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diff --git a/31700-h/31700-h.htm b/31700-h/31700-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e27d8ed --- /dev/null +++ b/31700-h/31700-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4234 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, by Helen Rowland. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + + img {border: 0;} + .tnote {border: dashed 1px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + ins {text-decoration:none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + table.insidecover {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/insidecover.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.waitingmuff {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/waitingmuff.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.golftrophy {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/golftrophy.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.powderpuff {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/powderpuff.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.dancecard {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/dancecard.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.valentine {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/valentine.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.ridingcrop {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/ridingcrop.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.sailing {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/sailing.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.painting {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/painting.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.twohearts {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/twohearts.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.holdingphotos {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/holdingphotos.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.carracing {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/carracing.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.cards {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/cards.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.cats {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/cats.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.cookingfondue {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/cookingfondue.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.cupidkey {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/cupidkey.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.dancinggirl {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/dancinggirl.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + table.dancinggirl2 {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/dancinggirl2.jpg"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + .copyright {text-align: center; font-size: 70%;} + .blockquot{margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 25%; text-align: justify;} + .blockquot2{margin-left: 28%; margin-right: 15%; text-align: justify;} + .blockquot3{margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 25%; text-align: justify;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + .cap:first-letter {float: left; clear: left; margin: -0.2em 0.1em 0; margin-top: 0%; + padding: 0; line-height: .75em; font-size: 300%; text-align: justify;} + .cap {text-align: justify; margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, by Helen Rowland + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Reflections of a Bachelor Girl + +Author: Helen Rowland + +Illustrator: Henry S. Eddy + +Release Date: March 19, 2010 [EBook #31700] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL *** + + + + +Produced by Emmy and the Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<h1>REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL</h1> + +<div class='center'> <table class="insidecover" summary="insidecover"> +<tr><td align='left'><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> +<div class='blockquot3'><div class='cap'>THE average man +looks on matrimony +as a hitching +post where he can tie +a woman and leave +her until he comes +home nights.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + + +<div class='center'> <table class="insidecover" summary="insidecover"> +<tr><td align='left'><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> +<div class='blockquot3'><div class='cap'>STRANGE, how +joyfully a man +will pay a lawyer five +hundred dollars for +untying the knot that +he begrudged paying +a clergyman fifty dollars +for tying.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h1>REFLECTIONS <i>of</i> A<br /> +BACHELOR GIRL</h1> + +<h3><i>By</i><br /> +<span class="smcap">Helen Rowland</span></h3> + +<div class='center'><i>Decorated by</i><br /> +HENRY S. EDDY<br /> +<br /> +"Just once more" is the +Devil's best argument.</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 32px;"> +<img src="images/emblem.png" width="32" height="51" alt="Emblem" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class='center'><br /><br /> +NEW YORK<br /> +DODGE PUBLISHING COMPANY<br /> +220 East 23d Street<br /> +</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 330px;"> +<img src="images/p004b.jpg" width="330" height="100" alt="men proposing" title="" /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class='copyright'> +Copyright, 1909, by<br /> +DODGE PUBLISHING COMPANY<br /> +<br /> +[Reflections of a Bachelor Girl]<br /> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class='cap'>A MAN buttons a woman's dress +up the back with almost the +same grace and alacrity that a +woman displays in climbing a +barbed wire fence.</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 226px;"> +<img src="images/p006.jpg" width="226" height="202" alt="Cupid on a key" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> +<h2>REFLECTIONS OF A<br /> +BACHELOR GIRL</h2> + + +<div class='cap'>"JUST once more" is the Devil's best argument.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>VARIETY is the spice of love.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>THE only people who believe in a personal +devil, nowadays, are the ones who are +married to that kind.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE girl who marries for money is bought; +but the girl who marries for love is sold.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WISE lover, like a good cook, is one who +knows when the fire is out.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALIMONY is the price of peace.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>IN marriage, the love-light so often goes out +as soon as the gas bills begin to come in.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> +<div class='cap'>THE only way to be happy with a husband +is to learn to be happy without him most +of the time.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is just the shine on the jewel of +matrimony; but, after all, the shine on a +jewel is the whole thing.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN firmly believes that, if he can only +keep his wife in the straight and narrow +path, he can go out and zig-zag all over the +downward one without falling from grace.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL is never so surprised when a man +proposes to her as he is.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE doesn't really "make the world go +'round," it only makes us so dizzy that +everything seems to be going round.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ENNUI is "that tired feeling" that a girl +has when the right man doesn't show up +and the wrong one does.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span></p> + +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> +<div class='cap'>STRANGE, how joyfully a man will pay a +lawyer five hundred dollars for untying +the knot that he begrudged paying a clergyman +fifty dollars for tying.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a girl marries, she exchanges the +attentions of all the other men of her +acquaintance for the inattention of just +one.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT gives a girl silver threads among the gold +to marry her ardent admirer and find out +afterward that she has tied herself to a +life-critic.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AS FAR as men are concerned, a woman's +reputation for brains is worse than no +reputation at all.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALAS, if husbands were only like sewing +machines, and we could have them sent +up on trial!</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> +<div class='cap'>KISSING a girl, without first telling her +that you love her, is as small and mean as +letting a salesman take you for a free ride +in an automobile when you have no intention +of buying it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DIVORCE is the "Great Divide," over +which many men think they will pass into +Heaven.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN can never be made to understand +why a woman will pay fifty dollars for +a hat containing ten dollars worth of material +and forty dollars worth of style.</div> + +<div class='cap'>YOUTH will be youth; a young man chases +temptation, folly, and chorus girls as naturally +as a kitten chases its tail.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FLINGING yourself at a man's head is like +flinging a bone at a cat; it doesn't fascinate +him, it frightens him.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /> +<div class='cap'>MEN say they admire a woman with high +ideals and principles; but it's the kind +with high heels and dimples that a wife +hesitates to introduce to her husband.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MARRIAGE is the black coffee that a man +takes to settle him after the love-feast.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is the feeling that makes a man turn +on the hot water when he meant to light +the gas, go hunting for a collar when what +he wanted was a pair of socks, shave every +day, and forget whether or not he has had +any lunch.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HAPPINESS is at high-tide at the full of +the honeymoon.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOMEHOW, a man who has been thrown +over always lands on his knees to another +girl.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A CONFIRMED bachelor girl is one who +hasn't married—yet.<br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>TOO many "flames" dry up the well-spring +of love.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS difficult for an old horse to learn new +tricks—but an old <i>man</i> hasn't sense enough +not to try.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE tenderest spot in a man's make-up is +sometimes the bald spot on top of his +head.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NEVER worry for fear you have broken a +man's heart; at the worst it is only +sprained and a week's rest will put it in +perfect working condition again.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A RICH girl need not bother to cultivate +the art of conversation in order to be fascinating. +Her money will do the talking.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> +<div class='cap'>NOTHING can exceed the grace and tenderness +with which men make love—in +novels—, except the off-hand commonplaceness +with which they do it in real life.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ABOUT the only sign of personal individuality +that the average woman is allowed +to retain after she marries is her toothbrush.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are just three brands of masculine +affection: platonic, which is love without +kisses; plutonic, which is kisses without +love, and kisses WITH love—which is almost +extinct.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course women should marry; no home +is complete without a husband any more +than it is without a cuckoo clock or a cat.</div> + +<div class='cap'>"HOME" is any four walls that enclose the +right person.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> +<div class='cap'>NO MAN can understand why a woman +shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a +good time.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE original fox was a man and the original +grapes were the girls he couldn't kiss.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S desire for a son is usually nothing +but the wish to duplicate himself in order +that such a remarkable pattern may +not be lost to the world.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't the girls whom he has loved and lost +that a man sighs for; it's those whom he +has loved and never won.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LAZY men fancy that the wheel of life is a +roulette wheel, on which fortunes are won +only by chance.</div> + +<div class='cap'>EVERY time a woman gives a man a piece +of her mind she loses a piece of his heart.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man spends his time giving his +wife criticism and advice instead of +compliments, he forgets that it was not his +good judgment, but his charming manners, +that won her heart.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN never marries when he ought to; he +waits until some woman comes along +and gets him so tangled up that he has to.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE shortest way to Heaven or to Hell is +via the Love Route, Limited.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT MAY be bad form for a man to pay his +wife compliments and call her pet-names in +the presence of other women, but it's awfully +good policy.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a foolish runaway match has been +prevented by the fact that a girl didn't +have on her best silk stockings at the critical +moment.</div></div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> +<div class='cap'>REMORSE is the feeling a man has when +the bottle is empty or he has tired of the +girl.