable seat for me. I could not take my place in the baron's +pew without a special invitation, which was not given, and I did not +consider it exactly proper to sit among the congregation. So I chose an +excellent expedient by joining the schoolmaster in the organ-loft, +where a dozen towheaded children stared at me. Requesting the worthy +man, by a condescending gesture, not to trouble himself about me, I sat +down on a stool behind the low wooden railing. + +From here I could overlook the whole church except the last bench under +the organ-loft, which was the very one that most interested me, because +I supposed Mother Lieschen and some one else to be there. But I had not +much time for such thoughts. + +While the hymn was being sung, the door of the vestry opened and the +old pastor appeared, accompanied by the sexton, who carried the Bible, +while his wife walked by his side, supporting his feeble steps with her +strong hand. With trembling knees the old clergyman slowly ascended the +pulpit stairs, and was obliged to rest for a time--which he passed in +silent prayer--in a chair that had been placed for him. Then he rose as +if refreshed, and, when he had opened the Bible and cast a long, gentle +glance over the congregation, he seemed ten years younger, and his +wrinkled but kindly apostolic face glowed as though illumined by the +fire of youth. + +He had chosen for his text the words of the seventh psalm: "My defense +is of God, which saveth the upright in heart." + +I had intended to watch sharply, to endeavor to detect some reference +to my own sermon, as I could well imagine that the pastor's wife had +told her husband about it, and not in the most favorable way. But after +the first few sentences all my vain self-consciousness vanished, and +even my renowned powers of theological criticism, which I had so often +valiantly tested at the university. True, there was no trace of any +controversial disposition in the low words from those withered lips, +which, however, were so distinct that not one remained unheard. The old +man opened his reverent heart to all who had ears to listen, as a +father speaks to the children who cluster around his knees. I have +forgotten what he said. It was anything but what is termed an +intellectual discourse. But the tone of his voice has rung in my ears +all my life, as though I had heard it only yesterday. + +I can remember but one thing: that he referred to the calamity of the +preceding year, when floods and stunted harvests had affected the +village; but all this trouble had not been able to depress pious +hearts, only those who did not have God for their shield, and what a +precious thing this shield was, and many more simple, earnest words of +this sort, all appealing with gentle power to every heart, because they +did not merely spring from the lips, but were felt in the depths of the +soul. + +The dull peasants listened so breathlessly that the fall of a leaf +might have been heard in the church. I glanced once at the occupants of +the red pew. The baron had closed his eyes and bowed his handsome head +on his breast--in contrition, as I first thought. Then I perceived, by +the strange nodding, as it drooped lower, that he was indulging in a +little nap. His wife's face, on the contrary, was raised, and she did +not avert her eyes from the venerable bald head and silver locks of the +speaker. As Mademoiselle Suzon was of a different faith, it could +hardly be considered a crime that she was constantly glancing here and +there over the congregation. + +When the sermon was over, and the people were just preparing to sing +the last two verses of that day's hymn, I hastily signed to the +schoolmaster to let me take his seat at the organ, and at first +modestly played the accompaniment; afterward, however, I put forth all +my skill, not from the vain desire to make myself talked about, but an +earnest longing to pour forth in music all the emotions of my +overflowing heart. + +A magnificent motet by Graun had been constantly echoing in my ears +during the sermon, a harmony as full of the faith of childhood and the +gentleness of age as the nature of the old clergyman in the pulpit. I +now began to play it with a quiet fervor and triumphant devotion which +finally made the tears gush from my own eyes. At the same time the +image of the maiden whom I revered rose before my mind, and, as I had +so long been unable to communicate with her in words, it was a pleasure +to think: She is hearing you play, and, as her own being is instinct +with music, you will approach her across all the gulfs that yawn +between you, and she must begin to think better of you! + +When I at last closed with a bit of improvisation, and rose, glowing +with excitement, I saw close behind me the whole flock of children from +both villages, who had stolen softly up from below and gathered around +with shy reverence, as if I were a magician. But I sought only one pair +of eyes, and enjoyed the first happy moment for several days. The +Canoness was standing beside the old peasant woman, gazing rapturously +into vacancy, as though still under the thrall of the notes she had +just heard. As I passed with a slight bow, she only moved her blonde +lashes a little, while her lips parted in a serene smile. No +enthusiastic eulogy could have rewarded me more highly. + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait to meet her again at dinner. I fully expected +that she would at last break her cold silence, and question me about +what I had played, my musical studies and tastes. But nothing of the +sort occurred. Nay, while all the others were praising and admiring me, +and the Frenchwoman, with studied graciousness, kept her black eyes on +my face, and laid a large piece of roast goose on my plate with her own +hands, Fräulein Luise looked at me so absently and indifferently that I +could not help secretly brooding over this mystery. + +I was also annoyed because the baron, who had made no allusion to my +sermon, delivered a long speech about my organ-music, from which I +perceived that he had not taken the slightest interest in it, and was +merely patching together, with a defective memory, certain phrases +about the value of music to religious consciousness and the sin of +considering the old church-hymns antiquated. + +But Uncle Joachim vouchsafed me for the first time a brief conversation +in a low tone, which, however, I scarcely regarded as an honor. I +thought him an insignificant, frivolous old nobleman; besides, he had +not been to church at all. + +I longed to learn whether I owed the happy moment after my playing to +self-delusion, or what was the reason I had again fallen into disfavor +with the Canoness. So, soon after dinner, I went into the park and +sauntered about within a short distance of the summer-house, holding in +my hand a book, at which I gazed intently without reading a line. + +My friend Liborius had told me that Fräulein Luise drank coffee every +Sunday afternoon with her Uncle Joachim, who made it himself in his +little pot, and ordered the cakes from the town at the next station. +They always enjoyed it very much, and could often be heard talking and +laughing loudly together. + +I had seen her go there that day, after giving a Sunday morsel to the +sick peacock and stroking its back as it came up to her, screaming and +fluttering. I did not understand how she could love the spiteful, +disagreeable bird, any more than I could comprehend what attracted her +to her godless uncle, with his sarcastic smile, whom I so greatly +envied on account of her preference. I waited at my post an hour and a +half in a very irritated mood, and was just in the act of turning away, +and driving the arrogant enchantress out of my thoughts, when the door +of the summer-house opened and she herself appeared, evidently in the +gayest humor. + +But, as she caught sight of me, a shadow instantly flitted over her +face, and only a faint smile of superiority lingered on her lips. + +"You are waiting for me, Herr Weissbrod," she said, carelessly, +advancing directly to me. "You want a compliment for your church +concert, do you not? Well, you played very finely." + +I was so bewildered by this address, and still more by the glance with +which she seemed to illumine my inmost heart, and read my most secret +thoughts, that at first I could only stammer a few unmeaning words. She +seemed to pity my awkwardness. + +"Yes," she repeated, "you really played very finely. Where did you +learn? Our organ sounds well, doesn't it? Do you play on the piano +too?" + +I answered that I had taken lessons at college, but had never made much +progress on the piano, which required greater dexterity. Besides, there +were no such beautiful, solemn melodies for the piano as for the organ. + +She again looked at me with so strange an expression that I lowered my +eyes. + +"Do you love music only when it is solemn?" she asked, and turned away +as if to leave me. But I was determined to speak freely and compel her +to confess her grudge against me. + +"I thought you would be of the same opinion on this point," I answered, +hastily. "At least I have only heard you sing slow, solemn melodies." + +"Me? Oh, yes! You are my neighbor in the tower." She smiled faintly, +but instantly grew grave again. "Well, would you like to know why I +sing nothing else? Because I have a heavy voice that does not suit gay +airs. Yet 'Bloom, dear Violet,' and 'When I on my Faded Cheek,' or +anything still more light and cheerful, can touch the feelings as much +as the most devout choral, if it only comes from a merry heart and a +pure voice. True, we can not win artistic renown or be considered +specially pious by singing such things; though I think God has the same +pleasure in the chirp of the cricket as in the trills of the +nightingale." + +"You wound me, Fräulein," I answered, crimson with emotion. "You do me +great injustice if you believe that what I do or leave undone is for +the sake of external effect. Who gave you so bad an opinion of me?" + +She stopped and looked at me again, not into my eyes, but at my hair, +whose parting had meanwhile daily moved farther to the left. + +"Do you really care to know what I think of you? Well, I believe you +vain and weak, a man who no longer reflects upon anything because he +imagines he has made himself familiar, once for all, with all the +enigmas of life, though he does not yet know even the first word of +them. I don't blame you, for I know that this is the case with most of +those who have pursued your path. But, as I have different ideas of the +one thing needful, we certainly have nothing to share with each other." + +I felt a keen pang at these words, but was resolved at any cost to know +more, to know everything. + +"And what is your idea of the one thing needful?" I asked, trembling +with emotion. "You say such hard things to me. Are you perfectly sure +that you have a right to do so? Are you certain that you are yourself +in possession of the right knowledge?" + +"Oh, no," she replied, and her voice suddenly sounded strangely low and +earnest, as if she were speaking only to herself; "but I know that I +seek truth and allow myself to be led astray by no external delusion, +peril, or reward. No more can be required of any one, but no human +being should demand less from himself. I don't know why I am saying +this to you; I see by your puzzled face that it is a language wholly +unfamiliar. Well, I have neither taste nor talent for converting any +one. I shall thank God if I can conquer myself." + +She bent over a bed to straighten a young cabbage-plant that had just +been set out and was half trodden down. + +"Fräulein," I said, once more fully conscious of my ecclesiastical +dignity, "has not God himself pointed out to us the way in which we +must seek him? And is it not boastful to disdain this allotted way and +seek a side-path, merely in order to be able to say to ourselves that +we do not follow the high-road?" + +She straightened herself, and flashed a glance at me from her dark +eyes, which she always closed a little when angry. + +"Boastful!" she answered. "If food that neither satisfies nor nourishes +is offered, and I can break from some bough fruit that suits me better! +Boastful, because I do not wish to starve! That is only another of +those speeches learned by rote. You do not even suspect how much you +yourself suffer from arrogance." Then, after a pause, during which I +persistently asked myself, "Good Heavens! what am I to do? how shall I +say anything that does not displease her?" she added: + +"I will tell you why the high-road is so detestable to me: because I +can not bear to hear strangers chatter thoughtlessly about things I +love. If I revere any human being, it always seems to me like a +desecration to hear him approved and praised by others who do not know +him so well; how much more when I hear all sorts of things said about +my Creator, things which distort the image of him I cherish in my +heart! I suddenly turn as cold as ice, and feel as much oppressed as if +he were taken from me, and strangers were pressing between us. Whoever +really loves God keeps that love secretly, does not repeat others' +protestations of affection, nor use worn-out forms of speech already +employed a thousand times. It seems to me like having a love-letter +copied from a letter-writer. You know the passage in the Bible that +says we must go to our closets and shut the door. Yet you come forward +publicly and preach your petty human wisdom, as if you were thereby +doing God a special favor. If you had a wife, would you not be ashamed +to plant yourself in the village street and protest that she was a +paragon of her sex?" + +"Oh," I said, "how can you make such a comparison! God belongs to no +one person alone." + +"Do you really believe so? I think, on the contrary, that God belongs +to every human being alone. He dwells in a special way in each human +soul, and whoever does not feel this has not received him into his +heart at all." + +"Then you object to all public worship, Fräulein?" + +"No, only that which prevents our coming to ourselves and God within +us. Did you not hear how our old pastor preached to-day? How completely +he forgot that he was in a crowded church, and poured out his heart as +if he were alone with his Creator! So every one had time to do the +same, and also approach God in his own soul. The rest of the old man's +discourse was like a father talking to his children. Even if they did +not all agree with him, they heard him speak from his inmost heart, and +were glad to have him still among them and see his venerable white hair +and his gentle eyes." + +"Then it surely is not my fault if I can not assume the right paternal +tone, since my hair is not yet white," I answered, trying to jest. + +"Not your fault," she replied, "but the fault of those who believe +young people capable of taking charge of a parish. Well, it is all the +same to me." + +"Because you will not go to church again when I preach? Oh, Fräulein, +try once more! Don't give me up too quickly! What you have said has +made a deeper impression upon me than you suppose. Perhaps we may yet +understand each other better than you now believe." + +She reflected an instant, and then said: "Very well, if you lay stress +upon it, I will try once more. At the worst, I can think of something +else. Farewell!" + +She left me, and walked with her swift, even steps to the castle. + + + * * * * * + + +I can not describe the state of mind in which I spent the days until +the following Sunday. + +When a house, in which a man has lived safely and happily for years, +suddenly falls under the shock of an earthquake, and he escapes, at +great peril, with bruised head and half-broken limbs into the open air, +his feelings may be somewhat akin to mine. + +At first, it is true, the old Adam stirred and tried to reconstruct the +ruined edifice and persuade me that it might be made habitable again. +But I soon felt that the dust floating around it oppressed my breathing +more and more, and the old walls shook at the slightest motion. Only +one little room had escaped the universal destruction--the one I was to +enter and shut the door behind me to be alone with my Creator and my +love for him. + +But I am not writing the confessions of my own soul and my incarnation, +but the account of a far better and more interesting human being. So I +will be brief. + +My anxiety lest the old pastor should be able to fill his pulpit again +the following Sunday, for which I did not reproach myself at all, +though it showed little love for my neighbor, had been superfluous. His +disease again confined him to the arm-chair by the window. But he +talked long and cordially with me, and, when on my departure he +embraced me, I thought I perceived that he was better satisfied with my +conversation this time than during our first interview. With his wife, +however, I had found no special favor as yet. + +When the Sunday had come and I heard the bells ring and the hymn was +sung, I was obliged to drink a glass of the wine kept in the vestry for +the communion service, in order to control the wholly unprecedented +weakness that assailed me. My knees trembled as if I were about to +plead my own cause before a jury, in a case where my life was at stake. +Yet there were only two judges in the church whose verdict I valued--my +own consciousness, and the grave face beside Mother Lieschen in the +last pew. + +To be brief, the culprit was absolved. + +I had chosen the text, "I will not let thee go, except thou bless me!" + +And when I began to speak it was not long ere I forgot everything +around and was entirely alone in the church with one whom hitherto I +had only known afar off, but who now for the first time drew near me, +clasped my cold, damp hand, and gazed into my eyes with indescribable +goodness, gentleness, and majesty, so that I clung fervently to him and +poured forth all the trouble of my bewildered soul till he raised and +blessed me. + +My heart was so melted by the feeling of having at last beheld my God +that I did not even glance at the pew under the organ-loft. But, in a +pause which I was compelled to make to control my emotion, I perceived +two things that satisfied me that I had found the right words: the +pastor's wife was gazing affectionately at me with motherly love, as if +she were listening to her own son, and the baron had again let his chin +sink on his breast and was sleeping the sleep of the just, as soundly +and sweetly as I had seen him on the previous Sunday during the old +pastor's sermon. + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait for dinner. I did not expect a kind word from any +of the others, but I firmly believed that she would grant me a friendly +look. + +But, as I entered the dining-room, my first glance fell on the cold, +arrogant face of Cousin Kasimir, and all my pleasure was spoiled. + +True, my heart grew warm again. For the first time Uncle Joachim was +not the only one who pressed my hand. Fräulein Luise also extended +hers, which was neither small nor especially white, but, when I +cordially clasped and pressed it, I felt a joy akin to that of the +first man when the Creator stretched out his hand and bade him rise and +look heavenward. + +It was but a brief happiness; I perceived, by the Canoness's stern eyes +and compressed lips, that she was no longer thinking of me and my +sermon, but of something repulsive and hopeless. Besides, she did not +whisper some confidential remark to her neighbor now and then, as +usual, and a leaden cloud of discomfort rested upon the whole company +at table. + +Cousin Kasimir alone seemed to be in an unusually cheerful mood, which, +however, did not appear quite natural, and chattered continually, +telling hunting stories, news from Berlin, and occasionally commencing +bits of gossip, which the baron hastened to interrupt on the children's +account. + +He was very handsomely dressed, wore a small bouquet of violets in his +new dark-blue coat, and had carefully trimmed his somewhat thin fair +hair and small mustache. + +As soon as we rose from the table, the Canoness was retiring as usual, +but her uncle said: "Come to my room, Luise." She looked at him with a +steady, almost defiant glance, then stooped to kiss her aunt's cheek +and followed him. + +Cousin Kasimir had approached Mademoiselle Suzon, to whom he constantly +paid compliments in French, without receiving any special +encouragement. My pupil had seized his sister's hand and hurried off to +show her a new gun Cousin Kasimir had brought him. The old baroness sat +in her high-backed chair, gazing at the beautiful blue sky as if her +thoughts were far away. I took my leave of her, which roused her from +her abstraction, and she gave me her little wrinkled hand, looked at me +with her sad, gentle eyes, and said: "You edified me greatly to-day, +Herr Candidate. God bless you for it." + +At any other time this praise would have greatly delighted me, but +to-day all my thoughts were fixed on the person to whom my heart clung, +and I could not shake off the idea that she was now enduring an +unpleasant scene. I went up to my chamber in the tower and paced +restlessly to and fro within its four walls, like a wild beast +in a cage. Sometimes I went to the window and looked down into the +court-yard without knowing what I expected to see there. An hour +probably passed in this way, then a groom led Cousin Kasimir's horse to +the foot of the steps and, directly after, he himself appeared, +accompanied by the master of the house. He was very much excited, he +had cocked his hat defiantly over his left eye, and was lashing his +high boots violently with his riding-whip. I heard his disagreeable +laugh, which now sounded angry and malignant. He shook the baron's hand +and, with a wrathful smile, said a few words I did not understand, +which brought a sullen look to his companion's face. Then he swung +himself into the saddle, driving his spurs into the flanks of his noble +horse so cruelly that it reared high in the air, and then darted like +an arrow down the elm avenue with its savage rider. + +I remained standing at the window a little longer; I did not know +myself why I felt so strangely relieved by this speedy departure. +Something decisive, something that had made the hated cousin's blood +boil, had evidently occurred. And I grudged him no vexation. + +The air was now pure again, and I determined to go down to the +kitchen-garden in quest of information. But, while passing Uncle +Joachim's open windows, I did not hear the Canoness's voice, and could +nowhere find any trace of her. The peacock screamed so discontentedly +as I passed him that I knew he had not received his usual Sunday +dainty. But in other respects the garden was very pleasant, the beds +were full of spring flowers, and the first light-green foliage was +waving on all the branches in the delightful May air. At last I met my +old friend Liborius. + +He was sitting in his clean white sleeves on one of the farthest +benches, with a tattered book in his hand, and a cigar, a luxury he +allowed himself only on Sunday, between his teeth. + +I sat down beside him, took the volume, which was nothing worse than a +novel by Van der Velde, now forgotten, and ere ten minutes had passed I +knew everything I desired to learn. For, as the castle afforded no +other entertainment, so thorough a system of watching and listening had +been established that the family might as well have discussed their +most private affairs before the assembled servants as behind closed +doors. + +The long and short of the matter was that Cousin Kasimir had sued for +the hand of the Canoness; but the latter, on being informed by her +uncle of the flattering and advantageous offer, had curtly replied that +she felt neither love nor esteem for the suitor, and begged once for +all that she might hear no more about him. + +A terrible scene had followed, the baron had flown into an +inconceivable fury, upbraided her for her poverty, her impiety, her +defiance of his kindness and wisdom as her guardian, and who could tell +where it might have ended had not the young lady turned away with a +contemptuous shrug of the shoulders and left the room. + +Now even her pleasant coffee-drinking with Uncle Joachim was spoiled. +She had locked herself up in her chamber, and would not see any human +being. + +I heard all this--part of which I had already conjectured--with secret +triumph, bade my informant good-evening, and strolled through the park +into the open country. + +Never had I been so happy on any day I had spent in the castle. A small +quiet flame was burning in my breast, as if it were some pure +hearthstone, and must have shone from my eyes. At least all who met me +looked at me as if they saw me for the first time, or, rather, were +wondering what change had taken place in me. The peasants in that +neighborhood are not loquacious, but more than one stopped of his own +accord and said something about the crops, the weather, and the need of +a good harvest, in which I thought I heard the assurance that they no +longer considered me a stranger, but would confidently confess their +spiritual wants as well as their external ones. + +And the young grain was so beautifully green, the little fleecy clouds +in the bright sky drifted along so gayly, the countless nightingales +were already beginning their evening songs, scarcely a patch of green +was visible in the meadows among the spring flowers, the dogs lay +yawning and stretching in front of the little houses, which extended +from the village to the fir-wood, and the only person who had been like +the Satan of this beautiful spot of earth, Cousin Kasimir, had +departed, gnashing his teeth, leaving the good people to enjoy the +bright Sunday repose. + +When I at last approached the little wood, whose narrow border of young +birch-trees bounded the last inhabited tract, I saw a low hut whose +straw roof looked as awry and dilapidated as a moth-eaten fur cap that +has fallen over one of its wearer's ears. I knew that Mother Lieschen +lived here, but had always passed by it on my strolls. To-day some +impulse prompted me to go there. + +It was a miserable shelter for a human being, having but one window by +the side of the low door, and only a single room, which had not been +whitewashed for many years. A patch of ground behind it, inclosed by +a low, ruinous fence, contained a few potato-plants and two tiny +flower-beds, both still empty. A lean goat, tethered to the fence, was +grazing on a bit of turf; two pairs of stockings and a much-darned +shirt were hanging on the old palings to dry. Yet this scene of the +deepest poverty seemed to me more beautiful than Gessner's trimmest +idyl, for, on the bench before the house, by the side of the old woman, +whose thin gray hair fluttered unconfined, sat the object of my secret +worship. + + + * * * * * + + +The Canoness held on her lap a woman's old blue waist, which she was so +busily engaged in darning that she did not notice my approach until I +stood close before her. Mother Lieschen was half blind, and could not +see anything at a distance of more than two paces. + +I was greatly astonished, when Fräulein Luise looked up at me, to see +in her beautiful, calm face no trace of the emotions which had +embittered the afternoon. + +She greeted me in her usual simple way, but I felt that I was no longer +a disagreeable object. With a slight blush, she told me that she was +helping the old woman--whose stiff fingers could scarcely hold the +needle--with her sewing. I asked if I might join them, and took my seat +on the bottom of a wash-tub turned upside down. The kitten came out of +the hut, rubbed purring against me, and at last jumped confidingly into +my lap. Then a short conversation began, which seemed to me far more +interesting than the most profound debates at our college. + +I do not know what we talked about, but I can still remember that the +old dame, who spoke the purest Low German, sometimes made brief, droll +remarks, which greatly amused all three of us. She had asked Fräulein +Luise to tell her about Berlin, where, though nearly seventy, she had +never been. But the Canoness did not relate all the marvels as if she +were talking to a child, but as though she expected from Mother +Lieschen's wisdom a decisive verdict upon people and things. I rarely +mingled in the conversation between the two friends, but gazed intently +at the Canoness's beautiful bowed face and amber hair, and then at the +slender fingers that used the needle and thread so nimbly. Sometimes +the goat bleated, and the kitten arched her soft back to rub it against +my hand. + +At last the difficult task was finished, and Fräulein Luise rose, +pressed the old dame's shriveled fingers, pushed back from her face a +few gray hairs that had fallen over her eyes, and prepared to return +home. + +I asked if I might accompany her, and she silently nodded assent. +Yet at first we said nothing. I cast stolen side-glances at her. She +wore a dark summer dress, very simple in style, which, like all her +clothes--as I knew through friend Liborius--she had made herself. But +it fitted her so well. Her figure, which afterward became somewhat too +stout, was then in its most perfect symmetry. + +At last I said, "You are becoming a deaconess, Fräulein, after all. At +least, I am constantly meeting you engaged in some work of charity." + +She looked calmly at me. "I hope you don't say that in mockery, because +you do not believe in works, and think salvation is gained only by +faith. But I have never understood that. Whoever regards neighborly +love as not merely a command, but a necessity of the heart, can be +happy on earth only when he helps his fellow-man wherever he can. And +do you really believe any one can be happy in heaven who was not so on +earth?" + +I now launched into a long discourse upon salvation by faith, till I +perceived that she was listening absently. + +Suddenly she interrupted me. + +"No, I would not do for a deaconess. If I were to wear a special +uniform of Christian charity, I should begin to be ashamed of what is +best and dearest within me. A thing that is a matter of course ought +not to be made a profession whose sign we wear. Others, I know, think +differently. But neither could I put on the pastor's robe, if I were a +man. Yet perhaps it is necessary; people cling to appearances, and +clothes make people." + +She said all this interruptedly, stooping frequently to gather +flowers--which she arranged in a bouquet--from the meadows through +which we were walking. + +Somewhat embarrassed to defend my position, I tried to help myself with +a jest. + +"I would give much if I could see you stand in the pulpit in a black +robe and bands, and hear you preach. But tell me, if you had been a +man, what profession would you have chosen?" + +The Canoness stood still a moment, apparently gazing at a wide, radiant +prospect with a rapt expression I had never seen on her face before. + +"I would have been an artist, an actor, or a singer," she said, softly. + +"An actor?" I replied, scarcely concealing my horror. + +"What do you discover so terrible in that?" she asked, with a slight, +sarcastic smile. "Is it not a magnificent thing to embody the +characters of a great author, to cast noble, beautiful thoughts among +the throng of breathless listeners? But perhaps you know nothing about +it. You believe the theatre to be a sink of iniquity, like so many of +your class. I can only pity you. I have neither the desire nor the +power to convert you to a better view." + +"And where were you yourself converted?" + +"Oh, I--I, like you, was reared to loathe this so-called jugglery. But, +three years ago, I spent several months in Berlin. An old aunt, who was +very fond of me, sent for me because she was entirely alone. Uncle +Joachim took me to her. There I spent the happiest period of my life, +and there the scales fell from my eyes." + +"If those are your views, have you never felt tempted to become a +singer?" I inquired. "With your beautiful voice and love for music--" + +"No," she answered, firmly, "as a girl I should never have ventured +into that career. For the very reason that music lies so near my heart, +I should feel it a desecration to be compelled to come forward and +reveal my inmost soul to strangers, who had paid for tickets. Perhaps, +if I had true genius, it would bear me above all such scruples. And yet +the greatest singer I ever heard, Milder--have you heard Milder?" + +I was forced to confess I had never entered an opera-house. + +"Well, then, we will say no more about the matter," she replied. "You +could not understand me. But I pity you." + +Yet she did tell me more of her experiences in Berlin. She had heard +Milder in some of Gluck's operas and in "The Vestal," and described her +appearance, her figure, her execution; then, assuming a majestic +attitude, she herself sang several passages which had specially touched +her. Her fair face flushed crimson, and her eyes sparkled. + +I believe it was on that evening that she enthralled my heart forever. +Not a word was exchanged between us concerning the events of the +afternoon or of my sermon. But I was too happy to find that she gave me +her confidence so far, not to forget myself and my petty vanity. + +We rambled over the fields for an hour, until it grew perfectly dark, +and returned to the castle just at tea-time. The Canoness had arranged +her bouquet very gracefully and laid it beside her aunt's cup, who +patted her arm with a grateful glance. She looked past her uncle into +vacancy, without moving a muscle. The latter was in the worst possible +humor, which he even vented on Mademoiselle Suzon during the game of +chess. + +Soon after I went to my tower-room, Fräulein Luise began to sing below. +I listened at my open window in a perfect rapture of every sense. +Outside, the nightingales were trilling, beneath me this magnificent +voice, in which so strong, so pure, so noble a woman's soul appealed to +me--I felt as if my whole being had been encompassed with iron bands, +and in this "moonlit, magic night" one after another burst asunder, and +I could breathe freely for the first time. + + + * * * * * + + +Much might be said of the days that followed. They were the happiest of +my young life. But memorable as they are still, distinctly as I can +recall all the trivial events and rapturous joys of many, I shall avoid +relating them in detail. + +Though a man should speak of his first and only love with the tongue of +an angel, he would find no patient listeners. + +Yet, for truth's sake, I must here remark that I did not deceive myself +for an instant in regard to the hopelessness of my passion. But, +strangely enough, this clear perception of the heights and depths which +separated me from the woman I worshiped did not make me unhappy. Nay, +it would only have crippled the lofty flight of my feelings had I +flattered myself that this peerless, unattainable being might some day +prosaically descend from her height and become the wife of a +commonplace village pastor. True, I can not assert that this state of +mere spiritual aspiration would always have continued. If she gave me +her hand, if her dress brushed me, or my foot even touched the shoes +she had put outside her chamber-door in the evening to be cleaned, an +electric shock thrilled me, which doubtless had some other origin than +mere devotion and the worship we pay to saints. + +Still, it never entered my mind to imagine that I could put my arm +around her and press her lips. I believe I should have actually fallen +lifeless from ecstasy if such a thing had occurred. + +Externally everything remained precisely as before--our lesson-hours, +which she always attended as a duenna, our Sunday conversations in the +kitchen-garden, now and then a meeting at Mother Lieschen's. Yet I felt +more and more plainly that she trusted me and had forgiven my former +follies. My hair was now parted wholly on the left side, and no longer +combed behind my ears. + +Whitsuntide came in the middle of June, and Whitsuntide Tuesday was her +birthday, on which she attained her majority. The evening before, I had +composed a long poem addressed to her, no declaration of love, merely a +simple expression of gratitude for all she had done to aid my secret +regeneration. I had carefully erased every exaggerated word that had +flowed from my pen in the first fervor of writing, and substituted a +simpler and more genuine one. I was no great poet, though I had been +considered one at the college. While following the style in which +church hymns are composed, I had been able to deceive myself on this +point. Now that I desired to express my deepest personal feelings, I +perceived that God had not granted me the power "to tell what I +suffered." Yet on the whole I did not succeed badly, and it afforded me +special pleasure to accost her in my lyric flight with the "Du" (thou). + +Then I made a fair copy of my poem, and at midnight stole softly +down-stairs and pushed it under her door, that she might find it the +next morning. + +I waited with many an inward tremor and quickened throbbing of the +heart to learn how she would receive it, and was much relieved when, at +dinner, she showed me by an unusually cordial pressure of the hand that +she had not been displeased. No notice was taken in the household, save +surreptitiously, of the high holiday, for which no celebration, either +of music, illuminations, or fireworks, would have seemed to me +brilliant enough. The old baroness had crocheted a large silver-gray +shawl, which, spite of the heat, the Canoness did not lay aside all +day; Uncle Joachim wore a little bouquet in the button-hole of his gray +coat; my pupil Achatz, who had grown very well behaved, gave her a +horse which he had sketched very carefully from nature; and Fräulein +Leopoldine had placed in her room a rose-bush in full bloom. The master +of the house appeared to see no reason for making any special ado over +the day, though it must have been a marked one to him, since it +relieved him from the duties of his guardianship. + +"Come and drink coffee with me this afternoon," Uncle Joachim had +whispered to me as he rose from the table. I bowed silently, feeling as +if I had received a patent of nobility. + +When, an hour later, I went to the little summerhouse, I found the +Canoness already there. Diana, Uncle Joachim's pointer, sprang toward +me growling, as soon as I crossed the threshold of the sanctuary; but, +seeing that her master welcomed me kindly, lay down again, whining and +wagging her tail, at the feet of the young lady who, from time to time, +rubbed her smooth back with the tip of her foot. + +Uncle Joachim wore a short summer coat made of unbleached linen, with +yellow bone buttons, and a white cravat, and had brushed the hair over +his high forehead in a curve that gave him a holiday air. On the neatly +covered table, which had been cleared and pushed into the middle of the +room, stood a large pound-cake adorned with a wreath of roses. + +"You ought to brighten up Herr Weissbrod's black coat a little, Luise," +he said, with his dry, good-natured smile. "A poet likes flowers." + +I blushed at finding the secret of my rhymed congratulations betrayed, +and the flush grew deeper when the young lady took several beautiful +buds from the garland and fastened them in my button-hole with her own +hands. Then we three sat in the most delightful friendliness around the +table; Fräulein Luise poured the coffee from the big Bunzlau[1] pot, +and cut the cake. I was amazed to see with what persistent dexterity +Uncle Joachim made the largest pieces vanish behind his sound teeth, +while I myself had lost all appetite in the delight of being near her. +Meantime a merry little conversation went on, spiced by my host's droll +remarks and Luise's musical laughter. I myself served as a target for +the old gentleman, who indulged in jests about my inward and outward +transformation, but so kindly that I could not help joining in the +laugh, without the least feeling of offense. + +I was ashamed of having at first set so low a value upon this man. No +one could desire a more genial companion; without the least effort he +gave an interesting turn to everything he said. + +When only a small portion of the cake was left, our host filled a +short, smoke-blackened pipe with French tobacco, stretched his long +limbs comfortably under the table, and began for the first time to +really thaw out. He amused himself by recalling how and where, during +the past years, he had spent his niece's birthdays. The year she was +born, he had been in France, and related all sorts of adventures he had +had there, often breaking off, however, as he approached the point, +because they were not exactly fit for a woman's ears. Then he spoke of +his other journeys, his travels in Spain, often with a heavy sigh, +because such delightful days were over. He also questioned me about my +so-called past, and, shaking his head, said, "You have missed a great +deal, Herr Weissbrod. Whoever doesn't sow his wild oats in youth, must +commit his follies later, when they are less easily forgiven. Nature +will not be mocked." + +Luise rose, saying that she was going to take a walk. Then she asked +for a piece of paper, in which she carefully wrapped the remains of the +cake, pressed Uncle Joachim's hand, and nodded pleasantly to me. "Wait +a bit," cried the old gentleman, in Platt Deutsch--he was very fond of +speaking it when in a good humor--"the old witch shall have a birthday +present from me too." While speaking, he took from the chest of drawers +a small snuffbox, which he had made himself out of birch-bark, and +filled it with tobacco. "Here's something for her eyes. She need only +try it. When she has used it all up, I'll give her more." + +I understood that these holiday presents were intended for Mother +Lieschen, and would have been only too glad to accompany the young +lady. But I did not venture to make the offer, and, after she had gone, +remained a few minutes with the old gentleman. + +I call him so because, at that time, when I was only twenty-three, he +really seemed to me very elderly and venerable, but he would have been +not a little offended, or else laughed heartily, had he suspected that, +while only forty-eight, I had already placed him on the catalogue of +ancients. + +When we were alone, he laid his large hairy hand on my shoulder. + +"You are still a young man, Herr Weissbrod," he said. "But when you +have half a century more on your back, even though you have used your +eyes industriously meanwhile, I doubt whether you will have met any +human being more pleasing to God than the girl whose birth we celebrate +to-day. I am glad that, judging from your poem, some idea of this is +beginning to dawn upon you. Only heed this well-meant advice--don't +scorch your wings. That's nonsense." + +I stammered something that sounded like an assurance that I was far +from intending such presumption. + +"That's right, my son," he said, kindly. "Follies, as I declared, are +good things in their way. But we mustn't lose hide and hair in +committing them, like the bear who put his head into the honey-tree and +couldn't pull it out again. Good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. Don't take +offense because I don't go to hear your sermons. My old heathen, the +rheumatism, can't bear the air of the church." + + + * * * * * + + +How often I afterward recalled the worthy man's words, and could not +help sighing mournfully and saying, with a shake of the head, "Good +advice is cheap. You were her uncle, dear friend, and, besides, had had +your due share of 'follies' in the past, while I, poor student of +theology, had yet to learn the first rudiments of passion. + +"Then you did not consider the unreasonable number of nightingales in +the park, which were fairly in league against me; and, what was still +more, the voice below, Gluck's 'Armida,' Spontini's 'Vestal,' and all +the divine spells of golden hair and brown eyes." + +But I am lapsing into Wertherism again. At least, I will commit no more +follies now, but continue my narrative like an honest chronicler. + + + * * * * * + + +We are writing of August 26th. It was a fruitful year, and the harvest +had almost all been garnered. But the heat daily increased, and we +obtained no relief until after sunset. I had gone in the sweat of my +brow to the next village, which belonged to our parish, on an errand of +duty: to aid a sick tailor who desired spiritual consolation--no easy +task. The old sinner, in his terror and despair, had been reading +certain tracts and taken specially to heart the doctrine of the endless +punishments of hell, probably because he was aware that he had made a +sinful use of his tailor's hell[2] here below. + +I did my best to calm him, and, as I had the reputation among my +parishioners of being an enlightened and not fanatical preacher, +succeeded in partially soothing him and inspiring his soul with some +degree of trust in God's mercy. + +As I returned through our own village in the gathering dusk of +twilight, I saw a little group of children standing in front of the +tavern, staring at two dusty, shabby carriages. The first was an +ordinary, four-seated calash, with a torn leather covering, and a +broken spring under the box, temporarily mended with ropes. The second +vehicle was a large, windowless box on a rough platform, such as is +commonly used for a furniture-van. Of the people traveling in this +extraordinary equipage I saw only two persons, who were sitting on the +little bench beside the tavern-door, a bold-eyed, pale-faced young +fellow, not more than twenty, who, with his straw hat trimmed with a +dirty blue ribbon, pushed far back on his head, and his hands thrust +into his pockets, was saying to his companion, amid frequent yawns, all +sorts of things I could not understand. He had a bottle of beer beside +him, from which he occasionally filled a glass, held it up to the +light, and then emptied it at one draught. + +The girl by his side was probably sixteen or eighteen years old. Her +appearance was disagreeable to me at the first glance, though no one +could have helped owning that her prettiness was more than the mere +beauty of youth. But the bold way in which she turned up her little +nose, the scornful looks she cast at the villagers, and especially the +soulless laugh with which she greeted her companion's jests, were +thoroughly repulsive to me. + +Her dress was as shabby as the vehicle in which she had arrived. But +she had fastened a huge red bow into her black hair, and fancied +herself sufficiently adorned in comparison to the barefooted children. +Her little dirty hand held a few flowers, which she continually bit +with her sharp white teeth, and then spat the leaves out of her mouth +again. + +The landlady, who came forward when she saw me stop before the house, +told me that they were actors. There was a married couple, too, but +they were in their room. The manager had gone up to the castle to speak +to the baron. + +I don't know why the sight of the poor traveling players was so +repulsive to me. One might almost believe in some prophetic gift of the +soul, for I had long been cured of my aversion to actors by Fräulein +Luise's opinion of them. + +So I did not linger long, but briefly reported to my old pastor how I +had found his parishioner in the village--we were now one in heart and +soul, including the pastor's wife--and then walked rapidly to the +castle. As I turned from the elm avenue into the court-yard, I +instantly perceived that something unusual was occurring. A groom was +leading up and down a saddled horse, which I recognized from the +silver-mounted bridle as Cousin Kasimir's. During the months that had +passed since the latter's rejection, he had only come to the castle +when he had some business matter to settle with the baron, and never +remained to dine or to spend the evening. Yet this surely could not be +the cause of the general excitement. Almost all the servants were +standing, whispering together, near the staircase, on whose upper step +the baron's valet and the cook--the two most zealous gatherers and +diffusers of everything that happened in the household--had stationed +themselves like two sentinels. They were so thoroughly absorbed in +their office of listening, that they did not even move as I passed. +True, this task was certainly made very easy for them. + +Voices were ringing through the spacious entrance-hall in tones so loud +and excited that every word could be distinctly heard outside of the +lofty doors. Within I saw the master of the house, his face deeply +flushed, and beside him Cousin Kasimir, with his hat on one side of his +head and in his hand a riding-whip with which he beat time to his +uncle's words; behind the glass door appeared the faces of the two +children and Mademoiselle Suzon, pressed closely against one another, +while opposite to the baron stood a handsome, finely formed man, the +cause and center of the whole scene, whom I had no difficulty in +recognizing as the manager of the company of actors. + +He was showily dressed in a blue coat with gilt buttons, black +trousers, red velvet vest, and light cravat. Yet, this somewhat +variegated attire was by no means unbecoming to him, since it made his +symmetrical and not over-corpulent figure more conspicuous. His head +was gracefully poised on his broad shoulders; but at first I only saw +the lustrous black locks that fell rather low on his neck, then, as he +turned his face, the finely cut profile and light-gray eyes, whose +expression was both honest and self-conscious. He held in his left hand +a pair of yellow gloves and a black hat, while he gesticulated eagerly +with his right, making a red stone in his large seal ring glitter. + +"Only one night, only this one night, Herr Baron," I heard him say in a +resonant, somewhat theatrical voice, which, however, had a certain +cadence that touched the heart. "If I must give up proving to you and +your honored family, by a recitation, that you are not dealing with an +ordinary strolling company, but with an artist by the grace of God--" + +"I forbid you to utter the name of God uselessly," the baron vehemently +interrupted. "The calling you pursue has nothing in common with God or +divine things. We know what spirit rules those who devote themselves to +your profession. And, in short, I shall not change what I have said." + +"I will not discuss the matter further, Herr Baron," replied the actor +with quiet dignity. "But consider, there is a sick woman in my company, +who has been made much worse by the journey here over the rough roads. +If she is permitted to rest this one night, we shall continue our way +to-morrow with lighter hearts. Therefore I most earnestly beseech--" + +"You have nothing to beseech; I have expressed my will," cried the +baron furiously, passing his hand through his beard, which with him was +always a sign of extreme anger. "I have told you that the control of +the police regulations in the district intrusted to my care is in my +hands, and that I could not reconcile it to my conscience if to-morrow, +on the Lord's day, a few paces from the house in which his word is +preached, one might meet a company of strolling players, whose +depravity is stamped upon their brows. You will therefore return to +your people at once, and see that they are ordered outside the limits +of the village within an hour." + +These words were accompanied with such an unequivocal gesture toward +the door that I believed the final decision had been uttered. But the +actor stood motionless, save that he turned his head toward the side +where the stairs led to the upper story, and, as my glance followed +his, I saw what had silenced him, though I did not instantly perceive +the true cause. In the dusk above us, on the central landing, stood the +tall, slender figure of the Canoness. + + + * * * * * + + +All eyes were involuntarily fixed upon her where she leaned, as though +turned to stone, against the railing. She had grown deadly pale; life +seemed to linger only in her eyes. + +"Fräulein," I heard the stranger exclaim in a tone of the most joyful +surprise, "you appear before me like an angel of deliverance. Can you +refuse to say a word in my behalf? Consider that the point in question +is not so much my sorely insulted dignity as an artist, as a simple +duty of benevolence. Through a mistake, in taking what I supposed to be +a short cut, I came here. For two years I have had the privilege of +giving performances in the cities of Pomerania and the Mark, and, after +spending several weeks in L----, I intended to go to R----, where I +meant to practice my art during the last months of summer. I should +probably have reached the railway-station to-day, had not the lady who +plays the old woman's parts in my company been taken violently ill. And +now the Herr Baron, as you have heard, wants to turn us out of his +territory as though we were a band of gypsies. You, who know me, +Fräulein, will not hesitate to be my security; you will explain to the +baron--" + +The nobleman did not let him finish. + +"Do you dare, sir!" he shrieked (his voice sounded like the creaking of +a weathercock in a storm), "do you presume to appeal to my own niece +for support? Do you wish to shake the foundations of the authority on +which the life of every Christian family is founded? Such unprecedented +insolence--" + +His voice suddenly failed, he tore open his coat to get more air, and +his hand groped around as though seeking some weapon to expel the +intruder by force. + +Just at that instant we heard from the staircase the firm voice of the +Canoness, only it sounded somewhat deeper than usual. + +"Consider what you are doing, uncle. It would ill beseem the honor of +this house to turn from its threshold a suppliant who asks of you +nothing save what Christian love and God's command alike enjoin upon +you as a duty. I know this gentleman. I know him to be an admirable +artist, and a man of unsullied honor. To refuse him admittance to your +house is your own affair, but to deny him permission to rest for a +night in the village below, especially when a human life is perhaps at +stake, is an act you can not justify before God or man." + +A deathlike silence followed these words. No sound was heard in the +spacious hall save the gasping breath of the baron, who was vainly +striving to speak. Then the actor's fine baritone, in which there now +seemed to me a slight tone of affectation, echoed on the stillness. + +"I thank you, most honored lady, thank you from my heart, for bestowing +your sympathy upon a misunderstood disciple of Thalia. True, I expected +nothing else from your noble soul. Will you now fill up the measure of +your goodness by explaining to your uncle--" + +A sharp cracking sound interrupted him. Cousin Kasimir, who during the +whole scene had been casting furious glances around him and only +waiting for a moment when he might interfere, struck his riding-whip +violently against the top of his high boot and advanced a step. + +"Silence!" he shouted, his mustache quivering with excitement. "You +have heard that you have nothing more to ask or expect here, and if you +carry your insolence so far as to throw upon a member of this family +the suspicion of standing in any relation whatever to the head of a +band of jugglers, the baron, whose patience amazes me, will have you +driven out of his grounds by the field-guard. Do you understand, sir? +And, now, without further ceremony--" + +He advanced another step toward him and, with a threatening gesture, +raised the hand that held the whip. But the actor did not cease playing +his _rôle_ of hero for an instant. + +"Who are you, sir?" he exclaimed, without yielding an inch, "that you +dare to assume a tone whose ill-breeding befits no cultured man. You +seem to be abandoned by all the Muses and Graces, and I pity you. It +can hardly surprise me that a country nobleman has never heard the name +of Konstantin Spielberg. But in any other place I would call you to +account for speaking of my company of artists, which has been honored +by the concession of a distinguished government, as a band of jugglers. +In this house, and out of respect for the ladies present, I can only +say that I include you among the profane _vulgus_ whose opinion I +despise." + +He raised his right arm with an impressive gesture, as though hurling +an anathema against some worthless heretic or insulter of majesty, and +at the same time, with expanded chest and locks tossed back, fearlessly +confronted his foe. Then something happened which drew from me a low +exclamation of terror. The riding-whip whizzed through the air and +struck the uplifted hand of the artist, who staggered back, speechless +with pain and rage. + +"Scoundrel!" cried the nobleman's sharp voice, "dare--dare you tell me +to my face--" + +But he could say no more. The Canoness, whose approach had been +unnoticed, suddenly stood between the furious men with her tall figure +drawn up to its full height. + +"Back!" she said imperiously to the young nobleman. It was only one +word, but uttered in a tone that must have pierced to the very marrow +of his bones, for I saw him turn as white as chalk, stammer a few +unmeaning words, and draw his head between his shoulders. But, without +vouchsafing him even a glance, she went up to the ill-treated stranger, +seized the hand hanging loosely down, on which a deep-red mark was +visible, and stooping, pressed a hasty kiss upon it. + +Then in a loud voice, trembling with secret emotion, she said: "Forgive +this poor creature, he does not know what he is doing. And now shake +off the dust of this house from your shoes. You will hear from me +again." + +Once more a deathlike stillness pervaded the hall. But it lasted only a +few minutes. Then we heard the actor say: "I shall be your debtor to my +dying day, most gracious lady." + +The next instant he turned toward the door, passed me with haughty, +echoing strides, and went out upon the steps. + + + * * * * * + + +Spite of my terrible excitement, I retained sufficient deliberation to +look keenly at him. For the first time I saw his full face, whose +remarkable regularity of feature and a certain dreamy luster in the eye +aroused my astonishment. Nevertheless, he did not attract me. I thought +I detected in his expression, instead of manly indignation, a trace of +satisfied vanity, Such as may be seen in an actor who has just made an +effective exit and, while the curtain is falling, tells himself that he +is an admirable fellow. I could not help thinking involuntarily how +different would be my feelings if such a girl had done _that_ for me, +how humbly, enraptured by such divine favor, my heart would shine from +my eyes. And he seemed to be merely reflecting how brilliantly he had +retired from the stage, not at all how he had left his fellow actor +upon it. + +I gazed anxiously at the heroine of this improvised drama. She was +standing motionless, her eyes fixed with a look full of earnestness and +dignity upon the door through which the man whom she had protected had +disappeared. Her face looked as though chiseled from marble, her hands +hung by her side, and ever and anon a slight tremor ran through her +frame. + +The master of the house also stood as if he were turned to stone. Not +until Cousin Kasimir went up and whispered something to him did any +semblance of life return. He drew a long breath, then, without moving +from the spot, said: "Go to your room, Luise, and wait there for what +more I have to say. Until then I leave you to your own conscience." + +He turned quickly away and walked, followed by Cousin Kasimir, +through the glass door, which he banged noisily behind him, into the +dining-room, whither the three watching faces had shrunk, startled, +from the panes. + +Luise still stood lost in thought, showing no sign that she had heard +the imperious words. But, just as I was about to approach her and +assert my modest claim of friendship, she seemed to suddenly awake, but +without taking any notice of me. I heard her say to herself: "It is +well! Now it is decided!" Then she quietly pressed her hand on her +heart as if she felt a pang there, nodded thoughtfully twice, and +walked slowly up the steps of the great staircase, while I looked after +her in gloomy helplessness. + + + * * * * * + + +As soon as I found myself again alone and recalled all the events I had +just witnessed, I felt, with a certain sense of shame for the pettiness +of my nature, that fierce jealousy was consuming every other emotion. +So she had known and honored this man in former days. She had even +placed him on so high a pedestal in her thoughts that the proud +woman--before whom, in my opinion, the best and noblest must bow and +hold themselves richly compensated by one kind look for every annoyance +they encountered--did not for an instant consider herself too good to +kiss his hand. + +And he had received this homage as if it were his due, and thanked her +with a cold, high-sounding speech. + +What was he that she should consider him so far above her. For, after +all, the insult offered him here was not so atrocious that it could +only be atoned by the humiliation of such an angel in woman's garb. Had +he not been already dear to her, she would probably have left him to +obtain satisfaction for himself. + +She had made his acquaintance during her visit to Berlin, that was +evident, on the stage, of course, and probably elsewhere also; or how +could he have greeted her as an acquaintance? Yet she had never +mentioned his name to me, as she had spoken of the worshiped songstress +Milder. What had passed between them? And what kind of afterpiece might +yet follow the scene of today? + +I could not help thinking constantly of his handsome yet unpleasant +face, and asking myself what attraction she could find in it. I felt a +most unchristian hatred rising in my heart toward this man, who had +certainly not done me the slightest harm--nay, with whose whole +deportment I could find no fault save the somewhat theatrical air +inseparable from his profession. Yet, had I possessed the power to make +the earth by some magic spell suddenly swallow up the whole innocent +"band of jugglers," like Korah and his company, I believe I should not +have hesitated a moment. + +Since this was impossible, I resolved to try to obtain some explanation +of this disaster which, as the principal person shut herself up from +me, I could only hope to do through Uncle Joachim. Unhappily I found +his cell closed--he had ridden across the country on some business +connected with the sale of a peat-digging. I wandered in the deepest +ill-humor through the park. At last it occurred to me that Mother +Lieschen, with whom the Canoness was in the habit of talking about so +many things, might be familiar with this accursed Berlin story, and I +turned into the path leading to her lonely hut. + +But just as I caught a glimpse of the straw roof I perceived that I was +too late. The old dame was just coming out of the door, and by her side +walked Fräulein Luise herself, whom I had supposed imprisoned in her +tower-room. They were talking eagerly together, Mother Lieschen had +tied her kerchief over her head and seemed about to set out for a walk, +for she took from the bench the staff with which she supported her +steps, and held out her hand to the young lady. Then they parted, and, +while the old dame hobbled along the edge of the wood, which was the +shortest way to the village, Fräulein Luise came directly toward me to +return to the castle. + +She did not see me until within the distance of twenty paces, then she +stopped a moment, but without the slightest change of expression. No +one, who did not know what had happened an hour before, could have +suspected it from her face. + +"Good-evening, Herr Johannes," she said in her calmest voice (she had +called me so for some time because the "Candidate" seemed too formal, +and she thought the name of Weissbrod ugly), "I am glad to see you. I +have a favor to ask." + +I bowed silently. My heart was too full not to pour forth all its +feelings if a single word overflowed, which I did not think seemly. + +"Our old pastor will preach again to-morrow," she continued, walking +quietly on by my side. "You might do me a real favor if, after the +close of the service, you would give a beautiful long organ concert in +your very best style, like the first one we heard from you. I have a +reason for making the request, which I can not tell you to-day. Will +you do me this service, dear Herr Johannes?" + +Dear Herr Johannes! It was the first time she ever gave me that title. +No matter how many unutterable things I had cherished in my heart +against her, such an address would have won me to render the hardest +service. + +"How can you doubt it!" I answered quickly. "I understand only too well +that you need the consoling power of music. Oh, Fräulein Luise, when I +think how it affected me, a mere silent spectator, and how you must +feel--" + +"No," she interrupted, "it is not as you suppose, but no matter; it is +important to me for you to play both very well and very long. I will +thank you for it in advance--" she gave me her hand, but without pausing +in her walk--"and also for every other kindness you have showed me in +your earnest, faithful way. Promise that you will always remain the +same, and never, even in thought, agree with other people's silly +gossip about me." + +I silently pressed her hand. A hundred questions were on my tongue, but +I could not summon courage to ask even one. She, too, sank into a +silence as unbroken as though she had forgotten that she had a +companion. + +So, when we reached the elm avenue, we parted with a brief +good-evening. The Canoness turned toward the farm-buildings, and I went +to my room. + +Fräulein Luise did not appear in the dining-room at tea-time. Cousin +Kasimir had ridden off long before, and a strange, oppressive +atmosphere of irritation brooded over the rest of the party. I had +already heard that the baron had had a long, violent conversation with +the Canoness in her own room, but, contrary to the custom of the house, +whose walls had a thousand ears, nothing was known of its purport. The +baron's eyes were blood-shot and the lid of the left one twitched +nervously. He had invited the steward to tea and talked to him with +forced gayety about agricultural affairs. The old baroness gazed into +her plate with an even more sorrowful and timid expression than usual, +the children frolicked with each other, Fräulein Leopoldine endeavored +to put on an arrogant air, while Achatz chattered to her with boyish +impetuosity. Mademoiselle Suzon alone seemed to be in good humor, and +ate a large quantity of bread and butter, while making tireless efforts +to maintain a conversation with me, which I with equal persistency +continually dropped. + + + * * * * * + + +When I at last went up to my tower-chamber and saw Fräulein Luise's +well-shaped, though not unusually small, shoes standing outside of her +room, I was obliged to put the strongest constraint upon myself to +avoid knocking at the door and begging the alms of a few soothing +words. It would have been very indecorous and worse--utterly useless. +So, with a sigh, I renounced the wish, and resolved to speak to her so +touchingly through my church-music on the morrow that the closed door +must at last open of its own accord. + +I had never passed so sleepless a night, and on the next morning felt +so wearied that I feared the keys of the organ would refuse to obey me. +But the old pastor's sermon strengthened me wonderfully, and his words +fell like, soothing oil upon the burning wounds in my heart. Now, I +thought, she is sitting beneath you with her old friend, the comfort of +God's word is coming to her also, and the balm of music must do what +more is needed to make her soul bright and joyous again. + +I began to play the best melodies I knew, and I believe that never in +my life have I had a higher and more sacred musical inspiration. So +completely did I forget myself in it, that I started in alarm when the +schoolmaster at last touched me lightly on the shoulder, and whispered +that I had been playing a full hour, and, exquisite as was the +performance, the dignitaries below were showing signs of impatience, +and the congregation wanted to go home. + +As if roused from some dream of Paradise, I broke off with a brief +passage and hurried down the stairs. My eyes searched the ranks of +church-goers thronging out of the edifice. I saw Mother Lieschen, but +she was standing quite alone in her dark corner, and I could nowhere +find the face I sought. + +Perhaps she had shunned the gloomy church and preferred to remain +outside in the graveyard, now fragrant with monthly roses and +mignonette, hearing my music through the half-open door. At any rate I +should see her at dinner. + +When we assembled in the dining-room and she was even later than usual, +I heard the baron say, turning to his wife: "She grows worse and worse +every day; this irregularity must be stopped--" and my heart beat so +violently that it seemed as though it would leap into my mouth. I asked +Uncle Joachim, under my breath, how the young lady was, and whether she +would not come to dinner. He shrugged his shoulders without moving a +muscle, yet I saw that even his appetite had deserted him. + +Just as the roast was served, and the baron was preparing to carve it, +one of the footmen handed him a note on a silver salver. It had just +been left by old Mother Lieschen. + +The knife and fork dropped from his hands, he hastily seized the +missive, glanced rapidly over it, and I saw him turn pale as he read. +Then with an effort he controlled himself and rose. + +"Harness the horses into the hunting-carriage," he shouted, "and saddle +the chestnut instantly! Ha! This was all that was lacking! This caps +the climax. But the lunatic shall learn with whom she has to deal! Dead +or alive--even if Satan himself, to whom she has sold her soul, tried +to protect her from me--she shall not drag the name she bears through +the mire; she shall--" + +He could say no more--it seemed as if some convulsion in the chest +choked his utterance, and, with a terrible groan, he sank back into his +chair. + +The children started up; Mademoiselle Suzon hastily dipped her +handkerchief into a glass of water to sprinkle the nobleman's brow; the +old baroness rose as fast as her feeble limbs would permit, and in +mortal terror approached her husband to feel his hands and head. The +servants hurried out to execute his orders. + +Just at this moment a voice was heard which never before had spoken in +loud tones in that hall. + +Uncle Joachim had risen, but remained standing at his place. His face +wore a sorrowful, yet bold and threatening expression. + +"Brother Achatz," he said, "I must beg you to moderate your words and +undertake nothing that will make the matter worse, and which you would +perhaps afterward repent. Do not forget that Luise is of age and +mistress of her own actions. I regret what she has done as much as you +do. But what has happened can not be altered." + +The baron started up as if he had been stung by a serpent, angrily +shaking off all the hands outstretched to help him. Wrath at the +interference of his brother, who had hitherto had only a seat and no +voice at this table, seemed to have suddenly restored all his haughty +strength. + +"You have the effrontery to still plead for her?" he shouted with +flashing eyes. "You even knew her intention, and not only concealed it +but helped her forget all modesty and honor and go out into the wide +world like a wanton?" + +"I forbid any imputations upon my honor, Achatz!" replied the other, +meeting his brother's wrathful glance with cold contempt. "I have not +seen Luise since yesterday noon. Just before dinner to-day I received a +farewell letter from her, in which she informs me that she can no +longer endure to live in this house, and will seek her happiness at her +own peril. The other reasons she adds in justification of her step +concern no one save myself." + +"Then she did not tell you that she has determined to follow a certain +Herr Spielberg, a strolling actor, and, if he will graciously consent, +to become his wife? The wife of an adventurer who pursues a godless +calling, and whom I ought to have had hunted out of the court-yard by +the dogs, instead of giving him any hearing at all!" + +"She told me that also, Brother Achatz, and it sincerely grieves me; +for, though I believe this gentleman to be a reputable artist, I doubt +whether she will ever become at home and happy in this sphere. But from +what we know of her she will carry out her purpose, and if you should +now institute a pursuit it will only cause a tremendous scandal and +gain nothing; the family honor will be far more sullied than if we keep +quiet and let the grass grow over the affair. That matters have gone so +far, Brother Achatz, some one else will have to answer for at the Day +of Judgment." + +The two men measured each other with a look of most unfraternal hatred. +The old baroness gazed up at her husband with a pleading quiver of her +withered lips, whose words were not audible to me. But he hastily shook +himself free, as she laid a hand on his arm, and advanced a step toward +his brother. + +"Do you mean to say," he asked, grinding his teeth, "that I am to blame +because this mangy sheep has strayed from our fold and is devoured by +the wolf? True, she has always rebelled against the strict rule of +obedience, against both human and divine law. But, if any one in this +house has helped to strengthen her in her obstinacy and arrogance, it +is you, you, and no one else. Can you deny it?" + +"I am not disposed to allow myself to be examined like a criminal," +replied Joachim with sarcastic coolness. "If I were malicious, I would +let you say the most senseless things in your helpless rage. But, as we +bear the same name and I pity your blindness, Brother Achatz, and +moreover we are not alone, so that I might tell you my whole opinion to +your face, I will simply warn you. If you use violence and drag the +matter before the courts, you may hear things far more damaging to the +honor of our family than the news that the Canoness Luise has followed +a strolling actor and made an unequal marriage by wedding him. I have +nothing more to say. May the meal do you all good!" + +He bowed to his sister-in-law, walked quietly to the antlers on which +he had hung his hat, and left the room. + +His last words had a magical effect upon the baron, who bowed his head +on his breast and stood for a time as if lost in thought. Not until the +servant entered and announced that the carriage was ready and the horse +saddled did he rouse himself, and, with an imperious gesture that +indicated they were no longer wanted, he walked without a glance at any +one, with slow, heavy steps, to his room. + +The roast meat, which meantime had grown cold, was left untouched on +the table. The mistress of the house, after remaining for a time lost +in sorrowful thought, followed her husband; the children, completely +puzzled, had withdrawn into a window-niche. When the Frenchwoman, with +a disagreeable smile intended to be amiable, addressed a remark to me +containing the words _horreur_ and _déplorable_, I made a very +uncourteous gesture, as though brushing off a buzzing hornet, and +hurried into the park after Uncle Joachim. + + + * * * * * + + +I found him where I sought him, but his surroundings looked very +different from usual on the cozy Sunday afternoons. + +Nothing was in order in the room, which had never seemed to me so +shabby and unhomelike; the fly-specks had not been washed from the +glass over the engravings, and the coffee-service was not on the table. +Diana was lying in the middle of the unmade bed, and only lifted her +head from her fore-paws to yawn at me. Her master, who usually dressed +himself very carefully for this coffee-hour, was pacing up and down +with folded arms, in his shirtsleeves, and slippers down at the heel, +smoking his short pipe as fiercely as if he meant, in defiance of the +sunshine streaming through the little window, to intrench himself +behind an impenetrable cloud. + +"Pardon me if I disturb you," I said, as he stopped and glared angrily +at me as though I were a total stranger; "but I can not bear to stay +alone with my own thoughts among people who either make scornful +comments on the misfortune in private or openly exult over it. And +altogether--I can't yet believe it. Tell me honestly, Herr Baron; do +_you_ believe it? Do _you_ understand it?" + +"Nonsense!" he growled. "Believe what? 'Long hair and short +wits'--that's all we need know to marvel at nothing one of _that_ sex +does, even if she were the best of them all. Have you come, too, to +fill my ears with lamentations? I have enough to do to swallow my own +bile." + +He began to puff out the smoke again, and resumed his walk as if he had +said enough to induce me to beat a discreet retreat. + +But I did not stir. + +"Oh, Herr Baron, don't send me away without any comfort, any +explanation. You know more about the matter than any other person; you +said you had known this--this Herr Spielberg. Do you really believe +that she has followed him, that--that she has not merely suggested the +horrible idea of becoming his wife as a threat, an alarm-shot, but will +seriously persist in it?" + +Again he stopped, then with grim earnestness said: "Do you not yet know +her well enough to be aware that she never jests about serious matters, +and that, when she has once made up her mind, a legion of angels or +fiends could not divert her from her purpose. I've seen it coming a +long time, not exactly this, for no sensible person could imagine such +a folly, but some dangerous escapade, merely to escape from this +oppressive, poisonous atmosphere into the free air, and, had it not +been for her aunt, the martyr, who must now endure to the end, she +would have gone away as soon as she became of age, at least to her +chapter, where, it is true, she would have found all sorts of hypocrisy +that did not suit her, but at any rate she could have planned her life +according to her own inclination. She only remained for the sake of her +aunt, and to be able to occasionally lay a bunch of flowers beside the +old baroness's plate. Now that scoundrel Kasimir has severed with his +riding-whip the tie that bound her here, as if it were a cobweb, she +has dropped everything as if she were called upon to answer for the +honor of the whole family, and questioned only the bewildered heart and +obstinate conscience which persuaded her that this folly was a noble +sacrifice. I could tear my hair out by the roots because I was not +present, and heard nothing about the matter until early this morning, +when Liborius told me that so and so had occurred yesterday, and that +he saw the young lady set off gayly on her walk at dawn this morning +but thought nothing of it. She appeared just the same as she usually +did when walking, and he would never have dreamed of her committing so +extraordinary an act. But _I_ should have noticed something and opposed +it with might and main. _Nom d'un nom!_"--this was the French oath he +used when excessively angry--"I believe, if I could not have conquered +her obstinacy, I would have gone with her and twisted the neck of the +man into whose arms she wanted to throw herself, ere I would have +allowed him to rob me of my darling and drag her into misery." + +He again smoked furiously. Diana sprang howling from the bed and ran up +to him, but was banished into a corner by a kick. + +"But how can you explain her taking refuge with this stranger, +confiding to him her person, her honor, her whole life, merely because +he was treated here in her presence as a vagabond? So proud as she +always was, so pure, and so well aware of what she ought and must do in +order not to blush for herself?" + +Uncle Joachim gave me a side-glance from his half-shut eyes. "Herr +Weissbrod," he said, "you are an honest fellow, and you revered my +niece as if she were a saint. I can tell you how all this agrees. As a +future pastor, you must know what is to be expected of women, the best +of whom are often the most perplexing. You see, three years ago, this +Spiegelberg, or Spielberg, as he now calls himself, had the insolence +to write her a letter, which she did not answer. But a girl like her +does not willingly remain in debt for anything. What she has done now +is the reply to that old letter." + +I stared at him with dilated eyes. + +"Yes," he continued, "what _is_ to be, _will_ be. I thought then the +matter was ended once for all, but the proof of the pudding is in the +eating! That devil of a fellow, with his dove-like eyes, was more +cunning than I. At that time he was living in Berlin, at the same hotel +where I had gone with Luise, a respectable second-rate house in +Mohrenstrasse, for our means did not allow us to go to the Hôtel du +Nord or Meinhardt's. She noticed the black-haired gentleman who sat +opposite to us at the table, and talked so well, and he did not seem a +bad fellow to me either. I inquired who he was. An actor, I was told, +who played at the Royal Theatre. 'We must go there once, uncle,' she +said, 'as a matter of courtesy,' and I was weak enough not to say no. +What could I ever refuse her? Especially with her love for the stage. +So we saw him act, and he did not play his part badly; and, as the +women were crazy over him, he had a great success. I have forgotten the +play, I never had much fancy for the theatre; everything always seemed +to me bombastic and exaggerated, and the most touching passages moved +me less than when my Diana gets a thorn into her paw and whines. But he +seemed to please Luise greatly. So I was obliged to go with her three +or four times, when Herr Constantin Spielberg's name was on the bills. +Well, no great misfortune could have come from that. The worst of it +was that Luise caught fire from the flashing sparks he scattered around +him when he stood on the stage in his romantic costumes and assumed the +most melting tones of love. 'Luise,' I said, jestingly, 'you must not +forget that Herr Spielberg did not compose the works of Schiller or +Goethe, but simply acts them. Still, he did not need to declame; when +he was merely sitting at the hotel table, talking about the weather, +she listened as though he was expounding the gospel. And there was +something in his voice that might well turn a young girl's head--she +was twenty-one, but she had never been in love--and even when he was +not behind the footlights he could look as honest and innocent as a +pastor's son or you yourself, Sir Tutor. + +"Besides, everybody in the hotel liked him, and no one had anything to +say against him. It was reported that he supported an old blind mother, +etc. But, knowing Luise as I did, the longer this state of things +lasted the less I was pleased, and I gently began to speak of +departure, of course without making any allusion to my own private +reason. Well, to cut the story short, one morning my niece came +to me with a letter in her hand: 'Just think, uncle, what I have +received'--and gave it to me to read. We had no secrets from each +other. It was a declaration of love from our opposite neighbor in due +form--that is, in the Schiller and Goethe style, only not in verse, +closing with a simple honorable offer of marriage. _Nom d'un nom!_ This +was too much for me. I allowed her the choice whether I should give the +bold fellow a verbal answer, such as his insolence deserved, or we +should set off _stante pede_, without bidding him farewell. + +"After some consideration she decided in favor of the latter. But when +we were on our way she said, 'Uncle, I was too hasty. He will always +think me an arrogant fool. I ought to have answered him myself.' 'And +what would you have said?' 'That I felt honored by his proposal, but +was under the guardianship of my uncle, who would never consent to this +alliance.' 'The deuce!' I cried; 'that would have been almost the same +thing as a declaration of love.' 'What then?' she asked, quietly. 'Is +there anything degrading in loving a noble man, merely because he +belongs to a class against which people in our circle are unjustly +prejudiced?' 'Well, this beats the Old Nick!' I thought, but did not +say one word, for I knew that fire is only fanned by blowing upon it, +and thought, 'It will die away into ashes when it has no food.' Now you +see what a confoundedly clever prophet I was." + +During Uncle Joachim's story, I had sat in the chair Fräulein Luise +usually occupied, and patiently endured everything like a person who is +crossing the fields in a pouring rain without an umbrella, and feels +that he is drenched to the skin and can be no worse off. Every spark of +hope had vanished; I knew that she would never turn back from the path +she had entered; and, even if it were possible, she would be too proud +to desire to do so. But man is so constituted that, though I foresaw +all the misery of the future, for I did not trust the handsome face of +the man to whom she had fled, and I knew by this step she had forfeited +her right to be received into her chapter in case of need, in short, +though I saw nothing in prospect for her save trouble and grief--the +bitterest thing of all to me was to find my own dreams and wishes, +which hitherto I had never acknowledged to myself, shattered at one +blow. The most frantic jealousy of the happy man, who had won the bride +forever unattainable to me, burned in my miserable soul, now suddenly +bankrupt; and, when it flashed upon my mind that I had even been her +accomplice by deferring the discovery of her flight as long as possible +through my organ-music, I felt so utterly wretched that I suddenly +burst into Boyish sobbing, in which offended vanity, wounded love, and +grief for the uncertain fate of the woman so dear to me, bore an equal +share. + +Just at that moment I felt Uncle Joachim's hand press heavily on my +shoulder. + +"Hold up your head and don't flinch, my friend," he said, in a voice +that was by no means firm. "We can't change the matter now, so we must +let it go. But we must always repeat to ourselves one thing: whatever +folly a woman like her may commit, she will not allow herself to +succumb to it. She may lose the right scent once, like Diana, but +she'll find it again--I feel no anxiety on that score. The only people +who will surfer and can get no amends are ourselves--or rather, I mean, +my own insignificant self. You are a young man, still have life before +you, and--which I can't say of myself--are a devout Christian. But an +old fellow like me, who is robbed of his only plaything--deuce take it! +It will be a dog's life!" + +He had put on his coat and now whistled to Diana. "Excuse me, Herr +Candidate, I have some business to attend to. Stay quietly here till +your eyes are dry. I'm disgusted with the old barrack, since we can +expect no more pound-cake here." + +He went out, carrying his gun upside down and followed by Diana, whose +ears drooped mournfully, as if she shared her master's mood. + + + + + II. + + +There is not much to be said of the period which now ensued. Outwardly +everything went on as usual. The void made by the flight of the +insubordinate member of the family seemed to be felt by no one except +myself and the silent Uncle Joachim; at least, her name was never +mentioned. True, pauses in the conversation at table were more +frequent, and were usually broken--not always with much taste--by a +remark from my little pupil. There had been no gayety before in this +strangely constituted circle, and I don't remember ever having heard a +really hearty laugh. But, since the event, the master of the house +seemed to desire to keep his family under still more rigid spiritual +control. The blessing invoked upon the food often extended into a short +homily, and on Sunday afternoons he held services of his own, by the +aid of some Lutheran tracts, from which he extracted so confused a +theology that I was often compelled to exercise great self-control in +order not to give the rein to my old love for debate. On such occasions +he indulged in rancorous allusions to stray sheep and lost souls, spite +of the presence of the servants, who nudged one another, and afterward +let their tongues wag freely in the servants' hall. + +I wished myself a hundred miles away, for it seemed to me as if the +veil, which hitherto had only allowed me to see the vague outlines of +persons and things in the household, was suddenly torn away, and I +experienced a sense of almost physical discomfort, which increased with +every passing week. + +The most puzzling thing was that, spite of the promise I had given my +worshiped idol at our last meeting, I had become suspicious even of +her. When I imagined her in the society of the strange actor, my hand +involuntarily clinched, and I was strongly inclined to pronounce the +whole female sex, which had seemed to me so supernatural and adorable +in this individual, nothing better than the body-guard of the enemy of +mankind. + +I was by no means reconciled to her, but on the contrary still more +deeply wounded, when, a fortnight after her disappearance, I received +the printed announcement of her marriage to Herr Konstantin Spielberg, +theatrical manager. I had still cherished a secret hope that she would +repent the false step into which her exaggerated sense of justice had +led her, and withdraw from the turbid, bottomless swamp she had +entered, pure as a swan that needs only to shake its wings to cast off +everything that could besmirch it. + +True, with my knowledge of her, I ought not to have been surprised that +she should take upon herself all the consequences of her hasty step, +yet it roused a feeling of such intense bitterness that it made me +fairly ill, and for twenty-four hours I would see no one, as if the +sight of any human face must awaken a sense of shame. + +I knew that she had written long letters to her aunt and Uncle Joachim, +letters in which she had probably attempted to justify her conduct. But +I did not venture to make any inquiries about them. More than once, +when I met her beloved uncle, my tongue was on the point of asking the +question what threat he had used to deter his brother from pursuing the +fugitive. I vaguely suspected that I should learn things in her favor. +But, as the old gentleman did not commence the subject, I was forced to +say to myself that, little friendship as he felt for his brother, he +probably considered it unseemly to afford a stranger a glimpse of the +circumstances that did no honor to the name they both bore. + +Not until long after did I obtain a clear understanding of the matter. + +Even from the poor, timid baroness, I could obtain no information, +though, since the loss of her affectionate young confidante, she +had shown me even greater kindness than before. Nay, since I had +offered to supply Fräulein Luise's place at the evening games of +cards, I was regularly assured of her friendly feeling by a warm clasp +from her little wrinkled hand on my arrival and departure. Very soon +she bestowed upon me another office which her niece had formerly +filled--that of her High Almoner. I now perceived, with reverent +emotion, how from her invalid chair she was the guardian angel of all +the poor and wretched in the village; and the wan little face, with its +bony nose and low forehead, really gained a gleam of youthful grace +when I informed her of the recovery of some sick person, or the +gratitude of a poor woman to whom her help in some desperate strait had +restored the courage to live. + +Besides the quiet satisfaction I felt in my own modest share in these +deeds of charity, I had one great pleasure--my little pupil was +becoming more and more fond of me. Through all his ungovernableness he +had retained a dim consciousness of right and wrong, and when he +perceived the patient love I gave him he felt the obligation not to be +indebted to me, and therefore vented his instinctive rudenesses on +others. His progress in study continued to be extremely slow. But he +disarmed my displeasure by a frank confession of his faults and +laziness, and the entreaty that I would not attribute to ill-will what +was a part of his nature. + +I hoped to gradually obtain an influence over this perverse +disposition, but I was not allowed time to do so. With this fact there +was a strange story connected. + + + * * * * * + + +The day after the flight of the Canoness, as Fräulein Leopoldine needed +a companion, Mademoiselle Suzon had moved into the vacant tower-room +below me. From this time, also, the Frenchwoman was present at the +history lessons, during which she made herself very troublesome by +asking foolish questions and coquettishly endeavoring to turn the +tiresome teaching into empty conversation. But I said nothing about it, +knowing that a complaint to the baron would have been futile. + +Neither did I trouble myself about the extraordinary marks of favor +with which the cunning creature began to annoy me. + +One of the least of these was, that I rarely returned home from a walk +without finding in my room a bouquet of flowers or a few choice fruits, +filched from the garden or the green-house. Even at table she did not +restrain herself in the least from making all sorts of advances to me, +praising my lessons, repeating admirable remarks of which I had no +recollection, and keeping up a fusillade of glances, which greatly +incensed me, because it seemed to show distinctly that we were on the +best possible terms with each other. In my innocence, I was mainly +disturbed lest it should place me in a false light before the eyes of +my employer and his wife. To Uncle Joachim I had made no secret of my +dislike. The baroness's confidence in my honor and virtue, however, +seemed immovable, and the baron appeared to be merely amused by this +shadow of flirtation between his awkward tutor and the family friend, +without seeing any cause for suspicion in it. + +The affair pursued its course in this way for several weeks. Sometimes, +from the open window beneath mine, I heard, instead of the dear +"Orpheus" melody, most unmusical sighs and incoherent French verses, +declaimed to moon and stars, but whose real object I knew only too +well. Then I shut my own casement with an intentionally loud slam, and +preferred to dispense with the delicious coolness of the autumn night +rather than seem to listen to the tender soliloquies of this detestable +hypocrite. + +She perceived that she made no progress in this way, and resolved to +risk a bold stroke. + +It had already happened several times--accidentally, as I, unsuspicious +novice, supposed--that, when going up to my room, I passed the +Fräulein's door just at the moment she was putting her shoes outside. I +had then forced myself to exchange a few courteous words with her, but +escaped her efforts to carry on a more familiar conversation in the +dimly-lighted corridor as quickly as possible by a hasty "_Bonne nuit, +mademoiselle!_" + +How different would have been my demeanor if my former neighbor in the +tower, whose shoes and speech were both less ornate, had met me here +even once to say good-night! + +One evening my game with the old lady had been unusually prolonged. +Mademoiselle Suzon, after her victory at chess over the baron, and +obligatory courtesy to the baroness, had glided out of the room; the +master of the house, making no concealment of his impatience, paced up +and down the spacious apartment, frowning angrily; the servants +occasionally glanced sleepily through the glass doors, to see if it +were not bed-time. At last we finished, and I could take leave of my +employers. My old patroness pressed my hand with a friendly glance, the +baron nodded silently, but, as it seemed to me, with a sarcastic smile. +I took the candle from the servant who was waiting outside, and, in a +mood of dull ill-temper which was now almost always dominant, mounted +the stairs to my lofty lodging. + +I thought the delay would at least insure safety from my tormentor. But +as, walking on tip-toe, I reached the story where her room was +situated, the door gently opened, and an arm in a white night-dress +noiselessly placed the well-known pair of dainty shoes on the floor. + +I stopped, holding my breath and shading the candle with my hand. But, +as the door showed no sign of closing, I resolved to rush straight on +and pretend to be deaf and blind. + +But I had reckoned without my host. The door was suddenly thrown wide +open, and the French spook, in a most bewitching _négligée_ costume, +stood directly before me. + +"_Bonsoir, Monsieur le Candidat!_" I heard her whisper, and then +followed a long, half tender, half reproachful speech in her +Franco-German jargon, of which I only understood that she was angry +with me--yes, seriously offended, because I so openly shunned her. She +could bear it no longer, and desired at last to know what grudge I had +against her, why I treated her like an enemy. She knew, of course, that +she could bear no comparison with Fräulein Luise, to whom I had been so +completely devoted. She was only a simple French girl, and had no other +_qualités_ than her good heart and her virtue. But, since I was such a +chivalrous young man, and treated everybody else so kindly and +politely, she must suppose that she had given me some special offense; +and, if this were the case, she would gladly apologize for her fault if +she could thereby put an end to the icy coldness with which I treated +her. + +As she spoke, the wretch gazed at me with such an humble, childlike +expression in her crafty black eyes, that I, poor simpleton, completely +lost countenance. + +I stammered a few French phrases--I should have found it more difficult +to lie in German--assured her of my profound _estime_, and that she had +made a deplorable _erreur_, and, with a low bow, was hurrying away, +when I felt the arm that carried the candle seized in a firm clasp. + +"I thank you for those noble words," said the smooth serpent, fixing +her glittering eyes so intently on my face that I could not help +lowering my own like a detected criminal. + +"If you knew, _Monsieur Jean_, how happy your _sympathie_, your cordial +warmth makes me! Ah, _mon ami_, I am not what I perhaps seem to you, a +superficial, selfish creature, who avails herself of her position in +this house to gain some advantage. If you knew how this dependence, +this forbearance humiliates me! My youth was so brilliant, so happy! If +any one had told me then that I should ever enter a foreign German +household--" + +And she now began to relate to me in French, with incredible fluency, +the romance of her life, not more than half of which could I +understand. But as, spite of my inexperience, I retained a sufficient +degree of calmness to believe that even this half contained far more +fiction than fact, I at last, relapsing into my former incivility, +showed evident signs of impatience, and was just in the act of gently +shaking off the hand that still held my arm, when her eyes filled with +tears as she talked of her worshiped mother, and that honorable man, +her father. + +"You are exciting yourself too much, mademoiselle," I said. "It is +late--you must go to rest--to-morrow, if you wish--" + +Meantime I glanced into her room, which looked very untidy. The bed was +already opened, and on the little night-table stood a candle which +illumined the picture of the Madonna on the wall and a small black +crucifix beneath it. + +"Oh, _mon ami_!" she sobbed, pressing my arm as if she needed +some support in her grief, "_si vous saviez! Mon c[oe]ur est si +sensible--tous les malheurs de ma vie_--" and then came a fresh torrent +of revelations of her most private affairs, till terror brought cold +drops of perspiration to my forehead and, in my helplessness, I could +finally think of no other expedient than to whisper: "Calm yourself, +Mademoiselle Suzon! Somebody is coming--if we should be found here--!" + +Her features suddenly changed their expression, she half closed her +eyes, as if fainting, and murmuring with a gesture of horror: "Mon +Dieu--je suis perdue!" tottered backward and would have fallen, had I +not sprung forward and caught her with my free arm. + +Instantly I felt her throw her arm over my shoulder, clinging to me as +if unconscious, and while we stood in this attitude and undoubtedly +formed a very striking group, which I myself lighted effectively with +the candle I held aloft, hasty footsteps, which I had only pretended to +hear, actually did come up the staircase, and at the end of the +corridor appeared the tall figure of one of the footmen, who served as +the baron's valet. + +I was wild with rage and shame at having allowed myself to be caught in +this suspicious position, and the thought darted like lightning through +my brain that the whole scene had been merely a prearranged farce, to +which in my good-natured simplicity I had fallen a victim! The fellow's +manner strengthened this belief, as he grinned at me with insolent +cunning. Besides, he had no reason to come here at this hour. + +Yet I retained sufficient composure to say quietly: "Mademoiselle has +been taken ill. Wake the housekeeper, Christoph, and see that she is +put to bed. I wish her a speedy recovery." + +With these words I unceremoniously laid her on the floor, and walked +off as calmly as if entirely indifferent to what was happening behind +my back. + +Yet every one will understand that I could not fall asleep very quickly +that night. Again and again I called myself an ass for having entered +this clumsy trap, and for the first time in my life learned that a good +conscience is not always a soft pillow. True, when I asked myself how a +trained man of the world would have acted in this situation, I could +find no reply. But my contempt for the female sex increased that night +to such a degree, and gained so large an access of dread and horror, +that for the first time I envied the anchorites who, to escape from the +sight of these fiends, retreated to some wilderness, where if any +appeared to them and might perchance lure to sin, though they did not +come straight from Hades, at least the hermits could not be surprised +by inquisitive lackeys. + + + * * * * * + + +The next morning, just after I had risen with so disagreeable a tang on +my tongue from the scene of the previous night that I could not make up +my mind to touch any breakfast, I suddenly heard a heavy step in the +corridor outside, which I recognized with terror as the baron's. + +I did not doubt for an instant that the hour of judgment had struck, +and the whole affair had been planned to obtain a sufficient excuse for +my dismissal--I was perfectly aware how little I had concealed my +feelings toward the outlawed member of the family, the lost soul of +this household. After the first shock of surprise, I really felt glad +that the climax had been reached without any volition of mine, and +armed myself with all the pride and defiance of a pure conscience. + +What was my amazement when my employer, after knocking courteously, +entered my room with his most cordial smile, which I had not seen for a +long time, and sat down on my hard sofa with the utmost affability. + +He began by requesting me to give my pupil a holiday, as the family +intended to drive to a neighboring estate. Then he launched into +praises of the good influences I had exerted over Achatz, and expressed +the hope that I might still long devote myself to his education, even +if the other duties of my office claimed my attention--for the old +pastor could not remain longer; his sermons showed that he was falling +more and more into the childishness of old age. He had determined to +pension him very shortly, even if it were against his wish, and give +the office to me, though I could not move into the parsonage till after +Christmas, as a suitable residence must first be found for the old +couple. + +I was so surprised by this offer--after having prepared myself for the +most furious rage--that I could only thank my kind patron with a few +clumsy words. + +"Oh, my dear Weissbrod," he replied, gazing out of the window with his +handsome bright eyes, like an aristocrat who is accustomed to dispense +favors, "you need not give me any special thanks. I know what I possess +in you, and hope that we shall understand each other better in future. +Of course, I should have wished you to treat me with more frankness, +but I understand and pardon your reticence. You thought me a rigid +judge of the conscience, from whom it would be best to conceal all +human weaknesses. You ought to have believed me a better Christian, one +who is mindful of the words relating to the forgiveness of his erring +brother: 'I say not unto thee, until seven times; but until seventy +times seven.' Besides, youth has no virtue, and a future pastor is not +to blame if he remembers the proverb: 'The pastor when settling for +life wants a wife.'" + +He smiled with patronizing significance, rose, went to my bookcase, +and, while gazing thoughtfully for the tenth time at the names of +Neander and Marheineke on the backs of the volumes, remarked with +apparent calmness: + +"When do you expect to be married?" + +I felt as if I had dropped from the clouds. + +"Herr Baron," I replied, "I am very grateful for your kindness, but I +have never had any idea of entering the estate of matrimony." + +The baron took out a book, turned the leaves, and then said, still in +the same tone of gracious familiarity: + +"That I can easily believe, my dear Weissbrod. Young people do not +always think of the consequences of their acts. But an honest man, and +especially a servant of the gospel, will not hesitate to recognize the +obligations he has undertaken. As I said, I do not reproach you for +having permitted the matter to go so far. But, after the scene of +yesterday evening, which could not remain secret, you will perceive +that it is your duty to protect the honor of the lady you have +compromised, and this can only be done by a speedy marriage." + +He shut the volume and restored it to its place. Then, turning quickly +and gazing at me with an inquisitorial expression, as if I were a +convicted criminal, he smoothed his beard with his white hands. + +But, thanks to the indignation which took possession of me at the +perception of this base farce, I maintained sufficient composure to +look him squarely in the face and answer coldly: + +"I do not know what has been told you, Herr Baron. But, for the sake of +truth, I must declare that it never entered my mind to carry on any +love affair beneath your roof, and that my conscience absolves me from +any obligation." + +I saw that he turned pale, and with difficulty repressed a violent +outburst of rage. At last he said: + +"How you are to justify yourself to your conscience is your own affair. +Mademoiselle has told me, with tears, that yesterday evening you took +advantage of a moment's physical weakness, by which she was attacked, +to embrace her, an act that did not occur without witnesses. I am +disposed to judge such an impulse of gallantry leniently, on account of +your youth and the attractiveness of the lady. But, as she is alone and +defenseless in the world, it is my duty to protect her reputation, and +I therefore give you the choice between proposing for her hand within +twenty-four hours or resigning your position in my house, and with it +all your prospects for the future. You must not make your decision in +your first embarrassment. When we return this evening from our drive, +there must either be a note from you in the young lady's room +containing your proposal, or in mine your request for a vacation, as +family affairs summon you as quickly as possible to Berlin. This +request--unless you should change your mind while away--you must follow +after a time with a petition for your final dismissal. You see that, +even though you have forfeited my esteem, I treat you with Christian +forbearance, but at the same time, as I am a foe to scandal and have +confidence in you, I trust you will avoid any cause of vexation. I will +now leave you to consider your own future, and wish you good-morning." + +He nodded with affable condescension and, without waiting for an +answer, left the room. + +I was scarcely alone ere the repressed indignation that had been +seething within me found vent in a convulsive laugh, and I felt tempted +to rush after my noble patron and loudly inform him, outside the door +of his clever accomplice, that I was not the dull simpleton they +believed me, but saw through their preconcerted man[oe]uver, and was +not at all disposed to let a bridle be thrown over my head. Fortunately +I remembered that I did not possess a particle of proof, and should +only make my cause worse by uncorroborated assertions. So I strove to +calm myself, showed my pupil, who came bounding joyously in to bid me +good-by, a cheerful face, and embraced him, a caress he received with +innocent surprise, not suspecting that I was taking leave of him +forever, and then watched from my window the departure of the family, +which took place with the usual ceremony. In the servants' presence the +baron always treated his wife with chivalrous courtesy, lifted her into +the carriage himself, saw that she had the pillows for her back and the +rug for her feeble knees, and always asked if she was comfortable, and +whether she would not prefer to have the carriage open. + +Mademoiselle Suzon helped him with kittenish suppleness. Spite of the +nocturnal attack of faintness, her usual smile rested on her lips, and +not a single upward glance at me intimated that above her lodged the +robber of her honor, the man on whom depended the weal or woe of her +future life. + + + * * * * * + + +As soon as the carriage had disappeared in the elm-avenue, I prepared +to pack my effects, except my books, which I could not take with me +without revealing my determination never to return. I do not know what +impulse of prudence induced me to enter into the cunning farce my +shrewd employer had marked out for me. Perhaps it was consideration for +the kind mistress of the house or for my little pupil. The others +certainly had not deserved to have me conceal the truth. After locking +my trunk, I sat down and wrote the note to the baron, which was +disagreeable enough for me. With great difficulty I resisted the +temptation to inform him, on another sheet, that his hypocritical words +had not blinded me in the least to the real motive of his conduct. But +I deemed it more dignified to leave him to his own conscience, and, if +the matter was as I firmly believed, he would be sufficiently punished. + +Several other farewells were before me--my worthy pastor, old Mother +Lieschen, with whom since the Canoness's departure I had chatted a +short time on many evenings, and finally my honored patron, Uncle +Joachim. I made the leave-taking with the first two as brief as +possible. I felt reluctant to use deception toward the good old pastor, +and yet I could not tell him the whole truth. But, spite of his eighty +years, his eyes were still keen enough to perceive the real state of +affairs, so that a shake of the hand was sufficient to make us +understand each other. + +Mother Lieschen was not in her hut. I could only leave a farewell +message, in which I wrapped a small gift of money. Uncle Joachim I +found in the fields, where he was overlooking the laborers in place of +the steward, who was ill. + +I thought it needless to maintain any secrecy toward him. He listened +quietly, and his sharp, expressive features showed no signs of +surprise. + +"I have seen it coming," he said at last, sending forth vehement puffs +of smoke from his short pipe. "The farce is excellent, though no longer +perfectly new; such things have frequently occurred before, though the +exit is usually different. Well, I'm not anxious about you, Sir Tutor, +and I shall at least have the advantage of no longer seeing that +intriguing woman's face opposite. Believe me, my dear friend, I, too, +would gladly take to my heels and try to earn my bit of daily bread +elsewhere, even if it should be as head-groom or steward on the estate +of one of my former equals and boon companions. But there is my +sister-in-law, poor thing. Who knows what her pious husband might +do, if the last person in whose presence he is obliged to control +himself should go away? You know the proverb about us natives of the +Mark--that, though we never burned a heretic, we never produced a +saint. Well, if there were a Protestant Pope, he should canonize that +poor martyr for me on the spot." + +Then, after we had shaken hands, he called me back again. + +"You must do me the favor to keep this whole abominable story a secret, +Sir Tutor," he said. "I could not blame you if you blazoned it abroad, +for, after all, you are the one who is injured, and, if we can get no +other satisfaction, to rage and call things by their right names +relieves the bile. Still, remember that the honorable man who has thus +injured you bears the same name as our Luise, to say nothing of myself. +True, the girl has made haste to lay it aside. If you should ever meet +her in the outside world, give her a tender greeting from Uncle +Joachim, and tell her to bestow a sheet of letter-paper on him. Well, +may God be with you, my dear friend! Heads up always, then we see the +sun, moon, and stars, and not the wretched worms that crawl on this +foul earth." + +As he uttered these words, he clasped me affectionately in his arms, +and kissed me on both cheeks. Then, turning abruptly away, he went back +to his work. + +In the afternoon I sat in the self-same butcher's cart in which I had +made the journey to the castle. Krischan maintained a diplomatic +silence, though I could not doubt that, like the other servants, he was +perfectly aware of the nocturnal incident and its unpleasant +consequences. Yet I perceived that the popular voice was not against +me, for several times on the way I was obliged to refuse a drink from +the worthy fellow's bottle. In the village, too, many tokens of a +friendly and respectful disposition fell to my lot. + +Yet, though this time the bays did not have the heavy box of books to +drag through the sand, and my conscience was no weightier burden than +it had been six months before, the drive, spite of the bright October +weather, was a dismal one, and my heart was far from singing hymns as +it had longed to do on the former occasion. + +I could not help constantly reflecting that a few weeks before the one +woman who attracted all my thoughts had passed over this very road to a +future which I could paint only in the blackest hues. + + + * * * * * + + +I can not shake off the fear that in the preceding pages, which +concerned my insignificant self, I may have been too verbose. Should +this really be the case, I may confidently assert that the error is not +due to the garrulity, or even the self-love, of a lonely man, but the +desire of a conscientious biographer to omit nothing that could throw +more light upon the acts of his heroine. + +During the time immediately following her marriage, she disappeared +entirely from the horizon of my own pitiful existence. I will therefore +make my account of the succeeding years until she reappears as brief as +possible. + +My good old aunt in Berlin received me with her former love and +kindness, though somewhat surprised that she must once more shelter in +her little back-room the clerical nephew whom she had expected to +speedily see shining as a brilliant light of the church in the +glittering candlestick of a parish, while he now again seemed to be a +dim little flame with a big "thief" in it. + +True, she did not suspect the real state of the case concerning this +"thief"--the hapless love for a woman who had utterly vanished that was +secretly consuming me. I did not deny it to myself for a moment. I knew +too well that all the joyousness of youth was irretrievably lost to me; +and, as I perceived that the consolations of religion were powerless in +my condition, I fell away more and more from my theological vocation, +and during the first months gave myself up to a very God-forsaken, +brooding idleness. + +I carefully remained aloof from the circle of my former companions. I +felt that the experiences of the past six months had separated me from +them forever. Even in my outward man I had changed so much that two of +my former most intimate friends passed close by me in the street +without recognizing in the tall fellow with closely cropped hair, clad +in a light summer suit and a straw hat, the apostle of yore, with his +long locks parted in the middle, and clerical black coat. + +On receiving my definite request for a dismissal, the baron, closely as +he usually calculated, had sent me six months' extra pay as tutor, +which I did not return, though I could not help regarding the modest +sum as a sort of hush-money. Having been turned out of the house +without any fault of my own, I thought myself entitled to some +compensation. + +This money, which I was not compelled to use for my own support, since +my kind aunt feasted me as though I were the prodigal son, I devoted to +one exclusive purpose, for which probably no theological candidate +waiting for his parish ever used his savings--I went to the theater +every evening. + +True, my longing to hear the great Milder was not fulfilled. I do not +know whether she was dead or had merely retired from the stage. +But I heard other admirable singers, among whom Sophie Löwe and the +fair-haired Fassmann made the deepest impression upon me, and in the +drama I was just in time to admire the famous Seydelmann, and +afterward, perhaps wrongly, rave over Hendrichs, though I never saw the +latter enter without a feeling of aversion, which did not vanish until +he had acted for some time. He reminded me, both in personal appearance +and in many gestures, of another actor, whom I hated from my inmost +soul because I believed that he was to blame for the darkening of the +star of my life. + +But the world represented on the stage, the creations of the authors +themselves, captivated me far more than any individual artist--so +bewitched me, indeed, that I do not remember having opened a +theological work or even visited a church during the year and a half I +spent in the capital. The hypocrisy whose bitter fruits I had tasted +had disgusted me with the delicious wine pressed in the Lord's +vineyard, till, with a sort of defiant rebellion, I fled to the world +of illusion irradiated by the foot-lights. + +No one will marvel that, in this mood, I even essayed my own powers as +a dramatic author. Of course, it was no less a personage than Julian +the Apostate whom, during five acts, I made atone in iambics for having +desired to restore to honor the ancient Pagan gods. I still retained +enough of the theologian to place Venus lower than the mother of the +Saviour. Yet between the lines glimmered so skeptical a view of the +world that this _exercitium_ in ecclesiastical history certainly would +not have been reviewed _cum laude_ at my old college. + +I had just finished the shapeless _opus_, and was considering whether I +should offer it to a "rational artist," like Eduard Devrient, for his +opinion, when a sorrowful event suddenly stopped my dramatic career. + +My loving nurse and supporter fell ill, and at the end of a few days I +was obliged to accompany her to her last resting-place. As she had +lived upon a small annuity, her whole property consisted of old +furniture and a modest wardrobe. I myself had spent all my money except +a few thalers. Therefore, it was necessary to again obtain a firmer +foothold than the boards of the theatre, which could not be my world. + +A few private pupils whom I secured helped me out of my most pressing +need. Meanwhile, I industriously watched the papers for advertisements +for tutors, and almost every week sent to the addresses mentioned a +letter containing copies of my testimonials and references, including +the name of my first employer, but to my grief and anger I invariably +received a refusal. Knowing myself to be so well recommended, it was a +long time ere I could understand these persistent failures, till at +last, one sleepless night, when anxiety about my immediate future +sharpened my wits, I hit upon the most natural solution of the +enigma--my former employer, in reply to inquiries about me, of course +gave the most unfavorable information, thereby refuting his written +testimony, partly to prevent my relating in a new position the true +cause of my dismissal. + +Therefore, when a tutor--who must also be musical--was wanted for two +boys seven and eight years old on a country estate near the frontier of +Pomerania, I quickly formed my resolution, borrowed from an actor, +whose acquaintance I had made, the money to pay my traveling expenses, +and hastened to wait upon my future employer in person. + +I found the position to be everything I could desire. The owner of the +estate was a vigorous, thoroughly aristocratic, that is, noble-minded, +man of middle age, who was deeply interested in agriculture, and had +therefore left the education of his two sons exclusively to his +admirable wife, until they had outgrown her feminine care and teaching. +When I had explained my situation, and told him enough of the cause of +my short stay with the baron to enable the shrewd man to perceive my +innocence, without suspecting the whole truth, we soon agreed that I +should come on trial for a quarter. These three months became three +years, and, as neither found any reason to complain of the other, I +should probably have grown old and gray in this beautiful part of my +native land, had not the strange wandering star of my life suddenly +appeared again in the firmament and lured me into new paths. + +I had entered upon my office of tutor without any thought of ever +moving into the neighboring parsonage. This was partly because I had +become doubtful of my vocation as a preacher, and partly because I did +not grudge the excellent man who now filled the place the longest +possible life, which indeed he needed in order to leave his six young +daughters--who had early lost their mother--alone in this dreary world +without anxiety. + +The oldest, Marie, was just sixteen when I entered upon my duties in +the family of Herr von N----. Never have I known a more exemplary girl +than this pure and lovely young creature, who, spite of her extreme +youth, took the whole burden of the housekeeping and the education of +her younger sisters on her slender shoulders, without even seeming to +feel its weight. Her violet eyes and waving light-brown locks gave her +a claim to beauty, especially when she smiled and her teeth glittered +bewitchingly between her pouting lips. Had I not been afflicted with so +obstinate a heart, I should undoubtedly have lost it to this charming +child of God, and now be settled as a worthy pastor and father of a +family in some village in the Mark. But my thoughts, spite of my utter +hopelessness, clung so steadfastly to one image that for a long time I +went in and out of the worthy pastor's house, and ate many a piece of +cake Marie had baked, without seeing the merry little housekeeper in +any other light than as the well-educated daughter of a man to whom I +became more and more indebted for my own development. + +For, while a country pastor who enters his pulpit every Sunday for +twenty years usually lets his spiritual armor grow tolerably rusty with +the flight of time, this admirable man, in his quiet gable-room, had +taken the most eager interest in all the struggles which in those days +agitated the theological world, had entered deeply into the historical +investigations of the Tübingen School, and instantly fanned to a bright +blaze the scientific interest which, during my rage for the theater in +Berlin, had become completely extinguished--a blaze, it is true, that +consumed to a sorry little heap the last scraps of orthodoxy with which +I had covered my nakedness. + +This is not the place to enter more fully into this spiritual question +now struggling in the pangs of its birth. Only I must say that I looked +up with actual reverence to this man who, from the depths of his warm, +thoroughly evangelical nature, drew the strength--spite of casting +aside the dogmatic traditions, whose foundations had been shaken in his +soul--to beneficently fulfill his duties as pastor and proclaim the +Word, without being faithless to its spirit. + +I was not granted this gift, rooted in the purest philanthropy, and +therefore capable of helping each individual to salvation in his own +way. I was exclusively occupied with my own redemption, and, as I had +entirely relinquished the idea of a parish, and for the present gave +myself no anxiety about any other profession, I spent these three +years, so far as my secret yearnings for my lost love permitted, very +happily, and daily passed several hours with my teacher and friend, who +treated me like a younger brother, and let me share without reserve +everything that occupied his mind. + +It was inevitable that I should be on the most familiar terms with his +children also. From the first I had placed myself on a footing of merry +banter, and asked the little girls to call me Uncle Hans. Marie +persisted in addressing me as Herr Johannes. Yet an innocent +familiarity, like that of blood relations, existed between us, and +seemed to continue undisturbed when the child had matured into a +maiden, and the eyes of the girl of nineteen gazed into the world with +a dreamy earnestness that would have given a person better versed than +I in reading the human heart much food for thought. + +I noticed that she had lost some of her former vivacity, but was so +unsuspicious that I jested with her about it, and drew no inference +from her silence and blushes. True, the idea occurred to me that the +young bird was fledged and longed to quit the overcrowded nest. But, as +I knew with whom she associated, and that none of my employer's guests, +who sometimes visited her father, had made the slightest impression +upon her, I ascribed her changed demeanor to some anxiety of +conscience--she often rummaged among her father's books--rather than +any affair of the heart. + +That I myself might be the cause never entered my dreams. All vanity +had been shorn away with my beautiful fair locks, for with cropped hair +I seemed to myself anything but attractive, and, since I had been +obliged to atone for the bold hope of making an impression on the heart +of the sole object of my adoration, by the keen disappointment of her +marriage, I did not consider myself created to be dangerous to any +woman. + +So, one morning, when I had vainly sought my pastor in his study to +return him a volume by David Friedrich Strauss, and on entering the +little garden saw Marie sitting on a bench, holding in her lap a dish +of green beans which she was preparing for the kitchen, I greeted her +with a jest, though I noticed her tearful eyes, and asked if I could +sit beside her a moment. + +She nodded silently, and moved to make room for me. I commenced an +indifferent conversation, but secretly resolved to question her, like a +true uncle, about the cause of her melancholy. Her only friend, the +daughter of a neighboring pastor, had just become engaged to a young +agriculturist. I began with that, and asked if there was genuine love +on the part of the girl, to whom I also had become attached. Marie, +without looking up from her work, replied that this was a matter of +course. How could people stand before the altar, and form the sacred +tie, if there was no real love? Why, I answered, many a girl hopes that +love will come after marriage, and only weds for the sake of having a +home of her own, a husband, and children. True, I did not believe Marie +capable of such conduct. She would never put this little hand--and as I +spoke I patted the delicate little fingers resting on the beans--into +that of a man whom she did not love with her whole heart. + +Again I felt a violent tremor run through her slender figure; she made +a visible effort to calm herself, but suddenly let the dish fall from +her lap, tears streamed from her eyes, and, stammering almost +inaudibly, "Excuse me, I don't feel well!" she rushed into the house as +if flying from Satan himself. + +I remained sitting on the bench as if a thunderbolt had struck me. It +was long ere I could calm myself sufficiently to pick up the dish and +carefully collect the scattered green pods. + +What would I have given to be able, with a clear conscience, to follow +the dear child, take her little cold hands in mine, and utter words +which would have had the power to dry her tears. + +But, deeply as my heart glowed with tender sympathy for this youthful +sorrow, I did not doubt an instant that I should be doing her a far +heavier wrong if I tried to console her without the "real love" than if +I left her uncomforted. + +At last, after vainly waiting in the hope that she would come back and +turn the affair into a jest, I rose in great perplexity and went +thoughtfully back to my employer's house, here also called the +"castle," though it had no feudal aspect. + +As soon as I was alone in my little room--my pupils were waiting for +their lessons in the school-room--I went to the mirror and carefully +scrutinized my face. Even now I could find in it nothing that seemed +calculated to disturb the peace of a young girl's heart. The +conversations with the dear child, which I could remember also +contained nothing captivating, and, as I had again and again said that +I should probably remain a bachelor all my life, I could not help +acquitting myself of all blame in the sweet girl's unfortunate passion. + +Yet the sudden discovery so agitated me that I felt unable to give my +Latin lesson. I dictated a written exercise to the lads, and, while +they were at work upon it, sat down by the window with the last +newspaper, which had just been brought in, not to read, but to have +some pretext for pursuing my idle and fruitless thoughts. + +But, as my eyes wandered absently over the columns of the paper, they +were abruptly arrested by a name which glared in large letters amid the +small type of the advertisement. + +_Konstantin Spielberg_. + +How long a time had passed since I had either heard or read that name! +In Berlin, where ever and anon--always blushing as if I were betraying +my secret--I had inquired about this object of my silent hate, no one +seemed to know whether he was alive or dead. He appeared to have won no +special repute as an artist, and, since his withdrawal to the +provinces, his former colleagues, several of whom I knew, had heard +nothing about him. As such wandering stars only diffuse their light in +their immediate vicinity, the small local sheets that came to us made +as little mention of him as the large journals of the capital. + +Now, in his erratic course, he had come so near us that I could not +avoid suddenly discerning him with the naked eye. + +There stood the notice. "Konstantin Spielberg, with his renowned +dramatic company, has arrived in St. ----," the nearest Pomeranian +capital to us, "and intends, during the next six weeks, to give +performances to which respected citizens, the nobility, and the +art-loving public are invited." + +At any other time this intelligence would undoubtedly have agitated me, +but without stimulating me to any decision. In the strange situation in +which I found myself since my last interview with my friend's daughter, +this shadow from former days seemed to me like a sign from Heaven. I +instantly resolved to repress all the emotions contending in my soul +and convince myself, with my own eyes, how this man's wife fared, and +whether she needed any assistance from the friend whose confidence she +had certainly sorely betrayed. + +I went at once to my employer and requested him to give me a week's +vacation. Both physically and mentally I was in a strangely upset +condition, which perhaps was only due to stagnation of the blood, and +would be relieved by a short pedestrian excursion. + +My request was granted without hesitation, and that very afternoon I +found myself, with a light knapsack on my back, but my heart doubly +burdened by two hopeless love-affairs, on the sunny highway that led to +the Pomeranian frontier. + + + * * * * * + + +I might have reached my destination that night. But, swiftly as I had +commenced my walk, after the first hour it became difficult for me to +put one foot before the other. I constantly repeated to myself: "How +will you find her? And how will she look when you suddenly take her by +surprise without having previously inquired whether your visit would be +agreeable or not? Quite probably she will shrink from you, as if you +were a ghost recalling a time she would prefer to have buried, and you +can be off home again. + +"What then? And what is to be done about the other, whom you really +never ought to see again, if you desire to be an honest man." + +Under the influence of such thoughts I stopped, at the end of a few +hours, at a respectable village tavern, the last in the territory of +the Mark, and spent the sultry night uncomfortably enough in the thick +feather-bed. The next morning I continued my snail's pace. Never in my +life had I felt more plainly, and with deeper shame, how pitiful a +thing is our much-lauded free-will. For in fact I was nothing more than +a puppet which a child pulls by a string, and it made the matter none +the better because the boy whose plaything I was had gay wings on his +shoulders and wrote his name Cupid. + +It was about ten o'clock when I reached the little city--a place as +ugly, dreary, and lifeless as any other Pomeranian town on an August +morning. But, as I walked over the rough pavement of the main street, +my heart throbbed as if I were entering some enchanted city, where in a +crystal castle I should find the princess in a giant's power, and, +after perilous adventures, secure her release. + +I first inquired at the hotel, fully expecting that I should find the +"renowned" traveling company had lodgings there. But, when I had thrown +my knapsack into one chair in the public-room of the "Black Eagle" and +myself into another, and the waiter had brought me half a bottle of +Moselle, I was better informed at once. + +The actors had spent only one night with them, and the very next day +hired the back of the commandant's house for a month. Until six years +ago a regiment of infantry had been stationed here, and the colonel had +occupied Count X----'s old house facing the Goose-Market. When the +regiment was ordered to another garrison, the house was not rented +again. Now the manager had hired the back building, formerly used for +the offices and adjutant's residence, at a very low price. The +performances were given at the Schützenhaus near the Stettin Gate. The +actors were splendid and drew large crowds. + +"Does the manager's wife play too?" I asked, and, as I spoke, my hand +trembled so violently that part of the wine was spilled from my glass. + +No. The manager's wife never appeared. It was said that she was a lady +of noble birth, who had run away with her present husband. But she was +a very beautiful lady, and nobody could tell any evil of her. Did not I +want something to eat? The _table-d'hôte_, at which there was nobody +now except one commercial traveler, would not be ready for two hours. + +I rose after hastily swallowing a single glass, let the officious youth +brush my hat and clothes, and then requested him to direct me to the +actor's residence. Perceiving my interest in him, he brought me the +bill for that night's performance. The "Ancestress," a tragedy by +Grillparger, with spectral apparitions: first row, six good +groschens[3]; second row, five silver ones; pit, two good ones; +children, half price; commencement at six o'clock. I read the names, of +which I knew only the manager's: Jaromir--Manager Konstantin Spielberg. +An uncomfortable feeling of mingled cowardice and repugnance again +overpowered me. For a moment I actually hesitated whether I should not +strap on my knapsack again and walk straight out through the opposite +gate. But the puppet was fastened to its platform, and the naughty boy +pulled till his toy was obliged to roll where he wanted it to go. + +The Goose-Market was a rectangular piece of ground, in which grew dusty +acacia-trees. On one of the narrow sides stood the colonel's former +residence, a by no means ugly two-story building, in the style of the +reign of Old Fritz, with a flight of steps leading to the door, and a +stone escutcheon on the cornice above. But all the windows were closed +with shutters, and a cat lay asleep in the sentry-box beside the steps. + +My waiter led me to the side entrance, whose door was unlocked, and +through the wide gateway into the shady court-yard, in whose center a +large chestnut-tree spread its boughs in front of the windows of the +rear building. "Please go up the stairs at the back," he said. +"Somebody is always at home; but, if you want the manager, you'll find +him now at the rehearsal. A very diligent artist, as the president of +the district court says, and the rest of the company do well, too. But +our little city deserves it, for everybody here raves about art. Well, +you will see for yourself." + +He bowed affectedly and left me alone, which made me very happy. For +the accursed throbbing of the heart grew madder than ever, and I was +forced to lean against the trunk of the chestnut ere I was able to walk +through the court-yard. + +The lower story of the back building seemed to be wholly occupied by +stables and coach-houses. In the upper one, all the windows stood open, +and their freshly washed panes glittered all the more brightly from the +contrast to the thick dust on the doors and sills. At last I plucked up +courage and mounted the dark stairs. + +I came to a long, tolerably wide corridor, and wandered helplessly past +several closed doors. Behind one of them I heard the rattling of pans +and dishes; that must be the kitchen. I did not wish to summon a +servant, so I stole softly on. And now I paused before a door through +which I heard the sound of a woman's well-known voice--only a few +words, but I felt by the hot tide which coursed through my veins that +it had not lost its power over me during the four or five years of +separation. And now I summoned up my resolution like a hero and +knocked. Some one called "Come in," and I suddenly stood inside the +apartment, confronting my old, inevitable fate. + + + * * * * * + + +She was sitting at the open window, and the sunbeams, piercing the +foliage of the chestnut, flickered over her figure, leaving her head in +shadow. At the first glance I saw that she had grown even more +beautiful--a little stouter and more matronly, of course--but her face +was still more instinct with intellect, and her nose had actually +lengthened a trifle. She wore her hair in the same fashion as in her +girlhood, only she had fastened over the coil behind a black-silk +crocheted net, whose ends were knotted at her neck. No one would have +perceived either her lineage or her present dignity as wife of the +manager by her plain, dark-calico dress. But in her lap she held a +red-velvet royal mantle--very threadbare, it is true--trimmed with +gold-lace, in which she was mending a long rent, and a pile of knights' +costumes, satin bodices, and plumed caps lay in a clothes basket beside +her chair. + +"Good Heavens, Johannes!" I heard her suddenly exclaim. The royal +mantle slipped from her hand, and she rose to her full-height, fixing +her large brown eyes on me exactly as I had feared--as if a ghost had +rudely startled her from her quiet thoughts. + +A little boy, about four years old, who had been playing with a Noah's +ark on a piece of carpet at her feet, sprang up at the same time, +seized her hand, and was now staring at me with mingled shyness and +curiosity. + +At first I could say nothing. I was gazing steadily at the little fair +head--her child, and her very image. + +She seemed to notice it, and, as if to disguise her first feeling of +embarrassment, she bent over the little fellow, saying, "Go and shake +hands prettily with the gentleman, Joachimchen. He is a dear uncle, and +it is very kind in him to have sought out your mother again." + +But the child clung timidly to her arm, and would not approach me. + +"Yes, it is I, Frau Luise," I stammered at last, in some confusion. "I +wanted, as my way brought me near you--. But you are looking so +well, Frau Luise. How do you do? You are happy, I see--and the dear +child--does Uncle Joachim know that he bears his name? He would surely +be pleased." + +"Won't you sit down, Herr Johannes?" she replied. "The sofa over yonder +is very uncomfortable. Bring a chair, and let us sit near the window. +And now tell me whence you have come and what has brought you to us." + +I did as she requested, while she resumed her interrupted work and +listened intently. The child had pushed his toys aside, and, when I +held out my hand, shyly laid his soft little fingers in it. But I soon +drew him close to my side, and, ere ten minutes had passed, he was +sitting on my knee, patiently letting me stroke his hair while I +described my life. + +True, I dared not make even the most distant allusion, to the one +thought around which everything else had turned in the course of the +years, and which had now brought me here. But women are sensitive, and +have the gift of reading in our eyes and catching from broken tones the +very thing we are most anxious to conceal. + +She, however, did not do this. + +"I am heartily glad to see you again at last, dear Herr Johannes," she +replied, when I had paused. "I have always valued your friendship, and +was very sorry that you had perhaps formed a false opinion of me when I +disappeared so suddenly. If you stay with us a few days, you will see +that I could not have done otherwise. My husband, too, will be glad to +make your acquaintance. I have told him about you. True, you will not +be able to judge correctly of his talent as an artist. His surroundings +are not worthy of him, and he can not appear in his best parts in these +little towns. But you will learn to value him as a man." + +I made no reply. I could not tell her that I greatly doubted the +latter, and did not even desire it. My aversion to her husband was as +much a part of my reverence for her as the thorn is a portion of the +rose. + +"Put the boy down again," she said. "You will tire the gentleman, +Joachimchen." + +The little fellow had begun to pull my whiskers with his slender +fingers, which gave me great pleasure. + +"Let him stay, Frau Luise," I said. "Shall I tell you a story, little +Joachim? Or, shall we play together?" + +"Play!" replied the dear child, and his earnest eyes sparkled. He slid +quickly from my lap and again knelt on the carpet where the little +menagerie lay, heaped in motley confusion. I sat down beside him and +began to arrange the animals in pairs on the floor, asking my little +playmate the name of each. He scarcely missed one. + +"He is remarkably far advanced for his age," I said to his mother, who +sat at her work, looking down at us with a quiet smile. + +"He has associated entirely with grown persons," she replied. "I hope +it will not always be so. I shall try to obtain some companions for him +this winter. We shall then spend several months in the same place." + +Just at that moment the door opened and her husband entered. He paused +as he saw the strange group at the window, but, when I rose, and his +wife mentioned my name, came forward with outstretched hand, saying, in +the beautiful baritone voice he used in personating his heroes: + +"How do you do, Herr Candidate? We are old acquaintances, for you were +among the spectators at my disastrous appearance at the castle. It +certainly was not one of my brilliant parts, and the only hand that +moved to clap, wounded me. But, for the sake of the happy afterpiece, I +still remember the day with joy and gratitude. Do I not, dear wife?" + +He had taken his wife's hand and raised it to his lips. I could not +help owning that his chivalrous bearing suited him admirably. Though he +had just passed his fortieth year, his appearance was still youthful +and winning; there was not a gray hair in his locks _à la Hendricks_; +the expression of the pale, finely-chiseled features was a trifle +self-complacent and triumphant, but unmistakably kind. Even his +conspicuous dress--a short, black-velvet coat trimmed with braid, +yellow nankeen trousers, and a red-silk kerchief knotted loosely around +his throat--was becoming. One thing, however, I did not like: he nodded +to the child with sarcastic condescension, and, after a careless "How +are you, lad?" took no further notice of him. The boy, too, quietly +continued his play as if a total stranger had entered. + +The great artist instantly asked me familiarly if I felt inclined to +change the pulpit for the stage, since it was well known that an actor +can teach a pastor. Luise had told him that I was musical; as he meant +in time to add operettas to his list of attractions, he could make me a +sort of conductor, unless I should prefer to fit myself to be an actor. +I would find it pleasant with him; his wife could bear witness that he +did not make amends for the petticoat government he was under at home +by tyranny behind the scenes. + +His jesting tone did not seem to be exactly agreeable to his wife. At +least she did not enter into it, but gravely continued to mend the +crimson robe. But he was evidently in the best possible humor. While +pacing up and down the spacious room with the slow strides of a stage +hero, he cast a proud, well-satisfied glance into the mirror that hung +above the sofa every time he passed it, talked of the rehearsal from +which he had just come, and trivial annoyances which he had smoothed +according to his wishes. + +"You will make the acquaintance of the members of our company +immediately," he said, turning to me; "and I hope you will find them by +no means the worst sort of people. We must live and let live. My wise +wife, who in the shortest possible time has transformed herself into a +perfect mother to the company, has made the arrangement that we are all +to dine together at noon, not at the hotel where food is dear and bad, +but here under her wing. At first it was inconvenient to many of them. +But they soon perceived it to be an advantage in every way. They obtain +for a very small sum, which is deducted from their salaries in advance, +good and abundant food, support themselves honestly, and contract no +debts at the hotel. Besides, we have an opportunity of discussing at +table many points concerning the evening performance which did not +occur to us at the rehearsal." + +A square-built personage, with a white cap surrounding her flushed +face, entered and announced that dinner was ready. + +"Here, my honored friend, you see the artist who provides for our +physical support--Fräulein Kunigunde--the mistress of the kitchen and +larder, who in her leisure hours renders us priceless services as +mistress of the wardrobe.--Fräulein Kunigunde, I have the honor to +present to you Herr Dr. Johannes, a distant relative of my wife, who +would fain convince himself whether our car of Thespis merits the +renown it enjoys in all the region where Low German is spoken. I hope +you have some nice dish for us." + +The embarrassed creature courtesied silently and vanished, settling +her cap. She evidently supposed me to be some distinguished +stranger, before whom she would not willingly have appeared in her +working-clothes. The artist, after a parting look in the mirror, +passed his hand familiarly through my arm, saying: "You won't object +to my suppressing your title of Candidate and promoting you to that +of Doctor in presenting you to my colleagues. Among these frivolous +folk, theology plays the part of Knecht Ruprecht,[4] or must encounter +disrespectful badinage. Your surname, too, would give cause for +witticisms. So let us keep to the Christian one. Then it will be +thought that you consider it a duty to your aristocratic relatives to +be known on the stage only as Johannes." + +I was about to protest against his taking possession of my person in +this arbitrary fashion, but he had already opened the door of the +adjoining room, and, as Frau Luise, who led the boy by the hand, cast a +glance at me as she passed, which seemed to indicate that I need not be +too rigorous, I entered without further scruple into the part thus +forced upon me, and from which I fancied I could escape at any moment. + + + * * * * * + + +The dining-room was a long apartment with three windows. Its walls were +perfectly bare, and the old white-lace curtains made them seem still +more cold and unhomelike. A narrow table, whose uneven width betrayed +that it had been formed of several sets of boards, occupied the center; +its cloth was not fine, but exquisitely clean. About fourteen rude +wooden chairs were ranged around it, all as yet unoccupied, and the +number of guests, who stood chatting together in the window-niches, +seemed still incomplete. + +I was presented, as an old friend of the family and embryo student of +the dramatic art, first to a married couple, Herr and Frau Selmar, who +eyed me in unfriendly silence. These two oldest members of the company, +as I afterward learned, were in a chronic state of dissatisfaction with +everything and everybody except themselves. Probably there is no class +of persons among whom the type of character embodying cureless, +arrogant pride, may so frequently be found as amid the older dramatic +artists, whose profession compels them to attach value to their +personality, to long passionately for momentary triumphs, and to be on +their guard against any rivalry. Herr Selmar, who took the parts of the +stage fathers and blustering old men, considered himself still young +enough for the lover's rôles in which the manager shone, and his faded +wife, who years before had bewitched all hearts by her personal charms +as much as by her acting, could not now feel satisfied to fill the +characters of old women and mothers. + +They had just been venting their irritation concerning some jealous +grievance to each other, and I admired the good-natured cheerfulness +with which the manager gradually soothed them. True, he was most ably +assisted in doing so by the droll quips interposed by a tall, thin man +of uncertain age, dressed in a greenish summer suit. The latter was +presented to me as Herr Laban, comedian of the company, and as, spite +of my uncomfortable mood, I could not help laughing heartily at his +quaint jests, a sort of friendly familiarity instantly arose between +us, and he took the seat next me at table. + +Frau Luise sat at the head, and on a high cushion in the chair at her +right was the little boy, who managed his knife and fork very prettily +from his miniature throne. Her husband occupied the seat at her left, +then came the Selmar couple, I sat next the child, and with tender +delight rendered him all sorts of little services. A few of the lesser +lights of the company joined us, and, just as the soup was served, a +dilatory pair appeared, in whom I recognized the young man and his +companion who had attracted my attention while sitting on the bench in +front of the village tavern. + +"Herr Daniel Kontzky--Fräulein Victorine." + +With a silent bow to the manager's wife, they sat down opposite to me, +and seemed to recognize my face. At least, they exchanged a few +whispered words before beginning to eat, which they did with affected +haste and indifference, entering into no conversation with any of their +colleagues. They evidently desired to give the impression that they +considered themselves far superior to their present associates, and had +only strayed among them by chance. + +While the simple but very excellent food was handed around--Fräulein +Kunigunde brought in the dishes, placed them at the ends of the table, +and left those who sat nearest to pass them farther--I had time enough +to study the two youngest and most interesting members of the company. +They had improved during the five years--at least, so far as their +personal appearance was concerned. The young man, now probably about +six and twenty, had a remarkably handsome face, whose swift play of +expression instantly betrayed the actor. I afterward learned he was the +child of a Hebrew father and a Polish mother. From the latter he +inherited the passionate fire of his eyes and the feminine delicacy of +his complexion, as well as his small hands and feet. He wore a light +summer suit of the latest fashion, and had a ruby ring on his little +finger. But, notwithstanding his soft tenor voice, his laugh was +sneering and disagreeable, and I noticed with surprise that he +sometimes cast a side glance at Frau Luise which expressed open +dislike, while her lip curled whenever their eyes chanced to meet. + +Fräulein Victorine's face puzzled me still more. It revealed a two-fold +nature, at once aspiring and sordid. Nothing could be more charming +than her large, mournful gray eyes, under delicate black brows, and her +little nose seemed to have been stolen from some Greek statue. But the +mouth belied this refinement of nature. Spite of her youth, it was +flabby and prematurely withered, and, even when it remained firmly +closed, one expected nothing to issue from it save commonplace and +repulsive words. Her little figure was the daintiest, and at the same +time the most perfectly rounded that could be imagined, and she +understood how to set off its charms in the best light. + +At first I was myself deluded as I watched her melting Madonna gaze +wander so disconsolately over the company, and read in it a touching +legend of lost youth and premature contempt for the world. But, as soon +as she began to whisper with her neighbor, an expression of coldness +and insolence rested on her face that was intensely repulsive to me. + +I will mention here the other members of the Round Table: A graybeard +of fifty, vigorous and stoutly built, in the dress of a workman, who +was introduced to me as stage-manager, machinist, and Inspector +Gottlieb Schönicke--a queer fellow, who told me the very next day that +he was a misunderstood genius, and, if he were only allowed to play +King Lear once, the world would perceive what serious injustice had +been done him for years; and his neighbor, a stout, plain, middle-aged +woman, who filled the office of a prompter, but was often pressed into +the service as an actress to play women of the people, Hannah in "Mary +Stuart," nay, if necessity required, even the mother of Emilia Galotti. + +All these worthy actors and actresses behaved during the meal like +mutes, and I thought I noticed that the presence of Frau Luise, whose +kindness they regarded as condescension, embarrassed them. The only +person whose manner displayed dignified ease was the manager himself, +who did not let the conversation drop, first discussing all sorts of +technical questions with the tall comedian, then turning to me and +asking minute questions about the present condition of theatrical +affairs in Berlin. I could not help secretly owning that he did not +lack culture and sound judgment; and a certain enthusiasm for great +models, whom he had studied on the stage, though it was expressed in a +somewhat sentimental manner, and rather too abundantly garnished with +classical quotations after the manner of actors, also did him honor. +Besides, he ate very little and very gracefully, and always offered his +wife the best pieces, which she declined with a blush. + +Frau Luise said little, devoted herself to the child, and thanked me +with a half smile for my services to him. + +When the delicious plums and early pears, that formed the dessert, had +been eaten, she rose from the table. A hasty "May the meal do you +good!" was uttered on all sides without shaking hands, and in two +minutes the whole company had dispersed. The manager, after again +kissing his wife's hand, beckoned me to accompany him. "I must first of +all take you into better company," he declaimed with his sonorous +laugh. "I drink my coffee every day at the club-house, where all the +rich dignitaries meet. You won't object to my taking your 'kinsman' +away from you, Luise?" + +She silently shook her head and dismissed me with an absent "Farewell." + +I should have infinitely preferred to stay with her and the little boy, +who had completely won my heart. But the actor had already passed his +hand through my arm, and now led me out. Nothing was more painful to me +than this familiar contact with a man whom I had cursed a thousand +times in my heart, and who was now treating me so kindly and frankly +that I could not even have stabbed him with Macbeth's imaginary dagger. + +We had scarcely reached the street, when he suddenly stopped, took off +his straw hat, and passed his large, well-shaped hand across his brow. + +"I am extremely glad that you have come, Herr Doctor," he said in a +subdued voice. "I don't grudge my wife a little agreeable refreshment, +such as a visit from an old friend affords. + + 'She is a woman, take her all in all! + We ne'er shall look upon her like again.' + +But we will not conceal it from each other, she is not exactly in her +sphere among us. Her eloping with me was a piece of magnanimous folly, +which she does not repent, it is true, she is too proud for that, +and--" here he straightened his shoulders and replaced his hat on his +flowing locks--"and too happy in her marriage with me. Nevertheless, +she is an aristocrat, and the best among us have a drop of gypsy blood +in our veins. If she could have resolved to act--with her appearance, +her superb voice--I am sure that she would now be completely absorbed +by her new profession, and it would have been a great gain to me. But +nothing would induce her to do this. Now she sits alone during the many +hours that I am occupied, for the boy is a little aristocrat, too, and +so quiet--I would rather have had a girl, you know. Girls can be used +in the business much younger, and there is no such need of educating +them. Well, as I said, it is only for her sake--she is really a pearl +of her sex, and never complains. But I should like to see her shining +in a suitable setting. Posterity weaves no garlands for the actor, and +his contemporaries only too often twine for him a crown of thorns. +That they wound her forehead, too, is painful to me. I am really a +kind-hearted fellow. It is not true that genius makes people wicked and +selfish. You will yet be convinced of it." + +I replied that I should not have much time to become acquainted with +all his good qualities, as I intended to continue my journey the +following day. + +In fact, all these disclosures made my heart so sore that I wished +myself a hundred miles away. + +He instantly took my arm again and led me on. "We will discuss that +subject further. I will not impose any restraint upon you, but, you +know, temptation is really violence, and I think you will be able to +endure our society for a few weeks at least. Come to the theatre +tonight. It is not our worst performance. True, when I think of the +difficulties with which a traveling company must contend, and how +differently I might fill the office of a priest of art, had not envy +and intrigues forced me away from the great theatres--" + +Here he launched forth into descriptions of his former triumphs, to +which I listened with only half an ear. + +I remained only half an hour in the club-room, to which he conducted me +mainly to show the distinction he enjoyed among these worthy citizens. +His game of dominoes, at which I was merely a spectator, wearied me, +and his drinking three small glasses of rum to one cup of coffee +completely destroyed my dawning good opinion of him. I pleaded a +headache, which would not allow me to endure the smoke-laden atmosphere +of the room, and, as he was entirely absorbed in a conversation with +several enthusiastic admirers, he dismissed me without opposition by +one of his royal gestures of the hand. + +I sauntered in a very miserable mood through the little city and out of +the gate. + + + * * * * * + + +The day was beautiful, the air had been cooled by a light shower while +we were drinking our coffee, and the neighborhood of the little town, +with its fields and meadows dotted with fruit-trees, was well worth +seeing. But my mind was closed against the perception of anything +pleasant. + +I could not help constantly saying to myself: "So she lives here, with +this man, among these people! And she has before her a long life, which +can never again tend upward to the heights, but always downward, slowly +paralyzing the mind and soul." + +For the unruffled cheerfulness of her manner at the table had not +deceived me an instant. True, the life she had led in her uncle's house +was by no means what she deserved. Yet, in those days, amid all the +oppression, all the repugnance to so much that was base, her eyes had +sparkled with joyous pride, and her head was held proudly erect on her +strong shoulders. Now it drooped slightly as though under an unseen +burden, and her large eyes often wandered to the floor as though +seeking something that was lost. + +My grief for her was so intense that it even crowded the old passionate +love into a corner of my heart, especially as I had taken a solemn vow +to see in her only the wife of another. Nay, I believe, if I had found +her perfectly happy, with head erect and laughing eyes, I would have +uprooted the weeds of envy and jealousy from my poor soul forever. + +True, Uncle Joachim had said: "Whatever folly a woman like her may +commit, she will not allow herself to succumb to it." He knew her well. +But how much secret misery a human being may have to endure, even +though he or she "bears the inevitable with dignity." + +Absorbed in these thoughts, I had walked a long distance, and was +already considering whether I should not let the "Ancestress" go, and +find some pretext for taking my departure that very evening, when I saw +Frau Luise herself, with her little boy, approaching me by the shady +path that led through a wood. The child was frisking merrily around his +mother, but she walked slowly with bowed head, and seemed to answer his +questions very absently. She had put on a small hat that had slipped +back from her head, and a blue sunshade rested carelessly on her left +shoulder. She came slowly forward without looking up, until the child +noticed me, and with a sudden exclamation ran to her and seized her +hand; then, with a friendly nod, she paused. + +At first we talked of indifferent matters, the weather, the pretty +location of the city, and the superior fertility of the soil to that of +her native region. This brought us to the persons we had both known +there, and about whom she had been kept informed by Uncle Joachim. I +learned that my former pupil had been placed in the cadet barracks, and +that his sister was betrothed to Cousin Kasimir. Mademoiselle Suzon had +quitted the castle a few weeks after my departure, to return no more. +She passed quickly over this point, but a contemptuous curl of her +lower lip betrayed that she had been informed of the whole affair. A +young English lady had now taken the Frenchwoman's place; she did not +know whether she could play chess, but she seemed to fill her +predecessor's position satisfactorily in every other respect. Sometimes +the new pastor--the old one had gently fallen asleep in death--came to +the castle in the evening and held devotional exercises for an hour. +Everything else remained unchanged. The veteran peacock had spread his +tail for the last time the previous winter, and she was keeping some of +his feathers as a relic. + +Then for a time we relapsed into silence. The dear child walked gravely +along between us, holding a hand of each. When we came out of the wood, +we saw a meadow thickly besprinkled with autumn flowers. "Run, +Joachimchen, and pick a beautiful bouquet for Uncle Johannes," said the +mother. + +The child obeyed, climbing merrily over the little slope by the road. + +"He is so bright," said Frau Luise, "he hears everything, and already +understands more than is well, or at least has his little confused +thoughts about all sorts of subjects. And I must tell you something +that is to remain a secret between ourselves. I have never so +thoroughly despised any one from the depths of my heart as Uncle +Achatz, and it was a punishment to me even to breathe the same air. +When I came to his house--only a few months after my mother's death--he +had the effrontery to persecute me with offers of love. He wished to +get a divorce and marry me. You can imagine that I longed to go out +into the wide world then; but pity for my aunt, who is a saint-like +sufferer, withheld me. During those sorrowful years I learned that man +has no other source of strength and peace than his conscience, his love +of truth, and the quiet communion with his God, who, it is true, +answers us not when we chatter to him overmuch, but when we listen in +the deepest silence. He commanded me to interfere when a good and +innocent person was shamefully insulted in my presence. 'The measure is +full!' cried a voice in my heart. 