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authorRoger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>2025-10-15 05:20:52 -0700
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+<title>Cambridge Pieces, by Samuel Butler</title>
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Cambridge Pieces, by Samuel Butler, Edited by
+R. A. Streatfeild
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
+other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
+the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
+to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
+
+
+
+
+Title: Cambridge Pieces
+
+
+Author: Samuel Butler
+
+Editor: R. A. Streatfeild
+
+Release Date: July 25, 2019 [eBook #3278]
+[This file was first posted on March 10, 2001]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAMBRIDGE PIECES***
+</pre>
+<p>Transcribed from the 1914 A. C. Fifield edition by David
+Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p>
+<p style="text-align: center">
+<a href="images/cover.jpg">
+<img alt=
+"Public domain cover"
+title=
+"Public domain cover"
+ src="images/cover.jpg" />
+</a></p>
+<h1>CAMBRIDGE PIECES</h1>
+<p style="text-align: center">By<br />
+<b>Samuel Butler</b><br />
+<span class="GutSmall">Author of &ldquo;Erewhon,&rdquo;
+&ldquo;The Way of All Flesh,&rdquo; etc.</span></p>
+
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center">Edited by R. A. Streatfeild</p>
+
+<div class="gapspace">&nbsp;</div>
+<p style="text-align: center"><b>London</b>: <b>A. C.
+Fifield</b><br />
+1914</p>
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+<table>
+<tr>
+<td><p>&nbsp;</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span
+class="GutSmall">PAGE</span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>On English Composition and Other Matters</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page205">205</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Our Tour</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page211">211</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page234">234</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>The shield of Achilles, with variations</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page237">237</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Prospectus of the Great Split Society</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page239">239</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Powers</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page244">244</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>A skit on examinations</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page251">251</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>An Eminent Person</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page255">255</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Napoleon at St. Helena</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page256">256</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>The Two Deans.&nbsp; I.</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page258">258</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>The Two Deans.&nbsp; II.</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page259">259</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>The Battle of Alma Mater</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page261">261</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>On the Italian Priesthood</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page265">265</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td><p>Samuel Butler and the Simeonites, by A. T. Bartholomew</p>
+</td>
+<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a
+href="#page266">266</a></span></p>
+</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+<h2><a name="page205"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 205</span>On
+English Composition and Other Matters</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>This essay is believed to be the first
+composition by Samuel Butler that appeared in print</i>.&nbsp;
+<i>It was published in the first number of the</i> <span
+class="smcap">Eagle</span>, <i>a magazine written and edited by
+members of St. John&rsquo;s College</i>, <i>Cambridge</i>, <i>in
+the Lent Term</i>, 1858, <i>when Butler was in his fourth and
+last year of residence</i>.</p>
+<p style="text-align: center" class="gutsumm">[From the
+<i>Eagle</i>, Vol. 1, No. 1, Lent Term, 1858, p. 41.]</p>
+<p>I sit down scarcely knowing how to grasp my own meaning, and
+give it a tangible shape in words; and yet it is concerning this
+very expression of our thoughts in words that I wish to
+speak.&nbsp; As I muse things fall more into their proper places,
+and, little fit for the task as my confession pronounces me to
+be, I will try to make clear that which is in my mind.</p>
+<p>I think, then, that the style of our authors of a couple of
+hundred years ago was more terse and masculine than that of those
+of the present day, possessing both more of the graphic element,
+and more vigour, straightforwardness, and conciseness.&nbsp; Most
+readers will have anticipated me in admitting that a man should
+be clear of his meaning before he endeavours to give to it any
+kind of utterance, and that having made up his mind what to say,
+the less thought he takes how to say it, more than briefly,
+pointedly, and plainly, the better; for instance, Bacon tells us,
+&ldquo;Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark&rdquo;;
+he does not say, what I can imagine a last century writer to have
+said, &ldquo;A feeling somewhat analogous to the dread with which
+children are affected upon entering a dark room, is that which
+most men entertain at the contemplation of death.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+Jeremy Taylor says, &ldquo;Tell them it is as much intemperance
+to weep too much as to laugh too much&rdquo;; he does not say,
+&ldquo;All men will acknowledge that laughing admits of
+intemperance, but some men may at first sight hesitate to allow
+that a similar imputation may be at times attached to
+weeping.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>I incline to believe that as irons support the rickety child,
+whilst they impede the healthy one, so rules, for the most part,
+are but useful to the weaker among us.&nbsp; Our greatest masters
+in language, whether prose or verse, in painting, music,
+architecture, or the like, have been those who preceded the rule
+and whose excellence gave rise thereto; men who preceded, I
+should rather say, not the rule, but the discovery of the rule,
+men whose intuitive perception led them to the right
+practice.&nbsp; We cannot imagine Homer to have studied rules,
+and the infant genius of those giants of their art, Handel,
+Mozart, and Beethoven, who composed at the ages of seven, five,
+and ten, must certainly have been unfettered by them: to the less
+brilliantly endowed, however, they have a use as being
+compendious safeguards against error.&nbsp; Let me then lay down
+as the best of all rules for writing, &ldquo;forgetfulness of
+self, and carefulness of the matter in hand.&rdquo;&nbsp; No
+simile is out of place that illustrates the subject; in fact a
+simile as showing the symmetry of this world&rsquo;s arrangement,
+is always, if a fair one, interesting; every simile is amiss that
+leads the mind from the contemplation of its object to the
+contemplation of its author.&nbsp; This will apply equally to the
+heaping up of unnecessary illustrations: it is as great a fault
+to supply the reader with too many as with too few; having given
+him at most two, it is better to let him read slowly and think
+out the rest for himself than to surfeit him with an abundance of
+explanation.&nbsp; Hood says well,</p>
+<blockquote><p>And thus upon the public mind intrude it;<br />
+As if I thought, like Otaheitan cooks,<br />
+No food was fit to eat till I had chewed it.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>A book that is worth reading will be worth reading
+thoughtfully, and there are but few good books, save certain
+novels, that it is well to read in an arm-chair.&nbsp; Most will
+bear standing to.&nbsp; At the present time we seem to lack the
+impassiveness and impartiality which was so marked among the
+writings of our forefathers, we are seldom content with the
+simple narration of fact, but must rush off into an almost
+declamatory description of them; my meaning will be plain to all
+who have studied Thucydides.&nbsp; The dignity of his simplicity
+is, I think, marred by those who put in the accessories which
+seem thought necessary in all present histories.&nbsp; How few
+writers of the present day would not, instead of
+<i>&#957;&#8017;&xi; &gamma;&#8048;&rho;
+&#7952;&pi;&epsilon;&gamma;&#941;&#957;&epsilon;&tau;&omicron;
+&tau;&#8183; &#7955;&rho;&gamma;&#8179;</i> rather write,
+&ldquo;Night fell upon this horrid scene of bloodshed.&rdquo; <a
+name="citation207"></a><a href="#footnote207"
+class="citation">[207]</a>&nbsp; This is somewhat a matter of
+taste, but I think I shall find some to agree with me in
+preferring for plain narration (of course I exclude oratory) the
+unadorned gravity of Thucydides.&nbsp; There are, indeed, some
+writers of the present day who seem returning to the statement of
+facts rather than their adornment, but these are not the most
+generally admired.&nbsp; This simplicity, however, to be truly
+effective must be unstudied; it will not do to write with
+affected terseness, a charge which, I think, may be fairly
+preferred against Tacitus; such a style if ever effective must be
+so from excess of artifice and not from that artlessness of
+simplicity which I should wish to see prevalent among us.</p>
+<p>Neither again is it well to write and go over the ground again
+with the pruning knife, though this fault is better than the
+other; to take care of the matter, and let the words take care of
+themselves, is the best safeguard.</p>
+<p>To this I shall be answered, &ldquo;Yes, but is not a diamond
+cut and polished a more beautiful object than when
+rough?&rdquo;&nbsp; I grant it, and more valuable, inasmuch as it
+has run chance of spoliation in the cutting, but I maintain that
+the thinking man, the man whose thoughts are great and worth the
+consideration of others, will &ldquo;deal in proprieties,&rdquo;
+and will from the mine of his thoughts produce ready-cut
+diamonds, or rather will cut them there spontaneously, ere ever
+they see the light of day.</p>
+<p>There are a few points still which it were well we should
+consider.&nbsp; We are all too apt when we sit down to study a
+subject to have already formed our opinion, and to weave all
+matter to the warp of our preconceived judgment, to fall in with
+the received idea, and, with biassed minds, unconsciously to
+follow in the wake of public opinion, while professing to lead
+it.&nbsp; To the best of my belief half the dogmatism of those we
+daily meet is in consequence of the unwitting practices of this
+self-deception.&nbsp; Simply let us not talk about what we do not
+understand, save as learners, and we shall not by writing mislead
+others.</p>
+<p>There is no shame in being obliged to others for opinions, the
+shame is not being honest enough to acknowledge it: I would have
+no one omit to put down a useful thought because it was not his
+own, provided it tended to the better expression of his matter,
+and he did not conceal its source; let him, however, set out the
+borrowed capital to interest.&nbsp; One word more and I have
+done.&nbsp; With regard to our subject, the best rule is not to
+write concerning that about which we cannot at our present age
+know anything save by a process which is commonly called cram: on
+all such matters there are abler writers than ourselves; the men,
+in fact, from whom we cram.&nbsp; Never let us hunt after a
+subject, unless we have something which we feel urged on to say,
+it is better to say nothing; who are so ridiculous as those who
+talk for the sake of talking, save only those who write for the
+sake of writing?&nbsp; But there are subjects which all young men
+think about.&nbsp; Who can take a walk in our streets and not
+think?&nbsp; The most trivial incident has ramifications, to
+whose guidance if we surrender our thoughts, we are oft-times led
+upon a gold mine unawares, and no man whether old or young is
+worse for reading the ingenuous and unaffected statement of a
+young man&rsquo;s thoughts.&nbsp; There are some things in which
+experience blunts the mental vision, as well as others in which
+it sharpens it.&nbsp; The former are best described by younger
+men, our province is not to lead public opinion, is not in fact
+to ape our seniors, and transport ourselves from our proper
+sphere, it is rather to show ourselves as we are, to throw our
+thoughts before the public as they rise, without requiring it to
+imagine that we are right and others wrong, but hoping for the
+forbearance which I must beg the reader to concede to myself, and
+trusting to the genuineness and vigour of our design to attract
+it may be more than a passing attention.</p>
+<p>I am aware that I have digressed from the original purpose of
+my essay, but I hope for pardon, if, believing the digression to
+be of more value than the original matter, I have not checked my
+pen, but let it run on even as my heart directed it.</p>
+<p style="text-align: right"><span
+class="smcap">Cellarius</span>.</p>
+<h2><a name="page211"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 211</span>Our
+Tour</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>This essay was published in the</i> <span
+class="smcap">Eagle</span>, <i>Vol.</i> 1, <i>No.</i> 5. <i>in
+the Easter Term</i>, 1859.&nbsp; <i>It describes a holiday trip
+made by Butler in June</i>, 1857, <i>in company with a friend
+whose name</i>, <i>which was Joseph Green</i>, <i>Butler
+Italianised as Giuseppe Verdi</i>.&nbsp; <i>I am permitted by
+Professor Bonney to quote a few words from a private letter of
+his referring to Butler&rsquo;s tour</i>: &ldquo;<i>It was
+remarkable in the amount of ground covered and the small sum
+spent</i>, <i>but still more in the direction taken in the first
+part of the tour</i>.&nbsp; <i>Dauphine was then almost a</i>
+<span class="GutSmall">TERRA INCOGNITA</span> <i>to English or
+any other travellers</i>.&rdquo;</p>
+<p style="text-align: center" class="gutsumm">[From the
+<i>Eagle</i>, Vol. 1, No. 5.&nbsp; Easter Term, 1859, p.
