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diff --git a/3355.txt b/3355.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ceade81 --- /dev/null +++ b/3355.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3806 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Letters to His Son, 1751, by The Earl of Chesterfield + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters to His Son, 1751 + +Author: The Earl of Chesterfield + +Release Date: December 1, 2004 [EBook #3355] +[Last updated on February 14, 2007] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1751 *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + LETTERS TO HIS SON + 1751 + + By the EARL OF CHESTERFIELD + + on the Fine Art of becoming a + + MAN OF THE WORLD + + and a + + GENTLEMAN + + + +LETTER CXXVI + +LONDON, January 8, O.S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: By your letter of the 5th, N. S., I find that your +'debut' at Paris has been a good one; you are entered into good company, +and I dare say you will, not sink into bad. Frequent the houses where you +have been once invited, and have none of that shyness which makes most of +your countrymen strangers, where they might be intimate and domestic if +they pleased. Wherever you have a general invitation to sup when you +please, profit of it, with decency, and go every now and then. Lord +Albemarle will, I am sure, be extremely kind to you, but his house is +only a dinner house; and, as I am informed, frequented by no French +people. Should he happen to employ you in his bureau, which I much doubt, +you must write a better hand than your common one, or you will get no +credit by your manuscripts; for your hand is at present an illiberal one; +it is neither a hand of business nor of a gentleman, but the hand of a +school-boy writing his exercise, which he hopes will never be read. + +Madame de Monconseil gives me a favorable account of you; and so do +Marquis de Matignon and Madame du Boccage; they all say that you desire +to please, and consequently promise me that you will; and they judge +right; for whoever really desires to please, and has (as you now have) +the means of learning how, certainly will please and that is the great +point of life; it makes all other things easy. Whenever you are with +Madame de Monconseil, Madame du Boccage, or other women of fashion, with +whom you are tolerably free, say frankly and naturally: "I know little of +the world; I am quite a novice in it; and although very desirous of +pleasing, I am at a loss for the means. Be so good, Madame, as to let me +into your secret of pleasing everybody. I shall owe my success to it, and +you will always have more than falls to your share." When, in consequence +of this request, they shall tell you of any little error, awkwardness, or +impropriety, you should not only feel, but express the warmest +acknowledgment. Though nature should suffer, and she will at first +hearing them, tell them, that you will look upon the most severe +criticisms as the greatest proof of their friendship. Madame du Boccage +tells me, particularly, to inform you: "I shall always, receive the honor +of his visits with pleasure; it is true, that at his age the pleasures of +conversation are cold; but I will endeavor to make him acquainted with +young people," etc. + +Make use of this invitation, and as you live, in a manner, next door to +her, step in and out there frequently. Monsieur du Boccage will go with +you, he tells me, with great pleasure, to the plays, and point out to you +whatever deserves your knowing there. This is worth your acceptance too; +he has a very good taste. I have not yet heard from Lady Hervey upon your +subject; but as you inform me that you have already supped with her once, +I look upon you as adopted by her; consult her in all your little +matters; tell her any difficulties that may occur to you; ask her what +you should do or say in such or such cases; she has 'l'usage du monde en +perfection', and will help you to acquire it. Madame de Berkenrode 'est +paitrie de graces', and your quotation is very applicable to her. You may +be there, I dare say, as often as you please, and I would advise you to +sup there once a week. + +You say, very justly, that as Mr. Harte is leaving you, you shall want +advice more than ever; you shall never want mine; and as you have already +had so much of it, I must rather repeat than add to what I have already +given you; but that I will do, and add to it occasionally, as +circumstances may require. At present I shall only remind you of your two +great objects, which you should always attend to; they are parliament and +foreign affairs. With regard to the former, you can do nothing while +abroad but attend carefully to the purity, correctness, and elegance of +your diction; the clearness and gracefulness of your utterance, in +whatever language you speak. As for the parliamentary knowledge, I will +take care of that when you come home. With regard to foreign affairs, +everything you do abroad may and ought to tend that way. Your reading +should be chiefly historical; I do not mean of remote, dark, and fabulous +history, still less of jimcrack natural history of fossils, minerals, +plants, etc., but I mean the useful, political, and constitutional +history of Europe, for these last three centuries and a half. The other +thing necessary for your foreign object, and not less necessary than +either ancient or modern knowledge, is a great knowledge of the world, +manners, politeness, address, and 'le ton de la bonne compagnie'. In that +view, keeping a great deal of good company, is the principal point to +which you are now to attend. It seems ridiculous to tell you, but it is +most certainly true, that your dancing-master is at this time the man in +all Europe of the greatest importance to you. You must dance well, in +order to sit, stand, and walk well; and you must do all these well in +order to please. What with your exercises, some reading, and a great deal +of company, your day is, I confess, extremely taken up; but the day, if +well employed, is long enough for everything; and I am sure you will not +slattern away one moment of it in inaction. At your age, people have +strong and active spirits, alacrity and vivacity in all they do; are +'impigri', indefatigable, and quick. The difference is, that a young +fellow of parts exerts all those happy dispositions in the pursuit of +proper objects; endeavors to excel in the solid, and in the showish parts +of life; whereas a silly puppy, or a dull rogue, throws away all his +youth and spirit upon trifles, where he is serious or upon disgraceful +vices, while he aims at pleasures. This I am sure will not be your case; +your good sense and your good conduct hitherto are your guarantees with +me for the future. Continue only at Paris as you have begun, and your +stay there will make you, what I have always wished you to be, as near +perfection as our nature permits. + +Adieu, my dear; remember to write to me once a-week, not as to a father, +but, without reserve, as to a friend. + + + + +LETTER CXXVII + +LONDON, January 14, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Among the many good things Mr. Harte has told me of you, +two in particular gave me great pleasure. The first, that you are +exceedingly careful and jealous of the dignity of your character; that is +the sure and solid foundation upon which you must both stand and rise. A +man's moral character is a more delicate thing than a woman's reputation +of chastity. A slip or two may possibly be forgiven her, and her +character may be clarified by subsequent and continued good conduct: but +a man's moral character once tainted is irreparably destroyed. The second +was, that you had acquired a most correct and extensive knowledge of +foreign affairs, such as the history, the treaties, and the forms of +government of the several countries of Europe. This sort of knowledge, +little attended to here, will make you not only useful, but necessary, in +your future destination, and carry you very far. He added that you wanted +from hence some books relative to our laws and constitution, our +colonies, and our commerce; of which you know less than of those of any +other part of Europe. I will send you what short books I can find of that +sort, to give you a general notion of those things: but you cannot have +time to go into their depths at present--you cannot now engage with new +folios; you and I will refer the constitutional part of this country to +our meeting here, when we will enter seriously into it, and read the +necessary books together. In the meantime, go on in the course you are +in, of foreign matters; converse with ministers and others of every +country, watch the transactions of every court, and endeavor to trace +them up to their source. This, with your physics, your geometry, and your +exercises, will be all that you can possibly have time for at Paris; for +you must allow a great deal for company and pleasures: it is they that +must give you those manners, that address, that 'tournure' of the 'beau +monde', which will qualify you for your future destination. You must +first please, in order to get the confidence, and consequently the +secrets, of the courts and ministers for whom and with whom you +negotiate. + +I will send you by the first opportunity a short book written by Lord +Bolingbroke, under the name of Sir John Oldcastle, containing remarks +upon the history of England; which will give you a clear general notion +of our constitution, and which will serve you, at the same time, like all +Lord Bolingbroke's works, for a model of eloquence and style. I will also +send you Sir Josiah Childe's little book upon trade, which may properly +be called the "Commercial Grammar." He lays down the true principles of +commerce, and his conclusions from them are generally very just. + +Since you turn your thoughts a little toward trade and commerce, which I +am very glad you do, I will recommend a French book to you, which you +will easily get at Paris, and which I take to be the best book in the +world of that kind: I mean the 'Dictionnaire de Commerce de Savory', in +three volumes in folio; where you will find every one thing that relates +to trade, commerce, specie, exchange, etc., most clearly stated; and not +only relative to France, but to the whole world. You will easily suppose, +that I do not advise you to read such a book 'tout de suite'; but I only +mean that you should have it at hand, to have recourse to occasionally. + +With this great stock of both useful and ornamental knowledge, which you +have already acquired, and which, by your application and industry, you +are daily increasing, you will lay such a solid foundation of future +figure and fortune, that if you complete it by all the accomplishments of +manners, graces, etc., I know nothing which you may not aim at, and in +time hope for. Your great point at present at Paris, to which all other +considerations must give way, is to become entirely a man of fashion: to +be well-bred without ceremony, easy without negligence, steady and +intrepid with modesty, genteel without affectation, insinuating without +meanness, cheerful without being noisy, frank without indiscretion, and +secret without mysteriousness; to know the proper time and place for +whatever you say or do, and to do it with an air of condition all this is +not so soon nor so easily learned as people imagine, but requires +observation and time. The world is an immense folio, which demands a +great deal of time and attention to be read and understood as it ought to +be; you have not yet read above four or five pages of it; and you will +have but barely time to dip now and then in other less important books. + +Lord Albemarle has, I know, wrote {It is a pleasure for an ordinary +mortal to find Lord Chesterfield in gramatical error--and he did it again +in the last sentence of this paragraph--but this was 1751? D.W.} to a +friend of his here, that you do not frequent him so much as he expected +and desired; that he fears somebody or other has given you wrong +impressions of him; and that I may possibly think, from your being seldom +at his house, that he has been wanting in his attentions to you. I told +the person who told me this, that, on the contrary, you seemed, by your +letters to me, to be extremely pleased with Lord Albemarle's behavior to +you: but that you were obliged to give up dining abroad during your +course of experimental philosophy. I guessed the true reason, which I +believe was, that, as no French people frequent his house, you rather +chose to dine at other places, where you were likely to meet with better +company than your countrymen and you were in the right of it. However, I +would have you show no shyness to Lord Albemarle, but go to him, and dine +with him oftener than it may be you would wish, for the sake of having +him speak well of you here when he returns. He is a good deal in fashion +here, and his PUFFING you (to use an awkward expression) before you +return here, will be of great use to you afterward. People in general +take characters, as they do most things, upon trust, rather than be at +the trouble of examining them themselves; and the decisions of four or +five fashionable people, in every place, are final, more particularly +with regard to characters, which all can hear, and but few judge of. Do +not mention the least of this to any mortal; and take care that Lord +Albemarle do not suspect that you know anything of the matter. + +Lord Huntingdon and Lord Stormount are, I hear, arrived at Paris; you +have, doubtless, seen them. Lord Stormount is well spoken of here; +however, in your connections, if you form any with them, show rather a +preference to Lord Huntingdon, for reasons which you will easily guess. + +Mr. Harte goes this week to Cornwall, to take possession of his living; +he has been installed at Windsor; he will return here in about a month, +when your literary correspondence with him will be regularly carried on. +Your mutual concern at parting was a good sign for both. + +I have this moment received good accounts of you from Paris. Go on 'vous +etes en bon train'. Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXXVIII + +LONDON, January 21, O. S.. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: In all my letters from Paris, I have the pleasure of +finding, among many other good things, your docility mentioned with +emphasis; this is the sure way of improving in those things, which you +only want. It is true they are little, but it is as true too that they +are necessary things. As they are mere matters of usage and mode, it is +no disgrace for anybody of your age to be ignorant of them; and the most +compendious way of learning them is, fairly to avow your ignorance, and +to consult those who, from long usage and experience, know them best. +Good sense and good-nature suggest civility in general; but, in +good-breeding there are a thousand little delicacies, which are +established only by custom; and it is these little elegances of manners +which distinguish a courtier and a man of fashion from the vulgar. I am +assured by different people, that your air is already much improved; and +one of my correspondents makes you the true French compliment of saying, +'F'ose vous promettre qu'il sera bientot comme un de nos autres'. However +unbecoming this speech may be in the mouth of a Frenchman, I am very glad +that they think it applicable to you; for I would have you not only +adopt, but rival, the best manners and usages of the place you are at, be +they what they will; that is the versatility of manners which is so +useful in the course of the world. Choose your models well at Paris, and +then rival them in their own way. There are fashionable words, phrases, +and even gestures, at Paris, which are called 'du bon ton'; not to +mention 'certaines Petites politesses et attentions, qui ne sont rien en +elle-memes', which fashion has rendered necessary. Make yourself master +of all these things; and to such a degree, as to make the French say, +'qu'on diroit que c'est un Francois'; and when hereafter you shall be at +other courts, do the same thing there; and conform to the fashionable +manners and usage of the place; that is what the French themselves are +not apt to do; wherever they go, they retain their own manners, as +thinking them the best; but, granting them to be so, they are still in +the wrong not to conform to those of the place. One would desire to +please, wherever one is; and nothing is more innocently flattering than +an approbation, and an imitation of the people one converses with. + +I hope your colleges with Marcel go on prosperously. In these ridiculous, +though, at the same time, really important lectures, pray attend, and +desire your professor also to attend, more particularly to the chapter of +the arms. It is they that decide of a man's being genteel or otherwise, +more than any other part of the body. A twist or stiffness in the wrist, +will make any man in Europe look awkward. The next thing to be attended +to is, your coming into a room, and presenting yourself to a company. +This gives the first impression; and the first impression is often a +lasting one. Therefore, pray desire Professor Marcel to make you come in +and go out of his room frequently, and in the supposition of different +companies being there; such as ministers, women, mixed companies, etc. +Those who present themselves well, have a certain dignity in their air, +which, without the least seeming mixture of pride, at once engages, and +is respected. + +I should not so often repeat, nor so long dwell upon such trifles, with +anybody that had less solid and valuable knowledge than you have. +Frivolous people attend to those things, 'par preference'; they know +nothing else; my fear with you is, that, from knowing better things, you +should despise these too much, and think them of much less consequence +than they really are; for they are of a great deal, and more especially +to you. + +Pleasing and governing women may, in time, be of great service to you. +They often please and govern others. 'A propos', are you in love with +Madame de Berkenrode still, or has some other taken her place in your +affections? I take it for granted, that 'qua to cumque domat Venus, non +erubescendis adurit ignibus. Un arrangement honnete sied bien a un galant +homme'. In that case I recommend to you the utmost discretion, and the +profoundest silence. Bragging of, hinting at, intimating, or even +affectedly disclaiming and denying such an arrangement will equally +discredit you among men and women. An unaffected silence upon that +subject is the only true medium. + +In your commerce with women, and indeed with men too, 'une certaine +douceur' is particularly engaging; it is that which constitutes that +character which the French talk of so much, and so justly value, I mean +'l'aimable'. This 'douceur' is not so easily described as felt. It is the +compound result of different things; a complaisance, a flexibility, but +not a servility of manners; an air of softness in the countenance, +gesture, and expression, equally whether you concur or differ with the +person you converse with. Observe those carefully who have that 'douceur' +that charms you and others; and your own good sense will soon enable you +to discover the different ingredients of which it is composed. You must +be more particularly attentive to this 'douceur', whenever you are +obliged to refuse what is asked of you, or to say what in itself cannot +be very agreeable to those to whom you say it. It is then the necessary +gilding of a disagreeable pill. 'L'aimable' consists in a thousand of +these little things aggregately. It is the 'suaviter in modo', which I +have so often recommended to you. The respectable, Mr. Harte assures me, +you do not want, and I believe him. Study, then, carefully; and acquire +perfectly, the 'Aimable', and you will have everything. + +Abbe Guasco, who is another of your panegyrists, writes me word that he +has taken you to dinner at Marquis de St. Germain's; where you will be +welcome as often as you please, and the oftener the better. Profit of +that, upon the principle of traveling in different countries, without +changing places. He says, too, that he will take you to the parliament, +when any remarkable cause is to be tried. That is very well; go through +the several chambers of the parliament, and see and hear what they are +doing; join practice and observation to your theoretical knowledge of +their rights and privileges. No Englishman has the least notion of them. + +I need not recommend you to go to the bottom of the constitutional and +political knowledge of countries; for Mr. Harte tells me that you have a +peculiar turn that way, and have informed yourself most correctly of +them. + +I must now put some queries to you, as to a 'juris publici peritus', +which I am sure you can answer me, and which I own I cannot answer +myself; they are upon a subject now much talked of. + +1st. Are there any particular forms requisite for the election of a King +of the Romans, different from those which are necessary for the election +of an Emperor? + +2d. Is not a King of the Romans as legally elected by the votes of a +majority of the electors, as by two-thirds, or by the unanimity of the +electors? + +3d. Is there any particular law or constitution of the empire, that +distinguishes, either in matter or in, form, the election of a King of +the Romans from that of an Emperor? And is not the golden bull of Charles +the Fourth equally the rule for both? + +4th. Were there not, at a meeting of a certain number of the electors (I +have forgotten when), some rules and limitations agreed upon concerning +the election of a King of the Romans? And were those restrictions legal, +and did they obtain the force of law? + +How happy am I, my dear child, that I can apply to you for knowledge, and +with a certainty of being rightly informed! It is knowledge, more than +quick, flashy parts, that makes a man of business. A man who is master of +his matter, twill, with inferior parts, be too hard in parliament, and +indeed anywhere else, for a man of-better parts, who knows his subject +but superficially: and if to his knowledge he joins eloquence and +elocution, he must necessarily soon be at the head of that assembly; but +without those two, no knowledge is sufficient. + +Lord Huntingdon writes me word that he has seen you, and that you have +renewed your old school-acquaintance. + +Tell me fairly your opinion of him, and of his friend Lord Stormount: and +also of the other English people of fashion you meet with. I promise you +inviolable secrecy on my part. You and I must now write to each other +--as friends, and without the least reserve; there will for the future be +a thousand-things in my letters, which I would not have any mortal living +but yourself see or know. Those you will easily distinguish, and neither +show nor repeat; and I will do the same by you. + +To come to another subject (for I have a pleasure in talking over every +subject with you): How deep are you in Italian? Do you understand +Ariosto, Tasso, Boccaccio and Machiavelli? If you do, you know enough of +it and may know all the rest, by reading, when you have time. Little or +no business is written in Italian, except in Italy; and if you know +enough of it to understand the few Italian letters that may in time come +in your way, and to speak Italian tolerably to those very few Italians +who speak no French, give yourself no further trouble about that language +till you happen to have full leisure to perfect yourself in it. It is not +the same with regard to German; your speaking and writing it well, will +particularly distinguish you from every other man in England; and is, +moreover, of great use to anyone who is, as probably you will be, +employed in the Empire. Therefore, pray cultivate them sedulously, by +writing four or five lines of German every day, and by speaking it to +every German you meet with. + +You have now got a footing in a great many good houses at Paris, in which +I advise you to make yourself domestic. This is to be done by a certain +easiness of carriage, and a decent familiarity. Not by way of putting +yourself upon the frivolous footing of being 'sans consequence', but by +doing in some degree, the honors of the house and table, calling yourself +'en badinant le galopin d'ici', saying to the masters or mistress, 'ceci +est de mon departement; je m'en charge; avouez, que je m'en acquitte a +merveille.' This sort of 'badinage' has something engaging and 'liant' in +it, and begets that decent familiarity, which it is both agreeable and +useful to establish in good houses and with people of fashion. Mere +formal visits, dinners, and suppers, upon formal invitations, are not the +thing; they add to no connection nor information; but it is the easy, +careless ingress and egress at all hours, that forms the pleasing and +profitable commerce of life. + +The post is so negligent, that I lose some letters from Paris entirely, +and receive others much later than I should. To this I ascribe my having +received no letter from you for above a fortnight, which to my impatience +seems a long time. I expect to hear from you once a-week. Mr. Harte is +gone to Cornwall, and will be back in about three weeks. I have a packet +of books to send you by the first opportunity, which I believe will be +Mr. Yorke's return to Paris. The Greek books come from Mr. Harte, and +the English ones from your humble servant. Read Lord Bolingbroke's with +great attention, as well to the style as to the matter. I wish you could +form yourself such a style in every language. Style is the dress of +thoughts; and a well-dressed thought, like a well-dressed man, appears to +great advantage. Yours. Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXXIX + +LONDON, August 28, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: A bill for ninety pounds sterling was brought me the +other day, said to be drawn upon me by you: I scrupled paying it at +first, not upon account of the sum, but because you had sent me no letter +of advice, which is always done in those transactions; and still more, +because I did not perceive that you had signed it. The person who +presented it, desired me to look again, and that I should discover your +name at the bottom: accordingly I looked again, and, with the help of my +magnifying glass, did perceive that what I had first taken only for +somebody's mark, was, in truth, your name, written in the worst and +smallest hand I ever saw in my life. + +However, I paid it at a venture; though I would almost rather lose the +money, than that such a signature should be yours. All gentlemen, and all +men of business, write their names always in the same way, that their +signature may be so well known as not to be easily counterfeited; and +they generally sign in rather larger character than their common hand; +whereas your name was in a less, and a worse, than your common writing. +This suggested to me the various accidents which may very probably happen +to you, while you write so ill. For instance, if you were to write in +such a character to the Secretary's office, your letter would immediately +be sent to the decipherer, as containing matters of the utmost secrecy, +not fit to be trusted to the common character. If you were to write so to +an antiquarian, he (knowing you to be a man of learning) would certainly +try it by the Runic, Celtic, or Sclavonian alphabet, never suspecting it +to be a modern character. And, if you were to send a 'poulet' to a fine +woman, in such a hand, she would think that it really came from the +'poulailler'; which, by the bye, is the etymology of the word 'poulet'; +for Henry the Fourth of France used to send billets-doux to his +mistresses by his 'poulailler', under pretense of sending them chickens; +which gave the name of poulets to those short, but expressive +manuscripts. I have often told you that every man who has the use of his +eyes and of his hand, can write whatever hand he pleases; and it is plain +that you can, since you write both the Greek and German characters, which +you never learned of a writing-master, extremely well, though your common +hand, which you learned of a master, is an exceedingly bad and illiberal +one; equally unfit for business or common use. I do not desire that you +should write the labored, stiff character of a writing-master: a man of +business must write quick and well, and that depends simply upon use. I +would therefore advise you to get some very good writing-master at Paris, +and apply to it for a month only, which will be sufficient; for, upon my +word, the writing of a genteel plain hand of business is of much more +importance than you think. You will say, it may be, that when you write +so very ill, it is because you are in a hurry, to which I answer, Why are +you ever in a hurry? A man of sense may be in haste, but can never be in +a hurry, because he knows that whatever he does in a hurry, he must +necessarily do very ill. He may be in haste to dispatch an affair, but he +will care not to let that haste hinder his doing it well. Little minds +are in a hurry, when the object proves (as it commonly does) too big for +them; they run, they hare, they puzzle, confound, and perplex themselves: +they want to do everything at once, and never do it at all. But a man of +sense takes the time necessary for doing the thing he is about, well; and +his haste to dispatch a business only appears by the continuity of his +application to it: he pursues it with a cool steadiness, and finishes it +before he begins any other. I own your time is much taken up, and you +have a great many different things to do; but remember that you had much +better do half of them well and leave the other half undone, than do them +all indifferently. Moreover, the few seconds that are saved in the course +of the day, by writing ill instead of well, do not amount to an object of +time by any means equivalent to the disgrace or ridicule of writing the +scrawl of a common whore. Consider, that if your very bad writing could +furnish me with matter of ridicule, what will it not do to others who do +not view you in that partial light that I do? There was a pope, I think +it was Cardinal Chigi, who was justly ridiculed for his attention to +little things, and his inability in great ones: and therefore called +maximus in minimis, and minimus in maximis. Why? Because he attended to +little things when he had great ones to do. At this particular period of +your life, and at the place you are now in, you have only little things +to do; and you should make it habitual to you to do them well, that they +may require no attention from you when you have, as I hope you will have, +greater things to mind. Make a good handwriting familiar to you now, that +you may hereafter have nothing but your matter to think of, when you have +occasion to write to kings and ministers. Dance, dress, present yourself, +habitually well now, that you may have none of those little things to +think of hereafter, and which will be all necessary to be done well +occasionally, when you will have greater things to do. + +As I am eternally thinking of everything that can be relative to you, one +thing has occurred to me, which I think necessary to mention to you, in +order to prevent the difficulties which it might otherwise lay you under; +it is this as you get more acquaintances at Paris, it will be impossible +for you to frequent your first acquaintances so much as you did, while +you had no others. As, for example, at your first 'debut', I suppose you +were chiefly at Madame Monconseil's, Lady Hervey's, and Madame du +Boccage's. Now, that you have got so many other houses, you cannot be at +theirs so often as you used; but pray take care not to give them the +least reason to think that you neglect, or despise them, for the sake of +new and more dignified and shining acquaintances; which would be +ungrateful and imprudent on your part, and never forgiven on theirs. Call +upon them often, though you do not stay with them so long as formerly; +tell them that you are sorry you are obliged to go away, but that you +have such and such engagements, with which good-breeding obliges you to +comply; and insinuate that you would rather stay with them. In short, +take care to make as many personal friends, and as few personal enemies, +as possible. I do not mean, by personal friends, intimate and +confidential friends, of which no man can hope to have half a dozen in +the whole course of his life; but I mean friends, in the common +acceptation of the word; that is, people who speak well of you, and who +would rather do you good than harm, consistently with their own interest, +and no further. Upon the whole, I recommend to you, again and again, 'les +Graces'. Adorned by them, you may, in a manner, do what you please; it +will be approved of; without them, your best qualities will lose half +their efficacy. Endeavor to be fashionable among the French, which will +soon make you fashionable here. Monsieur de Matignon already calls you +'le petit Francois'. If you can get that name generally at Paris, it will +put you 'a la mode'. Adieu, my dear child. + + + + +LETTER CXXX + +LONDON, February 4, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: The accounts which I receive of you from Paris grow every +day more and more satisfactory. Lord Albemarle has wrote a sort of +panegyric of you, which has been seen by many people here, and which will +be a very useful forerunner for you. Being in fashion is an important +point for anybody anywhere; but it would be a very great one for you to +be established in the fashion here before you return. Your business will +be half done by it, as I am sure you would not give people reason to +change their favorable presentiments of you. The good that is said of you +will not, I am convinced, make you a coxcomb; and, on the other hand, the +being thought still to want some little accomplishments, will, I am +persuaded, not mortify you, but only animate you to acquire them: I will, +therefore, give you both fairly, in the following extract of a letter +which I lately received from an impartial and discerning friend:-- + +"Permit me to assure you, Sir, that Mr. Stanhope will succeed. He has a +great fund of knowledge, and an uncommonly good memory, although he does +not make any parade of either the one or the other. He is desirous of +pleasing, and he will please. He has an expressive countenance; his +figure is elegant, although little. He has not the least awkwardness, +though he has not as yet acquired all-the graces requisite; which Marcel +and the ladies will soon give him. In short, he wants nothing but those +things, which, at his age, must unavoidably be wanting; I mean, a certain +turn and delicacy of manners, which are to be acquired only by time, and +in good company. Ready as he is, he will soon learn them; particularly as +he frequents such companies as are the most proper to give them." + +By this extract, which I can assure you is a faithful one, you and I have +both of us the satisfaction of knowing how much you have, and how little +you want. Let what you have give you (if possible) rather more SEEMING +modesty, but at the same time more interior firmness and assurance; and +let what you want, which you see is very attainable, redouble your +attention and endeavors to acquire it. You have, in truth, but that one +thing to apply to and a very pleasing application it is, since it is +through pleasures you must arrive at it. Company, suppers, balls, +spectacles, which show you the models upon which you should form +yourself, and all the little usages, customs, and delicacies, which you +must adopt and make habitual to you, are now your only schools and +universities; in which young fellows and fine women will give you the +best lectures. + +Monsieur du Boccage is another of your panegyrists; and he tells me that +Madame Boccage 'a pris avec vous le ton de mie et de bonne'; and that you +like it very well. You are in the right of it; it is the way of +improving; endeavor to be upon that footing with every woman you converse +with; excepting where there may be a tender point of connection; a point +which I have nothing to do with; but if such a one there is, I hope she +has not 'de mauvais ni de vilains bras', which I agree with you in +thinking a very disagreeable thing. + +I have sent you, by the opportunity of Pollok the courier, who was once +my servant, two little parcels of Greek and English books; and shall send +you two more by Mr. Yorke: but I accompany them with this caution, that +as you have not much time to read, you should employ it in reading what +is the most necessary, and that is, indisputably modern historical, +geographical, chronological, and political knowledge; the present +constitution, maxims, force, riches, trade, commerce, characters, +parties, and cabals of the several courts of Europe. Many who are +reckoned good scholars, though they know pretty accurately the +governments of Athens and Rome, are totally ignorant of the constitution +of any one country now in Europe, even of their own. Read just Latin and +Greek enough to keep up your classical learning, which will be an +ornament to you while young, and a comfort to you when old. But the true +useful knowledge, and especially for you, is the modern knowledge above +mentioned. It is that must qualify you both for domestic and foreign +business, and it is to that, therefore, that you should principally +direct your attention; and I know, with great pleasure, that you do so. I +would not thus commend you to yourself, if I thought commendations would +have upon you those ill effects, which they frequently have upon weak +minds. I think you are much above being a vain coxcomb, overrating your +own merit, and insulting others with the superabundance of it. On the +contrary, I am convinced that the consciousness of merit makes a man of +sense more modest, though more firm. A man who displays his own merit is +a coxcomb, and a man who does not know it is a fool. A man of sense knows +it, exerts it, avails himself of it, but never boasts of it; and always +SEEMS rather to under than over value it, though in truth, he sets the +right value upon it. It is a very true maxim of La Bruyere's (an author +well worth your studying), 'qu'on ne vaut dans ce monde, que ce que l'on +veut valoir'. A man who is really diffident, timid, and bashful, be his +merit what it will, never can push himself in the world; his despondency +throws him into inaction; and the forward, the bustling, and the +petulant, will always get the better of him. The manner makes the whole +difference. What would be impudence in one manner, is only a proper and +decent assurance in another. A man of sense, and of knowledge in the +world, will assert his own rights, and pursue his own objects, as +steadily and intrepidly as the most impudent man living, and commonly +more so; but then he has art enough to give an outward air of modesty to +all he does. This engages and prevails, while the very same things shock +and fail, from the overbearing or impudent manner only of doing them. I +repeat my maxim, 'Suaviter in modo, sed fortiter in re'. Would you know +the characters, modes and manners of the latter end of the last age, +which are very like those of the present, read La Bruyere. But would you +know man, independently of modes, read La Rochefoucault, who, I am +afraid, paints him very exactly. + +Give the inclosed to Abbe Guasco, of whom you make good use, to go about +with you, and see things. Between you and me, he has more knowledge than +parts. 'Mais un habile homme sait tirer parti de tout', and everybody is +good for something. President Montesquieu is, in every sense, a most +useful acquaintance. He has parts, joined to great reading and knowledge +of the world. 'Puisez dans cette source tant que vous pourrez'. + +Adieu. May the Graces attend you! for without them 'ogni fatica e vana'. +If they do not come to you willingly, ravish them, and force them to +accompany you in all you think, all you say, and all you do. + + + + +LETTER CXXXI + +LONDON, February 11, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: When you go to the play, which I hope you do often, for +it is a very instructive amusement, you must certainly have observed the +very different effects which the several parts have upon you, according +as they are well or ill acted. The very best tragedy of, Corneille's, if +well spoken and acted, interests, engages, agitates, and affects your +passions. Love, terror, and pity alternately possess you. But, if ill +spoken and acted, it would only excite your indignation or your laughter. +Why? It is still Corneille's; it is the same sense, the same matter, +whether well or ill acted. It is, then, merely the manner of speaking and +acting that makes this great difference in the effects. Apply this to +yourself, and conclude from it, that if you would either please in a +private company, or persuade in a public assembly, air, looks, gestures, +graces, enunciation, proper accents, just emphasis, and tuneful cadences, +are full as necessary as the matter itself. Let awkward, ungraceful, +inelegant, and dull fellows say what they will in behalf of their solid +matter and strong reasonings; and let them despise all those graces and +ornaments which engage the senses and captivate the heart; they will find +(though they will possibly wonder why) that their rough, unpolished +matter, and their unadorned, coarse, but strong arguments, will neither +please nor persuade; but, on the contrary, will tire out attention, and +excite disgust. We are so made, we love to be pleased better than to be +informed; information is, in a certain degree, mortifying, as it implies +our previous ignorance; it must be sweetened to be palatable. + +To bring this directly to you: know that no man can make a figure in this +country, but by parliament. Your fate depends upon your success there as +a speaker; and, take my word for it, that success turns much more upon +manner than matter. Mr. Pitt and Mr. Murray the solicitor-general, uncle +to Lord Stormount, are, beyond comparison, the best speakers; why? only +because they are the best orators. They alone can inflame or quiet the +House; they alone are so attended to, in that numerous and noisy +assembly, that you might hear a pin fall while either of them is +speaking. Is it that their matter is better, or their arguments stronger, +than other people's? Does the House expect extraordinary informations +from them? Not, in the least: but the House expects pleasure from them, +and therefore attends; finds it, and therefore approves. Mr. Pitt, +particularly, has very little parliamentary knowledge; his matter is +generally flimsy, and his arguments often weak; but his eloquence is +superior, his action graceful, his enunciation just and harmonious; his +periods are well turned, and every word he makes use of is the very best, +and the most expressive, that can be used in that place. This, and not +his matter, made him Paymaster, in spite of both king and ministers. From +this draw the obvious conclusion. The same thing holds full as true in +conversation; where even trifles, elegantly expressed, well looked, and +accompanied with graceful action, will ever please, beyond all the +homespun, unadorned sense in the world. Reflect, on one side, how you +feel within yourself, while you are forced to suffer the tedious, muddy, +and ill-turned narration of some awkward fellow, even though the fact may +be interesting; and, on the other hand, with what pleasure you attend to +the relation of a much less interesting matter, when elegantly expressed, +genteelly turned, and gracefully delivered. By attending carefully to all +these agremens in your daily conversation, they will become habitual to +you, before you come into parliament; and you will have nothing then, to +do, but to raise them a little when you come there. I would wish you to +be so attentive to this object, that I, would not have you speak to your +footman, but in the very best words that the subject admits of, be the +language what it will. Think of your words, and of their arrangement, +before you speak; choose the most elegant, and place them in the best +order. Consult your own ear, to avoid cacophony, and, what is very near +as bad, monotony. Think also of your gesture and looks, when you are +speaking even upon the most trifling subjects. The same things, +differently expressed, looked, and delivered, cease to be the same +things. The most passionate lover in the world cannot make a stronger +declaration of love than the 'Bourgeois gentilhomme' does in this happy +form of words, 'Mourir d'amour me font belle Marquise vos beaux yeux'. I +defy anybody to say more; and yet I would advise nobody to say that, and +I would recommend to you rather to smother and conceal your passion +entirely than to reveal it in these words. Seriously, this holds in +everything, as well as in that ludicrous instance. The French, to do them +justice, attend very minutely to the purity, the correctness, and the +elegance of their style in conversation and in their letters. 'Bien +narrer' is an object of their study; and though they sometimes carry it +to affectation, they never sink into inelegance, which is much the worst +extreme of the two. Observe them, and form your French style upon theirs: +for elegance in one language will reproduce itself in all. I knew a young +man, who, being just elected a member of parliament, was laughed at for +being discovered, through the keyhole of his chamber-door, speaking to +himself in the glass, and forming his looks and gestures. I could not +join in that laugh; but, on the contrary, thought him much wiser than +those who laughed at him; for he knew the importance of those little +graces in a public assembly, and they did not. Your little person (which +I am told, by the way, is not ill turned), whether in a laced coat or a +blanket, is specifically the same; but yet, I believe, you choose to wear +the former, and you are in the right, for the sake of pleasing more. The +worst-bred man in Europe, if a lady let fall her fan, would certainly +take it up and give it her; the best-bred man in Europe could do no more. +The difference, however, would be considerable; the latter would please +by doing it gracefully; the former would be laughed at for doing it +awkwardly. I repeat it, and repeat it again, and shall never cease +repeating it to you: air, manners, graces, style, elegance, and all those +ornaments, must now be the only objects of your attention; it is now, or +never, that you must acquire them. Postpone, therefore, all other +considerations; make them now your serious study; you have not one moment +to lose. The solid and the ornamental united, are undoubtedly best; but +were I reduced to make an option, I should without hesitation choose the +latter. + +I hope you assiduously frequent Marcell--[At that time the most +celebrated dancing-master at Paris.]--and carry graces from him; nobody +had more to spare than he had formerly. Have you learned to carve? for it +is ridiculous not to carve well. A man who tells you gravely that he +cannot carve, may as well tell you that he cannot blow his nose: it is +both as necessary, and as easy. + +Make my compliments to Lord Huntingdon, whom I love and honor extremely, +as I dare say you do; I will write to him soon, though I believe he has +hardly time to read a letter; and my letters to those I love are, as you +know by experience, not very short ones: this is one proof of it, and +this would have been longer, if the paper had been so. Good night then, +my dear child. + + + + +LETTER CXXXII + +LONDON, February 28, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: This epigram in Martial-- + + "Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere quare; + Hoc tantum possum dicere, non amo te"-- + + [OR: "I do not love thee Dr. Fell + The reason why I cannot tell. + But this I know and know full well: + I do not love thee Dr. Fell." D.W.] + +has puzzled a great many people, who cannot conceive how it is possible +not to love anybody, and yet not to know the reason why. I think I +conceive Martial's meaning very clearly, though the nature of epigram, +which is to be short, would not allow him to explain it more fully; and I +take it to be this: O Sabidis, you are a very worthy deserving man; you +have a thousand good qualities, you have a great deal of learning; I +esteem, I respect, but for the soul of me I cannot love you, though I +cannot particularly say why. You are not aimable: you have not those +engaging manners, those pleasing attentions, those graces, and that +address, which are absolutely necessary to please, though impossible to +define. I cannot say it is this or that particular thing that hinders me +from loving you; it is the whole together; and upon the whole you are not +agreeable. + +How often have I, in the course of my life, found myself in this +situation, with regard to many of my acquaintance, whom I have honored +and respected, without being able to love. I did not know why, because, +when one is young, one does not take the trouble, nor allow one's self +the time, to analyze one's sentiments and to trace them up to their +source. But subsequent observation and reflection have taught me why. +There is a man, whose moral character, deep learning, and superior parts, +I acknowledge, admire, and respect; but whom it is so impossible for me +to love, that I am almost in a fever whenever I am in his company. His +figure (without being deformed) seems made to disgrace or ridicule the +common structure of the human body. His legs and arms are never in the +position which, according to the situation of his body, they ought to be +in, but constantly employed in committing acts of hostility upon the +Graces. He throws anywhere, but down his throat, whatever he means to +drink, and only mangles what he means to carve. Inattentive to all the +regards of social life, he mistimes or misplaces everything. He disputes +with heat, and indiscriminately, mindless of the rank, character, and +situation of those with whom he disputes; absolutely ignorant of the +several gradations of familiarity or respect, he is exactly the same to +his superiors, his equals, and his inferiors; and therefore, by a +necessary consequence, absurd to two of the three. Is it possible to love +such a man? No. The utmost I can do for him, is to consider him as a +respectable Hottentot.--[This 'mot' was aimed at Dr. Johnson in +retaliation for his famous letter.] + +I remember, that when I came from Cambridge, I had acquired, among the +pedants of that illiberal seminary, a sauciness of literature, a turn to +satire and contempt, and a strong tendency to argumentation and +contradiction. But I had been but a very little while in the world, +before I found that this would by no means do; and I immediately adopted +the opposite character; I concealed what learning I had; I applauded +often, without approving; and I yielded commonly without conviction. +'Suaviter in modo' was my law and my prophets; and if I pleased (between +you and me) it was much more owing to that, than to any superior +knowledge or merit of my own. Apropos, the word PLEASING puts one always +in mind of Lady Hervey; pray tell her, that I declare her responsible to +me for your pleasing; that I consider her as a pleasing Falstaff, who not +only pleases, herself, but is the cause of pleasing in others; that I +know she can make anything of anybody; and that, as your governess, if +she does not make you please, it must be only because she will not, and +not because she cannot. I hope you are 'dubois don't on en fait'; and if +so, she is so good a sculptor, that I am sure she can give you whatever +form she pleases. A versatility of manners is as necessary in social, as +a versatility of parts is in political life. One must often yield, in +order to prevail; one must humble one's self, to be exalted; one must, +like St. Paul, become all things to all men, to gain some; and, by the +way, men are taken by the same means, 'mutatis mutandis', that women are +gained--by gentleness, insinuation, and submission: and these lines of +Mr. Dryden will hold to a minister as well as to a mistress: + + "The prostrate lover, when he lowest lies, + But stoops to conquer, and but kneels to rise." + +In the course of the world, the qualifications of the chameleon are often +necessary; nay, they must be carried a little further, and exerted a +little sooner; for you should, to a certain degree, take the hue of +either the man or the woman that you want, and wish to be upon terms +with. 