diff options
Diffstat (limited to '33416-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 33416-h/33416-h.htm | 10583 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 33416-h/images/i_004.png | bin | 0 -> 36255 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 33416-h/images/i_acorn.png | bin | 0 -> 854 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 33416-h/images/i_cover.jpg | bin | 0 -> 185729 bytes |
4 files changed, 10583 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/33416-h/33416-h.htm b/33416-h/33416-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..de76f62 --- /dev/null +++ b/33416-h/33416-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,10583 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Rambles in Womanland, by Max O'Rell. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .transquot{margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%;} + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Rambles in Womanland, by Max O'Rell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Rambles in Womanland + +Author: Max O'Rell + +Release Date: August 12, 2010 [EBook #33416] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 641px;"> +<img src="images/i_cover.jpg" width="641" height="1024" alt="Cover Page" title="Cover Page" /> +</div> + + +<h1>RAMBLES<br /> +IN WOMANLAND</h1> + +<h4>BY</h4> + +<h2 style='color: red'>MAX O'RELL</h2> + +<h5>AUTHOR OF<br /> +'JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND,' 'H.R.H. WOMAN,' 'BETWEEN OURSELVES,' ETC</h5> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 200px;"> +<img src="images/i_004.png" width="200" height="222" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h4 style='color: red'>SECOND EDITION</h4> + + +<h4>LONDON<br /> +<big>CHATTO & WINDUS</big><br /> +1903</h4> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg v]</span></p> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + + +<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents"> +<tr> + <td colspan="3" align="center"><big><b>PART I<br />RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND</b></big></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="center"><small>CHAPTER</small></td> + <td> </td> + <td align="right"><small>PAGE</small></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">I.</td> + <td>THOUGHTS ON LIFE IN GENERAL</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">II.</td> + <td>OH, YOU MEN!</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_5">5</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">III.</td> + <td>THE ROSE, THE LILY, AND THE VIOLET; OR, HOW DIFFERENT METHODS APPEAL TO DIFFERENT WOMEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_10">10</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IV.</td> + <td>WOMEN LOVE BETTER THAN MEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_16">16</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">V.</td> + <td>IS WOMAN A RESPONSIBLE BEING?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_19">19</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VI.</td> + <td>RAMBLES IN CUPID'S DOMAIN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_22">22</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VII.</td> + <td>WHICH SEX WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO BE?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_28">28</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VIII.</td> + <td>RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IX.</td> + <td>WOMEN AND THEIR WAYS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_41">41</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">X.</td> + <td>WOMAN'S MISSION IN THIS WORLD</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_49">49</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XI.</td> + <td>IS WOMAN INFERIOR TO MAN?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_52">52</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XII.</td> + <td>WOMEN WHO ARE FOLLOWED AND ANNOYED IN THE STREET</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIII.</td> + <td>DANGEROUS MEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_58">58</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIV.</td> + <td>THE MAN WHO SMILES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_60">60</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XV.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg vi]</span></td> + <td>WOMEN AND DOLLS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_63">63</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVI.</td> + <td>MEN AS A RULE ARE SELFISH—TWO KINDS OF SELFISH MEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_68">68</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVII.</td> + <td>EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVIII.</td> + <td>AMERICAN WOMEN IN PARIS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_74">74</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIX.</td> + <td>WOMEN WHO WALK BEST</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_77">77</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XX.</td> + <td>WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_81">81</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXI.</td> + <td>WOMEN MAY ALL BE BEAUTIFUL</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_84">84</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXII.</td> + <td>WOMEN AT SEA</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_87">87</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIII.</td> + <td>THE SECRET OF WOMAN'S BEAUTY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_91">91</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIV.</td> + <td>THE DURATION OF BEAUTY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_95">95</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXV.</td> + <td>THE WOMAN 'GOOD FELLOW'—A SOCIETY TYPE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_98">98</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVI.</td> + <td>THE WOMAN 'GOSSIP'</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_100">100</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVII.</td> + <td>LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_103">103</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVIII.</td> + <td>THE EMANCIPATION OF WOMEN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIX.</td> + <td>SHALL LOVE BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_111">111</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXX.</td> + <td>ARE MEN FAIR TO WOMEN?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_115">115</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXXI.</td> + <td>A PLEA FOR THE WORKING WOMAN</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_118">118</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXXII.</td> + <td>A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_122">122</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXXIII.</td> + <td>THE WORST FEATURE OF WOMEN AS A SEX</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_127">127</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXXIV.</td> + <td>IS HOMŒOPATHY A CURE FOR LOVE?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_131">131</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXXV.</td> + <td>DOMESTIC TYRANTS AND THEIR POOR WIVES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_135">135</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td colspan="3" align="center"><big><b>PART II<br />RAMBLES IN MATRIMONY</b></big></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">I.</td> + <td>ADVICE TO YOUNG MARRIED PEOPLE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_139">139</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">II.</td> + <td>THE MATRIMONIAL PROBLEM</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_142">142</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">III.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg vii]</span></td> + <td>WOMEN SHOULD ASSERT THEMSELVES IN MATRIMONY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_146">146</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IV.</td> + <td>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—I.</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_150">150</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">V.</td> + <td>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—II.</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_154">154</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VI.</td> + <td>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—III.</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_159">159</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VII.</td> + <td>THE START IN MATRIMONY, AND ITS DANGERS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_162">162</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VIII.</td> + <td>'OMELETTE AU RHUM'</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_166">166</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IX.</td> + <td>COQUETRY IN MATRIMONY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_169">169</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">X.</td> + <td>RESIGNATION IN MATRIMONY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_173">173</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XI.</td> + <td>TIT FOR TAT</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_176">176</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XII.</td> + <td>THE IDEAL HUSBAND</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_179">179</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIII.</td> + <td>MARRYING ABOVE OR BELOW ONE'S STATION</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_184">184</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIV.</td> + <td>PREPARE FOR MATRIMONY, BUT DO NOT OVERTRAIN YOURSELVES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_188">188</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XV.</td> + <td>ACTRESSES SHOULD NOT MARRY</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_191">191</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVI.</td> + <td>A MATRIMONIAL BOOM</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_195">195</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVII.</td> + <td>LOVE WITH WHITE HAIR</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_199">199</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td colspan="3" align="center"><big><b>PART III<br />RAMBLES EVERYWHERE</b></big></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">I.</td> + <td>LITTLE MAXIMS FOR EVERYDAY USE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_203">203</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">II.</td> + <td>DO THE BEST WITH THE HAND YOU HAVE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_207">207</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">III.</td> + <td>BEWARE OF THE FINISHING TOUCH</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_210">210</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IV.</td> + <td>THE SELFISHNESS OF SORROW</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_214">214</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">V.</td> + <td>THE RIGHT OF CHANGING ONE'S MIND</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_217">217</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VI.</td> + <td>WHAT WE OWE TO CHANCE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_220">220</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VII.</td> + <td>WE NEEDN'T GET OLD</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_223">223</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">VIII.</td> + <td>THE SECRET OF OLD AGE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_226">226</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">IX.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg viii]</span></td> + <td>ADVICE ON LETTER-POSTING</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_229">229</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">X.</td> + <td> ON PARASITES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_232">232</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XI.</td> + <td>ADVICE-GIVING</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_234">234</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XII.</td> + <td>ON HOLIDAYS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_237">237</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIII.</td> + <td>EXTRACTS FROM THE DICTIONARY OF A CYNIC</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_240">240</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIV.</td> + <td>VARIOUS CRITICISMS ON CREATION</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_243">243</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XV.</td> + <td>THE HUMOURS OF THE INCOME-TAX</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_246">246</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVI.</td> + <td>HOW TO BE ENTERTAINING</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_250">250</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVII.</td> + <td>WHAT IS GENIUS?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_253">253</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XVIII.</td> + <td>NEW AND PIQUANT CRITICISM</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_256">256</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XIX.</td> + <td>ORIGINALITY IN LITERATURE</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_259">259</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XX.</td> + <td>PLAGIARISM</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_262">262</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXI.</td> + <td>AUTOBIOGRAPHIES AND REMINISCENCES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_266">266</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXII.</td> + <td>THOUGHTS ON HATS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_270">270</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIII.</td> + <td>THOUGHTS ON EYE-GLASSES</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_273">273</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIV.</td> + <td>THOUGHTS ON UMBRELLAS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_277">277</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXV.</td> + <td>SOME AMERICAN TOPICS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_280">280</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVI.</td> + <td>SOME AMERICANS I OBJECT TO</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_283">283</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVII.</td> + <td>PATIENCE—AN AMERICAN TRAIT</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_286">286</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXVIII.</td> + <td>AMERICAN FEELINGS FOR FOREIGNERS</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_289">289</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXIX.</td> + <td>SHOULD YOUNG GIRLS READ NOVELS?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_292">292</a></td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td align="right">XXX.</td> + <td>NOW, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH FATHER?</td> + <td align="right"><a href="#Page_295">295</a></td> +</tr> +</table> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<h1>PART I</h1> + +<h2>RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND<br /><br /></h2> + + + +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<h3>THOUGHTS ON LIFE IN GENERAL</h3> + + +<p>Cupid will cause men to do many things; so will cupidity.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>I like economy too much as a virtue not to loathe +it when it becomes a vice.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Many virtues, when carried too far, become vices.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Envy is a vice which does not pay. If you let your +envy be apparent, you advertise your failure.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Nothing is less common than common-sense.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Whenever you can, pay cash for what you buy. A +bill owing is like port wine—it generally improves by +keeping.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> + +<p>There are people whose signature has no more +significance at the end of a letter of insults than it +has value at the bottom of a cheque.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The hardest thing to do in life is to make a living +dishonestly for any length of time.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The harm that happens to others very seldom does +us any good, and the good that happens to them very +seldom does us any harm. People who are successful +are neither envious, jealous, nor revengeful.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Very often a man says, 'I have made a fool of myself!' +who should only accuse his father.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A contract is a collection of clauses signed by two +honourable persons who take each other for scoundrels.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Many people make a noise for the simple reason that, +like drums, they are empty. Many others think themselves +deep who are only hollow.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Never have anything to do with women in whose +houses you never see a man. You may say what you +like, but I have heard many women admit that the +presence of a man adds a great deal of respectability to +a house.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> + +<p>If you cannot prevent evil, try not to see it. What +we do not know does not hurt us.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A self-conscious man is sometimes one who is aware +of his worth; a conceited man is generally one who is +not aware of his unworthiness.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Many a saint in a small provincial town is a devil +of a dog in the Metropolis. Life in small towns +is like life in glass-houses. The fear of the neighbour +is the beginning of wisdom.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Great revolutions were not caused by great grievances +or even great sufferings, but by great injustices.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Revolutions, like new countries, are often started by +somewhat objectionable adventurers. When they have +been successful, steady and honest people come in.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The good diplomatist is not the one who forces +events, but the one who foresees them, and, when they +come, knows how to make the best of them. The +good diplomatist is not the one who successfully takes +people in, but the one who, when he has discovered who +are his true friends, sticks to them through thick and thin.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>I prefer unrighteousness to self-righteousness. The +unrighteous man may see the error of his ways and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> +improve. He may even be lovable. The self-righteous +man is unteachable, uncharitable, unloving, unlovable, +and unlovely.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>You can judge the social standing of a woman from +the way she sits down.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman may love a man she has hated, never one +she has despised, seldom one who has been indifferent +to her.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman is seldom jealous of another on account of +her intellectual attainments, but if her bosom friend +has on purpose or by mere chance eclipsed her by her +dress at a party, they will probably be no longer on +speaking terms.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Scientific men are generally the most honest of men, +because their minds are constantly bent on the pursuit +of truth.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It requires a head better screwed on the shoulders to +stand success than to endure misfortune.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The world is not ruled by men of talent, but by men +of character.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A vain man speaks either well or ill of himself. A +modest man never speaks of himself at all.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h3>OH, YOU MEN!</h3> + + +<p>The Paris <i>Presse</i> had asked its male readers to mention +which virtue they most admire in women. Here +is the result, with the number of votes obtained by +each virtue, and truly it is not an edifying result:</p> + +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Votes for Virtues"> +<tr> + <td>1. Faithfulness</td> + <td align="right">8,278</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>2. Economy</td> + <td align="right">7,496</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>3. Kindness</td> + <td align="right">6,736</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>4. Order</td> + <td align="right">5,052</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>5. Modesty</td> + <td align="right">4,975</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>6. Devotion</td> + <td align="right">4,782</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>7. Charity</td> + <td align="right">4,575</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>8. Sweetness</td> + <td align="right">4,565</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>9. Cleanliness</td> + <td align="right">3,594</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>10. Patience</td> + <td align="right">2,750</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>11. Maternal love</td> + <td align="right">2,703</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>12. Industry</td> + <td align="right">2,125</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>13. Courage</td> + <td align="right">1,758</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>14. Discretion</td> + <td align="right">1,687</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>15. Simplicity</td> + <td align="right">1,580</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>16. Wisdom</td> + <td align="right">1,417</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>17. Honesty</td> + <td align="right">1,389</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>18. Amiability</td> + <td align="right">1,273</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>19. Chastity</td> + <td align="right">1,230</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>20. Propriety</td> + <td align="right">969</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td>21. Self-abnegation</td> + <td align="right">868</td> +</tr> +</table> + + +<p>Surely, here is food for reflections and comments. +Economy, order, and devotion head the list; chastity +and self-abnegation figure at the bottom. I should +have imagined the last two virtues would have obtained +the maximum of votes.</p> + +<p>And is it not wonderful that the most beautiful trait +in a woman's character—I mean Loyalty—should be +altogether omitted from this list of twenty-one most<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span> +characteristic virtues in women? Are we to conclude +that loyalty is a virtue for men alone, such as willpower, +magnanimity, energy, bravery, and straightforwardness?</p> + +<p>And Sincerity, that most indispensable and precious +virtue, which is supposed to make the friendship of men +so valuable, is it not also a virtue that we should value +in women?</p> + +<p>Do men mean to say that loyalty and sincerity +should not be or could not be expected to be found in +women? Woman must be sweet, of course, and be +economical. She must charm men and keep their house +on the principles of the strictest order. Lovely!</p> + +<p>I know men who allow their wives £1 a day to +keep their houses in plenty, and who spend £2 every +day at their club. Whatever the husband does, however, +the wife must be faithful, and possess patience +and self-abnegation. She must be resigned, and, mind +you, always amiable and cheerful.</p> + +<p>Poor dear fellow! the truth is, that when a man has +spent a jolly evening at his club with the 'boys,' it is +devilishly hard on him to come home at one or two in +the morning and to find his wife not amiable, not +cheerful, but suffering from the dumps, and, maybe, +not even patient enough to have waited for him. +Sometimes she does worse than this, the wretch! She +suffers from toothache or neuralgia. What of that? +She should be patient, resigned, amiable, and cheerful; +<i>c'est son métier</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + +<p>Yes, on the threshold of the twentieth century we +find man still considering woman as a pet animal or a +nice little beast of burden; sometimes as both. I +really should feel prouder of my sex if they would only +be kind enough to assert that men are not beings +inferior to monkeys and birds.</p> + +<p>For monkeys have but one rule of morality for the +manners of both sexes, and birds share with their mates +the duties of nest-building and feeding the little ones. +The latter even go further. When the female bird does +her little house duties in the nursery, the male entertains +her with a song in order to keep her cheerful.</p> + +<p>Marriage will be a failure as long as men are of +opinion that fidelity, patience, devotion, amiability, +cheerfulness, and self-abnegation are virtues expected of +women only; marriage will be a failure as long as it is +a firm, the two partners of which do not bring about the +same capital of qualities, as long as what is bad in the +goose is not bad in the gander.</p> + +<p>Certainly I like to see in a man a more powerful will +than in a woman; I like to see more sweetness in a +woman than in a man. In other words, I like to see +certain virtues or qualities more accentuated in a man, +others more accentuated in a woman; but, so far as +fidelity, kindness, order, patience, industry, discretion, +courage, devotion, self-abnegation, wisdom, honesty, +sincerity, amiability, and loyalty are concerned, I +absolutely deny that they should be womanly +virtues only. They are virtues that a man should<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> +expect to find in a woman as well as a woman in a +man.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Oh, you men, most illogical creatures in the world! +You call woman a weak being, but, although you make +laws to protect children, you make none to protect +women. Nay, on that woman whom you call weak +you impose infallibility. When you strong, bearded +men get out of the path of duty you say: 'The flesh is +weak'; but when it is a woman who does there is no +indulgence, no mercy, no pity. No extenuating circumstances +are admitted.</p> + +<p>What you most admire in women is chastity. If so, +how dare you leave unpunished the man who takes it +away from them? How is it that you receive him in +your club, welcome him in your house, and not uncommonly +congratulate him on his good fortune?</p> + +<p>I hear you constantly complain that women are too +fond of dress, too careless of the money that you make +by the sweat of your brow, too frivolous, too fond of +pleasure, and that matrimony becomes, on that account, +more and more impossible.</p> + +<p>Let me assure you that there are many young girls, +brought up by thoughtful mothers to be cheerful, +devoted, and careful wives; but, as a rule, you despise +them. You are attracted by the best dressed ones, and +you go and offer your heart to the bird with fine +feathers. You take the rose, and disdain to look at +the violet. How illogical of you to make complaints!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> +You only get what you want, and, later on, what you +deserve.</p> + +<p>The law, made by man, and the customs exact virtue +incarnate in woman. She is to have neither weaknesses, +senses, nor passions. Whatever her husband does, she +must be patient and resigned.</p> + +<p>The laws and customs would be much wiser if, +instead of demanding infallibility of women, they were +to make women's duties and virtues easier by showing +less indulgence for men, and by declaring that, in +matrimony, the same conjugal virtues are expected +alike of men as of women.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h3>THE ROSE, THE LILY, AND THE VIOLET; OR, HOW DIFFERENT +METHODS APPEAL TO DIFFERENT WOMEN</h3> + + +<p>The man butterfly is the most dangerous member of +society. He is generally handsome, amiable, persuasive, +and witty. He may be in succession cheerful, light-hearted, +poetical, and sentimental.</p> + +<p>If he comes to the rose, he says to her in his sweetest +voice: 'You are beautiful, and I love you tenderly, +ardently. I feel I can devote my whole life to you. If +you can love me, I can reward your love with a century +of constancy and faithfulness.'</p> + +<p>'Oh!' says the rose, with an air of incredulity, 'I +know what the faithfulness of the butterfly is.'</p> + +<p>'There are all sorts of butterflies,' he gently intimates; +'I know that some of them have committed +perjury and deceived roses, but I am not one of them. +Of the butterfly I have only the wings, to always bring +me back to you. I am a one-rose butterfly; if the +others are inconstant, unfaithful, liars, I am innocent of +their faults. I swear, if you will not listen to me, I +shall die, and in dying for you there will be happiness +still.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> + +<p>The rose is touched, moved and charmed with this +passionate language. 'How he loves me!' she thinks. +'After all, if butterflies are generally perfidious, it is not +his fault; he is not one of that sort.'</p> + +<p>The rose yields; she gives up to him her whole soul, +all her most exquisite perfume. After he is saturated, +he takes his flight.</p> + +<p>'Where are you going?' asks the rose.</p> + +<p>'Where am I going?' he says, with a protecting +sneer. 'Why, I am going to visit the other flowers, your +rivals.'</p> + +<p>'But you swore you would be faithful to me!'</p> + +<p>'I know, my dear; a butterfly's oath, nothing more. +You should have been wiser, and not allowed yourself to +be taken in.'</p> + +<p>Then he goes in the neighbourhood of a beautiful, +haughty, vain lily. Meantime an ugly bumble comes +near the rose and tries to sting her. She calls the +butterfly to her help, but he does not even deign to +answer. For him the rose is the past and the lily +the present. He is no more grateful than he is +faithful.</p> + + +<h4>WHEN HE MEETS THE LILY</h4> + +<p>With the lily, whom he understands well, he knows +he has to proceed in quite a different manner. He must +use flattery.</p> + +<p>'Imagine, lovely lily,' he says to her, 'that this silly +and vain rose thinks she is the queen of flowers. She is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> +beautiful, no doubt, but what is her beauty compared to +yours? What is her perfume? Almost insipid compared +to your enchanting, intoxicating fragrance. +What is her shape compared to your glorious figure? +Why, she looks like a pink cabbage. Is not, after all, +pure whiteness incomparable? My dear lady, you are +above competition.'</p> + +<p>The vain lily listens with attention and pleasure. +The wily butterfly sees he is making progress. He goes +on flattering, then risks a few words of love.</p> + +<p>'Ah!' sighs the lily, 'if you were not a fickle butterfly, +I might believe half of what you say!'</p> + +<p>'You do not know me!' he exclaims indignantly. 'I +have only the shape of a butterfly; I have not the heart +of one. How could I be unfaithful to you if you loved +me? Are you not the most beautiful of flowers? How +could it be possible for me to prefer any other to you? +No, no; for the rest of my life there will be but the lily +for me.'</p> + +<p>The vanity of the lily is flattered, she believes him, +and gives herself up to the passionate embrace of the +butterfly.</p> + +<p>'Oh, beloved one,' she exclaims in ecstasy, 'you will +love me for ever; you will always be mine as I am +yours!'</p> + +<p>'To tell you the truth, my dear lily,' says the butterfly +coolly, 'you are very nice, but your perfume is +rather strong, a little vulgar, and one gets tired of it +quickly. I am not sure that I do not prefer the rose<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> +to you. Now, be good, and let me go quickly. I am +a butterfly. I cannot help my nature; I was made like +that. Good-bye!'</p> + + +<h4>THE MODEST VIOLET</h4> + +<p>Then he flies towards a timid violet, modestly hidden +in the ivy near the wall. Her sweet odour reveals her +presence. So he stops and says to her:</p> + +<p>'Sweet, exquisite violet, how I do love you! Other +flowers may be beautiful, my darling, but that is all. +You, besides, are good and modest; as for your sweet, +delicious perfume, it is absolutely beyond competition. +I might admire a rose or a lily for a moment, lose my +head over them, but not my heart. You alone can +inspire sincere and true love. If you will marry me—for +you do not imagine that I could ask you to love me +without at the same time asking you to be my wife—we +will lead a quiet, retired life of eternal bliss, hidden in +the ivy, far from the noise and the crowd.'</p> + +<p>'This would be beautiful,' says the violet, 'but I am +afraid you are too brilliant for me, and I too modest +and humble for you. I have been warned against you. +People say you are fickle.'</p> + +<p>'Who could have slandered me so? Your modesty +is the very thing that has attracted me to you. I have +crossed the garden without looking at any other flower +in order to come to you straight. What I want is a +heart like yours—tender, faithful—a heart that I may +feel is mine for the rest of my days.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> + +<p>And he swears his love, always promising matrimony +as soon as a few difficulties, 'over which he has no +control,' are surmounted. The poor little violet is +fascinated, won; she loves him, and gives herself to +him; but it is not long before he goes.</p> + +<p>'Surely,' she says, with her eyes filled with tears, 'you +are not going to abandon me. You are not going to +leave me to fight the great big battle of life alone, with +all the other flowers of the garden to sneer at me and +despise me! Oh no, dear; I have loved you with my +modest soul; I have given you all I have in the world. +No, no, you are not going away, never to return again! +It would be too cruel! No, the world is not so bad as +that; you will return, won't you?'</p> + +<p>'I feel very sorry for you, dear—really very sorry; +but, you see, I cannot. I am a gentleman, and I have +my social position to think of. I am sure you understand +that. You say you are fond of me; then you will +put yourself in my place, and conclude that I have done +the best I could for you. Good-bye! Forget me as +quickly as you can.'</p> + +<p>The little violet commits suicide; and the butterfly, +reading an account of it in the following day's papers, +has not even a tear to shed, no remorse, no regret.</p> + + +<h4>A SHINING SOCIAL LIGHT.</h4> + +<p>He is called by his club friends 'a devil of a fellow +with the girls,' and that is almost meant as a compliment. +As for the women of the very best society, he is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> +thought rather enterprising and dangerous; but I have +never heard that, for his conduct, he has ever been +turned out of a respectable house or of a decent club.</p> + +<p>There is one drawback to the perfect happiness of the +butterfly: he is generally in love with a worthless +woman, who makes a fool of him.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN LOVE BETTER THAN MEN</h3> + + +<p>How many people understand what love means? How +many appreciate it? How many ever realize what it +is? For some it is a more or less sickly sentiment, for +others merely violent desires.</p> + +<p>Alas! it requires so many qualifications to appreciate +love that very few people are sufficiently free from some +vulgarity or other to be worthy of speaking of love +without profanity.</p> + +<p>Love requires too much constancy to suit the light-hearted, +too much ardour to suit calm temperaments, +too much reserve to suit violent constitutions, too much +delicacy to suit people destitute of refinement, too much +enthusiasm to suit cool hearts, too much diplomacy to +suit the simple-minded, too much activity to suit indolent +characters, too many desires to suit the wise.</p> + +<p>See what love requires to be properly and thoroughly +appreciated, and you will easily understand why it must +be in woman's nature to love better and longer than +man.</p> + +<p>Men can worship better than women, but women can +love better than men. Of this there can be no doubt.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<p>Very often women believe that they are loved when +they are only ardently desired because they are beautiful, +piquant, elegant, rich, difficult to obtain, and because +men are violent, ambitious, wilful, and obstinate; and +the more obstacles there are in their way, the more bent +they feel on triumphing over difficulties.</p> + +<p>To obtain a woman men will risk their lives, ruin +themselves, commit any act of folly or extravagance +which you care to name. Women are flattered by +these follies and extravagances due to motives of very +different characters; but they mistake passion for love.</p> + +<p>Yet passion is very seldom compatible with true love. +Passion is as fickle as love is constant. Passion is but a +proof of vanity and selfishness.</p> + +<p>Woman is only the pretext for the display of it. +Singers, actresses, danseuses, all women detached from +that shade and mystery in which love delights in dwelling, +women who give to the public all the treasures +of their beauty, amiability, and talent are those who +inspire in men the most violent passions, but they are +seldom truly loved unless they consent to retire from +the glare of the footlights and withdraw to the shade.</p> + +<p>Passion excites vanity, noise, envy: it plays to the +gallery. Love seeks retirement, and prefers a moss +bank against some wall covered with ivy, some solitude +where silence is so perfect that two hearts can hear each +other beat, where space is so small that lips must +forcibly meet.</p> + +<p>The man who takes his bride to Paris for the honeymoon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> +does not really love her. If he loves truly he +will take her to the border of a forest in some secluded, +picturesque spot, where nature will act as a church in +which both will fervently worship.</p> + +<p>Now, with very few exceptions, women understand +these things much better than men. They are born +with feelings of delicacy and refinement that only few +men can acquire or develop; they are more earnest, +more poetical, better diplomatists, and of temperaments +generally more artistic.</p> + +<p>Besides—and it is in this that they are infinitely +superior to men—whereas many men see their love +cooled by possession, all women see theirs increased +and sealed by it.</p> + +<p>The moment a woman is possessed by the man she +loves, she belongs to him body, heart, and soul. Her +love is the occupation of her life, her only thought, and, +I may add without the slightest idea of irreverence, her +religion.</p> + +<p>She loves that man as she does God. If all men +could only be sufficiently impressed with this fact, how +kind and devoted to women they would be!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h3>IS WOMAN A RESPONSIBLE BEING?</h3> + + +<p>There are nations still in existence where women are +denied the possession of a soul; but these nations are +not civilized. Now, Germany and England are civilized +nations, yet I am not sure that some Germans and +Englishmen really admit that women are beings possessed +of a mind.</p> + +<p>I have constantly heard Englishmen of 'the good old +school' say: 'If a man steals my horse, my dog, my +poultry, I have him arrested, and he gets a few months' +imprisonment; if he steals my wife, he remains at large, +unmolested. Yet, is not my wife my most valuable +property?' And that good Englishman is absolutely +persuaded that his argument is unanswerable.</p> + +<p>The other day, in a German paper, I read the following +exquisitely delicious remark: 'We have a treaty of +extradition with Switzerland. If the man Giron had +stolen the least valuable horse of the Crown Prince of +Saxony, we could have had him arrested in Geneva and +returned to us; but as he only stole the wife of that +prince, the mother of his children, we can do nothing.'</p> + +<p>From all this we are bound to conclude that, in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> +eyes of many Germans and some Englishmen, a woman is +like a horse or any other animal, a thing, a 'brute of no +understanding,' a being without a mind. In my ignorance +I thought that when women left their husbands to +follow other men, they were, rightly or wrongly, using +their own minds, acting on their own responsibility and +on their own good or bad judgment.</p> + +<p>In other words, I thought that they were thinking +beings.</p> + +<p>When a man steals a horse, he takes him by the +mane or the mouth and pulls him away with him. He +does not say to the animal, 'I like you; I will treat +you better than your master; will you come with me?' +He steals him, as he would an inanimate thing.</p> + +<p>When a man asks a woman to elope with him, he +says to her: 'I love you, I know you love me; leave +your husband, who makes you unhappy, and come with +me, who will make you happy.' She reflects, and, +through feelings of despair, of love, of passion, she +yields, and answers, 'Yes, I will.'</p> + +<p>Now, her resolution may be most reprehensible, her +conduct immoral; she may be a fool, anything you like, +but she is not carried off by force. She acts of her own +accord and free will, and is, I imagine, prepared to meet +the consequences of her actions.</p> + +<p>I have heard an English magistrate say to a man +whose wife was accused of disorderly conduct: 'You +should look after your wife better than you do, and, in +future, I will make you responsible for what she does.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> +To-day I will impose a fine of ten shillings. If you pay +it, I will set her free.'</p> + +<p>Now, this argument would be fairly good if the +accused had been a dog. I should understand a magistrate +saying to a man: 'Your dog is a nuisance and a +source of danger to your neighbours; if he causes any +more damage, if I hear again that he has killed your +neighbour's cat, eaten his poultry, or bitten his children, +I will hold you responsible, and make you pay the +damages, <i>plus</i> some compensation.' But a wife!—inasmuch +that, mind you, when a woman has committed a +murder in England, it is she who is hanged, not her +husband.</p> + +<p>I believe that women are quite prepared to accept the +responsibility of their actions. The emancipation of +woman should be an accomplished fact by the declaration +that she can do evil as well as good. And I am +sure that if she wants credit for whatever good she +does, she is also ready to accept the consequences of the +mischief, to herself or to others, which she may make.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h3>RAMBLES IN CUPID'S DOMAIN</h3> + + +<p>Love performs daily miracles. It causes people to see +with closed eyes, and to see nothing with open ones.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women worship sacrifice to the extent of wishing us +to believe (perhaps they believe it themselves) that, even +at the altar of love, they make a sacrifice. Women in +love have an irresistible craving for sacrifice.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>I have heard of women being so much in love as to +declare to their husbands that they would not want a +new hat for another month.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The world of love can boast a roll of demi-gods, +heroes, martyrs, and saints that would put into the +shade those of Paradise and Olympus.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love, after being conquered, has to be reconquered +every day. Love is like money invested in doubtful +stock, which has to be watched at every moment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> +Speculators know this; but married men and women +too often ignore it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In love the hand lies much less than the lips and the +eyes. A certain pressing of the hand is often the most +respectful and surest of proofs of love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The language of the hand is most eloquent. Who +has not been able to translate a pressure from a woman's +hand by 'stay' or 'go'? How a woman can say to +you with her hand 'I love you' or 'I cannot love you'!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Whoever says that two kisses can be perfectly alike +does not know the A B C of love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>No two acts dictated, or even suggested, by love +should ever be alike.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In love it is better to be a creditor than a debtor.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Think of the torrents of harmony which maestros +have composed with seven notes; the millions of thoughts +which have been expressed with a score of letters; think +of all the exploits, deeds of valour, and crimes that have +been committed under the influence of love!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love is not compatible with conceit; the love of self<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> +excludes all other. Even injury cannot cure love; if it +does, there was in the person much more conceit than +love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When a man and a woman have pronounced together +the three sacramental words 'I love you,' they become +priest and priestess of the same temple. In order to +keep the sacred fire alive, they must be careful not to +stifle it by an excess of fuel or to let it go out for want +of air.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When you are in love, do not be over-sensitive, but +always imagine that the other is. Thus your susceptibility +will never be wounded, nor will that of your +partner be.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Woe to people in love who satisfy all their desires in +a week, in a month, in a year! Two lovers, or married +people, should die without having drunk the cup of love +to the last dregs.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Absence is a tonic for love only when men and women +love with all their heart and soul. When they do not, +the ancient proverb is still true: 'Far from the eyes, far +from the heart.'</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A beautiful woman is jealous of no woman, not even<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +of a George Sand, a George Eliot, or of a queen; but a +duchess may be jealous of a chambermaid.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>All the love-letters of a woman are not worth one of +her smiles.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>If a woman wants to know the secret for remaining +loved a long time, let her keep this recipe in mind: +Give much, give more still, but be sure that you do not +give all. Cupid is a little ungrateful beast, who takes +his flight when expectations cease to whet his appetite.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>For common mortals, desire engenders love, and love +kills desire; for the elect, love is the son of desire and +the prolific father of a thousand new desires.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>To conquer a man is nothing for a woman to boast +of, but to conquer a woman is a real victory, because +it requires in a man, to conquer a woman, far more +qualities than it requires in a woman to conquer a +man.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There is a touching exchange of amiable services +between the sexes. The man of twenty often receives +his first lesson in love from a woman of forty; and the +woman of twenty generally receives hers from a man of +forty.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> + +<p>The following are among the little tortures which +people in love take pleasure in inflicting upon themselves-:</p> + +<p>'Amelia has been coughing twice to-day. I wonder +if the poor darling is consumptive? An aunt of hers +died of consumption. She was an aunt only by marriage, +but when those confounded microbes enter a family, no +one knows the mischief they may do!'</p> + +<p>'George did not notice I had a carnation, his favourite +flower, on my corsage the whole of last evening. He +loves me no more.'</p> + +<p>'Do I love Algy—do I adore him as he deserves? +Am I worthy of him? Shall I be able to keep the +love of a man so handsome, so kind, so clever? This +morning he did not kiss me with the same ardour. +Perhaps he has not courage enough to confess that he +does not love me as much as he used to.'</p> + +<p>'I am too happy. Something tells me it cannot last. +I have a presentiment that a great misfortune is going +to happen. Our love cannot possibly enjoy such bliss +for long. I feel I am going to cry.'