+241.]</p>
+<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the vacation is near, and many
+may find themselves with three weeks&rsquo; time on their hand,
+five-and-twenty pounds in their pockets, and the map of Europe
+before them, perhaps the following sketch of what can be effected
+with such money and in such time, may not come amiss to those,
+who, like ourselves a couple of years ago, are in doubt how to
+enjoy themselves most effectually after a term&rsquo;s hard
+reading.</p>
+<p>To some, probably, the tour we decided upon may seem too
+hurried, and the fatigue too great for too little profit; still
+even to these it may happen that a portion of the following pages
+may be useful.&nbsp; Indeed, the tour was scarcely conceived at
+first in its full extent, originally we had intended devoting
+ourselves entirely to the French architecture of Normandy and
+Brittany.&nbsp; Then we grew ambitious, and stretched our
+imaginations to Paris.&nbsp; Then the longing for a snowy
+mountain waxed, and the love of French Gothic waned, and we
+determined to explore the French Alps.&nbsp; Then we thought that
+we must just step over them and take a peep into Italy, and so,
+disdaining to return by the road we had already travelled, we
+would cut off the north-west corner of Italy, and cross the Alps
+again into Switzerland, where, of course, we must see the cream
+of what was to be seen; and then thinking it possible that our
+three weeks and our five-and-twenty pounds might be looking
+foolish, we would return, via Strasburg to Paris, and so to
+Cambridge.&nbsp; This plan we eventually carried into execution,
+spending not a penny more money, nor an hour&rsquo;s more time;
+and, despite the declarations which met us on all sides that we
+could never achieve anything like all we had intended, I hope to
+be able to show how we did achieve it, and how anyone else may do
+the like if he has a mind.&nbsp; A person with a good deal of
+energy might do much more than this; we ourselves had at one time
+entertained thoughts of going to Rome for two days, and thence to
+Naples, walking over the Monte St. Angelo from Castellamare to
+Amalfi (which for my own part I cherish with fond affection, as
+being far the most lovely thing that I have ever seen), and then
+returning as with a <i>Nunc Dimittis</i>, and I still think it
+would have been very possible; but, on the whole, such a journey
+would not have been so well, for the long tedious road between
+Marseilles and Paris would have twice been traversed by us, to
+say nothing of the sea journey between Marseilles and
+Civit&agrave; Vecchia.&nbsp; However, no more of what might have
+been, let us proceed to what was.</p>
+<p>If on Tuesday, June 9 [i.e. 1857], you leave London Bridge at
+six o&rsquo;clock in the morning, you will get (via Newhaven) to
+Dieppe at fifteen minutes past three.&nbsp; If on landing you go
+to the Hotel Victoria, you will find good accommodation and a
+table d&rsquo;h&ocirc;te at five o&rsquo;clock; you can then go
+and admire the town, which will not be worth admiring, but which
+will fill you with pleasure on account of the novelty and
+freshness of everything you meet; whether it is the old
+bonnet-less, short-petticoated women walking arm and arm with
+their grandsons, whether the church with its quaint sculpture of
+the Entombment of our Lord, and the sad votive candles ever
+guttering in front of it, or whether the plain evidence that
+meets one at every touch and turn, that one is among people who
+live out of doors very much more than ourselves, or what
+not&mdash;all will be charming, and if you are yourself in high
+spirits and health, full of anticipation and well inclined to be
+pleased with all you see, Dieppe will appear a very charming
+place, and one which a year or two hence you will fancy that you
+would like to revisit.&nbsp; But now we must leave it at
+forty-five minutes past seven, and at twelve o&rsquo;clock on
+Tuesday night we shall find ourselves in Paris.&nbsp; We drive
+off to the H&ocirc;tel de Normandie in the Rue St. Honor&eacute;,
+290 (I think), stroll out and get a cup of coffee, and return to
+bed at one o&rsquo;clock.</p>
+<p>The next day we spent in Paris, and of it no account need be
+given, save perhaps the reader may be advised to ascend the Arc
+de Triomphe, and not to waste his time in looking at
+Napoleon&rsquo;s hats and coats and shoes in the Louvre; to
+eschew all the picture rooms save the one with the Murillos, and
+the great gallery, and to dine at the D&icirc;ners de
+Paris.&nbsp; If he asks leave to wash his hands before dining
+there, he will observe a little astonishment among the waiters at
+the barbarian cleanliness of the English, and be shown into a
+little room, where a diminutive bowl will be proffered to him, of
+which more anon; let him first (as we did) wash or rather
+sprinkle his face as best he can, and then we will tell him after
+dinner what we generally do with the bowls in question.&nbsp; I
+forget how many things they gave us, but I am sure many more than
+would be pleasant to read, nor do I remember any circumstance
+connected with the dinner, save that on occasion of one of the
+courses, the waiter perceiving a little perplexity on my part as
+to how I should manage an artichoke served <i>&agrave; la
+fran&ccedil;aise</i>, feelingly removed my knife and fork from my
+hand and cut it up himself into six mouthfuls, returning me the
+whole with a sigh of gratitude for the escape of the artichoke
+from a barbarous and unnatural end; and then after dinner they
+brought us little tumblers of warm lavender scent and water to
+wash our mouths out, and the little bowls to spit into; but
+enough of eating, we must have some more coffee at a caf&eacute;
+on the Boulevards, watch the carriages and the people and the
+dresses and the sunshine and all the pomps and vanities which the
+Boulevards have not yet renounced; return to the inn, fetch our
+knapsacks, and be off to the Chemin de Fer de Lyon by forty-five
+minutes past seven; our train leaves at five minutes past eight,
+and we are booked to Grenoble.&nbsp; All night long the train
+speeds towards the south.&nbsp; We leave Sens with its grey
+cathedral solemnly towering in the moonlight a mile on the
+left.&nbsp; (How few remember, that to the architect William of
+Sens we owe Canterbury Cathedral.)&nbsp; Fontainebleau is on the
+right, station after station wakes up our dozing senses, while
+ever in our ears are ringing as through the dim light we gaze on
+the surrounding country, &ldquo;the pastures of Switzerland and
+the poplar valleys of France.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>It is still dark&mdash;as dark, that is, as the midsummer
+night will allow it to be, when we are aware that we have entered
+on a tunnel; a long tunnel, very long&mdash;I fancy there must be
+high hills above it; for I remember that some few years ago when
+I was travelling up from Marseilles to Paris in midwinter, all
+the way from Avignon (between which place and Ch&acirc;lon the
+railway was not completed), there had been a dense frozen fog; on
+neither hand could anything beyond the road be descried, while
+every bush and tree was coated with a thick and steadily
+increasing fringe of silver hoar-frost, for the night and day,
+and half-day that it took us to reach this tunnel, all was the
+same&mdash;bitter cold dense fog and ever silently increasing
+hoar-frost: but on emerging from it, the whole scene was
+completely changed; the air was clear, the sun shining brightly,
+no hoar-frost and only a few patches of fast melting snow,
+everything in fact betokening a thaw of some days&rsquo;
+duration.&nbsp; Another thing I know about this tunnel which
+makes me regard it with veneration as a boundary line in
+countries, namely, that on every high ground after this tunnel on
+clear days Mont Blanc may be seen.&nbsp; True, it is only very
+rarely seen, but I have known those who have seen it; and
+accordingly touch my companion on the side, and say, &ldquo;We
+are within sight of the Alps&rdquo;; a few miles farther on and
+we are at Dijon.&nbsp; It is still very early morning, I think
+about three o&rsquo;clock, but we feel as if we were already at
+the Alps, and keep looking anxiously out for them, though we well
+know that it is a moral impossibility that we should see them for
+some hours at the least.&nbsp; Indian corn comes in after Dijon;
+the oleanders begin to come out of their tubs; the peach trees,
+apricots, and nectarines unnail themselves from the walls, and
+stand alone in the open fields.&nbsp; The vineyards are still
+scrubby, but the practised eye readily detects with each hour
+some slight token that we are nearer the sun than we were, or, at
+any rate, farther from the North Pole.&nbsp; We don&rsquo;t stay
+long at Dijon nor at Ch&acirc;lon, at Lyons we have an hour to
+wait; breakfast off a basin of <i>caf&eacute; au lait</i> and a
+huge hunch of bread, get a miserable wash, compared with which
+the spittoons of the D&icirc;ners de Paris were luxurious, and
+return in time to proceed to St. Rambert, whence the railroad
+branches off to Grenoble.&nbsp; It is very beautiful between
+Lyons and St. Rambert.&nbsp; The mulberry trees show the silkworm
+to be a denizen of the country, while the fields are dazzlingly
+brilliant with poppies and salvias; on the other side of the
+Rh&ocirc;ne rise high cloud-capped hills, but towards the Alps we
+strain our eyes in vain.</p>
+<p>At St. Rambert the railroad to Grenoble branches off at right
+angles to the main line, it was then only complete as far as
+Rives, now it is continued the whole way to Grenoble; by which
+the reader will save some two or three hours, but miss a
+beautiful ride from Rives to Grenoble by the road.&nbsp; The
+valley bears the name of Gr&eacute;sivaudan.&nbsp; It is very
+rich and luxuriant, the vineyards are more Italian, the fig trees
+larger than we have yet seen them, patches of snow whiten the
+higher hills, and we feel that we are at last indeed among the
+outskirts of the Alps themselves.&nbsp; I am told that we should
+have stayed at Voreppe, seen the Grande Chartreuse (for which see
+Murray), and then gone on to Grenoble, but we were pressed for
+time and could not do everything.&nbsp; At Grenoble we arrived
+about two o&rsquo;clock, washed comfortably at last and then
+dined; during dinner a <i>cal&egrave;che</i> was preparing to
+drive us on to Bourg d&rsquo;Oisans, a place some six or seven
+and thirty miles farther on, and by thirty minutes past three we
+find ourselves reclining easily within it, and digesting dinner
+with the assistance of a little packet, for which we paid
+one-and-fourpence at the well-known shop of Mr. Bacon,
+Market-square, Cambridge.&nbsp; It is very charming.&nbsp; The
+air is sweet, warm, and sunny, there has been bad weather for
+some days here, but it is clearing up; the clouds are lifting
+themselves hour by hour, we are evidently going to have a
+pleasant spell of fine weather.&nbsp; The <i>cal&egrave;che</i>
+jolts a little, and the horse is decidedly shabby, both
+<i>qua</i> horse and <i>qua</i> harness, but our moustaches are
+growing, and our general appearance is in keeping.&nbsp; The wine
+was very pleasant at Grenoble, and we have a pound of ripe
+cherries between us; so, on the whole, we would not change with
+his Royal Highness Prince Albert or all the Royal Family, and
+jolt on through the long straight poplar avenue that colonnades
+the road above the level swamp and beneath the hills, and turning
+a sharp angle enter Vizille, a wretched place, only memorable
+because from this point we begin definitely, though slowly, to
+enter the hills and ascend by the side of the Romanche through
+the valley, which that river either made or found&mdash;who knows
+or cares?&nbsp; But we do know very well that we are driving up a
+very exquisitely beautiful valley, that the Romanche takes longer
+leaps from rock to rock than she did, that the hills have closed
+in upon us, that we see more snow each time the valley opens,
+that the villages get scantier, and that at last a great giant
+iceberg walls up the way in front, and we feast our eyes on the
+long-desired sight till after that the setting sun has tinged it
+purple (a sure sign of a fine day), its ghastly pallor shows us
+that the night is upon us.&nbsp; It is cold, and we are not sorry
+at half-past nine to find ourselves at Bourg d&rsquo;Oisans,
+where there is a very fair inn kept by one Martin; we get a
+comfortable supper of eggs and go to bed fairly tired.</p>
+<p>This we must remind the reader is Thursday night, on Tuesday
+morning we left London, spent one day in Paris, and are now
+sleeping among the Alps, sharpish work, but very satisfactory,
+and a prelude to better things by and by.&nbsp; The next day we
+made rather a mistake, instead of going straight on to
+Brian&ccedil;on we went up a valley towards Mont Pelvoux (a
+mountain nearly 14,000 feet high), intending to cross a high pass
+above La B&eacute;rarde down to Brian&ccedil;on, but when we got
+to St. Christophe we were told the pass would not be open till
+August, so returned and slept a second night at Bourg
+d&rsquo;Oisans.&nbsp; The valley, however, was all that could be
+desired, mingled sun and shadow, tumbling river, rich wood, and
+mountain pastures, precipices all around, and snow-clad summits
+continually unfolding themselves; Murray is right in calling the
+valley above Venosc a scene of savage sterility.&nbsp; At Venosc,
+in the poorest of hostelries was a tuneless cracked old
+instrument, half piano, half harpsichord&mdash;how it ever found
+its way there we were at a loss to conceive&mdash;and an
+irrelevant clock that struck seven times by fits and starts at
+its own convenience during our one o&rsquo;clock dinner; we
+returned to Bourg d&rsquo;Oisans at seven, and were in bed by
+nine.</p>
+<p>Saturday, June 13.</p>
+<p>Having found that a conveyance to Brian&ccedil;on was beyond
+our finances, and that they would not take us any distance at a
+reasonable charge, we determined to walk the whole fifty miles in
+the day, and half-way down the mountains, sauntering listlessly
+accordingly left Bourg d&rsquo;Oisans at a few minutes before
+five in the morning.&nbsp; The clouds were floating over the
+uplands, but they soon began to rise, and before seven
+o&rsquo;clock the sky was cloudless; along the road were passing
+hundreds of people (though it was only five in the morning) in
+detachments of from two to nine, with cattle, sheep, pigs, and
