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diff --git a/3186-h/3186-h.htm b/3186-h/3186-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ae5544 --- /dev/null +++ b/3186-h/3186-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,5526 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" +"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg Book of The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories, by Mark Twain</title> + +<style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify;} + p { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + +p.letter {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +p.center {text-align: center; + text-indent: 0em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; } + +</style> + </head> + <body> + +<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories, by Mark Twain</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online +at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you +are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the +country where you are located before using this eBook. +</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Mark Twain</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Illustrator: N.C. Wyeth</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: February 25, 2001 [eBook #3186]<br /> +[Most recently updated: August 26, 2021]</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> +<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> +<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: David Widger, Be Wolf and Donald F. Behan</div> +<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER ***</div> + + <h1> + THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + </h1> + <h2> + by Mark Twain + </h2> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0008}.jpg" alt="{0008}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0008}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> +<p class="letter"> + Note: “The Mysterious Stranger” was written in 1898 and + never finished. The editors of Twain's “Collected Works” + completed the story prior to publication. At what point in + this work Twain left off and where the editor's began + is not made clear in the print copy used as the basis of + this eBook. +</p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER </a><br /> <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> Chapter 1 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> Chapter 2 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> Chapter 3 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> Chapter 4 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> Chapter 5 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> Chapter 6 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> Chapter 7 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> Chapter 8 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> Chapter 9 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> Chapter 10 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> Chapter 11 </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> A FABLE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + </h2> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 1 + </h2> + <p> + It was in 1590—winter. Austria was far away from the world, and + asleep; it was still the Middle Ages in Austria, and promised to remain so + forever. Some even set it away back centuries upon centuries and said that + by the mental and spiritual clock it was still the Age of Belief in + Austria. But they meant it as a compliment, not a slur, and it was so + taken, and we were all proud of it. I remember it well, although I was + only a boy; and I remember, too, the pleasure it gave me. + </p> + <p> + Yes, Austria was far from the world, and asleep, and our village was in + the middle of that sleep, being in the middle of Austria. It drowsed in + peace in the deep privacy of a hilly and woodsy solitude where news from + the world hardly ever came to disturb its dreams, and was infinitely + content. At its front flowed the tranquil river, its surface painted with + cloud-forms and the reflections of drifting arks and stone-boats; behind + it rose the woody steeps to the base of the lofty precipice; from the top + of the precipice frowned a vast castle, its long stretch of towers and + bastions mailed in vines; beyond the river, a league to the left, was a + tumbled expanse of forest-clothed hills cloven by winding gorges where the + sun never penetrated; and to the right a precipice overlooked the river, + and between it and the hills just spoken of lay a far-reaching plain + dotted with little homesteads nested among orchards and shade trees. + </p> + <p> + The whole region for leagues around was the hereditary property of a + prince, whose servants kept the castle always in perfect condition for + occupancy, but neither he nor his family came there oftener than once in + five years. When they came it was as if the lord of the world had arrived, + and had brought all the glories of its kingdoms along; and when they went + they left a calm behind which was like the deep sleep which follows an + orgy. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0008}.jpg" alt="{0008}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0008}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + Eseldorf was a paradise for us boys. We were not overmuch pestered with + schooling. Mainly we were trained to be good Christians; to revere the + Virgin, the Church, and the saints above everything. Beyond these matters + we were not required to know much; and, in fact, not allowed to. Knowledge + was not good for the common people, and could make them discontented with + the lot which God had appointed for them, and God would not endure + discontentment with His plans. We had two priests. One of them, Father + Adolf, was a very zealous and strenuous priest, much considered. + </p> + <p> + There may have been better priests, in some ways, than Father Adolf, but + there was never one in our commune who was held in more solemn and awful + respect. This was because he had absolutely no fear of the Devil. He was + the only Christian I have ever known of whom that could be truly said. + People stood in deep dread of him on that account; for they thought that + there must be something supernatural about him, else he could not be so + bold and so confident. All men speak in bitter disapproval of the Devil, + but they do it reverently, not flippantly; but Father Adolf's way was very + different; he called him by every name he could lay his tongue to, and it + made everyone shudder that heard him; and often he would even speak of him + scornfully and scoffingly; then the people crossed themselves and went + quickly out of his presence, fearing that something fearful might happen. + </p> + <p> + Father Adolf had actually met Satan face to face more than once, and + defied him. This was known to be so. Father Adolf said it himself. He + never made any secret of it, but spoke it right out. And that he was + speaking true there was proof in at least one instance, for on that + occasion he quarreled with the enemy, and intrepidly threw his bottle at + him; and there, upon the wall of his study, was the ruddy splotch where it + struck and broke. +</p> + <p> +But it was Father Peter, the other priest, that we all + loved best and were sorriest for. Some people charged him with talking + around in conversation that God was all goodness and would find a way to + save all his poor human children. It was a horrible thing to say, but + there was never any absolute proof that Father Peter said it; and it was + out of character for him to say it, too, for he was always good and gentle + and truthful. He wasn't charged with saying it in the pulpit, where all + the congregation could hear and testify, but only outside, in talk; and it + is easy for enemies to manufacture that. Father Peter had an enemy and a + very powerful one, the astrologer who lived in a tumbled old tower up the + valley, and put in his nights studying the stars. Every one knew he could + foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was + always a war, and generally a famine somewhere. But he could also read any + man's life through the stars in a big book he had, and find lost property, + and every one in the village except Father Peter stood in awe of him. Even + Father Adolf, who had defied the Devil, had a wholesome respect for the + astrologer when he came through our village wearing his tall, pointed hat + and his long, flowing robe with stars on it, carrying his big book, and a + staff which was known to have magic power. The bishop himself sometimes + listened to the astrologer, it was said, for, besides studying the stars + and prophesying, the astrologer made a great show of piety, which would + impress the bishop, of course. + </p> + <p> + But Father Peter took no stock in the astrologer. He denounced him openly + as a charlatan—a fraud with no valuable knowledge of any kind, or + powers beyond those of an ordinary and rather inferior human being, which + naturally made the astrologer hate Father Peter and wish to ruin him. It + was the astrologer, as we all believed, who originated the story about + Father Peter's shocking remark and carried it to the bishop. It was said + that Father Peter had made the remark to his niece, Marget, though Marget + denied it and implored the bishop to believe her and spare her old uncle + from poverty and disgrace. But the bishop wouldn't listen. He suspended + Father Peter indefinitely, though he wouldn't go so far as to + excommunicate him on the evidence of only one witness; and now Father + Peter had been out a couple of years, and our other priest, Father Adolf, + had his flock. + </p> + <p> + Those had been hard years for the old priest and Marget. They had been + favorites, but of course that changed when they came under the shadow of + the bishop's frown. Many of their friends fell away entirely, and the rest + became cool and distant. Marget was a lovely girl of eighteen when the + trouble came, and she had the best head in the village, and the most in + it. She taught the harp, and earned all her clothes and pocket money by + her own industry. But her scholars fell off one by one now; she was + forgotten when there were dances and parties among the youth of the + village; the young fellows stopped coming to the house, all except Wilhelm + Meidling—and he could have been spared; she and her uncle were sad + and forlorn in their neglect and disgrace, and the sunshine was gone out + of their lives. Matters went worse and worse, all through the two years. + Clothes were wearing out, bread was harder and harder to get. And now, at + last, the very end was come. Solomon Isaacs had lent all the money he was + willing to put on the house, and gave notice that to-morrow he would + foreclose. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 2 + </h2> + <p> + Three of us boys were always together, and had been so from the cradle, + being fond of one another from the beginning, and this affection deepened + as the years went on—Nikolaus Bauman, son of the principal judge of + the local court; Seppi Wohlmeyer, son of the keeper of the principal inn, + the “Golden Stag,” which had a nice garden, with shade trees reaching down + to the riverside, and pleasure boats for hire; and I was the third—Theodor + Fischer, son of the church organist, who was also leader of the village + musicians, teacher of the violin, composer, tax-collector of the commune, + sexton, and in other ways a useful citizen, and respected by all. We knew + the hills and the woods as well as the birds knew them; for we were always + roaming them when we had leisure—at least, when we were not swimming + or boating or fishing, or playing on the ice or sliding down hill. + </p> + <p> + And we had the run of the castle park, and very few had that. It was + because we were pets of the oldest servingman in the castle—Felix + Brandt; and often we went there, nights, to hear him talk about old times + and strange things, and to smoke with him (he taught us that) and to drink + coffee; for he had served in the wars, and was at the siege of Vienna; and + there, when the Turks were defeated and driven away, among the captured + things were bags of coffee, and the Turkish prisoners explained the + character of it and how to make a pleasant drink out of it, and now he + always kept coffee by him, to drink himself and also to astonish the + ignorant with. When it stormed he kept us all night; and while it + thundered and lightened outside he told us about ghosts and horrors of + every kind, and of battles and murders and mutilations, and such things, + and made it pleasant and cozy inside; and he told these things from his + own experience largely. He had seen many ghosts in his time, and witches + and enchanters, and once he was lost in a fierce storm at midnight in the + mountains, and by the glare of the lightning had seen the Wild Huntsman + rage on the blast with his specter dogs chasing after him through the + driving cloud-rack. Also he had seen an incubus once, and several times he + had seen the great bat that sucks the blood from the necks of people while + they are asleep, fanning them softly with its wings and so keeping them + drowsy till they die. + </p> + <p> + He encouraged us not to fear supernatural things, such as ghosts, and said + they did no harm, but only wandered about because they were lonely and + distressed and wanted kindly notice and compassion; and in time we learned + not to be afraid, and even went down with him in the night to the haunted + chamber in the dungeons of the castle. The ghost appeared only once, and + it went by very dim to the sight and floated noiseless through the air, + and then disappeared; and we scarcely trembled, he had taught us so well. + He said it came up sometimes in the night and woke him by passing its + clammy hand over his face, but it did him no hurt; it only wanted sympathy + and notice. But the strangest thing was that he had seen angels—actual + angels out of heaven—and had talked with them. They had no wings, + and wore clothes, and talked and looked and acted just like any natural + person, and you would never know them for angels except for the wonderful + things they did which a mortal could not do, and the way they suddenly + disappeared while you were talking with them, which was also a thing which + no mortal could do. And he said they were pleasant and cheerful, not + gloomy and melancholy, like ghosts. + </p> + <p> + It was after that kind of a talk one May night that we got up next morning + and had a good breakfast with him and then went down and crossed the + bridge and went away up into the hills on the left to a woody hill-top + which was a favorite place of ours, and there we stretched out on the + grass in the shade to rest and smoke and talk over these strange things, + for they were in our minds yet, and impressing us. But we couldn't smoke, + because we had been heedless and left our flint and steel behind. + </p> + <p> + Soon there came a youth strolling toward us through the trees, and he sat + down and began to talk in a friendly way, just as if he knew us. But we + did not answer him, for he was a stranger and we were not used to + strangers and were shy of them. He had new and good clothes on, and was + handsome and had a winning face and a pleasant voice, and was easy and + graceful and unembarrassed, not slouchy and awkward and diffident, like + other boys. We wanted to be friendly with him, but didn't know how to + begin. Then I thought of the pipe, and wondered if it would be taken as + kindly meant if I offered it to him. But I remembered that we had no fire, + so I was sorry and disappointed. But he looked up bright and pleased, and + said: + </p> + <p> + “Fire? Oh, that is easy; I will furnish it.” + </p> + <p> + I was so astonished I couldn't speak; for I had not said anything. He took + the pipe and blew his breath on it, and the tobacco glowed red, and + spirals of blue smoke rose up. We jumped up and were going to run, for + that was natural; and we did run a few steps, although he was yearningly + pleading for us to stay, and giving us his word that he would not do us + any harm, but only wanted to be friends with us and have company. So we + stopped and stood, and wanted to go back, being full of curiosity and + wonder, but afraid to venture. He went on coaxing, in his soft, persuasive + way; and when we saw that the pipe did not blow up and nothing happened, + our confidence returned by little and little, and presently our curiosity + got to be stronger than our fear, and we ventured back—but slowly, + and ready to fly at any alarm. + </p> + <p> + He was bent on putting us at ease, and he had the right art; one could not + remain doubtful and timorous where a person was so earnest and simple and + gentle, and talked so alluringly as he did; no, he won us over, and it was + not long before we were content and comfortable and chatty, and glad we + had found this new friend. When the feeling of constraint was all gone we + asked him how he had learned to do that strange thing, and he said he + hadn't learned it at all; it came natural to him—like other things—other + curious things. + </p> + <p> + “What ones?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, a number; I don't know how many.” + </p> + <p> + “Will you let us see you do them?” + </p> + <p> + “Do—please!” the others said. + </p> + <p> + “You won't run away again?” + </p> + <p> + “No—indeed we won't. Please do. Won't you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, with pleasure; but you mustn't forget your promise, you know.” + </p> + <p> + We said we wouldn't, and he went to a puddle and came back with water in a + cup which he had made out of a leaf, and blew upon it and threw it out, + and it was a lump of ice the shape of the cup. We were astonished and + charmed, but not afraid any more; we were very glad to be there, and asked + him to go on and do some more things. And he did. He said he would give us + any kind of fruit we liked, whether it was in season or not. We all spoke + at once; + </p> + <p> + “Orange!” + </p> + <p> + “Apple!” + </p> + <p> + “Grapes!” + </p> + <p> + “They are in your pockets,” he said, and it was true. And they were of the + best, too, and we ate them and wished we had more, though none of us said + so. + </p> + <p> + “You will find them where those came from,” he said, “and everything else + your appetites call for; and you need not name the thing you wish; as long + as I am with you, you have only to wish and find.” + </p> + <p> + And he said true. There was never anything so wonderful and so + interesting. Bread, cakes, sweets, nuts—whatever one wanted, it was + there. He ate nothing himself, but sat and chatted, and did one curious + thing after another to amuse us. He made a tiny toy squirrel out of clay, + and it ran up a tree and sat on a limb overhead and barked down at us. + Then he made a dog that was not much larger than a mouse, and it treed the + squirrel and danced about the tree, excited and barking, and was as alive + as any dog could be. It frightened the squirrel from tree to tree and + followed it up until both were out of sight in the forest. He made birds + out of clay and set them free, and they flew away, singing. + </p> + <p> + At last I made bold to ask him to tell us who he was. + </p> + <p> + “An angel,” he said, quite simply, and set another bird free and clapped + his hands and made it fly away. + </p> + <p> + A kind of awe fell upon us when we heard him say that, and we were afraid + again; but he said we need not be troubled, there was no occasion for us + to be afraid of an angel, and he liked us, anyway. He went on chatting as + simply and unaffectedly as ever; and while he talked he made a crowd of + little men and women the size of your finger, and they went diligently to + work and cleared and leveled off a space a couple of yards square in the + grass and began to build a cunning little castle in it, the women mixing + the mortar and carrying it up the scaffoldings in pails on their heads, + just as our work-women have always done, and the men laying the courses of + masonry—five hundred of these toy people swarming briskly about and + working diligently and wiping the sweat off their faces as natural as + life. In the absorbing interest of watching those five hundred little + people make the castle grow step by step and course by course, and take + shape and symmetry, that feeling and awe soon passed away and we were + quite comfortable and at home again. We asked if we might make some + people, and he said yes, and told Seppi to make some cannon for the walls, + and told Nikolaus to make some halberdiers, with breastplates and greaves + and helmets, and I was to make some cavalry, with horses, and in allotting + these tasks he called us by our names, but did not say how he knew them. + Then Seppi asked him what his own name was, and he said, tranquilly, + “Satan,” and held out a chip and caught a little woman on it who was + falling from the scaffolding and put her back where she belonged, and + said, “She is an idiot to step backward like that and not notice what she + is about.” + </p> + <p> + It caught us suddenly, that name did, and our work dropped out of our + hands and broke to pieces—a cannon, a halberdier, and a horse. Satan + laughed, and asked what was the matter. I said, “Nothing, only it seemed a + strange name for an angel.” He asked why. + </p> + <p> + “Because it's—it's—well, it's his name, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—he is my uncle.” + </p> + <p> + He said it placidly, but it took our breath for a moment and made our + hearts beat. He did not seem to notice that, but mended our halberdiers + and things with a touch, handing them to us finished, and said, “Don't you + remember?—he was an angel himself, once.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—it's true,” said Seppi; “I didn't think of that.” + </p> + <p> + “Before the Fall he was blameless.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Nikolaus, “he was without sin.” + </p> + <p> + “It is a good family—ours,” said Satan; “there is not a better. He + is the only member of it that has ever sinned.” + </p> + <p> + I should not be able to make any one understand how exciting it all was. + You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are + seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a + fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and + your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be + anywhere but there, not for the world. I was bursting to ask one question—I + had it on my tongue's end and could hardly hold it back—but I was + ashamed to ask it; it might be a rudeness. Satan set an ox down that he + had been making, and smiled up at me and said: + </p> + <p> + “It wouldn't be a rudeness, and I should forgive it if it was. Have I seen + him? Millions of times. From the time that I was a little child a thousand + years old I was his second favorite among the nursery angels of our blood + and lineage—to use a human phrase—yes, from that time until + the Fall, eight thousand years, measured as you count time.” + </p> + <p> + “Eight—thousand!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” He turned to Seppi, and went on as if answering something that was + in Seppi's mind: “Why, naturally I look like a boy, for that is what I am. + With us what you call time is a spacious thing; it takes a long stretch of + it to grow an angel to full age.” There was a question in my mind, and he + turned to me and answered it, “I am sixteen thousand years old—counting + as you count.” Then he turned to Nikolaus and said: “No, the Fall did not + affect me nor the rest of the relationship. It was only he that I was + named for who ate of the fruit of the tree and then beguiled the man and + the woman with it. We others are still ignorant of sin; we are not able to + commit it; we are without blemish, and shall abide in that estate always. + We—” Two of the little workmen were quarreling, and in buzzing + little bumblebee voices they were cursing and swearing at each other; now + came blows and blood; then they locked themselves together in a + life-and-death struggle. Satan reached out his hand and crushed the life + out of them with his fingers, threw them away, wiped the red from his + fingers on his handkerchief, and went on talking where he had left off: + “We cannot do wrong; neither have we any disposition to do it, for we do + not know what it is.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed a strange speech, in the circumstances, but we barely noticed + that, we were so shocked and grieved at the wanton murder he had committed—for + murder it was, that was its true name, and it was without palliation or + excuse, for the men had not wronged him in any way. It made us miserable, + for we loved him, and had thought him so noble and so beautiful and + gracious, and had honestly believed he was an angel; and to have him do + this cruel thing—ah, it lowered him so, and we had had such pride in + him. He went right on talking, just as if nothing had happened, telling + about his travels, and the interesting things he had seen in the big + worlds of our solar system and of other solar systems far away in the + remotenesses of space, and about the customs of the immortals that inhabit + them, somehow fascinating us, enchanting us, charming us in spite of the + pitiful scene that was now under our eyes, for the wives of the little + dead men had found the crushed and shapeless bodies and were crying over + them, and sobbing and lamenting, and a priest was kneeling there with his + hands crossed upon his breast, praying; and crowds and crowds of pitying + friends were massed about them, reverently uncovered, with their bare + heads bowed, and many with the tears running down—a scene which + Satan paid no attention to until the small noise of the weeping and + praying began to annoy him, then he reached out and took the heavy board + seat out of our swing and brought it down and mashed all those people into + the earth just as if they had been flies, and went on talking just the + same. An angel, and kill a priest! An angel who did not know how to do + wrong, and yet destroys in cold blood hundreds of helpless poor men and + women who had never done him any harm! It made us sick to see that awful + deed, and to think that none of those poor creatures was prepared except + the priest, for none of them had ever heard a mass or seen a church. And + we were witnesses; we had seen these murders done and it was our duty to + tell, and let the law take its course. + </p> + <p> + But he went on talking right along, and worked his enchantments upon us + again with that fatal music of his voice. He made us forget everything; we + could only listen to him, and love him, and be his slaves, to do with us + as he would. He made us drunk with the joy of being with him, and of + looking into the heaven of his eyes, and of feeling the ecstasy that + thrilled along our veins from the touch of his hand. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 3 + </h2> + <p> + The Stranger had seen everything, he had been everywhere, he knew + everything, and he forgot nothing. What another must study, he learned at + a glance; there were no difficulties for him. And he made things live + before you when he told about them. He saw the world made; he saw Adam + created; he saw Samson surge against the pillars and bring the temple down + in ruins about him; he saw Caesar's death; he told of the daily life in + heaven; he had seen the damned writhing in the red waves of hell; and he + made us see all these things, and it was as if we were on the spot and + looking at them with our own eyes. And we felt them, too, but there was no + sign that they were anything to him beyond mere entertainments. Those + visions of hell, those poor babes and women and girls and lads and men + shrieking and supplicating in anguish—why, we could hardly bear it, + but he was as bland about it as if it had been so many imitation rats in + an artificial fire. + </p> + <p> + And always when he was talking about men and women here on the earth and + their doings—even their grandest and sublimest—we were + secretly ashamed, for his manner showed that to him they and their doings + were of paltry poor consequence; often you would think he was talking + about flies, if you didn't know. Once he even said, in so many words, that + our people down here were quite interesting to him, notwithstanding they + were so dull and ignorant and trivial and conceited, and so diseased and + rickety, and such a shabby, poor, worthless lot all around. He said it in + a quite matter-of-course way and without bitterness, just as a person + might talk about bricks or manure or any other thing that was of no + consequence and hadn't feelings. I could see he meant no offense, but in + my thoughts I set it down as not very good manners. + </p> + <p> + “Manners!” he said. “Why, it is merely the truth, and truth is good + manners; manners are a fiction. The castle is done. Do you like it?” + </p> + <p> + Any one would have been obliged to like it. It was lovely to look at, it + was so shapely and fine, and so cunningly perfect in all its particulars, + even to the little flags waving from the turrets. Satan said we must put + the artillery in place now, and station the halberdiers and display the + cavalry. Our men and horses were a spectacle to see, they were so little + like what they were intended for; for, of course, we had no art in making + such things. Satan said they were the worst he had seen; and when he + touched them and made them alive, it was just ridiculous the way they + acted, on account of their legs not being of uniform lengths. They reeled + and sprawled around as if they were drunk, and endangered everybody's + lives around them, and finally fell over and lay helpless and kicking. It + made us all laugh, though it was a shameful thing to see. The guns were + charged with dirt, to fire a salute, but they were so crooked and so badly + made that they all burst when they went off, and killed some of the + gunners and crippled the others. Satan said we would have a storm now, and + an earthquake, if we liked, but we must stand off a piece, out of danger. + We wanted to call the people away, too, but he said never mind them; they + were of no consequence, and we could make more, some time or other, if we + needed them. + </p> + <p> + A small storm-cloud began to settle down black over the castle, and the + miniature lightning and thunder began to play, and the ground to quiver, + and the wind to pipe and wheeze, and the rain to fall, and all the people + flocked into the castle for shelter. The cloud settled down blacker and + blacker, and one could see the castle only dimly through it; the lightning + blazed out flash upon flash and pierced the castle and set it on fire, and + the flames shone out red and fierce through the cloud, and the people came + flying out, shrieking, but Satan brushed them back, paying no attention to + our begging and crying and imploring; and in the midst of the howling of + the wind and volleying of the thunder the magazine blew up, the earthquake + rent the ground wide, and the castle's wreck and ruin tumbled into the + chasm, which swallowed it from sight, and closed upon it, with all that + innocent life, not one of the five hundred poor creatures escaping. Our + hearts were broken; we could not keep from crying. