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diff --git a/31036.txt b/31036.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..df2c05e --- /dev/null +++ b/31036.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2468 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Lovers Assistant, or, New Art of Love, by +Henry Fielding, Edited by Claude E. Jones + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Lovers Assistant, or, New Art of Love + + +Author: Henry Fielding + +Editor: Claude E. Jones + +Release Date: January 21, 2010 [eBook #31036] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOVERS ASSISTANT, OR, NEW ART +OF LOVE*** + + +E-text prepared by Sankar Viswanathan, Delphine Lettau, Joseph Cooper, and +the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team +(http://www.pgdp.net) + + + + The Augustan Reprint Society + + + _HENRY FIELDING_ + + THE LOVERS ASSISTANT, OR, NEW ART OF LOVE + + (1760) + + + Edited, with an + Introduction by + Claude E. Jones + + + Publication Number 89 + + + + William Andrews Clark Memorial Library + + University of California + + Los Angeles + + 1961 + + * * * * * + + +GENERAL EDITORS + + +Richard C. Boys, _University of Michigan_ +Ralph Cohen, _University of California, Los Angeles_ +Vinton A. Dearing, _University of California, Los Angeles_ +Lawrence Clark Powell, _Clark Memorial Library_ + + +ASSISTANT EDITOR + +W. Earl Britton, _University of Michigan_ + + +ADVISORY EDITORS + +Emmett L. Avery, _State College of Washington_ +Benjamin Boyce, _Duke University_ +Louis Bredvold, _University of Michigan_ +John Butt, _University of Edinburgh_ +James L. Clifford, _Columbia University_ +Arthur Friedman, _University of Chicago_ +Louis A. Landa, _Princeton University_ +Samuel H. Monk, _University of Minnesota_ +Ernest C. Mossner, _University of Texas_ +James Sutherland, _University College, London_ +H.T. Swedenberg, Jr., _University of California, Los Angeles_ + +CORRESPONDING SECRETARY + +Edna C. Davis, _Clark Memorial Library_ + + * * * * * + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + +The publishing history of this translation has been sketched by Cross, +in his _History of Henry Fielding_, and may simply be summarized here. +The first edition, entitled _Ovid's Art of Love Paraphrased and +Adapted to the Present Time_ (or _Times_) was first issued in +February, 1747, and was advertised in the _Gentleman's_ and _Scots_ +Magazines in that month. During March, further advertisements appeared +in the _London Magazine_ and the _St. James Evening Post_. The most +extensive notice ran, however, in Fielding's own _Jacobite Journal_ +(No. 15), where it served as basis for a detailed comparison between +the art of love and the art of Jacobitism. Of this 1747 anonymous, +original edition no copy is known. + +In 1759, the work was reissued in London and Dublin, under the title +_The Lover's Assistant_, and again in London in 1760. Meanwhile, +advertisements for the original edition, as by Henry Fielding, had +been run by the publisher, Andrew Millar, in 1754 and 1758. Inasmuch +as Millar apparently still had unsold sheets in 1758, the 1759 edition +may comprise these sheets with new title pages and prefatory matter +necessary because of Fielding's death in 1754. At any rate, the +"modern instances" referred to by the author of the 1759 Preface are +not too modern to have been written in 1747. There has been no reprint +since 1760. + +The present text is printed from the 1760 edition, collated with a +copy of the 1759 issue. The Latin text, which in the original faces +the English, is omitted. Notes keyed by letters and asterisks appear +in the original; it will be noted that Fielding's notes combine +scholarly and facetious remarks; he frequently used footnotes for +comic effect, especially in the translation of the _Plutus_ of +Aristophanes in which he collaborated. + +Literature affords few pleasures so satisfying as translations done by +those who are not only expert in the languages concerned, but who also +are of the same spirit as the authors they translate. Some examples +come readily to mind: Pope's Horace, Dryden's Juvenal and Persius, +Smollett's LeSage, Lang's _Aucassin and Nicolette_, and Pound's +translations from Provencal. Such a felicitous combination appears in +Henry Fielding's translation of Book I of Ovid's _Ars Amoris_. + +Throughout the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, English +translators of the classics abounded, including Marlowe, Jonson, +Chapman and Sandys; Roscommon, Waller, Denham, Cowley and Dryden. By +1700, the major kinds of translation had been differentiated, +described, evaluated and practised. + +To summarize, Dryden wrote as follows in his Preface to the 1680 +edition of _Ovid's Epistles_, Translated by Several Hands: + + All translation I suppose may be reduced to these three + heads: + + First, that of Metaphrase, or turning an Author word by + word, and line by line, from one language to another.... The + second way is that of Paraphrase, or Translation with + Latitude, where the Author is kept in view by the + Translator, so as never to be lost, but his words are not so + strictly follow'd as his sense, and that too is admitted to + be amplyfied, but not alter'd.... The Third way is that of + Imitation, where the Translator (if now [i.e. by taking such + liberties] he has not lost that name) assumes the liberty + not only to vary from the words and sence, but to forsake + them both as he sees occasion: and taking only some general + hints from the Original, to run division on the ground-work, + as he pleases.... + +Doubtless, he refers to the translation of verse into verse, but +actually verse-into-prose also falls within Dryden's "third way." When +the author of the Preface to _The Lover's Assistant_ speaks of it as +an "undertaking" in translation, he means prose imitation, or +paraphrase of verse. + +Earlier, in the 1743 _Miscellanies_, Fielding had published "Part of +Juvenal's Sixth Satire Modernized in Burlesque [i.e. Hudibrastic] +Verse." The modernization, as in his _Art of Love_, was of place +(England instead of Italy) as well as time, and allowed the author to +satirize some of his contemporaries, as well as the customs of his own +age. + +When, four years later, he turned to the first book of Ovid's _Artis +Amatoriae_, he found prose an even better medium for "Imitation," or +"Modernization." The result is a most enjoyable _pot pourri_ of Roman +mythology and eighteenth century social customs, combined with some of +the patriotism left over from Fielding's anti-Jacobinism during the +Forty-Five. His devotion to, and constant use of, the classics has +excited comment from every Fielding biographer since his own time. His +works abound in classical instances, references and imitations; and +most of his writing includes translations from Greek or Roman authors. +His library, as Austin Dobson observed, was rich in editions of the +classics. + +Curiously, the sale catalogue lists only one, unidentifiable, Ovid +item, as contrasted with 5 editions of Horace, 9 of Lucian and 13 +(between 1504 and 1629) of Aristotle. This probably means that, along +with other unlisted works known to have been in his possession, his +Ovid was retained by his family or given to a friend. Dryden's +translation of Book One of the _Ars Amoris_ is included among +Fielding's books, however, and Cross suggests that Fielding "kept one +eye" on it. It is surprising how much visualization there is in his +imitation. Many of the incidents resemble those treated by Hogarth, +with whom by 1747 Fielding was on excellent terms. There is also some +resemblance in his contemporaneous materials, or modernization, to +scenes in Fielding's own later plays, and in his novels. + + + + +PREFACE + + +_This Work was begun many Years ago, though altered in some Places by +the Author, before his Death; as will appear by the modern Instances +introduced in it. Many of which being so applicable to the present +Time, is the Occasion of it being now published._ + +_As to any Exception which may be made to the Impurity of this Work, +we shall transcribe what was written long ago in its Defence, from the +Preface prefixed to Mr. _Dryden_'s Translation of this Poem._ + +'A great many People are mistaken in these Books; and tho' they were +made use of as a Pretence to drive the Author from the Court of +_Augustus_, and confine him to _Tomos_ on the Frontiers of the _Getae_ +and _Sarmatae_, yet they were not the true Cause of his Confinement. +They are very far from being so licentious as the Writings of several +other Poets, both _Greek_ and _Latin_. However we must own he might +have been a little more discreet, especially in some Places[A]. + +[Note A: He means in the other two Books.] + +'That which offended the _Romans_ most in this Work, cannot touch us. +It has always been more dangerous in _Italy_ to converse with Women of +Honour, and frequent their Houses, than 'tis with us; where there is +more Liberty, and what in that Country may be an Occasion of +Debauchery, would not at all be so in ours. + +'Notwithstanding all that has been said against these Books _of the +Art of Love_, by some over-scrupulous Persons, whose Discretion has +too much of Affectation in it: they are not only necessary for the +Knowledge of the _Latin_ Tongue, and the _Roman_ History, concerning +which they contain several Things very particular; but for the noble +Sentiments we find in them, which the _Gravest_ and _Learnedest_ +Writers have thought worthy to be quoted for _Authorities_. + +'In a Word, there's nothing in them that comes near the _Licence_ of +some _Epigrams_ of _Catullus_, _Martial_, and _Ausonius_, of some +_Satires_ of _Horace_ and _Juvenal_, and several other Pieces of +_Ancient_ and _Modern_ Authors, which are read and commented upon; and +about which even celebrated _Jesuits_ and other religious Persons, as +eminent for their Piety as their Erudition, have employed their +Studies. Yet who has condemn'd or complain'd of them? We must confess, +such Things should be managed with Address; and those of them who have +meddled with any of the Authors I have named, have shewn that it may +be done so, by their succeeding so happily in it. + +'As for this Treatise of the _Art of Love_, for which the Author has +also prescrib'd a _Remedy_, as it is liable to be ill interpreted by +those whose Pens poison every Thing they touch; so it may bear a good +Construction, by such as know how to turn every Thing to Advantage. + +'I will yet say, this _Art_ may be apply'd to those that intend to +marry. There is nothing sure against Decency in all that. I agree, if +you will have it so, that it extends so far as to direct one to the +Means to gain a Mistress. If this was not lawful heretofore in +_Italy_, on account of the jealous Humour of the _Italians_, we +cannot, for the same Reason only, say it ought to be forbidden in our +Country, any more than in several others, provided we could be sure +the Ladies Modesty would not be offended, before whom Youth should be +always careful not to exceed the Bounds of the Respect that's due to +them.' + +_To this I may add, that if the Objection of Impurity lies against any +Part of this Work, it is only against the two latter Books, for in +that which we have here paraphrased, there is nothing capable of +offending the nicest Ear._ + +_With regard to the Merit of this Paraphrase, which is entirely a new +Undertaking, and might perhaps, if properly encouraged, be carried on +with other Latin Poets, we shall only observe, that the utmost Care +hath been taken to preserve the Spirit and true Sense of the Author, +and where we have been obliged to deviate, we have given the literal +Translation in the Notes._ + +_Upon the whole, we cannot suppress, what one of the most learned Men +of this Age, said upon persuing the Paraphrase_, viz. That he thought +it would serve better to explain the Meaning of _Ovid_ to a Learner, +than any other Translation, or all his numerous Commentators. + + + + +BOOK I + + +If in so learned an Age as this, when Arts and Sciences are risen to +such Perfection, there be any Gentleman unskilled in