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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Haunted Pajamas, by Francis Perry Elliott
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Haunted Pajamas
+
+Author: Francis Perry Elliott
+
+Illustrator: Edmund Frederick
+
+Release Date: September 20, 2010 [EBook #33780]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Suzanne Shell, Mary Meehan and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                        THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
+
+                      BY FRANCIS PERRY ELLIOTT
+
+
+WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
+EDMUND FREDERICK
+
+NEW YORK
+GROSSET & DUNLAP
+PUBLISHERS
+
+Copyright 1911
+The Bobbs-Merrill Company
+
+TO
+MY WINIFRED
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+I A PRESENT FROM CHINA
+
+II AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY
+
+III I DON THE PAJAMAS
+
+IV JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON
+
+V THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE
+
+VI ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY
+
+VII CONFIDENCES
+
+VIII HER BROTHER JACK
+
+IX AN AMAZING REVELATION
+
+X A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION
+
+XI IRON NERVE
+
+XII I SEND A MAN TO JAIL
+
+XIII FRANCES
+
+XIV "YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK"
+
+XV BILLINGS' SYMPTOMS ALARM ME
+
+XVI AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY
+
+XVII THE PROFESSOR
+
+XVIII I RECEIVE A SHOCK
+
+XIX THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS
+
+XX BILLINGS RAMBLES
+
+XXI THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS
+
+XXII MY DARLING IS SLANDERED
+
+XXIII A MESSAGE AND A WARNING
+
+XXIV I SPEAK TO HER FATHER
+
+XXV THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP
+
+XXVI FLORA
+
+XXVII I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS
+
+XXVIII "IF I EVER FIND A MAN!"
+
+XXIX "BECAUSE YOU--ARE YOU"
+
+XXX THE JUDGE FIXES "FOXY GRANDPA"
+
+XXXI THE DEMON RUM
+
+XXXII I TOUCH BOTTOM
+
+XXXIII UNDER THE PERGOLA
+
+XXXIV THE CUB
+
+XXXV IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES
+
+
+
+
+THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+A PRESENT FROM CHINA
+
+
+It was the first thing I saw that night as I swung into my chambers.
+Fact is, for the moment, it was the only thing I saw. Somehow, its
+splash of yellow there under the shaded lamp seemed to catch my eye and
+hold it.
+
+I screwed my glass tight and examined the thing with interest. Nothing
+remarkable; just a tiny, oblong package, bearing curious foreign
+markings, its wrapper plainly addressed to me, but--
+
+"By Jove! From China!" I ejaculated.
+
+Somebody in far-off China sending me a present, with duties and charges
+prepaid evidently.
+
+What the deuce was it? I shook it without getting any revelation; then I
+weighed it in my hand.
+
+The thing was devilish light! In fact, so light that, allowing for
+outside wrapper and box, dashed if I could see how there was anything at
+all.
+
+Then I had an awful thought: Suppose, by Jove, they had forgotten to
+inclose the thing--whatever it was! Jolly tiresome, that, if they had. I
+felt devilish annoyed.
+
+Really, awfully provoking to do that sort of thing, you know; and I was
+jolly sure now the dashed thing had been wrapped up empty. I wondered
+what silly ass I knew in China who would be likely to do a thing like
+that. I couldn't think of any one at all I knew in China, so I rang for
+Jenkins.
+
+"Anybody I know in China, Jenkins?" I asked. And to help him out, I
+added: "Fact is, some chap's sent me a package, you know."
+
+"Name on box, sir, perhaps." Said it offhand, just like that--no trouble
+of thinking, dash it all--never even blinked. Just instinct, by Jove!
+
+And there it was, nicely printed in the corner with a pen:
+
+     ROLAND MASTERMANN, GOVERNMENT HOUSE, HONG KONG, CHINA
+
+I read it aloud--can't read anything, you know, unless I read it
+aloud--and looked at Jenkins inquiringly. But he came right up to the
+scratch; just seemed to get it from somewhere right out of the wall over
+my head:
+
+"Beg pardon, sir; but think it's that London gentleman--entertained you
+at the Carlton when you were over the other side."
+
+Mastermann! By Jove, so it was--I began to remember him now, because I
+remembered his dinner, several of them, in fact, during the three years
+I had lived over there, acquiring the English accent--manner, you
+know--and all that sort of thing!
+
+Mastermann--oh, yes, I had him, now! Jolly rum old boy, but entertaining
+and clever--long hair, pink wart on jaw! And, by Jove, I had promised
+him--promised him--what the deuce _was_ it I had promised him? Let me
+see: he was something or other in the foreign office; yes, I had
+that--and tremendously interested in mummies and psychical investigation
+and rum sort of things like that, and--
+
+"By Jove!" I ejaculated, as it came to me. "And for that reason he
+wanted them to send him out to China."
+
+"Beg pardon, sir," put in Jenkins, "but think you had a letter with a
+Chinese postmark last week."
+
+He looked around at my little writing-desk and coughed slightly behind
+his hand.
+
+"Was just a-wondering, sir, if it might not be among those you haven't
+opened--there are several piles. If I might look, sir--"
+
+I nodded. Fact is, I allow Jenkins much privilege, owing to long
+service. Then, you know--oh, dash it, he's so original--so refreshing
+and that sort of thing--so surprising. Just as in this case, he thinks
+of so many devilishly ingenious, out-of-the-way sort of things!
+
+It was Jenkins' idea that I find out what was in the box by just
+_opening_ the dashed thing while he looked for the letter.
+
+Clever that, eh? Well, rather!
+
+So I unsheathed my little pocket manicure knife, cut the strings and
+removed the wrapper. Inside was just a little, straw-covered box with a
+telescope cover and inside the box, wrapped in tissue, was a tight roll
+of bright red silk.
+
+That was all--not another thing but this little silk roll. It was a wad
+as thick as three fingers and perhaps twice as long, tied with a bit of
+common string, ending in a loose bowknot.
+
+I gripped my glass a bit tighter in my eye and took a long shot at the
+thing. But dashed if I could make anything out of it at all. You see,
+the string went around it at least three or four times. Such a devilish
+secretive way to fix a thing, don't you think?
+
+A queer, sweet, spicy sort of odor swept past me that reminded me of the
+atmosphere at Santine's and places in the Metropolitan Art Museum. I sat
+down, the better to think it over, turning the little roll in my hand
+and trying to think of all the things it might be.
+
+"Looks like it might be a red silk muffler, Jenkins," I exclaimed in
+disgust. By Jove, I was never so devilish disappointed in my
+life--never--I'm sure of it! If I had been a girl I should have
+cried--dash it, I know I should.
+
+I pinched the roll gloomily.
+
+"If it's a red silk muffler, Jenkins, catch me wearing it, that's all!"
+I burst out indignantly. "Rotten bad form, if you ask _me_. I'd look
+like an out-and-out bounder!"
+
+Then I had a horrible thought:
+
+"Or--or the Salvation Army, dash it!"
+
+Here Jenkins thrust a letter at me. "Perhaps this may explain it, sir,"
+he suggested.
+
+Sure enough, it was from Hong Kong, and from that chap, Mastermann. Out
+there on special mission for his government, he said. I don't know what
+it was--never did know, in fact, for I skipped down to this paragraph,
+which I read aloud:
+
+     "Every puff of those rare cigars you sent me has but reminded
+     me that my debt to you is still unpaid."
+
+I read thus far; then I read it again. But I could make nothing of it.
+
+"Cigars--cigars?" I exclaimed, puzzled.
+
+Then I forgot the letter as I stared at Jenkins.
+
+"And what's the matter with _you_?" I demanded.
+
+For I had caught him with his hand over his mouth, obviously trying to
+suppress a chuckle. He sobered instantly, but seemed embarrassed for a
+reply.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know!" I urged him.
+
+He started to speak, then pulled up. His breath went out in a sort of
+sigh. And he just stood there looking at me, and looking kind of scared.
+
+Fact! Perfectly irreproachable service for five years; and now here,
+dash it, showing emotion and that sort of thing, just like--well, like
+_people_, by Jove! Gad, I don't mind saying I was devilish put out! I
+screwed my glass rather severely and he made another go:
+
+"I hope, Mr. Lightnut, sir, you'll try to pardon me, sir, but I--Well,
+indeed, sir, the mistake wasn't mine; it was the dealer's fault, you
+know, sir."
+
+"Oh!"
+
+I stared, polished my glass and nodded. I even chirped up a smile, but I
+didn't utter a word. Dash it, what _was_ there to say? But you mustn't
+let _them_ know that, you know. So I just waited, and he squirmed a
+little and went on:
+
+"It was too late after he told me about the mistake; and I was--well, I
+was afraid to mention it to you, sir."
+
+"Mistake! What mistake?"
+
+He gulped; dashed if I didn't think he was going to choke.
+
+"I--I'm sure, sir, I wouldn't have had such a thing happen for--"
+
+
+I could stand it no longer.
+
+"Oh, I say! I haven't any idea what you're talking about!"
+
+Jenkins cleared his throat with an effort, his eyes rolling at me
+apologetically. When he spoke there was a tremble in his utterance, and
+it was rather husky:
+
+"Why, sir," he began in a low tone, "you told me to have your dealer
+ship this gentleman, this Mr. Mastermann, a dozen boxes of Paloma
+perfectos--your favorite brand, you know, sir--ninety dollars the
+hundred."
+
+He paused, his fingers resting tremblingly on the edge of the table.
+
+"I dare say," I yawned presently. "Well, what of it?" I was getting
+impatient. By Jove, he was making me downright nervous, don't you know!
+Besides, I was so devilish anxious to get on with Mastermann's letter. I
+wanted to find out, if possible, what it was the fellow had sent me.
+
+Jenkins breathed hard and leaned toward me. Then he seemed to flunk
+again and dropped back. Dashed if I didn't think I heard him groan! But
+I stared at him through my glass, and he swallowed hard and went on:
+
+"An error, sir, of the shipping clerk. He--"
+
+With a murmured apology, Jenkins paused to wipe his forehead. I saw that
+the perspiration had gathered in great drops. Then he seemed to gather
+himself for a resolute effort, his eyes fixing themselves upon me with
+the most extraordinary expression--kind of half-frightened,
+half-desperate glare--that sort of thing, don't you know. I began to
+feel devilish uncomfortable and edged away.
+
+And he made another plunge: "They sent him--"
+
+And, dash me if he didn't stick again! It just looked like he couldn't
+get past. But I encouraged him--just like you have to do a horse, you
+know--and this time he got over:
+
+"They sent him a dozen boxes of 'Hickey's Pride,' sir, instead!"
+
+He spoke in a low, choking voice and looked me full in the eye--the kind
+of look you get when a chap's boxing with you, you know--that sort of
+thing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY
+
+
+I was puzzled.
+
+"'Hickey's Pride?'" I repeated thoughtfully. "I don't seem to recall
+that one. Do I smoke it often?"
+
+Jenkins seemed to gasp.
+
+"You? Certainly _not_, sir! _Never!_"
+
+And, by Jove, he turned pale! Anyhow, he looked devilish queer as he put
+his hands down on the table and bent to whisper:
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir--" And the way he dropped his voice and turned his
+head to peer around into the corners was just creepy! That's what,
+creepy! This, with the glow from the green lampshade on his pale face as
+he leaned across the table--oh, it was something ghastly--awful, you
+know! It got on my nerves, and I could feel the hair slowly rising on
+each side of my part. He bent close, whispering behind his hand, and I
+knew he had been eating radishes for dinner:
+
+"It's what's known in the trade, sir, as a 'twofer.'"
+
+"A 'twofer!'" I repeated, puzzled.
+
+"Two for five, sir." Jenkins spoke faintly. "I'm sure I'm ashamed to
+mention to a perfect gen--"
+
+"By Jove, _I_ know!" I lifted my finger suddenly. "I know now the kind
+you mean--big, fat, greasy-looking ones--the sort Vanderdecker and
+Colonel Boylston smoke over at the club." I shook my head. "Too jolly
+thick and heavy for me. So they're two for a 'V'--eh? Oh, I
+_see_--'twofers!' By Jove!"
+
+A brand new one, this--a ripper! I made up my mind to spring it on the
+fellows first chance--that is, if I could remember the jolly thing. I
+just looked at Jenkins' solemn face and laughed.
+
+"Oh, I say, Jenkins--hang the expense, you know!" I remonstrated in some
+disgust. For this London chap had given me no end of a good time, you
+know; and it's such devilish bad form--rotten, I say--haggling about
+expense when you want to make a come-back and do the handsome. I was
+jolly glad the mistake had happened.
+
+Just here I remembered the letter and went at it again, for I was keen
+to find out, if possible, if it _was_ a muffler under the string. So I
+fixed my glass and read on:
+
+     "Realizing what these cigars are, I have given them, from time
+     to time, to friends of mine--and others. Really, I don't think
+     I ever had such unselfish, unalloyed pleasure from anything in
+     my life. Gave one to a bus driver out Earl's Court way--chap
+     who had never been known to speak to man, woman or child in
+     years, and, after he lighted it--well, my word! He opened up
+     and grew so bally loquacious I had to get off."
+
+"By Jove!" I exclaimed.
+
+I felt real pleased--that kind of fizzy glow--sort of
+bubbling-champagney-feeling you get, you know, whenever a friend does
+some clever, unexpected thing--like repaying a loan, for instance. Know
+about that, because I had it happen to me once. Fact!
+
+"See that, Jenkins?" I said with a little triumph.
+
+I wanted to reassure him, for I could see with half an eye that the poor
+fellow was devilish plucked about the expense. And Jenkins certainly
+looked regularly bowled over.
+
+I read on:
+
+     "Had been trying to get Jorgins, my chief, to send me out here
+     again to China, but he was ever finding some cold, beastly
+     evasion. But when your package came to the office, the first
+     thing I did after I had tried the cigars was to hand the old
+     iceberg a box with my compliments.
+
+     "Five minutes after, he came back, completely thawed out. Fact
+     is, never saw him so warm toward any one. Asked me if the other
+     boxes were to be given away outside. Said no; that his was the
+     only box I could spare; was going to keep 'em all there at the
+     office and smoke 'em myself. Never saw a man so moved--so
+     worked up over a little thing. Next day he sent me out here to
+     China."
+
+"Coals of fire!" I ejaculated admiringly. "Regular out-and-out coals of
+fire, by Jove!"
+
+     "And so I have been looking about since I have been out here,
+     trying to find something as rare, unique and full of surprises
+     for your friends as your cigars have been for mine. I have
+     found it."
+
+"And devilish handsome of him, Jenkins, eh?" I commented gratefully; and
+I looked with renewed interest at the little roll in my hand. Jove, how
+I wished, though, he would come to the point and say what it was!
+
+     "You know what a curiously upside-down people the Chinese are.
+     Example, they begin dinner with desert and end with soup; they
+     drink hot, acid beverages in summer instead of iced ones; they
+     write from right to left, vertically, while we write from left
+     to right, horizontally; they mourn in white instead of black,
+     and they are awfully honest and pay their debts.
+
+     "But there is one other point of difference still queerer: they
+     wear pajamas all day, while we wear them only at night."
+
+Here I yawned. Always hate that heavy, historical, instructive stuff,
+you know. If you have to hear it, gives you headache, unless you can
+slip off to sleep first.
+
+So I reached the letter up to Jenkins.
+
+"Just run over the rest of it yourself, and see if he says anything
+about his present," I said, settling comfortably. Clever idea of mine,
+don't you think?
+
+And I was just dropping my head to have a snug little nap--just a little
+forty, you know--when, dash me, if I didn't have another idea! Awfully
+annoying, time like that.
+
+Mind is so devilish alert, dash it! Always doing things like that; can't
+seem to get over it, you know. And this ripping idea that bobbed up now
+and got me all roused up was nothing more or less than to untie the
+string myself and see what the thing was. See?
+
+"I believe, sir," said Jenkins, looking up, "the gentleman has sent
+you--h'm--has sent you--"
+
+"By Jove, a suit of pajamas!" I exclaimed, holding them up.
+
+It was neck and neck, but I beat Jenkins to it, after all!
+
+"Gentleman says, sir," continued Jenkins, studying the letter, "that his
+present of a pair of pajamas may seem surprising, but you won't know how
+surprising until you have worn them."
+
+"Jolly likely," I admitted, feeling the silk. By Jove, it was the
+finest, yet thinnest stuff I ever saw, soft as rose leaves and as filmy
+light as a spider's web. Not bad, that, for a comparison, eh? Caught the
+idea from a vase of full-blown roses that were beginning to shed their
+petals there on the table. And on one of the blossoms was a little brown
+spider. Catch the idea? Suggested spider's web, you know.
+
+"They're rather red, sir," Jenkins commented dubiously.
+
+Red? Well, I should say! My! How jolly red they were! We spread them
+under the light, and the red seemed to flow all over the table and fall
+from the edge. Why, they were as red as--
+
+I tried to think of something they were as red as, but somehow I
+couldn't fetch the idea. I thought of red ink and blood and fireworks,
+but they didn't seem to be up to them at all. And a big, velvety petal
+that dropped from one of the crimson roses just seemed brown beside
+them.
+
+And yet, dash it, I knew they reminded me of something, you know; I knew
+they _must_.
+
+"They remind me--" I began, and had to pause--idea balked, you know.
+"They remind me of--of--Jenkins, what do they remind me of?"
+
+"Of _him_, sir," replied Jenkins promptly.
+
+"Eh?"
+
+"Old Memphis Tuffles, sir," explained Jenkins darkly. "I saw him once in
+a opera, and he was that red."
+
+"By Jove!" I said thoughtfully, and fell to watching the little spider.
+It was dropping a life-line or something down to the pajamas.
+
+"But they say he ain't always red," Jenkins continued mysteriously. "A
+lady as is in the palmistry and card-reading line in Forty-second Street
+told me he turned black whenever he got down to business. Do you suppose
+that's where they get the idea of what they call black magic, sir?"
+
+I answered absently, for I was wondering whether the little spider was
+curious about the jolly red color there below him. And just then
+Jenkins' hand went out and swept at the little thread. The spider
+dropped and shot into a fold of the pajamas.
+
+"I say! Look out!" I exclaimed as Jenkins made another clutch. "Don't
+mash the beast on the silk; you'll ruin it--the silk, I mean!"
+
+"There it goes, sir!" said Jenkins eagerly. "Over by your hand."
+
+"No; by Jove; he's gone into a leg of the pajamas! Here, shake him
+out--gently now!"
+
+Jenkins lifted the garment gingerly and lightly shook it. But nothing
+came forth.
+
+"Why don't you look in the leg," I said, "and see if you can see it?"
+
+Jenkins peered down one of the silken tubes and forthwith dropped it
+with a yell. He jumped back.
+
+"Look out, sir," he cried excitedly; "don't touch 'em! There's a
+tarantula in there big as a sand crab, and it's alive."
+
+"A tarantula? Nonsense! We don't have tarantulas in New York," I
+protested.
+
+Jenkins gestured violently. "One's there, sir, anyhow! I saw one once on
+a bunch of bananas down in South Street. If they jump on you and bite,
+you might as well just walk around to the undertaker. A dago told me
+so."
+
+I backed nervously from the crumpled crimson pile on the floor.
+
+_Crimson?_
+
+Of course, I knew it was crimson; it must be the shadow of the table
+there that made the things so dark--_black_, in fact. But my mind was on
+the tarantula; and I was thinking that it must have been wrapped with
+the pajamas. Yet I could not understand how this could be, considering
+how tightly the things had been rolled.
+
+Anyhow, it was there; and Jenkins pointed excitedly.
+
+"Look, sir! You can see it moving under the silk!"
+
+By Jove, so you could! And the thing seemed nearly as big as a rat. It
+was making for the end of the leg. I climbed upon a chair.
+
+"Get a club," I exclaimed, "and smash the thing as it comes out!"
+
+Jenkins rushed out and returned with a brassie.
+
+"Careful now," I warned from the chair. "Don't go and hit the dashed
+thing before it gets out, and make a devil of a mess on the silk! There
+it is--it's out! No, no--not yet! Wait, until it gets its whole body
+out! There now; he's drawing out his last beastly leg. Now--_now_ let
+drive!"
+
+And he did, and seemed to hit the thing squarely.
+
+I knelt on the chair and craned over, while Jenkins still held the stick
+tightly at the point where the thing had struck.
+
+"Get him?" I queried. "Where is it?"
+
+"That's it, sir," said Jenkins in an odd voice. "It ain't here."
+
+"Why, dash it, I saw you strike the beast, right where you're holding
+that club."
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir"--Jenkins spoke a little huskily and glanced around
+at me queerly--"will you look under the end of this stick and see if you
+see what I see?"
+
+I climbed down and examined cautiously.
+
+"Why, by Jove, it's the little spider!" I exclaimed, surprised.
+
+"Exactly, sir; what's left." Jenkins took a deep breath.
+
+"Thank you, sir--it's a great relief," he sighed.
+
+"Eh?"
+
+"I mean, sir, I'm glad I ain't the only one who thought he saw that
+other. It's _some_ comfort."
+
+Jenkins spoke gloomily.
+
+"_Thought_ you saw?" I repeated.
+
+But Jenkins only shook his head as he gathered up the remains of the
+spider and consigned them to a cuspidor.
+
+"You mean--say, what the devil _do_ you mean?" I asked sharply.
+
+Jenkins straightened with air respectful but solemn.
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir," he began gravely, "there's a party lectures on the
+street corner every night at nine on the fearful consequences of the
+drink habit, and passes around blank pledges to be signed. I'm going to
+get one first chance; and if you will accept it, sir--meaning no
+offense--I would be proud to get you one, too."
+
+I stared at him aghast.
+
+"Oh, I say, now," I murmured faintly, "you don't think it was that, do
+you?"
+
+Jenkins' face was eloquent enough.
+
+"I'm through, sir," he said sadly. "When it comes to seeing things like
+that--" He lifted his eyes. "No more for me, sir; my belief is, it's a
+warning--yes, sir, that's what, a warning."
+
+I collapsed into a chair.
+
+"By Jove!" I gasped uneasily.
+
+I was awfully put out--annoyed, you know. It was the first time anything
+of the kind had ever happened to me. If I started in with tarantulas,
+what would I be seeing next?
+
+Jenkins gulped nervously. "Why, sir," he whispered, leaning toward me,
+"these pajamas--you see for yourself how red they are--they actually
+seemed to lose color when that bug was in 'em."
+
+"Oh, pshaw!" I said contemptuously. "I saw that, too." And I explained
+to him about the shadow of the table. He nodded.
+
+"But that only makes it worse, sir," he commented dubiously. "It shows
+the 'mental condition,' as they say. You know, we were talking about the
+black art--remember, sir?"
+
+I did remember; and also I remembered then we saw the spider. I recalled
+that spiders and tarantulas belonged to the same family. Of course
+Jenkins' suspicions hit the nail--it must be that--there was no getting
+around it--but still--
+
+"By Jove, Jenkins!" I said, trying to go a feeble smile. "I never felt
+so fit for a corking stiff highball in my life--never!"
+
+I took a screw on my glass and studied him curiously.
+
+"And I say, you know--better take one yourself!" I added.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+I DON THE PAJAMAS
+
+
+"By Jove, Jenkins, they fit like a dream!"
+
+I twisted before the glass and surveyed the pajamas with much
+satisfaction. They looked jolly right from every point. Moreover, with
+all their easy looseness, there was not an inch too much. They had a
+comfortable, personal feel.
+
+"Lucky thing they weren't made originally for some whale like Jack
+Billings--eh, Jenkins?" I commented musingly.
+
+Behind his hand Jenkins indulged in what is vulgarly known as a snicker.
+
+"Mr. Billings, sir, he couldn't get one shoulder in 'em, much less
+a--h'm--leg," he chuckled. "They'd be in ribbons, sir!"
+
+I yawned sleepily, and Jenkins instantly sobered to attention. He held
+his finger over the light switch as I punched a pillow and rolled over
+on the mattress.
+
+"All right," I said; "push the jolly thing out." And with a click
+darkness fell about me.
+
+"Good night, sir," came Jenkins' voice softly.
+
+"Night," I murmured faintly, and I was off.
+
+Sometime, hours later, I awoke, and with a devilish yearning for a
+smoke. It often takes me that way in the night.
+
+I climbed out in the blackness and found my way into the other room. I
+remembered exactly where I had dropped my cigarette case when we were
+fooling with the pajamas by the table, and I found it without
+difficulty.
+
+In the act of stooping for it, my hand clutched the edge of the table
+and I felt a spot yield under the pressure of my thumb. It was the
+button controlling the bell to Jenkins' room.
+
+"Lucky thing he sleeps like a jolly porpoise," I reflected.
+
+I pushed a wicker arm-chair into the moonlight and breeze by a window,
+and pulling a flame to a cigarette, leaned back, feeling jolly comfy.
+For the breeze was ripping and delicious, and the delicate silk of the
+pajamas flowed in little wavelets all the way from my heels to my neck.
+
+And, thinking of the pajamas, I tried to fix my mind on it that I must
+tell Jenkins to have me write that chap, Mastermann, and send him
+another lot of those devilish good cigars he liked. I tried to recall
+what Jenkins had said was the name of the brand--something deuced
+clever, I remembered that much.
+
+I was just about dropping off, when I heard some one hurrying along the
+private hall leading from the back. Jenkins himself popped into the
+room.
+
+"Did you ring, sir?" he inquired, and advanced quickly.
+
+And then, before I could think about it to reply, he halted suddenly,
+almost pitching forward. Then, with a kind of wheezy howl, he sprang to
+the wall. Next instant, I was blinking under the dazzling electrolier.
+
+"Here, I say! Shut off that light!" I remonstrated, half blinded.
+
+I heard a swift rush across the rugs, and the next thing I knew I was
+roughly jerked from out my chair; strong fingers clutched my throat, and
+I found myself glaring into a frightened but resolute face.
+
+"Jen-Jenkins!" I tried to gasp, but only a gurgle came.
+
+I was so taken unawares, I knew it must be some dashed dream. Perhaps
+another minute, and I would wake up. But he gripped me tighter and shook
+me like a rag.
+
+"Say, who are you?" he hissed. "How did you get in here?"
+
+And then, of course, I knew that he was crazy. Whether he was crazy in a
+dream or crazy with me awake, I couldn't guess. It made very little
+difference, anyhow, for I knew that in another minute I should be either
+dream dead or real dead; and dash me if I could see any odds worth
+tossing for in either, you know.
+
+But I don't belong to the athletic club quite for nothing, and have
+managed to pick up a few tricks, you know. So with the decision to chuck
+the dream theory, I shot my leg forward with a mix-up and twist that
+made Jenkins loosen his clutch and stagger backward.
+
+"What's the matter with you?" I gasped, advancing toward him. "Are you
+trying to murder me?" But I was so hoarse, the only word that came out
+plainly was "murder."
+
+Jenkins uttered a howl. "Help, Mr. Lightnut! Murder!"
+
+"You old fool!" I cried, exasperated. "Come here!"
+
+He was coming. He seized a light chair and swung it behind his head.
+Then he rushed me with a shout.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Lightnut!"
+
+"Gone clear off his nut!" was my thought. As he swung the chair, I
+ducked low, and man and chair went crashing to the floor. But he was up
+again in a jiffy and dancing at me.
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir, why don't you help me?"
+
+"Help you--you jolly idiot?" I muttered indignantly. Then my voice
+raised: "I've a mind to kill you!"
+
+With a yell, he made a kangaroo jump and swung at me again.
+
+"He says he's going to kill me, Mr. Lightnut!" he panted as I dodged
+again. "Help me--wake up, sir!"
+
+Wake up? Wake up, indeed, when I had never been so devilish wide awake
+in all my life! I was _sure_ now about that. I moved toward him
+cautiously.
+
+"Stop your row!" I cried angrily; "you'll have somebody in. Think I want
+the police up here?"
+
+With a glare at me, Jenkins darted past me to the bedroom I had just
+left. Its light switch clicked, and then back through the brightened
+doorway he sprang and dashed for a wall cabinet at the side. He began
+tugging at its little drawer. And suddenly I remembered the revolver
+there, an old forty-five from a friend in Denver--and loaded!
+
+My spring to intercept him was quick, but not quick enough. Half-way to
+him I pulled up under the compelling argument of the long blue barrel
+pointed at my head.
+
+"Here! Look out, you fool--it's loaded!" I warned, backing away to the
+window.
+
+Jenkins advanced. "What have you done with him?" he panted hoarsely.
+"Where is he?"
+
+"Where's who?" I asked savagely, for I was getting devilish tired of it
+all. But for the publicity, I should have yelled from the window.
+
+"Where's Mr. Lightnut?" he demanded.
+
+"Oh, he's all right." I decided to adopt that soothing tone that I had
+read somewhere was the proper caper with lunatics.
+
+"Where?" Jenkins insisted, pushing nearer.
+
+And dashed if I knew what to answer; for, if I made a mistake, it might
+be serious, by Jove! Perhaps some jocular reply would be safest--might
+divert his attention, you know.
+
+The open window gave me an idea.
+
+"Why, do you know," I said pleasantly, "I just chucked him down into the
+street."
+
+It sounded like a cannon cracker, that gun! The shower of splintered
+glass from the picture between the windows barely missed me. But I never
+waited a second--for this last devilish straw was too much, don't you
+know, and something had to be done. I leaped for the weapon as it struck
+the hardwood floor between us, jerked from Jenkins' hand by the
+unfamiliar upward kick. Another instant and I was poking the muzzle into
+his side.
+
+"I've just had enough of this, you fool!" I cried impatiently. "Here,
+take a good look at me!" I pushed my face closer. "Look at me, I tell
+you!"
+
+By Jove, he shuddered! His eyes, wide distended with terror, rolled to
+the ceiling.
+
+"I can't," he whispered; "I just can't--anything but that! Only,
+please--please don't kill me, too."
+
+"Kill you?" I said, frowning sternly as he gave a furtive glance. "I
+certainly will, if you don't take a good look at me!"
+
+He gave a sort of despairing sigh and closed his eyes so tightly the
+lashes disappeared. "All right, then," he said sullenly; "you may kill
+me!"
+
+The way with these lunatics, I thought. Next thing, he would be begging
+and insisting that I kill him. I motioned to the door of my guest-room
+and gave him a push.
+
+"In there," I said, "and keep perfectly quiet."
+
+And as he shot inside, I closed the door and locked it. I just had to
+take the chance of his hurting himself against the walls and furniture;
+I didn't believe he was so crazy he would undertake the six-story leap
+to the ground. Listening, I heard something like a sob. Then I caught my
+name.
+
+"Poor Mr. Lightnut," came chokingly; "the kindest, gentlest master!" And
+then more sobs and gulps.
+
+By Jove, under his insane delusion, the poor beggar was grieving for me;
+not thinking of himself at all, you know. I felt my eyes grow a bit
+moist, somehow, and all at once my heart went heavy. Thought how long
+poor old Jenkins had been with me--ever since I was out of college, you
+know--five years--and remembered how devilish faithful and attached he
+had always been. Poor old Jenks! It was awful his going off this way! I
+recalled how he had taken to seeing things, earlier in the evening, and
+had made me see them, too, dash it! One thing I determined: whatever had
+to be done with him, he should have the finest of attention.
+
+I knew that I ought to telephone to somebody or something, but dashed if
+I had any idea who or where. Oddly enough, not a soul seemed to have
+been roused by the pistol shot, but I saw by the little clock that it
+was close to three--the hour in a bachelor apartment house when
+everybody is asleep, if they're going to sleep at all.
+
+I decided that the best thing to do first was to get into some clothes.
+And with this thought I was turning away, when it occurred to me to make
+an effort to see if poor Jenkins seemed more rational now or had gone to
+sleep.
+
+I tapped upon the door. "Are you asleep?" I asked softly.
+
+A howl of positive terror came back.
+
+"I'm a-keeping quiet," he cried, "but don't let me hear your voice
+again, or I'll jump right out of the window."
+
+I shook my head sadly and tiptoed into my room, where I slipped
+hurriedly out of the pajamas and into some clothes; then back I went to
+the telephone. It was on my little writing-desk close to the door
+confining Jenkins.
+
+I lifted the receiver with a sigh.
+
+"Hello, central," I began, responding to the operator. "I say, will you
+give me 'information?'"
+
+A loud shout suddenly sounded from behind the closed door, and there
+came a frantic double-pounding of fists.
+
+"Mr. Lightnut--Mr. Lightnut!" screamed Jenkins. "Oh, Mr. Lightnut,
+you're back--you're alive--I can hear your voice! This is Jenkins, Mr.
+Lightnut; yes, sir, Jenkins. They've got me locked in!"
+
+I clapped the receiver on the hook and sprang to the door, unlocking
+it. Jenkins almost tumbled into my arms. By Jove, for a second I hung in
+the wind, he acted so crazy still; at least, it seemed so just at first.
+The fellow threw his arm about my neck and laughed--laughed and cried,
+dash it--and just wringing my hands and carrying on--Oh, awful! And even
+when I got him into a chair, he just sat there laughing and crying like
+a jolly old silly, patting my hand, you know, and wiping his eyes, what
+time they were not devouring me.
+
+"Has he gone, sir?" he gasped huskily. "Did he jump from the window?"
+But I waved all questions aside.
+
+"After you've had some sleep," I insisted. "Then I'll tell you the whole
+jolly story." And I just got him to his room myself, despite his
+distress and protests over my attention.
+
+"Thank you, sir, and good night," he said as I left him. And he murmured
+placidly, "I guess we're all right now."
+
+But I was not so sure as to _him_, when I viewed the broken chair and
+scattered fragments of glass--ominous reminders of the scene through
+which I had passed. And so, though I threw the pistol on top of a
+bookcase, I spent the rest of the night upon the soft cushions of my big
+divan.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON
+
+
+"But this savage-looking Chinaman that you saw, Jenkins--how was he
+dressed?" I adopted a careless tone of inquiry.
+
+It was high noon, and I was toying with an after luncheon, or rather
+after breakfast, cigar.
+
+Jenkins' head shook dubiously. "I just remember something blackish. My,
+sir, I didn't have time to notice nothing like clothes!"
+
+His tone conveyed aggrieved protest. He went on:
+
+"Just as I'm telling you, sir, I saw some one sitting there by the
+window and walked toward him, thinking it was you. Then, all of a
+sudden, I see his awful face a scowling at me there in the moonlight."
+
+"And he was smoking, you say?"
+
+Jenkins sniffed indignantly. "Free and easy as a lord, sir! He held a
+long stick to his ugly mouth, and smoke was curling out of a little bowl
+near the end."
+
+"Oh, opium pipe, eh?"
+
+"Likely, sir," agreed Jenkins; "but I never saw one."
+
+By Jove, I had my own opinion about that! I knew he _must_ have seen one
+before; but I just went on questioning, to gain time, you know, and
+wondering all the while how I should ever be able to break the truth to
+the poor fellow.
+
+"Tell me again what he was like," I said. "How did you know he was a
+Chinaman?"
+
+"Why, by his long black pigtail, sir, and his onery color. But I never
+saw no Chinaman as ugly as this one--no sir. Oh, he was just too awful
+horrid to look at, sir. His forehead sloped away back, or maybe the
+front part of his head being all shaved made it look that way. And the
+skin about his eyes was painted white with red streaks shooting around
+like rays of light."
+
+"No beard or mustache, I suppose?" I suggested, feeling my own
+smooth-shaven face. Jenkins' reply was a surprise:
+
+"Yes, sir; there were long black kind of rat tails that dropped down
+from the sides of his mouth. And then his neck--ugh--all thick with
+woolly hair."
+
+"Oh, it was, eh?" I said drily, thinking of the long red stripe that my
+collar concealed. "I suppose you felt this, eh, when you jumped at his
+throat?"
+
+Jenkins rubbed his chin with a puzzled air.
+
+"Why, that's uncommon queer, sir; but now that you remind me, I do
+remember that his neck felt perfectly smooth--and it wasn't so big,
+either. Why, I should say it felt just about like yours would, sir."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+I eyed him ruefully.
+
+"By Jove, I don't doubt it a minute!" I commented with some disgust.
+"See here, Jenkins, I suppose you've been to the Chinese theater down in
+Doyers Street, eh?"
+
+For I had been down there with slumming parties, and I remembered the
+hideous sorcerers, fierce warriors and kings the Chinks represent in
+their interminable plays. And the facial make-up described by Jenkins
+tallied in a way with some I recalled from these ancient, semi-mythical
+plays.
+
+But at my question, Jenkins' lip curled a little; dash me, but he looked
+almost insulted.
+
+"I should say not, sir," he said with a sniff; "you don't catch me going
+down in them parts!" He added quickly: "Meaning no offense, sir."
+
+"Sure?" I questioned sharply.
+
+"Never, sir!" Jenkins' earnestness was unmistakable. But of course I
+knew the poor fellow had forgotten all about it.
+
+"One of the jolly rum things that goes along with his affliction," I
+reflected sadly. "A month from now the poor beggar will be swearing he
+never saw me in his life." And how the devil was I going to break the
+truth to him? I sighed perplexedly. "Well, go on with your yarn," I said
+irresolutely. "You were telling, when I interrupted, about rushing into
+my bedroom."
+
+"Yes, sir," he resumed with animation. "And when I didn't find you, I
+was just frantic, for I didn't know you had gone out, sir--never
+thought of that; I went for the ugly monster with the big pistol there
+in the cabinet--which, by the way, sir, the low down villain stole when
+he locked me up and lit out."
+
+I had an inspiration.
+
+"I see," I broke in carelessly; "and then you demanded to know where I
+was--that it? Then you backed him to that window, and he told you he had
+chucked me into the street--whereupon you tried to blow off his head and
+knocked the jolly daylights out of the lady with the fencing foil."
+
+Jenkins, his mouth agape, viewed me with distended eyes.
+
+"I didn't tell you that, sir," he faltered. "How--"
+
+"And when you dropped the weapon," I went on, "this chap collared it,
+jabbed the beastly thing into you, and told you to look at him. And by
+Jove you wouldn't!"
+
+Jenkins groaned slightly. The apologetic cough with which he strove to
+mantle the sound was dry and spiritless.
+
+"No, sir; it seemed easier to die, sir," he murmured--"what with him
+grinning like a fiend and his long teeth a-sticking out over his
+lip--ugh!" Then he added wonderingly: "But what gets me is how you
+should know, sir."
+
+I looked at him gravely.
+
+"Jenkins," I said gently, "I know, because it so happens I was here all
+the time."
+
+His eyes bulged incredulously.
+
+"You, sir? You mean in this room?"
+
+I nodded slowly. "I mean right in this room--I was a witness of the
+whole thing."
+
+Jenkins just gulped. I motioned to a chair.
+
+
+"You may sit down, Jenkins, my poor fellow," I said compassionately. I
+poured out some whisky and gave it to him.
+
+"Yes, yes; I want you to drink that," I insisted as he took it
+hesitatingly. "You will need it. Drink every drop of it."
+
+And I watched him do it. For somehow the poor devil seemed to be growing
+paler every minute, and I was afraid the shock of what I was going to
+say would send him into a swoon.
+
+Jenkins replaced the empty glass with a positively trembling hand. By
+Jove, his face turned a kind of asparagus yellow.
+
+It alarmed me a little, for I felt apprehensive that perhaps it was time
+for him to have another spell, you know. Of course, I knew that the
+devilishly adroit, tactful way I was breaking it to him wouldn't disturb
+the peace of a baby. Some people would have gone about the thing in some
+deuced abrupt way, don't you know, and alarmed him. I didn't want to do
+that--in fact, I took pains to tell him so at the start.
+
+"I don't want to frighten you, my poor fellow," I said, leaning toward
+him and speaking in a low, earnest voice--just that way, you know--no
+excitement. "You mustn't let anything I say frighten you badly about
+yourself."
+
+"No, sir. Thank you, sir." But I could hardly hear him.
+
+I waited a moment, eying him steadily--just doing it all in that calm
+way, you know--and then:
+
+"You must brace yourself for a great shock, my poor Jenkins," I said
+soothingly. And then I thought I had best hurry on, for I could tell by
+the way his eyes rolled and the blue color of his lips that probably I
+was just in time to head off another attack. And then I told him all.
+
+"And here," I concluded, "are the marks of your fingers under my collar,
+and the pistol is on top of the bookcase."
+
+Jenkins just sat there, kind of huddled up, you know, and his face as
+white as the what-you-call-it snow. Didn't seem able to say a word. By
+Jove, it was too much for me; my heart just went out to him.
+
+"It's all right, Jenkins," I said kindly, and I patted his knee.
+"Doesn't make a jolly bit of difference to me, personally. Just told you
+because I thought you ought to know. You just go right along and
+continue your duties, so far as I am concerned."
+
+Jenkins' hand slipped along his knee and ventured to touch mine timidly.
+He rose heavily.
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir," he said huskily, "if you're not going to need me
+very much, could I be excused for a while to-night?"
+
+"By Jove, yes, Jenkins! Go out and enjoy the evening; it will do you
+good. Stay as long as you like, dash it! You know I dine to-night at the
+club. Go to a roof garden and get some fresh air."
+
+A toss of the head broke Jenkins' calm; his fist struck his palm.
+
+"It ain't that, sir," he exclaimed. "I don't want no fresh air, but I do
+want fresh resolution and a fresh start. I'm going to find _him_."
+
+"Him!" I was startled. Dash me, I half thought he meant the Chinaman.
+
+"Him, sir; that temperance lecturer, I mean. I'm going to get out a
+paper against that old enemy there!" And he shook his fist at the whisky
+decanter.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE
+
+
+"Long distance call from Mr. Billings, sir," said Jenkins, lifting the
+receiver.
+
+By Jove, he had just caught me as I was about to leave.
+
+"Hello! That you, Lightnut?" came his voice. "Say, old chap, you
+remember you said you wouldn't mind putting up the kid overnight on the
+way home from college. Remember? Wants to rest over and come up the
+river on the day line."
+
+Yes, I remembered, and said so.
+
+"All right, then; it's to-night. Be there about nine from Boston. Don't
+go to any trouble, now, nor alter any plans. The kid will probably be
+dead tired and off to bed before you get home from your dinner."
+
+"That's all right, old chap; Jenkins will look after the young one."
+
+I heard Billings chuckle--I remembered that chuckle afterward.
+
+"Not much of the young one there. Eighteen, you know. Never off to
+school, though, until last year--and by George, it was time! Between my
+mother and my sister the kid was being absolutely ruined--petted,
+mollycoddled, and was getting soft and silly--oh, something to make you
+sick. Well, so much obliged, Dicky. You know what these hotels are.
+Good-by."
+
+I explained to Jenkins. "All right, sir," he said. "I won't go out until
+after nine. It'll be time enough."
+
+And so I went off. I returned early, about ten, and sat reading. Jenkins
+was still away, and the door of my guest room was open.
+
+"Good evening!"
+
+The voice behind me was soft, musical, delicious.
+
+I whirled about, and there, within the door, leaning against the frame,
+was the most beautiful creature I ever saw in all my life.
+
+A girl! But oh, by Jove, _such_ a girl! A lovely, rosy blonde, dash it!
+Golden-haired angel--long, droopy kind of lashes, don't you know--eyes
+like dreamy sapphire seas--oh, that sort of thing--a peach!
+
+The leap that brought me to my feet sent my chair thudding backward.
+
+"Why--er--good evening," I managed to stammer. Just managed, you know,
+for, give you my word, I never was so bowled over in my life--never! And
+on the instant I guessed what it meant. The "kid" that Billings referred
+to wasn't a kid brother at all, but was a kid sister--girl, by Jove!
+
+"Are you busy?" I saw the flash of her perfect little teeth as her lips
+parted in a smile. "If not, may I talk to you a while?"
+
+I mumbled something designed to be pleasant--dash me if I know what--and
+managed to summon sense enough to lift toward her a wicker arm-chair.
+Then I dashed into my bedroom to chuck the smoking-jacket and get into a
+coat. And all the while I was thinking harder than I ever had thought it
+possible.
+
+Just the thing to have expected of an ass like Billings--a fellow with
+no sense of the proprieties! His kind of mind had never got any further
+than the fact that I had a guest-room and a quiet apartment. The further
+fact that it was in a bachelor apartment house and I a bachelor--and not
+yet out of my twenties, dash it--would never have presented itself to a
+chump like Billings as having any bearing on the matter.
+
+"Of course, I must get right over to the club and leave her in
+possession--it's the only thing left to do." This was my thought as I
+slipped into my coat and gave my hair a touch--just a touch, don't you
+know. The thing to do was to carry it off as naturally as possible for a
+few minutes, and then slip away. Probably she hadn't counted upon my
+being in town at all--had taken it for granted it was some sort of
+family apartment--with housekeeper, servant maids, all that sort of
+thing.
+
+"Never mind," I thought, as I kicked off my half-shoes and jerked on the
+first things at hand. "Thing to do now is to keep that child's mind
+from being distressed. She'll have a good sleep and get off early in the
+morning on the Albany boat. Don't suppose she'd understand,
+anyhow--sweet, innocent, unsophisticated thing like that. What a fool
+Billings is!"
+
+And I jammed in savagely the turquoise matrix pin with which I was
+replacing the pearl, because it went better with my tie.
+
+"Now, just a few minutes of conversation to put her at her ease," I
+reflected, "and then I'm off. I'll get the janitor's wife to come up and
+stay near her."
+
+And I dashed back, murmuring some jolly rubbish of apology. And then I
+just brought up speechless--almost fell over backward. For as she stood
+there under the light, I saw that what I had taken for a dress of black
+silk was not a dress at all, but a suit of pajamas--black, filmy
+pajamas, whose loose elegance concealed but could not wholly deny the
+goddess-like figure within.
+
+"I'd have known you anywhere, Mr. Lightnut." And then I found that we
+were shaking hands, my fingers crushed in a grasp I never could have
+thought possible from that tiny hand. "From hearing Jack talk, your name
+is a sort of household word in the Billings family."
+
+I mumbled something jolly idiotic--some acknowledgment. But I was pink
+about the ears, and I knew it, while she was cool and serene as a lily
+of the what-you-call-it, don't you know. I was trying not to see the
+pajamas, trying to pretend not to notice them, but dashed if I didn't
+only make it worse!
+
+For she looked down at herself with a laugh--rather an embarrassed
+laugh, I thought; and her little shrug and glance directed attention to
+her attire.
+
+"I see you're looking at the pajamas," she said smiling.
+
+And her eyes looked at me through those drooping lashes--oh, such a way!
+
+"Oh, no--I assure--certainly not," I stammered hastily. Dash it, I never
+was so rebuked and mortified in all my life. What an ass I had been to
+seem to notice at all!
+
+She looked troubled. "Say, do you mind my wearing them?" she inquired.
+
+"I? Certainly not--well, I should say not!" I retorted, almost with
+indignation.
+
+"Sure?" By Jove, what ripping eyes she had!
+
+"Of course not!" emphatically.
+
+Her sunny head nodded satisfaction. "That's all right, then. I was
+afraid you wouldn't like it--afraid you would think I was acting a
+little _free_. But your man Jenkins--isn't that his name?--said he
+thought you would _like_ for me to wear them."
+
+I gasped.
+
+"Jen--what's _that_?" I was amazed, indignant at Jenkins' effrontery.
+"He--he suggested that you wear--er--these?"
+
+She nodded, her glorious eyes shining wistfully.
+
+"You see, I went to a frat dance last night in Cambridge," she
+explained; "and in the hurry this morning, somehow, one of my bags--a
+suit-case--was left behind. And when I got here to-night and began
+piling the things out of my other bag--well, I saw I was up a tree. Not
+a thing to slip into, you know--not so much as a dressing-gown or even a
+bathrobe. Then your man saved my life--suggested these pajamas. See?"
+
+"Oh, I see!"
+
+I said so; but, dash it, I wasn't sure I did, for I knew so devilish
+little about girls. But I got hold of this much: I understood that this
+delicately reared creature had missed the restfulness and luxury of a
+shift to some sort of dressing-robe after her day of travel. Probably
+one of those ribbony, pinky-white fripperies one sees in the windows of
+the Avenue shops, rosy, foamy dreams like the--well, like the crest of a
+soda cocktail, don't you know. And the pajamas had been adopted as a
+comfortable makeshift.
+
+By Jove! And here she was sitting, calmly telling me all about it--just
+as she might to Jack--never thinking a thing about it! My, how charming,
+how innocent she was! But, dash it, that was the reason she was so
+beautiful--of course, that was it--and I had never seen anybody like her
+in all the world before. I knew jolly well I never should again, either.
+But I knew I ought to go--and at once.
+
+"I must cut along now," I thought; "infernal shame to be taking
+advantage of her this way!" And then I thought I would just wait a wee
+minute longer.
+
+Just then she turned toward me, her elbow on the arm of the wicker
+chair, her dainty, manicured finger-tips supporting her chin.
+
+"You know, Mr. Lightnut, I wasn't sure you would remember me at all,"
+she said. "I was such a kid when you saw me last."
+
+"Oh, yes," I said, trying to recall the rather hoydenish children I had
+seen on the motor trip to Billings' home five years before. "I remember
+you were quite a little girl--weren't you?"
+
+I thought her face darkened a little; then her smile flashed through,
+like sunshine through a cloud. Her laugh came on top, like the mellow
+ripple of a tiny brook--that sort of thing--oh, you know!
+
+"Oh, I say now, Mr. Lightnut, cut out the josh," she remonstrated; and I
+thought she grew a little red. "No more for mine those sissy, girlie
+ways--I've got well over all of that!"
+
+She tossed one knee over the other and threw herself back in the chair.
+She seemed a little piqued. She went on:
+
+"I just tell you what--there's nothing like a couple of years off at
+college for toughening you! Gets all those mamma's baby ways out of you,
+you bet your life, and all the slushiness you get from trying to be like
+your sisters. Shucks!"
+
+I caught my breath. Of course, she had no idea how it sounded--this sort
+of talk; it was just her innocent frankness, her--what d'ye call
+it?--her _ingenuousness_--dash it!
+
+She continued musingly: "Gee, but I was soft when I first went away--a
+regular pie-faced angel-child!" Her voice had in it a sneer. Then she
+straightened up, whirled her chair facing me, and gave me a sounding
+slap on the knee. "Say, maybe the fellows I met didn't educate that out
+of me mighty quick! Well, I reckon yes!" And she nodded, eying me
+sidewise, her pretty chin in the air.
+
+But, dash me, I was so aghast I couldn't get out a word. Just sat there
+batting at her and turning hot and cold by turns. Came devilish near
+losing consciousness, by Jove, that's what!
+
+Of course, I knew she didn't know what she was talking about. Hadn't any
+sisters myself, don't you know, and never had learned much about other
+fellows' sisters; but, dash it, I knew something about _faces_, and I
+would have staked my life on hers. You can nearly always tell, you know.
+But, anyhow, I thought I had better go now.
+
+I got up. "I say, you want to just make yourself at home," I said. "And
+if you don't mind, I'll see you at the boat in the morning."
+
+She stood up, too, looking rather surprised. "You're not going away?"
+
+"Oh, no; not out of town." I thought that was what she meant. I added:
+"And as I go out, I'll stop down-stairs and have some one come up and
+stay with you."
+
+She dropped to the arm of the chair, her pretty face showing dismay.
+
+"Oh, but see here! I'm running you off--I know I am. Say, Mr. Lightnut,
+I don't want to do that. I thought sure you were going to be here.
+Brother insisted you would be."
+
+Brother! Nice brother, indeed, for her--poor little thing!
+
+"Oh, you'll be all right," I said reassuringly. "I'm just going over to
+the club, don't you know--not far away."
+
+She came right up to me and placed a hand on each shoulder.
+
+"Honest Injun, now," she said--and her smile was ravishing. "Honest,
+now, Mr. Lightnut, you're going just because I'm here. Say now, own up!"
+
+And, dash it, there was nothing to do but admit it.
+
+"All right," she said; and I thought her eyes flashed a little. "Then I
+go to a hotel--that's all!"
+
+"A hotel! Why, you can't do that--oh, I say!"
+
+"Why can't I?" She was downright angry--I could see it; and how
+distractingly lovely she was with that flame in her cheeks!
+
+But she was just a child--an innocent little child; and how the deuce
+could I ever make her understand?
+
+I stammered: "Why--er--not in New York, you know. They won't take a
+lady in at this time of night. They--"
+
+She snapped her fingers. "Oh, I say, Mr. Lightnut, play easier on that
+girlie and lady pedal; cook up a fresh gag! I tell you, I've put all
+that behind me. Say, wait till you've known me a little, and I'll bet a
+purse you never call _me_ a lady again! Lady! Say, that's _funny_!"
+
+And it certainly seemed to strike her sense of humor. She gave me a
+sudden punch in the side that fairly left me breathless, and her
+laughter rang out birdlike, joyous. Of a sudden I felt devilish awkward
+and foolish.
+
+"Oh, _please_ stop stringing me, Mr. Lightnut--don't treat me like a
+kid. I want to get acquainted." Then her bright face sobered. "Say, was
+that on the level--that about your going to leave me? See here, I'm not
+bothering you, am I, Mr. Lightnut?"
+
+"Bothering me!" I ejaculated. "Bothering _me_? I should say not!"
+
+I think I must have said it heartily and convincingly, don't you know,
+for her lovely face looked pleased.
+
+"Because if I am," she said earnestly, "I'll fade away into my own
+little room there." Her glance ranged toward her door. "It's sure some
+swell, that room."
+
+"So jolly glad you like it," I said.