'A propos', have you yet found out at Paris, any friendly and +hospitable Madame de Lursay, 'qui veut bien se charger du soin de vous +eduquer'? And have you had any occasion of representing to her, 'qu'elle +faisoit donc des noeuds'? But I ask your pardon, Sir, for the abruptness +of the question, and acknowledge that I am meddling with matters that are +out of my department. However, in matters of less importance, I desire to +be 'de vos secrets le fidele depositaire'. Trust me with the general turn +and color of your amusements at Paris. Is it 'le fracas du grand monde, +comedies, bals, operas, cour,' etc.? Or is it 'des petites societes, +moins bruyantes, mais pas pour cela moins agreables'? Where are you the +most 'etabli'? Where are you 'le petit Stanhope? Voyez vous encore jour, +a quelque arrangement honnete? Have you made many acquaintances among the +young Frenchmen who ride at your Academy; and who are they? Send to me +this sort of chit-chat in your letters, which, by the bye, I wish you +would honor me with somewhat oftener. If you frequent any of the myriads +of polite Englishmen who infest Paris, who are they? Have you finished +with Abbe Nolet, and are you 'au fait' of all the properties and effects +of air? Were I inclined to quibble, I would say, that the effects of air, +at least, are best to be learned of Marcel. If you have quite done with +l'Abbes Nolet, ask my friend l'Abbe Sallier to recommend to you some +meagre philomath, to teach you a little geometry and astronomy; not +enough to absorb your attention and puzzle your intellects, but only +enough not to be grossly ignorant of either. I have of late been a sort +of 'astronome malgre moi', by bringing in last Monday into the House of +Lords a bill for reforming our present Calendar and taking the New Style. +Upon which occasion I was obliged to talk some astronomical jargon, of +which I did not understand one word, but got it by heart, and spoke it by +rote from a master. I wished that I had known a little more of it myself; +and so much I would have you know. But the great and necessary knowledge +of all is, to know, yourself and others: this knowledge requires great +attention and long experience; exert the former, and may you have the +latter! Adieu! + +P. S. I have this moment received your letters of the 27th February, and +the 2d March, N. S. The seal shall be done as soon as possible. I am, +glad that you are employed in Lord Albemarle's bureau; it will teach you, +at least, the mechanical part of that business, such as folding, +entering, and docketing letters; for you must not imagine that you are +let into the 'fin fin' of the correspondence, nor indeed is it fit that +you should, at, your age. However, use yourself to secrecy as to the +letters you either read or write, that in time you may be trusted with +SECRET, VERY SECRET, SEPARATE, APART, etc. I am sorry that this business +interferes with your riding; I hope it is seldom; but I insist upon its +not interfering with your dancing-master, who is at this time the most +useful and necessary of all the masters you have or can have. + + + + +LETTER CXXXIII + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I mentioned to you, some time ago a sentence which I +would most earnestly wish you always to retain in your thoughts, and +observe in your conduct. It is 'suaviter in modo, fortiter in re' +[gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind D.W.]. I do not know any +one rule so unexceptionably useful and necessary in every part of life. I +shall therefore take it for my text to-day, and as old men love +preaching, and I have some right to preach to you, I here present you +with my sermon upon these words. To proceed, then, regularly and +PULPITICALLY, I will first show you, my beloved, the necessary connection +of the two members of my text 'suaviter in modo: fortiter in re'. In the +next place, I shall set forth the advantages and utility resulting from a +strict observance of the precept contained in my text; and conclude with +an application of the whole. The 'suaviter in modo' alone would +degenerate and sink into a mean, timid complaisance and passiveness, if +not supported and dignified by the 'fortiter in re', which would also run +into impetuosity and brutality, if not tempered and softened by the +'suaviter in modo': however, they are seldom united. + +The warm, choleric man, with strong animal spirits, despises the +'suaviter in modo', and thinks to, carry all before him by the 'fortiter +in re'. He may, possibly, by great accident, now and then succeed, when +he has only weak and timid people to deal with; but his general fate will +be, to shock offend, be hated, and fail. On the other hand, the cunning, +crafty man thinks to gain all his ends by the 'suaviter in modo' only; HE +BECOMES ALL THINGS TO ALL MEN; he seems to have no opinion of his own, +and servilely adopts the present opinion of the present person; he +insinuates himself only into the esteem of fools, but is soon detected, +and surely despised by everybody else. The wise man (who differs as much +from the cunning, as from the choleric man) alone joins the 'suaviter in +modo' with the 'fortiter in re'. Now to the advantages arising from the +strict observance of this precept: + +If you are in authority, and have a right to command, your commands +delivered 'suaviter in modo' will be willingly, cheerfully, and +consequently well obeyed; whereas, if given only 'fortiter', that is +brutally, they will rather, as Tacitus says, be interrupted than +executed. For my own part, if I bid my footman bring me a glass of wine, +in a rough insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he +would contrive to spill some of it upon me: and I am sure I should +deserve it. A cool, steady resolution should show that where you have a +right to command you will be obeyed; but at the same time, a gentleness +in the manner of enforcing that obedience should make it a cheerful one, +and soften as much as possible the mortifying consciousness of +inferiority. If you are to ask a favor, or even to solicit your due, you +must do it 'suaviter in modo', or you will give those who have a mind to +refuse you, either a pretense to do it, by resenting the manner; but, on +the other hand, you must, by a steady perseverance and decent +tenaciousness, show the 'fortiter in re'. The right motives are seldom +the true ones of men's actions, especially of kings, ministers, and +people in high stations; who often give to importunity and fear, what +they would refuse to justice or to merit. By the 'suaviter in modo' +engage their hearts, if you can; at least prevent the pretense of offense +but take care to show enough of the 'fortiter in re' to extort from their +love of ease, or their fear, what you might in vain hope for from their +justice or good-nature. People in high life are hardened to the wants and +distresses of mankind, as surgeons are to their bodily pains; they see +and hear of them all day long, and even of so many simulated ones, that +they do not know which are real, and which not. Other sentiments are +therefore to be applied to, than those of mere justice and humanity; +their favor must be captivated by the 'suaviter in modo'; their love of +ease disturbed by unwearied importunity, or their fears wrought upon by a +decent intimation of implacable, cool resentment; this is the true +'fortiter in re'. This precept is the only way I know in the world of +being loved without being despised, and feared without being hated. It +constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavor +to establish. + +Now to apply what has been said, and so conclude. + +If you find that you have a hastiness in your temper, which unguardedly +breaks out into indiscreet sallies, or rough expressions, to either your +superiors, your equals, or your inferiors, watch it narrowly, check it +carefully, and call the 'suaviter in modo' to your assistance: at the +first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft. Labor even to +get the command of your countenance so well, that those emotions may not +be read in it; a most unspeakable advantage in business! On the other +hand, let no complaisance, no gentleness of temper, no weak desire of +pleasing on your part,--no wheedling, coaxing, nor flattery, on other +people's,--make you recede one jot from any point that reason and +prudence have bid you pursue; but return to the charge, persist, +persevere, and you will find most things attainable that are possible. A +yielding, timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and +the unfeeling; but when sustained by the 'fortiter in re', is always +respected, commonly successful. In your friendships and connections, as +well as in your enmities, this rule is particularly useful; let your +firmness and vigor preserve and invite attachments to you; but, at the +same time, let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and +dependents from becoming yours; let your enemies be disarmed by the +gentleness of your manner, but let them feel, at the same time, the +steadiness of your just resentment; for there is a great difference +between bearing malice, which is always ungenerous, and a resolute +self-defense, which is always prudent and justifiable. In negotiations +with foreign ministers, remember the 'fortiter in re'; give up no point, +accept of no expedient, till the utmost necessity reduces you to it, and +even then, dispute the ground inch by inch; but then, while you are +contending with the minister 'fortiter in re', remember to gain the man +by the 'suaviter in modo'. If you engage his heart, you have a fair +chance for imposing upon his understanding, and determining his will. +Tell him, in a frank, gallant manner, that your ministerial wrangles do +not lessen your personal regard for his merit; but that, on the contrary, +his zeal and ability in the service of his master, increase it; and that, +of all things, you desire to make a good friend of so good a servant. By +these means you may, and will very often be a gainer: you never can be a +loser. Some people cannot gain upon themselves to be easy and civil to +those who are either their rivals, competitors, or opposers, though, +independently of those accidental circumstances, they would like and +esteem them. They betray a shyness and an awkwardness in company with +them, and catch at any little thing to expose them; and so, from +temporary and only occasional opponents, make them their personal +enemies. This is exceedingly weak and detrimental, as indeed is all humor +in business; which can only be carried on successfully by, unadulterated +good policy and right reasoning. In such situations I would be more +particularly and 'noblement', civil, easy, and frank with the man whose +designs I traversed: this is commonly called generosity and magnanimity, +but is, in truth, good sense and policy. The manner is often as important +as the matter, sometimes more so; a favor may make an enemy, and an +injury may make a friend, according to the different manner in which they +are severally done. The countenance, the address, the words, the +enunciation, the Graces, add great efficacy to the 'suaviter in modo', +and great dignity to the 'fortiter in re', and consequently they deserve +the utmost attention. + +From what has been said, I conclude with this observation, that +gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind, is a short, but full +description of human perfection on this side of religious and moral +duties. That you may be seriously convinced of this truth, and show it in +your life and conversation, is the most sincere and ardent wish of, +Yours. + + + + +LETTER CXXXIV + +LONDON, March 11, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I received by the last post a letter from Abbe Guasco, in +which he joins his representations to those of Lord Albemarle, against +your remaining any longer in your very bad lodgings at the Academy; and, +as I do not find that any advantage can arise to you from being 'interne' +in an academy which is full as far from the riding-house and from all +your other masters, as your lodgings will probably be, I agree to your +removing to an 'hotel garni'; the Abbe will help you to find one, as I +desire him by the inclosed, which you will give him. I must, however, +annex one condition to your going into private lodgings, which is an +absolute exclusion of English breakfasts and suppers at them; the former +consume the whole morning, and the latter employ the evenings very ill, +in senseless toasting a l'Angloise in their infernal claret. You will be +sure to go to the riding-house as often as possible, that is, whenever +your new business at Lord Albemarle's does not hinder you. But, at all +events, I insist upon your never missing Marcel, who is at present of +more consequence to you than all the bureaux in Europe; for this is the +time for you to acquire 'tous ces petits riens', which, though in an +arithmetical account, added to one another 'ad infinitum', they would +amount to nothing, in the account of the world amount to a great and +important sum. 'Les agremens et les graces', without which you will never +be anything, are absolutely made up of all those 'riens', which are more +easily felt than described. By the way, you may take your lodgings for +one whole year certain, by which means you may get them much cheaper; for +though I intend to see you here in less than a year, it will be but for a +little time, and you will return to Paris again, where I intend you shall +stay till the end of April twelvemonth, 1752, at which time, provided you +have got all 'la politesse, les manieres, les attentions, et les graces +du beau monde', I shall place you in some business suitable to your +destination. + +I have received, at last, your present of the cartoon, from Dominichino, +by Planchet. It is very finely done, it is pity that he did not take in +all the figures of the original. I will hang it up, where it shall be +your own again some time or other. + +Mr. Harte is returned in perfect health from Cornwall, and has taken +possession of his prebendal house at Windsor, which is a very pretty one. +As I dare say you will always feel, I hope you will always express, the +strongest sentiments of gratitude and friendship for him. Write to him +frequently, and attend to the letters you receive from him. He shall be +with us at Blackheath, alias BABIOLE, all the time that I propose you +shall be there, which I believe will be the month of August next. + +Having thus mentioned to you the probable time of our meeting, I will +prepare you a little for it. Hatred; jealousy, or envy, make, most people +attentive to discover the least defects of those they do not love; they +rejoice at every new discovery they make of that kind, and take care to +publish it. I thank God, I do not know what those three ungenerous +passions are, having never felt them in my own breast; but love has just +the same effect upon me, except that I conceal, instead of publishing, +the defeats which my attention makes me discover in those I love. I +curiously pry into them; I analyze them; and, wishing either to find them +perfect, or to make them so, nothing escapes me, and I soon discover +every the least gradation toward or from that perfection. You must +therefore expect the most critical 'examen' that ever anybody underwent. +I shall discover your least, as well as your greatest defects, and I +shall very freely tell you of them, 'Non quod odio habeam sed quod amem'. +But I shall tell them you 'tete-a-tete', and as MICIO not as DEMEA; and I +will tell them to nobody else. I think it but fair to inform you +beforehand, where I suspect that my criticisms are likely to fall; and +that is more upon the outward, than upon the inward man; I neither +suspect your heart nor your head; but to be plain with you, I have a +strange distrust of your air, your address, your manners, your +'tournure', and particularly of your ENUNCIATION and elegance of style. +These will be all put to the trial; for while you are with me, you must +do the honors of my house and table; the least inaccuracy or inelegance +will not escape me; as you will find by a LOOK at the time, and by a +remonstrance afterward when we are alone. You will see a great deal of +company of all sorts at BABIOLE, and particularly foreigners. Make, +therefore, in the meantime, all these exterior and ornamental +qualifications your peculiar care, and disappoint all my imaginary +schemes of criticism. Some authors have criticised their own works first, +in hopes of hindering others from doing it afterward: but then they do it +themselves with so much tenderness and partiality for their own +production, that not only the production itself, but the preventive +criticism is criticised. I am not one of those authors; but, on the +contrary, my severity increases with my fondness for my work; and if you +will but effectually correct all the faults I shall find, I will insure +you from all subsequent criticisms from other quarters. + +Are you got a little into the interior, into the constitution of things +at Paris? Have you seen what you have seen thoroughly? For, by the way, +few people see what they see, or hear what they hear. For example, if you +go to les Invalides, do you content yourself with seeing the building, +the hall where three or four hundred cripples dine, and the galleries +where they lie? or do you inform yourself of the numbers, the conditions +of their admission, their allowance, the value and nature of the fund by +which the whole is supported? This latter I call seeing, the former is +only starting. Many people take the opportunity of 'les vacances', to go +and see the empty rooms where the several chambers of the parliament did +sit; which rooms are exceedingly like all other large rooms; when you go +there, let it be when they are full; see and hear what is doing in them; +learn their respective constitutions, jurisdictions, objects, and methods +of proceeding; hear some causes tried in every one of the different +chambers; 'Approfondissez les choses'. + +I am glad to hear that you are so well at Marquis de St. Germain's, +--[At that time Ambassador from the King of Sardinia at the Court of +France.]--of whom I hear a very good character. How are you with the +other foreign ministers at Paris? Do you frequent the Dutch Ambassador or +Ambassadress? Have you any footing at the Nuncio's, or at the Imperial +and Spanish ambassadors? It is useful. Be more particular in your letters +to me, as to your manner of passing your time, and the company you keep. +Where do you dine and sup oftenest? whose house is most your home? Adieu. +'Les Graces, les Graces'. + + + + +LETTER CXXXV + +LONDON, March 18, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I acquainted you in a former letter, that I had brought a +bill into the House of Lords for correcting and reforming our present +calendar, which is the Julian, and for adopting the Gregorian. I will now +give you a more particular account of that affair; from which reflections +will naturally occur to you that I hope may be useful, and which I fear +you have not made. It was notorious, that the Julian calendar was +erroneous, and had overcharged the solar year with eleven days. Pope +Gregory the Thirteenth corrected this error; his reformed calendar was +immediately received by all the Catholic powers of Europe, and afterward +adopted by all the Protestant ones, except Russia, Sweden, and England. +It was not, in my opinion, very honorable for England to remain, in a +gross and avowed error, especially in such company; the inconveniency of +it was likewise felt by all those who had foreign correspondences, +whether political or mercantile. I determined, therefore, to attempt the +reformation; I consulted the best lawyers and the most skillful +astronomers, and we cooked up a bill for that purpose. But then my +difficulty began: I was to bring in this bill, which was necessarily +composed of law jargon and astronomical calculations, to both which I am +an utter stranger. However, it was absolutely necessary to make the House +of Lords think that I knew something of the matter; and also to make them +believe that they knew something of it themselves, which they do not. For +my own part, I could just as soon have talked Celtic or Sclavonian to +them as astronomy, and they would have understood me full as well: so I +resolved to do better than speak to the purpose, and to please instead of +informing them. I gave them, therefore, only an historical account of +calendars, from the Egyptian down to the Gregorian, amusing them now and +then with little episodes; but I was particularly attentive to the choice +of my words, to the harmony and roundness of my periods, to my elocution, +to my action. This succeeded, and ever will succeed; they thought I +informed, because I pleased them; and many of them said that I had made +the whole very clear to them; when, God knows, I had not even attempted +it. Lord Macclesfield, who had the greatest share in forming the bill, +and who is one of the greatest mathematicians and astronomers in Europe, +spoke afterward with infinite knowledge, and all the clearness that so +intricate a matter would admit of: but as his words, his periods, and his +utterance, were not near so good as mine, the preference was most +unanimously, though most unjustly, given to me. This will ever be the +case; every numerous assembly is MOB, let the individuals who compose it +be what they will. Mere reason and good sense is never to be talked to a +mob; their passions, their sentiments, their senses, and their seeming +interests, are alone to be applied to. Understanding they have +collectively none, but they have ears and eyes, which must be flattered +and seduced; and this can only be done by eloquence, tuneful periods, +graceful action, and all the various parts of oratory. + +When you come into the House of Commons, if you imagine that speaking +plain and unadorned sense and reason will do your business, you will find +yourself most grossly mistaken. As a speaker, you will be ranked only +according to your eloquence, and by no means according to your matter; +everybody knows the matter almost alike, but few can adorn it. I was +early convinced of the importance and powers of eloquence; and from that +moment I applied myself to it. I resolved not to utter one word, even in +common conversation, that should not be the most expressive and the most +elegant that the language could supply me with for that purpose; by which +means I have acquired such a certain degree of habitual eloquence, that I +must now really take some pains, if, I would express myself very +inelegantly. I want to inculcate this known truth into you, which, you +seem by no means to be convinced of yet, that ornaments are at present +your only objects. Your sole business now is to shine, not to weigh. +Weight without lustre is lead. You had better talk trifles elegantly to +the most trifling woman, than coarse in elegant sense to the most solid +man; you had better, return a dropped fan genteelly, than give a thousand +pounds awkwardly; and you had better refuse a favor gracefully, than to +grant it clumsily. Manner is all, in everything: it is by manner only +that you can please, and consequently rise. All your Greek will never +advance you from secretary to envoy, or from envoy to ambassador; but +your address, your manner, your air, if good, very probably may. Marcel +can be of much more use to you than Aristotle. I would, upon my word, +much rather that you had Lord Bolingbroke's style and eloquence in +speaking and writing, than all the learning of the Academy of Sciences, +the Royal Society, and the two Universities united. + +Having mentioned Lord Bolingbroke's style, which is, undoubtedly, +infinitely superior to anybody's, I would have you read his works, which +you have, over and-over again, with particular attention to his style. +Transcribe, imitate, emulate it, if possible: that would be of real use +to you in the House of Commons, in negotiations, in conversation; with +that, you may justly hope to please, to persuade, to seduce, to impose; +and you will fail in those articles, in proportion as you fall short of +it. Upon the whole, lay aside, during your year's residence at Paris, all +thoughts of all that dull fellows call solid, and exert your utmost care +to acquire what people of fashion call shining. 