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diff --git a/30656.txt b/30656.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b0dc408 --- /dev/null +++ b/30656.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1205 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Purple Cow!, by Gelett Burgess + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Purple Cow! + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: December 12, 2009 [EBook #30656] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PURPLE COW! *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Anne Storer, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + Transcriber's Note: + Text within {xx} following ^ = text inserted above the line. + + + + + [Illustration: The Purple Cow!] + + Published by William Doxey, at the Sign of the Lark, San Francisco. + + Copyright. + + + + +The Lark Book I., Nos. 1-12, with Table of Contents and Press Comments; +bound in canvas, with a cover design (The Piping Faun) by Bruce Porter, +painted in three colors. Price, 3.00, post-paid. + + [Illustration: _THE LARK_ + _Book 1 Nos. 1-12_] + + +_NOTES ON THE BIRTH OF THE LARK_ + +_Boston Herald._--"The pictures and rhymes in _The Lark_ rank with +the most remarkable things done for children since the days of Mother +Goose." + +_Boston Budget._--"_The Lark_ is a reaction against the decadent spirit. +It is blithe, happy, full of the joy of life and the Greek within us--a +herald of the dawn of the new century." + +_Boston Commonwealth._--"Everything in _The Lark_ is clever--some, we +may be permitted to add, cleverer than the rest." + +_New York Critic._--"The faddists have produced some extraordinary +things in the way of literature, but nothing more freakish has made its +appearance in the last half-century than _The Lark_." + +_New York Tribune._--"It is perhaps one-fourth a monthly periodical and +three-fourths an escapade. _The Lark_ ought really to be called 'The +Goose.'" + +_New York Herald._--"The current number of _The Lark_ is, if possible, +more curious, more quaint, more preposterously humorous, and more +original than its predecessors. It is entirely unlike any other +publication." + +_Richmond Times._--"We do not understand upon what the editor of +_The Lark_ bases anticipation of interest and consequent demand." + +_Philadelphia Times._--"The young men who publish _The Lark_ have ideas +of their own. _The Lark_ is smart and funny in a way quite its own, and +it is also capable of serious flights and of musical notes clear enough +to be heard across the continent." + +_Cincinnati Commercial Gazette._--"The worst thing about it being that +it is all too brief." + +_Jersey City Chronicle._--"Every line in it is well worth perusal." + +_St. Paul Globe._--"_The Lark_ partakes of the prevalent temper of life +on the Pacific Coast, where the don't-care mood of the West takes an +especially sunny and cheerful turn, and life looks a bigger joke than +elsewhere in the Union." + +_St. Louis Mirror._--"_The Lark_ continues to be odd and ridiculous. Its +humor is quite unlike any other humor ever seen in this country. There +are good men with good pens working on _The Lark_." + +_Kansas City Star._--"_The Lark_ seems to have attained a distinction +hitherto considered impossible in the unconventional. It seems really +original. It succeeds in holding in captivity the unexpected." + +_Los Angeles: The Land of Sunshine._--"It is unlike anything nearer to +hand than 'Alice in Wonderland.'" + + +#Lark Posters.#--The full set of Eight Posters for THE LARK will be sent +post-paid for $2.00. The Lark Posters are printed from wooden blocks, +all but the first two having been cut by the artist. + + May, 1895 _The Piping Faun_ Bruce Porter + Aug., 1895 _Mother and Child_ Florence Lundborg + Nov., 1895 _Mt. Tamalpais_ Florence Lundborg + Feb., 1896 _Robin Hood_ Florence Lundborg + May, 1896 _The Oread_ Florence Lundborg + Aug., 1896 _Pan Pipes_ Florence Lundborg + Nov., 1896 _Redwood_ Florence Lundborg + Feb., 1897 _Sunrise_ Florence Lundborg + + +_Published by_ WM. DOXEY, _at the Sign of the Lark, San Francisco._ + + + + +CONTENTS + +DEDICATION. + + + 1. A LEGEND, Rare and Superfine, + Cribbed, some will say, from FRANKENSTEIN, + (It _is_ a little in that line). + + 2. MY FEET; a Memoir, with a Phase + Resembling some Equestrian Ways. + + 3. TH' INVISIBLE BRIDGE; a sort of Fable,-- + Please understand, if you're able. + + 