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0035}.jpg" alt="{0035}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0035}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + “Don't cry,” Satan said; “they were of no value.” + </p> + <p> + “But they are gone to hell!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it is no matter; we can make plenty more.” + </p> + <p> + It was of no use to try to move him; evidently he was wholly without + feelings, and could not understand. He was full of bubbling spirits, and + as gay as if this were a wedding instead of a fiendish massacre. And he + was bent on making us feel as he did, and of course his magic accomplished + his desire. It was no trouble to him; he did whatever he pleased with us. + In a little while we were dancing on that grave, and he was playing to us + on a strange, sweet instrument which he took out of his pocket; and the + music—but there is no music like that, unless perhaps in heaven, and + that was where he brought it from, he said. It made one mad, for pleasure; + and we could not take our eyes from him, and the looks that went out of + our eyes came from our hearts, and their dumb speech was worship. He + brought the dance from heaven, too, and the bliss of paradise was in it. + </p> + <p> + Presently he said he must go away on an errand. But we could not bear the + thought of it, and clung to him, and pleaded with him to stay; and that + pleased him, and he said so, and said he would not go yet, but would wait + a little while and we would sit down and talk a few minutes longer; and he + told us Satan was only his real name, and he was to be known by it to us + alone, but he had chosen another one to be called by in the presence of + others; just a common one, such as people have—Philip Traum. + </p> + <p> + It sounded so odd and mean for such a being! But it was his decision, and + we said nothing; his decision was sufficient. + </p> + <p> + We had seen wonders this day; and my thoughts began to run on the pleasure + it would be to tell them when I got home, but he noticed those thoughts, + and said: + </p> + <p> + “No, all these matters are a secret among us four. I do not mind your + trying to tell them, if you like, but I will protect your tongues, and + nothing of the secret will escape from them.” + </p> + <p> + It was a disappointment, but it couldn't be helped, and it cost us a sigh + or two. We talked pleasantly along, and he was always reading our thoughts + and responding to them, and it seemed to me that this was the most + wonderful of all the things he did, but he interrupted my musings and + said: + </p> + <p> + “No, it would be wonderful for you, but it is not wonderful for me. I am + not limited like you. I am not subject to human conditions. I can measure + and understand your human weaknesses, for I have studied them; but I have + none of them. My flesh is not real, although it would seem firm to your + touch; my clothes are not real; I am a spirit. Father Peter is coming.” We + looked around, but did not see any one. “He is not in sight yet, but you + will see him presently.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know him, Satan?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Won't you talk with him when he comes? He is not ignorant and dull, like + us, and he would so like to talk with you. Will you?” + </p> + <p> + “Another time, yes, but not now. I must go on my errand after a little. + There he is now; you can see him. Sit still, and don't say anything.” + </p> + <p> + We looked up and saw Father Peter approaching through the chestnuts. We + three were sitting together in the grass, and Satan sat in front of us in + the path. Father Peter came slowly along with his head down, thinking, and + stopped within a couple of yards of us and took off his hat and got out + his silk handkerchief, and stood there mopping his face and looking as if + he were going to speak to us, but he didn't. Presently he muttered, “I + can't think what brought me here; it seems as if I were in my study a + minute ago—but I suppose I have been dreaming along for an hour and + have come all this stretch without noticing; for I am not myself in these + troubled days.” Then he went mumbling along to himself and walked straight + through Satan, just as if nothing were there. It made us catch our breath + to see it. We had the impulse to cry out, the way you nearly always do + when a startling thing happens, but something mysteriously restrained us + and we remained quiet, only breathing fast. Then the trees hid Father + Peter after a little, and Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “It is as I told you—I am only a spirit.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, one perceives it now,” said Nikolaus, “but we are not spirits. It is + plain he did not see you, but were we invisible, too? He looked at us, but + he didn't seem to see us.” + </p> + <p> + “No, none of us was visible to him, for I wished it so.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed almost too good to be true, that we were actually seeing these + romantic and wonderful things, and that it was not a dream. And there he + sat, looking just like anybody—so natural and simple and charming, + and chatting along again the same as ever, and—well, words cannot + make you understand what we felt. It was an ecstasy; and an ecstasy is a + thing that will not go into words; it feels like music, and one cannot + tell about music so that another person can get the feeling of it. He was + back in the old ages once more now, and making them live before us. He had + seen so much, so much! It was just a wonder to look at him and try to + think how it must seem to have such experience behind one. + </p> + <p> + But it made you seem sorrowfully trivial, and the creature of a day, and + such a short and paltry day, too. And he didn't say anything to raise up + your drooping pride—no, not a word. He always spoke of men in the + same old indifferent way—just as one speaks of bricks and + manure-piles and such things; you could see that they were of no + consequence to him, one way or the other. He didn't mean to hurt us, you + could see that; just as we don't mean to insult a brick when we disparage + it; a brick's emotions are nothing to us; it never occurs to us to think + whether it has any or not. + </p> + <p> + Once when he was bunching the most illustrious kings and conquerors and + poets and prophets and pirates and beggars together—just a + brick-pile—I was shamed into putting in a word for man, and asked + him why he made so much difference between men and himself. He had to + struggle with that a moment; he didn't seem to understand how I could ask + such a strange question. Then he said: + </p> + <p> + “The difference between man and me? The difference between a mortal and an + immortal? between a cloud and a spirit?” He picked up a wood-louse that + was creeping along a piece of bark: “What is the difference between Caesar + and this?” + </p> + <p> + I said, “One cannot compare things which by their nature and by the + interval between them are not comparable.” + </p> + <p> + “You have answered your own question,” he said. “I will expand it. Man is + made of dirt—I saw him made. I am not made of dirt. Man is a museum + of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes to-day and is gone to-morrow; + he begins as dirt and departs as stench; I am of the aristocracy of the + Imperishables. And man has the Moral Sense. You understand? He has the + moral Sense. That would seem to be difference enough between us, all by + itself.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped there, as if that settled the matter. I was sorry, for at that + time I had but a dim idea of what the Moral Sense was. I merely knew that + we were proud of having it, and when he talked like that about it, it + wounded me, and I felt as a girl feels who thinks her dearest finery is + being admired and then overhears strangers making fun of it. For a while + we were all silent, and I, for one, was depressed. Then Satan began to + chat again, and soon he was sparkling along in such a cheerful and + vivacious vein that my spirits rose once more. He told some very cunning + things that put us in a gale of laughter; and when he was telling about + the time that Samson tied the torches to the foxes' tails and set them + loose in the Philistines' corn, and Samson sitting on the fence slapping + his thighs and laughing, with the tears running down his cheeks, and lost + his balance and fell off the fence, the memory of that picture got him to + laughing, too, and we did have a most lovely and jolly time. By and by he + said: + </p> + <p> + “I am going on my errand now.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't!” we all said. “Don't go; stay with us. You won't come back.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I will; I give you my word.” + </p> + <p> + “When? To-night? Say when.” + </p> + <p> + “It won't be long. You will see.” + </p> + <p> + “We like you.” + </p> + <p> + “And I you. And as a proof of it I will show you something fine to see. + Usually when I go I merely vanish; but now I will dissolve myself and let + you see me do it.” + </p> + <p> + He stood up, and it was quickly finished. He thinned away and thinned away + until he was a soap-bubble, except that he kept his shape. You could see + the bushes through him as clearly as you see things through a soap-bubble, + and all over him played and flashed the delicate iridescent colors of the + bubble, and along with them was that thing shaped like a window-sash which + you always see on the globe of the bubble. You have seen a bubble strike + the carpet and lightly bound along two or three times before it bursts. He + did that. He sprang—touched the grass—bounded—floated + along—touched again—and so on, and presently exploded—puff! + and in his place was vacancy. + </p> + <p> + It was a strange and beautiful thing to see. We did not say anything, but + sat wondering and dreaming and blinking; and finally Seppi roused up and + said, mournfully sighing: + </p> + <p> + “I suppose none of it has happened.” + </p> + <p> + Nikolaus sighed and said about the same. + </p> + <p> + I was miserable to hear them say it, for it was the same cold fear that + was in my own mind. Then we saw poor old Father Peter wandering along + back, with his head bent down, searching the ground. When he was pretty + close to us he looked up and saw us, and said, “How long have you been + here, boys?” + </p> + <p> + “A little while, Father.” + </p> + <p> + “Then it is since I came by, and maybe you can help me. Did you come up by + the path?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Father.” + </p> + <p> + “That is good. I came the same way. I have lost my wallet. There wasn't + much in it, but a very little is much to me, for it was all I had. I + suppose you haven't seen anything of it?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Father, but we will help you hunt.” + </p> + <p> + “It is what I was going to ask you. Why, here it is!” + </p> + <p> + We hadn't noticed it; yet there it lay, right where Satan stood when he + began to melt—if he did melt and it wasn't a delusion. Father Peter + picked it up and looked very much surprised. + </p> + <p> + “It is mine,” he said, “but not the contents. This is fat; mine was flat; + mine was light; this is heavy.” He opened it; it was stuffed as full as it + could hold with gold coins. He let us gaze our fill; and of course we did + gaze, for we had never seen so much money at one time before. All our + mouths came open to say “Satan did it!” but nothing came out. There it + was, you see—we couldn't tell what Satan didn't want told; he had + said so himself. + </p> + <p> + “Boys, did you do this?” + </p> + <p> + It made us laugh. And it made him laugh, too, as soon as he thought what a + foolish question it was. + </p> + <p> + “Who has been here?” + </p> + <p> + Our mouths came open to answer, but stood so for a moment, because we + couldn't say “Nobody,” for it wouldn't be true, and the right word didn't + seem to come; then I thought of the right one, and said it: + </p> + <p> + “Not a human being.” + </p> + <p> + “That is so,” said the others, and let their mouths go shut. + </p> + <p> + “It is not so,” said Father Peter, and looked at us very severely. “I came + by here a while ago, and there was no one here, but that is nothing; some + one has been here since. I don't mean to say that the person didn't pass + here before you came, and I don't mean to say you saw him, but some one + did pass, that I know. On your honor—you saw no one?” + </p> + <p> + “Not a human being.” + </p> + <p> + “That is sufficient; I know you are telling me the truth.” + </p> + <p> + He began to count the money on the path, we on our knees eagerly helping + to stack it in little piles. + </p> + <p> + “It's eleven hundred ducats odd!” he said. “Oh dear! if it were only mine—and + I need it so!” and his voice broke and his lips quivered. + </p> + <p> + “It is yours, sir!” we all cried out at once, “every heller!” + </p> + <p> + “No—it isn't mine. Only four ducats are mine; the rest...!” He fell + to dreaming, poor old soul, and caressing some of the coins in his hands, + and forgot where he was, sitting there on his heels with his old gray head + bare; it was pitiful to see. “No,” he said, waking up, “it isn't mine. I + can't account for it. I think some enemy... it must be a trap.” + </p> + <p> + Nikolaus said: “Father Peter, with the exception of the astrologer you + haven't a real enemy in the village—nor Marget, either. And not even + a half-enemy that's rich enough to chance eleven hundred ducats to do you + a mean turn. I'll ask you if that's so or not?” + </p> + <p> + He couldn't get around that argument, and it cheered him up. “But it isn't + mine, you see—it isn't mine, in any case.” + </p> + <p> + He said it in a wistful way, like a person that wouldn't be sorry, but + glad, if anybody would contradict him. + </p> + <p> + “It is yours, Father Peter, and we are witness to it. Aren't we, boys?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, we are—and we'll stand by it, too.” + </p> + <p> + “Bless your hearts, you do almost persuade me; you do, indeed. If I had + only a hundred-odd ducats of it! The house is mortgaged for it, and we've + no home for our heads if we don't pay to-morrow. And that four ducats is + all we've got in the—” + </p> + <p> + “It's yours, every bit of it, and you've got to take it—we are bail + that it's all right. Aren't we, Theodor? Aren't we, Seppi?” + </p> + <p> + We two said yes, and Nikolaus stuffed the money back into the shabby old + wallet and made the owner take it. So he said he would use two hundred of + it, for his house was good enough security for that, and would put the + rest at interest till the rightful owner came for it; and on our side we + must sign a paper showing how he got the money—a paper to show to + the villagers as proof that he had not got out of his troubles + dishonestly. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 4 + </h2> + <p> + It made immense talk next day, when Father Peter paid Solomon Isaacs in + gold and left the rest of the money with him at interest. Also, there was + a pleasant change; many people called at the house to congratulate him, + and a number of cool old friends became kind and friendly again; and, to + top all, Marget was invited to a party. + </p> + <p> + And there was no mystery; Father Peter told the whole circumstance just as + it happened, and said he could not account for it, only it was the plain + hand of Providence, so far as he could see. + </p> + <p> + One or two shook their heads and said privately it looked more like the + hand of Satan; and really that seemed a surprisingly good guess for + ignorant people like that. Some came slyly buzzing around and tried to + coax us boys to come out and “tell the truth;” and promised they wouldn't + ever tell, but only wanted to know for their own satisfaction, because the + whole thing was so curious. They even wanted to buy the secret, and pay + money for it; and if we could have invented something that would answer—but + we couldn't; we hadn't the ingenuity, so we had to let the chance go by, + and it was a pity. + </p> + <p> + We carried that secret around without any trouble, but the other one, the + big one, the splendid one, burned the very vitals of us, it was so hot to + get out and we so hot to let it out and astonish people with it. But we + had to keep it in; in fact, it kept itself in. Satan said it would, and it + did. We went off every day and got to ourselves in the woods so that we + could talk about Satan, and really that was the only subject we thought of + or cared anything about; and day and night we watched for him and hoped he + would come, and we got more and more impatient all the time. We hadn't any + interest in the other boys any more, and wouldn't take part in their games + and enterprises. They seemed so tame, after Satan; and their doings so + trifling and commonplace after his adventures in antiquity and the + constellations, and his miracles and meltings and explosions, and all + that. + </p> + <p> + During the first day we were in a state of anxiety on account of one + thing, and we kept going to Father Peter's house on one pretext or another + to keep track of it. That was the gold coin; we were afraid it would + crumble and turn to dust, like fairy money. If it did—But it didn't. + At the end of the day no complaint had been made about it, so after that + we were satisfied that it was real gold, and dropped the anxiety out of + our minds. + </p> + <p> + There was a question which we wanted to ask Father Peter, and finally we + went there the second evening, a little diffidently, after drawing straws, + and I asked it as casually as I could, though it did not sound as casual + as I wanted, because I didn't know how: + </p> + <p> + “What is the Moral Sense, sir?” + </p> + <p> + He looked down, surprised, over his great spectacles, and said, “Why, it + is the faculty which enables us to distinguish good from evil.” + </p> + <p> + It threw some light, but not a glare, and I was a little disappointed, + also to some degree embarrassed. He was waiting for me to go on, so, in + default of anything else to say, I asked, “Is it valuable?” + </p> + <p> + “Valuable? Heavens! lad, it is the one thing that lifts man above the + beasts that perish and makes him heir to immortality!” + </p> + <p> + This did not remind me of anything further to say, so I got out, with the + other boys, and we went away with that indefinite sense you have often had + of being filled but not fatted. They wanted me to explain, but I was + tired. + </p> + <p> + We passed out through the parlor, and there was Marget at the spinnet + teaching Marie Lueger. So one of the deserting pupils was back; and an + influential one, too; the others would follow. Marget jumped up and ran + and thanked us again, with tears in her eyes—this was the third time—for + saving her and her uncle from being turned into the street, and we told + her again we hadn't done it; but that was her way, she never could be + grateful enough for anything a person did for her; so we let her have her + say. And as we passed through the garden, there was Wilhelm Meidling + sitting there waiting, for it was getting toward the edge of the evening, + and he would be asking Marget to take a walk along the river with him when + she was done with the lesson. He was a young lawyer, and succeeding fairly + well and working his way along, little by little. He was very fond of + Marget, and she of him. He had not deserted along with the others, but had + stood his ground all through. His faithfulness was not lost on Marget and + her uncle. He hadn't so very much talent, but he was handsome and good, + and these are a kind of talents themselves and help along. He asked us how + the lesson was getting along, and we told him it was about done. And maybe + it was so; we didn't know anything about it, but we judged it would please + him, and it did, and didn't cost us anything. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 5 + </h2> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0055}.jpg" alt="{0055}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0055}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + On the fourth day comes the astrologer from his crumbling old tower up the + valley, where he had heard the news, I reckon. He had a private talk with + us, and we told him what we could, for we were mightily in dread of him. + He sat there studying and studying awhile to himself; then he asked: + </p> + <p> + “How many ducats did you say?” + </p> + <p> + “Eleven hundred and seven, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Then he said, as if he were talking to himself: “It is ver-y singular. + Yes... very strange. A curious coincidence.” Then he began to ask + questions, and went over the whole ground from the beginning, we + answering. By and by he said: “Eleven hundred and six ducats. It is a + large sum.” + </p> + <p> + “Seven,” said Seppi, correcting him. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, seven, was it? Of course a ducat more or less isn't of consequence, + but you said eleven hundred and six before.” + </p> + <p> + It would not have been safe for us to say he was mistaken, but we knew he + was. Nikolaus said, “We ask pardon for the mistake, but we meant to say + seven.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it is no matter, lad; it was merely that I noticed the discrepancy. + It is several days, and you cannot be expected to remember precisely. One + is apt to be inexact when there is no particular circumstance to impress + the count upon the memory.” + </p> + <p> + “But there was one, sir,” said Seppi, eagerly. + </p> + <p> + “What was it, my son?” asked the astrologer, indifferently. + </p> + <p> + “First, we all counted the piles of coin, each in turn, and all made it + the same—eleven hundred and six. But I had slipped one out, for fun, + when the count began, and now I slipped it back and said, 'I think there + is a mistake—there are eleven hundred and seven; let us count + again.' We did, and of course I was right. They were astonished; then I + told how it came about.” + </p> + <p> + The astrologer asked us if this was so, and we said it was. + </p> + <p> + “That settles it,” he said. “I know the thief now. Lads, the money was + stolen.” + </p> + <p> + Then he went away, leaving us very much troubled, and wondering what he + could mean. In about an hour we found out; for by that time it was all + over the village that Father Peter had been arrested for stealing a great + sum of money from the astrologer. Everybody's tongue was loose and going. + Many said it was not in Father Peter's character and must be a mistake; + but the others shook their heads and said misery and want could drive a + suffering man to almost anything. About one detail there were no + differences; all agreed that Father Peter's account of how the money came + into his hands was just about unbelievable—it had such an impossible + look. They said it might have come into the astrologer's hands in some + such way, but into Father Peter's, never! Our characters began to suffer + now. We were Father Peter's only witnesses; how much did he probably pay + us to back up his fantastic tale? People talked that kind of talk to us + pretty freely and frankly, and were full of scoffings when we begged them + to believe really we had told only the truth. Our parents were harder on + us than any one else. Our fathers said we were disgracing our families, + and they commanded us to purge ourselves of our lie, and there was no + limit to their anger when we continued to say we had spoken true. Our + mothers cried over us and begged us to give back our bribe and get back + our honest names and save our families from shame, and come out and + honorably confess. And at last we were so worried and harassed that we + tried to tell the whole thing, Satan and all—but no, it wouldn't + come out. We were hoping and longing all the time that Satan would come + and help us out of our trouble, but there was no sign of him. + </p> + <p> + Within an hour after the astrologer's talk with us, Father Peter was in + prison and the money sealed up and in the hands of the officers of the + law. The money was in a bag, and Solomon Isaacs said he had not touched it + since he had counted it; his oath was taken that it was the same money, + and that the amount was eleven hundred and seven ducats. Father Peter + claimed trial by the ecclesiastical court, but our other priest, Father + Adolf, said an ecclesiastical court hadn't jurisdiction over a suspended + priest. The bishop upheld him. That settled it; the case would go to trial + in the civil court. The court would not sit for some time to come. Wilhelm + Meidling would be Father Peter's lawyer and do the best he could, of + course, but he told us privately that a weak case on his side and all the + power and prejudice on the other made the outlook bad. + </p> + <p> + So Marget's new happiness died a quick death. No friends came to condole + with her, and none were expected; an unsigned note withdrew her invitation + to the party. There would be no scholars to take lessons. How could she + support herself? She could remain in the house, for the mortgage was paid + off, though the government and not poor Solomon Isaacs had the + mortgage-money in its grip for the present. Old Ursula, who was cook, + chambermaid, housekeeper, laundress, and everything else for Father Peter, + and had been Marget's nurse in earlier years, said God would provide. But + she said that from habit, for she was a good Christian. She meant to help + in the providing, to make sure, if she could find a way. + </p> + <p> + We boys wanted to go and see Marget and show friendliness for her, but our + parents were afraid of offending the community and wouldn't let us. The + astrologer was going around inflaming everybody against Father Peter, and + saying he was an abandoned thief and had stolen eleven hundred and seven + gold ducats from him. He said he knew he was a thief from that fact, for + it was exactly the sum he had lost and which Father Peter pretended he had + “found.” + </p> + <p> + In the afternoon of the fourth day after the catastrophe old Ursula + appeared at our house and asked for some washing to do, and begged my + mother to keep this secret, to save Marget's pride, who would stop this + project if she found it out, yet Marget had not enough to eat and was + growing weak. Ursula was growing weak herself, and showed it; and she ate + of the food that was offered her like a starving person, but could not be + persuaded to carry any home, for Marget would not eat charity food. She + took some clothes down to the stream to wash them, but we saw from the + window that handling the bat was too much for her strength; so she was + called back and a trifle of money offered her, which she was afraid to + take lest Marget should suspect; then she took it, saying she would + explain that she found it in the road. To keep it from being a lie and + damning her soul, she got me to drop it while she watched; then she went + along by there and found it, and exclaimed with surprise and joy, and + picked it up and went her way. Like the rest of the village, she could + tell every-day lies fast enough and without taking any precautions against + fire and brimstone on their account; but this was a new kind of lie, and + it had a dangerous look because she hadn't had any practice in it. After a + week's practice it wouldn't have given her any trouble. It is the way we + are made. + </p> + <p> + I was in trouble, for how would Marget live? Ursula could not find a coin + in the road every day—perhaps not even a second one. And I was + ashamed, too, for not having been near Marget, and she so in need of + friends; but that was my parents' fault, not mine, and I couldn't help it. + </p> + <p> + I was walking along the path, feeling very down-hearted, when a most + cheery and tingling freshening-up sensation went rippling through me, and + I was too glad for any words, for I knew by that sign that Satan was by. I + had noticed it before. Next moment he was alongside of me and I was + telling him all my trouble and what had been happening to Marget and her + uncle. While we were talking we turned a curve and saw old Ursula resting + in the shade of a tree, and she had a lean stray kitten in her lap and was + petting it. I asked her where she got it, and she said it came out of the + woods and followed her; and she said it probably hadn't any mother or any + friends and she was going to take it home and take care of it. Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “I understand you are very poor. Why do you want to add another mouth to + feed? Why don't you give it to some rich person?” + </p> + <p> + Ursula bridled at this and said: “Perhaps you would like to have it. You + must be rich, with your fine clothes and quality airs.” Then she sniffed + and said: “Give it to the rich—the idea! The rich don't care for + anybody but themselves; it's only the poor that have feeling for the poor, + and help them. The poor and God. God will provide for this kitten.” + </p> + <p> + “What makes you think so?” + </p> + <p> + Ursula's eyes snapped with anger. “Because I know it!” she said. “Not a + sparrow falls to the ground without His seeing it.” + </p> + <p> + “But it falls, just the same. What good is seeing it fall?” + </p> + <p> + Old Ursula's jaws worked, but she could not get any word out for the + moment, she was so horrified. When she got her tongue, she stormed out, + “Go about your business, you puppy, or I will take a stick to you!” + </p> + <p> + I could not speak, I was so scared. I knew that with his notions about the + human race Satan would consider it a matter of no consequence to strike + her dead, there being “plenty more”; but my tongue stood still, I could + give her no warning. But nothing happened; Satan remained tranquil—tranquil + and indifferent. I suppose he could not be insulted by Ursula any more + than the king could be insulted by a tumble-bug. The old woman jumped to + her feet when she made her remark, and did it as briskly as a young girl. + It had been many years since she had done the like of that. That was + Satan's influence; he was a fresh breeze to the weak and the sick, + wherever he came. His presence affected even the lean kitten, and it + skipped to the ground and began to chase a leaf. This surprised Ursula, + and she stood looking at the creature and nodding her head wonderingly, + her anger quite forgotten. + </p> + <p> + “What's come over it?” she said. “Awhile ago it could hardly walk.” + </p> + <p> + “You have not seen a kitten of that breed before,” said Satan. + </p> + <p> + Ursula was not proposing to be friendly with the mocking stranger, and she + gave him an ungentle look and retorted: “Who asked you to come here and + pester me, I'd like to know? And what do you know about what I've seen and + what I haven't seen?” + </p> + <p> + “You haven't seen a kitten with the hair-spines on its tongue pointing to + the front, have you?” + </p> + <p> + “No—nor you, either.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, examine this one and see.” + </p> + <p> + Ursula was become pretty spry, but the kitten was spryer, and she could + not catch it, and had to give it up. Then Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “Give it a name, and maybe it will come.” + </p> + <p> + Ursula tried several names, but the kitten was not interested. + </p> + <p> + “Call it Agnes. Try that.” + </p> + <p> + The creature answered to the name and came. Ursula examined its tongue. + “Upon my word, it's true!” she said. “I have not seen this kind of a cat + before. Is it yours?” + </p> + <p> + “No.” + </p> + <p> + “Then how did you know its name so pat?” + </p> + <p> + “Because all cats of that breed are named Agnes; they will not answer to + any other.” + </p> + <p> + Ursula was impressed. “It is the most wonderful thing!” Then a shadow of + trouble came into her face, for her superstitions were aroused, and she + reluctantly put the creature down, saying: “I suppose I must let it go; I + am not afraid—no, not exactly that, though the priest—well, + I've heard people—indeed, many people... And, besides, it is quite + well now and can take care of itself.” She sighed, and turned to go, + murmuring: “It is such a pretty one, too, and would be such company—and + the house is so sad and lonesome these troubled days... Miss Marget so + mournful and just a shadow, and the old master shut up in jail.” + </p> + <p> + “It seems a pity not to keep it,” said Satan. + </p> + <p> + Ursula turned quickly—just as if she were hoping some one would + encourage her. + </p> + <p> + “Why?” she asked, wistfully. + </p> + <p> + “Because this breed brings luck.” + </p> + <p> + “Does it? Is it true? Young man, do you know it to be true? How does it + bring luck?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it brings money, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + Ursula looked disappointed. “Money? A cat bring money? The idea! You could + never sell it here; people do not buy cats here; one can't even give them + away.” She turned to go. + </p> + <p> + “I don't mean sell it. I mean have an income from it. This kind is called + the Lucky Cat. Its owner finds four silver groschen in his pocket every + morning.” + </p> + <p> + I saw the indignation rising in the old woman's face. She was insulted. + This boy was making fun of her. That was her thought. She thrust her hands + into her pockets and straightened up to give him a piece of her mind. Her + temper was all up, and hot. Her mouth came open and let out three words of + a bitter sentence,... then it fell silent, and the anger in her face + turned to surprise or wonder or fear, or something, and she slowly brought + out her hands from her pockets and opened them and held them so. In one + was my piece of money, in the other lay four silver groschen. She gazed a + little while, perhaps to see if the groschen would vanish away; then she + said, fervently: + </p> + <p> + “It's true—it's true—and I'm ashamed and beg forgiveness, O + dear master and benefactor!” And she ran to Satan and kissed his hand, + over and over again, according to the Austrian custom. + </p> + <p> + In her heart she probably believed it was a witch-cat and an agent of the + Devil; but no matter, it was all the more certain to be able to keep its + contract and furnish a daily good living for the family, for in matters of + finance even the piousest of our peasants would have more confidence in an + arrangement with the Devil than with an archangel. Ursula started + homeward, with Agnes in her arms, and I said I wished I had her privilege + of seeing Marget. + </p> + <p> + Then I caught my breath, for we were there. There in the parlor, and + Marget standing looking at us, astonished. She was feeble and pale, but I + knew that those conditions would not last in Satan's atmosphere, and it + turned out so. I introduced Satan—that is, Philip Traum—and we + sat down and talked. There was no constraint. We were simple folk, in our + village, and when a stranger was a pleasant person we were soon friends. + Marget wondered how we got in without her hearing us. Traum said the door + was open, and we walked in and waited until she should turn around and + greet us. This was not true; no door was open; we entered through the + walls or the roof or down the chimney, or somehow; but no matter, what + Satan wished a person to believe, the person was sure to believe, and so + Marget was quite satisfied with that explanation. And then the main part + of her mind was on Traum, anyway; she couldn't keep her eyes off him, he + was so beautiful. That gratified me, and made me proud. I hoped he would + show off some, but he didn't. He seemed only interested in being friendly + and telling lies. He said he was an orphan. That made Marget pity him. The + water came into her eyes. He said he had never known his mamma; she passed + away while he was a young thing; and said his papa was in shattered + health, and had no property to speak of—in fact, none of any earthly + value—but he had an uncle in business down in the tropics, and he + was very well off and had a monopoly, and it was from this uncle that he + drew his support. The very mention of a kind uncle was enough to remind + Marget of her own, and her eyes filled again. She said she hoped their two + uncles would meet, some day. It made me shudder. Philip said he hoped so, + too; and that made me shudder again. + </p> + <p> + “Maybe they will,” said Marget. “Does your uncle travel much?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes, he goes all about; he has business everywhere.” + </p> + <p> + And so they went on chatting, and poor Marget forgot her sorrow for one + little while, anyway. It was probably the only really bright and cheery + hour she had known lately. I saw she liked Philip, and I knew she would. + And when he told her he was studying for the ministry I could see that she + liked him better than ever. And then, when he promised to get her admitted + to the jail so that she could see her uncle, that was the capstone. He + said he would give the guards a little present, and she must always go in + the evening after dark, and say nothing, “but just show this paper and + pass in, and show it again when you come out”—and he scribbled some + queer marks on the paper and gave it to her, and she was ever so thankful, + and right away was in a fever for the sun to go down; for in that old, + cruel time prisoners were not allowed to see their friends, and sometimes + they spent years in the jails without ever seeing a friendly face. I + judged that the marks on the paper were an enchantment, and that the + guards would not know what they were doing, nor have any memory of it + afterward; and that was indeed the way of it. Ursula put her head in at + the door now and said: + </p> + <p> + “Supper's ready, miss.” Then she saw us and looked frightened, and + motioned me to come to her, which I did, and she asked if we had told + about the cat. I said no, and she was relieved, and said please don't; for + if Miss Marget knew, she would think it was an unholy cat and would send + for a priest and have its gifts all purified out of it, and then there + wouldn't be any more dividends. So I said we wouldn't tell, and she was + satisfied. Then I was beginning to say good-by to Marget, but Satan + interrupted and said, ever so politely—well, I don't remember just + the words, but anyway he as good as invited himself to supper, and me, + too. Of course Marget was miserably embarrassed, for she had no reason to + suppose there would be half enough for a sick bird. Ursula heard him, and + she came straight into the room, not a bit pleased. At first she was + astonished to see Marget looking so fresh and rosy, and said so; then she + spoke up in her native tongue, which was Bohemian, and said—as I + learned afterward—“Send him away, Miss Marget; there's not victuals + enough.” + </p> + <p> + Before Marget could speak, Satan had the word, and was talking back to + Ursula in her own language—which was a surprise to her, and for her + mistress, too. He said, “Didn't I see you down the road awhile ago?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, that pleases me; I see you remember me.” He stepped to her and + whispered: “I told you it is a Lucky Cat. Don't be troubled; it will + provide.” + </p> + <p> + That sponged the slate of Ursula's feelings clean of its anxieties, and a + deep, financial joy shone in her eyes. The cat's value was augmenting. It + was getting full time for Marget to take some sort of notice of Satan's + invitation, and she did it in the best way, the honest way that was + natural to her. She said she had little to offer, but that we were welcome + if we would share it with her. + </p> + <p> + We had supper in the kitchen, and Ursula waited at table. A small fish was + in the frying-pan, crisp and brown and tempting, and one could see that + Marget was not expecting such respectable food as this. Ursula brought it, + and Marget divided it between Satan and me, declining to take any of it + herself; and was beginning to say she did not care for fish to-day, but + she did not finish the remark. It was because she noticed that another + fish had appeared in the pan. She looked surprised, but did not say + anything. She probably meant to inquire of Ursula about this later. There + were other surprises: flesh and game and wines and fruits—things + which had been strangers in that house lately; but Marget made no + exclamations, and now even looked unsurprised, which was Satan's + influence, of course. Satan talked right along, and was entertaining, and + made the time pass pleasantly and cheerfully; and although he told a good + many lies, it was no harm in him, for he was only an angel and did not + know any better. They do not know right from wrong; I knew this, because I + remembered what he had said about it. He got on the good side of Ursula. + He praised her to Marget, confidentially, but speaking just loud enough + for Ursula to hear. He said she was a fine woman, and he hoped some day to + bring her and his uncle together. Very soon Ursula was mincing and + simpering around in a ridiculous girly way, and smoothing out her gown and + prinking at herself like a foolish old hen, and all the time pretending + she was not hearing what Satan was saying. I was ashamed, for it showed us + to be what Satan considered us, a silly race and trivial. Satan said his + uncle entertained a great deal, and to have a clever woman presiding over + the festivities would double the attractions of the place. + </p> + <p> + “But your uncle is a gentleman, isn't he?” asked Marget. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Satan indifferently; “some even call him a Prince, out of + compliment, but he is not bigoted; to him personal merit is everything, + rank nothing.” + </p> + <p> + My hand was hanging down by my chair; Agnes came along and licked it; by + this act a secret was revealed. I started to say, “It is all a mistake; + this is just a common, ordinary cat; the hair-needles on her tongue point + inward, not outward.” But the words did not come, because they couldn't. + Satan smiled upon me, and I understood. + </p> + <p> + When it was dark Marget took food and wine and fruit, in a basket, and + hurried away to the jail, and Satan and I walked toward my home. I was + thinking to myself that I should like to see what the inside of the jail + was like; Satan overheard the thought, and the next moment we were in the + jail. We were in the torture-chamber, Satan said. The rack was there, and + the other instruments, and there was a smoky lantern or two hanging on the + walls and helping to make the place look dim and dreadful. There were + people there—and executioners—but as they took no notice of + us, it meant that we were invisible. A young man lay bound, and Satan said + he was suspected of being a heretic, and the executioners were about to + inquire into it. They asked the man to confess to the charge, and he said + he could not, for it was not true. Then they drove splinter after splinter + under his nails, and he shrieked with the pain. Satan was not disturbed, + but I could not endure it, and had to be whisked out of there. I was faint + and sick, but the fresh air revived me, and we walked toward my home. I + said it was a brutal thing. + </p> + <p> + “No, it was a human thing. You should not insult the brutes by such a + misuse of that word; they have not deserved it,” and he went on talking + like that. “It is like your paltry race—always lying, always + claiming virtues which it hasn't got, always denying them to the higher + animals, which alone possess them. No brute ever does a cruel thing—that + is the monopoly of those with the Moral Sense. When a brute inflicts pain + he does it innocently; it is not wrong; for him there is no such thing as + wrong. And he does not inflict pain for the pleasure of inflicting it—only + man does that. Inspired by that mongrel Moral Sense of his! A sense whose + function is to distinguish between right and wrong, with liberty to choose + which of them he will do. Now what advantage can he get out of that? He is + always choosing, and in nine cases out of ten he prefers the wrong. There + shouldn't be any wrong; and without the Moral Sense there couldn't be any. + And yet he is such an unreasoning creature that he is not able to perceive + that the Moral Sense degrades him to the bottom layer of animated beings + and is a shameful possession. Are you feeling better? Let me show you + something.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 6 + </h2> + <p> + In a moment we were in a French village. We walked through a great factory + of some sort, where men and women and little children were toiling in heat + and dirt and a fog of dust; and they were clothed in rags, and drooped at + their work, for they were worn and half starved, and weak and drowsy. + Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “It is some more Moral Sense. The proprietors are rich, and very holy; but + the wage they pay to these poor brothers and sisters of theirs is only + enough to keep them from dropping dead with hunger. The work-hours are + fourteen per day, winter and summer—from six in the morning till + eight at night—little children and all. And they walk to and from + the pigsties which they inhabit—four miles each way, through mud and + slush, rain, snow, sleet, and storm, daily, year in and year out. They get + four hours of sleep. They kennel together, three families in a room, in + unimaginable filth and stench; and disease comes, and they die off like + flies. Have they committed a crime, these mangy things? No. What have they + done, that they are punished so? Nothing at all, except getting themselves + born into your foolish race. You have seen how they treat a misdoer there + in the jail; now you see how they treat the innocent and the worthy. Is + your race logical? Are these ill-smelling innocents better off than that + heretic? Indeed, no; his punishment is trivial compared with theirs. They + broke him on the wheel and smashed him to rags and pulp after we left, and + he is dead now, and free of your precious race; but these poor slaves here—why, + they have been dying for years, and some of them will not escape from life + for years to come. It is the Moral Sense which teaches the factory + proprietors the difference between right and wrong—you perceive the + result. They think themselves better than dogs. Ah, you are such an + illogical, unreasoning race! And paltry—oh, unspeakably!” + </p> + <p> + Then he dropped all seriousness and just overstrained himself making fun + of us, and deriding our pride in our warlike deeds, our great heroes, our + imperishable fames, our mighty kings, our ancient aristocracies, our + venerable history—and laughed and laughed till it was enough to make + a person sick to hear him; and finally he sobered a little and said, “But, + after all, it is not all ridiculous; there is a sort of pathos about it + when one remembers how few are your days, how childish your pomps, and + what shadows you are!” + </p> + <p> + Presently all things vanished suddenly from my sight, and I knew what it + meant. The next moment we were walking along in our village; and down + toward the river I saw the twinkling lights of the Golden Stag. Then in + the dark I heard a joyful cry: + </p> + <p> + “He's come again!” + </p> + <p> + It was Seppi Wohlmeyer. He had felt his blood leap and his spirits rise in + a way that could mean only one thing, and he knew Satan was near, although + it was too dark to see him. He came to us, and we walked along together, + and Seppi poured out his gladness like water. It was as if he were a lover + and had found his sweetheart who had been lost. Seppi was a smart and + animated boy, and had enthusiasm and expression, and was a contrast to + Nikolaus and me. He was full of the last new mystery, now—the + disappearance of Hans Oppert, the village loafer. People were beginning to + be curious about it, he said. He did not say anxious—curious was the + right word, and strong enough. No one had seen Hans for a couple of days. + </p> + <p> + “Not since he did that brutal thing, you know,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “What brutal thing?” It was Satan that asked. + </p> + <p> + “Well, he is always clubbing his dog, which is a good dog, and his only + friend, and is faithful, and loves him, and does no one any harm; and two + days ago he was at it again, just for nothing—just for pleasure—and + the dog was howling and begging, and Theodor and I begged, too, but he + threatened us, and struck the dog again with all his might and knocked one + of his eyes out, and he said to us, 'There, I hope you are satisfied now; + that's what you have got for him by your damned meddling'—and he + laughed, the heartless brute.” Seppi's voice trembled with pity and anger. + I guessed what Satan would say, and he said it. + </p> + <p> + “There is that misused word again—that shabby slander. Brutes do not + act like that, but only men.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, it was inhuman, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “No, it wasn't, Seppi; it was human—quite distinctly human. It is + not pleasant to hear you libel the higher animals by attributing to them + dispositions which they are free from, and which are found nowhere but in + the human heart. None of the higher animals is tainted with the disease + called the Moral Sense. Purify your language, Seppi; drop those lying + phrases out of it.” + </p> + <p> + He spoke pretty sternly—for him—and I was sorry I hadn't + warned Seppi to be more particular about the word he used. I knew how he + was feeling. He would not want to offend Satan; he would rather offend all + his kin. There was an uncomfortable silence, but relief soon came, for + that poor dog came along now, with his eye hanging down, and went straight + to Satan, and began to moan and mutter brokenly, and Satan began to answer + in the same way, and it was plain that they were talking together in the + dog language. We all sat down in the grass, in the moonlight, for the + clouds were breaking away now, and Satan took the dog's head in his lap + and put the eye back in its place, and the dog was comfortable, and he + wagged his tail and licked Satan's hand, and looked thankful and said the + same; I knew he was saying it, though I did not understand the words. Then + the two talked together a bit, and Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “He says his master was drunk.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, he was,” said we. + </p> + <p> + “And an hour later he fell over the precipice there beyond the Cliff + Pasture.” + </p> + <p> + “We know the place; it is three miles from here.” + </p> + <p> + “And the dog has been often to the village, begging people to go there, + but he was only driven away and not listened to.” + </p> + <p> + We remembered it, but hadn't understood what he wanted. + </p> + <p> + “He only wanted help for the man who had misused him, and he thought only + of that, and has had no food nor sought any. He has watched by his master + two nights. What do you think of your race? Is heaven reserved for it, and + this dog ruled out, as your teachers tell you? Can your race add anything + to this dog's stock of morals and magnanimities?” He spoke to the + creature, who jumped up, eager and happy, and apparently ready for orders + and impatient to execute them. “Get some men; go with the dog—he + will show you that carrion; and take a priest along to arrange about + insurance, for death is near.” + </p> + <p> + With the last word he vanished, to our sorrow and disappointment. We got + the men and Father Adolf, and we saw the man die. Nobody cared but the + dog; he mourned and grieved, and licked the dead face, and could not be + comforted. We buried him where he was, and without a coffin, for he had no + money, and no friend but the dog. If we had been an hour earlier the + priest would have been in time to send that poor creature to heaven, but + now he was gone down into the awful fires, to burn forever. It seemed such + a pity that in a world where so many people have difficulty to put in + their time, one little hour could not have been spared for this poor + creature who needed it so much, and to whom it would have made the + difference between eternal joy and eternal pain. It gave an appalling idea + of the value of an hour, and I thought I could never waste one again + without remorse and terror. Seppi was depressed and grieved, and said it + must be so much better to be a dog and not run such awful risks. We took + this one home with us and kept him for our own. Seppi had a very good + thought as we were walking along, and it cheered us up and made us feel + much better. He said the dog had forgiven the man that had wronged him so, + and maybe God would accept that absolution. + </p> + <p> + There was a very dull week, now, for Satan did not come, nothing much was + going on, and we boys could not venture to go and see Marget, because the + nights were moonlit and our parents might find us out if we tried. But we + came across Ursula a couple of times taking a walk in the meadows beyond + the river to air the cat, and we learned from her that things were going + well. She had natty new clothes on and bore a prosperous look. The four + groschen a day were arriving without a break, but were not being spent for + food and wine and such things—the cat attended to all that. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0079}.jpg" alt="{0079}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0079}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + Marget was enduring her forsakenness and isolation fairly well, all things + considered, and was cheerful, by help of Wilhelm Meidling. She spent an + hour or two every night in the jail with her uncle, and had fattened him + up with the cat's contributions. But she was curious to know more about + Philip Traum, and hoped I would bring him again. Ursula was curious about + him herself, and asked a good many questions about his uncle. It made the + boys laugh, for I had told them the nonsense Satan had been stuffing her + with. She got no satisfaction out of us, our tongues being tied. + </p> + <p> + Ursula gave us a small item of information: money being plenty now, she + had taken on a servant to help about the house and run errands. She tried + to tell it in a commonplace, matter-of-course way, but she was so set up + by it and so vain of it that her pride in it leaked out pretty plainly. It + was beautiful to see her veiled delight in this grandeur, poor old thing, + but when we heard the name of the servant we wondered if she had been + altogether wise; for although we were young, and often thoughtless, we had + fairly good perception on some matters. This boy was Gottfried Narr, a + dull, good creature, with no harm in him and nothing against him + personally; still, he was under a cloud, and properly so, for it had not + been six months since a social blight had mildewed the family—his + grandmother had been burned as a witch. When that kind of a malady is in + the blood it does not always come out with just one burning. Just now was + not a good time for Ursula and Marget to be having dealings with a member + of such a family, for the witch-terror had risen higher during the past + year than it had ever reached in the memory of the oldest villagers. The + mere mention of a witch was almost enough to frighten us out of our wits. + This was natural enough, because of late years there were more kinds of + witches than there used to be; in old times it had been only old women, + but of late years they were of all ages—even children of eight and + nine; it was getting so that anybody might turn out to be a familiar of + the Devil—age and sex hadn't anything to do with it. In our little + region we had tried to extirpate the witches, but the more of them we + burned the more of the breed rose up in their places. + </p> + <p> + Once, in a school for girls only ten miles away, the teachers found that + the back of one of the girls was all red and inflamed, and they were + greatly frightened, believing it to be the Devil's marks. The girl was + scared, and begged them not to denounce her, and said it was only fleas; + but of course it would not do to let the matter rest there. All the girls + were examined, and eleven out of the fifty were badly marked, the rest + less so. A commission was appointed, but the eleven only cried for their + mothers and would not confess. Then they were shut up, each by herself, in + the dark, and put on black bread and water for ten days and nights; and by + that time they were haggard and wild, and their eyes were dry and they did + not cry any more, but only sat and mumbled, and would not take the food. + Then one of them confessed, and said they had often ridden through the air + on broomsticks to the witches' Sabbath, and in a bleak place high up in + the mountains had danced and drunk and caroused with several hundred other + witches and the Evil One, and all had conducted themselves in a scandalous + way and had reviled the priests and blasphemed God. That is what she said—not + in narrative form, for she was not able to remember any of the details + without having them called to her mind one after the other; but the + commission did that, for they knew just what questions to ask, they being + all written down for the use of witch-commissioners two centuries before. + They asked, “Did you do so and so?” and she always said yes, and looked + weary and tired, and took no interest in it. And so when the other ten + heard that this one confessed, they confessed, too, and answered yes to + the questions. Then they were burned at the stake all together, which was + just and right; and everybody went from all the countryside to see it. I + went, too; but when I saw that one of them was a bonny, sweet girl I used + to play with, and looked so pitiful there chained to the stake, and her + mother crying over her and devouring her with kisses and clinging around + her neck, and saying, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” it was too dreadful, and I + went away. + </p> + <p> + It was bitter cold weather when Gottfried's grandmother was burned. It was + charged that she had cured bad headaches by kneading the person's head and + neck with her fingers—as she said—but really by the Devil's + help, as everybody knew. They were going to examine her, but she stopped + them, and confessed straight off that her power was from the Devil. So + they appointed to burn her next morning, early, in our market-square. The + officer who was to prepare the fire was there first, and prepared it. She + was there next—brought by the constables, who left her and went to + fetch another witch. Her family did not come with her. They might be + reviled, maybe stoned, if the people were excited. I came, and gave her an + apple. She was squatting at the fire, warming herself and waiting; and her + old lips and hands were blue with the cold. A stranger came next. He was a + traveler, passing through; and he spoke to her gently, and, seeing nobody + but me there to hear, said he was sorry for her. And he asked if what she + confessed was true, and she said no. He looked surprised and still more + sorry then, and asked her: + </p> + <p> + “Then why did you confess?” + </p> + <p> + “I am old and very poor,” she said, “and I work for my living. There was + no way but to confess. If I hadn't they might have set me free. That would + ruin me, for no one would forget that I had been suspected of being a + witch, and so I would get no more work, and wherever I went they would set + the dogs on me. In a little while I would starve. The fire is best; it is + soon over. You have been good to me, you two, and I thank you.” + </p> + <p> + She snuggled closer to the fire, and put out her hands to warm them, the + snow-flakes descending soft and still on her old gray head and making it + white and whiter. The crowd was gathering now, and an egg came flying and + struck her in the eye, and broke and ran down her face. There was a laugh + at that. + </p> + <p> + I told Satan all about the eleven girls and the old woman, once, but it + did not affect him. He only said it was the human race, and what the human + race did was of no consequence. And he said he had seen it made; and it + was not made of clay; it was made of mud—part of it was, anyway. I + knew what he meant by that—the Moral Sense. He saw the thought in my + head, and it tickled him and made him laugh. Then he called a bullock out + of a pasture and petted it and talked with it, and said: + </p> + <p> + “There—he wouldn't drive children mad with hunger and fright and + loneliness, and then burn them for confessing to things invented for them + which had never happened. And neither would he break the hearts of + innocent, poor old women and make them afraid to trust themselves among + their own race; and he would not insult them in their death-agony. For he + is not besmirched with the Moral Sense, but is as the angels are, and + knows no wrong, and never does it.” + </p> + <p> + Lovely as he was, Satan could be cruelly offensive when he chose; and he + always chose when the human race was brought to his attention. He always + turned up his nose at it, and never had a kind word for it. + </p> + <p> + Well, as I was saying, we boys doubted if it was a good time for Ursula to + be hiring a member of the Narr family. We were right. When the people + found it out they were naturally indignant. And, moreover, since Marget + and Ursula hadn't enough to eat themselves, where was the money coming + from to feed another mouth? That is what they wanted to know; and in order + to find out they stopped avoiding Gottfried and began to seek his society + and have sociable conversations with him. He was pleased—not + thinking any harm and not seeing the trap—and so he talked + innocently along, and was no discreeter than a cow. + </p> + <p> + “Money!” he said; “they've got plenty of it. They pay me two groschen a + week, besides my keep. And they live on the fat of the land, I can tell + you; the prince himself can't beat their table.” + </p> + <p> + This astonishing statement was conveyed by the astrologer to Father Adolf + on a Sunday morning when he was returning from mass. He was deeply moved, + and said: + </p> + <p> + “This must be looked into.” + </p> + <p> + He said there must be witchcraft at the bottom of it, and told the + villagers to resume relations with Marget and Ursula in a private and + unostentatious way, and keep both eyes open. They were told to keep their + own counsel, and not rouse the suspicions of the household. The villagers + were at first a bit reluctant to enter such a dreadful place, but the + priest said they would be under his protection while there, and no harm + could come to them, particularly if they carried a trifle of holy water + along and kept their beads and crosses handy. This satisfied them and made + them willing to go; envy and malice made the baser sort even eager to go. + </p> + <p> + And so poor Marget began to have company again, and was as pleased as a + cat. She was like 'most anybody else—just human, and happy in her + prosperities and not averse from showing them off a little; and she was + humanly grateful to have the warm shoulder turned to her and be smiled + upon by her friends and the village again; for of all the hard things to + bear, to be cut by your neighbors and left in contemptuous solitude is + maybe the hardest. + </p> + <p> + The bars were down, and we could all go there now, and we did—our + parents and all—day after day. The cat began to strain herself. She + provided the top of everything for those companies, and in abundance—among + them many a dish and many a wine which they had not tasted before and + which they had not even heard of except at second-hand from the prince's + servants. And the tableware was much above ordinary, too. + </p> + <p> + Marget was troubled at times, and pursued Ursula with questions to an + uncomfortable degree; but Ursula stood her ground and stuck to it that it + was Providence, and said no word about the cat. Marget knew that nothing + was impossible to Providence, but she could not help having doubts that + this effort was from there, though she was afraid to say so, lest disaster + come of it. Witchcraft occurred to her, but she put the thought aside, for + this was before Gottfried joined the household, and she knew Ursula was + pious and a bitter hater of witches. By the time Gottfried arrived + Providence was established, unshakably intrenched, and getting all the + gratitude. The cat made no murmur, but went on composedly improving in + style and prodigality by experience. + </p> + <p> + In any community, big or little, there is always a fair proportion of + people who are not malicious or unkind by nature, and who never do unkind + things except when they are overmastered by fear, or when their + self-interest is greatly in danger, or some such matter as that. Eseldorf + had its proportion of such people, and ordinarily their good and gentle + influence was felt, but these were not ordinary times—on account of + the witch-dread—and so we did not seem to have any gentle and + compassionate hearts left, to speak of. Every person was frightened at the + unaccountable state of things at Marget's house, not doubting that + witchcraft was at the bottom of it, and fright frenzied their reason. + Naturally there were some who pitied Marget and Ursula for the danger that + was gathering about them, but naturally they did not say so; it would not + have been safe. So the others had it all their own way, and there was none + to advise the ignorant girl and the foolish woman and warn them to modify + their doings. We boys wanted to warn them, but we backed down when it came + to the pinch, being afraid. We found that we were not manly enough nor + brave enough to do a generous action when there was a chance that it could + get us into trouble. Neither of us confessed this poor spirit to the + others, but did as other people would have done—dropped the subject + and talked about something else. And I knew we all felt mean, eating and + drinking Marget's fine things along with those companies of spies, and + petting her and complimenting her with the rest, and seeing with + self-reproach how foolishly happy she was, and never saying a word to put + her on her guard. And, indeed, she was happy, and as proud as a princess, + and so grateful to have friends again. And all the time these people were + watching with all their eyes and reporting all they saw to Father Adolf. + </p> + <p> + But he couldn't make head or tail of the situation. There must be an + enchanter somewhere on the premises, but who was it? Marget was not seen + to do any jugglery, nor was Ursula, nor yet Gottfried; and still the wines + and dainties never ran short, and a guest could not call for a thing and + not get it. To produce these effects was usual enough with witches and + enchanters—that part of it was not new; but to do it without any + incantations, or even any rumblings or earthquakes or lightnings or + apparitions—that was new, novel, wholly irregular. There was nothing + in the books like this. Enchanted things were always unreal. Gold turned + to dirt in an unenchanted atmosphere, food withered away and vanished. But + this test failed in the present case. The spies brought samples: Father + Adolf prayed over them, exorcised them, but it did no good; they remained + sound and real, they yielded to natural decay only, and took the usual + time to do it. + </p> + <p> + Father Adolf was not merely puzzled, he was also exasperated; for these + evidences very nearly convinced him—privately—that there was + no witchcraft in the matter. It did not wholly convince him, for this + could be a new kind of witchcraft. There was a way to find out as to this: + if this prodigal abundance of provender was not brought in from the + outside, but produced on the premises, there was witchcraft, sure. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 7 + </h2> + <p> + Marget announced a party, and invited forty people; the date for it was + seven days away. This was a fine opportunity. Marget's house stood by + itself, and it could be easily watched. All the week it was watched night + and day. Marget's household went out and in as usual, but they carried + nothing in their hands, and neither they nor others brought anything to + the house. This was ascertained. Evidently rations for forty people were + not being fetched. If they were furnished any sustenance it would have to + be made on the premises. It was true that Marget went out with a basket + every evening, but the spies ascertained that she always brought it back + empty. + </p> + <p> + The guests arrived at noon and filled the place. Father Adolf followed; + also, after a little, the astrologer, without invitation. The spies had + informed him that neither at the back nor the front had any parcels been + brought in. He entered, and found the eating and drinking going on finely, + and everything progressing in a lively and festive way. He glanced around + and perceived that many of the cooked delicacies and all of the native and + foreign fruits were of a perishable character, and he also recognized that + these were fresh and perfect. No apparitions, no incantations, no thunder. + That settled it. This was witchcraft. And not only that, but of a new kind—a + kind never dreamed of before. It was a prodigious power, an illustrious + power; he resolved to discover its secret. The announcement of it would + resound throughout the world, penetrate to the remotest lands, paralyze + all the nations with amazement—and carry his name with it, and make + him renowned forever. It was a wonderful piece of luck, a splendid piece + of luck; the glory of it made him dizzy. + </p> + <p> + All the house made room for him; Marget politely seated him; Ursula + ordered Gottfried to bring a special table for him. Then she decked it and + furnished it, and asked for his orders. + </p> + <p> + “Bring me what you will,” he said. + </p> + <p> + The two servants brought supplies from the pantry, together with white + wine and red—a bottle of each. The astrologer, who very likely had + never seen such delicacies before, poured out a beaker of red wine, drank + it off, poured another, then began to eat with a grand appetite. + </p> + <p> + I was not expecting Satan, for it was more than a week since I had seen or + heard of him, but now he came in—I knew it by the feel, though + people were in the way and I could not see him. I heard him apologizing + for intruding; and he was going away, but Marget urged him to stay, and he + thanked her and stayed. She brought him along, introducing him to the + girls, and to Meidling, and to some of the elders; and there was quite a + rustle of whispers: “It's the young stranger we hear so much about and + can't get sight of, he is away so much.” “Dear, dear, but he is beautiful—what + is his name?” “Philip Traum.” “Ah, it fits him!” (You see, “Traum” is + German for “Dream.”) “What does he do?” “Studying for the ministry, they + say.” “His face is his fortune—he'll be a cardinal some day.” “Where + is his home?” “Away down somewhere in the tropics, they say—has a + rich uncle down there.” And so on. He made his way at once; everybody was + anxious to know him and talk with him. Everybody noticed how cool and + fresh it was, all of a sudden, and wondered at it, for they could see that + the sun was beating down the same as before, outside, and the sky was + clear of clouds, but no one guessed the reason, of course. + </p> + <p> + The astrologer had drunk his second beaker; he poured out a third. He set + the bottle down, and by accident overturned it. He seized it before much + was spilled, and held it up to the light, saying, “What a pity—it is + royal wine.” Then his face lighted with joy or triumph, or something, and + he said, “Quick! Bring a bowl.” + </p> + <p> + It was brought—a four-quart one. He took up that two-pint bottle and + began to pour; went on pouring, the red liquor gurgling and gushing into + the white bowl and rising higher and higher up its sides, everybody + staring and holding their breath—and presently the bowl was full to + the brim. + </p> + <p> + “Look at the bottle,” he said, holding it up; “it is full yet!” I glanced + at Satan, and in that moment he vanished. Then Father Adolf rose up, + flushed and excited, crossed himself, and began to thunder in his great + voice, “This house is bewitched and accursed!” People began to cry and + shriek and crowd toward the door. “I summon this detected household to—” + </p> + <p> + His words were cut off short. His face became red, then purple, but he + could not utter another sound. Then I saw Satan, a transparent film, melt + into the astrologer's body; then the astrologer put up his hand, and + apparently in his own voice said, “Wait—remain where you are.” All + stopped where they stood. “Bring a funnel!” Ursula brought it, trembling + and scared, and he stuck it in the bottle and took up the great bowl and + began to pour the wine back, the people gazing and dazed with + astonishment, for they knew the bottle was already full before he began. + He emptied the whole of the bowl into the bottle, then smiled out over the + room, chuckled, and said, indifferently: “It is nothing—anybody can + do it! With my powers I can even do much more.” + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0095}.jpg" alt="{0095}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0095}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + A frightened cry burst out everywhere. “Oh, my God, he is possessed!” and + there was a tumultuous rush for the door which swiftly emptied the house + of all who did not belong in it except us boys and Meidling. We boys knew + the secret, and would have told it if we could, but we couldn't. We were + very thankful to Satan for furnishing that good help at the needful time. + </p> + <p> + Marget was pale, and crying; Meidling looked kind of petrified; Ursula the + same; but Gottfried was the worst—he couldn't stand, he was so weak + and scared. For he was of a witch family, you know, and it would be bad + for him to be suspected. Agnes came loafing in, looking pious and unaware, + and wanted to rub up against Ursula and be petted, but Ursula was afraid + of her and shrank away from her, but pretending she was not meaning any + incivility, for she knew very well it wouldn't answer to have strained + relations with that kind of a cat. But we boys took Agnes and petted her, + for Satan would not have befriended her if he had not had a good opinion + of her, and that was indorsement enough for us. He seemed to trust + anything that hadn't the Moral Sense. + </p> + <p> + Outside, the guests, panic-stricken, scattered in every direction and fled + in a pitiable state of terror; and such a tumult as they made with their + running and sobbing and shrieking and shouting that soon all the village + came flocking from their houses to see what had happened, and they + thronged the street and shouldered and jostled one another in excitement + and fright; and then Father Adolf appeared, and they fell apart in two + walls like the cloven Red Sea, and presently down this lane the astrologer + came striding and mumbling, and where he passed the lanes surged back in + packed masses, and fell silent with awe, and their eyes stared and their + breasts heaved, and several women fainted; and when he was gone by the + crowd swarmed together and followed him at a distance, talking excitedly + and asking questions and finding out the facts. Finding out the facts and + passing them on to others, with improvements—improvements which soon + enlarged the bowl of wine to a barrel, and made the one bottle hold it all + and yet remain empty to the last. + </p> + <p> + When the astrologer reached the market-square he went straight to a + juggler, fantastically dressed, who was keeping three brass balls in the + air, and took them from him and faced around upon the approaching crowd + and said: “This poor clown is ignorant of his art. Come forward and see an + expert perform.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he tossed the balls up one after another and set them whirling + in a slender bright oval in the air, and added another, then another and + another, and soon—no one seeing whence he got them—adding, + adding, adding, the oval lengthening all the time, his hands moving so + swiftly that they were just a web or a blur and not distinguishable as + hands; and such as counted said there were now a hundred balls in the air. + The spinning great oval reached up twenty feet in the air and was a + shining and glinting and wonderful sight. Then he folded his arms and told + the balls to go on spinning without his help—and they did it. After + a couple of minutes he said, “There, that will do,” and the oval broke and + came crashing down, and the balls scattered abroad and rolled every + whither. And wherever one of them came the people fell back in dread, and + no one would touch it. It made him laugh, and he scoffed at the people and + called them cowards and old women. Then he turned and saw the tight-rope, + and said foolish people were daily wasting their money to see a clumsy and + ignorant varlet degrade that beautiful art; now they should see the work + of a master. With that he made a spring into the air and lit firm on his + feet on the rope. Then he hopped the whole length of it back and forth on + one foot, with his hands clasped over his eyes; and next he began to throw + somersaults, both backward and forward, and threw twenty-seven. + </p> + <p> + The people murmured, for the astrologer was old, and always before had + been halting of movement and at times even lame, but he was nimble enough + now and went on with his antics in the liveliest manner. Finally he sprang + lightly down and walked away, and passed up the road and around the corner + and disappeared. Then that great, pale, silent, solid crowd drew a deep + breath and looked into one another's faces as if they said: “Was it real? + Did you see it, or was it only I—and was I dreaming?” Then they + broke into a low murmur of talking, and fell apart in couples, and moved + toward their homes, still talking in that awed way, with faces close + together and laying a hand on an arm and making other such gestures as + people make when they have been deeply impressed by something. + </p> + <p> + We boys followed behind our fathers, and listened, catching all we could + of what they said; and when they sat down in our house and continued their + talk they still had us for company. They were in a sad mood, for it was + certain, they said, that disaster for the village must follow this awful + visitation of witches and devils. Then my father remembered that father + Adolf had been struck dumb at the moment of his denunciation. + </p> + <p> + “They have not ventured to lay their hands upon an anointed servant of God + before,” he said; “and how they could have dared it this time I cannot + make out, for he wore his crucifix. Isn't it so?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the others, “we saw it.” + </p> + <p> + “It is serious, friends, it is very serious. Always before, we had a + protection. It has failed.” + </p> + <p> + The others shook, as with a sort of chill, and muttered those words over—“It + has failed.” “God has forsaken us.” + </p> + <p> + “It is true,” said Seppi Wohlmeyer's father; “there is nowhere to look for + help.” + </p> + <p> + “The people will realize this,” said Nikolaus's father, the judge, “and + despair will take away their courage and their energies. We have indeed + fallen upon evil times.” + </p> + <p> + He sighed, and Wohlmeyer said, in a troubled voice: “The report of it all + will go about the country, and our village will be shunned as being under + the displeasure of God. The Golden Stag will know hard times.” + </p> + <p> + “True, neighbor,” said my father; “all of us will suffer—all in + repute, many in estate. And, good God!—” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” + </p> + <p> + “That can come—to finish us!” + </p> + <p> + “Name it—um Gottes Willen!” + </p> + <p> + “The Interdict!” + </p> + <p> + It smote like a thunderclap, and they were like to swoon with the terror + of it. Then the dread of this calamity roused their energies, and they + stopped brooding and began to consider ways to avert it. They discussed + this, that, and the other way, and talked till the afternoon was far + spent, then confessed that at present they could arrive at no decision. So + they parted sorrowfully, with oppressed hearts which were filled with + bodings. + </p> + <p> + While they were saying their parting words I slipped out and set my course + for Marget's house to see what was happening there. I met many people, but + none of them greeted me. It ought to have been surprising, but it was not, + for they were so distraught with fear and dread that they were not in + their right minds, I think; they were white and haggard, and walked like + persons in a dream, their eyes open but seeing nothing, their lips moving + but uttering nothing, and worriedly clasping and unclasping their hands + without knowing it. + </p> + <p> + At Marget's it was like a funeral. She and Wilhelm sat together on the + sofa, but said nothing, and not even holding hands. Both were steeped in + gloom, and Marget's eyes were red from the crying she had been doing. She + said: + </p> + <p> + “I have been begging him to go, and come no more, and so save himself + alive. I cannot bear to be his murderer. This house is bewitched, and no + inmate will escape the fire. But he will not go, and he will be lost with + the rest.” + </p> + <p> + Wilhelm said he would not go; if there was danger for her, his place was + by her, and there he would remain. Then she began to cry again, and it was + all so mournful that I wished I had stayed away. There was a knock, now, + and Satan came in, fresh and cheery and beautiful, and brought that winy + atmosphere of his and changed the whole thing. He never said a word about + what had been happening, nor about the awful fears which were freezing the + blood in the hearts of the community, but began to talk and rattle on + about all manner of gay and pleasant things; and next about music—an + artful stroke which cleared away the remnant of Marget's depression and + brought her spirits and her interests broad awake. She had not heard any + one talk so well and so knowingly on that subject before, and she was so + uplifted by it and so charmed that what she was feeling lit up her face + and came out in her words; and Wilhelm noticed it and did not look as + pleased as he ought to have done. And next Satan branched off into poetry, + and recited some, and did it well, and Marget was charmed again; and again + Wilhelm was not as pleased as he ought to have been, and this time Marget + noticed it and was remorseful. + </p> + <p> + I fell asleep to pleasant music that night—the patter of rain upon + the panes and the dull growling of distant thunder. Away in the night + Satan came and roused me and said: “Come with me. Where shall we go?” + </p> + <p> + “Anywhere—so it is with you.” + </p> + <p> + Then there was a fierce glare of sunlight, and he said, “This is China.” + </p> + <p> + That was a grand surprise, and made me sort of drunk with vanity and + gladness to think I had come so far—so much, much farther than + anybody else in our village, including Bartel Sperling, who had such a + great opinion of his travels. We buzzed around over that empire for more + than half an hour, and saw the whole of it. It was wonderful, the + spectacles we saw; and some were beautiful, others too horrible to think. + For instance—However, I may go into that by and by, and also why + Satan chose China for this excursion instead of another place; it would + interrupt my tale to do it now. Finally we stopped flitting and lit. + </p> + <p> + We sat upon a mountain commanding a vast landscape of mountain-range and + gorge and valley and plain and river, with cities and villages slumbering + in the sunlight, and a glimpse of blue sea on the farther verge. It was a + tranquil and dreamy picture, beautiful to the eye and restful to the + spirit. If we could only make a change like that whenever we wanted to, + the world would be easier to live in than it is, for change of scene + shifts the mind's burdens to the other shoulder and banishes old, + shop-worn wearinesses from mind and body both. + </p> + <p> + We talked together, and I had the idea of trying to reform Satan and + persuade him to lead a better life. I told him about all those things he + had been doing, and begged him to be more considerate and stop making + people unhappy. I said I knew he did not mean any harm, but that he ought + to stop and consider the possible consequences of a thing before launching + it in that impulsive and random way of his; then he would not make so much + trouble. He was not hurt by this plain speech; he only looked amused and + surprised, and said: + </p> + <p> + “What? I do random things? Indeed, I never do. I stop and consider + possible consequences? Where is the need? I know what the consequences are + going to be—always.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Satan, then how could you do these things?