'Prenez l'eclat et le +brillant d'un galant homme'. + +Among the commonly called little things, to which you, do not attend, +your handwriting is one, which is indeed shamefully bad and illiberal; it +is neither the hand of a man of business, nor of a gentleman, but of a +truant school-boy; as soon, therefore, as you have done with Abbe Nolet, +pray get an excellent writing-master (since you think that you cannot +teach yourself to write what hand you please), and let him teach you to +write a genteel, legible, liberal hand, and quick; not the hand of a +procureur or a writing-master, but that sort of hand in which the first +'Commis' in foreign bureaus commonly write; for I tell you truly, that +were I Lord Albemarle, nothing should remain in my bureau written in your +present hand. From hand to arms the transition is natural; is the +carriage and motion of your arms so too? The motion of the arms is the +most material part of a man's air, especially in dancing; the feet are +not near so material. If a man dances well from the waist upward, wears +his hat well, and moves his head properly, he dances well. Do the women +say that you dress well? for that is necessary too for a young fellow. +Have you 'un gout vif', or a passion for anybody? I do not ask for whom: +an Iphigenia would both give you the desire, and teach you the means to +please. + +In a fortnight or three weeks you will see Sir Charles Hotham at Paris, +in his way to Toulouse, where he is to stay a year or two. Pray be very +civil to him, but do not carry him into company, except presenting him to +Lord Albemarle; for, as he is not to stay at Paris above a week, we do +not desire that he should taste of that dissipation: you may show him a +play and an opera. Adieu, my dear child. + + + + +LETTER CXXXVI + +LONDON, March 25, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: What a happy period of your life is this? Pleasure is +now, and ought to be, your business. While you were younger, dry rules, +and unconnected words, were the unpleasant objects of your labors. When +you grow older, the anxiety, the vexations, the disappointments +inseparable from public business, will require the greatest share of your +time and attention; your pleasures may, indeed, conduce to your business, +and your business will quicken your pleasures; but still your time must, +at least, be divided: whereas now it is wholly your own, and cannot be so +well employed as in the pleasures of a gentleman. The world is now the +only book you want, and almost the only one you ought to read: that +necessary book can only be read in company, in public places, at meals, +and in 'ruelles'. You must be in the pleasures, in order to learn the +manners of good company. In premeditated, or in formal business, people +conceal, or at least endeavor to conceal, their characters: whereas +pleasures discover them, and the heart breaks out through the guard of +the understanding. Those are often propitious moments for skillful +negotiators to improve. In your destination particularly, the able +conduct of pleasures is of infinite use; to keep a good table, and to do +the honors of it gracefully, and 'sur le ton de la bonne compagnie', is +absolutely necessary for a foreign minister. There is a certain light +table chit-chat, useful to keep off improper and too serious subjects, +which is only to be learned in the pleasures of good company. In truth it +may be trifling; but, trifling as it is, a man of parts and experience of +the world will give an agreeable turn to it. 'L'art de badiner +agreablement' is by no means to be despised. + +An engaging address, and turn to gallantry, is often of very great +service to foreign ministers. Women have, directly or indirectly; a good +deal to say in most courts. The late Lord Strafford governed, for a +considerable time, the Court of Berlin and made his own fortune, by being +well with Madame de Wartenberg, the first King of Prussia's mistress. I +could name many other instances of that kind. That sort of agreeable +'caquet de femmes', the necessary fore-runners of closer conferences, is +only to be got by frequenting women of the first fashion, 'et, qui +donnent le ton'. Let every other book then give way to this great and +necessary book, the world, of which there are so many various readings, +that it requires a great deal of time and attention to under stand it +well: contrary to all other books, you must not stay home, but go abroad +to read it; and when you seek it abroad, you will not find it in +booksellers' shops and stalls, but in courts, in hotels, at +entertainments, balls, assemblies, spectacles, etc. Put yourself upon the +footing of an easy, domestic, but polite familiarity and intimacy in the +several French houses to which you have been introduced: Cultivate them, +frequent them, and show a desire of becoming 'enfant de la maison'. Get +acquainted as much as you can with 'les gens de cour'; and observe, +carefully, how politely they can differ, and how civilly they can hate; +how easy and idle they can seem in the multiplicity of their business; +and how they can lay hold of the proper moments to carry it on, in the +midst of their pleasures. Courts, alone, teach versatility and +politeness; for there is no living there without them. Lord Albermarle +has, I hear, and am very glad of it, put you into the hands of Messieurs +de Bissy. Profit of that, and beg of them to let you attend them in all +the companies of Versailles and Paris. One of them, at least, will +naturally carry you to Madame de la Valiores, unless he is discarded by +this time, and Gelliot--[A famous opera-singer at Paris.]--retaken. Tell +them frankly, 'que vous cherchez a vous former, que vous etes en mains de +maitres, s'ils veulent bien s'en donner la peine'. Your profession has +this agreeable peculiarity in it, which is, that it is connected with, +and promoted by pleasures; and it is the only one in which a thorough +knowledge of the world, polite manners, and an engaging address, are +absolutely necessary. If a lawyer knows his law, a parson his divinity, +and a financier his calculations, each may make a figure and a fortune in +his profession, without great knowledge of the world, and without the +manners of gentlemen. But your profession throws you into all the +intrigues and cabals, as well as pleasures, of courts: in those windings +and labyrinths, a knowledge of the world, a discernment of characters, a +suppleness and versatility of mind, and an elegance of manners, must be +your clue; you must know how to soothe and lull the monsters that guard, +and how to address and gain the fair that keep, the golden fleece. These +are the arts and the accomplishments absolutely necessary for a foreign +minister; in which it must be owned, to our shame, that most other +nations outdo the English; and, 'caeteris paribus', a French minister +will get the better of an English one at any third court in Europe. The +French have something more 'liant', more insinuating and engaging in +their manner, than we have. An English minister shall have resided seven +years at a court, without having made any one personal connection there, +or without being intimate and domestic in any one house. He is always the +English minister, and never naturalized. He receives his orders, demands +an audience, writes an account of it to his Court, and his business is +done. A French minister, on the contrary, has not been six weeks at a +court without having, by a thousand little attentions, insinuated himself +into some degree of favor with the Prince, his wife, his mistress, his +favorite, and his minister. He has established himself upon a familiar +and domestic footing in a dozen of the best houses of the place, where he +has accustomed the people to be not only easy, but unguarded, before him; +he makes himself at home there, and they think him so. By these means he +knows the interior of those courts, and can almost write prophecies to +his own, from the knowledge he has of the characters, the humors, the +abilities, or the weaknesses of the actors. The Cardinal d'Ossat was +looked upon at Rome as an Italian, and not as a French cardinal; and +Monsieur d'Avaux, wherever he went, was never considered as a foreign +minister, but as a native, and a personal friend. Mere plain truth, +sense, and knowledge, will by no means do alone in courts; art and +ornaments must come to their assistance. Humors must be flattered; the +'mollia tempora' must be studied and known: confidence acquired by +seeming frankness, and profited of by silent skill. And, above all; you +must gain and engage the heart, to betray the understanding to you. 'Ha +tibi erunt artes'. + +The death of the Prince of Wales, who was more beloved for his affability +and good-nature than esteemed for his steadiness and conduct, has given +concern to many, and apprehensions to all. The great difference of the +ages of the King and Prince George presents the prospect of a minority; a +disagreeable prospect for any nation! But it is to be hoped, and is most +probable, that the King, who is now perfectly recovered of his late +indisposition, may live to see his grandson of age. He is, seriously, a +most hopeful boy: gentle and good-natured, with good sound sense. This +event has made all sorts of people here historians, as well as +politicians. Our histories are rummaged for all the particular +circumstances of the six minorities we have had since the Conquest, viz, +those of Henry III., Edward III., Richard II., Henry VI., Edward V., and +Edward VI.; and the reasonings, the speculations, the conjectures, and +the predictions, you will easily imagine, must be innumerable and +endless, in this nation, where every porter is a consummate politician. +Dr. Swift says, very humorously, that "Every man knows that he +understands religion and politics, though he never learned them; but that +many people are conscious that they do not understand many other +sciences, from having never learned them." Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXXXVII + +LONDON, April 7, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Here you have, altogether, the pocketbooks, the +compasses, and the patterns. When your three Graces have made their +option, you need only send me, in a letter small pieces of the three +mohairs they fix upon. If I can find no way of sending them safely and +directly to Paris, I will contrive to have them left with Madame Morel, +at Calais, who, being Madame Monconseil's agent there, may find means of +furthering them to your three ladies, who all belong to your friend +Madame Monconseil. Two of the three, I am told, are handsome; Madame +Polignac, I can swear, is not so; but, however, as the world goes, two +out of three is a very good composition. + +You will also find in the packet a compass ring set round with little +diamonds, which I advise you to make a present of to Abbe Guasco, who has +been useful to you, and will continue to be so; as it is a mere bauble, +you must add to the value of it by your manner of giving it him. Show it +him first, and, when he commends it, as probably he will, tell him that +it is at his service, 'et que comme il est toujours par vole et par +chemins, il est absolument necessaire qu'il ale une boussole'. All those +little gallantries depend entirely upon the manner of doing them; as, in +truth, what does not? The greatest favors may be done so awkwardly and +bunglingly as to offend; and disagreeable things may be done so agreeably +as almost to oblige. Endeavor to acquire this great secret; it exists, it +is to be found, and is worth a great deal more than the grand secret of +the alchemists would be if it were, as it is not, to be found. This is +only to be learned in courts, where clashing views, jarring opinions, and +cordial hatreds, are softened and kept within decent bounds by politeness +and manners. Frequent, observe, and learn courts. Are you free of that of +St. Cloud? Are you often at Versailles? Insinuate and wriggle yourself +into favor at those places. L'Abbe de la Ville, my old friend, will help +you at the latter; your three ladies may establish you in the former. The +good-breeding 'de la ville et de la cour' [of the city and of the court] +are different; but without deciding which is intrinsically the best, that +of the court is, without doubt, the most necessary for you, who are to +live, to grow, and to rise in courts. In two years' time, which will be +as soon as you are fit for it, I hope to be able to plant you in the soil +of a YOUNG COURT here: where, if you have all the address, the suppleness +and versatility of a good courtier, you will have a great chance of +thriving and flourishing. Young favor is easily acquired if the proper +means are employed; and, when acquired, it is warm, if not durable; and +the warm moments must be snatched and improved. 'Quitte pour ce qui en +pent arriver apres'. Do not mention this view of mine for you to any one +mortal; but learn to keep your own secrets, which, by the way, very few +people can do. + +If your course of experimental philosophy with Abbe Nolot is over, I +would have you apply to Abbe Sallier, for a master to give you a general +notion of astronomy and geometry; of both of which you may know as much, +as I desire you should, in six months' time. I only desire that you +should have a clear notion of the present planetary system, and the +history of all the former systems. Fontenelle's 'Pluralites des Mondes' +will almost teach you all you need know upon that subject. As for +geometry, the seven first books of Euclid will be a sufficient portion of +it for you. It is right to have a general notion of those abstruse +sciences, so as not to appear quite ignorant of them, when they happen, +as sometimes they do, to be the topics of conversation; but a deep +knowledge of them requires too much time, and engrosses the mind too +much. I repeat it again and again to you, Let the great book of the world +be your principal study. 'Nocturna versate manu, versate diurna'; which +may be rendered thus in English: Turn Over MEN BY DAY, AND WOMEN BY +NIGHT. I mean only the best editions. + +Whatever may be said at Paris of my speech upon the bill for the +reformation of the present calendar, or whatever applause it may have met +with here, the whole, I can assure you, is owing to the words and to the +delivery, but by no means to the matter; which, as I told you in a former +letter, I was not master of. I mention this again, to show you the +importance of well-chosen words, harmonious periods, and good delivery; +for, between you and me, Lord Macclefield's speech was, in truth, worth a +thousand of mine. It will soon be printed, and I will send it you. It is +very instructive. You say, that you wish to speak but half as well as I +did; you may easily speak full as well as ever I did, if you will but +give the same attention to the same objects that I did at your age, and +for many years afterward; I mean correctness, purity, and elegance of +style, harmony of periods, and gracefulness of delivery. Read over and +over again the third book of 'Cicero de Oratore', in which he +particularly treats of the ornamental parts of oratory; they are indeed +properly oratory, for all the rest depends only upon common sense, and +some knowledge of the subject you speak upon. But if you would please, +persuade, and prevail in speaking, it must be by the ornamental parts of +oratory. Make them therefore habitual to you; and resolve never to say +the most common things, even to your footman, but in the best words you +can find, and with the best utterance. This, with 'les manieres, la +tournure, et les usages du beau monde', are the only two things you want; +fortunately, they are both in your power; may you have them both! Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXXXVIII + +LONDON, April 15, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: What success with the graces, and in the accomplishments, +elegancies, and all those little nothings so indispensably necessary to +constitute an amiable man? Do you take them, do you make a progress in +them? The great secret is the art of pleasing; and that art is to be +attained by every man who has a good fund of common sense. If you are +pleased with any person, examine why; do as he does; and you will charm +others by the same things which please you in him. To be liked by women, +you must be esteemed by men; and to please men, you must be agreeable to +women. Vanity is unquestionably the ruling passion in women; and it is +much flattered by the attentions of a man who is generally esteemed by +men; when his merit has received the stamp of their approbation, women +make it current, that is to say, put him in fashion. On the other hand, +if a man has not received the last polish from women, he may be estimable +among men, but will never be amiable. The concurrence of the two sexes is +as necessary to the perfection of our being, as to the formation of it. +Go among women with the good qualities of your sex, and you will acquire +from them the softness and the graces of theirs. Men will then add +affection to the esteem which they before had for you. Women are the only +refiners of the merit of men; it is true, they cannot add weight, but +they polish and give lustre to it. 'A propos', I am assured, that Madame +de Blot, although she has no great regularity of features, is, +notwithstanding, excessively pretty; and that, for all that, she has as +yet been scrupulously constant to her husband, though she has now been +married above a year. Surely she does not reflect, that woman wants +polishing. I would have you polish one another reciprocally. Force, +assiduities, attentions, tender looks, and passionate declarations, on +your side will produce some irresolute wishes, at least, on hers; and +when even the slightest wishes arise, the rest will soon follow. + +As I take you to be the greatest 'juris peritus' and politician of the +whole Germanic body, I suppose you will have read the King of Prussia's +letter to the Elector of Mayence, upon the election of a King of the +Romans; and on the other side, a memorial entitled, IMPARTIAL +REPRESENTATION OF WHAT IS JUST WITH REGARD TO THE ELECTION OF A KING OF +THE ROMANS, etc. The first is extremely well written, but not grounded +upon the laws and customs of the empire. The second is very ill written +(at least in French), but well grounded. I fancy the author is some +German, who has taken into his head that he understands French. I am, +however, persuaded that the elegance and delicacy of the King of +Prussia's letter will prevail with two-thirds of the public, in spite of +the solidity and truth contained in the other piece. Such is the force of +an elegant and delicate style! + +I wish you would be so good as to give me a more particular and +circumstantial account of the method of passing your time at Paris. For +instance, where it is that you dine every Friday, in company with that +amiable and respectable old man, Fontenelle? Which is the house where you +think yourself at home? For one always has such a one, where one is +better established, and more at ease than anywhere else. Who are the +young Frenchmen with whom you are most intimately connected? Do you +frequent the Dutch Ambassador's. Have you penetrated yet into Count +Caunitz's house? Has Monsieur de Pignatelli the honor of being one of +your humble servants? And has the Pope's nuncio included you in the +jubilee? Tell me also freely how you are with Lord Huntingdon: Do you see +him often? Do you connect yourself with him? Answer all these questions +circumstantially in your first letter. + +I am told that Du Clos's book is not in vogue at Paris, and that it is +violently criticised: I suppose that is because one understands it; and +being intelligible is now no longer the fashion. I have a very great +respect for fashion, but a much greater for this book; which is, all at +once, true, solid, and bright. It contains even epigrams; what can one +wish for more? + +Mr.------will, I suppose, have left Paris by this time for his residence +at Toulouse. I hope he will acquire manners there; I am sure he wants +them. He is awkward, he is silent, and has nothing agreeable in his +address,--most necessary qualifications to distinguish one's self in +business, as well as in the POLITE WORLD! In truth, these two things are +so connected, that a man cannot make a figure in business, who is not +qualified to shine in the great world; and to succeed perfectly in either +the one or the other, one must be in 'utrumque paratus'. May you be that, +my dear friend! and so we wish you a good night. + +P. S. Lord and Lady Blessington, with their son Lord Mountjoy, will be at +Paris next week, in their way to the south of France; I send you a little +packet of books by them. Pray go wait upon them, as soon as you hear of +their arrival, and show them all the attentions you can. + + + + +LETTER CXXXIX + +LONDON, April 22, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I apply to you now, as to the greatest virtuoso of this, +or perhaps any other age; one whose superior judgment and distinguishing +eye hindered the King of Poland from buying a bad picture at Venice, and +whose decisions in the realms of 'virtu' are final, and without appeal. +Now to the point. I have had a catalogue sent me, 'd'une Trente a +l'aimable de Tableaux des plus Grands Maitres, appartenans au Sieur +Araignon Aperen, valet de chambre de la Reine, sur le quai de la +Megisserie, au coin de Arche Marion'. There I observe two large pictures +of Titian, as described in the inclosed page of the catalogue, No. 18, +which I should be glad to purchase upon two conditions: the first is, +that they be undoubted originals of Titian, in good preservation; and the +other that they come cheap. To ascertain the first (but without +disparaging your skill), I wish you would get some undoubted connoisseurs +to examine them carefully: and if, upon such critical examination, they +should be unanimously allowed to be undisputed originals of Titian, and +well preserved, then comes the second point, the price: I will not go +above two hundred pounds sterling for the two together; but as much less +as you can get them for. I acknowledge that two hundred pounds seems to +be a very small sum for two undoubted Titians of that size; but, on the +other hand, as large Italian pictures are now out of fashion at Paris, +where fashion decides of everything, and as these pictures are too large +for common rooms, they may possibly come within the price above limited. +I leave the whole of this transaction (the price excepted, which I will +not exceed) to your consummate skill and prudence, with proper advice +joined to them. Should you happen to buy them for that price, carry them +to your own lodgings, and get a frame made to the second, which I observe +has none, exactly the same with the other frame, and have the old one new +gilt; and then get them carefully packed up, and sent me by Rouen. + +I hear much of your conversing with 'les beaux esprits' at Paris: I am +very glad of it; it gives a degree of reputation, especially at Paris; +and their conversation is generally instructive, though sometimes +affected. It must be owned, that the polite conversation of the men and +women of fashion at Paris, though not always very deep, is much less +futile and frivolous than ours here. It turns at least upon some subject, +something of taste, some point of history, criticism, and even +philosophy; which, though probably not quite so solid as Mr. Locke's, is, +however, better, and more becoming rational beings, than our frivolous +dissertations upon the weather, or upon whist. Monsieur du Clos observes, +and I think very justly, 'qu'il y a a present en France une fermentation +universelle de la raison qui tend a se developper'. Whereas, I am sorry +to say, that here that fermentation seems to have been over some years +ago, the spirit evaporated, and only the dregs left. Moreover, 'les beaux +esprits' at Paris are commonly well-bred, which ours very frequently are +not; with the former your manners will be formed; with the latter, wit +must generally be compounded for at the expense of manners. Are you +acquainted with Marivaux, who has certainly studied, and is well +acquainted with the heart; but who refines so much upon its 'plis et +replis', and describes them so affectedly, that he often is +unintelligible to his readers, and sometimes so, I dare say, to himself? +Do you know 'Crebillon le fils'? He is a fine painter and a pleasing +writer; his characters are admirable and his reflections just. Frequent +these people, and be glad, but not proud of frequenting them: never boast +of it, as a proof of your own merit, nor insult, in a manner, other +companies by telling them affectedly what you, Montesquieu and Fontenelle +were talking of the other day; as I have known many people do here, with +regard to Pope and Swift, who had never been twice in company with +either; nor carry into other companies the 'ton' of those meetings of +'beaux esprits'. Talk literature, taste, philosophy, etc., with them, 'a +la bonne heure'; but then, with the same ease, and more 'enjouement', +talk 'pom-pons, moires', etc., with Madame de Blot, if she requires it. +Almost every subject in the world has its proper time and place; in which +no one is above or below discussion. The point is, to talk well upon the +subject you talk upon; and the most trifling, frivolous subjects will +still give a man of parts an opportunity of showing them. 'L'usage du +grand monde' can alone teach that. That was the distinguishing +characteristic of Alcibiades, and a happy one it was, that he could +occasionally, and with so much ease, adopt the most different, and even +the most opposite habits and manners, that each seemed natural to him. +Prepare yourself for the great world, as the 'athletae' used to do for +their exercises: oil (if I may use that expression) your mind and your +manners, to give them the necessary suppleness and flexibility; strength +alone will not do, as young people are too apt to think. + +How do your exercises go on? Can you manage a pretty vigorous 'sauteur' +between the pillars? Are you got into stirrups yet? 'Faites-vous assaut +aux armes? But, above all, what does Marcel say of you? Is he satisfied? +Pray be more particular in your accounts of yourself, for though I have +frequent accounts of you from others, I desire to have your own too. +Adieu. Yours, truly and friendly. + + + + +LETTER CXL + +LONDON, May 2, O. S. 1751 + +DEAR FRIEND: Two accounts, which I have very lately received of you, from +two good judges, have put me into great spirits, as they have given me +reasonable hopes that you will soon acquire all that I believe you want: +I mean the air, the address; the graces, and the manners of a man of +fashion. As these two pictures of you are very unlike that which I +received, and sent you some months ago, I will name the two painters: the +first is an old friend and acquaintance of mine, Monsieur d'Aillon. His +picture is, I hope, like you; for it is a very good one: Monsieur +Tollot's is still a better, and so advantageous a one, that I will not +send you a copy of it, for fear of making you too vain. So far only I +will tell you, that there was but one BUT in either of their accounts; +and it was this: I gave d'Aillon the question ordinary and extraordinary, +upon the important article of manners; and extorted this from him: But, +since you will know it, he still wants that last beautiful varnish, which +raises the colors, and gives brilliancy to the piece. Be persuaded that +he will acquire it: he has too much sense not to know its value; and if I +am not greatly mistaken, more persons than one are now endeavoring to +give it him. Monsieur Tollot says: "In order to be exactly all that you +wish him, he only wants those little nothings, those graces in detail, +and that amiable ease, which can only be acquired by usage of the great +world. I am assured that he is, in that respect, in good hands. I do not +know whether that does not rather imply in fine arms." Without entering +into a nice discussion of the last question, I congratulate you and +myself upon your being so near that point at which I so anxiously wish +you to arrive. I am sure that all your attention and endeavors will be +exerted; and, if exerted, they will succeed. Mr. Tollot says, that you +are inclined to be fat, but I hope you will decline it as much as you +can; not by taking anything corrosive to make you lean, but by taking as +little as you can of those things that would make you fat. Drink no +chocolate; take your coffee without cream: you cannot possibly avoid +suppers at Paris, unless you avoid company too, which I would by no means +have you do; but eat as little at supper as you can, and make even an +allowance for that little at your dinners. Take occasionally a double +dose of riding and fencing; and now that summer is come, walk a good deal +in the Tuileries. It is a real inconvenience to anybody to be fat, and +besides it is ungraceful for a young fellow. 