1 files changed, 2621 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/31700.txt b/31700.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..346a08d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/31700.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,2621 @@
+Project Gutenberg's Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, by Helen Rowland
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Reflections of a Bachelor Girl
+
+Author: Helen Rowland
+
+Illustrator: Henry S. Eddy
+
+Release Date: March 19, 2010 [EBook #31700]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Emmy and the Online Distributed Proofreading
+Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL
+
+
+THE average man looks on matrimony as a hitching post where he can tie a
+woman and leave her until he comes home nights.
+
+STRANGE, how joyfully a man will pay a lawyer five hundred dollars for
+untying the knot that he begrudged paying a clergyman fifty dollars for
+tying.
+
+
+
+
+REFLECTIONS _of_ A BACHELOR GIRL
+
+_By_ HELEN ROWLAND
+
+_Decorated by_ HENRY S. EDDY
+
+"Just once more" is the Devil's best argument.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+          NEW YORK
+          DODGE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+          220 East 23d Street
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+          Copyright, 1909, by
+          DODGE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+
+          [Reflections of a Bachelor Girl]
+
+A MAN buttons a woman's dress up the back with almost the same grace and
+alacrity that a woman displays in climbing a barbed wire fence.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL
+
+
+"JUST once more" is the Devil's best argument.
+
+VARIETY is the spice of love.
+
+THE only people who believe in a personal devil, nowadays, are the ones
+who are married to that kind.
+
+THE girl who marries for money is bought; but the girl who marries for
+love is sold.
+
+A WISE lover, like a good cook, is one who knows when the fire is out.
+
+ALIMONY is the price of peace.
+
+IN marriage, the love-light so often goes out as soon as the gas bills
+begin to come in.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE only way to be happy with a husband is to learn to be happy without
+him most of the time.
+
+LOVE is just the shine on the jewel of matrimony; but, after all, the
+shine on a jewel is the whole thing.
+
+A MAN firmly believes that, if he can only keep his wife in the straight
+and narrow path, he can go out and zig-zag all over the downward one
+without falling from grace.
+
+A GIRL is never so surprised when a man proposes to her as he is.
+
+LOVE doesn't really "make the world go 'round," it only makes us so
+dizzy that everything seems to be going round.
+
+ENNUI is "that tired feeling" that a girl has when the right man doesn't
+show up and the wrong one does.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+STRANGE, how joyfully a man will pay a lawyer five hundred dollars for
+untying the knot that he begrudged paying a clergyman fifty dollars for
+tying.
+
+WHEN a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men
+of her acquaintance for the inattention of just one.
+
+IT gives a girl silver threads among the gold to marry her ardent
+admirer and find out afterward that she has tied herself to a
+life-critic.
+
+AS FAR as men are concerned, a woman's reputation for brains is worse
+than no reputation at all.
+
+ALAS, if husbands were only like sewing machines, and we could have them
+sent up on trial!
+
+[Illustration]
+
+KISSING a girl, without first telling her that you love her, is as small
+and mean as letting a salesman take you for a free ride in an automobile
+when you have no intention of buying it.
+
+DIVORCE is the "Great Divide," over which many men think they will pass
+into Heaven.
+
+A MAN can never be made to understand why a woman will pay fifty dollars
+for a hat containing ten dollars worth of material and forty dollars
+worth of style.
+
+YOUTH will be youth; a young man chases temptation, folly, and chorus
+girls as naturally as a kitten chases its tail.
+
+FLINGING yourself at a man's head is like flinging a bone at a cat; it
+doesn't fascinate him, it frightens him.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MEN say they admire a woman with high ideals and principles; but it's
+the kind with high heels and dimples that a wife hesitates to introduce
+to her husband.
+
+MARRIAGE is the black coffee that a man takes to settle him after the
+love-feast.
+
+LOVE is the feeling that makes a man turn on the hot water when he meant
+to light the gas, go hunting for a collar when what he wanted was a pair
+of socks, shave every day, and forget whether or not he has had any
+lunch.
+
+HAPPINESS is at high-tide at the full of the honeymoon.
+
+SOMEHOW, a man who has been thrown over always lands on his knees to
+another girl.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A CONFIRMED bachelor girl is one who hasn't married--yet.
+
+TOO many "flames" dry up the well-spring of love.
+
+IT IS difficult for an old horse to learn new tricks--but an old _man_
+hasn't sense enough not to try.
+
+THE tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top
+of his head.
+
+NEVER worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is
+only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition
+again.
+
+A RICH girl need not bother to cultivate the art of conversation in
+order to be fascinating. Her money will do the talking.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+NOTHING can exceed the grace and tenderness with which men make love--in
+novels--, except the off-hand commonplaceness with which they do it in
+real life.
+
+ABOUT the only sign of personal individuality that the average woman is
+allowed to retain after she marries is her toothbrush.
+
+THERE are just three brands of masculine affection: platonic, which is
+love without kisses; plutonic, which is kisses without love, and kisses
+WITH love--which is almost extinct.
+
+OF course women should marry; no home is complete without a husband any
+more than it is without a cuckoo clock or a cat.
+
+"HOME" is any four walls that enclose the right person.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+NO MAN can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to
+a good time.
+
+THE original fox was a man and the original grapes were the girls he
+couldn't kiss.
+
+A MAN'S desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate
+himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the
+world.
+
+IT isn't the girls whom he has loved and lost that a man sighs for; it's
+those whom he has loved and never won.
+
+LAZY men fancy that the wheel of life is a roulette wheel, on which
+fortunes are won only by chance.
+
+EVERY time a woman gives a man a piece of her mind she loses a piece of
+his heart.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead
+of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his
+charming manners, that won her heart.
+
+A MAN never marries when he ought to; he waits until some woman comes
+along and gets him so tangled up that he has to.
+
+THE shortest way to Heaven or to Hell is via the Love Route, Limited.
+
+IT MAY be bad form for a man to pay his wife compliments and call her
+pet-names in the presence of other women, but it's awfully good policy.
+
+MANY a foolish runaway match has been prevented by the fact that a girl
+didn't have on her best silk stockings at the critical moment.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+REMORSE is the feeling a man has when the bottle is empty or he has
+tired of the girl.
+
+HUSBANDS are like Christmas gifts: you can't choose them; you've just
+got to sit down and wait until they arrive and then appear perfectly
+delighted with what you get.
+
+THE beauty of variety in love or wine is that the moment a man discovers
+a new brand or a new girl, he forgets all about the others and honestly
+believes that he is tasting the real thing for the first time.
+
+MATRIMONY should not be a prison but a privilege, and husbands and wives
+should not be jailors but jolliers.
+
+THAT lump which a man feels in his throat when he is about to propose is
+the "don't" lump.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN may read everything that ever was written about women and yet not
+know enough to avoid asking his wife a question when her mouth is full
+of pins.
+
+THE oftener a man falls in love, the more easily and gracefully he does
+it; exercise seems to keep the heart in good working condition.
+
+IT IS always a surprise to a woman when her husband sues for $200,000
+for the alienation of her affections, which he never seemed to consider
+worth two cents.
+
+MATRIMONY is a revolving door, round which husband and wife follow one
+another without ever meeting on the same side of any question.
+
+MARRYING an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+LOVE always must end sooner or later--usually sooner than the girl
+expected and later than the man intended.
+
+THE woman who insists on playing Solitaire in conversation is likely to
+end by playing Old Maid.
+
+FROM the number of virtues and accomplishments that a man expects to
+find in one wife, you'd fancy he was marrying a harem.
+
+DON'T worry for fear you may freeze a man's love out; the colder the
+wind you blow upon it, the higher you fan the flames.
+
+THE saddest thing about married life is the opportunity it gives two
+otherwise agreeable people for telling one another the disagreeable
+truth.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THERE never was a man big and strong enough to get out his clean shirt
+and collar and fix the water for his bath.
+
+IT'S when the game becomes a trifle stale that a man begins to feel
+conscientious qualms about flirting with a woman.
+
+THE woman who pins her faith to a man won't find a safety-pin strong
+enough to stand the strain.
+
+IN love, the best way to erase one face from the tablet of memory is to
+draw another across it.
+
+A MAN'S ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.
+
+A MAN may feel like a brute at taking a kiss from a nice girl--but it
+isn't until after he's gotten the kiss.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHY should matrimony interfere with pleasure in this day of self-rocking
+cradles, self-cooking ranges--and self-supporting wives?
+
+MOST men write a love-letter as cautiously as though they were writing
+for publication, or fame, or posterity.
+
+THE man who breaks his social engagements with you before marriage, will
+break everything from his word to your heart, afterward.
+
+PLATONIC friendship is a ship that starts for Nowhere and nearly always
+ends by being wrecked in the port of Love.
+
+TO a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier
+drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN'S conscience is like his head; it never bothers him until "the
+morning after."
+
+A MAN'S shoulders are not always as broad as they're padded.