the Art of +Loving, let him come to my School; where, if he hath any Genius, he +will soon become an Adept: For I would by no means have any young +Gentlemen think, that Erudition is unnecessary upon this Occasion. It +is well known that the [1]Rules of Art are necessary to the Conduct of +a Ship; for which reason, none but able and experienced Seamen are +preferred to the Command of one. Rules are necessary even to make a +good Coachman, as those Gentlemen who have the Ambition to excel this +way very well know. In the same manner is Art required to drive the +Chariot of Love well. Now it hath pleased _Venus_ to place me in the +Coach-Box: what a Captain is to a Ship, or the Driver to his Chariot, +that am I to Love. I own indeed Master _Cupid_ is a little wild, and +often stubborn; but he is only a Child, and of an Age to be +disciplined: And however fierce the Disposition of a Lad may be, a +judicious Schoolmaster knows very well how to correct it: For many a +Boy who hath afterwards turned out a Hero, hath when at School very +patiently submitted to the Lash, and quietly, at the Word of Command, +held out his Hands to be whipt [2]. Duke _William_ [3] himself, when a +Lad, very possibly submitted to Correction; and he [4] who was +hereafter to become the Terror of his Enemies, might in his Youth have +been afraid of his Tutor. Mr. _Pointz_ was his Preceptor: I am the +Preceptor of Love. Both these Youths were of a fierce Disposition, +both elevated [5] in their Birth. But as the stoutest Ox submits +himself to the Yoke, and the most fiery Horse to the Bridle, so shall +Love to me. Though he may bend his Bow against my Breast, and shake +his Torches at me; no matter: nay, the more he pierces me with his +Arrows, the more he burns me, the more severely will I be revenged of +him. + +But here, Master _Apollo_, I will tell no lies to my Readers. I do not +pretend to have received any Inspiration from you, any more than from +Parson _Whitefield_ [6]: And as for Miss _Clio_ [7] and her eight +Sisters, I never visit them; nor have I even a Cap-Acquaintance with +them. I write from Experience only; and _Experto crede Roberto_ is my +Motto. I promise my Readers that I will tell them truth; and if I +must, for form sake, invoke any Muse, _Venus_ herself shall be the +Person [8]. Sweet Goddess! then be thou present, and smile at my +Undertaking. But as for you who cannot smile, I mean you, Prudes, with +your screw'd Faces, which may be considered as Signs hung forth before +the Door of Virtue, and which perhaps, like other Signs, promise what +is not to be found in the House; I desire neither your Favour nor your +Company. Good-natur'd Girls[9] are all I write to; and such I promise +them may read my Works without a Blush. + +Know then, my good Scholar, that art unexperienced in the Art of Love, +that this Art consists of three principal Points: First, to select a +proper Mistress: Secondly, to win her Affections: And, Thirdly, to +preserve your mutual Affection. Of all these therefore we will treat; +or, to speak metaphorically, through these three Roads we will drive +the Chariot we have undertaken to guide. + +First then as to the Choice of a Mistress, to whom you may say, _In +Thee alone my choice is fixed_. Do not believe such a one will fall +into your Lap. It will become you to look about sharp for her, and +with all your Eyes, I do assure you. And here my first Instruction +shall be, where she may most probably be found: For he is a bad +Huntsman who would beat about the _Royal Exchange_ for a Hare or a +Fox; and not a much better Gunner or Fisherman, who goes a shooting in +_Somerset-Gardens_, or attempts to angle in the magnificent Bason +there. As these all know the Places where their Game resort, so must +you. + +Here then, I by no means advise you to make a long Voyage after a +foreign Mistress, as _Perseus_ did, who fetched _Andromeda_[10] from +the _Indies_; or _Paris_, whom nothing would serve but a _Grecian_ +Mistress. Your own Country, my Friend, will produce Women which the +World cannot equal. Beauties are as plenty in the City of _London_ as +Apples in[11] _Herefordshire_, or Grains of Wheat[12] in _Hampshire_; +they are indeed as plenty as Fish in the Sea, or Birds in the Air; +nay, the Sky hath not more Stars than _London_ hath Beauties: for +_England_[13], not _Cyprus_, is the Queen of Love's favourite Island. +Whether you love green Fruit, and which is in the Bud only, or Beauty +in its fuller Bloom, or that which is arrived to perfect Ripeness; +nay, if nothing but Wisdom or Sagacity will serve your turn, of these +too Old _England_ will afford you a sufficient Plenty. + +In the pleasant Month of _May_, repair to _Vaux-Hall_[14]. Here take +your Evening Walk, either round the verdant Scenes, where +Nightingales, the only Foreigners who give us their Songs for nothing, +warble their most delicious Notes. When your Limbs demand Repose, you +may enjoy it in an Alcove, from whence the embattel'd Troops of +_Venus_ will pass in review before you. Again, the lofty Dome of +_Ranelagh_ invites your Steps. Whether the illustrious Artist took his +Model from that House, which as a Reward for their Industry, or for +some little regard for their Honey, the benevolent Nature of Man hath +conferred on that laborious Animal the Bee: Or whether a more pious +Disposition chose this Form from the musical Instrument which summons +the whole Parish to Church: Or whether the wondrous Force of Genius, +unassisted by any Model, did not of itself strike out this wondrous +Architecture; let _Kent_ or _Benson_ inquire. Hither, from every +Corner of the Town, repair the loveliest Nymphs. Here too thou may'st +survey them, either walking or reposed on Benches at thy Ease. Nor is +the _Mall_ to be neglected, where once die brawny Arm of _Charles_ +displayed its Strength, and beat his subtle Courtiers at the Play, +whence it derives its Name. Nor, _Kensington_, must thy Gardens be +passed by, once the Delight of mighty _Caroline_, and to the future +Age a Monument of her Taste. Here the Charmers draw in sweet Air, and +send it forth again in sweeter Sighs, as Tributes to the loved Memory +of that mighty Queen. As for the Ring, formerly the Scene of Beauty's +many Triumphs, it is now become a lonely deserted Place: Brilliants +and brilliant Eyes no longer sparkle there: No more the heedless Beau +falls by the random Glance, or well-pointed Fan. The Ring is now no +more: Yet _Ruckholt_, _Marybone_ and _The Wells_ survive; Places by no +means to be neglected by the Gallant: for Beauty may lurk beneath the +Straw Hat, and _Venus_ often clothes her lovely Limbs in Stuffs. Nay, +the very Courts of Law are not excluded; and the Scenes of Wrangling +are sometimes the Scenes of Love. In that Hall where _Thames_ +sometimes overflowing, washes the Temple of _Venus Lucy_, the grave +Serjeant becomes a Victim to the Fair; and he who so well knows how to +defend others, cannot defend himself. Here the Special Pleader loses +all Power to Demurr, and finds beyond his Expectation a novel +Assignment spring up in the Cause. Him _Venus Lucy_[15] laughs at from +her neighbouring Temple; for the Council is now become the Client, and +squeezes an empty Hand harder than he ever did a full one. But above +all, the Theatres are the Place of Sport: for these will be most +fruitful to your Wishes. Here you will find one Object to love, and +another to toy with. Some, of whom a single Touch will suffice, and +others, in whom you will desire a stronger Tenure. Neither do the Ants +in pursuit of Grain, or the Bees in quest of Flowers, swarm in greater +Numbers than the Beauties to the Theatres. The variety of Charmers +here have often distracted my Choice. Hither they come to see, and to +be themselves seen; and many are the Love-Bargains here made. + +And now, Friend, I will tell you a Story. _Romulus_ was the first +Person who ever made this use of the Theatre, when he ordered his +Soldiers to fall foul on the _Sabine_ Ladies, whom he invited to a +Play acted by his Command. Not that I would have you think, that +Theatre was like the Playhouse in _Convent-Garden_, enriched with +Scenes, Machines, and other Decorations. To say the truth, it was no +better than a Barn, or Booth. Here he assembled the _Sabine_ Girls, +and ordered his _Romans_ to chuse every Man his Miss. They did so, and +while the poor Girls thought no Harm, those Fellows felt strange +Emotions within. Now while a certain Dancer, called, _The Ludio_, was +performing _a Tambourine_, which I suppose took greatly at that time, +_Romulus_ on a sudden gave the Signal for falling on. This was +instantly obeyed. They all rushed in, laid their Hands upon the Girls, +and soon gave them sufficient Tokens of their Purpose. + +As the Doves, who are the most timorous of Birds, fly from Eagles; or +as the young Lamb runs from Wolves, as soon as she sees them, so +terrified were these Ladies, at the Men rushing upon them, in this +unlawful manner. The Colour forsook their Cheeks at once. All were +equally in a Fright, though they discovered their Fear by different +Symptoms. Some of them tear their Hair, others sit in Amazement, +Terror strikes some dumb, others call in vain for the Assistance of +their Mammas. One cries out, another is shocked to death; one stands +still, another endeavours to get out of the House. But all their +Endeavours are vain; and perhaps indeed their Blushes heightened their +Beauty; they were all led off, and those who would not go were +carried. Methinks, I hear one of their Gallants thus addressing his +weeping Fair. _Why, my Dear, will you spoil those lovely Eyes with +Tears? I promise you, you shall be served no worse than your Mother +hath been before. I will only do to you, what your Father did to her._ +Ah _Romulus! Romulus!_ no General ever better knew how to reward his +Soldiers; I promise you, that when I hear your Drum beating up for +Voluntiers, I will enlist under your Command. + +Ever since that time, the Theatre hath been consecrated to Love, and +many a pretty Girl, since the _Sabines_, hath owed the Loss of her +Maidenhead to it. + +Other Places of publick Meeting may likewise be frequented, as Horse +Races[16] and the Like. And especially public Shews, which never fail +of Women. Here get upon a crouded Scaffold, and sit next to the Girl +you like. Squeeze yourself as close to her as you can; for Custom here +countenances such squeezing whether the pretty Creatures will or no. +Here find some Opportunity to begin a Discourse; you will not be +driven to talk upon your Fingers, or by Signs, but may use your +Tongue[B]. Begin then with News, or the Chitchat of the Town. Nay, the +Shew itself will afford a Subject: for instance supposing it was my +Lord Mayor's Shew, you may ask her what Alderman that Coach, or those +Liveries belong to; and be sure to admire the same with herself: Do +not omit moreover, to give her an early Intimation of your Gallantry, +and that you are a Woman's Man. If it should happen that any one of +the Aldermen should be a greater Cuckold than the rest of his +Brethren; take care to titter at his Appearance; and while the +Pageants[17] are passing by, endeavour to find out a Resemblance of +Horns in some of them. All those Things have a remote Tendency to this +great point. + +[Note B: These Verses are transposed from the Place in which they +stand in the Original, and this, I think, with Advantage to the +Connection.] + +If a Grain of Snuff should happen to fall on the Lady's Bosom, wipe it +off with your Fingers; and if none fall, wipe off that none. Take +every Opportunity to be as officious in her Service as possible. If +she drop her Fan or Gloves, presently take them up; for this you will +have sure Reward in the very Fact, for you may at the same time lift +up her petticoat and see her Legs. + +Be careful that the Person who sits behind her doth not press her +tender Back with his Knee. Small Matters captivate light Minds. Many a +Man hath drawn considerable Advantage from handing[18] a Lady to +Coach, by gallanting her Fan, or even by taking up her Clog[19]. + +Nor will[20] _Tower-hill_, when the Tragic Scaffold is strewed with +Saw-Dust, be an improper Place to begin your Intrigue: for _Cupid_ +himself always attends, and acts the Part of an Executioner on such +Occasions; many a poor Man having lost his Heart, while he hath +attended to another's losing his Head. While the Fair-One carelessly +laying her Hand on his, argues concerning the Criminal's Guilt, and +offers to lay a Wager that he will die well; the wounded Lover feels a +sudden Stroke, and is not better able to bear the Smart without a +Sigh. + +[21]If it was the Custom of _England_ to imitate the _Romans_ in +insulting over the Conquered, what Spectacles might have formerly been +exhibited! How many _French_ Youths and Virgins might have followed +the Chariot-Wheels of our Monarchs! In that Cafe many a poor +_English_ Heart must have submitted to a _French_ Conquest, and Beauty +would have been triumphant in Chains. Nay, I prophesy we shall again +see those victorious Times. Our Mighty GEORGE now meditates new +Triumphs, and _France_[22] shall be punished as she ought. Rejoice, O +ye Shades[23], whose Bodies lie buried in the Plains of _Fontenoy_, +where _British_ Colours were polluted by _Gallic_ Hands. WILLIAM your +Avenger comes. The General in him shone forth in his first Campaign, +and while a Youth, he managed War beyond his Years. Let not his Age +therefore deter us from ranking him among our greatest Commanders. His +Warlike Genius springs forth and outruns his Years, impatient of the +sluggish Pace of Time. The _Swedish Charles_[24] was scarce beyond a +Child when he crushed two mighty enemies at once; _Charles_[25] the +_German_ Prince, yet but a Youth, what was he when he past the _Rhine_ +and terrified the Host of _France_? Thy Father's Genius, WILLIAM, and +his Courage, shall inspire thy youthful Arms. With that Genius and +that Courage shalt thou conquer. Such Beginnings dost thou owe to the +mighty Name of thy illustrious Sire; that thou who art the Noblest of +all young Commanders mayst hereafter become the first among the old. +'Tis time to avenge the Injuries attempted to thy House, and to +maintain thy glorious Father's Rights. Thy Country's Father and thy +own, girts on thy Sword, and thy Cause is no less glorious than thy +Arms. In both is _France_ inferiour, and to both shall yield. I +prophesy, that thou shalt conquer, and to thy Conquest I dedicate my +votive Prayers, prepared hereafter to resound thy Praise; when we +shall see thee, most lovely Prince, returning, thy Glories far +outshining the Gold in which thou art attired. Thee shall Crouds of +Youths and beauteous Virgins hail from their crouded Windows as thou +passest, and universal Joy shall overspread each _British_ Face on +that Blest Day. + +If then, my Scholar, thou shouldst happen to be placed in a Window +near some lovely Girl, who, fired with the Glories of the young +Conqueror, should enquire into all his matchless Labours[26], his +Wound at _Dettingen_; his Danger and Intrepidity at _Fontenoy_; his +Toils at home, in defiance of Cold and Fatigue; his Pursuit to +_Carlisle_; his Victory at _Culloden_; and many more which will then +be as well known; repeat all if thou canst, and if thy Memory fails, +go on nevertheless: for Invention cannot here outdo the Reality, and +thy Fictions shall recommend thee equal with Truth to her Ears. + +Again, when thou dost sit down at table among the Women, thou may'st +reap other Pleasures besides those of Wine: For, to speak +figuratively, _Cupid_ with glowing Cheeks often presses the Horns of +_Bacchus_ in his tender Arms; and the Wings of the little God of Love +being wetted with Wine, he is unable to fly off: And if he happens to +shake his wet Wings, he may possibly sprinkle the Bosom of your +Mistress with Love. + +In more intelligible Language, Wine fills our Minds with Courage, and +makes them susceptible of other warm Passions. Care flies away, and is +dissolved in much Liquor. Then comes Laughter, the poor Man becomes +bold, and Grief and Solicitude, and knitted Brows vanish. Then it is +that Simplicity, a rare Virtue in our Age, opens our Hearts, Wine +having divested us of Cunning. At this Season, many a watchful young +Fellow hath gained the Heart of his Mistress[27]. And Love hath sprung +from Wine, as the Flame doth from Fire. + +However, do not confide too much at this time to the Light of a +Candle: for Night and Wine obstruct us in forming a true Judgment of +Beauty. _Paris_ beheld the Goddesses in open Daylight, when he gave +the Preference to _Venus_. Indeed by Candle-light, and in a Side-Box, +almost every one is a Beauty: Jewels, Clothes, and Women, are all best +discerned by the Light of the Sun. + +And here if I should recount all the rural Haunts in which a Lover may +find his Game, I might write more Volumes than _Oldmixon_, +_Tunbridge_, and _Scarborough_, and _Cheltenham_, and _Holt_, and many +other Places shall be therefore omitted; but, Bath[28], thy sulphurous +Waters must not be past by. Hence Master _Dapperwit_ bringing home the +Wounds made by fair Eyes in his Bosom, cries out, on his Return, _The +Waters are not so wholesome as they are reported; I have received more +Harm than Good at the Place_. + +Here rises the Temple[29] of the God (CNASH) whose Walls are hung +round with the Portraits of Beauties. The Apotheosis of this God hath +cost many a poor Man his Heart. + +Thus far, my Scholar, I have endeavoured to instruct thee in what +Places thou art to hunt for thy Game, and where to spread thy Net. I +will now proceed to shew thee by what Means Puss is to be taken, when +you have found her Sitting. + +_Mind all_, as my old Schoolmaster used to say; for I assure you my +instructions will be worthy the Attention of both the Great Vulgar and +the Small. + +My first Lesson then is: Be confident. Believe every Woman is to be +come at. Do but spread your Net, and I warrant she runs into it. + +Sooner shall the Birds be silent in the Spring, or the Frogs in the +Winter: Sooner shall the Greyhound run away from the Hare, than a +Woman shall resist the Youth who gently assails her. Though she skrews +up her Face ever so demurely, she will at length yield to his +Persuasions. + +A dark Corner is as agreeable to a Girl, as to one of us, though we +cannot so well dissemble our Desires as she can; but if we should once +enter into a Confederacy against the Sex to leave off courting them, +they would soon begin to act the Part of Lovers, and come a wooing to +us. + +And what is this but a natural Affection, common to the Females of +every other Species, who often make love to the Males? And give me +leave to tell the Ladies, that we are more able to command our +Affections, nor are our Desires so furious, and exceeding all Bounds, +as theirs. + +The Story of _Byblis_[30] is too well known to be related, who being +in love with her Brother, punished her Crime with her own Hands, and +hanged herself in her Garters. + +Miss _Myrrha_[31] loved her Papa with an Affection improper for a +Daughter; for which she was turned into a Tree. I do assure you the +Story is true; and the Tree now drops continual Tears for her Offence, +which we use as a Perfume; and they retain the Lady's Name. + +In the shady Valleys of _Ida_[32], there was a white Bull, which was +the Glory of the Farmer to whom he belonged. This Bull had a beautiful +black Speck between his Horns, all the rest of his Body being as white +as Milk. With him the _Gnossian_ and _Cydonian_ Heifers were all in +love, and eagerly longed to be embraced by him in the tenderest manner +in which Bulls embrace the Fair Sex of Cows. _Pasiphae_, I am very +sorry to say it, conceived a Passion worse, if possible, than that of +Mrs. _Mary Hamilton_, for this Bull. Lady ---- is not more envied in +the Drawing-Room than was every handsome Heifer by this unfortunate +Woman. The Story is so well known that there is not a Freethinker[33] +in the Age who can refuse his Credit to it, though they believe +nothing which they cannot see and account for. This poor Girl is +reported to have mowed the sweetest Grass with her own Hands for her +beloved Bull. She likewise wandered about among the Cows, without the +least Regard to Mr. Alderman. _Minos_ her Husband; for a Bull had +totally supplanted him in her Esteem. Alas! _Pasiphae_, to what +purpose are the brocaded Petticoats? Your Gallant is not sensible of +your Finery. Why do you consult your Looking-Glass, in order to pursue +the Mountain-Herds? Or why with so much Art do you set your _Tete_? If +you will consult your Glass, let it inform you you are no Heifer. Ah! +how desirous are you to have those Horns on your own Forehead, which +you intend to graft on your Husband's! It would be better to preserve +your Virtue, and be constant to the Alderman, if you can like him: But +if you must make a Cuckold of him, do it at least with a young Fellow. +No; nothing but a Bull will suffice. She leaves the Alderman's House, +and flies away to the Groves and Mountains. To say the truth, I +believe she used to drink away her Senses; and that is the best Excuse +for her. Ah! how often hath she cast a jealous Eye on some Heifer! and +cried out, _Why should that vixen please my Love? Behold, says she, +how the Slut dances a Minuet on the Grass before him: Let me die, but +she is silly enough to think her Airs become her in my Love's Eyes._ +At length she resolved to punish her Rivals. One Heifer she ordered +barbarously to be yoked to the Plough; another she condemned to be +sacrificed, and held the Entrails of the poor Victim in her Hand with +all the insulting Triumph of a Rival: _Now_, says she, having the +Entrails in her Hand, _now go and make yourself agreeable to my Dear_. +At one time she wishes to be _Europa_[34], at another _Io_: for one of +these was herself the Wife of a Bull, and the other made her Horse of +one. + +Filled with these Thoughts, she contrived the strangest Method of +compleating her Desires. She sent for a Joiner of great Ingenuity, and +ordered him to make her a large Cow of Wood. Into this she conveyed +herself, and thus deceived Master Bull into her Embraces. + +She conceived by this monstrous Coition, and brought forth an +Offspring, which by his partaking equally of the human and taurine +Form, betrayed her horrid Passion. + +If the _Cretan_ Lady[35] had abstained from the Love of _Thyestes_, +(O! how Women disdain Constancy to their Husbands!) the Sun had not +stopt in the middle of his Career, and turned about his Face to the +East, that he might avoid the bloody Banquet. God be praised! the +Cuckolds of our Age are not so bloody in their Revenge. + +The Daughter of _Nisus_[36], who stole her Papa's Hair, feeds hungry +Dogs in those Parts which first set her a longing for _Minos_. + +_Agamemnon_, after returning safe from so many bloody Campaigns, and +from the dangerous Seas which he crossed, fell at last a dreadful +Victim to the Whore his Wife[37]. + +Who hath not wept at the sad Story of _Creusa_? consumed by the Flames +of a Sorceress, who afterwards drenched her Hands in the Blood of her +own Children[38]. + +_Phoenix_[39], the Son of _Amyntor_, hath often paid many a Tear for +his Amours, though he had not the wretched Fate of _Hippolytus_[40], +to be torn in pieces by wild Horses. + +And thou, O _Phineus_[41]! why dost thou indulge that Jade _Harpalice_ +by digging out the Eyes of thy Children? Believe me, Divine Vengeance +will hereafter inflict the same Punishment on thyself. + +All these have been the Effects of Women's raging Desires, which are +so much more violent and mad than ours. + +Come on then, and doubt not the Conquest of any Girl whatever: there +is not one in a thousand who will deny you. + +And even those who will deny you, love to be put to the Question; if +you are disappointed therefore, your Repulse will be attended with no +Danger. + +But why should you apprehend any Disappointment, when every new Amour +pleases them, and they all hanker after the Lovers and Husbands of +other Women? + +This I am afraid is too natural in all things. The Corn in our +Neighbour's Field seems always to flourish beyond our own, and we +think our own Cow gives less Milk than his. + +However, before you attack any Lady, make first sure of her Maid; for +she will pave the Way to your Addresses. + +If the Lady have many Females about her Person, take care to secure +her who is most in the Confidence of her Mistress; and who will +faithfully betray to you all her private Conversation. + +When you have found this Confidant out, corrupt her with Promises and +Intreaties; for she can soon bring you to the End of your Desires, if +she pleases. + +Let her watch the Opportunity, (Physicians will tell you the Use of +attending proper Seasons) when the Mind of your Mistress is easy, and +apt for your Purpose. + +This Season, I apprehend, is when she is in the best Humour; for Love +then becomes luxuriant in her Mind, as Corn doth in a rich Soil. + +When the Heart is full of Gladness, and bound up by no Vexation, it +is open; and then the Compliments of a Lover will easily find an +Admission. + +Remember, _Troy_ was defended while it remained in a sullen Mood, and +opened its Gates to the armed Horse, when it was full of Good-Humour, +and drunk with Joy. + +Yet every Vexation should not deter you; for if your Mistress should +be uneasy at the Falshood of her Husband, then is a proper time to +attack her, and to assist her in revenging the Injury. + +When your Mistress is in this Humour, let _Abigail_ while combing her +Hair at the Toilette in a Morning, stir her up to Vengeance. This will +under-hand promote your Voyage; for while you openly manage your +Sails, she works under the Water with her Oars. + +Now let Abigail with a soft Sigh mutter to her self: _Ah! poor Lady, I +am afraid it is not in your power alone to revenge your Husband's +Perfidy!