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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/31626-8.txt b/31626-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..44c53ae --- /dev/null +++ b/31626-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,845 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Vilbar Party, by Evelyn E. Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Vilbar Party + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: KOSSIN + +Release Date: March 15, 2010 [EBook #31626] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VILBAR PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +The Vilbar Party + +By EVELYN E. SMITH + +Illustrated by KOSSIN + +[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +January 1955. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] + + +[Sidenote: _"Nuts to you!" was what Narli knew Earthmen would tell +him ... only it was frismil nuts!_] + +"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tomorrow night," Professor Slood +said cajolingly. "You _will_ come this time, won't you, Narli?" + +Narli Gzann rubbed his forehead fretfully. "You know how I feel about +parties, Karn." He took a frismil nut out of the tray on his desk and +nibbled it in annoyance. + +"But this is in your honor, Narli--a farewell party. You must go. It +would be--it would be unthinkable if you didn't." Karn Slood's eyes were +pleading. He could not possibly be held responsible for his friend's +anti-social behavior and yet, Narli knew, he would somehow feel at +fault. + +Narli sighed. He supposed he would have to conform to public sentiment +in this particular instance, but he was damned if he would give in +gracefully. "After all, what's so special about the occasion? I'm just +leaving to take another teaching job, that's all." He took another nut. + +"That's _all_!" Slood's face swelled with emotion. "You can't really be +that indifferent." + +"Another job, that's all it is to me," Narli persisted. "At an +exceptionally high salary, of course, or I wouldn't dream of accepting a +position so inconveniently located." + +Slood was baffled and hurt and outraged. "You have been honored by being +the first of our people to be offered an exchange professorship on +another planet," he said stiffly, "and you call it 'just another job.' +Why, I would have given my right antenna to get it!" + +Narli realized that he had again overstepped the invisible boundary +between candor and tactlessness. He poked at the nuts with a stylus. + +"Honored by being the first of our species to be offered a +guinea-pigship," he murmured. + +He had not considered this aspect of the matter before, but now that it +occurred to him, he was probably right. + +"Oh, I don't mind, really." He waved away the other's sudden +commiseration. "You know I like being alone most of the time, so I won't +find that uncomfortable. Students are students, whether they're +Terrestrials or Saturnians. I suppose they'll laugh at me behind my +back, but then even here, my students always did that." + +He gave a hollow laugh and unobtrusively put out one of his hands for a +nut. "At least on Earth I'll know why they're laughing." + +There was pain on Slood's expressive face as he firmly removed the nut +tray from his friend's reach. "I didn't think of it from that angle, +Narli. Of course you're right. Human beings, from what I've read of +them, are not noted for tolerance. It will be difficult, but I'm sure +you'll be able to--" he choked on the kindly lie--"win them over." + +Narli repressed a bitter laugh. Anyone less likely than he to win over a +hostile alien species through sheer personal charm could hardly be found +on Saturn. Narli Gzann had been chosen as first exchange professor +between Saturn and Earth because of his academic reputation, not his +personality. But although the choosers had probably not had that aspect +of the matter in mind, the choice, he thought, was a wise one. + +As an individual of solitary habits, he was not apt to be much lonelier +on one planet than another. + +And he had accepted the post largely because he felt that, as an alien +being, he would be left strictly alone. This would give him the chance +to put in a lot of work on his definitive history of the Solar System, a +monumental project from which he begrudged all the time he had to spend +in fulfilling even the minimum obligations expected of a professor on +sociable Saturn. + +The salary was a weighty factor, too--not only was it more than twice +what he had been getting, but since there would be no necessity for +spending more than enough for bare subsistence he would be able to save +up a considerable amount and retire while still comparatively young. It +was pleasant to imagine a scholarly life unafflicted by students. + +He could put up with a good deal for that goal. + +But how could he alleviate the distress he saw on Karn's face? He did +not consciously want to hurt the only person who, for some strange +reason, seemed to be fond of him, so he said the only thing he could +think of to please: "All right, Karn, I'll go to the Perzils tomorrow +night." + +It would be a deadly bore--parties always were--and he would eat too +much, but, after all, the thought that it would be a long time before +he'd ever see any of his own kind again would make the affair almost +endurable. And just this once it would be all right for him to eat as +much as he wanted. When he was on Earth out of reach of decent food, he +would probably trim down considerably. + + * * * * * + +"I just _know_ you're going to love Earth, Professor Gzann," the hostess +on the interplanetary liner gushed. + +"I'm sure I shall," he lied politely. She smiled at him too much, +over-doing her professional cordiality; underneath the effusiveness, he +sensed the repulsion. Of course he couldn't blame her for trying not to +show her distaste for the strange creature--the effort at concealment +was, as a matter of fact, more than he had expected from a Terrestrial. +But he wished she would leave him alone to meditate. He had planned to +get a lot of meditation done on the journey. + +"You speak awfully good English," she told him. + +He looked at her. "I am said to have some scholarly aptitude. I +understand that's why I was chosen as an exchange professor. It does +seem reasonable, doesn't it?" + +She turned pink--a sign of embarrassment with these creatures, he had +learned. "I didn't mean to--to question your ability, Professor. It's +just that--well, you don't look like a professor." + +"Indeed?" he said frostily. "And what do I look like, then?" + +She turned even rosier. "Oh--I--I don't know exactly. It's just +that--well...." And she fled. + +He couldn't resist flicking his antennae forward to catch her _sotto +voce_ conversation with the co-pilot; it was so seldom you got the +chance to learn what others were saying about you behind your back. "But +I could hardly tell him he looks like a teddy bear, could I?" + +"He probably doesn't even know what a teddy bear is." + +"Perhaps I don't," Narli thought resentfully, "but I can guess." + +With low cunning, the Terrestrials seemed to have ferreted out the +identity of all his favorite dishes and kept serving them to him +incessantly. By the time the ship made planetfall on Earth, he had +gained ten grisbuts. + +"Oh, well," he thought, "I suppose it's all just part of the regular +diplomatic service. On Earth, I'll have to eat crude native foods, so +I'll lose all the weight again." + +President Purrington of North America came himself to meet Narli at the +airfield because Narli was the first interplanetary exchange professor +in history. + +"Welcome to our planet, Professor Gzann," he said with warm diplomatic +cordiality, wringing Narli's upper right hand after a moment of +indecision. "We shall do everything in our power to make your stay here +a happy and memorable one." + +"I wish you would begin by doing something about the climate," Narli +thought. It was stupid of him not to have realized how hot it would be +on Earth. He was really going to suffer in