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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/32041-h.zip b/32041-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..27c8177 --- /dev/null +++ b/32041-h.zip diff --git a/32041-h/32041-h.htm b/32041-h/32041-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4959ef3 --- /dev/null +++ b/32041-h/32041-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1306 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of One Man's Poison, by Robert Sheckley + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; background-color: #FFFFFF; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +.p1 { margin-left: 70%; } + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +.tr {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; margin-top: 5%; margin-bottom: 5%; padding: 2em; background-color: #f6f2f2; color: black; border: dotted black 1px;} + +.img1 {border:solid 1px; } + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +.figleft { + float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-top: 0.25em; + margin-right: 0.25em; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +.figleft { + float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-top: 0.25em; + margin-right: 0.25em; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +.figleft1 { + float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 0.25em; + margin-top: 0.2em; + margin-right: 0.25em; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + + +/* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of One Man's Poison, by Robert Sheckley + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: One Man's Poison + +Author: Robert Sheckley + +Illustrator: Emsh + +Release Date: April 18, 2010 [EBook #32041] +[Last updated: September 22, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONE MAN'S POISON *** + + + + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="tr"><p class="center">Transcriber's Note:</p> +<p class="center">This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction December 1953. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.</p></div> +<p> </p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img class="img1" src="images/cover.jpg" width="400" height="560" alt="" title="" /> +</div> +<p> </p> +<h1>One man's poison</h1> +<p> </p> +<h2>By ROBERT SHECKLEY</h2> +<p> </p> +<h3>Illustrated by EMSH</h3> +<p> </p> +<div class="blockquot"><p>They could eat a horse, only luckily there was none ... it +might have eaten them first!</p></div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_h1.jpg" alt="H" width="50" height="50" /></div> +<p>ellman plucked the last radish out of the can with a pair of +dividers. He held it up for Casker to admire, then laid it carefully +on the workbench beside the razor.</p> + +<p>"Hell of a meal for two grown men," Casker said, flopping down in one +of the ship's padded crash chairs.</p> + +<p>"If you'd like to give up your share—" Hellman started to suggest.</p> + +<p>Casker shook his head quickly. Hellman smiled, picked up the razor and +examined its edge critically.</p> + +<p>"Don't make a production out of it," Casker said, glancing at the +ship's instruments. They were approaching a red dwarf, the only +planet-bearing sun in the vicinity. "We want to be through with supper +before we get much closer."</p> + +<p>Hellman made a practice incision in the radish, squinting along the +top of the razor. Casker bent closer, his mouth open. Hellman poised +the razor delicately and cut the radish cleanly in half.</p> + +<p>"Will you say grace?" Hellman asked.</p> + +<p>Casker growled something and popped a half in his mouth. Hellman +chewed more slowly. The sharp taste seemed to explode along his +disused tastebuds.</p> + +<p>"Not much bulk value," Hellman said.</p> + +<p>Casker didn't answer. He was busily studying the red dwarf.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_a.jpg" alt="A" width="37" height="40" /></div> +<p>s he swallowed the last of his radish, Hellman stifled a sigh. Their +last meal had been three days ago ... if two biscuits and a cup of +water could be called a meal. This radish, now resting in the vast +emptiness of their stomachs, was the last gram of food on board ship.</p> + +<p>"Two planets," Casker said. "One's burned to a crisp."</p> + +<p>"Then we'll land on the other."</p> + +<p>Casker nodded and punched a deceleration spiral into the ship's tape.</p> + +<p>Hellman found himself wondering for the hundredth time where the fault +had been. Could he have made out the food requisitions wrong, when +they took on supplies at Calao station? After all, he had been +devoting most of his attention to the mining equipment. Or had the +ground crew just forgotten to load those last precious cases?</p> + +<p>He drew his belt in to the fourth new notch he had punched.</p> + +<p>Speculation was useless. Whatever the reason, they were in a jam. +Ironically enough, they had more than enough fuel to take them back to +Calao. But they would be a pair of singularly emaciated corpses by the +time the ship reached there.</p> + +<p>"We're coming in now," Casker said.</p> + +<p>And to make matters worse, this unexplored region of space had few +suns and fewer planets. Perhaps there was a slight possibility of +replenishing their water supply, but the odds were enormous against +finding anything they could eat.</p> + +<p>"Look at that place," Casker growled.</p> + +<p>Hellman shook himself out of his reverie.</p> + +<p>The planet was like a round gray-brown porcupine. The spines of a +million needle-sharp mountains glittered in the red dwarf's feeble +light. And as they spiraled lower, circling the planet, the pointed +mountains seemed to stretch out to meet them.</p> + +<p>"It can't be <i>all</i> mountains," Hellman said.</p> + +<p>"It's not."</p> + +<p>Sure enough, there were oceans and lakes, out of which thrust jagged +island-mountains. But no sign of level land, no hint of civilization, +or even animal life.</p> + +<p>"At least it's got an oxygen atmosphere," Casker said.</p> + +<p>Their deceleration spiral swept them around the planet, cutting lower +into the atmosphere, braking against it. And still there was nothing +but mountains and lakes and oceans and more mountains.</p> + +<p>On the eighth run, Hellman caught sight of a solitary building on a +mountain top. Casker braked recklessly, and the hull glowed red hot. +On the eleventh run, they made a landing approach.</p> + +<p>"Stupid place to build," Casker muttered.</p> + +<p>The building was doughnut-shaped, and fitted nicely over the top of +the mountain. There was a wide, level lip around it, which Casker +scorched as he landed the ship.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_f.jpg" alt="F" width="32" height="40" /></div> +<p>rom the air, the building had merely seemed big. On the ground, it +was enormous. Hellman and Casker walked up to it slowly. Hellman had +his burner ready, but there was no sign of life.</p> + +<p>"This planet must be abandoned," Hellman said almost in a whisper.</p> + +<p>"Anyone in his right mind would abandon this place," Casker said. +"There're enough good planets around, without anyone trying to live on +a needle point."</p> + +<p>They reached the door. Hellman tried to open it and found it locked. +He looked back at the spectacular display of mountains.</p> + +<p>"You know," he said, "when this planet was still in a molten state, it +must have been affected by several gigantic moons that are now broken +up. The strains, external and internal, wrenched it into its present +spined appearance and—"</p> + +<p>"Come off it," Casker said ungraciously. "You were a librarian before +you decided to get rich on uranium."