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HUSBANDS are like Christmas gifts: you +can't choose them; you've just got to sit +down and wait until they arrive and then +appear perfectly delighted with what you +get.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE beauty of variety in love or wine is +that the moment a man discovers a new +brand or a new girl, he forgets all about +the others and honestly believes that he is +tasting the real thing for the first time.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY should not be a prison but +a privilege, and husbands and wives +should not be jailors but jolliers.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THAT lump which a man feels in his throat +when he is about to propose is the "don't" +lump.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN may read everything that ever was +written about women and yet not know +enough to avoid asking his wife a question +when her mouth is full of pins.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE oftener a man falls in love, the more +easily and gracefully he does it; exercise +seems to keep the heart in good working +condition.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS always a surprise to a woman when her +husband sues for $200,000 for the alienation +of her affections, which he never seemed +to consider worth two cents.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is a revolving door, round +which husband and wife follow one another +without ever meeting on the same +side of any question.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MARRYING an old bachelor is like buying +second-hand furniture.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl" summary="dancinggirl"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE always must end sooner or later—usually +sooner than the girl expected and +later than the man intended.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman who insists on playing Solitaire +in conversation is likely to end by +playing Old Maid.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FROM the number of virtues and accomplishments +that a man expects to find in +one wife, you'd fancy he was marrying a +harem.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T worry for fear you may freeze a +man's love out; the colder the wind you +blow upon it, the higher you fan the +flames.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE saddest thing about married life is the +opportunity it gives two otherwise agreeable +people for telling one another the disagreeable +truth.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THERE never was a man big and strong +enough to get out his clean shirt and collar +and fix the water for his bath.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S when the game becomes a trifle stale +that a man begins to feel conscientious +qualms about flirting with a woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman who pins her faith to a man +won't find a safety-pin strong enough to +stand the strain.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN love, the best way to erase one face from +the tablet of memory is to draw another +across it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S ideal woman is the one he +couldn't get.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN may feel like a brute at taking a +kiss from a nice girl—but it isn't until +after he's gotten the kiss.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>WHY should matrimony interfere with +pleasure in this day of self-rocking +cradles, self-cooking ranges—and self-supporting +wives?</div> + +<div class='cap'>MOST men write a love-letter as cautiously +as though they were writing for publication, +or fame, or posterity.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who breaks his social engagements +with you before marriage, will break +everything from his word to your heart, +afterward.</div> + +<div class='cap'>PLATONIC friendship is a ship that starts +for Nowhere and nearly always ends by +being wrecked in the port of Love.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TO a man, marriage means giving up four +out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a +woman, giving up four out of five of her +opinions.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cats" summary="cats"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S conscience is like his head; it +never bothers him until "the morning +after."</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S shoulders are not always as broad +as they're padded.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MEN say they hate anything loud about a +woman; it must be disgust that makes +them always turn around to stare after a +peroxide blonde.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE saddest sight on earth is an old bachelor +trying to sew on a button with a blunt +needle and a piece of string.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are some men who, before marriage, +will risk their lives to pick up your +parasol from in front of a whizzing automobile +who wouldn't get off the sofa after +marriage to pick up anything you might +drop, from a hint, to a baby.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A HUSBAND gets so used to his wife's +conversation that after a while it doesn't +interrupt his reading of the newspaper any +more than the plunking in the steam pipes.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course men admire a circumspect +woman above all things, but they seldom +invite her out to supper.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NOTHING bores a man worse than the devotion +of the girl before the last.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S rather sad to see how easily a man gets +"that tired feeling" after a love affair has +become a bit stale.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN may send you a gold-handled umbrella +with your monogram on it in diamonds +and mean nothing but good-fellowship, +but if he offers to put it up and carry +it over you for fear the mist will spoil your +feathers you may be sure he's in love.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE letters lead to all sorts of complications, +but post cards tell no tales.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ASKING a girl if you may kiss her before +doing it is an insulting way of laying all +the responsibility on her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MARRIED man thinks that if he concedes +to smooth his top hair and carry a +cane he is sufficiently dressy to go out anywhere +with his wife.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BRIDEGROOMS have that sheepish look +because every one of them is morally certain +that he is a lamb being led to the +slaughter.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WIFE sort of loses her awe and admiration +for men after she has seen her husband +without a collar and with his face +covered with shaving lather and his top +hair sticking up in tufts.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN seldom discovers that he hasn't +married his affinity until his wife begins +to get crow's-feet around the eyes.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF YOU want to be really popular pat a bald +man on the head; call an old man "naughty +boy"; treat a young man with timid respect; +cling to a little man like the vine to +the mighty oak, and tell a fat man how +you love to dance with him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who declares a friend innocent +even when he knows he is guilty, and defends +a woman's reputation even when it +is scarcely worth defending, is not written +down a liar by the recording angel.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ODD how a man always gets remorse confused +with reform; a cold bath, a dose of +bromo-selzer, and his wife's forgiveness +will make him feel so moral that he will +begin to patronize you.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S as hard to get a man to stay home after +you've married him as it was to get him to +go home before you married him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN hates emotions; when a girl pours +her heart out to him he feels as if she +has emptied the warm water jug or the +molasses cruet over him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN will lie to anybody else on +earth sooner than to the man she loves; +but a man will lie to the woman he loves +sooner than to anybody else on earth.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is a bargain—and somebody +has got to get the worst of the bargain.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE most uncomfortable thing about being +married is that you can never tell whether +your friends are envying you or pitying +you.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>ALL a man asks for in the love-game is beginner's +luck.</div> + +<div class='cap'>POKER and love are both games of bluff.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN has so many more temptations than +a woman—because he knows where to +go and find them.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN will sit on the edge of the bed, holding +one shoe in his hand and gazing into +space for half an hour, and then send the +cook into hysterics and the waitress into +nervous prostration because he has only +ten minutes left in which to eat his breakfast.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MOST bridal couples pile enough honey into +the first month of matrimony to last a +whole lifetime if thinned out and spread on +economically.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>WONDER if Adam ever scolded Eve for +her extravagance in fig leaves.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A BABY'S kisses taste of stale milk, a boy's +of jam, a young man's of cigarettes and +a husband's of cocktails.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course people can't carry their party +manners into marriage; but if they could, +marriage would be more like a party and +less like a prize fight.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOME marriages of convenience turn out to +be about the most inconvenient things that +could possibly have happened.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN perfect frankness comes in at the +door love flies out of the window.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MIGHT as well hail a Broadway car on the +wrong side of the street as to<br />hail a man +on the wrong side<br />of his vanity.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>DIVORCE is getting to be as painless as +dentistry. Two people pack each other's +trunks, genially shake hands farewell, wish +each other luck, and then go off to Europe +while the lawyers fight it out.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN forgets all about how to make love +after ten years of matrimony; but it's +wonderful how quickly he can get into +practice again after his wife dies.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T flatter yourself because he calls +every Sunday evening that it is a sign +that he's getting serious. It may only be a +sign that everything else is closed.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NO doubt when a man puts his cheek +against a girl's he always imagines that it +feels as smooth as hers does.</div> + +<div class='cap'>GETTING married is so easy that most +men are suspicious of it.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MOTHER-IN-LAW may be the serpent +in the Garden of Eden; but if it hadn't +been for the serpent whom would Adam +have had to blame for all his troubles?</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN two people marry they "lock their +hearts together and throw away the +key;" then they begin looking around for +some old legal nail to pick the lock with.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LUCK in love consists in getting not the +person you want, but the person who +wants you. If you don't believe it try being +married to somebody who is not in +love with you.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of an engagement is a +chance to find out whether or not he +really enjoys kissing that particular girl.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S not his understanding of the plot of the +opera that makes a man appreciate it, but +the "understanding" of the chorus ladies.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN thinks that by marrying a woman +he proves he loves her, and that therefore +nothing more need ever be said about +it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE average man looks on matrimony as a +hitching post where he can tie a woman +and leave her until he comes home nights.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is nothing so uninteresting to a +a man as a contentedly married woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S sweethearts are like his cigars; +he has many of each of them, loves each +one as tenderly as the preceding, and appreciates +each according to its expensiveness.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A HUSBAND can always find fault with +his wife, but, then, even archangels could +pick flaws in one another if they had to +drink coffee at the same table every morning.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is, like the weather, mighty +uncertain, and the happiest people are +those who are neither looking for storms +nor banking on sunshine, but are just willing +to go along sensibly and take what +comes.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT MAY mean nothing, but it's very mortifying +to a woman when she takes her husband's +dog for a walk and he tries to go +into every corner saloon.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S easier to hide your light under a bushel +than to keep your shady side dark.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FUNNY how a married man who is trying +to flirt with you always begins by telling +you what a trying disposition his wife has.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S harder to get around a husband without +flattery than to get around Cape Horn without +a compass.