+goats, picturesque enough but miserably lean and gaunt: we leave
+them to proceed to the fair, and after a three miles&rsquo; level
+walk through a straight poplar avenue, commence ascending far
+above the Romanche; all day long we slowly ascend, stopping
+occasionally to refresh ourselves with <i>vin ordinaire</i> and
+water, but making steady way in the main, though heavily weighted
+and under a broiling sun, at one we reach La Grave, which is
+opposite the Mont de Lans, a most superb mountain.&nbsp; The
+whole scene equal to anything in Switzerland, as far as the
+mountains go.&nbsp; The Mont de Lans is opposite the windows,
+seeming little more than a stone&rsquo;s throw off, and causing
+my companion (whose name I will, with his permission, Italianise
+into that of the famous composer Giuseppe Verdi) to think it a
+mere nothing to mount to the top of those sugared pinnacles which
+he will not believe are many miles distant in reality.&nbsp;
+After dinner we trudge on, the scenery constantly improving, the
+snow drawing down to us, and the Romanche dwindling hourly; we
+reach the top of the Col du Lautaret, which Murray must describe;
+I can only say that it is first-class scenery.&nbsp; The flowers
+are splendid, acres and acres of wild narcissus, the Alpine
+cowslip, gentians, large purple and yellow anemones, soldanellas,
+and the whole kith and kin of the high Alpine pasture flowers;
+great banks of snow lie on each side of the road, and probably
+will continue to do so till the middle of July, while all around
+are glaciers and precipices innumerable.</p>
+<p>We only got as far as Mon&ecirc;tier after all, for, reaching
+that town at half-past eight, and finding that Brian&ccedil;on
+was still eight miles further on, we preferred resting there at
+the miserable but cheap and honest H&ocirc;tel de l&rsquo;Europe;
+had we gone on a little farther we should have found a much
+better one, but we were tired with our forty-two miles&rsquo;
+walk, and, after a hasty supper and a quiet pipe, over which we
+watch the last twilight on the Alps above Brian&ccedil;on, we
+turn in very tired but very much charmed.</p>
+<p>Sunday morning was the clearest and freshest morning that ever
+tourists could wish for, the grass crisply frozen (for we are
+some three or four thousand feet above the sea), the glaciers
+descending to a level but little higher than the road; a fine
+range of Alps in front over Brian&ccedil;on, and the road winding
+down past a new river (for we have long lost the Romanche)
+towards the town, which is some six or seven miles distant.</p>
+<p>It was a f&ecirc;te&mdash;the <i>F&ecirc;te du bon Dieu</i>,
+celebrated annually on this day throughout all this part of the
+country; in all the villages there were little shrines erected,
+adorned with strings of blue corncockle, narcissus heads, and
+poppies, bunches of green, pink, and white calico, moss and
+fir-tree branches, and in the midst of these tastefully arranged
+bowers was an image of the Virgin and her Son, with whatever
+other saints the place was possessed of.</p>
+<p>At Brian&ccedil;on, which we reached (in a trap) at eight
+o&rsquo;clock, these demonstrations were more imposing, but less
+pleasing; the soldiers, too, were being drilled and exercised,
+and the whole scene was one of the greatest animation, such as
+Frenchmen know how to exhibit on the morning of a gala day.</p>
+<p>Leaving our trap at Brian&ccedil;on and making a hasty
+breakfast at the H&ocirc;tel de la Paix, we walked up a very
+lonely valley towards Cervi&egrave;res.&nbsp; I dare not say how
+many hours we wended our way up the brawling torrent without
+meeting a soul or seeing a human habitation; it was fearfully hot
+too, and we longed for <i>vin ordinaire</i>; Cervi&egrave;res
+seemed as though it never would come&mdash;still the same rugged
+precipices, snow-clad heights, brawling torrent, and stony road,
+butterflies beautiful and innumerable, flowers to match, sky
+cloudless.&nbsp; At last we are there; through the town, or
+rather village, the river rushes furiously, the dismantled houses
+and gaping walls affording palpable traces of the fearful
+inundations of the previous year, not a house near the river was
+sound, many quite uninhabitable, and more such as I am sure few
+of us would like to inhabit.&nbsp; However, it is
+Cervi&egrave;res such as it is, and we hope for our <i>vin
+ordinaire</i>; but, alas!&mdash;not a human being, man, woman or
+child, is to be seen, the houses are all closed, the noonday
+quiet holds the hill with a vengeance, unbroken, save by the
+ceaseless roar of the river.</p>
+<p>While we were pondering what this loneliness could mean, and
+wherefore we were unable to make an entrance even into the little
+<i>auberge</i> that professed to <i>loger &agrave; pied et
+&agrave; cheval</i>, a kind of low wail or chaunt began to make
+itself heard from the other side of the river; wild and strange,
+yet full of a music of its own, it took my friend and myself so
+much by surprise that we almost thought for the moment that we
+had trespassed on to the forbidden ground of some fairy people
+who lived alone here, high amid the sequestered valleys where
+mortal steps were rare, but on going to the corner of the street
+we were undeceived indeed, but most pleasurably surprised by the
+pretty spectacle that presented itself.</p>
+<p>For from the church opposite first were pouring forth a string
+of young girls clad in their Sunday&rsquo;s best, then followed
+the youths, as in duty bound, then came a few monks or friars or
+some such folk, carrying the Virgin, then the men of the place,
+then the women and lesser children, all singing after their own
+rough fashion; the effect was electrical, for in a few minutes
+the procession reached us, and dispersing itself far and wide,
+filled the town with as much life as it had before been
+lonely.&nbsp; It was like a sudden introduction of the whole
+company on to the theatre after the stage has been left empty for
+a minute, and to us was doubly welcome as affording us some hope
+of our wine.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Vous &ecirc;tes Piedmontais, monsieur,&rdquo; said one
+to me.&nbsp; I denied the accusation.&nbsp; &ldquo;Alors vous
+&ecirc;tes Allemands.&rdquo;&nbsp; I again denied and said we
+were English, whereon they opened their eyes wide and said,
+&ldquo;Anglais,&mdash;mais c&rsquo;est une autre chose,&rdquo;
+and seemed much pleased, for the alliance was then still in full
+favour.&nbsp; It caused them a little disappointment that we were
+Protestants, but they were pleased at being able to tell us that
+there was a Protestant minister higher up the valley which we
+said would &ldquo;do us a great deal of pleasure.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The <i>vin ordinaire</i> was execrable&mdash;they only,
+however, charged us nine sous for it, and on our giving half a
+franc and thinking ourselves exceedingly stingy for not giving a
+whole one, they shouted out &ldquo;Voil&agrave; les Anglais,
+voil&agrave; la generosit&eacute; des Anglais,&rdquo; with
+evident sincerity.&nbsp; I thought to myself that the less we
+English corrupted the primitive simplicity of these good folks
+the better; it was really refreshing to find several people
+protesting about one&rsquo;s generosity for having paid a
+halfpenny more for a bottle of wine than was expected; at
+Mon&ecirc;tier we asked whether many English came there, and they
+told us yes, a great many, there had been fifteen there last
+year, but I should imagine that scarcely fifteen could travel up
+past Cervi&egrave;res, and yet the English character be so little
+known as to be still evidently popular.</p>
+<p>I don&rsquo;t know what o&rsquo;clock it was when we left
+Cervi&egrave;res&mdash;midday I should imagine; we left the river
+on our left and began to ascend a mountain pass called Izouard,
+as far as I could make out, but will not pledge myself to have
+caught the name correctly; it was more lonely than ever, very
+high, much more snow on the top than on the previous day over the
+Col du Lautaret, the path scarcely distinguishable, indeed quite
+lost in many places, very beautiful but not so much so as the Col
+du Lautaret, and better on descending towards Queyras than on
+ascending; from the summit of the pass the view of the several
+Alpine chains about is very fine, but from the entire absence of
+trees of any kind it is more rugged and barren than I altogether
+liked; going down towards Queyras we found the letters S.I.C.
+marked on a rock, evidently with the spike of an
+alpine-stock,&mdash;we wondered whether they stood for St.
+John&rsquo;s College.</p>
+<p>We reached Queyras at about four very tired, for
+yesterday&rsquo;s work was heavy, and refresh ourselves with a
+huge omelette and some good Provence wine.</p>
+<p>Reader, don&rsquo;t go into that <i>auberge</i>, carry up
+provision from Brian&ccedil;on, or at any rate carry the means of
+eating it: they have only two knives in the place, one for the
+landlord and one for the landlady; these are clasp knives, and
+they carry them in their pockets; I used the landlady&rsquo;s, my
+companion had the other; the room was very like a
+cow-house&mdash;dark, wooden, and smelling strongly of manure;
+outside I saw that one of the beams supporting a huge projecting
+balcony that ran round the house was resting on a capital of
+white marble&mdash;a Lombard capital that had evidently seen
+better days, they could not tell us whence it came.&nbsp; Meat
+they have none, so we gorge ourselves with omelette, and at
+half-past five trudge on, for we have a long way to go yet, and
+no alternative but to proceed.</p>
+<p>Abri&egrave;s is the name of the place we stopped at that
+night; it was pitch-dark when we reached it, and the whole town
+was gone to bed, but by great good luck we found a caf&eacute;
+still open (the inn was shut up for the night), and there we
+lodged.&nbsp; I dare not say how many miles we had walked, but we
+were still plucky, and having prevailed at last on the landlord
+to allow us clean sheets on our beds instead of the dirty ones he
+and his wife had been sleeping on since Christmas, and making the
+best of the solitary decanter and pie dish which was all the
+washing implements we were allowed (not a toothmug even extra),
+we had coffee and bread and brandy for supper, and retired at
+about eleven to the soundest sleep in spite of our somewhat
+humble accommodation.&nbsp; If nasty, at any rate it was cheap;
+they charged us a franc a piece for our suppers, beds, and two
+cigars; we went to the inn to breakfast, where, though the
+accommodation was somewhat better, the charge was most
+extortionate.&nbsp; Murray is quite right in saying the
+travellers should bargain beforehand at this inn (<i>chez</i>
+Richard); I think they charged us five francs for the most
+ordinary breakfast.&nbsp; From this place we started at about
+nine, and took a guide as far as the top of the Col de la Croix
+Haute, having too nearly lost our way yesterday; the paths have
+not been traversed much yet, and the mule and sheep droppings are
+but scanty indicators of the direction of paths of which the
+winds and rain have obliterated all other traces.</p>
+<p>The Col de la Croix Haute is rightly named, it was very high,
+but not so hard to ascend until we reached the snow.&nbsp; On the
+Italian side it is terribly steep, from the French side, however,
+the slope is more gradual.&nbsp; The snow was deeper at the top
+of this pass than on either of the two previous days; in many
+places we sank deep in, but had no real difficulty in crossing;
+on the Italian side the snow was gone and the path soon became
+clear enough, so we sent our guide to the right about and trudged
+on alone.</p>
+<p>A sad disappointment, however, awaited us, for instead of the
+clear air that we had heretofore enjoyed, the clouds were rolling
+up from the valley, and we entirely lost the magnificent view of
+the plains of Lombardy which we ought to have seen; this was our
+first mishap, and we bore it heroically.&nbsp; A lunch may be had
+at Prali, and there the Italian tongue will be heard for the
+first time.</p>
+<p>We must have both looked very questionable personages, for I
+remember that a man present asked me for a cigar; I gave him two,
+and he proffered a <i>sou</i> in return as a matter of
+course.</p>
+<p>Shortly below Prali the clouds drew off, or rather we reached
+a lower level, so that they were above us, and now the walnut and
+the chestnut, the oak and the beech have driven away the pines of
+the other side, not that there were many of them; soon, too, the
+vineyards come in, the Indian corn again flourishes everywhere,
+the cherries grow ripe as we descend, and in an hour or two we
+felt to our great joy that we were fairly in Italy.</p>
+<p>The descent is steep beyond compare, for La Tour, which we
+reached by four o&rsquo;clock, is quite on the plain, very much
+on a level with Turin&mdash;I do not remember any descent between
+the two&mdash;and the pass cannot be much under eight thousand
+feet.</p>
+<p>Passports are asked at Bobbio, but the very sight of the
+English name was at that time sufficient to cause the passport to
+be returned unscrutinised.</p>
+<p>La Tour is a Protestant place, or at any rate chiefly so,
+indeed all the way from Cervi&egrave;res we have been among
+people half Protestant and half Romanist; these were the
+Waldenses of the Middle Ages, they are handsome, particularly the
+young women, and I should fancy an honest simple race enough, but
+not over clean.</p>
+<p>As a proof that we were in Italy we happened while waiting for
+table d&rsquo;h&ocirc;te to be leaning over the balcony that ran
+round the house and passed our bedroom door, when a man and a
+girl came out with two large pails in their hands, and we watched
+them proceed to a cart with a barrel in it, which was in a corner
+of the yard; we had been wondering what was in the barrel and
+were glad to see them commence tapping it, when lo! out spouted
+the blood-red wine with which they actually half filled their
+pails before they left the spot.&nbsp; This was as Italy should
+be.&nbsp; After dinner, too, as we stroll in the showy Italian
+sort of piazza near the inn, the florid music which fills the
+whole square, accompanied by a female voice of some pretensions,
+again thoroughly Italianises the scene, and when she struck up
+our English national anthem (with such a bass accompaniment!)