this torrid climate; +especially in the tight Terrestrial costume he wore over his fur for the +sake of conformity. Of course, justice compelled him to admit to +himself, the clothes wouldn't have become so snug if he hadn't eaten +quite so much on board ship. + +Purrington indicated the female beside him. "May I introduce my wife?" + +"Ohhh," the female gasped, "isn't he _cute_!" + +The President and Narli stared at her in consternation. She looked +abashed for a moment, then smiled widely at Narli and the press +photographers. + +"Welcome to Earth, dear Professor Gzann!" she exclaimed, mispronouncing +his name, of course. Bending down, she kissed him right upon his fuzzy +forehead. + +Kissing was not a Saturnian practice, nor did Narli approve of it; +however, he had read enough about Earth to know that Europeans sometimes +greeted dignitaries in this peculiar way. Only this place, he had been +given to understand, was not Europe but America. + +[Illustration] + +"I am having a cocktail party in your honor this afternoon!" she beamed, +smoothing her flowered print dress down over her girdle. "You'll be +there at five sharp, won't you, dear?" + +"Delighted," he promised dismally. He could hardly plead a previous +engagement a moment after arriving. + +"I've tried to get all the things you like to eat," she went on +anxiously, "but you will tell me if there's anything special, won't +you?" + +"I am on a diet," he said. He must be strong. Probably the food would be +repulsive anyhow, so he'd have no difficulty controlling his appetite. +"Digestive disorders, you know. A glass of Vichy and a biscuit will +be...." + +He stopped, for there were tears in Mrs. Purrington's eyes. "Your tummy +hurts? Oh, you poor little darling!" + +"Gladys!" the President said sharply. + +There were frismil nuts at Mrs. Purrington's cocktail party and vilbar +and even slipnis broogs ... all imported at fabulous expense, Narli +knew, but then this was a government affair and expense means nothing to +a government since, as far as it is concerned, money grows on taxpayers. +Some of the native foods proved surprisingly palatable, too--pâté de +foie gras and champagne and little puff pastries full of delightful +surprises. Narli was afraid he was making a zloogle of himself. However, +he thought, trying not to catch sight of his own portly person in the +mirrors that walled the room, the lean days were just ahead. + +Besides, what could he do when everyone insisted on pressing food on +him? "Try this, Professor Gzann." "Do try that, Professor Gzann." +("Doesn't he look cunning in his little dress suit?") They crowded +around him. The women cooed, the men beamed, and Narli ate. He would be +glad when he could detach himself from all this cloying diplomacy and +get back to the healthy rancor of the classroom. + + * * * * * + +At school, the odor of chalk dust, ink and rotting apple cores was +enough like its Saturnian equivalent to make Narli feel at home +immediately. The students would dislike him on sight, he knew. It is in +the nature of the young to be hostile toward whatever is strange and +alien. They would despise him and jeer at him, and he, in his turn, +would give them long, involved homework assignments and such difficult +examinations that they would fail.... + +Narli waddled briskly up to his desk which had, he saw, been scaled down +to Saturnian size, whereas he had envisioned himself struggling +triumphantly with ordinary Earth-sized, furniture. But the atmosphere +was as hot and sticky and intolerable as he had expected. Panting as +unobtrusively as possible, he rapped with his pointer. "Attention, +students!" + +Now should come the derisive babble ... but there was a respectful +silence, broken suddenly by a shrill feminine whisper of, "Oooo, he's so +adorable!" followed by the harsh, "Shhh, Ava! You'll embarrass the poor +little thing." + +Narli's face swelled. "I am your new professor of Saturnian Studies. +Saturn, as you probably know, is a major planet. It is much larger and +more important than Earth, which is only a minor planet." + +The students obediently took this down in their notebooks. They +carefully took down everything he said. Even a bout of coughing that +afflicted him half-way through seemed to be getting a phonetic +transcription. From time to time, they would interrupt his lecture with +questions so pertinent, so well-thought out and so courteous that all he +could do was answer them. + +His antennae lifted to catch the whispers that from time to time were +exchanged between even the best-behaved of the students. "Isn't he +precious?" "Seems like a nice fellow--sound grasp of his subject." +"Sweet little thing!" "Unusually interesting presentation." "Doesn't he +remind you of Winnie the Pooh?" "Able chap." "Just darling!" + +After class, instead of rushing out of the room, they hovered around his +desk with intelligent, solicitous questions. Did he like Earth? Was his +desk too high? Too low? Didn't he find it hot with all that fur? Such +lovely, soft, fluffy fur, though. "Do you mind if I stroke one of your +paws--_hands_--Professor?" ("So cuddly-looking!") + +He said yes, as a matter of fact, he was hot, and no, he didn't mind +being touched in a spirit of scientific investigation. + +He had a moment of uplift at the teachers' cafeteria when he discovered +lunch to be virtually inedible. The manager, however, had been +distressed to see him pick at his food, and by dinner-time a +distinguished chef with an expert knowledge of Saturnian cuisine had +been rushed from Washington. Since the school food was inedible for all +intelligent life-forms, everyone ate the Saturnian dishes and praised +Narli as a public benefactor. + + * * * * * + +That night, alone in the quiet confines of his small room at the Men's +Faculty Club, Narli had spread out his notes and was about to start work +on his history when there was a knock at the door. He trotted over to +open it, grumbling to himself. + +The head of his department smiled brightly down at him. "Some of us are +going out for a couple of drinks and a gabfest. Care to come along?" + +Narli did not see how he could refuse and still carry the Saturnian's +burden, so he accepted. Discovering that gin fizzes and Alexanders were +even more palatable than champagne and more potent than vilbar, he told +several Saturnine locker-room stories which were hailed with loud +merriment. But he was being laughed _at_, not _with_, he knew. All this +false cordiality, he assured himself, would die down after a couple of +days, and then he would be able to get back to work. He must curb his +intellectual impatience. + +In the morning, he found that enrollment in his classes had doubled, and +the room was crowded to capacity with the bright, shining, eager faces +of young Terrestrials athirst for learning. There were apples, +chocolates and imported frismil nuts on his desk, as well as a pressing +invitation from Mrs. Purrington for him to spend all his weekends and +holidays at the White House. The window was fitted with an +air-conditioning unit which, he later discovered, his classes had +chipped in to buy for him, and the temperature had been lowered to a +point where it was almost comfortable. All the students wore coats. + +When he went out on the campus, women--students, teachers, even +strangers--stopped to talk to him, to exclaim over him, to touch him, +even to kiss him. Photographers were perpetually taking pictures, some +of which turned up in the Student Union as full-color postcards. They +sold like Lajl out of season. + +Narli wrote in Saturnian on the back of one: "Having miserable time; be +glad you're not here," and sent it to Slood. + +There were cocktail parties, musicales and balls in Narli's honor. When +he tried to refuse an invitation, he was accused of shyness and +virtually dragged to the affair by laughing members of the faculty. He +put on so much weight that he had to buy a complete new Terrestrial +outfit, which set him back a pretty penny. As a result, he had to +augment his income by lecturing to women's clubs. They