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN marries a girl for what she is, and +then invariably tries to make her over +into something else which he thinks she +ought to be.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN an ordinary man does not smoke, +drink, nor swear, be careful to find out +what worse folly it is that he is addicted +to.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN gets his sentiment for a woman so +mixed up with the brand of perfume she +uses that half the time he doesn't know +which is which.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HUSBANDS are like the pictures in the +anti-fat advertisements—so different before +and after taking.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are moments when the meanest of +women may feel a sisterly sympathy for +her husband's first wife.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN may have a great deal of difficulty +getting married the first time, but +after that it's easy, because where one man +leads the others will follow like a flock of +sheep.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are so many ways of punishing a +refractory wife that the husband who cannot +find one is either a timid, mawkish +creature or—a gentleman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a lawyer is slow about getting a +pretty woman her divorce it is because +he wants a chance to make love to her before +she is in a position to start a breach +of promise suit.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men feel that the only thing they owe +the woman who marries them is a grudge.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BLUE BEARD isn't the only bridegroom +who ever went to the altar with a closet +full of dead loves on his conscience.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl" summary="dancinggirl"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't what a man can see through the holes +in a peek-a-boo waist that makes the garment +attractive, but what he tries to see +and can't.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN who would turn up his nose at an +overdone chop or an overdone biscuit +will swallow an overdone compliment with +the keenest relish.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TOBACCO and love and olives are all acquired +tastes; your first smoke makes you +sick, your first olive tastes bitter, and your +first love affair makes you unhappy.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MOST men fancy that being married to a +woman means merely seeing her in the +mornings instead of in the evenings.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A REFORMED rake is like a made-over +hat or made-over tea—he has lost his +style and his flavor.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is always advising his wife to wear +common-sense shoes, but that isn't the +kind he turns around in the street to stare +after.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't the man who is willing to stay up late +to talk to you, but the one who is willing to +get up early to work for you, that you +ought to waste your powder on.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a woman is pretty and married an +optimistic man can always console himself +with the thought that perhaps she is +unhappy because her husband doesn't appreciate +her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MEN used to marry good cooks and flirt +with chorus girls; now they marry +chorus girls and hire good cooks.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S an ill wind that teaches a man the value +of hatpins.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IF WE could all pay the price of matrimony +in a lump sum it wouldn't be so bad; but +paying it in daily instalments is what +wearies us.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MARRIED man soon learns enough not +to let the barber put lilac water on his +hair; it's wonderful how sharp they get +about exciting suspicion.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE always comes to a man as a surprise; +he feels like a person who has been hit in +the dark, and his one thought is for a +means of escape.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF THE average husband were half as attentive, +solicitous and devoted as his coachman, +there would be fewer scandals of the +drawing-room-stable variety.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FLIRTING is the gentle art of making a +man feel pleased with himself.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cats" summary="cats"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men are such bunglers at love-making +that they cannot make a sentimental +remark without tripping over it, or take +your hand or a kiss without making you +feel as though they had taken your pocketbook.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE average man's ideas of what a woman +ought to be are as old-fashioned and set as +two china vases on a parlor mantel.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT takes a mighty dishonorable man not to +lie to a woman about where he saw her husband +the night before.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NEAR-LOVE-MAKING is the scientific +masculine method of saying a great deal +and promising nothing.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S so hard to reform a man when he hasn't +any great fault but just a little of all of +them.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN who devotes his youth to ambition +and cuts out love, finds out that he has +been eating the bread of life without any +jam on it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S so easy for a man to get engaged that he +is always disagreeably surprised when he +finds out how difficult it is to get disengaged.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN buttons a woman's dress up the +back with almost the same grace and +alacrity that a woman displays in climbing +a barbed wire fence.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't Cupid, but cupidity, that is to blame +for those unhappy international marriages.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is absolutely certain that a woman +is perfectly proper when she refuses to +kiss him because in his simple, childlike +vanity he can't think of any other reason +why she shouldn't want to.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>GIVE me a man with a dark brown past—one +who has tasted the spice in life's pudding, +and won't begin to long for it the +moment he has been put on the matrimonial +diet of bread and milk.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who fancies himself completely +understood is as unhappy as the woman +who thinks she is misunderstood.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF St. Peter is really an old man, no girl over +seventeen need apply for admission to +Heaven.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A KISS may be anything from an insult to +a benediction; and yet a man never can +understand why a girl is indignant sometimes +when she is kissed and isn't at +others.</div> + +<div class='cap'>EVEN a dead husband gives a widow some +advantage over an old maid.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THE kind of wife every man is looking for +is one who can peel potatoes with one +hand, curl her hair with the other, rock the +cradle with her foot and accompany herself +on the piano.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't conscience, but the fear of consequences +that keeps a man from trifling with +a pretty woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>POVERTY is a love charm; you never +know how great a thing love is until you +haven't anything else in the world.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WOMEN take awful chances in matrimony—because +that's the only kind +they get nowadays.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S past is always quite past and his +dead loves are so dead that he wouldn't +recognize them if he should meet their +corpses on the street.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN always holds a woman at her own +valuation; if she sets a high price on herself +he is eager to pay it, but he doesn't +want anything that looks as though it +came off a bargain counter.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN always considers himself mighty +clever when he can glide through the +shallows of love-making without foundering +on the rocks of matrimony.</div> + +<div class='cap'>CHOOSING a husband is like picking out +the combination on a lottery ticket; your +first guess is apt to be as good as your last.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of success is to be able to +run his business by touching the electric +button at the side of his desk.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MAN is a mysterious chemical combination; +add matrimony and you never can +tell what he will turn into.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is nothing which falls with such a +dull sickening thud on a man's vanity as +his wife's dead silence after he has made +one of his characteristically brilliant remarks.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS always a shock to a girl when her fiancé's +sister takes her into his den and she +sees her photograph standing on the mantelpiece +between an actress in green tights +and a cigarette ad.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL who has a brother has a great advantage +over one who hasn't; she gets a +working knowledge of men without having +to go through the matrimonial inquisition +in order to acquire it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN always pats himself on the back +when he has composed a letter that +breathes devotion, but would not be negotiable +in a breach of promise suit.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is nothing so easy for a man as forgetting; +he scarcely takes time to throw a +shovelful of dirt on the grave of a dead +love before he is off pursuing a new one.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TO a man love is only a side dish; to a +woman it's the whole feast.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are few men constituted strong +enough romantically to stand a daily diet +of kisses, without getting sentimental +nausea.</div> + +<div class='cap'>GENIUS, like anything else, needs distance +to lend it enchantment; and the longer +you are married to one, the more distance +you are likely to give him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BEFORE marrying a man, ask yourself if +you could love him if he lost his front +hair, went without a collar, smoked an old +pipe, and wore a ready-made suit; all of +these things are likely to happen.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S a funny thing about being in love, that +the minute a man begins to get serious he +begins to get foolish.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A HUSBAND always expects his wife to +look up to him, even if she has to get +down on her knees to do it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>COURTING is like cooking; you've got to +be born with the knack; brains don't take +the prizes and theory doesn't count.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE greatest proof that marriage is not a +failure is that widows and widowers are always +anxious to try it again.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE only way to be happy with a husband +is to believe everything he tells you—even +when you know it isn't so.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN love, a man's interest in the game is always +deeper than his interest in the girl.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN may like a girl ever so much until he +finds out she likes him ever so much; +then like cures like. See "Simple Homœopathy."</div> + +<div class='cap'>PROPOSING is like making welsh-rarebit; +there isn't any reliable recipe for it and +you can only tell whether or not you have +done properly by the way it turns out.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AFTER a man has seen you cry two or +three times it ceases to move him—except +to move him out of the house.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE color of a friend's finger nails or his +socks has very much more weight with a +snob than the color of his soul or his reputation.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF a man would stick to his wife as he sticks +to his seat in a street car, there wouldn't +be much need for an alimony bureau.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>AN old bachelor's looks may be well preserved, +but his heart is always embalmed.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT takes an awfully big man to own up to his +wife that he was a little at fault in a quarrel.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man gets a wife who makes him +happy, he lays it to his perspicacity; +when he doesn't, he lays it on fate.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LIFE is a game in four rubbers: hearts are +trumps when a man is very young; clubs +are trumps after he marries; diamonds are +trumps as he waxes rich and gouty; and +lastly—spades.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TO flirt inartistically is like stepping on a +woman's toes when you are waltzing with +her; it gives her real pain.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN seldom marries when he loses his +heart; he waits until he loses his head.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is like a cat; chase him and he'll +run; sit still and ignore him and he'll +come purring at your feet.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHAT a girl, who would be really popular, +should do, is to wave a red danger +flag at a man and then start to run in the +opposite direction.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are some men who regard their +wives' accomplishments with the same patronizing +complacency that they feel toward +the tricks of the educated monkey at the +circus.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T always imagine that the man and +woman who walk side by side without +speaking to each other are angry; they +may be only married.