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diff --git a/31266.txt b/31266.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6aef49e --- /dev/null +++ b/31266.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3942 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Quality Street, by J. M. Barrie + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Quality Street + A Comedy + +Author: J. M. Barrie + +Release Date: February 12, 2010 [EBook #31266] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK QUALITY STREET *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + +THE PLAYS OF J. M. BARRIE + + + + +QUALITY STREET + + +A COMEDY + + + + +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +NEW YORK ::::::::: 1923 + + + + +COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY + +J. M. BARRIE + + +Printed in the United States of America + + +_All rights reserved under the International Copyright Act. +Performance forbidden and right of representation reserved. +Application for the right of performing this play must be made to +Charles Frohman, Inc., Empire Theatre, New York._ + + + + +_THE WORKS OF J. M. BARRIE._ + +_NOVELS, STORIES, AND SKETCHES._ + +_Uniform Edition._ + + AULD LIGHT IDYLLS, BETTER DEAD. + WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. + A WINDOW IN THRUMS, AN EDINBURGH ELEVEN. + THE LITTLE MINISTER. + SENTIMENTAL TOMMY. + MY LADY NICOTINE, MARGARET OGILVY. + TOMMY AND GRIZEL. + THE LITTLE WHITE BIRD. + PETER AND WENDY. + _Also_ + HALF HOURS, DER TAG. + ECHOES OF THE WAR. + + +_PLAYS._ + +_Uniform Edition._ + + DEAR BRUTUS + A KISS FOR CINDERELLA + ALICE SIT-BY-THE-FIRE. + WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS. + QUALITY STREET. + THE ADMIRABLE CRICHTON. + ECHOES OF THE WAR. + _Containing_: The Old Lady Shows Her Medals--The New + Word--Barbara's Wedding--A Well-Remembered Voice. + HALF HOURS. + _Containing_: Pantaloon--The Twelve-Pound + Look--Rosalind--The Will. + +_Others in Preparation._ + +_INDIVIDUAL EDITIONS._ + +PETER PAN IN KENSINGTON GARDENS. + Illustrated by ARTHUR RACKHAM. + +PETER AND WENDY. + Illustrated by F. D. BEDFORD. + +PETER PAN AND WENDY. + Illustrated by MISS ATTWELL. + +TOMMY AND GRIZEL. + Illustrated by BERNARD PARTRIDGE. + +MARGARET OGILVY. + + +*** For particulars concerning _The Thistle Edition_ of the Works of J. +M. BARRIE, sold only by subscription, send for circular. + + +NEW YORK: CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + + + + +ACT I + +THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM + +_The scene is the blue and white room in the house of the Misses Susan +and Phoebe Throssel in Quality Street; and in this little country town +there is a satisfaction about living in Quality Street which even +religion cannot give. Through the bowed window at the back we have a +glimpse of the street. It is pleasantly broad and grass-grown, and is +linked to the outer world by one demure shop, whose door rings a bell +every time it opens and shuts. Thus by merely peeping, every one in +Quality Street can know at once who has been buying a Whimsy cake, and +usually why. This bell is the most familiar sound of Quality Street. +Now and again ladies pass in their pattens, a maid perhaps protecting +them with an umbrella, for flakes of snow are falling discreetly. +Gentlemen in the street are an event; but, see, just as we raise the +curtain, there goes the recruiting sergeant to remind us that we are in +the period of the Napoleonic wars. If he were to look in at the window +of the blue and white room all the ladies there assembled would draw +themselves up; they know him for a rude fellow who smiles at the +approach of maiden ladies and continues to smile after they have +passed. However, he lowers his head to-day so that they shall not see +him, his present design being converse with the Misses Throssel's maid._ + +_The room is one seldom profaned by the foot of man, and everything in +it is white or blue. Miss Phoebe is not present, but here are Miss +Susan, Miss Willoughby and her sister Miss Fanny, and Miss Henrietta +Turnbull. Miss Susan and Miss Willoughby, alas, already wear caps; but +all the four are dear ladies, so refined that we ought not to be +discussing them without a more formal introduction. There seems no +sufficient reason why we should choose Miss Phoebe as our heroine +rather than any one of the others, except, perhaps, that we like her +name best. But we gave her the name, so we must support our choice and +say that she is slightly the nicest, unless, indeed, Miss Susan is +nicer._ + +_Miss Fanny is reading aloud from a library book while the others sew +or knit. They are making garments for our brave soldiers now far away +fighting the Corsican Ogre._ + + +MISS FANNY. '... And so the day passed and evening came, black, +mysterious, and ghost-like. The wind moaned unceasingly like a +shivering spirit, and the vegetation rustled uneasily as if something +weird and terrifying were about to happen. Suddenly out of the +darkness there emerged a _Man_. + +(_She says the last word tremulously but without looking up. The +listeners knit more quickly._) + +The unhappy Camilla was standing lost in reverie when, without pausing +to advertise her of his intentions, he took both her hands in his. + +(_By this time the knitting has stopped, and all are listening as if +mesmerised._) + +Slowly he gathered her in his arms---- + +(MISS SUSAN _gives an excited little cry._) + +MISS FANNY. And rained hot, burning----' + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. Sister! + +MISS FANNY (_greedily_). 'On eyes, mouth----' + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_sternly_). Stop. Miss Susan, I am indeed surprised +you should bring such an amazing, indelicate tale from the library. + +MISS SUSAN (_with a slight shudder_). I deeply regret, Miss +Willoughby---- (_Sees_ MISS FANNY _reading quickly to herself._) Oh, +Fanny! If you please, my dear. + +(_Takes the book gently from her._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. I thank you. + +(_She knits severely._) + +MISS FANNY (_a little rebel_). Miss Susan is looking at the end. + +(MISS SUSAN _closes the book guiltily._) + +MISS SUSAN (_apologetically_). Forgive my partiality for romance, +Mary. I fear 'tis the mark of an old maid. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. Susan, that word! + +MISS SUSAN (_sweetly_). 'Tis what I am. And you also, Mary, my dear. + +MISS FANNY (_defending her sister_). Miss Susan, I protest. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_sternly truthful_). Nay, sister, 'tis true. We are +known everywhere now, Susan, you and I, as the old maids of Quality +Street. (_General discomfort._) + +MISS SUSAN. I am happy Phoebe will not be an old maid. + +MISS HENRIETTA (_wistfully_). Do you refer, Miss Susan, to V. B.? + +(MISS SUSAN _smiles happily to herself._) + +MISS SUSAN. Miss Phoebe of the ringlets as he has called her. + +MISS FANNY. Other females besides Miss Phoebe have ringlets. + +MISS SUSAN. But you and Miss Henrietta have to employ papers, my dear. +(_Proudly_) Phoebe, never. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_in defence of_ FANNY). I do not approve of Miss +Phoebe at all. + +MISS SUSAN (_flushing_). Mary, had Phoebe been dying you would have +called her an angel, but that is ever the way. 'Tis all jealousy to +the bride and good wishes to the corpse. (_Her guests rise, hurt._) +My love, I beg your pardon. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. With your permission, Miss Susan, I shall put on my +pattens. + +(MISS SUSAN _gives permission almost haughtily, and the ladies retire +to the bedroom,_ MISS FANNY _remaining behind a moment to ask a +question._) + +MISS FANNY. A bride? Miss Susan, do you mean that V. B. has declared? + +MISS SUSAN. Fanny, I expect it hourly. + +(MISS SUSAN, _left alone, is agitated by the terrible scene with_ MISS +WILLOUGHBY.) + +(_Enter_ PHOEBE _in her bonnet, and we see at once that she really is +the nicest. She is so flushed with delightful news that she almost +forgets to take off her pattens before crossing the blue and white +room._) + +MISS SUSAN. You seem strangely excited, Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. Susan, I have met a certain individual. + +MISS SUSAN. V. B.? (PHOEBE _nods several times, and her gleaming eyes +tell_ MISS SUSAN _as much as if they were a romance from the library._) +My dear, you are trembling. + +PHOEBE (_bravely_). No--oh no. + +MISS SUSAN. You put your hand to your heart. + +PHOEBE. Did I? + +MISS SUSAN (_in a whisper_). My love, has he offered? + +PHOEBE (_appalled_). Oh, Susan. + +(_Enter_ MISS WILLOUGHBY, _partly cloaked._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. How do you do, Miss Phoebe. (_Portentously_) Susan, +I have no wish to alarm you, but I am of opinion that there is a man in +the house. I suddenly felt it while putting on my pattens. + +MISS SUSAN. You mean--a follower--in the kitchen? (_She courageously +rings the bell, but her voice falters._) I am just a little afraid of +Patty. + +(_Enter_ PATTY, _a buxom young woman, who loves her mistresses and +smiles at them, and knows how to terrorise them._) + +Patty, I hope we may not hurt your feelings, but-- + +PATTY (_sternly_). Are you implicating, ma'am, that I have a follower? + +MISS SUSAN. Oh no, Patty. + +PATTY. So be it. + +MISS SUSAN (_ashamed_). Patty, come back, (_Humbly_) I told a +falsehood just now; I am ashamed of myself. + +PATTY (_severely_). As well you might be, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_so roused that she would look heroic if she did not spoil the +effect by wagging her finger at_ PATTY). How dare you. There is a man +in the kitchen. To the door with him. + +PATTY. A glorious soldier to be so treated! + +PHOEBE. The door. + +PATTY. And if he refuses? + +(_They looked perplexed._) + +MISS SUSAN. Oh dear! + +PHOEBE. If he refuses send him here to me. + +(_Exit PATTY._) + +MISS SUSAN. Lion-hearted Phoebe. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. A soldier? (_Nervously_) I wish it may not be that +impertinent recruiting sergeant. I passed him in the street to-day. +He closed one of his eyes at me and then quickly opened it. I knew +what he meant. + +PHOEBE. He does not come. + +MISS SUSAN. I think I hear their voices in dispute. + +(_She is listening through the floor. They all stoop or go on their +knees to listen, and when they are in this position the_ RECRUITING +SERGEANT _enters unobserved. He chuckles aloud. In a moment_ PHOEBE +_is alone with him._) + +SERGEANT (_with an Irish accent_). Your servant, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_advancing sternly on him_). Sir-- (_She is perplexed, as he +seems undismayed._) Sergeant-- (_She sees mud from his boots on the +carpet._) Oh! oh! (_Brushes carpet._) Sergeant, I am wishful to scold +you, but would you be so obliging as to stand on this paper while I do +it? + +SERGEANT. With all the pleasure in life, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_forgetting to be angry_). Sergeant, have you killed people? + +SERGEANT. Dozens, ma'am, dozens. + +PHOEBE. How terrible. Oh, sir, I pray every night that the Lord in +His loving-kindness will root the enemy up. Is it true that the +Corsican Ogre eats babies? + +SERGEANT. I have spoken with them as have seen him do it, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. The Man of Sin. Have you ever seen a vivandiere, sir? +(_Wistfully_) I have sometimes wished there were vivandieres in the +British Army. (_For a moment she sees herself as one._) Oh, Sergeant, +a shudder goes through me when I see you in the streets enticing those +poor young men. + +SERGEANT. If you were one of them, ma'am, and death or glory was the +call, you would take the shilling, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. Oh, not for that. + +SERGEANT. For King and Country, ma'am? + +PHOEBE (_grandly_). Yes, yes, for that. + +SERGEANT (_candidly_). Not that it is all fighting. The sack of +captured towns--the loot. + +PHOEBE (_proudly_). An English soldier never sacks nor loots. + +SERGEANT. No, ma'am. And then--the girls. + +PHOEBE. What girls? + +SERGEANT. In the towns that--that we don't sack. + +PHOEBE. How they must hate the haughty conqueror. + +SERGEANT. We are not so haughty as all that. + +PHOEBE (_sadly_). I think I understand. I am afraid, Sergeant, you do +not tell those poor young men the noble things I thought you told them. + +SERGEANT. Ma'am, I must e'en tell them what they are wishful to hear. +There ha' been five, ma'am, all this week, listening to me and then +showing me their heels, but by a grand stroke of luck I have them at +last. + +PHOEBE. Luck? + +(MISS SUSAN _opens door slightly and listens._) + +SERGEANT. The luck, ma'am, is that a gentleman of the town has +enlisted. That gave them the push forward. + +(MISS SUSAN _is excited._) + +PHOEBE. A gentleman of this town enlisted? (_Eagerly_) Sergeant, who? + +SERGEANT. Nay, ma'am, I think it be a secret as yet. + +PHOEBE. But a gentleman! 'Tis the most amazing, exciting thing. +Sergeant, be so obliging. + +SERGEANT. Nay, ma'am, I can't. + +MISS SUSAN (_at door, carried away by excitement_). But you must, you +must! + +SERGEANT (_turning to the door_). You see, ma'am-- + +(_The door is hurriedly closed._) + +PHOEBE (_ashamed_). Sergeant, I have not been saying the things I +meant to say to you. Will you please excuse my turning you out of the +house somewhat violently. + +SERGEANT. I am used to it, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. I won't really hurt you. + +SERGEANT. Thank you kindly, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_observing the bedroom door opening a little, and speaking in a +loud voice_). I protest, sir; we shall permit no followers in this +house. Should I discover you in my kitchen again I shall pitch you +out--neck and crop. Begone, sir. + +(_The_ SERGEANT _retires affably. All the ladies except_ MISS +HENRIETTA _come out, admiring_ PHOEBE. _The_ WILLOUGHBYS _are attired +for their journey across the street._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. Miss Phoebe, we could not but admire you. + +(PHOEBE, _alas, knows that she is not admirable._) + +PHOEBE. But the gentleman recruit? + +MISS SUSAN. Perhaps they will know who he is at the woollen-drapers. + +MISS FANNY. Let us inquire. + +(_But before they go_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _has a duty to perform._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. I wish to apologise. Miss Phoebe, you are a dear, +good girl. If I have made remarks about her ringlets, Susan, it was +jealousy. (PHOEBE _and_ MISS SUSAN _wish to embrace her, but she is +not in the mood for it._) Come, sister. + +MISS FANNY (_the dear woman that she is_). Phoebe, dear, I wish you +very happy. + +(_PHOEBE presses her hand._) + +MISS HENRIETTA (_entering, and not to be outdone_). Miss Phoebe, I +give you joy. + +(_The three ladies go, the two younger ones a little tearfully, and we +see them pass the window._) + +PHOEBE (_pained_). Susan, you have been talking to them about V. B. + +MISS SUSAN. I could not help it. (_Eagerly_) Now, Phoebe, what is it +you have to tell me? + +PHOEBE (_in a low voice_). Dear, I think it is too holy to speak of. + +MISS SUSAN. To your sister? + +PHOEBE. Susan, as you know, I was sitting with an unhappy woman whose +husband has fallen in the war. When I came out of the cottage he was +passing. + +MISS SUSAN. Yes? + +PHOEBE. He offered me his escort. At first he was very silent--as he +has often been of late. + +MISS SUSAN. _We_ know why. + +PHOEBE. Please not to say that I know why. Suddenly he stopped and +swung his cane. You know how