+
+"Well, I should say!" Then her beautiful eyes looked at me full.
+
+"You know, I didn't expect this--I mean having a room all to myself.
+Never."
+
+And then, while I gasped, she went on, sweetly and calmly:
+
+"Why, Mr. Lightnut, Brother Jack would throw seventeen thousand fits if
+I went to a hotel, because--" She laughed deliciously. "Well, I promised
+him that if he would let me come home by New York I would stay right
+here with you and behave myself."
+
+"Behave yourself!" I echoed indignantly. "Why, look here, do you mean to
+say Jack Billings--your own brother, you know--thought you
+wouldn't--er,--do that at a hotel?"
+
+"_Thought?_" Her laugh this time was explosive. "No, he never thought
+it; he _knew_ I wouldn't! He knew I would be tearing around all night
+with the boys--_that's_ what!"
+
+And dash me, if she didn't throw herself back with a kind of swagger, by
+Jove!
+
+"Why, you--you wouldn't do such a thing!" I uttered faintly.
+
+"Wouldn't I?" She straightened suddenly, and her lovely blue eyes
+narrowed at me. "Say, Mr. Lightnut, I don't want you to get me sized up
+wrong. I'm none of your little waxy gardenias--not much! When I'm in New
+York, it's the bright lights and the Great White Way for mine--yes, sir,
+every time!"
+
+And she gave me a blow on the shoulder that was like a stroke from a
+man's arm. It sent me down into my chair.
+
+"If you don't believe me," she added, her face shining with excitement,
+"just you ask Jack about last summer when I came through--about that joy
+ride to Coney with three Columbia fellows, and how we got pinched. Oh,
+mamma, but didn't Jack swear at me!"
+
+
+I heard a noise by the door. Jenkins stood there, his eyes sticking out
+like hard boiled eggs.
+
+"I--I'm back, sir," he said rather falteringly. "Beg pardon, sir; just
+thought you'd want to know. I didn't know you--h'm!" And with an odd
+look and a little cough Jenkins slipped away. But I scarcely noticed him
+at all.
+
+Poor misguided girl!
+
+My brain was buzzing like a devilish hive of bees, don't you know. By
+Jove, this was something _awful_!
+
+And yet--and yet--Her frank, sweet face met mine with a clear light that
+there was no mistaking. There was no going behind it--she was a
+thoroughbred, a queen--a _lady_, dash it! I _knew_ it! And I just
+settled on that, and was ready to die right then and there if anybody
+dared to dispute it. I didn't care a jolly hang how she talked; it was
+just nothing--just the demoralizing swagger of a little boarding-school
+girl trying to show off like her brothers. And her language? Why, just
+the devilish, natural result of having a coarse, slangy brute like
+Billings for a brother. Poor little girl! It was a beastly shame.
+
+She was watching me curiously, smilingly, as she sat there, her
+devilishly pretty mouth puckered into a cherry as she softly whistled
+and drummed her shining nails upon the chair arm.
+
+"I'm afraid I've shocked you," she said. "Jack says you're so good."
+
+Dash it, somehow I felt humiliated! She said it in a way that made me
+feel like a silly ass, you know.
+
+But she wasn't thinking about me any more. Her eye fell on the tabouret,
+and her little hand stretched toward it.
+
+"May I?" she said with an arch inquiring glance. "Your cigarettes look
+good to me. I emptied my case an hour ago."
+
+And I proffered them with a show of alacrity. "Pray, pardon me," I said.
+"I--I never thought of you smoking." A chuckle came through the tiny
+teeth grasping the cigarette. "Thought I was too goody-goody, eh?"
+
+I stammered something--dashed if I know what--and blinked a little
+gloomily as she drew a brisk fire from the flame I tendered.
+
+Odd thing, by Jove; here I had been going to dinners, world without end,
+where fellows' wives and girls and sisters smoked cigarettes, and I
+never had thought a thing about it. But now, somehow, I didn't like it
+for _her_. Sort of thing well enough for other chaps' girls and
+sisters, you know, but--well, this was _different_, by Jove! Devilish
+queer thing, that, what a lot of things seem the caper for them that we
+don't like for "our own," eh?
+
+And yet--oh, I say, she certainly did look fetching about it--downright
+bewitching, you know! I think maybe it was because she didn't fumble the
+thing as if she was afraid of it--as if it was just a red hot coal and
+going to burn her. Most of them do, you know. No, this girl really
+seemed to enjoy it. Inhaled the whole thing at three draws and reached
+for another.
+
+"Do--er--you smoke much?" I ventured anxiously. "Cigarettes, you know?"
+
+She pulled a sparkling half-inch as she shook her little head. I felt
+awfully relieved. "Not for me," she remarked carelessly. "I prefer a
+pipe."
+
+"_Pipe!_" I repeated feebly.
+
+The golden head inclined. "Bet you! Good old, well-seasoned brier for
+mine--well-caked and a little strong." Puff-puff. "Oh, damn your patent
+sanitary pipes, I say!"
+
+And as backward I collapsed upon the cushions, she threw her leg over
+the arm of her chair and shot two long cones of smoke from her dainty
+nostrils.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY
+
+
+A moment later I had another shock.
+
+"I don't blame you for looking at me so hard," she said, rubbing her
+chin and looking, I thought, a little confused. "For did you ever see a
+face like mine?"
+
+"I--I never did!" I said stammeringly, for, by Jove, the question was so
+unexpected; but I knew I said it earnestly and with conviction in every
+word.
+
+She nodded. "Never got a chance to shave, you know--caught the train by
+such a margin--and my kit's in that other bag. Guess I'll have to impose
+on you in the morning for one of your razors."
+
+I stared at her in horror.
+
+"Shave? You don't shave?" I protested blankly.
+
+"Myself, you mean? Have to; I haven't got a man to do it for me." She
+seemed to sigh. "Not old enough yet to have a man, Jack says."
+
+And just here her attention seemed to center on my cellarette over in
+the corner.
+
+"Gee, but it's warm to-night, isn't it?" she remarked absently.
+
+And there was nothing to do but take the hint or leave it; and after
+all, she was a guest, you know!
+
+"Perhaps you will permit me to offer you some refreshment," I suggested,
+rising. I knew it sounded devilish stiff; and I knew, moreover, that I
+looked like a jolly muff, in fact.
+
+"Perhaps I will," she chuckled. "Say, don't urge me too hard, Mr.
+Lightnut; you might embarrass me."
+
+I did not want to embarrass her. "I thought perhaps a lemon soda would
+refresh you," I explained. "Or, if you will allow me, I will have
+Jenkins make you one of his famous seltzer lemonades. Perhaps, though,
+you would prefer just a plain--"
+
+I halted in confusion, for she was laughing at me.
+
+"A plain cup of tea," she gurgled, "or a _creme de menthe_!" And then
+her laughter burst deliciously. "Say, do you know, honestly, I'm only
+just getting on to that dry humor of yours. You've had me fooled. You do
+it with such a serious face, you know. Say, it's _great_!"
+
+I tried to smile, but I knew it was a devilish sickly go--the more so,
+because just at that moment her slender fingers discarded the remnant of
+her last cigarette and reached for a cigar. Another instant, and she had
+deftly clipped and lighted it.
+
+I decided I wouldn't ring for Jenkins.
+
+I felt ashamed as I looked in the cellarette, and wondered what the
+deuce I should offer her. Couldn't think of anything I had ever heard of
+boarding-school girls going in for except ice-cream soda; and, dash it,
+I didn't have any ice-cream soda. Nearest thing would be a little
+seltzer and ginger ale. That would do.
+
+"Oh, I say, I'm going to make you a highball," I said, trying to assume
+a frisky, jocular air.
+
+Her voice lifted in alarm. "Nay, nay, Clarence--not for me!" she urged
+hastily.
+
+"But it's only--"
+
+"No fizzy adulterations in mine--not on your life." She followed me
+across the room. "Just give me the straight, pure goods--anything, just
+so it's whisky."
+
+And before I could say a word--if, indeed, I could have said a word--she
+had selected a decanter of Scotch, and with cigar tilted upward in her
+tender mouth, was absorbingly pouring a shining stream of the amber
+fluid.
+
+To see the slow curving of that delicately molded wrist, the challenging
+flash of the saucy eyes of blue, by Jove, it made me just forget all
+about what she was doing till the fluid ran over the brim. And then,
+before I could intercept her, she had lightly gestured her glass to
+mine, and in a flash the stuff was gone.
+
+Gone! A full whisky glass; and I recalled with a shiver of horror that
+it was very high proof liquor--something I seldom touched myself, but
+kept on hand for certain of my friends.
+
+"I say, you know!" I gasped in consternation.
+
+"I'm awfully afraid that will--er--will--" I gulped wordlessly.
+
+The coral lips curved scornfully.
+
+"Get _me_ jingled?" She looked as she might have if I had insulted her.
+"Maybe so in those girlie-girlie days you were trying to josh me about,
+but not since these two years I've been at college." She shook her
+lovely, bright head, and following a long enjoyable pull at the cigar,
+projected five perfect rings at a frescoed cherub in the ceiling. The
+exquisite eyes softened dreamily as under the spell of some pleasing
+thought--some tender reminiscence.
+
+"Why, do you know," she said, looking at me earnestly, "when I was home
+for the holidays--" Then she paused. "Don't tell Brother Jack I told you
+this--will you, Mr. Lightnut? He's so sensitive about it."
+
+"Certainly not," I said feelingly.
+
+I thought the wistful face brightened.
+
+"Well, when I was home, then, I put Brother Jack under the table two
+nights running; and you know that's going some!"
+
+And smiling proudly, she poured out another! But not any more, for I put
+away the decanter.
+
+My brain was reeling, as they say in books; dash it, I was almost sick.
+Poor, poor little girl! And nobody to remonstrate with her. What a
+shame--what a shame!
+
+By Jove, I wondered if she would listen to me! I fixed my glass
+resolutely as we resumed our seats, and bent toward her earnestly.
+
+"May I say something very seriously, Miss Billings?" I began nervously.
+"Without offense, you know--"
+
+But she was off in a fit of chuckling. Most girls giggled, I had always
+heard, but she chuckled. Somehow, I liked it less than anything she did;
+it sounded so devilish ghastly, you know. And then it was so awfully
+embarrassing--oh, awfully. If you've never tried to remonstrate with a
+girl about her vicious habits and had her chuckle, you just can't
+imagine! I felt my cheeks flushing jolly red and looked down, and then I
+had to look somewhere else quickly, for I seemed to be staring rudely at
+the ends of the pajamas, where her feet, as the poet chap says, "like
+little mice, stole in and out--" only, in this case, they were thrust
+into bedroom slippers, that looked oddly like a pair of my own--but
+miles and miles smaller.
+
+"Say, do you know," she was chortling, "the way you do get off that
+Willie boy sort of talk--oh!" And she placed her hand to her side as she
+laughed. "I can see how Jack thinks you're the greatest ever, Mr.
+Lightnut."
+
+She leaned forward eagerly.
+
+"Look here, I do _wish_ you would let me call you 'Dicky.'"
+
+"Oh, I say--will you?" exploded from my mouth.
+
+"_Will_ I?" Her look made my blood leap. "You just watch me--_Dicky_!
+Oh, say, this is great; maybe it won't take a fall out of old
+Jack--always bragging that you allow only two or three to call you
+that."
+
+"I hope you will always call me Dicky," I said--and said it very softly.
+By Jove, I could hardly keep from taking her hand!
+
+"You bet I think it's awfully good of you, Lightnut--I mean, Dicky."
+Then her face grew pensive. "Say, do you know, I need a friend like
+you--just now, I mean--oh, worst kind."
+
+"Do you?" I said eagerly, and hitched nearer. She proceeded:
+
+"Haven't you had things sometimes you wanted to talk about to
+somebody--well, things you couldn't just tell to your brother or
+sisters--oh, nor even your room-mate? _You_ understand."
+
+I wasn't sure that I did, for she was blushing furiously, and in her
+eyes was an appeal.
+
+By Jove, some jolly love affair, I guessed suddenly. My heart just sank
+like a lump of what's-its-name, but my whole soul went out in sympathy
+for her. I made up my mind, then and there, to put myself aside.
+
+"Devilish glad--I mean delighted to have you tell me anything," I
+murmured rather weakly; "but--er--I should think your mother--"
+
+"The mater--tell her!" Her hand lifted. "She'd guy the life out of me!
+Besides, she's in Europe." She paced to the window and back.
+
+I protested indignantly: "I don't see how any mother--"
+
+"Aw, forget it!" she broke in, and I winced again at slang from those
+sweet lips. "No, sir; I'm going to unload the whole thing on _you_, or
+nobody."
+
+And, by Jove, the next thing I knew she had perched on the broad arm of
+the Morris chair in which I sat, her arm resting lightly above my
+shoulders.
+
+"Here's what I want to know about," I heard her sigh. "When you're
+engaged to one person and meet another you like better, how are you
+going to--well, chuck it with the first, you know--and still do the
+square thing? There, that's what's hit me, Dicky; and I'm up against it
+for fair!" Her hand gently patted my shoulder. "I'm telling you, old
+chap, because I know you'll understand--because I like you better than
+any man I ever saw--that's right!"
+
+I was just afraid to move! Afraid she'd stop; afraid she'd go on. And
+all the while I was feeling happier than I ever had in all my
+life--happier than I ever knew people could be, you know. I never
+thought her bold--dash it, no--knew it was just her adorable, delicious,
+Arcadian simplicity, by Jove! That explained it, just as it explained to
+me all her other unconventionality.
+
+"So now it's up to you," she said, "and I want to know what's the
+answer."
+
+The answer!
+
+And how could I give her any answer? No, by Jove, I knew jolly well I
+couldn't take advantage of such circumstances--of her artless
+confession; knew devilish well it wouldn't do, you know. Might reproach
+me in years to come; and then--and then, there was Billings!
+
+So I just contented myself with looking up smilingly, but it was
+hard--awfully, awfully hard, dash it--and I just felt like a jolly
+cad--or fool. Couldn't tell which.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+CONFIDENCES
+
+
+This beautiful creature had proposed to me!
+
+By Jove, that's what it amounted to practically; and now, as she said,
+it was up to me. Yet I couldn't say a word!
+
+"Well, what must I do about the other one?" she insisted.
+
+The question reminded me of the entanglement to which her frank
+simplicity had confessed. And she expected me, of all others, to tell
+her what to do! I looked up into the radiant, crimsoned face as she bent
+forward slightly, her lips parted, her eyes eager--expectant. She was
+hanging upon my reply.
+
+I coughed slightly. "That question is hardly fair, you know," I said
+meaningly. "You see, it hits me rather personally."
+
+"Oh!" she said.
+
+I nodded and tried to find her hand as I looked down.
+
+"So _that's_ where the shoe pinches!" And she whistled thoughtfully.
+
+And just then my upward reaching hand found hers. And yet no, it
+couldn't be her hand, either; it felt like the crash cover of the
+cushion--rough and fibrous. And yet, by Jove, it _was_ a hand, for it
+gave mine a grip that almost broke my fingers and then dropped them. By
+the time I looked up, I saw only her little palm resting upward on her
+knee.
+
+It was funny; but I had other things to think about than puzzles.
+
+She sighed. "Well, I'm the one that can feel for you, Dicky." Here the
+sigh lifted and her laugh pealed like a chime of silver bells. "I guess
+Brother Jack doesn't know as much about your affairs as he thinks, does
+he--eh? Why, he told me you were more afraid of a girl than of a mad
+dog."
+
+And a slapping grip fell on my shoulder that made me tingle from head to
+toe. And yet I wished she wouldn't do that; if she did it again, I
+should just lose my head--I knew I should.
+
+But here she rose, stretched her arms, and dropped into the wicker
+arm-chair. She hitched it nearer to me.
+
+"You see, it's like this," she began, assuming a confidential air. "You
+know my sister's up at school at Cambridge, too."
+
+"At Radcliffe College--yes." I nodded.
+
+"Why, yes. Well, it's her room-mate!"
+
+"Eh? I don't believe I--" I paused perplexedly.
+
+"That's right--her room-mate, I tell you! And in a day or two she's
+coming home with Sis for a visit. I want you to come up for a week
+end--won't you--and look her over--I mean, see her and tell me what you
+think of her. You'll go crazy about her--oh, I know you will!"
+
+I entered a protest. "Oh, I say now, you know, there's only one girl I
+ever saw I would care to look at twice."
+
+She smiled adorably. "Oh, don't I know all about how you feel? But I
+just want you to see this girl--she's the prettiest and swellest that's
+been around Boston for many a day; and on Sunday morning she could give
+the flag to all the Avenue. Why, Dicky, she's from China!"
+
+"China!" I must have looked the scorn I felt. "Oh, come now, you don't
+think a Chinese girl is--"
+
+"Not Chinese, Dicky." In her eagerness, she moved so near, the silk of
+her pajamas brushed my hand. "She's English. Her dad's the British
+Governor General of Hong Kong--Colonel Francis Kirkland, you
+know--beefy-looking old chap with white mutton chops--I saw his
+picture."
+
+Hong Kong! I wondered if she knew Mastermann, the chap who had sent me
+the red pajamas. Why, dash it, of course she would; for this fellow
+Mastermann was out there on government business, and he and the Governor
+must be thrown together a good deal.
+
+
+Her musical laugh broke in on my speculations. "But the funniest thing
+is, Dicky, her name's the same as mine."
+
+Her name! By Jove, and until this moment, I had not thought--
+
+"Oh, I say," I exclaimed eagerly, "what _is_ your name, anyway?"
+
+The lustrous eyes opened wide. "Why, you mean to say you don't know?
+Thought you knew I was named after the governor. And she's named after
+_hers_--Frances, from Francis, you know--just the difference in a
+letter. See?"
+
+"Frances!" I murmured lingeringly. "So your name's Frances?"
+
+"Yes, and hers is Frances--odd, isn't it?"
+
+I assented, but I wished she would drop the other girl--I wasn't
+interested there, except just because she was.
+
+Her bosom lifted with a sigh. "Don't you think Frances is a peach of a
+name?"
+
+"It's heavenly!" I whispered. "And I'm glad to hear about your friend,
+too."
+
+Her sweet face clouded. "Not much of a friend; she don't lose any sleep
+over me," she commented gloomily. "Then there's Sis double-crossing me
+with her influence ever since I got hauled up before Prexy at Easter.
+Sis is awfully prissy."
+
+Her tone was almost savage. I strained incredulously after her meaning.
+
+"Did I understand you to say you were brought up before the president
+there at Radcliffe?"
+
+"Radcliffe?" Her head shook. "No--Harvard." And I nodded, recalling the
+affiliation between the two institutions at Cambridge.
+
+I wondered what silly, tyrannical straining of red tape discipline on
+some one's part had subjected this sensitive, refined girl to the
+humiliating ordeal of having to appear before the president of the
+college. Probably for plucking some trashy flower, or, at the worst,
+looking twice at some sappy freshman acquaintance waving his hand from a
+frat house.
+
+"By Jove, a devilish shame!" I ejaculated.
+
+"I should say!" Her voice was aggrieved. "All for a measly prize fight."
+
+"Prize fight!" I gasped.
+
+She nodded brightly. "Oh, a modest one, you know--not, of course, a
+Jeffries-Johnson affair, but I tell you we had them going some for a
+round and a half. Athletics is my long suit--just you feel those
+biceps." And with sudden movement she swept upward the wide, silken
+sleeve, showing a limb like the lost arm of the Venus de
+what's-its-name.
+
+"Go on--just feel it," she commanded, flexing the arm.
+
+"I--I--" And I gulped and balked.
+
+"_Feel_ it, I tell you!" And I did.
+
+And then I almost fell over, I received such a shock. For my fingers
+seemed to be clasping, not the soft, rounded contour I beheld, but a
+great massed protuberance, hard and unyielding as a bunch of dried
+putty. My fingers could not half span it.
+
+I jerked them away, bewildered.
+
+"Wonderful," I said faintly, and I batted perplexedly at the exquisite,
+symmetrical arm.
+
+"Oh, that's nothing," she said indifferently, jerking down her sleeve.
+"I'm a little undertrained now; been putting in all my time on leg work.
+That's what counts in foot-ball.
+
+"Foot-ball!" I questioned, astonished. "Why, I didn't know--"
+
+"That I was on the team? Surest thing you know; that's why I've got all
+this mop of hair--comes below my collar--see?"
+
+Her collar, indeed! It was easy to see that, if unbound, it would reach
+considerably below her waist. But _foot-ball_! Why, she must mean
+basket-ball, of course. I opened my mouth to remind her, when she
+proceeded:
+
+"But I was going to tell you about this prize fight. Well, this fight
+was just a little one, you know. Purse of eighteen dollars; and we had
+to chip in afterward with an extra three to get Mug Kelly--that's the
+Charlestown Pet, you know--to stand the gaff for a second round. Why, he
+was all in on the count at the end of the first round--what do you think
+of that?"
+
+"But I say, you know--" I began, but she lifted her hand.
+
+"I know--I know what you're going to say, Dicky; you think we were a
+bunch of easy marks, that's what you think. But how could we tell what
+my room-mate was going to do to the Pet--we couldn't, you know."
+
+"Your room-mate!" I exclaimed aghast. "A--an other young lady--in a
+pugilistic encounter? Oh, I say!"
+
+She chuckled. "G'long; stop your kidding!" And she kicked playfully at
+me. Then she assumed a mincing air--finger on chin, lips pursed, and
+eyes rolling upward, you know.
+
+"Yes, another sweet young peacherino--Miss Billings' little room-mate--a
+beef that hits the beam at about two-sixty--Little Lizzie, you know."
+
+"Lizzie!" I repeated vaguely.
+
+"Oh, say, Dicky, cut it out; let me finish. Well, another minute, and
+the Pet would have been put to sleep, but just then the coppers nailed
+us." She added gloomily: "And that's what queered me with Sis. Fierce,
+ain't it?"
+
+She sighed and her beautiful lashes drooped sadly. By Jove, I was so
+jolly floored I couldn't manage a word. I knew, of course, that my heart
+was broken, but it didn't matter. I loved her just the same; I should
+always love her; and she had tried to let me know she loved me better
+than any man she had ever met. What the deuce did anything else matter,
+anyhow? We would marry and go out on a ranch or something of that sort,
+where the false, polished what-you-call-it of civilization didn't count,
+and no rude rebuff or sneer of society would ever chill her warm
+impulsiveness.
+
+She smiled archly. "See here, Dicky, I thought we were going to tell
+each other the story of our lives. Your turn now; tell me how she looks
+to you, this girl that came at last--there's always the one girl comes
+at last, they say, if you wait long enough. Go on--tell me--what's she
+like?"
+
+"Of course, you don't know!" I said significantly.
+
+"Me? Of course I wouldn't know--I want you to tell me. Say, is she
+really so pretty?"
+
+"Pretty," indeed! It was like this adorable child of nature not to
+understand that she was the most perfect and faultless creation on
+earth!
+
+I leaned toward her. "_Is_ she pretty?" I repeated reproachfully.
+
+She eyed me slyly.
+
+"Oh, of course I know how _you_ feel," she said, "but draw me a
+_picture_ of her."
+
+"A picture!" I laughed. "All right, here goes: Eighteen, 'a daughter of
+the gods, divinely tall and most divinely fair'--that sort of thing.
+Features classic--perfect oval, you know, and profile to set an artist
+mad with joy. Eyes? Blue as Hebe's, but big and true and tender; hair, a
+great, shining nugget of virgin gold. Form divine--the ideal of a poet's
+dream--the alluring, the elusive, the unattainable, the despair of the
+sculptor's chisel."
+
+"My!" said Miss Billings, staring.
+
+But I was not through. "Complexion? Her skin as smooth as the heart of a
+seashell and as delicately warm as its rosy blush when kissed by the
+amorous tide."
+
+"Gee!" ejaculated my darling.
+
+I looked at her closely. "And in one matchless cheek a dimple divine
+such as might have been left by the barbed arrow of Cupid when it awoke
+Psyche from her swoon of death. In short, she might be the dainty fairy
+princess of our childhood fantasies, were she less superb in figure. On
+the other hand, she might be the sunny-haired daughter of a Viking king,
+were she not too delicately featured and molded."
+
+That was all I could remember from the description as I had read it in a
+novel, but I was glad I had stored it up, by Jove, for it suited her to
+a dot. She didn't say a word for a moment, but just sat there eying me
+kind of sidewise, her little upper lip lifted in an odd way. Then of a
+sudden she shook her head and swung her knees up over the arm of her
+chair.
+
+"Well, Dicky, as a describer you sure are the slushy spreader. Say,
+you've got Eleanor Glyn backed off the boards."
+
+She went on eagerly: "I don't care, though; slushy or not, your
+picture's just perfect for _her_. Why, your girl must be a ringer for
+the girl at Radcliffe. Only thing you left out was the freckle on the
+chin."
+
+Freckle on the chin! By Jove, I left it out on purpose, for I thought
+she might not like it. I wondered if all girls at Radcliffe had freckles
+on the chin.
+
+She lay back, regarding me inscrutably. "If she looks like that," she
+sighed, "you ought to love her very much, Dicky."
+
+I couldn't say anything, for words are so deuced inadequate, you know.
+But I just made an effort to look it all.
+
+"Of course," sighing, "you ought to feel that way; and, another thing,
+Dicky: you'll never forget where you first saw her, will you? One of the
+things one never forgets."
+
+"Right in this room," I murmured; "and in that wicker chair."
+
+"Really?" Her surprised ejaculation was delicious. By Jove, how
+entrancingly coquettish of her! How jolly clever!
+
+"Go on; tell me how she was dressed--never mind any more picture
+business; just tell me in four or five words. Bet you can't do it!" She
+slipped over again to the arm of my chair.
+
+In her eyes was a challenge and I took it up.
+
+"In black silk pajamas," I said daringly.
+
+Her blue eyes opened wide. For a moment I feared she would be offended
+at my audacity, but her birdlike carol of laughter reassured me.
+
+"Say, _you're_ not so slow, _are_ you?"
+
+And her hand came down on my back with a force that made me jump.
+
+"Only shows," she gurgled merrily, "how little Jack knows about you.
+Say, you'd better never tell _him_ about those black pajamas!"
+
+She spoke chokingly through a storm of laughter as she rocked there
+against my shoulder.
+
+"And say--the joke of it!" She banged me on the back with a clublike
+blow, incredible from that little hand. "The joke of it is, he thought
+I'd be so safe with you! Oh, mamma!"
+
+And off she went again.
+
+I shifted uneasily. I did not like it--her merriment over what was
+perfectly obvious and rational. Of course, Billings knew she would be
+safe. Why the deuce shouldn't he?
+
+But the matter of the pajamas was another thing. Her receiving me in
+them was a contingency I could not possibly have anticipated and
+avoided, and yet a withdrawal because of them or even because of her
+presence here had been shown to be a course inexplicable to her. She was
+too innocent, too ingenuous, too _ingenue_ to understand that I was
+invading the sanctuary of her privacy. Yet to have taken any course that
+would have appeared to make correction of her error come from me would
+have been appallingly caddish and cruel. No, the best course had seemed
+to be to go right on--take no notice--and then, as soon as she retired,
+slip away to the club. That seemed the gentlemanly thing.
+
+Yet now her words implied a certain consciousness that her brother might
+frown upon her attire, might even visit me with reproach. I was
+troubled, and her next speech was not calculated to reassure me.
+
+"But I'll--I'll never say a word, Dicky," she said, coming out of her
+laughter and panting breathlessly. "Never! And don't _you_,
+Dicky--don't you ever! Understand? Mum's the word!"
+
+I looked up distressfully to protest, but her little head was shaking
+earnestly, the long, delicate hair wisps about her forehead wavering
+like tiny, curling wreaths of golden smoke.
+
+"No, sir," she emphasized soberly; "if you ever let _that_ cat out of
+the bag, it'll be all up with _me_--I mean Jack will never let me come
+again. You must promise me."
+
+"But--"
+
+"Oh, but me no 'buts'--_promise_!"
+
+"Why, then--er--of course, if you wish it."
+
+"That's right, because I want to come again--that is, if you _want_ me.
+But if Brother Jack was on to you, Dicky, as I am, he would sooner have
+me at a hotel, that's all."
+
+"But my dear Frances--"
+
+"I tell you I _know_, Dicky; he doesn't approve of young ladies in
+pajamas." She chuckled. "Not even black ones."
+
+She stood up, looking at herself and performing a graceful pirouette
+before the long pier glass.
+
+"Now, if they had been crimson," she proceeded, "he might have felt
+different. Old Jack's great on Harvard, and so am I."
+
+Of course. All Radcliffe girls were, I knew.
+
+By Jove, how I wished I could show her the lovely crimson pajamas
+Mastermann had sent me from China! But I would have to summon Jenkins
+to find them, and besides, it would be of questionable taste to present
+them to her attention.
+
+"Great idea, this, having pajamas in your college colors," she said. I
+thought so, too, as I noted admiringly the rich effect of her golden
+head above the black silk. But I thought the color a devilish odd
+one--somber, you know--for colors of a young girl's school.
+
+"My! my!" she murmured, "wouldn't I just love _to live_ in pajamas--just
+go about in 'em all the time, you know! Why can't we, I wonder?" Her
+face flashed me a ravishing smile; and while I was blinking over her
+question, she went on: "Funny how the girls even are taking to 'em--even
+Sis wears 'em!" She chuckled: "Hers are gray flannellette. But the girl
+I'm telling you about--_she_ don't; Sis told the mater about it. It
+seems that before she left China, some high muck-a-muck gave her
+governor a swell pair of silk ones--something like these, I guess, but I
+don't know of what color. But, anyhow, they were too delicate and fine
+to be wasted on an old stiff like that, and he had sense enough to know
+it. So he passed 'em down the line to her--Frances, you know. Well,
+sir--" Here she sidled to the table and half leaned, half perched, upon
+its edge; and I was so distracted watching her graceful poise and
+gestures, that I lost what she was saying, by Jove.
+
+It was her trill of laughter at something she had said, and the
+question: "Wasn't that funny?" that brought me back to what she was
+telling me.
+
+"Yes, sir--said she just scared her maid--oh, _batty_! Because
+she looked so ugly in 'em--that's what _she_ thinks, but of
+course--_shucks_! Anyhow, she never wore 'em any more, and a day or two
+later some coolie stole them--sold 'em probably."
+
+Suddenly she yawned, stretched her arms above her head, and flashed me a
+dazzling smile. By Jove, in the loose-fitting garments she looked for
+all the world like an Oriental houri, or some jolly lovely thing like
+that.
+
+"Gee, but I'm sleepy!" she said behind her little hand. "If you'll
+excuse me, Dicky, I believe it will be off to the springs--the bed
+springs, for little Frankie. Good night, then. See you in the morning."
+
+And with another radiant smile, she moved toward her room.
+
+"Good night," I said wistfully.
+
+By Jove, somehow I had hoped she would offer to kiss me, now that we
+were engaged in a way. But then, of course, it wouldn't do--she knew
+that. So ought I. Perhaps in the morning at the boat!
+
+And the door closed behind her. I stood blinking after her a moment;
+then I fixed my attention gloomily upon the cellarette. Poor little girl
+and her foolish--but adorably foolish--college bravado! Sorrowfully I
+locked the cellarette and dropped the key in my pocket.
+
+Then I locked the outer doors of the hall and apartment, leaving the
+keys unmolested on the inside. On the whole I decided I would not have
+up the janitor's gossipy wife.
+
+Next I sought Jenkins at the back.
+
+"We will lock up back here, Jenkins, and go over to my rooms at the club
+for the night."
+
+Jenkins stared fixedly over my head. "Certainly, sir."
+
+"And Jenkins--h'm!" I crumpled a bill into his mechanical palm. "You
+will never allude to having seen that sweet--um--you understand,
+Jenkins? Never seem to remember, even to me, that you ever saw any one
+up here to-night."
+
+"Certainly not, sir," indignantly. "I wouldn't, anyhow."
+
+Yet his eyes, rolling back from the ceiling, seemed to hold me oddly for
+an instant. In them was a touch of sadness.
+
+"But may I speak of that Mr. Billings, sir? You know, if he comes--"
+
+"Jenkins!" sharply.
+
+"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins' mouth closed, traplike.
+
+But all in vain my early rise the next morning, my careful toilet and my
+dash in a taxi to a florist and then to Tiffany's for a ring. At the
+pier I dodged about in the crowd, the boy trailing behind me with the
+big purple box, but not a devilish thing could I see of Frances. By
+Jove, I almost broke my monocle straining! At last I was sure she must
+be left, for the last passengers were passing over the gang-plank.
+
+"Hello, Dicky!"
+
+The voice, coarse and hearty, came from an athletic young man in a
+hurrah suit. On his head, perched jauntily above a mass of yellow hair,
+was a straw hat with a crimson band.
+
+I stared at him through my glass, but it was not any one I knew at all.
+I looked at him coldly, for there's nothing so devilish annoying as
+familiarities from strangers. I thought I could freeze him off.
+
+But he only grinned. "Looking for Miss Billings?"
+
+"I--I haven't seen her," I answered stiffly. But his question alarmed
+me.
+
+He chuckled in my face. "Guess you don't know her in her clothes, eh,
+Dicky?" And I did not need the punch he gave me in the side to make me
+stagger backward. "A thousand thanks, and good-by, old chap. I see
+they're hauling in the plank."
+
+He lingered for one bearlike grab at my hand.
+
+"And say, don't forget--for I know Jack Billings better than you
+do--don't ever let him know about all that Scotch last night."
+
+He called over his shoulder with a grin: "Keep it dark--as dark as those
+black pajamas, Dicky!"
+
+And as long as I could see, he stood on the deck, waving his hat at me
+as I stood there with my mouth open, my eyes following him with horror.
+
+By Jove, who was he, and what did he know?
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+HER BROTHER JACK
+
+
+"Good night, Dicky!" came up the elevator shaft. And then more "good
+nights," growing fainter with their laughter as the car shot down.
+
+"Good night," I called after them. "Devilish sorry you fellows won't
+stay longer!"
+
+"Jolly good lie, Jenkins," I said, yawning sleepily, as I dropped back
+into my own apartment.
+
+"Yes, sir," assented Jenkins demurely. "It's sleeping on the divan the
+other night, sir. Eight hours there ain't nothing like eight hours in
+bed and in your pajamas."
+
+"Pajamas!" I ejaculated, startled.
+
+For all day I had been thinking of _her_. I wondered if Billings would
+happen to think to invite me up for the week end. But he had so many
+times, and I had never gone.
+
+"By Jove, that reminds me," I said. "Those red silk pajamas!"
+
+"Yes, sir." Jenkins' face hardened in an odd, wooden way.
+
+"I was wondering, Jenkins, if those pajamas were torn any in our little
+row the other night."
+
+Poor Jenkins winced a little. "I think not, sir," he muttered
+humbly--"leastwise, they were all right last night when Mr.--" He seemed
+to catch himself abruptly. "I mean when I found them this morning, sir."
+
+He returned with the garments I had received from Mastermann, and again
+we spread them under the lamp on the table. They looked singularly
+smooth and unwrinkled. There was not a single tear or break, not even
+with the delicate cords that twisted to form the frogs of the coat.
+
+"My, sir! But ain't they red!" breathed Jenkins. "Them cords look like
+little red snakes."
+
+I cut an anxious glance at Jenkins, for I did not like his reference to
+snakes. Seemed ominous, somehow. But his appearance was composed and
+reassuring. And, by Jove, come to look, the cords did look just like
+tiny, coiled serpents of glowing fire. Why, they were so jolly red they
+hurt your eyes. Fact! And thin as the beautiful stuff was, this brighter
+red ran all over the other, covering every inch of it and forming the
+closest, finest what-you-call-it embroidery. It was as faint and dainty
+a pattern as that on a soap bubble! Fact is, I could not trace it, even
+with my glass.
+
+The only part that wasn't covered with this embroidery business was the
+stuff used to cover the knots, or little balls, over which the cords
+were meant to hook. In working with some of these cords, idly fastening
+and unfastening them, I got a little impatient with one that seemed
+tight, you know, and I used my manicure knife to pull the knot through.
+
+"Careful, sir," warned Jenkins. "Likely to cut something."
+
+By Jove! No sooner said, than I did it!
+
+The dashed blade slipped somehow and cut into the threads that tied the
+covers or caps or whatever-you-call-'ems, over the knots. And when I
+pulled, the beastly piece of silk came off in my fingers.
+
+And then--oh, but I say! I just gave a sort of yell and dropped the
+whole thing!
+
+Ever have some silly ass try to scare you by poking a red hot cigar at
+you in the dark? Know how you jerk back? Well, there you are! For, give
+you my word, when I peeled off the little cloth cap, regular blazes of
+crimson fire seemed to shoot from the end of the knot.
+
+Fact is, it wasn't a knot at all, but a button--a devilish glassy
+button, something bigger than a dime, perhaps, and thick as the end of
+your little finger. And there it lay against the silk, burning its way
+through it like a red coal of fire.
+
+Dashed if it didn't look that way, anyhow. I just sat there blinking
+like a jolly owl, waiting to see the stuff begin to smoke, before I had
+presence of mind to tell Jenkins to touch it to see if it would burn.
+
+But Jenkins wouldn't. He just stood there with his jaw hanging and his
+eyes bulging like champagne corks!
+
+And it was just then that Billings rolled in.
+
+I say "rolled in," because it always looks that way. That's the way
+Billings is built, you know.
+
+"I say, Dicky," he panted, "just missed another infernal express! Plenty
+more trains, but I had a great inspiration strike me that I'd let you
+put me up for the night. Hat, Jenkins! Now, don't say a word, Dicky, old
+chap. Cane, Jenkins! Great pleasure, assure you--won't inconvenience me
+at all. Gloves, Jenkins! Just give me something to sleep in, and I'll be
+as comfortable here as I would be at the club--so don't worry any about
+me, old chap. By the way, want to thank you for taking care of the kid.
+Got home all right, I understand."
+
+He plunked like a jolly elephant into the largest and most comfortable
+chair in the room and wheezed for breath.
+
+"And, Jenkins!" He raised one fat finger while he took a gasp. "Don't
+mind if I do have a package of Dicky's Koroskos and a sloe fizz--not too
+sweet, you know; and you may--"
+
+He halted, his eyes suddenly riveted to the table, and straightened
+inquiringly, his big hands poised upon the padded arms of the chair.
+
+"Suffering Thomas cats! What's that?" he exclaimed. "The scream
+there--flag of Morocco?"
+
+And then, without pausing for reply, he dashed on:
+
+"I say, old chap, if you're picking up those, I can get you a few for
+nothing. You know Higgins, cashier-that-was of the Widows' National,
+eh? Well, Higgins sent the governor a Morocco flag the other day from
+Tangier. Fact is, he sent one to every director of the bank--and an
+extra large one to that bank examiner!"
+
+He chuckled wabblingly, like a jolly jellyfish.
+
+"Talk about a red flag to a bull," he exploded, "why, they--"
+
+Billings broke off suddenly. Then he climbed heavily to his feet, and
+without warning, heaved himself across the room and seized the button I
+had just uncovered. Dashed if he didn't almost upset me.
+
+"Here, I say!" I protested. "Don't lose that cap." I picked it up from
+where he had jerked it to the floor. "It's the cover to hide that glass,
+you know."
+
+"Wh-a-a-t!"
+
+Billings swung round, staring at me with the most curious expression.
+
+"See here, Dicky," he exclaimed rather excitedly, but in a low tone, as
+he cut a side glance at Jenkins siphoning the fizz over at the
+cellarette. "What in thunder have you been doing now?"
+
+By Jove, I turned cold for a minute, I was that startled. I thought he
+was going to use the pajamas as an introduction for reference to last
+night. But in a minute I saw that he did not mean that.
+
+"Where on earth did _you_ get anything like this?" And he held up the
+button and the garment.
+
+"Oh, I say now!" I remonstrated, alarm changing to a mild dudgeon.
+Billings' devilish rude manners are so offensive at times. "What do you
+mean? It's a present from a friend in China."
+
+"Present!" Billings' eyes bulged queerly. He stooped toward me,
+whispering: "Did he know what this button was?"
+
+"Why, of course he didn't," I answered indignantly. "Never dreamed of
+it, of course. I tell you, it was all nicely covered, was
+what-you-call-it--upholstered, you know--with devilish nice silk. I cut
+it off accidentally, trying to force the thing through that loop. That
+left the marble exposed."
+
+Billings took the glass mechanically from the tray tendered by Jenkins
+and sipped it slowly, eying me curiously over the top. Then he set it
+back, very deliberately, wiped his mouth with the bit of napery, and
+without taking his glance from me, waited until Jenkins had left the
+room. Whereupon, after another searching look at the button, he dropped
+it with the garment upon the table, and with hands jammed deep in his
+pockets, faced me with a long-drawn whistle.
+
+"Well, I'll be hanged!" he exclaimed. Just a coarse, vulgar outburst,
+you know--no sense to it; no point at all, you know--that's Billings.
+
+He caught up the coat again. "And these others--four of them--are they
+just the same?" he demanded sharply.
+
+"Dash it, how should I know? I suppose so," I answered indifferently.
+And I closed my eyes and leaned back, feeling a bit--just a bit--weary.
+Somehow, Billings is always so exhausting when he gets started on
+something.
+
+"Oh, cut it out, old chap," I protested, drowsy-like.
+
+"I will," I heard him say. Then I guess I must have dropped off a bit,
+for the next thing I knew he was shaking me.
+
+"Dicky! Dicky! Say, look here! _Look_, I tell you!"
+
+I did look, and--well, I was jolly vexed, that's all.
+
+"Oh, I say now!" I spoke severely--just that way, you know. I went on,
+remonstrating: "Devilish silly joke, if you ask me. You've gone and
+ruined the thing, Billings! Flashy buttons like that, you know--too
+tawdry, too cheap."
+
+"_Cheap!_" He almost shouted it. Then he leaned over the back of the
+leather chair and pounded his fat head against the cushions, writhing
+his big bulk from side to side.
+
+"Quite impossible," I said firmly. "Not _en regle_ at all, you know!"
+And I fixed my glass and stared gloomily at the things. The five shiny
+buttons just lay there against the delicate silk like so many fiery
+crimson cherries. And they reminded me of something--something--what the
+deuce was it? Something devilish familiar, whatever it was. And then of
+a sudden I had it!
+
+"By Jove, you know!" And I just fell back in consternation. "This is
+awful! I'd look like a--er--dashed human cocktail. Oh, I say!"
+
+Then Billings, who was already gasping like a jolly what's-its-name,
+dropped upon the arm of the chair and held his side.
+
+"Dicky, you--you'll be the death of me yet," he panted.
+
+I never try to follow Billings. Nobody ever does. So I paid no attention
+to him. Shaking his head, he lifted the garment again and held it out of
+the direct rays of the shaded lamp. The five buttons leaped out of the
+shadow like port lights down the bay on a moonless night.
+
+He leered at me, chuckling. "Look _cheap_ to you, eh? What you might
+call _outre_, so to speak?"
+
+"By Jove, of course," I answered ruefully. "I can't sleep in the things
+now, you know. What would people say?"
+
+Billings stared at me disagreeably a moment and said something under his
+breath. Then he caught up the buttons and the silk, and crushing them in
+his hands, buried his face in the mass.
+
+"Oh you beauties, you darlings!" I heard him murmur.
+
+Then he looked at the buttons again, and dash it, he kissed one.
+Maudlin--jolly maudlin, I say, if you ask me!
+
+"I say, Dicky," he said carelessly. "You may not care for them, but I've
+taken rather a shine to these buttons. Mind letting me have one, eh?"
+
+He flashed a quick glance at me and then away.
+
+"Mind? Why, certainly not; take 'em all, old chap, and welcome." Yet I
+responded gloomily enough, scarcely polite, you know. And I felt too
+jolly prostrated to be curious as to what he could possibly want with
+the things. Waistcoat buttons, likely--Billings was given to loud dress
+and other bounder stunts. But he just sat there looking down after I
+spoke, and presently stole a queer glance at me.
+
+"Dicky," he said, and paused. Then he fished out that perfectly
+impossible pipe of his and began to pack it, slowly shaking his head.
+"Dicky, anybody that would take advantage of you would lift a baby's
+milk gurgler."
+
+Of course, I saw no more sense in that than you do, you know, but I
+understood that in his crude, vulgar way he meant some sort of a
+compliment.
+
+"Dash it, of course," I said offhand, straightening up and recrossing my
+legs. I always say that and do that way when fellows say stupid things.
+Such a jolly good way to keep from hurting their feelings, you know, and
+saves talking and thinking. Got on to it myself.
+
+Billings' eye ranged at me as he lighted his pipe. The smoke seemed to
+make him cough, and it was this, I suppose, that set him chuckling.
+
+He suddenly held up the row of red buttons again.
+
+"Look here, you blessed dodo," he exclaimed brusquely. "Have you really
+no idea what these are, these glass buttons you are yapping about? Of
+course you haven't, you jolly chowder head, but I'm going to tell you."
+
+He threw the coat into my lap.
+
+"They are rubies, old man, that's all," he said quietly. "Oriental
+rubies, at that--flawless and perfect--the rarest and most precious
+things in the world."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+AN AMAZING REVELATION
+
+
+I stared blankly at Billings. "Rubies!" I gasped.
+
+He nodded. "Genuine pigeon bloods, my son, no less."
+
+"Oh, come now, Billings," I protested. I felt a little miffed, just a
+little you know. So jolly raw to try it on that way.
+
+"By jove, old chap, you must think me a common ass," I suggested
+disgustedly.
+
+Billings grinned at the very idea.
+
+"_You_ a common ass, Dicky?" he ejaculated. "Nobody who knows you would
+ever think that, old man."
+
+"But, I say--"
+
+"See here, Dicky boy, I'm in dead earnest," he interrupted eagerly.
+"Don't you remember my one fad--gems? Got enough tied up in them to
+build two apartment houses as big as this. Best amateur collection in
+New York, if I do say it. But I haven't anything like one of these
+rubies, and neither has any one else--no one else in this country,
+anyhow. There's nothing like them in all New York, from Tiffany's down
+to Maiden Lane, and never has been. I never saw anything like--near
+like any of them--except the one in the Russian crown of Anna Ivanovana.
+That's bigger, but it hasn't the same fire."
+
+I just laughed at him. "Why, Billings, these pajamas were sent me by a
+friend in China, and I assure you--"
+
+"Assure? What can you assure--what do _you_ know about it?" said
+Billings rudely. "What did your friend know, or the one he had these
+things from--or the one before him--or the one still before that?
+Pshaw!" And he snapped his fingers.
+
+With his hand he swept up the little caps and the long, wirelike threads
+that held them and sniffed the handful curiously.
+
+"H'm! Funky sort of aromatic smell--balsam, cedar oil or something like
+that," he muttered half aloud. "That accounts for the preservation. But
+still--"
+
+He crossed his legs and puffed thoughtfully.
+
+"Tell you how I figure this out, Dicky," he said finally. "These
+nighties your friend has sent you are awfully rare and old; and for
+delicate, dainty elegance and that sort of thing they've got everything
+else in the silk way shoved off the clothes-line. But as to these
+jewels, you can just bet all you've got that whoever passed them on was
+not wise to them being under these covers."
+
+Here he got to looking at one of the buttons and murmuring his
+admiration--regular trance, you know.
+
+"By Jove!" I remarked, just to stir him up a bit. And he unloaded a
+great funnel of smoke and continued:
+
+"My theory is that during some danger, some mandarins' war, likely,
+somebody got cold feet about these jewels and roped them in with these
+bits of silk--see how different they are from the rest of the stuff!
+Then, when the roughhouse came, these pajamas were swept along in the
+sacking--sort of spoils of pillage, you know. It was a clever method of
+concealment--clever because simple--a hiding place unlikely to be
+thought of because right under the eye. You recall Poe's story of _The
+Purloined Letter_?"
+
+I tried to remember. "Can't say I do, dear boy," I had to admit. "Don't
+seem to place that one. Only one I remember hearing him tell is that one
+he brought back from Paris. Let me see--_The Story of the Lonely
+Lobster_, I think he called it." I chortled delightedly as it came back
+to me. "By Jove, that was devilish neat! Don't know when I've ever
+heard--"
+
+An offensive remark by Billings interrupted me.
+
+"Here, Dicky, Dicky, what do you think you're talking about?" he added
+rudely. Evidently his mind had wandered from the subject. So I replied
+with dignity--dignity, with just a touch of sarcasm:
+
+"Pogue--'Mickey' Pogue of our club. Perhaps you don't know Mickey
+Pogue?" And, by Jove, that fetched him! He stared at me a moment, and
+then, getting up, he reached over and solemnly shook me by the hand.
+
+"Dicky," he said, wagging his head, "I apologize. You take the
+_brioche_!" And he turned his back a second.
+
+I asked Billings how much he thought one of the rubies was worth. I had
+in mind how devilish hungrily he had looked at them. But he sighed, then
+frowned and answered impatiently:
+
+"That's it! That's the trouble about all the rare and beautiful things
+of this life! Always some debasing, prohibitive sordid money value,
+dammit!"
+
+He squinted at the stones again and let the weight of one rest upon his
+finger. He shook his head, sighing.
+
+"Well, they're over twenty carats each, and therefore, of course, many
+times the value of first water diamonds. After you get above five carats
+with real Oriental rubies, diamonds are not in it."
+
+With an abrupt gesture he pushed the things away and rose. His pipe had
+gone out, but I noticed that he did not relight it. I held the gems full
+in the rays of the lamp, and Billings paused, holding a hungry gaze over
+his shoulder.
+
+"I say, Billings, how much did you say one was worth?" I asked
+carelessly. For a moment he did not reply, but muttered to himself.
+
+"I didn't say," he finally replied, and rather crossly. Then he whirled
+on me impulsively. "See here, Lightnut," he exclaimed, "if you'll let me
+have one of those for my collection, I'll give you twenty-five thousand
+for it--there!"
+
+He gulped and continued:
+
+"I'll have to make some sacrifices, but I don't mind that. I--"
+
+But I shook my head. Really, I could hardly keep from laughing in his
+face.
+
+
+"Sorry! Can't see it, old chap," I said. "Wouldn't sell one of them at
+any price."
+
+Billings gulped again. "I suppose not; don't blame you. Way you're
+fixed, you don't have to." He walked slowly to the window and back.
+"Take my advice, Dicky, and get those fire coals into your safe deposit
+vault first thing in the morning. Hello, you're cutting them off! That's
+wise."
+
+For with the knife he had left on the table I was cutting away the tough
+threads that held the rubies. I cut off the second and fourth, leaving
+the first ruby at the collar and the other two alternates.
+
+"Go on," said Billings, as I laid down the knife. "You've only removed
+two."
+
+"Don't believe I'll cut off any more," I said. "Want you to help me tie
+up the others just as they were."
+
+"What!"
+
+I insisted. And though Billings protested and argued and even called me
+names, we did as I said.
+
+For, by Jove, you know it was perfectly clear that if they had been safe
+so long under the little covers, the jewels couldn't find any better
+place. Singular thing Billings couldn't see it. Besides, the pajamas
+had to have fastenings, you know.
+
+I held one of the two rubies under the light, and, by Jove, I almost
+dropped it--did drop my glass. Seeing a red-hot poker-point in your
+fingers would give you the same turn.
+
+"Rippers, Billings! Simply rippers!" I exclaimed.
+
+I held the other ruby beside its fellow. Then I waited, listening, and I
+heard Billings' hand strike down on the back of a chair.
+
+"I guess I'll be going, old chap," he said gruffly. "Think I'd better,
+after all." He cleared his throat. "Sure you can't sell me one, Dicky?"
+Dashed if his voice didn't tremble.
+
+"Quite sure, dear boy," I murmured, without turning around. "Not mine,
+you know--these two."
+
+Billings exploded then. It seemed an opportunity to relieve himself.
+"Not yours! Why, you dod-gasted idiot, you nincompoop, you cuckoo, you
+chicken head! What notion have you got in that fool's noddle now? If
+those rubies are not yours, whose do you think they are?"
+
+I whirled about quickly. "Yours," I said, and laid them in his hand.
+
+"My compliments, old chap," I added, smiling. By Jove! One time, at
+least, I put it all over old Billings!
+
+"No!" he gasped, crouching over and gripping my shoulder.
+
+I grinned cheerfully.
+
+He fell into a chair and just sat there mouthing at me and then at the
+jewels in his hand. Old boy looked devilish silly. Really acted like he
+had some sort of stroke--that sort of thing.
+
+I laughed at him.
+
+"Don't you see?" I said, trying to explain. "Wouldn't have known a
+dashed thing about the buttons being rubies but for you. So lucky they
+came to me so I can get a chance to help out your collection. Awfully
+glad, old chap."
+
+He clenched the jewels, and looked down.
+
+"Dicky--" He coughed a little huskily as he paused. "Dicky." His voice
+was so low I could hardly hear him. "Dicky, you're off your trolley, and
+I'm a damned--"
+
+He raised his arm and dropped it.
+
+"Well, never mind what," he finished with a lift of the shoulders. "But
+I want to say something. It's about what I offered you for those stones.
+The price--the amount I named--wasn't even a decent gamble; but it was
+all I could go, and oh, I wanted one so badly, Dicky! And now you've
+made me feel like a dog. And I can't take your gift, old chap, any more
+than I could afford to offer you the real value of one of these
+beautiful stones. Here." And he passed them back to me.
+
+"I _know_ each of them to be worth anywhere from forty to fifty thousand
+dollars," he said quietly. "They're the kind the crowned heads scoop for
+jewels of state."