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MASCULINITY covereth a multitude of +sins.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who whips his small son for lying +to shield a girl, has a mental vision as +narrow as a Rocky Mountain path and side +walls of dogmatism as high as the Colorado +Cañon.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SATAN and Cupid are chums, who go about +together looking for people who have +nothing to do.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a woman has divorced her husband +for "desertion" who cheerfully helped +pack his trunk and pay for his railway +ticket when he left her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S conscience is made of India rubber—warranted +to stretch as long as the +fun lasts.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men think that by putting on a silk +hat and a white Ascot tie they are disguised +as gentlemen.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THE average man is about as good a judge +of women as a woman is of race horses; he +picks the favorites by their shape and +color.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is like gambling; you want to be +sure that you are a good loser before you +go in for the game.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of honor is so peculiar; he +would die rather than steal a friend's +money or cheat him at cards, but he will +steal his wife or cheat him out of his +daughter with perfect equanimity.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN you see what some girls marry, +you realize how they must hate to work +for a living.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FLIRTATION is like a cocktail with no +headache in it, champagne with no "next +morning."</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl" summary="dancinggirl"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>ALL men are the same after ten years of +matrimony; they all smell of cloves and +tobacco, talk in monosyllables, and tell the +same stories when they come home late.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A RECKLESS lover and an automobile +scorcher may run all the risks—but they +have all the excitement.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course, bigamy is very reprehensible; +but the man who marries two women deserves +a little credit for trying to make up +to the sex for the selfishness of the old +bachelor who won't marry even one.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN a domestic quarrel, it is not the one who +can hold out, but the one who can hold in, +who usually wins.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE boy who has been brought up to button +his sister's frocks down the back cherishes +no illusions about women.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is never content with a fortune of +less than six figures; but a woman is +satisfied with one figure—if it has the +proper curves.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S a wise woman that knows how little she +knows about her husband.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE advantage of a bull-dog over a baby is +that you are not haunted by the fear that +he will grow up to be just like his father.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE way to a man's heart is a zig-zag road, +leading through his stomach twice around +his vanity, across his discretion and +straight over his determination not to +marry.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FAILING to be "there" when a man wants +her, is the greatest sin a woman can commit—except +being there when doesn't want her.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>THE best men always seem to get the worst +wives and vice versa; that's Nature's little +way of spreading the virtues and the vices +around equally, like the jam and the butter +on the bread.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of being "master" in his own +house is asserting his right to put his +muddy feet on the best divan and his pipe +ashes on the parlor mantelpiece.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN may scoff at her husband's +religion, insult his friends, absorb his income +and pry into his secrets, and still retain +his love, if she regards his pipe and his +razor as sacred.</div> + +<div class='cap'>YOU can always find somebody to share +your money and your pleasures with; but +you've got to have somebody tied to you +to share your sorrows and troubles with; +that's the excuse for matrimony.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cats" summary="cats"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin +with which a woman fastens on her +self-respect when the hooks of love are +broken.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE never was a man so small that he +couldn't call his two-hundred pound wife +"little one" with a perfectly serious face.</div> + +<div class='cap'>GOD made the first man; but He must have +seen His mistake, for the Scriptures say +nothing of His having had anything to do +with the rest of them.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of a thrifty wife is one who +can make lobster salad out of left-over +veal and a new hat out of an old fruit +basket.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that +drive a man to hard work and successful +accomplishment.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>THE longest way 'round the saloon and the +stage door is the shortest way home for +some men.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE never was a man living who +wouldn't marry Venus, and then expect +her to stay home and do the cooking.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONCE a fool, twice married.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a girl marries she usually has to +choose whether she prefers to sit at the +foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course, you can't expect two people to +keep step all their lives to the wedding +march; but it's a pity the joy-bells get out +of tune so soon.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NINE tailors may make a man, but they +can't make a gentleman.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What +is that fascinating perfume?" afterward, +"What is that sickening stuff?"</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't the troubles and sorrows they share, +but the bridge parties and midnight suppers +they don't share, which separate most +married couples.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is no pity on earth so heartfelt as +that with which the bachelor and the +newly-married man regard one another.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is a delirious spin in an automobile, +marriage the accident of which you are always +in danger.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN can get so used to that sort of +thing that she would feel almost neglected +if some day her husband should fail +to offer up the usual morning and evening +growl.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN will go on a starvation diet and +have herself skinned alive in order to retain +her husband's admiration; but a man +considers himself a martyr if he resists a +boiled onion.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE sentiment a society woman wastes in +baby-talk to her dog and the money a society +man wastes on gasoline for his automobile +would keep half a dozen babies in +love and milk.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A CYNIC can always find flaws in a woman +and weeds in a rose garden.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE lower a man's forehead, the higher his +collar.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NO matter how much a man dislikes children +before marriage, after marriage he +always imagines that he is going to improve +on the human race.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL'S idea of a proposal of marriage is +so different from any she ever gets, that, +even after she is married she often wonders +how it happened.</div> + +<div class='cap'>VENUS may have been the most popular +lady of her time; but it takes a clever +huntress, like Diana, to get any attention +nowadays.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NOTHING makes a woman feel so old as +watching the bald spot daily increase on +the top of her husband's head.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is not really blind, it is only nearsighted; +and marriage is the optician that +furnishes it with a strong pair of lenses, +warranted to dispel all illusions and make +defects perfectly clear.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHOM the gods wish to destroy they first +infatuate with a chorus girl.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A WISE jilt wears his scalp beneath his +waistcoat, and a wise girl keeps her mittens +carefully hidden; only a savage or a +fool flaunts the trophies of the love-chase.</div> + +<div class='cap'>COCK ROBIN isn't the only chap who ever +promised to feed a girl on jelly-cake and +wine when he knew perfectly well that the +moment they were married she would +have to go out and grub for worms.</div> + +<div class='cap'>PATCHING up a shattered love-affair is as +foolish as trying to mend cobwebs.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is a see-saw; and the secret +of happiness lies in keeping yourself so +carefully balanced that you neither fly into +the air nor come down with a sickening +thud.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE softer a man's head, the louder his +socks.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>FROM the latest divorce cases it appears +that as soon as a married couple get rich +enough to keep two automobiles they at +once begin to travel separate roads.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T think your husband has ceased to +love you merely because he has begun to +lie to you; it's when he stops taking the +trouble to whitewash himself that you +have real grounds for that suspicion.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a woman thinks she has married a +hero until she tries to get him to go out +and reason with the janitor.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GOOD husband may be the "salt of the +earth," but he often seems more like the +pepper.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE trouble with the marriage tie is that +it's so tight that most people get tangled +up or frazzled out trying to loosen it.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a young man rails at marriage, +listen for the wedding bells; a confirmed +bachelor is too indifferent on the +subject to be bitter about it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN doesn't think he has had a good +time unless he has a headache the next +morning.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is no such thing as a confirmed +bachelor in the countries where harems +are fashionable.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't tying himself to one woman that a +man dreads when he thinks of marrying; +it's separating himself from all the others.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHAT a man considers his "personal distinction," +and a girl refers to as his +"charming personality," is often nothing +more than a good tailor and a smart haberdasher.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>BEING good is merely keeping up with the +styles; what was immoral ten years ago +is only fashionable now, and what is +shocking now will be only fashionable ten +years hence.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WONDER how many wives have been +awakened from love's young dream by +a snore.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S the men who are least particular about +their own morals who are the most particular +about a woman's; if Satan should come +up here seeking a wife, he would probably +demand an angel with gilt wings instead +of a nice congenial little devil.</div> + +<div class='cap'>APPEALING to a man's sense of humor +when he has just lathered his face for +shaving, is about as effective as appealing +to a cat's sense of honor when she sees a +chance to steal the milk.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN loses his illusions first, his teeth +second and his follies last.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOMEHOW, the wagon a woman hitches to +a star always turns out a baby carriage.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GOOD lie in time saves nine poor ones +next morning.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a girl refuses a man his chagrin is +always tempered by his astonishment +that she could be so blind to her own good +fortune.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE troublesome part of love and everything +nice is that it always must end; but +then that's the <i>nice</i> part of matrimony and +everything troublesome.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THAT old saw about marrying a man to get +rid of him isn't a joke. It's the best way.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>ABSENCE may make the heart grow +fonder, but it is more likely to make the +head grow steadier; there is nothing like +total abstinence to cure you of "that dizzy +feeling" that comes from either love or +cocktails.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BY THE awkwardness with which some +men make love, you would fancy they had +learned how in a correspondence school.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AS lovers men are inclined to be general +practitioners rather than specialists.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT MAY be possible to patch up a wornout +love affair, but the darned places will always +rub even if they don't show.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF a man would display the same patience in +catering to a wife that he does in coloring +an old meerschaum pipe matrimony would +be as pleasant as a pipe dream.