4. THE RUNAWAY TRAIN; a weird Creation + Of Fancy and Imagination, + Meant for the Rising Generation. + + 5. On CITY FLORA, semi-culled + By one whose Fame was somewhat dulled. + + 6. ASTONISHMENT; depicting how + Peculiar is the Verdant Bough. + + 7. The PURPLE COW'S projected Feast; + Reflections on a Mythic Beast + That's quite Remarkable, at least. + + 8. MY HOUSE, and how I make MY BED; + A Nocturne for a Sleepy-Head. + + 9. On DIGITAL EXTREMITIES; + A Poem (and a gem it is!) + + 10. THE GOOP; constructed on a Plan + Beyond the Intellect of Man. + + 11. PARISIAN NECTAR for the Gods; + A little thick--but what's the odds? + + 12. THE FLYING HOUSE; a Narrative + Of Sanity comparative, + And nothing much declarative. + (_Permission of S. F. Examiner._) + + 13. The Story of the GIANT HORSE; + 'T is quite improbable, of course. + + 14. _WHAT_ SMITH _TRIED TO_ BELIEVE; a Study + That will appeal to anybuddy. + + 15. The TOWEL AND THE DOOR,--ah well! + I'll not attempt the Tale to tell. + + 16. The TOWEL AND THE DOOR again! + The Story's told--is it in vain? + + 17. The FOOTLESS FEAT of Mrs. Box + _Posteaque, fiat Nox!_ + + 18. And now, allow the PURPLE COW + To make her Bow. + + + + + TO THE + READERS OF "_THE LARK_" + WHO HAVE LAUGHED + THEY KNEW NOT WHY, + THESE INARTISTIC ABERRATIONS + ARE GRATEFULLY DEDICATED. + GELETT BURGESS + + + + +_THE PECULIAR HISTORY OF THE CHEWING-GUM MAN._ + + + O Willie, an' Wallie, an' Huldy Ann, + They went an' built a big CHEWIN'-GUM MAN: + It was none o' your teenty little dots, + With pinhole eyes an' pencil-spots; + But this was a terribul big one--well, + 'T was a'most as high as the Palace Hotel! + _It took 'em a year to chew the gum!!_ + And Willie he done it all, 'cept some + That Huldy got her ma to chew, + By the time the head was ready to do. + + * * * * * + + Well, Willie he chewed it for days 'n' days; + They brung it to him in gret big drays; + An' fast as he got it good an' soft, + Then Wallie he come and carried it oft. + Then he'd roll it into a gret big ball, + _An' he made a-more'n a MILLION in all!_ + Then Huldy Ann she spanked 'em flat + An' pinched an' poked, an' the like o' that, + Till she got it inter a gret big hunk-- + My! didn't Huldy have the spunk! + And then she sliced one end half-way + To make the laigs ('cause they never stay + When you stick 'em on in a seprit piece-- + Seems like the ends was made o' grease); + And she slit an arm right up each side,-- + I couldn't a done it if I'd a tried! + O' course, her brothers they helped her, though, + An' rolled the arms an' laigs out, so + They all was smooth with roundin' bends + An' _chopped_ the fingers inter the ends! + An' when their mother had chewn the head, + She went an' _stuck_ it on, instead! + + An' then, when the man was almost done, + They had an awful lots o' fun. + A-walkin' down his stummick was best + To make the buttons onter his vest! + They struck big cartwheels in him for eyes; + His eyes was both tremendous size; + His nose was a barrel--an' then beneath + They used a ladder, to make his teeth! + An' when he was layin' acrost the street + Along come their daddy, as white 's a sheet,-- + He was skeert half outer his wits, I guess, + An' he didn't know whatter make o' the mess,-- + But Huldy she up an' begun to coax + To have him down town, to skeer the folks! + So her dad he grabbed him offen the street, + An' Willie an' Wallie they took his feet, + An' they dragged him clean down to the Cogswell fountain, + An' stood him up as big as a mountain! + You'd orter seen him a-standin' there, + A-straddlin' Market street in the air! + + Well, he stood up straight for a week 'n' a half + An' the folks, Gee! didn't they yell 'n' laff: + The boys clum up his laigs quite bold-- + The gum was so soft they got good hold; + The cars run under him day an' night, + An' the people come miles to see the sight! + Well, after he'd stayed as stiff 's a post, + With his head on top o' the roofts almost, + The sun come outer the fog one day + An'--well, I guess you can see the way + That gret big feller begun to melt;-- + _Imagine how Willie and Wallie felt!