_ + +Then let her introduce a Discourse of you; let her say something in +your Favour, and swear that you are gone distracted and dying for +Love. + +But no Time must be lost; lest the Passions she hath raised should +again subside; and Resentment intervene by Delay, and freeze up her +Love as Ice doth Water. + +And here perhaps you will ask a Question, Whether it is prudent to +kiss the Agent herself. This is not easy to answer: for it is a mere +Cast of the Dye, whether you succeed the better of the worse for it. + +One Woman is by Enjoyment made a more industrious Solicitor, another +becomes just the reverse. One thinks of procuring the Pleasures she +hath tasted for her Mistress, another of securing them herself. + +The Event is doubtful; and though she may be easy enough to be had, my +Advice is, abstain from the Confidant; for I will not imitate the +Empyric in striking bold Strokes; nor will I lead my Scholars over a +Precipice. I give no Advice but what is safe, nor shall any Youth by +following my Precepts run himself into _Rosamond's Pond_. + +If therefore the Girl who goes between you and your Mistress, pleases +you in her Person as well as in her Diligence; enjoy the Mistress +first, and the Maid falls of course; but never begin with the latter. + +One thing however I must admonish you, (if my Art deserves any +Credit, and my Words are to be regarded as any thing better than Wind) +EITHER NEVER ATTEMPT THE CONFIDANT, OR GO THOROUGH STITCH WITH HER: +for by making her _particeps criminis_ you take away her Evidence. + +This Doctrine you may learn from all other Sportsmen: for if a Bird +escapes with Birdlime on his Wings, or a Boar breaks through the +Toils, or a Fish gets off from the Hook; they are all sure to alarm +their Companions, and spoil the Sport of the Fowler, the Hunter, or +the Fisher. If once therefore you attempt her, press her to it with +all your Vigour, and never leave her till you have enjoyed her. + +For when once she is involved in the same Guilt with yourself, you are +sure she will not betray you. Nay, you may be assured further, that +she will betray every Word and Action of her Mistress to you. + +But take particular care not to blab any of the Secrets she discloses +to you: for while her Mistress hath no Suspicion of her Confidant, she +will be able to lay her entirely open to your Knowledge. + +And now, to resume that Matter, believe me, he is deceived, who thinks +that none but the Farmer and Mariner are obliged to regard the Season: +for as it is not proper at all times to commit the Corn to the +fallacious Fields, nor to trust your Vessel at all times to the green +Ocean; so neither is it always safe to attack a tender Girl, for she +will be taken at one time who will resist at another. If it be for +instance her Birth-day[42], perhaps, her Grandmother hath instructed +her to be particularly cautious on that day; so if it be the Day of +the Week on which _Childermas_ hath happened to fall that Year; or +King _Charles's_ Martyrdom: defer the attack at all such Seasons. For +to speak in Sea-Language, then is dirty Weather[43], then it blows a +Hurricane; and if you weigh Anchor at that Season, you will be scarce +able to keep your keel downwards. + +Above all avoid your Mistress's Birth-day; nor will it be more prudent +in you to visit her first on the Morning of _Valentine's_ Day[44], you +will pay more for being her Valentine than it is worth. Indeed all +Seasons which give them any Hint of receiving Presents should be +carefully avoided: for be never so cautious and sneaking, have it of +you she will. They all very well know the Art of squeezing a Lover who +longs to squeeze them. + +Mr.[C] _Deards_ will make his Appearance in his Silk Night-Gown, and +unbundle his Packet in your Presence. The Lady will then desire you +to look over his Trinkets, (she can do no less, you know, in +Compliment to your Taste:) then she will make you a Present of a Kiss, +and afterwards desire you to buy it. + +[Note C: An eminent Joyner in _London_.] + +"I promise you, my Dear," says she, "if you will but buy me this +single Jewel, I will not ask another of you the Lord knows how long; +but I have really a present Occasion for this, and besides it is the +cheapest Thing I ever saw." + +If you pretend to have no Money about you, the Answer is, O, my Dear, +you may give your Note: Mr. _Deards_ will take your Note. So that you +may repent having learnt to write your Name. Then she adds, _O la, I +had almost forgot, it is my Birth-day, I am sure you will make me a +Present on my Birth-day_: for they can be born every Day in the Year +to serve their Purpose. Or else she pretends to have lost a Drop from +her Ear-Ring; this Loss makes her miserable, and sure, says she, _if +you loved me, you would repair that Loss_. + +Nay, some are not so honest as to desire a Present, they only borrow; +but they are sure never to restore. By this Means you lose the Thing, +without having the Merit of bestowing it. + +In short, if I had ten Mouths, with ten Tongues in each, all would not +suffice to display all the Arts by which Harlots pick the Pockets of +their Cullies. + +Begin then your Amour with an Epistle; let that break the Ice for you, +and make the first Discovery of your Flame. + +In this you may insert all your little Blandishments, and Expressions +of Fondness, nor be ashamed, however high your Quality is, to add the +strongest Entreaties. + +Remember that many a Rebel's Son hath had his Life spared at the +Supplication of his Father; nay, the Wrath of Heaven itself is often +averted by Prayer. + +It is moreover my Advice to you, to be liberal of your Promises; for +what Injury can you receive by Promising? This is a Treasure in which +any Man may be rich. + +Nor can your Mistress complain that she is absolutely cheated, if you +can bring her to believe your Promises. A lifely Faith hath supported +many a Man for a long Time: For though our Faith may sometimes deceive +us, it is however a great and commodious Virtue. + +Beware of giving: For when once your Mistress hath the Present in her +Clutches, she may answer jilting you to her Prudence. She hath gained +at least what she is in possession of, and cannot be said to have lost +any thing by the Bargain. + +On the contrary, keep her still in Expectation. Seem always about to +give, but never part with a Shilling: For in this Manner doth a barren +Soil often deceive its Owner. Thus, that he may not be a Loser, the +Gamester pushes on his ill Luck, and one flattering Throw makes him +eager to have the Box again in his Hands. + +Indeed the great Business is to enjoy your Mistress before she hath +touched you. If she once yield to you gratis, she will continue to +bestow her Favours still gratis, in Hopes of being at last rewarded +for all her past Favours. + +Epistolize therefore first; flatter and sooth her with tender Lines. +Let these probe her Mind, and open the Way for your Addresses. + +You know the Story of _Cydippe_[45], who was outwitted by a Letter +inclosed in an Apple; by which Means she was made to speak Words she +never intended. + +I would advise the young Gentlemen of the _Temple_, to study the Arts +of Persuasion, on other Accounts, besides that of defending +Sheep-stealers at an Assizes: For a pretty Girl may be as easily +captivated by Eloquence, as a Judge or Jury; and surely she is a much +nobler Prize. + +But here conceal your Art, and do not carry your Eloquence in your +Face: And above all Things, beware of hard Words; for who but an empty +Coxcomb ever made a verbose Declamation to his Mistress? By such +Methods you may raise her Abhorrence more probably than her Love. + +Let your Passion appear credible, and disclose it in easy and common +Language; it may be as tender and warm as you please; but preserve the +Stile of Conversation. + +If she should not receive your Letter, but send it back unopened, hope +for better Success another Time, and maintain your Purpose. + +Time brings the Stubborn Steer to bend his Neck to the Yoke, and the +Horse to endure the Bridle. + +Iron Bonds and Ploughshares are worn out by constant Use. What is +harder than a Rock? or what is softer than Water? And yet hard Rocks +are hollowed by soft Water. + +_Penelope_ herself in Time might have been conquered. You see _Troy_, +though it defended itself so long, was however taken at last. + +If she reads your Letters, but is unwilling to answer them, do not +attempt to compel her. If she but reads your Fondness, it is +sufficient. + +If she will read, in Time she will answer what she reads. All these +Matters will be brought about in their own good Time. + +Perhaps the first Answer she sends you will be a cruel one, and may +desire you to quit all future Solicitations. + +She fears to be taken at her Word, and hopes you will not grant her +Request. Follow her, and in Time you will obtain your Wishes. + +If you meet her Chair, and the Curtains should be drawn, approach it +as it were by Accident; and when you discover her there, whisper +something tender in her Ear; but whisper softly, lest the Chairman, or +any other impertinent Person, should over-hear you. + +When she walks in the _Mall_, dangle after her, and interrupt her Walk +with your Conversation. + +Here you will have an Opportunity of seeing her Shape, and shewing her +yours, by sometimes walking behind, and sometimes before her. + +But for the most Part keep even pace with her, whether she trips along +briskly, or only saunters. + +Sometimes she will take a longer Walk, as far perhaps as the second or +Third Stone. Hither follow her, and take every Opportunity of getting +up close to her Side. + +Never let her go to the Play without attending her: No Matter what the +Play is, she will bring sufficient Entertainment for you with her. + +Here keep your Eyes always intent on her only, and admire every Thing +about her. By your Eyes, and by Signs, you may inform her of many +Things. + +Be sure to applaud greatly any amorous wanton Dance; and be no less +favourable to those Scenes where the Business of Love is transacted, +and almost brought to a Conclusion on the Stage: Many of which occur +in _Congreve_, _Vanbrugh_, and _Wycherly_. + +If she rises between the Acts, rise also; if she sits, as sometimes +Ladies do, to express their Contempt for the Audience, do you likewise +keep your Seat. In a Word, conduct yourself entirely according to her +Example and Pleasure. + +Now with regard to your Person: Do not imitate some finical _Petit +Matre_ in his _Toupet_, much less in more detestable Effeminacies. + +Tuck your Hair rather under your Hat, like the rough Fox-hunter, who +traverses Hill and Dale to the Musick of the Horn. + +A careless Air in Dress becomes a Man. Colonel _Theseus_[46] carried +off Miss _Ariadne_ in a Campaign Wig without a single Curl in it. + +In the same Manner did Captain _Hippolytus_ march off with Miss +_Phaedra_, though his Shock Head of Hair never had any Powder in it: +nay, Lady _Venus_ herself chose young _Jack Adonis_ in a Jockey Coat +and Buckskin Breeches. + +Cleanliness however is agreeable: Let your Face be burnt with the Sun; +but let your Cloaths be well made, and without a Spot on them. + +Wash your Mouth, and clean your Teeth often; let your Beard be close +shaved, and your Nails short and free from Dirt. + +Observe these Documents, and leave all other Niceties to the Women, +and to Men who desire to supply their Places. + +But now _Bacchus_ summons his Poet. He likewise assists Lovers, and +favours the Flame which warms himself. + +The _Cretan_ Lady having jumped out of Bed in a raving Fit, wandered +on the foreign Shore of _Dia_. She had nothing on but a loose wrapping +Gown, without Stockings or Cap: and her Hair hung dishevelled over her +Shoulders. She complained of the Cruelty of _Theseus_ to the deep +Waves, whilst an unworthy Shower of Tears ran down her Cheeks. She +wept, and lamented aloud, and both became her; nor did her Tears +diminish her Beauty. Once, and again, she beat her delicious Breasts +with her Hands, and cried aloud, _The perfidious Man hath abandoned +me; What will become of poor _Ariadne_? What will become of poor +_Ariadne_?