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diff --git a/31689.txt b/31689.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..08db9e8 --- /dev/null +++ b/31689.txt @@ -0,0 +1,863 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Membership Drive, by Murray F. Yaco + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Membership Drive + +Author: Murray F. Yaco + +Illustrator: Grayam + +Release Date: March 18, 2010 [EBook #31689] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMBERSHIP DRIVE *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +[Illustration: _Want to join our secret organization? Well, first you +have to pass the tests._] + + + + +MEMBERSHIP DRIVE + + + +By MURRAY F. YACO + + +ILLUSTRATED by GRAYAM + + + +Transcriber's Note: This e-text was produced from Amazing Science +Fiction Stories, July, 1960. Extensive research did not uncover any +evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed. + + + + +Thirty million miles out, Keeter began monitoring the planet's radio +and television networks. He kept the vigil for two sleepless days and +nights, then turned off the receivers and began a systematic study of +the notes he had taken on English idioms and irregular verbs. + +Twelve hours later, convinced that there would be no language +difficulty, he left the control room, went into his cabin and fell into +bed. He remained there for sixteen hours. + + +When he awoke, he walked to a locker at the end of his cabin, opened +the door and carefully selected clothing from a wardrobe that was +astonishing both for its size and variety. For headdress, he selected a +helmet that was not too different in design from the "space helmets" he +had viewed on a number of television programs. It would disappoint no +one, Keeter reflected happily, as he took a deep breath and blew an +almost imperceptible film of dust from the helmet's iridescent finish. + +Trousers and blouse were a little more of a problem, but finally he +compromised on items of a distinct military cut; both were black and +unembellished, providing, he hoped, an ascetic, spiritual tone to +temper the military aura. + +Boots were no problem at all. The black and silver pair he wore every +day were, by happy coincidence, a synthesis of the cowboy and military +footgear styling he had observed hour after weary hour on the pick-up +panel in the control room. + +He placed the helmet carefully on his head, took time to make sure that +it did not hide too great a portion of his impressively high forehead, +and then walked leisurely to the control room. + +In the control room he checked the relative position of two green +lights on the navigation panel, shut off the main drives, clicked the +viewscreen up to maximum magnification and took over the manual +controls. A little less than two hours later, at 11:30 A.M. Eastern +Standard Time, he landed smoothly and quietly near the Jefferson +Memorial in Washington, D.C. + +Watching from a port in the airlock, Keeter was impressed with the +restraint of the reception committee. Obviously, the entire city had +been alerted several hours before his arrival. Now, only orderly files +of military equipment could be seen on the city's streets, converging +cautiously toward the gleaming white hull and its lone occupant. + +He opened the airlock and stepped out on a small platform which held +him a full hundred feet above the grass covered park. He watched as an +armored vehicle approached within shouting distance, then stopped. +Telling himself that it was now or never, he raised both arms to the +sky, a gesture which spoke eloquently, he hoped, of peace, friendship +and trust. + + +Later that afternoon, behind locked doors and sitting somewhere near +the middle of an enormous conference table, Keeter nonchalantly +confessed to an excited gathering of public officials that he had +landed on the planet by accident. It was not, he implied, a very happy +accident. + +"I didn't know where the hell I was," he explained carelessly, in +excellent English that awesomely contained the suggestion of a +midwestern twang. "Some kind of trouble with the ship's computor--if +you know what a computor is." He suppressed a yawn with the back of his +hand and continued. "Anyway, the thing will repair itself by morning +and I'll get out of your hair. Too bad I had to land in a populated +area and stir up so much fuss, but from the ship this place looked more +like an abandoned rock quarry than a city. Now, if it's okay with you, +I'll get back to the ship and--" + +A senator, Filmore by name, at the opposite end of the table jumped to +his feet. "You mean you had no intention of contacting us? My God, man, +don't you realize what this means to us? For the first time, we have +proof that we're not alone in the universe! You can't just--" + +Keeter called for silence with an impatient wave of his hand. "Come, +come, gentlemen. You're not the only other humanoid race in the galaxy. +We don't have time to call on every undeveloped race we happen to run +across. Besides, I never did like playing the role of 'the mysterious +alien who appears unannounced from outer space.' Primitives always +require so much explanation." + +"Primitives!" exploded the senator. "Why, of all the impudent--" + +The