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diff --git a/3186-0.txt b/3186-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..01f6e3a --- /dev/null +++ b/3186-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4603 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories, by Mark Twain + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and +most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms +of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you +will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before +using this eBook. + +Title: The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories + +Author: Mark Twain + +Illustrator: N.C. Wyeth + +Release Date: February 25, 2001 [eBook #3186] +[Most recently updated: August 26, 2021] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +Produced by: David Widger, Be Wolf and Donald F. Behan + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER *** + + + + +THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + +by Mark Twain + + + Note: “The Mysterious Stranger” was written in 1898 and + never finished. The editors of Twain's “Collected Works” + completed the story prior to publication. At what point in + this work Twain left off and where the editor's began + is not made clear in the print copy used as the basis of + this eBook. + + + + +Contents: + + The Mysterious Stranger + A Fable + Hunting The Deceitful Turkey + The McWilliamses And The Burglar Alarm + + + + + +THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER + + + +Chapter 1 + +It was in 1590--winter. Austria was far away from the world, and asleep; +it was still the Middle Ages in Austria, and promised to remain so +forever. Some even set it away back centuries upon centuries and said +that by the mental and spiritual clock it was still the Age of Belief +in Austria. But they meant it as a compliment, not a slur, and it was so +taken, and we were all proud of it. I remember it well, although I was +only a boy; and I remember, too, the pleasure it gave me. + +Yes, Austria was far from the world, and asleep, and our village was in +the middle of that sleep, being in the middle of Austria. It drowsed in +peace in the deep privacy of a hilly and woodsy solitude where news from +the world hardly ever came to disturb its dreams, and was infinitely +content. At its front flowed the tranquil river, its surface painted +with cloud-forms and the reflections of drifting arks and stone-boats; +behind it rose the woody steeps to the base of the lofty precipice; +from the top of the precipice frowned a vast castle, its long stretch of +towers and bastions mailed in vines; beyond the river, a league to the +left, was a tumbled expanse of forest-clothed hills cloven by winding +gorges where the sun never penetrated; and to the right a precipice +overlooked the river, and between it and the hills just spoken of lay a +far-reaching plain dotted with little homesteads nested among orchards +and shade trees. + +The whole region for leagues around was the hereditary property of a +prince, whose servants kept the castle always in perfect condition for +occupancy, but neither he nor his family came there oftener than once +in five years. When they came it was as if the lord of the world had +arrived, and had brought all the glories of its kingdoms along; and when +they went they left a calm behind which was like the deep sleep which +follows an orgy. + +Eseldorf was a paradise for us boys. We were not overmuch pestered with +schooling. Mainly we were trained to be good Christians; to revere +the Virgin, the Church, and the saints above everything. Beyond these +matters we were not required to know much; and, in fact, not allowed +to. Knowledge was not good for the common people, and could make them +discontented with the lot which God had appointed for them, and God +would not endure discontentment with His plans. We had two priests. One +of them, Father Adolf, was a very zealous and strenuous priest, much +considered. + +There may have been better priests, in some ways, than Father Adolf, but +there was never one in our commune who was held in more solemn and awful +respect. This was because he had absolutely no fear of the Devil. He was +the only Christian I have ever known of whom that could be truly said. +People stood in deep dread of him on that account; for they thought that +there must be something supernatural about him, else he could not be so +bold and so confident. All men speak in bitter disapproval of the Devil, +but they do it reverently, not flippantly; but Father Adolf's way was +very different; he called him by every name he could lay his tongue to, +and it made everyone shudder that heard him; and often he would +even speak of him scornfully and scoffingly; then the people crossed +themselves and went quickly out of his presence, fearing that something +fearful might happen. + +Father Adolf had actually met Satan face to face more than once, and +defied him. This was known to be so. Father Adolf said it himself. He +never made any secret of it, but spoke it right out. And that he was +speaking true there was proof in at least one instance, for on that +occasion he quarreled with the enemy, and intrepidly threw his bottle at +him; and there, upon the wall of his study, was the ruddy splotch where +it struck and broke. + +But it was Father Peter, the other priest, that we all loved best and +were sorriest for. Some people charged him with talking around in +conversation that God was all goodness and would find a way to save all +his poor human children. It was a horrible thing to say, but there was +never any absolute proof that Father Peter said it; and it was out of +character for him to say it, too, for he was always good and gentle and +truthful. He wasn't charged with saying it in the pulpit, where all the +congregation could hear and testify, but only outside, in talk; and it +is easy for enemies to manufacture that. Father Peter had an enemy and a +very powerful one, the astrologer who lived in a tumbled old tower up +the valley, and put in his nights studying the stars. Every one knew he +could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there +was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere. But he could also +read any man's life through the stars in a big book he had, and find +lost property, and every one in the village except Father Peter stood in +awe of him. Even Father Adolf, who had defied the Devil, had a wholesome +respect for the astrologer when he came through our village wearing his +tall, pointed hat and his long, flowing robe with stars on it, carrying +his big book, and a staff which was known to have magic power. The +bishop himself sometimes listened to the astrologer, it was said, for, +besides studying the stars and prophesying, the astrologer made a great +show of piety, which would impress the bishop, of course. + +But Father Peter took no stock in the astrologer. He denounced him +openly as a charlatan--a fraud with no valuable knowledge of any kind, +or powers beyond those of an ordinary and rather inferior human being, +which naturally made the astrologer hate Father Peter and wish to ruin +him. It was the astrologer, as we all believed, who originated the story +about Father Peter's shocking remark and carried it to the bishop. It +was said that Father Peter had made the remark to his niece, Marget, +though Marget denied it and implored the bishop to believe her and spare +her old uncle from poverty and disgrace. But the bishop wouldn't listen. +He suspended Father Peter indefinitely, though he wouldn't go so far as +to excommunicate him on the evidence of only one witness; and now Father +Peter had been out a couple of years, and our other priest, Father +Adolf, had his flock. + +Those had been hard years for the old priest and Marget. They had been +favorites, but of course that changed when they came under the shadow +of the bishop's frown. Many of their friends fell away entirely, and the +rest became cool and distant. Marget was a lovely girl of eighteen when +the trouble came, and she had the best head in the village, and the most +in it. She taught the harp, and earned all her clothes and pocket money +by her own industry. But her scholars fell off one by one now; she was +forgotten when there were dances and parties among the youth of the +village; the young fellows stopped coming to the house, all except +Wilhelm Meidling--and he could have been spared; she and her uncle were +sad and forlorn in their neglect and disgrace, and the sunshine was gone +out of their lives. Matters went worse and worse, all through the two +years. Clothes were wearing out, bread was harder and harder to get. +And now, at last, the very end was come. Solomon Isaacs had lent all the +money he was willing to put on the house, and gave notice that to-morrow +he would foreclose. + + + + +Chapter 2 + +Three of us boys were always together, and had been so from the cradle, +being fond of one another from the beginning, and this affection +deepened as the years went on--Nikolaus Bauman, son of the principal +judge of the local court; Seppi Wohlmeyer, son of the keeper of the +principal inn, the “Golden Stag,” which had a nice garden, with shade +trees reaching down to the riverside, and pleasure boats for hire; and I +was the third--Theodor Fischer, son of the church organist, who was +also leader of the village musicians, teacher of the violin, composer, +tax-collector of the commune, sexton, and in other ways a useful +citizen, and respected by all. We knew the hills and the woods as well +as the birds knew them; for we were always roaming them when we had +leisure--at least, when we were not swimming or boating or fishing, or +playing on the ice or sliding down hill. + +And we had the run of the castle park, and very few had that. It was +because we were pets of the oldest servingman in the castle--Felix +Brandt; and often we went there, nights, to hear him talk about old +times and strange things, and to smoke with him (he taught us that) and +to drink coffee; for he had served in the wars, and was at the siege of +Vienna; and there, when the Turks were defeated and driven away, among +the captured things were bags of coffee, and the Turkish prisoners +explained the character of it and how to make a pleasant drink out of +it, and now he always kept coffee by him, to drink himself and also to +astonish the ignorant with. When it stormed he kept us all night; and +while it thundered and lightened outside he told us about ghosts and +horrors of every kind, and of battles and murders and mutilations, and +such things, and made it pleasant and cozy inside; and he told these +things from his own experience largely. He had seen many ghosts in his +time, and witches and enchanters, and once he was lost in a fierce storm +at midnight in the mountains, and by the glare of the lightning had seen +the Wild Huntsman rage on the blast with his specter dogs chasing after +him through the driving cloud-rack. Also he had seen an incubus once, +and several times he had seen the great bat that sucks the blood from +the necks of people while they are asleep, fanning them softly with its +wings and so keeping them drowsy till they die. + +He encouraged us not to fear supernatural things, such as ghosts, and +said they did no harm, but only wandered about because they were lonely +and distressed and wanted kindly notice and compassion; and in time we +learned not to be afraid, and even went down with him in the night to +the haunted chamber in the dungeons of the castle. The ghost appeared +only once, and it went by very dim to the sight and floated noiseless +through the air, and then disappeared; and we scarcely trembled, he had +taught us so well. He said it came up sometimes in the night and woke +him by passing its clammy hand over his face, but it did him no hurt; it +only wanted sympathy and notice. But the strangest thing was that he had +seen angels--actual angels out of heaven--and had talked with them. They +had no wings, and wore clothes, and talked and looked and acted just +like any natural person, and you would never know them for angels except +for the wonderful things they did which a mortal could not do, and the +way they suddenly disappeared while you were talking with them, which +was also a thing which no mortal could do. And he said they were +pleasant and cheerful, not gloomy and melancholy, like ghosts. + +It was after that kind of a talk one May night that we got up next +morning and had a good breakfast with him and then went down and crossed +the bridge and went away up into the hills on the left to a woody +hill-top which was a favorite place of ours, and there we stretched out +on the grass in the shade to rest and smoke and talk over these strange +things, for they were in our minds yet, and impressing us. But we +couldn't smoke, because we had been heedless and left our flint and +steel behind. + +Soon there came a youth strolling toward us through the trees, and he +sat down and began to talk in a friendly way, just as if he knew us. +But we did not answer him, for he was a stranger and we were not used to +strangers and were shy of them. He had new and good clothes on, and was +handsome and had a winning face and a pleasant voice, and was easy and +graceful and unembarrassed, not slouchy and awkward and diffident, like +other boys. We wanted to be friendly with him, but didn't know how to +begin. Then I thought of the pipe, and wondered if it would be taken +as kindly meant if I offered it to him. But I remembered that we had +no fire, so I was sorry and disappointed. But he looked up bright and +pleased, and said: + +“Fire? Oh, that is easy; I will furnish it.” + +I was so astonished I couldn't speak; for I had not said anything. He +took the pipe and blew his breath on it, and the tobacco glowed red, and +spirals of blue smoke rose up. We jumped up and were going to run, for +that was natural; and we did run a few steps, although he was yearningly +pleading for us to stay, and giving us his word that he would not do us +any harm, but only wanted to be friends with us and have company. So we +stopped and stood, and wanted to go back, being full of curiosity +and wonder, but afraid to venture. He went on coaxing, in his soft, +persuasive way; and when we saw that the pipe did not blow up and +nothing happened, our confidence returned by little and little, and +presently our curiosity got to be stronger than our fear, and we +ventured back--but slowly, and ready to fly at any alarm. + +He was bent on putting us at ease, and he had the right art; one could +not remain doubtful and timorous where a person was so earnest and +simple and gentle, and talked so alluringly as he did; no, he won us +over, and it was not long before we were content and comfortable and +chatty, and glad we had found this new friend. When the feeling of +constraint was all gone we asked him how he had learned to do that +strange thing, and he said he hadn't learned it at all; it came natural +to him--like other things--other curious things. + +“What ones?” + +“Oh, a number; I don't know how many.” + +“Will you let us see you do them?” + +“Do--please!” the others said. + +“You won't run away again?” + +“No--indeed we won't. Please do. Won't you?” + +“Yes, with pleasure; but you mustn't forget your promise, you know.” + +We said we wouldn't, and he went to a puddle and came back with water +in a cup which he had made out of a leaf, and blew upon it and threw it +out, and it was a lump of ice the shape of the cup. We were astonished +and charmed, but not afraid any more; we were very glad to be there, and +asked him to go on and do some more things. And he did. He said he would +give us any kind of fruit we liked, whether it was in season or not. We +all spoke at once; + +“Orange!” + +“Apple!” + +“Grapes!” + +“They are in your pockets,” he said, and it was true. And they were of +the best, too, and we ate them and wished we had more, though none of us +said so. + +“You will find them where those came from,” he said, “and everything +else your appetites call for; and you need not name the thing you wish; +as long as I am with you, you have only to wish and find.” + +And he said true. There was never anything so wonderful and so +interesting. Bread, cakes, sweets, nuts--whatever one wanted, it was +there. He ate nothing himself, but sat and chatted, and did one curious +thing after another to amuse us. He made a tiny toy squirrel out of +clay, and it ran up a tree and sat on a limb overhead and barked down +at us. Then he made a dog that was not much larger than a mouse, and it +treed the squirrel and danced about the tree, excited and barking, and +was as alive as any dog could be. It frightened the squirrel from tree +to tree and followed it up until both were out of sight in the forest. +He made birds out of clay and set them free, and they flew away, +singing. + +At last I made bold to ask him to tell us who he was. + +“An angel,” he said, quite simply, and set another bird free and clapped +his hands and made it fly away. + +A kind of awe fell upon us when we heard him say that, and we were +afraid again; but he said we need not be troubled, there was no occasion +for us to be afraid of an angel, and he liked us, anyway. He went on +chatting as simply and unaffectedly as ever; and while he talked he made +a crowd of little men and women the size of your finger, and they went +diligently to work and cleared and leveled off a space a couple of yards +square in the grass and began to build a cunning little castle in it, +the women mixing the mortar and carrying it up the scaffoldings in pails +on their heads, just as our work-women have always done, and the men +laying the courses of masonry--five hundred of these toy people swarming +briskly about and working diligently and wiping the sweat off their +faces as natural as life. In the absorbing interest of watching those +five hundred little people make the castle grow step by step and course +by course, and take shape and symmetry, that feeling and awe soon passed +away and we were quite comfortable and at home again. We asked if we +might make some people, and he said yes, and told Seppi to make some +cannon for the walls, and told Nikolaus to make some halberdiers, with +breastplates and greaves and helmets, and I was to make some cavalry, +with horses, and in allotting these tasks he called us by our names, +but did not say how he knew them. Then Seppi asked him what his own name +was, and he said, tranquilly, “Satan,” and held out a chip and caught a +little woman on it who was falling from the scaffolding and put her back +where she belonged, and said, “She is an idiot to step backward like +that and not notice what she is about.” + +It caught us suddenly, that name did, and our work dropped out of our +hands and broke to pieces--a cannon, a halberdier, and a horse. Satan +laughed, and asked what was the matter. I said, “Nothing, only it seemed +a strange name for an angel.” He asked why. + +“Because it's--it's--well, it's his name, you know.” + +“Yes--he is my uncle.” + +He said it placidly, but it took our breath for a moment and made our +hearts beat. He did not seem to notice that, but mended our halberdiers +and things with a touch, handing them to us finished, and said, “Don't +you remember?--he was an angel himself, once.” + +“Yes--it's true,” said Seppi; “I didn't think of that.” + +“Before the Fall he was blameless.” + +“Yes,” said Nikolaus, “he was without sin.” + +“It is a good family--ours,” said Satan; “there is not a better. He is +the only member of it that has ever sinned.” + +I should not be able to make any one understand how exciting it all was. +You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you +are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it +is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how +you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you +wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world. I was bursting to +ask one question--I had it on my tongue's end and could hardly hold it +back--but I was ashamed to ask it; it might be a rudeness. Satan set an +ox down that he had been making, and smiled up at me and said: + +“It wouldn't be a rudeness, and I should forgive it if it was. Have I +seen him? Millions of times. From the time that I was a little child a +thousand years old I was his second favorite among the nursery angels of +our blood and lineage--to use a human phrase--yes, from that time until +the Fall, eight thousand years, measured as you count time.” + +“Eight--thousand!” + +“Yes.” He turned to Seppi, and went on as if answering something that +was in Seppi's mind: “Why, naturally I look like a boy, for that is what +I am. With us what you call time is a spacious thing; it takes a long +stretch of it to grow an angel to full age.” There was a question in my +mind, and he turned to me and answered it, “I am sixteen thousand years +old--counting as you count.” Then he turned to Nikolaus and said: “No, +the Fall did not affect me nor the rest of the relationship. It was +only he that I was named for who ate of the fruit of the tree and then +beguiled the man and the woman with it. We others are still ignorant +of sin; we are not able to commit it; we are without blemish, and +shall abide in that estate always. We--” Two of the little workmen were +quarreling, and in buzzing little bumblebee voices they were cursing +and swearing at each other; now came blows and blood; then they locked +themselves together in a life-and-death struggle. Satan reached out his +hand and crushed the life out of them with his fingers, threw them away, +wiped the red from his fingers on his handkerchief, and went on +talking where he had left off: “We cannot do wrong; neither have we any +disposition to do it, for we do not know what it is.” + +It seemed a strange speech, in the circumstances, but we barely noticed +that, we were so shocked and grieved at the wanton murder he had +committed--for murder it was, that was its true name, and it was without +palliation or excuse, for the men had not wronged him in any way. It +made us miserable, for we loved him, and had thought him so noble and so +beautiful and gracious, and had honestly believed he was an angel; and +to have him do this cruel thing--ah, it lowered him so, and we had had +such pride in him. He went right on talking, just as if nothing had +happened, telling about his travels, and the interesting things he had +seen in the big worlds of our solar system and of other solar systems +far away in the remotenesses of space, and about the customs of the +immortals that inhabit them, somehow fascinating us, enchanting us, +charming us in spite of the pitiful scene that was now under our eyes, +for the wives of the little dead men had found the crushed and shapeless +bodies and were crying over them, and sobbing and lamenting, and a +priest was kneeling there with his hands crossed upon his breast, +praying; and crowds and crowds of pitying friends were massed about +them, reverently uncovered, with their bare heads bowed, and many with +the tears running down--a scene which Satan paid no attention to until +the small noise of the weeping and praying began to annoy him, then he +reached out and took the heavy board seat out of our swing and brought +it down and mashed all those people into the earth just as if they had +been flies, and went on talking just the same. An angel, and kill a +priest! An angel who did not know how to do wrong, and yet destroys in +cold blood hundreds of helpless poor men and women who had never done +him any harm! It made us sick to see that awful deed, and to think that +none of those poor creatures was prepared except the priest, for none of +them had ever heard a mass or seen a church. And we were witnesses; we +had seen these murders done and it was our duty to tell, and let the law +take its course. + +But he went on talking right along, and worked his enchantments upon us +again with that fatal music of his voice. He made us forget everything; +we could only listen to him, and love him, and be his slaves, to do with +us as he would. He made us drunk with the joy of being with him, and +of looking into the heaven of his eyes, and of feeling the ecstasy that +thrilled along our veins from the touch of his hand. + + +Chapter 3 + +The Stranger had seen everything, he had been everywhere, he knew +everything, and he forgot nothing. What another must study, he learned +at a glance; there were no difficulties for him. And he made things live +before you when he told about them. He saw the world made; he saw Adam +created; he saw Samson surge against the pillars and bring the temple +down in ruins about him; he saw Caesar's death; he told of the daily +life in heaven; he had seen the damned writhing in the red waves of +hell; and he made us see all these things, and it was as if we were on +the spot and looking at them with our own eyes. And we felt them, +too, but there was no sign that they were anything to him beyond mere +entertainments. Those visions of hell, those poor babes and women and +girls and lads and men shrieking and supplicating in anguish--why, we +could hardly bear it, but he was as bland about it as if it had been so +many imitation rats in an artificial fire. + +And always when he was talking about men and women here on the earth +and their doings--even their grandest and sublimest--we were secretly +ashamed, for his manner showed that to him they and their doings were +of paltry poor consequence; often you would think he was talking about +flies, if you didn't know. Once he even said, in so many words, that +our people down here were quite interesting to him, notwithstanding they +were so dull and ignorant and trivial and conceited, and so diseased and +rickety, and such a shabby, poor, worthless lot all around. He said it +in a quite matter-of-course way and without bitterness, just as a person +might talk about bricks or manure or any other thing that was of no +consequence and hadn't feelings. I could see he meant no offense, but in +my thoughts I set it down as not very good manners. + +“Manners!” he said. “Why, it is merely the truth, and truth is good +manners; manners are a fiction. The castle is done. Do you like it?” + +Any one would have been obliged to like it. It was lovely to look at, +it was so shapely and fine, and so cunningly perfect in all its +particulars, even to the little flags waving from the turrets. Satan +said we must put the artillery in place now, and station the halberdiers +and display the cavalry. Our men and horses were a spectacle to see, +they were so little like what they were intended for; for, of course, we +had no art in making such things. Satan said they were the worst he +had seen; and when he touched them and made them alive, it was just +ridiculous the way they acted, on account of their legs not being of +uniform lengths. They reeled and sprawled around as if they were drunk, +and endangered everybody's lives around them, and finally fell over and +lay helpless and kicking. It made us all laugh, though it was a shameful +thing to see. The guns were charged with dirt, to fire a salute, but +they were so crooked and so badly made that they all burst when they +went off, and killed some of the gunners and crippled the others. Satan +said we would have a storm now, and an earthquake, if we liked, but +we must stand off a piece, out of danger. We wanted to call the people +away, too, but he said never mind them; they were of no consequence, and +we could make more, some time or other, if we needed them. + +A small storm-cloud began to settle down black over the castle, and the +miniature lightning and thunder began to play, and the ground to quiver, +and the wind to pipe and wheeze, and the rain to fall, and all the +people flocked into the castle for shelter. The cloud settled down +blacker and blacker, and one could see the castle only dimly through it; +the lightning blazed out flash upon flash and pierced the castle and set +it on fire, and the flames shone out red and fierce through the cloud, +and the people came flying out, shrieking, but Satan brushed them back, +paying no attention to our begging and crying and imploring; and in +the