</p> + +<p>Hellman shrugged his shoulders and burned a hole in the doorlock. They +waited.</p> + +<p>The only sound on the mountain top was the growling of their stomachs.</p> + +<p>They entered.</p> + +<p>The tremendous wedge-shaped room was evidently a warehouse of sorts. +Goods were piled to the ceiling, scattered over the floor, stacked +haphazardly against the walls. There were boxes and containers of all +sizes and shapes, some big enough to hold an elephant, others the size +of thimbles.</p> + +<p>Near the door was a dusty pile of books. Immediately, Hellman bent +down to examine them.</p> + +<p>"Must be food somewhere in here," Casker said, his face lighting up +for the first time in a week. He started to open the nearest box.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/image_001.jpg" width="400" height="510" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"This is interesting," Hellman said, discarding all the books except +one.</p> + +<p>"Let's eat first," Casker said, ripping the top off the box. Inside +was a brownish dust. Casker looked at it, sniffed, and made a face.</p> + +<p>"Very interesting indeed," Hellman said, leafing through the book.</p> + +<p>Casker opened a small can, which contained a glittering green slime. +He closed it and opened another. It contained a dull orange slime.</p> + +<p>"Hmm," Hellman said, still reading.</p> + +<p>"Hellman! Will you kindly drop that book and help me find some food?"</p> + +<p>"Food?" Hellman repeated, looking up. "What makes you think there's +anything to eat here? For all you know, this could be a paint +factory."</p> + +<p>"It's a warehouse!" Casker shouted.</p> + +<p>He opened a kidney-shaped can and lifted out a soft purple stick. It +hardened quickly and crumpled to dust as he tried to smell it. He +scooped up a handful of the dust and brought it to his mouth.</p> + +<p>"That might be extract of strychnine," Hellman said casually.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_c.jpg" alt="C" width="33" height="40" /></div> +<p>asker abruptly dropped the dust and wiped his hands.</p> + +<p>"After all," Hellman pointed out, "granted that this is a warehouse—a +cache, if you wish—we don't know what the late inhabitants considered +good fare. Paris green salad, perhaps, with sulphuric acid as +dressing."</p> + +<p>"All right," Casker said, "but we gotta eat. What're you going to do +about all this?" He gestured at the hundreds of boxes, cans and +bottles.</p> + +<p>"The thing to do," Hellman said briskly, "is to make a qualitative +analysis on four or five samples. We could start out with a simple +titration, sublimate the chief ingredient, see if it forms a +precipitate, work out its molecular makeup from—"</p> + +<p>"Hellman, you don't know what you're talking about. You're a +librarian, remember? And I'm a correspondence school pilot. We don't +know anything about titrations and sublimations."</p> + +<p>"I know," Hellman said, "but we should. It's the right way to go about +it."</p> + +<p>"Sure. In the meantime, though, just until a chemist drops in, what'll +we do?"</p> + +<p>"This might help us," Hellman said, holding up the book. "Do you know +what it is?"</p> + +<p>"No," Casker said, keeping a tight grip on his patience.</p> + +<p>"It's a pocket dictionary and guide to the Helg language."</p> + +<p>"Helg?"</p> + +<p>"The planet we're on. The symbols match up with those on the boxes."</p> + +<p>Casker raised an eyebrow. "Never heard of Helg."</p> + +<p>"I don't believe the planet has ever had any contact with Earth," +Hellman said. "This dictionary isn't Helg-English. It's +Helg-Aloombrigian."</p> + +<p>Casker remembered that Aloombrigia was the home planet of a small, +adventurous reptilian race, out near the center of the Galaxy.</p> + +<p>"How come you can read Aloombrigian?" Casker asked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, being a librarian isn't a completely useless profession," Hellman +said modestly. "In my spare time—"</p> + +<p>"Yeah. Now how about—"</p> + +<p>"Do you know," Hellman said, "the Aloombrigians probably helped the +Helgans leave their planet and find another. They sell services like +that. In which case, this building very likely is a food cache!"</p> + +<p>"Suppose you start translating," Casker suggested wearily, "and maybe +find us something to eat."</p> + +<p>They opened boxes until they found a likely-looking substance. +Laboriously, Hellman translated the symbols on it.</p> + +<p>"Got it," he said. "It reads:—'<span class="smcap">Use Sniffners—The Better Abrasive</span>.'"</p> + +<p>"Doesn't sound edible," Casker said.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid not."</p> + +<p>They found another, which read: <span class="smcap">vigroom! fill all your stomachs, and +fill them right!</span></p> + +<p>"What kind of animals do you suppose these Helgans were?" Casker +asked.</p> + +<p>Hellman shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>The next label took almost fifteen minutes to translate. It read: +<span class="smcap">argosel makes your thudra all tizzy. contains thirty arps of ramstat +pulz, for shell lubrication</span>.</p> + +<p>"There must be <i>something</i> here we can eat," Casker said with a note +of desperation.</p> + +<p>"I hope so," Hellman replied.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_a.jpg" alt="A" width="37" height="40" /></div> +<p>t the end of two hours, they were no closer. They had translated +dozens of titles and sniffed so many substances that their olfactory +senses had given up in disgust.</p> + +<p>"Let's talk this over," Hellman said, sitting on a box marked: +<span class="smcap">vormitish—good as it sounds</span>!</p> + +<p>"Sure," Casker said, sprawling out on the floor. "Talk."</p> + +<p>"If we could deduce what kind of creatures inhabited this planet, we'd +know what kind of food they ate, and whether it's likely to be edible +for us."</p> + +<p>"All we do know is that they wrote a lot of lousy advertising copy."</p> + +<p>Hellman ignored that. "What kind of intelligent beings would evolve on +a planet that is all mountains?"</p> + +<p>"Stupid ones!" Casker said.</p> + +<p>That was no help. But Hellman found that he couldn't draw any +inferences from the mountains. It didn't tell him if the late Helgans +ate silicates or proteins or iodine-base foods or anything.</p> + +<p>"Now look," Hellman said, "we'll have to work this out by pure +logic—Are you listening to me?"</p> + +<p>"Sure," Casker said.</p> + +<p>"Okay. There's an old proverb that covers our situation perfectly: +'One man's meat is another man's poison.'"</p> + +<p>"Yeah," Casker said. He was positive his stomach had shrunk to +approximately the size of a marble.</p> + +<p>"We can assume, first, that their meat is our meat."</p> + +<p>Casker wrenched himself away from a vision of five juicy roast beefs +dancing tantalizingly before him. "What if their meat is our <i>poison</i>? +What then?"</p> + +<p>"Then," Hellman said, "we will assume that their poison is our meat."</p> + +<p>"And what happens if their meat <i>and</i> their poison are our poison?"</p> + +<p>"We starve."</p> + +<p>"All right," Casker said, standing up. "Which assumption do we start +with?"</p> + +<p>"Well, there's no sense in asking for trouble. This <i>is</i> an oxygen +planet, if that means anything. Let's assume that we can eat some +basic food of theirs. If we can't we'll start on their poisons."</p> + +<p>"If we live that long," Casker said.