gallantly he swings his cane. + +MISS SUSAN. Yes, indeed. + +PHOEBE. He said: 'I have something I am wishful to tell you, Miss +Phoebe; perhaps you can guess what it is.' + +MISS SUSAN. Go on! + +PHOEBE. To say I could guess, sister, would have been unladylike. I +said: 'Please not to tell me in the public thoroughfare'; to which he +instantly replied: 'Then I shall call and tell you this afternoon.' + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe! + +(_They are interrupted by the entrance of_ PATTY _with tea. They see +that she has brought three cups, and know that this is her impertinent +way of implying that mistresses, as well as maids, may have a +'follower.' When she has gone they smile at the daring of the woman, +and sit down to tea._) + +PHOEBE. Susan, to think that it has all happened in a single year. + +MISS SUSAN. Such a genteel competency as he can offer; such a +desirable establishment. + +PHOEBE. I had no thought of that, dear. I was recalling our first +meeting at Mrs. Fotheringay's quadrille party. + +MISS SUSAN. We had quite forgotten that our respected local physician +was growing elderly. + +PHOEBE. Until he said: 'Allow me to present my new partner, Mr. +Valentine Brown.' + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, do you remember how at the tea-table he +facetiously passed the cake-basket with nothing in it! + +PHOEBE. He was so amusing from the first. I am thankful, Susan, that +I too have a sense of humour. I am exceedingly funny at times; am I +not, Susan? + +MISS SUSAN. Yes, indeed. But he sees humour in the most unexpected +things. I say something so ordinary about loving, for instance, to +have everything either blue or white in this room, and I know not why +he laughs, but it makes me feel quite witty. + +PHOEBE (_a little anxiously_). I hope he sees nothing odd or quaint +about us. + +MISS SUSAN. My dear, I am sure he cannot. + +PHOEBE. Susan, the picnics. + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, the day when he first drank tea in this house. + +PHOEBE. He invited himself. + +MISS SUSAN. He merely laughed when I said it would cause such talk. + +PHOEBE. He is absolutely fearless. Susan, he has smoked his pipe in +this room. + +(_They are both a little scared._) + +MISS SUSAN. Smoking is indeed a dreadful habit. + +PHOEBE. But there is something so dashing about it. + +MISS SUSAN (_with melancholy_). And now I am to be left alone. + +PHOEBE. No. + +MISS SUSAN. My dear, I could not leave this room. My lovely blue and +white room. It is my husband. + +PHOEBE (_who has become agitated_). Susan, you must make my house your +home. I have something distressing to tell you. + +MISS SUSAN. You alarm me. + +PHOEBE. You know Mr. Brown advised us how to invest half of our money. + +MISS SUSAN. I know it gives us eight per cent., though why it should +do so I cannot understand, but very obliging, I am sure. + +PHOEBE. Susan, all that money is lost; I had the letter several days +ago. + +MISS SUSAN. Lost? + +PHOEBE. Something burst, dear, and then they absconded. + +MISS SUSAN. But Mr. Brown-- + +PHOEBE. I have not advertised him of it yet, for he will think it was +his fault. But I shall tell him to-day. + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how much have we left? + +PHOEBE. Only sixty pounds a year, so you see you must live with us, +dearest. + +MISS SUSAN. But Mr. Brown--he---- + +PHOEBE (_grandly_). He is a man of means, and if he is not proud to +have my Susan I shall say at once: 'Mr. Brown--the door.' + +(_She presses her cheek to_ MISS SUSAN'S.) + +MISS SUSAN (_softly_). Phoebe, I have a wedding gift for you. + +PHOEBE. Not yet? + +MISS SUSAN. It has been ready for a long time. I began it when you +were not ten years old and I was a young woman. I meant it for myself, +Phoebe. I had hoped that he--his name was William--but I think I must +have been too unattractive, my love. + +PHOEBE. Sweetest--dearest---- + +MISS SUSAN. I always associate it with a sprigged poplin I was wearing +that summer, with a breadth of coloured silk in it, being a naval +officer; but something happened, a Miss Cicely Pemberton, and they are +quite big boys now. So long ago, Phoebe--he was very tall, with brown +hair--it was most foolish of me, but I was always so fond of +sewing--with long straight legs and such a pleasant expression. + +PHOEBE. Susan, what was it? + +MISS SUSAN. It was a wedding-gown, my dear. Even plain women, Phoebe, +we can't help it; when we are young we have romantic ideas just as if +we were pretty. And so the wedding-gown was never used. Long before +it was finished I knew he would not offer, but I finished it, and then +I put it away. I have always hidden it from you, Phoebe, but of late I +have brought it out again, and altered it. + +(_She goes to ottoman and unlocks it._) + +PHOEBE. Susan, I could not wear it. (MISS SUSAN _brings the +wedding-gown._) Oh! how sweet, how beautiful! + +MISS SUSAN. You will wear it, my love, won't you? And the tears it +was sewn with long ago will all turn into smiles on my Phoebe's +wedding-day. + +(_They are tearfully happy when a knock is heard on the street door._) + +PHOEBE. That knock. + +MISS SUSAN. So dashing. + +PHOEBE. So imperious. (_She is suddenly panic-stricken._) Susan, I +think he kissed me once. + +MISS SUSAN (_startled_). You _think_? + +PHOEBE. I know he did. That evening--a week ago, when he was squiring +me home from the concert. It was raining, and my face was wet; he said +that was why he did it. + +MISS SUSAN. Because your face was wet? + +PHOEBE. It does not seem a sufficient excuse now. + +MISS SUSAN (_appalled_). O Phoebe, before he had offered. + +PHOEBE (_in distress_). I fear me it was most unladylike. + +(VALENTINE BROWN _is shown in. He is a frank, genial young man of +twenty-five who honestly admires the ladies, though he is amused by +their quaintness. He is modestly aware that it is in the blue and +white room alone that he is esteemed a wit._) + +BROWN. Miss Susan, how do you do, ma'am? Nay, Miss Phoebe, though we +have met to-day already I insist on shaking hands with you again. + +MISS SUSAN. Always so dashing. + +(VALENTINE _laughs and the ladies exchange delighted smiles._) + +VALENTINE (_to_ MISS SUSAN). And my other friends, I hope I find them +in health? The spinet, ma'am, seems quite herself to-day; I trust the +ottoman passed a good night? + +MISS SUSAN (_beaming_). We are all quite well, sir. + +VALENTINE. May I sit on this chair, Miss Phoebe? I know Miss Susan +likes me to break her chairs. + +MISS SUSAN. Indeed, sir, I do not. Phoebe, how strange that he should +think so. + +PHOEBE (_instantly_). The remark was humorous, was it not? + +VALENTINE. How you see through me, Miss Phoebe. + +(_The sisters again exchange delighted smiles_. VALENTINE _is about to +take a seat._) + +MISS SUSAN (_thinking aloud_). Oh dear, I feel sure he is going to +roll the coverlet into a ball and then sit on it. + +(VALENTINE, _who has been on the point of doing so, abstains and sits +guiltily._) + +VALENTINE. So I am dashing, Miss Susan? Am I dashing, Miss Phoebe? + +PHOEBE. A--little, I think. + +VALENTINE. Well, but I have something to tell you to-day which I +really think is rather dashing. (MISS SUSAN _gathers her knitting, +looks at_ PHOEBE, _and is preparing to go._) You are not going, ma'am, +before you know what it is? + +MISS SUSAN. I--I--indeed--to be sure--I--I know, Mr. Brown. + +PHOEBE. Susan! + +MISS SUSAN. I mean I do not know. I mean I can guess--I mean---- +Phoebe, my love, explain. (_She goes out._) + +VALENTINE (_rather disappointed_). The explanation being, I suppose, +that you both know, and I had flattered myself 'twas such a secret. Am +I then to understand that you had foreseen it all, Miss Phoebe? + +PHOEBE. Nay, sir, you must not ask that. + +VALENTINE. I believe in any case 'twas you who first put it into my +head. + +PHOEBE (_aghast_). Oh, I hope not. + +VALENTINE. Your demure eyes flashed so every time the war was +mentioned; the little Quaker suddenly looked like a gallant boy in +ringlets. + +(_A dread comes over_ PHOEBE, _but it is in her heart alone; it shows +neither in face nor voice._) + +PHOEBE. Mr. Brown, what is it you have to tell us? + +VALENTINE. That I have enlisted, Miss Phoebe. Did you surmise it was +something else? + +PHOEBE. You are going to the wars? Mr. Brown, is it a jest? + +VALENTINE. It would be a sorry jest, ma'am. I thought you knew. I +concluded that the recruiting sergeant had talked. + +PHOEBE. The recruiting sergeant? I see. + +VALENTINE. These stirring times, Miss Phoebe--he is but half a man who +stays at home. I have chafed for months. I want to see whether I have +any courage, and as to be an army surgeon does not appeal to me, it was +enlist or remain behind. To-day I found that there were five waverers. +I asked them would they take the shilling if I took it, and they +assented. Miss Phoebe, it is not one man I give to the King, but six. + +PHOEBE (_brightly_). I think you have done bravely. + +VALENTINE. We leave shortly for the Petersburgh barracks, and I go to +London tomorrow; so this is good-bye. + +PHOEBE. I shall pray that you may be preserved in battle, Mr. Brown. + +VALENTINE. And you and Miss Susan will write to me when occasion +offers? + +PHOEBE. If you wish it. + +VALENTINE (_smiling_). With all the stirring news of Quality Street. + +PHOEBE. It seems stirring to us; it must have been merely laughable to +you, who came here from a great city. + +VALENTINE. Dear Quality Street--that thought me dashing! But I made +friends in it, Miss Phoebe, of two very sweet ladies. + +PHOEBE (_timidly_). Mr. Brown, I wonder why you have been so kind to +my sister and me? + +VALENTINE. The kindness was yours. If at first Miss Susan amused me-- +(_Chuckling._) To see her on her knees decorating the little legs of +the couch with frills as if it were a child! But it was her sterling +qualities that impressed me presently. + +PHOEBE. And did--did I amuse you also? + +VALENTINE. Prodigiously, Miss Phoebe. Those other ladies, they were +always scolding you, your youthfulness shocked them. I believe they +thought you dashing. + +PHOEBE (_nervously_). I have sometimes feared that I was perhaps too +dashing. + +VALENTINE (_laughing at this_). You delicious Miss Phoebe. You were +too quiet. I felt sorry that one so sweet and young should live so +grey a life. I wondered whether I could put any little pleasures into +it. + +PHOEBE. The picnics? It was very good of you. + +VALENTINE. That was only how it began, for soon I knew that it was I +who got the pleasures and you who gave them. You have been to me, Miss +Phoebe, like a quiet, old-fashioned garden full of the flowers that +Englishmen love best because they have known them longest: the daisy, +that stands for innocence, and the hyacinth for constancy, and the +modest violet and the rose. When I am far away, ma'am, I shall often +think of Miss Phoebe's pretty soul, which is her garden, and shut my +eyes and walk in it. + +(_She is smiling gallantly through her pain when_ MISS SUSAN _returns._) + +MISS SUSAN. Have you--is it--you seem so calm, Phoebe. + +PHOEBE (_pressing her sister's hand warningly and imploringly_). +Susan, what Mr. Brown is so obliging as to inform us of is not what we +expected--not that at all. My dear, he is the gentleman who has +enlisted, and he came to tell us that and to say good-bye. + +MISS SUSAN. Going away? + +PHOEBE. Yes, dear. + +VALENTINE. Am I not the ideal recruit, ma'am: a man without a wife or +a mother or a sweetheart? + +MISS SUSAN. No sweetheart? + +VALENTINE. Have you one for me, Miss Susan? + +PHOEBE (_hastily, lest her sister's face should betray the truth_). +Susan, we shall have to tell him now. You dreadful man, you will laugh +and say it is just like Quality Street. But indeed since I met you +to-day and you told me you had something to communicate we have been +puzzling what it could be, and we concluded that you were going to be +married. + +VALENTINE. Ha! ha! ha! Was that it. + +PHOEBE. So like women, you know. We thought we perhaps knew her. +(_Glancing at the wedding-gown._) We were even discussing what we +should wear at the wedding. + +VALENTINE. Ha! ha! I shall often think of this. I wonder who would +have me, Miss Susan. (_Rising._) But I must be off; and God bless you +both. + +MISS SUSAN (_forlorn_). You are going! + +VALENTINE. No more mud on your carpet, Miss Susan; no more coverlets +rolled into balls. A good riddance. Miss Phoebe, a last look at the +garden. + +(_Taking her hand and looking into her face._) + +PHOEBE. We shall miss you very much, Mr. Brown. + +VALENTINE. There is one little matter. That investment I advised you +to make, I am happy it has turned out so well. + +PHOEBE (_checking_ MISS SUSAN, _who is about to tell of the loss of the +money_). It was good of you to take all that trouble, sir. Accept our +grateful thanks. + +VALENTINE. Indeed I am glad that you are so comfortably left; I am +your big brother. Good-bye again. (_Looks round._) This little blue +and white room and its dear inmates, may they be unchanged when I come +back. Good-bye. + +(_He goes_. MISS SUSAN _looks forlornly at_ PHOEBE, _who smiles +pitifully._) + +PHOEBE. A misunderstanding; just a mistake. (_She shudders, lifts the +wedding-gown and puts it back in the ottoman_. MISS SUSAN _sinks +sobbing into a chair._) Don't, dear, don't--we can live it down. + +MISS SUSAN (_fiercely_). He is a fiend in human form. + +PHOEBE. Nay, you hurt me, sister. He is a brave gentleman. + +MISS SUSAN. The money; why did you not let me tell him? + +PHOEBE (_flushing_). So that he might offer to me out of pity, Susan? + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how are we to live with the quartern loaf at one +and tenpence? + +PHOEBE. Brother James---- + +MISS SUSAN. You know very well that brother James will do nothing for +us. + +PHOEBE. I think, Susan, we could keep a little school--for genteel +children only, of course. I would do most of the teaching. + +MISS SUSAN. You a schoolmistress--Phoebe of the ringlets; every one +would laugh. + +PHOEBE. I shall hide the ringlets away in a cap like yours, Susan, and +people will soon forget them. And I shall try to look staid and to +grow old quickly. It will not be so hard to me as you think, dear. + +MISS SUSAN. There were other gentlemen who were attracted by you, +Phoebe, and you turned from them. + +PHOEBE. I did not want them. + +MISS SUSAN. They will come again, and others. + +PHOEBE. No, dear; never speak of that to me any more. (_In woe._) I +let him kiss me. + +MISS SUSAN. You could not prevent him. + +PHOEBE. Yes, I could. I know I could now. I wanted him to do it. +Oh, never speak to me of others after that. Perhaps he saw I wanted it +and did it to please me. But I meant--indeed I did--that I gave it to +him with all my love. Sister, I could bear all the rest; but I have +been unladylike. + +(_The curtain falls, and we do not see the sisters again for ten +years._) + + + +_End of Act I._ + + + + +ACT II + +THE SCHOOL + +_Ten years later. It is the blue and white room still, but many of +Miss Susan's beautiful things have gone, some of them never to return; +others are stored upstairs. Their place is taken by grim scholastic +furniture: forms, a desk, a globe, a blackboard, heartless maps. It is +here that Miss Phoebe keeps school. Miss Susan teaches in the room +opening off it, once the spare bedroom, where there is a smaller +blackboard (for easier sums) but no globe, as Miss Susan is easily +alarmed. Here are the younger pupils unless they have grown defiant, +when they are promoted to the blue and white room to be under Miss +Phoebe's braver rule. They really frighten Miss Phoebe also, but she +does not let her sister know this._ + +_It is noon on a day in August, and through the window we can see that +Quality Street is decorated with flags. We also hear at times martial +music from another street. Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson to +half a dozen pupils, and is doing her very best; now she is at the +spinet while they dance, and again she is showing them the new step. +We know it is Miss Phoebe because some of her pretty airs and graces +still cling to her in a forlorn way, but she is much changed. Her +curls are out of sight under a cap, her manner is prim, the light has +gone from her eyes and buoyancy from her figure; she looks not ten +years older but twenty, and not an easy twenty. When the children are +not looking at her we know that she has the headache._ + + +PHOEBE (_who is sometimes at the spinet and sometimes dancing_). Toes +out. So. Chest out. Georgy. Point your toes, Miss Beveridge--so. +So--keep in line; and young ladies, remember your toes. (GEORGY _in +his desire to please has protruded the wrong part of his person. She +writes a C on his chest with chalk._) C stands for chest, Georgy. +This is S. + +(MISS SUSAN _darts out of the other room. She is less worn than_ MISS +PHOEBE.) + +MISS SUSAN (_whispering so that the pupils may not hear_). Phoebe, how +many are fourteen and seventeen? + +PHOEBE (_almost instantly_). Thirty-one. + +MISS SUSAN. I thank you. (_She darts off._) + +PHOEBE. That will do, ladies and gentlemen. You may go. + +(_They bow or curtsy, and retire to_ MISS SUSAN'S _room, with the +exception of_ ARTHUR WELLESLEY TOMSON, _who is standing in disgrace in +a corner with the cap of shame on his head, and_ ISABELLA, _a +forbidding-looking, learned little girl_. ISABELLA _holds up her hand +for permission to speak._) + +ISABELLA. Please, ma'am, father wishes me to acquire algebra. + +PHOEBE (_with a sinking_). Algebra! It--it is not a very ladylike +study, Isabella. + +ISABELLA. Father says, will you or won't you? + +PHOEBE. And you are thin. It will make you thinner, my dear. + +ISABELLA. Father says I am thin but wiry. + +PHOEBE. Yes, you are. (_With feeling._) You are very wiry, Isabella. + +ISABELLA. Father says, either I acquire algebra or I go to Miss +Prothero's establishment. + +PHOEBE. Very well, I--I will do my best. You may go. + +(ISABELLA _goes and_ PHOEBE _sits wearily._) + +ARTHUR (_fingering his cap_). Please, ma'am, may I take it off now? + +PHOEBE. Certainly not. Unhappy boy---- (ARTHUR _grins._) Come here. +Are you ashamed of yourself? + +ARTHUR (_blithely_). No, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_in a terrible voice_). Arthur Wellesley Tomson, fetch me the +implement. (ARTHUR _goes briskly for the cane, and she hits the desk +with it._) Arthur, surely that terrifies you? + +ARTHUR. No, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. Arthur, why did you fight with that street boy? + +ARTHUR. 'Cos he said that when you caned you did not draw blood. + +PHOEBE. But I don't, do I? + +ARTHUR. No, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. Then why fight him? (_Remembering how strange boys are._) +Was it for the honour of the school? + +ARTHUR. Yes, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. Say you are sorry, Arthur, and I won't punish you. + +(_He bursts into tears._) + +ARTHUR. You promised to cane me, and now you are not going to do it. + +PHOEBE (_incredulous_). Do you wish to be caned? + +ARTHUR (_holding out his hand eagerly_). If you please, Miss Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. Unnatural boy. (_She canes him in a very unprofessional +manner._) Poor dear boy. + +(_She kisses the hand._) + +ARTHUR (_gloomily_). Oh, ma'am, you will never be able to cane if you +hold it like that. You should hold it like this, Miss Phoebe, and give +it a wriggle like that. + +(_She is too soft-hearted to follow his instructions._) + +PHOEBE (_almost in tears_). Go away. + +ARTHUR (_remembering that women are strange_). Don't cry, ma'am; I +love you, Miss Phoebe. + +(_She seats him on her knee, and he thinks of a way to please her._) + +If any boy says you can't cane I will blood him, Miss Phoebe. + +(PHOEBE _shudders, and_ MISS SUSAN _again darts in. She signs to_ +PHOEBE _to send_ ARTHUR _away._) + +MISS SUSAN (_as soon as_ ARTHUR _has gone_). Phoebe, if a herring and +a half cost three ha'pence, how many for elevenpence? + +PHOEBE (_instantly_). Eleven. + +MISS SUSAN. William Smith says it is fifteen; and he is such a big +boy, do you think I ought to contradict him? May I say there are +differences of opinion about it? No one can be really sure, Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. It is eleven. I once worked it out with real herrings. +(_Stoutly._) Susan, we must never let the big boys know that we are +afraid of them. To awe them, stamp with the foot, speak in a ferocious +voice, and look them unflinchingly in the face. (_Then she pales._) +Oh, Susan, Isabella's father insists on her acquiring algebra. + +MISS SUSAN. What is algebra exactly; is it those three cornered things? + +PHOEBE. It is _x_ minus _y_ equals _z_ plus _y_ and things like that. +And all the time you are saying they are equal, you feel in your heart, +why should they be. + +(_The music of the band swells here, and both ladies put their hands to +their ears._) + +It is the band for to-night's ball. We must not grudge their +rejoicings, Susan. It is not every year that there is a Waterloo to +celebrate. + +MISS SUSAN. I was not thinking of that. I was thinking that he is to +be at the ball to-night; and we have not seen him for ten years. + +PHOEBE (_calmly_). Yes, ten years. We shall be glad to welcome our +old friend back, Susan. I am going in to your room now to take the +Latin class. + +(_A soldier with a girl passes--a yokel follows angrily._) + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, that weary Latin, I wish I had the whipping of the man +who invented it. + +(_She returns to her room, and the sound of the music dies away_. MISS +PHOEBE, _who is not a very accomplished classical scholar, is taking a +final peep at the declensions when_ MISS SUSAN _reappears excitedly._) + +PHOEBE. What is it? + +MISS SUSAN (_tragically_). William Smith! Phoebe, I tried to look +ferocious, indeed I did, but he saw I was afraid, and before the whole +school he put out his tongue at me. + +PHOEBE. Susan! + +(_She is lion-hearted; she remembers_ ARTHUR'S _instructions, and +practises with the cane._) + +MISS SUSAN (_frightened_). Phoebe, he is much too big. Let it pass. + +PHOEBE. If I let it pass I am a stumbling-block in the way of true +education. + +MISS SUSAN. Sister. + +PHOEBE (_grandly_). Susan, stand aside. + +(_Giving the cane_ ARTHUR'S _most telling flick, she marches into the +other room. Then, while_ MISS SUSAN _is listening nervously_, CAPTAIN +VALENTINE BROWN _is ushered in by_ PATTY. _He is bronzed and +soldierly. He wears the whiskers of the period, and is in uniform. He +has lost his left hand, but this is not at first noticeable._) + +PATTY. Miss Susan, 'tis Captain Brown! + +MISS SUSAN. Captain Brown! + +VALENTINE (_greeting her warmly_). Reports himself at home again. + +MISS SUSAN (_gratified_). You call this home? + +VALENTINE. When the other men talked of their homes, Miss Susan, I +thought of this room. (_Looking about him._) Maps--desks--heigho! +But still it is the same dear room. I have often dreamt, Miss Susan, +that I came back to it in muddy shoes. (_Seeing her alarm._) I have +not, you know! Miss Susan, I rejoice to find no change in you; and +Miss Phoebe--Miss Phoebe of the ringlets--I hope there be as little +change in her? + +MISS SUSAN (_painfully_). Phoebe of the ringlets! Ah, Captain Brown, +you need not expect to see her. + +VALENTINE. She is not here? I vow it spoils all my home-coming. + +(_At this moment the door of the other room is filing open and_ PHOEBE +_rushes out, followed by_ WILLIAM SMITH _who is brandishing the cane_. +VALENTINE _takes in the situation, and without looking at_ PHOEBE +_seizes_ WILLIAM _by the collar and marches him out of the school._) + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, did you see who it is? + +PHOEBE. I saw. (_In a sudden tremor._) Susan, I have lost all my +looks. + +(_The pupils are crowding in from_ MISS SUSAN'S _room and she orders +them back and goes with them_. VALENTINE _returns, and speaks as he +enters, not recognising_ PHOEBE, _whose back is to him._) + +VALENTINE. A young reprobate, madam, but I have deposited him on the +causeway. I fear-- + +(_He stops, puzzled because the lady has covered her face with her +hands._) + +PHOEBE. Captain Brown. + +VALENTINE. Miss Phoebe, it is you? + +(_He goes to her, but he cannot help showing that her appearance is a +shock to him._) + +PHOEBE (_without bitterness_). Yes, I have changed very much, I have +not worn well, Captain Brown. + +VALENTINE (_awkwardly_). We--we are both older, Miss Phoebe. + +(_He holds out his hand warmly, with affected high spirits._) + +PHOEBE (_smiling reproachfully_). It was both hands when you went +away. (_He has to show that his left hand is gone; she is overcome._) +I did not know. (_She presses the empty sleeve in remorse._) You +never mentioned it in your letters. + +VALENTINE (_now grown rather stern_). Miss Phoebe, what did you omit +from your letters that you had such young blackguards as that to +terrify you? + +PHOEBE. He is the only one. Most of them are dear children; and this +is the last day of the term. + +VALENTINE. Ah, ma'am, if only you had invested all your money as you +laid out part by my advice. What a monstrous pity you did not. + +PHOEBE. We never thought of it. + +VALENTINE. You look so tired. + +PHOEBE. I have the headache to-day. + +VALENTINE. You did not use to have the headache. Curse those dear +children. + +PHOEBE (_bravely_). Nay, do not distress yourself about me. Tell me +of yourself. We are so proud of the way in which you won your +commission. Will you leave the army now? + +VALENTINE. Yes; and I have some intention of pursuing again the old +life in Quality Street. (_He is not a man who has reflected much. He +has come back thinking that all the adventures have been his, and that +the old life in Quality Street has waited, as in a sleep, to be resumed +on the day of his return._) I came here in such high spirits, Miss +Phoebe. + +PHOEBE (_with a wry smile_). The change in me depresses you. + +VALENTINE. I was in hopes that you and Miss Susan would be going to +the ball. I had brought cards for you with me to make sure. + +(_She is pleased and means to accept. He sighs, and she understands +that he thinks her too old._) + +PHOEBE. But now you see that my dancing days are done. + +VALENTINE (_uncomfortably_). Ah, no. + +PHOEBE (_taking care he shall not see that he has hurt her_). But you +will find many charming partners. Some of them have been my pupils. +There was even a pupil of mine who fought at Waterloo. + +VALENTINE. Young Blades; I have heard him on it. (_She puts her hand +wearily to her head_). Miss Phoebe--what a dull grey world it is! + +(_She turns away to hide her emotion, and_ MISS SUSAN _comes in._) + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, I have said that you will not take the Latin class +to-day, and I am dismissing them. + +VALENTINE. Latin? + +PHOEBE (_rather defiantly_). I am proud to teach it. (_Breaking +down._) Susan--his arm--have you seen? + +(MISS SUSAN _also is overcome, but recovers as the children crowd in._) + +MISS SUSAN. Hats off, gentlemen salute, ladies curtsy--to the brave +Captain Brown. + +(CAPTAIN BROWN _salutes them awkwardly, and they cheer him, to his +great discomfort, as they pass out._) + +VALENTINE (_when they have gone_). A terrible ordeal, ma'am. + +(_The old friends look at each other, and there is a silence_. +VALENTINE _feels that all the fine tales and merry jests he has brought +back for the ladies have turned into dead things. He wants to go away +and think._) + +PHOEBE. I wish you very happy at the ball. + +VALENTINE (_sighing_). Miss Susan, cannot we turn all these maps and +horrors out till the vacation is over? + +MISS SUSAN. Indeed, sir, we always do. By to-morrow this will be my +dear blue and white room again, and that my sweet spare bedroom. + +PHOEBE. For five weeks! + +VALENTINE (_making vain belief_). And then--the--the dashing Mr. Brown +will drop in as of old, and, behold, Miss Susan on her knees once more +putting tucks into my little friend the ottoman, and Miss Phoebe---Miss +Phoebe---- + +PHOEBE. Phoebe of the ringlets! + +(_She goes out quietly._) + +VALENTINE (_miserably_). Miss Susan, what a shame it is. + +MISS SUSAN (_hotly_). Yes, it is a shame. + +VALENTINE (_suddenly become more of a man_). The brave Captain Brown! +Good God, ma'am, how much more brave are the ladies who keep a school. + +(PATTY _shows in two visitors,_ MISS CHARLOTTE PARRATT _and_ ENSIGN +BLADES. CHARLOTTE _is a pretty minx who we are glad to say does not +reside in Quality Street, and_ BLADES _is a callow youth, inviting +admiration._) + +CHARLOTTE (_as they salute_). But I did not know you had company, Miss +Susan. + +MISS SUSAN. 'Tis Captain Brown--Miss Charlotte Parratt. + +CHARLOTTE (_gushing_). The heroic Brown? + +VALENTINE. Alas, no, ma'am, the other one. + +CHARLOTTE. Miss Susan, do you see who accompanies me? + +MISS SUSAN. I cannot quite recall---- + +BLADES. A few years ago, ma'am, there sat in this room a scrubby, inky +little boy--I was that boy. + +MISS SUSAN. Can it be our old pupil--Ensign Blades? + +(_She thinks him very fine, and he bows, well pleased._) + +BLADES. Once a little boy and now your most obedient, ma'am. + +MISS SUSAN. You have come to recall old memories? + +BLADES. Not precisely; I--Charlotte, explain. + +CHARLOTTE. Ensign Blades wishes me to say that it must seem highly +romantic to you to have had a pupil who has fought at Waterloo. + +MISS SUSAN. Not exactly romantic. I trust, sir, that when you speak +of having been our pupil you are also so obliging as to mention that it +was during our first year. Otherwise it makes us seem so elderly. + +(_He bows again, in what he believes to be a quizzical manner._) + +CHARLOTTE. Ensign Blades would be pleased to hear, Miss Susan, what +you think of him as a whole. + +MISS SUSAN. Indeed, sir, I think you are monstrous fine. +(_Innocently._) It quite awes me to remember that we used to whip him. + +VALENTINE (_delighted_). Whipped him, Miss Susan! (_In solemn +burlesque of_ CHARLOTTE.) Ensign Blades wishes to indicate that it was +more than Buonaparte could do. We shall meet again, bright boy. + +(_He makes his adieux and goes._) + +BLADES. Do you think he was quizzing me? + +MISS SUSAN (_simply_). I cannot think so. + +BLADES. He said 'bright boy,' ma'am. + +MISS SUSAN. I am sure, sir, he did not mean it. + +(PHOEBE _returns._) + +PHOEBE. Charlotte, I am happy to see you. You look delicious, my +dear--so young and fresh. + +CHARLOTTE. La! Do you think so, Miss Phoebe? + +BLADES. Miss Phoebe, your obedient. + +PHOEBE. It is Ensign Blades! But how kind of you, sir, to revisit the +old school. Please to sit down. + +CHARLOTTE. Ensign Blades has a favour to ask of you, Miss Phoebe. + +BLADES. I learn, ma'am, that Captain Brown has obtained a card for you +for the ball, and I am here to solicit for the honour of standing up +with you. + +(_For the moment_ PHOEBE _is flattered. Here, she believes, is some +one who does not think her too old for the dance. Then she perceives a +meaning smile pass between_ CHARLOTTE _and the_ ENSIGN.) + +PHOEBE (_paling_). Is it that you desire to make sport of me? + +BLADES (_honestly distressed_). Oh no, ma'am, I vow--but I--I am such +a quiz, ma'am. + +MISS SUSAN. Sister! + +PHOEBE. I am sorry, sir, to have to deprive you of some entertainment, +but I am not going to the ball. + +MISS SUSAN (_haughtily_). Ensign Blades, I bid you my adieux. + +BLADES (_ashamed_). If I have hurt Miss Phoebe's feelings I beg to +apologise. + +MISS SUSAN. _If_ you have hurt them. Oh, sir, how is it possible for +any one to be as silly as you seem to be. + +BLADES (_who cannot find the answer_). Charlotte--explain. + +(_But_ CHARLOTTE _considers that their visit has not been sufficiently +esteemed and departs with a cold curtsy, taking him with her._) + +(MISS SUSAN _turns sympathetically to_ PHOEBE, _but_ PHOEBE, _fighting +with her pain, sits down at the spinet and plays at first excitedly a +gay tune, then slowly, then comes to a stop with her head bowed. Soon +she jumps up courageously, brushes away her distress, gets an algebra +book from the desk and sits down to study it_. MISS SUSAN _is at the +window, where ladies and gentlemen are now seen passing in ball +attire._) + +MISS SUSAN. What book is it, Phoebe? + +PHOEBE. It is an algebra. + +MISS SUSAN. They are going by to the ball. (_In anger._) My Phoebe +should be going to the ball, too. + +PHOEBE. You jest, Susan. (MISS SUSAN _watches her read_. PHOEBE _has +to wipe away a tear; soon she rises and gives way to the emotion she +has been suppressing ever since the entrance of_ VALENTINE.) Susan, I +hate him. Oh, Susan, I could hate him if it were not for his poor hand. + +MISS SUSAN. My dear. + +PHOEBE. He thought I was old, because I am weary, and he should not +have forgotten. I am only thirty. Susan, why does thirty seem so much +more than twenty-nine? (_As if_ VALENTINE _were present._) Oh, sir, +how dare you look so pityingly at me? Because I have had to work so +hard,--is it a crime when a woman works? Because I have tried to be +courageous--have I been courageous, Susan? + +MISS SUSAN. God knows you have. + +PHOEBE. But it has given me the headache, it has tired my eyes. Alas, +Miss Phoebe, all your charm has gone, for you have the headache, and +your eyes are tired. He is dancing with Charlotte Parratt now, Susan. +'I vow, Miss Charlotte, you are selfish and silly, but you are sweet +eighteen.' 