senator was quieted by a colleague who placed his hand over the +offended man's mouth. + +The presiding officer at the meeting, a General Beemish, arose and +addressed the visitor. "We realize that from your point of view this +planet has not exactly achieved the cultural or technological level of +your, er, homeland--" + +"You said a mouthful," agreed Keeter, who was now cleaning his nails +with the pin attached to a United Nations emblem that somebody had +stuck to his tunic earlier in the day. + +"Look," said the general, gamely trying again. "We're not quite as +unsophisticated as you seem to think. There are three billion persons +on this planet--persons who are well fed, reasonably well educated, +persons who owe allegiance to only one government. We're making great +strides technologically, too. Within a decade, we'll be established on +the moon--our satellite. Why, even our school children are +space-minded." + +"Sure," said Keeter, who had turned in his chair and was now staring +out the window. "Nice little place you got here. Say, is there a +bathroom around this place. I gotta--" + +Someone showed the visitor to a bathroom where to everyone's +astonishment he proceeded to remove his clothes and leisurely shower. +The meeting was adjourned for thirty minutes. When he had finished his +shower, he dressed, walked back into the conference room, waved a +cheery good-bye, and before anyone realized what was happening, he had +unlocked the door from the inside and closed it behind him. + +For a full thirty seconds, no one said anything. Then suddenly someone +managed to gasp, "My God, what'll we do?" + +"There's nothing we can do," said General Beemish. There were tears in +his eyes. + + +Keeter walked all the way back to the ship. It took him an hour and +forty minutes. Long enough, he hoped, for someone to have scooted ahead +and notified the military personnel guarding the area to keep hands +off. + +No one attempted to stop him. He boarded the ship, made himself +something to eat, walked to a stock room and pocketed a defective +transistor from an unemptied disposal tube in a corner. Five minutes +later he reappeared on the platform outside of the airlock. Fifteen +minutes later he was delivered in a military staff car to the +conference room he had left barely two hours before. + +Everyone was transfigured by his reappearance. Beemish looked +especially radiant as Keeter sat down at the table, pulled the +transistor from his pocket, and stated his business quickly. + +"Look, it's probably no use asking, but I need a repair part for that +damned computor. Something's wrong with the automatic repair circuits, +and I don't feel like staying up all night to find the trouble." He +held the transistor toward them at arm's length. "Frankly, I don't +think you'll have much luck reproducing it, but I thought I'd ask +anyway--" + +"May I see it?" asked Beemish, leaning forward and eagerly stretching +out a hand. + +Keeter seemed to hesitate for a minute, then shrugged his shoulders and +dropped the transistor into the general's sweating palm. + +Three persons got up from the table and crowded around Beemish, trying +to get a look at the alien product. + +"Well," said Keeter. "What do you think? If it's too far advanced for +you, don't hesitate to say so. I'll just get back to the ship and start +working." + +"Not at all, not at all," said a small, white haired man who had +finally wrested the transistor from Beemish. He squinted at the thing +through a pocket magnifier. "We'll have it for you by morning, I'm +quite sure." + +"I'm not quite so sure," said Keeter, yawning, "but I need the sleep +anyway. See you here at eight in the morning." He yawned again, got up +from the table and walked out once more through the door. + + +When Keeter reappeared in the morning, Beemish ushered him into the +conference room with a hearty clap on the back. When everyone was +seated, he pulled a small jewel box from a pocket and handed it +ceremoniously to Keeter. + +"I already ate breakfast," said Keeter, setting the box on the table. + +"No, no, no," groaned Beemish. "That's not food--open it up, man!" + +Keeter lifted the box to eye level, squinted at it suspiciously for a +moment, then sniffed it. "You're sure--" + +"Yes, yes," shouted a dozen impatient voices, "open it, open it up!" + +Keeter shrugged and opened the box. Twelve tiny, identical transistors +lay gleaming on a bed of black velvet. + +"Well?" said Beemish, eagerly. + +"Hm-m," answered Keeter. + +"What do you mean, hm-m," asked Beemish nervously. + +"I mean it's a silly damn way to pack transistors." + +"But--" + +"But they look like they'll do the job," said Keeter, snapping the lid +closed. + +The sighs of relief were heard in the corridor. + +Keeter pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. "I realize +that I've put you all to a lot of trouble, and I'd like to offer some +kind of payment for your services, but frankly, gentlemen, I don't know +how I can--" + +"Oh, you can, you can," interrupted Beemish excitedly. "What I mean to +say is that if you really want to, you can." + +"How?" + +"Why, er, you could provide us with a small amount of information." +Beemish looked definitely nervous. + +"Be more specific, general." Keeter was