_ On a sudden a vast Multitude was heard, while many Kinds +of strange Instruments, like those of the miserable Masons, +accompanied the Voices. The poor Lady sunk with Fear; and suppressed +her last Words; nor did the least Blood remain in her Countenance. And +now behold the _Bacchanalian_ Women, with their Hair about their Ears, +and the light Satyrs, who are always Forerunners of the God. Behold +old Master _Silenus_[47] as drunk as a Piper, riding on an Ass, which +he is hardly able either to sit or guide. The old Gentleman, +endeavouring to follow the _Bacchanalians_, who fly from him and +towards him, sets Spurs to his Ass, which being a vicious Beast, +kicked up, and threw him over his Ears: upon which all the Satyrs set +up a loud Shout, crying out, _Rise, Father, rise and be d----nd to +you_. And now the God himself, high mounted on his Four-Wheel Chaise, +the Top of which was adorned with Grapes, and which he drove himself, +flung his Golden Reins over the Backs of his Pair of Tygers. Poor +_Ariadne's_ Colour forsook her Cheeks, and _Theseus_ and her Voice at +once deserted her Lips. Thrice she attempted to fly, and thrice being +retained, she grew stiff with Fear, and stood trembling as Corn waves +in the Field, or Reeds on the River Bank, when fanned by the Wind. To +whom the God; _Behold, Madam, a more faithful Lover at your Feet: Fear +nothing, Lady fair, you shall be the Wife of _Bacchus_. The Sky shall +be your Dowry, where shining in a bright Constellation, by the Name of +_Ariadne's_ Crown, you shall often direct the doubtful Mariner's +Passage._ He said; and leaping from his Chariot, lest _Ariadne_ should +be afraid of the Tygers, the Sand sunk under the Weight of his Feet; +and catching her instantly in his Arms, he carried her, who was +incapable of scratching, directly off; (for every Thing, we know, is +in the Power of a Deity:) And now, whilst Part of his Train sing the +_Hymenaeum_, and other cry _Evie Evoe_, two very mysterious Words, and +full of Masonry, the God and his new-ravished Bride go together, +between a Pair of sacred Sheets. + +Whenever therefore you happen to be in Company with a pretty Girl over +a Bottle, pray heartily to _Bacchus_, and invoke his nocturnal Rites, +that the Wine may not get into your Head. You may now take an +Opportunity to toast some Nymph by a fictitious Name, of whom you may +say an hundred amorous Things; all which, with the least Assistance, +she will readily apply to herself. Double Entendres likewise may be +used. You may moreover draw certain Figures in Wine on the Table; and +after having spoken of your Mistress in the third Person, you may take +this Method of writing her Name, and convincing her, that she herself +is the Goddess. + +But let your gloating Eyes inform her of your Passion: for an +expressive Countenance often finds both Words and Utterance. + +When she drinks, receive the Cup from her; and let her see you +industrious to find out the Place before pressed by her Lips; and then +drink eagerly at the same. + +And whatever Part of the Meat she shall touch with her Fingers, do not +fail to give the Preference to that: if in catching at it, you touch +her Hand into the Bargain, it is the better. + +But above all Things, let it be your Endeavour to please her Keeper, +if she have any: For to make a Friend of him will be very useful to +you both. + +When you are at Table, let him be always helped first, and to the most +elegant Tid-Bit; and when you drink together, offer him always the +Place of Toast-maker; whether he be your Inferiour or your Equal, let +him always choose before you, and be not ashamed to trowel him well +over with Flattery. + +It is a safe and common Way to deceive under Pretence of Friendship; I +must own, however safe and common it is, it is not altogether +blameless. + +This is indeed a Dishonesty not very unlike that of a Major Domo, who +under the Colour of Friendship empties your Cellars of your Wine, by +pushing the Bottle further than is necessary. + +Now to fix a certain Stint to your Cups, I allow you never to drink +till your Head becomes giddy, and your Feet begin to totter. + +Beware of Quarrels, which are often occasioned by Wine. Let not your +Hands be too ready to strike in your Cups. + +Remember the old Story of the Wedding of _Pyrothous_[48] and many more +where drunken Fools by being quarrelsome in their Liquor have come +short home. A Drinking Bout is in Reality a properer Scene for Joke +and Mirth, than for Fighting. + +I proceed to other Lessons[49]. If you have a Voice, then sing; if you +have handsome Legs, cut Capers, or slide into the Minuet Step. In +short, endeavour to please your Mistress, by exerting those Talents in +which Nature hath given you to excel. + +Now, as real Drunkenness may be hurtful to you, so you may sometimes +reap Advantages by pretending yourself in Liquor, by Stammering or +Lisping a little slyly: For then if you should descend to some +Expressions of the grosser Kind, it will be imputed to your having +taken a Cup too much. + +Drink Bumpers to the Health of your Mistress, and of the Gentleman +with whom she is obliged to sleep; but I do not insist on your being +extremely sincere on this Occasion: for you may heartily wish him +hanged at the same Time, if you please. + +When the Company rises to go away, there is always a Confusion in the +Room, of which you may take Advantage. You may then creep close up to +your Mistress, may perhaps palm her, and gently tread on her Toes. + +Whenever you have an Opportunity of speaking to her privately, be not +bashful like a Country Boobily Squire. Remember Fortune and Love both +favour the Bold. + +I do not intend to lay down any Rules for your Oratory on this +Occasion. Do but begin boldly, and you will be Eloquent of course: Set +this only before you, that you are to act the Part of a Lover, to talk +of Wounds and Darts, and Dying and Despair, and all that, as Mr. +_Bayes_ says: For if you can once make her believe you are in Love, +your Business is done. To create therefore this Faith in her, you +must employ every Art of which you are Master. + +Nor is this indeed so difficult a Task: For every Woman believes +herself to be the Object of Love; be she never so ugly, she is still +amiable in her own Eye. + +Sometimes indeed no Deceit is in the End put on the Woman, for her +pretended Lover becomes often a real one, and is the very Creature +which he before personated. + +And by the Way, young Ladies, let me tell you this is no small +Encouragement to you, to countenance such Pretences; for if you manage +well, you may often inspire a Man with Love in Earnest, while he is +endeavouring to impose a fictitious Passion upon you. + +But to return to my Scholars. Flatter with all your Might: for the +Mind is taken as it were by Stealth, by Flattery, even as the Bank +which hangs over a River is undermined by the liquid Waves. + +Never be weary therefore of commending her Face, or her Hair; her +taper Arm, or her pretty little Foot. + +The chastest Matrons are fond of hearing the Praises of their Beauty; +and the purest Virgins make the Charms of their Persons at once their +Business and their Pleasure. + +What else is meant by that ancient Fable of _Juno_ and _Pallas_, whom +the _Greek_ Poets represent as yet ashamed of the Conquest obtained by +_Venus_. + +This Vanity seems to extend itself to Animals, in many of which we may +observe some Traces of it. + +The peacock, if you seem to admire her, spreads forth her Golden +Plumes, which she never displays to an indifferent Spectator. + +The Race-Horse, while he is running for a Plate, enjoys the Beauties +of his well-combed Mane, and gracefully turned Neck. + +Secondly, to Flattery, add Promises, and those not timorous nor +sneaking ones. If a Girl insists upon a Promise of Marriage, give it +her, and bind it by many Oaths[D]; for no Indictment lies for this +sort of Perjury. + +The Antients vented horrid Impieties on this Occasion, and introduced +_Jupiter_ shaking his Sides at the Perjuries of Lovers, and ordering +the Winds to puff them away: Nay, he is said to have forsworn himself +even by _Styx_ to _Juno_: and therefore, say they, he encourages Men +to follow his Example. + +[Note D: This is the most exceptionable Passage in the whole Work. We +have endeavoured to soften it as much as possible; but even as it now +stands, we cannot help expressing Detestation of this Sentiment, which +appears shocking even in a Heathen Writer.] + +But though a Christian must not talk in this Manner, yet I believe it +may be one of those Sins which the Church of _Rome_ holds to be +venial, or rather venal. + +I would here by no Means be suspected of Infidelity or Profaneness. It +is necessary there should be a God; and therefore we must believe +there is; nay, we must worship him: For he doth not possess himself in +that indolent State in which the Deities of _Epicurus_ are depictured. +If we live innocent Lives, we may depend on the Care of his +Providence. + +Restore faithfully whatever is deposited in your Hands: Be just in all +your Contracts: Avoid all Kind of Fraud, and be not polluted with +Blood. A wise Man will be a Rogue only among the Girls: For in all +other Articles a Gentleman will be ashamed of breaking his Word. + +And what is this more than deceiving the Deceivers? The Sex are for +the greatest Part Impostors; let them therefore fall in the Snares +which they have spread for others. + +Perhaps you have never read the Justice of _Busiris_; when Egypt was +burnt up Nine Years together for want of Rain, one _Thrasius_ a +Foreigner came to Court, and being introduced to the King by +_Clementius Cotterelius_, he acquainted his Majesty, that _Jupiter_ +was to be propitiated by the Blood of a Stranger. The King Answered +him, _Then thou thyself shalt be the first Victim, and with thy +foreign Blood shalt give Rain to Egypt_. + +To the same Purpose is the Story of _Phalaris_, who roasted the Limbs +of _Perillus_ in his own Bull: Thus making Proof of the Goodness of +the Work by the Torments of the unhappy Maker. + +Now there was great Justice in both these Examples; for nothing can be +more equitable than that the Inventers of Cruelty should perish by +their own Art. + +To apply this to our present Purpose: As there is no Deceit or Perjury +which Women will stick at putting in use against us, let them lament +the Consequence of their own Examples. + +Thirdly, Tears are of great Service. The Proverb tells you, _Tears +will move Adamant_. If you can bring it about therefore, let