+
+MEN say they hate anything loud about a woman; it must be disgust that
+makes them always turn around to stare after a peroxide blonde.
+
+THE saddest sight on earth is an old bachelor trying to sew on a button
+with a blunt needle and a piece of string.
+
+THERE are some men who, before marriage, will risk their lives to pick
+up your parasol from in front of a whizzing automobile who wouldn't get
+off the sofa after marriage to pick up anything you might drop, from a
+hint, to a baby.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A HUSBAND gets so used to his wife's conversation that after a while it
+doesn't interrupt his reading of the newspaper any more than the
+plunking in the steam pipes.
+
+OF course men admire a circumspect woman above all things, but they
+seldom invite her out to supper.
+
+NOTHING bores a man worse than the devotion of the girl before the last.
+
+IT'S rather sad to see how easily a man gets "that tired feeling" after
+a love affair has become a bit stale.
+
+A MAN may send you a gold-handled umbrella with your monogram on it in
+diamonds and mean nothing but good-fellowship, but if he offers to put
+it up and carry it over you for fear the mist will spoil your feathers
+you may be sure he's in love.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+LOVE letters lead to all sorts of complications, but post cards tell no
+tales.
+
+ASKING a girl if you may kiss her before doing it is an insulting way of
+laying all the responsibility on her.
+
+A MARRIED man thinks that if he concedes to smooth his top hair and
+carry a cane he is sufficiently dressy to go out anywhere with his wife.
+
+BRIDEGROOMS have that sheepish look because every one of them is morally
+certain that he is a lamb being led to the slaughter.
+
+A WIFE sort of loses her awe and admiration for men after she has seen
+her husband without a collar and with his face covered with shaving
+lather and his top hair sticking up in tufts.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN seldom discovers that he hasn't married his affinity until his
+wife begins to get crow's-feet around the eyes.
+
+IF YOU want to be really popular pat a bald man on the head; call an old
+man "naughty boy"; treat a young man with timid respect; cling to a
+little man like the vine to the mighty oak, and tell a fat man how you
+love to dance with him.
+
+THE man who declares a friend innocent even when he knows he is guilty,
+and defends a woman's reputation even when it is scarcely worth
+defending, is not written down a liar by the recording angel.
+
+ODD how a man always gets remorse confused with reform; a cold bath, a
+dose of bromo-selzer, and his wife's forgiveness will make him feel so
+moral that he will begin to patronize you.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT'S as hard to get a man to stay home after you've married him as it
+was to get him to go home before you married him.
+
+A MAN hates emotions; when a girl pours her heart out to him he feels as
+if she has emptied the warm water jug or the molasses cruet over him.
+
+A WOMAN will lie to anybody else on earth sooner than to the man she
+loves; but a man will lie to the woman he loves sooner than to anybody
+else on earth.
+
+MATRIMONY is a bargain--and somebody has got to get the worst of the
+bargain.
+
+THE most uncomfortable thing about being married is that you can never
+tell whether your friends are envying you or pitying you.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+ALL a man asks for in the love-game is beginner's luck.
+
+POKER and love are both games of bluff.
+
+A MAN has so many more temptations than a woman--because he knows where
+to go and find them.
+
+A MAN will sit on the edge of the bed, holding one shoe in his hand and
+gazing into space for half an hour, and then send the cook into
+hysterics and the waitress into nervous prostration because he has only
+ten minutes left in which to eat his breakfast.
+
+MOST bridal couples pile enough honey into the first month of matrimony
+to last a whole lifetime if thinned out and spread on economically.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WONDER if Adam ever scolded Eve for her extravagance in fig leaves.
+
+A BABY'S kisses taste of stale milk, a boy's of jam, a young man's of
+cigarettes and a husband's of cocktails.
+
+OF course people can't carry their party manners into marriage; but if
+they could, marriage would be more like a party and less like a prize
+fight.
+
+SOME marriages of convenience turn out to be about the most inconvenient
+things that could possibly have happened.
+
+WHEN perfect frankness comes in at the door love flies out of the
+window.
+
+MIGHT as well hail a Broadway car on the wrong side of the street as to
+hail a man on the wrong side of his vanity.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+DIVORCE is getting to be as painless as dentistry. Two people pack each
+other's trunks, genially shake hands farewell, wish each other luck, and
+then go off to Europe while the lawyers fight it out.
+
+A MAN forgets all about how to make love after ten years of matrimony;
+but it's wonderful how quickly he can get into practice again after his
+wife dies.
+
+DON'T flatter yourself because he calls every Sunday evening that it is
+a sign that he's getting serious. It may only be a sign that everything
+else is closed.
+
+NO doubt when a man puts his cheek against a girl's he always imagines
+that it feels as smooth as hers does.
+
+GETTING married is so easy that most men are suspicious of it.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MOTHER-IN-LAW may be the serpent in the Garden of Eden; but if it
+hadn't been for the serpent whom would Adam have had to blame for all
+his troubles?
+
+WHEN two people marry they "lock their hearts together and throw away
+the key;" then they begin looking around for some old legal nail to pick
+the lock with.
+
+LUCK in love consists in getting not the person you want, but the person
+who wants you. If you don't believe it try being married to somebody who
+is not in love with you.
+
+A MAN'S idea of an engagement is a chance to find out whether or not he
+really enjoys kissing that particular girl.
+
+IT'S not his understanding of the plot of the opera that makes a man
+appreciate it, but the "understanding" of the chorus ladies.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN thinks that by marrying a woman he proves he loves her, and that
+therefore nothing more need ever be said about it.
+
+THE average man looks on matrimony as a hitching post where he can tie a
+woman and leave her until he comes home nights.
+
+THERE is nothing so uninteresting to a a man as a contentedly married
+woman.
+
+A MAN'S sweethearts are like his cigars; he has many of each of them,
+loves each one as tenderly as the preceding, and appreciates each
+according to its expensiveness.
+
+A HUSBAND can always find fault with his wife, but, then, even
+archangels could pick flaws in one another if they had to drink coffee
+at the same table every morning.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MATRIMONY is, like the weather, mighty uncertain, and the happiest
+people are those who are neither looking for storms nor banking on
+sunshine, but are just willing to go along sensibly and take what comes.
+
+IT MAY mean nothing, but it's very mortifying to a woman when she takes
+her husband's dog for a walk and he tries to go into every corner
+saloon.
+
+IT'S easier to hide your light under a bushel than to keep your shady
+side dark.
+
+FUNNY how a married man who is trying to flirt with you always begins by
+telling you what a trying disposition his wife has.
+
+IT'S harder to get around a husband without flattery than to get around
+Cape Horn without a compass.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN marries a girl for what she is, and then invariably tries to make
+her over into something else which he thinks she ought to be.
+
+WHEN an ordinary man does not smoke, drink, nor swear, be careful to
+find out what worse folly it is that he is addicted to.
+
+A MAN gets his sentiment for a woman so mixed up with the brand of
+perfume she uses that half the time he doesn't know which is which.
+
+HUSBANDS are like the pictures in the anti-fat advertisements--so
+different before and after taking.
+
+THERE are moments when the meanest of women may feel a sisterly sympathy
+for her husband's first wife.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A WOMAN may have a great deal of difficulty getting married the first
+time, but after that it's easy, because where one man leads the others
+will follow like a flock of sheep.
+
+THERE are so many ways of punishing a refractory wife that the husband
+who cannot find one is either a timid, mawkish creature or--a gentleman.
+
+WHEN a lawyer is slow about getting a pretty woman her divorce it is
+because he wants a chance to make love to her before she is in a
+position to start a breach of promise suit.
+
+SOME men feel that the only thing they owe the woman who marries them is
+a grudge.
+
+BLUE BEARD isn't the only bridegroom who ever went to the altar with a
+closet full of dead loves on his conscience.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT isn't what a man can see through the holes in a peek-a-boo waist that
+makes the garment attractive, but what he tries to see and can't.
+
+A MAN who would turn up his nose at an overdone chop or an overdone
+biscuit will swallow an overdone compliment with the keenest relish.
+
+TOBACCO and love and olives are all acquired tastes; your first smoke
+makes you sick, your first olive tastes bitter, and your first love
+affair makes you unhappy.
+
+MOST men fancy that being married to a woman means merely seeing her in
+the mornings instead of in the evenings.
+
+A REFORMED rake is like a made-over hat or made-over tea--he has lost
+his style and his flavor.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN is always advising his wife to wear common-sense shoes, but that
+isn't the kind he turns around in the street to stare after.
+
+IT isn't the man who is willing to stay up late to talk to you, but the
+one who is willing to get up early to work for you, that you ought to
+waste your powder on.
+
+WHEN a woman is pretty and married an optimistic man can always console
+himself with the thought that perhaps she is unhappy because her husband
+doesn't appreciate her.
+
+MEN used to marry good cooks and flirt with chorus girls; now they marry
+chorus girls and hire good cooks.
