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diff --git a/30656-h/30656-h.htm b/30656-h/30656-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a2a5a40 --- /dev/null +++ b/30656-h/30656-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1535 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Purple Cow! by Gelett Burgess. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[*/ + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h2 { text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .box {width: 600px; + margin: 0 auto; + text-align: center; + padding: 1em; + border-style: none;} + + .box1 {width: 400px; + margin: 0 auto; + text-align: center; + padding: 1em; + border-style: none;} + + .pagenum { visibility: hidden; + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + + .sidenote {width: 20%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em; margin-left: 1em; + float: left; clear: left; margin-top: 1em; + font-size: smaller; color: black;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + a { text-decoration: none; } + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 75%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + /*]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Purple Cow!, by Gelett Burgess + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Purple Cow! + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: December 12, 2009 [EBook #30656] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PURPLE COW! *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Anne Storer, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 407px;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="407" height="600" alt="Cover" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> + +<div class="box1"> +<div class="figright" style="width: 70px;"> +<img src="images/i002.png" width="70" height="100" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p><span style="font-size: 1.5em;"><strong>The Lark Book I., Nos. 1-12,</strong></span><br /> +with Table of Contents and Press +Comments; bound in canvas, with +a cover design (The Piping Faun) by +Bruce Porter, painted in three colors. +Price, 3.00, post-paid.</p> + +<hr style='width: 95%;' /> + +<p class="center"><em><strong>NOTES ON THE BIRTH OF THE LARK</strong></em></p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Boston Herald.</em>—“The pictures and rhymes in <em>The Lark</em> +rank with the most remarkable things done for children since the +days of Mother Goose.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Boston Budget.</em>—“<em>The Lark</em> is a reaction against the +decadent spirit. It is blithe, happy, full of the joy of life and +the Greek within us—a herald of the dawn of the new century.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Boston Commonwealth.</em>—“Everything in <em>The Lark</em> is +clever—some, we may be permitted to add, cleverer than the rest.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>New York Critic.</em>—“The faddists have produced some extraordinary +things in the way of literature, but nothing more freakish has made +its appearance in the last half-century than <em>The Lark</em>.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>New York Tribune.</em>—“It is perhaps one-fourth a monthly periodical +and three-fourths an escapade. <em>The Lark</em> ought really to be called +‘The Goose.’”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>New York Herald.</em>—“The current number of <em>The Lark</em> is, +if possible, more curious, more quaint, more preposterously humorous, +and more original than its predecessors. It is entirely unlike any +other publication.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Richmond Times.</em>—“We do not understand upon what the editor of +<em>The Lark</em> bases anticipation of interest and consequent demand.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Philadelphia Times.</em>—“The young men who publish <em>The Lark</em> +have ideas of their own. <em>The Lark</em> is smart and funny in a way +quite its own, and it is also capable of serious flights and of musical +notes clear enough to be heard across the continent.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.</em>—“The worst thing about it being +that it is all too brief.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Jersey City Chronicle.</em>—“Every line in it is well worth perusal.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>St. Paul Globe.</em>—“<em>The Lark</em> partakes of the prevalent temper +of life on the Pacific Coast, where the don’t-care mood of the West takes +an especially sunny and cheerful turn, and life looks a bigger joke than +elsewhere in the Union.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>St. Louis Mirror.</em>—“<em>The Lark</em> continues to be odd and +ridiculous. Its humor is quite unlike any other humor ever seen in this +country. There are good men with good pens working on <em>The Lark</em>.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Kansas City Star.</em>—“<em>The Lark</em> seems to have attained a +distinction hitherto considered impossible in the unconventional. It +seems really original. It succeeds in holding in captivity the +unexpected.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Los Angeles: The Land of Sunshine.</em>—“It is unlike anything nearer +to hand than ‘Alice in Wonderland.’”</p> + +<hr style='width: 95%;' /> + +<p><span style="font-size: 1.5em;"><strong>Lark Posters.</strong></span>—The +full set of Eight Posters for <span class="smcap">The Lark</span> will be +sent post-paid for $2.00. The Lark Posters are printed from wooden blocks, +all but the first two having been cut by the artist.</p> + +<div style='font-size: .8em;' class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr> <td align='left'>May,</td> <td align='left'>1895</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>The Piping Faun</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Bruce Porter</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Aug.,</td> <td align='left'>1895</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Mother and Child</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Nov.,</td> <td align='left'>1895</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Mt. Tamalpais</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Feb.,</td> <td align='left'>1896</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Robin Hood</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>May,</td> <td align='left'>1896</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>The Oread</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Aug.,</td> <td align='left'>1896</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Pan Pipes</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Nov.,</td> <td align='left'>1896</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Redwood</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>Feb.,</td> <td align='left'>1897</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'><em>Sunrise</em></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>Florence Lundborg</td> </tr> +</table></div> + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;" class="center"><em>Published by</em> <span class="smcap">Wm. Doxey</span>, <em>at the Sign of +the Lark, San Francisco.