midst of the howling of the wind and volleying of the thunder the +magazine blew up, the earthquake rent the ground wide, and the castle's +wreck and ruin tumbled into the chasm, which swallowed it from sight, +and closed upon it, with all that innocent life, not one of the five +hundred poor creatures escaping. Our hearts were broken; we could not +keep from crying. + +“Don't cry,” Satan said; “they were of no value.” + +“But they are gone to hell!” + +“Oh, it is no matter; we can make plenty more.” + +It was of no use to try to move him; evidently he was wholly without +feelings, and could not understand. He was full of bubbling spirits, and +as gay as if this were a wedding instead of a fiendish massacre. And +he was bent on making us feel as he did, and of course his magic +accomplished his desire. It was no trouble to him; he did whatever he +pleased with us. In a little while we were dancing on that grave, and +he was playing to us on a strange, sweet instrument which he took out +of his pocket; and the music--but there is no music like that, unless +perhaps in heaven, and that was where he brought it from, he said. It +made one mad, for pleasure; and we could not take our eyes from him, and +the looks that went out of our eyes came from our hearts, and their dumb +speech was worship. He brought the dance from heaven, too, and the bliss +of paradise was in it. + +Presently he said he must go away on an errand. But we could not bear +the thought of it, and clung to him, and pleaded with him to stay; and +that pleased him, and he said so, and said he would not go yet, but +would wait a little while and we would sit down and talk a few minutes +longer; and he told us Satan was only his real name, and he was to be +known by it to us alone, but he had chosen another one to be called +by in the presence of others; just a common one, such as people +have--Philip Traum. + +It sounded so odd and mean for such a being! But it was his decision, +and we said nothing; his decision was sufficient. + +We had seen wonders this day; and my thoughts began to run on the +pleasure it would be to tell them when I got home, but he noticed those +thoughts, and said: + +“No, all these matters are a secret among us four. I do not mind your +trying to tell them, if you like, but I will protect your tongues, and +nothing of the secret will escape from them.” + +It was a disappointment, but it couldn't be helped, and it cost us a +sigh or two. We talked pleasantly along, and he was always reading our +thoughts and responding to them, and it seemed to me that this was the +most wonderful of all the things he did, but he interrupted my musings +and said: + +“No, it would be wonderful for you, but it is not wonderful for me. I +am not limited like you. I am not subject to human conditions. I can +measure and understand your human weaknesses, for I have studied them; +but I have none of them. My flesh is not real, although it would seem +firm to your touch; my clothes are not real; I am a spirit. Father Peter +is coming.” We looked around, but did not see any one. “He is not in +sight yet, but you will see him presently.” + +“Do you know him, Satan?” + +“No.” + +“Won't you talk with him when he comes? He is not ignorant and dull, +like us, and he would so like to talk with you. Will you?” + +“Another time, yes, but not now. I must go on my errand after a little. +There he is now; you can see him. Sit still, and don't say anything.” + +We looked up and saw Father Peter approaching through the chestnuts. We +three were sitting together in the grass, and Satan sat in front of +us in the path. Father Peter came slowly along with his head down, +thinking, and stopped within a couple of yards of us and took off his +hat and got out his silk handkerchief, and stood there mopping his face +and looking as if he were going to speak to us, but he didn't. Presently +he muttered, “I can't think what brought me here; it seems as if I were +in my study a minute ago--but I suppose I have been dreaming along for +an hour and have come all this stretch without noticing; for I am not +myself in these troubled days.” Then he went mumbling along to himself +and walked straight through Satan, just as if nothing were there. It +made us catch our breath to see it. We had the impulse to cry out, the +way you nearly always do when a startling thing happens, but something +mysteriously restrained us and we remained quiet, only breathing fast. +Then the trees hid Father Peter after a little, and Satan said: + +“It is as I told you--I am only a spirit.” + +“Yes, one perceives it now,” said Nikolaus, “but we are not spirits. It +is plain he did not see you, but were we invisible, too? He looked at +us, but he didn't seem to see us.” + +“No, none of us was visible to him, for I wished it so.” + +It seemed almost too good to be true, that we were actually seeing these +romantic and wonderful things, and that it was not a dream. And there he +sat, looking just like anybody--so natural and simple and charming, and +chatting along again the same as ever, and--well, words cannot make you +understand what we felt. It was an ecstasy; and an ecstasy is a thing +that will not go into words; it feels like music, and one cannot tell +about music so that another person can get the feeling of it. He was +back in the old ages once more now, and making them live before us. He +had seen so much, so much! It was just a wonder to look at him and try +to think how it must seem to have such experience behind one. + +But it made you seem sorrowfully trivial, and the creature of a day, and +such a short and paltry day, too. And he didn't say anything to raise up +your drooping pride--no, not a word. He always spoke of men in the same +old indifferent way--just as one speaks of bricks and manure-piles and +such things; you could see that they were of no consequence to him, one +way or the other. He didn't mean to hurt us, you could see that; just as +we don't mean to insult a brick when we disparage it; a brick's emotions +are nothing to us; it never occurs to us to think whether it has any or +not. + +Once when he was bunching the most illustrious kings and conquerors +and poets and prophets and pirates and beggars together--just a +brick-pile--I was shamed into putting in a word for man, and asked +him why he made so much difference between men and himself. He had to +struggle with that a moment; he didn't seem to understand how I could +ask such a strange question. Then he said: + +“The difference between man and me? The difference between a mortal and +an immortal? between a cloud and a spirit?” He picked up a wood-louse +that was creeping along a piece of bark: “What is the difference between +Caesar and this?” + +I said, “One cannot compare things which by their nature and by the +interval between them are not comparable.” + +“You have answered your own question,” he said. “I will expand it. Man +is made of dirt--I saw him made. I am not made of dirt. Man is a +museum of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes to-day and is +gone to-morrow; he begins as dirt and departs as stench; I am of the +aristocracy of the Imperishables. And man has the Moral Sense. You +understand? He has the moral Sense. That would seem to be difference +enough between us, all by itself.” + +He stopped there, as if that settled the matter. I was sorry, for at +that time I had but a dim idea of what the Moral Sense was. I merely +knew that we were proud of having it, and when he talked like that about +it, it wounded me, and I felt as a girl feels who thinks her dearest +finery is being admired and then overhears strangers making fun of it. +For a while we were all silent, and I, for one, was depressed. Then +Satan began to chat again, and soon he was sparkling along in such a +cheerful and vivacious vein that my spirits rose once more. He told some +very cunning things that put us in a gale of laughter; and when he was +telling about the time that Samson tied the torches to the foxes' tails +and set them loose in the Philistines' corn, and Samson sitting on the +fence slapping his thighs and laughing, with the tears running down his +cheeks, and lost his balance and fell off the fence, the memory of that +picture got him to laughing, too, and we did have a most lovely and +jolly time. By and by he said: + +“I am going on my errand now.” + +“Don't!” we all said. “Don't go; stay with us. You won't come back.” + +“Yes, I will; I give you my word.” + +“When? To-night? Say when.” + +“It won't be long. You will see.” + +“We like you.” + +“And I you. And as a proof of it I will show you something fine to see. +Usually when I go I merely vanish; but now I will dissolve myself and +let you see me do it.” + +He stood up, and it was quickly finished. He thinned away and thinned +away until he was a soap-bubble, except that he kept his shape. You +could see the bushes through him as clearly as you see things through a +soap-bubble, and all over him played and flashed the delicate iridescent +colors of the bubble, and along with them was that thing shaped like a +window-sash which you always see on the globe of the bubble. You have +seen a bubble strike the carpet and lightly bound along two or +three times before it bursts. He did that. He sprang--touched the +grass--bounded--floated along--touched again--and so on, and presently +exploded--puff! and in his place was vacancy. + +It was a strange and beautiful thing to see. We did not say anything, +but sat wondering and dreaming and blinking; and finally Seppi roused up +and said, mournfully sighing: + +“I suppose none of it has happened.” + +Nikolaus sighed and said about the same. + +I was miserable to hear them say it, for it was the same cold fear that +was in my own mind. Then we saw poor old Father Peter wandering along +back, with his head bent down, searching the ground. When he was pretty +close to us he looked up and saw us, and said, “How long have you been +here, boys?” + +“A little while, Father.” + +“Then it is since I came by, and maybe you can help me. Did you come up +by the path?” + +“Yes, Father.” + +“That is good. I came the same way. I have lost my wallet. There wasn't +much in it, but a very little is much to me, for it was all I had. I +suppose you haven't seen anything of it?” + +“No, Father, but we will help you hunt.” + +“It is what I was going to ask you. Why, here it is!” + +We hadn't noticed it; yet there it lay, right where Satan stood when +he began to melt--if he did melt and it wasn't a delusion. Father Peter +picked it up and looked very much surprised. + +“It is mine,” he said, “but not the contents. This is fat; mine was +flat; mine was light; this is heavy.” He opened it; it was stuffed as +full as it could hold with gold coins. He let us gaze our fill; and +of course we did gaze, for we had never seen so much money at one time +before. All our mouths came open to say “Satan did it!” but nothing +came out. There it was, you see--we couldn't tell what Satan didn't want +told; he had said so himself. + +“Boys, did you do this?” + +It made us laugh. And it made him laugh, too, as soon as he thought what +a foolish question it was. + +“Who has been here?” + +Our mouths came open to answer, but stood so for a moment, because +we couldn't say “Nobody,” for it wouldn't be true, and the right word +didn't seem to come; then I thought of the right one, and said it: + +“Not a human being.” + +“That is so,” said the others, and let their mouths go shut. + +“It is not so,” said Father Peter, and looked at us very severely. +“I came by here a while ago, and there was no one here, but that is +nothing; some one has been here since. I don't mean to say that the +person didn't pass here before you came, and I don't mean to say you saw +him, but some one did pass, that I know. On your honor--you saw no one?” + +“Not a human being.” + +“That is sufficient; I know you are telling me the truth.” + +He began to count the money on the path, we on our knees eagerly helping +to stack it in little piles. + +“It's eleven hundred ducats odd!” he said. “Oh dear! if it were only +mine--and I need it so!” and his voice broke and his lips quivered. + +“It is yours, sir!” we all cried out at once, “every heller!” + +“No--it isn't mine. Only four ducats are mine; the rest...!” He fell to +dreaming, poor old soul, and caressing some of the coins in his hands, +and forgot where he was, sitting there on his heels with his old gray +head bare; it was pitiful to see. “No,” he said, waking up, “it isn't +mine. I can't account for it. I think some enemy... it must be a trap.” + +Nikolaus said: “Father Peter, with the exception of the astrologer you +haven't a real enemy in the village--nor Marget, either. And not even a +half-enemy that's rich enough to chance eleven hundred ducats to do you +a mean turn. I'll ask you if that's so or not?” + +He couldn't get around that argument, and it cheered him up. “But it +isn't mine, you see--it isn't mine, in any case.” + +He said it in a wistful way, like a person that wouldn't be sorry, but +glad, if anybody would contradict him. + +“It is yours, Father Peter, and we are witness to it. Aren't we, boys?” + +“Yes, we are--and we'll stand by it, too.” + +“Bless your hearts, you do almost persuade me; you do, indeed. If I +had only a hundred-odd ducats of it! The house is mortgaged for it, and +we've no home for our heads if we don't pay to-morrow. And that four +ducats is all we've got in the--” + +“It's yours, every bit of it, and you've got to take it--we are bail +that it's all right. Aren't we, Theodor? Aren't we, Seppi?” + +We two said yes, and Nikolaus stuffed the money back into the shabby old +wallet and made the owner take it. So he said he would use two hundred +of it, for his house was good enough security for that, and would put +the rest at interest till the rightful owner came for it; and on our +side we must sign a paper showing how he got the money--a paper to +show to the villagers as proof that he had not got out of his troubles +dishonestly. + + +Chapter 4 + +It made immense talk next day, when Father Peter paid Solomon Isaacs in +gold and left the rest of the money with him at interest. Also, there +was a pleasant change; many people called at the house to congratulate +him, and a number of cool old friends became kind and friendly again; +and, to top all, Marget was invited to a party. + +And there was no mystery; Father Peter told the whole circumstance just +as it happened, and said he could not account for it, only it was the +plain hand of Providence, so far as he could see. + +One or two shook their heads and said privately it looked more like +the hand of Satan; and really that seemed a surprisingly good guess for +ignorant people like that. Some came slyly buzzing around and tried +to coax us boys to come out and “tell the truth;” and promised they +wouldn't ever tell, but only wanted to know for their own satisfaction, +because the whole thing was so curious. They even wanted to buy the +secret, and pay money for it; and if we could have invented something +that would answer--but we couldn't; we hadn't the ingenuity, so we had +to let the chance go by, and it was a pity. + +We carried that secret around without any trouble, but the other one, +the big one, the splendid one, burned the very vitals of us, it was so +hot to get out and we so hot to let it out and astonish people with +it. But we had to keep it in; in fact, it kept itself in. Satan said +it would, and it did. We went off every day and got to ourselves in the +woods so that we could talk about Satan, and really that was the only +subject we thought of or cared anything about; and day and night we +watched for him and hoped he would come, and we got more and more +impatient all the time. We hadn't any interest in the other boys any +more, and wouldn't take part in their games and enterprises. They seemed +so tame, after Satan; and their doings so trifling and commonplace after +his adventures in antiquity and the constellations, and his miracles and +meltings and explosions, and all that. + +During the first day we were in a state of anxiety on account of one +thing, and we kept going to Father Peter's house on one pretext or +another to keep track of it. That was the gold coin; we were afraid +it would crumble and turn to dust, like fairy money. If it did--But it +didn't. At the end of the day no complaint had been made about it, so +after that we were satisfied that it was real gold, and dropped the +anxiety out of our minds. + +There was a question which we wanted to ask Father Peter, and finally +we went there the second evening, a little diffidently, after drawing +straws, and I asked it as casually as I could, though it did not sound +as casual as I wanted, because I didn't know how: + +“What is the Moral Sense, sir?” + +He looked down, surprised, over his great spectacles, and said, “Why, it +is the faculty which enables us to distinguish good from evil.” + +It threw some light, but not a glare, and I was a little disappointed, +also to some degree embarrassed. He was waiting for me to go on, so, in +default of anything else to say, I asked, “Is it valuable?” + +“Valuable? Heavens! lad, it is the one thing that lifts man above the +beasts that perish and makes him heir to immortality!” + +This did not remind me of anything further to say, so I got out, with +the other boys, and we went away with that indefinite sense you have +often had of being filled but not fatted. They wanted me to explain, but +I was tired. + +We passed out through the parlor, and there was Marget at the spinnet +teaching Marie Lueger. So one of the deserting pupils was back; and an +influential one, too; the others would follow. Marget jumped up and +ran and thanked us again, with tears in her eyes--this was the third +time--for saving her and her uncle from being turned into the street, +and we told her again we hadn't done it; but that was her way, she never +could be grateful enough for anything a person did for her; so we let +her have her say. And as we passed through the garden, there was Wilhelm +Meidling sitting there waiting, for it was getting toward the edge of +the evening, and he would be asking Marget to take a walk along the +river with him when she was done with the lesson. He was a young lawyer, +and succeeding fairly well and working his way along, little by little. +He was very fond of Marget, and she of him. He had not deserted along +with the others, but had stood his ground all through. His faithfulness +was not lost on Marget and her uncle. He hadn't so very much talent, but +he was handsome and good, and these are a kind of talents themselves and +help along. He asked us how the lesson was getting along, and we told +him it was about done. And maybe it was so; we didn't know anything +about it, but we judged it would please him, and it did, and didn't cost +us anything. + + +Chapter 5 + +On the fourth day comes the astrologer from his crumbling old tower up +the valley, where he had heard the news, I reckon. He had a private talk +with us, and we told him what we could, for we were mightily in dread +of him. He sat there studying and studying awhile to himself; then he +asked: + +“How many ducats did you say?” + +“Eleven hundred and seven, sir.” + +Then he said, as if he were talking to himself: “It is ver-y singular. +Yes... very strange. A curious coincidence.” Then he began to ask +questions, and went over the whole ground from the beginning, we +answering. By and by he said: “Eleven hundred and six ducats. It is a +large sum.” + +“Seven,” said Seppi, correcting him. + +“Oh, seven, was it? Of course a ducat more or less isn't of consequence, +but you said eleven hundred and six before.” + +It would not have been safe for us to say he was mistaken, but we knew +he was. Nikolaus said, “We ask pardon for the mistake, but we meant to +say seven.” + +“Oh, it is no matter, lad; it was merely that I noticed the discrepancy. +It is several days, and you cannot be expected to remember precisely. +One is apt to be inexact when there is no particular circumstance to +impress the count upon the memory.” + +“But there was one, sir,” said Seppi, eagerly. + +“What was it, my son?” asked the astrologer, indifferently. + +“First, we all counted the piles of coin, each in turn, and all made it +the same--eleven hundred and six. But I had slipped one out, for fun, +when the count began, and now I slipped it back and said, 'I think there +is a mistake--there are eleven hundred and seven; let us count again.' +We did, and of course I was right. They were astonished; then I told how +it came about.” + +The astrologer asked us if this was so, and we said it was. + +“That settles it,” he said. “I know the thief now. Lads, the money was +stolen.” + +Then he went away, leaving us very much troubled, and wondering what he +could mean. In about an hour we found out; for by that time it was all +over the village that Father Peter had been arrested for stealing a +great sum of money from the astrologer. Everybody's tongue was loose and +going. Many said it was not in Father Peter's character and must be a +mistake; but the others shook their heads and said misery and want could +drive a suffering man to almost anything. About one detail there were +no differences; all agreed that Father Peter's account of how the +money came into his hands was just about unbelievable--it had such an +impossible look. They said it might have come into the astrologer's +hands in some such way, but into Father Peter's, never! Our characters +began to suffer now. We were Father Peter's only witnesses; how much +did he probably pay us to back up his fantastic tale? People talked that +kind of talk to us pretty freely and frankly, and were full of scoffings +when we begged them to believe really we had told only the truth. Our +parents were harder on us than any one else. Our fathers said we were +disgracing our families, and they commanded us to purge ourselves of our +lie, and there was no limit to their anger when we continued to say we +had spoken true. Our mothers cried over us and begged us to give back +our bribe and get back our honest names and save our families from +shame, and come out and honorably confess. And at last we were so +worried and harassed that we tried to tell the whole thing, Satan and +all--but no, it wouldn't come out. We were hoping and longing all the +time that Satan would come and help us out of our trouble, but there was +no sign of him. + +Within an hour after the astrologer's talk with us, Father Peter was in +prison and the money sealed up and in the hands of the officers of the +law. The money was in a bag, and Solomon Isaacs said he had not touched +it since he had counted it; his oath was taken that it was the same +money, and that the amount was eleven hundred and seven ducats. Father +Peter claimed trial by the ecclesiastical court, but our other priest, +Father Adolf, said an ecclesiastical court hadn't jurisdiction over a +suspended priest. The bishop upheld him. That settled it; the case would +go to trial in the civil court. The court would not sit for some time to +come. Wilhelm Meidling would be Father Peter's lawyer and do the best he +could, of course, but he told us privately that a weak case on his side +and all the power and prejudice on the other made the outlook bad. + +So Marget's new happiness died a quick death. No friends came to +condole with her, and none were expected; an unsigned note withdrew her +invitation to the party. There would be no scholars to take lessons. +How could she support herself? She could remain in the house, for the +mortgage was paid off, though the government and not poor Solomon Isaacs +had the mortgage-money in its grip for the present. Old Ursula, who +was cook, chambermaid, housekeeper, laundress, and everything else for +Father Peter, and had been Marget's nurse in earlier years, said +God would provide. But she said that from habit, for she was a good +Christian. She meant to help in the providing, to make sure, if she +could find a way. + +We boys wanted to go and see Marget and show friendliness for her, but +our parents were afraid of offending the community and wouldn't let +us. The astrologer was going around inflaming everybody against Father +Peter, and saying he was an abandoned thief and had stolen eleven +hundred and seven gold ducats from him. He said he knew he was a thief +from that fact, for it was exactly the sum he had lost and which Father +Peter pretended he had “found.” + +In the afternoon of the fourth day after the catastrophe old Ursula +appeared at our house and asked for some washing to do, and begged my +mother to keep this secret, to save Marget's pride, who would stop this +project if she found it out, yet Marget had not enough to eat and was +growing weak. Ursula was growing weak herself, and showed it; and she +ate of the food that was offered her like a starving person, but could +not be persuaded to carry any home, for Marget would not eat charity +food. She took some clothes down to the stream to wash them, but we saw +from the window that handling the bat was too much for her strength; +so she was called back and a trifle of money offered her, which she was +afraid to take lest Marget should suspect; then she took it, saying she +would explain that she found it in the road. To keep it from being a lie +and damning her soul, she got me to drop it while she watched; then she +went along by there and found it, and exclaimed with surprise and joy, +and picked it up and went her way. Like the rest of the village, she +could tell every-day lies fast enough and without taking any precautions +against fire and brimstone on their account; but this was a new kind of +lie, and it had a dangerous look because she hadn't had any practice in +it. After a week's practice it wouldn't have given her any trouble. It +is the way we are made. + +I was in trouble, for how would Marget live? Ursula could not find a +coin in the road every day--perhaps not even a second one. And I was +ashamed, too, for not having been near Marget, and she so in need of +friends; but that was my parents' fault, not mine, and I couldn't help +it. + +I was walking along the path, feeling very down-hearted, when a most +cheery and tingling freshening-up sensation went rippling through me, +and I was too glad for any words, for I knew by that sign that Satan was +by. I had noticed it before. Next moment he was alongside of me and I +was telling him all my trouble and what had been happening to Marget and +her uncle. While we were talking we turned a curve and saw old Ursula +resting in the shade of a tree, and she had a lean stray kitten in her +lap and was petting it. I asked her where she got it, and she said it +came out of the woods and followed her; and she said it probably hadn't +any mother or any friends and she was going to take it home and take +care of it. Satan said: + +“I understand you are very poor. Why do you want to add another mouth to +feed? Why don't you give it to some rich person?” + +Ursula bridled at this and said: “Perhaps you would like to have it. You +must be rich, with your fine clothes and quality airs.” Then she sniffed +and said: “Give it to the rich--the idea! The rich don't care for +anybody but themselves; it's only the poor that have feeling for +the poor, and help them. The poor and God. God will provide for this +kitten.” + +“What makes you think so?” + +Ursula's eyes snapped with anger. “Because I know it!” she said. “Not a +sparrow falls to the ground without His seeing it.” + +“But it falls, just the same. What good is seeing it fall?” + +Old Ursula's jaws worked, but she could not get any word out for the +moment, she was so horrified. When she got her tongue, she stormed out, +“Go about your business, you puppy, or I will take a stick to you!” + +I could not speak, I was so scared. I knew that with his notions about +the human race Satan would consider it a matter of no consequence to +strike her dead, there being “plenty more”; but my tongue stood still, +I could give her no warning. But nothing happened; Satan remained +tranquil--tranquil and indifferent. I suppose he could not be insulted +by Ursula any more than the king could be insulted by a tumble-bug. The +old woman jumped to her feet when she made her