</p> + +<p>And she bursts into hot tears.</p> + +<p>'To-day Arthur met me at the appointed time to +the minute. Formerly he used to be in advance—always. +I told him so, and he said, showing me the +time by his watch, that he was quite punctual. He +ought to have been pleased with my remark, and have +answered otherwise. I wonder if there is anything +wrong?'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> + +<p>'He never notices my dresses as he used to. Yesterday +I changed the bow I had on, and he made no +remark. I know all his cravats, every one of them. I +also know when he has tied them before a glass, and +when he has not. He does not love me as I love him.'</p> + +<p>'I am quite happy when my hands are in his, but he +is not satisfied with that; he always wants to kiss me. +He loves me with his senses, not with his heart. They +say all men are the same. I thought George was +different from all of them!'</p> + +<p>'I have always heard that love is the most sublime +joy on earth. I love and I am loved; yet I want to cry, +and I don't know why. Oh, why?'</p> + +<p>'Why do I find that Angelina looks better in gray +than in red? I ought to admire her in whatever colour +she has on. Should I make such a remark if my love +was intense? Was I a brute for making it before her? +She has been sad ever since. But why does she wear +red? Red does not suit a blonde. Red is for brunettes. +Yet, can I tell her that? Of course, I cannot. I must +not imagine that she does not know that herself, and +besides, I should find her beautiful in anything. I am +an ass, a silly ass!'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h3>WHICH SEX WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO BE?</h3> + + +<p>I once heard a Frenchman say, 'My wife could do +without me, but I couldn't do without her;' but, as a +rule, the Frenchman who has had the good fortune of +marrying an intelligent wife becomes so dependent on +her, so much under her influence, that no general rule +should be drawn from the remark. When a man and +wife have lived happily together, I find, from my +personal observations, that when one has gone, it is +generally the woman who can better do without the +man than the reverse.</p> + +<p>Of course, the question is very complex, and one +which I would rather ask than answer. If sexes could +do one without the other, and resolved to do it for fifty +years, the world would put up its shutters. May not +the question resolve itself into the following: Of old +bachelors and old maids, which are the happier?</p> + +<p>Even this question is not a fair one, because it must +be admitted that society, which is very lenient over the +peccadilloes of unmarried men, frowns unmercifully over +those of unmarried women. Shall we then say, Of old +bachelors and old maids, who have led monachal lives,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> +which have been the happier, and would be the more +ready to decline matrimony if the opportunity were +again offered to them? Now, can you answer the +question more easily? Well, if you can, I can't, and +if you have anything to say on the subject I shall be +glad to hear it.</p> + +<p>Personally, I think the question practically amounts +to this: Which would you rather be, a man or a +woman?</p> + +<p>Now, this is a question which my readers will find +difficulty in answering, and even in speaking about, with +authority, as each of them has only had the experiences +of one sex.</p> + +<p>Before answering it, we must indeed talk it over with +some very intimate and trustworthy friends of the other +sex, and compare their sentiments and sensations with +our own. We must recall to our minds all the observations +which we have made on the lives of men and +women whom we have known. Let us not follow the +example of the woman who would be a man 'because +men are free,' and the man who would be a woman +'because women are admired,' for the reason that all +men are not free, and women are far from being all +admired.</p> + +<p>I have interviewed on the subject many men and +many women, and I have found an enormous majority +of women who would elect to be men, and only a very +small minority of men who would elect to be women. +Conclusion: most people would elect to be men.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<p>I am a man, and if I were to be born again and asked +to make a choice, I would elect to be a man; but the +reason may be that I possess many failings of which I +am aware, and also a few qualities which the most imperfect +of us must necessarily possess who are not +absolute objects of perdition.</p> + +<p>For let us say at once that sex suits character.</p> + +<p>I love freedom and hate conventionalities; I am a +man of action, and must always be up and doing. I do +not believe that I am in any way tyrannical, yet I like +to lead and have my own way. If the position of first +fiddle is engaged, I decline to form part of the orchestra. +Most of these characteristics are failings, perhaps even +faults, but I possess them, and I cannot help possessing +them, and they naturally induce me to prefer being a +man.</p> + +<p>I have made my confession, let my readers make +theirs instead of taking me to task. I hate to feel protected, +to be petted, but I would love to protect and +pet a beloved one, whom I would think weaker than +myself. I am a born fighter, and I don't care for +smooth paths, unless I can make them smooth myself +for my own use and also for the use of those who walk +through life by my side.</p> + +<p>But, leaving aside personal characteristics which +would lead me to elect to be a man, there are many +reasons which would cause me to make that choice quite +independent of my character. Nature has given women +beauty of face and figure, but there she stopped, and to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> +make her pay for that gift she has handicapped her in +every possible way.</p> + +<p>And when I consider that there are in this world +more ugly women than beautiful ones, and that an ugly +woman is the abomination of desolation, an anomaly, a +freak, I altogether fail to see why ninety women out +of a hundred should return thanks for being women. +I have no hesitation in saying that the woman who is +not beautiful has no <i>raison d'être</i>, and that only a few +beautiful women are happy to be alive after they are +forty.</p> + +<p>Women have terrible grievances, many of which +society and legislation (that is to say, in the second +case, man) ought to redress. But the greatest grievances +of women are, to my mind, against nature. These +grievances cannot and will never be redressed.</p> + +<p>In love woman has an unfair position. She gets old +when a man of the same age remains young. In every +race she is handicapped out of any chance of winning or +even getting a dead heat. For these reasons especially +I should elect to be a man.</p> + +<p>Ah, what a pity we cannot decide our fate in every +phase of life! in which case I would elect to be a +beautiful woman from twenty to thirty, a brilliant +officer from thirty to forty, a celebrated painter from +forty to fifty, a famous poet or novelist from fifty to +sixty, Prime Minister of England or President of the +United States from sixty to seventy, and a Cardinal for +the rest of my life.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h3>RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND</h3> + + +<p>When a woman says of her husband, 'He is a wretch!' +she may still love him; probably she does. When she +says, 'Oh, he is a good sort'—poor fellow!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>After bravery and generosity, tact and discretion +are the two qualities that women most admire in +men; audacity comes next.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Speaking of his wife, a Duke says, 'The Duchess'; +a man standing always on ceremony, 'Mrs. B.'; a +gentleman, 'My wife'; an idiot, 'My better half'; a +common man, 'The missus'; a working man, as a +compliment, 'The old woman'; a French grocer, 'La +patronne'; a French working man, 'La bourgeoise.' +The sweet French word 'épouse' is only used now by +Paris concierges.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women are roses. I always suspected it from the +thorns.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In the good old times of poetry and adventures,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> +when a man was refused a girl by her parents, he +carried her off; now he asks for another. But, then, +posting exists no longer except for letters, and there is +no poetry in eloping in a railroad car. Oh, progress! +oh, civilization! such is thy handicraft! Dull, +prosaic times we are living in!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Woman is an angel who may become a devil, a sister +of mercy who may change into a viper, a ladybird who +may be transformed into a stinging-bee. Sometimes +she never changes, and all her lifetime remains angel, +sister of mercy, ladybird, and sweet fragrant flower. +It depends a great deal on the gardener.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When a man is on the wrong path in life, it is +seldom he does not meet a woman who says to him, +'Don't go that way'; but when it is a woman who +has lost her way, she always meets a man who indicates +to her the wrong path.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The Lord took from man a rib, with which He +made a woman. As soon as this process was finished, +woman went back to man, and took the rest of him, +which she has kept ever since.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The heart is a hollow and fleshy muscle which causes +the blood to set in motion. It appears that this is +what we love with. Funny!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> + +<p>Circe was an enchantress who changed men into pigs. +Why do I say was? I don't think that she is dead.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women were not born to command, but they have +enough inborn power to govern man who commands, +and, as a rule, the best and happiest marriages are +those where women have most authority, and where +their advice is oftenest followed.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There are three ways for a man to get popular with +women. The first is to love them, the second to sympathize +with their inclinations, and the third to give +them reasons that will raise them in their own estimation. +In other words, love them, love what they love, +or cause them to love themselves better. Love, always +love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman knows that a man is in love with her long +before he does. A woman's intuition is keener than +her sight; in fact, it is a sixth sense given to her by +nature, and which is more powerful than the other five +put together.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Very beautiful, as well as very good, women are +seldom very clever or very witty; yet a beautiful woman +who is good is the masterpiece of creation.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman will often more easily resist the love which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> +she feels for a man than the love which she inspires in +him. It is in the most beautiful nature of woman to +consider herself as a reward, but it is also, unfortunately +for her, too often her misfortune.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>We admire a foreigner who gets naturalized in our +own country, and despise a compatriot who makes a +foreigner of himself. If a man joins our religion, we +call him converted; if one of ours goes over to another, +we call him perverted. In the same way, we blame the +inconstancy of a woman when she leaves us for another, +and we find her charming when she leaves another to +come to us.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The reputation that a woman should try to obtain +and deserve is to be a sensible woman in her house and +an amiable woman in society.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Frivolous love may satisfy a man and a woman for a +time, but only true and earnest love can satisfy a +husband and a wife. Only this kind of love will +survive the thousand-and-one little drawbacks of matrimony.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Men and women can no more conceal the love they +feel than they can feign the one which they feel not.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love feeds on contrasts to such an extent that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> +see dark men prefer blondes, poets marry cooks and +laundresses, clever men marry fools, and giants marry +dwarfs.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>God has created beautiful women in order to force +upon men the belief in His existence.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Like all the other fruits placed on earth for the +delectation of men, the most beautiful women are not +always the best and the most delicious.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In the heroic times of chivalry men drew their +swords for the sake of women; in these modern prosaic +ones they draw their cheques.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women entertain but little respect for men who have +blind confidence in their love and devotion; they much +prefer those who feel that they have to constantly keep +alive the first and deserve the second.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman can take the measure of a man in half the +time it takes a man to have the least notion of a +woman.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There are three kinds of men: those who will come +across temptations and resist them, those who will avoid +them for fear of succumbing, and those who seek them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> +Among the first are to be found only men whose love +for a woman is the first consideration of their lives.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Young girls should bear in mind that husbands are +not creatures who are always making love, any more +than soldiers are men who are always fighting.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A love affair will interest even a very old woman, +just as the account of a race will always interest an +old jockey. Habit, you see!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The friendship of women for women is very often less +based on love, or even sympathy, than on little indiscreet +confidences which they may have made to one +another.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In order that love may be lasting, it must be closely +allied with tried friendship. One cannot replace the +other, but so long as both march abreast, living +together, a man and a woman can find life delicious.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It is not matrimony that kills love, but the way in +which many people live in the state of matrimony. +It may be affirmed, however, that only intelligent +diplomatists (alas! the select few!) can make love +last long in matrimonial life.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women who suggest to the mind notes of interrogation<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> +are more interesting than those, too perfect, who +only suggest notes of admiration.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Constant reproaches do not kill love so quickly and +so surely as constant reminders of what one has done to +deserve gratitude. Why? Simply because Cupid loves +freedom, and lives on it. To ask for love as a debt of +gratitude is like forcing it, and the failure is fatal.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women are all actresses. What makes actresses so +fascinating and attractive to men is that they are +women twice over.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Woman is weak and man is strong—so we constantly +hear, at any rate. Then why, in the name of common-sense, +do we expect to find in women virtues that +demand a strength of which we men are not capable?</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There are women in the world who love with such +ardour, such sincerity, and such devotion, that, after +their death, they ought to be canonized.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love is a divine law; duty is only a human—nay, +only a social—one. That is why love will always +triumph over duty; it is the greater of the two.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Lovers are very much like thieves; they proceed very +much in the same way, and the same fate eventually<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> +awaits them. First, they take superfluous precautions; +then by degrees they neglect them, until they forget to +take the necessary ones, and they are caught.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A man who has been married enters the kingdom of +heaven ex-officio, having served his purgatory on earth; +but if he has been married twice he is invariably refused +admittance, as the Sojourn of the Seraphs is no place +for lunatics.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>As long as there is one woman left on the face of +the earth, and one man left to observe her, the +world will be able to hear something new about +women.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A man may be as perfect as you like, he will never +be but a rough diamond until he has been cut and +polished by the delicate hand of a woman.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Middle-aged and elderly men are often embellished +by characteristic lines engraven on their faces, but +women are not jealous of them.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman who marries a second time runs two risks: +she may regret that she lost her first husband, or that +she did not always have the second one. But, in the +first case, her second husband may regret her first one +even more than she does, and tell her so, too.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> + +<p>Many men say that they marry to make an end; but +they forget that if marriage is for them an end, it is a +beginning for the women, and then, look out!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It is a great misfortune not to be loved by the one +you love; but it is a still greater one to be loved by the +one whom you have ceased to love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love is like most contagious diseases: the more +afraid you are of it, the more likely you are to catch it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Men and women have in common five senses; but +women possess a sixth one, by far the keenest of all—intuition. +For that matter, women do not even think, +argue, and judge as safely as they feel.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Cupid and Hymen are brothers, but, considering the +difference in their temperaments, they cannot be sons +by the same wife.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The motto of Cupid is, 'All or nothing'; that of +Hymen, 'All and nothing.'</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love is more indulgent than Friendship for acts of +infidelity.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>If men were all deaf, and women all blind, matrimony +would stand a much better chance of success.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN AND THEIR WAYS</h3> + + +<p>I sometimes wonder how some women dare go out when +it is windy. Their hats are fixed to their hair by +means of long pins; their hair is fixed to their heads by +means of short ones, and sometimes it happens that +their heads are fixed to their shoulders by the most +delicate of contrivances. Yes, it is wonderful!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Fiction is full of Kings and Princes marrying shepherdesses +and beggar-maids; but in reality it is only +the Grand-Ducal House of Tuscany, which for nearly +three hundred years has exhibited royal Princesses +running away with dancing masters and French masters +engaged at their husbands' courts.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A man in love is always interesting. What a pity it +is that husbands cannot always be in love!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Men who always praise women do not know them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> +well; men who always speak ill of them do not know +them at all.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>What particularly flatters the vanity of women is to +know that some men love them and dare not tell +them so. However, they do not always insist on those +men remaining silent for ever.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The saddest spectacle that the world can offer is +that of a sweet, sensible, intelligent woman married +to a conceited, tyrannical fool.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The mirror is the only friend who is allowed to know +the secrets of a woman's imperfections.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When a woman is deeply in love, the capacity of her +heart for charity is without limit. If all women were +in love there would be no poverty on the face of the +earth.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The fidelity of a man to the woman he loves is not a +duty, but almost an act of selfishness. It is for his own +sake still more than for hers that he should be faithful +to her.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Two excellent kinds of wine mixed together may +make a very bad drink. An excellent man and a very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> +good woman married together may make an abominable +match.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Jealousy, discreet and delicate, is a proof of modesty +which should be appreciated by the very woman who +should resent violent jealousy.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When you constantly hear the talent or the wit of a +woman praised, you may take it for granted that she is +not beautiful. If she were, you would hear her beauty +praised first of all.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It is slow poison that kills love most surely. Love +will survive even infidelity rather than boredom or +satiety.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Men study women, and form opinions, generally +wrong ones. Women look at men, guess their character, +and seldom make mistakes.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>All the efforts that an old woman makes to hide her +age only help to advertise it louder.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Of a man and a woman, it is the one who is loved, +but who does not love, that is the unhappier of the +two.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> + +<p>Women often see without looking; men often look +without seeing.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>I know handsome men who are bald, and there are +not a few, but many, who derive distinction from this +baldness. There are men—severe, stern types of men—who +are not disfigured, but improved, by spectacles. +Just imagine, if you can, the possibility of a bald woman +with spectacles inspiring a tender passion! So much +for the infallibility of the proverb, 'What's sauce for +the goose is sauce for the gander,' so often quoted by +women when they are told that men can afford to do +this or that, but not they. Lady women-righters, please +answer.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In the tender relations between men and women, +novelty is a wonderful attraction, and habit a powerful +bond; but between the two there is a bottomless precipice +into which love often falls, never to be heard of +afterward. Happy those who know how to bridge over +the chasm!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman never forgets, however old she may be, that +she was once very beautiful. Why should she? The +pity is that she very often forgets that she is so no +longer. My pet aversion in society is the woman of +sixty who succeeds in making herself look fifty, thinks +she is forty, acts as if she were thirty, and dresses as if +she were twenty.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> + +<p>I am not prepared to say that celibacy is preferable +to marriage; it has, however, this decided advantage +over it: a bachelor can always cease to be one the +moment he has discovered that he has made a mistake.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women are extremists in everything. Poets, painters +and sculptors know this so well that they have always +taken women as models for War, Pestilence, Death, +Famine and Justice, Virtue, Glory, Victory, Pity, +Charity. On the other hand, virtues and vices, blessings +and calamities of a lesser degree are represented +by men. Such are Work, Perseverance, Laziness, +Avarice, etc.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It is not given to any man or woman to fall in love +more than once with the same person. And although +men and women may love several times in succession, +they can only once love to the fulness of their hearts.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love does to women what the sun does to flowers: it +colours them, embellishes them, makes them look +radiant and beautiful; but when it is too ardent it +consumes and withers them.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There are two terribly embarrassing moments in the +life of a man. The first is when he has to say 'all' to +the woman he loves, and the second when all is said.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span></p> + +<p>If a man is not to a certain extent ill at ease in +the presence of a woman, you may be quite sure that +he does not really love her.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A woman explains the beauty of a woman; a man +feels it. A man does not always know why a woman is +beautiful; a woman always does.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The sweetest music in the ears of a woman is the +sound of the praises of the man whom she loves.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It is a mistake for a married couple to consider that +marriage has made them one. To be attractive to each +other they should each preserve their personality +quite distinct. Marriage is very often dull because +man and wife are one, and feel lonely. Most people +get bored in their own company.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Happiness in matrimony is sober, serious, based on +love, confidence, and friendship. Those who seek in +it frivolity, pleasure, noise, and passion condemn +themselves to penal servitude.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The great misfortune of mankind is that matrimony +is the only vocation for which candidates have had no +training; yet it is the one that requires the most +careful preparation.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> + +<p>On the part of a husband, violent jealousy is an +insult to his wife, but delicate, discreet jealousy is +almost a compliment to her, for it proves his lack of +self-confidence, and that sometimes he feels he is not +good enough for her, not worthy of her.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Most women have the hearts of poets and the minds +of diplomatists. What makes a wife so useful to an +ambassador is that she adds her own power of intuition +to the five senses already possessed by her husband.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love in matrimony can live only on condition that +man and wife remain interesting in each other's eyes. +Devotion, fidelity, attention to duty, and all the troop +of domestic virtues will not be sufficient to keep love +alive.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Beauty is not the mother of Love. On the contrary, +it is often love which engenders beauty, gives brilliancy +to the eyes, gracefulness to the body, vibration to the +voice. Love is the sun that hatches the flowers of +the soul. The face which reflects all the inner sentiments +of the heart betrays the love of its owner, and is +beautiful.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Those who in good faith promise eternal love and +those who believe in such promises are dupes—the +former of their hearts, the latter of their vanity.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> +Wine well taken care of improves by keeping, but +not for ever; it is destined to turn to vinegar sooner +or later.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Love is a great healer. The worst characteristic +traits of a man and of a woman have been known to be +cured by it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Men and women do not love before they are thirty, +men especially. Until then it is little more than +rehearsing. Fortunate are those who retain for the +play the same company they had engaged for the +rehearsal.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h3>WOMAN'S MISSION IN THIS WORLD</h3> + + +<p>Naturalists make little difference between women and +the other females of the animal kingdom: they declare +that the mission of woman is to be a mother. Napoleon +I., who was a naturalist, being asked to give a +definition of the best woman, answered: 'The one who +bears most children.' And as for him man was mere +'cannon flesh,' I am surprised he did not say, 'The one +who bears most boys.'</p> + +<p>Moralists are kinder to women; they go so far as to +grant that woman's mission is twofold: that she is +intended to be a wife and a mother; that she is to be +the guardian of the hearth, submissive and devoted to +man, her lord and master; to look after her household, +and be absorbed by her duties toward her husband +and children.</p> + +<p>No sinecure, this mission of woman, as you see—no +joke either; but moralists have no sense of humour—not +a particle of it.</p> + +<p>No doubt this double rôle of wife and mother is most +respectable; it is even sacred; but woman's nature +demands something else. To restrict her circle of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> +activity and influence to her family is to misappreciate +her many faculties, her aspirations, her feelings, which, +like those of men, are entitled to respect; it amounts to +not recognising that her mission is not only familial, +but social also.</p> + +<p>I will not dwell on the part she is called upon to play +in the family as wife and mother. We men all know it, +whether we are husbands or sons; but we have also to +consider what the rôle of woman is in that society of +which she is the great civilizing element as well as the +greatest ornament.</p> + +<p>The most noble part that has been allotted to woman +is that of the flower in the vegetable kingdom. This +rôle consists in throwing a spell over the world, in +making life more refined and poetical—in a word, in +spreading fragrance around her and imparting it to all +who come in contact with her. A wag once said that +but for the women men could have hoped for Paradise. +Good! But what about this world? Is not woman +the direct or indirect motive for all our actions? Is +she not the embodiment of the beautiful, and therefore +the mother of Art?</p> + +<p>If she is sometimes the cause of a crime, is she not +always the cause of the most heroic deeds performed by +man? Can we for a moment suppose society without +her? Why, without her it would fall into a state of +indolence and degradation, even of utter abjection. +Would life be worth living without the sweet presence +of kind, cheerful, and amiable women?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p> + +<p>Ah, my dear sir, make fun of woman in your club as +much as you like; crack jokes at her expense to your +heart's content; but acknowledge frankly that you are +under her power—at least, I hope, under her influence—and +that you could no more do without her than +without the air which enables you to breathe.</p> + +<p>Talk of woman's mission as wife and mother, as +naturalists and moralists do, but let all of us artists +cry at the top of our voices that woman's mission is to +make life beautiful by the cultivation of her own +beauty, beauty of body, mind, and heart.</p> + +<p>It is the duty of woman to look as beautiful as she +can; it is her imperious duty to charm the world by +her sweetness and amiability. A woman who neglects +this duty is guilty toward her fellow-creatures, even +guilty toward her Maker, by not helping the destiny +for which she was created. Countries are civilized in +proportion to the influence that women have over men +in them.</p> + +<p>As long as gardens have flowers and the world has +beautiful and amiable women, so long will life be worth +living.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h3>IS WOMAN INFERIOR TO MAN?</h3> + + +<p>Many, many years ago a great council was held to +discuss the question whether women had souls. I forget +the conclusion which that learned assembly arrived at; +but what is certain is that now most men do believe +that women have souls, although a great number of +them are still of opinion that woman is a being inferior +to man.</p> + +<p>They hold that man is the lord of creation, the +masterpiece, the last word of the Almighty.</p> + +<p>Now, is this really the case? First, God made the +earth, then light, after which He created fishes, birds, +and animals of all sorts. Then He said: 'I will now +create a being far above all the other animals.'</p> + +<p>He took some mud; mark well, I say, some mud, and +made Adam. In His wisdom He thought that mud +was not good enough to make woman out of, and for +her creation he took matter which had already been +purified by His Divine breath, and He took part of +Adam, and out of it made Eve.</p> + +<p>Now, surely, my dear fellow-men, you must own that +either mud is better stuff than yourself, or you must<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> +confess that woman has a nobler origin than you. You +can't get out of it.</p> + +<p>Please notice the order of creation: Fish, birds, +animals, man and woman. If men do not admit that +the Creator began by the least and finished with the +best, they will have to conclude that lobsters, eels, +crocodiles, sharks, owls, vultures, and mere sparrows are +beings superior to them.</p> + +<p>If men do not recognise the superiority of these +animals over them, they will have to come to the conclusion +that the work of creation is one of improvement +every day.</p> + +<p>But man will say, woman is not so strong as we are. +True enough; but horses are stronger than men; +elephants by trampling on them can make marmalade +of them. Stags are swifter than men. Camels can +carry a weight of 2,500 lb. on their backs. Birds can +fly, and men are only trying machines to help them +do it.</p> + +<p>Is man more intelligent than woman? Certainly not. +Who ate the apple? I know that Eve was the first to +be disobedient, but she had an idea, at all events before +Adam had one.</p> + +<p>Had he even the power of resistance? No. Did he +even try to shield woman after the offence was committed? +No, he didn't, the coward. He turned +against her and accused her of being the cause of the +whole evil done. Poor beginning, a poor show, and a +sad lesson by which men have profited, and to this day<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> +they turn against the woman they have deceived, and +often abandon her. Man is still true to his origin.</p> + +<p>My dear sirs, the proof that God was satisfied that, +in creating woman, He had said the last word of His +Divine work, is that He entrusted her with the most +noble of missions, that of bearing the future generations, +of bringing children to the world, of guiding +their first steps, of cultivating their minds and inculcating +in them the love of what is good and right. In +intending woman to be mother, God proclaimed the +superiority of women over the rest of the creation.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN WHO ARE FOLLOWED AND ANNOYED IN THE STREET</h3> + + +<p>I have constantly heard women complain, in Paris, in +London, and in New York, that they can seldom go out +in the street without being followed and annoyed by +men, many of whom look like gentlemen.</p> + +<p>And they express their complaint in tones of indignation +not altogether free from a little air of self-satisfaction +that seems to say: 'Of course a pretty woman +like myself is bound to be noticed and stared at by +men.'</p> + +<p>Well, I hate to say anything unpleasant to women, +but there is an illusion in which they too often indulge, +and which I should like to dispel at once.</p> + +<p>There are women beautiful as they can be, who can +walk in every city perfectly unmolested and in perfect +comfort and security, and who would be unable to +tell you whether any man or woman had noticed +them.</p> + +<p>We men are not so bold as many women believe, nor +are we so silly. We have instinct, and we know pretty +well the woman who enjoys being noticed and looked<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> +at, and even the one who seeks that enjoyment for +purpose of self-satisfaction or vanity.</p> + +<p>I am over fifty years old, and any girl of twenty, I +guarantee, will make me feel as timid as she likes in her +presence, not by words, but simply by her attitude of +dignity and reserve.</p> + +<p>And I believe that practically the same might be said +of every man who is not an unmitigated scoundrel or +blackguard.</p> + +<p>In a word, I should like to prove that a woman, who +is too often noticed and followed in the street, should +be offended by it, and have enough conscience of her +value to mention it as little as possible; she should also +exercise more control over herself and pay great attention +to the way she dresses, looks and walks when out +in the street.</p> + +<p>For if she is constantly followed, take it for granted +that there is in her appearance something, just a little +something, that gives a wrong impression of her.</p> + +<p>Let women have simplicity in their toilette, dignity +in their manner, a severe gracefulness in their general +attitude, and I guarantee you that no man—I mean no +fairly well-bred man—will ever turn round to look at +them.</p> + +<p>Women should not call it success. They should feel +humiliated to see that some gloriously beautiful women +do not obtain it. They should take advice and seek a +remedy with the earnestness of that cashier who, returning +home, could not even take notice of his wife<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> +and children, much less kiss them, until he had discovered +the cause of an error of a penny in his +accounts amounting to several thousands of pounds.</p> + +<p>When a woman tells me that she cannot go out without +men looking and smiling at her, I have always a +mind to say to her: 'Perhaps you wink at them.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<h3>DANGEROUS MEN</h3> + +<h3>(A WARNING TO WOMEN)</h3> + + +<p>Among the men who are the most dangerous for women +must be reckoned those whose advances of love generally +prove unsuccessful. Women have no idea of the +harm that may be done to them by those parasites of +their homes.</p> + +<p>A woman, young, amiable, and cheerful, welcomes +such men in her house without entertaining any suspicion. +She invites them to her receptions, her dinner-parties; +she often finds them pleasant, witty, and then +they venture a few flattering compliments. She at first +accepts them as the current coin of society, and pays no +attention to them.</p> + +<p>As she is amiable to her guests, she is not on her +guard, and she treats them to the same smiles, which +these fops of the purest water often imagine are gracious +smiles conferred on them only. Thus encouraged, they +go further, and venture compliments bordering on +declarations of love, or, at any rate, on expressions of +deep admiration. The young woman, used to compliments,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> +takes no notice of our heroes, or pretends to have +understood nothing.</p> + +<p>Her silence is then taken for a tacit acceptance, and +the fops, emboldened, make an open declaration of love. +Now, a regular flirt or coquette knows how to encourage +or discourage a man with one glance, but a perfectly +good woman is taken unaware; she feels embarrassed, +and, thus apparently encouraged, these men get bolder +and bolder, until the young woman has to show them +the door.</p> + +<p>Then her troubles begin. These parasites will go to +their clubs, and, even in drawing-rooms, say that she is +a heartless coquette who encourages men to make love +to her just to amuse herself. They abuse her, watch +her, and, if one day she should compromise herself in +the least, woe to her if the secret should fall into such +men's hands! There is no revenge of which they are +not capable. A case of this sort was, not long ago, +investigated thoroughly, and it turned out that an +anonymous letter had been written to the husband of a +most charming society woman by a cur whom she had +to turn out of her house for offering her a worthless +love.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<h3>THE MAN WHO SMILES</h3> + + +<p>There is to be met in society a man who is particularly +provoking and supremely objectionable and offensive. +He is about forty, very gentlemanly, self-possessed, +irreproachably dressed, well informed, interesting talker, +with a somewhat patronizing air, and an eternal smile +of self-satisfaction on his face.</p> + +<p>This man has compromised more women than many +a 'devil of a fellow.' If you say before him, 'Mrs. +X. is very beautiful, isn't she?' he says nothing, but +smiles complacently. So you look at him and add:</p> + +<p>'Oh, you know her, then?' He smiles again. 'You +don't say so!' you remark. 'I should have thought +her a woman above the breath of suspicion.'</p> + +<p>He smiles still. You become persuaded that he is, +or has been, on the most intimate terms with the lady +in question.</p> + +<p>Mention before him the name of any woman you like +to choose, and if the woman is in the least fashionable, +or renowned for her beauty or position, he smiles.</p> + +<p>If at a ball he asks a lady to give him the pleasure +of her partnership for a waltz or a polka, he leans close<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> +toward her, smiling at her in such a strange way that +people believe he is telling her words of love, or, worse, +that he is granted permission to do so.</p> + +<p>If he calls on a lady on her reception day, he has a +way to salute her, to kiss her hand, to look at her in +a patronizing way that seems to say to the other +callers:</p> + +<p>'See how ceremonious I am with her before other +people, and what a good comedian I am!'</p> + +<p>And he smiles, smiles, and smiles.</p> + +<p>Women are ill at ease in his presence. They hate +him, but as he is content with smiling, and goes no +further, what are they to do? They avoid him when +they can, his smiles are so compromising.</p> + +<p>And they are right. His smiles are more compromising +than <i>bonâ fide</i> slander and calumny.</p> + +<p>The men hate him, too, but they feel as powerless as +the women do. They would like to slap his face, but +you cannot say to a man:</p> + +<p>'I slap your face because I saw you smile on hearing +my wife's name.'</p> + +<p>No, that would be too absurd. He knows it, and +that is why he goes on smiling. He is safe.</p> + +<p>When he hears a bit of gossip on a woman, he +immediately takes her defence, but in such a weak +manner, and with such a smile on his face all the time, +that people immediately come to the conclusion that +'it must be all true.'</p> + +<p>What is most provoking is that the man has not a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> +bad reputation. He has never been openly mixed in +any intrigue, and even his intimate friends have never +heard of any love affair connecting him with any woman. +For some people he is an enigma, for others a clever +comedian, a maniac, a bore, or a fop.</p> + +<p>For men who justly hold that women should be +treated with such respect that no act of man should +cause anyone to even breathe a light remark on their +character, the man who smiles is a cur.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN AND DOLLS</h3> + + +<p>The love of little girls for their dolls is a very serious +love; it absolutely amounts to maternal tenderness. I +have watched little girls nurse their dolls, and detected +in their eyes that almost divine glance that you can see +in devoted mothers tending their little children. For +that matter a little girl is only a woman in miniature. +A young boy has none, or very few, of the characteristics +of a man; but a young girl has, at ten years of age, +all the characteristics of a woman.</p> + +<p>I have known little girls of ten and twelve who were +perfect flirts, little coquettes, careful housekeepers, and, +toward their dolls, most devoted mothers. I remember +one who sternly refused to accompany us to a most +tempting party, because her doll had a cold and she +felt she must stay at home to nurse it. She was absolutely +serious over it, and found even great delight in +remaining at home all the time by the bedside of her +doll. I remember another who had spent the whole +morning cleaning her doll's house from top to bottom. +When it was all over she drew a great sigh of relief. +'At last,' she said, 'the house is clean; that's comfort,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span> +anyway.' A good, dutiful, bourgeois housewife would +not have expressed herself otherwise. Have you not, +some of you, even seen little girls give medicines to +their dolls, rock them to sleep, put them to bed, tuck +them in most carefully, and see that the bedclothes did +not choke them and cause them to have nightmares? +I have, many times.</p> + +<p>A man very often shows inclinations, tastes, and all +sorts of characteristic traits which his parents never discovered +in him when he was a young boy; but a woman +of thirty is what she was when she was ten, only a little +more so. A bad boy may become a very good man, +and I have known very good boys become very bad +men; but a caressing, loving little girl will surely make +a loving wife and a tender mother; a cold and uncaressing +little girl will become a heartless woman, an +indifferent wife and mother. A boy is a boy! a little +girl is a little woman.</p> + +<p>This is so true that women, many women at all events, +who treated their dolls as if they were children, treat +their children as if they were dolls. It is the survival +of the little girl in the woman. I have known women +allow the hair of their boys to fall down their backs in +long curls because they looked prettier and more like +dolls, although they must have known that the sap of +their young bodies was feeding hair at the expense of +other far more important parts of their anatomy. +When you see a woman most attentive to her baby, insisting +on washing it, dressing it herself, you say: 'She<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> +is a most dutiful mother; she would trust no one but +herself to attend her little child.' But it is not only +the satisfaction of a duty performed that makes that +woman look so happy, it is also the pleasure she derives +from it. And the odds are ten to one that this very +woman will play at doll with her child a great deal too +long, and that the day on which she will be compelled +to allow the child to have some liberty and become +independent of her, she will resent it.</p> + +<p>There is not, I believe, a single elderly woman that +does not prefer the child of her daughter to her +daughter herself, who has become now an unmanageable +doll who dresses and undresses without the help of +anybody. And if this daughter does not allow her +mother to do with the grandchild just as she likes, there +will be trouble, caused by jealousy. There will be two +women now to play at dolls. Why does a grandmother +indulge a young child, give it sweets and candies? Is +it to give that child a good digestion? No; it is to +play at dolls. Do they dress little girls like the +'principal boys' of pantomimes in the palace scene, in +order to make them acquire modest tastes and sensible +notions? No; it is to play at dolls.</p> + +<p>Woman plays at dolls to the end of her life, with her +toys, with her children, with her grandchildren, and +with herself.</p> + +<p>I have never heard women have a good word to say +of daughters-in-law who had not given children to their +sons. Poor, dear old ladies! They certainly were under<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> +the impression that their sons had only one object in +view when they contemplated matrimony, that of presenting +'Grannie' with dolls to play with. I quite +understand that grandmothers should be admired, that +children should bless them, and even advise other children +to 'get some,' when they have not got any, but I +do not think that grandmothers should be held up to +the world as models, because more than nine times out +of ten they spoil children, and derive pleasure not from +duties performed to the child, but from the satisfaction +of playing at dolls. I have very often met sensible +mothers, but grandmothers seldom; they generally are +incorrigible sinners—and proud of it, too.