+
+I nodded, and, getting up carelessly, I strolled to a window.
+
+"Devilish lovely night," I said, poking my head out. And it was. Stars
+overhead and all that sort of thing, and lots of them below, too--I
+could hear them singing over on Broadway.
+
+"All right, old chap; then here they go into the street," I said. "If my
+friend can't have 'em, then no jolly crowned heads shall. That's flat!"
+
+Billings started forward with a regular scream.
+
+I waved him back. "Don't come any nearer, old chap," I said, holding my
+arm out of the window, "or, dash me, I'll drop them instantly. Six
+stories, you know--stone flagging below."
+
+"But, Dicky--"
+
+"If you don't say you'll take 'em, time I count three, I'll give 'em a
+toss, by Jove! One!"
+
+"Here, Dicky! Don't be a--"
+
+"Two!" I counted. No bluff, you know; I meant jolly well to do it.
+
+"Just one word--one second, Dicky!" he yelled. "Let me off with one,
+then. Dicky! Dicky, old chap! Be a good sportsman!"
+
+I hesitated. Dash it, one hates to take an advantage.
+
+Billings stretched out his arm appealingly. "Do, old chap!" he pleaded.
+"Give me just one--one only!"
+
+His hand shook like a quivering what's-its-name leaf.
+
+I yielded reluctantly: "Oh, well then, call it off with one," I said.
+And with a sigh I tossed him one of the rubies and dropped the other in
+the pocket of my smoking-jacket. Billings wiped his forehead, and then
+he thanked me and wiped his eyes.
+
+"So good of you to give in, old chap," he snuffled. "Never will forget
+you for it!"
+
+"Oh, I say, chuck it, you know!" I protested.
+
+"Whole family will thank you," he went on in his handkerchief. "Princely
+magnanimity and all that sort of thing--you'll just _have_ to come up
+for the week end with me this--"
+
+"I _will_!" I reached forward eagerly and insisted on shaking hands. By
+Jove, what luck!
+
+And Billings looked regularly overcome. All he could do was just shake
+his head and pump my arm. Why, dash it, this seemed to affect him more
+even than giving in about the ruby. It was the first time I had ever
+accepted his invitation, you know.
+
+"Tell you what, old chap," he said, as soon as he could speak. "I'm
+going to tell you what to do with that other stone. You save that for
+_her_."
+
+"Her!" By Jove, I was so startled I lost the grip on my monocle.
+Billings nodded emphatically.
+
+"Yes, sir--for _her_; she'll be along one of these days."
+
+"By Jove, you know!" I was almost dizzy with a sudden idea. I fished out
+the jewel and held it before my glass, squinting doubtfully at it. I
+wondered if it was _good_ enough for "her."
+
+"I say, Billings," I murmured thoughtfully. "Blondes or brunettes, you
+know--which wear rubies?"
+
+"Both!" He said it with a kind of jaw snap. "They wear anything in the
+jewel line they can freeze on to."
+
+"But which--"
+
+"The worst? Blondes, my boy--blondes, every time; especially those going
+around in black." Billings spoke gloomily. "Let me tell you, my boy--and
+I _know_--don't you ever have anything to do with a blonde if she's in
+_black_, especially black silk--hear?"
+
+By Jove, his uplifted finger and fierce way of saying it gave me a
+regular turn, you know. But then there was the ruby, and I was thinking
+that--
+
+"Perhaps the four of them in a bracelet," I muttered, "with something
+else to help out. They _might_ do."
+
+"They might," said Billings in a tone of coarse sarcasm. "They might do
+for a queen!"
+
+I flashed a quick look at him. "Just what _I_ was thinking," I answered
+gently.
+
+"Meantime," said Billings, yawning, "let's go to bed."
+
+And just as I rang for Jenkins I suddenly was seized with a perfectly
+ripping idea that checked a long yawn right in the middle and almost
+broke my jaw. For I saw how I could do something handsome that would
+even up with Billings in a way for the ruby he wouldn't take.
+
+"Tell you what, old chap," I said, slapping him on the shoulder, "_you_
+are going to have them to-night!"
+
+"Have--have what?" burst from him. "Rubies? I tell you I won't take
+another--"
+
+"Rubies!" I ejaculated contemptuously. "Rubies nothing! Something
+better--something worth while, dash it!"
+
+I saw he would never guess it.
+
+"Why, you shall sleep in the pajamas from China," I exclaimed. And
+gathering them, I placed them in his hands.
+
+"By George, Dicky!" Billings' face showed feeling. "How infernally
+clever of you, old chap! How thundering timely, too!"
+
+He held them up singly, studying their outlines critically.
+
+"And see here, Dicky--why, great Thomas cats!" His eyes turned on me
+wonderingly. "Never noticed it before--did you? But I do believe they
+are just my size!"
+
+His size! By Jove, I had forgotten all about the item of size! I just
+collapsed into a chair as he said good night, and sat there blinking in
+a regular stupefaction of horror as his door closed behind him.
+
+For he was devilish sensitive about his bulk, and I dared not say a
+word.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION
+
+
+"Oh, but I say, it's impossible, you know!" And I stared at Jenkins
+incredulously.
+
+He grinned foolishly. "I know, sir; but he's in 'em, just the same, and
+I must say they do fit lovely--just easy-like."
+
+"By Jove!" I gasped helplessly. "Then the jolly things must be made of
+rubber, that's all! Why, look here, he weighs over three hundred pounds,
+you know!"
+
+Jenkins' head wagged sagaciously. "I think that's how it is, sir; it's
+wonderful what they do with rubber now; my brother wears a rubber cloth
+bandage that ain't no bigger 'round than my arm when it's off of him,
+and he--"
+
+"Dare say," I said sleepily as I fell back upon my pillow. "Good night,
+Jenkins; hope you'll get enough sleep to make up for the other night."
+
+Jenkins sighed as he punched out the light. "Thank you, sir--and good
+night," he murmured.
+
+How long I slept I can not tell, as they say in stories, you know; but I
+was brought jolly wide awake by a light that shone through the
+bedroom's open door. For if there's one thing will wake me quicker than
+everything else it's a light in the room at night. Fact is, I always
+want it as black as the what's-its-name cave, or else I can't sleep. And
+this light came from the small electric stand on the writing-desk. I
+could tell that by the way it shone.
+
+And just then the little silver gong in there chimed three. Jolly rum
+hour for anybody to be up unless they were having some fun or were sick.
+So I raised my head and called softly:
+
+"Jenkins--er--Billings!"
+
+No answer. Reluctantly I swung out and stepped within the next room. Not
+a soul there, by Jove! Then I moved over to Billings' door, which was
+wide open for coolness, like my own. I could not see the shadowed alcove
+in which the bed was placed, and so I stood there hesitating, hating
+awfully to risk the possibility of disturbing him, don't you know. And
+just then my eyes, ranging sleepily across the room toward the private
+hall, were startled by the apparition of an open doorway.
+
+Startled, all right! And yet, by Jove, I was in such a jolly fog, I just
+stood there, nodding and batting at it for a full minute before I could
+take it in.
+
+"What I call devilish queer," I decided. I walked over and stuck my head
+out into the dark hall.
+
+"Billings! Jenkins!" I whispered.
+
+By Jove, not a word! Everything as silent as the tomb!
+
+I didn't like it a bit--so mysterious, you know. Besides, dash it, the
+thing was getting me all waked up! I just knew if once I got excited and
+thoroughly awake, it would take me nearly ten minutes to get to sleep
+again. And, by Jove, just then the excitement came, for I got hold of
+the fact after I had stared at it a while, that the door of my apartment
+opening into the outer corridor was standing ajar. Why, dash it, it was
+not only standing, it was moving. Then suddenly the broad streak of
+light from the corridor widened under the impulse of a freshening
+breeze, and the door swung open with a bang.
+
+And then I heard my name spoken.
+
+
+By Jove, I had been standing there with my mouth open, bobbing my head
+like a silly dodo; but, give you my word, I was suddenly wide awake as a
+jolly owl wagon!
+
+Away down the corridor, by the mail chute, a man was standing, reading a
+framed placard. Nothing particularly remarkable in this, but as the door
+banged he turned his head sharply and ejaculated:
+
+"Dammit! Now, that will wake Lightnut!"
+
+I was surprised, because I couldn't recall ever having seen him before;
+yet, standing as he did under the light, I had opportunity for a
+devilish good view.
+
+He was a heavy set old party, rather baldish, with snowy mutton chops
+and a beefy complexion that was jolly well tanned below the hatband
+line, you know. The kind of old boy you size up as one of the prime
+feeder sort and fond of looking on the wine when it is Oporto red. Had
+something of the cut of the retired India colonels one sees about the
+Service clubs in London--straight as a lamp post still, but out of
+training and in devilish need of tapping--that sort of duck, you know!
+
+What a respectable-looking old party might be up to, wandering around a
+bachelor apartment building at three in the morning, was none of my
+business. What's more, you know, I didn't care a jolly hang. But the
+thing that dashed me was that just as I moved toward the door to close
+it, he uttered my name again and came straight toward me as though to
+speak.
+
+So I had to wait, by Jove, for I couldn't close the door in his face.
+Awfully rotten thing to do--that, you know.
+
+"Lost his floor and wants to inquire," I decided.
+
+And then as he toddled across the last yard and stopped before me, I saw
+that the old chap was in his night things--some darkish sort of pajamas.
+
+His bushy white eyebrows puckered in a frown.
+
+"Hello! Just afraid my moving around was going to get you up--infernal
+shame!" he said in a thunder growl.
+
+I smiled feebly but politely. "Devilish considerate old cock," was my
+thought. "Means well."
+
+Aloud I said: "Not at all, you know. Up anyhow."
+
+Then I moved the door just a little--just a wee suggestive inch or two,
+you know, hoping he would go.
+
+But, by Jove, he just walked right in!
+
+Then he leaned against the wall in the corridor and chuckled.
+
+"By George!" he exclaimed with a leer that showed his almost toothless
+old gums. "Bet you never would guess what I got up for!"
+
+No, dash it, I didn't even care to try. I just coughed a little.
+
+"He, he!" he giggled. "Woke up and remembered had promised Flossie
+Fandango of _The Parisian Broilers_ a box of steamer flowers. Gad, she
+sails at ten; so I piled out and shot off a note to my florist, special
+delivery. Been trying to find out from that infernal card back there
+when's the first collection from the box below. You don't know, do you?"
+
+By Jove, one of those foot-in-the-grave old stage-door Johnnies! The
+surprise took my breath.
+
+"Why, the cheesy old sport!" I thought disgustedly. And I answered
+rather coldly: "Sorry, you know; no idea." And I opened the door wide.
+
+But the old rascal never moved; just stood there, chuckling horribly.
+
+"Well, she'll be back in the fall," he cackled. "And see here, old chap,
+will introduce you if you like. You need waking up!"
+
+And here I gave a jump and yelled "Ouch!"
+
+For the old fool had dug his thumb into my ribs. Only then did it dawn
+on me that he was drunk. Of course that was it, and unless I got rid of
+him the old bore would stand and twaddle the rest of the night. I
+reached for his hand and shook it.
+
+"We'll have a talk about it some time," I said pleasantly. "Just now,
+don't you think we'd better each get to bed? So devilish late, you
+know."
+
+He slapped me on the shoulder with a blow that almost brought me to the
+floor. Felt like he struck me with a ham, don't you know!
+
+"Right, old chap," he said; "very delicately put; won't keep you up
+another minute. Believe I'd like a drink first, though, if you don't
+mind."
+
+Devilish bored as I was, I decided the easiest escape was to humor him.
+
+"All right," I said, leaving the door open and stepping into the room;
+"I'll get you a glass of water."
+
+"Water!" he exclaimed, following me right in. "Say, don't get funny;
+it's not becoming to you." He leered at me hideously.
+
+He went right to the corner where stood my cellarette. By Jove, give you
+my word I was so devilish stupefied I couldn't bring out a word. I
+wasn't sure what was coming, and as I didn't want Billings' rest
+disturbed, I quietly closed the door of his room.
+
+The old cock in the black pajamas had uncorked a bottle and was smelling
+its contents. He grimaced over his shoulder.
+
+"That's infernally rotten Scotch, I say!" he exclaimed with a sort of
+snort. "Regular sell, by George!"
+
+I was glad Billings didn't hear him, for it had been a present from him
+only the week before.
+
+"Suppose I'll have to go the rye," he grumbled; and, grinning at me
+familiarly, he poured himself a drink. He tossed it off, neat. I
+reflected that perhaps he would go quietly now.
+
+"Well," I said, advancing, "I expect you're anxious to get to your
+quarters, so I'll say good night." I extended my hand. "That ought to
+fetch him," I thought, "if he's a gentleman, no matter how jolly corked
+he may be."
+
+In my grasp his hand felt like a small boxing glove, but when I glanced
+at it I saw that it was not unusual.
+
+The old duck pumped my arm solemnly and cast his eyes to the ceiling.
+
+"Fa-are-we-e-ll, old f-friend!" he murmured in a husky tremolo,
+deflecting the corners of his mouth and wagging his bald pate. "If I
+don't see you again I'll have the river dragged!"
+
+And then, instead of going, dash me if the old fool didn't flop down
+into Billings' favorite chair and reach for Billings' cigarettes that he
+had left on the tabouret.
+
+He waved his hand at me. "Oh, you go on to bed, Lightnut," he said,
+puffing away with iron nerve. "All the sleep's out of me, dammit! I'll
+just sit here and read and smoke as long as I like, then I'll go in
+there and turn in." A jerk of his doddering head indicated Billings'
+room.
+
+By Jove, I hardly knew what to do! I was regularly bowled over, don't
+you know. I was up against a crisis--that's what--a crisis.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know--" I started remonstrating, and just then I gasped
+with relief at the welcome sight of Jenkins, peeking round the
+door-frame behind my visitor's back. His finger was on his lips and he
+beckoned me earnestly.
+
+At the same moment old whiskers shoved his chair up to the table,
+switched on the reading-lamp and reached for a magazine.
+
+"I'm on, sir," whispered Jenkins, as I joined him and we stepped aside.
+"Hadn't I better ring up the janitor on my house 'phone?"
+
+"By Jove, the very thing!" I agreed. "For he'll know where this chap
+belongs. A fiver, tell him, if he gets a move on. Hurry!"
+
+I slipped back into the room as Jenkins disappeared. The jolly old
+barnacle had discarded his cigarette and was critically selecting a
+cigar from my humidor.
+
+"I don't see why the devil you don't go to bed," he said, fixing himself
+comfortably with two chairs and lighting up.
+
+"I--I'm not sleepy," I stammered, perching on the corner of a chair.
+
+"I believe you're lying," he growled, scowling at me; "but if you're
+not sleepy, listen to this joke here--it's a chestnut, but it's
+infernally good."
+
+I never did know what the joke was, for I was listening for other sounds
+as he read. Suddenly I heard a whistle far down in the street; and I
+thought it was followed by a patter of running feet.
+
+Then came the quivering rhythm of the elevator rapidly ascending, and
+while the anecdote was still being droned out between chuckles, I
+slipped out again into the hall and rejoined Jenkins.
+
+"Janitor says there's no such tenant in this building as I described,"
+Jenkins imparted hurriedly. "Might be a guest, of course; but he doesn't
+remember ever seeing him. So he whistled for a cop, to be on the safe
+side, and caught two. Here they are, sir."
+
+Out from the elevator sprang the janitor, half-dressed and looking
+excited. Close on his heels came two big policemen.
+
+I stepped into the outer corridor and explained the situation. The
+officers nodded reassuringly.
+
+"'Nough said," one of them commented. "We'll have him out, sir."
+
+The janitor, who had been cautiously sighting through the door within,
+came running out.
+
+"He shifted around while I was looking, and I got a good look at him,"
+he said with some excitement, "and I never saw him before. I wouldn't
+forget _that_ mug!"
+
+"Suppose you take a squint at him yourself, O'Keefe," suggested the
+taller of the coppers. "You've been on this beat so long."
+
+In a minute or two O'Keefe came slipping back hurriedly. He drew his
+companion aside.
+
+"Tell you what, Tim," I heard him say, "do you know, I'm after thinking
+it looks like old Braxton, known in the perfesh as 'Foxy Grandpa.' He's
+a swell con man, but has just finished a stretch at Copper John's for
+going through a flat in the Bronx. He's done murder once."
+
+The other turned to me.
+
+"May save a muss in your rooms if you'll just kinder call him out, sir,"
+he suggested. "It will be simpler." He grinned significantly and glanced
+at his night stick.
+
+"By Jove!" I ejaculated, looking at Jenkins. "By Jove, you know!"
+
+Jenkins coughed. "Just say you want to speak to him a minute, sir," he
+said. "They'll do the rest--h'm!"
+
+They all followed me into the hall, and I stepped to the doorway. And
+then I almost pitched forward, I was so devilish startled.
+
+For, as a crowning example of his daring and reckless conduct, the hoary
+old reprobate was emerging from Billings' room, his fingers overhauling
+the contents of my friend's wallet, even as he waddled along, and so
+absorbed that he never even saw me.
+
+"Ah!" he breathed in a heavy sigh of satisfaction; and out came his
+fingers, and in them, poised aloft, he held the ruby I had given to
+Billings. His bleary eyes gloated at it.
+
+"Mine!" he whispered. "Mine now to keep forever!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+IRON NERVE
+
+
+I just stood in the doorway, staring. Couldn't say a word, my throat was
+that paralyzed. First time, you know, I'd ever seen a real burglar or
+jolly hold-up man, and he looked so different from what I had expected.
+
+But I knew now, of course, that the policeman was right and that the
+respectable-looking old gentleman was no other than the desperate
+criminal described as "Foxy Grandpa." But for the intervention of
+outside assistance doubtless Billings and I might have had our throats
+cut by the conscienceless old geezer.
+
+He was so absorbed that he did not see me, nor the two helmets piking
+above my shoulder.
+
+"Up to his old tricks," O'Keefe whispered. "We've got him in the act,
+Tim!"
+
+"Great!" breathed Tim. "What won't the captain say!"
+
+O'Keefe's breath tickled my ear again and swept my nose. I've never seen
+beer or sauerkraut since but what I think of it!
+
+"Got your stick ready?" he was saying. "Best not take any chances;
+Braxton's a quick shooter, they say. When we jump him, better give him
+the club right off."
+
+Tim whispered an impatient demur. "That's all right; but I'm for coaxing
+him out here first. I don't want to tap him on the gentleman's rugs; if
+I do, I can tell you, it'll ruin 'em, that's all."
+
+He swept his hand across his tongue and gripped his stick tighter.
+
+Jenkins, at one side, bobbed his head up and down and smiled his
+admiration of this sentiment. He leaned nearer to me.
+
+"Just beckon him out, sir," his whisper advised. "Just tell him you want
+to show him something in the hall--cat, or anything will do. Just so you
+get him past the furniture and rugs, sir."
+
+I advanced a step into the room. I expected the old knave to be a bit
+dashed, don't you know. Not he; it never disquieted him a bit. Just gave
+me a careless leer and went back to the ruby. Somehow I began to feel
+riled. I'm not often taken that way, but this old scamp's persistent
+audacity and impudence went beyond anything I had ever heard of.
+
+"What in thunder's the matter with you, son?" he murmured, squinting
+hideously at the jewel. "You prowl around like you had a pain." Then he
+went right on:
+
+"Say, did you ever see anything so corking fine?" He looked up, holding
+the ruby in the light. "And to think how little I dreamed of scooping
+anything like that when I came in here to-night!"
+
+By Jove, this was a little too much, even for an easy-going chap like
+myself! The jolly worm will turn, you know.
+
+Dash me, before I knew what I was doing even, I had moved to his side
+and jerked the ruby from his hand. My face felt like a hot-water bottle
+as I did it.
+
+"You haven't got it yet," I said, "and I'll take devilish good care you
+don't get it."
+
+He fell back as though from a blow.
+
+"Why--why, old chap! Why, Lightnut!" he gasped. "What's the matter--what
+makes you look at me like that?"
+
+"Your liberties have gone just a bit too far, don't you know," I said,
+looking steadily in his fishy old eye. "I've had enough of you, by Jove,
+that's all!"
+
+He stared at me, and I could hear him breathing like a blacksmith's
+bellows. I would never have thought he had such lungs.
+
+Slowly his hand came out, and dash me if it wasn't shaking like he had
+the delirium what's-its-name. But for his tan, his face would have been
+as white as his hypocritical old whiskers.
+
+"Is this some infernal joke?" His face summoned a sickly smile that
+almost instantly faded. His hand fell back to his side. "Why, old
+fellow, you don't think that way about me, do you? As for the ruby, I--I
+don't want it now--I just want you to accept my apology for anything
+I've done, and--and let me get away."
+
+There was a short laugh from the doorway.
+
+"Likely enough," said Officer O'Keefe, his big figure swinging forward
+with long strides. "Keep him covered, Tim!"
+
+He planted himself between us with a grin.
+
+"You're 'it' again, Foxy! Jig's up. Will you go quietly?"
+
+It did me good to see how completely the old scoundrel was taken back.
+His wide distended bleary eyes shifted from O'Keefe to me and back
+again. It was a perfect surprise.
+
+I motioned to Jenkins to close the door of my friend's bedroom. So far,
+he had evidently slept serenely through all the trouble, and, if
+possible, I wanted to avoid arousing him now. For a fat man, Billings
+had the deuce of a temper when stirred up over anything like an
+imposition upon him, and it would only add to the confusion for him to
+appear on the scene and learn about his wallet and his treasured ruby
+that I had rescued.
+
+Foxy Grandpa's face had been rapidly undergoing a change. From pallor to
+pink it went; and then from pink to red. Now it was becoming scarlet. He
+threw his head back and faced me angrily.
+
+"Lightnut, will you tell me what the hell this means?" And his heavy
+voice thundered.
+
+"Here! Here! That'll be enough o' that," cried Officer O'Keefe sharply.
+"None of your grand-stand play here, or it'll be the worse for you. And
+no tricks, Braxton, or--"
+
+He clutched his stick menacingly.
+
+"Braxton!" snorted the old fellow. "Why, you born fool, my name's not
+Braxton!"
+
+"Not now," grinned O'Keefe. "Say, what _is_ your name now, Foxy?"
+
+"My name--" roared Foxy Grandpa, and paused abruptly. He looked rather
+blankly from one officer to the other.
+
+"See here; do I understand I'm under arrest?" he inquired.
+
+"You certainly are talking, Foxy," chuckled O'Keefe.
+
+"Then my name's Doe--John Doe," and I thought the fellow's quick glance
+at me held an appeal. Of what sort, I had no idea.
+
+"And what, may I ask, is the charge?" he asked again, with what was
+apparently a great effort at calmness.
+
+"Oh, come now, Braxton," said the officer in a tone of disgust, "stop
+your foolery; you're just using up time. Ain't it enough that you're in
+this building and in this gentleman's rooms?"
+
+"In his rooms!" exploded Foxy Grandpa. "Why, you lunkhead, this
+gentleman will tell you I am his guest!" He turned to me with a sort of
+angry laugh.
+
+"Tell him, Lightnut," he rasped. "I've had enough of this!"
+
+The big policeman's features expanded in a grin, while Tim doubled
+forward an instant, his blue girth wabbling with internal appreciation
+of the Foxy one's facetiousness; and the janitor snickered.
+
+Jenkins looked shocked. As for me, dash it, I never so wished for my
+monocle, don't you know!
+
+O'Keefe's head angled a little to give me the benefit of a surreptitious
+wink.
+
+"Oh, certainly," he said, his voice affecting a fine sarcasm; "if the
+gentleman says you're his _friend_--"
+
+"He's no friend of mine," I proclaimed indignantly. "Never saw him
+before in my life."
+
+Instead of being confounded, the artful old villain fell back with a
+great air of astonishment and dismay. By Jove, he managed to turn fairly
+purple.
+
+"Wha-a-t's that?" he gasped stranglingly and clutching at the collar of
+his pajamas. "Say that again, Dicky."
+
+I looked at him severely.
+
+"Oh, I say, don't call me 'Dicky,' either," I remonstrated quietly.
+"It's a name I only like to hear my intimate friends use."
+
+He kind of caught the back of a chair and glared wildly at me from under
+his bushy wintry eyebrows. The beefy rolls of his lower jaw actually
+trembled.
+
+"Don't you--haven't you always classed me as that, Dic--er--Lightnut?"
+he sort of whispered.
+
+By Jove, the effrontery of such acting fairly disgusted me. I looked him
+over from head to foot with measured contempt. "I don't know you at
+all," I said coldly, turning away.
+
+"Ye gods!" he wheezed, clutching at his grizzled hair.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+I SEND A MAN TO JAIL
+
+
+The two policemen shifted impatiently.
+
+"That'll about do, Foxy," growled O'Keefe. "It's entertaining, but
+enough of a thing--"
+
+But the old duffer caught his sleeve.
+
+"Wait!" he panted. "One second--wait--just one second!"
+
+He looked at Jenkins and ducked his neck forward, swallowing hard.
+
+"Jenkins," he said with a sickly smile. "You--you see how it is with
+Lightnut--poor fellow! None of us ever thought he would go off that bad
+though. But, as it is, I guess you're the one now who will have to set
+me right with these people. You'll have to stand for me."
+
+Jenkins looked alarmed. He addressed the officers eagerly:
+
+"S'help me," he cried, his glance impaling the prisoner with scorn, "I
+never see this party before in the ten years I been in New York!"
+
+Did that settle the fellow? By Jove, not a bit; his jolly nerve seemed
+inexhaustible!
+
+He blinked a little; and then with a roar he jumped for Jenkins, but
+O'Keefe shoved him back. Panting and struggling between the two
+officers, and fairly at bay at last, the desperate old man seemed to
+determine one last bluff, don't you know, and with the janitor.
+
+"Here, you," he bellowed, as the man dodged behind Jenkins. "You have
+seen me come in this building often! Tell 'em so, or I'll kill you!"
+
+The little man turned pale, but came up pluckily.
+
+"If--if I had," he stammered, "you never would have come in again, if I
+knew as much about you as I do now. I assure you, gents, I never laid
+eyes on this man before."
+
+"Well, I'll be--"
+
+He broke off and seemed to fall out of the grasp of the men backward
+into a big chair. Couldn't quit his jolly acting, it was clear to me,
+even when he had played his last card.
+
+"Is everybody crazy, or am I?" he said, brushing his hand across his
+forehead; and dashed if the perspiration didn't stand on it in big
+drops, clear up into his old bald pate.
+
+"See here," he broke out again, addressing O'Keefe, "send for somebody
+else in this building; send for--" He seemed to deliberate.
+
+The policeman laughed derisively.
+
+"Likely we'll be hauling people out of bed at this hour, isn't it," he
+sneered, "just to let you keep up this fool's game!" He leveled his
+stick menacingly. "Now, looky here, Braxton!" he exclaimed sternly.
+
+"I'm being easy with you because you're a gray-headed old man, but--"
+
+By Jove, it was plain he had struck a sensitive point!
+
+"Gray-headed old man!" shouted the fellow, coming out of the chair like
+a rubber ball, and pointing to his reflection in the long mirror. "Does
+that look like gray hair--that red topknot? It'll _be_ gray, though, if
+this infernal craziness goes on much longer--I'll say that much!" And
+back he flopped into the chair.
+
+The two officers exchanged glances, and, by Jove, they looked ugly!
+
+"Call for the wagon, Tim," said O'Keefe shortly, indicating the 'phone.
+"The fool's going to give trouble. Kahoka Apartments, tell them. Hurry;
+let's get him to the street."
+
+He made a dive at the figure in the chair and jerked him forward.
+
+But his grip seemed to slip and he only moved his prisoner a few inches.
+He tried again with about the same result.
+
+"Get a move on, Tim," he said pantingly. "He's bigger, somehow, than he
+looks, and awful heavy; it'll take both of us. Get up, Braxton, unless
+you want the club!"
+
+The man settled solidly in the depths of the chair.
+
+"Club and be hanged!" he replied with a snap of his jaw. "I won't go in
+any dirty police wagon--that's flat! You may take me in a hearse first.
+Get a cab or a taxi, if I have to go with you!"
+
+"Gamey old sport, anyhow, by Jove!" I thought with sudden admiration.
+Couldn't help it, dash it! Heart just went out to him, somehow.
+
+I gently interposed as O'Keefe prepared to lunge again.
+
+"I'll stand the cab for him, officer," I said with a smile, "if your
+rules, don't you know, or whatever it is, will allow."
+
+I added in a lowered voice:
+
+"Makes it devilish easier for you, don't you know, and avoids such a
+jolly row. And--er--I want to ask you and your friend to accept from me
+a little token of my appreciation."
+
+The policeman exchanged a glance with Tim and considered.
+
+"Well, sir," he said, "as to the cab, of course if you're a mind to want
+to do that, it's your own affair."
+
+He turned to his companion.
+
+"Just cancel that, Tim," he directed. "Call a four-wheeler."
+
+"Thank you, Lightnut," put in the old man gratefully. "You _have_ got a
+grain of decency left, by George, after all!"
+
+Meantime, Jenkins was answering my inquiry.
+
+"I don't believe, sir, you have a bit of cash in the house. You told me
+so when you were retiring."
+
+By Jove, I remembered now! The poker game in the evening!
+
+I was wondering whether they could use a check, when I spied Billings'
+wallet on the table.
+
+The very thing, by Jove!
+
+Examination showed, first thing, a wad of yellow-backs, fresh from the
+bank. I peeled off two and pushed them into the officer's hand.
+
+"This belongs to a friend of mine," I remarked; "but it's just the same
+as my own, don't you know, and he won't mind. Dash it, we're just like
+brothers!"
+
+A howl of maniacal laughter from the old fool in the chair startled us
+both.
+
+"Regular Damon and Pythias, damn it!" he gabbled, grinning with hideous
+face contortions. "One for all, and all for one! And just help yourself;
+don't mind me. Why--_hell_!"
+
+O'Keefe prodded him sharply in the shoulder with his night stick.
+
+"Stop your skylarking now, Foxy," he admonished angrily, "and come on.
+Here the gentleman's gone and put up his money for a cab for you and you
+ought to want to get out of his way so he can rest."
+
+"He's sure been kind to you," supplemented Tim, whose eye had noted the
+passing of the yellow boys.
+
+"Kind!" mocked the old geezer, showing his scattered teeth in a horrible
+grin. "Why, he's a lu-lu, a regular Samaritan!"
+
+"No names!" warned O'Keefe, slightly lifting his night stick. "Come on
+to the street--you seem to forget you're under arrest."
+
+He added hastily:
+
+"And I ought to have warned you that anything you may say, Foxy--"
+
+"Oh, you go to--Brooklyn!" snarled Foxy. "For two pins I'd knock your
+block off, you fat-headed Irish fool! Think I'm going down to the
+sidewalk without my clothes?"
+
+"Are your clothes somewhere in this building?" I asked with some
+sympathy.
+
+He whirled on me sneeringly and jeered like a jolly screech owl:
+
+"Oh, no; not exactly _in_ the building--they're on the flagpole on the
+roof, of course! He-he-he! Bloody good joke, isn't it?"
+
+I sat on the edge of the table wearily; and, catching the policeman's
+eye, shrugged my shoulders significantly.
+
+"You're right, sir," he said apologetically. "We won't fool a second
+longer. Here, you take that side, Tim. Let's pull!"
+
+And they did pull, but, by Jove, they couldn't raise him.
+
+"Queerest go I ever see," Tim gasped. "He ain't holding on to nothing,
+is he? And, O'Keefe, he _feels big_!"
+
+"Pshaw, it's not that," the other panted; "it's just the way he's
+sitting. Why, you can _see_ he ain't so very big." He nodded to Jenkins
+and the janitor. "Here, you two! Help us, can't you?"
+
+And with one mighty, united heave, they brought the loudly protesting
+old man to his feet and held him there. O'Keefe faced me.
+
+"Might be well to take a look around, sir, and see if you think of
+anything else he's stolen, before we take him off."
+
+"Good idea, Lightnut!" Old Braxton stopped struggling and whirled his
+head toward me, his face almost black with rage. "Ha, ha! Why don't you
+have me searched? There's not a pocket in these damn pajamas!"
+
+"Anything whatever, sir, we'll have him leave behind," said O'Keefe.
+
+"By Jove!" I don't know how I ever managed to say it. Fact is, things
+had just suddenly spun round before me like a merry what's-its-name. For
+I _did_ recognize something! The old fellow's unabashed reference to
+pajamas was what brought it to my attention.
+
+"Ha!" O'Keefe nodded. "There _is_ something! Just say the word, sir."
+
+I looked helplessly at Jenkins, and then I saw that of a sudden he
+recognized them, too. His eyes rolled at me understandingly.
+
+"What is it, sir?" demanded O'Keefe respectfully. "The law requires--"
+
+I swallowed hard. "It--it's the pajamas," I said faintly.
+
+The old rascal uttered a roar and tried to get at me.
+
+"You cold-blooded scoundrel!" he bellowed. "So this is why--"
+
+But here a jab of the night stick took him in the side with a sound like
+a blow on a punching bag. Words left the old man and he gasped
+desperately for breath. O'Keefe tried to shake him.
+
+"Did you get those pajamas in here?" he demanded fiercely, and he drew
+back his stick as though for another jab. But the old geezer nodded
+quickly, glaring at me and trying to wheeze something.
+
+"That's enough," said the officer. He turned to me. "You recognize them,
+do you, sir?"
+
+"I--I think so," I stammered, looking at Jenkins, who nodded. "They
+belong to a friend of mine who--a--must have left them here."
+
+"I see." He fished out a note-book. "Mind giving me the name, sir? Just
+a matter of form, you know--" He licked his pencil expectantly.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know--" I gasped at Jenkins. "I don't think she--I--"
+
+"Certainly not, sir," affirmed Jenkins, solemnly looking upward.
+
+"She?" The note-book slowly closed, then with the pencil went back into
+the officer's pocket. "Excuse _me_, sir. H'm!"
+
+"H'm!" echoed Tim apologetically. Then they both glared at Foxy.
+
+The old man just snarled at them. He was like a dog at bay.
+
+"All right!" he hissed. "You just try to take them off--I'll kill
+somebody, that's all. Think I'm going to make a spectacle of myself?"
+
+Jenkins whispered to me.
+
+"To be sure," I said aloud. "He might as well wear them now to the
+station. Just so he returns them when he gets his clothes."
+
+"Very good, sir," said O'Keefe, relieved. "We'll see he does that. Come
+along now, Braxton--_shut_ up, I tell you!"
+
+And with all four of them behind the charge, they managed to rush the
+loudly protesting old man to the door.
+
+"I _won't_ go without my clothes, I tell you," he raged.
+
+But he did. Fighting, swearing and protesting, the jolly old vagabond
+was roughly bundled into the elevator.
+
+"Good night, sir," called O'Keefe as the four of them dropped downward.
+"We'll let you know if it seems necessary to trouble you."
+
+Once again inside, Jenkins and I just stared at each other without a
+word, we were that tired and disgusted. To me, the only dashed crumb of
+comfort in the whole business was the wonderful fact that Billings
+seemed to have slept like a jolly Rip through the whole beastly row.
+
+Very softly I opened his door again, so that the breeze flowed through
+once more. Jenkins put out the lights, and I stood there listening, but
+could hear no sound within the room, for the street below was already
+heralding the clamor of the coming day.
+
+Jenkins' whisper brushed my ear as I moved away:
+
+"Sleeping like a baby, ain't he, sir?"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+FRANCES
+
+
+By Jove, it seemed to me I had been asleep about a minute when I saw the
+sunlight splashing through the blinds.
+
+Jenkins stood beside me with something in his hand.
+
+"Didn't hear me, did you, sir?" he was asking. "I said I thought the
+address looked like Mr. Billings' handwriting. And he's gone, sir."
+
+"Gone?"
+
+I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I had a befogged notion that
+Jenkins looked a little queer.
+
+"Yes, sir. He's not in his room, nor in the apartment anywhere."
+
+"Eh--how--what's that?" For Jenkins' hand extended an envelope.
+
+"Perhaps you would like to read this now, sir."
+
+It was from Billings--I knew his fist in an instant. It was very short
+and without heading. In fact, above his name appeared just a half-dozen
+penciled words, heavily underscored, and without punctuation:
+
+     Damn you send me my clothes
+
+"His clothes?" I looked perplexedly at Jenkins.
+
+He was looking a little pale and held his eyes fixedly to the picture
+molding across the room. He coughed gently.
+
+"Yes, sir," he uttered faintly; "they're in his room, but _he_ ain't."
+
+"By Jove!" I remarked helplessly. And just then I remembered something
+that brought me wide awake in an instant.
+
+I questioned eagerly:
+
+"I say--that desk lamp in there, Jenkins--did you switch it on in the
+night? And the doors I found open--know anything about them?" And
+Jenkins' blank expression was the reply.
+
+"By Jove, Jenkins!" I gasped.
+
+Jenkins compressed his lips. "Exactly, sir."
+
+"Er--what were you thinking, Jenkins?" I questioned desperately. And I
+think Jenkins' stolidity wavered before my anxious face.
+
+"It ain't for me to be thinking anything, sir--besides, the messenger's
+waiting--but--" His hand sought his pocket.
+
+He stepped back, leaving something on the stand by my bed.
+
+"What's that?" I questioned in alarm. "Another note?"
+
+"No, sir--not exactly, sir. But if I may suggest--without offense,
+sir--that you fill it out, I will see that it gets to him."
+
+"Him? Who's him--he, I mean?"
+
+"Doctor Splasher, sir, the temperance party I was speaking of. I've
+already filled out mine, and I'm going to put one in for Mr. Billings
+when I send the clothes." From the doorway he turned a woebegone
+countenance toward me. "It's heartrending, sir--if I may be permitted to
+say so--to think of a nice gentleman like Mr. Billings wandering over to
+the club with nothing on but red pajamas."
+
+But when I telephoned they stated that Mr. Billings had not been at the
+club since last evening. Some one who answered the 'phone thought Mr.
+Billings was with his friend, Mr. Lightnut, in the Kahoka Apartments.
+And, of course, I knew jolly well he was not.
+
+As I turned from the telephone, something in Jenkins' expression
+arrested my attention.
+
+"Well?" I said impatiently, for he has so many devilishly clever
+inspirations, you know; and, dash it, I like to encourage him.
+
+"Pardon, sir, but don't you think--" Here he looked straight up at the
+electrolier and coughed. "About Mr. Billings, sir; I was going to
+suggest that though he isn't over at the club, he's _somewhere_, sir."
+
+Why, dash it, I thought _that_ jolly likely, myself! I said so.
+
+
+"Yes, sir," said Jenkins darkly. "And Mr. Billings usually knows _where_
+he is. I guess, sir, he's in this neighborhood--h'm!"
+
+I just sat staring at him a minute, thinking what a devilish wonderful
+thing intuition is for the lower classes.
+
+"By Jove, Jenkins!" I said; "then you think--"
+
+"I think Mr. Billings, sir, might prefer to find himself--h'm! Yes,
+sir." Jenkins lifted the breakfast tray with deliberation, removed it
+from the room, and returned, moving about the furniture and busying
+himself with an air of mystery. Dash it, I knew he had up his sleeve
+some other devilish clever notion, and so presently I spoke up just to
+touch him off.
+
+"By Jove!" I remarked.
+
+"Yes, sir." Jenkins rested the end of the crumb brush on the table and
+considered me earnestly. "You know, Mr. Lightnut, last night as Mr.
+Billings was retiring, he says to me: 'Jenkins, Mr. Lightnut has
+promised to go up home with me to-morrow for the week end. There's a
+tenner coming your way if he doesn't forget about it. He's to go
+_to-morrow_, now, mind you, Jenkins; and it don't matter _what_ comes
+up. _You_ see that he goes up to-morrow.'"
+
+"By Jove!" I said as he paused, and I screwed my monocle tighter and
+nodded. "I see."
+
+Of course I didn't see, but I knew the poor fellow was driving at
+something, and I wanted to give him a run.
+
+"Exactly, sir." And he stood waiting. "So, shall I pack, sir? You'll
+want to take the four-ten express, I suppose?"
+
+By Jove, it was the most amazingly, dashed clever guess I ever knew
+Jenkins to get off! Fact! I knew that if there was one thing more than
+another in all the world that I wanted to do, it was to take that
+four-ten express. To think of seeing Frances again, and _to-day_!
+
+Of course, it was quite clear that Billings must have anticipated the
+possibility of something unusual, and that was why he had impressed a
+sort of personal responsibility upon Jenkins--kind of tipping him off,
+as it were, so he would be sure to see that I got off in case he did not
+show up himself. It was very easy to see this, especially as Jenkins saw
+it that way, too, but what made it specially so awfully jolly easy to
+see was the fact that I _wanted_ to go, you know.
+
+So I let Jenkins shoot a wire up to Billings, stating my train, and I
+just had to chuckle as in my mind's eye I saw old brazen face Jack
+coming down to the station to meet me, and just ignoring his going off
+in the middle of the night in my pajamas. By Jove, perhaps he would
+bring _her_ down to the train in his car, so I would be sure not to ask
+him any questions!
+
+I left Jenkins to travel by a later train, and a little after four I was
+whirling above Spuyten Duyvil and looking about the chair-car to see if
+there was any one I knew. But, by Jove, there was hardly a soul in the
+car--nobody except just women, you know, and these filled the whole
+place. And they were talking about all sorts of dashed silly things.
+Most of them were devilish pretty as the word goes, but, of course, not
+a patch on _her_. Oh, well, of course, they _couldn't_ be that! Don't
+know how they were behind me, you know--too much trouble to turn round
+and fix my glass. So I just took the range in front, looking at the tops
+of the hats and the chairs and wondering if women would ever become
+extinct like that bird--the great what's-its-name, you know.
+
+"By Jove, _she_ could be spared!" I thought, studying a young woman who
+stood in the aisle beside me. She was rather heavy set--what you might
+call egg-shaped. Her face and her heavy glasses seemed to proclaim a
+mission in life, and the dowdyish cut of her rig and the reckless way it
+was hurled on made it plain that she was on to the fact that nature had
+made a blunder in her sex, and she wanted the world to _know_ she knew.
+
+She was talking to the lady immediately behind me. At least, I
+discovered after five minutes that she was talking. By Jove, up to that
+time, I thought she was canvassing for a book! The other never got in a
+word, don't you know. And I was getting devilish tired of it and wishing
+she would move on, when she shifted, preparatory to doing so, and raised
+her voice:
+
+"Very well, then, if you don't care to come, I think I will go forward
+again and finish the discussion with Doctor Jennie Newman upon the
+metamorphoses of the primordial protoplasms. Watch out for Tarrytown
+now, Frances."
+
+Tarrytown! Frances! By Jove, my heart skipped a beat!
+
+The other murmured something.
+
+Her voice! Her blessed, sweet voice, of which every syllable, every
+shade, was indented in my memory like the record of a what's-its-name!
+By Jove, my Frances, and right behind me!
+
+All I could do to sit still a minute longer, but I knew jolly well if I
+turned now I would be introduced to the freak and lose I couldn't tell
+how many precious moments with my dear one. So I sat low in the chair,
+polishing my monocle, you know, and noting with satisfaction that my
+part reflected all right in the little strip of mirror. I tried to get a
+glimpse of her in it, too, but all I could see was a glorious white
+hat--a stunning Neapolitan, flanked with a sheaf of wild ostrich plumes.
+
+And then the freak left. I watched her spraddle down the aisle and out
+through the little corridor before I dared risk the accident of a
+backward turn of that funny green hat.
+
+Then, when all was safe, I took a deep breath, gripped hard the arms of
+the chair, and whirled suddenly around.
+
+"Frances!" I whispered. "My darling!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+"YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK"
+
+
+"Oh!" she gasped faintly.
+
+That was all she said at first, her big blue eyes wide distended, her
+white-gloved wrists curving above the chair-arms as though to rise. Easy
+to see she was completely floored at seeing me.
+
+And as it was her move, I just sat kind of grinning, you know, and
+holding her tight with my monocle.
+
+Then her mouth twitched a bit; next her head went up and I heard again
+that delicious birdlike carol of a laugh. Her eyes came to rest upon the
+hat in my hand. I had slipped my Harvard band around it, remembering the
+admiration she had expressed for our colors.
+
+"Oh!" she said again, and she looked at me hesitatingly. "Mr. Jones, is
+it not--or is it--"
+
+I chuckled. "Mr. Smith, you know," I said. "Mr. Smith, of course."
+
+And then I just went on chuckling, for I thought it so devilish clever
+of her, so humorous. And just then I thought of a dashed good repartee:
+
+"Months--so many months, you know, since we met!" And I thought it
+delightful the way she puckered her lovely little forehead and looked me
+over. But she just looked so devilish enticing, I couldn't keep it up
+myself. I leaned nearer and spoke behind my hat, trying to look the love
+I felt.
+
+"Didn't expect to see me, did you?"
+
+She looked at me oddly and bit her lip. But her eyes were dancing and
+the delicious dimple in her cheek twitched on the verge of laughter. She
+shook her head.
+
+"Indeed I did not." And again came that odd look in her face as though
+she were studying, kind of balking, don't you know. By Jove, she was
+perfectly dazzling!
+
+"My dearest!" slipped softly from me as I held the hat.
+
+She stared. Then once more that canary peal of merriment.
+
+"Oh, dear!" Then her face sobered and she almost pouted. "Now you
+mustn't--please, _really_--it gets so tiresome. Don't you American, or
+rather, you Harvard men, ever talk anything to a girl but love? Why,
+it's absurd." She smiled, but her lashes dropped reproof. By Jove, I was
+taken back a little! Evidently she was piqued with me about something,
+but what the devil was it? And then I thought I had it.
+
+I slipped nearer--to the edge of the chair.
+
+"I didn't know you were in town to-day--'pon honor, I didn't. Billings
+never said a word about it," I explained. "Why, dash it, I would have
+given _anything_ to have known."
+
+She looked at me with a queer little smile, stroked her little lip with
+the point of one gloved finger and looked across the river at the
+Palisades. Dash the Palisades! Never could see any sense in them,
+anyhow!
+
+"Oh, thank you, but Elizabeth and I didn't know ourselves until last
+evening that we would make the New York trip. She wanted to hear a
+suffragette lecture at the Carnegie, and I had some shopping to do."
+
+And she just gave me one of those calm, self-contained, thoroughbred
+sort of smiles that are harder to get past than a six-foot hedge. What
+the deuce _was_ the matter with the girl? Something had changed her; yet
+I knew that nothing could really change her at heart--never.
+
+But it was certain that she was put out about something. I would just
+have to play her easy and try to find out what it was. I remembered
+hearing Pugsley say--and he has had no end of experience with them--that
+when women are put out they expect you to find out what it is, no matter
+how devilishly improbable or unreasonable it may be.
+
+And just then I remembered another clever idea of Pugsley's--what he
+said was a corking good way of diverting their minds.
+
+"I say, you know," I said suddenly--and though I threw a whole lot of
+enthusiasm into my face in carrying out his idea, I didn't have to try
+very hard--"I think that's a ripping gown. White is ever so much more
+your style than--than--"
+
+By Jove, I swallowed just in time! But it had roused her. I could see
+her brighten.
+
+"Oh!" she said. "Let me see--what _is_ it you remember?" And she kind of
+muttered, "Perhaps I can tell from that--"
+
+She paused expectantly.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know!" And I twirled the hat, feeling a bit rattled. Why
+the deuce did she want to rub it in?
+
+"But I want you to tell me." Her beautiful eyes were teasing.
+
+"_You_ know--in black." I twirled the hat faster.
+
+"_Black!_" She stared, her exquisite lips standing apart like the two
+petals of a rose. "Why, I never wore black in my life. You _know_ you
+never saw me in black."
+
+I felt hurt. I couldn't blame her for wanting to appear to forget about
+it, but still--
+
+She must have seen my face fall, for I know, by Jove, I could just feel
+it kind of collapse, I was that hurt and disappointed. Her face softened
+kindly and I took courage, for my devilishly alert mind just then hit
+upon another explanation. I recalled that she had thoughtlessly left the
+pajamas in my rooms. I also realized with dismay that Foxy Grandpa had
+promised, or rather the officers had promised for him, that they should
+be returned promptly. And, by Jove, I had forgotten all about them!
+
+"Never mind," I said, thinking aloud, as I frequently do. "I'll
+telephone about them as soon as we get to Wolhurst." Then a terrible
+shock struck me. "Oh, I say, you didn't have your name on them, did
+you?"
+
+"On what?" How kindly, even if quizzically, she was regarding me! The
+big white hat shifted an inch or two nearer. I realized with joy that
+she was beginning to forget about being put out with me.
+
+"Why--" I looked about cautiously and dropped my voice, though it was
+not likely any one could hear above the quiver of the train. "Why, in
+your black pajamas you left in my rooms."
+
+A kind of little gasp was all I heard, and then she was on her feet and
+looking--not at me, but above my head--looking away off down the length
+of the car. Somehow--why, I couldn't understand--I had a weird, horrible
+feeling of abasement, as though I had killed a child, or had done some
+other dashed unreasonable thing like that. Her face had flushed but now
+was deadly white. And then, by Jove, I saw she was looking for another
+chair.
+
+I jumped up at once and moved into the aisle.
+
+"I'm so sorry," I said miserably, "so sorry, dear, I hurt you. I didn't
+mean ever to speak of the pajamas. I knew you wanted to forget about the
+other night, and I knew you wanted _me_ to forget, too--"
+
+"Oh, please--" She shrank back, her beautiful eyes like those of a
+frightened deer. But it was the last car, and I blocked the aisle. I
+didn't realize at the time that I was doing it. It came to me afterward,
+and was one of the things I kicked myself about for hours, more or less.
+
+Just at the moment I was so dashed wild about setting myself right with
+her. The only other thing I had presence of mind to remember was the
+nearness about us of a lot of beady-eyed cats, and so I drew nearer and
+lowered my voice so none could hear. For I had another feeling of
+inspiration as to what really was the matter with her!
+
+Matter! I should say, rather! She was beginning to look
+angry--splendidly angry--her eyes just blazing blue fire. I knew I would
+have to get in my explanation quickly, and what's more, if what Pugsley
+thought was true, I would have to hit the jolly nail on the head or else
+everything was off, you know.
+
+"Why, Frances--sweetheart," I pleaded softly--just loud enough for her
+to hear above the train, "I know you are put out with me because you
+found me gone the next morning, but honestly, dear, I acted for the
+best--indeed, I did." And to be on the safe side, I profited by another
+inspiration: "And, my darling girl, I'll never mention the pajamas and
+the other night--never any more--as long as we live, nor the cigarettes
+nor cigars nor whisky. Why, I don't care if you--"
+
+"Tarrytown--all out for Tarrytown!" came in a high tenor voice from the
+end of the car, and something bowled down the aisle and brushed me
+aside. It was the frump.
+
+"Come on, Frances!" she exclaimed sharply; "our station." Next instant
+they were streaking it for the door, with me a good second. I saw
+Frances look behind once with--oh, such a look! Dashed if it didn't
+shrivel me, you know--that sort. And, by Jove, I knew Pugsley was right,
+and that I had failed to put the ball over!
+
+I was not six feet behind as they scrambled through the station to the
+other side where a large car stood panting. I saw Frances clutch the
+frump's arm and whisper something, and I heard the frump's reply, for
+her voice was loud and strongly masculine.
+
+"Crazy?" she rasped. "Nonsense! Drunk, more likely. Most of them are
+half the time."
+
+I didn't have time to see what she referred to, for just then we reached
+the side of the car. I didn't see a thing of Billings, but the chauffeur
+jumped to the ground and received the ladies and their bags. He seemed
+to me devilish familiar, too. By Jove, the way he held my darling's hand
+was the most infernally audacious, outrageous thing I ever beheld! I
+should have liked to punch his head. He helped them into the tonneau and
+was so busy with his silly jackass chatter that he closed the door
+before he turned and saw me. I was just standing there, leaning a little
+forward with my cane, you know, and fixing my monocle reproachfully on
+Frances--trying to get her eye.
+
+And then, by jove, I felt a blow on my shoulder that almost bowled me
+over, for I had my legs crossed, you know.
+
+"Well, I'll be hanged--it's Dicky!" And he was grinning at me like a
+what's-its-name cat. And with the grin I recognized him. It was the
+fresh young fool who had been so devilish familiar at the pier the
+morning Frances left.
+
+Then he banged me again, dash it, and tried to get my hand, but I put it
+behind me. But he did get my arm, and he turned toward the car. His
+voice dropped.
+
+"See here, I want you to meet--Eh?" He broke off, staring at the frump,
+who was making signs with her eyes, frowning and beckoning him with her
+green flower-pot. He left me, murmuring something, and stepped to the
+running-board. I could see the flower-pot bobbing about energetically
+and twice Frances nodded, it seemed to me reluctantly.
+
+"Crazy--drunk? Pshaw, you're batty!" he said to the frump rudely. Then I
+heard another murmur and his harsh voice rose again: "Yes--Lightnut, I
+tell you--Dicky Lightnut. Yes--Jack Billings' great friend. You just
+wait till he's back from the city, and if he don't get upon his
+hind--Eh, what? His name is _Smith_? Rats!"
+
+All this time I was just standing there, trying to catch Frances' eye.
+I felt sure if I could catch her eye she would see how devilish sorry I
+was. I moved back a few feet, for, dash it, without a sign from her, I
+had no idea now, of course, of considering myself as one of the party.