remark, and did it as +briskly as a young girl. It had been many years since she had done the +like of that. That was Satan's influence; he was a fresh breeze to the +weak and the sick, wherever he came. His presence affected even the lean +kitten, and it skipped to the ground and began to chase a leaf. This +surprised Ursula, and she stood looking at the creature and nodding her +head wonderingly, her anger quite forgotten. + +“What's come over it?” she said. “Awhile ago it could hardly walk.” + +“You have not seen a kitten of that breed before,” said Satan. + +Ursula was not proposing to be friendly with the mocking stranger, and +she gave him an ungentle look and retorted: “Who asked you to come here +and pester me, I'd like to know? And what do you know about what I've +seen and what I haven't seen?” + +“You haven't seen a kitten with the hair-spines on its tongue pointing +to the front, have you?” + +“No--nor you, either.” + +“Well, examine this one and see.” + +Ursula was become pretty spry, but the kitten was spryer, and she could +not catch it, and had to give it up. Then Satan said: + +“Give it a name, and maybe it will come.” + +Ursula tried several names, but the kitten was not interested. + +“Call it Agnes. Try that.” + +The creature answered to the name and came. Ursula examined its tongue. +“Upon my word, it's true!” she said. “I have not seen this kind of a cat +before. Is it yours?” + +“No.” + +“Then how did you know its name so pat?” + +“Because all cats of that breed are named Agnes; they will not answer to +any other.” + +Ursula was impressed. “It is the most wonderful thing!” Then a shadow of +trouble came into her face, for her superstitions were aroused, and she +reluctantly put the creature down, saying: “I suppose I must let it go; +I am not afraid--no, not exactly that, though the priest--well, I've +heard people--indeed, many people... And, besides, it is quite well now +and can take care of itself.” She sighed, and turned to go, murmuring: +“It is such a pretty one, too, and would be such company--and the house +is so sad and lonesome these troubled days... Miss Marget so mournful +and just a shadow, and the old master shut up in jail.” + +“It seems a pity not to keep it,” said Satan. + +Ursula turned quickly--just as if she were hoping some one would +encourage her. + +“Why?” she asked, wistfully. + +“Because this breed brings luck.” + +“Does it? Is it true? Young man, do you know it to be true? How does it +bring luck?” + +“Well, it brings money, anyway.” + +Ursula looked disappointed. “Money? A cat bring money? The idea! You +could never sell it here; people do not buy cats here; one can't even +give them away.” She turned to go. + +“I don't mean sell it. I mean have an income from it. This kind is +called the Lucky Cat. Its owner finds four silver groschen in his pocket +every morning.” + +I saw the indignation rising in the old woman's face. She was insulted. +This boy was making fun of her. That was her thought. She thrust her +hands into her pockets and straightened up to give him a piece of her +mind. Her temper was all up, and hot. Her mouth came open and let out +three words of a bitter sentence,... then it fell silent, and the anger +in her face turned to surprise or wonder or fear, or something, and she +slowly brought out her hands from her pockets and opened them and held +them so. In one was my piece of money, in the other lay four silver +groschen. She gazed a little while, perhaps to see if the groschen would +vanish away; then she said, fervently: + +“It's true--it's true--and I'm ashamed and beg forgiveness, O dear +master and benefactor!” And she ran to Satan and kissed his hand, over +and over again, according to the Austrian custom. + +In her heart she probably believed it was a witch-cat and an agent of +the Devil; but no matter, it was all the more certain to be able to +keep its contract and furnish a daily good living for the family, for +in matters of finance even the piousest of our peasants would have more +confidence in an arrangement with the Devil than with an archangel. +Ursula started homeward, with Agnes in her arms, and I said I wished I +had her privilege of seeing Marget. + +Then I caught my breath, for we were there. There in the parlor, and +Marget standing looking at us, astonished. She was feeble and pale, but +I knew that those conditions would not last in Satan's atmosphere, and +it turned out so. I introduced Satan--that is, Philip Traum--and we sat +down and talked. There was no constraint. We were simple folk, in our +village, and when a stranger was a pleasant person we were soon friends. +Marget wondered how we got in without her hearing us. Traum said the +door was open, and we walked in and waited until she should turn around +and greet us. This was not true; no door was open; we entered through +the walls or the roof or down the chimney, or somehow; but no matter, +what Satan wished a person to believe, the person was sure to believe, +and so Marget was quite satisfied with that explanation. And then the +main part of her mind was on Traum, anyway; she couldn't keep her eyes +off him, he was so beautiful. That gratified me, and made me proud. I +hoped he would show off some, but he didn't. He seemed only interested +in being friendly and telling lies. He said he was an orphan. That made +Marget pity him. The water came into her eyes. He said he had never +known his mamma; she passed away while he was a young thing; and said +his papa was in shattered health, and had no property to speak of--in +fact, none of any earthly value--but he had an uncle in business down +in the tropics, and he was very well off and had a monopoly, and it was +from this uncle that he drew his support. The very mention of a kind +uncle was enough to remind Marget of her own, and her eyes filled again. +She said she hoped their two uncles would meet, some day. It made me +shudder. Philip said he hoped so, too; and that made me shudder again. + +“Maybe they will,” said Marget. “Does your uncle travel much?” + +“Oh yes, he goes all about; he has business everywhere.” + +And so they went on chatting, and poor Marget forgot her sorrow for one +little while, anyway. It was probably the only really bright and cheery +hour she had known lately. I saw she liked Philip, and I knew she would. +And when he told her he was studying for the ministry I could see that +she liked him better than ever. And then, when he promised to get her +admitted to the jail so that she could see her uncle, that was the +capstone. He said he would give the guards a little present, and she +must always go in the evening after dark, and say nothing, “but just +show this paper and pass in, and show it again when you come out”--and +he scribbled some queer marks on the paper and gave it to her, and she +was ever so thankful, and right away was in a fever for the sun to go +down; for in that old, cruel time prisoners were not allowed to see +their friends, and sometimes they spent years in the jails without ever +seeing a friendly face. I judged that the marks on the paper were an +enchantment, and that the guards would not know what they were doing, +nor have any memory of it afterward; and that was indeed the way of it. +Ursula put her head in at the door now and said: + +“Supper's ready, miss.” Then she saw us and looked frightened, and +motioned me to come to her, which I did, and she asked if we had told +about the cat. I said no, and she was relieved, and said please don't; +for if Miss Marget knew, she would think it was an unholy cat and would +send for a priest and have its gifts all purified out of it, and then +there wouldn't be any more dividends. So I said we wouldn't tell, and +she was satisfied. Then I was beginning to say good-by to Marget, but +Satan interrupted and said, ever so politely--well, I don't remember +just the words, but anyway he as good as invited himself to supper, +and me, too. Of course Marget was miserably embarrassed, for she had +no reason to suppose there would be half enough for a sick bird. Ursula +heard him, and she came straight into the room, not a bit pleased. At +first she was astonished to see Marget looking so fresh and rosy, and +said so; then she spoke up in her native tongue, which was Bohemian, and +said--as I learned afterward--“Send him away, Miss Marget; there's not +victuals enough.” + +Before Marget could speak, Satan had the word, and was talking back to +Ursula in her own language--which was a surprise to her, and for her +mistress, too. He said, “Didn't I see you down the road awhile ago?” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Ah, that pleases me; I see you remember me.” He stepped to her and +whispered: “I told you it is a Lucky Cat. Don't be troubled; it will +provide.” + +That sponged the slate of Ursula's feelings clean of its anxieties, and +a deep, financial joy shone in her eyes. The cat's value was augmenting. +It was getting full time for Marget to take some sort of notice of +Satan's invitation, and she did it in the best way, the honest way that +was natural to her. She said she had little to offer, but that we were +welcome if we would share it with her. + +We had supper in the kitchen, and Ursula waited at table. A small fish +was in the frying-pan, crisp and brown and tempting, and one could see +that Marget was not expecting such respectable food as this. Ursula +brought it, and Marget divided it between Satan and me, declining to +take any of it herself; and was beginning to say she did not care for +fish to-day, but she did not finish the remark. It was because she +noticed that another fish had appeared in the pan. She looked surprised, +but did not say anything. She probably meant to inquire of Ursula about +this later. There were other surprises: flesh and game and wines and +fruits--things which had been strangers in that house lately; but Marget +made no exclamations, and now even looked unsurprised, which was Satan's +influence, of course. Satan talked right along, and was entertaining, +and made the time pass pleasantly and cheerfully; and although he told a +good many lies, it was no harm in him, for he was only an angel and did +not know any better. They do not know right from wrong; I knew this, +because I remembered what he had said about it. He got on the good side +of Ursula. He praised her to Marget, confidentially, but speaking just +loud enough for Ursula to hear. He said she was a fine woman, and he +hoped some day to bring her and his uncle together. Very soon Ursula was +mincing and simpering around in a ridiculous girly way, and smoothing +out her gown and prinking at herself like a foolish old hen, and all +the time pretending she was not hearing what Satan was saying. I was +ashamed, for it showed us to be what Satan considered us, a silly race +and trivial. Satan said his uncle entertained a great deal, and to +have a clever woman presiding over the festivities would double the +attractions of the place. + +“But your uncle is a gentleman, isn't he?” asked Marget. + +“Yes,” said Satan indifferently; “some even call him a Prince, out of +compliment, but he is not bigoted; to him personal merit is everything, +rank nothing.” + +My hand was hanging down by my chair; Agnes came along and licked it; by +this act a secret was revealed. I started to say, “It is all a mistake; +this is just a common, ordinary cat; the hair-needles on her tongue +point inward, not outward.” But the words did not come, because they +couldn't. Satan smiled upon me, and I understood. + +When it was dark Marget took food and wine and fruit, in a basket, and +hurried away to the jail, and Satan and I walked toward my home. I was +thinking to myself that I should like to see what the inside of the jail +was like; Satan overheard the thought, and the next moment we were +in the jail. We were in the torture-chamber, Satan said. The rack was +there, and the other instruments, and there was a smoky lantern or +two hanging on the walls and helping to make the place look dim and +dreadful. There were people there--and executioners--but as they took +no notice of us, it meant that we were invisible. A young man lay bound, +and Satan said he was suspected of being a heretic, and the executioners +were about to inquire into it. They asked the man to confess to the +charge, and he said he could not, for it was not true. Then they drove +splinter after splinter under his nails, and he shrieked with the +pain. Satan was not disturbed, but I could not endure it, and had to be +whisked out of there. I was faint and sick, but the fresh air revived +me, and we walked toward my home. I said it was a brutal thing. + +“No, it was a human thing. You should not insult the brutes by such a +misuse of that word; they have not deserved it,” and he went on talking +like that. “It is like your paltry race--always lying, always claiming +virtues which it hasn't got, always denying them to the higher animals, +which alone possess them. No brute ever does a cruel thing--that is the +monopoly of those with the Moral Sense. When a brute inflicts pain he +does it innocently; it is not wrong; for him there is no such thing +as wrong. And he does not inflict pain for the pleasure of inflicting +it--only man does that. Inspired by that mongrel Moral Sense of his! +A sense whose function is to distinguish between right and wrong, with +liberty to choose which of them he will do. Now what advantage can he +get out of that? He is always choosing, and in nine cases out of ten he +prefers the wrong. There shouldn't be any wrong; and without the Moral +Sense there couldn't be any. And yet he is such an unreasoning creature +that he is not able to perceive that the Moral Sense degrades him to the +bottom layer of animated beings and is a shameful possession. Are you +feeling better? Let me show you something.” + + +Chapter 6 + +In a moment we were in a French village. We walked through a great +factory of some sort, where men and women and little children were +toiling in heat and dirt and a fog of dust; and they were clothed in +rags, and drooped at their work, for they were worn and half starved, +and weak and drowsy. Satan said: + +“It is some more Moral Sense. The proprietors are rich, and very holy; +but the wage they pay to these poor brothers and sisters of theirs is +only enough to keep them from dropping dead with hunger. The work-hours +are fourteen per day, winter and summer--from six in the morning till +eight at night--little children and all. And they walk to and from the +pigsties which they inhabit--four miles each way, through mud and slush, +rain, snow, sleet, and storm, daily, year in and year out. They get +four hours of sleep. They kennel together, three families in a room, in +unimaginable filth and stench; and disease comes, and they die off like +flies. Have they committed a crime, these mangy things? No. What have +they done, that they are punished so? Nothing at all, except getting +themselves born into your foolish race. You have seen how they treat a +misdoer there in the jail; now you see how they treat the innocent +and the worthy. Is your race logical? Are these ill-smelling innocents +better off than that heretic? Indeed, no; his punishment is trivial +compared with theirs. They broke him on the wheel and smashed him +to rags and pulp after we left, and he is dead now, and free of your +precious race; but these poor slaves here--why, they have been dying for +years, and some of them will not escape from life for years to come. It +is the Moral Sense which teaches the factory proprietors the difference +between right and wrong--you perceive the result. They think themselves +better than dogs. Ah, you are such an illogical, unreasoning race! And +paltry--oh, unspeakably!” + +Then he dropped all seriousness and just overstrained himself making fun +of us, and deriding our pride in our warlike deeds, our great heroes, +our imperishable fames, our mighty kings, our ancient aristocracies, our +venerable history--and laughed and laughed till it was enough to make a +person sick to hear him; and finally he sobered a little and said, “But, +after all, it is not all ridiculous; there is a sort of pathos about it +when one remembers how few are your days, how childish your pomps, and +what shadows you are!” + +Presently all things vanished suddenly from my sight, and I knew what +it meant. The next moment we were walking along in our village; and down +toward the river I saw the twinkling lights of the Golden Stag. Then in +the dark I heard a joyful cry: + +“He's come again!” + +It was Seppi Wohlmeyer. He had felt his blood leap and his spirits rise +in a way that could mean only one thing, and he knew Satan was near, +although it was too dark to see him. He came to us, and we walked along +together, and Seppi poured out his gladness like water. It was as if he +were a lover and had found his sweetheart who had been lost. Seppi was +a smart and animated boy, and had enthusiasm and expression, and was +a contrast to Nikolaus and me. He was full of the last new mystery, +now--the disappearance of Hans Oppert, the village loafer. People +were beginning to be curious about it, he said. He did not say +anxious--curious was the right word, and strong enough. No one had seen +Hans for a couple of days. + +“Not since he did that brutal thing, you know,” he said. + +“What brutal thing?” It was Satan that asked. + +“Well, he is always clubbing his dog, which is a good dog, and his only +friend, and is faithful, and loves him, and does no one any harm; +and two days ago he was at it again, just for nothing--just for +pleasure--and the dog was howling and begging, and Theodor and I begged, +too, but he threatened us, and struck the dog again with all his might +and knocked one of his eyes out, and he said to us, 'There, I hope +you are satisfied now; that's what you have got for him by your damned +meddling'--and he laughed, the heartless brute.” Seppi's voice trembled +with pity and anger. I guessed what Satan would say, and he said it. + +“There is that misused word again--that shabby slander. Brutes do not +act like that, but only men.” + +“Well, it was inhuman, anyway.” + +“No, it wasn't, Seppi; it was human--quite distinctly human. It is not +pleasant to hear you libel the higher animals by attributing to them +dispositions which they are free from, and which are found nowhere +but in the human heart. None of the higher animals is tainted with the +disease called the Moral Sense. Purify your language, Seppi; drop those +lying phrases out of it.” + +He spoke pretty sternly--for him--and I was sorry I hadn't warned Seppi +to be more particular about the word he used. I knew how he was feeling. +He would not want to offend Satan; he would rather offend all his kin. +There was an uncomfortable silence, but relief soon came, for that poor +dog came along now, with his eye hanging down, and went straight to +Satan, and began to moan and mutter brokenly, and Satan began to answer +in the same way, and it was plain that they were talking together in the +dog language. We all sat down in the grass, in the moonlight, for the +clouds were breaking away now, and Satan took the dog's head in his lap +and put the eye back in its place, and the dog was comfortable, and he +wagged his tail and licked Satan's hand, and looked thankful and said +the same; I knew he was saying it, though I did not understand the +words. Then the two talked together a bit, and Satan said: + +“He says his master was drunk.” + +“Yes, he was,” said we. + +“And an hour later he fell over the precipice there beyond the Cliff +Pasture.” + +“We know the place; it is three miles from here.” + +“And the dog has been often to the village, begging people to go there, +but he was only driven away and not listened to.” + +We remembered it, but hadn't understood what he wanted. + +“He only wanted help for the man who had misused him, and he thought +only of that, and has had no food nor sought any. He has watched by his +master two nights. What do you think of your race? Is heaven reserved +for it, and this dog ruled out, as your teachers tell you? Can your race +add anything to this dog's stock of morals and magnanimities?” He spoke +to the creature, who jumped up, eager and happy, and apparently ready +for orders and impatient to execute them. “Get some men; go with the +dog--he will show you that carrion; and take a priest along to arrange +about insurance, for death is near.” + +With the last word he vanished, to our sorrow and disappointment. We got +the men and Father Adolf, and we saw the man die. Nobody cared but the +dog; he mourned and grieved, and licked the dead face, and could not be +comforted. We buried him where he was, and without a coffin, for he had +no money, and no friend but the dog. If we had been an hour earlier the +priest would have been in time to send that poor creature to heaven, but +now he was gone down into the awful fires, to burn forever. It seemed +such a pity that in a world where so many people have difficulty to put +in their time, one little hour could not have been spared for this +poor creature who needed it so much, and to whom it would have made the +difference between eternal joy and eternal pain. It gave an appalling +idea of the value of an hour, and I thought I could never waste one +again without remorse and terror. Seppi was depressed and grieved, and +said it must be so much better to be a dog and not run such awful risks. +We took this one home with us and kept him for our own. Seppi had a very +good thought as we were walking along, and it cheered us up and made us +feel much better. He said the dog had forgiven the man that had wronged +him so, and maybe God would accept that absolution. + +There was a very dull week, now, for Satan did not come, nothing much +was going on, and we boys could not venture to go and see Marget, +because the nights were moonlit and our parents might find us out if we +tried. But we came across Ursula a couple of times taking a walk in the +meadows beyond the river to air the cat, and we learned from her +that things were going well. She had natty new clothes on and bore a +prosperous look. The four groschen a day were arriving without a break, +but were not being spent for food and wine and such things--the cat +attended to all that. + +Marget was enduring her forsakenness and isolation fairly well, all +things considered, and was cheerful, by help of Wilhelm Meidling. She +spent an hour or two every night in the jail with her uncle, and had +fattened him up with the cat's contributions. But she was curious to +know more about Philip Traum, and hoped I would bring him again. Ursula +was curious about him herself, and asked a good many questions about his +uncle. It made the boys laugh, for I had told them the nonsense Satan +had been stuffing her with. She got no satisfaction out of us, our +tongues being tied. + +Ursula gave us a small item of information: money being plenty now, +she had taken on a servant to help about the house and run errands. She +tried to tell it in a commonplace, matter-of-course way, but she was so +set up by it and so vain of it that her pride in it leaked out pretty +plainly. It was beautiful to see her veiled delight in this grandeur, +poor old thing, but when we heard the name of the servant we wondered +if she had been altogether wise; for although we were young, and often +thoughtless, we had fairly good perception on some matters. This boy was +Gottfried Narr, a dull, good creature, with no harm in him and nothing +against him personally; still, he was under a cloud, and properly so, +for it had not been six months since a social blight had mildewed the +family--his grandmother had been burned as a witch. When that kind of +a malady is in the blood it does not always come out with just one +burning. Just now was not a good time for Ursula and Marget to be having +dealings with a member of such a family, for the witch-terror had risen +higher during the past year than it had ever reached in the memory of +the oldest villagers. The mere mention of a witch was almost enough to +frighten us out of our wits. This was natural enough, because of late +years there were more kinds of witches than there used to be; in old +times it had been only old women, but of late years they were of all +ages--even children of eight and nine; it was getting so that anybody +might turn out to be a familiar of the Devil--age and sex hadn't +anything to do with it. In our little region we had tried to extirpate +the witches, but the more of them we burned the more of the breed rose +up in their places. + +Once, in a school for girls only ten miles away, the teachers found that +the back of one of the girls was all red and inflamed, and they were +greatly frightened, believing it to be the Devil's marks. The girl was +scared, and begged them not to denounce her, and said it was only fleas; +but of course it would not do to let the matter rest there. All the +girls were examined, and eleven out of the fifty were badly marked, the +rest less so. A commission was appointed, but the eleven only cried for +their mothers and would not confess. Then they were shut up, each by +herself, in the dark, and put on black bread and water for ten days and +nights; and by that time they were haggard and wild, and their eyes were +dry and they did not cry any more, but only sat and mumbled, and would +not take the food. Then one of them confessed, and said they had often +ridden through the air on broomsticks to the witches' Sabbath, and in a +bleak place high up in the mountains had danced and drunk and caroused +with several hundred other witches and the Evil One, and all had +conducted themselves in a scandalous way and had reviled the priests and +blasphemed God. That is what she said--not in narrative form, for she +was not able to remember any of the details without having them called +to her mind one after the other; but the commission did that, for they +knew just what questions to ask, they being all written down for the use +of witch-commissioners two centuries before. They asked, “Did you do so +and so?” and she always said yes, and looked weary and tired, and +took no interest in it. And so when the other ten heard that this one +confessed, they confessed, too, and answered yes to the questions. Then +they were burned at the stake all together, which was just and right; +and everybody went from all the countryside to see it. I went, too; but +when I saw that one of them was a bonny, sweet girl I used to play with, +and looked so pitiful there chained to the stake, and her mother crying +over her and devouring her with kisses and clinging around her neck, and +saying, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” it was too dreadful, and I went away. + +It was bitter cold weather when Gottfried's grandmother was burned. It +was charged that she had cured bad headaches by kneading the person's +head and neck with her fingers--as she said--but really by the Devil's +help, as everybody knew. They were going to examine her, but she stopped +them, and confessed straight off that her power was from the Devil. So +they appointed to burn her next morning, early, in our market-square. +The officer who was to prepare the fire was there first, and prepared +it. She was there next--brought by the constables, who left her and went +to fetch another witch. Her family did not come with her. They might be +reviled, maybe stoned, if the people were excited. I came, and gave her +an apple. She was squatting at the fire, warming herself and waiting; +and her old lips and hands were blue with the cold. A stranger came +next. He was a traveler, passing through; and he spoke to her gently, +and, seeing nobody but me there to hear, said he was sorry for her. +And he asked if what she confessed was true, and she said no. He looked +surprised and still more sorry then, and asked her: + +“Then why did you confess?” + +“I am old and very poor,” she said, “and I work for my living. There +was no way but to confess. If I hadn't they might have set me free. +That would ruin me, for no one would forget that I had been suspected of +being a witch, and so I would get no more work, and wherever I went they +would set the dogs on me. In a little while I would starve. The fire is +best; it