+
+IT'S an ill wind that teaches a man the value of hatpins.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IF WE could all pay the price of matrimony in a lump sum it wouldn't be
+so bad; but paying it in daily instalments is what wearies us.
+
+A MARRIED man soon learns enough not to let the barber put lilac water
+on his hair; it's wonderful how sharp they get about exciting suspicion.
+
+LOVE always comes to a man as a surprise; he feels like a person who has
+been hit in the dark, and his one thought is for a means of escape.
+
+IF THE average husband were half as attentive, solicitous and devoted as
+his coachman, there would be fewer scandals of the drawing-room-stable
+variety.
+
+FLIRTING is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+SOME men are such bunglers at love-making that they cannot make a
+sentimental remark without tripping over it, or take your hand or a kiss
+without making you feel as though they had taken your pocketbook.
+
+THE average man's ideas of what a woman ought to be are as old-fashioned
+and set as two china vases on a parlor mantel.
+
+IT takes a mighty dishonorable man not to lie to a woman about where he
+saw her husband the night before.
+
+NEAR-LOVE-MAKING is the scientific masculine method of saying a great
+deal and promising nothing.
+
+IT'S so hard to reform a man when he hasn't any great fault but just a
+little of all of them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN who devotes his youth to ambition and cuts out love, finds out
+that he has been eating the bread of life without any jam on it.
+
+IT'S so easy for a man to get engaged that he is always disagreeably
+surprised when he finds out how difficult it is to get disengaged.
+
+A MAN buttons a woman's dress up the back with almost the same grace and
+alacrity that a woman displays in climbing a barbed wire fence.
+
+IT isn't Cupid, but cupidity, that is to blame for those unhappy
+international marriages.
+
+A MAN is absolutely certain that a woman is perfectly proper when she
+refuses to kiss him because in his simple, childlike vanity he can't
+think of any other reason why she shouldn't want to.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+GIVE me a man with a dark brown past--one who has tasted the spice in
+life's pudding, and won't begin to long for it the moment he has been
+put on the matrimonial diet of bread and milk.
+
+THE man who fancies himself completely understood is as unhappy as the
+woman who thinks she is misunderstood.
+
+IF St. Peter is really an old man, no girl over seventeen need apply for
+admission to Heaven.
+
+A KISS may be anything from an insult to a benediction; and yet a man
+never can understand why a girl is indignant sometimes when she is
+kissed and isn't at others.
+
+EVEN a dead husband gives a widow some advantage over an old maid.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE kind of wife every man is looking for is one who can peel potatoes
+with one hand, curl her hair with the other, rock the cradle with her
+foot and accompany herself on the piano.
+
+IT isn't conscience, but the fear of consequences that keeps a man from
+trifling with a pretty woman.
+
+POVERTY is a love charm; you never know how great a thing love is until
+you haven't anything else in the world.
+
+WOMEN take awful chances in matrimony--because that's the only kind they
+get nowadays.
+
+A MAN'S past is always quite past and his dead loves are so dead that he
+wouldn't recognize them if he should meet their corpses on the street.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN always holds a woman at her own valuation; if she sets a high
+price on herself he is eager to pay it, but he doesn't want anything
+that looks as though it came off a bargain counter.
+
+A MAN always considers himself mighty clever when he can glide through
+the shallows of love-making without foundering on the rocks of
+matrimony.
+
+CHOOSING a husband is like picking out the combination on a lottery
+ticket; your first guess is apt to be as good as your last.
+
+A MAN'S idea of success is to be able to run his business by touching
+the electric button at the side of his desk.
+
+MAN is a mysterious chemical combination; add matrimony and you never
+can tell what he will turn into.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THERE is nothing which falls with such a dull sickening thud on a man's
+vanity as his wife's dead silence after he has made one of his
+characteristically brilliant remarks.
+
+IT IS always a shock to a girl when her fiance's sister takes her into
+his den and she sees her photograph standing on the mantelpiece between
+an actress in green tights and a cigarette ad.
+
+A GIRL who has a brother has a great advantage over one who hasn't; she
+gets a working knowledge of men without having to go through the
+matrimonial inquisition in order to acquire it.
+
+A MAN always pats himself on the back when he has composed a letter that
+breathes devotion, but would not be negotiable in a breach of promise
+suit.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THERE is nothing so easy for a man as forgetting; he scarcely takes time
+to throw a shovelful of dirt on the grave of a dead love before he is
+off pursuing a new one.
+
+TO a man love is only a side dish; to a woman it's the whole feast.
+
+THERE are few men constituted strong enough romantically to stand a
+daily diet of kisses, without getting sentimental nausea.
+
+GENIUS, like anything else, needs distance to lend it enchantment; and
+the longer you are married to one, the more distance you are likely to
+give him.
+
+BEFORE marrying a man, ask yourself if you could love him if he lost his
+front hair, went without a collar, smoked an old pipe, and wore a
+ready-made suit; all of these things are likely to happen.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT'S a funny thing about being in love, that the minute a man begins to
+get serious he begins to get foolish.
+
+A HUSBAND always expects his wife to look up to him, even if she has to
+get down on her knees to do it.
+
+COURTING is like cooking; you've got to be born with the knack; brains
+don't take the prizes and theory doesn't count.
+
+THE greatest proof that marriage is not a failure is that widows and
+widowers are always anxious to try it again.
+
+THE only way to be happy with a husband is to believe everything he
+tells you--even when you know it isn't so.
+
+IN love, a man's interest in the game is always deeper than his interest
+in the girl.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN may like a girl ever so much until he finds out she likes him ever
+so much; then like cures like. See "Simple Homoeopathy."
+
+PROPOSING is like making welsh-rarebit; there isn't any reliable recipe
+for it and you can only tell whether or not you have done properly by
+the way it turns out.
+
+AFTER a man has seen you cry two or three times it ceases to move
+him--except to move him out of the house.
+
+THE color of a friend's finger nails or his socks has very much more
+weight with a snob than the color of his soul or his reputation.
+
+IF a man would stick to his wife as he sticks to his seat in a street
+car, there wouldn't be much need for an alimony bureau.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+AN old bachelor's looks may be well preserved, but his heart is always
+embalmed.
+
+IT takes an awfully big man to own up to his wife that he was a little
+at fault in a quarrel.
+
+WHEN a man gets a wife who makes him happy, he lays it to his
+perspicacity; when he doesn't, he lays it on fate.
+
+LIFE is a game in four rubbers: hearts are trumps when a man is very
+young; clubs are trumps after he marries; diamonds are trumps as he
+waxes rich and gouty; and lastly--spades.
+
+TO flirt inartistically is like stepping on a woman's toes when you are
+waltzing with her; it gives her real pain.
+
+A MAN seldom marries when he loses his heart; he waits until he loses
+his head.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN is like a cat; chase him and he'll run; sit still and ignore him
+and he'll come purring at your feet.
+
+WHAT a girl, who would be really popular, should do, is to wave a red
+danger flag at a man and then start to run in the opposite direction.
+
+THERE are some men who regard their wives' accomplishments with the same
+patronizing complacency that they feel toward the tricks of the educated
+monkey at the circus.
+
+DON'T always imagine that the man and woman who walk side by side
+without speaking to each other are angry; they may be only married.
+
+MASCULINITY covereth a multitude of sins.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE man who whips his small son for lying to shield a girl, has a mental
+vision as narrow as a Rocky Mountain path and side walls of dogmatism as
+high as the Colorado Canyon.
+
+SATAN and Cupid are chums, who go about together looking for people who
+have nothing to do.
+
+MANY a woman has divorced her husband for "desertion" who cheerfully
+helped pack his trunk and pay for his railway ticket when he left her.
+
+A MAN'S conscience is made of India rubber--warranted to stretch as long
+as the fun lasts.
+
+SOME men think that by putting on a silk hat and a white Ascot tie they
+are disguised as gentlemen.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE average man is about as good a judge of women as a woman is of race
+horses; he picks the favorites by their shape and color.
+
+LOVE is like gambling; you want to be sure that you are a good loser
+before you go in for the game.
+
+A MAN'S idea of honor is so peculiar; he would die rather than steal a
+friend's money or cheat him at cards, but he will steal his wife or
+cheat him out of his daughter with perfect equanimity.
+
+WHEN you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to
+work for a living.
+
+FLIRTATION is like a cocktail with no headache in it, champagne with no
+"next morning."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+ALL men are the same after ten years of matrimony; they all smell of
+cloves and tobacco, talk in monosyllables, and tell the same stories
+when they come home late.
+
+A RECKLESS lover and an automobile scorcher may run all the risks--but
+they have all the excitement.
+
+OF course, bigamy is very reprehensible; but the man who marries two
+women deserves a little credit for trying to make up to the sex for the
+selfishness of the old bachelor who won't marry even one.
+
+IN a domestic quarrel, it is not the one who can hold out, but the one
+who can hold in, who usually wins.
+
+THE boy who has been brought up to button his sister's frocks down the
+back cherishes no illusions about women.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN is never content with a fortune of less than six figures; but a
+woman is satisfied with one figure--if it has the proper curves.