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl" summary="dancinggirl"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>THERE'S an old superstition that it's bad +luck to be married in May; why not include +the other eleven months?</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE only contract a man considers so unimportant +that he will sign it without first +reading it over is the marriage contract.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN whose husband gives her cause +for jealousy should not shed tears; she +should shed the husband.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is never really old until his rosy +hopes have turned gray and he has begun +to get wrinkles in his disposition.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GOOD woman is known by what she +does; a good man by what he doesn't.</div> + +<div class='cap'>RICH men and their wives are soon parted; +matrimony plus money has such a way of +developing into alimony.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>ONE way to a man's heart is through your +father's pocketbook.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is the sparkle in the wine; matrimony, +the headache that follows.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BETTER be a young man's slave than an +old man's nurse.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is something about one cocktail +that makes a man want another the moment +he has swallowed it; and there is +something about one woman that makes a +man want another the moment he has +married her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN plays his part in his first love affair +as an actor plays his first star rôle +with fire and enthusiasm, but without +poise or method; later he becomes so technical +that he can make his pretty speeches +backward without a single thrill.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>THE only common ground on which some +married people ever meet is the burying +ground.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is like a good dinner; the only way +to get any satisfaction out of it is to enjoy +it while it lasts, have no regrets when it is +over and pay the price with good grace.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HUSBANDS and wives may meet in +heaven—but some of them won't if they +see each other first.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE hardest part about the "next morning" +is not the headache; it's the effort to recall +what particular story you told your wife +the night before.</div> + +<div class='cap'>POOR people don't have to economize on +love, kisses nor enthusiasm; and with +plenty of those one can cover all the bare +spots on the walls of poverty.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cats" summary="cats"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>FLATTER a husband a little and he will +adore you; flatter him too much and he +will soon begin to wonder why such a +combination of Solomon and the Apollo +Belvidere ever stooped to marry an insignificant +little thing like you.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S the hours a woman spends making +frocks that her husband never looks at, and +the hours a man spends making jokes that +his wife never laughs at, that make the +matrimonial years drag so heavily.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE reason that a woman who takes the +downward path has so much attention is +that there are so many men going that +way.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN makes a virtue of necessity when +he prides himself on his devotion to a +wife who is so fascinating that he can't +help it.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S wife, like any other sort of stimulant, +ceases to have that exhilarating +effect after she has become a steady diet.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NO MAN knows the shock that a woman receives +when she finds that she has got to +live up to a standard that is half angel and +half cook.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MEN declare they admire common sense in +a woman; but a physical culturist with a +perfect digestion and a thirty-inch waist +hasn't a chance in the world against a foolish, +unhealthy little thing in a French corset, +a princess frock and open-work stockings.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE ultimate proof of a man's love is the +self-restraint he shows when he allows a +girl to run her fingers through his hair +without putting up his hand to see if the +part is still there.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A LITTLE knowledge makes a man a fool—but +it makes a woman suspicious.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE best way to cure a man's love is to return +it with interest—and then watch him +lose the interest.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN seldom escapes temptation because +he is so careful not to let any interesting +temptations escape him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SELF-SACRIFICE is the soul of love, and +a real soul-mate is one who is willing to +get up and take the milk off the dumb-waiter, +wait until you have finished with +the morning paper and give you the seat +nearest the radiator.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT must be awful to live with a man after you +have reformed him and he has become so +superlatively good that you don't feel superior +to him any more.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>GOOD husbands are like tracts, comforting +but uninteresting; the other kind are like +dime novels, exciting, but apt to keep you +in a constant fever of dread, anticipation +and curiosity.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF a woman were like a serial novel and a +man could read only one chapter at a time, +honeymoons would last forever.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN doesn't demand common sense +from a woman; he is satisfied with incense.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a girl marries a man because he is +the best she can do it is the irony of fate +to have him blame her because they are ill-mated.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DAKOTA is the State that cuts a woman's +troubles in half—and kindly takes away +the better half.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>WONDERFUL how soon after marriage +a man gets to look upon the morning +and evening kiss as one of his daily chores.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHAT is the happiest state in life? Why, +Dakota, of course.</div> + +<div class='cap'>COLLEGE boys are addicted to cigarettes +and flirtations, bachelors to cigars and +sweethearts; it takes a married man to get +real joy out of anything so economical as +a pipe or a wife.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MARRIAGE is the "commencement exercise" +at which we take our diplomas in +love; thereafter, like the college graduate, +we begin to learn how little we know +about it all.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HALF the divorces are founded right on +the wedding journey, just as half of indigestion +is founded on too much sugar.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>WHAT do they know—about one another +that makes every man who kisses a girl +warn her so darkly and impressively not +to trust any of the others?</div> + +<div class='cap'>POVERTY is only a relative affair, after +all; it is X minus the things you want.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HEAVEN must be something like an afternoon +tea, as far as the dearth of men is +concerned.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FIGURES do lie; especially if they are the +ones that express a woman's age—or the +time a man gets home at night.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S favorite way of answering a +woman's accusations is to tell her how +pretty she looks when she gets excited.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is the price of love—divorce, +the rebate.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a millionaire's heart is touched it +makes a hollow sound.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman who is wedded to an art and +also to a man pays the full penalty for that +kind of bigamy.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN the love game nobody knows exactly what +he wants; but a wise man tries to get what +he thinks he wants and a wise woman tries +to think she wants what she gets.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN isn't as curious as a woman—because +usually a woman tells him everything +before he has a chance to become +curious.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE only original thing about some men is +original sin.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>HOLD on tight to your temper 'round the +curves of matrimony.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /> + +<div class='cap'>COLD water never cured a fever and a +woman's indifference never put out the divine +fire of a man's love.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE is a sort of club sandwich affair, +composed of large slices of selfishness, seasoned +with passion, spiced with jealousy +and covered with thin layers of sentiment.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN may admire a superior woman, but +when it comes to marrying he prefers +a goose who will cackle at his jokes to an +owl who is likely to hoot at them.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN always remembers a girl's first kiss +the longest—because usually that's the +only one he had any trouble in getting.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TO keep a man's interest at high pressure +deal yourself out to him in homœopathic +doses; one only wants more of anything +that one cannot get enough of.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THOSE who have tried matrimony, like +those who have finished with the morning +paper, always say, "There's nothing in it;" +but somehow that never keeps the rest of +us from wanting to see for ourselves.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WONDER if it never occurs to the woman +who marries a man to reform him that +the sort of person who is headstrong +enough to have made a "past" for himself +isn't likely to sit quietly by and let somebody +else carve out his future for him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT is so much easier for some men to go to +the devil for a woman than to go to work +for her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALAS that the fever of love should so often +be followed by a chill!</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN THE modern love affair woman proposes, +God disposes and man—just dozes.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN doesn't need to swear at a woman +in order to express his opinion of her; he +can shut the front door behind him in the +morning so that it sounds just like a +"damn!"</div> + +<div class='cap'>BY a man's vows of devotion ye shall not +know him; the lover who promises a girl a +life of roses is usually the one who allows +her to pick off all the thorns for herself.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MAN is such a paradox that a woman is +forced to make him believe that she +doesn't take him seriously—or she won't +get a chance to take him at all.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN cannot keep his grouch and his +friends at the same time.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman who marries a dandy soon discovers +that a thing of beauty is not necessarily +a joy forever.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN never selects a wife with any judgment +or reason, because by the time he +has reached the marrying fever all judgment +and reason have fled.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS a wise fool who rushes in and a fool +angel who fears to tread when it comes to +love making; the woman who can't be +coaxed can always be captured.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT MAY not be immoral for a girl to say +"damn," but it affects a man just as it would +to hear a dove or a canary bird shrieking +like a parrot.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN in the act of putting his wife on the +train for her summer vacation feels like +the bad boy who has just heard the bell +clang for recess; he doesn't know exactly +what he is going to do, but he knows it +will be something against the rules and +hence very fascinating.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IT'S awfully hard for a girl, with her mind +all made up and her thoughts at the altar, +to sit silently by and wait for the love idea +to penetrate the thick layers of resistance +that cover the masculine brain.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AS long as Satan can make a woman believe +that it is possible to reform a rake and +make a roué over into a doting husband +the ladies will keep his majesty's business +running.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF anything could make a woman willing to +exchange her curves for a little muscle it +would be that maddening, "There, there, +now!" attitude with which the average +man greets her righteous wrath.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a man would be dumbfounded if he +should discover that the ideal in his +wife's heart didn't have a double chin, a +bald spot and turned-in toes just like himself.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THE music of the spheres isn't loud enough +to drown the din of some matrimonial +squabbles.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A KNOWLEDGE of all the ologies and +isms isn't worth half as much to a girl in +the game of life as a knowledge of how to +use her eyes and how to keep her pompadour +in curl.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man discovers that a woman +knows more than he does it strikes him +dumb—but not with admiration.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HEART-TO-HEART talks between platonic +friends are as apt to lead to lip-to-lip +silences that Plato never dreamed of.