your +Mistress see your Cheeks a little blubbered upon Occasion. + +If Tears should refuse to come (as they sometimes will) an Onion in +your Handkerchief will be of great use. + +Fourthly, Kisses. What Lover of any Sense doth not mix Kisses with his +tender Expressions! Perhaps she will not give them easily: No Matter, +take them without her Leave. + +Perhaps she will scratch, and say you are rude: Notwithstanding her +Scratches, she will be pleased with your getting the better. + +Do this, however, in so gentle a Manner, that you may not hurt her +tender Lips; nor let her complain of being scrubbed with your Beard. + +Now when you have proceeded to Kisses, if you proceed no farther, you +may well be called unworthy of what you have hitherto obtained. When +you was at her Lips, how near was you to your Journey's End! If +therefore you stop there, you rather deserve the Name of a bashful +'Squire than of a modest Man. + +The Girls may call this perhaps Violence; but it is a Violence +agreeable to them: For they are often desirous of being pleased +against their Will: For a Woman taken without her Consent, +notwithstanding her Frowns, is often well satisfied in her Heart, and +your Impudence is taken as a Favour; whilst she who, when inclined to +be ravished, hath retreated untouched, however she may affect to +smile, is in reality out of Humour. + +Ravishing is indeed out of Fashion in this Age; and therefore I am at +a Loss for modern Examples; but antient Story abounds with them. + +Miss[50] _Phoebe_ and her Sister were both ravished, and both were +well pleased with the Men who ravished them. + +Though the Story of _Deidamia_ was formerly in all the _Trojan_ +News-Papers, yet my Reader may be pleased to see it better told. + +_Venus_ had now kept her Word to _Paris_, and given him the Beauty she +had promised, not as a Bribe, but as a Gratification for his having +made an Award in her Favour, in the famous Cause between _Juno_ and +others against _Venus_, in _Trover_ for a Golden Apple; which was +referred to him at the Assizes at _Ida_. + +_Paris_, every one knows, no sooner had received Mrs. _Helen_, than he +immediately carried her off to his Father's Court. + +Upon this the _Grecians_ entered into an Association; and several +Noblemen raised Regiments at their own Expence, out of their Regard to +the Public: For Cuckoldom was a public Cause, no one knowing whose +Turn it would be next. + +Lieutenant-General _Achilles_, who was to command a large Body of +Grenadiers, which the _Greeks_ call _Myrmidons_, did not behave +handsomely on that Occasion, though he got off afterwards at a +Court-Martial by pleading, that his Mother (who had a great deal in +her own Power) had insisted on his acting the Part he did; for, I am +ashamed to say, he dressed himself in Women's Clothes, and hid himself +at the House of one _Lycomedes_, a Man of good Fortune in those parts. + +_Fie upon it, General, I am ashamed to see you sit quilting among the +Girls; a Sword becomes your Hands much better than a Needle._ + +_What can you mean by that Work-Basket in a Hand by which Count +_Hector_ is to fall? Do you carry that Basket with you to put his Head +in?_ + +_For Shame then, cast away your Huswife, and all those effeminate +Trinkets from a Fist able to wield _Harry_ the Fifth's Sword._ + +It happened, that at the same Time when the General, at the House of +'Squire _Lycomedes_, performed this Feat, Miss _Deidamia_, one of the +Maids of Honour, was visiting at the same Place. This young Lady soon +discovered that the General was a Man; for indeed he got her +Maidenhead. + +He ravished her, that is the Truth on't; that a Gentleman ought to +believe, in Favour of the Lady: But he may believe the Lady was +willing enough to be ravished at the same Time. + +When the General threw away his Needle, and grasped the Armour, (you +must remember the Story, for it was in the _Trojan Alamain_) the young +Lady began to change her Note, and to hope he would not forsake her +so. + +_Ah! little _Mia_! is this the Violence you complained of? Is this the +Ravisher you are afraid of? Why with that gentle Voice do you solicite +the Author of your Dishonour to stay with you?_ + +To come at once to the Moral of my Story; as they are ashamed to make +the first Advances, so they are ready to suffer whatever a pushing Man +can do unto them. + +As for those pretty Master-Misses, the _Adonis's_ of the Age, who +confide in their own Charms, and desire to be courted by the Girls; +believe me, they will stay long enough before they are asked the +Question. + +If you are a Man, make the first Overtures: Remember, it is the Man's +Part to address the Fair; and it will be her's to be tenderly won. + +Be bold then, and put the Question; she desires no more than to have +the Question put; and sure you will not deny your own Wishes that +Favour. + +_Jupiter_ himself went a courting to the Heroines of old: For I never +heard of any Girl who courted him. + +But if you find Madam gives herself any immoderate Airs at your +Proposal, it will then be good to recede a little from your +Undertaking, and to affect to sheer off: For many of them, according +to the Poet, + + _Pursue what flies, and fly what doth pursue._ + +A short Absence will soon cure her Disdain. + +It may be proper likewise to conceal your intentions a little at +first, and make your first Advance under the Pretence of _Platonic_ +Friendship. + +I have known many a Prude taken under these false Colours; and the +_Platonic_ Friend hath soon become a happy Lover. + +And now as to your Complexion; for believe me, this is a Matter of +some Consequence: Though I would not have you effeminate, yet I would +have you delicate. + +A fair Complexion in a Tar is scandalous, and looks more like a +Borough Captain or one of those fresh-water Sailors, who have so much +dishonoured our Navy. The Skin of a Seaman ought to be rough, and well +battered with Winds and Waves. + +Such likewise ought to be the Face of a Fox-hunter, who ought not to +fear Rain or Easterly Winds: And the fame becomes the Soldier. + +But let the Soldier of _Venus_ look fair and delicate; nay, if your +Complexion inclines to Paleness, so much the better; for this will be +imputed by every young Girl to Love. + +Young _Orion_[51] with a pale Countenance wandered through the Groves, +being sick with the Love of Lyrice: And the same Effect had the Love +of _Nais_ upon the Countenance of _Daphnis_[52]; two Lovers very +famous in Antiquity. + +Leanness is another Token of a Lover; to obtain which, you need not +take Physick; sitting up all Night; and writing Love-Letters, will +bring this about. + +Be sure to look as miserable as possible; so that every one who sees +you, may cry, _There goes a Lover_. + +And here shall I lament the Wickedness of Mankind, or only simply +observe it to you? But in Reality all Friendship and Integrity are +nothing more than Names. + +Alas! It is dangerous to be too prodigal in the Praises of your +Mistress, even to your Friend; for if he believes you, he becomes your +Rival. + +It is true there are some old Stories of faithful Friends: _Patroclus_ +never made a Cuckold of _Achilles_; and _Phaedra's_ Chastity was never +attempted by _Pirithous_. + +_Pylades_ loved _Hermions_, who was his Friend's Wife; but it was with +the pure Love of a Brother: And the same Fidelity did _Castor_ +preserve towards his Twin-Brother _Pollux_. + +But if you expect to find such Instances in these degenerate Days, you +may as well have Faith enough to expect a Pine-Apple from a Pear-Tree, +or to hope to fill your Bottle with _Burgundy_ from the River. + +I am afraid we are grown so bad, that Iniquity itself gives a Relish +to our Pleasures; and every Man is not only addicted to his Pleasures, +but those are the sweeter, when season'd with another's Pain. + +It is in short a terrible Case, that a Lover ought to fear his Friend +more than his Enemy. Beware of the former, and you are safe. + +Beware of your Cousin, and your Brother, and your dear and intimate +Companions. These are the Sort of Gentry, from whom you are to +apprehend most Danger. + +Here I intended to have finished; but one Rule more suggests itself. + +You are to note then, that there is a great Variety in the Tempers of +Women; for a thousand different Women are to be wooed a thousand +different Ways. + +Mr. _Miller_ will tell you, that the same kind of Soil is not proper +for all Fruits. One produces good Carrots, another Potatoes, and a +third Turneps. Now there is as great a Variety of Disposition in the +human Mind, as there are Forms in the World: For which Reason a +Politician is capable of accommodating himself to innumerable Kinds of +Tempers: Not _Proteus_ could indeed diversify himself more Ways than +he can. + +Nay you may learn this Lesson from every Fisherman; for some Fish are +to be taken with one Bait, and some with another; others will scarce +bite at any, but are however to be drawn out of the Water by a Net. + +One good Caution under this Head, is to consider the Age of your +Mistress: Old Birds are not taken with Chaff; and an old Hare will be +sure to double. + +Again, consider Circumstances. Do not frighten an ignorant Woman with +Learning, nor a poor Country Girl with your fine Cloathes; for by +these Means you will create in them too great an Awe of you. Many a +Girl hath run away frighted from the Embraces of the Master, and +afterwards fallen into the Clutches of his Footman. + +And here we will now cast our Anchor, having finished the first Part +of our intended Voyage. + +_FINIS_ + + + + +FOOTNOTES + + +[Footnote 1: Here _Ovid_ uses the Examples of _Automedon_, who was the +Coachman of _Achilles_; and of _Tiphys_, who was Pilot or Steersman to +the _Argonauts_.] + +[Footnote 2: This is a literal Translation; by which it appears this +barbarous Custom of whipping Boys on the Hands, till they look as if +they had the Itch, was used by the _Roman_ Schoolmasters as well as by +ours.] + +[Footnote 3: The Original introduces _Achilles_, who was the pupil of +_Chiron_.] + +[Footnote 4: In the Original,--_held forth at his Master's Commands +those Hands to be whipt, which_ Hector _was hereafter to feel_. The +Indelicacy of which Image we have avoided applying to our _British_ +Hero.] + +[Footnote 5: _Both born of a Goddess._] + +[Footnote 6: This is transferred, we hope not improperly from _Roman_ +to _British_ Superstition. The _Latin_ alludes to Augury, and very +justly ridicules the Folly of Divination by the Flight of Birds.] + +[Footnote 7: _Nor were_ Clio _or her Sisters seen by me, while I +tended a Flock in the Valleys of Ascra._ This _Ascra_ was a Valley +near the _Helicon_, which was the Residence of the Parents of +_Hesiod_. Now _Hesiod_ was fabled, whilst he was keeping his Father's +Sheep, to have been led by the Muse to the Fountain _Hippocrene_; and +being, I suppose, well ducked in that Water, commenced Poet.] + +[Footnote 8: This whole Passage is a manifest Burlesque on the +Invocations with which the Ancients began their Poems. Not very +different is that Sneer at the Beginning of the _Metamorphosis_, + + ---- _Dii, caeptis_, (NAM VOS MUTASTIS ET ILLAS) + _Adspirate_ ---- + +But the strongest Piece of Burlesque of this kind is the Invocation to +_Venus_ at the Beginning of _Lucretius_: For what can be more so than +a solemn Application to a Deity for her Assistance in a Work, the +professed Intention of which is to expose the Belief of any Deity at +all; and more particularly of any Concern which such superior Beings +might be supposed to take in the Affairs of Men. For my own part, I +must confess, I cannot perceive _that graceful Air of Enthusiasm_ +which a noble Author observes in the Invocation of the Antients; many +of them indeed seem to have been too apparently in jest, to endeavour +to impose on their Readers, and in reality to apply to the Muses with +less Devotion than our modern Poets, many of whom perhaps believe as +much in those Deities as in any other.] + +[Footnote 9: _Ovid_ would here insinuate, that the Courtezans only +were the Subjects of the ensuing Poem; and in his _Tristibus_ he cites +these Lines, and pleads them in