'A propos', I had like to +have forgot to tell you, that I charged Tollot to attend particularly to +your utterence and diction; two points of the utmost importance. To the +first he says: "His enunciation is not bad, but it is to be wished that +it were still better; and he expresses himself with more fire than +elegance. Usage of good company will instruct him likewise in that." +These, I allow, are all little things, separately; but aggregately, they +make a most important and great article in the account of a gentleman. In +the House of Commons you can never make a figure without elegance of +style, and gracefulness of utterance; and you can never succeed as a +courtier at your own Court, or as a minister at any other, without those +innumerable 'petite riens dans les manieres, et dans les attentions'. Mr. +Yorke is by this time at Paris; make your court to him, but not so as to +disgust, in the least, Lord Albemarle, who may possibly dislike your +considering Mr. Yorke as the man of business, and him as only 'pour orner +la scene'. Whatever your opinion may be upon THAT POINT, take care not to +let it appear; but be well with them both by showing no public preference +to either. + +Though I must necessarily fall into repetitions by treating the same +subject so often, I cannot help recommending to you again the utmost +attention to your air and address. Apply yourself now to Marcel's +lectures, as diligently as you did formerly to Professor Mascow's; desire +him to teach you every genteel attitude that the human body can be put +into; let him make you go in and out of his room frequently, and present +yourself to him, as if he were by turns different persons; such as a +minister, a lady, a superior, an equal, and inferior, etc. Learn to seat +genteelly in different companies; to loll genteelly, and with good +manners, in those companies where you are authorized to be free, and to +sit up respectfully where the same freedom is not allowable. Learn even +to compose your countenance occasionally to the respectful, the cheerful, +and the insinuating. Take particular care that the motions of your hands +and arms be easy and graceful; for the genteelness of a man consists more +in them than in anything else, especially in his dancing. Desire some +women to tell you of any little awkwardness that they observe in your +carriage; they are the best judges of those things; and if they are +satisfied, the men will be so too. Think now only of the decorations. Are +you acquainted with Madame Geoffrain, who has a great deal of wit; and +who, I am informed, receives only the very best company in her house? Do +you know Madame du Pin, who, I remember, had beauty, and I hear has wit +and reading? I could wish you to converse only with those who, either +from their rank, their merit, or their beauty, require constant +attention; for a young man can never improve in company where he thinks +he may neglect himself. A new bow must be constantly kept bent; when it +grows older, and has taken the right turn, it may now and then be +relaxed. + +I have this moment paid your draft of L89 75s.; it was signed in a very +good hand; which proves that a good hand may be written without the +assistance of magic. Nothing provokes me much more, than to hear people +indolently say that they cannot do, what is in everybody's power to do, +if it be but in their will. Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXLI + +LONDON, May 6, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: The best authors are always the severest critics of their +own works; they revise, correct, file, and polish them, till they think +they have brought them to perfection. Considering you as my work, I do +not look upon myself as a bad author, and am therefore a severe critic. I +examine narrowly into the least inaccuracy or inelegance, in order to +correct, not to expose them, and that the work may be perfect at last. +You are, I know, exceedingly improved in your air, address, and manners, +since you have been at Paris; but still there is, I believe, room for +further improvement before you come to that perfection which I have set +my heart upon seeing you arrive at; and till that moment I must continue +filing and polishing. In a letter that I received by last post, from a +friend of yours at Paris, there was this paragraph: "I have the honor to +assure you, without flattery, that Mr. Stanhope succeeds beyond what +might be expected from a person of his age. He goes into very good +company; and that kind of manner, which was at first thought to be too +decisive and peremptory, is now judged otherwise; because it is +acknowledged to be the effect of an ingenuous frankness, accompanied by +politeness, and by a proper deference. He studies to please, and +succeeds. Madame du Puisieux was the other day speaking of him with +complacency and friendship. You will be satisfied with him in all +respects." This is extremely well, and I rejoice at it: one little +circumstance only may, and I hope will, be altered for the better. Take +pains to undeceive those who thought that 'petit ton un peu delcide et un +peu brusque'; as it is not meant so, let it not appear so. Compose your +countenance to an air of gentleness and 'douceur', use some expressions +of diffidence of your own opinion, and deference to other people's; such +as, "If I might be permitted to say--I should think--Is it not rather so? +At least I have the greatest reason to be diffident of myself." Such +mitigating, engaging words do by no means weaken your argument; but, on +the contrary, make it more powerful by making it more pleasing. If it is +a quick and hasty manner of speaking that people mistake 'pour decide et +brusque', prevent their mistakes for the future by speaking more +deliberately, and taking a softer tone of voice; as in this case you are +free from the guilt, be free from the suspicion, too. Mankind, as I have +often told you, are more governed by appearances than by realities; and +with regard to opinion, one had better be really rough and hard, with the +appearance of gentleness and softness, than just the reverse. Few people +have penetration enough to discover, attention enough to observe, or even +concern enough to examine beyond the exterior; they take their notions +from the surface, and go no deeper: they commend, as the gentlest and +best-natured man in the world, that man who has the most engaging +exterior manner, though possibly they have been but once in his company. +An air, a tone of voice, a composure of countenance to mildness and +softness, which are all easily acquired, do the business: and without +further examination, and possibly with the contrary qualities, that man +is reckoned the gentlest, the modestest, and the best-natured man alive. +Happy the man, who, with a certain fund of parts and knowledge, gets +acquainted with the world early enough to make it his bubble, at an age +when most people are the bubbles of the world! for that is the common +case of youth. They grow wiser when it is too late; and, ashamed and +vexed at having been bubbles so long, too often turn knaves at last. Do +not therefore trust to appearances and outside yourself, but pay other +people with them; because you may be sure that nine in ten of mankind do, +and ever will trust to them. This is by no means a criminal or blamable +simulation, if not used with an ill intention. I am by no means blamable +in desiring to have other people's good word, good-will, and affection, +if I do not mean to abuse them. Your heart, I know, is good, your sense +is sound, and your knowledge extensive. What then remains for you to do? +Nothing, but to adorn those fundamental qualifications, with such +engaging and captivating manners, softness, and gentleness, as will +endear you to those who are able to judge of your real merit, and which +always stand in the stead of merit with those who are not. I do not mean +by this to recommend to you 'le fade doucereux', the insipid softness of +a gentle fool; no, assert your own opinion, oppose other people's when +wrong; but let your manner, your air, your terms, and your tone of voice, +be soft and gentle, and that easily and naturally, not affectedly. Use +palliatives when you contradict; such as I MAY BE MISTAKEN, I AM NOT +SURE, BUT I BELIEVE, I SHOULD RATHER THINK, etc. Finish any argument or +dispute with some little good-humored pleasantry, to show that you are +neither hurt yourself, nor meant to hurt your antagonist; for an +argument, kept up a good while, often occasions a temporary alienation on +each side. Pray observe particularly, in those French people who are +distinguished by that character, 'cette douceur de moeurs et de +manieres', which they talk of so much, and value so justly; see in what +it consists; in mere trifles, and most easy to be acquired, where the +heart is really good. Imitate, copy it, till it becomes habitual and easy +to you. Without a compliment to you, I take it to be the only thing you +now want: nothing will sooner give it you than a real passion, or, at +least, 'un gout vif', for some woman of fashion; and, as I suppose that +you have either the one or the other by this time, you are consequently +in the best school. Besides this, if you were to say to Lady Hervey, +Madame Monconseil, or such others as you look upon to be your friends, It +is said that I have a kind of manner which is rather too decisive and too +peremptory; it is not, however, my intention that it should be so; I +entreat you to correct, and even publicly to punish me whenever I am +guilty. Do not treat me with the least indulgence, but criticise to the +utmost. So clear-sighted a judge as you has a right to be severe; and I +promise you that the criminal will endeavor to correct himself. Yesterday +I had two of your acquaintances to dine with me, Baron B. and his +companion Monsieur S. I cannot say of the former, 'qu'il est paitri de +graces'; and I would rather advise him to go and settle quietly at home, +than to think of improving himself by further travels. 'Ce n'est pas le +bois don't on en fait'. His companion is much better, though he has a +strong 'tocco di tedesco'. They both spoke well of you, and so far I +liked them both. How go you on with the amiable little Blot? Does she +listen to your Battering tale? Are you numbered among the list of her +admirers? Is Madame------your Madame de Lursay? Does she sometimes knot, +and are you her Meilcour? They say she has softness, sense, and engaging +manners; in such an apprenticeship much may be learned.--[This whole +passage, and several others, allude to Crebillon's 'Egaremens du Coeur et +de l'Esprit', a sentimental novel written about that time, and then much +in vogue at Paris.] + +A woman like her, who has always pleased, and often been pleased, can +best teach the art of pleasing; that art, without which, 'ogni fatica +vana'. Marcel's lectures are no small part of that art: they are the +engaging forerunner of all other accomplishments. Dress is also an +article not to be neglected, and I hope you do not neglect it; it helps +in the 'premier abord', which is often decisive. By dress, I mean your +clothes being well made, fitting you, in the fashion and not above it; +your hair well done, and a general cleanliness and spruceness in your +person. I hope you take infinite care of your teeth; the consequences of +neglecting the mouth are serious, not only to one's self, but to others. +In short, my dear child, neglect nothing; a little more will complete the +whole. Adieu. I have not heard from you these three weeks, which I think +a great while. + + + + +LETTER CXLII + +LONDON, May 10, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I received yesterday, at the same time, your letters of +the 4th and 11th, N. S., and being much more careful of my commissions +than you are of yours, I do not delay one moment sending you my final +instructions concerning the pictures. The man you allow to be a Titian, +and in good preservation; the woman is an indifferent and a damaged +picture; but as I want them for furniture for a particular room, +companions are necessary; and therefore I am willing to take the woman +for better for worse, upon account of the man; and if she is not too much +damaged, I can have her tolerably repaired, as many a fine woman is, by a +skillful hand here; but then I expect that the lady should be, in a +manner, thrown into the bargain with the man; and, in this state of +affairs, the woman being worth little or nothing, I will not go above +fourscore Louis for the two together. As for the Rembrandt you mention, +though it is very cheap, if good, I do not care for it. I love 'la belle +nature'; Rembrandt paints caricatures. Now for your own commissions, +which you seem to have forgotten. You mention nothing of the patterns +which you received by Monsieur Tollot, though I told you in a former +letter, which you must have had before the date of your last, that I +should stay till I received the patterns pitched upon by your ladies; for +as to the instructions which you sent me in Madame Monconseil's hand, I +could find no mohairs in London that exactly answered that description; I +shall, therefore, wait till you send me (which you may easily do in a +letter) the patterns chosen by your three graces. + +I would, by all means, have you go now and then, for two or three days, +to Marechal Coigny's, at Orli; it is but a proper civility to that +family, which has been particularly civil to you; and, moreover, I would +have you familiarize yourself with, and learn the interior and domestic +manners of, people of that rank and fashion. I also desire that you will +frequent Versailles and St. Cloud, at both of which courts you have been +received with distinction. Profit of that distinction, and familiarize +yourself at both. Great courts are the seats of true good-breeding; you +are to live at courts, lose no time in learning them. Go and stay +sometimes at Versailles for three or four days, where you will be +domestic in the best families, by means of your friend Madame de +Puisieux; and mine, l'Abbe de la Ville. Go to the King's and the +Dauphin's levees, and distinguish yourself from the rest of your +countrymen, who, I dare say, never go there when they can help it. Though +the young Frenchmen of fashion may not be worth forming intimate +connections with, they are well worth making acquaintance of; and I do +not see how you can avoid it, frequenting so many good French houses as +you do, where, to be sure, many of them come. Be cautious how you +contract friendships, but be desirous, and even industrious, to obtain a +universal acquaintance. Be easy, and even forward, in making new +acquaintances; that is the only way of knowing manners and characters in +general, which is, at present, your great object. You are 'enfant de +famille' in three ministers' houses; but I wish you had a footing, at +least, in thirteen and that, I should think, you might easily bring +about, by that common chain, which, to a certain degree, connects those +you do not with those you do know. + +For instance, I suppose that neither Lord Albemarle, nor Marquis de St. +Germain, would make the least difficulty to present you to Comte Caunitz, +the Nuncio, etc. 'Il faut etre rompu du monde', which can only be done by +an extensive, various, and almost universal acquaintance. + +When you have got your emaciated Philomath, I desire that his triangles, +rhomboids, etc., may not keep you one moment out of the good company you +would otherwise be in. Swallow all your learning in the morning, but +digest it in company in the evenings. The reading of ten new characters +is more your business now, than the reading of twenty old books; showish +and shining people always get the better of all others, though ever so +solid. If you would be a great man in the world when you are old, shine +and be showish in it while you are young, know everybody, and endeavor to +please everybody, I mean exteriorly; for fundamentally it is impossible. +Try to engage the heart of every woman, and the affections of almost +every man you meet with. Madame Monconseil assures me that you are most +surprisingly improved in your air, manners, and address: go on, my dear +child, and never think that you are come to a sufficient degree of +perfection; 'Nil actum reputans, si quid superesset agendum'; and in +those shining parts of the character of a gentleman, there is always +something remaining to be acquired. Modes and manners vary in different +places, and at different times; you must keep pace with them, know them, +and adopt them, wherever you find them. The great usage of the world, the +knowledge of characters, the brillant dun 'galant homme,' is all that you +now want. Study Marcel and the 'beau monde' with great application, but +read Homer and Horace only when you have nothing else to do. Pray who is +'la belle Madame de Case', whom I know you frequent? I like the epithet +given her very well: if she deserves it, she deserves your attention too. +A man of fashion should be gallant to a fine woman, though he does not +make love to her, or may be otherwise engaged. On 'lui doit des +politesses, on fait l'eloge de ses charmes, et il n'en est ni plus ni +moins pour cela': it pleases, it flatters; you get their good word, and +you lose nothing by it. These 'gentillesses' should be accompanied, as +indeed everything else should, with an air: 'un air, un ton de douceur et +de politesse'. Les graces must be of the party, or it will never do; and +they are so easily had, that it is astonishing to me that everybody has +them not; they are sooner gained than any woman of common reputation and +decency. Pursue them but with care and attention, and you are sure to +enjoy them at last: without them, I am sure, you will never enjoy anybody +else. You observe, truly, that Mr.------is gauche; it is to be hoped that +will mend with keeping company; and is yet pardonable in him, as just +come from school. But reflect what you would think of a man, who had been +any time in the world, and yet should be so awkward. For God's sake, +therefore, now think of nothing but shining, and even distinguishing +yourself in the most polite courts, by your air, your address, your +manners, your politeness, your 'douceur', your graces. With those +advantages (and not without them) take my word for it, you will get the +better of all rivals, in business as well as in 'ruelles'. Adieu. Send me +your patterns, by the next post, and also your instructions to Grevenkop +about the seal, which you seem to have forgotten. + + + + +LETTER CXLIII + +LONDON, May 16, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: In about three months from this day, we shall probably +meet. I look upon that moment as a young woman does upon her bridal +night; I expect the greatest pleasure, and yet cannot help fearing some +little mixture of pain. My reason bids me doubt a little, of what my +imagination makes me expect. In some articles I am very sure that my most +sanguine wishes will not be disappointed; and those are the most material +ones. In others, I fear something or other, which I can better feel than +describe. However, I will attempt it. I fear the want of that amiable and +engaging 'je ne sais quoi', which as some philosophers have, +unintelligibly enough, said of the soul, is all in all, and all in every +part; it should shed its influence over every word and action. I fear the +want of that air, and first 'abord', which suddenly lays hold of the +heart, one does not know distinctly how or why. I fear an inaccuracy, or, +at least, inelegance of diction, which will wrong, and lower, the best +and justest matter. And, lastly, I fear an ungraceful, if not an +unpleasant utterance, which would disgrace and vilify the whole. Should +these fears be at present founded, yet the objects of them are (thank +God) of such a nature, that you may, if you please, between this and our +meeting, remove everyone of them. All these engaging and endearing +accomplishments are mechanical, and to be acquired by care and +observation, as easily as turning, or any mechanical trade. A common +country fellow, taken from the plow, and enlisted in an old corps, soon +lays aside his shambling gait, his slouching air, his clumsy and awkward +motions: and acquires the martial air, the regular motions, and whole +exercise of the corps, and particularly of his right and left hand man. +How so? Not from his parts; which were just the same before as after he +was enlisted; but either from a commendable ambition of being like, and +equal to those he is to live with; or else from the fear of being +punished for not being so. If then both or either of these motives change +such a fellow, in about six months' time, to such a degree, as that he is +not to be known again, how much stronger should both these motives be +with you, to acquire, in the utmost perfection, the whole exercise of the +people of fashion, with whom you are to live all your life? Ambition +should make you resolve to be at least their equal in that exercise, as +well as the fear of punishment; which most inevitably will attend the +want of it. By that exercise, I mean the air, the manners, the graces, +and the style of people of fashion. A friend of yours, in a letter I +received from him by the last post, after some other commendations of +you, says, "It is surprising that, thinking with so much solidity as he +does, and having so true and refined a taste, he should express himself +with so little elegance and delicacy. He even totally neglects the choice +of words and turn of phrases." + +This I should not be so much surprised or concerned at, if it related +only to the English language; which hitherto you have had no opportunity +of studying, and but few of speaking, at least to those who could correct +your inaccuracies. But if you do not express yourself elegantly and +delicately in French and German, (both which languages I know you possess +perfectly and speak eternally) it can be only from an unpardonable +inattention to what you most erroneously think a little object, though, +in truth, it is one of the most important of your life. Solidity and +delicacy of thought must be given us: it cannot be acquired, though it +may be improved; but elegance and delicacy of expression may be acquired +by whoever will take the necessary care and pains. I am sure you love me +so well; that you would be very sorry when we meet, that I should be +either disappointed or mortified; and I love you so well, that I assure +you I should be both, if I should find you want any of those exterior +accomplishments which are the indispensably necessary steps to that +figure and fortune, which I so earnestly wish you may one day make in the +world. + +I hope you do not neglect your exercises of riding, fencing, and dancing, +but particularly the latter: for they all concur to 'degourdir', and to +give a certain air. To ride well, is not only a proper and graceful +accomplishment for a gentleman, but may also save you many a fall +hereafter; to fence well, may possibly save your life; and to dance well, +is absolutely necessary in order to sit, stand, and walk well. To tell +you the truth, my friend, I have some little suspicion that you now and +then neglect or omit your exercises, for more serious studies. But now +'non est his locus', everything has its time; and this is yours for your +exercises; for when you return to Paris I only propose your continuing +your dancing; which you shall two years longer, if you happen to be where +there is a good dancing-master. Here I will see you take some lessons +with your old master Desnoyers, who is our Marcel. + +What says Madame du Pin to you? I am told she is very handsome still; I +know she was some few years ago. She has good parts, reading, manners, +and delicacy: such an arrangement would be both creditable and +advantageous to you. She will expect to meet with all the good-breeding +and delicacy that she brings; and as she is past the glare and 'eclat' of +youth, may be the more willing to listen to your story, if you tell it +well. For an attachment, I should prefer her to 'la petite Blot'; and, +for a mere gallantry, I should prefer 'la petite Blot' to her; so that +they are consistent, et 'l'un n'emplche pas l'autre'. Adieu. Remember 'la +douceur et les graces'. + + + + +LETTER CXLIV + +LONDON, May 23, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: I have this moment received your letter of the 25th N. +S., and being rather something more attentive to my commissions than you +are to yours, return you this immediate answer to the question you ask me +about the two pictures: I will not give one livre more than what I told +you in my last; having no sort of occasion for them, and not knowing very +well where to put them if I had them. + +I wait with impatience for your final orders about the mohairs; the +mercer persecuting me every day for three pieces which I thought pretty, +and which I have kept by me eventually, to secure them in case your +ladies should pitch upon them. + +If I durst! what should hinder you from daring? One always dares if there +are hopes of success; and even if there are none, one is no loser by +daring. A man of fashion knows how, and when, to