+nothing could be imagined more incongruous.</p>
+<p>Sleeping at La Tour at the hotel kept by M. Gai (which is very
+good, clean, and cheap), we left next morning, i.e. Tuesday, June
+16, at four by diligence for Pinerolo, thence by rail to Turin
+where we spent the day.&nbsp; It was wet and we saw no vestiges
+of the Alps.</p>
+<p>Turin is a very handsome city, very regularly built, the
+streets running nearly all parallel to and at right angles with
+each other; there are no suburbs, and the consequence is that at
+the end of every street one sees the country; the Alps surround
+the city like a horseshoe, and hence many of the streets seem
+actually walled in with a snowy mountain.&nbsp; Nowhere are the
+Alps seen to greater advantage than from Turin.&nbsp; I speak
+from the experience, not of the journey I am describing, but of a
+previous one.&nbsp; From the Superga the view is magnificent, but
+from the hospital for soldiers just above the Po on the eastern
+side of the city the view is very similar, and the city seen to
+greater advantage.&nbsp; The Po is a fine river, but very muddy,
+not like the Ticino which has the advantage of getting washed in
+the Lago Maggiore.&nbsp; On the whole Turin is well worth
+seeing.&nbsp; Leaving it, however, on Wednesday morning we
+arrived at Arona about half-past eleven: the country between the
+two places is flat, but rich and well cultivated: much rice is
+grown, and in consequence the whole country easily capable of
+being laid under water, a thing which I should imagine the
+Piedmontese would not be slow to avail themselves of; we ought to
+have had the Alps as a background to the view, but they were
+still veiled.&nbsp; It was here that a countryman, seeing me with
+one or two funny little pipes which I had bought in Turin, asked
+me if I was a <i>fabricante di pipi</i>&mdash;a pipe-maker.</p>
+<p>By the time that we were at Arona the sun had appeared, and
+the clouds were gone; here, too, we determined to halt for half a
+day, neither of us being quite the thing, so after a visit to the
+colossal statue of San Carlo, which is very fine and imposing, we
+laid ourselves down under the shade of some chestnut trees above
+the lake, and enjoyed the extreme beauty of everything around us,
+until we fell fast asleep, and yet even in sleep we seemed to
+retain a consciousness of the unsurpassable beauty of the
+scene.&nbsp; After dinner (we were stopping at the H&ocirc;tel de
+la Poste, a very nice inn indeed) we took a boat and went across
+the lake to Angera, a little town just opposite; it was in the
+Austrian territory, but they made no delay about admitting us;
+the reason of our excursion was, that we might go and explore the
+old castle there, which is seated on an inconsiderable eminence
+above the lake.&nbsp; It affords an excellent example of Italian
+domestic Gothic of the Middle Ages; San Carlo was born and
+resided here, and, indeed, if saintliness were to depend upon
+beauty of natural scenery, no wonder at his having been a
+saint.</p>
+<p>The castle is only tenanted by an old man who keeps the place;
+we found him cooking his supper over a small crackling fire of
+sticks, which he had lighted in the main hall; his feeble old
+voice chirps about San Carlo this and San Carlo that as we go
+from room to room.&nbsp; We have no carpets here&mdash;plain
+honest brick floors&mdash;the chairs, indeed, have once been
+covered with velvet, but they are now so worn that one can
+scarcely detect that they have been so, the tables warped and
+worm-eaten, the few, that is, that remained there, the shutters
+cracked and dry with the sun and summer of so many hundred
+years&mdash;no Renaissance work here, yet for all that there was
+something about it which made it to me the only really
+pleasurable nobleman&rsquo;s mansion that I have ever been over;
+the view from the top is superb, and then the row home to Arona,
+the twinkling lights softly gleaming in the lake, the bells
+jangling from the tall and gaudy campaniles, the stillness of the
+summer night&mdash;so warm and yet so refreshing on the water;
+hush, there are some people singing&mdash;how sweetly their
+voices are borne to us upon the slight breath of wind that alone
+is stirring; oh, it is a cruel thing to think of war in
+connection with such a spot as this, and yet from this very
+Angera to this very Arona it is that the Austrians have been
+crossing to commence their attack on Sardinia.&nbsp; I fear these
+next summer nights will not be broken with the voice of much
+singing and that we shall have to hush for the roaring of
+cannon.</p>
+<p>I never knew before how melodiously frogs can
+croak&mdash;there is a sweet guttural about some of these that I
+never heard in England: before going to bed, I remember
+particularly one amorous batrachian courting <i>malgr&egrave; sa
+maman</i> regaled us with a lusciously deep rich croak, that
+served as a good accompaniment for the shrill whizzing sound of
+the cigales.</p>
+<p>My space is getting short, but fortunately we are getting on
+to ground better known; I will therefore content myself with
+sketching out the remainder of our tour and leaving the reader to
+Murray for descriptions.</p>
+<p>We left Arona with regret on Thursday morning (June 18), took
+steamer to the Isola Bella, which is an example of how far human
+extravagance and folly can spoil a rock, which had it been left
+alone would have been very beautiful, and thence by a little boat
+went to Baveno; thence we took diligence for Domo d&rsquo;Ossola;
+the weather clouded towards evening and big raindrops beginning
+to descend we thought it better to proceed at once by the same
+diligence over the Simplon; we did not care to walk the pass in
+wet, therefore leaving Domo d&rsquo;Ossola at ten o&rsquo;clock
+that night we arrived at Iselle about two; the weather clearing
+we saw the gorge of Gondo and walked a good way up the pass in
+the early morning by the diligence; breakfasted at Simplon at
+four o&rsquo;clock in the morning, and without waiting a moment
+as soon as we got out at Brieg set off for Visp, which we reached
+at twelve on foot; we washed and dressed there, dined and
+advanced to Leuk, and thence up the most exquisitely beautiful
+road to Leukerbad, which we reached at about eight o&rsquo;clock
+after a very fatiguing day.&nbsp; The H&ocirc;tel de la France is
+clean and cheap.&nbsp; Next morning we left at half-past five
+and, crossing the Gemini, got to Frutigen at half-past one, took
+an open trap after dinner and drove to Interlaken, which we
+reached on the Saturday night at eight o&rsquo;clock, the weather
+first rate; Sunday we rested at Interlaken; on Monday we assailed
+the Wengern Alp, but the weather being pouring wet we halted on
+the top and spent the night there, being rewarded by the most
+transcendent evening view of the Jungfrau, Eiger, and M&ouml;nch
+in the clear cold air seen through a thin veil of
+semi-transparent cloud that was continually scudding across
+them.</p>
+<p>Next morning early we descended to Grindelwald, thence past
+the upper glacier under the Wetterhorn over the Scheidegg to
+Rosenlaui, where we dined and saw the glacier, after dinner,
+descending the valley we visited the falls of Reichenbach (which
+the reader need not do if he means to see those of the Aar at
+Handegg), and leaving Meyringen on our left we recommenced an
+ascent of the valley of the Aar, sleeping at Guttannen, about ten
+miles farther on.</p>
+<p>Next day, i.e. Wednesday, June 24, leaving Guttannen very
+early, passing the falls of Handegg, which are first rate, we
+reached the hospice at nine; had some wine there, and crawled on
+through the snow and up the rocks to the summit of the
+pass&mdash;here we met an old lady, in a blue ugly, with a pair
+of green spectacles, carried in a <i>chaise &agrave; porteur</i>;
+she had taken it into her head in her old age that she would like
+to see a little of the world, and here she was.&nbsp; We had seen
+her lady&rsquo;s maid at the hospice, concerning whom we were
+told that she was &ldquo;bien sage,&rdquo; and did not scream at
+the precipices.&nbsp; On the top of the Gemini, too, at half-past
+seven in the morning, we had met a somewhat similar lady walking
+alone with a blue parasol over the snow; about half an hour after
+we met some porters carrying her luggage, and found that she was
+an invalid lady of Berne, who was walking over to the baths at
+Leukerbad for the benefit of her health&mdash;we scarcely thought
+there could be much occasion&mdash;leaving these two good ladies
+then, let us descend the Grimsel to the bottom of the glacier of
+the Rh&ocirc;ne, and then ascend the Furka&mdash;a stiff pull; we
+got there by two o&rsquo;clock, dined (Italian is spoken here
+again), and finally reached Hospenthal at half-past five after a
+very long day.</p>
+<p>On Thursday walking down to Amstegg and taking a trap to
+Fl&uuml;elen, we then embarked on board a steamer and had a most
+enjoyable ride to Lucerne, where we slept; Friday to Basle by
+rail, walking over the Hauenstein, <a name="citation233a"></a><a
+href="#footnote233a" class="citation">[233a]</a> and getting a
+magnificent panorama (alas! a final one) of the Alps, and from
+Basle to Strasburg, where we ascended the cathedral as far as
+they would let us without special permission from a power they
+called Mary, and then by the night train to Paris, where we
+arrived Saturday morning at ten.</p>
+<p>Left Paris on Sunday afternoon, slept at Dieppe; left Dieppe
+Monday morning, got to London at three o&rsquo;clock or
+thereabouts, and might have reached Cambridge that night had we
+been so disposed; next day came safely home to dear old St.
+John&rsquo;s, cash in hand 7<i>d.</i></p>
+<p>From my window <a name="citation233b"></a><a
+href="#footnote233b" class="citation">[233b]</a> in the cool of
+the summer twilight I look on the umbrageous chestnuts that droop
+into the river; Trinity library rears its stately proportions on
+the left; opposite is the bridge; over that, on the right, the
+thick dark foliage is blackening almost into sombreness as the
+night draws on.&nbsp; Immediately beneath are the arched
+cloisters resounding with the solitary footfall of meditative
+students, and suggesting grateful retirement.&nbsp; I say to
+myself then, as I sit in my open window, that for a continuance I
+would rather have this than any scene I have visited during the
+whole of our most enjoyed tour, and fetch down a Thucydides, for
+I must go to Shilleto at nine o&rsquo;clock to-morrow.</p>
+<h2><a name="page234"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+234</span>Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>This piece and the ten that follow it date
+from Butler&rsquo;s undergraduate days</i>.&nbsp; <i>They were
+preserved by the late Canon Joseph McCormick</i>, <i>who was
+Butler&rsquo;s contemporary at Cambridge and knew him
+well</i>.</p>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>In a letter to</i> <span class="smcap">The
+Times</span>, <i>published</i> 27 <i>June</i>, 1902, <i>shortly
+after Butler&rsquo;s death</i>, <i>Canon McCormick gave some
+interesting details of Butler&rsquo;s Cambridge days</i>.&nbsp;
+&ldquo;<i>I have in my possession</i>,&rdquo; <i>he wrote</i>,
+&ldquo;<i>some of the skits with which he amused himself and some
+of his personal friends</i>.&nbsp; <i>Perhaps the skit professed
+to be a translation from Thucydides</i>, <i>inimitable in its
+way</i>, <i>applied to Johnians in their successes or defeats on
+the river</i>, <i>or it was the</i> &lsquo;<i>Prospectus of the
+Great Split Society</i>,&rsquo; <i>attacking those who wished to
+form narrow or domineering parties in the College</i>, <i>or it
+was a very striking poem on Napoleon in St. Helena</i>, <i>or it
+was a play dealing with a visit to the Paris Exhibition</i>,
+<i>which he sent to</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span>, <i>and
+which</i>, <i>strange to say</i>, <i>the editor never
+inserted</i>, <i>or it was an examination paper set to a gyp of a
+most amusing and clever character</i>.&rdquo;&nbsp; <i>One at
+least of the pieces mentioned by Canon McCormick has
+unfortunately disappeared</i>.&nbsp; <i>Those that have survived
+are here published for what they are worth</i>.&nbsp; <i>There is
+no necessity to apologise for their faults and deficiencies</i>,
+<i>which do not</i>, <i>I think</i>, <i>obscure their value as
+documents illustrating the development of that gift of irony
+which Butler was afterwards to wield with such brilliant
+mastery</i>.&nbsp; &lsquo;<i>Napoleon at St. Helena</i>&rsquo;
+<i>and</i> &lsquo;<i>The Shield of Achilles</i>&rsquo; <i>have
+already appeared in</i> <span class="smcap">The Eagle</span>,
+<i>December</i>, 1902; <i>the</i> &ldquo;<i>Translation from
+Herodotus</i>,&rdquo; &ldquo;<i>The Shield of
+Achilles</i>,&rdquo; &ldquo;<i>The Two Deans II</i>,&rdquo;
+<i>and</i> &ldquo;<i>On the Italian Priesthood</i>,&rdquo;
+<i>in</i> <span class="smcap">The Note-Books of Samuel
+Butler</span>; <i>the</i> &ldquo;<i>Prospectus of the Great Split
+Society</i>&rdquo; <i>and</i> &ldquo;<i>A Skit on
+Examinations</i>&rdquo; <i>in</i> <span class="smcap">The
+Eagle</span>, <i>June</i>, 1913.</p>
+<p><span class="smcap">And</span> the Johnians practise their tub
+in the following manner: They select eight of the most
+serviceable freshmen and put these into a boat, and to each one
+of them they give an oar; and having told them to look at the
+backs of the men before them they make them bend forward as far
+as they can and at the same moment, and having put the end of the
+oar into the water pull it back again in to them about the bottom
+of the ribs; and if any of them does not do this or looks about
+him away from the back of the man before him they curse him in
+the most terrible manner, but if he does what he is bidden they
+immediately cry out:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Well pulled, number so-and-so.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>For they do not call them by their names but by certain
+numbers, each man of them having a number allotted to him in
+accordance with his place in the boat, and the first man they
+call stroke, but the last man bow; and when they have done this
+for about fifty miles they come home again, and the rate they
+travel at is about twenty-five miles an hour; and let no one
+think that this is too great a rate, for I could say many other
+wonderful things in addition concerning the rowing of the
+Johnians, but if a man wishes to know these things he must go and
+examine them himself.&nbsp; But when they have done they contrive
+some such a device as this, for they make them run many miles
+along the side of the river in order that they may accustom them
+to great fatigue, and many of them being distressed in this way
+fall down and die, but those who survive become very strong, and
+receive gifts of cups from the others; and after the revolution