slobbered +appallingly. + + * * * * * + +Narli's students did all their homework assiduously and, in fact, put in +more work than had been assigned. At the end of the year, not only did +all of them pass, but with flying colors. + +"I hope you'll remember, Professor Gzann," the President of the +University said, "that there will always be a job waiting for you +here--a non-exchange professorship. Love to have you." + +"Thank you," Narli replied politely. + +Mrs. Purrington broke into loud sobs when he told her he was leaving +Earth. "Oh, I'll miss you so, Narli! You will write, won't you?" + +"Yes, of course," he said grimly. That made two hundred and eighteen +people to whom he'd had to promise to write. + +It was fortunate he was traveling as a guest of the North American +government, he thought as he supervised the loading of his matched +interplanetary luggage; his eight steamer baskets; his leather-bound +_Encyclopedia Terrestria_, with his name imprinted in gold on each +volume; his Indian war-bonnet; his oil painting of the President; and +his six cases of champagne--all parting gifts--onto the liner. Otherwise +the fee for excess luggage would take what little remained of his bank +account. There had been so many expenses--clothes and hostess gifts and +ice. + +Not all his mementoes were in his luggage. A new rare-metal watch +gleamed on each of his four furry wrists; a brand-new trobskin wallet, +platinum key-chain, and uranium fountain pen were in his pocket; and a +diamond and curium bauble clasped a tie lovingly handpainted by a female +student. The argyles on his fuzzy ankles had been knitted by another. +Still another devoted pupil had presented him with a hand-woven plastic +case full of frismil nuts to eat on the way back. + + * * * * * + +"Well, Narli!" Slood said, his face swelling with joy. "Well, well! +You've put on weight, I see." + +Narli dropped into his old chair with a sigh. Surely Slood might have +picked something else to comment on first--his haggardness, for +instance, or the increased spirituality of his expression. + +"Nothing else to do on Earth in your leisure moments but eat, I +suppose," Slood said, pushing over the nut tray. "Even their food. Have +some frismils." + +"No, thank you," Narli replied coldly. + +Slood looked at him in distress. "Oh, how you must have suffered! Was it +very, very bad, Narli?" + +Narli hunched low in his chair. "It was just awful." + +"I'm sure they didn't mean to be unkind," Slood assured him. "Naturally, +you were a strange creature to them and they're only--" + +"_Unkind?_" Narli gave a bitter laugh. "They practically killed me with +kindness! It was fuss, fuss, fuss all the time." + +"Now, Narli, I do wish you wouldn't be quite so sarcastic." + +"I'm _not_ being sarcastic. And I wasn't a strange creature to them. It +seems there's a sort of popular child's toy on Earth known as a--" he +winced--"teddy bear. I aroused pleasant childhood memories in them, so +they showered me with affection and edibles." + +Slood closed his eyes in anguish. "You are very brave, Narli," he said +almost reverently. "Very brave and wise and good. Certainly that would +be the best thing to tell our people. After all, the Terrestrials are +our allies; we don't want to stir up public sentiment against them. But +you can be honest with _me_, Narli. Did they refuse to serve you in +restaurants? Were you segregated in public vehicles? Did they shrink +from you when you came close?" + +Narli beat the desk with all four hands. "I was hardly ever given the +chance to be alone! They crawled all over me! Restaurants begged for my +trade! I had to hire private vehicles because in public ones I was +mobbed by admirers!" + +"Such a short time," Slood murmured, "and already suspicious of even me, +your oldest friend. But don't talk about it if you don't want to, +Narli.... Tell me, though, did they sneer at you and whisper +half-audible insults? Did they--" + +"You're right!" Narli snapped. "I _don't_ want to talk about it." + +Slood placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder. "Perhaps that's +wisest, until the shock of your experience has worn off." + +Narli made an irritable noise. + +"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tonight," Slood said. "But I know +how you feel about parties. I've told them you're exhausted from your +trip and won't be able to make it." + +"Oh, you did, did you?" Narli asked ironically. "What makes you think +you know how I feel about parties?" + +"But--" + +"There's an interesting saying on Earth: 'Travel is so broadening.'" He +looked down at his bulges with tolerant amusement. "In more than one +way, in case the meaning eludes you. Very sound psychologically. I've +discovered that I _like_ parties. I _like_ being _liked_. If you'll +excuse me, I'm going to inform the Perzils that I shall be delighted to +come to their party. Care to join me?" + +"Well," Slood mumbled, "I'd like to, but I have so much work--" + +"Introvert!" said Narli, and he began dialing the Perzils. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Vilbar Party, by Evelyn E. 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Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Vilbar Party + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: KOSSIN + +Release Date: March 15, 2010 [EBook #31626] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VILBAR PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h1>The Vilbar Party</h1> + +<h2>By EVELYN E. SMITH</h2> + +<h3>Illustrated by KOSSIN</h3> + +<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +January 1955. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> + + +<div class="sidenote"><i>"Nuts to you!" was what Narli knew Earthmen would tell him +... only it was frismil nuts!</i></div> + +<p>"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tomorrow night," Professor Slood +said cajolingly. "You <i>will</i> come this time, won't you, Narli?"</p> + +<p>Narli Gzann rubbed his forehead fretfully. "You know how I feel about +parties, Karn." He took a frismil nut out of the tray on his desk and +nibbled it in annoyance.</p> + +<p>"But this is in your honor, Narli—a farewell party. You must go. It +would be—it would be unthinkable if you didn't." Karn Slood's eyes were +pleading. He could not possibly be held responsible for his friend's +anti-social behavior and yet, Narli knew, he would somehow feel at +fault.</p> + +<p>Narli sighed. He supposed he would have to conform to public sentiment +in this particular instance, but he was damned if he would give in +gracefully. "After all, what's so special about the occasion? I'm just +leaving to take another teaching job, that's all." He took another nut.</p> + +<p>"That's <i>all</i>!" Slood's face swelled with emotion. "You can't really be +that indifferent."</p> + +<p>"Another job, that's all it is to me," Narli persisted. "At an +exceptionally high salary, of course, or I wouldn't dream of accepting a +position so inconveniently located."</p> + +<p>Slood was baffled and hurt and outraged. "You have been honored by being +the first of our people to be offered an exchange professorship on +another planet," he said stiffly, "and you call it 'just another job.' +Why, I would have given my right antenna to get it!"</p> + +<p>Narli realized that he had again overstepped the invisible boundary +between candor and tactlessness. He poked at the nuts with a stylus.</p> + +<p>"Honored by being the first of our species to be offered a +guinea-pigship," he murmured.</p> + +<p>He had not considered this aspect of the matter before, but now that it +occurred to him, he was probably right.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't mind, really." He waved away the other's sudden +commiseration. "You know I like being alone most of the time, so I won't +find that uncomfortable. Students are students, whether they're +Terrestrials or Saturnians. I suppose they'll laugh at me behind my +back, but then even here, my students always did that."