'You must no longer breathe the air +of this house, where all human dignity is trampled under foot.' So I +did what I could not help doing. I knew I was undertaking no easy task, +and those who charged me with frivolity never knew me. Now, with God's +assistance, I will perform it. And he has given me something that has +helped me through many a trying hour and will aid me year after year." + +Her eyes wandered to the child, who had already gathered a handful of +flowers, and with sparkling eyes was holding them up to show them to +his mother. + +"The dear little fellow!" I said. + +"Yes, if I did not have him! He has never caused me a single sorrow. He +constitutes my entire happiness." + +"Your _entire_ happiness, Frau Luise?" + +The question had scarcely escaped my lips ere I regretted it. What +right had I to tear the veil she had drawn over her fate? + +But she raised it herself. + +"No," she said, "you must not misunderstand me. The child is not the +sole blessing I possess, but he is really my only _entire_ happiness. +You do not yet know my husband thoroughly. He is a noble-hearted man, +and would do anything for my sake, so far as he could anticipate my +wishes. But his profession makes him see the world in a different +light, and think other objects desirable. That is usually the case +between married people, and must be accepted. Have you ever or anywhere +found entire happiness? We must strive to receive the patchwork with +our whole souls, then the gaps will be filled, and, as the words run in +Faust, 'the insufficient becomes an event.' Stay with us a few days. +You will then judge many things differently." + +I did not know what to answer, but a cry of terror from the boy +relieved me from my dilemma. We saw him suddenly spring aside, stumble +over a clod of earth, and fall, still holding the flowers tightly in +his little hand. I was at his side in an instant, lifted him, and saw +that an ugly fat toad, which had jumped clumsily into the ditch, had +frightened him. He was still trembling in every limb, but already +smiled again and held out the bouquet to me. + +"His nerves are so sensitive," said his mother, as she smoothed the +little bare head. "If he could only be more in the open air. But all my +time is so occupied that I can scarcely manage to spend an hour out of +doors with him every afternoon. And his father lives so entirely in his +art that he does not see it." + +She became absorbed in her thoughts, while I walked by her side, +carrying the boy in my arms. He soon climbed on my shoulders and +pretended I was his horse, till his shouts and laughter even called a +smile to his mother's grave face. + +Just before reaching the city, we again walked decorously side by side. +I took my leave outside the house. Should I see her at the theatre? No, +she always remained at home and her husband went with his colleagues to +the club-room, so she could not receive me, but hoped to see me early +in the morning, or at any rate at dinner. + +I dared not at once bid her farewell forever; nay, I no longer believed +I should have the courage to set out on my return the next morning. The +child had won my heart. + + + * * * * * + + +Of course I spent the evening at the theatre. The hall of the +Schützenhaus had been hastily fitted up, and for the first time I +admired Gottlieb Schönicke's skill in placing shabby and faded scenery +and properties in the best light. My free ticket admitted me to the +most desirable place, which consisted of three rows of rush-bottomed +chairs, but I purposely took my seat on one of the back benches where +the humbler folk, the tradesmen, and resident farmers of the little +town, gave themselves up to the enjoyment of the play. The house was +packed; the large receipts would have warranted a better illumination. +But it was the rule not to light more than eight lamps in the +proscenium and one on every other pilaster, and I must confess that the +illusion was more perfect than in the broad glare of the gas in the +theatres of the capital. + +I do not intend to deliver a discourse on the drama, and shall avoid +adopting the style of the countless romances of theatrical life, +especially as--apart from the external differences caused by the +changed methods of travel--the lives of these strolling players have +remained essentially the same since the days of Wilhelm Meister. +Besides, they are perfectly familiar to the world in general and +possess little interest. Only, for truth's sake, I must observe that +the "renowned" Spielberg company did honor to their name. Spite of +inadequate accessories and acting, the wonderful drama created by a +classically poetic imagination, still under the influence of romance, +exerted a fascination which even the lachrymose specter of Madame +Selmar, and the hypochondriacal, sepulchral tones of her husband, who +played Count Idenko von Borotin, could not destroy. Spielberg was a +superb Jaromir, and I now understood that his fervent chest-voice might +irresistibly charm the heart of a girl of twenty. In the scenes with +Bertha particularly--whose character, as personated by Fräulein +Victorine, had a touch of witchery--his tones possessed a pathos that +brought storms of applause from the audience which, however, on +appearing before the foot-lights, he acknowledged--as became so great +an artist--with merely a quiet bend of the head. + +During the performance his eye had discovered me in my dark corner, and +ere he left the stage he made a significant gesture as if to say, "I +expect to meet you again." But this was by no means agreeable to me. I +only hated him the more because he had extorted from me some degree of +admiration; besides, I longed to be alone in order to determine whether +to go or stay. + +So I let the audience quit the hall, that I might not be accosted, with +provincial courtesy, by any of the inhabitants who chanced to notice +that I was a stranger, and was the last of all to emerge into the open +air. + +It was a beautiful star-lit summer night, warm and still; the only +sound was the patter of the heavy dew trickling from the branches of +the trees in the Schützen Park. I paused outside, enjoying the same +sense of comfort we have while awake in bed between two dreams, in the +consciousness that we are still enjoying our bodily existence. Only the +day before yesterday I had been sitting on the bench in the parsonage +garden, beside the dear sensitive girl from whom the sudden outburst of +the flame of a hapless attachment had driven me, and to-day I was here +amid these totally unfamiliar surroundings, with the old fire once more +burning beneath the ashes, and must again save myself by flight if I +were not to perish utterly. + +I saw the actors, who meantime had changed their clothes and washed off +their rouge, emerging from a little back door, heard their loud +conversation, and once even the call for "Doctor Johannes." Then the +little group dispersed under the trees toward the city, and, after a +sufficiently long interval separated us, I too set out on my way home. + +Suddenly I heard a light footstep behind me, and a low, musical voice +said: "Are you in such a hurry, Herr Doctor, that you can't even look +round at a defenseless lady, far less offer her your arm and your +company?" + +At the same moment a hand was slipped through my arm, and by the +uncertain starlight I looked into Victorine's big, mournful eyes. + +"I was belated," she said, "and now I am glad to still find a +companion. Besides, I should like to become a little better acquainted +with you, for at dinner, when the manager's wife is present, my mouth +feels as though it were sewed up. Come, you needn't be afraid that +anything will be thought of it, if we are seen taking this nocturnal +promenade. We sha'n't meet even a cat, and you probably care no more +what Mrs. Grundy thinks of you than I do." + +Her light tone, so strangely belied by her melancholy eyes, was +extremely repulsive to me: So I answered very coldly and a trifle +maliciously: + +"I only wonder that Herr Daniel leaves the knightly service to +another." + +"He!" she replied, with a short laugh, which, spite of her beautiful +voice, sounded very unmusical. "In the first place, he did not play +to-night, and was not even at the hall. And then, though he usually +pays me some little attention, we have had a quarrel to-day. You are +mistaken if you fancy he is in love with me. It's only old custom that +makes us keep together. His heart, such as it is, belongs to a very +different person." + +"May I ask--?" + +"Why not? It is an open secret. He's infatuated with Frau Spielberg, +though she's such a cold fish that it always makes me shiver merely to +look at her. She behaves, too, as if he were not in existence, and when +he gets into a rage about it he pours out his whole heart to me, and it +does him good to have me laugh at him. That is our whole relation. +Perhaps I ought not to speak to you so frankly about it. You are her +relative, and of course revere her as though she were a saint. But I +can't help it; she is insufferable to me, with her Canoness airs and +woful face the instant the company begins to be a little merry, and one +or another goes a shade too far. She ought to have kept away from the +stage. But she felt her human nature once when she threw herself into +Spielberg's arms. Why does she put on her governess manner now?" + +As I made no reply--feeling disgusted by these blasphemies--she +chattered on, clinging still more closely to my arm. + +"You see, even you yourself can not defend her. She is a positive +injury to the manager. He used to be such a pleasant, courteous man, a +genuine artist. Now he, too, poses as a Philistine and tutor, all by +the orders of his aristocratic wife. She would prefer to have the whole +company live in the same house, like a great cloister, to be able to +continually watch over them. And most of them are cowardly or obliging +enough to submit to it. But Herr Daniel, Herr Laban, and my +insignificant self don't care for such an institution for small +children. We always lodge at the hotel, and so you have the honor of +being only three doors away from me; your room is No. 6, mine No. 2. I +hope we shall be good neighbors." + +I could not command my feelings sufficiently to enter into this light +tone, so I began to speak of something entirely different, and +praised--which I could do with a clear conscience--her acting that +evening. + +"Nonsense!" she interrupted, "you can't be in earnest; for, between +ourselves, I played abominably to-night, I was so vexed by the scene +with Daniel, whom I had been lecturing because he confessed his +jealousy of you. Besides, I hate such sentimental parts, which +unfortunately I have to play most frequently. Before I joined +Spielberg's company--I was still very young--I was very fond of acting +the merry little coquettes, the gayer they were the better, and best of +all were parts like those of Parisian grisettes. But the manager +thought my face exactly suited the heroines of tragedy, so now I am +continually obliged to moan and roll my beautiful eyes toward heaven, +as, for instance, to-morrow in 'Cabal and Love.' I have finally become +indifferent to it, and, after all, we learn to act best the characters +most unlike our own." + +I did not feel at all tempted to enter into a conversation upon the art +of acting and its higher demands with this girl. Meantime we had +reached our hotel, at whose open door the waiter received us with a +meaning face. I had evidently risen in his esteem, since I had the +honor of escorting the youthful leading lady home the very first +evening. + +On our way up-stairs she said: "I don't know whether I can venture to +invite you to drink a cup of tea with me. I should be obliged to send +you away in half an hour at any rate, for I must read over my part of +Luise Miller once more before I sleep." + +I excused myself, on the plea that I had a letter to write. She quietly +shrugged her shoulders. + +"As you please, Herr Doctor, or rather, as you must. I forgot that you +are a kinsman of Frau Spielberg. So good-night, and no offense! + + 'Thou'rt ill, ah, return, + Return to thy room!'" + +she declaimed from the rôle of Bertha, then dropped me a mocking +courtesy and glided into the door of No. 2. + + + * * * * * + + +I ordered supper to be brought to No. 6, not because I was hungry, but +to show the waiter that I had not availed myself of the favor of this +envied neighbor. Then I stood a long while at the open window, gazing +out into the narrow street and at the opposite houses, the homes of the +worthy citizens who led their quiet lives so contentedly, without +dreaming of tempests like those that raged in my heart and brain. + +One light after another disappeared, the footsteps of some belated +pedestrian echoed less and less frequently from the pavement below; at +last no sound arose save the hoarse voice of the night-watchman calling +the tenth hour. The house, too, which was so slightly built that its +walls told every secret, had become perfectly still. I was just +unpacking my knapsack to make my toilet for the night, when I heard in +the corridor a stealthy step which stopped a few doors away from mine, +then a low knock, and after a short time a suppressed voice said, +"Victorine. Open the door! I have something to tell you!" + +Of course, I could not hear the answer. The colloquy lasted some time, +the request for admittance being several times repeated, sometimes in +urgent, sometimes in coaxing tones, ere the closed door opened and was +noiselessly shut again. + +The study of the rôle of Luise Miller would scarcely be pursued in +company. + +This incident had the effect of sending me to bed, firmly determined to +turn my back as speedily as possible upon a world to which I did not +belong. I woke in the morning with the same resolution, and only +hesitated whether I should be expected to take a verbal farewell or +might depart with merely a written one. + +But, while I was sitting at breakfast pondering over this weighty +question, some one knocked at my door, and a personage of no less +importance than Konstantin Spielberg himself entered. + +Though he had sat up till late in the night with several of the town +dignitaries and some of his colleagues, and had drunk a great deal of +liquor, he looked so fresh, so full of strength and cheerfulness, that +again I could not help admiring him. He first kindly reproached me for +having so slyly deserted him the evening before. It had been my own +loss; he would have made me acquainted with some very intelligent +people; and his colleague Laban's witticisms had been like a perfect +shower of fireworks. But I should be forgiven if I would do him a great +favor. + +"A favor?" I asked. "If only I have time to grant it. I shall leave in +half an hour." + +That would be impossible in any case, he answered, arranging his locks +before the mirror. I must see him that night as the President; it was +one of his best parts, though he had resigned Ferdinand to Herr Daniel. +But, if I really had any friendly feeling for him, I must help him out +of a great difficulty. The prompter was to play Luise Miller's mother. +Gottlieb Schönicke usually filled her place on such occasions, but +owing to his carouse the night before he had become so hoarse that he +could scarcely utter an audible word. So, if the performance was to +take place, I must consent to fill this part and accompany him to the +rehearsal at once. + +All reluctance and pleas of my unfitness for this responsible post were +futile. And as, in the depths of my heart, I had sought some pretext +for being _compelled_ to stay, at least for one more day--ere I took my +leave, never to return--I finally allowed myself to be dragged away, +and half an hour later was standing behind the scenes with the +prompter's book in my hand. + +Tall Herr Laban greeted me very cordially, and told me he yet hoped to +see me appear in different parts. It was a pity to waste my gifts: +figure, play of expression, voice, and taste for acting, all urged me +toward the stage, and the company was in great need of new talent for +the characters which he himself, now _invita Minerva_--he pronounced +the words with a faultless accent--was compelled to fill, though Nature +had originally intended him for a comedian. + +Victorine gave me a careless nod, and studiously held aloof. Her friend +treated me with marked hostility, and was the only person who +constantly found fault with my prompting, for which the manager quietly +reproved him. Most of the members of the company performed their parts +at the rehearsal indifferently enough. Frau Selmar, however, personated +her Milford with a clear voice and through every shade of meaning, and +Laban gave an extremely clever performance of his Hofmarschall Kalb. + +Gottlieb Schönicke remained invisible. Whether he was sleeping off his +intoxication, or the story of his condition was merely a fiction to +induce me to act with them, I have never been able to determine. + +After the rehearsal the actors unceremoniously dispersed; the manager +had some arrangements to make in the dressing-room, and I was no little +surprised when allowed a glimpse of this holy of holies to find only a +single, tolerably large room, divided by a few screens and a sheet hung +over a rope, into two dressing-rooms, one for the men, the other for +the women. In the broad light of day all this disorderly collection of +mirrors, rouge-pots, and clothes-presses looked uncanny enough, and I +hastily beat a retreat. But, as I was passing through the empty +auditorium of the theatre, I saw with astonishment Frau Luise sitting +on one of the rear benches. + +"You here?" I exclaimed. "And absent yesterday evening? Do you attend +such unattractive rehearsals?" + +"I never go to the theatre during the evening performances," she +answered, rising. "I will not allow the suspicion that I do not +consider the acting of the company worth looking at, so I sometimes +come to the rehearsals, which also serves the purpose of enabling me to +call my husband's attention to many points when we are alone. True, it +is of little use," she added, with a resigned smile; "these second-rate +people, among whom we are placed, are the very ones that have an +exalted opinion of their own talent and knowledge of art. But I feel in +a certain sense responsible for the acting of my husband, who is a +genuine artist, and I know that my opinion is not a matter of +indifference to him. + +"Besides, dear friend," she added, after a pause, "you can not imagine +how lonely I am. So completely without society, except the company at +the dinner-table, I sometimes feel the necessity of sharing some sphere +of life, even though I might desire it to be a different one." + +Then she thanked me for having granted her husband's request, and we +left the theatre together. On our way, while she frequently glanced +back to see if her husband were not at last following us, I told her +that I had determined to continue my journey to-day, and now positively +intended to take my departure on the morrow. + +"You are right," she answered. "What should detain you here? You are +not fitted for these surroundings." + +Then, after a pause, she added: "Write to me if you change your +residence. I should always like to know where you are to be found, for +I have one earnest desire, which I have long secretly counted on you to +fulfill. When you have a parish, or a good wife, such as I desire for +you, I should be glad to put my son in your charge." + +"Do you intend to part with the child?" + +"Yes, dear friend," she replied, her brows contracting with an +expression of pain. "How I am to bear it I do not know. But my +resolution is fixed. He must grow up in a perfectly pure atmosphere. +While he is a child, I guard him myself. But how long will that be? +Even now it is almost impossible for me to reconcile all my duties. +When I go to the rehearsals I am compelled to trust him to Kunigunde, +who is an excellent person, but does not always take the right course +with him, and he shall not accompany me to the theatre. It would be +worse than if I were to give him brandy to drink, instead of milk." + +Then we grew silent. "Poor woman!" a voice in my heart continually +repeated; "you are indeed lonely." + +Meantime we had returned to the town, and then something happened, +whose memory even now makes my heart throb faster. + +When we entered the courtyard of the commandant's residence, my +companion's first glance sought the windows of her room. She suddenly +grasped my arm as if to save herself from falling, and I asked in alarm +if she were ill. But, as I looked up, a thrill of horror ran through my +frame also. For at the open window I saw the child, who had climbed out +on the sill, clinging with one little arm to the sash and stretching +out the other toward a drooping chestnut bough, whose ripening nuts had +probably roused his longing. As in his eagerness he held one little +foot suspended in the air, he seemed fairly hovering aloft with but the +feeblest support, and an icy chill crept down my back. + +Suddenly I heard the mother say in her gentlest voice: "Wouldn't it be +better for me to get you the beautiful chestnuts, Joachimchen? You +shall have a whole handful, if you are a good boy and climb down again +at once. Do what your mother tells you, my darling. I am coming up +directly. Then you shall show Uncle Johannes how to make a chain of +chestnuts." + +The smiling boy looked down at us, nodded to his mother, cautiously +drew first his foot and then his arm back from the giddy height, and +quickly disappeared inside the dark frame of the window. + +My own heart had fairly stopped beating. When I could breathe again, I +wanted to tell my companion how much I admired her for having had +courage to repress any cry of terror that might have startled the +little one and perhaps hurled him to destruction. But the words died on +my lips, for the next instant she had thrown her arms around my neck, +and, with her face hidden on my breast, burst into such convulsive sobs +that I was forced to exert all my strength, to support the tall, noble +figure in its helpless emotion. + +She did not regain her self-control until we heard steps in the +gateway, then, still clinging to my arm, she hurried into the rear +building and up the stairs. "Not a word about it to anybody!" she +whispered. At the top she stood still, panting for breath, and passed +her hand over her eyes. At last she rushed to her room, on whose +threshold the child met her, and clasped her sole happiness in her arms +with a cry of rapture in which all the pent-up excitement of the +mother's heart found utterance. + +When, soon after, her husband entered, nothing but her unwonted pallor +and a tremor, which still ever and anon ran through her limbs, could +have betrayed to him that anything unusual had occurred. He, however, +in his jovial self-satisfaction, was so exclusively absorbed in +himself--having just purchased a new neck-tie which he meant to wear at +dinner--that he noticed no change in her. And there was no one else at +the table who took any special heed of her, except a young girl of +fourteen--the daughter of the Selmar couple--who had been too ill to +appear at dinner the day before. She went to Frau Luise, pressed her +hand affectionately, and anxiously asked if she were well. "Oh! +perfectly well," replied the happy mother, smiling, as she kissed the +girl's cheek and inquired about her own doings. The dinner passed off +very much like the one of the previous day, except that the manager +regretted he could not drink my health in a glass of wine as a token of +gratitude for my admirable prompting. But the rigid law of the +household prohibited all spirituous drinks until the evening--and he +cast a glance of comic terror at his wife. + +I saw that she found it difficult to maintain her assumed cheerfulness, +and when we rose her knees trembled. So I suggested in a low tone that +she should lie down for a time and trust the boy to me for the +afternoon. She assented with a grateful glance and pressure of the +hand. + +When, at the end of a few hours, I brought the child--with whom I had +formed the closest friendship--back to his mother, I found her sitting +by the very window at which she had gazed with so much horror. She was +still quiet and pale, like a person just recovering from a dangerous +illness, but I had never seen her look more beautiful and charming, and +felt that the duty of self-defense required me to take leave of her +now. I could not come to her room after the play, so we shook hands +without uttering what was oppressing each heart; I kissed the child, +for the last time as I supposed, and, in a mood well worthy of +compassion, left these two beloved beings expecting never to see them +again. + + + * * * * * + + +When the evening performances ended, amid great applause--which most of +the company had honestly deserved, even Victorine, whose Madonna eyes +were obliged to make up for the deficiencies in her soul, while +Daniel's acting, in its fervent sensual vehemence, if it did not depict +the "German stripling," presented a very attractive young hothead--I +attempted to again slip out unnoticed, but was detected by the +manager's watchful eye, and, as tall Laban joined him, was helplessly +carried off between them and dragged to the club-room. Protest as I +might, Spielberg insisted upon treating me, and while doing so +presented me to his acquaintances in the little town with great +ceremony as a young dramatic student, whom he hoped to secure for his +own stage. Meantime, one bottle of doubtful red wine followed another, +and while I took a very moderate share I marveled at the celerity with +which the great actor emptied one glass after another at a single +draught, without the slightest flush appearing on his face. During all +this time his stories of various events in his theatrical career seemed +inexhaustible, and his frank delight in his own genius sparkled so +innocently in his eyes, that it was impossible to feel vexed with him +or avoid listening with a certain interest to his marvelous anecdotes, +as one would to the tales of the "Arabian Nights." + +At last the regular guests had all dispersed, even Laban had departed, +but the great actor still detained me and made a sign to the sleepy +waiter, upon which he instantly set a bottle of champagne upon the +table. "It's no-use, cousin," he said, in a sonorous bass voice, which, +it is true, now sounded a little husky; "we have a solemn act to +perform. I have vowed not to go to bed until I have drunk to a pledge +of fraternity with you in foaming sack. Come and pledge me! You are a +fine fellow, only you haven't yet found it out yourself. When you have +been in my company a few weeks, you will strip off the chrysalis and +wonder at yourself as your wings bear you from flower to flower. Even +if you often fly too near a light and scorch yourself a little, that is +better than your pastoral tepidity. Your health, my heart's brother! +Let us drink eternal friendship!" + +Spite of my intense reluctance, I could not avoid his cordial embrace. +Then he grew quieter, and, with apparent business-like gravity, began +to discuss the capacity in which I was to enter his company. He spoke +of new pieces its members were to study, the revision of older ones, +for which he himself lacked time, and finally of his plan for including +light operas in his repertory, for which he could not dispense with a +conductor. + +I listened without protesting, save by interjections and shrugs of the +shoulders. Meantime, he emptied the bottle almost alone and called for +a second, but I rose and resolutely declared I was going home. + +"A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" he cried, staggering to his feet. +"Virtue exists no more!" Then followed a torrent of classical +quotations in a voice that made the windows rattle. Yet his gait was so +unsteady that I hastily sprang forward to support him. When we were in +the dark street, he passed his arm around my shoulders and tottered +along the road like a blind man. "Say nothing to her about it, +brother," he stammered, "nothing about the champagne. She hates +champagne, though in other respects she's a good wife; it's pure +jealousy, ha! ha! She thinks my heart belongs to the Widow Clicquot--a +worthy dame, in truth, who never reads me a curtain-lecture, but +her purse must be filled with gold if we want to win her favor, ha! +ha!--and the father of a family, you know. Never get married, brother! +'Long hair, short wits,'" and he began to sing the champagne aria in +the midst of the death-like silence of the Goose-Market. + +When, with some difficulty, I at last succeeded in getting him up the +stairs to his lodgings, he became as still as a mouse, and trembled +from head to foot. "Don't tell her!" were the last words he whispered. +Then, forcing himself to stand erect, he gently opened the door. + +"Good-evening, my angel," he stammered, and was going up to her to +embrace her. She silently rose and looked at him with a sorrowful gaze, +which suddenly seemed to sober him. "Well, well," he said, "it's hardly +one o'clock--we don't act to-morrow--I've done a good business, too, +haven't I, cousin? He'll stay with us, sweetheart; I've engaged him as +dramatist and conductor, at a monthly salary of twelve thalers for the +present--that will please you, I think. But now good-night, cousin! I'm +perfectly sober, only I couldn't tell the town how one becomes +President. So I'm going to take a long sleep, for the torture of the +day was great." + +Amid all the confusion of his brain, he still retained sufficient +chivalrous courtesy to take his wife's hand and kiss it. Then he +staggered through the side door into the sleeping-room, and we could +hear him fall on the bed without undressing. + +I cast a hasty glance at his wife, who stood gazing into vacancy. + +"Good-night, Frau Luise," I said. "You will see me again to-morrow." + +"To-morrow?" + +"Certainly. To-morrow, and every day until you yourself send me away. +Perhaps I may yet make myself useful here--though not as conductor." + + + * * * * * + + +After that night I no longer led my own life. + +My existence seemed only valuable when I made myself a slave, soul and +body, in Frau Luise's service, coming to her aid wherever her own grand +and lofty strength failed. + +In reality I was making no sacrifice by this self-abnegation. For, +as I have already confessed, my own aims and purposes had vanished, +as a light on which a nocturnal traveler depends suddenly proves a +will-o'-the-wisp, and flickers into a marsh mist. I felt averse rather +than inclined to enter a pulpit, and I had not sufficient love or +talent for any art or science to induce me to devote my life to it. +Clearly, as though written on the wall by some spectral hand, the +sentence stood before me: "You are a mediocre man from whom the world +has nothing to hope in the way of happiness or enlightenment. Rejoice +if some good human being can warm his hands by your little flame." + +I also perceived the correctness of my opinion by the fact that this +discovery, instead of wounding me, created a sense of peace I had +hitherto lacked. Rarely have I awaked in a mood so joyous, feeling as +it were new-born, as on the morning after I had placed myself at the +service of this noble woman. And the difficulties in regard to my +former occupation which still embarrassed me were to be dispelled in +the simplest way. + +With my breakfast a letter was brought in, which had been forwarded +from the estate I had left, as I had said I should remain in this place +for several days. A former fellow-student, a very admirable and +intelligent man, wrote that some weakness of the throat compelled him +to give up his profession as a preacher. Until he could determine how +to shape his future life, he desired to seek a position as tutor in a +family, and begged me to aid him as far as possible. I instantly wrote +to my employer, informing him that I could not return to his house for +reasons which at present I could disclose to no one, but which he would +certainly approve if I could ever confide the whole truth to him. At +the same time I proposed in my place the college friend, for whose +character and education I could amply vouch. + +I took leave of him and his whole family, who had become so dear to me, +and requested him to send my property to me except the books, which I +would leave for the present in my successor's care. Then I wrote a few +cordial lines to my friend the pastor. As I added the farewell message +to his dear daughters, the sorrowful face of the eldest again appeared +before me in the most vivid hues, and her earnest eyes seemed to say: +"You do not know what happiness you are losing." + +But I was proof against any temptation to return. + +Early that very morning I hurried to Herr Spielberg's rooms. He +received me in a Turkish dressing-gown, with his brightest face, and, +when I inquired how he had slept, answered, laughing: "You probably +expected to find me a quiet fellow, cousin. But you must know that +champagne and I are on the best of terms. When we do fall out, however, +champagne always gets the worst of it; or to quote Julius Cæsar: + + 'We were two lions litter'd in one day, + And I the elder and more terrible.' + +"But, good-morning. I hope you haven't slept off overnight what we +arranged yesterday. How much salary did I promise you? I don't +remember. But I won't play the rogue to you at any rate." + +I told him that I would remain only on two conditions: first, that I +should have entire liberty to do nothing except what I felt competent +to accomplish; and secondly, that there should never be any question of +wages. I had saved enough, during my three years as a tutor, to live +without earning anything for a time. + +He made no reply, only shook his ambrosial locks thoughtfully and +struck my shoulder with his hand, like a prince accepting the homage +and service of a vassal. Then he called his wife, who was in the +adjoining room, dressing the boy. + +She entered with her usual calm expression and, avoiding my eyes, held +out her hand. The boy ran to me and threw his arms around my neck. +"What do you say, dear," cried the artist, "he has really determined to +stay. Of course, it is solely on your account, for he would not throw +up his profession for my sake. Well, I hope you will treat him kindly. + + 'This lad--no angel is from sin more free, + Craving thy favor, I commend to thee.'" + +With these words he rose, smiling, leaving me to decide whether the +quotation referred to my character of Fridolin, or to Joachimchen, who +expressed great delight on hearing that Uncle Johannes would take him +to walk immediately. + +After her husband had left the room, Luise came to me and said in a low +tone: "I can not approve your decision, Johannes. But I am so weary +that I have not the strength to combat it." + + + * * * * * + + +I shall avoid giving a minute description of the time that now +followed. No one can feel disposed to pursue the destinies of such a +strolling company, the alternations of good and evil fortune, or the +coming and going of its members, in greater detail--nay, even for +theatrical history the list of its plays would have no value, as it was +not at all regulated by the spirit of the time, nor even by the +fashion, but patched together from new stock and shabby rubbish, as +chance and the difficulties of stage-setting permitted. + +During the first few months the enterprise remained in about the same +stage of prosperity as I had found it. Then, by the withdrawal of the +Selmars and their charming daughter, it fell several degrees, soon rose +again by advantageous engagements, and then declined in consequence of +our worthy stage-manager's being made helpless for months by a fall +from a high scaffold. These fluctuations corresponded with the ebb and +flow in the cash-box, and, but for the wise economy of the manager's +wife, there would often have been a failure in the payment of salaries. +But the name of Spielberg always possessed sufficient attraction to +fill the house tolerably well, and make amends for the recreant +members. The most faithful were those from whom I should have least +expected loyalty--Laban, who, with all his apparent frivolity and +jesting, felt a sincere and warm reverence for Frau Luise, and the +young couple, whose stay, it is true, was due to less honorable traits +of character. + +How they were to regard me, and in what manner my position as dramatic +"maid of all-work" was to be interpreted, at first caused them much +perplexity. They soon learned that I was not working for money. My sole +pecuniary profit consisted in my paying no board, as Frau Luise would +not permit any other arrangement, and occasionally, when lodgings for +all could be hired, I was not allowed to pay for my sleeping-room. In +return, I made myself as useful as I could, coached green beginners in +their parts, sometimes stood at the side-scenes or crouched in a +subterranean box with the prompter's book in my hand, copied parts, +arranged plays so that ten characters could be compressed into six, and +only drew the line of my services at the one point of obstinately +refusing to undertake to act any part, no matter how trivial. + +At first they attributed this to arrogance, of which, spite of his +unassuming helpfulness, they credited the "doctor" with a large share. +But, after I had once told them that I cherished too lofty an idea of +art to sin against it by bungling work, I rose no little in their +esteem, and even Spielberg, who never ceased saying that I was a genius +in disguise, let me alone. + +The suspicion that I was following the company as a secretly favored +admirer of the manager's unpopular wife had of course at first +suggested itself, even to the better natures among them. But the calm +irony with which the great artist crushed all allusions to such a +relation did not fail to produce its effect, as well as the perfectly +unembarrassed demeanor of the suspected woman herself, and my own +Fridolin countenance, which expressed anything rather than the secret +triumph of a favored lover. + +And, indeed, I was not on a bed of roses. + +Not to mention that I was forced to purchase the happiness of being +daily in her society, and making myself indispensable to her by a +hundred little services, at the cost of witnessing her suffering, +which, it is true, she bore like a heroine, but which nevertheless +constantly consumed her strength and youth--it was a most painful thing +to be compelled to witness her husband's steady progress toward the +ruin to which the unfortunate man opposed less and less resistance. At +first I had endeavored not to lose sight of him after the play was +over, striving--in the outset with mild, afterwards with the most +earnest remonstrances--to recall him from his fatal passion. As he had +a gentle, yielding nature, I succeeded several times in doing so. But +Daniel, who with fiendish cold-bloodedness played the part of his evil +genius, soon made him disloyal to his best resolves and vows, so, at +the end of a few weeks, I was forced to let the evil pursue its course. + +For a time the leonine constitution of which he boasted resisted the +effects of his nocturnal debauches, at least so far that no traces of +them were visible the following morning. Then, in the consciousness +that he stood in need of forgiveness, he was courteous and affectionate +throughout the day, like a little boy who fears punishment, and paid +his wife all sorts of charming little attentions. + +But as his weakness gained more and more control, and his nervous +strength began to fail, he no longer took any trouble to deceive us +about his condition, and instead of showing repentance and +embarrassment, after spending half the day in bed suffering from the +effects of his intoxication, he tried to conceal his evil conscience +under an air of boastful defiance, and bluntly declared that genius +required great stimulants, and need not be restrained by Philistine +rules. + +Of course, with such irregularities, which soon became the rule, no +firm, careful management of the company was possible. By degrees all +business cares and responsibilities were shifted to my insignificant +self. It was enough if the sick lion crawled out of his den an hour +before the performance, rolled his bloodshot eyes in front of the +mirror, and then made his somewhat husky but all the more tragic voice +resound through the theater till the puzzled spectators left the house +with the acknowledgment that he had "roared well" again, and no one +could easily outdo him in shaking his mane. + +Nevertheless, in this disorder, the company lost its power of +attraction more and more, and were obliged to change from place to +place more frequently, and these numerous journeys increased the +expenses and demoralized the members. I did what I could to stay the +ruin, and, besides a silent clasp of the hand from the woman I loved, I +was rewarded by the confidence and devotion of most of my colleagues. +Only two, who watched the mischief with quiet malice, showed me their +aversion more openly, the more honestly I tried to save the tottering +car of Thespis from breaking down. + +These two, of course, were Daniel and Victorine. + +For a long time the cause of their evident dislike was a mystery to me. +For the insolent young fiend could not long suppose that he had been +supplanted in the favor of the object of his secret worship by the +faithful squire, and his publicly-acknowledged sweetheart, disagreeable +as she was to me, I treated with the utmost courtesy. The real purpose +of both, and the reason I stood in their way, did not dawn on me until +afterward. + +Daniel's passion for the pure and proud woman was of the nature of +those feelings with which fallen angels survey their former heavenly +companions. He could not forgive her being so unapproachably far above +him. To drag her down, gloat over her humiliation, take vengeance for +the coldness with which she passed his hellish ardor by--this was the +diabolical idea that haunted him day and night. He well knew it was +madness to hope for its attainment so long as our wandering life +pursued its usual course. But, if everything were thrown into +confusion, the husband utterly ruined, the wife overwhelmed by poverty +and despair, he relied on conquering the helpless woman, and, with +Satanic energy, grasping her when mentally broken down as his sure +prey. Whoever strove to check this development of the tragedy he could +not fail to hate. + +He had such power over Victorine that she shared this mood--though the +infernal plot affected her too. Besides, I had made her forever my foe +by remaining wholly indifferent to her charms. I will pass over the +proofs I might bring forward, not because I am ashamed of my _rôle_ of +Joseph, but, even without this, I shall have occasion to speak of +myself more than is agreeable to me. + + + * * * * * + + +I should have led no enviable existence, had not Heaven itself provided +some consolation and strengthened my heart. + +Whenever we settled for a few months in one of the larger cities, I +always obtained a piano, which was placed in Frau Luise's room, or, if +there was no space there, in the dining-room--she still maintained the +rule of having the meals in common, though the Round Table constantly +dwindled--and here we passed our only hours of pure, unshadowed +happiness. For, when she sang and I accompanied her, the narrow walls +seemed to expand, the earth, with everything base and unlovely it +contained, to sink beneath us, while we ourselves floated in a sunny +atmosphere where everything was harmony and peace, love and hope, and +every wound that bled secretly healed at once as though touched by the +hand of some enchanter. + +We did not permit ourselves this delight daily, only on Sundays and +when, for some reason, there was no acting. The boy, meantime, sat in a +little chair and never turned his eyes from his mother while she sang; +or I took him on my knee while I played the accompaniment, and he gazed +wonderingly at the keys. At last I began to give him a few lessons on +the piano, and was amazed to see how easily he understood everything. +Oh, that child! He became more and more the one unalloyed delight of my +life, for unmixed happiness in the society of his mother was impossible +for me. + +Afterward, during my long life as a teacher, I had an opportunity to +observe many hundred boys, and to this companionship I owe a thousand +pleasures. But neither before nor after did I ever meet a child like +Joachimchen. + +He was no prodigy in the usual acceptance of the word. No technical +talent, no intellectual gift developed with extraordinary power or +precocity, and, even in music--the only instruction I began in his +sixth year to give him regularly--he made no remarkable progress. +But the quality this young creature possessed to a far greater degree +than other children of his age, was the subtlety and accuracy of his +mental perceptions, by which he infallibly distinguished truth from +semblance--a, if I may so express it, moral clairvoyance which enabled +him to give the most striking opinions of persons and things without +any precocious conceit. No trace of child-like vanity, no desire for +praise, marred this innocent faculty of his soul. He was like a clear +mirror, which reflected in their real outlines the images of everything +that surrounded him. Any one whom he loved was sure to be pure and +good; for everything base and sordid, though it approached him under +the most flattering guise, instantly repelled him. + +Yes; there was a well-spring of cheerfulness in this little human being +which, in proportion to the delicacy of his physical condition, became +the more refreshing to him and those who best loved him. His thoughtful +views of the world, and the luster of the large eyes in the little +palid face, would have roused our anxiety, had not shouts of mirth +often issued from the narrow chest, while even in his quieter moments +there was no trace of sickly peevishness or weariness. The little +naughtinesses, almost invariably seen in an only child who is deeply +loved and spoiled, were foreign to his nature. A sign, a word would +guide him. It was only in the society of other children that I +frequently perceived a shade of reserve and fretfulness in his manner, +so I persuaded his mother not to force him into their companionship. On +the other hand, he was all the more vivacious, even to the verge of +ungovernable delight, when we took him out to walk. He chased all the +butterflies, made friends with all the little dogs he met, and, mounted +on a hobby-horse, galloped along, swinging his little riding-whip. +Everybody loved him, though he was very chary of his caresses. He was +shy only with his own father. + +Often at dinner--the only time he spent a whole hour with him--I saw +him fix a watchful gaze upon Spielberg, just when the latter in his +most radiant mood was pouring forth high-sounding speeches about art +and artists. The boy never uttered a word, though often, to the delight +of the others, he made one of his quaint, penetrating remarks to some +member of the company. Never, either to me or his mother, did he +mention his father's name. But the latter, whose face always beamed +with the consciousness that he was impressing every one, evidently +avoided meeting the child's eyes, and, when he felt their gaze on him, +became so confused that he often hesitated in the middle of a sentence +and lapsed into silence. I do not remember, during all the time that we +lived together, a single instance when he showed the boy any +tenderness, or troubled himself in the least about him. + + + * * * * * + + +I had agreed with Frau Luise that, on account of the child's delicate +constitution and sensitive nerves, he ought to be guarded from all +mental excitement, though he was now six years old, an age when +children usually begin to Study the alphabet and primers. To train him +in the use of his hands, I gave him easy lessons in drawing, which he +greatly enjoyed, let him practice daily half an hour on the piano, and +sing with his clear little voice intervals and simple songs. During our +walks I told him Bible stories, which, whatever may be thought of their +historical value, ought--as the most venerable traditions from the +earliest days of the Christian world--to be given every child for his +journey through life, as well as the fairy lore of our nation. + +Yet I was obliged to limit even this elementary instruction, because +the boy's unusually vivid imagination transformed everything which was +intended merely to serve for amusement into solid food for his mind. +For instance, he became as much excited over the history of Joseph and +his brothers as a grown person would have been by a novel. I directed +his thirst for knowledge exclusively to natural objects, so far as my +defective education in this department permitted, and everything seemed +to be going on admirably when a slight attack of fever roused our +anxiety. + +The company had settled in one of the larger cities on the shore of the +Baltic, where they were doing an excellent business. So the plan of +instantly departing, and perhaps breaking up the threatening disease by +a change of climate, could not be entertained. Besides, the physician, +whom the mother questioned, did not consider the case serious, +attributed all the symptoms to the child's rapid growth, and prescribed +a different diet and certain strengthening measures which seemed to +have a good effect. + +We had formerly divided the care and training of the boy in such a +way that he was never left a moment without his mother or myself. +Now she would not allow me to take her place except for an occasional +half-hour, and even at dinner remained in her room, while we were +served by Kunigunde. For a long time she had given up the sleeping-room +to her husband's sole use, and contented herself with an uncomfortable +couch made up every night on the sofa, while the child's little bed +stood close by her side. + +He could not be allowed to see the condition in which his father +usually returned at midnight. + +One morning she received me with an anxious face. Joachimchen was +reluctant to leave his bed, complained of headache, and did not want +his breakfast. The doctor, whom I instantly summoned, soothed her as +much as he was able. The fever had not increased, perhaps some childish +disease was coming on, which would produce a favorable change in his +whole physical condition. He prescribed some simple remedy, and we felt +a little relieved. + +He became no worse in the evening. But I had told Spielberg that I +could not perform my duties that night, and, as the play had been acted +hundreds of times, I really was not needed behind the scenes. + +When at ten o'clock I felt the pulse of the child, who was lying in an +uneasy slumber, I thought there was no occasion to fear a bad night, +and persuaded his mother to lie down in order to save her strength. I +would sit up a few hours longer, as I had some alterations to make in a +new play, which was then creating a sensation--I believe it was the +"Son of the Wilderness"--in order to adapt it to the scanty strength of +our company. + +My room in the private house where we had taken lodgings was on the +same floor as the manager's, and I could be summoned by the faintest +call. But for several hours everything remained quiet, and I was just +thinking that I might venture to go to bed when I heard the drunkard's +heavy footstep on the stairs. He had wished the sick child a good +night's rest, with evident sympathy, and even now seemed to remember +that he must enter softly. Nor did it surprise me that he did not go +directly to his own sleeping-room as usual, but gently raised the latch +of his wife's door. He wants to inquire how the boy has rested, I +thought. + +I had just closed my book and was preparing to retire for the night +when I heard the door of Frau Luise's room thrown open, Spielberg's +voice faltering unintelligible words, and shrill moans and cries for +help from the boy which sent a thrill of terror through every nerve. +But I had no time to reach my door, for at the same instant it was +flung wide open, and the unfortunate mother, clad only in the white +dressing-gown in which she was in the habit of lying down when +Joachimchen needed any special care, darted in, her face death-like in +its pallor, holding the wailing child in her arms. + +"Protect us! Save the child!" she cried, with a terrified gesture, and +as she rushed to my bed, drew back the curtains and hastily laid the +boy, whose slender frame was convulsed with sobs, on it, she whispered, +with a glance of intense fear: "He will follow us! Bolt the door! O, +God, this too!" + +She had thrown herself on her knees beside the bed, clasping her +darling's quivering form closely in her arms, pressing her lips to the +little pale face, and murmuring in confused words that he must be +quiet, nobody would hurt him or his mother, he had only been dreaming, +now he must go to sleep again, and his mother and Uncle Johannes would +stay with him all night. + +The child did not cease moaning, struggled into a sitting posture in +her arms, and cast an anxious glance around the room as if he feared a +pursuer. And in fact some one knocked at the door, but very timidly, +and, as none of us answered the request to open it, silence followed, +and we heard the steps retire and the door of Spielberg's room open and +close. + +But there was no improvement in the child's condition. He tossed +convulsively to and fro, his eyes rolled without any sign of +intelligence, and his face burned with fever. + +"I will get the doctor, Frau Luise," I said. "I hope it is only a +crisis." She made no reply, but gazed fixedly at the little one's +distorted features, and endeavored by her embrace to control the +convulsions that shook the slight frame. + +We found them still in the same state when I at last brought the +physician. + +The worthy man, who felt the most sincere reverence for the poor +mother, made every effort to conceal his alarm. When, after a few +hours, during which he had watched the very trivial success of his +remedies, he took his leave, promising to return early in the morning, +and I lighted him down the stairs, he pressed my hand with a heavy +sigh. "Poor woman!" he said. "The child does not suffer at all; it is +not conscious. But how the mother is to bear--" + +"So you have no hope--" + +"There is inflammation of the brain, more severe than I have often +witnessed. But nature is incalculable. Do you know how it happened that +his condition changed for the worse so suddenly?" + +I answered in the negative. It was not until long afterward that I +learned what had occurred in the brief interval between the father's +entrance and the mother's flight. + +Spielberg had returned home with a clearer head than usual. When he +entered his wife's room, she half arose from the sofa and laid her +finger on her lips. By the light of the dim night-lamp he approached +the child's bed, softly touched the little sleeping face, gazed at it a +short time, and then turned to his wife, whispering: "He is doing +admirably." She merely nodded, and when, in an impulse of his old +tenderness and sympathy with her anxiety, he held out his hand, she +kindly returned the clasp. He sat down on the edge of the bed and told +her in a low tone that the play had been much applauded and the +receipts large. When she asked him to go to rest, as talking might +disturb the child, he answered that he was not tired, but felt inclined +to have a short chat with his beloved wife. When she shook her head, he +moved nearer, and, putting his arm around her, begged her to go into +the next room with him for a little while. It was so long since they +had had a confidential talk, and there was rarely time for one during +the day. The more he urged, the more firmly she declined, till he +finally threw both arms around her and whispered: "If you don't come +voluntarily, I will use force! You are my wife!" + +Then, as she resisted with desperate strength, he fairly lifted her up +and was carrying her away, when a shriek from the child's bed suddenly +made him loose his hold. The boy was sitting up, staring with dilated +eyes at the nocturnal scene, and stretching out his little arms as if +to aid his defenseless mother. The next instant he had sprung from the +bed, climbed on the sofa by his mother's side, and, thrusting his +father away with his little clinched hands, screamed: "You sha'n't kill +my mother! Go away! You sha'n't hurt her!--" till, exhausted by terror, +the chivalrous child succumbed to a severe attack of fever. + + + * * * * * + + +The boy lay in the same condition all night, without a single interval +of consciousness. We had not removed him to his own little bed; my +room, situated at the end of the corridor, was quieter than his +mother's. Neither of us left him. His father had come in early in +the morning, but, as he found the child apparently calm and received +only curt answers from his wife, who did not vouchsafe him a single +glance, he soon went away again. For the first time his unshadowed +self-complacency had deserted him. He hung his head like an unjustly +accused criminal before the judge, whom he can not hope to convince of +his innocence. + +The physician had returned very early. He uttered no word of +discouragement, but his troubled face, after he had examined the child, +so oppressed my heart that I could not even venture to ask a question. +But when I went out with him he pressed my hand, whispering: "If he +survives the night--but we must be prepared for everything." + +The actors, who were all very fond of the little fellow, stole to the +door, tapped gently, and asked me for news of him. The only one who +entered the room was Daniel. He bowed silently to Frau Luise, and then +stood a long time at the foot of the bed; but, after a hasty glance at +the little invalid, he fixed his glowing dark eyes on the mother, who, +still robed just as she had fled to me yesterday, sat beside the child, +now hovering between life and death. At first she took no more notice +of the intruder than of anything else that was passing around her. +Suddenly she seemed to feel his scorching gaze, and looked up; the +blood crimsoned her pale cheeks, and she flashed a single glance at the +man she so detested. His head sank, as if he had been struck by an +arrow, and he glided on tiptoe out of the room. + +Victorine alone did not appear. She had never showed any affection for +the child, and, besides, was to have a benefit that night, for which +she wished to freshen her costume by many little devices. + +No one thought of dinner. Kunigunde brought Frau Luise some food, which +she did not touch. I myself hastily swallowed a few mouthfuls in the +kitchen. Spielberg, who after the rehearsal had again inquired for the +child, went to the hotel with the others. + +So the evening approached. The boy's condition remained unchanged, +except that the fever increased, and every remedy used seemed +powerless. After a bath, however, which the doctor himself helped to +give, he seemed somewhat quieter, and lay still and pale in my large +bed, the dear little face only occasionally distorted by a slight +convulsive quiver. + +The father entered in street dress. For the first time his wife looked +at him, and her lips parted in a question--her voice sounded hoarse and +hollow after her long silence. + +"Are you going to act to-night, Konstantin?" + +He went up to the child and touched its pale forehead. + +"He is better. His forehead is perfectly cool. I will come back as soon +as the play is over." + +"He is _not_ better. If, meanwhile--" + +She could not finish the sentence. + +He looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and turned away to hide the +tears the unhappy mother's voice brought into my eyes. + +"If I could be of any assistance here," he said, hesitatingly; "it +costs me a hard struggle to leave you, but you will find that the night +will pass quietly, and to-morrow we shall be relieved of all anxiety." + +"To-morrow!" she repeated, dully. "You are right; to-morrow we shall be +relieved of all anxiety." + +Turning abruptly away, she bowed her face on the pillow of the little +boy, whose chest was beginning to heave painfully. + +The artist had already gone to the door, but stopped, saying: "Since +you prefer it, I will give up the performance. I am so agitated that it +would be a poor piece of acting; and then--if he is really--no, it is +better so. They must do as well as they can. Farewell!" + +I felt how deeply each one of these careless words wounded her. But no +sound or look betrayed that she was conscious of anything save her +maternal anxiety. + +Yet--when, half an hour later, a boy brought a note in which was +scrawled in pencil, "I had entirely forgotten that it is Victorine's +benefit. Unfortunately, it has been impossible for me to induce her to +give me up, and, besides, we have a very crowded house. Let us bear the +inevitable with dignity. Konstantin"--I saw by the gesture of loathing +with which she crushed the sheet and flung it into the corner, that the +wife possessed a vulnerable spot as well as the mother. + +Still she uttered no word of comment, and the next moment seemed to +have entirely forgotten it. + +For the brief armistice produced by the bath had expired. The last +struggle began. It lasted only a few hours, then all was over. The +brave little heart had ceased to beat. + +The mother sat like a statue of despair beside the bed, holding the +little white hand, which no current of blood would ever again warm, and +gazing fixedly at the closed eyelids and livid mouth distorted by pain +that would never more utter any merry words. It was as still around us +as though the night was holding its breath, in order not to rouse the +mother's agonized heart from its beneficent stupor. I had thrown myself +into a chair in a dark corner, and felt as though I were sinking deeper +and deeper into the bottomless abyss of the vast enigma of the world. + +From time to time I was forced to struggle with the temptation to rise, +go to the poor woman, fall on my knees before her, and plead: "Keep +your heart firm that it may not break. If you follow him into the +grave, I shall perish too." + +But I conquered this selfish impulse. What mattered what happened to +me! What mattered anything, since this child no longer breathed! + +The window stood open, the still night air--it was early in June--stole +into the room, but, as the house stood in a quiet side street, rarely +bore with it the sound of a human voice or a passing footstep. The play +must be over, and, with silent indignation, I expected to see the +artist return home to-night in the same condition as yesterday. But I +had done him injustice. + +His footstep echoed from the street below as firm and full of stately +majesty as when he trod the boards in his most exalted characters. +Beside it was another, which I should instantly have recognized as +Daniel's elastic tread, even had not his voice been audible also. The +words were unintelligible. But he must have been telling some amusing +story, for his companion's resonant laugh interrupted him several +times. They did not cease talking till they reached the door of the +house. + +His wife started at the sound of the laugh, and rose. The little +lifeless hand slipped from her clasp. She passed her other hand over +her brow and her lips moved, but I did not understand what she was +saying, and I only saw that her eyes were sullenly fixed on the floor. + +Her husband entered softly. "O, God!" he exclaimed, as he glanced at +the bed. "It is over!" He pondered a moment to find something to say to +his wife, then with a deep groan went to the boy and was about to bend +over him. But he started back as the mother suddenly stood before him, +with her tall figure drawn up to its full height. + +"You shall not touch him," she said, in a harsh, hollow tone. "Go, at +once--we have nothing more in common with each other. May God forgive +you for what you have done! Go, go!" she repeated, in a louder tone, +as he made a gesture of entreaty--"I will not bear one word from +you--here--by this bed--in this hour--" + +"Luise!" he exclaimed wildly. + +"Hush!" she replied sharply, "I pity us both, you as well as myself. I +know you do what you cannot avoid. But go, go! Something is rising in +my soul--something terrible. If I should see you before me longer, +poor--comedian, I might utter words I should repent to-morrow." + +Spielberg tottered out of the room. But, as soon as he had closed the +door behind him, his wife sank down beside the couch of her dead child, +and a convulsive sob burst from her sorrow-laden heart. + + + * * * * * + + +(Here in the manuscript follow several pages, in which a detailed +account is given of everything that happened during the next few days. +After so many years, every little circumstance was still present to the +narrator, and his grief for the boy, his sympathetic insight into the +soul of the hapless mother, burst forth with such renewed strength that +he felt a sorrowful relief in again conjuring up, incident by incident, +these melancholy recollections. But we will not take up the thread +again until after the earth has closed over the little coffin, which +was wholly concealed under the garlands bestowed by the actors and some +kind people among the inhabitants of the little town. The mother, who +could not be prevented from walking in the funeral procession, had +watched with tearless eyes, as if they were "burned out," her "entire +happiness" placed in the grave--the father had displayed a pathetic +emotion, whose extravagance touched no one. The next evening a comedy +was again played, and the great artist did not miss a word of his +part.) + + + * * * * * + + +The fortunate star of the renowned company of artists seemed to have +vanished when the child's eyes closed. + +The audiences at the theater daily diminished, two of the most useful +and indispensable members broke their contract and left the manager +in great embarrassment, he himself, after having exerted some little +self-control during the first period of mourning, plunged still more +madly into his nocturnal carouses, and, when I earnestly remonstrated, +asserted with tragic affectation that he had no other means of drowning +his grief. Recently he had even smuggled a bottle of strong liquor into +the dressing-room, contrary to his own rule, prohibiting the use of +wine or spirituous drinks of any kind during the performances. So it +happened that he sometimes declaimed his lines with a stammering +tongue, and lost the last remnant of his authority over his company and +effect upon the public. + +I watched the increasing trouble with deep anxiety; but the mute +abstraction in which the unhappy wife passed her days tortured me still +more. At last I ventured to speak to her on the subject, and it seemed +as though she had only been in an apparent death-trance, which was +broken by the first tender word, the first touch of a friend's hand. + +"I thank you, Johannes," she said, and for the first time her dull eyes +grew wet with tears. "You are right, I must try to control my grief. It +is not death which has clutched me in his bony arms and stifled every +breath. Life, dear friend, is far more cruel; I cannot break the chains +and bonds in which it has fettered me. But even a convict who drags an +iron ball by a chain must perform his task. It was cowardly and +childish to neglect my daily duties. Only have a little patience with +me; I will hold up my head again." + +From that moment she resumed all her duties to the company, managed the +money matters, kept an eye, with Kunigunde's assistance, on the +wardrobe, sent the members word that she would again provide the +dinner, and only shrank from one thing--occasionally attending a +rehearsal as usual. + +She again treated every one pleasantly, but never spoke a word to her +husband except when he addressed her. Her misfortune had drawn the +members of the company nearer to her; the women, especially, showed her +many little attentions, except Victorine, who held aloof as before, and +no longer even appeared at the Round Table. + +But, when darkness came, she always went to the graveyard and remained +there an hour alone, declining even my companionship with a silent +shake of the head. But we met each other several other times when she +was returning home, and walked silently side by side, absorbed in the +same thoughts, which needed no utterance. I only remember that I once +asked her how she could reconcile this pitiless blow with God's +fatherly kindness. She stopped and, raising her tearful eyes to heaven, +answered: + +"Never for one moment have I doubted him. Spite of all the burdens that +weighed upon me, I was the most blessed among women, and God is wise +and just. He lets the tree of no earthly happiness grow into heaven. +But, for the very reason that he took the child from me, I know that he +has not deserted me. If he had left him to me, and he had some day seen +with his innocent eyes the ugly world around us as it really is, and +been permitted only the choice between scorning it or becoming akin to +it, who knows what he would have decided, and either course would have +made both him and me wretched. Now I have buried him here in my heart, +in all his purity and loveliness, and may love him forever, far better +and more fervently than when I still clasped him in my arms. And, +though this love is full of sorrow, neither time nor fate has any power +over it, and for this I thank God, whom I always know near to me when I +go down into the depths of my own heart and feel the dear child living +on there." + +What answer could I have made? My whole philosophy became pitiful and +humble before the pious trust of this strong soul. She received the +news calmly, when one day at table her husband said that they would be +obliged to change their residence. The receipts were miserably poor, +and he had had an invitation from the magistrates of the next town on +the coast to give a series of plays, lasting several weeks. + +As he spoke, he cast a side-glance at his wife, as though fearing she +would object to leave the place where her child lay buried. He had long +since fallen into the habit of discussing no subjects, when alone with +her, except those required by absolute necessity. + +To his surprise she simply assented. Even, when, three days after, we +departed and I drove through the gate in the same carriage with her and +the worthy lady whose young daughter played the _ingénues_, while +Spielberg, with Daniel and Victorine, formed the rear-guard, she had +strength enough to give no sign of the emotions which must have +assailed her in parting from the little grave. + +But the hopes with which we had struck our tents were not to be +realized. Just at that time a panic occurred in commercial circles that +made itself felt in the seaport no less than in the large North German +commercial towns. People kept their pockets buttoned, and even the +renowned artist could not open them. + +He became so irritated by this state of affairs that, to punish the +ingratitude of the age, he intentionally hid the light of his art under +a bushel, and played his parts with such haughty negligence that even +the few patrons of the theater, who had known his reputation, shook +their heads, and transferred their favor to the less famous members +of the company. Victorine was the admiration of the young merchants; +the _ingénue_ previously mentioned turned the heads of the older +school-boys; Daniel, whose acting, even when most negligent, always had +its interesting moments, found favor with the critics in the two local +papers--yet, nevertheless, the receipts were so small that the company +would have been compelled to disband had not Frau Luise's wise economy +provided a reserve fund for such contingencies. She paid the salaries +as regularly as ever, and kept the wardrobes and other requisites in +decent order, without receiving any special thanks from any one. + + + * * * * * + + +I myself was entirely out of funds. Two and a half years of this +wandering life had devoured my savings, I could scarcely be seen in my +shabby clothes, and, though protected from any anxiety about food, had +not even the small amount of pocket money required for trifling wants, +so that I was sometimes seized by a mood of despairing melancholy, and +should undoubtedly have been up and away some day had I not known how +indispensable I had become. If I left the company, everything must +go to ruin. I could tell myself, without vanity, that the breach of +my--unwritten--contract would be equivalent to fracturing an axle in +the car of Thespis. + +Moreover, was I not bound body and soul to this woman, considering +myself transcendently rewarded if she held out her large, firm hand to +me in the evening and said, "Good-night, dear friend!" + +Still, these miserable circumstances oppressed me more and more, and +one day, when I met in the street a college friend who meanwhile had +had a prosperous career, and while on a business journey had come to +our Pomeranian coast, I bore his look of compassionate surprise with a +bitter laugh, and willingly accepted his invitation to share a bottle +of wine with him that evening at his hotel and make a general +confession. + +I had made no confession for years, and it was months since a drop of +wine had moistened my lips. So only a single glass was needed to lure +from me an unreserved acknowledgment of my wretched plight. + +There was but one thing I carefully concealed--the strongest chain that +bound me to this miserable existence, my mad, hopeless love for this +woman. Yet, had the hand of a god suddenly aided me to tear myself +free, what could I have done with my liberty? To what occupation in +civil life should I have found the door open, I, a runaway Candidate of +theology, who had not disdained to play the part of factotum to a +company of traveling actors for two years and a half. + +So when, toward eleven o'clock, I took leave of my former comrade, we +were no wiser concerning my future, and what I had to hope and fear +from it, than in the beginning. + +He had told me, with a shake of the head, that there must be some love +affair in the matter, and correctly understood my shrug of the +shoulders. But, as he had been to the theater the night before, he +seemed undecided between Victorine and the young _ingénue_. + +"Let me sleep over the affair," he said at last, as he went out into +the hall with me--we had had our wine in his chamber, as there was +much noise and confusion in the public room below--"I sha'n't see you +to-morrow, because I must leave very early, but I will write as soon as +a good idea occurs to me." + +I pressed his hand and thoughtfully descended the stairs. In going up, +two hours before, I had seen in the public room below Luise's husband +and several actors, among them Daniel, who was inseparable from the +manager. Meantime, eleven o'clock had come, but they had not yet +separated, and I wished at any cost to avoid meeting them. But, just as +I was stealing softly past the door, it was thrown open, and my friend, +tall Herr Laban, staggered out, supported by one of the younger actors. +Both were in the gayest humor. "Look there, look there, Timotheus!" he +shouted, laughing. "Where the deuce hast thou been hiding"--he always +used 'thou' to me--"while we have been seeing the most capital farce +played here? You have missed a great deal, I can tell you, Doctor; and, +in not saying good-night to your traveling friend over our heads, you +have stood very much in your own light. Isn't that so, Juvenil?" + +The young man laughingly agreed that it had been a splendid joke--no +comedy of errors had ever amused him so much. + +I tried to pass on with some careless remark, but Laban seized my arm +and, while we helped him down the last steps, began to tell me the +story in his comical way. + +They had drunk several glasses when Daniel began to boast of his talent +for imitating living persons, and instantly gave several proofs of this +ability by copying the voice and gestures of the landlord and some of +the regular guests, to the delight of the whole company. Spielberg +alone had sat in his heroic grandeur, looking on with an air of +contemptuous dignity, and finally remarked that such monkey tricks, +which dazzled the public, were easy, and besides found their limits in +certain figures whose majesty rendered them, as it were, unapproachable +for mimicry. Did he include himself among them? the insolent fellow +asked, and, when the great man nodded silently, he laid a wager that he +would personate him so exactly that he would hardly know whether it was +himself or his double. They ordered a bottle of champagne, and then +Daniel led the manager into the next room. After a short time the door +opened again, and Spielberg strode in. Everybody asked whether Daniel +was not ready or had given up his wager. "That young man promises much, +and does nothing save to make fools of honest Thebans," was the reply, +after which he approached the table with his stately walk, shook the +bottle in the ice and exclaimed: "A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" +Then they first discovered that it was Daniel, and not the great actor +himself, and even then it was only the little hand he owes to his +Polish blood that betrayed him. But, just as there was a general burst +of applause and laughter, the door again opened and a second Daniel +appeared, in a gray summer suit and Polish cap, with his cat-like tread +and feminine movement of the hips, so that the uproar and clapping of +hands grew louder than ever--for nobody had ever imagined the manager +possessed such a talent. This, however, was merely the beginning of the +farce. Each continued to play the character of the other: Daniel in the +belaced velvet coat, with straw hat pulled over his forehead, toasted +his image, amid constant quotations uttered in his resonant voice, and +Spielberg, with all the Harlequin tricks the other was in the habit of +using on the stage, never let the laughers stop to take breath, so that +each of the two had won and lost the wager. But, when they had broken +the neck of the second bottle, Daniel suddenly became silent, went to +Spielberg, and whispered something which made the manager look puzzled. +But his double seized his arm and led him out. When after a long time +they did not return, we asked for them, and the waiter said that after +whispering together for some time the two gentlemen had left the hotel +arm in arm. + +I do not know why I could not laugh at this amusing trick. But I +hastily took leave of the two actors, whose room was on the top floor +of the hotel, and, in a most uncomfortable mood, passed out into the +street just as the clock in the nearest church-steeple struck eleven. +Though I felt no inclination to sleep, a strange anxiety urged me +homeward, as if I were expected there. + +My way led through the street in which the other hotel stood. Here +Victorine and Daniel lodged. And just as I glanced at the door of the +house I saw the fellow--whom I easily recognized by his dress--ring the +bell and, directly after, with a greeting from the porter, cross the +threshold. But what thought occurred to me? Was that really Daniel--or +was it his double in his clothes? And, if it were the latter, what was +he doing in that house, where Victorine was now probably waiting for +the _other_? + +However, I had no time to ponder over this idea, for the question +suddenly darted through my brain: What has become of that other, the +false Spielberg? + +Suspecting some deviltry, some base trick, I rushed through the +deserted streets to the house where Frau Luise lived, and I, too, had +my modest room in the upper story. She was in the habit of sitting up +late with some piece of sewing or a book, usually alone, for faithful +Kunigunde closed her eyes at nine o'clock. As I hastily drew out my +night-key I noticed that the door, contrary to custom, stood half open. +I did not take time to shut it again, but, with trembling hands, +lighted the little pocket-lantern, which must illumine my way up the +dark stairs, and rushed on. But I had not yet reached the landing on +the first story when I heard Frau Luise's deep tones, and then saw her +facing her husband--no, his double, who, with his straw hat on his head +and his coat flung open, slowly retreated before her, his ardent dark +eyes fixed with an indescribable expression on her face. + +Frau Luise was holding a little lamp in her left hand, and had raised +her right threateningly against the scoundrel, her face, whose waxen +pallor usually formed a striking contrast to her mourning dress, was +flushed with the crimson hue of wrath, and her eyes shone with a +strange, supernatural luster. + +"You will leave this house at once and the city tomorrow," I heard her +say. "You are the most contemptible of human beings, and what you have +presumed to do merits a bloody chastisement. I am a woman, and must +leave it to my husband to avenge this insult as he deems best. But, if +you should ever have the effrontery to appear before my eyes again--" + +"Pardon me, madame," he interrupted--and, though he endeavored to +appear entirely nonchalant, I detected in his tremulous voice that he +did not feel entirely at ease while confronting this haughty figure--"I +beg a thousand pardons; I did not imagine you would take an innocent +jest so tragically, especially as your husband saw no offense in it. We +had laid a wager that I could personate him exactly. The final and +hardest test, of course, was whether his own wife would recognize me. +Well, at first you certainly believed me to be Herr Spielberg, and were +not undeceived until I took the liberty of embracing you--doubtless a +husband's kisses are less ardent than those of a lover, who for two +years has yearned to even once press his lips upon a mouth which never +had aught for him save contemptuous silence. Though I have lost my +wager, the kiss that betrayed me is abundant compensation, and so, +fairest of women, I have the honor--" + +He was not to have breath to finish the sentence. For, in a fury I had +never experienced before, I rushed upon the miscreant, seized him by +the chest, and, tearing off his hat with the other hand, shook him by +the hair till his sneering face wore an expression of mortal terror, as +I dragged him to the stairs and would have flung him down heels over +head, had he not by a sudden movement, lithe as a young panther, +escaped from my grasp, and, thrusting me aside, glided down the dark +stair-case, muttering an imprecation between his set teeth. + + + * * * * * + + +We heard him shut the door of the house and, in the fear of pursuit, +hurriedly lock it. Then, in the death-like stillness that again +prevailed, we looked into each other's eyes to see if it were possible +that we had actually experienced this, or whether some dream had +conjured up the same vision before both. I saw her tremble as if some +unclean beast had clutched her in its claws. A quiver of wrath and +loathing contracted her brow and lips. "I thank you, Johannes," she +said. "But excuse me, I must go in now and wash myself. O, Heaven! all +the perfumes of Arabia--but no, we can only be sullied by our own evil +thoughts. Do not you think so, too?" + +She turned away and carried the lamp back to her room again. I followed +her to the threshold. + +"Frau Luise," I asked, "will you let me shoot the rascal down like a +mad dog? Or do you consider him worthy to receive his punishment in an +honest duel?" + +"You must do nothing to him," she answered in a hollow tone. "If, +as I still hope, it is false that another person knew of this knavish +trick, it is that other's business to avenge the insult that was +offered to him even more than to me. To-morrow will decide this. It is +late now--you must leave me--I must wash my face and the hands that +touched the scoundrel, even to push him away." + +I shut the door, and sadly mounted the stairs to my room. + + + * * * * * + + +It was useless to think of sleeping. Not only because the detestable +scene I had just witnessed still hovered before my eyes, but because I +expected every moment that the other would return home, and wished to +be ready in case his wife should need my assistance. + +True, she was strong and brave enough to defend herself against any +insult or injury. But who could tell in what state of recklessness, +stung by his evil conscience, that "other" would confront her. + +At any rate he delayed long enough. The _rôle_ of double, which he +played so admirably, seemed to have found an appreciative audience in +the depraved girl for whom he was enacting it, or perhaps she had +entered into the deception with malicious satisfaction in order to +wound the noble woman she hated. + +I heard the clock strike the hours--midnight, one, two. Then, without +undressing, I threw myself on the bed and shut my burning eyes, but my +ears remained open and watchful. Scarcely half an hour had passed when +I heard a lagging step approach along the pavement below, and in an +instant again stood at my window. Yes, it was he. By the gray light of +the summer sky, I could distinguish the Polish cap, the loose coat, and +the white hands which hastily rummaged his pockets for the key of the +house door. But it was in the other suit of clothes, now worn by the +double. The criminal who had shut himself out of the peace of his own +home stood for a time gazing up at the windows, behind which he +doubtless saw the glimmer of the night-lamp. Ought you to go down, open +the door for him, and pour forth to his face all you think of him, all +the wrath you have so long pent up concerning his sins against this +woman, the tip of whose little finger he is unworthy to kiss? No, I +thought. Let him suffer for his sin. It is only a pity that this isn't +a winter night, and he is not obliged to stand barefoot in the snow +until broad daylight. + +He? He would have been likely to undertake such a penance! After twice +calling, in a tone of assumed piteousness, "Luise!" he took off his +cap, passed his hand over his waving locks, then pressed the little fur +cap low over his forehead, and turned defiantly to seek the place from +which some pitiful remnant of remorse had driven him. + +I uttered a sigh of relief, opened the window, and cooled my heated +face. At last I sought my couch, and toward morning really fell asleep. + +My slumber was so sound that I was first roused by a very loud knocking +at my door. When I opened it, Kunigunde was standing outside, and +requested me to come down to Frau Luise. "Has your master returned?" I +asked the faithful creature. + +"Of course. But not until nearly nine o'clock, when my mistress had +gone out to make some purchases. He seemed to know that she was not at +home, for he did not even ask for her, but shut himself up in her room +for a while, and then went away without leaving any message. But I saw +a letter lying on the table, which the mistress read as soon as she +came in, and then sent me up to you." + +The good old woman was evidently troubled, and, in spite of having gone +to rest so early, seemed to have heard enough of the nocturnal scene to +pity her honored mistress. + +When, following close at her heels, I entered Frau Luise's room, I +found her sitting on the sofa beside a table, with the letter lying +open before her. + +She nodded to me with an absent look, and said in an expressionless +tone: "Sit down and read this, Johannes; the end has come." + +I took the sheet and hastily glanced over it. The letter was not short, +and was written precisely in Spielberg's usual style, lofty, adorned +with rhetorical ornaments, interspersed here and there with a quotation +from Schiller. He saw that by yesterday's occurrence--of which, though +without any evil intent, he had been the cause--he had forfeited even +the last remnant of her love. So it would be better for him to go +voluntarily into exile, and not return until he could meet her with new +renown and in an assured position. True, what are the hopes, the wishes +on which man relies? But he trusted to his star. She would lose all +trace of him for a time, but he hoped he should afterward be able to +repay her for what she had suffered through him. He closed by thanking +her for her generous tolerance of his weaknesses. Genius was no easy +companion for a life-pilgrimage--and similar high-sounding words. + +In a postscript, he begged her to pardon him for having appropriated, +in order to execute his plan, the reserve fund she had so carefully +saved. He left in exchange, at her free disposal, the whole _fundus +instructus_, scenes, costumes, requisites, and theatrical library; she +might either sell them or continue the business. In the latter case, +Cousin Johannes would assist her. + +Then followed a pathetic farewell, another quotation, and the +signature, with an elaborate flourish: "Ever your own Konstantin." + +I probably looked like a person who, while eating raspberries, suddenly +bites a wasp. For, as I silently laid down the letter, she said +soothingly: "It has moved me very little. This must have happened +sooner or later, and it is fortunate that it came now. Believe me, I +feel perfectly calm, and am sincerely grateful to him for not having +sought a personal interview. I am like a person recovering from a +severe, insidious disease, a little weak, it is true, but I shall no +longer be terrified by the hideous visions with which the fever +tortured my brain." + +"What do you intend to do?" I asked at last. + +"My duty, so far as I can. True, I am as poor as a church-mouse. But +the others must not suffer." + +"Frau Luise," I said, "I know that you were formerly too proud to +summon your guardian to give an account of his management of your +property. But now, in such necessity--" + +She smiled bitterly. "Too proud? My dear friend, I should not have been +too proud even at that time to claim my rights. But, as you know, where +there is nothing, even the Emperor cannot assert his rights, far less a +poor Canoness who eloped with an actor. My uncle squandered the last +shilling of my mother's property. Would you have me turn him out of +house and home by appealing to the law? But let us say no more about +these detestable things. Fortunately I paid the members of the company +their monthly salary only a few days ago. As the business is now broken +up, they are in a pitiable plight, for where can they obtain a new +engagement in midsummer? So the _fundus instructus_ must be sold as +quickly and as profitably as possible, and meantime be pawned. You will +do me this one last favor, dear Johannes. I have another little plan, +too. Why do you look at me so wonderingly? Surely you did not suppose +that all this would find me unprepared. I have long expected something +of the sort. Weak as he is--but we will not speak of him." + +She now explained her intention of obtaining, by means of a concert in +the theater, a considerable sum for the benefit of the orphaned +company, which, bereft of the manager and "the others," could give no +more performances. By these "others" she meant Daniel and Victorine. +While out of doors she had met an actor, who excitedly asked whether +she knew that the couple had just gone on board an English merchant +vessel lying in the harbor. He did not say that the manager was with +them, but the wife did not doubt it for an instant, and therefore knew +what she should find when she returned to the house again. + +She would herself appear and sing at the concert, she continued. She +knew that there would be a full house, for her misfortune, of course, +was now in everybody's mouth, and, as she had always kept out of sight, +curiosity and perhaps a better feeling would urge many to see and hear +the woman who had led so strange a life, and must now reap what she had +sown. She did not fear the eyes of strangers. It was a misfortune that +her heart had prompted her to entrust her life to the keeping of one +who was unworthy, but neither a disgrace nor a crime. So she would +appear, with head erect, before a cold, malicious world, and not a note +would falter in her throat. + +She had not expected too much of her own powers. When she appeared on +the stage, in a plain black dress, with a little black veil wound +around her golden braids, and every eye in the densely-crowded house +was fixed upon her, I saw--I was sitting at the piano to play her +accompaniments--her face flush for a moment. But its natural hue +instantly returned, and she sang her aria from Orpheus, several +melodies from Iphigenia in Tauris, and Mignon's song composed by +Beethoven, with such power and simple beauty that it seemed as if the +tempests of life which had stirred the inmost depths of her soul had +only served to bring the flower of her art to still more superb +development. + +The effect was so profound and overwhelming that a storm of applause, +such as had never greeted even the finest scenes of the great actor, +shook the theater. + +She bowed modestly, with a sad smile that won every heart. When, in the +waiting-room, I congratulated her, her face clouded. "Hush," she +whispered hurriedly. "Would you tell the victim, about to be offered as +a sacrifice, that the garlands are becoming?" + +The other parts of the programme, two comic soliloquies by Laban, and +some of Schiller's ballads recited by our _ingénue_, were well +received. When I accompanied Frau Luise home, I held in the box under +my arm a very large sum received from the evening's entertainment. + +When we reached her room, I wished to give her the money. "No," she +replied, "henceforth you must be the treasurer. I shall make but one +stipulation--that you do not entirely forget yourself, but share +equally with the rest. With foolish generosity you have spent all your +savings in order to retain a laborious situation here, for which you +received neither thanks nor payment. What do you intend to do now?" + +"That will depend upon you, Frau Luise." + +Her eyes sought the floor, then, raising them to mine with an +indescribably tender glance, she said: + +"No, my friend, we part this very day, this very hour. You need have no +anxiety about me. I shall not pine away and die. You know that I am +very strong, or how could I have endured everything?--and, as I am no +longer a Canoness, I must not shrink from a little labor. But you must +try to return to the life from which your friendship for me has torn +you. Promise me that, after you have attended to the last details of +business here, you will go back to your old profession, if not as a +clergyman, as a teacher, or in some scholarly occupation. I will watch +your course from a distance. You will promise, will you not?" + +"Frau Luise," I stammered, "do you wish to banish me? Do you not +know--" + +"I know all, my friend; you need not add another word. And I also know +that I love you with all my heart, and therefore it is better for us to +part. A woman whose husband has vanished is not free to choose--surely +you understand that. And I will suffer no stain upon my name. You will +remain my friend, as I am yours. And to seal this, I will now, in +bidding you farewell, affectionately embrace you and give you a +sister's kiss. Your lips, my faithful friend, shall restore the purity +of mine, which yesterday were desecrated by a scoundrel." + +With these words, she embraced me, and for one brief, blissful moment +her warm lips pressed mine in a pure and tender caress. Then, with a +low "Farewell, my friend," she gently pushed me out of the door. + +The next morning, when I woke from sorrowful dreams, and was hurriedly +dressing, some one knocked at my door. Kunigunde entered and, with many +tears, told me that her mistress had driven away at dawn in a hired +carriage, telling nobody her destination, and leaving for me a farewell +and a little package. + +It was a sealed paper. When I opened it, out fell the gold chain on +which she used to wear around her neck the locket containing her +mother's picture. + + + + + III. + + +Several weeks have passed since I wrote the last lines. When I laid the +sheet in the portfolio--a music portfolio Frau Luise had left, and in +which I usually kept some of the airs from Glück's operas arranged for +the piano--I was startled by the bulk of the MS., and asked myself: +"Will any one have patience to read all this? And why should you add to +it?" + +Ah, if you were a professional author, and, instead of a truthful +narrative of the life of the woman so dear to you, could transform her +fate into a genuine romance, skillfully blending fact and fiction, or +if you at least possessed the gift of describing these experiences in +hues so fresh and vivid that no one could help finding her as charming +as she is to you! But you are only a clumsy, simple chronicler of +events, and the man for whom you intend these records will smile at the +_labor improbus_ you have bestowed on so superfluous a work and at your +innocent idea that you were thereby doing him a favor. + +Well, I then thought, even if you are only pleasing yourself by again +conjuring up your old joys and sorrows, what harm is there in that? He +can let the avalanche of MS. you hurl into his house roll quietly aside +with the others the mail brings to importune him. Who compels him to do +more than cast a compassionate glance at it? + +But, if he forgives the lonely man his volubility, and eats through +this biographical mountain, as Klas Avenstak ate through the hill of +pancakes, he must expect that I shall not defraud him of the end, +especially as the early close the gods decreed to Luise's life was +spiced with much that was sweet, to compensate for many bitter things +in her previous destiny. + +So I will summon courage to again take up my pen, endeavoring, however, +to be as brief as possible, especially in the incidents which concern +my insignificant self. + +Therefore I will say nothing of the state of mind in which I spent the +first few days after my friend's secret departure. Fortunately I had a +number of disagreeable affairs on my hands, was forced to attend to the +questions, complaints, business, and reproaches of the deserted company +of actors, undertake the distribution of the money and provide for the +sale of the _fundus_, which latter affair was settled more quickly and +profitably than I had feared. Frau Luise's destination was as little +known as the distant shore to which the great artist had shaped his +course. So I took a sorrowful leave of my colleagues, who, with the +exception of the three oldest members, Laban, Gottlieb Schönicke, and +the good prompter, who grieved sincerely for the vanished woman, seemed +to be tolerably consoled by the considerable sum that fell to the share +of each, and, as I was far too sad at heart and dull of brain to form +any sensible plan for the future, I sent my trunk to my native town, +strapped my knapsack on my back, and wandered through Pomerania and the +Mark to my old home. I believe that during those eight or ten days I +did not have one sensible thought, for the Orpheus aria constantly rang +in my ears: + + "Alas, I have lost her, + All my happiness is o'er!" + +It will be considered perfectly natural that the news of my return +excited no special rejoicing in the small provincial town, and no one +felt impelled to kill a fatted calf to do honor to the Prodigal Son. At +first I kept out of the way as much as possible, since wherever I +appeared I was stared at as though I were some wild animal just escaped +from a menagerie, or, still worse, shunned with evident fear of +contagion, being regarded as a dangerous sinner who, lured by the lust +of the world and the flesh, had exchanged the preacher's calling for a +dissipated vagabond life among jugglers and strollers. + +One old friend, however, who meantime had become principal of the +highest public school, treated me with his old cordiality, listened +sympathizingly to the account of my fate, and, as I was absolutely +penniless, offered me temporary shelter in an attic room in his little +house. Ere long, spite of my antecedents, he succeeded in getting me +the position of teacher of singing to the three lower classes, as +the old chorister was daily growing deafer. When he became wholly +incapable of further service, the three upper classes were also +transferred to me, and, after having conscientiously done my duty for +several years, and meanwhile showed by my irreproachable conduct that I +was not the Don Juan and demon of darkness rumor had pronounced me, I +was advanced--partly in consequence of the services of my dead father, +whose memory was still honored--to the position of teacher of geography +and history, in which I was often reminded of the time when I had +related the same beautiful stories to my little pupil and his haughty +sister. + +My kind fellow-citizens had pardoned my past--nay, with the feminine +portion of the population, it merely helped to surround the commonplace +fellow I was and am with that halo of impiety which is usually more +attractive to the weaker sex than the most beautiful aureola of +unsullied virtue. Many very estimable mothers of marriageable daughters +greeted me in the street with an encouraging glance--nay, there was no +lack of efforts to tempt me to their houses, especially after a small +legacy, which I inherited very unexpectedly, enabled me, with my modest +salary as a teacher, to establish a quiet home of my own. Even my +friend and present colleague gave me numerous well-meant hints--Heaven +would rather provide for two than for one, and so would the fathers of +the city. But I answered all such admonitions with a smile and a shrug +of the shoulders. How could I have been such a scoundrel as to deceive +an innocent, unsuspecting girl by letting her suppose a heart free +which had long been firmly bound? + +The ten years I spent in this way were joyless and desolate enough. I +had lost my taste even for the society of men; foolish political +discussions and standing local jests had no interest for me, and I had +never cared for any game of cards except the one with which such +beloved memories were associated. So I spent the evenings in my lonely +room, and used the money I saved from gambling and drinking for the +purchase of books, though the volumes were wholly different in +character from those I had inherited from my dear father. Besides the +newest philosophical works, I ordered novels by English authors, among +whom Thackeray was my special favorite, while Dickens seemed to me a +sentimental mannerist, striving for effect, who had no correct ideas of +women. But I will leave this part of my life and hasten on to the main +subject. + + + * * * * * + + +One Wednesday afternoon in March--I had no school, but a furious +snow-storm prevented my taking my usual walk into the country--some one +knocked at my door, and an old woman, on whom I had never set eyes +before, hobbled into the room. She was almost out of breath, for, as +she said, she had come from the alms-house at the opposite end of the +town, and the wind had almost blown her away. She drew from the folds +of her thick shawl a crumpled note, in which was scribbled in pencil: + + +"If you have not yet forgotten your old friend, dear Johannes, give her +the pleasure of a visit. She has been ill for a fortnight, and is +permitted to sit up to-day for the first time. The messenger knows +where she is to be found. + Luise." + + +I will not attempt to describe the tempest of feeling those few words +awakened in my soul. For a moment the room and all it contained whirled +around me, and I should not have been surprised had the old woman +suddenly thrown off her patched clothing and stood before me in the +guise of a beautiful fairy. + +With trembling haste I hurried on my coat, seized my hat and cane, and +went out into the street ere I asked if this were really true, and how +she had happened to serve the lady as a messenger. + +There was nothing strange in that, the old dame had answered. Madame +Spielberg had arrived a fortnight ago, in her own carriage, very ill +with measles, and had asked to be taken to the hospital. But as, on +account of the rebuilding, no one could be received there, and the only +patient, by the burgomaster's orders, had meantime been removed to the +almshouse, the stranger had been transported there, to her entire +satisfaction for, thank Heaven, she had lacked nothing. The doctor had +been instantly summoned, and then the seven old dames who now lived +there shared the nursing, which had prospered so well that to-day she +had eaten her soup with an excellent appetite and been able to drink a +tiny glass of wine. The doctor had told them to be very attentive to +the sick lady, who was of noble birth and a Canoness. Well, that was no +hard task for them. There was not such another lovely lady in the whole +world, she was always apologizing for giving so much trouble, and that +day, after she sat up, had sent for her trunk and given each one some +article of clothing for a present. Then she asked about the +schoolmaster, but, when she saw the storm, said the note could wait +till to-morrow. But she, the old dame, would not hear of that, and now +I would see for myself how well the lady was taken care of. She +occupied No. 12, the best room in the whole house. + +When I had entered the dusky corridor and shaken the snow from my +clothing, and my guide, pointing to one of the little doors, had said, +"That's number 12," I was obliged to pause a few moments to calm myself +before I knocked. Is it really true? I thought. Ten years have passed +like one day! In your heart at least! And she--how will you find her? +But I had scarcely heard her "Come in!" when I knew she must be just +the same as ever; time, grief, and even want had no power over her +strong soul; and, whether I found her in this wretched almshouse or on +a throne, she would ever be the mistress of my thoughts and feelings. + +So I entered, and the first look in which our eyes met thrilled me with +the warmth and happiness a patient, on whom an operation for a cataract +has been performed, feels when the bandage is removed for the first +time. + +She was sitting in a large arm-chair by the window, past which the +snow-flakes were whirling, and held on her knee an open book. The large +room was bare and wholly unadorned, the walls were white-washed, the +bed was covered with a brown shawl that I distinctly remembered, her +trunk stood at the foot, there was a plain table and two chairs--the +usual almshouse furniture. But on the table beside the _carafe_ stood a +glass containing a bunch of snow-drops, in front of a daguerreotype of +her child in a small easel-frame wreathed with the same white blossoms. +Everything was just as usual, for she had always kept this picture near +her, and she still wore, as at the time I last saw her, her mourning +dress, with the little black silk kerchief wound in her fair hair, only +its amber hue was not so deep, but seemed powdered with a gray dust. +The beautiful oval face, however, was wholly unchanged, save for an +expression of cheerfulness which had been alien to it during the last +period of our companionship. How she smiled at me, how her voice +sounded--was she really a sorely-afflicted woman, who had passed her +fortieth year? And I, was I the dried up, provincial Philistine and +pedagogue I had so long believed myself to be, or still a reckless +young fellow, ready at any moment to commit the wildest folly for this +woman's sake. + +She did not rise to greet me, but held out both hands, and I could only +clasp and hold them in the utmost embarrassment. I did not venture to +kiss them. I had too often seen this knightly homage paid by the man +who had inflicted the keenest suffering upon her heart, and would not +remind her of any bitter experience. + +"Frau Luise," I said, "it is really you--you have not changed in the +least--I am so happy to see you again--and you were ill and I only +learn your presence here to-day." + +"Sit down by me, Johannes," she said. "I, too, am glad to see your face +once more. You look very well; you have grown a little stouter, but it +is becoming; teaching seems to suit you better than the dramatic +business. Oh, my dear friend, this is like the day of judgment, when +everything is to be brought together. True, only the shadow of the very +best of all returns!" She glanced at the picture of Joachimchen on the +table, and her eyes grew grave. + +"I can not yet recover from my joyful surprise," I said, as I took my +seat at the window opposite to her. "You here! And what tempted you to +this out-of-the-way corner? And whence do you come?" + +She smiled again. + +"_You_ tempted me, my friend--_you_, and no one else. I was very ill +and thought I should not recover. So, before my death, I wanted to +again clasp the hand of my last friend, and thank him for all the love +and fidelity he has shown me. Believe me, I know everything that has +happened to you during our separation--it is not much--Uncle Joachim +constantly inquired about you and wrote me all he learned. He alone, of +all my acquaintances, knew where I was to be found." + +"And did not answer one single word, the envious man, though I wrote to +him three times to obtain news of you." + +"He could not. I had strictly forbidden it. I wanted to be dead to +every one, and always hoped that God would be merciful and speedily +summon me from the world. But He had different plans for me, and I will +not murmur against His will. Where did I hide myself? Why, in a very +remote corner of the Uckermark, on the estate of a nobleman who had +advertised for a companion for his invalid wife and a governess for his +little daughter. How I fared in that house, and learned to practice +every deed of charity, I will tell you some other time or not at all. I +can only repeat the old words: 'With the sick I became well, with the +poor rich, with the dying I learned to live.' And all this exactly in +my own way, with people whom I tenderly loved. You know the +professional neighborly love a deaconess practices would be contrary to +my nature, like a public display of piety and love for God. But when +the gentle sufferer died, and a few weeks after her little daughter +followed her, I could no longer remain in the house; for the sorrowing +widower, otherwise a thoroughly admirable man, offered me his heart and +hand, and, when I told him that I was not free, proposed to make every +effort to have my missing husband declared dead and then marry me. Just +at that time I received a letter from our Liborius, the gardener, +informing me that Uncle Joachim was very ill and wished to see me. This +instantly afforded me an escape from my painful position. For, though I +could be nothing to the worthy man, I pitied his desolation and his +hopeless love. Willing or not, he was now obliged to let me go at +once." + +"Poor woman!" I said. "How you must have suffered in returning to the +old scenes which had so many hated associations." + +"You are wrong," she answered. "Those few weeks on the estate are among +the most consoling my life has known. I saw none of the faces that were +repulsive to me--indeed many of those I held dear were also missing. +Aunt Elizabeth had slept for six years in the family vault. Her +'inconsolable husband,' as he styles himself on the tombstone, coupled +with a verse from the Bible expressing a hope of a reunion--perhaps you +have seen it in the newspaper?--Uncle Achatz, went to France directly +after the funeral, accompanied by the young Englishwoman, who, after +the separation from Mademoiselle Suzon, had become indispensable to him +as a reader and companion. In Paris, where to improve his finances he +frequented gambling-houses, he met a doubtful character, who quarreled +with him at faro and then shot him in a duel. As the traveling +companion disappeared the same day, leaving nothing of any value, the +unfortunate man was buried in a very simple manner at the expense of +the Prussian embassy, and is still awaiting in French soil the day when +he is to be interred by his wife's side. Hitherto my young cousin has +lacked time and means to do this. Immediately after his father's death, +he set to work zealously, under Uncle Joachim's supervision, to +extricate his financial affairs from their utter disorder, and in every +possible way improve the estate, so that in time the former splendor of +the family might be restored. I should have been very glad to see +Achatz, who had not been your pupil one whole summer entirely in vain. +But just before I arrived he had set out with his young wife on a +wedding journey to Italy. Nor did I see my cousin Leopoldine, who as +you know married Cousin Kasimir, and has had no light cross to bear. My +best friend, Mother Lieschen, had long since gone to her last rest. So +I found only the old servants, the gardener, the villagers, who were +all fond of me because Aunt Elizabeth's kind deeds reached them by my +hands--and my dear old uncle, the sight of whom fairly startled me. He +was sitting, crippled with gout, our family disease, in an +uncomfortable chair by the stove, his dog, a grand-daughter of our old +Diana, lying beside him, and his pipe, which had gone out, between his +teeth. He could not light it himself with his bandaged hands, and +Liborius did not always have time to attend to him. But his mind was as +clear and bright as in his best days, and his old heart still throbbed +as warmly as ever. I can not tell you, dear Johannes, what joy and +enlightenment, even amid the saddest feelings, I experienced during +those last days spent with the dying man. There the last ring forged +around me by my own hard fate was shattered into fragments, and I felt +ashamed of my weak-hearted melancholy in the presence of the quiet, +brave, cheerful sufferer, who never allowed a complaint to escape his +lips. Only when the pain became too severe, a stifled _nom d'un nom!_ +sometimes slipped through his teeth with the smoke, and then he begged +me to put my hand on his heart, that the raging thing might feel its +mistress. + +"So he at last died, with a chivalrous jest on his lips and a loving +look at me. The gout, as people say, went to his heart. It was not +until after his death that I fully realized what a noble man he had +been. I sat for hours beside the open coffin, and resolved that I would +fight as bravely through the span of life still left me, and again look +forth upon the world with cheerful eyes. + +"But I could not yet devote myself to my own affairs, an epidemic of +measles had broken out in the village, and I was needed from early till +late, in house after house, to help the doctor abolish the absurd +torments still in use from the treatment of ancient times. Meanwhile, +the small sum of money I had brought with me was consumed in the +expenses of my uncle's funeral and the needs of the village hospital. +When at last the disease attacked me also, I had just enough left to +pay for the carriage which was to bring me here to my old friend. + +"But when I had arrived it seemed kinder not to startle this faithful +man, perhaps even expose him to the same calamity by summoning him to +my sick bed. So I waited till I had had my first bath, which I took +yesterday, and now I can give you my hand without peril, and tell you +how glad I am that a respite on this chilly earth is still granted me, +and that I hope to enjoy a few more beautiful springs in this lower +world." + + + * * * * * + + +She had again given me her hand, which I now raised to my lips. + +"Frau Luise," I replied, "you have bestowed upon me the greatest joy +and honor I have ever experienced. I value your coming here as highly +as though you had dubbed me a knight. And, in truth, during all these +years, I have felt myself your knight and worn your colors." + +A slight flush mounted into her face, which made her look still +younger. "Do not overestimate me," she replied. "I had two objects in +coming, only one of which was unselfish. I wanted to see you again to +have you help me in my need, but also, it is true, to provide for your +own future." + +"What do you mean?" I asked. "What future can there be for a man like +me, whose presence no one would miss. You see, my dear friend, men of +my stamp are indispensable to the human race, but only like the stones +the architect cements together in the earth, that they may form a solid +foundation for his proud temple. We are invisibly bound together, and +render service as a whole, but the individual is not much noticed; even +if he is moldering, he does his duty while he fills his little space. +Why do you talk to me of the future? So long as you stay with me, time +will vanish." + +Luise shook her head gravely. + +"I am not in question," she replied, "and, if we are to remain good +friends, you must not make any more of these extravagant speeches. You +are no longer an enthusiastic youth, but still young enough to take a +fresh start in life, have a beloved wife and a house full of children, +without entirely forgetting your old friend. It is not necessary to +have a proud ideal of the future for that. But you ought to be ashamed +of so depreciating yourself, burying your talent, dreaming and grieving +away your life in this secluded hamlet, instead of seeking a sphere of +influence where all your gifts might develop. Or, if you have lost the +courage and desire to live for mankind, why will you not at least make +one individual happy, and diffuse warmth enough from your hearth-stone +to benefit the immediate neighborhood?" + +"Because I am no longer free, but have long languished in bonds and +fetters," I replied, and, unbuttoning my vest at the neck, drew out her +gold chain, which I never laid aside. She again flushed slightly, but +forced herself to assume a stern expression, and said: "You are +incorrigible; but I won't give you up yet. I know that you will do much +to afford me pleasure. First, however, you must do me another service. +I have told you that I spent my last thalers for the carriage which +brought me here. I should like to look about me for another position, +where I can make myself useful, and you shall help me by advancing a +small sum. I don't need much, but I haven't paid a farthing in this +house, and should not like to live on at the expense of a community +upon which I have not even the claim of being a native of the place. +But I am not too proud to beg from you." + +"You could have made me no more valuable gift," I exclaimed. "And now +we won't say another word about this trifle. Tell me about yourself, +and, above all, whether you are well cared for here, and what I can do +for your comfort." + +She smiled again. + +"I am treated like a princess. You know that old women were always fond +of me. Now I have no less than seven of them in one group, and they are +so attentive and so jealous of my favor that I am obliged to act on the +defensive. Whenever I rang, all seven of them would come hobbling in to +ask my wishes. They felt honored by the presence of an ex-Canoness in +the almshouse; the coachman, who came from our estate, had told them +who I was, or rather might be, if I had not destroyed my own prospects. +My coming here ill with such a commonplace disease, and lying down +contentedly in so plain a bed, as if I had never slept in a castle, won +their hearts at a single stroke. But, to escape their officious zeal +without wounding the jealous devotion of any one, I arranged to have +each dame serve me one day in the week. In this way I learned to know +them all, and am now aware of everything Mother Schulzen, Mother +Jenicke, Mother Grabow and the others have suffered during their +insignificant, sorrowful lives. But you will be little interested in +this. Besides, I have already talked too much--the doctor would scold. +Go now, dear friend, and if you have time come again to-morrow. While I +am here, we will see a great deal of each other." + + + * * * * * + + +These were pleasant and prophetic words. I owe the happiest part of my +life to the time Frau Luise spent beneath this humble roof. + +Of course, I now visited her daily, and as she rapidly recovered our +talks became longer, so, when the last snow had disappeared and the +world grew warm and bright again, we did not stay within the four bare +walls, but took the most delightful walks, at first near the house and +church, but afterward we rambled for hours along the shore of the lake, +and even entered the little grove beyond. + +We were always compelled to do this when my princess desired to escape +from the attendance of her court. So long as we remained near the +house, the seven old dames persistently followed us, the one who was on +duty that day in front, the six others, each holding her knitting in +her old withered hands, behind, as if to do the honors of the +neighborhood, but really because their hearts drew them to this new +inmate of the household. They seemed to find comfort in merely looking +at her or hearing the distant sound of her voice. But their feeble old +limbs would not carry many of them farther than the shore of the lake, +and the two youngest, who were only seventy and still very vigorous, +dared not take any special liberties. + +We never went into the city. Frau Luise did not wish to fan the public +curiosity, already excited. True, the burgomaster had considered it his +duty to wait upon the lady, and urge her to move into more elegant +lodgings which he had secured for her. + +He, too, was so charmed by her appearance and manner that his first +embarrassment soon vanished, especially after she had requested him not +to call her Baroness, but simply Frau Spielberg, and had thanked him +for the hospitality extended to her here. So comfortable an abode for +old women--to whose number she herself would soon belong--could +scarcely be found in the whole Mark, and she begged to be allowed to +stay until she had decided how to shape her future life. + +But, as she could remain nowhere without bestowing on her environments +the impress of her own nature, the burgomaster at his first visit +marveled at the changed appearance of the almshouse and its inmates. +The seven old dames, who had formerly crept about in forlorn tatters, +with their thin hair hanging over their brows, and lines of discontent +on their faces--nay, sometimes bearing tokens of very unchristian +deeds, the result of their quarrels--suddenly appeared transformed into +neat, civil matrons, for they had noticed that they did not please +their mistress unless they appeared with clean faces and carefully +mended dresses. Even the building itself had changed. The corridors and +rooms were spick and span from scouring, and strewed with clean sand. +The most beautiful of all was the garden, a narrow strip of ground +beneath the low windows. Without saying much about it, Frau Luise one +day dug with her own hands the patch below her own window, divided it +into small beds, and planted some flowers she had asked me to get for +her. Her old guard had scarcely seen this ere they became possessed +with an ambition to imitate the noble lady, and, as the latter +willingly helped them with seeds and young plants, the wilderness, in +which formerly nothing but nettles and weeds of all kinds had +flourished, was transformed into a gay garden, and under each window +stood a small, rudely made bench, painted with cheap green paint, on +which every leisure evening one of the old crones sat in the sunset +glow with the everlasting knitting in her lap. + +I had ordered Frau Luise's bench to be made somewhat larger, so that +there was room for a slender person by her side. There I sat many an +hour, often with a book from which I read aloud to her, or talking +cheerfully and earnestly about God and the world, not infrequently +recalling memories of the beloved child, whose smallest trait of +character had not been forgotten by either of us. His father's name was +never mentioned. I only knew that he was still dragging out his useless +existence in some foreign land. + +At that time I learned to know the deep wisdom of the words "All things +work together for good to them that love God." For all the good and +evil, strange and detestable things this woman had experienced, had +worked together in her strong, clear soul, till after the dross had +been separated pure gold remained. Now, as ever, she was reluctant to +needlessly mention the name of God, and, had she been catechized about +her faith, probably would not have passed the examination well. But she +possessed the consciousness that, whenever she went down into the +depths of her heart, she would find the spirit of peace, love, and +truth, and this consciousness was so vivid that a divine calmness and +confidence, visible to the dullest senses, illumined her brow. But a +new trait in her was a peculiar sense of humor, a mirthfulness which +had rarely flashed out in her youth, yet now appeared to be the +predominant mood of her nature. When she was gay, she could make the +most comical remarks about herself and her surroundings, mutual old +acquaintances, and the seven dames knitting on their little benches, +remarks whose drollery could not be surpassed by Dickens or Thackeray. +Her merry satire did not even spare me. But, as I was utterly +defenseless, she soon let the subject drop, though she could see by my +hearty laughter that I was flattered rather than offended. + +This uniformly charming idyl would have satisfied all my wishes, had I +been able to shake off the fear that it would some day come to an end. +For Frau Luise daily studied all the advertisements for governesses or +nurses, and several times had applied for something, fortunately +without success. I racked my brains to discover some plan that would +keep her near me. But, though she unhesitatingly accepted my friendly +assistance as a loan, she was inexorable whenever I spoke of having no +question concerning "mine and thine" rise between us in the future. + +"Whoever can work must gain a living!" she answered once, in a tone +that deprived me of all courage to return to the subject. + +Then a fortunate chance caused, in a very simple and easy way, the +fulfillment of the sum total of my wishes. + + + * * * * * + + +One Sunday afternoon in May we had taken a delightful walk, and on our +return the little almshouse chapel stood before us in its dense robe of +ivy, illumined by the full radiance of the sun, looking so beautiful +and venerable that, for the first time, we gazed at it attentively and +remarked how strange it was that we had never desired to see the +interior. Though we now heard from the seven matrons that it was +perfectly bare and the walls had nothing but spiders' webs, Frau Luise +asked for the key, which had not been used for years, and, attended by +the whole train of knitting courtiers, we entered the deserted old +chapel. + +There was, in truth, nothing remarkable to be seen. A tolerably bright +light fell through four long, narrow, arched windows, but illumined +nothing save bare walls destitute of pillars, entablatures, or other +architectural decorations. Within the choir there was only the square, +brick foundation of the altar, raised one step above the floor. In a +corner opposite stood a bier covered with a black pall, thickly coated +with dust. The little almshouse chapel had doubtless served for a +receiving tomb so long as the graveyard outside was used. This thought +did not make the cellar-like place more agreeable, and we were about to +go back to the warm spring sunshine when my eyes fell upon a high, +narrow, wooden box, which stood on the other side just opposite to the +altar. Great was my surprise when, after having vainly fumbled about +the case for a time, a lid suddenly flew back, and an old harmonium +appeared. How it came there I could never ascertain. These instruments +are still very rare in our province, and it is hardly probable that +years ago the almshouse had a pious and wealthy patron in the city, who +desired to aid the religious service in the poor little church by such +an endowment. + +So we examined our treasure with astonished eyes. When I touched the +keys, dull and somewhat rusty, yet not wholly discordant notes stole +forth, as if the sleeping soul, so long confined there, were waking, +and its first sound was a timid expression of thanks to its deliverers. + +The case was instantly drawn forward, and I prepared to play. Frau +Luise, with sparkling eyes, came to my side. I began "A mountain +fastness is our Lord," and she joined in with her voice, at first +timidly, it was so long since she had sung a note, but soon with all +her former depth of feeling, till my heart thrilled with ecstasy. When +it was over, I began the introduction to our beloved Orpheus aria, and +how my friend's marvelous alto voice rang through the lofty, empty +chapel! The seven old dames sat silently on the step of the altar, the +click of the knitting-needles was no longer heard, nothing mingled with +the melody except the low twittering of the birds. So in the utmost +delight we practiced for some time, not stopping with this one aria, +and many airs which we had sung to our little Joachim returned to his +mother's mind. + +At last emotion overpowered her, and I ceased playing, rose, and held +out my hand, which she cordially pressed. We knew what remained +unuttered. + +"This must not be the last time we are happy here," I said; "later in +the summer this concert-room will be a pleasant refuge, though now the +damp, close atmosphere oppresses us. I wonder that you could control +your voice so well, Frau Luise." + +She made no reply, but passed out through the doorway. I walked by her +side, and the seven maids-of-honor followed. But what was our amazement +to see a crowd of people gathered outside the threshold, who +respectfully formed into two lines to allow the singer and her train to +pass. Not only some of the plain people from the few neighboring houses +had flocked hither, attracted by the music, but several of the +prominent families in the city, among them the burgomaster and his two +daughters, who while returning from a Sunday walk had heard with +astonishment the strong, beautiful tones issuing from the long silent +chapel, and stopped to enjoy the free concert. + +The burgomaster himself, a great lover of music, seemed so amazed +by the discovery that so admirable an artist had been concealed +in the humble almshouse that he did not utter a word to express his +homage--only bowed low and silently lifted his hat as she passed. The +audience of both high and low degree speedily dispersed; yet, as I +walked home in the evening, I caught many a word from the worthy +citizens, sitting before their doors or going to get their beer, which +betrayed how our church-music still echoed in the ears of the +listeners. + +The Canoness at the almshouse formed the topic of every conversation +during the evening, and no three women whispered together ten minutes +over their coffee without saying something for or against their +interesting new neighbor. + +When, on the following afternoon, I went to my friend, she asked, +smiling: "Guess what distinguished visitor I have had to-day, +Johannes?" Then she told me that the burgomaster himself had called on +her, and, amid many compliments on, her singing, asked if she would +give lessons to his daughters. The two girls, who had been waiting +outside, entered, blushing, and, as she did not refuse the request, +sang to her at their father's bidding in fresh, though untrained, young +voices, after which she gladly consented to give them two lessons a +week, and was to begin the next morning. The only point now was to +procure a piano, the harmonium being far too powerful to be used to +accompany singing. + +It was difficult for me to repress my joy at these glad tidings. Now +she is ours, I thought. Now she need no longer pore over the +advertisements in the last pages of the Voss and Spener journals. + +But I said quite calmly: "This happens capitally. I have a piano"--this +one luxury had been procured for little money, as, though the old +instrument was originally good, it had seen much service--"and I will +send it early to-morrow to the almshouse, where there are plenty of +vacant rooms which would be cheerfully given up to you for your +lessons." + +This plan was accomplished. Ere a month had passed, all the girls from +fifteen to five-and-twenty were enrolled in my friend's volunteer corps +of singers, and it was considered as fashionable to send a daughter to +the Canoness as it is in the capitals to secure admission to the +conservatory. + +She had fixed a very moderate price for her lessons. Still, as she also +superintended choir-singing, and soon had all her time occupied, her +income was so large that I jestingly said she would soon be able to buy +an estate. + +She shrugged her shoulders, smiling, and I well knew what this meant. +For her left hand was never aware of what her right hand was doing, +and, though our town had an organized system of charity, there was +ample opportunity for deeds of benevolence. + +We never exchanged a word about her remaining in the almshouse. But she +persistently resisted the entreaties of her young pupils and their +parents to move into better lodgings in the city. "I could not do +without my seven guardian angels," she said, smiling. She merely +obtained somewhat better furniture for her room, sent for Uncle +Joachim's old chest of drawers and the two pictures of Napoleon--he had +left her everything he possessed--and added two beautiful engravings +from my aunt's legacy. The large room with two windows, adjoining her +own, was fitted up for her lessons, and my piano was moved into it. +Many an afternoon, when I had arrived before the close of the lessons, +I sat outside on the bench in her little garden, listening to the +chirping within, the regular _solfeggios_ and runs, and the magnificent +bell-like tones of the teacher ringing out between them, or the sweet +voices of the full choir, which practiced not only solemn _motettos_ +and _cantatas_, but sought recreation in Mendelssohn, Schubert, and +Schumann. + +The service she was rendering the young people could not fail to dispel +their parents' prejudices against the wife of the strolling actor, and +make them endeavor to draw her to their houses. But on this point she +was inexorable. "I detest these provincial entertainments," she said to +me. "I will cheerfully give the people among whom I live as much of my +life as can be of service to them, but the rest I will keep for myself. +To sit on the sofa a whole evening between the wives of the burgomaster +and the councilor, and talk about servants and betrothals, would kill +me. Besides, my opinions would rouse their displeasure before an hour +was over. There is where Mother Schulzen, Mother Grabow, and the other +five Fates deserve praise. They think me a saint, though I don't go to +church." + +But, while she retained this view and avoided the society of the +mothers, she was all the more friendly in her intercourse with the +daughters. Every other Sunday her pupils, about twenty in number, were +allowed to spend the evening with her, and she gave them a little +supper of tea, cake, and bread and butter. But these pleasant meetings +were not intended merely for merry talk with the children--they were +expected to produce better results. She read to them from the works of +our classic writers the most beautiful and ennobling selections adapted +to their age and culture, a couple of acts from one of Schiller's +tragedies, which they were afterward to finish at home, once the whole +of Iphigenia, at another time ballads from Goethe and Uhland, and then +let her youthful audience express their ideas of what they had heard, +only adding a few wise remarks of her own. + +I did not attend these readings, but took the liberty of lingering +outside the open window and listening to her recitations. I will not +speak of the indescribable enjoyment that fell to my lot. But, though +my love for this woman may make me appear somewhat partial, the +assertion can be believed that she would have surpassed many a famed +tragic actress, had she given her readings on the stage. + +How completely she captivated her young listeners! + +Many of the older people were made somewhat anxious by finding that the +actor's wife was on such intimate terms with her young pupils that she +directed not only their singing but their thoughts and feelings. But +the last ice melted, though it was the very middle of winter; when a +nocturnal conflagration destroyed several houses and robbed some +families of their whole property. Frau Luise instantly advertised +a concert in the town-hall for the benefit of the sufferers. She +herself sang, her pupils helped to the best of their ability in solos, +choir-singing, and recitations. Every nook in the hall, spite of the +high price of admission, was occupied, and the next day there was but +_one_ verdict in house and hovel, namely, that no such pleasure had +ever been enjoyed by even the oldest inhabitants, and no more noble +soul ever dwelt in woman's breast than in the tuneful one of this +greatly misjudged lady. + + + * * * * * + + +So she had reached this point. + +The swan, that had lost its way in the marsh, had plunged into the +clear water of this quiet country lake, shaken its feathers, and lo! +they were once more snow-white as in its early days. + +Even the pastor, who had been unable to forgive her for not appearing +at his church and having even chosen as her only intimate friend a +renegade theologian, whom he could not help doubly condemning--even +this zealous shepherd of souls could not permanently refuse her his +esteem. After the concert he called on her, and had a conversation +which lasted two hours. I met him just as he was leaving the almshouse. +His face looked as I imagine Moses' might have done after he had seen +the Lord in the naming bush. I did not even consider this strange. What +victory over human hearts might I not have expected this woman to +achieve! + +The "overflowing treasure of grace" she so lavishly bestowed benefited +me also. For the first time, my modest greeting to the secretly +resentful man was returned with a friendly gesture, in which I fancied +I noticed a shade of curious interest. We afterward became better +acquainted, and learned to sincerely value each other. + +My position as the Canoness's special friend was of course much envied +by my colleagues and other acquaintances, and many questions were asked +about her. But, as I had no intimacies, I was not obliged to put any +unusual bolts on my heart, that it might keep its secrets. And I must +add one thing more which, amid such narrow, provincial environments, +does the highest honor to human nature: never, by even the most trivial +jest, was the slightest shadow cast upon the purity of my intercourse +with her. + +Nay, a still more extraordinary thing: even the most arrogant among the +wives of the dignitaries willingly yielded her the precedence she never +claimed, and without envy or hatred beheld this stranger, who had been +received into the almshouse from Christian charity, ruling the city as +it were from her little room--at least, in all matters relating to the +common welfare of the inhabitants and their intellectual life. Even the +burgomaster's wife and her friends, who gathered at society meetings +and coffee-parties, did not consider it beneath their dignity to seek +the Canoness's advice on any charitable business, or any question +concerning education or etiquette, with a faith as devout as if the +almshouse were the oracle of Delphi, and Frau Luise sat on the tripod +as priestess. She told me the drollest stories about these occasions, +which I, as a faithful servant of the temple, vowed to silence, must +not betray here. + +Thus the renown of her talents and virtues could not fail to extend +beyond the precincts of our little town, till at last even the +newspapers mentioned her. She took no notice of it; indeed, she did not +look at the papers, now that the advertisements no longer interested +her. I think she secretly dreaded to accidentally read the name of the +man whom she desired to forever forget. + +But her concert for the sufferers by the conflagration had made such a +sensation that all Preignitz and Uckermark rang with its fame. So one +day, when I came to chat with her a little while after she had finished +her lessons, I saw standing in front of the almshouse a dusty carriage, +on whose door I recognized the coat of arms of her own family, though +the faces of coachman and footman were unfamiliar to me. + +Nevertheless, I did not hesitate to knock at her door, and, on +entering, saw a pretty, stylish young lady sitting on the sofa by her +side, while at the first glance I recognized in her companion my former +pupil--Baron Achatz. He had not grown much taller, but a little blonde +mustache had ventured forth under his turned-up Zieten nose, and the +light-blue eyes beneath his low brow had so frank an expression that I +was instantly reminded of his excellent mother, now resting in the +peace of God. + +"Come nearer, my dear friend," cried Frau Luise. "You will find an old +acquaintance, who has already been inquiring for you, and his young +wife. This is our candidate, dear Luitgarde, of whom Achatz has often +told you. What do you say, Herr Johannes? My cousins have come in +person to invite me to spend the rest of my life with them. They have +heard I was an inmate of an almshouse, which did not seem to them a +proper place for a member of their family. Now they want to carry me +off in triumph to their castle, like a precious jewel that has been +taken from the family treasures and at last found again. Is it not kind +in these young people, who could not be blamed if, for a time, they had +thought only of themselves and their own happiness. But you are +misinformed, my dear cousins. I live here just as I desire, and want +for nothing, though my claims upon life are not the most modest. Tell +Achatz, my dear Johannes, how I am spoiled here. Am I not pleasantly +lodged? The adjoining room is my music-hall, and my reception-day is +always crowded. The attendance leaves me nothing to desire, seven maids +and waiting-women, whose united ages number more than five hundred +years; where should I ever find the like again? If you could stay +longer, you would be convinced that I am at least as well cared for +here as though I were living in a chapter, while I need not even wear +the veil and dress of the order, but can cut my garments according to +my own taste. Nevertheless, I thank you from my heart for your kind +intentions"--and as she spoke she kissed the young wife, whose blushes +followed each other in swift succession--"but, if you really must go +to-day, you must first see that your old cousin can offer her guests a +very tolerable cup of tea. First, however, I will take you over my +little kingdom, of whose orderly government I am so vain that the +sarcastic candidate is fond of calling me 'the queen of the +almshouse.'" + +She rose, tied her little black kerchief over her hair, and then drew +the young baroness' slender arm through hers. We men followed, and, +while Frau Luise, with sportive self-ridicule, pointed out all the +modest beauties of the building and its environs, and finally gathered +a bouquet for the bride in her little garden, my pupil (pardon the +slip) plucked up courage to beg me, in a whisper, to persuade his +cousin to accept his well-meant offer. Even if she herself was +satisfied with her humble position, it would place him and the whole +family in a bad light if it should be rumored that he had allowed his +nearest relative to live in an almshouse, and from considerations of +kinship she owed it to him and to herself to return to-- + +"My dear baron," I replied, "you overestimate my influence with your +cousin. She knows exactly what she owes to herself. But, if you speak +of family considerations, allow me to say, with all the freedom +warranted by my old acquaintance with you, that the occurrences during +your father's life-time must absolve Frau Luise before God and man from +any duty to her family. And now, pray, let us say no more about it. I +congratulate you sincerely upon your marriage. Your wife seems endowed +with every physical and mental gift that would have led your mother to +greet her joyfully as her son's wife, and love her most tenderly." + +The good fellow silently pressed my hand, and I saw his honest little +eyes sparkle. + +When we returned to the house--the lake and ivy-mantled chapel had +fairly enraptured the somewhat romantic young wife--we found the +tea-table set, a task for which Mother Schulzen, whose day it was, +possessed especial skill, and supplied with fresh bread, golden butter, +and a little cold meat. "The cups are not Sèvres," said Frau Luise +in a jesting tone, "and, as I had more pressing wants than silver +table-ware, you must be content with pewter spoons and bone-handled +knives and forks. While I am making the tea, friend Johannes will give +you a proof of his greatest talent, which consists in buttering bread." + +She was so irresistibly charming in her quiet cheerfulness that the +young wife at last lost her embarrassment, and we four sat together for +an hour, talking in the gayest manner like old friends. When the time +for departure had come, the ladies affectionately embraced each other, +and promised to correspond regularly. The young baron kissed his +cousin's hand, but she embraced him with maternal tenderness, saying: +"I can not see the kind face you have inherited from your mother, +Achate, without remembering how often I kissed that saintly woman's +cheek. Now, farewell; remember me to old Liborius, and Krischan, too, +though he has become a drunkard, and, when you meet Leopoldine, tell +her that I should be very glad to see her again. But traveling is +uncomfortable for an old woman like myself; she must come to me." + + + * * * * * + + +This visit, which of course was much discussed in the little city, +greatly increased and strengthened the love and reverence my friend +enjoyed. It was considered greatly to her credit that she had resisted +the temptation to return to her aristocratic circle, and preferred the +humble almshouse to the proud castle. Mother Schulzen, of course, under +the pretext that she must be close at hand, had listened at the door, +and, though she usually declared herself to be hard of hearing, had not +lost a word of the conversation. + +From that time Frau Luise was secretly regarded as a sort of honorary +citizen of our town, and would have been cheerfully granted the most +jealously guarded privilege of citizenship, that of fishing in the +lake, had she displayed any love for angling. + +Yet she continued to live on in the unassuming manner previously +described, and, as she enjoyed perfect health, she compared, in her +droll way, her own condition with that of the little dismantled steamer +that lay anchored in the calm inland lake, resting comfortably from +every storm. + +But one more tempest burst over her, which threatened to shake even her +steadfast nature. + + + * * * * * + + +We had been permitted for three years to call her ours. Spring had come +again, but no March snow-flakes were fluttering through the air as in +the time when she arrived; the sun was shining brightly, and, as the +song says, the weather tempted one to walk. Still, though it was +Saturday afternoon and school had therefore been dismissed, I was +obliged to leave her earlier than usual, as I had taken charge of the +lessons in German for a sick colleague, and had a whole pile of +exercise-books to correct by Monday. + +I was sitting at my work again early Sunday morning, when a hurried +message, brought by one of the seven almshouse dames, startled me. I +must come at once to the Canoness--as her train preferred to call her. + +I could not learn what had happened from the messenger. It was not _her +day_, and she had not seen Frau Luise. + +When I entered, I was no little surprised to find her in bed for the +first time since I had known her. She tried to smile in order to soothe +me, but it was only like a fleeting sunbeam which instantly vanished +behind clouds of gloom. + +"My life is not threatened, dear friend," said she; "nay, I am not even +really ill--only so exhausted by mental emotion that, when I tried to +rise, I fell back again. Sit down and listen." + +She then related the horrible story. On the afternoon of the previous +day, as, lured by the beautiful sunshine, she continued her walk alone +as far as the lake, a wretched figure had suddenly confronted her, just +at the spot where a group of willows cast a dense shade. It was a man +with long, gray locks and a haggard, sunken face, holding his hat in +his hand with the gesture of a mendicant. Lost in thought, she had not +at first noticed him particularly, but felt in her pocket to throw alms +into his hat. Suddenly the beggar seized her hand, and, covering it +with passionate kisses, exclaimed: "Do you no longer know me, Luise?" + +The sudden fright fairly made her heart stop beating. She could not +move a limb, but, wrenching her hand from his grasp, stood staring at +him, as though the specter must dissolve into mist before her eyes. + +But unhappily it remained, tangible and audible, and the wife perceived +with horror the ruin time had wrought in the proud and stately man. +Absolutely unable to utter a word, she had been forced to listen to the +long, carefully-studied speech, in which the hapless actor gave her a +succinct account of his adventures and experiences in two hemispheres, +protested his eternal love and longing for his worshiped wife, and in +exaggerated theatrical phrases besought her forgiveness. + +Not until he paused and, panting for breath, again tried to take her +hand, did she recover sufficient self-control to retreat a step and +say, "We have parted forever." With these words she turned to leave +him. But he grasped her dress, and again began the litany of his +complaints, entreaties, and self-reproaches. Fearing that some person +might pass whom the desperate man would make a witness of this pathetic +scene, she imperiously commanded him to leave her at once, but inquire +for her in the evening at that house--she pointed to the almshouse. + +"And you did not inform me at once?" I interposed. + +"Why should I, dear friend? I knew what I had to do, and no one could +represent me. True, the hours before night closed in--the bitter and +anxious feelings seething in my soul, shame at the thought that I had +once imagined I loved this man, horror of his presence, and grief for +the downfall of a human being who had once been good and noble--you can +easily understand how all these things agitated me. But when he +entered, I had at least attained sufficient outward composure to tell +him my decision in curt, resolute words." + +"'You will swear,' I said, 'never to appear before my face again. +Your sins against me have long since been forgiven. You were like one +dead to me, and will be so once more as soon as the door has closed +between us. But you must remain unknown to others, and therefore must +agree never to mention your name here, and to leave this place early +to-morrow morning, not to return. The little I have saved I will give +you. But, if you rely on my weakness and ever again remind me of your +existence, either verbally or in writing, I will appeal to the +protection of the law, and use the right of self-defense. Here on the +table is the money. It will be enough to pay your passage to America. +What you do there is your own affair. I have made many sacrifices for +your sake; I will not allow you to ruin the last remnant of life and +peace I have won.' + +"Spare me the description of the scene the unfortunate man now +rehearsed," she continued. "Dragging himself to me on his knees, he +poured forth flatteries, curses on his evil destiny, imprecations on +the stupid world that leaves genius to languish--in short, he used the +whole stock of his pitiful theatrical arts. When he saw that he made no +impression upon me, he staggered to his feet, straightened his shabby +velvet coat, tossed back his thin locks, with a look into yonder little +mirror, and then cast a quick glance toward the table on which the +money lay. My loathing, especially as he diffused a horrible odor of +bad liquor, had grown so strong that I was afraid every moment of +fainting. Fortunately he speedily released me from his intolerable +presence. With a flood of high-sounding words, he swore to respect my +wish, until I myself changed, which he expected sooner or later from my +generous heart. Meantime he found himself compelled to accept one last +favor from me, of course only as a loan, which he would repay with +interest, when I had become convinced of his complete regeneration, and +recalled him to spend the evening of our lives in loving harmony, and +look back with a pitying smile on the storm and stress of our wandering +youth. + +"With these words he went to the table, put the money in his +breast-pocket, made a movement as if to take my hand, but, when I drew +back, cast a sorrowful glance heavenward, and with a low bow tottered +out of the room. + +"I listened to discover whether he really went away. Then, with +trembling hands, for I did not feel absolutely secure from a fresh +surprise, I bolted the door, and threw myself, utterly exhausted, upon +the bed. + +"I told myself that I could have pursued no other course--that his life +was not to be saved, even if I threw my own into the gulf of ruin after +it. Yet, my friend--the man whom I was forced to drive from my +threshold had once laid his hand in mine for an eternal union--and had +been the father of my beloved child. + +"I did not sleep quietly an hour. Every time the spring wind shook my +window and rattled the blind, I started up and listened to hear if he +was standing outside, rapping. And to-day I feel as though I were +paralyzed, and moreover have constantly before my eyes the piteous +figure of the poor, homeless man, and tremble at the thought of the woe +that may still be in store for us both." + +She then begged me to inquire whether he had been seen in the city, or +where he had gone. I soon brought her news that he had spent the night +at the "Crown Prince," did not enter the public-room, but ordered wine +and rum to be brought to him. He had not mentioned his name, and early +that morning--about eight o'clock--had departed as he came, on foot and +without luggage, after paying his bill and buying a bottle of brandy to +take with him. After giving the waiter a thaler for his fee, he turned +his steps toward the north. + +I succeeded in partially soothing her agitated mind. I spent nearly the +whole day with her, played some of her favorite melodies, and shared +the simple meal brought to her bed-side. When I at last went away, she +pressed my hand with a touching look of gratitude. "Don't forsake me, +dear friend," she said. "And do not think me an affected simpleton, +because I am lying here so helpless. I shall be in my place again +to-morrow. Only I will defer our spring concert"--she had been in the +habit of giving a musical entertainment, aided by her pupils, every +three months--"for a fortnight. I fear I should not be able to sing +with them now." + + + * * * * * + + +These words proved true, but not in the way she had meant. + +Her great strength of will soon roused her from the lethargy into which +the sad meeting with her husband had plunged her, and even on Monday +she gave her lessons as though nothing had occurred. But on Friday news +came that tore the old wounds open afresh. + +A few miles down the river, near a little village, a fisherman had +found, drifting in the water among the reeds, the body of a man with +long gray locks, dressed in a black-velvet coat. It must have been +there several days, for it was swollen and livid, like the corpses of +the drowned who do not instantly rise to the surface; besides, the +pocket-book containing his papers was completely sodden, and the +money in it spoiled by the water. In each of his two pockets he +carried a half-empty bottle. There could be no doubt that he had met +with his death while in a state of bewilderment, perhaps partial +unconsciousness. With the exception of an American passport bearing a +foreign name, nothing was found on him that could throw any light upon +his personal relations. + +Nevertheless the rumor spread with amazing celerity through the whole +neighborhood that the Canoness's missing husband had returned to find +his death in the waves of their native river. The burgomaster called on +Frau Luise to impart the sad news considerately. But the old gossips +who served her had anticipated him. + +I was with her when she received the visit of the father of the city. +"It is true," she said, "the man is my unfortunate husband. But do not +expect me to feign a grief I do not feel. That he sought death I do not +believe. He was supplied with money, and could indulge his sole +passion, which had stifled all his nobler feelings. His death was an +easy one, and now the poor restless wanderer has found repose. You can +not desire me to see him again. Have him buried as quietly as possible; +I will place a cross upon the grave at my own expense." Then, in a few +brief words, she told the worthy magistrate about her last interview +with the dead man. + +This occasion clearly revealed the love and esteem in which she was +held by the whole community, high and low. There was not a single +malicious gossip who molested her with a visit of feigned condolence, +while secretly gloating over the fact that the husband of this +much-lauded woman had met with a miserable end like any common +vagabond. On the contrary, all who could boast of her acquaintance +endeavored to show her by little attentions that the misfortune +of her life, which had here reached so tragical an end, had only made +them love and honor her the more. Not one of her pupils came to +take a singing-lesson without bringing a bunch of violets or early +lilies-of-the-valley, or a hyacinth raised at home, and no coffee-party +was given from which the hostess did not send her a plate of cakes, +which, it is true, only benefited the almshouse dames. Though Frau +Luise gratefully appreciated these discreet tokens of affection, she +was remarkably quiet and thoughtful. She wore no mourning robe, but her +soul seemed muffled in a black veil. + + + * * * * * + + +This mood was deepened by the death of the oldest of the almshouse +dames, a feeble crone of eighty-four, who had recently been unable to +perform her duties as attendant. During the last three days she was +unconscious, and her exhausted flame of life went out without a +flicker: When I spoke to my friend, who had not left her side, of this +easy death as something enviable, she shook her head gravely, and +replied: "I would prefer a different one, like my dear Uncle Joachim's. +I wish to be conscious when I am dying, to experience my own death, and +not, so to speak, steal out of the world behind my own back." + +She insisted that, at the burial in the almshouse church-yard--where +only the inmates of the almshouse were interred--her pupils should sing +a choral and Mendelssohn's "It is Appointed by God's Will," an honor +which had never before fallen to a poor woman's lot, so that some +wiseacres asserted she was overdoing the matter. But that did not +trouble her in the least. + +"When they bear me out some day," she said, as we returned from the +funeral, "see, dear friend, that I, too, find my last resting-place +yonder. I do not wish to be dragged through the whole city to the other +cemetery, with its pompous marble monuments. And place no cross on my +grave. I have borne it enough during my life; in death, let the earth +rest lightly on me. What I possess will go to my old guard; you must +attend to it, after first choosing some memento you value. Promise me +that! I have written my last will and given it to the burgomaster." + +These words could not specially disturb or sadden me. I saw her walking +by my side in the full vigor of life, and though, since the day she had +sustained such a fright, her hair had grown still more silvery, she +seemed, in her gentle melancholy, younger and fairer than ever. + +She was also even more affectionate and tender to all, including +myself. And, though I had already passed my fortieth year and ought to +have grown sensible, her mild words and the faint air of sadness that +surrounded her fanned the old flames I had with so much difficulty +subdued, and one evening they not only flashed from my eyes but darted +from my tongue. + +The heat for several days had been equal to that of summer, so we had +been weeding and watering the young plants in her garden. Then we sat +down side by side on the little bench, and I said: "Do you know, Frau +Luise, that this is the anniversary of the day on which, twenty years +ago, I first saw you?" + +She reflected a short time and then answered: "I have no memory for +dates. But I know one thing, Johannes: there has not been a single day +since then when I could have doubted you." + +While speaking, she gazed thoughtfully into vacancy, as if this great +truth were dawning upon her to-day for the first time. This gave me +some little encouragement. + +"Frau Luise," I continued, "that day seems to me like yesterday. And +not one has passed since then that I have not felt you are the dearest +creature in the world to me. But must we live on thus to the end, only +together a few hours, though we feel that we belong to each other? +You have long known my feelings. Can you not resolve to make the bond +that unites us still firmer, to grant me the right to lay my whole +insignificant self at your feet before the eyes of the world?" + +The words had leaped from my lips as if some one else had lured them +from my inmost soul, and I was startled at my boldness as I heard the +sound of my own voice. I dared not look at her. I felt, or thought I +felt, that she was forcing herself to keep calm and not rebuke my +presumption. After a long pause, she replied, in a voice whose tones +were sorrowful rather than indignant: + +"Why have you said this, Johannes? You ought to know me and be aware +that I have done with life. Do not suppose that the opinion of the +world would awe me, if I felt that I was still young enough to be happy +and make others happy. But I was probably never created to devote +myself with my whole heart to a single individual, as a true wife +ought. Even my unfortunate first love was but a delusion of my +imagination. I have every talent for friendship or for being a Sister +of Charity, and my most passionate feeling has ever been a fervent +sympathy with _pauvre humanité_, as Mademoiselle Suzon said. But you +would not wish to be married from compassion. + +"No," she continued, as I was about to protest, "it would be a cruel +pity. In a few years I should easily pass for your mother, and you +would cut a ridiculous figure in attending me through the streets. You +are still a young man and a very foolish one, as you have just proved. +Your heart must still possess a fountain of youth, though you are no +mere lad. Why don't you do me the favor to marry my Agnes, who is nine +and twenty, an epitome of every feminine virtue, and, moreover, in love +with you?" + +This Agnes was her favorite pupil, the daughter of the district +physician, and, as I lived opposite to her house, our names had already +been associated by the gossips. It was by no means humiliating to be +suspected of cherishing a special liking for this exemplary and by no +means ugly girl. But, Good Heavens, I! + +I could only shake my head and answer: "Why do I not love your Agnes? +Because I don't want to marry a bundle of virtues, but one human being, +and in fact only that one who in my eyes will always be young, and whom +I desire to call mine in order to please no mortal save myself. +However, as you have so little love for me that you would willingly +serve as a match-maker in my behalf, it was of course folly to ask if +you would become Frau Johannes Weissbrod, and I therefore most humbly +beg your pardon." + +I rose with an uncontrollable sense of grief, and, scarcely bowing to +her, stalked away like a thoroughly rude, defiant man. + +The next day, it is true, I returned humbly, and remorsefully besought +her to forgive my spiteful escapade. She was quite right; I was nothing +but a crack-brained young man who grasped at the stars, and in doing so +fell on the ground. Frau Luise gazed silently into vacancy, and then +said: "The most difficult task and the one we learn latest is to cut +our garments according to the cloth, though we feel it will grow with +us. Let us say no more about it." + +I did not exactly understand what she meant. It became clear to me +afterward. + + + * * * * * + + +We again lived on as before, and, after she had survived the spring +tempest, life seemed to become dear to her once more, though a slight +shadow rested on her brow. At Easter she gave her concert for the +benefit of the poor, which was a brilliant success. Her birthday came +just after Whitsuntide, and, in token of the love and gratitude of the +whole community, was to be celebrated with special pomp. I, of course, +began the festival with a morning serenade executed under her windows +by my pupils, after which she invited the whole choir in and treated +them to coffee and cakes. At ten o'clock the burgomaster's wife and her +most distinguished friends called, and attended her in a stately +procession down to the shore of the lake. There the greatest surprise +awaited her. The burgomaster had sent to Berlin several days before for +a machinist and some assistants to inspect the little steamer and put +her in safe condition to make an excursion over the mirror-like surface +of the lake. The boiler and engine were found to be still in tolerable +order, and a trial trip was taken at night whose result was perfectly +satisfactory. + +When we came down to the shore, the little vessel, gayly decked with +flags, hung with garlands of fir, and sending upward a light column of +smoke from its smokestack, looked extremely pretty and inviting; and +Frau Luise's eyes dilated with astonishment when she understood that +this smoke was floating from the stack, so long empty, in honor of her. +The burgomaster's wife and I led her across the long, swaying plank +that extended to the deck; but here she was so startled that she almost +made a misstep, for an exultant pæan suddenly resounded with such +vehement, youthful energy from invisible throats that it was almost too +much for her composure. Her pupils had posted themselves behind a +canvas awning, which was afterward drawn over the deck as a protection +from the sun, and in the excitement of the moment were singing the +festal melody I had composed and arranged with more regard to the +feelings of their hearts than the rules of art, by which state of +affairs neither words nor music were especially enhanced. However, in +the open air and amid the general emotion, this modest overture +performed its part acceptably. Then the deck suddenly became thronged +with joyous, loving faces; and, when the anchor was weighed and the +little vessel swept with majestic calmness through the glittering +water, first along the shore and then across the lake to the little +grove, while the chorus of fresh young voices, now mindful of every +nicety of execution they owed to their mistress, began the superb air, +"Who has Thee, Forest Fair--" I saw the sweet face of the woman I loved +illumined with gentle, divine emotion, and was forced to turn away that +my tears might fall into the water unobserved. + +But all this was merely the prelude to the festival. The banquet was +served in the wood, where, in an open space under tall fir-trees, stood +a large table adorned with bouquets and covered with dishes, which had +been brought there early in the morning, and received the last dressing +over an improvised hearth by some experienced housekeepers. Under the +seat that had been arranged for the heroine of the day lay the gift her +young friends had prepared, a large rug for her room, the work of many +industrious hands, and as gayly adorned with the most beautiful +garlands of roses and arabesques of violets as provincial love could +accomplish. Still, here amid the green foliage and before the festal +board, the strange work of art with its glaring colors and grotesque +flourishes looked very bright, and each of the fellow-workers won from +the deeply agitated recipient a kiss and clasp of the hand. After this +we took our places at the table, and began the feast with the best +possible appetite. + +Of course, there was no lack of admirable speeches, merry clinking of +glasses, and frequent embraces between the feminine members of the +party, during which I played the part of envious spectator. I also +contributed my shred to the general eloquence by emptying my glass to +the health of the six almshouse dames, who were seated in holiday garb +at the table below, and imagined themselves in Paradise--never had they +dreamed of such honors and delights on earth. Their patroness, the +queen, had not even been obliged to stipulate that they were not to +remain at home. The givers of the festival knew that without her +faithful followers something would be lacking from the pleasures of the +day. + +Of course, the meal did not pass without singing, and, when we had +risen from the table and were enjoying a little rest on the moss-grown +soil of the wood, the young ladies walked arm in arm in little groups +along the dusky woodland-paths, raising their voices in an alternative +melody very sweet to hear. All sorts of games followed, in which, +however, the presence of young men was secretly missed. I was malicious +enough to remain with the mothers or talk with the six or seven fathers +who had joined the party, in order not to go near Agnes, whom my cruel +friend, as a punishment for my sins, desired to force upon me as a +wife. + +I saw that the long-continued festivity was wearying her, though she +exerted herself to acknowledge, with unvarying winsomeness, the efforts +made by these worthy people. I heard her cough, so I drew the +burgomaster's wife aside and persuaded her to give the signal for +departure. + +After some delay and discussion we all went on board the steamer again, +and, making a wide sweep around the lake, returned to our harbor. + +Frau Luise stood on deck in the bow of the vessel with several of her +favorite pupils near her; no one uttered a word. We were allowing the +memories of this delightful day to re-echo in our hearts. Her head was +turned toward the west, where the sun was slowly sinking, and her dear +face and tall figure were warmly illumined by the crimson glow. With +what a youthful light her eyes sparkled! The silvery luster of her hair +had vanished in the golden radiance. It seemed impossible to believe +that this woman had just celebrated her forty-fourth birthday. + +"Sing something!" said Agnes, who stood nearest. "Ah, yes, do sing!" +entreated the others. + +She did not seem to have heard them. Yet suddenly, as if in a dream, +she sang, _mezza voce_, an Italian air, an aria from Paësiello, of +which she was especially fond. And, as the steamer swept on into the +crimson light, the song rose clearer and stronger till she poured forth +the full power of her voice, whose every note must have been distinctly +audible on the shore. The whole company had gradually glided closer to +us, and I saw by their rapt faces how they were enjoying the foreign +beauty of the melody, whose words no one understood. Even the people on +the shore, peasants with their carts and solitary pedestrians, stopped +as if enchanted, and gazed at the black ship slowly dividing the waves +bearing a singing nixie on her deck. + +Then the vessel turned, and the sun was behind us. The aria was +finished, and the burgomaster had given the signal for applause, in +which all joined with great fervor. When silence was restored, and the +group waited for the singing to be resumed, she began, without waiting +to be asked, Beethoven's "Knows't thou the Land!" which she had +transposed to suit the deeper notes of her voice. "Mignon certainly had +an alto voice," she once jestingly said to me. Never had I heard her +sing it so superbly, never heard the "Thither! thither!" express such +strong, sweet, uncontrollable yearning. We reached the landing-place +just as the last notes died away. The burgomaster was so deeply moved +that he forgot to applaud, went to her, and, with tears in his honest +old eyes, bent, seized both hands, and faltered: "I thank you, I thank +you a thousand times, madame! This is the fairest day of my life! You +have made us all happy." + +She smiled and looked at me. "It was my swan song," she said. "I fear I +shall be obliged to give up singing. Just hear how hoarse this little +exertion has suddenly made me." + +I saw her shiver slightly, and hastened to wrap a shawl around her. +"Good-night, my dear friends," she said. "I owe you all thanks for a +pleasure never to be forgotten. Forgive me for taking my leave so +abruptly. But this was a little too much joy for an old woman who has +not deserved so much love and kindness. No, I am perfectly well; a +little rest will make me quite myself again. My beautiful rug must be +put in my room at once. I will feast my eyes on the lovely flowers and +think of the dear givers till I fall asleep." + +She then shook hands with every one. As I helped her across the plank +to the shore, I felt the difficulty she experienced in holding herself +erect. "It is nothing, dear friend," she whispered hoarsely. "My heart +is as light as a bird's, only my limbs are heavy. My good mother Grabow +shall put me to bed. Perhaps I took cold in the wood. But you know I am +like a cork figure, my head is always uppermost. Good-night." + + + * * * * * + + +I had by no means a good night. When, before school the next morning, I +inquired at the almshouse for Frau Luise, she was still asleep, that +is, she was lying in a feverish dream, raving incoherently without +recognizing any one. I spoke to the doctor, who had been already called +in the night. The old man had the thoughtful wrinkle between his bushy +eyebrows that always boded trouble. + +"But she is so strong and full of vital energy," I said. + +"The strongest constitutions fare the worst. But we can still hope, and +she could not be more carefully nursed if she were a princess." + +It was the same at noon. I spent the whole day with her, had a couch +made up for me in the music-room at night, and the following morning +sent a message to my friend the head teacher--who meantime had been +made superintendent of the school--requesting him to do me the favor to +take charge of my classes. I was unable to do my duty while my friend's +life was in danger. + +This lasted four, five days. The doctor shook his head more and more +despairingly. "I can give the disease no special name! It is a sort +of nervous fever, but in a very unusual form, and the ordinary remedies +do not avail. It is fortunate that she is unconscious. Only the +expression of pain on her face shows that she has a dull sense of the +life-and-death struggle raging in her frame." + +During those days it seemed as though the little almshouse had been +transferred to the heart of the city. Instead of being solitary and +deserted as usual, it was now constantly surrounded by a crowd of +persons of all ages and sexes, treading lightly with a sorrowful look +on their faces. They did not venture to ring the bell, and indeed it +was not necessary: one of the old dames was constantly cowering outside +of the door, and gave to all questions the same sad answer. When +prominent people came, I was obliged to go out and reply to the queries +myself. Every one thought it was a matter of course that I now belonged +to the household. + +Scarcely any change occurred in her critical condition, nothing save a +slight ebb and flow of the fever, a lower or louder intonation of the +voice, as she raved of the visions of her bewildered brain. Sometimes, +with wide-open eyes that rested on nothing, she repeated correctly and +distinctly a few lines from one of her husband's parts. Sometimes she +seemed to be talking with her son, and a happy smile that pierced me to +the heart flitted over her colorless lips. Sometimes she sang, but only +diatonic scales, and when her voice failed to reach the high notes she +shook her head mournfully, whispering: "Too high, too high! Trees must +not grow to the sky. Down! down! It is pleasant to dwell below." + +At such times I could not restrain my tears. + +But, on the fifth day, a crisis seemed imminent. The fever had lessened +several degrees; the old doctor's face, for the first time, wore a +hopeful look. + +He gave several directions, and promised to come in the next morning +earlier than usual. I could send home the young girls, who called at a +late hour to inquire, with a little hope, which, however, I did not +feel myself. Then I returned to my post. It was Mother Schulzen's turn +to keep watch that night, but she was so deaf that I could not trust +the invalid solely to her, though nothing would have induced her to go +to bed. She was sitting in a low chair by the wall, and, after keeping +herself awake for a while by knitting and taking snuff, at last fell +peacefully asleep. + +A lamp, protected by a green shade, was burning in the room; outside, +the moon was sailing through a cloudless sky; deep silence surrounded +us. Frau Luise had not uttered a word since noon, and for the first +time seemed to be quietly asleep. + +Suddenly--it was about ten o'clock--while I sat by the bed without +turning my eyes from her face, her eyes slowly opened and wandered +about the room with a strained gaze till they rested upon me. Then she +said, in a perfectly clear voice: "I feel wonderfully well!" + +After a pause, during which I scarcely ventured to breathe, as if the +slightest sound might drive the approaching convalescence away, she +murmured: "Are you here, dear friend? Have I slept long? How delightful +that I can see you as soon as I wake!" + +She moved her hand as if seeking something. I timidly clasped it, and +stooped to press my burning brow upon it. Just at that moment I felt +her other hand laid gently on my head, and, while stroking my hair, she +continued in the same calm voice: + +"My last hour is near, Johannes. But I am glad that I have waked once +more before the long night begins. I have something to say to you, my +friend. You know the tenor of my last will, and that I wish to be laid +in the church-yard outside with my old almshouse friends. If there is a +Day of Judgment, I would like to rise with my body-guard; they have +spoiled me; I could no longer do without their service. And let my +coffin be covered with the rug; afterward it shall belong to you. Do +you hear me? Come a little nearer. What I now have to say is to be a +secret between us two. I deceived you when I told you, a short time +ago, that I was not created to see the universe in a single individual. +It cost me no little effort, for my heart belied my lips. I should have +been very happy if I could have become your wife. I knew that long, +long ago--ever since the day you took our Joachimchen in your arms when +he grew weary and carried him home, I said to myself: 'Could I possess +this child and this man, no wish would remain ungratified.' But it +might not be. I was obliged to bury the child and hide my love for the +man in the inmost depths of my heart. But it always lived on there, and +now I can thank you, Johannes, for all the love and faith you have +lavished upon me. Lift my head a little--there--I want to see you +clearly once more, and--it is strange--my eyes are so heavy, though my +soul is awake." + +I helped her rise higher on her pillows, bowed my face nearer hers, and +saw her eyes fixed on me with strange brilliancy. + +"I love you, my friend," she said. "There is not one false line in your +face nor in your heart, but a great sorrow now fills both. Be happy, +dear one, and remember your friend without tears. Shall I not remain +with you, wherever I go? True, to see each other again--" She slowly +shook her head. "Ah, if I might only see you and my boy--but the other +masks--no, no! We have eaten at the table of life here below till we +are satisfied--or rather, we are wise and stop just when the food +tastes best; now others will sit in our chairs. But we will first +cordially wish each other 'a good appetite!' Come! kiss me once, just +as a loving husband kisses his beloved wife--then I will stretch myself +out and take my afternoon rest." + +My quivering lips touched her cool mouth. "Dear Johannes!" she +murmured, clasping my hand tightly as she fell back on the pillows. +Then she smiled once more, an unearthly smile, and closed her eyes. Her +hand trembled a little. + +An hour after it lay cold and still in mine. + + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 1: Bunzlau is famed for its pottery.