</p> + +<p>Alphonse Karr, in his 'Reminiscences,' relates how he +used to meet in society a young and charming woman +who always behaved towards him in a very cool manner. +Unable to understand the reason, he one day took a +chair by her side, made himself particularly pleasant, +and point-blank asked her why she did not seem pleased +to meet him, and inquired whether he might have +unconsciously done anything to cause her displeasure. +For a long time she defended herself, assuring him that +her coldness towards him was only in his imagination; +but, as he insisted, she at last said to him: 'Well, I +will tell you. It was thirty-five years ago. One afternoon +you called on us, and I was in the drawing-room. +Being invited to take a seat by my mother, you chose +an arm-chair on which my doll was asleep. You +removed it, and quite unceremoniously laid it on a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> +table, head downwards, at the risk of hurting it. In +fact, you damaged its nose. I conceived for you a +perfect hatred, and, upon my word, I do not think +that I am now capable of forgiving you altogether.'</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Moral.</span>—If you want to get into the good graces +of a woman, praise her baby; if you want a little girl +to love you, admire her dolls and treat them with +respect.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<h3>MEN AS A RULE ARE SELFISH—TWO KINDS OF SELFISH +MEN</h3> + + +<p>There are in the world men who are devotion and self-abnegation +personified; there are women who are the +embodiment of selfishness. From this we cannot lay +down a rule any more than we could if, in landing in +New York, we saw a red-haired woman, and said at +once:</p> + +<p>'The Americans are a red-haired people.'</p> + +<p>But as, during my life, I have known more men who +are selfish than unselfish, and more women who are unselfish +than selfish, I am prepared to conclude that man +is more selfish than woman.</p> + +<p>I have known men of small income (and in their way +good men they were) belong to two or three clubs, dine +at expensive restaurants, and smoke excellent cigars all +day long.</p> + +<p>Their daughters had to give lessons in order to +obtain the money that was necessary for dressing +decently, and the house had to be kept on most +economical lines.</p> + +<p>I have known others, not worse than those I have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> +just mentioned, allow nothing but water on their family +table, and take champagne for dinner at the club or +the restaurant.</p> + +<p>I could divide selfish men into two classes: the man +with good redeeming features, and the execrably selfish +man.</p> + +<p>The former is good-hearted and fairly sensitive. He +hates nobody, because hatred disturbs sleep and rest. +He avoids emotions for his own comfort; he is learnedly +selfish.</p> + +<p>If you are unhappy, in distressed circumstances, +don't bother him about it. He is sorry, he cannot help +it, and he would rather not hear of it.</p> + +<p>If you are ill, do not expect a visit from him; the +sight of pain or grief affects him. If you are in want, +he may send you a £5 note, but he does not want to +see you. He seeks the company of cheerful and happy +people only.</p> + +<p>He has an income of £6,000 a year, and will tell +you that nobody dies of starvation except in novels.</p> + +<p>He turns his head from wretches shivering with cold +in the street, and is of opinion that a good Government +should suppress paupers and all sorts of people who +disturb the peace and happiness of the rich. His +friends call him 'a good fellow.'</p> + +<p>The other type is execrable. The miseries of other +people increase his happiness. When he sees a starving-looking +man or a sick one, he returns thanks that he is +rich and healthy.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p> + +<p>He does not avoid the unfortunate: he almost seeks +them. The more horrible tales you tell him of poverty, +sorrows, disease, wretchedness, the happier he is to feel +that he runs no danger of ever encountering such +calamities.</p> + +<p>Well wrapped up in furs in a good carriage, the sight +of a beggar, benumbed with cold, sitting on the stone +steps of an empty house, doubles his comfort. He +finds his carriage better suspended, and his furs +warmer.</p> + +<p>He almost believes that the abject poor were invented +to make him appreciate his good fortune better. He +is not unlike those fanatics of a certain school who +believe that the greatest bliss reserved for the elect in +heaven is to see their less fortunate brethren burn in +hell. As I have said, this type of selfish man is +execrable.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + +<h3>EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES</h3> + +<h3>THE RIGHT AND WRONG IN THE CASE OF A ROYAL PRINCESS</h3> + + +<p>Since the escapade of the Royal Princess of Saxony +with the French tutor Giron, many have asked me, +'Do you approve or forgive her? Do you not think +that a woman who can no longer endure life with a +sullen and unsympathetic husband has a right to break +away from the social conventionalities of life and go her +own way in search of happiness?'</p> + +<p>The question is not easy to answer. There may be, +or there may not be, extenuating circumstances in the +conduct of a woman who deserts her husband, or a man +who leaves his wife.</p> + +<p>First of all, let me say that I place the consideration +of duty far higher than that of personal happiness. +Therefore, a man or a woman who abandons a home +where there are children of a tender age, children who +require the protection of a father and the affection of +a mother, which no one can replace, is a coward that +should be placed under the ban of society.</p> + +<p>I don't care how much a woman may fall in love<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> +with a man, or a man with a woman, the duty of either +is to remain by the side of their children, to watch over +their education, and to see them launched in life. If +they shirk this duty, there is no excuse, no atonement +for their conduct, which closely borders on +crime.</p> + +<p>When there are no children, I admit that there may +be circumstances in which I would forgive a man or a +woman who leaves a home in which life has become +unendurable, in order to seek happiness in the company +of a partner who has given proof of love, devotion, and +disinterestedness. I might also be prepared to forgive +if the children were grown up and able to support themselves.</p> + +<p>On no account, however, could I approve, or even +forgive, a man who leaves a wife with whom life may +have become as intolerable as you like without duly +providing for her comfort, even if by so doing he should +have nothing left for himself, and be obliged to start +life afresh.</p> + +<p>I do not admit that anyone, man or woman, has +a right to shirk responsibilities imposed by solemn +promises. Let them set this right first of all. After +that, let them solve the problem of happiness as best +they can.</p> + +<p>No doubt there are drawbacks in holding royal +honours, but I believe in the old motto, <i>Noblesse +oblige</i>; and if <i>noblesse</i> does, surely royalty should. +Royalty nowadays is not of much use, except when it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> +gives to the people over which it rules the example of +all virtues, of all domestic virtues especially.</p> + +<p>When people are born in the purple, they are born +with responsibilities. If they fling them to the four +winds of the earth, there is no use for royalty: the +reason for its existence has ceased to exist.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + +<h3>AMERICAN WOMEN IN PARIS</h3> + + +<p>Every year in Paris, in springtime, we see the American +women reappear with the regularity of the swallow. +We expect them, we watch for their arrival, and we +are delighted when we hear them say, with their singing +voices, that they have come for our season, which +begins in April and goes on till 'The Grand Prix' is +run during the second week of June.</p> + +<p>The American woman is not only received, but +eagerly sought in our most aristocratic society. Her +amiability and brilliancy have forced open the doors of +our most exclusive mansions. She affords so much +pleasure that she is indispensable. We are dull without +her, because she is not only beautiful and a feast +for the eyes, but she is bright, brilliant, witty, unconventional, +and a feast for the mind. It is thanks to +all these qualities, far more than to her dollars, that +the American woman is to-day part and parcel of what +is called 'Tout Paris.' And, indeed, there is no woman +in the world so attractive as the fair daughter of Uncle +Sam. Her physical, moral, and intellectual charms<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> +make her the most interesting woman one may wish to +meet.</p> + +<p>The English woman is very often beautiful. Her +freshness is exquisite, her figure excellent when she +knows how to enhance its beauty by well-made garments. +She is, perhaps, beyond competition when she +is really beautiful, but her beauty is too often statuesque, +and lacks lustre and piquancy. The French +woman is supple and graceful, but she is more fascinating +by her manner, by her chic, than by the beauty of +her complexion, the regularity of her features, and the +proportions of her figure. The German is often fine, +but generally heavy, compact, and lacking elegance.</p> + +<p>The American woman is an altogether. She has the +piquancy, the fascinating manner, the elegance, the +grace, and the gait of the Parisienne; but, besides, she +often possesses the eyes of a Spaniard, the proud figure +of a Roman, and the delicate features of an English +woman. If, during the Paris season, you walk in the +Champs-Elysées district, where all the best Americans +are settled, you will admire those women looking +radiant with intelligence, cheerful, independent, who, +you can see, have the consciousness of their value.</p> + +<p>The education which she has received has developed +all her faculties. The liberty she always enjoyed, the +constant attentions she has received from father, +brother, husband, and all her male friends, have made +her feel safe everywhere, and she goes about freely, +with a firm step that stamps her American. Thanks<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> +to her finesse, her power of observation, her native +adaptability, she can fit herself for every station of life. +If one day she finds herself mistress of the White +House or Vice-Queen of India, she immediately feels +at home. She may be ever so learned, she is never a +pedant. She is, and remains, a woman in whose company +a man feels at once at his ease; a sort of fascinating +good fellow, with all the best attributes of womanhood; +a little of a coquette, with a suspicion of a touch +of blue-stocking—but so little. She loves dresses, and +none puts them on better than she does. English +women, even the most elegant ones at home, seldom +favour us, when they visit us, but with all the worst +frumps and frippery they can find in their wardrobe. +The American women are considerate enough to try +and do their best for us, and we appreciate the compliment. +And thus they brighten our theatres, our promenades, +our balls and dinner-parties, our fashionable +restaurants, and Paris, which loves them, could not now +do without them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN WHO WALK BEST</h3> + + +<p>A few weeks ago I was watching the church parade in +Hyde Park, London, between the statue of Achilles and +Stanhope Gate, when I met an American lady of my +acquaintance. We walked together for awhile, and +then sat down in order to watch the fashionable crowd +more closely.</p> + +<p>It is said that, although Americans and Englishmen +think a great deal of one another nowadays, you seldom +hear American women praise the women of England, +and more seldom still hear English women say a good +word of American women.</p> + +<p>So I was tickled to know what my American lady +friend thought of the crowd that was performing before +us, and I asked her to give me her impressions.</p> + +<p>'Well,' she said, 'it is as good as, if not better than, +anything that New York could produce. Possibly on +some special occasion Fifth Avenue might turn out a +few lovelier dresses, but the London average is above +the New York average. You see fewer absolute failures +here among the women, while the men are quite<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> +unapproachable—surely Londoners are the best-dressed +men in the world.'</p> + +<p>'And the New Yorkers the most brand-newly dressed +men,' I interrupted. 'But you are right. I like to +think that a coat has been worn just more than once. +But please go on.'</p> + +<p>'The days when the London girl was really badly +dressed are dead and gone. We have educated her, we +Americans, until she has all but reached our standard. +Just think what the London shops were fifteen and even +ten years ago! Something awful! But now I can buy +in them everything I want just as easily as though I +were in Paris or New York.</p> + +<p>'I don't know whether the supply of pretty dresses +and dainty <i>et ceteras</i> made the demand, or whether it +was the other way about, but, at any rate, there has +been a change within the last decade that is almost a +revolution. The London woman of to-day dresses quite +as well as her sister across the Channel or the Atlantic.'</p> + +<p>I was getting sadly disappointed, for my lady friend +is a critic and a wit, and I was expecting a few amusing +remarks on English women. So I ventured:</p> + +<p>'So you think that now English women can obtain +in London dresses just as pretty as women can in Paris +and New York?</p> + +<p>'Certainly,' she replied. 'Yet they never look so +well, because, you see, when they get these pretty +dresses, these poor English women don't know how to +put them on. The English girl's education is not yet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> +completed. She has not learned how to carry herself +as we have in America, both at home and at school. +You know the splendid air and prima donna effects +that American women can bring off when they choose. +These young English women have hardly a suspicion of +them.</p> + +<p>'In taste for the delicate things of dress the Londoner +is now just about where she should be; but she has not +yet learned how to wear a dress. A French woman or +an American would make fifty per cent, more of it than +the English woman knows how to do; and if this is to +be remedied, English girls will first have to be taught +how to walk and how to hold themselves.'</p> + +<p>And no doubt my American friend had hit on the +national defect of English women—their bad way of +walking and holding themselves.</p> + +<p>One's thoughts naturally fly to Spain, where every +member of the feminine sex, from the little girl of four +to the old woman, who in England would be bent and +tottering, knows how to carry herself as if she were a +queen.</p> + +<p>If it is true that this result is achieved by the Spanish +custom of carrying everything on the head instead of on +the back or in the hand, it is a pity the English do not +make their girls begin at once to carry their school-satchels +in a way that will make them hold their heads +up instead of down, and accentuate gracefully their lines +both behind and in front.</p> + +<p>When I was in South Africa I invariably admired the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> +manner in which the Kaffir and Zulu women walked and +held themselves. On watching them I often exclaimed: +'If English women could only walk and carry themselves +as these women do, with their pretty faces and +figures, with their beautiful skin and complexion, they +would have few rivals in the world.'</p> + +<p>It is by walking barefooted and carrying everything +on their heads that the women of Kaffirland and Zululand +learn to walk so well, to hold their heads up, to +bring their chests forward, to throw back their shoulders, +and give to their gait that gentle swing which is so +dainty and graceful.</p> + +<p>American women obtain the same result by being +drilled at school, for it is incontestable, and, I believe, +incontested, that they are the best walking women, and +also those who, with the Parisiennes, know best how to +put on their dresses.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XX</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN LIVE LONGER THAN MEN</h3> + + +<p>Heller, who has collected the greatest number of instances +of extreme long life, found 1,000 persons who +lived from 100 to 110, 60 from 110 to 120, 30 from 120 +to 130, 15 from 130 to 140, 6 from 140 to 150, and one +who lived to be 169 years of age.</p> + +<p>French writes that from 1881 to 1890, in Massachusetts, +there were 203 deaths of persons past the age of +100. Of these 153 were women and 50 were men. +Let us add that the parts of the world which have supplied, +in proportion to their population, the greatest +number of centenarians, are New England, Scotland, and +Brittany.</p> + +<p>All these centenarians, without exception, have been +found among the humbler classes, and most of them +among peasants—that is to say, among the workers of +the community who lead quiet, regular, and busy lives.</p> + +<p>It is worthy of note that just those very principles +which were laid down by the Founder of the Christian +religion as best for the eternal welfare of the soul have +been proved by the passing years to be best for the +body also.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span></p> + +<p>It is not those who are clad in purple and fine linen +and fare sumptuously every day who are strong enough +to climb to the clear heights of a great age. Neither +titles nor wealth keep the feet from wearying of the +uphill path of life.</p> + +<p>They who would have their days long in the land +must honour their great mother, Nature. They must +walk in her ways. Nature does not rejoice in sluggards, +therefore they must work, and the more steadily they +work the longer they live.</p> + +<p>Men of thought have always been distinguished for +their age. Solon, Sophocles, Pindar, Anacreon, and +Xenophon were octogenarians. Kant, Buffon, Goethe, +Fontenelle, and Newton were over eighty. Michael +Angelo and Titian were eighty-nine and ninety-nine +respectively. Harvey, the discoverer of the circulation +of the blood, lived to be eighty.</p> + +<p>Victor Hugo was over eighty. Gladstone, who worked +every minute of his life, always in search of new subjects +to master, and who took his recreation in bodily work—gardening, +cutting down his trees—died at eighty-eight.</p> + +<p>Sidney Cooper, the English animal painter, whose +work of last year will be exhibited at the Royal Academy, +London, this year, died at ninety-nine, practically with +his brushes in his hands.</p> + +<p>The preponderance of females over males in the +matter of long life is a striking fact. It is also constant. +All authorities agree in this, that more women than men<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> +live to be very old. The more fragile pitcher is not so +soon broken at the fountain. Why?</p> + +<p>One would hardly expect woman, with all the dangers +and sufferings attending motherhood, to last longer than +man. Yet undoubtedly she does.</p> + +<p>I know in Brittany a peasant woman who is now +ninety-seven. She does her sewing without spectacles; +she walks a couple of miles every day; goes to bed at +eight, rises at six in the winter and at five in the summer.</p> + +<p>She eats and sleeps well, and is in the enjoyment of +perfect health. She had seventeen children. The +healthiest trees are those which bear fruit every year.</p> + +<p>The reason for woman's longevity is not far to seek. +Women lead more careful, regular, and sheltered lives +than men. It is the man who has to fight daily with +the world, and how hard and trying the fight often is +none but the fighter himself can tell.</p> + +<p>He succumbs to more temptations than woman, +because more come his way. It is the man who is often +called upon to undermine his bodily vigour by earning +his bread at unhealthy occupations. It is he who goes +down the mines, to sea, and to the battlefield.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN MAY ALL BE BEAUTIFUL</h3> + + +<p>Nothing is more difficult to define than beauty. It is +not something absolute, like truth; it differs according +to times, countries, races, and individual tastes. +Greek beauty is not Parisian beauty, English beauty is +pretty well the opposite of Italian beauty.</p> + +<p>A European beauty might strike a Chinaman as very +ugly, and a Chinese beauty would find no admirer in +Europe, except, perhaps, among blasé people with the +most fastidious tastes and ever in search of novelty.</p> + +<p>The Buddha of the Hindoos has nothing in common +with the Jupiter of the Greeks. Ancient art differs +entirely from modern art.</p> + +<p>In Antiquity, beauty consists in the harmony of the +proportions, the purity of the lines, the nobility of +form and attitude, the sobriety of the figure, and the +coldness of the expression. In modern times, beauty +consists in gracefulness, piquancy, intelligence, sentiment, +vivacity, and exuberance of form.</p> + +<p>But there are two kinds of beauty in women: that +which is natural to them, and that which they can +acquire by carefully studying what suits them best to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span> +wear, and how they can use to advantage their style of +face and figure.</p> + +<p>I have seen women absolutely transformed by the +hands of a skilful dressmaker or a clever hairdresser.</p> + +<p>The natural beauty is that happy ensemble of lines +and expression which attract and charm the eyes. It is +not at all indispensable that this ensemble should be +harmonious. On the contrary, contrasts are often less +cold and monotonous than perfect harmony, and the +statuesque beauty generally leaves us unmoved.</p> + +<p>The woman who looks amiable and cheerful is naturally +beautiful—far more so than a woman with irreproachable +sculptural outlines and features so regular +that she makes you wish she had some redeeming defect +or other. Perfection was attractive in ancient Greece; +it is not now.</p> + +<p>Perfection seldom looks amiable and bright, and +modern beauty must look intelligent—brilliant even. +Ancient Greece would not have looked at a turned-up +nose; but such a nose denotes gaiety, wit, spirit of +repartee, and we like it.</p> + +<p>I hope I shall not offend that most talented of +French actresses, Madame Rejane, or her admirers, by +saying that Athens would have refused to look at her; +but the Parisians, the descendants and successors of the +Attic Greeks, love her, with her big mouth, square when +it laughs, and her turned-up nose. To them she is +the embodiment of liveliness, wit, and gaiety.</p> + +<p>A small, piquante brunette, with small, keen eyes,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> +thick lips, thin, alert; a blonde dishevelled, like a +spaniel, with glorious form, will excite admiration—both +are beautiful.</p> + +<p>But the other beauty, the one that can be obtained +of art, is at the disposal of every woman. In fact, the +woman who knows how to put on her dress and do her +hair well, who has on a becoming hat, pretty shoes, and +neat gloves, who has good taste in furniture, who speaks +pleasantly, smiles cheerfully and good-naturedly, who +has elegance of manners and a pretty voice, who has +a bright conversation—that woman will be declared +pretty, even beautiful, far more readily and unanimously +than the real beauty, one who fails to pay +attention to her dress and manners, who has no consciousness +of her power and her value, and who constantly +forgets that good surroundings are to her what +a handsome frame is to a picture.</p> + +<p>Practically every woman can obtain this result, and +that is why I have entitled this chapter 'Women may +All be Beautiful.'</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN AT SEA</h3> + + +<p>Of all the pitiful sights, of all the pathetic figures in +the world, there is none to compare to women at sea.</p> + +<p>Is it possible that these dejected, abject-looking +bundles of misery only yesterday were the bright, +proud, elegant, queenly fashion-plates whom I saw +on Fifth Avenue? <i>Quantum mutatæ ab illis!</i> What a +metamorphosis!</p> + +<p>Poor things! Even the most terrible home ruler is +satisfied with the lower berth, and gives her husband a +chance to look down upon her. She is meek and grateful, +she is submissive, and her imploring eyes beg the +most hen-pecked husband not to take advantage of his +temporary superiority.</p> + +<p>She arrived on board flamboyant, with her most +bewitching finery on, or a most becoming yachting-suit. +She meant to 'fetch' all the men on deck. She +went radiant to the saloon and examined the lovely +flowers which had been sent to wish her <i>bon voyage</i>. +<i>Bon voyage!</i> What irony!</p> + +<p>These flowers are the very emblem of all that is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> +going to happen to her—bright, fresh, and erect as the +boat starts; wet, withered, drooping, and dripping, +with no life left, twenty-four hours later.</p> + +<p>She is present at the first meal, and declares to her +neighbours that things at sea are not so bad as some +people pretend, and the Atlantic is too often libelled. +Besides, she is used to travelling, and she knows a +remedy for sea-sickness.</p> + +<p>Before sailing she doctored herself. She took an +infallible drug—a rather unpleasant one, it is true; +but what is that compared to the benefit derived from +it? Yes, an infallible remedy—at any rate, one that +succeeds nine times out of ten. Alas! this time is +going to be the tenth.</p> + +<p>You get outside the harbour, and leave Sandy Hook +behind you. She has taken soup and fish. Somehow +she now feels she has had enough. Her appetite is +satisfied, and she goes on deck. When you see her +again, she is lying on an easy-chair, packed as carefully +and tightly as a valuable clock that is to be sent to the +Antipodes.</p> + +<p>There she now lies, motionless, speechless, helpless, +and hopeless, wondering if the infallible remedy is +going to fail. The yachting-cap is no longer roguish +and cocky, but hanging over her eyes, or her beautiful +hat is replaced by a tam-o'-shanter. The damp air has +already taken away all her curls, and her hair, straight +as drum-sticks, is hanging in front and behind, and, +worse than all, she doesn't care. Provided you don't<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> +speak to her, don't shake her, and don't ask her to +move, she doesn't care.</p> + +<p>The boat is heaving. All the different parts of her +anatomy go up with the boat, but they all come down +again one by one, and she has to gather them together. +She is at sea with a vengeance! Her husband is all +right, the brute! so is pretty Miss So-and-So, who is +chatting with him, the cat!</p> + +<p>Their smiles and insulting pictures of health are +more than she can bear. She is a good Christian, but +if only that girl could be sick, too! What business +has she to be well?</p> + +<p>Of course, her husband has packed her up, tucked +her in most carefully, and placed grapes and iced soda-water +within her reach. He has done his duty, and +now he makes himself scarce. Maybe he is flirting on +the weather side, maybe he is in the smoke-room having +a game of piquet or poker.</p> + +<p>Anyway, he is all right, having a good time. Why +isn't he sick, too?</p> + +<p>For six or seven days, that bright American woman, +who runs household, husband, children, and servants +with one glance of the eye, is at the mercy of everyone +who belongs to her, suffering agonies, tortures of body +and mind, and you would imagine that a boat sees her +on the Atlantic for the last time.</p> + +<p>You would think that all the beauties of American +scenery, its seashores, lakes, and mountains, will attract +her next season. Not a bit of it. In order to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> +seen at the dreary funereal functions of Mayfair and +Belgravia, she will cross again. She goes where duty +calls her. She has to be 'in it' first, in the hope of +soon being 'of it.'</p> + +<p>And, in order to secure her social standing on a sure +basis, twice a year she will pack her belongings and +suffer death agonies. The pluck and power of endurance +of women is perfectly prodigious.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + +<h3>THE SECRET OF WOMAN'S BEAUTY</h3> + + +<p>The secret of a woman's beauty is not to be discovered +in her dressing-room, as cynics might intimate; it is +not obtained by the use of cosmetics, pomade, magic +waters, and ointments; by the application of red, white, +and black, neither by painting nor dyeing; the real +secret of woman's beauty lies in resplendent health and +a cheerful mind.</p> + +<p>It was only a few days ago that I said to a lady, an +intimate friend of mine, who has just been promoted to +the dignity of a grandmother: 'Won't you make up +your mind one of these days to look over thirty years +of age?' My lady friend is very beautiful, and she +knows it; but she carries her beauty without any +affectation and bumptiousness.</p> + +<p>She is simplicity personified, and if you were to talk +to her about her looks she would smile, and immediately +beg you to kindly change the subject of conversation. +But we are old friends, and when I asked her to tell me +what she did, that I might tell others how she succeeded +in remaining young, fresh, and beautiful, she allowed me +to insist.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Well,' she said, 'let me tell you at once that I do +not spend fifty shillings a year in perfumery. I have +always retired and risen early; I have always done as +much good as I have been permitted to do; I have +always frequented cheerful and happy people, read +cheerful books, and seen cheerful plays; I have always +taken healthy exercise and indulged in plenty of fresh +air by day and night.</p> + +<p>'But I should add: I have had the good luck of +being born with a cheerful disposition, and of being +brought up by cheerful and happy parents. I have +always dearly enjoyed humour, and have always been +able to appreciate it. I am a philosopher.</p> + +<p>'You say that I look thirty—well, I am forty-five; +but if my body is young, my mind is younger still, and +I am perfectly sure that, when I am a great-grandmother, +I shall enjoy playing with a doll as much as +any of my little great-grand-daughters.'</p> + +<p>And she went on giving me advice in minute details. +Here are a few hints which my lady readers might hear +with profit:</p> + + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 1</span></h4> + +<p><i>Never expose your shoulders and arms to cold. When +you leave a hot room to go out in the open air, cover +them most carefully so as to create on your body an +increase of temperature exactly equal to the difference +there exists between the indoor temperature you leave and +the outdoor one.</i></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p> + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 2</span></h4> + +<p><i>Avoid beds too soft and too much bed-clothing, which +cause nightmares, develop nervous irritation, and conduce +to stoutness. Never have round your beds curtains, +except as an ornament, if you like, at the head; but draw +them in such a way that fresh air can circulate freely +round your head. Renew the air of your bedroom several +times a day, and during the night, however cold it may +be, have one window slightly open, even if you should be +compelled to keep a fire all night.</i></p> + + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 3</span></h4> + +<p>Your bedroom should never be at a temperature above +sixty-five degrees.</p> + + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 4</span></h4> + +<p><i>A woman enjoying good health should sleep eight hours, +nine at most, and never less than seven. Sleep is a repairing +balm which gives rest to the muscles, the nerves, +and all the organs. Late evening and night sleeps are +refreshing, but not so the sleep you may indulge in in the +morning, or the nap you may have in the afternoon. +What you want is uninterrupted sleep from eleven at +night till seven in the morning. No other sleep will keep +you fresh and well.</i></p> + + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 5</span></h4> + +<p><i>Never go to bed hungry, although you wait till your +indigestion is well over. If you are hungry take some +very light refreshment that you will digest at once and +without any difficulty.</i></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p> + +<h4><span class="smcap">Hint No. 6</span></h4> + +<p><i>No sleep is thoroughly sound and good unless your +face assumes a perfectly serene expression. To attain +this end, do not allow your brain to work at night, or +your mind to be besieged by painful thoughts. Do or read +nothing exciting. Go to bed with pleasant thoughts and +a quiet mind.</i></p> + +<p>I am sure my lady friend is right; for, consulting +advice on hygiene in a book written by a famous +physician, I see that this great doctor advises the +following:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +Substantial and digestible meals at regular times.<br /> +Very little liquids at meals, if any.<br /> +Well-aired rooms and cool bedrooms.<br /> +Plenty of fresh air and cold water.<br /> +Warm but light clothing.<br /> +Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.<br /> +A contented mind.<br /> +A cheerful disposition.<br /> +Indulgence in deeds of generosity and charity.<br /> +Plenty of genial occupation.<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>Such is certainly the secret of health and cheerfulness, and the secret +of beauty, which is the reflection of both.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> + +<h3>THE DURATION OF BEAUTY</h3> + + +<p>Descartes, Montesquieu, Scribe, Stahl, and many other +famous writers of modern times, not to speak of philosophers +of antiquity, have decried beauty, and warned +mankind against its illusions, and especially its short +duration, without succeeding, I must say, in disgusting +the world out of it. True, beauty does not last for +ever; but who would think of singing the praises of +ugliness because it does last? And, for that matter, I +am of opinion that beauty does last. I have known men +quite handsome at sixty, and women quite beautiful +at the same age. And even if it did not last, what +of that? Are we not to admire the sun because +it is followed by night and obscurity? Are we to +despise spring because it is followed by winter one +day?</p> + +<p>Wise parents say to young men: 'Be sure you do not +marry a woman for the sake of her beauty. Marry a +woman for her lasting qualities, not for such an +ephemeral one as beauty.' Upon my word, to hear +some people talk, you would imagine that the beauty +of a woman is a thing that lasts a year at most. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> +beauty of a happy woman who loves and is loved lasts +thirty years at least, and the beauty of some women is +such that if it only lasted a year, it would be sufficient +to leave about a man for his life a fragrance that all the +roses of the world put together could give but a faint +idea of.</p> + +<p>Nobody complains that peaches are not as big as +pumpkins, and therefore do not last so long. Some +peaches arrived at their full maturity are so excellent +that, although they only make two 'swallows,' you not +only enjoy eating them, but you long remember the +beautiful taste they had.</p> + +<p>I must say that nobody is the dupe of all the +diatribes which are hurled at beauty, women still less +than men. It has always been, and still is, and always +will be, the wish of women to be beautiful, and the wish +of men to see women beautiful. Even Ernest Renan, +whom nobody would have ever accused of frivolity, +joined the ranks, and said that the first duty of woman +was to try and look beautiful. Let a woman hear that, +in speaking of her, you have said that she was bad-tempered, +giddy, silly, extravagant, everything you like, +but that you have acknowledged that she was exceedingly +beautiful, and I will warrant that you have not +made an enemy of that woman. She may keep a +grudge against you, but not for long. But let that +woman hear that you have owned that she was sweet, +dutiful, clever, devoted, and possessed of all the +domestic virtues, but that she was far from being<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> +beautiful, you will discover you have made a bitter +enemy for the rest of your natural life.</p> + +<p>The great attributes of a woman are the beauty of +her face and figure, the brilliancy of her mind, and +the qualities of her heart. But when a woman is not +beautiful, other women will never discuss the good +opinion you may have of her mental attainments and +sweet disposition. They will leave her in peaceful +possession of all these qualities; but if you praise her +beauty in terms of ecstasy before them—lo, they will +form the square and fight until the last cartridge is +used. It is beauty, not cleverness or virtue, that makes +women jealous of other women. And when the beauty +of a woman is perfectly indisputable, and it is almost +impossible for them to find the slightest fault either +with her face or her figure, then they declare that, unfortunately, +her beauty is one which will not last. The +dear women! how they wish they could possess that +beauty, were it but for a day!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXV</h2> + +<h3>THE WOMAN 'GOOD FELLOW'—A SOCIETY TYPE</h3> + + +<p>The woman who belongs to the 'jolly good fellow' +type is frank and sincere, and as steady in her friendships +as the most perfect gentleman. In love, she is +disappointing, if not absolutely a fraud. Indeed, the +idea of her possibly falling in love would seem to her +quite as funny as it would to other people. She is of a +cool temperament.</p> + +<p>In friendship, her heart is set in the right place; in +love, it is deaf and dumb.</p> + +<p>She is fond of good living and of gaieties of all sorts, +both in town and country. She prefers the society of +men to that of women. She is no coquette, but has no +objection to flirting—in fact, she enjoys it, and all the +more that she knows it cannot make her run the least +danger. 'It amuses men,' she thinks, 'and it doesn't +hurt me.'</p> + +<p>She sleeps, eats, drinks, dresses, rides, drives, dances, +smokes, talks, laughs, and throws her money out of +every window from the garret to the cellar.</p> + +<p>People enjoy her society because she is cheerful and +gay, a bright conversationalist, generally pretty, always<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> +elegant and fashionable, and most exquisitely dressed. +She is unconventional, and the men like her for it; she +seldom indulges in silly gossip, and the women are +grateful to her for it. In fact, she is popular with men +and women alike, because neither of them has anything +to fear from her. The hearts of men and the reputations +of women are safe in her hands; she does no damage to +either.</p> + +<p>Most people think that this type of woman is the +happiest. As a girl, yes, perhaps; but not after twenty-five. +The woman 'jolly fellow' very often makes all that +noise in order to shake off her thoughts. If her heart is +unable to speak and unable to hear, the reason often is +that it is dead.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> + +<h3>THE WOMAN 'GOSSIP'</h3> + + +<p>Men and women who retail slander, whether it has any +foundation or not, ought to be unmercifully boycotted +by all decent people; and, to be just, I will say that +there is as much gossip, and of the worst kind, too, +going on in men's club smoking-rooms as there is at +afternoon tea-gatherings. Great, though scarce, is the +woman who can keep other people's secrets as safely as +her own. And how watchful women should be, and +constantly be on their guard, always mindful that not +more than one man out of ten can keep a secret. I +mean <i>his own</i>.</p> + +<p>There are many women who gossip and retail scandal, +not out of wickedness or with the intention of hurting +anyone, but for the mere sake of being entertaining at +the dinner-table or round the tea-tray. When she +makes her appearance people welcome her, and say: +'Oh, here is Mrs. A——; she is so amusing; we'll hear +some good story.' Knowing that she has a reputation +to sustain, she prepares her stories before starting on +her visits, and gives them an artistic and piquant finishing +touch that will make them go down successfully.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> +Being fairly good-hearted, she begins by warning you +that she is only repeating what is 'going on,' and 'does +not know for certain.' She only wishes to be amusing +and entertaining, you understand, and does not mean to +do injury to any woman. Oh dear, no! she is a bit of +an actress in an amateurish sort of way, and if she exaggerates +she asks you to put it down to the account of +Art. As long as people are entertained by gossip there +will be people to gossip for their benefit. Now, men +and women who repeat scandal which is true do harm +enough, goodness knows, but the most dangerous ones +are those who repeat what they have heard, which +gossip will be repeated and 'improved' until it gets to +gigantic proportions.</p> + +<p>Slander generally takes refuge behind such platitude +as, 'Of course, I have not seen it; I only repeat what I +have heard.'</p> + +<p>Who says those things?—Why, everybody.</p> + +<p>Everybody?—Everybody; that's enough.</p> + +<p>Please mention a name.—Well, I am afraid I can't.</p> + +<p>But where have you heard such a thing?—Everywhere.</p> + +<p>Can't you be precise? Is it in a private house?—I +forget.</p> + +<p>In a restaurant?—I don't know.</p> + +<p>At a café? At a club? Perhaps in a theatre?—Yes, +I think it was in a theatre.</p> + +<p>What a cure—temporary, at least, if not to last for +ever—to look the 'gossip,' man or woman, straight in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> +the face, and say: 'Scandal-mongers are the most +despicable parasites and scoundrels of society!' and you +may be sure that, at least, is a statement which the +'gossip' will not repeat.</p> + +<p>There is a law of libel practically in every civilized +country to protect people against having their character +stained at the will and for the pleasure of their fellow-creatures, +but for the life of me I cannot see why libel +should be libel, and thus punishable by law, only when +it is published in a newspaper or written on a postcard. +The worst libel, the one that does most injury, is the +one that goes from house to house by word of mouth. +To say a libellous thing is quite as bad as to write it +down; it is even worse, because what is written often +escapes notice, and the law should reach the libeller +whether he has committed the offence with his mouth or +with his pen.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> + +<h3>LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT</h3> + + +<p>We all of us have heard of people falling madly in love +at first sight, men especially. No doubt there are men +who are exceedingly susceptible, passionate, artistic, and +ardent natures, who may take a violent fancy for a +woman on seeing her for the first time; but I decline +to call such a fancy love, and woe to the woman who +marries such a man, for there is no guarantee for her +that he will not many times again take such violent +fancies for other women; indeed, there is every probability +that he will.</p> + +<p>I would always advise a woman, or at all events always +wish her, to marry a lover and admirer of her sex, but a +man who madly falls in love with women at first sight, +never. There is no steadiness in that man, no solidity, +no reliability, no possible fidelity in him. He is erratic +and unmanly. He may be a good poet, a talented +artist, a very good actor, but certainly he will never be +a good husband, not even a decent one.</p> + +<p>There are women who are proud to say that they +inspired ardent love at first sight. They should not +be proud of it, for it is only the love of a reflecting,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> +lofty man that should make a woman proud. Men +may feel immediate admiration for a woman.</p> + +<p>In the presence of certain beautiful women I have +felt ready to fall into ecstasies of admiration, as I have +in the presence of Niagara Falls, Vesuvius in eruption, the +Venus of Milo, or any other grand masterpiece of nature +and art; but I have never felt that I could, or must, +right away implore them to marry me or let me die at +their feet. To fall in love at first sight is a great proof +of weakness of mind, of utter absence of self-control, +and of wretched unmanliness. I believe I may affirm, +without the fear of contradiction, that love at first +sight has never proved to be love of long duration.</p> + +<p>How can we imagine that a solid affection can be +the result of a caprice felt for a person whom you +had never seen before, and of whose character you +are absolutely ignorant? In certain cases affection may +follow a first impression, but only when she can inspire +as much affection by her merit as she could produce a +good impression by her charms. Only in this case can +love become sincere and profound. To form at once +a charming impression of a woman is not to fall madly +in love with her.</p> + +<p>How much preferable is that love gradually increasing +through the better knowledge of the beloved one! +It is no longer an ephemeral fancy, but a solid affection. +In order to love well and truly, you must know well and +thoroughly. There must be between people in love that +blind confidence, that complete <i>abandon</i>, which can only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span> +be born of the sweet habit to constantly see each other +and to understand each other better and better every +day. With such love you can brave all obstacles, but +with a caprice it vanishes at the first violent storm.</p> + +<p>Sincere, serious love is never love at first sight. +When one look—and the first one, too—binds a man +and a woman, you may be sure that one single word will +soon be sufficient to unbind them. Lasting love comes +slowly, progressively. Heart alone has never been particularly +successful unless in partnership with that sober +and wise counsellor that is called Reason. No love is +placed on a solid basis which is not governed by reason +as well as by the heart.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> + +<h3>THE EMANCIPATION OF WOMEN</h3> + + +<p>I have just digested a most interesting book by +M. Novicow, entitled 'L'Affranchisement de la Femme.' +This is a very serious subject, and I feel sure that I +need not apologize for treating it with all the earnestness +of which I am capable.</p> + +<p>In a society organized in conformity with the nature +of things, woman will be brought up, from infancy, with +the same object in view as man—that is to say, in order +to learn how to live by her work. And so it should be, +since work is the universal law of biology. Every living +creature, from the invisible microbe to the most powerful +animal, works unceasingly to assure its existence. +Work being the law of Nature, to remain idle is to +resist that law and to be immoral.</p> + +<p>Woman must become an independent economic unity. +There is nothing revolutionary in this; on the contrary, +it is a most conservative idea. The leisure class does +not represent one-thousandth part of society, and 999 +out of every 1,000 women have, or should have, to +work to support themselves or help to support their +families.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> + +<p>From time immemorial women have worked in +families, in manufactures, offices, in the fields, either +as mistresses of houses, as helps, or as servants.</p> + +<p>If woman has to be recognised as an independent +economic unity, her education should enable her to earn +her living, and, whether she gets married or not, she +ought always to be ready to support herself without the +help of man. Knowledge of every description should +be placed at her disposal by the State, as well as at the +disposal of man.</p> + +<p>This is not all. Not only should she receive an +education enabling her to make a livelihood, but also +one enabling her to direct her steps in life in the right +direction. She should be told the mysteries of life, and +the rôle she is called upon to play in life. In our times +the ideal young girl is the one who knows nothing. +This ideal is absolutely false, and creates the greatest +source of danger in existence that stares women in the +face. This ideal was created by the monstrous selfishness +of man, who reserved to himself the satisfaction, the +pleasure (only a rake's pleasure) of teaching her in one +moment what, little by little, without shock, she should +learn without astonishment.