</p> + +<p>He gave a hollow laugh and unobtrusively put out one of his hands for a +nut. "At least on Earth I'll know why they're laughing."</p> + +<p>There was pain on Slood's expressive face as he firmly removed the nut +tray from his friend's reach. "I didn't think of it from that angle, +Narli. Of course you're right. Human beings, from what I've read of +them, are not noted for tolerance. It will be difficult, but I'm sure +you'll be able to—" he choked on the kindly lie—"win them over."</p> + +<p>Narli repressed a bitter laugh. Anyone less likely than he to win over a +hostile alien species through sheer personal charm could hardly be found +on Saturn. Narli Gzann had been chosen as first exchange professor +between Saturn and Earth because of his academic reputation, not his +personality. But although the choosers had probably not had that aspect +of the matter in mind, the choice, he thought, was a wise one.</p> + +<p>As an individual of solitary habits, he was not apt to be much lonelier +on one planet than another.</p> + +<p>And he had accepted the post largely because he felt that, as an alien +being, he would be left strictly alone. This would give him the chance +to put in a lot of work on his definitive history of the Solar System, a +monumental project from which he begrudged all the time he had to spend +in fulfilling even the minimum obligations expected of a professor on +sociable Saturn.</p> + +<p>The salary was a weighty factor, too—not only was it more than twice +what he had been getting, but since there would be no necessity for +spending more than enough for bare subsistence he would be able to save +up a considerable amount and retire while still comparatively young. It +was pleasant to imagine a scholarly life unafflicted by students.</p> + +<p>He could put up with a good deal for that goal.</p> + +<p>But how could he alleviate the distress he saw on Karn's face? He did +not consciously want to hurt the only person who, for some strange +reason, seemed to be fond of him, so he said the only thing he could +think of to please: "All right, Karn, I'll go to the Perzils tomorrow +night."</p> + +<p>It would be a deadly bore—parties always were—and he would eat too +much, but, after all, the thought that it would be a long time before +he'd ever see any of his own kind again would make the affair almost +endurable. And just this once it would be all right for him to eat as +much as he wanted. When he was on Earth out of reach of decent food, he +would probably trim down considerably.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"I just <i>know</i> you're going to love Earth, Professor Gzann," the hostess +on the interplanetary liner gushed.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I shall," he lied politely. She smiled at him too much, +over-doing her professional cordiality; underneath the effusiveness, he +sensed the repulsion. Of course he couldn't blame her for trying not to +show her distaste for the strange creature—the effort at concealment +was, as a matter of fact, more than he had expected from a Terrestrial. +But he wished she would leave him alone to meditate. He had planned to +get a lot of meditation done on the journey.</p> + +<p>"You speak awfully good English," she told him.</p> + +<p>He looked at her. "I am said to have some scholarly aptitude. I +understand that's why I was chosen as an exchange professor. It does +seem reasonable, doesn't it?"</p> + +<p>She turned pink—a sign of embarrassment with these creatures, he had +learned. "I didn't mean to—to question your ability, Professor. It's +just that—well, you don't look like a professor."</p> + +<p>"Indeed?" he said frostily. "And what do I look like, then?"</p> + +<p>She turned even rosier. "Oh—I—I don't know exactly. It's just +that—well...." And she fled.</p> + +<p>He couldn't resist flicking his antennae forward to catch her <i>sotto +voce</i> conversation with the co-pilot; it was so seldom you got the +chance to learn what others were saying about you behind your back. "But +I could hardly tell him he looks like a teddy bear, could I?"</p> + +<p>"He probably doesn't even know what a teddy bear is."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I don't," Narli thought resentfully, "but I can guess."</p> + +<p>With low cunning, the Terrestrials seemed to have ferreted out the +identity of all his favorite dishes and kept serving them to him +incessantly. By the time the ship made planetfall on Earth, he had +gained ten grisbuts.</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," he thought, "I suppose it's all just part of the regular +diplomatic service. On Earth, I'll have to eat crude native foods, so +I'll lose all the weight again."</p> + +<p>President Purrington of North America came himself to meet Narli at the +airfield because Narli was the first interplanetary exchange professor +in history.</p> + +<p>"Welcome to our planet, Professor Gzann," he said with warm diplomatic +cordiality, wringing Narli's upper right hand after a moment of +indecision. "We shall do everything in our power to make your stay here +a happy and memorable one."</p> + +<p>"I wish you would begin by doing something about the climate," Narli +thought. It was stupid of him not to have realized how hot it would be +on Earth. He was really going to suffer in this torrid climate; +especially in the tight Terrestrial costume he wore over his fur for the +sake of conformity. Of course, justice compelled him to admit to +himself, the clothes wouldn't have become so snug if he hadn't eaten +quite so much on board ship.</p> + +<p>Purrington indicated the female beside him. "May I introduce my wife?"</p> + +<p>"Ohhh," the female gasped, "isn't he <i>cute</i>!"</p> + +<p>The President and Narli stared at her in consternation. She looked +abashed for a moment, then smiled widely at Narli and the press +photographers.</p> + +<p>"Welcome to Earth, dear Professor Gzann!" she exclaimed, mispronouncing +his name, of course. Bending down, she kissed him right upon his fuzzy +forehead.</p> + +<p>Kissing was not a Saturnian practice, nor did Narli approve of it; +however, he had read enough about Earth to know that Europeans sometimes +greeted dignitaries in this peculiar way. Only this place, he had been +given to understand, was not Europe but America.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter"> +<a name="illus1" id="illus1"></a> +<img src="images/illus1.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p>"I am having a cocktail party in your honor this afternoon!" she beamed, +smoothing her flowered print dress down over her girdle. "You'll be +there at five sharp, won't you, dear?"</p> + +<p>"Delighted," he promised dismally. He could hardly plead a previous +engagement a moment after arriving.</p> + +<p>"I've tried to get all the things you like to eat," she went on +anxiously, "but you will tell me if there's anything special, won't +you?"</p> + +<p>"I am on a diet," he said. He must be strong. Probably the food would be +repulsive anyhow, so he'd have no difficulty controlling his appetite. +"Digestive disorders, you know. A glass of Vichy and a biscuit will +be...."</p> + +<p>He stopped, for there were tears in Mrs. Purrington's eyes. "Your tummy +hurts? Oh, you poor little darling!"</p> + +<p>"Gladys!" the President said sharply.</p> + +<p>There were frismil nuts at Mrs. Purrington's cocktail party and vilbar +and even slipnis broogs ... all imported at fabulous expense, Narli +knew, but then this was a government affair and expense means nothing to +a government since, as far as it is concerned, money grows on taxpayers. +Some of the native foods proved surprisingly palatable, too—pâté de +foie gras and champagne and little puff pastries full of delightful +surprises. Narli was afraid he was making a zloogle of himself. However, +he thought, trying not to catch sight of his own portly person in the +mirrors that walled the room, the lean days were just ahead.