+Not finding Billings with the car, and the information I caught that he
+was still in the city, just left me high and dry, you know.
+
+"All right, Miss Smarty," the yellow-topped chauffeur rasped, addressing
+the frump, "I'll just show you!"
+
+He turned about and jerked his head.
+
+"Oh, Dicky! Here, just a minute, old chap--will you?"
+
+Of course I took no notice of him whatever. In fact I looked in the
+other direction.
+
+"Lightnut!" he called. I just stared up at the castle on the hill. I
+felt devilish annoyed, though. I recalled a conversation the other day
+at the club in which Van Dyne remarked that the intimacy affected now by
+chauffeurs was growing insufferable. Declared his man had asked him for
+a light that morning.
+
+The fellow stared a little; then he came toward me, smirking in a
+jocular, impertinent way.
+
+"Say, stop your kidding, old man," he muttered; "girls have no sense of
+humor, you know. Come along--I've just been telling them you are my best
+friend."
+
+I stole another look at the car, but Frances avoided me; so I came to a
+decision. I turned shortly on the driver.
+
+"See here now, my good fellow," I said sharply, "you stop subjecting
+those ladies to annoyance. Drive on, or I'll report you to my friends."
+
+He stared--seemed to be trying to stare me out of countenance, in fact.
+Then the grin slowly faded.
+
+"Why, Dicky!" he exclaimed in an aggrieved tone, "don't you remember
+me--don't you know me?"
+
+"I certainly do not," I answered with decision. I felt my face getting
+red with vexation. "And what's more, my name is not 'Dicky.'"
+
+His hand slowly swept his chin and he whistled.
+
+"Wha--Well, I'll be jiggered!" He whirled toward the car.
+
+"On me, this time, I guess! You're right!"
+
+Then his face clouded and he moved down upon me.
+
+"Here, you get along now about your business, whoever you are!" His hand
+waved as though sweeping me away. "I've a mind to kick you for annoying
+that young lady."
+
+He looked toward Frances and I could see he was showing off. But I
+thought she looked a bit disgusted. As for the frump, she suddenly
+opened the door, stepped down and then up again, but this time behind
+the steering wheel.
+
+"If you don't come on, I'm going," she said quietly.
+
+"Just a minute," he said, scowling back at her. He faced me.
+
+"Look here, if I hit you once"--he leveled his finger--"well, they'll
+have to pick you up with a sponge, that's all!"
+
+But, except for fixing my glass for a better study of Frances, I never
+moved. Didn't occur to me as necessary, you know, until she should drive
+off. Just stood leaning on my cane and with feet crossed, you know, in
+the way I had long ago found was the least exhausting, if one has to
+stand at all. But, by Jove, the fellow was right in my face now, almost!
+Devilish annoying!
+
+"Did you hear me, you glass-eyed fool?" he barked in my ear. "You
+masher! By George, _I'll_ mash you!"
+
+And he looked at Frances again and laughed, but she was looking away off
+up at the big stone castle on the Pocantico Hills behind. And I just
+reveled in her glorious profile, splashed bright by the golden sunshine
+reflected from the Tappan Zee opposite. Incidentally, I was trying in my
+mind the three arm movements that must be made as one, and for which, to
+learn, I had paid the great master, Galliard of Paris, a thousand francs
+in gold.
+
+The car began to edge away.
+
+"All right--coming!" he yelled; and then he launched his blow. But so
+rapid--instantaneous, in fact--are the famous three movements of the
+great scientist, I don't remember that my eye even shifted its grip
+upon the monocle. Therefore, as I came back into the same position again
+as his shoulder hit the ground, I was in time to catch my darling's eye
+at last just as they curved. And, by Jove, she looked amused--and
+pleased.
+
+As for the frump, she frankly and harshly laughed, and then moved up a
+speed, just as a south-bound express took the station.
+
+And I swung aboard it, back for little old New York. Didn't see what the
+chauffeur did. Wasn't interested, you know, about that.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+BILLINGS' SYMPTOMS ALARM ME
+
+
+"Most infernal outrage of the century, I tell you!" Billings stormed.
+For an hour I had sat there in my rooms, limp and bewildered under the
+tempest of his wrath. The wild and incoherent sputter over the 'phone
+that Jenkins reported upon my return had sent me on a hunt for my
+friend. I had found him sullenly dining alone over at the club, and as
+soon as I entered he started to bolt from the room. Only through the
+greatest pleading had I managed to coax him back to my chambers, hoping
+I might screw out of him some explanation.
+
+I had received it, by Jove!
+
+Of course, I recognized it all as impossible and crazy, you know, but
+when I said so to Billings his remarks were so violent, and he turned
+such a dangerous apoplectic purple, dashed if I didn't renege.
+
+"But then the old man, you know!" I protested weakly.
+
+Billings leveled his big arm at me, mouthing wordlessly for a minute.
+
+"That--that'll do, about that old man!" he choked at last. "Not--not
+another word about _him_!" And finally he collapsed into his seat from
+sheer exhaustion. Just sat there panting and glaring at me like a jolly
+bulldog.
+
+Gradually he became calmer.
+
+"Tell you what: the only thing that lets you out, Dicky, is the way Van
+Dyne and Blakesley did, in turn, when I got them there."
+
+He spoke savagely, but I brightened a little.
+
+"Oh!" I said. "Didn't they recognize you, either?"
+
+Billings' snort made me jump.
+
+"Recognize!" he bellowed. "They went back, mad as hell!"
+
+"By Jove!" I said soothingly.
+
+"That's not all," continued Billings grimly. "I was so sure it was a
+put-up job, some asinine, fool joke, I wrote a cautious note to the
+governor. After a lot of pleading, I got the fools to send it. He came."
+
+Billings paused dramatically.
+
+"Oh, yes, _he_ came!" he went on, fixing me with an excited eye. "And
+when I staggered forward and did the prodigal son act on his neck, he
+handed me a punch that jolted off his silk tile. Went straight up in the
+air with the whole bunch down there and contracted to do things for them
+that will keep him active for a year. Threatened to have _me_ sent up
+for forgery--this is my own father now, mind you--forgery of my own
+name! Huh!"
+
+Billings strode to the end of the room and back. Then he sat down
+again, beating with his foot upon the floor.
+
+"Say, has everybody gone crazy?" he demanded.
+
+I didn't dare say a word, for I had my own opinions, you know, and I
+knew it wouldn't do to express them. Only excite him. Best way seemed
+just to pretend to swallow it all, you know. Best way always, Pugsley
+says, especially with best friends.
+
+"They were pretty nasty after that," Billings went on gloomily; "and
+they wouldn't send for any one else. Just had to sit there in that
+infernal bastile with nothing on but pajamas and a pair of bedroom
+slippers. Every once in a while somebody would come and address me as
+'Foxy,' and want me to send for my clothes or else send out and buy
+some. Finally, a big brute came and threw me some dirty rags and said
+I'd _have_ to put on those or else buy some others. Buy some, Dicky--did
+you get that?--_buy_ some!"
+
+"Devilish rude, _I_ say," I commented indignantly. "Who wants to wear
+_bought_ clothes? Why, dash it, my tailor says--"
+
+"Pshaw!" Billings whirled his fat head impatiently. "You miss the whole
+point, Dicky! I didn't have a cent of _money_; and what's more, I
+couldn't get any." He paused. "See? Try to get that, Dicky--make an
+effort, old chap."
+
+I did, but, dash it, it was such a rum idea--very oddest thing he had
+said--and silly, you know. Fancy any one not being able to send out and
+get money! I just got to thinking what a jolly queer idea it was and
+lost part of what Billings was saying--something about how he managed to
+get them to send a note for his clothes. Here is what I _did_ hear:
+
+"And I had just got into the togs and stuffed the rubies and pajamas out
+of sight in my pocket, when the particular brigand who had charge of my
+coop came back. He almost threw a fit when he saw me. 'Where's
+Twenty-seven?' he wanted to know. And then, before I could say a word,
+he blustered up to me with: 'And say, what business _you_ got in here?
+Clear out!' And you bet I didn't lose a single golden minute--I cleared.
+You should have seen me beat it down that corridor! The fellow followed
+me a little, grumbling to himself. Then he called to a cop who was just
+coming in: 'Say, O'Keefe, run that young fat freak out of here, will
+you? It's one of that bunch of visitors that went through just now.
+Fresh thing--snooping into the cells!'
+
+"And so the same cop that brought me there--the very same--was the one
+that shoved me out of the door, warning me that I'd best not go poking
+into the prisoners' cells again if I knew what was good for me!"
+
+"By Jove!" I ventured sympathetically.
+
+Billings nodded. "Of course, I knew it was a semi-lucid interval with
+them all, but for all I knew it might pass any instant and some bat
+discover I was a Dutch scrubwoman escaped from Hoboken. So I broke for
+the first taxi and hit it up for the club."
+
+Billings took a deep breath and went on:
+
+"By George," he said, laughing nervously. "I felt like a dog with a can
+to its tail hunting for a place to hide. Every time a fellow looked at
+me I had heart failure until he called me by my own name. Bribed Eugene
+to lie about my whereabouts until his face hurt and then I went to bed.
+Sneaked out of my hole this evening to get a bite of something, and then
+you ran me down.
+
+"And Dicky"--Billings finished excitedly--"I was sure you had come to
+drag me back to my dungeon, and I looked behind you, fully expecting to
+see those two Irish pirates. If I had, I should have swooned in my soup,
+that's all!"
+
+I murmured my sympathy. And, by Jove, I certainly did have a heartache
+about him, but of course I couldn't tell him why. I was getting him
+quieted--I could see that--and he was so far mollified as to help
+himself to a cigar. When he had clipped a V from the end with his knife,
+he leaned over and tapped me impressively on the knee with the blade.
+
+"And just think, Dicky," he said, absently emphasizing with the sharp
+point of the knife, "there I sat, moneyless--not even a dime, you
+know--in a suit of pajamas whose three buttons were worth one hundred
+and fifty thousand dollars!"
+
+He fell back, his fat arms eloquently outspreading.
+
+"Can you beat it?" he demanded.
+
+I rubbed my palm on my knee and considered.
+
+Privately, I thought I _could_ beat it--by Jove, I was sure I could! I
+knew of a pair of pajamas worth a dashed sight more than money. And I
+wondered gloomily where they were. I had telephoned as soon as I stepped
+out at the Grand Central Station, and after a bit made them understand
+who I was and reminded them that the black pajamas had not been returned
+according to promise. And then they told me Foxy Grandpa had escaped,
+but as he had nothing else on, they felt sure of rounding him up as soon
+as he came out of his hiding-place--probably after dark.
+
+"By the way, old chap," puffed Billings, his poise and good humor
+improving under the spell of the cigar, "I was sorry to return the
+pajamas torn and dusty and wrinkled as they were. But you see, on
+account of the rubies, I was leary about having them pressed or fussed
+over. So I wrapped and sealed them myself, just as one does a jewel
+package. Got them, did you?"
+
+I stared at Billings through my glass.
+
+"Didn't you get them?" he questioned in alarm.
+
+"Yes, yes--it's all right, old chap," I said hastily and as pleasantly
+as I could. "Eugene delivered the box to Jenkins and I opened it myself.
+Thought it was--h'm--thought it was something else." Then I proceeded
+soothingly: "But you're just a little mistaken about the dust and
+wrinkles, old chap--and about them being torn. Ha, ha! Good joke!"
+
+But Billings' face was unresponsive.
+
+"Why, you goop," he said with cheerful contempt, "there's a triangular
+tear in the back of the coat you could stick your head through; and one
+of the sleeves is in ribbons."
+
+I just opened the drawer of the table and took out the box--glove box, I
+think it was--containing the pajamas. I had read something somewhere
+about the clearing effect--the reaction, and that sort of thing,
+produced sometimes by a shock.
+
+"See for yourself, old chap," I said gently. And I lifted out the
+gossamer fabrics and again spread their crimson glory under the lamp.
+Billings examined them eagerly, but just looked confounded.
+
+"Don't understand it," he said, biting his nails. "Why, hang it, they
+look smooth, too, as though never worn. And the rubies are all right,
+too."
+
+He rested his chin upon his hands and gloomed at the red sweep.
+
+I caught a few sentences of his mumbling.
+
+"By George, I'm half a mind to think there's something in the pajamas,"
+he muttered--"something uncanny and disagreeable--something they're
+alive with!"
+
+I sprang up and back, overturning my chair.
+
+"Good heavens--oh, I say!" I exclaimed in consternation, as I fixed my
+glass on the garments. "It's your jail, then, you know--"
+
+His hand checked my reach to the bell push.
+
+"Don't be any more kinds of an ass than you can help, Dicky," he said
+with rude irritability. "I'm talking about something else; and I haven't
+got any jail, dammit! A station house isn't exactly a jail!"
+
+He reached for another cigar and went off into a brown study, wrapping
+himself in clouds of smoke. I thought that maybe if I kept quite still
+he might come to himself all right. Meantime, for want of something to
+do, and to keep from getting so devilish sleepy, I fell to turning over
+the pajamas, admiring their beauty and daintiness and kind of
+half-daringly wondering how _she_ would--
+
+And suddenly I made a discovery; and I forgot about keeping still.
+
+"By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed excitedly. "Here's something inside the
+collar--some sort of jolly writing!"
+
+"What's that?" said Billings sharply. He jerked the garment from my hand
+and held it in the light. All round the circle within the collar band
+ran four or five darker red lines of queer little crisscross characters.
+
+"Chinese laundry marks, you idiot," he commented carelessly. And then he
+ducked his head closer with a quick intake of breath.
+
+"By George, Dicky!" he cried, his voice tremulous with some excitement.
+"Can't be that either; it's woven in--awfully fine, neat job, too. Now,
+what do you suppose--"
+
+He broke off wonderingly.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY
+
+
+Billings rubbed his chin perplexedly.
+
+"By jigger, now, I wonder what those hen tracks mean?" he uttered
+musingly. Then he looked up at me with sudden animation in his face.
+
+"Look here, Dicky," he exclaimed, "do you happen to know Doozenberry?"
+
+I tried to remember. I shut one eye and studied the marks closely
+through my glass, but had to shake my head at last.
+
+"Sorry, old chap; don't seem to remember it at all if I ever did--not a
+dashed glimmer of it left." I yawned. "Never tried to keep any of those
+college things, you know."
+
+Billings, who had been staring, uttered a rude comment.
+
+"It's not a language, you cuckoo," he snapped; "it's a man. He's a
+D.S.--distinguished scientist, you know. What's more, he's one of your
+neighbors, right in this building."
+
+"Don't know him," I said a little stiffly. "What's his club?"
+
+Billings all but gnashed his teeth.
+
+"Club, thunder!" he jerked out impatiently. "Why, man, he's a member of
+all the great societies of the world--bodies whose rank and
+exclusiveness put the blink on all the clubs you or I ever saw. Got a
+string of letters after his name like a universal keyboard, and is the
+main squeeze, the great scream, among all the scientific push over here
+and in Europe. Lots of dough, but off his trolley with learning."
+
+"And in this building?" I said wonderingly. "What's he like?"
+
+For a moment I had a thought of Foxy Grandpa, but the janitor had said
+he did not belong in the building. Besides, Billings' next words removed
+that clue to the lost pajamas. By Jove, how I did long to ask his advice
+about them! Once I was on the point of doing so--had devilish narrow
+escape, in fact--but pulled up on the brink. So deuced hard to remember
+that anything so delicate and sweet and fetching could be Billings'
+sister, you know. I had been wondering for an hour whether I had better
+say anything about my adventure up at Tarrytown--wondered if she would
+like me to.
+
+"Here, you moon calf, wake up!" Billings' coarse voice brought me back
+to the present, and I had to blink and pretend I was listening. "I'm
+telling you about Doozenberry! I say you surely must have seen him--you
+couldn't miss him in a black cave. Queer-looking old skate, tall as a
+street lamp and as thin; looks like a long cylinder of black
+broadcloth. So dignified it hurts him."
+
+I reflected.
+
+"Awfully large head," continued Billings, elevating his hands some two
+feet apart, "pear-shaped affair--big end up--bumps on it like halves of
+grape fruit, porcupine eyebrows, and--"
+
+"Oh, I know," I said, nodding eagerly; "and a little, shriveled--well,
+kind of mashed sort of face, eyes beadlike and jolly small. I've got him
+now! I've gone down with him in the elevator."
+
+Billings nodded. "You've got him painted," he said drily. "That's the
+professor; only, his eyes are anything but 'jolly.' I've ridden in the
+elevator with him myself. Always manages to look like he was traveling
+with a bad smell!"
+
+"Devilish sensitive, I dare say."
+
+Billings looked at me suspiciously, but I had got hold of the thing I
+was trying to recollect and I went on quickly:
+
+"By Jove, you know, I believe Jenkins knows his man--fellow who butlers,
+and, I believe, cooks, for him. He and Jenkins belong to the same--how
+do they call it?--same club of gentlemen's gentlemen."
+
+Billings brought his fist down. "Let's have Jenkins in," he suggested.
+And we did.
+
+"I say, Jenkins," I began, "this Professor Doodle bug above us--"
+
+"Doozenberry!" Billings sharply corrected.
+
+"Well, some jolly rum thing about him, don't you know,
+Jenkins--something you said his man told you--remember, eh?"
+
+Jenkins' eyes batted a little.
+
+He cleared his throat. "Why, yes, sir; he told me a lot of funny things
+one night, sir. Don't suppose he would have done it, only him and me had
+an evening off and we--we--"
+
+Jenkins seemed to hesitate.
+
+"And you went on a bat together," suggested Billings, rubbing his hands
+pleasantly.
+
+"It was, sir," Jenkins admitted, looking at me sadly. "Leastways, he
+sort o' loosened up as he got--got--"
+
+"Pickled," Billings helped smoothly.
+
+"Quite so, sir; there's some is that way always: some is taken other
+ways." Jenkins considered Billings moodily. "The power of the demon rum,
+sir."
+
+"Ah, true!" sighed Billings, lifting his eyes.
+
+"This here chap, he got to going on and all but crying about his cursed
+hard fate--them's his own words, sir--his cursed hard fate in having to
+drink water all the time and eat cow feed--"
+
+"Eat what?"
+
+"I don't know, sir--that's what he called it--something the perfesser
+has him fix out of cereals and nuts and sour milk. That's all they have,
+sir; and they don't have no cooking, for the perfesser says it breaks
+the celluloid--"
+
+"Cellular," corrected Billings.
+
+"Maybe so, sir," demurred Jenkins. "He _said_ celluloid--the celluloid
+tissue papers, _he_ called it. And then his having no heat on all winter
+and the windows kept open all the time and the snow piling up on his bed
+at night kept him with colds all the year. And then, there was the
+dampness--"
+
+"_That's_ it, the dampness!" I exclaimed. "Tell him."
+
+"Why, sir, he told me that every night he had to turn down the
+perfesser's bed and go all over it with a two-gallon watering can--"
+
+"Watering can!" gasped Billings.
+
+"I'm telling you what he says, sir. Then he covers it all up again, and
+in about a half-hour the perfesser turns the covers down; and if it's
+what he calls 'fine'--that is, damp all over--he climbs in and sleeps
+like a top."
+
+"Cold-water bug, you know," I explained, but Billings shrugged his
+shoulders.
+
+"That's all right. Bug or not, he's the goods, all the same. Greatest
+ever." He spoke with quiet conviction.
+
+He deliberated a moment and turned to me.
+
+"Tell you what, Dicky: I'm going up and ask him down. He's the one to
+give us the right dope on these crazy letters--Eh, what you say,
+Jenkins?"
+
+"Beg pardon, sir; I was saying that the perfesser don't visit nobody;
+and he never sees nobody but the big lit'ry and scientific sharps."
+
+"Oh, he don't eh?" Billings snorted contemptuously. "Well, Jenkins, I
+haven't been a prize fisherman in my time for nothing; I guess I know
+how to select my 'fly.' I know what will fetch him: 'Mr. Lightnut's
+compliments, and will he be pleased to honor him by passing upon an
+Oriental curio of rare scientific interest?'--that sort of merry rot!
+Why, you couldn't hold him back with a block and tackle. Oh, you needn't
+worry; I'll do the proper curves all right." He turned toward the door.
+"And, Jenkins, you come along and work me into the lodge."
+
+"Oh, but dash it," I protested nervously, "he won't come--he'll be
+insulted. Why, he'll know as soon as he sees you that you couldn't--"
+
+I checked myself, recalling that the best thing after his recent
+exhibition was to avoid every contradiction. And then, by Jove, I knew
+that if he became ill and had to go to a hospital or somewhere, it would
+be all off with his taking me up to Wolhurst next day.
+
+Billings grinned confidently. "Watch me bring him down here," he said.
+
+And by Jove, he did!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+THE PROFESSOR
+
+
+Billings ushered in the professor with a flourishing introduction.
+
+The great man never spoke, but gave me the end of one finger, and
+devilish grudgingly at that. He just came to anchor and stood there very
+straight and stiff, ignoring the chairs thrust toward him from every
+point. One hand was stuck in his stiff broadcloth bosom, with elbow
+pointing outward, and his great topheavy head reared above us
+impressively.
+
+Billings rubbed his hands and bowed and smirked.
+
+"Lovely weather we are having for summer, don't you think, Professor?
+Jenkins, a chair for the professor."
+
+He was already hedged in by chairs, but he remained standing. Dash it,
+he was staring hard at me, his beady eyes boring like gimlets, don't you
+know, and his little shriveled face all puckered up. By Jove, but he
+looked sour! Looked like he would bite, or, as Billings said afterward,
+would like to, if the human race wasn't poisonous.
+
+"Wonderful stunt, science, isn't it, Professor?" gushed Billings, still
+rubbing his hands and grinning like a wild what's-its-name. "Tracing
+the orbits of the shooting stars or measuring the animals in the tiny
+sewer drop. H'm! Fascinating pursuit! And how marvelous it must be to be
+able to classify instantly any specimen of man's or nature's
+handiwork--to--a--call the turn, so to speak--right off the bat, as it
+were. H'm! We have here to-night--er--"
+
+With his hand upon the pajamas, Billings paused, for the professor paid
+no attention--did not even turn round, in fact. He just stood there
+staring at me. Billings coughed suggestively.
+
+"H'm! As I was saying, we have with us to-night a specimen," he resumed
+a little louder, "I may say an example of something that, while
+apparently commonplace and prosaic, is really a rare and unique--"
+
+"Ha--specimen _genus cypripedium_," came in a squeaky bark from the
+professor as he held me in his eye. "Linnaeus, 1753. Ha! _Species
+acaule_--proper habitat, bogs. Very common--_very_ common, indeed."
+
+He batted at me sourly and seemed disappointed. By Jove, I never felt so
+devilish mortified in all my life! Never! I nearly dropped my monocle
+and felt myself getting jolly red about the ears. This only seemed to
+make it worse.
+
+"Ha--_labellum_ somewhat pinker purple than normal," he proceeded. "H'm!
+Unusually fresh specimen."
+
+I looked appealingly at Billings. "Oh, I say, you know!" I exclaimed in
+dismay.
+
+Billings had been standing with his mouth agape, but now he made a
+stride forward and touched the professor on the arm.
+
+"That's Mr. Lightnut, Professor," he said blandly. "That's not _the_
+specimen. H'm! Slight mistake."
+
+Slowly the professor's big head turned on its axis and his little eyes
+blinked at Billings nastily.
+
+"I was referring to the orchid in the gentleman's coat," he observed
+quietly, and turned back to me.
+
+"Of course! Of _course_!" stammered Billings with eagerness. "My
+mistake--one on me. _Stung!_" his lips pantomimed to me.
+
+I addressed the professor hospitably: "Ah! won't you sit down,
+Professor?"
+
+He drew back, frowning. "Sit down, sir?" he questioned. And, by Jove, by
+this time he showed his teeth. And devilish white, even teeth they were,
+too, only they didn't fit.
+
+"I never sit down, sir," he said stiffly; "never!"
+
+"By Jove!" I explained.
+
+"To be sure!" ejaculated Billings, looking extremely silly.
+
+The professor appeared not ungratified with the sensation he had
+produced and condescended to smile; that is, if you can call a creasing
+and wrinkling like the cracked end of a hard-boiled egg a smile.
+
+"You say, 'sit down,' sir," he said, addressing me. "I ask you, in
+turn: Is not 'sitting down' recrudescence back to the primordial?"
+
+So saying, he took a pinch at my shirt front and stepped back again
+impressively. Still addressing me, he continued:
+
+"It is such thoughtless indulgence of muscles growing obsolescent that
+retards the evolution of our species, a species, sir, which I claim is
+coessential in fundamental attributes with contemporaneous amphibia. Ha!
+I surprise you, perhaps? Can you note in me a resemblance to a
+batrachian?"
+
+I didn't know. And, dash it, I was afraid to chance it. Tried my jolly
+best to think what a batrachian was. It came to me like a flash that it
+sounded like something in Italy.
+
+"By Jove, you do, though, awfully!" I exclaimed, trying to brighten up
+over it. "Doesn't he, Billings? Noticed a resemblance right off, don't
+you know."
+
+Billings went to nodding with an air of pleased surprise. Dash me if I
+believed he knew what a batrachian was, though, any more than I did. But
+Billings never admits anything.
+
+"Sure," he said glibly. "I was half suspecting it; why, look at the
+skin, you know--and features!"
+
+"By Jove, yes!" I said, feeling encouraged. "Head, mouth, nose, eyes
+and--" I was going to say "hair," but I remembered in time about the
+wig.
+
+The professor looked awfully pleased. He gave me a finger again.
+
+"Such perspicacity--ah--is rare in one who looks so--"
+
+He coughed slightly, then resumed:
+
+"How gratifying, indeed, to meet another investigator! A student in
+zootomy, no doubt? Ah! Do not deny it; I divined it at once. A
+delightful recreation, sir--a game, absorbing but elusive."
+
+"Awfully jolly, you know," I agreed. "Ripping, I say!"
+
+"Surest thing you know," chirped Billings. I wondered if it was anything
+like polo.
+
+And then, by Jove, thinking of polo sent me off again thinking of
+Frances. Not that she was like polo, dash it, but I wished she could see
+me play.
+
+The professor took another pinch from my shirt front and favored me with
+a rusty smile.
+
+"Ah!" he said: "You must take time to look into a little monograph of
+mine: _Man in Miniature; a Study of the Anthropology of the Frog_. You
+regard the frog, of course?"
+
+"Oh, I say, yes--fine, you know!" I answered, my mouth watering. By
+Jove! I thought of the devilish good things they got up in season down
+at the Cafe Grenouille.
+
+"My dear sir!" The professor bowed to me. "I can not express to you how
+gratifying to me this meeting is. I must get a list of your societies
+and degrees. So few appreciate the frog; so many, even in the scientific
+world, deride my published claim that congenious with man is the _rana
+mugiens_ or American bullfrog."
+
+By Jove! they were certainly congenial with me, all right.
+
+"Awfully hard to swallow unless well done, don't you know," I demurred
+thoughtfully.
+
+"Truly incredible, sir!"
+
+The professor took another pinch and held it in front of him.
+
+"But I have allowed for that," he added, emphasizing with his other
+hand. "My frog brochure meets that difficulty and whets the appetite of
+the most mediocre."
+
+"By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed eagerly, "we must tell Marchand about
+it over at the club." I was so devilish tired of his eternal _sauce
+delicieuse_, his _sauce aigre_, his _sauce ecossaise_ and the rest,
+don't you know.
+
+The professor inclined his head gravely.
+
+"Ha, French! Then Monsieur Marchand has done something with the frog,
+has he?" he questioned.
+
+"Twenty-nine different stunts," Billings replied proudly. "I _know_
+because I'm on the House Committee. Yes, _sir_, frogs are his specialty;
+that man can get more out of a frog than any other living man."
+
+The professor looked a little nettled.
+
+"Oh, indeed!" he said rather coldly.
+
+"I tell you, Professor, he's got 'em _all_ skinned!" Billings enthused.
+
+The remark provoked a contemptuous sniff.
+
+"Undoubtedly, that being the proper condition preliminary to comparative
+anatomical study," said the professor loftily. "Then the physical
+resemblance to a man becomes startling. I have identified every analogy
+with man except the beautiful phenomenon of the beating of the frog
+heart twenty-four hours after separation from the body--the living body,
+sir. Experiment upon the living human specimen is necessary for
+confirmation of the homologous structure of the two hearts, however.
+This I have not done--not yet."
+
+He spoke gloomily. I looked at Billings blankly but I found Billings was
+looking at me the same way.
+
+Every once in a while he had been lifting the pajamas. He would cough
+and open his mouth, but just then the professor would start off again.
+Once Billings, with an awfully savage expression, shook his fist at our
+visitor's back and danced up and down upon the rug.
+
+"The indifference, not to say prejudice, of the public upon the matter
+of human vivisection is heartrending," went on the professor sadly.
+"Sir, I have advertised in the 'help wanted' columns of the daily press,
+and have interviewed scores without arousing one spark of ambition or
+awakening one thrill of gratitude over the opportunity offered to assist
+me in the investigation of scientific phenomena. I pleaded, sir; I
+reproached; I even showed them the demonstration upon the frog. Did I
+move them? Were they affected, do you think?"
+
+I shook my head sympathetically. Seemed the safe thing to do.
+
+"A lot of pikers, by George!" said Billings with an air of indignation.
+"Must have been shameless!"
+
+"Deuced indifferent," I ventured. "I should have been regularly cut up."
+
+"Ah! of course you would," cried the professor, lifting another pinch.
+"There speaks the intelligent devotee of science! But did they see it
+that way? Not at all, sir; they were only indifferent and
+ungrateful--they were rude and--ah--boisterous! One savage primate
+assaulted me with his bare knuckles. A blow, gentlemen, a blow from the
+boasted family of anthropina!"
+
+"Beastly outrage, Professor," growled Billings. "Leave it to me; I know
+a chap who's got a pull with the police commissioner, and I'll just tip
+him off, by George. It's no matter what family they are or how much they
+boasted. It'll be the hurry wagon and the cooler for them, eh, Dicky?"
+
+He gestured to me wildly, nodding his head like a man with the
+what's-it-name dance.
+
+"Deuced good idea. Awful rotters, I say," was my comment.
+
+The professor seemed affected by our sympathy. He withdrew from his
+pocket a folded handkerchief, slowly opened it and pressed it lightly to
+each eye. Then he carefully refolded and replaced it.
+
+"Strange thing, the persistence of the primitive emotions," he said,
+sniffing thoughtfully. "Singular how they affect the lachrymal
+_apparati_. Peculiarly disagreeable taste, gentlemen, that of tears,
+despite their simple elementary composition--ninety-nine and six-tenths
+per cent. water, you remember, and the rest a modicum of chloride of
+sodium, mucus, soda and phosphates. H'm! Your pardon, gentlemen, for
+this digression, but to have sustained a stab under this very roof from
+_genus homo_! It is indeed hard."
+
+Here Jenkins, who had been lingering and busying himself about the
+apartment, whispered to me from behind:
+
+"It's that dago, sir, that delivers fruit every day."
+
+"Eh?"
+
+"That's the name. I see him going back every morning."
+
+Jenkins moved off, nodding mysteriously, as I stared at him through my
+glass. In his way, Billings was speaking words of comfort and all that
+sort of thing to the professor.
+
+"Never mind; the law will get 'em for you," he reassured him.
+
+"Ah! that's just where you are in error," sighed our guest. "The law,
+sir, will not get a single subject for me. In this age of unrestrained
+liberty of all classes, the law lends no aid whatever to science. It is
+not as it was in the glorious past when, under imperial patronage,
+Vesalius, the great father of anatomy, was protected when by mistake his
+scalpel cut the living heart of a Spanish grandee. Times worth while,
+gentlemen, those great days of supreme imperialism! Ah! there was no
+lack of material available if one stood in a little at court; one had
+only to designate a selection and the thing was done. Gracious, gentle
+times, my friends! Gone, alas, for ever! Such opportunities are
+impossible under a republic."
+
+The professor shook his head and reached for his handkerchief again. But
+this time he only blew his nose.
+
+"_Tempora mutantur_," he murmured regretfully, "Eh, gentlemen?"
+
+"True," said Billings, pursing his lips. "Ah, how true!"
+
+"By Jove, ought to be something done, you know," I declared.
+
+"Out of millions, not a single human specimen available," groaned the
+professor dismally. "And my instruments ready for over a year."
+
+"Cheer up, sir; you'll have a go yet," Billings encouraged.
+
+"Ah!" The professor's little eyes swept Billings' person critically.
+"Perhaps you, sir, would like the privilege--"
+
+Billings staggered back a step or two precipitately.
+
+"Delighted; nothing'd give me greater pleasure, but so infernally busy,"
+he explained hurriedly. "Just my confounded luck; unfortunately, got to
+go to Egypt right away--probably to-morrow morning."
+
+The professor sighed again in his disappointment.
+
+"No matter; I shall find some one in time," he said grimly. "But I shall
+abandon this foolish persuasion and cajolery as unworthy of the
+scientist. Do we lower ourselves with such devices in securing a
+butterfly or a grasshopper or a frog or any animate specimen except man?
+Certainly not; we capture and etherize them."
+
+He glanced about the room and beckoned us with his finger.
+
+"I have lately had my eye upon the gas man," he said in a low tone. He
+closed one eye impressively.
+
+"Ah!" said Billings, his mouth dropping open wide.
+
+"The individual who comes at intervals to take the quarters from the
+slot meter. H'm, fine subject, gentlemen!"
+
+"Great!" agreed Billings.
+
+"Ripping idea," I tried as a reply.
+
+The professor clasped his fingers tightly and rubbed his thumbs one over
+the other. He brightened visibly.
+
+"The party has to go down upon his knees and stoop behind the end of the
+tub in the bath-room," he continued. "It was my thought that while in
+that advantageous position the sudden, quick application of a Turkish
+bath towel saturated in ether would--Eh? Do you follow me?"
+
+"Devilish clever, you know," I said. I had already selected this for
+reply for this time.
+
+Billings failed to come up. He just stared hard, rolled his eyes and ran
+his finger around under his collar.
+
+The professor, in the act of taking another pinch from my shirt front,
+paused with a little jerk. Then his great head shot forward in front of
+his rigid neck--so suddenly, by Jove, that I reached out to try to catch
+it, don't you know. He made just two strides to the table, ten feet
+away, and pounced upon the pajamas with obviously trembling hands.
+
+And behind his back Billings relapsed into an arm-chair and fanned
+himself with a magazine.
+
+His head dropped back, and upon his fat face was a what-you-call-it
+smile of peace. He closed his eyes for an instant.
+
+"Suffering Thomas cats! At last!" I heard him murmur.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+I RECEIVE A SHOCK
+
+
+The professor fumblingly sought through his pockets, and producing a
+pair of spectacles with phenomenally large lenses, adjusted them
+shakily.
+
+He bent over the pajamas eagerly.
+
+"Impossible! And yet, it is, it is!" he muttered. "I would know the
+weave among a thousand. It is hers undoubtedly, undoubtedly--the lost
+silk of Si-Ling-Chi! How comes it here?"
+
+He glared around rather wildly at each of us in turn. Without waiting
+for a reply, he whisked back to the pajamas, and fishing out a thick
+magnifying lens, scrutinized the garments closely. It seemed that he
+would certainly nod his big head off its jolly hinge; and his quick side
+glances at Billings and myself, together with his growling and
+muttering, just reminded me of a dog with a bone, by Jove!
+
+I stared at Billings and Billings stared at me, and then he slipped over
+to the divan upon which I dropped, completely exhausted, dash it, from
+standing so long.
+
+"_Whose_ did he say?" he whispered.
+
+"Celia something," I answered. "Dash it, I didn't catch her surname.
+Oh, I say, you know, this is _awful_!"
+
+I felt devilish mortified. Wondered what Frances might think, you know.
+Billings drew in his lips and wagged his head ominously. He waved me
+nearer.
+
+"He's on," he breathed behind his hand; "he's looking for her laundry
+mark. Now, wouldn't that feaze you?"
+
+An exclamation of triumph from the professor, another glance at us, and
+a hoarser and more prolonged mutter. I shifted uneasily. By Jove, I
+didn't like it at all!
+
+Billings looked at me in consternation. "I wouldn't be in your shoes,
+Dicky," he whispered. "You'll be pinched for this, sure."
+
+"Oh, I say, now! I tell you, a friend in China--"
+
+Billings shrugged impatiently. "Just a plant, you chowder head," he
+said, viewing me pityingly. "I tell you that's how all these
+blackmailing schemes are worked. You ought to be more careful."
+
+"But, dash it, I don't even know her, this Celia what's-her-name," I
+protested miserably. If Frances' brother thought that way, what would
+_she_ think?
+
+"Um! Maybe you don't, but they'll expect you to say that, anyhow. You're
+up against it, old chap; the professor here evidently knows her and he
+knows her pajamas--relative, probably."
+
+By Jove, I felt a little faint!
+
+"It will be all over New York to-morrow," continued Billings gloomily.
+"Your picture and hers will be in the extras."
+
+Out of the professor's mutterings we caught a random sentence.
+
+"Found, found again," we heard him say. "Hers beyond peradventure of a
+doubt. I am _not_ mistaken."
+
+Billings rose, and his beckoning finger summoned me to a corner of the
+room.
+
+"This is going to cost you a pot of money, Dicky," he said with a
+serious air, "to say nothing of the scandal. My advice is, try buying
+him off--best thing in the long run. I'll feel him for you."
+
+Nodding solemnly to me he cleared his voice. "H'm! I say, Professor."
+
+The professor, with his eye glued to the lens and the lens to the silk,
+turned slowly about.
+
+"H'm!" began Billings. "The--h'm--articles you have there--you recognize
+where they are from--eh?"
+
+"Of course," he snapped, without looking up.
+
+"H'm! And whose did I understand you to say--I--er--did not catch her
+name."
+
+His glance uplifted and scoured us sourly.
+
+"Si-Ling-Chi. Did you think I did not know? I recognized at sight her
+wonderful disappearing weave." He bent again with his lens. "Marvelous,
+indeed, after all these years," he muttered. "So long, so long!
+Incredible preservation!"
+
+Billings placed his finger against his nose, rolled his eyes upward and
+emitted the faintest of whistles. He caught my arm sharply.
+
+"Say, how old are you, Dicky?" he whispered excitedly.
+
+"I--er--twenty-seven, I think, old chap," I replied hesitatingly.
+
+Billings noiselessly slapped his leg. His face brightened.
+
+"Been of age six years," he calculated to himself. "By George, maybe you
+can prove an alibi!"
+
+He coughed again at the absorbed figure stooping over the table.
+
+"Ah, Professor--h'm--how long now would you say it might be since--well,
+she you mention--how long a time since she last saw--er--what you have
+there--eh?"
+
+"How long?" repeated the professor absently. Then he moved, but his hand
+only, and he flipped it, don't you know, as one does to banish a fly or
+a dashed mosquito--that sort of thing, by Jove!
+
+"Can't you figure it out yourself?" he questioned irritably. "You
+remember chronology gives Hwang-Si's reign as in the twenty-sixth
+century before Christ; and of course, that of Si-Ling-Chi, his empress,
+would be the same."
+
+Billings subsided limply into a chair.
+
+"Great Thomas cats!" he gasped weakly.
+
+"I think I divine the astute purpose of your inquiry," said the
+professor, pausing to polish his glasses and favoring us with a wintry
+smile. "It does not deceive me. You have in mind, sir, the erroneous
+chronology that places Si-Ling-Chi thirteen centuries earlier. Ha! Is
+not my suspicion correct?"
+
+"Regular bull's-eye!" responded Billings. "I mean," he added hastily,
+"what's the use of denying it?"
+
+"Twenty-six centuries before the Christian era is the best we can give
+Si-Ling-Chi," said the professor, carefully affixing his glasses and
+falling once more upon the pajamas.
+
+"By Jove!" I said dazedly. "Then the lady--er--I mean the party--she's
+rather far back--er--isn't she, don't you know?"
+
+The professor answered abstractedly:
+
+"Two thousand years before Confucius; twenty-four hundred and
+twenty-nine years before the building of the Great Wall," he murmured
+mechanically.
+
+Jove, but I was relieved! I looked inquiringly at Billings. He just sat
+there kind of drooping, and shook his head. "I'm all in," he motioned
+with his lips; and he wiped his forehead.
+
+"Ah, gentlemen!" exclaimed the professor, coming back again, "what a
+thing this little Chinese woman did for civilization when she gave the
+world silk culture and invented the loom! No wonder the Chinese deified
+her as a goddess."
+
+"Goddess!" Billings swallowed hard. "And did these--h'm--garments belong
+to the lady?"
+
+The professor frowned at him in surprise. "Garments?"
+
+"Them," said Billings in devilish questionable grammar, pointing to the
+table. "They are pajamas, you know."
+
+"Ha!" ejaculated the professor, holding them up. "So they are. You are
+very observing, sir, very. Now, I had not noticed that at all; I was so
+interested in the material itself--the wonderful silk of Si-Ling-Chi,
+gentlemen. Ha! Indeed a rare privilege!"
+
+By Jove! He stroked the stuff lightly, tenderly--as one likes to do a
+little child's hair, don't you know.
+
+"Beautiful, beautiful fabric," he sighed half to himself. "Only once
+before have I seen a piece of it--but it was enough; I could never,
+never forget." Something like a groan escaped him.
+
+Billings angled his head toward me and tightly compressed one eye.
+
+"H'm! Something in the petticoat line--eh, Professor?"
+
+The professor's face wrinkled with the most matter-of-fact surprise.
+
+"Petticoat?" he piped querulously. "You are forgetting that the
+petticoat is a vestment unknown in China."
+
+"Oh, in China! I was thinking of Paree," chuckled Billings, with a gay
+air and another glance at me. Then his nerve withered under the
+professor's blank stare, and he added hurriedly:
+
+"H'm! So it was in China you saw the other piece of silk?"
+
+The professor sighed profoundly. His reply came dreamily, regretfully:
+
+"In the Purple Forbidden City; but I was not quick enough."
+
+"Not quick enough?" Billings' echo was solicitous, sympathetic.
+
+"It was among the palace treasures, the imperial properties--things
+unhappily lost to the world and civilization. Ah, gentlemen, I erred; I
+committed a fatal mistake; it has been a matter of deep mortification to
+me often!" His head wagged somberly.
+
+Billings looked a little embarrassed and rubbed his chin. "H'm!" he
+coughed. "I guess we all slip a cog now and then. I know I've done
+things myself I've been rather ash--"
+
+"I erred, gentlemen," went on the professor, "in trusting most
+unscientifically to the false principle that the hand is quicker than
+the eye. It is _not_ true, for one of the guards saw me and my
+carelessness cost me dearly: I not only lost the silk, but a singularly
+beautiful gold thread altar cloth and a matchless amulet of _yu-chi
+jade_, you know--white jade, at that, gentlemen, I assure you--a rare
+bit of carving of the second century--real Khoton jade, too--no base
+_fei-tsui_. But, alas! I lost them, my friends; they confiscated them,
+and no doubt they are still there in their original places from which I
+had--a--attached them. Do you wonder at my mortification? And then the
+sacrifice of a whole year of planning, watching, bribing and perfecting
+of preliminary disguise! All fruitless, fruitless!"
+
+The professor lifted and dropped his palms in eloquent deprecation.
+
+Billings' foot pressed mine. "Now, wouldn't that frost you?" he
+whispered under his breath. Aloud he exclaimed indignantly:
+
+"Beastly outrage; it must have been painful."
+
+The professor started in the act of lifting the pajamas again.
+
+"Pain? I did not speak of the physical consequences. They were too
+terrible to discuss. I--"
+
+The pajamas dropped from his hands and his eyes took on that
+somewhere-else, far-off look, don't you know.
+
+"Sort of 'third degree' work, Professor?" Billings prodded him.
+
+The professor did not reply. His long, slim fingers swept his forehead
+for an instant and he looked away again, his little eyes dilated.
+Somehow it made one feel devilish uncomfortable, dash it!
+
+Billings cocked his eye at me and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. Then
+he deliberately kicked at the tabouret and sent its brass fixture set
+clattering noisily across the room.
+
+The professor shivered, compressed his lips and blinked at us.
+
+"Your pardon, gentlemen," he observed in some confusion. "Some one was
+asking me--"
+
+"What they did to you when you lift--I mean when you lost
+the--er--loot."
+
+He stared, shivered again and returned to the pajamas, muttering an
+almost inaudible reply.
+
+We caught a word or two: "Long imprisonment--much physical
+pain--unspeakable things--do not like to think of it--I--"
+
+His eyes closed. He folded his long, thin arms shudderingly. Billings
+and I sat very still. The professor's voice came as from far away:
+
+"I could tell you of some experiences in China and in Tibet," he
+murmured. "Perhaps I--some other time--such horrible details, I--"
+
+He leaned heavily upon the table with both hands. His head dropped
+forward an instant.
+
+"No matter _now_," he muttered. "It was long, long ago!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS
+
+
+"George!" breathed Billings, breaking a curious, tense silence.
+
+The professor suddenly faced us, holding up the pajamas with a gesture
+of inquiry.
+
+"From a friend of Mr. Lightnut's in China," Billings explained.
+
+Aside, he whispered hurriedly: "Don't say a word about the rubies! You
+heard him--murder, grand larceny or arson--it's all one to the old
+gazabe! Anybody can see that. He doesn't let little things like those
+stand in the way of getting what he wants!" He frowned warningly.
+
+"H'm! In the neck, Professor--I mean inside the collar," he said,
+approaching the table--"there's some kind of freak lettering. Looks
+foolish to me."
+
+The professor looked perplexed.
+
+"I mean, looks like it was done by some one who was batty--had wheels,
+you know; probably some chink whose biscuit was drifty," floundered
+Billings. "_You_ understand!"
+
+The professor didn't. I knew that jolly well by the way he cocked his
+head on one side, standing like a puzzled crow, don't you know.
+
+"Ha! I fear I do not as I should," he said with an apologetic cough.
+"Perhaps I do not intelligently and logically follow your deductions
+because your premises are inscrutable until I have seen the lettering.
+Ah!"
+
+Out came glasses and lens again and he bent over the collar eagerly.
+
+"H'm! The _Hwuyi_, or ideographic characters, rather than the
+ideophonetic!" He looked up at Billings and myself inquiringly. "Ha! I
+trust we start together in accord upon that conclusion, eh, gentlemen?"
+
+Billings nodded emphatically.
+
+"Surest thing you know," he declared firmly, and whispered to me
+triumphantly. "Didn't I tell him it was idiotic?"
+
+The professor's lips moved rapidly and his visage twisted into a
+horrible frown.
+
+"Why, why--a--what!" With mouth open, and gripping the pajamas tightly,
+he glared at us each in turn.
+
+"Oh, impossible!" he rasped harshly, seizing the lens and bending again.
+"Incredible--poof--absurd--tut, tut, what nonsense!"
+
+The glass swept the lines rapidly. Suddenly, with a cry, the professor
+dropped the lens, a violent start almost lifting him from the floor.
+
+"_Papauhegopoulos!_" he cried explosively, and whirled on us again.
+
+Dash me, if I didn't fall back a step, his eyes rolled so wildly. But
+Billings stood his ground, by Jove!
+
+"I didn't quite catch--" he began hesitatingly, angling his bristly red
+head forward and smiling pleasantly.
+
+The professor seemed abashed of a sudden.
+
+"H'm! Your pardon, gentlemen! Merely an expletive--h'm--a Greek word I
+indulge in sometimes when--when excited; a weakness, I might say. H'm!"
+He seized his lens again.
+
+Billings' eyes yielded admiration.
+
+"Great Scott, Dicky!" he whispered in my ear. "See what a thing
+education is! Think of being able to swear _in Greek_--in Greek, Dicky!"
+Billings' voice expressed awe. "Why, he's got an Erie Canal skipper
+backed clear off the board, and if he wanted to turn loose, I'll bet he
+could make a certain railway president I know look like a two-spot!"
+
+At this point the professor struck his fist angrily upon the pajamas.
+The face that he turned was unnaturally flushed and his chin quivered
+excitedly.
+
+"Ridiculous, I say! Poof!" He snapped his fingers. "Necromancy and
+thaumaturgy transmitted in pajamas! Absurd!"
+
+"Piffle!" said Billings emphatically. "Don't know what they are," he
+whispered to me, "but I'll take a hundred-to-one shot on anything he
+says. The professor's a corker!"
+
+"By Jove!" I remarked. "Perhaps Professor Huckleberry won't mind telling
+us--"
+
+"What I think, gentlemen? What _could_ I think but what I am sure is
+your own conclusion--though you have generously and considerately left
+me to form my own opinion--namely, that the claim of supernatural
+attributes of these garments is preposterous. Enchanted pajamas! Haunted
+pajamas! Poof! Nursery lore; children's fairy tales! Ghosts, gentlemen?
+Tut, tut--nonsense!"
+
+He snorted indignantly.
+
+"Ghosts!" faltered Billings.
+
+"Oh, I say!" I rather gasped. Dash me if it didn't give me a turn,
+rather!
+
+The professor shrugged his shoulders.
+
+
+"What other interpretation is admissible, gentlemen?" he questioned
+somewhat peevishly, taking up the coat. "Here we have the royal insignia
+of the cruel emperor, Kee, and we note that these garments were given
+some one in his court by the alleged sorcerer, Fuh-keen. Perhaps it was
+revenge--perhaps some court plot in which Fuh-keen, for reasons of his
+own, was an active participant; it is of no importance, that part of it.
+So much for the first line: but now we come--"
+
+He paused to polish his spectacles.
+
+"Tell me," he said more cheerfully, "do our free translations of the
+ideographs so far agree in essentials--eh?"
+
+"Like as two peas!" Billings declared with manifest enthusiasm.
+
+The professor looked gratified and bowed.
+
+"Of course, the rendition is entirely a free one," he remarked. "You
+must not expect too much."
+
+"Devilish handsome and clever of him!" I whispered to Billings, as the
+professor proceeded to adjust his spectacles. "Dash it, I wish he'd let
+me pay him, though."
+
+"Forget it!" hissed Billings. "Didn't he just say it was free? He's no
+cheap skate, I tell you."
+
+The professor resumed:
+
+"Now we come to the second line, or, more strictly speaking, column," he
+said, straightening impressively. "Here we find the astonishing claim
+made that there will be a change or metamorphosis of any kind of animal
+life that these habiliments enshroud. Um!"
+
+The great man breathed heavily and batted at us over his glasses.
+
+"_Credat Judaeus apella_--eh, gentlemen?" And he winked knowingly.
+Dashed if he didn't almost catch me swallowing a yawn, too! For I hadn't
+any idea what he was talking about or driving at, and, by Jove, I _did_
+know I was getting devilish sleepy.
+
+The professor waved his glasses. "Did you ever read such a childish,
+ridiculous, extravagant asseveration?" he demanded.
+
+"Ass--eh? I should say so!" I worked this off indignantly.
+
+"Tommyrot!" murmured Billings absently. He seemed thoughtful.
+
+I was thoughtful, too--wondering, by Jove, whether the professor would
+go soon, so we could turn in and get the earlier start to-morrow up the
+river. But chiefly I was wondering wistfully if Frances would still be
+angry with me.
+
+"Moreover," broke in the professor's voice as he turned again to the
+lettering, "to assert further that there will be a semblance--not
+actual, gentlemen, mind you, but an optical illusion--taking the form of
+some creature of the same kind that this silken tenement has previously
+inclosed.
+
+"In other words, gentlemen, if I were to don these garments, I might no
+longer look like myself, but like some one else who had worn them upon
+some previous occasion--perhaps last night--perhaps a thousand years
+ago. Eh? Is that what you understand?"
+
+He ducked again over the letters and came up, looking chagrined.
+
+"Moreover, I am forced to confess, gentlemen, that I fail to find a
+system--any rule governing these ridiculous transformations. The
+hypothesis is, therefore, that the alleged materializations merely
+follow the arbitrary caprice of the magic." He shook his head. "Well,
+gentlemen, I--really, I must laugh!"
+
+And he did! I hadn't caught the drift of what it was he thought he was
+laughing at--I got the words, but I was too dashed sleepy to get the
+sense. But I was awfully glad I understood this much--that what he was
+attempting now _was_ a laugh. I never would have known it. It was more
+like a shrieking squeak--rusty hinge, you know, that sort of thing.
+
+"First-time-I've-laughed-in-twenty-years!" His shrill cackle ran a
+treble scale that ended in high C. "I know you--you won't believe it!"
+
+"Believe it?" said Billings drily, "I'd bet a purse on it." He whispered
+to me: "Don't need any affidavit; it _shows_. Sounds like a country
+wagon on a down grade, brake on, and shrieking like a banshee."
+
+Behind me the door opened slightly. I turned to see Jenkins, looking
+devilish chalky and a little wild-eyed. He lifted a coil of stout sash
+cord questioningly.
+
+"Eh? Why, no!" I whispered through the opening. "He's just _laughing_.
+Don't be a jolly ass!" And I closed the door sharply.
+
+The professor looked up from the pajamas, and folding his arms, eyed
+Billings with a cunning leer.
+
+"I think I see," he said, leveling his finger. "You have both
+demonstrated how nonsensical is the assertion in this inscription.
+Doubtless you desire an experiment upon my part to confirm your proof of
+its absurdity. _Reductio ad absurdum_--eh, gentlemen?"
+
+Billings looked at me, but I couldn't help him. Why, dash it, I didn't
+even know yet what the inscription was. And, by Jove, I didn't know
+what experiments he wanted to try with the pajamas, but I didn't care.