</p> + +<p>Hellman began to translate labels. They discarded such brands as +<span class="smcap">androgynites' delight and verbell—for longer, curlier, more sensitive +antennae</span>, until they found a small gray box, about six inches by three +by three. It was called <span class="smcap">valkorin's universal taste treat, for all +digestive capacities</span>.</p> + +<p>"This looks as good as any," Hellman said. He opened the box.</p> + +<p>Casker leaned over and sniffed. "No odor."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_w.jpg" alt="W" width="51" height="40" /></div> +<p>ithin the box they found a rectangular, rubbery red block. It +quivered slightly, like jelly.</p> + +<p>"Bite into it," Casker said.</p> + +<p>"Me?" Hellman asked. "Why not you?"</p> + +<p>"You picked it."</p> + +<p>"I prefer just looking at it," Hellman said with dignity. "I'm not too +hungry."</p> + +<p>"I'm not either," Casker said.</p> + +<p>They sat on the floor and stared at the jellylike block. After ten +minutes, Hellman yawned, leaned back and closed his eyes.</p> + +<p>"All right, coward," Casker said bitterly. "I'll try it. Just +remember, though, if I'm poisoned, you'll never get off this planet. +You don't know how to pilot."</p> + +<p>"Just take a little bite, then," Hellman advised.</p> + +<p>Casker leaned over and stared at the block. Then he prodded it with +his thumb.</p> + +<p>The rubbery red block giggled.</p> + +<p>"Did you hear that?" Casker yelped, leaping back.</p> + +<p>"I didn't hear anything," Hellman said, his hands shaking. "Go ahead."</p> + +<p>Casker prodded the block again. It giggled louder, this time with a +disgusting little simper.</p> + +<p>"Okay," Casker said, "what do we try next?"</p> + +<p>"Next? What's wrong with this?"</p> + +<p>"I don't eat anything that giggles," Casker stated firmly.</p> + +<p>"Now listen to me," Hellman said. "The creatures who manufactured this +might have been trying to create an esthetic sound as well as a +pleasant shape and color. That giggle is probably only for the +amusement of the eater."</p> + +<p>"Then bite into it yourself," Casker offered.</p> + +<p>Hellman glared at him, but made no move toward the rubbery block. +Finally he said, "Let's move it out of the way."</p> + +<p>They pushed the block over to a corner. It lay there giggling softly +to itself.</p> + +<p>"Now what?" Casker said.</p> + +<p>Hellman looked around at the jumbled stacks of incomprehensible alien +goods. He noticed a door on either side of the room.</p> + +<p>"Let's have a look in the other sections," he suggested.</p> + +<p>Casker shrugged his shoulders apathetically.</p> + +<p>Slowly they trudged to the door in the left wall. It was locked and +Hellman burned it open with the ship's burner.</p> + +<p>It was a wedge-shaped room, piled with incomprehensible alien goods.</p> + +<p>The hike back across the room seemed like miles, but they made it only +slightly out of wind. Hellman blew out the lock and they looked in.</p> + +<p>It was a wedge-shaped room, piled with incomprehensible alien goods.</p> + +<p>"All the same," Casker said sadly, and closed the door.</p> + +<p>"Evidently there's a series of these rooms going completely around the +building," Hellman said. "I wonder if we should explore them."</p> + +<p>Casker calculated the distance around the building, compared it with +his remaining strength, and sat down heavily on a long gray object.</p> + +<p>"Why bother?" he asked.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_h.jpg" alt="H" width="41" height="40" /></div> +<p>ellman tried to collect his thoughts. Certainly he should be able to +find a key of some sort, a clue that would tell him what they could +eat. But where was it?</p> + +<p>He examined the object Casker was sitting on. It was about the size +and shape of a large coffin, with a shallow depression on top. It was +made of a hard, corrugated substance.</p> + +<p>"What do you suppose this is?" Hellman asked.</p> + +<p>"Does it matter?"</p> + +<p>Hellman glanced at the symbols painted on the side of the object, then +looked them up in his dictionary.</p> + +<p>"Fascinating," he murmured, after a while.</p> + +<p>"Is it something to eat?" Casker asked, with a faint glimmering of +hope.</p> + +<p>"No. You are sitting on something called <span class="smcap">the morog custom super +transport for the discriminating helgan who desires the best in +vertical transportation</span>. It's a vehicle!"</p> + +<p>"Oh," Casker said dully.</p> + +<p>"This is important! Look at it! How does it work?"</p> + +<p>Casker wearily climbed off the Morog Custom Super Transport and looked +it over carefully. He traced four almost invisible separations on its +four corners. "Retractable wheels, probably, but I don't see—"</p> + +<p>Hellman read on. "It says to give it three amphus of high-gain Integor +fuel, then a van of Tonder lubrication, and not to run it over three +thousand Ruls for the first fifty mungus."</p> + +<p>"Let's find something to eat," Casker said.</p> + +<p>"Don't you see how important this is?" Hellman asked. "This could +solve our problem. If we could deduce the alien logic inherent in +constructing this vehicle, we might know the Helgan thought pattern. +This, in turn, would give us an insight into their nervous systems, +which would imply their biochemical makeup."</p> + +<p>Casker stood still, trying to decide whether he had enough strength +left to strangle Hellman.</p> + +<p>"For example," Hellman said, "what kind of vehicle would be used in a +place like this? Not one with wheels, since everything is up and down. +Anti-gravity? Perhaps, but what <i>kind</i> of anti-gravity? And why did +the inhabitants devise a boxlike form instead—"</p> + +<p>Casker decided sadly that he didn't have enough strength to strangle +Hellman, no matter how pleasant it might be. Very quietly, he said, +"Kindly stop making like a scientist. Let's see if there isn't +<i>something</i> we can gulp down."</p> + +<p>"All right," Hellman said sulkily.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_c.jpg" alt="C" width="33" height="40" /></div> +<p>asker watched his partner wander off among the cans, bottles and +cases. He wondered vaguely where Hellman got the energy, and decided +that he was just too cerebral to know when he was starving.</p> + +<p>"Here's something," Hellman called out, standing in front of a large +yellow vat.</p> + +<p>"What does it say?" Casker asked.</p> + +<p>"Little bit hard to translate. But rendered freely, it reads: +<span class="smcap">morishille's voozy, with lacto-ecto added for a new taste sensation. +everyone drinks voozy. good before and after meals, no unpleasant +after-effects. good for children! the drink of the universe!</span>"</p> + +<p>"That sounds good," Casker admitted, thinking that Hellman might not +be so stupid after all.</p> + +<p>"This should tell us once and for all if their meat <i>is</i> our meat," +Hellman said. "This Voozy seems to be the closest thing to a universal +drink I've found yet."</p> + +<p>"Maybe," Casker said hopefully, "maybe it's just plain water!"</p> + +<p>"We'll see." Hellman pried open the lid with the edge of the burner.</p> + +<p>Within the vat was a crystal-clear liquid.</p> + +<p>"No odor," Casker said, bending over the vat.</p> + +<p>The crystal liquid lifted to meet him.</p> + +<p>Casker retreated so rapidly that he fell over a box. Hellman helped +him to his feet, and they approached the vat again. As they came near, +the liquid lifted itself three feet into the air and moved toward +them.</p> + +<p>"What've you done now?" Casker asked, moving back carefully. The +liquid flowed slowly over the side of the vat. It began to flow toward +him.</p> + +<p>"Hellman!" Casker shrieked.