</p> + +<p>It is innocence that disarms women and hands them +over, defenceless, to the most odious and revolting +attempts to corrupt them. When we suppose nowadays +that a girl knows too much of the mysteries of +love, we think she is depraved; but degradation does +not come from the knowledge of certain things—it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> +comes from the mysterious and unhealthy way in which +that knowledge is sometimes imparted.</p> + +<p>If she were told openly, in full daylight, all she +should know of the rôle Nature has given her to play, +she would not be depraved.</p> + +<p>When a young girl shall have received from a rational +society an education that will enable her to live independently +by her work, and to behave to the best of +interests, what will she do?</p> + +<p>Well, she will do exactly what men do. The rich +ones will manage their own fortune, and will engage in +pursuits, civil, political, and intellectual. They will +embrace professions, be writers, lawyers, artists, doctors, +professors, and so on. All the careers will be open to +them. In humbler stations of life, she will be clerk, +shop-woman, work-woman, servant, labourer, etc. In +fact, no woman will be prevented from entering a +career for which she has aptitude, and, by so doing, no +intellectual force will be lost to society.</p> + +<p>For instance, we have lately heard, in Europe, of a +young American girl passing a brilliant examination +for naval engineering, who presented the model of a +ship far superior to anything known up to date. With +the new system a woman will not be prevented from +building ships for the State because she is a woman. +This will not only be justice to woman, but justice to +society, which has a right to benefit by the genius of all +its members, whether they be men or women.</p> + +<p>Now let us examine what will become of society if all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> +these transformations take place. When all the liberal +professions and political functions are exercised by +men and women alike, women will be members of +Parliament, of chambers of commerce, of literary and +scientific academies, and will sit by the side of men, as, +in America, at schools and colleges, girls sit by the side +of boys. On this account America will be the first +country to get quickly reconciled to the new state of +things.</p> + +<p>The activity of women will be as indispensable to +nations and their success as that of men. But I see +other consequences. Women being no longer dependent +on men, people will be no more concerned about the +private life of an unmarried man. A woman who has +committed indiscretions will not be called a woman with +a past, but, may be, one with experience.</p> + +<p>It is even just possible that men will feel more +flattered to be chosen by them. They will repeat the +word of Balzac, that a woman loves any first man who +makes love to her, and that there is nothing in this to +make a man feel proud; and Alphonse Karr goes as far +as Ninon de Lenclos when he says that the only love +that a man may feel proud of is that of a 'woman of +experience.'</p> + +<p>Another thing, and a very important point. Woman, +in this future system, will be so busy with her occupations +as a bread-winner that she will have very little +time to devote to love.</p> + +<p>'Woman lives by love and for love' will be thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> +an absurdity. She will come across love in her way +through life. She will stop or pass on, according to +her fancy, just as man does at present. She will not be +taught early that woman was born to be a mother, and +that she has constantly to keep her artillery in good +order so as to bring down a man.</p> + +<p>For that matter, it is just possible that, in those days, +it will be women who will propose to men. I should +not regret to see it for the sake of the happiness of +mankind, because I maintain that woman is a far keener +individual than man, and that a woman is much better +able to choose the right husband than a man the right +wife.</p> + +<p>Of course, the frivolous woman, the doll, will have +ceased to exist, and the woman will cease to be considered +what she is in Turkey and Persia, an instrument +of pleasure.</p> + +<p>The author assures us that when his system is put +into practice, it will work so well that society will +discover that it has reached a climax, the advent of +happy and perfect civilization.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Well, if it does, all I can say is that what consoles +me for getting old is the thought that I shall not be +there to see it.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> + +<h3>SHALL LOVE BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY?</h3> + + +<p>This momentous question has been asked, and is daily +answered, in a Paris paper called <i>La Fronde</i>, on the +staff of which all the writers are women. This is a very +delicate question to ask, and I am not sure that it is +particularly politic to do so on the part of women.</p> + +<p>That women take love more seriously than men is a +fact which, I believe, is incontestable; but what would +become of women if men were to decide in the negative +and answer that love should not be taken seriously?</p> + +<p>Their only protection, their only weapon would be +taken away from them. See what happens in countries, +not civilized, I must quickly add, where men do not +take love seriously.</p> + +<p>In these countries there is practically no difference +between a woman and a slave, and even a beast of +burden. The Arab, the Kaffir, the Zulu, the Soudanese, +can be seen on horseback, or walking majestically +with a blanket slung over his shoulder, while his +womankind are following, carrying a baby on their +backs, a pail of water or a cask of beer on their heads, +and the rest of the burden in their hands.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> + +<p>These primitive creatures find all this quite natural, +men as well as women, and their greatest source of +amusement is to see a white man carry his wife's +umbrella. How they pity and scorn that poor white +man!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>They look at him, and seem to say: 'Aren't you a +man?' The more these men treat their women as +inferior beings, the more highly the women think of +the men, and the more respect they feel for them. +And we would probably do the same if love, which we +men do take seriously, did not subject, and even +enslave, us to women.</p> + +<p>Indeed, this would be our right—our Divine right—and +women, I repeat, are very impolitic to compel us to +remind them of what happened at the beginning.</p> + +<p>We men have a Divine right to rule over women, +and if we use that power given to us only with the +greatest moderation, it is because we love women +seriously.</p> + +<p>This love for you, ladies, is your only safeguard. +See how imprudent of you it is to come and ask us if +we take love seriously.</p> + +<p>Not only do we take love seriously, but I believe +that there is nothing else in this world that is taken +so seriously.</p> + +<p>Love is the only universally serious thing in the +world. Ask scientists what they think of actors.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> +They will tell you that there is no such despicable +profession in the world. Yet actors—and rightly, too—take +their art seriously.</p> + +<p>Literature and music appear to those who cultivate +them the most absolutely serious things in existence, +yet men of business, whose chief object in life is money-making, +shrug their shoulders, and feel ready to say, +like a London Lord Mayor to his son, who wanted to +devote his life to literature: 'I will be very much +obliged to you if you will decide on choosing an honest +and respectable calling.'</p> + +<p>What is serious to some is not to others. There is +nothing in this world which is universally serious—that +is to say, recognised as serious by all the civilized +members of the human race, except bread and love.</p> + +<p>The mission of man is to keep it alive with bread, +and we perpetuate it with love. When we have eaten +and when we have loved, we have fulfilled our mission. +All the rest is accessory, and only more or less serious.</p> + +<p>Poets and artists, who help make life beautiful, are +not indispensable; they are not serious. Scientists, +who make great discoveries, help make life more comfortable; +they protect us against disease; they drug +us; they cure us, but they are not indispensable—the +world would go on without them; they are not serious.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Only as long as there is bread and there is love will +the world go on and the earth continue to be inhabited +by the human race; bread and love are serious.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p> + +<p>I fear that I may have offended many people who +think that they are indispensable and that their vocation +is serious. Well, I am very sorry—very sorry +indeed—but I cannot help it. The world was made +thus, and when it was made I was not consulted.</p> + +<p>Put aside a few men and women, most of them to be +found in the leisure class or among the parasites of +society, for whom love is a pastime, and you will find +that love is taken very seriously by men, if not quite in +the same way as it is taken by women, who are +more delicate and refined psychologists than men +generally are.</p> + +<p>But, my dear ladies, as long as we men are only too +proud and happy to fight the battle of life for you, to +live for you, and, when occasion arises, sometimes die +for you, please thank the progress of civilization, which +has made us forget the origin of our relations toward +each other; do not give us reasons for reminding you +of it, and, for Heaven's sake! when we have spent years +working twelve hours a day, providing you with all the +comforts, and often the luxuries, of life, reared and +settled in the world a large family of boys and girls, do +not come and ask us if we take love seriously. You are +adding insult to injury. Yes, indeed, we take love +seriously, and matrimony too.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2> + +<h3>ARE MEN FAIR TO WOMEN?</h3> + + +<p>'You are often writing about women,' fair correspondents +keep writing to me, 'sometimes praising them, +often criticising them. Couldn't you now and then tell +us something of what you think of men, especially in +their relations with women? We know you to be fair, +sometimes generous, always good-humoured. Now, do +have a try.'</p> + +<p>The invitation is tempting and intended to be +pleasant, and I yield to it, not only without any reluctance, +but with a good deal of pleasure.</p> + +<p>To plunge <i>in medias res</i>, Are men fair to women? +The laws, which are made by men, the usages—everything +is calculated to cause men to reduce to a minimum +the qualities, the intelligence, and the influence of +women.</p> + +<p>For instance, let a woman make a reputation in art +or literature, and men begin to smile and shrug their +shoulders: they dispute her talent.</p> + +<p>I maintain, without much fear of contradiction, that +a woman, in order to succeed in a profession, must have +ten times more talent than a man, inasmuch as a man<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> +will have friends and comrades to help him, and a +woman only difficulties put in her way by man to +surmount.</p> + +<p>Man receives encouragements from all sides. If he +is successful, he even knows that his talent will receive +official recognition. In France he may become a member +of the French Academy; in England, of the Royal +Academy. Orders will be given him by rich patrons, +and 'orders' conferred on him by sovereigns and statesmen.</p> + +<p>Why should not women get all this? Why, simply +because man, being both 'verdict' and 'execution,' has +kept everything for himself. Personally, I have no +great liking for female genius—to my prejudiced mind +a female genius is a freak; but what I like or do not like +is quite out of the question. Here I state facts, and +why women should not have as much chance to prove +their genius as men I should like to know.</p> + +<p>Everybody knows that the famous School of Alexandria, +in the fifth century, had as orators and teachers +the greatest philosophers and theologians of the time, +such men as St. Jerome, St. Cyril, etc.</p> + +<p>Among these sublime intellects rose a young girl, +twenty years old, pure, radiantly beautiful, who modestly +said to them:</p> + +<p>'Please make room for me—hear me. I want my +place in the glorious sun.'</p> + +<p>She ascended the famous chair and began to explain +before an enthusiastic crowd the works of Plato and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> +Aristotle. Her talent, her learning, her eloquence +astonished the people who thronged to hear young and +fair Hypatia, daughter of Theo.</p> + +<p>Now, do you believe that all those learned, bearded +philosophers and theologians encouraged her, applauded +her? No. History tells us they lay in wait in a street +where she used to pass, and when she appeared in her +chariot, resplendent with youth, beauty, and glory, +acclaimed by the crowd, they—St. Cyril and his companions—seized +her, killed her, cut her body in hundreds +of pieces, which they threw to the four winds of the +earth.</p> + +<p>Now, modern Hypatias are not treated quite so +roughly by men, who content themselves with turning +them to ridicule, although I have heard of some who +did not hesitate in disposing of successful women's +reputations as the learned doctors of Alexandria disposed +of the body of Hypatia.</p> + +<p>Women, perhaps unfortunately, cannot all be intended +to be mothers, or spend their lives mending socks and +attending to spring house-cleaning. Such women, who +have received a high education, may not feel inclined to +be shop-girls, ladies'-maids, or cooks. If they feel that +they have talent, and can paint or write successfully, +every man ought to give them a helping hand.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2> + +<h3>A PLEA FOR THE WORKING WOMAN</h3> + + +<p>'There are too many men in the world,' once exclaimed +H. Taine. This was only a joke, but there is a great +deal of truth in it. There are, in France especially, far +too many men engaged in official Government offices, in +professional occupations, and in stores; too many +doctors without patients; too many lawyers without +briefs; too many functionaries, each doing little or +nothing, and the others seeing that he does it; too +many men in stores showing women dresses, silks, and +gloves.</p> + +<p>And the woman hater exclaimed: 'No wonder men +cannot find a living to make; all the occupations that +once were filled by men are now monopolized by women. +The hearth is deserted, the street crowded—that's the +triumph of modern feminism.'</p> + +<p>On the other hand some feminists, more royalist than +the King, exclaim: 'Woman should be kept in clover, +the protégée of humanity, and never be allowed to work.'</p> + +<p>And, taken between two fires, poor women are ready +to shout at the top of their voices, 'Save us from our +friends as well as from our enemies!' It is a fact that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> +at a recent congress of Socialists an orator declared +himself in favour of the suppression of work for +women.</p> + +<p>But women do want to work, and many of them +married, too. If what husbands earn is not enough to +maintain the family or keep it in comfort, they are +partners, and they wish to contribute to the revenue.</p> + +<p>If they are not married, they want to support themselves +or help to keep aged parents. Many of them +prefer their independence to matrimony, which not +uncommonly turns out to be about the hardest way for +a woman to get a living.</p> + +<p>Women have a right to work as they have a right to +live, and every work which is suitable for women should +be open to them. And when I see Lancashire make +girls work in the coal-mines I may ask, 'What work is +there that women cannot do?'</p> + +<p>God forbid that I should be in favour of women +working in the mines, but this is not necessary. There +are so many men who do a kind of work that women +should do, and could do just as well, if not better, that +there should be no question of any kind of work done +by women which men could do better.</p> + +<p>The earth was meant to keep her children, and she +would if everybody, man or woman, was in his or her +right place. The supply is all there and all right, but +it is its distribution which is all wrong. The same may +be said of work.</p> + +<p>There should be in this world work for all and bread<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> +for all, men or women, only the poor inhabitants of this +globe have not yet been able to obtain a proper division +of the goods which they have inherited from nature.</p> + +<p>Thanks to the discoveries of science and the openings +of new markets, opportunities for work increase every +day, but men and women are like children in a room +full of toys—they all make a rush for those which +tempt them most, and fight and die in order to obtain +them. In the presence of all the careers open to them, +they rush toward the most easy to follow or the most +brilliant.</p> + +<p>Agriculture is forsaken by men who prefer swaggering +in towns with top-hats and frock-coats, instead of imitating +in their own country the virile, valiant men of +the new worlds who fell forests, reclaim the land, and +are the advanced pioneers of civilization. They prefer +being clerks or shop assistants.</p> + +<p>Instead of taking a pickaxe, working a piece of land +and making it their own, they prefer taking a pen and +adding from 9 a.m. till 5 or 6 p.m. pounds and shillings +which do not belong to them. The result is that they +overcrowd the cities, and women can often obtain no +work except on condition that they accept it for a +smaller remuneration than would be offered to men, or, +in other words, submit to being sweated.</p> + +<p>Is it a manly occupation to be assistant in a draper's +store, to be a hairdresser, copyist, to make women's +dresses, hats, corsets? When I see in dry goods stores +a great big man over six feet high measure ribbons or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> +lace, instead of tilling the soil or doing any other kind of +manly work, I want to say to him, 'Aren't you a man?'</p> + +<p>Europe is full of men doing such work. I know +America is not, although I have many times seen in the +United States positions filled by men which would be +filled equally well by women, and often better.</p> + +<p>Many writers maintain that woman was intended to +tread on a path of roses, to be tended, petted—I may +have been myself guilty of holding views somewhat in +this direction—but women are not all born in 'society'; +millionaires are very few, and people whom you may +call rich form after all but a very small minority in the +whole community. The path of roses can only exist +for the very few, and, besides, there are women whose +aim in life is not to be petted. In fact, some absolutely +object to being petted.</p> + +<p>I tell you the time is coming, and coming at giant +strides, when every child—boy or girl—will be made +early to choose the kind of work he or she best feels +ready to undertake to make a living. The time is +coming when no poverty will stare in the face the +woman who can and is willing to work.</p> + +<p>Maybe the time is coming when a woman who bravely +earns a good living will be considered not only most +respectable—she is that now—but will be envied for her +'social standard' by the frivolous, useless women who, +from morning to night, yawn and wonder how they could +invent anything to make them spend an hour usefully +for their good or the good of their fellow-creatures.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXII</h2> + +<h3>A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION</h3> + + +<p>The women's-righters are so often accused, and justly, +too, of trying to disturb the equilibrium of happiness +in family life, that they should immediately be praised +when they do something likely to establish it on a +firmer basis.</p> + +<p>In Paris they have just succeeded in starting, under +the best and happiest auspices, schools where girls will +be taught how to bring up babies and how to keep +house. When it is considered that, out of about a +million children which are born annually, over 260,000 +die before the age of five, it calls for the utmost care in +the watchfulness and habits of parents with regard to +young children.</p> + +<p>Of all European countries, it is perhaps in France +that mortality among babies is largest. France is +being depopulated, or at least is not increasing her +population. Enough children are born, but not enough +are brought to grown-up age. This problem, over the +solution of which our legislators are very anxious, is +vital to France. It will not be solved by laws enacted, +congresses held, and leagues founded. It will be solved<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> +by a reform in the manners and habits of the people, +by making marriage easier, by marrying for love more +often, and by teaching French women that the first +duty of a mother is to raise her children herself, and +the second to know how to do it. This new school, +just established in France, will help in the right direction.</p> + +<p>The teaching of household duties will also tend to +make marriages happier by enabling wives to be more +clever and economical. If we consider that in England +and France, which each has a population of about +40,000,000, only about 100,000 men in each country +have an income of more than £500 a year, it will soon +be clear that the great problem of happiness can only +be solved by the good management of wives.</p> + +<p>Girls will be taught family hygiene, domestic economy, +and the art of cooking, including that of utilizing the +remnants of a previous meal. They will be taught how +to 'shop' intelligently; that is to say, to distinguish +good material from shoddy, and thus obtain the worth +of their money. They will, I hope, also be taught how +to make a bargain, a talent which I must say is practically +inborn in every French woman of the middle +and lower classes. No woman in the world knows as +she does how to bring down the price of things to what +she wants it to be, in Paris especially.</p> + +<p>Perhaps they will advise her to do what I would +advise every visitor to Italy. I take it that you do not +speak Italian. Never mind that; three words will<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> +serve your purpose perfectly. When you are in an +Italian shop and you ask the price of an article you +wish to buy, say to the man '<i>Quanto</i>?' (how much?); as +soon as he has named it, say '<i>Troppo</i>' (too much). Then +he will say something else. Just remark '<i>Mezzo</i>' (half +that), and then pay, and you will find that the shopkeeper +has still 40 or 50 per cent. profit.</p> + +<p>When I consider that women's-righters, as a rule, +complain bitterly of men for being of opinion that the +only thing which young girls should think about is to +prepare to become one day good wives and mothers, +I believe that great credit should be given to them for +having had the idea of starting schools where young +girls will be taught all the duties of attentive mothers +and economical wives.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>I had the privilege of being present at one lecture on +the training of children, and among all the good things +which I heard on the occasion I will quote the following, +which may be of great use, even to my English readers.</p> + +<p>1. Never threaten children with punishments you +may not be able or feel inclined to carry out. Don't let +your 'yea' mean 'nay,' nor your 'nay' 'yea.' You +must never be fickle or wavering in your dealing with +them, but always firm, just, and reliable, though kind +and indulgent. Don't punish them, and then regret it, +and afterwards fondle them as if to ask for their pardon. +If you do, you will run the risk of having your child say +to you: 'Ah, you see, mamma, you are sorry for what<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> +you have done. Instead of scolding me, I think you +ought to thank God for giving me to you!'</p> + +<p>2. Don't make mountains of molehills, or be constantly +down upon children for little breaches of +every-day discipline; don't be fidgety and fussy. +Never offer them a piece of candy, a bun, or an orange +as a reward for virtues, or as a bribe to cease being +naughty.</p> + +<p>Then came a few pieces of advice of a higher order, +and which I thought were sound in their philosophy. +Among these I cull the following:</p> + +<p>1. Do not expect your children to become a joy to +you in your old age if you have failed to be a joy to +them in their early life and training. Do not expect +them to support you when you are old. You had a +fair start of them in life, and you should be able to +provide for yourselves. They will very likely have +families of their own. Children are often sadly thrown +back through having to look after parents who, had +they taken time by the forelock, would have been able +to look after themselves, and to have given their +children a nudge onward into the bargain. For that +matter, never have to be grateful to your children, +except for the happiness they may procure you by their +affection and the successes which they meet with in life, +thanks to the education, money, advice, and what not +which you may have given to them.</p> + +<p>2. Don't let your vanity cheat you into the belief +that your children are wonders and exceptional<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> +phenomena, and that Nature's ordinary rules are not applicable +to them.</p> + +<p>In the nursery lecture on baby culture I retained two +or three pieces of advice which seemed to me remarkably +good, although my ignorance would not have enabled +me to give them. Young mothers, please listen:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p>1. Don't squeeze your baby's head.</p> + +<p>2. Never allow your child to go to bed in a bad +temper.</p> + +<p>3. Never encourage it to gaze into the fire, and never +tell it ghost stories, at night especially.</p> + +<p>4. Do not allow a rocking-horse before the age of +five.</p> + +<p>5. Never startle a child by sudden shrieks or any +other noises.</p> + +<p>6. In fact, quiet and diet will be the making of a +child strong in mind and body.</p> +</div> + +<p>I could fill several pages of this book with all the +good things I heard on the occasion of my visit to that +useful school.</p> + +<p>Maybe, one day such schools will be started in other +countries. I recommend this to the women's-righters +of the United States.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIII</h2> + +<h3>THE WORST FEATURE OF WOMEN AS A SEX</h3> + + +<p>Only a few days ago, while calling on a lady of my +acquaintance, the conversation fell on a lady singer +whom the public admired and applauded for many +years, and whose private character made her also a +great favourite in society. She left the operatic stage +a good many years ago, and went on the concert platform +under the management of her husband, who was a +well-known <i>impresario</i>. One day her voice failed her, +and so did her husband, who, realizing there was no +more money in his wife, thought that the best thing he +could do now was to leave her. With this, however, +he was not satisfied. A so-called London society paper, +having published a paragraph to the effect that he had +left his wife without any provision, this unspeakable cur +wrote to all the papers denying that he had ever been +married to that beautiful woman, who for years had +loved him, who had not only been faithful to him and +devoted to him, but had entirely supported him.</p> + +<p>People in England were so indignant that I remember +the man had immediately to leave all the clubs he was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> +associated with, and that the beautiful and talented +woman, who had been so shamefully deceived, inspired +such keen sympathy that she was more than ever sought +in society, where her reputation was so firmly established +that the letters written to the papers could not +put a stain on her character. In spite of my reminding +my lady friend of all the incidents of the case, the only +sympathy I could extract from her was the following +remark, 'She should have expected all this,' almost to +the tune of, 'She only got what she deserved.' Then, +starting to philosophize, she added: 'A woman should +know that the man who wickedly wrongs her does not +mean to marry her; and if a woman will live with a man +without being his wife, she must be prepared to bear +the consequences of her folly, and to be one day left in +the lurch.'</p> + +<p>'But,' I rejoined, 'do you mean to tell me that a +woman who, purely out of love, devotes her life to a +man, has not a right to expect that man to devote his +life to her, to protect her, to make her future safe, and +all the more so because they are not married? I am +afraid that what makes those acts of desertion so frequent +is the leniency shown by society towards them, +and the supreme contempt which women who are legally +married have for those who are not, and who are just +as respectable as they are, and very often a good deal +more so.'</p> + +<p>I am in business with many people who always had +such confidence in me, and I such confidence in them,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> +that there were never any contracts signed between us, +and I do not think they are more afraid of my breaking +my engagements with them, because they have not my +signature, than I am of their breaking their promise to +me, because I have in my hands no contract duly signed, +stamped, and witnessed.</p> + +<p>Men who deceive men, who break with them contracts +made only by word, are ostracized from society. +Why should men who deceive women be received by it +with open arms?</p> + +<p>There are men of honour in the world, thank Heaven! +and if men are expected to act honourably towards their +fellow-men, can you explain to me why women should +be found who think it quite natural that these same +men should not behave honourably, not even decently, +towards women who have placed their trust in them +to the extent of not exacting their signature on a +contract?</p> + +<p>The worst feature of women as a sex is the absence +of free-masonry among them. They stick together only +for the redress of more or less imaginary grievances; +perhaps the only one really momentous to their sex—I +mean the desertion of trusting women by treacherous +men—scarcely appeals to them. The woman who has +fallen through love and confidence will get no sympathy +from women, not even from the one who should give +it to her—I mean the one who has given herself to a +man, not because she loved him, but because he offered +her money and matrimony.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span></p> + +<p>Women who have in hand a contract of marriage +signed, stamped, and witnessed, are so inexorable towards +their sex that they will—I am ashamed to say it +for them—rather take the part of men betrayers than +that of poor women betrayed.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIV</h2> + +<h3>IS HOMŒOPATHY A CURE FOR LOVE?</h3> + + +<p>Since the publication of 'Her Royal Highness Woman' +and 'Between Ourselves,' some people, I am afraid, have +somehow been under the impression that I keep open a +sort of Dr. Cupid's office, in which I hold consultations +on questions referring to love and matrimony; and I +have received many letters—far too many to answer—in +which fair correspondents in trouble have written for +advice.</p> + +<p>Only quite recently I received a letter from a lady, +who writes: 'I am madly in love with a man whom I +cannot marry, but whom I have to see on business +almost every day; what should I do to be cured? +Should I marry another man who is now seeking my +hand, who can offer me a very good position, but whom +I do not love?'</p> + +<p>Now, here is a problem if you like: Can matrimony +be administered as an antidote? If so, in what doses?</p> + +<p>To tell you the truth, I rather believe in homœopathy—that +is to say, in the cure of the like by the +like. You want to be cured of your love for a man—why, +love another; it is as simple as possible. Yes, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> +the lady tells me she cannot love that other, yet she +seems inclined to 'swallow' him as an antidote. At +any rate, she suggests that she might do so, and I +suppose she wants me to tell her whether she is +likely to be successful, if the cure will be effective and +lasting.</p> + +<p>Of course, there is more chance of happiness in a +marriage which is contracted between a man who loves +a woman and a woman who does not love him than in one +contracted between a woman who loves a man and a man +who does not love her. Under the circumstances, a man, +after entering matrimonial life, is much more likely +to win his wife's love than a woman her husband's. I +believe this to be so true as to be almost taken for +granted.</p> + +<p>But, my dear lady correspondent, are you going to +tell that man honestly on what terms you are going to +marry him? Are you going to trust to his intelligence, +his tact, his love, his devotion, to win your affections? +And are you going to do your utmost to help him? +Surely you are not going to deceive him, let him think +you love him, and prepare for him and for yourself a +life of misery and wretchedness, and thus build your +married life on contempt and deceit, which will lead you +to hate your husband.</p> + +<p>But enough of awful suppositions, for, between you +and me, I can declare that your case is much more +hopeful than you think. The disease from which you +suffer—or, rather, from which you imagine that you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> +suffer—is quite curable, and is cured every day without +having to resort to such extreme measures as you suggest, +for, dear lady, do you not say to me that you love that +man 'madly'?</p> + +<p>Fireworks, shells, volcanic eruptions, and mad love +have this in common: they may do harm, cause suffering, +but they last a short time only. And, pray, why +do you see the man on business every day? Is he your +confessor, your doctor, your music-teacher, your dancing-master? +Has a royal escapade of recent date, like a +'penny dreadful,' created a disturbance in your otherwise +well-balanced mind?</p> + +<p>And why can't you marry him? Oh, I see, he is +married already.</p> + +<p>Now, are you aware that we never fall in love madly +except with people whom we cannot marry? You say +you did not know that. I tell you you have no idea how +simple your case is, and how common.</p> + +<p>By the way, would not, perchance, that man be the +'juvenile lead' who acts in the romantic drama which is +being played every day in your city? Oh, you matinee +girl! Are you aware that matinee girls invariably love +madly? Yes, as madly and as idiotically as do in the +play the heroes whom they worship.</p> + +<p>Now, do not take tragically, or even seriously, such +little clouds as 'mad love.' Do not use big words for +very little things. Mad love is the easiest love to cure. +Change your doctor or your dancing-master, or—if I +have otherwise guessed right—patronize another<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> +theatre. Go and see 'Hamlet'—that will cure you +of 'Romeo.'</p> + +<p>Then look more carefully at that very sensible man +who offers you marriage and a good position, and if you +realize that you can make him happy, and you are sure +you are not madly in love with him, marry him. And if +you study him very closely and discover in him qualities +and attainments that may lead you to fall in love with +him madly, don't tell him: he might believe you.</p> + +<p>Men are so silly!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXV</h2> + +<h3>DOMESTIC TYRANTS AND THEIR POOR WIVES</h3> + + +<p>The domestic tyrant has redeeming features. As a +rule he does not beat his wife.</p> + +<p>He feeds her well, clothes her decently, and is faithful +to her. When she is ill he sends for the doctor, +and does not grumble unless her convalescence should +last too long. He does not want her to die, because +she consents to be his housekeeper without wages and +allows him to get out of her all the work that can +possibly be extracted from one being who does not +claim the protection of the 'eight-hour' law.</p> + +<p>He has enough self-control to resist the temptation +of insulting her. He treats her coolly, patronizingly, +and keeps her at a respectful distance, lest she should +take liberties with him.</p> + +<p>He is dull, solemn, conceited and selfish. When he +joins the family circle, wife and children have to be +busy and silent, the only noise allowed being the rustling +of the newspaper he reads. He takes the lamp, +the only one on the table, and places it just behind his +shoulder, so as to light his paper well. His wife—poor +cat! who has to see in the dark—goes on with her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> +sewing as best she can. The children remain motionless +and speechless until it is time to go to bed. Then +they smile, say good-night, and run away like culprits.</p> + +<p>When he goes out the children speak above a whisper, +and the women of the family breathe and express an +opinion among themselves, an act of audacity which +they would never think of indulging in in his presence; +and life goes merrily until someone, with a face a yard +long, rushes in and announces 'Father is coming!' The +domestic tyrant is invariably called 'Father' by the +wife as well as by the children, and the word is spelt +with a capital 'F,' and the 'a' is sounded as if there +were a dozen French circumflex accents on the top +of it.</p> + +<p>The domestic tyrant is neither a lazy man nor a +drunkard, nor anything that is bad. On the contrary, +he is a moral man. As a rule he does not even smoke, +and that is what makes him so powerful against reproach. +What can you say to a man who is steady, sober, intelligent, +hard-working, stingy perhaps, but asks forgiveness +for that on the plea that he has a large family to secure +the future of? Outside of his house he has a very good +reputation; he is invariably called a good husband and +a good father. He invariably speaks well of his wife. +Before strangers, before friends and relatives, in her +very presence, he will sing her praises and extol her +virtues, and will constantly repeat that for industry he +does not know a woman who could compete with her. +That is the way he encourages her in the path of duty.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> +The domestic tyrant is particularly great on duty, and +when he and his wife are alone, and there is nobody else +to hear him, he tells her that he fulfils his duties, and +that surely he can expect 'females' to perform theirs. +For him, women are 'females.' His wife alone can tell +you what he really is, and on the subject this is the +information you will receive from her:</p> + +<p>'I have to be his slave for twenty-four hours a day, +work for him, humour him, and, most especially, I must +never complain of being ill, or even mention that I am +tired. I have never had from him a word of pity, of +condolence, or even of sympathy. I have never received +encouragements. I have never heard a word of praise +from his lips.</p> + +<p>'On the other hand, it takes very little to discourage +him and make him lose his high spirits. If anything +has gone wrong with his business during the day, he +comes home frowning, snarling, quarrelsome, looking +for more trouble and grievances. He does not use me +as a consoling companion in the hour of misfortune or +as a comforter in moments of annoyance. No; he +looks upon me as a target at which he can aim all his +bitterness.'</p> + +<p>And she will tell you much more than that. She +will probably tell you that the larger the family gets, +the more he is pleased, because it gives her less and less +chance of finding time to leave her home.</p> + +<p>He goes out when he likes, where he likes, and would +never think of asking her, 'Won't you come along?'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> +You never see them out together. Poor thing! life +would be tolerable to her if they were never in together.</p> + +<p>It would never enter the domestic tyrant's mind to +ask his wife if she is able to do her work alone, whether +he can help her in this or that, or simply inquire, in a +sympathetic manner, whether she doesn't feel tired after +her day's work.</p> + +<p>If he should hear complaints from her he has a +beautiful phrase ready for an answer: 'What did my +mother do? What did your mother do? I am sure +you are not worse off than they were.'</p> + +<p>This moral man, the domestic tyrant, is not uncommonly +dyspeptic, and bad digestion has been the cause +of more unhappy marriages than all the immorality of +the world put together.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> +<h1>PART II</h1> + +<h2>RAMBLES IN MATRIMONY<br /><br /></h2> + + + +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<h3>ADVICE TO YOUNG MARRIED PEOPLE</h3> + + +<p>The great art, the great science of happiness, in matrimony +especially, is never to expect of life more than it +can give. Therefore, prepare your nest in such a way +that the provisions will not be exhausted in a few weeks. +From the very beginning, put on the brake, or the car +will go too fast, and will get smashed.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Economize your caresses, rule your passions so as +never to make more promises than you can keep. You +cannot always work unless now and then you take a +rest, a holiday; neither can you always love unless +you proceed quietly and occasionally take a holiday. +Be sure that a holiday is as necessary to make you +enjoy blissful times as it is to make you endure hard +ones.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Do not for a moment believe that happiness in +matrimony can go on for ever and ever without<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> +calculation, without a great display of diplomacy on +the part of both husband and wife. Avoid being too +constantly the lover of your wife, because the lover-husband +is such a revelation to a woman that when +the day arrives—the fatal day!—on which the husband +remains alone and the lover has ceased to exist, your +wife will forget everything you may have done for her: +your constant attentions, your assiduity to your profession +or business, your forethought for her future and +that for her children—all that will count for nothing +when she realizes that the lover is gone.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Never allow a third person to interfere with your +private affairs. Never confide your little troubles and +grievances to anybody. Beware of the advising lady +who would say to you: 'If I were in your place, I +would not allow him to do this or to do that.' First +of all, she is not in your place; secondly, she cannot be +in your place, because she is neither in your heart nor +in that of your husband.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>You are the best judge—in fact, you are the only +judge—of what is best for you to do in the presence of +the many little difficulties that arise in married life. +Whether you are happy or unhappy, keep the secrets +of your married life to yourself; neither your happiness +nor your misfortune will cause you to increase the +number of your friends. Indeed, if you are perfectly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> +happy, it is only by remaining silent about it that you +will get people to forgive you your happiness.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Accept a life of abnegation and devotion. There is +in devotion a bliss which is unsurpassed. Devotion is +perhaps the most refined and lofty form of selfishness; +it raises you so much in your own estimation! It +enslaves so surely the hearts of those whom you love! +Devotion is not a sacrifice; it is a halo.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>If I were a woman, I would give all the pleasures of +life to witness the smile of my husband on a sick-bed as +I entered the room to come and sit by his side with his +hand in mine. In health, the man loves to feel that he +is the protector of his wife; in sickness, there is no such +arbour for him as the arms of the woman he loves.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h3>THE MATRIMONIAL PROBLEM</h3> + + +<p>From inquiries which I have made right and left I have +arrived at this conclusion—that, out of a hundred couples +who have got married, fifty would like to regain their +freedom after six months of matrimonial life, twenty +have come to the same opinion after a couple of years, +ten more after a longer period, and about twenty are +satisfied, though, in the last case, it often amounts to +making the best of it. Not ten of them spend their +leisure time in returning thanks that they got married—perhaps +ten, but certainly not more.</p> + +<p>And I will add this—that, among my friends and +acquaintances, the couples who live most happily +together are, without exception, those who made up +their minds to be married most quickly, and did not +attempt, during years and years of engagement, to try +and learn how to know something of each other. I do +not give this as a piece of advice to those about to +marry. I simply state a fact, although I am prepared +to admit that long engagements have never been the +proper way of preparing for matrimony.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span></p> + +<p>In my opinion, the majority of marriages will have a +chance of turning out happily when the following will +have become customs and laws:</p> + +<p>1. Before a man makes love to a woman with the +intention of asking her to become his wife, and before +a woman allows a man to speak love to her, certainly +before she accepts his offer of matrimony, both will +have ascertained that there is no disease, moral or +physical, of an hereditary nature in either family; that +the man has been a good and devoted son, a cheerful +brother, and an honest man in all his dealings, well +spoken of by his employers or his acquaintances; that +the girl is not an extravagant woman, and has, among +her friends, the reputation of being amiable, cheerful, +and a favourite at home; that both will have sufficient +means to support themselves.</p> + +<p>I will go further. I will say that it should not only +be a custom to make inquiries about the antecedents of +the parties, and their financial position, but a law, and +a strict law, too, that would prevent couples from +marrying who were likely to present society with +undesirable children, or become a burden to the community. +I believe that no emigrant is allowed to land +in America who cannot prove that he possesses some +means of existence. No couples should be allowed to +enter the 'State of Union' who cannot prove that they +possess means to support themselves, and are healthy +in mind and in body.</p> + +<p>2. Girls will be told, like in the past, that their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span> +destiny is to be one day wives and mothers, but they +will be intelligently prepared for both noble vocations. +They will come out of school able to keep a house, +cook a good, palatable meal, and make their own +dresses. They will know how to get their money's +worth when they go a-shopping. They will have +learned how to attend to babies, and have played +with live dolls. They will have listened to, and profited +by, lectures on hygiene. They will know all +these things, besides possessing the accomplishments +which are only meant to be dessert in matrimonial +life.</p> + +<p>Boys who have never been once told that their +destiny is to become one day husbands and fathers will +be prepared to be tolerably good ones. They will be +taught the consideration that man should always show +to woman. They will be taught to take off their hats +to women and young girls, and advised to do the same +one day to their own wives when they meet them. +When they get to be eighteen or twenty, they will be +informed of women's characteristic traits. They will +be told that a woman who accepts an offer of matrimony +does a man more honour than he conferred on her by +making the offer.</p> + +<p>When men and women shall by early training be +made, the former less selfish and conceited, the latter +less frivolous and extravagant, the chances of happiness +in matrimony will be greatly increased.</p> + +<p>Still, the problem will not be solved.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span></p> + +<p>You will never prevent matrimony being a lottery. +Take your ticket and—your chance.</p> + +<p>After all, matrimony is like a mushroom. The only +way to ascertain whether it is the genuine article or +poison that you have got is to swallow it—and wait.