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MAN may be the noblest work of God—in +the abstract; but in a bathing suit—well, +it takes blind love to make a girl think he +looks like that.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl" summary="dancinggirl"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S surprise at the calmness with +which his wife receives the announcement +that he has failed in business is only +equaled by his astonishment at her hysteria +when a dress comes home that doesn't +fit.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL always keeps a tender spot in her +heart for the man she has once loved; +but to a man nothing is so cold as cooled +affection.</div> + +<div class='cap'>YOU would fancy a girl were a species of +ostrich from the amount of flattery a man +feeds her before marriage and the two-edged +cynicisms he expects her to swallow +afterward.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE average woman goes from the altar +into total eclipse from which she never +emerges until she becomes a widow—since +husbands never look at their wives and +other men don't dare.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who is most in love is most apt to +get over it, just as the man who drinks +most champagne has the worst headache +next morning.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALL this talk about trial marriages seems +so superfluous—considering that marriage +has always been a trial.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that +it gets out of working condition the minute +he comes near a pretty woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MAN—as far as his opinions and emotions +go—is the noblest work of woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A KISS and its thrills are soon parted—after +the honeymoon.</div> + +<div class='cap'>EVERY woman is born an actress; and +actresses are twice as attractive to men as +other women because they are twice +women.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A DARK brown "past" is sometimes a good +insurance against a black future; the +man who has "seen life" is not quite so +likely to be looking for it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HAPPINESS in marriage doesn't depend +half so much on whether or not a man +keeps the Ten Commandments and goes +to church as on whether or not he keeps a +pretty stenographer and comes home to +dinner.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man declares that he knows his +own mind, his wife may sometimes +wonder why he seems so proud of the acquaintance.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MARRYING a widower is like inheriting +an heirloom; marrying a grass widower +is like getting second-hand goods that +somebody else has been anxious to get rid +of.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>MATRIMONY is a life job with long +hours, small pay, hard work, no holidays +and no chance to "give notice" if you get +tired of it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AFTER all, a wife has her uses—even if its +only as a protection against other ladies' +breach of promise suits.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A PRETTY wife in a soiled kimono affects +a man like a pâté de fois gras served on +an old tin plate; it takes away his appetite—for +love.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT always surprises a woman when the son +who has been tied to her apron strings suddenly +gets tangled up in some chorus girl's +shoe strings.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of a perfectly loyal, devoted +woman is one who will deceive another +man for his sake.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL'S idea of business is a place where +she can meet some man who will take +her out of it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN THE "relation of the sexes" a man is so +likely to regard his wife as the "poor relation."</div> + +<div class='cap'>NO MAN refuses to give a good wife all the +credit she deserves; but some of them +are rather shy about giving her cash to the +same amount.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN on her summer vacation soon +discovers that a husband is not "a man +of letters," but a man of off-hand notes +and telegrams.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A LOVER looks at women through rose-colored +spectacles, an old bachelor +through blue glasses, and a married man—through +a microscope.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN always feels deeply injured when +his wife refuses to believe the story that +he has worked at all the way up in the +cab to make sound interesting and perfectly +plausible.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT inspires a man with real awe and admiration, +after he has spent all day Sunday and +broken half the family tools fussing over a +fractious lock, to see his wife come along +and pick it with one hand and a hairpin.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHENEVER a man makes up his mind +to give up anything, from a woman to a +vice, it suddenly becomes so attractive to +him that he begins to take a new and violent +interest in it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE hard part of separating from a husband +or wife for summer vacation is trying to +look sorry about it when you say good-by +at the station.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>TRAIN up a son in the way he should go—and +then watch him go some other +woman's way.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MAKING hay while the sun shines is very +tame sport beside making love while the +moon shines.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE dollar sign is the only sign in which +the modern man appears to have any real +faith.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS a mistake to propose to a girl with +whom you have been mooning all morning +on the beach until you discover whether +that pang you feel is really heart hunger +or only the other kind of hunger; the two +have such similar effects.</div> + +<div class='cap'>YOU can lead a husband to the restaurant, +but you can't make him order champagne—unless +it's another woman's husband.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE seldom follows marriage, unless marriage +follows love.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man says that "circumstances" +have forced him to break his engagement +with you, it is pretty safe to conclude +that "Circumstances" wears smarter +frocks or has a more fascinating way of +doing her hair.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOME bright day women will learn that it +is as impossible to revive a man's interest +in a girl whom he has ceased to love as to +make him want stale champagne with all +the fizz gone out of it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALL the great tragedies are written about +the woman who isn't married to some +man, but ought to be; when as a matter of +fact the most tragic figure on earth is the +woman who is married to him and +oughtn't to be.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are two kinds of masculine hearts; +the kind like a peach, soft and impressionable +on the outside, but stony at the core; +and the kind like a nut, seemingly impenetrable, +but sweet and satisfying once you +get through the shell.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN doesn't object to a girl who smokes +cigarettes, wears three-ply collars and +calls him "old chap" because he considers +her immoral, but because he considers her +just a bad imitation of himself.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN can do nothing wrong, as long +as a man is in love with her, and nothing +right after he ceases to be.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE only way to be happy with a man is to +have such blind faith that you can believe +him when he vows he never kissed another +woman, even though the scent of the last +girl's sachet still clings to his coat lapel.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>MARRYING a woman, after you have kept +her ten years waiting, is like buying a +doll that has stood too long in the showcase.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man asks a girl for a kiss, she <i>has</i> +to refuse him, but when he simply takes +it, she has to take it, too.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NOBODY scorns a woman for marrying +money or a title; what they scorn is the +sort of thing she usually marries along +with it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman whom a man idealizes is the +one who keeps him guessing; who never +lets him see how the wheels go round at +her toilet table nor in her heart and head.</div> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men regard home as nothing but a +"rest cure."</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /> + +<div class='cap'>TAXING bachelors only encourages them; +a man always values anything more, even +freedom, when he has to pay for it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is a time of the year when a man +will pay thirty dollars for a Panama hat +that makes him look like thirty cents, and +thirty cents for a drink that makes him +feel like a millionaire.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE knots in the marriage tie which rub a +man the wrong way are the "shalt nots"; +those which chafe a woman are the +"ought nots."</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE social swim at present appears to be a +whirlpool, wherein a man gets soaked with +either weak tea or cocktails.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN a man's opinion a kiss is an end that +justifies any means.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man makes a woman his wife it's +the highest compliment he can pay her—and +usually it's the last.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE happiest wife is not always the one +who marries the best man, but the one +who makes the best of the man she marries.</div> + +<div class='cap'>"WHO findeth a wife findeth a good +thing," saith the Scriptures. Well, +that's what most men are looking for nowadays.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't the big vague vows he makes at the +altar which a man finds it so difficult to +keep or to get around, but the little foolish +promises he made before he ever got there.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS as foolish to try to reform a man after +he has lost his front hair as to try to tame a +lion after he has gotten his second teeth.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't the things a man says that proves he +loves you, but the things he tries to say and +can't—the things that choke right up in his +throat and leave him sitting dumb and miserable +on your parlor divan.</div> + +<div class='cap'>PHYSICIANS say the heart is an organ; +but by the way some men manage to grind +out the same old love songs over and over +again it would seem to be more like a street +piano.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE whiff of an onion will do more to kill +love than the breaking of the ten commandments.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ALL a man demands of a woman is a knowledge +of what she ought not to do, what +she ought not to say and what she ought +not to think. All a woman need know in +order to wear a halo in her husband's eyes +is how to keep it on straight.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>MARRIED men should make the most successful +fiction writers, because it takes a +highly developed imagination to invent a +different story for one's wife every night.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T marry a man merely because he can +write nice long, soul-satisfying letters; +wait until you find out if he can write +equally nice long satisfactory checks.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE man's folly is often another man's +wife.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>THE woman who makes a man perfectly +happy is the one who cares just enough to +respond when he is interested and not +enough to be interested when he doesn't +respond.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MARRIAGE is like twirling a baton, turning +a handspring or eating with chopsticks; +it looks so easy until you try it.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl2" summary="dancinggirl2"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A MARRIED woman is always impressionable, +because she has become so used to +a total abstinence from flattery that a compliment +from a man goes to her head like +wine to the head of the teetotaler.</div> + +<div class='cap'>REFINEMENT is what makes a man turn +on his heel and go off to the club instead +of staying at home and having a good, old-fashioned +row with his wife.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who keeps his sentiment bottled +up and his money lying in the bank is so +narrow that he wouldn't take a broad view +of anything, even if he saw it on a bargain +counter at half price.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE biggest, boldest man that ever lived is +built like a barge, and any little woman +who puffs up steam enough can attach +him to her and tow him all the way up the +river of life.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN is always able to restrain his jealousy +as long as his wife wears untrimmed +cotton flannel lingerie.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TAKE a spoonful of violet perfume, a pound +or so of lace, a dash of music, and serve +under a summer moon—and almost any +man will call it "love."</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WIFE always feels perfectly safe in going +driving with her husband, because she +knows by sad experience that he will devote +both hands and all his attention to the +horses.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN whom wild horses cannot drag +from the path of duty will sometimes get +so tangled up in a pink ribbon that he will +trip and fall right out of it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>KISSES are love's assets, quarrels its liabilities.