_ + For first he cocked his head out some, + An' when the heat got inter the gum + He slowly waved his arms ahead + An' slanted forred, just like he was dead! + + [Illustration] + + An' all day long he leaned an' bent + Till all expected he would have went + An' pitched right over. They roped the street + To keep the crowd away from his feet. + I tell yer he was a sight; my soul! + Twicet as high as a telegraft pole, + Wavin' his arms an' slumpin' his feet + An' a-starin' away down Market street. + + Then, what did I tell yer--that blame old head + Their mother had made a-seprit, instead,-- + It fell right off an' squashed a horse! + ('T was so soft, it didn't _kill_ him, o' course.) + When his hands got so they touched the ground + A hundred policemen they come around; + They stuck a cable-car to his feet, + An' one to his head, a goin' up street, + An' then they pulled him opposite ways, + An' they pulled him for days 'n' days 'n' days, + An' they drored him out so slim an' small + That he reached a _mile 'n' a half_, in all. + + An' that was the end o' the CHEWIN'-GUM MAN + For Willie, an' Wallie, an' Huldy Ann. + They come along with an ax next day, + An' chopped him up, and guv him away. + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + My Feet they haul me 'round the House; + They hoist me up the Stairs; + I only have to steer them and + They ride me everywheres. + + + + + [Illustration] + + I'd never dare to walk across + A Bridge I could not see, + For quite afraid of falling off + I fear that I should be! + + + + +_ADULT'S DEPARTMENT:_ + + + Oh, Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane! + They run away with a Railroad Train! + 'T was Wallie got up the ridiculous plan,-- + 'T was most as good as the Chewin'-Gum Man! + Wallie is terribul funny--My! + He can make up a face that would make you die, + An' when Pinkie Jane come down to the city + He tried to show off, for she's awful pretty. + So they all went over across the Bay, + To have a picnic, and spend the day. + At Sixteenth Street they got off the cars + A-grinnin' an' giggling so,--My Stars! + A Enormus Crowd begun to collect, + But nobuddy knew just what to expect. + Then up the track come a little spot, + An' nearer and nearer and NEARER it got, + And Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane + Stood right in the road of the Overland Train!!! + The folks on the platform begun to yell, + "_Look out!--get off!!_" an' the engine bell + + [Illustration] + + +_THE RUNAWAY TRAIN_: + + Was ringin' like mad,--but them children stood + As calm as if they was made of wood! + And a great big fat man yelled,--"_Oh Golly! + For Heaven's sakes, just look at Wallie!_" + As the train came thunderin' down the rail, + The wimmin all turned terribul pale. + But Wallie he stood there, stiff 's a soldier, + An' then (you remember what I told yer) + He made up a horribul face,--and whack! + He SCARED THE ENGINE RIGHT OFF'N THE TRACK! + An' the train jumped forreds an' squirmed around, + A-wrigglin' an' jigglin' over the ground; + And all the people they had to git, + For the blame old engine it had a fit! + But when the train got onto the track, + Them children they clum right onto its back, + And they tickled it so that all to once + It gave 'em a lot of shivers an' grunts, + And it humped itself way up in the air, + And p'raps it didn't give them a scare! + + [Illustration] + + +_AN IMPOSSIBLE EPIC_: + + Then it puffed an' puffed, a-faster an' faster, + While Wallie sat there like an old school-master, + A-drivin' that train till, I tell you what! + You no idea what a nerve he's got! + Willie he held on to Wallie, an' Jane + Held onto Willie with might and main. + Then they hitched along, like an old inch-worm, + With now a spazzum, and then a squirm; + But Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane, + They soon got sick o' that Railroad train! + But when they crawled to the last end car + To jump on the ground, where it wasn't far, + They got a heap worse off, instead, + For that nasty train, it stood on its head! + An' they all yelled, "Telegraft Huldy Ann, + And make her come as quick as she can. + We can't get off. Oh, hurry up, please! + What would we do if the thing should sneeze?" + + [Illustration] + + +_SEQUEL TO THE CHEWING-GUM MAN_ + + I tell yer them children was in a fix + While that mad engine was doin' his tricks. + But the messenger-boy found Huldy Ann, + An' she said, "I'm glad that I ain't a man! + I'll show 'em how!" an' she crossed the Bay, + An' she see in a wink where the trouble lay. + An' she said, "You go, an' you telegraft back + For a load o' candy to block the track!" + An' when they sent it, she piled it high + With chocolate caramels, good ones,--My! + Peppermint