</p> + +<p>Hellman was standing to one side, perspiration pouring down his face, +reading his dictionary with a preoccupied frown.</p> + +<p>"Guess I bumbled the translation," he said.</p> + +<p>"Do something!" Casker shouted. The liquid was trying to back him into +a corner.</p> + +<p>"Nothing I can do," Hellman said, reading on. "Ah, here's the error. +It doesn't say 'Everyone drinks Voozy.' Wrong subject. 'Voozy drinks +<i>everyone</i>.' That tells us something! The Helgans must have soaked +liquid in through their pores. Naturally, they would prefer to be +drunk, instead of to drink."</p> + +<p>Casker tried to dodge around the liquid, but it cut him off with a +merry gurgle. Desperately he picked up a small bale and threw it at +the Voozy. The Voozy caught the bale and drank it. Then it discarded +that and turned back to Casker.</p> + +<p>Hellman tossed another box. The Voozy drank this one and a third and +fourth that Casker threw in. Then, apparently exhausted, it flowed +back into its vat.</p> + +<p>Casker clapped down the lid and sat on it, trembling violently.</p> + +<p>"Not so good," Hellman said. "We've been taking it for granted that +the Helgans had eating habits like us. But, of course, it doesn't +necessarily—"</p> + +<p>"No, it doesn't. No, sir, it certainly doesn't. I guess we can see +that it doesn't. Anyone can see that it doesn't—"</p> + +<p>"Stop that," Hellman ordered sternly. "We've no time for hysteria."</p> + +<p>"Sorry." Casker slowly moved away from the Voozy vat.</p> + +<p>"I guess we'll have to assume that their meat is our poison," Hellman +said thoughtfully. "So now we'll see if their poison is our meat."</p> + +<p>Casker didn't say anything. He was wondering what would have happened +if the Voozy had drunk him.</p> + +<p>In the corner, the rubbery block was still giggling to itself.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft1"><img src="images/image_n1.jpg" alt="N" width="63" height="40" /></div> + +<p>ow here's a likely-looking poison," Hellman said, half an hour +later.</p> + +<p>Casker had recovered completely, except for an occasional twitch of +the lips.</p> + +<p>"What does it say?" he asked.</p> + +<p>Hellman rolled a tiny tube in the palm of his hand. "It's called +Pvastkin's Plugger. The label reads: <span class="smcap">warning! highly dangerous! +pvastkin's plugger is designed to fill holes or cracks of not more +than two cubic vims. however—the plugger is not to be eaten under any +circumstances. the active ingredient, ramotol, which makes pvastkin's +so excellent a plugger renders it highly dangerous when taken +internally</span>."</p> + +<p>"Sounds great," Casker said. "It'll probably blow us sky-high."</p> + +<p>"Do you have any other suggestions?" Hellman asked.</p> + +<p>Casker thought for a moment. The food of Helg was obviously +unpalatable for humans. So perhaps was their poison ... but wasn't +starvation better than this sort of thing?</p> + +<p>After a moment's communion with his stomach, he decided that +starvation was <i>not</i> better.</p> + +<p>"Go ahead," he said.</p> + +<p>Hellman slipped the burner under his arm and unscrewed the top of the +little bottle. He shook it.</p> + +<p>Nothing happened.</p> + +<p>"It's got a seal," Casker pointed out.</p> + +<p>Hellman punctured the seal with his fingernail and set the bottle on +the floor. An evil-smelling green froth began to bubble out.</p> + +<p>Hellman looked dubiously at the froth. It was congealing into a glob +and spreading over the floor.</p> + +<p>"Yeast, perhaps," he said, gripping the burner tightly.</p> + +<p>"Come, come. Faint heart never filled an empty stomach."</p> + +<p>"I'm not holding <i>you</i> back," Hellman said.</p> + +<p>The glob swelled to the size of a man's head.</p> + +<p>"How long is that supposed to go on?" Casker asked.</p> + +<p>"Well," Hellman said, "it's advertised as a Plugger. I suppose that's +what it does—expands to plug up holes."</p> + +<p>"Sure. But how <i>much</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Unfortunately, I don't know how much two cubic vims are. But it can't +go on much—"</p> + +<p>Belatedly, they noticed that the Plugger had filled almost a quarter +of the room and was showing no signs of stopping.</p> + +<p>"We should have believed the label!" Casker yelled to him, across the +spreading glob. "It <i>is</i> dangerous!"</p> + +<p>As the Plugger produced more surface, it began to accelerate in its +growth. A sticky edge touched Hellman, and he jumped back.</p> + +<p>"Watch out!"</p> + +<p>He couldn't reach Casker, on the other side of the gigantic sphere of +blob. Hellman tried to run around, but the Plugger had spread, cutting +the room in half. It began to swell toward the walls.</p> + +<p>"Run for it!" Hellman yelled, and rushed to the door behind him.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_h.jpg" alt="H" width="41" height="40" /></div> +<p>e flung it open just as the expanding glob reached him. On the other +side of the room, he heard a door slam shut. Hellman didn't wait any +longer. He sprinted through and slammed the door behind him.</p> + +<p>He stood for a moment, panting, the burner in his hand. He hadn't +realized how weak he was. That sprint had cut his reserves of energy +dangerously close to the collapsing point. At least Casker had made +it, too, though.</p> + +<p>But he was still in trouble.</p> + +<p>The Plugger poured merrily through the blasted lock, into the room. +Hellman tried a practice shot on it, but the Plugger was evidently +impervious ... as, he realized, a good plugger should be.</p> + +<p>It was showing no signs of fatigue.</p> + +<p>Hellman hurried to the far wall. The door was locked, as the others +had been, so he burned out the lock and went through.</p> + +<p>How far could the glob expand? How much was two cubic vims? Two cubic +miles, perhaps? For all he knew, the Plugger was used to repair faults +in the crusts of planets.</p> + +<p>In the next room, Hellman stopped to catch his breath. He remembered +that the building was circular. He would burn his way through the +remaining doors and join Casker. They would burn their way outside +and....</p> + +<p>Casker didn't have a burner!</p> + +<p>Hellman turned white with shock. Casker had made it into the room on +the right, because they had burned it open earlier. The Plugger was +undoubtedly oozing into that room, through the shattered lock ... and +Casker couldn't get out! The Plugger was on his left, a locked door on +his right!</p> + +<p>Rallying his remaining strength, Hellman began to run. Boxes seemed to +get in his way purposefully, tripping him, slowing him down. He +blasted the next door and hurried on to the next. And the next. And +the next.</p> + +<p>The Plugger couldn't expand <i>completely</i> into Casker's room!</p> + +<p>Or could it?</p> + +<p>The wedge-shaped rooms, each a segment of a circle, seemed to stretch +before him forever, a jumbled montage of locked doors, alien goods, +more doors, more goods. Hellman fell over a crate, got to his feet and +fell again. He had reached the limit of his strength, and passed it. +But Casker was his friend.</p> + +<p>Besides, without a pilot, he'd never get off the place.</p> + +<p>Hellman struggled through two more rooms on trembling legs and then +collapsed in front of a third.</p> + +<p>"Is that you, Hellman?" he heard Casker ask, from the other side of +the door.</p> + +<p>"You all right?" Hellman managed to gasp.</p> + +<p>"Haven't much room in here," Casker said, "but the Plugger's stopped +growing. Hellman, get me out of here!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_h.jpg" alt="H" width="41" height="40" /></div> +<p>ellman lay on the floor panting. "Moment," he said.