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 2: A round hole in a tailor's table, through which he brushes +useless bits of cloth, and--as is generally supposed--some that are +valuable.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 3: An old coin, worth a little more than the groschen now in +general use; for a time both circulated together.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 4: The bug-bear of German nurseries.--Tr.] + + + + THE END. + + + + + + + _D. APPLETON & CO.'S PUBLICATIONS_. + + + * * * * * + + + PAUL HEYSE'S NOVELS. + + +THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS. A LIFE-HISTORY. By Paul Heyse, author of +"In Paradise," etc. Translated from the German by J. M. Percival. 12mo. +Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + + +IN PARADISE. A NOVEL. From the German of Paul Heyse. A new edition. In +two vols. 12mo, half bound (in boards, with red cloth backs and paper +sides). Price, for the two vols., $1.50. + +"We may call 'In Paradise' a great novel with the utmost confidence in +our judgment of it."--_N. Y. Evening Post_. + + +TALES OF PAUL HEYSE. 16mo. Paper, 25 cents; cloth, 60 cents. + + + * * * * * + + +ARIUS THE LIBYAN: AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH. A new edition in new +style, at a reduced price. 12mo, cloth. $1.25. + +"Arius the Libyan" is a stirring and vivid picture of the Christian +Church in the latter part of the third and beginning of the fourth +century. It is an admirable companion volume to General Wallace's "Ben +Hur." + +"Portrays the life and character of the primitive Christians with great +force and vividness of imagination."--_Harper's Magazine_. + + + * * * * * + + S. BARING-GOULD'S NOVELS. + + +RED SPIDER. A NOVEL. 12mo, paper. 60 cents. + +"A well-told and neatly-contrived story, with several excellent figures +exhibiting broad traits of human character with vivacity and +distinctness."--_London Athenæum_. + + +LITTLE TU'PENNY. A TALE. 12mo, paper. 25 cents. + +This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the _London +Graphic_, appearing here in advance of its completion in London. + + +GABRIELLE ANDRE. 8vo, paper. 60 cents. + + + * * * * * + +THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND. A NOVEL. By Maxwell Grey. 12mo, paper. 50 +cents. + +"The Silence of Dean Maitland" is by a new English author who gives +promise in this striking story of a brilliant future. It is a novel of +a high intellectual order, strong in plot and character. + + +A GAME OF CHANCE. A NOVEL. By Anne Sheldon Coombs, author of "As Common +Mortals." 12mo. Cloth, $1.00. + +"A Game of Chance," by Mrs. Coombs, will, in its fresh and vigorous +character drawing, and its fidelity to American life, fully justify the +expectations awakened by her first novel, "As Common Mortals." + + +IN THE GOLDEN DAYS. A NOVEL. By Edna Lyall, author of "Donovan," "We +Two," "Won by Waiting," "Knight-Errant." A new edition, uniform with +the author's other books. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"'In the Golden Days' is an excellent novel of a kind we are always +particularly glad to recommend. It has a good foundation of plot and +incident, a thoroughly noble and wholesome motive, a hero who really +acts and suffers heroically, and two very nice heroines. The historical +background is very carefully indicated, but is never allowed to become +more than background."--_Guardian_. + +ARIUS THE LIBYAN; AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE + +CHURCH. _A new edition in new style, at a reduced price_. 12mo. Cloth, +$1.25. + +"Arius the Libyan" is a stirring and vivid picture of the Christian +Church in the latter part of the third and beginning of the fourth +century. It is an admirable companion volume to General Wallace's +"Ben Hur." + + +A DATELESS BARGAIN. A NOVEL. By C. L. Pirkis, author of "Judith Wynne," +etc. 12mo. Paper cover, 30 cents. + +"A clever and interesting novel."--_London Literary World_. + +"Mrs. Pirkis has supplied fresh proof of her skill in turning out very +good and workmanlike fiction."--_Academy_. + + +TEMPEST-DRIVEN. A ROMANCE. By Richard Dowling. 12mo. Paper cover, 50 +cents. + + +THE GREAT HESPER. A ROMANCE. By Frank Barrett. 12mo. Paper cover, 25 +cents. + +"Two of the scenes of this tale can lay claim to more power than +anything of the kind that has yet been written."--_London Post_. + + +DICK'S WANDERING. A NOVEL. By Julian Sturgis, author of "John +Maidment," "An Accomplished Gentleman," etc. _A new edition_. 12mo. +Paper cover, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + + +MISS CHURCHILL: A STUDY. By Christian Reid, author of "A Daughter of +Bohemia," "Morton House," "Bonny Kate," etc., etc. 12mo. Cloth, $1.00; +paper, 50 cents. + +The author calls "Miss Churchill" _a study_, for the reason that it +consists so largely of a study of character; but there is no little +variety of scene in the story, the action taking place partly in the +South and partly in Europe, while the experiences and vicissitudes of +the heroine are of great interest. The contrasts of place and character +make it a very vivid picture. + + +THE MASTER OF THE CEREMONIES. A NOVEL. By George Manville Fenn, author +of "Double Cunning," etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +"The interest in the plot is skillfully kept up to the +end."--_Academy_. + +"The story is very interesting."--_Athenæum_. + + +LIL LORIMER. A NOVEL. By Theo Gift, author of "Pretty Miss Bellew," +etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 15 cents. + +Lil Lorimer, the heroine of this novel, is a character marked by many +individual and fascinating qualities, and enlists the sympathies of the +reader to an unusual degree. The action of the story takes place partly +in South America, with an English family residing there, affording some +fresh and striking pictures of life. + + +IN ONE TOWN. A NOVEL. By Edmund Downey. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents. + +"A story of unusual merit; by turns romantic, pathetic, and +humorous."--_Westminster Review_. + + +A ZEALOT IN TULLE. A NOVEL. By Mrs. Wildrick. 12mo. Cloth, $1.00; +paper, 50 cents. + +The scenes of "A Zealot in Tulle" are laid in Florida, the introductory +part in Florida of seventy years ago; the main story in Florida of +to-day. The plot turns mainly upon romantic incidents connected with a +treasure buried in an old fort by the Spaniards at the time of their +occupancy. + + +THE WITCHING TIME: TALES FOR THE YEAR'S END. By F. Marion Crawford, W. +E. Norris, Laurence Alma Tadema, Vernon Lee, Edmund Gosse, and others. +Uniform with "The Broken Shaft." 12mo. Paper cover, 25 cents. + + +KATY OF CATOCTIN; or, The Chain-Breakers. A National Romance. By Geo. +Alfred Townsend, "Gath." 12mo, cloth, $1.50. + +"Katy of Catoctin," now just published, is a stirring national romance, +opening with the raid of John Brown at Harper's Ferry and closing with +the death of Lincoln. It is a picturesque and romantic story, partly +historical and partly domestic, full of dramatic incidents, and marked +by vivid delineations of character. + + +THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND. A Novel. By Maxwell Grey. 12mo, paper, 50 +cents. + +"The Silence of Dean Maitland" is by a new English author who gives +promise in this striking story of a brilliant future. It is a novel of +a high intellectual order, strong in plot and character. + +"Distinctly the novel of the year."--_Academy_. + +"The work of a literary artist of great promise. It is a brilliantly +written novel, but it is more than a novel. It is a work of exceptional +dramatic power, and is both rich in melodramatic incident and +spectacle, and has in it the essence of the noblest kind of tragedy.... +It is full of thrilling incident, powerful description, and scenes of +most moving pathos."--_Scotsman_. + + +LITTLE TU'PENNY. A Tale. By S. Baring Gould. 12mo, paper. New +Twenty-five Cent Series. + +This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the _London +Graphic_, appearing here in advance of its completion in London. + + +DR. HEIDENHOFF'S PROCESS. A Tale. By Edward Bellamy. New edition, 12mo, +paper, 25 cents. + +"It might have been written by Edgar Poe."--_The London Spectator_. + +"Unlike any story we have seen, perfectly original and new."--_London +Daily News_. + + +DEAR LIFE, A Novel. By J. E. Panton, author of "Jane Caldicott," "The +Curate's Wife," etc. 12mo, paper cover, 25 cents. + +"A good, strong story, well worked out, and told in straightforward +fashion.... The fundamental idea of Mr. Panton's plot is +novel."--_London Saturday Review_. + + +PEPITA XIMENEZ. A Novel. From the Spanish of Juan Valera. With an +introduction by the author written specially for this edition. 12mo. +Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +Señor Don Juan Valera, recently Spanish minister to our Government, is +recognized as the most prominent literary man of the time in Spain. He +is the author of some eight or ten novels, the most recent and +successful of which is "Pepita Ximenez," which has appeared in eight +editions in Spain, and been translated into German, French, Italian, +and Bohemian. Nothing more charming has appeared in recent literature. + + +A POLITICIAN'S DAUGHTER. A Novel. By Myra Sawyer Hamlin. 12mo. Half +bound, 75 cents. + +"A Politician's Daughter" is a bright, vivacious novel, based on a more +than usual knowledge of American social and political life. + + +ALIETTE (La Morte). By Octave Feuillet, author of "The Romance of a +Poor Young Man," etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +"There is no sort of doubt that M. Octave Feuillet has produced a +little book of immense power, in which the sketches of character are as +vivid as if he had had no moral after-thought in his work."--_London +Spectator_. + +"Nobody can deny that M. Feuillet has made a very strong hit in 'La +Morte.' ... Altogether the machinery of the novel is excellent and the +interest admirably sustained."--_London Saturday Review_. + +"The development of the characters is most skillful, and while the +journal form into which the beginning and end are thrown Imposes +special difficulties upon the author, there is no loss of power in +these parts. Perhaps the most subtile thing in the book is the +exposition, in the contrasted characters of Dr. Tallevaut and Sabine, +of the two ways in which the modern scientific education may operate; +and of the radical difference in the effect of such teaching upon one +whose mind has been formed under religious influences and one whose +growing intellect has been carefully guarded against all spiritual +beliefs and doctrines. The figure of Aliette is the least strongly +drawn, yet she is perfectly intelligible. Sabine is startling, and will +no doubt be called unnatural, but it would be unreasonable to Bay that +a girl with such a temperament, so educated, might not grow into such a +woman."--_New York Tribune_. + +"Merit of a most unusual kind."--_London Athenæum_. + + +THE DIARY OF A WOMAN. By Octave Feuillet. 16mo. Paper, 25 cents; cloth, +60 cents. + + +WON BY WAITING. A Novel. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"The Dean's daughters are perfectly real characters--the learned +Cornelia especially; the little impulsive French heroine, who endures +their cold hospitality and at last wins their affection, is thoroughly +charming; while throughout the book there runs a golden thread of pure +brotherly and sisterly love, which pleasantly reminds us that the +making and marring of marriage is not, after all, the sum total of real +life."--_London Academy_. + + +WE TWO. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"Well written and full of interest. The story abounds with a good many +light touches, and is certainly far from lacking in incident."--_London +Times_. + +"'We Two' contains many very exciting passages and a great deal of +information. Miss Lyall is a capable writer of fiction, and also a +clear-headed thinker."--_From the Athenæum_. + +"We recommend all novel-readers to read this novel with the care +which such a strong, uncommon, and thoughtful book demands and +deserves."--_From the Spectator_. + + +DONOVAN; A MODERN ENGLISHMAN. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"Distinctly a novel with a high aim successfully attained. The +character-drawing is vigorous and truthful."--_Pall Mall Gazette_. + +"This story is told with vigor and Intelligence, and throughout the +book is well imagined and well written. It is a novel of sterling +merit, being fresh and original In conception, thoroughly healthy +in tone, interesting in detail, and sincere and capable in +execution."--_From the Academy_. + + +THE ALIENS. A Novel. By Henry F. Keenan, author of "Trajan," etc. 12mo. +Cloth, $1.25. + +"The Aliens "is a stirring, picturesque romance, depicting life and +character in strong contrasts, and marked by an affluent and vivid +style. The scene of the story is laid in the western part of the State +of New York, about fifty years ago--the events coming down to the time +of the Mexican War. + +"He colors richly, warmly, and with the dash of an artist; ... and his +characters grow, and are not manufactured; ... the freshest and most +readable American novel of the season."--_Philadelphia Bulletin_. + +"The prevailing merit of the story is the vivid sense of reality which +the writer gives to scenes and characters; ... above all things, +interesting."--_Rochester Post-Express_. + +"Not second to 'Trajan' in character-painting, felicity of diction, +well-managed conversations, pathos, and humor."--_Journal of Commerce_. + +"Thoroughly interesting in plot, and told with equal skill and +animation."--_Boston Gazette_. + + + * * * * * + New York: D. 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Appleton and Company"> +<meta name="Date" content="1887"> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1"> +<style type="text/css"> +body {margin-left:10%; + margin-right:10%; background-color:#FFFFFF;} + + + +p.normal {text-indent:.25in; text-align: justify;} +p.center {text-align:center; margin-top:9pt;} + + +p.right {text-align:right; margin-right:20%;} + +p.continue {text-indent: 0in; margin-top:9pt;} +.text10 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:10%; margin-right:0px; font-size:90%;} +.text20 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:20%; margin-right:0px; font-size:90%;} + +.t0 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:0em; margin-right:0px;} +.t1 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:1em; margin-right:0px;} +.t2 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:2em; margin-right:0px;} +.t3 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:3em; margin-right:0px;} +.t4 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:4em; margin-right:0px;} +.t5 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:5em; margin-right:0px;} +.t6 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:6em; margin-right:0px;} +.t7 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:7em; margin-right:0px;} +.t8 {margin-top:0px; margin-bottom:0px; margin-left:8em; margin-right:0px;} + +.quote {font-size:90%; margin-top:24pt; margin-bottom:24pt} +.dateline {text-align:right; font-size:90%; margin-right:10%; margin-top:24pt; margin-bottom:24pt} + +h1,h2,h3,h4,h5 {text-align: center;} + +span.sc {font-variant: small-caps; font-size:100%} +.space {letter-spacing: 1em; text-align:center; margin-bottom:24pt; margin-top:24pt;} + + +hr.W10 {width:10%; margin-top:12pt; margin-bottom:12pt; + color:black;} + +hr.W20 {width:20%; margin-top:12pt; margin-bottom:12pt; + color:black;} + +hr.W50 {width:50%; margin-top:12pt; color:black;} +hr.W90 {width:90%; margin-top:12pt; color:black;} + +p.hang1 {margin-left:1em; text-indent:-1em;} +p.hang2 {margin-left:1em; text-indent:0em;} + +.poem { + margin-top: 24pt; + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + text-align: left; + margin-bottom: 24pt + } + .poem .stanza { + margin : 1em 0; + margin-top:24pt; + } + +</style> + +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Romance of the Canoness, by Paul Heyse + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Romance of the Canoness + A Life-History + +Author: Paul Heyse + +Translator: J. M. Percival + +Release Date: October 22, 2010 [EBook #33879] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Bowen, from page images provided by Google Books + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p class="hang1">Transcriber's Notes:<br> +1. Page scan source: http://books.google.com/books?id=E1ETAAAAYAAJ&dq</p> + +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<div style="line-height:500%"> +<h1>THE ROMANCE<br> + +OF THE CANONESS.</h1> + +<h2><i>A LIFE-HISTORY</i></h2> +</div> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h4>BY</h4> +<h3>PAUL HEYSE</h3> +<h4>AUTHOR OF "IN PARADISE," ETC.</h4> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h4>TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN BY</h4> +<h3>J. M. PERCIVAL</h3> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h3>NEW YORK<br> +D. APPLETON AND COMPANY<br> +1887</h3> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h4>Copyright, 1887,</h4> +<h3><span class="sc">By D. APPLETON AND COMPANY</span>.</h3> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2>NOTE BY THE TRANSLATOR.</h2> +<br> + +<p class="normal">The title of this book, in the German, is "Der Roman der Stiftsdame," +<i>stiftsdame</i> being rendered in this version <i>canoness</i>. It is desirable +to explain that <i>stiftsdame</i> is the name given to a female member of +certain religious communities or orders, originally Roman Catholic, the +members of which lived in common but without taking monastic vows. +After the Reformation, Protestant houses of a similar kind were +organized. The privileges of these communities are often secured by +noblemen for their daughters, who may at any subsequent period enter +the stift or chapter of the order, but who forfeit this right in case +of marriage.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h3>THE</h3> +<h2>ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS.</h2> +<hr class="W10"> + + +<p class="normal">In June, 1864, a visit I had promised to pay one of the friends of my +youth led me into the heart of the province of Brandenburg. I could +travel by the railway as far as the little city of St. ----, but from +this place was compelled to hire a carriage for two or three miles, as +the estate, which my friend had owned several years, did not even +possess the advantage of a daily stage. So, on reaching St. ----, +I applied to the landlord of the "Crown-Prince"--who was also +postmaster--for a carriage, and, as it was past three o'clock in the +afternoon, and the drive over shadeless roads in the early heat of +summer would not be particularly agreeable, I begged him not to hurry, +but give me time to have a glimpse of the little city and its environs.</p> + +<p class="normal">The landlord replied that the poor little place had no sights worth +looking at. As a native of a great capital who had removed to the +province, he displayed a compassionate contempt for his present +residence. The situation was not bad, and the "lake" the most +abundantly stocked with fish in the whole Mark. If I kept straight on +in that direction--he pointed across the square marketplace on which +his hostelry stood--I should get a view of the water just beyond the +city-wall.</p> + +<p class="normal">To a traveler who is less thoroughly familiar with the local history of +the Mart than my friend, Theodor Fontane, and who suddenly finds +himself transferred from the capital to the province, one of these +little cities looks very much like another. The first feeling amid the +neat little houses--most of them only a story high, while walking over +the rough pavement kept as clean as the floor of an old maid's room, or +passing through the quiet squares planted with acacias or ancient +lindens, where nothing is stirring save flocks of noisy sparrows--is a +secret doubt whether real people actually dwell here, people who take +an active interest in the life of the present day, or whether we have +not strayed into a pretty, gigantic toy village, which has merely been +set up here for a time and will soon be taken down and packed into +boxes like Nuremberg carvings.</p> + +<p class="normal">This impression of fairy illusion and enchantment, which would speedily +vanish, was enhanced by the sultry calm, portending an approaching +thunder-storm, that brooded over the streets and squares and kept the +inhabitants indoors. Here and there I saw behind the glittering +window-panes the face of an old woman or a fair-haired young girl, not +peering out between the pots of geranium and cactus to look after the +stranger with provincial curiosity, but gazing into vacancy with a +strange expression of gentle melancholy. The few persons I met in the +street also wore this pensive look, as if some great universal calamity +had happened, which quenched the cheerfulness of even the most +indifferent.</p> + +<p class="normal">I therefore pursued my walk somewhat cheerlessly, and not until I had +reached the wall, which rose to a moderate height on both sides of the +ancient city-gate, did the oppression of this sultry afternoon calm +abandon me. Not less than four rows of the most magnificent old trees, +among which several huge maples and chestnuts stretched their gigantic +branches skyward, cast a broad belt of shade over the dreary little +place, and were not only animated by the notes of birds, but by the +shouts and laughter of countless children, who had seen the light of +the world in the silent houses. Their nurses sat knitting and gossiping +on the numerous benches; yet even on their faces I fancied I perceived +the sorrowful expression I had noticed in the other inhabitants of the +city.</p> + +<p class="normal">It would have been pleasant to linger here in the shade among the +little ones. But I remembered that I must do my duty as a tourist and +see the lake, which even the postmaster had mentioned approvingly. At +the end of a long avenue of poplars, leading from the gate over the +level plain, I saw the white-capped waves sparkling in the sunlight, +and quickened my pace in order to return the sooner to the cool shade +of the dense foliage.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet the scene that opened below, before my gaze, was indeed wonderfully +charming. A bright, semicircular basin, as clear as a mirror, whose +circuit it would probably have required a full hour to make, lay amid +the most luxuriant green meadows and a few tilled fields, in which the +lighter hue of the young grain stood forth in strong relief. The shore +was encircled by a dense border of sedges, whose brown tops, whenever a +faint breeze blew, waved gently to and fro as though stirred by their +own weight. The opposite bank, which rose in a gradual ascent, was +clothed with a dark grove of firs, whose reddish trunks were reflected +in the water, and around whose tops hovered flocks of crows and jays, +whose harsh screams ever and anon interrupted the oppressive silence.</p> + +<p class="normal">The avenue of poplars led directly to the harbor, which was marked by +half a dozen gayly painted boats. These had been drawn up on the sand, +but their owners had not thought it worth while to fasten them to a +stake, as if it would be quite impossible for them to voluntarily drift +away from the shore. Near these skiffs I was surprised by the sight of +a steamer, similar in size and form to the coasters so much used in the +German Ocean. The light green garlands of fir, with which it was +profusely adorned, formed a strange contrast to its slanting smokestack +and the damaged condition of the deck-rail. But I looked about me in +vain for some person who might have told me how this craft, which must +have once seen better days, had reached the quiet inland lake and been +decked in its gay festal array, like a shame-faced old man holding a +jubilee.</p> + +<p class="normal">Still keeping my eyes fixed on the opposite grove, I strolled slowly +along the broad path by the shore of the lake, unheeding the sun, as a +refreshing coolness rose from the water. But ere I had advanced a +hundred paces I discovered, half hidden behind some tall lindens, +several lonely buildings, a long, narrow, gable-roofed house, without +any architectural ornamentation, which looked more like a store-house +than a dwelling, yet showed by the little white curtains at the +window-frames, and the flowering plants inclosed by trellis-work +fences, that human beings lived there. A few low huts or sheds adjoined +it in the rear, the long front faced the lake; but the view was here +partly cut off by a little church or chapel, also of the plainest +structure, and so low that a man on horseback might have easily glanced +into the swallows' nests under its weather-beaten roof. Yet the poor +little church, with its four blind arched windows and tiny steeple, +looked cheerful and picturesque, for an ancient ivy had climbed the +narrow rear wall, and, while the trunk clung naked and bare to the +masonry, the luxuriant branches, twining over cornice and roof, had +flung a thick mantle over the shoulders of the shabby building.</p> + +<p class="normal">Here, too, all was desolate and silent. But a peasant lad, who had been +fishing in the lake and was now running home, answered my queries so +far as to enable me to learn that the long building was the almshouse, +and the chapel belonged to it, but there were no religious services +held there now; and no one, except the paupers, were buried in the +little grave-yard, whose sunken, slanting black crosses gleamed from +under the shadow of the lindens. When I asked if I could go into the +chapel, the child stared at me in astonishment, shook his flaxen head, +and sped away on his little bare feet as swiftly as though the earth +was beginning to scorch them.</p> + +<p class="normal">I now walked slowly around the chapel, and approached the house. +Standing on a little bench in the flower-garden, before an open window, +was a tall figure clad in black, gazing motionless into the dwelling. +He was apparently a man of middle age, with smooth, brown hair, which +fell slightly over a high forehead. The profile, whose noble lines +denoted marked character, was strongly relieved against the whitewashed +wall; the sun shone fiercely on his head and back, but, without heeding +it, he held his hat before him in both hands, and did not even turn +when I passed. The sound of my steps apparently did not reach his ear. +His coat was old-fashioned in cut, but his appearance was by no means +provincial. I would gladly have accosted him, had it not seemed as if +he were listening to something, inaudible to me, that was being said +inside the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I quietly passed him and went to the gable side of the house. On the +steps in front of the open door sat an aged dame, stooping so far +forward that her big black crêpe cap shaded the tiny old book she held +in her lap. A pair of large horn spectacles rested on the open pages, +and her sharp red nose nodded strangely like the beak of a bird that is +trying to peck at something. She was not asleep, for she sometimes +sighed so heavily that the capstrings under her withered chin trembled. +Then her yellow shriveled hand grasped a small lead box lying on the +stone step beside her, and she took a pinch of snuff.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Can you still read, mother?" I asked, stopping before her.</p> + +<p class="normal">She looked up at me without the slightest sign of surprise. The stern, +withered old face wore the anxious expression of a deaf person.</p> + +<p class="normal">I repeated my question.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Not so very well, sir," she replied in her Mark dialect. "When one has +seventy-seven years on one's back the old eyes are of little use. But I +can still manage tolerably with the hymn-book. I need only see the +numbers and the big letters at the beginning to remember the whole at +once; and if I can't get one verse exactly right, I think of the next +one. Whoever has had experiences, and fears and loves the Lord, can +make a verse for many a hymn in the book."</p> + +<p class="normal">"You have a beautiful spot for your old age, mother, and are well taken +care of, it seems to me."</p> + +<p class="normal">The aged dame wore a new dark calico dress, and over her thin shoulders +lay a black shawl, which, spite of the heat, she had pinned close.</p> + +<p class="normal">"It's very comfortable, my dear sir, it's very comfortable," she +replied, taking a pinch of snuff with her trembling hand. "The Canoness +said so, too; that's why she didn't wish to go away again, not even +when they wanted to take her to the castle. But she planted the +flowers, and we have only kept our gardens so neat since she has been +here. Well, everything will soon be at sixes and sevens again. You see, +when I first came, thirteen years ago, just after my husband and my +eldest daughter died, and there wasn't a soul to care for Mother +Schulzen, I thought I should lead a wretched life in the almshouse. A +silver groschen every day, free lodging, peat, and light, six groschen +every quarter for beer money, and a bit of land where everybody can +plant potatoes--that was hardly enough for a living. Dear me! A person +who hasn't much is soon satisfied, and there is apt to be something put +by for a rainy day. When the Canoness first came, though she had +nothing herself, yet she always found something to give away. See, she +gave me this woolen petticoat"--she pulled her dress up to her knees to +show it--"on her last birthday, and the shawl at Christmas. That's why +I wear it in her honor to-day, though it's certainly warm; but I want +to look respectable when I follow the body, for a woman like her won't +come again, and, as the hymn says:</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4">'Alas, my Saviour, must Thou die,</p> +<p class="t5">That we the heirs of life may be?</p> +<p class="t4">Let not Thy woes, grief, agony,</p> +<p class="t5">On us be lost, but win to Thee.'"</p> +</div> + +<p class="continue">She muttered to herself for a while, with her chin buried in her shawl, +and seemed to have entirely forgotten my presence.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Mother," I began after a time, "you are always talking about a +Canoness. Is there a chapter-house in this neighborhood?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The old dame slowly raised her head and scanned me with a +half-suspicious, half-pitying look.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Why, what a question!" she said at last. "I suppose you don't belong +here, my dear sir; but you must live very far away, for everybody in +the neighborhood knows who the Canoness was, and that she died three +days ago and will be buried to-day. Have you never heard of +Spiegelberg, her husband, who is now standing before the throne of God? +She belonged to a noble family, and her cousin, the baron, when he +visited her, took me aside and said: 'I hope, Mother Schulzen, that you +don't let my cousin want for anything here.' Good Heavens! What we poor +old women could do to make her life easy--especially I! For she always +showed me the greatest kindness, and the teacher and I were with her in +her last hour. Yes! yes! If anybody had told me that such a poor, +useless body would close her eyes, and yet must creep about here on +earth a while longer, while she, who was still in her prime--But +perhaps you would like to see her? There is time enough. She is to be +buried at four, and the whole town will be present, and not a dry eye +in the throng, for nobody else in the whole place had gifts like hers; +and now they will see what we had in her, we old creatures especially, +for no one like her will come again--never again--never again--"</p> + +<p class="normal">She shook her head mournfully as she spoke, but her weary, reddened +eyes were tearless, and, rising with some difficulty, she took up her +hymn-book, spectacles, and snuff-box, and, beckoning to me to follow, +hobbled through the entrance--the door stood ajar--into the long +corridor which divided the interior of the dwelling into two equal +parts.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was pleasantly cool inside, only a strong smell of vinegar tainted +the air and enhanced the feeling of uneasiness with which I had +entered. It was uncanny to be conducted to the abode of death by this +old crone, incessantly mumbling her song of Destiny, while out-of-doors +the bright young summer was wandering over the fields. The bare hall, +too, from which opened more than a dozen whitewashed doors, had no +inviting aspect, especially as several dark figures, all dressed very +much like my guide, were crouching on little benches along the walls, +whispering together and casting distrustful glances at me. I afterward +learned that the almshouse had been erected for a pest-house centuries +before, when the Black Death was devastating the land, and afterward +remained a long time vacant and shunned, until it was at last converted +into a poor-house, and the chapel was rebuilt. But how had the Canoness +come under this humble roof?</p> + +<p class="normal">Mother Schulzen had already opened the first door on the left, and I +entered a large room with two windows. In the center stood a piano, a +number of plain, rush-bottomed chairs were ranged along the walls, a +rack containing music-books stood on the table between the clean white +curtains. "She gave her singing-lessons here," the old dame said; "the +next room was her sleeping-chamber, where she died."</p> + +<p class="normal">She opened the door of the adjoining room as gently as if she feared to +wake some sleeper, and let me stand on the threshold.</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw a light, square chamber, through whose one window the sun was +shining. These walls, too, were merely whitewashed, but they were +adorned with a few engravings in dark wooden frames, and the simple but +tasteful furniture, a sofa with a bright calico cover, a book-case, +a chest of drawers, a bed with white curtains, the flowers on the +window-sill, would have made a cheerful impression, had not a coffin +stood on a low trestle in the middle of the room. Over the shining +boards was flung a large, gayly embroidered rug, whose artistically +wrought flowers and vines were almost entirely concealed by garlands of +natural blossoms. The dead woman was attired in a plain white shroud; +the head was toward the window; at the feet lay a large laurel wreath +tied with a broad white satin bow; the hands, which were large, but +very beautiful in shape, rested on the bosom, but were not clasped; the +head inclined a little to the right, so that I could see it perfectly +from the threshold.</p> + +<p class="normal">There was nothing to inspire horror; a quiet, mysterious charm pervaded +the features, which, spite of the silvery hue of the smoothly brushed +hair, still wore a look of youth: it was the face of a beautiful woman +in her prime, who had lain down on her last couch in the full vigor of +life. I said to myself that to have known this sleeper, while living, +must have been no ordinary happiness, and those whom she had chosen for +her friends had been most fortunate. A feeling of regret stole over me +that I had never pressed that firm hand, nor heard a word from those +calmly closed lips, never seen the face brightened by a smile.</p> + +<p class="normal">Who was she? How had this noble woman condescended to make one of the +number of the inmates of the almshouse, and who had laid the laurel +wreath at her feet?</p> + +<p class="normal">My eyes quitted the pallid face a moment and wandered to the sunny +window. There I saw the mute figure, clad in black, still gazing +fixedly in. He did not even seem to see me, but stood motionless, +watching the lifeless form, of which only the head and the tips of the +feet were visible to him. I now distinctly saw large tears gush from +his dilated, motionless eyes, and course down his pale cheeks.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Mother," I asked softly, "who is the man outside of the window?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I had forgotten that her deafness would prevent her understanding me. +Just at that moment a clear little bell began to ring from the steeple +of the chapel. The old dame looked up.</p> + +<p class="normal">"It is four o'clock," she said; "the services will begin. You can't +stay here any longer, sir; the pastor and the others will come +directly. But if you stand by the trellis outside you can see +everything. Oh, dear! Now the sad end is coming! But God's will be +done! Only, may it be my turn soon. Come, sir, there are the bearers."</p> + +<p class="normal">Six men in long black coats entered, and I was obliged to leave the +room. In the corridor I met the pastor in his robes, and a tall, +broad-shouldered man, with a sorrowful face--the burgomaster, the old +dame whispered. Outside the house a large crowd of people had +assembled, who eyed me with surprise and curiosity. Most of them were +women in mourning-garments, but in their midst was a group of young +girls dressed in white, with large black bows, and black veils on their +heads. Each carried a garland of flowers on her arm, and the eyes of +all were full of tears. I perceived that, as a total stranger, I ought +to keep myself as much out of sight as possible, and hurried around the +house to a post by the garden-fence, whence I could overlook the chapel +and the cemetery.</p> + +<p class="normal">The solitary man in the black coat had disappeared.</p> + +<p class="normal">The bell continued to toll, the birds twittered in the linden boughs, +but spite of the surging throng the spot was otherwise so still that we +could distinctly hear the coffin-lid screwed on. A few minutes after, +the funeral procession began to move, headed by the pastor; then came +the bearers with the coffin, over which hung the gay rug covered with +garlands, close behind it the aged paupers, six in number, then the +young girls, two by two, carrying their wreaths, and behind them the +burgomaster and many stately men, evidently the dignitaries of the +little place. Last of all came the women and less important citizens, +in such a throng that the open space between the house and the +chapel was filled with the crowd. But scarcely had the pastor +entered the consecrated ground, when, from behind a dense clump of +elderberry-bushes on the edge of the cemetery, floated the notes of a +chant, a beautiful, simple melody, wholly unfamiliar to me, which +did not sound as if it came from a hymn-book. Clear, boyish voices, +well-trained, fresh, and pure, as children alone sing ere they have +learned to understand the solemnity of death and can not belie their +joyousness even in a dirge.</p> + +<p class="normal">There were only three verses, then the clergyman began his address, of +which I could distinguish but a few words in my distant corner. But it +must have been very touching, for all present showed the deepest +emotion, and the suppressed sobbing was communicated to the farthest +ranks. I regretted that I had not ventured nearer, I so much desired to +know who this noble woman was, and why she had enjoyed such universal +reverence and love.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I could only indistinctly see the pastor raise his hand to bless +first the open grave and then the mourning parish, the young girls +approach and throw their wreaths upon the coffin, and the whole +assembly press forward to scatter a handful of earth upon the flowers. +During this ceremony, which occupied some time, the boys' voices were +again raised, and this time I plainly heard the words:</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4" style="text-indent:-9px"> +"Like her in sweet repose,<br> +All the sainted--"</p> +</div> + +<p class="continue">and, as a sunbeam now pierced the elder-bushes, I saw the bared head of +the man at the window, who was standing among the young singers, slowly +and solemnly beating time with his hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">The little bell had stopped ringing, the throng noiselessly dispersed +without the unfeeling buzz and murmur which usually rise at once when +people have merely dutifully paid the last honors to one who has +departed from their midst. I remained quietly in my place watching the +throng move off in the direction of the town, while the old dames, +coughing and panting, returned home. My intention was to approach the +lonely man, who I thought would be the last to quit the grave, and +modestly express my desire to learn some particulars of the dead woman. +But when I entered the cemetery and glanced toward the elder-bushes, +there was no trace of him.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was now quite time for me to return to the hotel, where my carriage +must already be waiting. I consoled myself by the belief that the +postmaster would undoubtedly be fully informed about the Canoness. The +pale, still face, with the silvery halo around the head, in the +mysterious twilight, still hovered before me, and I quickened my pace +to obtain a solution of the mystery.</p> + +<p class="normal">The path I took through the grain-fields, along whose edges grew small +cherry-trees, did not lead me back to the city-gate, but to a different +part of the wall, which I found entirely deserted. There was not a +single baby-carriage, nor a pedestrian resting on any of the benches. +Yet it was pleasant to saunter along in the shade, and I lapsed into a +comfortable, dreamy state, which is really the greatest advantage of +travel, because we shake off our daily dull routine of occupation, and, +in some strange manner, feel as if we had just dropped from the moon +and were strangers in this world, to whom the most trivial thing +appears new and wonderful.</p> + +<p class="normal">Suddenly I stopped. Sitting on the next bench, in front of me, I saw +the man in the black coat whom I had just vainly sought. He was +evidently so much absorbed in his own thoughts that he did not hear me, +but sat gazing out over the open country and the waters of the lake, or +rather at the little chapel and the small portion of the almshouse +cemetery visible from this point. I could now obtain a near view of his +delicate, regular features, and was particularly struck by the +beautiful arch of the brow, and the character expressed in the nose, +which was by no means small. His hat lay on the bench at his side, and +his clasped hands rested on his knee.</p> + +<p class="normal">He now perceived me, but remained perfectly motionless, as if he could +thereby render himself invisible and induce me to pass on.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I was not disposed to let the favorable chance slip.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Allow me to sit with you a moment, sir," I said. "I am passing through +here on a journey, and am somewhat fatigued by rambling about. I must +set out again in fifteen minutes, much as I regret not becoming more +familiar with the pretty town. A walk on the walls like this can not be +easily found, far or near."</p> + +<p class="normal">He made no reply, merely bent his head slightly and took up his hat to +give me the other half of the bench. I sat down, and we remained silent +for a time.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Pardon me," I said at last, "if I seem intrusive, and perhaps disturb +you in a mood in which one prefers to be entirely alone. But I was a +witness of the funeral that has just taken place, and, as the image of +the lifeless form I saw just before in the coffin has haunted me ever +since, and I fancied I read a remarkable destiny on the noble brow, you +can probably understand that I am reluctant to leave here without +learning some particulars of her fate. One of the old women in the +almshouse below gave me some information which, though very vague and +insufficient, only increased my interest. You seem to have been on more +intimate terms with this universally respected woman. If you would see +a better motive in my question than idle curiosity, I should be very +grateful to you for any details of her life you might be willing to +give."</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw a faint flush mount into his face. He gazed steadily into vacancy +for a while, as if irresolute what to answer. Suddenly he seized his +hat, rose, and, bowing to me, said:</p> + +<p class="normal">"Pardon me, sir--I have--my time will not permit--I wish you a pleasant +journey."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then he turned and walked away with long, but not hurried steps, while +I remained on the bench in a mood of painful discomfiture.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first I was uncertain whether I had done wrong, or merely applied to +the wrong person. But I soon distinctly perceived that the fault was +mine. This resident of the provinces, on whose deep grief I had +intruded with a bold question, as if he must consider it an honor to +afford a traveler information about anything worthy of note, even if it +concerned his most sacred private feelings, had given me a well-merited +lesson. How indelicate to put the question point-blank, without any +introduction, like a police-officer inspecting a passport, and, ere the +tears were fairly dry on his lashes, request from him an obituary of +the dead woman, such as a newspaper reporter would unfeelingly insert +in a daily journal. Perhaps, had I been more considerate of his +feelings, cautiously gained his confidence without revealing my +object--! But, as it was, I ought not to complain of having received a +refusal, whose manner showed that I had addressed a cultivated man.</p> + +<p class="normal">At last, very much displeased with myself, I rose and tried to reach my +hotel by the shortest cut. Even the desire to question the postmaster +had deserted me. I would gladly have driven the Canoness--who was now +associated with a humiliating remembrance--entirely out of my mind, +and, in fact, at that time I was to learn nothing more about her. My +light carriage stood waiting in front of the house, but the landlord +had been suddenly called away on some business; so I remained no longer +than to drink a little wine and seltzer-water, for my tongue was +parched, and then urged the driver to hurry that I might reach my +destination before night.</p> + +<p class="normal">Even at my friend's house I did not mention my experiences in St. ----. +As he had only lived in the neighborhood a short time, and was +completely engrossed by his immediate duties and occupations, he had +scarcely had an opportunity to become familiar with the local history +of the place. Only it chanced to be mentioned that the dismantled +coasting-steamer had belonged to a bankrupt firm and been taken by one +of the creditors, who had hoped to sell it again for the value of the +material. As it did not immediately find a purchaser, he had had the +worn-out invalid brought to the inland lake, where it was now enjoying +rest from its labors.</p> + +<p class="normal">I spent a few refreshing days in my friend's pretty house, which +unfortunately was situated in a most prosaic neighborhood, and when I +returned to Berlin the memory of the hour in the cemetery had already +become considerably fainter.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, like every reminder of our weaknesses and follies, it never wholly +vanished. So no one will marvel that I was most agreeably surprised +when, a year afterward, I received by mail a heavy parcel, accompanied +by the following lines:</p> +<br> + +<p class="normal">MOST HONORED SIR: Unfortunately, I am not so happy as to be able to +present myself as a total stranger. For I must commence my letter by +apologizing for an offense committed more than a year ago, when I had +the honor of making your acquaintance, if this word can be applied to a +meeting in which both persons remained wholly unknown to each other.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, I am ignorant whether you have retained any recollection of the +uncourteous person who had no other reply to a friendly question than +to quit you so abruptly. You are living in the current of the world, +which washes away so many trivial things, and effaces old impressions +with a thousand new ones. An inhabitant of the provinces, of my +temperament, has nothing to interrupt him in the unpleasant task of +thrusting still deeper into his flesh, in the endeavor to withdraw +them, the thorns implanted by a fleeting moment.</p> + +<p class="normal">Directly after leaving you I had, it is true, no other unpleasant +feeling than that a total stranger had disturbed me amid the indulgence +of a fresh sorrow. But at the end of an hour, when I recalled your +words and tones, and the gestures accompanying them, I was seized with +shame for my boorish conduct. You had been present at the funeral, had +even gazed with deep interest at the face of the dead: what was more +natural than that you should marvel how that queenly head could rest on +the hard pillow of an almshouse coffin, though the mourning of a whole +city followed it? And how could you suspect that the man to whom you +applied for information suffered most keenly from the universal loss, +and at that hour had so bitter a taste of the earth-mold on his tongue +that he could not have uttered a word, had his own brother accosted +him?</p> + +<p class="normal">When I clearly perceived this, and had partly regained my calmness, I +hurried to the hotel, firmly intending to apologize for my incivility +and tell you at least enough to have enabled you to understand my +sorrowful obduracy. You had already continued your journey. I only +found your name in the landlord's book, and doubly regretted my +unseemly conduct. I was familiar with some of your books, and said to +myself that you, of all men, could not have spoken from mere empty +curiosity, but from genuine interest in everything relating to human +nature, and you, if any one, would have been capable of feeling with me +that the death of such a woman is a loss to the whole world.</p> + +<p class="normal">What had happened could not be altered, but, to somewhat alleviate the +discomfort of my regrets, I began the very next day to write down, for +my justification and penance, everything I had left unsaid, intending +to lay it before you and thereby obtain absolution for the sin of +silence I had formerly committed.</p> + +<p class="normal">I meant to be very brief. But my heart took possession of my pen, and +the short narrative of this remarkable life has become a shapeless +"history in detail," whose swelling daily alarmed me, though I was +unable to confine the overflowing torrent of memories into a narrower +channel.</p> + +<p class="normal">I have spent a whole year in writing, as I only found leisure for it +during a few evening hours, and often for weeks together could not find +courage to summon up the spirits of the departed. Will you have +patience to read to the end? Far more important persons and destinies +have passed before your notice, and you will more than once have +occasion to smile at the value attached to apparently trivial incidents +by a person whose horizon is so limited as that of my insignificant +self. Besides, I am a clumsy writer, and do not understand the literary +art of polishing even a pebble till in the sunlight it looks like a +costly gem.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet, even if you merely cast a pitying glance at these memoranda, I +think I can venture to promise that the principal character in this +true story will fix your interest and win from you the acknowledgment +that it was worth while to follow her unusual life-path with the care +of a truth-loving chronicler.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I trustfully commit to you the clumsy manuscript, which I entreat +you to burn after you have read it. It owes its existence solely to my +purpose of paying my debt to you, and with sincere respect, I am</p> + +<p style="text-indent:20%">Your devoted</p> + +<p class="right" style="margin-right:50%"><span class="sc">Johannes Theodor Weissbrod</span>,</p> + +<p class="right" style="margin-right:50%"><i>ex-Cand. Theol</i>.</p> +<br> + +<p class="normal">I confess that, in spite of this letter, whose simple, amiable style +recalled to me every feature of the writer's face, so full of feeling, +I took up the bulky manuscript with a certain dread. More than three +hundred closely written pages--who could tell with how much theological +speculation the simple life-history had been garnished. But the very +first pages dispelled the doubt, and the farther I read the more eager +was my interest in both contents and narrative. When I laid the last +sheets down, I said to myself aloud: Yes, it was indeed worth while.</p> + +<p class="normal">With this opinion I instantly wrote to the author, begging him not to +confine this confession to ourselves, but by its publication edify all +who, in our hurried and corrupt age, had preserved minds capable of +appreciating simple grandeur of soul and the natural nobility of +humanity.</p> + +<p class="normal">He did not keep me waiting long for his answer.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Dearest sir and friend," he wrote--"for the friends of our friends are +ours, and the warmth with which you speak of my departed friend +justifies me in believing that you cherish a kindly feeling toward me +also--no, I can not bring myself to regard this account of my most +private experiences as a literary production, and appear in it before +the cold eyes of the public. Apart from all other considerations, +however, the careless, thoroughly untrained literary style appears to +me an unconquerable obstacle. Yet, if you would undertake to subject +these pages to a thorough revision, provide the splendid kernel which +is no merit of mine, with a new and more fitting husk! But, even then, +I could not wholly conquer my secret reluctance. I live in complete +seclusion; those who know me best, with the exception of one friend of +my youth, regard me as a mere commonplace day-laborer in the shape of a +pedagogue. The publication of such a work would suddenly render me an +'object of notice,' and nothing is less readily forgiven in a +provincial sphere than any departure from the every-day routine of +existence.</p> + +<p class="normal">"But I will say this, my honored friend: If my unpretending story +really seems to you so valuable that you desire to save it from a fiery +death, keep the volume till I am no more. You will then be at liberty +to publish it--of course, with the abridgment necessary where my +personal interest has made me unwarrantably garrulous, and the omission +of the guide-posts that would point out persons still living, or the +descendants of certain families. The names of cities and communities +ought also in justice to be suppressed. Nothing appears to me more +contemptible than the modern effort to attain, by the disclosure of +actual events, a success which mere skillful literary invention could +not have hoped to secure.</p> + +<p class="normal">"For the rest, I am entirely of your opinion that a life like the one +described here is well fitted to set an example, and that it seems +almost a duty to transmit the memory of so rare and lofty a human +character to future generations."</p> +<br> + +<p class="normal">This was the last direct communication I had from the admirable man. I +did not venture to make any further effort to shake his resolution, and +for two decades his manuscript was carefully treasured in my desk.</p> + +<p class="normal">Early this year I received a letter, written by an unknown hand, and +bearing the postmark of the city in the Mark. The principal of the +grammar-school there informed me that his friend, after having enjoyed +the best possible health to the last, had been found one morning dead +in his bed! He had been buried, according to the directions of his +will, in the almshouse church-yard, by the side of the Canoness, amid +the sincere grief of the whole community. Among his papers had been +found the request that I should be informed of his demise.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I may doubtless consider myself as his executor in at least bringing +the following pages from their concealment. While re-reading them I +have made only the most modest use of the authority to erase and alter +at pleasure--only here and there a certain inequality of style will +show that another hand has interposed to make some obscure passage +clearer, or correct some awkward expression. In the main, I have left +everything as I found it; for it seems to me that the unassuming series +of pictures in this biographical romance, as it may be called, would +scarcely have gained greater vivacity and charm by a more careful +grouping or more artistic execution, while the impression of simple +truthfulness might have been impaired. With little art, clear wit and +sense suggest their own delivery; and, I may add, that as the love of a +warm and noble heart transfigures even the most insignificant +countenance from whose eyes it shines, much more does it illuminate +features as expressive and beautiful as those that look forth at us +from between the lines of this narrative.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2>HERR WEISSBROD'S STORY.</h2> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2>I.</h2> +<br> + +<p class="normal">I must preface the following record with the entreaty that it may not +be regarded as puerile vanity if I begin with my insignificant self and +allow my own personality to appear in the course of my story more +frequently than it may deserve. The nature of the case requires it. My +own valueless destiny is as inseparably connected with the life of the +principal personage as the insignificant thread is a part of the pearl +necklace whose costly gems are strung upon it. Unfortunately, there are +some parts where the jewels are missing, and then only the gray thread +appears. But I will try to make these spaces as short as possible; for +I am only too well aware that my own existence has merely gained what +little worth it possesses because Providence brought me into the +vicinity of so rare a creature, and permitted me to move around her and +receive light and warmth, as a planet from the sun.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, I certainly did not begin life with so modest an estimate of +myself. Nay, I imagined that I was well fitted to let my light shine as +the center of a little planetary system of my own. At a very early age +I was praised in my family and notorious among my school-fellows as a +pattern boy, and the blows I received from the latter--and had richly +deserved by my ridiculous boasting--only helped to increase my +arrogance. All exalted minds, I said to myself, have been obliged to +atone for their superiority by calamity and persecution. Nay, I even +went so far as to compare myself with the Son of man, and should not +have been surprised had some Herod yearned for the life of the child +who felt himself destined to redeem the poor, sinful world, and +meanwhile showed his teachers in the town-school contemptible cajolery +and faultlessly written exercises.</p> + +<p class="normal">When I was fourteen my father, who was a true Christian and a faithful +servant of the Word, was transferred from the town parish to be +superintendent in Berlin. My mother had died young, and my father, who +was completely absorbed in his official duties, left me--with too much +confidence--to myself. An elderly, somewhat weak-minded aunt, who even +in the great city kept house for us, regarded me as a small miracle, +and, therefore, had neither judgment nor power to uproot the weeds of +spiritual arrogance from my heart. The latter had already flourished so +rankly that they continued to grow luxuriantly even in the freer air of +the capital. When, at eighteen, I entered the university, I instantly +formed a pietistical society, which behaved almost like a students' +consistory. We preached to each other to our hearts' content, debated +the most difficult theological points of controversy, wrote hymns, +which I set to music and accompanied on our harmonium; in short, we +were a set of insufferable young saints, not a single one of whom, +had he knocked at the door of heaven with his long locks and meekly +turned-down collar, would Saint Peter have admitted.</p> + +<p class="normal">I need scarcely state that I held aloof from all worldly amusements, +considered the theatre a vestibule of hell, and the other beautiful +arts as mere pagan jugglery. But the thing that now seems to me the +drollest of all is the relation I then occupied toward the female sex. +With the best intentions, I could imagine pure maids and matrons in no +other guise than as a devout congregation in Sunday attire, gazing +upward in gentle ecstasy at their pastor, and drinking in with fervent +gratitude the heavenly dew that fell from his lips. In some far remote +background of time I beheld one of these humble creatures nestling in +my embrace, trembling in the ecstasy of her bliss, and overwhelmed with +gratitude at the knowledge of being chosen before all her sisters to +stand by the side of the man of God--whom she had long secretly +worshiped--as his unworthy wife, iron his snow-white bands, embroider +his slippers, and write down his sermon every Sunday.</p> + +<p class="normal">In this state of supernal self-glorification, I considered it only +natural that, as soon as I had passed my examination with special +brilliancy, and crossed the threshold of the position of candidate, the +most advantageous projects should open to me from more than one +direction. My dear father's heart was far too kind, and he practiced +the injunction of Christian charity of his own impulse in too wide a +sense, to permit him to find his salary sufficient either in the little +town or the great capital, and when suddenly summoned from this life he +left me nothing but his blessing and a choice theological library, the +only luxury he had ever allowed himself.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was now forced to rely, with God's assistance, upon myself, and as, +with all the innocence of the dove, I possessed a sufficient measure of +the wisdom of the serpent, I did not merely examine superficially the +three places offered to me, but made careful inquiries to discover in +which one I should have the softest bed. All three were tutor's +situations in the country, with a prospect of the pastorate, which +would fall vacant in a longer or shorter time. I decided in favor of +the estate of the most aristocratic of the three employers, who also +owned two villages located in a region described to me as being very +fertile and not lacking in rural beauty. The pastor there was almost +eighty; the baron's children, whom I was to teach, were but two in +number, a boy, and a girl twelve or fourteen years old; my patron was +reported to be particularly strict in his religious views, and--a fact +by no means least influential--his letter, which my dear father +received with tears of joy on his death-bed and read aloud to me in a +trembling voice, expressed emphatic praise of my admirable self, a +pleasant report of my gifts and virtues having spread through the +country.</p> + +<p class="normal">So in my heart I praised God, who so paternally provided a fitting +career for his favorites here below, embraced my poor old aunt, who was +left behind in a wretched attic, and set forth on the journey to my +paradise with proud hopes and a joyousness but slightly subdued by my +recent grief.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">This exalted mood was somewhat depressed when, on reaching the last +railway-station, I vainly looked for the coach in which I was to make +my entry into the place of my destination. The baron had written that +he would send for me. I expected nothing less than a splendid carriage, +not drawn by four horses, it is true, but perhaps hung with garlands as +befits a young ecclesiastical conqueror. Instead, there was nothing +stopping at the station but an insignificant cart, which I suspected +was generally used for the transportation of calves or sheep, drawn by +two plow-horses, dejectedly switching their long tails to and fro. An +old man-servant, who did not even take the stump of a pipe from his +mouth when he came up to me, asked in his surly Low German dialect if I +was the tutor whom he was to take to the estate, then, with many a +muttered oath, lifted my trunk and three heavy boxes of books into the +cart, and pointed with his whip to the seat, where the sole provision +made for my comfort was a thin leather cushion.</p> + +<p class="normal">He himself--after relighting his pipe and starting his horses by a +drawling Hi-i!--trudged beside the cart as it creaked slowly along.</p> + +<p class="normal">I tried to bear my disappointment with Christian resignation, and, +after we had gone a few hundred paces, asked in my gentlest voice how +far the castle was, and whether we were to go the whole distance at a +walk.</p> + +<p class="normal">The horses were plowing all day yesterday, growled the old man, and the +road was too bad for them to trot. We should be two hours at least, +"p'raps a bit more"; the sand began just beyond the next village, and +then, with the big boxes, we should move still more slowly.</p> + +<p class="normal">Rustic ways! I thought, to console myself, jolted about on my hard seat +for a while longer, and, at the beginning of the sandy road, which ran +sometimes between fields and meadows, sometimes between low fir-woods, +sprang nimbly from the cart to relieve the panting animals. It was +toward the end of April, a warm spring wind blew over the wide, quiet +country, the crows were perched in dense flocks on the freshly turned +furrows, and the low twittering of birds was heard from the bare tops +of the birches. At three and twenty the theological bark around my +heart was not yet hard enough to prevent all this stir and movement of +Nature from penetrating it. In a very short time, while striding a few +horse-lengths ahead of my vehicle, I was so happy in the thought of my +God that I seemed to myself like King David, and my great wooden trunk +the ark of the covenant, and could scarcely refrain from falling into a +dancing step and letting the hymns I was singing in my heart escape my +lips.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet I was glad when the two hours and "p'raps a bit more" were over, +and old Krischan, pointing with his whip to the roof of a tower, +visible between the lofty elms in the avenue, muttered between his +teeth: "Here we are!"</p> + +<p class="normal">I had made several vain efforts on the way to question him about the +lord of the castle and his family. I had learned nothing except that +the baron was "a bit strict," and the old baroness "always very kind +and gracious." Of the heir he only uttered a significant hum! and of +the pastor merely said, "He's poorly just now." So my curiosity and +impatience increased with every step the horses took in the grinding +sand; and, as the rural charms of which I had dreamed were nowhere +visible, the village through which I passed differed in no respect from +an utterly unattractive Mark hamlet, and the few women and children who +stared at me from the doors of the houses appeared extremely +indifferent to the great event of my arrival, I climbed back with a +sigh into the cart as we turned into the avenue and traversed the rest +of the way at a trot.</p> + +<p class="normal">We drove directly up to the castle, which looked very stately through +the bare branches, and, as the road at last passed over a slight +ascent, the horses relapsed into their former comfortable walk. Yet we +overtook a queer little cart, to which the--according to the Mark +ideas--considerable hill gave more trouble than to us.</p> + +<p class="normal">A very old woman had harnessed herself and a spotted dog to a small +hand-cart, heavily laden with a large, well-filled sack, several +bundles of fagots, and various utensils and tools, the whole, tied +together with old ropes, towering so high aloft that the swaying +structure could scarcely keep its balance. The little dog's red tongue +was hanging out of its mouth, and the old dame panted and coughed as +she bent under the drawing-rope, which cut deep into her shoulder. +Spite of her four-footed assistant, she could scarcely have pulled the +load up-hill, had not a vigorous push from behind aided her. This was +given by a tall, slender figure, a young lady dressed in city style, +who, with both hands braced against the back, walked firmly on, +relieving the toiling pair of half the weight.</p> + +<p class="normal">As we passed she merely turned her face toward us for a moment without +the slightest change of expression. I could not see her features +distinctly, owing to the shifting play of the shadows cast by the bare +branches above, but I perceived that the face was young and grave. It +made a singular impression on me, though she flashed but a single +glance at me and then instantly lowered her eyes. I noticed too that +her smoothly brushed hair, over which she had knotted a black kerchief, +was of a remarkable dark golden hue, somewhat similar to amber. I +perceived also that she wore a blue polonaise of rather old-fashioned +cut, trimmed with a narrow border of gray fur. Then the old vehicle was +left behind, and I did not venture to look back.</p> + +<p class="normal">"That's the Canoness!" said Krischan, who had taken his pipe out of his +mouth and lifted his cap respectfully; "and the old one is Mother +Lieschen."</p> + +<p class="normal">"The Canoness!" I repeated in surprise. "Has the baron so old a +daughter?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"No, sir. The baron's daughter is only fourteen. She's Fräulein +Leopoldine. But the Canoness--hi!"</p> + +<p class="normal">He urged on his bays with a loud crack of the whip, for we were just +turning out of the avenue into the castle court-yard. I was obliged to +repress my curiosity for the present.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The castle really did honor to its name. It was a very large building, +dating back from the commencement of the previous century, with a lofty +lower story, to which led a double flight of broad steps, above which +was a second story richly decorated with stucco ornaments--a style, +however, that did not exactly harmonize with the peaked roof and +irregular attic windows. From this central building a wing extended at +right angles on the left almost to the avenue of elms, while the right +wing, which, as I afterward learned, had been destroyed by a great +fire, was replaced by a clumsy square tower three stories high. Yet +this tower bore above its four gables a gigantic cupola, garnished with +pinnacles and battlements of all sorts, which gave it an air of +chivalrous boldness.</p> + +<p class="normal">A servant in a light-green livery received me at the top of the steps, +said that his master was expecting me, and ushered me into the house +with condescending familiarity, as if he considered me a sort of +colleague. The cool, dim hall paved with tiles, the broad stone +staircase, the antlers that adorned the walls, the numerous servants of +both sexes, who were peeping curiously from different doors, produced a +strong impression upon me, though I secretly regretted the absence of a +more formal reception by my future patron's assembled family. But I +consoled myself with the thought that this was the genuine aristocratic +demeanor, and resolved to maintain my own dignity and command the +respect due my ecclesiastical character even from high-born laymen.</p> + +<p class="normal">Meantime I had climbed the steep stairs to the highest story in the +tower till I was fairly out of breath. But when I entered the apartment +the footman showed me as mine, I was instantly reconciled to the +quarters gained by the toilsome ascent. It was a corner room with four +wide, almost square windows, which afforded a most superb view, over +the tops of the trees in the avenue, of fields and moorland, forest and +farms, and the village houses gathered about the handsome village +church like a flock of chickens around the clucking hen. The whole +scene was steeped in the brightest noonday sunlight, and filmy bluish +clouds floated from the chimneys of the low straw-thatched roofs, +pierced by single sunbeams, and swayed to and fro by a fresh April +breeze.</p> + +<p class="normal">Dinner would be served in fifteen minutes, the servant said. Did +the Herr Candidate want anything? I asked for my trunks, and had just +time to brush the dust of my journey from my clothing, when a big, +hollow-sounding bell, which roused a welcome echo in my empty stomach, +began to ring in the hall below.</p> + +<p class="normal">I cast one more glance into the tiny mirror, which, like the rest of +the furniture, did not produce a very magnificent impression, and, +after having combed my hair smoothly, and pushed my long locks neatly +behind my ears, descended the steep tower-stairs, spite of the +consciousness of my ecclesiastical dignity, with a somewhat quickened +pulsation of the heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">The dining-room was on the lower floor, directly behind the +entrance-hall, a vaulted apartment, whose four high windows looked out +upon the garden. The wide glass door in the center opened on a small +terrace, from which a few steps led to the flower-beds. But I did not +notice all this at my first entrance, as my whole interest was +engrossed by the various persons who were assembled.</p> + +<p class="normal">A tall, extremely dignified gentleman, with very handsome, regular +features, and mustache and whiskers cut in military fashion, came up to +me, held out his well-kept hand, and said, in a voice whose musical +tones he himself seemed to enjoy: "May the Lord bless your coming and +going, Herr Candidate!"</p> + +<p class="normal">I bowed silently, and was led to a little lady attired in a black +silk dress and a large white lace cap, who sat in the depths of a tall +arm-chair.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Here, my dear Elizabeth," said the baron, "I present to you Candidate +Johannes Weissbrod, who, with God's blessing, will aid us in the +education of our Achatz! Achatz!" he called, turning to a pale-faced +boy, evidently backward in mental development, who stood giggling with +a tall young girl at the other end of the hall. The lad came slowly +forward, eying me askance with mingled shyness and defiance, and only +at his father's repeated desire gave me a thin yellow hand. I noticed +at the first glance the striking resemblance between him and his +mother. The latter was remarkably plain; she had a shrunken, withered +face, which strongly reminded me of old General Zieten, to whom, I +afterward learned, the baroness was distantly related. Even a little +Hussar mustache was not lacking, and the sight of the tiny witch-like +scarecrow was so melancholy, especially by the side of her husband's +stately figure, that in my first confusion I actually forgot the fine +speech with which I had intended to present myself, and could only bow +silently and kiss the diminutive hand the little specter extended to +me.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, as I straightened myself again, a warm, irresistibly kind glance +fell upon me from the small gray eyes, and such a touching, child-like +voice came from the little withered mouth, saying, "I shall be deeply +grateful to you, Herr Candidate, for everything you do in behalf of my +dear son," that I lowered my eyes in actual confusion, and felt a +sincere reverence for the little lady, whom I had just held in such +light esteem. I would make every possible effort, I stammered, laying +my hand on the boy's rough fair locks. But he shook off the friendly +touch so rudely that I instantly saw that the effort would certainly be +no easy one.</p> + +<p class="normal">Meantime his sister had also approached me. She bore as strong a +resemblance to her handsome father as the boy to his mother. I +addressed a pleasant remark to her, which she answered by a haughty +curl of her full red lips. But there was still another feminine member +of the company, a lady, whom I supposed to be about thirty, not so +tall as the young baroness, but of a more elegant figure and with +serpent-like swiftness of motion. "This is a beloved member of our +household, Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel," said the baron, as he led me +to her. "She is a true blessing from the Lord to us all, shortening the +long hours to my suffering wife, helping my daughter in her French +lessons, and sometimes chatting my own anxieties away." As he spoke he +bent over the young lady's hand, and, with chivalrous gallantry, +pressed it to his lips.</p> + +<p class="normal">I know not why the act displeased me. My knowledge of the world and +society was still slight, and nothing could be more natural than an act +of courtesy by which the master of the house endeavored to lighten the +discomfort of a subordinate position to a lady. Nor was there anything +worthy of censure in the Frenchwoman's conduct. She was studiously +polite to every one, not excepting her insignificant fellow-slave, +myself, and, after becoming accustomed to a certain piercing light in +her dark eyes, no one could help thinking her attractive. So I could +only explain my strange aversion by the belief that, in her society, I +was almost always conscious of my defective French, and therefore, +though she spoke to me only in German, I felt her presence as an +embarrassment.</p> + +<p class="normal">We were about to take our places at the table, which, set for eight +persons, stood in the middle of the room. The baron had already +escorted his little wife to her seat opposite to the glass door, and +the young heir had seized his sister's braids to drive her to the table +like a horse, when the door into the hall opened and another person +appeared, a tall, thin man in a plain gray hunting-coat, with horn +buttons, high boots, and a shabby gray felt hat on his head. It was +evident at the first glance that he must be a brother of the master of +the house, only he lacked the elegance that pervaded the latter's whole +appearance.</p> + +<p class="normal">He entered noiselessly with a slight smile, half sad, half humorous, +that lent his beautiful beardless lips a very pleasant expression, went +slowly up to the mistress of the house, whose hand he silently kissed, +and nodded to his niece, but without vouchsafing me anything more than +an indifferent glance.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Where is Luise?" asked the baron.</p> + +<p class="normal">The little old lady gazed at him with a look of timid entreaty. I +noticed that he had some angry remark on his tongue, but his son +interposed.</p> + +<p class="normal">"She harnessed herself to Mother Lieschen's dogcart," he said loudly, +with a jeering laugh, which displeased me extremely; and then whispered +into his sister's ear so that all could hear, "I laughed at her well, +and she tried to hit me, but I was spryer."</p> + +<p class="normal">And the little toad giggled spitefully.</p> + +<p class="normal">The baron uttered a few words in French, which I did not understand. +Then he clasped his hands on the back of the chair, and said: "Let us +thank the Lord."</p> + +<p class="normal">He asked a blessing, which did not seem to me amiss, only it appeared +somewhat lengthy, especially as Achatz was constantly nudging his +sister in the side with his elbow. Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel made the +sign of the cross at its beginning and end, which led me to secretly +wonder how a Catholic could have been received into this rigidly +Protestant family. Yet none of the others seemed to find it +objectionable.</p> + +<p class="normal">The company then took their places at the table, the baroness at the +head between her two children, the master of the house next to Achatz, +then the French governess, by whose side my seat was assigned. There +was a vacant chair opposite, next Fräulein Leopoldine, then came the +baron's brother, to whom he presented me as we were taking our seats: +"Herr Candidate Johannes Weissbrod--my brother Joachim."</p> + +<p class="normal">Just as the soup was being served, the folding-door again opened and +the missing Luise entered, who of course proved to be the Canoness whom +I had passed in the elm avenue outside. She had taken off her blue +polonaise and little black kerchief, and in a plain gray dress, with +snow-white frill, looked even more slender than before, somewhat as +ancient statues represent the goddess of the chase. Her face was +slightly flushed, whether from embarrassment or her hurried walk I +could not determine. Yet she did not hang her head like a penitent, but +went straight up to the old lady, bent down and kissed her cheek, then +bore the baron's reproving glance without lowering her lashes, and +silently took the vacant chair between the daughter of the house and +"brother Joachim."</p> + +<p class="normal">Achatz stared and giggled, but grew as still as a mouse when she cast a +sharp, quiet look at him across the table. I now saw that she had +sparkling dark-brown eyes, against which the golden lashes stood forth +in strong relief. Yet, on the whole, she did not seem to me so +beautiful as when out-of-doors under the shadow of the elm-trees.</p> + +<p class="normal">There was a stern, defiant expression in her face, very unlike my ideal +of feminine charm and lamb-like meekness. Moreover, she seemed to +entirely overlook my precious self, which gave me no favorable +impression of her character. Without uttering a word, she exchanged a +hurried clasp of the hand with her next neighbor at table and then +began to eat as indifferently as though she had been entirely alone.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was somewhat annoyed because I had received no special introduction +to her; but my thoughts were soon directed from this perplexing young +creature by the baron, who commenced a theological conversation with +me, in which he showed himself a zealous Lutheran of the most rigid +type. I was extremely cautious at first, having heard that he was a +remarkably learned man. But I soon perceived that his knowledge was +utterly unsubstantial; he merely scattered broadcast certain names and +titles of books, which had been new years before, and persistently +repeated a few established formulas, on which he set far too much +value. He seemed especially to have received the stamp of the +Schleiermacher school, repeated a pun on the name of its founder two or +three times, but did not appear to have read even a page of his +"Dogmatik" or of the "Discourses on Religion."</p> + +<p class="normal">The whole conversation was evidently solely intended to inspire me with +a high opinion of his knowledge and spiritual enlightenment, though he +himself did not really feel the slightest interest in the matter, for +he turned a deaf ear to my modest objections, and as--though I regarded +myself a valiant champion of the true faith--I knew how to keep my +polished sword in its sheath on occasion, this first theological +tourney passed off with mutual satisfaction. I only regretted that my +position in the house forbade me to stretch my opponent on the sand and +receive from fair hands the prize of victory.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">During the whole dinner no one except the baron and myself had spoken. +The mistress of the house gazed into vacancy with a look of quiet +suffering, ate very little, and only showed herself eager to fill her +husband's glass as soon as he had emptied it, which in the zeal of his +debate occurred every moment. The others drank nothing but water, +except Mademoiselle Suzon, whose glass, spite of her coquettish +reluctance, the baron filled twice with Bordeaux. Two liveried servants +moved to and fro as if shod with felt; but for so aristocratic a +household the meal seemed to me rather meager and niggardly.</p> + +<p class="normal">After dinner the baron, lighting a short hunting-pipe, took me into his +study and discussed the plan of instruction I was to pursue with the +heir. Biblical history, the catechism, the history of his native +country, a little geography--the lessons in the two latter branches +were to be shared with Leopoldine. She was far more talented than her +brother, my patron remarked; but the lad possessed the germ of a +genuine old-school Mark nobleman and an orthodox Christian, though it +was overgrown by all manner of boyish naughtinesses. His affectionate +papa hoped, from my experience in teaching and theological training, +that my pupil would soon visibly grow in favor with God and man.</p> + +<p class="normal">At the same time the baron allowed me to see that upon my success would +depend my future position and promotion to the living. The present +pastor, with increasing age, would become less and less capable of +maintaining the strict discipline that was desirable, already displayed +a lamentable tolerance in matters of faith, and, if he did not shortly +apply for a discharge from his office, it would be necessary to obtain +his removal.</p> + +<p class="normal">When I left my patron's study, I should have liked to give my pupil a +short examination at once and commence the training of the young plant +intrusted to my charge. Achatz, however, was neither within sight nor +hearing, but had disappeared, like the other members of the Round +Table. So I went up to my tower-room, and set about unpacking my books. +An old servant, who appeared to be the factotum of everybody in the +castle who wanted help, made me--as there was no book-case--two rude +sets of shelves out of boards, which, however, after they were filled +with my ecclesiastical works, looked very respectable. My pupil's room +adjoined mine. "Who occupies the second story under us?" I asked. "The +young baroness and Fräulein Luise," was the reply. I don't know why +this annoyed me, but I should have preferred to avoid the vicinity of +the Canoness.</p> + +<p class="normal">While thus occupied, twilight had closed in, and I resolved to walk +down to the village and call on the old pastor.</p> + +<p class="normal">As I entered the long village street, I prepared to assume the most +gracious manner. The worthy folk should have an idea of what they might +expect from their future pastor. But my nods and smiles, greetings and +questions, did not produce the slightest impression. The children ran +shyly away, and the grown people only gave me curt, suspicious answers, +though they knew very well that I was the expected candidate, and +enjoyed the favor of their noble church-patron. So I was not in the +best humor when I reached the little old parsonage, whose dilapidated +condition was revealed, at this early season of the year, by the bare +vine-trellises and empty garden. Even the church, beside which it +stood, only separated by the graveyard, urgently needed repairs, and I +secretly wondered that so pious a man as the baron did not set more +value on the proper preservation of the house of God.</p> + +<p class="normal">But the interior of the parsonage looked all the brighter and more +home-like. True, the walls of the rooms were only whitewashed, but +there was not even a fly-speck on them; the thin white curtains seemed +to have been freshly ironed only the day before, the floors were strewn +with sand, and the household utensils were dazzlingly clean. A brisk, +plump old lady, the pastor's wife, greeted me with so cordial a +pressure of the hand, that I felt almost ashamed of having crossed her +threshold with the selfish thoughts of a smiling heir.</p> + +<p class="normal">She led me into a small back room, that was just illumined by the +setting sun. Here, in an atmosphere so oppressive from the heat of the +stove that I could scarcely breathe, an old gentleman was sitting by +the window in a large arm-chair covered with calico. A small black +cloth cap rested on his venerable head, and his gouty, swollen knee was +wrapped in a woolen blanket. His kind, blue eyes gazed so +affectionately at me that I involuntarily bent over his outstretched +hand and would have kissed it, had he not withdrawn it, silently +shaking his head. I was requested to sit beside him, and, while we were +exchanging the first common-place remarks, I had time to again reflect +what a brilliant young light of the church I was compared to this +feebly flickering, almost burned-out tallow stump. For on the little +book-shelf beside the desk stood a scanty group of theological works, +so that, recalling my own abundant store, I seemed to myself, in the +presence of this aged champion of God, like a hero armed to the teeth +and clad in a steel corslet, opposed to an old warrior, who could only +swing a rude iron-spiked club.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I was not allowed to display my admirable armor, for the old +gentleman subjected me to no theological examination, but merely +inquired about my former life, parents, and relatives. When he heard +that I had lost my mother when a child, he passed his withered hand +over my arm with a gesture of timid kindness, and his old wife, who had +often mingled in our conversation with some little jest, gazed at me +with such maternal compassion that a very strange feeling came over me. +Until then I had never realized my orphaned condition, but felt +perfectly secure in my kinship to God.</p> + +<p class="normal">To reach a fresher theme, I began to talk of the baron and his family, +praising especially the spirit of genuine piety that pervaded this +aristocratic household. I perceived with surprise that neither the old +pastor nor his more loquacious wife assented to my fervent eulogy. Only +when I paused, the old man nodded gravely, and with his eyes fixed on +vacancy, said: "Yes, yes, the baroness--she is a woman after God's own +heart." "And don't forget Fräulein Luise!" added the old lady eagerly, +then hastily quitted the room, as if summoned by some urgent necessity, +and did not appear again even when I took my leave.</p> + +<p class="normal">I explained this strange silence to myself by the supposition that +there were dogmatic differences between the pastor and his patron. The +baron had shaken his head over the old gentleman's toleration. Desiring +to avoid any dispute on this first visit, I soon rose to take leave.</p> + +<p class="normal">The old clergyman apologized for being compelled to remain seated. He +was confined to the chair by a violent attack of his complaint, and +would have been obliged to leave the pulpit vacant on the following +Sunday had not God sent him so able a representative in my person. He +begged me to preach in his stead, and only regretted that he could not +be among my devout listeners.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was grateful in my heart to his gout for affording me an immediate +opportunity to display my lauded oratorical talent, wished him a speedy +convalescence, and took my leave with a much calmer heart than I had +entered.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">When I returned to the castle, a servant received me in the hall and +informed me that tea was ready.</p> + +<p class="normal">I found the whole family, except brother Joachim, assembled in the +dining-room around the tea-table, on which two large old-fashioned +lamps diffused a somewhat dim light. As at dinner, there was no +lack of silver tableware, so that everything looked very stately and +splendid, though the fare was scarcely superior to that of a +respectable farm-house.</p> + +<p class="normal">The Canoness was making tea, and poured it from a heavy silver pot into +the cups handed around by a servant. Again she did not vouchsafe me a +glance. The others, too, merely bowed silently, as the master of the +house, seated close beside one of the lamps, was absorbed in the +newspapers, which were brought every evening by an errand-woman. The +regular mail came but twice a week.</p> + +<p class="normal">I, too, now ate, without speaking, a due amount of bread and butter, my +sense of decorum and theological wisdom having prevented my fully +satisfying my appetite at dinner. Achatz giggled and whispered with his +sister, who now sat beside him; Mademoiselle Suzon had the headache and +looked very much bored, but from time to time gave me a glance and +murmured a question, her cold eyes meanwhile wandering to and fro with +a strangely uneasy expression.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the baron threw aside the papers, the whole party rose from the +table; Fräulein Luise led the baroness to an arm-chair beside the huge +chimney-piece, which, however, spite of the chill evening air, served +merely for ornament; and, after a little table had been pushed before +her seat, and the children had said good-night, the Canoness brought +out a pack of French cards and sat down opposite to play with her.</p> + +<p class="normal">The baron had taken his place at a small chess-table with the French +governess, who had suddenly recovered her animation, and, turning to me +while arranging the ivory men, he said, "You can choose, Herr +Weissbrod, which game you will overlook. It is really against my +principles to allow card-playing in my house, but my wife's game is by +no means an invention of Satan, unless tediousness is considered one of +the torments of hell. I never touch a card myself, and suppose you have +the same ideas. So, if you have no interest in chess, do not feel under +any restraint, but go to your room, if you prefer. You have had a +fatiguing journey to-day."</p> + +<p class="normal">I thought this implied that my presence was no longer desired, +and, after having watched both games for awhile--for civility's +sake--without understanding anything about either, I bid the party +good-night and climbed up to my tower-room.</p> + +<p class="normal">The footman who lighted me seemed strongly inclined to have a little +chat, and I was very anxious to put certain queries about the relations +existing between the different members of the household. But I thought +it was indecorous to question servants about their employers, cut short +the tall rascal's opening remark, which tended in that direction, and +remained alone with my wandering thoughts.</p> + +<p class="normal">My pupil was already sound asleep. As I looked at him and noted the +resemblance to his mother, which seemed even stronger than when he was +awake, I resolved to struggle against my aversion to the saucy young +lad and honestly strive to develop the half-stifled germ of which his +father had spoken. It seemed as though the impulse was felt through the +little dreaming brain, for the boy opened his eyes, stared at me, +blushed, and then said in an entirely different voice, "Good-night, +Herr Johannes."</p> + +<p class="normal">I returned this good-night, passed my hand over his eyes, and went +softly back to my room.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I could not yet go to sleep. All the new experiences the day had +brought were surging and seething in my head as if it were a witch's +caldron. Opening the window, I gazed out into the calm, cool night, +where the moon was shining so beautifully over the tree-tops, and gauzy +veils of mist were hovering in the distance above the hills and +meadows.</p> + +<p class="normal">Conspicuous among all the figures which glided past me, as if in a +spectral chase, staring at me with questioning eyes, was one which +at last, when the other ghosts had vanished, remained standing before +me--a slender girl with tawny hair and brown eyes, whose gaze rested on +me so indifferently that my vain soul grew more and more insulted and +angry, yet without being able to turn my thoughts from her. I said to +myself that if this one woman did not dwell under the same roof I +should be as contented here as though I were in Abraham's bosom. Then I +wondered whether she had gone to rest, and imagined that she was even +now thinking of me with a scornful curl of her lips, which idea +strengthened my hostility still more. To calm myself, I lighted a long +pipe and paced up and down the carpetless floor of my room, thinking of +the sermon I was to preach on the following Sunday, and in which I +meant to say all sorts of offensive things to the arrogant creature's +face. Yet I possessed sufficient good-breeding to remove my squeaking +boots and put on the soft slippers my good aunt had given me as a +parting present.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was just going to shut the window, for I was beginning to shiver, +when a low melody rose below me, to which I listened intently. My +little talent for music, as I first learned long after, was at that +time the best and most genuine quality I possessed. So, at the first +notes, I knew that the pure alto voice beneath me was no ordinary one, +but issued from a thoroughly musical nature. But the piano on which the +singer accompanied herself appeared to be a worn-out, tuneless old box, +and she made the least possible use of it. I did not know what she was +singing, but it seemed to me a magnificent piece by some great master, +and I went close to the window that I might not lose a note. I +afterward discovered that it was an aria from Gluck's "Orpheus."</p> + +<p class="normal">This solitary nocturnal singing, which could proceed from no other lips +than those of the Canoness, instantly disarmed me. It sounded very +subdued; Fräulein Leopoldine slept in the next room, and must not be +disturbed. But this <i>mezza voce</i>, in its melancholy gentleness, +contradicted everything I had imagined of the singer's nature. It was +like the lament of a proud, free soul, that disdains to impart its +grief to any one, and only in a secret soliloquy makes the moon and the +night its confidants.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the singing ceased, it was long ere I could resolve to seek my +bed. I still waited to learn whether it would begin again. Midnight had +passed when I at last shut my window, and, absorbed in thought, +prepared to seek repose.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">Yet I was up very early, and had much difficulty in persuading my +pupil, who had hitherto slept below next his mamma's room, to leave his +bed, as among other bad habits he had been accustomed to stretching and +turning lazily on his couch in the morning.</p> + +<p class="normal">I found it difficult to keep the resolution I had made the night before +over the sleeper, now that he sat wide awake before me with his +impudent little face, especially as I soon perceived with horror that +the young nobleman was deficient in nearly all the rudiments of +knowledge, and, moreover, did not appear to feel at all ashamed of his +ignorance. I found myself obliged to begin from the very commencement +in all the branches except writing, for which he was indebted to the +village school-master, and the catechism, which he could repeat +faultlessly with the volubility of a starling.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet, even in the first hour, I succeeded in uprooting some weeds +of error in his head and heart, and at least in conquering his +absent-mindedness, so that we were tolerably well-satisfied with each +other when, toward ten o'clock, the baron entered in his own sublime +person. He merely asked carelessly what I thought of my pupil then, +with an exclamation of surprise, went up to my books and glanced over +their titles. "Ah, Neander! Marheineke!" he said, as if greeting old +acquaintances. "You are certainly a thorough scholar, Herr Weissbrod. +Only don't soar too high! Let us have no unfruitful knowledge. +'Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.' There is this Neander, +for instance--h'm! Yet he's not one of the worst." (Good Heavens! +Candid Neander! That soul of child-like purity!) "And yet--h'm! Well, +with God's assistance and favor, his day of Damascus will come."</p> + +<p class="normal">He talked a great deal more of such conceited, equivocal trash; and +though even then some irreverent doubts arose in my mind as to whether +his own theological wisdom was correct, I was impressed by his oracular +speeches, and endeavored to make one answer and another which should +lead to a more professional conversation. But he cut me short by +remarking that there would be time enough for us to come to a clearer +understanding. I might now accompany him down-stairs to his daughter, +and then give the two children their first lesson in history.</p> + +<p class="normal">We found the young lady's room already in order, and she herself, in a +by no means studious mood, sitting at a table which stood in the middle +of the apartment. The Canoness sat by the window with some sewing in +her hand. At our entrance she rose hastily and returned her uncle's +cold good-morning with a slight bend of the head. I did not appear to +have any existence for her.</p> + +<p class="normal">Again I felt my blood boil with indignation. But I only strove the more +to do my work well, in order to show her what a remarkable fellow I +was; nor did I succeed badly, in my own estimation. I began to relate +the history of the Mark from its earliest origin, and as I was myself a +native of the country, and, moreover, very familiar with this subject, +I had the satisfaction of interesting not only my two pupils, but their +papa, to such a degree, that the baron remained a full half-hour, and +was first reminded that he had long since outgrown his school-days by +the announcement that the steward was awaiting his orders.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was especially pleased to see how Achatz fairly hung on my lips +during the narrative of the battles and victories of his ancestors in +this once pagan land. The ice was broken, at any rate, and even +Fräulein Leopoldine, who at first had sat with an insufferably +condescending expression, was evidently excited. Only the grave face at +the window bent like a stone image over the industrious hands, without +any token of interest. I began to doubt whether the beautiful nocturnal +melody could have issued from those obstinately compressed lips.</p> + +<p class="normal">At dinner, when I again saw the mistress of the house, I could plainly +perceive that my first appearance as a pedagogue had produced a +favorable impression. The little lady, with a kindly glance from her +timid blue eyes, held out her hand to me, and asked whether I had slept +well and if I needed anything for my comfort. Achatz displayed in +motley confusion all sorts of crumbs of his new knowledge, and +Mademoiselle Suzon granted me more than one long look from her Catholic +eyes. When I said that the old pastor had requested me to take his +place the following Sunday--which was the next day--the baron said he +was very curious about the conception held by the young school of the +preacher's office, but warned me not to drag my Neander and Marheineke +into the pulpit with me, which of course I smilingly promised.</p> + +<p class="normal">Uncle Joachim, according to his custom, did not utter a word. The +Canoness looked at her plate, and I noticed that she sometimes made a +low remark to her neighbor, who always responded by a quiet smile or a +twinkle in his honest gray eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, that afternoon, I was again alone in my tower, I prepared to +study my sermon with great composure of mind, for I felt perfectly sure +of myself. I had brought from the university and our religious society +a bundle of outline sermons, one of which I took out and read over +again with constant reference to my new hearers. Of course this +masterpiece seemed a thousand times too good for the rural +congregation, but I had intended it principally for my patron and +his family, not least for the obstinate face that, willing or not, +must listen to me for a full half hour. I changed a few details, +repeated the whole in a low tone, while veiling myself in clouds of +tobacco-smoke, and, when I had finished, patted my stomach caressingly, +as though I had just swallowed a dainty morsel, and resolved to take a +short stroll in the park as an aid to digestion.</p> + +<p class="normal">Hitherto I had only seen the grounds through the glass door of the +dining-room, and I now marveled at their extent and beauty.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">Low farm-buildings, stables, and barns extended on both sides in the +rear of the castle, and were separated from the flower-garden in the +center of the park by dense rows of splendid fir-trees. The dry basin +of a fountain, ornamented by a crumbling sandstone statue, served as an +abode for an aged peacock, which could now spread only a very ragged +and shabby tail, as he constantly circled around it, keeping a +distrustful watch. No one except the Canoness, as I afterward noticed, +was permitted to approach without his uttering a shrill, spiteful +scream.</p> + +<p class="normal">The beds, at this early season of the year, were still empty except for +a narrow border of crocuses and snowdrops, but they were neatly raked +and carefully marked out; even the paths between were free from dead +leaves. From this place ran a broad walk fenced on both sides by tall, +closely clipped hedges in the French style. But the tops of the ancient +elms and oaks soared above them into the air, and the solemn splendor +of a German forest far surpassed the Italian prettiness. Never in my +life had I seen anything so beautiful, for the Berlin Thiergarten, so +far as the size of the trees was concerned, could not bear the least +comparison to it.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, studying my sermon, I had strolled some distance under the lofty +crowns of foliage, a strange figure came toward me, whom I at once +supposed to be the gardener--a short, gray-haired man in a peasant's +jerkin, over which a green apron was tied, a green cap, horn spectacles +on his sharp, hawk's nose, an axe in his bony hand, and with one foot +slightly dragging. I went up to him, greeted him in my affable manner, +and asked if it was due to his care that the beautiful park was in such +admirable order.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first he nodded silently, scanning me from head to foot with the air +of an expert examining some new plant to see whether it would be likely +to thrive in this soil. Then he said, by no means sullenly, that he was +the gardener Liborius and I was probably the new tutor. As this was a +leisure evening, he would do me the honor to show me the park.</p> + +<p class="normal">While walking by his side, I had a strange conversation. In the first +place, he modestly refused my praise of his skill in gardening. He +would not be able to accomplish half without Uncle Joachim, who planned +everything that was to be done. True, he himself knew more about +cultivating flowers, because he had been educated for an apothecary, +and, had he not been compelled to enter the army, would probably be one +now. But while serving as the baron's orderly--the elder brother--he +had been shot in the foot; so, after he had obtained his discharge, his +master had made him gardener on the estate. At that time the park was a +perfect wilderness, everything higgledy-piggledy, and at first he had +only bungled, until at last the younger baron came. "Yes," he added, +glancing at me as if somewhat doubtful whether he might venture to +speak openly, "many things would go wrong if it were not for Uncle +Joachim. There's no telling all he has on his shoulders--half the +management of the estate, the garden and stables, and the few cattle, +for the larger portion of the land is leased. And yet he gets small +thanks for it. They say that as a young officer he was what people call +a sly chap, ran in debt, gambled, had love affairs; we know how things +are with young noblemen who serve as officers. Then his brother once +helped him out of a scrape and made him take an oath to lead a regular +life, and he has done so too. But they always treat him like the +prodigal son in the gospel, only there is no fatted calf killed for +him. And why? Because he doesn't go to church. You pull a long face +over it, Herr Candidate, but you can believe this: he's more religious +at heart than many a man who can repeat the whole hymn-book; if he were +not, there's much that would look very different here. For our master, +he's not exactly a bad one, but very strict, like our Lord in the Old +Testament, and looks after the pennies and wages, so, though the +heavens should fall, he never abates any of the work the peasants are +obliged to do for him. Unfortunately, he is obliged to look after his +due, for the estate was heavily laden with debt when he took possession +of it, and had he not made the wealthy marriage he did--for the money +comes from <i>her</i>--he could not have lived here, especially as he, too, +in by-gone days, led a jolly life and spent a great deal. Well, he's +tolerably well over that now, but he nips and saves at all the ends and +corners, always saying it is for his children. Would you believe it, he +wanted to send me off six years ago, after the grounds here were at +last in proper order and the park could be seen again. His brother +could attend to it with one of the servants. Then I said: 'Don't send +me away, Herr Baron; I'm no longer a young man, and have forgotten my +training as an apothecary, and my heart clings to the old trees as we +cleave to an old love. If it's only the wages, I'll gladly give them +up, if I can keep my room and have the little food I eat.' So he let me +stay, and I drudge away in Heaven's name and for the sake of Uncle +Joachim, who could not manage it all alone. And now Fräulein Luise +helps us, too."</p> + +<p class="normal">"The Canoness?" I interrupted.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes, indeed. She has charge of the vegetable-garden, because she knows +best what is wanted in the kitchen. Ah, yes, she is for a woman what +Uncle Joachim is for a man, and gets just as few thanks for it. You +know, of course, Herr Candidate, that she is an orphan, the daughter of +a third brother of our baron, who also squandered his property and died +young. She has lived here at her uncle's since her eighteenth year--she +will be twenty-four next Whitsuntide--and as her aunt has been an +invalid so long, and her uncle is often absent for months, because he +finds the castle tiresome, Fräulein Luise is obliged to stand in the +breach everywhere. Well, she can do it, for she has the brains, and her +heart is in the right place; our Lord will reward her some day for what +she does for her old aunt."</p> + +<p class="normal">The old man stopped, pushed aside with his hatchet a few dry branches +that lay at our feet, and then drew from under his green apron a small +bone snuff-box, from which he offered me a pinch. I took a few grains +for the sake of courtesy, and then, with the most perfect innocence, +for I had not yet penetrated into the real state of affairs, asked:</p> + +<p class="normal">"Is it possible, Herr Liborius? I thought the French lady took charge +of the housekeeping."</p> + +<p class="normal">The old man shrugged his shoulders, slowly stuffed the pinch of snuff +into his little hooked nose, sneezed several times, and after a long +delay replied: "All that glitters is not gold, Herr Candidate. But let +every man sweep before his own door. See, here we are at Uncle +Joachim's rooms. Will you pay him a call? He'll surely be glad to see +you. Not a human creature ever crosses his threshold except myself, his +dog Diana, and Fräulein Luise."</p> + +<p class="normal">We had walked the whole length of the park, to where a tall fence +divided it from the open fields, and were again approaching the castle, +when we reached a small summerhouse connected with the outbuildings by +a long hothouse. As I nodded assent, Liborius knocked, and then, +without waiting for the "Come in!" raised the latch of the crumbling +old door. No one was within. But at first I could not believe that this +utterly cheerless room was occupied by a member of the baron's family. +Against one wall stood a more than plain bed, covered with an old +horse-blanket; a huge arm-chair, from whose worn leather covering the +horsehair stuffing here and there protruded, was at one of the windows, +and at the other a large pine table, without a cloth, on which lay in +excellent order numerous thick account-books, writing-materials, boxes +of seeds, and a leaden tobacco-box; in the corner stood a narrow +wardrobe, and on pegs along the wall hung a few guns and fishing-rods. +This constituted the entire furniture of the yellow-washed room. But +above the bed hung the portrait of a beautiful woman, and a couple of +old copper engravings, representing Napoleon at Fontainebleau, and on +his death-bed, in worm-eaten brown frames.</p> + +<p class="normal">"It is not exactly a princely lodging!" said the gardener, "but he +chose it himself. Well, it makes little difference where we stretch our +limbs if we haven't spared them from early till late. At night all cats +are gray, and any four walls do well enough for a sleeping-room."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then he let me out again, and I went back to the castle, often shaking +my head over the many things I had learned, which had considerably +lowered my high opinion of the people and things around me.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">When the church-bells rang the next morning, I went to the window and +looked down into the courtyard. A large old-fashioned coach, to which +two fine horses were harnessed, was standing before the steps. Almost +immediately the baron came out of the doorway, carefully leading his +wife.</p> + +<p class="normal">Mademoiselle Suzon and the two children followed. They took their seats +in the carriage--Achatz mounting the box, so that if those within moved +a little nearer together there would be room for a slender person. I +waited to see the Canoness, who was always late, come out of the +castle. But the coach-door was closed by the footman, who sprang up +behind, and the vehicle lumbered slowly away.</p> + +<p class="normal">Is she, too, like Uncle Joachim, no church-goer? I thought, and felt +that this would have chagrined me greatly, for I hoped to impress her +especially by my sermon.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I had fretted in vain.</p> + +<p class="normal">I set out at a rapid pace, and, having discovered a meadow-path, which, +intersecting the avenue, led straight to the village and church, I +arrived even before the party from the castle.</p> + +<p class="normal">The sexton received me, ushered me into the vestry, and helped me don +the black robe in which I always seemed to myself especially trim and +ecclesiastical. While the last verse of the hymn was being sung, I saw +by my pocket-mirror that my locks were parted down the middle of my +head in perfect order, and my hands faultlessly clean, and then entered +the crowded church.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had carefully examined and tried my voice in it the day before. It +was as plain and bare as most of our village churches in the Mark, +having been hastily rebuilt with scanty means after a conflagration, +and even robbed of the monuments which, as the sexton said, had come +down from Catholic times. On the whitewashed pillars hung nothing but +dusty and faded bridal and funeral wreaths, with long black or white +streamers and tarnished silver spangles. There was also a black tablet +with a few hooks, from which were suspended the war medals of anno '13, +'14, and '15, with the names of their wearers in clumsy white letters +beneath. The organ alone was handsome, its pipes brightly polished, and +its notes--for the schoolmaster understood his business--greeted me +with a harmonious melody as I climbed the steep stairs to the pulpit.</p> + +<p class="normal">While the last verse died away I had just time to scan my devout +congregation. Opposite to me, in the baronial pew lined with red cloth, +sat the party that had come in the carriage. In the front seat, at its +left, was the pastor's plump old wife; the lines on her cheerful face +were to-day drawn into a peculiarly intent expression. I told myself +that I should have in her a particularly critical auditor. Behind these +pews, in a dense throng, were the peasants and cottagers of the +village, with their wives and children, whose singing, thanks to the +musical teacher, was far more endurable to hear than is usually the +case in our unmelodious region. Spite of my self-confidence, I was +forced to subdue the quickened throbbing of my heart as I saw the eyes +of all these strangers fixed steadily and not exactly benevolently upon +me. I was really glad not to discover among them one pair that, within +the last few days, had already more than once disturbed my peace of +mind.</p> + +<p class="normal">But just as I was opening the Bible on the pulpit desk to read the +text, the door at the end of the narrow aisle, between the rows of +pews, noiselessly opened, and, amid a stream of sunlight and spring +air, that was instantly shut out again, the Canoness entered. Instead +of passing through the rows to take her seat in the baron's pew, she +unceremoniously sat down on the farthest bench, where an old woman, in +whom I now recognized Mother Lieschen, made room for her with a +friendly nod. No one else in the church noticed her; this late arrival +appeared to be considered perfectly proper.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I began my sermon in a somewhat unsteady voice, but it soon grew +firmer. The text was: "Many are called, but few are chosen."</p> + +<p class="normal">The doctrine of predestination had frequently been the theme of our +debates at the university, and the sermon as I had brought it in my +trunk bore evident traces of the learned apparatus with which I was +accustomed to defend my views. For my present congregation, however, I +had wisely omitted this, and restricted myself to bringing the kingdom +of God as I had dreamed of it, in vast outlines, but colored with +brilliant hues, before the imagination of my listeners. It resembled, +as it were, a beautiful fairy palace, to which led an immense, broad +staircase. This symbolized the temporal world in which, separated by +steps, the many called and the few chosen hurried on together. For, I +said, as all nature shows a gradual development from a lower to a +higher stage, in which no creature has reason to complain, since thus +alone can the omnipotence of God, which renders everything that might +be possible actual, reveal itself; so it is compatible with the +Creator's infinite righteousness that he does not endow all his +creatures equally, but makes distinctions, and, with apparent severity, +favors one and neglects another. Thus only could he have completed the +wondrous picture of the world, without leaving any step vacant or +overleaping transitions. If dissatisfaction should thereby arise, the +peace that is not of this world will at some future time silence all +complaints and reconcile all contradictions. On the day the portals of +that palace would open at the sound of the last trump, all who were +waiting on the stairs would be invited to celebrate the entrance into +the heavenly mansions. Ay, even those on the lowest step. For it is +explicitly written: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the +kingdom of heaven."</p> + +<p class="normal">I now adorned this idea of a staircase, which, as the final tableau of +a fairy opera, would have done credit to a scene-painter, with the +necessary lay figures and heroic characters, which I will briefly pass +over here. It is only necessary to say that in the elect on the upper +step I described with tolerable clearness people of the stamp of my +employer and his family--high-born, wealthy mortals, endowed with every +advantage of nature and education, and also with the grace of true +religion; while on the lowest step crawled poverty-stricken creatures, +bereft of happiness, like Mother Lieschen, who, however, would also be +saved if they gathered the treasures which moth and rust do not +destroy.</p> + +<p class="normal">After I had pronounced the benediction over the congregation and +descended the steep stairs of the pulpit, I felt fairly intoxicated by +my own fiery eloquence, and considered it only natural that the baron +should signify his most gracious approval by a nod of his handsome +head. The pastor's wife, on the contrary, had not changed her +expression in the least, and did not stir even when I passed close by +her. I forgave her from my heart for being unable to feel friendly to +the new star that outshone her husband.</p> + +<p class="normal">The sexton, however, praised me lavishly. Only I had made my sermon a +little too aristocratic.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I could scarcely wait for the dinner-bell to ring, as I fully expected +that the whole conversation over the Sunday roast would turn upon my +sermon. But in this I was bitterly disappointed.</p> + +<p class="normal">A guest had arrived who had not witnessed my oratorical triumph, a +thorough man of the world, as I perceived at the first glance. He was +called Cousin Kasimir; I do not know whether the relationship was +through the baron or his wife, for he was so disagreeable to me that I +vouchsafed him no special notice. The young gentleman had ridden over +from a neighboring estate, where he was living as a student of +agriculture, lured less by the aroma of the baronial table, which even +on Sunday promised no choice dishes, than, as everybody knew, by +designs on his cousin, the Canoness, in which he had long obstinately +persisted, though without any form of encouragement. He seemed to have +resolved not to attempt to take the coy fortress by storm, but induce +it to surrender by tenacious persistence. So he sat between Fräulein +Luise and the young girl Leopoldine, without addressing a word to +either, but zealously striving to entertain the whole company by +amusing anecdotes, bits of gossip, and jests with Uncle Joachim. The +latter always gave him sharp, curt replies, whose quiet scorn the young +man did not appear to feel. In the intervals he discussed politics with +his host, of course from the standpoint of the nobility; and +Mademoiselle Suzon was the only lady at table who could boast of a +slight show of gallantry from him.</p> + +<p class="normal">On the other hand, he did not seem to be aware of the existence of the +mistress of the house, nor of my important self, though the baron had +presented me to him with some flattering words about my intellectual +gifts.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nothing was said of my sermon.</p> + +<p class="normal">Wounded vanity naturally led me to cherish a secret, but all the more +bitter, hatred of the new guest. Even now, though I have long since +learned to smile at this pitiable youthful weakness, I must, for +truth's sake, admit that Cousin Kasimir, fine gentleman though he might +be, was an insufferable fellow, and had a face that might aptly be +styled a hang-dog countenance.</p> + +<p class="normal">Very much annoyed, I went out into the garden as soon as we rose from +the table. I should have been glad to meet my honest friend Liborius, +not to hear him praise my pulpit eloquence, but to question him about +the object of my hate. He was, however, nowhere to be seen. He spent +his Sunday afternoons, as I learned later, in a neighboring village, +where he had placed a daughter, the child of an unlawful youthful love, +in the charge of worthy people. The baron inexorably banished +everything bordering upon unchaste relations from his pure +neighborhood.</p> + +<p class="normal">I sat for a while under the budding trees on one of the most remote +benches in the park, and the worm of unsatisfied vanity gnawed my +heart. At last I consoled myself with the thought that the fitting +opportunity to speak of such exalted subjects had not yet come, and +when the conceited nobleman had taken leave the neglect would be more +than made up.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I at last rose and resolved to have the church opened again and +improvise a short time on the organ, for I was accustomed to be my own +Orpheus, and quell, by the power of music, the wild beasts which, spite +of my religion, ever and anon stirred in my heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">But as I approached the little summer-house where Uncle Joachim lodged, +I saw the door open and Fräulein Luise come out, taking leave of her +friend with a cordial clasp of the hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">I confess that this meeting was not exactly welcome. Her icy +manner--even colder than usual--at dinner had told me plainly enough +that I had by no means advanced in her esteem. But in certain moods a +vain man longs to hear himself talked about at any cost, and would +rather endure the most pitiless verdict than the offense of silence.</p> + +<p class="normal">Therefore, instead of turning into a side-path, I quickened my steps +toward my foe, who, without taking the slightest notice of me, friendly +or otherwise, quietly pursued her way to the kitchen-garden.</p> + +<p class="normal">I soon came up with her, bowed politely, and asked whether she objected +to my bearing her company a few moments.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Not in the least," she calmly replied. She merely desired to look at +the young plants, which was not an occupation in which one could not be +disturbed.</p> + +<p class="normal">We walked for some distance side by side in silence. She did not +wear the gray dress to-day, but a black one, whose contrast made her +fair face look still whiter. A thin gold chain, from which hung an +old-fashioned locket, was twisted around her neck. I afterward learned +that it contained her mother's miniature. I do not remember ever having +seen her wear any other ornament.</p> + +<p class="normal">Her expression was even colder and more repellent than usual, yet she +seemed to me more beautiful than on the first day I saw her. She again +wore over her golden hair the little black kerchief I thought her most +becoming head-gear.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You were at church to-day, Fräulein," I began at last, for I felt that +I must hear something about my sermon.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes," she answered, gazing calmly at the freshly dug beds by the path. +"But I shall not go again when you preach."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Why?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Because I will not have the God I love marred by you."</p> + +<p class="normal">This was too much. I stopped as though a loaded pistol had been fired +under my nose.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Permit me to ask," I said, essaying a superior smile, "in what respect +the God you love differs from him whom we all, including myself, have +worshiped in our Sunday service to-day."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, if you wish to know," she replied with a slight curl of the lip, +which, spite of my wrath at her depreciation, I thought bewitching. +"You have made a God who reigns in heaven very much as an aristocratic +patron of the church rules his estate. When there is a harvest festival +here, and the peasants come into the court-yard of the castle to cheer +the noble family, they arrange themselves on the steps very much as, in +your imagination, humanity stands on your staircase: the magistrates at +the top, then the villagers, graded according to the amount of their +property and cattle, and at the very bottom Mother Lieschen, who owns +nothing but a wretched hut, a dog, and a goat, yet nevertheless +receives a gracious glance because, as you think, she is poor in +spirit. To certain ears this may have been an admirable prophecy of the +Day of Judgment. In the ears of God it must have sounded somewhat +differently."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Then you do not admit the gradual development of all mortal +creatures?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Certainly. Who would deny it? Only the image of poor humanity probably +looks somewhat different to the omniscient eyes of God than when seen +through the spectacles of our arrogant prejudices. If there were such a +staircase, reaching to the portals of heaven, Mother Lieschen might +perhaps stand on the topmost step, and certain others, to whom you have +borne such flattering testimony, at the very bottom."</p> + +<p class="normal">I wished to give the conversation, which was becoming more and more +embarrassing to me, a different turn, and said in the gayest tone I +could assume:</p> + +<p class="normal">"You seem to be a special patroness of this old dame, who doubtless +possesses a multitude of secret virtues. You preferred the seat by her +side to one in the baron's pew."</p> + +<p class="normal">She now stopped in her turn, flashing so strange a glance at me from +her brown eyes, that all inclination to jest vanished.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes," she said, "I like to sit where my heart attracts me. I think +there would be neither patrons' pews in the church, nor hereditary +tombs in the grave-yard, if people did not merely bear God's words on +their lips, but were aware that we are all sinners and lack the grace +we ought to have before God. Their forgetfulness of it is the fault of +the false expounders of the gospel, who value worldly profit more than +the kingdom of heaven. Ay, look at me, Herr Weissbrod. You, too, are +among them, spite of your excellent theological testimonials and St. +John's head. Otherwise you would not speak of the old dame with pitying +contempt, merely because she is the poorest person in the parish. First +learn to know her as I do. Then I hope your derision of her secret +virtues will cease. That she <i>does</i> conceal them is possibly her +greatest merit, and God, who seeth in secret, will perhaps reward her +openly."</p> + +<p class="normal">She turned away with a hasty gesture of indignation, and seemed about +to leave me. But I was not so easily shaken off.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I have irritated you, Fräulein," I said somewhat dejectedly. "We will +discuss my theology no further. But I should be very grateful if you +would give me some other particulars of your protégée. I really did not +intend to despise the old dame on account of her poverty."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Really?" she retorted. "Did you not? Well, I will believe you, though +you don't seem to possess much knowledge of character. But you would be +greatly mistaken if you supposed that Mother Lieschen is one of the +poor in spirit. Let me tell you that I owe all, or at any rate a large +share, of my love and reverence for God, and the small amount of +Christian patience I have acquired, solely to my intercourse with this +sorely tried soul. When I made her acquaintance, six years ago, I had a +defiant, despairing heart. Now I believe, in all humility and +cheerfulness, that my Creator will impose upon me no heavier burden +than I can bear, and know that a human being who possesses genuine +nobility can never lose it, no matter into what society he may be +thrown. Only he must fear God more than men, even those who, in your +opinion, stand on the highest step, next the angels and archangels, as +at court the second rank of nobility is close beside the royal +personage. You wonder to hear a Canoness speak so irreverently of noble +birth. But I have seen too many base and contemptible acts perpetrated +by people with the longest pedigrees, to feel very proud of my +ancestors. There will be quite a different Almanach de Gotha in heaven +from the one here below, I think, and perhaps there Mother Lieschen +will have a nine-pointed coronet over her name."</p> + +<p class="normal">Wondering more and more, I made no reply. She had hurled these remarks +at me with sharp abruptness, while her fair face flushed, and the +little locks on her temples trembled with repressed excitement. I had +had no idea that an aristocratic young lady could cherish such +democratic ideas and express them as a matter of course.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Tell me more about this rare Christian," I asked at last.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, that is soon done. She lost three fine sons in the war of +liberation; her only daughter was led astray by a dissolute +fellow--also one of those on the highest step; her husband, who until +then had been thoroughly steady, was driven by sorrow to the demon of +drink, and died a wretched death. She herself was at first utterly +crushed by all these troubles, especially as the little property she +possessed was lost through faithless people. But she remembered the +promise, 'All things work together for good, to them that love God,' +and resolved that she would not suffer herself to be overwhelmed, but +in her great desolation constantly sought those who were as sorely +tried, nursed the sick, and shared her last mouthful with a poor +outcast till the girl could maintain herself. While thus employed, her +old heart became at last so cheerful that whenever I am with her all my +own somber thoughts leave me, and I would rather cross her threshold +than stand on the topmost step of your staircase and be invited to +enter by an aristocratic archangel, as the reception of the few elect +was just being held. Now I will bid you good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. I +have something to tell Uncle Joachim."</p> + +<p class="normal">After passing through the kitchen-garden, we had again reached the +little summer-house. The Canoness nodded haughtily, raised the latch, +and left me standing outside, disturbed and bewildered.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">But, strange to say, roughly as the shower-bath had dashed over me, I +did not feel in the least chilled, but revived and strengthened, as we +do after a rain which, though drenching us to the skin, has at the same +time washed all the dust and feverish heat from our limbs, so that, +even while shaking and shivering, we can not help laughing at the +baptism.</p> + +<p class="normal">Even had her words been more severe and stinging they would have +inflicted no sharp wounds, for the voice which uttered them soothed me +like balm, though the tones were by no means gentle, but often harsh +with indignation. Yet, when she spoke of the persons and things that +were dear to her, one could imagine no richer melody. I felt in that +hour a strange ambition to have her voice some day pronounce my name +also in that sweet, thrilling tone.</p> + +<p class="normal">And how her whole appearance had bewitched me, while she lectured me so +pitilessly!</p> + +<p class="normal">I was lost in reverie as I returned to the castle. Cousin Kasimir met +me, and asked if I knew where Fräulein Luise was. I shook my head. Even +his hang-dog face did not seem quite so disagreeable when the pinched +lips uttered that name.</p> + +<p class="normal">And how I felt an hour later when, unable to fix my thoughts upon any +occupation, I sat at my tower-window and suddenly heard beneath me +the piano and then the voice for which I had so passionately longed. +To-day, since the time for sleep had not yet come, there was no +repression, but a power and fullness of melody which, when a note +seemed to soar triumphantly upward, or to sink into the very depths of +the soul, sometimes brought my heart into my throat. It was another +aria by the same composer, who was her special favorite. For nearly an +hour this pure flood of harmony flowed through my penitent soul. I may +truly say that whatever transformation of my nature her words had +failed to accomplish was completed by her singing.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the supper hour arrived, I sent word by the servant that I begged +to be excused, I was not well.</p> + +<p class="normal">With this fib my first Sunday ended. I was, on the contrary, so +rapturously well that I could not bear to be confined within four +walls, but slipped out into the open air and sauntered for several +hours, with an overflowing heart, under the waving branches of the +trees, and over the young grain sprouting in the dark fields, until all +the lights in the castle were extinguished.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">If, from the foregoing confession of faith, you have drawn the +inference that Herr Johannes Weissbrod had regularly fallen in love +with Fräulein Luise von X., the conjecture might be termed premature.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, I had had as yet no personal experience in this department, but I +knew from the stories of others, and my own few observations, that love +includes the tender desire to take possession of the beloved object. +Even in its boldest dreams my agitated soul had not felt a trace of +such a yearning. If ever so-called Platonic affection existed, it was +in my case, though some eccentricities would have given a third person +cause to smile.</p> + +<p class="normal">For, albeit I could not help thinking constantly of her, I did not feel +this constraint, after the manner of lovers, as a sweet bond imposed +upon me, but struggled against my chains, and had moments when I almost +hated them, though even then she seemed to me one of the most +remarkable human beings I had ever met. At such times I would gladly +have practiced some little act of retaliation upon her--of course +merely to shame her, and show that I really was no such contemptible +fellow, but with my intellect and learning could have held my own +beside any arrogant young lady.</p> + +<p class="normal">I also detected in myself a secret envy, which will show you how far I +was from the usual condition of being in love. I would gladly have been +in Uncle Joachim's place, even for a few hours, to feel how it seemed +to be liked and honored by this girl. And, if this could not be, I +would have even consented to be transformed by some magic spell into +Mother Lieschen.</p> + +<p class="normal">At night I dreamed that the beautiful staircase to the portal of heaven +was before me perfectly empty; but when I tried to mount it I +constantly slipped back, till at last I remained with bruised knees on +the lowest step. Just at that moment the door opened and St. Peter came +out--who, however, bore a striking likeness to Uncle Joachim--leading +with his right hand the Canoness and with his left Mother Lieschen. All +three looked down at me and suddenly began to laugh. I started up +angrily, and gave them a sharp lecture on the wickedness of malice. +While I was in the midst of it, the little old baroness came up, looked +compassionately at me, and said, "Give me your hand, my son." Then she +led me up the stairs with as light a step as if she were no longer an +invalid, saying, "You see, Johannes, it is perfectly easy, only we must +leave behind the learned luggage you have dragged with you in your +trunk." And, indeed, it seemed as if I had received winged shoes, like +the messenger of the Greek gods, yet the stairs appeared endless. +Higher and higher I floated, but still saw the three at the same +distance above me, only they were no longer laughing, and the vision +constantly grew paler, till at last I beheld nothing but the horn +buttons on St. Peter's gray coat, glittering like stars, and the +Canoness's golden hair shone like the sun on a winter day, while Mother +Lieschen's gray locks fluttered around her little pale face like the +autumn clouds about the moon. When at last the dread that I should +never get up found utterance in a shrill cry, I woke and felt ashamed +that the sun was shining on my bed.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">My first business that morning was to send for the barber who shaved +the baron every day, and have him cut my hair. True, what remained was +still brushed behind my ears, the parting, however, was no longer +exactly in the middle, but a little on the left side. When I went down +with my pupil to the history lesson I was vexed that this important +change in my outer man, symbolical of a transformation of my views, did +not receive a glance from her on whom I hoped it would produce an +impression. Achatz alone made some foolish remark about it, which I +sternly reproved. Fräulein Luise again sat at the window, sewing on a +child's jacket, as completely unmoved as if nothing had passed between +us the day before.</p> + +<p class="normal">So she remained during the whole week. I did not understand how I could +have fancied, even in a dream, that I heard her laugh, for she never +laughed.</p> + +<p class="normal">I should have been delighted to meet her again alone, but she never +permitted it. So I had no resource except to continue in my next sermon +our conversation in the kitchen-garden, an expedient which gave me one +advantage--she would be unable to interrupt me.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, while in the act of connecting my sermon with my cleverly chosen +text, the old pastor sent me word by one of the school-children that, +as his foot was now tolerably well, he intended to occupy the pulpit +himself on the following Sunday.</p> + +<p class="normal">This greatly annoyed me. When the Sunday came I should have preferred +to stay away from church, especially as I did not know which would be +the most suitable seat for me. I could not take my place in the baron's +pew without a special invitation, which was not given, and I did not +consider it exactly proper to sit among the congregation. So I chose an +excellent expedient by joining the schoolmaster in the organ-loft, +where a dozen towheaded children stared at me. Requesting the worthy +man, by a condescending gesture, not to trouble himself about me, I sat +down on a stool behind the low wooden railing.</p> + +<p class="normal">From here I could overlook the whole church except the last bench under +the organ-loft, which was the very one that most interested me, because +I supposed Mother Lieschen and some one else to be there. But I had not +much time for such thoughts.</p> + +<p class="normal">While the hymn was being sung, the door of the vestry opened and the +old pastor appeared, accompanied by the sexton, who carried the Bible, +while his wife walked by his side, supporting his feeble steps with her +strong hand. With trembling knees the old clergyman slowly ascended the +pulpit stairs, and was obliged to rest for a time--which he passed in +silent prayer--in a chair that had been placed for him. Then he rose as +if refreshed, and, when he had opened the Bible and cast a long, gentle +glance over the congregation, he seemed ten years younger, and his +wrinkled but kindly apostolic face glowed as though illumined by the +fire of youth.</p> + +<p class="normal">He had chosen for his text the words of the seventh psalm: "My defense +is of God, which saveth the upright in heart."</p> + +<p class="normal">I had intended to watch sharply, to endeavor to detect some reference +to my own sermon, as I could well imagine that the pastor's wife had +told her husband about it, and not in the most favorable way. But after +the first few sentences all my vain self-consciousness vanished, and +even my renowned powers of theological criticism, which I had so often +valiantly tested at the university. True, there was no trace of any +controversial disposition in the low words from those withered lips, +which, however, were so distinct that not one remained unheard. The old +man opened his reverent heart to all who had ears to listen, as a +father speaks to the children who cluster around his knees. I have +forgotten what he said. It was anything but what is termed an +intellectual discourse. But the tone of his voice has rung in my ears +all my life, as though I had heard it only yesterday.</p> + +<p class="normal">I can remember but one thing: that he referred to the calamity of the +preceding year, when floods and stunted harvests had affected the +village; but all this trouble had not been able to depress pious +hearts, only those who did not have God for their shield, and what a +precious thing this shield was, and many more simple, earnest words of +this sort, all appealing with gentle power to every heart, because they +did not merely spring from the lips, but were felt in the depths of the +soul.</p> + +<p class="normal">The dull peasants listened so breathlessly that the fall of a leaf +might have been heard in the church. I glanced once at the occupants of +the red pew. The baron had closed his eyes and bowed his handsome head +on his breast--in contrition, as I first thought. Then I perceived, by +the strange nodding, as it drooped lower, that he was indulging in a +little nap. His wife's face, on the contrary, was raised, and she did +not avert her eyes from the venerable bald head and silver locks of the +speaker. As Mademoiselle Suzon was of a different faith, it could +hardly be considered a crime that she was constantly glancing here and +there over the congregation.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the sermon was over, and the people were just preparing to sing +the last two verses of that day's hymn, I hastily signed to the +schoolmaster to let me take his seat at the organ, and at first +modestly played the accompaniment; afterward, however, I put forth all +my skill, not from the vain desire to make myself talked about, but an +earnest longing to pour forth in music all the emotions of my +overflowing heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">A magnificent motet by Graun had been constantly echoing in my ears +during the sermon, a harmony as full of the faith of childhood and the +gentleness of age as the nature of the old clergyman in the pulpit. I +now began to play it with a quiet fervor and triumphant devotion which +finally made the tears gush from my own eyes. At the same time the +image of the maiden whom I revered rose before my mind, and, as I had +so long been unable to communicate with her in words, it was a pleasure +to think: She is hearing you play, and, as her own being is instinct +with music, you will approach her across all the gulfs that yawn +between you, and she must begin to think better of you!</p> + +<p class="normal">When I at last closed with a bit of improvisation, and rose, glowing +with excitement, I saw close behind me the whole flock of children from +both villages, who had stolen softly up from below and gathered around +with shy reverence, as if I were a magician. But I sought only one pair +of eyes, and enjoyed the first happy moment for several days. The +Canoness was standing beside the old peasant woman, gazing rapturously +into vacancy, as though still under the thrall of the notes she had +just heard. As I passed with a slight bow, she only moved her blonde +lashes a little, while her lips parted in a serene smile. No +enthusiastic eulogy could have rewarded me more highly.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I could scarcely wait to meet her again at dinner. I fully expected +that she would at last break her cold silence, and question me about +what I had played, my musical studies and tastes. But nothing of the +sort occurred. Nay, while all the others were praising and admiring me, +and the Frenchwoman, with studied graciousness, kept her black eyes on +my face, and laid a large piece of roast goose on my plate with her own +hands, Fräulein Luise looked at me so absently and indifferently that I +could not help secretly brooding over this mystery.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was also annoyed because the baron, who had made no allusion to my +sermon, delivered a long speech about my organ-music, from which I +perceived that he had not taken the slightest interest in it, and was +merely patching together, with a defective memory, certain phrases +about the value of music to religious consciousness and the sin of +considering the old church-hymns antiquated.</p> + +<p class="normal">But Uncle Joachim vouchsafed me for the first time a brief conversation +in a low tone, which, however, I scarcely regarded as an honor. I +thought him an insignificant, frivolous old nobleman; besides, he had +not been to church at all.</p> + +<p class="normal">I longed to learn whether I owed the happy moment after my playing to +self-delusion, or what was the reason I had again fallen into disfavor +with the Canoness. So, soon after dinner, I went into the park and +sauntered about within a short distance of the summer-house, holding in +my hand a book, at which I gazed intently without reading a line.</p> + +<p class="normal">My friend Liborius had told me that Fräulein Luise drank coffee every +Sunday afternoon with her Uncle Joachim, who made it himself in his +little pot, and ordered the cakes from the town at the next station. +They always enjoyed it very much, and could often be heard talking and +laughing loudly together.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had seen her go there that day, after giving a Sunday morsel to the +sick peacock and stroking its back as it came up to her, screaming and +fluttering. I did not understand how she could love the spiteful, +disagreeable bird, any more than I could comprehend what attracted her +to her godless uncle, with his sarcastic smile, whom I so greatly +envied on account of her preference. I waited at my post an hour and a +half in a very irritated mood, and was just in the act of turning away, +and driving the arrogant enchantress out of my thoughts, when the door +of the summer-house opened and she herself appeared, evidently in the +gayest humor.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, as she caught sight of me, a shadow instantly flitted over her +face, and only a faint smile of superiority lingered on her lips.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You are waiting for me, Herr Weissbrod," she said, carelessly, +advancing directly to me. "You want a compliment for your church +concert, do you not? Well, you played very finely."</p> + +<p class="normal">I was so bewildered by this address, and still more by the glance with +which she seemed to illumine my inmost heart, and read my most secret +thoughts, that at first I could only stammer a few unmeaning words. She +seemed to pity my awkwardness.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes," she repeated, "you really played very finely. Where did you +learn? Our organ sounds well, doesn't it? Do you play on the piano +too?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I answered that I had taken lessons at college, but had never made much +progress on the piano, which required greater dexterity. Besides, there +were no such beautiful, solemn melodies for the piano as for the organ.</p> + +<p class="normal">She again looked at me with so strange an expression that I lowered my +eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you love music only when it is solemn?" she asked, and turned away +as if to leave me. But I was determined to speak freely and compel her +to confess her grudge against me.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I thought you would be of the same opinion on this point," I answered, +hastily. "At least I have only heard you sing slow, solemn melodies."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Me? Oh, yes! You are my neighbor in the tower." She smiled faintly, +but instantly grew grave again. "Well, would you like to know why I +sing nothing else? Because I have a heavy voice that does not suit gay +airs. Yet 'Bloom, dear Violet,' and 'When I on my Faded Cheek,' or +anything still more light and cheerful, can touch the feelings as much +as the most devout choral, if it only comes from a merry heart and a +pure voice. True, we can not win artistic renown or be considered +specially pious by singing such things; though I think God has the same +pleasure in the chirp of the cricket as in the trills of the +nightingale."</p> + +<p class="normal">"You wound me, Fräulein," I answered, crimson with emotion. "You do me +great injustice if you believe that what I do or leave undone is for +the sake of external effect. Who gave you so bad an opinion of me?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She stopped and looked at me again, not into my eyes, but at my hair, +whose parting had meanwhile daily moved farther to the left.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you really care to know what I think of you? Well, I believe you +vain and weak, a man who no longer reflects upon anything because he +imagines he has made himself familiar, once for all, with all the +enigmas of life, though he does not yet know even the first word of +them. I don't blame you, for I know that this is the case with most of +those who have pursued your path. But, as I have different ideas of the +one thing needful, we certainly have nothing to share with each other."</p> + +<p class="normal">I felt a keen pang at these words, but was resolved at any cost to know +more, to know everything.</p> + +<p class="normal">"And what is your idea of the one thing needful?" I asked, trembling +with emotion. "You say such hard things to me. Are you perfectly sure +that you have a right to do so? Are you certain that you are yourself +in possession of the right knowledge?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, no," she replied, and her voice suddenly sounded strangely low and +earnest, as if she were speaking only to herself; "but I know that I +seek truth and allow myself to be led astray by no external delusion, +peril, or reward. No more can be required of any one, but no human +being should demand less from himself. I don't know why I am saying +this to you; I see by your puzzled face that it is a language wholly +unfamiliar. Well, I have neither taste nor talent for converting any +one. I shall thank God if I can conquer myself."</p> + +<p class="normal">She bent over a bed to straighten a young cabbage-plant that had just +been set out and was half trodden down.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Fräulein," I said, once more fully conscious of my ecclesiastical +dignity, "has not God himself pointed out to us the way in which we +must seek him? And is it not boastful to disdain this allotted way and +seek a side-path, merely in order to be able to say to ourselves that +we do not follow the high-road?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She straightened herself, and flashed a glance at me from her dark +eyes, which she always closed a little when angry.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Boastful!" she answered. "If food that neither satisfies nor nourishes +is offered, and I can break from some bough fruit that suits me better! +Boastful, because I do not wish to starve! That is only another of +those speeches learned by rote. You do not even suspect how much you +yourself suffer from arrogance." Then, after a pause, during which I +persistently asked myself, "Good Heavens! what am I to do? how shall I +say anything that does not displease her?" she added:</p> + +<p class="normal">"I will tell you why the high-road is so detestable to me: because I +can not bear to hear strangers chatter thoughtlessly about things I +love. If I revere any human being, it always seems to me like a +desecration to hear him approved and praised by others who do not know +him so well; how much more when I hear all sorts of things said about +my Creator, things which distort the image of him I cherish in my +heart! I suddenly turn as cold as ice, and feel as much oppressed as if +he were taken from me, and strangers were pressing between us. Whoever +really loves God keeps that love secretly, does not repeat others' +protestations of affection, nor use worn-out forms of speech already +employed a thousand times. It seems to me like having a love-letter +copied from a letter-writer. You know the passage in the Bible that +says we must go to our closets and shut the door. Yet you come forward +publicly and preach your petty human wisdom, as if you were thereby +doing God a special favor. If you had a wife, would you not be ashamed +to plant yourself in the village street and protest that she was a +paragon of her sex?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh," I said, "how can you make such a comparison! God belongs to no +one person alone."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you really believe so? I think, on the contrary, that God belongs +to every human being alone. He dwells in a special way in each human +soul, and whoever does not feel this has not received him into his +heart at all."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Then you object to all public worship, Fräulein?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"No, only that which prevents our coming to ourselves and God within +us. Did you not hear how our old pastor preached to-day? How completely +he forgot that he was in a crowded church, and poured out his heart as +if he were alone with his Creator! So every one had time to do the +same, and also approach God in his own soul. The rest of the old man's +discourse was like a father talking to his children. Even if they did +not all agree with him, they heard him speak from his inmost heart, and +were glad to have him still among them and see his venerable white hair +and his gentle eyes."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Then it surely is not my fault if I can not assume the right paternal +tone, since my hair is not yet white," I answered, trying to jest.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Not your fault," she replied, "but the fault of those who believe +young people capable of taking charge of a parish. Well, it is all the +same to me."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Because you will not go to church again when I preach? Oh, Fräulein, +try once more! Don't give me up too quickly! What you have said has +made a deeper impression upon me than you suppose. Perhaps we may yet +understand each other better than you now believe."