</em></p> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="box"> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<p class="center"><a href="#dedication">DEDICATION.</a></p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_6">1.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">A</span> LEGEND, Rare and Superfine,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Cribbed,</span> some will say, from FRANKENSTEIN,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">(It</span> <em>is</em> a little in that line).</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_10">2.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">MY</span> FEET; a Memoir, with a Phase<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Resembling</span> some Equestrian Ways.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_11">3.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">TH’</span> INVISIBLE BRIDGE; a sort of Fable,—<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Please</span> understand, if you’re able.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_12">4.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">THE</span> RUNAWAY TRAIN; a weird Creation<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of</span> Fancy and Imagination,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Meant</span> for the Rising Generation.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_16">5.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">On</span> CITY FLORA, semi-culled<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">By</span> one whose Fame was somewhat dulled.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_17">6.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">ASTONISHMENT;</span> depicting how<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Peculiar</span> is the Verdant Bough.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_18">7.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">The</span> PURPLE COW’S projected Feast;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Reflections</span> on a Mythic Beast<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">That’s</span> quite Remarkable, at least.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_20">8.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">MY</span> HOUSE, and how I make MY BED;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A</span> Nocturne for a Sleepy-Head.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><a href="#Page_21">9.</a></span> + <span style="margin-left: .5em;">On</span> DIGITAL EXTREMITIES;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A</span> Poem (and a gem it is!)</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_22">10.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">THE</span> GOOP; constructed on a Plan<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Beyond</span> the Intellect of Man.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_23">11.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">PARISIAN</span> NECTAR for the Gods;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A</span> little thick—but what’s the odds?</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_24">12.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">THE</span> FLYING HOUSE; a Narrative<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Of</span> Sanity comparative,<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And</span> nothing much declarative.<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 6em;">(<em>Permission of S. F. Examiner.</em>)</span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_29">13.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">The</span> Story of the GIANT HORSE;<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">’T</span> is quite improbable, of course.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_30">14.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;"><em>WHAT</em></span> SMITH <em>TRIED TO</em> BELIEVE; a Study<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">That</span> will appeal to anybuddy.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_31">15.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">The</span> TOWEL AND THE DOOR,—ah well!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">I’ll</span> not attempt the Tale to tell.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_32">16.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">The</span> TOWEL AND THE DOOR again!<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The</span> Story’s told—is it in vain?</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_33">17.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">The</span> FOOTLESS FEAT of Mrs. Box<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;"><em>Posteaque, fiat Nox!</em></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 8em;"> +<a href="#Page_34">18.</a> <span style="margin-left: .5em;">And</span> now, allow the PURPLE COW<br /> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To</span> make her Bow.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> + +<p><a name="dedication" id="dedication"></a></p> +<p style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 2em;" class="center">TO THE<br /> +READERS OF “<em>THE LARK</em>”<br /> +WHO HAVE LAUGHED<br /> +THEY KNEW NOT WHY,<br /> +THESE INARTISTIC ABERRATIONS<br /> +ARE GRATEFULLY DEDICATED.<br /> +GELETT BURGESS</p> + +<p> </p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="500" height="125" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p> +<h2><em>THE PECULIAR HISTORY OF THE</em><br /> +<em>CHEWING-GUM MAN.</em></h2> + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 91px; margin-top: -.5em; margin-left: 7em;"> +<img src="images/i002.jpg" width="91" height="100" alt="O" title="" /> +</div> +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +WILLIE, an’ Wallie, an’ Huldy Ann,<br /> +They went an’ built a big CHEWIN’-GUM MAN:<br /> +It was none o’ your teenty little dots,<br /> +With pinhole eyes an’ pencil-spots;<br /> +But this was a terribul big one—well,<br /> +’T was a’most as high as the Palace Hotel!<br /> +<em>It took ’em a year to chew the gum!!</em><br /> +And Willie he done it all, ’cept some<br /> +That Huldy got her ma to chew,<br /> +By the time the head was ready to do.