+He could boil them, if he wanted to, if he would only let us get to bed.
+
+So at random I just nodded eagerly.
+
+"Excellent!" The professor's chuckle sounded like dice rattling in a
+metal box. "An excellent jest upon this fellow, Fuh-keen, to furnish a
+demonstration by twentieth-century scientists of the presumption of his
+claims of necromancy and thaumaturgy. You have done so--now I will do
+so, in turn. Eh, gentlemen?"
+
+I hadn't the ghost of an idea what he was talking about. Fact is, I was
+thinking of my darling and wondering if she was asleep. By Jove, I
+wished that _I_ was!
+
+But a devilish queer look had come into Billings' face. He nodded,
+gathered the pajamas into the professor's arms and patted him on the
+shoulder in a way I thought offensively familiar.
+
+"You've got it, Professor!" he said, grinning.
+
+Then he whispered to me aside:
+
+"Not a word, Dicky--great Scott!" But he needn't have said that, even if
+I had been mind-reader enough to guess what word he meant. It was about
+all I could do to get out a last word to the professor as he went out
+the door:
+
+"'Night!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+BILLINGS RAMBLES
+
+
+Ten minutes later I was almost wide awake, for Billings was talking over
+long distance--and to _her_!
+
+But I did not like the way he did it.
+
+"Shut up, Francis!" he bellowed. "Now you listen to what I'm telling
+you--and do _just_ as I tell you to, too--if you don't, I'll mash your
+face when I come up there! You hear?"
+
+And he swore at her--yes, by Jove, _swore_!
+
+"Oh, here--I say now!" I remonstrated indignantly.
+
+"It's all right, Dicky," and he waved his fat hand indifferently as he
+hung up the receiver. "Francis wants to drive that car down for us in
+the morning--Francis, now!" And his hands went out impressively.
+
+And dash it, I _was_ impressed--I was delighted.
+
+"By Jove!" I cried. "Fine!" For I knew by that that she had forgiven me.
+
+"Fine!" snorted Billings. "You don't know what you're talking about!
+Francis hasn't got sense enough to get a road engine ten feet without
+smashing it, much less a car twenty-five miles."
+
+"Oh, look here!" I growled protestingly, "I don't like to hear you
+talking about--er--Frances that way."
+
+Billings grunted and bit a cigar savagely without stopping to clip it.
+He pulled fiercely at it a moment.
+
+"Kind of you, old chap," he exclaimed, "but you don't know our family as
+_I_ do. If Francis has got a headache _now_, I know that by morning--"
+
+"Headache?" I cried in dismay.
+
+He nodded. "So I understood over the 'phone--been getting at the
+governor's private stock, I'd bet all I've got." He shook his head
+gloomily. "No, sir; that car cost five thousand, and when you can't
+trust people sober, how are you going to trust them drunk?"
+
+I sighed as I remembered the half pint of whisky she had taken--but,
+dash it, I didn't care! It somehow didn't seem to make any difference in
+my loving her. The only thing important, really, in the matter of the
+car was that she might hurt herself. Billings didn't seem to think of
+that. And yet, by Jove, she _wanted_ to come! She _must_!
+
+"See here," I said coaxingly, for Billings seemed to have gone off in a
+moody, brown study, "you must remember, old chap, your sister has been
+cooped up there in Radcliffe for months. Why not let her have the run
+down to the city and back? It will do her good, you know."
+
+"Of course," he said absently. "She's going to drive the car down."
+
+"Eh--what say?" I was sure I had not heard aright.
+
+"I say she's going to bring the car down--my chauffeur's sick, it
+seems."
+
+I didn't wonder at that, but I _did_ wonder at his sudden change.
+
+"Then you're not afraid--"
+
+"Afraid? I should say not! She can drive better than I can--better than
+anybody in Westchester County!"
+
+"I see--I see!" I said in a low voice. And I _did_ see, poor fellow! By
+Jove, my spirits sank to zero.
+
+"Yes, _there's_ somebody you can always rely on!" he enthused under his
+changing mood. "Good thing in this blankety world there's _somebody_ you
+can rely on--among women, I mean. There's a girl with a purpose in
+life--yes, sir! Never dances, plays bridge, nor uses slang--no, sir! And
+what's more, in this cursed age, she's one woman who can go through life
+and say she never touched a cigarette or a cocktail."
+
+"Of course--of course!" I agreed soothingly. By Jove, it was a devilish
+sight better to have him talk this way about her. I wouldn't antagonize
+anything he might say now. And I had turned his mind just by a simple
+hint--the power of suggestion, you know. Just as I had myself forgotten
+I was sleepy.
+
+"Of course, you never have met my sister, have you?" he puffed. "I mean
+the one that's been up at Radcliffe."
+
+"Oh, _never_!" I said promptly.
+
+"You will in the morning," said Billings, flicking his ash. "Not much to
+look at--I mean not what you would call handsome--"
+
+I interrupted. "Oh, but I say," I exclaimed unguardedly, "how can you
+say that? I think she's just beautiful."
+
+"Eh?" He stared so hard I was afraid I had got his mind off again.
+"Thought you said you had never met her."
+
+"No, no, I never did," I stammered. "Mistake, you know."
+
+He went on musingly: "But I understand that her room-mate--who has come
+home with her, by the way--is a peach. English girl, you know. They tell
+me Francis is crazy about her beauty."
+
+Dashed if I could see how she could be, for, by Jove, I had seen her
+myself. It was the frump! Peach? She was a _fright_!
+
+Here Billings' eyes hung on the ceiling as though he would bore through
+it.
+
+"Say, do you know"--he dropped his voice, still looking up--"I hope the
+old gazabe up there won't get wise to those rubies. Awfully careless of
+us--forgot all about them. By George, I've half a mind to go up there
+and get the pajamas back."
+
+"Oh, dash it, no!" I protested, for I was getting sleepy again. "It's
+the silk the old fellow was interested in; he wants to examine it--try
+some experiments--something. He'll never think of the jolly rubies, you
+know."
+
+Billings looked at me oddly. "That's so," he agreed. "Still, I know I
+won't sleep, thinking about those rubies." Then he looked up at the
+ceiling again and muttered: "Wonder if the old boy _will_ have any
+visitors to-night?"
+
+I yawned. I knew it wasn't likely--not with _him_!
+
+Billings rose. "Well, I'll get along over to the club, old chap. Now
+mind, the car will call for you about nine. Then you are to pick me
+up--that is, unless I should come over here. And, oh, say, Dicky!" He
+turned back from the door where Jenkins waited with his hat and cane.
+"Speaking of pajamas--er--what do you think of black ones--eh?"
+
+By Jove, I got red--could just feel it, you know!
+
+"Ever see a suit of black silk pajamas?" Billings chuckled.
+
+Now for it! "I--I--never did," I managed to get out.
+
+"Never heard of any myself before," Billings gurgled. "But great idea,
+don't you think? Good thing, traveling--Pullmans, hotels--that sort of
+thing--eh? Just got them to-day--ordered two weeks ago."
+
+By Jove, what a relief! I felt myself breathing again.
+
+"Wish you would stay," I said, for I felt uneasy about him.
+
+"Oh, no," carelessly; "all my traps are over there, you know." He
+smiled. "To say nothing of the new pajamas."
+
+Standing in the door, he looked upward again, twirling his cane. His
+head shook dubiously.
+
+
+"Could kick myself about those rubies," he grumbled. "Just half a mind
+to go up there--" He shrugged. "Oh, well, good night, old chap; see you
+in the morning."
+
+I murmured some reply as I followed him without. Then I stood a moment
+looking down the shaft after he had descended.
+
+"Hope he'll be all right in the morning," I mused. "And hope his
+infernal mood won't shift round again as to Frances!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS
+
+
+"Are you _sure_, Mr. Lightnut?"
+
+I stood, cap in hand, one foot on the sidewalk before the Kahoka, the
+other on the running-board of the car--a big double-tonneau red whale
+sort of affair. This was as far as I had been admitted to the vehicle.
+
+For the frump was sitting there behind the steering wheel, looking down
+at me in a nasty, sidewise fashion. Ever have them do you that way?
+Besides, I somehow felt that she had a feeling toward me as a man, an
+unvoiced protest against my existence at all. It found expression in her
+suspicious, sniffy manner. Dash it, I just hated that woman from the
+start! I felt it was bad enough, her English clumsiness in getting the
+introductions twisted as I advanced to meet the car, but now I was of
+half a mind that she had done it purposely. Could see with half an eye
+that she was determined to make trouble about yesterday.
+
+"Haven't we met before, Mr. Lightnut?" she had asked.
+
+But it struck me that Frances glanced at me with a kind of wistful
+light in her lovely eyes, and I saw that the game was to lie like a
+gentleman--that sort of thing, you know. And, by Jove, I was getting
+kind of used to it now, anyhow--I mean since I had broken the ice last
+night. Not hard at all, though, after a few goes--really!
+
+So I stood out that I had never had the pleasure, you know--all that
+sort of polite rot. And all the time felt like a jolly cad, too, meeting
+a girl with that, when _she_ remembered! But, by Jove, it was worth
+sacrificing the frump fifty times over just to see Frances' face
+brighten and note her faint flush and smile as she looked at me. For,
+dash it, I knew then I had done the right thing!
+
+"Um!" grunted the frump, compressing her lips and looking at my darling.
+"There's one good thing: the experience with Mr. Smith will teach
+Francis a lesson!"
+
+The cat! Nice sort of host!
+
+But the dear girl just laughed--how I remembered that laugh!
+
+"Poor Francis!" she said lightly. "Do you know," she added, "I believe I
+can forgive a Harvard man almost anything, Mr. Lightnut."
+
+By Jove! The angel! And before I knew what I was doing or thought about
+the frump, I had stretched out a hand to her, looking her straight in
+the eye and smiling. She hesitated an instant only, then laughed, and I
+felt her little fingers just brush my palm--but it was enough.
+
+She flushed a little shyly and addressed the frump.
+
+"Are we going to keep Mr. Lightnut standing like this all day?" she
+asked.
+
+"Half on earth and half in heaven--like what's-his-name's coffin," I
+suggested. Devilish good, that, don't you think? _She_ thought so, for
+she opened the door herself as the frump turned, murmuring some silly
+thing about China and the open door to America. What did China have to
+do with it?
+
+And it was just then that Jenkins bolted wildly from the building.
+
+"Mr. Lightnut--quick, sir! Mr. Billings, sir!"
+
+I thought of the telephone right off, but he just caught my arm. First
+time ever knew Jenkins to take a liberty.
+
+"Come quick, sir!" he exclaimed. "He's up-stairs and, oh, off his nut,
+sir--_awful_!"
+
+"By Jove!" I gasped. "Excuse me--will see--come right back and tell
+you--I feared this last night." And I rushed to the elevator with
+Jenkins.
+
+"He's in them black pajamas he was talking about," said Jenkins
+gloomily, "and he's run the perfesser off. Leastwise, he ain't there,
+and his man can't get Mr. Billings to go. He came down for me, but I
+couldn't do a thing with him, either."
+
+I knew--I understood. It was the dwelling of his mind upon the rubies!
+He had gone back in the night for them--in his sleep, for all I knew.
+But I thought most likely awake, for recent experience with him showed
+me that he didn't think anything of wandering around the neighborhood in
+his pajamas.
+
+The janitor's pale face met us at the landing.
+
+"I've sent for the police, sir, and it would be a good idea, don't you
+think, if you could get him away before they come. I don't want to get
+Mr. Billings into no trouble."
+
+"Good idea," I agreed. "We'll just rush him to the car--but, h'm!"
+
+I suddenly remembered he was in pajamas. It might be all right to
+Billings to wander around in public streets and vehicles in his night
+things, but it certainly wouldn't do under the present circumstances.
+_He_ might not care, but then, there were the feelings of the girls to
+consider. And besides, dash it, I had some sort of idea it was against
+the law.
+
+I stood there in the corridor, puzzling.
+
+"We must get his clothes," I said to Jenkins. "No, wait, _wait_--not
+time! I want to get him away before the police get here.
+Um--dressing-robe--bathrobe--can't you get something of that
+sort--quick?"
+
+Jenkins shook his head distractedly.
+
+"Thought of that, sir--no use--nothing anywhere around here would
+half-way meet on Mr. Billings."
+
+Here the professor's man interposed.
+
+"Please hurry, sir; he's going through the professor's papers and
+things!" I dashed for the apartment, shouting to Jenkins to get a bundle
+of rugs and blankets to the car.
+
+Billings was standing by the window looking at a glass thermometer that
+he had just withdrawn from his mouth.
+
+"Um!" he grunted complacently. "Ninety-seven and a quarter--my usual
+healthy subnormal temperature. Pulse sixty-five--respiration,
+twenty-four and two-fifths--excellent, excellent! I am myself. Ha!" And
+he whirled triumphantly.
+
+"Ah!" he said, advancing eagerly and rubbing his hands. "It is you! You
+have heard, then? Marvelous, isn't it--wholly incredible! But do you
+know"--here he plucked at my shirt front, took a pinch, as it were, just
+as he had seen the professor do--"I can not find any transmigration. The
+materialization appears to be wholly optical."
+
+"Never mind," I said anxiously, for I knew he was talking about the
+rubies; "_we_ don't care." I smiled brightly. "Let's go down and see the
+car--_nice_ car!" And I tried to get hold of his fat side, but missed
+it.
+
+"Car?" Billings looked puzzled. Then his face broke into a smile.
+"_Carpe diem_--eh, am I not right? True, true! Whither you say." He
+looked about on a table. "Um--my notes, now," he muttered; and he caught
+up a small book and a pencil.
+
+The professor's man protested: "Professor Doozenberry don't like--"
+
+"Oh, dash it, let him have them!" I exclaimed, for Billings was already
+chuckling happily and writing in the little blank book.
+
+"Come on," I pleaded, catching a fold of the pajamas. "Wouldn't you like
+to come get some clothes on?"
+
+He drew back in alarm. "No, no--not yet--not until I complete my notes,"
+was his crazy answer. "You know: _sublata causa, tollitur effectus_!"
+And he looked as though he thought this would finish me.
+
+"But your friend," he exclaimed suddenly, as he allowed me to throw a
+blanket about his shoulders and we moved out of the door, "the gentleman
+I met last night--Billings--is not that the name?"
+
+I looked at him miserably as we entered the car to go down.
+
+"Oh, I say, Billings, old chap," I protested earnestly, "don't you know
+me?" I pointed to the little panel of mirror in the cage. "Don't you
+know _you_ are Billings? Can't you _see_?"
+
+His fat head pecked at the glass for an instant. Then he looked at me
+with eager, batting eyes. He chuckled hoarsely, gurglingly, and out came
+the note-book and pencil from his sleeve.
+
+"Better and better," he muttered. "Now, if we could only go to _him_!"
+He caught my arm. "In the interest of this investigation of scientific
+phenomena, would he consider a call intrusive--could we not seek your
+friend, Mr. Billings?"
+
+"It's all right, you know," I gently reassured him. "Yes, we're going to
+him--going right there. Just a little ride, you know."
+
+By Jove, the way he cackled made my heart ache! I whispered to Jenkins
+to run ahead and prepare the ladies. But the first thing we saw as the
+cage hit the bottom was a woman--and, dash it, the frump from China!
+
+She gave a little scream and fell on Billings' neck, almost bearing him
+to the ground.
+
+"Oh, Jacky, Jacky!" she sobbed.
+
+By Jove, I almost fell myself! So _that_ was the way the wind lay! And I
+had never even so much as suspected. _That_ was why he had raved so
+about her beauty! Beauty! Poor old Jack! If I had been sad about him
+before, it was a devilish sight worse now--
+
+Worse? Why, dash it, she _kissed_ him!
+
+
+And to see him standing there, kind of batting and rolling his eyes and
+looking like a girl does when she's trying a strange piece of candy out
+of the box--oh, it just broke me all up!
+
+No wonder he was crazy! Why, dash it, he would _have_ to be crazy!
+
+He was muttering to himself.
+
+"Remarkable!" I heard. "Singularly sensate and exhilarating! Now, I
+never would have thought--um!"
+
+And then he very deliberately took her head between his hands
+and--kissed her. Then he looked upward thoughtfully and did it
+again--like a chicken drinks water--_you_ know!
+
+And then while we--that is, Jenkins and I--were trying to urge him on,
+out came the note-book again and he scribbled rapidly, muttering
+audibly: "Labial osculation--extraordinary stimulation--sensatory
+ganglia--mucous membrane--"
+
+"Police!" I whispered brutally in the frump's ear. "Better let's get him
+away!" And, by Jove, that woke her out of her trance! In two minutes she
+had cajoled him to the car and we had him inside on the cushions. We
+bunched blankets and rugs about him to hide the pajamas.
+
+"Jacky, dear," gushed the Chinese freak, "wouldn't you like for me to
+sit by you and hold your poor hand?"
+
+It looked as if he would.
+
+The frump turned to me. "Can you drive the car, Mr. Lightnut?"
+
+_Could_ I? Well, I would show her! Especially as Frances had changed to
+the front as she saw us bringing out Billings.
+
+"Take the train--get Billings' things from the club," I called to
+Jenkins. "Sharp, now! And here, unhook that number there on the
+back--give it here!"
+
+Jenkins hesitated. "I think there's a heavy fine, sir," he hinted.
+
+I snapped my fingers at him and he jumped to obey.
+
+"Worse things than a jolly fine," I said, looking at poor Billings
+smiling crazily over the frump. I threw the number plate into the car.
+
+And just in time!
+
+Around the corner whirled a policeman--and, by Jove, no less than that
+fat Irishman, O'Keefe! With him was the professor's man.
+
+"Don't tell me," panted the officer; "I know my--"
+
+And then he gave a shout and sprang for the car.
+
+"It's that fellow that was prowling around the station house!" he
+yelled. "Here, stop there!"
+
+But I didn't want to. For one thing, we were a half-block away, and I
+had badly coasted a towel supply wagon and scattered the wares of a
+push-cart across three sidewalks.
+
+My cap went flying as we skidded a corner, and I was devilish glad, for
+the inertia threw Frances' head almost against mine and I felt the
+tickling brush of a little hair wisp as it swept my nose.
+
+Her eyes were dancing with excitement. She looked back, waving her hand
+at the figure of O'Keefe trotting from around the corner, and her
+laughter pealed joyously, deliciously in my ear.
+
+"Oh, I think American men are great--are _wonderful_!" she cried,
+striking her little hands together. "Especially Harvard men--and
+especially--" She stopped with the faintest catch.
+
+"By Jove!" I cried. "Do you _mean_ it?"
+
+And for the briefest instant the hands were three; but her scream
+brought me back to earth just in time to save the lives of a man and a
+boy. Devilish ungrateful, too, for I could see the man, three blocks
+behind, and still shaking his fist. The way with these pedestrians!
+
+At Fifty-ninth Street we caromed with a hansom trotting too leisurely
+across the plaza, and I listened for nearly a block to the remarks of a
+bicycle cop before he dropped behind. What dashed me not a little was
+Billings' indifference to the record I was making for his car--didn't
+seem to care a jolly hang.
+
+The frump was still hanging on him in a way to make you sick, and cooing
+and going on in a nervous, half-hysterical way I never would have
+thought her able to chirp up to. And Billings was holding her hand!
+
+"Hello!" I called to him, just after we clipped Yonkers.
+
+He looked up at me, smiling and nodding.
+
+"Feel all right now, old man?" I inquired cheerily.
+
+Billings looked at me hard, and then, dash it, he _winked_! And I began
+to wonder, by Jove, if it was just plain drunk.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+MY DARLING IS SLANDERED
+
+
+Three miles south of Irvington, Billings jumped wildly in the air and
+yelled for me to stop.
+
+"A _coleopteran_!" he shrieked excitedly as I throttled down. "A
+_coleopteran_ struck me in the eye--one of the _hydrophilidae_ family!"
+
+And hurling aside rugs and blankets, he twisted open the door and in a
+moment was in the road running back. It was then I went back to the
+crazy theory, for it was an open stretch of road and there wasn't a soul
+in sight. But it was so funny to see his fat figure waddling along there
+in the pajamas and bedroom slippers that Frances and I just threw back
+our heads and screamed. Couldn't help it, by Jove!
+
+And the frump, jogging along behind, looked just as funny. I wasn't
+alarmed, for I knew she could control him. And, dash it, she did it by
+humoring him! For we saw her twist her veil about the fork of the stick
+he extended to her, and both of them went to slapping wildly at the air
+and the ground. Presently they both came waddling back, she with a
+butterfly and he with a bug which he was craning at with a lens he had
+fished from his sleeve somewhere. He was trying to do this and at the
+same time hold together a great armful of gaudy weeds he had gathered.
+
+Billings got in and then I helped her. "Awfully jolly good of you to
+humor his crazy whims," I whispered gratefully.
+
+"Crazy!" she ejaculated, one foot on the running-board. "Why, he's just
+getting sane! He's been a born fool all his life! And now, Jacky, as you
+were saying of the _antennae_--" And she flopped eagerly by him and
+together they bent over the glass.
+
+It was rum, but I was getting along so swimmingly with Frances that I
+didn't much care what they did. Seemed to be only about a minute more
+and we were clipping through the curves of the Wolhurst park--Frances
+pointed the way--and had slowed down under the _porte-cochere_.
+
+The frump whispered to the man who opened the door.
+
+"As quietly as possible, Wilkes," she said, "and without his father
+seeing him."
+
+"The judge is away, miss," said the man. "He drove down to the village
+with Senator Soakem, who had to catch a train back to Albany; but I'm
+looking for him every--"
+
+"Be quick, then," jerked the frump. "You know what to do."
+
+"I guess I do, miss," answered the butler gloomily. "I've _had_ to do it
+often enough--Perkins and me. A good cold souse--that's the thing--and
+then bed. _I_ know!"
+
+Billings waved his hand to the frump as he mounted the stairway inside.
+And then, dash it, he kissed his fingers.
+
+"_Vale!_" he chirped, leaning over the marble balustrade. "_Vale, sed
+spero non semper!_ I will resume the discussion _in propria persona_."
+
+And, by Jove, if she didn't come back at him quick as lightning, and
+with his own gibberish, too:
+
+"_Confido et conquiesco!_" she cooed, waving her handkerchief.
+
+Oh, it was tragical, dash it--that was the word, tragical! And yet the
+frump looked almost happy. And as for Frances, except for being amused,
+her brother's condition didn't seem to trouble her spirit at all. But
+then, dash it, I remembered she was used to him this way. She did not
+even wait, but with a bright smile and a murmured word to me, left her
+friend and myself to await Wilkes' report.
+
+The frump kind of glared down the deserted vista of the fine old hall
+and shrugged her shoulders.
+
+"Everybody loafing, as usual," she muttered sourly, and she hurled her
+coat at the carven back of a great cathedral chair--and missed it.
+
+It was clear that her type scorned conventionalities and knew how to
+make themselves thoroughly at home.
+
+"I hope you'll be made comfortable here, Mr. Lightnut," she said,
+peeling a glove with a jerk, "but I have my doubts."
+
+And she gave a kind of hollow laugh.
+
+I shifted distressfully. "Oh, really now," I began protestingly, but she
+marched right over me:
+
+"I can assure you that a guest _here_ earns a martyr's crown," she said,
+lifting her eyebrows. Then she shook her head, her lips compressed.
+
+I coughed. _Couldn't_ say the thing I _wanted_ to say, you know--seemed
+too devilish rude. Just have to stand it when they talk that way.
+Pugsley says best thing to do is to purse up your lips and bob your
+head--you don't have to mean it.
+
+So I just went through all this and threw in a shrug, too. Thought no
+use having her mad and working against me with Frances. Catch the idea?
+Simple thing, you know, just to play her with my _finesse_.
+
+"Awfully tiresome, these country places," I said sympathetically. I
+screwed my glass at a couple of footmen who came into view at the far
+end of the hall, and who were whispering and chuckling about something.
+"Things seem to be run a bit loose, don't you know--that's a fact. Don't
+mind for myself, but fancy a girl might find it rather trying visiting
+here."
+
+By Jove, how she opened her eyes at me--surprised, I knew, at finding me
+such a devilish keen observer. My sympathy touched her, too, for her
+eyeballs shone moist of a sudden and I saw her lip tremble as she
+stared. Then she swallowed hard and slapped her gloves sharply across
+her palm.
+
+"It's Francis that's to blame for that sort of thing," she rasped,
+nodding down the hall.
+
+"Frances?" I ejaculated in protest. "Oh, here, I _say_, now--"
+
+"You don't _know_ Francis, Mr. Lightnut!" Her jaw grounded with a snap,
+and what a look she gave me! "Wait till you do--you just wait!" And eyes
+and hands lifted to the ceiling.
+
+I coughed again.
+
+The cat! And _this_ was my darling's friend!
+
+But her claws raked on: "I tell you you just can't be familiar with
+grooms and hail-fellow-well-met with footmen without demoralizing
+them--and that's what Francis does." She jerked this out viciously, and
+while I gasped, went on: "_You_ know very well, Mr. Lightnut, if you
+play cards and drink and carouse with your men-servants until two or
+three o'clock in the morning, you can't reasonably look for respect from
+them." She breathed heavily. "The trouble is, Francis has no
+self-respect--no _pride_!"
+
+Her uplifted hands fumbled and jerked the hat from her tossing head.
+"Sometimes," she breathed through her teeth, "when I think of Francis, I
+feel like I'd like to--" The words died behind her teeth as she ground
+them--yes, _ground_ them. She jabbed the pins into the hat savagely and
+at random and tossed it after the coat. And this time she put the
+ball--in a big Benares jar that stood against the wall.
+
+But I was counting forty-four!
+
+Ever try that when you were angry and wanted to insult somebody?
+Preacher told us about it once at the old Harvard Union, and _I_ thought
+it a devilish good idea. Gives you time, you know, to think up the
+things to say that otherwise you would be turning over in your mind
+afterward as the scathing, clever things you _might_ have said.
+
+So, by the twenty-eighth count, I had her; and jamming my hands almost
+through my pockets, I faced her with a withering frown.
+
+"By Jove, if I were you, Miss--er--" Dash me if I hadn't forgotten her
+name! "If you feel that way, _I_ don't see why the de--H'm! I mean why
+do you stay on here and--er--_sacrifice_ yourself?" I drawled this in
+the most devilish sarcastic way! "I'd pack my jolly trunk and get as far
+away as I could."
+
+I added earnestly--coaxingly: "And _stay_ away, you know!"
+
+And I took a deep breath, for I expected to see her wilt or go straight
+up in the air. I knew it was a toss-up for either.
+
+Not she! She just twisted a sour smile at me.
+
+"Ummh!" she grunted. "Perhaps you don't know that Francis has suggested
+that to me several times--frankly and rudely--when I have complained.
+That may surprise you."
+
+It did not surprise me--not at all, by Jove! What _did_ surprise me was
+that my Frances had ever allowed this jolly female barnacle to fasten on
+her in this way. Remembered a remark of Jack Ellsworth's about some
+bounder visiting at his house that he said "the old man couldn't pry
+loose with a crowbar." Devilish coarse way to express it, I had thought;
+but now I understood.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+The frump was _this_ sort! Poor Frances! Poor Frances!
+
+I was just considering the advisability of tactfully trying to shame
+this girl into taking the next train, or whatever it is, back to China,
+when suddenly my devilish active mind hit right on the explanation of
+her conduct! Bores me, you know, the way things come to me at times when
+I am not looking for them at all. Still, this time, I was rather glad.
+Might confound her and put her on the run if she knew that a shrewd,
+eagle-eyed man of the world had penetrated her mask.
+
+So I coughed significantly in lieu of using her dashed name, and lifted
+my monocle so I could bore her sidewise through narrowed eyes.
+
+"Dare say you've put up with Frances though for _Jack's_ sake!" I let
+her have it coldly, deliberately. "Brother Jack has been a sort of
+compensation--_that's_ it, eh?"
+
+And I shot her a foxy wink!
+
+
+That is, I _almost_ did--pulled up, though, just on the brink. By Jove,
+gave me cold marrows for an instant, thinking how I might have
+compromised myself, you know. Besides, I could spare her _that_--had
+rubbed it in so devilish raw, anyhow. That is, you would have thought
+so; for that sort of thing said to a normal Yankee girl would have
+stirred her pride or unchained the jolly lightnings from her eyes--_you_
+know!
+
+But dashed if this imported freak didn't suddenly nod with a sort of
+chokey snuffle and reach out her hand for mine.
+
+"How you _do_ understand!" she crooned unblushingly, and she leaked a
+big cold tear down upon my hand and let another splash my cuff--and
+Jenkins hadn't come with my things yet, dash it! "I _do_ try to be
+patient about Francis for Jacky's sake--he asked me to: and I do try not
+to mind the way things are run, but oh, Mr. Lightnut, what this place
+needs is a _head_!" She almost squeezed my hand, and blinked damply at
+me out of her pasty face. "And then," she snuffled, "I do so want to
+make a home for my father and my brothers. They have _never_ known what
+it was to have a _home_--think of it!"
+
+I didn't want to think of it--besides, I didn't believe it. I knew
+people _have_ to have homes, dash it--it's the law. If they go in for
+that sort of thing--not having homes, you know--they're arrested. Still,
+in a rum country like China, it might be different, of course. However,
+I didn't take time to give this much thought, for I was so devilish
+floored--irritated, you know--at the girl's cold-blooded, brazen
+effrontery.
+
+By Jove, I wondered if I _could_ pink her!
+
+I wasn't sure. I had gone at her in a cunning, subtle way: the hand of
+steel in the glove of what's-its-name, you know; the curving, velvet
+thrust of the needle rapier--all that sort of rot--and she had merely
+given me back a Roland for my what's-its-name. I felt a bit dashed, you
+know.
+
+Idea seized me that perhaps, though, something more brutally direct
+would--
+
+"See here," I said, fixing my monocle sternly and folding my arms--for I
+had got back my hand under pretense of fixing my part. "You don't mean
+to say that Jack would ever ask _you_ to take charge here!"
+
+Rather plain and direct, that, don't you think? Sort of heavy broadsword
+stroke, you know. But she took it full and clean--never winced or turned
+a hair. Just looked thoughtful.
+
+"Yes," she said slowly. "Jacky says it'll have to come to that some
+day--_some_ arrangement. Neither of us ever want to marry."
+
+"Oh!"
+
+And my monocle dropped!
+
+Couldn't chirp another word, you know! Just stood there, round-mouthed
+and staring blankly--kind of fascinated, too, dash it--and wondering
+what particular freak cult _hers_ was. And I felt myself getting redder
+and redder every second! Then the awful thought came to me that this
+advanced and emancipated dowd had been the friend and companion of my
+darling--that her poisonous influence had been felt for months; was
+being exerted still. I wondered how she could look me in the face, but
+she _wasn't_. No, she had switched her head around and was glaring at
+the servants down the hall. So I just swayed there, trying to think, and
+boring at the back of her head, till it came to me dully that her hair
+didn't match her what-you-call-'ems, and my dashed brain just seized on
+and clung to this like a drowning man does to a what-you-may-call-it.
+
+"_Thom_-as!" the frump exploded.
+
+One of the footmen who was doubled over, red-faced and writhing, in the
+exercise of some pleasantry with his companion, straightened with an
+aggrieved air. He ambled toward us.
+
+"Some specimens that Mr. Billings gathered--plants and foliage; he left
+them in the car," jerked the frump. "See they are cared for."
+
+The man nodded indifferently and slouched away.
+
+Her frown gloomed after him and her voice snapped at his laggard heels:
+
+"And Flora--send Flora to me. Is she asleep somewhere?"
+
+She faced me with an acid grimace and shrug.
+
+"You see how it is here, Mr. Lightnut," she grumbled querulously; "but
+_you_ understand!"
+
+Understand! By Jove, yes--I thought I _did_! I could see that the fellow
+was just sullen under the too free and easy assumptions of a guest from
+whom little had been experienced in the way of an occasional douceur.
+And dashed if I blamed him!
+
+But I murmured some jolly rubbish, hoping every instant that Wilkes
+would come and lead me away.
+
+"That's the way with them all here, from the housekeeper down," she went
+on gloomily. "They take advantage of the fact that the mistress of the
+house is abroad and the master absorbed and busy." Her voice quickened
+sharply: "Then do you think they care two pins about the authority of a
+silly girl who has been allowed to grow up untrained and ignorant of the
+first a b c of anything practical?"
+
+I felt my face tingling.
+
+"See here--Oh, dash it all!" I protested. "That's not _fair_, you know!"
+
+"Fair?" She bit the word out of the air and just glared at me. "Why,
+they know she's a _fool_!"
+
+I opened my mouth two or three times; then swallowed helplessly and grew
+red. Somehow, it came back to me--a time when I was a little boy and my
+nurse had been so shocked when I said "shucks!" I remembered how that
+night she read to me a tract about swear words and told me how when I
+grew up to be a big man, I would have to choose whether I was ever going
+to learn to swear or not. She said that if I didn't choose right, a day
+would come when I would be--oh, _so_ sorry!
+
+And now, dash it, the day had come and I knew that she was right! For I
+_was_ sorry, by Jove!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIII
+
+A MESSAGE AND A WARNING
+
+
+"It's all right, miss," Wilkes reported; "at least, I hope so. Perkins
+is with him--we've been trying to persuade him to have a bath and lie
+down. But I don't know--"
+
+He shook his head gloomily, then turned to me.
+
+"If you will come with me, sir--" Then he added, and it seemed a
+question: "You must have made a quick run, sir. Seems like only a few
+minutes since we got Mr. Jack's 'phone message." His voice dropped:
+"From the station house, you know."
+
+"Eh--what's that?" I paused with my foot on the first tread of the
+stairway. "Jack's 'phone message--from the station house?" I repeated
+blankly. "What are you talking about?"
+
+Wilkes coughed reproachfully. "Why, you know, sir, he told about being
+arrested in front of the Kahoka Apartments. He mentioned that it was
+about--h'm!" He stole a furtive backward glance at the frump, but she
+was enjoying herself berating a fat girl she addressed as "Flora." He
+looked at me eloquently and whispered: "About his--h'm--stealing some
+black silk pajamas."
+
+My monocle dropped, and I almost did myself.
+
+"By Jove!" I gasped feebly.
+
+"Yes, sir." Wilkes looked up at the paneled ceiling and stroked his
+chin. "He mentioned that they found them--or _thought_ they found them
+in the bag he had with him."
+
+"But he's got them _on_, and they are his own," I managed to get out.
+
+Wilkes' face lightened understandingly. "Oh-h, I _see_, sir," he said,
+nodding with his jolly chin hanging; "so _that's_ how you got him
+off--I was a-wondering!" He looked at me, his fishy old eyes twinkling
+admiration. "Very neat, if I may say, sir--making, as it were, a sort of
+alibi--_very_ neat, indeed! Of course, when they puts 'em on him, they
+see for themselves they are his'n, and not any lady's what had been
+stolen--Oh, _I_ see!"
+
+Dash me, if _I_ did! The only thing I saw was that it must have been
+Jenkins that had telephoned and the message had been twisted. What he
+_had said_, of course, was that Billings had _almost_ been arrested. But
+the police finding the pajamas in his bag--I did not like that. Could it
+be that, after all, Billings _had_ found his sister's pajamas in the
+guest-room and had quietly confiscated them? It looked devilishly,
+ominously like it! Or perhaps he, himself, had recovered them from Foxy
+Grandpa, and with more delicacy than I thought him capable of, had kept
+the whole matter to himself. One thing only was certain: the sleuth
+hounds of the law, stimulated by the extravagant reward I had offered
+over the telephone, _had_ run down and recovered _her pajamas_. It was a
+relief that they were out of his hands, anyhow--_I_ could get them
+again, but _he_ couldn't. By Jove!
+
+Alone in my room, I stood before the mirror, hands in pockets and
+rocking on my toes--kind of smiling, you know--and thinking what a
+daredevil, reckless thing it had been--clever, too, dash it--in getting
+them away from old Jack, and right under his nose. By Jove, I felt a bit
+proud about it--sort of exultation, don't you know--and I had just got
+off a wink at myself, when Wilkes appeared again.
+
+"Pardon, sir, for disturbing you, but Mr. Billings is acting so queer,
+we are afraid to cross him; and he just insisted I take his message to
+you at once."
+
+"Message?" I repeated, sobering.
+
+"Yes, sir--something about some pajamas--"
+
+"Pajamas?" I faltered, and I dropped into a chair. "Oh!"
+
+Wilkes looked grave. "Pajamas seem to be the thing with him this time,
+sir--it's the queerest go! That's a _new_ one, _that_ is!" He shifted
+contemplatively. "The last time it was lizards and the time before blue
+dachshunds, but his main stand-by, so to speak, is piebald
+rattlesnakes--them we're _used_ to; but this new turn, pajamas, gets
+me!" He shook his head dubiously. "And he won't take his off--you can't
+get him to; he just gets kinder peevish and goes off on the queerest
+streak of freak talk you ever heard. Perkins tried to coax him to take
+a bath, but he said he never had taken a bath in his life--and he
+called Perkins something awful--some name about a yard long. It
+squelched Perkins so that he--"
+
+"But the _message_?" I suggested nervously.
+
+"I was just a-coming to that, sir. He asks me if I knew whether you were
+still on the place; and when I said you were, he says to me kinder
+excited and impressive like: 'Well, you go to him at once--_at
+once_--and tell him I'm on the trail of the mystery of those pajamas,
+and I'll soon know as much about 'em as _he_ does. Just tell him
+that--_he'll_ know what I mean.'"
+
+"Oh!" I gasped shortly.
+
+"Yes, sir," Wilkes nodded, "but that ain't quite all. He says: 'Tell Mr.
+Lightnut that when I first saw those pajamas in his rooms--'" Wilkes
+paused inquiringly. "Did you say something, sir?"
+
+I had not--I had only groaned!
+
+He went on, repeating as by rote: "'When I found and took them away, I
+was curious and amused, but skeptical--firmly skeptical--of there being
+any dark mystery about them. But now I know I let myself be deceived and
+I mean to get at the bottom of the whole thing.'"
+
+Wilkes seemed to kind of waver and fade before me, and then go out like
+a candle. Then he came back into view and I heard his voice again:
+
+"'And what's more, you tell him I say--'"
+
+The butler hesitated and seemed embarrassed--his heavy jowls reddened a
+little. He looked beyond me and coughed.
+
+"Of course _you_ know, sir," he said, shifting uneasily, "Mr. Billings
+ain't exactly himself, so to speak, so you mustn't mind. Fact is--if I
+_may_ say so--he's got the most considerable case of jimmies I ever see
+him with, so--"
+
+"Oh, _go_ on!" I breathed miserably.
+
+"Yes, sir--h'm!" Wilkes heaved distressfully, then drove doggedly ahead:
+"Oh, well, sir, what he _says_ was that it was his duty, he thought, to
+tell the family the truth about those pajamas, so that they would know
+that the man they were harboring under their roof wasn't what he seemed
+to be." His gaze bored higher over my head, his voice tapering off so
+faintly I could hardly hear.
+
+But I heard all right! Oh, yes, I got the full devilish force of it; but
+I couldn't speak. My dry lips touched wordlessly and I hunched deep into
+the hollow of the big leather rocker. I would have liked to get even
+deeper, and I studied wistfully a tiny floor-crack under the radiator. I
+thought I could make it if I were alone!
+
+Wilkes coughed again. I winced--there was evidently more!
+
+"Yes, sir," he murmured, as I cut a quick glance upward. "He _did_ say
+further that if you weren't satisfied, though, and would prefer another
+trial--"
+
+"Eh?" I bounded out of the chair. "What's that? Oh, dash it, _yes_--I
+would, by Jove!"
+
+"Very good, sir." Wilkes looked relieved, himself. "In that
+case, he said he was willing to experiment again--that was his
+word--_experiment_. He said he wouldn't detain you here on _his_
+account, but he would _have_ to ask you to stay another day or two while
+he made his observations."
+
+It was a devilish cold shoulder, but I had no choice. Fact was, by Jove,
+I was so jolly glad for _that_ chance, and for being trusted again by
+Billings, even in this half-hearted way, that I just ground my pride
+under my heel--why, dash it, I would have ground anything under my heel
+for _her_! I was as happy as a bird, and life was again one grand, sweet
+what's-its-name.
+
+"Tell him certainly, Wilkes, and thank him--don't forget to thank him."
+And I believe I wrung his hand. "And--er--wait, Wilkes--couldn't you use
+a tenner?" I checked him on the threshold. "Let's see--no, that's a
+twenty--say, take _that_; take them both--_thank_ you, Wilkes!--and
+there's a five, too. Oh, yes, you _must_ take it all--I have no use for
+it, you know--never _would_ use those particular ones!"
+
+And, by Jove, he took it--just made him, you know. These butlers are not
+half bad fellows if you go at them right--I can _always_ manage them. He
+sympathized with me--you could see that--dashed if the fellow wasn't
+almost weeping as he closed the door.
+
+And then I just flopped down upon a divan and lay there panting like a
+what's-its-name--reaction, you know. So he _had_ known! He had known
+when he let me come to Wolhurst, and had waited for the moment when he
+would have me under his roof and be able utterly to confound me. This,
+then, explained his mental condition, his relapse to drink again--his
+madness on the subject of pajamas. It was _awful_! By Jove, as I lay
+there thinking of his suspicions and diseased imaginings induced by his
+monstrous folly of drink--the awful curse of drink--and of what it had
+almost brought upon two innocent lives, I felt indignant--almost sick.
+Lay there helpless, wishing Jenkins would come, and wondering if I
+wasn't getting a bit feverish--mouth dry and craving moisture, you know.
+But not a thing could I find in the room except a glass--and empty.
+Carafe beside it, but nothing in it but water, you know, and a large,
+round ball of ice. So just had to fall back on the couch and try not to
+think of my throbbing, swollen tongue.
+
+Mind got to wandering then, I think. Thought of Frances and how much I
+loved her, and of cooling streams--fizzy and gurgling--and of amber
+fountains, crested with sparkling, pearly sunbursts--_you_ know! I even
+got to wondering if she really loved me--fact! And then came the
+disquieting thought of how devilish disappointing and awful it _would_
+be if Jenkins should forget a stock of my Egyptian Koroskos. What _was_
+it she had told me that night about being engaged to another and wanting
+to be free, now that she had met me--the darling! Then, dash me if I
+could remember to save me whether Jenkins had or had not said something
+to me that morning about packing my ashes-of-roses socks and ties--or
+was it about my lilac silk underwear with the mauve fleur-de-lis?
+Devilish annoying I couldn't remember. Of course it was this that was
+making her so reticent and offish about any reference to the other
+night--I mean it was this thing of being entangled with this other chap.
+So jolly sensitive and high-minded, don't you know, she didn't want to
+talk about _our_ future until she had dumped the other fellow in the
+road--that was it.
+
+Struck me suddenly that there was some jolly proverb thing about it:
+something about the old love and the new--some dashed wise, old, musty
+rot about _that_. What the deuce was it?
+
+And luckily, just then Jenkins came!
+
+And when he had laid out my things, and I found I was to wear a scarf of
+Harvard crimson--the color _she_ admired--I was so devilish pleased and
+grateful to Jenkins for the decision that I thought that now I would let
+him have a try at the proverb.
+
+"I say, Jenkins," I began carelessly, "there's some jolly saying or
+proverb--eh, _you_ know?"
+
+"Certainly, sir," responded Jenkins absently, for he was intensely
+concentrated on the selection of a scarf-pin.
+
+I went on: "It's about--oh, don't you know--about when you've tried
+being engaged to one person and you don't like it, and you are thinking
+of being engaged to another--something of that sort, dash it--oh, _you_
+know!" And I wondered if it would be the sardonyx or the ruby, and hoped
+it would be the ruby.
+
+"Mm-m-m," murmured Jenkins, blinking thoughtfully. "Let's see, sir--it
+ain't that one about the hair of the dog, is it?"
+
+"Hair of the--Certainly _not_!" I exclaimed with indignation. "No, it's
+some jolly saw about being off with the old and on with--" I stalled.
+
+"Off and on," came quickly from Jenkins; then he went back to his jolly
+pins.
+
+"Maybe," I said, trying to think, "but there's something else about
+being on with the new--or being on to the new--Oh, yes, the devilish
+thing starts off: ''Tis well to be off'--um, off--Dash it, off _what_?
+You catch the idea, don't you?"
+
+"Certainly, sir." He tried the ruby and sardonyx in turn against the
+silk and rejected both--_he_ took a garnet. It wouldn't have been _my_
+taste, but then it wasn't my business, you know! His jolly old lips
+moved as he repeated something to himself; he rolled his eyes to the
+ceiling and cleared his throat--and _then_ I knew he had it!
+
+"I don't seem to remember it, sir--not _precisely_--h'm--but could it be
+this: ''Tis well to be off--'" He paused with finger on chin, rolling
+his eyes upward.
+
+"Oh, dash it, yes!" I said disgustedly. "Why, _I_ told you--"
+
+He lifted his hand. "'Tis well to be off and on--'" And he stuck again,
+dash it! Then his lips worked some more and his face cleared. "Oh,
+_here_ it is, sir--_I've_ got it now! See if this ain't it:"
+
+And he laid it off with his fingers the way a woman counts the words in
+a telegram to keep from going over ten:
+
+"'Tis-well-to-be-off-and-on-with-the-old-love,
+but-don't-let-on-to-the-new'--_there you are, sir_!"
+
+"By Jove!" I exclaimed, batting at him; and the brushes in my hands
+paused and pulled hard on each side of my part. "Oh, I say!" And I had
+him repeat it again.
+
+The thing troubled me! Odd I had not more carefully noticed before the
+wording of the jolly thing! But then of course my interest in it had not
+been so dashed personal as now. Kept running in my head now and
+disturbing me all the while Jenkins was busying himself about me. And
+_then_, as if I didn't have quite enough already to try me, Jenkins at
+the last moment chucked the crimson scarf altogether, and slipped
+through my collar a Persian bat! By Jove, I was so dashed annoyed, I
+took it from him to tie myself.
+
+"Off and on with the old love!" It kept whispering itself in my ear till
+I hardly knew what I was doing. _Could_ it be that she would--but, oh,
+dash it, _no_! I knew she wouldn't! And yet another chap might come
+along and she might find she would rather be engaged to _him_! Oh, but I
+was sure _she_ was not so variable as that. Still a vague fear kept
+recurring; a miserable, tiny, pricking doubt--the crumpled
+what's-its-name in the bed of down, you know--that sort of thing!
+
+What the deuce was the best thing to do?
+
+"Pardon, sir," came in Jenkins' voice, and in the glass I saw his head
+piking anxiously over my shoulder; "but _I_ think with them changeable
+kind, the best thing to try for is a sudden, firm knot!"
+
+"Eh?" I said, staring. And then I whirled upon him, seizing both his
+hands.
+
+"By Jove, Jenkins!" I exclaimed admiringly. "What a perfectly
+out-and-out corking idea--a regular ripper, you know! How devilish
+clever of you, dash it!"
+
+"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins batted a little--always does when I notice
+these little things--so modest, don't you know.
+
+But I had the idea now, and I gripped it tight along with my monocle,
+as, ten minutes later, I sauntered down the stairs.
+
+I would speak to her father at once!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIV
+
+I SPEAK TO HER FATHER
+
+
+"So glad to see you here, my boy," the judge was saying. And his little
+round face beamed at me across the library table. I had encountered him
+in the hall just as I had descended to rejoin the girls in the
+living-room. Forthwith, he elbowed me into the library.
+
+"Know from Jack how glad you always are to escape girls," he remarked
+cheerily as he produced cigars. "Don't blame you at all--in fact, do you
+know it refreshes me to find--"
+
+Don't know what dashed thing it refreshed him to find, for I never
+caught it. For just then through the doorway there floated, from across
+the hall, a bar of music--the laugh of the dearest girl in the world!
+
+I strained for another bar.
+
+"Hah!" ejaculated the judge, pausing with questioning uplift of cigar.
+"The silly cackle of those girls--it disturbs you. Yes, it does--I can
+see it--you _look_ disturbed." And, dash it, he insisted upon closing
+the door. "You mustn't let _them_ bother you while you are here," he
+urged pleasantly; "you must just go ahead and do the thing you _want_ to
+do."
+
+By Jove, there seemed little opportunity for it!
+
+"Thanks awfully," I murmured feebly.
+
+The judge proceeded genially: "Of course we all understand that you just
+came up to Wolhurst to please Jack." Then his face clouded. "H'm! Sorry
+to learn that he came home with another--" his eyes rolled through a
+circle--"er--is not feeling just fit. It's too bad, for I wanted some
+one to take you over the neighborhood--interesting landmarks, you know,
+reminiscent of Major Andre and Washington Irving."
+
+"Charmed, I'm sure," I chirped up. Jolly lie, though, for I wasn't
+impressed; didn't know _who_ the other fellow was, but I had _seen_
+Irving in London--scores of times. Not a patch on John Drew to _my_
+thinking!
+
+The judge was murmuring something apologetic:
+
+"So I can't go with you, myself, you see--but I know you will
+understand. Just so infernally tied up with preparation of rebuttal in
+suit the attorney-general is bringing against one of my
+corporations--most unreasonable thing you ever heard of!" The judge
+crossed his legs with a fling of impatience and pulled savagely at his
+cigar. "By George, Lightnut, we are getting to a pass with politics
+where party organization is going to the dogs--don't you think so, eh?"
+
+"Oh, dash it, yes--rotten, you know!" I worked off indignantly--her
+father, don't you see! Sat wondering when I would get to see her--by
+Jove, they would _have_ to let me see her at luncheon! I just caught
+back in time to get the end of a sentence:
+
+"Utter defiance of personal obligations!" His hands spread eloquently.
+"Tell me what is the use of electing men to office, when they
+time-servingly yield before the clamor of the cursed populistic and
+revolutionary spirit of the times?" He was leaning toward me now, his
+jolly face swelling with indignation, his fist beating upon his knee.
+"What has become, Mr. Lightnut," he pounded, "of the time-honored
+sanctity of the 'gentleman's agreement'--eh? Where now the _pact
+conventa_?"
+
+"Where?" I shrugged, and I let it go at that, pretending to be busied
+with a match; for dash me if _I_ knew! Never had seen it even--in fact,
+didn't care a jolly hang if I never did, don't you know.
+
+He went on hammering: "Here I've got to go and stultify myself, arguing
+against my own decision when I was on the bench!" He snorted. "It's
+perfectly abominable, sir--outrageous!"
+
+And the judge hurled his little body back into the chair and furiously
+pumped himself into a cloud of smoke. He glared at me expectantly, and I
+knew I had to come up.
+
+"Beastly bad form, you know!" I tried, sending a great funnel upward and
+frowning after it. Fact was, I never took any interest in political
+questions--dashed bore, you know. Wondered if he would spring them much
+when Frances and I were--
+
+"Um--well, I should say so!" he grunted; and my jerk sent ashes all
+over me. But I saw that he was just mollified because I agreed with him.
+Best system, Pugsley says, is always to agree with _everybody_ in
+politics--"humor 'em gently, just like children," were his exact words;
+"you know it really _don't_ matter!"
+
+"And now, let's see," resumed the judge, brightening. "I wonder who we
+_can_ get to take you!" His fingers drummed together thoughtfully. "Um,
+of course, there is Francis--" my heart took a jolly leap--"but Francis
+is impossible--_quite_ impossible!"
+
+"By Jove, no!" I ejaculated eagerly, and I came up in my chair like a
+galvanized what's-its-name. "Just the thing--be delighted, you know."
+
+He smiled grimly. "Natural _you_ should say that, but--" He expectorated
+with deliberation, glowering at me as he did it. "_No_, sir!" His head
+shook with decision. "Wouldn't do--I wouldn't think of trusting you with
+Francis," he finished shortly.
+
+"O!" Just a gasp, you know; and my jolly cheeks stung as from a dash of
+fiery what's-its-name sauce. So _he_ knew about the pajamas, too!
+
+I half rose from my chair.
+
+"I--I assure you, sir--" I began stiffly.
+
+His fussy shrug checked me. "No, no, we'll just have to wait till Jack
+gets up. The only thing _I'm_ anxious about is the scenery and the view
+points; and I just know if Francis went with you, you would never see
+any of it."
+
+By Jove, I thought that quite likely enough, but of course it was
+devilish personal of him to say so. And dash seeing the scenery and view
+points, anyway--who wanted to see _them_, if they could see _her_? I was
+just going to suggest this, when he went on:
+
+"The fact is--" He hesitated, then flicked his ashes with a sigh. "Oh,
+well, since I've said as much as I have, I should go further, I suppose.
+It's only fair not to leave you in the dark, especially as my daughter
+was enthusiastically telling me just now"--puff--"that she already looks
+on you as one of the family."
+
+"By Jove, did she though?" I hitched to the front of the chair. "How
+dev--I mean how--"
+
+He nodded. "And so I feel justified in talking to you frankly--not that
+I want to prejudice you against Francis, you understand, but just
+because"--his head wagged soberly--"_Francis won't do!_" And he looked
+at me steadily.
+
+Something like a sharp pain struck through me. Again--and this time from
+her own father! I just sat there kind of frozen, you know, except that I
+could feel the smile slowly loosening in my face. He moved to a seat
+nearer.
+
+"I don't like to seem to be disparaging my own flesh and blood, Mr.
+Lightnut," he proceeded gravely, "but the truth is Francis is the only
+one of my children that gives me any anxiety."