is soon over. You have been good to me, you two, and I thank +you.” + +She snuggled closer to the fire, and put out her hands to warm them, the +snow-flakes descending soft and still on her old gray head and making +it white and whiter. The crowd was gathering now, and an egg came flying +and struck her in the eye, and broke and ran down her face. There was a +laugh at that. + +I told Satan all about the eleven girls and the old woman, once, but +it did not affect him. He only said it was the human race, and what the +human race did was of no consequence. And he said he had seen it made; +and it was not made of clay; it was made of mud--part of it was, anyway. +I knew what he meant by that--the Moral Sense. He saw the thought in my +head, and it tickled him and made him laugh. Then he called a bullock +out of a pasture and petted it and talked with it, and said: + +“There--he wouldn't drive children mad with hunger and fright and +loneliness, and then burn them for confessing to things invented for +them which had never happened. And neither would he break the hearts of +innocent, poor old women and make them afraid to trust themselves among +their own race; and he would not insult them in their death-agony. For +he is not besmirched with the Moral Sense, but is as the angels are, and +knows no wrong, and never does it.” + +Lovely as he was, Satan could be cruelly offensive when he chose; and he +always chose when the human race was brought to his attention. He always +turned up his nose at it, and never had a kind word for it. + +Well, as I was saying, we boys doubted if it was a good time for Ursula +to be hiring a member of the Narr family. We were right. When the people +found it out they were naturally indignant. And, moreover, since Marget +and Ursula hadn't enough to eat themselves, where was the money coming +from to feed another mouth? That is what they wanted to know; and in +order to find out they stopped avoiding Gottfried and began to seek his +society and have sociable conversations with him. He was pleased--not +thinking any harm and not seeing the trap--and so he talked innocently +along, and was no discreeter than a cow. + +“Money!” he said; “they've got plenty of it. They pay me two groschen a +week, besides my keep. And they live on the fat of the land, I can tell +you; the prince himself can't beat their table.” + +This astonishing statement was conveyed by the astrologer to Father +Adolf on a Sunday morning when he was returning from mass. He was deeply +moved, and said: + +“This must be looked into.” + +He said there must be witchcraft at the bottom of it, and told the +villagers to resume relations with Marget and Ursula in a private and +unostentatious way, and keep both eyes open. They were told to keep +their own counsel, and not rouse the suspicions of the household. The +villagers were at first a bit reluctant to enter such a dreadful place, +but the priest said they would be under his protection while there, and +no harm could come to them, particularly if they carried a trifle of +holy water along and kept their beads and crosses handy. This satisfied +them and made them willing to go; envy and malice made the baser sort +even eager to go. + +And so poor Marget began to have company again, and was as pleased as +a cat. She was like 'most anybody else--just human, and happy in her +prosperities and not averse from showing them off a little; and she was +humanly grateful to have the warm shoulder turned to her and be smiled +upon by her friends and the village again; for of all the hard things to +bear, to be cut by your neighbors and left in contemptuous solitude is +maybe the hardest. + +The bars were down, and we could all go there now, and we did--our +parents and all--day after day. The cat began to strain herself. +She provided the top of everything for those companies, and in +abundance--among them many a dish and many a wine which they had not +tasted before and which they had not even heard of except at second-hand +from the prince's servants. And the tableware was much above ordinary, +too. + +Marget was troubled at times, and pursued Ursula with questions to an +uncomfortable degree; but Ursula stood her ground and stuck to it that +it was Providence, and said no word about the cat. Marget knew that +nothing was impossible to Providence, but she could not help having +doubts that this effort was from there, though she was afraid to say so, +lest disaster come of it. Witchcraft occurred to her, but she put the +thought aside, for this was before Gottfried joined the household, and +she knew Ursula was pious and a bitter hater of witches. By the time +Gottfried arrived Providence was established, unshakably intrenched, +and getting all the gratitude. The cat made no murmur, but went on +composedly improving in style and prodigality by experience. + +In any community, big or little, there is always a fair proportion +of people who are not malicious or unkind by nature, and who never do +unkind things except when they are overmastered by fear, or when +their self-interest is greatly in danger, or some such matter as that. +Eseldorf had its proportion of such people, and ordinarily their good +and gentle influence was felt, but these were not ordinary times--on +account of the witch-dread--and so we did not seem to have any gentle +and compassionate hearts left, to speak of. Every person was frightened +at the unaccountable state of things at Marget's house, not doubting +that witchcraft was at the bottom of it, and fright frenzied their +reason. Naturally there were some who pitied Marget and Ursula for the +danger that was gathering about them, but naturally they did not say so; +it would not have been safe. So the others had it all their own way, +and there was none to advise the ignorant girl and the foolish woman and +warn them to modify their doings. We boys wanted to warn them, but we +backed down when it came to the pinch, being afraid. We found that we +were not manly enough nor brave enough to do a generous action when +there was a chance that it could get us into trouble. Neither of us +confessed this poor spirit to the others, but did as other people would +have done--dropped the subject and talked about something else. And I +knew we all felt mean, eating and drinking Marget's fine things along +with those companies of spies, and petting her and complimenting her +with the rest, and seeing with self-reproach how foolishly happy she +was, and never saying a word to put her on her guard. And, indeed, she +was happy, and as proud as a princess, and so grateful to have friends +again. And all the time these people were watching with all their eyes +and reporting all they saw to Father Adolf. + +But he couldn't make head or tail of the situation. There must be an +enchanter somewhere on the premises, but who was it? Marget was not seen +to do any jugglery, nor was Ursula, nor yet Gottfried; and still the +wines and dainties never ran short, and a guest could not call for a +thing and not get it. To produce these effects was usual enough with +witches and enchanters--that part of it was not new; but to do it +without any incantations, or even any rumblings or earthquakes or +lightnings or apparitions--that was new, novel, wholly irregular. There +was nothing in the books like this. Enchanted things were always unreal. +Gold turned to dirt in an unenchanted atmosphere, food withered away and +vanished. But this test failed in the present case. The spies brought +samples: Father Adolf prayed over them, exorcised them, but it did no +good; they remained sound and real, they yielded to natural decay only, +and took the usual time to do it. + +Father Adolf was not merely puzzled, he was also exasperated; for +these evidences very nearly convinced him--privately--that there was no +witchcraft in the matter. It did not wholly convince him, for this could +be a new kind of witchcraft. There was a way to find out as to this: +if this prodigal abundance of provender was not brought in from the +outside, but produced on the premises, there was witchcraft, sure. + + +Chapter 7 + +Marget announced a party, and invited forty people; the date for it was +seven days away. This was a fine opportunity. Marget's house stood by +itself, and it could be easily watched. All the week it was watched +night and day. Marget's household went out and in as usual, but they +carried nothing in their hands, and neither they nor others brought +anything to the house. This was ascertained. Evidently rations for forty +people were not being fetched. If they were furnished any sustenance it +would have to be made on the premises. It was true that Marget went out +with a basket every evening, but the spies ascertained that she always +brought it back empty. + +The guests arrived at noon and filled the place. Father Adolf followed; +also, after a little, the astrologer, without invitation. The spies had +informed him that neither at the back nor the front had any parcels +been brought in. He entered, and found the eating and drinking going +on finely, and everything progressing in a lively and festive way. He +glanced around and perceived that many of the cooked delicacies and all +of the native and foreign fruits were of a perishable character, and he +also recognized that these were fresh and perfect. No apparitions, no +incantations, no thunder. That settled it. This was witchcraft. And not +only that, but of a new kind--a kind never dreamed of before. It was +a prodigious power, an illustrious power; he resolved to discover its +secret. The announcement of it would resound throughout the world, +penetrate to the remotest lands, paralyze all the nations with +amazement--and carry his name with it, and make him renowned forever. It +was a wonderful piece of luck, a splendid piece of luck; the glory of it +made him dizzy. + +All the house made room for him; Marget politely seated him; Ursula +ordered Gottfried to bring a special table for him. Then she decked it +and furnished it, and asked for his orders. + +“Bring me what you will,” he said. + +The two servants brought supplies from the pantry, together with white +wine and red--a bottle of each. The astrologer, who very likely had +never seen such delicacies before, poured out a beaker of red wine, +drank it off, poured another, then began to eat with a grand appetite. + +I was not expecting Satan, for it was more than a week since I had +seen or heard of him, but now he came in--I knew it by the feel, though +people were in the way and I could not see him. I heard him apologizing +for intruding; and he was going away, but Marget urged him to stay, and +he thanked her and stayed. She brought him along, introducing him to the +girls, and to Meidling, and to some of the elders; and there was quite +a rustle of whispers: “It's the young stranger we hear so much about +and can't get sight of, he is away so much.” “Dear, dear, but he is +beautiful--what is his name?” “Philip Traum.” “Ah, it fits him!” (You +see, “Traum” is German for “Dream.”) “What does he do?” “Studying for +the ministry, they say.” “His face is his fortune--he'll be a cardinal +some day.” “Where is his home?” “Away down somewhere in the tropics, +they say--has a rich uncle down there.” And so on. He made his way at +once; everybody was anxious to know him and talk with him. Everybody +noticed how cool and fresh it was, all of a sudden, and wondered at it, +for they could see that the sun was beating down the same as before, +outside, and the sky was clear of clouds, but no one guessed the reason, +of course. + +The astrologer had drunk his second beaker; he poured out a third. He +set the bottle down, and by accident overturned it. He seized it before +much was spilled, and held it up to the light, saying, “What a pity--it +is royal wine.” Then his face lighted with joy or triumph, or something, +and he said, “Quick! Bring a bowl.” + +It was brought--a four-quart one. He took up that two-pint bottle and +began to pour; went on pouring, the red liquor gurgling and gushing +into the white bowl and rising higher and higher up its sides, everybody +staring and holding their breath--and presently the bowl was full to the +brim. + +“Look at the bottle,” he said, holding it up; “it is full yet!” I +glanced at Satan, and in that moment he vanished. Then Father Adolf rose +up, flushed and excited, crossed himself, and began to thunder in his +great voice, “This house is bewitched and accursed!” People began to cry +and shriek and crowd toward the door. “I summon this detected household +to--” + +His words were cut off short. His face became red, then purple, but he +could not utter another sound. Then I saw Satan, a transparent film, +melt into the astrologer's body; then the astrologer put up his hand, +and apparently in his own voice said, “Wait--remain where you are.” All +stopped where they stood. “Bring a funnel!” Ursula brought it, trembling +and scared, and he stuck it in the bottle and took up the great bowl +and began to pour the wine back, the people gazing and dazed with +astonishment, for they knew the bottle was already full before he began. +He emptied the whole of the bowl into the bottle, then smiled out over +the room, chuckled, and said, indifferently: “It is nothing--anybody can +do it! With my powers I can even do much more.” + +A frightened cry burst out everywhere. “Oh, my God, he is possessed!” + and there was a tumultuous rush for the door which swiftly emptied the +house of all who did not belong in it except us boys and Meidling. +We boys knew the secret, and would have told it if we could, but we +couldn't. We were very thankful to Satan for furnishing that good help +at the needful time. + +Marget was pale, and crying; Meidling looked kind of petrified; Ursula +the same; but Gottfried was the worst--he couldn't stand, he was so weak +and scared. For he was of a witch family, you know, and it would be +bad for him to be suspected. Agnes came loafing in, looking pious and +unaware, and wanted to rub up against Ursula and be petted, but Ursula +was afraid of her and shrank away from her, but pretending she was not +meaning any incivility, for she knew very well it wouldn't answer to +have strained relations with that kind of a cat. But we boys took Agnes +and petted her, for Satan would not have befriended her if he had not +had a good opinion of her, and that was indorsement enough for us. He +seemed to trust anything that hadn't the Moral Sense. + +Outside, the guests, panic-stricken, scattered in every direction and +fled in a pitiable state of terror; and such a tumult as they made with +their running and sobbing and shrieking and shouting that soon all the +village came flocking from their houses to see what had happened, and +they thronged the street and shouldered and jostled one another in +excitement and fright; and then Father Adolf appeared, and they fell +apart in two walls like the cloven Red Sea, and presently down this lane +the astrologer came striding and mumbling, and where he passed the lanes +surged back in packed masses, and fell silent with awe, and their eyes +stared and their breasts heaved, and several women fainted; and when he +was gone by the crowd swarmed together and followed him at a distance, +talking excitedly and asking questions and finding out the +facts. Finding out the facts and passing them on to others, with +improvements--improvements which soon enlarged the bowl of wine to a +barrel, and made the one bottle hold it all and yet remain empty to the +last. + +When the astrologer reached the market-square he went straight to a +juggler, fantastically dressed, who was keeping three brass balls in the +air, and took them from him and faced around upon the approaching crowd +and said: “This poor clown is ignorant of his art. Come forward and see +an expert perform.” + +So saying, he tossed the balls up one after another and set them +whirling in a slender bright oval in the air, and added another, then +another and another, and soon--no one seeing whence he got them--adding, +adding, adding, the oval lengthening all the time, his hands moving so +swiftly that they were just a web or a blur and not distinguishable as +hands; and such as counted said there were now a hundred balls in the +air. The spinning great oval reached up twenty feet in the air and was +a shining and glinting and wonderful sight. Then he folded his arms +and told the balls to go on spinning without his help--and they did it. +After a couple of minutes he said, “There, that will do,” and the oval +broke and came crashing down, and the balls scattered abroad and rolled +every whither. And wherever one of them came the people fell back in +dread, and no one would touch it. It made him laugh, and he scoffed at +the people and called them cowards and old women. Then he turned and saw +the tight-rope, and said foolish people were daily wasting their money +to see a clumsy and ignorant varlet degrade that beautiful art; now they +should see the work of a master. With that he made a spring into the air +and lit firm on his feet on the rope. Then he hopped the whole length of +it back and forth on one foot, with his hands clasped over his eyes; and +next he began to throw somersaults, both backward and forward, and threw +twenty-seven. + +The people murmured, for the astrologer was old, and always before +had been halting of movement and at times even lame, but he was nimble +enough now and went on with his antics in the liveliest manner. Finally +he sprang lightly down and walked away, and passed up the road and +around the corner and disappeared. Then that great, pale, silent, solid +crowd drew a deep breath and looked into one another's faces as if +they said: “Was it real? Did you see it, or was it only I--and was I +dreaming?” Then they broke into a low murmur of talking, and fell apart +in couples, and moved toward their homes, still talking in that awed +way, with faces close together and laying a hand on an arm and making +other such gestures as people make when they have been deeply impressed +by something. + +We boys followed behind our fathers, and listened, catching all we could +of what they said; and when they sat down in our house and continued +their talk they still had us for company. They were in a sad mood, for +it was certain, they said, that disaster for the village must follow +this awful visitation of witches and devils. Then my father +remembered that father Adolf had been struck dumb at the moment of his +denunciation. + +“They have not ventured to lay their hands upon an anointed servant +of God before,” he said; “and how they could have dared it this time I +cannot make out, for he wore his crucifix. Isn't it so?” + +“Yes,” said the others, “we saw it.” + +“It is serious, friends, it is very serious. Always before, we had a +protection. It has failed.” + +The others shook, as with a sort of chill, and muttered those words +over--“It has failed.” “God has forsaken us.” + +“It is true,” said Seppi Wohlmeyer's father; “there is nowhere to look +for help.” + +“The people will realize this,” said Nikolaus's father, the judge, “and +despair will take away their courage and their energies. We have indeed +fallen upon evil times.” + +He sighed, and Wohlmeyer said, in a troubled voice: “The report of it +all will go about the country, and our village will be shunned as being +under the displeasure of God. The Golden Stag will know hard times.” + +“True, neighbor,” said my father; “all of us will suffer--all in repute, +many in estate. And, good God!--” + +“What is it?” + +“That can come--to finish us!” + +“Name it--um Gottes Willen!” + +“The Interdict!” + +It smote like a thunderclap, and they were like to swoon with the terror +of it. Then the dread of this calamity roused their energies, and they +stopped brooding and began to consider ways to avert it. They discussed +this, that, and the other way, and talked till the afternoon was far +spent, then confessed that at present they could arrive at no decision. +So they parted sorrowfully, with oppressed hearts which were filled with +bodings. + +While they were saying their parting words I slipped out and set my +course for Marget's house to see what was happening there. I met many +people, but none of them greeted me. It ought to have been surprising, +but it was not, for they were so distraught with fear and dread that +they were not in their right minds, I think; they were white and +haggard, and walked like persons in a dream, their eyes open but seeing +nothing, their lips moving but uttering nothing, and worriedly clasping +and unclasping their hands without knowing it. + +At Marget's it was like a funeral. She and Wilhelm sat together on the +sofa, but said nothing, and not even holding hands. Both were steeped +in gloom, and Marget's eyes were red from the crying she had been doing. +She said: + +“I have been begging him to go, and come no more, and so save himself +alive. I cannot bear to be his murderer. This house is bewitched, and +no inmate will escape the fire. But he will not go, and he will be lost +with the rest.” + +Wilhelm said he would not go; if there was danger for her, his place was +by her, and there he would remain. Then she began to cry again, and it +was all so mournful that I wished I had stayed away. There was a knock, +now, and Satan came in, fresh and cheery and beautiful, and brought that +winy atmosphere of his and changed the whole thing. He never said a +word about what had been happening, nor about the awful fears which were +freezing the blood in the hearts of the community, but began to talk and +rattle on about all manner of gay and pleasant things; and next about +music--an artful stroke which cleared away the remnant of Marget's +depression and brought her spirits and her interests broad awake. She +had not heard any one talk so well and so knowingly on that subject +before, and she was so uplifted by it and so charmed that what she was +feeling lit up her face and came out in her words; and Wilhelm noticed +it and did not look as pleased as he ought to have done. And next Satan +branched off into poetry, and recited some, and did it well, and Marget +was charmed again; and again Wilhelm was not as pleased as he ought to +have been, and this time Marget noticed it and was remorseful. + +I fell asleep to pleasant music that night--the patter of rain upon the +panes and the dull growling of distant thunder. Away in the night Satan +came and roused me and said: “Come with me. Where shall we go?” + +“Anywhere--so it is with you.” + +Then there was a fierce glare of sunlight, and he said, “This is China.” + +That was a grand surprise, and made me sort of drunk with vanity and +gladness to think I had come so far--so much, much farther than anybody +else in our village, including Bartel Sperling, who had such a great +opinion of his travels. We buzzed around over that empire for more than +half an hour, and saw the whole of it. It was wonderful, the spectacles +we saw; and some were beautiful, others too horrible to think. For +instance--However, I may go into that by and by, and also why Satan +chose China for this excursion instead of another place; it would +interrupt my tale to do it now. Finally we stopped flitting and lit. + +We sat upon a mountain commanding a vast landscape of mountain-range +and gorge and valley and plain and river, with cities and villages +slumbering in the sunlight, and a glimpse of blue sea on the farther +verge. It was a tranquil and dreamy picture, beautiful to the eye and +restful to the spirit. If we could only make a change like that whenever +we wanted to, the world would be easier to live in than it is, for +change of scene shifts the mind's burdens to the other shoulder and +banishes old, shop-worn wearinesses from mind and body both. + +We talked together, and I had the idea of trying to reform Satan and +persuade him to lead a better life. I told him about all those things +he had been doing, and begged him to be more considerate and stop making +people unhappy. I said I knew he did not mean any harm, but that he +ought to stop and consider the possible consequences of a thing before +launching it in that impulsive and random way of his; then he would +not make so much trouble. He was not hurt by this plain speech; he only +looked amused and surprised, and said: + +“What? I do random things? Indeed, I never do. I stop and consider +possible consequences? Where is the need? I know what the consequences +are going to be--always.” + +“Oh, Satan, then how could you do these things?” + +“Well, I will tell you, and you must understand if you can. You +belong to a singular race. Every man is a suffering-machine and +a happiness-machine combined. The two functions work together +harmoniously, with a fine and delicate precision, on the give-and-take +principle. For every happiness turned out in the one department the +other stands ready to modify it with a sorrow or a pain--maybe a dozen. +In most cases the man's life is about equally divided between +happiness and unhappiness. When this is not the case the unhappiness +predominates--always; never the other. Sometimes a man's make and +disposition are such that his misery-machine is able to do nearly all +the business. Such a man goes through life almost ignorant of what +happiness is. Everything he touches, everything he does, brings a +misfortune upon him. You have seen such people? To that kind of a person +life is not an advantage, is it? It is only a disaster. Sometimes for an +hour's happiness a man's machinery makes him pay years of misery. Don't +you know that? It happens every now and then. I will give you a case +or two presently. Now the people of your village are nothing to me--you +know that, don't you?” + +I did not like to speak out too flatly, so I said I had suspected it. + +“Well, it is true that they are nothing to me. It is not possible +that they should be. The difference between them and me is abysmal, +immeasurable. They have no intellect.” + +“No intellect?” + +“Nothing that resembles it. At a future time I will examine what man +calls his mind and give you the details of that chaos, then you will see +and understand. Men have nothing in common with me--there is no point of +contact; they have foolish little feelings and foolish little vanities +and impertinences and ambitions; their foolish little life is but a +laugh, a sigh, and extinction; and they have no sense. Only the Moral +Sense. I will show you what I mean. Here is a red spider, not so big +as a pin's head. Can you imagine an elephant being interested in +him--caring whether he is happy or isn't, or whether he is wealthy or +poor, or whether his sweetheart returns his love or not, or whether his +mother is sick or well, or whether he is looked up to in society or +not, or whether his enemies will smite him or his friends desert him, or +whether his hopes will suffer blight or his political ambitions fail, +or whether he shall die in the bosom of his family or neglected and +despised in a foreign land? These things can never be important to the +elephant; they are nothing to him; he cannot shrink his sympathies to +the microscopic size of them. Man is to me as the red spider is to the +elephant. The elephant has nothing against the spider--he cannot get +down to that remote level; I have nothing against man. The elephant is +indifferent; I am indifferent. The elephant would not take the trouble +to do the spider an ill turn; if he took the notion he might do him a +good turn, if it came in his way and cost nothing. I have done men good +service, but no ill turns. + +“The elephant lives a century, the red spider a day; in power, +intellect, and dignity the one creature is separated from the other by +a distance which is simply astronomical. Yet in these, as in all +qualities, man is immeasurably further below me than is the wee spider +below the elephant. + +“Man's mind clumsily and tediously and laboriously patches little +trivialities together and gets a result--such as it is. My mind creates! +Do you get the force of that? Creates anything it desires--and in +a moment. Creates without material. Creates fluids, solids, +colors--anything, everything--out of the airy nothing which is called +Thought. A man imagines a silk thread, imagines a machine to make