'Oh la, Captain Brown, what a quiz you are.' That delights +him, Susan; see how he waggles his silly head. + +MISS SUSAN. Charlotte Parratt is a goose. + +PHOEBE. 'Tis what gentlemen prefer. If there were a sufficient number +of geese to go round, Susan, no woman of sense would ever get a +husband. 'Charming Miss Charlotte, you are like a garden; Miss Phoebe +was like a garden once, but 'tis a faded garden now.' + +MISS SUSAN. If to be ladylike---- + +PHOEBE. Susan, I am tired of being ladylike. I am a young woman +still, and to be ladylike is not enough. I wish to be bright and +thoughtless and merry. It is every woman's birthright to be petted and +admired; I wish to be petted and admired. Was I born to be confined +within these four walls? Are they the world, Susan, or is there +anything beyond them? I want to know. My eyes are tired because for +ten years they have seen nothing but maps and desks. Ten years! Ten +years ago I went to bed a young girl and I woke with this cap on my +head. It is not fair. This is not me, Susan, this is some other +person, I want to be myself. + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, Phoebe, you who have always been so patient! + +PHOEBE. Oh no, not always. If you only knew how I have rebelled at +times, you would turn from me in horror. Susan, I have a picture of +myself as I used to be; I sometimes look at it. I sometimes kiss it, +and say, 'Poor girl, they have all forgotten you. But I remember.' + +MISS SUSAN. I cannot recall it. + +PHOEBE. I keep it locked away in my room. Would you like to see it? +I shall bring it down. My room! Oh, Susan, it is there that the +Phoebe you think so patient has the hardest fight with herself, for +there I have seemed to hear and see the Phoebe of whom this (_looking +at herself_) is but an image in a distorted glass. I have heard her +singing as if she thought she was still a girl. I have heard her +weeping; perhaps it was only I who was weeping; but she seemed to cry +to me, 'Let me out of this prison, give me back the years you have +taken from me. Oh, where are my pretty curls?' she cried. 'Where is +my youth, my youth.' + +(_She goes out, leaving_ MISS SUSAN _woeful. Presently_ SUSAN _takes +up the algebra book and reads._) + +MISS SUSAN. 'A stroke B multiplied by B stroke C equal AB stroke a +little 2; stroke AC add BC. "Poor Phoebe!" Multiply by C stroke A and +we get-- Poor Phoebe! C a B stroke a little 2 stroke AC little 2 add +BC. "Oh, I cannot believe it!" Stroke a little 2 again, add AB little +2 add a little 2C stroke a BC.' ... + +(PATTY _comes in with the lamp._) + +PATTY. Hurting your poor eyes reading without a lamp. Think shame, +Miss Susan. + +MISS SUSAN (_with spirit_). Patty, I will not be dictated to. (PATTY +_looks out at window._) Draw the curtains at once. I cannot allow you +to stand gazing at the foolish creatures who crowd to a ball. + +PATTY (_closing curtains_). I am not gazing at them, ma'am; I am +gazing at my sweetheart. + +MISS SUSAN. Your sweetheart? (_Softly._) I did not know you had one. + +PATTY. Nor have I, ma'am, as yet. But I looks out, and thinks I to +myself, at any moment he may turn the corner. I ha' been looking out +at windows waiting for him to oblige by turning the corner this fifteen +years. + +MISS SUSAN. Fifteen years, and still you are hopeful? + +PATTY. There is not a more hopeful woman in all the king's dominions. + +MISS SUSAN. You who are so much older than Miss Phoebe. + +PATTY. Yes, ma'am, I ha' the advantage of her by ten years. + +MISS SUSAN. It would be idle to pretend that you are specially comely. + +PATTY. That may be, but my face is my own, and the more I see it in +the glass the more it pleases me. I never look at it but I say to +myself, 'Who is to be the lucky man?' + +MISS SUSAN. 'Tis wonderful. + +PATTY. This will be a great year for females, ma'am. Think how many +of the men that marched away strutting to the wars have come back +limping. Who is to take off their wooden legs of an evening, Miss +Susan? You, ma'am, or me? + +MISS SUSAN. Patty! + +PATTY (_doggedly_). Or Miss Phoebe? (_With feeling._) The pretty +thing that she was, Miss Susan. + +MISS SUSAN. Do you remember, Patty? I think there is no other person +who remembers unless it be the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta. + +PATTY (_eagerly_). Give her a chance, ma'am, and take her to the +balls. There be three of them this week, and the last ball will be the +best, for 'tis to be at the barracks, and you will need a carriage to +take you there, and there will be the packing of you into it by gallant +squires and the unpacking of you out, and other devilries. + +MISS SUSAN. Patty! + +PATTY. If Miss Phoebe were to dress young again and put candles in her +eyes that used to be so bright, and coax back her curls-- + +(PHOEBE _returns, and a great change has come over her. She is young +and pretty again. She is wearing the wedding-gown of_ ACT I., _her +ringlets are glorious, her figure youthful, her face flushed and +animated_. PATTY _is the first to see her, and is astonished_. PHOEBE +_signs to her to go._) + +PHOEBE (_when_ PATTY _has gone_). Susan. (MISS SUSAN _sees and is +speechless._) Susan, this is the picture of my old self that I keep +locked away in my room, and sometimes take out of its box to look at. +This is the girl who kisses herself in the glass and sings and dances +with glee until I put her away frightened lest you should hear her. + +MISS SUSAN. How marvellous! Oh, Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. Perhaps I should not do it, but it is so easy. I have but to +put on the old wedding-gown and tumble my curls out of the cap. +(_Passionately._) Sister, am I as changed as he says I am? + +MISS SUSAN. You almost frighten me. + +(_The band is heard._) + +PHOEBE. The music is calling to us. Susan, I will celebrate Waterloo +in a little ball of my own. See, my curls have begun to dance, they +are so anxious to dance. One dance, Susan, to Phoebe of the ringlets, +and then I will put her away in her box and never look at her again. +Ma'am, may I have the honour? Nay, then I shall dance alone. (_She +dances._) Oh, Susan, I almost wish I were a goose. + +(_Presently_ PATTY _returns. She gazes at_ MISS PHOEBE _dancing._) + +PATTY. Miss Phoebe! + +PHOEBE (_still dancing_). Not Miss Phoebe, Patty. I am not myself +to-night, I am--let me see, I am my niece. + +PATTY (_in a whisper to_ SUSAN). But Miss Susan, 'tis Captain Brown. + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, stop, Phoebe, stop! + +PATTY. Nay, let him see her! + +(MISS SUSAN _hurries scandalised into the other room as_ VALENTINE +_enters._) + +VALENTINE. I ventured to come back because---- (PHOEBE _turns to +him--he stops abruptly, bewildered._) I beg your pardon, madam, I +thought it was Miss Susan or Miss Phoebe. + +(_His mistake surprises her, but she is in a wild mood and curtsies, +then turns away and smiles. He stares as if half-convinced._) + +PATTY (_with an inspiration_). 'Tis my mistresses' niece, sir; she is +on a visit here. + +(_He is deceived. He bows gallantly, then remembers the object of his +visit. He produces a bottle of medicine._) + +VALENTINE. Patty, I obtained this at the apothecary's for Miss +Phoebe's headache. It should be taken at once. + +PATTY. Miss Phoebe is lying down, sir. + +VALENTINE. Is she asleep? + +PATTY (_demurely_). No, sir, I think she be wide awake. + +VALENTINE. It may soothe her. + +PHOEBE. Patty, take it to Aunt Phoebe at once. + +(_PATTY goes out sedately with the medicine._) + +VALENTINE (_after a little awkwardness, which_ PHOEBE _enjoys_). +Perhaps I may venture to present myself, Miss--Miss----? + +PHOEBE. Miss--Livvy, sir. + +VALENTINE. I am Captain Brown, Miss Livvy, an old friend of both your +aunts. + +PHOEBE (_curtsying_). I have heard them speak of a dashing Mr. Brown. +But I think it cannot be the same. + +VALENTINE (_a little chagrined_). Why not, ma'am? + +PHOEBE. I ask your pardon, sir. + +VALENTINE, I was sure you must be related. Indeed, for a moment the +likeness--even the voice---- + +PHOEBE (_pouting_). La, sir, you mean I am like Aunt Phoebe. Every +one says so--and indeed 'tis no compliment. + +VALENTINE. 'Twould have been a compliment once. You must be a +daughter of the excellent Mr. James Throssel who used to reside at +Great Buckland. + +PHOEBE. He is still there. + +VALENTINE. A tedious twenty miles from here, as I remember. + +PHOEBE. La! I have found the journey a monstrous quick one, sir. + +(_The band is again heard. She runs to the window to peep between the +curtains, and his eyes follow her admiringly._) + +VALENTINE (_eagerly_). Miss Livvy, you go to the ball? + +PHOEBE. Alas, sir, I have no card. + +VALENTINE. I have two cards for your aunts. As Miss Phoebe has the +headache, your Aunt Susan must take you to the ball. + +PHOEBE. Oh, oh! (_Her feet move to the music._) Sir, I cannot +control my feet. + +VALENTINE. They are already at the ball, ma'am; you must follow them. + +PHOEBE (_with all the pent-up mischief of ten years_). Oh, sir, do you +think some pretty gentleman might be partial to me at the ball? + +VALENTINE. If that is your wish---- + +PHOEBE. I should love, sir, to inspire frenzy in the breast of the +male. (_With sudden collapse._) I dare not go--I dare not. + +VALENTINE. Miss Livvy, I vow---- + +(_He turns eagerly to_ MISS SUSAN, _who enters._) + +I have ventured, Miss Susan, to introduce myself to your charming niece. + +(MISS SUSAN _would like to run away again, but the wicked_ MISS PHOEBE +_is determined to have her help._) + +PHOEBE. Aunt Susan, do not be angry with your Livvy--your Livvy, Aunt +Susan. This gentleman says he is the dashing Mr. Brown, he has cards +for us for the ball, Auntie. Of course we cannot go--we dare not go. +Oh, Auntie, hasten into your bombazine. + +MISS SUSAN (_staggered_). Phoebe---- + +PHOEBE. Aunt Phoebe wants me to go. If I say she does you know she +does! + +MISS SUSAN. But my dear, my dear. + +PHOEBE. Oh, Auntie, why do you talk so much. Come, come. + +VALENTINE. I shall see to it, Miss Susan, that your niece has a +charming ball. + +PHOEBE. He means he will find me sweet partners. + +VALENTINE. Nay, ma'am, I mean _I_ shall be your partner. + +PHOEBE (_who is not an angel_). Aunt Susan, he still dances! + +VALENTINE. _Still_, ma'am? + +PHOEBE. Oh, sir, you are indeed dashing. Nay, sir, please not to +scowl, I could not avoid noticing them. + +VALENTINE. Noticing what, Miss Livvy? + +PHOEBE. The grey hairs, sir. + +VALENTINE. I vow, ma'am, there is not one in my head. + +PHOEBE. He is such a quiz. I so love a quiz. + +VALENTINE. Then, ma'am, I shall do nothing but quiz you at the ball. +Miss Susan, I beg you-- + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, sir, dissuade her. + +VALENTINE. Nay, I entreat. + +PHOEBE. Auntie! + +MISS SUSAN. Think, my dear, think, we dare not. + +PHOEBE (_shuddering_). No, we dare not, I cannot go. + +VALENTINE. Indeed, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. 'Tis impossible. + +(_She really means it, and had not the music here taken an unfair +advantage of her it is certain that_ MISS PHOEBE _would never have gone +to the ball. In after years she and_ MISS SUSAN _would have talked +together of the monstrous evening when she nearly lost her head, but +regained it before it could fall off. But suddenly the music swells so +alluringly that it is a thousand fingers beckoning her to all the balls +she has missed, and in a transport she whirls_ MISS SUSAN _from the +blue and white room to the bed-chamber where is the bombazine_. +VALENTINE _awaits their return like a conqueror, until_ MISS LIVVY'S +_words about his hair return to trouble him. He is stooping, gazing +intently into a small mirror, extracting the grey hairs one by one, +when_ PATTY _ushers in the sisters_ WILLOUGHBY _and_ MISS HENRIETTA. +MISS HENRIETTA _is wearing the new veil, which opens or closes like +curtains when she pulls a string. She opens it now to see what he is +doing, and the slight sound brings him to his feet._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. 'Tis but the new veil, sir; there is no cause for +alarm. + +(_They have already learned from_ PATTY, _we may be sure, that he is in +the house, but they express genteel surprise._) + +MISS FANNY. Mary, surely we are addressing the gallant Captain Brown! + +VALENTINE. It is the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta. 'Tis +indeed a gratification to renew acquaintance with such elegant and +respectable females. + +(_The greetings are elaborate._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. You have seen Miss Phoebe, sir? + +VALENTINE. I have had the honour. Miss Phoebe, I regret to say, is +now lying down with the headache. (_The ladies are too delicately +minded to exchange glances before a man, but they are privately of +opinion that this meeting after ten years with the dazzling_ BROWN _has +laid_ MISS PHOEBE _low. They are in a twitter of sympathy with her, +and yearning to see_ MISS SUSAN _alone, so that they may draw from her +an account of the exciting meeting._) You do not favour the ball +to-night? + +MISS FANNY. I confess balls are distasteful to me. + +MISS HENRIETTA. 'Twill be a mixed assembly. I am credibly informed +that the woollen draper's daughter has obtained a card. + +VALENTINE (_gravely_). Good God, ma'am, is it possible? + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. We shall probably spend the evening here with Miss +Susan at the card table. + +VALENTINE. But Miss Susan goes with me to the ball, ma'am. + +(_This is scarcely less exciting to them than the overthrow of the +Corsican._) + +VALENTINE. Nay, I hope there be no impropriety. Miss Livvy will +accompany her. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_bewildered_). Miss Livvy? + +VALENTINE. Their charming niece. + +(_The ladies repeat the word in a daze._) + +MISS FANNY. They had not apprised us that they have a visitor. + +(_They think this reticence unfriendly, and are wondering whether they +ought not to retire hurt, when_ MISS SUSAN _enters in her bombazine, +wraps, and bonnet. She starts at sight of them, and has the bearing of +a guilty person._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_stiffly_). We have but now been advertised of your +intention for this evening, Susan. + +MISS HENRIETTA. We deeply regret our intrusion. + +MISS SUSAN (_wistfully_). Please not to be piqued, Mary. 'Twas +so--sudden. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. I cannot remember, Susan, that your estimable brother +had a daughter. I thought all the three were sons. + +MISS SUSAN (_with deplorable readiness_). Three sons and a daughter. +Surely you remember little Livvy, Mary? + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_bluntly_). No, Susan, I do not. + +MISS SUSAN. I--I must go. I hear Livvy calling. + +MISS FANNY (_tartly_). I hear nothing but the band. We are not to see +your niece? + +MISS SUSAN. Another time--to-morrow. Pray rest a little before you +depart, Mary. I--I--Phoebe Livvy--the headache---- + +(_But before she can go another lady enters gaily._) + +VALENTINE. Ah, here is Miss Livvy. + +(_The true culprit is more cunning than_ MISS SUSAN, _and before they +can see her she quickly pulls the strings of her bonnet, which is like_ +MISS HENRIETTA'S, _and it obscures her face._) + +MISS SUSAN. This--this is my niece, Livvy--Miss Willoughby, Miss +Henrietta, Miss Fanny Willoughby. + +VALENTINE. Ladies, excuse my impatience, but-- + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. One moment, sir. May I ask, Miss Livvy, how many +brothers you have. + +PHOEBE. Two. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. I thank you. + +(_She looks strangely at_ MISS SUSAN, _and_ MISS PHOEBE _knows that she +has blundered._) + +PHOEBE (_at a venture_). Excluding the unhappy Thomas. + +MISS SUSAN (_clever for the only moment in her life_). We never +mention him. + +(_They are swept away on the arms of the impatient_ CAPTAIN.) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY, MISS HENRIETTA, AND MISS FANNY. What has Thomas done? + +(_They have no suspicion as yet of what_ MISS PHOEBE _has done; but +they believe there is a scandal in the Throssel family, and they will +not sleep happily until they know what it is._) + + + +_End of Act II._ + + + + +ACT III + +THE BALL + +_A ball, but not the one to which we have seen Miss Susan and Miss +Phoebe rush forth upon their career of crime. This is the third of the +series, the one of which Patty has foretold with horrid relish that it +promises to be specially given over to devilries. The scene is a +canvas pavilion, used as a retiring room and for card play, and through +an opening in the back we have glimpses of gay uniforms and fair ladies +intermingled in the bravery of the dance. There is coming and going +through this opening, and also through slits in the canvas. The +pavilion is fantastically decorated in various tastes, and is lit with +lanterns. A good-natured moon, nevertheless, shines into it benignly. +Some of the card tables are neglected, but at one a game of quadrille +is in progress. There is much movement and hilarity, but none from one +side of the tent, where sit several young ladies, all pretty, all +appealing and all woeful, for no gallant comes to ask them if he may +have the felicity. The nervous woman chaperoning them, and afraid to +meet their gaze lest they scowl or weep in reply, is no other than Miss +Susan, the most unhappy Miss Susan we have yet seen; she sits there +gripping her composure in both hands. Far less susceptible to shame is +the brazen Phoebe, who may be seen passing the opening on the arm of a +cavalier, and flinging her trembling sister a mischievous kiss. The +younger ladies note the incident; alas, they are probably meant to +notice it, and they cower, as under a blow._ + + +HARRIET (_a sad-eyed, large girl, who we hope found a romance at her +next ball_). Are we so disagreeable that no one will dance with us? +Miss Susan, 'tis infamous; they have eyes for no one but your niece. + +CHARLOTTE. Miss Livvy has taken Ensign Blades from me. + +HARRIET. If Miss Phoebe were here, I am sure she would not allow her +old pupils to be so neglected. + +(_The only possible reply for_ MISS SUSAN _is to make herself look as +small as possible. A lieutenant comes to them, once a scorner of +woman, but now_ SPICER _the bewitched_. HARRIET _has a moment's hope._) + +How do you do, sir? + +SPICER (_with dreadful indifference, though she is his dear cousin_). +Nay, ma'am, how do you do? (_Wistfully._) May I stand beside you, +Miss Susan? + +(_He is a most melancholic young man, and he fidgets her._) + +MISS SUSAN (_with spirit_). You have been standing beside me, sir, +nearly all the evening. SPICER (_humbly. It is strange to think that +he had been favourably mentioned in despatches_). Indeed, I cannot but +be cognisant of the sufferings I cause by attaching myself to you in +this unseemly manner. Accept my assurances, ma'am, that you have my +deepest sympathy. + +MISS SUSAN. Then why do you do it? + +SPICER. Because you are her aunt, ma'am. It is a scheme of mine by +which I am in hopes to soften her heart. Her affection for you, ma'am, +is beautiful to observe, and if she could be persuaded that I seek her +hand from a passionate desire to have you for my Aunt Susan--do you +perceive anything hopeful in my scheme, ma'am? + +MISS SUSAN. No, sir, I do not. + +(SPICER _wanders away gloomily, takes too much to drink, and ultimately +becomes a general_. ENSIGN BLADES _appears, frowning, and_ CHARLOTTE +_ventures to touch his sleeve._) + +CHARLOTTE. Ensign Blades, I have not danced with you once this evening. + +BLADES (_with the cold brutality of a lover to another she_). Nor I +with you, Charlotte. (_To_ SUSAN.) May I solicit of you, Miss Susan, +is Captain Brown Miss Livvy's guardian; is he affianced to her? + +MISS SUSAN. No, sir. + +BLADES. Then by what right, ma'am, does he interfere? Your elegant +niece had consented to accompany me to the shrubbery--to look at the +moon. And now Captain Brown forbids it. 'Tis unendurable. + +CHARLOTTE. But you may see the moon from here, sir. + +BLADES (_glancing at it contemptuously_). I believe not, ma'am. (_The +moon still shines on._) + +MISS SUSAN (_primly_). I am happy Captain Brown forbade her. + +BLADES. Miss Susan, 'twas but because he is to conduct her to the +shrubbery himself. + +(_He flings out pettishly, and_ MISS SUSAN _looks pityingly at the +wall-flowers._) + +MISS SUSAN. My poor Charlotte! May I take you to some very agreeable +ladies? + +CHARLOTTE (_tartly_). No, you may not. I am going to the shrubbery to +watch Miss Livvy. + +MISS SUSAN. Please not to do that. + +CHARLOTTE (_implying that_ MISS SUSAN _will be responsible for her +early death_). My chest is weak. I shall sit among the dew. + +MISS SUSAN. Charlotte, you terrify me. At least, please to put this +cloak about your shoulders. Nay, my dear, allow me. + +(_She puts a cloak around_ CHARLOTTE, _who departs vindictively for the +shrubbery. She will not find_ LIVVY _there, however, for next moment_ +MISS PHOEBE _darts in from the back._) + +PHOEBE (_in a gay whisper_). Susan, another offer [Transcriber's note: +officer?] --Major Linkwater--rotund man, black whiskers, fierce +expression; he has rushed away to destroy himself. + +(_We have been unable to find any record of the Major's tragic end._) + +AN OLD SOLDIER (_looking up from a card table, whence he has heard the +raging of_ BLADES). Miss Livvy, ma'am, what is this about the moon? + +(PHOEBE _smiles roguishly._) + +PHOEBE (_looking about her_). I want my cloak, Aunt Susan. + +MISS SUSAN. I have just lent it to poor Charlotte Parratt. + +PHOEBE. Oh, auntie! + +OLD SOLDIER. And now Miss Livvy cannot go into the shrubbery to see +the moon; and she is so fond of the moon! + +(MISS PHOEBE _screws her nose at him merrily, and darts back to the +dance, but she has left a defender behind her._) + +A GALLANT (_whose name we have not succeeded in discovering_). Am I to +understand, sir, that you are intimating disparagement of the moon? If +a certain female has been graciously pleased to signify approval of +that orb, any slight cast upon the moon, sir, I shall regard as a +personal affront. + +OLD SOLDIER. Hoity-toity. + +(_But he rises, and they face each other, as_ MISS SUSAN _feels, for +battle. She is about to rush between their undrawn swords when there +is a commotion outside; a crowd gathers and opens to allow some +officers to assist a fainting woman into the tent. It is_ MISS PHOEBE, +_and_ MISS SUSAN _with a cry goes on her knees beside her. The tent +has filled with the sympathetic and inquisitive, but_ CAPTAIN BROWN, +_as a physician, takes command, and by his order they retire. He finds +difficulty in bringing the sufferer to, and gets little help from_ MISS +SUSAN, _who can only call upon_ MISS PHOEBE _by name._) + +VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Susan, 'tis useless calling for Miss Phoebe. +'Tis my fault; I should not have permitted Miss Livvy to dance so +immoderately. Why do they delay with the cordial? + +(_He goes to the back to close the opening, and while he is doing so +the incomprehensible_ MISS PHOEBE _seizes the opportunity to sit up on +her couch of chairs, waggle her finger at_ MISS SUSAN, _and sign darkly +that she is about to make a genteel recovery._) + +PHOEBE. Where am I? Is that you, Aunt Susan? What has happened? + +VALENTINE (_returning_). Nay, you must recline, Miss Livvy. You +fainted. You have over-fatigued yourself. + +PHOEBE. I remember. + +(BLADES _enters with the cordial._) + +VALENTINE. You will sip this cordial. + +BLADES. By your leave, sir. + +(_He hands it to_ PHOEBE _himself._) + +VALENTINE. She is in restored looks already, Miss Susan. + +PHOEBE. I am quite recovered. Perhaps if you were to leave me now +with my excellent aunt---- + +VALENTINE. Be off with you, apple cheeks. + +BLADES. Sir, I will suffer no reference to my complexion; and, if I +mistake not, this charming lady was addressing you. + +PHOEBE. If you please, both of you. (_They retire together, and no +sooner have they gone than_ MISS PHOEBE _leaps from the couch, her eyes +sparkling. She presses the cordial on_ MISS SUSAN.) Nay, drink it, +Susan. I left it for you on purpose. I have such awful information to +impart. Drink. (MISS SUSAN _drinks tremblingly and then the bolt is +fired._) Susan, Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny are here! + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe! + +PHOEBE. Suddenly my eyes lighted on them. At once I slipped to the +ground. + +MISS SUSAN. You think they did not see you? + +PHOEBE. I am sure of it. They talked for a moment to Ensign Blades, +and then turned and seemed to be going towards the shrubbery. + +MISS SUSAN. He had heard that you were there with Captain Brown. He +must have told them. + +PHOEBE. I was not. But oh, sister, I am sure they suspect, else why +should they be here? They never frequent balls. + +MISS SUSAN. They have suspected for a week, ever since they saw you in +your veil, Phoebe, on the night of the first dance. How could they but +suspect, when they have visited us every day since then and we have +always pretended that Livvy was gone out. + +PHOEBE. Should they see my face it will be idle to attempt to deceive +them. + +MISS SUSAN. Idle indeed; Phoebe, the scandal! You--a schoolmistress! + +PHOEBE. That is it, sister. A little happiness has gone to my head +like strong waters. + +(_She is very restless and troubled._) + +MISS SUSAN. My dear, stand still, and think. + +PHOEBE. I dare not, I cannot. Oh, Susan, if they see me we need not +open school again. + +MISS SUSAN. We shall starve. + +PHOEBE (_passionately_). This horrid, forward, flirting, heartless, +hateful little toad of a Livvy. + +MISS SUSAN. Brother James's daughter, as we call her! + +PHOEBE. 'Tis all James's fault. + +MISS SUSAN. Sister, when you know that James has no daughter! + +PHOEBE. If he had really had one, think you I could have been so +wicked as to personate her? Susan, I know not what I am saying, but +you know who it is that has turned me into this wild creature. + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, Valentine Brown, how could you? + +PHOEBE. To weary of Phoebe--patient, lady-like Phoebe--the Phoebe whom +I have lost--to turn from her with a 'Bah, you make me old,' and become +enamoured in a night of a thing like this! + +MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes, indeed; yet he has been kind to us also. He has +been to visit us several times. + +PHOEBE. In the hope to see her. Was he not most silent and gloomy +when we said she was gone out? + +MISS SUSAN. He is infatuate---- (_She hesitates._) Sister, you are +not partial to him still? + +PHOEBE. No, Susan, no. I did love him all those years, though I never +spoke of it to you. I put hope aside at once, I folded it up and +kissed it and put it away like a pretty garment I could never wear +again, I but loved to think of him as a noble man. But he is not a +noble man, and Livvy found it out in an hour. The gallant! I flirted +that I might enjoy his fury. Susan, there has been a declaration in +his eyes all to-night, and when he cries 'Adorable Miss Livvy, be +mine,' I mean to answer with an 'Oh, la, how ridiculous you are. You +are much too old--I have been but quizzing you, sir.' + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, how can you be so cruel? + +PHOEBE. Because he has taken from me the one great glory that is in a +woman's life. Not a man's love--she can do without that--but her own +dear sweet love for him. He is unworthy of my love; that is why I can +be so cruel. + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, dear. + +PHOEBE. And now my triumph is to be denied me, for we must steal away +home before Henrietta and Fanny see us. + +MISS SUSAN. Yes, yes. + +PHOEBE (_dispirited_). And to-morrow we must say that Livvy has gone +back to her father, for I dare keep up this deception no longer. +Susan, let us go. + +(_They are going dejectedly, but are arrested by the apparition of_ +MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY _peeping into the tent_. PHOEBE _has +just time to signify to her sister that she will confess all and beg +for mercy, when the intruders speak._) + +Miss HENRIETTA (_not triumphant but astounded_). You, Miss Phoebe? + +PHOEBE (_with bowed head_). Yes. + +MISS FANNY. How amazing! You do not deny, ma'am, that you are Miss +Phoebe? + +PHOEBE (_making confession_). Yes, Fanny, I am Miss Phoebe. + +(_To her bewilderment_ HENRIETTA _and_ FANNY _exchange ashamed +glances._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. Miss Phoebe, we have done you a cruel wrong. + +MISS FANNY. Phoebe, we apologise. + +MISS HENRIETTA. To think how excitedly we have been following her +about in the shrubbery. + +MISS FANNY. She is wearing your cloak. + +MISS HENRIETTA. Ensign Blades told us she was gone to the shrubbery. + +MISS FANNY. And we were convinced there was no such person. + +MISS HENRIETTA. So of course we thought it must be you. + +MISS FANNY (_who has looked out_). I can discern her in the shrubbery +still. She is decidedly taller than Phoebe. + +MISS HENRIETTA. I thought she looked taller. I meant to say so. +Phoebe, 'twas the cloak deceived us. We could not see her face. + +PHOEBE (_beginning to understand_). Cloak? You mean, Henrietta--you +mean, Fanny-- + +MISS FANNY. 