+
+"Oh!" I felt myself shrink together, my knees slanting away from him.
+My dashed monocle hung limp.
+
+He angled closer. "Jack's drinking is bad--that I admit, but
+perhaps--h'm--he comes by it naturally; still Jack has never forgotten
+that he is a gentleman--the son of a gentleman--and has never been what
+you would call fast, but--" His chest lifted under a deep breath--"but
+Francis--_whew_!"
+
+"Fast--Frances?" It faltered tremulously from my lips; my cigar dropped
+with a soft thud.
+
+His eyes widened. "_Oh_, yes--frightfully!" And he tendered me another
+cigar, and I had to light it--he made me! "Of course, the mistake was in
+ever sending Francis away to school--not always a wise thing, Mr.
+Lightnut, especially when the home life has been too cloistered. I think
+the reaction was too much for one so green and inexperienced as Francis.
+And extravagance--my!" He lifted his hands. "I thought Jack was bad
+enough at Cambridge with a thousand-dollar apartment on the 'Gold
+Coast,' as you call it--and, by George, you Harvard men have got the
+right name for it!--but Francis beat that in one term's drain on me for
+poker losses and--"
+
+"Poker?" I moistened my lips. Then I brightened, for perhaps he meant
+bridge--and _that_ was good form, for there was my Aunt Julia, who lived
+by it--fact! But his head shook impatiently when I suggested that he
+meant this.
+
+"Bridge!" he exploded. "Why, Francis doesn't know bridge from casino!
+_Poker_, I tell you, and faro--and all the rest. The plucking was done
+nightly at a certain--er--club, the establishment of a gentleman by the
+name of McGinty--'Spot' McGinty--oh, you _know_ the place, then?"
+
+For I had gasped audibly. "Only--only by reputation," I responded
+hastily.
+
+"Um, dare say it has got 'reputation,' all right. I guess, too, there
+are more crooked things than streets within a couple of miles of Harvard
+Square, eh? Why, do you know, Francis and a couple of classmates were
+caught in a raid there one night and lugged off to the station in a
+patrol--I had to bail 'em out by wire. That's how _I_ know about the
+place." And, discriminatingly, he selected a fresh cigar and lighted it.
+
+"You--you don't mean they were really arrested?" I faltered.
+
+He nodded grimly through a funnel of smoke. "How could they help being?
+Why, dammit, they were too drunk to get away!" He settled in his seat
+with a scowl. "I can tell you it was all I could do to stave off
+expulsion!"
+
+My jolly head spun. By Jove, Radcliffe girls must have moved on some
+since my day! Then they were coldly intellectual--went in strong for the
+earnest life, you know--the serious purpose existence--all that sort of
+thing. All of us looked on them with more or less awe--that is, except
+Smithers; he tried some intimate flirtations, one morning with a bunch
+in the Botanic Gardens and got stung. _He_ said they were "prunes."
+
+But _Frances_--and "Spot" McGinty's! Surely I had not heard aright.
+
+I faced him earnestly. "I--er--Judge Billings, do I understand you--that
+is, it can't be that you are speaking of--er--Frances?" I stammered
+incredulously. "I mean _your_ Frances--surely you are not!"
+
+"I just am!" His jaw set with a snap. "Just who I'm talking about and
+nobody else, young man! I mean, _my_ Francis--Francis Leslie
+Billings--who else could I mean?" He almost groaned. "Oh, you don't
+_know_ Francis!"
+
+Dash it, what they all chorused at me! They seemed pretty positive about
+it, too, and I was jolly miserable; but looking back now, I somehow
+think of that moment as being the point where I reached the parting of
+the what-you-call-'ems. Didn't know what to think, but knew I had to
+make up my mind right then and there--and for _always_, don't you know.
+Knew, of course, that it was just pure _luck_ that Frances cared for
+me--realized jolly well I wasn't particularly clever and all that, you
+know; but _she_ didn't seem to mind. It was then that it came to me all
+of a sudden that the only dashed thing in all the world that I could
+give _her_, that she didn't seem to have already from somebody,
+was--well just _trust_.
+
+And, by Jove, as soon as I got hold of this perfectly corking idea, I
+knew I had it for life, and--well, nothing else mattered in all the
+world, you know!
+
+Meantime, her father was studying me a little oddly and smiling.
+
+"I see you don't quite like what I say about Francis," he remarked,
+puffing complacently.
+
+I looked him straight in the eye. "Frankly, I don't, if you must know,"
+I blurted. Then I screwed my monocle tight and straightened forward. "By
+Jove, I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself, you know!"
+
+"Wh--what's that?--_Lightnut!_" He turned a beet color and grasped the
+arms of his chair.
+
+"Oh, I do." I stood up and he followed. "I think if that poor child had
+had a little--er--forbearance and kindness--that sort of thing--oh, dash
+it, I just think you've been infernally harsh always--yes, I do!"
+
+"Well, I'll be--" He swallowed it, neck forward, and stood panting a
+bit. "_Harsh_, eh?" he jerked at me. "Um!" He stood there, his feet
+braced apart, his white brows beetling at the floor. "Harsh!" He cocked
+his head on one side, thrusting out his heavy under-lip. Then came a
+sniff and a grunt, and oh, he looked black!
+
+I was feeling devilish pale--you can, you know--and a little trembly
+from excitement. Wasn't quite sure what I had said, but knew jolly well
+I must have meant it, whatever it was. Knew, of course, that in another
+minute it would be his come-back and he would simply slay me. He would
+look at me coldly through his glasses, bow with dignity, and leave the
+room.
+
+And then--
+
+I wondered if Jenkins had a time-table!
+
+And just then came a quick breath, and I caught a murmur: "I wonder now
+if, after all, that is true! By George, they say children and--" The
+mutter trailed off. "Here, here, my boy--sit down," he exclaimed
+suddenly; and he made me.
+
+"I want to thank you, Lightnut," he said impressively. "It may be that
+you are right. Perhaps the better course would be gently to reason with
+Francis."
+
+"Oh, Judge, I am sure of it," I urged feelingly.
+
+"Well, well, my boy--we'll see." He patted me on the knee. "I'm going to
+try your way--by George, I'll do it to-night!" His eyes seemed to hold
+me with a more kindly and personal interest. "Do you know I can't tell
+you how glad I am that you find so much in Francis to like; indeed, I am
+_delighted_." Still studying me attentively, he musingly reached for a
+fresh light. "In point of fact, Lightnut, I am free to say I hope the
+intimacy begun between you two will grow closer. It would be a
+thundering good thing for Francis and a great comfort to me."
+
+And, by Jove, he smiled at me--a devilish pleasant smile!
+
+I sat up straight, uncrossed my legs and tried it over the other way.
+Awfully helpful dodge, you know, when you are under some mental
+agitation.
+
+He was looking at me through his lashes as he drew the flame to his
+cigar, and I knew that now was the time for me to speak. He _expected_
+it--had deliberately given me an opening, and a prime one, and now--was
+waiting! Of course he couldn't know that I was so dashed
+inexperienced--unpractised, you know--in speaking to a girl's father
+and that I didn't even know the correct forms and usages. An out-and-out
+man of the world like Judge Billings just _couldn't_ understand this,
+don't you know, and to have him suspect the truth--oh, it would have
+been too mortifying--too _humiliating_, dash it!
+
+So I just leaned forward and made a go:
+
+"Thanks awfully; and--er--by the way--" Then I stuck, boggled wildly an
+instant and went on: "That is to say, this intimacy, you know--has it
+been too short to justify--" I gulped. "Er--would you be willing to
+trust--" And I lost the dashed idea again, floundered a bit and took
+another shy: "Oh, I say, you know, have I your permission to speak to
+Frances--er--_you_ know?"
+
+"You speak to Francis?"--he just leaped toward me--"Why, my _boy_!" And
+he was wringing my arm with one hand while the other clasped my
+shoulder. "My _de-e-ear_ boy--why, Lightnut!" By Jove, he almost gushed!
+"You're not joking now, are you?" He peered anxiously into my face. "No,
+by George, I believe you really mean it!" And he went to pumping like
+mad. "How awfully good of you--_self-sacrificing_ is the word! Are you
+quite sure you don't mind?"
+
+"_Mind?_" By Jove, I think I looked what I felt at such a dashed silly
+question.
+
+"Well! well! _well!_ My dear young friend!" And oh, he went on in the
+most disgusting way--why, dash it, you would have thought I was doing
+him some favor! I guessed, though, that it was the usual custom, but it
+seemed rum--for _I_ should have thought that in giving your daughter
+away, you put the thanks up to the other fellow. But Pugsley says the
+rule varies--quite often varies! Anyhow, I felt so gratified that I had
+taken the honorable course and spoken to her father--understand so many
+do not at all, you know. As it was, it gave me quite a comfortable glow
+of pride, and I reflected how much better it always is to follow the
+wise dictates of your what's-its-name!
+
+"By Jove!" I thought, as I nodded and smiled back, "I wonder what he
+would say if he knew that Frances and I are _already_ engaged!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXV
+
+THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP
+
+
+Presently I got in a word:
+
+"Then, Judge, I have your permission to speak to Frances?"
+
+"Permission?" He lifted his hands and eyes. "You certainly have, my
+boy--don't I make it clear? Why, I'm simply delighted--and grateful--oh,
+so _grateful_ to you!"
+
+And, by Jove, he meant it--there was no mistaking his fervency! But it
+made me feel like a silly ass, you know. Custom or no custom, it just
+made me a bit nifty to think _her_ father would speak this way. Might be
+good form, but it appeared rotten taste--lots of things seem that way,
+dash it! Suggested this to Pugsley once, but he was so devilish shocked
+couldn't eat his luncheon--wasn't able to fetch a dashed word for four
+hours!
+
+"Why, Lightnut," he dropped to a chair, leaning forward, with shining
+eyes, "you can't possibly know what this means just at this time! Why,
+if you hadn't offered to speak to Francis, it's not likely that any one
+else _ever_ would!"
+
+"Judge!" I ejaculated, shocked.
+
+"Who would want to?" And he grimaced horribly.
+
+"Oh, I say now!" I protested warmly.
+
+"My boy, I tell you I know--you _don't_!" He lifted his hand eloquently,
+deflecting the corners of his mouth--oh, such a way! "No, siree, I tell
+you there's not another living man would dare chance it!" He threw
+himself backward, puffing his cheeks at me and walling his eyes
+frightfully. "In fact, hereabouts--where Francis is known, there have
+been two men--only just two--who ever had the temerity to do it."
+
+"Oh!" I commented. Wondered if one of these was the other chap she was
+engaged to.
+
+He proceeded impressively: "One of these, my dear sir, was our rector--a
+most charming and venerable old man, now nearly eighty-three and
+partially paralyzed and deaf; lives a sweet, patient life all alone, you
+know, with no one in the world to care for him. _Well_, sir," he
+stiffened dramatically, leveling one finger at me, "do you think that
+Francis would even listen to him?"
+
+Did I? Well, dash it, _did_ I?
+
+But I tried to mumble something polite.
+
+"And then--" he puffed as he relighted his cigar, "there's Jack's
+chauffeur, you know."
+
+"Eh, Jack's--_what's_ that?" I gripped the arms of my chair.
+
+"Yes," he nodded, "Jack's chauffeur. Oh, I was _so_ disappointed at the
+result of his effort!" The old gentleman slipped back in his chair with
+a sigh. "Francis just swore at him, you know!"
+
+"By Jove!" I managed to get out--and yet, somehow, I was devilish
+pleased about it.
+
+"You see?" And he spread out his hands. "Absolutely no sense of
+appreciation, you observe; and it had seemed such a splendid chance! You
+see they had been so intimate--oh, are still, for that matter."
+
+I caught my breath. "In--intimate!" I stammered. "You don't mean Frances
+and this chauffeur?"
+
+"_Oh_, yes," carelessly, "Scoggins is all right; very superior young man
+for his position--fond of Francis, you know, and I really think has
+great influence." He puffed complacently an instant. "Fact is, they are
+always together when Francis is home"--puff--"motoring, boating, or else
+off somewhere camping together."
+
+"Wha-at--what's that--not _camping_?" I looked at him aghast. "Oh, come
+now, Judge--really you don't mean _that_, do you--not camping together?"
+
+I spoke excitedly, but he just stared at me with an expression of blank
+surprise.
+
+"Eh? Why, certainly, my dear boy--for weeks at a time--and why not?" His
+shift manifested some impatience. "Pshaw, Lightnut," he growled,
+flicking his ash, "what's the odds--why be so particular? _I_ don't
+mind!" He jammed his hands into his trousers pockets till it seemed he
+would go through them. "I tell you, I'm glad I'm democratic!"
+
+"Oh!" I uttered, seeing a light.
+
+So _that_ was it! Well, in any case, I knew now that I was a republican,
+by Jove! Never did know before what I was and it was a devilish relief
+to find out. Half made up my mind, then and there, I would vote next
+election--never had, you know; few of our set ever did. Pugsley, for
+one, held it to be doubtful form.
+
+"Bright, self-made young man," I caught as I came back. By Jove, he was
+still talking about that beastly chauffeur! "Such fine morals, you
+know."
+
+"Oh, dash it, _yes_!" And I think this must have been when I broke the
+corner out of a filling.
+
+"That was why I was so sorry he failed with Francis," he continued
+regretfully, "but _you_ may succeed better--oh, I don't know but what it
+will do just as well!"
+
+"Thanks--er--awfully!" I murmured weakly.
+
+"Oh, I think so--_oh_, yes!" He bobbed his head as though he were quite
+resigned to it--then went on thoughtfully:
+
+"And anyhow, if Francis finds _you_ are in deadly earnest, why it--" His
+voice dropped off musingly: "Well, I believe _that_ would make it
+easier--oh, lots easier for Scoggins."
+
+I blinked a little with my free eye.
+
+Wasn't sure, you know, but somehow it seemed to me a rum thing to
+say--almost offensive, dash it! But then, for that matter, everything
+was rum of late--so _that_ counted for nothing. Fact was, it just seemed
+to me like there was something in the air--everybody seemed so
+queer--well, jolly muddled, I should call it! Idea had been gradually
+coming to me that I was the only one who appeared to have any clear
+understanding of things; and somehow the realization just made me
+devilish nervous--the responsibility, don't you know!
+
+And just then the judge looked suddenly at his watch, muttered
+something, and hitched up to the table strewn with papers. He bent over
+these with a frown, coughed oddly, glanced at me--and bent again with a
+mutter. Of course, I saw he was annoyed over sudden consciousness of the
+break he had made, and was striving to cover his embarrassment.
+
+And, by Jove, it seemed to me he _ought_ to _feel_ embarrassed, for the
+very rummest thing yet was this crazy infatuation for this infernal
+chauffeur. It was pitiful--oh, disgusting, if you ask _me_--and the more
+so because it was something she did not share. I _knew_ she didn't, you
+know! No, it was plain enough, dash it, that between her father and this
+mucker of a chauffeur, my poor darling was being crowded to the
+what's-its-name. _This_ was what she had meant--had hinted at--and, by
+Jove, I was ready to wager anything on it; eager to put up all I was
+worth, you know!
+
+Didn't know, dash it, how much I _was_ worth Went down in Wall Street
+one day and asked old Morley, my man of affairs, but forgot what he
+said. Never could remember afterward whether it was one million or ten
+and always hated to ask again.
+
+Truth was he had stared at me so and seemed so oddly surprised, I just
+worked off some jolly apologetic rubbish and got out. Pugsley thought I
+must have violated some rotten, silly law of commercial ethics--that
+sort of thing, you know; declared that his attorney had had the dashed
+impertinence once to ask him about some investments, so he got another
+man and gave him a power of what's-its-name. Never was bothered now, he
+said, by checks or reports or any boring distractions of that sort;
+_this_ man just kept him supplied with money, and once in a while he
+scrawled his name on something--all he had to do. Devilish simple, you
+see, but then Pugsley is so ingenious, so--oh, _clever_, you know.
+
+"H'm!" coughed the judge, "Er--h'm!" And I stopped snapping the cover of
+my cigarette case, thinking he was about to say something, but he did
+not look up. By Jove, how I wished that he were _really_ busy, so I
+might slip out without danger of offending him! But I was afraid to
+chance it--did so want to rub him right, don't you know, on account of
+Frances. Knew he was still feeling a bit plucked over his slip of the
+tongue--showed plainly he was bothered, you know; you could tell by his
+puckered brows and the way he kept clearing his throat. So meantime,
+knowing that the best thing was to appear unconscious--just give him
+time, you know--I fell carelessly to jingling some coins in my pocket
+and tapping my foot upon the hardwood, as I hummed a devilish neat
+little air from _La Juive_ that I almost knew by heart:
+
+                    "_Qu'il, l'apprenne de vous?
+    Helas, je vous implore, benissez mon epoux_--"
+
+By Jove, I had just got that far, when he shook his head with a kind of
+snort, threw down his pen, and got to his feet, facing me with a sickly
+smile.
+
+"I am going to ask you to excuse me, my dear Lightnut"--came right out
+frankly like that, you know! "But the fact is--" he opened and shut his
+watch--nervously, you know--"I have just realized how--"
+
+But I stopped him--couldn't let him go on, of course: "Oh, I say, you
+know! Not another word, my _dear_ Judge--I don't care a jolly hang, dash
+it!" And to show him, I smiled, got out a cigarette, and perched kind of
+sidewise on the edge of the table. "I'm not a bit sensitive, don't you
+know!"
+
+He stared. "Indeed, no--I see you are not!" he said warmly.
+
+I drew a light a bit airily. "Of course," I puffed, "what _you_ are
+thinking of is your servant, but I"--I shot him a light wink--"I've got
+to think a little about my own affair, don't you--"
+
+"_Lightnut!_" He caught me by the arms, his face reddened almost black.
+"My _dear_ boy, ten thousand pardons! I assure you--"
+
+"That's just all right, Judge," I reassured him soothingly. "All I am
+holding out for is just to be sure we understand each other about
+Frances--that I may be sure I have your authority--"
+
+"So _that's_ it!" He relaxed with a deep breath. Then quietly: "My dear
+boy, you make me ashamed of myself--I _was_ rude!" And he shook my hand.
+"Yes, indeed--you just go right ahead; almost anything is preferable to
+the vicious life Francis is leading--_anything_!" He sighed and his
+voice dropped confidentially: "I'm afraid even you would be discouraged
+if I told you of one or two disgraceful episodes at Cambridge--I _know_
+Scoggins would be!"
+
+Scoggins again--always Scoggins! _Dash_ Scoggins! Of course he would be
+discouraged, but I should not. Devilish simple reason, you
+know--wouldn't believe it, by Jove!
+
+"Yes, I learned all about it from my daughter when she came home," he
+proceeded gloomily; "she feels that in a measure it has marred Miss
+Kirkland's visit with her."
+
+Miss Kirkland! I recalled now that that was the name of the girl from
+China. By Jove, _I_ preferred to think of her as the frump!
+
+"For Miss Kirkland heard the gossip at Cambridge--seems she has friends
+there among the residents; and they were kind enough to tell her of
+these things of the year before as soon as they noticed how devoted
+Francis was to her. At least this is what my daughter suspects--Miss
+Kirkland is not the kind to talk, you know."
+
+Oh, _wasn't_ she! By Jove, I wondered what he would think if he had
+heard our conversation in the hall! But it wasn't for _me_ to tell him
+he was warming a what's-its-name to his bosom, so I just mumbled a
+reply.
+
+"Nevertheless," he shrugged, "it is easy to see that she can't stand the
+sight of Francis." He shook his head dismally. "Charming girl, Mr.
+Lightnut--a rare and perfect type of the English beauty at her best."
+
+Oh, _was_ she! Not if I knew anything about it, and I had seen three
+seasons in London. By Jove, I was so terribly shocked I could just feel
+it in my face!
+
+He seemed surprised. "Don't you think so?" he insisted.
+
+"Well, I rather _don't_, you know!" It just blurted out of itself. "Oh,
+I say--now, you're not really in earnest?" And I screwed my glass so
+hard in my embarrassment, I hurt my eye--"You know she's a freak! Why,
+dash it--" I pulled up, for after all, she was a fellow guest.
+
+He stared, jammed his hands deep in his pockets and bent toward me.
+"Now, look here, my boy, _do_ you mean to say you don't think Miss
+Kirkland a beautiful and winning girl?"--I guess he did see I meant it,
+for he slowly emitted an expressive whistle--"Well, you _are_ hopeless
+then--utterly hopeless!" and dash it, he just groaned!
+
+"But now, my dear young friend," he went on, and with a glance at the
+littered table, "I want you to go out and get some fresh air before the
+bloom of the morning is past--if you go out this way, you will avoid
+encountering those girls"--his hand gently but firmly urged me. "It has
+been just abominably selfish of me to have kept you stuffed in here; I
+know I have bored you to death with all this about the family black
+sheep--I feel that now I must let you escape."
+
+"Oh, no--not at all!" I protested hastily and pulling back. Never would
+do to let him feel that way, you know! "Really, 'pon honor now, thing I
+want to do is just stay here and talk to you about Frances."
+
+"Oh, _damn_ Fran--h'm--I mean Francis will keep!" He caught himself
+hastily before the stare of my glass, fumbling with the papers to cover
+his confusion. Then he clapped me on the shoulder, pressing me again
+toward the door. "You just go ahead and do whatever you can with
+Francis, yourself--you are my only hope! Or wait, and I'll prepare the
+way for you to-night--that's it; that's best!"--and he went to nodding.
+Then he halted my progress and eyed me intently. "There's another
+thing:"--his voice dropped--"I think it's just as well Jack shouldn't
+know of your intentions about Francis; he would never approve--oh,
+_never_!"
+
+He pursed his lips to just a thin curve as he shook his head positively.
+His eyes bored at me over his glasses. I moistened my lips.
+
+"I know _he_ feels you have already concerned yourself enough about
+Francis," he said deliberately. "The other night at your rooms--er,
+_you_ know! Jack is so particular in those little things. Ah, there's a
+model for you!"
+
+He looked upward and wagged his head as he laid his hand upon the
+door-knob. By Jove, how I wished he would open it, for the room was
+getting devilish warm!
+
+"And as for things I deplore in Francis--oh, no, never any of that with
+Jack!"--he stiffened proudly--"he may, as I have said, imbibe a little
+too much, now and then; but when it comes to _scandal_--well, I have yet
+to hear the slightest breath--"
+
+A sharp knock cut in abruptly.
+
+"Come in!" And he swung the door open.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVI
+
+FLORA
+
+
+In the doorway stood the butler, looking rather pale. With him was a
+woman--one of the angular sort, you know, and whom I judged to be the
+housekeeper.
+
+_She_ wasn't pale! No, by Jove, she was fiery red, even to her hair; and
+red, too, the anvil sparks that were snapping from her eyes. She marched
+right in, followed by Wilkes, who carefully closed the door--then stood
+discreetly aloof. Pantingly, she faced the judge, who was staring at her
+in amazement.
+
+"Why, Miss Warfield," he began, "what--"
+
+"Judge Billings!" she exploded. And, by Jove, it was like the blast from
+a mighty bellows! "It's about Mr. Jack!"
+
+The judge's face flushed apprehensively.
+
+"Jack--about Jack?" he repeated. "Is he--er--worse?"
+
+"_Worse?_" The bellows inflated sharply. "Worse is just it--it's the
+shock of finding out things I never even suspected!" She whirled upon
+the butler.
+
+"_You_ tell him!" she snapped sharply.
+
+Wilkes shivered as under a sudden cold what's-its-name. He looked at her
+protestingly, his eye cutting a suggestive hint of my presence.
+
+"Oh, go on!"--the judge nodded to him with some impatience. "It's all
+right--Mr. Lightnut is like one of us. Out with it, whatever it is!"
+
+"Yes, sir." Wilkes coughed acquiescence, but shot a glance,
+half-reproachful, half-apprehensive, at the housekeeper.
+
+She straightened, bristlingly.
+
+"_Are_ you going to tell him or not--and you a man?--or will you put it
+on me?" And she began to inflate again.
+
+The poor devil took the plunge:
+
+"The fact is, sir, Mr. Jack--h'm!"--he fidgeted through an instant's
+misery, then let it come: "It's about him and one of the maids, sir!"
+
+"_Wh-a-a-t?_"
+
+In the jaw-twisting roar, the judge all but lost his plate--his hand
+came up just in time to save it. As for Wilkes, his portly figure seemed
+to lift, balloon-like, from the floor for an instant, then settled back.
+
+"It's Flora, sir," he uttered faintly.
+
+"Flora?"
+
+"Yes, sir." And Wilkes quailed before the judge's brows.
+
+Miss Warfield sniffed.
+
+The judge scowled at her. "Are you both crazy?" he demanded. "What is
+all this--what is it you have to tell? Say it all in a word--one or the
+other of you--and have done!" His jaw settled with a snap.
+
+The housekeeper assumed an injured air. "Well, sir," she said with a
+toss, "it just means this: either I or Flora go at the end of this
+week--I give notice now!"
+
+"All right," said the judge with a sort of bland ugliness, "then that's
+settled--_you_ go! That is, unless you can get right down to brass tacks
+this instant and say what you've got to say."
+
+And, black as thunder, the old boy laid his hand upon the knob. By Jove,
+it did me good to see her crinkle up!
+
+"I'm sure I beg your pardon, Judge," she said, her voice modifying to a
+snuffling twang, "but this has so upset my nerves--Mr. Jack, of all
+men!" She fumbled for her handkerchief before she found it--Pugsley says
+they _always_ do! "Such talk, sir! I _never_--" With a kind of gurgle,
+she suddenly flopped into the nearest chair and lay there, wriggling
+like a jolly auto freshly cranked, and snorting like its horn.
+
+The judge, with head down, glared at her through his glasses.
+
+"Talk? _That's_ nothing!"--he uttered a snort. "Why, hang it, madam,
+he's _drunk_! Can't you have a little Christian charity and put yourself
+in his place? The poor boy doesn't know what he's saying!"
+
+She looked up with a head jerk. "That's _it_--that's just what makes it
+so awful," she sniveled; "the revelations, you know!"
+
+"Revelations, fiddlesticks!" champed the judge, and he jerked his head
+to the butler. "Go on, Wilkes! What has Mr. Billings said that's queerer
+than--er--usual?"
+
+Wilkes rubbed his neck. "Well, sir, to _my_ thinking, it ain't so much
+what he's said that's queer--leastwise, it wasn't at first--as what he
+_did_. First off, there was his stalling about taking his bath, which
+was _on_-usual, for Perkins says, generally speaking, he's right keen
+for it--more 'specially when he's rather well soused--" Wilkes coughed.
+"H'm! I beg your pardon, sir! Anyhow, this time he wouldn't have it at
+all; _no_, sir! He was very excited about it--kinder out of his head, I
+may say--and buttonholed me and Perkins and went on a whole lot about
+only the under man being--no, let me see, _lower_ man was what he
+said--the lower man being an--an"--Wilkes' brows contracted as he
+strained for it--"an am--h'm--funny I can't remember that word--a
+am_fibby_ something--Well, anyhow, he said he never used water
+_ex_-ternally."
+
+A penetrating moan from the handkerchief startled us.
+
+"Then--then he never uses it at--_at all_!" came in a muffled wail.
+
+The judge's teeth glittered at her in one united row; then he jerked a
+nod to Wilkes. "Go on!" he commanded shortly.
+
+But the butler was glooming sullenly at the fiery head that topped the
+bundle of black.
+
+"He does, too!" he protested. "'Cause Perkins asked him if he wouldn't
+like some ice-water and he said he would if he might drink it his own
+way."
+
+"His own way--um--well?"
+
+"And when Perkins brought it, he poured it down his neck--yes, sir,
+every drop--"
+
+The master cut in irritably: "His neck--confound it, man, tell your
+story without slang--or leave off! You know I detest--"
+
+"_Not_ slang, sir"--hastily--"his neck--outside, I mean--"
+
+"Oh, stuff!"--incredulously--"mean to tell me--"
+
+"He _did_, sir--I'll swear it!" The butler was respectful, but firm as
+the rock of what's-its-name. "Perkins tried to stop him and says: 'Wait
+a minute, Mr. Jack--you're making a mistake--it ain't 'round there; it's
+in _front_, you know!' And he turned on Perkins with a scowl something
+awful, and his langwige--well, it wasn't langwige at _all_! Perkins
+thought--" He paused.
+
+"Um!" The judge had drawn me aside. "The alienation is unusual--what do
+you think, Lightnut?"--he looked grave--"it doesn't seem the ordinary
+hiatus--the passing alcoholic dementia, you know--there seems in it
+something hydrophobic--eh?"
+
+"Oh, dash it, yes--_that's_ all!" I said offhand--just took a chance,
+don't you know!
+
+"Um!" He blinked at me; then faced square about. "I guess I'd better go
+up; perhaps when he sees me--"
+
+He halted, leveling a stern glance at Wilkes.
+
+"What the dev--what are you grinning about?" he rasped.
+
+"I'm not, sir!" And the butler's hand came down, revealing a sobered
+countenance. "I was just a-wondering if he would try to get you to put
+on the pajamas--he did all the rest of us, even--" His eye angled
+cautiously at the housekeeper, then batted at us significantly as her
+red head wriggled deeper. "Fact is, I think he's kinder gone off about
+pajamas--just as I told you, sir." His glance appealed to me. "Yes, sir,
+when I took you his message--you know--and brought back yours, it was
+even more so then."
+
+I felt myself get devilish red, then pale, for the judge's eyes were on
+me.
+
+
+"Yes," he muttered, still looking at me, "he _was_ telling me something
+the other day about some silk pajamas."
+
+And then I knew he _knew_!
+
+"Yes, sir," continued Wilkes, "when I got back with _your_ message, Mr.
+Lightnut, he seemed to get more excited about them--about pajamas, I
+mean. He talked to me and Perkins through the door crack and wanted one
+of us to put 'em on--'in the interests of science,' _he_ called it--and
+offered to pass 'em out."
+
+"Poor fellow--_poor_ fellow!"--and the judge looked pitiful--"well, why
+didn't you humor him?"
+
+"I--I don't know, sir!" The butler looked embarrassed. "And, anyhow, it
+was just then Mrs. Warfield came, and he tried to get--"
+
+"Oo-o-o-o!" from the black bundle.
+
+"And then--" Wilkes hesitated, looking uneasy.
+
+"_Go_ on, man!"
+
+The butler coughed faintly. "Well, sir, when she--h'm--refused--it was
+then he asked for Flora. 'All right, then you bring me my Flora,' was
+what he said, and he sounded irritated like. 'Beg pardon, sir?' says
+Perkins, putting his head to the crack kinder inquiringly. 'My Flora,
+man!' he comes back sharp; 'just find and bring my Flora--and some
+_pins_;'--he seemed particular about the pins--'if I've got to stay
+alone, I want something to divert me--I want my Flora!'" And the butler
+mopped his forehead.
+
+The bundle erected itself. "His '_wild_ Flora,' was what he said," Miss
+Warfield corrected sharply; "he said he wanted to embrace--"
+
+"Press," Wilkes corrected in turn.
+
+
+She inflated with one drive of the piston. "If there's any difference,
+_I_ don't know it!" came in a blow-out. And, dash me, if I believe she
+_did_. She looked it, by Jove!
+
+She faced the judge, who was leaning back against the table, looking
+kind of punctured, don't you know. By Jove, it seemed to me he had grown
+five years older in as many minutes!
+
+This seemed to brighten her. "Wanted to _press_ his 'wild Flora'--his
+very words!" her voice rasped.
+
+My, but that woman looked vicious! She blew her nose, crossed her hands,
+and propped herself on one foot with an air of ladylike resignation.
+
+"I was so shocked you might have knocked me over with a feather, but I
+managed to speak to him--I don't know how I ever did it!--and I said:
+'You don't mean Flora, sir--_you_ can't treat Flora that way!' And if
+you could have seen the way he flew to pieces! 'Why can't I?' he yelled
+at me. 'Do you think I haven't done it before?' Exactly what he said and
+I could hardly believe my ears; and then"--here she began to wabble and
+the handkerchief came up--"then he--he called me a wo-woman!"
+
+And, by Jove, she was off the road!
+
+But it seemed to give the judge new interest in life! He just needed
+some jolly thing, you know; and now he flared up sudden and went up in
+the air like a freshly touched-off what's-its-name:
+
+"A woman?" His cheeks blew out like little red balloons. "Well, dammit,
+madam, what are you--_aren't_ you a woman?"--hands on hips he just
+howled it at her--"what do you _think_ you are?"
+
+For an instant she quailed before him like the stricken
+what-you-call-it--but _only_ for an instant! Then her long neck coiled
+back and her eyes glittered beady and snake-like; I heard a sort of
+rattle in her throat, and then, of course, I knew she was going to
+strike--and she did!
+
+"Very good, Judge!" She sniffed it. "Still it's my duty to tell you--or
+any one that asks me, for that matter--exactly what Mr. Jack said!" She
+moistened her lips with the end of a red tongue, and clucked in a sad,
+pitying sort of way. "Your son looked straight at me through the
+door-crack and laughed in the most contemptuous way, and he said: 'You
+just leave my Flora to me, woman! This time you're talking of something
+you know nothing about and never did know--why, I've pressed Flora a
+thousand times!'--yes, sir, just what he said!"--she whirled on
+Wilkes--"you heard him say it, too!"
+
+The butler's sullen eye-droop admitted it.
+
+"Huh!" And she tossed her head back with a nasty smile.
+
+By Jove, she had got the judge full and square--you could see it as he
+stood there looking down, his face jolly gray and drawn and his
+under-lip kind of dragging through his teeth. He was a gamey old boy,
+but he had had a devilish hard knock where he lived you know--Jack!
+
+"George!"--just a deep breath, you know--then he faced me. "You will
+excuse me, Lightnut? I must see to this." And he walked out, followed
+by Wilkes.
+
+Somehow, dash it, it just bowled me over to see his gray hairs humbled
+in this way to the what-you-call-it--he had such a devilish few of 'em
+left, too, you know! So, before I knew it, I had walked right up to the
+old mountain cat and took a hand myself.
+
+"I say, you know!" I said, screwing my monocle down on her. "Too
+devilish bad you've got yourself in such a pickle--"
+
+"_Me_ in a pickle?" she snorted. "Huh!"--and her ropy neck went up
+again, but I struck first:
+
+"You've played smash, don't you know," I went on, tightening my glass.
+"Awfully sorry--just wanted to give you a hint. You know this sort of
+thing's against the law--something or other criminal--malicious libel or
+malfeasance or--er--felonious assault or some dashed thing of that
+sort"--her eyes began to widen--"Oh, yes," I drawled, "you're in for the
+very deuce of a scrape unless you keep quiet!"
+
+"Who says so?" she tried to bridle.
+
+"_I_ do!" I said, boring her steadily. "Witness, you know! So is
+Wilkes--both of us--to whatever dashed thing it is the judge decides
+you've done--_I_ don't know, you know!"--I shrugged carelessly. "But
+_he_ knows--he's a lawyer--and of course he'll explain it to Wilkes and
+me as witnesses. That's what witnesses are for, don't you know! Better
+go to your room and await arrest quietly."
+
+"Oh!" She kind of caught her breath, turning green and dropping her
+skinny hand upon a chair-back. And I was going on explaining to her,
+when I looked up and there was Jenkins.
+
+"Pardon, sir," he said, looking at me oddly, "but there's a caller
+waiting, and he was so urgent and particular, I came--"
+
+"Card!" I suggested, extending a couple of fingers.
+
+Jenkins looked shocked and his arms remained rigidly down.
+
+"Oh," I said, polishing my glass, "the gentleman--is he one of my--"
+
+"It ain't a gentleman, sir,"--Jenkins got it out with difficulty; "it's
+only just--er--a person!"
+
+"Eh? Oh, I say, now, Jenkins!" I protested.
+
+"A person from the--" Jenkins blinked. "In fact, a police person--" his
+chin went up and he so far forgot himself as to indulge in a
+sniff--"come to see you about--" his eyebrows angled a lofty protest at
+the housekeeper's strained poise--"h'm--to see you about--_you_ know!"
+
+I was dashed if I knew--but not so Miss Warfield! She gave a sudden gasp
+and whirled herself in front of me, hands up and clasped like the other
+woman in a jolly play you know.
+
+"Oh, sir!" she tremuloed, "Please--_please_--"
+
+"Eh?" I said in alarm and stepping back, for, dash it, _I_ didn't know
+what she wanted; and for a moment I had an awful thought she wanted me
+to--_you_ know! But the next second, I had her right.
+
+"Um!" I said, tightening my lips. "Well, I'll see!" And she looked so
+white--white as the driven what's-its-name, you know--that I felt my
+devilish heart go out to her a bit. "All right," I added soothingly,
+"you just go on about your duties and sit tight, you know, and I'll see
+if I can--er--fix things!"
+
+And, by Jove, I got past just in time to keep her from catching my hand
+and wringing herself over it.
+
+"What the deuce--" I began outside, as Jenkins steered me toward the
+_porte-cochere_.
+
+He looked warily at the footman waiting to serve us at the door--dashed
+if he didn't almost lay his hand on my arm!
+
+Then, behind his hand: "It's about the pajamas, sir!"
+
+"Eh?" I gasped, falling back.
+
+He stooped after me and his breath tickled my ear:
+
+"_Hers_, sir! _You_ know, that night--h'm!"
+
+"Oh!" I said faintly. And this time he _did_ catch my arm, and I was
+devilish glad, by Jove!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVII
+
+I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS
+
+
+Outside, swinging his club and kicking his heel in the macadam, I found
+a fat policeman--from New York, I knew by his helmet.
+
+He turned and I saw--O'Keefe!
+
+"Oh, there you are, sir!" And with a careless duck and a wave, he ambled
+forward and placed in my hands a parcel.
+
+"It's them, all right!" he said with a fat wink. "The black silk
+pajamas--we got 'em, you see!"
+
+"Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. Then suddenly I got the jolly idea full
+and strong, you know, and I was just so dashed relieved and delighted, I
+shook hands with him--fact!
+
+"Oh, I say, Jenkins," I remarked, twisting my glass at him, "by Jove,
+you know--eh?"
+
+"Certainly, sir!" Jenkins admitted calmly. "I knew in a minute soon as
+he told me!"
+
+And, by Jove, I believed him! Had to, you know; it was only just one
+instance of the devilish clever, intuitive way Jenkins had of boring
+into things!
+
+"Yes, sir,"--O'Keefe thoughtfully transferred a big wad to the other
+cheek--"the captain gave me a little lay off so's I could bring 'em
+up,"--he studied with interest the top of one of the pillars of the
+_porte-cochere_ and shrugged lightly--"of course it wasn't just because
+of the reward, though of course five hundred bucks is five hundred
+bucks, but we thought you might like to have 'em--_thank you_, sir!" For
+out of my folder I peeled five crisp centuries and laid them in his
+palm.
+
+This done, Jenkins glanced at me and turned suggestively toward the
+entrance, but O'Keefe didn't make a move to go and no more did I. Fact
+was, I had a devilish keen notion that the old cat up-stairs would be
+watching for the policeman's departure through the grounds, and it came
+to me that to play him a little longer wouldn't do any harm, but might
+seal her jolly mouth the tighter.
+
+O'Keefe thanked me again. "You're sure solid with the force, sir," he
+assured, nodding earnestly. "Just remember my number and the name of
+Captain Clutchem if any time in town you get rounded up in any of our
+little--er, _you_ know!"--he dropped a cheerful wink at me and glanced
+again at the bills. "Expect maybe you're anxious to know if Tim gets a
+divy outer this," he proceeded; and I murmured some jolly something. Of
+course, I _wasn't_ anxious, you know; fact is, I didn't care a
+dash--didn't even remember who Tim was. "Yes, siree, he'll get ten of
+this!" he finished impressively.
+
+Meantime, he had been hunching himself up until now he succeeded in
+wrenching from somewhere behind, a ragged and shiny old wallet, bulging
+with worn and greasy papers. Within this, with a flourish, he laid the
+bills.
+
+Then he faced us with an air of increased cheerfulness.
+
+"So much all for the velvet!" he remarked with another wink.
+
+Of course it was of no importance to set him right about the material;
+as for that, I didn't care a jolly hang if he thought they were made of
+linoleum! But it gave me the idea of just peeking into a corner of the
+parcel to satisfy myself that its contents were of filmy black silk--and
+they were! I went no further; not for all the gold of what's-its-name
+would I have profaned the package with further investigation.
+
+"Why, sir, I don't think you need be worrying but what they're all
+right," and the big policeman nodded confidently; "in fact there don't
+seem to be no damage at all." He added meditatively: "Which is some
+wonder, considering how we had to roughhouse Foxy Grandpa before we
+softened him down in his cell th' other night." Here his cheeks swelled
+and he sent a long sheaf of brown liquid at a grasshopper on the freshly
+whitened door-stones--and got it, too, neatly missing the polished toe
+of Jenkins' boot. "No, sir!"--emphatically--"I don't think you'll be
+hearing any holler from your lady friend when she goes to--_eh_,
+what?"--he stared at Jenkins blankly, for Jenkins had coughed--"Oh,
+excuse _me_!"--and his big hand lifted apologetically to his mouth,
+while his eyes rolled upward--"What I just meant was that I know they're
+all to the good; I went _all_ over 'em!"
+
+"_Oh!_" I muttered, turning rather faint. I dropped the parcel and
+Jenkins picked it up. By Jove, for a moment, he came jolly near having
+to pick _me_ up, too, I was that shocked and prostrated!
+
+"The _only_ thing--the only thing 'tall--" I had to wait through an
+agonizing moment while his tongue gathered his wad and peremptorily
+expelled it, this time enlivening the cold, dead monotony of the
+silver-gray macadam--"was her--I mean, was the pants."
+
+"Ah-h!" I put my hand to my side and looked at Jenkins appealingly, but
+he was looking upward, his eyes kind of cast over like a bird's; the
+lines of his mouth tightened to an arch--and I knew _he_ was suffering
+too! But we _must_ try to stand it a little longer--just a little!
+
+Through one instant's respite, Mr. O'Keefe's thick tongue was occupied
+in striving to glutenize the entire wrapper of a much crushed and
+awfully yellow cigar. Then he separated a mouthful from the end and
+proceeded:
+
+"I did notice with the legs, that one of 'em was just a bit longer than
+th' other, and down at the station we was a wondering if--" the brown
+head of a crackling match drew a long, curving what-you-call-it on the
+smooth, creamy masonry, and he paused to pump madly, striving to coax a
+draft of smoke--"we wondered if 'twas--_intentional_." His eyes sought
+mine inquiringly.
+
+By Jove, I was so frozen with horror, I couldn't even look away; just
+stood there, helpless, you know, and my jolly monocle hanging
+limp--couldn't have lifted it to have saved my life! Felt my senses just
+growing numb all the while with the tragedy of the thing, the thought of
+this coarse monster's touch defiling the dainty, gossamer garment that
+had shrouded her sacred what-you-call-'ems--Oh, it was _awful_!
+
+I wondered if the housekeeper could be looking still from her tower,
+like Sister Anne in the story of what's-his-name! Perhaps, if I could, I
+would better hold out just--
+
+"Um--_ah_, I see! It _was_, then!"--he was nodding with an air of
+understanding, pausing in the struggle with the refractory cigar. His
+strained and reddened face shaped sympathetically. "Just what _I_
+thought and told 'em!" he bobbed with satisfaction. "_I_ understand! You
+ain't got no need to make no explanations to _me_!" and he lifted his
+fat hand to restrain them. "Why, my wife's own grandmother had a club
+foot, and to her last day if she got outer bed on the wrong side, the
+old lady went a header sure--oh, _I_ know!"
+
+A moment before, I had thought that so far as the mere matter of jolly
+misery was concerned, I had sounded the what-you-call-'ems; but now my
+dashed brain was reeling before this new horror! To think that _she_
+was--but oh, it _couldn't_ be! And yet I recalled ominously that most of
+the time I had known her, I had only seen her sitting!
+
+Mr. O'Keefe exerted another vain pull at his cigar and poised it
+critically between his fingers. "I don't seem to make this piece of rope
+go," he remarked superfluously, and I thought his eye cut me with a mild
+reproach. There was nothing to do but take the hint and produce my
+case--just refilled in my room with Paloma perfectos. Oh, I was glad to
+do it, by Jove!--glad to be able to do it--devilish glad to find I
+wasn't paralyzed, I mean!
+
+"Why, thanks!" His fingers only removed three cigars, but I just made
+him take them all! _Oh_, yes, for the case would _have_ to be refilled
+now, anyhow, dash it!
+
+"By-y-y the way, sir!" He closed one eye at me as he carved from the
+brown beauty a half inch of its waxy bud, using for the maltreatment a
+perfectly brutal knife. "That was a neat try-on you made to copper the
+thief yourself--a _leetle_ irregular, you know," he shook his head at
+me, "but, as the captain said, we ain't making no point about that with
+a gent like _you_--sure not!"--another imperishable line of beauty upon
+the receptive stone, and he puffed inhalations of joy. "But I knew you
+never could get him to the station--I could have told you."
+
+"Oh!" I remarked, puzzled. By Jove, I had a dashed awful thought for a
+moment that I must be losing my intelligence! I looked at Jenkins again,
+but he had not yet come back to the ground.
+
+"Oh, I'm on, sir!" Another one of those awful winks as his club
+scratched his helmet sideways. "You know I saw everything--I was right
+there at the Kahoka, you know!"
+
+"Oh, _that_!" I said, understanding. For I knew then that he was talking
+about Foxy Grandpa in my rooms. I had almost forgotten the jolly old
+vagabond, but it occurred to me that perhaps I ought to show some
+interest as they must have recaptured him along with the pajamas. "I
+say!" I chirped up, "did you have much trouble about it--getting him
+again, you know?"
+
+"Trouble?" O'Keefe's lip doubled contemptuously. "It was easy as
+butter!" His hand spread, palm downward, in an expressive gesture. "Why,
+he doubled right back to the Kahoka!"
+
+"By Jove, you know!" I exclaimed, startled.
+
+"Surest thing you know! I collared him right in front and with the
+goods!" Mr. O'Keefe expectorated eloquently. "My, but he did put up an
+awful holler--said the pajamas were his own and he had just had 'em
+made. And bluff--_well_!"--he fanned the air for a moment in the effort
+to find an appropriate gesture--"I'm used to these swell con men, but
+that gun was the limit--pulled out a card case, mind you, and letters,
+and wanted me to go with him to his club--his _club_--" the big fellow
+doubled over in a spasm of mirth that all but choked him. "I told him
+I'd _give_ him the club if he didn't go quietly--for you see I
+recognized him in a minute; you can't lose them freak kind! Besides, he
+give himself away: told me he'd overlook my conduct on this occasion
+_and the other_, if I would release him. Well, that was enough! I
+beckoned Jimmy Dwyer across and we run him down the line to the station.
+Oh, we got him there, but it wasn't easy--for _him_! And there he'll
+stay a while!"
+
+He had to pause and pump air, he was so winded.
+
+"Jove!" I said absently. Fact is, I was getting jolly tired standing so
+long--never had stood so long that I could remember. Wondered if the
+housekeeper wasn't getting tired, too, wherever she was watching from!
+Better give her a few minutes more, though; so I shifted to the other
+leg, but yawned comfortably and openly. As for Jenkins, he had just
+frozen up like a jolly image, his eyes getting filmier and duller as
+O'Keefe proceeded, his chin gradually working higher and his mouth
+corners lower, until now they almost pointed to the ground. He was
+impressive and devilish correct, but somehow the whole dashed thing
+seemed lost on O'Keefe.
+
+He even asked Jenkins for a match--but of course received no attention.
+"Gone off in a trance!" he said to me, with a vulgar jerk of his fat
+thumb. And then he touched Jenkins with his stick--fact; touched
+him!--and winked!
+
+"But it _woulder_ tickled you," he resumed, using one of the vestas I
+extended and puffing the cigar until it almost flamed, "if you coulder
+seen the grand-stand play this guy put up before the sergeant! But the
+old man just let him blow it all off; just sat there calm behind the
+desk, chewing away and jabbing a pen through the blotter, while this
+stiff fumed and spouted--oh, something scandalous--bringing in the names
+of mighty near all the important people in New York; his _friends_, he
+said! Oh, yes, he mentioned _you_ in particular, sir!"--and his face
+expanded in a relishing grin.
+
+"Dashed impudence!" I murmured feebly.
+
+"_Oh_, yes," carelessly, "but the sarge quieted him--just purty near
+soothed him to sleep before he got _through_, you know--it's one of his
+ways!"--his glance lifted solemnly.
+
+"Fine, you know!" I murmured admiringly. I reflected approvingly upon
+what a dashed good thing it was to have a man in that position--whatever
+it was--who was of such a devilish mild and gentle temperament: the
+quiet word--the soft answer--the kindly remonstrance--all that sort of
+thing, you know.
+
+"We're a leetle crowded now," the big cop pursued, reflectively gouging
+into the mortar with the long blade of his knife, "and we had to put him
+in the cell with a gorilla what's always wandering back to the jungle
+for too much strong-arm work--maybe you read about him? He scragged a
+whole family th' other night and threw 'em down the fire-escape."
+
+"Oh!" I said uneasily. "But isn't he--er--rather dangerous?"
+
+"_Naw!_" A careless but vigorous head shake. "_Only_ in his sleep, you
+know--it's his dreams leads him off--_or_ unless some one touches or
+crowds him; then he gets peevish and--oh, well he _might_, of course--"
+Mr. O'Keefe's expressive shrug finished out the idea. But I wouldn't
+have heard it anyhow, I was in such a yawn.
+
+By Jove, I was sure the housekeeper would have chucked it by now, or
+else worked herself up into a swoon! Why, _my_ jolly foot was asleep! It
+was safe to let him go. I looked at my watch and coughed, and Jenkins
+came to and backed up to the door, sidling for me to pass within. The
+policeman straightened his helmet and murmured words of adieu.
+
+"But, if no offense, there's just one question I'd like to ask you,
+sir." He swung his club with a smiling, genial air.
+
+"Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently.
+
+My eye had been suddenly attracted by a feathery gleam of white through
+the trees. It was slowly moving up the slope to a pavilion overlooking
+the Tappan Zee.
+
+He drew nearer with a confidential air. "Just a little argument I had
+with the old woman, you know, about them pajamas. Would you mind telling
+me--_as_ man to man, y'understand--if them garments is"--his voice
+dropped--"is like her real shape--figger, I mean--h'm?" And he tapped
+the parcel lightly with his stick.
+
+Jenkins cleared his throat loudly and shifted the pajamas to his other
+side. As for myself, I just winced as under the stroke of a
+what-you-call-it, but one end of my dashed brain was being pulled by the
+flashing play of the dappling sunlight there upon--
+
+"By Jove, her figure exactly!" I ejaculated, staring.
+
+For it _was_ her--no, dash it, _she_, I mean! I had a perfectly clear
+view of her now as she paused on a little point and hung there looking
+out over the Hudson. In her hand was a full-blown, ripened rose, and her
+lips were shaping in ravishing little pouts as musingly she blew the
+petals from her. But go they would not, but hugged back in the arms of
+the light breeze, circling and fluttering about her glorious sunny head
+like a swarm of rosy butterflies. It made a pretty picture!
+
+"And what's more, they're just her color, too!" I murmured tenderly,
+forgetful of everything but her, unmindful that I was not alone. For
+under my hand I could feel my jolly heart quivering like a champagne
+cork, freshly unfettered and thrilling eagerly under the impulse of the
+mad, dancing, joyous spirit within.
+
+"The one lovely woman in all the world!" I breathed aloud, and I felt my
+eyes grow oddly moist.
+
+And for a minute I went off in a jolly trance.
+
+"Good-by, sir!"
+
+It was O'Keefe's voice--oddly constrained.
+
+"Eh?" I ejaculated, blinking at him as I came back. Then I
+remembered--but what was it he had been asking? Something--
+
+"Just, good-by!" he repeated with elaborated gentleness. Then,
+straightening: "_No_ offense, I hope, if we let it go at that--I mean, I
+guess you won't miss it if we _don't_ shake hands?"
+
+I glanced at the gloves he was drawing on.
+
+"Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently, and my eyes coasted up the
+slope again--then dropped back disappointedly, for she had disappeared
+within the pavilion.
+
+"Of course, rich people has got privileges," Mr. O'Keefe was ruminating
+somberly; "and I ain't saying a word, not a word, mind you!"--the glove
+that lightly emphasized this displayed all fingers widely and generously
+spread. "The captain'll tell you he ain't having to tell me, like some
+of 'em, to be careful about keeping off the grass"--he shrugged--"oh,
+well, perhaps enough said!"--and he turned away.
+
+Then he turned back. "Of course, that other part of it"--it would seem
+that his club, extended pistol-like, was not leveled at Jenkins so much
+as at the pajamas--"of course, nobody can't _help_ that--that's
+Nature--I'm some that way myself, though nothing like _so_ much, and
+nothing like so heavy as I was. We'll leave that part out of it--_I'm_
+willing--but, _gentlemen_"--Jenkins paled, and swayed so horribly, I was
+almost sure he would go--"when it comes to--comes to--" With a helpless
+head-shake, he gave it up and contented himself with expectorating
+violently upon the ground. Then he moved slowly away.
+
+His helmet tossed as he looked back. "I guess we _all_'ve got our little
+prejudices," he remarked sententiously; "I know _I_ have! I'm from the
+South!"
+
+And without another word, Mr. O'Keefe presented his broad back to us,
+and swinging his stick carelessly, sauntered down the drive.