+
+IT'S a wise woman that knows how little she knows about her husband.
+
+ONE advantage of a bull-dog over a baby is that you are not haunted by
+the fear that he will grow up to be just like his father.
+
+THE way to a man's heart is a zig-zag road, leading through his stomach
+twice around his vanity, across his discretion and straight over his
+determination not to marry.
+
+FAILING to be "there" when a man wants her, is the greatest sin a woman
+can commit--except being there when doesn't want her.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE best men always seem to get the worst wives and vice versa; that's
+Nature's little way of spreading the virtues and the vices around
+equally, like the jam and the butter on the bread.
+
+A MAN'S idea of being "master" in his own house is asserting his right
+to put his muddy feet on the best divan and his pipe ashes on the parlor
+mantelpiece.
+
+A WOMAN may scoff at her husband's religion, insult his friends, absorb
+his income and pry into his secrets, and still retain his love, if she
+regards his pipe and his razor as sacred.
+
+YOU can always find somebody to share your money and your pleasures
+with; but you've got to have somebody tied to you to share your sorrows
+and troubles with; that's the excuse for matrimony.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin with which a woman fastens
+on her self-respect when the hooks of love are broken.
+
+THERE never was a man so small that he couldn't call his two-hundred
+pound wife "little one" with a perfectly serious face.
+
+GOD made the first man; but He must have seen His mistake, for the
+Scriptures say nothing of His having had anything to do with the rest of
+them.
+
+A MAN'S idea of a thrifty wife is one who can make lobster salad out of
+left-over veal and a new hat out of an old fruit basket.
+
+LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that drive a man to hard work and
+successful accomplishment.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE longest way 'round the saloon and the stage door is the shortest way
+home for some men.
+
+THERE never was a man living who wouldn't marry Venus, and then expect
+her to stay home and do the cooking.
+
+ONCE a fool, twice married.
+
+WHEN a girl marries she usually has to choose whether she prefers to sit
+at the foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.
+
+OF course, you can't expect two people to keep step all their lives to
+the wedding march; but it's a pity the joy-bells get out of tune so
+soon.
+
+NINE tailors may make a man, but they can't make a gentleman.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What is that fascinating perfume?"
+afterward, "What is that sickening stuff?"
+
+IT isn't the troubles and sorrows they share, but the bridge parties and
+midnight suppers they don't share, which separate most married couples.
+
+THERE is no pity on earth so heartfelt as that with which the bachelor
+and the newly-married man regard one another.
+
+LOVE is a delirious spin in an automobile, marriage the accident of
+which you are always in danger.
+
+A WOMAN can get so used to that sort of thing that she would feel almost
+neglected if some day her husband should fail to offer up the usual
+morning and evening growl.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A WOMAN will go on a starvation diet and have herself skinned alive in
+order to retain her husband's admiration; but a man considers himself a
+martyr if he resists a boiled onion.
+
+THE sentiment a society woman wastes in baby-talk to her dog and the
+money a society man wastes on gasoline for his automobile would keep
+half a dozen babies in love and milk.
+
+A CYNIC can always find flaws in a woman and weeds in a rose garden.
+
+THE lower a man's forehead, the higher his collar.
+
+NO matter how much a man dislikes children before marriage, after
+marriage he always imagines that he is going to improve on the human
+race.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A GIRL'S idea of a proposal of marriage is so different from any she
+ever gets, that, even after she is married she often wonders how it
+happened.
+
+VENUS may have been the most popular lady of her time; but it takes a
+clever huntress, like Diana, to get any attention nowadays.
+
+NOTHING makes a woman feel so old as watching the bald spot daily
+increase on the top of her husband's head.
+
+LOVE is not really blind, it is only nearsighted; and marriage is the
+optician that furnishes it with a strong pair of lenses, warranted to
+dispel all illusions and make defects perfectly clear.
+
+WHOM the gods wish to destroy they first infatuate with a chorus girl.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A WISE jilt wears his scalp beneath his waistcoat, and a wise girl keeps
+her mittens carefully hidden; only a savage or a fool flaunts the
+trophies of the love-chase.
+
+COCK ROBIN isn't the only chap who ever promised to feed a girl on
+jelly-cake and wine when he knew perfectly well that the moment they
+were married she would have to go out and grub for worms.
+
+PATCHING up a shattered love-affair is as foolish as trying to mend
+cobwebs.
+
+MATRIMONY is a see-saw; and the secret of happiness lies in keeping
+yourself so carefully balanced that you neither fly into the air nor
+come down with a sickening thud.
+
+THE softer a man's head, the louder his socks.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+FROM the latest divorce cases it appears that as soon as a married
+couple get rich enough to keep two automobiles they at once begin to
+travel separate roads.
+
+DON'T think your husband has ceased to love you merely because he has
+begun to lie to you; it's when he stops taking the trouble to whitewash
+himself that you have real grounds for that suspicion.
+
+MANY a woman thinks she has married a hero until she tries to get him to
+go out and reason with the janitor.
+
+A GOOD husband may be the "salt of the earth," but he often seems more
+like the pepper.
+
+THE trouble with the marriage tie is that it's so tight that most people
+get tangled up or frazzled out trying to loosen it.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a young man rails at marriage, listen for the wedding bells; a
+confirmed bachelor is too indifferent on the subject to be bitter about
+it.
+
+A MAN doesn't think he has had a good time unless he has a headache the
+next morning.
+
+THERE is no such thing as a confirmed bachelor in the countries where
+harems are fashionable.
+
+IT isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of
+marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
+
+WHAT a man considers his "personal distinction," and a girl refers to as
+his "charming personality," is often nothing more than a good tailor and
+a smart haberdasher.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+BEING good is merely keeping up with the styles; what was immoral ten
+years ago is only fashionable now, and what is shocking now will be only
+fashionable ten years hence.
+
+WONDER how many wives have been awakened from love's young dream by a
+snore.
+
+IT'S the men who are least particular about their own morals who are the
+most particular about a woman's; if Satan should come up here seeking a
+wife, he would probably demand an angel with gilt wings instead of a
+nice congenial little devil.
+
+APPEALING to a man's sense of humor when he has just lathered his face
+for shaving, is about as effective as appealing to a cat's sense of
+honor when she sees a chance to steal the milk.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN loses his illusions first, his teeth second and his follies last.
+
+SOMEHOW, the wagon a woman hitches to a star always turns out a baby
+carriage.
+
+A GOOD lie in time saves nine poor ones next morning.
+
+WHEN a girl refuses a man his chagrin is always tempered by his
+astonishment that she could be so blind to her own good fortune.
+
+THE troublesome part of love and everything nice is that it always must
+end; but then that's the _nice_ part of matrimony and everything
+troublesome.
+
+THAT old saw about marrying a man to get rid of him isn't a joke. It's
+the best way.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+ABSENCE may make the heart grow fonder, but it is more likely to make
+the head grow steadier; there is nothing like total abstinence to cure
+you of "that dizzy feeling" that comes from either love or cocktails.
+
+BY THE awkwardness with which some men make love, you would fancy they
+had learned how in a correspondence school.
+
+AS lovers men are inclined to be general practitioners rather than
+specialists.
+
+IT MAY be possible to patch up a wornout love affair, but the darned
+places will always rub even if they don't show.
+
+IF a man would display the same patience in catering to a wife that he
+does in coloring an old meerschaum pipe matrimony would be as pleasant
+as a pipe dream.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THERE'S an old superstition that it's bad luck to be married in May; why
+not include the other eleven months?
+
+THE only contract a man considers so unimportant that he will sign it
+without first reading it over is the marriage contract.
+
+A WOMAN whose husband gives her cause for jealousy should not shed
+tears; she should shed the husband.
+
+A MAN is never really old until his rosy hopes have turned gray and he
+has begun to get wrinkles in his disposition.
+
+A GOOD woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.
+
+RICH men and their wives are soon parted; matrimony plus money has such
+a way of developing into alimony.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+ONE way to a man's heart is through your father's pocketbook.
+
+LOVE is the sparkle in the wine; matrimony, the headache that follows.
+
+BETTER be a young man's slave than an old man's nurse.
+
+THERE is something about one cocktail that makes a man want another the
+moment he has swallowed it; and there is something about one woman that
+makes a man want another the moment he has married her.
+
+A MAN plays his part in his first love affair as an actor plays his
+first star role with fire and enthusiasm, but without poise or method;
+later he becomes so technical that he can make his pretty speeches
+backward without a single thrill.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE only common ground on which some married people ever meet is the
+burying ground.
+
+LOVE is like a good dinner; the only way to get any satisfaction out of
+it is to enjoy it while it lasts, have no regrets when it is over and
+pay the price with good grace.
+
+HUSBANDS and wives may meet in heaven--but some of them won't if they
+see each other first.
+
+THE hardest part about the "next morning" is not the headache; it's the
+effort to recall what particular story you told your wife the night
+before.