dare. He begins his +approaches by distant attacks, by assiduities, and by attentions. If he +is not immediately and totally repulsed, he continues to advance. After +certain steps success is infallible; and none but very silly fellows can +then either doubt, or not attempt it. Is it the respectable character of +Madame de la Valiere which prevents your daring, or are you intimidated +at the fierce virtue of Madame du Pin? Does the invincible modesty of the +handsome Madame Case discourage, more than her beauty invites you? Fie, +for shame! Be convinced that the most virtuous woman, far from being +offended at a declaration of love, is flattered by it, if it is made in a +polite and agreeable manner. It is possible that she may not be +propitious to your vows; that is to say, if she has a liking or a passion +for another person. But, at all events, she will not be displeased with +you for it; so that, as there is no danger, this cannot even be called +daring. But if she attends, if she listens, and allows you to repeat your +declaration, be persuaded that if you do not dare all the rest, she will +laugh at you. I advise you to begin rather by Madame du Pin, who has +still more than beauty enough for such a youngster as you. She has, +besides, knowledge of the world, sense, and delicacy. As she is not so +extremely young, the choice of her lovers cannot be entirely at her +option. I promise you, she will not refuse the tender of your most humble +services. Distinguish her, then, by attentions and by tender looks. Take +favorable opportunities of whispering that you wish esteem and friendship +were the only motives of your regard for her; but that it derives from +sentiments of a much more tender nature: that you made not this +declaration without pain; but that the concealing your passion was a +still greater torment. + +I am sensible, that in saying this for the first time, you will look +silly, abashed, and even express yourself very ill. So much the better; +for, instead of attributing your confusion to the little usage you have +of the world, particularly in these sort of subjects, she will think that +excess of love is the occasion of it. In such a case, the lover's best +friend is self-love. Do not then be afraid; behave gallantly. Speak well, +and you will be heard. If you are not listened to the first time, try a +second, a third, and a fourth. If the place is not already taken, depend +upon it, it may be conquered. + +I am very glad you are going to Orli, and from thence to St. Cloud; go to +both, and to Versailles also, often. It is that interior domestic +familiarity with people of fashion, that alone can give you 'l'usage du +monde, et les manieres aisees'. It is only with women one loves, or men +one respects, that the desire of pleasing exerts itself; and without the +desire of pleasing no man living can please. Let that desire be the +spring of all your words and actions. That happy talent, the art of +pleasing, which so few do, though almost all might possess, is worth all +your learning and knowledge put together. The latter can never raise you +high without the former; but the former may carry you, as it has carried +thousands, a great way without the latter. + +I am glad that you dance so well, as to be reckoned by Marcel among his +best scholars; go on, and dance better still. Dancing well is pleasing +'pro tanto', and makes a part of that necessary whole, which is composed +of a thousand parts, many of them of 'les infiniment petits quoi +qu'infiniment necessaires'. + +I shall never have done upon this subject which is indispensably +necessary toward your making any figure or fortune in the world; both +which I have set my heart upon, and for both which you now absolutely +want no one thing but the art of pleasing; and I must not conceal from +you that you have still a good way to go before you arrive at it. You +still want a thousand of those little attentions that imply a desire of +pleasing: you want a 'douceur' of air and expression that engages: you +want an elegance and delicacy of expression, necessary to adorn the best +sense and most solid matter: in short, you still want a great deal of the +'brillant' and the 'poli'. Get them at any rate: sacrifice hecatombs of +books to them: seek for them in company, and renounce your closet till +you have got them. I never received the letter you refer to, if ever you +wrote it. Adieu, et bon soir, Monseigneur. + + + + +LETTER CXLV + +GREENWICH, June 6, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Solicitous and anxious as I have ever been to form your +heart, your mind, and your manners, and to bring you as near perfection +as the imperfection of our natures will allow, I have exhausted, in the +course of our correspondence, all that my own mind could suggest, and +have borrowed from others whatever I thought could be useful to you; but +this has necessarily been interruptedly and by snatches. It is now time, +and you are of an age to review and to weigh in your own mind all that +you have heard, and all that you have read, upon these subjects; and to +form your own character, your conduct, and your manners, for the rest of +your life; allowing for such improvements as a further knowledge of the +world will naturally give you. In this view I would recommend to you to +read, with the greatest attention, such books as treat particularly of +those subjects; reflecting seriously upon them, and then comparing the +speculation with the practice. + +For example, if you read in the morning some of La Rochefoucault's +maxims; consider them, examine them well, and compare them with the real +characters you meet with in the evening. Read La Bruyere in the morning, +and see in the evening whether his pictures are like. Study the heart and +the mind of man, and begin with your own. Meditation and reflection must +lay the foundation of that knowledge: but experience and practice must, +and alone can, complete it. Books, it is true, point out the operations +of the mind, the sentiments of the heart, the influence of the passions; +and so far they are of previous use: but without subsequent practice, +experience, and observation, they are as ineffectual, and would even lead +you into as many errors in fact, as a map would do, if you were to take +your notions of the towns and provinces from their delineations in it. A +man would reap very little benefit by his travels, if he made them only +in his closet upon a map of the whole world. Next to the two books that I +have already mentioned, I do not know a better for you to read, and +seriously reflect upon, than 'Avis d'une Mere d'un Fils, par la Marquise +de Lambert'. She was a woman of a superior understanding and knowledge of +the world, had always kept the best company, was solicitous that her son +should make a figure and a fortune in the world, and knew better than +anybody how to point out the means. It is very short, and will take you +much less time to read, than you ought to employ in reflecting upon it, +after you have read it. Her son was in the army, she wished he might rise +there; but she well knew, that, in order to rise, he must first please: +she says to him, therefore, With regard to those upon whom you depend, +the chief merit is to please. And, in another place, in subaltern +employments, the art of pleasing must be your support. Masters are like +mistresses: whatever services they may be indebted to you for, they cease +to love when you cease to be agreeable. This, I can assure you, is at +least as true in courts as in camps, and possibly more so. If to your +merit and knowledge you add the art of pleasing, you may very probably +come in time to be Secretary of State; but, take my word for it, twice +your merit and knowledge, without the art of pleasing, would, at most, +raise you to the IMPORTANT POST of Resident at Hamburgh or Ratisbon. I +need not tell you now, for I often have, and your own discernment must +have told you, of what numberless little ingredients that art of pleasing +is compounded, and how the want of the least of them lowers the whole; +but the principal ingredient is, undoubtedly, 'la douceur dans le +manieres': nothing will give you this more than keeping company with your +superiors. Madame Lambert tells her son, Let your connections be with +people above you; by that means you will acquire a habit of respect and +politeness. With one's equals, one is apt to become negligent, and the +mind grows torpid. She advises him, too, to frequent those people, and to +see their inside; In order to judge of men, one must be intimately +connected; thus you see them without, a veil, and with their mere +every-day merit. A happy expression! It was for this reason that I have +so often advised you to establish and domesticate yourself, wherever you +can, in good houses of people above you, that you may see their EVERY-DAY +character, manners, habits, etc. One must see people undressed to judge +truly of their shape; when they are dressed to go abroad, their clothes +are contrived to conceal, or at least palliate the defects of it: as +full-bottomed wigs were contrived for the Duke of Burgundy, to conceal +his hump back. Happy those who have no faults to disguise, nor weaknesses +to conceal! there are few, if any such; but unhappy those who know little +enough of the world to judge by outward appearances. Courts are the best +keys to characters; there every passion is busy, every art exerted, every +character analyzed; jealousy, ever watchful, not only discovers, but +exposes, the mysteries of the trade, so that even bystanders 'y +apprennent a deviner'. There too the great art of pleasing is practiced, +taught, and learned with all its graces and delicacies. It is the first +thing needful there: It is the absolutely necessary harbinger of merit +and talents, let them be ever so great. There is no advancing a step +without it. Let misanthropes and would-be philosophers declaim as much as +they please against the vices, the simulation, and dissimulation of +courts; those invectives are always the result of ignorance, ill-humor, +or envy. Let them show me a cottage, where there are not the same vices +of which they accuse courts; with this difference only, that in a cottage +they appear in their native deformity, and that in courts, manners and +good-breeding make them less shocking, and blunt their edge. No, be +convinced that the good-breeding, the 'tournure, la douceur dans les +manieres', which alone are to be acquired at courts, are not the showish +trifles only which some people call or think them; they are a solid good; +they prevent a great deal of real mischief; they create, adorn, and +strengthen friendships; they keep hatred within bounds; they promote +good-humor and good-will in families, where the want of good-breeding and +gentleness of manners is commonly the original cause of discord. Get +then, before it is too late, a habit of these 'mitiores virtutes': +practice them upon every the least occasion, that they may be easy and +familiar to you upon the greatest; for they lose a great degree of their +merit if they seem labored, and only called in upon extraordinary +occasions. I tell you truly, this is now the only doubtful part of your +character with me; and it is for that reason that I dwell upon it so +much, and inculcate it so often. I shall soon see whether this doubt of +mine is founded; or rather I hope I shall soon see that it is not. + +This moment I receive your letter of the 9th N. S. I am sorry to find +that you have had, though ever so slight a return of your Carniolan +disorder; and I hope your conclusion will prove a true one, and that this +will be the last. I will send the mohairs by the first opportunity. As +for the pictures, I am already so full, that I am resolved not to buy one +more, unless by great accident I should meet with something surprisingly +good, and as surprisingly cheap. + +I should have thought that Lord-------, at his age, and with his parts +and address, need not have been reduced to keep an opera w---e, in such a +place as Paris, where so many women of fashion generously serve as +volunteers. I am still more sorry that he is in love with her; for that +will take him out of good company, and sink him into bad; such as +fiddlers, pipers, and 'id genus omne'; most unedifying and unbecoming +company for a man of fashion! + +Lady Chesterfield makes you a thousand compliments. Adieu, my dear child. + + + + +LETTER CXLVI + +GREENWICH, June 10, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Your ladies were so slow in giving their specific orders, +that the mohairs, of which you at last sent me the patterns, were all +sold. However, to prevent further delays (for ladies are apt to be very +impatient, when at last they know their own minds), I have taken the +quantities desired of three mohairs which come nearest to the description +you sent me some time ago, in Madame Monconseil's own hand; and I will +send them to Calais by the first opportunity. In giving 'la petite Blot' +her piece, you have a fine occasion of saying fine things, if so +inclined. + +Lady Hervey, who is your puff and panegyrist, writes me word that she saw +you lately dance at a ball, and that you dance very genteelly. I am +extremely glad to hear it; for (by the maxim, that 'omne majus continet +in se minus'), if you dance genteelly, I presume you walk, sit, and stand +genteelly too; things which are much more easy, though much more +necessary, than dancing well. I have known many very genteel people, who +could not dance well; but I never knew anybody dance very well, who was +not genteel in other things. You will probably often have occasion to +stand in circles, at the levees of princes and ministers, when it is very +necessary 'de payer de sa personne, et d'etre bien plante', with your +feet not too near nor too distant from each other. More people stand and +walk, than sit genteelly. Awkward, ill-bred people, being ashamed, +commonly sit bolt upright and stiff; others, too negligent and easy, 'se +vautrent dans leur fauteuil', which is ungraceful and ill-bred, unless +where the familiarity is extreme; but a man of fashion makes himself +easy, and appears so by leaning gracefully instead of lolling supinely; +and by varying those easy attitudes instead of that stiff immobility of a +bashful booby. You cannot conceive, nor can I express, how advantageous a +good air, genteel motions, and engaging address are, not only among +women, but among men, and even in the course of business; they fascinate +the affections, they steal a preference, they play about the heart till +they engage it. I know a man, and so do you, who, without a grain of +merit, knowledge, or talents, has raised himself millions of degrees +above his level, simply by a good air and engaging manners; insomuch that +the very Prince who raised him so high, calls him, 'mon aimable +vaut-rien';--[The Marichal de Richelieu.]--but of this do not open your +lips, 'pour cause'. I give you this secret as the strongest proof +imaginable of the efficacy of air, address, 'tournure, et tout ces Petits +riens'. + +Your other puff and panegyrist, Mr. Harte, is gone to Windsor in his way +to Cornwall, in order to be back soon enough to meet you here: I really +believe he is as impatient for that moment as I am, 'et c'est tout dire': +but, however, notwithstanding my impatience, if by chance you should then +be in a situation, that leaving Paris would cost your heart too many +pangs, I allow you to put off your journey, and to tell me, as Festus did +Paul, AT A MORE CONVENIENT SEASON I WILL SPEAK TO THEE. You see by this +that I eventually sacrifice my sentiments to yours, and this in a very +uncommon object of paternal complaisance. Provided always, and be it +understood (as they say in acts of Parliament), that 'quae te cumque +domat Venus, non erubescendis adurit ignibus'. If your heart will let you +come, bring with you only your valet de chambre, Christian, and your own +footman; not your valet de place, whom you may dismiss for the time, as +also your coach; but you had best keep on your lodgings, the intermediate +expense of which will be but inconsiderable, and you will want them to +leave your books and baggage in. Bring only the clothes you travel in, +one suit of black, for the mourning for the Prince will not be quite out +by that time, and one suit of your fine clothes, two or three of your +laced shirts, and the rest plain ones; of other things, as bags, +feathers, etc., as you think proper. Bring no books, unless two or three +for your' amusement upon the road; for we must apply simply to English, +in which you are certainly no 'puriste'; and I will supply you +sufficiently with the proper English authors. I shall probably keep you +here till about the middle of October, and certainly not longer; it being +absolutely necessary for you to pass the next winter at Paris; so that; +should any fine eyes shed tears for your departure, you may dry them by +the promise of your return in two months. + +Have you got a master for geometry? If the weather is very hot, you may +leave your riding at the 'manege' till you return to Paris, unless you +think the exercise does you more good than the heat can do you harm; but +I desire you will not leave off Marcel for one moment; your fencing +likewise, if you have a mind, may subside for the summer; but you will do +well to resume it in the winter and to be adroit at it, but by no means +for offense, only for defense in case of necessity. Good night. Yours. + +P. S. I forgot to give you one commission, when you come here; which is, +not to fail bringing the GRACES along with you. + + + + +LETTER CXLVII + +GREENWICH, June 13, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: 'Les bienseances'--[This single word implies decorum, +good-breeding, and propriety]--are a most necessary part of the knowledge +of the world. They consist in the relations of persons, things, time, and +place; good sense points them out, good company perfects them ( supposing +always an attention and a desire to please), and good policy recommends +them. + +Were you to converse with a king, you ought to be as easy and +unembarrassed as with your own valet de chambre; but yet, every look, +word and action, should imply the utmost respect. What would be proper +and well-bred with others, much your superiors, would be absurd and +ill-bred with one so very much so. You must wait till you are spoken to; +you must receive, not give, the subject of conversation; and you must +even take care that the given subject of such conversation do not lead +you into any impropriety. The art would be to carry it, if possible, to +some indirect flattery; such as commending those virtues in some other +person, in which that prince either thinks he does, or at least would be +thought by others to excel. Almost the same precautions are necessary to +be used with ministers, generals, etc., who expect to be treated with +very near the same respect as their masters, and commonly deserve it +better. There is, however, this difference, that one may begin the +conversation with them, if on their side it should happen to drop, +provided one does not carry it to any subject upon which it is improper +either for them to speak, or be spoken to. In these two cases, certain +attitudes and actions would be extremely absurd, because too easy, and +consequently disrespectful. As, for instance, if you were to put your +arms across in your bosom, twirl your snuff-box, trample with your feet, +scratch your head, etc., it would be shockingly ill-bred in that company; +and, indeed, not extremely well-bred in any other. The great difficulty +in those cases, though a very surmountable one by attention and custom, +is to join perfect inward ease with perfect outward respect. + +In mixed companies with your equals (for in mixed companies all people +are to a certain degree equal), greater ease and liberty are allowed; but +they too have their bounds within 'bienseance'. There is a social respect +necessary: you may start your own subject of conversation with modesty, +taking great care, however, 'de ne jamais parler de cordes dans la +maison d'un pendu.--[Never to mention a rope in the family of a man who +has been hanged]--Your words, gestures, and attitudes, have a greater +degree of latitude, though by no means an unbounded one. You may have +your hands in your pockets, take snuff, sit, stand, or occasionally walk, +as you like; but I believe you would not think it very 'bienseant' to +whistle, put on your hat, loosen your garters or your buckles, lie down +upon a couch, or go to bed, and welter in an easychair. These are +negligences and freedoms which one can only take when quite alone; they +are injurious to superiors, shocking and offensive to equals, brutal and +insulting to inferiors. That easiness of carriage and behavior, which is +exceedingly engaging, widely differs from negligence and inattention, and +by no means implies that one may do whatever one pleases; it only means +that one is not to be stiff, formal, embarrassed, disconcerted, and +ashamed, like country bumpkins, and, people who have never been in good +company; but it requires great attention to, and a scrupulous observation +of 'les bienseances': whatever one ought to do, is to be done with ease +and unconcern; whatever is improper must not be done at all. In mixed +companies also, different ages and sexes are to be differently addressed. +You would not talk of your pleasures to men of a certain age, gravity, +and dignity; they justly expect from young people a degree of deference +and regard. You should be full as easy with them as with people of your +own years: but your manner must be different; more respect must be +implied; and it is not amiss to insinuate that from them you expect to +learn. It flatters and comforts age for not being able to take a part in +the joy and titter of youth. To women you should always address yourself +with great outward respect and attention, whatever you feel inwardly; +their sex is by long prescription entitled to it; and it is among the +duties of 'bienseance'; at the same time that respect is very properly +and very agreeably mixed with a degree of 'enjouement', if you have it; +but then, that badinage must either directly or indirectly tend to their +praise, and even not be liable to a malicious construction to their +disadvantage. But here, too, great attention must be had to the +difference of age, rank, and situation. A 'marechale' of fifty must not +be played with like a young coquette of fifteen; respect and serious +'enjouement', if I may couple those two words, must be used with the +former, and mere 'badinage, zeste meme d'un peu de polissonerie', is +pardonable with the latter. + +Another important point of 'les bienseances', seldom enough attended to, +is, not to run your own present humor and disposition indiscriminately +against everybody, but to observe, conform to, and adopt them. For +example, if you happened to be in high good humor and a flow of spirits, +would you go and sing a 'pont neuf',--[a ballad]--or cut a caper, to la +Marechale de Coigny, the Pope's nuncio, or Abbe Sallier, or to any person +of natural gravity and melancholy, or who at that time should be in +grief? I believe not; as, on the other hand, I suppose, that if you were +in low spirits or real grief, you would not choose to bewail your +situation with 'la petite Blot'. If you cannot command your present humor +and disposition, single out those to converse with, who happen to be in +the humor the nearest to your own. + +Loud laughter is extremely inconsistent with 'les bienseances', as it is +only the illiberal and noisy testimony of the joy of the mob at some very +silly thing. A gentleman is often seen, but very seldom heard to laugh. +Nothing is more contrary to 'les bienseances' than horse-play, or 'jeux +de main' of any kind whatever, and has often very serious, sometimes very +fatal consequences. Romping, struggling, throwing things at one another's +head, are the becoming pleasantries of the mob, but degrade a gentleman: +'giuoco di mano, giuoco di villano', is a very true saying, among the few +true sayings of the Italians. + +Peremptoriness and decision in young people is 'contraire aux +bienseances', and they should seldom seem to assert, and always use some +softening mitigating expression; such as, 's'il m'est permis de le dire, +je croirais plutot, si j'ose m'expliquer', which soften the manner, +without giving up or even weakening the thing. People of more age and +experience expect, and are entitled to, that degree of deference. + +There is a 'bienseance' also with regard to people of the lowest degree: +a gentleman observes it with his footman--even with the beggar in the +street. He considers them as objects of compassion, not of insult; he +speaks to neither 'd'un ton brusque', but corrects the one coolly, and +refuses the other with humanity. There is one occasion in the world in +which 'le ton brusque' is becoming a gentleman. In short, 'les +bienseances' are another word for MANNERS, and extend to every part of +life. They are propriety; the Graces should attend, in order to complete +them; the Graces enable us to do, genteelly and pleasingly, what 'les +bienseances' require to be done at all. The latter are an obligation upon +every man; the former are an infinite advantage and ornament to any man. +May you unite both! + +Though you dance well, do not think that you dance well enough, and +consequently not endeavor to dance still better. And though you should be +told that you are genteel, still aim at being genteeler. If Marcel +should, do not you be satisfied. Go on, court the Graces all your +lifetime; you will find no better friends at court: they will speak in +your favor, to the hearts of princes, ministers, and mistresses. + +Now that all tumultuous passions and quick sensations have subsided with +me, and that I have no tormenting cares nor boisterous pleasures to +agitate me, my greatest joy is to consider the fair prospect you have +before you, and to hope and believe you will enjoy it. You are already in +the world, at an age when others have hardly heard of it. Your character +is hitherto not only unblemished in its mortal part, but even unsullied +by any low, dirty, and ungentleman-like vice; and will, I hope, continue +so. Your knowledge is sound, extensive and avowed, especially in +everything relative to your destination. With such materials to begin +with, what then is wanting! Not fortune, as you have found by experience. +You have had, and shall have, fortune sufficient to assist your merit and +your industry; and if I can help it, you never shall have enough to make +you negligent of either. You have, too, 'mens sana in corpore sano', the +greatest blessing of all. All, therefore, that you want is as much in +your power to acquire, as to eat your breakfast when set before you; it +is only that knowledge of the world, that elegance of manners, that +universal politeness, and those graces which keeping good company, and +seeing variety of places and characters, must inevitably, with the least +attention on your part, give you. Your foreign destination leads to the +greatest things, and your parliamentary situation will facilitate your +progress. Consider, then, this pleasing prospect as attentively for +yourself as I consider it for you. Labor on your part to realize it, as I +will on mine to assist, and enable you to do it. 