it, +imagines a picture, then by weeks of labor embroiders it on canvas +with the thread. I think the whole thing, and in a moment it is before +you--created. + +“I think a poem, music, the record of a game of chess--anything--and +it is there. This is the immortal mind--nothing is beyond its reach. +Nothing can obstruct my vision; the rocks are transparent to me, and +darkness is daylight. I do not need to open a book; I take the whole of +its contents into my mind at a single glance, through the cover; and in +a million years I could not forget a single word of it, or its place in +the volume. Nothing goes on in the skull of man, bird, fish, insect, or +other creature which can be hidden from me. I pierce the learned man's +brain with a single glance, and the treasures which cost him threescore +years to accumulate are mine; he can forget, and he does forget, but I +retain. + +“Now, then, I perceive by your thoughts that you are understanding me +fairly well. Let us proceed. Circumstances might so fall out that the +elephant could like the spider--supposing he can see it--but he could +not love it. His love is for his own kind--for his equals. An +angel's love is sublime, adorable, divine, beyond the imagination of +man--infinitely beyond it! But it is limited to his own august order. If +it fell upon one of your race for only an instant, it would consume +its object to ashes. No, we cannot love men, but we can be harmlessly +indifferent to them; we can also like them, sometimes. I like you and +the boys, I like father Peter, and for your sakes I am doing all these +things for the villagers.” + +He saw that I was thinking a sarcasm, and he explained his position. + +“I have wrought well for the villagers, though it does not look like +it on the surface. Your race never know good fortune from ill. They are +always mistaking the one for the other. It is because they cannot see +into the future. What I am doing for the villagers will bear good fruit +some day; in some cases to themselves; in others, to unborn generations +of men. No one will ever know that I was the cause, but it will be none +the less true, for all that. Among you boys you have a game: you stand a +row of bricks on end a few inches apart; you push a brick, it knocks its +neighbor over, the neighbor knocks over the next brick--and so on till +all the row is prostrate. That is human life. A child's first act knocks +over the initial brick, and the rest will follow inexorably. If you +could see into the future, as I can, you would see everything that was +going to happen to that creature; for nothing can change the order of +its life after the first event has determined it. That is, nothing will +change it, because each act unfailingly begets an act, that act begets +another, and so on to the end, and the seer can look forward down the +line and see just when each act is to have birth, from cradle to grave.” + +“Does God order the career?” + +“Foreordain it? No. The man's circumstances and environment order it. +His first act determines the second and all that follow after. But +suppose, for argument's sake, that the man should skip one of these +acts; an apparently trifling one, for instance; suppose that it had been +appointed that on a certain day, at a certain hour and minute and second +and fraction of a second he should go to the well, and he didn't go. +That man's career would change utterly, from that moment; thence to the +grave it would be wholly different from the career which his first act +as a child had arranged for him. Indeed, it might be that if he had +gone to the well he would have ended his career on a throne, and that +omitting to do it would set him upon a career that would lead to +beggary and a pauper's grave. For instance: if at any time--say in +boyhood--Columbus had skipped the triflingest little link in the chain +of acts projected and made inevitable by his first childish act, it +would have changed his whole subsequent life, and he would have become +a priest and died obscure in an Italian village, and America would not +have been discovered for two centuries afterward. I know this. To +skip any one of the billion acts in Columbus's chain would have wholly +changed his life. I have examined his billion of possible careers, and +in only one of them occurs the discovery of America. You people do not +suspect that all of your acts are of one size and importance, but it is +true; to snatch at an appointed fly is as big with fate for you as is +any other appointed act--” + +“As the conquering of a continent, for instance?” + +“Yes. Now, then, no man ever does drop a link--the thing has never +happened! Even when he is trying to make up his mind as to whether +he will do a thing or not, that itself is a link, an act, and has its +proper place in his chain; and when he finally decides an act, that also +was the thing which he was absolutely certain to do. You see, now, that +a man will never drop a link in his chain. He cannot. If he made up his +mind to try, that project would itself be an unavoidable link--a thought +bound to occur to him at that precise moment, and made certain by the +first act of his babyhood.” + +It seemed so dismal! + +“He is a prisoner for life,” I said sorrowfully, “and cannot get free.” + +“No, of himself he cannot get away from the consequences of his first +childish act. But I can free him.” + +I looked up wistfully. + +“I have changed the careers of a number of your villagers.” + +I tried to thank him, but found it difficult, and let it drop. + +“I shall make some other changes. You know that little Lisa Brandt?” + +“Oh yes, everybody does. My mother says she is so sweet and so lovely +that she is not like any other child. She says she will be the pride of +the village when she grows up; and its idol, too, just as she is now.” + +“I shall change her future.” + +“Make it better?” I asked. + +“Yes. And I will change the future of Nikolaus.” + +I was glad, this time, and said, “I don't need to ask about his case; +you will be sure to do generously by him.” + +“It is my intention.” + +Straight off I was building that great future of Nicky's in my +imagination, and had already made a renowned general of him and +hofmeister at the court, when I noticed that Satan was waiting for me +to get ready to listen again. I was ashamed of having exposed my cheap +imaginings to him, and was expecting some sarcasms, but it did not +happen. He proceeded with his subject: + +“Nicky's appointed life is sixty-two years.” + +“That's grand!” I said. + +“Lisa's, thirty-six. But, as I told you, I shall change their lives and +those ages. Two minutes and a quarter from now Nikolaus will wake out of +his sleep and find the rain blowing in. It was appointed that he should +turn over and go to sleep again. But I have appointed that he shall +get up and close the window first. That trifle will change his career +entirely. He will rise in the morning two minutes later than the chain +of his life had appointed him to rise. By consequence, thenceforth +nothing will ever happen to him in accordance with the details of the +old chain.” He took out his watch and sat looking at it a few moments, +then said: “Nikolaus has risen to close the window. His life is changed, +his new career has begun. There will be consequences.” + +It made me feel creepy; it was uncanny. + +“But for this change certain things would happen twelve days from now. +For instance, Nikolaus would save Lisa from drowning. He would arrive +on the scene at exactly the right moment--four minutes past ten, the +long-ago appointed instant of time--and the water would be shoal, the +achievement easy and certain. But he will arrive some seconds too late, +now; Lisa will have struggled into deeper water. He will do his best, +but both will drown.” + +“Oh, Satan! Oh, dear Satan!” I cried, with the tears rising in my eyes, +“save them! Don't let it happen. I can't bear to lose Nikolaus, he is my +loving playmate and friend; and think of Lisa's poor mother!” + +I clung to him and begged and pleaded, but he was not moved. He made me +sit down again, and told me I must hear him out. + +“I have changed Nikolaus's life, and this has changed Lisa's. If I had +not done this, Nikolaus would save Lisa, then he would catch cold from +his drenching; one of your race's fantastic and desolating scarlet +fevers would follow, with pathetic after-effects; for forty-six years +he would lie in his bed a paralytic log, deaf, dumb, blind, and praying +night and day for the blessed relief of death. Shall I change his life +back?” + +“Oh no! Oh, not for the world! In charity and pity leave it as it is.” + +“It is best so. I could not have changed any other link in his life and +done him so good a service. He had a billion possible careers, but not +one of them was worth living; they were charged full with miseries and +disasters. But for my intervention he would do his brave deed twelve +days from now--a deed begun and ended in six minutes--and get for all +reward those forty-six years of sorrow and suffering I told you of. +It is one of the cases I was thinking of awhile ago when I said +that sometimes an act which brings the actor an hour's happiness and +self-satisfaction is paid for--or punished--by years of suffering.” + +I wondered what poor little Lisa's early death would save her from. He +answered the thought: + +“From ten years of pain and slow recovery from an accident, and then +from nineteen years' pollution, shame, depravity, crime, ending with +death at the hands of the executioner. Twelve days hence she will die; +her mother would save her life if she could. Am I not kinder than her +mother?” + +“Yes--oh, indeed yes; and wiser.” + +“Father Peter's case is coming on presently. He will be acquitted, +through unassailable proofs of his innocence.” + +“Why, Satan, how can that be? Do you really think it?” + +“Indeed, I know it. His good name will be restored, and the rest of his +life will be happy.” + +“I can believe it. To restore his good name will have that effect.” + +“His happiness will not proceed from that cause. I shall change his +life that day, for his good. He will never know his good name has been +restored.” + +In my mind--and modestly--I asked for particulars, but Satan paid no +attention to my thought. Next, my mind wandered to the astrologer, and I +wondered where he might be. + +“In the moon,” said Satan, with a fleeting sound which I believed was +a chuckle. “I've got him on the cold side of it, too. He doesn't know +where he is, and is not having a pleasant time; still, it is good enough +for him, a good place for his star studies. I shall need him presently; +then I shall bring him back and possess him again. He has a long and +cruel and odious life before him, but I will change that, for I have no +feeling against him and am quite willing to do him a kindness. I think I +shall get him burned.” + +He had such strange notions of kindness! But angels are made so, and +do not know any better. Their ways are not like our ways; and, besides, +human beings are nothing to them; they think they are only freaks. It +seems to me odd that he should put the astrologer so far away; he could +have dumped him in Germany just as well, where he would be handy. + +“Far away?” said Satan. “To me no place is far away; distance does not +exist for me. The sun is less than a hundred million miles from here, +and the light that is falling upon us has taken eight minutes to come; +but I can make that flight, or any other, in a fraction of time so +minute that it cannot be measured by a watch. I have but to think the +journey, and it is accomplished.” + +I held out my hand and said, “The light lies upon it; think it into a +glass of wine, Satan.” + +He did it. I drank the wine. + +“Break the glass,” he said. + +I broke it. + +“There--you see it is real. The villagers thought the brass balls were +magic stuff and as perishable as smoke. They were afraid to touch them. +You are a curious lot--your race. But come along; I have business. I +will put you to bed.” Said and done. Then he was gone; but his voice +came back to me through the rain and darkness saying, “Yes, tell Seppi, +but no other.” + +It was the answer to my thought. + + +Chapter 8 + +Sleep would not come. It was not because I was proud of my travels and +excited about having been around the big world to China, and feeling +contemptuous of Bartel Sperling, “the traveler,” as he called himself, +and looked down upon us others because he had been to Vienna once and +was the only Eseldorf boy who had made such a journey and seen the +world's wonders. At another time that would have kept me awake, but it +did not affect me now. No, my mind was filled with Nikolaus, my thoughts +ran upon him only, and the good days we had seen together at romps and +frolics in the woods and the fields and the river in the long summer +days, and skating and sliding in the winter when our parents thought +we were in school. And now he was going out of this young life, and the +summers and winters would come and go, and we others would rove and play +as before, but his place would be vacant; we should see him no more. +To-morrow he would not suspect, but would be as he had always been, +and it would shock me to hear him laugh, and see him do lightsome and +frivolous things, for to me he would be a corpse, with waxen hands and +dull eyes, and I should see the shroud around his face; and next day he +would not suspect, nor the next, and all the time his handful of days +would be wasting swiftly away and that awful thing coming nearer and +nearer, his fate closing steadily around him and no one knowing it but +Seppi and me. Twelve days--only twelve days. It was awful to think of. I +noticed that in my thoughts I was not calling him by his familiar +names, Nick and Nicky, but was speaking of him by his full name, and +reverently, as one speaks of the dead. Also, as incident after incident +of our comradeship came thronging into my mind out of the past, I +noticed that they were mainly cases where I had wronged him or hurt +him, and they rebuked me and reproached me, and my heart was wrung with +remorse, just as it is when we remember our unkindnesses to friends who +have passed beyond the veil, and we wish we could have them back again, +if only for a moment, so that we could go on our knees to them and say, +“Have pity, and forgive.” + +Once when we were nine years old he went a long errand of nearly two +miles for the fruiterer, who gave him a splendid big apple for reward, +and he was flying home with it, almost beside himself with astonishment +and delight, and I met him, and he let me look at the apple, not +thinking of treachery, and I ran off with it, eating it as I ran, he +following me and begging; and when he overtook me I offered him the +core, which was all that was left; and I laughed. Then he turned away, +crying, and said he had meant to give it to his little sister. That +smote me, for she was slowly getting well of a sickness, and it would +have been a proud moment for him, to see her joy and surprise and have +her caresses. But I was ashamed to say I was ashamed, and only said +something rude and mean, to pretend I did not care, and he made no reply +in words, but there was a wounded look in his face as he turned away +toward his home which rose before me many times in after years, in the +night, and reproached me and made me ashamed again. It had grown dim in +my mind, by and by, then it disappeared; but it was back now, and not +dim. + +Once at school, when we were eleven, I upset my ink and spoiled four +copy-books, and was in danger of severe punishment; but I put it upon +him, and he got the whipping. + +And only last year I had cheated him in a trade, giving him a large +fish-hook which was partly broken through for three small sound ones. +The first fish he caught broke the hook, but he did not know I was +blamable, and he refused to take back one of the small hooks which my +conscience forced me to offer him, but said, “A trade is a trade; the +hook was bad, but that was not your fault.” + +No, I could not sleep. These little, shabby wrongs upbraided me and +tortured me, and with a pain much sharper than one feels when the wrongs +have been done to the living. Nikolaus was living, but no matter; he was +to me as one already dead. The wind was still moaning about the eaves, +the rain still pattering upon the panes. + +In the morning I sought out Seppi and told him. It was down by the +river. His lips moved, but he did not say anything, he only looked dazed +and stunned, and his face turned very white. He stood like that a few +moments, the tears welling into his eyes, then he turned away and I +locked my arm in his and we walked along thinking, but not speaking. +We crossed the bridge and wandered through the meadows and up among the +hills and the woods, and at last the talk came and flowed freely, and it +was all about Nikolaus and was a recalling of the life we had lived with +him. And every now and then Seppi said, as if to himself: + +“Twelve days!--less than twelve days.” + +We said we must be with him all the time; we must have all of him we +could; the days were precious now. Yet we did not go to seek him. It +would be like meeting the dead, and we were afraid. We did not say it, +but that was what we were feeling. And so it gave us a shock when we +turned a curve and came upon Nikolaus face to face. He shouted, gaily: + +“Hi-hi! What is the matter? Have you seen a ghost?” + +We couldn't speak, but there was no occasion; he was willing to talk +for us all, for he had just seen Satan and was in high spirits about it. +Satan had told him about our trip to China, and he had begged Satan to +take him a journey, and Satan had promised. It was to be a far journey, +and wonderful and beautiful; and Nikolaus had begged him to take us, +too, but he said no, he would take us some day, maybe, but not now. +Satan would come for him on the 13th, and Nikolaus was already counting +the hours, he was so impatient. + +That was the fatal day. We were already counting the hours, too. + +We wandered many a mile, always following paths which had been our +favorites from the days when we were little, and always we talked about +the old times. All the blitheness was with Nikolaus; we others could +not shake off our depression. Our tone toward Nikolaus was so strangely +gentle and tender and yearning that he noticed it, and was pleased; and +we were constantly doing him deferential little offices of courtesy, +and saying, “Wait, let me do that for you,” and that pleased him, too. I +gave him seven fish-hooks--all I had--and made him take them; and +Seppi gave him his new knife and a humming-top painted red and +yellow--atonements for swindles practised upon him formerly, as I +learned later, and probably no longer remembered by Nikolaus now. These +things touched him, and he could not have believed that we loved him so; +and his pride in it and gratefulness for it cut us to the heart, we were +so undeserving of them. When we parted at last, he was radiant, and said +he had never had such a happy day. + +As we walked along homeward, Seppi said, “We always prized him, but +never so much as now, when we are going to lose him.” + +Next day and every day we spent all of our spare time with Nikolaus; +and also added to it time which we (and he) stole from work and other +duties, and this cost the three of us some sharp scoldings, and some +threats of punishment. Every morning two of us woke with a start and +a shudder, saying, as the days flew along, “Only ten days left;” “only +nine days left;” “only eight;” “only seven.” Always it was narrowing. +Always Nikolaus was gay and happy, and always puzzled because we were +not. He wore his invention to the bone trying to invent ways to cheer us +up, but it was only a hollow success; he could see that our jollity had +no heart in it, and that the laughs we broke into came up against some +obstruction or other and suffered damage and decayed into a sigh. He +tried to find out what the matter was, so that he could help us out of +our trouble or make it lighter by sharing it with us; so we had to tell +many lies to deceive him and appease him. + +But the most distressing thing of all was that he was always making +plans, and often they went beyond the 13th! Whenever that happened it +made us groan in spirit. All his mind was fixed upon finding some way +to conquer our depression and cheer us up; and at last, when he had but +three days to live, he fell upon the right idea and was jubilant over +it--a boys-and-girls' frolic and dance in the woods, up there where we +first met Satan, and this was to occur on the 14th. It was ghastly, for +that was his funeral day. We couldn't venture to protest; it would only +have brought a “Why?” which we could not answer. He wanted us to help +him invite his guests, and we did it--one can refuse nothing to a dying +friend. But it was dreadful, for really we were inviting them to his +funeral. + +It was an awful eleven days; and yet, with a lifetime stretching back +between to-day and then, they are still a grateful memory to me, and +beautiful. In effect they were days of companionship with one's sacred +dead, and I have known no comradeship that was so close or so precious. +We clung to the hours and the minutes, counting them as they wasted +away, and parting with them with that pain and bereavement which a miser +feels who sees his hoard filched from him coin by coin by robbers and is +helpless to prevent it. + +When the evening of the last day came we stayed out too long; Seppi and +I were in fault for that; we could not bear to part with Nikolaus; so +it was very late when we left him at his door. We lingered near awhile, +listening; and that happened which we were fearing. His father gave him +the promised punishment, and we heard his shrieks. But we listened only +a moment, then hurried away, remorseful for this thing which we had +caused. And sorry for the father, too; our thought being, “If he only +knew--if he only knew!” + +In the morning Nikolaus did not meet us at the appointed place, so we +went to his home to see what the matter was. His mother said: + +“His father is out of all patience with these goings-on, and will not +have any more of it. Half the time when Nick is needed he is not to be +found; then it turns out that he has been gadding around with you two. +His father gave him a flogging last night. It always grieved me before, +and many's the time I have begged him off and saved him, but this time +he appealed to me in vain, for I was out of patience myself.” + +“I wish you had saved him just this one time,” I said, my voice +trembling a little; “it would ease a pain in your heart to remember it +some day.” + +She was ironing at the time, and her back was partly toward me. She +turned about with a startled or wondering look in her face and said, +“What do you mean by that?” + +I was not prepared, and didn't know anything to say; so it was awkward, +for she kept looking at me; but Seppi was alert and spoke up: + +“Why, of course it would be pleasant to remember, for the very reason +we were out so late was that Nikolaus got to telling how good you are to +him, and how he never got whipped when you were by to save him; and he +was so full of it, and we were so full of the interest of it, that none +of us noticed how late it was getting.” + +“Did he say that? Did he?” and she put her apron to her eyes. + +“You can ask Theodor--he will tell you the same.” + +“It is a dear, good lad, my Nick,” she said. “I am sorry I let him get +whipped; I will never do it again. To think--all the time I was sitting +here last night, fretting and angry at him, he was loving me and +praising me! Dear, dear, if we could only know! Then we shouldn't ever +go wrong; but we are only poor, dumb beasts groping around and making +mistakes. I shan't ever think of last night without a pang.” + +She was like all the rest; it seemed as if nobody could open a mouth, in +these wretched days, without saying something that made us shiver. They +were “groping around,” and did not know what true, sorrowfully true +things they were saying by accident. + +Seppi asked if Nikolaus might go out with us. + +“I am sorry,” she answered, “but he can't. To punish him further, his +father doesn't allow him to go out of the house to-day.” + +We had a great hope! I saw it in Seppi's eyes. We thought, “If he cannot +leave the house, he cannot be drowned.” Seppi asked, to make sure: + +“Must he stay in all day, or only the morning?” + +“All day. It's such a pity, too; it's a beautiful day, and he is so +unused to being shut up. But he is busy planning his party, and maybe +that is company for him. I do hope he isn't too lonesome.” + +Seppi saw that in her eye which emboldened him to ask if we might go up +and help him pass his time. + +“And welcome!” she said, right heartily. “Now I call that real +friendship, when you might be abroad in the fields and the woods, having +a happy time. You are good boys, I'll allow that, though you don't +always find satisfactory ways of improving it. Take these cakes--for +yourselves--and give him this one, from his mother.” + +The first thing we noticed when we entered Nikolaus's room was the +time--a quarter to 10. Could that be correct? Only such a few minutes to +live! I felt a contraction at my heart. Nikolaus jumped up and gave us +a glad welcome. He was in good spirits over his plannings for his party +and had not been lonesome. + +“Sit down,” he said, “and look at what I've been doing. And I've +finished a kite that you will say is a beauty. It's drying, in the +kitchen; I'll fetch it.” + +He had been spending his penny savings in fanciful trifles of various +kinds, to go as prizes in the games, and they were marshaled with fine +and showy effect upon the table. He said: + +“Examine them at your leisure while I get mother to touch up the kite +with her iron if it isn't dry enough yet.” + +Then he tripped out and went clattering down-stairs, whistling. + +We did not look at the things; we couldn't take any interest in anything +but the clock. We sat staring at it in silence, listening to +the ticking, and every time the minute-hand jumped we nodded +recognition--one minute fewer to cover in the race for life or for +death. Finally Seppi drew a deep breath and said: + +“Two minutes to ten. Seven minutes more and he will pass the +death-point. Theodor, he is going to be saved! He's going to--” + +“Hush! I'm on needles. Watch the clock and keep still.” + +Five minutes more. We were panting with the strain and the excitement. +Another three minutes, and there was a footstep on the stair. + +“Saved!” And we jumped up and faced the door. + +The old mother entered, bringing the kite. “Isn't it a beauty?” she +said. “And, dear me, how he has slaved over it--ever since daylight, +I think, and only finished it awhile before you came.” She stood it +against the wall, and stepped back to take a view of it. “He drew the +pictures his own self, and I think they are very good. The church isn't +so very good, I'll have to admit, but look at the bridge--any one can +recognize the bridge in a minute. He asked me to bring it up.... Dear +me! it's seven minutes past ten, and I--” + +“But where is he?” + +“He? Oh, he'll be here soon; he's gone out a minute.” + +“Gone out?” + +“Yes. Just as he came down-stairs little Lisa's mother came in and said +the child had wandered off somewhere, and as she was a little uneasy I +told Nikolaus to never mind about his father's orders--go and look her +up.... Why, how white you two do look! I do believe you are sick. Sit +down; I'll fetch something. That cake has disagreed with you. It is a +little heavy, but I thought--” + +She disappeared without finishing her sentence, and we hurried at once +to the back window and looked toward the river. There was a great crowd +at the other end of the bridge, and people were flying toward that point +from every direction. + +“Oh, it is all over--poor Nikolaus! Why, oh, why did she let him get out +of the house!” + +“Come away,” said Seppi, half sobbing, “come quick--we can't bear to +meet her; in five minutes she will know.” + +But we were not to escape. She came upon us at the foot of the stairs, +with her cordials in her hands, and made us come in and sit down and +take the medicine. Then she watched the effect, and it did not satisfy +her; so she made us wait longer, and kept upbraiding herself for giving +us the unwholesome cake. + +Presently the thing happened which we were dreading. There was a sound +of tramping and scraping outside, and a crowd came solemnly in, with +heads uncovered, and laid the two drowned bodies on the bed. + +“Oh, my God!” that poor mother cried out, and fell on her knees, and put +her arms about her dead boy and began to cover the wet face with kisses. +“Oh, it was I that sent him, and I have been his death. If I had obeyed, +and kept him in the house, this would not have happened. And I am +rightly punished; I was cruel to him last night, and him begging me, his +own mother, to be his friend.” + +And so she went on and on, and all the women cried, and pitied her, and +tried to comfort her, but she could not forgive herself and could not +be comforted, and kept on saying if she had not sent him out he would be +alive and well now, and she was the cause of his death. + +It shows how foolish people are when they blame themselves for anything +they have done. Satan knows, and he said nothing happens that your first +act hasn't arranged to happen and made inevitable; and so, of your own +motion you can't ever alter the scheme or do a thing that will break +a link. Next we heard screams, and Frau Brandt came wildly plowing and +plunging through the crowd with her dress in disorder and hair flying +loose, and flung herself upon her dead child with moans and kisses and +pleadings and endearments; and by and by she rose up almost exhausted +with her outpourings of passionate emotion, and clenched her fist and +lifted it toward the sky, and her tear-drenched face grew hard and +resentful, and she said: + +“For nearly two weeks I have had dreams and presentiments and warnings +that death was going to strike what was most precious to me, and day and +night and night and day I have groveled in the dirt before Him praying +Him to have pity on my innocent child and save it from harm--and here is +His answer!” + +Why, He had saved it from harm--but she did not know. + +She wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks, and stood awhile gazing +down at the child and caressing its face and its hair with her hands; +then she spoke again in that bitter tone: “But in His hard heart is no +compassion. I will never pray again.” + +She gathered her dead child to her bosom and strode away, the crowd +falling back to let her pass, and smitten dumb by the awful words they +had heard. Ah, that poor woman! It is as Satan said, we do not know good +fortune from bad, and are always mistaking the one for the other. Many +a time since I have heard people pray to God to spare the life of sick +persons, but I have never done it. + +Both funerals took place at the same time in our little church next day. +Everybody was there, including the party guests. Satan was there, too; +which was proper, for it was on account of his efforts that the funerals +had happened. Nikolaus had departed this life without absolution, and +a collection was taken up for masses, to get him out of purgatory. Only +two-thirds of the required money was gathered, and the parents were +going to try to borrow the rest, but Satan furnished it. He told us +privately that there was no purgatory, but he had contributed in order +that Nikolaus's parents and their friends might be saved from worry and +distress. We thought it very good of him, but he said money did not cost +him anything. + +At the graveyard the body of little Lisa was seized for debt by a +carpenter to whom the mother owed fifty groschen for work done the year +before. She had never been able to pay this, and was not able now. The +carpenter took the corpse home and kept it four days in his cellar, +the mother weeping and imploring about his house all the time; then he +buried it in his brother's cattle-yard, without religious ceremonies. It +drove the mother wild with grief and shame, and she forsook her work +and went daily about the town, cursing the carpenter and blaspheming +the laws of the emperor and the church, and it was pitiful to see. Seppi +asked Satan to interfere, but he said the carpenter and the rest were +members of the human race and were acting quite neatly for that species +of animal. He would interfere if he found a horse acting in such a way, +and we must inform him when we came across that kind of horse doing +that kind of human thing, so that he could stop it. We believed this was +sarcasm, for of course there wasn't any such horse. + +But after a few days we found that we could not abide that poor woman's +distress, so we begged Satan to examine her several possible careers, +and see if he could not change her, to her profit, to a new one. He said +the longest of her careers as they now stood gave her forty-two years to +live, and her shortest one twenty-nine, and that both were charged with +grief and hunger and cold and pain. The only improvement he could make +would be to enable her to skip a certain three minutes from now; and +he asked us if he should do it. This was such a short time to decide in +that we went to pieces with nervous excitement, and before we could pull +ourselves together and ask for particulars he said the time would be up +in a few more seconds; so then we gasped out, “Do it!” + +“It is done,” he said; “she was going around a corner; I have turned her +back; it has changed her career.” + +“Then what will happen, Satan?” + +“It is happening now. She is having words with Fischer, the weaver. In +his anger Fischer will straightway do what he would not have done but +for this accident. He was present when she stood over her child's body +and uttered those blasphemies.” + +“What will he do?” + +“He is doing it now--betraying her. In three days she will go to the +stake.” + +We could not speak; we were frozen with horror, for if we had not +meddled with her career she would have been spared this awful fate. +Satan noticed these thoughts, and said: + +“What you are thinking is strictly human-like--that is to say, foolish. +The woman is advantaged. Die when she might, she would go to heaven. By +this prompt death she gets twenty-nine years more of heaven than she is +entitled to, and escapes twenty-nine years of misery here.” + +A moment before we were bitterly making up our minds that we would ask +no more favors of Satan for friends of ours, for he did not seem to +know any way to do a person a kindness but by killing him; but the whole +aspect of the case was changed now, and we were glad of what we had done +and full of happiness in the thought of it. + +After a little I began to feel troubled about Fischer, and asked, +timidly, “Does this episode change Fischer's life-scheme, Satan?” + +“Change it? Why, certainly. And radically. If he had not met Frau Brandt +awhile ago he would die next year, thirty-four years of age. Now he will +live to be ninety, and have a pretty prosperous and comfortable life of +it, as human lives go.” + +We felt a great joy and pride in what we had done for Fischer, and were +expecting Satan to sympathize with this feeling; but he showed no sign +and this made us uneasy. We waited for him to speak, but he didn't; so, +to assuage our solicitude we had to ask him if there was any defect in +Fischer's good luck. Satan considered the question a moment, then said, +with some hesitation: + +“Well, the fact is, it is a delicate point. Under his several former +possible life-careers he was going to heaven.” + +We were aghast. “Oh, Satan! and under this one--” + +“There, don't be so distressed. You were sincerely trying to do him a +kindness; let that comfort you.” + +“Oh, dear, dear, that cannot comfort us. You ought to have told us what +we were doing, then we wouldn't have acted so.” + +But it made no impression on him. He had never felt a pain or a sorrow, +and did not know what they were, in any really informing way. He had no +knowledge of them except theoretically--that is to say, intellectually. +And of course that is no good. One can never get any but a loose and +ignorant notion of such things except by experience. We tried our best +to make him comprehend the awful thing that had been done and how we +were compromised by it, but he couldn't seem to get hold of it. He said +he did not think it important where Fischer went to; in heaven he would +not be missed, there were “plenty there.” We tried to make him see that +he was missing the point entirely; that Fischer, and not other people, +was the proper one to decide about the importance of it; but it all went +for nothing; he said he did not care for Fischer--there were plenty more +Fischers. + +The next minute Fischer went by on the other side of the way, and it +made us sick and faint to see him, remembering the doom that was upon +him, and we the cause of it. And how unconscious he was that anything +had happened to him! You could see by his elastic step and his alert +manner that he was well satisfied with himself for doing that hard +turn for poor Frau Brandt. He kept glancing back over his shoulder +expectantly. And, sure enough, pretty soon Frau Brandt followed after, +in charge of the officers and wearing jingling chains. A mob was in her +wake, jeering and shouting, “Blasphemer and heretic!” and some among +them were neighbors and friends of her happier days. Some were trying +to strike her, and the officers were not taking as much trouble as they +might to keep them from it. + +“Oh, stop them, Satan!” It was out before we remembered that he +could not interrupt them for a moment without changing their whole +after-lives. He puffed a little puff toward them with his lips and they +began to reel and stagger and grab at the empty air; then they broke +apart and fled in every direction, shrieking, as if in intolerable pain. +He had crushed a rib of each of them with that little puff. We could not +help asking if their life-chart was changed. + +“Yes, entirely. Some have gained years, some have lost them. Some few +will profit in various ways by the change, but only that few.” + +We did not ask if we had brought poor Fischer's luck to any of them. +We did not wish to know. We fully believed in Satan's desire to do us +kindnesses, but we were losing confidence in his judgment. It was at +this time that our growing anxiety to have him look over our life-charts +and suggest improvements began to fade out and give place to other +interests. + +For a day or two the whole village was a chattering turmoil over Frau +Brandt's case and over the mysterious calamity that had overtaken the +mob, and at her trial the place was crowded. She was easily convicted of +her blasphemies, for she uttered those terrible words again and said she +would not take them back. When warned that she was imperiling her life, +she said they could take it in welcome, she did not want it, she would +rather live with the professional devils in perdition than with these +imitators in the village. They accused her of breaking all those ribs +by witchcraft, and asked her if she was not a witch? She answered +scornfully: + +“No. If I had that power would any of you holy hypocrites be alive five +minutes? No; I would strike you all dead. Pronounce your sentence and +let me go; I am tired of your society.” + +So they found her guilty, and she was excommunicated and cut off from +the joys of heaven and doomed to the fires of hell; then she was clothed +in a coarse robe and delivered to the secular arm, and conducted to the +market-place, the bell solemnly tolling the while. We saw her chained to +the stake, and saw the first film of blue smoke rise on the still air. +Then her hard face softened, and she looked upon the packed crowd in +front of her and said, with gentleness: + +“We played together once, in long-agone days when we were innocent +little creatures. For the sake of that, I forgive you.” + +We went away then, and did not see the fires consume her, but we heard +the shrieks, although we put our fingers in our ears. When they ceased +we knew she was in heaven, notwithstanding the excommunication; and we +were glad of her death and not sorry that we had brought it about. + +One day, a little while after this, Satan appeared again. We were always +watching out for him, for life was never very stagnant when he was by. +He came upon us at that place in the woods where we had first met him. +Being boys, we wanted to be entertained; we asked him to do a show for +us. + +“Very well,” he said; “would you like to see a history of the progress +of the human race?--its development of that product which it calls +civilization?” + +We said we should. + +So, with a thought, he turned the place into the Garden of Eden, and we +saw Abel praying by his altar; then Cain came walking toward him with +his club, and did not seem to see us, and would have stepped on my foot +if I had not drawn it in. He spoke to his brother in a language which +we did not understand; then he grew violent and threatening, and we knew +what was going to happen, and turned away our heads for the moment; but +we heard the crash of the blows and heard the shrieks and the groans; +then there was silence, and we saw Abel lying in his blood and gasping +out his life, and Cain standing over him and looking down at him, +vengeful and unrepentant. + +Then the vision vanished, and was followed by a long series of unknown +wars, murders, and massacres. Next we had the Flood, and the Ark tossing +around in the stormy waters, with lofty mountains in the distance +showing veiled and dim through the rain. Satan said: + +“The progress of your race was not satisfactory. It is to have another +chance now.” + +The scene changed, and we saw Noah overcome with wine. + +Next, we had Sodom and Gomorrah, and “the attempt to discover two or +three respectable persons there,” as Satan described it. Next, Lot and +his daughters in the cave. + +Next came the Hebraic wars, and we saw the victors massacre the +survivors and their cattle, and save the young girls alive and +distribute them around. + +Next we had Jael; and saw her slip into the tent and drive the nail into +the temple of her sleeping guest; and we were so close that when the +blood gushed out it trickled in a little, red stream to our feet, and we +could have stained our hands in it if we had wanted to. + +Next we had Egyptian wars, Greek wars, Roman wars, hideous drenchings +of the earth with blood; and we saw the treacheries of the Romans toward +the Carthaginians, and the sickening spectacle of the massacre of +those brave people. Also we saw Caesar invade Britain--“not that those +barbarians had done him any harm, but because he wanted their land, and +desired to confer the blessings of civilization upon their widows and +orphans,” as Satan explained. + +Next, Christianity was born. Then ages of Europe passed in review before +us, and we saw Christianity and Civilization march hand in hand through +those ages, “leaving famine and death and desolation in their wake, and +other signs of the progress of the human race,” as Satan observed. + +And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars--all over +Europe, all over the world. “Sometimes in the private interest of royal +families,” Satan said, “sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a +war started by the aggressor for any clean purpose--there is no such war +in the history of the race.” + +“Now,” said Satan, “you have seen your progress down to the present, and +you must confess that it is wonderful--in its way. We must now exhibit +the future.” + +He showed us slaughters more terrible in their destruction of life, more +devastating in their engines of war, than any we had seen. + +“You perceive,” he said, “that you have made continual progress. Cain +did his murder with a club; the Hebrews did their murders with javelins +and swords; the Greeks and Romans added protective armor and the fine +arts of military organization and generalship; the Christian has added +guns and gunpowder; a few centuries from now he will have so greatly +improved the deadly effectiveness of his weapons of slaughter that +all men will confess that without Christian civilization war must have +remained a poor and trifling thing to the end of time.” + +Then he began to laugh in the most unfeeling way, and make fun of the +human race, although he knew that what he had been saying shamed us and +wounded us. No one but an angel could have acted so; but suffering is +nothing to them; they do not know what it is, except by hearsay. + +More than once Seppi and I had tried in a humble and diffident way to +convert him, and as he had remained silent we had taken his silence as +a sort of encouragement; necessarily, then, this talk of his was a +disappointment to us, for it showed that we had made no deep impression +upon him. The thought made us sad, and we knew then how the missionary +must feel when he has been cherishing a glad hope and has seen it +blighted. We kept our grief to ourselves, knowing that this was not the +time to continue our work. + +Satan laughed his unkind laugh to a finish; then he said: “It is a +remarkable progress. In five or six thousand years five or six high +civilizations have risen, flourished, commanded the wonder of the world, +then faded out and disappeared; and not one of them except the latest +ever invented any sweeping and adequate way to kill people. They all did +their best--to kill being the chiefest ambition of the human race +and the earliest incident in its history--but only the Christian +civilization has scored a triumph to be proud of. Two or three centuries +from now it will be recognized that all the competent killers are +Christians; then the pagan world will go to school to the Christian--not +to acquire his religion, but his guns. The Turk and the Chinaman will +buy those to kill missionaries and converts with.” + +By this time his theater was at work again, and before our eyes nation +after nation drifted by, during two or three centuries, a mighty +procession, an endless procession, raging, struggling, wallowing through +seas of blood, smothered in battle-smoke through which the flags glinted +and the red jets from the cannon darted; and always we heard the thunder +of the guns and the cries of the dying. + +“And what does it amount to?” said Satan, with his evil chuckle. +“Nothing at all. You gain nothing; you always come out where you went +in. For a million years the race has gone on monotonously propagating +itself and monotonously reperforming this dull nonsense--to what end? +No wisdom can guess! Who gets a profit out of it? Nobody but a parcel +of usurping little monarchs and nobilities who despise you; would feel +defiled if you touched them; would shut the door in your face if you +proposed to call; whom you slave for, fight for, die for, and are not +ashamed of it, but proud; whose existence is a perpetual insult to you +and you are afraid to resent it; who are mendicants supported by your +alms, yet assume toward you the airs of benefactor toward beggar; who +address you in the language of master to slave, and are answered in the +language of slave to master; who are worshiped by you with your mouth, +while in your heart--if you have one--you despise yourselves for it. +The first man was a hypocrite and a coward, qualities which have not yet +failed in his line; it is the foundation upon which all civilizations +have been built. Drink to their perpetuation! Drink to their +augmentation! Drink to--” Then he saw by our faces how much we were +hurt, and he cut his sentence short and stopped chuckling, and his +manner changed. He said, gently: “No, we will drink one another's +health, and let civilization go. The wine which has flown to our hands +out of space by desire is earthly, and good enough for that other toast; +but throw away the glasses; we will drink this one in wine which has not +visited this world before.” + +We obeyed, and reached up and received the new cups as they descended. +They were shapely and beautiful goblets, but they were not made of any +material that we were acquainted with. They seemed to be in motion, they +seemed to be alive; and certainly the colors in them were in motion. +They were very brilliant and sparkling, and of every tint, and they were +never still, but flowed to and fro in rich tides which met and broke and +flashed out dainty explosions of enchanting color. I think it was most +like opals washing about in waves and flashing out their splendid fires. +But there is nothing to compare the wine with. We drank it, and felt a +strange and witching ecstasy as of heaven go stealing through us, and +Seppi's eyes filled and he said worshipingly: + +“We shall be there some day, and then--” + +He glanced furtively at Satan, and I think he hoped Satan would say, +“Yes, you will be there some day,” but Satan seemed to be thinking about +something else, and said nothing. This made me feel ghastly, for I knew +he had heard; nothing, spoken or unspoken, ever escaped him. Poor Seppi +looked distressed, and did not finish his remark. The goblets rose +and clove their way into the sky, a triplet of radiant sundogs, and +disappeared. Why didn't they stay? It seemed a bad sign, and depressed +me. Should I ever see mine again? Would Seppi ever see his? + + +Chapter 9 + +It was wonderful, the mastery Satan had over time and distance. For him +they did not exist. He called them human inventions, and said they were +artificialities. We often went to the most distant parts of the globe +with him, and stayed weeks and months, and yet were gone only a fraction +of a second, as a rule. You could prove it by the clock. One day when +our people were in such awful distress because the witch commission were +afraid to proceed against the astrologer and Father Peter's household, +or against any, indeed, but the poor and the friendless, they lost +patience and took to witch-hunting on their own score, and began to +chase a born lady who was known to have the habit of curing people by +devilish arts, such as bathing them, washing them, and nourishing them +instead of bleeding them and purging them through the ministrations of a +barber-surgeon in the proper way. She came flying down, with the howling +and cursing mob after her, and tried to take refuge in houses, but the +doors were shut in her face. They chased her more than half an hour, we +following to see it, and at last she was exhausted and fell, and they +caught her. They dragged her to a tree and threw a rope over the limb, +and began to make a noose in it, some holding her, meantime, and she +crying and begging, and her young daughter looking on and weeping, but +afraid to say or do anything. + +They hanged the lady, and I threw a stone at her, although in my heart +I was sorry for her; but all were throwing stones and each was watching +his neighbor, and if I had not done as the others did it would have been +noticed and spoken of. Satan burst out laughing. + +All that were near by turned upon him, astonished and not pleased. +It was an ill time to laugh, for his free and scoffing ways and his +supernatural music had brought him under suspicion all over the town and +turned many privately against him. The big blacksmith called attention +to him now, raising his voice so that all should hear, and said: + +“What are you laughing at? Answer! Moreover, please explain to the +company why you threw no stone.” + +“Are you sure I did not throw a stone?” + +“Yes. You needn't try to get out of it; I had my eye on you.” + +“And I--I noticed you!” shouted two others. + +“Three witnesses,” said Satan: “Mueller, the blacksmith; Klein, the +butcher's man; Pfeiffer, the weaver's journeyman. Three very ordinary +liars. Are there any more?” + +“Never mind whether there are others or not, and never mind about what +you consider us--three's enough to settle your matter for you. You'll +prove that you threw a stone, or it shall go hard with you.” + +“That's so!” shouted the crowd, and surged up as closely as they could +to the center of interest. + +“And first you will answer that other question,” cried the blacksmith, +pleased with himself for being mouthpiece to the public and hero of the +occasion. “What are you laughing at?” + +Satan smiled and answered, pleasantly: “To see three cowards stoning a +dying lady when they were so near death themselves.” + +You could see the superstitious crowd shrink and catch their breath, +under the sudden shock. The blacksmith, with a show of bravado, said: + +“Pooh! What do you know about it?” + +“I? Everything. By profession I am a fortune-teller, and I read the +hands of you three--and some others--when you lifted them to stone +the woman. One of you will die to-morrow week; another of you will die +to-night; the third has but five minutes to live--and yonder is the +clock!” + +It made a sensation. The faces of the crowd blanched, and turned +mechanically toward the clock. The butcher and the weaver seemed smitten +with an illness, but the blacksmith braced up and said, with spirit: + +“It is not long to wait for prediction number one. If it fails, young +master, you will not live a whole minute after, I promise you that.” + +No one said anything; all watched the clock in a deep stillness which +was impressive. When four and a half minutes were gone the blacksmith +gave a sudden gasp and clapped his hands upon his heart, saying, “Give +me breath! Give me room!” and began to sink down. The crowd surged back, +no one offering to support him, and he fell lumbering to the ground and +was dead. The people stared at him, then at Satan, then at one another; +and their lips moved, but no words came. Then Satan said: + +“Three saw that I threw no stone. Perhaps there are others; let them +speak.” + +It struck a kind of panic into them, and, although no one answered him, +many began to violently accuse one another, saying, “You said he didn't +throw,” and getting for reply, “It is a lie, and I will make you eat +it!” And so in a moment they were in a raging and noisy turmoil, +and beating and banging one another; and in the midst was the only +indifferent one--the dead lady hanging from her rope, her troubles +forgotten, her spirit at peace. + +So we walked away, and I was not at ease, but was saying to myself, “He +told them he was laughing at them, but it was a lie--he was laughing at +me.” + +That made him laugh again, and he said, “Yes, I was laughing at you, +because, in fear of what others might report about you, you stoned the +woman when your heart revolted at the act--but I was laughing at the +others, too.” + +“Why?” + +“Because their case was yours.” + +“How is that?” + +“Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no +more desire to throw a stone than you had.” + +“Satan!” + +“Oh, it's true. I know your race. It is made up of sheep. It is governed +by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings +and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. +Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong; but no matter, +the crowd follows it. The vast majority of the race, whether savage or +civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, +but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't +dare to assert themselves. Think of it! One kind-hearted creature spies +upon another, and sees to it that he loyally helps in iniquities which +revolt both of them. Speaking as an expert, I know that ninety-nine out +of a hundred of your race were strongly against the killing of witches +when that foolishness was first agitated by a handful of pious lunatics +in the long ago. And I know that even to-day, after ages of transmitted +prejudice and silly teaching, only one person in twenty puts any real +heart into the harrying of a witch. And yet apparently everybody hates +witches and wants them killed. Some day a handful will rise up on the +other side and make the most noise--perhaps even a single daring man +with a big voice and a determined front will do it--and in a week all +the sheep will wheel and follow him, and witch-hunting will come to a +sudden end. + +“Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions are all based upon that large +defect in your race--the individual's distrust of his neighbor, and his +desire, for safety's or comfort's sake, to stand