</p> + +<p>"Moment, hell!" Casker shouted. "Get me out. I've found water!"</p> + +<p>"What? How?"</p> + +<p>"Get me out of here!"</p> + +<p>Hellman tried to stand up, but his legs weren't cooperating. "What +happened?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"When I saw that glob filling the room, I figured I'd try to start up +the Super Custom Transport. Thought maybe it could knock down the door +and get me out. So I pumped it full of high-gain Integor fuel."</p> + +<p>"Yes?" Hellman said, still trying to get his legs under control.</p> + +<p>"That Super Custom Transport is an animal, Hellman! And the Integor +fuel is water! Now get me out!"</p> + +<p>Hellman lay back with a contented sigh. If he had had a little more +time, he would have worked out the whole thing himself, by pure logic. +But it was all very apparent now. The most efficient machine to go +over those vertical, razor-sharp mountains would be an animal, +probably with retractable suckers. It was kept in hibernation between +trips; and if it drank water, the other products designed for it would +be palatable, too. Of course they still didn't know much about the +late inhabitants, but undoubtedly....</p> + +<p>"Burn down that door!" Casker shrieked, his voice breaking.</p> + +<p>Hellman was pondering the irony of it all. If one man's meat—<i>and</i> +his poison—are your poison, then try eating something else. So +simple, really.</p> + +<p>But there was one thing that still bothered him.</p> + +<p>"How did you know it was an Earth-type animal?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Its breath, stupid! It inhales and exhales and smells as if it's +eaten onions!" There was a sound of cans falling and bottles +shattering. "Now hurry!"</p> + +<p>"What's wrong?" Hellman asked, finally getting to his feet and poising +the burner.</p> + +<p>"The Custom Super Transport. It's got me cornered behind a pile of +cases. Hellman, it seems to think that I'm <i>its</i> meat!"</p> + +<p>Broiled with the burner—well done for Hellman, medium rare for +Casker—it was their meat, with enough left over for the trip back to +Calao.</p> + +<p class="p1">—<b>ROBERT SHECKLEY</b></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of One Man's Poison, by Robert Sheckley + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONE MAN'S POISON *** + +***** This file should be named 32041-h.htm or 32041-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/0/4/32041/ + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: One Man's Poison + +Author: Robert Sheckley + +Illustrator: Emsh + +Release Date: April 18, 2010 [EBook #32041] +[Last updated: September 22, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONE MAN'S POISON *** + + + + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction December 1953. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. + + + One man's poison + + + By ROBERT SHECKLEY + + + Illustrated by EMSH + + + They could eat a horse, only luckily there was none ... it + might have eaten them first! + + * * * * * + + + + +Hellman plucked the last radish out of the can with a pair of +dividers. He held it up for Casker to admire, then laid it carefully +on the workbench beside the razor. + +"Hell of a meal for two grown men," Casker said, flopping down in one +of the ship's padded crash chairs. + +"If you'd like to give up your share--" Hellman started to suggest. + +Casker shook his head quickly. Hellman smiled, picked up the razor and +examined its edge critically. + +"Don't make a production out of it," Casker said, glancing at the +ship's instruments. They were approaching a red dwarf, the only +planet-bearing sun in the vicinity. "We want to be through with supper +before we get much closer." + +Hellman made a practice incision in the radish, squinting along the +top of the razor. Casker bent closer, his mouth open. Hellman poised +the razor delicately and cut the radish cleanly in half. + +"Will you say grace?" Hellman asked. + +Casker growled something and popped a half in his mouth. Hellman +chewed more slowly. The sharp taste seemed to explode along his +disused tastebuds. + +"Not much bulk value," Hellman said. + +Casker didn't answer. He was busily studying the red dwarf. + + * * * * * + +As he swallowed the last of his radish, Hellman stifled a sigh. Their +last meal had been three days ago ... if two biscuits and a cup of +water could be called a meal. This radish, now resting in the vast +emptiness of their stomachs, was the last gram of food on board ship. + +"Two planets," Casker said. "One's burned to a crisp." + +"Then we'll land on the other." + +Casker nodded and punched a deceleration spiral into the ship's tape. + +Hellman found himself wondering for the hundredth time where the fault +had been. Could he have made out the food requisitions wrong, when +they took on supplies at Calao station? After all, he had been +devoting most of his attention to the mining equipment. Or had the +ground crew just forgotten to load those last precious cases? + +He drew his belt in to the fourth new notch he had punched. + +Speculation was useless. Whatever the reason, they were in a jam. +Ironically enough, they had more than enough fuel to take them back to +Calao. But they would be a pair of singularly emaciated corpses by the +time the ship reached there. + +"We're coming in now," Casker said. + +And to make matters worse, this unexplored region of space had few +suns and fewer planets. Perhaps there was a slight possibility of +replenishing their water supply, but the odds were enormous against +finding anything they could eat. + +"Look at that place," Casker growled. + +Hellman shook himself out of his reverie. + +The planet was like a round gray-brown porcupine. The spines of a +million needle-sharp mountains glittered in the red dwarf's feeble +light. And as they spiraled lower, circling the planet, the pointed +mountains seemed to stretch out to meet them. + +"It can't be _all_ mountains," Hellman said. + +"It's not." + +Sure enough, there were oceans and lakes, out of which thrust jagged +island-mountains. But no sign of level land, no hint of civilization, +or even animal life. + +"At least it's got an oxygen atmosphere," Casker said. + +Their deceleration spiral swept them around the planet, cutting lower +into the atmosphere, braking against it. And still there was nothing +but mountains and lakes and oceans and more mountains. + +On the eighth run, Hellman caught sight of a solitary building on a +mountain top. Casker braked recklessly, and the hull glowed red hot. +On the eleventh run, they made a landing approach. + +"Stupid place to build," Casker muttered. + +The building was doughnut-shaped, and fitted nicely over the top of +the mountain. There was a wide, level lip around it, which Casker +scorched as he landed the ship. + + * * * * * + +From the air, the building had merely seemed big. On the ground, it +was enormous. Hellman and Casker walked up to it slowly. Hellman had +his burner ready, but there was no sign of life. + +"This planet must be abandoned," Hellman said almost in a whisper. + +"Anyone in his right mind would abandon this place," Casker said. +"There're enough good planets around, without anyone trying to live on +a needle point." + +They reached the door. Hellman tried to open it and found it locked. +He looked back at the spectacular display of mountains. + +"You know," he said, "when this planet was still in a molten state, it +must have been affected by several gigantic moons that are now broken +up. The strains, external and internal, wrenched