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>BEAUTIES of the soul may be very fascinating, +but somehow they aren't the +kind a man looks for when he invites a girl +out to dinner or for a spin in his automobile.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AN OLD maid is an unmarried woman who +has more wrinkles than money. There is +nothing like a halo of gold dollars to keep +a woman attractive to a green old age.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE things for which there is "the devil to +pay," are the only sort which most men +seem to consider really worth the price.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AS a soul-companion, the main difference +between a bulldog and a husband is that +the dog can't talk—and the husband won't.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN loves a woman first tenderly, then +madly, then dearly, then comfortably, +and last dutifully.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men are born for marriage, some +achieve marriage; but all of them live in +the deadly fear that marriage is going to +be thrust upon them.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DISTANCE lends enchantment; but too +much distance between husband and +wife is sure to end by one or the other of +them finding another "enchantment."</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN THE mathematics of matrimony two plus +a baby equals a family; two plus a mother-in-law +equals a mob; and two plus an affinity +equals—a divorce.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS something of a shock to the sweet girl +graduate who has spent her youth in digging +up the Latin roots, studying the +Greek forms and acquiring a working +knowledge of French, German and Hebrew, +to discover that the only language +her lover really appreciates is baby talk.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man tells his wife that he is +"sorry" about anything he has done he +doesn't mean that he's sorry he did it, but +that he's sorry she found it out.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FLIRTATION is like a pink tea, harmless +but not exciting; love is like a dinner with +seven kinds of wine, satisfying and exhilarating +but apt to leave you with an uncomfortable +feeling that you ought to have +stayed away from it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S wife is something like his teeth, +in that he seems to be aware of her presence +only when it becomes annoying or +painful.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE advantage in being a married man is +that you are not haunted by the harrowing +suspicion that every pretty single woman +you meet may have matrimonial designs +upon you.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="waitingmuff" summary="waitingmuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S sentiment is like cologne; he always +offers you the cheap kind in large +quantities.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A FEW years with the "George Washington" +type of husband, who goes about +with a hatchet and is too honest to flatter +his wife, must make her long for a nice, +comfortable companion like Ananias.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BEING clever at repartee means being able +to say at the moment the brilliant thing +which you usually don't think of until ten +minutes later.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ANALYZING your love for a woman is like +dissecting a flower; by the time you have +picked it to pieces and found out what it is +composed of, its perfume and beauty are +all gone. Sentimental botanists get about +as much satisfaction out of life as dietetics +out of a good dinner.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A SUMMER resort is a place where a man +will resort to anything from croquet to +cocktails for amusement and where a girl +will resort to anything from a half-grown +boy to an aged paralytic for an escort.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man becomes a confirmed old +bachelor it is not because he has never +met the one woman he could live with, but +because he has never met the one woman +he couldn't live without.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a man who promises before marriage +to lift every care off a girl's shoulders +won't even begin by lifting the ice off +the dumb-waiter after marriage.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE comfort in being a woman is that you +have the right to cry; when a man sheds +tears the poor thing always looks and feels +as if he had been guilty of an immodest exposure +of the soul.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>DON'T fancy a man is serious merely because +he treats you to French dinners and +talks sentiment; wait until he begins to +take you to cheap tables d'hôte and talks +economy.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN likes a wife who appeals to his +lighter side, but the average man has so +many lighter sides that no one woman +could appeal to them all; and even if she +could there is always his darker side and a +peroxide blonde waiting around to appeal +to it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN'S idea in <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'marying'">marrying</ins> a man is that +she may save his soul; his idea in marrying +her is that she may save his socks and +his digestion.</div> + +<div class='cap'>PEOPLE who marry "for a joke" certainly +must be blessed with an awfully keen +sense of humor.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THE girl whose hair is a little too gold, +whose chin is a little too pink and whose +laugh is a little too gay, apparently doesn't +realize that even a siren couldn't attract a +man if she sang too loud.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE "measure of a man" can usually be +taken in half an hour's acquaintance, but +the true measure of a woman is something +that is known only to her husband and her +dressmaker.</div> + +<div class='cap'><ins title="Transcriber's Note: this quotation mark missing in original">"</ins>THE worst of certainty is better than the +best of doubt," says the proverb; but +when it comes to man's love for a woman +the worst of uncertainty is better for it +than the best of security.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S past is written on a slate which +can be washed clean at will, but a +woman's is written in indelible ink in Mrs. +Grundy's reference book.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a woman who cannot be bought +with any amount of gold can be won with +just a little amount of brass.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF MEN were absolutely certain that angels +wear the sort of Mother Hubbard draperies +in which they are usually painted instead +of French corsets and sheath skirts, not +one of them would bother about trying to +get to heaven.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE poet who sang of "woman's infinite +variety" must at some time have been the +only young man at a summer hotel.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who lets the tailor pad his shoulders +is very contemptuous of the woman +who lets the dressmaker pad her skirts.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NOWADAYS love is a matter of chance, +matrimony a matter of money and divorce +a matter of course.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>SOME men are so material that a beautiful +sunset would remind them of nothing but +Neapolitan ice cream, and a flock of sheep +on a green hillside would suggest nothing +more inspiring than lamb with mint sauce.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN ancient times one drink of Lethe water +made a man lose his memory and forget +even his name. Oh, well, one drink will +do that nowadays—but it isn't Lethe and +it isn't water.</div> + +<div class='cap'>"JOY cometh in the morning"—but more +often to the widow in second mourning.</div> + +<div class='cap'>EVERYBODY has adopted modern improvements +and new methods nowadays +except the stork, and he goes right along +carrying on business in the same old way. +No wonder he has lost so much of his +fashionable trade to the up-to-date dog +fancier.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A PRETTY girl in a peek-a-boo waist and a +Merry Widow hat on her way downtown +can sometimes create more excitement in +the business district than a Wall Street +panic or a fire.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BEFORE marriage it fills a man with tenderness +to have a girl slip her hand confidingly +into his coat pocket; but after +marriage somehow it fills him only with +distrust.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT is one of the mockeries of matrimony that +the moment two people begin to be awfully +courteous to one another round the house +it is a sign they are awfully mad.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of being perfectly noble and +honest with a woman is to be able to +make her think he loves her without indulging +in any incriminating statements +to that effect.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>MOST women appear to think that "'tis +better to have been loved and bossed" +than never to have been married at all.</div> + +<div class='cap'>DISAGREEABLE habits, like disagreeable +husbands and wives, are so much +easier to acquire than the other kind and +so much harder to get rid of.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WIFE'S indignation at the women who +flirt with her husband is often tempered +by her pity and astonishment that they +should be so hard up as to waste time on +a man like him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE average husband has an idea that +economy should begin at home—and end +at the corner café.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a wife would be glad to exchange +places with her cook on that lady's salary +days and her evenings off.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of showing real consideration +for his wife is to make sure that she +won't find out what he is doing before he +does anything that she would disapprove +of.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE first child makes a man proud, the +second makes him happy, the third makes +him hustle, and the fourth makes him +desperate.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man declares that making love +to a particular woman "wouldn't be +right," he really means that it wouldn't be +safe; but he is too polite to say that.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN tragic moments we think of trifles; no +doubt a girl who is being run down by an +automobile stops to thank heaven that +there are no holes in her stockings and a +man that there are no incriminating letters +in his pockets.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>A MONTH of poker parties and summer +girls can make a married man as anxious +to get his wife back home again as a diet +of champagne and ice cream would make +him for a square meal of roast beef and +baked potatoes.</div> + +<div class='cap'>BETWEEN lovers a little confession is a +dangerous thing.</div> + +<div class='cap'>CALL a woman weak-minded and a man +will wonder if you aren't jealous of her; +but call her strong-minded and he will +take your word without stopping to investigate.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE wife who insists on being useful instead +of concentrating on being beautiful +and amusing will soon find herself relegated +to the shelf like a medicine bottle, +instead of being kept near at hand like a +wine bottle.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="powderpuff" summary="powderpuff"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THAT sad, patient smile one sees on the +face of a married woman may not come so +much from heart-hunger as from a daily +effort to listen to her husband's latest joke +at the same time that she pacifies the cook, +soothes the baby and looks for his lost collar +button.</div> + +<div class='cap'>HOPE springs eternal in the feminine +breast as long as a woman has ambition +enough to continue to curl her hair, and +in the masculine breast as long as a man +has self-respect enough to keep on shaving +his chin.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE things a man wants in a sweetheart +are no more like those he wants in a wife +than the things he wants for breakfast are +like those he wants for dinner; yet he +never seems to despair of warming over +the light menu and making it do for a +regular diet.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancinggirl2" summary="dancinggirl2"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>WHY is a woman always so jealous of her +husband's stenographer when his real +affinity is just as likely to be somebody +else's stenographer?</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT IS not a man's morals but the manners +that make him comfortable or otherwise to +live with. A burglar or an embezzler can +make his wife fairly happy if he will be +prompt to dinner, agreeable at breakfast +and will put up the portieres with a pleasant +smile.</div> + +<div class='cap'>NOTHING makes a woman so green with +envy and mortification as her husband's +ability to turn over and snore five minutes +after they have had an exciting quarrel.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OLD love, like old lamps, is apt to burn +low and fitfully; it takes a new heart interest +now and then to keep up the glow +of life.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>THE balance of power in the family usually +goes to the husband or wife who has the +largest balance in the bank.</div> + +<div class='cap'>AMONG a man's sweethearts the first shall +never be last, and the last can always be +sure that she isn't the first.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE larger a man's girth the more expensive +his flirtations; nothing but orchids +and grand opera tickets can make a girl +forget real embonpoint long enough to be +sentimental.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MEN don't talk about one another as +women do—perhaps because they find +it so much more interesting to talk about +themselves.