'Twas wicked of us, my dear, but we--we thought that you +and Miss Livvy were the same person. (_They have evidently been +stalking_ CHARLOTTE _in_ MISS PHOEBE'S _cloak_. MISS SUSAN _shudders, +but_ MISS PHOEBE _utters a cry of reproach, and it is some time before +they can persuade her to forgive them. It is of course also some time +before we can forgive_ MISS PHOEBE.) Phoebe, you look so pretty. Are +they paying you no attentions, my dear? + +(PHOEBE _is unable to resist these delightful openings. The imploring +looks_ MISS SUSAN _gives her but add to her enjoyment. It is as if the +sense of fun she had caged a moment ago were broke loose again._) + +PHOEBE. Alas, they think of none but Livvy. They come to me merely to +say that they adore her. + +MISS HENRIETTA. Surely not Captain Brown? + +PHOEBE. He is infatuate about her. + +MISS FANNY. Poor Phoebe! + +(_They make much of her, and she purrs naughtily to their stroking, +with lightning peeps at_ MISS SUSAN. _Affronted Providence seeks to +pay her out by sending_ ENSIGN BLADES _into the tent. Then the close +observer may see_ MISS PHOEBE'S _heart sink like a bucket in a well_. +MISS SUSAN _steals from the tent._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. Mr. Blades, I have been saying that if I were a +gentleman I would pay my addresses to Miss Phoebe much rather than to +her niece. + +BLADES. Ma'am, excuse me. + +MISS HENRIETTA (_indignant that_ MISS PHOEBE _should be slighted so +publicly_). Sir, you are a most ungallant and deficient young man. + +BLADES. Really, ma'am, I assure you---- + +MISS HENRIETTA. Not another word, sir. + +PHOEBE (_in her most old-maidish manner_). Miss Fanny, Miss Henrietta, +it is time I spoke plainly to this gentleman. Please leave him to me. +Surely 'twill come best from me. + +MISS HENRIETTA. Indeed, yes, if it be not too painful to you. + +PHOEBE. I must do my duty. + +MISS FANNY (_wistfully_). If we could remain-- + +PHOEBE. Would it be seemly, Miss Fanny? + +MISS HENRIETTA. Come, Fanny. (_To_ BLADES.) Sir, you bring your +punishment upon yourself. + +(_They press_ PHOEBE'S _hand, and go. Her heart returns to its usual +abode._) + +BLADES (_bewildered_). Are you angry with me, Miss Livvy? + +PHOEBE. Oh, no. + +BLADES. Miss Livvy, I have something to say to you of supreme +importance to me. With regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss +Livvy, that it has retained a too youthful bloom. My brother officers +comment on it with a certain lack of generosity. (_Anxiously._) Might +I inquire, ma'am, whether you regard my complexion as a subject for +light talk. + +PHOEBE. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it. + +BLADES (_who has had no intention of offering, but is suddenly carried +off his feet by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt +responsible for many proposals_). Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it. + +(_She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before his +affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She would +endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have listened to you,_ +ENSIGN BLADES, _with attention, but I am really_ MISS PHOEBE, _and I +must now request you to fetch me the implement.' Under the shock, would +he have surrendered his palm for punishment? It can never be known, +for as she looks at him longingly,_ LIEUTENANT SPICER _enters, and he +mistakes the meaning of that longing look._) + +SPICER. 'Tis my dance, ma'am--'tis not Ensign Blades'. + +BLADES. Leave us, sir. We have matter of moment to discuss. + +SPICER (_fearing the worst_). His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so +deep as mine. He is a light and shallow nature. + +PHOEBE. Pooh! You are both light and shallow natures. + +BLADES. Both, ma'am? (_But he is not sure that he has not had a +miraculous escape._) + +PHOEBE (_severely_). 'Tis such as you, with your foolish flirting +ways, that confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as silly as +yourselves. + +SPICER (_crushed_). Ma'am. + +PHOEBE. I did not mean to hurt you. (_She takes a hand of each and +tries to advise them as if her curls were once more hidden under a +cap._) You are so like little boys in a school. Do be good. Sit here +beside me. I know you are very brave-- + +BLADES. Ha! + +PHOEBE. And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful +to you to flirt with the ladies again. + +SPICER. Oh, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help +saying that you adore her. + +BLADES (_in an ecstasy_). Nay, I swear. + +PHOEBE. And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so +deficient in conversation. + +SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE (_with sudden irritation_). Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of +you, and read improving books. + +(_They are cast down. She has not been quite fair to these gallants, +for it is not really of them she has grown weary so much as of the lady +they temporarily adore. If_ MISS PHOEBE _were to analyse her feelings +she would find that her remark is addressed to_ LIVVY, _and that it +means, 'I have enjoyed for a little pretending to be you, but I am not +you and I do not wish to be you. Your glitter and the airs of you and +the racket of you tire me, I want to be done with you, and to be back +in quiet Quality Street, of which I am a part; it is really pleasant to +me to know that I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged.' With +the entrance of_ CAPTAIN BROWN, _however, she is at once a frivol +again. He frowns at sight of her cavaliers._) + +VALENTINE. Gentlemen, I instructed this lady to rest, and I am +surprised to find you in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary of +their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to order your chaise. + +PHOEBE. It is indeed a liberty. + +BLADES. An outrage. + +PHOEBE. I prefer to remain. + +VALENTINE. Nay. + +PHOEBE. I promised this dance to Ensign Blades. + +SPICER. To me, ma'am. + +PHOEBE. And the following one to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your +arm. + +VALENTINE. I forbid any further dancing. + +PHOEBE. Forbid. La! + +BLADES. Sir, by what right---- + +VALENTINE. By a right which I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon +as you gentlemen have retired. + +(PHOEBE _sees that the declaration is coming. She steels herself._) + +PHOEBE. I am curious to know what Captain Brown can have to say to me. +In a few minutes, Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall be at your +service. + +VALENTINE. I trust not. + +PHOEBE. I give them my word. + +(_The young gentlemen retire, treading air once more_. BROWN _surveys +her rather grimly._) + +VALENTINE. You are an amazing pretty girl, ma'am, but you are a +shocking flirt. + +PHOEBE. La! + +VALENTINE. It has somewhat diverted me to watch them go down before +you. But I know you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier +in your one hand there is a handkerchief in the other ready to staunch +their wounds. + +PHOEBE. I have not observed that they bled much. + +VALENTINE. The Blades and the like, no. But one may, perhaps. + +PHOEBE (_obviously the reference is to himself_). Perhaps I may wish +to see him bleed. + +VALENTINE (_grown stern_). For shame, Miss Livvy. (_Anger rises in +her, but she wishes him to proceed._) I speak, ma'am, in the interests +of the man to whom I hope to see you affianced. + +(_No, she does not wish him to proceed. She had esteemed him for so +long, she cannot have him debase himself before her now._) + +PHOEBE. Shall we--I have changed my mind, I consent to go home. +Please to say nothing. + +VALENTINE. Nay---- + +PHOEBE. I beg you. + +VALENTINE. No. We must have it out. + +PHOEBE. Then if you must go on, do so. But remember I begged you to +desist. Who is this happy man? + +(_His next words are a great shock to her._) + +VALENTINE. As to who he is, ma'am, of course I have no notion. Nor, I +am sure, have you, else you would be more guarded in your conduct. But +some day, Miss Livvy, the right man will come. Not to be able to tell +him all, would it not be hard? And how could you acquaint him with +this poor sport? His face would change, ma'am, as you told him of it, +and yours would be a false face until it was told. This is what I have +been so desirous to say to you--by the right of a friend. + +PHOEBE (_in a low voice but bravely_). I see. + +VALENTINE (_afraid that he has hurt her_). It has been hard to say and +I have done it bunglingly. Ah, but believe me, Miss Livvy, it is not +the flaunting flower men love; it is the modest violet. + +PHOEBE. The modest violet! _You_ dare to say that. + +VALENTINE. Yes, indeed, and when you are acquaint with what love +really is---- + +PHOEBE. Love! What do you know of love? + +VALENTINE (_a little complacently_). Why, ma'am, I know all about it. +I am in love, Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE (_with a disdainful inclination of the head_). I wish you happy. + +VALENTINE. With a lady who was once very like you, ma'am. + +(_At first_ PHOEBE _does not understand, then a suspicion of his +meaning comes to her._) + +PHOEBE. Not--not--oh no. + +VALENTINE. I had not meant to speak of it, but why should not I? It +will be a fine lesson to you, Miss Livvy. Ma'am, it is your Aunt +Phoebe whom I love. + +PHOEBE (_rigid_). You do not mean that. + +VALENTINE. Most ardently. + +PHOEBE. It is not true; how dare you make sport of her. + +VALENTINE. Is it sport to wish she may be my wife? + +PHOEBE. Your wife! + +VALENTINE. If I could win her. + +PHOEBE (_bewildered_). May I solicit, sir, for how long you have been +attached to Miss Phoebe? + +VALENTINE. For nine years, I think. + +PHOEBE. You think! + +VALENTINE. I want to be honest. Never in all that time had I thought +myself in love. Your aunts were my dear friends, and while I was at +the wars we sometimes wrote to each other, but they were only friendly +letters. I presume the affection was too placid to be love. + +PHOEBE. I think that would be Aunt Phoebe's opinion. + +VALENTINE. Yet I remember, before we went into action for the first +time--I suppose the fear of death was upon me--some of them were making +their wills--I have no near relative--I left everything to these two +ladies. + +PHOEBE (_softly_). Did you? + +(_What is it that_ MISS PHOEBE _begins to see as she sits there so +quietly, with her hands pressed together as if upon some treasure? It +is_ PHOEBE _of the ringlets with the stain taken out of her._) + +VALENTINE. And when I returned a week ago and saw Miss Phoebe, grown +so tired-looking and so poor---- + +PHOEBE. The shock made you feel old, I know. + +VALENTINE. No, Miss Livvy, but it filled me with a sudden passionate +regret that I had not gone down in that first engagement. They would +have been very comfortably left. + +PHOEBE. Oh, sir! + +VALENTINE. I am not calling it love. + +PHOEBE. It was sweet and kind, but it was not love. + +VALENTINE. It is love now. + +PHOEBE. No, it is only pity. + +VALENTINE. It is love. + +PHOEBE (_she smiles tremulously_). You really mean Phoebe--tired, +unattractive Phoebe, that woman whose girlhood is gone. Nay, +impossible. + +VALENTINE (_stoutly_). Phoebe of the fascinating playful ways, whose +ringlets were once as pretty as yours, ma'am. I have visited her in +her home several times this week--you were always out--I thank you for +that! I was alone with her, and with fragrant memories of her. + +PHOEBE. Memories! Yes, that is the Phoebe you love, the bright girl +of the past--not the schoolmistress in her old-maid's cap. + +VALENTINE. There you wrong me, for I have discovered for myself that +the schoolmistress in her old-maid's cap is the noblest Miss Phoebe of +them all. (_If only he would go away, and let_ MISS PHOEBE _cry._) +When I enlisted, I remember I compared her to a garden. I have often +thought of that. + +PHOEBE. 'Tis an old garden now. + +VALENTINE. The paths, ma'am, are better shaded. + +PHOEBE. The flowers have grown old-fashioned. + +VALENTINE. They smell the sweeter. Miss Livvy, do you think there is +any hope for me? + +PHOEBE. There was a man whom Miss Phoebe loved--long ago. He did not +love her. + +VALENTINE. Now here was a fool! + +PHOEBE. He kissed her once. + +VALENTINE. If Miss Phoebe suffered him to do that she thought he loved +her. + +PHOEBE. Yes, yes. (_She has to ask him the ten years old question._) +Do you opinion that this makes her action in allowing it less +reprehensible? It has been such a pain to her ever since. + +VALENTINE. How like Miss Phoebe! (_Sternly._) But that man was a +knave. + +PHOEBE. No, he was a good man--only a little--inconsiderate. She +knows now that he has even forgotten that he did it. I suppose men are +like that? + +VALENTINE. No, Miss Livvy, men are not like that. I am a very average +man, but I thank God I am not like that. + +PHOEBE. It was you. + +VALENTINE (_after a pause_). Did Miss Phoebe say that? + +PHOEBE. Yes. + +VALENTINE. Then it is true. + +(_He is very grave and quiet._) + +PHOEBE. It was raining and her face was wet. You said you did it +because her face was wet. + +VALENTINE. I had quite forgotten. + +PHOEBE. But she remembers, and how often do you think the shameful +memory has made her face wet since? The face you love, Captain Brown, +you were the first to give it pain. The tired eyes--how much less +tired they might be if they had never known you. You who are torturing +me with every word, what have you done to Miss Phoebe? You who think +you can bring back the bloom to that faded garden, and all the pretty +airs and graces that fluttered round it once like little birds before +the nest is torn down--bring them back to her if you can, sir; it was +you who took them away. + +VALENTINE. I vow I shall do my best to bring them back. (MISS PHOEBE +_shakes her head._) Miss Livvy, with your help---- + +PHOEBE. My help! I have not helped. I tried to spoil it all. + +VALENTINE (_smiling_). To spoil it? You mean that you sought to flirt +even with me. Ah, I knew you did. But that is nothing. + +PHOEBE. Oh, sir, if you could overlook it. + +VALENTINE. I do. + +PHOEBE. And forget these hateful balls. + +VALENTINE. Hateful! Nay, I shall never call them that. They have +done me too great a service. It was at the balls that I fell in love +with Miss Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. What can you mean? + +VALENTINE. She who was never at a ball! (_Checking himself +humorously._) But I must not tell you, it might hurt you. + +PHOEBE. Tell me. + +VALENTINE (_gaily_). Then on your own head be the blame. It is you +who have made me love her, Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE. Sir? + +VALENTINE. Yes, it is odd, and yet very simple. You who so resembled +her as she was! for an hour, ma'am, you bewitched me; yes, I confess +it, but 'twas only for an hour. How like, I cried at first, but soon +it was, how unlike. There was almost nothing she would have said that +you said; you did so much that she would have scorned to do. But I +must not say these things to you! + +PHOEBE. I ask it of you, Captain Brown. + +VALENTINE. Well! Miss Phoebe's 'lady-likeness,' on which she set such +store that I used to make merry of the word--I gradually perceived that +it is a woman's most beautiful garment, and the casket which contains +all the adorable qualities that go to the making of a perfect female. +When Miss Livvy rolled her eyes--ah! + +(_He stops apologetically._) + +PHOEBE. Proceed, sir. + +VALENTINE. It but made me the more complacent that never in her life +had Miss Phoebe been guilty of the slightest deviation from the +strictest propriety. (_She shudders._) I was always conceiving her in +your place. Oh, it was monstrous unfair to you. I stood looking at +you, Miss Livvy, and seeing in my mind her and the pretty things she +did, and you did not do; why, ma'am, that is how I fell in love with +Miss Phoebe at the balls. + +PHOEBE. I thank you. + +VALENTINE. Ma'am, tell me, do you think there is any hope for me? + +PHOEBE. Hope! + +VALENTINE. I shall go to her. 