</p> + +<p class="normal">She reflected an instant, and then said: "Very well, if you lay stress +upon it, I will try once more. At the worst, I can think of something +else. Farewell!"</p> + +<p class="normal">She left me, and walked with her swift, even steps to the castle.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I can not describe the state of mind in which I spent the days until +the following Sunday.</p> + +<p class="normal">When a house, in which a man has lived safely and happily for years, +suddenly falls under the shock of an earthquake, and he escapes, at +great peril, with bruised head and half-broken limbs into the open air, +his feelings may be somewhat akin to mine.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first, it is true, the old Adam stirred and tried to reconstruct the +ruined edifice and persuade me that it might be made habitable again. +But I soon felt that the dust floating around it oppressed my breathing +more and more, and the old walls shook at the slightest motion. Only +one little room had escaped the universal destruction--the one I was to +enter and shut the door behind me to be alone with my Creator and my +love for him.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I am not writing the confessions of my own soul and my incarnation, +but the account of a far better and more interesting human being. So I +will be brief.</p> + +<p class="normal">My anxiety lest the old pastor should be able to fill his pulpit again +the following Sunday, for which I did not reproach myself at all, +though it showed little love for my neighbor, had been superfluous. His +disease again confined him to the arm-chair by the window. But he +talked long and cordially with me, and, when on my departure he +embraced me, I thought I perceived that he was better satisfied with my +conversation this time than during our first interview. With his wife, +however, I had found no special favor as yet.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the Sunday had come and I heard the bells ring and the hymn was +sung, I was obliged to drink a glass of the wine kept in the vestry for +the communion service, in order to control the wholly unprecedented +weakness that assailed me. My knees trembled as if I were about to +plead my own cause before a jury, in a case where my life was at stake. +Yet there were only two judges in the church whose verdict I valued--my +own consciousness, and the grave face beside Mother Lieschen in the +last pew.</p> + +<p class="normal">To be brief, the culprit was absolved.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had chosen the text, "I will not let thee go, except thou bless me!"</p> + +<p class="normal">And when I began to speak it was not long ere I forgot everything +around and was entirely alone in the church with one whom hitherto I +had only known afar off, but who now for the first time drew near me, +clasped my cold, damp hand, and gazed into my eyes with indescribable +goodness, gentleness, and majesty, so that I clung fervently to him and +poured forth all the trouble of my bewildered soul till he raised and +blessed me.</p> + +<p class="normal">My heart was so melted by the feeling of having at last beheld my God +that I did not even glance at the pew under the organ-loft. But, in a +pause which I was compelled to make to control my emotion, I perceived +two things that satisfied me that I had found the right words: the +pastor's wife was gazing affectionately at me with motherly love, as if +she were listening to her own son, and the baron had again let his chin +sink on his breast and was sleeping the sleep of the just, as soundly +and sweetly as I had seen him on the previous Sunday during the old +pastor's sermon.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I could scarcely wait for dinner. I did not expect a kind word from any +of the others, but I firmly believed that she would grant me a friendly +look.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, as I entered the dining-room, my first glance fell on the cold, +arrogant face of Cousin Kasimir, and all my pleasure was spoiled.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, my heart grew warm again. For the first time Uncle Joachim was +not the only one who pressed my hand. Fräulein Luise also extended +hers, which was neither small nor especially white, but, when I +cordially clasped and pressed it, I felt a joy akin to that of the +first man when the Creator stretched out his hand and bade him rise and +look heavenward.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was but a brief happiness; I perceived, by the Canoness's stern eyes +and compressed lips, that she was no longer thinking of me and my +sermon, but of something repulsive and hopeless. Besides, she did not +whisper some confidential remark to her neighbor now and then, as +usual, and a leaden cloud of discomfort rested upon the whole company +at table.</p> + +<p class="normal">Cousin Kasimir alone seemed to be in an unusually cheerful mood, which, +however, did not appear quite natural, and chattered continually, +telling hunting stories, news from Berlin, and occasionally commencing +bits of gossip, which the baron hastened to interrupt on the children's +account.</p> + +<p class="normal">He was very handsomely dressed, wore a small bouquet of violets in his +new dark-blue coat, and had carefully trimmed his somewhat thin fair +hair and small mustache.</p> + +<p class="normal">As soon as we rose from the table, the Canoness was retiring as usual, +but her uncle said: "Come to my room, Luise." She looked at him with a +steady, almost defiant glance, then stooped to kiss her aunt's cheek +and followed him.</p> + +<p class="normal">Cousin Kasimir had approached Mademoiselle Suzon, to whom he constantly +paid compliments in French, without receiving any special +encouragement. My pupil had seized his sister's hand and hurried off to +show her a new gun Cousin Kasimir had brought him. The old baroness sat +in her high-backed chair, gazing at the beautiful blue sky as if her +thoughts were far away. I took my leave of her, which roused her from +her abstraction, and she gave me her little wrinkled hand, looked at me +with her sad, gentle eyes, and said: "You edified me greatly to-day, +Herr Candidate. God bless you for it."</p> + +<p class="normal">At any other time this praise would have greatly delighted me, but +to-day all my thoughts were fixed on the person to whom my heart clung, +and I could not shake off the idea that she was now enduring an +unpleasant scene. I went up to my chamber in the tower and paced +restlessly to and fro within its four walls, like a wild beast +in a cage. Sometimes I went to the window and looked down into the +court-yard without knowing what I expected to see there. An hour +probably passed in this way, then a groom led Cousin Kasimir's horse to +the foot of the steps and, directly after, he himself appeared, +accompanied by the master of the house. He was very much excited, he +had cocked his hat defiantly over his left eye, and was lashing his +high boots violently with his riding-whip. I heard his disagreeable +laugh, which now sounded angry and malignant. He shook the baron's hand +and, with a wrathful smile, said a few words I did not understand, +which brought a sullen look to his companion's face. Then he swung +himself into the saddle, driving his spurs into the flanks of his noble +horse so cruelly that it reared high in the air, and then darted like +an arrow down the elm avenue with its savage rider.</p> + +<p class="normal">I remained standing at the window a little longer; I did not know +myself why I felt so strangely relieved by this speedy departure. +Something decisive, something that had made the hated cousin's blood +boil, had evidently occurred. And I grudged him no vexation.</p> + +<p class="normal">The air was now pure again, and I determined to go down to the +kitchen-garden in quest of information. But, while passing Uncle +Joachim's open windows, I did not hear the Canoness's voice, and could +nowhere find any trace of her. The peacock screamed so discontentedly +as I passed him that I knew he had not received his usual Sunday +dainty. But in other respects the garden was very pleasant, the beds +were full of spring flowers, and the first light-green foliage was +waving on all the branches in the delightful May air. At last I met my +old friend Liborius.</p> + +<p class="normal">He was sitting in his clean white sleeves on one of the farthest +benches, with a tattered book in his hand, and a cigar, a luxury he +allowed himself only on Sunday, between his teeth.</p> + +<p class="normal">I sat down beside him, took the volume, which was nothing worse than a +novel by Van der Velde, now forgotten, and ere ten minutes had passed I +knew everything I desired to learn. For, as the castle afforded no +other entertainment, so thorough a system of watching and listening had +been established that the family might as well have discussed their +most private affairs before the assembled servants as behind closed +doors.</p> + +<p class="normal">The long and short of the matter was that Cousin Kasimir had sued for +the hand of the Canoness; but the latter, on being informed by her +uncle of the flattering and advantageous offer, had curtly replied that +she felt neither love nor esteem for the suitor, and begged once for +all that she might hear no more about him.</p> + +<p class="normal">A terrible scene had followed, the baron had flown into an +inconceivable fury, upbraided her for her poverty, her impiety, her +defiance of his kindness and wisdom as her guardian, and who could tell +where it might have ended had not the young lady turned away with a +contemptuous shrug of the shoulders and left the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">Now even her pleasant coffee-drinking with Uncle Joachim was spoiled. +She had locked herself up in her chamber, and would not see any human +being.</p> + +<p class="normal">I heard all this--part of which I had already conjectured--with secret +triumph, bade my informant good-evening, and strolled through the park +into the open country.</p> + +<p class="normal">Never had I been so happy on any day I had spent in the castle. A small +quiet flame was burning in my breast, as if it were some pure +hearthstone, and must have shone from my eyes. At least all who met me +looked at me as if they saw me for the first time, or, rather, were +wondering what change had taken place in me. The peasants in that +neighborhood are not loquacious, but more than one stopped of his own +accord and said something about the crops, the weather, and the need of +a good harvest, in which I thought I heard the assurance that they no +longer considered me a stranger, but would confidently confess their +spiritual wants as well as their external ones.</p> + +<p class="normal">And the young grain was so beautifully green, the little fleecy clouds +in the bright sky drifted along so gayly, the countless nightingales +were already beginning their evening songs, scarcely a patch of green +was visible in the meadows among the spring flowers, the dogs lay +yawning and stretching in front of the little houses, which extended +from the village to the fir-wood, and the only person who had been like +the Satan of this beautiful spot of earth, Cousin Kasimir, had +departed, gnashing his teeth, leaving the good people to enjoy the +bright Sunday repose.</p> + +<p class="normal">When I at last approached the little wood, whose narrow border of young +birch-trees bounded the last inhabited tract, I saw a low hut whose +straw roof looked as awry and dilapidated as a moth-eaten fur cap that +has fallen over one of its wearer's ears. I knew that Mother Lieschen +lived here, but had always passed by it on my strolls. To-day some +impulse prompted me to go there.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was a miserable shelter for a human being, having but one window by +the side of the low door, and only a single room, which had not been +whitewashed for many years. A patch of ground behind it, inclosed by +a low, ruinous fence, contained a few potato-plants and two tiny +flower-beds, both still empty. A lean goat, tethered to the fence, was +grazing on a bit of turf; two pairs of stockings and a much-darned +shirt were hanging on the old palings to dry. Yet this scene of the +deepest poverty seemed to me more beautiful than Gessner's trimmest +idyl, for, on the bench before the house, by the side of the old woman, +whose thin gray hair fluttered unconfined, sat the object of my secret +worship.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The Canoness held on her lap a woman's old blue waist, which she was so +busily engaged in darning that she did not notice my approach until I +stood close before her. Mother Lieschen was half blind, and could not +see anything at a distance of more than two paces.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was greatly astonished, when Fräulein Luise looked up at me, to see +in her beautiful, calm face no trace of the emotions which had +embittered the afternoon.</p> + +<p class="normal">She greeted me in her usual simple way, but I felt that I was no longer +a disagreeable object. With a slight blush, she told me that she was +helping the old woman--whose stiff fingers could scarcely hold the +needle--with her sewing. I asked if I might join them, and took my seat +on the bottom of a wash-tub turned upside down. The kitten came out of +the hut, rubbed purring against me, and at last jumped confidingly into +my lap. Then a short conversation began, which seemed to me far more +interesting than the most profound debates at our college.</p> + +<p class="normal">I do not know what we talked about, but I can still remember that the +old dame, who spoke the purest Low German, sometimes made brief, droll +remarks, which greatly amused all three of us. She had asked Fräulein +Luise to tell her about Berlin, where, though nearly seventy, she had +never been. But the Canoness did not relate all the marvels as if she +were talking to a child, but as though she expected from Mother +Lieschen's wisdom a decisive verdict upon people and things. I rarely +mingled in the conversation between the two friends, but gazed intently +at the Canoness's beautiful bowed face and amber hair, and then at the +slender fingers that used the needle and thread so nimbly. Sometimes +the goat bleated, and the kitten arched her soft back to rub it against +my hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">At last the difficult task was finished, and Fräulein Luise rose, +pressed the old dame's shriveled fingers, pushed back from her face a +few gray hairs that had fallen over her eyes, and prepared to return +home.</p> + +<p class="normal">I asked if I might accompany her, and she silently nodded assent. +Yet at first we said nothing. I cast stolen side-glances at her. She +wore a dark summer dress, very simple in style, which, like all her +clothes--as I knew through friend Liborius--she had made herself. But +it fitted her so well. Her figure, which afterward became somewhat too +stout, was then in its most perfect symmetry.</p> + +<p class="normal">At last I said, "You are becoming a deaconess, Fräulein, after all. At +least, I am constantly meeting you engaged in some work of charity."</p> + +<p class="normal">She looked calmly at me. "I hope you don't say that in mockery, because +you do not believe in works, and think salvation is gained only by +faith. But I have never understood that. Whoever regards neighborly +love as not merely a command, but a necessity of the heart, can be +happy on earth only when he helps his fellow-man wherever he can. And +do you really believe any one can be happy in heaven who was not so on +earth?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I now launched into a long discourse upon salvation by faith, till I +perceived that she was listening absently.</p> + +<p class="normal">Suddenly she interrupted me.</p> + +<p class="normal">"No, I would not do for a deaconess. If I were to wear a special +uniform of Christian charity, I should begin to be ashamed of what is +best and dearest within me. A thing that is a matter of course ought +not to be made a profession whose sign we wear. Others, I know, think +differently. But neither could I put on the pastor's robe, if I were a +man. Yet perhaps it is necessary; people cling to appearances, and +clothes make people."</p> + +<p class="normal">She said all this interruptedly, stooping frequently to gather +flowers--which she arranged in a bouquet--from the meadows through +which we were walking.</p> + +<p class="normal">Somewhat embarrassed to defend my position, I tried to help myself with +a jest.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I would give much if I could see you stand in the pulpit in a black +robe and bands, and hear you preach. But tell me, if you had been a +man, what profession would you have chosen?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The Canoness stood still a moment, apparently gazing at a wide, radiant +prospect with a rapt expression I had never seen on her face before.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I would have been an artist, an actor, or a singer," she said, softly.</p> + +<p class="normal">"An actor?" I replied, scarcely concealing my horror.</p> + +<p class="normal">"What do you discover so terrible in that?" she asked, with a slight, +sarcastic smile. "Is it not a magnificent thing to embody the +characters of a great author, to cast noble, beautiful thoughts among +the throng of breathless listeners? But perhaps you know nothing about +it. You believe the theatre to be a sink of iniquity, like so many of +your class. I can only pity you. I have neither the desire nor the +power to convert you to a better view."</p> + +<p class="normal">"And where were you yourself converted?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, I--I, like you, was reared to loathe this so-called jugglery. But, +three years ago, I spent several months in Berlin. An old aunt, who was +very fond of me, sent for me because she was entirely alone. Uncle +Joachim took me to her. There I spent the happiest period of my life, +and there the scales fell from my eyes."</p> + +<p class="normal">"If those are your views, have you never felt tempted to become a +singer?" I inquired. "With your beautiful voice and love for music--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"No," she answered, firmly, "as a girl I should never have ventured +into that career. For the very reason that music lies so near my heart, +I should feel it a desecration to be compelled to come forward and +reveal my inmost soul to strangers, who had paid for tickets. Perhaps, +if I had true genius, it would bear me above all such scruples. And yet +the greatest singer I ever heard, Milder--have you heard Milder?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I was forced to confess I had never entered an opera-house.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Well, then, we will say no more about the matter," she replied. "You +could not understand me. But I pity you."</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet she did tell me more of her experiences in Berlin. She had heard +Milder in some of Gluck's operas and in "The Vestal," and described her +appearance, her figure, her execution; then, assuming a majestic +attitude, she herself sang several passages which had specially touched +her. Her fair face flushed crimson, and her eyes sparkled.</p> + +<p class="normal">I believe it was on that evening that she enthralled my heart forever. +Not a word was exchanged between us concerning the events of the +afternoon or of my sermon. But I was too happy to find that she gave me +her confidence so far, not to forget myself and my petty vanity.</p> + +<p class="normal">We rambled over the fields for an hour, until it grew perfectly dark, +and returned to the castle just at tea-time. The Canoness had arranged +her bouquet very gracefully and laid it beside her aunt's cup, who +patted her arm with a grateful glance. She looked past her uncle into +vacancy, without moving a muscle. The latter was in the worst possible +humor, which he even vented on Mademoiselle Suzon during the game of +chess.</p> + +<p class="normal">Soon after I went to my tower-room, Fräulein Luise began to sing below. +I listened at my open window in a perfect rapture of every sense. +Outside, the nightingales were trilling, beneath me this magnificent +voice, in which so strong, so pure, so noble a woman's soul appealed to +me--I felt as if my whole being had been encompassed with iron bands, +and in this "moonlit, magic night" one after another burst asunder, and +I could breathe freely for the first time.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">Much might be said of the days that followed. They were the happiest of +my young life. But memorable as they are still, distinctly as I can +recall all the trivial events and rapturous joys of many, I shall avoid +relating them in detail.</p> + +<p class="normal">Though a man should speak of his first and only love with the tongue of +an angel, he would find no patient listeners.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet, for truth's sake, I must here remark that I did not deceive myself +for an instant in regard to the hopelessness of my passion. But, +strangely enough, this clear perception of the heights and depths which +separated me from the woman I worshiped did not make me unhappy. Nay, +it would only have crippled the lofty flight of my feelings had I +flattered myself that this peerless, unattainable being might some day +prosaically descend from her height and become the wife of a +commonplace village pastor. True, I can not assert that this state of +mere spiritual aspiration would always have continued. If she gave me +her hand, if her dress brushed me, or my foot even touched the shoes +she had put outside her chamber-door in the evening to be cleaned, an +electric shock thrilled me, which doubtless had some other origin than +mere devotion and the worship we pay to saints.</p> + +<p class="normal">Still, it never entered my mind to imagine that I could put my arm +around her and press her lips. I believe I should have actually fallen +lifeless from ecstasy if such a thing had occurred.</p> + +<p class="normal">Externally everything remained precisely as before--our lesson-hours, +which she always attended as a duenna, our Sunday conversations in the +kitchen-garden, now and then a meeting at Mother Lieschen's. Yet I felt +more and more plainly that she trusted me and had forgiven my former +follies. My hair was now parted wholly on the left side, and no longer +combed behind my ears.</p> + +<p class="normal">Whitsuntide came in the middle of June, and Whitsuntide Tuesday was her +birthday, on which she attained her majority. The evening before, I had +composed a long poem addressed to her, no declaration of love, merely a +simple expression of gratitude for all she had done to aid my secret +regeneration. I had carefully erased every exaggerated word that had +flowed from my pen in the first fervor of writing, and substituted a +simpler and more genuine one. I was no great poet, though I had been +considered one at the college. While following the style in which +church hymns are composed, I had been able to deceive myself on this +point. Now that I desired to express my deepest personal feelings, I +perceived that God had not granted me the power "to tell what I +suffered." Yet on the whole I did not succeed badly, and it afforded me +special pleasure to accost her in my lyric flight with the "Du" (thou).</p> + +<p class="normal">Then I made a fair copy of my poem, and at midnight stole softly +down-stairs and pushed it under her door, that she might find it the +next morning.</p> + +<p class="normal">I waited with many an inward tremor and quickened throbbing of the +heart to learn how she would receive it, and was much relieved when, at +dinner, she showed me by an unusually cordial pressure of the hand that +she had not been displeased. No notice was taken in the household, save +surreptitiously, of the high holiday, for which no celebration, either +of music, illuminations, or fireworks, would have seemed to me +brilliant enough. The old baroness had crocheted a large silver-gray +shawl, which, spite of the heat, the Canoness did not lay aside all +day; Uncle Joachim wore a little bouquet in the button-hole of his gray +coat; my pupil Achatz, who had grown very well behaved, gave her a +horse which he had sketched very carefully from nature; and Fräulein +Leopoldine had placed in her room a rose-bush in full bloom. The master +of the house appeared to see no reason for making any special ado over +the day, though it must have been a marked one to him, since it +relieved him from the duties of his guardianship.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Come and drink coffee with me this afternoon," Uncle Joachim had +whispered to me as he rose from the table. I bowed silently, feeling as +if I had received a patent of nobility.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, an hour later, I went to the little summerhouse, I found the +Canoness already there. Diana, Uncle Joachim's pointer, sprang toward +me growling, as soon as I crossed the threshold of the sanctuary; but, +seeing that her master welcomed me kindly, lay down again, whining and +wagging her tail, at the feet of the young lady who, from time to time, +rubbed her smooth back with the tip of her foot.</p> + +<p class="normal">Uncle Joachim wore a short summer coat made of unbleached linen, with +yellow bone buttons, and a white cravat, and had brushed the hair over +his high forehead in a curve that gave him a holiday air. On the neatly +covered table, which had been cleared and pushed into the middle of the +room, stood a large pound-cake adorned with a wreath of roses.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You ought to brighten up Herr Weissbrod's black coat a little, Luise," +he said, with his dry, good-natured smile. "A poet likes flowers."</p> + +<p class="normal">I blushed at finding the secret of my rhymed congratulations betrayed, +and the flush grew deeper when the young lady took several beautiful +buds from the garland and fastened them in my button-hole with her own +hands. Then we three sat in the most delightful friendliness around the +table; Fräulein Luise poured the coffee from the big Bunzlau<a name="div2Ref_01" href="#div2_01">[1]</a> pot, +and cut the cake. I was amazed to see with what persistent dexterity +Uncle Joachim made the largest pieces vanish behind his sound teeth, +while I myself had lost all appetite in the delight of being near her. +Meantime a merry little conversation went on, spiced by my host's droll +remarks and Luise's musical laughter. I myself served as a target for +the old gentleman, who indulged in jests about my inward and outward +transformation, but so kindly that I could not help joining in the +laugh, without the least feeling of offense.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was ashamed of having at first set so low a value upon this man. No +one could desire a more genial companion; without the least effort he +gave an interesting turn to everything he said.</p> + +<p class="normal">When only a small portion of the cake was left, our host filled a +short, smoke-blackened pipe with French tobacco, stretched his long +limbs comfortably under the table, and began for the first time to +really thaw out. He amused himself by recalling how and where, during +the past years, he had spent his niece's birthdays. The year she was +born, he had been in France, and related all sorts of adventures he had +had there, often breaking off, however, as he approached the point, +because they were not exactly fit for a woman's ears. Then he spoke of +his other journeys, his travels in Spain, often with a heavy sigh, +because such delightful days were over. He also questioned me about my +so-called past, and, shaking his head, said, "You have missed a great +deal, Herr Weissbrod. Whoever doesn't sow his wild oats in youth, must +commit his follies later, when they are less easily forgiven. Nature +will not be mocked."</p> + +<p class="normal">Luise rose, saying that she was going to take a walk. Then she asked +for a piece of paper, in which she carefully wrapped the remains of the +cake, pressed Uncle Joachim's hand, and nodded pleasantly to me. "Wait +a bit," cried the old gentleman, in Platt Deutsch--he was very fond of +speaking it when in a good humor--"the old witch shall have a birthday +present from me too." While speaking, he took from the chest of drawers +a small snuffbox, which he had made himself out of birch-bark, and +filled it with tobacco. "Here's something for her eyes. She need only +try it. When she has used it all up, I'll give her more."</p> + +<p class="normal">I understood that these holiday presents were intended for Mother +Lieschen, and would have been only too glad to accompany the young +lady. But I did not venture to make the offer, and, after she had gone, +remained a few minutes with the old gentleman.</p> + +<p class="normal">I call him so because, at that time, when I was only twenty-three, he +really seemed to me very elderly and venerable, but he would have been +not a little offended, or else laughed heartily, had he suspected that, +while only forty-eight, I had already placed him on the catalogue of +ancients.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we were alone, he laid his large hairy hand on my shoulder.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You are still a young man, Herr Weissbrod," he said. "But when you +have half a century more on your back, even though you have used your +eyes industriously meanwhile, I doubt whether you will have met any +human being more pleasing to God than the girl whose birth we celebrate +to-day. I am glad that, judging from your poem, some idea of this is +beginning to dawn upon you. Only heed this well-meant advice--don't +scorch your wings. That's nonsense."</p> + +<p class="normal">I stammered something that sounded like an assurance that I was far +from intending such presumption.</p> + +<p class="normal">"That's right, my son," he said, kindly. "Follies, as I declared, are +good things in their way. But we mustn't lose hide and hair in +committing them, like the bear who put his head into the honey-tree and +couldn't pull it out again. Good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. Don't take +offense because I don't go to hear your sermons. My old heathen, the +rheumatism, can't bear the air of the church."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">How often I afterward recalled the worthy man's words, and could not +help sighing mournfully and saying, with a shake of the head, "Good +advice is cheap. You were her uncle, dear friend, and, besides, had had +your due share of 'follies' in the past, while I, poor student of +theology, had yet to learn the first rudiments of passion.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Then you did not consider the unreasonable number of nightingales in +the park, which were fairly in league against me; and, what was still +more, the voice below, Gluck's 'Armida,' Spontini's 'Vestal,' and all +the divine spells of golden hair and brown eyes."</p> + +<p class="normal">But I am lapsing into Wertherism again. At least, I will commit no more +follies now, but continue my narrative like an honest chronicler.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">We are writing of August 26th. It was a fruitful year, and the harvest +had almost all been garnered. But the heat daily increased, and we +obtained no relief until after sunset. I had gone in the sweat of my +brow to the next village, which belonged to our parish, on an errand of +duty: to aid a sick tailor who desired spiritual consolation--no easy +task. The old sinner, in his terror and despair, had been reading +certain tracts and taken specially to heart the doctrine of the endless +punishments of hell, probably because he was aware that he had made a +sinful use of his tailor's hell<a name="div2Ref_02" href="#div2_02">[2]</a> here below.</p> + +<p class="normal">I did my best to calm him, and, as I had the reputation among my +parishioners of being an enlightened and not fanatical preacher, +succeeded in partially soothing him and inspiring his soul with some +degree of trust in God's mercy.</p> + +<p class="normal">As I returned through our own village in the gathering dusk of +twilight, I saw a little group of children standing in front of the +tavern, staring at two dusty, shabby carriages. The first was an +ordinary, four-seated calash, with a torn leather covering, and a +broken spring under the box, temporarily mended with ropes. The second +vehicle was a large, windowless box on a rough platform, such as is +commonly used for a furniture-van. Of the people traveling in this +extraordinary equipage I saw only two persons, who were sitting on the +little bench beside the tavern-door, a bold-eyed, pale-faced young +fellow, not more than twenty, who, with his straw hat trimmed with a +dirty blue ribbon, pushed far back on his head, and his hands thrust +into his pockets, was saying to his companion, amid frequent yawns, all +sorts of things I could not understand. He had a bottle of beer beside +him, from which he occasionally filled a glass, held it up to the +light, and then emptied it at one draught.</p> + +<p class="normal">The girl by his side was probably sixteen or eighteen years old. Her +appearance was disagreeable to me at the first glance, though no one +could have helped owning that her prettiness was more than the mere +beauty of youth. But the bold way in which she turned up her little +nose, the scornful looks she cast at the villagers, and especially the +soulless laugh with which she greeted her companion's jests, were +thoroughly repulsive to me.</p> + +<p class="normal">Her dress was as shabby as the vehicle in which she had arrived. But +she had fastened a huge red bow into her black hair, and fancied +herself sufficiently adorned in comparison to the barefooted children. +Her little dirty hand held a few flowers, which she continually bit +with her sharp white teeth, and then spat the leaves out of her mouth +again.</p> + +<p class="normal">The landlady, who came forward when she saw me stop before the house, +told me that they were actors. There was a married couple, too, but +they were in their room. The manager had gone up to the castle to speak +to the baron.</p> + +<p class="normal">I don't know why the sight of the poor traveling players was so +repulsive to me. One might almost believe in some prophetic gift of the +soul, for I had long been cured of my aversion to actors by Fräulein +Luise's opinion of them.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I did not linger long, but briefly reported to my old pastor how I +had found his parishioner in the village--we were now one in heart and +soul, including the pastor's wife--and then walked rapidly to the +castle. As I turned from the elm avenue into the court-yard, I +instantly perceived that something unusual was occurring. A groom was +leading up and down a saddled horse, which I recognized from the +silver-mounted bridle as Cousin Kasimir's. During the months that had +passed since the latter's rejection, he had only come to the castle +when he had some business matter to settle with the baron, and never +remained to dine or to spend the evening. Yet this surely could not be +the cause of the general excitement. Almost all the servants were +standing, whispering together, near the staircase, on whose upper step +the baron's valet and the cook--the two most zealous gatherers and +diffusers of everything that happened in the household--had stationed +themselves like two sentinels. They were so thoroughly absorbed in +their office of listening, that they did not even move as I passed. +True, this task was certainly made very easy for them.</p> + +<p class="normal">Voices were ringing through the spacious entrance-hall in tones so loud +and excited that every word could be distinctly heard outside of the +lofty doors. Within I saw the master of the house, his face deeply +flushed, and beside him Cousin Kasimir, with his hat on one side of his +head and in his hand a riding-whip with which he beat time to his +uncle's words; behind the glass door appeared the faces of the two +children and Mademoiselle Suzon, pressed closely against one another, +while opposite to the baron stood a handsome, finely formed man, the +cause and center of the whole scene, whom I had no difficulty in +recognizing as the manager of the company of actors.</p> + +<p class="normal">He was showily dressed in a blue coat with gilt buttons, black +trousers, red velvet vest, and light cravat. Yet, this somewhat +variegated attire was by no means unbecoming to him, since it made his +symmetrical and not over-corpulent figure more conspicuous. His head +was gracefully poised on his broad shoulders; but at first I only saw +the lustrous black locks that fell rather low on his neck, then, as he +turned his face, the finely cut profile and light-gray eyes, whose +expression was both honest and self-conscious. He held in his left hand +a pair of yellow gloves and a black hat, while he gesticulated eagerly +with his right, making a red stone in his large seal ring glitter.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Only one night, only this one night, Herr Baron," I heard him say in a +resonant, somewhat theatrical voice, which, however, had a certain +cadence that touched the heart. "If I must give up proving to you and +your honored family, by a recitation, that you are not dealing with an +ordinary strolling company, but with an artist by the grace of God--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"I forbid you to utter the name of God uselessly," the baron vehemently +interrupted. "The calling you pursue has nothing in common with God or +divine things. We know what spirit rules those who devote themselves to +your profession. And, in short, I shall not change what I have said."</p> + +<p class="normal">"I will not discuss the matter further, Herr Baron," replied the actor +with quiet dignity. "But consider, there is a sick woman in my company, +who has been made much worse by the journey here over the rough roads. +If she is permitted to rest this one night, we shall continue our way +to-morrow with lighter hearts. Therefore I most earnestly beseech--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"You have nothing to beseech; I have expressed my will," cried the +baron furiously, passing his hand through his beard, which with him was +always a sign of extreme anger. "I have told you that the control of +the police regulations in the district intrusted to my care is in my +hands, and that I could not reconcile it to my conscience if to-morrow, +on the Lord's day, a few paces from the house in which his word is +preached, one might meet a company of strolling players, whose +depravity is stamped upon their brows. You will therefore return to +your people at once, and see that they are ordered outside the limits +of the village within an hour."</p> + +<p class="normal">These words were accompanied with such an unequivocal gesture toward +the door that I believed the final decision had been uttered. But the +actor stood motionless, save that he turned his head toward the side +where the stairs led to the upper story, and, as my glance followed +his, I saw what had silenced him, though I did not instantly perceive +the true cause. In the dusk above us, on the central landing, stood the +tall, slender figure of the Canoness.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">All eyes were involuntarily fixed upon her where she leaned, as though +turned to stone, against the railing. She had grown deadly pale; life +seemed to linger only in her eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Fräulein," I heard the stranger exclaim in a tone of the most joyful +surprise, "you appear before me like an angel of deliverance. Can you +refuse to say a word in my behalf? Consider that the point in question +is not so much my sorely insulted dignity as an artist, as a simple +duty of benevolence. Through a mistake, in taking what I supposed to be +a short cut, I came here. For two years I have had the privilege of +giving performances in the cities of Pomerania and the Mark, and, after +spending several weeks in L----, I intended to go to R----, where I +meant to practice my art during the last months of summer. I should +probably have reached the railway-station to-day, had not the lady who +plays the old woman's parts in my company been taken violently ill. And +now the Herr Baron, as you have heard, wants to turn us out of his +territory as though we were a band of gypsies. You, who know me, +Fräulein, will not hesitate to be my security; you will explain to the +baron--"</p> + +<p class="normal">The nobleman did not let him finish.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you dare, sir!" he shrieked (his voice sounded like the creaking of +a weathercock in a storm), "do you presume to appeal to my own niece +for support? Do you wish to shake the foundations of the authority on +which the life of every Christian family is founded? Such unprecedented +insolence--"</p> + +<p class="normal">His voice suddenly failed, he tore open his coat to get more air, and +his hand groped around as though seeking some weapon to expel the +intruder by force.</p> + +<p class="normal">Just at that instant we heard from the staircase the firm voice of the +Canoness, only it sounded somewhat deeper than usual.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Consider what you are doing, uncle. It would ill beseem the honor of +this house to turn from its threshold a suppliant who asks of you +nothing save what Christian love and God's command alike enjoin upon +you as a duty. I know this gentleman. I know him to be an admirable +artist, and a man of unsullied honor. To refuse him admittance to your +house is your own affair, but to deny him permission to rest for a +night in the village below, especially when a human life is perhaps at +stake, is an act you can not justify before God or man."</p> + +<p class="normal">A deathlike silence followed these words. No sound was heard in the +spacious hall save the gasping breath of the baron, who was vainly +striving to speak. Then the actor's fine baritone, in which there now +seemed to me a slight tone of affectation, echoed on the stillness.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I thank you, most honored lady, thank you from my heart, for bestowing +your sympathy upon a misunderstood disciple of Thalia. True, I expected +nothing else from your noble soul. Will you now fill up the measure of +your goodness by explaining to your uncle--"</p> + +<p class="normal">A sharp cracking sound interrupted him. Cousin Kasimir, who during the +whole scene had been casting furious glances around him and only +waiting for a moment when he might interfere, struck his riding-whip +violently against the top of his high boot and advanced a step.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Silence!" he shouted, his mustache quivering with excitement. "You +have heard that you have nothing more to ask or expect here, and if you +carry your insolence so far as to throw upon a member of this family +the suspicion of standing in any relation whatever to the head of a +band of jugglers, the baron, whose patience amazes me, will have you +driven out of his grounds by the field-guard. Do you understand, sir? +And, now, without further ceremony--"</p> + +<p class="normal">He advanced another step toward him and, with a threatening gesture, +raised the hand that held the whip. But the actor did not cease playing +his <i>rôle</i> of hero for an instant.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Who are you, sir?" he exclaimed, without yielding an inch, "that you +dare to assume a tone whose ill-breeding befits no cultured man. You +seem to be abandoned by all the Muses and Graces, and I pity you. It +can hardly surprise me that a country nobleman has never heard the name +of Konstantin Spielberg. But in any other place I would call you to +account for speaking of my company of artists, which has been honored +by the concession of a distinguished government, as a band of jugglers. +In this house, and out of respect for the ladies present, I can only +say that I include you among the profane <i>vulgus</i> whose opinion I +despise."</p> + +<p class="normal">He raised his right arm with an impressive gesture, as though hurling +an anathema against some worthless heretic or insulter of majesty, and +at the same time, with expanded chest and locks tossed back, fearlessly +confronted his foe. Then something happened which drew from me a low +exclamation of terror. The riding-whip whizzed through the air and +struck the uplifted hand of the artist, who staggered back, speechless +with pain and rage.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Scoundrel!" cried the nobleman's sharp voice, "dare--dare you tell me +to my face--"</p> + +<p class="normal">But he could say no more. The Canoness, whose approach had been +unnoticed, suddenly stood between the furious men with her tall figure +drawn up to its full height.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Back!" she said imperiously to the young nobleman. It was only one +word, but uttered in a tone that must have pierced to the very marrow +of his bones, for I saw him turn as white as chalk, stammer a few +unmeaning words, and draw his head between his shoulders. But, without +vouchsafing him even a glance, she went up to the ill-treated stranger, +seized the hand hanging loosely down, on which a deep-red mark was +visible, and stooping, pressed a hasty kiss upon it.</p> + +<p class="normal">Then in a loud voice, trembling with secret emotion, she said: "Forgive +this poor creature, he does not know what he is doing. And now shake +off the dust of this house from your shoes. You will hear from me +again."</p> + +<p class="normal">Once more a deathlike stillness pervaded the hall. But it lasted only a +few minutes. Then we heard the actor say: "I shall be your debtor to my +dying day, most gracious lady."</p> + +<p class="normal">The next instant he turned toward the door, passed me with haughty, +echoing strides, and went out upon the steps.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">Spite of my terrible excitement, I retained sufficient deliberation to +look keenly at him. For the first time I saw his full face, whose +remarkable regularity of feature and a certain dreamy luster in the eye +aroused my astonishment. Nevertheless, he did not attract me. I thought +I detected in his expression, instead of manly indignation, a trace of +satisfied vanity, Such as may be seen in an actor who has just made an +effective exit and, while the curtain is falling, tells himself that he +is an admirable fellow. I could not help thinking involuntarily how +different would be my feelings if such a girl had done <i>that</i> for me, +how humbly, enraptured by such divine favor, my heart would shine from +my eyes. And he seemed to be merely reflecting how brilliantly he had +retired from the stage, not at all how he had left his fellow actor +upon it.</p> + +<p class="normal">I gazed anxiously at the heroine of this improvised drama. She was +standing motionless, her eyes fixed with a look full of earnestness and +dignity upon the door through which the man whom she had protected had +disappeared. Her face looked as though chiseled from marble, her hands +hung by her side, and ever and anon a slight tremor ran through her +frame.</p> + +<p class="normal">The master of the house also stood as if he were turned to stone. Not +until Cousin Kasimir went up and whispered something to him did any +semblance of life return. He drew a long breath, then, without moving +from the spot, said: "Go to your room, Luise, and wait there for what +more I have to say. Until then I leave you to your own conscience."</p> + +<p class="normal">He turned quickly away and walked, followed by Cousin Kasimir, +through the glass door, which he banged noisily behind him, into the +dining-room, whither the three watching faces had shrunk, startled, +from the panes.</p> + +<p class="normal">Luise still stood lost in thought, showing no sign that she had heard +the imperious words. But, just as I was about to approach her and +assert my modest claim of friendship, she seemed to suddenly awake, but +without taking any notice of me. I heard her say to herself: "It is +well! Now it is decided!" Then she quietly pressed her hand on her +heart as if she felt a pang there, nodded thoughtfully twice, and +walked slowly up the steps of the great staircase, while I looked after +her in gloomy helplessness.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">As soon as I found myself again alone and recalled all the events I had +just witnessed, I felt, with a certain sense of shame for the pettiness +of my nature, that fierce jealousy was consuming every other emotion. +So she had known and honored this man in former days. She had even +placed him on so high a pedestal in her thoughts that the proud +woman--before whom, in my opinion, the best and noblest must bow and +hold themselves richly compensated by one kind look for every annoyance +they encountered--did not for an instant consider herself too good to +kiss his hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">And he had received this homage as if it were his due, and thanked her +with a cold, high-sounding speech.</p> + +<p class="normal">What was he that she should consider him so far above her. For, after +all, the insult offered him here was not so atrocious that it could +only be atoned by the humiliation of such an angel in woman's garb. Had +he not been already dear to her, she would probably have left him to +obtain satisfaction for himself.</p> + +<p class="normal">She had made his acquaintance during her visit to Berlin, that was +evident, on the stage, of course, and probably elsewhere also; or how +could he have greeted her as an acquaintance? Yet she had never +mentioned his name to me, as she had spoken of the worshiped songstress +Milder. What had passed between them? And what kind of afterpiece might +yet follow the scene of today?</p> + +<p class="normal">I could not help thinking constantly of his handsome yet unpleasant +face, and asking myself what attraction she could find in it. I felt a +most unchristian hatred rising in my heart toward this man, who had +certainly not done me the slightest harm--nay, with whose whole +deportment I could find no fault save the somewhat theatrical air +inseparable from his profession. Yet, had I possessed the power to make +the earth by some magic spell suddenly swallow up the whole innocent +"band of jugglers," like Korah and his company, I believe I should not +have hesitated a moment.</p> + +<p class="normal">Since this was impossible, I resolved to try to obtain some explanation +of this disaster which, as the principal person shut herself up from +me, I could only hope to do through Uncle Joachim. Unhappily I found +his cell closed--he had ridden across the country on some business +connected with the sale of a peat-digging. I wandered in the deepest +ill-humor through the park. At last it occurred to me that Mother +Lieschen, with whom the Canoness was in the habit of talking about so +many things, might be familiar with this accursed Berlin story, and I +turned into the path leading to her lonely hut.</p> + +<p class="normal">But just as I caught a glimpse of the straw roof I perceived that I was +too late. The old dame was just coming out of the door, and by her side +walked Fräulein Luise herself, whom I had supposed imprisoned in her +tower-room. They were talking eagerly together, Mother Lieschen had +tied her kerchief over her head and seemed about to set out for a walk, +for she took from the bench the staff with which she supported her +steps, and held out her hand to the young lady. Then they parted, and, +while the old dame hobbled along the edge of the wood, which was the +shortest way to the village, Fräulein Luise came directly toward me to +return to the castle.</p> + +<p class="normal">She did not see me until within the distance of twenty paces, then she +stopped a moment, but without the slightest change of expression. No +one, who did not know what had happened an hour before, could have +suspected it from her face.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Good-evening, Herr Johannes," she said in her calmest voice (she had +called me so for some time because the "Candidate" seemed too formal, +and she thought the name of Weissbrod ugly), "I am glad to see you. I +have a favor to ask."</p> + +<p class="normal">I bowed silently. My heart was too full not to pour forth all its +feelings if a single word overflowed, which I did not think seemly.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Our old pastor will preach again to-morrow," she continued, walking +quietly on by my side. "You might do me a real favor if, after the +close of the service, you would give a beautiful long organ concert in +your very best style, like the first one we heard from you. I have a +reason for making the request, which I can not tell you to-day. Will +you do me this service, dear Herr Johannes?"</p> + +<p class="normal">Dear Herr Johannes! It was the first time she ever gave me that title. +No matter how many unutterable things I had cherished in my heart +against her, such an address would have won me to render the hardest +service.</p> + +<p class="normal">"How can you doubt it!" I answered quickly. "I understand only too well +that you need the consoling power of music. Oh, Fräulein Luise, when I +think how it affected me, a mere silent spectator, and how you must +feel--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"No," she interrupted, "it is not as you suppose, but no matter; it is +important to me for you to play both very well and very long. I will +thank you for it in advance--" she gave me her hand, but without pausing +in her walk--"and also for every other kindness you have showed me in +your earnest, faithful way. Promise that you will always remain the +same, and never, even in thought, agree with other people's silly +gossip about me."</p> + +<p class="normal">I silently pressed her hand. A hundred questions were on my tongue, but +I could not summon courage to ask even one. She, too, sank into a +silence as unbroken as though she had forgotten that she had a +companion.</p> + +<p class="normal">So, when we reached the elm avenue, we parted with a brief +good-evening. The Canoness turned toward the farm-buildings, and I went +to my room.</p> + +<p class="normal">Fräulein Luise did not appear in the dining-room at tea-time. Cousin +Kasimir had ridden off long before, and a strange, oppressive +atmosphere of irritation brooded over the rest of the party. I had +already heard that the baron had had a long, violent conversation with +the Canoness in her own room, but, contrary to the custom of the house, +whose walls had a thousand ears, nothing was known of its purport. The +baron's eyes were blood-shot and the lid of the left one twitched +nervously. He had invited the steward to tea and talked to him with +forced gayety about agricultural affairs. The old baroness gazed into +her plate with an even more sorrowful and timid expression than usual, +the children frolicked with each other, Fräulein Leopoldine endeavored +to put on an arrogant air, while Achatz chattered to her with boyish +impetuosity. Mademoiselle Suzon alone seemed to be in good humor, and +ate a large quantity of bread and butter, while making tireless efforts +to maintain a conversation with me, which I with equal persistency +continually dropped.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">When I at last went up to my tower-chamber and saw Fräulein Luise's +well-shaped, though not unusually small, shoes standing outside of her +room, I was obliged to put the strongest constraint upon myself to +avoid knocking at the door and begging the alms of a few soothing +words. It would have been very indecorous and worse--utterly useless. +So, with a sigh, I renounced the wish, and resolved to speak to her so +touchingly through my church-music on the morrow that the closed door +must at last open of its own accord.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had never passed so sleepless a night, and on the next morning felt +so wearied that I feared the keys of the organ would refuse to obey me. +But the old pastor's sermon strengthened me wonderfully, and his words +fell like, soothing oil upon the burning wounds in my heart. Now, I +thought, she is sitting beneath you with her old friend, the comfort of +God's word is coming to her also, and the balm of music must do what +more is needed to make her soul bright and joyous again.</p> + +<p class="normal">I began to play the best melodies I knew, and I believe that never in +my life have I had a higher and more sacred musical inspiration. So +completely did I forget myself in it, that I started in alarm when the +schoolmaster at last touched me lightly on the shoulder, and whispered +that I had been playing a full hour, and, exquisite as was the +performance, the dignitaries below were showing signs of impatience, +and the congregation wanted to go home.</p> + +<p class="normal">As if roused from some dream of Paradise, I broke off with a brief +passage and hurried down the stairs. My eyes searched the ranks of +church-goers thronging out of the edifice. I saw Mother Lieschen, but +she was standing quite alone in her dark corner, and I could nowhere +find the face I sought.</p> + +<p class="normal">Perhaps she had shunned the gloomy church and preferred to remain +outside in the graveyard, now fragrant with monthly roses and +mignonette, hearing my music through the half-open door. At any rate I +should see her at dinner.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we assembled in the dining-room and she was even later than usual, +I heard the baron say, turning to his wife: "She grows worse and worse +every day; this irregularity must be stopped--" and my heart beat so +violently that it seemed as though it would leap into my mouth. I asked +Uncle Joachim, under my breath, how the young lady was, and whether she +would not come to dinner. He shrugged his shoulders without moving a +muscle, yet I saw that even his appetite had deserted him.</p> + +<p class="normal">Just as the roast was served, and the baron was preparing to carve it, +one of the footmen handed him a note on a silver salver. It had just +been left by old Mother Lieschen.</p> + +<p class="normal">The knife and fork dropped from his hands, he hastily seized the +missive, glanced rapidly over it, and I saw him turn pale as he read. +Then with an effort he controlled himself and rose.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Harness the horses into the hunting-carriage," he shouted, "and saddle +the chestnut instantly! Ha! This was all that was lacking! This caps +the climax. But the lunatic shall learn with whom she has to deal! Dead +or alive--even if Satan himself, to whom she has sold her soul, tried +to protect her from me--she shall not drag the name she bears through +the mire; she shall--"</p> + +<p class="normal">He could say no more--it seemed as if some convulsion in the chest +choked his utterance, and, with a terrible groan, he sank back into his +chair.</p> + +<p class="normal">The children started up; Mademoiselle Suzon hastily dipped her +handkerchief into a glass of water to sprinkle the nobleman's brow; the +old baroness rose as fast as her feeble limbs would permit, and in +mortal terror approached her husband to feel his hands and head. The +servants hurried out to execute his orders.</p> + +<p class="normal">Just at this moment a voice was heard which never before had spoken in +loud tones in that hall.</p> + +<p class="normal">Uncle Joachim had risen, but remained standing at his place. His face +wore a sorrowful, yet bold and threatening expression.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Brother Achatz," he said, "I must beg you to moderate your words and +undertake nothing that will make the matter worse, and which you would +perhaps afterward repent. Do not forget that Luise is of age and +mistress of her own actions. I regret what she has done as much as you +do. But what has happened can not be altered."</p> + +<p class="normal">The baron started up as if he had been stung by a serpent, angrily +shaking off all the hands outstretched to help him. Wrath at the +interference of his brother, who had hitherto had only a seat and no +voice at this table, seemed to have suddenly restored all his haughty +strength.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You have the effrontery to still plead for her?" he shouted with +flashing eyes. "You even knew her intention, and not only concealed it +but helped her forget all modesty and honor and go out into the wide +world like a wanton?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"I forbid any imputations upon my honor, Achatz!" replied the other, +meeting his brother's wrathful glance with cold contempt. "I have not +seen Luise since yesterday noon. Just before dinner to-day I received a +farewell letter from her, in which she informs me that she can no +longer endure to live in this house, and will seek her happiness at her +own peril. The other reasons she adds in justification of her step +concern no one save myself."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Then she did not tell you that she has determined to follow a certain +Herr Spielberg, a strolling actor, and, if he will graciously consent, +to become his wife? The wife of an adventurer who pursues a godless +calling, and whom I ought to have had hunted out of the court-yard by +the dogs, instead of giving him any hearing at all!"</p> + +<p class="normal">"She told me that also, Brother Achatz, and it sincerely grieves me; +for, though I believe this gentleman to be a reputable artist, I doubt +whether she will ever become at home and happy in this sphere. But from +what we know of her she will carry out her purpose, and if you should +now institute a pursuit it will only cause a tremendous scandal and +gain nothing; the family honor will be far more sullied than if we keep +quiet and let the grass grow over the affair. That matters have gone so +far, Brother Achatz, some one else will have to answer for at the Day +of Judgment."</p> + +<p class="normal">The two men measured each other with a look of most unfraternal hatred. +The old baroness gazed up at her husband with a pleading quiver of her +withered lips, whose words were not audible to me. But he hastily shook +himself free, as she laid a hand on his arm, and advanced a step toward +his brother.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you mean to say," he asked, grinding his teeth, "that I am to blame +because this mangy sheep has strayed from our fold and is devoured by +the wolf? True, she has always rebelled against the strict rule of +obedience, against both human and divine law. But, if any one in this +house has helped to strengthen her in her obstinacy and arrogance, it +is you, you, and no one else. Can you deny it?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"I am not disposed to allow myself to be examined like a criminal," +replied Joachim with sarcastic coolness. "If I were malicious, I would +let you say the most senseless things in your helpless rage. But, as we +bear the same name and I pity your blindness, Brother Achatz, and +moreover we are not alone, so that I might tell you my whole opinion to +your face, I will simply warn you. If you use violence and drag the +matter before the courts, you may hear things far more damaging to the +honor of our family than the news that the Canoness Luise has followed +a strolling actor and made an unequal marriage by wedding him. I have +nothing more to say. May the meal do you all good!"</p> + +<p class="normal">He bowed to his sister-in-law, walked quietly to the antlers on which +he had hung his hat, and left the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">His last words had a magical effect upon the baron, who bowed his head +on his breast and stood for a time as if lost in thought. Not until the +servant entered and announced that the carriage was ready and the horse +saddled did he rouse himself, and, with an imperious gesture that +indicated they were no longer wanted, he walked without a glance at any +one, with slow, heavy steps, to his room.</p> + +<p class="normal">The roast meat, which meantime had grown cold, was left untouched on +the table. The mistress of the house, after remaining for a time lost +in sorrowful thought, followed her husband; the children, completely +puzzled, had withdrawn into a window-niche. When the Frenchwoman, with +a disagreeable smile intended to be amiable, addressed a remark to me +containing the words <i>horreur</i> and <i>déplorable</i>, I made a very +uncourteous gesture, as though brushing off a buzzing hornet, and +hurried into the park after Uncle Joachim.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I found him where I sought him, but his surroundings looked very +different from usual on the cozy Sunday afternoons.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nothing was in order in the room, which had never seemed to me so +shabby and unhomelike; the fly-specks had not been washed from the +glass over the engravings, and the coffee-service was not on the table. +Diana was lying in the middle of the unmade bed, and only lifted her +head from her fore-paws to yawn at me. Her master, who usually dressed +himself very carefully for this coffee-hour, was pacing up and down +with folded arms, in his shirtsleeves, and slippers down at the heel, +smoking his short pipe as fiercely as if he meant, in defiance of the +sunshine streaming through the little window, to intrench himself +behind an impenetrable cloud.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Pardon me if I disturb you," I said, as he stopped and glared angrily +at me as though I were a total stranger; "but I can not bear to stay +alone with my own thoughts among people who either make scornful +comments on the misfortune in private or openly exult over it. And +altogether--I can't yet believe it. Tell me honestly, Herr Baron; do +<i>you</i> believe it? Do <i>you</i> understand it?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Nonsense!" he growled. "Believe what? 'Long hair and short +wits'--that's all we need know to marvel at nothing one of <i>that</i> sex +does, even if she were the best of them all. Have you come, too, to +fill my ears with lamentations? I have enough to do to swallow my own +bile."</p> + +<p class="normal">He began to puff out the smoke again, and resumed his walk as if he had +said enough to induce me to beat a discreet retreat.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I did not stir.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, Herr Baron, don't send me away without any comfort, any +explanation. You know more about the matter than any other person; you +said you had known this--this Herr Spielberg. Do you really believe +that she has followed him, that--that she has not merely suggested the +horrible idea of becoming his wife as a threat, an alarm-shot, but will +seriously persist in it?"</p> + +<p class="normal">Again he stopped, then with grim earnestness said: "Do you not yet know +her well enough to be aware that she never jests about serious matters, +and that, when she has once made up her mind, a legion of angels or +fiends could not divert her from her purpose. I've seen it coming a +long time, not exactly this, for no sensible person could imagine such +a folly, but some dangerous escapade, merely to escape from this +oppressive, poisonous atmosphere into the free air, and, had it not +been for her aunt, the martyr, who must now endure to the end, she +would have gone away as soon as she became of age, at least to her +chapter, where, it is true, she would have found all sorts of hypocrisy +that did not suit her, but at any rate she could have planned her life +according to her own inclination. She only remained for the sake of her +aunt, and to be able to occasionally lay a bunch of flowers beside the +old baroness's plate. Now that scoundrel Kasimir has severed with his +riding-whip the tie that bound her here, as if it were a cobweb, she +has dropped everything as if she were called upon to answer for the +honor of the whole family, and questioned only the bewildered heart and +obstinate conscience which persuaded her that this folly was a noble +sacrifice. I could tear my hair out by the roots because I was not +present, and heard nothing about the matter until early this morning, +when Liborius told me that so and so had occurred yesterday, and that +he saw the young lady set off gayly on her walk at dawn this morning +but thought nothing of it. She appeared just the same as she usually +did when walking, and he would never have dreamed of her committing so +extraordinary an act. But <i>I</i> should have noticed something and opposed +it with might and main. <i>Nom d'un nom!</i>"--this was the French oath he +used when excessively angry--"I believe, if I could not have conquered +her obstinacy, I would have gone with her and twisted the neck of the +man into whose arms she wanted to throw herself, ere I would have +allowed him to rob me of my darling and drag her into misery."</p> + +<p class="normal">He again smoked furiously. Diana sprang howling from the bed and ran up +to him, but was banished into a corner by a kick.</p> + +<p class="normal">"But how can you explain her taking refuge with this stranger, +confiding to him her person, her honor, her whole life, merely because +he was treated here in her presence as a vagabond? So proud as she +always was, so pure, and so well aware of what she ought and must do in +order not to blush for herself?"</p> + +<p class="normal">Uncle Joachim gave me a side-glance from his half-shut eyes. "Herr +Weissbrod," he said, "you are an honest fellow, and you revered my +niece as if she were a saint. I can tell you how all this agrees. As a +future pastor, you must know what is to be expected of women, the best +of whom are often the most perplexing. You see, three years ago, this +Spiegelberg, or Spielberg, as he now calls himself, had the insolence +to write her a letter, which she did not answer. But a girl like her +does not willingly remain in debt for anything. What she has done now +is the reply to that old letter."</p> + +<p class="normal">I stared at him with dilated eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes," he continued, "what <i>is</i> to be, <i>will</i> be. I thought then the +matter was ended once for all, but the proof of the pudding is in the +eating! That devil of a fellow, with his dove-like eyes, was more +cunning than I. At that time he was living in Berlin, at the same hotel +where I had gone with Luise, a respectable second-rate house in +Mohrenstrasse, for our means did not allow us to go to the Hôtel du +Nord or Meinhardt's. She noticed the black-haired gentleman who sat +opposite to us at the table, and talked so well, and he did not seem a +bad fellow to me either. I inquired who he was. An actor, I was told, +who played at the Royal Theatre. 'We must go there once, uncle,' she +said, 'as a matter of courtesy,' and I was weak enough not to say no. +What could I ever refuse her? Especially with her love for the stage. +So we saw him act, and he did not play his part badly; and, as the +women were crazy over him, he had a great success. I have forgotten the +play, I never had much fancy for the theatre; everything always seemed +to me bombastic and exaggerated, and the most touching passages moved +me less than when my Diana gets a thorn into her paw and whines. But he +seemed to please Luise greatly. So I was obliged to go with her three +or four times, when Herr Constantin Spielberg's name was on the bills. +Well, no great misfortune could have come from that. The worst of it +was that Luise caught fire from the flashing sparks he scattered around +him when he stood on the stage in his romantic costumes and assumed the +most melting tones of love. 'Luise,' I said, jestingly, 'you must not +forget that Herr Spielberg did not compose the works of Schiller or +Goethe, but simply acts them. Still, he did not need to declame; when +he was merely sitting at the hotel table, talking about the weather, +she listened as though he was expounding the gospel. And there was +something in his voice that might well turn a young girl's head--she +was twenty-one, but she had never been in love--and even when he was +not behind the footlights he could look as honest and innocent as a +pastor's son or you yourself, Sir Tutor.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Besides, everybody in the hotel liked him, and no one had anything to +say against him. It was reported that he supported an old blind mother, +etc. But, knowing Luise as I did, the longer this state of things +lasted the less I was pleased, and I gently began to speak of +departure, of course without making any allusion to my own private +reason. Well, to cut the story short, one morning my niece came +to me with a letter in her hand: 'Just think, uncle, what I have +received'--and gave it to me to read. We had no secrets from each +other. It was a declaration of love from our opposite neighbor in due +form--that is, in the Schiller and Goethe style, only not in verse, +closing with a simple honorable offer of marriage. <i>Nom d'un nom!</i> This +was too much for me. I allowed her the choice whether I should give the +bold fellow a verbal answer, such as his insolence deserved, or we +should set off <i>stante pede</i>, without bidding him farewell.</p> + +<p class="normal">"After some consideration she decided in favor of the latter. But when +we were on our way she said, 'Uncle, I was too hasty. He will always +think me an arrogant fool. I ought to have answered him myself.' 'And +what would you have said?' 'That I felt honored by his proposal, but +was under the guardianship of my uncle, who would never consent to this +alliance.' 'The deuce!' I cried; 'that would have been almost the same +thing as a declaration of love.' 'What then?' she asked, quietly. 'Is +there anything degrading in loving a noble man, merely because he +belongs to a class against which people in our circle are unjustly +prejudiced?' 'Well, this beats the Old Nick!' I thought, but did not +say one word, for I knew that fire is only fanned by blowing upon it, +and thought, 'It will die away into ashes when it has no food.' Now you +see what a confoundedly clever prophet I was."</p> + +<p class="normal">During Uncle Joachim's story, I had sat in the chair Fräulein Luise +usually occupied, and patiently endured everything like a person who is +crossing the fields in a pouring rain without an umbrella, and feels +that he is drenched to the skin and can be no worse off. Every spark of +hope had vanished; I knew that she would never turn back from the path +she had entered; and, even if it were possible, she would be too proud +to desire to do so. But man is so constituted that, though I foresaw +all the misery of the future, for I did not trust the handsome face of +the man to whom she had fled, and I knew by this step she had forfeited +her right to be received into her chapter in case of need, in short, +though I saw nothing in prospect for her save trouble and grief--the +bitterest thing of all to me was to find my own dreams and wishes, +which hitherto I had never acknowledged to myself, shattered at one +blow. The most frantic jealousy of the happy man, who had won the bride +forever unattainable to me, burned in my miserable soul, now suddenly +bankrupt; and, when it flashed upon my mind that I had even been her +accomplice by deferring the discovery of her flight as long as possible +through my organ-music, I felt so utterly wretched that I suddenly +burst into Boyish sobbing, in which offended vanity, wounded love, and +grief for the uncertain fate of the woman so dear to me, bore an equal +share.</p> + +<p class="normal">Just at that moment I felt Uncle Joachim's hand press heavily on my +shoulder.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Hold up your head and don't flinch, my friend," he said, in a voice +that was by no means firm. "We can't change the matter now, so we must +let it go. But we must always repeat to ourselves one thing: whatever +folly a woman like her may commit, she will not allow herself to +succumb to it. She may lose the right scent once, like Diana, but +she'll find it again--I feel no anxiety on that score. The only people +who will surfer and can get no amends are ourselves--or rather, I mean, +my own insignificant self. You are a young man, still have life before +you, and--which I can't say of myself--are a devout Christian. But an +old fellow like me, who is robbed of his only plaything--deuce take it! +It will be a dog's life!"</p> + +<p class="normal">He had put on his coat and now whistled to Diana. "Excuse me, Herr +Candidate, I have some business to attend to. Stay quietly here till +your eyes are dry. I'm disgusted with the old barrack, since we can +expect no more pound-cake here."</p> + +<p class="normal">He went out, carrying his gun upside down and followed by Diana, whose +ears drooped mournfully, as if she shared her master's mood.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2>II.</h2> +<br> + +<p class="normal">There is not much to be said of the period which now ensued. Outwardly +everything went on as usual. The void made by the flight of the +insubordinate member of the family seemed to be felt by no one except +myself and the silent Uncle Joachim; at least, her name was never +mentioned. True, pauses in the conversation at table were more +frequent, and were usually broken--not always with much taste--by a +remark from my little pupil. There had been no gayety before in this +strangely constituted circle, and I don't remember ever having heard a +really hearty laugh. But, since the event, the master of the house +seemed to desire to keep his family under still more rigid spiritual +control. The blessing invoked upon the food often extended into a short +homily, and on Sunday afternoons he held services of his own, by the +aid of some Lutheran tracts, from which he extracted so confused a +theology that I was often compelled to exercise great self-control in +order not to give the rein to my old love for debate. On such occasions +he indulged in rancorous allusions to stray sheep and lost souls, spite +of the presence of the servants, who nudged one another, and afterward +let their tongues wag freely in the servants' hall.</p> + +<p class="normal">I wished myself a hundred miles away, for it seemed to me as if the +veil, which hitherto had only allowed me to see the vague outlines of +persons and things in the household, was suddenly torn away, and I +experienced a sense of almost physical discomfort, which increased with +every passing week.</p> + +<p class="normal">The most puzzling thing was that, spite of the promise I had given my +worshiped idol at our last meeting, I had become suspicious even of +her. When I imagined her in the society of the strange actor, my hand +involuntarily clinched, and I was strongly inclined to pronounce the +whole female sex, which had seemed to me so supernatural and adorable +in this individual, nothing better than the body-guard of the enemy of +mankind.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was by no means reconciled to her, but on the contrary still more +deeply wounded, when, a fortnight after her disappearance, I received +the printed announcement of her marriage to Herr Konstantin Spielberg, +theatrical manager. I had still cherished a secret hope that she would +repent the false step into which her exaggerated sense of justice had +led her, and withdraw from the turbid, bottomless swamp she had +entered, pure as a swan that needs only to shake its wings to cast off +everything that could besmirch it.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, with my knowledge of her, I ought not to have been surprised that +she should take upon herself all the consequences of her hasty step, +yet it roused a feeling of such intense bitterness that it made me +fairly ill, and for twenty-four hours I would see no one, as if the +sight of any human face must awaken a sense of shame.</p> + +<p class="normal">I knew that she had written long letters to her aunt and Uncle Joachim, +letters in which she had probably attempted to justify her conduct. But +I did not venture to make any inquiries about them. More than once, +when I met her beloved uncle, my tongue was on the point of asking the +question what threat he had used to deter his brother from pursuing the +fugitive. I vaguely suspected that I should learn things in her favor. +But, as the old gentleman did not commence the subject, I was forced to +say to myself that, little friendship as he felt for his brother, he +probably considered it unseemly to afford a stranger a glimpse of the +circumstances that did no honor to the name they both bore.</p> + +<p class="normal">Not until long after did I obtain a clear understanding of the matter.</p> + +<p class="normal">Even from the poor, timid baroness, I could obtain no information, +though, since the loss of her affectionate young confidante, she +had shown me even greater kindness than before. Nay, since I had +offered to supply Fräulein Luise's place at the evening games of +cards, I was regularly assured of her friendly feeling by a warm clasp +from her little wrinkled hand on my arrival and departure. Very soon +she bestowed upon me another office which her niece had formerly +filled--that of her High Almoner. I now perceived, with reverent +emotion, how from her invalid chair she was the guardian angel of all +the poor and wretched in the village; and the wan little face, with its +bony nose and low forehead, really gained a gleam of youthful grace +when I informed her of the recovery of some sick person, or the +gratitude of a poor woman to whom her help in some desperate strait had +restored the courage to live.</p> + +<p class="normal">Besides the quiet satisfaction I felt in my own modest share in these +deeds of charity, I had one great pleasure--my little pupil was +becoming more and more fond of me. Through all his ungovernableness he +had retained a dim consciousness of right and wrong, and when he +perceived the patient love I gave him he felt the obligation not to be +indebted to me, and therefore vented his instinctive rudenesses on +others. His progress in study continued to be extremely slow. But he +disarmed my displeasure by a frank confession of his faults and +laziness, and the entreaty that I would not attribute to ill-will what +was a part of his nature.</p> + +<p class="normal">I hoped to gradually obtain an influence over this perverse +disposition, but I was not allowed time to do so. With this fact there +was a strange story connected.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The day after the flight of the Canoness, as Fräulein Leopoldine needed +a companion, Mademoiselle Suzon had moved into the vacant tower-room +below me. From this time, also, the Frenchwoman was present at the +history lessons, during which she made herself very troublesome by +asking foolish questions and coquettishly endeavoring to turn the +tiresome teaching into empty conversation. But I said nothing about it, +knowing that a complaint to the baron would have been futile.</p> + +<p class="normal">Neither did I trouble myself about the extraordinary marks of favor +with which the cunning creature began to annoy me.</p> + +<p class="normal">One of the least of these was, that I rarely returned home from a walk +without finding in my room a bouquet of flowers or a few choice fruits, +filched from the garden or the green-house. Even at table she did not +restrain herself in the least from making all sorts of advances to me, +praising my lessons, repeating admirable remarks of which I had no +recollection, and keeping up a fusillade of glances, which greatly +incensed me, because it seemed to show distinctly that we were on the +best possible terms with each other. In my innocence, I was mainly +disturbed lest it should place me in a false light before the eyes of +my employer and his wife. To Uncle Joachim I had made no secret of my +dislike. The baroness's confidence in my honor and virtue, however, +seemed immovable, and the baron appeared to be merely amused by this +shadow of flirtation between his awkward tutor and the family friend, +without seeing any cause for suspicion in it.</p> + +<p class="normal">The affair pursued its course in this way for several weeks. Sometimes, +from the open window beneath mine, I heard, instead of the dear +"Orpheus" melody, most unmusical sighs and incoherent French verses, +declaimed to moon and stars, but whose real object I knew only too +well. Then I shut my own casement with an intentionally loud slam, and +preferred to dispense with the delicious coolness of the autumn night +rather than seem to listen to the tender soliloquies of this detestable +hypocrite.</p> + +<p class="normal">She perceived that she made no progress in this way, and resolved to +risk a bold stroke.</p> + +<p class="normal">It had already happened several times--accidentally, as I, unsuspicious +novice, supposed--that, when going up to my room, I passed the +Fräulein's door just at the moment she was putting her shoes outside. I +had then forced myself to exchange a few courteous words with her, but +escaped her efforts to carry on a more familiar conversation in the +dimly-lighted corridor as quickly as possible by a hasty "<i>Bonne nuit, +mademoiselle!</i>"</p> + +<p class="normal">How different would have been my demeanor if my former neighbor in the +tower, whose shoes and speech were both less ornate, had met me here +even once to say good-night!</p> + +<p class="normal">One evening my game with the old lady had been unusually prolonged. +Mademoiselle Suzon, after her victory at chess over the baron, and +obligatory courtesy to the baroness, had glided out of the room; the +master of the house, making no concealment of his impatience, paced up +and down the spacious apartment, frowning angrily; the servants +occasionally glanced sleepily through the glass doors, to see if it +were not bed-time. At last we finished, and I could take leave of my +employers. My old patroness pressed my hand with a friendly glance, the +baron nodded silently, but, as it seemed to me, with a sarcastic smile. +I took the candle from the servant who was waiting outside, and, in a +mood of dull ill-temper which was now almost always dominant, mounted +the stairs to my lofty lodging.</p> + +<p class="normal">I thought the delay would at least insure safety from my tormentor. But +as, walking on tip-toe, I reached the story where her room was +situated, the door gently opened, and an arm in a white night-dress +noiselessly placed the well-known pair of dainty shoes on the floor.</p> + +<p class="normal">I stopped, holding my breath and shading the candle with my hand. But, +as the door showed no sign of closing, I resolved to rush straight on +and pretend to be deaf and blind.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I had reckoned without my host. The door was suddenly thrown wide +open, and the French spook, in a most bewitching <i>négligée</i> costume, +stood directly before me.</p> + +<p class="normal">"<i>Bonsoir, Monsieur le Candidat!</i>" I heard her whisper, and then +followed a long, half tender, half reproachful speech in her +Franco-German jargon, of which I only understood that she was angry +with me--yes, seriously offended, because I so openly shunned her. She +could bear it no longer, and desired at last to know what grudge I had +against her, why I treated her like an enemy. She knew, of course, that +she could bear no comparison with Fräulein Luise, to whom I had been so +completely devoted. She was only a simple French girl, and had no other +<i>qualités</i> than her good heart and her virtue. But, since I was such a +chivalrous young man, and treated everybody else so kindly and +politely, she must suppose that she had given me some special offense; +and, if this were the case, she would gladly apologize for her fault if +she could thereby put an end to the icy coldness with which I treated +her.</p> + +<p class="normal">As she spoke, the wretch gazed at me with such an humble, childlike +expression in her crafty black eyes, that I, poor simpleton, completely +lost countenance.</p> + +<p class="normal">I stammered a few French phrases--I should have found it more difficult +to lie in German--assured her of my profound <i>estime</i>, and that she had +made a deplorable <i>erreur</i>, and, with a low bow, was hurrying away, +when I felt the arm that carried the candle seized in a firm clasp.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I thank you for those noble words," said the smooth serpent, fixing +her glittering eyes so intently on my face that I could not help +lowering my own like a detected criminal.</p> + +<p class="normal">"If you knew, <i>Monsieur Jean</i>, how happy your <i>sympathie</i>, your cordial +warmth makes me! Ah, <i>mon ami</i>, I am not what I perhaps seem to you, a +superficial, selfish creature, who avails herself of her position in +this house to gain some advantage. If you knew how this dependence, +this forbearance humiliates me! My youth was so brilliant, so happy! If +any one had told me then that I should ever enter a foreign German +household--"</p> + +<p class="normal">And she now began to relate to me in French, with incredible fluency, +the romance of her life, not more than half of which could I +understand. But as, spite of my inexperience, I retained a sufficient +degree of calmness to believe that even this half contained far more +fiction than fact, I at last, relapsing into my former incivility, +showed evident signs of impatience, and was just in the act of gently +shaking off the hand that still held my arm, when her eyes filled with +tears as she talked of her worshiped mother, and that honorable man, +her father.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You are exciting yourself too much, mademoiselle," I said. "It is +late--you must go to rest--to-morrow, if you wish--"</p> + +<p class="normal">Meantime I glanced into her room, which looked very untidy. The bed was +already opened, and on the little night-table stood a candle which +illumined the picture of the Madonna on the wall and a small black +crucifix beneath it.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, <i>mon ami</i>!" she sobbed, pressing my arm as if she needed +some support in her grief, "<i>si vous saviez! Mon cœur est si +sensible--tous les malheurs de ma vie</i>--" and then came a fresh torrent +of revelations of her most private affairs, till terror brought cold +drops of perspiration to my forehead and, in my helplessness, I could +finally think of no other expedient than to whisper: "Calm yourself, +Mademoiselle Suzon! Somebody is coming--if we should be found here--!"</p> + +<p class="normal">Her features suddenly changed their expression, she half closed her +eyes, as if fainting, and murmuring with a gesture of horror: "Mon +Dieu--je suis perdue!" tottered backward and would have fallen, had I +not sprung forward and caught her with my free arm.</p> + +<p class="normal">Instantly I felt her throw her arm over my shoulder, clinging to me as +if unconscious, and while we stood in this attitude and undoubtedly +formed a very striking group, which I myself lighted effectively with +the candle I held aloft, hasty footsteps, which I had only pretended to +hear, actually did come up the staircase, and at the end of the +corridor appeared the tall figure of one of the footmen, who served as +the baron's valet.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was wild with rage and shame at having allowed myself to be caught in +this suspicious position, and the thought darted like lightning through +my brain that the whole scene had been merely a prearranged farce, to +which in my good-natured simplicity I had fallen a victim! The fellow's +manner strengthened this belief, as he grinned at me with insolent +cunning. Besides, he had no reason to come here at this hour.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet I retained sufficient composure to say quietly: "Mademoiselle has +been taken ill. Wake the housekeeper, Christoph, and see that she is +put to bed. I wish her a speedy recovery."</p> + +<p class="normal">With these words I unceremoniously laid her on the floor, and walked +off as calmly as if entirely indifferent to what was happening behind +my back.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet every one will understand that I could not fall asleep very quickly +that night. Again and again I called myself an ass for having entered +this clumsy trap, and for the first time in my life learned that a good +conscience is not always a soft pillow. True, when I asked myself how a +trained man of the world would have acted in this situation, I could +find no reply. But my contempt for the female sex increased that night +to such a degree, and gained so large an access of dread and horror, +that for the first time I envied the anchorites who, to escape from the +sight of these fiends, retreated to some wilderness, where if any +appeared to them and might perchance lure to sin, though they did not +come straight from Hades, at least the hermits could not be surprised +by inquisitive lackeys.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The next morning, just after I had risen with so disagreeable a tang on +my tongue from the scene of the previous night that I could not make up +my mind to touch any breakfast, I suddenly heard a heavy step in the +corridor outside, which I recognized with terror as the baron's.</p> + +<p class="normal">I did not doubt for an instant that the hour of judgment had struck, +and the whole affair had been planned to obtain a sufficient excuse for +my dismissal--I was perfectly aware how little I had concealed my +feelings toward the outlawed member of the family, the lost soul of +this household. After the first shock of surprise, I really felt glad +that the climax had been reached without any volition of mine, and +armed myself with all the pride and defiance of a pure conscience.</p> + +<p class="normal">What was my amazement when my employer, after knocking courteously, +entered my room with his most cordial smile, which I had not seen for a +long time, and sat down on my hard sofa with the utmost affability.</p> + +<p class="normal">He began by requesting me to give my pupil a holiday, as the family +intended to drive to a neighboring estate. Then he launched into +praises of the good influences I had exerted over Achatz, and expressed +the hope that I might still long devote myself to his education, even +if the other duties of my office claimed my attention--for the old +pastor could not remain longer; his sermons showed that he was falling +more and more into the childishness of old age. He had determined to +pension him very shortly, even if it were against his wish, and give +the office to me, though I could not move into the parsonage till after +Christmas, as a suitable residence must first be found for the old +couple.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was so surprised by this offer--after having prepared myself for the +most furious rage--that I could only thank my kind patron with a few +clumsy words.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Oh, my dear Weissbrod," he replied, gazing out of the window with his +handsome bright eyes, like an aristocrat who is accustomed to dispense +favors, "you need not give me any special thanks. I know what I possess +in you, and hope that we shall understand each other better in future. +Of course, I should have wished you to treat me with more frankness, +but I understand and pardon your reticence. You thought me a rigid +judge of the conscience, from whom it would be best to conceal all +human weaknesses. You ought to have believed me a better Christian, one +who is mindful of the words relating to the forgiveness of his erring +brother: 'I say not unto thee, until seven times; but until seventy +times seven.' Besides, youth has no virtue, and a future pastor is not +to blame if he remembers the proverb: 'The pastor when settling for +life wants a wife.'"</p> + +<p class="normal">He smiled with patronizing significance, rose, went to my bookcase, +and, while gazing thoughtfully for the tenth time at the names of +Neander and Marheineke on the backs of the volumes, remarked with +apparent calmness:</p> + +<p class="normal">"When do you expect to be married?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I felt as if I had dropped from the clouds.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Herr Baron," I replied, "I am very grateful for your kindness, but I +have never had any idea of entering the estate of matrimony."</p> + +<p class="normal">The baron took out a book, turned the leaves, and then said, still in +the same tone of gracious familiarity:</p> + +<p class="normal">"That I can easily believe, my dear Weissbrod. Young people do not +always think of the consequences of their acts. But an honest man, and +especially a servant of the gospel, will not hesitate to recognize the +obligations he has undertaken. As I said, I do not reproach you for +having permitted the matter to go so far. But, after the scene of +yesterday evening, which could not remain secret, you will perceive +that it is your duty to protect the honor of the lady you have +compromised, and this can only be done by a speedy marriage."</p> + +<p class="normal">He shut the volume and restored it to its place. Then, turning quickly +and gazing at me with an inquisitorial expression, as if I were a +convicted criminal, he smoothed his beard with his white hands.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, thanks to the indignation which took possession of me at the +perception of this base farce, I maintained sufficient composure to +look him squarely in the face and answer coldly:</p> + +<p class="normal">"I do not know what has been told you, Herr Baron. But, for the sake of +truth, I must declare that it never entered my mind to carry on any +love affair beneath your roof, and that my conscience absolves me from +any obligation."</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw that he turned pale, and with difficulty repressed a violent +outburst of rage. At last he said:</p> + +<p class="normal">"How you are to justify yourself to your conscience is your own affair. +Mademoiselle has told me, with tears, that yesterday evening you took +advantage of a moment's physical weakness, by which she was attacked, +to embrace her, an act that did not occur without witnesses. I am +disposed to judge such an impulse of gallantry leniently, on account of +your youth and the attractiveness of the lady. But, as she is alone and +defenseless in the world, it is my duty to protect her reputation, and +I therefore give you the choice between proposing for her hand within +twenty-four hours or resigning your position in my house, and with it +all your prospects for the future. You must not make your decision in +your first embarrassment. When we return this evening from our drive, +there must either be a note from you in the young lady's room +containing your proposal, or in mine your request for a vacation, as +family affairs summon you as quickly as possible to Berlin. This +request--unless you should change your mind while away--you must follow +after a time with a petition for your final dismissal. You see that, +even though you have forfeited my esteem, I treat you with Christian +forbearance, but at the same time, as I am a foe to scandal and have +confidence in you, I trust you will avoid any cause of vexation. I will +now leave you to consider your own future, and wish you good-morning."</p> + +<p class="normal">He nodded with affable condescension and, without waiting for an +answer, left the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was scarcely alone ere the repressed indignation that had been +seething within me found vent in a convulsive laugh, and I felt tempted +to rush after my noble patron and loudly inform him, outside the door +of his clever accomplice, that I was not the dull simpleton they +believed me, but saw through their preconcerted manœuver, and was +not at all disposed to let a bridle be thrown over my head. Fortunately +I remembered that I did not possess a particle of proof, and should +only make my cause worse by uncorroborated assertions. So I strove to +calm myself, showed my pupil, who came bounding joyously in to bid me +good-by, a cheerful face, and embraced him, a caress he received with +innocent surprise, not suspecting that I was taking leave of him +forever, and then watched from my window the departure of the family, +which took place with the usual ceremony. In the servants' presence the +baron always treated his wife with chivalrous courtesy, lifted her into +the carriage himself, saw that she had the pillows for her back and the +rug for her feeble knees, and always asked if she was comfortable, and +whether she would not prefer to have the carriage open.</p> + +<p class="normal">Mademoiselle Suzon helped him with kittenish suppleness. Spite of the +nocturnal attack of faintness, her usual smile rested on her lips, and +not a single upward glance at me intimated that above her lodged the +robber of her honor, the man on whom depended the weal or woe of her +future life.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">As soon as the carriage had disappeared in the elm-avenue, I prepared +to pack my effects, except my books, which I could not take with me +without revealing my determination never to return. I do not know what +impulse of prudence induced me to enter into the cunning farce my +shrewd employer had marked out for me. Perhaps it was consideration for +the kind mistress of the house or for my little pupil. The others +certainly had not deserved to have me conceal the truth. After locking +my trunk, I sat down and wrote the note to the baron, which was +disagreeable enough for me. With great difficulty I resisted the +temptation to inform him, on another sheet, that his hypocritical words +had not blinded me in the least to the real motive of his conduct. But +I deemed it more dignified to leave him to his own conscience, and, if +the matter was as I firmly believed, he would be sufficiently punished.</p> + +<p class="normal">Several other farewells were before me--my worthy pastor, old Mother +Lieschen, with whom since the Canoness's departure I had chatted a +short time on many evenings, and finally my honored patron, Uncle +Joachim. I made the leave-taking with the first two as brief as +possible. I felt reluctant to use deception toward the good old pastor, +and yet I could not tell him the whole truth. But, spite of his eighty +years, his eyes were still keen enough to perceive the real state of +affairs, so that a shake of the hand was sufficient to make us +understand each other.</p> + +<p class="normal">Mother Lieschen was not in her hut. I could only leave a farewell +message, in which I wrapped a small gift of money. Uncle Joachim I +found in the fields, where he was overlooking the laborers in place of +the steward, who was ill.</p> + +<p class="normal">I thought it needless to maintain any secrecy toward him. He listened +quietly, and his sharp, expressive features showed no signs of +surprise.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I have seen it coming," he said at last, sending forth vehement puffs +of smoke from his short pipe. "The farce is excellent, though no longer +perfectly new; such things have frequently occurred before, though the +exit is usually different. Well, I'm not anxious about you, Sir Tutor, +and I shall at least have the advantage of no longer seeing that +intriguing woman's face opposite. Believe me, my dear friend, I, too, +would gladly take to my heels and try to earn my bit of daily bread +elsewhere, even if it should be as head-groom or steward on the estate +of one of my former equals and boon companions. But there is my +sister-in-law, poor thing. Who knows what her pious husband might +do, if the last person in whose presence he is obliged to control +himself should go away? You know the proverb about us natives of the +Mark--that, though we never burned a heretic, we never produced a +saint. Well, if there were a Protestant Pope, he should canonize that +poor martyr for me on the spot."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then, after we had shaken hands, he called me back again.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You must do me the favor to keep this whole abominable story a secret, +Sir Tutor," he said. "I could not blame you if you blazoned it abroad, +for, after all, you are the one who is injured, and, if we can get no +other satisfaction, to rage and call things by their right names +relieves the bile. Still, remember that the honorable man who has thus +injured you bears the same name as our Luise, to say nothing of myself. +True, the girl has made haste to lay it aside. If you should ever meet +her in the outside world, give her a tender greeting from Uncle +Joachim, and tell her to bestow a sheet of letter-paper on him. Well, +may God be with you, my dear friend! Heads up always, then we see the +sun, moon, and stars, and not the wretched worms that crawl on this +foul earth."</p> + +<p class="normal">As he uttered these words, he clasped me affectionately in his arms, +and kissed me on both cheeks. Then, turning abruptly away, he went back +to his work.</p> + +<p class="normal">In the afternoon I sat in the self-same butcher's cart in which I had +made the journey to the castle. Krischan maintained a diplomatic +silence, though I could not doubt that, like the other servants, he was +perfectly aware of the nocturnal incident and its unpleasant +consequences. Yet I perceived that the popular voice was not against +me, for several times on the way I was obliged to refuse a drink from +the worthy fellow's bottle. In the village, too, many tokens of a +friendly and respectful disposition fell to my lot.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet, though this time the bays did not have the heavy box of books to +drag through the sand, and my conscience was no weightier burden than +it had been six months before, the drive, spite of the bright October +weather, was a dismal one, and my heart was far from singing hymns as +it had longed to do on the former occasion.</p> + +<p class="normal">I could not help constantly reflecting that a few weeks before the one +woman who attracted all my thoughts had passed over this very road to a +future which I could paint only in the blackest hues.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I can not shake off the fear that in the preceding pages, which +concerned my insignificant self, I may have been too verbose. Should +this really be the case, I may confidently assert that the error is not +due to the garrulity, or even the self-love, of a lonely man, but the +desire of a conscientious biographer to omit nothing that could throw +more light upon the acts of his heroine.</p> + +<p class="normal">During the time immediately following her marriage, she disappeared +entirely from the horizon of my own pitiful existence. I will therefore +make my account of the succeeding years until she reappears as brief as +possible.</p> + +<p class="normal">My good old aunt in Berlin received me with her former love and +kindness, though somewhat surprised that she must once more shelter in +her little back-room the clerical nephew whom she had expected to +speedily see shining as a brilliant light of the church in the +glittering candlestick of a parish, while he now again seemed to be a +dim little flame with a big "thief" in it.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, she did not suspect the real state of the case concerning this +"thief"--the hapless love for a woman who had utterly vanished that was +secretly consuming me. I did not deny it to myself for a moment. I knew +too well that all the joyousness of youth was irretrievably lost to me; +and, as I perceived that the consolations of religion were powerless in +my condition, I fell away more and more from my theological vocation, +and during the first months gave myself up to a very God-forsaken, +brooding idleness.</p> + +<p class="normal">I carefully remained aloof from the circle of my former companions. I +felt that the experiences of the past six months had separated me from +them forever. Even in my outward man I had changed so much that two of +my former most intimate friends passed close by me in the street +without recognizing in the tall fellow with closely cropped hair, clad +in a light summer suit and a straw hat, the apostle of yore, with his +long locks parted in the middle, and clerical black coat.</p> + +<p class="normal">On receiving my definite request for a dismissal, the baron, closely as +he usually calculated, had sent me six months' extra pay as tutor, +which I did not return, though I could not help regarding the modest +sum as a sort of hush-money. Having been turned out of the house +without any fault of my own, I thought myself entitled to some +compensation.</p> + +<p class="normal">This money, which I was not compelled to use for my own support, since +my kind aunt feasted me as though I were the prodigal son, I devoted to +one exclusive purpose, for which probably no theological candidate +waiting for his parish ever used his savings--I went to the theater +every evening.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, my longing to hear the great Milder was not fulfilled. I do not +know whether she was dead or had merely retired from the stage. +But I heard other admirable singers, among whom Sophie Löwe and the +fair-haired Fassmann made the deepest impression upon me, and in the +drama I was just in time to admire the famous Seydelmann, and +afterward, perhaps wrongly, rave over Hendrichs, though I never saw the +latter enter without a feeling of aversion, which did not vanish until +he had acted for some time. He reminded me, both in personal appearance +and in many gestures, of another actor, whom I hated from my inmost +soul because I believed that he was to blame for the darkening of the +star of my life.</p> + +<p class="normal">But the world represented on the stage, the creations of the authors +themselves, captivated me far more than any individual artist--so +bewitched me, indeed, that I do not remember having opened a +theological work or even visited a church during the year and a half I +spent in the capital. The hypocrisy whose bitter fruits I had tasted +had disgusted me with the delicious wine pressed in the Lord's +vineyard, till, with a sort of defiant rebellion, I fled to the world +of illusion irradiated by the foot-lights.</p> + +<p class="normal">No one will marvel that, in this mood, I even essayed my own powers as +a dramatic author. Of course, it was no less a personage than Julian +the Apostate whom, during five acts, I made atone in iambics for having +desired to restore to honor the ancient Pagan gods. I still retained +enough of the theologian to place Venus lower than the mother of the +Saviour. Yet between the lines glimmered so skeptical a view of the +world that this <i>exercitium</i> in ecclesiastical history certainly would +not have been reviewed <i>cum laude</i> at my old college.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had just finished the shapeless <i>opus</i>, and was considering whether I +should offer it to a "rational artist," like Eduard Devrient, for his +opinion, when a sorrowful event suddenly stopped my dramatic career.</p> + +<p class="normal">My loving nurse and supporter fell ill, and at the end of a few days I +was obliged to accompany her to her last resting-place. As she had +lived upon a small annuity, her whole property consisted of old +furniture and a modest wardrobe. I myself had spent all my money except +a few thalers. Therefore, it was necessary to again obtain a firmer +foothold than the boards of the theatre, which could not be my world.</p> + +<p class="normal">A few private pupils whom I secured helped me out of my most pressing +need. Meanwhile, I industriously watched the papers for advertisements +for tutors, and almost every week sent to the addresses mentioned a +letter containing copies of my testimonials and references, including +the name of my first employer, but to my grief and anger I invariably +received a refusal. Knowing myself to be so well recommended, it was a +long time ere I could understand these persistent failures, till at +last, one sleepless night, when anxiety about my immediate future +sharpened my wits, I hit upon the most natural solution of the +enigma--my former employer, in reply to inquiries about me, of course +gave the most unfavorable information, thereby refuting his written +testimony, partly to prevent my relating in a new position the true +cause of my dismissal.</p> + +<p class="normal">Therefore, when a tutor--who must also be musical--was wanted for two +boys seven and eight years old on a country estate near the frontier of +Pomerania, I quickly formed my resolution, borrowed from an actor, +whose acquaintance I had made, the money to pay my traveling expenses, +and hastened to wait upon my future employer in person.</p> + +<p class="normal">I found the position to be everything I could desire. The owner of the +estate was a vigorous, thoroughly aristocratic, that is, noble-minded, +man of middle age, who was deeply interested in agriculture, and had +therefore left the education of his two sons exclusively to his +admirable wife, until they had outgrown her feminine care and teaching. +When I had explained my situation, and told him enough of the cause of +my short stay with the baron to enable the shrewd man to perceive my +innocence, without suspecting the whole truth, we soon agreed that I +should come on trial for a quarter. These three months became three +years, and, as neither found any reason to complain of the other, I +should probably have grown old and gray in this beautiful part of my +native land, had not the strange wandering star of my life suddenly +appeared again in the firmament and lured me into new paths.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had entered upon my office of tutor without any thought of ever +moving into the neighboring parsonage. This was partly because I had +become doubtful of my vocation as a preacher, and partly because I did +not grudge the excellent man who now filled the place the longest +possible life, which indeed he needed in order to leave his six young +daughters--who had early lost their mother--alone in this dreary world +without anxiety.</p> + +<p class="normal">The oldest, Marie, was just sixteen when I entered upon my duties in +the family of Herr von N----. Never have I known a more exemplary girl +than this pure and lovely young creature, who, spite of her extreme +youth, took the whole burden of the housekeeping and the education of +her younger sisters on her slender shoulders, without even seeming to +feel its weight. Her violet eyes and waving light-brown locks gave her +a claim to beauty, especially when she smiled and her teeth glittered +bewitchingly between her pouting lips. Had I not been afflicted with so +obstinate a heart, I should undoubtedly have lost it to this charming +child of God, and now be settled as a worthy pastor and father of a +family in some village in the Mark. But my thoughts, spite of my utter +hopelessness, clung so steadfastly to one image that for a long time I +went in and out of the worthy pastor's house, and ate many a piece of +cake Marie had baked, without seeing the merry little housekeeper in +any other light than as the well-educated daughter of a man to whom I +became more and more indebted for my own development.</p> + +<p class="normal">For, while a country pastor who enters his pulpit every Sunday for +twenty years usually lets his spiritual armor grow tolerably rusty with +the flight of time, this admirable man, in his quiet gable-room, had +taken the most eager interest in all the struggles which in those days +agitated the theological world, had entered deeply into the historical +investigations of the Tübingen School, and instantly fanned to a bright +blaze the scientific interest which, during my rage for the theater in +Berlin, had become completely extinguished--a blaze, it is true, that +consumed to a sorry little heap the last scraps of orthodoxy with which +I had covered my nakedness.</p> + +<p class="normal">This is not the place to enter more fully into this spiritual question +now struggling in the pangs of its birth. Only I must say that I looked +up with actual reverence to this man who, from the depths of his warm, +thoroughly evangelical nature, drew the strength--spite of casting +aside the dogmatic traditions, whose foundations had been shaken in his +soul--to beneficently fulfill his duties as pastor and proclaim the +Word, without being faithless to its spirit.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was not granted this gift, rooted in the purest philanthropy, and +therefore capable of helping each individual to salvation in his own +way. I was exclusively occupied with my own redemption, and, as I had +entirely relinquished the idea of a parish, and for the present gave +myself no anxiety about any other profession, I spent these three +years, so far as my secret yearnings for my lost love permitted, very +happily, and daily passed several hours with my teacher and friend, who +treated me like a younger brother, and let me share without reserve +everything that occupied his mind.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was inevitable that I should be on the most familiar terms with his +children also. From the first I had placed myself on a footing of merry +banter, and asked the little girls to call me Uncle Hans. Marie +persisted in addressing me as Herr Johannes. Yet an innocent +familiarity, like that of blood relations, existed between us, and +seemed to continue undisturbed when the child had matured into a +maiden, and the eyes of the girl of nineteen gazed into the world with +a dreamy earnestness that would have given a person better versed than +I in reading the human heart much food for thought.</p> + +<p class="normal">I noticed that she had lost some of her former vivacity, but was so +unsuspicious that I jested with her about it, and drew no inference +from her silence and blushes. True, the idea occurred to me that the +young bird was fledged and longed to quit the overcrowded nest. But, as +I knew with whom she associated, and that none of my employer's guests, +who sometimes visited her father, had made the slightest impression +upon her, I ascribed her changed demeanor to some anxiety of +conscience--she often rummaged among her father's books--rather than +any affair of the heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">That I myself might be the cause never entered my dreams. All vanity +had been shorn away with my beautiful fair locks, for with cropped hair +I seemed to myself anything but attractive, and, since I had been +obliged to atone for the bold hope of making an impression on the heart +of the sole object of my adoration, by the keen disappointment of her +marriage, I did not consider myself created to be dangerous to any +woman.</p> + +<p class="normal">So, one morning, when I had vainly sought my pastor in his study to +return him a volume by David Friedrich Strauss, and on entering the +little garden saw Marie sitting on a bench, holding in her lap a dish +of green beans which she was preparing for the kitchen, I greeted her +with a jest, though I noticed her tearful eyes, and asked if I could +sit beside her a moment.</p> + +<p class="normal">She nodded silently, and moved to make room for me. I commenced an +indifferent conversation, but secretly resolved to question her, like a +true uncle, about the cause of her melancholy. Her only friend, the +daughter of a neighboring pastor, had just become engaged to a young +agriculturist. I began with that, and asked if there was genuine love +on the part of the girl, to whom I also had become attached. Marie, +without looking up from her work, replied that this was a matter of +course. How could people stand before the altar, and form the sacred +tie, if there was no real love? Why, I answered, many a girl hopes that +love will come after marriage, and only weds for the sake of having a +home of her own, a husband, and children. True, I did not believe Marie +capable of such conduct. She would never put this little hand--and as I +spoke I patted the delicate little fingers resting on the beans--into +that of a man whom she did not love with her whole heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">Again I felt a violent tremor run through her slender figure; she made +a visible effort to calm herself, but suddenly let the dish fall from +her lap, tears streamed from her eyes, and, stammering almost +inaudibly, "Excuse me, I don't feel well!" she rushed into the house as +if flying from Satan himself.</p> + +<p class="normal">I remained sitting on the bench as if a thunderbolt had struck me. It +was long ere I could calm myself sufficiently to pick up the dish and +carefully collect the scattered green pods.</p> + +<p class="normal">What would I have given to be able, with a clear conscience, to follow +the dear child, take her little cold hands in mine, and utter words +which would have had the power to dry her tears.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, deeply as my heart glowed with tender sympathy for this youthful +sorrow, I did not doubt an instant that I should be doing her a far +heavier wrong if I tried to console her without the "real love" than if +I left her uncomforted.</p> + +<p class="normal">At last, after vainly waiting in the hope that she would come back and +turn the affair into a jest, I rose in great perplexity and went +thoughtfully back to my employer's house, here also called the +"castle," though it had no feudal aspect.</p> + +<p class="normal">As soon as I was alone in my little room--my pupils were waiting for +their lessons in the school-room--I went to the mirror and carefully +scrutinized my face. Even now I could find in it nothing that seemed +calculated to disturb the peace of a young girl's heart. The +conversations with the dear child, which I could remember also +contained nothing captivating, and, as I had again and again said that +I should probably remain a bachelor all my life, I could not help +acquitting myself of all blame in the sweet girl's unfortunate passion.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet the sudden discovery so agitated me that I felt unable to give my +Latin lesson. I dictated a written exercise to the lads, and, while +they were at work upon it, sat down by the window with the last +newspaper, which had just been brought in, not to read, but to have +some pretext for pursuing my idle and fruitless thoughts.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, as my eyes wandered absently over the columns of the paper, they +were abruptly arrested by a name which glared in large letters amid the +small type of the advertisement.</p> + +<p class="normal"><i>Konstantin Spielberg</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">How long a time had passed since I had either heard or read that name! +In Berlin, where ever and anon--always blushing as if I were betraying +my secret--I had inquired about this object of my silent hate, no one +seemed to know whether he was alive or dead. He appeared to have won no +special repute as an artist, and, since his withdrawal to the +provinces, his former colleagues, several of whom I knew, had heard +nothing about him. As such wandering stars only diffuse their light in +their immediate vicinity, the small local sheets that came to us made +as little mention of him as the large journals of the capital.</p> + +<p class="normal">Now, in his erratic course, he had come so near us that I could not +avoid suddenly discerning him with the naked eye.</p> + +<p class="normal">There stood the notice. "Konstantin Spielberg, with his renowned +dramatic company, has arrived in St. ----," the nearest Pomeranian +capital to us, "and intends, during the next six weeks, to give +performances to which respected citizens, the nobility, and the +art-loving public are invited."</p> + +<p class="normal">At any other time this intelligence would undoubtedly have agitated me, +but without stimulating me to any decision. In the strange situation in +which I found myself since my last interview with my friend's daughter, +this shadow from former days seemed to me like a sign from Heaven. I +instantly resolved to repress all the emotions contending in my soul +and convince myself, with my own eyes, how this man's wife fared, and +whether she needed any assistance from the friend whose confidence she +had certainly sorely betrayed.</p> + +<p class="normal">I went at once to my employer and requested him to give me a week's +vacation. Both physically and mentally I was in a strangely upset +condition, which perhaps was only due to stagnation of the blood, and +would be relieved by a short pedestrian excursion.</p> + +<p class="normal">My request was granted without hesitation, and that very afternoon I +found myself, with a light knapsack on my back, but my heart doubly +burdened by two hopeless love-affairs, on the sunny highway that led to +the Pomeranian frontier.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I might have reached my destination that night. But, swiftly as I had +commenced my walk, after the first hour it became difficult for me to +put one foot before the other. I constantly repeated to myself: "How +will you find her? And how will she look when you suddenly take her by +surprise without having previously inquired whether your visit would be +agreeable or not? Quite probably she will shrink from you, as if you +were a ghost recalling a time she would prefer to have buried, and you +can be off home again.</p> + +<p class="normal">"What then? And what is to be done about the other, whom you really +never ought to see again, if you desire to be an honest man."</p> + +<p class="normal">Under the influence of such thoughts I stopped, at the end of a few +hours, at a respectable village tavern, the last in the territory of +the Mark, and spent the sultry night uncomfortably enough in the thick +feather-bed. The next morning I continued my snail's pace. Never in my +life had I felt more plainly, and with deeper shame, how pitiful a +thing is our much-lauded free-will. For in fact I was nothing more than +a puppet which a child pulls by a string, and it made the matter none +the better because the boy whose plaything I was had gay wings on his +shoulders and wrote his name Cupid.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was about ten o'clock when I reached the little city--a place as +ugly, dreary, and lifeless as any other Pomeranian town on an August +morning. But, as I walked over the rough pavement of the main street, +my heart throbbed as if I were entering some enchanted city, where in a +crystal castle I should find the princess in a giant's power, and, +after perilous adventures, secure her release.</p> + +<p class="normal">I first inquired at the hotel, fully expecting that I should find the +"renowned" traveling company had lodgings there. But, when I had thrown +my knapsack into one chair in the public-room of the "Black Eagle" and +myself into another, and the waiter had brought me half a bottle of +Moselle, I was better informed at once.</p> + +<p class="normal">The actors had spent only one night with them, and the very next day +hired the back of the commandant's house for a month. Until six years +ago a regiment of infantry had been stationed here, and the colonel had +occupied Count X----'s old house facing the Goose-Market. When the +regiment was ordered to another garrison, the house was not rented +again. Now the manager had hired the back building, formerly used for +the offices and adjutant's residence, at a very low price. The +performances were given at the Schützenhaus near the Stettin Gate. The +actors were splendid and drew large crowds.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Does the manager's wife play too?" I asked, and, as I spoke, my hand +trembled so violently that part of the wine was spilled from my glass.</p> + +<p class="normal">No. The manager's wife never appeared. It was said that she was a lady +of noble birth, who had run away with her present husband. But she was +a very beautiful lady, and nobody could tell any evil of her. Did not I +want something to eat? The <i>table-d'hôte</i>, at which there was nobody +now except one commercial traveler, would not be ready for two hours.</p> + +<p class="normal">I rose after hastily swallowing a single glass, let the officious youth +brush my hat and clothes, and then requested him to direct me to the +actor's residence. Perceiving my interest in him, he brought me the +bill for that night's performance. The "Ancestress," a tragedy by +Grillparger, with spectral apparitions: first row, six good +groschens<a name="div2Ref_03" href="#div2_03">[3]</a>; second row, five silver ones; pit, two good ones; +children, half price; commencement at six o'clock. I read the names, of +which I knew only the manager's: Jaromir--Manager Konstantin Spielberg. +An uncomfortable feeling of mingled cowardice and repugnance again +overpowered me. For a moment I actually hesitated whether I should not +strap on my knapsack again and walk straight out through the opposite +gate. But the puppet was fastened to its platform, and the naughty boy +pulled till his toy was obliged to roll where he wanted it to go.</p> + +<p class="normal">The Goose-Market was a rectangular piece of ground, in which grew dusty +acacia-trees. On one of the narrow sides stood the colonel's former +residence, a by no means ugly two-story building, in the style of the +reign of Old Fritz, with a flight of steps leading to the door, and a +stone escutcheon on the cornice above. But all the windows were closed +with shutters, and a cat lay asleep in the sentry-box beside the steps.</p> + +<p class="normal">My waiter led me to the side entrance, whose door was unlocked, and +through the wide gateway into the shady court-yard, in whose center a +large chestnut-tree spread its boughs in front of the windows of the +rear building. "Please go up the stairs at the back," he said. +"Somebody is always at home; but, if you want the manager, you'll find +him now at the rehearsal. A very diligent artist, as the president of +the district court says, and the rest of the company do well, too. But +our little city deserves it, for everybody here raves about art. Well, +you will see for yourself."</p> + +<p class="normal">He bowed affectedly and left me alone, which made me very happy. For +the accursed throbbing of the heart grew madder than ever, and I was +forced to lean against the trunk of the chestnut ere I was able to walk +through the court-yard.</p> + +<p class="normal">The lower story of the back building seemed to be wholly occupied by +stables and coach-houses. In the upper one, all the windows stood open, +and their freshly washed panes glittered all the more brightly from the +contrast to the thick dust on the doors and sills. At last I plucked up +courage and mounted the dark stairs.</p> + +<p class="normal">I came to a long, tolerably wide corridor, and wandered helplessly past +several closed doors. Behind one of them I heard the rattling of pans +and dishes; that must be the kitchen. I did not wish to summon a +servant, so I stole softly on. And now I paused before a door through +which I heard the sound of a woman's well-known voice--only a few +words, but I felt by the hot tide which coursed through my veins that +it had not lost its power over me during the four or five years of +separation. And now I summoned up my resolution like a hero and +knocked. Some one called "Come in," and I suddenly stood inside the +apartment, confronting my old, inevitable fate.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">She was sitting at the open window, and the sunbeams, piercing the +foliage of the chestnut, flickered over her figure, leaving her head in +shadow. At the first glance I saw that she had grown even more +beautiful--a little stouter and more matronly, of course--but her face +was still more instinct with intellect, and her nose had actually +lengthened a trifle. She wore her hair in the same fashion as in her +girlhood, only she had fastened over the coil behind a black-silk +crocheted net, whose ends were knotted at her neck. No one would have +perceived either her lineage or her present dignity as wife of the +manager by her plain, dark-calico dress. But in her lap she held a +red-velvet royal mantle--very threadbare, it is true--trimmed with +gold-lace, in which she was mending a long rent, and a pile of knights' +costumes, satin bodices, and plumed caps lay in a clothes basket beside +her chair.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Good Heavens, Johannes!" I heard her suddenly exclaim. The royal +mantle slipped from her hand, and she rose to her full-height, fixing +her large brown eyes on me exactly as I had feared--as if a ghost had +rudely startled her from her quiet thoughts.</p> + +<p class="normal">A little boy, about four years old, who had been playing with a Noah's +ark on a piece of carpet at her feet, sprang up at the same time, +seized her hand, and was now staring at me with mingled shyness and +curiosity.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first I could say nothing. I was gazing steadily at the little fair +head--her child, and her very image.</p> + +<p class="normal">She seemed to notice it, and, as if to disguise her first feeling of +embarrassment, she bent over the little fellow, saying, "Go and shake +hands prettily with the gentleman, Joachimchen. He is a dear uncle, and +it is very kind in him to have sought out your mother again."</p> + +<p class="normal">But the child clung timidly to her arm, and would not approach me.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes, it is I, Frau Luise," I stammered at last, in some confusion. "I +wanted, as my way brought me near you--. But you are looking so +well, Frau Luise. How do you do? You are happy, I see--and the dear +child--does Uncle Joachim know that he bears his name? He would surely +be pleased."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Won't you sit down, Herr Johannes?" she replied. "The sofa over yonder +is very uncomfortable. Bring a chair, and let us sit near the window. +And now tell me whence you have come and what has brought you to us."</p> + +<p class="normal">I did as she requested, while she resumed her interrupted work and +listened intently. The child had pushed his toys aside, and, when I +held out my hand, shyly laid his soft little fingers in it. But I soon +drew him close to my side, and, ere ten minutes had passed, he was +sitting on my knee, patiently letting me stroke his hair while I +described my life.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, I dared not make even the most distant allusion, to the one +thought around which everything else had turned in the course of the +years, and which had now brought me here. But women are sensitive, and +have the gift of reading in our eyes and catching from broken tones the +very thing we are most anxious to conceal.</p> + +<p class="normal">She, however, did not do this.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I am heartily glad to see you again at last, dear Herr Johannes," she +replied, when I had paused. "I have always valued your friendship, and +was very sorry that you had perhaps formed a false opinion of me when I +disappeared so suddenly. If you stay with us a few days, you will see +that I could not have done otherwise. My husband, too, will be glad to +make your acquaintance. I have told him about you. True, you will not +be able to judge correctly of his talent as an artist. His surroundings +are not worthy of him, and he can not appear in his best parts in these +little towns. But you will learn to value him as a man."</p> + +<p class="normal">I made no reply. I could not tell her that I greatly doubted the +latter, and did not even desire it. My aversion to her husband was as +much a part of my reverence for her as the thorn is a portion of the +rose.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Put the boy down again," she said. "You will tire the gentleman, +Joachimchen."</p> + +<p class="normal">The little fellow had begun to pull my whiskers with his slender +fingers, which gave me great pleasure.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Let him stay, Frau Luise," I said. "Shall I tell you a story, little +Joachim? Or, shall we play together?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Play!" replied the dear child, and his earnest eyes sparkled. He slid +quickly from my lap and again knelt on the carpet where the little +menagerie lay, heaped in motley confusion. I sat down beside him and +began to arrange the animals in pairs on the floor, asking my little +playmate the name of each. He scarcely missed one.</p> + +<p class="normal">"He is remarkably far advanced for his age," I said to his mother, who +sat at her work, looking down at us with a quiet smile.</p> + +<p class="normal">"He has associated entirely with grown persons," she replied. "I hope +it will not always be so. I shall try to obtain some companions for him +this winter. We shall then spend several months in the same place."</p> + +<p class="normal">Just at that moment the door opened and her husband entered. He paused +as he saw the strange group at the window, but, when I rose, and his +wife mentioned my name, came forward with outstretched hand, saying, in +the beautiful baritone voice he used in personating his heroes:</p> + +<p class="normal">"How do you do, Herr Candidate? We are old acquaintances, for you were +among the spectators at my disastrous appearance at the castle. It +certainly was not one of my brilliant parts, and the only hand that +moved to clap, wounded me. But, for the sake of the happy afterpiece, I +still remember the day with joy and gratitude. Do I not, dear wife?"</p> + +<p class="normal">He had taken his wife's hand and raised it to his lips. I could not +help owning that his chivalrous bearing suited him admirably. Though he +had just passed his fortieth year, his appearance was still youthful +and winning; there was not a gray hair in his locks <i>à la Hendricks</i>; +the expression of the pale, finely-chiseled features was a trifle +self-complacent and triumphant, but unmistakably kind. Even his +conspicuous dress--a short, black-velvet coat trimmed with braid, +yellow nankeen trousers, and a red-silk kerchief knotted loosely around +his throat--was becoming. One thing, however, I did not like: he nodded +to the child with sarcastic condescension, and, after a careless "How +are you, lad?" took no further notice of him. The boy, too, quietly +continued his play as if a total stranger had entered.</p> + +<p class="normal">The great artist instantly asked me familiarly if I felt inclined to +change the pulpit for the stage, since it was well known that an actor +can teach a pastor. Luise had told him that I was musical; as he meant +in time to add operettas to his list of attractions, he could make me a +sort of conductor, unless I should prefer to fit myself to be an actor. +I would find it pleasant with him; his wife could bear witness that he +did not make amends for the petticoat government he was under at home +by tyranny behind the scenes.</p> + +<p class="normal">His jesting tone did not seem to be exactly agreeable to his wife. At +least she did not enter into it, but gravely continued to mend the +crimson robe. But he was evidently in the best possible humor. While +pacing up and down the spacious room with the slow strides of a stage +hero, he cast a proud, well-satisfied glance into the mirror that hung +above the sofa every time he passed it, talked of the rehearsal from +which he had just come, and trivial annoyances which he had smoothed +according to his wishes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You will make the acquaintance of the members of our company +immediately," he said, turning to me; "and I hope you will find them by +no means the worst sort of people. We must live and let live. My wise +wife, who in the shortest possible time has transformed herself into a +perfect mother to the company, has made the arrangement that we are all +to dine together at noon, not at the hotel where food is dear and bad, +but here under her wing. At first it was inconvenient to many of them. +But they soon perceived it to be an advantage in every way. They obtain +for a very small sum, which is deducted from their salaries in advance, +good and abundant food, support themselves honestly, and contract no +debts at the hotel. Besides, we have an opportunity of discussing at +table many points concerning the evening performance which did not +occur to us at the rehearsal."</p> + +<p class="normal">A square-built personage, with a white cap surrounding her flushed +face, entered and announced that dinner was ready.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Here, my honored friend, you see the artist who provides for our +physical support--Fräulein Kunigunde--the mistress of the kitchen and +larder, who in her leisure hours renders us priceless services as +mistress of the wardrobe.--Fräulein Kunigunde, I have the honor to +present to you Herr Dr. Johannes, a distant relative of my wife, who +would fain convince himself whether our car of Thespis merits the +renown it enjoys in all the region where Low German is spoken. I hope +you have some nice dish for us."</p> + +<p class="normal">The embarrassed creature courtesied silently and vanished, settling +her cap. She evidently supposed me to be some distinguished +stranger, before whom she would not willingly have appeared in her +working-clothes. The artist, after a parting look in the mirror, +passed his hand familiarly through my arm, saying: "You won't object +to my suppressing your title of Candidate and promoting you to that +of Doctor in presenting you to my colleagues. Among these frivolous +folk, theology plays the part of Knecht Ruprecht,<a name="div2Ref_04" href="#div2_04">[4]</a> or must encounter +disrespectful badinage. Your surname, too, would give cause for +witticisms. So let us keep to the Christian one. Then it will be +thought that you consider it a duty to your aristocratic relatives to +be known on the stage only as Johannes."</p> + +<p class="normal">I was about to protest against his taking possession of my person in +this arbitrary fashion, but he had already opened the door of the +adjoining room, and, as Frau Luise, who led the boy by the hand, cast a +glance at me as she passed, which seemed to indicate that I need not be +too rigorous, I entered without further scruple into the part thus +forced upon me, and from which I fancied I could escape at any moment.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The dining-room was a long apartment with three windows. Its walls were +perfectly bare, and the old white-lace curtains made them seem still +more cold and unhomelike. A narrow table, whose uneven width betrayed +that it had been formed of several sets of boards, occupied the center; +its cloth was not fine, but exquisitely clean. About fourteen rude +wooden chairs were ranged around it, all as yet unoccupied, and the +number of guests, who stood chatting together in the window-niches, +seemed still incomplete.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was presented, as an old friend of the family and embryo student of +the dramatic art, first to a married couple, Herr and Frau Selmar, who +eyed me in unfriendly silence. These two oldest members of the company, +as I afterward learned, were in a chronic state of dissatisfaction with +everything and everybody except themselves. Probably there is no class +of persons among whom the type of character embodying cureless, +arrogant pride, may so frequently be found as amid the older dramatic +artists, whose profession compels them to attach value to their +personality, to long passionately for momentary triumphs, and to be on +their guard against any rivalry. Herr Selmar, who took the parts of the +stage fathers and blustering old men, considered himself still young +enough for the lover's rôles in which the manager shone, and his faded +wife, who years before had bewitched all hearts by her personal charms +as much as by her acting, could not now feel satisfied to fill the +characters of old women and mothers.</p> + +<p class="normal">They had just been venting their irritation concerning some jealous +grievance to each other, and I admired the good-natured cheerfulness +with which the manager gradually soothed them. True, he was most ably +assisted in doing so by the droll quips interposed by a tall, thin man +of uncertain age, dressed in a greenish summer suit. The latter was +presented to me as Herr Laban, comedian of the company, and as, spite +of my uncomfortable mood, I could not help laughing heartily at his +quaint jests, a sort of friendly familiarity instantly arose between +us, and he took the seat next me at table.</p> + +<p class="normal">Frau Luise sat at the head, and on a high cushion in the chair at her +right was the little boy, who managed his knife and fork very prettily +from his miniature throne. Her husband occupied the seat at her left, +then came the Selmar couple, I sat next the child, and with tender +delight rendered him all sorts of little services. A few of the lesser +lights of the company joined us, and, just as the soup was served, a +dilatory pair appeared, in whom I recognized the young man and his +companion who had attracted my attention while sitting on the bench in +front of the village tavern.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Herr Daniel Kontzky--Fräulein Victorine."</p> + +<p class="normal">With a silent bow to the manager's wife, they sat down opposite to me, +and seemed to recognize my face. At least, they exchanged a few +whispered words before beginning to eat, which they did with affected +haste and indifference, entering into no conversation with any of their +colleagues. They evidently desired to give the impression that they +considered themselves far superior to their present associates, and had +only strayed among them by chance.</p> + +<p class="normal">While the simple but very excellent food was handed around--Fräulein +Kunigunde brought in the dishes, placed them at the ends of the table, +and left those who sat nearest to pass them farther--I had time enough +to study the two youngest and most interesting members of the company. +They had improved during the five years--at least, so far as their +personal appearance was concerned. The young man, now probably about +six and twenty, had a remarkably handsome face, whose swift play of +expression instantly betrayed the actor. I afterward learned he was the +child of a Hebrew father and a Polish mother. From the latter he +inherited the passionate fire of his eyes and the feminine delicacy of +his complexion, as well as his small hands and feet. He wore a light +summer suit of the latest fashion, and had a ruby ring on his little +finger. But, notwithstanding his soft tenor voice, his laugh was +sneering and disagreeable, and I noticed with surprise that he +sometimes cast a side glance at Frau Luise which expressed open +dislike, while her lip curled whenever their eyes chanced to meet.</p> + +<p class="normal">Fräulein Victorine's face puzzled me still more. It revealed a two-fold +nature, at once aspiring and sordid. Nothing could be more charming +than her large, mournful gray eyes, under delicate black brows, and her +little nose seemed to have been stolen from some Greek statue. But the +mouth belied this refinement of nature. Spite of her youth, it was +flabby and prematurely withered, and, even when it remained firmly +closed, one expected nothing to issue from it save commonplace and +repulsive words. Her little figure was the daintiest, and at the same +time the most perfectly rounded that could be imagined, and she +understood how to set off its charms in the best light.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first I was myself deluded as I watched her melting Madonna gaze +wander so disconsolately over the company, and read in it a touching +legend of lost youth and premature contempt for the world. But, as soon +as she began to whisper with her neighbor, an expression of coldness +and insolence rested on her face that was intensely repulsive to me.</p> + +<p class="normal">I will mention here the other members of the Round Table: A graybeard +of fifty, vigorous and stoutly built, in the dress of a workman, who +was introduced to me as stage-manager, machinist, and Inspector +Gottlieb Schönicke--a queer fellow, who told me the very next day that +he was a misunderstood genius, and, if he were only allowed to play +King Lear once, the world would perceive what serious injustice had +been done him for years; and his neighbor, a stout, plain, middle-aged +woman, who filled the office of a prompter, but was often pressed into +the service as an actress to play women of the people, Hannah in "Mary +Stuart," nay, if necessity required, even the mother of Emilia Galotti.</p> + +<p class="normal">All these worthy actors and actresses behaved during the meal like +mutes, and I thought I noticed that the presence of Frau Luise, whose +kindness they regarded as condescension, embarrassed them. The only +person whose manner displayed dignified ease was the manager himself, +who did not let the conversation drop, first discussing all sorts of +technical questions with the tall comedian, then turning to me and +asking minute questions about the present condition of theatrical +affairs in Berlin. I could not help secretly owning that he did not +lack culture and sound judgment; and a certain enthusiasm for great +models, whom he had studied on the stage, though it was expressed in a +somewhat sentimental manner, and rather too abundantly garnished with +classical quotations after the manner of actors, also did him honor. +Besides, he ate very little and very gracefully, and always offered his +wife the best pieces, which she declined with a blush.</p> + +<p class="normal">Frau Luise said little, devoted herself to the child, and thanked me +with a half smile for my services to him.</p> + +<p class="normal">When the delicious plums and early pears, that formed the dessert, had +been eaten, she rose from the table. A hasty "May the meal do you +good!" was uttered on all sides without shaking hands, and in two +minutes the whole company had dispersed. The manager, after again +kissing his wife's hand, beckoned me to accompany him. "I must first of +all take you into better company," he declaimed with his sonorous +laugh. "I drink my coffee every day at the club-house, where all the +rich dignitaries meet. You won't object to my taking your 'kinsman' +away from you, Luise?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She silently shook her head and dismissed me with an absent "Farewell."</p> + +<p class="normal">I should have infinitely preferred to stay with her and the little boy, +who had completely won my heart. But the actor had already passed his +hand through my arm, and now led me out. Nothing was more painful to me +than this familiar contact with a man whom I had cursed a thousand +times in my heart, and who was now treating me so kindly and frankly +that I could not even have stabbed him with Macbeth's imaginary dagger.</p> + +<p class="normal">We had scarcely reached the street, when he suddenly stopped, took off +his straw hat, and passed his large, well-shaped hand across his brow.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I am extremely glad that you have come, Herr Doctor," he said in a +subdued voice. "I don't grudge my wife a little agreeable refreshment, +such as a visit from an old friend affords.</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4">'She is a woman, take her all in all!<br> +We ne'er shall look upon her like again.'</p> +</div> +<p class="continue">But we will not conceal it from each other, she is not exactly in her +sphere among us. Her eloping with me was a piece of magnanimous folly, +which she does not repent, it is true, she is too proud for that, +and--" here he straightened his shoulders and replaced his hat on his +flowing locks--"and too happy in her marriage with me. Nevertheless, +she is an aristocrat, and the best among us have a drop of gypsy blood +in our veins. If she could have resolved to act--with her appearance, +her superb voice--I am sure that she would now be completely absorbed +by her new profession, and it would have been a great gain to me. But +nothing would induce her to do this. Now she sits alone during the many +hours that I am occupied, for the boy is a little aristocrat, too, and +so quiet--I would rather have had a girl, you know. Girls can be used +in the business much younger, and there is no such need of educating +them. Well, as I said, it is only for her sake--she is really a pearl +of her sex, and never complains. But I should like to see her shining +in a suitable setting. Posterity weaves no garlands for the actor, and +his contemporaries only too often twine for him a crown of thorns. +That they wound her forehead, too, is painful to me. I am really a +kind-hearted fellow. It is not true that genius makes people wicked and +selfish. You will yet be convinced of it."</p> + +<p class="normal">I replied that I should not have much time to become acquainted with +all his good qualities, as I intended to continue my journey the +following day.</p> + +<p class="normal">In fact, all these disclosures made my heart so sore that I wished +myself a hundred miles away.</p> + +<p class="normal">He instantly took my arm again and led me on. "We will discuss that +subject further. I will not impose any restraint upon you, but, you +know, temptation is really violence, and I think you will be able to +endure our society for a few weeks at least. Come to the theatre +tonight. It is not our worst performance. True, when I think of the +difficulties with which a traveling company must contend, and how +differently I might fill the office of a priest of art, had not envy +and intrigues forced me away from the great theatres--"</p> + +<p class="normal">Here he launched forth into descriptions of his former triumphs, to +which I listened with only half an ear.</p> + +<p class="normal">I remained only half an hour in the club-room, to which he conducted me +mainly to show the distinction he enjoyed among these worthy citizens. +His game of dominoes, at which I was merely a spectator, wearied me, +and his drinking three small glasses of rum to one cup of coffee +completely destroyed my dawning good opinion of him. I pleaded a +headache, which would not allow me to endure the smoke-laden atmosphere +of the room, and, as he was entirely absorbed in a conversation with +several enthusiastic admirers, he dismissed me without opposition by +one of his royal gestures of the hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">I sauntered in a very miserable mood through the little city and out of +the gate.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The day was beautiful, the air had been cooled by a light shower while +we were drinking our coffee, and the neighborhood of the little town, +with its fields and meadows dotted with fruit-trees, was well worth +seeing. But my mind was closed against the perception of anything +pleasant.</p> + +<p class="normal">I could not help constantly saying to myself: "So she lives here, with +this man, among these people! And she has before her a long life, which +can never again tend upward to the heights, but always downward, slowly +paralyzing the mind and soul."</p> + +<p class="normal">For the unruffled cheerfulness of her manner at the table had not +deceived me an instant. True, the life she had led in her uncle's house +was by no means what she deserved. Yet, in those days, amid all the +oppression, all the repugnance to so much that was base, her eyes had +sparkled with joyous pride, and her head was held proudly erect on her +strong shoulders. Now it drooped slightly as though under an unseen +burden, and her large eyes often wandered to the floor as though +seeking something that was lost.</p> + +<p class="normal">My grief for her was so intense that it even crowded the old passionate +love into a corner of my heart, especially as I had taken a solemn vow +to see in her only the wife of another. Nay, I believe, if I had found +her perfectly happy, with head erect and laughing eyes, I would have +uprooted the weeds of envy and jealousy from my poor soul forever.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, Uncle Joachim had said: "Whatever folly a woman like her may +commit, she will not allow herself to succumb to it." He knew her well. +But how much secret misery a human being may have to endure, even +though he or she "bears the inevitable with dignity."</p> + +<p class="normal">Absorbed in these thoughts, I had walked a long distance, and was +already considering whether I should not let the "Ancestress" go, and +find some pretext for taking my departure that very evening, when I saw +Frau Luise herself, with her little boy, approaching me by the shady +path that led through a wood. The child was frisking merrily around his +mother, but she walked slowly with bowed head, and seemed to answer his +questions very absently. She had put on a small hat that had slipped +back from her head, and a blue sunshade rested carelessly on her left +shoulder. She came slowly forward without looking up, until the child +noticed me, and with a sudden exclamation ran to her and seized her +hand; then, with a friendly nod, she paused.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first we talked of indifferent matters, the weather, the pretty +location of the city, and the superior fertility of the soil to that of +her native region. This brought us to the persons we had both known +there, and about whom she had been kept informed by Uncle Joachim. I +learned that my former pupil had been placed in the cadet barracks, and +that his sister was betrothed to Cousin Kasimir. Mademoiselle Suzon had +quitted the castle a few weeks after my departure, to return no more. +She passed quickly over this point, but a contemptuous curl of her +lower lip betrayed that she had been informed of the whole affair. A +young English lady had now taken the Frenchwoman's place; she did not +know whether she could play chess, but she seemed to fill her +predecessor's position satisfactorily in every other respect. Sometimes +the new pastor--the old one had gently fallen asleep in death--came to +the castle in the evening and held devotional exercises for an hour. +Everything else remained unchanged. The veteran peacock had spread his +tail for the last time the previous winter, and she was keeping some of +his feathers as a relic.</p> + +<p class="normal">Then for a time we relapsed into silence. The dear child walked gravely +along between us, holding a hand of each. When we came out of the wood, +we saw a meadow thickly besprinkled with autumn flowers. "Run, +Joachimchen, and pick a beautiful bouquet for Uncle Johannes," said the +mother.</p> + +<p class="normal">The child obeyed, climbing merrily over the little slope by the road.</p> + +<p class="normal">"He is so bright," said Frau Luise, "he hears everything, and already +understands more than is well, or at least has his little confused +thoughts about all sorts of subjects. And I must tell you something +that is to remain a secret between ourselves. I have never so +thoroughly despised any one from the depths of my heart as Uncle +Achatz, and it was a punishment to me even to breathe the same air. +When I came to his house--only a few months after my mother's death--he +had the effrontery to persecute me with offers of love. He wished to +get a divorce and marry me. You can imagine that I longed to go out +into the wide world then; but pity for my aunt, who is a saint-like +sufferer, withheld me. During those sorrowful years I learned that man +has no other source of strength and peace than his conscience, his love +of truth, and the quiet communion with his God, who, it is true, +answers us not when we chatter to him overmuch, but when we listen in +the deepest silence. He commanded me to interfere when a good and +innocent person was shamefully insulted in my presence. 'The measure is +full!' cried a voice in my heart. 'You must no longer breathe the air +of this house, where all human dignity is trampled under foot.' So I +did what I could not help doing. I knew I was undertaking no easy task, +and those who charged me with frivolity never knew me. Now, with God's +assistance, I will perform it. And he has given me something that has +helped me through many a trying hour and will aid me year after year."</p> + +<p class="normal">Her eyes wandered to the child, who had already gathered a handful of +flowers, and with sparkling eyes was holding them up to show them to +his mother.</p> + +<p class="normal">"The dear little fellow!" I said.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes, if I did not have him! He has never caused me a single sorrow. He +constitutes my entire happiness."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Your <i>entire</i> happiness, Frau Luise?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The question had scarcely escaped my lips ere I regretted it. What +right had I to tear the veil she had drawn over her fate?</p> + +<p class="normal">But she raised it herself.</p> + +<p class="normal">"No," she said, "you must not misunderstand me. The child is not the +sole blessing I possess, but he is really my only <i>entire</i> happiness. +You do not yet know my husband thoroughly. He is a noble-hearted man, +and would do anything for my sake, so far as he could anticipate my +wishes. But his profession makes him see the world in a different +light, and think other objects desirable. That is usually the case +between married people, and must be accepted. Have you ever or anywhere +found entire happiness? We must strive to receive the patchwork with +our whole souls, then the gaps will be filled, and, as the words run in +Faust, 'the insufficient becomes an event.' Stay with us a few days. +You will then judge many things differently."</p> + +<p class="normal">I did not know what to answer, but a cry of terror from the boy +relieved me from my dilemma. We saw him suddenly spring aside, stumble +over a clod of earth, and fall, still holding the flowers tightly in +his little hand. I was at his side in an instant, lifted him, and saw +that an ugly fat toad, which had jumped clumsily into the ditch, had +frightened him. He was still trembling in every limb, but already +smiled again and held out the bouquet to me.</p> + +<p class="normal">"His nerves are so sensitive," said his mother, as she smoothed the +little bare head. "If he could only be more in the open air. But all my +time is so occupied that I can scarcely manage to spend an hour out of +doors with him every afternoon. And his father lives so entirely in his +art that he does not see it."</p> + +<p class="normal">She became absorbed in her thoughts, while I walked by her side, +carrying the boy in my arms. He soon climbed on my shoulders and +pretended I was his horse, till his shouts and laughter even called a +smile to his mother's grave face.</p> + +<p class="normal">Just before reaching the city, we again walked decorously side by side. +I took my leave outside the house. Should I see her at the theatre? No, +she always remained at home and her husband went with his colleagues to +the club-room, so she could not receive me, but hoped to see me early +in the morning, or at any rate at dinner.</p> + +<p class="normal">I dared not at once bid her farewell forever; nay, I no longer believed +I should have the courage to set out on my return the next morning. The +child had won my heart.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">Of course I spent the evening at the theatre. The hall of the +Schützenhaus had been hastily fitted up, and for the first time I +admired Gottlieb Schönicke's skill in placing shabby and faded scenery +and properties in the best light. My free ticket admitted me to the +most desirable place, which consisted of three rows of rush-bottomed +chairs, but I purposely took my seat on one of the back benches where +the humbler folk, the tradesmen, and resident farmers of the little +town, gave themselves up to the enjoyment of the play. The house was +packed; the large receipts would have warranted a better illumination. +But it was the rule not to light more than eight lamps in the +proscenium and one on every other pilaster, and I must confess that the +illusion was more perfect than in the broad glare of the gas in the +theatres of the capital.</p> + +<p class="normal">I do not intend to deliver a discourse on the drama, and shall avoid +adopting the style of the countless romances of theatrical life, +especially as--apart from the external differences caused by the +changed methods of travel--the lives of these strolling players have +remained essentially the same since the days of Wilhelm Meister. +Besides, they are perfectly familiar to the world in general and +possess little interest. Only, for truth's sake, I must observe that +the "renowned" Spielberg company did honor to their name. Spite of +inadequate accessories and acting, the wonderful drama created by a +classically poetic imagination, still under the influence of romance, +exerted a fascination which even the lachrymose specter of Madame +Selmar, and the hypochondriacal, sepulchral tones of her husband, who +played Count Idenko von Borotin, could not destroy. Spielberg was a +superb Jaromir, and I now understood that his fervent chest-voice might +irresistibly charm the heart of a girl of twenty. In the scenes with +Bertha particularly--whose character, as personated by Fräulein +Victorine, had a touch of witchery--his tones possessed a pathos that +brought storms of applause from the audience which, however, on +appearing before the foot-lights, he acknowledged--as became so great +an artist--with merely a quiet bend of the head.</p> + +<p class="normal">During the performance his eye had discovered me in my dark corner, and +ere he left the stage he made a significant gesture as if to say, "I +expect to meet you again." But this was by no means agreeable to me. I +only hated him the more because he had extorted from me some degree of +admiration; besides, I longed to be alone in order to determine whether +to go or stay.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I let the audience quit the hall, that I might not be accosted, with +provincial courtesy, by any of the inhabitants who chanced to notice +that I was a stranger, and was the last of all to emerge into the open +air.