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I will tell you, and you must understand if you can. You belong to + a singular race. Every man is a suffering-machine and a happiness-machine + combined. The two functions work together harmoniously, with a fine and + delicate precision, on the give-and-take principle. For every happiness + turned out in the one department the other stands ready to modify it with + a sorrow or a pain—maybe a dozen. In most cases the man's life is + about equally divided between happiness and unhappiness. When this is not + the case the unhappiness predominates—always; never the other. + Sometimes a man's make and disposition are such that his misery-machine is + able to do nearly all the business. Such a man goes through life almost + ignorant of what happiness is. Everything he touches, everything he does, + brings a misfortune upon him. You have seen such people? To that kind of a + person life is not an advantage, is it? It is only a disaster. Sometimes + for an hour's happiness a man's machinery makes him pay years of misery. + Don't you know that? It happens every now and then. I will give you a case + or two presently. Now the people of your village are nothing to me—you + know that, don't you?” + </p> + <p> + I did not like to speak out too flatly, so I said I had suspected it. + </p> + <p> + “Well, it is true that they are nothing to me. It is not possible that + they should be. The difference between them and me is abysmal, + immeasurable. They have no intellect.” + </p> + <p> + “No intellect?” + </p> + <p> + “Nothing that resembles it. At a future time I will examine what man calls + his mind and give you the details of that chaos, then you will see and + understand. Men have nothing in common with me—there is no point of + contact; they have foolish little feelings and foolish little vanities and + impertinences and ambitions; their foolish little life is but a laugh, a + sigh, and extinction; and they have no sense. Only the Moral Sense. I will + show you what I mean. Here is a red spider, not so big as a pin's head. + Can you imagine an elephant being interested in him—caring whether + he is happy or isn't, or whether he is wealthy or poor, or whether his + sweetheart returns his love or not, or whether his mother is sick or well, + or whether he is looked up to in society or not, or whether his enemies + will smite him or his friends desert him, or whether his hopes will suffer + blight or his political ambitions fail, or whether he shall die in the + bosom of his family or neglected and despised in a foreign land? These + things can never be important to the elephant; they are nothing to him; he + cannot shrink his sympathies to the microscopic size of them. Man is to me + as the red spider is to the elephant. The elephant has nothing against the + spider—he cannot get down to that remote level; I have nothing + against man. The elephant is indifferent; I am indifferent. The elephant + would not take the trouble to do the spider an ill turn; if he took the + notion he might do him a good turn, if it came in his way and cost + nothing. I have done men good service, but no ill turns. + </p> + <p> + “The elephant lives a century, the red spider a day; in power, intellect, + and dignity the one creature is separated from the other by a distance + which is simply astronomical. Yet in these, as in all qualities, man is + immeasurably further below me than is the wee spider below the elephant. + </p> + <p> + “Man's mind clumsily and tediously and laboriously patches little + trivialities together and gets a result—such as it is. My mind + creates! Do you get the force of that? Creates anything it desires—and + in a moment. Creates without material. Creates fluids, solids, colors—anything, + everything—out of the airy nothing which is called Thought. A man + imagines a silk thread, imagines a machine to make it, imagines a picture, + then by weeks of labor embroiders it on canvas with the thread. I think + the whole thing, and in a moment it is before you—created. + </p> + <p> + “I think a poem, music, the record of a game of chess—anything—and + it is there. This is the immortal mind—nothing is beyond its reach. + Nothing can obstruct my vision; the rocks are transparent to me, and + darkness is daylight. I do not need to open a book; I take the whole of + its contents into my mind at a single glance, through the cover; and in a + million years I could not forget a single word of it, or its place in the + volume. Nothing goes on in the skull of man, bird, fish, insect, or other + creature which can be hidden from me. I pierce the learned man's brain + with a single glance, and the treasures which cost him threescore years to + accumulate are mine; he can forget, and he does forget, but I retain. + </p> + <p> + “Now, then, I perceive by your thoughts that you are understanding me + fairly well. Let us proceed. Circumstances might so fall out that the + elephant could like the spider—supposing he can see it—but he + could not love it. His love is for his own kind—for his equals. An + angel's love is sublime, adorable, divine, beyond the imagination of man—infinitely + beyond it! But it is limited to his own august order. If it fell upon one + of your race for only an instant, it would consume its object to ashes. + No, we cannot love men, but we can be harmlessly indifferent to them; we + can also like them, sometimes. I like you and the boys, I like father + Peter, and for your sakes I am doing all these things for the villagers.” + </p> + <p> + He saw that I was thinking a sarcasm, and he explained his position. + </p> + <p> + “I have wrought well for the villagers, though it does not look like it on + the surface. Your race never know good fortune from ill. They are always + mistaking the one for the other. It is because they cannot see into the + future. What I am doing for the villagers will bear good fruit some day; + in some cases to themselves; in others, to unborn generations of men. No + one will ever know that I was the cause, but it will be none the less + true, for all that. Among you boys you have a game: you stand a row of + bricks on end a few inches apart; you push a brick, it knocks its neighbor + over, the neighbor knocks over the next brick—and so on till all the + row is prostrate. That is human life. A child's first act knocks over the + initial brick, and the rest will follow inexorably. If you could see into + the future, as I can, you would see everything that was going to happen to + that creature; for nothing can change the order of its life after the + first event has determined it. That is, nothing will change it, because + each act unfailingly begets an act, that act begets another, and so on to + the end, and the seer can look forward down the line and see just when + each act is to have birth, from cradle to grave.” + </p> + <p> + “Does God order the career?” + </p> + <p> + “Foreordain it? No. The man's circumstances and environment order it. His + first act determines the second and all that follow after. But suppose, + for argument's sake, that the man should skip one of these acts; an + apparently trifling one, for instance; suppose that it had been appointed + that on a certain day, at a certain hour and minute and second and + fraction of a second he should go to the well, and he didn't go. That + man's career would change utterly, from that moment; thence to the grave + it would be wholly different from the career which his first act as a + child had arranged for him. Indeed, it might be that if he had gone to the + well he would have ended his career on a throne, and that omitting to do + it would set him upon a career that would lead to beggary and a pauper's + grave. For instance: if at any time—say in boyhood—Columbus + had skipped the triflingest little link in the chain of acts projected and + made inevitable by his first childish act, it would have changed his whole + subsequent life, and he would have become a priest and died obscure in an + Italian village, and America would not have been discovered for two + centuries afterward. I know this. To skip any one of the billion acts in + Columbus's chain would have wholly changed his life. I have examined his + billion of possible careers, and in only one of them occurs the discovery + of America. You people do not suspect that all of your acts are of one + size and importance, but it is true; to snatch at an appointed fly is as + big with fate for you as is any other appointed act—” + </p> + <p> + “As the conquering of a continent, for instance?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. Now, then, no man ever does drop a link—the thing has never + happened! Even when he is trying to make up his mind as to whether he will + do a thing or not, that itself is a link, an act, and has its proper place + in his chain; and when he finally decides an act, that also was the thing + which he was absolutely certain to do. You see, now, that a man will never + drop a link in his chain. He cannot. If he made up his mind to try, that + project would itself be an unavoidable link—a thought bound to occur + to him at that precise moment, and made certain by the first act of his + babyhood.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed so dismal! + </p> + <p> + “He is a prisoner for life,” I said sorrowfully, “and cannot get free.” + </p> + <p> + “No, of himself he cannot get away from the consequences of his first + childish act. But I can free him.” + </p> + <p> + I looked up wistfully. + </p> + <p> + “I have changed the careers of a number of your villagers.” + </p> + <p> + I tried to thank him, but found it difficult, and let it drop. + </p> + <p> + “I shall make some other changes. You know that little Lisa Brandt?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes, everybody does. My mother says she is so sweet and so lovely that + she is not like any other child. She says she will be the pride of the + village when she grows up; and its idol, too, just as she is now.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall change her future.” + </p> + <p> + “Make it better?” I asked. + </p> + <p> + “Yes. And I will change the future of Nikolaus.” + </p> + <p> + I was glad, this time, and said, “I don't need to ask about his case; you + will be sure to do generously by him.” + </p> + <p> + “It is my intention.” + </p> + <p> + Straight off I was building that great future of Nicky's in my + imagination, and had already made a renowned general of him and hofmeister + at the court, when I noticed that Satan was waiting for me to get ready to + listen again. I was ashamed of having exposed my cheap imaginings to him, + and was expecting some sarcasms, but it did not happen. He proceeded with + his subject: + </p> + <p> + “Nicky's appointed life is sixty-two years.” + </p> + <p> + “That's grand!” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Lisa's, thirty-six. But, as I told you, I shall change their lives and + those ages. Two minutes and a quarter from now Nikolaus will wake out of + his sleep and find the rain blowing in. It was appointed that he should + turn over and go to sleep again. But I have appointed that he shall get up + and close the window first. That trifle will change his career entirely. + He will rise in the morning two minutes later than the chain of his life + had appointed him to rise. By consequence, thenceforth nothing will ever + happen to him in accordance with the details of the old chain.” He took + out his watch and sat looking at it a few moments, then said: “Nikolaus + has risen to close the window. His life is changed, his new career has + begun. There will be consequences.” + </p> + <p> + It made me feel creepy; it was uncanny. + </p> + <p> + “But for this change certain things would happen twelve days from now. For + instance, Nikolaus would save Lisa from drowning. He would arrive on the + scene at exactly the right moment—four minutes past ten, the + long-ago appointed instant of time—and the water would be shoal, the + achievement easy and certain. But he will arrive some seconds too late, + now; Lisa will have struggled into deeper water. He will do his best, but + both will drown.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Satan! Oh, dear Satan!” I cried, with the tears rising in my eyes, + “save them! Don't let it happen. I can't bear to lose Nikolaus, he is my + loving playmate and friend; and think of Lisa's poor mother!” + </p> + <p> + I clung to him and begged and pleaded, but he was not moved. He made me + sit down again, and told me I must hear him out. + </p> + <p> + “I have changed Nikolaus's life, and this has changed Lisa's. If I had not + done this, Nikolaus would save Lisa, then he would catch cold from his + drenching; one of your race's fantastic and desolating scarlet fevers + would follow, with pathetic after-effects; for forty-six years he would + lie in his bed a paralytic log, deaf, dumb, blind, and praying night and + day for the blessed relief of death. Shall I change his life back?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no! Oh, not for the world! In charity and pity leave it as it is.” + </p> + <p> + “It is best so. I could not have changed any other link in his life and + done him so good a service. He had a billion possible careers, but not one + of them was worth living; they were charged full with miseries and + disasters. But for my intervention he would do his brave deed twelve days + from now—a deed begun and ended in six minutes—and get for all + reward those forty-six years of sorrow and suffering I told you of. It is + one of the cases I was thinking of awhile ago when I said that sometimes + an act which brings the actor an hour's happiness and self-satisfaction is + paid for—or punished—by years of suffering.” + </p> + <p> + I wondered what poor little Lisa's early death would save her from. He + answered the thought: + </p> + <p> + “From ten years of pain and slow recovery from an accident, and then from + nineteen years' pollution, shame, depravity, crime, ending with death at + the hands of the executioner. Twelve days hence she will die; her mother + would save her life if she could. Am I not kinder than her mother?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—oh, indeed yes; and wiser.” + </p> + <p> + “Father Peter's case is coming on presently. He will be acquitted, through + unassailable proofs of his innocence.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, Satan, how can that be? Do you really think it?” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, I know it. His good name will be restored, and the rest of his + life will be happy.” + </p> + <p> + “I can believe it. To restore his good name will have that effect.” + </p> + <p> + “His happiness will not proceed from that cause. I shall change his life + that day, for his good. He will never know his good name has been + restored.” + </p> + <p> + In my mind—and modestly—I asked for particulars, but Satan + paid no attention to my thought. Next, my mind wandered to the astrologer, + and I wondered where he might be. + </p> + <p> + “In the moon,” said Satan, with a fleeting sound which I believed was a + chuckle. “I've got him on the cold side of it, too. He doesn't know where + he is, and is not having a pleasant time; still, it is good enough for + him, a good place for his star studies. I shall need him presently; then I + shall bring him back and possess him again. He has a long and cruel and + odious life before him, but I will change that, for I have no feeling + against him and am quite willing to do him a kindness. I think I shall get + him burned.” + </p> + <p> + He had such strange notions of kindness! But angels are made so, and do + not know any better. Their ways are not like our ways; and, besides, human + beings are nothing to them; they think they are only freaks. It seems to + me odd that he should put the astrologer so far away; he could have dumped + him in Germany just as well, where he would be handy. + </p> + <p> + “Far away?” said Satan. “To me no place is far away; distance does not + exist for me. The sun is less than a hundred million miles from here, and + the light that is falling upon us has taken eight minutes to come; but I + can make that flight, or any other, in a fraction of time so minute that + it cannot be measured by a watch. I have but to think the journey, and it + is accomplished.” + </p> + <p> + I held out my hand and said, “The light lies upon it; think it into a + glass of wine, Satan.” + </p> + <p> + He did it. I drank the wine. + </p> + <p> + “Break the glass,” he said. + </p> + <p> + I broke it. + </p> + <p> + “There—you see it is real. The villagers thought the brass balls + were magic stuff and as perishable as smoke. They were afraid to touch + them. You are a curious lot—your race. But come along; I have + business. I will put you to bed.” Said and done. Then he was gone; but his + voice came back to me through the rain and darkness saying, “Yes, tell + Seppi, but no other.” + </p> + <p> + It was the answer to my thought. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 8 + </h2> + <p> + Sleep would not come. It was not because I was proud of my travels and + excited about having been around the big world to China, and feeling + contemptuous of Bartel Sperling, “the traveler,” as he called himself, and + looked down upon us others because he had been to Vienna once and was the + only Eseldorf boy who had made such a journey and seen the world's + wonders. At another time that would have kept me awake, but it did not + affect me now. No, my mind was filled with Nikolaus, my thoughts ran upon + him only, and the good days we had seen together at romps and frolics in + the woods and the fields and the river in the long summer days, and + skating and sliding in the winter when our parents thought we were in + school. And now he was going out of this young life, and the summers and + winters would come and go, and we others would rove and play as before, + but his place would be vacant; we should see him no more. To-morrow he + would not suspect, but would be as he had always been, and it would shock + me to hear him laugh, and see him do lightsome and frivolous things, for + to me he would be a corpse, with waxen hands and dull eyes, and I should + see the shroud around his face; and next day he would not suspect, nor the + next, and all the time his handful of days would be wasting swiftly away + and that awful thing coming nearer and nearer, his fate closing steadily + around him and no one knowing it but Seppi and me. Twelve days—only + twelve days. It was awful to think of. I noticed that in my thoughts I was + not calling him by his familiar names, Nick and Nicky, but was speaking of + him by his full name, and reverently, as one speaks of the dead. Also, as + incident after incident of our comradeship came thronging into my mind out + of the past, I noticed that they were mainly cases where I had wronged him + or hurt him, and they rebuked me and reproached me, and my heart was wrung + with remorse, just as it is when we remember our unkindnesses to friends + who have passed beyond the veil, and we wish we could have them back + again, if only for a moment, so that we could go on our knees to them and + say, “Have pity, and forgive.” + </p> + <p> + Once when we were nine years old he went a long errand of nearly two miles + for the fruiterer, who gave him a splendid big apple for reward, and he + was flying home with it, almost beside himself with astonishment and + delight, and I met him, and he let me look at the apple, not thinking of + treachery, and I ran off with it, eating it as I ran, he following me and + begging; and when he overtook me I offered him the core, which was all + that was left; and I laughed. Then he turned away, crying, and said he had + meant to give it to his little sister. That smote me, for she was slowly + getting well of a sickness, and it would have been a proud moment for him, + to see her joy and surprise and have her caresses. But I was ashamed to + say I was ashamed, and only said something rude and mean, to pretend I did + not care, and he made no reply in words, but there was a wounded look in + his face as he turned away toward his home which rose before me many times + in after years, in the night, and reproached me and made me ashamed again. + It had grown dim in my mind, by and by, then it disappeared; but it was + back now, and not dim. + </p> + <p> + Once at school, when we were eleven, I upset my ink and spoiled four + copy-books, and was in danger of severe punishment; but I put it upon him, + and he got the whipping. + </p> + <p> + And only last year I had cheated him in a trade, giving him a large + fish-hook which was partly broken through for three small sound ones. The + first fish he caught broke the hook, but he did not know I was blamable, + and he refused to take back one of the small hooks which my conscience + forced me to offer him, but said, “A trade is a trade; the hook was bad, + but that was not your fault.” + </p> + <p> + No, I could not sleep. These little, shabby wrongs upbraided me and + tortured me, and with a pain much sharper than one feels when the wrongs + have been done to the living. Nikolaus was living, but no matter; he was + to me as one already dead. The wind was still moaning about the eaves, the + rain still pattering upon the panes. + </p> + <p> + In the morning I sought out Seppi and told him. It was down by the river. + His lips moved, but he did not say anything, he only looked dazed and + stunned, and his face turned very white. He stood like that a few moments, + the tears welling into his eyes, then he turned away and I locked my arm + in his and we walked along thinking, but not speaking. We crossed the + bridge and wandered through the meadows and up among the hills and the + woods, and at last the talk came and flowed freely, and it was all about + Nikolaus and was a recalling of the life we had lived with him. And every + now and then Seppi said, as if to himself: + </p> + <p> + “Twelve days!—less than twelve days.” + </p> + <p> + We said we must be with him all the time; we must have all of him we + could; the days were precious now. Yet we did not go to seek him. It would + be like meeting the dead, and we were afraid. We did not say it, but that + was what we were feeling. And so it gave us a shock when we turned a curve + and came upon Nikolaus face to face. He shouted, gaily: + </p> + <p> + “Hi-hi! What is the matter? Have you seen a ghost?” + </p> + <p> + We couldn't speak, but there was no occasion; he was willing to talk for + us all, for he had just seen Satan and was in high spirits about it. Satan + had told him about our trip to China, and he had begged Satan to take him + a journey, and Satan had promised. It was to be a far journey, and + wonderful and beautiful; and Nikolaus had begged him to take us, too, but + he said no, he would take us some day, maybe, but not now. Satan would + come for him on the 13th, and Nikolaus was already counting the hours, he + was so impatient. + </p> + <p> + That was the fatal day. We were already counting the hours, too. + </p> + <p> + We wandered many a mile, always following paths which had been our + favorites from the days when we were little, and always we talked about + the old times. All the blitheness was with Nikolaus; we others could not + shake off our depression. Our tone toward Nikolaus was so strangely gentle + and tender and yearning that he noticed it, and was pleased; and we were + constantly doing him deferential little offices of courtesy, and saying, + “Wait, let me do that for you,” and that pleased him, too. I gave him + seven fish-hooks—all I had—and made him take them; and Seppi + gave him his new knife and a humming-top painted red and yellow—atonements + for swindles practised upon him formerly, as I learned later, and probably + no longer remembered by Nikolaus now. These things touched him, and he + could not have believed that we loved him so; and his pride in it and + gratefulness for it cut us to the heart, we were so undeserving of them. + When we parted at last, he was radiant, and said he had never had such a + happy day. + </p> + <p> + As we walked along homeward, Seppi said, “We always prized him, but never + so much as now, when we are going to lose him.” + </p> + <p> + Next day and every day we spent all of our spare time with Nikolaus; and + also added to it time which we (and he) stole from work and other duties, + and this cost the three of us some sharp scoldings, and some threats of + punishment. Every morning two of us woke with a start and a shudder, + saying, as the days flew along, “Only ten days left;” “only nine days + left;” “only eight;” “only seven.” Always it was narrowing. Always + Nikolaus was gay and happy, and always puzzled because we were not. He + wore his invention to the bone trying to invent ways to cheer us up, but + it was only a hollow success; he could see that our jollity had no heart + in it, and that the laughs we broke into came up against some obstruction + or other and suffered damage and decayed into a sigh. He tried to find out + what the matter was, so that he could help us out of our trouble or make + it lighter by sharing it with us; so we had to tell many lies to deceive + him and appease him. + </p> + <p> + But the most distressing thing of all was that he was always making plans, + and often they went beyond the 13th! Whenever that happened it made us + groan in spirit. All his mind was fixed upon finding some way to conquer + our depression and cheer us up; and at last, when he had but three days to + live, he fell upon the right idea and was jubilant over it—a + boys-and-girls' frolic and dance in the woods, up there where we first met + Satan, and this was to occur on the 14th. It was ghastly, for that was his + funeral day. We couldn't venture to protest; it would only have brought a + “Why?” which we could not answer. He wanted us to help him invite his + guests, and we did it—one can refuse nothing to a dying friend. But + it was dreadful, for really we were inviting them to his funeral. + </p> + <p> + It was an awful eleven days; and yet, with a lifetime stretching back + between to-day and then, they are still a grateful memory to me, and + beautiful. In effect they were days of companionship with one's sacred + dead, and I have known no comradeship that was so close or so precious. We + clung to the hours and the minutes, counting them as they wasted away, and + parting with them with that pain and bereavement which a miser feels who + sees his hoard filched from him coin by coin by robbers and is helpless to + prevent it. + </p> + <p> + When the evening of the last day came we stayed out too long; Seppi and I + were in fault for that; we could not bear to part with Nikolaus; so it was + very late when we left him at his door. We lingered near awhile, + listening; and that happened which we were fearing. His father gave him + the promised punishment, and we heard his shrieks. But we listened only a + moment, then hurried away, remorseful for this thing which we had caused. + And sorry for the father, too; our thought being, “If he only knew—if + he only knew!” + </p> + <p> + In the morning Nikolaus did not meet us at the appointed place, so we went + to his home to see what the matter was. His mother said: + </p> + <p> + “His father is out of all patience with these goings-on, and will not have + any more of it. Half the time when Nick is needed he is not to be found; + then it turns out that he has been gadding around with you two. His father + gave him a flogging last night. It always grieved me before, and many's + the time I have begged him off and saved him, but this time he appealed to + me in vain, for I was out of patience myself.” + </p> + <p> + “I wish you had saved him just this one time,” I said, my voice trembling + a little; “it would ease a pain in your heart to remember it some day.” + </p> + <p> + She was ironing at the time, and her back was partly toward me. She turned + about with a startled or wondering look in her face and said, “What do you + mean by that?” + </p> + <p> + I was not prepared, and didn't know anything to say; so it was awkward, + for she kept looking at me; but Seppi was alert and spoke up: + </p> + <p> + “Why, of course it would be pleasant to remember, for the very reason we + were out so late was that Nikolaus got to telling how good you are to him, + and how he never got whipped when you were by to save him; and he was so + full of it, and we were so full of the interest of it, that none of us + noticed how late it was getting.” + </p> + <p> + “Did he say that? Did he?” and she put her apron to her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “You can ask Theodor—he will tell you the same.” + </p> + <p> + “It is a dear, good lad, my Nick,” she said. “I am sorry I let him get + whipped; I will never do it again. To think—all the time I was + sitting here last night, fretting and angry at him, he was loving me and + praising me! Dear, dear, if we could only know! Then we shouldn't ever go + wrong; but we are only poor, dumb beasts groping around and making + mistakes. I shan't ever think of last night without a pang.” + </p> + <p> + She was like all the rest; it seemed as if nobody could open a mouth, in + these wretched days, without saying something that made us shiver. They + were “groping around,” and did not know what true, sorrowfully true things + they were saying by accident. + </p> + <p> + Seppi asked if Nikolaus might go out with us. + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry,” she answered, “but he can't. To punish him further, his + father doesn't allow him to go out of the house to-day.” + </p> + <p> + We had a great hope! I saw it in Seppi's eyes. We thought, “If he cannot + leave the house, he cannot be drowned.” Seppi asked, to make sure: + </p> + <p> + “Must he stay in all day, or only the morning?” + </p> + <p> + “All day. It's such a pity, too; it's a beautiful day, and he is so unused + to being shut up. But he is busy planning his party, and maybe that is + company for him. I do hope he isn't too lonesome.” + </p> + <p> + Seppi saw that in her eye which emboldened him to ask if we might go up + and help him pass his time. + </p> + <p> + “And welcome!” she said, right heartily. “Now I call that real friendship, + when you might be abroad in the fields and the woods, having a happy time. + You are good boys, I'll allow that, though you don't always find + satisfactory ways of improving it. Take these cakes—for yourselves—and + give him this one, from his mother.” + </p> + <p> + The first thing we noticed when we entered Nikolaus's room was the time—a + quarter to 10. Could that be correct? Only such a few minutes to live! I + felt a contraction at my heart. Nikolaus jumped up and gave us a glad + welcome. He was in good spirits over his plannings for his party and had + not been lonesome. + </p> + <p> + “Sit down,” he said, “and look at what I've been doing. And I've finished + a kite that you will say is a beauty. It's drying, in the kitchen; I'll + fetch it.” + </p> + <p> + He had been spending his penny savings in fanciful trifles of various + kinds, to go as prizes in the games, and they were marshaled with fine and + showy effect upon the table. He said: + </p> + <p> + “Examine them at your leisure while I get mother to touch up the kite with + her iron if it isn't dry enough yet.” + </p> + <p> + Then he tripped out and went clattering down-stairs, whistling. + </p> + <p> + We did not look at the things; we couldn't take any interest in anything + but the clock. We sat staring at it in silence, listening to the ticking, + and every time the minute-hand jumped we nodded recognition—one + minute fewer to cover in the race for life or for death. Finally Seppi + drew a deep breath and said: + </p> + <p> + “Two minutes to ten. Seven minutes more and he will pass the death-point. + Theodor, he is going to be saved! He's going to—” + </p> + <p> + “Hush! I'm on needles. Watch the clock and keep still.” + </p> + <p> + Five minutes more. We were panting with the strain and the excitement. + Another three minutes, and there was a footstep on the stair. + </p> + <p> + “Saved!” And we jumped up and faced the door. + </p> + <p> + The old mother entered, bringing the kite. “Isn't it a beauty?” she said. + “And, dear me, how he has slaved over it—ever since daylight, I + think, and only finished it awhile before you came.” She stood it against + the wall, and stepped back to take a view of it. “He drew the pictures his + own self, and I think they are very good. The church isn't so very good, + I'll have to admit, but look at the bridge—any one can recognize the + bridge in a minute. He asked me to bring it up.... Dear me! it's seven + minutes past ten, and I—” + </p> + <p> + “But where is he?” + </p> + <p> + “He? Oh, he'll be here soon; he's gone out a minute.” + </p> + <p> + “Gone out?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. Just as he came down-stairs little Lisa's mother came in and said + the child had wandered off somewhere, and as she was a little uneasy I + told Nikolaus to never mind about his father's orders—go and look + her up.... Why, how white you two do look! I do believe you are sick. Sit + down; I'll fetch something. That cake has disagreed with you. It is a + little heavy, but I thought—” + </p> + <p> + She disappeared without finishing her sentence, and we hurried at once to + the back window and looked toward the river. There was a great crowd at + the other end of the bridge, and people were flying toward that point from + every direction. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it is all over—poor Nikolaus! Why, oh, why did she let him get + out of the house!” + </p> + <p> + “Come away,” said Seppi, half sobbing, “come quick—we can't bear to + meet her; in five minutes she will know.” + </p> + <p> + But we were not to escape. She came upon us at the foot of the stairs, + with her cordials in her hands, and made us come in and sit down and take + the medicine. Then she watched the effect, and it did not satisfy her; so + she made us wait longer, and kept upbraiding herself for giving us the + unwholesome cake. + </p> + <p> + Presently the thing happened which we were dreading. There was a sound of + tramping and scraping outside, and a crowd came solemnly in, with heads + uncovered, and laid the two drowned bodies on the bed. + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0131}.jpg" alt="{0131}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0131}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + “Oh, my God!” that poor mother cried out, and fell on her knees, and put + her arms about her dead boy and began to cover the wet face with kisses. + “Oh, it was I that sent him, and I have been his death. If I had obeyed, + and kept him in the house, this would not have happened. And I am rightly + punished; I was cruel to him last night, and him begging me, his own + mother, to be his friend.” + </p> + <p> + And so she went on and on, and all the women cried, and pitied her, and + tried to comfort her, but she could not forgive herself and could not be + comforted, and kept on saying if she had not sent him out he would be + alive and well now, and she was the cause of his death. + </p> + <p> + It shows how foolish people are when they blame themselves for anything + they have done. Satan knows, and he said nothing happens that your first + act hasn't arranged to happen and made inevitable; and so, of your own + motion you can't ever alter the scheme or do a thing that will break a + link. Next we heard screams, and Frau Brandt came wildly plowing and + plunging through the crowd with her dress in disorder and hair flying + loose, and flung herself upon her dead child with moans and kisses and + pleadings and endearments; and by and by she rose up almost exhausted with + her outpourings of passionate emotion, and clenched her fist and lifted it + toward the sky, and her tear-drenched face grew hard and resentful, and + she said: + </p> + <p> + “For nearly two weeks I have had dreams and presentiments and warnings + that death was going to strike what was most precious to me, and day and + night and night and day I have groveled in the dirt before Him praying Him + to have pity on my innocent child and save it from harm—and here is + His answer!” + </p> + <p> + Why, He had saved it from harm—but she did not know. + </p> + <p> + She wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks, and stood awhile gazing down + at the child and caressing its face and its hair with her hands; then she + spoke again in that bitter tone: “But in His hard heart is no compassion. + I will never pray again.” + </p> + <p> + She gathered her dead child to her bosom and strode away, the crowd + falling back to let her pass, and smitten dumb by the awful words they had + heard. Ah, that poor woman! It is as Satan said, we do not know good + fortune from bad, and are always mistaking the one for the other. Many a + time since I have heard people pray to God to spare the life of sick + persons, but I have never done it. + </p> + <p> + Both funerals took place at the same time in our little church next day. + Everybody was there, including the party guests. Satan was there, too; + which was proper, for it was on account of his efforts that the funerals + had happened. Nikolaus had departed this life without absolution, and a + collection was taken up for masses, to get him out of purgatory. Only + two-thirds of the required money was gathered, and the parents were going + to try to borrow the rest, but Satan furnished it. He told us privately + that there was no purgatory, but he had contributed in order that + Nikolaus's parents and their friends might be saved from worry and + distress. We thought it very good of him, but he said money did not cost + him anything. + </p> + <p> + At the graveyard the body of little Lisa was seized for debt by a + carpenter to whom the mother owed fifty groschen for work done the year + before. She had never been able to pay this, and was not able now. The + carpenter took the corpse home and kept it four days in his cellar, the + mother weeping and imploring about his house all the time; then he buried + it in his brother's cattle-yard, without religious ceremonies. It drove + the mother wild with grief and shame, and she forsook her work and went + daily about the town, cursing the carpenter and blaspheming the laws of + the emperor and the church, and it was pitiful to see. Seppi asked Satan + to interfere, but he said the carpenter and the rest were members of the + human race and were acting quite neatly for that species of animal. He + would interfere if he found a horse acting in such a way, and we must + inform him when we came across that kind of horse doing that kind of human + thing, so that he could stop it. We believed this was sarcasm, for of + course there wasn't any such horse. + </p> + <p> + But after a few days we found that we could not abide that poor woman's + distress, so we begged Satan to examine her several possible careers, and + see if he could not change her, to her profit, to a new one. He said the + longest of her careers as they now stood gave her forty-two years to live, + and her shortest one twenty-nine, and that both were charged with grief + and hunger and cold and pain. The only improvement he could make would be + to enable her to skip a certain three minutes from now; and he asked us if + he should do it. This was such a short time to decide in that we went to + pieces with nervous excitement, and before we could pull ourselves + together and ask for particulars he said the time would be up in a few + more seconds; so then we gasped out, “Do it!” + </p> + <p> + “It is done,” he said; “she was going around a corner; I have turned her + back; it has changed her career.” + </p> + <p> + “Then what will happen, Satan?” + </p> + <p> + “It is happening now. She is having words with Fischer, the weaver. In his + anger Fischer will straightway do what he would not have done but for this + accident. He was present when she stood over her child's body and uttered + those blasphemies.” + </p> + <p> + “What will he do?” + </p> + <p> + “He is doing it now—betraying her. In three days she will go to the + stake.” + </p> + <p> + We could not speak; we were frozen with horror, for if we had not meddled + with her career she would have been spared this awful fate. Satan noticed + these thoughts, and said: + </p> + <p> + “What you are thinking is strictly human-like—that is to say, + foolish. The woman is advantaged. Die when she might, she would go to + heaven. By this prompt death she gets twenty-nine years more of heaven + than she is entitled to, and escapes twenty-nine years of misery here.” + </p> + <p> + A moment before we were bitterly making up our minds that we would ask no + more favors of Satan for friends of ours, for he did not seem to know any + way to do a person a kindness but by killing him; but the whole aspect of + the case was changed now, and we were glad of what we had done and full of + happiness in the thought of it. + </p> + <p> + After a little I began to feel troubled about Fischer, and asked, timidly, + “Does this episode change Fischer's life-scheme, Satan?” + </p> + <p> + “Change it? Why, certainly. And radically. If he had not met Frau Brandt + awhile ago he would die next year, thirty-four years of age. Now he will + live to be ninety, and have a pretty prosperous and comfortable life of + it, as human lives go.” + </p> + <p> + We felt a great joy and pride in what we had done for Fischer, and were + expecting Satan to sympathize with this feeling; but he showed no sign and + this made us uneasy. We waited for him to speak, but he didn't; so, to + assuage our solicitude we had to ask him if there was any defect in + Fischer's good luck. Satan considered the question a moment, then said, + with some hesitation: + </p> + <p> + “Well, the fact is, it is a delicate point. Under his several former + possible life-careers he was going to heaven.” + </p> + <p> + We were aghast. “Oh, Satan! and under this one—” + </p> + <p> + “There, don't be so distressed. You were sincerely trying to do him a + kindness; let that comfort you.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear, dear, that cannot comfort us. You ought to have told us what we + were doing, then we wouldn't have acted so.” + </p> + <p> + But it made no impression on him. He had never felt a pain or a sorrow, + and did not know what they were, in any really informing way. He had no + knowledge of them except theoretically—that is to say, + intellectually. And of course that is no good. One can never get any but a + loose and ignorant notion of such things except by experience. We tried + our best to make him comprehend the awful thing that had been done and how + we were compromised by it, but he couldn't seem to get hold of it. He said + he did not think it important where Fischer went to; in heaven he would + not be missed, there were “plenty there.” We tried to make him see that he + was missing the point entirely; that Fischer, and not other people, was + the proper one to decide about the importance of it; but it all went for + nothing; he said he did not care for Fischer—there were plenty more + Fischers. + </p> + <p> + The next minute Fischer went by on the other side of the way, and it made + us sick and faint to see him, remembering the doom that was upon him, and + we the cause of it. And how unconscious he was that anything had happened + to him! You could see by his elastic step and his alert manner that he was + well satisfied with himself for doing that hard turn for poor Frau Brandt. + He kept glancing back over his shoulder expectantly. And, sure enough, + pretty soon Frau Brandt followed after, in charge of the officers and + wearing jingling chains. A mob was in her wake, jeering and shouting, + “Blasphemer and heretic!” and some among them were neighbors and friends + of her happier days. Some were trying to strike her, and the officers were + not taking as much trouble as they might to keep them from it. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, stop them, Satan!” It was out before we remembered that he could not + interrupt them for a moment without changing their whole after-lives. He + puffed a little puff toward them with his lips and they began to reel and + stagger and grab at the empty air; then they broke apart and fled in every + direction, shrieking, as if in intolerable pain. He had crushed a rib of + each of them with that little puff. We could not help asking if their + life-chart was changed. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, entirely. Some have gained years, some have lost them. Some few will + profit in various ways by the change, but only that few.” + </p> + <p> + We did not ask if we had brought poor Fischer's luck to any of them. We + did not wish to know. We fully believed in Satan's desire to do us + kindnesses, but we were losing confidence in his judgment. It was at this + time that our growing anxiety to have him look over our life-charts and + suggest improvements began to fade out and give place to other interests. + </p> + <p> + For a day or two the whole village was a chattering turmoil over Frau + Brandt's case and over the mysterious calamity that had overtaken the mob, + and at her trial the place was crowded. She was easily convicted of her + blasphemies, for she uttered those terrible words again and said she would + not take them back. When warned that she was imperiling her life, she said + they could take it in welcome, she did not want it, she would rather live + with the professional devils in perdition than with these imitators in the + village. They accused her of breaking all those ribs by witchcraft, and + asked her if she was not a witch? She answered scornfully: + </p> + <p> + “No. If I had that power would any of you holy hypocrites be alive five + minutes? No; I would strike you all dead. Pronounce your sentence and let + me go; I am tired of your society.” + </p> + <p> + So they found her guilty, and she was excommunicated and cut off from the + joys of heaven and doomed to the fires of hell; then she was clothed in a + coarse robe and delivered to the secular arm, and conducted to the + market-place, the bell solemnly tolling the while. We saw her chained to + the stake, and saw the first film of blue smoke rise on the still air. + Then her hard face softened, and she looked upon the packed crowd in front + of her and said, with gentleness: + </p> + <p> + “We played together once, in long-agone days when we were innocent little + creatures. For the sake of that, I forgive you.” + </p> + <p> + We went away then, and did not see the fires consume her, but we heard the + shrieks, although we put our fingers in our ears. When they ceased we knew + she was in heaven, notwithstanding the excommunication; and we were glad + of her death and not sorry that we had brought it about. + </p> + <p> + One day, a little while after this, Satan appeared again. We were always + watching out for him, for life was never very stagnant when he was by. He + came upon us at that place in the woods where we had first met him. Being + boys, we wanted to be entertained; we asked him to do a show for us. + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” he said; “would you like to see a history of the progress of + the human race?—its development of that product which it calls + civilization?” + </p> + <p> + We said we should. + </p> + <p> + So, with a thought, he turned the place into the Garden of Eden, and we + saw Abel praying by his altar; then Cain came walking toward him with his + club, and did not seem to see us, and would have stepped on my foot if I + had not drawn it in. He spoke to his brother in a language which we did + not understand; then he grew violent and threatening, and we knew what was + going to happen, and turned away our heads for the moment; but we heard + the crash of the blows and heard the shrieks and the groans; then there + was silence, and we saw Abel lying in his blood and gasping out his life, + and Cain standing over him and looking down at him, vengeful and + unrepentant. + </p> + <p> + Then the vision vanished, and was followed by a long series of unknown + wars, murders, and massacres. Next we had the Flood, and the Ark tossing + around in the stormy waters, with lofty mountains in the distance showing + veiled and dim through the rain. Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “The progress of your race was not satisfactory. It is to have another + chance now.” + </p> + <p> + The scene changed, and we saw Noah overcome with wine. + </p> + <p> + Next, we had Sodom and Gomorrah, and “the attempt to discover two or three + respectable persons there,” as Satan described it. Next, Lot and his + daughters in the cave. + </p> + <p> + Next came the Hebraic wars, and we saw the victors massacre the survivors + and their cattle, and save the young girls alive and distribute them + around. + </p> + <p> + Next we had Jael; and saw her slip into the tent and drive the nail into + the temple of her sleeping guest; and we were so close that when the blood + gushed out it trickled in a little, red stream to our feet, and we could + have stained our hands in it if we had wanted to. + </p> + <p> + Next we had Egyptian wars, Greek wars, Roman wars, hideous drenchings of + the earth with blood; and we saw the treacheries of the Romans toward the + Carthaginians, and the sickening spectacle of the massacre of those brave + people. Also we saw Caesar invade Britain—“not that those barbarians + had done him any harm, but because he wanted their land, and desired to + confer the blessings of civilization upon their widows and orphans,” as + Satan explained. + </p> + <p> + Next, Christianity was born. Then ages of Europe passed in review before + us, and we saw Christianity and Civilization march hand in hand through + those ages, “leaving famine and death and desolation in their wake, and + other signs of the progress of the human race,” as Satan observed. + </p> + <p> + And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars—all over + Europe, all over the world. “Sometimes in the private interest of royal + families,” Satan said, “sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a war + started by the aggressor for any clean purpose—there is no such war + in the history of the race.” + </p> + <p> + “Now,” said Satan, “you have seen your progress down to the present, and + you must confess that it is wonderful—in its way. We must now + exhibit the future.” + </p> + <p> + He showed us slaughters more terrible in their destruction of life, more + devastating in their engines of war, than any we had seen. + </p> + <p> + “You perceive,” he said, “that you have made continual progress. Cain did + his murder with a club; the Hebrews did their murders with javelins and + swords; the Greeks and Romans added protective armor and the fine arts of + military organization and generalship; the Christian has added guns and + gunpowder; a few centuries from now he will have so greatly improved the + deadly effectiveness of his weapons of slaughter that all men will confess + that without Christian civilization war must have remained a poor and + trifling thing to the end of time.” + </p> + <p> + Then he began to laugh in the most unfeeling way, and make fun of the + human race, although he knew that what he had been saying shamed us and + wounded us. No one but an angel could have acted so; but suffering is + nothing to them; they do not know what it is, except by hearsay. + </p> + <p> + More than once Seppi and I had tried in a humble and diffident way to + convert him, and as he had remained silent we had taken his silence as a + sort of encouragement; necessarily, then, this talk of his was a + disappointment to us, for it showed that we had made no deep impression + upon him. The thought made us sad, and we knew then how the missionary + must feel when he has been cherishing a glad hope and has seen it + blighted. We kept our grief to ourselves, knowing that this was not the + time to continue our work. + </p> + <p> + Satan laughed his unkind laugh to a finish; then he said: “It is a + remarkable progress. In five or six thousand years five or six high + civilizations have risen, flourished, commanded the wonder of the world, + then faded out and disappeared; and not one of them except the latest ever + invented any sweeping and adequate way to kill people. They all did their + best—to kill being the chiefest ambition of the human race and the + earliest incident in its history—but only the Christian civilization + has scored a triumph to be proud of. Two or three centuries from now it + will be recognized that all the competent killers are Christians; then the + pagan world will go to school to the Christian—not to acquire his + religion, but his guns. The Turk and the Chinaman will buy those to kill + missionaries and converts with.” + </p> + <p> + By this time his theater was at work again, and before our eyes nation + after nation drifted by, during two or three centuries, a mighty + procession, an endless procession, raging, struggling, wallowing through + seas of blood, smothered in battle-smoke through which the flags glinted + and the red jets from the cannon darted; and always we heard the thunder + of the guns and the cries of the dying. + </p> + <p> + “And what does it amount to?” said Satan, with his evil chuckle. “Nothing + at all. You gain nothing; you always come out where you went in. For a + million years the race has gone on monotonously propagating itself and + monotonously reperforming this dull nonsense—to what end? No wisdom + can guess! Who gets a profit out of it? Nobody but a parcel of usurping + little monarchs and nobilities who despise you; would feel defiled if you + touched them; would shut the door in your face if you proposed to call; + whom you slave for, fight for, die for, and are not ashamed of it, but + proud; whose existence is a perpetual insult to you and you are afraid to + resent it; who are mendicants supported by your alms, yet assume toward + you the airs of benefactor toward beggar; who address you in the language + of master to slave, and are answered in the language of slave to master; + who are worshiped by you with your mouth, while in your heart—if you + have one—you despise yourselves for it. The first man was a + hypocrite and a coward, qualities which have not yet failed in his line; + it is the foundation upon which all civilizations have been built. Drink + to their perpetuation! Drink to their augmentation! Drink to—” Then + he saw by our faces how much we were hurt, and he cut his sentence short + and stopped chuckling, and his manner changed. He said, gently: “No, we + will drink one another's health, and let civilization go. The wine which + has flown to our hands out of space by desire is earthly, and good enough + for that other toast; but throw away the glasses; we will drink this one + in wine which has not visited this world before.” + </p> + <p> + We obeyed, and reached up and received the new cups as they descended. + They were shapely and beautiful goblets, but they were not made of any + material that we were acquainted with. They seemed to be in motion, they + seemed to be alive; and certainly the colors in them were in motion. They + were very brilliant and sparkling, and of every tint, and they were never + still, but flowed to and fro in rich tides which met and broke and flashed + out dainty explosions of enchanting color. I think it was most like opals + washing about in waves and flashing out their splendid fires. But there is + nothing to compare the wine with. We drank it, and felt a strange and + witching ecstasy as of heaven go stealing through us, and Seppi's eyes + filled and he said worshipingly: + </p> + <p> + “We shall be there some day, and then—” + </p> + <p> + He glanced furtively at Satan, and I think he hoped Satan would say, “Yes, + you will be there some day,” but Satan seemed to be thinking about + something else, and said nothing. This made me feel ghastly, for I knew he + had heard; nothing, spoken or unspoken, ever escaped him. Poor Seppi + looked distressed, and did not finish his remark. The goblets rose and + clove their way into the sky, a triplet of radiant sundogs, and + disappeared. Why didn't they stay? It seemed a bad sign, and depressed me. + Should I ever see mine again? Would Seppi ever see his? + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 9 + </h2> + <p> + It was wonderful, the mastery Satan had over time and distance. For him + they did not exist. He called them human inventions, and said they were + artificialities. We often went to the most distant parts of the globe with + him, and stayed weeks and months, and yet were gone only a fraction of a + second, as a rule. You could prove it by the clock. One day when our + people were in such awful distress because the witch commission were + afraid to proceed against the astrologer and Father Peter's household, or + against any, indeed, but the poor and the friendless, they lost patience + and took to witch-hunting on their own score, and began to chase a born + lady who was known to have the habit of curing people by devilish arts, + such as bathing them, washing them, and nourishing them instead of + bleeding them and purging them through the ministrations of a + barber-surgeon in the proper way. She came flying down, with the howling + and cursing mob after her, and tried to take refuge in houses, but the + doors were shut in her face. They chased her more than half an hour, we + following to see it, and at last she was exhausted and fell, and they + caught her. They dragged her to a tree and threw a rope over the limb, and + began to make a noose in it, some holding her, meantime, and she crying + and begging, and her young daughter looking on and weeping, but afraid to + say or do anything. + </p> + <p> + They hanged the lady, and I threw a stone at her, although in my heart I + was sorry for her; but all were throwing stones and each was watching his + neighbor, and if I had not done as the others did it would have been + noticed and spoken of. Satan burst out laughing. + </p> + <p> + All that were near by turned upon him, astonished and not pleased. It was + an ill time to laugh, for his free and scoffing ways and his supernatural + music had brought him under suspicion all over the town and turned many + privately against him. The big blacksmith called attention to him now, + raising his voice so that all should hear, and said: + </p> + <p> + “What are you laughing at? Answer! Moreover, please explain to the company + why you threw no stone.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you sure I did not throw a stone?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. You needn't try to get out of it; I had my eye on you.” + </p> + <p> + “And I—I noticed you!” shouted two others. + </p> + <p> + “Three witnesses,” said Satan: “Mueller, the blacksmith; Klein, the + butcher's man; Pfeiffer, the weaver's journeyman. Three very ordinary + liars. Are there any more?” + </p> + <p> + “Never mind whether there are others or not, and never mind about what you + consider us—three's enough to settle your matter for you. You'll + prove that you threw a stone, or it shall go hard with you.” + </p> + <p> + “That's so!” shouted the crowd, and surged up as closely as they could to + the center of interest. + </p> + <p> + “And first you will answer that other question,” cried the blacksmith, + pleased with himself for being mouthpiece to the public and hero of the + occasion. “What are you laughing at?” + </p> + <p> + Satan smiled and answered, pleasantly: “To see three cowards stoning a + dying lady when they were so near death themselves.” + </p> + <p> + You could see the superstitious crowd shrink and catch their breath, under + the sudden shock. The blacksmith, with a show of bravado, said: + </p> + <p> + “Pooh! What do you know about it?” + </p> + <p> + “I? Everything. By profession I am a fortune-teller, and I read the hands + of you three—and some others—when you lifted them to stone the + woman. One of you will die to-morrow week; another of you will die + to-night; the third has but five minutes to live—and yonder is the + clock!” + </p> + <p> + It made a sensation. The faces of the crowd blanched, and turned + mechanically toward the clock. The butcher and the weaver seemed smitten + with an illness, but the blacksmith braced up and said, with spirit: + </p> + <p> + “It is not long to wait for prediction number one. If it fails, young + master, you will not live a whole minute after, I promise you that.” + </p> + <p> + No one said anything; all watched the clock in a deep stillness which was + impressive. When four and a half minutes were gone the blacksmith gave a + sudden gasp and clapped his hands upon his heart, saying, “Give me breath! + Give me room!” and began to sink down. The crowd surged back, no one + offering to support him, and he fell lumbering to the ground and was dead. + The people stared at him, then at Satan, then at one another; and their + lips moved, but no words came. Then Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “Three saw that I threw no stone. Perhaps there are others; let them + speak.” + </p> + <p> + It struck a kind of panic into them, and, although no one answered him, + many began to violently accuse one another, saying, “You said he didn't + throw,” and getting for reply, “It is a lie, and I will make you eat it!” + And so in a moment they were in a raging and noisy turmoil, and beating + and banging one another; and in the midst was the only indifferent one—the + dead lady hanging from her rope, her troubles forgotten, her spirit at + peace. + </p> + <p> + So we walked away, and I was not at ease, but was saying to myself, “He + told them he was laughing at them, but it was a lie—he was laughing + at me.” + </p> + <p> + That made him laugh again, and he said, “Yes, I was laughing at you, + because, in fear of what others might report about you, you stoned the + woman when your heart revolted at the act—but I was laughing at the + others, too.” + </p> + <p> + “Why?” + </p> + <p> + “Because their case was yours.” + </p> + <p> + “How is that?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no + more desire to throw a stone than you had.” + </p> + <p> + “Satan!