+of a year they have great races with their boats against those of
+the surrounding islanders, but the Johnians, both owing to the
+carefulness of the training and a natural disposition for rowing,
+are always victorious.&nbsp; In this way then the Johnians, I
+say, practise their tub.</p>
+<h2><a name="page237"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 237</span>The
+Shield of Achilles, with Variations</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">And</span> in it he placed the Fitzwilliam
+and King&rsquo;s College Chapel and the lofty towered church of
+the Great Saint Mary, which looketh toward the Senate House, and
+King&rsquo;s Parade and Trumpington Road and the Pitt Press and
+the divine opening of the Market Square and the beautiful flowing
+fountain which formerly Hobson laboured to make with skilful art;
+him did his father beget in the many-public-housed Trumpington
+from a slavey mother, and taught him blameless works; and he, on
+the other hand, sprang up like a young shoot, and many
+beautifully matched horses did he nourish in his stable, which
+used to convey his rich possessions to London and the various
+cities of the world; but oftentimes did he let them out to others
+and whensoever anyone was desirous of hiring one of the
+long-tailed horses, he took them in order so that the labour was
+equal to all, wherefore do men now speak of the choice of the
+renowned Hobson.&nbsp; And in it he placed the close of the
+divine Parker, and many beautiful undergraduates were delighting
+their tender minds upon it playing cricket with one another; and
+a match was being played and two umpires were quarrelling with
+one another; the one saying that the batsman who was playing was
+out, and the other declaring with all his might that he was not;
+and while they two were contending, reviling one another with
+abusive language, a ball came and hit one of them on the nose,
+and the blood flowed out in a stream, and darkness was covering
+his eyes, but the rest were crying out on all sides:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Shy it up.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>And he could not; him then was his companion addressing with
+scornful words:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Arnold, why dost thou strive with me since I am much
+wiser?&nbsp; Did I not see his leg before the wicket and rightly
+declare him to be out?&nbsp; Thee then has Zeus now punished
+according to thy deserts, and I will seek some other umpire of
+the game equally-participated-in-by-both-sides.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>And in it he placed the Cam, and many boats equally rowed on
+both sides were going up and down on the bosom of the
+deep-rolling river, and the coxswains were cheering on the men,
+for they were going to enter the contest of the scratchean fours;
+and three men were rowing together in a boat, strong and stout
+and determined in their hearts that they would either first break
+a blood-vessel or earn for themselves the
+electroplated-Birmingham-manufactured magnificence of a pewter to
+stand on their hall tables in memorial of their strength, and
+from time to time drink from it the exhilarating streams of beer
+whensoever their dear heart should compel them; but the fourth
+was weak and unequally matched with the others, and the coxswain
+was encouraging him and called him by name and spake cheering
+words:</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Smith, when thou hast begun the contest, be not
+flurried nor strive too hard against thy fate; look at the back
+of the man before thee and row with as much strength as the Fates
+spun out for thee on the day when thou fellest between the knees
+of thy mother, neither lose thine oar, but hold it tight with thy
+hands.&rdquo;</p>
+<h2><a name="page239"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+239</span>Prospectus of the Great Split Society</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is the object of this society to
+promote parties and splits in general, and since of late we have
+perceived disunion among friends to be not nearly so ripe as in
+the Bible it is plainly commanded to be, we the members of this
+club have investigated the means of producing, fostering, and
+invigorating strife of all kinds, whereby the society of man will
+be profited much.&nbsp; For in a few hours we can by the means we
+have discovered create so beautiful a dissension between two who
+have lately been friends, that they shall never speak of one
+another again, and their spirit is to be greatly admired and
+praised for this.&nbsp; And since it is the great goddess
+Talebearer who has contributed especially to our success,
+inasmuch as where she is not strife will cease as surely as the
+fire goeth out when there is no wood to feed it, we will erect an
+altar to her and perform monthly rites at her shrine in a manner
+hereafter to be detailed.&nbsp; And all men shall do homage to
+her, for who is there that hath not felt her benefits?&nbsp; And
+the rites shall be of a cheerful character, and all the world
+shall be right merry, and we will write her a hymn and Walmisley
+<a name="citation239"></a><a href="#footnote239"
+class="citation">[239]</a> shall set it to music.&nbsp; And any
+shall be eligible to this society by only changing his name; for
+this is one of its happiest hits, to give a name to each of its
+members arising from some mental peculiarity (which the gods and
+peacemakers call &ldquo;foible&rdquo;), whereby each being
+perpetually kept in mind of this defect and being always willing
+to justify it shall raise a clamour and cause much delight to the
+assembly.</p>
+<p>And we will have suppers once a month both to do honour unto
+Talebearer and to promote her interest.&nbsp; And the society has
+laid down a form of conversation to be used at all such meetings,
+which shall engender quarrellings even in the most unfavourable
+dispositions, and inflame the anger of one and all; and having
+raised it shall set it going and start it on so firm a basis as
+that it may be left safely to work its own way, for there shall
+be no fear of its dying out.</p>
+<p>And the great key to this admirable treasure-house is Self,
+who hath two beautiful children, Self-Love and Self-Pride . . .
+We have also aided our project much by the following contrivance,
+namely, that ten of the society, the same who have the longest
+tongues and ears, shall make a quorum to manage all affairs
+connected with it; and it is difficult to comprehend the amount
+of quarrelling that shall go on at these meetings.</p>
+<p>And the monthly suppers shall be ordered in this way: Each man
+must take at least two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, which shall
+make the wit sharp, or in default thereof one teaspoonful of
+pepper and mustard; for the rest we leave the diet to the
+management of our stewards and bursars, but after the cloth has
+been removed the president shall single out some one of the
+company, and in a calm and friendly manner acquaint him with his
+faults and advise him in what way he may best amend the
+same.&nbsp; The member selected is compelled by the rules to
+remain silent for the space of three minutes, and is then to
+retort and bring up six instances.&nbsp; He is to call the
+present members to witness, and all are to take one side or the
+other, so that none be neutral, and the m&ecirc;l&eacute;e will
+doubtless become general, and we expect that much beautiful
+latent abusive talent will be developed in this way.&nbsp; But
+let all this be done with an air of great politeness, sincerity,
+and goodwill, at least at the commencement, for this, when
+evidently fictitious, is a two-edged sword of irritation.</p>
+<p>And if any grow weak in spirit and retreat from this society,
+and afterwards repent and wish again to join, he shall be
+permitted to do so on condition of repeating the words,
+&ldquo;Oh, ah!&rdquo; &ldquo;Lor!&rdquo; &ldquo;Such is
+life,&rdquo; &ldquo;That&rsquo;s cheerful,&rdquo;
+&ldquo;He&rsquo;s a lively man, is Mr. So-and-so&rdquo; ten times
+over.&nbsp; For these are refreshing and beautiful words and mean
+much (!), they are the emblems of such talent.</p>
+<p>And any members are at liberty to have small meetings among
+themselves, especially to tea, whereat they may enjoy the ever
+fresh and pleasant luxury of scandal and mischief-making, and
+prepare their accusations and taunts for the next general
+meeting; and this is not only permitted but enjoined and
+recommended strongly to all the members.</p>
+<p>And sentences shall be written for the training of any young
+hand who wishes to become one of us, since none can hope to
+arrive at once at the pitch of perfection to which the society
+has brought the art.&nbsp; And if that any should be heard of his
+own free will and invention uttering one or more of these
+sentences and by these means indicate much talent in the required
+direction, he shall be waited on by a committee of the club and
+induced, if possible, to join us, for he will be an acquisition;
+and the sentences required are such as: &ldquo;I think so-and-so
+a very jolly fellow, indeed I don&rsquo;t know a man in the
+college I like better than so-and-so, but I don&rsquo;t care
+twopence about him, at least it is all the same to me whether he
+cuts me or not.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The beauty of this sentence is not at first appreciable, for
+though self-deceit and self-satisfaction are both very powerfully
+demonstrated in it, and though these are some of the
+society&rsquo;s most vehement supporters, yet it is the good
+goddess Talebearer who nourisheth the seed of mischief thus
+sown.</p>
+<p>It is also strictly forbidden by this society&rsquo;s laws to
+form a firm friendship grounded upon esteem and a perception of
+great and good qualities in the object of one&rsquo;s liking, for
+this kind of friendship lasts a long time&mdash;nay, for life;
+but each member must have a furious and passionate running after
+his friend for the time being, insomuch that he could never part
+for an instant from him.&nbsp; And when the society sees this it
+feels comfortable, for it is quite certain that its objects are
+being promoted, for this cannot be brought about by any but
+unnatural means and is the foundation and very soul of
+quarrelling.&nbsp; The stroking of the hair and affectionate
+embracings are much recommended, for they are so manly.</p>
+<p>And at the suppers and the rites of Talebearer each member is
+to drop an anonymous opinion of some other member&rsquo;s
+character into a common letter box, and the president shall read
+them out.&nbsp; Each member is to defend himself; the formula for
+the commencement of each speech being: &ldquo;I know who wrote
+that about me, and it is a very blackguardly thing of him to say
+. . . &rdquo;</p>
+<p>N.B.&mdash;Any number of persons are allowed to speak at the
+same time.&nbsp; By these means it is hoped to restore strife and
+dissension to the world, now alas! so fatally subjugated to a
+mean-spirited thing called Charity, which during the last month
+has been perfectly rampant in the college.&nbsp; Yes, we will
+give a helping hand to bickerings, petty jealousies,
+back-bitings, and all sorts of good things, and will be as jolly
+as ninepence and&mdash;who&rsquo;ll be the first president?</p>
+<h2><a name="page244"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+244</span>Powers</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">But</span>, my son, think not that it is
+necessary for thee to be excellent if thou wouldst be
+powerful.&nbsp; Observe how the lighter substance in nature
+riseth by its own levity and overtoppeth that which is the more
+grave.&nbsp; Even so, my son, mayest thou be light and worthless,
+and yet make a goodly show above those who are of a more
+intrinsic value than thyself.&nbsp; But as much circumspection
+will be necessary for thee to attain this glorious end, and as by
+reason of thy youth thou art liable to miss many of the most able
+and effective means of becoming possessed of it, hear the words
+of an old man and treasure them in thy heart.&nbsp; The required
+qualities, my son, are easily procured; many are naturally gifted
+with them.&nbsp; In order, however, that thou mayest keep them in
+set form in thy mind commit to memory the following list of
+requisites: Love of self, love of show, love of sound, reserve,
+openness, distrust.</p>
+<p>The love of self, which shall chiefly manifest itself in the
+obtaining the best of all things for thyself to the exclusion of
+another, be he who he may; and as meal-times are the fittest
+occasion for the exercise of this necessary quality, I will even
+illustrate my meaning that thou mayest the more plainly
+comprehend me.&nbsp; Suppose that many are congregated to a
+breakfast and there is a dish of kidneys on the table, but not so
+many but what the greater number must go without them, cry out
+with a loud voice, immediately that thou hast perceived them:
+&ldquo;Kidneys!&nbsp; Oh, ah!&nbsp; I say, G., old fellow, give
+us some kidneys.&rdquo;&nbsp; Then will the master of the house
+be pleased that he hath provided something to thy liking, and as
+others from false shame will fear to do the like thou wilt both
+obtain that thy soul desireth, and be looked upon by thy fellows
+as a bold fellow and one who knoweth how to make his way in the
+world, and G. will say immediately: &ldquo;Waiter, take this to
+Mr. Potguts,&rdquo; and he taketh them, and so on, my son, with
+all other meats that are on the table, see thou refrain not from
+one of them, for a large appetite well becometh a power, or if
+not a large one then a dainty one.&nbsp; But if thine appetite be
+small and dainty see thou express contempt for a large eater as
+one inferior to thyself.&nbsp; Or again, my son, if thou art not
+at a banquet but enterest any room where there are many met
+together, see thou take the arm-chair or the best seat or couch,
+or what other place of comfort is in the room; and if there be
+another power in the room as well as thyself see thou fight with
+him for it, and if thou canst by any craft get rid of him an he
+be more thickly set than thyself, see that thou do this openly
+and with a noise, that all men may behold and admire thee, for
+they will fear thee and yield and not venture to reprove thee
+openly; and so long as they dare not, all will be well.&nbsp;
+Nevertheless I would have thee keep within certain bounds, lest
+men turn upon thee if thy rule is too oppressive to be
+borne.&nbsp; And under this head I would class also the care and
+tending of the sick; for in the first place the sick have many
+delicacies which those who are sound have not, so that if thou
+lay the matter well, thou mayest obtain the lion&rsquo;s share of
+these things also.&nbsp; But more particularly the minds of men
+being weak and easily overpowered when they are in sickness, thou