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was a beautiful star-lit summer night, warm and still; the only +sound was the patter of the heavy dew trickling from the branches of +the trees in the Schützen Park. I paused outside, enjoying the same +sense of comfort we have while awake in bed between two dreams, in the +consciousness that we are still enjoying our bodily existence. Only the +day before yesterday I had been sitting on the bench in the parsonage +garden, beside the dear sensitive girl from whom the sudden outburst of +the flame of a hapless attachment had driven me, and to-day I was here +amid these totally unfamiliar surroundings, with the old fire once more +burning beneath the ashes, and must again save myself by flight if I +were not to perish utterly.</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw the actors, who meantime had changed their clothes and washed off +their rouge, emerging from a little back door, heard their loud +conversation, and once even the call for "Doctor Johannes." Then the +little group dispersed under the trees toward the city, and, after a +sufficiently long interval separated us, I too set out on my way home.</p> + +<p class="normal">Suddenly I heard a light footstep behind me, and a low, musical voice +said: "Are you in such a hurry, Herr Doctor, that you can't even look +round at a defenseless lady, far less offer her your arm and your +company?"</p> + +<p class="normal">At the same moment a hand was slipped through my arm, and by the +uncertain starlight I looked into Victorine's big, mournful eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I was belated," she said, "and now I am glad to still find a +companion. Besides, I should like to become a little better acquainted +with you, for at dinner, when the manager's wife is present, my mouth +feels as though it were sewed up. Come, you needn't be afraid that +anything will be thought of it, if we are seen taking this nocturnal +promenade. We sha'n't meet even a cat, and you probably care no more +what Mrs. Grundy thinks of you than I do."</p> + +<p class="normal">Her light tone, so strangely belied by her melancholy eyes, was +extremely repulsive to me: So I answered very coldly and a trifle +maliciously:</p> + +<p class="normal">"I only wonder that Herr Daniel leaves the knightly service to +another."</p> + +<p class="normal">"He!" she replied, with a short laugh, which, spite of her beautiful +voice, sounded very unmusical. "In the first place, he did not play +to-night, and was not even at the hall. And then, though he usually +pays me some little attention, we have had a quarrel to-day. You are +mistaken if you fancy he is in love with me. It's only old custom that +makes us keep together. His heart, such as it is, belongs to a very +different person."</p> + +<p class="normal">"May I ask--?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Why not? It is an open secret. He's infatuated with Frau Spielberg, +though she's such a cold fish that it always makes me shiver merely to +look at her. She behaves, too, as if he were not in existence, and when +he gets into a rage about it he pours out his whole heart to me, and it +does him good to have me laugh at him. That is our whole relation. +Perhaps I ought not to speak to you so frankly about it. You are her +relative, and of course revere her as though she were a saint. But I +can't help it; she is insufferable to me, with her Canoness airs and +woful face the instant the company begins to be a little merry, and one +or another goes a shade too far. She ought to have kept away from the +stage. But she felt her human nature once when she threw herself into +Spielberg's arms. Why does she put on her governess manner now?"</p> + +<p class="normal">As I made no reply--feeling disgusted by these blasphemies--she +chattered on, clinging still more closely to my arm.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You see, even you yourself can not defend her. She is a positive +injury to the manager. He used to be such a pleasant, courteous man, a +genuine artist. Now he, too, poses as a Philistine and tutor, all by +the orders of his aristocratic wife. She would prefer to have the whole +company live in the same house, like a great cloister, to be able to +continually watch over them. And most of them are cowardly or obliging +enough to submit to it. But Herr Daniel, Herr Laban, and my +insignificant self don't care for such an institution for small +children. We always lodge at the hotel, and so you have the honor of +being only three doors away from me; your room is No. 6, mine No. 2. I +hope we shall be good neighbors."</p> + +<p class="normal">I could not command my feelings sufficiently to enter into this light +tone, so I began to speak of something entirely different, and +praised--which I could do with a clear conscience--her acting that +evening.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Nonsense!" she interrupted, "you can't be in earnest; for, between +ourselves, I played abominably to-night, I was so vexed by the scene +with Daniel, whom I had been lecturing because he confessed his +jealousy of you. Besides, I hate such sentimental parts, which +unfortunately I have to play most frequently. Before I joined +Spielberg's company--I was still very young--I was very fond of acting +the merry little coquettes, the gayer they were the better, and best of +all were parts like those of Parisian grisettes. But the manager +thought my face exactly suited the heroines of tragedy, so now I am +continually obliged to moan and roll my beautiful eyes toward heaven, +as, for instance, to-morrow in 'Cabal and Love.' I have finally become +indifferent to it, and, after all, we learn to act best the characters +most unlike our own."</p> + +<p class="normal">I did not feel at all tempted to enter into a conversation upon the art +of acting and its higher demands with this girl. Meantime we had +reached our hotel, at whose open door the waiter received us with a +meaning face. I had evidently risen in his esteem, since I had the +honor of escorting the youthful leading lady home the very first +evening.</p> + +<p class="normal">On our way up-stairs she said: "I don't know whether I can venture to +invite you to drink a cup of tea with me. I should be obliged to send +you away in half an hour at any rate, for I must read over my part of +Luise Miller once more before I sleep."</p> + +<p class="normal">I excused myself, on the plea that I had a letter to write. She quietly +shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p class="normal">"As you please, Herr Doctor, or rather, as you must. I forgot that you +are a kinsman of Frau Spielberg. So good-night, and no offense!</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4" style="text-indent:-9px"> +'Thou'rt ill, ah, return,<br> +Return to thy room!'"</p> +</div> + +<p class="continue">she declaimed from the rôle of Bertha, then dropped me a mocking +courtesy and glided into the door of No. 2.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I ordered supper to be brought to No. 6, not because I was hungry, but +to show the waiter that I had not availed myself of the favor of this +envied neighbor. Then I stood a long while at the open window, gazing +out into the narrow street and at the opposite houses, the homes of the +worthy citizens who led their quiet lives so contentedly, without +dreaming of tempests like those that raged in my heart and brain.</p> + +<p class="normal">One light after another disappeared, the footsteps of some belated +pedestrian echoed less and less frequently from the pavement below; at +last no sound arose save the hoarse voice of the night-watchman calling +the tenth hour. The house, too, which was so slightly built that its +walls told every secret, had become perfectly still. I was just +unpacking my knapsack to make my toilet for the night, when I heard in +the corridor a stealthy step which stopped a few doors away from mine, +then a low knock, and after a short time a suppressed voice said, +"Victorine. Open the door! I have something to tell you!"</p> + +<p class="normal">Of course, I could not hear the answer. The colloquy lasted some time, +the request for admittance being several times repeated, sometimes in +urgent, sometimes in coaxing tones, ere the closed door opened and was +noiselessly shut again.</p> + +<p class="normal">The study of the rôle of Luise Miller would scarcely be pursued in +company.</p> + +<p class="normal">This incident had the effect of sending me to bed, firmly determined to +turn my back as speedily as possible upon a world to which I did not +belong. I woke in the morning with the same resolution, and only +hesitated whether I should be expected to take a verbal farewell or +might depart with merely a written one.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, while I was sitting at breakfast pondering over this weighty +question, some one knocked at my door, and a personage of no less +importance than Konstantin Spielberg himself entered.</p> + +<p class="normal">Though he had sat up till late in the night with several of the town +dignitaries and some of his colleagues, and had drunk a great deal of +liquor, he looked so fresh, so full of strength and cheerfulness, that +again I could not help admiring him. He first kindly reproached me for +having so slyly deserted him the evening before. It had been my own +loss; he would have made me acquainted with some very intelligent +people; and his colleague Laban's witticisms had been like a perfect +shower of fireworks. But I should be forgiven if I would do him a great +favor.</p> + +<p class="normal">"A favor?" I asked. "If only I have time to grant it. I shall leave in +half an hour."</p> + +<p class="normal">That would be impossible in any case, he answered, arranging his locks +before the mirror. I must see him that night as the President; it was +one of his best parts, though he had resigned Ferdinand to Herr Daniel. +But, if I really had any friendly feeling for him, I must help him out +of a great difficulty. The prompter was to play Luise Miller's mother. +Gottlieb Schönicke usually filled her place on such occasions, but +owing to his carouse the night before he had become so hoarse that he +could scarcely utter an audible word. So, if the performance was to +take place, I must consent to fill this part and accompany him to the +rehearsal at once.</p> + +<p class="normal">All reluctance and pleas of my unfitness for this responsible post were +futile. And as, in the depths of my heart, I had sought some pretext +for being <i>compelled</i> to stay, at least for one more day--ere I took my +leave, never to return--I finally allowed myself to be dragged away, +and half an hour later was standing behind the scenes with the +prompter's book in my hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">Tall Herr Laban greeted me very cordially, and told me he yet hoped to +see me appear in different parts. It was a pity to waste my gifts: +figure, play of expression, voice, and taste for acting, all urged me +toward the stage, and the company was in great need of new talent for +the characters which he himself, now <i>invita Minerva</i>--he pronounced +the words with a faultless accent--was compelled to fill, though Nature +had originally intended him for a comedian.</p> + +<p class="normal">Victorine gave me a careless nod, and studiously held aloof. Her friend +treated me with marked hostility, and was the only person who +constantly found fault with my prompting, for which the manager quietly +reproved him. Most of the members of the company performed their parts +at the rehearsal indifferently enough. Frau Selmar, however, personated +her Milford with a clear voice and through every shade of meaning, and +Laban gave an extremely clever performance of his Hofmarschall Kalb.</p> + +<p class="normal">Gottlieb Schönicke remained invisible. Whether he was sleeping off his +intoxication, or the story of his condition was merely a fiction to +induce me to act with them, I have never been able to determine.</p> + +<p class="normal">After the rehearsal the actors unceremoniously dispersed; the manager +had some arrangements to make in the dressing-room, and I was no little +surprised when allowed a glimpse of this holy of holies to find only a +single, tolerably large room, divided by a few screens and a sheet hung +over a rope, into two dressing-rooms, one for the men, the other for +the women. In the broad light of day all this disorderly collection of +mirrors, rouge-pots, and clothes-presses looked uncanny enough, and I +hastily beat a retreat. But, as I was passing through the empty +auditorium of the theatre, I saw with astonishment Frau Luise sitting +on one of the rear benches.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You here?" I exclaimed. "And absent yesterday evening? Do you attend +such unattractive rehearsals?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"I never go to the theatre during the evening performances," she +answered, rising. "I will not allow the suspicion that I do not +consider the acting of the company worth looking at, so I sometimes +come to the rehearsals, which also serves the purpose of enabling me to +call my husband's attention to many points when we are alone. True, it +is of little use," she added, with a resigned smile; "these second-rate +people, among whom we are placed, are the very ones that have an +exalted opinion of their own talent and knowledge of art. But I feel in +a certain sense responsible for the acting of my husband, who is a +genuine artist, and I know that my opinion is not a matter of +indifference to him.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Besides, dear friend," she added, after a pause, "you can not imagine +how lonely I am. So completely without society, except the company at +the dinner-table, I sometimes feel the necessity of sharing some sphere +of life, even though I might desire it to be a different one."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then she thanked me for having granted her husband's request, and we +left the theatre together. On our way, while she frequently glanced +back to see if her husband were not at last following us, I told her +that I had determined to continue my journey to-day, and now positively +intended to take my departure on the morrow.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You are right," she answered. "What should detain you here? You are +not fitted for these surroundings."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then, after a pause, she added: "Write to me if you change your +residence. I should always like to know where you are to be found, for +I have one earnest desire, which I have long secretly counted on you to +fulfill. When you have a parish, or a good wife, such as I desire for +you, I should be glad to put my son in your charge."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Do you intend to part with the child?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Yes, dear friend," she replied, her brows contracting with an +expression of pain. "How I am to bear it I do not know. But my +resolution is fixed. He must grow up in a perfectly pure atmosphere. +While he is a child, I guard him myself. But how long will that be? +Even now it is almost impossible for me to reconcile all my duties. +When I go to the rehearsals I am compelled to trust him to Kunigunde, +who is an excellent person, but does not always take the right course +with him, and he shall not accompany me to the theatre. It would be +worse than if I were to give him brandy to drink, instead of milk."</p> + +<p class="normal">Then we grew silent. "Poor woman!" a voice in my heart continually +repeated; "you are indeed lonely."</p> + +<p class="normal">Meantime we had returned to the town, and then something happened, +whose memory even now makes my heart throb faster.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we entered the courtyard of the commandant's residence, my +companion's first glance sought the windows of her room. She suddenly +grasped my arm as if to save herself from falling, and I asked in alarm +if she were ill. But, as I looked up, a thrill of horror ran through my +frame also. For at the open window I saw the child, who had climbed out +on the sill, clinging with one little arm to the sash and stretching +out the other toward a drooping chestnut bough, whose ripening nuts had +probably roused his longing. As in his eagerness he held one little +foot suspended in the air, he seemed fairly hovering aloft with but the +feeblest support, and an icy chill crept down my back.</p> + +<p class="normal">Suddenly I heard the mother say in her gentlest voice: "Wouldn't it be +better for me to get you the beautiful chestnuts, Joachimchen? You +shall have a whole handful, if you are a good boy and climb down again +at once. Do what your mother tells you, my darling. I am coming up +directly. Then you shall show Uncle Johannes how to make a chain of +chestnuts."</p> + +<p class="normal">The smiling boy looked down at us, nodded to his mother, cautiously +drew first his foot and then his arm back from the giddy height, and +quickly disappeared inside the dark frame of the window.</p> + +<p class="normal">My own heart had fairly stopped beating. When I could breathe again, I +wanted to tell my companion how much I admired her for having had +courage to repress any cry of terror that might have startled the +little one and perhaps hurled him to destruction. But the words died on +my lips, for the next instant she had thrown her arms around my neck, +and, with her face hidden on my breast, burst into such convulsive sobs +that I was forced to exert all my strength, to support the tall, noble +figure in its helpless emotion.</p> + +<p class="normal">She did not regain her self-control until we heard steps in the +gateway, then, still clinging to my arm, she hurried into the rear +building and up the stairs. "Not a word about it to anybody!" she +whispered. At the top she stood still, panting for breath, and passed +her hand over her eyes. At last she rushed to her room, on whose +threshold the child met her, and clasped her sole happiness in her arms +with a cry of rapture in which all the pent-up excitement of the +mother's heart found utterance.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, soon after, her husband entered, nothing but her unwonted pallor +and a tremor, which still ever and anon ran through her limbs, could +have betrayed to him that anything unusual had occurred. He, however, +in his jovial self-satisfaction, was so exclusively absorbed in +himself--having just purchased a new neck-tie which he meant to wear at +dinner--that he noticed no change in her. And there was no one else at +the table who took any special heed of her, except a young girl of +fourteen--the daughter of the Selmar couple--who had been too ill to +appear at dinner the day before. She went to Frau Luise, pressed her +hand affectionately, and anxiously asked if she were well. "Oh! +perfectly well," replied the happy mother, smiling, as she kissed the +girl's cheek and inquired about her own doings. The dinner passed off +very much like the one of the previous day, except that the manager +regretted he could not drink my health in a glass of wine as a token of +gratitude for my admirable prompting. But the rigid law of the +household prohibited all spirituous drinks until the evening--and he +cast a glance of comic terror at his wife.</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw that she found it difficult to maintain her assumed cheerfulness, +and when we rose her knees trembled. So I suggested in a low tone that +she should lie down for a time and trust the boy to me for the +afternoon. She assented with a grateful glance and pressure of the +hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, at the end of a few hours, I brought the child--with whom I had +formed the closest friendship--back to his mother, I found her sitting +by the very window at which she had gazed with so much horror. She was +still quiet and pale, like a person just recovering from a dangerous +illness, but I had never seen her look more beautiful and charming, and +felt that the duty of self-defense required me to take leave of her +now. I could not come to her room after the play, so we shook hands +without uttering what was oppressing each heart; I kissed the child, +for the last time as I supposed, and, in a mood well worthy of +compassion, left these two beloved beings expecting never to see them +again.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">When the evening performances ended, amid great applause--which most of +the company had honestly deserved, even Victorine, whose Madonna eyes +were obliged to make up for the deficiencies in her soul, while +Daniel's acting, in its fervent sensual vehemence, if it did not depict +the "German stripling," presented a very attractive young hothead--I +attempted to again slip out unnoticed, but was detected by the +manager's watchful eye, and, as tall Laban joined him, was helplessly +carried off between them and dragged to the club-room. Protest as I +might, Spielberg insisted upon treating me, and while doing so +presented me to his acquaintances in the little town with great +ceremony as a young dramatic student, whom he hoped to secure for his +own stage. Meantime, one bottle of doubtful red wine followed another, +and while I took a very moderate share I marveled at the celerity with +which the great actor emptied one glass after another at a single +draught, without the slightest flush appearing on his face. During all +this time his stories of various events in his theatrical career seemed +inexhaustible, and his frank delight in his own genius sparkled so +innocently in his eyes, that it was impossible to feel vexed with him +or avoid listening with a certain interest to his marvelous anecdotes, +as one would to the tales of the "Arabian Nights."</p> + +<p class="normal">At last the regular guests had all dispersed, even Laban had departed, +but the great actor still detained me and made a sign to the sleepy +waiter, upon which he instantly set a bottle of champagne upon the +table. "It's no-use, cousin," he said, in a sonorous bass voice, which, +it is true, now sounded a little husky; "we have a solemn act to +perform. I have vowed not to go to bed until I have drunk to a pledge +of fraternity with you in foaming sack. Come and pledge me! You are a +fine fellow, only you haven't yet found it out yourself. When you have +been in my company a few weeks, you will strip off the chrysalis and +wonder at yourself as your wings bear you from flower to flower. Even +if you often fly too near a light and scorch yourself a little, that is +better than your pastoral tepidity. Your health, my heart's brother! +Let us drink eternal friendship!"</p> + +<p class="normal">Spite of my intense reluctance, I could not avoid his cordial embrace. +Then he grew quieter, and, with apparent business-like gravity, began +to discuss the capacity in which I was to enter his company. He spoke +of new pieces its members were to study, the revision of older ones, +for which he himself lacked time, and finally of his plan for including +light operas in his repertory, for which he could not dispense with a +conductor.</p> + +<p class="normal">I listened without protesting, save by interjections and shrugs of the +shoulders. Meantime, he emptied the bottle almost alone and called for +a second, but I rose and resolutely declared I was going home.</p> + +<p class="normal">"A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" he cried, staggering to his feet. +"Virtue exists no more!" Then followed a torrent of classical +quotations in a voice that made the windows rattle. Yet his gait was so +unsteady that I hastily sprang forward to support him. When we were in +the dark street, he passed his arm around my shoulders and tottered +along the road like a blind man. "Say nothing to her about it, +brother," he stammered, "nothing about the champagne. She hates +champagne, though in other respects she's a good wife; it's pure +jealousy, ha! ha! She thinks my heart belongs to the Widow Clicquot--a +worthy dame, in truth, who never reads me a curtain-lecture, but +her purse must be filled with gold if we want to win her favor, ha! +ha!--and the father of a family, you know. Never get married, brother! +'Long hair, short wits,'" and he began to sing the champagne aria in +the midst of the death-like silence of the Goose-Market.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, with some difficulty, I at last succeeded in getting him up the +stairs to his lodgings, he became as still as a mouse, and trembled +from head to foot. "Don't tell her!" were the last words he whispered. +Then, forcing himself to stand erect, he gently opened the door.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Good-evening, my angel," he stammered, and was going up to her to +embrace her. She silently rose and looked at him with a sorrowful gaze, +which suddenly seemed to sober him. "Well, well," he said, "it's hardly +one o'clock--we don't act to-morrow--I've done a good business, too, +haven't I, cousin? He'll stay with us, sweetheart; I've engaged him as +dramatist and conductor, at a monthly salary of twelve thalers for the +present--that will please you, I think. But now good-night, cousin! I'm +perfectly sober, only I couldn't tell the town how one becomes +President. So I'm going to take a long sleep, for the torture of the +day was great."</p> + +<p class="normal">Amid all the confusion of his brain, he still retained sufficient +chivalrous courtesy to take his wife's hand and kiss it. Then he +staggered through the side door into the sleeping-room, and we could +hear him fall on the bed without undressing.</p> + +<p class="normal">I cast a hasty glance at his wife, who stood gazing into vacancy.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Good-night, Frau Luise," I said. "You will see me again to-morrow."</p> + +<p class="normal">"To-morrow?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Certainly. To-morrow, and every day until you yourself send me away. +Perhaps I may yet make myself useful here--though not as conductor."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">After that night I no longer led my own life.</p> + +<p class="normal">My existence seemed only valuable when I made myself a slave, soul and +body, in Frau Luise's service, coming to her aid wherever her own grand +and lofty strength failed.</p> + +<p class="normal">In reality I was making no sacrifice by this self-abnegation. For, +as I have already confessed, my own aims and purposes had vanished, +as a light on which a nocturnal traveler depends suddenly proves a +will-o'-the-wisp, and flickers into a marsh mist. I felt averse rather +than inclined to enter a pulpit, and I had not sufficient love or +talent for any art or science to induce me to devote my life to it. +Clearly, as though written on the wall by some spectral hand, the +sentence stood before me: "You are a mediocre man from whom the world +has nothing to hope in the way of happiness or enlightenment. Rejoice +if some good human being can warm his hands by your little flame."</p> + +<p class="normal">I also perceived the correctness of my opinion by the fact that this +discovery, instead of wounding me, created a sense of peace I had +hitherto lacked. Rarely have I awaked in a mood so joyous, feeling as +it were new-born, as on the morning after I had placed myself at the +service of this noble woman. And the difficulties in regard to my +former occupation which still embarrassed me were to be dispelled in +the simplest way.</p> + +<p class="normal">With my breakfast a letter was brought in, which had been forwarded +from the estate I had left, as I had said I should remain in this place +for several days. A former fellow-student, a very admirable and +intelligent man, wrote that some weakness of the throat compelled him +to give up his profession as a preacher. Until he could determine how +to shape his future life, he desired to seek a position as tutor in a +family, and begged me to aid him as far as possible. I instantly wrote +to my employer, informing him that I could not return to his house for +reasons which at present I could disclose to no one, but which he would +certainly approve if I could ever confide the whole truth to him. At +the same time I proposed in my place the college friend, for whose +character and education I could amply vouch.</p> + +<p class="normal">I took leave of him and his whole family, who had become so dear to me, +and requested him to send my property to me except the books, which I +would leave for the present in my successor's care. Then I wrote a few +cordial lines to my friend the pastor. As I added the farewell message +to his dear daughters, the sorrowful face of the eldest again appeared +before me in the most vivid hues, and her earnest eyes seemed to say: +"You do not know what happiness you are losing."</p> + +<p class="normal">But I was proof against any temptation to return.</p> + +<p class="normal">Early that very morning I hurried to Herr Spielberg's rooms. He +received me in a Turkish dressing-gown, with his brightest face, and, +when I inquired how he had slept, answered, laughing: "You probably +expected to find me a quiet fellow, cousin. But you must know that +champagne and I are on the best of terms. When we do fall out, however, +champagne always gets the worst of it; or to quote Julius Cæsar:</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4" style="text-indent:-9px"> +'We were two lions litter'd in one day,<br> +And I the elder and more terrible.'</p> +</div> +<p class="normal">"But, good-morning. I hope you haven't slept off overnight what we +arranged yesterday. How much salary did I promise you? I don't +remember. But I won't play the rogue to you at any rate."</p> + +<p class="normal">I told him that I would remain only on two conditions: first, that I +should have entire liberty to do nothing except what I felt competent +to accomplish; and secondly, that there should never be any question of +wages. I had saved enough, during my three years as a tutor, to live +without earning anything for a time.</p> + +<p class="normal">He made no reply, only shook his ambrosial locks thoughtfully and +struck my shoulder with his hand, like a prince accepting the homage +and service of a vassal. Then he called his wife, who was in the +adjoining room, dressing the boy.</p> + +<p class="normal">She entered with her usual calm expression and, avoiding my eyes, held +out her hand. The boy ran to me and threw his arms around my neck. +"What do you say, dear," cried the artist, "he has really determined to +stay. Of course, it is solely on your account, for he would not throw +up his profession for my sake. Well, I hope you will treat him kindly.</p> +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4" style="text-indent:-9px">'This lad--no angel is from sin more free,<br> +Craving thy favor, I commend to thee.'"</p> +</div> + +<p class="normal">With these words he rose, smiling, leaving me to decide whether the +quotation referred to my character of Fridolin, or to Joachimchen, who +expressed great delight on hearing that Uncle Johannes would take him +to walk immediately.</p> + +<p class="normal">After her husband had left the room, Luise came to me and said in a low +tone: "I can not approve your decision, Johannes. But I am so weary +that I have not the strength to combat it."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I shall avoid giving a minute description of the time that now +followed. No one can feel disposed to pursue the destinies of such a +strolling company, the alternations of good and evil fortune, or the +coming and going of its members, in greater detail--nay, even for +theatrical history the list of its plays would have no value, as it was +not at all regulated by the spirit of the time, nor even by the +fashion, but patched together from new stock and shabby rubbish, as +chance and the difficulties of stage-setting permitted.</p> + +<p class="normal">During the first few months the enterprise remained in about the same +stage of prosperity as I had found it. Then, by the withdrawal of the +Selmars and their charming daughter, it fell several degrees, soon rose +again by advantageous engagements, and then declined in consequence of +our worthy stage-manager's being made helpless for months by a fall +from a high scaffold. These fluctuations corresponded with the ebb and +flow in the cash-box, and, but for the wise economy of the manager's +wife, there would often have been a failure in the payment of salaries. +But the name of Spielberg always possessed sufficient attraction to +fill the house tolerably well, and make amends for the recreant +members. The most faithful were those from whom I should have least +expected loyalty--Laban, who, with all his apparent frivolity and +jesting, felt a sincere and warm reverence for Frau Luise, and the +young couple, whose stay, it is true, was due to less honorable traits +of character.</p> + +<p class="normal">How they were to regard me, and in what manner my position as dramatic +"maid of all-work" was to be interpreted, at first caused them much +perplexity. They soon learned that I was not working for money. My sole +pecuniary profit consisted in my paying no board, as Frau Luise would +not permit any other arrangement, and occasionally, when lodgings for +all could be hired, I was not allowed to pay for my sleeping-room. In +return, I made myself as useful as I could, coached green beginners in +their parts, sometimes stood at the side-scenes or crouched in a +subterranean box with the prompter's book in my hand, copied parts, +arranged plays so that ten characters could be compressed into six, and +only drew the line of my services at the one point of obstinately +refusing to undertake to act any part, no matter how trivial.</p> + +<p class="normal">At first they attributed this to arrogance, of which, spite of his +unassuming helpfulness, they credited the "doctor" with a large share. +But, after I had once told them that I cherished too lofty an idea of +art to sin against it by bungling work, I rose no little in their +esteem, and even Spielberg, who never ceased saying that I was a genius +in disguise, let me alone.</p> + +<p class="normal">The suspicion that I was following the company as a secretly favored +admirer of the manager's unpopular wife had of course at first +suggested itself, even to the better natures among them. But the calm +irony with which the great artist crushed all allusions to such a +relation did not fail to produce its effect, as well as the perfectly +unembarrassed demeanor of the suspected woman herself, and my own +Fridolin countenance, which expressed anything rather than the secret +triumph of a favored lover.</p> + +<p class="normal">And, indeed, I was not on a bed of roses.</p> + +<p class="normal">Not to mention that I was forced to purchase the happiness of being +daily in her society, and making myself indispensable to her by a +hundred little services, at the cost of witnessing her suffering, +which, it is true, she bore like a heroine, but which nevertheless +constantly consumed her strength and youth--it was a most painful thing +to be compelled to witness her husband's steady progress toward the +ruin to which the unfortunate man opposed less and less resistance. At +first I had endeavored not to lose sight of him after the play was +over, striving--in the outset with mild, afterwards with the most +earnest remonstrances--to recall him from his fatal passion. As he had +a gentle, yielding nature, I succeeded several times in doing so. But +Daniel, who with fiendish cold-bloodedness played the part of his evil +genius, soon made him disloyal to his best resolves and vows, so, at +the end of a few weeks, I was forced to let the evil pursue its course.</p> + +<p class="normal">For a time the leonine constitution of which he boasted resisted the +effects of his nocturnal debauches, at least so far that no traces of +them were visible the following morning. Then, in the consciousness +that he stood in need of forgiveness, he was courteous and affectionate +throughout the day, like a little boy who fears punishment, and paid +his wife all sorts of charming little attentions.</p> + +<p class="normal">But as his weakness gained more and more control, and his nervous +strength began to fail, he no longer took any trouble to deceive us +about his condition, and instead of showing repentance and +embarrassment, after spending half the day in bed suffering from the +effects of his intoxication, he tried to conceal his evil conscience +under an air of boastful defiance, and bluntly declared that genius +required great stimulants, and need not be restrained by Philistine +rules.</p> + +<p class="normal">Of course, with such irregularities, which soon became the rule, no +firm, careful management of the company was possible. By degrees all +business cares and responsibilities were shifted to my insignificant +self. It was enough if the sick lion crawled out of his den an hour +before the performance, rolled his bloodshot eyes in front of the +mirror, and then made his somewhat husky but all the more tragic voice +resound through the theater till the puzzled spectators left the house +with the acknowledgment that he had "roared well" again, and no one +could easily outdo him in shaking his mane.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nevertheless, in this disorder, the company lost its power of +attraction more and more, and were obliged to change from place to +place more frequently, and these numerous journeys increased the +expenses and demoralized the members. I did what I could to stay the +ruin, and, besides a silent clasp of the hand from the woman I loved, I +was rewarded by the confidence and devotion of most of my colleagues. +Only two, who watched the mischief with quiet malice, showed me their +aversion more openly, the more honestly I tried to save the tottering +car of Thespis from breaking down.</p> + +<p class="normal">These two, of course, were Daniel and Victorine.</p> + +<p class="normal">For a long time the cause of their evident dislike was a mystery to me. +For the insolent young fiend could not long suppose that he had been +supplanted in the favor of the object of his secret worship by the +faithful squire, and his publicly-acknowledged sweetheart, disagreeable +as she was to me, I treated with the utmost courtesy. The real purpose +of both, and the reason I stood in their way, did not dawn on me until +afterward.</p> + +<p class="normal">Daniel's passion for the pure and proud woman was of the nature of +those feelings with which fallen angels survey their former heavenly +companions. He could not forgive her being so unapproachably far above +him. To drag her down, gloat over her humiliation, take vengeance for +the coldness with which she passed his hellish ardor by--this was the +diabolical idea that haunted him day and night. He well knew it was +madness to hope for its attainment so long as our wandering life +pursued its usual course. But, if everything were thrown into +confusion, the husband utterly ruined, the wife overwhelmed by poverty +and despair, he relied on conquering the helpless woman, and, with +Satanic energy, grasping her when mentally broken down as his sure +prey. Whoever strove to check this development of the tragedy he could +not fail to hate.</p> + +<p class="normal">He had such power over Victorine that she shared this mood--though the +infernal plot affected her too. Besides, I had made her forever my foe +by remaining wholly indifferent to her charms. I will pass over the +proofs I might bring forward, not because I am ashamed of my <i>rôle</i> of +Joseph, but, even without this, I shall have occasion to speak of +myself more than is agreeable to me.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I should have led no enviable existence, had not Heaven itself provided +some consolation and strengthened my heart.</p> + +<p class="normal">Whenever we settled for a few months in one of the larger cities, I +always obtained a piano, which was placed in Frau Luise's room, or, if +there was no space there, in the dining-room--she still maintained the +rule of having the meals in common, though the Round Table constantly +dwindled--and here we passed our only hours of pure, unshadowed +happiness. For, when she sang and I accompanied her, the narrow walls +seemed to expand, the earth, with everything base and unlovely it +contained, to sink beneath us, while we ourselves floated in a sunny +atmosphere where everything was harmony and peace, love and hope, and +every wound that bled secretly healed at once as though touched by the +hand of some enchanter.</p> + +<p class="normal">We did not permit ourselves this delight daily, only on Sundays and +when, for some reason, there was no acting. The boy, meantime, sat in a +little chair and never turned his eyes from his mother while she sang; +or I took him on my knee while I played the accompaniment, and he gazed +wonderingly at the keys. At last I began to give him a few lessons on +the piano, and was amazed to see how easily he understood everything. +Oh, that child! He became more and more the one unalloyed delight of my +life, for unmixed happiness in the society of his mother was impossible +for me.</p> + +<p class="normal">Afterward, during my long life as a teacher, I had an opportunity to +observe many hundred boys, and to this companionship I owe a thousand +pleasures. But neither before nor after did I ever meet a child like +Joachimchen.</p> + +<p class="normal">He was no prodigy in the usual acceptance of the word. No technical +talent, no intellectual gift developed with extraordinary power or +precocity, and, even in music--the only instruction I began in his +sixth year to give him regularly--he made no remarkable progress. +But the quality this young creature possessed to a far greater degree +than other children of his age, was the subtlety and accuracy of his +mental perceptions, by which he infallibly distinguished truth from +semblance--a, if I may so express it, moral clairvoyance which enabled +him to give the most striking opinions of persons and things without +any precocious conceit. No trace of child-like vanity, no desire for +praise, marred this innocent faculty of his soul. He was like a clear +mirror, which reflected in their real outlines the images of everything +that surrounded him. Any one whom he loved was sure to be pure and +good; for everything base and sordid, though it approached him under +the most flattering guise, instantly repelled him.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yes; there was a well-spring of cheerfulness in this little human being +which, in proportion to the delicacy of his physical condition, became +the more refreshing to him and those who best loved him. His thoughtful +views of the world, and the luster of the large eyes in the little +palid face, would have roused our anxiety, had not shouts of mirth +often issued from the narrow chest, while even in his quieter moments +there was no trace of sickly peevishness or weariness. The little +naughtinesses, almost invariably seen in an only child who is deeply +loved and spoiled, were foreign to his nature. A sign, a word would +guide him. It was only in the society of other children that I +frequently perceived a shade of reserve and fretfulness in his manner, +so I persuaded his mother not to force him into their companionship. On +the other hand, he was all the more vivacious, even to the verge of +ungovernable delight, when we took him out to walk. He chased all the +butterflies, made friends with all the little dogs he met, and, mounted +on a hobby-horse, galloped along, swinging his little riding-whip. +Everybody loved him, though he was very chary of his caresses. He was +shy only with his own father.</p> + +<p class="normal">Often at dinner--the only time he spent a whole hour with him--I saw +him fix a watchful gaze upon Spielberg, just when the latter in his +most radiant mood was pouring forth high-sounding speeches about art +and artists. The boy never uttered a word, though often, to the delight +of the others, he made one of his quaint, penetrating remarks to some +member of the company. Never, either to me or his mother, did he +mention his father's name. But the latter, whose face always beamed +with the consciousness that he was impressing every one, evidently +avoided meeting the child's eyes, and, when he felt their gaze on him, +became so confused that he often hesitated in the middle of a sentence +and lapsed into silence. I do not remember, during all the time that we +lived together, a single instance when he showed the boy any +tenderness, or troubled himself in the least about him.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I had agreed with Frau Luise that, on account of the child's delicate +constitution and sensitive nerves, he ought to be guarded from all +mental excitement, though he was now six years old, an age when +children usually begin to Study the alphabet and primers. To train him +in the use of his hands, I gave him easy lessons in drawing, which he +greatly enjoyed, let him practice daily half an hour on the piano, and +sing with his clear little voice intervals and simple songs. During our +walks I told him Bible stories, which, whatever may be thought of their +historical value, ought--as the most venerable traditions from the +earliest days of the Christian world--to be given every child for his +journey through life, as well as the fairy lore of our nation.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet I was obliged to limit even this elementary instruction, because +the boy's unusually vivid imagination transformed everything which was +intended merely to serve for amusement into solid food for his mind. +For instance, he became as much excited over the history of Joseph and +his brothers as a grown person would have been by a novel. I directed +his thirst for knowledge exclusively to natural objects, so far as my +defective education in this department permitted, and everything seemed +to be going on admirably when a slight attack of fever roused our +anxiety.</p> + +<p class="normal">The company had settled in one of the larger cities on the shore of the +Baltic, where they were doing an excellent business. So the plan of +instantly departing, and perhaps breaking up the threatening disease by +a change of climate, could not be entertained. Besides, the physician, +whom the mother questioned, did not consider the case serious, +attributed all the symptoms to the child's rapid growth, and prescribed +a different diet and certain strengthening measures which seemed to +have a good effect.</p> + +<p class="normal">We had formerly divided the care and training of the boy in such a +way that he was never left a moment without his mother or myself. +Now she would not allow me to take her place except for an occasional +half-hour, and even at dinner remained in her room, while we were +served by Kunigunde. For a long time she had given up the sleeping-room +to her husband's sole use, and contented herself with an uncomfortable +couch made up every night on the sofa, while the child's little bed +stood close by her side.</p> + +<p class="normal">He could not be allowed to see the condition in which his father +usually returned at midnight.</p> + +<p class="normal">One morning she received me with an anxious face. Joachimchen was +reluctant to leave his bed, complained of headache, and did not want +his breakfast. The doctor, whom I instantly summoned, soothed her as +much as he was able. The fever had not increased, perhaps some childish +disease was coming on, which would produce a favorable change in his +whole physical condition. He prescribed some simple remedy, and we felt +a little relieved.</p> + +<p class="normal">He became no worse in the evening. But I had told Spielberg that I +could not perform my duties that night, and, as the play had been acted +hundreds of times, I really was not needed behind the scenes.</p> + +<p class="normal">When at ten o'clock I felt the pulse of the child, who was lying in an +uneasy slumber, I thought there was no occasion to fear a bad night, +and persuaded his mother to lie down in order to save her strength. I +would sit up a few hours longer, as I had some alterations to make in a +new play, which was then creating a sensation--I believe it was the +"Son of the Wilderness"--in order to adapt it to the scanty strength of +our company.</p> + +<p class="normal">My room in the private house where we had taken lodgings was on the +same floor as the manager's, and I could be summoned by the faintest +call. But for several hours everything remained quiet, and I was just +thinking that I might venture to go to bed when I heard the drunkard's +heavy footstep on the stairs. He had wished the sick child a good +night's rest, with evident sympathy, and even now seemed to remember +that he must enter softly. Nor did it surprise me that he did not go +directly to his own sleeping-room as usual, but gently raised the latch +of his wife's door. He wants to inquire how the boy has rested, I +thought.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had just closed my book and was preparing to retire for the night +when I heard the door of Frau Luise's room thrown open, Spielberg's +voice faltering unintelligible words, and shrill moans and cries for +help from the boy which sent a thrill of terror through every nerve. +But I had no time to reach my door, for at the same instant it was +flung wide open, and the unfortunate mother, clad only in the white +dressing-gown in which she was in the habit of lying down when +Joachimchen needed any special care, darted in, her face death-like in +its pallor, holding the wailing child in her arms.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Protect us! Save the child!" she cried, with a terrified gesture, and +as she rushed to my bed, drew back the curtains and hastily laid the +boy, whose slender frame was convulsed with sobs, on it, she whispered, +with a glance of intense fear: "He will follow us! Bolt the door! O, +God, this too!"</p> + +<p class="normal">She had thrown herself on her knees beside the bed, clasping her +darling's quivering form closely in her arms, pressing her lips to the +little pale face, and murmuring in confused words that he must be +quiet, nobody would hurt him or his mother, he had only been dreaming, +now he must go to sleep again, and his mother and Uncle Johannes would +stay with him all night.</p> + +<p class="normal">The child did not cease moaning, struggled into a sitting posture in +her arms, and cast an anxious glance around the room as if he feared a +pursuer. And in fact some one knocked at the door, but very timidly, +and, as none of us answered the request to open it, silence followed, +and we heard the steps retire and the door of Spielberg's room open and +close.</p> + +<p class="normal">But there was no improvement in the child's condition. He tossed +convulsively to and fro, his eyes rolled without any sign of +intelligence, and his face burned with fever.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I will get the doctor, Frau Luise," I said. "I hope it is only a +crisis." She made no reply, but gazed fixedly at the little one's +distorted features, and endeavored by her embrace to control the +convulsions that shook the slight frame.</p> + +<p class="normal">We found them still in the same state when I at last brought the +physician.</p> + +<p class="normal">The worthy man, who felt the most sincere reverence for the poor +mother, made every effort to conceal his alarm. When, after a few +hours, during which he had watched the very trivial success of his +remedies, he took his leave, promising to return early in the morning, +and I lighted him down the stairs, he pressed my hand with a heavy +sigh. "Poor woman!" he said. "The child does not suffer at all; it is +not conscious. But how the mother is to bear--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"So you have no hope--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"There is inflammation of the brain, more severe than I have often +witnessed. But nature is incalculable. Do you know how it happened that +his condition changed for the worse so suddenly?"</p> + +<p class="normal">I answered in the negative. It was not until long afterward that I +learned what had occurred in the brief interval between the father's +entrance and the mother's flight.</p> + +<p class="normal">Spielberg had returned home with a clearer head than usual. When he +entered his wife's room, she half arose from the sofa and laid her +finger on her lips. By the light of the dim night-lamp he approached +the child's bed, softly touched the little sleeping face, gazed at it a +short time, and then turned to his wife, whispering: "He is doing +admirably." She merely nodded, and when, in an impulse of his old +tenderness and sympathy with her anxiety, he held out his hand, she +kindly returned the clasp. He sat down on the edge of the bed and told +her in a low tone that the play had been much applauded and the +receipts large. When she asked him to go to rest, as talking might +disturb the child, he answered that he was not tired, but felt inclined +to have a short chat with his beloved wife. When she shook her head, he +moved nearer, and, putting his arm around her, begged her to go into +the next room with him for a little while. It was so long since they +had had a confidential talk, and there was rarely time for one during +the day. The more he urged, the more firmly she declined, till he +finally threw both arms around her and whispered: "If you don't come +voluntarily, I will use force! You are my wife!"</p> + +<p class="normal">Then, as she resisted with desperate strength, he fairly lifted her up +and was carrying her away, when a shriek from the child's bed suddenly +made him loose his hold. The boy was sitting up, staring with dilated +eyes at the nocturnal scene, and stretching out his little arms as if +to aid his defenseless mother. The next instant he had sprung from the +bed, climbed on the sofa by his mother's side, and, thrusting his +father away with his little clinched hands, screamed: "You sha'n't kill +my mother! Go away! You sha'n't hurt her!--" till, exhausted by terror, +the chivalrous child succumbed to a severe attack of fever.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The boy lay in the same condition all night, without a single interval +of consciousness. We had not removed him to his own little bed; my +room, situated at the end of the corridor, was quieter than his +mother's. Neither of us left him. His father had come in early in +the morning, but, as he found the child apparently calm and received +only curt answers from his wife, who did not vouchsafe him a single +glance, he soon went away again. For the first time his unshadowed +self-complacency had deserted him. He hung his head like an unjustly +accused criminal before the judge, whom he can not hope to convince of +his innocence.</p> + +<p class="normal">The physician had returned very early. He uttered no word of +discouragement, but his troubled face, after he had examined the child, +so oppressed my heart that I could not even venture to ask a question. +But when I went out with him he pressed my hand, whispering: "If he +survives the night--but we must be prepared for everything."</p> + +<p class="normal">The actors, who were all very fond of the little fellow, stole to the +door, tapped gently, and asked me for news of him. The only one who +entered the room was Daniel. He bowed silently to Frau Luise, and then +stood a long time at the foot of the bed; but, after a hasty glance at +the little invalid, he fixed his glowing dark eyes on the mother, who, +still robed just as she had fled to me yesterday, sat beside the child, +now hovering between life and death. At first she took no more notice +of the intruder than of anything else that was passing around her. +Suddenly she seemed to feel his scorching gaze, and looked up; the +blood crimsoned her pale cheeks, and she flashed a single glance at the +man she so detested. His head sank, as if he had been struck by an +arrow, and he glided on tiptoe out of the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">Victorine alone did not appear. She had never showed any affection for +the child, and, besides, was to have a benefit that night, for which +she wished to freshen her costume by many little devices.</p> + +<p class="normal">No one thought of dinner. Kunigunde brought Frau Luise some food, which +she did not touch. I myself hastily swallowed a few mouthfuls in the +kitchen. Spielberg, who after the rehearsal had again inquired for the +child, went to the hotel with the others.</p> + +<p class="normal">So the evening approached. The boy's condition remained unchanged, +except that the fever increased, and every remedy used seemed +powerless. After a bath, however, which the doctor himself helped to +give, he seemed somewhat quieter, and lay still and pale in my large +bed, the dear little face only occasionally distorted by a slight +convulsive quiver.</p> + +<p class="normal">The father entered in street dress. For the first time his wife looked +at him, and her lips parted in a question--her voice sounded hoarse and +hollow after her long silence.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Are you going to act to-night, Konstantin?"</p> + +<p class="normal">He went up to the child and touched its pale forehead.</p> + +<p class="normal">"He is better. His forehead is perfectly cool. I will come back as soon +as the play is over."</p> + +<p class="normal">"He is <i>not</i> better. If, meanwhile--"</p> + +<p class="normal">She could not finish the sentence.</p> + +<p class="normal">He looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and turned away to hide the +tears the unhappy mother's voice brought into my eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"If I could be of any assistance here," he said, hesitatingly; "it +costs me a hard struggle to leave you, but you will find that the night +will pass quietly, and to-morrow we shall be relieved of all anxiety."</p> + +<p class="normal">"To-morrow!" she repeated, dully. "You are right; to-morrow we shall be +relieved of all anxiety."</p> + +<p class="normal">Turning abruptly away, she bowed her face on the pillow of the little +boy, whose chest was beginning to heave painfully.</p> + +<p class="normal">The artist had already gone to the door, but stopped, saying: "Since +you prefer it, I will give up the performance. I am so agitated that it +would be a poor piece of acting; and then--if he is really--no, it is +better so. They must do as well as they can. Farewell!"</p> + +<p class="normal">I felt how deeply each one of these careless words wounded her. But no +sound or look betrayed that she was conscious of anything save her +maternal anxiety.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet--when, half an hour later, a boy brought a note in which was +scrawled in pencil, "I had entirely forgotten that it is Victorine's +benefit. Unfortunately, it has been impossible for me to induce her to +give me up, and, besides, we have a very crowded house. Let us bear the +inevitable with dignity. Konstantin"--I saw by the gesture of loathing +with which she crushed the sheet and flung it into the corner, that the +wife possessed a vulnerable spot as well as the mother.</p> + +<p class="normal">Still she uttered no word of comment, and the next moment seemed to +have entirely forgotten it.</p> + +<p class="normal">For the brief armistice produced by the bath had expired. The last +struggle began. It lasted only a few hours, then all was over. The +brave little heart had ceased to beat.</p> + +<p class="normal">The mother sat like a statue of despair beside the bed, holding the +little white hand, which no current of blood would ever again warm, and +gazing fixedly at the closed eyelids and livid mouth distorted by pain +that would never more utter any merry words. It was as still around us +as though the night was holding its breath, in order not to rouse the +mother's agonized heart from its beneficent stupor. I had thrown myself +into a chair in a dark corner, and felt as though I were sinking deeper +and deeper into the bottomless abyss of the vast enigma of the world.</p> + +<p class="normal">From time to time I was forced to struggle with the temptation to rise, +go to the poor woman, fall on my knees before her, and plead: "Keep +your heart firm that it may not break. If you follow him into the +grave, I shall perish too."</p> + +<p class="normal">But I conquered this selfish impulse. What mattered what happened to +me! What mattered anything, since this child no longer breathed!</p> + +<p class="normal">The window stood open, the still night air--it was early in June--stole +into the room, but, as the house stood in a quiet side street, rarely +bore with it the sound of a human voice or a passing footstep. The play +must be over, and, with silent indignation, I expected to see the +artist return home to-night in the same condition as yesterday. But I +had done him injustice.</p> + +<p class="normal">His footstep echoed from the street below as firm and full of stately +majesty as when he trod the boards in his most exalted characters. +Beside it was another, which I should instantly have recognized as +Daniel's elastic tread, even had not his voice been audible also. The +words were unintelligible. But he must have been telling some amusing +story, for his companion's resonant laugh interrupted him several +times. They did not cease talking till they reached the door of the +house.</p> + +<p class="normal">His wife started at the sound of the laugh, and rose. The little +lifeless hand slipped from her clasp. She passed her other hand over +her brow and her lips moved, but I did not understand what she was +saying, and I only saw that her eyes were sullenly fixed on the floor.</p> + +<p class="normal">Her husband entered softly. "O, God!" he exclaimed, as he glanced at +the bed. "It is over!" He pondered a moment to find something to say to +his wife, then with a deep groan went to the boy and was about to bend +over him. But he started back as the mother suddenly stood before him, +with her tall figure drawn up to its full height.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You shall not touch him," she said, in a harsh, hollow tone. "Go, at +once--we have nothing more in common with each other. May God forgive +you for what you have done! Go, go!" she repeated, in a louder tone, +as he made a gesture of entreaty--"I will not bear one word from +you--here--by this bed--in this hour--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Luise!" he exclaimed wildly.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Hush!" she replied sharply, "I pity us both, you as well as myself. I +know you do what you cannot avoid. But go, go! Something is rising in +my soul--something terrible. If I should see you before me longer, +poor--comedian, I might utter words I should repent to-morrow."</p> + +<p class="normal">Spielberg tottered out of the room. But, as soon as he had closed the +door behind him, his wife sank down beside the couch of her dead child, +and a convulsive sob burst from her sorrow-laden heart.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">(Here in the manuscript follow several pages, in which a detailed +account is given of everything that happened during the next few days. +After so many years, every little circumstance was still present to the +narrator, and his grief for the boy, his sympathetic insight into the +soul of the hapless mother, burst forth with such renewed strength that +he felt a sorrowful relief in again conjuring up, incident by incident, +these melancholy recollections. But we will not take up the thread +again until after the earth has closed over the little coffin, which +was wholly concealed under the garlands bestowed by the actors and some +kind people among the inhabitants of the little town. The mother, who +could not be prevented from walking in the funeral procession, had +watched with tearless eyes, as if they were "burned out," her "entire +happiness" placed in the grave--the father had displayed a pathetic +emotion, whose extravagance touched no one. The next evening a comedy +was again played, and the great artist did not miss a word of his +part.)</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">The fortunate star of the renowned company of artists seemed to have +vanished when the child's eyes closed.</p> + +<p class="normal">The audiences at the theater daily diminished, two of the most useful +and indispensable members broke their contract and left the manager +in great embarrassment, he himself, after having exerted some little +self-control during the first period of mourning, plunged still more +madly into his nocturnal carouses, and, when I earnestly remonstrated, +asserted with tragic affectation that he had no other means of drowning +his grief. Recently he had even smuggled a bottle of strong liquor into +the dressing-room, contrary to his own rule, prohibiting the use of +wine or spirituous drinks of any kind during the performances. So it +happened that he sometimes declaimed his lines with a stammering +tongue, and lost the last remnant of his authority over his company and +effect upon the public.</p> + +<p class="normal">I watched the increasing trouble with deep anxiety; but the mute +abstraction in which the unhappy wife passed her days tortured me still +more. At last I ventured to speak to her on the subject, and it seemed +as though she had only been in an apparent death-trance, which was +broken by the first tender word, the first touch of a friend's hand.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I thank you, Johannes," she said, and for the first time her dull eyes +grew wet with tears. "You are right, I must try to control my grief. It +is not death which has clutched me in his bony arms and stifled every +breath. Life, dear friend, is far more cruel; I cannot break the chains +and bonds in which it has fettered me. But even a convict who drags an +iron ball by a chain must perform his task. It was cowardly and +childish to neglect my daily duties. Only have a little patience with +me; I will hold up my head again."</p> + +<p class="normal">From that moment she resumed all her duties to the company, managed the +money matters, kept an eye, with Kunigunde's assistance, on the +wardrobe, sent the members word that she would again provide the +dinner, and only shrank from one thing--occasionally attending a +rehearsal as usual.</p> + +<p class="normal">She again treated every one pleasantly, but never spoke a word to her +husband except when he addressed her. Her misfortune had drawn the +members of the company nearer to her; the women, especially, showed her +many little attentions, except Victorine, who held aloof as before, and +no longer even appeared at the Round Table.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, when darkness came, she always went to the graveyard and remained +there an hour alone, declining even my companionship with a silent +shake of the head. But we met each other several other times when she +was returning home, and walked silently side by side, absorbed in the +same thoughts, which needed no utterance. I only remember that I once +asked her how she could reconcile this pitiless blow with God's +fatherly kindness. She stopped and, raising her tearful eyes to heaven, +answered:</p> + +<p class="normal">"Never for one moment have I doubted him. Spite of all the burdens that +weighed upon me, I was the most blessed among women, and God is wise +and just. He lets the tree of no earthly happiness grow into heaven. +But, for the very reason that he took the child from me, I know that he +has not deserted me. If he had left him to me, and he had some day seen +with his innocent eyes the ugly world around us as it really is, and +been permitted only the choice between scorning it or becoming akin to +it, who knows what he would have decided, and either course would have +made both him and me wretched. Now I have buried him here in my heart, +in all his purity and loveliness, and may love him forever, far better +and more fervently than when I still clasped him in my arms. And, +though this love is full of sorrow, neither time nor fate has any power +over it, and for this I thank God, whom I always know near to me when I +go down into the depths of my own heart and feel the dear child living +on there."</p> + +<p class="normal">What answer could I have made? My whole philosophy became pitiful and +humble before the pious trust of this strong soul. She received the +news calmly, when one day at table her husband said that they would be +obliged to change their residence. The receipts were miserably poor, +and he had had an invitation from the magistrates of the next town on +the coast to give a series of plays, lasting several weeks.</p> + +<p class="normal">As he spoke, he cast a side-glance at his wife, as though fearing she +would object to leave the place where her child lay buried. He had long +since fallen into the habit of discussing no subjects, when alone with +her, except those required by absolute necessity.</p> + +<p class="normal">To his surprise she simply assented. Even, when, three days after, we +departed and I drove through the gate in the same carriage with her and +the worthy lady whose young daughter played the <i>ingénues</i>, while +Spielberg, with Daniel and Victorine, formed the rear-guard, she had +strength enough to give no sign of the emotions which must have +assailed her in parting from the little grave.</p> + +<p class="normal">But the hopes with which we had struck our tents were not to be +realized. Just at that time a panic occurred in commercial circles that +made itself felt in the seaport no less than in the large North German +commercial towns. People kept their pockets buttoned, and even the +renowned artist could not open them.</p> + +<p class="normal">He became so irritated by this state of affairs that, to punish the +ingratitude of the age, he intentionally hid the light of his art under +a bushel, and played his parts with such haughty negligence that even +the few patrons of the theater, who had known his reputation, shook +their heads, and transferred their favor to the less famous members +of the company. Victorine was the admiration of the young merchants; +the <i>ingénue</i> previously mentioned turned the heads of the older +school-boys; Daniel, whose acting, even when most negligent, always had +its interesting moments, found favor with the critics in the two local +papers--yet, nevertheless, the receipts were so small that the company +would have been compelled to disband had not Frau Luise's wise economy +provided a reserve fund for such contingencies. She paid the salaries +as regularly as ever, and kept the wardrobes and other requisites in +decent order, without receiving any special thanks from any one.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I myself was entirely out of funds. Two and a half years of this +wandering life had devoured my savings, I could scarcely be seen in my +shabby clothes, and, though protected from any anxiety about food, had +not even the small amount of pocket money required for trifling wants, +so that I was sometimes seized by a mood of despairing melancholy, and +should undoubtedly have been up and away some day had I not known how +indispensable I had become. If I left the company, everything must +go to ruin. I could tell myself, without vanity, that the breach of +my--unwritten--contract would be equivalent to fracturing an axle in +the car of Thespis.</p> + +<p class="normal">Moreover, was I not bound body and soul to this woman, considering +myself transcendently rewarded if she held out her large, firm hand to +me in the evening and said, "Good-night, dear friend!"</p> + +<p class="normal">Still, these miserable circumstances oppressed me more and more, and +one day, when I met in the street a college friend who meanwhile had +had a prosperous career, and while on a business journey had come to +our Pomeranian coast, I bore his look of compassionate surprise with a +bitter laugh, and willingly accepted his invitation to share a bottle +of wine with him that evening at his hotel and make a general +confession.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had made no confession for years, and it was months since a drop of +wine had moistened my lips. So only a single glass was needed to lure +from me an unreserved acknowledgment of my wretched plight.</p> + +<p class="normal">There was but one thing I carefully concealed--the strongest chain that +bound me to this miserable existence, my mad, hopeless love for this +woman. Yet, had the hand of a god suddenly aided me to tear myself +free, what could I have done with my liberty? To what occupation in +civil life should I have found the door open, I, a runaway Candidate of +theology, who had not disdained to play the part of factotum to a +company of traveling actors for two years and a half.</p> + +<p class="normal">So when, toward eleven o'clock, I took leave of my former comrade, we +were no wiser concerning my future, and what I had to hope and fear +from it, than in the beginning.</p> + +<p class="normal">He had told me, with a shake of the head, that there must be some love +affair in the matter, and correctly understood my shrug of the +shoulders. But, as he had been to the theater the night before, he +seemed undecided between Victorine and the young <i>ingénue</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Let me sleep over the affair," he said at last, as he went out into +the hall with me--we had had our wine in his chamber, as there was +much noise and confusion in the public room below--"I sha'n't see you +to-morrow, because I must leave very early, but I will write as soon as +a good idea occurs to me."</p> + +<p class="normal">I pressed his hand and thoughtfully descended the stairs. In going up, +two hours before, I had seen in the public room below Luise's husband +and several actors, among them Daniel, who was inseparable from the +manager. Meantime, eleven o'clock had come, but they had not yet +separated, and I wished at any cost to avoid meeting them. But, just as +I was stealing softly past the door, it was thrown open, and my friend, +tall Herr Laban, staggered out, supported by one of the younger actors. +Both were in the gayest humor. "Look there, look there, Timotheus!" he +shouted, laughing. "Where the deuce hast thou been hiding"--he always +used 'thou' to me--"while we have been seeing the most capital farce +played here? You have missed a great deal, I can tell you, Doctor; and, +in not saying good-night to your traveling friend over our heads, you +have stood very much in your own light. Isn't that so, Juvenil?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The young man laughingly agreed that it had been a splendid joke--no +comedy of errors had ever amused him so much.</p> + +<p class="normal">I tried to pass on with some careless remark, but Laban seized my arm +and, while we helped him down the last steps, began to tell me the +story in his comical way.</p> + +<p class="normal">They had drunk several glasses when Daniel began to boast of his talent +for imitating living persons, and instantly gave several proofs of this +ability by copying the voice and gestures of the landlord and some of +the regular guests, to the delight of the whole company. Spielberg +alone had sat in his heroic grandeur, looking on with an air of +contemptuous dignity, and finally remarked that such monkey tricks, +which dazzled the public, were easy, and besides found their limits in +certain figures whose majesty rendered them, as it were, unapproachable +for mimicry. Did he include himself among them? the insolent fellow +asked, and, when the great man nodded silently, he laid a wager that he +would personate him so exactly that he would hardly know whether it was +himself or his double. They ordered a bottle of champagne, and then +Daniel led the manager into the next room. After a short time the door +opened again, and Spielberg strode in. Everybody asked whether Daniel +was not ready or had given up his wager. "That young man promises much, +and does nothing save to make fools of honest Thebans," was the reply, +after which he approached the table with his stately walk, shook the +bottle in the ice and exclaimed: "A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" +Then they first discovered that it was Daniel, and not the great actor +himself, and even then it was only the little hand he owes to his +Polish blood that betrayed him. But, just as there was a general burst +of applause and laughter, the door again opened and a second Daniel +appeared, in a gray summer suit and Polish cap, with his cat-like tread +and feminine movement of the hips, so that the uproar and clapping of +hands grew louder than ever--for nobody had ever imagined the manager +possessed such a talent. This, however, was merely the beginning of the +farce. Each continued to play the character of the other: Daniel in the +belaced velvet coat, with straw hat pulled over his forehead, toasted +his image, amid constant quotations uttered in his resonant voice, and +Spielberg, with all the Harlequin tricks the other was in the habit of +using on the stage, never let the laughers stop to take breath, so that +each of the two had won and lost the wager. But, when they had broken +the neck of the second bottle, Daniel suddenly became silent, went to +Spielberg, and whispered something which made the manager look puzzled. +But his double seized his arm and led him out. When after a long time +they did not return, we asked for them, and the waiter said that after +whispering together for some time the two gentlemen had left the hotel +arm in arm.</p> + +<p class="normal">I do not know why I could not laugh at this amusing trick. But I +hastily took leave of the two actors, whose room was on the top floor +of the hotel, and, in a most uncomfortable mood, passed out into the +street just as the clock in the nearest church-steeple struck eleven. +Though I felt no inclination to sleep, a strange anxiety urged me +homeward, as if I were expected there.</p> + +<p class="normal">My way led through the street in which the other hotel stood. Here +Victorine and Daniel lodged. And just as I glanced at the door of the +house I saw the fellow--whom I easily recognized by his dress--ring the +bell and, directly after, with a greeting from the porter, cross the +threshold. But what thought occurred to me? Was that really Daniel--or +was it his double in his clothes? And, if it were the latter, what was +he doing in that house, where Victorine was now probably waiting for +the <i>other</i>?</p> + +<p class="normal">However, I had no time to ponder over this idea, for the question +suddenly darted through my brain: What has become of that other, the +false Spielberg?</p> + +<p class="normal">Suspecting some deviltry, some base trick, I rushed through the +deserted streets to the house where Frau Luise lived, and I, too, had +my modest room in the upper story. She was in the habit of sitting up +late with some piece of sewing or a book, usually alone, for faithful +Kunigunde closed her eyes at nine o'clock. As I hastily drew out my +night-key I noticed that the door, contrary to custom, stood half open. +I did not take time to shut it again, but, with trembling hands, +lighted the little pocket-lantern, which must illumine my way up the +dark stairs, and rushed on. But I had not yet reached the landing on +the first story when I heard Frau Luise's deep tones, and then saw her +facing her husband--no, his double, who, with his straw hat on his head +and his coat flung open, slowly retreated before her, his ardent dark +eyes fixed with an indescribable expression on her face.</p> + +<p class="normal">Frau Luise was holding a little lamp in her left hand, and had raised +her right threateningly against the scoundrel, her face, whose waxen +pallor usually formed a striking contrast to her mourning dress, was +flushed with the crimson hue of wrath, and her eyes shone with a +strange, supernatural luster.</p> + +<p class="normal">"You will leave this house at once and the city tomorrow," I heard her +say. "You are the most contemptible of human beings, and what you have +presumed to do merits a bloody chastisement. I am a woman, and must +leave it to my husband to avenge this insult as he deems best. But, if +you should ever have the effrontery to appear before my eyes again--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Pardon me, madame," he interrupted--and, though he endeavored to +appear entirely nonchalant, I detected in his tremulous voice that he +did not feel entirely at ease while confronting this haughty figure--"I +beg a thousand pardons; I did not imagine you would take an innocent +jest so tragically, especially as your husband saw no offense in it. We +had laid a wager that I could personate him exactly. The final and +hardest test, of course, was whether his own wife would recognize me. +Well, at first you certainly believed me to be Herr Spielberg, and were +not undeceived until I took the liberty of embracing you--doubtless a +husband's kisses are less ardent than those of a lover, who for two +years has yearned to even once press his lips upon a mouth which never +had aught for him save contemptuous silence. Though I have lost my +wager, the kiss that betrayed me is abundant compensation, and so, +fairest of women, I have the honor--"</p> + +<p class="normal">He was not to have breath to finish the sentence. For, in a fury I had +never experienced before, I rushed upon the miscreant, seized him by +the chest, and, tearing off his hat with the other hand, shook him by +the hair till his sneering face wore an expression of mortal terror, as +I dragged him to the stairs and would have flung him down heels over +head, had he not by a sudden movement, lithe as a young panther, +escaped from my grasp, and, thrusting me aside, glided down the dark +stair-case, muttering an imprecation between his set teeth.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">We heard him shut the door of the house and, in the fear of pursuit, +hurriedly lock it. Then, in the death-like stillness that again +prevailed, we looked into each other's eyes to see if it were possible +that we had actually experienced this, or whether some dream had +conjured up the same vision before both. I saw her tremble as if some +unclean beast had clutched her in its claws. A quiver of wrath and +loathing contracted her brow and lips. "I thank you, Johannes," she +said. "But excuse me, I must go in now and wash myself. O, Heaven! all +the perfumes of Arabia--but no, we can only be sullied by our own evil +thoughts. Do not you think so, too?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She turned away and carried the lamp back to her room again. I followed +her to the threshold.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I asked, "will you let me shoot the rascal down like a +mad dog? Or do you consider him worthy to receive his punishment in an +honest duel?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"You must do nothing to him," she answered in a hollow tone. "If, +as I still hope, it is false that another person knew of this knavish +trick, it is that other's business to avenge the insult that was +offered to him even more than to me. To-morrow will decide this. It is +late now--you must leave me--I must wash my face and the hands that +touched the scoundrel, even to push him away."</p> + +<p class="normal">I shut the door, and sadly mounted the stairs to my room.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">It was useless to think of sleeping. Not only because the detestable +scene I had just witnessed still hovered before my eyes, but because I +expected every moment that the other would return home, and wished to +be ready in case his wife should need my assistance.</p> + +<p class="normal">True, she was strong and brave enough to defend herself against any +insult or injury. But who could tell in what state of recklessness, +stung by his evil conscience, that "other" would confront her.</p> + +<p class="normal">At any rate he delayed long enough. The <i>rôle</i> of double, which he +played so admirably, seemed to have found an appreciative audience in +the depraved girl for whom he was enacting it, or perhaps she had +entered into the deception with malicious satisfaction in order to +wound the noble woman she hated.</p> + +<p class="normal">I heard the clock strike the hours--midnight, one, two. Then, without +undressing, I threw myself on the bed and shut my burning eyes, but my +ears remained open and watchful. Scarcely half an hour had passed when +I heard a lagging step approach along the pavement below, and in an +instant again stood at my window. Yes, it was he. By the gray light of +the summer sky, I could distinguish the Polish cap, the loose coat, and +the white hands which hastily rummaged his pockets for the key of the +house door. But it was in the other suit of clothes, now worn by the +double. The criminal who had shut himself out of the peace of his own +home stood for a time gazing up at the windows, behind which he +doubtless saw the glimmer of the night-lamp. Ought you to go down, open +the door for him, and pour forth to his face all you think of him, all +the wrath you have so long pent up concerning his sins against this +woman, the tip of whose little finger he is unworthy to kiss? No, I +thought. Let him suffer for his sin. It is only a pity that this isn't +a winter night, and he is not obliged to stand barefoot in the snow +until broad daylight.</p> + +<p class="normal">He? He would have been likely to undertake such a penance! After twice +calling, in a tone of assumed piteousness, "Luise!" he took off his +cap, passed his hand over his waving locks, then pressed the little fur +cap low over his forehead, and turned defiantly to seek the place from +which some pitiful remnant of remorse had driven him.</p> + +<p class="normal">I uttered a sigh of relief, opened the window, and cooled my heated +face. At last I sought my couch, and toward morning really fell asleep.</p> + +<p class="normal">My slumber was so sound that I was first roused by a very loud knocking +at my door. When I opened it, Kunigunde was standing outside, and +requested me to come down to Frau Luise. "Has your master returned?" I +asked the faithful creature.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Of course. But not until nearly nine o'clock, when my mistress had +gone out to make some purchases. He seemed to know that she was not at +home, for he did not even ask for her, but shut himself up in her room +for a while, and then went away without leaving any message. But I saw +a letter lying on the table, which the mistress read as soon as she +came in, and then sent me up to you."</p> + +<p class="normal">The good old woman was evidently troubled, and, in spite of having gone +to rest so early, seemed to have heard enough of the nocturnal scene to +pity her honored mistress.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, following close at her heels, I entered Frau Luise's room, I +found her sitting on the sofa beside a table, with the letter lying +open before her.</p> + +<p class="normal">She nodded to me with an absent look, and said in an expressionless +tone: "Sit down and read this, Johannes; the end has come."</p> + +<p class="normal">I took the sheet and hastily glanced over it. The letter was not short, +and was written precisely in Spielberg's usual style, lofty, adorned +with rhetorical ornaments, interspersed here and there with a quotation +from Schiller. He saw that by yesterday's occurrence--of which, though +without any evil intent, he had been the cause--he had forfeited even +the last remnant of her love. So it would be better for him to go +voluntarily into exile, and not return until he could meet her with new +renown and in an assured position. True, what are the hopes, the wishes +on which man relies? But he trusted to his star. She would lose all +trace of him for a time, but he hoped he should afterward be able to +repay her for what she had suffered through him. He closed by thanking +her for her generous tolerance of his weaknesses. Genius was no easy +companion for a life-pilgrimage--and similar high-sounding words.</p> + +<p class="normal">In a postscript, he begged her to pardon him for having appropriated, +in order to execute his plan, the reserve fund she had so carefully +saved. He left in exchange, at her free disposal, the whole <i>fundus +instructus</i>, scenes, costumes, requisites, and theatrical library; she +might either sell them or continue the business. In the latter case, +Cousin Johannes would assist her.</p> + +<p class="normal">Then followed a pathetic farewell, another quotation, and the +signature, with an elaborate flourish: "Ever your own Konstantin."</p> + +<p class="normal">I probably looked like a person who, while eating raspberries, suddenly +bites a wasp. For, as I silently laid down the letter, she said +soothingly: "It has moved me very little. This must have happened +sooner or later, and it is fortunate that it came now. Believe me, I +feel perfectly calm, and am sincerely grateful to him for not having +sought a personal interview. I am like a person recovering from a +severe, insidious disease, a little weak, it is true, but I shall no +longer be terrified by the hideous visions with which the fever +tortured my brain."</p> + +<p class="normal">"What do you intend to do?" I asked at last.</p> + +<p class="normal">"My duty, so far as I can. True, I am as poor as a church-mouse. But +the others must not suffer."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I said, "I know that you were formerly too proud to +summon your guardian to give an account of his management of your +property. But now, in such necessity--"</p> + +<p class="normal">She smiled bitterly. "Too proud? My dear friend, I should not have been +too proud even at that time to claim my rights. But, as you know, where +there is nothing, even the Emperor cannot assert his rights, far less a +poor Canoness who eloped with an actor. My uncle squandered the last +shilling of my mother's property. Would you have me turn him out of +house and home by appealing to the law? But let us say no more about +these detestable things. Fortunately I paid the members of the company +their monthly salary only a few days ago. As the business is now broken +up, they are in a pitiable plight, for where can they obtain a new +engagement in midsummer? So the <i>fundus instructus</i> must be sold as +quickly and as profitably as possible, and meantime be pawned. You will +do me this one last favor, dear Johannes. I have another little plan, +too. Why do you look at me so wonderingly? Surely you did not suppose +that all this would find me unprepared. I have long expected something +of the sort. Weak as he is--but we will not speak of him."</p> + +<p class="normal">She now explained her intention of obtaining, by means of a concert in +the theater, a considerable sum for the benefit of the orphaned +company, which, bereft of the manager and "the others," could give no +more performances. By these "others" she meant Daniel and Victorine. +While out of doors she had met an actor, who excitedly asked whether +she knew that the couple had just gone on board an English merchant +vessel lying in the harbor. He did not say that the manager was with +them, but the wife did not doubt it for an instant, and therefore knew +what she should find when she returned to the house again.</p> + +<p class="normal">She would herself appear and sing at the concert, she continued. She +knew that there would be a full house, for her misfortune, of course, +was now in everybody's mouth, and, as she had always kept out of sight, +curiosity and perhaps a better feeling would urge many to see and hear +the woman who had led so strange a life, and must now reap what she had +sown. She did not fear the eyes of strangers. It was a misfortune that +her heart had prompted her to entrust her life to the keeping of one +who was unworthy, but neither a disgrace nor a crime. So she would +appear, with head erect, before a cold, malicious world, and not a note +would falter in her throat.</p> + +<p class="normal">She had not expected too much of her own powers. When she appeared on +the stage, in a plain black dress, with a little black veil wound +around her golden braids, and every eye in the densely-crowded house +was fixed upon her, I saw--I was sitting at the piano to play her +accompaniments--her face flush for a moment. But its natural hue +instantly returned, and she sang her aria from Orpheus, several +melodies from Iphigenia in Tauris, and Mignon's song composed by +Beethoven, with such power and simple beauty that it seemed as if the +tempests of life which had stirred the inmost depths of her soul had +only served to bring the flower of her art to still more superb +development.</p> + +<p class="normal">The effect was so profound and overwhelming that a storm of applause, +such as had never greeted even the finest scenes of the great actor, +shook the theater.</p> + +<p class="normal">She bowed modestly, with a sad smile that won every heart. When, in the +waiting-room, I congratulated her, her face clouded. "Hush," she +whispered hurriedly. "Would you tell the victim, about to be offered as +a sacrifice, that the garlands are becoming?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The other parts of the programme, two comic soliloquies by Laban, and +some of Schiller's ballads recited by our <i>ingénue</i>, were well +received. When I accompanied Frau Luise home, I held in the box under +my arm a very large sum received from the evening's entertainment.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we reached her room, I wished to give her the money. "No," she +replied, "henceforth you must be the treasurer. I shall make but one +stipulation--that you do not entirely forget yourself, but share +equally with the rest. With foolish generosity you have spent all your +savings in order to retain a laborious situation here, for which you +received neither thanks nor payment. What do you intend to do now?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"That will depend upon you, Frau Luise."</p> + +<p class="normal">Her eyes sought the floor, then, raising them to mine with an +indescribably tender glance, she said:</p> + +<p class="normal">"No, my friend, we part this very day, this very hour. You need have no +anxiety about me. I shall not pine away and die. You know that I am +very strong, or how could I have endured everything?--and, as I am no +longer a Canoness, I must not shrink from a little labor. But you must +try to return to the life from which your friendship for me has torn +you. Promise me that, after you have attended to the last details of +business here, you will go back to your old profession, if not as a +clergyman, as a teacher, or in some scholarly occupation. I will watch +your course from a distance. You will promise, will you not?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I stammered, "do you wish to banish me? Do you not +know--"</p> + +<p class="normal">"I know all, my friend; you need not add another word. And I also know +that I love you with all my heart, and therefore it is better for us to +part. A woman whose husband has vanished is not free to choose--surely +you understand that. And I will suffer no stain upon my name. You will +remain my friend, as I am yours. And to seal this, I will now, in +bidding you farewell, affectionately embrace you and give you a +sister's kiss. Your lips, my faithful friend, shall restore the purity +of mine, which yesterday were desecrated by a scoundrel."</p> + +<p class="normal">With these words, she embraced me, and for one brief, blissful moment +her warm lips pressed mine in a pure and tender caress. Then, with a +low "Farewell, my friend," she gently pushed me out of the door.</p> + +<p class="normal">The next morning, when I woke from sorrowful dreams, and was hurriedly +dressing, some one knocked at my door. Kunigunde entered and, with many +tears, told me that her mistress had driven away at dawn in a hired +carriage, telling nobody her destination, and leaving for me a farewell +and a little package.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was a sealed paper. When I opened it, out fell the gold chain on +which she used to wear around her neck the locket containing her +mother's picture.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2>III.</h2> +<br> + +<p class="normal">Several weeks have passed since I wrote the last lines. When I laid the +sheet in the portfolio--a music portfolio Frau Luise had left, and in +which I usually kept some of the airs from Glück's operas arranged for +the piano--I was startled by the bulk of the MS., and asked myself: +"Will any one have patience to read all this? And why should you add to +it?"</p> + +<p class="normal">Ah, if you were a professional author, and, instead of a truthful +narrative of the life of the woman so dear to you, could transform her +fate into a genuine romance, skillfully blending fact and fiction, or +if you at least possessed the gift of describing these experiences in +hues so fresh and vivid that no one could help finding her as charming +as she is to you! But you are only a clumsy, simple chronicler of +events, and the man for whom you intend these records will smile at the +<i>labor improbus</i> you have bestowed on so superfluous a work and at your +innocent idea that you were thereby doing him a favor.</p> + +<p class="normal">Well, I then thought, even if you are only pleasing yourself by again +conjuring up your old joys and sorrows, what harm is there in that? He +can let the avalanche of MS. you hurl into his house roll quietly aside +with the others the mail brings to importune him. Who compels him to do +more than cast a compassionate glance at it?</p> + +<p class="normal">But, if he forgives the lonely man his volubility, and eats through +this biographical mountain, as Klas Avenstak ate through the hill of +pancakes, he must expect that I shall not defraud him of the end, +especially as the early close the gods decreed to Luise's life was +spiced with much that was sweet, to compensate for many bitter things +in her previous destiny.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I will summon courage to again take up my pen, endeavoring, however, +to be as brief as possible, especially in the incidents which concern +my insignificant self.</p> + +<p class="normal">Therefore I will say nothing of the state of mind in which I spent the +first few days after my friend's secret departure. Fortunately I had a +number of disagreeable affairs on my hands, was forced to attend to the +questions, complaints, business, and reproaches of the deserted company +of actors, undertake the distribution of the money and provide for the +sale of the <i>fundus</i>, which latter affair was settled more quickly and +profitably than I had feared. Frau Luise's destination was as little +known as the distant shore to which the great artist had shaped his +course. So I took a sorrowful leave of my colleagues, who, with the +exception of the three oldest members, Laban, Gottlieb Schönicke, and +the good prompter, who grieved sincerely for the vanished woman, seemed +to be tolerably consoled by the considerable sum that fell to the share +of each, and, as I was far too sad at heart and dull of brain to form +any sensible plan for the future, I sent my trunk to my native town, +strapped my knapsack on my back, and wandered through Pomerania and the +Mark to my old home. I believe that during those eight or ten days I +did not have one sensible thought, for the Orpheus aria constantly rang +in my ears:</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<p class="t4" style="text-indent:-9pt">"Alas, I have lost her,<br> +All my happiness is o'er!"</p> +</div> + +<p class="normal">It will be considered perfectly natural that the news of my return +excited no special rejoicing in the small provincial town, and no one +felt impelled to kill a fatted calf to do honor to the Prodigal Son. At +first I kept out of the way as much as possible, since wherever I +appeared I was stared at as though I were some wild animal just escaped +from a menagerie, or, still worse, shunned with evident fear of +contagion, being regarded as a dangerous sinner who, lured by the lust +of the world and the flesh, had exchanged the preacher's calling for a +dissipated vagabond life among jugglers and strollers.</p> + +<p class="normal">One old friend, however, who meantime had become principal of the +highest public school, treated me with his old cordiality, listened +sympathizingly to the account of my fate, and, as I was absolutely +penniless, offered me temporary shelter in an attic room in his little +house. Ere long, spite of my antecedents, he succeeded in getting me +the position of teacher of singing to the three lower classes, as +the old chorister was daily growing deafer. When he became wholly +incapable of further service, the three upper classes were also +transferred to me, and, after having conscientiously done my duty for +several years, and meanwhile showed by my irreproachable conduct that I +was not the Don Juan and demon of darkness rumor had pronounced me, I +was advanced--partly in consequence of the services of my dead father, +whose memory was still honored--to the position of teacher of geography +and history, in which I was often reminded of the time when I had +related the same beautiful stories to my little pupil and his haughty +sister.</p> + +<p class="normal">My kind fellow-citizens had pardoned my past--nay, with the feminine +portion of the population, it merely helped to surround the commonplace +fellow I was and am with that halo of impiety which is usually more +attractive to the weaker sex than the most beautiful aureola of +unsullied virtue. Many very estimable mothers of marriageable daughters +greeted me in the street with an encouraging glance--nay, there was no +lack of efforts to tempt me to their houses, especially after a small +legacy, which I inherited very unexpectedly, enabled me, with my modest +salary as a teacher, to establish a quiet home of my own. Even my +friend and present colleague gave me numerous well-meant hints--Heaven +would rather provide for two than for one, and so would the fathers of +the city. But I answered all such admonitions with a smile and a shrug +of the shoulders. How could I have been such a scoundrel as to deceive +an innocent, unsuspecting girl by letting her suppose a heart free +which had long been firmly bound?</p> + +<p class="normal">The ten years I spent in this way were joyless and desolate enough. I +had lost my taste even for the society of men; foolish political +discussions and standing local jests had no interest for me, and I had +never cared for any game of cards except the one with which such +beloved memories were associated. So I spent the evenings in my lonely +room, and used the money I saved from gambling and drinking for the +purchase of books, though the volumes were wholly different in +character from those I had inherited from my dear father. Besides the +newest philosophical works, I ordered novels by English authors, among +whom Thackeray was my special favorite, while Dickens seemed to me a +sentimental mannerist, striving for effect, who had no correct ideas of +women. But I will leave this part of my life and hasten on to the main +subject.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">One Wednesday afternoon in March--I had no school, but a furious +snow-storm prevented my taking my usual walk into the country--some one +knocked at my door, and an old woman, on whom I had never set eyes +before, hobbled into the room. She was almost out of breath, for, as +she said, she had come from the alms-house at the opposite end of the +town, and the wind had almost blown her away. She drew from the folds +of her thick shawl a crumpled note, in which was scribbled in pencil:</p> +<br> + +<p class="normal">"If you have not yet forgotten your old friend, dear Johannes, give her +the pleasure of a visit. She has been ill for a fortnight, and is +permitted to sit up to-day for the first time. The messenger knows +where she is to be found.</p> +<p class="right">Luise."</p> +<br> + +<p class="normal">I will not attempt to describe the tempest of feeling those few words +awakened in my soul. For a moment the room and all it contained whirled +around me, and I should not have been surprised had the old woman +suddenly thrown off her patched clothing and stood before me in the +guise of a beautiful fairy.</p> + +<p class="normal">With trembling haste I hurried on my coat, seized my hat and cane, and +went out into the street ere I asked if this were really true, and how +she had happened to serve the lady as a messenger.</p> + +<p class="normal">There was nothing strange in that, the old dame had answered. Madame +Spielberg had arrived a fortnight ago, in her own carriage, very ill +with measles, and had asked to be taken to the hospital. But as, on +account of the rebuilding, no one could be received there, and the only +patient, by the burgomaster's orders, had meantime been removed to the +almshouse, the stranger had been transported there, to her entire +satisfaction for, thank Heaven, she had lacked nothing. The doctor had +been instantly summoned, and then the seven old dames who now lived +there shared the nursing, which had prospered so well that to-day she +had eaten her soup with an excellent appetite and been able to drink a +tiny glass of wine. The doctor had told them to be very attentive to +the sick lady, who was of noble birth and a Canoness. Well, that was no +hard task for them. There was not such another lovely lady in the whole +world, she was always apologizing for giving so much trouble, and that +day, after she sat up, had sent for her trunk and given each one some +article of clothing for a present. Then she asked about the +schoolmaster, but, when she saw the storm, said the note could wait +till to-morrow. But she, the old dame, would not hear of that, and now +I would see for myself how well the lady was taken care of. She +occupied No. 12, the best room in the whole house.</p> + +<p class="normal">When I had entered the dusky corridor and shaken the snow from my +clothing, and my guide, pointing to one of the little doors, had said, +"That's number 12," I was obliged to pause a few moments to calm myself +before I knocked. Is it really true? I thought. Ten years have passed +like one day! In your heart at least! And she--how will you find her? +But I had scarcely heard her "Come in!" when I knew she must be just +the same as ever; time, grief, and even want had no power over her +strong soul; and, whether I found her in this wretched almshouse or on +a throne, she would ever be the mistress of my thoughts and feelings.</p> + +<p class="normal">So I entered, and the first look in which our eyes met thrilled me with +the warmth and happiness a patient, on whom an operation for a cataract +has been performed, feels when the bandage is removed for the first +time.</p> + +<p class="normal">She was sitting in a large arm-chair by the window, past which the +snow-flakes were whirling, and held on her knee an open book. The large +room was bare and wholly unadorned, the walls were white-washed, the +bed was covered with a brown shawl that I distinctly remembered, her +trunk stood at the foot, there was a plain table and two chairs--the +usual almshouse furniture. But on the table beside the <i>carafe</i> stood a +glass containing a bunch of snow-drops, in front of a daguerreotype of +her child in a small easel-frame wreathed with the same white blossoms. +Everything was just as usual, for she had always kept this picture near +her, and she still wore, as at the time I last saw her, her mourning +dress, with the little black silk kerchief wound in her fair hair, only +its amber hue was not so deep, but seemed powdered with a gray dust. +The beautiful oval face, however, was wholly unchanged, save for an +expression of cheerfulness which had been alien to it during the last +period of our companionship. How she smiled at me, how her voice +sounded--was she really a sorely-afflicted woman, who had passed her +fortieth year? And I, was I the dried up, provincial Philistine and +pedagogue I had so long believed myself to be, or still a reckless +young fellow, ready at any moment to commit the wildest folly for this +woman's sake.</p> + +<p class="normal">She did not rise to greet me, but held out both hands, and I could only +clasp and hold them in the utmost embarrassment. I did not venture to +kiss them. I had too often seen this knightly homage paid by the man +who had inflicted the keenest suffering upon her heart, and would not +remind her of any bitter experience.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I said, "it is really you--you have not changed in the +least--I am so happy to see you again--and you were ill and I only +learn your presence here to-day."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Sit down by me, Johannes," she said. "I, too, am glad to see your face +once more. You look very well; you have grown a little stouter, but it +is becoming; teaching seems to suit you better than the dramatic +business. Oh, my dear friend, this is like the day of judgment, when +everything is to be brought together. True, only the shadow of the very +best of all returns!" She glanced at the picture of Joachimchen on the +table, and her eyes grew grave.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I can not yet recover from my joyful surprise," I said, as I took my +seat at the window opposite to her. "You here! And what tempted you to +this out-of-the-way corner? And whence do you come?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She smiled again.</p> + +<p class="normal">"<i>You</i> tempted me, my friend--<i>you</i>, and no one else. I was very ill +and thought I should not recover. So, before my death, I wanted to +again clasp the hand of my last friend, and thank him for all the love +and fidelity he has shown me. Believe me, I know everything that has +happened to you during our separation--it is not much--Uncle Joachim +constantly inquired about you and wrote me all he learned. He alone, of +all my acquaintances, knew where I was to be found."</p> + +<p class="normal">"And did not answer one single word, the envious man, though I wrote to +him three times to obtain news of you."</p> + +<p class="normal">"He could not. I had strictly forbidden it. I wanted to be dead to +every one, and always hoped that God would be merciful and speedily +summon me from the world. But He had different plans for me, and I will +not murmur against His will. Where did I hide myself? Why, in a very +remote corner of the Uckermark, on the estate of a nobleman who had +advertised for a companion for his invalid wife and a governess for his +little daughter. How I fared in that house, and learned to practice +every deed of charity, I will tell you some other time or not at all. I +can only repeat the old words: 'With the sick I became well, with the +poor rich, with the dying I learned to live.' And all this exactly in +my own way, with people whom I tenderly loved. You know the +professional neighborly love a deaconess practices would be contrary to +my nature, like a public display of piety and love for God. But when +the gentle sufferer died, and a few weeks after her little daughter +followed her, I could no longer remain in the house; for the sorrowing +widower, otherwise a thoroughly admirable man, offered me his heart and +hand, and, when I told him that I was not free, proposed to make every +effort to have my missing husband declared dead and then marry me. Just +at that time I received a letter from our Liborius, the gardener, +informing me that Uncle Joachim was very ill and wished to see me. This +instantly afforded me an escape from my painful position. For, though I +could be nothing to the worthy man, I pitied his desolation and his +hopeless love. Willing or not, he was now obliged to let me go at +once."</p> + +<p class="normal">"Poor woman!" I said. "How you must have suffered in returning to the +old scenes which had so many hated associations."</p> + +<p class="normal">"You are wrong," she answered. "Those few weeks on the estate are among +the most consoling my life has known. I saw none of the faces that were +repulsive to me--indeed many of those I held dear were also missing. +Aunt Elizabeth had slept for six years in the family vault. Her +'inconsolable husband,' as he styles himself on the tombstone, coupled +with a verse from the Bible expressing a hope of a reunion--perhaps you +have seen it in the newspaper?--Uncle Achatz, went to France directly +after the funeral, accompanied by the young Englishwoman, who, after +the separation from Mademoiselle Suzon, had become indispensable to him +as a reader and companion. In Paris, where to improve his finances he +frequented gambling-houses, he met a doubtful character, who quarreled +with him at faro and then shot him in a duel. As the traveling +companion disappeared the same day, leaving nothing of any value, the +unfortunate man was buried in a very simple manner at the expense of +the Prussian embassy, and is still awaiting in French soil the day when +he is to be interred by his wife's side. Hitherto my young cousin has +lacked time and means to do this. Immediately after his father's death, +he set to work zealously, under Uncle Joachim's supervision, to +extricate his financial affairs from their utter disorder, and in every +possible way improve the estate, so that in time the former splendor of +the family might be restored. I should have been very glad to see +Achatz, who had not been your pupil one whole summer entirely in vain. +But just before I arrived he had set out with his young wife on a +wedding journey to Italy. Nor did I see my cousin Leopoldine, who as +you know married Cousin Kasimir, and has had no light cross to bear. My +best friend, Mother Lieschen, had long since gone to her last rest. So +I found only the old servants, the gardener, the villagers, who were +all fond of me because Aunt Elizabeth's kind deeds reached them by my +hands--and my dear old uncle, the sight of whom fairly startled me. He +was sitting, crippled with gout, our family disease, in an +uncomfortable chair by the stove, his dog, a grand-daughter of our old +Diana, lying beside him, and his pipe, which had gone out, between his +teeth. He could not light it himself with his bandaged hands, and +Liborius did not always have time to attend to him. But his mind was as +clear and bright as in his best days, and his old heart still throbbed +as warmly as ever. I can not tell you, dear Johannes, what joy and +enlightenment, even amid the saddest feelings, I experienced during +those last days spent with the dying man. There the last ring forged +around me by my own hard fate was shattered into fragments, and I felt +ashamed of my weak-hearted melancholy in the presence of the quiet, +brave, cheerful sufferer, who never allowed a complaint to escape his +lips. Only when the pain became too severe, a stifled <i>nom d'un nom!</i> +sometimes slipped through his teeth with the smoke, and then he begged +me to put my hand on his heart, that the raging thing might feel its +mistress.</p> + +<p class="normal">"So he at last died, with a chivalrous jest on his lips and a loving +look at me. The gout, as people say, went to his heart. It was not +until after his death that I fully realized what a noble man he had +been. I sat for hours beside the open coffin, and resolved that I would +fight as bravely through the span of life still left me, and again look +forth upon the world with cheerful eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">"But I could not yet devote myself to my own affairs, an epidemic of +measles had broken out in the village, and I was needed from early till +late, in house after house, to help the doctor abolish the absurd +torments still in use from the treatment of ancient times. Meanwhile, +the small sum of money I had brought with me was consumed in the +expenses of my uncle's funeral and the needs of the village hospital. +When at last the disease attacked me also, I had just enough left to +pay for the carriage which was to bring me here to my old friend.</p> + +<p class="normal">"But when I had arrived it seemed kinder not to startle this faithful +man, perhaps even expose him to the same calamity by summoning him to +my sick bed. So I waited till I had had my first bath, which I took +yesterday, and now I can give you my hand without peril, and tell you +how glad I am that a respite on this chilly earth is still granted me, +and that I hope to enjoy a few more beautiful springs in this lower +world."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">She had again given me her hand, which I now raised to my lips.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I replied, "you have bestowed upon me the greatest joy +and honor I have ever experienced. I value your coming here as highly +as though you had dubbed me a knight. And, in truth, during all these +years, I have felt myself your knight and worn your colors."</p> + +<p class="normal">A slight flush mounted into her face, which made her look still +younger. "Do not overestimate me," she replied. "I had two objects in +coming, only one of which was unselfish. I wanted to see you again to +have you help me in my need, but also, it is true, to provide for your +own future."</p> + +<p class="normal">"What do you mean?" I asked. "What future can there be for a man like +me, whose presence no one would miss. You see, my dear friend, men of +my stamp are indispensable to the human race, but only like the stones +the architect cements together in the earth, that they may form a solid +foundation for his proud temple. We are invisibly bound together, and +render service as a whole, but the individual is not much noticed; even +if he is moldering, he does his duty while he fills his little space. +Why do you talk to me of the future? So long as you stay with me, time +will vanish."</p> + +<p class="normal">Luise shook her head gravely.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I am not in question," she replied, "and, if we are to remain good +friends, you must not make any more of these extravagant speeches. You +are no longer an enthusiastic youth, but still young enough to take a +fresh start in life, have a beloved wife and a house full of children, +without entirely forgetting your old friend. It is not necessary to +have a proud ideal of the future for that. But you ought to be ashamed +of so depreciating yourself, burying your talent, dreaming and grieving +away your life in this secluded hamlet, instead of seeking a sphere of +influence where all your gifts might develop. Or, if you have lost the +courage and desire to live for mankind, why will you not at least make +one individual happy, and diffuse warmth enough from your hearth-stone +to benefit the immediate neighborhood?"</p> + +<p class="normal">"Because I am no longer free, but have long languished in bonds and +fetters," I replied, and, unbuttoning my vest at the neck, drew out her +gold chain, which I never laid aside. She again flushed slightly, but +forced herself to assume a stern expression, and said: "You are +incorrigible; but I won't give you up yet. I know that you will do much +to afford me pleasure. First, however, you must do me another service. +I have told you that I spent my last thalers for the carriage which +brought me here. I should like to look about me for another position, +where I can make myself useful, and you shall help me by advancing a +small sum. I don't need much, but I haven't paid a farthing in this +house, and should not like to live on at the expense of a community +upon which I have not even the claim of being a native of the place. +But I am not too proud to beg from you."</p> + +<p class="normal">"You could have made me no more valuable gift," I exclaimed. "And now +we won't say another word about this trifle. Tell me about yourself, +and, above all, whether you are well cared for here, and what I can do +for your comfort."</p> + +<p class="normal">She smiled again.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I am treated like a princess. You know that old women were always fond +of me. Now I have no less than seven of them in one group, and they are +so attentive and so jealous of my favor that I am obliged to act on the +defensive. Whenever I rang, all seven of them would come hobbling in to +ask my wishes. They felt honored by the presence of an ex-Canoness in +the almshouse; the coachman, who came from our estate, had told them +who I was, or rather might be, if I had not destroyed my own prospects. +My coming here ill with such a commonplace disease, and lying down +contentedly in so plain a bed, as if I had never slept in a castle, won +their hearts at a single stroke. But, to escape their officious zeal +without wounding the jealous devotion of any one, I arranged to have +each dame serve me one day in the week. In this way I learned to know +them all, and am now aware of everything Mother Schulzen, Mother +Jenicke, Mother Grabow and the others have suffered during their +insignificant, sorrowful lives. But you will be little interested in +this. Besides, I have already talked too much--the doctor would scold. +Go now, dear friend, and if you have time come again to-morrow. While I +am here, we will see a great deal of each other."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">These were pleasant and prophetic words. I owe the happiest part of my +life to the time Frau Luise spent beneath this humble roof.</p> + +<p class="normal">Of course, I now visited her daily, and as she rapidly recovered our +talks became longer, so, when the last snow had disappeared and the +world grew warm and bright again, we did not stay within the four bare +walls, but took the most delightful walks, at first near the house and +church, but afterward we rambled for hours along the shore of the lake, +and even entered the little grove beyond.</p> + +<p class="normal">We were always compelled to do this when my princess desired to escape +from the attendance of her court. So long as we remained near the +house, the seven old dames persistently followed us, the one who was on +duty that day in front, the six others, each holding her knitting in +her old withered hands, behind, as if to do the honors of the +neighborhood, but really because their hearts drew them to this new +inmate of the household. They seemed to find comfort in merely looking +at her or hearing the distant sound of her voice. But their feeble old +limbs would not carry many of them farther than the shore of the lake, +and the two youngest, who were only seventy and still very vigorous, +dared not take any special liberties.</p> + +<p class="normal">We never went into the city. Frau Luise did not wish to fan the public +curiosity, already excited. True, the burgomaster had considered it his +duty to wait upon the lady, and urge her to move into more elegant +lodgings which he had secured for her.</p> + +<p class="normal">He, too, was so charmed by her appearance and manner that his first +embarrassment soon vanished, especially after she had requested him not +to call her Baroness, but simply Frau Spielberg, and had thanked him +for the hospitality extended to her here. So comfortable an abode for +old women--to whose number she herself would soon belong--could +scarcely be found in the whole Mark, and she begged to be allowed to +stay until she had decided how to shape her future life.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, as she could remain nowhere without bestowing on her environments +the impress of her own nature, the burgomaster at his first visit +marveled at the changed appearance of the almshouse and its inmates. +The seven old dames, who had formerly crept about in forlorn tatters, +with their thin hair hanging over their brows, and lines of discontent +on their faces--nay, sometimes bearing tokens of very unchristian +deeds, the result of their quarrels--suddenly appeared transformed into +neat, civil matrons, for they had noticed that they did not please +their mistress unless they appeared with clean faces and carefully +mended dresses. Even the building itself had changed. The corridors and +rooms were spick and span from scouring, and strewed with clean sand. +The most beautiful of all was the garden, a narrow strip of ground +beneath the low windows. Without saying much about it, Frau Luise one +day dug with her own hands the patch below her own window, divided it +into small beds, and planted some flowers she had asked me to get for +her. Her old guard had scarcely seen this ere they became possessed +with an ambition to imitate the noble lady, and, as the latter +willingly helped them with seeds and young plants, the wilderness, in +which formerly nothing but nettles and weeds of all kinds had +flourished, was transformed into a gay garden, and under each window +stood a small, rudely made bench, painted with cheap green paint, on +which every leisure evening one of the old crones sat in the sunset +glow with the everlasting knitting in her lap.</p> + +<p class="normal">I had ordered Frau Luise's bench to be made somewhat larger, so that +there was room for a slender person by her side. There I sat many an +hour, often with a book from which I read aloud to her, or talking +cheerfully and earnestly about God and the world, not infrequently +recalling memories of the beloved child, whose smallest trait of +character had not been forgotten by either of us. His father's name was +never mentioned. I only knew that he was still dragging out his useless +existence in some foreign land.</p> + +<p class="normal">At that time I learned to know the deep wisdom of the words "All things +work together for good to them that love God." For all the good and +evil, strange and detestable things this woman had experienced, had +worked together in her strong, clear soul, till after the dross had +been separated pure gold remained. Now, as ever, she was reluctant to +needlessly mention the name of God, and, had she been catechized about +her faith, probably would not have passed the examination well. But she +possessed the consciousness that, whenever she went down into the +depths of her heart, she would find the spirit of peace, love, and +truth, and this consciousness was so vivid that a divine calmness and +confidence, visible to the dullest senses, illumined her brow. But a +new trait in her was a peculiar sense of humor, a mirthfulness which +had rarely flashed out in her youth, yet now appeared to be the +predominant mood of her nature. When she was gay, she could make the +most comical remarks about herself and her surroundings, mutual old +acquaintances, and the seven dames knitting on their little benches, +remarks whose drollery could not be surpassed by Dickens or Thackeray. +Her merry satire did not even spare me. But, as I was utterly +defenseless, she soon let the subject drop, though she could see by my +hearty laughter that I was flattered rather than offended.</p> + +<p class="normal">This uniformly charming idyl would have satisfied all my wishes, had I +been able to shake off the fear that it would some day come to an end. +For Frau Luise daily studied all the advertisements for governesses or +nurses, and several times had applied for something, fortunately +without success. I racked my brains to discover some plan that would +keep her near me. But, though she unhesitatingly accepted my friendly +assistance as a loan, she was inexorable whenever I spoke of having no +question concerning "mine and thine" rise between us in the future.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Whoever can work must gain a living!" she answered once, in a tone +that deprived me of all courage to return to the subject.</p> + +<p class="normal">Then a fortunate chance caused, in a very simple and easy way, the +fulfillment of the sum total of my wishes.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">One Sunday afternoon in May we had taken a delightful walk, and on our +return the little almshouse chapel stood before us in its dense robe of +ivy, illumined by the full radiance of the sun, looking so beautiful +and venerable that, for the first time, we gazed at it attentively and +remarked how strange it was that we had never desired to see the +interior. Though we now heard from the seven matrons that it was +perfectly bare and the walls had nothing but spiders' webs, Frau Luise +asked for the key, which had not been used for years, and, attended by +the whole train of knitting courtiers, we entered the deserted old +chapel.</p> + +<p class="normal">There was, in truth, nothing remarkable to be seen. A tolerably bright +light fell through four long, narrow, arched windows, but illumined +nothing save bare walls destitute of pillars, entablatures, or other +architectural decorations. Within the choir there was only the square, +brick foundation of the altar, raised one step above the floor. In a +corner opposite stood a bier covered with a black pall, thickly coated +with dust. The little almshouse chapel had doubtless served for a +receiving tomb so long as the graveyard outside was used. This thought +did not make the cellar-like place more agreeable, and we were about to +go back to the warm spring sunshine when my eyes fell upon a high, +narrow, wooden box, which stood on the other side just opposite to the +altar. Great was my surprise when, after having vainly fumbled about +the case for a time, a lid suddenly flew back, and an old harmonium +appeared. How it came there I could never ascertain. These instruments +are still very rare in our province, and it is hardly probable that +years ago the almshouse had a pious and wealthy patron in the city, who +desired to aid the religious service in the poor little church by such +an endowment.</p> + +<p class="normal">So we examined our treasure with astonished eyes. When I touched the +keys, dull and somewhat rusty, yet not wholly discordant notes stole +forth, as if the sleeping soul, so long confined there, were waking, +and its first sound was a timid expression of thanks to its deliverers.</p> + +<p class="normal">The case was instantly drawn forward, and I prepared to play. Frau +Luise, with sparkling eyes, came to my side. I began "A mountain +fastness is our Lord," and she joined in with her voice, at first +timidly, it was so long since she had sung a note, but soon with all +her former depth of feeling, till my heart thrilled with ecstasy. When +it was over, I began the introduction to our beloved Orpheus aria, and +how my friend's marvelous alto voice rang through the lofty, empty +chapel! The seven old dames sat silently on the step of the altar, the +click of the knitting-needles was no longer heard, nothing mingled with +the melody except the low twittering of the birds. So in the utmost +delight we practiced for some time, not stopping with this one aria, +and many airs which we had sung to our little Joachim returned to his +mother's mind.</p> + +<p class="normal">At last emotion overpowered her, and I ceased playing, rose, and held +out my hand, which she cordially pressed. We knew what remained +unuttered.</p> + +<p class="normal">"This must not be the last time we are happy here," I said; "later in +the summer this concert-room will be a pleasant refuge, though now the +damp, close atmosphere oppresses us. I wonder that you could control +your voice so well, Frau Luise."</p> + +<p class="normal">She made no reply, but passed out through the doorway. I walked by her +side, and the seven maids-of-honor followed. But what was our amazement +to see a crowd of people gathered outside the threshold, who +respectfully formed into two lines to allow the singer and her train to +pass. Not only some of the plain people from the few neighboring houses +had flocked hither, attracted by the music, but several of the +prominent families in the city, among them the burgomaster and his two +daughters, who while returning from a Sunday walk had heard with +astonishment the strong, beautiful tones issuing from the long silent +chapel, and stopped to enjoy the free concert.</p> + +<p class="normal">The burgomaster himself, a great lover of music, seemed so amazed +by the discovery that so admirable an artist had been concealed +in the humble almshouse that he did not utter a word to express his +homage--only bowed low and silently lifted his hat as she passed. The +audience of both high and low degree speedily dispersed; yet, as I +walked home in the evening, I caught many a word from the worthy +citizens, sitting before their doors or going to get their beer, which +betrayed how our church-music still echoed in the ears of the +listeners.</p> + +<p class="normal">The Canoness at the almshouse formed the topic of every conversation +during the evening, and no three women whispered together ten minutes +over their coffee without saying something for or against their +interesting new neighbor.</p> + +<p class="normal">When, on the following afternoon, I went to my friend, she asked, +smiling: "Guess what distinguished visitor I have had to-day, +Johannes?" Then she told me that the burgomaster himself had called on +her, and, amid many compliments on, her singing, asked if she would +give lessons to his daughters. The two girls, who had been waiting +outside, entered, blushing, and, as she did not refuse the request, +sang to her at their father's bidding in fresh, though untrained, young +voices, after which she gladly consented to give them two lessons a +week, and was to begin the next morning. The only point now was to +procure a piano, the harmonium being far too powerful to be used to +accompany singing.</p> + +<p class="normal">It was difficult for me to repress my joy at these glad tidings. Now +she is ours, I thought. Now she need no longer pore over the +advertisements in the last pages of the Voss and Spener journals.</p> + +<p class="normal">But I said quite calmly: "This happens capitally. I have a piano"--this +one luxury had been procured for little money, as, though the old +instrument was originally good, it had seen much service--"and I will +send it early to-morrow to the almshouse, where there are plenty of +vacant rooms which would be cheerfully given up to you for your +lessons."</p> + +<p class="normal">This plan was accomplished. Ere a month had passed, all the girls from +fifteen to five-and-twenty were enrolled in my friend's volunteer corps +of singers, and it was considered as fashionable to send a daughter to +the Canoness as it is in the capitals to secure admission to the +conservatory.</p> + +<p class="normal">She had fixed a very moderate price for her lessons. Still, as she also +superintended choir-singing, and soon had all her time occupied, her +income was so large that I jestingly said she would soon be able to buy +an estate.</p> + +<p class="normal">She shrugged her shoulders, smiling, and I well knew what this meant. +For her left hand was never aware of what her right hand was doing, +and, though our town had an organized system of charity, there was +ample opportunity for deeds of benevolence.</p> + +<p class="normal">We never exchanged a word about her remaining in the almshouse. But she +persistently resisted the entreaties of her young pupils and their +parents to move into better lodgings in the city. "I could not do +without my seven guardian angels," she said, smiling. She merely +obtained somewhat better furniture for her room, sent for Uncle +Joachim's old chest of drawers and the two pictures of Napoleon--he had +left her everything he possessed--and added two beautiful engravings +from my aunt's legacy. The large room with two windows, adjoining her +own, was fitted up for her lessons, and my piano was moved into it. +Many an afternoon, when I had arrived before the close of the lessons, +I sat outside on the bench in her little garden, listening to the +chirping within, the regular <i>solfeggios</i> and runs, and the magnificent +bell-like tones of the teacher ringing out between them, or the sweet +voices of the full choir, which practiced not only solemn <i>motettos</i> +and <i>cantatas</i>, but sought recreation in Mendelssohn, Schubert, and +Schumann.</p> + +<p class="normal">The service she was rendering the young people could not fail to dispel +their parents' prejudices against the wife of the strolling actor, and +make them endeavor to draw her to their houses. But on this point she +was inexorable. "I detest these provincial entertainments," she said to +me. "I will cheerfully give the people among whom I live as much of my +life as can be of service to them, but the rest I will keep for myself. +To sit on the sofa a whole evening between the wives of the burgomaster +and the councilor, and talk about servants and betrothals, would kill +me. Besides, my opinions would rouse their displeasure before an hour +was over. There is where Mother Schulzen, Mother Grabow, and the other +five Fates deserve praise. They think me a saint, though I don't go to +church."</p> + +<p class="normal">But, while she retained this view and avoided the society of the +mothers, she was all the more friendly in her intercourse with the +daughters. Every other Sunday her pupils, about twenty in number, were +allowed to spend the evening with her, and she gave them a little +supper of tea, cake, and bread and butter. But these pleasant meetings +were not intended merely for merry talk with the children--they were +expected to produce better results. She read to them from the works of +our classic writers the most beautiful and ennobling selections adapted +to their age and culture, a couple of acts from one of Schiller's +tragedies, which they were afterward to finish at home, once the whole +of Iphigenia, at another time ballads from Goethe and Uhland, and then +let her youthful audience express their ideas of what they had heard, +only adding a few wise remarks of her own.</p> + +<p class="normal">I did not attend these readings, but took the liberty of lingering +outside the open window and listening to her recitations. I will not +speak of the indescribable enjoyment that fell to my lot. But, though +my love for this woman may make me appear somewhat partial, the +assertion can be believed that she would have surpassed many a famed +tragic actress, had she given her readings on the stage.</p> + +<p class="normal">How completely she captivated her young listeners!</p> + +<p class="normal">Many of the older people were made somewhat anxious by finding that the +actor's wife was on such intimate terms with her young pupils that she +directed not only their singing but their thoughts and feelings. But +the last ice melted, though it was the very middle of winter; when a +nocturnal conflagration destroyed several houses and robbed some +families of their whole property. Frau Luise instantly advertised +a concert in the town-hall for the benefit of the sufferers. She +herself sang, her pupils helped to the best of their ability in solos, +choir-singing, and recitations. Every nook in the hall, spite of the +high price of admission, was occupied, and the next day there was but +<i>one</i> verdict in house and hovel, namely, that no such pleasure had +ever been enjoyed by even the oldest inhabitants, and no more noble +soul ever dwelt in woman's breast than in the tuneful one of this +greatly misjudged lady.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">So she had reached this point.</p> + +<p class="normal">The swan, that had lost its way in the marsh, had plunged into the +clear water of this quiet country lake, shaken its feathers, and lo! +they were once more snow-white as in its early days.</p> + +<p class="normal">Even the pastor, who had been unable to forgive her for not appearing +at his church and having even chosen as her only intimate friend a +renegade theologian, whom he could not help doubly condemning--even +this zealous shepherd of souls could not permanently refuse her his +esteem. After the concert he called on her, and had a conversation +which lasted two hours. I met him just as he was leaving the almshouse. +His face looked as I imagine Moses' might have done after he had seen +the Lord in the naming bush. I did not even consider this strange. What +victory over human hearts might I not have expected this woman to +achieve!</p> + +<p class="normal">The "overflowing treasure of grace" she so lavishly bestowed benefited +me also. For the first time, my modest greeting to the secretly +resentful man was returned with a friendly gesture, in which I fancied +I noticed a shade of curious interest. We afterward became better +acquainted, and learned to sincerely value each other.</p> + +<p class="normal">My position as the Canoness's special friend was of course much envied +by my colleagues and other acquaintances, and many questions were asked +about her. But, as I had no intimacies, I was not obliged to put any +unusual bolts on my heart, that it might keep its secrets. And I must +add one thing more which, amid such narrow, provincial environments, +does the highest honor to human nature: never, by even the most trivial +jest, was the slightest shadow cast upon the purity of my intercourse +with her.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nay, a still more extraordinary thing: even the most arrogant among the +wives of the dignitaries willingly yielded her the precedence she never +claimed, and without envy or hatred beheld this stranger, who had been +received into the almshouse from Christian charity, ruling the city as +it were from her little room--at least, in all matters relating to the +common welfare of the inhabitants and their intellectual life. Even the +burgomaster's wife and her friends, who gathered at society meetings +and coffee-parties, did not consider it beneath their dignity to seek +the Canoness's advice on any charitable business, or any question +concerning education or etiquette, with a faith as devout as if the +almshouse were the oracle of Delphi, and Frau Luise sat on the tripod +as priestess. She told me the drollest stories about these occasions, +which I, as a faithful servant of the temple, vowed to silence, must +not betray here.</p> + +<p class="normal">Thus the renown of her talents and virtues could not fail to extend +beyond the precincts of our little town, till at last even the +newspapers mentioned her. She took no notice of it; indeed, she did not +look at the papers, now that the advertisements no longer interested +her. I think she secretly dreaded to accidentally read the name of the +man whom she desired to forever forget.</p> + +<p class="normal">But her concert for the sufferers by the conflagration had made such a +sensation that all Preignitz and Uckermark rang with its fame. So one +day, when I came to chat with her a little while after she had finished +her lessons, I saw standing in front of the almshouse a dusty carriage, +on whose door I recognized the coat of arms of her own family, though +the faces of coachman and footman were unfamiliar to me.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nevertheless, I did not hesitate to knock at her door, and, on +entering, saw a pretty, stylish young lady sitting on the sofa by her +side, while at the first glance I recognized in her companion my former +pupil--Baron Achatz. He had not grown much taller, but a little blonde +mustache had ventured forth under his turned-up Zieten nose, and the +light-blue eyes beneath his low brow had so frank an expression that I +was instantly reminded of his excellent mother, now resting in the +peace of God.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Come nearer, my dear friend," cried Frau Luise. "You will find an old +acquaintance, who has already been inquiring for you, and his young +wife. This is our candidate, dear Luitgarde, of whom Achatz has often +told you. What do you say, Herr Johannes? My cousins have come in +person to invite me to spend the rest of my life with them. They have +heard I was an inmate of an almshouse, which did not seem to them a +proper place for a member of their family. Now they want to carry me +off in triumph to their castle, like a precious jewel that has been +taken from the family treasures and at last found again. Is it not kind +in these young people, who could not be blamed if, for a time, they had +thought only of themselves and their own happiness. But you are +misinformed, my dear cousins. I live here just as I desire, and want +for nothing, though my claims upon life are not the most modest. Tell +Achatz, my dear Johannes, how I am spoiled here. Am I not pleasantly +lodged? The adjoining room is my music-hall, and my reception-day is +always crowded. The attendance leaves me nothing to desire, seven maids +and waiting-women, whose united ages number more than five hundred +years; where should I ever find the like again? If you could stay +longer, you would be convinced that I am at least as well cared for +here as though I were living in a chapter, while I need not even wear +the veil and dress of the order, but can cut my garments according to +my own taste. Nevertheless, I thank you from my heart for your kind +intentions"--and as she spoke she kissed the young wife, whose blushes +followed each other in swift succession--"but, if you really must go +to-day, you must first see that your old cousin can offer her guests a +very tolerable cup of tea. First, however, I will take you over my +little kingdom, of whose orderly government I am so vain that the +sarcastic candidate is fond of calling me 'the queen of the +almshouse.'"</p> + +<p class="normal">She rose, tied her little black kerchief over her hair, and then drew +the young baroness' slender arm through hers. We men followed, and, +while Frau Luise, with sportive self-ridicule, pointed out all the +modest beauties of the building and its environs, and finally gathered +a bouquet for the bride in her little garden, my pupil (pardon the +slip) plucked up courage to beg me, in a whisper, to persuade his +cousin to accept his well-meant offer. Even if she herself was +satisfied with her humble position, it would place him and the whole +family in a bad light if it should be rumored that he had allowed his +nearest relative to live in an almshouse, and from considerations of +kinship she owed it to him and to herself to return to--</p> + +<p class="normal">"My dear baron," I replied, "you overestimate my influence with your +cousin. She knows exactly what she owes to herself. But, if you speak +of family considerations, allow me to say, with all the freedom +warranted by my old acquaintance with you, that the occurrences during +your father's life-time must absolve Frau Luise before God and man from +any duty to her family. And now, pray, let us say no more about it. I +congratulate you sincerely upon your marriage. Your wife seems endowed +with every physical and mental gift that would have led your mother to +greet her joyfully as her son's wife, and love her most tenderly."</p> + +<p class="normal">The good fellow silently pressed my hand, and I saw his honest little +eyes sparkle.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we returned to the house--the lake and ivy-mantled chapel had +fairly enraptured the somewhat romantic young wife--we found the +tea-table set, a task for which Mother Schulzen, whose day it was, +possessed especial skill, and supplied with fresh bread, golden butter, +and a little cold meat. "The cups are not Sèvres," said Frau Luise +in a jesting tone, "and, as I had more pressing wants than silver +table-ware, you must be content with pewter spoons and bone-handled +knives and forks. While I am making the tea, friend Johannes will give +you a proof of his greatest talent, which consists in buttering bread."</p> + +<p class="normal">She was so irresistibly charming in her quiet cheerfulness that the +young wife at last lost her embarrassment, and we four sat together for +an hour, talking in the gayest manner like old friends. When the time +for departure had come, the ladies affectionately embraced each other, +and promised to correspond regularly. The young baron kissed his +cousin's hand, but she embraced him with maternal tenderness, saying: +"I can not see the kind face you have inherited from your mother, +Achate, without remembering how often I kissed that saintly woman's +cheek. Now, farewell; remember me to old Liborius, and Krischan, too, +though he has become a drunkard, and, when you meet Leopoldine, tell +her that I should be very glad to see her again. But traveling is +uncomfortable for an old woman like myself; she must come to me."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">This visit, which of course was much discussed in the little city, +greatly increased and strengthened the love and reverence my friend +enjoyed. It was considered greatly to her credit that she had resisted +the temptation to return to her aristocratic circle, and preferred the +humble almshouse to the proud castle. Mother Schulzen, of course, under +the pretext that she must be close at hand, had listened at the door, +and, though she usually declared herself to be hard of hearing, had not +lost a word of the conversation.</p> + +<p class="normal">From that time Frau Luise was secretly regarded as a sort of honorary +citizen of our town, and would have been cheerfully granted the most +jealously guarded privilege of citizenship, that of fishing in the +lake, had she displayed any love for angling.</p> + +<p class="normal">Yet she continued to live on in the unassuming manner previously +described, and, as she enjoyed perfect health, she compared, in her +droll way, her own condition with that of the little dismantled steamer +that lay anchored in the calm inland lake, resting comfortably from +every storm.</p> + +<p class="normal">But one more tempest burst over her, which threatened to shake even her +steadfast nature.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">We had been permitted for three years to call her ours. Spring had come +again, but no March snow-flakes were fluttering through the air as in +the time when she arrived; the sun was shining brightly, and, as the +song says, the weather tempted one to walk. Still, though it was +Saturday afternoon and school had therefore been dismissed, I was +obliged to leave her earlier than usual, as I had taken charge of the +lessons in German for a sick colleague, and had a whole pile of +exercise-books to correct by Monday.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was sitting at my work again early Sunday morning, when a hurried +message, brought by one of the seven almshouse dames, startled me. I +must come at once to the Canoness--as her train preferred to call her.</p> + +<p class="normal">I could not learn what had happened from the messenger. It was not <i>her +day</i>, and she had not seen Frau Luise.</p> + +<p class="normal">When I entered, I was no little surprised to find her in bed for the +first time since I had known her. She tried to smile in order to soothe +me, but it was only like a fleeting sunbeam which instantly vanished +behind clouds of gloom.</p> + +<p class="normal">"My life is not threatened, dear friend," said she; "nay, I am not even +really ill--only so exhausted by mental emotion that, when I tried to +rise, I fell back again. Sit down and listen."</p> + +<p class="normal">She then related the horrible story. On the afternoon of the previous +day, as, lured by the beautiful sunshine, she continued her walk alone +as far as the lake, a wretched figure had suddenly confronted her, just +at the spot where a group of willows cast a dense shade. It was a man +with long, gray locks and a haggard, sunken face, holding his hat in +his hand with the gesture of a mendicant. Lost in thought, she had not +at first noticed him particularly, but felt in her pocket to throw alms +into his hat. Suddenly the beggar seized her hand, and, covering it +with passionate kisses, exclaimed: "Do you no longer know me, Luise?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The sudden fright fairly made her heart stop beating. She could not +move a limb, but, wrenching her hand from his grasp, stood staring at +him, as though the specter must dissolve into mist before her eyes.</p> + +<p class="normal">But unhappily it remained, tangible and audible, and the wife perceived +with horror the ruin time had wrought in the proud and stately man. +Absolutely unable to utter a word, she had been forced to listen to the +long, carefully-studied speech, in which the hapless actor gave her a +succinct account of his adventures and experiences in two hemispheres, +protested his eternal love and longing for his worshiped wife, and in +exaggerated theatrical phrases besought her forgiveness.</p> + +<p class="normal">Not until he paused and, panting for breath, again tried to take her +hand, did she recover sufficient self-control to retreat a step and +say, "We have parted forever." With these words she turned to leave +him. But he grasped her dress, and again began the litany of his +complaints, entreaties, and self-reproaches. Fearing that some person +might pass whom the desperate man would make a witness of this pathetic +scene, she imperiously commanded him to leave her at once, but inquire +for her in the evening at that house--she pointed to the almshouse.</p> + +<p class="normal">"And you did not inform me at once?" I interposed.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Why should I, dear friend? I knew what I had to do, and no one could +represent me. True, the hours before night closed in--the bitter and +anxious feelings seething in my soul, shame at the thought that I had +once imagined I loved this man, horror of his presence, and grief for +the downfall of a human being who had once been good and noble--you can +easily understand how all these things agitated me. But when he +entered, I had at least attained sufficient outward composure to tell +him my decision in curt, resolute words."</p> + +<p class="normal">"'You will swear,' I said, 'never to appear before my face again. +Your sins against me have long since been forgiven. You were like one +dead to me, and will be so once more as soon as the door has closed +between us. But you must remain unknown to others, and therefore must +agree never to mention your name here, and to leave this place early +to-morrow morning, not to return. The little I have saved I will give +you. But, if you rely on my weakness and ever again remind me of your +existence, either verbally or in writing, I will appeal to the +protection of the law, and use the right of self-defense. Here on the +table is the money. It will be enough to pay your passage to America. +What you do there is your own affair. I have made many sacrifices for +your sake; I will not allow you to ruin the last remnant of life and +peace I have won.'</p> + +<p class="normal">"Spare me the description of the scene the unfortunate man now +rehearsed," she continued. "Dragging himself to me on his knees, he +poured forth flatteries, curses on his evil destiny, imprecations on +the stupid world that leaves genius to languish--in short, he used the +whole stock of his pitiful theatrical arts. When he saw that he made no +impression upon me, he staggered to his feet, straightened his shabby +velvet coat, tossed back his thin locks, with a look into yonder little +mirror, and then cast a quick glance toward the table on which the +money lay. My loathing, especially as he diffused a horrible odor of +bad liquor, had grown so strong that I was afraid every moment of +fainting. Fortunately he speedily released me from his intolerable +presence. With a flood of high-sounding words, he swore to respect my +wish, until I myself changed, which he expected sooner or later from my +generous heart. Meantime he found himself compelled to accept one last +favor from me, of course only as a loan, which he would repay with +interest, when I had become convinced of his complete regeneration, and +recalled him to spend the evening of our lives in loving harmony, and +look back with a pitying smile on the storm and stress of our wandering +youth.</p> + +<p class="normal">"With these words he went to the table, put the money in his +breast-pocket, made a movement as if to take my hand, but, when I drew +back, cast a sorrowful glance heavenward, and with a low bow tottered +out of the room.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I listened to discover whether he really went away. Then, with +trembling hands, for I did not feel absolutely secure from a fresh +surprise, I bolted the door, and threw myself, utterly exhausted, upon +the bed.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I told myself that I could have pursued no other course--that his life +was not to be saved, even if I threw my own into the gulf of ruin after +it. Yet, my friend--the man whom I was forced to drive from my +threshold had once laid his hand in mine for an eternal union--and had +been the father of my beloved child.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I did not sleep quietly an hour. Every time the spring wind shook my +window and rattled the blind, I started up and listened to hear if he +was standing outside, rapping. And to-day I feel as though I were +paralyzed, and moreover have constantly before my eyes the piteous +figure of the poor, homeless man, and tremble at the thought of the woe +that may still be in store for us both."</p> + +<p class="normal">She then begged me to inquire whether he had been seen in the city, or +where he had gone. I soon brought her news that he had spent the night +at the "Crown Prince," did not enter the public-room, but ordered wine +and rum to be brought to him. He had not mentioned his name, and early +that morning--about eight o'clock--had departed as he came, on foot and +without luggage, after paying his bill and buying a bottle of brandy to +take with him. After giving the waiter a thaler for his fee, he turned +his steps toward the north.</p> + +<p class="normal">I succeeded in partially soothing her agitated mind. I spent nearly the +whole day with her, played some of her favorite melodies, and shared +the simple meal brought to her bed-side. When I at last went away, she +pressed my hand with a touching look of gratitude. "Don't forsake me, +dear friend," she said. "And do not think me an affected simpleton, +because I am lying here so helpless. I shall be in my place again +to-morrow. Only I will defer our spring concert"--she had been in the +habit of giving a musical entertainment, aided by her pupils, every +three months--"for a fortnight. I fear I should not be able to sing +with them now."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">These words proved true, but not in the way she had meant.</p> + +<p class="normal">Her great strength of will soon roused her from the lethargy into which +the sad meeting with her husband had plunged her, and even on Monday +she gave her lessons as though nothing had occurred. But on Friday news +came that tore the old wounds open afresh.</p> + +<p class="normal">A few miles down the river, near a little village, a fisherman had +found, drifting in the water among the reeds, the body of a man with +long gray locks, dressed in a black-velvet coat. It must have been +there several days, for it was swollen and livid, like the corpses of +the drowned who do not instantly rise to the surface; besides, the +pocket-book containing his papers was completely sodden, and the +money in it spoiled by the water. In each of his two pockets he +carried a half-empty bottle. There could be no doubt that he had met +with his death while in a state of bewilderment, perhaps partial +unconsciousness. With the exception of an American passport bearing a +foreign name, nothing was found on him that could throw any light upon +his personal relations.</p> + +<p class="normal">Nevertheless the rumor spread with amazing celerity through the whole +neighborhood that the Canoness's missing husband had returned to find +his death in the waves of their native river. The burgomaster called on +Frau Luise to impart the sad news considerately. But the old gossips +who served her had anticipated him.</p> + +<p class="normal">I was with her when she received the visit of the father of the city. +"It is true," she said, "the man is my unfortunate husband. But do not +expect me to feign a grief I do not feel. That he sought death I do not +believe. He was supplied with money, and could indulge his sole +passion, which had stifled all his nobler feelings. His death was an +easy one, and now the poor restless wanderer has found repose. You can +not desire me to see him again. Have him buried as quietly as possible; +I will place a cross upon the grave at my own expense." Then, in a few +brief words, she told the worthy magistrate about her last interview +with the dead man.</p> + +<p class="normal">This occasion clearly revealed the love and esteem in which she was +held by the whole community, high and low. There was not a single +malicious gossip who molested her with a visit of feigned condolence, +while secretly gloating over the fact that the husband of this +much-lauded woman had met with a miserable end like any common +vagabond. On the contrary, all who could boast of her acquaintance +endeavored to show her by little attentions that the misfortune +of her life, which had here reached so tragical an end, had only made +them love and honor her the more. Not one of her pupils came to +take a singing-lesson without bringing a bunch of violets or early +lilies-of-the-valley, or a hyacinth raised at home, and no coffee-party +was given from which the hostess did not send her a plate of cakes, +which, it is true, only benefited the almshouse dames. Though Frau +Luise gratefully appreciated these discreet tokens of affection, she +was remarkably quiet and thoughtful. She wore no mourning robe, but her +soul seemed muffled in a black veil.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">This mood was deepened by the death of the oldest of the almshouse +dames, a feeble crone of eighty-four, who had recently been unable to +perform her duties as attendant. During the last three days she was +unconscious, and her exhausted flame of life went out without a +flicker: When I spoke to my friend, who had not left her side, of this +easy death as something enviable, she shook her head gravely, and +replied: "I would prefer a different one, like my dear Uncle Joachim's. +I wish to be conscious when I am dying, to experience my own death, and +not, so to speak, steal out of the world behind my own back."</p> + +<p class="normal">She insisted that, at the burial in the almshouse church-yard--where +only the inmates of the almshouse were interred--her pupils should sing +a choral and Mendelssohn's "It is Appointed by God's Will," an honor +which had never before fallen to a poor woman's lot, so that some +wiseacres asserted she was overdoing the matter. But that did not +trouble her in the least.</p> + +<p class="normal">"When they bear me out some day," she said, as we returned from the +funeral, "see, dear friend, that I, too, find my last resting-place +yonder. I do not wish to be dragged through the whole city to the other +cemetery, with its pompous marble monuments. And place no cross on my +grave. I have borne it enough during my life; in death, let the earth +rest lightly on me. What I possess will go to my old guard; you must +attend to it, after first choosing some memento you value. Promise me +that! I have written my last will and given it to the burgomaster."</p> + +<p class="normal">These words could not specially disturb or sadden me. I saw her walking +by my side in the full vigor of life, and though, since the day she had +sustained such a fright, her hair had grown still more silvery, she +seemed, in her gentle melancholy, younger and fairer than ever.</p> + +<p class="normal">She was also even more affectionate and tender to all, including +myself. And, though I had already passed my fortieth year and ought to +have grown sensible, her mild words and the faint air of sadness that +surrounded her fanned the old flames I had with so much difficulty +subdued, and one evening they not only flashed from my eyes but darted +from my tongue.</p> + +<p class="normal">The heat for several days had been equal to that of summer, so we had +been weeding and watering the young plants in her garden. Then we sat +down side by side on the little bench, and I said: "Do you know, Frau +Luise, that this is the anniversary of the day on which, twenty years +ago, I first saw you?"</p> + +<p class="normal">She reflected a short time and then answered: "I have no memory for +dates. But I know one thing, Johannes: there has not been a single day +since then when I could have doubted you."</p> + +<p class="normal">While speaking, she gazed thoughtfully into vacancy, as if this great +truth were dawning upon her to-day for the first time. This gave me +some little encouragement.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Frau Luise," I continued, "that day seems to me like yesterday. And +not one has passed since then that I have not felt you are the dearest +creature in the world to me. But must we live on thus to the end, only +together a few hours, though we feel that we belong to each other? +You have long known my feelings. Can you not resolve to make the bond +that unites us still firmer, to grant me the right to lay my whole +insignificant self at your feet before the eyes of the world?"</p> + +<p class="normal">The words had leaped from my lips as if some one else had lured them +from my inmost soul, and I was startled at my boldness as I heard the +sound of my own voice. I dared not look at her. I felt, or thought I +felt, that she was forcing herself to keep calm and not rebuke my +presumption. After a long pause, she replied, in a voice whose tones +were sorrowful rather than indignant:</p> + +<p class="normal">"Why have you said this, Johannes? You ought to know me and be aware +that I have done with life. Do not suppose that the opinion of the +world would awe me, if I felt that I was still young enough to be happy +and make others happy. But I was probably never created to devote +myself with my whole heart to a single individual, as a true wife +ought. Even my unfortunate first love was but a delusion of my +imagination. I have every talent for friendship or for being a Sister +of Charity, and my most passionate feeling has ever been a fervent +sympathy with <i>pauvre humanité</i>, as Mademoiselle Suzon said. But you +would not wish to be married from compassion.</p> + +<p class="normal">"No," she continued, as I was about to protest, "it would be a cruel +pity. In a few years I should easily pass for your mother, and you +would cut a ridiculous figure in attending me through the streets. You +are still a young man and a very foolish one, as you have just proved. +Your heart must still possess a fountain of youth, though you are no +mere lad. Why don't you do me the favor to marry my Agnes, who is nine +and twenty, an epitome of every feminine virtue, and, moreover, in love +with you?"</p> + +<p class="normal">This Agnes was her favorite pupil, the daughter of the district +physician, and, as I lived opposite to her house, our names had already +been associated by the gossips. It was by no means humiliating to be +suspected of cherishing a special liking for this exemplary and by no +means ugly girl. But, Good Heavens, I!</p> + +<p class="normal">I could only shake my head and answer: "Why do I not love your Agnes? +Because I don't want to marry a bundle of virtues, but one human being, +and in fact only that one who in my eyes will always be young, and whom +I desire to call mine in order to please no mortal save myself. +However, as you have so little love for me that you would willingly +serve as a match-maker in my behalf, it was of course folly to ask if +you would become Frau Johannes Weissbrod, and I therefore most humbly +beg your pardon."