it into its present +spined appearance and--" + +"Come off it," Casker said ungraciously. "You were a librarian before +you decided to get rich on uranium." + +Hellman shrugged his shoulders and burned a hole in the doorlock. They +waited. + +The only sound on the mountain top was the growling of their stomachs. + +They entered. + +The tremendous wedge-shaped room was evidently a warehouse of sorts. +Goods were piled to the ceiling, scattered over the floor, stacked +haphazardly against the walls. There were boxes and containers of all +sizes and shapes, some big enough to hold an elephant, others the size +of thimbles. + +Near the door was a dusty pile of books. Immediately, Hellman bent +down to examine them. + +"Must be food somewhere in here," Casker said, his face lighting up +for the first time in a week. He started to open the nearest box. + +[Illustration] + +"This is interesting," Hellman said, discarding all the books except +one. + +"Let's eat first," Casker said, ripping the top off the box. Inside +was a brownish dust. Casker looked at it, sniffed, and made a face. + +"Very interesting indeed," Hellman said, leafing through the book. + +Casker opened a small can, which contained a glittering green slime. +He closed it and opened another. It contained a dull orange slime. + +"Hmm," Hellman said, still reading. + +"Hellman! Will you kindly drop that book and help me find some food?" + +"Food?" Hellman repeated, looking up. "What makes you think there's +anything to eat here? For all you know, this could be a paint +factory." + +"It's a warehouse!" Casker shouted. + +He opened a kidney-shaped can and lifted out a soft purple stick. It +hardened quickly and crumpled to dust as he tried to smell it. He +scooped up a handful of the dust and brought it to his mouth. + +"That might be extract of strychnine," Hellman said casually. + + * * * * * + +Casker abruptly dropped the dust and wiped his hands. + +"After all," Hellman pointed out, "granted that this is a warehouse--a +cache, if you wish--we don't know what the late inhabitants considered +good fare. Paris green salad, perhaps, with sulphuric acid as +dressing." + +"All right," Casker said, "but we gotta eat. What're you going to do +about all this?" He gestured at the hundreds of boxes, cans and +bottles. + +"The thing to do," Hellman said briskly, "is to make a qualitative +analysis on four or five samples. We could start out with a simple +titration, sublimate the chief ingredient, see if it forms a +precipitate, work out its molecular makeup from--" + +"Hellman, you don't know what you're talking about. You're a +librarian, remember? And I'm a correspondence school pilot. We don't +know anything about titrations and sublimations." + +"I know," Hellman said, "but we should. It's the right way to go about +it." + +"Sure. In the meantime, though, just until a chemist drops in, what'll +we do?" + +"This might help us," Hellman said, holding up the book. "Do you know +what it is?" + +"No," Casker said, keeping a tight grip on his patience. + +"It's a pocket dictionary and guide to the Helg language." + +"Helg?" + +"The planet we're on. The symbols match up with those on the boxes." + +Casker raised an eyebrow. "Never heard of Helg." + +"I don't believe the planet has ever had any contact with Earth," +Hellman said. "This dictionary isn't Helg-English. It's +Helg-Aloombrigian." + +Casker remembered that Aloombrigia was the home planet of a small, +adventurous reptilian race, out near the center of the Galaxy. + +"How come you can read Aloombrigian?" Casker asked. + +"Oh, being a librarian isn't a completely useless profession," Hellman +said modestly. "In my spare time--" + +"Yeah. Now how about--" + +"Do you know," Hellman said, "the Aloombrigians probably helped the +Helgans leave their planet and find another. They sell services like +that. In which case, this building very likely is a food cache!" + +"Suppose you start translating," Casker suggested wearily, "and maybe +find us something to eat." + +They opened boxes until they found a likely-looking substance. +Laboriously, Hellman translated the symbols on it. + +"Got it," he said. "It reads:--'USE SNIFFNERS--THE BETTER ABRASIVE.'" + +"Doesn't sound edible," Casker said. + +"I'm afraid not." + +They found another, which read: VIGROOM! FILL ALL YOUR STOMACHS, AND +FILL THEM RIGHT! + +"What kind of animals do you suppose these Helgans were?" Casker +asked. + +Hellman shrugged his shoulders. + +The next label took almost fifteen minutes to translate. It read: +ARGOSEL MAKES YOUR THUDRA ALL TIZZY. CONTAINS THIRTY ARPS OF RAMSTAT +PULZ, FOR SHELL LUBRICATION. + +"There must be _something_ here we can eat," Casker said with a note +of desperation. + +"I hope so," Hellman replied. + + * * * * * + +At the end of two hours, they were no closer. They had translated +dozens of titles and sniffed so many substances that their olfactory +senses had given up in disgust. + +"Let's talk this over," Hellman said, sitting on a box marked: +VORMITISH--GOOD AS IT SOUNDS! + +"Sure," Casker said, sprawling out on the floor. "Talk." + +"If we could deduce what kind of creatures inhabited this planet, we'd +know what kind of food they ate, and whether it's likely to be edible +for us." + +"All we do know is that they wrote a lot of lousy advertising copy." + +Hellman ignored that. "What kind of intelligent beings would evolve on +a planet that is all mountains?" + +"Stupid ones!" Casker said. + +That was no help. But Hellman found that he couldn't draw any +inferences from the mountains. It didn't tell him if the late Helgans +ate silicates or proteins or iodine-base foods or anything. + +"Now look," Hellman said, "we'll have to work this out by pure +logic--Are you listening to me?" + +"Sure," Casker said. + +"Okay. There's an old proverb that covers our situation perfectly: +'One man's meat is another man's poison.'" + +"Yeah," Casker said. He was positive his stomach had shrunk to +approximately the size of a marble. + +"We can assume, first, that their meat is our meat." + +Casker wrenched himself away from a vision of five juicy roast beefs +dancing tantalizingly before him. "What if their meat is our _poison_? +What then?" + +"Then," Hellman said, "we will assume that their poison is our meat." + +"And what happens if their meat _and_ their poison are our poison?" + +"We starve." + +"All right," Casker said, standing up. "Which assumption do we start +with?" + +"Well, there's no sense in asking for trouble. This _is_ an oxygen +planet, if that means anything. Let's assume that we can eat some +basic food of theirs. If we can't we'll start on their poisons." + +"If we live that long," Casker said. + +Hellman began to translate labels. They discarded such brands as +ANDROGYNITES' DELIGHT AND VERBELL--FOR LONGER, CURLIER, MORE SENSITIVE +ANTENNAE, until they found a small gray box, about six inches by three +by three. It was called VALKORIN'S UNIVERSAL TASTE TREAT, FOR ALL +DIGESTIVE CAPACITIES. + +"This looks as good as any," Hellman said. He opened the box. + +Casker leaned over and sniffed. "No odor." + + * * * * * + +Within the box they found a rectangular, rubbery red block. It +quivered slightly, like jelly. + +"Bite into it," Casker said. + +"Me?" Hellman asked. "Why not you?" + +"You picked it." + +"I prefer just looking at it," Hellman said with dignity. "I'm not too +hungry." + +"I'm not either," Casker said. + +They sat on the floor and stared at the jellylike block. After ten +minutes, Hellman yawned, leaned back and closed his eyes. + +"All right, coward," Casker said bitterly. "I'll try it. Just +remember, though, if I'm