+
+POOR people don't have to economize on love, kisses nor enthusiasm; and
+with plenty of those one can cover all the bare spots on the walls of
+poverty.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+FLATTER a husband a little and he will adore you; flatter him too much
+and he will soon begin to wonder why such a combination of Solomon and
+the Apollo Belvidere ever stooped to marry an insignificant little thing
+like you.
+
+IT'S the hours a woman spends making frocks that her husband never looks
+at, and the hours a man spends making jokes that his wife never laughs
+at, that make the matrimonial years drag so heavily.
+
+THE reason that a woman who takes the downward path has so much
+attention is that there are so many men going that way.
+
+A MAN makes a virtue of necessity when he prides himself on his devotion
+to a wife who is so fascinating that he can't help it.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN'S wife, like any other sort of stimulant, ceases to have that
+exhilarating effect after she has become a steady diet.
+
+NO MAN knows the shock that a woman receives when she finds that she has
+got to live up to a standard that is half angel and half cook.
+
+MEN declare they admire common sense in a woman; but a physical
+culturist with a perfect digestion and a thirty-inch waist hasn't a
+chance in the world against a foolish, unhealthy little thing in a
+French corset, a princess frock and open-work stockings.
+
+THE ultimate proof of a man's love is the self-restraint he shows when
+he allows a girl to run her fingers through his hair without putting up
+his hand to see if the part is still there.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A LITTLE knowledge makes a man a fool--but it makes a woman suspicious.
+
+THE best way to cure a man's love is to return it with interest--and
+then watch him lose the interest.
+
+A MAN seldom escapes temptation because he is so careful not to let any
+interesting temptations escape him.
+
+SELF-SACRIFICE is the soul of love, and a real soul-mate is one who is
+willing to get up and take the milk off the dumb-waiter, wait until you
+have finished with the morning paper and give you the seat nearest the
+radiator.
+
+IT must be awful to live with a man after you have reformed him and he
+has become so superlatively good that you don't feel superior to him any
+more.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+GOOD husbands are like tracts, comforting but uninteresting; the other
+kind are like dime novels, exciting, but apt to keep you in a constant
+fever of dread, anticipation and curiosity.
+
+IF a woman were like a serial novel and a man could read only one
+chapter at a time, honeymoons would last forever.
+
+A MAN doesn't demand common sense from a woman; he is satisfied with
+incense.
+
+WHEN a girl marries a man because he is the best she can do it is the
+irony of fate to have him blame her because they are ill-mated.
+
+DAKOTA is the State that cuts a woman's troubles in half--and kindly
+takes away the better half.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WONDERFUL how soon after marriage a man gets to look upon the morning
+and evening kiss as one of his daily chores.
+
+WHAT is the happiest state in life? Why, Dakota, of course.
+
+COLLEGE boys are addicted to cigarettes and flirtations, bachelors to
+cigars and sweethearts; it takes a married man to get real joy out of
+anything so economical as a pipe or a wife.
+
+MARRIAGE is the "commencement exercise" at which we take our diplomas in
+love; thereafter, like the college graduate, we begin to learn how
+little we know about it all.
+
+HALF the divorces are founded right on the wedding journey, just as half
+of indigestion is founded on too much sugar.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHAT do they know--about one another that makes every man who kisses a
+girl warn her so darkly and impressively not to trust any of the others?
+
+POVERTY is only a relative affair, after all; it is X minus the things
+you want.
+
+HEAVEN must be something like an afternoon tea, as far as the dearth of
+men is concerned.
+
+FIGURES do lie; especially if they are the ones that express a woman's
+age--or the time a man gets home at night.
+
+A MAN'S favorite way of answering a woman's accusations is to tell her
+how pretty she looks when she gets excited.
+
+MATRIMONY is the price of love--divorce, the rebate.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a millionaire's heart is touched it makes a hollow sound.
+
+THE woman who is wedded to an art and also to a man pays the full
+penalty for that kind of bigamy.
+
+IN the love game nobody knows exactly what he wants; but a wise man
+tries to get what he thinks he wants and a wise woman tries to think she
+wants what she gets.
+
+A MAN isn't as curious as a woman--because usually a woman tells him
+everything before he has a chance to become curious.
+
+THE only original thing about some men is original sin.
+
+HOLD on tight to your temper 'round the curves of matrimony.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+COLD water never cured a fever and a woman's indifference never put out
+the divine fire of a man's love.
+
+LOVE is a sort of club sandwich affair, composed of large slices of
+selfishness, seasoned with passion, spiced with jealousy and covered
+with thin layers of sentiment.
+
+A MAN may admire a superior woman, but when it comes to marrying he
+prefers a goose who will cackle at his jokes to an owl who is likely to
+hoot at them.
+
+A MAN always remembers a girl's first kiss the longest--because usually
+that's the only one he had any trouble in getting.
+
+TO keep a man's interest at high pressure deal yourself out to him in
+homoeopathic doses; one only wants more of anything that one cannot get
+enough of.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THOSE who have tried matrimony, like those who have finished with the
+morning paper, always say, "There's nothing in it;" but somehow that
+never keeps the rest of us from wanting to see for ourselves.
+
+WONDER if it never occurs to the woman who marries a man to reform him
+that the sort of person who is headstrong enough to have made a "past"
+for himself isn't likely to sit quietly by and let somebody else carve
+out his future for him.
+
+IT is so much easier for some men to go to the devil for a woman than to
+go to work for her.
+
+ALAS that the fever of love should so often be followed by a chill!
+
+IN THE modern love affair woman proposes, God disposes and man--just
+dozes.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN doesn't need to swear at a woman in order to express his opinion
+of her; he can shut the front door behind him in the morning so that it
+sounds just like a "damn!"
+
+BY a man's vows of devotion ye shall not know him; the lover who
+promises a girl a life of roses is usually the one who allows her to
+pick off all the thorns for herself.
+
+MAN is such a paradox that a woman is forced to make him believe that
+she doesn't take him seriously--or she won't get a chance to take him at
+all.
+
+A MAN cannot keep his grouch and his friends at the same time.
+
+THE woman who marries a dandy soon discovers that a thing of beauty is
+not necessarily a joy forever.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN never selects a wife with any judgment or reason, because by the
+time he has reached the marrying fever all judgment and reason have
+fled.
+
+IT IS a wise fool who rushes in and a fool angel who fears to tread when
+it comes to love making; the woman who can't be coaxed can always be
+captured.
+
+IT MAY not be immoral for a girl to say "damn," but it affects a man
+just as it would to hear a dove or a canary bird shrieking like a
+parrot.
+
+A MAN in the act of putting his wife on the train for her summer
+vacation feels like the bad boy who has just heard the bell clang for
+recess; he doesn't know exactly what he is going to do, but he knows it
+will be something against the rules and hence very fascinating.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT'S awfully hard for a girl, with her mind all made up and her thoughts
+at the altar, to sit silently by and wait for the love idea to penetrate
+the thick layers of resistance that cover the masculine brain.
+
+AS long as Satan can make a woman believe that it is possible to reform
+a rake and make a roue over into a doting husband the ladies will keep
+his majesty's business running.
+
+IF anything could make a woman willing to exchange her curves for a
+little muscle it would be that maddening, "There, there, now!" attitude
+with which the average man greets her righteous wrath.
+
+MANY a man would be dumbfounded if he should discover that the ideal in
+his wife's heart didn't have a double chin, a bald spot and turned-in
+toes just like himself.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE music of the spheres isn't loud enough to drown the din of some
+matrimonial squabbles.
+
+A KNOWLEDGE of all the ologies and isms isn't worth half as much to a
+girl in the game of life as a knowledge of how to use her eyes and how
+to keep her pompadour in curl.
+
+WHEN a man discovers that a woman knows more than he does it strikes him
+dumb--but not with admiration.
+
+HEART-TO-HEART talks between platonic friends are as apt to lead to
+lip-to-lip silences that Plato never dreamed of.
+
+MAN may be the noblest work of God--in the abstract; but in a bathing
+suit--well, it takes blind love to make a girl think he looks like that.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN'S surprise at the calmness with which his wife receives the
+announcement that he has failed in business is only equaled by his
+astonishment at her hysteria when a dress comes home that doesn't fit.
+
+A GIRL always keeps a tender spot in her heart for the man she has once
+loved; but to a man nothing is so cold as cooled affection.
+
+YOU would fancy a girl were a species of ostrich from the amount of
+flattery a man feeds her before marriage and the two-edged cynicisms he
+expects her to swallow afterward.
+
+THE average woman goes from the altar into total eclipse from which she
+never emerges until she becomes a widow--since husbands never look at
+their wives and other men don't dare.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE man who is most in love is most apt to get over it, just as the man
+who drinks most champagne has the worst headache next morning.
+
+ALL this talk about trial marriages seems so superfluous--considering
+that marriage has always been a trial.
+
+A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that it gets out of working
+condition the minute he comes near a pretty woman.