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h3>WOMEN SHOULD ASSERT THEMSELVES IN MATRIMONY</h3> + + +<p>A cynic once said that in this world men succeed through +the qualities which they do not possess. By this he +meant to say that to cope with the pushing crowd, you +must not be too scrupulous, or you will let everybody +pass before you.</p> + +<p>A worse cynic, one of the blackest type and deepest +dye, went as far as to say: 'The way to succeed is to +have unbounded impudence, popular manners, absence +of scruple, and complete ignorance of everything.'</p> + +<p>But, then, take it for granted that this cynic was only +a disappointed failure. You will constantly hear the +man who has failed in life exclaim: 'Oh, if I had not +always wished to remain perfectly honest, I could have +succeeded like many others I know.'</p> + +<p>Just as you hear women who fail to get engagements +on the stage or the concert platform remark: 'If I +had had no objection to obtaining engagements in the +way some women do, I would have made my mark—but +I am not one of that sort.'</p> + +<p>At the risk of appearing paradoxical, and even +cynical, I will venture to say that in love, and in matrimony<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> +especially, certain great qualities are more detrimental +to the happiness of women than many of their +defects. And if this is a correct statement, to what +shortcoming of man are we going to attribute it?</p> + +<p>I know that on reading this some women will exclaim: +'Shame on you to say such a thing!' Very well, will +you listen to me? Look around you, among all your +circles of friends and acquaintances, of relatives even, +and tell me if, as a rule, the young girl who is vain, +selfish, coquettish, a flirt even, has not better chances of +marriage, and is not sought after rather than the simple, +unaffected, devoted, intellectual girl? Tell me if the +bumptious rose does not generally carry the day over +the modest, retiring violet?'</p> + +<p>Of course, I know that you will say to me, 'You may +be right; men—I mean most men—are caught, like +mackerel, by shining bait; but when a man is married, +surely he is not slow to recognise which of the two is +the right one to have as a wife, and to appreciate all +the qualities and virtues of the second one.'</p> + +<p>Well, you are wrong—wrong as can be. Look around +you again, study now the married couples that you +know, and you will have to confess that the wife who +is coquettish, frivolous, clever, will know how to make +herself respected, and even feared, by her husband much +more than the other.</p> + +<p>That husband will pay to her his best attentions, +will be proud of her, and will work like a slave in +order to meet all the expenses required for the adornment<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> +of her beauty without once venturing to make a +remark.</p> + +<p>I tell you that if I had a marriageable daughter, +whom I wanted to get rid of, I would tell her to put +all her retiring ways in the cloak-room and to assert +herself, and, after the wedding ceremony, I would +whisper in her ears:</p> + +<p>'My dear child, never make yourself the slave of +your husband; be good, faithful and devoted to him, +but do not forget that man is a strange animal, who +seldom appreciates what he does not pay for. In this +respect men are like those people who listen breathlessly +to music in a hall or theatre where they have +paid a guinea for their seats, and who, as guests in a +drawing-room, take the very best music as a signal for +entering into general conversation. If you want your +husband to listen to your music, make him pay for his +seat.'</p> + +<p>The poor little woman who follows to the letter all +the lectures she has heard on matrimony, at home and +at church wedding ceremonies, will soon find the irreparable +mistake she has made. In this rôle of devoted +slave she will lose her beauty, her intelligence, her very +mind, and will wither rapidly.</p> + +<p>Devoting herself, body and soul, forgetting herself +always in order to increase the welfare of her husband +she will work, wear herself out, until, when her beauty +is gone, her husband will feel for her nothing but indifference, +if not, alas! sometimes contempt.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> + +<p>If one of the two must endure a privation in order +that the other may have more comfort, it should be the +man, always the man: first, because hard work and +privations do not hurt a man as they can hurt a woman, +physically and mentally; secondly, because a woman is +far more apt to appreciate self-abnegation in a man +than a man in a woman.</p> + +<p>All this does not mean that men are all brutes—no; +although it must be admitted that there is something +brutal in their very nature which is ever fascinated by +what is piquant, and never excited by a devotion which +they feel is, above all, the duty of the stronger toward +the weaker.</p> + +<p>Let women gently, diplomatically, but firmly, assert +themselves on the very threshold of matrimony, or all +the concessions which they make at the beginning will +soon be considered by their husbands as their due. In +matrimonial life, as in the government of nations, you +can never take back concessions or privileges granted too +quickly and without enough consideration.</p> + +<p>Women who start married life as slaves will never be +able to assert themselves or enjoy the slightest influence +over their husbands; and bear in mind that no marriage +has ever proved to be happy where the influence of +woman, though sweet and gentle, has not been paramount.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h3>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—I</h3> + + +<p>I have many times been asked the question, Who are +the best subjects for matrimony? I believe (kindly +mark that I do not say I am sure) that the best subjects +for matrimony are people with simple tastes, equable +tempers, no very great aspirations, satisfied with doing +little and being little. These, at all events, are the +kind of people most likely to be happy in matrimony, +far more likely than, say, for instance, the 'intellectuals,' +who are ever in search of the pathway that leads to the +higher walks of life, who have ambitions to satisfy and +many inducements to divert their minds from the peaceful +ways of contentment and happy matrimony. Little +things please little minds, and those couples, whom +we have all met in life, who know nothing, who dream +of nothing above what they have got, who are perfect +mutual admiration societies, are the best subjects for +matrimony. These people, snoring under the same +curtain, eating out of the same plate, as it were, having +the same tastes, persuaded that no one is blessed with +such children as they have, satisfied with all they do, +sure that the religion they follow is the only true one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> +in the world, spend a peaceful and happy life in the +exchange of familiarities which, for them, constitute +love. They respect and enjoy each other; they echo +each other's sentiments; and their beings are coupled +together, trotting along, like two dogs well looked +after. Their discussions at home are never on any +higher questions than whether green peas are better +with duck than Brussels sprouts. They are cheerful, +smiling. She calls him Smith or Brown, and he never +speaks of her but as 'my good lady.' Before the +children they call each other 'father' and 'mother.' +They may be grocers, fruiterers—I don't care what they +are; they are happy, perfect subjects for matrimony.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>What divers and strange unions are sanctioned by +matrimony, to be sure! By the side of resigned couples, +harnessed together and painfully dragging the plough, +those who have never been able to understand each +other, through want of space, because they were too +near to make proper observations; those who, alas! +understand each other too well; sweet, amiable women +of poetic dispositions, chained to matter-of-fact, brutal +men; honest, saving, hard-working men fastened for +life to silly, thoughtless, extravagant women; romantic +women married to men who see no difference between +Vesuvius in eruption and the smoking chimneys of +Pittsburg or Birmingham; women of a keen, humorous +disposition living with dullards unable to see a joke; +Wagnerians having for wives women who prefer the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> +music of 'The Casino Girl' to that of 'Lohengrin': +almost everywhere tragedy or comedy.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Matrimony is a very narrow carriage. If you want +to be comfortable in it you have to be careful, or one +will soon be in the way of the other. To put yourself +to a little inconvenience now and then is the only way +of making the other comfortable. To believe that love +alone, without careful study, will resist all the shocks +and will be all the more durable that it is ardent is the +greatest mistake one can make in the world. Violent +passion may be compared to Hercules, who might have +enough strength to raise a palace on his shoulders, but +not enough to stand a cold in his head. It is the +thousand and one little drawbacks of matrimonial life +that undermine it. Love will survive a great misfortune, +but will be killed by the little miseries of conjugal +partnership. In matrimony it is the little things that +count and which, added up, make a terrible total. The +waning love of a wife will not be revived by the present +of a thousand pound pair of ear-rings, but it may +be kept up by the daily present of a penny bunch +of violets, which reminds her that you think of her +every day of your life. It is not the great sacrifices +that appeal to her as do constant little concessions. +Many men would sacrifice their lives who would not +give up smoking or their too frequent visits to their +clubs for their wives. Many women will be the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> +incarnation of devotion and self-abnegation who will not do +their hair as their husbands beg them to.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Surely matrimony ought to procure happiness, for +the greatest bliss on earth should be to love in peaceful +security with the guarantee of the morrow. Matrimony +is all right. So are the symphonies of Beethoven—when +they are performed by orchestras who play in +time and in tune.</p> + +<p>The worst—indeed, the only serious—drawback to +matrimony is that it is an everyday meal which, +palatable as it may be, runs the risk of becoming +insipid, and of making fastidious the people who have +to partake of it. True, but then let people who are +intelligent and thoughtful supply seasoning which will +whet the appetite and combat Habit, that demon which +is their deadliest enemy.</p> + +<p>It is folly, rank folly, to believe that it is wise, even +prudent, to exhaust all at once the sum of happiness, +illusion, and love with which one enters the state of +matrimony, and to give one's self body and soul until, +soon satiated and by-and-by tired of each other, both +will turn their heads away in disgust, and may, later +on, lose them in despair.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h3>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—II</h3> + + +<p>There was a time, and I can remember it myself, when +men as well as women wore wedding-rings. It was, I +think, a very pretty custom. The wedding-ring ought +to be worn by both husband and wife, not only as a +constant reminder of faith sworn, but also as a talisman; +it should be a cherished jewel given to the +husband by the wife, as well as one given to the +wife by the husband, and given in each case with a +loving, earnest kiss impressed upon it. The wedding-ring +is such a priceless jewel in the eyes of loving +women that I have heard of some who became insane on +losing it. Why should it not be priceless in the eyes of +a man who loves his wife?</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Every time that two beings who live together are +not of the same opinion or of the same taste, a concession +on the part of the one or of the other has to be +made, or trouble will follow. This is a rule without +exception. In conjugal parlance Concession is another +name for Duty. Concessions should even be made in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> +everyday conversation, and long discussions most carefully +and invariably avoided. Discussions are generally +useless; they never lead to conviction, and may cause +you to run a dangerous risk—that of losing your control +over your good temper. In a wild desire to prove +that he is right, a man will blurt out words that he +will be sorry to have uttered, betray thoughts which he +always meant to keep to himself, and when the discussion +is over those words remain and the harm is +done.</p> + +<p>The moment a discussion takes too lively a form, one +of the two should have enough self-control to stop +adding fuel to it and remain silent, even at the risk of +letting the other suppose that his (or her) arguments +are unanswerable. Of course, this silence should be +kind, discreet; not that odious silence of ill-assorted +couples, which is a silence of disgust and hatred. If +both man and wife are quick-tempered and unable to +avoid a heated discussion, they should leave off at once; +they should even separate and go, he to light a cigar in +his library or in the garden, she to touch her piano or +take up a novel, until both have forgotten all about it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A mistake made by a great many married couples is +to avoid speaking of money matters. But the most +loving couples cannot altogether live on love and the +air of the atmosphere; it is not given to all of them—in +fact, it is given to only very few of them—to spend<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> +without having to count. A man and a wife are +two friends, two partners, who should constantly hold +pleasant little committee meetings of two in order to +discuss all matters of pecuniary interest and balance +their budget of receipts and expenditure. Once a week +at least, they should employ an hour in this way, hand +in hand, like the best of friends. Thus it is that by +mutual confidence each will encourage the other to +think of the future, and little by little both will soon +find themselves possessing the nucleus of a small fortune, +in which they will take more and more interest, and +which one day, to their surprise, will be found quite +snug and bearing an interest that will add considerably +to their annual revenue.</p> + +<p>A married woman should never consent to receive so +much a week for household expenses, so much a month +for her dress, and to be treated, so to speak, as a +dependent person. It should be left to her to decide +whether, considering what the financial situation is, she +can afford two new hats or one only. The suggestion, +much less the order, should not come from her husband, +but from herself.</p> + +<p>I like the French system, where a man consults his +wife in all important matters of financial interest, such +as the investment of savings, etc.; but from the day +she is married, the French wife begins to be taught by +her husband the details of his profession or business, +and the best and safest investments of the day, and +she immediately and invariably is appointed by him<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span> +secretary of the treasury—among the masses of the +people, anyway—and that is why I have not the least +hesitation is asserting the fortune of France is so stable +and steady. It is because, thanks to the influence of +the wife, French families have their money invested in +the safest Government securities. So long as they can +work, they are satisfied with a very small interest for +their capital, in order to be quite sure that when the +days of rest will become a necessity, that capital will be +there to keep them, if not in wealth, at all events in +comfort and complete independence.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When married couples have nothing better to do, +they should amuse themselves making all sorts of +plans for the future. They should plan journeys to +distant countries, build castles in the air, buy country +houses, and consult each other and decide how they +shall furnish them and lay out the grounds. These +plans are like barricades—they mask the future; besides, +they cause you amusement and cost nothing. +And—who knows?—among those many plans perhaps +there will be one of your predilections that you will +actually be able to realize. What happens then? Plans +are akin to caresses—they go together hand in hand; +they are the gratuitous pleasures of sweet intimacy.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Young married people should avoid being too demonstrative, +not only in public, but in private, in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span> +first years especially. They should constantly remember +that they enter the state of matrimony with a +certain capital of love. They must not squander that +capital, but live on the interest of it only.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>There are young people who too often feel the want +of manifesting their love by exaggerated proofs of +tenderness, such as the administration to each other of +names of birds and pet quadrupeds, of showers of kisses, +of little pats on the face. The exaggerated frequency +of such acts produces a reaction, and often a slight sensation +of enervation, that should never be born of caresses. +And as these outward shows of love run the risk of +diminishing in number and fervour, there is danger of +their thus becoming a sign or a proof of decline in +tenderness.</p> + +<p>In public these demonstrations are ridiculous and +vulgar; they put other people ill at ease, who smile +and sneer, and even remark, 'They will soon get +over it.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h3>RAMBLES ABOUT MATRIMONY—III</h3> + + +<p>To marry a beautiful woman for the mere love of her +beauty is to undertake to dwell in a country that has a +temperature of 100 in the shade without being provided +with clothes that will enable you to stand a winter of +50 below zero when it comes.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In the relations between men and women it is, after +all, beauty that makes woman particularly attractive to +man. For this reason, the love of a man is more +sensual, more jealous, than that of a woman, which is +more affectionate, more confiding, and more faithful. +As a rule, the passion of a husband goes on diminishing +as that of his wife goes on increasing. A man exacts +of his wife her first love; a woman exacts of her husband +his last. Only the select few can manage their matrimonial +affairs with such clever diplomacy as to make +these different elements of happiness and sources of +danger work together with success.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Married people would live more happily together if<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> +they could now and then forget that they are tied +together for life. Any little scene that may help them +to forget it should be enacted by them.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Happiness in matrimony is more solid when it is +founded on friendship through thick and thin than +when it is merely on love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In love a moment of bliss is nothing; it is only the +morrow which purifies and sanctifies it. How many +married couples would be happy if they would only +think of the morrow!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The husband who knows how to always keep something +in store for his wife has solved the great problem +of happiness in matrimonial life.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Cupid introduces men and women into that enclosure +which is called matrimony, and then discreetly and +almost immediately retires. What a pity it is he does +not make their acquaintance later, in order to remain +with them for ever!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Marriages would be very much happier if women +preferred marrying men who love them to those whom +they love.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span></p> + +<p>Matrimony would be a glorious institution if women +would take as much care of themselves for their +husbands as they do when they expect guests at their +dinner-parties and receptions.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Women should devote all their best attentions to +learning how to grow old in time and gradually, and +in remembering that tears make them unattractive, and +angry looks hideous.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>One of the greatest dangers to happiness in matrimony +is not want of love, but too much of it, at the +beginning especially. Love dies of indigestion more +quickly than of any other disease. Never satiate your +wife—or your husband—with love. Do not live on +£10,000 the first year of your married life, and be +obliged to reduce your income by £1,000 or £2,000 +every year. Begin gently, quietly, and let your +revenue, like your love, slowly but steadily increase. +There lies your only chance. With self-control you +have it at your disposal.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>All vocations require preparation and apprenticeship. +Matrimony is the only one which men and women can +enter into without knowing anything about it. Alas!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h3>THE START IN MATRIMONY, AND ITS DANGERS</h3> + + +<p>In matrimony it is not 'All is well that ends well'; +it is 'All is well that begins well, but not too well.' +Starting from this principle, I have often advised +young husbands to control themselves, and to be careful +to avoid putting all their smartest dialogue and strongest +situations in the first act of the comedy of matrimony, +for fear lest the interest should go on flagging steadily +to the end.</p> + +<p>I have advised them to see that their wives do not +get their own way in everything at once, and not to +make themselves their abject slaves, because, just as no +government has ever been known to successfully suppress, +or even reduce, any liberty or privilege previously +granted to the people, just so will no husband +be able to recover one inch of the ground he has surrendered +if he capitulates on the threshold of matrimony.</p> + +<p>In fact, let young husbands and young wives behave +toward each other in such a way that their friends will +not smile and say: 'Lovely, but too good to last, I'm +afraid.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span></p> + +<p>The dangers against which I have attempted to warn +men exist for women—devoted, loving women who wish +to start matrimony by trying to do the impossible in +order to please their husbands, or, if not the impossible, +at all events, what it may not be in their power to do +for ever, or even for a long time.</p> + +<p>One of these dangers is that of economy.</p> + +<p>'My dear,' remarked a shrewd friend to a bride of a +few weeks' standing, 'you will make a terrible mistake +if you let your husband think that you can keep house +on nothing.'</p> + +<p>Young wives are sometimes pitifully anxious to be +credited with remarkable cleverness as house-mistresses. +The more they love their husbands, the less they like +the idea of their toiling and moiling. Hence they are +keenly anxious to prove themselves helpmeets in the +literal sense of the word.</p> + +<p>Not only will they name a far smaller sum as housekeeping +money than their husbands can well afford to +give them, but they will actually save out of that +sum enough for their own clothes and petty cash +expenses.</p> + +<p>All this self-sacrifice is not only charming, but +beautiful, when there is necessity for rigid economy. +Young couples who wisely marry on small incomes, +instead of wasting the sweetness of their youth over an +endless engagement, must make a study of ways and +means, and the wife who will cajole a shilling into doing +duty for a five-shilling piece is a jewel beyond price.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> + +<p>Again, when times are bad, when the bread-winner +falls ill, and the treasury runs dry, there is no more +pathetic and lovely sight than the brave little wife who +struggles and succeeds in keeping the wolf out of the +house.</p> + +<p>But in instances where no serious demand of this +kind need be made upon a wife's ingenuity, she is a +very short-sighted woman indeed who does not see +the dangers and realize the evils of overzealous +economy.</p> + +<p>There would be fewer complaints of marriages that +result in the wife being merely an unpaid servant or +housekeeper, who cannot give notice to leave, if brides +began as they meant to go on, for no one save those +who have lived through the process knows how difficult +it is to introduce a new régime when once its opposite +had been inaugurated and accepted.</p> + +<p>'You said you would find £3 10s. a week ample a +month ago. Why in the world do you want £5 now?' +asks the husband, whose wife has been foolishly anxious +to impress him with her cleverness as an economist, and +finds she cannot keep up the farce beyond the limit of +a few weeks.</p> + +<p>Economy may be carried too far from choice. There +are women who simply love saving. They neglect their +intellectual life, and abandon all attempts to keep in +the movement, all in order to grind down the weekly +bills. No reward awaits them.</p> + +<p>The women who believe themselves perfect because<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span> +they are economical, and consider the spring-cleaning +of their house the greatest event of the year, grow old +before their time, and are never the companions modern +wives should be to their husbands.</p> + +<p>Be good, but never overdo it, I will say to any woman +who has the sense of humour.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h3>'OMELETTE AU RHUM'</h3> + + +<p>When you are dining with an intimate friend, and an +<i>omelette au rhum</i> is served, what do you do? Without +any ceremony, you take a spoon, and, taking the burning +liquid, you pour it over the dish gently and unceasingly. +If you are careless, and fail to keep the pink +and blue flame alive, it goes out at once, and you have +to eat, instead of a delicacy, a dish fit only for people +who like, or are used to have, their palates scraped by +rough food. If you would be sure to be successful, you +will ask your friend to help you watch the flame, and +you will even ask him to lift the omelette gently so that +the rhum may be poured all over it until the whole of +the alcohol contained in the liquor is burned out.</p> + +<p>This <i>omelette au rhum</i> is a fairly good symbol of +matrimony.</p> + +<p>In the earliest stage of married life the eggs have just +been broken, beaten, and strewn with sugar, a light has +been set, and everything is burning and perfectly +beautiful. The young partakers of the matrimonial +repast are intoxicated with their new life, their new +emotions, their new sensations; they require no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> +indulgence toward each other, no special cleverness or +diplomacy to please each other; there are no concessions +to make—neither of them can go or do wrong; +the flame burns of itself.</p> + +<p>I do not mean to say that the flame can be kept +burning for ever and ever—alas! no, not any more than +life can be made to eternally animate your body. The +flame must go out one day, as some illness must one +day end your life. But, just as hygiene teaches how to +keep our good health prolonged by precautions of all +sorts, just so does common-sense, aided by diplomacy +and skill, help us to keep alive the flame of love between +the man and the woman who have kindled it.</p> + +<p>And let no woman accuse me of manly conceit if I +say that, clever and attentive as the man must be, the +woman has to be more clever and attentive still, and +that simply because it is a fact—an uncontradicted fact +(call it psychological if you like, or physiological if you +prefer)—that the love or passion of a woman goes on +naturally increasing in married life, whereas that of a +man goes on just as gradually and steadily decreasing.</p> + +<p>In marriage the flame of love has been known to keep +long alive through the intelligence of the wife, and even +without any effort in that direction on the part of the +husband; but the contrary has never been known to be +successful.</p> + +<p>Woman is a divine delicacy who has to tempt the +appetite of man; but the most exquisite delicacy +may become insipid if served every day with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span> +eternally same sauce. This is plain common-sense, +and let me tell you this: that no married life (not one) +has a shadow of chance to be happy for long unless the +woman clearly understands and quickly realizes that, if +moral duties are the same for men and women, Nature +has made their temperaments absolutely different.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h3>COQUETRY IN MATRIMONY</h3> + + +<p>No coquetry in matrimony? Who is the Philistine who +dares utter such blasphemy? Good heavens! if half +the curling-pins, which are used by women at night in +order to be beautiful the following day and attract the +attention and admiration of strangers, were used by +them in the morning, so that they might be beautiful +the same day, and draw the attention and admiration +of their husbands, there would be happiness in matrimony, +and the world would go much better than it +does.</p> + +<p>The greatest, the most dangerous enemy of happiness +in matrimony is habit which engenders monotony. You +get too much accustomed to each other, and love fades, +as a flower which falls off its stem before it has lived its +natural life, owing to some insect which destroys it.</p> + +<p>That insect in matrimony is habit, which devours +everything without your being aware of its presence. +Destroy that insect before it has had time to do any +harm, and you will have saved your dual happiness.</p> + +<p>A grave error committed by many women is to +believe that they must look their best for the friends,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> +acquaintances and strangers who visit them, but that +they need not take much trouble for their husbands.</p> + +<p>But the fact is that a woman ought to ever appear +before her husband at her very best, whether it is in a +morning negligée or in a full afternoon or evening +toilette.</p> + +<p>Your husband, my dear lady, ought to see in you +more than he could see in any other woman. All comparisons +ought to be to your advantage. It is not at +all necessary that you should have an expensive gown +on at breakfast-time. Your hair well fixed, and a nice-fitting +dressing-gown may make you look as attractive +as a beautiful ball-dress.</p> + +<p>It is not clothes that make a woman fascinating; it +is the way she puts them on.</p> + +<p>In fact, never allow yourself to be seen by your +husband in any other state than that in which you +would allow yourself to be seen by the male portion of +your acquaintances, not even in illness. As long as +your strength permit, remain coquettish and jealous of +your appearance. Yes, I say, even on a sick-bed.</p> + +<p>The part you have to play consists in spraying a +perfume of poetry around you. Fill your husband with +remembrances of you, so that, even when you are not +visible, you are present before his eyes.</p> + +<p>Allow him the most complete liberty, and never ask +him questions on what he has done, where he has been.</p> + +<p>Take it for granted that he has done nothing which +he should not have done, that he has been nowhere<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> +where he should not have been, and it is that perfect +confidence which you show you have in him that will +always keep him in the path of faithfulness, unless he +is, which is only exceptional, an absolutely bad man.</p> + +<p>If clouds are gathering over your happiness, it is for +you women to clear them away. You are the guardian +angels of the home, which is your kingdom. If you +have trials, strain every nerve to appear smiling, and if +sometimes tears stifle you, shed them in secret, even +should the cause of your trial be the inconstancy of +your husband.</p> + +<p>You will not bring him back to you with reproaches, +tears and scenes. You will thus keep him away for +good. Remember that Nature, which has treated you +so ungenerously, makes you ugly when you weep and +hideous when you make a scene.</p> + +<p>You will bring back an erring husband by your kindness, +your sweetness, your devotion, and your intelligence. +The only infallible way to get a husband +attached to you is to let him believe that you never +suspected him, much less accused him, even when he +was guilty. Call to your aid whatever resources are at +your disposal—resources of intelligence, of beauty, of +abnegation—and, if your husband is not a brute, he will +return to you, and he will be all the more ashamed of +the way in which he neglected you for a time that, by +your behaviour, you seem to consider he had never for a +day ceased to love you.</p> + +<p>Never make an allusion to the fatted calf which you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> +killed on the return of the prodigal heart. Be as +merciful in your victory as you were in your temporary +defeat.</p> + +<p>Do not be satisfied with forgiving; forget, and make +him forget everything. Use scales: on one side place +his years of devotion to you, his industry, his forethought +in securing your future and that of your children; on +the other his faults; and even if these scales should +incline to remain horizontal, with a gentle touch of +your finger make them go down in favour of what he +has done for you.</p> + +<p>The supreme coquetry of a woman is to know how to +reign, even when her husband governs. Her very weakness +is the best weapon in her hands. Her husband +should be the motive of all her actions. Before thinking +of appearing beautiful to the indifferent, she should +think of appearing beautiful to her husband.</p> + +<p>If she is admired, she should feel proud of it for his +sake, and make him understand that only crumbs are for +strangers; that he alone is invited to the whole meal of +her beauty, her love, her boundless devotion.</p> + +<p>And let me add that there is not, in this chapter, a +single word of advice which I give to women in their +dealings with husbands which I do not endorse and give +to men in their dealings with their wives.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h3>RESIGNATION IN MATRIMONY</h3> + + +<p>According to characters and circumstances, resignation +is the virtue of the weak or the virtue of the strong. A +woman resigns herself to her fate in married life, sometimes +because she has not enough strength of will, +sometimes because she does not deign to revolt, oftener +still because she discovers that her rebellion could only +make matters worse for herself, and especially for her +children.</p> + +<p>If her husband is good, her resignation will soon +bring him back to her; if he is bad, her rebellion will +make him much worse.</p> + +<p>If you cannot sympathize with your husband, or +adopt his views and manner of thinking, resign yourself, +keep your views for yourself, and do not transform +your married life into an eternal French public meeting, +where, instead of striking pebbles together in +order to obtain light, they throw them at one another's +faces.</p> + +<p>Fulfil your duties. Never complain. Never exact +what is not offered to you, unless it be respect. So long +as your husband treats you with respect, at home as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> +well as in public; so long as he is the thoughtful father +of your children, and carefully and industriously attends +to his profession or business, respect him and inspire in +your children the respect for him, and especially do not +make your children the confidant of your grievances; +that is your foremost duty.</p> + +<p>I cannot say to you: Try to force yourself to love +your husband. This is not in your power. But I +will say: Be irreproachable, and thus make yourself the +superior of your husband. Devote yourself to your +family. If you are rich, do with your money all +the good that you can. The greatest possession is +self-esteem. You can rise so high that the offences +committed against you may appear infinitely small. +After all, we get in this world the place that we +know how to make for ourselves.</p> + +<p>Never let the outside public know the details of your +private life. Receive your friends and your guests with +a smile on your lips. If your husband is a gentleman, +he will show you before them the greatest consideration, +and if you are a lady you will treat him in a like +manner.</p> + +<p>If your husband is unable to offer you his love—I +mean a lover's love—do not commit the mistake of +refusing his friendship, for it is just possible that this +man, who has not in him the power to love you as a +lover, would still be ready to give his life for you.</p> + +<p>He would certainly be still ready to give it for his +children, <i>your</i> children. Surely that friendship is worth<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span> +having. Of course, the young wife, who discovers after +only a few years of marriage that the dream of love has +vanished, is to be pitied, supposing that it has not been +through her fault that the dream has had such a short +life; but the woman who for twenty or more years has +had a faithful lover-husband is conceited and ridiculous +beyond measure when she does not almost cheerfully +resign herself to the inevitable crisis in matrimony; and +if she has children that she takes in her confidence, and +thus estranges from their father, her vanity is not +very far from criminal. At all events, she deserves +the sympathy of no one.</p> + +<p>Resign yourself to the inevitable. Let the days of +love, happiness, and devotion count in the final reckoning, +and, in turning over a new leaf, be sure you bring +forward devotion, and soon happiness may have to be +added again.</p> + +<p>Put on a cheerful face always, and remember that it +pays to excite envy, never to excite pity.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h3>TIT FOR TAT</h3> + + +<p>There is more joy in heaven, we are told, for one sinner +who repents than for a hundred righteous people who +keep straight on the narrow ways of salvation.</p> + +<p>And, I should add, there must be more joy in hell for +one good man who goes wrong than for a hundred +sinners who persevere in their wicked ways.</p> + +<p>There should be more joy in the heart of a woman +for a man who remains in love with her than for a +hundred others whose admiration she may obtain.</p> + +<p>There are some women who may love a man ever so +much, and be loved by him to their hearts' content, who +will use all their artillery to bring down strangers to +their feet, but who will make little or no effort to look +their best for the man who loves them and is devoted to +them. For such women their beauty is an altar erected +to unknown gods.</p> + +<p>Married life would be an everyday bliss and an eternal +one if men never thought of doing to or before their +wives what they would never dream of doing to or +before any ladies of their acquaintance, and, of course,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> +if women did the same; but such is not always, even +often, the case. Hence the trouble.</p> + +<p>How many men have taken their wives to a ball, +women whose radiant beauty and brilliant toilettes have +caused the admiration of all men present, and also the +envy of many women?</p> + +<p>How many men have felt that, if the said wives had +made as much preparation for them as they had for all +the strangers present at that ball, they could have fallen +at their feet and worshipped them?</p> + +<p>On returning home, however, Madame has immediately +retired to her room, ordered her maid to quickly +remove and pack away the lovely attire, and, an hour +later, prepared for the night's rest, she appeared before +her husband with her hair all prepared for the next day, +her hands carefully gloved so that they may be as white +as snow—also for the next day—and wrapped up and +as inaccessible as a valuable clock that is going to be +shipped to the other end of the world.</p> + +<p>That is the lot of many men—may I not even say of +most husbands? Then a bold husband will venture to +make some remarks. He will say, 'Now, my dear, I +hear you practise your scales and exercises, but seldom +do you treat me to a piece of music, which I only hear +when I have guests or we go out. Everyone—at the +ball—has admired your beautiful hair and your lovely +gown, but for me, all I see is hairpins and curlers and a +dressing-gown.'</p> + +<p>And Madame will answer more or less sourly, 'Is it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span> +because I am your wife that I must grow ugly? Do +you want my hair to fall over my neck and shoulders +to-morrow like weeping willows? Do you want my +hands to be red and chappy? Are you sorry I am careful +of my clothes and have them put away, well folded +in tissue-paper, when I have no need of them?</p> + +<p>'Do you reproach me for doing you honour and being +at the same time careful? Will you tell me, is there +any way to please you? And do you think that, after +enjoying herself and receiving compliments during a +whole evening, it is very pleasant for a woman to return +home and hear nothing but rebuffs, reproaches and the +like?'</p> + +<p>The poor man feels he is beaten, that he is a brute, +and he says nothing more, until one night when it is +time to retire, he prepares a surprise for his wife.</p> + +<p>'What's all this?' exclaims the wife when she realizes +what has happened.</p> + +<p>'Nothing, dear,' he replies. 'To tell you the truth, +I go hunting to-morrow morning, and I shall have to +rise very early. My hunting-boots are new, and in the +morning my feet are always a little swollen, so I keep +them on to save trouble. You must excuse my spurs, +too, dear, but I prefer these, which are fastened to the +boots. I shall be most comfortable to-morrow.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<h3>THE IDEAL HUSBAND</h3> + + +<p>There are qualities which most women admire in men, +and there are qualities which practically every man +admires in all women; but if you were to ask of a +hundred men, 'What is the ideal wife?' and of a +hundred women, 'What is the ideal husband?' you +would get a hundred opinions all different one from +the other.</p> + +<p><i>Quot capita, tot sensus</i>, which, in the case of women, +I should like to translate, 'So many pretty heads, so +many different opinions.' This, however, is as it should +be. Only there remains that terrible problem for every +man and woman to solve: Find your ideal if you can, +and when you think you have found it, see that you are +not disappointed.</p> + +<p>I have of late interviewed a good many Parisiennes +on the subject, and I will give some of the answers +which I have received.</p> + +<p>One said to me: 'The ideal husband is the one who +devotes his life to his wife, who makes her the first +consideration in all his thoughts and acts, who understands +that she is the aim of everything which he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> +undertakes, and that he should use all the resources +that Nature has placed in his mind and Fortune has +put in his hands in order that she may be happy and +remain long beautiful.'</p> + +<p>I need not say that this was the opinion of a young +girl who had only just made her début in society. Nor +do I need say that the following came from the lips of +a married woman—one, however, whom I guarantee to +be in the possession of all the womanly virtues likely to +make a husband most satisfied with his lot.</p> + +<p>'The ideal husband,' she said, 'is the one who lets +his wife alone, who does not interfere with her household +duties or any of her little womanly fads, who is +not always paying her compliments or besieging her +with advice, and who is not always by her side or +behind her back, who seldom addresses her reproaches, +and never reminds her of what he has done to deserve +her gratitude, who is not fussy, fidgety, or a bore of a +model of propriety and virtue.</p> + +<p>'When I was a young girl I dreamed of matrimony +as a sweet state of slavery. Now I shout for liberty—liberty +for him and liberty for me. I do not mean to +say, of course, that man and wife should live apart and +not care one what the other does. No, no; but I +firmly believe that we should remain at a respectful +distance from the objects which we want to see to +advantage and admire.</p> + +<p>'A woman should never allow even the most loving +and beloved of husbands to be constantly making love<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> +to her. One may suffer from abundance of wealth. A +great deal of discretion and a certain amount of respect +between married people are sure to secure the duration +and the solidity of their affection. Those who live at +too close quarters are sure to part one day or the +other.'</p> + +<p>Here is another, with less philosophy, but a good +deal of what I might call paradoxical psychology:</p> + +<p>'The ideal husband,' said to me a woman married to +a French painter on the road to celebrity, 'is the one +who is not a man of genius. Nothing monopolizes a +man like a great talent for writing, painting, or even +business; he belongs to his muse, his art, or his figures. +His thoughts are absorbed, and he has very few, if any, +left for the little creature who lives with him, not in +the clouds, but by his side on this earth.</p> + +<p>'When he returns from his dreams, he throws at her—poor +inferior being!—a glance of pity, if not of contempt. +My ideal husband is a man who can live for +me as I am ready to live for him, and who can do +without a mistress, whether that mistress be called +Literature, Art, or Commerce. I love great men, great +poets, great painters or sculptors, but I would not have +a great man for a husband; nay, furthermore, I should +like to have a husband jealous of all the great men of +my predilection in the world of fiction.'</p> + +<p>A piquant little woman, not a bit beautiful, but +absolutely charming and the embodiment of amiability +and cheerfulness, said to me:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p> + +<p>'The ideal husband shall not be a handsome man, +but a gentlemanly one, with a keen sense of humour, +cheerful, a laughing philosopher, and a man with a +magnanimous turn of mind, who would never take +advantage of a little trouble in which I might find +myself entangled to say to me, "I told you so," but get +me out of it quickly.'</p> + +<p>Of course, all my fair friends, without exception, have +insisted on the ideal husband being indulgent, generous, +manly, sincere, loyal, and above middle height. Strange +to say that none of them ask him to be handsome, +much less insist on it. One of them even went so far +as to say:</p> + +<p>'A husband should not be handsome. First of all +he is never very beautiful, since he is a man. But he +might be worse; he might think he is beautiful, and +then Heaven help his wife!'</p> + +<p>'The ideal husband,' remarked a lady, 'is a man who +should never be ridiculous, never make a fool of himself, +and never for a moment believe that women took notice +of him. A woman's love may survive any defect in her +husband, but ridicule never.'</p> + +<p>The fact is that words or acts of a man ridiculous +enough to make his wife wish she were a mile deep +under the floor will lower him so much in her estimation +that she will never be able to look up to him again; +and no woman has ever been known to drop her love—she +sends it up always. I will conclude with the opinion +of an American lady:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span></p> + +<p>'The ideal husband should never part with any of +his most refined manners in his home, where he should +endeavour ever to appear at his best, in dress, language, +and behaviour, in the presence of his wife, who is his +queen.'</p> + +<p>I expected as much from her supreme and magnificent +majesty, Mrs. Jonathan, Queen of the United +States.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<h3>MARRYING ABOVE OR BELOW ONE'S STATION</h3> + + +<p>It is said in England that, of all men who occupy high +positions in professional life, judges are those who +oftenest marry below their station.</p> + +<p>Many are even said to have married impossible +women, and on these women many amusing stories are +related in the smoke-rooms of London clubs—stories +which, I have no doubt, are of the <i>se non è vero, è ben +trovato</i> type, and as faithful to truth as the stories that +are told on the feet of the Chicago women or the intellect +of the Boston girls.</p> + + +<h4>CHORUS-GIRL MARRIAGES</h4> + +<p>However, it must be admitted that fools are not the +only men who marry women that are greatly inferior to +them in manner, education, and social standing; the +cleverest men and the most aristocratic ones have often +been known to do the same.