poisoned, you'll never get off this planet. +You don't know how to pilot." + +"Just take a little bite, then," Hellman advised. + +Casker leaned over and stared at the block. Then he prodded it with +his thumb. + +The rubbery red block giggled. + +"Did you hear that?" Casker yelped, leaping back. + +"I didn't hear anything," Hellman said, his hands shaking. "Go ahead." + +Casker prodded the block again. It giggled louder, this time with a +disgusting little simper. + +"Okay," Casker said, "what do we try next?" + +"Next? What's wrong with this?" + +"I don't eat anything that giggles," Casker stated firmly. + +"Now listen to me," Hellman said. "The creatures who manufactured this +might have been trying to create an esthetic sound as well as a +pleasant shape and color. That giggle is probably only for the +amusement of the eater." + +"Then bite into it yourself," Casker offered. + +Hellman glared at him, but made no move toward the rubbery block. +Finally he said, "Let's move it out of the way." + +They pushed the block over to a corner. It lay there giggling softly +to itself. + +"Now what?" Casker said. + +Hellman looked around at the jumbled stacks of incomprehensible alien +goods. He noticed a door on either side of the room. + +"Let's have a look in the other sections," he suggested. + +Casker shrugged his shoulders apathetically. + +Slowly they trudged to the door in the left wall. It was locked and +Hellman burned it open with the ship's burner. + +It was a wedge-shaped room, piled with incomprehensible alien goods. + +The hike back across the room seemed like miles, but they made it only +slightly out of wind. Hellman blew out the lock and they looked in. + +It was a wedge-shaped room, piled with incomprehensible alien goods. + +"All the same," Casker said sadly, and closed the door. + +"Evidently there's a series of these rooms going completely around the +building," Hellman said. "I wonder if we should explore them." + +Casker calculated the distance around the building, compared it with +his remaining strength, and sat down heavily on a long gray object. + +"Why bother?" he asked. + + * * * * * + +Hellman tried to collect his thoughts. Certainly he should be able to +find a key of some sort, a clue that would tell him what they could +eat. But where was it? + +He examined the object Casker was sitting on. It was about the size +and shape of a large coffin, with a shallow depression on top. It was +made of a hard, corrugated substance. + +"What do you suppose this is?" Hellman asked. + +"Does it matter?" + +Hellman glanced at the symbols painted on the side of the object, then +looked them up in his dictionary. + +"Fascinating," he murmured, after a while. + +"Is it something to eat?" Casker asked, with a faint glimmering of +hope. + +"No. You are sitting on something called THE MOROG CUSTOM SUPER +TRANSPORT FOR THE DISCRIMINATING HELGAN WHO DESIRES THE BEST IN +VERTICAL TRANSPORTATION. It's a vehicle!" + +"Oh," Casker said dully. + +"This is important! Look at it! How does it work?" + +Casker wearily climbed off the Morog Custom Super Transport and looked +it over carefully. He traced four almost invisible separations on its +four corners. "Retractable wheels, probably, but I don't see--" + +Hellman read on. "It says to give it three amphus of high-gain Integor +fuel, then a van of Tonder lubrication, and not to run it over three +thousand Ruls for the first fifty mungus." + +"Let's find something to eat," Casker said. + +"Don't you see how important this is?" Hellman asked. "This could +solve our problem. If we could deduce the alien logic inherent in +constructing this vehicle, we might know the Helgan thought pattern. +This, in turn, would give us an insight into their nervous systems, +which would imply their biochemical makeup." + +Casker stood still, trying to decide whether he had enough strength +left to strangle Hellman. + +"For example," Hellman said, "what kind of vehicle would be used in a +place like this? Not one with wheels, since everything is up and down. +Anti-gravity? Perhaps, but what _kind_ of anti-gravity? And why did +the inhabitants devise a boxlike form instead--" + +Casker decided sadly that he didn't have enough strength to strangle +Hellman, no matter how pleasant it might be. Very quietly, he said, +"Kindly stop making like a scientist. Let's see if there isn't +_something_ we can gulp down." + +"All right," Hellman said sulkily. + + * * * * * + +Casker watched his partner wander off among the cans, bottles and +cases. He wondered vaguely where Hellman got the energy, and decided +that he was just too cerebral to know when he was starving. + +"Here's something," Hellman called out, standing in front of a large +yellow vat. + +"What does it say?" Casker asked. + +"Little bit hard to translate. But rendered freely, it reads: +MORISHILLE'S VOOZY, WITH LACTO-ECTO ADDED FOR A NEW TASTE SENSATION. +EVERYONE DRINKS VOOZY. GOOD BEFORE AND AFTER MEALS, NO UNPLEASANT +AFTER-EFFECTS. GOOD FOR CHILDREN! THE DRINK OF THE UNIVERSE!" + +"That sounds good," Casker admitted, thinking that Hellman might not +be so stupid after all. + +"This should tell us once and for all if their meat _is_ our meat," +Hellman said. "This Voozy seems to be the closest thing to a universal +drink I've found yet." + +"Maybe," Casker said hopefully, "maybe it's just plain water!" + +"We'll see." Hellman pried open the lid with the edge of the burner. + +Within the vat was a crystal-clear liquid. + +"No odor," Casker said, bending over the vat. + +The crystal liquid lifted to meet him. + +Casker retreated so rapidly that he fell over a box. Hellman helped +him to his feet, and they approached the vat again. As they came near, +the liquid lifted itself three feet into the air and moved toward +them. + +"What've you done now?" Casker asked, moving back carefully. The +liquid flowed slowly over the side of the vat. It began to flow toward +him. + +"Hellman!" Casker shrieked. + +Hellman was standing to one side, perspiration pouring down his face, +reading his dictionary with a preoccupied frown. + +"Guess I bumbled the translation," he said. + +"Do something!" Casker shouted. The liquid was trying to back him into +a corner. + +"Nothing I can do," Hellman said, reading on. "Ah, here's the error. +It doesn't say 'Everyone drinks Voozy.' Wrong subject. 'Voozy drinks +_everyone_.' That tells us something! The Helgans must have soaked +liquid in through their pores. Naturally, they would prefer to be +drunk, instead of to drink." + +Casker tried to dodge around the liquid, but it cut him off with a +merry gurgle. Desperately he picked up a small bale and threw it at +the Voozy. The Voozy caught the bale and drank it. Then it discarded +that and turned back to Casker. + +Hellman tossed another box. The Voozy drank this one and a third and +fourth that Casker threw in. Then, apparently exhausted, it flowed +back into its vat. + +Casker clapped down the lid and sat on it, trembling violently. + +"Not so good," Hellman said. "We've been taking it for granted that +the Helgans had eating habits like us. But, of course, it doesn't +necessarily--" + +"No, it doesn't. No, sir, it certainly doesn't. I guess we can see +that it doesn't. Anyone can see that it doesn't--" + +"Stop that," Hellman ordered sternly. "We've no time for hysteria." + +"Sorry." Casker slowly moved away from the Voozy vat. + +"I guess we'll have to assume that their meat is our poison," Hellman +said thoughtfully. "So now we'll see if their poison is our meat." + +Casker didn't say anything. He was wondering what would have happened +if the Voozy had drunk him. + +In the corner, the rubbery