</p> + +<p class="normal">I rose with an uncontrollable sense of grief, and, scarcely bowing to +her, stalked away like a thoroughly rude, defiant man.</p> + +<p class="normal">The next day, it is true, I returned humbly, and remorsefully besought +her to forgive my spiteful escapade. She was quite right; I was nothing +but a crack-brained young man who grasped at the stars, and in doing so +fell on the ground. Frau Luise gazed silently into vacancy, and then +said: "The most difficult task and the one we learn latest is to cut +our garments according to the cloth, though we feel it will grow with +us. Let us say no more about it."</p> + +<p class="normal">I did not exactly understand what she meant. It became clear to me +afterward.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">We again lived on as before, and, after she had survived the spring +tempest, life seemed to become dear to her once more, though a slight +shadow rested on her brow. At Easter she gave her concert for the +benefit of the poor, which was a brilliant success. Her birthday came +just after Whitsuntide, and, in token of the love and gratitude of the +whole community, was to be celebrated with special pomp. I, of course, +began the festival with a morning serenade executed under her windows +by my pupils, after which she invited the whole choir in and treated +them to coffee and cakes. At ten o'clock the burgomaster's wife and her +most distinguished friends called, and attended her in a stately +procession down to the shore of the lake. There the greatest surprise +awaited her. The burgomaster had sent to Berlin several days before for +a machinist and some assistants to inspect the little steamer and put +her in safe condition to make an excursion over the mirror-like surface +of the lake. The boiler and engine were found to be still in tolerable +order, and a trial trip was taken at night whose result was perfectly +satisfactory.</p> + +<p class="normal">When we came down to the shore, the little vessel, gayly decked with +flags, hung with garlands of fir, and sending upward a light column of +smoke from its smokestack, looked extremely pretty and inviting; and +Frau Luise's eyes dilated with astonishment when she understood that +this smoke was floating from the stack, so long empty, in honor of her. +The burgomaster's wife and I led her across the long, swaying plank +that extended to the deck; but here she was so startled that she almost +made a misstep, for an exultant pæan suddenly resounded with such +vehement, youthful energy from invisible throats that it was almost too +much for her composure. Her pupils had posted themselves behind a +canvas awning, which was afterward drawn over the deck as a protection +from the sun, and in the excitement of the moment were singing the +festal melody I had composed and arranged with more regard to the +feelings of their hearts than the rules of art, by which state of +affairs neither words nor music were especially enhanced. However, in +the open air and amid the general emotion, this modest overture +performed its part acceptably. Then the deck suddenly became thronged +with joyous, loving faces; and, when the anchor was weighed and the +little vessel swept with majestic calmness through the glittering +water, first along the shore and then across the lake to the little +grove, while the chorus of fresh young voices, now mindful of every +nicety of execution they owed to their mistress, began the superb air, +"Who has Thee, Forest Fair--" I saw the sweet face of the woman I loved +illumined with gentle, divine emotion, and was forced to turn away that +my tears might fall into the water unobserved.</p> + +<p class="normal">But all this was merely the prelude to the festival. The banquet was +served in the wood, where, in an open space under tall fir-trees, stood +a large table adorned with bouquets and covered with dishes, which had +been brought there early in the morning, and received the last dressing +over an improvised hearth by some experienced housekeepers. Under the +seat that had been arranged for the heroine of the day lay the gift her +young friends had prepared, a large rug for her room, the work of many +industrious hands, and as gayly adorned with the most beautiful +garlands of roses and arabesques of violets as provincial love could +accomplish. Still, here amid the green foliage and before the festal +board, the strange work of art with its glaring colors and grotesque +flourishes looked very bright, and each of the fellow-workers won from +the deeply agitated recipient a kiss and clasp of the hand. After this +we took our places at the table, and began the feast with the best +possible appetite.</p> + +<p class="normal">Of course, there was no lack of admirable speeches, merry clinking of +glasses, and frequent embraces between the feminine members of the +party, during which I played the part of envious spectator. I also +contributed my shred to the general eloquence by emptying my glass to +the health of the six almshouse dames, who were seated in holiday garb +at the table below, and imagined themselves in Paradise--never had they +dreamed of such honors and delights on earth. Their patroness, the +queen, had not even been obliged to stipulate that they were not to +remain at home. The givers of the festival knew that without her +faithful followers something would be lacking from the pleasures of the +day.</p> + +<p class="normal">Of course, the meal did not pass without singing, and, when we had +risen from the table and were enjoying a little rest on the moss-grown +soil of the wood, the young ladies walked arm in arm in little groups +along the dusky woodland-paths, raising their voices in an alternative +melody very sweet to hear. All sorts of games followed, in which, +however, the presence of young men was secretly missed. I was malicious +enough to remain with the mothers or talk with the six or seven fathers +who had joined the party, in order not to go near Agnes, whom my cruel +friend, as a punishment for my sins, desired to force upon me as a +wife.</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw that the long-continued festivity was wearying her, though she +exerted herself to acknowledge, with unvarying winsomeness, the efforts +made by these worthy people. I heard her cough, so I drew the +burgomaster's wife aside and persuaded her to give the signal for +departure.</p> + +<p class="normal">After some delay and discussion we all went on board the steamer again, +and, making a wide sweep around the lake, returned to our harbor.</p> + +<p class="normal">Frau Luise stood on deck in the bow of the vessel with several of her +favorite pupils near her; no one uttered a word. We were allowing the +memories of this delightful day to re-echo in our hearts. Her head was +turned toward the west, where the sun was slowly sinking, and her dear +face and tall figure were warmly illumined by the crimson glow. With +what a youthful light her eyes sparkled! The silvery luster of her hair +had vanished in the golden radiance. It seemed impossible to believe +that this woman had just celebrated her forty-fourth birthday.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Sing something!" said Agnes, who stood nearest. "Ah, yes, do sing!" +entreated the others.</p> + +<p class="normal">She did not seem to have heard them. Yet suddenly, as if in a dream, +she sang, <i>mezza voce</i>, an Italian air, an aria from Paësiello, of +which she was especially fond. And, as the steamer swept on into the +crimson light, the song rose clearer and stronger till she poured forth +the full power of her voice, whose every note must have been distinctly +audible on the shore. The whole company had gradually glided closer to +us, and I saw by their rapt faces how they were enjoying the foreign +beauty of the melody, whose words no one understood. Even the people on +the shore, peasants with their carts and solitary pedestrians, stopped +as if enchanted, and gazed at the black ship slowly dividing the waves +bearing a singing nixie on her deck.</p> + +<p class="normal">Then the vessel turned, and the sun was behind us. The aria was +finished, and the burgomaster had given the signal for applause, in +which all joined with great fervor. When silence was restored, and the +group waited for the singing to be resumed, she began, without waiting +to be asked, Beethoven's "Knows't thou the Land!" which she had +transposed to suit the deeper notes of her voice. "Mignon certainly had +an alto voice," she once jestingly said to me. Never had I heard her +sing it so superbly, never heard the "Thither! thither!" express such +strong, sweet, uncontrollable yearning. We reached the landing-place +just as the last notes died away. The burgomaster was so deeply moved +that he forgot to applaud, went to her, and, with tears in his honest +old eyes, bent, seized both hands, and faltered: "I thank you, I thank +you a thousand times, madame! This is the fairest day of my life! You +have made us all happy."</p> + +<p class="normal">She smiled and looked at me. "It was my swan song," she said. "I fear I +shall be obliged to give up singing. Just hear how hoarse this little +exertion has suddenly made me."</p> + +<p class="normal">I saw her shiver slightly, and hastened to wrap a shawl around her. +"Good-night, my dear friends," she said. "I owe you all thanks for a +pleasure never to be forgotten. Forgive me for taking my leave so +abruptly. But this was a little too much joy for an old woman who has +not deserved so much love and kindness. No, I am perfectly well; a +little rest will make me quite myself again. My beautiful rug must be +put in my room at once. I will feast my eyes on the lovely flowers and +think of the dear givers till I fall asleep."</p> + +<p class="normal">She then shook hands with every one. As I helped her across the plank +to the shore, I felt the difficulty she experienced in holding herself +erect. "It is nothing, dear friend," she whispered hoarsely. "My heart +is as light as a bird's, only my limbs are heavy. My good mother Grabow +shall put me to bed. Perhaps I took cold in the wood. But you know I am +like a cork figure, my head is always uppermost. Good-night."</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal">I had by no means a good night. When, before school the next morning, I +inquired at the almshouse for Frau Luise, she was still asleep, that +is, she was lying in a feverish dream, raving incoherently without +recognizing any one. I spoke to the doctor, who had been already called +in the night. The old man had the thoughtful wrinkle between his bushy +eyebrows that always boded trouble.</p> + +<p class="normal">"But she is so strong and full of vital energy," I said.</p> + +<p class="normal">"The strongest constitutions fare the worst. But we can still hope, and +she could not be more carefully nursed if she were a princess."</p> + +<p class="normal">It was the same at noon. I spent the whole day with her, had a couch +made up for me in the music-room at night, and the following morning +sent a message to my friend the head teacher--who meantime had been +made superintendent of the school--requesting him to do me the favor to +take charge of my classes. I was unable to do my duty while my friend's +life was in danger.</p> + +<p class="normal">This lasted four, five days. The doctor shook his head more and more +despairingly. "I can give the disease no special name! It is a sort +of nervous fever, but in a very unusual form, and the ordinary remedies +do not avail. It is fortunate that she is unconscious. Only the +expression of pain on her face shows that she has a dull sense of the +life-and-death struggle raging in her frame."</p> + +<p class="normal">During those days it seemed as though the little almshouse had been +transferred to the heart of the city. Instead of being solitary and +deserted as usual, it was now constantly surrounded by a crowd of +persons of all ages and sexes, treading lightly with a sorrowful look +on their faces. They did not venture to ring the bell, and indeed it +was not necessary: one of the old dames was constantly cowering outside +of the door, and gave to all questions the same sad answer. When +prominent people came, I was obliged to go out and reply to the queries +myself. Every one thought it was a matter of course that I now belonged +to the household.</p> + +<p class="normal">Scarcely any change occurred in her critical condition, nothing save a +slight ebb and flow of the fever, a lower or louder intonation of the +voice, as she raved of the visions of her bewildered brain. Sometimes, +with wide-open eyes that rested on nothing, she repeated correctly and +distinctly a few lines from one of her husband's parts. Sometimes she +seemed to be talking with her son, and a happy smile that pierced me to +the heart flitted over her colorless lips. Sometimes she sang, but only +diatonic scales, and when her voice failed to reach the high notes she +shook her head mournfully, whispering: "Too high, too high! Trees must +not grow to the sky. Down! down! It is pleasant to dwell below."</p> + +<p class="normal">At such times I could not restrain my tears.</p> + +<p class="normal">But, on the fifth day, a crisis seemed imminent. The fever had lessened +several degrees; the old doctor's face, for the first time, wore a +hopeful look.</p> + +<p class="normal">He gave several directions, and promised to come in the next morning +earlier than usual. I could send home the young girls, who called at a +late hour to inquire, with a little hope, which, however, I did not +feel myself. Then I returned to my post. It was Mother Schulzen's turn +to keep watch that night, but she was so deaf that I could not trust +the invalid solely to her, though nothing would have induced her to go +to bed. She was sitting in a low chair by the wall, and, after keeping +herself awake for a while by knitting and taking snuff, at last fell +peacefully asleep.</p> + +<p class="normal">A lamp, protected by a green shade, was burning in the room; outside, +the moon was sailing through a cloudless sky; deep silence surrounded +us. Frau Luise had not uttered a word since noon, and for the first +time seemed to be quietly asleep.</p> + +<p class="normal">Suddenly--it was about ten o'clock--while I sat by the bed without +turning my eyes from her face, her eyes slowly opened and wandered +about the room with a strained gaze till they rested upon me. Then she +said, in a perfectly clear voice: "I feel wonderfully well!"</p> + +<p class="normal">After a pause, during which I scarcely ventured to breathe, as if the +slightest sound might drive the approaching convalescence away, she +murmured: "Are you here, dear friend? Have I slept long? How delightful +that I can see you as soon as I wake!"</p> + +<p class="normal">She moved her hand as if seeking something. I timidly clasped it, and +stooped to press my burning brow upon it. Just at that moment I felt +her other hand laid gently on my head, and, while stroking my hair, she +continued in the same calm voice:</p> + +<p class="normal">"My last hour is near, Johannes. But I am glad that I have waked once +more before the long night begins. I have something to say to you, my +friend. You know the tenor of my last will, and that I wish to be laid +in the church-yard outside with my old almshouse friends. If there is a +Day of Judgment, I would like to rise with my body-guard; they have +spoiled me; I could no longer do without their service. And let my +coffin be covered with the rug; afterward it shall belong to you. Do +you hear me? Come a little nearer. What I now have to say is to be a +secret between us two. I deceived you when I told you, a short time +ago, that I was not created to see the universe in a single individual. +It cost me no little effort, for my heart belied my lips. I should have +been very happy if I could have become your wife. I knew that long, +long ago--ever since the day you took our Joachimchen in your arms when +he grew weary and carried him home, I said to myself: 'Could I possess +this child and this man, no wish would remain ungratified.' But it +might not be. I was obliged to bury the child and hide my love for the +man in the inmost depths of my heart. But it always lived on there, and +now I can thank you, Johannes, for all the love and faith you have +lavished upon me. Lift my head a little--there--I want to see you +clearly once more, and--it is strange--my eyes are so heavy, though my +soul is awake."</p> + +<p class="normal">I helped her rise higher on her pillows, bowed my face nearer hers, and +saw her eyes fixed on me with strange brilliancy.</p> + +<p class="normal">"I love you, my friend," she said. "There is not one false line in your +face nor in your heart, but a great sorrow now fills both. Be happy, +dear one, and remember your friend without tears. Shall I not remain +with you, wherever I go? True, to see each other again--" She slowly +shook her head. "Ah, if I might only see you and my boy--but the other +masks--no, no! We have eaten at the table of life here below till we +are satisfied--or rather, we are wise and stop just when the food +tastes best; now others will sit in our chairs. But we will first +cordially wish each other 'a good appetite!' Come! kiss me once, just +as a loving husband kisses his beloved wife--then I will stretch myself +out and take my afternoon rest."</p> + +<p class="normal">My quivering lips touched her cool mouth. "Dear Johannes!" she +murmured, clasping my hand tightly as she fell back on the pillows. +Then she smiled once more, an unearthly smile, and closed her eyes. Her +hand trembled a little.</p> + +<p class="normal">An hour after it lay cold and still in mine.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p class="hang1"><a name="div2_01" href="#div2Ref_01">Footnote 1</a>: Bunzlau is famed for its pottery.--<span class="sc">Tr</span>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><a name="div2_02" href="#div2Ref_02">Footnote 2</a>: A round hole in a tailor's table, through which he brushes +useless bits of cloth, and--as is generally supposed--some that are +valuable.--<span class="sc">Tr</span>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><a name="div2_03" href="#div2Ref_03">Footnote 3</a>: An old coin, worth a little more than the groschen now in +general use; for a time both circulated together.--<span class="sc">Tr</span>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><a name="div2_04" href="#div2Ref_04">Footnote 4</a>: The bug-bear of German nurseries.--<span class="sc">Tr</span>.</p> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h3>THE END.</h3> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<h2><i>D. APPLETON & CO.'S PUBLICATIONS</i>.</h2> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<h3>PAUL HEYSE'S NOVELS.</h3> + +<p class="hang1"><b>THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS</b>. A LIFE-HISTORY. By +<span class="sc">Paul Heyse</span>, author of +"In Paradise," etc. Translated from the German by <span class="sc">J. M. Percival</span>. 12mo. +Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>IN PARADISE</b>. A NOVEL. From the German of +<span class="sc">Paul Heyse</span>. A new edition. In +two vols. 12mo, half bound (in boards, with red cloth backs and paper +sides). Price, for the two vols., $1.50.</p> + +<p class="normal">"We may call 'In Paradise' a great novel with the utmost confidence in +our judgment of it."--<i>N. Y. Evening Post</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>TALES OF PAUL HEYSE</b>. 16mo. Paper, 25 cents; cloth, 60 cents.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + + +<p class="normal"><b>ARIUS THE LIBYAN:</b> AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH. 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A TALE. 12mo, paper. 25 cents.</p> + +<p class="normal">This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the <i>London +Graphic</i>, appearing here in advance of its completion in London.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>GABRIELLE ANDRE</b>. 8vo, paper. 60 cents.</p> + + +<hr class="W20"> + +<p class="hang1"><b>THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND</b>. A NOVEL. By +<span class="sc">Maxwell Grey</span>. 12mo, paper. 50 +cents.</p> + +<p class="normal">"The Silence of Dean Maitland" is by a new English author who gives +promise in this striking story of a brilliant future. It is a novel of +a high intellectual order, strong in plot and character.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>A GAME OF CHANCE</b>. A NOVEL. By <span class="sc">Anne Sheldon Coombs</span>, author of "As Common +Mortals." 12mo. Cloth, $1.00.</p> + +<p class="normal">"A Game of Chance," by Mrs. Coombs, will, in its fresh and vigorous +character drawing, and its fidelity to American life, fully justify the +expectations awakened by her first novel, "As Common Mortals."</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>IN THE GOLDEN DAYS</b>. A NOVEL. By Edna Lyall, author of "Donovan," "We +Two," "Won by Waiting," "Knight-Errant." A new edition, uniform with +the author's other books. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50.</p> + +<p class="normal">"'In the Golden Days' is an excellent novel of a kind we are always +particularly glad to recommend. It has a good foundation of plot and +incident, a thoroughly noble and wholesome motive, a hero who really +acts and suffers heroically, and two very nice heroines. The historical +background is very carefully indicated, but is never allowed to become +more than background."--<i>Guardian</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>ARIUS THE LIBYAN</b>; AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE +CHURCH. <i>A new edition in new style, at a reduced price</i>. 12mo. Cloth, +$1.25.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Arius the Libyan" is a stirring and vivid picture of the +Christian Church in the latter part of the third and beginning of the +fourth century. It is an admirable companion volume to General +Wallace's "Ben Hur."</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>A DATELESS BARGAIN</b>. A NOVEL. By <span class="sc">C. L. Pirkis</span>, author of "Judith Wynne," +etc. 12mo. Paper cover, 30 cents.</p> + +<p class="normal">"A clever and interesting novel."--<i>London Literary World</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Mrs. Pirkis has supplied fresh proof of her skill in turning out very +good and workmanlike fiction."--<i>Academy</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>TEMPEST-DRIVEN</b>. A ROMANCE. 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The plot turns mainly upon romantic incidents connected with a +treasure buried in an old fort by the Spaniards at the time of their +occupancy.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>THE WITCHING TIME</b>: TALES FOR THE YEAR'S END. By +<span class="sc">F. Marion Crawford, W. +E. Norris, Laurence Alma Tadema, Vernon Lee, Edmund Gosse</span>, and others. +Uniform with "The Broken Shaft." 12mo. Paper cover, 25 cents.</p> + + +<p class="hang1"><b>KATY OF CATOCTIN; or, The Chain-Breakers</b>. A National Romance. By +<span class="sc">Geo. +Alfred Townsend</span>, "Gath." 12mo, cloth, $1.50.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Katy of Catoctin," now just published, is a stirring national romance, +opening with the raid of John Brown at Harper's Ferry and closing with +the death of Lincoln. It is a picturesque and romantic story, partly +historical and partly domestic, full of dramatic incidents, and marked +by vivid delineations of character.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND</b>. A Novel. 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New +Twenty-five Cent Series.</p> + +<p class="normal">This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the <i>London +Graphic</i>, appearing here in advance of its completion in London.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>DR. HEIDENHOFF'S PROCESS</b>. A Tale. By <span class="sc">Edward Bellamy</span>. New edition, 12mo, +paper, 25 cents.</p> + +<p class="normal">"It might have been written by Edgar Poe."--<i>The London Spectator</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Unlike any story we have seen, perfectly original and new."--<i>London +Daily News</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>DEAR LIFE</b>, A Novel. By <span class="sc">J. E. Panton</span>, author of "Jane Caldicott," "The +Curate's Wife," etc. 12mo, paper cover, 25 cents.</p> + +<p class="normal">"A good, strong story, well worked out, and told in straightforward +fashion.... The fundamental idea of Mr. Panton's plot is +novel."--<i>London Saturday Review</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>PEPITA XIMENEZ</b>. A Novel. 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Miss Lyall is a capable writer of fiction, and also a +clear-headed thinker."--<i>From the Athenæum</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"We recommend all novel-readers to read this novel with the care +which such a strong, uncommon, and thoughtful book demands and +deserves."--<i>From the Spectator</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>DONOVAN</b>; A MODERN ENGLISHMAN. By <span class="sc">Edna Lyall</span>. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Distinctly a novel with a high aim successfully attained. The +character-drawing is vigorous and truthful."--<i>Pall Mall Gazette</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"This story is told with vigor and Intelligence, and throughout the +book is well imagined and well written. It is a novel of sterling +merit, being fresh and original In conception, thoroughly healthy +in tone, interesting in detail, and sincere and capable in +execution."--<i>From the Academy</i>.</p> + +<p class="hang1"><b>THE ALIENS</b>. A Novel. By <span class="sc">Henry F. 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The scene of the story is laid in the western part of the State +of New York, about fifty years ago--the events coming down to the time +of the Mexican War.</p> + +<p class="normal">"He colors richly, warmly, and with the dash of an artist; ... and his +characters grow, and are not manufactured; ... the freshest and most +readable American novel of the season."--<i>Philadelphia Bulletin</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"The prevailing merit of the story is the vivid sense of reality which +the writer gives to scenes and characters; ... above all things, +interesting."--<i>Rochester Post-Express</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Not second to 'Trajan' in character-painting, felicity of diction, +well-managed conversations, pathos, and humor."--<i>Journal of Commerce</i>.</p> + +<p class="normal">"Thoroughly interesting in plot, and told with equal skill and +animation."--<i>Boston Gazette</i>.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr class="W20"> +<h4>New York: D. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Romance of the Canoness + A Life-History + +Author: Paul Heyse + +Translator: J. M. Percival + +Release Date: October 22, 2010 [EBook #33879] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Bowen, from page images provided by Google Books + + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + 1. Page scan source: + http://books.google.com/books?id=E1ETAAAAYAAJ&dq + 2. The diphthong oe is represented by [oe]. + + + + + + + THE ROMANCE + + OF THE CANONESS. + + + + _A LIFE-HISTORY_ + + + + BY + PAUL HEYSE + AUTHOR OF "IN PARADISE," ETC. + + + + TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN BY + J. M. PERCIVAL + + + + + NEW YORK + D. APPLETON AND COMPANY + 1887 + + + + + + + Copyright, 1887, + By D. APPLETON AND COMPANY. + + + + + + + NOTE BY THE TRANSLATOR. + + +The title of this book, in the German, is "Der Roman der Stiftsdame," +_stiftsdame_ being rendered in this version _canoness_. It is desirable +to explain that _stiftsdame_ is the name given to a female member of +certain religious communities or orders, originally Roman Catholic, the +members of which lived in common but without taking monastic vows. +After the Reformation, Protestant houses of a similar kind were +organized. The privileges of these communities are often secured by +noblemen for their daughters, who may at any subsequent period enter +the stift or chapter of the order, but who forfeit this right in case +of marriage. + + + + + + THE + ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS. + + +In June, 1864, a visit I had promised to pay one of the friends of my +youth led me into the heart of the province of Brandenburg. I could +travel by the railway as far as the little city of St. ----, but from +this place was compelled to hire a carriage for two or three miles, as +the estate, which my friend had owned several years, did not even +possess the advantage of a daily stage. So, on reaching St. ----, +I applied to the landlord of the "Crown-Prince"--who was also +postmaster--for a carriage, and, as it was past three o'clock in the +afternoon, and the drive over shadeless roads in the early heat of +summer would not be particularly agreeable, I begged him not to hurry, +but give me time to have a glimpse of the little city and its environs. + +The landlord replied that the poor little place had no sights worth +looking at. As a native of a great capital who had removed to the +province, he displayed a compassionate contempt for his present +residence. The situation was not bad, and the "lake" the most +abundantly stocked with fish in the whole Mark. If I kept straight on +in that direction--he pointed across the square marketplace on which +his hostelry stood--I should get a view of the water just beyond the +city-wall. + +To a traveler who is less thoroughly familiar with the local history of +the Mart than my friend, Theodor Fontane, and who suddenly finds +himself transferred from the capital to the province, one of these +little cities looks very much like another. The first feeling amid the +neat little houses--most of them only a story high, while walking over +the rough pavement kept as clean as the floor of an old maid's room, or +passing through the quiet squares planted with acacias or ancient +lindens, where nothing is stirring save flocks of noisy sparrows--is a +secret doubt whether real people actually dwell here, people who take +an active interest in the life of the present day, or whether we have +not strayed into a pretty, gigantic toy village, which has merely been +set up here for a time and will soon be taken down and packed into +boxes like Nuremberg carvings. + +This impression of fairy illusion and enchantment, which would speedily +vanish, was enhanced by the sultry calm, portending an approaching +thunder-storm, that brooded over the streets and squares and kept the +inhabitants indoors. Here and there I saw behind the glittering +window-panes the face of an old woman or a fair-haired young girl, not +peering out between the pots of geranium and cactus to look after the +stranger with provincial curiosity, but gazing into vacancy with a +strange expression of gentle melancholy. The few persons I met in the +street also wore this pensive look, as if some great universal calamity +had happened, which quenched the cheerfulness of even the most +indifferent. + +I therefore pursued my walk somewhat cheerlessly, and not until I had +reached the wall, which rose to a moderate height on both sides of the +ancient city-gate, did the oppression of this sultry afternoon calm +abandon me. Not less than four rows of the most magnificent old trees, +among which several huge maples and chestnuts stretched their gigantic +branches skyward, cast a broad belt of shade over the dreary little +place, and were not only animated by the notes of birds, but by the +shouts and laughter of countless children, who had seen the light of +the world in the silent houses. Their nurses sat knitting and gossiping +on the numerous benches; yet even on their faces I fancied I perceived +the sorrowful expression I had noticed in the other inhabitants of the +city. + +It would have been pleasant to linger here in the shade among the +little ones. But I remembered that I must do my duty as a tourist and +see the lake, which even the postmaster had mentioned approvingly. At +the end of a long avenue of poplars, leading from the gate over the +level plain, I saw the white-capped waves sparkling in the sunlight, +and quickened my pace in order to return the sooner to the cool shade +of the dense foliage. + +Yet the scene that opened below, before my gaze, was indeed wonderfully +charming. A bright, semicircular basin, as clear as a mirror, whose +circuit it would probably have required a full hour to make, lay amid +the most luxuriant green meadows and a few tilled fields, in which the +lighter hue of the young grain stood forth in strong relief. The shore +was encircled by a dense border of sedges, whose brown tops, whenever a +faint breeze blew, waved gently to and fro as though stirred by their +own weight. The opposite bank, which rose in a gradual ascent, was +clothed with a dark grove of firs, whose reddish trunks were reflected +in the water, and around whose tops hovered flocks of crows and jays, +whose harsh screams ever and anon interrupted the oppressive silence. + +The avenue of poplars led directly to the harbor, which was marked by +half a dozen gayly painted boats. These had been drawn up on the sand, +but their owners had not thought it worth while to fasten them to a +stake, as if it would be quite impossible for them to voluntarily drift +away from the shore. Near these skiffs I was surprised by the sight of +a steamer, similar in size and form to the coasters so much used in the +German Ocean. The light green garlands of fir, with which it was +profusely adorned, formed a strange contrast to its slanting smokestack +and the damaged condition of the deck-rail. But I looked about me in +vain for some person who might have told me how this craft, which must +have once seen better days, had reached the quiet inland lake and been +decked in its gay festal array, like a shame-faced old man holding a +jubilee. + +Still keeping my eyes fixed on the opposite grove, I strolled slowly +along the broad path by the shore of the lake, unheeding the sun, as a +refreshing coolness rose from the water. But ere I had advanced a +hundred paces I discovered, half hidden behind some tall lindens, +several lonely buildings, a long, narrow, gable-roofed house, without +any architectural ornamentation, which looked more like a store-house +than a dwelling, yet showed by the little white curtains at the +window-frames, and the flowering plants inclosed by trellis-work +fences, that human beings lived there. A few low huts or sheds adjoined +it in the rear, the long front faced the lake; but the view was here +partly cut off by a little church or chapel, also of the plainest +structure, and so low that a man on horseback might have easily glanced +into the swallows' nests under its weather-beaten roof. Yet the poor +little church, with its four blind arched windows and tiny steeple, +looked cheerful and picturesque, for an ancient ivy had climbed the +narrow rear wall, and, while the trunk clung naked and bare to the +masonry, the luxuriant branches, twining over cornice and roof, had +flung a thick mantle over the shoulders of the shabby building. + +Here, too, all was desolate and silent. But a peasant lad, who had been +fishing in the lake and was now running home, answered my queries so +far as to enable me to learn that the long building was the almshouse, +and the chapel belonged to it, but there were no religious services +held there now; and no one, except the paupers, were buried in the +little grave-yard, whose sunken, slanting black crosses gleamed from +under the shadow of the lindens. When I asked if I could go into the +chapel, the child stared at me in astonishment, shook his flaxen head, +and sped away on his little bare feet as swiftly as though the earth +was beginning to scorch them. + +I now walked slowly around the chapel, and approached the house. +Standing on a little bench in the flower-garden, before an open window, +was a tall figure clad in black, gazing motionless into the dwelling. +He was apparently a man of middle age, with smooth, brown hair, which +fell slightly over a high forehead. The profile, whose noble lines +denoted marked character, was strongly relieved against the whitewashed +wall; the sun shone fiercely on his head and back, but, without heeding +it, he held his hat before him in both hands, and did not even turn +when I passed. The sound of my steps apparently did not reach his ear. +His coat was old-fashioned in cut, but his appearance was by no means +provincial. I would gladly have accosted him, had it not seemed as if +he were listening to something, inaudible to me, that was being said +inside the room. + +So I quietly passed him and went to the gable side of the house. On the +steps in front of the open door sat an aged dame, stooping so far +forward that her big black crepe cap shaded the tiny old book she held +in her lap. A pair of large horn spectacles rested on the open pages, +and her sharp red nose nodded strangely like the beak of a bird that is +trying to peck at something. She was not asleep, for she sometimes +sighed so heavily that the capstrings under her withered chin trembled. +Then her yellow shriveled hand grasped a small lead box lying on the +stone step beside her, and she took a pinch of snuff. + +"Can you still read, mother?" I asked, stopping before her. + +She looked up at me without the slightest sign of surprise. The stern, +withered old face wore the anxious expression of a deaf person. + +I repeated my question. + +"Not so very well, sir," she replied in her Mark dialect. "When one has +seventy-seven years on one's back the old eyes are of little use. But I +can still manage tolerably with the hymn-book. I need only see the +numbers and the big letters at the beginning to remember the whole at +once; and if I can't get one verse exactly right, I think of the next +one. Whoever has had experiences, and fears and loves the Lord, can +make a verse for many a hymn in the book." + +"You have a beautiful spot for your old age, mother, and are well taken +care of, it seems to me." + +The aged dame wore a new dark calico dress, and over her thin shoulders +lay a black shawl, which, spite of the heat, she had pinned close. + +"It's very comfortable, my dear sir, it's very comfortable," she +replied, taking a pinch of snuff with her trembling hand. "The Canoness +said so, too; that's why she didn't wish to go away again, not even +when they wanted to take her to the castle. But she planted the +flowers, and we have only kept our gardens so neat since she has been +here. Well, everything will soon be at sixes and sevens again. You see, +when I first came, thirteen years ago, just after my husband and my +eldest daughter died, and there wasn't a soul to care for Mother +Schulzen, I thought I should lead a wretched life in the almshouse. A +silver groschen every day, free lodging, peat, and light, six groschen +every quarter for beer money, and a bit of land where everybody can +plant potatoes--that was hardly enough for a living. Dear me! A person +who hasn't much is soon satisfied, and there is apt to be something put +by for a rainy day. When the Canoness first came, though she had +nothing herself, yet she always found something to give away. See, she +gave me this woolen petticoat"--she pulled her dress up to her knees to +show it--"on her last birthday, and the shawl at Christmas. That's why +I wear it in her honor to-day, though it's certainly warm; but I want +to look respectable when I follow the body, for a woman like her won't +come again, and, as the hymn says: + + 'Alas, my Saviour, must Thou die, + That we the heirs of life may be? + Let not Thy woes, grief, agony, + On us be lost, but win to Thee.'" + +She muttered to herself for a while, with her chin buried in her shawl, +and seemed to have entirely forgotten my presence. + +"Mother," I began after a time, "you are always talking about a +Canoness. Is there a chapter-house in this neighborhood?" + +The old dame slowly raised her head and scanned me with a +half-suspicious, half-pitying look. + +"Why, what a question!" she said at last. "I suppose you don't belong +here, my dear sir; but you must live very far away, for everybody in +the neighborhood knows who the Canoness was, and that she died three +days ago and will be buried to-day. Have you never heard of +Spiegelberg, her husband, who is now standing before the throne of God? +She belonged to a noble family, and her cousin, the baron, when he +visited her, took me aside and said: 'I hope, Mother Schulzen, that you +don't let my cousin want for anything here.' Good Heavens! What we poor +old women could do to make her life easy--especially I! For she always +showed me the greatest kindness, and the teacher and I were with her in +her last hour. Yes! yes! If anybody had told me that such a poor, +useless body would close her eyes, and yet must creep about here on +earth a while longer, while she, who was still in her prime--But +perhaps you would like to see her? There is time enough. She is to be +buried at four, and the whole town will be present, and not a dry eye +in the throng, for nobody else in the whole place had gifts like hers; +and now they will see what we had in her, we old creatures especially, +for no one like her will come again--never again--never again--" + +She shook her head mournfully as she spoke, but her weary, reddened +eyes were tearless, and, rising with some difficulty, she took up her +hymn-book, spectacles, and snuff-box, and, beckoning to me to follow, +hobbled through the entrance--the door stood ajar--into the long +corridor which divided the interior of the dwelling into two equal +parts. + +It was pleasantly cool inside, only a strong smell of vinegar tainted +the air and enhanced the feeling of uneasiness with which I had +entered. It was uncanny to be conducted to the abode of death by this +old crone, incessantly mumbling her song of Destiny, while out-of-doors +the bright young summer was wandering over the fields. The bare hall, +too, from which opened more than a dozen whitewashed doors, had no +inviting aspect, especially as several dark figures, all dressed very +much like my guide, were crouching on little benches along the walls, +whispering together and casting distrustful glances at me. I afterward +learned that the almshouse had been erected for a pest-house centuries +before, when the Black Death was devastating the land, and afterward +remained a long time vacant and shunned, until it was at last converted +into a poor-house, and the chapel was rebuilt. But how had the Canoness +come under this humble roof? + +Mother Schulzen had already opened the first door on the left, and I +entered a large room with two windows. In the center stood a piano, a +number of plain, rush-bottomed chairs were ranged along the walls, a +rack containing music-books stood on the table between the clean white +curtains. "She gave her singing-lessons here," the old dame said; "the +next room was her sleeping-chamber, where she died." + +She opened the door of the adjoining room as gently as if she feared to +wake some sleeper, and let me stand on the threshold. + +I saw a light, square chamber, through whose one window the sun was +shining. These walls, too, were merely whitewashed, but they were +adorned with a few engravings in dark wooden frames, and the simple but +tasteful furniture, a sofa with a bright calico cover, a book-case, +a chest of drawers, a bed with white curtains, the flowers on the +window-sill, would have made a cheerful impression, had not a coffin +stood on a low trestle in the middle of the room. Over the shining +boards was flung a large, gayly embroidered rug, whose artistically +wrought flowers and vines were almost entirely concealed by garlands of +natural blossoms. The dead woman was attired in a plain white shroud; +the head was toward the window; at the feet lay a large laurel wreath +tied with a broad white satin bow; the hands, which were large, but +very beautiful in shape, rested on the bosom, but were not clasped; the +head inclined a little to the right, so that I could see it perfectly +from the threshold. + +There was nothing to inspire horror; a quiet, mysterious charm pervaded +the features, which, spite of the silvery hue of the smoothly brushed +hair, still wore a look of youth: it was the face of a beautiful woman +in her prime, who had lain down on her last couch in the full vigor of +life. I said to myself that to have known this sleeper, while living, +must have been no ordinary happiness, and those whom she had chosen for +her friends had been most fortunate. A feeling of regret stole over me +that I had never pressed that firm hand, nor heard a word from those +calmly closed lips, never seen the face brightened by a smile. + +Who was she? How had this noble woman condescended to make one of the +number of the inmates of the almshouse, and who had laid the laurel +wreath at her feet? + +My eyes quitted the pallid face a moment and wandered to the sunny +window. There I saw the mute figure, clad in black, still gazing +fixedly in. He did not even seem to see me, but stood motionless, +watching the lifeless form, of which only the head and the tips of the +feet were visible to him. I now distinctly saw large tears gush from +his dilated, motionless eyes, and course down his pale cheeks. + +"Mother," I asked softly, "who is the man outside of the window?" + +I had forgotten that her deafness would prevent her understanding me. +Just at that moment a clear little bell began to ring from the steeple +of the chapel. The old dame looked up. + +"It is four o'clock," she said; "the services will begin. You can't +stay here any longer, sir; the pastor and the others will come +directly. But if you stand by the trellis outside you can see +everything. Oh, dear! Now the sad end is coming! But God's will be +done! Only, may it be my turn soon. Come, sir, there are the bearers." + +Six men in long black coats entered, and I was obliged to leave the +room. In the corridor I met the pastor in his robes, and a tall, +broad-shouldered man, with a sorrowful face--the burgomaster, the old +dame whispered. Outside the house a large crowd of people had +assembled, who eyed me with surprise and curiosity. Most of them were +women in mourning-garments, but in their midst was a group of young +girls dressed in white, with large black bows, and black veils on their +heads. Each carried a garland of flowers on her arm, and the eyes of +all were full of tears. I perceived that, as a total stranger, I ought +to keep myself as much out of sight as possible, and hurried around the +house to a post by the garden-fence, whence I could overlook the chapel +and the cemetery. + +The solitary man in the black coat had disappeared. + +The bell continued to toll, the birds twittered in the linden boughs, +but spite of the surging throng the spot was otherwise so still that we +could distinctly hear the coffin-lid screwed on. A few minutes after, +the funeral procession began to move, headed by the pastor; then came +the bearers with the coffin, over which hung the gay rug covered with +garlands, close behind it the aged paupers, six in number, then the +young girls, two by two, carrying their wreaths, and behind them the +burgomaster and many stately men, evidently the dignitaries of the +little place. Last of all came the women and less important citizens, +in such a throng that the open space between the house and the +chapel was filled with the crowd. But scarcely had the pastor +entered the consecrated ground, when, from behind a dense clump of +elderberry-bushes on the edge of the cemetery, floated the notes of a +chant, a beautiful, simple melody, wholly unfamiliar to me, which +did not sound as if it came from a hymn-book. Clear, boyish voices, +well-trained, fresh, and pure, as children alone sing ere they have +learned to understand the solemnity of death and can not belie their +joyousness even in a dirge. + +There were only three verses, then the clergyman began his address, of +which I could distinguish but a few words in my distant corner. But it +must have been very touching, for all present showed the deepest +emotion, and the suppressed sobbing was communicated to the farthest +ranks. I regretted that I had not ventured nearer, I so much desired to +know who this noble woman was, and why she had enjoyed such universal +reverence and love. + +But I could only indistinctly see the pastor raise his hand to bless +first the open grave and then the mourning parish, the young girls +approach and throw their wreaths upon the coffin, and the whole +assembly press forward to scatter a handful of earth upon the flowers. +During this ceremony, which occupied some time, the boys' voices were +again raised, and this time I plainly heard the words: + + "Like her in sweet repose, + All the sainted--" + +and, as a sunbeam now pierced the elder-bushes, I saw the bared head of +the man at the window, who was standing among the young singers, slowly +and solemnly beating time with his hand. + +The little bell had stopped ringing, the throng noiselessly dispersed +without the unfeeling buzz and murmur which usually rise at once when +people have merely dutifully paid the last honors to one who has +departed from their midst. I remained quietly in my place watching the +throng move off in the direction of the town, while the old dames, +coughing and panting, returned home. My intention was to approach the +lonely man, who I thought would be the last to quit the grave, and +modestly express my desire to learn some particulars of the dead woman. +But when I entered the cemetery and glanced toward the elder-bushes, +there was no trace of him. + +It was now quite time for me to return to the hotel, where my carriage +must already be waiting. I consoled myself by the belief that the +postmaster would undoubtedly be fully informed about the Canoness. The +pale, still face, with the silvery halo around the head, in the +mysterious twilight, still hovered before me, and I quickened my pace +to obtain a solution of the mystery. + +The path I took through the grain-fields, along whose edges grew small +cherry-trees, did not lead me back to the city-gate, but to a different +part of the wall, which I found entirely deserted. There was not a +single baby-carriage, nor a pedestrian resting on any of the benches. +Yet it was pleasant to saunter along in the shade, and I lapsed into a +comfortable, dreamy state, which is really the greatest advantage of +travel, because we shake off our daily dull routine of occupation, and, +in some strange manner, feel as if we had just dropped from the moon +and were strangers in this world, to whom the most trivial thing +appears new and wonderful. + +Suddenly I stopped. Sitting on the next bench, in front of me, I saw +the man in the black coat whom I had just vainly sought. He was +evidently so much absorbed in his own thoughts that he did not hear me, +but sat gazing out over the open country and the waters of the lake, or +rather at the little chapel and the small portion of the almshouse +cemetery visible from this point. I could now obtain a near view of his +delicate, regular features, and was particularly struck by the +beautiful arch of the brow, and the character expressed in the nose, +which was by no means small. His hat lay on the bench at his side, and +his clasped hands rested on his knee. + +He now perceived me, but remained perfectly motionless, as if he could +thereby render himself invisible and induce me to pass on. + +But I was not disposed to let the favorable chance slip. + +"Allow me to sit with you a moment, sir," I said. "I am passing through +here on a journey, and am somewhat fatigued by rambling about. I must +set out again in fifteen minutes, much as I regret not becoming more +familiar with the pretty town. A walk on the walls like this can not be +easily found, far or near." + +He made no reply, merely bent his head slightly and took up his hat to +give me the other half of the bench. I sat down, and we remained silent +for a time. + +"Pardon me," I said at last, "if I seem intrusive, and perhaps disturb +you in a mood in which one prefers to be entirely alone. But I was a +witness of the funeral that has just taken place, and, as the image of +the lifeless form I saw just before in the coffin has haunted me ever +since, and I fancied I read a remarkable destiny on the noble brow, you +can probably understand that I am reluctant to leave here without +learning some particulars of her fate. One of the old women in the +almshouse below gave me some information which, though very vague and +insufficient, only increased my interest. You seem to have been on more +intimate terms with this universally respected woman. If you would see +a better motive in my question than idle curiosity, I should be very +grateful to you for any details of her life you might be willing to +give." + +I saw a faint flush mount into his face. He gazed steadily into vacancy +for a while, as if irresolute what to answer. Suddenly he seized his +hat, rose, and, bowing to me, said: + +"Pardon me, sir--I have--my time will not permit--I wish you a pleasant +journey." + +Then he turned and walked away with long, but not hurried steps, while +I remained on the bench in a mood of painful discomfiture. + +At first I was uncertain whether I had done wrong, or merely applied to +the wrong person. But I soon distinctly perceived that the fault was +mine. This resident of the provinces, on whose deep grief I had +intruded with a bold question, as if he must consider it an honor to +afford a traveler information about anything worthy of note, even if it +concerned his most sacred private feelings, had given me a well-merited +lesson. How indelicate to put the question point-blank, without any +introduction, like a police-officer inspecting a passport, and, ere the +tears were fairly dry on his lashes, request from him an obituary of +the dead woman, such as a newspaper reporter would unfeelingly insert +in a daily journal. Perhaps, had I been more considerate of his +feelings, cautiously gained his confidence without revealing my +object--! But, as it was, I ought not to complain of having received a +refusal, whose manner showed that I had addressed a cultivated man. + +At last, very much displeased with myself, I rose and tried to reach my +hotel by the shortest cut. Even the desire to question the postmaster +had deserted me. I would gladly have driven the Canoness--who was now +associated with a humiliating remembrance--entirely out of my mind, +and, in fact, at that time I was to learn nothing more about her. My +light carriage stood waiting in front of the house, but the landlord +had been suddenly called away on some business; so I remained no longer +than to drink a little wine and seltzer-water, for my tongue was +parched, and then urged the driver to hurry that I might reach my +destination before night. + +Even at my friend's house I did not mention my experiences in St. ----. +As he had only lived in the neighborhood a short time, and was +completely engrossed by his immediate duties and occupations, he had +scarcely had an opportunity to become familiar with the local history +of the place. Only it chanced to be mentioned that the dismantled +coasting-steamer had belonged to a bankrupt firm and been taken by one +of the creditors, who had hoped to sell it again for the value of the +material. As it did not immediately find a purchaser, he had had the +worn-out invalid brought to the inland lake, where it was now enjoying +rest from its labors. + +I spent a few refreshing days in my friend's pretty house, which +unfortunately was situated in a most prosaic neighborhood, and when I +returned to Berlin the memory of the hour in the cemetery had already +become considerably fainter. + +But, like every reminder of our weaknesses and follies, it never wholly +vanished. So no one will marvel that I was most agreeably surprised +when, a year afterward, I received by mail a heavy parcel, accompanied +by the following lines: + + +MOST HONORED SIR: Unfortunately, I am not so happy as to be able to +present myself as a total stranger. For I must commence my letter by +apologizing for an offense committed more than a year ago, when I had +the honor of making your acquaintance, if this word can be applied to a +meeting in which both persons remained wholly unknown to each other. + +True, I am ignorant whether you have retained any recollection of the +uncourteous person who had no other reply to a friendly question than +to quit you so abruptly. You are living in the current of the world, +which washes away so many trivial things, and effaces old impressions +with a thousand new ones. An inhabitant of the provinces, of my +temperament, has nothing to interrupt him in the unpleasant task of +thrusting still deeper into his flesh, in the endeavor to withdraw +them, the thorns implanted by a fleeting moment. + +Directly after leaving you I had, it is true, no other unpleasant +feeling than that a total stranger had disturbed me amid the indulgence +of a fresh sorrow. But at the end of an hour, when I recalled your +words and tones, and the gestures accompanying them, I was seized with +shame for my boorish conduct. You had been present at the funeral, had +even gazed with deep interest at the face of the dead: what was more +natural than that you should marvel how that queenly head could rest on +the hard pillow of an almshouse coffin, though the mourning of a whole +city followed it? And how could you suspect that the man to whom you +applied for information suffered most keenly from the universal loss, +and at that hour had so bitter a taste of the earth-mold on his tongue +that he could not have uttered a word, had his own brother accosted +him? + +When I clearly perceived this, and had partly regained my calmness, I +hurried to the hotel, firmly intending to apologize for my incivility +and tell you at least enough to have enabled you to understand my +sorrowful obduracy. You had already continued your journey. I only +found your name in the landlord's book, and doubly regretted my +unseemly conduct. I was familiar with some of your books, and said to +myself that you, of all men, could not have spoken from mere empty +curiosity, but from genuine interest in everything relating to human +nature, and you, if any one, would have been capable of feeling with me +that the death of such a woman is a loss to the whole world. + +What had happened could not be altered, but, to somewhat alleviate the +discomfort of my regrets, I began the very next day to write down, for +my justification and penance, everything I had left unsaid, intending +to lay it before you and thereby obtain absolution for the sin of +silence I had formerly committed. + +I meant to be very brief. But my heart took possession of my pen, and +the short narrative of this remarkable life has become a shapeless +"history in detail," whose swelling daily alarmed me, though I was +unable to confine the overflowing torrent of memories into a narrower +channel. + +I have spent a whole year in writing, as I only found leisure for it +during a few evening hours, and often for weeks together could not find +courage to summon up the spirits of the departed. Will you have +patience to read to the end? Far more important persons and destinies +have passed before your notice, and you will more than once have +occasion to smile at the value attached to apparently trivial incidents +by a person whose horizon is so limited as that of my insignificant +self. Besides, I am a clumsy writer, and do not understand the literary +art of polishing even a pebble till in the sunlight it looks like a +costly gem. + +Yet, even if you merely cast a pitying glance at these memoranda, I +think I can venture to promise that the principal character in this +true story will fix your interest and win from you the acknowledgment +that it was worth while to follow her unusual life-path with the care +of a truth-loving chronicler. + +So I trustfully commit to you the clumsy manuscript, which I entreat +you to burn after you have read it. It owes its existence solely to my +purpose of paying my debt to you, and with sincere respect, I am + + Your devoted + + Johannes Theodor Weissbrod, + + _ex-Cand. Theol_. + + +I confess that, in spite of this letter, whose simple, amiable style +recalled to me every feature of the writer's face, so full of feeling, +I took up the bulky manuscript with a certain dread. More than three +hundred closely written pages--who could tell with how much theological +speculation the simple life-history had been garnished. But the very +first pages dispelled the doubt, and the farther I read the more eager +was my interest in both contents and narrative. When I laid the last +sheets down, I said to myself aloud: Yes, it was indeed worth while. + +With this opinion I instantly wrote to the author, begging him not to +confine this confession to ourselves, but by its publication edify all +who, in our hurried and corrupt age, had preserved minds capable of +appreciating simple grandeur of soul and the natural nobility of +humanity. + +He did not keep me waiting long for his answer. + +"Dearest sir and friend," he wrote--"for the friends of our friends are +ours, and the warmth with which you speak of my departed friend +justifies me in believing that you cherish a kindly feeling toward me +also--no, I can not bring myself to regard this account of my most +private experiences as a literary production, and appear in it before +the cold eyes of the public. Apart from all other considerations, +however, the careless, thoroughly untrained literary style appears to +me an unconquerable obstacle. Yet, if you would undertake to subject +these pages to a thorough revision, provide the splendid kernel which +is no merit of mine, with a new and more fitting husk! But, even then, +I could not wholly conquer my secret reluctance. I live in complete +seclusion; those who know me best, with the exception of one friend of +my youth, regard me as a mere commonplace day-laborer in the shape of a +pedagogue. The publication of such a work would suddenly render me an +'object of notice,' and nothing is less readily forgiven in a +provincial sphere than any departure from the every-day routine of +existence. + +"But I will say this, my honored friend: If my unpretending story +really seems to you so valuable that you desire to save it from a fiery +death, keep the volume till I am no more. You will then be at liberty +to publish it--of course, with the abridgment necessary where my +personal interest has made me unwarrantably garrulous, and the omission +of the guide-posts that would point out persons still living, or the +descendants of certain families. The names of cities and communities +ought also in justice to be suppressed. Nothing appears to me more +contemptible than the modern effort to attain, by the disclosure of +actual events, a success which mere skillful literary invention could +not have hoped to secure. + +"For the rest, I am entirely of your opinion that a life like the one +described here is well fitted to set an example, and that it seems +almost a duty to transmit the memory of so rare and lofty a human +character to future generations." + + +This was the last direct communication I had from the admirable man. I +did not venture to make any further effort to shake his resolution, and +for two decades his manuscript was carefully treasured in my desk. + +Early this year I received a letter, written by an unknown hand, and +bearing the postmark of the city in the Mark. The principal of the +grammar-school there informed me that his friend, after having enjoyed +the best possible health to the last, had been found one morning dead +in his bed! He had been buried, according to the directions of his +will, in the almshouse church-yard, by the side of the Canoness, amid +the sincere grief of the whole community. Among his papers had been +found the request that I should be informed of his demise. + +So I may doubtless consider myself as his executor in at least bringing +the following pages from their concealment. While re-reading them I +have made only the most modest use of the authority to erase and alter +at pleasure--only here and there a certain inequality of style will +show that another hand has interposed to make some obscure passage +clearer, or correct some awkward expression. In the main, I have left +everything as I found it; for it seems to me that the unassuming series +of pictures in this biographical romance, as it may be called, would +scarcely have gained greater vivacity and charm by a more careful +grouping or more artistic execution, while the impression of simple +truthfulness might have been impaired. With little art, clear wit and +sense suggest their own delivery; and, I may add, that as the love of a +warm and noble heart transfigures even the most insignificant +countenance from whose eyes it shines, much more does it illuminate +features as expressive and beautiful as those that look forth at us +from between the lines of this narrative. + + + + + + HERR WEISSBROD'S STORY. + + + + + I. + + +I must preface the following record with the entreaty that it may not +be regarded as puerile vanity if I begin with my insignificant self and +allow my own personality to appear in the course of my story more +frequently than it may deserve. The nature of the case requires it. My +own valueless destiny is as inseparably connected with the life of the +principal personage as the insignificant thread is a part of the pearl +necklace whose costly gems are strung upon it. Unfortunately, there are +some parts where the jewels are missing, and then only the gray thread +appears. But I will try to make these spaces as short as possible; for +I am only too well aware that my own existence has merely gained what +little worth it possesses because Providence brought me into the +vicinity of so rare a creature, and permitted me to move around her and +receive light and warmth, as a planet from the sun. + +True, I certainly did not begin life with so modest an estimate of +myself. Nay, I imagined that I was well fitted to let my light shine as +the center of a little planetary system of my own. At a very early age +I was praised in my family and notorious among my school-fellows as a +pattern boy, and the blows I received from the latter--and had richly +deserved by my ridiculous boasting--only helped to increase my +arrogance. All exalted minds, I said to myself, have been obliged to +atone for their superiority by calamity and persecution. Nay, I even +went so far as to compare myself with the Son of man, and should not +have been surprised had some Herod yearned for the life of the child +who felt himself destined to redeem the poor, sinful world, and +meanwhile showed his teachers in the town-school contemptible cajolery +and faultlessly written exercises. + +When I was fourteen my father, who was a true Christian and a faithful +servant of the Word, was transferred from the town parish to be +superintendent in Berlin. My mother had died young, and my father, who +was completely absorbed in his official duties, left me--with too much +confidence--to myself. An elderly, somewhat weak-minded aunt, who even +in the great city kept house for us, regarded me as a small miracle, +and, therefore, had neither judgment nor power to uproot the weeds of +spiritual arrogance from my heart. The latter had already flourished so +rankly that they continued to grow luxuriantly even in the freer air of +the capital. When, at eighteen, I entered the university, I instantly +formed a pietistical society, which behaved almost like a students' +consistory. We preached to each other to our hearts' content, debated +the most difficult theological points of controversy, wrote hymns, +which I set to music and accompanied on our harmonium; in short, we +were a set of insufferable young saints, not a single one of whom, +had he knocked at the door of heaven with his long locks and meekly +turned-down collar, would Saint Peter have admitted. + +I need scarcely state that I held aloof from all worldly amusements, +considered the theatre a vestibule of hell, and the other beautiful +arts as mere pagan jugglery. But the thing that now seems to me the +drollest of all is the relation I then occupied toward the female sex. +With the best intentions, I could imagine pure maids and matrons in no +other guise than as a devout congregation in Sunday attire, gazing +upward in gentle ecstasy at their pastor, and drinking in with fervent +gratitude the heavenly dew that fell from his lips. In some far remote +background of time I beheld one of these humble creatures nestling in +my embrace, trembling in the ecstasy of her bliss, and overwhelmed with +gratitude at the knowledge of being chosen before all her sisters to +stand by the side of the man of God--whom she had long secretly +worshiped--as his unworthy wife, iron his snow-white bands, embroider +his slippers, and write down his sermon every Sunday. + +In this state of supernal self-glorification, I considered it only +natural that, as soon as I had passed my examination with special +brilliancy, and crossed the threshold of the position of candidate, the +most advantageous projects should open to me from more than one +direction. My dear father's heart was far too kind, and he practiced +the injunction of Christian charity of his own impulse in too wide a +sense, to permit him to find his salary sufficient either in the little +town or the great capital, and when suddenly summoned from this life he +left me nothing but his blessing and a choice theological library, the +only luxury he had ever allowed himself. + +I was now forced to rely, with God's assistance, upon myself, and as, +with all the innocence of the dove, I possessed a sufficient measure of +the wisdom of the serpent, I did not merely examine superficially the +three places offered to me, but made careful inquiries to discover in +which one I should have the softest bed. All three were tutor's +situations in the country, with a prospect of the pastorate, which +would fall vacant in a longer or shorter time. I decided in favor of +the estate of the most aristocratic of the three employers, who also +owned two villages located in a region described to me as being very +fertile and not lacking in rural beauty. The pastor there was almost +eighty; the baron's children, whom I was to teach, were but two in +number, a boy, and a girl twelve or fourteen years old; my patron was +reported to be particularly strict in his religious views, and--a fact +by no means least influential--his letter, which my dear father +received with tears of joy on his death-bed and read aloud to me in a +trembling voice, expressed emphatic praise of my admirable self, a +pleasant report of my gifts and virtues having spread through the +country. + +So in my heart I praised God, who so paternally provided a fitting +career for his favorites here below, embraced my poor old aunt, who was +left behind in a wretched attic, and set forth on the journey to my +paradise with proud hopes and a joyousness but slightly subdued by my +recent grief. + + + * * * * * + + +This exalted mood was somewhat depressed when, on reaching the last +railway-station, I vainly looked for the coach in which I was to make +my entry into the place of my destination. The baron had written that +he would send for me. I expected nothing less than a splendid carriage, +not drawn by four horses, it is true, but perhaps hung with garlands as +befits a young ecclesiastical conqueror. Instead, there was nothing +stopping at the station but an insignificant cart, which I suspected +was generally used for the transportation of calves or sheep, drawn by +two plow-horses, dejectedly switching their long tails to and fro. An +old man-servant, who did not even take the stump of a pipe from his +mouth when he came up to me, asked in his surly Low German dialect if I +was the tutor whom he was to take to the estate, then, with many a +muttered oath, lifted my trunk and three heavy boxes of books into the +cart, and pointed with his whip to the seat, where the sole provision +made for my comfort was a thin leather cushion. + +He himself--after relighting his pipe and starting his horses by a +drawling Hi-i!--trudged beside the cart as it creaked slowly along. + +I tried to bear my disappointment with Christian resignation, and, +after we had gone a few hundred paces, asked in my gentlest voice how +far the castle was, and whether we were to go the whole distance at a +walk. + +The horses were plowing all day yesterday, growled the old man, and the +road was too bad for them to trot. We should be two hours at least, +"p'raps a bit more"; the sand began just beyond the next village, and +then, with the big boxes, we should move still more slowly. + +Rustic ways! I thought, to console myself, jolted about on my hard seat +for a while longer, and, at the beginning of the sandy road, which ran +sometimes between fields and meadows, sometimes between low fir-woods, +sprang nimbly from the cart to relieve the panting animals. It was +toward the end of April, a warm spring wind blew over the wide, quiet +country, the crows were perched in dense flocks on the freshly turned +furrows, and the low twittering of birds was heard from the bare tops +of the birches. At three and twenty the theological bark around my +heart was not yet hard enough to prevent all this stir and movement of +Nature from penetrating it. In a very short time, while striding a few +horse-lengths ahead of my vehicle, I was so happy in the thought of my +God that I seemed to myself like King David, and my great wooden trunk +the ark of the covenant, and could scarcely refrain from falling into a +dancing step and letting the hymns I was singing in my heart escape my +lips. + +Yet I was glad when the two hours and "p'raps a bit more" were over, +and old Krischan, pointing with his whip to the roof of a tower, +visible between the lofty elms in the avenue, muttered between his +teeth: "Here we are!" + +I had made several vain efforts on the way to question him about the +lord of the castle and his family. I had learned nothing except that +the baron was "a bit strict," and the old baroness "always very kind +and gracious." Of the heir he only uttered a significant hum! and of +the pastor merely said, "He's poorly just now." So my curiosity and +impatience increased with every step the horses took in the grinding +sand; and, as the rural charms of which I had dreamed were nowhere +visible, the village through which I passed differed in no respect from +an utterly unattractive Mark hamlet, and the few women and children who +stared at me from the doors of the houses appeared extremely +indifferent to the great event of my arrival, I climbed back with a +sigh into the cart as we turned into the avenue and traversed the rest +of the way at a trot. + +We drove directly up to the castle, which looked very stately through +the bare branches, and, as the road at last passed over a slight +ascent, the horses relapsed into their former comfortable walk. Yet we +overtook a queer little cart, to which the--according to the Mark +ideas--considerable hill gave more trouble than to us. + +A very old woman had harnessed herself and a spotted dog to a small +hand-cart, heavily laden with a large, well-filled sack, several +bundles of fagots, and various utensils and tools, the whole, tied +together with old ropes, towering so high aloft that the swaying +structure could scarcely keep its balance. The little dog's red tongue +was hanging out of its mouth, and the old dame panted and coughed as +she bent under the drawing-rope, which cut deep into her shoulder. +Spite of her four-footed assistant, she could scarcely have pulled the +load up-hill, had not a vigorous push from behind aided her. This was +given by a tall, slender figure, a young lady dressed in city style, +who, with both hands braced against the back, walked firmly on, +relieving the toiling pair of half the weight. + +As we passed she merely turned her face toward us for a moment without +the slightest change of expression. I could not see her features +distinctly, owing to the shifting play of the shadows cast by the bare +branches above, but I perceived that the face was young and grave. It +made a singular impression on me, though she flashed but a single +glance at me and then instantly lowered her eyes. I noticed too that +her smoothly brushed hair, over which she had knotted a black kerchief, +was of a remarkable dark golden hue, somewhat similar to amber. I +perceived also that she wore a blue polonaise of rather old-fashioned +cut, trimmed with a narrow border of gray fur. Then the old vehicle was +left behind, and I did not venture to look back. + +"That's the Canoness!" said Krischan, who had taken his pipe out of his +mouth and lifted his cap respectfully; "and the old one is Mother +Lieschen." + +"The Canoness!" I repeated in surprise. "Has the baron so old a +daughter?" + +"No, sir. The baron's daughter is only fourteen. She's Fraeulein +Leopoldine. But the Canoness--hi!" + +He urged on his bays with a loud crack of the whip, for we were just +turning out of the avenue into the castle court-yard. I was obliged to +repress my curiosity for the present. + + + * * * * * + + +The castle really did honor to its name. It was a very large building, +dating back from the commencement of the previous century, with a lofty +lower story, to which led a double flight of broad steps, above which +was a second story richly decorated with stucco ornaments--a style, +however, that did not exactly harmonize with the peaked roof and +irregular attic windows. From this central building a wing extended at +right angles on the left almost to the avenue of elms, while the right +wing, which, as I afterward learned, had been destroyed by a great +fire, was replaced by a clumsy square tower three stories high. Yet +this tower bore above its four gables a gigantic cupola, garnished with +pinnacles and battlements of all sorts, which gave it an air of +chivalrous boldness. + +A servant in a light-green livery received me at the top of the steps, +said that his master was expecting me, and ushered me into the house +with condescending familiarity, as if he considered me a sort of +colleague. The cool, dim hall paved with tiles, the broad stone +staircase, the antlers that adorned the walls, the numerous servants of +both sexes, who were peeping curiously from different doors, produced a +strong impression upon me, though I secretly regretted the absence of a +more formal reception by my future patron's assembled family. But I +consoled myself with the thought that this was the genuine aristocratic +demeanor, and resolved to maintain my own dignity and command the +respect due my ecclesiastical character even from high-born laymen. + +Meantime I had climbed the steep stairs to the highest story in the +tower till I was fairly out of breath. But when I entered the apartment +the footman showed me as mine, I was instantly reconciled to the +quarters gained by the toilsome ascent. It was a corner room with four +wide, almost square windows, which afforded a most superb view, over +the tops of the trees in the avenue, of fields and moorland, forest and +farms, and the village houses gathered about the handsome village +church like a flock of chickens around the clucking hen. The whole +scene was steeped in the brightest noonday sunlight, and filmy bluish +clouds floated from the chimneys of the low straw-thatched roofs, +pierced by single sunbeams, and swayed to and fro by a fresh April +breeze. + +Dinner would be served in fifteen minutes, the servant said. Did +the Herr Candidate want anything? I asked for my trunks, and had just +time to brush the dust of my journey from my clothing, when a big, +hollow-sounding bell, which roused a welcome echo in my empty stomach, +began to ring in the hall below. + +I cast one more glance into the tiny mirror, which, like the rest of +the furniture, did not produce a very magnificent impression, and, +after having combed my hair smoothly, and pushed my long locks neatly +behind my ears, descended the steep tower-stairs, spite of the +consciousness of my ecclesiastical dignity, with a somewhat quickened +pulsation of the heart. + +The dining-room was on the lower floor, directly behind the +entrance-hall, a vaulted apartment, whose four high windows looked out +upon the garden. The wide glass door in the center opened on a small +terrace, from which a few steps led to the flower-beds. But I did not +notice all this at my first entrance, as my whole interest was +engrossed by the various persons who were assembled. + +A tall, extremely dignified gentleman, with very handsome, regular +features, and mustache and whiskers cut in military fashion, came up to +me, held out his well-kept hand, and said, in a voice whose musical +tones he himself seemed to enjoy: "May the Lord bless your coming and +going, Herr Candidate!" + +I bowed silently, and was led to a little lady attired in a black +silk dress and a large white lace cap, who sat in the depths of a tall +arm-chair. + +"Here, my dear Elizabeth," said the baron, "I present to you Candidate +Johannes Weissbrod, who, with God's blessing, will aid us in the +education of our Achatz! Achatz!" he called, turning to a pale-faced +boy, evidently backward in mental development, who stood giggling with +a tall young girl at the other end of the hall. The lad came slowly +forward, eying me askance with mingled shyness and defiance, and only +at his father's repeated desire gave me a thin yellow hand. I noticed +at the first glance the striking resemblance between him and his +mother. The latter was remarkably plain; she had a shrunken, withered +face, which strongly reminded me of old General Zieten, to whom, I +afterward learned, the baroness was distantly related. Even a little +Hussar mustache was not lacking, and the sight of the tiny witch-like +scarecrow was so melancholy, especially by the side of her husband's +stately figure, that in my first confusion I actually forgot the fine +speech with which I had intended to present myself, and could only bow +silently and kiss the diminutive hand the little specter extended to +me. + +But, as I straightened myself again, a warm, irresistibly kind glance +fell upon me from the small gray eyes, and such a touching, child-like +voice came from the little withered mouth, saying, "I shall be deeply +grateful to you, Herr Candidate, for everything you do in behalf of my +dear son," that I lowered my eyes in actual confusion, and felt a +sincere reverence for the little lady, whom I had just held in such +light esteem. I would make every possible effort, I stammered, laying +my hand on the boy's rough fair locks. But he shook off the friendly +touch so rudely that I instantly saw that the effort would certainly be +no easy one. + +Meantime his sister had also approached me. She bore as strong a +resemblance to her handsome father as the boy to his mother. I +addressed a pleasant remark to her, which she answered by a haughty +curl of her full red lips. But there was still another feminine member +of the company, a lady, whom I supposed to be about thirty, not so +tall as the young baroness, but of a more elegant figure and with +serpent-like swiftness of motion. "This is a beloved member of our +household, Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel," said the baron, as he led me +to her. "She is a true blessing from the Lord to us all, shortening the +long hours to my suffering wife, helping my daughter in her French +lessons, and sometimes chatting my own anxieties away." As he spoke he +bent over the young lady's hand, and, with chivalrous gallantry, +pressed it to his lips. + +I know not why the act displeased me. My knowledge of the world and +society was still slight, and nothing could be more natural than an act +of courtesy by which the master of the house endeavored to lighten the +discomfort of a subordinate position to a lady. Nor was there anything +worthy of censure in the Frenchwoman's conduct. She was studiously +polite to every one, not excepting her insignificant fellow-slave, +myself, and, after becoming accustomed to a certain piercing light in +her dark eyes, no one could help thinking her attractive. So I could +only explain my strange aversion by the belief that, in her society, I +was almost always conscious of my defective French, and therefore, +though she spoke to me only in German, I felt her presence as an +embarrassment. + +We were about to take our places at the table, which, set for eight +persons, stood in the middle of the room. The baron had already +escorted his little wife to her seat opposite to the glass door, and +the young heir had seized his sister's braids to drive her to the table +like a horse, when the door into the hall opened and another person +appeared, a tall, thin man in a plain gray hunting-coat, with horn +buttons, high boots, and a shabby gray felt hat on his head. It was +evident at the first glance that he must be a brother of the master of +the house, only he lacked the elegance that pervaded the latter's whole +appearance. + +He entered noiselessly with a slight smile, half sad, half humorous, +that lent his beautiful beardless lips a very pleasant expression, went +slowly up to the mistress of the house, whose hand he silently kissed, +and nodded to his niece, but without vouchsafing me anything more than +an indifferent glance. + +"Where is Luise?" asked the baron. + +The little old lady gazed at him with a look of timid entreaty. I +noticed that he had some angry remark on his tongue, but his son +interposed. + +"She harnessed herself to Mother Lieschen's dogcart," he said loudly, +with a jeering laugh, which displeased me extremely; and then whispered +into his sister's ear so that all could hear, "I laughed at her well, +and she tried to hit me, but I was spryer." + +And the little toad giggled spitefully. + +The baron uttered a few words in French, which I did not understand. +Then he clasped his hands on the back of the chair, and said: "Let us +thank the Lord." + +He asked a blessing, which did not seem to me amiss, only it appeared +somewhat lengthy, especially as Achatz was constantly nudging his +sister in the side with his elbow. Mademoiselle Suzon Duchanel made the +sign of the cross at its beginning and end, which led me to secretly +wonder how a Catholic could have been received into this rigidly +Protestant family. Yet none of the others seemed to find it +objectionable. + +The company then took their places at the table, the baroness at the +head between her two children, the master of the house next to Achatz, +then the French governess, by whose side my seat was assigned. There +was a vacant chair opposite, next Fraeulein Leopoldine, then came the +baron's brother, to whom he presented me as we were taking our seats: +"Herr Candidate Johannes Weissbrod--my brother Joachim." + +Just as the soup was being served, the folding-door again opened and +the missing Luise entered, who of course proved to be the Canoness whom +I had passed in the elm avenue outside. She had taken off her blue +polonaise and little black kerchief, and in a plain gray dress, with +snow-white frill, looked even more slender than before, somewhat as +ancient statues represent the goddess of the chase. Her face was +slightly flushed, whether from embarrassment or her hurried walk I +could not determine. Yet she did not hang her head like a penitent, but +went straight up to the old lady, bent down and kissed her cheek, then +bore the baron's reproving glance without lowering her lashes, and +silently took the vacant chair between the daughter of the house and +"brother Joachim." + +Achatz stared and giggled, but grew as still as a mouse when she cast a +sharp, quiet look at him across the table. I now saw that she had +sparkling dark-brown eyes, against which the golden lashes stood forth +in strong relief. Yet, on the whole, she did not seem to me so +beautiful as when out-of-doors under the shadow of the elm-trees. + +There was a stern, defiant expression in her face, very unlike my ideal +of feminine charm and lamb-like meekness. Moreover, she seemed to +entirely overlook my precious self, which gave me no favorable +impression of her character. Without uttering a word, she exchanged a +hurried clasp of the hand with her next neighbor at table and then +began to eat as indifferently as though she had been entirely alone. + +I was somewhat annoyed because I had received no special introduction +to her; but my thoughts were soon directed from this perplexing young +creature by the baron, who commenced a theological conversation with +me, in which he showed himself a zealous Lutheran of the most rigid +type. I was extremely cautious at first, having heard that he was a +remarkably learned man. But I soon perceived that his knowledge was +utterly unsubstantial; he merely scattered broadcast certain names and +titles of books, which had been new years before, and persistently +repeated a few established formulas, on which he set far too much +value. He seemed especially to have received the stamp of the +Schleiermacher school, repeated a pun on the name of its founder two or +three times, but did not appear to have read even a page of his +"Dogmatik" or of the "Discourses on Religion." + +The whole conversation was evidently solely intended to inspire me with +a high opinion of his knowledge and spiritual enlightenment, though he +himself did not really feel the slightest interest in the matter, for +he turned a deaf ear to my modest objections, and as--though I regarded +myself a valiant champion of the true faith--I knew how to keep my +polished sword in its sheath on occasion, this first theological +tourney passed off with mutual satisfaction. I only regretted that my +position in the house forbade me to stretch my opponent on the sand and +receive from fair hands the prize of victory. + + + * * * * * + + +During the whole dinner no one except the baron and myself had spoken. +The mistress of the house gazed into vacancy with a look of quiet +suffering, ate very little, and only showed herself eager to fill her +husband's glass as soon as he had emptied it, which in the zeal of his +debate occurred every moment. The others drank nothing but water, +except Mademoiselle Suzon, whose glass, spite of her coquettish +reluctance, the baron filled twice with Bordeaux. Two liveried servants +moved to and fro as if shod with felt; but for so aristocratic a +household the meal seemed to me rather meager and niggardly. + +After dinner the baron, lighting a short hunting-pipe, took me into his +study and discussed the plan of instruction I was to pursue with the +heir. Biblical history, the catechism, the history of his native +country, a little geography--the lessons in the two latter branches +were to be shared with Leopoldine. She was far more talented than her +brother, my patron remarked; but the lad possessed the germ of a +genuine old-school Mark nobleman and an orthodox Christian, though it +was overgrown by all manner of boyish naughtinesses. His affectionate +papa hoped, from my experience in teaching and theological training, +that my pupil would soon visibly grow in favor with God and man. + +At the same time the baron allowed me to see that upon my success would +depend my future position and promotion to the living. The present +pastor, with increasing age, would become less and less capable of +maintaining the strict discipline that was desirable, already displayed +a lamentable tolerance in matters of faith, and, if he did not shortly +apply for a discharge from his office, it would be necessary to obtain +his removal. + +When I left my patron's study, I should have liked to give my pupil a +short examination at once and commence the training of the young plant +intrusted to my charge. Achatz, however, was neither within sight nor +hearing, but had disappeared, like the other members of the Round +Table. So I went up to my tower-room, and set about unpacking my books. +An old servant, who appeared to be the factotum of everybody in the +castle who wanted help, made me--as there was no book-case--two rude +sets of shelves out of boards, which, however, after they were filled +with my ecclesiastical works, looked very respectable. My pupil's room +adjoined mine. "Who occupies the second story under us?" I asked. "The +young baroness and Fraeulein Luise," was the reply. I don't know why +this annoyed me, but I should have preferred to avoid the vicinity of +the Canoness. + +While thus occupied, twilight had closed in, and I resolved to walk +down to the village and call on the old pastor. + +As I entered the long village street, I prepared to assume the most +gracious manner. The worthy folk should have an idea of what they might +expect from their future pastor. But my nods and smiles, greetings and +questions, did not produce the slightest impression. The children ran +shyly away, and the grown people only gave me curt, suspicious answers, +though they knew very well that I was the expected candidate, and +enjoyed the favor of their noble church-patron. So I was not in the +best humor when I reached the little old parsonage, whose dilapidated +condition was revealed, at this early season of the year, by the bare +vine-trellises and empty garden. Even the church, beside which it +stood, only separated by the graveyard, urgently needed repairs, and I +secretly wondered that so pious a man as the baron did not set more +value on the proper preservation of the house of God. + +But the interior of the parsonage looked all the brighter and more +home-like. True, the walls of the rooms were only whitewashed, but +there was not even a fly-speck on them; the thin white curtains seemed +to have been freshly ironed only the day before, the floors were strewn +with sand, and the household utensils were dazzlingly clean. A brisk, +plump old lady, the pastor's wife, greeted me with so cordial a +pressure of the hand, that I felt almost ashamed of having crossed her +threshold with the selfish thoughts of a smiling heir. + +She led me into a small back room, that was just illumined by the +setting sun. Here, in an atmosphere so oppressive from the heat of the +stove that I could scarcely breathe, an old gentleman was sitting by +the window in a large arm-chair covered with calico. A small black +cloth cap rested on his venerable head, and his gouty, swollen knee was +wrapped in a woolen blanket. His kind, blue eyes gazed so +affectionately at me that I involuntarily bent over his outstretched +hand and would have kissed it, had he not withdrawn it, silently +shaking his head. I was requested to sit beside him, and, while we were +exchanging the first common-place remarks, I had time to again reflect +what a brilliant young light of the church I was compared to this +feebly flickering, almost burned-out tallow stump. For on the little +book-shelf beside the desk stood a scanty group of theological works, +so that, recalling my own abundant store, I seemed to myself, in the +presence of this aged champion of God, like a hero armed to the teeth +and clad in a steel corslet, opposed to an old warrior, who could only +swing a rude iron-spiked club. + +But I was not allowed to display my admirable armor, for the old +gentleman subjected me to no theological examination, but merely +inquired about my former life, parents, and relatives. When he heard +that I had lost my mother when a child, he passed his withered hand +over my arm with a gesture of timid kindness, and his old wife, who had +often mingled in our conversation with some little jest, gazed at me +with such maternal compassion that a very strange feeling came over me. +Until then I had never realized my orphaned condition, but felt +perfectly secure in my kinship to God. + +To reach a fresher theme, I began to talk of the baron and his family, +praising especially the spirit of genuine piety that pervaded this +aristocratic household. I perceived with surprise that neither the old +pastor nor his more loquacious wife assented to my fervent eulogy. Only +when I paused, the old man nodded gravely, and with his eyes fixed on +vacancy, said: "Yes, yes, the baroness--she is a woman after God's own +heart." "And don't forget Fraeulein Luise!" added the old lady eagerly, +then hastily quitted the room, as if summoned by some urgent necessity, +and did not appear again even when I took my leave. + +I explained this strange silence to myself by the supposition that +there were dogmatic differences between the pastor and his patron. The +baron had shaken his head over the old gentleman's toleration. Desiring +to avoid any dispute on this first visit, I soon rose to take leave. + +The old clergyman apologized for being compelled to remain seated. He +was confined to the chair by a violent attack of his complaint, and +would have been obliged to leave the pulpit vacant on the following +Sunday had not God sent him so able a representative in my person. He +begged me to preach in his stead, and only regretted that he could not +be among my devout listeners. + +I was grateful in my heart to his gout for affording me an immediate +opportunity to display my lauded oratorical talent, wished him a speedy +convalescence, and took my leave with a much calmer heart than I had +entered. + + + * * * * * + + +When I returned to the castle, a servant received me in the hall and +informed me that tea was ready. + +I found the whole family, except brother Joachim, assembled in the +dining-room around the tea-table, on which two large old-fashioned +lamps diffused a somewhat dim light. As at dinner, there was no +lack of silver tableware, so that everything looked very stately and +splendid, though the fare was scarcely superior to that of a +respectable farm-house. + +The Canoness was making tea, and poured it from a heavy silver pot into +the cups handed around by a servant. Again she did not vouchsafe me a +glance. The others, too, merely bowed silently, as the master of the +house, seated close beside one of the lamps, was absorbed in the +newspapers, which were brought every evening by an errand-woman. The +regular mail came but twice a week. + +I, too, now ate, without speaking, a due amount of bread and butter, my +sense of decorum and theological wisdom having prevented my fully +satisfying my appetite at dinner. Achatz giggled and whispered with his +sister, who now sat beside him; Mademoiselle Suzon had the headache and +looked very much bored, but from time to time gave me a glance and +murmured a question, her cold eyes meanwhile wandering to and fro with +a strangely uneasy expression. + +When the baron threw aside the papers, the whole party rose from the +table; Fraeulein Luise led the baroness to an arm-chair beside the huge +chimney-piece, which, however, spite of the chill evening air, served +merely for ornament; and, after a little table had been pushed before +her seat, and the children had said good-night, the Canoness brought +out a pack of French cards and sat down opposite to play with her. + +The baron had taken his place at a small chess-table with the French +governess, who had suddenly recovered her animation, and, turning to me +while arranging the ivory men, he said, "You can choose, Herr +Weissbrod, which game you will overlook. It is really against my +principles to allow card-playing in my house, but my wife's game is by +no means an invention of Satan, unless tediousness is considered one of +the torments of hell. I never touch a card myself, and suppose you have +the same ideas. So, if you have no interest in chess, do not feel under +any restraint, but go to your room, if you prefer. You have had a +fatiguing journey to-day." + +I thought this implied that my presence was no longer desired, +and, after having watched both games for awhile--for civility's +sake--without understanding anything about either, I bid the party +good-night and climbed up to my tower-room. + +The footman who lighted me seemed strongly inclined to have a little +chat, and I was very anxious to put certain queries about the relations +existing between the different members of the household. But I thought +it was indecorous to question servants about their employers, cut short +the tall rascal's opening remark, which tended in that direction, and +remained alone with my wandering thoughts. + +My pupil was already sound asleep. As I looked at him and noted the +resemblance to his mother, which seemed even stronger than when he was +awake, I resolved to struggle against my aversion to the saucy young +lad and honestly strive to develop the half-stifled germ of which his +father had spoken. It seemed as though the impulse was felt through the +little dreaming brain, for the boy opened his eyes, stared at me, +blushed, and then said in an entirely different voice, "Good-night, +Herr Johannes." + +I returned this good-night, passed my hand over his eyes, and went +softly back to my room. + +But I could not yet go to sleep. All the new experiences the day had +brought were surging and seething in my head as if it were a witch's +caldron. Opening the window, I gazed out into the calm, cool night, +where the moon was shining so beautifully over the tree-tops, and gauzy +veils of mist were hovering in the distance above the hills and +meadows. + +Conspicuous among all the figures which glided past me, as if in a +spectral chase, staring at me with questioning eyes, was one which +at last, when the other ghosts had vanished, remained standing before +me--a slender girl with tawny hair and brown eyes, whose gaze rested on +me so indifferently that my vain soul grew more and more insulted and +angry, yet without being able to turn my thoughts from her. I said to +myself that if this one woman did not dwell under the same roof I +should be as contented here as though I were in Abraham's bosom. Then I +wondered whether she had gone to rest, and imagined that she was even +now thinking of me with a scornful curl of her lips, which idea +strengthened my hostility still more. To calm myself, I lighted a long +pipe and paced up and down the carpetless floor of my room, thinking of +the sermon I was to preach on the following Sunday, and in which I +meant to say all sorts of offensive things to the arrogant creature's +face. Yet I possessed sufficient good-breeding to remove my squeaking +boots and put on the soft slippers my good aunt had given me as a +parting present. + +I was just going to shut the window, for I was beginning to shiver, +when a low melody rose below me, to which I listened intently. My +little talent for music, as I first learned long after, was at that +time the best and most genuine quality I possessed. So, at the first +notes, I knew that the pure alto voice beneath me was no ordinary one, +but issued from a thoroughly musical nature. But the piano on which the +singer accompanied herself appeared to be a worn-out, tuneless old box, +and she made the least possible use of it. I did not know what she was +singing, but it seemed to me a magnificent piece by some great master, +and I went close to the window that I might not lose a note. I +afterward discovered that it was an aria from Gluck's "Orpheus." + +This solitary nocturnal singing, which could proceed from no other lips +than those of the Canoness, instantly disarmed me. It sounded very +subdued; Fraeulein Leopoldine slept in the next room, and must not be +disturbed. But this _mezza voce_, in its melancholy gentleness, +contradicted everything I had imagined of the singer's nature. It was +like the lament of a proud, free soul, that disdains to impart its +grief to any one, and only in a secret soliloquy makes the moon and the +night its confidants. + +When the singing ceased, it was long ere I could resolve to seek my +bed. I still waited to learn whether it would begin again. Midnight had +passed when I at last shut my window, and, absorbed in thought, +prepared to seek repose. + + + * * * * * + + +Yet I was up very early, and had much difficulty in persuading my +pupil, who had hitherto slept below next his mamma's room, to leave his +bed, as among other bad habits he had been accustomed to stretching and +turning lazily on his couch in the morning. + +I found it difficult to keep the resolution I had made the night before +over the sleeper, now that he sat wide awake before me with his +impudent little face, especially as I soon perceived with horror that +the young nobleman was deficient in nearly all the rudiments of +knowledge, and, moreover, did not appear to feel at all ashamed of his +ignorance. I found myself obliged to begin from the very commencement +in all the branches except writing, for which he was indebted to the +village school-master, and the catechism, which he could repeat +faultlessly with the volubility of a starling. + +Yet, even in the first hour, I succeeded in uprooting some weeds +of error in his head and heart, and at least in conquering his +absent-mindedness, so that we were tolerably well-satisfied with each +other when, toward ten o'clock, the baron entered in his own sublime +person. He merely asked carelessly what I thought of my pupil then, +with an exclamation of surprise, went up to my books and glanced over +their titles. "Ah, Neander! Marheineke!" he said, as if greeting old +acquaintances. "You are certainly a thorough scholar, Herr Weissbrod. +Only don't soar too high! Let us have no unfruitful knowledge. +'Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.' There is this Neander, +for instance--h'm! Yet he's not one of the worst." (Good Heavens! +Candid Neander! That soul of child-like purity!) "And yet--h'm! Well, +with God's assistance and favor, his day of Damascus will come." + +He talked a great deal more of such conceited, equivocal trash; and +though even then some irreverent doubts arose in my mind as to whether +his own theological wisdom was correct, I was impressed by his oracular +speeches, and endeavored to make one answer and another which should +lead to a more professional conversation. But he cut me short by +remarking that there would be time enough for us to come to a clearer +understanding. I might now accompany him down-stairs to his daughter, +and then give the two children their first lesson in history. + +We found the young lady's room already in order, and she herself, in a +by no means studious mood, sitting at a table which stood in the middle +of the apartment. The Canoness sat by the window with some sewing in +her hand. At our entrance she rose hastily and returned her uncle's +cold good-morning with a slight bend of the head. I did not appear to +have any existence for her. + +Again I felt my blood boil with indignation. But I only strove the more +to do my work well, in order to show her what a remarkable fellow I +was; nor did I succeed badly, in my own estimation. I began to relate +the history of the Mark from its earliest origin, and as I was myself a +native of the country, and, moreover, very familiar with this subject, +I had the satisfaction of interesting not only my two pupils, but their +papa, to such a degree, that the baron remained a full half-hour, and +was first reminded that he had long since outgrown his school-days by +the announcement that the steward was awaiting his orders. + +I was especially pleased to see how Achatz fairly hung on my lips +during the narrative of the battles and victories of his ancestors in +this once pagan land. The ice was broken, at any rate, and even +Fraeulein Leopoldine, who at first had sat with an insufferably +condescending expression, was evidently excited. Only the grave face at +the window bent like a stone image over the industrious hands, without +any token of interest. I began to doubt whether the beautiful nocturnal +melody could have issued from those obstinately compressed lips. + +At dinner, when I again saw the mistress of the house, I could plainly +perceive that my first appearance as a pedagogue had produced a +favorable impression. The little lady, with a kindly glance from her +timid blue eyes, held out her hand to me, and asked whether I had slept +well and if I needed anything for my comfort. Achatz displayed in +motley confusion all sorts of crumbs of his new knowledge, and +Mademoiselle Suzon granted me more than one long look from her Catholic +eyes. When I said that the old pastor had requested me to take his +place the following Sunday--which was the next day--the baron said he +was very curious about the conception held by the young school of the +preacher's office, but warned me not to drag my Neander and Marheineke +into the pulpit with me, which of course I smilingly promised. + +Uncle Joachim, according to his custom, did not utter a word. The +Canoness looked at her plate, and I noticed that she sometimes made a +low remark to her neighbor, who always responded by a quiet smile or a +twinkle in his honest gray eyes. + +When, that afternoon, I was again alone in my tower, I prepared to +study my sermon with great composure of mind, for I felt perfectly sure +of myself. I had brought from the university and our religious society +a bundle of outline sermons, one of which I took out and read over +again with constant reference to my new hearers. Of course this +masterpiece seemed a thousand times too good for the rural +congregation, but I had intended it principally for my patron and +his family, not least for the obstinate face that, willing or not, +must listen to me for a full half hour. I changed a few details, +repeated the whole in a low tone, while veiling myself in clouds of +tobacco-smoke, and, when I had finished, patted my stomach caressingly, +as though I had just swallowed a dainty morsel, and resolved to take a +short stroll in the park as an aid to digestion. + +Hitherto I had only seen the grounds through the glass door of the +dining-room, and I now marveled at their extent and beauty. + + + * * * * * + + +Low farm-buildings, stables, and barns extended on both sides in the +rear of the castle, and were separated from the flower-garden in the +center of the park by dense rows of splendid fir-trees. The dry basin +of a fountain, ornamented by a crumbling sandstone statue, served as an +abode for an aged peacock, which could now spread only a very ragged +and shabby tail, as he constantly circled around it, keeping a +distrustful watch. No one except the Canoness, as I afterward noticed, +was permitted to approach without his uttering a shrill, spiteful +scream. + +The beds, at this early season of the year, were still empty except for +a narrow border of crocuses and snowdrops, but they were neatly raked +and carefully marked out; even the paths between were free from dead +leaves. From this place ran a broad walk fenced on both sides by tall, +closely clipped hedges in the French style. But the tops of the ancient +elms and oaks soared above them into the air, and the solemn splendor +of a German forest far surpassed the Italian prettiness. Never in my +life had I seen anything so beautiful, for the Berlin Thiergarten, so +far as the size of the trees was concerned, could not bear the least +comparison to it. + +When, studying my sermon, I had strolled some distance under the lofty +crowns of foliage, a strange figure came toward me, whom I at once +supposed to be the gardener--a short, gray-haired man in a peasant's +jerkin, over which a green apron was tied, a green cap, horn spectacles +on his sharp, hawk's nose, an axe in his bony hand, and with one foot +slightly dragging. I went up to him, greeted him in my affable manner, +and asked if it was due to his care that the beautiful park was in such +admirable order. + +At first he nodded silently, scanning me from head to foot with the air +of an expert examining some new plant to see whether it would be likely +to thrive in this soil. Then he said, by no means sullenly, that he was +the gardener Liborius and I was probably the new tutor. As this was a +leisure evening, he would do me the honor to show me the park. + +While walking by his side, I had a strange conversation. In the first +place, he modestly refused my praise of his skill in gardening. He +would not be able to accomplish half without Uncle Joachim, who planned +everything that was to be done. True, he himself knew more about +cultivating flowers, because he had been educated for an apothecary, +and, had he not been compelled to enter the army, would probably be one +now. But while serving as the baron's orderly--the elder brother--he +had been shot in the foot; so, after he had obtained his discharge, his +master had made him gardener on the estate. At that time the park was a +perfect wilderness, everything higgledy-piggledy, and at first he had +only bungled, until at last the younger baron came. "Yes," he added, +glancing at me as if somewhat doubtful whether he might venture to +speak openly, "many things would go wrong if it were not for Uncle +Joachim. There's no telling all he has on his shoulders--half the +management of the estate, the garden and stables, and the few cattle, +for the larger portion of the land is leased. And yet he gets small +thanks for it. They say that as a young officer he was what people call +a sly chap, ran in debt, gambled, had love affairs; we know how things +are with young noblemen who serve as officers. Then his brother once +helped him out of a scrape and made him take an oath to lead a regular +life, and he has done so too. But they always treat him like the +prodigal son in the gospel, only there is no fatted calf killed for +him. And why? Because he doesn't go to church. You pull a long face +over it, Herr Candidate, but you can believe this: he's more religious +at heart than many a man who can repeat the whole hymn-book; if he were +not, there's much that would look very different here. For our master, +he's not exactly a bad one, but very strict, like our Lord in the Old +Testament, and looks after the pennies and wages, so, though the +heavens should fall, he never abates any of the work the peasants are +obliged to do for him. Unfortunately, he is obliged to look after his +due, for the estate was heavily laden with debt when he took possession +of it, and had he not made the wealthy marriage he did--for the money +comes from _her_--he could not have lived here, especially as he, too, +in by-gone days, led a jolly life and spent a great deal. Well, he's +tolerably well over that now, but he nips and saves at all the ends and +corners, always saying it is for his children. Would you believe it, he +wanted to send me off six years ago, after the grounds here were at +last in proper order and the park could be seen again. His brother +could attend to it with one of the servants. Then I said: 'Don't send +me away, Herr Baron; I'm no longer a young man, and have forgotten my +training as an apothecary, and my heart clings to the old trees as we +cleave to an old love. If it's only the wages, I'll gladly give them +up, if I can keep my room and have the little food I eat.' So he let me +stay, and I drudge away in Heaven's name and for the sake of Uncle +Joachim, who could not manage it all alone. And now Fraeulein Luise +helps us, too." + +"The Canoness?" I interrupted. + +"Yes, indeed. She has charge of the vegetable-garden, because she knows +best what is wanted in the kitchen. Ah, yes, she is for a woman what +Uncle Joachim is for a man, and gets just as few thanks for it. You +know, of course, Herr Candidate, that she is an orphan, the daughter of +a third brother of our baron, who also squandered his property and died +young. She has lived here at her uncle's since her eighteenth year--she +will be twenty-four next Whitsuntide--and as her aunt has been an +invalid so long, and her uncle is often absent for months, because he +finds the castle tiresome, Fraeulein Luise is obliged to stand in the +breach everywhere. Well, she can do it, for she has the brains, and her +heart is in the right place; our Lord will reward her some day for what +she does for her old aunt." + +The old man stopped, pushed aside with his hatchet a few dry branches +that lay at our feet, and then drew from under his green apron a small +bone snuff-box, from which he offered me a pinch. I took a few grains +for the sake of courtesy, and then, with the most perfect innocence, +for I had not yet penetrated into the real state of affairs, asked: + +"Is it possible, Herr Liborius? I thought the French lady took charge +of the housekeeping." + +The old man shrugged his shoulders, slowly stuffed the pinch of snuff +into his little hooked nose, sneezed several times, and after a long +delay replied: "All that glitters is not gold, Herr Candidate. But let +every man sweep before his own door. See, here we are at Uncle +Joachim's rooms. Will you pay him a call? He'll surely be glad to see +you. Not a human creature ever crosses his threshold except myself, his +dog Diana, and Fraeulein Luise." + +We had walked the whole length of the park, to where a tall fence +divided it from the open fields, and were again approaching the castle, +when we reached a small summerhouse connected with the outbuildings by +a long hothouse. As I nodded assent, Liborius knocked, and then, +without waiting for the "Come in!" raised the latch of the crumbling +old door. No one was within. But at first I could not believe that this +utterly cheerless room was occupied by a member of the baron's family. +Against one wall stood a more than plain bed, covered with an old +horse-blanket; a huge arm-chair, from whose worn leather covering the +horsehair stuffing here and there protruded, was at one of the windows, +and at the other a large pine table, without a cloth, on which lay in +excellent order numerous thick account-books, writing-materials, boxes +of seeds, and a leaden tobacco-box; in the corner stood a narrow +wardrobe, and on pegs along the wall hung a few guns and fishing-rods. +This constituted the entire furniture of the yellow-washed room. But +above the bed hung the portrait of a beautiful woman, and a couple of +old copper engravings, representing Napoleon at Fontainebleau, and on +his death-bed, in worm-eaten brown frames. + +"It is not exactly a princely lodging!" said the gardener, "but he +chose it himself. Well, it makes little difference where we stretch our +limbs if we haven't spared them from early till late. At night all cats +are gray, and any four walls do well enough for a sleeping-room." + +Then he let me out again, and I went back to the castle, often shaking +my head over the many things I had learned, which had considerably +lowered my high opinion of the people and things around me. + + + * * * * * + + +When the church-bells rang the next morning, I went to the window and +looked down into the courtyard. A large old-fashioned coach, to which +two fine horses were harnessed, was standing before the steps. Almost +immediately the baron came out of the doorway, carefully leading his +wife. + +Mademoiselle Suzon and the two children followed. They took their seats +in the carriage--Achatz mounting the box, so that if those within moved +a little nearer together there would be room for a slender person. I +waited to see the Canoness, who was always late, come out of the +castle. But the coach-door was closed by the footman, who sprang up +behind, and the vehicle lumbered slowly away. + +Is she, too, like Uncle Joachim, no church-goer? I thought, and felt +that this would have chagrined me greatly, for I hoped to impress her +especially by my sermon. + +But I had fretted in vain. + +I set out at a rapid pace, and, having discovered a meadow-path, which, +intersecting the avenue, led straight to the village and church, I +arrived even before the party from the castle. + +The sexton received me, ushered me into the vestry, and helped me don +the black robe in which I always seemed to myself especially trim and +ecclesiastical. While the last verse of the hymn was being sung, I saw +by my pocket-mirror that my locks were parted down the middle of my +head in perfect order, and my hands faultlessly clean, and then entered +the crowded church. + +I had carefully examined and tried my voice in it the day before. It +was as plain and bare as most of our village churches in the Mark, +having been hastily rebuilt with scanty means after a conflagration, +and even robbed of the monuments which, as the sexton said, had come +down from Catholic times. On the whitewashed pillars hung nothing but +dusty and faded bridal and funeral wreaths, with long black or white +streamers and tarnished silver spangles. There was also a black tablet +with a few hooks, from which were suspended the war medals of anno '13, +'14, and '15, with the names of their wearers in clumsy white letters +beneath. The organ alone was handsome, its pipes brightly polished, and +its notes--for the schoolmaster understood his business--greeted me +with a harmonious melody as I climbed the steep stairs to the pulpit. + +While the last verse died away I had just time to scan my devout +congregation. Opposite to me, in the baronial pew lined with red cloth, +sat the party that had come in the carriage. In the front seat, at its +left, was the pastor's plump old wife; the lines on her cheerful face +were to-day drawn into a peculiarly intent expression. I told myself +that I should have in her a particularly critical auditor. Behind these +pews, in a dense throng, were the peasants and cottagers of the +village, with their wives and children, whose singing, thanks to the +musical teacher, was far more endurable to hear than is usually the +case in our unmelodious region. Spite of my self-confidence, I was +forced to subdue the quickened throbbing of my heart as I saw the eyes +of all these strangers fixed steadily and not exactly benevolently upon +me. I was really glad not to discover among them one pair that, within +the last few days, had already more than once disturbed my peace of +mind. + +But just as I was opening the Bible on the pulpit desk to read the +text, the door at the end of the narrow aisle, between the rows of +pews, noiselessly opened, and, amid a stream of sunlight and spring +air, that was instantly shut out again, the Canoness entered. Instead +of passing through the rows to take her seat in the baron's pew, she +unceremoniously sat down on the farthest bench, where an old woman, in +whom I now recognized Mother Lieschen, made room for her with a +friendly nod. No one else in the church noticed her; this late arrival +appeared to be considered perfectly proper. + +So I began my sermon in a somewhat unsteady voice, but it soon grew +firmer. The text was: "Many are called, but few are chosen." + +The doctrine of predestination had frequently been the theme of our +debates at the university, and the sermon as I had brought it in my +trunk bore evident traces of the learned apparatus with which I was +accustomed to defend my views. For my present congregation, however, I +had wisely omitted this, and restricted myself to bringing the kingdom +of God as I had dreamed of it, in vast outlines, but colored with +brilliant hues, before the imagination of my listeners. It resembled, +as it were, a beautiful fairy palace, to which led an immense, broad +staircase. This symbolized the temporal world in which, separated by +steps, the many called and the few chosen hurried on together. For, I +said, as all nature shows a gradual development from a lower to a +higher stage, in which no creature has reason to complain, since thus +alone can the omnipotence of God, which renders everything that might +be possible actual, reveal itself; so it is compatible with the +Creator's infinite righteousness that he does not endow all his +creatures equally, but makes distinctions, and, with apparent severity, +favors one and neglects another. Thus only could he have completed the +wondrous picture of the world, without leaving any step vacant or +overleaping transitions. If dissatisfaction should thereby arise, the +peace that is not of this world will at some future time silence all +complaints and reconcile all contradictions. On the day the portals of +that palace would open at the sound of the last trump, all who were +waiting on the stairs would be invited to celebrate the entrance into +the heavenly mansions. Ay, even those on the lowest step. For it is +explicitly written: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the +kingdom of heaven." + +I now adorned this idea of a staircase, which, as the final tableau of +a fairy opera, would have done credit to a scene-painter, with the +necessary lay figures and heroic characters, which I will briefly pass +over here. It is only necessary to say that in the elect on the upper +step I described with tolerable clearness people of the stamp of my +employer and his family--high-born, wealthy mortals, endowed with every +advantage of nature and education, and also with the grace of true +religion; while on the lowest step crawled poverty-stricken creatures, +bereft of happiness, like Mother Lieschen, who, however, would also be +saved if they gathered the treasures which moth and rust do not +destroy. + +After I had pronounced the benediction over the congregation and +descended the steep stairs of the pulpit, I felt fairly intoxicated by +my own fiery eloquence, and considered it only natural that the baron +should signify his most gracious approval by a nod of his handsome +head. The pastor's wife, on the contrary, had not changed her +expression in the least, and did not stir even when I passed close by +her. I forgave her from my heart for being unable to feel friendly to +the new star that outshone her husband. + +The sexton, however, praised me lavishly. Only I had made my sermon a +little too aristocratic. + + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait for the dinner-bell to ring, as I fully expected +that the whole conversation over the Sunday roast would turn upon my +sermon. But in this I was bitterly disappointed. + +A guest had arrived who had not witnessed my oratorical triumph, a +thorough man of the world, as I perceived at the first glance. He was +called Cousin Kasimir; I do not know whether the relationship was +through the baron or his wife, for he was so disagreeable to me that I +vouchsafed him no special notice. The young gentleman had ridden over +from a neighboring estate, where he was living as a student of +agriculture, lured less by the aroma of the baronial table, which even +on Sunday promised no choice dishes, than, as everybody knew, by +designs on his cousin, the Canoness, in which he had long obstinately +persisted, though without any form of encouragement. He seemed to have +resolved not to attempt to take the coy fortress by storm, but induce +it to surrender by tenacious persistence. So he sat between Fraeulein +Luise and the young girl Leopoldine, without addressing a word to +either, but zealously striving to entertain the whole company by +amusing anecdotes, bits of gossip, and jests with Uncle Joachim. The +latter always gave him sharp, curt replies, whose quiet scorn the young +man did not appear to feel. In the intervals he discussed politics with +his host, of course from the standpoint of the nobility; and +Mademoiselle Suzon was the only lady at table who could boast of a +slight show of gallantry from him. + +On the other hand, he did not seem to be aware of the existence of the +mistress of the house, nor of my important self, though the baron had +presented me to him with some flattering words about my intellectual +gifts. + +Nothing was said of my sermon. + +Wounded vanity naturally led me to cherish a secret, but all the more +bitter, hatred of the new guest. Even now, though I have long since +learned to smile at this pitiable youthful weakness, I must, for +truth's sake, admit that Cousin Kasimir, fine gentleman though he might +be, was an insufferable fellow, and had a face that might aptly be +styled a hang-dog countenance. + +Very much annoyed, I went out into the garden as soon as we rose from +the table. I should have been glad to meet my honest friend Liborius, +not to hear him praise my pulpit eloquence, but to question him about +the object of my hate. He was, however, nowhere to be seen. He spent +his Sunday afternoons, as I learned later, in a neighboring village, +where he had placed a daughter, the child of an unlawful youthful love, +in the charge of worthy people. The baron inexorably banished +everything bordering upon unchaste relations from his pure +neighborhood. + +I sat for a while under the budding trees on one of the most remote +benches in the park, and the worm of unsatisfied vanity gnawed my +heart. At last I consoled myself with the thought that the fitting +opportunity to speak of such exalted subjects had not yet come, and +when the conceited nobleman had taken leave the neglect would be more +than made up. + +So I at last rose and resolved to have the church opened again and +improvise a short time on the organ, for I was accustomed to be my own +Orpheus, and quell, by the power of music, the wild beasts which, spite +of my religion, ever and anon stirred in my heart. + +But as I approached the little summer-house where Uncle Joachim lodged, +I saw the door open and Fraeulein Luise come out, taking leave of her +friend with a cordial clasp of the hand. + +I confess that this meeting was not exactly welcome. Her icy +manner--even colder than usual--at dinner had told me plainly enough +that I had by no means advanced in her esteem. But in certain moods a +vain man longs to hear himself talked about at any cost, and would +rather endure the most pitiless verdict than the offense of silence. + +Therefore, instead of turning into a side-path, I quickened my steps +toward my foe, who, without taking the slightest notice of me, friendly +or otherwise, quietly pursued her way to the kitchen-garden. + +I soon came up with her, bowed politely, and asked whether she objected +to my bearing her company a few moments. + +"Not in the least," she calmly replied. She merely desired to look at +the young plants, which was not an occupation in which one could not be +disturbed. + +We walked for some distance side by side in silence. She did not +wear the gray dress to-day, but a black one, whose contrast made her +fair face look still whiter. A thin gold chain, from which hung an +old-fashioned locket, was twisted around her neck. I afterward learned +that it contained her mother's miniature. I do not remember ever having +seen her wear any other ornament. + +Her expression was even colder and more repellent than usual, yet she +seemed to me more beautiful than on the first day I saw her. She again +wore over her golden hair the little black kerchief I thought her most +becoming head-gear. + +"You were at church to-day, Fraeulein," I began at last, for I felt that +I must hear something about my sermon. + +"Yes," she answered, gazing calmly at the freshly dug beds by the path. +"But I shall not go again when you preach." + +"Why?" + +"Because I will not have the God I love marred by you." + +This was too much. I stopped as though a loaded pistol had been fired +under my nose. + +"Permit me to ask," I said, essaying a superior smile, "in what respect +the God you love differs from him whom we all, including myself, have +worshiped in our Sunday service to-day." + +"Oh, if you wish to know," she replied with a slight curl of the lip, +which, spite of my wrath at her depreciation, I thought bewitching. +"You have made a God who reigns in heaven very much as an aristocratic +patron of the church rules his estate. When there is a harvest festival +here, and the peasants come into the court-yard of the castle to cheer +the noble family, they arrange themselves on the steps very much as, in +your imagination, humanity stands on your staircase: the magistrates at +the top, then the villagers, graded according to the amount of their +property and cattle, and at the very bottom Mother Lieschen, who owns +nothing but a wretched hut, a dog, and a goat, yet nevertheless +receives a gracious glance because, as you think, she is poor in +spirit. To certain ears this may have been an admirable prophecy of the +Day of Judgment. In the ears of God it must have sounded somewhat +differently." + +"Then you do not admit the gradual development of all mortal +creatures?" + +"Certainly. Who would deny it? Only the image of poor humanity probably +looks somewhat different to the omniscient eyes of God than when seen +through the spectacles of our arrogant prejudices. If there were such a +staircase, reaching to the portals of heaven, Mother Lieschen might +perhaps stand on the topmost step, and certain others, to whom you have +borne such flattering testimony, at the very bottom." + +I wished to give the conversation, which was becoming more and more +embarrassing to me, a different turn, and said in the gayest tone I +could assume: + +"You seem to be a special patroness of this old dame, who doubtless +possesses a multitude of secret virtues. You preferred the seat by her +side to one in the baron's pew." + +She now stopped in her turn, flashing so strange a glance at me from +her brown eyes, that all inclination to jest vanished. + +"Yes," she said, "I like to sit where my heart attracts me. I think +there would be neither patrons' pews in the church, nor hereditary +tombs in the grave-yard, if people did not merely bear God's words on +their lips, but were aware that we are all sinners and lack the grace +we ought to have before God. Their forgetfulness of it is the fault of +the false expounders of the gospel, who value worldly profit more than +the kingdom of heaven. Ay, look at me, Herr Weissbrod. You, too, are +among them, spite of your excellent theological testimonials and St. +John's head. Otherwise you would not speak of the old dame with pitying +contempt, merely because she is the poorest person in the parish. First +learn to know her as I do. Then I hope your derision of her secret +virtues will cease. That she _does_ conceal them is possibly her +greatest merit, and God, who seeth in secret, will perhaps reward her +openly." + +She turned away with a hasty gesture of indignation, and seemed about +to leave me. But I was not so easily shaken off. + +"I have irritated you, Fraeulein," I said somewhat dejectedly. "We will +discuss my theology no further. But I should be very grateful if you +would give me some other particulars of your protegee. I really did not +intend to despise the old dame on account of her poverty." + +"Really?" she retorted. "Did you not? Well, I will believe you, though +you don't seem to possess much knowledge of character. But you would be +greatly mistaken if you supposed that Mother Lieschen is one of the +poor in spirit. Let me tell you that I owe all, or at any rate a large +share, of my love and reverence for God, and the small amount of +Christian patience I have acquired, solely to my intercourse with this +sorely tried soul. When I made her acquaintance, six years ago, I had a +defiant, despairing heart. Now I believe, in all humility and +cheerfulness, that my Creator will impose upon me no heavier burden +than I can bear, and know that a human being who possesses genuine +nobility can never lose it, no matter into what society he may be +thrown. Only he must fear God more than men, even those who, in your +opinion, stand on the highest step, next the angels and archangels, as +at court the second rank of nobility is close beside the royal +personage. You wonder to hear a Canoness speak so irreverently of noble +birth. But I have seen too many base and contemptible acts perpetrated +by people with the longest pedigrees, to feel very proud of my +ancestors. There will be quite a different Almanach de Gotha in heaven +from the one here below, I think, and perhaps there Mother Lieschen +will have a nine-pointed coronet over her name." + +Wondering more and more, I made no reply. She had hurled these remarks +at me with sharp abruptness, while her fair face flushed, and the +little locks on her temples trembled with repressed excitement. I had +had no idea that an aristocratic young lady could cherish such +democratic ideas and express them as a matter of course. + +"Tell me more about this rare Christian," I asked at last. + +"Oh, that is soon done. She lost three fine sons in the war of +liberation; her only daughter was led astray by a dissolute +fellow--also one of those on the highest step; her husband, who until +then had been thoroughly steady, was driven by sorrow to the demon of +drink, and died a wretched death. She herself was at first utterly +crushed by all these troubles, especially as the little property she +possessed was lost through faithless people. But she remembered the +promise, 'All things work together for good, to them that love God,' +and resolved that she would not suffer herself to be overwhelmed, but +in her great desolation constantly sought those who were as sorely +tried, nursed the sick, and shared her last mouthful with a poor +outcast till the girl could maintain herself. While thus employed, her +old heart became at last so cheerful that whenever I am with her all my +own somber thoughts leave me, and I would rather cross her threshold +than stand on the topmost step of your staircase and be invited to +enter by an aristocratic archangel, as the reception of the few elect +was just being held. Now I will bid you good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. I +have something to tell Uncle Joachim." + +After passing through the kitchen-garden, we had again reached the +little summer-house. The Canoness nodded haughtily, raised the latch, +and left me standing outside, disturbed and bewildered. + + + + * * * * * + + +But, strange to say, roughly as the shower-bath had dashed over me, I +did not feel in the least chilled, but revived and strengthened, as we +do after a rain which, though drenching us to the skin, has at the same +time washed all the dust and feverish heat from our limbs, so that, +even while shaking and shivering, we can not help laughing at the +baptism. + +Even had her words been more severe and stinging they would have +inflicted no sharp wounds, for the voice which uttered them soothed me +like balm, though the tones were by no means gentle, but often harsh +with indignation. Yet, when she spoke of the persons and things that +were dear to her, one could imagine no richer melody. I felt in that +hour a strange ambition to have her voice some day pronounce my name +also in that sweet, thrilling tone. + +And how her whole appearance had bewitched me, while she lectured me so +pitilessly! + +I was lost in reverie as I returned to the castle. Cousin Kasimir met +me, and asked if I knew where Fraeulein Luise was. I shook my head. Even +his hang-dog face did not seem quite so disagreeable when the pinched +lips uttered that name. + +And how I felt an hour later when, unable to fix my thoughts upon any +occupation, I sat at my tower-window and suddenly heard beneath me +the piano and then the voice for which I had so passionately longed. +To-day, since the time for sleep had not yet come, there was no +repression, but a power and fullness of melody which, when a note +seemed to soar triumphantly upward, or to sink into the very depths of +the soul, sometimes brought my heart into my throat. It was another +aria by the same composer, who was her special favorite. For nearly an +hour this pure flood of harmony flowed through my penitent soul. I may +truly say that whatever transformation of my nature her words had +failed to accomplish was completed by her singing. + +When the supper hour arrived, I sent word by the servant that I begged +to be excused, I was not well. + +With this fib my first Sunday ended. I was, on the contrary, so +rapturously well that I could not bear to be confined within four +walls, but slipped out into the open air and sauntered for several +hours, with an overflowing heart, under the waving branches of the +trees, and over the young grain sprouting in the dark fields, until all +the lights in the castle were extinguished. + + + + * * * * * + + +If, from the foregoing confession of faith, you have drawn the +inference that Herr Johannes Weissbrod had regularly fallen in love +with Fraeulein Luise von X., the conjecture might be termed premature. + +True, I had had as yet no personal experience in this department, but I +knew from the stories of others, and my own few observations, that love +includes the tender desire to take possession of the beloved object. +Even in its boldest dreams my agitated soul had not felt a trace of +such a yearning. If ever so-called Platonic affection existed, it was +in my case, though some eccentricities would have given a third person +cause to smile. + +For, albeit I could not help thinking constantly of her, I did not feel +this constraint, after the manner of lovers, as a sweet bond imposed +upon me, but struggled against my chains, and had moments when I almost +hated them, though even then she seemed to me one of the most +remarkable human beings I had ever met. At such times I would gladly +have practiced some little act of retaliation upon her--of course +merely to shame her, and show that I really was no such contemptible +fellow, but with my intellect and learning could have held my own +beside any arrogant young lady. + +I also detected in myself a secret envy, which will show you how far I +was from the usual condition of being in love. I would gladly have been +in Uncle Joachim's place, even for a few hours, to feel how it seemed +to be liked and honored by this girl. And, if this could not be, I +would have even consented to be transformed by some magic spell into +Mother Lieschen. + +At night I dreamed that the beautiful staircase to the portal of heaven +was before me perfectly empty; but when I tried to mount it I +constantly slipped back, till at last I remained with bruised knees on +the lowest step. Just at that moment the door opened and St. Peter came +out--who, however, bore a striking likeness to Uncle Joachim--leading +with his right hand the Canoness and with his left Mother Lieschen. All +three looked down at me and suddenly began to laugh. I started up +angrily, and gave them a sharp lecture on the wickedness of malice. +While I was in the midst of it, the little old baroness came up, looked +compassionately at me, and said, "Give me your hand, my son." Then she +led me up the stairs with as light a step as if she were no longer an +invalid, saying, "You see, Johannes, it is perfectly easy, only we must +leave behind the learned luggage you have dragged with you in your +trunk." And, indeed, it seemed as if I had received winged shoes, like +the messenger of the Greek gods, yet the stairs appeared endless. +Higher and higher I floated, but still saw the three at the same +distance above me, only they were no longer laughing, and the vision +constantly grew paler, till at last I beheld nothing but the horn +buttons on St. Peter's gray coat, glittering like stars, and the +Canoness's golden hair shone like the sun on a winter day, while Mother +Lieschen's gray locks fluttered around her little pale face like the +autumn clouds about the moon. When at last the dread that I should +never get up found utterance in a shrill cry, I woke and felt ashamed +that the sun was shining on my bed. + + + * * * * * + + +My first business that morning was to send for the barber who shaved +the baron every day, and have him cut my hair. True, what remained was +still brushed behind my ears, the parting, however, was no longer +exactly in the middle, but a little on the left side. When I went down +with my pupil to the history lesson I was vexed that this important +change in my outer man, symbolical of a transformation of my views, did +not receive a glance from her on whom I hoped it would produce an +impression. Achatz alone made some foolish remark about it, which I +sternly reproved. Fraeulein Luise again sat at the window, sewing on a +child's jacket, as completely unmoved as if nothing had passed between +us the day before. + +So she remained during the whole week. I did not understand how I could +have fancied, even in a dream, that I heard her laugh, for she never +laughed. + +I should have been delighted to meet her again alone, but she never +permitted it. So I had no resource except to continue in my next sermon +our conversation in the kitchen-garden, an expedient which gave me one +advantage--she would be unable to interrupt me. + +But, while in the act of connecting my sermon with my cleverly chosen +text, the old pastor sent me word by one of the school-children that, +as his foot was now tolerably well, he intended to occupy the pulpit +himself on the following Sunday. + +This greatly annoyed me. When the Sunday came I should have preferred +to stay away from church, especially as I did not know which would be +the most suitable seat for me. I could not take my place in the baron's +pew without a special invitation, which was not given, and I did not +consider it exactly proper to sit among the congregation. So I chose an +excellent expedient by joining the schoolmaster in the organ-loft, +where a dozen towheaded children stared at me. Requesting the worthy +man, by a condescending gesture, not to trouble himself about me, I sat +down on a stool behind the low wooden railing. + +From here I could overlook the whole church except the last bench under +the organ-loft, which was the very one that most interested me, because +I supposed Mother Lieschen and some one else to be there. But I had not +much time for such thoughts. + +While the hymn was being sung, the door of the vestry opened and the +old pastor appeared, accompanied by the sexton, who carried the Bible, +while his wife walked by his side, supporting his feeble steps with her +strong hand. With trembling knees the old clergyman slowly ascended the +pulpit stairs, and was obliged to rest for a time--which he passed in +silent prayer--in a chair that had been placed for him. Then he rose as +if refreshed, and, when he had opened the Bible and cast a long, gentle +glance over the congregation, he seemed ten years younger, and his +wrinkled but kindly apostolic face glowed as though illumined by the +fire of youth. + +He had chosen for his text the words of the seventh psalm: "My defense +is of God, which saveth the upright in heart." + +I had intended to watch sharply, to endeavor to detect some reference +to my own sermon, as I could well imagine that the pastor's wife had +told her husband about it, and not in the most favorable way. But after +the first few sentences all my vain self-consciousness vanished, and +even my renowned powers of theological criticism, which I had so often +valiantly tested at the university. True, there was no trace of any +controversial disposition in the low words from those withered lips, +which, however, were so distinct that not one remained unheard. The old +man opened his reverent heart to all who had ears to listen, as a +father speaks to the children who cluster around his knees. I have +forgotten what he said. It was anything but what is termed an +intellectual discourse. But the tone of his voice has rung in my ears +all my life, as though I had heard it only yesterday. + +I can remember but one thing: that he referred to the calamity of the +preceding year, when floods and stunted harvests had affected the +village; but all this trouble had not been able to depress pious +hearts, only those who did not have God for their shield, and what a +precious thing this shield was, and many more simple, earnest words of +this sort, all appealing with gentle power to every heart, because they +did not merely spring from the lips, but were felt in the depths of the +soul. + +The dull peasants listened so breathlessly that the fall of a leaf +might have been heard in the church. I glanced once at the occupants of +the red pew. The baron had closed his eyes and bowed his handsome head +on his breast--in contrition, as I first thought. Then I perceived, by +the strange nodding, as it drooped lower, that he was indulging in a +little nap. His wife's face, on the contrary, was raised, and she did +not avert her eyes from the venerable bald head and silver locks of the +speaker. As Mademoiselle Suzon was of a different faith, it could +hardly be considered a crime that she was constantly glancing here and +there over the congregation. + +When the sermon was over, and the people were just preparing to sing +the last two verses of that day's hymn, I hastily signed to the +schoolmaster to let me take his seat at the organ, and at first +modestly played the accompaniment; afterward, however, I put forth all +my skill, not from the vain desire to make myself talked about, but an +earnest longing to pour forth in music all the emotions of my +overflowing heart. + +A magnificent motet by Graun had been constantly echoing in my ears +during the sermon, a harmony as full of the faith of childhood and the +gentleness of age as the nature of the old clergyman in the pulpit. I +now began to play it with a quiet fervor and triumphant devotion which +finally made the tears gush from my own eyes. At the same time the +image of the maiden whom I revered rose before my mind, and, as I had +so long been unable to communicate with her in words, it was a pleasure +to think: She is hearing you play, and, as her own being is instinct +with music, you will approach her across all the gulfs that yawn +between you, and she must begin to think better of you! + +When I at last closed with a bit of improvisation, and rose, glowing +with excitement, I saw close behind me the whole flock of children from +both villages, who had stolen softly up from below and gathered around +with shy reverence, as if I were a magician. But I sought only one pair +of eyes, and enjoyed the first happy moment for several days. The +Canoness was standing beside the old peasant woman, gazing rapturously +into vacancy, as though still under the thrall of the notes she had +just heard. As I passed with a slight bow, she only moved her blonde +lashes a little, while her lips parted in a serene smile. No +enthusiastic eulogy could have rewarded me more highly. + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait to meet her again at dinner. I fully expected +that she would at last break her cold silence, and question me about +what I had played, my musical studies and tastes. But nothing of the +sort occurred. Nay, while all the others were praising and admiring me, +and the Frenchwoman, with studied graciousness, kept her black eyes on +my face, and laid a large piece of roast goose on my plate with her own +hands, Fraeulein Luise looked at me so absently and indifferently that I +could not help secretly brooding over this mystery. + +I was also annoyed because the baron, who had made no allusion to my +sermon, delivered a long speech about my organ-music, from which I +perceived that he had not taken the slightest interest in it, and was +merely patching together, with a defective memory, certain phrases +about the value of music to religious consciousness and the sin of +considering the old church-hymns antiquated. + +But Uncle Joachim vouchsafed me for the first time a brief conversation +in a low tone, which, however, I scarcely regarded as an honor. I +thought him an insignificant, frivolous old nobleman; besides, he had +not been to church at all. + +I longed to learn whether I owed the happy moment after my playing to +self-delusion, or what was the reason I had again fallen into disfavor +with the Canoness. So, soon after dinner, I went into the park and +sauntered about within a short distance of the summer-house, holding in +my hand a book, at which I gazed intently without reading a line. + +My friend Liborius had told me that Fraeulein Luise drank coffee every +Sunday afternoon with her Uncle Joachim, who made it himself in his +little pot, and ordered the cakes from the town at the next station. +They always enjoyed it very much, and could often be heard talking and +laughing loudly together. + +I had seen her go there that day, after giving a Sunday morsel to the +sick peacock and stroking its back as it came up to her, screaming and +fluttering. I did not understand how she could love the spiteful, +disagreeable bird, any more than I could comprehend what attracted her +to her godless uncle, with his sarcastic smile, whom I so greatly +envied on account of her preference. I waited at my post an hour and a +half in a very irritated mood, and was just in the act of turning away, +and driving the arrogant enchantress out of my thoughts, when the door +of the summer-house opened and she herself appeared, evidently in the +gayest humor. + +But, as she caught sight of me, a shadow instantly flitted over her +face, and only a faint smile of superiority lingered on her lips. + +"You are waiting for me, Herr Weissbrod," she said, carelessly, +advancing directly to me. "You want a compliment for your church +concert, do you not? Well, you played very finely." + +I was so bewildered by this address, and still more by the glance with +which she seemed to illumine my inmost heart, and read my most secret +thoughts, that at first I could only stammer a few unmeaning words. She +seemed to pity my awkwardness. + +"Yes," she repeated, "you really played very finely. Where did you +learn? Our organ sounds well, doesn't it? Do you play on the piano +too?" + +I answered that I had taken lessons at college, but had never made much +progress on the piano, which required greater dexterity. Besides, there +were no such beautiful, solemn melodies for the piano as for the organ. + +She again looked at me with so strange an expression that I lowered my +eyes. + +"Do you love music only when it is solemn?" she asked, and turned away +as if to leave me. But I was determined to speak freely and compel her +to confess her grudge against me. + +"I thought you would be of the same opinion on this point," I answered, +hastily. "At least I have only heard you sing slow, solemn melodies." + +"Me? Oh, yes! You are my neighbor in the tower." She smiled faintly, +but instantly grew grave again. "Well, would you like to know why I +sing nothing else? Because I have a heavy voice that does not suit gay +airs. Yet 'Bloom, dear Violet,' and 'When I on my Faded Cheek,' or +anything still more light and cheerful, can touch the feelings as much +as the most devout choral, if it only comes from a merry heart and a +pure voice. True, we can not win artistic renown or be considered +specially pious by singing such things; though I think God has the same +pleasure in the chirp of the cricket as in the trills of the +nightingale." + +"You wound me, Fraeulein," I answered, crimson with emotion. "You do me +great injustice if you believe that what I do or leave undone is for +the sake of external effect. Who gave you so bad an opinion of me?" + +She stopped and looked at me again, not into my eyes, but at my hair, +whose parting had meanwhile daily moved farther to the left. + +"Do you really care to know what I think of you? Well, I believe you +vain and weak, a man who no longer reflects upon anything because he +imagines he has made himself familiar, once for all, with all the +enigmas of life, though he does not yet know even the first word of +them. I don't blame you, for I know that this is the case with most of +those who have pursued your path. But, as I have different ideas of the +one thing needful, we certainly have nothing to share with each other." + +I felt a keen pang at these words, but was resolved at any cost to know +more, to know everything. + +"And what is your idea of the one thing needful?" I asked, trembling +with emotion. "You say such hard things to me. Are you perfectly sure +that you have a right to do so? Are you certain that you are yourself +in possession of the right knowledge?" + +"Oh, no," she replied, and her voice suddenly sounded strangely low and +earnest, as if she were speaking only to herself; "but I know that I +seek truth and allow myself to be led astray by no external delusion, +peril, or reward. No more can be required of any one, but no human +being should demand less from himself. I don't know why I am saying +this to you; I see by your puzzled face that it is a language wholly +unfamiliar. Well, I have neither taste nor talent for converting any +one. I shall thank God if I can conquer myself." + +She bent over a bed to straighten a young cabbage-plant that had just +been set out and was half trodden down. + +"Fraeulein," I said, once more fully conscious of my ecclesiastical +dignity, "has not God himself pointed out to us the way in which we +must seek him? And is it not boastful to disdain this allotted way and +seek a side-path, merely in order to be able to say to ourselves that +we do not follow the high-road?" + +She straightened herself, and flashed a glance at me from her dark +eyes, which she always closed a little when angry. + +"Boastful!" she answered. "If food that neither satisfies nor nourishes +is offered, and I can break from some bough fruit that suits me better! +Boastful, because I do not wish to starve! That is only another of +those speeches learned by rote. You do not even suspect how much you +yourself suffer from arrogance." Then, after a pause, during which I +persistently asked myself, "Good Heavens! what am I to do? how shall I +say anything that does not displease her?" she added: + +"I will tell you why the high-road is so detestable to me: because I +can not bear to hear strangers chatter thoughtlessly about things I +love. If I revere any human being, it always seems to me like a +desecration to hear him approved and praised by others who do not know +him so well; how much more when I hear all sorts of things said about +my Creator, things which distort the image of him I cherish in my +heart! I suddenly turn as cold as ice, and feel as much oppressed as if +he were taken from me, and strangers were pressing between us. Whoever +really loves God keeps that love secretly, does not repeat others' +protestations of affection, nor use worn-out forms of speech already +employed a thousand times. It seems to me like having a love-letter +copied from a letter-writer. You know the passage in the Bible that +says we must go to our closets and shut the door. Yet you come forward +publicly and preach your petty human wisdom, as if you were thereby +doing God a special favor. If you had a wife, would you not be ashamed +to plant yourself in the village street and protest that she was a +paragon of her sex?" + +"Oh," I said, "how can you make such a comparison! God belongs to no +one person alone." + +"Do you really believe so? I think, on the contrary, that God belongs +to every human being alone. He dwells in a special way in each human +soul, and whoever does not feel this has not received him into his +heart at all." + +"Then you object to all public worship, Fraeulein?" + +"No, only that which prevents our coming to ourselves and God within +us. Did you not hear how our old pastor preached to-day? How completely +he forgot that he was in a crowded church, and poured out his heart as +if he were alone with his Creator! So every one had time to do the +same, and also approach God in his own soul. The rest of the old man's +discourse was like a father talking to his children. Even if they did +not all agree with him, they heard him speak from his inmost heart, and +were glad to have him still among them and see his venerable white hair +and his gentle eyes." + +"Then it surely is not my fault if I can not assume the right paternal +tone, since my hair is not yet white," I answered, trying to jest. + +"Not your fault," she replied, "but the fault of those who believe +young people capable of taking charge of a parish. Well, it is all the +same to me." + +"Because you will not go to church again when I preach? Oh, Fraeulein, +try once more! Don't give me up too quickly! What you have said has +made a deeper impression upon me than you suppose. Perhaps we may yet +understand each other better than you now believe." + +She reflected an instant, and then said: "Very well, if you lay stress +upon it, I will try once more. At the worst, I can think of something +else. Farewell!" + +She left me, and walked with her swift, even steps to the castle. + + + * * * * * + + +I can not describe the state of mind in which I spent the days until +the following Sunday. + +When a house, in which a man has lived safely and happily for years, +suddenly falls under the shock of an earthquake, and he escapes, at +great peril, with bruised head and half-broken limbs into the open air, +his feelings may be somewhat akin to mine. + +At first, it is true, the old Adam stirred and tried to reconstruct the +ruined edifice and persuade me that it might be made habitable again. +But I soon felt that the dust floating around it oppressed my breathing +more and more, and the old walls shook at the slightest motion. Only +one little room had escaped the universal destruction--the one I was to +enter and shut the door behind me to be alone with my Creator and my +love for him. + +But I am not writing the confessions of my own soul and my incarnation, +but the account of a far better and more interesting human being. So I +will be brief. + +My anxiety lest the old pastor should be able to fill his pulpit again +the following Sunday, for which I did not reproach myself at all, +though it showed little love for my neighbor, had been superfluous. His +disease again confined him to the arm-chair by the window. But he +talked long and cordially with me, and, when on my departure he +embraced me, I thought I perceived that he was better satisfied with my +conversation this time than during our first interview. With his wife, +however, I had found no special favor as yet. + +When the Sunday had come and I heard the bells ring and the hymn was +sung, I was obliged to drink a glass of the wine kept in the vestry for +the communion service, in order to control the wholly unprecedented +weakness that assailed me. My knees trembled as if I were about to +plead my own cause before a jury, in a case where my life was at stake. +Yet there were only two judges in the church whose verdict I valued--my +own consciousness, and the grave face beside Mother Lieschen in the +last pew. + +To be brief, the culprit was absolved. + +I had chosen the text, "I will not let thee go, except thou bless me!" + +And when I began to speak it was not long ere I forgot everything +around and was entirely alone in the church with one whom hitherto I +had only known afar off, but who now for the first time drew near me, +clasped my cold, damp hand, and gazed into my eyes with indescribable +goodness, gentleness, and majesty, so that I clung fervently to him and +poured forth all the trouble of my bewildered soul till he raised and +blessed me. + +My heart was so melted by the feeling of having at last beheld my God +that I did not even glance at the pew under the organ-loft. But, in a +pause which I was compelled to make to control my emotion, I perceived +two things that satisfied me that I had found the right words: the +pastor's wife was gazing affectionately at me with motherly love, as if +she were listening to her own son, and the baron had again let his chin +sink on his breast and was sleeping the sleep of the just, as soundly +and sweetly as I had seen him on the previous Sunday during the old +pastor's sermon. + + + * * * * * + + +I could scarcely wait for dinner. I did not expect a kind word from any +of the others, but I firmly believed that she would grant me a friendly +look. + +But, as I entered the dining-room, my first glance fell on the cold, +arrogant face of Cousin Kasimir, and all my pleasure was spoiled. + +True, my heart grew warm again. For the first time Uncle Joachim was +not the only one who pressed my hand. Fraeulein Luise also extended +hers, which was neither small nor especially white, but, when I +cordially clasped and pressed it, I felt a joy akin to that of the +first man when the Creator stretched out his hand and bade him rise and +look heavenward. + +It was but a brief happiness; I perceived, by the Canoness's stern eyes +and compressed lips, that she was no longer thinking of me and my +sermon, but of something repulsive and hopeless. Besides, she did not +whisper some confidential remark to her neighbor now and then, as +usual, and a leaden cloud of discomfort rested upon the whole company +at table. + +Cousin Kasimir alone seemed to be in an unusually cheerful mood, which, +however, did not appear quite natural, and chattered continually, +telling hunting stories, news from Berlin, and occasionally commencing +bits of gossip, which the baron hastened to interrupt on the children's +account. + +He was very handsomely dressed, wore a small bouquet of violets in his +new dark-blue coat, and had carefully trimmed his somewhat thin fair +hair and small mustache. + +As soon as we rose from the table, the Canoness was retiring as usual, +but her uncle said: "Come to my room, Luise." She looked at him with a +steady, almost defiant glance, then stooped to kiss her aunt's cheek +and followed him. + +Cousin Kasimir had approached Mademoiselle Suzon, to whom he constantly +paid compliments in French, without receiving any special +encouragement. My pupil had seized his sister's hand and hurried off to +show her a new gun Cousin Kasimir had brought him. The old baroness sat +in her high-backed chair, gazing at the beautiful blue sky as if her +thoughts were far away. I took my leave of her, which roused her from +her abstraction, and she gave me her little wrinkled hand, looked at me +with her sad, gentle eyes, and said: "You edified me greatly to-day, +Herr Candidate. God bless you for it." + +At any other time this praise would have greatly delighted me, but +to-day all my thoughts were fixed on the person to whom my heart clung, +and I could not shake off the idea that she was now enduring an +unpleasant scene. I went up to my chamber in the tower and paced +restlessly to and fro within its four walls, like a wild beast +in a cage. Sometimes I went to the window and looked down into the +court-yard without knowing what I expected to see there. An hour +probably passed in this way, then a groom led Cousin Kasimir's horse to +the foot of the steps and, directly after, he himself appeared, +accompanied by the master of the house. He was very much excited, he +had cocked his hat defiantly over his left eye, and was lashing his +high boots violently with his riding-whip. I heard his disagreeable +laugh, which now sounded angry and malignant. He shook the baron's hand +and, with a wrathful smile, said a few words I did not understand, +which brought a sullen look to his companion's face. Then he swung +himself into the saddle, driving his spurs into the flanks of his noble +horse so cruelly that it reared high in the air, and then darted like +an arrow down the elm avenue with its savage rider. + +I remained standing at the window a little longer; I did not know +myself why I felt so strangely relieved by this speedy departure. +Something decisive, something that had made the hated cousin's blood +boil, had evidently occurred. And I grudged him no vexation. + +The air was now pure again, and I determined to go down to the +kitchen-garden in quest of information. But, while passing Uncle +Joachim's open windows, I did not hear the Canoness's voice, and could +nowhere find any trace of her. The peacock screamed so discontentedly +as I passed him that I knew he had not received his usual Sunday +dainty. But in other respects the garden was very pleasant, the beds +were full of spring flowers, and the first light-green foliage was +waving on all the branches in the delightful May air. At last I met my +old friend Liborius. + +He was sitting in his clean white sleeves on one of the farthest +benches, with a tattered book in his hand, and a cigar, a luxury he +allowed himself only on Sunday, between his teeth. + +I sat down beside him, took the volume, which was nothing worse than a +novel by Van der Velde, now forgotten, and ere ten minutes had