+
+MAN--as far as his opinions and emotions go--is the noblest work of
+woman.
+
+A KISS and its thrills are soon parted--after the honeymoon.
+
+EVERY woman is born an actress; and actresses are twice as attractive to
+men as other women because they are twice women.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A DARK brown "past" is sometimes a good insurance against a black
+future; the man who has "seen life" is not quite so likely to be looking
+for it.
+
+HAPPINESS in marriage doesn't depend half so much on whether or not a
+man keeps the Ten Commandments and goes to church as on whether or not
+he keeps a pretty stenographer and comes home to dinner.
+
+WHEN a man declares that he knows his own mind, his wife may sometimes
+wonder why he seems so proud of the acquaintance.
+
+MARRYING a widower is like inheriting an heirloom; marrying a grass
+widower is like getting second-hand goods that somebody else has been
+anxious to get rid of.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MATRIMONY is a life job with long hours, small pay, hard work, no
+holidays and no chance to "give notice" if you get tired of it.
+
+AFTER all, a wife has her uses--even if its only as a protection against
+other ladies' breach of promise suits.
+
+A PRETTY wife in a soiled kimono affects a man like a pate de fois gras
+served on an old tin plate; it takes away his appetite--for love.
+
+IT always surprises a woman when the son who has been tied to her apron
+strings suddenly gets tangled up in some chorus girl's shoe strings.
+
+A MAN'S idea of a perfectly loyal, devoted woman is one who will deceive
+another man for his sake.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A GIRL'S idea of business is a place where she can meet some man who
+will take her out of it.
+
+IN THE "relation of the sexes" a man is so likely to regard his wife as
+the "poor relation."
+
+NO MAN refuses to give a good wife all the credit she deserves; but some
+of them are rather shy about giving her cash to the same amount.
+
+A WOMAN on her summer vacation soon discovers that a husband is not "a
+man of letters," but a man of off-hand notes and telegrams.
+
+A LOVER looks at women through rose-colored spectacles, an old bachelor
+through blue glasses, and a married man--through a microscope.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN always feels deeply injured when his wife refuses to believe the
+story that he has worked at all the way up in the cab to make sound
+interesting and perfectly plausible.
+
+IT inspires a man with real awe and admiration, after he has spent all
+day Sunday and broken half the family tools fussing over a fractious
+lock, to see his wife come along and pick it with one hand and a
+hairpin.
+
+WHENEVER a man makes up his mind to give up anything, from a woman to a
+vice, it suddenly becomes so attractive to him that he begins to take a
+new and violent interest in it.
+
+THE hard part of separating from a husband or wife for summer vacation
+is trying to look sorry about it when you say good-by at the station.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+TRAIN up a son in the way he should go--and then watch him go some other
+woman's way.
+
+MAKING hay while the sun shines is very tame sport beside making love
+while the moon shines.
+
+THE dollar sign is the only sign in which the modern man appears to have
+any real faith.
+
+IT IS a mistake to propose to a girl with whom you have been mooning all
+morning on the beach until you discover whether that pang you feel is
+really heart hunger or only the other kind of hunger; the two have such
+similar effects.
+
+YOU can lead a husband to the restaurant, but you can't make him order
+champagne--unless it's another woman's husband.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+LOVE seldom follows marriage, unless marriage follows love.
+
+WHEN a man says that "circumstances" have forced him to break his
+engagement with you, it is pretty safe to conclude that "Circumstances"
+wears smarter frocks or has a more fascinating way of doing her hair.
+
+SOME bright day women will learn that it is as impossible to revive a
+man's interest in a girl whom he has ceased to love as to make him want
+stale champagne with all the fizz gone out of it.
+
+ALL the great tragedies are written about the woman who isn't married to
+some man, but ought to be; when as a matter of fact the most tragic
+figure on earth is the woman who is married to him and oughtn't to be.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THERE are two kinds of masculine hearts; the kind like a peach, soft and
+impressionable on the outside, but stony at the core; and the kind like
+a nut, seemingly impenetrable, but sweet and satisfying once you get
+through the shell.
+
+A MAN doesn't object to a girl who smokes cigarettes, wears three-ply
+collars and calls him "old chap" because he considers her immoral, but
+because he considers her just a bad imitation of himself.
+
+A WOMAN can do nothing wrong, as long as a man is in love with her, and
+nothing right after he ceases to be.
+
+THE only way to be happy with a man is to have such blind faith that you
+can believe him when he vows he never kissed another woman, even though
+the scent of the last girl's sachet still clings to his coat lapel.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MARRYING a woman, after you have kept her ten years waiting, is like
+buying a doll that has stood too long in the showcase.
+
+WHEN a man asks a girl for a kiss, she _has_ to refuse him, but when he
+simply takes it, she has to take it, too.
+
+NOBODY scorns a woman for marrying money or a title; what they scorn is
+the sort of thing she usually marries along with it.
+
+THE woman whom a man idealizes is the one who keeps him guessing; who
+never lets him see how the wheels go round at her toilet table nor in
+her heart and head.
+
+SOME men regard home as nothing but a "rest cure."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+TAXING bachelors only encourages them; a man always values anything
+more, even freedom, when he has to pay for it.
+
+THERE is a time of the year when a man will pay thirty dollars for a
+Panama hat that makes him look like thirty cents, and thirty cents for a
+drink that makes him feel like a millionaire.
+
+THE knots in the marriage tie which rub a man the wrong way are the
+"shalt nots"; those which chafe a woman are the "ought nots."
+
+THE social swim at present appears to be a whirlpool, wherein a man gets
+soaked with either weak tea or cocktails.
+
+IN a man's opinion a kiss is an end that justifies any means.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay
+her--and usually it's the last.
+
+THE happiest wife is not always the one who marries the best man, but
+the one who makes the best of the man she marries.
+
+"WHO findeth a wife findeth a good thing," saith the Scriptures. Well,
+that's what most men are looking for nowadays.
+
+IT isn't the big vague vows he makes at the altar which a man finds it
+so difficult to keep or to get around, but the little foolish promises
+he made before he ever got there.
+
+IT IS as foolish to try to reform a man after he has lost his front hair
+as to try to tame a lion after he has gotten his second teeth.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT isn't the things a man says that proves he loves you, but the things
+he tries to say and can't--the things that choke right up in his throat
+and leave him sitting dumb and miserable on your parlor divan.
+
+PHYSICIANS say the heart is an organ; but by the way some men manage to
+grind out the same old love songs over and over again it would seem to
+be more like a street piano.
+
+ONE whiff of an onion will do more to kill love than the breaking of the
+ten commandments.
+
+ALL a man demands of a woman is a knowledge of what she ought not to do,
+what she ought not to say and what she ought not to think. All a woman
+need know in order to wear a halo in her husband's eyes is how to keep
+it on straight.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MARRIED men should make the most successful fiction writers, because it
+takes a highly developed imagination to invent a different story for
+one's wife every night.
+
+DON'T marry a man merely because he can write nice long, soul-satisfying
+letters; wait until you find out if he can write equally nice long
+satisfactory checks.
+
+ONE man's folly is often another man's wife.
+
+THE woman who makes a man perfectly happy is the one who cares just
+enough to respond when he is interested and not enough to be interested
+when he doesn't respond.
+
+MARRIAGE is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with
+chopsticks; it looks so easy until you try it.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MARRIED woman is always impressionable, because she has become so used
+to a total abstinence from flattery that a compliment from a man goes to
+her head like wine to the head of the teetotaler.
+
+REFINEMENT is what makes a man turn on his heel and go off to the club
+instead of staying at home and having a good, old-fashioned row with his
+wife.
+
+THE man who keeps his sentiment bottled up and his money lying in the
+bank is so narrow that he wouldn't take a broad view of anything, even
+if he saw it on a bargain counter at half price.
+
+THE biggest, boldest man that ever lived is built like a barge, and any
+little woman who puffs up steam enough can attach him to her and tow him
+all the way up the river of life.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN is always able to restrain his jealousy as long as his wife wears
+untrimmed cotton flannel lingerie.
+
+TAKE a spoonful of violet perfume, a pound or so of lace, a dash of
+music, and serve under a summer moon--and almost any man will call it
+"love."
+
+A WIFE always feels perfectly safe in going driving with her husband,
+because she knows by sad experience that he will devote both hands and
+all his attention to the horses.
+
+A MAN whom wild horses cannot drag from the path of duty will sometimes
+get so tangled up in a pink ribbon that he will trip and fall right out
+of it.
+
+KISSES are love's assets, quarrels its liabilities.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+BEAUTIES of the soul may be very fascinating, but somehow they aren't
+the kind a man looks for when he invites a girl out to dinner or for a
+spin in his automobile.
+
+AN OLD maid is an unmarried woman who has more wrinkles than money.
+There is nothing like a halo of gold dollars to keep a woman attractive
+to a green old age.
+
+THE things for which there is "the devil to pay," are the only sort
+which most men seem to consider really worth the price.