</p> + +<p>Besides, what could he do when everyone insisted on pressing food on +him? "Try this, Professor Gzann." "Do try that, Professor Gzann." +("Doesn't he look cunning in his little dress suit?") They crowded +around him. The women cooed, the men beamed, and Narli ate. He would be +glad when he could detach himself from all this cloying diplomacy and +get back to the healthy rancor of the classroom.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>At school, the odor of chalk dust, ink and rotting apple cores was +enough like its Saturnian equivalent to make Narli feel at home +immediately. The students would dislike him on sight, he knew. It is in +the nature of the young to be hostile toward whatever is strange and +alien. They would despise him and jeer at him, and he, in his turn, +would give them long, involved homework assignments and such difficult +examinations that they would fail....</p> + +<p>Narli waddled briskly up to his desk which had, he saw, been scaled down +to Saturnian size, whereas he had envisioned himself struggling +triumphantly with ordinary Earth-sized, furniture. But the atmosphere +was as hot and sticky and intolerable as he had expected. Panting as +unobtrusively as possible, he rapped with his pointer. "Attention, +students!"</p> + +<p>Now should come the derisive babble ... but there was a respectful +silence, broken suddenly by a shrill feminine whisper of, "Oooo, he's so +adorable!" followed by the harsh, "Shhh, Ava! You'll embarrass the poor +little thing."</p> + +<p>Narli's face swelled. "I am your new professor of Saturnian Studies. +Saturn, as you probably know, is a major planet. It is much larger and +more important than Earth, which is only a minor planet."</p> + +<p>The students obediently took this down in their notebooks. They +carefully took down everything he said. Even a bout of coughing that +afflicted him half-way through seemed to be getting a phonetic +transcription. From time to time, they would interrupt his lecture with +questions so pertinent, so well-thought out and so courteous that all he +could do was answer them.</p> + +<p>His antennae lifted to catch the whispers that from time to time were +exchanged between even the best-behaved of the students. "Isn't he +precious?" "Seems like a nice fellow—sound grasp of his subject." +"Sweet little thing!" "Unusually interesting presentation." "Doesn't he +remind you of Winnie the Pooh?" "Able chap." "Just darling!"</p> + +<p>After class, instead of rushing out of the room, they hovered around his +desk with intelligent, solicitous questions. Did he like Earth? Was his +desk too high? Too low? Didn't he find it hot with all that fur? Such +lovely, soft, fluffy fur, though. "Do you mind if I stroke one of your +paws—<i>hands</i>—Professor?" ("So cuddly-looking!")</p> + +<p>He said yes, as a matter of fact, he was hot, and no, he didn't mind +being touched in a spirit of scientific investigation.</p> + +<p>He had a moment of uplift at the teachers' cafeteria when he discovered +lunch to be virtually inedible. The manager, however, had been +distressed to see him pick at his food, and by dinner-time a +distinguished chef with an expert knowledge of Saturnian cuisine had +been rushed from Washington. Since the school food was inedible for all +intelligent life-forms, everyone ate the Saturnian dishes and praised +Narli as a public benefactor.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>That night, alone in the quiet confines of his small room at the Men's +Faculty Club, Narli had spread out his notes and was about to start work +on his history when there was a knock at the door. He trotted over to +open it, grumbling to himself.</p> + +<p>The head of his department smiled brightly down at him. "Some of us are +going out for a couple of drinks and a gabfest. Care to come along?"</p> + +<p>Narli did not see how he could refuse and still carry the Saturnian's +burden, so he accepted. Discovering that gin fizzes and Alexanders were +even more palatable than champagne and more potent than vilbar, he told +several Saturnine locker-room stories which were hailed with loud +merriment. But he was being laughed <i>at</i>, not <i>with</i>, he knew. All this +false cordiality, he assured himself, would die down after a couple of +days, and then he would be able to get back to work. He must curb his +intellectual impatience.</p> + +<p>In the morning, he found that enrollment in his classes had doubled, and +the room was crowded to capacity with the bright, shining, eager faces +of young Terrestrials athirst for learning. There were apples, +chocolates and imported frismil nuts on his desk, as well as a pressing +invitation from Mrs. Purrington for him to spend all his weekends and +holidays at the White House. The window was fitted with an +air-conditioning unit which, he later discovered, his classes had +chipped in to buy for him, and the temperature had been lowered to a +point where it was almost comfortable. All the students wore coats.</p> + +<p>When he went out on the campus, women—students, teachers, even +strangers—stopped to talk to him, to exclaim over him, to touch him, +even to kiss him. Photographers were perpetually taking pictures, some +of which turned up in the Student Union as full-color postcards. They +sold like Lajl out of season.</p> + +<p>Narli wrote in Saturnian on the back of one: "Having miserable time; be +glad you're not here," and sent it to Slood.</p> + +<p>There were cocktail parties, musicales and balls in Narli's honor. When +he tried to refuse an invitation, he was accused of shyness and +virtually dragged to the affair by laughing members of the faculty. He +put on so much weight that he had to buy a complete new Terrestrial +outfit, which set him back a pretty penny. As a result, he had to +augment his income by lecturing to women's clubs. They slobbered +appallingly.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Narli's students did all their homework assiduously and, in fact, put in +more work than had been assigned. At the end of the year, not only did +all of them pass, but with flying colors.</p> + +<p>"I hope you'll remember, Professor Gzann," the President of the +University said, "that there will always be a job waiting for you +here—a non-exchange professorship. Love to have you."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," Narli replied politely.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Purrington broke into loud sobs when he told her he was leaving +Earth. "Oh, I'll miss you so, Narli! You will write, won't you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, of course," he said grimly. That made two hundred and eighteen +people to whom he'd had to promise to write.</p> + +<p>It was fortunate he was traveling as a guest of the North American +government, he thought as he supervised the loading of his matched +interplanetary luggage; his eight steamer baskets; his leather-bound +<i>Encyclopedia Terrestria</i>, with his name imprinted in gold on each +volume; his Indian war-bonnet; his oil painting of the President; and +his six cases of champagne—all parting gifts—onto the liner. Otherwise +the fee for excess luggage would take what little remained of his bank +account. There had been so many expenses—clothes and hostess gifts and +ice.</p> + +<p>Not all his mementoes were in his luggage. A new rare-metal watch +gleamed on each of his four furry wrists; a brand-new trobskin wallet, +platinum key-chain, and uranium fountain pen were in his pocket; and a +diamond and curium bauble clasped a tie lovingly handpainted by a female +student. The argyles on his fuzzy ankles had been knitted by another. +Still another devoted pupil had presented him with a hand-woven plastic +case full of frismil nuts to eat on the way back.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Well, Narli!" Slood said, his face swelling with joy. "Well, well! +You've put on weight, I see."</p> + +<p>Narli dropped into his old chair with a sigh. Surely Slood might have +picked something else to comment on first—his haggardness, for +instance, or the increased spirituality of his expression.</p> + +<p>"Nothing else to do on Earth in your leisure moments but eat, I +suppose," Slood said, pushing over the nut tray. "Even their food. Have +some frismils."