</p> + +<p>Dukes, marquises, and earls have married chorus-girls +and shop-girls; great literary men and artists +have married uneducated girls, and have led very happy +lives with them. Of course, I pass over the aristocracy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span> +who marry among the common people in order to get +their coats of arms out of pawn. If they are poor and +marry rich girls, you can hardly call this a case of +<i>mésalliance</i>, since the superiority of birth in the man is +compensated by the superiority of fortune in the +woman.</p> + +<p>Of course, <i>mésalliances</i> appeal to people, because +they always suggest marriages for love, and novelists of +all countries have worked this theme for all it is worth. +In real life they very seldom work well, for the simple +reason that matrimony places a man and a woman on +absolutely equal footing, and that happiness for them, +in the case of a <i>mésalliance</i>, is only possible on condition +that one goes up to the level of the superior, or the +other comes down to the level of the inferior.</p> + + +<h4>EDUCATING ONE'S WIFE</h4> + +<p>Marriages that have the greatest chances of success +are those in which the two partners bring the same +amount of capital in social position, in education, in +fortune, in character, and I will even add in stature and +in physical beauty, with perhaps a slight—a very slight—superiority +to the credit of the man in all these conditions, +except that of beauty, which is an attribute that +woman can possess in any degree without making the +happiness of her husband and herself run any risk.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Hodgson Burnett, in one of her novels, makes a +barrister fall in love with a girl who works in the coal-mines +of Lancaster (another case of the legal profession<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span> +going wrong). The man has the girl sent to school to +learn manners and get educated, then marries her, +and all is smooth ever after.</p> + +<p>I have heard of this being done in real life with less +success. The behaviour of the man in a case like this +should create gratitude in the heart of the woman, and +gratitude does not engender love. On the contrary, Cupid +is a little fellow so fond of his liberty and so wilful that +anything that tends to influence him—worse than that, +to force him—has on him the contrary effect to that +which should be expected.</p> + +<p>Yet, I say, it is the only way to bring an uneducated +woman to the level of an educated man—before matrimony. +After marriage the woman is acknowledged, +proclaimed the equal of her husband, and she will stand +no hint as to her being inferior to her husband in any +way.</p> + +<p>If she loves him and is not conceited, any act on his +part, however kindly performed, that would suggest to +her that she might improve herself in language, behaviour, +etc., would cause her unhappiness and even +pangs of anguish.</p> + +<p>If, on the other hand, she did not love him and was +conceited, or even only of an independent character, +she would soon give him a piece of her mind on the +subject of her improvements, and let him hear the great +typical phrase of democracy, 'I'm as good as you.'</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span></p> + +<p>DANGEROUS EXPERIMENTS</p> + +<p>No, no; he must put up with the situation, and make +the best of it. In that case men console themselves +with the thought that their wives are pretty, or that +they are good housekeepers, good cooks. After all, a +man gets married to please himself, not for what the +world has to say of his wife.</p> + +<p>Still, you have to succeed in the world, and if you +despise the opinion of the world the world turns its +back on you. And you must remember this: however +big you are, or you think you are, the earth can go on +running its course round the sun without your help.</p> + +<p>French and American women have a keen power of +observation and native adaptability. Better than any +other women in the world, they can soon adapt themselves +to new surroundings and new ways, and learn +how to talk, walk, dress, and behave like the leading +women of any new social circles they may have entered. +Witness the American women that are to be seen at the +courts of Europe.</p> + +<p>However, the experiment of a <i>mésalliance</i> is always a +dangerous one to make. Nine times out of ten the +rabbit will always taste of the cabbage it was brought +up on.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<h3>PREPARE FOR MATRIMONY, BUT DO NOT OVERTRAIN YOURSELVES</h3> + + +<p>I'll tell you what the trouble is with most women in +connection with matrimony—they expect too much out +of it. Not only do they expect too much, but, in their +goodness, they prepare themselves to do too much, to +give too much; in fact, they overtrain themselves.</p> + +<p>The moment a woman is in love and becomes a +fiancée she cultivates the growing of her wings, and +orders a halo for her head—in fact, she sets herself to +rehearse the part of an angel.</p> + +<p>But see the 'cussedness' of things! Man is a strange +animal, who prefers women to angels, and the result is +that things go wrong. The dear soul is persuaded that +she is going to marry a hero, a demi-god, and very soon +she discovers that, after all, she has married only a man. +How few of us can stand comfortably and long on the +pedestals that our admiring friends have erected +for us!</p> + +<p>When that woman engaged herself she did not go +straightway to her parents, as she should have done, and +ask them for information on man and matrimony. Her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> +father might have gently disabused her on the subject +of many illusions. Certainly her mother would. No, +she did not do that. She kept to herself, read poetry, +invented poetry, filled herself with poetry.</p> + +<p>Boys dream of military life. To them it means +gorgeous uniforms, a sword, a life of adventure, battle +and glory. Girls dream of married life. To them it +means beautiful dresses and jewels and a life of love-making. +But soldiers do not always fight, and husbands +do not always make love, and that is why military life +and married life are often so sadly disappointing.</p> + +<p>The dear little woman has prepared herself to be +loving and devoted every minute of her life. She has +stored provisions of all the best resolutions and virtues +under the sun and above. She arrives in her new home +ready to yield in everything, even ready to run the +house and dress on nothing a year. How she loves that +man! Her whole being is given up to love. By-and-by +she discovers that the most loving couples require +one or two meals a day, and that fig-leaves are much +more expensive than they were when they were first +worn. Her husband, who, like all men, is an idiot as +far as the knowledge of housekeeping is concerned, +begins to grumble when she asks for a reasonable sum +to allow her to keep things going decently. Remarks +pass, lectures are delivered, faces frown, and frowning +faces don't go well with halos.</p> + +<p>Why will young girls leave it to their imagination to +find out what married life is? Why do they not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span> +consult and listen to the advice of married lady friends, +choosing those who are happy, of course?</p> + +<p>They would hear the voice of common-sense.</p> + +<p>'If you want your husband to love you and be happy, +my dear,' some old stager will tell her, 'follow <i>Punch's</i> +advice—feed the brute. Never expect him to be loving +while he is hungry. The way to his heart is through +the portion of his anatomy that lies just under it.'</p> + +<p>Another will say to her: 'Don't start married life by +keeping your house on nothing a year, because your +husband will find it quite natural, and will get used +to it.'</p> + +<p>Let that girl frankly confess to her sweetheart that +she is not an angel, and the probability is that, if he is +a man, he will say to her: 'Never mind the angels, +dearie; be a woman: that's quite good enough for +me.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<h3>ACTRESSES SHOULD NOT MARRY</h3> + + +<p>'Are you married?' once asked an English magistrate +of an actress who had been summoned for assault. She +had flung a pot of cold cream in the face of her +manager.</p> + +<p>'No, sir,' replied the lively lady, 'nor do I wish +to be.'</p> + +<p>'That is fortunate for your husband,' remarked the +judge, who probably had Irish blood in his veins.</p> + +<p>The actress—I do not mean the mere woman on the +stage—is made by her profession unfit for matrimony. +If she is fit for it, she is not, and never will be, a great +actress.</p> + +<p>I know that you will at once tell me that Mr. and +Mrs. Kendal and Mr. and Mrs. Cyril Maude (Winifred +Emery) have been married a good many years and lived +most happy lives together. I even imagine that you +will easily be able to name others, but I will still maintain +that they are only exceptions, and you will please +remark that in the exceptions I have named the +husbands have, as actors, quite as high a reputation as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> +their wives, which may be the very explanation of those +exceptions.</p> + +<p>The actress is a heroine, partly owing to the rôles +that she plays, and partly to the talent which she +displays in them, and no heroine can be a good wife to +a man unless he be a hero himself. A woman can +never drop her love, and she never does; she gives it +only to a man she can look up to.</p> + +<p>But there are a great many other reasons. An +actress wants perfect freedom of action. She cannot be +bothered by household duties, hampered by the bringing +up of children, mindful of the attentions required, +or at least expected, by a husband.</p> + +<p>Her soul and her very nervous system have to be +stirred by the whole gamut of sentiments, sensations, +and even passions, or she will never be able to stir the +soul of her audience.</p> + +<p>Can you imagine Lady Macbeth, Camille, Fedora, +Phedre, La Tosca, Brunnehilde, played by young innocent +virgins or by attentive and devoted wives who mend +their husbands' stockings and make the puddings? +Perhaps you will tell me that Mrs. Kendal does all that, +and if you do, my reply will be, 'Will you please leave +me alone with Mrs. Kendal?'</p> + +<p>However, since we have mentioned the name of that +great actress, I will quote her, and repeat what she said +to me one day: 'It is a general rule with me never to +engage married couples in my company; whenever I +have done so I have had trouble. I want both men and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span> +women to act in my plays without having to mind what +their wives or husbands may look like in the wings while +they are making love on the stage.'</p> + +<p>The husband of an actress is nine times out of ten +an intolerable bore. He is jealous when she rehearses, +he is jealous when she plays, he is jealous when the +audience applauds her, he is jealous when she receives +bouquets, he is jealous and suspicious if the manager +increases her salary, he is jealous during the intervals, +he makes scenes to her when she returns home, and, if he +does not, he sulks, which is worse, because the man who +consumes his own smoke is far less bearable than the +one who 'has it out' and has done with it. Even if he +is not all that, he has that feeling, which we can quite +understand, that his wife belongs to the authors of the +play, to the manager of the theatre, to the public, to +the critics—in fact, to everybody except himself.</p> + +<p>No, actresses should certainly not marry unless they +marry actors, but as a rule they do not, and will +not.</p> + +<p>The actor may be a hero to the susceptible matinée +girl, who sees him as Othello, Hamlet, Romeo, Henry V., +d'Artagnan, or some other romantic swashbuckler, but +he is no hero to the woman who dwells in the dressing-room +next to his, and who knows that he is putting on +his wig, smearing his face with grease-paint, making-up +his eyes, and covering his face with violet-powder with +a puff, which he handles in ladylike manner. The actor +loses in the eyes of an actress all the prestige which is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span> +due to mystery and imagination, and which constitutes +the primary and fundamental element of the attraction +of one sex for the other. I have never met actresses +of standing who had admiration for actors as men, +much as they might praise them as members of their +profession.</p> + +<p>Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the marriage of +an actress is a mistake, a remorse, or an act of folly. An +actress, in order to interpret the works of dramatists, +should love, love passionately, dream, suffer even terribly, +in order to be able to incarnate love, voluptuousness, +suffering, and despair. The drama is the reflection of +humanity; the art of the actress should be the reflection +of all the different passions that have stirred her own +heart and soul.</p> + +<p>Another thing: The public takes a greater personal +interest in a woman who is not married than in one who +is. Actresses know this so well that, when they are +married, they insist on having their names put on the +bills as Miss So-and-So. When they do not, managers +make them do it.</p> + +<p>For art's sake, for her own sake, and, remembering +the remark of the magistrate, I will add, for her +husband's sake, an actress should not marry.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<h3>A MATRIMONIAL BOOM</h3> + + +<p>There is quite a boom in the French matrimonial +market just at present, and not marriages of convenience +either, but real good love matches. Young girls +elope with respectable young men holding good positions +in order to compel their parents to give their consent. +Sons now inform their fathers and mothers that +they have, without their help or even their meddling, +chosen wives for themselves. It is an open state of +rebellion against the old state of affairs in France.</p> + +<p>Hitherto there were practically only two kinds of +marriages among the upper classes and the good +bourgeoisie of France: the marriage of convenience +from which love was excluded, and the marriage for +love, which, nine times out of ten, was a <i>mésalliance</i>. +And, to do justice to the old system, let me say that, +as a rule, the marriages of convenience turned out to be +much happier than <i>mésalliances</i>, which generally consisted +in marrying mistresses—that is to say, according +to Balzac, in changing tolerably good wine into very +sour vinegar. However, in these marriages of convenience, +arranged by families, the social position of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> +the bridegroom and the dot of the bride were the first +considerations, and these couples, after being married, +often discovered they were made one for the other, and +more than one husband won his wife by courting, and +really fell in love with her. In cases of <i>mésalliance</i>, +after the hours of passion had gone, the husband discovered +that all his prospects in life were destroyed +through being married to a woman he would never be +able to make acceptable to the people of the set he +belonged to, and often despair followed disgust, for woe +to married people if either of them has the slightest +cause for being ashamed of the other!</p> + +<p>But things are being changed, and a splendid sign of +the times it is, too. Young Frenchmen now seek wives +among the families of their own stations in life, court +them, and make up their minds to marry them, and, +what is best of all, parents begin to realize that, after +all, it is their sons, and not themselves, who marry, and +that it is they who should make their choices.</p> + +<p>I believe that this new state of things, which I hope, +for my country, will last, and even yet improve, is +greatly due to the influence of the Anglo-Saxons, +English and Americans, whose freedom in matrimonial +matters is getting more and more familiar to the French +through reading and travelling.</p> + +<p>Like the Anglo-Saxons, they begin to see the practical +side of matrimony. The young Frenchman says +to himself: 'I do not send my father to my tailor to +choose the clothes I am to wear, and I do not see why<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span> +I should allow him to go and choose for me the girl I +am to marry.'</p> + +<p>There are other reasons which may also be due to the +ever-increasing influence of Anglo-Saxon manners and +customs on France. The French girl is every day +getting freer. She is no longer cloistered, as it were, +at home and at school. She now frequents the society +of young men, gets better acquainted with them, and on +more intimate terms than before. She is more independent, +feels more confidence in herself, knows more of life +than before, and the consequence is that she is better +able to provoke the love which she desires to inspire in +a man of her choice.</p> + +<p>There may also be an economical reason which +incites young Frenchmen to seek love in matrimony +instead of outside of it. They have been observing +their elders, and come to the right conclusion that real +love and respectable women are much more within their +means than sham love and disreputable women. A +charming companion, who is at the same time a sweet +mistress and counsellor, a careful housekeeper and a +devoted wife, appears to them in her true light—the +best article in the market. Besides, they realize that +the man who is married has a social advantage over the +one who is not. The man who marries a girl of his own +society can now explain that he married her simply +because he loved her, without thinking that he has to +apologize for his action by mentioning what a good +stroke of business he has made.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p> + +<p>Most men of the preceding generation avoided matrimony +as they would have avoided ridicule. The part +of husband and father struck them as unpleasant and too +<i>petit bourgeois</i>. Literature and the drama helped to fill +them with this notion; but now literature and the +drama are getting optimistic. We are getting over the +period of problem novels and plays, in which all the +morbid diseases of the heart were dissected. The +heroes of novels and plays begin to get married without +ceasing to be interesting, and the result is that the +present generation of France is getting more healthy +and more cheerful. This is most hopeful for France, +for the regeneration seems to take place in every class +of society. The friends of France will rejoice in this +evolution. I have always maintained, and still maintain, +that it is the educational system that explains the +prosperity of the Anglo-Saxon race, and that absolute +freedom for men to marry the women they love +explains its strength and its marvellous vitality.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + +<h3>LOVE WITH WHITE HAIR</h3> + + +<p>Don't smile. If there is a love absolutely beautiful, +almost holy, it is love with white hair. If conjugal +tenderness deserves at all the name of love, it is at that +time of life when it becomes idealized and purified. If +two hearts can, in this world, beat in perfect unison, it +is the two hearts of old married couples united by a +whole life of tender intimacy. Love, in getting old, +does not become repulsive—like an old beau, who, with +dyed hair and moustache perfumed, thinks he can pass +for a handsome young man. In those kisses, which are +no longer given on the lips, but, with sweet reverence, +are discreetly given on the hand or on the forehead, in +the effusions of an old married couple, I see the most +profound and most holy of human tenderness.</p> + +<p>They are no more lovers, but they are friends who +cannot for a single moment forget that they were lovers, +and who spend the winter of their lives in sweet remembrance +of the beautiful spring, the glorious summer, and +the restful, sober autumn they enjoyed together.</p> + +<p>This final sublime love may be rare, but it does exist; +it is the reward of concessions made and of faults<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> +forgiven; the reward of cheerfulness, the result of long +years spent together, sharing the same joys, the same +sorrows, and the same dreams. Tactful, refined, they +are at this very moment as thoughtful as they ever +were before. Each one is the first consideration in the +world to the other. The refinement of their courtesy +to each other is a constant avowal of the esteem they +feel; in their old intimacy they keep the same scruples, +the same delicacy as they did in the first days of their +married life. They do not call each other 'love,' +'darling,' not even, perhaps, by their Christian names, +but 'dear friend'—and they lay on 'dear' an emphasis +that shows how sincere the expression is.</p> + +<p>I tell you that there is no love in which you can find +as much poetry as in the love of those dear couples who +for forty or fifty years have walked side by side loving, +respecting, helping each other, dreaming, praying, +suffering together, and whose actions, words, and +thoughts have each added an item to that treasure +which they can now count piece by piece. This long +community of hearts, this habit of sharing everything, +has even established between them a physical likeness +which would almost cause you to take them for brother +and sister rather than for man and wife.</p> + +<p>And how children do love these dear old couples! how +they feel attracted toward them! There is a wonderful +affinity between very old people and very young +children. Both are alike in many ways: the former +have lost their strength, the latter have not yet got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span> +theirs. The world goes in a circle, and at the end of +his career the old man meets the child. They have +sympathy for each other, they understand each other, +and the past and the future are the best of friends. +Old people play with children with their hearts and +souls in absolute earnest, without any of those signs +of condescension which children are so quick to detect +and to resent; and I am not prepared to say that the +young children enjoy the play more keenly than do +the old ones.</p> + +<p>Oh, if people would early prepare to become old, +what pleasures would be kept in store for them!</p> + +<p>In the peaceful winter of a well-spent life, love with +white hair is an evening prayer that soars to the abode +of the seraphs.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1>PART III</h1> + +<h2>RAMBLES EVERYWHERE<br /><br /></h2> + + +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<h3>LITTLE MAXIMS FOR EVERYDAY USE</h3> + + +<p>It would do most of us a great deal of good to always +keep in mind, or to be now and then reminded of it, +lest we should forget it, that, when we are gone, the +earth will not stop, but will continue her course around +the sun. No one is indispensable in this world.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>In order to be successful, the cruet-stand should be +used with a great deal of discretion: a little salt always, +never any pepper, vinegar very sparingly, and oil always +in plenty.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Never in your dealings with a man let him suppose +that you take him for a fool. If he is not one, he will +appreciate your consideration; and if he is one, he will +go about singing your praises. Either way, you will<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span> +probably win; at any rate, you can't lose, and that's +something.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When you have seen a man enjoying himself telling +you a story, never tell him that you have heard that +story before, and, above all, never tell him that you +know a much better version of it, and proceed with it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Remember that the acknowledged best conversationalists +are those who have the reputation of being good +listeners. You will be called brilliant according to the +way in which you will give others a chance to shine.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>People who tell you all the good things that are said +of you teach you nothing new. Listen to criticism, +especially that which is fair and kind; then you may +learn something and profit by it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>When there is something nasty said about you in a +newspaper, you never run the slightest risk of not seeing +it. There is always a friend, even at the Antipodes, +who will post it to you, well marked in blue pencil at +the four corners. He takes an interest in you, and +feels that the paragraph may not do you any harm in +the way of antidote. It doesn't.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span></p> + +<p>When you hear that a man has taken such and such +a resolution, take it for granted, when you feel ready to +criticise him, that you are not the only person in the +world who knows what he is about.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The most valuable gift of nature to man is not +talent, not even genius, but temperament and character. +If you have both talent and character, the world will +belong to you, if you succeed in making talent the +servant, and not the master, of your character.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The successful man is not the one who seeks opportunities, +but the one who knows how to seize them by +the forelock when they present themselves. The great +diplomatist is not the one who creates events, but the one +who foresees them and knows best how to profit by them.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>A man may be very clever without being very successful. +This happens when he has more talent than +character; but when a man is very successful, never be +jealous of him, for you may take it for absolutely granted +that he possesses qualities which account for his success.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Envy is the worst of evils, the one that pays least, +because it never excites pity in the breast of anyone, +and because it causes you to waste lots of time concerning<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span> +yourself about other people's business instead of +spending it all minding your own.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>Watch your children most carefully, for when they +are ten or twelve years of age you may detect in them +signs of defects, or even vices, which, if developed, +instead of checked at once, may prove to be their +ruin.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>The key to success in life is the knowledge of value +of all things.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>It often requires a head more solidly screwed on the +shoulders to bear a great success than to stand a great +misfortune.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 35px;"> +<img src="images/i_acorn.png" width="35" height="45" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + + +<p>The knowledge of the most insignificant thing is +worth having.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h3>DO THE BEST WITH THE HAND YOU HAVE</h3> + + +<p>It would be absurd to say that there is no such thing +as luck. Of course, there is luck, and fortunate is the +man who knows how to seize it at once by the forelock.</p> + +<p>For instance, it is luck to be born handsome, strong, +and healthy; it is luck to be born rich, or of generous +parents who spend a little fortune in giving you a first-class +education.</p> + +<p>What is absurd, however, is to say that you are +always unlucky. You cannot always be unlucky any +more than you can always be lucky. When a man +says to you, 'I am pursued by bad luck,' or, 'This is +my usual bad luck,' you know that he is lazy, quarrelsome, +unreliable, foolish, or a drunkard.</p> + +<p>You may be unlucky at piquet a whole evening—even, +though seldom, a whole week; but if you go on playing +a whole year every day, you will find that, out of +365 games, you have won about 180 and lost about +180. I take it for granted, of course, that you are as +good a player as your opponent.</p> + +<p>There is no more constant luck or constant bad luck<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> +in life than there is at cards, but there is such a thing +as good playing with either a good or bad hand, and in +life such a thing as making the best of fortunate and +unfortunate occurrences. A man is bound to have his +chance, and his 'luck' consists in knowing how to avail +himself of it.</p> + +<p>Practically every officer has had a chance to distinguish +himself one way or the other, and therefore +to be noticed by his chiefs and obtain promotion. +Every artist has seen something which may reveal his +talent, his genius, if he has any. Every good actor is +bound to come across a part which may make his +fortune.</p> + +<p>The same may be said of literary men and journalists. +Every man in business, if he keeps a sharp look-out, has +a chance for a good investment that will be the nucleus +of his fortune if he knows how to watch and nurse it +carefully. What most men call bad luck is not that +chance does not present itself to them, but simply that +they let it go by and miss it.</p> + +<p>If you want to be lucky in life, force luck and +make it yourself. Believe in yourself, and others will +believe in you.</p> + +<p>Rise early, be punctual, reliable, honest, economical, +industrious, and persevering, and, take my word for it, +you will be lucky—more lucky than you have any +idea of.</p> + +<p>Never admit that you have failed, that you have been +beaten; if you are down, get up again and fight on.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> +Frequent good company, be sober, constantly take +advice, and refrain from giving any until you have been +asked for it. Be cheerful, amiable, and obliging. Do +not show anxiety to be paid for any good turn you may +have the chance of doing to others. When you have +discovered who your real friends are, be true to them, +stick to them through thick and thin.</p> + +<p>Do not waste time regretting what is lost, but +prepare yourself for the next deal. Forget injuries at +once; never air your grievances; keep your own secrets +as well as other people's; get determined to succeed, +and let no one, no consideration whatever, divert you +from the road that leads to the goal; let the dogs bark +and pass on. According to the way you behave in life, +you will be your greatest friend or your bitterest enemy. +There is no more 'luck' than that in the world.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h3>BEWARE OF THE FINISHING TOUCH</h3> + + +<p>'Leave well enough alone,' as the English say, is a +piece of advice which may be followed with benefit in +many circumstances of life.</p> + +<p>How many excellent pictures have been spoiled by +the finishing touch! How often have I heard art +critics, after examining a beautiful portrait, exclaim, +'H'm, léché!' Well, I cannot translate that French +art expression better than by 'Too much retouched—too +well finished!' This is a fault commonly found in +women's portraits.</p> + +<p>How many fortunes have been lost because people, +instead of being satisfied with reasonable profits, waited +for stocks to go still higher, and got caught in a financial +crash!</p> + +<p>Even in literature I see sad results, when authors +follow too closely that principle laid down by Boileau +for the elaboration of style: 'Polish and repolish it +incessantly.'</p> + +<p>Alas! how many stilted lines are due to the too +strict obedience to this advice! What is too well +finished often becomes far-fetched and unnatural.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span></p> + +<p>How many sauces have been spoiled by cooks trying +to improve what was already very good!</p> + +<p>How many wings have been singed for not knowing +how to keep at a respectful distance from the fire or the +light!</p> + +<p>No doubt there is such a thing as perfection; but +who is perfect and what is perfect in this world, except +that ineffable lady who, some weeks ago, took me +severely to task for having written an article in which +I advised my readers to be good, but not to overdo +it?</p> + +<p>The firmaments are perfect, some flowers are perfect, +but these are not the work of man. Nature herself +seems to have divided her gifts so as to have no absolute +perfection in her creatures. The nightingale has song, +but no plumage; the peacock has plumage, but his +voice makes you stop your ears.</p> + +<p>And the women! Well, yes, the women—let us speak +of them.</p> + +<p>Which of us, my dear fellow-men, has not admired a +woman of ours whose toilet was finished? We thought +she looked beautiful then, we admired her, and we put +on our gloves proudly, saying:</p> + +<p>'She is coming.' Yet she did not come. True, +her hat was on and fixed when we saw her, and we +thought that she was ready. Not a bit of it. She +was not.</p> + +<p>After she has finished dressing, and is absolutely +ready to go out, she will begin to fret and potter about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> +in her room for another hour. She goes from looking-glass +to looking-glass. That is the time when she +thinks of the finishing touches.</p> + +<p>She pulls her hat a little more to the right, then a +little more to the left, in order to ascertain how that +hat can be improved. She touches and retouches her +hair.</p> + +<p>Her complexion is beautiful, a natural rosy pink, for +which she ought to return thanks, all day long, to the +most generous and kind Nature who gave it to her. +But, at the last moment, she thinks that this, too, +might be improved.</p> + +<p>So she rubs her cheeks and puts more powder on +them. The rubbing makes her cheeks so red that she +has to subdue the colour. She works and works, and +now takes it into her head that, being warm, her nose +must be shining.</p> + +<p>She takes the puff and puts powder on it. An hour +before she was a woman who, in your eyes at all events, +could not very well be improved.</p> + +<p>Now she is ready, and emerges from her apartment. +Her hair is undone behind and ruffed in front, her hat +is too straight, and her face looks made-up. The +rubbing has changed her lovely pink complexion into a +sort of theatrical purple red.</p> + +<p>You feel for her, because, being very proud of her +complexion, you do not want your friends—you +do not want anybody—to say: 'Oh, she is made-up.' +And you own that she looks it, and altogether she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> +does not look half so well as she did when she had +finished dressing, and had not begun the finishing +touches.</p> + +<p>Beware, ladies! Many a most beautiful woman has +been spoiled by the finishing touches.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h3>THE SELFISHNESS OF SORROW</h3> + + +<p>Real sorrow is no more expressed by the correctness of +a mourning attire and the despair written on a face than +true religious fervour is expressed by the grimaces that +are made at prayer-time.</p> + +<p>Just as we are told in the Gospel to look cheerful and +not to frown and make faces when we pray, just so, I +believe, those who have gone before us would advise us +not to advertise the sorrow we feel at their loss, but +keep it in restraint, and not surround ourselves, and +especially not compel those who are living with us to be +surrounded, with gloom.</p> + +<p>The outward signs of sorrow are often exaggerated and +not uncommonly nothing but acts of selfishness. The +memory of the departed is better respected by control +over the most sincere sorrow, and children, young ones +especially, who cannot at their age realize the loss they +have sustained, have a right to expect to be brought up +in that cheerfulness which is the very keynote of the +education of children.</p> + +<p>The real heroine is the woman who leaves her grief +in her private apartments and appears smiling and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span> +cheerful before her children. The best way to serve the +dead is to live for the living. There is no courage in +the display of sorrow; there is heroism in the control +of it.</p> + +<p>Great hearts understand this so well that many of +them, like the late Henry Ward Beecher, desire in their +wills that none of their relatives should wear mourning +at their death. There is a great difference between +being in mourning and being in black, and I often +suspect that the more in black a person is the less in +mourning he or she is.</p> + +<p>To be able to attend minutely to all the details of +a most correct mourning attire almost shows signs of +recovery from the depth of the sorrow.</p> + +<p>But even when our sorrow is deeply felt and perfectly +sincere is it not an act of selfishness on our part to +impose it, to intrude it, on others—even on our nearest +relatives?</p> + +<p>I admire the Quaker who, quietly, without attracting +the attention of anyone at table, silently says grace +before taking his meal.</p> + +<p>How favourably he compares with the host who +invites every one of his guests to bend their heads, and +to listen to him while he delivers a long recital of all +the favours he has received from a merciful God, and +of all the favours he expects to receive in the future!</p> + +<p>The first is a Christian, the second a conceited +Pharisee. There is as much selfishness in an exaggerated +display of sorrow as there is in any act that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span> +is indulged in in order to more or less command admiration.</p> + +<p>The truly brave and courageous people are modest in +their countenance; the truly religious are tolerant and +forgiving; the truly great are forbearing, simple, and +unaffected; the truly sorrowful remember that their +griefs are personal; before strangers they are natural +and even cheerful, and before their children they are +careful to appear with cheerful and smiling faces.</p> + +<p>After all, the greatest virtue, the greatest act of unselfishness, +is self-control. Sorrow gives man the best +opportunity for the display of this virtue.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h3>THE RIGHT OF CHANGING ONE'S MIND</h3> + + +<p>A woman's prerogative, it is said, is the right of changing +her mind. How is it that she so rarely avails herself +of it when she is wrong?</p> + +<p>It should be the prerogative of a man also. +'What is a mugwump?' once asked an American of a +Democrat. 'It's a Republican who becomes a Democrat,' +was the answer. 'But when a Democrat becomes a +Republican, what do you call him?' 'Oh, a d—— fool!' +quickly rejoined the Democrat.</p> + +<p>We forgive people for changing their opinions only +when they do so to espouse our views, otherwise they +are, in our eyes, fools, scoundrels, renegades, and +traitors.</p> + +<p>To my mind the most dignified, praiseworthy, manly +act of a man is to change his opinions the moment he +has become persuaded that they are wrong. To acknowledge +to be in the wrong is an act of magnanimity. To +persist in holding views that one knows to be wrong is +an act of cowardice. To try to impose them on others +is an act of indelicacy. The successful man is the +opportunist who does what he thinks to be right at the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span> +moment, whatever views he may have held on the +subject before.</p> + +<p>When, in full Parliament, Victor Hugo and Lamartine +declared that they ceased to be Royalists, and immediately +went to take their seats on the Opposition benches, their +honesty and manliness deserved the applause they +received.</p> + +<p>Gladstone, who died the greatest leader of the Liberal +party, began his political life as a Tory Member of +Parliament. Disraeli, Earl of Beaconsfield, who for +years was the chief of the Tory party, began his public +career as Radical member for Maidstone.</p> + +<p>Mr. Joseph Chamberlain, to-day practically the +leader of the Conservative party, not only was an +advanced Radical, but a Republican. Up to about +eighteen years ago, the comic papers never failed to +represent him with a Phrygian cap on.</p> + +<p>Every man can be mistaken in politics as well as in +science, just as he can for a long time be mistaken in +his friends.</p> + +<p>The more you study, the more independence of mind +you acquire. Events take a new aspect, and strike you +in a different light. With age, judgment becomes +more sober: you weigh more carefully the <i>pros</i> and <i>cons +</i>of all questions, and you often arrive at the conclusion +that what you honestly believed to be right is absolutely +wrong. And it is your duty to abide by your conclusions.</p> + +<p>The greatest crimes in history were committed by<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> +irreconcilable men who lacked moral courage and dared +not admit that they were not infallible. Philip II. of +Spain was one.</p> + +<p>That irreconcilable Imperialist, M. Paul de Cassagnac, +wrote the other day: 'When a statesman, a leader of +men, perceives that he has made a mistake, he has only +one thing left for him to do: disappear altogether from +the scene, for, having deceived himself, he has been +guilty of deceiving others.'</p> + +<p>The aim of man—of the leader of men especially—is +to seek truth at any price.</p> + +<p>Some men proudly say at the top of their voices: 'I +swear by the faith of my ancestors, what I thought +at twenty I think now. I have never changed my +opinions, and, with God's help, will never change them.'</p> + +<p>Those men believe themselves to be heroes; they are +asses, and if they are leaders of men, they are most +dangerous asses.</p> + +<p>To live and learn should be the object of every intelligent +man whose eyes are not blinded by conceit or +obstinacy.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h3>WHAT WE OWE TO CHANCE</h3> + + +<p>Pascal once said that if Cleopatra's nose had been half +an inch shorter the face of the world would have been +changed. If we read history, or even only use our own +recollections, we can get up an interesting and sometimes +amusing record of more or less important events +which are entirely due to chance or most insignificant +incidents.</p> + +<p>To begin with my noble self. On August 30, 1872, +I went to the St. Lazare station in Paris to catch a +train to Versailles. At the foot of the stairs I met a +friend whom I had not seen for a long time. He took +me to the café, and there, over a cup of coffee, we +chatted for half an hour. I missed my train; but fortunately +for me I did, for that train which I was to +have caught was a total wreck, and thirty lives were +lost in the accident.</p> + +<p>A lady whom I knew many years ago once eloped +with a young man she had fallen in love with. Now, +this was very wicked, because she was married. It was +on a cold December day. When both arrived at the +hotel where they were going to stay, they found no fire<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> +in their apartment, and ordered one to be made at once. +While this was going on they both caught a cold, and +were seized with an endless fit of sneezing. They +thought that they looked so ridiculous—well, the lady +did, at any rate—that she ordered her trunk to be +taken to the station immediately. She caught the next +train to Paris, and never did I hear that she was guilty +of any escapade ever after. But for that fire that was +not lit, all would have been lost.</p> + +<p>At the inquest which a few days ago was held over +the body of Mrs. Gore, the American lady who was +shot accidentally while in the room of her Russian +friend, it was discovered that the bullet had struck the +eye without even grazing the eyelid. The experts came +to the conclusion that if she had been murdered, or had +committed suicide, she would have blinked, and her +eyelids would have been touched by the bullet. But +for this marvellous occurrence, the young Russian would +have been tried for murder, and perhaps found guilty.</p> + +<p>An Australian of my acquaintance some years ago +wrote to his broker ordering him to sell 500 shares in +the Broken Hill Mining Company. The servant to +whom the letter was given mislaid it, and only screwed +up his courage to tell his master two days later. In the +meantime the shares had gone up, and, so seeing, the +Australian waited a little longer before selling. Then +came the boom. Two months after the day on which +he had ordered his broker to sell the 500 shares at 40s. +apiece these shares were worth £96. He sold, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> +through the carelessness of his servant became a rich +man. This is luck, if you like.</p> + +<p>The late Edmond About, the famous French novelist, +came out first of the Normale Supérieure School. As +such he was entitled to be sent to the French school at +Athens for two years before being appointed professor +in some French Faculty. About had a humorous turn +of mind. Instead of studying ancient Greece at Athens, +he studied the modern Greeks. After his two years he +returned with the manuscripts of two books, 'Contemporary +Greece' and 'The Mountain King,' which +were such successes that he immediately resigned his +professorship to devote his time to literature. If, +instead of coming out first, he had come out second, he +would never have been sent to Athens, and About +would probably have spent his life as a learned Professor +of Greek or Latin at one of our Universities.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h3>WE NEEDN'T GET OLD</h3> + + +<p>'When my next birthday comes,' once said to me +Oliver Wendell Holmes, 'I shall be eighty years young.' +And he looked it—young, cheerful, with a kind, merry +twinkle in his eyes.</p> + +<p>'And,' I said to him, 'to what in particular do you +attribute your youth? To good health and careful +living, I suppose?'</p> + +<p>'Well, yes,' he replied, 'to a certain extent, but +chiefly to a cheerful disposition and invariable contentment, +in every period of my life, with what I was. I +have never felt the pangs of ambition.'</p> + +<p>'You needn't,' I remarked. 'The most ambitious +man would have been content with being what you +have been—what you are.'</p> + +<p>'Happiness, which has contentment for its invariable +cause, is within the reach of practically everyone,' the +amiable doctor asserted. 'It is restlessness, ambition, +discontent, and disquietude that make us grow old prematurely +by carving wrinkles on our faces. Wrinkles +do not appear on faces that have constantly smiled.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> +Smiling is the best possible massage. Contentment is +the Fountain of Youth.'</p> + +<p>That same evening he was the guest at a banquet +given by a Boston club, to which I had been kindly +invited. When he rose to make a speech, they cheered +and applauded to the echo. His face was radiant, +beautiful. After he sat down, I said to him:</p> + +<p>'Are you not tired of cheers and applause, after all +these years of triumphs?'</p> + +<p>'No,' he replied; 'they never cheer loud enough, they +never applaud long enough to please me.'</p> + +<p>Oliver Wendell Holmes was right; he had found the +key to happiness.</p> + +<p>The philosophers of all ages have deservedly condemned +that universal discontent and disquietude which +runs through every rank of society and degree of life as +one of the bitterest reproaches of human nature, as +well as the highest affront to the Divine Author +of it.</p> + +<p>If we look through the whole creation, and remark +the progressive scale of beings as they rise into perfection, +we shall perceive, to our own shame, that every one +seems satisfied with that share of life that has been +allotted to it, man alone excepted. He is pleased with +nothing, perpetually repining at the decrees of Providence, +and refusing to enjoy what he has, from a +ridiculous and never-ceasing desire for what he has not.</p> + +<p>He is ambitious, restless, and unhappy, and instead +of dying young at eighty, dies old at forty. He misses<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> +happiness which is close at hand all his lifetime. The +object which is at a distance from him is always the +most inviting, and that possession the most valuable +which he cannot acquire. With the ideas of affluence +and grandeur he is apt to associate those of joy, +pleasure, and happiness.</p> + +<p>Because riches and power may conduce to happiness, +he hastily concludes that they must do so. Alas! +pomp, splendour, and magnificence, which attend the +great, are visible to every eye, while the sorrows which +they feel escape our observation. Hence it arises that +almost every condition and circumstance of life is considered +preferable to our own, that we so often court +ruin and do our very best to be unhappy.</p> + +<p>We complain when we ought to be thankful; we +weep when we ought to rejoice; we fidget and fret. +Instead of smiling, which keeps the cheeks stretched +and smooth, we frown, which keeps them contracted +and engraves wrinkles on them.