his Defence: But he is not over-honest +in his Profession; for in many Parts it appears, that his Instructions +are calculated for much more than _concessa furtia_.] + +[Footnote 10: _Andromeda_ was the Daughter of _Cepheus_ King of +_Aethiopia_ and of _Cassiope_. Her Mother having offended the +_Nereids_, by contending with them for Superiority in Beauty, +_Neptune_, at their Petition, sent a Sea-Monster, which greatly +annoyed the _Aethiopians_. Upon this they consulted the Oracle of +_Jupiter Ammon_, who ordered them to expose one of the Progeny of +_Cepheus_ and _Cassiope_ to be devoured by the Monster. _Andromeda_ +was accordingly ty'd to a Rock, where she was espied by _Perseus_, who +killed the Monster, and rescued the Lady; for which he received her at +the Hands of her Parents as his Reward. The Story is told in the 4th +Book of the _Metamorphosis_.] + +[Footnote 11: _Bunches of Grapes in _Methymna__; a City of _Lesbia_, +the Wine of which Country was famous among the Ancients.] + +[Footnote 12: _Ears of Corn in _Gargara__; which was in _Mysia_, a +Province of the _Hellespont_.] + +[Footnote 13: The Original is, _And the Mother of _AEneas_ resides in +the City of her Son._ _AEneas_, from whom the Romans derived their +Original, was the Son of _Venus_ by _Anchises_.] + +[Footnote 14: The Original, rendered as literally as possible, is as +follows: _Walk at your ease under the _Pompeian_ Shade, when the Sun +enters the _Herculean_ Lion; or where the Mother hath added her +Benefactions to those of her Son; a work rich in foreign Marble: Nor +avoid that Portico adorned with ancient Pictures, which is called +_Livia_, from the Name of its Founder: nor that adorned by the Statues +of the _Belides_, who attempted the Lives of their unfortunate +Cousins; and where you see the cruel Father standing with his drawn +Sword: Nor pass by the Temple of _Venus_ and her lamented_ Adonis; +_nor omit the Seventh-Day Festivals of the _Jews_; nor the _Egyptian_ +Temples of the _Linnen-clad_ Heifer: She makes many Women to be that +which she herself was to _Jupiter_._ + +To explain these several Particulars to an _English_ Reader, it must +be known, that the Portico's in _Rome_ were the publick Walks; and +here Persons of both Sexes used to assemble. Among these was one built +by _Pompey_. The second Portico mentioned, is by the best Commentators +understood of the _Octavian_, which was built by _Octavia_, Sister to +_Augustus_, and Mother to _Marcellus_; and this adjoined to a Temple +built by the same _Marcellus_. The third Portico was built by _Livia_ +the Wife of _Augustus_, and called from her Name. The fourth, where +the Picture of the _Belides_ was, is to be understood of the Portico +of _Apollo Palatinus_, in which were the Statues of the fifty +Daughters of _Danaus_ and Grandaughters of _Belus_. These being +married to the fifty Sons of their Uncle _AEgyptus_, every one, by her +Father's Command, slew her husband on the first Night, save only +_Hypermnestra_. For this they were punished in the lower World, by +being obliged to fill a Barrel full of Holes with Water. _Scaliger_ +and others have here made a mistake, supposing the Picture of the +_Belides_ was here hung up: But the contrary appears by many +Authorities, particularly by this in _Qv. Trist. 3_. + + _Signa peregrinis ubi sunt alterna columnis, + Belides, & stricto barbarus ense pater._ + +It appears that the Number of Pillars was equalled by the Number of +Statues. 5thly, The Temple of _Venus_, in which she was worshipped, +together with _Adonis_, after the _Assyrian_ manner. This _Adonis_ was +the Son of _Cinyras_ King of _Cyprus_, begotten by him on his own +Daughter _Myrrha_. The Fame of his Beauty, and the Passion which +_Venus_ bore towards him, are well known. 6thly, The _Jewish_ +Synagogues. The _Jews_ having been encouraged by _Julius Caesar_, were +very numerous in _Rome_ at that time; and the Strangeness and Pomp of +their Ceremonies inviting the Curiosity of the _Roman_ Ladies, their +Synagogues became famous Places of Intrigue. 7. The Temple of _Isis_. +This Goddess, when a Woman, was called _Io_. She was the Daughter of +_Inachus_; and being beloved by _Jupiter_, was by him, to preserve her +from his Wife's Jealousy, turned into a Heifer, _Juno_ suspecting the +Fact, obtained this Heifer of her Husband, and set Argus to watch over +her. _Jupiter_ wanting to visit his old Friend, sent _Mercury_ to kill +_Argus_; in revenge of which, _Juno_ ordered a Gad-Bee to sting the +poor Heifer; which thereupon growing mad, ran to _Egypt_, where she +was again restored to the Shape of a Woman, and married to _Osiris_. +The Feast of _Isis_ was celebrated in _Rome_ ten Days together by the +Women, and was a time of Carnival among them.] + +[Footnote 15: In _Caesar's Forum_, which was built on the _Appian_ +Way, was the Temple of _Venus Genetrix_.] + +[Footnote 16: Races were run at _Rome_ in _April_ in the _Circus +Maximus_, which was likewise the Scene of many other public Exercises +and Shews.] + +[Footnote 17: _And when the Procession shall pass on with the Ivory +Deities, do you applaud most the Statue of _Lady_ Venus._ Thus the +Original. The Paraphrase preserves the same Sense, though in other +Circumstances. These Statues were carried in Procession on many +Occasions, particularly at the _Maegalesian_ Games.] + +[Footnote 18: _Adjusting her cushion._] + +[Footnote 19: _Putting a Foot-stool under her._] + +[Footnote 20: The Original mentioned the Fights of the _Gladiators_. +The Paraphrase comes as near as our Customs admit; for the _British_ +Ladies never attend to see Men kill one another in jest.] + +[Footnote 21: _Augustus Caesar_ among other rich Shews, with which he +entertained the People, exhibited to them a Sea-Fight in a Place dug +on purpose near the banks of the _Tyber_. The Poet takes this occasion +of introducing many Compliments to the Grandson of this Prince. We +have done little more than altered Names in this Place; and as we are +assured all here said is as properly applicable to the noble Person to +whom we have transferred it, the learned Reader will admire that any +Passage in an antient Author can be so apposite to the present Times, +and the true _English_ Reader will be no less delighted to see _Ovid_ +introduced as singing forth the Praises of the _British Hero_.] + +[Footnote 22: _Parthia._] + +[Footnote 23: The _Crassi_.] + +[Footnote 24: _Hercules._] + +[Footnote 25: _Bacchus._] + +[Footnote 26: The Original here described the many Nations who are led +Captives.] + +[Footnote 27: Here we have inverted the Original; but sure the Sense +upholds us in so doing.] + +[Footnote 28: _Baiae_, a Place not far from _Naples_, famous for +wholesome as well as pleasant Baths. It is described very largely by +_Diodorus_; and _Horace_ mentions it as the pleasantest Place in the +World.] + +[Footnote 29: In the Original, the Temple of _Diana_ in the Suburbs. +It stood in a Grove not far from Rome. The next Line, _Partaque per +gladios, &c._ alludes to a very singular Custom, by which the Priests +of this Temple succeeded to each other, _viz._ by Conquest in single +Combat, for which every Slave or Fugitive was admitted to contend, and +the Victor was rewarded with the Priesthood. This Practice was renewed +every Year, and was, as _Strabo_ informs us, originally taken from the +_Scythians_.] + +[Footnote 30: _Byblis_ fell in love with her Brother _Caunus_; and +upon his rejecting her Addresses, hanged herself. The Poets feign she +was afterwards turned into a Fountain. See _Metam._ IX.] + +[Footnote 31: _Myrrha_ was the Daughter of _Cinyras_, who being in +love with her Father, took an Opportunity, while her Mother was +employed in the Sacrifices to _Ceres_, to supply her Place. Her Father +discovering the Imposture, ran after her with a drawn Sword to kill +her: But she escaped by means of the Night, and fled into _Sabeaea_. +She was changed into the Myrrh-Tree. The Story of which is in _Metam._ +X. But though the Poets have subjoined Fable to this Fact, it is +related by _Pliny_ as a true History.] + +[Footnote 32: _Pasiphae_ was the Daughter of the Sun, married to +_Minos_ King of _Crete_. The Poets feign that being in love with a +Bull, she employed _Daedalus_, a famous Artist, to make her a wooden +Cow, into which she conveyed herself, in order to enjoy her monstrous +Desires. From this unnatural Coition sprung the _Minotaur_, a Monster +half Man and half Bull, which was enclosed in a Labyrinth, and +afterward destroyed by _Theseus_.] + +[Footnote 33: The Original alludes to the _Cretans_, who were famous +among the Antients for the Vice of lying.] + +[Footnote 34: _Europa_ was the Daughter of _Agenor_ King of _Cydon_, +beloved by _Jupiter_, and by him run away with in the Shape of a +Bull.] + +[Footnote 35: _AErope_ was the Wife of _Atreus_. She committed +Adultery with her Husband's Brother _Thyestes_, by whom she had two +Sons, whom _Atreus_ caused to be killed, and served up to his +Brother's Table. To avoid this Sight, the Sun is said to have gone +backward.] + +[Footnote 36: _Scylla_ the Daughter of _Nisus_, King of the +_Megarensians_, fell in love with _Minos_, while he was besieging her +Father's City. She stole away her Father's Hair, on which the Fate of +the City depended, and carried it to _Minos_; for which Fact she was +rewarded by her Lover with Contempt only. She is by some said to have +been changed into a Lark: But _Ovid_, who here seems to confound two +Stories together, makes her Transformation to have been into a Rock, +which lies between _Sicily_ and _Italy_; where the dashing of the +Waves against the Rock representing the Sound of the Barking of Dogs, +gave rise to the Fable which is here hinted at.] + +[Footnote 37: _Clytemnestra_, the Wife of _Agamemnon_, who in the +absence of her Husband committed Adultery with _AEgysthus_, and with +him afterwards murdered _Agamemnon_, at his Return from _Troy_.] + +[Footnote 38: _Creusa_ was the Daughter of _Creon_ King of _Corinth_, +and second Wife to _Jason_; to whom _Medea_, enraged with _Jason_, who +had forsaken her, sent a Casket in which Wild-Fire was inclosed, and +by which she was burnt as soon [as] it was opened. This _Medea_ +afterwards, on account of the same Anger with _Jason_, tore to pieces +her two Sons which she had bore to him.] + +[Footnote 39: This _Phoenix_ having incensed his Father, by lying with +a Woman who was beloved by the latter, fled to the Protection of +_Peleus_ the Father of _Achilles_, and was by bim [_sic_] Preceptor of +that young Hero.] + +[Footnote 40: _Hippolytus_ being beloved by his Stepmother _Phaedra_, +and refusing to gratify her Desires, was by her falsely accused to his +Father _Theseus_; upon which account he was obliged to fly, and the +Chariot Horses being frighted by Sea-Calves, dashed the Chariot +to-pieces, and him also.] + +[Footnote 41: _Phineus_ King of _Arcadia_, having repudiated his Wife +_Cleopatra_, married _Harpalice_; by whose Instigation he put out the +Eyes of his Sons: for which he was afterwards punished by Divine +Vengeance with the Loss of his own.] + +[Footnote 42: The _Romans_ paid a Religious Regard to their Birth-Day, +as appears from many Passages in their Poets. At this time they used +to receive Presents from their Relations and Acquaintance. We have +here given the Sense of the Original, only varying the Customs +(_Kalendae Martii_.) _Ovid_ advises the Lover to abstain from visiting +his Mistress in the Kalends of _March_. At which time the _Matronalia_ +were celebrated to _Juno Lucina_, and the Husbands used to pray to +that Goddess to protect the Chastity of their Wives. _Horace_ likewise +Lib. III. Ode 8. hints that this was not the proper Season for +Batchelors to give a Loose to their Gaieties. (_Sive erit ornatus +Circus_, &c.) A third Caution _Ovid_ gives, is not to visit on those +Days when the Wealth of the _Roman_ Conquests were exposed to the +_Circus_, in admiring which, as _Mycellus_ observes, the Girls were +too much taken up, to attend to the Desires of their Lovers. To say +the truth, some Custom seems to be alluded to here, which is not +sufficiently preserved from the Ruins of