</p> + +<p>"No, thank you," Narli replied coldly.</p> + +<p>Slood looked at him in distress. "Oh, how you must have suffered! Was it +very, very bad, Narli?"</p> + +<p>Narli hunched low in his chair. "It was just awful."</p> + +<p>"I'm sure they didn't mean to be unkind," Slood assured him. "Naturally, +you were a strange creature to them and they're only—"</p> + +<p>"<i>Unkind?</i>" Narli gave a bitter laugh. "They practically killed me with +kindness! It was fuss, fuss, fuss all the time."</p> + +<p>"Now, Narli, I do wish you wouldn't be quite so sarcastic."</p> + +<p>"I'm <i>not</i> being sarcastic. And I wasn't a strange creature to them. It +seems there's a sort of popular child's toy on Earth known as a—" he +winced—"teddy bear. I aroused pleasant childhood memories in them, so +they showered me with affection and edibles."</p> + +<p>Slood closed his eyes in anguish. "You are very brave, Narli," he said +almost reverently. "Very brave and wise and good. Certainly that would +be the best thing to tell our people. After all, the Terrestrials are +our allies; we don't want to stir up public sentiment against them. But +you can be honest with <i>me</i>, Narli. Did they refuse to serve you in +restaurants? Were you segregated in public vehicles? Did they shrink +from you when you came close?"</p> + +<p>Narli beat the desk with all four hands. "I was hardly ever given the +chance to be alone! They crawled all over me! Restaurants begged for my +trade! I had to hire private vehicles because in public ones I was +mobbed by admirers!"</p> + +<p>"Such a short time," Slood murmured, "and already suspicious of even me, +your oldest friend. But don't talk about it if you don't want to, +Narli.... Tell me, though, did they sneer at you and whisper +half-audible insults? Did they—"</p> + +<p>"You're right!" Narli snapped. "I <i>don't</i> want to talk about it."</p> + +<p>Slood placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder. "Perhaps that's +wisest, until the shock of your experience has worn off."</p> + +<p>Narli made an irritable noise.</p> + +<p>"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tonight," Slood said. "But I know +how you feel about parties. I've told them you're exhausted from your +trip and won't be able to make it."</p> + +<p>"Oh, you did, did you?" Narli asked ironically. "What makes you think +you know how I feel about parties?"</p> + +<p>"But—"</p> + +<p>"There's an interesting saying on Earth: 'Travel is so broadening.'" He +looked down at his bulges with tolerant amusement. "In more than one +way, in case the meaning eludes you. Very sound psychologically. I've +discovered that I <i>like</i> parties. I <i>like</i> being <i>liked</i>. If you'll +excuse me, I'm going to inform the Perzils that I shall be delighted to +come to their party. Care to join me?"</p> + +<p>"Well," Slood mumbled, "I'd like to, but I have so much work—"</p> + +<p>"Introvert!" said Narli, and he began dialing the Perzils.</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Vilbar Party, by Evelyn E. Smith + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VILBAR PARTY *** + +***** This file should be named 31626-h.htm or 31626-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/6/2/31626/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Vilbar Party + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: KOSSIN + +Release Date: March 15, 2010 [EBook #31626] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE VILBAR PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +The Vilbar Party + +By EVELYN E. SMITH + +Illustrated by KOSSIN + +[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +January 1955. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] + + +[Sidenote: _"Nuts to you!" was what Narli knew Earthmen would tell +him ... only it was frismil nuts!_] + +"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tomorrow night," Professor Slood +said cajolingly. "You _will_ come this time, won't you, Narli?" + +Narli Gzann rubbed his forehead fretfully. "You know how I feel about +parties, Karn." He took a frismil nut out of the tray on his desk and +nibbled it in annoyance. + +"But this is in your honor, Narli--a farewell party. You must go. It +would be--it would be unthinkable if you didn't." Karn Slood's eyes were +pleading. He could not possibly be held responsible for his friend's +anti-social behavior and yet, Narli knew, he would somehow feel at +fault. + +Narli sighed. He supposed he would have to conform to public sentiment +in this particular instance, but he was damned if he would give in +gracefully. "After all, what's so special about the occasion? I'm just +leaving to take another teaching job, that's all." He took another nut. + +"That's _all_!" Slood's face swelled with emotion. "You can't really be +that indifferent." + +"Another job, that's all it is to me," Narli persisted. "At an +exceptionally high salary, of course, or I wouldn't dream of accepting a +position so inconveniently located." + +Slood was baffled and hurt and outraged. "You have been honored by being +the first of our people to be offered an exchange professorship on +another planet," he said stiffly, "and you call it 'just another job.' +Why, I would have given my right antenna to get it!" + +Narli realized that he had again overstepped the invisible boundary +between candor and tactlessness. He poked at the nuts with a stylus. + +"Honored by being the first of our species to be offered a +guinea-pigship," he murmured. + +He had not considered this aspect of the matter before, but now that it +occurred to him, he was probably right. + +"Oh, I don't mind, really." He waved away the other's sudden +commiseration. "You know I like being alone most of the time, so I won't +find that uncomfortable. Students are students, whether they're +Terrestrials or Saturnians. I suppose they'll laugh at me behind my +back, but then even here, my students always did that." + +He gave a hollow laugh and unobtrusively put out one of his hands for a +nut. "At least on Earth I'll know why they're laughing." + +There was pain on Slood's expressive face as he firmly removed the nut +tray from his friend's reach. "I didn't think of it from that angle, +Narli. Of course you're right. Human beings, from what I've read of +them, are not noted for tolerance. It will be difficult, but I'm sure +you'll be able to--" he choked on the kindly lie--"win them over." + +Narli repressed a bitter laugh. Anyone less likely than he to win over a +hostile alien species through sheer personal charm could hardly be found +on Saturn. Narli Gzann had been chosen as first exchange professor +between Saturn and Earth because of his academic reputation, not his +personality. But although the choosers had probably not had that aspect +of the matter in mind, the choice, he thought, was a wise one. + +As an individual of solitary habits, he was not apt to be much lonelier +on one planet than another. + +And he had accepted the post largely because he felt that, as an alien +being, he would be left strictly alone. This would give him the chance +to put in a lot of work on his definitive history of the Solar System, a +monumental project from which he begrudged all the time he had to spend +in fulfilling even the minimum obligations expected of a professor on +sociable Saturn. + +The salary was a weighty factor, too--not only was it more than twice +what he had been getting, but since there would be no necessity for +spending more than enough for bare subsistence he would be able to save +up a considerable amount and retire while still comparatively young. It +was pleasant to imagine a scholarly life unafflicted by students. + +He could put up with a good deal for that goal. + +But how could he alleviate the distress he saw on Karn's face? He did +not consciously want to hurt the only person who, for some strange +reason, seemed to be fond of him, so he said the only thing he could +think of to please: "All right, Karn, I'll go to the Perzils tomorrow +night." + +It would be