+
+AS a soul-companion, the main difference between a bulldog and a husband
+is that the dog can't talk--and the husband won't.
+
+A MAN loves a woman first tenderly, then madly, then dearly, then
+comfortably, and last dutifully.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+SOME men are born for marriage, some achieve marriage; but all of them
+live in the deadly fear that marriage is going to be thrust upon them.
+
+DISTANCE lends enchantment; but too much distance between husband and
+wife is sure to end by one or the other of them finding another
+"enchantment."
+
+IN THE mathematics of matrimony two plus a baby equals a family; two
+plus a mother-in-law equals a mob; and two plus an affinity equals--a
+divorce.
+
+IT IS something of a shock to the sweet girl graduate who has spent her
+youth in digging up the Latin roots, studying the Greek forms and
+acquiring a working knowledge of French, German and Hebrew, to discover
+that the only language her lover really appreciates is baby talk.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a man tells his wife that he is "sorry" about anything he has done
+he doesn't mean that he's sorry he did it, but that he's sorry she found
+it out.
+
+FLIRTATION is like a pink tea, harmless but not exciting; love is like a
+dinner with seven kinds of wine, satisfying and exhilarating but apt to
+leave you with an uncomfortable feeling that you ought to have stayed
+away from it.
+
+A MAN'S wife is something like his teeth, in that he seems to be aware
+of her presence only when it becomes annoying or painful.
+
+ONE advantage in being a married man is that you are not haunted by the
+harrowing suspicion that every pretty single woman you meet may have
+matrimonial designs upon you.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN'S sentiment is like cologne; he always offers you the cheap kind
+in large quantities.
+
+A FEW years with the "George Washington" type of husband, who goes about
+with a hatchet and is too honest to flatter his wife, must make her long
+for a nice, comfortable companion like Ananias.
+
+BEING clever at repartee means being able to say at the moment the
+brilliant thing which you usually don't think of until ten minutes
+later.
+
+ANALYZING your love for a woman is like dissecting a flower; by the time
+you have picked it to pieces and found out what it is composed of, its
+perfume and beauty are all gone. Sentimental botanists get about as much
+satisfaction out of life as dietetics out of a good dinner.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A SUMMER resort is a place where a man will resort to anything from
+croquet to cocktails for amusement and where a girl will resort to
+anything from a half-grown boy to an aged paralytic for an escort.
+
+WHEN a man becomes a confirmed old bachelor it is not because he has
+never met the one woman he could live with, but because he has never met
+the one woman he couldn't live without.
+
+MANY a man who promises before marriage to lift every care off a girl's
+shoulders won't even begin by lifting the ice off the dumb-waiter after
+marriage.
+
+ONE comfort in being a woman is that you have the right to cry; when a
+man sheds tears the poor thing always looks and feels as if he had been
+guilty of an immodest exposure of the soul.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+DON'T fancy a man is serious merely because he treats you to French
+dinners and talks sentiment; wait until he begins to take you to cheap
+tables d'hote and talks economy.
+
+A MAN likes a wife who appeals to his lighter side, but the average man
+has so many lighter sides that no one woman could appeal to them all;
+and even if she could there is always his darker side and a peroxide
+blonde waiting around to appeal to it.
+
+A WOMAN'S idea in marrying a man is that she may save his soul; his idea
+in marrying her is that she may save his socks and his digestion.
+
+PEOPLE who marry "for a joke" certainly must be blessed with an awfully
+keen sense of humor.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE girl whose hair is a little too gold, whose chin is a little too
+pink and whose laugh is a little too gay, apparently doesn't realize
+that even a siren couldn't attract a man if she sang too loud.
+
+THE "measure of a man" can usually be taken in half an hour's
+acquaintance, but the true measure of a woman is something that is known
+only to her husband and her dressmaker.
+
+"THE worst of certainty is better than the best of doubt," says the
+proverb; but when it comes to man's love for a woman the worst of
+uncertainty is better for it than the best of security.
+
+A MAN'S past is written on a slate which can be washed clean at will,
+but a woman's is written in indelible ink in Mrs. Grundy's reference
+book.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MANY a woman who cannot be bought with any amount of gold can be won
+with just a little amount of brass.
+
+IF MEN were absolutely certain that angels wear the sort of Mother
+Hubbard draperies in which they are usually painted instead of French
+corsets and sheath skirts, not one of them would bother about trying to
+get to heaven.
+
+THE poet who sang of "woman's infinite variety" must at some time have
+been the only young man at a summer hotel.
+
+THE man who lets the tailor pad his shoulders is very contemptuous of
+the woman who lets the dressmaker pad her skirts.
+
+NOWADAYS love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and
+divorce a matter of course.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+SOME men are so material that a beautiful sunset would remind them of
+nothing but Neapolitan ice cream, and a flock of sheep on a green
+hillside would suggest nothing more inspiring than lamb with mint sauce.
+
+IN ancient times one drink of Lethe water made a man lose his memory and
+forget even his name. Oh, well, one drink will do that nowadays--but it
+isn't Lethe and it isn't water.
+
+"JOY cometh in the morning"--but more often to the widow in second
+mourning.
+
+EVERYBODY has adopted modern improvements and new methods nowadays
+except the stork, and he goes right along carrying on business in the
+same old way. No wonder he has lost so much of his fashionable trade to
+the up-to-date dog fancier.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A PRETTY girl in a peek-a-boo waist and a Merry Widow hat on her way
+downtown can sometimes create more excitement in the business district
+than a Wall Street panic or a fire.
+
+BEFORE marriage it fills a man with tenderness to have a girl slip her
+hand confidingly into his coat pocket; but after marriage somehow it
+fills him only with distrust.
+
+IT is one of the mockeries of matrimony that the moment two people begin
+to be awfully courteous to one another round the house it is a sign they
+are awfully mad.
+
+A MAN'S idea of being perfectly noble and honest with a woman is to be
+able to make her think he loves her without indulging in any
+incriminating statements to that effect.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+MOST women appear to think that "'tis better to have been loved and
+bossed" than never to have been married at all.
+
+DISAGREEABLE habits, like disagreeable husbands and wives, are so much
+easier to acquire than the other kind and so much harder to get rid of.
+
+A WIFE'S indignation at the women who flirt with her husband is often
+tempered by her pity and astonishment that they should be so hard up as
+to waste time on a man like him.
+
+THE average husband has an idea that economy should begin at home--and
+end at the corner cafe.
+
+MANY a wife would be glad to exchange places with her cook on that
+lady's salary days and her evenings off.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MAN'S idea of showing real consideration for his wife is to make sure
+that she won't find out what he is doing before he does anything that
+she would disapprove of.
+
+THE first child makes a man proud, the second makes him happy, the third
+makes him hustle, and the fourth makes him desperate.
+
+WHEN a man declares that making love to a particular woman "wouldn't be
+right," he really means that it wouldn't be safe; but he is too polite
+to say that.
+
+IN tragic moments we think of trifles; no doubt a girl who is being run
+down by an automobile stops to thank heaven that there are no holes in
+her stockings and a man that there are no incriminating letters in his
+pockets.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MONTH of poker parties and summer girls can make a married man as
+anxious to get his wife back home again as a diet of champagne and ice
+cream would make him for a square meal of roast beef and baked potatoes.
+
+BETWEEN lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
+
+CALL a woman weak-minded and a man will wonder if you aren't jealous of
+her; but call her strong-minded and he will take your word without
+stopping to investigate.
+
+THE wife who insists on being useful instead of concentrating on being
+beautiful and amusing will soon find herself relegated to the shelf like
+a medicine bottle, instead of being kept near at hand like a wine
+bottle.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THAT sad, patient smile one sees on the face of a married woman may not
+come so much from heart-hunger as from a daily effort to listen to her
+husband's latest joke at the same time that she pacifies the cook,
+soothes the baby and looks for his lost collar button.
+
+HOPE springs eternal in the feminine breast as long as a woman has
+ambition enough to continue to curl her hair, and in the masculine
+breast as long as a man has self-respect enough to keep on shaving his
+chin.
+
+THE things a man wants in a sweetheart are no more like those he wants
+in a wife than the things he wants for breakfast are like those he wants
+for dinner; yet he never seems to despair of warming over the light menu
+and making it do for a regular diet.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHY is a woman always so jealous of her husband's stenographer when his
+real affinity is just as likely to be somebody else's stenographer?
+
+IT IS not a man's morals but the manners that make him comfortable or
+otherwise to live with. A burglar or an embezzler can make his wife
+fairly happy if he will be prompt to dinner, agreeable at breakfast and
+will put up the portieres with a pleasant smile.
+
+NOTHING makes a woman so green with envy and mortification as her
+husband's ability to turn over and snore five minutes after they have
+had an exciting quarrel.
+
+OLD love, like old lamps, is apt to burn low and fitfully; it takes a
+new heart interest now and then to keep up the glow of life.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE balance of power in the family usually goes to the husband or wife
+who has the largest balance in the bank.