passed I +knew everything I desired to learn. For, as the castle afforded no +other entertainment, so thorough a system of watching and listening had +been established that the family might as well have discussed their +most private affairs before the assembled servants as behind closed +doors. + +The long and short of the matter was that Cousin Kasimir had sued for +the hand of the Canoness; but the latter, on being informed by her +uncle of the flattering and advantageous offer, had curtly replied that +she felt neither love nor esteem for the suitor, and begged once for +all that she might hear no more about him. + +A terrible scene had followed, the baron had flown into an +inconceivable fury, upbraided her for her poverty, her impiety, her +defiance of his kindness and wisdom as her guardian, and who could tell +where it might have ended had not the young lady turned away with a +contemptuous shrug of the shoulders and left the room. + +Now even her pleasant coffee-drinking with Uncle Joachim was spoiled. +She had locked herself up in her chamber, and would not see any human +being. + +I heard all this--part of which I had already conjectured--with secret +triumph, bade my informant good-evening, and strolled through the park +into the open country. + +Never had I been so happy on any day I had spent in the castle. A small +quiet flame was burning in my breast, as if it were some pure +hearthstone, and must have shone from my eyes. At least all who met me +looked at me as if they saw me for the first time, or, rather, were +wondering what change had taken place in me. The peasants in that +neighborhood are not loquacious, but more than one stopped of his own +accord and said something about the crops, the weather, and the need of +a good harvest, in which I thought I heard the assurance that they no +longer considered me a stranger, but would confidently confess their +spiritual wants as well as their external ones. + +And the young grain was so beautifully green, the little fleecy clouds +in the bright sky drifted along so gayly, the countless nightingales +were already beginning their evening songs, scarcely a patch of green +was visible in the meadows among the spring flowers, the dogs lay +yawning and stretching in front of the little houses, which extended +from the village to the fir-wood, and the only person who had been like +the Satan of this beautiful spot of earth, Cousin Kasimir, had +departed, gnashing his teeth, leaving the good people to enjoy the +bright Sunday repose. + +When I at last approached the little wood, whose narrow border of young +birch-trees bounded the last inhabited tract, I saw a low hut whose +straw roof looked as awry and dilapidated as a moth-eaten fur cap that +has fallen over one of its wearer's ears. I knew that Mother Lieschen +lived here, but had always passed by it on my strolls. To-day some +impulse prompted me to go there. + +It was a miserable shelter for a human being, having but one window by +the side of the low door, and only a single room, which had not been +whitewashed for many years. A patch of ground behind it, inclosed by +a low, ruinous fence, contained a few potato-plants and two tiny +flower-beds, both still empty. A lean goat, tethered to the fence, was +grazing on a bit of turf; two pairs of stockings and a much-darned +shirt were hanging on the old palings to dry. Yet this scene of the +deepest poverty seemed to me more beautiful than Gessner's trimmest +idyl, for, on the bench before the house, by the side of the old woman, +whose thin gray hair fluttered unconfined, sat the object of my secret +worship. + + + * * * * * + + +The Canoness held on her lap a woman's old blue waist, which she was so +busily engaged in darning that she did not notice my approach until I +stood close before her. Mother Lieschen was half blind, and could not +see anything at a distance of more than two paces. + +I was greatly astonished, when Fraeulein Luise looked up at me, to see +in her beautiful, calm face no trace of the emotions which had +embittered the afternoon. + +She greeted me in her usual simple way, but I felt that I was no longer +a disagreeable object. With a slight blush, she told me that she was +helping the old woman--whose stiff fingers could scarcely hold the +needle--with her sewing. I asked if I might join them, and took my seat +on the bottom of a wash-tub turned upside down. The kitten came out of +the hut, rubbed purring against me, and at last jumped confidingly into +my lap. Then a short conversation began, which seemed to me far more +interesting than the most profound debates at our college. + +I do not know what we talked about, but I can still remember that the +old dame, who spoke the purest Low German, sometimes made brief, droll +remarks, which greatly amused all three of us. She had asked Fraeulein +Luise to tell her about Berlin, where, though nearly seventy, she had +never been. But the Canoness did not relate all the marvels as if she +were talking to a child, but as though she expected from Mother +Lieschen's wisdom a decisive verdict upon people and things. I rarely +mingled in the conversation between the two friends, but gazed intently +at the Canoness's beautiful bowed face and amber hair, and then at the +slender fingers that used the needle and thread so nimbly. Sometimes +the goat bleated, and the kitten arched her soft back to rub it against +my hand. + +At last the difficult task was finished, and Fraeulein Luise rose, +pressed the old dame's shriveled fingers, pushed back from her face a +few gray hairs that had fallen over her eyes, and prepared to return +home. + +I asked if I might accompany her, and she silently nodded assent. +Yet at first we said nothing. I cast stolen side-glances at her. She +wore a dark summer dress, very simple in style, which, like all her +clothes--as I knew through friend Liborius--she had made herself. But +it fitted her so well. Her figure, which afterward became somewhat too +stout, was then in its most perfect symmetry. + +At last I said, "You are becoming a deaconess, Fraeulein, after all. At +least, I am constantly meeting you engaged in some work of charity." + +She looked calmly at me. "I hope you don't say that in mockery, because +you do not believe in works, and think salvation is gained only by +faith. But I have never understood that. Whoever regards neighborly +love as not merely a command, but a necessity of the heart, can be +happy on earth only when he helps his fellow-man wherever he can. And +do you really believe any one can be happy in heaven who was not so on +earth?" + +I now launched into a long discourse upon salvation by faith, till I +perceived that she was listening absently. + +Suddenly she interrupted me. + +"No, I would not do for a deaconess. If I were to wear a special +uniform of Christian charity, I should begin to be ashamed of what is +best and dearest within me. A thing that is a matter of course ought +not to be made a profession whose sign we wear. Others, I know, think +differently. But neither could I put on the pastor's robe, if I were a +man. Yet perhaps it is necessary; people cling to appearances, and +clothes make people." + +She said all this interruptedly, stooping frequently to gather +flowers--which she arranged in a bouquet--from the meadows through +which we were walking. + +Somewhat embarrassed to defend my position, I tried to help myself with +a jest. + +"I would give much if I could see you stand in the pulpit in a black +robe and bands, and hear you preach. But tell me, if you had been a +man, what profession would you have chosen?" + +The Canoness stood still a moment, apparently gazing at a wide, radiant +prospect with a rapt expression I had never seen on her face before. + +"I would have been an artist, an actor, or a singer," she said, softly. + +"An actor?" I replied, scarcely concealing my horror. + +"What do you discover so terrible in that?" she asked, with a slight, +sarcastic smile. "Is it not a magnificent thing to embody the +characters of a great author, to cast noble, beautiful thoughts among +the throng of breathless listeners? But perhaps you know nothing about +it. You believe the theatre to be a sink of iniquity, like so many of +your class. I can only pity you. I have neither the desire nor the +power to convert you to a better view." + +"And where were you yourself converted?" + +"Oh, I--I, like you, was reared to loathe this so-called jugglery. But, +three years ago, I spent several months in Berlin. An old aunt, who was +very fond of me, sent for me because she was entirely alone. Uncle +Joachim took me to her. There I spent the happiest period of my life, +and there the scales fell from my eyes." + +"If those are your views, have you never felt tempted to become a +singer?" I inquired. "With your beautiful voice and love for music--" + +"No," she answered, firmly, "as a girl I should never have ventured +into that career. For the very reason that music lies so near my heart, +I should feel it a desecration to be compelled to come forward and +reveal my inmost soul to strangers, who had paid for tickets. Perhaps, +if I had true genius, it would bear me above all such scruples. And yet +the greatest singer I ever heard, Milder--have you heard Milder?" + +I was forced to confess I had never entered an opera-house. + +"Well, then, we will say no more about the matter," she replied. "You +could not understand me. But I pity you." + +Yet she did tell me more of her experiences in Berlin. She had heard +Milder in some of Gluck's operas and in "The Vestal," and described her +appearance, her figure, her execution; then, assuming a majestic +attitude, she herself sang several passages which had specially touched +her. Her fair face flushed crimson, and her eyes sparkled. + +I believe it was on that evening that she enthralled my heart forever. +Not a word was exchanged between us concerning the events of the +afternoon or of my sermon. But I was too happy to find that she gave me +her confidence so far, not to forget myself and my petty vanity. + +We rambled over the fields for an hour, until it grew perfectly dark, +and returned to the castle just at tea-time. The Canoness had arranged +her bouquet very gracefully and laid it beside her aunt's cup, who +patted her arm with a grateful glance. She looked past her uncle into +vacancy, without moving a muscle. The latter was in the worst possible +humor, which he even vented on Mademoiselle Suzon during the game of +chess. + +Soon after I went to my tower-room, Fraeulein Luise began to sing below. +I listened at my open window in a perfect rapture of every sense. +Outside, the nightingales were trilling, beneath me this magnificent +voice, in which so strong, so pure, so noble a woman's soul appealed to +me--I felt as if my whole being had been encompassed with iron bands, +and in this "moonlit, magic night" one after another burst asunder, and +I could breathe freely for the first time. + + + * * * * * + + +Much might be said of the days that followed. They were the happiest of +my young life. But memorable as they are still, distinctly as I can +recall all the trivial events and rapturous joys of many, I shall avoid +relating them in detail. + +Though a man should speak of his first and only love with the tongue of +an angel, he would find no patient listeners. + +Yet, for truth's sake, I must here remark that I did not deceive myself +for an instant in regard to the hopelessness of my passion. But, +strangely enough, this clear perception of the heights and depths which +separated me from the woman I worshiped did not make me unhappy. Nay, +it would only have crippled the lofty flight of my feelings had I +flattered myself that this peerless, unattainable being might some day +prosaically descend from her height and become the wife of a +commonplace village pastor. True, I can not assert that this state of +mere spiritual aspiration would always have continued. If she gave me +her hand, if her dress brushed me, or my foot even touched the shoes +she had put outside her chamber-door in the evening to be cleaned, an +electric shock thrilled me, which doubtless had some other origin than +mere devotion and the worship we pay to saints. + +Still, it never entered my mind to imagine that I could put my arm +around her and press her lips. I believe I should have actually fallen +lifeless from ecstasy if such a thing had occurred. + +Externally everything remained precisely as before--our lesson-hours, +which she always attended as a duenna, our Sunday conversations in the +kitchen-garden, now and then a meeting at Mother Lieschen's. Yet I felt +more and more plainly that she trusted me and had forgiven my former +follies. My hair was now parted wholly on the left side, and no longer +combed behind my ears. + +Whitsuntide came in the middle of June, and Whitsuntide Tuesday was her +birthday, on which she attained her majority. The evening before, I had +composed a long poem addressed to her, no declaration of love, merely a +simple expression of gratitude for all she had done to aid my secret +regeneration. I had carefully erased every exaggerated word that had +flowed from my pen in the first fervor of writing, and substituted a +simpler and more genuine one. I was no great poet, though I had been +considered one at the college. While following the style in which +church hymns are composed, I had been able to deceive myself on this +point. Now that I desired to express my deepest personal feelings, I +perceived that God had not granted me the power "to tell what I +suffered." Yet on the whole I did not succeed badly, and it afforded me +special pleasure to accost her in my lyric flight with the "Du" (thou). + +Then I made a fair copy of my poem, and at midnight stole softly +down-stairs and pushed it under her door, that she might find it the +next morning. + +I waited with many an inward tremor and quickened throbbing of the +heart to learn how she would receive it, and was much relieved when, at +dinner, she showed me by an unusually cordial pressure of the hand that +she had not been displeased. No notice was taken in the household, save +surreptitiously, of the high holiday, for which no celebration, either +of music, illuminations, or fireworks, would have seemed to me +brilliant enough. The old baroness had crocheted a large silver-gray +shawl, which, spite of the heat, the Canoness did not lay aside all +day; Uncle Joachim wore a little bouquet in the button-hole of his gray +coat; my pupil Achatz, who had grown very well behaved, gave her a +horse which he had sketched very carefully from nature; and Fraeulein +Leopoldine had placed in her room a rose-bush in full bloom. The master +of the house appeared to see no reason for making any special ado over +the day, though it must have been a marked one to him, since it +relieved him from the duties of his guardianship. + +"Come and drink coffee with me this afternoon," Uncle Joachim had +whispered to me as he rose from the table. I bowed silently, feeling as +if I had received a patent of nobility. + +When, an hour later, I went to the little summerhouse, I found the +Canoness already there. Diana, Uncle Joachim's pointer, sprang toward +me growling, as soon as I crossed the threshold of the sanctuary; but, +seeing that her master welcomed me kindly, lay down again, whining and +wagging her tail, at the feet of the young lady who, from time to time, +rubbed her smooth back with the tip of her foot. + +Uncle Joachim wore a short summer coat made of unbleached linen, with +yellow bone buttons, and a white cravat, and had brushed the hair over +his high forehead in a curve that gave him a holiday air. On the neatly +covered table, which had been cleared and pushed into the middle of the +room, stood a large pound-cake adorned with a wreath of roses. + +"You ought to brighten up Herr Weissbrod's black coat a little, Luise," +he said, with his dry, good-natured smile. "A poet likes flowers." + +I blushed at finding the secret of my rhymed congratulations betrayed, +and the flush grew deeper when the young lady took several beautiful +buds from the garland and fastened them in my button-hole with her own +hands. Then we three sat in the most delightful friendliness around the +table; Fraeulein Luise poured the coffee from the big Bunzlau[1] pot, +and cut the cake. I was amazed to see with what persistent dexterity +Uncle Joachim made the largest pieces vanish behind his sound teeth, +while I myself had lost all appetite in the delight of being near her. +Meantime a merry little conversation went on, spiced by my host's droll +remarks and Luise's musical laughter. I myself served as a target for +the old gentleman, who indulged in jests about my inward and outward +transformation, but so kindly that I could not help joining in the +laugh, without the least feeling of offense. + +I was ashamed of having at first set so low a value upon this man. No +one could desire a more genial companion; without the least effort he +gave an interesting turn to everything he said. + +When only a small portion of the cake was left, our host filled a +short, smoke-blackened pipe with French tobacco, stretched his long +limbs comfortably under the table, and began for the first time to +really thaw out. He amused himself by recalling how and where, during +the past years, he had spent his niece's birthdays. The year she was +born, he had been in France, and related all sorts of adventures he had +had there, often breaking off, however, as he approached the point, +because they were not exactly fit for a woman's ears. Then he spoke of +his other journeys, his travels in Spain, often with a heavy sigh, +because such delightful days were over. He also questioned me about my +so-called past, and, shaking his head, said, "You have missed a great +deal, Herr Weissbrod. Whoever doesn't sow his wild oats in youth, must +commit his follies later, when they are less easily forgiven. Nature +will not be mocked." + +Luise rose, saying that she was going to take a walk. Then she asked +for a piece of paper, in which she carefully wrapped the remains of the +cake, pressed Uncle Joachim's hand, and nodded pleasantly to me. "Wait +a bit," cried the old gentleman, in Platt Deutsch--he was very fond of +speaking it when in a good humor--"the old witch shall have a birthday +present from me too." While speaking, he took from the chest of drawers +a small snuffbox, which he had made himself out of birch-bark, and +filled it with tobacco. "Here's something for her eyes. She need only +try it. When she has used it all up, I'll give her more." + +I understood that these holiday presents were intended for Mother +Lieschen, and would have been only too glad to accompany the young +lady. But I did not venture to make the offer, and, after she had gone, +remained a few minutes with the old gentleman. + +I call him so because, at that time, when I was only twenty-three, he +really seemed to me very elderly and venerable, but he would have been +not a little offended, or else laughed heartily, had he suspected that, +while only forty-eight, I had already placed him on the catalogue of +ancients. + +When we were alone, he laid his large hairy hand on my shoulder. + +"You are still a young man, Herr Weissbrod," he said. "But when you +have half a century more on your back, even though you have used your +eyes industriously meanwhile, I doubt whether you will have met any +human being more pleasing to God than the girl whose birth we celebrate +to-day. I am glad that, judging from your poem, some idea of this is +beginning to dawn upon you. Only heed this well-meant advice--don't +scorch your wings. That's nonsense." + +I stammered something that sounded like an assurance that I was far +from intending such presumption. + +"That's right, my son," he said, kindly. "Follies, as I declared, are +good things in their way. But we mustn't lose hide and hair in +committing them, like the bear who put his head into the honey-tree and +couldn't pull it out again. Good-evening, Herr Weissbrod. Don't take +offense because I don't go to hear your sermons. My old heathen, the +rheumatism, can't bear the air of the church." + + + * * * * * + + +How often I afterward recalled the worthy man's words, and could not +help sighing mournfully and saying, with a shake of the head, "Good +advice is cheap. You were her uncle, dear friend, and, besides, had had +your due share of 'follies' in the past, while I, poor student of +theology, had yet to learn the first rudiments of passion. + +"Then you did not consider the unreasonable number of nightingales in +the park, which were fairly in league against me; and, what was still +more, the voice below, Gluck's 'Armida,' Spontini's 'Vestal,' and all +the divine spells of golden hair and brown eyes." + +But I am lapsing into Wertherism again. At least, I will commit no more +follies now, but continue my narrative like an honest chronicler. + + + * * * * * + + +We are writing of August 26th. It was a fruitful year, and the harvest +had almost all been garnered. But the heat daily increased, and we +obtained no relief until after sunset. I had gone in the sweat of my +brow to the next village, which belonged to our parish, on an errand of +duty: to aid a sick tailor who desired spiritual consolation--no easy +task. The old sinner, in his terror and despair, had been reading +certain tracts and taken specially to heart the doctrine of the endless +punishments of hell, probably because he was aware that he had made a +sinful use of his tailor's hell[2] here below. + +I did my best to calm him, and, as I had the reputation among my +parishioners of being an enlightened and not fanatical preacher, +succeeded in partially soothing him and inspiring his soul with some +degree of trust in God's mercy. + +As I returned through our own village in the gathering dusk of +twilight, I saw a little group of children standing in front of the +tavern, staring at two dusty, shabby carriages. The first was an +ordinary, four-seated calash, with a torn leather covering, and a +broken spring under the box, temporarily mended with ropes. The second +vehicle was a large, windowless box on a rough platform, such as is +commonly used for a furniture-van. Of the people traveling in this +extraordinary equipage I saw only two persons, who were sitting on the +little bench beside the tavern-door, a bold-eyed, pale-faced young +fellow, not more than twenty, who, with his straw hat trimmed with a +dirty blue ribbon, pushed far back on his head, and his hands thrust +into his pockets, was saying to his companion, amid frequent yawns, all +sorts of things I could not understand. He had a bottle of beer beside +him, from which he occasionally filled a glass, held it up to the +light, and then emptied it at one draught. + +The girl by his side was probably sixteen or eighteen years old. Her +appearance was disagreeable to me at the first glance, though no one +could have helped owning that her prettiness was more than the mere +beauty of youth. But the bold way in which she turned up her little +nose, the scornful looks she cast at the villagers, and especially the +soulless laugh with which she greeted her companion's jests, were +thoroughly repulsive to me. + +Her dress was as shabby as the vehicle in which she had arrived. But +she had fastened a huge red bow into her black hair, and fancied +herself sufficiently adorned in comparison to the barefooted children. +Her little dirty hand held a few flowers, which she continually bit +with her sharp white teeth, and then spat the leaves out of her mouth +again. + +The landlady, who came forward when she saw me stop before the house, +told me that they were actors. There was a married couple, too, but +they were in their room. The manager had gone up to the castle to speak +to the baron. + +I don't know why the sight of the poor traveling players was so +repulsive to me. One might almost believe in some prophetic gift of the +soul, for I had long been cured of my aversion to actors by Fraeulein +Luise's opinion of them. + +So I did not linger long, but briefly reported to my old pastor how I +had found his parishioner in the village--we were now one in heart and +soul, including the pastor's wife--and then walked rapidly to the +castle. As I turned from the elm avenue into the court-yard, I +instantly perceived that something unusual was occurring. A groom was +leading up and down a saddled horse, which I recognized from the +silver-mounted bridle as Cousin Kasimir's. During the months that had +passed since the latter's rejection, he had only come to the castle +when he had some business matter to settle with the baron, and never +remained to dine or to spend the evening. Yet this surely could not be +the cause of the general excitement. Almost all the servants were +standing, whispering together, near the staircase, on whose upper step +the baron's valet and the cook--the two most zealous gatherers and +diffusers of everything that happened in the household--had stationed +themselves like two sentinels. They were so thoroughly absorbed in +their office of listening, that they did not even move as I passed. +True, this task was certainly made very easy for them. + +Voices were ringing through the spacious entrance-hall in tones so loud +and excited that every word could be distinctly heard outside of the +lofty doors. Within I saw the master of the house, his face deeply +flushed, and beside him Cousin Kasimir, with his hat on one side of his +head and in his hand a riding-whip with which he beat time to his +uncle's words; behind the glass door appeared the faces of the two +children and Mademoiselle Suzon, pressed closely against one another, +while opposite to the baron stood a handsome, finely formed man, the +cause and center of the whole scene, whom I had no difficulty in +recognizing as the manager of the company of actors. + +He was showily dressed in a blue coat with gilt buttons, black +trousers, red velvet vest, and light cravat. Yet, this somewhat +variegated attire was by no means unbecoming to him, since it made his +symmetrical and not over-corpulent figure more conspicuous. His head +was gracefully poised on his broad shoulders; but at first I only saw +the lustrous black locks that fell rather low on his neck, then, as he +turned his face, the finely cut profile and light-gray eyes, whose +expression was both honest and self-conscious. He held in his left hand +a pair of yellow gloves and a black hat, while he gesticulated eagerly +with his right, making a red stone in his large seal ring glitter. + +"Only one night, only this one night, Herr Baron," I heard him say in a +resonant, somewhat theatrical voice, which, however, had a certain +cadence that touched the heart. "If I must give up proving to you and +your honored family, by a recitation, that you are not dealing with an +ordinary strolling company, but with an artist by the grace of God--" + +"I forbid you to utter the name of God uselessly," the baron vehemently +interrupted. "The calling you pursue has nothing in common with God or +divine things. We know what spirit rules those who devote themselves to +your profession. And, in short, I shall not change what I have said." + +"I will not discuss the matter further, Herr Baron," replied the actor +with quiet dignity. "But consider, there is a sick woman in my company, +who has been made much worse by the journey here over the rough roads. +If she is permitted to rest this one night, we shall continue our way +to-morrow with lighter hearts. Therefore I most earnestly beseech--" + +"You have nothing to beseech; I have expressed my will," cried the +baron furiously, passing his hand through his beard, which with him was +always a sign of extreme anger. "I have told you that the control of +the police regulations in the district intrusted to my care is in my +hands, and that I could not reconcile it to my conscience if to-morrow, +on the Lord's day, a few paces from the house in which his word is +preached, one might meet a company of strolling players, whose +depravity is stamped upon their brows. You will therefore return to +your people at once, and see that they are ordered outside the limits +of the village within an hour." + +These words were accompanied with such an unequivocal gesture toward +the door that I believed the final decision had been uttered. But the +actor stood motionless, save that he turned his head toward the side +where the stairs led to the upper story, and, as my glance followed +his, I saw what had silenced him, though I did not instantly perceive +the true cause. In the dusk above us, on the central landing, stood the +tall, slender figure of the Canoness. + + + * * * * * + + +All eyes were involuntarily fixed upon her where she leaned, as though +turned to stone, against the railing. She had grown deadly pale; life +seemed to linger only in her eyes. + +"Fraeulein," I heard the stranger exclaim in a tone of the most joyful +surprise, "you appear before me like an angel of deliverance. Can you +refuse to say a word in my behalf? Consider that the point in question +is not so much my sorely insulted dignity as an artist, as a simple +duty of benevolence. Through a mistake, in taking what I supposed to be +a short cut, I came here. For two years I have had the privilege of +giving performances in the cities of Pomerania and the Mark, and, after +spending several weeks in L----, I intended to go to R----, where I +meant to practice my art during the last months of summer. I should +probably have reached the railway-station to-day, had not the lady who +plays the old woman's parts in my company been taken violently ill. And +now the Herr Baron, as you have heard, wants to turn us out of his +territory as though we were a band of gypsies. You, who know me, +Fraeulein, will not hesitate to be my security; you will explain to the +baron--" + +The nobleman did not let him finish. + +"Do you dare, sir!" he shrieked (his voice sounded like the creaking of +a weathercock in a storm), "do you presume to appeal to my own niece +for support? Do you wish to shake the foundations of the authority on +which the life of every Christian family is founded? Such unprecedented +insolence--" + +His voice suddenly failed, he tore open his coat to get more air, and +his hand groped around as though seeking some weapon to expel the +intruder by force. + +Just at that instant we heard from the staircase the firm voice of the +Canoness, only it sounded somewhat deeper than usual. + +"Consider what you are doing, uncle. It would ill beseem the honor of +this house to turn from its threshold a suppliant who asks of you +nothing save what Christian love and God's command alike enjoin upon +you as a duty. I know this gentleman. I know him to be an admirable +artist, and a man of unsullied honor. To refuse him admittance to your +house is your own affair, but to deny him permission to rest for a +night in the village below, especially when a human life is perhaps at +stake, is an act you can not justify before God or man." + +A deathlike silence followed these words. No sound was heard in the +spacious hall save the gasping breath of the baron, who was vainly +striving to speak. Then the actor's fine baritone, in which there now +seemed to me a slight tone of affectation, echoed on the stillness. + +"I thank you, most honored lady, thank you from my heart, for bestowing +your sympathy upon a misunderstood disciple of Thalia. True, I expected +nothing else from your noble soul. Will you now fill up the measure of +your goodness by explaining to your uncle--" + +A sharp cracking sound interrupted him. Cousin Kasimir, who during the +whole scene had been casting furious glances around him and only +waiting for a moment when he might interfere, struck his riding-whip +violently against the top of his high boot and advanced a step. + +"Silence!" he shouted, his mustache quivering with excitement. "You +have heard that you have nothing more to ask or expect here, and if you +carry your insolence so far as to throw upon a member of this family +the suspicion of standing in any relation whatever to the head of a +band of jugglers, the baron, whose patience amazes me, will have you +driven out of his grounds by the field-guard. Do you understand, sir? +And, now, without further ceremony--" + +He advanced another step toward him and, with a threatening gesture, +raised the hand that held the whip. But the actor did not cease playing +his _role_ of hero for an instant. + +"Who are you, sir?" he exclaimed, without yielding an inch, "that you +dare to assume a tone whose ill-breeding befits no cultured man. You +seem to be abandoned by all the Muses and Graces, and I pity you. It +can hardly surprise me that a country nobleman has never heard the name +of Konstantin Spielberg. But in any other place I would call you to +account for speaking of my company of artists, which has been honored +by the concession of a distinguished government, as a band of jugglers. +In this house, and out of respect for the ladies present, I can only +say that I include you among the profane _vulgus_ whose opinion I +despise." + +He raised his right arm with an impressive gesture, as though hurling +an anathema against some worthless heretic or insulter of majesty, and +at the same time, with expanded chest and locks tossed back, fearlessly +confronted his foe. Then something happened which drew from me a low +exclamation of terror. The riding-whip whizzed through the air and +struck the uplifted hand of the artist, who staggered back, speechless +with pain and rage. + +"Scoundrel!" cried the nobleman's sharp voice, "dare--dare you tell me +to my face--" + +But he could say no more. The Canoness, whose approach had been +unnoticed, suddenly stood between the furious men with her tall figure +drawn up to its full height. + +"Back!" she said imperiously to the young nobleman. It was only one +word, but uttered in a tone that must have pierced to the very marrow +of his bones, for I saw him turn as white as chalk, stammer a few +unmeaning words, and draw his head between his shoulders. But, without +vouchsafing him even a glance, she went up to the ill-treated stranger, +seized the hand hanging loosely down, on which a deep-red mark was +visible, and stooping, pressed a hasty kiss upon it. + +Then in a loud voice, trembling with secret emotion, she said: "Forgive +this poor creature, he does not know what he is doing. And now shake +off the dust of this house from your shoes. You will hear from me +again." + +Once more a deathlike stillness pervaded the hall. But it lasted only a +few minutes. Then we heard the actor say: "I shall be your debtor to my +dying day, most gracious lady." + +The next instant he turned toward the door, passed me with haughty, +echoing strides, and went out upon the steps. + + + * * * * * + + +Spite of my terrible excitement, I retained sufficient deliberation to +look keenly at him. For the first time I saw his full face, whose +remarkable regularity of feature and a certain dreamy luster in the eye +aroused my astonishment. Nevertheless, he did not attract me. I thought +I detected in his expression, instead of manly indignation, a trace of +satisfied vanity, Such as may be seen in an actor who has just made an +effective exit and, while the curtain is falling, tells himself that he +is an admirable fellow. I could not help thinking involuntarily how +different would be my feelings if such a girl had done _that_ for me, +how humbly, enraptured by such divine favor, my heart would shine from +my eyes. And he seemed to be merely reflecting how brilliantly he had +retired from the stage, not at all how he had left his fellow actor +upon it. + +I gazed anxiously at the heroine of this improvised drama. She was +standing motionless, her eyes fixed with a look full of earnestness and +dignity upon the door through which the man whom she had protected had +disappeared. Her face looked as though chiseled from marble, her hands +hung by her side, and ever and anon a slight tremor ran through her +frame. + +The master of the house also stood as if he were turned to stone. Not +until Cousin Kasimir went up and whispered something to him did any +semblance of life return. He drew a long breath, then, without moving +from the spot, said: "Go to your room, Luise, and wait there for what +more I have to say. Until then I leave you to your own conscience." + +He turned quickly away and walked, followed by Cousin Kasimir, +through the glass door, which he banged noisily behind him, into the +dining-room, whither the three watching faces had shrunk, startled, +from the panes. + +Luise still stood lost in thought, showing no sign that she had heard +the imperious words. But, just as I was about to approach her and +assert my modest claim of friendship, she seemed to suddenly awake, but +without taking any notice of me. I heard her say to herself: "It is +well! Now it is decided!" Then she quietly pressed her hand on her +heart as if she felt a pang there, nodded thoughtfully twice, and +walked slowly up the steps of the great staircase, while I looked after +her in gloomy helplessness. + + + * * * * * + + +As soon as I found myself again alone and recalled all the events I had +just witnessed, I felt, with a certain sense of shame for the pettiness +of my nature, that fierce jealousy was consuming every other emotion. +So she had known and honored this man in former days. She had even +placed him on so high a pedestal in her thoughts that the proud +woman--before whom, in my opinion, the best and noblest must bow and +hold themselves richly compensated by one kind look for every annoyance +they encountered--did not for an instant consider herself too good to +kiss his hand. + +And he had received this homage as if it were his due, and thanked her +with a cold, high-sounding speech. + +What was he that she should consider him so far above her. For, after +all, the insult offered him here was not so atrocious that it could +only be atoned by the humiliation of such an angel in woman's garb. Had +he not been already dear to her, she would probably have left him to +obtain satisfaction for himself. + +She had made his acquaintance during her visit to Berlin, that was +evident, on the stage, of course, and probably elsewhere also; or how +could he have greeted her as an acquaintance? Yet she had never +mentioned his name to me, as she had spoken of the worshiped songstress +Milder. What had passed between them? And what kind of afterpiece might +yet follow the scene of today? + +I could not help thinking constantly of his handsome yet unpleasant +face, and asking myself what attraction she could find in it. I felt a +most unchristian hatred rising in my heart toward this man, who had +certainly not done me the slightest harm--nay, with whose whole +deportment I could find no fault save the somewhat theatrical air +inseparable from his profession. Yet, had I possessed the power to make +the earth by some magic spell suddenly swallow up the whole innocent +"band of jugglers," like Korah and his company, I believe I should not +have hesitated a moment. + +Since this was impossible, I resolved to try to obtain some explanation +of this disaster which, as the principal person shut herself up from +me, I could only hope to do through Uncle Joachim. Unhappily I found +his cell closed--he had ridden across the country on some business +connected with the sale of a peat-digging. I wandered in the deepest +ill-humor through the park. At last it occurred to me that Mother +Lieschen, with whom the Canoness was in the habit of talking about so +many things, might be familiar with this accursed Berlin story, and I +turned into the path leading to her lonely hut. + +But just as I caught a glimpse of the straw roof I perceived that I was +too late. The old dame was just coming out of the door, and by her side +walked Fraeulein Luise herself, whom I had supposed imprisoned in her +tower-room. They were talking eagerly together, Mother Lieschen had +tied her kerchief over her head and seemed about to set out for a walk, +for she took from the bench the staff with which she supported her +steps, and held out her hand to the young lady. Then they parted, and, +while the old dame hobbled along the edge of the wood, which was the +shortest way to the village, Fraeulein Luise came directly toward me to +return to the castle. + +She did not see me until within the distance of twenty paces, then she +stopped a moment, but without the slightest change of expression. No +one, who did not know what had happened an hour before, could have +suspected it from her face. + +"Good-evening, Herr Johannes," she said in her calmest voice (she had +called me so for some time because the "Candidate" seemed too formal, +and she thought the name of Weissbrod ugly), "I am glad to see you. I +have a favor to ask." + +I bowed silently. My heart was too full not to pour forth all its +feelings if a single word overflowed, which I did not think seemly. + +"Our old pastor will preach again to-morrow," she continued, walking +quietly on by my side. "You might do me a real favor if, after the +close of the service, you would give a beautiful long organ concert in +your very best style, like the first one we heard from you. I have a +reason for making the request, which I can not tell you to-day. Will +you do me this service, dear Herr Johannes?" + +Dear Herr Johannes! It was the first time she ever gave me that title. +No matter how many unutterable things I had cherished in my heart +against her, such an address would have won me to render the hardest +service. + +"How can you doubt it!" I answered quickly. "I understand only too well +that you need the consoling power of music. Oh, Fraeulein Luise, when I +think how it affected me, a mere silent spectator, and how you must +feel--" + +"No," she interrupted, "it is not as you suppose, but no matter; it is +important to me for you to play both very well and very long. I will +thank you for it in advance--" she gave me her hand, but without pausing +in her walk--"and also for every other kindness you have showed me in +your earnest, faithful way. Promise that you will always remain the +same, and never, even in thought, agree with other people's silly +gossip about me." + +I silently pressed her hand. A hundred questions were on my tongue, but +I could not summon courage to ask even one. She, too, sank into a +silence as unbroken as though she had forgotten that she had a +companion. + +So, when we reached the elm avenue, we parted with a brief +good-evening. The Canoness turned toward the farm-buildings, and I went +to my room. + +Fraeulein Luise did not appear in the dining-room at tea-time. Cousin +Kasimir had ridden off long before, and a strange, oppressive +atmosphere of irritation brooded over the rest of the party. I had +already heard that the baron had had a long, violent conversation with +the Canoness in her own room, but, contrary to the custom of the house, +whose walls had a thousand ears, nothing was known of its purport. The +baron's eyes were blood-shot and the lid of the left one twitched +nervously. He had invited the steward to tea and talked to him with +forced gayety about agricultural affairs. The old baroness gazed into +her plate with an even more sorrowful and timid expression than usual, +the children frolicked with each other, Fraeulein Leopoldine endeavored +to put on an arrogant air, while Achatz chattered to her with boyish +impetuosity. Mademoiselle Suzon alone seemed to be in good humor, and +ate a large quantity of bread and butter, while making tireless efforts +to maintain a conversation with me, which I with equal persistency +continually dropped. + + + * * * * * + + +When I at last went up to my tower-chamber and saw Fraeulein Luise's +well-shaped, though not unusually small, shoes standing outside of her +room, I was obliged to put the strongest constraint upon myself to +avoid knocking at the door and begging the alms of a few soothing +words. It would have been very indecorous and worse--utterly useless. +So, with a sigh, I renounced the wish, and resolved to speak to her so +touchingly through my church-music on the morrow that the closed door +must at last open of its own accord. + +I had never passed so sleepless a night, and on the next morning felt +so wearied that I feared the keys of the organ would refuse to obey me. +But the old pastor's sermon strengthened me wonderfully, and his words +fell like, soothing oil upon the burning wounds in my heart. Now, I +thought, she is sitting beneath you with her old friend, the comfort of +God's word is coming to her also, and the balm of music must do what +more is needed to make her soul bright and joyous again. + +I began to play the best melodies I knew, and I believe that never in +my life have I had a higher and more sacred musical inspiration. So +completely did I forget myself in it, that I started in alarm when the +schoolmaster at last touched me lightly on the shoulder, and whispered +that I had been playing a full hour, and, exquisite as was the +performance, the dignitaries below were showing signs of impatience, +and the congregation wanted to go home. + +As if roused from some dream of Paradise, I broke off with a brief +passage and hurried down the stairs. My eyes searched the ranks of +church-goers thronging out of the edifice. I saw Mother Lieschen, but +she was standing quite alone in her dark corner, and I could nowhere +find the face I sought. + +Perhaps she had shunned the gloomy church and preferred to remain +outside in the graveyard, now fragrant with monthly roses and +mignonette, hearing my music through the half-open door. At any rate I +should see her at dinner. + +When we assembled in the dining-room and she was even later than usual, +I heard the baron say, turning to his wife: "She grows worse and worse +every day; this irregularity must be stopped--" and my heart beat so +violently that it seemed as though it would leap into my mouth. I asked +Uncle Joachim, under my breath, how the young lady was, and whether she +would not come to dinner. He shrugged his shoulders without moving a +muscle, yet I saw that even his appetite had deserted him. + +Just as the roast was served, and the baron was preparing to carve it, +one of the footmen handed him a note on a silver salver. It had just +been left by old Mother Lieschen. + +The knife and fork dropped from his hands, he hastily seized the +missive, glanced rapidly over it, and I saw him turn pale as he read. +Then with an effort he controlled himself and rose. + +"Harness the horses into the hunting-carriage," he shouted, "and saddle +the chestnut instantly! Ha! This was all that was lacking! This caps +the climax. But the lunatic shall learn with whom she has to deal! Dead +or alive--even if Satan himself, to whom she has sold her soul, tried +to protect her from me--she shall not drag the name she bears through +the mire; she shall--" + +He could say no more--it seemed as if some convulsion in the chest +choked his utterance, and, with a terrible groan, he sank back into his +chair. + +The children started up; Mademoiselle Suzon hastily dipped her +handkerchief into a glass of water to sprinkle the nobleman's brow; the +old baroness rose as fast as her feeble limbs would permit, and in +mortal terror approached her husband to feel his hands and head. The +servants hurried out to execute his orders. + +Just at this moment a voice was heard which never before had spoken in +loud tones in that hall. + +Uncle Joachim had risen, but remained standing at his place. His face +wore a sorrowful, yet bold and threatening expression. + +"Brother Achatz," he said, "I must beg you to moderate your words and +undertake nothing that will make the matter worse, and which you would +perhaps afterward repent. Do not forget that Luise is of age and +mistress of her own actions. I regret what she has done as much as you +do. But what has happened can not be altered." + +The baron started up as if he had been stung by a serpent, angrily +shaking off all the hands outstretched to help him. Wrath at the +interference of his brother, who had hitherto had only a seat and no +voice at this table, seemed to have suddenly restored all his haughty +strength. + +"You have the effrontery to still plead for her?" he shouted with +flashing eyes. "You even knew her intention, and not only concealed it +but helped her forget all modesty and honor and go out into the wide +world like a wanton?" + +"I forbid any imputations upon my honor, Achatz!" replied the other, +meeting his brother's wrathful glance with cold contempt. "I have not +seen Luise since yesterday noon. Just before dinner to-day I received a +farewell letter from her, in which she informs me that she can no +longer endure to live in this house, and will seek her happiness at her +own peril. The other reasons she adds in justification of her step +concern no one save myself." + +"Then she did not tell you that she has determined to follow a certain +Herr Spielberg, a strolling actor, and, if he will graciously consent, +to become his wife? The wife of an adventurer who pursues a godless +calling, and whom I ought to have had hunted out of the court-yard by +the dogs, instead of giving him any hearing at all!" + +"She told me that also, Brother Achatz, and it sincerely grieves me; +for, though I believe this gentleman to be a reputable artist, I doubt +whether she will ever become at home and happy in this sphere. But from +what we know of her she will carry out her purpose, and if you should +now institute a pursuit it will only cause a tremendous scandal and +gain nothing; the family honor will be far more sullied than if we keep +quiet and let the grass grow over the affair. That matters have gone so +far, Brother Achatz, some one else will have to answer for at the Day +of Judgment." + +The two men measured each other with a look of most unfraternal hatred. +The old baroness gazed up at her husband with a pleading quiver of her +withered lips, whose words were not audible to me. But he hastily shook +himself free, as she laid a hand on his arm, and advanced a step toward +his brother. + +"Do you mean to say," he asked, grinding his teeth, "that I am to blame +because this mangy sheep has strayed from our fold and is devoured by +the wolf? True, she has always rebelled against the strict rule of +obedience, against both human and divine law. But, if any one in this +house has helped to strengthen her in her obstinacy and arrogance, it +is you, you, and no one else. Can you deny it?" + +"I am not disposed to allow myself to be examined like a criminal," +replied Joachim with sarcastic coolness. "If I were malicious, I would +let you say the most senseless things in your helpless rage. But, as we +bear the same name and I pity your blindness, Brother Achatz, and +moreover we are not alone, so that I might tell you my whole opinion to +your face, I will simply warn you. If you use violence and drag the +matter before the courts, you may hear things far more damaging to the +honor of our family than the news that the Canoness Luise has followed +a strolling actor and made an unequal marriage by wedding him. I have +nothing more to say. May the meal do you all good!" + +He bowed to his sister-in-law, walked quietly to the antlers on which +he had hung his hat, and left the room. + +His last words had a magical effect upon the baron, who bowed his head +on his breast and stood for a time as if lost in thought. Not until the +servant entered and announced that the carriage was ready and the horse +saddled did he rouse himself, and, with an imperious gesture that +indicated they were no longer wanted, he walked without a glance at any +one, with slow, heavy steps, to his room. + +The roast meat, which meantime had grown cold, was left untouched on +the table. The mistress of the house, after remaining for a time lost +in sorrowful thought, followed her husband; the children, completely +puzzled, had withdrawn into a window-niche. When the Frenchwoman, with +a disagreeable smile intended to be amiable, addressed a remark to me +containing the words _horreur_ and _deplorable_, I made a very +uncourteous gesture, as though brushing off a buzzing hornet, and +hurried into the park after Uncle Joachim. + + + * * * * * + + +I found him where I sought him, but his surroundings looked very +different from usual on the cozy Sunday afternoons. + +Nothing was in order in the room, which had never seemed to me so +shabby and unhomelike; the fly-specks had not been washed from the +glass over the engravings, and the coffee-service was not on the table. +Diana was lying in the middle of the unmade bed, and only lifted her +head from her fore-paws to yawn at me. Her master, who usually dressed +himself very carefully for this coffee-hour, was pacing up and down +with folded arms, in his shirtsleeves, and slippers down at the heel, +smoking his short pipe as fiercely as if he meant, in defiance of the +sunshine streaming through the little window, to intrench himself +behind an impenetrable cloud. + +"Pardon me if I disturb you," I said, as he stopped and glared angrily +at me as though I were a total stranger; "but I can not bear to stay +alone with my own thoughts among people who either make scornful +comments on the misfortune in private or openly exult over it. And +altogether--I can't yet believe it. Tell me honestly, Herr Baron; do +_you_ believe it? Do _you_ understand it?" + +"Nonsense!" he growled. "Believe what? 'Long hair and short +wits'--that's all we need know to marvel at nothing one of _that_ sex +does, even if she were the best of them all. Have you come, too, to +fill my ears with lamentations? I have enough to do to swallow my own +bile." + +He began to puff out the smoke again, and resumed his walk as if he had +said enough to induce me to beat a discreet retreat. + +But I did not stir. + +"Oh, Herr Baron, don't send me away without any comfort, any +explanation. You know more about the matter than any other person; you +said you had known this--this Herr Spielberg. Do you really believe +that she has followed him, that--that she has not merely suggested the +horrible idea of becoming his wife as a threat, an alarm-shot, but will +seriously persist in it?" + +Again he stopped, then with grim earnestness said: "Do you not yet know +her well enough to be aware that she never jests about serious matters, +and that, when she has once made up her mind, a legion of angels or +fiends could not divert her from her purpose. I've seen it coming a +long time, not exactly this, for no sensible person could imagine such +a folly, but some dangerous escapade, merely to escape from this +oppressive, poisonous atmosphere into the free air, and, had it not +been for her aunt, the martyr, who must now endure to the end, she +would have gone away as soon as she became of age, at least to her +chapter, where, it is true, she would have found all sorts of hypocrisy +that did not suit her, but at any rate she could have planned her life +according to her own inclination. She only remained for the sake of her +aunt, and to be able to occasionally lay a bunch of flowers beside the +old baroness's plate. Now that scoundrel Kasimir has severed with his +riding-whip the tie that bound her here, as if it were a cobweb, she +has dropped everything as if she were called upon to answer for the +honor of the whole family, and questioned only the bewildered heart and +obstinate conscience which persuaded her that this folly was a noble +sacrifice. I could tear my hair out by the roots because I was not +present, and heard nothing about the matter until early this morning, +when Liborius told me that so and so had occurred yesterday, and that +he saw the young lady set off gayly on her walk at dawn this morning +but thought nothing of it. She appeared just the same as she usually +did when walking, and he would never have dreamed of her committing so +extraordinary an act. But _I_ should have noticed something and opposed +it with might and main. _Nom d'un nom!_"--this was the French oath he +used when excessively angry--"I believe, if I could not have conquered +her obstinacy, I would have gone with her and twisted the neck of the +man into whose arms she wanted to throw herself, ere I would have +allowed him to rob me of my darling and drag her into misery." + +He again smoked furiously. Diana sprang howling from the bed and ran up +to him, but was banished into a corner by a kick. + +"But how can you explain her taking refuge with this stranger, +confiding to him her person, her honor, her whole life, merely because +he was treated here in her presence as a vagabond? So proud as she +always was, so pure, and so well aware of what she ought and must do in +order not to blush for herself?" + +Uncle Joachim gave me a side-glance from his half-shut eyes. "Herr +Weissbrod," he said, "you are an honest fellow, and you revered my +niece as if she were a saint. I can tell you how all this agrees. As a +future pastor, you must know what is to be expected of women, the best +of whom are often the most perplexing. You see, three years ago, this +Spiegelberg, or Spielberg, as he now calls himself, had the insolence +to write her a letter, which she did not answer. But a girl like her +does not willingly remain in debt for anything. What she has done now +is the reply to that old letter." + +I stared at him with dilated eyes. + +"Yes," he continued, "what _is_ to be, _will_ be. I thought then the +matter was ended once for all, but the proof of the pudding is in the +eating! That devil of a fellow, with his dove-like eyes, was more +cunning than I. At that time he was living in Berlin, at the same hotel +where I had gone with Luise, a respectable second-rate house in +Mohrenstrasse, for our means did not allow us to go to the Hotel du +Nord or Meinhardt's. She noticed the black-haired gentleman who sat +opposite to us at the table, and talked so well, and he did not seem a +bad fellow to me either. I inquired who he was. An actor, I was told, +who played at the Royal Theatre. 'We must go there once, uncle,' she +said, 'as a matter of courtesy,' and I was weak enough not to say no. +What could I ever refuse her? Especially with her love for the stage. +So we saw him act, and he did not play his part badly; and, as the +women were crazy over him, he had a great success. I have forgotten the +play, I never had much fancy for the theatre; everything always seemed +to me bombastic and exaggerated, and the most touching passages moved +me less than when my Diana gets a thorn into her paw and whines. But he +seemed to please Luise greatly. So I was obliged to go with her three +or four times, when Herr Constantin Spielberg's name was on the bills. +Well, no great misfortune could have come from that. The worst of it +was that Luise caught fire from the flashing sparks he scattered around +him when he stood on the stage in his romantic costumes and assumed the +most melting tones of love. 'Luise,' I said, jestingly, 'you must not +forget that Herr Spielberg did not compose the works of Schiller or +Goethe, but simply acts them. Still, he did not need to declame; when +he was merely sitting at the hotel table, talking about the weather, +she listened as though he was expounding the gospel. And there was +something in his voice that might well turn a young girl's head--she +was twenty-one, but she had never been in love--and even when he was +not behind the footlights he could look as honest and innocent as a +pastor's son or you yourself, Sir Tutor. + +"Besides, everybody in the hotel liked him, and no one had anything to +say against him. It was reported that he supported an old blind mother, +etc. But, knowing Luise as I did, the longer this state of things +lasted the less I was pleased, and I gently began to speak of +departure, of course without making any allusion to my own private +reason. Well, to cut the story short, one morning my niece came +to me with a letter in her hand: 'Just think, uncle, what I have +received'--and gave it to me to read. We had no secrets from each +other. It was a declaration of love from our opposite neighbor in due +form--that is, in the Schiller and Goethe style, only not in verse, +closing with a simple honorable offer of marriage. _Nom d'un nom!_ This +was too much for me. I allowed her the choice whether I should give the +bold fellow a verbal answer, such as his insolence deserved, or we +should set off _stante pede_, without bidding him farewell. + +"After some consideration she decided in favor of the latter. But when +we were on our way she said, 'Uncle, I was too hasty. He will always +think me an arrogant fool. I ought to have answered him myself.' 'And +what would you have said?' 'That I felt honored by his proposal, but +was under the guardianship of my uncle, who would never consent to this +alliance.' 'The deuce!' I cried; 'that would have been almost the same +thing as a declaration of love.' 'What then?' she asked, quietly. 'Is +there anything degrading in loving a noble man, merely because he +belongs to a class against which people in our circle are unjustly +prejudiced?' 'Well, this beats the Old Nick!' I thought, but did not +say one word, for I knew that fire is only fanned by blowing upon it, +and thought, 'It will die away into ashes when it has no food.' Now you +see what a confoundedly clever prophet I was." + +During Uncle Joachim's story, I had sat in the chair Fraeulein Luise +usually occupied, and patiently endured everything like a person who is +crossing the fields in a pouring rain without an umbrella, and feels +that he is drenched to the skin and can be no worse off. Every spark of +hope had vanished; I knew that she would never turn back from the path +she had entered; and, even if it were possible, she would be too proud +to desire to do so. But man is so constituted that, though I foresaw +all the misery of the future, for I did not trust the handsome face of +the man to whom she had fled, and I knew by this step she had forfeited +her right to be received into her chapter in case of need, in short, +though I saw nothing in prospect for her save trouble and grief--the +bitterest thing of all to me was to find my own dreams and wishes, +which hitherto I had never acknowledged to myself, shattered at one +blow. The most frantic jealousy of the happy man, who had won the bride +forever unattainable to me, burned in my miserable soul, now suddenly +bankrupt; and, when it flashed upon my mind that I had even been her +accomplice by deferring the discovery of her flight as long as possible +through my organ-music, I felt so utterly wretched that I suddenly +burst into Boyish sobbing, in which offended vanity, wounded love, and +grief for the uncertain fate of the woman so dear to me, bore an equal +share. + +Just at that moment I felt Uncle Joachim's hand press heavily on my +shoulder. + +"Hold up your head and don't flinch, my friend," he said, in a voice +that was by no means firm. "We can't change the matter now, so we must +let it go. But we must always repeat to ourselves one thing: whatever +folly a woman like her may commit, she will not allow herself to +succumb to it. She may lose the right scent once, like Diana, but +she'll find it again--I feel no anxiety on that score. The only people +who will surfer and can get no amends are ourselves--or rather, I mean, +my own insignificant self. You are a young man, still have life before +you, and--which I can't say of myself--are a devout Christian. But an +old fellow like me, who is robbed of his only plaything--deuce take it! +It will be a dog's life!" + +He had put on his coat and now whistled to Diana. "Excuse me, Herr +Candidate, I have some business to attend to. Stay quietly here till +your eyes are dry. I'm disgusted with the old barrack, since we can +expect no more pound-cake here." + +He went out, carrying his gun upside down and followed by Diana, whose +ears drooped mournfully, as if she shared her master's mood. + + + + + II. + + +There is not much to be said of the period which now ensued. Outwardly +everything went on as usual. The void made by the flight of the +insubordinate member of the family seemed to be felt by no one except +myself and the silent Uncle Joachim; at least, her name was never +mentioned. True, pauses in the conversation at table were more +frequent, and were usually broken--not always with much taste--by a +remark from my little pupil. There had been no gayety before in this +strangely constituted circle, and I don't remember ever having heard a +really hearty laugh. But, since the event, the master of the house +seemed to desire to keep his family under still more rigid spiritual +control. The blessing invoked upon the food often extended into a short +homily, and on Sunday afternoons he held services of his own, by the +aid of some Lutheran tracts, from which he extracted so confused a +theology that I was often compelled to exercise great self-control in +order not to give the rein to my old love for debate. On such occasions +he indulged in rancorous allusions to stray sheep and lost souls, spite +of the presence of the servants, who nudged one another, and afterward +let their tongues wag freely in the servants' hall. + +I wished myself a hundred miles away, for it seemed to me as if the +veil, which hitherto had only allowed me to see the vague outlines of +persons and things in the household, was suddenly torn away, and I +experienced a sense of almost physical discomfort, which increased with +every passing week. + +The most puzzling thing was that, spite of the promise I had given my +worshiped idol at our last meeting, I had become suspicious even of +her. When I imagined her in the society of the strange actor, my hand +involuntarily clinched, and I was strongly inclined to pronounce the +whole female sex, which had seemed to me so supernatural and adorable +in this individual, nothing better than the body-guard of the enemy of +mankind. + +I was by no means reconciled to her, but on the contrary still more +deeply wounded, when, a fortnight after her disappearance, I received +the printed announcement of her marriage to Herr Konstantin Spielberg, +theatrical manager. I had still cherished a secret hope that she would +repent the false step into which her exaggerated sense of justice had +led her, and withdraw from the turbid, bottomless swamp she had +entered, pure as a swan that needs only to shake its wings to cast off +everything that could besmirch it. + +True, with my knowledge of her, I ought not to have been surprised that +she should take upon herself all the consequences of her hasty step, +yet it roused a feeling of such intense bitterness that it made me +fairly ill, and for twenty-four hours I would see no one, as if the +sight of any human face must awaken a sense of shame. + +I knew that she had written long letters to her aunt and Uncle Joachim, +letters in which she had probably attempted to justify her conduct. But +I did not venture to make any inquiries about them. More than once, +when I met her beloved uncle, my tongue was on the point of asking the +question what threat he had used to deter his brother from pursuing the +fugitive. I vaguely suspected that I should learn things in her favor. +But, as the old gentleman did not commence the subject, I was forced to +say to myself that, little friendship as he felt for his brother, he +probably considered it unseemly to afford a stranger a glimpse of the +circumstances that did no honor to the name they both bore. + +Not until long after did I obtain a clear understanding of the matter. + +Even from the poor, timid baroness, I could obtain no information, +though, since the loss of her affectionate young confidante, she +had shown me even greater kindness than before. Nay, since I had +offered to supply Fraeulein Luise's place at the evening games of +cards, I was regularly assured of her friendly feeling by a warm clasp +from her little wrinkled hand on my arrival and departure. Very soon +she bestowed upon me another office which her niece had formerly +filled--that of her High Almoner. I now perceived, with reverent +emotion, how from her invalid chair she was the guardian angel of all +the poor and wretched in the village; and the wan little face, with its +bony nose and low forehead, really gained a gleam of youthful grace +when I informed her of the recovery of some sick person, or the +gratitude of a poor woman to whom her help in some desperate strait had +restored the courage to live. + +Besides the quiet satisfaction I felt in my own modest share in these +deeds of charity, I had one great pleasure--my little pupil was +becoming more and more fond of me. Through all his ungovernableness he +had retained a dim consciousness of right and wrong, and when he +perceived the patient love I gave him he felt the obligation not to be +indebted to me, and therefore vented his instinctive rudenesses on +others. His progress in study continued to be extremely slow. But he +disarmed my displeasure by a frank confession of his faults and +laziness, and the entreaty that I would not attribute to ill-will what +was a part of his nature. + +I hoped to gradually obtain an influence over this perverse +disposition, but I was not allowed time to do so. With this fact there +was a strange story connected. + + + * * * * * + + +The day after the flight of the Canoness, as Fraeulein Leopoldine needed +a companion, Mademoiselle Suzon had moved into the vacant tower-room +below me. From this time, also, the Frenchwoman was present at the +history lessons, during which she made herself very troublesome by +asking foolish questions and coquettishly endeavoring to turn the +tiresome teaching into empty conversation. But I said nothing about it, +knowing that a complaint to the baron would have been futile. + +Neither did I trouble myself about the extraordinary marks of favor +with which the cunning creature began to annoy me. + +One of the least of these was, that I rarely returned home from a walk +without finding in my room a bouquet of flowers or a few choice fruits, +filched from the garden or the green-house. Even at table she did not +restrain herself in the least from making all sorts of advances to me, +praising my lessons, repeating admirable remarks of which I had no +recollection, and keeping up a fusillade of glances, which greatly +incensed me, because it seemed to show distinctly that we were on the +best possible terms with each other. In my innocence, I was mainly +disturbed lest it should place me in a false light before the eyes of +my employer and his wife. To Uncle Joachim I had made no secret of my +dislike. The baroness's confidence in my honor and virtue, however, +seemed immovable, and the baron appeared to be merely amused by this +shadow of flirtation between his awkward tutor and the family friend, +without seeing any cause for suspicion in it. + +The affair pursued its course in this way for several weeks. Sometimes, +from the open window beneath mine, I heard, instead of the dear +"Orpheus" melody, most unmusical sighs and incoherent French verses, +declaimed to moon and stars, but whose real object I knew only too +well. Then I shut my own casement with an intentionally loud slam, and +preferred to dispense with the delicious coolness of the autumn night +rather than seem to listen to the tender soliloquies of this detestable +hypocrite. + +She perceived that she made no progress in this way, and resolved to +risk a bold stroke. + +It had already happened several times--accidentally, as I, unsuspicious +novice, supposed--that, when going up to my room, I passed the +Fraeulein's door just at the moment she was putting her shoes outside. I +had then forced myself to exchange a few courteous words with her, but +escaped her efforts to carry on a more familiar conversation in the +dimly-lighted corridor as quickly as possible by a hasty "_Bonne nuit, +mademoiselle!_" + +How different would have been my demeanor if my former neighbor in the +tower, whose shoes and speech were both less ornate, had met me here +even once to say good-night! + +One evening my game with the old lady had been unusually prolonged. +Mademoiselle Suzon, after her victory at chess over the baron, and +obligatory courtesy to the baroness, had glided out of the room; the +master of the house, making no concealment of his impatience, paced up +and down the spacious apartment, frowning angrily; the servants +occasionally glanced sleepily through the glass doors, to see if it +were not bed-time. At last we finished, and I could take leave of my +employers. My old patroness pressed my hand with a friendly glance, the +baron nodded silently, but, as it seemed to me, with a sarcastic smile. +I took the candle from the servant who was waiting outside, and, in a +mood of dull ill-temper which was now almost always dominant, mounted +the stairs to my lofty lodging. + +I thought the delay would at least insure safety from my tormentor. But +as, walking on tip-toe, I reached the story where her room was +situated, the door gently opened, and an arm in a white night-dress +noiselessly placed the well-known pair of dainty shoes on the floor. + +I stopped, holding my breath and shading the candle with my hand. But, +as the door showed no sign of closing, I resolved to rush straight on +and pretend to be deaf and blind. + +But I had reckoned without my host. The door was suddenly thrown wide +open, and the French spook, in a most bewitching _negligee_ costume, +stood directly before me. + +"_Bonsoir, Monsieur le Candidat!_" I heard her whisper, and then +followed a long, half tender, half reproachful speech in her +Franco-German jargon, of which I only understood that she was angry +with me--yes, seriously offended, because I so openly shunned her. She +could bear it no longer, and desired at last to know what grudge I had +against her, why I treated her like an enemy. She knew, of course, that +she could bear no comparison with Fraeulein Luise, to whom I had been so +completely devoted. She was only a simple French girl, and had no other +_qualites_ than her good heart and her virtue. But, since I was such a +chivalrous young man, and treated everybody else so kindly and +politely, she must suppose that she had given me some special offense; +and, if this were the case, she would gladly apologize for her fault if +she could thereby put an end to the icy coldness with which I treated +her. + +As she spoke, the wretch gazed at me with such an humble, childlike +expression in her crafty black eyes, that I, poor simpleton, completely +lost countenance. + +I stammered a few French phrases--I should have found it more difficult +to lie in German--assured her of my profound _estime_, and that she had +made a deplorable _erreur_, and, with a low bow, was hurrying away, +when I felt the arm that carried the candle seized in a firm clasp. + +"I thank you for those noble words," said the smooth serpent, fixing +her glittering eyes so intently on my face that I could not help +lowering my own like a detected criminal. + +"If you knew, _Monsieur Jean_, how happy your _sympathie_, your cordial +warmth makes me! Ah, _mon ami_, I am not what I perhaps seem to you, a +superficial, selfish creature, who avails herself of her position in +this house to gain some advantage. If you knew how this dependence, +this forbearance humiliates me! My youth was so brilliant, so happy! If +any one had told me then that I should ever enter a foreign German +household--" + +And she now began to relate to me in French, with incredible fluency, +the romance of her life, not more than half of which could I +understand. But as, spite of my inexperience, I retained a sufficient +degree of calmness to believe that even this half contained far more +fiction than fact, I at last, relapsing into my former incivility, +showed evident signs of impatience, and was just in the act of gently +shaking off the hand that still held my arm, when her eyes filled with +tears as she talked of her worshiped mother, and that honorable man, +her father. + +"You are exciting yourself too much, mademoiselle," I said. "It is +late--you must go to rest--to-morrow, if you wish--" + +Meantime I glanced into her room, which looked very untidy. The bed was +already opened, and on the little night-table stood a candle which +illumined the picture of the Madonna on the wall and a small black +crucifix beneath it. + +"Oh, _mon ami_!" she sobbed, pressing my arm as if she needed +some support in her grief, "_si vous saviez! Mon c[oe]ur est si +sensible--tous les malheurs de ma vie_--" and then came a fresh torrent +of revelations of her most private affairs, till terror brought cold +drops of perspiration to my forehead and, in my helplessness, I could +finally think of no other expedient than to whisper: "Calm yourself, +Mademoiselle Suzon! Somebody is coming--if we should be found here--!" + +Her features suddenly changed their expression, she half closed her +eyes, as if fainting, and murmuring with a gesture of horror: "Mon +Dieu--je suis perdue!" tottered backward and would have fallen, had I +not sprung forward and caught her with my free arm. + +Instantly I felt her throw her arm over my shoulder, clinging to me as +if unconscious, and while we stood in this attitude and undoubtedly +formed a very striking group, which I myself lighted effectively with +the candle I held aloft, hasty footsteps, which I had only pretended to +hear, actually did come up the staircase, and at the end of the +corridor appeared the tall figure of one of the footmen, who served as +the baron's valet. + +I was wild with rage and shame at having allowed myself to be caught in +this suspicious position, and the thought darted like lightning through +my brain that the whole scene had been merely a prearranged farce, to +which in my good-natured simplicity I had fallen a victim! The fellow's +manner strengthened this belief, as he grinned at me with insolent +cunning. Besides, he had no reason to come here at this hour. + +Yet I retained sufficient composure to say quietly: "Mademoiselle has +been taken ill. Wake the housekeeper, Christoph, and see that she is +put to bed. I wish her a speedy recovery." + +With these words I unceremoniously laid her on the floor, and walked +off as calmly as if entirely indifferent to what was happening behind +my back. + +Yet every one will understand that I could not fall asleep very quickly +that night. Again and again I called myself an ass for having entered +this clumsy trap, and for the first time in my life learned that a good +conscience is not always a soft pillow. True, when I asked myself how a +trained man of the world would have acted in this situation, I could +find no reply. But my contempt for the female sex increased that night +to such a degree, and gained so large an access of dread and horror, +that for the first time I envied the anchorites who, to escape from the +sight of these fiends, retreated to some wilderness, where if any +appeared to them and might perchance lure to sin, though they did not +come straight from Hades, at least the hermits could not be surprised +by inquisitive lackeys. + + + * * * * * + + +The next morning, just after I had risen with so disagreeable a tang on +my tongue from the scene of the previous night that I could not make up +my mind to touch any breakfast, I suddenly heard a heavy step in the +corridor outside, which I recognized with terror as the baron's. + +I did not doubt for an instant that the hour of judgment had struck, +and the whole affair had been planned to obtain a sufficient excuse for +my dismissal--I was perfectly aware how little I had concealed my +feelings toward the outlawed member of the family, the lost soul of +this household. After the first shock of surprise, I really felt glad +that the climax had been reached without any volition of mine, and +armed myself with all the pride and defiance of a pure conscience. + +What was my amazement when my employer, after knocking courteously, +entered my room with his most cordial smile, which I had not seen for a +long time, and sat down on my hard sofa with the utmost affability. + +He began by requesting me to give my pupil a holiday, as the family +intended to drive to a neighboring estate. Then he launched into +praises of the good influences I had exerted over Achatz, and expressed +the hope that I might still long devote myself to his education, even +if the other duties of my office claimed my attention--for the old +pastor could not remain longer; his sermons showed that he was falling +more and more into the childishness of old age. He had determined to +pension him very shortly, even if it were against his wish, and give +the office to me, though I could not move into the parsonage till after +Christmas, as a suitable residence must first be found for the old +couple. + +I was so surprised by this offer--after having prepared myself for the +most furious rage--that I could only thank my kind patron with a few +clumsy words. + +"Oh, my dear Weissbrod," he replied, gazing out of the window with his +handsome bright eyes, like an aristocrat who is accustomed to dispense +favors, "you need not give me any special thanks. I know what I possess +in you, and hope that we shall understand each other better in future. +Of course, I should have wished you to treat me with more frankness, +but I understand and pardon your reticence. You thought me a rigid +judge of the conscience, from whom it would be best to conceal all +human weaknesses. You ought to have believed me a better Christian, one +who is mindful of the words relating to the forgiveness of his erring +brother: 'I say not unto thee, until seven times; but until seventy +times seven.' Besides, youth has no virtue, and a future pastor is not +to blame if he remembers the proverb: 'The pastor when settling for +life wants a wife.'" + +He smiled with patronizing significance, rose, went to my bookcase, +and, while gazing thoughtfully for the tenth time at the names of +Neander and Marheineke on the backs of the volumes, remarked with +apparent calmness: + +"When do you expect to be married?" + +I felt as if I had dropped from the clouds. + +"Herr Baron," I replied, "I am very grateful for your kindness, but I +have never had any idea of entering the estate of matrimony." + +The baron took out a book, turned the leaves, and then said, still in +the same tone of gracious familiarity: + +"That I can easily believe, my dear Weissbrod. Young people do not +always think of the consequences of their acts. But an honest man, and +especially a servant of the gospel, will not hesitate to recognize the +obligations he has undertaken. As I said, I do not reproach you for +having permitted the matter to go so far. But, after the scene of +yesterday evening, which could not remain secret, you will perceive +that it is your duty to protect the honor of the lady you have +compromised, and this can only be done by a speedy marriage." + +He shut the volume and restored it to its place. Then, turning quickly +and gazing at me with an inquisitorial expression, as if I were a +convicted criminal, he smoothed his beard with his white hands. + +But, thanks to the indignation which took possession of me at the +perception of this base farce, I maintained sufficient composure to +look him squarely in the face and answer coldly: + +"I do not know what has been told you, Herr Baron. But, for the sake of +truth, I must declare that it never entered my mind to carry on any +love affair beneath your roof, and that my conscience absolves me from +any obligation." + +I saw that he turned pale, and with difficulty repressed a violent +outburst of rage. At last he said: + +"How you are to justify yourself to your conscience is your own affair. +Mademoiselle has told me, with tears, that yesterday evening you took +advantage of a moment's physical weakness, by which she was attacked, +to embrace her, an act that did not occur without witnesses. I am +disposed to judge such an impulse of gallantry leniently, on account of +your youth and the attractiveness of the lady. But, as she is alone and +defenseless in the world, it is my duty to protect her reputation, and +I therefore give you the choice between proposing for her hand within +twenty-four hours or resigning your position in my house, and with it +all your prospects for the future. You must not make your decision in +your first embarrassment. When we return this evening from our drive, +there must either be a note from you in the young lady's room +containing your proposal, or in mine your request for a vacation, as +family affairs summon you as quickly as possible to Berlin. This +request--unless you should change your mind while away--you must follow +after a time with a petition for your final dismissal. You see that, +even though you have forfeited my esteem, I treat you with Christian +forbearance, but at the same time, as I am a foe to scandal and have +confidence in you, I trust you will avoid any cause of vexation. I will +now leave you to consider your own future, and wish you good-morning." + +He nodded with affable condescension and, without waiting for an +answer, left the room. + +I was scarcely alone ere the repressed indignation that had been +seething within me found vent in a convulsive laugh, and I felt tempted +to rush after my noble patron and loudly inform him, outside the door +of his clever accomplice, that I was not the dull simpleton they +believed me, but saw through their preconcerted man[oe]uver, and was +not at all disposed to let a bridle be thrown over my head. Fortunately +I remembered that I did not possess a particle of proof, and should +only make my cause worse by uncorroborated assertions. So I strove to +calm myself, showed my pupil, who came bounding joyously in to bid me +good-by, a cheerful face, and embraced him, a caress he received with +innocent surprise, not suspecting that I was taking leave of him +forever, and then watched from my window the departure of the family, +which took place with the usual ceremony. In the servants' presence the +baron always treated his wife with chivalrous courtesy, lifted her into +the carriage himself, saw that she had the pillows for her back and the +rug for her feeble knees, and always asked if she was comfortable, and +whether she would not prefer to have the carriage open. + +Mademoiselle Suzon helped him with kittenish suppleness. Spite of the +nocturnal attack of faintness, her usual smile rested on her lips, and +not a single upward glance at me intimated that above her lodged the +robber of her honor, the man on whom depended the weal or woe of her +future life. + + + * * * * * + + +As soon as the carriage had disappeared in the elm-avenue, I prepared +to pack my effects, except my books, which I could not take with me +without revealing my determination never to return. I do not know what +impulse of prudence induced me to enter into the cunning farce my +shrewd employer had marked out for me. Perhaps it was consideration for +the kind mistress of the house or for my little pupil. The others +certainly had not deserved to have me conceal the truth. After locking +my trunk, I sat down and wrote the note to the baron, which was +disagreeable enough for me. With great difficulty I resisted the +temptation to inform him, on another sheet, that his hypocritical words +had not blinded me in the least to the real motive of his conduct. But +I deemed it more dignified to leave him to his own conscience, and, if +the matter was as I firmly believed, he would be sufficiently punished. + +Several other farewells were before me--my worthy pastor, old Mother +Lieschen, with whom since the Canoness's departure I had chatted a +short time on many evenings, and finally my honored patron, Uncle +Joachim. I made the leave-taking with the first two as brief as +possible. I felt reluctant to use deception toward the good old pastor, +and yet I could not tell him the whole truth. But, spite of his eighty +years, his eyes were still keen enough to perceive the real state of +affairs, so that a shake of the hand was sufficient to make us +understand each other. + +Mother Lieschen was not in her hut. I could only leave a farewell +message, in which I wrapped a small gift of money. Uncle Joachim I +found in the fields, where he was overlooking the laborers in place of +the steward, who was ill. + +I thought it needless to maintain any secrecy toward him. He listened +quietly, and his sharp, expressive features showed no signs of +surprise. + +"I have seen it coming," he said at last, sending forth vehement puffs +of smoke from his short pipe. "The farce is excellent, though no longer +perfectly new; such things have frequently occurred before, though the +exit is usually different. Well, I'm not anxious about you, Sir Tutor, +and I shall at least have the advantage of no longer seeing that +intriguing woman's face opposite. Believe me, my dear friend, I, too, +would gladly take to my heels and try to earn my bit of daily bread +elsewhere, even if it should be as head-groom or steward on the estate +of one of my former equals and boon companions. But there is my +sister-in-law, poor thing. Who knows what her pious husband might +do, if the last person in whose presence he is obliged to control +himself should go away? You know the proverb about us natives of the +Mark--that, though we never burned a heretic, we never produced a +saint. Well, if there were a Protestant Pope, he should canonize that +poor martyr for me on the spot." + +Then, after we had shaken hands, he called me back again. + +"You must do me the favor to keep this whole abominable story a secret, +Sir Tutor," he said. "I could not blame you if you blazoned it abroad, +for, after all, you are the one who is injured, and, if we can get no +other satisfaction, to rage and call things by their right names +relieves the bile. Still, remember that the honorable man who has thus +injured you bears the same name as our Luise, to say nothing of myself. +True, the girl has made haste to lay it aside. If you should ever meet +her in the outside world, give her a tender greeting from Uncle +Joachim, and tell her to bestow a sheet of letter-paper on him. Well, +may God be with you, my dear friend! Heads up always, then we see the +sun, moon, and stars, and not the wretched worms that crawl on this +foul earth." + +As he uttered these words, he clasped me affectionately in his arms, +and kissed me on both cheeks. Then, turning abruptly away, he went back +to his work. + +In the afternoon I sat in the self-same butcher's cart in which I had +made the journey to the castle. Krischan maintained a diplomatic +silence, though I could not doubt that, like the other servants, he was +perfectly aware of the nocturnal incident and its unpleasant +consequences. Yet I perceived that the popular voice was not against +me, for several times on the way I was obliged to refuse a drink from +the worthy fellow's bottle. In the village, too, many tokens of a +friendly and respectful disposition fell to my lot. + +Yet, though this time the bays did not have the heavy box of books to +drag through the sand, and my conscience was no weightier burden than +it had been six months before, the drive, spite of the bright October +weather, was a dismal one, and my heart was far from singing hymns as +it had longed to do on the former occasion. + +I could not help constantly reflecting that a few weeks before the one +woman who attracted all my thoughts had passed over this very road to a +future which I could paint only in the blackest hues. + + + * * * * * + + +I can not shake off the fear that in the preceding pages, which +concerned my insignificant self, I may have been too verbose. Should +this really be the case, I may confidently assert that the error is not +due to the garrulity, or even the self-love, of a lonely man, but the +desire of a conscientious biographer to omit nothing that could throw +more light upon the acts of his heroine. + +During the time immediately following her marriage, she disappeared +entirely from the horizon of my own pitiful existence. I will therefore +make my account of the succeeding years until she reappears as brief as +possible. + +My good old aunt in Berlin received me with her former love and +kindness, though somewhat surprised that she must once more shelter in +her little back-room the clerical nephew whom she had expected to +speedily see shining as a brilliant light of the church in the +glittering candlestick of a parish, while he now again seemed to be a +dim little flame with a big "thief" in it. + +True, she did not suspect the real state of the case concerning this +"thief"--the hapless love for a woman who had utterly vanished that was +secretly consuming me. I did not deny it to myself for a moment. I knew +too well that all the joyousness of youth was irretrievably lost to me; +and, as I perceived that the consolations of religion were powerless in +my condition, I fell away more and more from my theological vocation, +and during the first months gave myself up to a very God-forsaken, +brooding idleness. + +I carefully remained aloof from the circle of my former companions. I +felt that the experiences of the past six months had separated me from +them forever. Even in my outward man I had changed so much that two of +my former most intimate friends passed close by me in the street +without recognizing in the tall fellow with closely cropped hair, clad +in a light summer suit and a straw hat, the apostle of yore, with his +long locks parted in the middle, and clerical black coat. + +On receiving my definite request for a dismissal, the baron, closely as +he usually calculated, had sent me six months' extra pay as tutor, +which I did not return, though I could not help regarding the modest +sum as a sort of hush-money. Having been turned out of the house +without any fault of my own, I thought myself entitled to some +compensation. + +This money, which I was not compelled to use for my own support, since +my kind aunt feasted me as though I were the prodigal son, I devoted to +one exclusive purpose, for which probably no theological candidate +waiting for his parish ever used his savings--I went to the theater +every evening. + +True, my longing to hear the great Milder was not fulfilled. I do not +know whether she was dead or had merely retired from the stage. +But I heard other admirable singers, among whom Sophie Loewe and the +fair-haired Fassmann made the deepest impression upon me, and in the +drama I was just in time to admire the famous Seydelmann, and +afterward, perhaps wrongly, rave over Hendrichs, though I never saw the +latter enter without a feeling of aversion, which did not vanish until +he had acted for some time. He reminded me, both in personal appearance +and in many gestures, of another actor, whom I hated from my inmost +soul because I believed that he was to blame for the darkening of the +star of my life. + +But the world represented on the stage, the creations of the authors +themselves, captivated me far more than any individual artist--so +bewitched me, indeed, that I do not remember having opened a +theological work or even visited a church during the year and a half I +spent in the capital. The hypocrisy whose bitter fruits I had tasted +had disgusted me with the delicious wine pressed in the Lord's +vineyard, till, with a sort of defiant rebellion, I fled to the world +of illusion irradiated by the foot-lights. + +No one will marvel that, in this mood, I even essayed my own powers as +a dramatic author. Of course, it was no less a personage than Julian +the Apostate whom, during five acts, I made atone in iambics for having +desired to restore to honor the ancient Pagan gods. I still retained +enough of the theologian to place Venus lower than the mother of the +Saviour. Yet between the lines glimmered so skeptical a view of the +world that this _exercitium_ in ecclesiastical history certainly would +not have been reviewed _cum laude_ at my old college. + +I had just finished the shapeless _opus_, and was considering whether I +should offer it to a "rational artist," like Eduard Devrient, for his +opinion, when a sorrowful event suddenly stopped my dramatic career. + +My loving nurse and supporter fell ill, and at the end of a few days I +was obliged to accompany her to her last resting-place. As she had +lived upon a small annuity, her whole property consisted of old +furniture and a modest wardrobe. I myself had spent all my money except +a few thalers. Therefore, it was necessary to again obtain a firmer +foothold than the boards of the theatre, which could not be my world. + +A few private pupils whom I secured helped me out of my most pressing +need. Meanwhile, I industriously watched the papers for advertisements +for tutors, and almost every week sent to the addresses mentioned a +letter containing copies of my testimonials and references, including +the name of my first employer, but to my grief and anger I invariably +received a refusal. Knowing myself to be so well recommended, it was a +long time ere I could understand these persistent failures, till at +last, one sleepless night, when anxiety about my immediate future +sharpened my wits, I hit upon the most natural solution of the +enigma--my former employer, in reply to inquiries about me, of course +gave the most unfavorable information, thereby refuting his written +testimony, partly to prevent my relating in a new position the true +cause of my dismissal. + +Therefore, when a tutor--who must also be musical--was wanted for two +boys seven and eight years old on a country estate near the frontier of +Pomerania, I quickly formed my resolution, borrowed from an actor, +whose acquaintance I had made, the money to pay my traveling expenses, +and hastened to wait upon my future employer in person. + +I found the position to be everything I could desire. The owner of the +estate was a vigorous, thoroughly aristocratic, that is, noble-minded, +man of middle age, who was deeply interested in agriculture, and had +therefore left the education of his two sons exclusively to his +admirable wife, until they had outgrown her feminine care and teaching. +When I had explained my situation, and told him enough of the cause of +my short stay with the baron to enable the shrewd man to perceive my +innocence, without suspecting the whole truth, we soon agreed that I +should come on trial for a quarter. These three months became three +years, and, as neither found any reason to complain of the other, I +should probably have grown old and gray in this beautiful part of my +native land, had not the strange wandering star of my life suddenly +appeared again in the firmament and lured me into new paths. + +I had entered upon my office of tutor without any thought of ever +moving into the neighboring parsonage. This was partly because I had +become doubtful of my vocation as a preacher, and partly because I did +not grudge the excellent man who now filled the place the longest +possible life, which indeed he needed in order to leave his six young +daughters--who had early lost their mother--alone in this dreary world +without anxiety. + +The oldest, Marie, was just sixteen when I entered upon my duties in +the family of Herr von N----. Never have I known a more exemplary girl +than this pure and lovely young creature, who, spite of her extreme +youth, took the whole burden of the housekeeping and the education of +her younger sisters on her slender shoulders, without even seeming to +feel its weight. Her violet eyes and waving light-brown locks gave her +a claim to beauty, especially when she smiled and her teeth glittered +bewitchingly between her pouting lips. Had I not been afflicted with so +obstinate a heart, I should undoubtedly have lost it to this charming +child of God, and now be settled as a worthy pastor and father of a +family in some village in the Mark. But my thoughts, spite of my utter +hopelessness, clung so steadfastly to one image that for a long time I +went in and out of the worthy pastor's house, and ate many a piece of +cake Marie had baked, without seeing the merry little housekeeper in +any other light than as the well-educated daughter of a man to whom I +became more and more indebted for my own development. + +For, while a country pastor who enters his pulpit every Sunday for +twenty years usually lets his spiritual armor grow tolerably rusty with +the flight of time, this admirable man, in his quiet gable-room, had +taken the most eager interest in all the struggles which in those days +agitated the theological world, had entered deeply into the historical +investigations of the Tuebingen School, and instantly fanned to a bright +blaze the scientific interest which, during my rage for the theater in +Berlin, had become completely extinguished--a blaze, it is true, that +consumed to a sorry little heap the last scraps of orthodoxy with which +I had covered my nakedness. + +This is not the place to enter more fully into this spiritual question +now struggling in the pangs of its birth. Only I must say that I looked +up with actual reverence to this man who, from the depths of his warm, +thoroughly evangelical nature, drew the strength--spite of casting +aside the dogmatic traditions, whose foundations had been shaken in his +soul--to beneficently fulfill his duties as pastor and proclaim the +Word, without being faithless to its spirit. + +I was not granted this gift, rooted in the purest philanthropy, and +therefore capable of helping each individual to salvation in his own +way. I was exclusively occupied with my own redemption, and, as I had +entirely relinquished the idea of a parish, and for the present gave +myself no anxiety about any other profession, I spent these three +years, so far as my secret yearnings for my lost love permitted, very +happily, and daily passed several hours with my teacher and friend, who +treated me like a younger brother, and let me share without reserve +everything that occupied his mind. + +It was inevitable that I should be on the most familiar terms with his +children also. From the first I had placed myself on a footing of merry +banter, and asked the little girls to call me Uncle Hans. Marie +persisted in addressing me as Herr Johannes. Yet an innocent +familiarity, like that of blood relations, existed between us, and +seemed to continue undisturbed when the child had matured into a +maiden, and the eyes of the girl of nineteen gazed into the world with +a dreamy earnestness that would have given a person better versed than +I in reading the human heart much food for thought. + +I noticed that she had lost some of her former vivacity, but was so +unsuspicious that I jested with her about it, and drew no inference +from her silence and blushes. True, the idea occurred to me that the +young bird was fledged and longed to quit the overcrowded nest. But, as +I knew with whom she associated, and that none of my employer's guests, +who sometimes visited her father, had made the slightest impression +upon her, I ascribed her changed demeanor to some anxiety of +conscience--she often rummaged among her father's books--rather than +any affair of the heart. + +That I myself might be the cause never entered my dreams. All vanity +had been shorn away with my beautiful fair locks, for with cropped hair +I seemed to myself anything but attractive, and, since I had been +obliged to atone for the bold hope of making an impression on the heart +of the sole object of my adoration, by the keen disappointment of her +marriage, I did not consider myself created to be dangerous to any +woman. + +So, one morning, when I had vainly sought my pastor in his study to +return him a volume by David Friedrich Strauss, and on entering the +little garden saw Marie sitting on a bench, holding in her lap a dish +of green beans which she was preparing for the kitchen, I greeted her +with a jest, though I noticed her tearful eyes, and asked if I could +sit beside her a moment. + +She nodded silently, and moved to make room for me. I commenced an +indifferent conversation, but secretly resolved to question her, like a +true uncle, about the cause of her melancholy. Her only friend, the +daughter of a neighboring pastor, had just become engaged to a young +agriculturist. I began with that, and asked if there was genuine love +on the part of the girl, to whom I also had become attached. Marie, +without looking up from her work, replied that this was a matter of +course. How could people stand before the altar, and form the sacred +tie, if there was no real love? Why, I answered, many a girl hopes that +love will come after marriage, and only weds for the sake of having a +home of her own, a husband, and children. True, I did not believe Marie +capable of such conduct. She would never put this little hand--and as I +spoke I patted the delicate little fingers resting on the beans--into +that of a man whom she did not love with her whole heart. + +Again I felt a violent tremor run through her slender figure; she made +a visible effort to calm herself, but suddenly let the dish fall from +her lap, tears streamed from her eyes, and, stammering almost +inaudibly, "Excuse me, I don't feel well!" she rushed into the house as +if flying from Satan himself. + +I remained sitting on the bench as if a thunderbolt had struck me. It +was long ere I could calm myself sufficiently to pick up the dish and +carefully collect the scattered green pods. + +What would I have given to be able, with a clear conscience, to follow +the dear child, take her little cold hands in mine, and utter words +which would have had the power to dry her tears. + +But, deeply as my heart glowed with tender sympathy for this youthful +sorrow, I did not doubt an instant that I should be doing her a far +heavier wrong if I tried to console her without the "real love" than if +I left her uncomforted. + +At last, after vainly waiting in the hope that she would come back and +turn the affair into a jest, I rose in great perplexity and went +thoughtfully back to my employer's house, here also called the +"castle," though it had no feudal aspect. + +As soon as I was alone in my little room--my pupils were waiting for +their lessons in the school-room--I went to the mirror and carefully +scrutinized my face. Even now I could find in it nothing that seemed +calculated to disturb the peace of a young girl's heart. The +conversations with the dear child, which I could remember also +contained nothing captivating, and, as I had again and again said that +I should probably remain a bachelor all my life, I could not help +acquitting myself of all blame in the sweet girl's unfortunate passion. + +Yet the sudden discovery so agitated me that I felt unable to give my +Latin lesson. I dictated a written exercise to the lads, and, while +they were at work upon it, sat down by the window with the last +newspaper, which had just been brought in, not to read, but to have +some pretext for pursuing my idle and fruitless thoughts. + +But, as my eyes wandered absently over the columns of the paper, they +were abruptly arrested by a name which glared in large letters amid the +small type of the advertisement. + +_Konstantin Spielberg_. + +How long a time had passed since I had either heard or read that name! +In Berlin, where ever and anon--always blushing as if I were betraying +my secret--I had inquired about this object of my silent hate, no one +seemed to know whether he was alive or dead. He appeared to have won no +special repute as an artist, and, since his withdrawal to the +provinces, his former colleagues, several of whom I knew, had heard +nothing about him. As such wandering stars only diffuse their light in +their immediate vicinity, the small local sheets that came to us made +as little mention of him as the large journals of the capital. + +Now, in his erratic course, he had come so near us that I could not +avoid suddenly discerning him with the naked eye. + +There stood the notice. "Konstantin Spielberg, with his renowned +dramatic company, has arrived in St. ----," the nearest Pomeranian +capital to us, "and intends, during the next six weeks, to give +performances to which respected citizens, the nobility, and the +art-loving public are invited." + +At any other time this intelligence would undoubtedly have agitated me, +but without stimulating me to any decision. In the strange situation in +which I found myself since my last interview with my friend's daughter, +this shadow from former days seemed to me like a sign from Heaven. I +instantly resolved to repress all the emotions contending in my soul +and convince myself, with my own eyes, how this man's wife fared, and +whether she needed any assistance from the friend whose confidence she +had certainly sorely betrayed. + +I went at once to my employer and requested him to give me a week's +vacation. Both physically and mentally I was in a strangely upset +condition, which perhaps was only due to stagnation of the blood, and +would be relieved by a short pedestrian excursion. + +My request was granted without hesitation, and that very afternoon I +found myself, with a light knapsack on my back, but my heart doubly +burdened by two hopeless love-affairs, on the sunny highway that led to +the Pomeranian frontier. + + + * * * * * + + +I might have reached my destination that night. But, swiftly as I had +commenced my walk, after the first hour it became difficult for me to +put one foot before the other. I constantly repeated to myself: "How +will you find her? And how will she look when you suddenly take her by +surprise without having previously inquired whether your visit would be +agreeable or not? Quite probably she will shrink from you, as if you +were a ghost recalling a time she would prefer to have buried, and you +can be off home again. + +"What then? And what is to be done about the other, whom you really +never ought to see again, if you desire to be an honest man." + +Under the influence of such thoughts I stopped, at the end of a few +hours, at a respectable village tavern, the last in the territory of +the Mark, and spent the sultry night uncomfortably enough in the thick +feather-bed. The next morning I continued my snail's pace. Never in my +life had I felt more plainly, and with deeper shame, how pitiful a +thing is our much-lauded free-will. For in fact I was nothing more than +a puppet which a child pulls by a string, and it made the matter none +the better because the boy whose plaything I was had gay wings on his +shoulders and wrote his name Cupid. + +It was about ten o'clock when I reached the little city--a place as +ugly, dreary, and lifeless as any other Pomeranian town on an August +morning. But, as I walked over the rough pavement of the main street, +my heart throbbed as if I were entering some enchanted city, where in a +crystal castle I should find the princess in a giant's power, and, +after perilous adventures, secure her release. + +I first inquired at the hotel, fully expecting that I should find the +"renowned" traveling company had lodgings there. But, when I had thrown +my knapsack into one chair in the public-room of the "Black Eagle" and +myself into another, and the waiter had brought me half a bottle of +Moselle, I was better informed at once. + +The actors had spent only one night with them, and the very next day +hired the back of the commandant's house for a month. Until six years +ago a regiment of infantry had been stationed here, and the colonel had +occupied Count X----'s old house facing the Goose-Market. When the +regiment was ordered to another garrison, the house was not rented +again. Now the manager had hired the back building, formerly used for +the offices and adjutant's residence, at a very low price. The +performances were given at the Schuetzenhaus near the Stettin Gate. The +actors were splendid and drew large crowds. + +"Does the manager's wife play too?" I asked, and, as I spoke, my hand +trembled so violently that part of the wine was spilled from my glass. + +No. The manager's wife never appeared. It was said that she was a lady +of noble birth, who had run away with her present husband. But she was +a very beautiful lady, and nobody could tell any evil of her. Did not I +want something to eat? The _table-d'hote_, at which there was nobody +now except one commercial traveler, would not be ready for two hours. + +I rose after hastily swallowing a single glass, let the officious youth +brush my hat and clothes, and then requested him to direct me to the +actor's residence. Perceiving my interest in him, he brought me the +bill for that night's performance. The "Ancestress," a tragedy by +Grillparger, with spectral apparitions: first row, six good +groschens[3]; second row, five silver ones; pit, two good ones; +children, half price; commencement at six o'clock. I read the names, of +which I knew only the manager's: Jaromir--Manager Konstantin Spielberg. +An uncomfortable feeling of mingled cowardice and repugnance again +overpowered me. For a moment I actually hesitated whether I should not +strap on my knapsack again and walk straight out through the opposite +gate. But the puppet was fastened to its platform, and the naughty boy +pulled till his toy was obliged to roll where he wanted it to go. + +The Goose-Market was a rectangular piece of ground, in which grew dusty +acacia-trees. On one of the narrow sides stood the colonel's former +residence, a by no means ugly two-story building, in the style of the +reign of Old Fritz, with a flight of steps leading to the door, and a +stone escutcheon on the cornice above. But all the windows were closed +with shutters, and a cat lay asleep in the sentry-box beside the steps. + +My waiter led me to the side entrance, whose door was unlocked, and +through the wide gateway into the shady court-yard, in whose center a +large chestnut-tree spread its boughs in front of the windows of the +rear building. "Please go up the stairs at the back," he said. +"Somebody is always at home; but, if you want the manager, you'll find +him now at the rehearsal. A very diligent artist, as the president of +the district court says, and the rest of the company do well, too. But +our little city deserves it, for everybody here raves about art. Well, +you will see for yourself." + +He bowed affectedly and left me alone, which made me very happy. For +the accursed throbbing of the heart grew madder than ever, and I was +forced to lean against the trunk of the chestnut ere I was able to walk +through the court-yard. + +The lower story of the back building seemed to be wholly occupied by +stables and coach-houses. In the upper one, all the windows stood open, +and their freshly washed panes glittered all the more brightly from the +contrast to the thick dust on the doors and sills. At last I plucked up +courage and mounted the dark stairs. + +I came to a long, tolerably wide corridor, and wandered helplessly past +several closed doors. Behind one of them I heard the rattling of pans +and dishes; that must be the kitchen. I did not wish to summon a +servant, so I stole softly on. And now I paused before a door through +which I heard the sound of a woman's well-known voice--only a few +words, but I felt by the hot tide which coursed through my veins that +it had not lost its power over me during the four or five years of +separation. And now I summoned up my resolution like a hero and +knocked. Some one called "Come in," and I suddenly stood inside the +apartment, confronting my old, inevitable fate. + + + * * * * * + + +She was sitting at the open window, and the sunbeams, piercing the +foliage of the chestnut, flickered over her figure, leaving her head in +shadow. At the first glance I saw that she had grown even more +beautiful--a little stouter and more matronly, of course--but her face +was still more instinct with intellect, and her nose had actually +lengthened a trifle. She wore her hair in the same fashion as in her +girlhood, only she had fastened over the coil behind a black-silk +crocheted net, whose ends were knotted at her neck. No one would have +perceived either her lineage or her present dignity as wife of the +manager by her plain, dark-calico dress. But in her lap she held a +red-velvet royal mantle--very threadbare, it is true--trimmed with +gold-lace, in which she was mending a long rent, and a pile of knights' +costumes, satin bodices, and plumed caps lay in a clothes basket beside +her chair. + +"Good Heavens, Johannes!" I heard her suddenly exclaim. The royal +mantle slipped from her hand, and she rose to her full-height, fixing +her large brown eyes on me exactly as I had feared--as if a ghost had +rudely startled her from her quiet thoughts. + +A little boy, about four years old, who had been playing with a Noah's +ark on a piece of carpet at her feet, sprang up at the same time, +seized her hand, and was now staring at me with mingled shyness and +curiosity. + +At first I could say nothing. I was gazing steadily at the little fair +head--her child, and her very image. + +She seemed to notice it, and, as if to disguise her first feeling of +embarrassment, she bent over the little fellow, saying, "Go and shake +hands prettily with the gentleman, Joachimchen. He is a dear uncle, and +it is very kind in him to have sought out your mother again." + +But the child clung timidly to her arm, and would not approach me. + +"Yes, it is I, Frau Luise," I stammered at last, in some confusion. "I +wanted, as my way brought me near you--. But you are looking so +well, Frau Luise. How do you do? You are happy, I see--and the dear +child--does Uncle Joachim know that he bears his name? He would surely +be pleased." + +"Won't you sit down, Herr Johannes?" she replied. "The sofa over yonder +is very uncomfortable. Bring a chair, and let us sit near the window. +And now tell me whence you have come and what has brought you to us." + +I did as she requested, while she resumed her interrupted work and +listened intently. The child had pushed his toys aside, and, when I +held out my hand, shyly laid his soft little fingers in it. But I soon +drew him close to my side, and, ere ten minutes had passed, he was +sitting on my knee, patiently letting me stroke his hair while I +described my life. + +True, I dared not make even the most distant allusion, to the one +thought around which everything else had turned in the course of the +years, and which had now brought me here. But women are sensitive, and +have the gift of reading in our eyes and catching from broken tones the +very thing we are most anxious to conceal. + +She, however, did not do this. + +"I am heartily glad to see you again at last, dear Herr Johannes," she +replied, when I had paused. "I have always valued your friendship, and +was very sorry that you had perhaps formed a false opinion of me when I +disappeared so suddenly. If you stay with us a few days, you will see +that I could not have done otherwise. My husband, too, will be glad to +make your acquaintance. I have told him about you. True, you will not +be able to judge correctly of his talent as an artist. His surroundings +are not worthy of him, and he can not appear in his best parts in these +little towns. But you will learn to value him as a man." + +I made no reply. I could not tell her that I greatly doubted the +latter, and did not even desire it. My aversion to her husband was as +much a part of my reverence for her as the thorn is a portion of the +rose. + +"Put the boy down again," she said. "You will tire the gentleman, +Joachimchen." + +The little fellow had begun to pull my whiskers with his slender +fingers, which gave me great pleasure. + +"Let him stay, Frau Luise," I said. "Shall I tell you a story, little +Joachim? Or, shall we play together?" + +"Play!" replied the dear child, and his earnest eyes sparkled. He slid +quickly from my lap and again knelt on the carpet where the little +menagerie lay, heaped in motley confusion. I sat down beside him and +began to arrange the animals in pairs on the floor, asking my little +playmate the name of each. He scarcely missed one. + +"He is remarkably far advanced for his age," I said to his mother, who +sat at her work, looking down at us with a quiet smile. + +"He has associated entirely with grown persons," she replied. "I hope +it will not always be so. I shall try to obtain some companions for him +this winter. We shall then spend several months in the same place." + +Just at that moment the door opened and her husband entered. He paused +as he saw the strange group at the window, but, when I rose, and his +wife mentioned my name, came forward with outstretched hand, saying, in +the beautiful baritone voice he used in personating his heroes: + +"How do you do, Herr Candidate? We are old acquaintances, for you were +among the spectators at my disastrous appearance at the castle. It +certainly was not one of my brilliant parts, and the only hand that +moved to clap, wounded me. But, for the sake of the happy afterpiece, I +still remember the day with joy and gratitude. Do I not, dear wife?" + +He had taken his wife's hand and raised it to his lips. I could not +help owning that his chivalrous bearing suited him admirably. Though he +had just passed his fortieth year, his appearance was still youthful +and winning; there was not a gray hair in his locks _a la Hendricks_; +the expression of the pale, finely-chiseled features was a trifle +self-complacent and triumphant, but unmistakably kind. Even his +conspicuous dress--a short, black-velvet coat trimmed with braid, +yellow nankeen trousers, and a red-silk kerchief knotted loosely around +his throat--was becoming. One thing, however, I did not like: he nodded +to the child with sarcastic condescension, and, after a careless "How +are you, lad?" took no further notice of him. The boy, too, quietly +continued his play as if a total stranger had entered. + +The great artist instantly asked me familiarly if I felt inclined to +change the pulpit for the stage, since it was well known that an actor +can teach a pastor. Luise had told him that I was musical; as he meant +in time to add operettas to his list of attractions, he could make me a +sort of conductor, unless I should prefer to fit myself to be an actor. +I would find it pleasant with him; his wife could bear witness that he +did not make amends for the petticoat government he was under at home +by tyranny behind the scenes. + +His jesting tone did not seem to be exactly agreeable to his wife. At +least she did not enter into it, but gravely continued to mend the +crimson robe. But he was evidently in the best possible humor. While +pacing up and down the spacious room with the slow strides of a stage +hero, he cast a proud, well-satisfied glance into the mirror that hung +above the sofa every time he passed it, talked of the rehearsal from +which he had just come, and trivial annoyances which he had smoothed +according to his wishes. + +"You will make the acquaintance of the members of our company +immediately," he said, turning to me; "and I hope you will find them by +no means the worst sort of people. We must live and let live. My wise +wife, who in the shortest possible time has transformed herself into a +perfect mother to the company, has made the arrangement that we are all +to dine together at noon, not at the hotel where food is dear and bad, +but here under her wing. At first it was inconvenient to many of them. +But they soon perceived it to be an advantage in every way. They obtain +for a very small sum, which is deducted from their salaries in advance, +good and abundant food, support themselves honestly, and contract no +debts at the hotel. Besides, we have an opportunity of discussing at +table many points concerning the evening performance which did not +occur to us at the rehearsal." + +A square-built personage, with a white cap surrounding her flushed +face, entered and announced that dinner was ready. + +"Here, my honored friend, you see the artist who provides for our +physical support--Fraeulein Kunigunde--the mistress of the kitchen and +larder, who in her leisure hours renders us priceless services as +mistress of the wardrobe.--Fraeulein Kunigunde, I have the honor to +present to you Herr Dr. Johannes, a distant relative of my wife, who +would fain convince himself whether our car of Thespis merits the +renown it enjoys in all the region where Low German is spoken. I hope +you have some nice dish for us." + +The embarrassed creature courtesied silently and vanished, settling +her cap. She evidently supposed me to be some distinguished +stranger, before whom she would not willingly have appeared in her +working-clothes. The artist, after a parting look in the mirror, +passed his hand familiarly through my arm, saying: "You won't object +to my suppressing your title of Candidate and promoting you to that +of Doctor in presenting you to my colleagues. Among these frivolous +folk, theology plays the part of Knecht Ruprecht,[4] or must encounter +disrespectful badinage. Your surname, too, would give cause for +witticisms. So let us keep to the Christian one. Then it will be +thought that you consider it a duty to your aristocratic relatives to +be known on the stage only as Johannes." + +I was about to protest against his taking possession of my person in +this arbitrary fashion, but he had already opened the door of the +adjoining room, and, as Frau Luise, who led the boy by the hand, cast a +glance at me as she passed, which seemed to indicate that I need not be +too rigorous, I entered without further scruple into the part thus +forced upon me, and from which I fancied I could escape at any moment. + + + * * * * * + + +The dining-room was a long apartment with three windows. Its walls were +perfectly bare, and the old white-lace curtains made them seem still +more cold and unhomelike. A narrow table, whose uneven width betrayed +that it had been formed of several sets of boards, occupied the center; +its cloth was not fine, but exquisitely clean. About fourteen rude +wooden chairs were ranged around it, all as yet unoccupied, and the +number of guests, who stood chatting together in the window-niches, +seemed still incomplete. + +I was presented, as an old friend of the family and embryo student of +the dramatic art, first to a married couple, Herr and Frau Selmar, who +eyed me in unfriendly silence. These two oldest members of the company, +as I afterward learned, were in a chronic state of dissatisfaction with +everything and everybody except themselves. Probably there is no class +of persons among whom the type of character embodying cureless, +arrogant pride, may so frequently be found as amid the older dramatic +artists, whose profession compels them to attach value to their +personality, to long passionately for momentary triumphs, and to be on +their guard against any rivalry. Herr Selmar, who took the parts of the +stage fathers and blustering old men, considered himself still young +enough for the lover's roles in which the manager shone, and his faded +wife, who years before had bewitched all hearts by her personal charms +as much as by her acting, could not now feel satisfied to fill the +characters of old women and mothers. + +They had just been venting their irritation concerning some jealous +grievance to each other, and I admired the good-natured cheerfulness +with which the manager gradually soothed them. True, he was most ably +assisted in doing so by the droll quips interposed by a tall, thin man +of uncertain age, dressed in a greenish summer suit. The latter was +presented to me as Herr Laban, comedian of the company, and as, spite +of my uncomfortable mood, I could not help laughing heartily at his +quaint jests, a sort of friendly familiarity instantly arose between +us, and he took the seat next me at table. + +Frau Luise sat at the head, and on a high cushion in the chair at her +right was the little boy, who managed his knife and fork very prettily +from his miniature throne. Her husband occupied the seat at her left, +then came the Selmar couple, I sat next the child, and with tender +delight rendered him all sorts of little services. A few of the lesser +lights of the company joined us, and, just as the soup was served, a +dilatory pair appeared, in whom I recognized the young man and his +companion who had attracted my attention while sitting on the bench in +front of the village tavern. + +"Herr Daniel Kontzky--Fraeulein Victorine." + +With a silent bow to the manager's wife, they sat down opposite to me, +and seemed to recognize my face. At least, they exchanged a few +whispered words before beginning to eat, which they did with affected +haste and indifference, entering into no conversation with any of their +colleagues. They evidently desired to give the impression that they +considered themselves far superior to their present associates, and had +only strayed among them by chance. + +While the simple but very excellent food was handed around--Fraeulein +Kunigunde brought in the dishes, placed them at the ends of the table, +and left those who sat nearest to pass them farther--I had time enough +to study the two youngest and most interesting members of the company. +They had improved during the five years--at least, so far as their +personal appearance was concerned. The young man, now probably about +six and twenty, had a remarkably handsome face, whose swift play of +expression instantly betrayed the actor. I afterward learned he was the +child of a Hebrew father and a Polish mother. From the latter he +inherited the passionate fire of his eyes and the feminine delicacy of +his complexion, as well as his small hands and feet. He wore a light +summer suit of the latest fashion, and had a ruby ring on his little +finger. But, notwithstanding his soft tenor voice, his laugh was +sneering and disagreeable, and I noticed with surprise that he +sometimes cast a side glance at Frau Luise which expressed open +dislike, while her lip curled whenever their eyes chanced to meet. + +Fraeulein Victorine's face puzzled me still more. It revealed a two-fold +nature, at once aspiring and sordid. Nothing could be more charming +than her large, mournful gray eyes, under delicate black brows, and her +little nose seemed to have been stolen from some Greek statue. But the +mouth belied this refinement of nature. Spite of her youth, it was +flabby and prematurely withered, and, even when it remained firmly +closed, one expected nothing to issue from it save commonplace and +repulsive words. Her little figure was the daintiest, and at the same +time the most perfectly rounded that could be imagined, and she +understood how to set off its charms in the best light. + +At first I was myself deluded as I watched her melting Madonna gaze +wander so disconsolately over the company, and read in it a touching +legend of lost youth and premature contempt for the world. But, as soon +as she began to whisper with her neighbor, an expression of coldness +and insolence rested on her face that was intensely repulsive to me. + +I will mention here the other members of the Round Table: A graybeard +of fifty, vigorous and stoutly built, in the dress of a workman, who +was introduced to me as stage-manager, machinist, and Inspector +Gottlieb Schoenicke--a queer fellow, who told me the very next day that +he was a misunderstood genius, and, if he were only allowed to play +King Lear once, the world would perceive what serious injustice had +been done him for years; and his neighbor, a stout, plain, middle-aged +woman, who filled the office of a prompter, but was often pressed into +the service as an actress to play women of the people, Hannah in "Mary +Stuart," nay, if necessity required, even the mother of Emilia Galotti. + +All these worthy actors and actresses behaved during the meal like +mutes, and I thought I noticed that the presence of Frau Luise, whose +kindness they regarded as condescension, embarrassed them. The only +person whose manner displayed dignified ease was the manager himself, +who did not let the conversation drop, first discussing all sorts of +technical questions with the tall comedian, then turning to me and +asking minute questions about the present condition of theatrical +affairs in Berlin. I could not help secretly owning that he did not +lack culture and sound judgment; and a certain enthusiasm for great +models, whom he had studied on the stage, though it was expressed in a +somewhat sentimental manner, and rather too abundantly garnished with +classical quotations after the manner of actors, also did him honor. +Besides, he ate very little and very gracefully, and always offered his +wife the best pieces, which she declined with a blush. + +Frau Luise said little, devoted herself to the child, and thanked me +with a half smile for my services to him. + +When the delicious plums and early pears, that formed the dessert, had +been eaten, she rose from the table. A hasty "May the meal do you +good!" was uttered on all sides without shaking hands, and in two +minutes the whole company had dispersed. The manager, after again +kissing his wife's hand, beckoned me to accompany him. "I must first of +all take you into better company," he declaimed with his sonorous +laugh. "I drink my coffee every day at the club-house, where all the +rich dignitaries meet. You won't object to my taking your 'kinsman' +away from you, Luise?" + +She silently shook her head and dismissed me with an absent "Farewell." + +I should have infinitely preferred to stay with her and the little boy, +who had completely won my heart. But the actor had already passed his +hand through my arm, and now led me out. Nothing was more painful to me +than this familiar contact with a man whom I had cursed a thousand +times in my heart, and who was now treating me so kindly and frankly +that I could not even have stabbed him with Macbeth's imaginary dagger. + +We had scarcely reached the street, when he suddenly stopped, took off +his straw hat, and passed his large, well-shaped hand across his brow. + +"I am extremely glad that you have come, Herr Doctor," he said in a +subdued voice. "I don't grudge my wife a little agreeable refreshment, +such as a visit from an old friend affords. + + 'She is a woman, take her all in all! + We ne'er shall look upon her like again.' + +But we will not conceal it from each other, she is not exactly in her +sphere among us. Her eloping with me was a piece of magnanimous folly, +which she does not repent, it is true, she is too proud for that, +and--" here he straightened his shoulders and replaced his hat on his +flowing locks--"and too happy in her marriage with me. Nevertheless, +she is an aristocrat, and the best among us have a drop of gypsy blood +in our veins. If she could have resolved to act--with her appearance, +her superb voice--I am sure that she would now be completely absorbed +by her new profession, and it would have been a great gain to me. But +nothing would induce her to do this. Now she sits alone during the many +hours that I am occupied, for the boy is a little aristocrat, too, and +so quiet--I would rather have had a girl, you know. Girls can be used +in the business much younger, and there is no such need of educating +them. Well, as I said, it is only for her sake--she is really a pearl +of her sex, and never complains. But I should like to see her shining +in a suitable setting. Posterity weaves no garlands for the actor, and +his contemporaries only too often twine for him a crown of thorns. +That they wound her forehead, too, is painful to me. I am really a +kind-hearted fellow. It is not true that genius makes people wicked and +selfish. You will yet be convinced of it." + +I replied that I should not have much time to become acquainted with +all his good qualities, as I intended to continue my journey the +following day. + +In fact, all these disclosures made my heart so sore that I wished +myself a hundred miles away. + +He instantly took my arm again and led me on. "We will discuss that +subject further. I will not impose any restraint upon you, but, you +know, temptation is really violence, and I think you will be able to +endure our society for a few weeks at least. Come to the theatre +tonight. It is not our worst performance. True, when I think of the +difficulties with which a traveling company must contend, and how +differently I might fill the office of a priest of art, had not envy +and intrigues forced me away from the great theatres--" + +Here he launched forth into descriptions of his former triumphs, to +which I listened with only half an ear. + +I remained only half an hour in the club-room, to which he conducted me +mainly to show the distinction he enjoyed among these worthy citizens. +His game of dominoes, at which I was merely a spectator, wearied me, +and his drinking three small glasses of rum to one cup of coffee +completely destroyed my dawning good opinion of him. I pleaded a +headache, which would not allow me to endure the smoke-laden atmosphere +of the room, and, as he was entirely absorbed in a conversation with +several enthusiastic admirers, he dismissed me without opposition by +one of his royal gestures of the hand. + +I sauntered in a very miserable mood through the little city and out of +the gate. + + + * * * * * + + +The day was beautiful, the air had been cooled by a light shower while +we were drinking our coffee, and the neighborhood of the little town, +with its fields and meadows dotted with fruit-trees, was well worth +seeing. But my mind was closed against the perception of anything +pleasant. + +I could not help constantly saying to myself: "So she lives here, with +this man, among these people! And she has before her a long life, which +can never again tend upward to the heights, but always downward, slowly +paralyzing the mind and soul." + +For the unruffled cheerfulness of her manner at the table had not +deceived me an instant. True, the life she had led in her uncle's house +was by no means what she deserved. Yet, in those days, amid all the +oppression, all the repugnance to so much that was base, her eyes had +sparkled with joyous pride, and her head was held proudly erect on her +strong shoulders. Now it drooped slightly as though under an unseen +burden, and her large eyes often wandered to the floor as though +seeking something that was lost. + +My grief for her was so intense that it even crowded the old passionate +love into a corner of my heart, especially as I had taken a solemn vow +to see in her only the wife of another. Nay, I believe, if I had found +her perfectly happy, with head erect and laughing eyes, I would have +uprooted the weeds of envy and jealousy from my poor soul forever. + +True, Uncle Joachim had said: "Whatever folly a woman like her may +commit, she will not allow herself to succumb to it." He knew her well. +But how much secret misery a human being may have to endure, even +though he or she "bears the inevitable with dignity." + +Absorbed in these thoughts, I had walked a long distance, and was +already considering whether I should not let the "Ancestress" go, and +find some pretext for taking my departure that very evening, when I saw +Frau Luise herself, with her little boy, approaching me by the shady +path that led through a wood. The child was frisking merrily around his +mother, but she walked slowly with bowed head, and seemed to answer his +questions very absently. She had put on a small hat that had slipped +back from her head, and a blue sunshade rested carelessly on her left +shoulder. She came slowly forward without looking up, until the child +noticed me, and with a sudden exclamation ran to her and seized her +hand; then, with a friendly nod, she paused. + +At first we talked of indifferent matters, the weather, the pretty +location of the city, and the superior fertility of the soil to that of +her native region. This brought us to the persons we had both known +there, and about whom she had been kept informed by Uncle Joachim. I +learned that my former pupil had been placed in the cadet barracks, and +that his sister was betrothed to Cousin Kasimir. Mademoiselle Suzon had +quitted the castle a few weeks after my departure, to return no more. +She passed quickly over this point, but a contemptuous curl of her +lower lip betrayed that she had been informed of the whole affair. A +young English lady had now taken the Frenchwoman's place; she did not +know whether she could play chess, but she seemed to fill her +predecessor's position satisfactorily in every other respect. Sometimes +the new pastor--the old one had gently fallen asleep in death--came to +the castle in the evening and held devotional exercises for an hour. +Everything else remained unchanged. The veteran peacock had spread his +tail for the last time the previous winter, and she was keeping some of +his feathers as a relic. + +Then for a time we relapsed into silence. The dear child walked gravely +along between us, holding a hand of each. When we came out of the wood, +we saw a meadow thickly besprinkled with autumn flowers. "Run, +Joachimchen, and pick a beautiful bouquet for Uncle Johannes," said the +mother. + +The child obeyed, climbing merrily over the little slope by the road. + +"He is so bright," said Frau Luise, "he hears everything, and already +understands more than is well, or at least has his little confused +thoughts about all sorts of subjects. And I must tell you something +that is to remain a secret between ourselves. I have never so +thoroughly despised any one from the depths of my heart as Uncle +Achatz, and it was a punishment to me even to breathe the same air. +When I came to his house--only a few months after my mother's death--he +had the effrontery to persecute me with offers of love. He wished to +get a divorce and marry me. You can imagine that I longed to go out +into the wide world then; but pity for my aunt, who is a saint-like +sufferer, withheld me. During those sorrowful years I learned that man +has no other source of strength and peace than his conscience, his love +of truth, and the quiet communion with his God, who, it is true, +answers us not when we chatter to him overmuch, but when we listen in +the deepest silence. He commanded me to interfere when a good and +innocent person was shamefully insulted in my presence. 'The measure is +full!' cried a voice in my heart. 'You must no longer breathe the air +of this house, where all human dignity is trampled under foot.' So I +did what I could not help doing. I knew I was undertaking no easy task, +and those who charged me with frivolity never knew me. Now, with God's +assistance, I will perform it. And he has given me something that has +helped me through many a trying hour and will aid me year after year." + +Her eyes wandered to the child, who had already gathered a handful of +flowers, and with sparkling eyes was holding them up to show them to +his mother. + +"The dear little fellow!" I said. + +"Yes, if I did not have him! He has never caused me a single sorrow. He +constitutes my entire happiness." + +"Your _entire_ happiness, Frau Luise?" + +The question had scarcely escaped my lips ere I regretted it. What +right had I to tear the veil she had drawn over her fate? + +But she raised it herself. + +"No," she said, "you must not misunderstand me. The child is not the +sole blessing I possess, but he is really my only _entire_ happiness. +You do not yet know my husband thoroughly. He is a noble-hearted man, +and would do anything for my sake, so far as he could anticipate my +wishes. But his profession makes him see the world in a different +light, and think other objects desirable. That is usually the case +between married people, and must be accepted. Have you ever or anywhere +found entire happiness? We must strive to receive the patchwork with +our whole souls, then the gaps will be filled, and, as the words run in +Faust, 'the insufficient becomes an event.' Stay with us a few days. +You will then judge many things differently." + +I did not know what to answer, but a cry of terror from the boy +relieved me from my dilemma. We saw him suddenly spring aside, stumble +over a clod of earth, and fall, still holding the flowers tightly in +his little hand. I was at his side in an instant, lifted him, and saw +that an ugly fat toad, which had jumped clumsily into the ditch, had +frightened him. He was still trembling in every limb, but already +smiled again and held out the bouquet to me. + +"His nerves are so sensitive," said his mother, as she smoothed the +little bare head. "If he could only be more in the open air. But all my +time is so occupied that I can scarcely manage to spend an hour out of +doors with him every afternoon. And his father lives so entirely in his +art that he does not see it." + +She became absorbed in her thoughts, while I walked by her side, +carrying the boy in my arms. He soon climbed on my shoulders and +pretended I was his horse, till his shouts and laughter even called a +smile to his mother's grave face. + +Just before reaching the city, we again walked decorously side by side. +I took my leave outside the house. Should I see her at the theatre? No, +she always remained at home and her husband went with his colleagues to +the club-room, so she could not receive me, but hoped to see me early +in the morning, or at any rate at dinner. + +I dared not at once bid her farewell forever; nay, I no longer believed +I should have the courage to set out on my return the next morning. The +child had won my heart. + + + * * * * * + + +Of course I spent the evening at the theatre. The hall of the +Schuetzenhaus had been hastily fitted up, and for the first time I +admired Gottlieb Schoenicke's skill in placing shabby and faded scenery +and properties in the best light. My free ticket admitted me to the +most desirable place, which consisted of three rows of rush-bottomed +chairs, but I purposely took my seat on one of the back benches where +the humbler folk, the tradesmen, and resident farmers of the little +town, gave themselves up to the enjoyment of the play. The house was +packed; the large receipts would have warranted a better illumination. +But it was the rule not to light more than eight lamps in the +proscenium and one on every other pilaster, and I must confess that the +illusion was more perfect than in the broad glare of the gas in the +theatres of the capital. + +I do not intend to deliver a discourse on the drama, and shall avoid +adopting the style of the countless romances of theatrical life, +especially as--apart from the external differences caused by the +changed methods of travel--the lives of these strolling players have +remained essentially the same since the days of Wilhelm Meister. +Besides, they are perfectly familiar to the world in general and +possess little interest. Only, for truth's sake, I must observe that +the "renowned" Spielberg company did honor to their name. Spite of +inadequate accessories and acting, the wonderful drama created by a +classically poetic imagination, still under the influence of romance, +exerted a fascination which even the lachrymose specter of Madame +Selmar, and the hypochondriacal, sepulchral tones of her husband, who +played Count Idenko von Borotin, could not destroy. Spielberg was a +superb Jaromir, and I now understood that his fervent chest-voice might +irresistibly charm the heart of a girl of twenty. In the scenes with +Bertha particularly--whose character, as personated by Fraeulein +Victorine, had a touch of witchery--his tones possessed a pathos that +brought storms of applause from the audience which, however, on +appearing before the foot-lights, he acknowledged--as became so great +an artist--with merely a quiet bend of the head. + +During the performance his eye had discovered me in my dark corner, and +ere he left the stage he made a significant gesture as if to say, "I +expect to meet you again." But this was by no means agreeable to me. I +only hated him the more because he had extorted from me some degree of +admiration; besides, I longed to be alone in order to determine whether +to go or stay. + +So I let the audience quit the hall, that I might not be accosted, with +provincial courtesy, by any of the inhabitants who chanced to notice +that I was a stranger, and was the last of all to emerge into the open +air. + +It was a beautiful star-lit summer night, warm and still; the only +sound was the patter of the heavy dew trickling from the branches of +the trees in the Schuetzen Park. I paused outside, enjoying the same +sense of comfort we have while awake in bed between two dreams, in the +consciousness that we are still enjoying our bodily existence. Only the +day before yesterday I had been sitting on the bench in the parsonage +garden, beside the dear sensitive girl from whom the sudden outburst of +the flame of a hapless attachment had driven me, and to-day I was here +amid these totally unfamiliar surroundings, with the old fire once more +burning beneath the ashes, and must again save myself by flight if I +were not to perish utterly. + +I saw the actors, who meantime had changed their clothes and washed off +their rouge, emerging from a little back door, heard their loud +conversation, and once even the call for "Doctor Johannes." Then the +little group dispersed under the trees toward the city, and, after a +sufficiently long interval separated us, I too set out on my way home. + +Suddenly I heard a light footstep behind me, and a low, musical voice +said: "Are you in such a hurry, Herr Doctor, that you can't even look +round at a defenseless lady, far less offer her your arm and your +company?" + +At the same moment a hand was slipped through my arm, and by the +uncertain starlight I looked into Victorine's big, mournful eyes. + +"I was belated," she said, "and now I am glad to still find a +companion. Besides, I should like to become a little better acquainted +with you, for at dinner, when the manager's wife is present, my mouth +feels as though it were sewed up. Come, you needn't be afraid that +anything will be thought of it, if we are seen taking this nocturnal +promenade. We sha'n't meet even a cat, and you probably care no more +what Mrs. Grundy thinks of you than I do." + +Her light tone, so strangely belied by her melancholy eyes, was +extremely repulsive to me: So I answered very coldly and a trifle +maliciously: + +"I only wonder that Herr Daniel leaves the knightly service to +another." + +"He!" she replied, with a short laugh, which, spite of her beautiful +voice, sounded very unmusical. "In the first place, he did not play +to-night, and was not even at the hall. And then, though he usually +pays me some little attention, we have had a quarrel to-day. You are +mistaken if you fancy he is in love with me. It's only old custom that +makes us keep together. His heart, such as it is, belongs to a very +different person." + +"May I ask--?" + +"Why not? It is an open secret. He's infatuated with Frau Spielberg, +though she's such a cold fish that it always makes me shiver merely to +look at her. She behaves, too, as if he were not in existence, and when +he gets into a rage about it he pours out his whole heart to me, and it +does him good to have me laugh at him. That is our whole relation. +Perhaps I ought not to speak to you so frankly about it. You are her +relative, and of course revere her as though she were a saint. But I +can't help it; she is insufferable to me, with her Canoness airs and +woful face the instant the company begins to be a little merry, and one +or another goes a shade too far. She ought to have kept away from the +stage. But she felt her human nature once when she threw herself into +Spielberg's arms. Why does she put on her governess manner now?" + +As I made no reply--feeling disgusted by these blasphemies--she +chattered on, clinging still more closely to my arm. + +"You see, even you yourself can not defend her. She is a positive +injury to the manager. He used to be such a pleasant, courteous man, a +genuine artist. Now he, too, poses as a Philistine and tutor, all by +the orders of his aristocratic wife. She would prefer to have the whole +company live in the same house, like a great cloister, to be able to +continually watch over them. And most of them are cowardly or obliging +enough to submit to it. But Herr Daniel, Herr Laban, and my +insignificant self don't care for such an institution for small +children. We always lodge at the hotel, and so you have the honor of +being only three doors away from me; your room is No. 6, mine No. 2. I +hope we shall be good neighbors." + +I could not command my feelings sufficiently to enter into this light +tone, so I began to speak of something entirely different, and +praised--which I could do with a clear conscience--her acting that +evening. + +"Nonsense!" she interrupted, "you can't be in earnest; for, between +ourselves, I played abominably to-night, I was so vexed by the scene +with Daniel, whom I had been lecturing because he confessed his +jealousy of you. Besides, I hate such sentimental parts, which +unfortunately I have to play most frequently. Before I joined +Spielberg's company--I was still very young--I was very fond of acting +the merry little coquettes, the gayer they were the better, and best of +all were parts like those of Parisian grisettes. But the manager +thought my face exactly suited the heroines of tragedy, so now I am +continually obliged to moan and roll my beautiful eyes toward heaven, +as, for instance, to-morrow in 'Cabal and Love.' I have finally become +indifferent to it, and, after all, we learn to act best the characters +most unlike our own." + +I did not feel at all tempted to enter into a conversation upon the art +of acting and its higher demands with this girl. Meantime we had +reached our hotel, at whose open door the waiter received us with a +meaning face. I had evidently risen in his esteem, since I had the +honor of escorting the youthful leading lady home the very first +evening. + +On our way up-stairs she said: "I don't know whether I can venture to +invite you to drink a cup of tea with me. I should be obliged to send +you away in half an hour at any rate, for I must read over my part of +Luise Miller once more before I sleep." + +I excused myself, on the plea that I had a letter to write. She quietly +shrugged her shoulders. + +"As you please, Herr Doctor, or rather, as you must. I forgot that you +are a kinsman of Frau Spielberg. So good-night, and no offense! + + 'Thou'rt ill, ah, return, + Return to thy room!'" + +she declaimed from the role of Bertha, then dropped me a mocking +courtesy and glided into the door of No. 2. + + + * * * * * + + +I ordered supper to be brought to No. 6, not because I was hungry, but +to show the waiter that I had not availed myself of the favor of this +envied neighbor. Then I stood a long while at the open window, gazing +out into the narrow street and at the opposite houses, the homes of the +worthy citizens who led their quiet lives so contentedly, without +dreaming of tempests like those that raged in my heart and brain. + +One light after another disappeared, the footsteps of some belated +pedestrian echoed less and less frequently from the pavement below; at +last no sound arose save the hoarse voice of the night-watchman calling +the tenth hour. The house, too, which was so slightly built that its +walls told every secret, had become perfectly still. I was just +unpacking my knapsack to make my toilet for the night, when I heard in +the corridor a stealthy step which stopped a few doors away from mine, +then a low knock, and after a short time a suppressed voice said, +"Victorine. Open the door! I have something to tell you!" + +Of course, I could not hear the answer. The colloquy lasted some time, +the request for admittance being several times repeated, sometimes in +urgent, sometimes in coaxing tones, ere the closed door opened and was +noiselessly shut again. + +The study of the role of Luise Miller would scarcely be pursued in +company. + +This incident had the effect of sending me to bed, firmly determined to +turn my back as speedily as possible upon a world to which I did not +belong. I woke in the morning with the same resolution, and only +hesitated whether I should be expected to take a verbal farewell or +might depart with merely a written one. + +But, while I was sitting at breakfast pondering over this weighty +question, some one knocked at my door, and a personage of no less +importance than Konstantin Spielberg himself entered. + +Though he had sat up till late in the night with several of the town +dignitaries and some of his colleagues, and had drunk a great deal of +liquor, he looked so fresh, so full of strength and cheerfulness, that +again I could not help admiring him. He first kindly reproached me for +having so slyly deserted him the evening before. It had been my own +loss; he would have made me acquainted with some very intelligent +people; and his colleague Laban's witticisms had been like a perfect +shower of fireworks. But I should be forgiven if I would do him a great +favor. + +"A favor?" I asked. "If only I have time to grant it. I shall leave in +half an hour." + +That would be impossible in any case, he answered, arranging his locks +before the mirror. I must see him that night as the President; it was +one of his best parts, though he had resigned Ferdinand to Herr Daniel. +But, if I really had any friendly feeling for him, I must help him out +of a great difficulty. The prompter was to play Luise Miller's mother. +Gottlieb Schoenicke usually filled her place on such occasions, but +owing to his carouse the night before he had become so hoarse that he +could scarcely utter an audible word. So, if the performance was to +take place, I must consent to fill this part and accompany him to the +rehearsal at once. + +All reluctance and pleas of my unfitness for this responsible post were +futile. And as, in the depths of my heart, I had sought some pretext +for being _compelled_ to stay, at least for one more day--ere I took my +leave, never to return--I finally allowed myself to be dragged away, +and half an hour later was standing behind the scenes with the +prompter's book in my hand. + +Tall Herr Laban greeted me very cordially, and told me he yet hoped to +see me appear in different parts. It was a pity to waste my gifts: +figure, play of expression, voice, and taste for acting, all urged me +toward the stage, and the company was in great need of new talent for +the characters which he himself, now _invita Minerva_--he pronounced +the words with a faultless accent--was compelled to fill, though Nature +had originally intended him for a comedian. + +Victorine gave me a careless nod, and studiously held aloof. Her friend +treated me with marked hostility, and was the only person who +constantly found fault with my prompting, for which the manager quietly +reproved him. Most of the members of the company performed their parts +at the rehearsal indifferently enough. Frau Selmar, however, personated +her Milford with a clear voice and through every shade of meaning, and +Laban gave an extremely clever performance of his Hofmarschall Kalb. + +Gottlieb Schoenicke remained invisible. Whether he was sleeping off his +intoxication, or the story of his condition was merely a fiction to +induce me to act with them, I have never been able to determine. + +After the rehearsal the actors unceremoniously dispersed; the manager +had some arrangements to make in the dressing-room, and I was no little +surprised when allowed a glimpse of this holy of holies to find only a +single, tolerably large room, divided by a few screens and a sheet hung +over a rope, into two dressing-rooms, one for the men, the other for +the women. In the broad light of day all this disorderly collection of +mirrors, rouge-pots, and clothes-presses looked uncanny enough, and I +hastily beat a retreat. But, as I was passing through the empty +auditorium of the theatre, I saw with astonishment Frau Luise sitting +on one of the rear benches. + +"You here?" I exclaimed. "And absent yesterday evening? Do you attend +such unattractive rehearsals?" + +"I never go to the theatre during the evening performances," she +answered, rising. "I will not allow the suspicion that I do not +consider the acting of the company worth looking at, so I sometimes +come to the rehearsals, which also serves the purpose of enabling me to +call my husband's attention to many points when we are alone. True, it +is of little use," she added, with a resigned smile; "these second-rate +people, among whom we are placed, are the very ones that have an +exalted opinion of their own talent and knowledge of art. But I feel in +a certain sense responsible for the acting of my husband, who is a +genuine artist, and I know that my opinion is not a matter of +indifference to him. + +"Besides, dear friend," she added, after a pause, "you can not imagine +how lonely I am. So completely without society, except the company at +the dinner-table, I sometimes feel the necessity of sharing some sphere +of life, even though I might desire it to be a different one." + +Then she thanked me for having granted her husband's request, and we +left the theatre together. On our way, while she frequently glanced +back to see if her husband were not at last following us, I told her +that I had determined to continue my journey to-day, and now positively +intended to take my departure on the morrow. + +"You are right," she answered. "What should detain you here? You are +not fitted for these surroundings." + +Then, after a pause, she added: "Write to me if you change your +residence. I should always like to know where you are to be found, for +I have one earnest desire, which I have long secretly counted on you to +fulfill. When you have a parish, or a good wife, such as I desire for +you, I should be glad to put my son in your charge." + +"Do you intend to part with the child?" + +"Yes, dear friend," she replied, her brows contracting with an +expression of pain. "How I am to bear it I do not know. But my +resolution is fixed. He must grow up in a perfectly pure atmosphere. +While he is a child, I guard him myself. But how long will that be? +Even now it is almost impossible for me to reconcile all my duties. +When I go to the rehearsals I am compelled to trust him to Kunigunde, +who is an excellent person, but does not always take the right course +with him, and he shall not accompany me to the theatre. It would be +worse than if I were to give him brandy to drink, instead of milk." + +Then we grew silent. "Poor woman!" a voice in my heart continually +repeated; "you are indeed lonely." + +Meantime we had returned to the town, and then something happened, +whose memory even now makes my heart throb faster. + +When we entered the courtyard of the commandant's residence, my +companion's first glance sought the windows of her room. She suddenly +grasped my arm as if to save herself from falling, and I asked in alarm +if she were ill. But, as I looked up, a thrill of horror ran through my +frame also. For at the open window I saw the child, who had climbed out +on the sill, clinging with one little arm to the sash and stretching +out the other toward a drooping chestnut bough, whose ripening nuts had +probably roused his longing. As in his eagerness he held one little +foot suspended in the air, he seemed fairly hovering aloft with but the +feeblest support, and an icy chill crept down my back. + +Suddenly I heard the mother say in her gentlest voice: "Wouldn't it be +better for me to get you the beautiful chestnuts, Joachimchen? You +shall have a whole handful, if you are a good boy and climb down again +at once. Do what your mother tells you, my darling. I am coming up +directly. Then you shall show Uncle Johannes how to make a chain of +chestnuts." + +The smiling boy looked down at us, nodded to his mother, cautiously +drew first his foot and then his arm back from the giddy height, and +quickly disappeared inside the dark frame of the window. + +My own heart had fairly stopped beating. When I could breathe again, I +wanted to tell my companion how much I admired her for having had +courage to repress any cry of terror that might have startled the +little one and perhaps hurled him to destruction. But the words died on +my lips, for the next instant she had thrown her arms around my neck, +and, with her face hidden on my breast, burst into such convulsive sobs +that I was forced to exert all my strength, to support the tall, noble +figure in its helpless emotion. + +She did not regain her self-control until we heard steps in the +gateway, then, still clinging to my arm, she hurried into the rear +building and up the stairs. "Not a word about it to anybody!" she +whispered. At the top she stood still, panting for breath, and passed +her hand over her eyes. At last she rushed to her room, on whose +threshold the child met her, and clasped her sole happiness in her arms +with a cry of rapture in which all the pent-up excitement of the +mother's heart found utterance. + +When, soon after, her husband entered, nothing but her unwonted pallor +and a tremor, which still ever and anon ran through her limbs, could +have betrayed to him that anything unusual had occurred. He, however, +in his jovial self-satisfaction, was so exclusively absorbed in +himself--having just purchased a new neck-tie which he meant to wear at +dinner--that he noticed no change in her. And there was no one else at +the table who took any special heed of her, except a young girl of +fourteen--the daughter of the Selmar couple--who had been too ill to +appear at dinner the day before. She went to Frau Luise, pressed her +hand affectionately, and anxiously asked if she were well. "Oh! +perfectly well," replied the happy mother, smiling, as she kissed the +girl's cheek and inquired about her own doings. The dinner passed off +very much like the one of the previous day, except that the manager +regretted he could not drink my health in a glass of wine as a token of +gratitude for my admirable prompting. But the rigid law of the +household prohibited all spirituous drinks until the evening--and he +cast a glance of comic terror at his wife. + +I saw that she found it difficult to maintain her assumed cheerfulness, +and when we rose her knees trembled. So I suggested in a low tone that +she should lie down for a time and trust the boy to me for the +afternoon. She assented with a grateful glance and pressure of the +hand. + +When, at the end of a few hours, I brought the child--with whom I had +formed the closest friendship--back to his mother, I found her sitting +by the very window at which she had gazed with so much horror. She was +still quiet and pale, like a person just recovering from a dangerous +illness, but I had never seen her look more beautiful and charming, and +felt that the duty of self-defense required me to take leave of her +now. I could not come to her room after the play, so we shook hands +without uttering what was oppressing each heart; I kissed the child, +for the last time as I supposed, and, in a mood well worthy of +compassion, left these two beloved beings expecting never to see them +again. + + + * * * * * + + +When the evening performances ended, amid great applause--which most of +the company had honestly deserved, even Victorine, whose Madonna eyes +were obliged to make up for the deficiencies in her soul, while +Daniel's acting, in its fervent sensual vehemence, if it did not depict +the "German stripling," presented a very attractive young hothead--I +attempted to again slip out unnoticed, but was detected by the +manager's watchful eye, and, as tall Laban joined him, was helplessly +carried off between them and dragged to the club-room. Protest as I +might, Spielberg insisted upon treating me, and while doing so +presented me to his acquaintances in the little town with great +ceremony as a young dramatic student, whom he hoped to secure for his +own stage. Meantime, one bottle of doubtful red wine followed another, +and while I took a very moderate share I marveled at the celerity with +which the great actor emptied one glass after another at a single +draught, without the slightest flush appearing on his face. During all +this time his stories of various events in his theatrical career seemed +inexhaustible, and his frank delight in his own genius sparkled so +innocently in his eyes, that it was impossible to feel vexed with him +or avoid listening with a certain interest to his marvelous anecdotes, +as one would to the tales of the "Arabian Nights." + +At last the regular guests had all dispersed, even Laban had departed, +but the great actor still detained me and made a sign to the sleepy +waiter, upon which he instantly set a bottle of champagne upon the +table. "It's no-use, cousin," he said, in a sonorous bass voice, which, +it is true, now sounded a little husky; "we have a solemn act to +perform. I have vowed not to go to bed until I have drunk to a pledge +of fraternity with you in foaming sack. Come and pledge me! You are a +fine fellow, only you haven't yet found it out yourself. When you have +been in my company a few weeks, you will strip off the chrysalis and +wonder at yourself as your wings bear you from flower to flower. Even +if you often fly too near a light and scorch yourself a little, that is +better than your pastoral tepidity. Your health, my heart's brother! +Let us drink eternal friendship!" + +Spite of my intense reluctance, I could not avoid his cordial embrace. +Then he grew quieter, and, with apparent business-like gravity, began +to discuss the capacity in which I was to enter his company. He spoke +of new pieces its members were to study, the revision of older ones, +for which he himself lacked time, and finally of his plan for including +light operas in his repertory, for which he could not dispense with a +conductor. + +I listened without protesting, save by interjections and shrugs of the +shoulders. Meantime, he emptied the bottle almost alone and called for +a second, but I rose and resolutely declared I was going home. + +"A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" he cried, staggering to his feet. +"Virtue exists no more!" Then followed a torrent of classical +quotations in a voice that made the windows rattle. Yet his gait was so +unsteady that I hastily sprang forward to support him. When we were in +the dark street, he passed his arm around my shoulders and tottered +along the road like a blind man. "Say nothing to her about it, +brother," he stammered, "nothing about the champagne. She hates +champagne, though in other respects she's a good wife; it's pure +jealousy, ha! ha! She thinks my heart belongs to the Widow Clicquot--a +worthy dame, in truth, who never reads me a curtain-lecture, but +her purse must be filled with gold if we want to win her favor, ha! +ha!