a deadly bore--parties always were--and he would eat too +much, but, after all, the thought that it would be a long time before +he'd ever see any of his own kind again would make the affair almost +endurable. And just this once it would be all right for him to eat as +much as he wanted. When he was on Earth out of reach of decent food, he +would probably trim down considerably. + + * * * * * + +"I just _know_ you're going to love Earth, Professor Gzann," the hostess +on the interplanetary liner gushed. + +"I'm sure I shall," he lied politely. She smiled at him too much, +over-doing her professional cordiality; underneath the effusiveness, he +sensed the repulsion. Of course he couldn't blame her for trying not to +show her distaste for the strange creature--the effort at concealment +was, as a matter of fact, more than he had expected from a Terrestrial. +But he wished she would leave him alone to meditate. He had planned to +get a lot of meditation done on the journey. + +"You speak awfully good English," she told him. + +He looked at her. "I am said to have some scholarly aptitude. I +understand that's why I was chosen as an exchange professor. It does +seem reasonable, doesn't it?" + +She turned pink--a sign of embarrassment with these creatures, he had +learned. "I didn't mean to--to question your ability, Professor. It's +just that--well, you don't look like a professor." + +"Indeed?" he said frostily. "And what do I look like, then?" + +She turned even rosier. "Oh--I--I don't know exactly. It's just +that--well...." And she fled. + +He couldn't resist flicking his antennae forward to catch her _sotto +voce_ conversation with the co-pilot; it was so seldom you got the +chance to learn what others were saying about you behind your back. "But +I could hardly tell him he looks like a teddy bear, could I?" + +"He probably doesn't even know what a teddy bear is." + +"Perhaps I don't," Narli thought resentfully, "but I can guess." + +With low cunning, the Terrestrials seemed to have ferreted out the +identity of all his favorite dishes and kept serving them to him +incessantly. By the time the ship made planetfall on Earth, he had +gained ten grisbuts. + +"Oh, well," he thought, "I suppose it's all just part of the regular +diplomatic service. On Earth, I'll have to eat crude native foods, so +I'll lose all the weight again." + +President Purrington of North America came himself to meet Narli at the +airfield because Narli was the first interplanetary exchange professor +in history. + +"Welcome to our planet, Professor Gzann," he said with warm diplomatic +cordiality, wringing Narli's upper right hand after a moment of +indecision. "We shall do everything in our power to make your stay here +a happy and memorable one." + +"I wish you would begin by doing something about the climate," Narli +thought. It was stupid of him not to have realized how hot it would be +on Earth. He was really going to suffer in this torrid climate; +especially in the tight Terrestrial costume he wore over his fur for the +sake of conformity. Of course, justice compelled him to admit to +himself, the clothes wouldn't have become so snug if he hadn't eaten +quite so much on board ship. + +Purrington indicated the female beside him. "May I introduce my wife?" + +"Ohhh," the female gasped, "isn't he _cute_!" + +The President and Narli stared at her in consternation. She looked +abashed for a moment, then smiled widely at Narli and the press +photographers. + +"Welcome to Earth, dear Professor Gzann!" she exclaimed, mispronouncing +his name, of course. Bending down, she kissed him right upon his fuzzy +forehead. + +Kissing was not a Saturnian practice, nor did Narli approve of it; +however, he had read enough about Earth to know that Europeans sometimes +greeted dignitaries in this peculiar way. Only this place, he had been +given to understand, was not Europe but America. + +[Illustration] + +"I am having a cocktail party in your honor this afternoon!" she beamed, +smoothing her flowered print dress down over her girdle. "You'll be +there at five sharp, won't you, dear?" + +"Delighted," he promised dismally. He could hardly plead a previous +engagement a moment after arriving. + +"I've tried to get all the things you like to eat," she went on +anxiously, "but you will tell me if there's anything special, won't +you?" + +"I am on a diet," he said. He must be strong. Probably the food would be +repulsive anyhow, so he'd have no difficulty controlling his appetite. +"Digestive disorders, you know. A glass of Vichy and a biscuit will +be...." + +He stopped, for there were tears in Mrs. Purrington's eyes. "Your tummy +hurts? Oh, you poor little darling!" + +"Gladys!" the President said sharply. + +There were frismil nuts at Mrs. Purrington's cocktail party and vilbar +and even slipnis broogs ... all imported at fabulous expense, Narli +knew, but then this was a government affair and expense means nothing to +a government since, as far as it is concerned, money grows on taxpayers. +Some of the native foods proved surprisingly palatable, too--pate de +foie gras and champagne and little puff pastries full of delightful +surprises. Narli was afraid he was making a zloogle of himself. However, +he thought, trying not to catch sight of his own portly person in the +mirrors that walled the room, the lean days were just ahead. + +Besides, what could he do when everyone insisted on pressing food on +him? "Try this, Professor Gzann." "Do try that, Professor Gzann." +("Doesn't he look cunning in his little dress suit?") They crowded +around him. The women cooed, the men beamed, and Narli ate. He would be +glad when he could detach himself from all this cloying diplomacy and +get back to the healthy rancor of the classroom. + + * * * * * + +At school, the odor of chalk dust, ink and rotting apple cores was +enough like its Saturnian equivalent to make Narli feel at home +immediately. The students would dislike him on sight, he knew. It is in +the nature of the young to be hostile toward whatever is strange and +alien. They would despise him and jeer at him, and he, in his turn, +would give them long, involved homework assignments and such difficult +examinations that they would fail.... + +Narli waddled briskly up to his desk which had, he saw, been scaled down +to Saturnian size, whereas he had envisioned himself struggling +triumphantly with ordinary Earth-sized, furniture. But the atmosphere +was as hot and sticky and intolerable as he had expected. Panting as +unobtrusively as possible, he rapped with his pointer. "Attention, +students!" + +Now should come the derisive babble ... but there was a respectful +silence, broken suddenly by a shrill feminine whisper of, "Oooo, he's so +adorable!" followed by the harsh, "Shhh, Ava! You'll embarrass the poor +little thing." + +Narli's face swelled. "I am your new professor of Saturnian Studies. +Saturn, as you probably know, is a major planet. It is much larger and +more important than Earth, which is only a minor planet." + +The students obediently took this down in their notebooks. They +carefully took down everything he said. Even a bout of coughing that +afflicted him half-way through seemed to be getting a phonetic +transcription. From time to time, they would interrupt his lecture with +questions so pertinent, so well-thought out and so courteous that all he +could do was answer them. + +His antennae lifted to catch the whispers that from time to time were +exchanged between even the best-behaved of the students. "Isn't he +precious?" "Seems like a nice fellow--sound grasp of his subject." +"Sweet little thing!" "Unusually interesting presentation." "Doesn't he +remind you of Winnie the Pooh?" "Able chap." "Just darling!" + +After class, instead of rushing out of the room, they hovered around his +desk with intelligent, solicitous questions. Did he like Earth? Was his +desk too high? Too low? Didn't he find it hot with all that fur? Such +lovely, soft, fluffy fur, though. "Do you mind if I stroke one of your +paws--_hands_--Professor?" ("So cuddly-looking!") + +He said