beginning to look grim. + +"Well, we were thinking--I mean, it would be nice if you'd agree to +have a friendly chat with some of our people. For instance, an hour or +so with our physicists, then maybe a half hour with a few sociologists, +and perhaps the same amount of time with the senator's committee--" + + +Keeter closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay, okay, boys, but let's make it +quick. Also, let's keep it to twenty minutes for each inquisition. Come +on, when do we start? Now?" + +The scientists were the first--and the easiest. He gave them just +enough information to whet their appetites, just enough to plant the +suggestion that it took a great deal of tolerance and patience on his +part to hold an interview with such backward people. + +"Gentlemen, I'd love to explain the principle of the neutrino drive, +but frankly, I don't know where to begin. You--you just don't have the +mathematics for it." He didn't bother to add that neither did he. + +"Yes, of course, I'm sure I understand what you're getting at. My God, +why shouldn't I? Even a child could understand those equations." + +"You call _that_ a representation of the mass-energy constant? No +offense, old man, but I'm afraid you're going to have to start all over +again. Invention doesn't take the place of research, you know." + + +The social scientists were next: + +"As I explained a moment ago, we are heterosexual and live an organized +community life, but not in any cultural context that could be explained +by the term. You might say that our cultural continuum (although the +term for us is quite meaningless) is a function of an intricately +structured social organism, with institutional coordinates that are +largely internalized. Do you follow me gentlemen?" They certainly did +not. + +But the senator's committee, as usual, got the information it wanted. + + +_Senator Humper:_ Now, young man, you claim that your base is on one of +three inhabited planets of Aldebaran. You also claim that in the known +universe there are twelve hundred or more inhabited worlds, all welded +together in a kind of super United Nations. Did you or did you not +state as much? + +_Keeter:_ Uh-huh. + +_Humper:_ Well, now it appears that we're getting some place. Tell us, +how does each planet manage to qualify for--er--membership in this +organization? + +_Keeter:_ Why, they have to pass the test, of course. + +_Humper:_ Test? What test? + +_Keeter:_ The Brxll-Hawkre-Gaal test. We administer it to anybody who +seems to be qualified. + +_Humper:_ Er--tell us, young man, just exactly what sort of test is +this? An intelligence test? + +_Keeter:_ Yes, you might call it that, although it has a number of +sections. Actually, Gaal has divided it into three parts. + +_Humper:_ I see. Well, what kind of parts? + +_Keeter:_ Well, let's see. First there's the fuel test. + +_Humper:_ Fuel test? + +_Keeter:_ Let me explain, all very simple really. Let's take the case +of a planet that seems to be qualified for Federation membership in +every respect but one. They don't have interstellar flight. Now--since +membership imposes duties requiring commercial, diplomatic and +scientific intercourse between member worlds, the applicant must be +able, within a comparatively short time, to engineer its own +transportation. Follow me? + +_Humper:_ Yes. Yes, go on. + +_Keeter:_ Well, since the biggest technological stumbling block for +most planets in such a situation is the development of the necessary +fuel, we'll help them along. In other words, we give them the fuel +test; we supply a sample quantity of Z-67As--our standard thermonuclear +power source. If the applicant, working with the sample, is able to +reproduce the fuel in quantity, then that's it. They've passed that +portion of the test, and at the same time have developed the means for +interstellar flight. Follow me? + +_Humper:_ Yes, of course. Now how about the second part of the test? + +_Keeter:_ Oh, yes, that's the weapons section. + +_Humper:_ I'm sorry, I'm afraid I didn't hear you. I thought you said +weapons. + +_Keeter:_ I did. You see, it's a matter of self defense. There are a +number of primitive worlds that _have_ developed interstellar flight, +but have not achieved the cultural and social levels that would qualify +them for membership. As a result, they become rather nasty about this +exclusion, and devote themselves to warring against any Federation ship +that comes within range. You'd call them pirates, I think. Anyway, the +Federation Patrol keeps them pretty well in hand, but occasionally, the +Blues--that's our nickname for them since all their ships are blue--do +manage to waylay a ship or raid a Federation planet. So naturally, +every ship must carry suitable armament; the standard equipment is an +R-37ax computor missile--even more complicated for an applicant to +manufacture than the reactor fuel. Therefore we provide a sample +missile along with our blessings. The rest is up to the applicant. + +_Humper:_ And the last part of the test? + +_Keeter:_ Oh, that's genetic. We require a specimen, a woman from the +applicant's world. She's taken to a Federation laboratory, evaluated +genetically, physiologically, psychologically. Our people are able to +extrapolate the