Antiquity.] + +[Footnote 43: _Then the _Pleiades_ are at hand. Then the Goat is +merged in the Sea_, _viz._ in the Month of _October_ and _November_.] + +[Footnote 44: The Original points at the Day in which the _Romans_ +were overthrown by the _Gauls_ on the Banks of the River _Allia_. This +was the 15th of the Kalends of _August. A. U. C._ 363, and it was +marked as a black Day in their Kalendar. As this Nation is too happy +to produce any such Day, we have been obliged to give it a different +Turn in our Paraphrase.] + +[Footnote 45: _Cydippe_ was a beautiful virgin of the island of +_Delos_. She was celebrating the Rites of _Diana_ when she was seen by +_Acontius_, who falling in love with her, and not daring openly to +declare his Passion, contrived to drop an Apple at her Feet, in which +were inclosed these two Lines: + + _I swear to you by the mystical Rites of _Diana_, + That I will attend you as a Companion, and become your Bride._ + +_Cydippe_ took up the Apple and read the Lines; by repeating which +words they became her own; and she was ignorantly betrothed to her +Lover: For it was a Law, that whatever any persons said in _Diana_'s +Temple, they were obliged to perform.] + +[Footnote 46: _Ariadne_ was the Daughter of _Minos_ King of _Crete_. +She fell in Love with _Theseus_, and with a Clew of Thread helped him +out of the Labyrinth into which he went to kill the _Minotaur_. He +afterwards basely deserted the poor Lady, of which our Poet will +presently tell the Story.] + +[Footnote 47: _Silenus_ was the Pedagogue of _Bacchus_, and his +Foster-Father: He was likewise his Companion on all Occasions; and is +often introduced in his drunken Mood by our Poet.] + +[Footnote 48: At this Wedding _Eurytion_ the _Centaur_ getting drunk, +attempted to ravish _Hippodamia_ the Bride of _Pyrithous_, but +_Theseus_ knocked his Brains out with a Bowl. Upon this a Battle +ensued between the _Centaurs_ and the _Lapithae_, who defending the +Cause of their Prince _Pyrithous_, destroyed almost all the +_Centaurs_. _Horace_ Lib. I. Ode 18. mentions this Story likewise, as +a Caution to Men not to be quarrelsome in their Cups.] + +[Footnote 49: Here and in many other Places, we have been obliged to +supply that Connection, which is greatly wanting in the Original.] + +[Footnote 50: _Phoebe_ and _Ilaira_ were two pretty Girls, the +Daughters of _Leucippus_, and by their Father betrothed to two +Brothers _Idas_ and _Lynceus_; but before the Celebration of their +Nuptials, were ravished by _Castor_ and _Pollux_. This ended in the +Death of _Castor_, by the Hands of _Lynceus_; and of _Lynceus_, by +_Pollux_, whose Death while _Idas_ was attempting to revenge, he was +struck dead by Thunder at the Feet of _Pollux_.] + +[Footnote 51: _Orion_ the _Theban_ was in Love with _Merope_ the +Daughter of _AEnopian_; but who this _Lyrice_ was, is not so plain, no +Mention being made of her in any other Place.] + +[Footnote 52: _Daphnis_ was the Son of _Mercury_; for his Love for +this _Nais_, we have here _Ovid_'s Authority.] + + + + +PUBLICATIONS OF THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + + +First Year (1946-47) + +Numbers 1-6 out of print. + + +Second Year (1947-1948) + +7. John Gay's _The Present State of Wit_ (1711); and a section on Wit +from _The English Theophrastus_ (1702). + +8. Rapin's _De Carmine Pastorali_, translated by Creech (1684). + +9. T. Hanmer's (?) _Some Remarks on the Tragedy of Hamlet_ (1736). + +10. Corbyn Morris' _Essay towards Fixing the True Standards of Wit, +etc._ (1744). + +11. Thomas Purney's _Discourse on the Pastoral_ (1717). + +12. Essays on the Stage, selected, with an Introduction by Joseph Wood +Krutch. + + +Third Year (1948-1949) + +13. Sir John Falstaff (pseud.), _The Theatre_ (1720). + +14. Edward Moore's _The Gamester_ (1753). + +15. John Oldmixon's _Reflections on Dr. Swift's Letter to Harley_ +(1712); and Arthur Mainwaring's _The British Academy_ (1712). + +16. Nevil Payne's _Fatal Jealousy_ (1673). + +17. Nicholas Rowe's _Some Account of the Life of Mr. William +Shakespeare_ (1709). + +18. "Of Genius," in _The Occasional Paper_, Vol. III, No. 10 (1719); +and Aaron Hill's Preface to _The Creation_ (1720). + + +Fourth Year (1949-1950) + +19. Susanna Centlivre's _The Busie Body_ (1709). + +20. Lewis Theobold's _Preface to The Works of Shakespeare_ (1734). + +21. Out of print. + +22. Samuel Johnson's _The Vanity of Human Wishes_ (1749) and Two +_Rambler_ papers (1750). + +23. John Dryden's _His Majesties Declaration Defended_ (1681). + +24. Out of print. + + +Fifth Year (1950-1951) + +25. Thomas Baker's _The Fine Lady's Airs_ (1709). + +26. Charles Macklin's _The Man of the World_ (1792). + +27. Out of print. + +28. John Evelyn's _An Apologie for the Royal Party_ (1659); and _A +Panegyric to Charles the Second_ (1661). + +29. Daniel Defoe's _A Vindication of the Press_ (1718). + +30. Essays on Taste from John Gilbert Cooper's _Letters Concerning +Taste_, 3rd edition (1757), & John Armstrong's _Miscellanies_ (1770). + + +Sixth Year (1951-1952) + +31. Thomas Gray's _An Elegy Wrote in a Country Church Yard_ (1751); +and _The Eton College Manuscript_. + +32. Prefaces to Fiction; Georges de Scudery's Preface to _Ibrahim_ +(1674), etc. + +33. Henry Gally's _A Critical Essay_ on Characteristic-Writings +(1725). + +34. Thomas Tyers' _A Biographical Sketch of Dr. Samuel Johnson_ +(1785). + +35. James Boswell, Andrew Erskine, and George Dempster. _Critical +Strictures on the New Tragedy of Elvira, Written by Mr. David Mallock_ +(1763). + +36. Joseph Harris's _The City Bride_ (1696). + + +Seventh Year (1952-1953) + +37. Thomas Morrison's _A Pindarick Ode on Painting_ (1767). + +38. John Phillips' _A Satyr Against Hypocrites_ (1655). + +39. Thomas Warton's _A History of English Poetry_. + +40. Edward Bysshe's _The Art of English Poetry_ (1708). + +41. Bernard Mandeville's _A Letter to Dion_ (1732). + +42. Prefaces to Four Seventeenth-Century Romances. + + +Eighth Year (1953-1954) + +43. John Baillie's _An Essay on the Sublime_ (1747). + +44. Mathias Casimire Sarbiewski's _The Odes of Casimire_, Translated by + G. Hils (1646). + +45. John Robert Scott's _Dissertation on the Progress of the Fine Arts_. + +46. Selections from Seventeenth Century Songbooks. + +47. Contemporaries of the _Tatler_ and _Spectator_. + +48. Samuel Richardson's Introduction to _Pamela_. + + +Ninth Year (1954-1955) + +49. Two St. Cecilia's Day Sermons (1696-1697). + +50. Hervey Aston's _A Sermon Before the Sons of the Clergy_, (1745). + +51. Lewis Maidwell's _An Essay upon the Necessity and Excellency of + Education_ (1705). + +52. Pappity Stampoy's _A Collection of Scotch Proverbs_ (1663). + +53. Urian Oakes' _The Soveraign Efficacy of Divine Providence_ (1682) + +54. Mary Davys' _Familiar Letters Betwixt a Gentleman and a Lady_ (1725). + + +Tenth Year (1955-1956) + +55. Samuel Say's _An Essay on the Harmony, Variety, and Power of + Numbers_ (1745). + +56. _Theologia Ruris, sive Schola & Scala Naturae_ (1686). + +57. Out of print. + +58. Eighteenth-Century Book Illustrations. + +59. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. I, Comedies, Part I. + +60. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. I, Comedies, Part II. + + +Eleventh Year (1956-1957) + +61. Elizabeth Elstob's _An Apology for the Study of Northern + Antiquities_ (1715). + +62. _Two Funeral Sermons_ (1635). + +63. _Parodies of Ballad Criticism_ (1711-1787). + +64. _Prefaces to Three Eighteenth-Century Novels_ (1708, 1751, 1797). + +65. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. II, Histories, Part I. + +66. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. II, Histories, Part II. + + +Twelfth Year (1957-1958) + +67. Henry Fielding's _The Voyages of Mr. Job Vinegar_ (1740). + +68. Elkanah Settle's _The Notorious Impostor_ (1692) and _Diego + Redivivus_ (1692). + +69. _An Historical View of the ... Political Writers in Great + Britain_ (1740). + +70. G.W., _Magazine_, or _Animadversions on the English Spelling_ (1703). + +71. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. III, Tragedies, Part I. + +72. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. III, Tragedies, Part II. + + +Thirteenth Year (1958-1959) + +73. Samuel Johnson's _Notes to Shakespeare_. Vol. III, Tragedies, Part III. + +74. _Seventeenth-Century Tales of the Supernatural_. + +75. John Joyne, _A Journal_ (1679). + +76. Andre Dacier, _Preface to Aristotle's Art of Poetry_ (1705). + +77-78. David Hartley, _Various Conjectures on the Perception, Motion, and + Generation of Ideas_ (1746). + + +Fourteenth Year (1959-1960) + +79. William Herbert, Third Earl of Pembroke's _Poems_ (1660). + +80. [P. Whalley's] _An Essay on the Manner of Writing History_ (1746). + +81. Two Burlesques of Lord Chesterfield's Letters _The Graces_ (1774). +_The Fine Gentleman's Etiquette_ (1776). + +82. Henry Fuseli's _Remarks on the Writings and Conduct of + J. J. Rousseau_ (1767). + +83. _Sawney and Colley_ (1742) and other Pope Pamphlets. + +84. Richard Savage's _An Author To Be Lett_ (1729). + + +Fifteenth Year (1960-1961) + +85-86. _Essays on the Theatre from Eighteenth-Century Periodicals._ + Selected, with an introduction, by John Loftis. [double issue] + +87. Daniel Defoe, _Of Captain Misson and his Crew_ (1728). Introduction by + Maximillian E. Novak. + +88. Samuel Butler, _Poems_. Selected, with an introduction, by + Alexander C. Spence. + +89. Henry Fielding, _Ovid's Art of Love_ (1760). Introduction by + Claude E. Jones. + +90. Henry Needier, _Works_ (1728). Selected, with an introduction, by + Marcia Allentuck. + + * * * * * + + +William Andrews Clark Memorial Library: University of California + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +_General Editors_ + +R. C. BOYS + University of Michigan + +RALPH COHEN + University of California, Los Angeles + +VINTON A. DEARING + University of California, Los Angeles + +LAWRENCE CLARK POWELL + Wm. Andrews Clark Memorial Library + +_Corresponding Secretary:_ MRS. EDNA C. DAVIS, Wm. Andrews Clark Memorial + Library + +The Society's purpose is to publish reprints (usually facsimile +reproductions) of rare seventeenth and eighteenth century works. All +income of the Society is devoted to defraying costs of publication and +mailing. + +Correspondence concerning subscriptions in the United States and +Canada should be addressed to the William Andrews Clark Memorial +Library, 2205 West Adams Boulevard, Los Angeles 18, California. +Correspondence concerning editorial matters may be addressed to any of +the general editors. The membership fee is $4.00 a year for +subscribers in the United States and Canada and 15/- for subscribers +in Great Britain and Europe. British and European subscribers should +address B.H. Blackwell, Broad Street, Oxford, England. + + +Publications for the fifteenth year (1960-1961) + +Six items, most of them from the following list, will be reprinted. + +Samuel Butler, _Poems_. Selected, with an introduction, by Alexander +C. Spence. + +Daniel Defoe, _Of Captain Misson and his Crew_ (1728). Introduction by +Maximillian E. Novak. + +_Eighteenth-Century Illustrations to The Faerie Queene._ Introduction +by Ralph Cohen. + +_Essays on the Theatre from Eighteenth-Century Periodicals._ Selected, +with an introduction, by John Loftis. [double issue] + +Henry Fielding, _Ovid's Art of Love_ (1760). Introduction by Claude E. +Jones. + +Francis Hutcheson, _Reflections on Laughter_ (1729). Introduction by +Scott Elledge. + +Henry Needier, _Works_ (1728). Selected, with an introduction, by +Marcia Allentuck. + + * * * * * + + +THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY + +_WILLIAM ANDREWS CLARK MEMORIAL LIBRARY_ + +2205 WEST ADAMS BOULEVARD, LOS ANGELES 18, CALIFORNIA + +Make check or money order payable to THE REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF +CALIFORNIA. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOVERS ASSISTANT, OR, NEW ART OF +LOVE*** + + +******* This file should be named 31036.txt or 31036.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/1/0/3/31036 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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