+
+"What the deuce!" I exclaimed, looking after him. "I say, Jenkins, what
+did he mean?"
+
+Jenkins' face expressed mild reproach and surprise.
+
+"Can it possibly matter, sir?" he questioned wearily. "Persons
+of--er--that sort, you know, sir?"
+
+"Jove!" I uttered, relieved.
+
+Jenkins' coldly elevated brows dismissed the matter from further
+consideration. He lifted the parcel with a slight gesture of inquiry.
+
+I had already come to a decision about it: I would send it to Billings!
+Perhaps the retrieving of the pajamas would have a soothing effect upon
+his poor mind!
+
+I gave Jenkins instructions. "H'm! Of course, manage to speak with him
+alone," I cautioned, having thought of Judge Billings; "and don't forget
+the message."
+
+"Certainly, sir," said Jenkins attentively. "I'm just to say: 'Mr.
+Lightnut's compliments, sir, and he says _you'll_ know what to do with
+these.'"
+
+I nodded. "Exactly, and I'll wait here--but, oh, hurry, dash it!" And I
+looked longingly at the pavilion and tried to feel if my part was right.
+
+He _did_ hurry! By Jove, he was back almost immediately and looking a
+bit rattled.
+
+"Yes, sir!"--he coughed as I screwed my glass inquiringly--"I got there
+just as the judge went into his room across the corridor, and Mr.
+Billings opened the door the minute I said I was from you. I gave him
+the package and the message and he took it over in a corner; and then in
+about a minute I heard him chuck it somewhere and say some long word. He
+came back to me, looking kinder irritated and with his eyes snapping."
+
+"Oh!" I uttered nervously. "Er, what did he say, Jenkins?"
+
+Jenkins sighed. "Oh, well, sir, nothing as you might say was anything,
+_really_; he jerks out kinder crossly: 'Tell Mr. Lightnut, I say one
+thing at a time, and give him this!'"
+
+On the scrap of paper I clutched out of Jenkins' hand was a crazy scrawl
+of just a half-dozen words:
+
+_I'm a biped, not a centipede!_
+
+I squinted through the dashed thing twice, but could make nothing of
+it--I even tried it backward!
+
+"Jove!" I muttered perplexedly. "It's rum, Jenkins!"
+
+Jenkins' mouth tightened and relaxed. "H'm, what _I_ thought, sir," he
+responded soberly. "The demon rum, sir!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXVIII
+
+"IF EVER I FIND A MAN!"
+
+
+"I trust you've not been getting into trouble, Mr. Lightnut!"
+
+Her lovely eyes were dancing with mischief as they hung there below
+mine--eyes, bluer than the Hudson at our feet; yet between the jolly
+ripples that played across those pools of truth I could glimpse far down
+into depths that were the most devilishly entrancing, darkly, deeply,
+beautifully--oh, _you_ know!
+
+Why, by Jove, I almost took a cropper right into them! Only caught just
+in time, you know; straightened right on the verge, as it were--and came
+up with a gasp, monocle dangling.
+
+Had almost forgotten the dashed windows--and the two cats that might be
+looking out!
+
+I murmured some jolly apology, adding:
+
+"Oh, yes--quite so; certainly! I _mean_--eh what?"
+
+She was smiling, her rose-petal lip dragging through her teeth.
+
+"The 'bobby,' you know, just now"--she nodded toward the
+_porte-cochere_--"I was positive he had come to drag you away to your
+loathsome dungeon. And when he retired, I was--oh, _so_ relieved!" And
+she clasped her hands, her eyes lifting upward.
+
+"Oh, I say now--were you, though?" I grinned delightedly and slipping to
+a rustic chair beside her, looked her affectionately in the eye. For all
+her air of chaffing, I knew that under it was a current of anxiety for
+me--the darling!
+
+I screwed my glass at her tenderly.
+
+"What would you have done," I said softly, "if he had--er--lugged me
+off, you know?"
+
+"_Can_ you ask?" What a reproachful side-glance she shot me through the
+meshes of her silken what-you-call-'ems! "Why, of course, I should have
+drawn my good excalibar and run him thr-r-rough and thr-r-r-ough!"
+
+By Jove, how she said it! And she illustrated with the stemless
+rose--dash it, no; the roseless stem! She was _superb_--looked like the
+jolly fencing girl; only a dashed sight more stunning, don't you know!
+And her excalibar, too! Didn't know what a jolly excalibar was, but
+guessed it was some delightfully mysterious but deadly feminine
+thing--some kind of submerged hat-pin-sort-of-thing, you know--_that_
+sort, dash it! Yet she would have drawn it--and her _good_ one, too, she
+said!
+
+"Jove!" I said feelingly. "Would you, _really_?" And I almost took her
+hand--and again remembered the windows! So I just shot her a look.
+
+Her glorious eyes sparkled. "That is, I would if I had one," she said
+smiling; "but I'm afraid poor Arthur lost the last and only one. Sad,
+isn't it?"
+
+"Oh!"
+
+I just felt my jolly heart sink like what's-its-name. Who the deuce was
+"poor Arthur?" This must be another--some other thundering chap who had
+been engaged to her. And what a rotten, careless beggar, too, to have
+lost it--that is, if he _really_ had! Of course, he would say so,
+anyhow. And how the deuce did he get it, in the first place--did she
+give it to him, or did he--
+
+By Jove, how I should have liked to punch Arthur's head! Always did hate
+a chap with that name! I flushed guiltily, but she did not see. For the
+moment, she was looking off dreamily across the valley.
+
+"I wonder," she said pensively, "why it is one can never find another
+man like Arthur. Do you suppose it is because he was the ideal?"
+
+For an instant, I swallowed hard--then I plucked up bravely, or tried
+to, don't you know.
+
+"Jolly likely!" I chirped. Then gloomily: "Oh, I say, you know, was he
+_your_ ideal?"
+
+"Always!"--the blue eyes lighted wistfully--"I suppose it's because he
+was my first love; I found him so brave, so noble-mannered, you know--so
+simple!"
+
+_Simple!_ Dash simple people--never could stand them! Thing _I_ admired
+was brains! Aloud I said gently--almost humbly:
+
+"So glad you like him, don't you know--_did_ like, I mean!"
+
+"_Did_ like? I do still!"--her tone lifted in earnest protest--"I love
+to think of brave, dear Arthur and his knights--so few, and yet so full
+of love, of gallantry and daring!"
+
+So _his_ nights were like that! By Jove, I was devilish glad then that
+they had been _so few_--that was some comfort, dash it! I wondered if
+the beggar was dead. But what difference did it make now, after all? She
+was mine now and she knew I knew it; that was why this sweet, ingenuous
+child was laying bare to me her past--the darling!
+
+Really, I ought not to let her go on.
+
+"Never mind them now," I urged soothingly. And heedless of the windows,
+I hitched a wee bit closer. "That's all past and gone and you and I will
+yet see as good nights as they _ever_ were." I spoke with assurance.
+"Don't _you_ think so?" I added softly.
+
+She sighed. "I don't know--I hope so!"--she lingered dubiously over it,
+looking away again, the while her hand put back the fleecy, golden
+what-you-call-it that was snuggling to her eyes. I looked at the
+goddess-like forearm, bared to above the elbow, where it slipped from
+sight under the roll of sleeve, and thought of that night in my
+apartment when she had made me feel of her biceps, don't you know.
+
+How deliciously shy she was! Remembered hearing Pugsley say they are
+often that way with the development of love. Told me he thought he'd get
+married once--looked over the girls of his set and picked out one; then
+he went to see her. She was devilish cordial at first and until Pugsley
+began to tell her about it, then she began to grow agitated--finally
+went out of the room and had hysterics. _Next_ time he saw her she
+hardly was able to speak to him! Said that ended it and he passed her
+up--too dashed much bother trying to follow 'em, he decided; they were
+too high-strung, too emotional, too uncertain of themselves, _he_
+thought.
+
+I gave her five seconds, and then--
+
+"You don't _know_?" I repeated with gentle reproach. "Oh, I say, you
+know! You know you _know_ you know!" By Jove, that sounded rather rum,
+but I knew she knew I knew she _knew_--see?
+
+She looked at me sidewise, her slender forefinger pressing the
+half-parted lips slowly shaping in a curve. Then her little teeth
+flashed, jewel-like--regular jolly pearl setting in the frankest,
+sweetest smile!--and then her glorious arm and wrist arched suddenly
+toward me.
+
+"Yes!" she said contritely, and with the most delightful, kindest
+inflection and laugh--such a laugh!--a laugh gurglingly melodious--oh,
+dash it, yes; I mean just that!--like the flute notes in the overture to
+what's-his-name--_that_ sort!
+
+"That's the way I love to hear a man talk!" she said warmly. "I think
+it takes an American to stand up for his own place, his own
+times--_please_!"
+
+And gently, but with a lovely smile, she withdrew her hand that I had
+folded close in mine. I let it go, for I saw her look toward the house,
+and, of course, _I_ understood--jolly careless of me not to have
+remembered--but she would know from my nod and shrug that I
+comprehended.
+
+And really, by Jove, it was almost as pleasant as holding her hand, just
+to watch her leaning back against the iron pillar about which curved the
+dark-leaved tendrils of some purple-flowering vine. By Jove, she just
+looked like a stunning, white, Easter-card angel--that's what!--even to
+the golden hair they always have and the jolly wings; for her gleaming
+arms, spread behind her head, made you think of that. But _that_ was as
+near as one of them could come to her, for no golden-haired angel in
+white flowing nightgown was ever a patch on her for _style_!
+
+Never a one could look so _chic_ as she did in her smart linen suit,
+with its blue flannel collar, caught low with a flowing, breezy tie; and
+no jolly angel _I_ ever saw pictured could sport a waist like that, so
+dainty, so modish, so jolly snug and--er--squeezable, don't you
+know--_never_! And I was devilish sure that no barefooted or sandaled
+angel would ever dare to put a foot beside one of those little white
+Oxfords or that arching instep, just blushing faintly through the silken
+mesh that held it--well, I guess not! And where the angel, I should
+like to know, that could match her glorious, fluffy pompadour or the
+distracting little golden smoke wisps that whirled and pulled and
+tangled and tossed and twisted and tugged, trying to lift her in their
+feeble arms into the current of the wandering breeze?
+
+I sighed, and my deep breath brought her gaze back to me and her
+flashing smile as well.
+
+"And so," she said, lifting her little chin, "you think there are just
+as many knights now as there used to be?"
+
+I almost laughed at the child-like question--but I didn't! Dash it, no,
+I wouldn't have done so for the world. Just looked at her seriously and
+answered her in kind:
+
+"Perfectly sure of it, don't you know!"
+
+And, by Jove, I was! Knew if there had been any change, some
+newspaper-reading chap at the club would have mentioned it--_that_ was
+safe: especially one silly ass who was always reading of some jolly
+comet that was coming. _He_ would know about the nights.
+
+"Yes--oh, yes, there are just as many," I affirmed positively, and added
+quickly: "_More_, you know!" For suddenly I remembered it was leap-year,
+and I knew there was some jolly rhyme about leap-year gives us one day
+more--so, of course, there'd be another _night_!
+
+"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that," she said musingly.
+"There are just as many knights, you mean, but the conditions have
+changed--the _man_ is changed--is that it?"
+
+I should say the man was changed! "Oh, dash it, yes!" I blurted. By
+Jove, I hoped there wouldn't be another change.
+
+"You mean"--with a little, challenging, puzzled smile, she leaned
+forward, her elbow resting upon her knee like a sculptured, Grecian
+pillar; her flower-like curving fingers supporting her chin like a
+Corinthian what's-its-name, you know, the sort of thing the ancient
+what-you-call-'ems always added to top off their stunning marble
+columns--_you_ know!--well, like that--"you mean we may find knights,
+not only in the field, but in the shops, upon the streets--even in the
+slums; or in the hospitals, in the church or even on the bench--_that_
+is your idea?"
+
+It _wasn't_ my idea at all--I should say not! Who wanted to spend nights
+prowling around _that_ way? Why--why, it wasn't respectable, dash it!
+Besides, that sort of thing--excursioning about seeing things--was
+devilish tiresome, if you asked me. I never did do it, even abroad,
+where you meet Americans, jolly bored and tired, doing all sorts of rum
+places no one else ever thinks of, don't you know.
+
+And as for a _bench_! Well, it was like her, in her innocence of the
+world, not to know how downright vulgar that would be. I had seen
+couples sitting evenings in the park--and I _knew_!
+
+But I answered tactfully:
+
+"I don't mean those places so much, don't you know--I think we can find
+lots jollier and better nights elsewhere." And I closed my free eye and
+beamed at her through my glass. "Don't have to go so far, you know;
+under one's own roof, or--er--some one else's roof, for instance--why
+not _here_?" I jerked my head toward the old stone pile behind us.
+
+"Oh!"--her eyebrows lifted at me--"so you've thought of that, too?"--she
+nodded gravely--"you mean in the library there?"
+
+I winked assent.
+
+The library suited _me_ all right!
+
+"Just now," she said in an oddly sobered voice, "I looked in as I passed
+through, and he was looking so crushed, so worn and tired, you know--he
+had just come from up-stairs; and yet he faced me so bravely and
+smilingly"--she shook her head--"poor fellow!"
+
+I stared--puzzled, don't you know. Offhand, dash me if I could see what
+the judge had to do with our evenings together--why, I had his own
+approval of my suit. Then I remembered that she, of course, didn't know
+that--_yet_. Probably what she had in her dear little mind was that he
+might be holding the library--and he _would_, if he continued to think
+he was busy; for I had heard him say he expected to work all night. But
+then, there were dozens and dozens of others places we could go--well,
+I should just _say_!
+
+I had just bent forward to suggest this to her when I saw she was going
+to speak. So I waited, smiling at her tenderly.
+
+"And about Arthur--" she began, and I cut myself a painful stab with my
+nails--right in the palm--"now there is a case where I think you
+find"--she nodded toward the house again--"where you find one of his
+superb qualities, the one quality that, of all, I admire in a man the
+most."
+
+"By Jove!" I said, leaning forward. I wondered what it was--and then,
+dash it, I asked her.
+
+"Just _trust_!" she said simply, and her face grew luminous. "Faith,
+perhaps I should say. _My_ father has it larger than any man I ever
+knew; it is something that goes out from him with his friendship, with
+his love, making a dual gift"--her voice dropped thoughtfully--"I have
+studied it in him all my life, and it has always seemed so beautiful to
+me--so wonderful--the unquestioning peace he has"--her blue eyes
+widened, shining--"has ever in return for the perfect, abiding trust
+that he gives to the thing he calls his own. I _know_, for he has made
+_me_ feel it from the time I was a tiny little girl!" The last word was
+almost a whisper, so tense, so vibrant with feeling was it--she _seemed_
+to have forgotten my existence. "And if ever I find a man--" she
+breathed.
+
+I coughed slightly and she started, stared at me--and then the dimple
+deepened in her cheek, lost in a bed of jolly roses. Her laughter pealed
+forth, birdlike--delicious!
+
+"I _beg_ your pardon!" she said. "But when I think of papa and of how he
+believes in his children, especially poor little _me_, I think I must
+get--" Her roguish, puzzled smile searched my face. "_How_ is it you say
+it?--oh, I know--'I think I must be getting _dippy_!'"
+
+And it was the first slang I had heard from those sweet lips since the
+night she was in my rooms!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXIX
+
+"BECAUSE YOU--ARE YOU"
+
+
+Poor, brave-hearted girl! How pitiful and heartrending to a keen-eyed
+man of the world, seemed her poor, little sham about her father's trust
+in her! For _I_ knew the facts, you know!
+
+What a little thoroughbred she was! By Jove, I just sat there for a full
+two minutes, bending toward her worshipfully, but with such a lump
+choking my devilish throat that dash me if I could chirp a single word.
+Just sat there--that's all--blinking damply at her with my free eye,
+studying with growing wonder the light she managed to summon to her
+face; heartsick for the care-free mockery of the cherry lips, shaping
+seemingly in a meditative whistle; all my jolly heart beating time to
+the lithesome tapping of her smart little boot upon the wooden floor.
+And she? She, brave heart, leaning back watching me through her long,
+fringing lashes--forcing a quizzical smile to her face, the while the
+jolly worm was gnawing at her what-you-call-'ems!
+
+And suddenly it came to me that I just couldn't and wouldn't let her go
+on this way, without the sympathy of the man she loved; without the
+precious consolation of knowing that he knew! She was being badgered and
+rough-shouldered and put upon and distrusted and maligned by every one
+she knew, and she had _no_ one in all the world to turn to but me--and--
+
+Oh, I wanted her to know what _I_ thought, don't you know!
+
+I slipped to the seat beside her.
+
+"Er, Miss Billings--" I began, thinking absentmindedly of what I should
+say, and forgetting that we were quite alone.
+
+"'Miss Billings!' _Why_ do you call me that?" Her lovely brows puckered.
+"I remember, now, that's twice you--"
+
+"_Frances_, then!" I corrected softly.
+
+She straightened, her bosom lifting with a quick intake. By Jove, that
+was what she wanted!
+
+"Oh!" Then she leaned slowly back, looking at me thoughtfully through
+half-closed eyes, her lips parted in the oddest smile.
+
+And I screwed my monocle tight and let her have smile for smile,
+determined to chirp her up and make her feel our oneness--that sort of
+thing, you know. And I succeeded! For of a sudden her head went back and
+the joyous peal of her canary laugh started off the jolly birds in the
+trees above us.
+
+"Oh, you--" A stare, and then another burst as she bent forward, face
+buried in her hands. Then it lifted sharply, flame-dyed--her lips
+tremulous, her eyes shining like sapphire stars. "Oh!" she gasped, and
+how I envied the little hand she pressed against her waist; but the
+windows--dash the windows! "That's--that's _it_--Frances--just that
+much! But, do you know, I don't--don't believe you really know my full
+name. I remember now several th--" She bent toward me witchingly, her
+wide blue eyes challenging my candor. "_Honestly_, now--_do_--you?"
+
+So it was _that_ thought that was tickling her! Well, by Jove, I had her
+there, for I had heard the judge mention her name in full. I would
+surprise her!
+
+"Oh, _don't_ I?" I exclaimed, winking as I polished my glass. "Well, how
+about Frances Leslie Billings?" I let her have it slowly, distinctly,
+and with yet a note of triumph I could not altogether hide. And then
+remorseful for her amazed expression, I explained frankly: "Got it from
+your father this morning, don't you know, during our long talk about you
+in the library."
+
+"Wh--"
+
+Then she swallowed and her face fell perfectly blank. By Jove, I could
+have kicked myself for a jolly ass for breaking it to her so raw! Of
+course, she would know that if her father talked of her, it would be
+nothing for me to hear that was true or kind--nothing she could wish
+might be said to the man she loved.
+
+I hastened to reassure her:
+
+"But I don't believe a dashed word of anything he said about you"--I
+spoke hotly--"and I don't care a jolly hang for what the others said,
+either--so there you are!"
+
+"Oh, you _don't_?" Could tell how I had touched her by her expression,
+don't you know; and she fell to looking at me the queerest way. "And
+would you mind telling me who the 'others' are?"
+
+I eyed her gloomily, sympathetically. As _if_ she didn't know already!
+
+"Well--oh, dash it, my mind has been filled with--er--just anything!" I
+began cautiously.
+
+"_I_ know,"--she murmured it as if to herself--"one can _see_ that!" And
+she bit her lip.
+
+"In the first place, you know"--and there I pulled up. No, dash it, I
+wasn't going to say a jolly word about poor Jack--no, _sir_! But then,
+about the other one--well, _she_ was just a treacherous snake in the
+what's-its-name, and she ought to be exposed. By Jove, she should be!
+
+"It's the frump, you know," I said indignantly.
+
+"The--the _what_?"
+
+Her pretty teeth flashed like the keyboards of a tiny organ--you could
+even hear a little gurgly, musical quiver somewhere behind. And then I
+remembered that, of course, she wouldn't know whom I meant.
+
+"Oh, your guest, you know--your friend from school," I went on, trying
+to tread cautiously and yet feeling myself growing red. "Oh, see here
+now, I don't like to say things, but--er--"
+
+"Oh, _go_ on!" she trilled, her sweet face shining wistful.
+
+"Well, I mean this--er--Miss Kirkland; came out with us this
+morning, don't you know. _I_ think of her as _the frump_--little
+idea--er--nickname of mine, you know, she's so _awful_!" And I screwed
+my glass with a chuckle.
+
+For an instant I thought she wouldn't catch it, she stared at me so
+blankly. _Then_ the joke of it--the jolly aptness, so to speak--got her
+full and square, and she just lifted a scream, hugging her knee and
+rocking back and forth, her face suffused, her laughter pealing like a
+chime of bells.
+
+And I just rocked, too, keeping her company. Really, I don't think I
+ever laughed so much since some chap plunked down on the hard crown of
+my new tile last winter. At least I _wanted_ to laugh--in church, you
+know, and it's so awful how you feel there when something--oh, _you_
+know! And if you could have seen that poor fellow's face!
+
+By Jove, how glad I was for her jolly sense of humor that could see the
+point of things so quickly, and think them _clever_. Always had so
+dashed little patience with stupid people, don't you know. And just here
+another little thing came to me and I let her have it:
+
+"Oh, I say!"--I leaned nearer, chuckling--"your father pretends to
+think her a most beautiful and winning girl--_fancy_!" And my face
+stretched itself in such a jolly grin that I could hardly hold my glass.
+
+She bent toward me, smiling adorably. "You mean this--er--'Miss
+Kirkland'?"
+
+I nodded chortlingly.
+
+She peered at me through her long what-you-call-'ems--oh, _such_ a way!
+
+"But _you_ don't think so, _do_ you?" How sweetly, how fetchingly she
+said it!
+
+"Me?" I gasped. By Jove, in my horror, I lost my grip upon my jolly
+grammar. "Oh, I say now! _I_ think the frump--this Miss Kirkland, you
+know--is a fright--regular freak, dash it! I told the judge so!"
+
+"You--you--"
+
+"Of _course_!" And I shrugged disgustedly, making the ugliest grimace I
+possibly could. "Why, dash it, if I were a woman and had a face like
+hers, I never would have left China, or England--or wherever her jolly
+home was--_no, sir_!"
+
+She caught her breath with a little gasp--then she was off again! This
+time she rested her arms upon the rail behind and buried her head in
+them, her lovely shoulders jiggling up and down, her sobbing laughter
+sending her off at last into a spell of coughing.
+
+"Oh!" she breathed, lifting at last her gloriously blushing face and
+dabbing at it with her ridiculous little handkerchief, "oh, you'll
+_kill_ me--I know you will!"
+
+I certainly had stirred her up, and I was delighted. It _was_ funny to
+think of any one calling the frump beautiful--it must seem funnier still
+to her, of course--to Frances, I mean. Why, dash it, _she_ seemed to
+find a funny side to it that I didn't, don't you know!
+
+"Tell me, now"--she clasped her knee, lifting her lovely face
+coaxingly--"tell me all that she said about me--_everything_!"
+
+And I did--every word, by Jove!
+
+And no one could look into that sweet, ingenuous face as I proceeded,
+and doubt that the slanders were new to her. Never a jolly one touched
+her--only you could see their absurdity amused her. Several times I had
+to pause as she bent under a gale of laughter.
+
+Only once was she brought up, shocked.
+
+"Oh!" she uttered faintly, as I came to the intimation about her being
+hail-fellow-well-met with the footmen and her drinking and carousing
+with them and other men-servants until three in the morning. I realized
+that it wasn't the matter of the drinking that feazed her and drew from
+her little gasps as I came to this--knew _that_ didn't bother her, don't
+you know, for I knew she did drink--_could_ drink, I mean to say; for I
+had not forgotten the two full whisky glasses of high-proof Scotch she
+had tossed off that night in my rooms. Why, no, dash it, she was _able_
+to drink--it went in the family! I could never forget with what pride
+she had told me of putting her brother Jack under the table two nights
+running. _That_ was all right--it was the other part of the frump's
+scandal that brought her up, standing, so to speak.
+
+For _now_ she really looked embarrassed, despite another lapse to
+laughter. Her face and neck were dyed a lovely crimson.
+
+"Oh, dear!" she said finally; and she wiped her eyes. "_What_ you must
+think of me!"--and she looked away, a pretty frown contracting her face;
+then the jolly dimple deepened once again and she choked into her
+handkerchief. "Oh, _dear_!" she repeated, biting her lip to hold her
+quivering mouth corners. "Oh, it's a shame," I heard her mutter; "I
+_mustn't_ let him--it's too--" She wheeled upon me, her lips tightened.
+"Oh!" she ejaculated sharply, almost petulantly, and her foot struck
+smartly on the boards. "I wonder how much you think--think--"
+
+"Think _lots_," I said simply, watching her little toe as it tapped.
+
+"Well, _I_ should think as much!" And this time her laugh was
+short--oddly constrained. She looked away off down the slope to the
+river. "_Oh!_" This time it was a tiny gasp as of dismay. And the toe
+tapped like an electric what's-its-name.
+
+"Yes," I said, watching it musingly, "I suppose it's because you're the
+only girl, don't you know, that I ever _did_ think of before--oh, ever
+at all, dash it!"
+
+The toe stopped. I could _feel_ her looking at me sidewise, but I did
+not glance up, that I remember; was looking down, trying to get hold of
+a dashed idea I wanted to express.
+
+"Don't know," I continued, boring away at her toe, yet hardly seeing it,
+"but suppose that's the reason I knew all the time she was _lying_; but
+still, somehow that doesn't seem to be the _real_ reason I knew. I think
+the real reason I knew it couldn't be and wasn't true was"--I sighed
+heavily--"oh, dash it, it's _so_ hard to get hold of the jolly thing!"
+
+And there was a pause.
+
+"The real reason?" her voice coaxed gently.
+
+"Was because--" Then she moved the toe and it put me out--"I think just
+because--oh, yes, I _know_ now!" And I looked up eagerly. "Just because
+I knew that you--are _you_!" I finished beamingly.
+
+"Oh, I see!" She said it musingly, her finger lightly pressing upon her
+lips, her beautiful eyes studying me with the oddest, keenest
+side-glance.
+
+A pause; and then: "And _how_ long have you known me, pray? Just a--"
+
+"A thousand years!" I said promptly and earnestly. "A thousand years and
+all my life, don't you know! Never will know you any better."
+
+"I wonder," she murmured, nodding slowly. And then for a moment she
+didn't say a word, just sat there looking me over curiously, her
+expression half shy, half quizzical, don't you know.
+
+Then her smile flashed again--a radiant, dazzling brightness that
+brought her nearer, like the effect of the sunlight's sudden gleam there
+at times upon the blue line of the "West Shore" away across the broad,
+three-mile span of the old Tappan Zee.
+
+"And now"--again her splendid young arms were clasped, wing-like, behind
+her head; and its golden glory hung like a picture against the dark vine
+leaves, bossed with the clustered purple flowers--"now," she repeated,
+settling comfortably, "you must just go on and tell me the rest--I can
+bear it! What did my"--her big blue eyes twinkled as she smiled--"my
+father say about me?"
+
+I shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, I can't, you know!" I demurred. "I say,
+what's the use, dash it?" Poor old boy, somehow I just hated to round on
+him--he was so jolly hard hit already; Jack, don't you know! Besides--
+
+"Please!" Jove, how she said it!
+
+"Oh, dash it, I'm afraid it will hurt you," I protested uneasily; "and I
+don't think the judge really--"
+
+"I just don't care _that_"--a snap from her little fingers and her arm
+went back--"for anything _he_ ever said about me that was _mean_! So,
+please go on--I must go dress for luncheon."
+
+And so I just took a deep breath, a long running leap, and cleared the
+bar--told her all, you know!
+
+Oddly, this time she didn't laugh--and I knew why: it was her father,
+and it had cut her to the heart. This was what I had feared. As I
+proceeded, narrating the interview in the library, she just grew rosier
+and rosier red, but sat looking at me wide-eyed and unflinching. The
+pulsation of her bosom quickened a little, but her dear face remained
+unchanged, save for her little trick of dragging her under-lip through
+her white teeth.
+
+"And, by Jove, that's all!" I finished with relief as I mopped my face.
+"But who cares, don't you know, or believes any bit of it? Anyhow, _we_
+don't--for we know!"
+
+"Are you _sure_?" She spoke gravely, yet in her eyes were the dancing
+star-motes of a laugh. "The extravagance, the gambling, and the--oh, all
+of it? I must tell you _I_ heard some sad things myself about Francis
+Billings while I was at Cambridge--"
+
+I grunted scornfully. "_I_ know: from that two-faced cat, Miss Kirkland!
+Say, how I wish, by Jove, that woman would pack up and go back to
+China--the _sponge_!" And I screwed my glass indignantly.
+
+"Oh, now!" she remonstrated sweetly, "you mustn't say _that_! You might
+be sorry!" She smiled archly.
+
+I grunted contemptuously.
+
+Again she rested her little chin upon her hand, eying me thoughtfully,
+earnestly.
+
+"And so you don't believe any of it?"
+
+I chuckled at the idea. "Oh, I say now, Frances, you _know_ I don't!"
+And I shoved a bit nearer, looking into her eyes. But just then I saw
+Wilkes come out and look around.
+
+And _she_ must have glanced about quickly and have seen him, too, for as
+I shifted my eyes to her again she was blushing furiously and had moved
+a bit.
+
+"I'm afraid," she said measuredly, her chin lifting a little, "you do
+believe--_part_ of it!" And in her eyes was a glint of fire.
+
+And then as my face fell blankly, a slow little smile came creeping back
+to hers. Her eyes softened.
+
+"Forgive me," she said gently; "I misunderstood!"
+
+The darling! And, dash it, if they were going to have vines to a
+pavilion, why didn't they _have_ vines?
+
+"Do you know," she said, "I don't believe you _do_ believe any of these
+awful things could be true about me,"--her voice quickened here--"and do
+you know I just think it's lovely of you! I _do_!" And her dear voice
+dropped like the softer notes of a what's-its-name. Her hands lay in her
+lap and she was studying me in the kindest, sweetest way! And I wanted
+to tell her how good she was and how much I loved her, don't you know,
+but just then, behind the pavilion, came the gardener. He was talking to
+one of his assistants about slugs--_dash_ slugs!
+
+And then her face lighted again as though she would speak and I leaned
+eagerly toward her--waiting, expectant.
+
+"When Arthur made his court at--" she began, and, by Jove, my jolly
+heart sank. If she would only drop Arthur and give me a chance to make
+_my_ court, dash it! "Camelot, you know," she went on, and I almost
+groaned. What did _I_ care that he came a lot? Perhaps, now, if I could
+divert her mind--
+
+"Oh, I say, you know," I broke in interestedly, "what was it you
+were--er--humming--just now, don't you know."
+
+"Vivian's song--don't you remember it?"
+
+I tried to think, but I couldn't seem to place her, though I knew the
+whole line of 'em back to Lottie Gilson.
+
+I finally had to shake my head.
+
+She smiled. "Don't you know," she said:
+
+    "'I think you hardly know the tender rhyme
+    Of "trust me not at all or all in all."'"
+
+She was right! I didn't know the jolly thing, that was a fact, but
+somehow I liked the swing of it. She went on, and struck me with another
+remark. By Jove, she seemed to have forgotten about the jolly song and I
+was devilish glad, for _I_ had rather hear her _talk_, don't you know.
+
+    "'In Love, if Love be Love, if Love be ours--'"
+
+"_If?_" I ejaculated reproachfully, hitching nearer. But she only
+smiled, and continued her remark:
+
+    "'Faith and unfaith can ne'er be equal powers;
+    Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all.'"
+
+"Oh!" I uttered. For, by Jove, she had said it--the thing I had felt all
+the time and couldn't express; the something that had been with me all
+along in connection with herself. And here _she_ had the jolly idea pat
+upon her tongue! I just blinked at her admiringly--didn't dare speak,
+you know; afraid I'd break the thread of what's-its-name.
+
+She went on telling me something about a lover's lute, and it was hard
+not to speak _then_, for I did so want to ask what a jolly lute was. And
+then some remark about specks in garnered fruit--here her line of
+thought had been changed, I knew, by some remark of the gardener
+outside: something about worms and the orchard. However, I just chirped
+up a nod and listened as attentively as though she had gone right on.
+She was busy with her hair now, but with her mind still on the worm,
+murmured abstractedly:
+
+    "'That rotting inward slowly moulders all.'"
+
+And just here, with a little clatter, her back comb struck the floor,
+bounding to the other side of the pavilion. As I scrambled to get it,
+her voice lifted through a choke of laughter:
+
+    "'It is not worth the keeping; let it go!'"
+
+The idea!
+
+I laughed as I caught the thing up and whirled, my hand outstretched to
+lay it in her own. She was on her feet, pulling down her belt, and
+paused to lift away a leaf that clung to her snowy skirt. And just here,
+the gardener's voice lifted startlingly across the park to some one
+distant and invisible:
+
+"Better bring paris green, Jud; it's the only way we'll ever get rid of
+'em," he bawled. "I see they're going after the leaves now, and they can
+live on them and air. Pizen'll fix 'em, though!"
+
+The comb outstretched, I stood staring at Frances, doubled over and
+writhing. And then, with a long-drawn gasp that was half a screech, her
+lithesome figure straightened, her head went back, and from her throat
+there trilled the very joy of health and youth and happy days.
+
+"Oh!" she gasped, her hand pressing to her side. And while I looked at
+her anxiously, she went on pantingly, her eyes bright with tears:
+
+    "'But shall it? Answer, darling, answer no,
+    And trust me not at all or all in all.'"
+
+"Jove!" I said delightedly, placing the comb in her outstretched hand
+and pressing it--the hand, I mean, dash it! "I _do_, don't you know! I
+trust you all in all!"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXX
+
+THE JUDGE FIXES "FOXY GRANDPA"
+
+
+"But tell you, sir, he is _not_ my son!" The judge was bending over the
+desk 'phone as I looked in a half hour later. His voice rose in a
+crescendo of rage: "Wha--what's _that_? Do I want to speak with him?
+Certainly _not_, sir--and I _won't_!... Um, yes--John W. Billings--yes,
+that's his name.... Stuff and nonsense, sir! He's up-stairs now in his
+room.... Says what?"--the judge's eyes rolled frowningly upward as he
+listened; then he licked his lips and bent again, speaking with
+passionate incisiveness: "Why, dammit, man, I've just this minute been
+talking to him--just left him, y'understand.... _Certainly_ your man's
+an impostor--_you_ ought to know that!... Yes, this is Judge Billings,
+himself.... Eh? Oh, that's all _right_, but now let me tell you
+something"--he cleared his throat and gathered his voice in cold,
+deliberate accents: "You let me be annoyed again from your precinct, and
+I can promise _you_ that.... Um, well that's all right then.... 'Bye!"
+
+He banged the receiver to the hook and faced about, muttering things to
+himself.
+
+"Well, upon my word! Of all the--excuse me, Lightnut!" He wiped his
+forehead, his glance abstracted and scowling. "Somebody is putting this
+fool up to this--somebody trying to annoy me!" He uttered a short laugh
+that was more of a snort. "There's some fool lunatic down in New York
+that they've arrested and he's got a bug that he's my son! This is the
+second offense. Caused me to lose two hours from my office yesterday in
+the city and upset me for the whole day! And me so busy! busy!"--his
+hands lifted toward the papers on the table--"so busy I can
+hardly"--another snort, and he relighted his cigar, puffing
+savagely--"looks like there's just one fool thing after another
+interrupting me or absorbing my time!"
+
+"Jolly shame, you know!" I responded, dropping sympathetically into a
+chair. I pushed the papers to one side so I could rest my elbow on the
+table edge; besides, I saw they were fretting him--could tell by his
+glances, you know.
+
+For another thing, I had got hold of a devilish shrewd idea I wanted to
+break to him--about this chap who was pretending to be his son. I
+remembered that the old rascal who had invaded my rooms had tried to
+make me believe that _I_ was his bosom friend.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know," I began, declining a cigar and selecting a
+cigarette from my case, "I've an idea!"
+
+And I faced him impressively.
+
+"You've _what_?"--he straightened forward, with a kind of twisted
+smile--interested, you know--"whatever makes you think _that_, my boy?"
+
+I waited, sending a long, thin smoke funnel upward. Kept him expectant,
+you see, and gave me time to get hold of the corners of the jolly thing
+myself. Catch the point? So devilish important when you have to lift an
+idea, don't you know.
+
+"Rather fancy your chap's the same one I know of," I drawled, "an oldish
+duffer--white mutton-chops--beefy sort of face--sunburn line and
+baldish--all that sort of thing!"
+
+"Well, by-y-y George!"--he slapped his hand down--"I should say that
+_was_ a real idea! And you say you know this crazy fool?"
+
+"Crazy? He's not crazy!" I exclaimed indignantly, thinking of her
+pajamas. "And he's no more _fool_ than I am!"
+
+He fell back with a grunt. "Oh, well, I _know_--but--"
+
+He coughed. By Jove, he seemed disappointed, somehow!
+
+I proceeded calmly: "Real truth is, the beggar's a notorious criminal,
+known to the police as Foxy Grandpa--pretends all sorts of things about
+people, don't you know."
+
+"My dear Lightnut,"--he was staring at me, mouth distended--"why--how
+the devil do _you_ know this?"
+
+I inhaled deliberately. "Awfully simple, don't you know," I responded
+quietly; and I let him wait till I had blown six rings. "Fact is, _I'm_
+the one sent him to jail!"
+
+"You!"--his laugh was frankly amused, incredulous.
+
+"Oh, yes!"--carelessly--"found the fellow thieving in my rooms the other
+night and called in police--oh, they recognized him in a minute!"
+
+He looked floored. "Well, what do you think of that?" he murmured
+slowly. Then his face flushed and he sat erect. "And so _that's_ all the
+crazier the ruffian is--_that's_ the kind of smart Alex that's been
+trying to get gay with me--with _me_!" He started up, snorting like a
+war-horse--"Huh! Well, _two_ can play at that game, and"--his eyes
+twinkled wrathfully--"I'll show him who's got the best hand! I'll
+just--"
+
+The rest trailed off in a mutter. He had dropped beside the telephone
+again, his cigar crushed firmly in the corner of his mouth, his gray
+mustache bristling aggressively. I tried to trace the family resemblance
+to Frances, but clashed if I could see a single point. And while I was
+thinking of this, he got his number.
+
+"Yes, yes," I heard, "I _do_ want to speak to him personally--this is
+Judge Billings!"--a moment, and then: "Morning, Commissioner--this is
+Billings.... Fine, thank you!... Oh, no! No bad effects at all--takes
+more than that to throw a seasoned old diner like my--.... What say?"--a
+cackling chuckle--"yes, I knew the dinner would loosen _him_ up! Had his
+promise before we left the table; Soakem heard him--so did Benedict....
+Yes--_oh_, yes; he's got it--had it with me, you know, _in case_!...
+No-o-o, of course not; not a single line or scrap!"--a lower drop of
+tone--"just in a plain, blank envelope--best way always, you know....
+Yes, that gives us a safe margin in the Senate now, not even counting
+upon what they do in committee--and Soakem'll take care of that end....
+Yes, he went back to Albany this morning--he says the bill's safely
+deader'n Hector _now_.... Er, by the way, Commissioner,"--the judge
+cleared his throat and his voice sobered: "Little favor I want to
+ask--h'm! I'm being greatly annoyed by some low vagabond confined at one
+of the stations.... _Yes_, I really mean it!--Captain Clutchem's
+precinct, you know--and this ruffian insists to them that he's my
+son.... No, _indeed_, I'm not joking at all.... All right, you may
+laugh, but I fail to appreciate the funny side, myself--especially now,
+you know, when I'm up to my neck in this merger case.... How's that?
+What do I want _done_? Oh, I wouldn't venture to say as to _that_! I
+leave that to _you_!... _I_ know.... Yes, I understand all that, but ...
+wait--wait just a minute! Now you listen--"
+
+The judge concentrated more intensely over the instrument.
+
+"You know what you asked me to do when I saw you last night--and I
+refused"--another voice drop--"with the mayor, you know? Well--now
+listen--you make assurance that this scoundrel will not bother me for
+thirty days and--well, I give you my word that I'll do all I can to
+bring things the way you want.... Good!... What'll you do with him? Why,
+what in Sam Hill do _I_ care what you do with him?... Oh, but _say_,
+Commissioner--yes, I do care, too!"--a laugh here like a jolly fiend--"I
+_shouldn't_ like for him to be put away off in some nice, damp, dark
+cell to cool off--he! he! he!--y'understand?"
+
+He got so mixed up in his chuckling and coughing that he couldn't get
+out another word for a moment. Then--
+
+"Oh, no! _Cer_-tainly not; nor one too hot and airless, as you say--he!
+he! he! And don't put him--don't put him--" the judge was gasping for
+air now--"don't put him on bread and water, or anything of that kind,
+nor in a cell with rude, rough men who would tame his playful
+spirit--he! he! he!--oh, _don't_ do that!... What say? I didn't quite
+catch--" And then, dash it, it seemed he _did_ catch it, for he began
+waving his arm and pounding the desk. "Oh--oh, no, that would be _too_
+bad--really!... Eh? Oh, well, you know best--it's up to you now!...
+'Bye, and many thanks, Commissioner! Eh? All right, to-morrow then at
+one at the Lawyers' Club--you can go over again the points of what you
+want with the mayor. 'Bye!"
+
+And with good humor perfectly restored, he faced me, wabbling like a
+jolly jellyfish.
+
+"'S greatest joke ever heard of in my life!" he chortled.
+
+"Oh, I say, how did you find Jack?" I asked, for that was the thing I
+had begun to think of.
+
+His face collapsed so dashed sudden, I was afraid it would break. And
+from being a peppery red, he changed to a devilish sickly yellow.
+
+"Awful!" he said jerkily. "Something awful!" And he groaned like a jolly
+horse in pain. "Went up there, you know, but--" his hands lifted and
+dropped; he shook his head--"didn't seem to know me at all--was sitting
+there in his pajamas examining with a magnifying glass some leaves he
+had pulled at the window. Seems obsessed with some crazy patter of talk
+I couldn't understand--poor fellow!" The judge sighed. "Only thing he
+seemed to want me to do for him was to promise to wear his pajamas
+to-night--pajamas seem to be the focus of his malady this time."
+
+I swallowed pretty hard and looked down.
+
+"I promised," continued the judge gloomily. "And I'll do it--oh, yes,
+anything to humor him! He's to put them outside his door to-night--it's
+his own whim, you know." He went on moodily: "He won't allow any
+luncheon sent up; says if not too much trouble, would be grateful for
+two and one-half ounces of unleavened bread and clabber--what the
+devil's _clabber_?"
+
+I had never heard of it--knew, of course, no one had!
+
+"Well," he said with a deep breath, "we'll just have to do the best we
+can. Of course, under the circumstances, it's best for him to keep his
+apartment--Oh, say, would you like to go up?"
+
+"Oh--er--think not!" I stammered. "Don't believe I--"
+
+"You're right! You're right!" He pursed his lips: "Too pitiful a
+sight--only sadden you!" He began gathering up the papers behind my arm,
+though I murmured that they were not in my way at all. The cathedral
+chimes in the hall had played the half hour. The judge strolled over to
+the French windows that opened upon the loggia.
+
+"I say, Lightnut, have you ever noticed the view from out here?" he
+asked briskly. "Fine, you know! Nice to sit here and watch the
+boats--have you your cigarettes? _Oh_, yes! Try _this_ chair! Now, if
+you'll excuse me I'll be with you in--"
+
+"Luncheon is served!" intoned a human machine.
+
+"Ah-h!" The judge's tone evinced satisfaction. "My dear Lightnut," his
+hand upon my arm, "do you know I look upon you as so nearly one of
+us--?"
+
+"Thank you, judge!" I said feelingly. By Jove, it was devilish comfy to
+have her father so jolly friendly about it!
+
+"That I'm just going to ask you to excuse me from lunching with
+you--know you'll understand, my boy!--so infernally busy, you see!"
+
+I _didn't_ see, though he had been _saying_ this all morning. But as he
+seemed to think he was busy, I wasn't going to make any dashed break
+contradicting him, you know. So I pretended I _did_ see.
+
+"Thank you--thank you, my boy!" He patted me on the back. "And as you'll
+have an opportunity of seeing a little more of that charming girl, Miss
+Kirkland--" Charming girl, indeed! I wondered what he would think, if he
+knew of her designs on poor Jack! "I want you to go in for her a
+bit--cultivate her a little; you may change your opinion--eh?" He
+laughed softly and paused in our progress through the library to dig me
+sharply in the side. "Go ahead--_flirt_ with her, my boy! She will like
+it--all girls do--and it will do you good; do both of you good!" The old
+boy beamed at me over his glasses as he vented a horrible chuckle;
+didn't seem to notice how painfully shocked I was.
+
+A flirtation, indeed! And with the frump, of all others! Of course he
+was just having his little joke, and didn't seem to realize what
+devilish poor taste he exhibited as the father of my darling.
+
+"Thank you," I said rather coldly, "but I don't think that--er--sort of
+thing would show much consideration for Frances and--"
+
+"Rubbish!" And, by Jove, how he laughed! "Do you think Francis would
+show any consideration for _you_?"--he snapped his fingers. "I think
+you're a bit too quixotic, young man!"
+
+I didn't know--don't know now; never was up on any of those legal
+terms. _He_ knew what he meant!
+
+"Pshaw, now!" he went on, "if _that's_ what's restraining you, you must
+drop it! I want you to have a pleasant time while you are here with Miss
+Kirkland--get along with you!"--then he pulled me back again--"You
+needn't be thinking about the slightest obligation so far as Francis is
+concerned. Why should you when the affair is all one-sided?"
+
+"One--one-sided?" I repeated falteringly.
+
+"Why, yes; the girl doesn't care for anybody in the whole word except
+her old father--and he idolizes her!"
+
+Oh, _did_ he!
+
+"So you go on in there and loosen up--have a good time--and make her
+have one; and keep it up this afternoon. I'm so anxious for you to find
+something to interest and _occupy_ you--" His glance dropped an instant
+to the papers and law books as though wishing he had something better
+with which to occupy himself. "Besides," he added carelessly, "Francis
+won't be here to see what you do--gone off with Scoggins up somewhere in
+the hills--big dog-fight up there and Francis took four curs, Scoggins
+two--they won't be back till night--so go ahead!"
+
+But I had caught the back of a chair.
+
+"Dog-fight?" I said faintly. "Frances up in the hills--and--and with
+Scoggins?" And she had only left me a half-hour ago!
+
+"Why, _certainly_!" he said wearily, almost testily. "What of it? I tell
+you you've got to get your ideas all readjusted about Francis. What's
+the matter with the dog-fight?"
+
+"So--so surprised," I faltered; "so unexpected, you know!"
+
+"Poof!"--and he pushed me out through the doorway--"I never face
+anything unexpected in that quarter!"
+
+But I think he would have, if he had followed me across into the
+dining-room and had faced, as I did--
+
+Frances!
+
+"_So_ glad you didn't go to the dog-fight!" I said presently, beaming
+across at her delightedly.
+
+Her sweet lips glowed at me as her dainty fingers poised the tiny
+trident before her lips. Jove, how I envied that jolly oyster! Then she
+smiled witchingly, teasingly.
+
+"It wasn't because I didn't have an invitation," she responded archly.
+_I_ knew! That beast, Scoggins!
+
+"Umph;" grunted the frump, seated on the curve between us. "I verily
+believe Francis would go to anything!"
+
+I scowled--couldn't help it, dash it! And Frances saw, and ducked her
+head, biting her lip and blushing. I could have choked the frump for so
+embarrassing her!
+
+Yet the woman _did_ try to be pleasant to me.
+
+"Did you ever find a pearl in an oyster, Mr. Lightnut?" she asked.
+
+"By Jove, no!" I said, staring at her for the fool question. For _who_
+could ever lose a pearl in a jolly oyster, don't you know? And yet, the
+next instant:
+
+"_I_ have!" said my darling, glancing up at me the oddest way.
+
+"Have you, Frances?"--the frump faced her interestedly. "You should
+examine with a microscope the interstratifications of calcareous matter
+and animal membrane."
+
+My beauty looked down at her plate.
+
+"I _am_ examining it," she said gravely, "and microscopically. Probably
+shall this afternoon."
+
+But she _didn't_! No, by Jove, we were together almost all
+the afternoon, though we never could get away from the frump--dash
+it, she just took charge of us. And it was the same again in the
+evening. By Jove, it was disgusting--really, that's the only word to
+use--the way that woman assumed toward everybody the air of
+expect-to-be-mistress-here-some-day-and-might-as-well-begin-now!
+
+Once she did break away from us for fifteen minutes while she went up to
+see how Jack was. She came back much relieved.
+
+"He was _so_ glad to see me," she said, "and he kissed me twice. We had
+such an interesting discussion about the _amoeba_."
+
+"The _what_?" asked Frances.
+
+"The _amoeba_--tiny animalcules, don't you know, that have the power of
+changing their form and appearance. Jacky thinks that perhaps man, too,
+in the process of time and evolution might scientifically acquire
+this--"
+
+"How silly!" laughed my darling. And I thought so too. Of course if a
+man looked like himself once, he would _always_ look like himself. Any
+fool knew that!
+
+Later, the judge came to my room, accompanied by Wilkes with some
+Heidelberg punch, _frappe_.
+
+"Couldn't leave you out of this," he said genially; "besides, wanted to
+toast your first night under the roof of Wolhurst!
+
+"Hope they're making you comfortable," he went on. "Infernal shame,
+Lightnut, that I've had to neglect you so; so absurdly busy, you
+know--_you_ understand?"
+
+I pretended to, for I knew he wanted me to _think_ that, but I had heard
+the butler tell the frump that the judge was _reading_.
+
+"Don't expect to retire at all," he continued; "and then there's my
+promise to my poor boy--I _must_ keep that somehow; never failed on a
+promise in my life--I mean, you know, about wearing his new pajamas." He
+shook his head sadly.
+
+"T' be sure!"--and I swallowed hard--Jove, but the very word, "pajamas,"
+gave me cold marrows!
+
+"And, my boy, I haven't forgotten my promise to _you_, either," he
+continued, smiling kindly and replenishing my glass to the brim. "I'm
+still going to have a word with Francis to-night--that is, if they ever
+get back from that infernal dog-fight--I want to pave the way for you,
+you know."
+
+"Thanks awfully!" I murmured nervously.
+
+Somehow, I felt mean--always hate to feel mean, dash it--felt almost
+like a jolly cad, in fact. _Couldn't_ tell him how far Frances and I had
+progressed already; he might take it out on her, you know. And _then_,
+to find out that he didn't know she hadn't gone to the dog-fight after
+all!
+
+"Well," he sighed, "I will manage it all somehow, even about the
+pajamas. Perhaps, when the house is quiet, I may--_here_, have
+another--oh, yes, you must!--won't hurt you; only a pint or so of rum in
+the whole mixture. Fine, isn't it? Yes, I think Wilkes is certainly an
+artist when it comes to a nightcap. Now, let me fill yours again--_oh_,
+yes!"--and he did it--"Won't hurt a baby--make you sleep tight, you
+know!"
+
+And, by Jove, I had to go it!
+
+"Well--" he shifted as if to go, and sent me a smile over his glass's
+rim, "pleasant dreams!"
+
+And then the door closed behind our "good nights."
+
+Jenkins was studying me somberly.
+
+"Yes, sir," he said presently, when I had made comment about the bully
+punch. And that was about all I could get out of him, until he was ready
+to push out the light.
+
+Then he addressed me gloomily:
+
+"Good night, sir," he said with a sickly, feeble smile, "I hope you'll
+sleep well; and--" he coughed faintly--"and--er--wake up--h'm--all
+right!"
+
+"Frisky as a--" I bunched my head sleepily into the pillow--"as a
+jolly--" But the idea wouldn't come!
+
+"Night!" I murmured; and let it go at that!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXI
+
+THE DEMON RUM
+
+
+I _didn't_ feel frisky when I awoke!
+
+No, dash it, I had a devilish headache and my mouth had that gummy,
+warm-varnish taste--_you_ know! The sunlight lay across the floor, and
+outside I could hear the jolly birds twittering among their
+what's-its-names. Jenkins stood by the foot of the bed and somehow had a
+gloomy look. He cleared his throat, and I had a feeling that he had
+already done it several times. I raised to my elbow, mouthing at him
+heavily.
+
+"Morning, sir!" He said it very gently--I thought solicitously. "_How_
+do you feel, sir?" This last in the kind of tone you use when the chap's
+going to die to-morrow, don't you know, and doesn't know it yet himself.
+
+I mumbled reply, gulping down the glass of ice-water he tendered.
+
+He rubbed his hands one over the other and stooped above me anxiously.
+
+"I _hope_, sir, you're not in much pain--from last night, sir, I mean?"
+
+"Pain?" I ejaculated crossly. "Why should I be in pain? Don't be a silly
+ass!"
+
+"Yes, sir!"--very softly, and with a deep sigh as he dropped back. By
+Jove, he looked as cheerful as a jolly tombstone!
+
+"What the deuce--" I began.
+
+"Noth--nothing, sir!"--hastily--"I was just a-thinking of the--h'm--may
+I say scrimmage, sir?"
+
+I waited till I had taken from his hand the second glass of ice-water
+and swallowed it, thinking maybe I would get hold of it--the dashed
+idea, I mean.
+
+I batted at him perplexedly.