+shalt obtain much hold over them, and when they are well (whether
+thou didst really comfort them or not) they will fear to say
+aught against thee, lest men shall accuse them of
+ingratitude.&nbsp; But above all see thou do this openly and in
+the sight of men, who thinking in consequence that thy heart is
+very soft and amiable notwithstanding a few outward defects, will
+not fail to commend thee and submit to thee the more readily, and
+so on all counts thou art the gainer, and it will serve thee as
+an excuse with the authorities for the neglect or breach of
+duty.&nbsp; But all this is the work of an exceedingly refined
+and clever power and not absolutely necessary, but I have named
+it as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but
+nevertheless the more firmly settled upon the neck of thy
+fellows.&nbsp; So much then for the love of self.</p>
+<p>As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy
+dress, in the trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy
+walk and carriage, in the company thou keepest, seeing that thou
+go with none but powers or men of wealth or men of title, and
+caring not so much for men of parts, since these commonly deal
+less in the exterior and are not fit associates, for thou canst
+have nothing in common with them.&nbsp; When thou goest to thy
+dinner let a time elapse, so that thine entry may cause a noise
+and a disturbance, and when after much bustling thou hast taken
+thy seat, say not: &ldquo;Waiter, will you order me green peas
+and a glass of college,&rdquo; but say: &ldquo;Waiter (and then a
+pause), peas,&rdquo; and then suffer him to depart, and when he
+hath gone some little way recall him with a loud voice, which
+shall reach even unto the ears of the fellows, say, &ldquo;and,
+waiter, college&rdquo;; and when they are brought unto thee
+complain bitterly of the same.&nbsp; When thou goest to chapel
+talk much during the service, or pray much; do not the thing by
+halves; thou must either be the very religious power, which kind
+though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the greater
+advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou
+combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let
+thy religion be the same to the same men.&nbsp; Always, if thou
+be a careless power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit
+with the other powers and converse with them on the behaviour of
+others or any other light and agreeable topic.&nbsp; And, as I
+said above, under this love of show thou must include the choice
+of thine acquaintance, and as it is not possible for thee to
+order it so as not to have knowledge of certain men whom it will
+not be convenient for thee to know at all times and in all
+places, see thou cultivate those two excellent defects of both
+sight and hearing which will enable thee to pass one thou wouldst
+not meet, without seeing him or hearing his salutation.&nbsp; If
+thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who is somewhat rustic or
+uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an excellent heart,
+know him in private in thine individual capacity, but when thou
+art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he
+were a venomous thing and deadly.&nbsp; Again, if thou sittest at
+table with a man at the house of a friend and laughest and
+talkest with him and playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in
+respect of externals see thou pass him the next day without a
+smile, even though he may have prepared his countenance for a
+thousand grins; but if in the house of the same friend or another
+thou shouldst happen to stumble upon him, deal with him as though
+thy previous conversation had broken off but five minutes
+previously; but should he be proud and have all nothing to say
+unto thee, forthwith calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a
+sorry-spirited fellow and mean.</p>
+<p>And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous,
+it is not necessary so much for the power as for the fast man,
+for the power is a more calculating and thoughtful being than
+this one; but if thou smokest, see that others know it; smoke
+cigars if thou canst afford them; if not, say thou wonderest at
+such as do, for to thy liking a pipe is better.&nbsp; And with
+regard to all men except thine own favoured and pre-eminent
+clique, designate them as &ldquo;cheerful,&rdquo;
+&ldquo;lively,&rdquo; or use some other ironical term with regard
+to them.&nbsp; So much then for the love of show.</p>
+<p>And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is
+but a portion of the love of show, but so necessary for him who
+would be admired without being at the same time excellent and
+worthy of admiration as to deserve a separate heading to
+itself.&nbsp; At meal-times talk loudly, laugh loudly, condemn
+loudly; if thou sneezest sneeze loudly; if thou call the waiter
+do so with a noise and, if thou canst, while he is speaking to
+another and receiving orders from him; it will be a convenient
+test of thine advance to see whether he will at once quit the
+other in the midst of his speech with him and come to thee, or
+will wait until the other hath done; if thou handle it well he
+will come to thee at once.&nbsp; When others are in their rooms,
+as thou passeth underneath their windows, sing loudly and all men
+will know that a power goeth by and will hush accordingly; if
+thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much, if a bad one,
+care not so long as it be a loud one; but above all be it
+remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when
+with powers greater than thyself, for this damneth
+much&mdash;even powers being susceptible of awe, when they shall
+behold one resolutely bent to out-top them, and thinking it
+advisable to lend such an one a helping hand lest he overthrow
+them&mdash;but if thy voice be not a loud one, thou hadst better
+give up at once the hope of rising to a height by thine own
+skill, but must cling to and flatter those who have, and if thou
+dost this well thou wilt succeed.</p>
+<p>And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment,
+though of great help in the origin, yet are they not necessary;
+but the more thou lackest physical and mental powers the more
+must thou cling to the powerful and rise with them; the more
+careful must thou be of thy dress, and the more money will it
+cost thee, for thou must fill well the bladders that keep thee on
+the surface, else wilt thou sink.</p>
+<p>And of reserve, let no man know anything about thee.&nbsp; If
+thy father is a greengrocer, as I dare say is the case with some
+of the most mighty powers in the land, what matter so long as
+another knoweth it not?&nbsp; See that thou quell all inquisitive
+attempts to discover anything about thine habits, thy country,
+thy parentage, and, in a word, let no one know anything of thee
+beyond the exterior; for if thou dost let them within thy soul,
+they will find but little, but if it be barred and locked, men
+will think that by reason of thy strong keeping of the same, it
+must contain much; and they will admire thee upon credit.</p>
+<p>And of openness, be reserved in the particular, open in the
+general; talk of debts, of women, of money, but say not what
+debts, what women, or what money; be most open when thou doest a
+shabby thing, which thou knowest will not escape detection.&nbsp;
+If thy coat is bad, laugh and boast concerning it, call attention
+to it and say thou hast had it for ten years, which will be a
+lie, but men will nevertheless think thee frank, but run not the
+risk of wearing a bad coat, save only in vacation time or in the
+country.&nbsp; But when thou doest a shabby thing which will not
+reach the general light, breathe not a word of it, but bury it
+deeply in some corner of thine own knowledge only; if it come
+out, glory in it; if not, let it sleep, for it is an unprofitable
+thing to turn over bad ground.</p>
+<p>And of distrust, distrust all men, most of all thine own
+friends; they will know thee best, and thou them; thy real worth
+cannot escape them, think not then that thou wilt get service out
+of them in thy need, think not that they will deny themselves
+that thou mayest be saved from want, that they will in after life
+put out a finger to save thee, when thou canst be of no more use
+to them, the clique having been broken up by time.&nbsp; Nay, but
+be in thyself sufficient; distrust, and lean not so much as an
+ounce-weight upon another.</p>
+<p>These things keep and thou shalt do well; keep them all and
+thou wilt be perfect; the more thou keep, the more nearly wilt
+thou arrive at the end I proposed to thee at the commencement,
+and even if thou doest but one of these things thoroughly, trust
+me thou wilt still have much power over thy fellows.</p>
+<h2><a name="page251"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 251</span>A
+Skit on Examinations</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>It should be explained that Tom Bridges was
+a gyp at St. John&rsquo;s College</i>, <i>during Butler&rsquo;s
+residence at Cambridge</i>.</p>
+<p><span class="smcap">We</span> now come to the most eventful
+period in Mr. Bridges&rsquo; life: we mean the time when he was
+elected to the shoe-black scholarship, compared with which all
+his previous honours sank into insignificance.</p>
+<p>Mr. Bridges had long been desirous of becoming a candidate for
+this distinction, but, until the death of Mr. Leader, no vacancy
+having occurred among the scholars, he had as yet had no
+opportunity of going in for it.&nbsp; The income to be derived
+from it was not inconsiderable, and as it led to the porter
+fellowship the mere pecuniary value was not to be despised, but
+thirst of fame and the desire of a more public position were the
+chief inducements to a man of Mr. Bridges&rsquo; temperament, in
+which ambition and patriotism formed so prominent a part.&nbsp;
+Latin, however, was not Mr. Bridges&rsquo; forte; he excelled
+rather in the higher branches of arithmetic and the abstruse
+sciences.&nbsp; His attainments, however, in the dead languages
+were beyond those of most of his contemporaries, as the letter he
+sent to the Master and Seniors will abundantly prove.&nbsp; It
+was chiefly owing to the great reverence for genius shown by Dr.
+Tatham that these letters have been preserved to us, as that
+excellent man, considering that no circumstance connected with
+Mr. Bridges&rsquo; celebrity could be justly consigned to
+oblivion, rescued these valuable relics from the Bedmaker, as she
+was on the point of using them to light the fire.&nbsp; By him
+they were presented to the author of this memoir, who now for the
+first time lays them before the public.&nbsp; The first was to
+the Master himself, and ran as follows:&mdash;</p>
+<blockquote><p>Reverende Sir,</p>
+<p>Possum bene blackere shoas, et locus shoe-blackissis vacuus
+est.&nbsp; Makee me shoeblackum si hoc tibi placeat, precor te,
+quia desidero hoc locum.</p>
+<p style="text-align: right">Your very humble servant,<br />
+<span class="smcap">Thomasus Bridgessus</span>.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>We subjoin Mr. Bridges&rsquo; autograph.&nbsp; The reader will
+be astonished to perceive its resemblance to that of Napoleon I,
+with whom he was very intimate, and with anecdotes of whom he
+used very frequently to amuse his masters.&nbsp; We add that of
+Napoleon.</p>
+<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Thomas
+Bridges</span></p>
+<p style="text-align: center"><span
+class="smcap">Napoleon</span></p>
+<p>The second letter was to the Senior Bursar, who had often
+before proved himself a friend to Mr. Bridges, and did not fail
+him in this instance.</p>
+<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Bursare Senior</span>,</p>
+<p>Ego humiliter begs pardonum te becausus quaereri dignitatum
+shoeblacki and credo me getturum esse hoc locum.</p>
+<p style="text-align: right">Your humble servant,<br />
+<span class="smcap">Thomasus Bridgessus</span>.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>Shortly afterwards Mr. Bridges was called upon, with six other
+competitors, to attend in the Combination Room, and the following
+papers were submitted to him.</p>
+<h3>I</h3>
+<p>1.&nbsp; Derive the word &ldquo;blacking.&rdquo;&nbsp; What
+does Paley say on this subject?&nbsp; Do you, or do you not,
+approve of Paley&rsquo;s arguments, and why?&nbsp; Do you think
+that Paley knew anything at all about it?</p>
+<p>2.&nbsp; Who were Day and Martin?&nbsp; Give a short sketch of
+their lives, and state their reasons for advertising their
+blacking on the Pyramids.&nbsp; Do you approve of the advertising
+system in general?</p>
+<p>3.&nbsp; Do you consider the Japanese the original inventors
+of blacking?&nbsp; State the principal ingredients of blacking,
+and give a chemical analysis of the following substances:
+Sulphate of zinc, nitrate of silver, potassium, copperas and
+corrosive sublimate.</p>
+<p>4.&nbsp; Is blacking an effective remedy against
+hydrophobia?&nbsp; Against cholera?&nbsp; Against lock-jaw?&nbsp;
+And do you consider it as valuable an instrument as burnt corks
+in playing tricks upon a drunken man?</p>
+
+<div class="gapshortline">&nbsp;</div>
+<p>This was the Master&rsquo;s paper.&nbsp; The Mathematical
+Lecturer next gave him a few questions, of which the most
+important were:&mdash;</p>
+<h3>II</h3>
+<p>1.&nbsp; Prove that the shoe may be represented by an equation
+of the fifth degree.&nbsp; Find the equation to a man blacking a
+shoe: (1) in rectangular co-ordinates; (2) in polar
+co-ordinates.</p>
+<p>2.&nbsp; A had 500 shoes to black every day, but being unwell
+for two days he had to hire a substitute, and paid him a third of
+the wages per shoe which he himself received.&nbsp; Had A been
+ill two days longer there would have been the devil to pay; as it
+was he actually paid the sum of the geometrical series found by
+taking the first <i>n</i> letters of the substitute&rsquo;s
+name.&nbsp; How much did A pay the substitute?&nbsp; (Answer,
+13<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i>)</p>
+<p>3.&nbsp; Prove that the scraping-knife should never be a
+secant, and the brush always a tangent to a shoe.</p>
+<p>4.&nbsp; Can you distinguish between <i>meum</i> and
+<i>tuum</i>?&nbsp; Prove that their values vary inversely as the
+propinquity of the owners.</p>
+<p>5.&nbsp; How often should a shoe-black ask his master for beer
+notes?&nbsp; Interpret a negative result.</p>
+<h2><a name="page255"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 255</span>An
+Eminent Person</h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">Among</span> the eminent persons deceased
+during the past week we have to notice Mr. Arthur Ward, the
+author of the very elegant treatise on the penny whistle.&nbsp;
+Mr. Ward was rather above the middle height, inclined to be
+stout, and had lost a considerable portion of his hair.&nbsp; Mr.