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it's true. I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed + by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings + and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. + Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, the + crowd follows it. The vast majority of the race, whether savage or + civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but + in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to + assert themselves. Think of it! One kind-hearted creature spies upon + another, and sees to it that he loyally helps in iniquities which revolt + both of them. Speaking as an expert, I know that ninety-nine out of a + hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of witches when + that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics in the + long ago. And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted prejudice + and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real heart into the + harrying of a witch. And yet apparently everybody hates witches and wants + them killed. Some day a handful will rise up on the other side and make + the most noise—perhaps even a single daring man with a big voice and + a determined front will do it—and in a week all the sheep will wheel + and follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a sudden end. + </p> + <p> + “Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large + defect in your race—the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and + his desire, for safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his + neighbor's eye. These institutions will always remain, and always + flourish, and always oppress you, affront you, and degrade you, because + you will always be and remain slaves of minorities. There was never a + country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal + to any of these institutions.” + </p> + <p> + I did not like to hear our race called sheep, and said I did not think + they were. + </p> + <p> + “Still, it is true, lamb,” said Satan. “Look at you in war—what + mutton you are, and how ridiculous!” + </p> + <p> + “In war? How?” + </p> + <p> + “There has never been a just one, never an honorable one—on the part + of the instigator of the war. I can see a million years ahead, and this + rule will never change in so many as half a dozen instances. The loud + little handful—as usual—will shout for the war. The pulpit + will—warily and cautiously—object—at first; the great, + big, dull bulk of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out + why there should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, “It is + unjust and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it.” Then the + handful will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and + reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a + hearing and be applauded; but it will not last long; those others will + outshout them, and presently the anti-war audiences will thin out and lose + popularity. Before long you will see this curious thing: the speakers + stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes of furious + men who in their secret hearts are still at one with those stoned speakers—as + earlier—but do not dare to say so. And now the whole nation—pulpit + and all—will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob + any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths + will cease to open. Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the + blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of + those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and + refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by + convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better + sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 10 + </h2> + <p> + Days and days went by now, and no Satan. It was dull without him. But the + astrologer, who had returned from his excursion to the moon, went about + the village, braving public opinion, and getting a stone in the middle of + his back now and then when some witch-hater got a safe chance to throw it + and dodge out of sight. Meantime two influences had been working well for + Marget. That Satan, who was quite indifferent to her, had stopped going to + her house after a visit or two had hurt her pride, and she had set herself + the task of banishing him from her heart. Reports of Wilhelm Meidling's + dissipation brought to her from time to time by old Ursula had touched her + with remorse, jealousy of Satan being the cause of it; and so now, these + two matters working upon her together, she was getting a good profit out + of the combination—her interest in Satan was steadily cooling, her + interest in Wilhelm as steadily warming. All that was needed to complete + her conversion was that Wilhelm should brace up and do something that + should cause favorable talk and incline the public toward him again. + </p> + <p> + The opportunity came now. Marget sent and asked him to defend her uncle in + the approaching trial, and he was greatly pleased, and stopped drinking + and began his preparations with diligence. With more diligence than hope, + in fact, for it was not a promising case. He had many interviews in his + office with Seppi and me, and threshed out our testimony pretty + thoroughly, thinking to find some valuable grains among the chaff, but the + harvest was poor, of course. + </p> + <p> + If Satan would only come! That was my constant thought. He could invent + some way to win the case; for he had said it would be won, so he + necessarily knew how it could be done. But the days dragged on, and still + he did not come. Of course I did not doubt that it would be won, and that + Father Peter would be happy for the rest of his life, since Satan had said + so; yet I knew I should be much more comfortable if he would come and tell + us how to manage it. It was getting high time for Father Peter to have a + saving change toward happiness, for by general report he was worn out with + his imprisonment and the ignominy that was burdening him, and was like to + die of his miseries unless he got relief soon. + </p> + <p> + At last the trial came on, and the people gathered from all around to + witness it; among them many strangers from considerable distances. Yes, + everybody was there except the accused. He was too feeble in body for the + strain. But Marget was present, and keeping up her hope and her spirit the + best she could. The money was present, too. It was emptied on the table, + and was handled and caressed and examined by such as were privileged. + </p> + <p> + The astrologer was put in the witness-box. He had on his best hat and robe + for the occasion. + </p> + <p> + QUESTION. You claim that this money is yours? + </p> + <p> + ANSWER. I do. + </p> + <p> + Q. How did you come by it? + </p> + <p> + A. I found the bag in the road when I was returning from a journey. + </p> + <p> + Q. When? + </p> + <p> + A. More than two years ago. + </p> + <p> + Q. What did you do with it? + </p> + <p> + A. I brought it home and hid it in a secret place in my observatory, + intending to find the owner if I could. + </p> + <p> + Q. You endeavored to find him? + </p> + <p> + A. I made diligent inquiry during several months, but nothing came of it. + </p> + <p> + Q. And then? + </p> + <p> + A. I thought it not worth while to look further, and was minded to use the + money in finishing the wing of the foundling-asylum connected with the + priory and nunnery. So I took it out of its hiding-place and counted it to + see if any of it was missing. And then— + </p> + <p> + Q. Why do you stop? Proceed. + </p> + <p> + A. I am sorry to have to say this, but just as I had finished and was + restoring the bag to its place, I looked up and there stood Father Peter + behind me. + </p> + <p> + Several murmured, “That looks bad,” but others answered, “Ah, but he is + such a liar!” + </p> + <p> + Q. That made you uneasy? + </p> + <p> + A. No; I thought nothing of it at the time, for Father Peter often came to + me unannounced to ask for a little help in his need. + </p> + <p> + Marget blushed crimson at hearing her uncle falsely and impudently charged + with begging, especially from one he had always denounced as a fraud, and + was going to speak, but remembered herself in time and held her peace. + </p> + <p> + Q. Proceed. + </p> + <p> + A. In the end I was afraid to contribute the money to the + foundling-asylum, but elected to wait yet another year and continue my + inquiries. When I heard of Father Peter's find I was glad, and no + suspicion entered my mind; when I came home a day or two later and + discovered that my own money was gone I still did not suspect until three + circumstances connected with Father Peter's good fortune struck me as + being singular coincidences. + </p> + <p> + Q. Pray name them. + </p> + <p> + A. Father Peter had found his money in a path—I had found mine in a + road. Father Peter's find consisted exclusively of gold ducats—mine + also. Father Peter found eleven hundred and seven ducats—I exactly + the same. + </p> + <p> + This closed his evidence, and certainly it made a strong impression on the + house; one could see that. + </p> + <p> + Wilhelm Meidling asked him some questions, then called us boys, and we + told our tale. It made the people laugh, and we were ashamed. We were + feeling pretty badly, anyhow, because Wilhelm was hopeless, and showed it. + He was doing as well as he could, poor young fellow, but nothing was in + his favor, and such sympathy as there was was now plainly not with his + client. It might be difficult for court and people to believe the + astrologer's story, considering his character, but it was almost + impossible to believe Father Peter's. We were already feeling badly + enough, but when the astrologer's lawyer said he believed he would not ask + us any questions—for our story was a little delicate and it would be + cruel for him to put any strain upon it—everybody tittered, and it + was almost more than we could bear. Then he made a sarcastic little + speech, and got so much fun out of our tale, and it seemed so ridiculous + and childish and every way impossible and foolish, that it made everybody + laugh till the tears came; and at last Marget could not keep up her + courage any longer, but broke down and cried, and I was so sorry for her. + </p> + <p> + Now I noticed something that braced me up. It was Satan standing alongside + of Wilhelm! And there was such a contrast!—Satan looked so + confident, had such a spirit in his eyes and face, and Wilhelm looked so + depressed and despondent. We two were comfortable now, and judged that he + would testify and persuade the bench and the people that black was white + and white black, or any other color he wanted it. We glanced around to see + what the strangers in the house thought of him, for he was beautiful, you + know—stunning, in fact—but no one was noticing him; so we knew + by that that he was invisible. + </p> + <p> + The lawyer was saying his last words; and while he was saying them Satan + began to melt into Wilhelm. He melted into him and disappeared; and then + there was a change, when his spirit began to look out of Wilhelm's eyes. + </p> + <p> + That lawyer finished quite seriously, and with dignity. He pointed to the + money, and said: + </p> + <p> + “The love of it is the root of all evil. There it lies, the ancient + tempter, newly red with the shame of its latest victory—the dishonor + of a priest of God and his two poor juvenile helpers in crime. If it could + but speak, let us hope that it would be constrained to confess that of all + its conquests this was the basest and the most pathetic.” + </p> + <p> + He sat down. Wilhelm rose and said: + </p> + <p> + “From the testimony of the accuser I gather that he found this money in a + road more than two years ago. Correct me, sir, if I misunderstood you.” + </p> + <p> + The astrologer said his understanding of it was correct. + </p> + <p> + “And the money so found was never out of his hands thenceforth up to a + certain definite date—the last day of last year. Correct me, sir, if + I am wrong.” + </p> + <p> + The astrologer nodded his head. Wilhelm turned to the bench and said: + </p> + <p> + “If I prove that this money here was not that money, then it is not his?” + </p> + <p> + “Certainly not; but this is irregular. If you had such a witness it was + your duty to give proper notice of it and have him here to—” He + broke off and began to consult with the other judges. Meantime that other + lawyer got up excited and began to protest against allowing new witnesses + to be brought into the case at this late stage. + </p> + <p> + The judges decided that his contention was just and must be allowed. + </p> + <p> + “But this is not a new witness,” said Wilhelm. “It has already been partly + examined. I speak of the coin.” + </p> + <p> + “The coin? What can the coin say?” + </p> + <p> + “It can say it is not the coin that the astrologer once possessed. It can + say it was not in existence last December. By its date it can say this.” + </p> + <p> + And it was so! There was the greatest excitement in the court while that + lawyer and the judges were reaching for coins and examining them and + exclaiming. And everybody was full of admiration of Wilhelm's brightness + in happening to think of that neat idea. At last order was called and the + court said: + </p> + <p> + “All of the coins but four are of the date of the present year. The court + tenders its sincere sympathy to the accused, and its deep regret that he, + an innocent man, through an unfortunate mistake, has suffered the + undeserved humiliation of imprisonment and trial. The case is dismissed.” + </p> + <p> + So the money could speak, after all, though that lawyer thought it + couldn't. The court rose, and almost everybody came forward to shake hands + with Marget and congratulate her, and then to shake with Wilhelm and + praise him; and Satan had stepped out of Wilhelm and was standing around + looking on full of interest, and people walking through him every which + way, not knowing he was there. And Wilhelm could not explain why he only + thought of the date on the coins at the last moment, instead of earlier; + he said it just occurred to him, all of a sudden, like an inspiration, and + he brought it right out without any hesitation, for, although he didn't + examine the coins, he seemed, somehow, to know it was true. That was + honest of him, and like him; another would have pretended he had thought + of it earlier, and was keeping it back for a surprise. + </p> + <p> + He had dulled down a little now; not much, but still you could notice that + he hadn't that luminous look in his eyes that he had while Satan was in + him. He nearly got it back, though, for a moment when Marget came and + praised him and thanked him and couldn't keep him from seeing how proud + she was of him. The astrologer went off dissatisfied and cursing, and + Solomon Isaacs gathered up the money and carried it away. It was Father + Peter's for good and all, now. + </p> + <p> + Satan was gone. I judged that he had spirited himself away to the jail to + tell the prisoner the news; and in this I was right. Marget and the rest + of us hurried thither at our best speed, in a great state of rejoicing. + </p> + <p> + Well, what Satan had done was this: he had appeared before that poor + prisoner, exclaiming, “The trial is over, and you stand forever disgraced + as a thief—by verdict of the court!” + </p> + <p> + The shock unseated the old man's reason. When we arrived, ten minutes + later, he was parading pompously up and down and delivering commands to + this and that and the other constable or jailer, and calling them Grand + chamberlain, and Prince This and Prince That, and Admiral of the Fleet, + Field Marshal in Command, and all such fustian, and was as happy as a + bird. He thought he was Emperor! + </p> + <p> + Marget flung herself on his breast and cried, and indeed everybody was + moved almost to heartbreak. He recognized Marget, but could not understand + why she should cry. He patted her on the shoulder and said: + </p> + <p> + “Don't do it, dear; remember, there are witnesses, and it is not becoming + in the Crown Princess. Tell me your trouble—it shall be mended; + there is nothing the Emperor cannot do.” Then he looked around and saw old + Ursula with her apron to her eyes. He was puzzled at that, and said, “And + what is the matter with you?” + </p> + <p> + Through her sobs she got out words explaining that she was distressed to + see him—“so.” He reflected over that a moment, then muttered, as if + to himself: “A singular old thing, the Dowager Duchess—means well, + but is always snuffling and never able to tell what it is about. It is + because she doesn't know.” His eyes fell on Wilhelm. “Prince of India,” he + said, “I divine that it is you that the Crown Princess is concerned about. + Her tears shall be dried; I will no longer stand between you; she shall + share your throne; and between you you shall inherit mine. There, little + lady, have I done well? You can smile now—isn't it so?” + </p> + <p> + He petted Marget and kissed her, and was so contented with himself and + with everybody that he could not do enough for us all, but began to give + away kingdoms and such things right and left, and the least that any of us + got was a principality. And so at last, being persuaded to go home, he + marched in imposing state; and when the crowds along the way saw how it + gratified him to be hurrahed at, they humored him to the top of his + desire, and he responded with condescending bows and gracious smiles, and + often stretched out a hand and said, “Bless you, my people!” + </p> + <p> + As pitiful a sight as ever I saw. And Marget, and old Ursula crying all + the way. + </p> + <p> + On my road home I came upon Satan, and reproached him with deceiving me + with that lie. He was not embarrassed, but said, quite simply and + composedly: + </p> + <p> + “Ah, you mistake; it was the truth. I said he would be happy the rest of + his days, and he will, for he will always think he is the Emperor, and his + pride in it and his joy in it will endure to the end. He is now, and will + remain, the one utterly happy person in this empire.” + </p> + <p> + “But the method of it, Satan, the method! Couldn't you have done it + without depriving him of his reason?” + </p> + <p> + It was difficult to irritate Satan, but that accomplished it. + </p> + <p> + “What an ass you are!” he said. “Are you so unobservant as not to have + found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination? No sane + man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful + thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those. The few + that imagine themselves kings or gods are happy, the rest are no happier + than the sane. Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any + time, but I have been referring to the extreme cases. I have taken from + this man that trumpery thing which the race regards as a Mind; I have + replaced his tin life with a silver-gilt fiction; you see the result—and + you criticize! I said I would make him permanently happy, and I have done + it. I have made him happy by the only means possible to his race—and + you are not satisfied!” He heaved a discouraged sigh, and said, “It seems + to me that this race is hard to please.” + </p> + <p> + There it was, you see. He didn't seem to know any way to do a person a + favor except by killing him or making a lunatic out of him. I apologized, + as well as I could; but privately I did not think much of his processes—at + that time. + </p> + <p> + Satan was accustomed to say that our race lived a life of continuous and + uninterrupted self-deception. It duped itself from cradle to grave with + shams and delusions which it mistook for realities, and this made its + entire life a sham. Of the score of fine qualities which it imagined it + had and was vain of, it really possessed hardly one. It regarded itself as + gold, and was only brass. One day when he was in this vein he mentioned a + detail—the sense of humor. I cheered up then, and took issue. I said + we possessed it. + </p> + <p> + “There spoke the race!” he said; “always ready to claim what it hasn't + got, and mistake its ounce of brass filings for a ton of gold-dust. You + have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you + possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade + and trivial things—broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, + absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade + comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision. + Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these + juvenilities and laugh at them—and by laughing at them destroy them? + For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective + weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these + can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a + little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and + atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. You + are always fussing and fighting with your other weapons. Do you ever use + that one? No; you leave it lying rusting. As a race, do you ever use it at + all? No; you lack sense and the courage.” + </p> + <p> + We were traveling at the time and stopped at a little city in India and + looked on while a juggler did his tricks before a group of natives. They + were wonderful, but I knew Satan could beat that game, and I begged him to + show off a little, and he said he would. He changed himself into a native + in turban and breech-cloth, and very considerately conferred on me a + temporary knowledge of the language. + </p> + <p> + The juggler exhibited a seed, covered it with earth in a small flower-pot, + then put a rag over the pot; after a minute the rag began to rise; in ten + minutes it had risen a foot; then the rag was removed and a little tree + was exposed, with leaves upon it and ripe fruit. We ate the fruit, and it + was good. But Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “Why do you cover the pot? Can't you grow the tree in the sunlight?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the juggler; “no one can do that.” + </p> + <p> + “You are only an apprentice; you don't know your trade. Give me the seed. + I will show you.” He took the seed and said, “What shall I raise from it?” + </p> + <p> + “It is a cherry seed; of course you will raise a cherry.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no; that is a trifle; any novice can do that. Shall I raise an + orange-tree from it?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes!” and the juggler laughed. + </p> + <p> + “And shall I make it bear other fruits as well as oranges?” + </p> + <p> + “If God wills!” and they all laughed. + </p> + <p> + Satan put the seed in the ground, put a handful of dust on it, and said, + “Rise!” + </p> + <p> + A tiny stem shot up and began to grow, and grew so fast that in five + minutes it was a great tree, and we were sitting in the shade of it. There + was a murmur of wonder, then all looked up and saw a strange and pretty + sight, for the branches were heavy with fruits of many kinds and colors—oranges, + grapes, bananas, peaches, cherries, apricots, and so on. Baskets were + brought, and the unlading of the tree began; and the people crowded around + Satan and kissed his hand, and praised him, calling him the prince of + jugglers. The news went about the town, and everybody came running to see + the wonder—and they remembered to bring baskets, too. But the tree + was equal to the occasion; it put out new fruits as fast as any were + removed; baskets were filled by the score and by the hundred, but always + the supply remained undiminished. At last a foreigner in white linen and + sun-helmet arrived, and exclaimed, angrily: + </p> + <p> + “Away from here! Clear out, you dogs; the tree is on my lands and is my + property.” + </p> + <p> + The natives put down their baskets and made humble obeisance. Satan made + humble obeisance, too, with his fingers to his forehead, in the native + way, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Please let them have their pleasure for an hour, sir—only that, and + no longer. Afterward you may forbid them; and you will still have more + fruit than you and the state together can consume in a year.” + </p> + <p> + This made the foreigner very angry, and he cried out, “Who are you, you + vagabond, to tell your betters what they may do and what they mayn't!” and + he struck Satan with his cane and followed this error with a kick. + </p> + <p> + The fruits rotted on the branches, and the leaves withered and fell. The + foreigner gazed at the bare limbs with the look of one who is surprised, + and not gratified. Satan said: + </p> + <p> + “Take good care of the tree, for its health and yours are bound together. + It will never bear again, but if you tend it well it will live long. Water + its roots once in each hour every night—and do it yourself; it must + not be done by proxy, and to do it in daylight will not answer. If you + fail only once in any night, the tree will die, and you likewise. Do not + go home to your own country any more—you would not reach there; make + no business or pleasure engagements which require you to go outside your + gate at night—you cannot afford the risk; do not rent or sell this + place—it would be injudicious.” + </p> + <p> + The foreigner was proud and wouldn't beg, but I thought he looked as if he + would like to. While he stood gazing at Satan we vanished away and landed + in Ceylon. + </p> + <p> + I was sorry for that man; sorry Satan hadn't been his customary self and + killed him or made him a lunatic. It would have been a mercy. Satan + overheard the thought, and said: + </p> + <p> + “I would have done it but for his wife, who has not offended me. She is + coming to him presently from their native land, Portugal. She is well, but + has not long to live, and has been yearning to see him and persuade him to + go back with her next year. She will die without knowing he can't leave + that place.” + </p> + <p> + “He won't tell her?” + </p> + <p> + “He? He will not trust that secret with any one; he will reflect that it + could be revealed in sleep, in the hearing of some Portuguese guest's + servant some time or other.” + </p> + <p> + “Did none of those natives understand what you said to him?” + </p> + <p> + “None of them understood, but he will always be afraid that some of them + did. That fear will be torture to him, for he has been a harsh master to + them. In his dreams he will imagine them chopping his tree down. That will + make his days uncomfortable—I have already arranged for his nights.” + </p> + <p> + It grieved me, though not sharply, to see him take such a malicious + satisfaction in his plans for this foreigner. + </p> + <p> + “Does he believe what you told him, Satan?” + </p> + <p> + “He thought he didn't, but our vanishing helped. The tree, where there had + been no tree before—that helped. The insane and uncanny variety of + fruits—the sudden withering—all these things are helps. Let + him think as he may, reason as he may, one thing is certain, he will water + the tree. But between this and night he will begin his changed career with + a very natural precaution—for him.” + </p> + <p> + “What is that?” + </p> + <p> + “He will fetch a priest to cast out the tree's devil. You are such a + humorous race—and don't suspect it.” + </p> + <p> + “Will he tell the priest?” + </p> + <p> + “No. He will say a juggler from Bombay created it, and that he wants the + juggler's devil driven out of it, so that it will thrive and be fruitful + again. The priest's incantations will fail; then the Portuguese will give + up that scheme and get his watering-pot ready.” + </p> + <p> + “But the priest will burn the tree. I know it; he will not allow it to + remain.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, and anywhere in Europe he would burn the man, too. But in India the + people are civilized, and these things will not happen. The man will drive + the priest away and take care of the tree.” + </p> + <p> + I reflected a little, then said, “Satan, you have given him a hard life, I + think.” + </p> + <p> + “Comparatively. It must not be mistaken for a holiday.” + </p> + <p> + We flitted from place to place around the world as we had done before, + Satan showing me a hundred wonders, most of them reflecting in some way + the weakness and triviality of our race. He did this now every few days—not + out of malice—I am sure of that—it only seemed to amuse and + interest him, just as a naturalist might be amused and interested by a + collection of ants. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Chapter 11 + </h2> + <p> + For as much as a year Satan continued these visits, but at last he came + less often, and then for a long time he did not come at all. This always + made me lonely and melancholy. I felt that he was losing interest in our + tiny world and might at any time abandon his visits entirely. When one day + he finally came to me I was overjoyed, but only for a little while. He had + come to say good-by, he told me, and for the last time. He had + investigations and undertakings in other corners of the universe, he said, + that would keep him busy for a longer period than I could wait for his + return. + </p> + <p> + “And you are going away, and will not come back any more?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” he said. “We have comraded long together, and it has been pleasant—pleasant + for both; but I must go now, and we shall not see each other any more.” + </p> + <p> + “In this life, Satan, but in another? We shall meet in another, surely?” + </p> + <p> + Then, all tranquilly and soberly, he made the strange answer, “There is no + other.” + </p> + <p> + A subtle influence blew upon my spirit from his, bringing with it a vague, + dim, but blessed and hopeful feeling that the incredible words might be + true—even must be true. + </p> + <p> + “Have you never suspected this, Theodor?” + </p> + <p> + “No. How could I? But if it can only be true—” + </p> + <p> + “It is true.” + </p> + <p> + A gust of thankfulness rose in my breast, but a doubt checked it before it + could issue in words, and I said, “But—but—we have seen that + future life—seen it in its actuality, and so—” + </p> + <p> + “It was a vision—it had no existence.” + </p> + <p> + I could hardly breathe for the great hope that was struggling in me. “A + vision?