drops and cocoanut cream, + Till it looked too good for a Christmas dream! + And the sun it melted and finished the job + Into one great elegant sticky gob! + So the train run into it lickety-split, + An' the cow-catcher stuck, when the engine hit,-- + An' the tail o' the train flew up and threw + Them children into that caramel goo! + They fell clear in,--way over their head, + But Ann eat 'em out, an' sent 'em to bed! + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + There is a Theory some deny, + That Lamp Posts once were three foot high, + And a Little Boy was terrible strong, + And he stretched 'em out to 'leven foot long! + + + + + [Illustration] + + I picked some Leaves from off a Tree, + And then I nearly Fainted: + For somehow it Astonished me + To find they'd All been Painted! + + + + + [Illustration] + + I never saw a PURPLE COW, I never HOPE to see one; + But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather SEE than BE one! + + + + + [Illustration] + + My House is made of Graham Bread, + Except the ceiling 's made of White; + Of Angel Cake I make my Bed; + I eat my Pillow every night! + + [Illustration] + + I'd rather have Fingers than Toes; + I'd rather have Ears than a Nose; + And as for my Hair, + I'm glad it's all there, + I'll be awfully sad when it goes! + + + + + [Illustration] + + Now you are what I call a GOOP! + A Co-tangent harmonious Loop + You appear to be facing due South + But O what have you done with your Mouth? + + + + + [Illustration] + + Many People seem to Think + Plaster o' Paris good to Drink: + Though conducive unto Quiet + I prefer another Diet! + + + + + [Illustration] + +THE:FLYING:HOUSE + +Written and Illustrated by GELETT:BURGESS + + + O Willie an' Wallie, you better believe, + They had a circus on Christmas Eve + With Huldy Ann an' Pinkie Jane-- + The folks imagined they'd went insane! + Them twins had an awfully narrow shave-- + They nearly was killt, for they wouldn't behave! + Huldy's a winner! She hatched the scheme + On the day before Christmas; an' that there team-- + That Willie an' Wallie--they worked like mad-- + You've no idea what a time they had! + 'Twas the day before Christmas, at half-past three, + When Huldy she up an' she says, says she: + "You Willie an' Wallie, you go in the yard + An' get that windmill--it won't be hard-- + An' bring it an' put it on top of the house, + An' don't make no more noise than a mouse! + 'For I know something I won't tell, + Nine little niggers in a peanut shell!'" + Well, the twins they knew when she said that, + Huldy wa' n't talkin' much through her hat. + So they worked an' they tugged for more 'n an hour, + 'Till they got that windmill off'n the tower; + An' they hauled it up to the roof with ropes, + Way on the ridgepole, 'tween the slopes. + + [Illustration] + + [Illustration] + + They was almost dead, it tired 'em so, + An' Will druv a splinter into his toe! + An' all this time both Pinkie Jane + An' Huldy was workin' with might an' main, + A-shuttin' the doors, an' the windows too, + An' stoppin' up cracks where the leaks come through. + An' when it was tight, she slipped inside + An' turned the gas on good an' wide! + An' she screamed, "Look out that you don't get smothered: + Climb up on the roof where I won't be bothered!" + + When the house filled up with the gas inside, + It trembled an' jiggled from side to side; + An' when the gas filled it good an' full + The ole foundations began to pull; + Then Huldy she pushed it a little mite, + An' the house riz up in the air all right! + An' it riz an' riz like a ole balloon. + An' Ann got aboard of it none too soon; + For it flew away off up into the sky + With her holdin' on by her hands--Oh my! + But she clum on top, an' you'd oughter have seen + Them workin' that wheel like a flyin' machine! + Well, after they'd flew an hour or so + They came to a mountain all covered with snow, + An' there on the top they happened to see + A enermous great big Christmas tree! + Then Huldy steered 'em over the top, + An' they let down an anchor to make 'em stop; + An' Willie an' Wallie they yelled with glee, + An' jumped right into that Christmas tree! + They let down a ladder for them two girls + That didn't darst jump for spoilin' their curls! + They was toys an' games an' wagons an' dolls, + All trimmed with tinsel an' fol-de-rols! + For Santa Claus had just drove away, + An' Wallie he said that he seen the sleigh! + Well, when they'd