'Miss Phoebe,' I will say--oh, ma'am, +so reverently--'Miss Phoebe, my beautiful, most estimable of women, let +me take care of you for ever more.' + +(MISS PHOEBE _presses the words to her heart and then drops them._) + +PHOEBE. Beautiful. La, Aunt Phoebe! + +VALENTINE. Ah, ma'am, you may laugh at a rough soldier so much +enamoured, but 'tis true. 'Marry me, Miss Phoebe,' I will say, 'and I +will take you back through those years of hardships that have made your +sweet eyes too patient. Instead of growing older you shall grow +younger. We will travel back together to pick up the many little joys +and pleasures you had to pass by when you trod that thorny path alone.' + +PHOEBE. Can't be--can't be. + +VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Phoebe has loved me. 'Tis you have said it. + +PHOEBE. I did not mean to tell you. + +VALENTINE. She will be my wife yet. + +PHOEBE. Never. + +VALENTINE. You are severe, Miss Livvy. But it is because you are +partial to her, and I am happy of that. + +PHOEBE (_in growing horror of herself_). I partial to her! I am +laughing at both of you. Miss Phoebe. La, that old thing. + +VALENTINE (_sternly_). Silence! + +PHOEBE. I hate her and despise her. If you knew what she is---- + +(_He stops her with a gesture._) + +VALENTINE. I know what you are. + +PHOEBE. That paragon who has never been guilty of the slightest +deviation from the strictest propriety. + +VALENTINE. Never. + +PHOEBE. That garden---- + +VALENTINE. Miss Livvy, for shame. + +PHOEBE. Your garden has been destroyed, sir; the weeds have entered +it, and all the flowers are choked. + +VALENTINE. You false woman, what do you mean? + +PHOEBE. I will tell you. (_But his confidence awes her._) What faith +you have in her. + +VALENTINE. As in my God. Speak. + +PHOEBE. I cannot tell you. + +VALENTINE. No, you cannot. + +PHOEBE. It is too horrible. + +VALENTINE. You are too horrible. Is not that it? + +PHOEBE. Yes, that is it. + +(MISS SUSAN _has entered and caught the last words._) + +MISS SUSAN (_shrinking as from a coming blow_). What is too horrible? + +VALENTINE. Ma'am, I leave the telling of it to her, if she dare. And +I devoutly hope those are the last words I shall ever address to this +lady. + +(_He bows and goes out in dudgeon_. MISS SUSAN _believes all is +discovered and that_ MISS PHOEBE _is for ever shamed._) + +MISS SUSAN (_taking_ PHOEBE _in her arms_). My love, my dear, what +terrible thing has he said to you? + +PHOEBE (_forgetting everything but that she is loved_). Not +terrible--glorious! Susan, 'tis Phoebe he loves, 'tis me, not Livvy! +He loves me, he loves me! Me--Phoebe! + +(MISS SUSAN'S _bosom swells. It is her great hour as much as_ +PHOEBE'S.) + + + +_End of Act III._ + + + + +ACT IV + +THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM + +_If we could shut our eyes to the two sisters sitting here in woe, this +would be, to the male eye at least, the identical blue and white room +of ten years ago; the same sun shining into it and playing familiarly +with Miss Susan's treasures. But the ladies are changed. It is not +merely that Miss Phoebe has again donned her schoolmistress's gown and +hidden her curls under the cap. To see her thus once more, her real +self, after the escapade of the ball, is not unpleasant, and the cap +and gown do not ill become the quiet room. But she now turns guiltily +from the sun that used to be her intimate, her face is drawn, her form +condensed into the smallest space, and her hands lie trembling in her +lap. It is disquieting to note that any life there is in the room +comes not from her but from Miss Susan. If the house were to go on +fire now it would be she who would have to carry out Miss Phoebe._ + +_Whatever of import has happened since the ball, Patty knows it, and is +enjoying it. We see this as she ushers in Miss Willoughby. Note also, +with concern, that at mention of the visitor's name the eyes of the +sisters turn affrightedly, not to the door by which their old friend +enters, but to the closed door of the spare bed-chamber. Patty also +gives it a meaning glance; then the three look at each other, and two +of them blanch._ + + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_the fourth to look at the door_). I am just run +across, Susan, to inquire how Miss Livvy does now. + +MISS SUSAN. She is still very poorly, Mary. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. I am so unhappy of that. I conceive it to be a +nervous disorder? + +MISS SUSAN (_almost too glibly_). Accompanied by trembling, +flutterings, and spasms. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. The excitements of the ball. You have summoned the +apothecary at last, I trust, Phoebe? + +(MISS PHOEBE, _once so ready of defence, can say nothing._) + +MISS SUSAN (_to the rescue_). It is Livvy's own wish that he should +not be consulted. + +Miss WILLOUGHBY (_looking longingly at the door_). May I go in to see +her? + +MISS SUSAN. I fear not, Mary. She is almost asleep, and it is best +not to disturb her. (_Peeping into the bedroom._) Lie quite still, +Livvy, my love, quite still. + +(_Somehow this makes_ PATTY _smile so broadly that she finds it +advisable to retire_. MISS WILLOUGHBY _sighs, and produces a small +bowl from the folds of her cloak._) + +Miss WILLOUGHBY. This is a little arrowroot, of which I hope Miss +Livvy will be so obliging as to partake. + +MISS SUSAN (_taking the bowl_). I thank you, Mary. + +PHOEBE (_ashamed_). Susan, we ought not---- + +MISS SUSAN (_shameless_). I will take it to her while it is still warm. + +(_She goes into the bedroom_. MISS WILLOUGHBY _gazes at_ MISS PHOEBE, +_who certainly shrinks. It has not escaped the notice of the visitor +that_ MISS PHOEBE _has become the more timid of the sisters, and she +has evolved an explanation._) + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. Phoebe, has Captain Brown been apprised of Miss +Livvy's illness? + +PHOEBE (_uncomfortably_). I think not, Miss Willoughby. + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_sorry for_ PHOEBE, _and speaking very kindly_). Is +this right, Phoebe? You informed Fanny and Henrietta at the ball of +his partiality for Livvy. My dear, it is hard for you, but have you +any right to keep them apart? + +PHOEBE (_discovering only now what are the suspicions of her friends_). +Is that what you think I am doing, Miss Willoughby? + +MISS WILLOUGHBY. Such a mysterious illness. (_Sweetly_) Long ago, +Phoebe, I once caused much unhappiness through foolish jealousy. That +is why I venture to hope that you will not be as I was, my dear. + +PHOEBE. I jealous of Livvy! + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_with a sigh_). I thought as little of the lady I +refer to, but he thought otherwise. + +PHOEBE. Indeed, Miss Willoughby, you wrong me. + +(_But_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _does not entirely believe her, and there is a +pause, so long a pause that unfortunately_ MISS SUSAN _thinks she has +left the house._) + +MISS SUSAN (_peeping in_). Is she gone? + +MISS WILLOUGHBY (_hurt_). No, Susan, but I am going. + +MISS SUSAN (_distressed_). Mary! + +(_She follows her out, but_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _will not be comforted, and +there is a coldness between them for the rest of the day_. MISS SUSAN +_is not so abashed as she ought to be. She returns, and partakes with +avidity of the arrowroot._) + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, I am well aware that this is wrong of me, but +Mary's arrowroot is so delicious. The ladies'-fingers and +petticoat-tails those officers sent to Livvy, I ate them also! (_Once +on a time this would have amused_ MISS PHOEBE, _but her sense of humour +has gone. She is crying._) Phoebe, if you have such remorse you will +weep yourself to death. + +PHOEBE. Oh, sister, were it not for you, how gladly would I go into a +decline. + +MISS SUSAN (_after she has soothed_ PHOEBE _a little_). My dear, what +is to be done about her? We cannot have her supposed to be here for +ever. + +PHOEBE. We had to pretend that she was ill to keep her out of sight; +and now we cannot say she has gone away, for the Miss Willoughby's +windows command our door, and they are always watching. + +MISS SUSAN (_peeping from the window_). I see Fanny watching now. I +feel, Phoebe, as if Livvy really existed. + +PHOEBE (_mournfully_). We shall never be able to esteem ourselves +again. + +MISS SUSAN (_who has in her the makings of a desperate criminal_). +Phoebe, why not marry him? If only we could make him think that Livvy +had gone home. Then he need never know. + +PHOEBE. Susan, you pain me. She who marries without telling all--hers +must ever be a false face. They are his own words. + +(PATTY _enters importantly._) + +PATTY. Captain Brown. + +PHOEBE (_starting up_). I wrote to him, begging him not to come. + +MISS SUSAN (_quickly_). Patty, I am sorry we are out. + +(_But_ VALENTINE _has entered in time to hear her words._) + +VALENTINE (_not unmindful that this is the room in which he is esteemed +a wit_). I regret that they are out, Patty, but I will await their +return. (_The astonishing man sits on the ottoman beside_ MISS SUSAN, +_but politely ignores her presence._) It is not my wish to detain you, +Patty. + +(PATTY _goes reluctantly, and the sisters think how like him, and how +delightful it would be if they were still the patterns of propriety he +considers them._) + +PHOEBE (_bravely_). Captain Brown. + +VALENTINE (_rising_). You, Miss Phoebe. I hear Miss Livvy is +indisposed? + +PHOEBE. She is--very poorly. + +VALENTINE. But it is not that unpleasant girl I have come to see, it +is you. + +MISS SUSAN (_meekly_). How do you do? + +VALENTINE (_ignoring her_). And I am happy, Miss Phoebe, to find you +alone. + +MISS SUSAN (_appealingly_). How do you do, sir? + +PHOEBE. You know quite well, sir, that Susan is here. + +VALENTINE. Nay, ma'am, excuse me. I heard Miss Susan say she was gone +out. Miss Susan is incapable of prevarication. + +MISS SUSAN (_rising--helpless_). What am I to do? + +PHOEBE. Don't go, Susan--'tis what he wants. + +VALENTINE. I have her word that she is not present. + +MISS SUSAN. Oh dear. + +VALENTINE. My faith in Miss Susan is absolute. (_At this she retires +into the bedroom, and immediately his manner changes. He takes_ MISS +PHOEBE'S _hands into his own kind ones._) You coward, Miss Phoebe, to +be afraid of Valentine Brown. + +PHOEBE. I wrote and begged you not to come. + +VALENTINE. You implied as a lover, Miss Phoebe, but surely always as a +friend. + +PHOEBE. Oh yes, yes. + +VALENTINE. You told Miss Livvy that you loved me once. How carefully +you hid it from me! + +PHOEBE (_more firmly_). A woman must never tell. You went away to the +great battles. I was left to fight in a little one. Women have a flag +to fly, Mr. Brown, as well as men, and old maids have a flag as well as +women. I tried to keep mine flying. + +VALENTINE. But you ceased to care for me. (_Tenderly._) I dare ask +your love no more, but I still ask you to put yourself into my keeping. +Miss Phoebe, let me take care of you. + +PHOEBE. It cannot be. + +VALENTINE. This weary teaching! Let me close your school. + +PHOEBE. Please, sir. + +VALENTINE. If not for your own sake, I ask you, Miss Phoebe, to do it +for mine. In memory of the thoughtless recruit who went off laughing +to the wars. They say ladies cannot quite forget the man who has used +them ill; Miss Phoebe, do it for me because I used you ill. + +PHOEBE. I beg you--no more. + +VALENTINE (_manfully_). There, it is all ended. Miss Phoebe, here is +my hand on it. + +PHOEBE. What will you do now? + +VALENTINE. I also must work. I will become a physician again, with +some drab old housekeeper to neglect me and the house. Do you foresee +the cobwebs gathering and gathering, Miss Phoebe? + +PHOEBE. Oh, sir! + +VALENTINE. You shall yet see me in Quality Street, wearing my stock +all awry. + +PHOEBE. Oh, oh! + +VALENTINE. And with snuff upon my sleeve. + +PHOEBE. Sir, sir! + +VALENTINE. No skulker, ma'am, I hope, but gradually turning into a +grumpy, crusty, bottle-nosed old bachelor. + +PHOEBE. Oh, Mr. Brown! + +VALENTINE. And all because you will not walk across the street with me. + +PHOEBE. Indeed, sir, you must marry--and I hope it may be some one who +is really like a garden. + +VALENTINE. I know but one. That reminds me, Miss Phoebe, of something +I had forgot. (_He produces a paper from his pocket._) 'Tis a trifle +I have wrote about you. But I fear to trouble you. + +(PHOEBE'S _hands go out longingly for it._) + +PHOEBE (_reading_). 'Lines to a Certain Lady, who is Modestly unaware +of her Resemblance to a Garden. Wrote by her servant, V. B.' + +(_The beauty of this makes her falter. She looks up._) + +VALENTINE (_with a poet's pride_). There is more of it, ma'am. + +PHOEBE (_reading_) + + The lilies are her pretty thoughts, + Her shoulders are the may, + Her smiles are all forget-me-nots, + The path 's her gracious way, + + The roses that do line it are + Her fancies walking round, + 'Tis sweetly smelling lavender + In which my lady's gowned. + + +(MISS PHOEBE _has thought herself strong, but she is not able to read +such exquisite lines without betraying herself to a lover's gaze._) + +VALENTINE (_excitedly_). Miss Phoebe, when did you cease to care for +me? + +PHOEBE (_retreating from him but clinging to her poem_). You promised +not to ask. + +VALENTINE. I know not why you should, Miss Phoebe, but I believe you +love me still! + +(MISS PHOEBE _has the terrified appearance of a detected felon._) + +(_MISS SUSAN returns._) + +MISS SUSAN. You are talking so loudly. + +VALENTINE. Miss Susan, does she care for me still? + +MISS SUSAN (_forgetting her pride of sex_). Oh, sir, how could she +help it. + +VALENTINE. Then by Gad, Miss Phoebe, you shall marry me though I have +to carry you in my arms to the church. + +PHOEBE. Sir, how can you! + +(_But_ MISS SUSAN _gives her a look which means that it must be done if +only to avoid such a scandal. It is at this inopportune moment that_ +MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY _are announced._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. I think Miss Willoughby has already popped in. + +PHOEBE (_with a little spirit_). Yes, indeed. + +MISS SUSAN (_a mistress of sarcasm_). How is Mary, Fanny? She has not +been to see us for several minutes. + +MISS FANNY (_somewhat daunted_). Mary is so partial to you, Susan. + +VALENTINE. Your servant, Miss Henrietta, Miss Fanny. + +MISS FANNY. How do you do, sir? + +MISS HENRIETTA (_wistfully_). And how do you find Miss Livvy, sir? + +VALENTINE. I have not seen her, Miss Henrietta. + +MISS HENRIETTA. Indeed! + +MISS FANNY. Not even you? + +VALENTINE. You seem surprised? + +MISS FANNY. Nay, sir, you must not say so; but really, Phoebe! + +PHOEBE. Fanny, you presume! + +VALENTINE (_puzzled_). If one of you ladies would deign to enlighten +me. To begin with, what is Miss Livvy's malady? + +MISS HENRIETTA. He does not know? Oh, Phoebe. + +VALENTINE. Ladies, have pity on a dull man, and explain. + +MISS FANNY (_timidly_). Please not to ask us to explain. I