</p> + +<p>Instead of looking at the rosy side of things, which +makes the eyes clear and bright, we run after the +impossible or the unlikely to happen, which makes us +look gloomy. In short, I may say that old age is of +our own make, for youth is placed at our disposal for +ever and ever.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h3>THE SECRET OF OLD AGE</h3> + + +<p>The organs of man are like the works of a clock. If +they are not used, they rust; and when, after a period +of rest, it is attempted to set them in motion again, the +chances are that the human machine will work badly, or +not at all.</p> + +<p>Therefore, wind up your clock always and regularly, +and it will keep going. This does not apply only to +your bodily clock, but to your mental one as well.</p> + +<p>Persons who work regularly, and, above all, in +moderation, especially those who maintain the activity +of their physical and mental faculties, live longer than +those who abandon active life at the approach of +old age.</p> + +<p>Do not stop taking bodily exercise. Go on having +your walk and your ride; go on working steadily; go +on even having your little smoke, if you have always +been used to it, without ever abusing it—in fact, if your +constitution is good, forget that you are advancing in +age; go on living exactly as you have always lived, only +doing everything in more and more moderation. Busy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span> +people live much longer than idle ones. Sovereigns +who lead a very active life live long.</p> + +<p>See the Pope! Moltke, Bismarck, Disraeli, Carlyle, +Victor Hugo, Gladstone, Ruskin, Littré, Darwin, De +Lesseps, Renan, Pasteur—all great workers—died nearly +eighty or over eighty years of age.</p> + +<p>It is not work, but overwork, that may kill; it is not +smoking, but inveterate smoking, that hurts; it is not +a little drinking that does any harm, but too much +indulgence in drink which kills.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who died only a short +time ago, was writing brilliant articles for the New +York <i>American</i> only a few days before her death; +maybe, she was writing one an hour before it.</p> + +<p>Her death at the age of eighty-seven may furnish a +moral lesson to those who desire a long life. She +died in complete possession of her mental and physical +faculties.</p> + +<p>At eighty-five, Gladstone was felling trees in his +garden and writing articles on Homer and theology +as a rest from his political labours. At eighty-two, +De Lesseps was riding three hours every day in the +Bois de Boulogne. At ninety-eight, Sidney Cooper was +exhibiting pictures at the Royal Academy.</p> + +<p>Yes, so long as the human machine is kept well oiled +and regularly wound up, it goes; and not only do active +bodies and minds who go on working live long, but they +live happily and die peacefully, and they also make +happy all those who live with them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was a lovely sight to see De Lesseps ride and drive +with a troop of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. +The youngest and most boisterous member of the party +was the old gentleman, and all that band of joyous +youngsters adored him.</p> + +<p>The man of healthy body and active mind, who +abandons work at fifty, even at sixty, prepares himself +for a life of mere vegetation.</p> + +<p>Let him stop remunerative work, if he does not find +it congenial, and has enough or more than he wants to +live upon, but let him immediately trace out for himself +a programme of life that will enable him to keep his +body and mind active, or let him look out for dyspepsia, +gout, rheumatism, paralysis, stiffness of the joints, and +the gradual loss of his mental faculties.</p> + +<p>'I am sorry to be getting an old man,' once remarked +Ferdinand de Lesseps, 'but what consoles me is the +thought that there is no other way of living a long +time.'</p> + +<p>It is activity, it is work, that keeps you young, +healthy, cheerful, and happy; it is work—thrice +blessed work—that makes you feel that you are not a +useless piece of furniture in this world, and makes you +die with a smile on your face. Work, work again, work +always!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h3>ADVICE ON LETTER-POSTING</h3> + + +<p>1. When you go out with the intention of posting a +letter, be sure you do not put it in your pocket, or the +odds are ten to one that you will return home with it.</p> + +<p>2. Always address the envelope before you write a +letter.</p> + +<p>3. If you write love-letters to two different women, +be careful to enclose the first one in its properly +addressed envelope before you begin writing the second +one, or Maria may receive the letter intended for Eliza, +and <i>vice versâ</i>.</p> + +<p>4. Do not apologize in your postscript for having +forgotten to stamp your letter. It might get you +found out.</p> + +<p>5. If you have written an important letter, or one +containing money, put it in the letter-box yourself. If +anything wrong happens to it, you will have no one to +accuse or suspect.</p> + +<p>6. When you send currency by post, do not let anyone +know it by having the letter registered. Money +stolen through the post has always been abstracted +from registered letters. I have never heard of one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span> +letter of mine not being delivered in Europe and in +America. People never take their chance. They never +open a letter unless they know there is money in it. +How can they know if you are careful in concealing +paper money under cover? Never label your letters, +'There is money in it.'</p> + +<p>7. If you post a letter, which you do not want anybody +to read except the person to whom it is addressed, +do not forget to write your name and address on the back +of the envelope, so that, if not delivered, or mislaid, it +may be returned to you unopened.</p> + +<p>8. If you want an important letter to be delivered in +New York at a determined time, take my advice: Post +that letter, in the city, twenty-four hours before the +said determined time.</p> + +<p>9. Never, or very seldom, in some exceptional cases, +answer a letter by return post, even if the request be +made. Always take twenty-four hours for consideration. +Besides, it will give you the appearance of being a very +busy man, which is always a splendid advertisement.</p> + +<p>10. When you enclose a bill or a cheque in a letter, +pin it to the letter, that it may not drop when the +envelope is opened, and before posting it feel the letter-box +inside to see that it is not choked.</p> + +<p>11. If you write a letter of a private nature—words +of love that you would be sorry for everyone to read +except the lady you are addressing, put a blank sheet +of notepaper around the letter. Most envelopes are +transparent, and may disclose your secrets.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span></p> + +<p>12. Always read twice the address you have written +on your envelopes. Apply the same process to your +letters; your time will not be wasted.</p> + +<p>13. When you write to a friend, do not inquire about +his health and that of his family after your signature. +It would look like an afterthought.</p> + +<p>14. Ladies, whose minds are full of afterthoughts, +generally write the most important part of their letters +in the postscript. I once received a letter, in a woman's +handwriting, the signature of which was unknown to +me. At the end of sixteen pages of pretty prattle +there was a postscript: 'You will see by my new signature +that I am married.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h3>ON PARASITES</h3> + + +<p>Steer clear once for all of useless people and parasites +of all sorts—bores, who make you waste your time; +indelicate people, who borrow money when they do not +know whether they will be able to return it; swindlers, +who know perfectly well they will never pay you back +a penny. Elbow your way out of all those frauds—poseurs, +spongers, leeches, fleas, and bugs—who try to +fasten themselves to you.</p> + +<p>Be generous, and help a friend in need; devote a +reasonable portion of your income to the hospitals, +charitable institutions, and the sufferers from public +calamities; after that, attend to yourself and to all +those who live around you and depend on you for their +comfort and happiness.</p> + +<p>Bang your door in the face of people who, in your +hour of success, come to treat you with a few patronizing +sneers in order to take down your pride. Kick down +your stairs, even if you live on the tenth floor, the man +with an alcoholic breath who calls to tell you that, as +you are a fortunate man, it is your duty, and should be +your pleasure, to help those who have no luck.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span></p> + +<p>Life is too short to allow you to play the part of a +friend to the whole human race. Concern yourself +about interesting and deserving people; cultivate the +friendship of pleasant men and women, who brighten +up your life, and that of useful ones, who may occasionally +give you the lift you deserve. Attend to your +business; carefully watch over the interests of those +who have a right to expect you to keep them in comfort, +and dismiss the rest, even from your thoughts.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h3>ADVICE-GIVING</h3> + + +<p>Advice is a piece of luxury thoroughly enjoyed by the +one who gives it. If you want to be popular with your +friends, do them all the good turns you can. Lend them +your money if you have a surplus to spare, and which +you can comfortably make up your mind to the loss of, +but give them advice when they ask you for it.</p> + +<p>People who are lavish of advice are seldom guilty of +any other act of generosity. If, however, you cannot +resist the temptation of advice-giving, be sure, at least, +that you give it in time. People who keep on saying +to their friends, 'I told you so,' are the most aggravating +bores in the world.</p> + +<p>If a little boy wants to venture on a dangerous piece +of ice, give him a warning and advise him not to go, +but if he disregards your advice and falls into a hole, +rescue him and wait until he is quite well again before +you say to him, 'I told you so.'</p> + +<p>Of all your best friends, your wife is the last person +to whom you should say, 'I told you so.' These four +words have killed happiness in matrimonial life more +than any number of blasphemous words put together.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span></p> + +<p>A wife forgives a few hot words uttered in moments +of bad temper or passion, but there is something cold, +sneering, provoking, blighting, assertive, presumptive in +'I told you so,' which gives you an unbearable air of +superiority and self-satisfaction.</p> + +<p>When you are already upset, dissatisfied with yourself, +ready to take your revenge out of anyone who +takes advantage of your awkward and unenviable +position, 'I told you so' is the drop that causes the cup +to overflow.</p> + +<p>The amateur advice-giver is a nuisance, a fidget, a +kill-joy, and an unmitigated bore. Men avoid him, +women despise him, and children mind him until he is +out of sight. To the latter he sets up as a model, and +always begins his admonitions with the inevitable +'When I was a boy.' Then they know what is coming, +and giggle—when they do not wink.</p> + +<p>Advice given by old folks to children sows as much +valuable seed as do sermons on congregations, with this +difference to the advantage of congregations, that they +can close their eyes during a sermon in order to take it +in better, whereas children cannot do the same for fear +of being called rude and of being punished for it.</p> + +<p>Among other advice-givers whom I have in my mind's +eye, I remember the one who calls on me the day after I +have given a lecture in order to make suggestions which +'I might use with advantage the next time I give this +lecture.' Also the one who calls to advise me to introduce +a 'reminiscence of his,' which I might use on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span> +platform to illustrate a point, and which 'reminiscence +of his' I have heard for twenty years and know to be +part of a classic on the subject.</p> + +<p>The chairman who, before I go on the platform, +advises me how to use my voice in order to be well heard +by all the members of the audience, a piece of advice +which I thoroughly appreciate, as I have lectured only +3,000 times—well, over 2,500 times, to be perfectly +exact.</p> + +<p>I even remember one who criticised my pronunciation +of a French word in my lecture, and suggested his as an +improvement.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<h3>ON HOLIDAYS</h3> + + +<p>Holidays are an institution established to keep you +reminded every year that one is really happy and comfortable +at home only. Oh! the board and lodging, +advertised comfortable and moderate, which you leave +with pleasure because the board was the bed! Oh! the +little house with creepers from which you 'flee' because +you discover that the creepers are inside! And the +sofas and chairs stuffed with the pebbles from the beach, +and the bad cooking, and the smiles of the head waiter, +of the waiters, of the chambermaid, of the hall porter, +of the baggage porter, all of whom have to be tipped! +And the extras on the bill! How you rub your hands +with delight when at last you are in the train on the +way to that dear home of yours, where you are going +to sleep in your lovely bed, sit on your comfortable +chairs, stretch on your soft sofa, eat the appetizing, +simple, and healthy meals of your good cook, where, on +a rainy day, you will go and take down a favourite +book from the shelves of your library; where you are +going to be all the time surrounded by your own dear +belongings, able to look at your pictures, at your china;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> +where you are going to put again in their usual places +the photographs of all your friends; in fact, where you +are going to live once more, after an interval necessary +to your health, perhaps, through the rest from work +and the change of air it has afforded you, but for all +that an interval, nothing but an interval in life.</p> + +<p>The only enjoyable holidays that I know are either +those spent in a house of your own which you may +possess in the country or by the sea, or those spent in +travelling, making the acquaintance of new, interesting +and picturesque countries; but these holidays are only +within the reach of the privileged few.</p> + +<p>Very often loving couples, fearing they should get too +much accustomed to each other, part for a few days, +just for the sake, epicures that they are, of experiencing +the ineffable joy of meeting again and of proving to +themselves that each one is absolutely indispensable to +the other—a fact which, although they may be well +aware of it, is always pleasant to be reminded of. The +holidays are to the home what the parting for a few +days is to the loving couples—a reminder of the priceless +treasure which you possess, and which you do not +always sufficiently appreciate.</p> + +<p>Think of your children, too, especially of those +young boys who are boarders at school or college and +can only know the joys of home life during their +holidays. How they would prefer going to their own +homes, playing with their own things, looking after +their animals, to being trotted out and taken to a hotel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span> +where children are not tolerated to do this or allowed +to do that! When parents live in a house of their own, +and in the country, it is absolutely wicked of them not +to let their children enjoy their holidays at home. +They should remember that if their children at school +long for holidays, it is not because they are tired of +their work, it is because they are homesick.</p> + +<p>And young people just married always think that +the best way of beginning the matrimonial journey +is to have a holiday and travel, although, maybe, the +thoughtful bridegroom has prepared a delightful nest +for his bride.</p> + +<p>'Where should I spend my honeymoon?' I have often +been asked by young men not rich enough to go and +spend it in the expensive resorts. I have invariably +answered, 'Go home and spend it there, you idiot.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<h3>EXTRACTS FROM THE DICTIONARY OF A CYNIC</h3> + +<h3>(<i>After Jules Noriac</i>)</h3> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Alabaster</span>—Kind of beautiful white marble, so much +used in novels for ladies' necks and shoulders that very +little is left for ordinary consumption. Very rare now +in the trade, still very common in poetry.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Alibi</span>—An aunt for wives; the club for husbands.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Ardour</span>—Heat, extreme and dangerous. Those who +gamble with ardour ruin their families; those who work +with ardour ruin their health; those who study with +ardour go to a lunatic asylum; those who love with +ardour get cured more quickly than others.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Argus</span>—Domestic spy. Juno gave him a cow to +look after. With his hundred eyes he did not find out +that the cow was no other than a woman, Io.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Attraction</span>—Force which tends to draw bodies to +each other. Isaac Newton thought he had discovered +the principle of universal attraction when he watched +an apple fall. Eve had discovered it five thousand +years earlier.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Austerity</span>—Self-control which enables a man or a +woman to receive a call from Cupid without inviting him +to stay to dinner.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Boudoir</span>—From the French <i>bouder</i> (to sulk). Coquettish +little room where women retire when they have +a love-letter to write or any other reason for wishing +to be left alone.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Candour</span>—A virtue practised by women who do not +understand what they know perfectly well.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Collection</span>—Hobby. Men collect flies, beetles, +butterflies. Women collect faded flowers, hair, letters, +and photographs.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Duenna</span>—Old woman who watches over the good +conduct of young Spanish girls and of married women. +In the second case, her wages are higher.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Egotism</span>—Piece of ground on which Love builds his +cottage.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Love</span>—A disease which mankind escapes with still +more difficulty than the measles. It generally attacks +men at twenty and women at eighteen. Then it is not +dangerous. At thirty you are properly inoculated; it +is, as it were, part of your system. At forty it is a +habit. After sixty the disease is incurable.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">To Love</span>—Active verb—very active—the most active +of all.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mystery</span>—The principal food of love. This is +probably why elevated souls have raised love to the +level of religion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Nest</span>—Sweet abode made for two. He brings soft<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span> +moss, she a few bits of grass and straw; then both give +the finishing touch by bringing flowers.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Passion</span>—Violent affection that always finishes on a +cross.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Platonic (love)</span>—A kind of love invented by Plato, +a philosopher who sat down at table only to sleep. +Advice: If ever Platonic love knocks at your door, kick +him down your stairs unmercifully, for he is a prince of +humbugs.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Resolution</span>—A pill that you take every night before +going to bed, and which seldom produces any effect.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Respect</span>—A dish of which women are particularly +fond in public, and which they seldom appreciate in +private. How many women would be happier if their +husbands respected them less and loved them more!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Servitude</span>—Most bitter and humiliating state when +it is forced upon us by poverty; most sweet when it is +imposed on a man by the woman whom he loves.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tact</span>—The quality that, perhaps, of all, women +admire most in men. The next is discretion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Veil</span>—Piece of lace which women put over their faces +to excite the curiosity of the passers-by. Women get +married with a white veil, but they always flirt with a +black one.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<h3>VARIOUS CRITICISMS ON CREATION</h3> + + +<p>I shall never forget the dry way and pitiful manner in +which Robert Louis Stevenson passed a funeral oration +on Matthew Arnold. It was on a Sunday evening, in +the early spring of 1888, at a reception given at the +house of Edmund Clarence Stedman, whose poetry and +scholarly attainments excite as much admiration as +his warm heart excites love in those who, like myself, +can boast of his friendship. Someone entered and +created consternation by announcing that a cablegram +had just reached New York with the news that Matthew +Arnold was dead. 'Poor Matthew!' said Stevenson, +lifting his eyes with an air of deep compassion; 'heaven +won't please him!'</p> + +<p>And it is true that on many occasions that great +English writer had hinted that if the work of the +Creation had been given to him to undertake, it would +have proved more successful than it has been. For +that matter, many philosophers of a more or less +cynical turn of mind have criticised the work of Creation.</p> + +<p>Voltaire said that if he had been Jehovah 'he would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span> +not have chosen the Jews.' My late friend, Colonel +Robert G. Ingersoll, a Voltairian to the core, said that +if he had been consulted 'he would have made health, +not disease, catching.' Ninon de Lenclos, the veriest +woman that ever lived, said that, had she been invited +to give an opinion, 'she would have suggested that +women's wrinkles be placed under their feet.'</p> + +<p>'Everything is for the best in the best of worlds!' +exclaims Dr. Pangloss in Voltaire's famous novel, +'Candide,' but few people are as satisfied with the +world as that amiable philosopher. There are people +who are even dissatisfied with our anatomy, and who +declare that man's leg would be much safer and would +run much less risk of being broken if the calf had been +placed in front of it instead of behind. Some go as +far as to say that man is the worst handicapped animal +of creation—that he should have been made as strong as +the horse, able to run like the stag, to fly like the lark, +to swim and dive like the fish, to have a keen sense of +smell like the dog, and one of sight like the eagle. Not +only that, but that man is the most stupid of all, the +most cruel, the most inconsistent, the most ungrateful, +the most rapacious, the only animal who does not know +when he has had enough to eat and to drink, the only +one who kills the fellow-members of his species, the +only one who is not always a good husband and a good +father.</p> + +<p>'Man, the masterpiece of creation, the king of the +universe!' they exclaim. 'Nonsense!' There is hardly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> +an animal that he dares look straight in the face and +fight. No; he hides behind a rock, and, with an +engine of destruction, he kills at a distance animals +who have no other means of defence than those given +them by nature, the coward!</p> + +<p>There is not the slightest doubt that the genius of +man has to reveal itself in the discovery of all that may +remedy the disadvantages under which he finds himself +placed. Boats, railways, automobiles, balloons, steam, +electricity, and what not, have been invented, and are +used to cover his deficiencies. Poor man! he has to +resort to artificial means in every phase of life. Even +clothes he has to wear, as his body has not been provided +with either fur or feathers.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<h3>THE HUMOURS OF THE INCOME-TAX</h3> + +<h3>(A WARNING)</h3> + + +<p>I have often heard Americans say that the future may +keep in store for them the paying of income-tax, and, +as a warning to them, I should like to let them know +how this tax is levied in England.</p> + +<p>In theory the income-tax is the most just of taxes, +since it compels, or seems to compel, the people to contribute +to the maintenance of their country in proportion +to the income they possess. In reality this tax, +levied as it is in England, is little less than the revival +of the Inquisition.</p> + +<p>And, first of all, let me point out a great injustice, +which I trust no Government will ever inflict on the +American people or any other, and which is this: The income +derived from property inherited, or any other which +the idlest man may enjoy without having to work for +it, is taxed exactly the same as the income which is +derived from work in business, profession, or any other +calling.</p> + +<p>I maintain that if I have a private income of, say, +£2,000, and my work brings me in another £2,000, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span> +first income ought to be taxed much more heavily than +the second.</p> + +<p>I maintain that if a man enjoys a private income, +and does no work for the community in return for the +privilege of the wealth he possesses, he ought to pay a +larger percentage than the man who has to work for +every shilling which he amasses during the year.</p> + +<p>But this is discussing, and in this article I only wish +to show how the free-born Briton is treated in the +matter of income-tax.</p> + +<p>A fact not altogether free from humour is that the +salary of the English tax-collector is a percentage of +what he can extract from the tax-payer.</p> + +<p>He asks you to send him the amount of your income, +and warns you that you will have to pay a penalty of +£50 if you send him a false return. I have it on the +authority of Mr. W. S. Gilbert that every Englishman +sends a false return and cheats his Government; but +now a good many men, I am sure, cannot cheat the +Government—those, for example, in receipt of a salary +from an official post, and many others whose incomes it +is easy to find out.</p> + +<p>Of course, some cannot be found out; so that those +who cannot conceal their real and whole income have +got to pay for those who can.</p> + +<p>A merchant sends his return, and values it at +£10,000. The collector says to him, if he chooses to +do so: 'Your return cannot be right. I will charge +you on £20,000. Of course, you can appeal.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span></p> + +<p>The merchant is obliged to lose a whole day to +attend the Court of Appeal, taking all his books with +him, in order to prove that the return he sent is +exact.</p> + +<p>Very often he pays double what he owes, so as not to +have to let everybody know that his business is not as +flourishing as people think. But the most amusing side +of the whole thing is yet to be told.</p> + +<p>If you sell meat in one shop and groceries in another, +and you make £5,000 in the first shop and lose £3,000 +in the second, you must not suppose that you will be +charged on £2,000, the difference between your profit +in the first business and the loss in the second. Not a +bit of it. The two businesses being distinct, you will +have to pay on the £5,000 profit made in the first, and +bear your loss in the other as best you can.</p> + +<p>As an illustration, I will give you a somewhat piquant +reminiscence. Many years ago I undertook to give +lectures in England under my own management. My +manager proved to be an incompetent idiot, and I lost +money.</p> + +<p>When I declared my yearly income, I said to the +income-tax collector: 'My books brought me an income +of so much, but I lost so much on my lecture +tour; my income is the difference—that is, so much.'</p> + +<p>'No,' he said; 'your books and your lectures are two +perfectly different things, and I must charge you on the +whole income you derived from the sale of your books.'</p> + +<p>Then I was struck with a luminous idea, which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> +proved to me that I was better fitted to deal with the +English tax-collector than to manage a lecture tour.</p> + +<p>'The two things are not at all distinct,' I replied; +'they are one and the same thing. I gave lectures for +the sole purpose of keeping my name before the public +and pushing the sale of my books.'</p> + +<p>'Ah!' he exclaimed, 'you are right. In that case +you are entitled to deduct your loss from the profit.'</p> + +<p>And this is how I got out of the difficulty—a little +incident which has made me proud of my business +abilities ever since.</p> + +<p>I was in America last season to give lectures. Instead +of lecturing, I had to be in bed and in convalescence +for a month, then undergo an operation and stay in the +hospital for six weeks.</p> + +<p>You may imagine the fine income I derived from my +last American tour. On my return to Europe, I passed +through London, and stopped there a week before +coming to Paris.</p> + +<p>I found awaiting me a bill for about £54, a percentage +on 'my profit of £1,000 realized in America.' +Now, this was adding insult to injury. I have the greatest +respect for H.M. Edward VII., but I regret that his +officials should have resorted to such means to defray +the expenses of his Coronation.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<h3>HOW TO BE ENTERTAINING</h3> + + +<p>To know how to entertain people is a talent; but there +is one better, and which makes you still more popular +with your friends and acquaintances—it is that talent +which consists in drawing them out and allowing them +to entertain you.</p> + +<p>I know very clever people, not exactly conceited or +assertive, but who have the objectionable knack of +gently sitting upon you. Their opinions are given with +an <i>ex cathedra</i> air that seems to exclude any appeal +against them.</p> + +<p>Sometimes they tell anecdotes very well, and they +give you strings of them, each one bridged over to the +other by a 'That reminds me.' They laugh at their +anecdotes heartily, and invite you to do so with such a +suggestion as 'That's a good one, isn't it?'</p> + +<p>You do laugh, and you hope for your reward, that +you will be able to tell a little anecdote yourself. +Sometimes they will cut you short and go on with +another; sometimes they will give you a chance, show +little signs of impatience while you give it, and never +laugh when you have finished.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span></p> + +<p>Worse than that, they will occasionally say: 'Oh +yes,' on the tune of 'I have heard that one before,' or, +maybe, 'Why, I am the inventor of it myself.' I have +known such clever people and good anecdote tellers to +prove terrific bores.</p> + +<p>Whether you are discussing a question or merely +spending a little time telling stories over a cup of coffee +and a couple of cigarettes, you like to be allowed to +prove alive, and the really entertaining people are +those who know how to make you enjoy yourself as well +as their company.</p> + +<p>You are grateful to those friends who give you a +chance of shining yourself, and there are some who +know not only how to draw you out, but who +know how to do it to the extent of making you +brilliant.</p> + +<p>Those who make you feel like an idiot are no better +than those who take you for one. Although they do not +do it on purpose, the result is exactly the same as if +they did. You find that kind of man in every walk of +life.</p> + +<p>There is the savant who pours forth science by the +gallon and talks you deaf, dumb, and lame. There is +the other kind also. I once spent an hour talking on +philology with the greatest professor of the College of +France in Paris.</p> + +<p>I know a little philology, but my knowledge of that +science compared to his is about in the proportion of +the length of my little finger to that of his whole<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span> +body, and he is over six feet. He put me so much at +my ease; he so many times asked me 'if I didn't +think that it was so,' that for the time being I really felt I +was something of a philologist myself. It was only after +I had left him that I realized that I had learned a great +deal from the famous master.</p> + +<p>The nice people of the world are those who make you +feel satisfied with yourself. All the talkers, advice-givers, +assertive critics put together are not worth for +your good a considerate friend who gives you a little +praise, or a good, loving woman who, two or three times +a day, gives you a teaspoonful of admiration.</p> + +<p>After all, the greatest reward for our humblest efforts +is appreciation, the greatest incentive is encouragement. +What makes us powerless to achieve anything are the +sneers of all the wet-blankets and kill-joys of this +world.</p> + +<p>You do not make a child get on at school by calling +him a little idiot and telling him he will never do anything +in his life; you do not impart bravery into the +heart of a timid soldier by treating him as if he were +a coward.</p> + +<p>If a horse is afraid of anything lying on the road, +don't whip him, don't use the spurs; pat him gently on +the neck and lead him near the object to make him +acquainted with it. Like that you will cure him of his +shyness.</p> + +<p>Help men with encouragement, praise, and admiration.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + +<h3>WHAT IS GENIUS?</h3> + + +<p>Genius is a form of madness. Early in the Christian +era, St. Augustine declared that there was no genius +without a touch of insanity. The human being who +is born without a grain of folly will never be a great +poet, a great novelist, a great painter or sculptor, a +great musician, or a great anything.</p> + +<p>Unless you are erratic, irritable, full of fads, you need +not aspire to attain sublime heights. Homer, Shakespeare, +Raphael, Shelley, Wagner were lunatics. That +is why, to my mind, nothing is more absurd, preposterous, +than to go and poke one's nose into the +private life of geniuses. Let us admire the work that +their genius has left to us, without inquiring whether +they regularly came home to tea, and were attentive +fathers and faithful husbands. Do we not love Burns +and Shelley?</p> + +<p>Certainly, if I had lived in their times and had a +marriageable daughter, I would have been careful to +see that she did not fall in love with either of them; +but what has that to do with their poetry and the +enjoyment of it?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span></p> + +<p>To this very day, in the autumn of my life, I enjoy +the fables of dear old La Fontaine, and can't help +smiling when I am reminded that he was married, but +that he was separated from his wife. She lived in Lyons +and he in Paris. One day they persuaded him to go to +Lyons and 'make it up' with her.</p> + +<p>He started. In those days the journey took five days +and five nights. On the eleventh day after his departure +he was back in Paris. 'Well,' they said to +him, 'is it all right?'</p> + +<p>'I could not see her,' replied he, 'when I called at +her house. They told me that she had gone to Mass.' +So he came back.</p> + +<p>I once criticised the acting of a well-known actress +before good folks, who said to me: 'Ah, but she is a +woman who leads an irreproachable life!' What do I +care about that? I am very glad to hear it, for the +sake of her husband and children; but I would rather +go and hear Miss So-and-so, who stirs my soul to its +very depth by her genius, although I am told, by +jealous people, no doubt, that she is not quite as good +as she should be.</p> + +<p>I hear that Sarah Bernhardt travels with either a +lion, a bear, or a snake. Very well, that is her business. +She goes to a hotel with her menagerie, and does not +ask you to invite her to stay with you. Is that a +reason for not going to see her play Phedre, Tosca, +Fedora, or any other of her marvellous creations?</p> + +<p>Wagner could not compose his operas unless he had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span> +on a red plush robe and a helmet. What do I care if +this enabled him to write 'Lohengrin,' 'Tannhäuser,' +and the Trilogy?</p> + +<p>One day Alexandre Dumas, a lunatic of the purest +water, called on Wagner. The latter kept him waiting +half an hour. Then he appeared dressed as Wotan. +'Excuse me, Master,' he said to Dumas, 'I am composing +a scene between the god and Brunnehilde.'</p> + +<p>'Don't mention it, please,' replied Dumas, who, before +leaving, invited him to come and see him in Paris. A +few months later Wagner called on Dumas. The latter +kept him waiting a little, and then appeared with +nothing on but a Roman helmet and a shield.</p> + +<p>'Excuse me, Maestro,' he said, 'I am writing a Roman +novel.' The two great geniuses or lunatics were quits.</p> + +<p>I knew a great poet who could no more write good +poetry than he could fly unless he had blue paper. +Victor Hugo would have been a failure if he had not +been able always to be provided with very thick pens.</p> + +<p>Balzac could write only on condition he was dressed +as a monk, had the shutters of the room closed, and the +lamps lighted. Alfred de Musset would compose his +immortal poetry only when under the influence of drink. +All lunatics, every one.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + +<h3>NEW AND PIQUANT CRITICISM</h3> + + +<p>The Paris <i>Matin</i> has started a new kind of dramatic +criticism. The day after a play has been produced it +publishes a criticism of it by the author himself, or by +the manager of the theatre. This is as piquant as it is +novel, and if the French had the sense of humour as +keenly developed as the Americans, the result would be +highly diverting.</p> + +<p>Just imagine a play by Mark Twain reviewed and +criticised the following morning in a paper by Mr. +Samuel L. Clemens!</p> + +<p>Gentlemen of the American press, take the hint, if +you like.</p> + +<p>This new kind of criticism is only a few days old, but +the readers of the <i>Matin</i> have taken to it kindly +already. Two well-known men have inaugurated it. +They are Pierre Wolff, the dramatist, and Antoine, +the actor and proprietor-manager of the Antoine +Theatre. Both give a very flattering account of their +plays: how beautifully they were acted, how well they +were received, and, after giving a short synopsis of +them, wind up with heartfelt thanks to the actors and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span> +actresses who appeared in them. Everybody is satisfied, +author, actors, managers, editor, who has attracted the +notice of the public, and the readers, who are amused +at the new idea, and do not care a jot what critics say +of the plays which they review.</p> + +<p>Why should not books be reviewed in the same way? +Why should they not be reviewed and criticised by the +author or the publisher? I should prefer—by the +author.</p> + +<p>I have never read a notice of any of my books, however +favourable, which I did not think I could have +done better myself, if I had had to write it.</p> + +<p>Just imagine, if only for fun, a new novel (pronounced +'novell,' please) by Hall Caine reviewed by Mr. Hall +Caine; or one by Marie Corelli criticised by that +talented lady herself! I say, just think of it!</p> + +<p>We might have the good-fortune to read something +in the following style: 'A new novel by myself +is one of those literary events which keep the world +breathless, in awful silence, for a long time before it +comes to pass. The first edition of 100,000 copies was +exhausted a week before the book appeared, but a +second edition of the same number will be ready in a +day or two. The story is wonderful, colossal, like +everything that comes from the pen of that author, +whose genius is as Shakespearian as his brow, which +even reminds one of that of—but perhaps it would be +profane to name.'</p> + +<p>Or something interesting like this: 'His Majesty<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span> +the King and most members of the Royal Family +ordered copies of this book long before it was ready for +publication, and no doubt to-day, and for many days +following, there will be no other topic of conversation +than my book at Windsor Castle. I should like to call +the attention of the reading public—and who is it that +does not read me?—to the fact that this is the longest +book I have yet published. The public will also, I am +sure, forgive me for calling it my best. A mother's +last baby is always, in her eyes, her best.'</p> + +<p>At all events, I salute the new criticism. It should +greatly add to the gaiety of nations.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + +<h3>ORIGINALITY IN LITERATURE</h3> + + +<p>There is very little originality in this world. Even +among the greatest thoughts expressed by famous +philosophers, there are very few that had not been +heard before in some form or other. It is the pithy +way in which they are expressed by such men as +La Rochefoucauld, La Bruyère, and Balzac that made +the reputation of these great writers. The characteristics +of man and woman have always existed, just +as has their anatomy, and the dissector of the human +heart cannot invent anything new any more than the +dissector of the human body. We all know these +characteristics, but what we like is to see a philosopher +present them to us in a new shape.</p> + +<p>Pascal says that the greatest compliment that can be +paid to a book, even to a thought, is the exclamation, +'I could have written that!' and 'I could have said +that!' In fact, the author whom we admire most is +the one who writes a book that we 'could' have written +ourselves. And we say 'bravo' when a philosopher +gives us a thought of our own, only better expressed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span> +than we could have done it, or when he confirms an +opinion that we already held ourselves.</p> + +<p>No; there is nothing original, not even the stories +that we hear and tell in our clubs. They have been +told before. I forget who said that there were only +thirty-five anecdotes in the world, seventeen of which +were unfit for ladies' ears.</p> + +<p>Even the characters of fiction are not original. The +novelist is, as a rule, none but a portrait painter, possessed +of more or less originality and talent. Charles +Dickens said that there was not a single personage of +his novels whom he had not drawn from life. Thackeray +and Balzac, two observers of mankind of marvellous +ability, said the same. Racine borrowed of Sophocles +and Euripides, Molière of Plautus and Terence. Alexandre +Dumas chose his heroes from history, and regifted +them with life with his unequalled imagination. +George Eliot's personality remained a mystery for a +long time, but everybody knew that the author of +'Scenes of Clerical Life' was a native of Nuneaton, +or had lived long enough in that town to introduce +local characters who were recognised at once. The +<i>Dame aux Camélias</i>, the Camille of the American +stage, by Dumas, junr., was inspired, if not suggested, +by <i>Manon Lescaut</i>. And is not the <i>Adam Bede</i> of +George Eliot a variation of Goethe's <i>Faust</i>? Is not +<i>Tess</i> of Thomas Hardy another? And that marvellous +hero Tartarin of Alphonse Daudet: do you +not recognise in him Don Quixote? More than that,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> +he is a double embodiment, Don Quixote and Sancho +Panza in one: the Don Quixote who dreams of adventures +with lions in the desert, of ascensions on Mont +Blanc, of guns, swords, and alpinstocks, and the Sancho +Panza who thinks of wool socks, flannel vests, and a +medicine-chest for the marvellous journeys that are +going to be undertaken—a tremendous creation, this +double personage, but not altogether original.</p> + +<p>Every character has been described in fiction, every +characteristic of mankind has been told; but we like to +see those characters described again with new surroundings; +we love to hear the philosophy of life told over +again in new, pleasant, pithy, witty sentences.</p> + +<p>This lack of originality in literature is so obvious, it +is so well acknowledged a fact that authors, novelists, +or philosophers have used mankind for their work, and +availed themselves of all that mankind has written or +said before, that the law does not allow the literary +man to own the work of his brain for ever and ever, as +he owns land or any other valuable possession. After +allowing him to derive a benefit for forty or fifty years, +his literary productions become common property—that +is to say, return to mankind to whom he owed so much +of them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XX</h2> + +<h3>PLAGIARISM</h3> + + +<p>La Bruyère said: 'Women often love liberty only to +abuse it.' Two hundred years later Balzac wrote: +'There are women who crave for liberty in order to +make bad use of it.' The thoughts are not great, they +are not even true, but that is not the question. Could +such a genius as Balzac be accused of plagiarism because +he expressed a thought practically in the very words +of La Bruyère? I would as soon charge Balzac with +plagiarism as I would accuse a Vanderbilt or a Carnegie +of trying to cheat a street-car conductor out of a +penny fare. The heroines of <i>Tess</i> and <i>Adam Bede</i> +practically go through the same ordeals as Gretchen. +Would you seriously accuse Thomas Hardy and George +Eliot of plagiarism, and say that they owed their plots +to Goethe's '<i>Faust</i>'?</p> + +<p>There are people engaged in literary pursuits, or, +rather, in the literary trade, and, as a rule, not very +successful at that, who spend their leisure time in trying +to catch successful men in the act of committing +plagiarism. The moment they can discover in their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> +works a sentence that they can compare to a sentence +written by some other author, they put the two sentences +side by side and send them to the papers. There are +papers always ready to publish that sort of thing. Of +course, respectable papers throw those communications +into the waste-paper baskets. Then, when the papers +have published the would-be plagiarism, the perpetrator +marks it in blue pencil at the four corners and +sends it to the author—anonymously, of course. For +that matter, whenever there appears anything nasty +about a successful man in the papers—an adverse +criticism or a scurrilous paragraph—he never runs the +slightest risk of not seeing it; there are scores of +failures, of crabbed, jealous, penurious nobodies who +mail it to him. It does him no harm; but it does +them good.</p> + +<p>As far as I can recollect I have, during my twenty-one +years of literary life, committed plagiarism four +times: twice quite unintentionally, once through the +inadvertence of a compositor, and once absolutely out +of mere wickedness, just to draw out the plagiarism +hunter. And I will tell you how it happened. Once, +many years ago, I was reading a book on the French, +written by an American. A phrase struck me as expressing +a sentiment so true, so well observed, that +I memorized it, and, unfortunately, when, several years +later, I wrote a series of articles on France for a London +paper, I incorporated the phrase. I was not long in +being discovered. The author of the book, which had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> +never sold, wrote to all the papers that I had 'stolen +his book,' and thought the correspondence would start +a sale for his book. Of course I was guilty, and I +apologized, explaining how it had happened. For years +the phrase had been in my mind—had, as it were, become +part and parcel of myself. May this be a warning to +authors who may take too great a fancy to a thought +of theirs well expressed by some other author. It is +a very dangerous practice. Another time I incorporated +in a newspaper article a quotation from Emerson, but +the compositor omitted the inverted commas, and +Emerson's sentence read as if it was mine. Of course, +no one would accuse me of choosing Emerson to +plagiarize in America, but this article brought me +half a dozen anonymous letters. In one of them +there was this choice bit: 'The second half of the +article is by Emerson; the first half I don't know, +but probably not by the author.' Twenty centuries of +Christianity have caused Christians to love one another. +But when I really had a good time was when, deliberately, +as I said before, out of sheer wickedness, I introduced +into my text nine lines of Shakespeare.</p> + +<p>I have kept the newspapers that commented on it +and the anonymous letters that were mailed to me. +One of them had humour in it. 'My dear sir,' said +the writer, 'when you speak of an incident as being +a personal reminiscence, it is a mistake to borrow it +of an author so widely known for the last three centuries +as the late William Shakespeare.