'Nullum numen abest, si +sit prudentia'. + +Adieu, my dear child! I count the days till I have the pleasure of seeing +you; I shall soon count the hours, and at last the minutes, with +increasing impatience. + +P. S. The mohairs are this day gone from hence for Calais, recommended to +the care of Madame Morel, and directed, as desired, to the +Comptroller-general. The three pieces come to six hundred and eighty +French livres. + + + + +LETTER CXLVIII + +GREENWICH, June 20, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: So very few people, especially young travelers, see what +they see, or hear what they hear, that though I really believe it may be +unnecessary with you, yet there can be no harm in reminding you, from +time to time, to see what you see, and to hear what you hear; that is, to +see and hear as you should do. Frivolous, futile people, who make at +least three parts in four of mankind, only desire to see and hear what +their frivolous and futile precursors have seen and heard: as St. +Peter's, the Pope, and High Mass, at Rome; Notre Dame, Versailles, the +French King, and the French Comedy, in France. A man of parts sees and +hears very differently from these gentlemen, and a great deal more. He +examines and informs himself thoroughly of everything he sees or hears; +and, more particularly, as it is relative to his own profession or +destination. Your destination is political; the object, therefore, of +your inquiries and observations should be the political interior of +things; the forms of government, laws, regulations, customs, trade, +manufactures, etc., of the several nations of Europe. This knowledge is +much better acquired by conversation with sensible and well-informed +people, than by books, the best of which upon these subjects are always +imperfect. For example, there are "Present States" of France, as there +are of England; but they are always defective, being published by people +uninformed, who only copy one another; they are, however, worth looking +into because they point out objects for inquiry, which otherwise might +possibly never have occurred to one's mind; but an hour's conversation +with a sensible president or 'conseiller' will let you more into the true +state of the parliament of Paris, than all the books in France. In the +same manner, the 'Almanack Militaire' is worth your having; but two or +three conversations with officers will inform you much better of their +military regulations. People have, commonly, a partiality for their own +professions, love to talk of them, and are even flattered by being +consulted upon the subject; when, therefore, you are with any of those +military gentlemen (and you can hardly be in any company without some), +ask them military questions, inquire into their methods of discipline, +quartering, and clothing their men; inform yourself of their pay, their +perquisites, 'lours montres, lours etapes', etc. Do the same as to the +marine, and make yourself particularly master of that detail; which has, +and always will have, a great relation to the affairs of England; and, in +proportion as you get good informations, take minutes of them in writing. + +The regulations of trade and commerce in France are excellent, as appears +but too plainly for us, by the great increase of both, within these +thirty years; for not to mention their extensive commerce in both the +East and West Indies, they have got the whole trade of the Levant from +us; and now supply all the foreign markets with their sugars, to the ruin +almost of our sugar colonies, as Jamaica, Barbadoes, and the Leeward +Islands. Get, therefore, what informations you can of these matters also. + +Inquire too into their church matters; for which the present disputes +between the court and the clergy give you fair and frequent +opportunities. Know the particular rights of the Gallican church, in +opposition to the pretensions of the See of Rome. I need not recommend +ecclesiastical history to you, since I hear that you study 'Du Pin' very +assiduously. + +You cannot imagine how much this solid and useful knowledge of other +countries will distinguish you in your own (where, to say the truth, it +is very little known or cultivated), besides the great use it is of in +all foreign negotiations; not to mention that it enables a man to shine +in all companies. When kings and princes have any knowledge, it is of +this sort, and more particularly; and therefore it is the usual topic of +their levee conversations, in which it will qualify you to bear a +considerable part; it brings you more acquainted with them; and they are +pleased to have people talk to them on a subject in which they think to +shine. + +There is a sort of chit-chat, or SMALL TALK, which is the general run of +conversation at courts, and in most mixed companies. It is a sort of +middling conversation, neither silly nor edifying; but, however, very +necessary for you to become master of. It turns upon the public events of +Europe, and then is at its best; very often upon the number, the goodness +or badness, the discipline, or the clothing of the troops of different +princes; sometimes upon the families, the marriages, the relations of +princes, and considerable people; and sometimes 'sur le bon chere', the +magnificence of public entertainments, balls, masquerades, etc. I would +wish you to be able to talk upon all these things better, and with more +knowledge than other people; insomuch that upon those occasions, you +should be applied to, and that people should say, I DARE SAY MR. STANHOPE +CAN TELL US. + +Second-rate knowledge and middling talents carry a man further at courts, +and in the busy part of the world, than superior knowledge and shining +parts. Tacitus very justly accounts for a man's having always kept in +favor and enjoyed the best employments under the tyrannical reigns of +three or four of the very worst emperors, by saying that it was not +'propter aliquam eximiam artem, sed quia par negotiis neque supra erat'. +Discretion is the great article; all these things are to be learned, and +only learned by keeping a great deal of the best company. Frequent those +good houses where you have already a footing, and wriggle yourself +somehow or other into every other. Haunt the courts particularly in order +to get that ROUTINE. + +This moment I receive yours of the 18th N. S. You will have had some time +ago my final answers concerning the pictures; and, by my last, an account +that the mohairs were gone to Madame Morel, at Calais, with the proper +directions. + +I am sorry that your two sons-in-law [?? D.W.], the Princes B----, are +such boobies; however, as they have the honor of being so nearly related +to you, I will show them what civilities I can. + +I confess you have not time for long absences from Paris, at present, +because of your various masters, all which I would have you apply to +closely while you are now in that capital; but when you return thither, +after the visit you intend me the honor of, I do not propose your having +any master at all, except Marcel, once or twice a week. And then the +courts will, I hope, be no longer strange countries to you; for I would +have you run down frequently to Versailles and St. Cloud, for three or +four days at a time. You know the Abbe de la Ville, who will present you +to others, so that you will soon be 'faufile' with the rest of the court. +Court is the soil in which you are to grow and flourish; you ought to be +well acquainted with the nature of it; like all other soil, it is in some +places deeper, in others lighter, but always capable of great improvement +by cultivation and experience. + +You say that you want some hints for a letter to Lady Chesterfield; more +use and knowledge of the world will teach you occasionally to write and +talk genteelly, 'sup des riens', which I can tell you is a very useful +part upon worldly knowledge; for in some companies, it would be imprudent +to talk of anything else; and with very many people it is impossible to +talk of anything else; they would not understand you. Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CXLIX + +LONDON, June 24, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Air, address, manners, and graces are of such infinite +advantage to whoever has them, and so peculiarly and essentially +necessary for you, that now, as the time of our meeting draws near, I +tremble for fear I should not find you possessed of them; and, to tell +you the truth, I doubt you are not yet sufficiently convinced for their +importance. There is, for instance, your intimate friend, Mr. H-----, who +with great merit, deep knowledge, and a thousand good qualities, will +never make a figure in the world while he lives. Why? Merely for want of +those external and showish accomplishments, which he began the world too +late to acquire; and which, with his studious and philosophical turn, I +believe he thinks are not worth his attention. He may, very probably, +make a figure in the republic of letters, but he had ten thousand times +better make a figure as a man of the world and of business in the +republic of the United Provinces, which, take my word for it, he never +will. + +As I open myself, without the least reserve, whenever I think that my +doing so can be of any use to you, I will give you a short account of +myself. When I first came into the world, which was at the age you are of +now, so that, by the way, you have got the start of me in that important +article by two or three years at least,--at nineteen I left the +University of Cambridge, where I was an absolute pedant; when I talked my +best, I quoted Horace; when I aimed at being facetious, I quoted Martial; +and when I had a mind to be a fine gentleman, I talked Ovid. I was +convinced that none but the ancients had common sense; that the classics +contained everything that was either necessary, useful, or ornamental to +men; and I was not without thoughts of wearing the 'toga virilis' of the +Romans, instead of the vulgar and illiberal dress of the moderns. With +these excellent notions I went first to The Hague, where, by the help of +several letters of recommendation, I was soon introduced into all the +best company; and where I very soon discovered that I was totally +mistaken in almost every one notion I had entertained. Fortunately, I had +a strong desire to please (the mixed result of good-nature and a vanity +by no means blamable), and was sensible that I had nothing but the +desire. I therefore resolved, if possible, to acquire the means, too. I +studied attentively and minutely the dress, the air, the manner, the +address, and the turn of conversation of all those whom I found to be the +people in fashion, and most generally allowed to please. I imitated them +as well as I could; if I heard that one man was reckoned remarkably +genteel, I carefully watched his dress, motions and attitudes, and formed +my own upon them. When I heard of another, whose conversation was +agreeable and engaging, I listened and attended to the turn of it. I +addressed myself, though 'de tres mauvaise grace', to all the most +fashionable fine ladies; confessed, and laughed with them at my own +awkwardness and rawness, recommending myself as an object for them to try +their skill in forming. By these means, and with a passionate desire of +pleasing everybody, I came by degrees to please some; and, I can assure +you, that what little figure I have made in the world, has been much more +owing to that passionate desire of pleasing universally than to any +intrinsic merit or sound knowledge I might ever have been master of. My +passion for pleasing was so strong (and I am very glad it was so), that I +own to you fairly, I wished to make every woman I saw in love with me, +and every man I met with admire me. Without this passion for the object, +I should never have been so attentive to the means; and I own I cannot +conceive how it is possible for any man of good-nature and good sense to +be without this passion. Does not good-nature incline us to please all +those we converse with, of whatever rank or station they may be? And does +not good sense and common observation, show of what infinite use it is to +please? Oh! but one may please by the good qualities of the heart, and +the knowledge of the head, without that fashionable air, address and +manner, which is mere tinsel. I deny it. A man may be esteemed and +respected, but I defy him to please without them. Moreover, at your age, +I would not have contented myself with barely pleasing; I wanted to shine +and to distinguish myself in the world as a man of fashion and gallantry, +as well as business. And that ambition or vanity, call it what you +please, was a right one; it hurt nobody, and made me exert whatever +talents I had. It is the spring of a thousand right and good things. + +I was talking you over the other day with one very much your friend, and +who had often been with you, both at Paris and in Italy. Among the +innumerable questions which you may be sure I asked him concerning you, I +happened to mention your dress (for, to say the truth, it was the only +thing of which I thought him a competent judge) upon which he said that +you dressed tolerably well at Paris; but that in Italy you dressed so +ill, that he used to joke with you upon it, and even to tear your +clothes. Now, I must tell you, that at your age it is as ridiculous not +to be very well dressed, as at my age it would be if I were to wear a +white feather and red-heeled shoes. Dress is one of various ingredients +that contribute to the art of pleasing; it pleases the eyes at least, and +more especially of women. Address yourself to the senses, if you would +please; dazzle the eyes, soothe and flatter the ears of mankind; engage +their hearts, and let their reason do its worst against you. 'Suaviter in +modo' is the great secret. Whenever you find yourself engaged insensibly, +in favor of anybody of no superior merit nor distinguished talents, +examine, and see what it is that has made those impressions upon you: and +you will find it to be that 'douceur', that gentleness of manners, that +air and address, which I have so often recommended to you; and from +thence draw this obvious conclusion, that what pleases you in them, will +please others in you; for we are all made of the same clay, though some +of the lumps are a little finer, and some a little coarser; but in +general, the surest way to judge of others, is to examine and analyze +one's self thoroughly. When we meet I will assist you in that analysis, +in which every man wants some assistance against his own self-love. +Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CL + +GREENWICH, June 30, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: Pray give the inclosed to our friend the Abbe; it is to +congratulate him upon his 'Canonicat', which I am really very glad of, +and I hope it will fatten him up to Boileau's 'Chanoine'; at present he +is as meagre as an apostle or a prophet. By the way, has he ever +introduced you to la Duchesse d'Aiguillon? If he has not, make him +present you; and if he has, frequent her, and make her many compliments +from me. She has uncommon, sense and knowledge for a woman, and her house +is the resort of one set of 'les beaux esprits. It is a satisfaction and +a sort of credit to be acquainted with those gentlemen; and it puts a +young fellow in fashion. 'A propos des beaux esprits', you have 'les +entries' at Lady Sandwich's; who, old as she was, when I saw her last, +had the strongest parts of any woman I ever knew in my life? If you are +not acquainted with her, either the Duchesse d'Aiguillon or Lady Hervey +can, and I dare say will; introduce you. I can assure you, it is very +well worth your while, both upon her own account, and for the sake of the +people of wit and learning who frequent her. In such companies there is +always something to be learned as well as manners; the conversation turns +upon something above trifles; some point of literature, criticism, +history, etc., is discussed with ingenuity and good manners; for I must +do the French people of learning justice; they are not bears, as most of +ours are: they are gentlemen. + +Our Abbe writes me word that you were gone to Compiegne: I am very glad +of it; other courts must form you for your own. He tells me too, that you +have left off riding at the 'manege'; I have no objection to that, it +takes up a great deal of the morning; and if you have got a genteel and +firm seat on horseback, it is enough for you, now that tilts and +tournaments are laid aside. I suppose you have hunted at Compiegne. The +King's hunting there, I am told, is a fine sight. The French manner of +hunting is gentlemanlike; ours is only for bumpkins and boobies. The poor +beasts are here pursued and run down by much greater beasts than +themselves, and the true British fox-hunter is most undoubtedly a species +appropriated and peculiar to this country, which no other part of the +globe produces. + +I hope you apply the time you have saved from the riding-house to useful +more than to learned purposes; for I can assure you they are very +different things. I would have you allow but one hour a-day for Greek; +and that more to keep what you have than to increase it: by Greek, I mean +useful Greek books, such as Demosthenes, Thucydides, etc., and not the +poets, with whom you are already enough acquainted. Your Latin will take +care of itself. Whatever more time you may have for reading, pray bestow +it upon those books which are immediately relative to your destination; +such as modern history, in the modern languages, memoirs, anecdotes, +letters, negotiations, etc. Collect also, if you can, authentically, the +present state of all the courts and countries in Europe, the characters +of the kings and princes, their wives, their ministers, and their w----s; +their several views, connections, and interests; the state of their +FINANCES, their military force, their trade, manufactures, and commerce. +That is the useful, the necessary knowledge for you, and indeed for every +gentleman. But with all this, remember, that living books are much better +than dead ones; and throw away no time (for it is thrown away) with the +latter, which you can employ well with the former; for books must now be +your only amusement, but, by no means your business. I had much rather +that you were passionately in love with some determined coquette of +condition (who would lead you a dance, fashion, supple, and polish you), +than that you knew all Plato and Aristotle by heart: an hour at +Versailles, Compiegne, or St. Cloud, is now worth more to you than three +hours in your closet, with the best books that ever were written. + +I hear the dispute between the court and the clergy is made up amicably, +both parties have yielded something; the king being afraid of losing more +of his soul, and the clergy more of their revenue. Those gentlemen are +very skillful in making the most of the vices and the weaknesses of the +laity. I hope you have read and informed yourself fully of everything +relative to that affair; it is a very important question, in which the +priesthood of every country in Europe is highly concerned. If you would +be thoroughly convinced that their tithes are of divine institution, and +their property the property of God himself, not to be touched by any +power on earth, read Fra Paolo De Beneficiis, an excellent and short +book; for which, and some other treaties against the court of Rome, he +was stilettoed; which made him say afterward, upon seeing an anonymous +book written against him by order of the Pope, 'Conosco bene to stile +Romano'. + +The parliament of Paris, and the states of Languedoc, will, I believe, +hardly scramble off; having only reason and justice, but no terrors on +their side. Those are political and constitutional questions that well +deserve your attention and inquiries. I hope you are thoroughly master of +them. It is also worth your while to collect and keep all the pieces +written upon those subjects. + +I hope you have been thanked by your ladies, at least, if not paid in +money, for the mohairs, which I sent by a courier to Paris, some time +ago, instead of sending them to Madame Morel, at Calais, as I told you I +should. Do they like them; and do they like you the better for getting +them? 'Le petite Blot devroit au moins payer de sa personne'. As for +Madame de Polignac, I believe you will very willingly hold her excused +from personal payment. + +Before you return to England, pray go again to Orli, for two or three +days, and also to St. Cloud, in order to secure a good reception there at +your return. Ask the Marquis de Matignon too, if he has any orders for +you in England, or any letters or packets for Lord Bolingbroke. Adieu! Go +on and prosper. + + + + +LETTER CLI + +GREENWICH, July 8, O. S. 1751. + +MY DEAR FRIEND: The last mail brought me your letter of the 3d July, N. +S. I am glad that you are so well with Colonel Yorke, as to be let into +secret correspondences. Lord Albemarle's reserve to you is, I believe, +more owing to his secretary than to himself; for you seem to be much in +favor with him; and possibly too HE HAS NO VERY SECRET LETTERS to +communicate. However, take care not to discover the least dissatisfaction +upon this score: make the proper acknowledgments to Colonel Yorke, for +what he does show you; but let neither Lord Albemarle nor his people +perceive the least coldness on your part, upon account of what they do +not show you. It is very often necessary, not to manifest all one feels. +Make your court to, and connect yourself as much as possible with Colonel +Yorke; he may be of great use to you hereafter; and when you take leave, +not only offer to bring over any letters or packets, by way of security; +but even ask, as a favor, to be the carrier of a letter from him to his +father, the Chancellor. 'A propos' of your coming here; I confess that I +am weakly impatient for it, and think a few days worth getting; I would, +therefore, instead of the 25th of next month, N. S., which was the day +that I some time ago appointed for your leaving Paris, have you set out +on Friday the 20th of August, N. S.; in consequence of which you will be +at Calais some time on the Sunday following, and probably at Dover within +four-and-twenty hours afterward. If you land in the morning, you may, in +a postchaise, get to Sittingborne that day; if you come on shore in the +evening, you can only get to Canterbury, where you will be better lodged +than at Dover. I will not have you travel in the night, nor fatigue and +overheat yourself by running on fourscore miles the moment you land. You +will come straight to Blackheath, where I shall be ready to meet you, and +which is directly upon the Dover road to London; and we will go to town +together, after you have rested yourself a day or two here. All the other +directions, which I gave you in my former letter, hold still the same. +But, notwithstanding this regulation, should you have any particular +reasons for leaving Paris two or three days sooner or later, than the +above mentioned, 'vous etes maitre'. Make all your arrangements at Paris +for about a six weeks stay in England at farthest. + +I had a letter the other day from Lord Huntingdon, of which one-half at +least was your panegyric; it was extremely welcome to me from so good a +hand. Cultivate that friendship; it will do you honor and give you +strength. Connections, in our mixed parliamentary government, are of +great use. + +I send you here inclosed the particular price of each of the mohairs; but +I do not suppose that you will receive a shilling for anyone of them. +However, if any of your ladies should take an odd fancy to pay, the +shortest way, in the course of business, is for you to keep the money, +and to take so much less from Sir John Lambert in your next draught upon +him. + +I am very sorry to hear that Lady Hervey is ill. Paris does not seem to +agree with her; she used to have great health here. 