block was still giggling to itself. + + * * * * * + +"Now here's a likely-looking poison," Hellman said, half an hour +later. + +Casker had recovered completely, except for an occasional twitch of +the lips. + +"What does it say?" he asked. + +Hellman rolled a tiny tube in the palm of his hand. "It's called +Pvastkin's Plugger. The label reads: WARNING! HIGHLY DANGEROUS! +PVASTKIN'S PLUGGER IS DESIGNED TO FILL HOLES OR CRACKS OF NOT MORE +THAN TWO CUBIC VIMS. HOWEVER--THE PLUGGER IS NOT TO BE EATEN UNDER ANY +CIRCUMSTANCES. THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT, RAMOTOL, WHICH MAKES PVASTKIN'S +SO EXCELLENT A PLUGGER RENDERS IT HIGHLY DANGEROUS WHEN TAKEN +INTERNALLY." + +"Sounds great," Casker said. "It'll probably blow us sky-high." + +"Do you have any other suggestions?" Hellman asked. + +Casker thought for a moment. The food of Helg was obviously +unpalatable for humans. So perhaps was their poison ... but wasn't +starvation better than this sort of thing? + +After a moment's communion with his stomach, he decided that +starvation was _not_ better. + +"Go ahead," he said. + +Hellman slipped the burner under his arm and unscrewed the top of the +little bottle. He shook it. + +Nothing happened. + +"It's got a seal," Casker pointed out. + +Hellman punctured the seal with his fingernail and set the bottle on +the floor. An evil-smelling green froth began to bubble out. + +Hellman looked dubiously at the froth. It was congealing into a glob +and spreading over the floor. + +"Yeast, perhaps," he said, gripping the burner tightly. + +"Come, come. Faint heart never filled an empty stomach." + +"I'm not holding _you_ back," Hellman said. + +The glob swelled to the size of a man's head. + +"How long is that supposed to go on?" Casker asked. + +"Well," Hellman said, "it's advertised as a Plugger. I suppose that's +what it does--expands to plug up holes." + +"Sure. But how _much_?" + +"Unfortunately, I don't know how much two cubic vims are. But it can't +go on much--" + +Belatedly, they noticed that the Plugger had filled almost a quarter +of the room and was showing no signs of stopping. + +"We should have believed the label!" Casker yelled to him, across the +spreading glob. "It _is_ dangerous!" + +As the Plugger produced more surface, it began to accelerate in its +growth. A sticky edge touched Hellman, and he jumped back. + +"Watch out!" + +He couldn't reach Casker, on the other side of the gigantic sphere of +blob. Hellman tried to run around, but the Plugger had spread, cutting +the room in half. It began to swell toward the walls. + +"Run for it!" Hellman yelled, and rushed to the door behind him. + + * * * * * + +He flung it open just as the expanding glob reached him. On the other +side of the room, he heard a door slam shut. Hellman didn't wait any +longer. He sprinted through and slammed the door behind him. + +He stood for a moment, panting, the burner in his hand. He hadn't +realized how weak he was. That sprint had cut his reserves of energy +dangerously close to the collapsing point. At least Casker had made +it, too, though. + +But he was still in trouble. + +The Plugger poured merrily through the blasted lock, into the room. +Hellman tried a practice shot on it, but the Plugger was evidently +impervious ... as, he realized, a good plugger should be. + +It was showing no signs of fatigue. + +Hellman hurried to the far wall. The door was locked, as the others +had been, so he burned out the lock and went through. + +How far could the glob expand? How much was two cubic vims? Two cubic +miles, perhaps? For all he knew, the Plugger was used to repair faults +in the crusts of planets. + +In the next room, Hellman stopped to catch his breath. He remembered +that the building was circular. He would burn his way through the +remaining doors and join Casker. They would burn their way outside +and.... + +Casker didn't have a burner! + +Hellman turned white with shock. Casker had made it into the room on +the right, because they had burned it open earlier. The Plugger was +undoubtedly oozing into that room, through the shattered lock ... and +Casker couldn't get out! The Plugger was on his left, a locked door on +his right! + +Rallying his remaining strength, Hellman began to run. Boxes seemed to +get in his way purposefully, tripping him, slowing him down. He +blasted the next door and hurried on to the next. And the next. And +the next. + +The Plugger couldn't expand _completely_ into Casker's room! + +Or could it? + +The wedge-shaped rooms, each a segment of a circle, seemed to stretch +before him forever, a jumbled montage of locked doors, alien goods, +more doors, more goods. Hellman fell over a crate, got to his feet and +fell again. He had reached the limit of his strength, and passed it. +But Casker was his friend. + +Besides, without a pilot, he'd never get off the place. + +Hellman struggled through two more rooms on trembling legs and then +collapsed in front of a third. + +"Is that you, Hellman?" he heard Casker ask, from the other side of +the door. + +"You all right?" Hellman managed to gasp. + +"Haven't much room in here," Casker said, "but the Plugger's stopped +growing. Hellman, get me out of here!" + + * * * * * + +Hellman lay on the floor panting. "Moment," he said. + +"Moment, hell!" Casker shouted. "Get me out. I've found water!" + +"What? How?" + +"Get me out of here!" + +Hellman tried to stand up, but his legs weren't cooperating. "What +happened?" he asked. + +"When I saw that glob filling the room, I figured I'd try to start up +the Super Custom Transport. Thought maybe it could knock down the door +and get me out. So I pumped it full of high-gain Integor fuel." + +"Yes?" Hellman said, still trying to get his legs under control. + +"That Super Custom Transport is an animal, Hellman! And the Integor +fuel is water! Now get me out!" + +Hellman lay back with a contented sigh. If he had had a little more +time, he would have worked out the whole thing himself, by pure logic. +But it was all very apparent now. The most efficient machine to go +over those vertical, razor-sharp mountains would be an animal, +probably with retractable suckers. It was kept in hibernation between +trips; and if it drank water, the other products designed for it would +be palatable, too. Of course they still didn't know much about the +late inhabitants, but undoubtedly.... + +"Burn down that door!" Casker shrieked, his voice breaking. + +Hellman was pondering the irony of it all. If one man's meat--_and_ +his poison--are your poison, then try eating something else. So +simple, really. + +But there was one thing that still bothered him. + +"How did you know it was an Earth-type animal?" he asked. + +"Its breath, stupid! It inhales and exhales and smells as if it's +eaten onions!" There was a sound of cans falling and bottles +shattering. "Now hurry!" + +"What's wrong?" Hellman asked, finally getting to his feet and poising +the burner. + +"The Custom Super Transport. It's got me cornered behind a pile of +cases. Hellman, it seems to think that I'm _its_ meat!" + +Broiled with the burner--well done for Hellman, medium rare for +Casker--it was their meat, with enough left over for the trip back to +Calao. + + --ROBERT SHECKLEY + + * * * * * + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of One Man's Poison, by Robert Sheckley + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONE MAN'S POISON *** + +***** This file should be named 32041.txt or 32041.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/0/4/32041/ + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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