fear we +have already said more than was proper. Phoebe, forgive. + +(_To_ CAPTAIN BROWN _this but adds to the mystery, and he looks to_ +PHOEBE _for enlightenment._) + +PHOEBE (_desperate_). I understand, sir, there is a belief that I keep +Livvy in confinement because of your passion for her. + +VALENTINE. My passion for Miss Livvy? Why, Miss Fanny, I cannot abide +her--nor she me. (_Looking manfully at_ MISS PHOEBE.) Furthermore, I +am proud to tell you that this is the lady whom I adore. + +MISS FANNY. Phoebe? + +VALENTINE. Yes, ma'am. + +(_The ladies are for a moment bereft of speech, and the uplifted_ +PHOEBE _cannot refrain from a movement which, if completed, would be a +curtsy. Her punishment follows promptly._) + +MISS HENRIETTA (_from her heart_). Phoebe, I am so happy 'tis you. + +MISS FANNY. Dear Phoebe, I give you joy. And you also, sir. (MISS +PHOEBE _sends her sister a glance of unutterable woe, and escapes from +the room. It is most ill-bred of her._) Miss Susan, I do not +understand! + +MISS HENRIETTA. Is it that Miss Livvy is an obstacle? + +MISS SUSAN (_who knows that there is no hope for her but in flight_). +I think I hear Phoebe calling me--a sudden indisposition. Pray excuse +me, Henrietta. (_She goes._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. We know not, sir, whether to offer you our +felicitations? + +VALENTINE (_cogitating_). May I ask, ma'am, what you mean by an +obstacle? Is there some mystery about Miss Livvy? + +MISS HENRIETTA. So much so, sir, that we at one time thought she and +Miss Phoebe were the same person. + +VALENTINE. Pshaw! + +MISS FANNY. Why will they admit no physician into her presence? + +MISS HENRIETTA. The blinds of her room are kept most artfully drawn. + +MISS FANNY (_plaintively_). We have never seen her, sir. Neither Miss +Susan nor Miss Phoebe will present her to us. + +VALENTINE (_impressed_). Indeed. + +(MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY, _encouraged by his sympathy, draw +nearer the door of the interesting bedchamber. They falter. Any one +who thinks, however, that they would so far forget themselves as to +open the door and peep in, has no understanding of the ladies of +Quality Street. They are, nevertheless, not perfect, for_ MISS +HENRIETTA _knocks on the door._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. How do you find yourself, dear Miss Livvy? + +(_There is no answer. It is our pride to record that they come away +without even touching the handle. They look appealing at_ CAPTAIN +BROWN, _whose face has grown grave._) + +VALENTINE. I think, ladies, as a physician-- + +(_He walks into the bedroom. They feel an ignoble drawing to follow +him, but do not yield to it. When he returns his face is inscrutable._) + +MISS HENRIETTA. Is she very poorly, sir? + +VALENTINE. Ha. + +MISS FANNY. We did not hear you address her. + +VALENTINE. She is not awake, ma'am. + +MISS HENRIETTA. It is provoking. + +MISS FANNY (_sternly just_). They informed Mary that she was nigh +asleep. + +VALENTINE. It is not a serious illness I think, ma'am. With the +permission of Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan I will make myself more +acquaint with her disorder presently. (_He is desirous to be alone._) +But we must not talk lest we disturb her. + +MISS FANNY. You suggest our retiring, sir? + +VALENTINE. Nay, Miss Fanny---- + +MISS FANNY. You are very obliging; but I think, Henrietta---- + +MISS HENRIETTA (_rising_). Yes, Fanny. + +(_No doubt they are the more ready to depart that they wish to inform_ +MISS WILLOUGHBY _at once of these strange doings. As they go_, MISS +SUSAN _and_ MISS PHOEBE _return, and the adieux are less elaborate than +usual. Neither visitors nor hostesses quite know what to say_. MISS +SUSAN _is merely relieved to see them leave, but_ MISS PHOEBE _has read +something in their manner that makes her uneasy._) + +PHOEBE. Why have they departed so hurriedly, sir? They--they did not +go in to see Livvy? + +VALENTINE. No. + +(_She reads danger in his face._) + +PHOEBE. Why do you look at me so strangely? + +VALENTINE (_somewhat stern_). Miss Phoebe, I desire to see Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE. Impossible. + +VALENTINE. Why impossible? They tell me strange stories about no +one's seeing her. Miss Phoebe, I will not leave this house until I +have seen her. + +PHOEBE. You cannot. (_But he is very determined, and she is afraid of +him._) Will you excuse me, sir, while I talk with Susan behind the +door? + +(_The sisters go guiltily into the bedroom, and_ CAPTAIN BROWN _after +some hesitation rings for_ PATTY.) + +VALENTINE. Patty, come here. Why is this trick being played upon me? + +PATTY (_with all her wits about her_). Trick, sir! Who would dare? + +VALENTINE. I know, Patty, that Miss Phoebe has been Miss Livvy all the +time. + +PATTY. I give in! + +VALENTINE. Why has she done this? + +PATTY (_beseechingly_). Are you laughing, sir? + +VALENTINE. I am very far from laughing. + +PATTY (_turning on him_). 'Twas you that began it, all by not knowing +her in the white gown. + +VALENTINE. Why has this deception been kept up so long? + +PATTY. Because you would not see through it. Oh, the wicked +denseness. She thought you were infatuate with Miss Livvy because she +was young and silly. + +VALENTINE. It is infamous. + +PATTY. I will not have you call her names. 'Twas all playful +innocence at first, and now she is so feared of you she is weeping her +soul to death, and all I do I cannot rouse her. 'I ha' a follower in +the kitchen, ma'am,' says I, to infuriate her. 'Give him a glass of +cowslip wine,' says she, like a gentle lamb. And ill she can afford +it, you having lost their money for them. + +VALENTINE. What is that? On the contrary, all the money they have, +Patty, they owe to my having invested it for them. + +PATTY. That is the money they lost. + +VALENTINE. You are sure of that? + +PATTY. I can swear to it. + +VALENTINE. Deceived me about that also. Good God; but why? + +PATTY. I think she was feared you would offer to her out of pity. She +said something to Miss Susan about keeping a flag flying. What she +meant I know not. (_But he knows, and he turns away his face._) Are +you laughing, sir? + +VALENTINE. No, Patty, I am not laughing. Why do they not say Miss +Livvy has gone home? It would save them a world of trouble. + +PATTY. The Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta--they watch the house +all day. They would say she cannot be gone, for we did not see her go. + +VALENTINE (_enlightened at last_). I see! + +PATTY. And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan wring their hands, for they are +feared Miss Livvy is bedridden here for all time. (_Now his sense of +humour asserts itself_). Thank the Lord, you 're laughing! + +(_At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay_ CAPTAIN BROWN _on whom_ +MISS SUSAN _opens the bedroom door. This desperate woman is too full +of plot to note the change in him._) + +MISS SUSAN. I am happy to inform you, sir, that Livvy finds herself +much improved. + +VALENTINE (_bolting_). It is joy to me to hear it. + +MISS SUSAN. She is coming in to see you. + +PATTY (_aghast_). Oh, ma'am! + +VALENTINE (_frowning on_ PATTY). I shall be happy to see the poor +invalid. + +PATTY. Ma'am----! + +(_But_ MISS SUSAN, _believing that so far all is well, has returned to +the bedchamber_. CAPTAIN BROWN _bestows a quizzical glance upon the +maid._) + +VALENTINE. Go away, Patty. Anon I may claim a service of you, but for +the present, go. + +PATTY. But--but---- + +VALENTINE. Retire, woman. + +(_She has to go, and he prepares his face for the reception of the +invalid_. PHOEBE _comes in without her cap, the ringlets showing +again. She wears a dressing jacket and is supported by_ MISS SUSAN.) + +VALENTINE (_gravely_). Your servant, Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE (_weakly_). How do you do? + +VALENTINE. Allow me, Miss Susan. + +(_He takes_ MISS SUSAN'S _place; but after an exquisite moment_ MISS +PHOEBE _breaks away from him, feeling that she is not worthy of such +bliss._) + +PHOEBE. No, no, I--I can walk alone--see. + +(_She reclines upon the couch._) + +MISS SUSAN. How do you think she is looking? + +(_He makes a professional examination of the patient, and they are very +ashamed to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they must confess._) + +What do you think? + +VALENTINE (_solemnly_). She will recover. May I say, ma'am, it +surprises me that any one should see much resemblance between you and +your Aunt Phoebe. Miss Phoebe is decidedly shorter and more thick-set. + +PHOEBE (_sitting up_). No, I am not. + +VALENTINE. I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. (_She reclines._) But tell me, +is not Miss Phoebe to join us? + +PHOEBE. She hopes you will excuse her, sir. + +MISS SUSAN (_vaguely_). Taking the opportunity of airing the room. + +VALENTINE. Ah, of course. + +MISS SUSAN (_opening bedroom door and catting mendaciously_). Captain +Brown will excuse you, Phoebe. + +VALENTINE. Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, ma'am, I think I could cure +Miss Livvy if she is put unreservedly into my hands. + +MISS SUSAN (_with a sigh_). I am sure you could. + +VALENTINE. Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy. + +PHOEBE (_nervously_). 'Twas but a passing indisposition, I am almost +quite recovered. + +VALENTINE. Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a +long stay in Quality Street, ma'am? + +PHOEBE. I--I--I hope not. It--it depends. + +MISS SUSAN (_forgetting herself_). Mary is the worst. + +VALENTINE. I ask your pardon? + +PHOEBE. Aunt Susan, you are excited. + +VALENTINE. But you are quite right, Miss Livvy; home is the place for +you. + +PHOEBE. Would that I could go! + +VALENTINE. You are going. + +PHOEBE. Yes--soon. + +VALENTINE. Indeed, I have a delightful surprise for you, Miss Livvy, +you are going to-day. + +PHOEBE. To-day? + +VALENTINE. Not merely to-day, but now. As it happens, my carriage is +standing idle at your door, and I am to take you in it to your +home--some twenty miles if I remember. + +PHOEBE. You are to take me? + +VALENTINE. Nay, 'tis no trouble at all, and as your physician my mind +is made up. Some wraps for her, Miss Susan. + +MISS SUSAN. But--but---- + +PHOEBE (_in a panic_). Sir, I decline to go. + +VALENTINE. Come, Miss Livvy, you are in my hands. + +PHOEBE. I decline. I am most determined. + +VALENTINE. You admit yourself that you are recovered. + +PHOEBE. I do not feel so well now. Aunt Susan! + +MISS SUSAN. Sir---- + +VALENTINE. If you wish to consult Miss Phoebe---- + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, no. + +VALENTINE. Then the wraps, Miss Susan. + +PHOEBE. Auntie, don't leave me. + +VALENTINE. What a refractory patient it is. But reason with her, Miss +Susan, and I shall ask Miss Phoebe for some wraps. + +PHOEBE. Sir! + +(_To their consternation he goes cheerily into the bedroom_. MISS +PHOEBE _saves herself by instant flight, and nothing but mesmeric +influence keeps_ MISS SUSAN _rooted to the blue and white room. When +he returns he is loaded with wraps, and still cheerfully animated, as +if he had found nothing untoward in_ LIVVY'S _bedchamber._) + +VALENTINE. I think these will do admirably, Miss Susan. + +MISS SUSAN. But Phoebe---- + +VALENTINE. If I swathe Miss Livvy in these---- + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe---- + +VALENTINE. She is still busy airing the room. (_The extraordinary man +goes to the couch as if unable to perceive that its late occupant has +gone, and_ MISS SUSAN _watches him, fascinated._) Come, Miss Livvy, +put these over you. Allow me--this one over your shoulders, so. Be so +obliging as to lean on me. Be brave, ma'am, you cannot fall--my arm is +round you; gently, gently, Miss Livvy; ah, that is better; we are doing +famously; come, come. Good-bye, Miss Susan, I will take every care of +her. + +(_He has gone, with the bundle on his arm, but_ MISS SUSAN _does not +wake up. Even the banging of the outer door is unable to rouse her. +It is heard, however, by_ MISS PHOEBE, _who steals back into the room, +her cap upon her head to give her courage._) + +PHOEBE. He is gone! (MISS SUSAN'S _rapt face alarms her._) Oh, +Susan, was he as dreadful as that? + +MISS SUSAN (_in tones unnatural to her_). Phoebe, he knows all. + +PHOEBE. Yes, of course he knows all now. Sister, did his face change? +Oh, Susan, what did he say? + +MISS SUSAN. He said 'Good-bye, Miss Susan.' That was almost all he +said. + +PHOEBE. Did his eyes flash fire? + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, it was what he did. He--he took Livvy with him. + +PHOEBE. Susan, dear, don't say that. You are not distraught, are you? + +MISS SUSAN (_clinging to facts_). He did; he wrapped her up in a shawl. + +PHOEBE. Susan! You are Susan Throssel, my love. You remember me, +don't you? Phoebe, your sister. I was Livvy also, you know, Livvy. + +MISS SUSAN. He took Livvy with him. + +PHOEBE (_in woe_). Oh, oh! sister, who am I? + +MISS SUSAN. You are Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. And who was Livvy? + +MISS SUSAN. You were. + +PHOEBE. Thank heaven. + +MISS SUSAN. But he took her away in the carriage. + +PHOEBE. Oh, dear! (_She has quite forgotten her own troubles now._) +Susan, you will soon be well again. Dear, let us occupy our minds. +Shall we draw up the advertisement for the reopening of the school? + +MISS SUSAN. I do so hate the school. + +PHOEBE. Come, dear, come, sit down. Write, Susan. (_Dictating._) +'The Misses Throssel have the pleasure to announce----' + +MISS SUSAN. Pleasure! Oh, Phoebe. + +PHOEBE. 'That they will resume school on the 5th of next month. +Music, embroidery, the backboard, and all the elegancies of the mind. +Latin--shall we say algebra?' + +MISS SUSAN. I refuse to write algebra. + +PHOEBE. --for beginners. + +MISS SUSAN. I refuse. There is only one thing I can write; it writes +itself in my head all day. 'Miss Susan Throssel presents her +compliments to the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta Turnbull, and +requests the honour of their presence at the nuptials of her sister +Phoebe and Captain Valentine Brown.' + +PHOEBE. Susan! + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe! (_A door is heard banging._) He has returned! + +PHOEBE. Oh cruel, cruel. Susan, I am so alarmed. + +MISS SUSAN. I will face him. + +PHOEBE. Nay, if it must be, I will. + +(_But when he enters he is not very terrible._) + +VALENTINE. Miss Phoebe, it is not raining, but your face is wet. I +wish always to kiss you when your face is wet. + +PHOEBE. Susan! + +VALENTINE. Miss Livvy will never trouble you any more, Miss Susan. I +have sent her home. + +MISS SUSAN. Oh, sir, how can you invent such a story for us. + +VALENTINE. I did not. I invented it for the Misses Willoughby and +Miss Henrietta, who from their windows watched me put her into my +carriage. Patty accompanies her, and in a few hours Patty will return +alone. + +MISS SUSAN. Phoebe, he has got rid of Livvy! + +PHOEBE. Susan, his face hasn't changed! + +VALENTINE. Dear Phoebe Throssel, will you be Phoebe Brown? + +PHOEBE (_quivering_). You know everything? And that I am not a garden? + +VALENTINE. I know everything, ma'am--except that. + +PHOEBE (_so very glad to be prim at the end_). Sir, the dictates of my +heart enjoin me to accept your too flattering offer. (_He puts her cap +in his pocket. He kisses her_. MISS SUSAN _is about to steal away._) +Oh, sir, Susan also. (_He kisses_ MISS SUSAN _also; and here we bid +them good-bye._) + + + + +The End. + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Quality Street, by J. M. 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