'A propos' of her; +remember, when you are with me, not to mention her but when you and I are +quite alone, for reasons which I will tell you when we meet: but this is +only between you and me; and I desire that you will not so much as hint +it to her, or to anybody else. + +If old Kurzay goes to the valley of Jehoshaphat, I cannot help it; it +will be an ease to our friend Madame Montconseil, who I believe maintains +her, and a little will not satisfy her in any way. + +Remember to bring your mother some little presents; they need not be of +value, but only marks of your affection and duty for one who has always +been tenderly fond of you. You may bring Lady Chesterfield a little +Martin snuffbox of about five Louis; and you need bring over no other +presents; you and I not wanting 'les petits presens pour entretenir +l'amitee'. + +Since I wrote what goes before, I have talked you over minutely with Lord +Albemarle, who told me, that he could very sincerely commend you upon +every article but one; but upon that one you were often joked, both by +him and others. I desired to know what that was; he laughed and told me +it was the article of dress, in which you were exceedingly negligent. +Though he laughed, I can assure you that it is no laughing matter for +you; and you will possibly be surprised when I assert (but, upon my word, +it is literally true), that to be very well dressed is of much more +importance to you, than all the Greek you know will, be of these thirty +years. Remember that the world is now your only business; and that you +must adopt its customs and manners, be they silly or be they not. To +neglect your dress, is an affront to all the women you keep company with; +as it implies that you do not think them worth that attention which +everybody else doth; they mind dress, and you will never please them if +you neglect yours; and if you do not please the women, you will not +please half the men you otherwise might. It is the women who put a young +fellow in fashion even with the men. A young fellow ought to have a +certain fund of coquetry; which should make him try all the means of +pleasing, as much as any coquette in Europe can do. Old as I am, and +little thinking of women, God knows, I am very far from being negligent +of my dress; and why? From conformity to custom, and out of decency to +men, who expect that degree of complaisance. I do not, indeed, wear +feathers and red heels, which would ill suit my age; but I take care to +have my clothes well made, my wig well combed and powdered, my linen and +person extremely clean. I even allow my footman forty shillings a year +extraordinary, that they may be spruce and neat. Your figure especially, +which from its stature cannot be very majestic and interesting, should be +the more attended to in point of dress as it cannot be 'imposante', it +should be 'gentile, aimable, bien mise'. It will not admit of negligence +and carelessness. + +I believe Mr. Hayes thinks that you have slighted him a little of late, +since you have got into so much other company. I do not by any means +blame you for not frequenting his house so much as you did at first, +before you had got into so many other houses more entertaining and more +instructing than his; on the contrary, you do very well; but, however, as +he was extremely civil to you, take care to be so to him, and make up in +manner what you omit in matter. See him, dine with him before you come +away, and ask his commands for England. + +Your triangular seal is done, and I have given it to an English +gentleman, who sets out in a week for Paris, and who will deliver it to +Sir John Lambert for you. + +I cannot conclude this letter without returning again to the showish, the +ornamental, the shining parts of your character; which, if you neglect, +upon my word you will render the solid ones absolutely useless; nay, such +is the present turn of the world, that some valuable qualities are even +ridiculous, if not accompanied by the genteeler accomplishments. +Plainness, simplicity, and quakerism, either in dress or manners, will by +no means do; they must both be laced and embroidered; speaking, or +writing sense, without elegance and turn, will be very little persuasive; +and the best figure in the world, without air and address, will be very +ineffectual. Some pedants may have told you that sound sense and learning +stand in, need of no ornaments; and, to support that assertion, elegantly +quote the vulgar proverb, that GOOD WINE NEEDS NO BUSH; but surely the +little experience you have already had of the world must have convinced +you that the contrary of that assertion is true. All those +accomplishments are now in your power; think of them, and of them only. I +hope you frequent La Foire St. Laurent, which I see is now open; you will +improve more by going there with your mistress, than by staying at home +and reading Euclid with your geometry master. Adieu. 'Divertissez-vous, +il n'y a rien de tel'. + + + + +LETTER CLII + +GREENWICH, July 15, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: As this is the last, or last letter but one, that I think +I shall write before I have the pleasure of seeing you here, it may not +be amiss to prepare you a little for our interview, and for the time we +shall pass together. Before kings and princes meet, ministers on each +side adjust the important points of precedence, arm chairs, right hand +and left, etc., so that they know previously what they are to expect, +what they have to trust to; and it is right they should; for they +commonly envy or hate, but most certainly distrust each other. We shall +meet upon very different terms; we want no such preliminaries: you know +my tenderness, I know your affection. My only object, therefore, is to +make your short stay with me as useful as I can to you; and yours, I +hope, is to co-operate with me. Whether, by making it wholesome, I shall +make it pleasant to you, I am not sure. Emetics and cathartics I shall +not administer, because I am sure you do not want them; but for +alteratives you must expect a great many; and I can tell you that I have +a number of NOSTRUMS, which I shall communicate to nobody but yourself. +To speak without a metaphor, I shall endeavor to assist your youth with +all the experience that I have purchased, at the price of seven and fifty +years. In order to this, frequent reproofs, corrections, and admonitions +will be necessary; but then, I promise you, that they shall be in a +gentle, friendly, and secret manner; they shall not put you out of +countenance in company, nor out of humor when we are alone. I do not +expect that, at nineteen, you should have that knowledge of the world, +those manners, that dexterity, which few people have at nine-and-twenty. +But I will endeavor to give them you; and I am sure you will endeavor to +learn them, as far as your youth, my experience, and the time we shall +pass together, will allow. You may have many inaccuracies (and to be sure +you have, for who has not at your age?) which few people will tell you +of, and some nobody can tell you of but myself. You may possibly have +others, too, which eyes less interested, and less vigilant than mine, do +not discover; all those you shall hear of from one whose tenderness for +you will excite his curiosity and sharpen his penetration. The smallest +inattention or error in manners, the minutest inelegance of diction, the +least awkwardness in your dress and carriage, will not escape my +observation, nor pass without amicable correction. Two, the most intimate +friends in the world, can freely tell each other their faults, and even +their crimes, but cannot possibly tell each other of certain little +weaknesses; awkwardnesses, and blindnesses of self-love; to authorize +that unreserved freedom, the relation between us is absolutely necessary. +For example, I had a very worthy friend, with whom I was intimate enough +to tell him his faults; he had but few; I told him of them; he took it +kindly of me, and corrected them. But then, he had some weaknesses that I +could never tell him of directly, and which he was so little sensible of +himself, that hints of them were lost upon him. He had a scrag neck, of +about a yard long; notwithstanding which, bags being in fashion, truly he +would wear one to his wig, and did so; but never behind him, for, upon +every motion of his head, his bag came forward over one shoulder or the +other. He took it into his head too, that he must occasionally dance +minuets, because other people did; and he did so, not only extremely ill, +but so awkward, so disjointed, slim, so meagre, was his figure, that had +he danced as well as ever Marcel did, it would have been ridiculous in +him to have danced at all. I hinted these things to him as plainly as +friendship would allow, and to no purpose; but to have told him the +whole, so as to cure him, I must have been his father, which, thank God, +I am not. As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be +fatherless; and, considering the general run of sons, as seldom a +misfortune to be childless. You and I form, I believe, an exception to +that rule; for, I am persuaded that we would neither of us change our +relation, were it in our power. You will, I both hope and believe, be not +only the comfort, but the pride of my age; and, I am sure, I will be the +support, the friend, the guide of your youth. Trust me without reserve; I +will advise you without private interest, or secret envy. Mr. Harte will +do so too; but still there may be some little things proper for you to +know, and necessary for you to correct, which even his friendship would +not let him tell you of so freely as I should; and some, of which he may +not possibly be so good a judge of as I am, not having lived so much in +the great world. + +One principal topic of our conversation will be, not only the purity but +the elegance of the English language; in both which you are very +deficient. Another will be the constitution of this country, of which, I +believe, you know less than of most other countries in Europe. Manners, +attentions, and address, will also be the frequent subjects of our +lectures; and whatever I know of that important and necessary art, the +art of pleasing. I will unreservedly communicate to you. Dress too +(which, as things are, I can logically prove, requires some attention) +will not always escape our notice. Thus, my lectures will be more +various, and in some respects more useful than Professor Mascow's, and +therefore, I can tell you, that I expect to be paid for them; but, as +possibly you would not care to part with your ready money, and as I do +not think that it would be quite handsome in me to accept it, I will +compound for the payment, and take it in attention and practice. + +Pray remember to part with all your friends, acquaintances, and +mistresses, if you have any at Paris, in such a manner as may make them +not only willing but impatient to see you there again. Assure them of +your desire of returning to them; and do it in a manner that they may +think you in earnest, that is 'avec onction et une espece +d'attendrissement'. All people say, pretty near the same things upon +those occasions; it is the manner only that makes the difference; and +that difference is great. Avoid, however, as much as you can, charging +yourself with commissions, in your return from hence to Paris; I know, by +experience, that they are exceedingly troublesome, commonly expensive, +and very seldom satisfactory at last, to the persons who gave them; some +you cannot refuse, to people to whom you are obliged, and would oblige in +your turn; but as to common fiddle-faddle commissions, you may excuse +yourself from them with truth, by saying that you are to return to Paris +through Flanders, and see all those great towns; which I intend you shall +do, and stay a week or ten days at Brussels. Adieu! A good journey to +you, if this is my last; if not, I can repeat again what I shall wish +constantly. + + + + +LETTER CLIII + +LONDON, December 19, O. S. 1751--[Note the date, which indicates that the +sojourn with the author has ended.] + +MY DEAR FRIEND: You are now entered upon a scene of business, where I +hope you will one day make a figure. Use does a great deal, but care and +attention must be joined to it. The first thing necessary in writing +letters of business, is extreme clearness and perspicuity; every +paragraph should be so clear and unambiguous, that the dullest fellow in +the world may not be able to mistake it, nor obliged to read it twice in +order to understand it. This necessary clearness implies a correctness, +without excluding an elegance of style. Tropes, figures, antitheses, +epigrams, etc., would be as misplaced and as impertinent in letters of +business, as they are sometimes (if judiciously used) proper and pleasing +in familiar letters, upon common and trite subjects. In business, an +elegant simplicity, the result of care, not of labor, is required. +Business must be well, not affectedly dressed; but by no means +negligently. Let your first attention be to clearness, and read every +paragraph after you have written it, in the critical view of discovering +whether it is possible that any one man can mistake the true sense of it: +and correct it accordingly. + +Our pronouns and relatives often create obscurity or ambiguity; be +therefore exceedingly attentive to them, and take care to mark out with +precision their particular relations. For example, Mr. Johnson acquainted +me that he had seen Mr. Smith, who had promised him to speak to Mr. +Clarke, to return him (Mr. Johnson) those papers, which he (Mr. Smith) +had left some time ago with him (Mr. Clarke): it is better to repeat a +name, though unnecessarily, ten times, than to have the person mistaken +once. WHO, you know, is singly relative to persons, and cannot be applied +to things; WHICH and THAT are chiefly relative to things, but not +absolutely exclusive of persons; for one may say, the man THAT robbed or +killed such-a-one; but it is better to say, the man WHO robbed or killed. +One never says, the man or the woman WHICH. WHICH and THAT, though +chiefly relative to things, cannot be always used indifferently as to +things, and the 'euoovca' must sometimes determine their place. For +instance, the letter WHICH I received from you, WHICH you referred to in +your last, WHICH came by Lord Albemarle's messenger WHICH I showed to +such-a-one; I would change it thus--The letter THAT I received from you; +WHICH you referred to in your last, THAT came by Lord Albemarle's +messenger, and WHICH I showed to such-a-one. + +Business does not exclude (as possibly you wish it did) the usual terms +of politeness and good-breeding; but, on the contrary, strictly requires +them: such as, I HAVE THE HONOR TO ACQUAINT YOUR LORDSHIP; PERMIT ME TO +ASSURE YOU; IF I MAY BE ALLOWED TO GIVE MY OPINION, etc. For the minister +abroad, who writes to the minister at home, writes to his superior; +possibly to his patron, or at least to one who he desires should be so. + +Letters of business will not only admit of, but be the better for CERTAIN +GRACES--but then, they must be scattered with a sparing and skillful +hand; they must fit their place exactly. They must decently adorn without +encumbering, and modestly shine without glaring. But as this is the +utmost degree of perfection in letters of business, I would not advise +you to attempt those embellishments, till you have first laid your +foundation well. + +Cardinal d'Ossat's letters are the true letters of business; those of +Monsieur d'Avaux are excellent; Sir William Temple's are very pleasing, +but, I fear, too affected. Carefully avoid all Greek or Latin quotations; +and bring no precedents from the VIRTUOUS SPARTANS, THE POLITE ATHENIANS, +AND THE BRAVE ROMANS. Leave all that to futile pedants. No flourishes, no +declamation. But (I repeat it again) there is an elegant simplicity and +dignity of style absolutely necessary for good letters of business; +attend to that carefully. Let your periods be harmonious, without seeming +to be labored; and let them not be too long, for that always occasions a +degree of obscurity. I should not mention correct orthography, but that +you very often fail in that particular, which will bring ridicule upon +you; for no man is allowed to spell ill. I wish too that your handwriting +were much better; and I cannot conceive why it is not, since every man +may certainly write whatever hand he pleases. Neatness in folding up, +sealing, and directing your packets, is by no means to be neglected; +though, I dare say, you think it is. But there is something in the +exterior, even of a packet, that may please or displease; and +consequently worth some attention. + +You say that your time is very well employed; and so it is, though as yet +only in the outlines, and first ROUTINE of business. They are previously +necessary to be known; they smooth the way for parts and dexterity. +Business requires no conjuration nor supernatural talents, as people +unacquainted with it are apt to think. Method, diligence, and discretion, +will carry a man, of good strong common sense, much higher than the +finest parts, without them, can do. 'Par negotiis, neque supra', is the +true character of a man of business; but then it implies ready attention +and no ABSENCES, and a flexibility and versatility of attention from one +object to another, without being engrossed by anyone. + +Be upon your guard against the pedantry and affectation of business which +young people are apt to fall into, from the pride of being concerned in +it young. They look thoughtful, complain of the weight of business, throw +out mysterious hints, and seem big with secrets which they do not know. +Do you, on the contrary, never talk of business but to those with whom +you are to transact it; and learn to seem vacuus and idle, when you have +the most business. Of all things, the 'volte sciollo', and the 'pensieri +stretti', are necessary. Adieu. + + + + +LETTER CLIV + +LONDON, December 30, O. S. 1751 + +MY DEAR FRIEND: The parliaments are the courts of justice of France, and +are what our courts of justice in Westminster-Hall are here. They used +anciently to follow the court, and administer justice in presence of the +King. Philip le Bel first fixed it at Paris, by an edict of 1302. It +consisted then of but one chambre, which was called 'la Chambre des +Prelats', most of the members being ecclesiastics; but the multiplicity +of business made it by degrees necessary to create several other +chambres. It consists now of seven chambres: + +'La Grande Chambre', which is the highest court of justice, and to which +appeals lie from the others. + +'Les cinq Chambres des Enquetes', which are like our Common Pleas, and +Court of Exchequer. + +'La Tournelle', which is the court for criminal justice, and answers to +our Old Bailey and King's Bench. + +There are in all twelve parliaments in France: 1. Paris 2. Toulouse +3. Grenoble 4. Bourdeaux 5. Dijon 6. Rouen 7. Aix en Provence +8. Rennes en Bretagne 9. Pau en Navarre 10. Metz 11. Dole en Franche +Comte 12. Douay + +There are three 'Conseils Souverains', which may almost be called +parliaments; they are those of: + +Perpignan Arras Alsace + +For further particulars of the French parliaments, read 'Bernard de la +Rochefavin des Parlemens de France', and other authors, who have treated +that subject constitutionally. But what will be still better, converse +upon it with people of sense and knowledge, who will inform you of the +particular objects of the several chambres, and the businesses of the +respective members, as, 'les Presidens, les Presidens a Mortier' (these +last so called from their black velvet caps laced with gold), 'les +Maitres tres des Requetes, les Greffiers, le Procureur General, les +Avocats Generaux, les Conseillers', etc. The great point in dispute is +concerning the powers of the parliament of Paris in matters of state, and +relatively to the Crown. They pretend to the powers of the States-General +of France when they used to be assembled (which, I think, they have not +been since the reign of Lewis the Thirteenth, in the year 1615). The +Crown denies those pretensions, and considers them only as courts of +justice. Mezeray seems to be on the side of the parliament in this +question, which is very well worth your inquiry. But, be that as it will, +the parliament of Paris is certainly a very respectable body, and much +regarded by the whole kingdom. The edicts of the Crown, especially those +for levying money on the subjects, ought to be registered in parliament; +I do not say to have their effect, for the Crown would take good care of +that; but to have a decent appearance, and to procure a willing +acquiescence in the nation. And the Crown itself, absolute as it is, does +not love that strong opposition, and those admirable remonstrances, which +it sometimes meets with from the parliaments. Many of those detached +pieces are very well worth your collecting; and I remember, a year or two +ago, a remonstrance of the parliament of Douay, upon the subject, as I +think, of the 'Vingtieme', which was in my mind one of the finest and +most moving compositions I ever read. They owned themselves, indeed, to +be slaves, and showed their chains: but humbly begged of his Majesty to +make them a little lighter, and less galling. + +THE STATES OF FRANCE were general assemblies of the three states or +orders of the kingdom; the Clergy, the Nobility, and the 'Tiers Etat', +that is, the people. They used to be called together by the King, upon +the most important affairs of state, like our Lords and Commons in +parliament, and our Clergy in convocation. Our parliament is our states, +and the French parliaments are only their courts of justice. The Nobility +consisted of all those of noble extraction, whether belonging to the +SWORD or to the ROBE, excepting such as were chosen (which sometimes +happened) by the Tiers Etat as their deputies to the States-General. The +Tiers Etat was exactly our House of Commons, that is, the people, +represented by deputies of their own choosing. Those who had the most +considerable places, 'dans la robe', assisted at those assemblies, as +commissioners on the part of the Crown. The States met, for the first +time that I can find (I mean by the name of 'les etats'), in the reign of +Pharamond, 424, when they confirmed the Salic law. From that time they +have been very frequently assembled, sometimes upon important occasions, +as making war and peace, reforming abuses, etc.; at other times, upon +seemingly trifling ones, as coronations, marriages, etc. Francis the +First assembled them, in 1526, to declare null and void his famous treaty +of Madrid, signed and sworn to by him during his captivity there. They +grew troublesome to the kings and to their ministers, and were but seldom +called after the power of the Crown grew strong; and they have never been +heard of since the year 1615. Richelieu came and shackled the nation, and +Mazarin and Lewis the Fourteenth riveted the shackles. + +There still subsist in some provinces in France, which are called 'pais d +etats', an humble local imitation, or rather mimicry, of the great +'etats', as in Languedoc, Bretagne, etc. They meet, they speak, they +grumble, and finally submit to whatever the King orders. + +Independently of the intrinsic utility of this kind of knowledge to every +man of business, it is a shame for any man to be ignorant of it, +especially relatively to any country he has been long in. Adieu. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +A favor may make an enemy, and an injury may make a friend +Affectation of business +Applauded often, without approving +At the first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft +Avoid cacophony, and, what is very near as bad, monotony +Be silent till you can be soft +Being intelligible is now no longer the fashion +Better refuse a favor gracefully, than to grant it clumsily +Bolingbroke +Bruyere +Business must be well, not affectedly dressed +Business now is to shine, not to weigh +But stoops to conquer, and but kneels to rise +Cease to love when you cease to be agreeable +Chit-chat, useful to keep off improper and too serious subjects +Committing acts of hostility upon the Graces +Concealed what learning I had +Consciousness of merit makes a man of sense more modest +Disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to oblige +Disputes with heat +Dr Fell +Easy without negligence +Elegance in one language will reproduce itself in all +Every man knows that he understands religion and politics +Every numerous assembly is MOB +Everybody is good for something +Expresses himself with more fire than elegance +Frank without indiscretion +Full-bottomed wigs were contrived for his humpback +Gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind +German, who has taken into his head that he understands French +Grow wiser when it is too late +Habitual eloquence +Hand of a school-boy +Hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind +Have you learned to carve? +If free from the guilt, be free from the suspicion, too +Inclined to be fat, but I hope you will decline it +Indolently say that they cannot do +Information implies our previous ignorance; it must be sweetened +Information is, in a certain degree, mortifying +Insinuates himself only into the esteem of fools +It is a real inconvenience to anybody to be fat +Know, yourself and others +Knowing how much you have, and how little you want +Last beautiful varnish, which raises the colors +Learn to keep your own secrets +Loved without being despised, and feared without being hated +Man of sense may be in haste, but can never be in a hurry +Mangles what he means to carve +Mazarin and Lewis the Fourteenth riveted the shackles +Meditation and reflection +Mere reason and good sense is never to be talked to a mob +Mistimes or misplaces everything +Mitigating, engaging words do by no means weaken your argument +MOB: Understanding they have collectively none +Often necessary, not to manifest all one feels +One must often yield, in order to prevail +Only because she will not, and not because she cannot +Our frivolous dissertations upon the weather, or upon whist +Outward air of modesty to all he does +Richelieu came and shackled the nation +Rochefoucault +Rochefoucault, who, I am afraid, paints man very exactly +See what you see, and to hear what you hear +Seems to have no opinion of his own +Seldom a misfortune to be childless +She has uncommon, sense and knowledge for a woman +Speaking to himself in the glass +Style is the dress of thoughts +Success turns much more upon manner than matter +Swift +Tacitus +Take characters, as they do most things, upon trust +They thought I informed, because I pleased them +Unaffected silence upon that subject is the only true medium +Unintelligible to his readers, and sometimes to himself +Use palliatives when you contradict +We love to be pleased better than to be informed +Woman like her, who has always pleased, and often been pleased +Women are the only refiners of the merit of men +Yielded commonly without conviction + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters to His Son, 1751 +by The Earl of Chesterfield + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1751 *** + +***** This file should be named 3355.txt or 3355.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/3/5/3355/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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