+Ward did not wear spectacles, as asserted by a careless and
+misinformed contemporary.&nbsp; Mr. Ward was a man of great
+humour and talent; many of his sayings will be treasured up as
+household words among his acquaintance, for instance,
+&ldquo;Lor!&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Oh, ah!&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;Sech
+is life.&rdquo;&nbsp; &ldquo;That&rsquo;s cheerful.&rdquo;&nbsp;
+&ldquo;He&rsquo;s a lively man is Mr. . . . &rdquo;&nbsp; His
+manners were affable and agreeable, and his playful gambols
+exhibited an agility scarcely to be expected from a man of his
+stature.&nbsp; On Thursday last Mr. Ward was dining off
+beef-steak pie when a bit of gristle, unfortunately causing him
+to cough, brought on a fit of apoplexy, the progress of which no
+medical assistance was able to arrest.&nbsp; It is understood
+that the funeral arrangements have been entrusted to our very
+respectable fellow-townsman Mr. Smith, and will take place on
+Monday.</p>
+<h2><a name="page256"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+256</span>Napoleon at St. Helena</h2>
+<p class="poetry">I see a warrior &rsquo;neath a willow tree;<br
+/>
+His arms are folded, and his full fixed eye<br />
+Is gazing on the sky.&nbsp; The evening breeze<br />
+Blows on him from the sea, and a great storm<br />
+Is rising.&nbsp; Not the storm nor evening breeze,<br />
+Nor the dark sea, nor the sun&rsquo;s parting beam<br />
+Can move him; for in yonder sky he sees<br />
+The picture of his life, in yonder clouds<br />
+That rush towards each other he beholds<br />
+The mighty wars that he himself hath waged.<br />
+Blow on him, mighty storm; beat on him, rain;<br />
+You cannot move his folded arms nor turn<br />
+His gaze one second from the troubled sky.<br />
+Hark to the thunder!&nbsp; To him it is not thunder;<br />
+It is the noise of battles and the din<br />
+Of cannons on the field of Austerlitz,<br />
+The sky to him is the whole world disturbed<br />
+By war and rumours of great wars.<br />
+He tumbled like a thunderbolt from heaven<br />
+Upon the startled earth, and as he came<br />
+The round world leapt from out her usual course<br />
+And thought her time was come.&nbsp; Beat on him, rain;<br />
+And roar about him, O thou voice of thunder.<br />
+But what are ye to him?&nbsp; O more to him<br />
+Than all besides.&nbsp; To him ye are himself,<br />
+He knows it and your voice is lovely to him.<br />
+Hath brought the warfare to a close.<br />
+The storm is over; one terrific crash<br />
+Now, now he feels it, and he turns away;<br />
+His arms are now unfolded, and his hands<br />
+Pressed to his face conceal a warrior&rsquo;s tears.<br />
+He flings himself upon the springing grass,<br />
+And weeps in agony.&nbsp; See, again he rises;<br />
+His brow is calm, and all his tears are gone.<br />
+The vision now is ended, and he saith:<br />
+&ldquo;Thou storm art hushed for ever.&nbsp; Not again<br />
+Shall thy great voice be heard.&nbsp; Unto thy rest<br />
+Thou goest, never never to return.<br />
+I thank thee, that for one brief hour alone<br />
+Thou hast my bitter agonies assuaged;<br />
+Another storm may scare the frightened heavens,<br />
+And like to me may rise and fill<br />
+The elements with terror.&nbsp; I, alas!<br />
+Am blotted out as though I had not been,<br />
+And am become as though I was not born.<br />
+My day is over, and my night is come&mdash;<br />
+A night which brings no rest, nor quiet dreams,<br />
+Nor calm reflections, nor repose from toil,<br />
+But pain and sorrow, anguish never ceasing,<br />
+With dark uncertainty, despair and pain,<br />
+And death&rsquo;s wide gate before me.&nbsp; Fare ye well!<br />
+The sky is clear and the world at rest;<br />
+Thou storm and I have but too much in common.&rdquo;</p>
+<h2><a name="page258"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 258</span>The
+Two Deans</h2>
+<h3>I</h3>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Williams</span>, I like
+thee, amiable divine!<br />
+No milk-and-water character is thine.<br />
+A lay more lovely should thy worth attend<br />
+Than my poor muse, alas! hath power to lend.<br />
+Shall I describe thee as thou late didst sit,<br />
+The gater gated and the biter bit,<br />
+When impious hands at the dead hour of night<br />
+Forbade the way and made the barriers tight?<br />
+Next morn I heard their impious voices sing;<br />
+All up the stairs their blasphemies did ring:<br />
+&ldquo;Come forth, O Williams, wherefore thus supine<br />
+Remain within thy chambers after nine?<br />
+Come forth, suffer thyself to be admired,<br />
+And blush not so, coy dean, to be desired.&rdquo;<br />
+The captive churchman chafes with empty rage,<br />
+Till some knight-errant free him from his cage.<br />
+Pale fear and anger sit upon yon face<br />
+Erst full of love and piety and grace,<br />
+But not pale fear nor anger will undo<br />
+The iron might of gimlet and of screw.<br />
+Grin at the window, Williams, all is vain;<br />
+The carpenter will come and let thee out again.<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Contrast with him the countenance serene<br />
+And sweet remonstrance of the junior dean;<br />
+<a name="page259"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 259</span>The
+plural number and the accents mild,<br />
+The language of a parent to a child.<br />
+With plaintive voice the worthy man doth state,<br />
+We&rsquo;ve not been very regular of late.<br />
+It should more carefully its chapels keep,<br />
+And not make noises to disturb our sleep<br />
+By having suppers and at early hours<br />
+Raising its lungs unto their utmost powers.<br />
+We&rsquo;ll put it, if it makes a noise again,<br />
+On gatesey patsems at the hour of ten;<br />
+And leafy peafy it will turn I&rsquo;m sure,<br />
+And never vex its own dear Sharpey more.</p>
+<h3>II</h3>
+<p class="gutsumm"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>.&mdash;<i>The
+Court of St. John&rsquo;s College</i>, <i>Cambridge</i>.&nbsp;
+<i>Enter the two Deans on their way to morning chapel</i>.</p>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Junior Dean</span>.&nbsp;
+Brother, I am much pleased with Samuel Butler,<br />
+I have observed him mightily of late;<br />
+Methinks that in his melancholy walk<br />
+And air subdued whene&rsquo;er he meeteth me<br />
+Lurks something more than in most other men.</p>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Senior Dean</span>.&nbsp;
+It is a good young man.&nbsp; I do bethink me<br />
+That once I walked behind him in the cloister;<br />
+He saw me not, but whispered to his fellow:<br />
+&ldquo;Of all men who do dwell beneath the moon<br />
+I love and reverence most the senior Dean.&rdquo;</p>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Junior Dean</span>.&nbsp;
+One thing is passing strange, and yet I know not<br />
+How to condemn it, but in one plain brief word<br />
+He never comes to Sunday morning chapel.<br />
+Methinks he teacheth in some Sunday-school,<br />
+Feeding the poor and starveling intellect<br />
+With wholesome knowledge, or on the Sabbath morn<br />
+He loves the country and the neighbouring spire<br />
+Of Madingley or Coton, or perchance<br />
+Amid some humble poor he spends the day,<br />
+Conversing with them, learning all their cares,<br />
+Comforting them and easing them in sickness.</p>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Senior Dean</span>.&nbsp; I
+will advance him to some public post,<br />
+He shall be chapel clerk, some day a Fellow,<br />
+Some day perhaps a Dean, but as thou say&rsquo;st<br />
+He is indeed an excellent young man&mdash;</p>
+<p><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Butler</span>
+<i>suddenly</i>, <i>without a coat or anything on his head</i>,
+<i>rushing through the cloisters</i>, <i>bearing a cup</i>, <i>a
+bottle of cider</i>, <i>four lemons</i>, <i>two nutmegs</i>,
+<i>half a pound of sugar and a nutmeg grater</i>.</p>
+<p><i>Curtain falls on the confusion of</i> <span
+class="smcap">Butler</span> <i>and the horror-stricken dismay of
+the two Deans</i>.</p>
+<h2><a name="page261"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 261</span>The
+Battle of Alma Mater</h2>
+<h3>I</h3>
+<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">The</span> Temperance
+commissioners<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; In awful conclave sat,<br />
+Their noses into this to poke<br />
+To poke them into that&mdash;<br />
+In awful conclave sat they,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And swore a solemn oath,<br />
+That snuff should make no Briton sneeze,<br />
+That smokers all to smoke should cease,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; They swore to conquer both.</p>
+<h3>II</h3>
+<p class="poetry">Forth went a great Teetotaller,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; With pamphlet armed and pen,<br />
+He travelled east, he travelled west,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Tobacco to condemn.<br />
+At length to Cantabrigia,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; To move her sons to shame,<br />
+Foredoomed to chaff and insult,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; That gallant hero came.</p>
+<h3>III</h3>
+<p class="poetry">&rsquo;Tis Friday: to the Guildhall<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Come pouring in apace<br />
+The gownsmen and the townsmen<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Right thro&rsquo; the market place&mdash;<br />
+They meet, these bitter foemen<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Not enemies but friends&mdash;<br />
+Then fearless to the rostrum,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; The Lecturer ascends.</p>
+<h3>IV</h3>
+<p class="poetry">He cursed the martyr&rsquo;d Raleigh,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; He cursed the mild cigar,<br />
+He traced to pipe and cabbage leaf<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Consumption and catarrh;<br />
+He railed at simple bird&rsquo;s-eye,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; By freshmen only tried,<br />
+And with rude and bitter jest assailed<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; The yard of clay beside.</p>
+<h3>V</h3>
+<p class="poetry">When suddenly full twenty pipes,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And weeds full twenty more<br />
+Were seen to rise at signal,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Where none were seen before.<br />
+No mouth but puffed out gaily<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; A cloud of yellow fume,<br />
+And merrily the curls of smoke<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Went circling &rsquo;thro the room.</p>
+<h3>VI</h3>
+<p class="poetry">In vain th&rsquo; indignant mayor harangued,<br
+/>
+&nbsp;&nbsp; A mighty chandler he!<br />
+While peas his hoary head around<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; They whistled pleasantly.<br />
+In vain he tenderly inquired,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; &rsquo;Mid many a wild &ldquo;hurrah!&rdquo;<br />
+&ldquo;Of this what father dear would think,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Of that what dear mamma?&rdquo;</p>
+<h3>VII</h3>
+<p class="poetry">In rushed a host of peelers,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; With a sergeant at the head,<br />
+Jaggard to every kitchen known,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Of missuses the dread.<br />
+In rushed that warlike multitude,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Like bees from out their hive,<br />
+With Fluffy of the squinting eye,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And fighting No. 5.</p>
+<h3>VIII</h3>
+<p class="poetry">Up sprang Inspector Fluffy,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Up Sergeant Jaggard rose,<br />
+And playfully with staff he tapped<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; A gownsman on the nose.<br />
+As falls a thundersmitten oak,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; The valiant Jaggard fell,<br />
+With a line above each ogle,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And a &ldquo;mouse&rdquo; or two as well.</p>
+<h3>IX</h3>
+<p class="poetry">But hark! the cry is
+&ldquo;Smuffkins!&rdquo;<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And loud the gownsmen cheer,<br />
+And lo! a stalwart Johnian<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Comes jostling from the rear:<br />
+He eyed the flinching peelers,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; He aimed a deadly blow,<br />
+Then quick before his fist went down<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Inspector, Marshal, Peelers, Town,<br />
+While fiercer fought the joyful Gown,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; To see the claret flow.</p>
+<h3>X</h3>
+<p class="poetry">They run, they run! to win the door<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; The vanquished peelers flew;<br />
+They left the sergeant&rsquo;s hat behind,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; And the lecturer&rsquo;s surtout:<br />
+Now by our Lady Margaret,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; It was a goodly sight,<br />
+To see that routed multitude<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Swept down the tide of flight.</p>
+<h3>XI</h3>
+<p class="poetry">Then hurrah! for gallant Smuffkins,<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; For Cantabs one hurrah!<br />
+Like wolves in quest of prey they scent<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; A peeler from afar.<br />
+Hurrah! for all who strove and bled<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; For liberty and right,<br />
+What time within the Guildhall<br />
+&nbsp;&nbsp; Was fought the glorious fight.</p>
+<h2><a name="page265"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 265</span>On
+the Italian Priesthood</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>This an adaptation of the following
+epigram</i>, <i>which appeared in Giuseppe Giusti&rsquo;s</i>
+<span class="smcap">Raccolta di Proverbi Toscani</span>
+(<i>Firenze</i>, 1853)</p>
+<blockquote><p><i>Con arte e con inganno si vive mezzo
+l&rsquo;anno</i><br />
+<i>Con inganno e con arte si vive l&rsquo;altra parte</i>.</p>
+<p>In knavish art and gathering gear<br />
+They spend the one half of the year;<br />
+In gathering gear and knavish art<br />
+They somehow spend the other part.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<h2><a name="page266"></a><span class="pagenum">p.
+266</span>Samuel Butler and the Simeonites</h2>
+<p class="gutsumm"><i>The following article</i>, <i>which
+originally appeared in the</i> <span class="smcap">Cambridge
+Magazine</span>, 1 <i>March</i>, 1913, <i>is by Mr. A. T.