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> + +<p>A celebrated literary friend of mine once amused +himself in incorporating twenty lines of Dickens as his +own in the midst of an essay he published in his own +paper.</p> + +<p>When he feels dull, he takes from his shelves a scrapbook +which contains the letters and newspaper cuttings +referring to the subject.</p> + +<p>When a literary man has a reputation of long standing, +never for a moment accuse him of plagiarism. He +may express a thought already expressed by someone +else; he may work out a plot which is not original; +but success that lasts rests on some personal merit. I +have never heard successful men charge any of their +brethren of the pen with plagiarism. Successful men +are charitable to their craft, as beautiful women are to +their sex.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + +<h3>AUTOBIOGRAPHIES AND REMINISCENCES</h3> + + +<p>The best writers of memoirs have been the French, and +it is through those memoirs that we know so well and +so intimately the reigns of Louis XIV., Louis XV., +and Napoleon I., as well as the history of the Revolution, +the Restoration, and the Second Empire.</p> + +<p>Courtiers, diplomatists, statesmen, and women of the +Court, by their memoirs and letters, have made us +acquainted not only with the public life of Sovereigns, +but with all the details of their private life, with all the +Court gossip.</p> + +<p>The French, however, care little or nothing for +memoirs that do not make clear to them some chapter +of history.</p> + +<p>The English, on the contrary, have practically no +memoirs of that sort. The only interesting ones that +I know are those of Greville. On the other hand, +almost every man of note, literary man, journalist, +artist, actor, publishes his autobiography or his +reminiscences.</p> + +<p>While the French only care for the work that a man<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span> +before the public has produced, the English like to +know how he lived, how he worked, whom he met, +whom he knew, and his appreciation of the character of +his more or less famous friends and acquaintances.</p> + +<p>Why, even the music-hall star publishes his reminiscences +in England. The fact is that, if a man keeps +his diary regularly, and knows how to tell an anecdote +well, he can always write a readable book of reminiscences.</p> + +<p>Among the best books of this sort that I know I +would mention those of the late Edmund Yates and +George Augustus Sala; but the best of all is the one +which I do hope will make its appearance one day +(although I am not aware that it is being prepared), +and will be signed by the wittiest raconteur and causeur +of England, Mr. Henry Labouchere.</p> + +<p>Try to get Mr. Labouchere in one corner of the +smoke-room in the House of Commons, give him a cup +of coffee and some good cigarettes, and just turn him +on; there is no better treat, no more intellectual feast +of mirth and humour and wit in store for you. His +style is the very one suited for a crisp, gossipy, brilliant +book of reminiscences.</p> + +<p>Among possible writers of interesting and piquant +memoirs or reminiscences I ought to mention Lady +Dorothy Nevil and Lady Jeune. Both ladies have +known in intimacy every celebrity you wish to name—Kings, +Queens, statesmen, generals, prelates, judges, +politicians, literary men, artists, lawyers, actors; there<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> +is not a man or woman of fame who has not supplied +an impression or an incident to them.</p> + +<p>And they are the very women to write memoirs, +both possessed of keen judgment and insight in human +nature, and of great literary ability, both delightful +conversationalists, always capable of drawing you out +and enabling you to do your best, and thus supplying +them with materials for notes and observations.</p> + +<p>I am not announcing any book, for neither of these +two ladies ever mentioned to me that she was preparing +a book of memoirs, but I wish they would, and I have +simply named them as being both capable of writing +books of unsurpassed interest.</p> + +<p>In order to write a good and trustworthy book of +reminiscences, you must, above all, be an observer and +a listener, besides a good story-teller. You must be +modest enough to know how to efface yourself, remain +hidden behind the scenes, and put all your personages +on the stage without hardly appearing yourself.</p> + +<p>You must be satisfied with sharing the honours of +the book with all your <i>dramatis personæ</i>, and not cause +the printing of the volume to be stopped for want of a +sufficient supply of 'I's' and 'me's.'</p> + +<p>I knew a famous actor whose reminiscences were +published some years ago by a literary man. Once I +congratulated that actor on the success of the book.</p> + +<p>'Yes,' he said, 'the book has done me good, because +X., you know, mentions my name once or twice in that +book.'<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p> + +<p>And many books of reminiscences that I know are +full of the sayings and doings of the author, with an +occasional mention of people of whom we should like to +hear a great deal.</p> + +<p>I have met these men in private, and sometimes found +them clever, and invariably fatiguing bores, and their +books are not more entertaining than their conversation. +Many of them reminded me of the first visit that +Diderot paid to Voltaire, on which occasion he talked +the great French wit deaf and dumb.</p> + +<p>'What do you think of Diderot?' asked a friend of +Voltaire a few days after that visit.</p> + +<p>'Well,' replied Voltaire, 'Diderot is a clever fellow, +but he has no talent for dialogue.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + +<h3>THOUGHTS ON HATS</h3> + + +<p>The manly man wears his hat slightly inclined on the +right, naturally, without exaggeration, and without +swagger. The braggart wears his right on his ear. +Jolly fellows, destitute of manners, and drunkards, wear +theirs on the back of the head; when far gone, the brim +of the hat touches the neck.</p> + +<p>Hypocrites wear theirs over the eyes. Fops wear +their hats inclined on the left. Why? The reason is +simple. Of course, they know that the hat, if inclined, +should be on the right; but, unfortunately for them, +they look at themselves in the glass, where the hat +inclined on the left looks as if it were inclined on the +right. So they wear it on the left, and think they have +done the correct thing.</p> + +<p>The very proper man and the prig invariably wear +their hats perfectly straight. The scientific man and +all men of brains put their heads well inside their hats; +the more scientific the mind is, the deeper the head goes +inside the hat.</p> + +<p>Fools put on their hats with the help of both hands, +and simply lay them on the top of their heads. I suppose<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span> +they feel that hats are meant to cover the brain, +and they are satisfied, in their modesty and consciousness +of their value, with covering the small quantity +of brains given to them by Nature.</p> + +<p>The absent-minded man is recognised by his hat +brushed against the nap, the tidy man by his irreproachably +smooth hat, and the needy man by a greasy +hat.</p> + +<p>A shabby coat is not necessarily a sign that a man is +hard up. Many men get so fond of a coat that they +cannot make up their minds to part with it and discard +it; but shoes down at heel and a shabby, greasy hat +prove that their wearer is drowning: he is helpless and +hopeless.</p> + +<p>Only the well-off man, who serves nobody, wears a +white top-hat; this hat is the emblem of independence +and of success in life.</p> + +<p>Man's station in life is shown from the way he takes +off his hat. Kings and emperors just lift it off their +heads. A gentleman takes off his hat to whoever +salutes him. Once a beggar in Dublin saluted the +great Irish patriot, Daniel O'Connell. The latter returned +the salute by taking off his hat to the beggar.</p> + +<p>'How can you take off your hat to a beggar?' remarked +a friend who was with him. 'Because,' he +replied, 'I don't want that beggar to say that he is +more of a gentleman than I am.' Parvenus keep their +hats on always, unless before some aristocrat, to whom +they cringe.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span></p> + +<p>The Englishman takes off his hat with a stiff jerk +and puts it on again immediately. The Frenchman +takes it off gently, and, before a lady, remains uncovered +until she says to him: 'Couvrez-vous, monsieur, +je vous prie.'</p> + +<p>The Italian takes it off with ceremony, and with his +hand puts it nearly to the ground. Timid men keep +rolling their hats in their hands. Very religious ones +pray inside them, making a wry face, as if the emanations +were of an unpleasant character.</p> + +<p>Soldiers and horsemen fix their hats by pressing on +the top of the crown.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Men who belong to decent clubs and frequent 'at +homes' never need be in want of a good hat.</p> + +<p>In Paris, in London, and in New York during the +season no gentleman can wear anything but a silk hat +after lunch-time.</p> + +<p>When you pay calls, you must enter the drawing-room +with your hat in your hand and keep it all the +time, unless you are on very intimate terms with your +host and hostess, when you may leave it in the hall.</p> + +<p>A well-put-on hat is the proof of a well-balanced +mind.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + +<h3>THOUGHTS ON EYE-GLASSES</h3> + + +<p>The man who wears spectacles—I mean eye-glasses with +branches fixed behind the ears—is a serious man, a man +of science, a man of business—at all events, a man who +thinks of his comfort before he thinks of his appearance. +There is no nonsense, no frivolity about him, especially +if they are framed in gold. He is a steady man, somewhat +prosaic, and even matter-of-fact. If he is a young +man and wears them, you may conclude that he means +to succeed, and always look on the serious side of life. +He is no fop, no lady-killer, but a man whose affections +can be relied on, and who expects a woman to love him +for the qualities of his mind and the truthfulness of his +heart.</p> + +<p>Next to a solid gold watch and chain, a pair of gold +spectacles are the best testimony of respectability; then +comes a sound umbrella.</p> + +<p>The man who wears his eye-glasses halfway down his +nose is a shrewd man of business, who ever bears in mind +that time is money. Thus placed, his eye-glasses enable +him to read a letter of introduction, and, above them, +to read and observe the character of the person who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> +has presented it to him. Lawyers generally wear them +that way, and they seldom fail to have their bureau so +placed that they can have their backs to the window, +while their clients or callers are seated opposite in the +full light of the day.</p> + +<p>Old gentlemen wear their eye-glasses on the tip of +their noses when they read their newspaper, because it +enables them to recline in their arm-chairs and assume +a more comfortable position.</p> + +<p>The single eye-glass was originally worn by people +whose eyes were different, in order to remedy the defective +one. To-day it may be asserted that, out of a +hundred men who wear single eye-glasses, ninety-nine +see through—the other one. The single eye-glass is +tolerable in a man of a certain age who is both clever +and <i>distingué</i> looking. John Bright, with his fine +white mass of hair and intelligent, firm, yet kind expression, +looked beautiful with his eye-glass on. Lord +Beaconsfield also looked well with one. To Mr. +Joseph Chamberlain, with his turned-up nose and +sneering smile, and his jaw ever ready to snap, it adds +impudence.</p> + +<p>When a man looks silly, the single eye-glass finishes +him and makes him look like a drivelling idiot. If, +besides, he is very young, it gives you an irresistible +desire to smack his face or pull his nose.</p> + +<p>The single eye-glass originated in England, but it is +now worn in France quite as much, especially by young +dudes, who, lacking the manliness of young Englishmen,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span> +look preposterously ridiculous with them on. I must +say, however, that great Frenchmen have worn single +eye-glasses, among them Alphonse Daudet, Aurélien +Scholl, President Felix Faure, Gaston Paris. Alfred +Capus, now our most popular dramatist, wears one; so +does Paul Bourget, but the latter is short-sighted on +the right side.</p> + +<p>No Royalty has ever been known to wear one, although +not long ago I saw a portrait of the Kaiser with a single +eye-glass.</p> + +<p>America is to be congratulated on the absence of +single eye-glasses. I may have seen one or two at the +horse-show in New York, but I should not like to swear +to it. An American dude, with his trousers turned up, +wearing a single eye-glass and sucking the top of his +stick, would be a sight for the gods to enjoy. I believe +that a single eye-glass, not only in Chicago or Kansas +City, but in Broadway, New York, and even in Boston, +would cause Americans, whose bump of veneration is +not highly developed, to pass remarks not of a particularly +favourable character on its wearer. In the West, +he might be tarred and feathered, if not lynched. One +way or the other, he would be a success there.</p> + +<p>But the most impudent, the most provoking single +eye-glass of all is the one which is worn, generally by +very young men, without strings. As they frown and +wink, and make the grimace unavoidable to the wearer +of that kind of apparel, they seem to say: 'See what +practice can do! I have no string, yet I am not at all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span> +afraid of my glass falling from my eye.' Rich Annamites +grow their finger-nails eight and ten inches long, +to show you that they are aristocrats, and have never +used their hands for any kind of work. French and +English parasites advertise their uselessness by this +exhibition of the single eye-glass without string. And +with it on, they eat, talk, smoke, run, laugh, and sneeze—and +it sticks. Wonderful, simply wonderful! When +you can do that, you really are 'in it.'</p> + +<p>When you consider the progress that civilization is +making every day, the discoveries that are made, the +pluck and perseverance that are shown by the pioneers +of all science, by the princes of commerce, by the +explorers of new fields and pastures, in your gratitude +for all they have done and are still doing for the world, +you must not forget the well-groomed young man who +has succeeded in being able to wear a single eye-glass +without a string.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> + +<h3>THOUGHTS ON UMBRELLAS</h3> + + +<p>Tell me how a man uses his umbrella, and I will tell +you his character.</p> + +<p>The Anglo-Saxon Puritan always carried his umbrella +open. If he rolled it, you might, at a distance, take +that umbrella for a stick, which, he thinks, would give +him a certain fast appearance. The miser does the +same, because an umbrella that is never rolled lasts +longer.</p> + +<p>The man who always takes an umbrella out with +him is a cautious individual, who never runs risks, and +abstains from speculation. He will probably die rich; +at all events, in cosy circumstances. On the contrary, +the man who always leaves his umbrella behind him is +generally one who makes no provision for the morrow. +That man is thoughtless, reckless, always late for the +train or an appointment, leaves the street-door open +when he comes home late at night, and is generally +unreliable.</p> + +<p>The man who is always losing his umbrella is an +unlucky dog, whose bills are protested, whose boots +split, whose gloves crack, whose buttons are always<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span> +coming off, who is always in trouble on account of one +thing or another.</p> + +<p>The man, who leaves a new umbrella in his club and +hopes to find it there the following day, is a simpleton +who deserves all the bad luck that pursues him through +life.</p> + +<p>The man who comes early to an 'at home' may not +show his eagerness to present his respects to a hostess +early so much as to aim at having a better chance to +choose a good umbrella.</p> + +<p>The man who is perpetually showing a nervous +anxiety about his umbrella, and wondering if it is safe, +is full of meanness and low suspicion. Let him be ever +so rich, if he asks your daughter in marriage, refuse her +to him. He will undoubtedly take more care of his +umbrella than of his wife.</p> + +<p>If you are fortunate enough to have your umbrella +when it rains, and you meet a friend who has left his +at home, and asks you to shelter him, try immediately +to meet another friend or acquaintance to whom you +will offer the same service. By so doing, you will be all +right in the middle, you will have your sides also well +protected, and, besides, you will have obliged two +friends instead of one.</p> + +<p>The possession of a well-regulated watch and a decent +umbrella is to a great degree a sign of respectability. +More watches and silk umbrellas are pawned than all +the other pieces of man's apparel put together.</p> + +<p>The man who carries a cotton umbrella is either a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> +philosopher, who defies the world and all its fashionable +conventions and prejudices, or an economist, who knows +that a cotton umbrella is cheaper than a silk one, and +lasts longer.</p> + +<p>The man who walks with short, jerky steps, and +never allows his umbrella to touch the ground, is +a very proper man, and not uncommonly a downright +hypocrite. On the other hand, the man who walks +with a firm, long step, swinging his body slightly +from right to left, and using his umbrella like a stick, +is generally a good, manly fellow.</p> + +<p>Once a man came to an afternoon 'at home,' and, +when ready to leave the house, could not find his +umbrella, a beautiful new one. He made somewhat +of a fuss in the hall. The master of the house came to +his rescue, and looked for the missing umbrella among +the scores that were there.</p> + +<p>'Are you sure you had an umbrella when you +came?'</p> + +<p>'Quite sure.'</p> + +<p>'Perhaps you left it at the other party, where you +went first.'</p> + +<p>'No, no; that's where I got it.'</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXV</h2> + +<h3>SOME AMERICAN TOPICS</h3> + + +<p>As I sit quietly thinking over my seventh visit to the +United States, some impressions take a definite shape. +I may here repeat a phrase which I used yesterday +while speaking to the representative of an English newspaper +who had called to interview me:</p> + +<p>'This last visit has left me more than ever impressed +with the colossal greatness of the American +people.'</p> + +<p>The progress they have made during the last five +years is perfectly astounding—progress in commerce +and industry, progress in art and science, progress in +architecture. The whole thing is simply amazing. And +the ingenuity displayed in the smallest things!</p> + +<p>Really, this morning I was pitying from the bottom +of my heart a poor English carman, who was emptying +sacks of coal into a hole made in the pavement, as in +New York, in front of a house.</p> + +<p>He had to go and fetch every sack of coal, put it on +his back, carry it with his bent body, and then aim at +the hole as best he could. In New York the cart is +lifted one side by means of a handle, an inclined tray is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span> +placed at the bottom of the cart, with its head over the +hole, and down goes the coal as the man looks at the +work done for him.</p> + +<p>It is in thousands of little things like this that you +understand how the American mind is constantly at +work. I do not know whether America makes more +inventions than other nations (I believe that France is +still leading), but there is no country where so many +inventions are perfected.</p> + +<p>In a great measure I attribute the commercial prosperity +of the Americans to the soundness and practicability +of their principles in the matter of the commercial +education of their youth. It is partly due to +the existence of the 'business college,' which has no +counterpart in England, but which is as great and +powerful an institution in the States as public schools +are in England. Until Europe has such colleges, she +will never breed leaders of commerce and industry as +they are bred in America.</p> + +<p>France possesses the best artisans in the world—glass-cutters, +cabinet-makers, book-binders, gardeners—simply +because boys of the working classes choose their +trade early, work long apprenticeships, and study.</p> + +<p>The English boy of these classes becomes a plumber +at thirteen, then he tries everything afterward. He is +in turn a mason, a gardener, anything you like 'for a +job.' In America it is the mind of boys which is prepared +for commerce in the business colleges. At twenty +they are practical men.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span></p> + +<p>Of course, my mind is full of trusts. Is it possible +that in a few years all the great industries of America—its +mines, its railroads, its telegraphic and telephonic +systems, its land, its land produce—will all be amalgamated +and transformed into trusts?</p> + +<p>I am not inclined to look on this great system of +trusts in too pessimistic a fashion. In my view, they +may eventually lead to the nationalization of those +gigantic enterprises, and in this way bring about the +greatest good for the greatest number, by the simple +reason that it will be much easier for the State to deal +with all those different trusts than with thousands of +different companies and individuals.</p> + +<p>One day the earth will belong to its inhabitants, not +to a privileged few. Trusts may lead to the solution +of the question.</p> + +<p>Another impression deeply confirmed more than ever: +the English may talk of the 'blood-thicker-than-water' +theory, but it will never stand the test of a +political crisis.</p> + +<p>Of course, there are the '400' of New York who are +entirely pro-English, and half apologetic for being +American; but the population of Greater New York +is 4,000,000. If out of 4,000,000 you take 400, there +still remain some Americans. And these have no love +lost for England.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> + +<h3>SOME AMERICANS I OBJECT TO</h3> + + +<p>An American was one day travelling with an Englishman +friend of mine in the same railway compartment +from Dieppe to Paris. During the conversation, the +American did not care to own that he hailed from +America, but went as far as to confess that he came +from Boston, which, he thought, would no doubt +atone for his being American in the eyes of his English +companion.</p> + +<p>'And where are you going to put up in Paris?' +inquired the Englishman. 'Well,' replied the Bostonian, +'I was thinking of staying at Meurice's; but it's so full +of d——d Americans! Where are you going to stop +yourself?' 'H'm,' said the Englishman; 'I was thinking +of stopping at Meurice's myself, but the place is so +full of d——d English people!'</p> + +<p>I object to the American who tells you that he +spends the summer in Europe because America does +not possess a summer resort fit to visit, and who regrets +being unable to spend the winter in the South of France +because there is not in the United States a decent place +where to spend the winter months, who assures you that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span> +America does not possess a single spot historically interesting. +In my innocence I thought that an American +might be interested to visit the Independence Hall of +Philadelphia, Mount Vernon in Virginia, Lexington, +Bunker's Hill, Yorktown, Chattanooga, Gettysburg, and +a few other places where his ancestors made America +what she is now.</p> + +<p>I thought that the Hudson River compared favourably +with the Thames and the Seine, the Rocky +Mountains with the Alps and the Pyrenees, the Sierras +with Switzerland, and that Europe had nothing to offer +to be mentioned in the same breath with the Indian +summer of America, when the country puts on her garb +of red and gold.</p> + +<p>When you meet that American in Europe, he asks +you if you have met Lord Fitz-Noodle, Lady Ginger, +and the Marquis de la Roche-Trompette. When you +confess to him that you never had the pleasure of meeting +those European worthies, he throws at you a patronizing +glance, a mixture of pity and contempt, which +seems to say: 'Good gracious! who on earth can you +be? In what awful set do you move?'</p> + +<p>At fashionable places, on board steamers, he avoids +his compatriots and introduces himself into the aristocracy, +always glad to patronize people who have +money. He makes no inquiry about the private character +of those titled people before he allows his wife +and daughters to frequent them. They are titled, and, +in his eyes, that sanctifies everything. On board a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span> +steamer he works hard with the purser and the chief +steward in order to be given a seat at the same table +with a travelling lord. You never see him in anybody +else's company.</p> + +<p>A favourite remark of his is: 'The Americans one +meets in Europe make me feel ashamed of my country +and of my compatriots.'</p> + +<p>How I do prefer to that American snob the good +American who has never left the States, and who is +perfectly convinced that America is the only country +fit for a free man to live in—God's own country! At +any rate, he is a good patriot, proud of his motherland. +I even prefer to him that American (often to be met +abroad) who damns everything in Europe; who prefers +the Presbyterian church of his little city to Notre Dame, +Westminster Abbey, and the cathedrals of Rouen, +Cologne, and Milan; who thinks that England is such +a tight little island that he is afraid of going out at +night for fear of falling into the water; who thinks +that French politeness and manners are much overrated, +and who, when being asked if he likes French +cuisine, replies: 'No; nor their cookery either.'</p> + +<p>I love the man who sees only things to admire in his +mother and his own country; and in America that man +has his choice—<i>une abondance de biens</i>.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> + +<h3>PATIENCE—AN AMERICAN TRAIT</h3> + + +<p>For power of endurance, give me the Americans. They +are angels of patience. The best illustration is what +they can put up with at their Custom House when they +return home. Foreigners are more leniently dealt with, +but if the American and his wife return from a trip to +Europe and have with them twelve trunks and ten +bags, these twelve trunks and ten bags have to be +opened and thoroughly searched, and that although +the said American has already signed a paper that he +has nothing dutiable with him.</p> + +<p>In every civilized nation of the world, there is a +Custom House officer to inquire of the foreign visitor +or the returning native whether he has anything to +declare. He is not required to sign anything. He is +asked the question on presenting himself with his +baggage.</p> + +<p>Never more than one piece of luggage is opened, and +when the owner is a lady alone she is allowed to pass +without having anything opened, unless, of course, she +appears to be a suspicious character.</p> + +<p>Everywhere in Europe any decent-looking man or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span> +woman who declares that he or she has nothing dutiable +has one piece of luggage examined and no more. +But in America not only is every trunk, every bag, +opened, but everything in it most searchingly examined.</p> + +<p>'Have you worn this?' says the man.</p> + +<p>I knew a gentleman who had had ten trunks examined +from top to bottom, but could not find the key to his +hat-box, a light piece of luggage which, by its weight, +was labelled innocent. The Custom House officer took +a hatchet and smashed it.</p> + +<p>I allowed myself to be told that the gentleman in +question could obtain no redress against the man in +authority. A lady, for that matter, would have been +treated in exactly the same way. No respect for her +sex, no consideration for the pretty things she had had +so carefully packed; everything is taken out, felt, and +replaced topsy-turvy.</p> + +<p>When a favourite steamer arrives in New York, with +500 first and second class passengers, it means about +5,000 pieces of luggage to open and examine. If you +have no servants to see it done for you, the odds are +that you will be five hours on the wharf before you are +able to proceed to your hotel.</p> + +<p>The Americans grumble, but patiently endure the +nuisance, as if they were not masters in their own home +and able to put a stop to it. No Englishman would +stand it a day. If it was a special order, it would be +repealed at once. The only time when the thing was +done in England was during the period of scare<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span> +produced by the Irish dynamitards some twenty-five years +ago.</p> + +<p>To some American millionairesses fifty new dresses +are less extravagant than two or three for other women; +besides, if they are extravagant, that's their business. +What does it matter so long as it is not some materials +for sale or any other commercial purpose?</p> + +<p>The Americans endure bureaucracy much more readily +than the English. In that, as in many other traits, they +more resemble the French, who, in spite of their reputation +for being unruly, are the most docile, enduring, +easily-governed people in the world, until they are +aroused, when—then look out!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> + +<h3>AMERICAN FEELINGS FOR FOREIGNERS</h3> + + +<p>Jonathan has such a large family of his own to think +of and look after at home that he has not much time to +spare for concerning himself about what is going on in +other people's houses.</p> + +<p>He takes a general interest in them, likes to be +kept acquainted with what is happening in the world, +in Europe especially; he feels sympathy for most +people, antipathy to one, but it would be difficult to +say, so far as the names of the American people are +concerned, that he has a predilection for any particular +nation more than for any other.</p> + +<p>The largest foreign element in the United States is +German, Scandinavian, and Irish; but they are all now +digested and assimilated, and they inspire no particular +feeling in the breast of Uncle Sam for the respective +countries they originally came from. He asks them to +be, and they are, good American citizens, ready to fight +his battles on election day or, if need be, on the battlefield.</p> + +<p>There is no 'most favoured' nation in the American<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span> +character, which in this respect is opportunist to the +greatest degree.</p> + +<p>During the war with Spain the Americans were pro-English, +because they had the moral support of the +English, or thought they had.</p> + +<p>In 1895, during the Venezuelan difficulty, they were +above all anti-English. Just at present their love of +the English is somewhat cooler, because they wonder +whether England was really friendly and sincere during +the Spanish-American War, and because their sympathy +was for the Boers who, in their eyes, rightly or wrongly, +bravely fought for their liberty and independence as +the Americans did 125 years ago.</p> + +<p>When Prince Henry visited the United States, the +Americans regarded his visit as a great compliment +paid to their country, and a delicate advance and +attention on the part of the German Emperor.</p> + +<p>Then Germany naturally came to the front, and, at +the time, might with reason have been called the nation +nearest to the heart of Jonathan. Prince Henry was +fêted, banqueted, liked, and when the steamer took him +home, he was remembered with pleasure and forgotten, +and Germany resumed her position of foreign nation, +just like that of any other.</p> + +<p>The English, who buy inventions, but seldom make +them, are now starting the rumour that the Prince of +Wales has been invited to visit the United States. +The idea is not very original, not any more than that +of King Edward having a racing yacht built in America,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> +and sending his son over to be present at its launching +and christening. That sort of thing may be overdone.</p> + +<p>If, however, the Prince of Wales went to America, he +would be received with open arms, the 'blood-thicker-than-water' +business, and the 'kin-and-kith' cry would +be indulged in during his visit, after which everything +would resume its normal state.</p> + +<p>If the President of the French Republic could be +induced to visit America, the Americans would become +pro-French; Lafayette, the 'never-to-be-forgotten +helper of the Americans' in their struggle for liberty +and independence, would be resurrected, and this visit +would, perhaps, be the one most likely to go straight to +the hearts of the Americans, as, in this case, the visit +paid would bring to the United States the very head of +the French nation and the President of a great Republic, +the sister Republic.</p> + +<p>But the visit over, I have no doubt that Jonathan +would resume his business habits, forget all about it, +and only remember a little excitement and a good time.</p> + +<p>Let me, however, advise any royalty, English or other, +to wait a little before visiting America. For a long +time there will be no originality, no novelty even, about +the presence of a real Prince in the United States, and +the Americans are particularly fond of novelties. They +want a constant change in the programme.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> + +<h3>SHOULD YOUNG GIRLS READ NOVELS?</h3> + + +<p>A lady, an intimate friend of the late Alphonse Karr, was +one day on a visit to the famous French author, and +noticing in his library the statuettes of the Venus of +Milo and a few other classical beauties, she said to him: +'I am afraid you are wrong to feast your eyes on those +exquisite faces and perfect forms, because they very +seldom exist in real life, and they can only make you +feel disappointed and spoil your mind. When you go +to a ballroom, I imagine that there are few women, if +any, that you are not inclined to criticise.'</p> + +<p>For the same reason I will answer a lady correspondent, +who asks me whether she should encourage or +even allow her daughters to read novels: No, young +people should not read novels. Instead of infusing +into their minds sensible ideas about the stern realities +of life, they portray disinterestedness that is overdone, +beauty that is rarely seen outside of museums, devotion +that has been very uncommon since the days of the +Crusaders, love that has been unheard of since the death +of Orpheus and Eurydice, pluck that died with Bayard +and Bertrand du Guesclin; and I am not sure that,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span> +loathsome as they are to me, I would not recommend +the novels of the realistic school rather than those of +the romantic school to young people of both sexes; for +if the former make you feel fairly disgusted with +humanity, they do not, like the latter, fill the minds of +youth with illusions that are destined to be blown to +the four winds of the earth by the realities of life. In +fact, I know some novels which young people might +read, and also some which they ought to read; but I +believe I could count them all on the fingers of my two +hands. Let young people study life from life, listen to +the experience of those who have lived, frequent people +who have found happiness and met with success in +life. This will much better make them serve their +apprenticeship.</p> + +<p>Yes, I say, avoid reading all novels, and, above all, +the sentimental ones—those that make young girls +believe that husbands are lovers who spend their lives +at the feet of their wives making love to them, and +young men imagine that wives are sweethearts who +have nothing to do but coo and try to look pretty. +Let young people read books that will help make them +sensible and cheerful, books of travels and adventures, +books of pleasant philosophy, of common-sense and +humour. Boyhood, girlhood, as well as young manhood +and womanhood, should be spent in cheerful +surroundings, for nothing leads better to morality than +cheerfulness. If I had a house full of young people, I +would have my house ring all day long with the peals<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span> +of laughter of my boys and girls. Fun of the good, +wholesome sort, humour and gaiety, should be the daily +food of youth, and only books that supply it should be +given to them.</p> + +<p>On the whole, there is not much to choose between +the novels of the realistic school, that would +make you believe that the world is full of murderers, +forgers, men and women with diseased minds, novels +that reek of disinfectants, and make you feel as you do +when you come out of a hospital and your clothes are +permeated with a smell of carbolic acid, and the novels +of the sentimental school, that would lead you to +believe that all the male and female geese who are their +heroes and heroines have the slightest chance of being +successful in life.</p> + +<p>People should already know a great deal of real life +before they get acquainted with the way in which it is +represented in novels.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2> + +<h3>NOW, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH FATHER?</h3> + + +<p>I confess that I am a little tired, and I will say so +frankly, of continually hearing such phrases as 'What +is home without a mother?' 'God bless our mother!' +and so forth. I should like to use an Americanism and +ask, 'Now, pray, what's the matter with father?'</p> + +<p>I cannot help thinking that children would grow just +as sensible if they sometimes heard a word of praise +bestowed on their fathers instead of being loaded with +an endless litany of all the virtues of mother.</p> + +<p>Mother's love, mother's devotion, mother's influence, +mother's this, and mother's that. Now, father does +exist, and occasionally makes himself useful enough to +stand in no need of an apology for daring to exist.</p> + +<p>He generally loves his children, and sometimes feels +that he cannot compete with his wife in their affections, +simply because she monopolizes them, not only +when they are babies, but after they are out of infancy. +He resents it, but, as a rule, resigns himself to what he +is made to believe inevitable.</p> + +<p>The first duty of a woman is to teach her children to +love their father, and, as they grow up, to teach them<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span> +to respect him and admire him. It is her duty to hide +from her children any little thing that might cause +them to lose the least respect or admiration towards +him.</p> + +<p>But, out of one hundred women, will you find one +who will not be of opinion that mother is foremost?</p> + +<p>When a woman has become a mother, her vanity, +though often full of repose, gets the best of her. She +is a mother, and thinks she is the most important thing +in the world. Yet, as I say elsewhere, it is no extraordinary +testimonial for a woman to be fond of her +children. All mothers are fond of their children and +good to them—why, even the fiercest and cruellest of +animals. The feeling is given to them by Nature. We +all profit by it; we are all happier for it. For being able +to dispense maternal love woman is to be admired and +blessed, but not congratulated. A child is part and +parcel of a mother. In loving a child a woman loves +part of herself. It is not selfishness so much as self-love. +When she brings up her children for herself, for +the love of herself, without doing her utmost to see that +their father gets his share; when, thanks to her own +trumpeting, her house rings only with 'God bless our +mother!' she is guilty of an act of terrible injustice.</p> + +<p>The vanity of some women is such that some expect +a pedestal—nay, an altar—when the spring-cleaning of +their house is over.</p> + +<p>I know men who work with one view only—that of +bringing up their children in comfort, giving them a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span> +University education, and starting them in life at the +cost of any sacrifice.</p> + +<p>I know Americans who work like slaves at home so +that their wives and daughters may enjoy themselves +in Paris and London. For this they demand +nothing except an occasional letter, which they sometimes +get.</p> + +<p>Mother is very tired! She has had to pay calls, go +to so many 'at homes,' so many garden-parties! She is +exhausted; she wants a change of air immediately. +Father is at his office, a dingy, badly-ventilated room. +He has had no holiday for a year. He, too, would like +a little change of air; but what's the matter with +father? He's all right.</p> + +<p>In the most humble stations of life we have all of us +known that man who gets up at five o'clock in the +morning, lights the fire to cook a bit of breakfast for +himself, gets his tools and starts to his daily labour, +wiping off the dew of the dawn on his boots while many +a mother is sleeping. With his hard-earned wages he +pays the butcher, the grocer, the milkman and the +baker. He stands off the wolf and the bailiff and pays +the rent.</p> + +<p>What's the matter with father? How blessed that +home would be without him!</p> + +<p>I know there are loafers who refuse the work that +would enable them to support their wives and children. +There are also good steady workmen who at home find +nothing awaiting them except the sight of a drunken<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span> +woman, who not only has not prepared a meal for him, +but has spent his hard-earned money, and not uncommonly +even pawned the baby's shoes to get brandy or +gin with. 'What's home without a mother?' 'God +bless our mother!'</p> + +<p>Do give father a chance, if you please.</p> + + +<h3>THE END</h3> + +<h5>BILLING AND SONS, LTD., PRINTERS, GUILDFORD</h5> + + + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3>MAX O'RELL'S WORKS</h3> + + +<p class="center"> +JOHN BULL AND HIS ISLAND.<br /> +JOHN BULL'S WOMANKIND.<br /> +THE DEAR NEIGHBOURS!<br /> +FRIEND MACDONALD.<br /> +DRAT THE BOYS!<br /> +JOHN BULL, JUNIOR.<br /> +JACQUES BONHOMME.<br /> +JONATHAN AND HIS CONTINENT.<br /> +A FRENCHMAN IN AMERICA.<br /> +JOHN BULL AND CO.<br /> +PHARISEES AND CROCODILES.<br /> +FRENCH ORATORY.<br /> +WOMAN AND ARTIST.<br /> +HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WOMAN.<br /> +BETWEEN OURSELVES.<br /> +RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h3>OPINIONS OF THE PRESS<br /> +ON<br /> +RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND</h3> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p>'Max O'Rell has in this volume given us another entertaining and delightful dissertation +upon woman and her kind. What Max O'Rell does not know about the sex to which +he has not the honour to belong is hardly worth knowing.'—<i>St. James's Gazette.</i></p> + +<p>'It is too late in the day to dwell upon the features of style which render the work of +Max O'Rell such easy and agreeable reading, and it is unnecessary to illustrate his pretty +gift of phrase-making. He has gained his own place among popular authors, and offers +no sign of vacating it.'—<i>Pall Mall Gazette.</i></p> + +<p>'We hardly know whether to recommend the book to our readers or not. They will +not put it down, once begun—that is certain.'—<i>Spectator.</i></p> + +<p>'Max O'Rell, in his new book, expresses in his own peculiar and entertaining way +many witty, satirical, and humorous ideas on the subject of the "eternal woman."'—<i>Daily +Express.</i></p> + +<p>'Max O'Rell is always entertaining, and provokes friendly discussion as readily as +any writer I know. His new book contains many aphorisms, and some of them are very +good.'—<i>British Weekly.</i></p> + +<p>'Max O'Rell supplies, not for the first time, a delightful mixture of commonplace +and common-sense.'—<i>Daily Chronicle.</i></p> + +<p>'We have no doubt a great many people will enjoy the book, and the enjoyment will +be innocent and wholesome.'—<i>Academy.</i></p> + +<p>'Max O'Rell's chaff is excellent, and all in perfect good taste.'—<i>Pelican.</i></p> + +<p>'The genial author takes up the cudgels on behalf of the better-looking sex in a way +which should make his book tremendously popular with lady readers—especially the +married ones.... A very entertaining book.'—<i>Golden Penny.</i></p> + +<p>'Contains some delightful reading.... It is a book happy in idea, felicitous in +expression, cynically frank and refreshing in its candour.'—<i>Gossip.</i></p> + +<p>'Another collection of amusing and epigrammatic essays.... Max O'Rell, as everyone +knows, has the gift of discoursing fluently and amusingly on any subject on which he +touches, and to English and American people his good-humoured criticisms are particularly +valuable, as they are not only sound and sane in themselves, but they are written +from an outside standpoint.'—<i>Morning Leader.</i></p> + +<p>'Women will not feel sorry that Max O'Rell's last work should be his new book on +the fair sex. For many a year he has helped us with his gentle raillery, cheered us with +his bright humour, and taught us much. "Rambles in Womanland" contains many little +personal reminiscences and revelations, and its author's wit is undimmed. The book +is full of epigrams, bons mots, and piquant criticisms.'—<i>Gentlewoman.</i></p> + +<p>'Max O'Rell's last book will add to the regret that his genial pen will write no more. +Usually there is a tone of gaiety in what he says, but at all times he discusses important +problems with all seriousness, and with not a little of the wisdom with which a wide +knowledge of the world had endowed him. Max O'Rell's writings have always been +notable for witty epigrammatic sentences.... His last work is a bright and engaging +book.'—<i>Daily Telegraph.</i></p> + +<p>'With a pretty wit and a turn for epigram this writer can scarcely be dull, and no +one will turn to one or other of these chatty chapters without being pleasantly entertained.'—<i>Scotsman.</i></p> + +<p>'Liveliness, amiability, charm, honourable sentiment, humour, every quality that the +best kind of French culture produces, are open to anyone who can read English in the +pages of Max O'Rell. Every page of these "Rambles" is sprinkled over with aphorisms. +... This most entertaining book.'—<i>Vanity Fair.</i></p> + +<p>'There is much that is entertaining in these short pithy comments on women's characteristics, +and occasionally criticism that penetrates deep beneath the surface, and reveals +a vast amount of observation and knowledge of the world.... The book is full of smart +sayings and clever aphorisms.'—<i>Publishers' Circular.</i></p> + +<p>'Whatever his theme, he is always bright, and the coruscations of his wit are exceedingly +diverting.... This last contribution is full of good things, placed in an amusing +setting.... These are but a few maxims culled from a crowded garden.... This +wonderful little volume.'—<i>Echo.</i></p> + +<p>'"Rambles in Womanland" has between its covers much wisdom, served up with +a pretty garnish of wit and that wholesome sauce—common sense. Indeed, Max O'Rell +has written nothing better than—in fact, nothing so good as—"Rambles in Womanland." +Here we have his riper wisdom, his fuller experience; but while he has gained in wisdom +or experience, he has not lost his spiciness or his power of brief, terse epigram.'—<i>Black +and White.</i></p> + +<p>'Full of sparkling common-sense.'—<i>T. P.'s Weekly.</i></p> + +<p>'There is enough fresh material to commend these "Rambles in Womanland" to those +who have enjoyed rambling through the author's entertaining writings.'—<i>Morning Post.</i></p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="transquot"> +<p><b>Transcriber's Notes:</b><i>Apart from one misprint correction on page 157 ("necesssity" changed +to "necessity") and a few punctuation corrections, no other modifications +have been made in the original text for this HTML version.</i></p> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Rambles in Womanland, by Max O'Rell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RAMBLES IN WOMANLAND *** + +***** This file should be named 33416-h.htm or 33416-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/3/4/1/33416/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/33416-h/images/i_004.png b/33416-h/images/i_004.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a192ea9 --- /dev/null +++ b/33416-h/images/i_004.png diff --git a/33416-h/images/i_acorn.png b/33416-h/images/i_acorn.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8d599b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/33416-h/images/i_acorn.png diff --git a/33416-h/images/i_cover.jpg b/33416-h/images/i_cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e110ff3 --- /dev/null +++ b/33416-h/images/i_cover.jpg |