+
+AMONG a man's sweethearts the first shall never be last, and the last
+can always be sure that she isn't the first.
+
+THE larger a man's girth the more expensive his flirtations; nothing but
+orchids and grand opera tickets can make a girl forget real embonpoint
+long enough to be sentimental.
+
+MEN don't talk about one another as women do--perhaps because they find
+it so much more interesting to talk about themselves.
+
+A FRANK husband and a kodak fiend teach a woman that truth is indeed
+stranger and more terrible than fiction.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+ONE touch of highball makes the whole world spin.
+
+A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that it gets out of working
+condition the minute he comes near a pretty woman.
+
+THE man who kisses a woman at the first opportunity is either a fool or
+a cad; the man who waits for the second opportunity is a philosopher;
+the man who waits for the third opportunity is a speculator; and the man
+who waits any longer is--a freak.
+
+THE girl who has entertained her fiance every evening for a three years'
+engagement may console herself with the hope that she won't be liable to
+see so much of him after marriage.
+
+'TIS best for a man to be square, but a woman is more lucky to be round.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHEN a man has waked up the whole family and half the neighborhood
+flinging empty beer bottles at a cat on the back fence he feels so
+refreshed that he can go right back to sleep and snore straight through
+a fire or a thunderstorm.
+
+IN the face of a man's childlike vanity it is so difficult for a girl to
+decide to be ready when he arrives and thereby look as though she had
+been waiting for him, or to keep him waiting and look as though she had
+been primping for him.
+
+A MAN will tell his troubles first to his God, next to his lawyer, then
+to his valet, and lastly--to his wife.
+
+A LITTLE "absent treatment" now and then is the best tonic for conjugal
+love; an ounce of summer vacation is worth a pound of divorce.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT may cause a man sincere regret to get into a foolish flirtation, but
+the only thing that causes him real downright repentance is not to be
+able to get out of it.
+
+TO fascinate an intelligent man pretend to be silly; to attract a good
+man pretend to be naughty; to win a fool pretend to be clever; and to
+charm the devil pretend to be a saint.
+
+A GIRL loves to spell her soul out on paper, but a man can't see the use
+of writing a love-letter when he can compress his whole passion into one
+paragraph on a post card.
+
+IT is a sad fact that two people who go into matrimony with the noble
+idea of sharing one another's joys and ambitions so often end by sharing
+nothing but one another's towels and brushes and grouches.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A MODERN love affair is something like English plum pudding: it contains
+very little spice and sweetness and is mostly a matter of "dough."
+
+A FLIRT and his conscience are soon parted.
+
+A MAN'S idea of constancy is being perfectly devoted to some woman who
+is either dead or too indifferent to demand anything of him.
+
+THE whole art of winning at either cards or love consists in keeping a
+level head and not taking the game seriously; but, alas--when a man is
+playing for money and a woman for matrimony they are bound to take it
+seriously.
+
+WHEN mothers-in-law come in at the door love flies out at the window.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+A CLEVER woman can sometimes make a fool of a man, but it takes a fluffy
+little thing with a baby face and no brains or morals to speak of to
+make him make a fool of himself.
+
+FAINT praise ne'er won fair lady.
+
+GOING through life without love is like going through a good dinner
+without an appetite--everything seems so flat and tasteless.
+
+IT is most provoking to a woman who is winning in a quarrel to have a
+man suddenly turn round and take the argument right out of her
+mouth--with a kiss.
+
+WHERE do all of the lost hearts go? Well, most of the masculine ones go
+"down where the Wurzburger flows."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE hardest problem of a girl's life is to find out why a man seems
+bored if she doesn't respond to him and frightened if she does.
+
+MENTAL science never cured a man of love-sickness, because in the
+average man's love mentality plays so small a part.
+
+A MARRIED woman has an awfully small chance of learning anything about
+her husband's English vocabulary, for the simple reason that he never
+addresses her except in baby talk or swear words.
+
+A $30-A-WEEK clerk always feels it incumbent to take a girl to the
+theatre in a taxicab. It requires a bona-fide millionaire to drag her
+about in a five-cent street car with perfect eclat and no apologies.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+WHETHER a girl looks indignant or happy after you have kissed her
+depends a great deal on how long she has been waiting for you to get up
+the courage to do it.
+
+TURNED-DOWN lovers tell no tales.
+
+WHEN a woman says "There are no secrets between my husband and me," it
+is a sure sign that she hasn't found out any of his.
+
+THERE are dozens of systems for winning at roulette, but the only system
+for winning at love is systematic flattery.
+
+LOVE in a cottage doesn't seem so appalling when you come to consider
+that there is such a thing as matrimony in a modern flat.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+NO MAN is a really artistic lover who hasn't enough dramatic instinct to
+forget all other women while he is making love to one.
+
+IF it weren't for the tiresome wedding journey and the monotonous
+honeymoon, bridal couples could begin being happy right away.
+
+EVEN though the dulcet iciness in her voice ought to be more effective
+than a shriek of warning, a man will go right on telling his stout,
+blonde wife that she ought to dress like the slim brunette next door.
+
+THERE is something about a wife's tears that washes all the color and
+starch out of a man's love.
+
+WHEN married people can't come to terms marriage should come to a
+termination.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE longest way round matrimony is the shortest way to happiness.
+
+THE reason a man is so often tempted is because most of the time that is
+what he is sitting around waiting for.
+
+FROM the stony silence into which the average husband sinks after the
+honeymoon there must be something almost unspeakable about matrimony.
+
+A WOMAN looks upon her first kiss as a consecration; a man regards it as
+a desecration.
+
+TIME and tide wait for no man, but the untied woman has to wait for any
+man who chooses to keep her waiting.
+
+IN fashionable circles one wife and a dog constitute a "family."
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IT MAY be very noble of a man to have no secrets from the woman he
+loves, but it's rather hard on all the other women he has gotten over
+loving.
+
+A MAN who can marry the right girl and won't marry her somehow always
+ends by being made to marry the wrong one.
+
+MANY a good husband hasn't the nerve or the courage to be anything else.
+
+WIDOWS have all the honors without any of the trials of matrimony; a
+live husband is sometimes a necessity, but a dead one is a real luxury.
+
+MANY a man's idea of a wife is something decorative to be kept around
+the house and only taken out on show occasions like the jewels in his
+safe and the horses in his racing stable.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+IN olden times sacrifices were made at the altar--a custom which is
+still continued.
+
+OF course every woman knows that the man she loves is a "brute"--but
+unfortunately that is one of the reasons why she loves him.
+
+THE kind of woman who holds a man's devotion forever is like a silky,
+self-satisfied Angora cat who takes her petting as a matter of course,
+never returns it, and never gets on his nerve by asking for more.
+
+IT isn't so much a man's sins and failings, but the air of conscious
+pride with which he accepts her comments on them that a woman can't
+forgive.
+
+THAT will be a great novel in which the author can make the man who owns
+the machine as fascinating as the chauffeur.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+EVERY man honestly believes that franchise in the hands of a woman is
+like a loaded gun in the hands of a small boy--utterly useless and sure
+to do damage to somebody.
+
+WAD some power the giftie gie us to see ourselves as men's mothers see
+us--but it wouldn't make us happy.
+
+ONE reason why a dainty little thing like a woman wastes her love on
+man-creature with a rough chin, stubbly hair and a smell of tobacco
+about his clothes is that he is the only thing in that line.
+
+A MAN will forgive a woman for almost any indiscretion sooner than for
+leaving her hair in the comb and for breaking the Ten Commandments
+sooner than for leaving her hot curling tongs where his fingers can get
+on them.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+THE man who tries to mix his women friends has about the same
+unfortunate results as the man who tries to mix his drinks.
+
+'TIS better to have kissed and paid the cost than never to have kissed
+at all.
+
+THE word "court," whether it refers to the way her husband won her or
+the place where he lost her, always has a pleasant sound to a grass
+widow.
+
+IF a woman could veil her thoughts and feelings as effectively as she
+veils her face she would be so fascinating that no man could resist her.
+
+WHEN it comes to love-making men are so unoriginal, that a sage, a fool
+and a "lovers' letter-writer" all sound exactly alike.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+HUSBANDS are like Christmas gifts: you can't choose them; you've just
+got to sit down and wait until they arrive and then appear perfectly
+delighted with what you get.
+
+THE only way to be happy with a husband is to learn to be happy without
+him most of the time.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+Book title was added to top of text so that it did not begin only with
+the quotes printed on the inside covers.
+
+Page 97, "marying" changed to "marrying" (idea in marrying a)
+
+Page 98, opening quotation mark added ("THE worst of certainty)
+
+Page 115, "blond" changed to "blonde" (blonde wife that she)
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, by Helen Rowland
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL ***
+
+***** This file should be named 31700.txt or 31700.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/7/0/31700/
+
+Produced by Emmy and the Online Distributed Proofreading
+Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.