yes, as a matter of fact, he was hot, and no, he didn't mind +being touched in a spirit of scientific investigation. + +He had a moment of uplift at the teachers' cafeteria when he discovered +lunch to be virtually inedible. The manager, however, had been +distressed to see him pick at his food, and by dinner-time a +distinguished chef with an expert knowledge of Saturnian cuisine had +been rushed from Washington. Since the school food was inedible for all +intelligent life-forms, everyone ate the Saturnian dishes and praised +Narli as a public benefactor. + + * * * * * + +That night, alone in the quiet confines of his small room at the Men's +Faculty Club, Narli had spread out his notes and was about to start work +on his history when there was a knock at the door. He trotted over to +open it, grumbling to himself. + +The head of his department smiled brightly down at him. "Some of us are +going out for a couple of drinks and a gabfest. Care to come along?" + +Narli did not see how he could refuse and still carry the Saturnian's +burden, so he accepted. Discovering that gin fizzes and Alexanders were +even more palatable than champagne and more potent than vilbar, he told +several Saturnine locker-room stories which were hailed with loud +merriment. But he was being laughed _at_, not _with_, he knew. All this +false cordiality, he assured himself, would die down after a couple of +days, and then he would be able to get back to work. He must curb his +intellectual impatience. + +In the morning, he found that enrollment in his classes had doubled, and +the room was crowded to capacity with the bright, shining, eager faces +of young Terrestrials athirst for learning. There were apples, +chocolates and imported frismil nuts on his desk, as well as a pressing +invitation from Mrs. Purrington for him to spend all his weekends and +holidays at the White House. The window was fitted with an +air-conditioning unit which, he later discovered, his classes had +chipped in to buy for him, and the temperature had been lowered to a +point where it was almost comfortable. All the students wore coats. + +When he went out on the campus, women--students, teachers, even +strangers--stopped to talk to him, to exclaim over him, to touch him, +even to kiss him. Photographers were perpetually taking pictures, some +of which turned up in the Student Union as full-color postcards. They +sold like Lajl out of season. + +Narli wrote in Saturnian on the back of one: "Having miserable time; be +glad you're not here," and sent it to Slood. + +There were cocktail parties, musicales and balls in Narli's honor. When +he tried to refuse an invitation, he was accused of shyness and +virtually dragged to the affair by laughing members of the faculty. He +put on so much weight that he had to buy a complete new Terrestrial +outfit, which set him back a pretty penny. As a result, he had to +augment his income by lecturing to women's clubs. They slobbered +appallingly. + + * * * * * + +Narli's students did all their homework assiduously and, in fact, put in +more work than had been assigned. At the end of the year, not only did +all of them pass, but with flying colors. + +"I hope you'll remember, Professor Gzann," the President of the +University said, "that there will always be a job waiting for you +here--a non-exchange professorship. Love to have you." + +"Thank you," Narli replied politely. + +Mrs. Purrington broke into loud sobs when he told her he was leaving +Earth. "Oh, I'll miss you so, Narli! You will write, won't you?" + +"Yes, of course," he said grimly. That made two hundred and eighteen +people to whom he'd had to promise to write. + +It was fortunate he was traveling as a guest of the North American +government, he thought as he supervised the loading of his matched +interplanetary luggage; his eight steamer baskets; his leather-bound +_Encyclopedia Terrestria_, with his name imprinted in gold on each +volume; his Indian war-bonnet; his oil painting of the President; and +his six cases of champagne--all parting gifts--onto the liner. Otherwise +the fee for excess luggage would take what little remained of his bank +account. There had been so many expenses--clothes and hostess gifts and +ice. + +Not all his mementoes were in his luggage. A new rare-metal watch +gleamed on each of his four furry wrists; a brand-new trobskin wallet, +platinum key-chain, and uranium fountain pen were in his pocket; and a +diamond and curium bauble clasped a tie lovingly handpainted by a female +student. The argyles on his fuzzy ankles had been knitted by another. +Still another devoted pupil had presented him with a hand-woven plastic +case full of frismil nuts to eat on the way back. + + * * * * * + +"Well, Narli!" Slood said, his face swelling with joy. "Well, well! +You've put on weight, I see." + +Narli dropped into his old chair with a sigh. Surely Slood might have +picked something else to comment on first--his haggardness, for +instance, or the increased spirituality of his expression. + +"Nothing else to do on Earth in your leisure moments but eat, I +suppose," Slood said, pushing over the nut tray. "Even their food. Have +some frismils." + +"No, thank you," Narli replied coldly. + +Slood looked at him in distress. "Oh, how you must have suffered! Was it +very, very bad, Narli?" + +Narli hunched low in his chair. "It was just awful." + +"I'm sure they didn't mean to be unkind," Slood assured him. "Naturally, +you were a strange creature to them and they're only--" + +"_Unkind?_" Narli gave a bitter laugh. "They practically killed me with +kindness! It was fuss, fuss, fuss all the time." + +"Now, Narli, I do wish you wouldn't be quite so sarcastic." + +"I'm _not_ being sarcastic. And I wasn't a strange creature to them. It +seems there's a sort of popular child's toy on Earth known as a--" he +winced--"teddy bear. I aroused pleasant childhood memories in them, so +they showered me with affection and edibles." + +Slood closed his eyes in anguish. "You are very brave, Narli," he said +almost reverently. "Very brave and wise and good. Certainly that would +be the best thing to tell our people. After all, the Terrestrials are +our allies; we don't want to stir up public sentiment against them. But +you can be honest with _me_, Narli. Did they refuse to serve you in +restaurants? Were you segregated in public vehicles? Did they shrink +from you when you came close?" + +Narli beat the desk with all four hands. "I was hardly ever given the +chance to be alone! They crawled all over me! Restaurants begged for my +trade! I had to hire private vehicles because in public ones I was +mobbed by admirers!" + +"Such a short time," Slood murmured, "and already suspicious of even me, +your oldest friend. But don't talk about it if you don't want to, +Narli.... Tell me, though, did they sneer at you and whisper +half-audible insults? Did they--" + +"You're right!" Narli snapped. "I _don't_ want to talk about it." + +Slood placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder. "Perhaps that's +wisest, until the shock of your experience has worn off." + +Narli made an irritable noise. + +"The Perzils are giving a vilbar party tonight," Slood said. "But I know +how you feel about parties. I've told them you're exhausted from your +trip and won't be able to make it." + +"Oh, you did, did you?" Narli asked ironically. "What makes you think +you know how I feel about parties?" + +"But--" + +"There's an interesting saying on Earth: 'Travel is so broadening.'" He +looked down at his bulges with tolerant amusement. "In more than one +way, in case the meaning eludes you. Very sound psychologically. I've +discovered that I _like_ parties. I _like_ being _liked_. If you'll +excuse me, I'm going to inform the Perzils that I shall be delighted to +come to their party. Care to join me?" + +"Well," Slood mumbled, "I'd like to, but I have so much work--" + +"Introvert!" said Narli, and he began dialing the Perzils. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Vilbar Party, by Evelyn E. 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