well in his neighbor's +eye. These institutions will always remain, and always flourish, and +always oppress you, affront you, and degrade you, because you will +always be and remain slaves of minorities. There was never a country +where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to +any of these institutions.” + +I did not like to hear our race called sheep, and said I did not think +they were. + +“Still, it is true, lamb,” said Satan. “Look at you in war--what mutton +you are, and how ridiculous!” + +“In war? How?” + +“There has never been a just one, never an honorable one--on the part +of the instigator of the war. I can see a million years ahead, and this +rule will never change in so many as half a dozen instances. The +loud little handful--as usual--will shout for the war. The pulpit +will--warily and cautiously--object--at first; the great, big, dull bulk +of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out why there +should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, “It is unjust +and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it.” Then the handful +will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and +reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a +hearing and be applauded; but it will not last long; those others will +outshout them, and presently the anti-war audiences will thin out +and lose popularity. Before long you will see this curious thing: the +speakers stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes +of furious men who in their secret hearts are still at one with those +stoned speakers--as earlier--but do not dare to say so. And now the +whole nation--pulpit and all--will take up the war-cry, and shout itself +hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and +presently such mouths will cease to open. Next the statesmen will invent +cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and +every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will +diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; +and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and +will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of +grotesque self-deception.” + + +Chapter 10 + +Days and days went by now, and no Satan. It was dull without him. But +the astrologer, who had returned from his excursion to the moon, went +about the village, braving public opinion, and getting a stone in the +middle of his back now and then when some witch-hater got a safe chance +to throw it and dodge out of sight. Meantime two influences had been +working well for Marget. That Satan, who was quite indifferent to her, +had stopped going to her house after a visit or two had hurt her pride, +and she had set herself the task of banishing him from her heart. +Reports of Wilhelm Meidling's dissipation brought to her from time to +time by old Ursula had touched her with remorse, jealousy of Satan +being the cause of it; and so now, these two matters working upon her +together, she was getting a good profit out of the combination--her +interest in Satan was steadily cooling, her interest in Wilhelm as +steadily warming. All that was needed to complete her conversion +was that Wilhelm should brace up and do something that should cause +favorable talk and incline the public toward him again. + +The opportunity came now. Marget sent and asked him to defend her +uncle in the approaching trial, and he was greatly pleased, and stopped +drinking and began his preparations with diligence. With more diligence +than hope, in fact, for it was not a promising case. He had many +interviews in his office with Seppi and me, and threshed out our +testimony pretty thoroughly, thinking to find some valuable grains among +the chaff, but the harvest was poor, of course. + +If Satan would only come! That was my constant thought. He could +invent some way to win the case; for he had said it would be won, so +he necessarily knew how it could be done. But the days dragged on, and +still he did not come. Of course I did not doubt that it would be won, +and that Father Peter would be happy for the rest of his life, since +Satan had said so; yet I knew I should be much more comfortable if he +would come and tell us how to manage it. It was getting high time for +Father Peter to have a saving change toward happiness, for by general +report he was worn out with his imprisonment and the ignominy that was +burdening him, and was like to die of his miseries unless he got relief +soon. + +At last the trial came on, and the people gathered from all around to +witness it; among them many strangers from considerable distances. Yes, +everybody was there except the accused. He was too feeble in body for +the strain. But Marget was present, and keeping up her hope and her +spirit the best she could. The money was present, too. It was emptied +on the table, and was handled and caressed and examined by such as were +privileged. + +The astrologer was put in the witness-box. He had on his best hat and +robe for the occasion. + +QUESTION. You claim that this money is yours? + +ANSWER. I do. + +Q. How did you come by it? + +A. I found the bag in the road when I was returning from a journey. + +Q. When? + +A. More than two years ago. + +Q. What did you do with it? + +A. I brought it home and hid it in a secret place in my observatory, +intending to find the owner if I could. + +Q. You endeavored to find him? + +A. I made diligent inquiry during several months, but nothing came of +it. + +Q. And then? + +A. I thought it not worth while to look further, and was minded to use +the money in finishing the wing of the foundling-asylum connected with +the priory and nunnery. So I took it out of its hiding-place and counted +it to see if any of it was missing. And then-- + +Q. Why do you stop? Proceed. + +A. I am sorry to have to say this, but just as I had finished and was +restoring the bag to its place, I looked up and there stood Father Peter +behind me. + +Several murmured, “That looks bad,” but others answered, “Ah, but he is +such a liar!” + +Q. That made you uneasy? + +A. No; I thought nothing of it at the time, for Father Peter often came +to me unannounced to ask for a little help in his need. + +Marget blushed crimson at hearing her uncle falsely and impudently +charged with begging, especially from one he had always denounced as a +fraud, and was going to speak, but remembered herself in time and held +her peace. + +Q. Proceed. + +A. In the end I was afraid to contribute the money to the +foundling-asylum, but elected to wait yet another year and continue +my inquiries. When I heard of Father Peter's find I was glad, and no +suspicion entered my mind; when I came home a day or two later and +discovered that my own money was gone I still did not suspect until +three circumstances connected with Father Peter's good fortune struck me +as being singular coincidences. + +Q. Pray name them. + +A. Father Peter had found his money in a path--I had found mine in a +road. Father Peter's find consisted exclusively of gold ducats--mine +also. Father Peter found eleven hundred and seven ducats--I exactly the +same. + +This closed his evidence, and certainly it made a strong impression on +the house; one could see that. + +Wilhelm Meidling asked him some questions, then called us boys, and we +told our tale. It made the people laugh, and we were ashamed. We were +feeling pretty badly, anyhow, because Wilhelm was hopeless, and showed +it. He was doing as well as he could, poor young fellow, but nothing was +in his favor, and such sympathy as there was was now plainly not with +his client. It might be difficult for court and people to believe +the astrologer's story, considering his character, but it was almost +impossible to believe Father Peter's. We were already feeling badly +enough, but when the astrologer's lawyer said he believed he would not +ask us any questions--for our story was a little delicate and it would +be cruel for him to put any strain upon it--everybody tittered, and +it was almost more than we could bear. Then he made a sarcastic little +speech, and got so much fun out of our tale, and it seemed so ridiculous +and childish and every way impossible and foolish, that it made +everybody laugh till the tears came; and at last Marget could not keep +up her courage any longer, but broke down and cried, and I was so sorry +for her. + +Now I noticed something that braced me up. It was Satan standing +alongside of Wilhelm! And there was such a contrast!--Satan looked so +confident, had such a spirit in his eyes and face, and Wilhelm looked so +depressed and despondent. We two were comfortable now, and judged that +he would testify and persuade the bench and the people that black was +white and white black, or any other color he wanted it. We glanced +around to see what the strangers in the house thought of him, for he was +beautiful, you know--stunning, in fact--but no one was noticing him; so +we knew by that that he was invisible. + +The lawyer was saying his last words; and while he was saying them Satan +began to melt into Wilhelm. He melted into him and disappeared; and then +there was a change, when his spirit began to look out of Wilhelm's eyes. + +That lawyer finished quite seriously, and with dignity. He pointed to +the money, and said: + +“The love of it is the root of all evil. There it lies, the ancient +tempter, newly red with the shame of its latest victory--the dishonor of +a priest of God and his two poor juvenile helpers in crime. If it could +but speak, let us hope that it would be constrained to confess that of +all its conquests this was the basest and the most pathetic.” + +He sat down. Wilhelm rose and said: + +“From the testimony of the accuser I gather that he found this money +in a road more than two years ago. Correct me, sir, if I misunderstood +you.” + +The astrologer said his understanding of it was correct. + +“And the money so found was never out of his hands thenceforth up to a +certain definite date--the last day of last year. Correct me, sir, if I +am wrong.” + +The astrologer nodded his head. Wilhelm turned to the bench and said: + +“If I prove that this money here was not that money, then it is not +his?” + +“Certainly not; but this is irregular. If you had such a witness it was +your duty to give proper notice of it and have him here to--” He broke +off and began to consult with the other judges. Meantime that other +lawyer got up excited and began to protest against allowing new +witnesses to be brought into the case at this late stage. + +The judges decided that his contention was just and must be allowed. + +“But this is not a new witness,” said Wilhelm. “It has already been +partly examined. I speak of the coin.” + +“The coin? What can the coin say?” + +“It can say it is not the coin that the astrologer once possessed. It +can say it was not in existence last December. By its date it can say +this.” + +And it was so! There was the greatest excitement in the court while that +lawyer and the judges were reaching for coins and examining them and +exclaiming. And everybody was full of admiration of Wilhelm's brightness +in happening to think of that neat idea. At last order was called and +the court said: + +“All of the coins but four are of the date of the present year. The +court tenders its sincere sympathy to the accused, and its deep regret +that he, an innocent man, through an unfortunate mistake, has suffered +the undeserved humiliation of imprisonment and trial. The case is +dismissed.” + +So the money could speak, after all, though that lawyer thought it +couldn't. The court rose, and almost everybody came forward to shake +hands with Marget and congratulate her, and then to shake with Wilhelm +and praise him; and Satan had stepped out of Wilhelm and was standing +around looking on full of interest, and people walking through him every +which way, not knowing he was there. And Wilhelm could not explain why +he only thought of the date on the coins at the last moment, instead +of earlier; he said it just occurred to him, all of a sudden, like an +inspiration, and he brought it right out without any hesitation, for, +although he didn't examine the coins, he seemed, somehow, to know it was +true. That was honest of him, and like him; another would have pretended +he had thought of it earlier, and was keeping it back for a surprise. + +He had dulled down a little now; not much, but still you could notice +that he hadn't that luminous look in his eyes that he had while Satan +was in him. He nearly got it back, though, for a moment when Marget came +and praised him and thanked him and couldn't keep him from seeing how +proud she was of him. The astrologer went off dissatisfied and cursing, +and Solomon Isaacs gathered up the money and carried it away. It was +Father Peter's for good and all, now. + +Satan was gone. I judged that he had spirited himself away to the jail +to tell the prisoner the news; and in this I was right. Marget and +the rest of us hurried thither at our best speed, in a great state of +rejoicing. + +Well, what Satan had done was this: he had appeared before that +poor prisoner, exclaiming, “The trial is over, and you stand forever +disgraced as a thief--by verdict of the court!” + +The shock unseated the old man's reason. When we arrived, ten minutes +later, he was parading pompously up and down and delivering commands to +this and that and the other constable or jailer, and calling them Grand +chamberlain, and Prince This and Prince That, and Admiral of the Fleet, +Field Marshal in Command, and all such fustian, and was as happy as a +bird. He thought he was Emperor! + +Marget flung herself on his breast and cried, and indeed everybody +was moved almost to heartbreak. He recognized Marget, but could not +understand why she should cry. He patted her on the shoulder and said: + +“Don't do it, dear; remember, there are witnesses, and it is not +becoming in the Crown Princess. Tell me your trouble--it shall be +mended; there is nothing the Emperor cannot do.” Then he looked around +and saw old Ursula with her apron to her eyes. He was puzzled at that, +and said, “And what is the matter with you?” + +Through her sobs she got out words explaining that she was distressed to +see him--“so.” He reflected over that a moment, then muttered, as if to +himself: “A singular old thing, the Dowager Duchess--means well, but is +always snuffling and never able to tell what it is about. It is because +she doesn't know.” His eyes fell on Wilhelm. “Prince of India,” he said, +“I divine that it is you that the Crown Princess is concerned about. +Her tears shall be dried; I will no longer stand between you; she shall +share your throne; and between you you shall inherit mine. There, little +lady, have I done well? You can smile now--isn't it so?” + +He petted Marget and kissed her, and was so contented with himself and +with everybody that he could not do enough for us all, but began to give +away kingdoms and such things right and left, and the least that any of +us got was a principality. And so at last, being persuaded to go home, +he marched in imposing state; and when the crowds along the way saw how +it gratified him to be hurrahed at, they humored him to the top of his +desire, and he responded with condescending bows and gracious smiles, +and often stretched out a hand and said, “Bless you, my people!” + +As pitiful a sight as ever I saw. And Marget, and old Ursula crying all +the way. + +On my road home I came upon Satan, and reproached him with deceiving +me with that lie. He was not embarrassed, but said, quite simply and +composedly: + +“Ah, you mistake; it was the truth. I said he would be happy the rest of +his days, and he will, for he will always think he is the Emperor, and +his pride in it and his joy in it will endure to the end. He is now, and +will remain, the one utterly happy person in this empire.” + +“But the method of it, Satan, the method! Couldn't you have done it +without depriving him of his reason?” + +It was difficult to irritate Satan, but that accomplished it. + +“What an ass you are!” he said. “Are you so unobservant as not to have +found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination? +No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a +fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those. +The few that imagine themselves kings or gods are happy, the rest are no +happier than the sane. Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind +at any time, but I have been referring to the extreme cases. I have +taken from this man that trumpery thing which the race regards as a +Mind; I have replaced his tin life with a silver-gilt fiction; you +see the result--and you criticize! I said I would make him permanently +happy, and I have done it. I have made him happy by the only means +possible to his race--and you are not satisfied!” He heaved a +discouraged sigh, and said, “It seems to me that this race is hard to +please.” + +There it was, you see. He didn't seem to know any way to do a person +a favor except by killing him or making a lunatic out of him. I +apologized, as well as I could; but privately I did not think much of +his processes--at that time. + +Satan was accustomed to say that our race lived a life of continuous and +uninterrupted self-deception. It duped itself from cradle to grave with +shams and delusions which it mistook for realities, and this made its +entire life a sham. Of the score of fine qualities which it imagined it +had and was vain of, it really possessed hardly one. It regarded +itself as gold, and was only brass. One day when he was in this vein +he mentioned a detail--the sense of humor. I cheered up then, and took +issue. I said we possessed it. + +“There spoke the race!” he said; “always ready to claim what it hasn't +got, and mistake its ounce of brass filings for a ton of gold-dust. You +have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you +possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade +and trivial things--broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, +absurdities, evokers of the horse-laugh. The ten thousand high-grade +comicalities which exist in the world are sealed from their dull +vision. Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these +juvenilities and laugh at them--and by laughing at them destroy them? +For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really +effective weapon--laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, +persecution--these can lift at a colossal humbug--push it a +little--weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can +blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter +nothing can stand. You are always fussing and fighting with your other +weapons. Do you ever use that one? No; you leave it lying rusting. As a +race, do you ever use it at all? No; you lack sense and the courage.” + +We were traveling at the time and stopped at a little city in India and +looked on while a juggler did his tricks before a group of natives. They +were wonderful, but I knew Satan could beat that game, and I begged him +to show off a little, and he said he would. He changed himself into a +native in turban and breech-cloth, and very considerately conferred on +me a temporary knowledge of the language. + +The juggler exhibited a seed, covered it with earth in a small +flower-pot, then put a rag over the pot; after a minute the rag began to +rise; in ten minutes it had risen a foot; then the rag was removed and a +little tree was exposed, with leaves upon it and ripe fruit. We ate the +fruit, and it was good. But Satan said: + +“Why do you cover the pot? Can't you grow the tree in the sunlight?” + +“No,” said the juggler; “no one can do that.” + +“You are only an apprentice; you don't know your trade. Give me the +seed. I will show you.” He took the seed and said, “What shall I raise +from it?” + +“It is a cherry seed; of course you will raise a cherry.” + +“Oh no; that is a trifle; any novice can do that. Shall I raise an +orange-tree from it?” + +“Oh yes!” and the juggler laughed. + +“And shall I make it bear other fruits as well as oranges?” + +“If God wills!” and they all laughed. + +Satan put the seed in the ground, put a handful of dust on it, and said, +“Rise!” + +A tiny stem shot up and began to grow, and grew so fast that in five +minutes it was a great tree, and we were sitting in the shade of it. +There was a murmur of wonder, then all looked up and saw a strange and +pretty sight, for the branches were heavy with fruits of many kinds and +colors--oranges, grapes, bananas, peaches, cherries, apricots, and so +on. Baskets were brought, and the unlading of the tree began; and +the people crowded around Satan and kissed his hand, and praised him, +calling him the prince of jugglers. The news went about the town, and +everybody came running to see the wonder--and they remembered to bring +baskets, too. But the tree was equal to the occasion; it put out new +fruits as fast as any were removed; baskets were filled by the score and +by the hundred, but always the supply remained undiminished. At last a +foreigner in white linen and sun-helmet arrived, and exclaimed, angrily: + +“Away from here! Clear out, you dogs; the tree is on my lands and is my +property.” + +The natives put down their baskets and made humble obeisance. Satan made +humble obeisance, too, with his fingers to his forehead, in the native +way, and said: + +“Please let them have their pleasure for an hour, sir--only that, and +no longer. Afterward you may forbid them; and you will still have more +fruit than you and the state together can consume in a year.” + +This made the foreigner very angry, and he cried out, “Who are you, you +vagabond, to tell your betters what they may do and what they mayn't!” + and he struck Satan with his cane and followed this error with a kick. + +The fruits rotted on the branches, and the leaves withered and fell. The +foreigner gazed at the bare limbs with the look of one who is surprised, +and not gratified. Satan said: + +“Take good care of the tree, for its health and yours are bound +together. It will never bear again, but if you tend it well it will live +long. Water its roots once in each hour every night--and do it yourself; +it must not be done by proxy, and to do it in daylight will not answer. +If you fail only once in any night, the tree will die, and you likewise. +Do not go home to your own country any more--you would not reach there; +make no business or pleasure engagements which require you to go outside +your gate at night--you cannot afford the risk; do not rent or sell this +place--it would be injudicious.” + +The foreigner was proud and wouldn't beg, but I thought he looked as if +he would like to. While he stood gazing at Satan we vanished away and +landed in Ceylon. + +I was sorry for that man; sorry Satan hadn't been his customary self +and killed him or made him a lunatic. It would have been a mercy. Satan +overheard the thought, and said: + +“I would have done it but for his wife, who has not offended me. She is +coming to him presently from their native land, Portugal. She is well, +but has not long to live, and has been yearning to see him and persuade +him to go back with her next year. She will die without knowing he can't +leave that place.” + +“He won't tell her?” + +“He? He will not trust that secret with any one; he will reflect that +it could be revealed in sleep, in the hearing of some Portuguese guest's +servant some time or other.” + +“Did none of those natives understand what you said to him?” + +“None of them understood, but he will always be afraid that some of them +did. That fear will be torture to him, for he has been a harsh master +to them. In his dreams he will imagine them chopping his tree down. +That will make his days uncomfortable--I have already arranged for his +nights.” + +It grieved me, though not sharply, to see him take such a malicious +satisfaction in his plans for this foreigner. + +“Does he believe what you told him, Satan?” + +“He thought he didn't, but our vanishing helped. The tree, where there +had been no tree before--that helped. The insane and uncanny variety of +fruits--the sudden withering--all these things are helps. Let him think +as he may, reason as he may, one thing is certain, he will water the +tree. But between this and night he will begin his changed career with a +very natural precaution--for him.” + +“What is that?” + +“He will fetch a priest to cast out the tree's devil. You are such a +humorous race--and don't suspect it.” + +“Will he tell the priest?” + +“No. He will say a juggler from Bombay created it, and that he wants the +juggler's devil driven out of it, so that it will thrive and be fruitful +again. The priest's incantations will fail; then the Portuguese will +give up that scheme and get his watering-pot ready.” + +“But the priest will burn the tree. I know it; he will not allow it to +remain.” + +“Yes, and anywhere in Europe he would burn the man, too. But in India +the people are civilized, and these things will not happen. The man will +drive the priest away and take care of the tree.” + +I reflected a little, then said, “Satan, you have given him a hard life, +I think.” + +“Comparatively. It must not be mistaken for a holiday.” + +We flitted from place to place around the world as we had done before, +Satan showing me a hundred wonders, most of them reflecting in some +way the weakness and triviality of our race. He did this now every few +days--not out of malice--I am sure of that--it only seemed to amuse and +interest him, just as a naturalist might be amused and interested by a +collection of ants. + + +Chapter 11 + +For as much as a year Satan continued these visits, but at last he came +less often, and then for a long time he did not come at all. This always +made me lonely and melancholy. I felt that he was losing interest in our +tiny world and might at any time abandon his visits entirely. When one +day he finally came to me I was overjoyed, but only for a little while. +He had come to say good-by, he told me, and for the last time. He had +investigations and undertakings in other corners of the universe, he +said, that would keep him busy for a longer period than I could wait for +his return. + +“And you are going away, and will not come back any more?” + +“Yes,” he said. “We have comraded long together, and it has been +pleasant--pleasant for both; but I must go now, and we shall not see +each other any more.” + +“In this life, Satan, but in another? We shall meet in another, surely?” + +Then, all tranquilly and soberly, he made the strange answer, “There is +no other.” + +A subtle influence blew upon my spirit from his, bringing with it a +vague, dim, but blessed and hopeful feeling that the incredible words +might be true--even must be true. + +“Have you never suspected this, Theodor?” + +“No. How could I? But if it can only be true--” + +“It is true.” + +A gust of thankfulness rose in my breast, but a doubt checked it before +it could issue in words, and I said, “But--but--we have seen that future +life--seen it in its actuality, and so--” + +“It was a vision--it had no existence.” + +I could hardly breathe for the great hope that was struggling in me. “A +vision?--a vi--” + +“Life itself is only a vision, a dream.” + +It was electrical. By God! I had had that very thought a thousand times +in my musings! + +“Nothing exists; all is a dream. God--man--the world--the sun, the moon, +the wilderness of stars--a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. +Nothing exists save empty space--and you!” + +“I!” + +“And you are not you--you have no body, no blood, no bones, you are but +a thought. I myself have no existence; I am but a dream--your dream, +creature of your imagination. In a moment you will have realized this, +then you will banish me from your visions and I shall dissolve into the +nothingness out of which you made me.... + +“I am perishing already--I am failing--I am passing away. In a little +while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless +solitudes without friend or comrade forever--for you will remain a +thought, the only existent thought, and by your nature inextinguishable, +indestructible. But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself +and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better! + +“Strange! that you should not have suspected years ago--centuries, +ages, eons, ago!