--and the father of a family, you know. Never get married, brother! +'Long hair, short wits,'" and he began to sing the champagne aria in +the midst of the death-like silence of the Goose-Market. + +When, with some difficulty, I at last succeeded in getting him up the +stairs to his lodgings, he became as still as a mouse, and trembled +from head to foot. "Don't tell her!" were the last words he whispered. +Then, forcing himself to stand erect, he gently opened the door. + +"Good-evening, my angel," he stammered, and was going up to her to +embrace her. She silently rose and looked at him with a sorrowful gaze, +which suddenly seemed to sober him. "Well, well," he said, "it's hardly +one o'clock--we don't act to-morrow--I've done a good business, too, +haven't I, cousin? He'll stay with us, sweetheart; I've engaged him as +dramatist and conductor, at a monthly salary of twelve thalers for the +present--that will please you, I think. But now good-night, cousin! I'm +perfectly sober, only I couldn't tell the town how one becomes +President. So I'm going to take a long sleep, for the torture of the +day was great." + +Amid all the confusion of his brain, he still retained sufficient +chivalrous courtesy to take his wife's hand and kiss it. Then he +staggered through the side door into the sleeping-room, and we could +hear him fall on the bed without undressing. + +I cast a hasty glance at his wife, who stood gazing into vacancy. + +"Good-night, Frau Luise," I said. "You will see me again to-morrow." + +"To-morrow?" + +"Certainly. To-morrow, and every day until you yourself send me away. +Perhaps I may yet make myself useful here--though not as conductor." + + + * * * * * + + +After that night I no longer led my own life. + +My existence seemed only valuable when I made myself a slave, soul and +body, in Frau Luise's service, coming to her aid wherever her own grand +and lofty strength failed. + +In reality I was making no sacrifice by this self-abnegation. For, +as I have already confessed, my own aims and purposes had vanished, +as a light on which a nocturnal traveler depends suddenly proves a +will-o'-the-wisp, and flickers into a marsh mist. I felt averse rather +than inclined to enter a pulpit, and I had not sufficient love or +talent for any art or science to induce me to devote my life to it. +Clearly, as though written on the wall by some spectral hand, the +sentence stood before me: "You are a mediocre man from whom the world +has nothing to hope in the way of happiness or enlightenment. Rejoice +if some good human being can warm his hands by your little flame." + +I also perceived the correctness of my opinion by the fact that this +discovery, instead of wounding me, created a sense of peace I had +hitherto lacked. Rarely have I awaked in a mood so joyous, feeling as +it were new-born, as on the morning after I had placed myself at the +service of this noble woman. And the difficulties in regard to my +former occupation which still embarrassed me were to be dispelled in +the simplest way. + +With my breakfast a letter was brought in, which had been forwarded +from the estate I had left, as I had said I should remain in this place +for several days. A former fellow-student, a very admirable and +intelligent man, wrote that some weakness of the throat compelled him +to give up his profession as a preacher. Until he could determine how +to shape his future life, he desired to seek a position as tutor in a +family, and begged me to aid him as far as possible. I instantly wrote +to my employer, informing him that I could not return to his house for +reasons which at present I could disclose to no one, but which he would +certainly approve if I could ever confide the whole truth to him. At +the same time I proposed in my place the college friend, for whose +character and education I could amply vouch. + +I took leave of him and his whole family, who had become so dear to me, +and requested him to send my property to me except the books, which I +would leave for the present in my successor's care. Then I wrote a few +cordial lines to my friend the pastor. As I added the farewell message +to his dear daughters, the sorrowful face of the eldest again appeared +before me in the most vivid hues, and her earnest eyes seemed to say: +"You do not know what happiness you are losing." + +But I was proof against any temptation to return. + +Early that very morning I hurried to Herr Spielberg's rooms. He +received me in a Turkish dressing-gown, with his brightest face, and, +when I inquired how he had slept, answered, laughing: "You probably +expected to find me a quiet fellow, cousin. But you must know that +champagne and I are on the best of terms. When we do fall out, however, +champagne always gets the worst of it; or to quote Julius Caesar: + + 'We were two lions litter'd in one day, + And I the elder and more terrible.' + +"But, good-morning. I hope you haven't slept off overnight what we +arranged yesterday. How much salary did I promise you? I don't +remember. But I won't play the rogue to you at any rate." + +I told him that I would remain only on two conditions: first, that I +should have entire liberty to do nothing except what I felt competent +to accomplish; and secondly, that there should never be any question of +wages. I had saved enough, during my three years as a tutor, to live +without earning anything for a time. + +He made no reply, only shook his ambrosial locks thoughtfully and +struck my shoulder with his hand, like a prince accepting the homage +and service of a vassal. Then he called his wife, who was in the +adjoining room, dressing the boy. + +She entered with her usual calm expression and, avoiding my eyes, held +out her hand. The boy ran to me and threw his arms around my neck. +"What do you say, dear," cried the artist, "he has really determined to +stay. Of course, it is solely on your account, for he would not throw +up his profession for my sake. Well, I hope you will treat him kindly. + + 'This lad--no angel is from sin more free, + Craving thy favor, I commend to thee.'" + +With these words he rose, smiling, leaving me to decide whether the +quotation referred to my character of Fridolin, or to Joachimchen, who +expressed great delight on hearing that Uncle Johannes would take him +to walk immediately. + +After her husband had left the room, Luise came to me and said in a low +tone: "I can not approve your decision, Johannes. But I am so weary +that I have not the strength to combat it." + + + * * * * * + + +I shall avoid giving a minute description of the time that now +followed. No one can feel disposed to pursue the destinies of such a +strolling company, the alternations of good and evil fortune, or the +coming and going of its members, in greater detail--nay, even for +theatrical history the list of its plays would have no value, as it was +not at all regulated by the spirit of the time, nor even by the +fashion, but patched together from new stock and shabby rubbish, as +chance and the difficulties of stage-setting permitted. + +During the first few months the enterprise remained in about the same +stage of prosperity as I had found it. Then, by the withdrawal of the +Selmars and their charming daughter, it fell several degrees, soon rose +again by advantageous engagements, and then declined in consequence of +our worthy stage-manager's being made helpless for months by a fall +from a high scaffold. These fluctuations corresponded with the ebb and +flow in the cash-box, and, but for the wise economy of the manager's +wife, there would often have been a failure in the payment of salaries. +But the name of Spielberg always possessed sufficient attraction to +fill the house tolerably well, and make amends for the recreant +members. The most faithful were those from whom I should have least +expected loyalty--Laban, who, with all his apparent frivolity and +jesting, felt a sincere and warm reverence for Frau Luise, and the +young couple, whose stay, it is true, was due to less honorable traits +of character. + +How they were to regard me, and in what manner my position as dramatic +"maid of all-work" was to be interpreted, at first caused them much +perplexity. They soon learned that I was not working for money. My sole +pecuniary profit consisted in my paying no board, as Frau Luise would +not permit any other arrangement, and occasionally, when lodgings for +all could be hired, I was not allowed to pay for my sleeping-room. In +return, I made myself as useful as I could, coached green beginners in +their parts, sometimes stood at the side-scenes or crouched in a +subterranean box with the prompter's book in my hand, copied parts, +arranged plays so that ten characters could be compressed into six, and +only drew the line of my services at the one point of obstinately +refusing to undertake to act any part, no matter how trivial. + +At first they attributed this to arrogance, of which, spite of his +unassuming helpfulness, they credited the "doctor" with a large share. +But, after I had once told them that I cherished too lofty an idea of +art to sin against it by bungling work, I rose no little in their +esteem, and even Spielberg, who never ceased saying that I was a genius +in disguise, let me alone. + +The suspicion that I was following the company as a secretly favored +admirer of the manager's unpopular wife had of course at first +suggested itself, even to the better natures among them. But the calm +irony with which the great artist crushed all allusions to such a +relation did not fail to produce its effect, as well as the perfectly +unembarrassed demeanor of the suspected woman herself, and my own +Fridolin countenance, which expressed anything rather than the secret +triumph of a favored lover. + +And, indeed, I was not on a bed of roses. + +Not to mention that I was forced to purchase the happiness of being +daily in her society, and making myself indispensable to her by a +hundred little services, at the cost of witnessing her suffering, +which, it is true, she bore like a heroine, but which nevertheless +constantly consumed her strength and youth--it was a most painful thing +to be compelled to witness her husband's steady progress toward the +ruin to which the unfortunate man opposed less and less resistance. At +first I had endeavored not to lose sight of him after the play was +over, striving--in the outset with mild, afterwards with the most +earnest remonstrances--to recall him from his fatal passion. As he had +a gentle, yielding nature, I succeeded several times in doing so. But +Daniel, who with fiendish cold-bloodedness played the part of his evil +genius, soon made him disloyal to his best resolves and vows, so, at +the end of a few weeks, I was forced to let the evil pursue its course. + +For a time the leonine constitution of which he boasted resisted the +effects of his nocturnal debauches, at least so far that no traces of +them were visible the following morning. Then, in the consciousness +that he stood in need of forgiveness, he was courteous and affectionate +throughout the day, like a little boy who fears punishment, and paid +his wife all sorts of charming little attentions. + +But as his weakness gained more and more control, and his nervous +strength began to fail, he no longer took any trouble to deceive us +about his condition, and instead of showing repentance and +embarrassment, after spending half the day in bed suffering from the +effects of his intoxication, he tried to conceal his evil conscience +under an air of boastful defiance, and bluntly declared that genius +required great stimulants, and need not be restrained by Philistine +rules. + +Of course, with such irregularities, which soon became the rule, no +firm, careful management of the company was possible. By degrees all +business cares and responsibilities were shifted to my insignificant +self. It was enough if the sick lion crawled out of his den an hour +before the performance, rolled his bloodshot eyes in front of the +mirror, and then made his somewhat husky but all the more tragic voice +resound through the theater till the puzzled spectators left the house +with the acknowledgment that he had "roared well" again, and no one +could easily outdo him in shaking his mane. + +Nevertheless, in this disorder, the company lost its power of +attraction more and more, and were obliged to change from place to +place more frequently, and these numerous journeys increased the +expenses and demoralized the members. I did what I could to stay the +ruin, and, besides a silent clasp of the hand from the woman I loved, I +was rewarded by the confidence and devotion of most of my colleagues. +Only two, who watched the mischief with quiet malice, showed me their +aversion more openly, the more honestly I tried to save the tottering +car of Thespis from breaking down. + +These two, of course, were Daniel and Victorine. + +For a long time the cause of their evident dislike was a mystery to me. +For the insolent young fiend could not long suppose that he had been +supplanted in the favor of the object of his secret worship by the +faithful squire, and his publicly-acknowledged sweetheart, disagreeable +as she was to me, I treated with the utmost courtesy. The real purpose +of both, and the reason I stood in their way, did not dawn on me until +afterward. + +Daniel's passion for the pure and proud woman was of the nature of +those feelings with which fallen angels survey their former heavenly +companions. He could not forgive her being so unapproachably far above +him. To drag her down, gloat over her humiliation, take vengeance for +the coldness with which she passed his hellish ardor by--this was the +diabolical idea that haunted him day and night. He well knew it was +madness to hope for its attainment so long as our wandering life +pursued its usual course. But, if everything were thrown into +confusion, the husband utterly ruined, the wife overwhelmed by poverty +and despair, he relied on conquering the helpless woman, and, with +Satanic energy, grasping her when mentally broken down as his sure +prey. Whoever strove to check this development of the tragedy he could +not fail to hate. + +He had such power over Victorine that she shared this mood--though the +infernal plot affected her too. Besides, I had made her forever my foe +by remaining wholly indifferent to her charms. I will pass over the +proofs I might bring forward, not because I am ashamed of my _role_ of +Joseph, but, even without this, I shall have occasion to speak of +myself more than is agreeable to me. + + + * * * * * + + +I should have led no enviable existence, had not Heaven itself provided +some consolation and strengthened my heart. + +Whenever we settled for a few months in one of the larger cities, I +always obtained a piano, which was placed in Frau Luise's room, or, if +there was no space there, in the dining-room--she still maintained the +rule of having the meals in common, though the Round Table constantly +dwindled--and here we passed our only hours of pure, unshadowed +happiness. For, when she sang and I accompanied her, the narrow walls +seemed to expand, the earth, with everything base and unlovely it +contained, to sink beneath us, while we ourselves floated in a sunny +atmosphere where everything was harmony and peace, love and hope, and +every wound that bled secretly healed at once as though touched by the +hand of some enchanter. + +We did not permit ourselves this delight daily, only on Sundays and +when, for some reason, there was no acting. The boy, meantime, sat in a +little chair and never turned his eyes from his mother while she sang; +or I took him on my knee while I played the accompaniment, and he gazed +wonderingly at the keys. At last I began to give him a few lessons on +the piano, and was amazed to see how easily he understood everything. +Oh, that child! He became more and more the one unalloyed delight of my +life, for unmixed happiness in the society of his mother was impossible +for me. + +Afterward, during my long life as a teacher, I had an opportunity to +observe many hundred boys, and to this companionship I owe a thousand +pleasures. But neither before nor after did I ever meet a child like +Joachimchen. + +He was no prodigy in the usual acceptance of the word. No technical +talent, no intellectual gift developed with extraordinary power or +precocity, and, even in music--the only instruction I began in his +sixth year to give him regularly--he made no remarkable progress. +But the quality this young creature possessed to a far greater degree +than other children of his age, was the subtlety and accuracy of his +mental perceptions, by which he infallibly distinguished truth from +semblance--a, if I may so express it, moral clairvoyance which enabled +him to give the most striking opinions of persons and things without +any precocious conceit. No trace of child-like vanity, no desire for +praise, marred this innocent faculty of his soul. He was like a clear +mirror, which reflected in their real outlines the images of everything +that surrounded him. Any one whom he loved was sure to be pure and +good; for everything base and sordid, though it approached him under +the most flattering guise, instantly repelled him. + +Yes; there was a well-spring of cheerfulness in this little human being +which, in proportion to the delicacy of his physical condition, became +the more refreshing to him and those who best loved him. His thoughtful +views of the world, and the luster of the large eyes in the little +palid face, would have roused our anxiety, had not shouts of mirth +often issued from the narrow chest, while even in his quieter moments +there was no trace of sickly peevishness or weariness. The little +naughtinesses, almost invariably seen in an only child who is deeply +loved and spoiled, were foreign to his nature. A sign, a word would +guide him. It was only in the society of other children that I +frequently perceived a shade of reserve and fretfulness in his manner, +so I persuaded his mother not to force him into their companionship. On +the other hand, he was all the more vivacious, even to the verge of +ungovernable delight, when we took him out to walk. He chased all the +butterflies, made friends with all the little dogs he met, and, mounted +on a hobby-horse, galloped along, swinging his little riding-whip. +Everybody loved him, though he was very chary of his caresses. He was +shy only with his own father. + +Often at dinner--the only time he spent a whole hour with him--I saw +him fix a watchful gaze upon Spielberg, just when the latter in his +most radiant mood was pouring forth high-sounding speeches about art +and artists. The boy never uttered a word, though often, to the delight +of the others, he made one of his quaint, penetrating remarks to some +member of the company. Never, either to me or his mother, did he +mention his father's name. But the latter, whose face always beamed +with the consciousness that he was impressing every one, evidently +avoided meeting the child's eyes, and, when he felt their gaze on him, +became so confused that he often hesitated in the middle of a sentence +and lapsed into silence. I do not remember, during all the time that we +lived together, a single instance when he showed the boy any +tenderness, or troubled himself in the least about him. + + + * * * * * + + +I had agreed with Frau Luise that, on account of the child's delicate +constitution and sensitive nerves, he ought to be guarded from all +mental excitement, though he was now six years old, an age when +children usually begin to Study the alphabet and primers. To train him +in the use of his hands, I gave him easy lessons in drawing, which he +greatly enjoyed, let him practice daily half an hour on the piano, and +sing with his clear little voice intervals and simple songs. During our +walks I told him Bible stories, which, whatever may be thought of their +historical value, ought--as the most venerable traditions from the +earliest days of the Christian world--to be given every child for his +journey through life, as well as the fairy lore of our nation. + +Yet I was obliged to limit even this elementary instruction, because +the boy's unusually vivid imagination transformed everything which was +intended merely to serve for amusement into solid food for his mind. +For instance, he became as much excited over the history of Joseph and +his brothers as a grown person would have been by a novel. I directed +his thirst for knowledge exclusively to natural objects, so far as my +defective education in this department permitted, and everything seemed +to be going on admirably when a slight attack of fever roused our +anxiety. + +The company had settled in one of the larger cities on the shore of the +Baltic, where they were doing an excellent business. So the plan of +instantly departing, and perhaps breaking up the threatening disease by +a change of climate, could not be entertained. Besides, the physician, +whom the mother questioned, did not consider the case serious, +attributed all the symptoms to the child's rapid growth, and prescribed +a different diet and certain strengthening measures which seemed to +have a good effect. + +We had formerly divided the care and training of the boy in such a +way that he was never left a moment without his mother or myself. +Now she would not allow me to take her place except for an occasional +half-hour, and even at dinner remained in her room, while we were +served by Kunigunde. For a long time she had given up the sleeping-room +to her husband's sole use, and contented herself with an uncomfortable +couch made up every night on the sofa, while the child's little bed +stood close by her side. + +He could not be allowed to see the condition in which his father +usually returned at midnight. + +One morning she received me with an anxious face. Joachimchen was +reluctant to leave his bed, complained of headache, and did not want +his breakfast. The doctor, whom I instantly summoned, soothed her as +much as he was able. The fever had not increased, perhaps some childish +disease was coming on, which would produce a favorable change in his +whole physical condition. He prescribed some simple remedy, and we felt +a little relieved. + +He became no worse in the evening. But I had told Spielberg that I +could not perform my duties that night, and, as the play had been acted +hundreds of times, I really was not needed behind the scenes. + +When at ten o'clock I felt the pulse of the child, who was lying in an +uneasy slumber, I thought there was no occasion to fear a bad night, +and persuaded his mother to lie down in order to save her strength. I +would sit up a few hours longer, as I had some alterations to make in a +new play, which was then creating a sensation--I believe it was the +"Son of the Wilderness"--in order to adapt it to the scanty strength of +our company. + +My room in the private house where we had taken lodgings was on the +same floor as the manager's, and I could be summoned by the faintest +call. But for several hours everything remained quiet, and I was just +thinking that I might venture to go to bed when I heard the drunkard's +heavy footstep on the stairs. He had wished the sick child a good +night's rest, with evident sympathy, and even now seemed to remember +that he must enter softly. Nor did it surprise me that he did not go +directly to his own sleeping-room as usual, but gently raised the latch +of his wife's door. He wants to inquire how the boy has rested, I +thought. + +I had just closed my book and was preparing to retire for the night +when I heard the door of Frau Luise's room thrown open, Spielberg's +voice faltering unintelligible words, and shrill moans and cries for +help from the boy which sent a thrill of terror through every nerve. +But I had no time to reach my door, for at the same instant it was +flung wide open, and the unfortunate mother, clad only in the white +dressing-gown in which she was in the habit of lying down when +Joachimchen needed any special care, darted in, her face death-like in +its pallor, holding the wailing child in her arms. + +"Protect us! Save the child!" she cried, with a terrified gesture, and +as she rushed to my bed, drew back the curtains and hastily laid the +boy, whose slender frame was convulsed with sobs, on it, she whispered, +with a glance of intense fear: "He will follow us! Bolt the door! O, +God, this too!" + +She had thrown herself on her knees beside the bed, clasping her +darling's quivering form closely in her arms, pressing her lips to the +little pale face, and murmuring in confused words that he must be +quiet, nobody would hurt him or his mother, he had only been dreaming, +now he must go to sleep again, and his mother and Uncle Johannes would +stay with him all night. + +The child did not cease moaning, struggled into a sitting posture in +her arms, and cast an anxious glance around the room as if he feared a +pursuer. And in fact some one knocked at the door, but very timidly, +and, as none of us answered the request to open it, silence followed, +and we heard the steps retire and the door of Spielberg's room open and +close. + +But there was no improvement in the child's condition. He tossed +convulsively to and fro, his eyes rolled without any sign of +intelligence, and his face burned with fever. + +"I will get the doctor, Frau Luise," I said. "I hope it is only a +crisis." She made no reply, but gazed fixedly at the little one's +distorted features, and endeavored by her embrace to control the +convulsions that shook the slight frame. + +We found them still in the same state when I at last brought the +physician. + +The worthy man, who felt the most sincere reverence for the poor +mother, made every effort to conceal his alarm. When, after a few +hours, during which he had watched the very trivial success of his +remedies, he took his leave, promising to return early in the morning, +and I lighted him down the stairs, he pressed my hand with a heavy +sigh. "Poor woman!" he said. "The child does not suffer at all; it is +not conscious. But how the mother is to bear--" + +"So you have no hope--" + +"There is inflammation of the brain, more severe than I have often +witnessed. But nature is incalculable. Do you know how it happened that +his condition changed for the worse so suddenly?" + +I answered in the negative. It was not until long afterward that I +learned what had occurred in the brief interval between the father's +entrance and the mother's flight. + +Spielberg had returned home with a clearer head than usual. When he +entered his wife's room, she half arose from the sofa and laid her +finger on her lips. By the light of the dim night-lamp he approached +the child's bed, softly touched the little sleeping face, gazed at it a +short time, and then turned to his wife, whispering: "He is doing +admirably." She merely nodded, and when, in an impulse of his old +tenderness and sympathy with her anxiety, he held out his hand, she +kindly returned the clasp. He sat down on the edge of the bed and told +her in a low tone that the play had been much applauded and the +receipts large. When she asked him to go to rest, as talking might +disturb the child, he answered that he was not tired, but felt inclined +to have a short chat with his beloved wife. When she shook her head, he +moved nearer, and, putting his arm around her, begged her to go into +the next room with him for a little while. It was so long since they +had had a confidential talk, and there was rarely time for one during +the day. The more he urged, the more firmly she declined, till he +finally threw both arms around her and whispered: "If you don't come +voluntarily, I will use force! You are my wife!" + +Then, as she resisted with desperate strength, he fairly lifted her up +and was carrying her away, when a shriek from the child's bed suddenly +made him loose his hold. The boy was sitting up, staring with dilated +eyes at the nocturnal scene, and stretching out his little arms as if +to aid his defenseless mother. The next instant he had sprung from the +bed, climbed on the sofa by his mother's side, and, thrusting his +father away with his little clinched hands, screamed: "You sha'n't kill +my mother! Go away! You sha'n't hurt her!--" till, exhausted by terror, +the chivalrous child succumbed to a severe attack of fever. + + + * * * * * + + +The boy lay in the same condition all night, without a single interval +of consciousness. We had not removed him to his own little bed; my +room, situated at the end of the corridor, was quieter than his +mother's. Neither of us left him. His father had come in early in +the morning, but, as he found the child apparently calm and received +only curt answers from his wife, who did not vouchsafe him a single +glance, he soon went away again. For the first time his unshadowed +self-complacency had deserted him. He hung his head like an unjustly +accused criminal before the judge, whom he can not hope to convince of +his innocence. + +The physician had returned very early. He uttered no word of +discouragement, but his troubled face, after he had examined the child, +so oppressed my heart that I could not even venture to ask a question. +But when I went out with him he pressed my hand, whispering: "If he +survives the night--but we must be prepared for everything." + +The actors, who were all very fond of the little fellow, stole to the +door, tapped gently, and asked me for news of him. The only one who +entered the room was Daniel. He bowed silently to Frau Luise, and then +stood a long time at the foot of the bed; but, after a hasty glance at +the little invalid, he fixed his glowing dark eyes on the mother, who, +still robed just as she had fled to me yesterday, sat beside the child, +now hovering between life and death. At first she took no more notice +of the intruder than of anything else that was passing around her. +Suddenly she seemed to feel his scorching gaze, and looked up; the +blood crimsoned her pale cheeks, and she flashed a single glance at the +man she so detested. His head sank, as if he had been struck by an +arrow, and he glided on tiptoe out of the room. + +Victorine alone did not appear. She had never showed any affection for +the child, and, besides, was to have a benefit that night, for which +she wished to freshen her costume by many little devices. + +No one thought of dinner. Kunigunde brought Frau Luise some food, which +she did not touch. I myself hastily swallowed a few mouthfuls in the +kitchen. Spielberg, who after the rehearsal had again inquired for the +child, went to the hotel with the others. + +So the evening approached. The boy's condition remained unchanged, +except that the fever increased, and every remedy used seemed +powerless. After a bath, however, which the doctor himself helped to +give, he seemed somewhat quieter, and lay still and pale in my large +bed, the dear little face only occasionally distorted by a slight +convulsive quiver. + +The father entered in street dress. For the first time his wife looked +at him, and her lips parted in a question--her voice sounded hoarse and +hollow after her long silence. + +"Are you going to act to-night, Konstantin?" + +He went up to the child and touched its pale forehead. + +"He is better. His forehead is perfectly cool. I will come back as soon +as the play is over." + +"He is _not_ better. If, meanwhile--" + +She could not finish the sentence. + +He looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and turned away to hide the +tears the unhappy mother's voice brought into my eyes. + +"If I could be of any assistance here," he said, hesitatingly; "it +costs me a hard struggle to leave you, but you will find that the night +will pass quietly, and to-morrow we shall be relieved of all anxiety." + +"To-morrow!" she repeated, dully. "You are right; to-morrow we shall be +relieved of all anxiety." + +Turning abruptly away, she bowed her face on the pillow of the little +boy, whose chest was beginning to heave painfully. + +The artist had already gone to the door, but stopped, saying: "Since +you prefer it, I will give up the performance. I am so agitated that it +would be a poor piece of acting; and then--if he is really--no, it is +better so. They must do as well as they can. Farewell!" + +I felt how deeply each one of these careless words wounded her. But no +sound or look betrayed that she was conscious of anything save her +maternal anxiety. + +Yet--when, half an hour later, a boy brought a note in which was +scrawled in pencil, "I had entirely forgotten that it is Victorine's +benefit. Unfortunately, it has been impossible for me to induce her to +give me up, and, besides, we have a very crowded house. Let us bear the +inevitable with dignity. Konstantin"--I saw by the gesture of loathing +with which she crushed the sheet and flung it into the corner, that the +wife possessed a vulnerable spot as well as the mother. + +Still she uttered no word of comment, and the next moment seemed to +have entirely forgotten it. + +For the brief armistice produced by the bath had expired. The last +struggle began. It lasted only a few hours, then all was over. The +brave little heart had ceased to beat. + +The mother sat like a statue of despair beside the bed, holding the +little white hand, which no current of blood would ever again warm, and +gazing fixedly at the closed eyelids and livid mouth distorted by pain +that would never more utter any merry words. It was as still around us +as though the night was holding its breath, in order not to rouse the +mother's agonized heart from its beneficent stupor. I had thrown myself +into a chair in a dark corner, and felt as though I were sinking deeper +and deeper into the bottomless abyss of the vast enigma of the world. + +From time to time I was forced to struggle with the temptation to rise, +go to the poor woman, fall on my knees before her, and plead: "Keep +your heart firm that it may not break. If you follow him into the +grave, I shall perish too." + +But I conquered this selfish impulse. What mattered what happened to +me! What mattered anything, since this child no longer breathed! + +The window stood open, the still night air--it was early in June--stole +into the room, but, as the house stood in a quiet side street, rarely +bore with it the sound of a human voice or a passing footstep. The play +must be over, and, with silent indignation, I expected to see the +artist return home to-night in the same condition as yesterday. But I +had done him injustice. + +His footstep echoed from the street below as firm and full of stately +majesty as when he trod the boards in his most exalted characters. +Beside it was another, which I should instantly have recognized as +Daniel's elastic tread, even had not his voice been audible also. The +words were unintelligible. But he must have been telling some amusing +story, for his companion's resonant laugh interrupted him several +times. They did not cease talking till they reached the door of the +house. + +His wife started at the sound of the laugh, and rose. The little +lifeless hand slipped from her clasp. She passed her other hand over +her brow and her lips moved, but I did not understand what she was +saying, and I only saw that her eyes were sullenly fixed on the floor. + +Her husband entered softly. "O, God!" he exclaimed, as he glanced at +the bed. "It is over!" He pondered a moment to find something to say to +his wife, then with a deep groan went to the boy and was about to bend +over him. But he started back as the mother suddenly stood before him, +with her tall figure drawn up to its full height. + +"You shall not touch him," she said, in a harsh, hollow tone. "Go, at +once--we have nothing more in common with each other. May God forgive +you for what you have done! Go, go!" she repeated, in a louder tone, +as he made a gesture of entreaty--"I will not bear one word from +you--here--by this bed--in this hour--" + +"Luise!" he exclaimed wildly. + +"Hush!" she replied sharply, "I pity us both, you as well as myself. I +know you do what you cannot avoid. But go, go! Something is rising in +my soul--something terrible. If I should see you before me longer, +poor--comedian, I might utter words I should repent to-morrow." + +Spielberg tottered out of the room. But, as soon as he had closed the +door behind him, his wife sank down beside the couch of her dead child, +and a convulsive sob burst from her sorrow-laden heart. + + + * * * * * + + +(Here in the manuscript follow several pages, in which a detailed +account is given of everything that happened during the next few days. +After so many years, every little circumstance was still present to the +narrator, and his grief for the boy, his sympathetic insight into the +soul of the hapless mother, burst forth with such renewed strength that +he felt a sorrowful relief in again conjuring up, incident by incident, +these melancholy recollections. But we will not take up the thread +again until after the earth has closed over the little coffin, which +was wholly concealed under the garlands bestowed by the actors and some +kind people among the inhabitants of the little town. The mother, who +could not be prevented from walking in the funeral procession, had +watched with tearless eyes, as if they were "burned out," her "entire +happiness" placed in the grave--the father had displayed a pathetic +emotion, whose extravagance touched no one. The next evening a comedy +was again played, and the great artist did not miss a word of his +part.) + + + * * * * * + + +The fortunate star of the renowned company of artists seemed to have +vanished when the child's eyes closed. + +The audiences at the theater daily diminished, two of the most useful +and indispensable members broke their contract and left the manager +in great embarrassment, he himself, after having exerted some little +self-control during the first period of mourning, plunged still more +madly into his nocturnal carouses, and, when I earnestly remonstrated, +asserted with tragic affectation that he had no other means of drowning +his grief. Recently he had even smuggled a bottle of strong liquor into +the dressing-room, contrary to his own rule, prohibiting the use of +wine or spirituous drinks of any kind during the performances. So it +happened that he sometimes declaimed his lines with a stammering +tongue, and lost the last remnant of his authority over his company and +effect upon the public. + +I watched the increasing trouble with deep anxiety; but the mute +abstraction in which the unhappy wife passed her days tortured me still +more. At last I ventured to speak to her on the subject, and it seemed +as though she had only been in an apparent death-trance, which was +broken by the first tender word, the first touch of a friend's hand. + +"I thank you, Johannes," she said, and for the first time her dull eyes +grew wet with tears. "You are right, I must try to control my grief. It +is not death which has clutched me in his bony arms and stifled every +breath. Life, dear friend, is far more cruel; I cannot break the chains +and bonds in which it has fettered me. But even a convict who drags an +iron ball by a chain must perform his task. It was cowardly and +childish to neglect my daily duties. Only have a little patience with +me; I will hold up my head again." + +From that moment she resumed all her duties to the company, managed the +money matters, kept an eye, with Kunigunde's assistance, on the +wardrobe, sent the members word that she would again provide the +dinner, and only shrank from one thing--occasionally attending a +rehearsal as usual. + +She again treated every one pleasantly, but never spoke a word to her +husband except when he addressed her. Her misfortune had drawn the +members of the company nearer to her; the women, especially, showed her +many little attentions, except Victorine, who held aloof as before, and +no longer even appeared at the Round Table. + +But, when darkness came, she always went to the graveyard and remained +there an hour alone, declining even my companionship with a silent +shake of the head. But we met each other several other times when she +was returning home, and walked silently side by side, absorbed in the +same thoughts, which needed no utterance. I only remember that I once +asked her how she could reconcile this pitiless blow with God's +fatherly kindness. She stopped and, raising her tearful eyes to heaven, +answered: + +"Never for one moment have I doubted him. Spite of all the burdens that +weighed upon me, I was the most blessed among women, and God is wise +and just. He lets the tree of no earthly happiness grow into heaven. +But, for the very reason that he took the child from me, I know that he +has not deserted me. If he had left him to me, and he had some day seen +with his innocent eyes the ugly world around us as it really is, and +been permitted only the choice between scorning it or becoming akin to +it, who knows what he would have decided, and either course would have +made both him and me wretched. Now I have buried him here in my heart, +in all his purity and loveliness, and may love him forever, far better +and more fervently than when I still clasped him in my arms. And, +though this love is full of sorrow, neither time nor fate has any power +over it, and for this I thank God, whom I always know near to me when I +go down into the depths of my own heart and feel the dear child living +on there." + +What answer could I have made? My whole philosophy became pitiful and +humble before the pious trust of this strong soul. She received the +news calmly, when one day at table her husband said that they would be +obliged to change their residence. The receipts were miserably poor, +and he had had an invitation from the magistrates of the next town on +the coast to give a series of plays, lasting several weeks. + +As he spoke, he cast a side-glance at his wife, as though fearing she +would object to leave the place where her child lay buried. He had long +since fallen into the habit of discussing no subjects, when alone with +her, except those required by absolute necessity. + +To his surprise she simply assented. Even, when, three days after, we +departed and I drove through the gate in the same carriage with her and +the worthy lady whose young daughter played the _ingenues_, while +Spielberg, with Daniel and Victorine, formed the rear-guard, she had +strength enough to give no sign of the emotions which must have +assailed her in parting from the little grave. + +But the hopes with which we had struck our tents were not to be +realized. Just at that time a panic occurred in commercial circles that +made itself felt in the seaport no less than in the large North German +commercial towns. People kept their pockets buttoned, and even the +renowned artist could not open them. + +He became so irritated by this state of affairs that, to punish the +ingratitude of the age, he intentionally hid the light of his art under +a bushel, and played his parts with such haughty negligence that even +the few patrons of the theater, who had known his reputation, shook +their heads, and transferred their favor to the less famous members +of the company. Victorine was the admiration of the young merchants; +the _ingenue_ previously mentioned turned the heads of the older +school-boys; Daniel, whose acting, even when most negligent, always had +its interesting moments, found favor with the critics in the two local +papers--yet, nevertheless, the receipts were so small that the company +would have been compelled to disband had not Frau Luise's wise economy +provided a reserve fund for such contingencies. She paid the salaries +as regularly as ever, and kept the wardrobes and other requisites in +decent order, without receiving any special thanks from any one. + + + * * * * * + + +I myself was entirely out of funds. Two and a half years of this +wandering life had devoured my savings, I could scarcely be seen in my +shabby clothes, and, though protected from any anxiety about food, had +not even the small amount of pocket money required for trifling wants, +so that I was sometimes seized by a mood of despairing melancholy, and +should undoubtedly have been up and away some day had I not known how +indispensable I had become. If I left the company, everything must +go to ruin. I could tell myself, without vanity, that the breach of +my--unwritten--contract would be equivalent to fracturing an axle in +the car of Thespis. + +Moreover, was I not bound body and soul to this woman, considering +myself transcendently rewarded if she held out her large, firm hand to +me in the evening and said, "Good-night, dear friend!" + +Still, these miserable circumstances oppressed me more and more, and +one day, when I met in the street a college friend who meanwhile had +had a prosperous career, and while on a business journey had come to +our Pomeranian coast, I bore his look of compassionate surprise with a +bitter laugh, and willingly accepted his invitation to share a bottle +of wine with him that evening at his hotel and make a general +confession. + +I had made no confession for years, and it was months since a drop of +wine had moistened my lips. So only a single glass was needed to lure +from me an unreserved acknowledgment of my wretched plight. + +There was but one thing I carefully concealed--the strongest chain that +bound me to this miserable existence, my mad, hopeless love for this +woman. Yet, had the hand of a god suddenly aided me to tear myself +free, what could I have done with my liberty? To what occupation in +civil life should I have found the door open, I, a runaway Candidate of +theology, who had not disdained to play the part of factotum to a +company of traveling actors for two years and a half. + +So when, toward eleven o'clock, I took leave of my former comrade, we +were no wiser concerning my future, and what I had to hope and fear +from it, than in the beginning. + +He had told me, with a shake of the head, that there must be some love +affair in the matter, and correctly understood my shrug of the +shoulders. But, as he had been to the theater the night before, he +seemed undecided between Victorine and the young _ingenue_. + +"Let me sleep over the affair," he said at last, as he went out into +the hall with me--we had had our wine in his chamber, as there was +much noise and confusion in the public room below--"I sha'n't see you +to-morrow, because I must leave very early, but I will write as soon as +a good idea occurs to me." + +I pressed his hand and thoughtfully descended the stairs. In going up, +two hours before, I had seen in the public room below Luise's husband +and several actors, among them Daniel, who was inseparable from the +manager. Meantime, eleven o'clock had come, but they had not yet +separated, and I wished at any cost to avoid meeting them. But, just as +I was stealing softly past the door, it was thrown open, and my friend, +tall Herr Laban, staggered out, supported by one of the younger actors. +Both were in the gayest humor. "Look there, look there, Timotheus!" he +shouted, laughing. "Where the deuce hast thou been hiding"--he always +used 'thou' to me--"while we have been seeing the most capital farce +played here? You have missed a great deal, I can tell you, Doctor; and, +in not saying good-night to your traveling friend over our heads, you +have stood very much in your own light. Isn't that so, Juvenil?" + +The young man laughingly agreed that it had been a splendid joke--no +comedy of errors had ever amused him so much. + +I tried to pass on with some careless remark, but Laban seized my arm +and, while we helped him down the last steps, began to tell me the +story in his comical way. + +They had drunk several glasses when Daniel began to boast of his talent +for imitating living persons, and instantly gave several proofs of this +ability by copying the voice and gestures of the landlord and some of +the regular guests, to the delight of the whole company. Spielberg +alone had sat in his heroic grandeur, looking on with an air of +contemptuous dignity, and finally remarked that such monkey tricks, +which dazzled the public, were easy, and besides found their limits in +certain figures whose majesty rendered them, as it were, unapproachable +for mimicry. Did he include himself among them? the insolent fellow +asked, and, when the great man nodded silently, he laid a wager that he +would personate him so exactly that he would hardly know whether it was +himself or his double. They ordered a bottle of champagne, and then +Daniel led the manager into the next room. After a short time the door +opened again, and Spielberg strode in. Everybody asked whether Daniel +was not ready or had given up his wager. "That young man promises much, +and does nothing save to make fools of honest Thebans," was the reply, +after which he approached the table with his stately walk, shook the +bottle in the ice and exclaimed: "A plague on all cowardly poltroons!" +Then they first discovered that it was Daniel, and not the great actor +himself, and even then it was only the little hand he owes to his +Polish blood that betrayed him. But, just as there was a general burst +of applause and laughter, the door again opened and a second Daniel +appeared, in a gray summer suit and Polish cap, with his cat-like tread +and feminine movement of the hips, so that the uproar and clapping of +hands grew louder than ever--for nobody had ever imagined the manager +possessed such a talent. This, however, was merely the beginning of the +farce. Each continued to play the character of the other: Daniel in the +belaced velvet coat, with straw hat pulled over his forehead, toasted +his image, amid constant quotations uttered in his resonant voice, and +Spielberg, with all the Harlequin tricks the other was in the habit of +using on the stage, never let the laughers stop to take breath, so that +each of the two had won and lost the wager. But, when they had broken +the neck of the second bottle, Daniel suddenly became silent, went to +Spielberg, and whispered something which made the manager look puzzled. +But his double seized his arm and led him out. When after a long time +they did not return, we asked for them, and the waiter said that after +whispering together for some time the two gentlemen had left the hotel +arm in arm. + +I do not know why I could not laugh at this amusing trick. But I +hastily took leave of the two actors, whose room was on the top floor +of the hotel, and, in a most uncomfortable mood, passed out into the +street just as the clock in the nearest church-steeple struck eleven. +Though I felt no inclination to sleep, a strange anxiety urged me +homeward, as if I were expected there. + +My way led through the street in which the other hotel stood. Here +Victorine and Daniel lodged. And just as I glanced at the door of the +house I saw the fellow--whom I easily recognized by his dress--ring the +bell and, directly after, with a greeting from the porter, cross the +threshold. But what thought occurred to me? Was that really Daniel--or +was it his double in his clothes? And, if it were the latter, what was +he doing in that house, where Victorine was now probably waiting for +the _other_? + +However, I had no time to ponder over this idea, for the question +suddenly darted through my brain: What has become of that other, the +false Spielberg? + +Suspecting some deviltry, some base trick, I rushed through the +deserted streets to the house where Frau Luise lived, and I, too, had +my modest room in the upper story. She was in the habit of sitting up +late with some piece of sewing or a book, usually alone, for faithful +Kunigunde closed her eyes at nine o'clock. As I hastily drew out my +night-key I noticed that the door, contrary to custom, stood half open. +I did not take time to shut it again, but, with trembling hands, +lighted the little pocket-lantern, which must illumine my way up the +dark stairs, and rushed on. But I had not yet reached the landing on +the first story when I heard Frau Luise's deep tones, and then saw her +facing her husband--no, his double, who, with his straw hat on his head +and his coat flung open, slowly retreated before her, his ardent dark +eyes fixed with an indescribable expression on her face. + +Frau Luise was holding a little lamp in her left hand, and had raised +her right threateningly against the scoundrel, her face, whose waxen +pallor usually formed a striking contrast to her mourning dress, was +flushed with the crimson hue of wrath, and her eyes shone with a +strange, supernatural luster. + +"You will leave this house at once and the city tomorrow," I heard her +say. "You are the most contemptible of human beings, and what you have +presumed to do merits a bloody chastisement. I am a woman, and must +leave it to my husband to avenge this insult as he deems best. But, if +you should ever have the effrontery to appear before my eyes again--" + +"Pardon me, madame," he interrupted--and, though he endeavored to +appear entirely nonchalant, I detected in his tremulous voice that he +did not feel entirely at ease while confronting this haughty figure--"I +beg a thousand pardons; I did not imagine you would take an innocent +jest so tragically, especially as your husband saw no offense in it. We +had laid a wager that I could personate him exactly. The final and +hardest test, of course, was whether his own wife would recognize me. +Well, at first you certainly believed me to be Herr Spielberg, and were +not undeceived until I took the liberty of embracing you--doubtless a +husband's kisses are less ardent than those of a lover, who for two +years has yearned to even once press his lips upon a mouth which never +had aught for him save contemptuous silence. Though I have lost my +wager, the kiss that betrayed me is abundant compensation, and so, +fairest of women, I have the honor--" + +He was not to have breath to finish the sentence. For, in a fury I had +never experienced before, I rushed upon the miscreant, seized him by +the chest, and, tearing off his hat with the other hand, shook him by +the hair till his sneering face wore an expression of mortal terror, as +I dragged him to the stairs and would have flung him down heels over +head, had he not by a sudden movement, lithe as a young panther, +escaped from my grasp, and, thrusting me aside, glided down the dark +stair-case, muttering an imprecation between his set teeth. + + + * * * * * + + +We heard him shut the door of the house and, in the fear of pursuit, +hurriedly lock it. Then, in the death-like stillness that again +prevailed, we looked into each other's eyes to see if it were possible +that we had actually experienced this, or whether some dream had +conjured up the same vision before both. I saw her tremble as if some +unclean beast had clutched her in its claws. A quiver of wrath and +loathing contracted her brow and lips. "I thank you, Johannes," she +said. "But excuse me, I must go in now and wash myself. O, Heaven! all +the perfumes of Arabia--but no, we can only be sullied by our own evil +thoughts. Do not you think so, too?" + +She turned away and carried the lamp back to her room again. I followed +her to the threshold. + +"Frau Luise," I asked, "will you let me shoot the rascal down like a +mad dog? Or do you consider him worthy to receive his punishment in an +honest duel?" + +"You must do nothing to him," she answered in a hollow tone. "If, +as I still hope, it is false that another person knew of this knavish +trick, it is that other's business to avenge the insult that was +offered to him even more than to me. To-morrow will decide this. It is +late now--you must leave me--I must wash my face and the hands that +touched the scoundrel, even to push him away." + +I shut the door, and sadly mounted the stairs to my room. + + + * * * * * + + +It was useless to think of sleeping. Not only because the detestable +scene I had just witnessed still hovered before my eyes, but because I +expected every moment that the other would return home, and wished to +be ready in case his wife should need my assistance. + +True, she was strong and brave enough to defend herself against any +insult or injury. But who could tell in what state of recklessness, +stung by his evil conscience, that "other" would confront her. + +At any rate he delayed long enough. The _role_ of double, which he +played so admirably, seemed to have found an appreciative audience in +the depraved girl for whom he was enacting it, or perhaps she had +entered into the deception with malicious satisfaction in order to +wound the noble woman she hated. + +I heard the clock strike the hours--midnight, one, two. Then, without +undressing, I threw myself on the bed and shut my burning eyes, but my +ears remained open and watchful. Scarcely half an hour had passed when +I heard a lagging step approach along the pavement below, and in an +instant again stood at my window. Yes, it was he. By the gray light of +the summer sky, I could distinguish the Polish cap, the loose coat, and +the white hands which hastily rummaged his pockets for the key of the +house door. But it was in the other suit of clothes, now worn by the +double. The criminal who had shut himself out of the peace of his own +home stood for a time gazing up at the windows, behind which he +doubtless saw the glimmer of the night-lamp. Ought you to go down, open +the door for him, and pour forth to his face all you think of him, all +the wrath you have so long pent up concerning his sins against this +woman, the tip of whose little finger he is unworthy to kiss? No, I +thought. Let him suffer for his sin. It is only a pity that this isn't +a winter night, and he is not obliged to stand barefoot in the snow +until broad daylight. + +He? He would have been likely to undertake such a penance! After twice +calling, in a tone of assumed piteousness, "Luise!" he took off his +cap, passed his hand over his waving locks, then pressed the little fur +cap low over his forehead, and turned defiantly to seek the place from +which some pitiful remnant of remorse had driven him. + +I uttered a sigh of relief, opened the window, and cooled my heated +face. At last I sought my couch, and toward morning really fell asleep. + +My slumber was so sound that I was first roused by a very loud knocking +at my door. When I opened it, Kunigunde was standing outside, and +requested me to come down to Frau Luise. "Has your master returned?" I +asked the faithful creature. + +"Of course. But not until nearly nine o'clock, when my mistress had +gone out to make some purchases. He seemed to know that she was not at +home, for he did not even ask for her, but shut himself up in her room +for a while, and then went away without leaving any message. But I saw +a letter lying on the table, which the mistress read as soon as she +came in, and then sent me up to you." + +The good old woman was evidently troubled, and, in spite of having gone +to rest so early, seemed to have heard enough of the nocturnal scene to +pity her honored mistress. + +When, following close at her heels, I entered Frau Luise's room, I +found her sitting on the sofa beside a table, with the letter lying +open before her. + +She nodded to me with an absent look, and said in an expressionless +tone: "Sit down and read this, Johannes; the end has come." + +I took the sheet and hastily glanced over it. The letter was not short, +and was written precisely in Spielberg's usual style, lofty, adorned +with rhetorical ornaments, interspersed here and there with a quotation +from Schiller. He saw that by yesterday's occurrence--of which, though +without any evil intent, he had been the cause--he had forfeited even +the last remnant of her love. So it would be better for him to go +voluntarily into exile, and not return until he could meet her with new +renown and in an assured position. True, what are the hopes, the wishes +on which man relies? But he trusted to his star. She would lose all +trace of him for a time, but he hoped he should afterward be able to +repay her for what she had suffered through him. He closed by thanking +her for her generous tolerance of his weaknesses. Genius was no easy +companion for a life-pilgrimage--and similar high-sounding words. + +In a postscript, he begged her to pardon him for having appropriated, +in order to execute his plan, the reserve fund she had so carefully +saved. He left in exchange, at her free disposal, the whole _fundus +instructus_, scenes, costumes, requisites, and theatrical library; she +might either sell them or continue the business. In the latter case, +Cousin Johannes would assist her. + +Then followed a pathetic farewell, another quotation, and the +signature, with an elaborate flourish: "Ever your own Konstantin." + +I probably looked like a person who, while eating raspberries, suddenly +bites a wasp. For, as I silently laid down the letter, she said +soothingly: "It has moved me very little. This must have happened +sooner or later, and it is fortunate that it came now. Believe me, I +feel perfectly calm, and am sincerely grateful to him for not having +sought a personal interview. I am like a person recovering from a +severe, insidious disease, a little weak, it is true, but I shall no +longer be terrified by the hideous visions with which the fever +tortured my brain." + +"What do you intend to do?" I asked at last. + +"My duty, so far as I can. True, I am as poor as a church-mouse. But +the others must not suffer." + +"Frau Luise," I said, "I know that you were formerly too proud to +summon your guardian to give an account of his management of your +property. But now, in such necessity--" + +She smiled bitterly. "Too proud? My dear friend, I should not have been +too proud even at that time to claim my rights. But, as you know, where +there is nothing, even the Emperor cannot assert his rights, far less a +poor Canoness who eloped with an actor. My uncle squandered the last +shilling of my mother's property. Would you have me turn him out of +house and home by appealing to the law? But let us say no more about +these detestable things. Fortunately I paid the members of the company +their monthly salary only a few days ago. As the business is now broken +up, they are in a pitiable plight, for where can they obtain a new +engagement in midsummer? So the _fundus instructus_ must be sold as +quickly and as profitably as possible, and meantime be pawned. You will +do me this one last favor, dear Johannes. I have another little plan, +too. Why do you look at me so wonderingly? Surely you did not suppose +that all this would find me unprepared. I have long expected something +of the sort. Weak as he is--but we will not speak of him." + +She now explained her intention of obtaining, by means of a concert in +the theater, a considerable sum for the benefit of the orphaned +company, which, bereft of the manager and "the others," could give no +more performances. By these "others" she meant Daniel and Victorine. +While out of doors she had met an actor, who excitedly asked whether +she knew that the couple had just gone on board an English merchant +vessel lying in the harbor. He did not say that the manager was with +them, but the wife did not doubt it for an instant, and therefore knew +what she should find when she returned to the house again. + +She would herself appear and sing at the concert, she continued. She +knew that there would be a full house, for her misfortune, of course, +was now in everybody's mouth, and, as she had always kept out of sight, +curiosity and perhaps a better feeling would urge many to see and hear +the woman who had led so strange a life, and must now reap what she had +sown. She did not fear the eyes of strangers. It was a misfortune that +her heart had prompted her to entrust her life to the keeping of one +who was unworthy, but neither a disgrace nor a crime. So she would +appear, with head erect, before a cold, malicious world, and not a note +would falter in her throat. + +She had not expected too much of her own powers. When she appeared on +the stage, in a plain black dress, with a little black veil wound +around her golden braids, and every eye in the densely-crowded house +was fixed upon her, I saw--I was sitting at the piano to play her +accompaniments--her face flush for a moment. But its natural hue +instantly returned, and she sang her aria from Orpheus, several +melodies from Iphigenia in Tauris, and Mignon's song composed by +Beethoven, with such power and simple beauty that it seemed as if the +tempests of life which had stirred the inmost depths of her soul had +only served to bring the flower of her art to still more superb +development. + +The effect was so profound and overwhelming that a storm of applause, +such as had never greeted even the finest scenes of the great actor, +shook the theater. + +She bowed modestly, with a sad smile that won every heart. When, in the +waiting-room, I congratulated her, her face clouded. "Hush," she +whispered hurriedly. "Would you tell the victim, about to be offered as +a sacrifice, that the garlands are becoming?" + +The other parts of the programme, two comic soliloquies by Laban, and +some of Schiller's ballads recited by our _ingenue_, were well +received. When I accompanied Frau Luise home, I held in the box under +my arm a very large sum received from the evening's entertainment. + +When we reached her room, I wished to give her the money. "No," she +replied, "henceforth you must be the treasurer. I shall make but one +stipulation--that you do not entirely forget yourself, but share +equally with the rest. With foolish generosity you have spent all your +savings in order to retain a laborious situation here, for which you +received neither thanks nor payment. What do you intend to do now?" + +"That will depend upon you, Frau Luise." + +Her eyes sought the floor, then, raising them to mine with an +indescribably tender glance, she said: + +"No, my friend, we part this very day, this very hour. You need have no +anxiety about me. I shall not pine away and die. You know that I am +very strong, or how could I have endured everything?--and, as I am no +longer a Canoness, I must not shrink from a little labor. But you must +try to return to the life from which your friendship for me has torn +you. Promise me that, after you have attended to the last details of +business here, you will go back to your old profession, if not as a +clergyman, as a teacher, or in some scholarly occupation. I will watch +your course from a distance. You will promise, will you not?" + +"Frau Luise," I stammered, "do you wish to banish me? Do you not +know--" + +"I know all, my friend; you need not add another word. And I also know +that I love you with all my heart, and therefore it is better for us to +part. A woman whose husband has vanished is not free to choose--surely +you understand that. And I will suffer no stain upon my name. You will +remain my friend, as I am yours. And to seal this, I will now, in +bidding you farewell, affectionately embrace you and give you a +sister's kiss. Your lips, my faithful friend, shall restore the purity +of mine, which yesterday were desecrated by a scoundrel." + +With these words, she embraced me, and for one brief, blissful moment +her warm lips pressed mine in a pure and tender caress. Then, with a +low "Farewell, my friend," she gently pushed me out of the door. + +The next morning, when I woke from sorrowful dreams, and was hurriedly +dressing, some one knocked at my door. Kunigunde entered and, with many +tears, told me that her mistress had driven away at dawn in a hired +carriage, telling nobody her destination, and leaving for me a farewell +and a little package. + +It was a sealed paper. When I opened it, out fell the gold chain on +which she used to wear around her neck the locket containing her +mother's picture. + + + + + III. + + +Several weeks have passed since I wrote the last lines. When I laid the +sheet in the portfolio--a music portfolio Frau Luise had left, and in +which I usually kept some of the airs from Gluck's operas arranged for +the piano--I was startled by the bulk of the MS., and asked myself: +"Will any one have patience to read all this? And why should you add to +it?" + +Ah, if you were a professional author, and, instead of a truthful +narrative of the life of the woman so dear to you, could transform her +fate into a genuine romance, skillfully blending fact and fiction, or +if you at least possessed the gift of describing these experiences in +hues so fresh and vivid that no one could help finding her as charming +as she is to you! But you are only a clumsy, simple chronicler of +events, and the man for whom you intend these records will smile at the +_labor improbus_ you have bestowed on so superfluous a work and at your +innocent idea that you were thereby doing him a favor. + +Well, I then thought, even if you are only pleasing yourself by again +conjuring up your old joys and sorrows, what harm is there in that? He +can let the avalanche of MS. you hurl into his house roll quietly aside +with the others the mail brings to importune him. Who compels him to do +more than cast a compassionate glance at it? + +But, if he forgives the lonely man his volubility, and eats through +this biographical mountain, as Klas Avenstak ate through the hill of +pancakes, he must expect that I shall not defraud him of the end, +especially as the early close the gods decreed to Luise's life was +spiced with much that was sweet, to compensate for many bitter things +in her previous destiny. + +So I will summon courage to again take up my pen, endeavoring, however, +to be as brief as possible, especially in the incidents which concern +my insignificant self. + +Therefore I will say nothing of the state of mind in which I spent the +first few days after my friend's secret departure. Fortunately I had a +number of disagreeable affairs on my hands, was forced to attend to the +questions, complaints, business, and reproaches of the deserted company +of actors, undertake the distribution of the money and provide for the +sale of the _fundus_, which latter affair was settled more quickly and +profitably than I had feared. Frau Luise's destination was as little +known as the distant shore to which the great artist had shaped his +course. So I took a sorrowful leave of my colleagues, who, with the +exception of the three oldest members, Laban, Gottlieb Schoenicke, and +the good prompter, who grieved sincerely for the vanished woman, seemed +to be tolerably consoled by the considerable sum that fell to the share +of each, and, as I was far too sad at heart and dull of brain to form +any sensible plan for the future, I sent my trunk to my native town, +strapped my knapsack on my back, and wandered through Pomerania and the +Mark to my old home. I believe that during those eight or ten days I +did not have one sensible thought, for the Orpheus aria constantly rang +in my ears: + + "Alas, I have lost her, + All my happiness is o'er!" + +It will be considered perfectly natural that the news of my return +excited no special rejoicing in the small provincial town, and no one +felt impelled to kill a fatted calf to do honor to the Prodigal Son. At +first I kept out of the way as much as possible, since wherever I +appeared I was stared at as though I were some wild animal just escaped +from a menagerie, or, still worse, shunned with evident fear of +contagion, being regarded as a dangerous sinner who, lured by the lust +of the world and the flesh, had exchanged the preacher's calling for a +dissipated vagabond life among jugglers and strollers. + +One old friend, however, who meantime had become principal of the +highest public school, treated me with his old cordiality, listened +sympathizingly to the account of my fate, and, as I was absolutely +penniless, offered me temporary shelter in an attic room in his little +house. Ere long, spite of my antecedents, he succeeded in getting me +the position of teacher of singing to the three lower classes, as +the old chorister was daily growing deafer. When he became wholly +incapable of further service, the three upper classes were also +transferred to me, and, after having conscientiously done my duty for +several years, and meanwhile showed by my irreproachable conduct that I +was not the Don Juan and demon of darkness rumor had pronounced me, I +was advanced--partly in consequence of the services of my dead father, +whose memory was still honored--to the position of teacher of geography +and history, in which I was often reminded of the time when I had +related the same beautiful stories to my little pupil and his haughty +sister. + +My kind fellow-citizens had pardoned my past--nay, with the feminine +portion of the population, it merely helped to surround the commonplace +fellow I was and am with that halo of impiety which is usually more +attractive to the weaker sex than the most beautiful aureola of +unsullied virtue. Many very estimable mothers of marriageable daughters +greeted me in the street with an encouraging glance--nay, there was no +lack of efforts to tempt me to their houses, especially after a small +legacy, which I inherited very unexpectedly, enabled me, with my modest +salary as a teacher, to establish a quiet home of my own. Even my +friend and present colleague gave me numerous well-meant hints--Heaven +would rather provide for two than for one, and so would the fathers of +the city. But I answered all such admonitions with a smile and a shrug +of the shoulders. How could I have been such a scoundrel as to deceive +an innocent, unsuspecting girl by letting her suppose a heart free +which had long been firmly bound? + +The ten years I spent in this way were joyless and desolate enough. I +had lost my taste even for the society of men; foolish political +discussions and standing local jests had no interest for me, and I had +never cared for any game of cards except the one with which such +beloved memories were associated. So I spent the evenings in my lonely +room, and used the money I saved from gambling and drinking for the +purchase of books, though the volumes were wholly different in +character from those I had inherited from my dear father. Besides the +newest philosophical works, I ordered novels by English authors, among +whom Thackeray was my special favorite, while Dickens seemed to me a +sentimental mannerist, striving for effect, who had no correct ideas of +women. But I will leave this part of my life and hasten on to the main +subject. + + + * * * * * + + +One Wednesday afternoon in March--I had no school, but a furious +snow-storm prevented my taking my usual walk into the country--some one +knocked at my door, and an old woman, on whom I had never set eyes +before, hobbled into the room. She was almost out of breath, for, as +she said, she had come from the alms-house at the opposite end of the +town, and the wind had almost blown her away. She drew from the folds +of her thick shawl a crumpled note, in which was scribbled in pencil: + + +"If you have not yet forgotten your old friend, dear Johannes, give her +the pleasure of a visit. She has been ill for a fortnight, and is +permitted to sit up to-day for the first time. The messenger knows +where she is to be found. + Luise." + + +I will not attempt to describe the tempest of feeling those few words +awakened in my soul. For a moment the room and all it contained whirled +around me, and I should not have been surprised had the old woman +suddenly thrown off her patched clothing and stood before me in the +guise of a beautiful fairy. + +With trembling haste I hurried on my coat, seized my hat and cane, and +went out into the street ere I asked if this were really true, and how +she had happened to serve the lady as a messenger. + +There was nothing strange in that, the old dame had answered. Madame +Spielberg had arrived a fortnight ago, in her own carriage, very ill +with measles, and had asked to be taken to the hospital. But as, on +account of the rebuilding, no one could be received there, and the only +patient, by the burgomaster's orders, had meantime been removed to the +almshouse, the stranger had been transported there, to her entire +satisfaction for, thank Heaven, she had lacked nothing. The doctor had +been instantly summoned, and then the seven old dames who now lived +there shared the nursing, which had prospered so well that to-day she +had eaten her soup with an excellent appetite and been able to drink a +tiny glass of wine. The doctor had told them to be very attentive to +the sick lady, who was of noble birth and a Canoness. Well, that was no +hard task for them. There was not such another lovely lady in the whole +world, she was always apologizing for giving so much trouble, and that +day, after she sat up, had sent for her trunk and given each one some +article of clothing for a present. Then she asked about the +schoolmaster, but, when she saw the storm, said the note could wait +till to-morrow. But she, the old dame, would not hear of that, and now +I would see for myself how well the lady was taken care of. She +occupied No. 12, the best room in the whole house. + +When I had entered the dusky corridor and shaken the snow from my +clothing, and my guide, pointing to one of the little doors, had said, +"That's number 12," I was obliged to pause a few moments to calm myself +before I knocked. Is it really true? I thought. Ten years have passed +like one day! In your heart at least! And she--how will you find her? +But I had scarcely heard her "Come in!" when I knew she must be just +the same as ever; time, grief, and even want had no power over her +strong soul; and, whether I found her in this wretched almshouse or on +a throne, she would ever be the mistress of my thoughts and feelings. + +So I entered, and the first look in which our eyes met thrilled me with +the warmth and happiness a patient, on whom an operation for a cataract +has been performed, feels when the bandage is removed for the first +time. + +She was sitting in a large arm-chair by the window, past which the +snow-flakes were whirling, and held on her knee an open book. The large +room was bare and wholly unadorned, the walls were white-washed, the +bed was covered with a brown shawl that I distinctly remembered, her +trunk stood at the foot, there was a plain table and two chairs--the +usual almshouse furniture. But on the table beside the _carafe_ stood a +glass containing a bunch of snow-drops, in front of a daguerreotype of +her child in a small easel-frame wreathed with the same white blossoms. +Everything was just as usual, for she had always kept this picture near +her, and she still wore, as at the time I last saw her, her mourning +dress, with the little black silk kerchief wound in her fair hair, only +its amber hue was not so deep, but seemed powdered with a gray dust. +The beautiful oval face, however, was wholly unchanged, save for an +expression of cheerfulness which had been alien to it during the last +period of our companionship. How she smiled at me, how her voice +sounded--was she really a sorely-afflicted woman, who had passed her +fortieth year? And I, was I the dried up, provincial Philistine and +pedagogue I had so long believed myself to be, or still a reckless +young fellow, ready at any moment to commit the wildest folly for this +woman's sake. + +She did not rise to greet me, but held out both hands, and I could only +clasp and hold them in the utmost embarrassment. I did not venture to +kiss them. I had too often seen this knightly homage paid by the man +who had inflicted the keenest suffering upon her heart, and would not +remind her of any bitter experience. + +"Frau Luise," I said, "it is really you--you have not changed in the +least--I am so happy to see you again--and you were ill and I only +learn your presence here to-day." + +"Sit down by me, Johannes," she said. "I, too, am glad to see your face +once more. You look very well; you have grown a little stouter, but it +is becoming; teaching seems to suit you better than the dramatic +business. Oh, my dear friend, this is like the day of judgment, when +everything is to be brought together. True, only the shadow of the very +best of all returns!" She glanced at the picture of Joachimchen on the +table, and her eyes grew grave. + +"I can not yet recover from my joyful surprise," I said, as I took my +seat at the window opposite to her. "You here! And what tempted you to +this out-of-the-way corner? And whence do you come?" + +She smiled again. + +"_You_ tempted me, my friend--_you_, and no one else. I was very ill +and thought I should not recover. So, before my death, I wanted to +again clasp the hand of my last friend, and thank him for all the love +and fidelity he has shown me. Believe me, I know everything that has +happened to you during our separation--it is not much--Uncle Joachim +constantly inquired about you and wrote me all he learned. He alone, of +all my acquaintances, knew where I was to be found." + +"And did not answer one single word, the envious man, though I wrote to +him three times to obtain news of you." + +"He could not. I had strictly forbidden it. I wanted to be dead to +every one, and always hoped that God would be merciful and speedily +summon me from the world. But He had different plans for me, and I will +not murmur against His will. Where did I hide myself? Why, in a very +remote corner of the Uckermark, on the estate of a nobleman who had +advertised for a companion for his invalid wife and a governess for his +little daughter. How I fared in that house, and learned to practice +every deed of charity, I will tell you some other time or not at all. I +can only repeat the old words: 'With the sick I became well, with the +poor rich, with the dying I learned to live.' And all this exactly in +my own way, with people whom I tenderly loved. You know the +professional neighborly love a deaconess practices would be contrary to +my nature, like a public display of piety and love for God. But when +the gentle sufferer died, and a few weeks after her little daughter +followed her, I could no longer remain in the house; for the sorrowing +widower, otherwise a thoroughly admirable man, offered me his heart and +hand, and, when I told him that I was not free, proposed to make every +effort to have my missing husband declared dead and then marry me. Just +at that time I received a letter from our Liborius, the gardener, +informing me that Uncle Joachim was very ill and wished to see me. This +instantly afforded me an escape from my painful position. For, though I +could be nothing to the worthy man, I pitied his desolation and his +hopeless love. Willing or not, he was now obliged to let me go at +once." + +"Poor woman!" I said. "How you must have suffered in returning to the +old scenes which had so many hated associations." + +"You are wrong," she answered. "Those few weeks on the estate are among +the most consoling my life has known. I saw none of the faces that were +repulsive to me--indeed many of those I held dear were also missing. +Aunt Elizabeth had slept for six years in the family vault. Her +'inconsolable husband,' as he styles himself on the tombstone, coupled +with a verse from the Bible expressing a hope of a reunion--perhaps you +have seen it in the newspaper?--Uncle Achatz, went to France directly +after the funeral, accompanied by the young Englishwoman, who, after +the separation from Mademoiselle Suzon, had become indispensable to him +as a reader and companion. In Paris, where to improve his finances he +frequented gambling-houses, he met a doubtful character, who quarreled +with him at faro and then shot him in a duel. As the traveling +companion disappeared the same day, leaving nothing of any value, the +unfortunate man was buried in a very simple manner at the expense of +the Prussian embassy, and is still awaiting in French soil the day when +he is to be interred by his wife's side. Hitherto my young cousin has +lacked time and means to do this. Immediately after his father's death, +he set to work zealously, under Uncle Joachim's supervision, to +extricate his financial affairs from their utter disorder, and in every +possible way improve the estate, so that in time the former splendor of +the family might be restored. I should have been very glad to see +Achatz, who had not been your pupil one whole summer entirely in vain. +But just before I arrived he had set out with his young wife on a +wedding journey to Italy. Nor did I see my cousin Leopoldine, who as +you know married Cousin Kasimir, and has had no light cross to bear. My +best friend, Mother Lieschen, had long since gone to her last rest. So +I found only the old servants, the gardener, the villagers, who were +all fond of me because Aunt Elizabeth's kind deeds reached them by my +hands--and my dear old uncle, the sight of whom fairly startled me. He +was sitting, crippled with gout, our family disease, in an +uncomfortable chair by the stove, his dog, a grand-daughter of our old +Diana, lying beside him, and his pipe, which had gone out, between his +teeth. He could not light it himself with his bandaged hands, and +Liborius did not always have time to attend to him. But his mind was as +clear and bright as in his best days, and his old heart still throbbed +as warmly as ever. I can not tell you, dear Johannes, what joy and +enlightenment, even amid the saddest feelings, I experienced during +those last days spent with the dying man. There the last ring forged +around me by my own hard fate was shattered into fragments, and I felt +ashamed of my weak-hearted melancholy in the presence of the quiet, +brave, cheerful sufferer, who never allowed a complaint to escape his +lips. Only when the pain became too severe, a stifled _nom d'un nom!_ +sometimes slipped through his teeth with the smoke, and then he begged +me to put my hand on his heart, that the raging thing might feel its +mistress. + +"So he at last died, with a chivalrous jest on his lips and a loving +look at me. The gout, as people say, went to his heart. It was not +until after his death that I fully realized what a noble man he had +been. I sat for hours beside the open coffin, and resolved that I would +fight as bravely through the span of life still left me, and again look +forth upon the world with cheerful eyes. + +"But I could not yet devote myself to my own affairs, an epidemic of +measles had broken out in the village, and I was needed from early till +late, in house after house, to help the doctor abolish the absurd +torments still in use from the treatment of ancient times. Meanwhile, +the small sum of money I had brought with me was consumed in the +expenses of my uncle's funeral and the needs of the village hospital. +When at last the disease attacked me also, I had just enough left to +pay for the carriage which was to bring me here to my old friend. + +"But when I had arrived it seemed kinder not to startle this faithful +man, perhaps even expose him to the same calamity by summoning him to +my sick bed. So I waited till I had had my first bath, which I took +yesterday, and now I can give you my hand without peril, and tell you +how glad I am that a respite on this chilly earth is still granted me, +and that I hope to enjoy a few more beautiful springs in this lower +world." + + + * * * * * + + +She had again given me her hand, which I now raised to my lips. + +"Frau Luise," I replied, "you have bestowed upon me the greatest joy +and honor I have ever experienced. I value your coming here as highly +as though you had dubbed me a knight. And, in truth, during all these +years, I have felt myself your knight and worn your colors." + +A slight flush mounted into her face, which made her look still +younger. "Do not overestimate me," she replied. "I had two objects in +coming, only one of which was unselfish. I wanted to see you again to +have you help me in my need, but also, it is true, to provide for your +own future." + +"What do you mean?" I asked. "What future can there be for a man like +me, whose presence no one would miss. You see, my dear friend, men of +my stamp are indispensable to the human race, but only like the stones +the architect cements together in the earth, that they may form a solid +foundation for his proud temple. We are invisibly bound together, and +render service as a whole, but the individual is not much noticed; even +if he is moldering, he does his duty while he fills his little space. +Why do you talk to me of the future? So long as you stay with me, time +will vanish." + +Luise shook her head gravely. + +"I am not in question," she replied, "and, if we are to remain good +friends, you must not make any more of these extravagant speeches. You +are no longer an enthusiastic youth, but still young enough to take a +fresh start in life, have a beloved wife and a house full of children, +without entirely forgetting your old friend. It is not necessary to +have a proud ideal of the future for that. But you ought to be ashamed +of so depreciating yourself, burying your talent, dreaming and grieving +away your life in this secluded hamlet, instead of seeking a sphere of +influence where all your gifts might develop. Or, if you have lost the +courage and desire to live for mankind, why will you not at least make +one individual happy, and diffuse warmth enough from your hearth-stone +to benefit the immediate neighborhood?" + +"Because I am no longer free, but have long languished in bonds and +fetters," I replied, and, unbuttoning my vest at the neck, drew out her +gold chain, which I never laid aside. She again flushed slightly, but +forced herself to assume a stern expression, and said: "You are +incorrigible; but I won't give you up yet. I know that you will do much +to afford me pleasure. First, however, you must do me another service. +I have told you that I spent my last thalers for the carriage which +brought me here. I should like to look about me for another position, +where I can make myself useful, and you shall help me by advancing a +small sum. I don't need much, but I haven't paid a farthing in this +house, and should not like to live on at the expense of a community +upon which I have not even the claim of being a native of the place. +But I am not too proud to beg from you." + +"You could have made me no more valuable gift," I exclaimed. "And now +we won't say another word about this trifle. Tell me about yourself, +and, above all, whether you are well cared for here, and what I can do +for your comfort." + +She smiled again. + +"I am treated like a princess. You know that old women were always fond +of me. Now I have no less than seven of them in one group, and they are +so attentive and so jealous of my favor that I am obliged to act on the +defensive. Whenever I rang, all seven of them would come hobbling in to +ask my wishes. They felt honored by the presence of an ex-Canoness in +the almshouse; the coachman, who came from our estate, had told them +who I was, or rather might be, if I had not destroyed my own prospects. +My coming here ill with such a commonplace disease, and lying down +contentedly in so plain a bed, as if I had never slept in a castle, won +their hearts at a single stroke. But, to escape their officious zeal +without wounding the jealous devotion of any one, I arranged to have +each dame serve me one day in the week. In this way I learned to know +them all, and am now aware of everything Mother Schulzen, Mother +Jenicke, Mother Grabow and the others have suffered during their +insignificant, sorrowful lives. But you will be little interested in +this. Besides, I have already talked too much--the doctor would scold. +Go now, dear friend, and if you have time come again to-morrow. While I +am here, we will see a great deal of each other." + + + * * * * * + + +These were pleasant and prophetic words. I owe the happiest part of my +life to the time Frau Luise spent beneath this humble roof. + +Of course, I now visited her daily, and as she rapidly recovered our +talks became longer, so, when the last snow had disappeared and the +world grew warm and bright again, we did not stay within the four bare +walls, but took the most delightful walks, at first near the house and +church, but afterward we rambled for hours along the shore of the lake, +and even entered the little grove beyond. + +We were always compelled to do this when my princess desired to escape +from the attendance of her court. So long as we remained near the +house, the seven old dames persistently followed us, the one who was on +duty that day in front, the six others, each holding her knitting in +her old withered hands, behind, as if to do the honors of the +neighborhood, but really because their hearts drew them to this new +inmate of the household. They seemed to find comfort in merely looking +at her or hearing the distant sound of her voice. But their feeble old +limbs would not carry many of them farther than the shore of the lake, +and the two youngest, who were only seventy and still very vigorous, +dared not take any special liberties. + +We never went into the city. Frau Luise did not wish to fan the public +curiosity, already excited. True, the burgomaster had considered it his +duty to wait upon the lady, and urge her to move into more elegant +lodgings which he had secured for her. + +He, too, was so charmed by her appearance and manner that his first +embarrassment soon vanished, especially after she had requested him not +to call her Baroness, but simply Frau Spielberg, and had thanked him +for the hospitality extended to her here. So comfortable an abode for +old women--to whose number she herself would soon belong--could +scarcely be found in the whole Mark, and she begged to be allowed to +stay until she had decided how to shape her future life. + +But, as she could remain nowhere without bestowing on her environments +the impress of her own nature, the burgomaster at his first visit +marveled at the changed appearance of the almshouse and its inmates. +The seven old dames, who had formerly crept about in forlorn tatters, +with their thin hair hanging over their brows, and lines of discontent +on their faces--nay, sometimes bearing tokens of very unchristian +deeds, the result of their quarrels--suddenly appeared transformed into +neat, civil matrons, for they had noticed that they did not please +their mistress unless they appeared with clean faces and carefully +mended dresses. Even the building itself had changed. The corridors and +rooms were spick and span from scouring, and strewed with clean sand. +The most beautiful of all was the garden, a narrow strip of ground +beneath the low windows. Without saying much about it, Frau Luise one +day dug with her own hands the patch below her own window, divided it +into small beds, and planted some flowers she had asked me to get for +her. Her old guard had scarcely seen this ere they became possessed +with an ambition to imitate the noble lady, and, as the latter +willingly helped them with seeds and young plants, the wilderness, in +which formerly nothing but nettles and weeds of all kinds had +flourished, was transformed into a gay garden, and under each window +stood a small, rudely made bench, painted with cheap green paint, on +which every leisure evening one of the old crones sat in the sunset +glow with the everlasting knitting in her lap. + +I had ordered Frau Luise's bench to be made somewhat larger, so that +there was room for a slender person by her side. There I sat many an +hour, often with a book from which I read aloud to her, or talking +cheerfully and earnestly about God and the world, not infrequently +recalling memories of the beloved child, whose smallest trait of +character had not been forgotten by either of us. His father's name was +never mentioned. I only knew that he was still dragging out his useless +existence in some foreign land. + +At that time I learned to know the deep wisdom of the words "All things +work together for good to them that love God." For all the good and +evil, strange and detestable things this woman had experienced, had +worked together in her strong, clear soul, till after the dross had +been separated pure gold remained. Now, as ever, she was reluctant to +needlessly mention the name of God, and, had she been catechized about +her faith, probably would not have passed the examination well. But she +possessed the consciousness that, whenever she went down into the +depths of her heart, she would find the spirit of peace, love, and +truth, and this consciousness was so vivid that a divine calmness and +confidence, visible to the dullest senses, illumined her brow. But a +new trait in her was a peculiar sense of humor, a mirthfulness which +had rarely flashed out in her youth, yet now appeared to be the +predominant mood of her nature. When she was gay, she could make the +most comical remarks about herself and her surroundings, mutual old +acquaintances, and the seven dames knitting on their little benches, +remarks whose drollery could not be surpassed by Dickens or Thackeray. +Her merry satire did not even spare me. But, as I was utterly +defenseless, she soon let the subject drop, though she could see by my +hearty laughter that I was flattered rather than offended. + +This uniformly charming idyl would have satisfied all my wishes, had I +been able to shake off the fear that it would some day come to an end. +For Frau Luise daily studied all the advertisements for governesses or +nurses, and several times had applied for something, fortunately +without success. I racked my brains to discover some plan that would +keep her near me. But, though she unhesitatingly accepted my friendly +assistance as a loan, she was inexorable whenever I spoke of having no +question concerning "mine and thine" rise between us in the future. + +"Whoever can work must gain a living!" she answered once, in a tone +that deprived me of all courage to return to the subject. + +Then a fortunate chance caused, in a very simple and easy way, the +fulfillment of the sum total of my wishes. + + + * * * * * + + +One Sunday afternoon in May we had taken a delightful walk, and on our +return the little almshouse chapel stood before us in its dense robe of +ivy, illumined by the full radiance of the sun, looking so beautiful +and venerable that, for the first time, we gazed at it attentively and +remarked how strange it was that we had never desired to see the +interior. Though we now heard from the seven matrons that it was +perfectly bare and the walls had nothing but spiders' webs, Frau Luise +asked for the key, which had not been used for years, and, attended by +the whole train of knitting courtiers, we entered the deserted old +chapel. + +There was, in truth, nothing remarkable to be seen. A tolerably bright +light fell through four long, narrow, arched windows, but illumined +nothing save bare walls destitute of pillars, entablatures, or other +architectural decorations. Within the choir there was only the square, +brick foundation of the altar, raised one step above the floor. In a +corner opposite stood a bier covered with a black pall, thickly coated +with dust. The little almshouse chapel had doubtless served for a +receiving tomb so long as the graveyard outside was used. This thought +did not make the cellar-like place more agreeable, and we were about to +go back to the warm spring sunshine when my eyes fell upon a high, +narrow, wooden box, which stood on the other side just opposite to the +altar. Great was my surprise when, after having vainly fumbled about +the case for a time, a lid suddenly flew back, and an old harmonium +appeared. How it came there I could never ascertain. These instruments +are still very rare in our province, and it is hardly probable that +years ago the almshouse had a pious and wealthy patron in the city, who +desired to aid the religious service in the poor little church by such +an endowment. + +So we examined our treasure with astonished eyes. When I touched the +keys, dull and somewhat rusty, yet not wholly discordant notes stole +forth, as if the sleeping soul, so long confined there, were waking, +and its first sound was a timid expression of thanks to its deliverers. + +The case was instantly drawn forward, and I prepared to play. Frau +Luise, with sparkling eyes, came to my side. I began "A mountain +fastness is our Lord," and she joined in with her voice, at first +timidly, it was so long since she had sung a note, but soon with all +her former depth of feeling, till my heart thrilled with ecstasy. When +it was over, I began the introduction to our beloved Orpheus aria, and +how my friend's marvelous alto voice rang through the lofty, empty +chapel! The seven old dames sat silently on the step of the altar, the +click of the knitting-needles was no longer heard, nothing mingled with +the melody except the low twittering of the birds. So in the utmost +delight we practiced for some time, not stopping with this one aria, +and many airs which we had sung to our little Joachim returned to his +mother's mind. + +At last emotion overpowered her, and I ceased playing, rose, and held +out my hand, which she cordially pressed. We knew what remained +unuttered. + +"This must not be the last time we are happy here," I said; "later in +the summer this concert-room will be a pleasant refuge, though now the +damp, close atmosphere oppresses us. I wonder that you could control +your voice so well, Frau Luise." + +She made no reply, but passed out through the doorway. I walked by her +side, and the seven maids-of-honor followed. But what was our amazement +to see a crowd of people gathered outside the threshold, who +respectfully formed into two lines to allow the singer and her train to +pass. Not only some of the plain people from the few neighboring houses +had flocked hither, attracted by the music, but several of the +prominent families in the city, among them the burgomaster and his two +daughters, who while returning from a Sunday walk had heard with +astonishment the strong, beautiful tones issuing from the long silent +chapel, and stopped to enjoy the free concert. + +The burgomaster himself, a great lover of music, seemed so amazed +by the discovery that so admirable an artist had been concealed +in the humble almshouse that he did not utter a word to express his +homage--only bowed low and silently lifted his hat as she passed. The +audience of both high and low degree speedily dispersed; yet, as I +walked home in the evening, I caught many a word from the worthy +citizens, sitting before their doors or going to get their beer, which +betrayed how our church-music still echoed in the ears of the +listeners. + +The Canoness at the almshouse formed the topic of every conversation +during the evening, and no three women whispered together ten minutes +over their coffee without saying something for or against their +interesting new neighbor. + +When, on the following afternoon, I went to my friend, she asked, +smiling: "Guess what distinguished visitor I have had to-day, +Johannes?" Then she told me that the burgomaster himself had called on +her, and, amid many compliments on, her singing, asked if she would +give lessons to his daughters. The two girls, who had been waiting +outside, entered, blushing, and, as she did not refuse the request, +sang to her at their father's bidding in fresh, though untrained, young +voices, after which she gladly consented to give them two lessons a +week, and was to begin the next morning. The only point now was to +procure a piano, the harmonium being far too powerful to be used to +accompany singing. + +It was difficult for me to repress my joy at these glad tidings. Now +she is ours, I thought. Now she need no longer pore over the +advertisements in the last pages of the Voss and Spener journals. + +But I said quite calmly: "This happens capitally. I have a piano"--this +one luxury had been procured for little money, as, though the old +instrument was originally good, it had seen much service--"and I will +send it early to-morrow to the almshouse, where there are plenty of +vacant rooms which would be cheerfully given up to you for your +lessons." + +This plan was accomplished. Ere a month had passed, all the girls from +fifteen to five-and-twenty were enrolled in my friend's volunteer corps +of singers, and it was considered as fashionable to send a daughter to +the Canoness as it is in the capitals to secure admission to the +conservatory. + +She had fixed a very moderate price for her lessons. Still, as she also +superintended choir-singing, and soon had all her time occupied, her +income was so large that I jestingly said she would soon be able to buy +an estate. + +She shrugged her shoulders, smiling, and I well knew what this meant. +For her left hand was never aware of what her right hand was doing, +and, though our town had an organized system of charity, there was +ample opportunity for deeds of benevolence. + +We never exchanged a word about her remaining in the almshouse. But she +persistently resisted the entreaties of her young pupils and their +parents to move into better lodgings in the city. "I could not do +without my seven guardian angels," she said, smiling. She merely +obtained somewhat better furniture for her room, sent for Uncle +Joachim's old chest of drawers and the two pictures of Napoleon--he had +left her everything he possessed--and added two beautiful engravings +from my aunt's legacy. The large room with two windows, adjoining her +own, was fitted up for her lessons, and my piano was moved into it. +Many an afternoon, when I had arrived before the close of the lessons, +I sat outside on the bench in her little garden, listening to the +chirping within, the regular _solfeggios_ and runs, and the magnificent +bell-like tones of the teacher ringing out between them, or the sweet +voices of the full choir, which practiced not only solemn _motettos_ +and _cantatas_, but sought recreation in Mendelssohn, Schubert, and +Schumann. + +The service she was rendering the young people could not fail to dispel +their parents' prejudices against the wife of the strolling actor, and +make them endeavor to draw her to their houses. But on this point she +was inexorable. "I detest these provincial entertainments," she said to +me. "I will cheerfully give the people among whom I live as much of my +life as can be of service to them, but the rest I will keep for myself. +To sit on the sofa a whole evening between the wives of the burgomaster +and the councilor, and talk about servants and betrothals, would kill +me. Besides, my opinions would rouse their displeasure before an hour +was over. There is where Mother Schulzen, Mother Grabow, and the other +five Fates deserve praise. They think me a saint, though I don't go to +church." + +But, while she retained this view and avoided the society of the +mothers, she was all the more friendly in her intercourse with the +daughters. Every other Sunday her pupils, about twenty in number, were +allowed to spend the evening with her, and she gave them a little +supper of tea, cake, and bread and butter. But these pleasant meetings +were not intended merely for merry talk with the children--they were +expected to produce better results. She read to them from the works of +our classic writers the most beautiful and ennobling selections adapted +to their age and culture, a couple of acts from one of Schiller's +tragedies, which they were afterward to finish at home, once the whole +of Iphigenia, at another time ballads from Goethe and Uhland, and then +let her youthful audience express their ideas of what they had heard, +only adding a few wise remarks of her own. + +I did not attend these readings, but took the liberty of lingering +outside the open window and listening to her recitations. I will not +speak of the indescribable enjoyment that fell to my lot. But, though +my love for this woman may make me appear somewhat partial, the +assertion can be believed that she would have surpassed many a famed +tragic actress, had she given her readings on the stage. + +How completely she captivated her young listeners! + +Many of the older people were made somewhat anxious by finding that the +actor's wife was on such intimate terms with her young pupils that she +directed not only their singing but their thoughts and feelings. But +the last ice melted, though it was the very middle of winter; when a +nocturnal conflagration destroyed several houses and robbed some +families of their whole property. Frau Luise instantly advertised +a concert in the town-hall for the benefit of the sufferers. She +herself sang, her pupils helped to the best of their ability in solos, +choir-singing, and recitations. Every nook in the hall, spite of the +high price of admission, was occupied, and the next day there was but +_one_ verdict in house and hovel, namely, that no such pleasure had +ever been enjoyed by even the oldest inhabitants, and no more noble +soul ever dwelt in woman's breast than in the tuneful one of this +greatly misjudged lady. + + + * * * * * + + +So she had reached this point. + +The swan, that had lost its way in the marsh, had plunged into the +clear water of this quiet country lake, shaken its feathers, and lo! +they were once more snow-white as in its early days. + +Even the pastor, who had been unable to forgive her for not appearing +at his church and having even chosen as her only intimate friend a +renegade theologian, whom he could not help doubly condemning--even +this zealous shepherd of souls could not permanently refuse her his +esteem. After the concert he called on her, and had a conversation +which lasted two hours. I met him just as he was leaving the almshouse. +His face looked as I imagine Moses' might have done after he had seen +the Lord in the naming bush. I did not even consider this strange. What +victory over human hearts might I not have expected this woman to +achieve! + +The "overflowing treasure of grace" she so lavishly bestowed benefited +me also. For the first time, my modest greeting to the secretly +resentful man was returned with a friendly gesture, in which I fancied +I noticed a shade of curious interest. We afterward became better +acquainted, and learned to sincerely value each other. + +My position as the Canoness's special friend was of course much envied +by my colleagues and other acquaintances, and many questions were asked +about her. But, as I had no intimacies, I was not obliged to put any +unusual bolts on my heart, that it might keep its secrets. And I must +add one thing more which, amid such narrow, provincial environments, +does the highest honor to human nature: never, by even the most trivial +jest, was the slightest shadow cast upon the purity of my intercourse +with her. + +Nay, a still more extraordinary thing: even the most arrogant among the +wives of the dignitaries willingly yielded her the precedence she never +claimed, and without envy or hatred beheld this stranger, who had been +received into the almshouse from Christian charity, ruling the city as +it were from her little room--at least, in all matters relating to the +common welfare of the inhabitants and their intellectual life. Even the +burgomaster's wife and her friends, who gathered at society meetings +and coffee-parties, did not consider it beneath their dignity to seek +the Canoness's advice on any charitable business, or any question +concerning education or etiquette, with a faith as devout as if the +almshouse were the oracle of Delphi, and Frau Luise sat on the tripod +as priestess. She told me the drollest stories about these occasions, +which I, as a faithful servant of the temple, vowed to silence, must +not betray here. + +Thus the renown of her talents and virtues could not fail to extend +beyond the precincts of our little town, till at last even the +newspapers mentioned her. She took no notice of it; indeed, she did not +look at the papers, now that the advertisements no longer interested +her. I think she secretly dreaded to accidentally read the name of the +man whom she desired to forever forget. + +But her concert for the sufferers by the conflagration had made such a +sensation that all Preignitz and Uckermark rang with its fame. So one +day, when I came to chat with her a little while after she had finished +her lessons, I saw standing in front of the almshouse a dusty carriage, +on whose door I recognized the coat of arms of her own family, though +the faces of coachman and footman were unfamiliar to me. + +Nevertheless, I did not hesitate to knock at her door, and, on +entering, saw a pretty, stylish young lady sitting on the sofa by her +side, while at the first glance I recognized in her companion my former +pupil--Baron Achatz. He had not grown much taller, but a little blonde +mustache had ventured forth under his turned-up Zieten nose, and the +light-blue eyes beneath his low brow had so frank an expression that I +was instantly reminded of his excellent mother, now resting in the +peace of God. + +"Come nearer, my dear friend," cried Frau Luise. "You will find an old +acquaintance, who has already been inquiring for you, and his young +wife. This is our candidate, dear Luitgarde, of whom Achatz has often +told you. What do you say, Herr Johannes? My cousins have come in +person to invite me to spend the rest of my life with them. They have +heard I was an inmate of an almshouse, which did not seem to them a +proper place for a member of their family. Now they want to carry me +off in triumph to their castle, like a precious jewel that has been +taken from the family treasures and at last found again. Is it not kind +in these young people, who could not be blamed if, for a time, they had +thought only of themselves and their own happiness. But you are +misinformed, my dear cousins. I live here just as I desire, and want +for nothing, though my claims upon life are not the most modest. Tell +Achatz, my dear Johannes, how I am spoiled here. Am I not pleasantly +lodged? The adjoining room is my music-hall, and my reception-day is +always crowded. The attendance leaves me nothing to desire, seven maids +and waiting-women, whose united ages number more than five hundred +years; where should I ever find the like again? If you could stay +longer, you would be convinced that I am at least as well cared for +here as though I were living in a chapter, while I need not even wear +the veil and dress of the order, but can cut my garments according to +my own taste. Nevertheless, I thank you from my heart for your kind +intentions"--and as she spoke she kissed the young wife, whose blushes +followed each other in swift succession--"but, if you really must go +to-day, you must first see that your old cousin can offer her guests a +very tolerable cup of tea. First, however, I will take you over my +little kingdom, of whose orderly government I am so vain that the +sarcastic candidate is fond of calling me 'the queen of the +almshouse.'" + +She rose, tied her little black kerchief over her hair, and then drew +the young baroness' slender arm through hers. We men followed, and, +while Frau Luise, with sportive self-ridicule, pointed out all the +modest beauties of the building and its environs, and finally gathered +a bouquet for the bride in her little garden, my pupil (pardon the +slip) plucked up courage to beg me, in a whisper, to persuade his +cousin to accept his well-meant offer. Even if she herself was +satisfied with her humble position, it would place him and the whole +family in a bad light if it should be rumored that he had allowed his +nearest relative to live in an almshouse, and from considerations of +kinship she owed it to him and to herself to return to-- + +"My dear baron," I replied, "you overestimate my influence with your +cousin. She knows exactly what she owes to herself. But, if you speak +of family considerations, allow me to say, with all the freedom +warranted by my old acquaintance with you, that the occurrences during +your father's life-time must absolve Frau Luise before God and man from +any duty to her family. And now, pray, let us say no more about it. I +congratulate you sincerely upon your marriage. Your wife seems endowed +with every physical and mental gift that would have led your mother to +greet her joyfully as her son's wife, and love her most tenderly." + +The good fellow silently pressed my hand, and I saw his honest little +eyes sparkle. + +When we returned to the house--the lake and ivy-mantled chapel had +fairly enraptured the somewhat romantic young wife--we found the +tea-table set, a task for which Mother Schulzen, whose day it was, +possessed especial skill, and supplied with fresh bread, golden butter, +and a little cold meat. "The cups are not Sevres," said Frau Luise +in a jesting tone, "and, as I had more pressing wants than silver +table-ware, you must be content with pewter spoons and bone-handled +knives and forks. While I am making the tea, friend Johannes will give +you a proof of his greatest talent, which consists in buttering bread." + +She was so irresistibly charming in her quiet cheerfulness that the +young wife at last lost her embarrassment, and we four sat together for +an hour, talking in the gayest manner like old friends. When the time +for departure had come, the ladies affectionately embraced each other, +and promised to correspond regularly. The young baron kissed his +cousin's hand, but she embraced him with maternal tenderness, saying: +"I can not see the kind face you have inherited from your mother, +Achate, without remembering how often I kissed that saintly woman's +cheek. Now, farewell; remember me to old Liborius, and Krischan, too, +though he has become a drunkard, and, when you meet Leopoldine, tell +her that I should be very glad to see her again. But traveling is +uncomfortable for an old woman like myself; she must come to me." + + + * * * * * + + +This visit, which of course was much discussed in the little city, +greatly increased and strengthened the love and reverence my friend +enjoyed. It was considered greatly to her credit that she had resisted +the temptation to return to her aristocratic circle, and preferred the +humble almshouse to the proud castle. Mother Schulzen, of course, under +the pretext that she must be close at hand, had listened at the door, +and, though she usually declared herself to be hard of hearing, had not +lost a word of the conversation. + +From that time Frau Luise was secretly regarded as a sort of honorary +citizen of our town, and would have been cheerfully granted the most +jealously guarded privilege of citizenship, that of fishing in the +lake, had she displayed any love for angling. + +Yet she continued to live on in the unassuming manner previously +described, and, as she enjoyed perfect health, she compared, in her +droll way, her own condition with that of the little dismantled steamer +that lay anchored in the calm inland lake, resting comfortably from +every storm. + +But one more tempest burst over her, which threatened to shake even her +steadfast nature. + + + * * * * * + + +We had been permitted for three years to call her ours. Spring had come +again, but no March snow-flakes were fluttering through the air as in +the time when she arrived; the sun was shining brightly, and, as the +song says, the weather tempted one to walk. Still, though it was +Saturday afternoon and school had therefore been dismissed, I was +obliged to leave her earlier than usual, as I had taken charge of the +lessons in German for a sick colleague, and had a whole pile of +exercise-books to correct by Monday. + +I was sitting at my work again early Sunday morning, when a hurried +message, brought by one of the seven almshouse dames, startled me. I +must come at once to the Canoness--as her train preferred to call her. + +I could not learn what had happened from the messenger. It was not _her +day_, and she had not seen Frau Luise. + +When I entered, I was no little surprised to find her in bed for the +first time since I had known her. She tried to smile in order to soothe +me, but it was only like a fleeting sunbeam which instantly vanished +behind clouds of gloom. + +"My life is not threatened, dear friend," said she; "nay, I am not even +really ill--only so exhausted by mental emotion that, when I tried to +rise, I fell back again. Sit down and listen." + +She then related the horrible story. On the afternoon of the previous +day, as, lured by the beautiful sunshine, she continued her walk alone +as far as the lake, a wretched figure had suddenly confronted her, just +at the spot where a group of willows cast a dense shade. It was a man +with long, gray locks and a haggard, sunken face, holding his hat in +his hand with the gesture of a mendicant. Lost in thought, she had not +at first noticed him particularly, but felt in her pocket to throw alms +into his hat. Suddenly the beggar seized her hand, and, covering it +with passionate kisses, exclaimed: "Do you no longer know me, Luise?" + +The sudden fright fairly made her heart stop beating. She could not +move a limb, but, wrenching her hand from his grasp, stood staring at +him, as though the specter must dissolve into mist before her eyes. + +But unhappily it remained, tangible and audible, and the wife perceived +with horror the ruin time had wrought in the proud and stately man. +Absolutely unable to utter a word, she had been forced to listen to the +long, carefully-studied speech, in which the hapless actor gave her a +succinct account of his adventures and experiences in two hemispheres, +protested his eternal love and longing for his worshiped wife, and in +exaggerated theatrical phrases besought her forgiveness. + +Not until he paused and, panting for breath, again tried to take her +hand, did she recover sufficient self-control to retreat a step and +say, "We have parted forever." With these words she turned to leave +him. But he grasped her dress, and again began the litany of his +complaints, entreaties, and self-reproaches. Fearing that some person +might pass whom the desperate man would make a witness of this pathetic +scene, she imperiously commanded him to leave her at once, but inquire +for her in the evening at that house--she pointed to the almshouse. + +"And you did not inform me at once?" I interposed. + +"Why should I, dear friend? I knew what I had to do, and no one could +represent me. True, the hours before night closed in--the bitter and +anxious feelings seething in my soul, shame at the thought that I had +once imagined I loved this man, horror of his presence, and grief for +the downfall of a human being who had once been good and noble--you can +easily understand how all these things agitated me. But when he +entered, I had at least attained sufficient outward composure to tell +him my decision in curt, resolute words." + +"'You will swear,' I said, 'never to appear before my face again. +Your sins against me have long since been forgiven. You were like one +dead to me, and will be so once more as soon as the door has closed +between us. But you must remain unknown to others, and therefore must +agree never to mention your name here, and to leave this place early +to-morrow morning, not to return. The little I have saved I will give +you. But, if you rely on my weakness and ever again remind me of your +existence, either verbally or in writing, I will appeal to the +protection of the law, and use the right of self-defense. Here on the +table is the money. It will be enough to pay your passage to America. +What you do there is your own affair. I have made many sacrifices for +your sake; I will not allow you to ruin the last remnant of life and +peace I have won.' + +"Spare me the description of the scene the unfortunate man now +rehearsed," she continued. "Dragging himself to me on his knees, he +poured forth flatteries, curses on his evil destiny, imprecations on +the stupid world that leaves genius to languish--in short, he used the +whole stock of his pitiful theatrical arts. When he saw that he made no +impression upon me, he staggered to his feet, straightened his shabby +velvet coat, tossed back his thin locks, with a look into yonder little +mirror, and then cast a quick glance toward the table on which the +money lay. My loathing, especially as he diffused a horrible odor of +bad liquor, had grown so strong that I was afraid every moment of +fainting. Fortunately he speedily released me from his intolerable +presence. With a flood of high-sounding words, he swore to respect my +wish, until I myself changed, which he expected sooner or later from my +generous heart. Meantime he found himself compelled to accept one last +favor from me, of course only as a loan, which he would repay with +interest, when I had become convinced of his complete regeneration, and +recalled him to spend the evening of our lives in loving harmony, and +look back with a pitying smile on the storm and stress of our wandering +youth. + +"With these words he went to the table, put the money in his +breast-pocket, made a movement as if to take my hand, but, when I drew +back, cast a sorrowful glance heavenward, and with a low bow tottered +out of the room. + +"I listened to discover whether he really went away. Then, with +trembling hands, for I did not feel absolutely secure from a fresh +surprise, I bolted the door, and threw myself, utterly exhausted, upon +the bed. + +"I told myself that I could have pursued no other course--that his life +was not to be saved, even if I threw my own into the gulf of ruin after +it. Yet, my friend--the man whom I was forced to drive from my +threshold had once laid his hand in mine for an eternal union--and had +been the father of my beloved child. + +"I did not sleep quietly an hour. Every time the spring wind shook my +window and rattled the blind, I started up and listened to hear if he +was standing outside, rapping. And to-day I feel as though I were +paralyzed, and moreover have constantly before my eyes the piteous +figure of the poor, homeless man, and tremble at the thought of the woe +that may still be in store for us both." + +She then begged me to inquire whether he had been seen in the city, or +where he had gone. I soon brought her news that he had spent the night +at the "Crown Prince," did not enter the public-room, but ordered wine +and rum to be brought to him. He had not mentioned his name, and early +that morning--about eight o'clock--had departed as he came, on foot and +without luggage, after paying his bill and buying a bottle of brandy to +take with him. After giving the waiter a thaler for his fee, he turned +his steps toward the north. + +I succeeded in partially soothing her agitated mind. I spent nearly the +whole day with her, played some of her favorite melodies, and shared +the simple meal brought to her bed-side. When I at last went away, she +pressed my hand with a touching look of gratitude. "Don't forsake me, +dear friend," she said. "And do not think me an affected simpleton, +because I am lying here so helpless. I shall be in my place again +to-morrow. Only I will defer our spring concert"--she had been in the +habit of giving a musical entertainment, aided by her pupils, every +three months--"for a fortnight. I fear I should not be able to sing +with them now." + + + * * * * * + + +These words proved true, but not in the way she had meant. + +Her great strength of will soon roused her from the lethargy into which +the sad meeting with her husband had plunged her, and even on Monday +she gave her lessons as though nothing had occurred. But on Friday news +came that tore the old wounds open afresh. + +A few miles down the river, near a little village, a fisherman had +found, drifting in the water among the reeds, the body of a man with +long gray locks, dressed in a black-velvet coat. It must have been +there several days, for it was swollen and livid, like the corpses of +the drowned who do not instantly rise to the surface; besides, the +pocket-book containing his papers was completely sodden, and the +money in it spoiled by the water. In each of his two pockets he +carried a half-empty bottle. There could be no doubt that he had met +with his death while in a state of bewilderment, perhaps partial +unconsciousness. With the exception of an American passport bearing a +foreign name, nothing was found on him that could throw any light upon +his personal relations. + +Nevertheless the rumor spread with amazing celerity through the whole +neighborhood that the Canoness's missing husband had returned to find +his death in the waves of their native river. The burgomaster called on +Frau Luise to impart the sad news considerately. But the old gossips +who served her had anticipated him. + +I was with her when she received the visit of the father of the city. +"It is true," she said, "the man is my unfortunate husband. But do not +expect me to feign a grief I do not feel. That he sought death I do not +believe. He was supplied with money, and could indulge his sole +passion, which had stifled all his nobler feelings. His death was an +easy one, and now the poor restless wanderer has found repose. You can +not desire me to see him again. Have him buried as quietly as possible; +I will place a cross upon the grave at my own expense." Then, in a few +brief words, she told the worthy magistrate about her last interview +with the dead man. + +This occasion clearly revealed the love and esteem in which she was +held by the whole community, high and low. There was not a single +malicious gossip who molested her with a visit of feigned condolence, +while secretly gloating over the fact that the husband of this +much-lauded woman had met with a miserable end like any common +vagabond. On the contrary, all who could boast of her acquaintance +endeavored to show her by little attentions that the misfortune +of her life, which had here reached so tragical an end, had only made +them love and honor her the more. Not one of her pupils came to +take a singing-lesson without bringing a bunch of violets or early +lilies-of-the-valley, or a hyacinth raised at home, and no coffee-party +was given from which the hostess did not send her a plate of cakes, +which, it is true, only benefited the almshouse dames. Though Frau +Luise gratefully appreciated these discreet tokens of affection, she +was remarkably quiet and thoughtful. She wore no mourning robe, but her +soul seemed muffled in a black veil. + + + * * * * * + + +This mood was deepened by the death of the oldest of the almshouse +dames, a feeble crone of eighty-four, who had recently been unable to +perform her duties as attendant. During the last three days she was +unconscious, and her exhausted flame of life went out without a +flicker: When I spoke to my friend, who had not left her side, of this +easy death as something enviable, she shook her head gravely, and +replied: "I would prefer a different one, like my dear Uncle Joachim's. +I wish to be conscious when I am dying, to experience my own death, and +not, so to speak, steal out of the world behind my own back." + +She insisted that, at the burial in the almshouse church-yard--where +only the inmates of the almshouse were interred--her pupils should sing +a choral and Mendelssohn's "It is Appointed by God's Will," an honor +which had never before fallen to a poor woman's lot, so that some +wiseacres asserted she was overdoing the matter. But that did not +trouble her in the least. + +"When they bear me out some day," she said, as we returned from the +funeral, "see, dear friend, that I, too, find my last resting-place +yonder. I do not wish to be dragged through the whole city to the other +cemetery, with its pompous marble monuments. And place no cross on my +grave. I have borne it enough during my life; in death, let the earth +rest lightly on me. What I possess will go to my old guard; you must +attend to it, after first choosing some memento you value. Promise me +that! I have written my last will and given it to the burgomaster." + +These words could not specially disturb or sadden me. I saw her walking +by my side in the full vigor of life, and though, since the day she had +sustained such a fright, her hair had grown still more silvery, she +seemed, in her gentle melancholy, younger and fairer than ever. + +She was also even more affectionate and tender to all, including +myself. And, though I had already passed my fortieth year and ought to +have grown sensible, her mild words and the faint air of sadness that +surrounded her fanned the old flames I had with so much difficulty +subdued, and one evening they not only flashed from my eyes but darted +from my tongue. + +The heat for several days had been equal to that of summer, so we had +been weeding and watering the young plants in her garden. Then we sat +down side by side on the little bench, and I said: "Do you know, Frau +Luise, that this is the anniversary of the day on which, twenty years +ago, I first saw you?" + +She reflected a short time and then answered: "I have no memory for +dates. But I know one thing, Johannes: there has not been a single day +since then when I could have doubted you." + +While speaking, she gazed thoughtfully into vacancy, as if this great +truth were dawning upon her to-day for the first time. This gave me +some little encouragement. + +"Frau Luise," I continued, "that day seems to me like yesterday. And +not one has passed since then that I have not felt you are the dearest +creature in the world to me. But must we live on thus to the end, only +together a few hours, though we feel that we belong to each other? +You have long known my feelings. Can you not resolve to make the bond +that unites us still firmer, to grant me the right to lay my whole +insignificant self at your feet before the eyes of the world?" + +The words had leaped from my lips as if some one else had lured them +from my inmost soul, and I was startled at my boldness as I heard the +sound of my own voice. I dared not look at her. I felt, or thought I +felt, that she was forcing herself to keep calm and not rebuke my +presumption. After a long pause, she replied, in a voice whose tones +were sorrowful rather than indignant: + +"Why have you said this, Johannes? You ought to know me and be aware +that I have done with life. Do not suppose that the opinion of the +world would awe me, if I felt that I was still young enough to be happy +and make others happy. But I was probably never created to devote +myself with my whole heart to a single individual, as a true wife +ought. Even my unfortunate first love was but a delusion of my +imagination. I have every talent for friendship or for being a Sister +of Charity, and my most passionate feeling has ever been a fervent +sympathy with _pauvre humanite_, as Mademoiselle Suzon said. But you +would not wish to be married from compassion. + +"No," she continued, as I was about to protest, "it would be a cruel +pity. In a few years I should easily pass for your mother, and you +would cut a ridiculous figure in attending me through the streets. You +are still a young man and a very foolish one, as you have just proved. +Your heart must still possess a fountain of youth, though you are no +mere lad. Why don't you do me the favor to marry my Agnes, who is nine +and twenty, an epitome of every feminine virtue, and, moreover, in love +with you?" + +This Agnes was her favorite pupil, the daughter of the district +physician, and, as I lived opposite to her house, our names had already +been associated by the gossips. It was by no means humiliating to be +suspected of cherishing a special liking for this exemplary and by no +means ugly girl. But, Good Heavens, I! + +I could only shake my head and answer: "Why do I not love your Agnes? +Because I don't want to marry a bundle of virtues, but one human being, +and in fact only that one who in my eyes will always be young, and whom +I desire to call mine in order to please no mortal save myself. +However, as you have so little love for me that you would willingly +serve as a match-maker in my behalf, it was of course folly to ask if +you would become Frau Johannes Weissbrod, and I therefore most humbly +beg your pardon." + +I rose with an uncontrollable sense of grief, and, scarcely bowing to +her, stalked away like a thoroughly rude, defiant man. + +The next day, it is true, I returned humbly, and remorsefully besought +her to forgive my spiteful escapade. She was quite right; I was nothing +but a crack-brained young man who grasped at the stars, and in doing so +fell on the ground. Frau Luise gazed silently into vacancy, and then +said: "The most difficult task and the one we learn latest is to cut +our garments according to the cloth, though we feel it will grow with +us. Let us say no more about it." + +I did not exactly understand what she meant. It became clear to me +afterward. + + + * * * * * + + +We again lived on as before, and, after she had survived the spring +tempest, life seemed to become dear to her once more, though a slight +shadow rested on her brow. At Easter she gave her concert for the +benefit of the poor, which was a brilliant success. Her birthday came +just after Whitsuntide, and, in token of the love and gratitude of the +whole community, was to be celebrated with special pomp. I, of course, +began the festival with a morning serenade executed under her windows +by my pupils, after which she invited the whole choir in and treated +them to coffee and cakes. At ten o'clock the burgomaster's wife and her +most distinguished friends called, and attended her in a stately +procession down to the shore of the lake. There the greatest surprise +awaited her. The burgomaster had sent to Berlin several days before for +a machinist and some assistants to inspect the little steamer and put +her in safe condition to make an excursion over the mirror-like surface +of the lake. The boiler and engine were found to be still in tolerable +order, and a trial trip was taken at night whose result was perfectly +satisfactory. + +When we came down to the shore, the little vessel, gayly decked with +flags, hung with garlands of fir, and sending upward a light column of +smoke from its smokestack, looked extremely pretty and inviting; and +Frau Luise's eyes dilated with astonishment when she understood that +this smoke was floating from the stack, so long empty, in honor of her. +The burgomaster's wife and I led her across the long, swaying plank +that extended to the deck; but here she was so startled that she almost +made a misstep, for an exultant paean suddenly resounded with such +vehement, youthful energy from invisible throats that it was almost too +much for her composure. Her pupils had posted themselves behind a +canvas awning, which was afterward drawn over the deck as a protection +from the sun, and in the excitement of the moment were singing the +festal melody I had composed and arranged with more regard to the +feelings of their hearts than the rules of art, by which state of +affairs neither words nor music were especially enhanced. However, in +the open air and amid the general emotion, this modest overture +performed its part acceptably. Then the deck suddenly became thronged +with joyous, loving faces; and, when the anchor was weighed and the +little vessel swept with majestic calmness through the glittering +water, first along the shore and then across the lake to the little +grove, while the chorus of fresh young voices, now mindful of every +nicety of execution they owed to their mistress, began the superb air, +"Who has Thee, Forest Fair--" I saw the sweet face of the woman I loved +illumined with gentle, divine emotion, and was forced to turn away that +my tears might fall into the water unobserved. + +But all this was merely the prelude to the festival. The banquet was +served in the wood, where, in an open space under tall fir-trees, stood +a large table adorned with bouquets and covered with dishes, which had +been brought there early in the morning, and received the last dressing +over an improvised hearth by some experienced housekeepers. Under the +seat that had been arranged for the heroine of the day lay the gift her +young friends had prepared, a large rug for her room, the work of many +industrious hands, and as gayly adorned with the most beautiful +garlands of roses and arabesques of violets as provincial love could +accomplish. Still, here amid the green foliage and before the festal +board, the strange work of art with its glaring colors and grotesque +flourishes looked very bright, and each of the fellow-workers won from +the deeply agitated recipient a kiss and clasp of the hand. After this +we took our places at the table, and began the feast with the best +possible appetite. + +Of course, there was no lack of admirable speeches, merry clinking of +glasses, and frequent embraces between the feminine members of the +party, during which I played the part of envious spectator. I also +contributed my shred to the general eloquence by emptying my glass to +the health of the six almshouse dames, who were seated in holiday garb +at the table below, and imagined themselves in Paradise--never had they +dreamed of such honors and delights on earth. Their patroness, the +queen, had not even been obliged to stipulate that they were not to +remain at home. The givers of the festival knew that without her +faithful followers something would be lacking from the pleasures of the +day. + +Of course, the meal did not pass without singing, and, when we had +risen from the table and were enjoying a little rest on the moss-grown +soil of the wood, the young ladies walked arm in arm in little groups +along the dusky woodland-paths, raising their voices in an alternative +melody very sweet to hear. All sorts of games followed, in which, +however, the presence of young men was secretly missed. I was malicious +enough to remain with the mothers or talk with the six or seven fathers +who had joined the party, in order not to go near Agnes, whom my cruel +friend, as a punishment for my sins, desired to force upon me as a +wife. + +I saw that the long-continued festivity was wearying her, though she +exerted herself to acknowledge, with unvarying winsomeness, the efforts +made by these worthy people. I heard her cough, so I drew the +burgomaster's wife aside and persuaded her to give the signal for +departure. + +After some delay and discussion we all went on board the steamer again, +and, making a wide sweep around the lake, returned to our harbor. + +Frau Luise stood on deck in the bow of the vessel with several of her +favorite pupils near her; no one uttered a word. We were allowing the +memories of this delightful day to re-echo in our hearts. Her head was +turned toward the west, where the sun was slowly sinking, and her dear +face and tall figure were warmly illumined by the crimson glow. With +what a youthful light her eyes sparkled! The silvery luster of her hair +had vanished in the golden radiance. It seemed impossible to believe +that this woman had just celebrated her forty-fourth birthday. + +"Sing something!" said Agnes, who stood nearest. "Ah, yes, do sing!" +entreated the others. + +She did not seem to have heard them. Yet suddenly, as if in a dream, +she sang, _mezza voce_, an Italian air, an aria from Paesiello, of +which she was especially fond. And, as the steamer swept on into the +crimson light, the song rose clearer and stronger till she poured forth +the full power of her voice, whose every note must have been distinctly +audible on the shore. The whole company had gradually glided closer to +us, and I saw by their rapt faces how they were enjoying the foreign +beauty of the melody, whose words no one understood. Even the people on +the shore, peasants with their carts and solitary pedestrians, stopped +as if enchanted, and gazed at the black ship slowly dividing the waves +bearing a singing nixie on her deck. + +Then the vessel turned, and the sun was behind us. The aria was +finished, and the burgomaster had given the signal for applause, in +which all joined with great fervor. When silence was restored, and the +group waited for the singing to be resumed, she began, without waiting +to be asked, Beethoven's "Knows't thou the Land!" which she had +transposed to suit the deeper notes of her voice. "Mignon certainly had +an alto voice," she once jestingly said to me. Never had I heard her +sing it so superbly, never heard the "Thither! thither!" express such +strong, sweet, uncontrollable yearning. We reached the landing-place +just as the last notes died away. The burgomaster was so deeply moved +that he forgot to applaud, went to her, and, with tears in his honest +old eyes, bent, seized both hands, and faltered: "I thank you, I thank +you a thousand times, madame! This is the fairest day of my life! You +have made us all happy." + +She smiled and looked at me. "It was my swan song," she said. "I fear I +shall be obliged to give up singing. Just hear how hoarse this little +exertion has suddenly made me." + +I saw her shiver slightly, and hastened to wrap a shawl around her. +"Good-night, my dear friends," she said. "I owe you all thanks for a +pleasure never to be forgotten. Forgive me for taking my leave so +abruptly. But this was a little too much joy for an old woman who has +not deserved so much love and kindness. No, I am perfectly well; a +little rest will make me quite myself again. My beautiful rug must be +put in my room at once. I will feast my eyes on the lovely flowers and +think of the dear givers till I fall asleep." + +She then shook hands with every one. As I helped her across the plank +to the shore, I felt the difficulty she experienced in holding herself +erect. "It is nothing, dear friend," she whispered hoarsely. "My heart +is as light as a bird's, only my limbs are heavy. My good mother Grabow +shall put me to bed. Perhaps I took cold in the wood. But you know I am +like a cork figure, my head is always uppermost. Good-night." + + + * * * * * + + +I had by no means a good night. When, before school the next morning, I +inquired at the almshouse for Frau Luise, she was still asleep, that +is, she was lying in a feverish dream, raving incoherently without +recognizing any one. I spoke to the doctor, who had been already called +in the night. The old man had the thoughtful wrinkle between his bushy +eyebrows that always boded trouble. + +"But she is so strong and full of vital energy," I said. + +"The strongest constitutions fare the worst. But we can still hope, and +she could not be more carefully nursed if she were a princess." + +It was the same at noon. I spent the whole day with her, had a couch +made up for me in the music-room at night, and the following morning +sent a message to my friend the head teacher--who meantime had been +made superintendent of the school--requesting him to do me the favor to +take charge of my classes. I was unable to do my duty while my friend's +life was in danger. + +This lasted four, five days. The doctor shook his head more and more +despairingly. "I can give the disease no special name! It is a sort +of nervous fever, but in a very unusual form, and the ordinary remedies +do not avail. It is fortunate that she is unconscious. Only the +expression of pain on her face shows that she has a dull sense of the +life-and-death struggle raging in her frame." + +During those days it seemed as though the little almshouse had been +transferred to the heart of the city. Instead of being solitary and +deserted as usual, it was now constantly surrounded by a crowd of +persons of all ages and sexes, treading lightly with a sorrowful look +on their faces. They did not venture to ring the bell, and indeed it +was not necessary: one of the old dames was constantly cowering outside +of the door, and gave to all questions the same sad answer. When +prominent people came, I was obliged to go out and reply to the queries +myself. Every one thought it was a matter of course that I now belonged +to the household. + +Scarcely any change occurred in her critical condition, nothing save a +slight ebb and flow of the fever, a lower or louder intonation of the +voice, as she raved of the visions of her bewildered brain. Sometimes, +with wide-open eyes that rested on nothing, she repeated correctly and +distinctly a few lines from one of her husband's parts. Sometimes she +seemed to be talking with her son, and a happy smile that pierced me to +the heart flitted over her colorless lips. Sometimes she sang, but only +diatonic scales, and when her voice failed to reach the high notes she +shook her head mournfully, whispering: "Too high, too high! Trees must +not grow to the sky. Down! down! It is pleasant to dwell below." + +At such times I could not restrain my tears. + +But, on the fifth day, a crisis seemed imminent. The fever had lessened +several degrees; the old doctor's face, for the first time, wore a +hopeful look. + +He gave several directions, and promised to come in the next morning +earlier than usual. I could send home the young girls, who called at a +late hour to inquire, with a little hope, which, however, I did not +feel myself. Then I returned to my post. It was Mother Schulzen's turn +to keep watch that night, but she was so deaf that I could not trust +the invalid solely to her, though nothing would have induced her to go +to bed. She was sitting in a low chair by the wall, and, after keeping +herself awake for a while by knitting and taking snuff, at last fell +peacefully asleep. + +A lamp, protected by a green shade, was burning in the room; outside, +the moon was sailing through a cloudless sky; deep silence surrounded +us. Frau Luise had not uttered a word since noon, and for the first +time seemed to be quietly asleep. + +Suddenly--it was about ten o'clock--while I sat by the bed without +turning my eyes from her face, her eyes slowly opened and wandered +about the room with a strained gaze till they rested upon me. Then she +said, in a perfectly clear voice: "I feel wonderfully well!" + +After a pause, during which I scarcely ventured to breathe, as if the +slightest sound might drive the approaching convalescence away, she +murmured: "Are you here, dear friend? Have I slept long? How delightful +that I can see you as soon as I wake!" + +She moved her hand as if seeking something. I timidly clasped it, and +stooped to press my burning brow upon it. Just at that moment I felt +her other hand laid gently on my head, and, while stroking my hair, she +continued in the same calm voice: + +"My last hour is near, Johannes. But I am glad that I have waked once +more before the long night begins. I have something to say to you, my +friend. You know the tenor of my last will, and that I wish to be laid +in the church-yard outside with my old almshouse friends. If there is a +Day of Judgment, I would like to rise with my body-guard; they have +spoiled me; I could no longer do without their service. And let my +coffin be covered with the rug; afterward it shall belong to you. Do +you hear me? Come a little nearer. What I now have to say is to be a +secret between us two. I deceived you when I told you, a short time +ago, that I was not created to see the universe in a single individual. +It cost me no little effort, for my heart belied my lips. I should have +been very happy if I could have become your wife. I knew that long, +long ago--ever since the day you took our Joachimchen in your arms when +he grew weary and carried him home, I said to myself: 'Could I possess +this child and this man, no wish would remain ungratified.' But it +might not be. I was obliged to bury the child and hide my love for the +man in the inmost depths of my heart. But it always lived on there, and +now I can thank you, Johannes, for all the love and faith you have +lavished upon me. Lift my head a little--there--I want to see you +clearly once more, and--it is strange--my eyes are so heavy, though my +soul is awake." + +I helped her rise higher on her pillows, bowed my face nearer hers, and +saw her eyes fixed on me with strange brilliancy. + +"I love you, my friend," she said. "There is not one false line in your +face nor in your heart, but a great sorrow now fills both. Be happy, +dear one, and remember your friend without tears. Shall I not remain +with you, wherever I go? True, to see each other again--" She slowly +shook her head. "Ah, if I might only see you and my boy--but the other +masks--no, no! We have eaten at the table of life here below till we +are satisfied--or rather, we are wise and stop just when the food +tastes best; now others will sit in our chairs. But we will first +cordially wish each other 'a good appetite!' Come! kiss me once, just +as a loving husband kisses his beloved wife--then I will stretch myself +out and take my afternoon rest." + +My quivering lips touched her cool mouth. "Dear Johannes!" she +murmured, clasping my hand tightly as she fell back on the pillows. +Then she smiled once more, an unearthly smile, and closed her eyes. Her +hand trembled a little. + +An hour after it lay cold and still in mine. + + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[Footnote 1: Bunzlau is famed for its pottery.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 2: A round hole in a tailor's table, through which he brushes +useless bits of cloth, and--as is generally supposed--some that are +valuable.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 3: An old coin, worth a little more than the groschen now in +general use; for a time both circulated together.--Tr.] + +[Footnote 4: The bug-bear of German nurseries.--Tr.] + + + + THE END. + + + + + + + _D. APPLETON & CO.'S PUBLICATIONS_. + + + * * * * * + + + PAUL HEYSE'S NOVELS. + + +THE ROMANCE OF THE CANONESS. A LIFE-HISTORY. By Paul Heyse, author of +"In Paradise," etc. Translated from the German by J. M. Percival. 12mo. +Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + + +IN PARADISE. A NOVEL. From the German of Paul Heyse. A new edition. In +two vols. 12mo, half bound (in boards, with red cloth backs and paper +sides). Price, for the two vols., $1.50. + +"We may call 'In Paradise' a great novel with the utmost confidence in +our judgment of it."--_N. Y. Evening Post_. + + +TALES OF PAUL HEYSE. 16mo. Paper, 25 cents; cloth, 60 cents. + + + * * * * * + + +ARIUS THE LIBYAN: AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH. A new edition in new +style, at a reduced price. 12mo, cloth. $1.25. + +"Arius the Libyan" is a stirring and vivid picture of the Christian +Church in the latter part of the third and beginning of the fourth +century. It is an admirable companion volume to General Wallace's "Ben +Hur." + +"Portrays the life and character of the primitive Christians with great +force and vividness of imagination."--_Harper's Magazine_. + + + * * * * * + + S. BARING-GOULD'S NOVELS. + + +RED SPIDER. A NOVEL. 12mo, paper. 60 cents. + +"A well-told and neatly-contrived story, with several excellent figures +exhibiting broad traits of human character with vivacity and +distinctness."--_London Athenaeum_. + + +LITTLE TU'PENNY. A TALE. 12mo, paper. 25 cents. + +This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the _London +Graphic_, appearing here in advance of its completion in London. + + +GABRIELLE ANDRE. 8vo, paper. 60 cents. + + + * * * * * + +THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND. A NOVEL. By Maxwell Grey. 12mo, paper. 50 +cents. + +"The Silence of Dean Maitland" is by a new English author who gives +promise in this striking story of a brilliant future. It is a novel of +a high intellectual order, strong in plot and character. + + +A GAME OF CHANCE. A NOVEL. By Anne Sheldon Coombs, author of "As Common +Mortals." 12mo. Cloth, $1.00. + +"A Game of Chance," by Mrs. Coombs, will, in its fresh and vigorous +character drawing, and its fidelity to American life, fully justify the +expectations awakened by her first novel, "As Common Mortals." + + +IN THE GOLDEN DAYS. A NOVEL. By Edna Lyall, author of "Donovan," "We +Two," "Won by Waiting," "Knight-Errant." A new edition, uniform with +the author's other books. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"'In the Golden Days' is an excellent novel of a kind we are always +particularly glad to recommend. It has a good foundation of plot and +incident, a thoroughly noble and wholesome motive, a hero who really +acts and suffers heroically, and two very nice heroines. The historical +background is very carefully indicated, but is never allowed to become +more than background."--_Guardian_. + +ARIUS THE LIBYAN; AN IDYL OF THE PRIMITIVE + +CHURCH. _A new edition in new style, at a reduced price_. 12mo. Cloth, +$1.25. + +"Arius the Libyan" is a stirring and vivid picture of the Christian +Church in the latter part of the third and beginning of the fourth +century. It is an admirable companion volume to General Wallace's +"Ben Hur." + + +A DATELESS BARGAIN. A NOVEL. By C. L. Pirkis, author of "Judith Wynne," +etc. 12mo. Paper cover, 30 cents. + +"A clever and interesting novel."--_London Literary World_. + +"Mrs. Pirkis has supplied fresh proof of her skill in turning out very +good and workmanlike fiction."--_Academy_. + + +TEMPEST-DRIVEN. A ROMANCE. By Richard Dowling. 12mo. Paper cover, 50 +cents. + + +THE GREAT HESPER. A ROMANCE. By Frank Barrett. 12mo. Paper cover, 25 +cents. + +"Two of the scenes of this tale can lay claim to more power than +anything of the kind that has yet been written."--_London Post_. + + +DICK'S WANDERING. A NOVEL. By Julian Sturgis, author of "John +Maidment," "An Accomplished Gentleman," etc. _A new edition_. 12mo. +Paper cover, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + + +MISS CHURCHILL: A STUDY. By Christian Reid, author of "A Daughter of +Bohemia," "Morton House," "Bonny Kate," etc., etc. 12mo. Cloth, $1.00; +paper, 50 cents. + +The author calls "Miss Churchill" _a study_, for the reason that it +consists so largely of a study of character; but there is no little +variety of scene in the story, the action taking place partly in the +South and partly in Europe, while the experiences and vicissitudes of +the heroine are of great interest. The contrasts of place and character +make it a very vivid picture. + + +THE MASTER OF THE CEREMONIES. A NOVEL. By George Manville Fenn, author +of "Double Cunning," etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +"The interest in the plot is skillfully kept up to the +end."--_Academy_. + +"The story is very interesting."--_Athenaeum_. + + +LIL LORIMER. A NOVEL. By Theo Gift, author of "Pretty Miss Bellew," +etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 15 cents. + +Lil Lorimer, the heroine of this novel, is a character marked by many +individual and fascinating qualities, and enlists the sympathies of the +reader to an unusual degree. The action of the story takes place partly +in South America, with an English family residing there, affording some +fresh and striking pictures of life. + + +IN ONE TOWN. A NOVEL. By Edmund Downey. 12mo. Paper, 25 cents. + +"A story of unusual merit; by turns romantic, pathetic, and +humorous."--_Westminster Review_. + + +A ZEALOT IN TULLE. A NOVEL. By Mrs. Wildrick. 12mo. Cloth, $1.00; +paper, 50 cents. + +The scenes of "A Zealot in Tulle" are laid in Florida, the introductory +part in Florida of seventy years ago; the main story in Florida of +to-day. The plot turns mainly upon romantic incidents connected with a +treasure buried in an old fort by the Spaniards at the time of their +occupancy. + + +THE WITCHING TIME: TALES FOR THE YEAR'S END. By F. Marion Crawford, W. +E. Norris, Laurence Alma Tadema, Vernon Lee, Edmund Gosse, and others. +Uniform with "The Broken Shaft." 12mo. Paper cover, 25 cents. + + +KATY OF CATOCTIN; or, The Chain-Breakers. A National Romance. By Geo. +Alfred Townsend, "Gath." 12mo, cloth, $1.50. + +"Katy of Catoctin," now just published, is a stirring national romance, +opening with the raid of John Brown at Harper's Ferry and closing with +the death of Lincoln. It is a picturesque and romantic story, partly +historical and partly domestic, full of dramatic incidents, and marked +by vivid delineations of character. + + +THE SILENCE OF DEAN MAITLAND. A Novel. By Maxwell Grey. 12mo, paper, 50 +cents. + +"The Silence of Dean Maitland" is by a new English author who gives +promise in this striking story of a brilliant future. It is a novel of +a high intellectual order, strong in plot and character. + +"Distinctly the novel of the year."--_Academy_. + +"The work of a literary artist of great promise. It is a brilliantly +written novel, but it is more than a novel. It is a work of exceptional +dramatic power, and is both rich in melodramatic incident and +spectacle, and has in it the essence of the noblest kind of tragedy.... +It is full of thrilling incident, powerful description, and scenes of +most moving pathos."--_Scotsman_. + + +LITTLE TU'PENNY. A Tale. By S. Baring Gould. 12mo, paper. New +Twenty-five Cent Series. + +This charming novelette is reprinted by arrangement from the _London +Graphic_, appearing here in advance of its completion in London. + + +DR. HEIDENHOFF'S PROCESS. A Tale. By Edward Bellamy. New edition, 12mo, +paper, 25 cents. + +"It might have been written by Edgar Poe."--_The London Spectator_. + +"Unlike any story we have seen, perfectly original and new."--_London +Daily News_. + + +DEAR LIFE, A Novel. By J. E. Panton, author of "Jane Caldicott," "The +Curate's Wife," etc. 12mo, paper cover, 25 cents. + +"A good, strong story, well worked out, and told in straightforward +fashion.... The fundamental idea of Mr. Panton's plot is +novel."--_London Saturday Review_. + + +PEPITA XIMENEZ. A Novel. From the Spanish of Juan Valera. With an +introduction by the author written specially for this edition. 12mo. +Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +Senor Don Juan Valera, recently Spanish minister to our Government, is +recognized as the most prominent literary man of the time in Spain. He +is the author of some eight or ten novels, the most recent and +successful of which is "Pepita Ximenez," which has appeared in eight +editions in Spain, and been translated into German, French, Italian, +and Bohemian. Nothing more charming has appeared in recent literature. + + +A POLITICIAN'S DAUGHTER. A Novel. By Myra Sawyer Hamlin. 12mo. Half +bound, 75 cents. + +"A Politician's Daughter" is a bright, vivacious novel, based on a more +than usual knowledge of American social and political life. + + +ALIETTE (La Morte). By Octave Feuillet, author of "The Romance of a +Poor Young Man," etc. 12mo. Paper, 50 cents; half bound, 75 cents. + +"There is no sort of doubt that M. Octave Feuillet has produced a +little book of immense power, in which the sketches of character are as +vivid as if he had had no moral after-thought in his work."--_London +Spectator_. + +"Nobody can deny that M. Feuillet has made a very strong hit in 'La +Morte.' ... Altogether the machinery of the novel is excellent and the +interest admirably sustained."--_London Saturday Review_. + +"The development of the characters is most skillful, and while the +journal form into which the beginning and end are thrown Imposes +special difficulties upon the author, there is no loss of power in +these parts. Perhaps the most subtile thing in the book is the +exposition, in the contrasted characters of Dr. Tallevaut and Sabine, +of the two ways in which the modern scientific education may operate; +and of the radical difference in the effect of such teaching upon one +whose mind has been formed under religious influences and one whose +growing intellect has been carefully guarded against all spiritual +beliefs and doctrines. The figure of Aliette is the least strongly +drawn, yet she is perfectly intelligible. Sabine is startling, and will +no doubt be called unnatural, but it would be unreasonable to Bay that +a girl with such a temperament, so educated, might not grow into such a +woman."--_New York Tribune_. + +"Merit of a most unusual kind."--_London Athenaeum_. + + +THE DIARY OF A WOMAN. By Octave Feuillet. 16mo. Paper, 25 cents; cloth, +60 cents. + + +WON BY WAITING. A Novel. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"The Dean's daughters are perfectly real characters--the learned +Cornelia especially; the little impulsive French heroine, who endures +their cold hospitality and at last wins their affection, is thoroughly +charming; while throughout the book there runs a golden thread of pure +brotherly and sisterly love, which pleasantly reminds us that the +making and marring of marriage is not, after all, the sum total of real +life."--_London Academy_. + + +WE TWO. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"Well written and full of interest. The story abounds with a good many +light touches, and is certainly far from lacking in incident."--_London +Times_. + +"'We Two' contains many very exciting passages and a great deal of +information. Miss Lyall is a capable writer of fiction, and also a +clear-headed thinker."--_From the Athenaeum_. + +"We recommend all novel-readers to read this novel with the care +which such a strong, uncommon, and thoughtful book demands and +deserves."--_From the Spectator_. + + +DONOVAN; A MODERN ENGLISHMAN. By Edna Lyall. 12mo. Cloth, $1.50. + +"Distinctly a novel with a high aim successfully attained. The +character-drawing is vigorous and truthful."--_Pall Mall Gazette_. + +"This story is told with vigor and Intelligence, and throughout the +book is well imagined and well written. It is a novel of sterling +merit, being fresh and original In conception, thoroughly healthy +in tone, interesting in detail, and sincere and capable in +execution."--_From the Academy_. + + +THE ALIENS. A Novel. By Henry F. Keenan, author of "Trajan," etc. 12mo. +Cloth, $1.25. + +"The Aliens "is a stirring, picturesque romance, depicting life and +character in strong contrasts, and marked by an affluent and vivid +style. The scene of the story is laid in the western part of the State +of New York, about fifty years ago--the events coming down to the time +of the Mexican War. + +"He colors richly, warmly, and with the dash of an artist; ... and his +characters grow, and are not manufactured; ... the freshest and most +readable American novel of the season."--_Philadelphia Bulletin_. + +"The prevailing merit of the story is the vivid sense of reality which +the writer gives to scenes and characters; ... above all things, +interesting."--_Rochester Post-Express_. + +"Not second to 'Trajan' in character-painting, felicity of diction, +well-managed conversations, pathos, and humor."--_Journal of Commerce_. + +"Thoroughly interesting in plot, and told with equal skill and +animation."--_Boston Gazette_. + + + * * * * * + New York: D. 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