future racial--and to some degree cultural--development +of the entire planet after about two weeks works. Needless to say, the +entire process of testing is painless; the subject is made as +comfortable as possible. And after the test period, the specimen is +returned as quickly as possible to her home world. + +_Humper:_ Well, now, don't you think--after what you've seen of +us--that we might possibly qualify, at least qualify to take the test? +I'm sure you'll be surprised-- + +_Keeter:_ Oh, no you don't! I've fulfilled whatever obligation I had by +answering your questions. That was the agreement, remember? Information +in exchange for the transistors. Now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me-- + + +Keeter allowed himself to be delivered back to the ship in a staff car. +Beemish and several others were on hand to see him off. He shook hands +all around--a custom which amused him immensely, since the same act +meant something tremendously different in most other parts of the +universe. + +Back in the ship, he walked to his cabin, stripped off his clothes, +showered, ate, dressed again. Going into the control room, he checked a +number of detectors, found no evidence that any Blues were hunting for +him, left the control room and walked back to a supply room. + +Here, he selected a plastic vacuum solenoid from a rack, hefted it in +one hand for a moment, then deliberately let it drop to the floor. He +picked it up, squinted at it, then walked out to the airlock. + + +General Beemish was delighted. Everyone was delighted. "No trouble at +all," said Beemish, who had already made a phone call that had +galvanized two thousand scientists and technicians into action. "We'll +have it for you in no time." + +"I certainly hope so," said Keeter. Some of the flippancy had left him, +and it was apparent that this new bid for assistance was causing him +considerable embarrassment--for a short time, anyway. + +"Yes sir," said Beemish, grinning. "Glad to be of help, in fact, we're +flattered that you'd let us, primitive as we are, help at all. We +primitives don't often have an opportunity to do this sort of thing, +you know." Beemish believed in rubbing while the rubbing was good. + +The solenoids, forty in all, were delivered the following morning. They +were packaged in a small black box lined with velvet. This time Keeter +made no comment about the packaging. Instead, he rose from his chair in +the conference room, tucked the box under an arm, and addressed the +group. "Gentlemen, I'd like you to know just how much I appreciate this +favor. Evidently, I misjudged your level of technology, and for this I +apologize. I don't know how I can repay you for this latest favor, but +if you'd like, I'll be glad to formally submit your planet's +application for Federation Membership as soon as I return to +Aldebaran." + +"When will that be?" asked Senator Humper unceremoniously. + +"Oh, about ten of your years, at a guess." + +"Ten years! My God, man. Can't you do something sooner?" + +"Well--I suppose, I could administer the first two parts of the test +myself. Why, yes, I suppose I could drop off your samples and your +specimen at the Federation branch laboratory in Andromeda--." + +"Wonderful!" shouted Beemish. "When do we begin?" + +He was genuinely awed when three weeks later they began loading +enormous quantities of Z-67As into his ship. He did not check the +stuff, but had no doubts that it was, atom for atom, identical to the +sample of fuel he had given them. + + +The R37Ax computor missiles arrived the same afternoon. There were four +hundred of them. He selected one at random and had it taken into the +ship's laboratory. Here, he ran a number of routine tests. The missile +was not identical to the sample! They had made a number of improvements +in the circuitry! Keeter reflected grimly that a race such as this +would probably be able to deduce a launching and firing system for the +thing, would probably have the planet ringed with launching stations +within weeks. If the Blues _had_ picked up a trace of him, he +reflected, they would be atomized before they got within half a million +miles of the planet. + +The specimen for genetics, which he had almost forgotten about, arrived +an hour before he was scheduled to depart. He was stunned again. She +was undoubtedly the most attractive woman Keeter had ever set eyes on. + +"Oh, I'm so excited," said the young lady, in a voice slightly +suggestive of the virgin on the way to the sacrifice. + +"I'm excited, too," said Keeter honestly. + +In the control room, Keeter set a course for Arcturus. He then tripped +a lever which fed a month's supply of the earthmen's fuel into the +ship's almost empty reaction chambers. Another lever fed 50 computor +missiles into 50 completely empty launching racks. + +He checked the detectors, but found no trace of the blue ships of the +Federation Patrol. Keeter allowed himself the luxury of a sigh. It was +a long way to Arcturus, a long, lonely way--even for a hardened pirate, +he reflected sadly. Then he remembered that that was why he had asked +for the girl. + + +THE END + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Membership Drive, by Murray F. 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