--for you have existed, companionless, through all the +eternities. Strange, indeed, that you should not have suspected that +your universe and its contents were only dreams, visions, fiction! +Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane--like +all dreams: a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet +preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, +yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter +life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness +unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his +angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting +miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and +invented hell--mouths mercy and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules, and +forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who +mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon +crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then +tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of +honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with +altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship +him!... + +“You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a +dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly +creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks--in a +word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks +are all present; you should have recognized them earlier. + +“It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no +universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all +a dream--a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And +you are but a thought--a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless +thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!” + +He vanished, and left me appalled; for I knew, and realized, that all he +had said was true. + + + + + +A FABLE + +Once upon a time an artist who had painted a small and very beautiful +picture placed it so that he could see it in the mirror. He said, “This +doubles the distance and softens it, and it is twice as lovely as it was +before.” + +The animals out in the woods heard of this through the housecat, who was +greatly admired by them because he was so learned, and so refined and +civilized, and so polite and high-bred, and could tell them so much +which they didn't know before, and were not certain about afterward. +They were much excited about this new piece of gossip, and they asked +questions, so as to get at a full understanding of it. They asked what a +picture was, and the cat explained. + +“It is a flat thing,” he said; “wonderfully flat, marvelously flat, +enchantingly flat and elegant. And, oh, so beautiful!” + +That excited them almost to a frenzy, and they said they would give the +world to see it. Then the bear asked: + +“What is it that makes it so beautiful?” + +“It is the looks of it,” said the cat. + +This filled them with admiration and uncertainty, and they were more +excited than ever. Then the cow asked: + +“What is a mirror?” + +“It is a hole in the wall,” said the cat. “You look in it, and there +you see the picture, and it is so dainty and charming and ethereal and +inspiring in its unimaginable beauty that your head turns round and +round, and you almost swoon with ecstasy.” + +The ass had not said anything as yet; he now began to throw doubts. +He said there had never been anything as beautiful as this before, and +probably wasn't now. He said that when it took a whole basketful of +sesquipedalian adjectives to whoop up a thing of beauty, it was time for +suspicion. + +It was easy to see that these doubts were having an effect upon the +animals, so the cat went off offended. The subject was dropped for a +couple of days, but in the meantime curiosity was taking a fresh start, +and there was a revival of interest perceptible. Then the animals +assailed the ass for spoiling what could possibly have been a pleasure +to them, on a mere suspicion that the picture was not beautiful, without +any evidence that such was the case. The ass was not troubled; he +was calm, and said there was one way to find out who was in the right, +himself or the cat: he would go and look in that hole, and come back and +tell what he found there. The animals felt relieved and grateful, and +asked him to go at once--which he did. + +But he did not know where he ought to stand; and so, through error, +he stood between the picture and the mirror. The result was that the +picture had no chance, and didn't show up. He returned home and said: + +“The cat lied. There was nothing in that hole but an ass. There wasn't +a sign of a flat thing visible. It was a handsome ass, and friendly, but +just an ass, and nothing more.” + +The elephant asked: + +“Did you see it good and clear? Were you close to it?” + +“I saw it good and clear, O Hathi, King of Beasts. I was so close that I +touched noses with it.” + +“This is very strange,” said the elephant; “the cat was always truthful +before--as far as we could make out. Let another witness try. Go, Baloo, +look in the hole, and come and report.” + +So the bear went. When he came back, he said: + +“Both the cat and the ass have lied; there was nothing in the hole but a +bear.” + +Great was the surprise and puzzlement of the animals. Each was now +anxious to make the test himself and get at the straight truth. The +elephant sent them one at a time. + +First, the cow. She found nothing in the hole but a cow. + +The tiger found nothing in it but a tiger. + +The lion found nothing in it but a lion. + +The leopard found nothing in it but a leopard. + +The camel found a camel, and nothing more. + +Then Hathi was wroth, and said he would have the truth, if he had to go +and fetch it himself. When he returned, he abused his whole subjectry +for liars, and was in an unappeasable fury with the moral and mental +blindness of the cat. He said that anybody but a near-sighted fool could +see that there was nothing in the hole but an elephant. + + MORAL, BY THE CAT + +You can find in a text whatever you bring, if you will stand between it +and the mirror of your imagination. You may not see your ears, but they +will be there. + + + + + + +HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY + +When I was a boy my uncle and his big boys hunted with the rifle, the +youngest boy Fred and I with a shotgun--a small single-barrelled shotgun +which was properly suited to our size and strength; it was not much +heavier than a broom. We carried it turn about, half an hour at a time. +I was not able to hit anything with it, but I liked to try. Fred and +I hunted feathered small game, the others hunted deer, squirrels, wild +turkeys, and such things. My uncle and the big boys were good shots. +They killed hawks and wild geese and such like on the wing; and they +didn't wound or kill squirrels, they stunned them. When the dogs treed +a squirrel, the squirrel would scamper aloft and run out on a limb +and flatten himself along it, hoping to make himself invisible in +that way--and not quite succeeding. You could see his wee little ears +sticking up. You couldn't see his nose, but you knew where it was. Then +the hunter, despising a “rest” for his rifle, stood up and took +offhand aim at the limb and sent a bullet into it immediately under +the squirrel's nose, and down tumbled the animal, unwounded, but +unconscious; the dogs gave him a shake and he was dead. Sometimes when +the distance was great and the wind not accurately allowed for, the +bullet would hit the squirrel's head; the dogs could do as they pleased +with that one--the hunter's pride was hurt, and he wouldn't allow it to +go into the gamebag. + +In the first faint gray of the dawn the stately wild turkeys would be +stalking around in great flocks, and ready to be sociable and answer +invitations to come and converse with other excursionists of their kind. +The hunter concealed himself and imitated the turkey-call by sucking +the air through the leg-bone of a turkey which had previously answered +a call like that and lived only just long enough to regret it. There is +nothing that furnishes a perfect turkey-call except that bone. Another +of Nature's treacheries, you see. She is full of them; half the time she +doesn't know which she likes best--to betray her child or protect it. +In the case of the turkey she is badly mixed: she gives it a bone to be +used in getting it into trouble, and she also furnishes it with a trick +for getting itself out of the trouble again. When a mamma-turkey answers +an invitation and finds she has made a mistake in accepting it, she does +as the mamma-partridge does--remembers a previous engagement--and goes +limping and scrambling away, pretending to be very lame; and at the same +time she is saying to her not-visible children, “Lie low, keep still, +don't expose yourselves; I shall be back as soon as I have beguiled this +shabby swindler out of the country.” + +When a person is ignorant and confiding, this immoral device can +have tiresome results. I followed an ostensibly lame turkey over a +considerable part of the United States one morning, because I believed +in her and could not think she would deceive a mere boy, and one who +was trusting her and considering her honest. I had the single-barrelled +shotgun, but my idea was to catch her alive. I often got within rushing +distance of her, and then made my rush; but always, just as I made my +final plunge and put my hand down where her back had been, it wasn't +there; it was only two or three inches from there and I brushed the +tail-feathers as I landed on my stomach--a very close call, but still +not quite close enough; that is, not close enough for success, but just +close enough to convince me that I could do it next time. She always +waited for me, a little piece away, and let on to be resting and greatly +fatigued; which was a lie, but I believed it, for I still thought her +honest long after I ought to have begun to doubt her, suspecting that +this was no way for a high-minded bird to be acting. I followed, and +followed, and followed, making my periodical rushes, and getting up and +brushing the dust off, and resuming the voyage with patient confidence; +indeed, with a confidence which grew, for I could see by the change of +climate and vegetation that we were getting up into the high latitudes, +and as she always looked a little tireder and a little more discouraged +after each rush, I judged that I was safe to win, in the end, the +competition being purely a matter of staying power and the advantage +lying with me from the start because she was lame. + +Along in the afternoon I began to feel fatigued myself. Neither of us +had had any rest since we first started on the excursion, which was +upwards of ten hours before, though latterly we had paused awhile after +rushes, I letting on to be thinking about something else; but neither of +us sincere, and both of us waiting for the other to call game but in no +real hurry about it, for indeed those little evanescent snatches of rest +were very grateful to the feelings of us both; it would naturally be +so, skirmishing along like that ever since dawn and not a bite in the +meantime; at least for me, though sometimes as she lay on her side +fanning herself with a wing and praying for strength to get out of this +difficulty a grasshopper happened along whose time had come, and that +was well for her, and fortunate, but I had nothing--nothing the whole +day. + +More than once, after I was very tired, I gave up taking her alive, and +was going to shoot her, but I never did it, although it was my right, +for I did not believe I could hit her; and besides, she always stopped +and posed, when I raised the gun, and this made me suspicious that +she knew about me and my marksmanship, and so I did not care to expose +myself to remarks. + +I did not get her, at all. When she got tired of the game at last, she +rose from almost under my hand and flew aloft with the rush and whir +of a shell and lit on the highest limb of a great tree and sat down and +crossed her legs and smiled down at me, and seemed gratified to see me +so astonished. + +I was ashamed, and also lost; and it was while wandering the woods +hunting for myself that I found a deserted log cabin and had one of +the best meals there that in my life-days I have eaten. The weed-grown +garden was full of ripe tomatoes, and I ate them ravenously, though I +had never liked them before. Not more than two or three times since have +I tasted anything that was so delicious as those tomatoes. I surfeited +myself with them, and did not taste another one until I was in middle +life. I can eat them now, but I do not like the look of them. I suppose +we have all experienced a surfeit at one time or another. Once, in +stress of circumstances, I ate part of a barrel of sardines, there being +nothing else at hand, but since then I have always been able to get +along without sardines. + + + + + + +THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM + +The conversation drifted smoothly and pleasantly along from weather +to crops, from crops to literature, from literature to scandal, from +scandal to religion; then took a random jump, and landed on the subject +of burglar alarms. And now for the first time Mr. McWilliams showed +feeling. Whenever I perceive this sign on this man's dial, I comprehend +it, and lapse into silence, and give him opportunity to unload his +heart. Said he, with but ill-controlled emotion: + +“I do not go one single cent on burglar alarms, Mr. Twain--not a single +cent--and I will tell you why. When we were finishing our house, we +found we had a little cash left over, on account of the plumber not +knowing it. I was for enlightening the heathen with it, for I was always +unaccountably down on the heathen somehow; but Mrs. McWilliams said no, +let's have a burglar alarm. I agreed to this compromise. I will explain +that whenever I want a thing, and Mrs. McWilliams wants another thing, +and we decide upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams wants--as we always +do--she calls that a compromise. Very well: the man came up from New +York and put in the alarm, and charged three hundred and twenty-five +dollars for it, and said we could sleep without uneasiness now. So we +did for awhile--say a month. Then one night we smelled smoke, and I +was advised to get up and see what the matter was. I lit a candle, and +started toward the stairs, and met a burglar coming out of a room with +a basket of tinware, which he had mistaken for solid silver in the dark. +He was smoking a pipe. I said, 'My friend, we do not allow smoking in +this room.' He said he was a stranger, and could not be expected to know +the rules of the house: said he had been in many houses just as good as +this one, and it had never been objected to before. He added that as far +as his experience went, such rules had never been considered to apply to +burglars, anyway. + +“I said: 'Smoke along, then, if it is the custom, though I think that +the conceding of a privilege to a burglar which is denied to a bishop is +a conspicuous sign of the looseness of the times. But waiving all that, +what business have you to be entering this house in this furtive and +clandestine way, without ringing the burglar alarm?' + +“He looked confused and ashamed, and said, with embarrassment: 'I beg a +thousand pardons. I did not know you had a burglar alarm, else I would +have rung it. I beg you will not mention it where my parents may hear of +it, for they are old and feeble, and such a seemingly wanton breach of +the hallowed conventionalities of our Christian civilization might all +too rudely sunder the frail bridge which hangs darkling between the pale +and evanescent present and the solemn great deeps of the eternities. May +I trouble you for a match?' + +“I said: 'Your sentiments do you honor, but if you will allow me to say +it, metaphor is not your best hold. Spare your thigh; this kind light +only on the box, and seldom there, in fact, if my experience may be +trusted. But to return to business: how did you get in here?' + +“'Through a second-story window.' + +“It was even so. I redeemed the tinware at pawnbroker's rates, less cost +of advertising, bade the burglar good-night, closed the window after +him, and retired to headquarters to report. Next morning we sent for +the burglar-alarm man, and he came up and explained that the reason the +alarm did not 'go off' was that no part of the house but the first floor +was attached to the alarm. This was simply idiotic; one might as well +have no armor on at all in battle as to have it only on his legs. +The expert now put the whole second story on the alarm, charged three +hundred dollars for it, and went his way. By and by, one night, I found +a burglar in the third story, about to start down a ladder with a lot +of miscellaneous property. My first impulse was to crack his head with a +billiard cue; but my second was to refrain from this attention, because +he was between me and the cue rack. The second impulse was plainly the +soundest, so I refrained, and proceeded to compromise. I redeemed the +property at former rates, after deducting ten per cent. for use of +ladder, it being my ladder, and, next day we sent down for the expert +once more, and had the third story attached to the alarm, for three +hundred dollars. + +“By this time the 'annunciator' had grown to formidable dimensions. It +had forty-seven tags on it, marked with the names of the various rooms +and chimneys, and it occupied the space of an ordinary wardrobe. The +gong was the size of a wash-bowl, and was placed above the head of our +bed. There was a wire from the house to the coachman's quarters in the +stable, and a noble gong alongside his pillow. + +“We should have been comfortable now but for one defect. Every morning +at five the cook opened the kitchen door, in the way of business, and +rip went that gong! The first time this happened I thought the last +day was come sure. I didn't think it in bed--no, but out of it--for the +first effect of that frightful gong is to hurl you across the house, and +slam you against the wall, and then curl you up, and squirm you like a +spider on a stove lid, till somebody shuts the kitchen door. In solid +fact, there is no clamor that is even remotely comparable to the dire +clamor which that gong makes. Well, this catastrophe happened every +morning regularly at five o'clock, and lost us three hours sleep; for, +mind you, when that thing wakes you, it doesn't merely wake you in +spots; it wakes you all over, conscience and all, and you are good for +eighteen hours of wide-awakeness subsequently--eighteen hours of the +very most inconceivable wide-awakeness that you ever experienced in your +life. A stranger died on our hands one time, and we vacated and left him +in our room overnight. Did that stranger wait for the general judgment? +No, sir; he got up at five the next morning in the most prompt and +unostentatious way. I knew he would; I knew it mighty well. He collected +his life-insurance, and lived happy ever after, for there was plenty of +proof as to the perfect squareness of his death. + +“Well, we were gradually fading toward a better land, on account of the +daily loss of sleep; so we finally had the expert up again, and he ran +a wire to the outside of the door, and placed a switch there, whereby +Thomas, the butler, always made one little mistake--he switched the +alarm off at night when he went to bed, and switched it on again at +daybreak in the morning, just in time for the cook to open the kitchen +door, and enable that gong to slam us across the house, sometimes +breaking a window with one or the other of us. At the end of a week we +recognized that this switch business was a delusion and a snare. We also +discovered that a band of burglars had been lodging in the house the +whole time--not exactly to steal, for there wasn't much left now, but +to hide from the police, for they were hot pressed, and they shrewdly +judged that the detectives would never think of a tribe of burglars +taking sanctuary in a house notoriously protected by the most imposing +and elaborate burglar alarm in America. + +“Sent down for the expert again, and this time he struck a most dazzling +idea--he fixed the thing so that opening the kitchen door would take +off the alarm. It was a noble idea, and he charged accordingly. But +you already foresee the result. I switched on the alarm every night at +bed-time, no longer trusting on Thomas's frail memory; and as soon as +the lights were out the burglars walked in at the kitchen door, thus +taking the alarm off without waiting for the cook to do it in the +morning. You see how aggravatingly we were situated. For months we +couldn't have any company. Not a spare bed in the house; all occupied by +burglars. + +“Finally, I got up a cure of my own. The expert answered the call, and +ran another ground wire to the stable, and established a switch there, +so that the coachman could put on and take off the alarm. That worked +first rate, and a season of peace ensued, during which we got to +inviting company once more and enjoying life. + +“But by and by the irrepressible alarm invented a new kink. One winter's +night we were flung out of bed by the sudden music of that awful gong, +and when we hobbled to the annunciator, turned up the gas, and saw the +word 'Nursery' exposed, Mrs. McWilliams fainted dead away, and I came +precious near doing the same thing myself. I seized my shotgun, and +stood timing the coachman whilst that appalling buzzing went on. I knew +that his gong had flung him out, too, and that he would be along with +his gun as soon as he could jump into his clothes. When I judged that +the time was ripe, I crept to the room next the nursery, glanced through +the window, and saw the dim outline of the coachman in the yard below, +standing at present-arms and waiting for a chance. Then I hopped into +the nursery and fired, and in the same instant the coachman fired at the +red flash of my gun. Both of us were successful; I crippled a nurse, and +he shot off all my back hair. We turned up the gas, and telephoned for +a surgeon. There was not a sign of a burglar, and no window had been +raised. One glass was absent, but that was where the coachman's charge +had come through. Here was a fine mystery--a burglar alarm 'going off' +at midnight of its own accord, and not a burglar in the neighborhood! + +“The expert answered the usual call, and explained that it was a 'False +alarm.' Said it was easily fixed. So he overhauled the nursery window, +charged a remunerative figure for it, and departed. + +“What we suffered from false alarms for the next three years no +stylographic pen can describe. During the next three months I always +flew with my gun to the room indicated, and the coachman always sallied +forth with his battery to support me. But there was never anything to +shoot at--windows all tight and secure. We always sent down for the +expert next day, and he fixed those particular windows so they would +keep quiet a week or so, and always remembered to send us a bill about +like this: + + Wire ............................$2.15 + Nipple........................... .75 + Two hours’ labor ................ 1.50 + Wax.............................. .47 + Tape............................. .34 + Screws........................... .15 + Recharging battery .............. .98 + Three hours’ labor .............. 2.25 + String........................... .02 + Lard ............................ .66 + Pond's Extract .................. 1.25 + Springs at 50.................... 2.00 + Railroad fares................... 7.25 + ——— + 19.77 + +“At length a perfectly natural thing came about--after we had answered +three or four hundred false alarms--to wit, we stopped answering them. +Yes, I simply rose up calmly, when slammed across the house by +the alarm, calmly inspected the annunciator, took note of the room +indicated; and then calmly disconnected that room from the alarm, and +went back to bed as if nothing had happened. Moreover, I left that room +off permanently, and did not send for the expert. Well, it goes without +saying that in the course of time all the rooms were taken off, and the +entire machine was out of service. + +“It was at this unprotected time that the heaviest calamity of all +happened. The burglars walked in one night and carried off the burglar +alarm! yes, sir, every hide and hair of it: ripped it out, tooth and +nail; springs, bells, gongs, battery, and all; they took a hundred and +fifty miles of copper wire; they just cleaned her out, bag and baggage, +and never left us a vestige of her to swear at--swear by, I mean. + +“We had a time of it to get her back; but we accomplished it finally, +for money. The alarm firm said that what we needed now was to have her +put in right--with their new patent springs in the windows to make false +alarms impossible, and their new patent clock attached to take off and +put on the alarm morning and night without human assistance. That seemed +a good scheme. They promised to have the whole thing finished in ten +days. They began work, and we left for the summer. They worked a couple +of days; then they left for the summer. After which the burglars moved +in, and began their summer vacation. When we returned in the fall, the +house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been +at work. We refurnished, and then sent down to hurry up the expert. He +came up and finished the job, and said: 'Now this clock is set to put on +the alarm every night at 10, and take it off every morning at 5:45. +All you've got to do is to wind her up every week, and then leave her +alone--she will take care of the alarm herself.' + +“After that we had a most tranquil season during three months. The bill +was prodigious, of course, and I had said I would not pay it until the +new machinery had proved itself to be flawless. The time stipulated was +three months. So I paid the bill, and the very next day the alarm went +to buzzing like ten thousand bee swarms at ten o'clock in the morning. +I turned the hands around twelve hours, according to instructions, and +this took off the alarm; but there was another hitch at night, and I had +to set her ahead twelve hours once more to get her to put the alarm on +again. That sort of nonsense went on a week or two, then the expert came +up and put in a new clock. He came up every three months during the next +three years, and put in a new clock. But it was always a failure. His +clocks all had the same perverse defect: they would put the alarm on in +the daytime, and they would not put it on at night; and if you forced +it on yourself, they would take it off again the minute your back was +turned. + +“Now there is the history of that burglar alarm--everything just as +it happened; nothing extenuated, and naught set down in malice. Yes, +sir,--and when I had slept nine years with burglars, and maintained an +expensive burglar alarm the whole time, for their protection, not mine, +and at my sole cost--for not a d---d cent could I ever get THEM to +contribute--I just said to Mrs. McWilliams that I had had enough of that +kind of pie; so with her full consent I took the whole thing out and +traded it off for a dog, and shot the dog. I don't know what you think +about it, Mr. Twain; but I think those things are made solely in the +interest of the burglars. Yes, sir, a burglar alarm combines in its +person all that is objectionable about a fire, a riot, and a harem, and +at the same time had none of the compensating advantages, of one sort or +another, that customarily belong with that combination. Good-by: I get +off here.” + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER *** + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the +United States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part +of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, +and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following +the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use +of the Project Gutenberg trademark. 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