eat all the candy they could, + They loaded their house with things up good. + (But they hurried for fear that the old man'd come back + An' catch 'em an' give 'em a larrupin' whack!) + Then they got on the roof, an' they cut the string + An' away they flew like everything! + + [Illustration] + + The twins worked the wheel an' Huldy steered, + An' Pinkie clung tight--she was awfully skeered: + They got back home at half-past six, + But, oh! they got into a nawful fix! + For just as they sunk the house gave a lurch + An' they landed right on top of a church! + An' they punched a hole through the roof with the steeple, + To the great amazement of all of the people! + An' the toys fell out of that house in the air, + An' all the children in the town was there. + So every one got a present again + 'Cept Willie an' Wallie an' Huldy an' Jane-- + An' it served 'em right, don't you think? because + They'd stolen the presents from Santa Clause. + + [Illustration] + + + + + [Illustration] + + Once there was a GIANT HORSE, + That walked through all the Town, + A-stepping into all the Roofs, + And Smashing Houses down! + + + + + [Illustration] + +WHAT:SMITH:TRIED:TO:BELIEVE _refused by_ ST NICHOLAS, BIBELOT, +NEW:REVIEW, POLYNESIAN:MONITOR _and_ SAN FRANCISCO:CLIMAX + +Well, I come home late that night, near one o'clock, I reckon, and I +undressed in the dark as per usual. When I gut into bed I thot it felt +as tho sumbuddy hed bin there, and when I kicked out my leg sure enough +there was sumbuddy there. Well, I thot Rats, what's the difference; I'll +go to sleep, it's only a man. But I kinder could'nt sleep, so I got up +and lit a cigaroot, and I saw the feller that was in bed with me wos +dead. Well, I thot Rats, what's the difference, he wont git over to my +side of the bed anyway; so I turned over and went to sleep. Well, I +fired my cigaroot in ther paper-basket and went to sleep. Well, after +a while I thot I smealed smoke, and it wasn't cigaroot smoke, but the +basket was all afire, and burning like a editor's soul after death. +Well, I thot Rats, what's the difference. Well, it looked so bright and +comfortable I thot I'd get up and read. By this time one corner of the +room was goin' like 4 o'clock, and it was nice and warm. After I'd read +about ten minits, it got so hot I cuddent stand it, and I got up and +went into ther next room. Well, I thot Rats, what's the difference. +Well, in about a hour there was a big crowd outside of the house, and +they was all yellin' Fire to beat the band. I looked out er winder. +Jump, says the fireman, and I jumped. Then I walked off, and a feller +says, says he, "You blame fool, you've bruk yer leg." Well, I thot Rats, +what's the difference? + + + + + [Illustration] + + The Towel hangs upon the Wall, + And, somehow, I don't care at all! + + The Door is open;--I must say + I rather fancy it that Way! + + [Illustration] + + ,llaW eht nopu sgnah lewoT ehT + !lla ta erac t'nod I, wohemos,dnA + + yas tsum I--;nepo si rooD ehT + !yaW taht ti ycnaf rehtar I + + + + +_THE SOLES OF THE UNFORTUNATES._ + + +Likkery had but one leg[A] when I married him.[B] I did not realize what +this meant {it meant 41 right-foot shoes [for he was extravagant (and I +was economical[C]) to a degree] in his dressing closet} until he died. + + {I could not bear to throw + {them away. + { + {The clerks asserted that all + {their one-legged right-footed + I could not get rid of them {customers wore + {large sizes.[D] + { + {There were not weddings + {enough to throw them all + {after the carriages. + + +Chapter II. + +[Sidenote: Mr. Silk _WAS_ a two-legged gentleman.] + +My second marriage WOULD have been happy, but my husband met with a +distressing accident, which necessitated an amputation ^{of his right +leg} of his wrong leg. So the collection increased. + +In spite of all my precautions, Mr. Silk's shoes would often be left +pointing toward the bed.[E] How I suffered! At last Mr. Silk died. The +day after the funeral, I made a procession of all the shoes-- + + ORDER: + 1. Patent leathers + 2. Brogans + 3. Bluchers (small) + 4. Bluchers (large) + 5. Tan shoes + 6. Slippers (carpet) + 7. Congresses + 8. Riding boots + 9. Pumps + +Sixty-two right-foot shoes, ^{toe to heel,} they reached from my +bedroom[F] to the stairs. + +I was in despair when a small-footed man named Box proposed to me. I +looked at his feet and accepted him. (I was sure the shoes would fit.) + + * * * * * + +As soon as he was asleep I approached his prostrate form (my axe was +sharp {I ground it myself} and my mind was set). + +Sixty-two soles inspired me.