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A FRANK husband and a kodak fiend teach +a woman that truth is indeed stranger and +more terrible than fiction.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cookingfondue" summary="cookingfondue"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>ONE touch of highball makes the whole +world spin.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S sense of honor is so peculiar that +it gets out of working condition the minute +he comes near a pretty woman.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who kisses a woman at the first +opportunity is either a fool or a cad; the +man who waits for the second opportunity +is a philosopher; the man who waits for +the third opportunity is a speculator; and +the man who waits any longer is—a freak.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE girl who has entertained her fiancé +every evening for a three years' engagement +may console herself with the hope +that she won't be liable to see so much of +him after marriage.</div> + +<div class='cap'>'TIS best for a man to be square, but a +woman is more lucky to be round.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cats" summary="cats"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a man has waked up the whole +family and half the neighborhood flinging +empty beer bottles at a cat on the back +fence he feels so refreshed that he can go +right back to sleep and snore straight +through a fire or a thunderstorm.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN the face of a man's childlike vanity it is so +difficult for a girl to decide to be ready +when he arrives and thereby look as +though she had been waiting for him, or +to keep him waiting and look as though +she had been primping for him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN will tell his troubles first to his God, +next to his lawyer, then to his valet, and +lastly—to his wife.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A LITTLE "absent treatment" now and +then is the best tonic for conjugal love; +an ounce of summer vacation is worth a +pound of divorce.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cupidkey" summary="cupidkey"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IT may cause a man sincere regret to get into +a foolish flirtation, but the only thing that +causes him real downright repentance is +not to be able to get out of it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TO fascinate an intelligent man pretend to +be silly; to attract a good man pretend to +be naughty; to win a fool pretend to be +clever; and to charm the devil pretend to +be a saint.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A GIRL loves to spell her soul out on paper, +but a man can't see the use of writing a +love-letter when he can compress his +whole passion into one paragraph on a post +card.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT is a sad fact that two people who go into +matrimony with the noble idea of sharing +one another's joys and ambitions so often +end by sharing nothing but one another's +towels and brushes and grouches.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="ridingcrop" summary="ridingcrop"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>A MODERN love affair is something like +English plum pudding: it contains very +little spice and sweetness and is mostly a +matter of "dough."</div> + +<div class='cap'>A FLIRT and his conscience are soon +parted.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN'S idea of constancy is being perfectly +devoted to some woman who is +either dead or too indifferent to demand +anything of him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE whole art of winning at either cards or +love consists in keeping a level head and +not taking the game seriously; but, alas—when +a man is playing for money and a +woman for matrimony they are bound to +take it seriously.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN mothers-in-law come in at the door +love flies out at the window.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="golftrophy" summary="golftrophy"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>A CLEVER woman can sometimes make a +fool of a man, but it takes a fluffy little +thing with a baby face and no brains or +morals to speak of to make him make a +fool of himself.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FAINT praise ne'er won fair lady.<br /><br /></div> + +<div class='cap'>GOING through life without love is like going +through a good dinner without an +appetite—everything seems so flat and +tasteless.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT is most provoking to a woman who is winning +in a quarrel to have a man suddenly +turn round and take the argument right +out of her mouth—with a kiss.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHERE do all of the lost hearts go? +Well, most of the masculine ones go +"down where the Wurzburger flows."</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="dancecard" summary="dancecard"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THE hardest problem of a girl's life is to +find out why a man seems bored if she +doesn't respond to him and frightened if +she does.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MENTAL science never cured a man of +love-sickness, because in the average +man's love mentality plays so small a +part.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MARRIED woman has an awfully small +chance of learning anything about her +husband's English vocabulary, for the +simple reason that he never addresses her +except in baby talk or swear words.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A $30-A-WEEK clerk always feels it incumbent +to take a girl to the theatre in +a taxicab. It requires a bona-fide millionaire +to drag her about in a five-cent +street car with perfect éclat and no apologies.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="cards" summary="cards"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>WHETHER a girl looks indignant or +happy after you have kissed her depends +a great deal on how long she has been +waiting for you to get up the courage to do +it.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TURNED-DOWN lovers tell no tales.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN a woman says "There are no secrets +between my husband and me," it +is a sure sign that she hasn't found out any +of his.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE are dozens of systems for winning +at roulette, but the only system for winning +at love is systematic flattery.</div> + +<div class='cap'>LOVE in a cottage doesn't seem so appalling +when you come to consider that there +is such a thing as matrimony in a modern +flat.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="painting" summary="painting"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>NO MAN is a really artistic lover who hasn't +enough dramatic instinct to forget all +other women while he is making love to +one.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF it weren't for the tiresome wedding journey +and the monotonous honeymoon, bridal +couples could begin being happy right +away.</div> + +<div class='cap'>EVEN though the dulcet iciness in her +voice ought to be more effective than a +shriek of warning, a man will go right on +telling his stout, <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'blond'">blonde</ins>blonde wife that she ought +to dress like the slim brunette next door.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THERE is something about a wife's tears +that washes all the color and starch out of +a man's love.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN married people can't come to +terms marriage should come to a termination.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="carracing" summary="carracing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>THE longest way round matrimony is the +shortest way to happiness.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE reason a man is so often tempted is +because most of the time that is what he +is sitting around waiting for.</div> + +<div class='cap'>FROM the stony silence into which the average +husband sinks after the honeymoon +there must be something almost unspeakable +about matrimony.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A WOMAN looks upon her first kiss as a +consecration; a man regards it as a desecration.</div> + +<div class='cap'>TIME and tide wait for no man, but the untied +woman has to wait for any man who +chooses to keep her waiting.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IN fashionable circles one wife and a dog +constitute a "family."</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="sailing" summary="sailing"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'><br /><br /><br /> + +<div class='cap'>IT MAY be very noble of a man to have no +secrets from the woman he loves, but it's +rather hard on all the other women he has +gotten over loving.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN who can marry the right girl and +won't marry her somehow always ends +by being made to marry the wrong one.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a good husband hasn't the nerve or +the courage to be anything else.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WIDOWS have all the honors without any +of the trials of matrimony; a live husband +is sometimes a necessity, but a dead +one is a real luxury.</div> + +<div class='cap'>MANY a man's idea of a wife is something +decorative to be kept around the house +and only taken out on show occasions like +the jewels in his safe and the horses in his +racing stable.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="valentine" summary="valentine"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>IN olden times sacrifices were made at the +altar—a custom which is still continued.</div> + +<div class='cap'>OF course every woman knows that the +man she loves is a "brute"—but unfortunately +that is one of the reasons why she +loves him.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE kind of woman who holds a man's devotion +forever is like a silky, self-satisfied +Angora cat who takes her petting as a matter +of course, never returns it, and never +gets on his nerve by asking for more.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IT isn't so much a man's sins and failings, +but the air of conscious pride with which +he accepts her comments on them that a +woman can't forgive.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THAT will be a great novel in which the +author can make the man who owns the +machine as fascinating as the chauffeur.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="twohearts" summary="twohearts"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot'> + +<div class='cap'>EVERY man honestly believes that franchise +in the hands of a woman is like a +loaded gun in the hands of a small boy—utterly +useless and sure to do damage to +somebody.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WAD some power the giftie gie us to see +ourselves as men's mothers see us—but +it wouldn't make us happy.</div> + +<div class='cap'>ONE reason why a dainty little thing like +a woman wastes her love on man-creature +with a rough chin, stubbly hair and a +smell of tobacco about his clothes is that +he is the only thing in that line.</div> + +<div class='cap'>A MAN will forgive a woman for almost +any indiscretion sooner than for leaving +her hair in the comb and for breaking the +Ten Commandments sooner than for leaving +her hot curling tongs where his fingers +can get on them.</div> + +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span></p> +<div class='center'> <table class="holdingphotos" summary="holdingphotos"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='blockquot2'> + +<div class='cap'>THE man who tries to mix his women +friends has about the same unfortunate results +as the man who tries to mix his +drinks.</div> + +<div class='cap'>'TIS better to have kissed and paid the cost +than never to have kissed at all.</div> + +<div class='cap'>THE word "court," whether it refers to the +way her husband won her or the place +where he lost her, always has a pleasant +sound to a grass widow.</div> + +<div class='cap'>IF a woman could veil her thoughts and feelings +as effectively as she veils her face she +would be so fascinating that no man could +resist her.</div> + +<div class='cap'>WHEN it comes to love-making men are +so unoriginal, that a sage, a fool and a +"lovers' letter-writer" all sound exactly +alike.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<div class='center'> <table class="insidecover" summary="insidecover"> +<tr><td align='left'><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> +<div class='blockquot3'> +<div class='cap'>HUSBANDS are +like Christmas +gifts: you can't choose +them; you've just got +to sit down and wait +until they arrive and +then appear perfectly +delighted with what +you get.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> + +<div class='center'> <table class="insidecover" summary="insidecover"> +<tr><td align='left'><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> +<div class='blockquot3'> +<div class='cap'>THE only way to +be happy with +a husband is to +learn to be happy +without him most of +the time.</div> +</div> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></td> +</tr></table></div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3> +<p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired.</p> +<p>Book title was added to top of text so that it did not begin only with the quotes printed on the inside +covers.</p> +<p>The remaining corrections made are indicated by dotted lines under the corrections. Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, by Helen Rowland + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR GIRL *** + +***** This file should be named 31700-h.htm or 31700-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/7/0/31700/ + +Produced by Emmy and the Online Distributed Proofreading +Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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