+
+"What was that? _Scrimmage?_ I don't remember hearing anything--_what's_
+that?"
+
+And I reached for another glass.
+
+"Pardon, sir--" Jenkins' eye shifted unhappily; "but may I ask, sir,
+what _is_ the last thing you do remember?"
+
+"Eh?"
+
+I sat up a bit straighter, rubbing my head and devilish annoyed at being
+made to try to think at all. Then I remembered: We were in a jolly blue
+aeroplane drawn by golden humming-birds and she was just telling
+me--_no_, dash it, that was a dream--just a dashed dream! I groaned,
+dropping my head upon my knees. "Why, the last thing I remember was the
+punch--punch--"
+
+"Punch--yes, sir!" And Jenkins sighed.
+
+"_Your_ punch to put out the light," I finished. Then I looked at him,
+startled. "Oh, I say, now, it wasn't burglars, was it?"
+
+You see, I thought at once of Foxy Grandpa and my darling's pajamas.
+
+"_Not_ precisely, sir." Jenkins hesitated; then moved a little nearer.
+"I--I hope you'll pardon me, Mr. Lightnut, sir; but I can't help a
+feeling that you ought to know everything before--h'm--I was going to
+say, sir, before you see the family. I _hope_ you'll pardon me,
+sir!"--he heaved desperately--"I mean about all that happened last
+night."
+
+I stared. "Oh, I say, Jenkins," I said, with an anxious thought, "_you_
+didn't--er--_you_ know--I mean you and Wilkes didn't drink the rest of
+the punch--after he took it away, you know--eh?"
+
+"_Me?_" Jenkins' hand clutched the heavy brass curve at the foot of the
+bed. "No, _sir_!"--and he added sadly: "Besides, sir, there _wasn't_ any
+rest of it! Mr. Wil--I mean Wilkes, was a-commenting on it. That was how
+I come to find I didn't have any more of the blank pledges. So I just
+walked across the park to get some extra ones I had given the gardener,
+and he said I could have 'em _all_, if I'd just let him get a little
+sleep; and he chucked 'em all out of his window. Seemed irritated like
+because I woke him up. And then, sir, I don't know whether it was
+because of the splashing of the fountains, but I had an idea."
+
+"_That's_ nothing," I said contemptuously, "I often do at night when I
+hear water splashing. I _often_ get up and get something."
+
+Jenkins' face sobered. "I _know_ it, sir--pardon, sir, I mean I
+frequently know you have--h'm--know by the glasses--_you_ understand,
+sir!" Then he went on: "The idea that came to me was a great liberty--I
+know that, sir, and I'm sorry--but I guess I was thinking that about the
+end justifies--_you_ know it, sir?"
+
+I didn't know, but I did wish _he_ would make an end!
+
+"The library windows was open on the loggia, sir, and when I looked in,
+I didn't see anybody and I thought--" Jenkins coughed and looked
+devilish rattled--"thought I would just slip in and lay a few of the
+temperance pledges between the papers the judge had been working on."
+Jenkins reddened, looking at me in an appealing way.
+
+"Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. "Oh, I say, now!"
+
+"Yes, sir,"--faintly--"I knew how you would feel--I ain't excusing
+myself, sir; and when I heard your voice I tried to get out, but there
+wasn't time, so I--" Jenkins touched his hands in front, then behind
+him, and shifted distressfully, "I--I hid behind the alcove
+curtains--h'm--and just then--"
+
+"Here!" I broke in, "_Wait_, dash it! _Whose_ voice did you hear?"
+
+Jenkins' eyes ducked.
+
+"Yours, sir," he said faintly. "And then you came in."
+
+I stared, trying to take it in. Couldn't chirp a word, don't you know,
+for to _think_ I had taken to sleep-walking--and _here_!
+
+Jenkins proceeded rapidly: "You was cording a dressing-robe about you as
+you came in and I see a glimpse of one of your dark suits underneath.
+And following right behind you was that young Mr. Bi--h'm--pardon, sir,
+I remember you said I wasn't to mention any one connected with that
+ni--h'm! _You_ know who I mean, sir?"--he paused anxiously--"Young man,
+sir--freckled face--and the big lot of"--his spreading fingers curved
+above his head--"_awfully_ yellow hair--um, _you_ know, sir?"
+
+"Oh, _that_!" I said with contempt, for I knew he meant that mucker,
+Scoggins. Then incredulously: "Oh, I say, you don't mean I was talking
+to _him_? And asleep?"
+
+Jenkins eyed me reproachfully. "Not asleep, sir," he remonstrated
+gently.
+
+"But I tell you--"
+
+"Mr. Lightnut, sir, it was the _punch_!" He shook his head. "If you'll
+excuse me for mentioning--"
+
+"Oh!" I remarked weakly, falling back upon my pillow. "Jove, Jenkins!"
+And I just looked at him stupidly--fact!
+
+Jenkins stroked his chin, his eyes fixed somberly above my head. "The
+demon rum, sir," he said slowly, and using the deep, heavy chest tones
+like the high-up politicians and expensive lecturers, "is rampant in our
+fair land--that's what I heard Doctor Splasher remark--and the insid'jus
+monster is slowly--"
+
+And he went on, but I didn't hear. I was trying to think. So I hadn't
+been sleep-walking, but had been just plain drunk--and _in her
+home_!--so jolly well corked, in fact, I hadn't even a dashed glimmer of
+memory of it. Had been making a spectacle of myself, going all about the
+house in the wee what-you-call-'em hours of the night and probably--oh,
+good heavens, probably _singing_!
+
+I dropped my head back upon the pillow.
+
+"Go on," I said. "Tell me _all_!"
+
+"Yes, sir," resumed Jenkins, "as I was saying, you came in with--_you_
+know--er--the young fellow. He kinder slouched in, looking a bit sulky.
+
+"'I've been watching for you to get back from the dog-fight,' you says
+to him; 'sit down, I want to talk to you.' But the young fellow just
+stood square in the middle of the floor and just kinder scowled black.
+
+"Then you says, pleasant-like: 'I've been talking with a friend of
+yours, my son, who thinks I haven't treated you quite fair.'
+
+"'O!' says this young fellow, and seems kinder surprised. Then he got
+red.
+
+"'And so, my boy,' you went on, tightening your glass as you looked at
+him, 'if I've been harsh I'm sorry--suppose we start all over
+again--what do you say? I don't want to cross you in anything if I can
+help it--I want to _help_ you.'"
+
+My abrupt ejaculation halted Jenkins an instant, then he proceeded:
+
+"'I say, do you mean that?' asks young Mr. Bi--I _mean_, this young
+fellow"--Jenkins stirred nervously--"and you says, kinder laughing:
+'there's my hand on it!' and then you both shook.
+
+"'One minute,' says the boy, still looking kinder puzzled and uncertain,
+'I want to know what about Frances. How do we stand about _that_?'
+
+"You just laughed sorter and went up and clapped him right on the
+shoulder and you says: 'Why, if you can, my son, just go in and win her.
+_I_ don't care!'--and you said it hearty-like. You went on: 'I haven't a
+word to say--in fact, I'd be only too _glad_ to see you succeed.'"
+
+Here I straightened with almost a screech:
+
+"_What?_ I said that? Oh, now, Jenkins, you--oh, you're mistaken!"
+
+Jenkins eyed me sorrowfully.
+
+"Your words, sir, exactly, and then you went on, kinder persuadingly:
+'Why, I haven't meant to stand in your way at all!'"
+
+I groaned.
+
+"Go on!" I breathed through my teeth. Then I straightened forward.
+"_What_ did the judge call that punch--what kind?"
+
+"Heidelberg punch, sir,"--a sympathetic pause as I swept my hand through
+my hair. "Yes, sir, it certainly must be something high--oh, _awful_,
+sir!"
+
+He went on as I dipped my head at him. "Then this young chap catches you
+by the hand and he says, 'Why, you're a brick, after all!' And you says:
+'Yes, we'll get along better now, my boy, and _you_ want to be mighty
+grateful to Dicky Lightnut for it.' And this young fellow says, kinder
+smiling: 'Indeed, I am!' And then him and you just shook hands again all
+over."
+
+Jenkins stopped for breath, but I didn't say a word. By Jove, it all
+made me a bit sick, don't you know. Oh, I must have been maudlin, that's
+what--_maudlin_. I managed to wag my head to start him off again;
+couldn't speak, you know!
+
+"Yes, sir. Then you says: 'That's all right, now, my boy; so you run
+along, because I'm awfully busy. To-morrow we'll talk some more.'
+
+"'Bully!' says the chap. 'Good night, old man!' Then he turns back,
+kinder smiling sidewise. 'It's sure on the level, is it, that you're
+going to let me have a clear road with Frances?'
+
+"'Oh, bother Frances!' you says laughing. 'Yes, yes, and when you win
+her, she'll be to me as my _own_ girl. And I know I'll have her love,
+too.'
+
+"'What's that?' says the young fellow, kinder frowning. And you says,
+easy-like, 'Why, we'll just be one happy family.' Then you chuckled like
+you was mighty pleased and says: 'And I think she is learning to like me
+pretty well already. Why, do you know what she did to-night? She came
+right up to me and in the sweetest way kissed me good night.'"
+
+"Oh!" I said, digging my fingers into the bedclothes, "Oh!"
+
+"Yes, sir!" said Jenkins chokily. He went on: "This young fellow just
+marches right close up to you and says, speaking kinder quiet and his
+eyes shining, 'You say Frances kissed you?' And you sorter gave a laugh
+and dug him in the side and you says, 'I do believe the boy is jealous!
+Why, yes, you rascal, she certainly did--she kissed me!'
+
+"'Well, it's a lie!' he says back, pointing at you with his finger.
+'Because it ain't like her.' And he got closer.
+
+"'See here,' he says, 'have you just been trying to get gay with me
+to-night? Huh!--well, I'm just going to box your jaws for luck!'
+
+"'What?' you gasps--'what's that?'--and you storms up to him--'Why, you
+young puppy, do you know who you're talking to?' you says.
+
+"'Bah!' he says, and he just goes up and snaps his fingers in your face.
+You chokes kinder, and then you yells at him: 'Why, you young ruffian,
+I've spanked you before, and I can do it again--'
+
+"'Yah!' he says, making faces at you. '_You_ spanked! You hit me when I
+wasn't looking. My foot slipped.'
+
+"'Foot slipped, you blanked fool!' you shouts at him, and then--"
+Jenkins wiped his forehead--"Then the next thing I see, you mixed."
+
+"Ah!" I breathed with relief. "That's _better_!"
+
+I chuckled. Then suddenly I felt remorseful.
+
+"Where did I hit him this time, Jenkins--did you notice? Was he hurt
+much?"
+
+Jenkins looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Um, _not_ exactly, sir," he
+said; "in fact, it was--er--kinder the other way."
+
+I stared, aghast.
+
+"You don't mean, Jenkins--"
+
+Jenkins evidently did! His eyes expressed both pity and embarrassment.
+
+"What he did to you,"--he rolled his glance upward, trying to shape the
+idea--"I believe, sir, it's what you might call"--his voice dropped--"I
+believe it's what they _do_ call wiping up the floor with."
+
+I closed my eyes an instant.
+
+"Finish!" I whispered, feebly flipping my hand at him.
+
+"He left then, sir, but the noise brought Wilkes and we helped you
+up-stairs. You wouldn't go any farther than the door of the judge's
+bedroom--wanted to tell him, we supposed. When we got that far, I
+noticed Mr. Jack Billings' door--it's right opposite, you remember,
+sir--was standing just a little open. He called out very anxious and
+shrill: 'Oh, _do_ be very careful of the pajamas! My! my! I hope the
+pajamas are not hurt!'
+
+"And at that, you just bangs inside the judge's room and in about two
+minutes, _he_ stuck his head out, looking kinder towsled and mad like
+he'd been waked from a sound sleep, and he fires a wrapped-up parcel at
+the door opposite and yells:
+
+"'There are your pajamas, you unnatural, heartless prodigal! Pajamas,
+indeed, at such a time!' And then I see Mr. Jack's arm come out and
+fish the package inside.
+
+"Then the judge turns on me and Wilkes and ordered us to clear out and
+to go to bed. And Wilkes said we'd best do it because the judge would
+take care of you and get you to your room quietly. And the last thing I
+heard before he slammed inside his room was:
+
+"'There's one thing; I've got a daughter!'"
+
+I looked at Jenkins miserably. He was _right_; he did have a daughter,
+and I wanted her. But just now, I wished with all heart that she was
+somebody's--anybody else's daughter--than that of the man who had
+witnessed my humiliation.
+
+And afterwards--
+
+_How_ had he managed to get me to my room? And had she seen or heard me?
+Oh, she must have!
+
+Well, nothing mattered now--nothing could ever matter any more. It was
+some miserable comfort to feel, and _know_, that nothing worse could
+ever happen!
+
+Why, there was nothing _worse_ left in all the world. By Jove, I was
+sure of _that_ much!
+
+And just then a knock sounded.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXII
+
+I TOUCH BOTTOM
+
+
+"Pardon, sir, for not waiting till you came down," the butler was
+saying, "but Mr. Billings was just so set on me bringing this to you, I
+_had_ to."
+
+He had entered, responding to Jenkins' invitation, bearing in his hand a
+gray paper parcel.
+
+"For me?" I questioned, as he laid it on the table, and I eyed it
+ominously. Yet it could not be the same I had sent Billings myself--I
+could see that--for it was smaller, more compact, and in a different
+wrapper. But I was _afraid_ to examine it.
+
+"Yes, sir--he's very bad this morning, sir; the--er--that is, something
+last night seems to have excited him."
+
+His eye roved eloquently between Jenkins and myself. He continued
+soberly:
+
+"He's locked me and Perkins out of his rooms again, and wouldn't open
+the door only wide enough to stick this through. And his
+message"--hesitatingly--"he said just tell you you had better get these
+pajamas back where they came from just as quickly as you could--you
+would _if you were wise_, he said."
+
+"Oh!" I uttered, dazed by this new blow. So it _was_ her pajamas.
+
+But there was more of the message--I could see it in Wilkes' eye.
+
+"Yes, sir," he went on as I gave him a nod. "Mr. Billings
+called through the door-crack--and his voice was particularly
+shrill--screechy-like--very unnatural, sir--and he said: 'You tell him I
+say he'll find it very dangerous to keep them by him a moment; tell him
+my advice is to return them _immediately_!'"
+
+Here the butler hesitated an instant and added: "And he said for me to
+try to remember three letters I was to mention--said you would
+understand."
+
+"Three letters?" I repeated dully.
+
+"Yes, sir, three letters--I did remember 'em, too, because they happened
+to be the initials of a young woman I--h'm! Q. E. D., sir."
+
+"Q. E. D.?" I said, puzzled and miserable. "What's Q. E. D.?" And then
+an idea startled me.
+
+"Oh I _say_, you mean--er--P. D. Q.--eh, Wilkes?" It sounded like Jack!
+
+
+But he seemed sure he didn't; insisted on Q. E. D. When he had
+withdrawn, I sat there a moment, swallowing hard. By Jove, when a chap
+has had the hardest blow of his life, and that, too, from his best
+friend, it's devilish hard to come up smiling. I took a deep breath and
+tried to pull myself together. I knew, of course, it was all
+over--everything; it was all over, just as everything was beginning
+with me. For I knew my life never had been worth a whoop before. Why, by
+Jove, I never even noticed how beautiful were the trees and the sunshine
+through the leaves until the last two days! But I _had_ seen it, because
+_she_ had seen it! And now--now it was all dull and flat and dead again,
+and all the world was gray! Ever been there--eh?
+
+
+I climbed heavily to my feet, for I knew, after all, he was acting
+devilish considerately as _he_ saw things, and I must just have the
+decency to do as he said--and then go. I couldn't explain, of course.
+Mustn't try to do that--so dashed clumsy, I would only complicate it for
+her. No, I--By Jove, I suddenly felt sick. Sat there, doubled forward,
+my head between my hands, as the butler retired, softly closing the door
+behind him.
+
+Presently I pulled myself together. Jenkins, as he helped me dress, eyed
+me in a frightened way, his face kind of pale and greenish. Neither of
+us said a word, but I knew I had _his_ sympathy, poor fellow--and it
+helped! Then, with the parcel in my hand, I marched slowly down the
+stairs, forgetting even some instructions I should have given Jenkins.
+
+She was there in the living-room--she and the frump. And when I saw her
+dear face and realized what disaster had come between us, I felt things
+whirling around me like a jolly what's-its-name and dropped my hand on a
+chair-back hard, until I could stiffen and smile up. But, by Jove, she
+was on!
+
+"Is anything the matter, Mr. Lightnut?" she asked, coming toward me--and
+how kindly, almost tenderly, her sweet face softened!
+
+"Is it anything about Jacky?" snapped the frump.
+
+I shook my head and just gently placed the little wrapped parcel in
+Frances' hands. My hand shook so I almost dropped it.
+
+"Some--something of yours that was lost," I said, and I knew my voice
+shook a little, too. "I was fortunate in recovering it." I looked at
+her--for the last time, I knew--and it was just my devilish luck that
+she got misty and dim. I whispered hoarsely: "Open when you are alone."
+
+And then I walked straight out of the house!
+
+A gardener directed me to the park gates, but there were so many dashed
+curves and terraces I got hopelessly twisted, and pretty soon didn't
+know whether I was leaving or coming, don't you know. I sat down on an
+iron bench to think it over, and, by Jove, I must have dozed off, for
+the first thing I knew some one yelled my name, and I looked up to
+see--Billings!
+
+He was looking a bit soiled and disheveled, and his eyes had a hunted
+look.
+
+"What the devil are you doing, sitting here?" he demanded.
+
+"I--I'm going," I said, hurriedly getting to my feet. "Just
+resting--I--"
+
+"They told me I would find you here," he said. "Here you are, sitting
+out here in the hot sun without any hat! Good thing, Dicky, you haven't
+got any--h'm!" Then he panted at me: "Say, nice way you and my sister
+treated me--I don't _think_! But I'll forgive you this time." Here he
+linked his arm in mine. "I'll forgive you, if you never say anything at
+the club about those damned black pajamas--nor in the family, either.
+Great Scott! I wouldn't have this get out!"
+
+"I wouldn't think of such a thing!" I exclaimed, immeasurably relieved,
+but indignant, as well. He led me across the turf.
+
+"Oh, I've had an awful time, Dicky! Awful!"--he lifted his hands--"Oh, I
+don't want to tell you about it--I don't want even to think about it
+myself!"
+
+I murmured something sympathetic, for I _felt_ sympathetic with
+anything; besides, there still lingered a bit of headache from the
+Heidelberg punch and I could imagine from that what _his_ feelings must
+have been.
+
+"By George, Dicky," he burst out again, "the way I've been shut up and
+treated just seems like some infernal conspiracy. Good thing Jack
+Ellsworth's dad had a pull with the mayor--tell you all the whole rotten
+business when I can talk about it quietly."
+
+"That's right! that's right!" I said soothingly, "wouldn't think about
+it at all now, old chap!" No use reminding him, you know, that he had
+shut _himself_ up. Besides, the wandering of the mind to Jack Ellsworth
+and his father showed me that even yet he was not quite himself.
+
+Billings mopped his forehead. "My, but it was hot in that hole!" he
+exclaimed. "And that reminds me--have you seen the governor this
+morning? No? Well, talk about hot! _George_, but the old man was hot
+under the collar when I saw him just now! And he looks like he had been
+dropped from a shot tower! It's this case he's working on, I guess, or
+else it's about Francis. He's found out what _I_ knew."
+
+"Do--do you think so?" I questioned nervously.
+
+"Pretty sure," said Billings carelessly. "Fact is, he's already fixing
+up to send Francis to some kind of reformatory--heard him making the
+arrangements over the 'phone"--I was glad he didn't look at me as he
+rattled on--"and, by the way, the governor told me to tell _you_ not to
+say a _word_ to Francis--I suppose you'll understand."
+
+Understand? Oh, yes, _I_ understood!
+
+"And he said he wanted to see you."
+
+"Is--is he here?" I stammered, pulling back.
+
+"Thank goodness, no. Gone to meet Colonel Francis Kirkland--say, don't
+say anything about it--wants to surprise his daughter, you know. On his
+way to London via San Francisco--arrived at Washington a few days ago."
+
+Oh, the frump's father! Much I cared! But knowing how interested _he_
+was in her, I tried to show an interest.
+
+"Colonel Francis--er--isn't his daughter named after him?" And I felt
+myself grow jolly red, for I remembered that _she_ had told me that
+about her friend as she sat on the arm of the Morris chair and in the
+black pajamas.
+
+"Hanged if _I_ know," said Billings carelessly. "I don't know what her
+name is--don't remember that I ever heard." He whistled. "Say, but did
+you ever see anything as stunningly pretty in your life?"
+
+I balked. By Jove, I had been doing some mild lying within the past
+twenty-four hours, but this was asking _too_ much! Dash me if I just
+could go it, that's all. But he didn't seem to notice.
+
+He slapped me on the back. "By George, Dicky, there's just the girl cut
+out for you, old chap--take my tip. I think she likes you, too--could
+see it just now when I was talking about you."
+
+So that was it, I reflected gloomily. The frump now was to be worked off
+on me, and I was expected to stand for it. I was to be a sort of
+what-you-call-it offering on the altar of friendship. _That_ was the
+condition upon which he was patching up things!
+
+Billings laughed suddenly. "But, oh, I tell you it would be hard on
+Francis--a regular knockout, by George!"
+
+Devilish brutal for him to say so, I thought.
+
+"Do you think so?" I questioned dismally. "Would Frances really care?"
+
+"Oh, yes," he said lightly. "Soon get over it, though--puppy love, you
+know."
+
+Puppy love, indeed! By Jove, how I hated Billings!
+
+He went on: "Suppose you never heard anything of the professor and the
+pajamas?"
+
+I had not, and I was devilish sick of pajamas, anyway.
+
+"And say, Dicky, I don't remember that I ever thanked you properly, old
+man, for putting up my kid brother the other night. He says you treated
+him like a brick and that you and he got to be great pals. So much
+obliged, old chap, because he wanted to go running around, you know."
+
+"Your brother?" I questioned, astonished, and I guess my face must have
+showed it, for Billings' eyes, first opening wide, narrowed, and his
+countenance began to gather an angry red. He stopped short.
+
+"_Didn't_ he stay with you?" he snapped.
+
+I stared blankly. "Why, Billings--I didn't know--I didn't remember you
+had a brother. I never have seen him."
+
+Billings' face swelled redder, and he struck his fist down with an oath.
+He looked angrily toward the house. Then he stepped hurriedly in advance
+of me.
+
+"Excuse me, old chap, will you?" he said, his voice hardened. "Will see
+you at luncheon--make yourself at home, won't you?"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIII
+
+UNDER THE PERGOLA
+
+
+Make myself at home! I sneaked under the quiet shade in a convenient
+pergola, and, dropping upon a bench, gazed gloomily at the sunlight
+patches at my feet.
+
+"Oh, _here_ you are, eh?" broke harshly upon me.
+
+I looked up, startled from my mood. There, hands upon his hips and
+scowling, stood--the chauffeur!
+
+I frowned, but the fellow just moved nearer.
+
+"I guess mamma's baby don't feel so spry this morning!" he jeered. "Does
+its little heady-cums ache-ums--eh?"
+
+I grunted rather wearily. "If it does, my good fellow, it's none of your
+business. Don't bother me!" I shifted the other way.
+
+"Oh, isn't it?"--his tone quickened truculently--"Well, maybe I'll make
+it my business!" He jerked his arm at me, continuing sharply: "Look
+here, you glass-eyed monkey-jack, don't you get _flip_ with me this
+morning"--he laughed coarsely--"or I'll think you want some more! _Do_
+you?"
+
+I turned my head and, polishing my monocle carefully, gave it a tight
+screw and took him in slowly, beginning with his yellow mop of hair and
+ending with the toes of his soiled canvas shoes. By Jove, I was _sure_
+they'd never been whitened since he bought them.
+
+I seemed to anger him. He uttered a sort of snort with a mutter
+uncomplimentary and strode forward, towering above me where I sat.
+
+"_Answer_, when I'm talking to you, you sap-headed fool," he bellowed,
+"or I'll wring your neck! I asked if you wanted some more."
+
+I stretched my arms, trying their muscle room in a lengthy yawn, and
+blinked at him with my free eye, wondering where the deuce he got the
+crimson hat band. By Jove, _that_ was the most dashed impertinent thing
+of all!
+
+"More what?" I drawled indifferently.
+
+"More--of _that_!"--viciously--and _thwack_ his knuckles struck against
+the iron back of the jolly bench. For I wasn't there, don't you know.
+
+"Huh! Think you're some smart, don't you?" he sneered, hitching his
+trousers band. "Now, look here"--he leveled his finger--"you're a guest
+here and I know I oughtn't to do it, and I _hate_ it for Jack's sake,
+but I'm feeling I'll just _have_ to give you another trimming this
+lovely morning!" He chuckled, rolling his lips and spreading them till I
+could see every tooth. He moved toward me leisurely, slipping up his
+sleeves. "What you got last night, sonny, was for your own sake, but
+_this_ time it's going to be for Frances'--you _fishworm_!"
+
+"Guess we'll leave Miss Frances out of it, don't you know," I
+remonstrated. _Dash_ the fellow's impudence! Then, remembering I was
+wearing a coat of dark cheviot that was the very devil for showing every
+speck of dust, I slipped out of it and looked about for somewhere to
+hang it. Not a dashed place, of course; not a thing, you know, except
+nails here and there in the wooden uprights of the pergola, and of
+course _nails_ wouldn't do to hang a coat on. So I just folded the jolly
+thing carefully--very carefully, just as I had seen Jenkins do--and then
+I held it on my arm.
+
+The chap had been shifting about me in a curve, clucking his tongue
+contemptuously and muttering, and getting more jolly red-eyed and
+abusive every minute.
+
+"Be a man!" he snarled. "You blame tailor's dummy, be a _man_!" And he
+struck his chest a blow to show me what he meant.
+
+And just then I remembered to smooth my hair-part.
+
+"Oh, _you_--" With a growl like a bear, he swept both his hands to his
+head and whirled them through his great yellow pile, leaving each hair
+standing on end like the quills on the fretful what's-its-name. Then he
+danced toward me, pausing irregularly to double over with a chuckle.
+
+"Oh, this is _too_ good!" he yelped. "But I can't help it; I jest can't
+refuse the money, Lizzie! I know they'll send me away for this,
+but--Oh, mamma!"
+
+And over he'd double again.
+
+Oddest thing, isn't it, how your jolly active mind _will_ wander at the
+rummest times; and I had a thought then of how, when I was a delicate
+boy, bully old Doctor Dake and Doctor Madden had prescribed a
+punching-bag, and later boxing-gloves. And I thought with a pang of what
+ripping times the governor and I had, scrapping, and of what knocks he
+gradually began to give me until he forced me to learn to come back
+harder. Jove, what corking hours we had! And then when Chugsey, the
+retired English light-weight champion, came to butler--_oh_, what
+smashing three-handed rounds we used to have! Bully old governor, who
+was never so busy on his sermons but what he could take a walk or a ride
+with me; or talk with me, or _fight_ with me! Why, he--
+
+By Jove, my dashed monocle got so cloudy of a sudden, I almost missed
+the chauffeur's move--_almost_, don't you know!
+
+And then--
+
+"I say, you know!" I said disgustedly, as I screwed my monocle at him
+there, his big yellow mat sticking out of sight through the jolly vines.
+"Awfully raw thing to strike at a man and leave your guard open like
+that--I _could_ have put it over your heart, don't you know!"
+
+I heard a little sound behind me and there was she!
+
+"Oh!" I gasped as I slipped into my coat. And now I _was_ miserable, for
+I remembered how kind this chauffeur, Scoggins, had been to her. And for
+her to have seen me in this vulgar row!
+
+"Yes, I saw it all," she said, as I moved toward her, murmuring some
+jolly effort at apology. Her eyes were shining. "I saw it all, sir--and
+_heard_. And just when I had hunted you up with _these_!"--and then I
+saw that her arms were burgeoning with roses. "See what I've been doing
+for you, sir!"
+
+"For me?" By Jove, it was all I could say as I took them!
+
+"And you ran off!" She pouted adorably--naturally, too, dash it. I've
+seen them put it on when they looked like they had toothache. "How am I
+ever going to thank you about the pajamas?" By Jove, her big blue eyes
+looked me frankly in the face. There was never a quiver of
+embarrassment. "It's wonderful--and to find them _here_!"
+
+"I'd--I'd have got 'em to you sooner," I faltered, swallowing, "but
+they've been lost a day or two--thief stole them from my rooms, you
+know."
+
+"How on earth _did_ you ever get hold of them? I never expected to see
+those pajamas again. Oh, you must tell me all about how you managed
+it!"--and we moved away--"I just _wish_ father were here!"
+
+_I_ didn't! Dash it, it made me squirm to think of his return.
+
+As we left the pergola behind, I looked backward through its arch, and
+there was the chauffeur, standing in the shadows, looking after us. And
+long after, as we turned from the straight avenue leading through the
+pergola, I descried his figure, still looking after us, unchanged,
+immovable.
+
+It was rum!
+
+But I had other things to think of as we sat out in the loggia--chiefly
+of her, herself; withal, wondering gloomily what her father would say
+when he found I had disobeyed his injunction about not speaking to her.
+Presently the summons to luncheon came, and we went in.
+
+From up-stairs came sounds indicating great hilarity on Billings' part.
+In fact, we could hear him slapping his knee and screaming. The frump
+looked at me anxiously.
+
+"Why, I understood he was all right again," she said aside.
+
+I shook my head dubiously. I had seen in the past day or two how rapidly
+Billings' moods shifted. Twenty minutes since he had looked enraged.
+
+"Oh, this is too good--but keep it mum!" we heard. "Come on, Professor!"
+
+"Professor?" The frump looked at Frances, then at Wilkes inquiringly.
+
+"I didn't know, miss," he murmured contritely. "'S why I didn't mention
+it."
+
+We were crossing the great hall in the direction of the beautiful
+dining-room beyond--Elizabethan, I think Frances said it was. We all
+paused expectantly as Billings rolled down the stairs in his usual
+jolly, elephantine way. And then on the landing appeared an
+apparition--not only an apparition, but, by Jove, a scarecrow, as well!
+
+Professor Doozenberry, blandly smiling--his rail-like figure shrouded
+flabbily in one of Billings' largest and loudest suits! Billings went
+through the form of introductions, chuckling idiotically the while. But
+the professor scarcely noticed any one but the frump.
+
+"Don't wait, Wilkes," Billings directed. His nod beckoned me aside.
+
+"Gentleman sulking in his tent over here I want you to meet," he said.
+And I followed him to the library. A figure pacing the floor turned
+sharply. By Jove, it was the chauffeur, and how he did scowl at me!
+
+"Now, young man," said Billings sternly, "perhaps you'll have the nerve
+to tell me before Mr. Lightnut himself that you were his guest on your
+way home from Harvard."
+
+"I certainly was!" He made the statement, chin up and eyes blazing. "I
+was his guest at the Kahoka Wednesday night, and he knows it."
+
+Billings looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.
+
+"Don't bother denying it, old man," he said. "It's all right."
+
+"Oh, but I say--it isn't!" I exclaimed in disgusted amaze. "Dashed
+impertinence, you know--never saw this fellow before the morning at
+the--er--boat, and day before yesterday when I--" I halted, remembering.
+
+But the fellow was shaking his finger at me.
+
+"A-a-a!" he jeered like a school-boy. "Why don't you finish? Bet you
+don't know, Jack, that this paragon friend of yours was up here on the
+train day before yesterday." Billings stared, for he did not know.
+
+The chap grew more impudent. "Yah, see him turn red!"
+
+"By Jove!" I exclaimed, warming up, you know. "Say, Billings, who the
+devil is this fellow?" And I advanced angrily--dashed annoyed, you know.
+
+Billings interposed. "My brother," he said quietly.
+
+"Yes, his brother," almost shouted the other. Then he lowered his voice
+at Billings' command: "And I say, you didn't tell Jack you were on the
+train yesterday, posing as a 'Mr. Smith,' and that you insulted
+Frances." He shook off his brother's hand angrily. "Oh, yes he
+did--sister told me about it! I knew it was you when I got to thinking
+about it this morning!" He panted for breath. "I can't call you a liar,
+Lightnut, when you say I wasn't at your rooms, because you're a quicker
+hitter than I am, and--" He looked around and shrugged. "And because we
+are in this house. But you're an infernal hypocrite, and I want Jack to
+know it." He laughed mockingly and faced his brother. "Ask your friend,
+Mr. Lightnut, about that girl in black pajamas in his rooms!"
+
+And he flung himself from the room with a Parthian shot: "Ask him to
+tell you about her as he did me. Ask him who it _was_!"
+
+Billings seemed to groan. "More black pajamas!" he muttered.
+
+I faced him eagerly. "I never told him about her--I'll swear I didn't,"
+I pleaded miserably. "You know all there is to know, Jack. I wouldn't
+tell anybody in the world a thing like that. I--love her too well. Much
+less would I go and tell her own brother."
+
+"Wha-a-a-t?" Billings' fat body almost leaped into the air. "What the
+devil--say, old chap, _what_ are you talking about?"
+
+"And, besides, she's forgiven me," I persisted gloomily. "And I love
+her--and--and we're going to be married--or I hope so, dash it!"
+
+Billings stared at me with popping eyes for an instant. Then he lifted
+my chin and looked at me anxiously. "Are you quite well, old man?" he
+asked. "Headache, or anything like that? By George, it's from sitting
+out in that sun without a hat. Marry my sister?" He wagged his head
+lugubriously. "What--Elizabeth? Oh, good heavens!"
+
+"No--Frances," I explained anxiously.
+
+He stared. "Francis?" Then his arm led me out. "Come along, old chap,"
+he said with an air of concern. "We'll get a little ice--"
+
+There was a bustle near the hall entrance, and I heard a commanding
+voice I recognized as that of Judge Billings:
+
+"Come right in, Colonel, and we will try to make you forget that little
+exasperation--do you know I just can't get over the idea that I've seen
+you somewhere and _recently_--Hello, Jack! Colonel Kirkland, my eldest
+boy, Jack--named after his mother, Johanna. Look here, Jack, has
+everybody on the blithering police force gone crazy about _pajamas_?
+Most infernal outrage--pardon me, Colonel Kirkland--three policemen
+wanted to arrest him on description--dragnet order, they said--for
+stealing a pair of black silk pajamas. Ever hear the like of that?"
+
+Billings' voice murmured something, and then I was dully conscious of my
+name being passed and of the fact that I was limply shaking a hand. But
+I don't remember uttering a word--couldn't, by Jove, for my jolly tongue
+was paralyzed. Didn't know what to do; didn't know what to say, you
+know, for there before my eyes, recognizable and unmistakable, despite
+frock coat and white choker tie, was the figure of "Foxy Grandpa."
+
+The beefy face, white mutton chop whiskers and bald head were as
+indelibly imprinted on my memory as the sunburn line that fenced his
+fiery face.
+
+And _this_ was the frump's father, and it was for him she was scheming
+to make a home!
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXIV
+
+THE CUB
+
+
+I didn't go in to luncheon.
+
+Instead, I lay down up in my room, wondering what Jenkins would think
+when he saw Foxy Grandpa a guest with me under this roof, and wondering
+also what I ought to do, or if I should do anything. I came to the
+conclusion finally that I wouldn't say anything for the present, for I
+had about all the complications I could carry.
+
+Presently I went down to the living-room, where they were all assembled,
+and my heart leaped as I thought I detected a brightening in Frances'
+face as I entered.
+
+Billings was waving the frump away with his fat hand. "Take it away," he
+said. "I hate bugs."
+
+"But, Jacky," said the frump pleadingly, "I think it's a _phusiotus
+gloriosa_."
+
+"I don't care if it's a giraffe," said Billings rudely.
+
+But the professor was already across the room to the rescue.
+
+"Ha! not a _gloriosa_," he said animatedly, as he snooped over the
+little greenish thing in the frump's hand. "Observe the shortened
+_prothorax_ and _mesothorax_ and--"
+
+"And _metathorax_," chimed in the frump, her head close to his.
+"Hence--"
+
+"It is a _phanaeus carnifex_," said the professor positively.
+
+By Jove, it looked to me like what we used to call a dung beetle!
+
+And then the two cranks went out in the sun with butterfly nets, and
+Frances and I drifted out to our pavilion overlooking the broad sweep of
+the Tappan Zee. As yet, her father had said nothing to me, but I knew
+that the blow might fall any moment. Only the arrival of the frump's
+father had so far saved me. And though I had gone right ahead violating
+his jolly injunction about Frances, I kept a sort of parole with him by
+avoiding any discussion of things that I knew would have interested my
+darling the most--that is, our love and our future. Later we took a
+drive through Sleepy Hollow and the Pocantico Hills. But though we grew
+better and better acquainted every minute, I couldn't help feeling
+devilish disappointed, for never once did she ever call me "Dicky." I
+wondered moodily whether her brother had told her yet of his plans for
+me.
+
+In the evening, the younger brother showed up at dinner, but sulked,
+which I thought under the circumstances was about the most considerate
+thing he could have done.
+
+Once during the evening, Billings, who had been talking with the
+professor, turned to me. "By the way, Dicky--those pajamas, you
+know--what did you do with them this morning?" He and the professor
+whispered again; then Billings turned back. "Gray paper parcel--um--you
+know?"
+
+Know? Dash it, of course I knew, but I--
+
+"Why, _I_ have them now," came quietly from my companion, "thanks to Mr.
+Lightnut. He gave them to me this morning."
+
+"_Gave_ them to you!" gasped Billings. He whispered to me: "But the
+rubies, you cuckoo--you didn't give her _those_?"
+
+Rubies? Dash it, I had to think hard to remember what had become of the
+rubies. But I got the idea.
+
+"Why, the professor has those," I reminded him. "The red pajamas, you
+know--don't you remember?" I drew him aside.
+
+Billings stared. "But he says he returned them," he exclaimed, cutting
+an odd sidewise look at the professor, who was talking to Frances and
+the frump. Billings frowned.
+
+"Haven't seen them," I said carelessly, for I wanted to talk to _her_.
+"Oh, dash the rubies--wait till morning!"
+
+Billings looked sourly at the professor and went off and sat alone. He
+seemed put out about the old boy not returning the garments. Never
+seemed to occur to him that the professor was a devilish busy and
+absent-minded old chap. Might not return them for a month. _I_ knew
+that.
+
+"Oh, really, Frances?" the frump was saying, "How exceedingly nice of
+you, dear!" The professor was occupied for the moment with a moth. "I
+hope I won't frighten you in them as you say your maid was frightened at
+you. If pajamas are unbecoming to you, why just imagine me in them!"
+
+By Jove, I was devilish glad I was not supposed to hear, for I didn't
+want to be required to imagine it. But as for them being unbecoming to
+my darling--well, I knew she knew what I thought!
+
+Later, when the evening had shaded off and the ladies had left us, we
+sat in the smoking-room talking till late. I was astonished to find Foxy
+Grandpa devilish entertaining and clever--not a bad sort at all. He
+seemed to have no recollection of me at all, and therefore no grudges. I
+had made up my mind by this time I wasn't going to marry the frump, no
+matter what came or what Billings wanted, and I would tell him so in the
+morning. But whoever did marry her--and it looked like it was going to
+be the professor--would have some sort of compensation in Foxy Grandpa's
+entertaining stories of Eastern scandal.
+
+Billings' cub brother smoked in a corner of the room by himself and
+drank innumerable slugs of whisky straight. Once I saw his father go
+over to him and seem to remonstrate, but without effect.
+
+Billings wanted his father to try my special import of cigarettes, so I
+sent for Jenkins, who had arrived, to bring some down. And when he saw
+Foxy Grandpa calmly sitting there by me, pulling at a straw, he almost
+lost his balance. But I shook my head with covert warning.
+
+"Ever see me before--eh?" asked the cub harshly, as he waved aside the
+cigarettes Jenkins extended. "Last Wednesday night--remember?"
+
+"Yes, sir," replied Jenkins, hesitatingly. Then he rolled an eye at me
+and corrected himself hastily but firmly:
+
+"No, sir; I don't recall _ever_ seeing you before, sir."
+
+Of course, I knew he had not, but the cub got up with a sour laugh. Then
+with a murmured gruff apology, he withdrew, saying he had a headache and
+was going to bed. And, by Jove, what a look he gave me from the door!
+
+"Midnight!" ejaculated some one at length, just as the professor
+finished a jolly rum but interesting yarn of adventures in Tibet. We all
+rose and I was answering a challenge of Billings' for a Sunday morning
+game of billiards, when all of a sudden a scream rang out from somewhere
+above. Then came a greater commotion--two voices raised in rapid and
+excited colloquy. On top of this another scream, louder and more
+piercing--a woman's call for help.
+
+"One of the maids," Billings hazarded. "A mouse--"
+
+"That was Frances!" I answered him excitedly, and we all piled out into
+the hall and peered down its long vista.
+
+Down one of the dimly illumined angles of the great stairway a white
+figure darted, then paused, abashed, crouching back against the wall at
+sight of us advancing. Above her sounded a man's voice, and even as she
+screamed again, he overtook her, clasping her arm.
+
+"Frances--dear, dear Frances!" he cried. "Are you afraid of _me_?"
+
+And he threw his arms around her. "Come on back, dearest!" he pleaded.
+"You have been dreaming."
+
+And under the light of a great red cluster of grapes, pendent from the
+mouth of a grinning Bacchus, I recognized with horror the yellow mat of
+hair and freckled face of Billings' cub brother. On the instant, with a
+bull-like roar, Billings sprang forward, but I was quicker still. But
+fleeter than either of us to reach the scene were the two elderly men,
+together with Miss Warfield, the housekeeper, and a couple of the maids.
+Frances darted like a bird to Foxy Grandpa, and then the figures of the
+women shut her from view.
+
+Billings and I had paused, half-way to the landing. It looked as though
+the elder Billings was amply capable of handling the occasion now. He
+had backed the youth against the wall behind, and his language was of a
+kind I hated to have my darling hear. Every time the other offered to
+expostulate, his father broke out again.
+
+"You are a disgrace to an honored name!" he roared. "And the only
+explanation left for me to offer our guests is that you are drunk and
+don't know where you are!"
+
+"Oh, father!" faltered the boy. And then he turned his black shrouded
+figure to the pale marble against which he leaned, and it seemed to me
+his very heart would sob away.
+
+"What's the matter, dad?" came a voice from the head of the stairway.
+"What in thunder is all the row about?"
+
+"By George!" gasped Billings. Everybody looked upward--one of the women
+screamed. For there, slowly advancing down the angle leading to the
+landing, his yellow mop of hair shining above the dark collar of a
+dressing-robe, was the duplicate of the youth cowering under the elder
+Billings' wrath.
+
+And out of a dead, tense silence, came his voice again:
+
+"Can't any of you speak?" He touched the figure on the shoulder. "Who
+are you?" he asked in an odd, strained voice.
+
+The black figure turned toward him a face agonized in grief.
+
+"I--I don't know," came a voice pitifully--his voice, it seemed.
+
+The cub just stood like a statue for a moment--stood as we all stood.
+Then slowly his hand went out and touched the hand of his double.
+Slowly his fingers swept the face, the hair; gradually his eyes closed,
+as though he were sensing by touch alone.
+
+Suddenly a loud cry leaped from his throat.
+
+"Sister!" he shouted. And he swept the black figure to him.
+
+Then, tossing back his head, the youth faced us with blazing, angry
+eyes, looking as David must have, when he faced old what's-his-name.
+
+"If there's a man among you, I'd like to know what this means?" he
+cried.
+
+There was a blank silence for an instant, and then--
+
+"Perhaps I can explain," said a voice.
+
+And up the stairway advanced Professor Doozenberry.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXXV
+
+IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES
+
+
+Evening had come again.
+
+In fact, it was almost bedtime. Frances and I sat before the hearth in
+the library, looking silently into the red heart of the dying embers of
+fragrant pine cones. For in the heights of the Pocantico Hills it often
+is chilly on summer nights.
+
+My darling sat on a low _fauteuil_, her chin resting upon her hand, her
+beautiful eyes fixed dreamily, inscrutably, upon the fading coals. In
+her lap lay the spread of the crimson pajamas.
+
+She was thinking--thinking--I wondered what! And I was thinking how
+jolly rum it all was; that Francis wasn't Frances, that the professor
+wasn't Billings, Colonel Francis Kirkland wasn't Foxy Grandpa and wasn't
+the frump's father after all; and that the frump, herself--bless her,
+her name was Elizabeth--wasn't Frances, and wasn't a frump at all, but
+just a jolly, nice, homely old dear, you know. And I was trying to catch
+and hold some of the deuced queer things the professor had discoursed
+upon about ancient Oriental what's-its-name, and astral bodies,
+obsession, psychical research and all that sort of thing. Somehow, dash
+it, it had all seemed devilish unreasonable and improbable to
+_me_--couldn't get hold of it, you know; but as everybody else had said
+"Ah-h-h!" and had wagged their heads as though they understood, I just
+said: "Dash it, of course, you know!" and recrossed my legs and took a
+fresher grip on my monocle.
+
+The most devilish hard thing to get hold of had been that Frances had
+never sat on the arm of my Morris chair, had never told me she liked me
+better than any man she had ever met, and had never called me "Dicky" at
+any time or anywhere. I wondered if she ever would, and how the deuce
+fellows went about it when they proposed to the girl they madly loved. I
+was devilish put out, you know, that I had never tried it so I _could_
+know.
+
+From across the hall droned the voices from the smoking-room--Colonel
+Kirkland and the judge debating something about treaty ports and the
+Manchurian railway. Through the French windows from the open loggia came
+the eager, pitched tones of the professor and the frump--no, Elizabeth,
+I mean--discussing Aldeberan and Betelguese, dead suns, star clusters
+and the nebular hypothesis.
+
+Within the room Billings had snapped out the lights, to bring out the
+blazing fire of his treasured ruby, and from the tray in the dark corner
+where he was closing it in his collection vault, it gleamed like the end
+of a bright cigar. The other four were absently clutched in my darling's
+hand and the crimson shine gleamed bravely through her finger bars.
+"Carbuncles--ancient carbuncles," the professor had called them, "that
+the Chinese believed their dragons carried in their mouths, in their
+black caves in days of old, to furnish light whereby they could see to
+devour their victims." And _that_ I believed, for I could see some
+practical sense about it!
+
+"What _I_ should like to know," said the dear, precious cub, hugging his
+knee by the mantel, "is where _I_ come in!"
+
+"You don't come in," said Billings, lifting him playfully by the ear;
+"you come _out_!" And out they went.
+
+And my dear girl and I were like what's-his-name's picture--alone at
+last, you know. She stirred softly and her sigh came like the wind
+through the trees at night.
+
+"I suppose we will have to burn them," she said dolefully; "the
+professor says it is the only thing to do."
+
+"Jolly shame, I say!" I murmured indignantly.
+
+"It seems a crime," she said softly, and there was a little choke in her
+voice. She slipped to the soft-fibered rug before the fire. I gently
+brought my chair closer to her.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+For a moment she pressed her cheek against the crimson mass, then
+kneeling forward, laid it gently on the glowing coals. There was a
+flash, a lightning blaze of red that almost blinded us, and then for a
+brief space a field of shining ash. Against this the tiny serpent frogs
+writhed and twisted and turned at last to leaden gray. Over the spread
+of all, swept wave after wave of golden, crimsoned pictures--temples and
+pagodas--dragons that licked fiery tongues at us--strange faces that
+came and went, leering hideously into our own.
+
+And then of a sudden it was all faded--gone! The breeze from the open
+window stirred the ashes to the side. She dropped back with a deep sigh.
+
+"They're gone," she breathed mournfully.
+
+"Never mind," I said; "you've these left." And daringly I laid my hand
+upon the one that clasped the rubies. And I thrilled as it lay still
+beneath my own.
+
+"Good-by, you dear old, wicked, enchanted pajamas," she said. "I don't
+care--I just love you, because--" She paused.
+
+"Because they brought us together?" By Jove, I didn't know I had said
+it, till it came out!
+
+An instant, and then I caught it--just a little whisper, you know:
+
+"Yes--Dicky!"
+
+By Jove! And then, dash it, my monocle dropped! But I let it go.
+
+Presently she looked at the glowing rubies in her hand.
+
+"They are from India, you know, Dicky--from Mandalay, the professor
+said." And she murmured: "'On the road to Mandalay, where the old
+flotilla lay'--don't you remember? I've been there, Dicky."
+
+"By Jove!" I said. "Have you, though? Is it jolly?"
+
+"The poet seemed to think so--" She laughed. "Do you know Kipling,
+Dicky?" I tried to think, but dashed if I could remember.
+
+I wondered if it would be a good place to take a trip to!
+
+
+I hitched closer. "What does--er--this poet chap say about it? What's it
+like, you know?"
+
+She laughed. "I'm afraid it's wicked, Dicky, a good deal like the
+haunted pajamas." She leaned forward, chin upon her hand again, looking
+into the fading coals. "I'll tell you what he says."
+
+Then her voice went on:
+
+    "Ship me somewhere east of Suez, where the best is like the worst,
+    Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raise a thirst."
+
+"By Jove!" I said, interested.
+
+    "For the temple bells are callin', and it's there that I would be--
+    By the old Moulmein pagoda, lookin' lazy at the sea."
+
+I brought my hand down on my knee.
+
+"Oh, I say, you know--er--Frances," I exclaimed with enthusiasm, "we'll
+go there for our honeymoon, by Jove! Shall we--eh?"
+
+And then the jolly rubies rolled unheeded to the floor. And nothing
+stirred but the ashes of the haunted pajamas!
+
+And then--Oh, but Frances says that's _all_!
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+TITLES SELECTED FROM GROSSET & DUNLAP'S LIST
+
+
+_A CERTAIN RICH MAN._ By William Allen White.
+
+A vivid, startling portrayal of one man's financial greed, its
+wide-spreading power, its action in Wall Street, and its effect on the
+three women most intimately in his life. A splendid, entertaining
+American novel.
+
+
+_IN OUR TOWN._ By William Allen White. Illustrated by F. R. Gruger and
+W. Glackens.
+
+Made up of the observations of a keen newspaper editor, involving the
+town millionaire, the smart set, the literary set, the bohemian set, and
+many others. All humorously related and sure to hold the attention.
+
+
+_NATHAN BURKE._ By Mary S. Watts.
+
+The story of an ambitious, backwoods Ohio boy who rose to prominence.
+Everyday humor of American rustic life permeates the book.
+
+
+_THE HIGH HAND._ By Jacques Futrelle. Illustrated by Will Grete.
+
+A splendid story of the political game, with a son of the soil on the
+one side, and a "kid glove" politician on the other. A pretty girl,
+interested in both men, is the chief figure.
+
+
+_THE BACKWOODSMEN._ By Charles G. D. Roberts. Illustrated.
+
+Realistic stories of men and women living midst the savage beauty of the
+wilderness. Human nature at its best and worst is well portrayed.
+
+
+_YELLOWSTONE NIGHTS._ By Herbert Quick.
+
+A jolly company of six artists, writers and other clever folks take a
+trip through the National Park, and tell stories around camp fire at
+night. Brilliantly clever and original.
+
+
+_THE PROFESSOR'S MYSTERY._ By Wells Hastings and Brian Hooker.
+Illustrated by Hanson Booth.
+
+A young college professor, missing his steamer for Europe, has a
+romantic meeting with a pretty girl, escorts her home, and is enveloped
+in a big mystery.
+
+
+_THE SIEGE OF THE SEVEN SUITORS._ By Meredith Nicholson. Illustrated by
+C. Coles Phillips and Reginald Birch.
+
+Seven suitors vie with each other for the love of a beautiful girl, and
+she subjects them to a test that is full of mystery, magic and sheer
+amusement.
+
+
+
+_THE MAGNET._ By Henry C. Rowland. Illustrated by Clarence F. Underwood.
+
+The story of a remarkable courtship involving three pretty girls on a
+yacht, a poet-lover in pursuit, and a mix-up in the names of the girls.
+
+
+_THE TURN OF THE ROAD._ By Eugenia Brooks Frothingham.
+
+A beautiful young opera singer chooses professional success instead of
+love, but comes to a place in life where the call of the heart is
+stronger than worldly success.
+
+
+_SCOTTIE AND HIS LADY._ By Margaret Morse. Illustrated by Harold M.
+Brett.
+
+A young girl whose affections have been blighted is presented with a
+Scotch Collie to divert her mind, and the roving adventures of her pet
+lead the young mistress into another romance.
+
+
+_SHEILA VEDDER._ By Amelia E. Barr. Frontispiece by Harrison Fisher.
+
+A very beautiful romance of the Shetland Islands, with a handsome,
+strong willed hero and a lovely girl of Gaelic blood as heroine. A
+sequel to "Jan Vedder's Wife."
+
+
+_JOHN WARD, PREACHER._ By Margaret Deland.
+
+The first big success of this much loved American novelist. It is a
+powerful portrayal of a young clergyman's attempt to win his beautiful
+wife to his own narrow creed.
+
+
+_THE TRAIL OF NINETY-EIGHT._ By Robert W. Service. Illustrated by
+Maynard Dixon.
+
+One of the best stories of "Vagabondia" ever written, and one of the
+most accurate and picturesque of the stampede of gold seekers to the
+Yukon. The love story embedded in the narrative is strikingly original.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Haunted Pajamas, by Francis Perry Elliott
+
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