—a vi—” + </p> + <p> + “Life itself is only a vision, a dream.” + </p> + +<div class="fig" style="width:50%;"> <img src="images/{0173}.jpg" alt="{0173}" width="100%" /><br /> </div> <h5> <a href="images/{0173}.jpg"> <img src="images/enlarge.jpg" alt="" /> </a> </h5> + + <p> + It was electrical. By God! I had had that very thought a thousand times in + my musings! + </p> + <p> + “Nothing exists; all is a dream. God—man—the world—the + sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars—a dream, all a dream; they + have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space—and you!” + </p> + <p> + “I!” + </p> + <p> + “And you are not you—you have no body, no blood, no bones, you are + but a thought. I myself have no existence; I am but a dream—your + dream, creature of your imagination. In a moment you will have realized + this, then you will banish me from your visions and I shall dissolve into + the nothingness out of which you made me.... + </p> + <p> + “I am perishing already—I am failing—I am passing away. In a + little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless + solitudes without friend or comrade forever—for you will remain a + thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, + indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself + and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better! + </p> + <p> + “Strange! that you should not have suspected years ago—centuries, + ages, eons, ago!—for you have existed, companionless, through all + the eternities. Strange, indeed, that you should not have suspected that + your universe and its contents were only dreams, visions, fiction! + Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane—like + all dreams: a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet + preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, + yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, + yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, + yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless + lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of + mind and body; who mouths justice and invented hell—mouths mercy and + invented hell—mouths Golden Rules, and forgiveness multiplied by + seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people + and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who + created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility + for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, + upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this + poor, abused slave to worship him!... + </p> + <p> + “You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a + dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly + creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks—in a + word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are + all present; you should have recognized them earlier. + </p> + <p> + “It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no + universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a + dream—a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you + are but a thought—a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless + thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!” + </p> + <p> + He vanished, and left me appalled; for I knew, and realized, that all he + had said was true. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + A FABLE + </h2> + <p> + Once upon a time an artist who had painted a small and very beautiful + picture placed it so that he could see it in the mirror. He said, “This + doubles the distance and softens it, and it is twice as lovely as it was + before.” + </p> + <p> + The animals out in the woods heard of this through the housecat, who was + greatly admired by them because he was so learned, and so refined and + civilized, and so polite and high-bred, and could tell them so much which + they didn't know before, and were not certain about afterward. They were + much excited about this new piece of gossip, and they asked questions, so + as to get at a full understanding of it. They asked what a picture was, + and the cat explained. + </p> + <p> + “It is a flat thing,” he said; “wonderfully flat, marvelously flat, + enchantingly flat and elegant. And, oh, so beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + That excited them almost to a frenzy, and they said they would give the + world to see it. Then the bear asked: + </p> + <p> + “What is it that makes it so beautiful?” + </p> + <p> + “It is the looks of it,” said the cat. + </p> + <p> + This filled them with admiration and uncertainty, and they were more + excited than ever. Then the cow asked: + </p> + <p> + “What is a mirror?” + </p> + <p> + “It is a hole in the wall,” said the cat. “You look in it, and there you + see the picture, and it is so dainty and charming and ethereal and + inspiring in its unimaginable beauty that your head turns round and round, + and you almost swoon with ecstasy.” + </p> + <p> + The ass had not said anything as yet; he now began to throw doubts. He + said there had never been anything as beautiful as this before, and + probably wasn't now. He said that when it took a whole basketful of + sesquipedalian adjectives to whoop up a thing of beauty, it was time for + suspicion. + </p> + <p> + It was easy to see that these doubts were having an effect upon the + animals, so the cat went off offended. The subject was dropped for a + couple of days, but in the meantime curiosity was taking a fresh start, + and there was a revival of interest perceptible. Then the animals assailed + the ass for spoiling what could possibly have been a pleasure to them, on + a mere suspicion that the picture was not beautiful, without any evidence + that such was the case. The ass was not troubled; he was calm, and said + there was one way to find out who was in the right, himself or the cat: he + would go and look in that hole, and come back and tell what he found + there. The animals felt relieved and grateful, and asked him to go at once—which + he did. + </p> + <p> + But he did not know where he ought to stand; and so, through error, he + stood between the picture and the mirror. The result was that the picture + had no chance, and didn't show up. He returned home and said: + </p> + <p> + “The cat lied. There was nothing in that hole but an ass. There wasn't a + sign of a flat thing visible. It was a handsome ass, and friendly, but + just an ass, and nothing more.” + </p> + <p> + The elephant asked: + </p> + <p> + “Did you see it good and clear? Were you close to it?” + </p> + <p> + “I saw it good and clear, O Hathi, King of Beasts. I was so close that I + touched noses with it.” + </p> + <p> + “This is very strange,” said the elephant; “the cat was always truthful + before—as far as we could make out. Let another witness try. Go, + Baloo, look in the hole, and come and report.” + </p> + <p> + So the bear went. When he came back, he said: + </p> + <p> + “Both the cat and the ass have lied; there was nothing in the hole but a + bear.” + </p> + <p> + Great was the surprise and puzzlement of the animals. Each was now anxious + to make the test himself and get at the straight truth. The elephant sent + them one at a time. + </p> + <p> + First, the cow. She found nothing in the hole but a cow. + </p> + <p> + The tiger found nothing in it but a tiger. + </p> + <p> + The lion found nothing in it but a lion. + </p> + <p> + The leopard found nothing in it but a leopard. + </p> + <p> + The camel found a camel, and nothing more. + </p> + <p> + Then Hathi was wroth, and said he would have the truth, if he had to go + and fetch it himself. When he returned, he abused his whole subjectry for + liars, and was in an unappeasable fury with the moral and mental blindness + of the cat. He said that anybody but a near-sighted fool could see that + there was nothing in the hole but an elephant. + </p> +<p class="center"> + MORAL, BY THE CAT +</p> + <p> + You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it + and the mirror of your imagination. You may not see your ears, but they + will be there. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY + </h2> + <p> + When I was a boy my uncle and his big boys hunted with the rifle, the + youngest boy Fred and I with a shotgun—a small single-barrelled + shotgun which was properly suited to our size and strength; it was not + much heavier than a broom. We carried it turn about, half an hour at a + time. I was not able to hit anything with it, but I liked to try. Fred and + I hunted feathered small game, the others hunted deer, squirrels, wild + turkeys, and such things. My uncle and the big boys were good shots. They + killed hawks and wild geese and such like on the wing; and they didn't + wound or kill squirrels, they stunned them. When the dogs treed a + squirrel, the squirrel would scamper aloft and run out on a limb and + flatten himself along it, hoping to make himself invisible in that way—and + not quite succeeding. You could see his wee little ears sticking up. You + couldn't see his nose, but you knew where it was. Then the hunter, + despising a “rest” for his rifle, stood up and took offhand aim at the + limb and sent a bullet into it immediately under the squirrel's nose, and + down tumbled the animal, unwounded, but unconscious; the dogs gave him a + shake and he was dead. Sometimes when the distance was great and the wind + not accurately allowed for, the bullet would hit the squirrel's head; the + dogs could do as they pleased with that one—the hunter's pride was + hurt, and he wouldn't allow it to go into the gamebag. + </p> + <p> + In the first faint gray of the dawn the stately wild turkeys would be + stalking around in great flocks, and ready to be sociable and answer + invitations to come and converse with other excursionists of their kind. + The hunter concealed himself and imitated the turkey-call by sucking the + air through the leg-bone of a turkey which had previously answered a call + like that and lived only just long enough to regret it. There is nothing + that furnishes a perfect turkey-call except that bone. Another of Nature's + treacheries, you see. She is full of them; half the time she doesn't know + which she likes best—to betray her child or protect it. In the case + of the turkey she is badly mixed: she gives it a bone to be used in + getting it into trouble, and she also furnishes it with a trick for + getting itself out of the trouble again. When a mamma-turkey answers an + invitation and finds she has made a mistake in accepting it, she does as + the mamma-partridge does—remembers a previous engagement—and + goes limping and scrambling away, pretending to be very lame; and at the + same time she is saying to her not-visible children, “Lie low, keep still, + don't expose yourselves; I shall be back as soon as I have beguiled this + shabby swindler out of the country.” + </p> + <p> + When a person is ignorant and confiding, this immoral device can have + tiresome results. I followed an ostensibly lame turkey over a considerable + part of the United States one morning, because I believed in her and could + not think she would deceive a mere boy, and one who was trusting her and + considering her honest. I had the single-barrelled shotgun, but my idea + was to catch her alive. I often got within rushing distance of her, and + then made my rush; but always, just as I made my final plunge and put my + hand down where her back had been, it wasn't there; it was only two or + three inches from there and I brushed the tail-feathers as I landed on my + stomach—a very close call, but still not quite close enough; that + is, not close enough for success, but just close enough to convince me + that I could do it next time. She always waited for me, a little piece + away, and let on to be resting and greatly fatigued; which was a lie, but + I believed it, for I still thought her honest long after I ought to have + begun to doubt her, suspecting that this was no way for a high-minded bird + to be acting. I followed, and followed, and followed, making my periodical + rushes, and getting up and brushing the dust off, and resuming the voyage + with patient confidence; indeed, with a confidence which grew, for I could + see by the change of climate and vegetation that we were getting up into + the high latitudes, and as she always looked a little tireder and a little + more discouraged after each rush, I judged that I was safe to win, in the + end, the competition being purely a matter of staying power and the + advantage lying with me from the start because she was lame. + </p> + <p> + Along in the afternoon I began to feel fatigued myself. Neither of us had + had any rest since we first started on the excursion, which was upwards of + ten hours before, though latterly we had paused awhile after rushes, I + letting on to be thinking about something else; but neither of us sincere, + and both of us waiting for the other to call game but in no real hurry + about it, for indeed those little evanescent snatches of rest were very + grateful to the feelings of us both; it would naturally be so, skirmishing + along like that ever since dawn and not a bite in the meantime; at least + for me, though sometimes as she lay on her side fanning herself with a + wing and praying for strength to get out of this difficulty a grasshopper + happened along whose time had come, and that was well for her, and + fortunate, but I had nothing—nothing the whole day. + </p> + <p> + More than once, after I was very tired, I gave up taking her alive, and + was going to shoot her, but I never did it, although it was my right, for + I did not believe I could hit her; and besides, she always stopped and + posed, when I raised the gun, and this made me suspicious that she knew + about me and my marksmanship, and so I did not care to expose myself to + remarks. + </p> + <p> + I did not get her, at all. When she got tired of the game at last, she + rose from almost under my hand and flew aloft with the rush and whir of a + shell and lit on the highest limb of a great tree and sat down and crossed + her legs and smiled down at me, and seemed gratified to see me so + astonished. + </p> + <p> + I was ashamed, and also lost; and it was while wandering the woods hunting + for myself that I found a deserted log cabin and had one of the best meals + there that in my life-days I have eaten. The weed-grown garden was full of + ripe tomatoes, and I ate them ravenously, though I had never liked them + before. Not more than two or three times since have I tasted anything that + was so delicious as those tomatoes. I surfeited myself with them, and did + not taste another one until I was in middle life. I can eat them now, but + I do not like the look of them. I suppose we have all experienced a + surfeit at one time or another. Once, in stress of circumstances, I ate + part of a barrel of sardines, there being nothing else at hand, but since + then I have always been able to get along without sardines. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM + </h2> + <p> + The conversation drifted smoothly and pleasantly along from weather to + crops, from crops to literature, from literature to scandal, from scandal + to religion; then took a random jump, and landed on the subject of burglar + alarms. And now for the first time Mr. McWilliams showed feeling. Whenever + I perceive this sign on this man's dial, I comprehend it, and lapse into + silence, and give him opportunity to unload his heart. Said he, with but + ill-controlled emotion: + </p> + <p> + “I do not go one single cent on burglar alarms, Mr. Twain—not a + single cent—and I will tell you why. When we were finishing our + house, we found we had a little cash left over, on account of the plumber + not knowing it. I was for enlightening the heathen with it, for I was + always unaccountably down on the heathen somehow; but Mrs. McWilliams said + no, let's have a burglar alarm. I agreed to this compromise. I will + explain that whenever I want a thing, and Mrs. McWilliams wants another + thing, and we decide upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams wants—as we + always do—she calls that a compromise. Very well: the man came up + from New York and put in the alarm, and charged three hundred and + twenty-five dollars for it, and said we could sleep without uneasiness + now. So we did for awhile—say a month. Then one night we smelled + smoke, and I was advised to get up and see what the matter was. I lit a + candle, and started toward the stairs, and met a burglar coming out of a + room with a basket of tinware, which he had mistaken for solid silver in + the dark. He was smoking a pipe. I said, 'My friend, we do not allow + smoking in this room.' He said he was a stranger, and could not be + expected to know the rules of the house: said he had been in many houses + just as good as this one, and it had never been objected to before. He + added that as far as his experience went, such rules had never been + considered to apply to burglars, anyway. + </p> + <p> + “I said: 'Smoke along, then, if it is the custom, though I think that the + conceding of a privilege to a burglar which is denied to a bishop is a + conspicuous sign of the looseness of the times. But waiving all that, what + business have you to be entering this house in this furtive and + clandestine way, without ringing the burglar alarm?' + </p> + <p> + “He looked confused and ashamed, and said, with embarrassment: 'I beg a + thousand pardons. I did not know you had a burglar alarm, else I would + have rung it. I beg you will not mention it where my parents may hear of + it, for they are old and feeble, and such a seemingly wanton breach of the + hallowed conventionalities of our Christian civilization might all too + rudely sunder the frail bridge which hangs darkling between the pale and + evanescent present and the solemn great deeps of the eternities. May I + trouble you for a match?' + </p> + <p> + “I said: 'Your sentiments do you honor, but if you will allow me to say + it, metaphor is not your best hold. Spare your thigh; this kind light only + on the box, and seldom there, in fact, if my experience may be trusted. + But to return to business: how did you get in here?' + </p> + <p> + “'Through a second-story window.' + </p> + <p> + “It was even so. I redeemed the tinware at pawnbroker's rates, less cost + of advertising, bade the burglar good-night, closed the window after him, + and retired to headquarters to report. Next morning we sent for the + burglar-alarm man, and he came up and explained that the reason the alarm + did not 'go off' was that no part of the house but the first floor was + attached to the alarm. This was simply idiotic; one might as well have no + armor on at all in battle as to have it only on his legs. The expert now + put the whole second story on the alarm, charged three hundred dollars for + it, and went his way. By and by, one night, I found a burglar in the third + story, about to start down a ladder with a lot of miscellaneous property. + My first impulse was to crack his head with a billiard cue; but my second + was to refrain from this attention, because he was between me and the cue + rack. The second impulse was plainly the soundest, so I refrained, and + proceeded to compromise. I redeemed the property at former rates, after + deducting ten per cent. for use of ladder, it being my ladder, and, next + day we sent down for the expert once more, and had the third story + attached to the alarm, for three hundred dollars. + </p> + <p> + “By this time the 'annunciator' had grown to formidable dimensions. It had + forty-seven tags on it, marked with the names of the various rooms and + chimneys, and it occupied the space of an ordinary wardrobe. The gong was + the size of a wash-bowl, and was placed above the head of our bed. There + was a wire from the house to the coachman's quarters in the stable, and a + noble gong alongside his pillow. + </p> + <p> + “We should have been comfortable now but for one defect. Every morning at + five the cook opened the kitchen door, in the way of business, and rip + went that gong! The first time this happened I thought the last day was + come sure. I didn't think it in bed—no, but out of it—for the + first effect of that frightful gong is to hurl you across the house, and + slam you against the wall, and then curl you up, and squirm you like a + spider on a stove lid, till somebody shuts the kitchen door. In solid + fact, there is no clamor that is even remotely comparable to the dire + clamor which that gong makes. Well, this catastrophe happened every + morning regularly at five o'clock, and lost us three hours sleep; for, + mind you, when that thing wakes you, it doesn't merely wake you in spots; + it wakes you all over, conscience and all, and you are good for eighteen + hours of wide-awakeness subsequently—eighteen hours of the very most + inconceivable wide-awakeness that you ever experienced in your life. A + stranger died on our hands one time, and we vacated and left him in our + room overnight. Did that stranger wait for the general judgment? No, sir; + he got up at five the next morning in the most prompt and unostentatious + way. I knew he would; I knew it mighty well. He collected his + life-insurance, and lived happy ever after, for there was plenty of proof + as to the perfect squareness of his death. + </p> + <p> + “Well, we were gradually fading toward a better land, on account of the + daily loss of sleep; so we finally had the expert up again, and he ran a + wire to the outside of the door, and placed a switch there, whereby + Thomas, the butler, always made one little mistake—he switched the + alarm off at night when he went to bed, and switched it on again at + daybreak in the morning, just in time for the cook to open the kitchen + door, and enable that gong to slam us across the house, sometimes breaking + a window with one or the other of us. At the end of a week we recognized + that this switch business was a delusion and a snare. We also discovered + that a band of burglars had been lodging in the house the whole time—not + exactly to steal, for there wasn't much left now, but to hide from the + police, for they were hot pressed, and they shrewdly judged that the + detectives would never think of a tribe of burglars taking sanctuary in a + house notoriously protected by the most imposing and elaborate burglar + alarm in America. + </p> + <p> + “Sent down for the expert again, and this time he struck a most dazzling + idea—he fixed the thing so that opening the kitchen door would take + off the alarm. It was a noble idea, and he charged accordingly. But you + already foresee the result. I switched on the alarm every night at + bed-time, no longer trusting on Thomas's frail memory; and as soon as the + lights were out the burglars walked in at the kitchen door, thus taking + the alarm off without waiting for the cook to do it in the morning. You + see how aggravatingly we were situated. For months we couldn't have any + company. Not a spare bed in the house; all occupied by burglars. + </p> + <p> + “Finally, I got up a cure of my own. The expert answered the call, and ran + another ground wire to the stable, and established a switch there, so that + the coachman could put on and take off the alarm. That worked first rate, + and a season of peace ensued, during which we got to inviting company once + more and enjoying life. + </p> + <p> + “But by and by the irrepressible alarm invented a new kink. One winter's + night we were flung out of bed by the sudden music of that awful gong, and + when we hobbled to the annunciator, turned up the gas, and saw the word + 'Nursery' exposed, Mrs. McWilliams fainted dead away, and I came precious + near doing the same thing myself. I seized my shotgun, and stood timing + the coachman whilst that appalling buzzing went on. I knew that his gong + had flung him out, too, and that he would be along with his gun as soon as + he could jump into his clothes. When I judged that the time was ripe, I + crept to the room next the nursery, glanced through the window, and saw + the dim outline of the coachman in the yard below, standing at + present-arms and waiting for a chance. Then I hopped into the nursery and + fired, and in the same instant the coachman fired at the red flash of my + gun. Both of us were successful; I crippled a nurse, and he shot off all + my back hair. We turned up the gas, and telephoned for a surgeon. There + was not a sign of a burglar, and no window had been raised. One glass was + absent, but that was where the coachman's charge had come through. Here + was a fine mystery—a burglar alarm 'going off' at midnight of its + own accord, and not a burglar in the neighborhood! + </p> + <p> + “The expert answered the usual call, and explained that it was a 'False + alarm.' Said it was easily fixed. So he overhauled the nursery window, + charged a remunerative figure for it, and departed. + </p> + <p> + “What we suffered from false alarms for the next three years no + stylographic pen can describe. During the next three months I always flew + with my gun to the room indicated, and the coachman always sallied forth + with his battery to support me. But there was never anything to shoot at—windows + all tight and secure. We always sent down for the expert next day, and he + fixed those particular windows so they would keep quiet a week or so, and + always remembered to send us a bill about like this: + </p> + +<table summary="" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto"> + +<tr> +<td>Wire</td><td>$2.15</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Nipple</td><td> .75</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Two hours’ labor</td><td> 1.50</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Wax</td><td> .47</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Tape</td><td> .34</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Screws</td><td> .15</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Recharging battery</td><td> .98</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Three hours’ labor</td><td> 2.25</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>String</td><td> .02</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Lard</td><td> .66</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Pond's Extract</td><td> 1.25</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Springs at 50</td><td> 2.00</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td>Railroad fares</td><td> 7.25</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td></td><td>———</td> +</tr> + +<tr> +<td></td><td> 19.77</td> +</tr> + +</table> + + <p> + “At length a perfectly natural thing came about—after we had + answered three or four hundred false alarms—to wit, we stopped + answering them. Yes, I simply rose up calmly, when slammed across the + house by the alarm, calmly inspected the annunciator, took note of the + room indicated; and then calmly disconnected that room from the alarm, and + went back to bed as if nothing had happened. Moreover, I left that room + off permanently, and did not send for the expert. Well, it goes without + saying that in the course of time all the rooms were taken off, and the + entire machine was out of service. + </p> + <p> + “It was at this unprotected time that the heaviest calamity of all + happened. The burglars walked in one night and carried off the burglar + alarm! yes, sir, every hide and hair of it: ripped it out, tooth and nail; + springs, bells, gongs, battery, and all; they took a hundred and fifty + miles of copper wire; they just cleaned her out, bag and baggage, and + never left us a vestige of her to swear at—swear by, I mean. + </p> + <p> + “We had a time of it to get her back; but we accomplished it finally, for + money. The alarm firm said that what we needed now was to have her put in + right—with their new patent springs in the windows to make false + alarms impossible, and their new patent clock attached to take off and put + on the alarm morning and night without human assistance. That seemed a + good scheme. They promised to have the whole thing finished in ten days. + They began work, and we left for the summer. They worked a couple of days; + then they left for the summer. After which the burglars moved in, and + began their summer vacation. When we returned in the fall, the house was + as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. We + refurnished, and then sent down to hurry up the expert. He came up and + finished the job, and said: 'Now this clock is set to put on the alarm + every night at 10, and take it off every morning at 5:45. All you've got + to do is to wind her up every week, and then leave her alone—she + will take care of the alarm herself.' + </p> + <p> + “After that we had a most tranquil season during three months. The bill + was prodigious, of course, and I had said I would not pay it until the new + machinery had proved itself to be flawless. The time stipulated was three + months. So I paid the bill, and the very next day the alarm went to + buzzing like ten thousand bee swarms at ten o'clock in the morning. I + turned the hands around twelve hours, according to instructions, and this + took off the alarm; but there was another hitch at night, and I had to set + her ahead twelve hours once more to get her to put the alarm on again. + That sort of nonsense went on a week or two, then the expert came up and + put in a new clock. He came up every three months during the next three + years, and put in a new clock. But it was always a failure. His clocks all + had the same perverse defect: they would put the alarm on in the daytime, + and they would not put it on at night; and if you forced it on yourself, + they would take it off again the minute your back was turned. + </p> + <p> + “Now there is the history of that burglar alarm—everything just as + it happened; nothing extenuated, and naught set down in malice. Yes, sir,—and + when I had slept nine years with burglars, and maintained an expensive + burglar alarm the whole time, for their protection, not mine, and at my + sole cost—for not a d—-d cent could I ever get THEM to + contribute—I just said to Mrs. McWilliams that I had had enough of + that kind of pie; so with her full consent I took the whole thing out and + traded it off for a dog, and shot the dog. I don't know what you think + about it, Mr. Twain; but I think those things are made solely in the + interest of the burglars. Yes, sir, a burglar alarm combines in its person + all that is objectionable about a fire, a riot, and a harem, and at the + same time had none of the compensating advantages, of one sort or another, + that customarily belong with that combination. 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