+Bartholomew</i>, <i>of the University Library</i>,
+<i>Cambridge</i>, <i>who has most kindly allowed me to include it
+in the present volume</i>.&nbsp; <i>Mr. Bartholomew&rsquo;s
+discovery of Samuel Butler&rsquo;s parody of the Simeonite tract
+throws a most interesting light upon a curious passage in</i>
+<span class="smcap">The Way of all Flesh</span>, <i>and it is a
+great pleasure to me to be able to give Butlerians the story of
+Mr. Bartholomew&rsquo;s</i> &ldquo;<i>find</i>&rdquo; <i>in his
+own words</i>.</p>
+<p><span class="smcap">Readers</span> of Samuel Butler&rsquo;s
+remarkable story <i>The Way of All Flesh</i> will probably recall
+his description of the Simeonites (chap. xlvii), who still
+flourished at Cambridge when Ernest Pontifex was up at
+Emmanuel.&nbsp; Ernest went down in 1858; so did Butler.&nbsp;
+Throughout the book the spiritual and intellectual life and
+development of Ernest are drawn from Butler&rsquo;s own
+experience.</p>
+<p>&ldquo;The one phase of spiritual activity which had any life
+in it during the time Ernest was at Cambridge was connected with
+the name of Simeon.&nbsp; There were still a good many
+Simeonites, or as they were more briefly called
+&lsquo;Sims,&rsquo; in Ernest&rsquo;s time.&nbsp; Every college
+contained some of them, but their head-quarters were at Caius,
+whither they were attracted by Mr. Clayton, who was at that time
+senior tutor, and among the sizars of St. John&rsquo;s.&nbsp;
+Behind the then chapel of this last-named college was a
+&lsquo;labyrinth&rsquo; (this was the name it bore) of dingy,
+tumble-down rooms,&rdquo; and here dwelt many Simeonites,
+&ldquo;unprepossessing in feature, gait, and manners, unkempt and
+ill-dressed beyond what can be easily described.&nbsp; Destined
+most of them for the Church, the Simeonites held themselves to
+have received a very loud call to the ministry . . . They would
+be instant in season and out of season in imparting spiritual
+instruction to all whom they could persuade to listen to
+them.&nbsp; But the soil of the more prosperous undergraduates
+was not suitable for the seed they tried to sow.&nbsp; When they
+distributed tracts, dropping them at night into good men&rsquo;s
+letter boxes while they were asleep, their tracts got burnt, or
+met with even worse contumely.&rdquo;&nbsp; For Ernest Pontifex
+&ldquo;they had a repellent attraction; he disliked them, but he
+could not bring himself to leave them alone.&nbsp; On one
+occasion he had gone so far as to parody one of the tracts they
+had sent round in the night, and to get a copy dropped into each
+of the leading Simeonites&rsquo; boxes.&nbsp; The subject he had
+taken was &lsquo;Personal Cleanliness.&rsquo;&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Some years ago I found among the Cambridge papers in the late
+Mr. J. W. Clark&rsquo;s collection three printed pieces bearing
+on the subject.&nbsp; The first is a genuine Simeonite tract; the
+other two are parodies.&nbsp; All three are anonymous.&nbsp; At
+the top of the second parody is written &ldquo;By S.
+Butler.&nbsp; March 31.&rdquo;&nbsp; It will be necessary to give
+a few quotations from the Simeonite utterance in order to bring
+out the full flavour of Butler&rsquo;s parody, which is given
+entire.&nbsp; Butler went up to St. John&rsquo;s in October,
+1854; so at the time of writing this squib he was in his second
+term, and 18 years of age.</p>
+<p style="text-align: right">A. T. B.</p>
+<p>I.&mdash;<i>Extracts from the sheet dated</i> &ldquo;<i>St.
+John&rsquo;s College</i>, <i>March</i> 13<i>th</i>,
+1855.&rdquo;&nbsp; <i>In a manuscript note this is stated to be
+by Ynyr Lamb</i>, <i>of St. John&rsquo;s</i> (<i>B.A.</i>,
+1862).</p>
+<p>1.&nbsp; When a celebrated French king once showed the infidel
+philosopher Hume into his carriage, the latter at once leaped in,
+on which his majesty remarked: &ldquo;That&rsquo;s the most
+accomplished man living.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>It is impossible to presume enough on Divine grace; this kind
+of presumption is the characteristic of Heaven. . .</p>
+<p>2.&nbsp; Religion is not an obedience to external forms or
+observances, but &ldquo;a bold leap in the dark into the arms of
+an affectionate Father.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>4.&nbsp; However Church Music may raise the devotional
+feelings, these bring a man not one iota nearer to Christ,
+neither is it acceptable in His sight.</p>
+<p>13.&nbsp; The <i>one</i> thing needful is Faith: Faith =
+&frac14; (historical faith) + &frac34; (heart-belief, or
+assurance, or justification) 1&frac34; peace; and
+peace=L<sup>n</sup> Trust - care+joy
+<sup><i>n</i></sup><sup>-</sup><sup><i>r</i></sup><sup>+1</sup></p>
+<p>18.&nbsp; The Lord&rsquo;s church has been always peculiarly
+tried at different stages of history, and each era will have its
+peculiar glory in eternity. . . . At the present time the trial
+for the church is peculiar; never before, perhaps, were the
+insinuations of the adversary so plausible and artful&mdash;his
+ingenuity so subtle&mdash;himself so much an angel of
+light&mdash;experience has sharpened his
+wit&mdash;&ldquo;<i>While men slept</i> the enemy sowed
+tares&rdquo;&mdash;he is now the base hypocrite&mdash;he suits
+his blandishments to all&mdash;the Church is lulled in the arms
+of the monster, rolling the sweet morsel under her tongue . .
+.</p>
+<h3>II.&mdash;<i>Samuel Butler&rsquo;s Parody</i></h3>
+<p>1.&nbsp; Beware!&nbsp; Beware!&nbsp; Beware!&nbsp; The enemy
+sowed tracts in the night, and the righteous men tremble.</p>
+<p>2.&nbsp; There are only 10 good men in John&rsquo;s; I am one;
+reader, calculate your chance of salvation.</p>
+<p>3.&nbsp; The genuine recipe for the leaven of the Pharisees is
+still extant, and runs as follows:&mdash;Self-deceit &#8531; +
+want of charity &frac12; + outward show &#8531;, humbug &infin;,
+insert Sim or not as required.&nbsp; Reader, let each one who
+would seem to be righteous take unto himself this leaven.</p>
+<p>4.&nbsp; &ldquo;The University Church is a place too much
+neglected by the young men up here.&rdquo;&nbsp; Thus said the
+learned Selwyn, <a name="citation269"></a><a href="#footnote269"
+class="citation">[269]</a> and he said well.&nbsp; How far better
+would it be if each man&rsquo;s own heart was a little University
+Church, the pericardium a little University churchyard, wherein
+are buried the lust of the flesh, the pomps and vanities of this
+wicked world; the veins and arteries, little clergymen and
+bishops ministering therein; and the blood a stream of soberness,
+temperance and chastity perpetually flowing into it.</p>
+<p>5.&nbsp; The deluge went before, misery followed after, in the
+middle came a Puseyite playing upon an organ.&nbsp; Reader, flee
+from him, for he playeth his own soul to damnation.</p>
+<p>6.&nbsp; Church music is as the whore of Babylon, or the
+ramping lion who sought whom he might devour; music in a church
+cannot be good, when St. Paul bade those who were merry to sing
+psalms.&nbsp; Music is but tinkling brass, and sounding cymbals,
+which is what St. Paul says he should himself be, were he without
+charity; he evidently then did not consider music desirable.</p>
+<p>7.&nbsp; The most truly religious and only thoroughly good man
+in Cambridge is Clayton, <a name="citation270"></a><a
+href="#footnote270" class="citation">[270]</a> of Cams.</p>
+<p>8.&nbsp; &ldquo;Charity is but the compassion that we feel for
+our own vices when we perceive their hatefulness in other
+people.&rdquo;&nbsp; Charity, then, is but another name for
+selfishness, and must be eschewed accordingly.</p>
+<p>9.&nbsp; A great French king was walking one day with the late
+Mr. B., when the king dropped his umbrella.&nbsp; Mr. B.
+instantly stooped down and picked it up.&nbsp; The king said in a
+very sweet tone, &ldquo;Thank you.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>10.&nbsp; The Cam is the river Jordan.&nbsp; An unthinking
+mind may consider this a startling announcement.&nbsp; Let such
+an one pray for grace to read the mystery aright.</p>
+<p>11.&nbsp; When I&rsquo;ve lost a button off my trousers I go
+to the tailors&rsquo; and get a new one sewn on.</p>
+<p>12.&nbsp; Faith and Works were walking one day on the road to
+Zion, when Works turned into a public-house, and said he would
+not go any further, at the same time telling Faith to go on by
+himself, and saying that &ldquo;he should be only a drag upon
+him.&rdquo;&nbsp; Faith accordingly left Works in the ale-house,
+and went on.&nbsp; He had not gone far before he began to feel
+faint, and thought he had better turn back and wait for
+Works.&nbsp; He suited the action to the word, and finding Works
+in an advanced state of beer, fell to, and even surpassed that
+worthy in his potations.&nbsp; They then set to work and fought
+lustily, and would have done each other a mortal injury had not a
+Policeman providentially arrived, and walked them off to the
+station-house.&nbsp; As it was they were fined Five Shillings
+each, and it was a long time before they fully recovered.</p>
+<p>13.&nbsp; What can 10 fools do among 300 sinners?&nbsp; They
+can do much harm, and had far better let the sinners seek peace
+their own way in the wilderness than ram it down their throats
+during the night.</p>
+<p>14.&nbsp; Barnwell is a place near Cambridge.&nbsp; It is one
+of the descents into the infernal regions; nay, the infernal
+regions have there ascended to the upper earth, and are
+rampant.&nbsp; He that goeth by it shall be scorched, but he that
+seeketh it knowingly shall be devoured in the twinkling of an
+eye, and become withered as the grass at noonday.</p>
+<p>15.&nbsp; Young men do not seem to consider that houses were
+made to pray in, as well as to eat and to drink in.&nbsp;
+Spiritual food is much more easily procured and far cheaper than
+bodily nutriment; that, perhaps, is the reason why many overlook
+it.</p>
+<p>16.&nbsp; When we were children our nurses used to say,
+&ldquo;Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top, when the bough bends the
+cradle will rock.&rdquo;&nbsp; Do the nurses intend the wind to
+represent temptation and the storm of life, the tree-top
+ambition, and the cradle the body of the child in which the soul
+traverses life&rsquo;s ocean?&nbsp; I cannot doubt all this
+passes through the nurses&rsquo; minds.&nbsp; Again, when they
+say, &ldquo;Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep and doesn&rsquo;t
+know where to find them; let them alone and they&rsquo;ll come
+home with their tails all right behind them,&rdquo; is Little
+Bo-peep intended for mother Church?&nbsp; Are the sheep our
+erring selves, and our subsequent return to the fold?&nbsp; No
+doubt of it.</p>
+<p>17.&nbsp; A child will often eat of itself what no compulsion
+can induce it to touch.&nbsp; Men are disgusted with religion if
+it is placed before them at unseasonable times, in unseasonable
+places, and clothed in a most unseemly dress.&nbsp; Let them
+alone, and many will perhaps seek it for themselves, whom the
+world suspects not.&nbsp; A whited sepulchre is a very
+picturesque object, and I like it immensely, and I like a Sim
+too.&nbsp; But the whited sepulchre is an acknowledged humbug and
+most of the Sims are not, in my opinion, very far different.</p>
+<h2>FOOTNOTES.</h2>
+<p><a name="footnote207"></a><a href="#citation207"
+class="footnote">[207]</a>&nbsp; This was called to my attention
+by a distinguished Greek scholar of this University.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote233a"></a><a href="#citation233a"
+class="footnote">[233a]</a>&nbsp; The Hauenstein tunnel was not
+completed until later.&nbsp; Its construction was delayed by a
+fall of earth which occurred in 1857 and buried sixty-three
+workmen.&mdash;R. A. S.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote233b"></a><a href="#citation233b"
+class="footnote">[233b]</a>&nbsp; Mr. J. F. Harris has identified
+Butler&rsquo;s rooms in the third court of St. John&rsquo;s
+College.&mdash;R. A. S.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote239"></a><a href="#citation239"
+class="footnote">[239]</a>&nbsp; As Walmisley died in January,
+1856, this piece must evidently date from Butler&rsquo;s first
+year at Cambridge.&mdash;R. A. S.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote269"></a><a href="#citation269"
+class="footnote">[269]</a>&nbsp; William Selwyn D.D., Fellow of
+St. John&rsquo;s Lady Margaret Professor of Divinity, died
+1875.&mdash;A. T. B.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote270"></a><a href="#citation270"
+class="footnote">[270]</a> Charles Clayton, M.A., of Gonville and
+Caius, Vicar of Holy Trinity, Cambridge, 1851&ndash;65.&nbsp;
+Died 1883.&mdash;A. T. B.</p>
+<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAMBRIDGE PIECES***</p>
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