[G] I struck the blow!--Then the HORROR of +my deed seized me. The rest is too awful! + + +NOTE: I had cut off the wrong foot! + + + [A] Left leg. + + [B] Fool that I was. + + [C] For he could get a pair at the same price as a single shoe. + + [D] Likkery wore No. 3's. + + [E] It is a common superstition among children that this encourages bad + dreams. + + [F] Bay-window. + + [G] I was determined they should at last be worn out. + + + + + [Illustration] + + Ah, yes, I wrote the "Purple Cow"-- + I'm Sorry, now, I wrote it; + But I can tell you Anyhow + I'll Kill you if you Quote it! + + + + +The Lark Book II., Nos. 13-24, with Table of Contents and EPILARK; bound +in canvas, with cover design (Pan Pipes) by Florence Lundborg, painted +in three colors. Price, 3.00, post-paid. + + [Illustration: Book II--Nos. 13-24] + + +_NOTES ON THE PASSING OF THE LARK_ + +_Literary Review._--"Its ways were ways of pleasantness, and all its +paths were peace. It had no enemies and all its friends were true ones. +We see it go with a real regret and a feeling that we could have better +spared a better paper."--CAROLYN WELLS. + +_New York Times._--"Regret moderately deep and thoroughly sincere will +be felt all over the country, at the announcement that _The Lark_ has +ceased publication. A considerable number of people could see no humor +and less meaning in its songs, but thousands of others had keener eyes +and ears, and looked and listened with delight." + +_Cincinnati Commercial Tribune._--"_The Lark_ is dead, and the _Epilark_ +has come and gone, leaving behind them only a haunting echo of joyous +song and a love of living delicious to contemplate." + +_St. Paul Daily Globe._--"But the mood in which we turn the Japanese +pages of the last _Lark_ is anything but flippant. It is something to +have known youth and gayety, enthusiasm and a bravery which flies in the +face of day, and now--something to have lost them. _The Lark_ has lived +and now dies well, and, to some at least, the time of its irregular +appearance will no longer be a red-letter day." + +_The Philosopher._--"And now _The Lark_ announces its end. It was the +freshest, purest breath of air that ever blew across the atmosphere of +letters." + +_London Times._--"So unique in literature and illustration, we are sorry +to note that its publication is to be suspended. The bound volumes for +the two years it has been running deserve a place in the libraries of +all lovers of the odd and advanced in literature." + +_Paragraphs._--"No more shall its cool notes delight the tree-tops, and +no longer may we follow in the footsteps of Vivette. It is a pity, of +course; but what can you expect? Larks must be fed, and--no one thinks +of feeding them." + +_Trenton Tribune._--"Its clever foolery shows how big a void was created +when _The Lark_ decided to sing no more. _The Lark_ was the one new +thing in junior magazinedom that did not outlive its welcome." + +_St. Louis Mirror._--"It smacked of Robert Louis Stevenson. It was +'Alice in Wonderland' in picture. It was art through a crazy +looking-glass. It was the realism of nonsense. The whole country laughed +at the strange pictures with the brilliantly unintelligible verses. But +much of it was not understood of the people who need diagrams. _The +Lark_ was always too high in the blue for the many; but for those who +might mount with him or to him--for those the magazinelet was published. +Those enjoyed it; and now they regret it--for _The Lark_ is no more. It +was so original that its death is its only unoriginality." + + +#The Lark Almanac for 1899:# + +Being a collection of vagaries from THE LARK, with original designs by +Porter Garnett; uniform in size with "The Purple Cow." Price, 50c. + + +_Published by_ WM. DOXEY, _at the Sign of the Lark, San Francisco_ + + + + + "Who'll be the Clerk!" + "I!" said _THE LARK_. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Purple Cow!, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PURPLE COW! *** + +***** This file should be named 30656.txt or 30656.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/6/5/30656/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Anne Storer, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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