</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Well, Willie he chewed it for days ’n’ days;<br /> +They brung it to him in gret big drays;<br /> +An’ fast as he got it good an’ soft,<br /> +Then Wallie he come and carried it oft.<br /> +Then he’d roll it into a gret big ball,<br /> +<em>An’ he made a-more’n a MILLION in all!</em><br /> +Then Huldy Ann she spanked ’em flat<br /> +An’ pinched an’ poked, an’ the like o’ that,<br /> +Till she got it inter a gret big hunk—<br /> +My! didn’t Huldy have the spunk!<br /> +And then she sliced one end half-way<br /> +To make the laigs (’cause they never stay<br /> +When you stick ’em on in a seprit piece—<br /> +Seems like the ends was made o’ grease);<br /> +And she slit an arm right up each side,—<br /> +I couldn’t a done it if I’d a tried!<br /> +O’ course, her brothers they helped her, though,<br /> +An’ rolled the arms an’ laigs out, so<br /> +They all was smooth with roundin’ bends<br /> +An’ <em>chopped</em> the fingers inter the ends!<br /> +An’ when their mother had chewn the head,<br /> +She went an’ <em>stuck</em> it on, instead!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +An’ then, when the man was almost done,<br /> +They had an awful lots o’ fun.<br /> +A-walkin’ down his stummick was best<br /> +To make the buttons onter his vest!<br /> +They struck big cartwheels in him for eyes;<br /> +His eyes was both tremendous size;<br /> +His nose was a barrel—an’ then beneath<br /> +They used a ladder, to make his teeth!<br /> +An’ when he was layin’ acrost the street<br /> +Along come their daddy, as white ’s a sheet,—<br /> +He was skeert half outer his wits, I guess,<br /> +An’ he didn’t know whatter make o’ the mess,—<br /> +But Huldy she up an’ begun to coax<br /> +To have him down town, to skeer the folks!<br /> +So her dad he grabbed him offen the street,<br /> +An’ Willie an’ Wallie they took his feet,<br /> +An’ they dragged him clean down to the Cogswell fountain,<br /> +An’ stood him up as big as a mountain!<br /> +You’d orter seen him a-standin’ there,<br /> +A-straddlin’ Market street in the air!</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Well, he stood up straight for a week ’n’ a half<br /> +An’ the folks, Gee! didn’t they yell ’n’ laff:<br /> +The boys clum up his laigs quite bold—<br /> +The gum was so soft they got good hold;<br /> +The cars run under him day an’ night,<br /> +An’ the people come miles to see the sight!<br /> +Well, after he’d stayed as stiff ’s a post,<br /> +With his head on top o’ the roofts almost,<br /> +The sun come outer the fog one day<br /> +An’—well, I guess you can see the way<br /> +That gret big feller begun to melt;—<br /> +<em>Imagine how Willie and Wallie felt!</em><br /> +For first he cocked his head out some,<br /> +An’ when the heat got inter the gum<br /> +He slowly waved his arms ahead<br /> +An’ slanted forred, just like he was dead!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i003.jpg" width="500" height="511" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +An’ all day long he leaned an’ bent<br /> +Till all expected he would have went<br /> +An’ pitched right over. They roped the street<br /> +To keep the crowd away from his feet.<br /> +I tell yer he was a sight; my soul!<br /> +Twicet as high as a telegraft pole,<br /> +Wavin’ his arms an’ slumpin’ his feet<br /> +An’ a-starin’ away down Market street.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +Then, what did I tell yer—that blame old head<br /> +Their mother had made a-seprit, instead,—<br /> +It fell right off an’ squashed a horse!<br /> +(’T was so soft, it didn’t <em>kill</em> him, o’ course.)<br /> +When his hands got so they touched the ground<br /> +A hundred policemen they come around;<br /> +They stuck a cable-car to his feet,<br /> +An’ one to his head, a goin’ up street,<br /> +An’ then they pulled him opposite ways,<br /> +An’ they pulled him for days ’n’ days ’n’ days,<br /> +An’ they drored him out so slim an’ small<br /> +That he reached a <em>mile ’n’ a half</em>, in all.</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +An’ that was the end o’ the CHEWIN’-GUM MAN<br /> +For Willie, an’ Wallie, an’ Huldy Ann.<br /> +They come along with an ax next day,<br /> +An’ chopped him up, and guv him away.</p> + +<p> </p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i004.jpg" width="500" height="295" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 5em; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>My Feet they haul me ’round the House;</em><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>They hoist me up the Stairs;</em></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i005.jpg" width="500" height="511" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p style="margin-left: 5em; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I only have to steer them and</em><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>They ride me everywheres.</em></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 5em; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I’d never dare to walk across</em><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>A Bridge I could not see,</em></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i006.jpg" width="500" height="609" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p style="margin-left: 5em; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>For quite afraid of falling off</em><br /> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;"><em>I fear that I should be!</em></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p> + +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;"><em>ADULT’S DEPARTMENT:</em></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 96px; margin-left: 7em; margin-top: -.5em;"> +<img src="images/i007.jpg" width="96" height="100" alt="O" title="" /> +</div> +<p style="margin-left: 9em;"> +H, WILLIE and Wallie and Pinkie Jane!<br /> +They run away with a Railroad Train!<br /> +’T was Wallie got up the ridiculous plan,—<br /> +’T was most as good as the Chewin’-Gum Man!<br /> +Wallie is terribul funny—My!<br /> +He can make up a face that would make you die,<br /> +An’ when Pinkie Jane come down to the city<br /> +He tried to show off, for she’s awful pretty.<br /> +So they all went over across the Bay,<br /> +To have a picnic, and spend the day.<br /> +At Sixteenth Street they got off the cars<br /> +A-grinnin’ an’ giggling so,—My Stars!<br /> +A Enormus Crowd begun to collect,<br /> +But nobuddy knew just what to expect.<br /> +Then up the track come a little spot,<br /> +An’ nearer and nearer and NEARER it got,<br /> +And Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane<br /> +Stood right in the road of the Overland Train!!!<br /> +The folks on the platform begun to yell,<br /> +“<em>Look out!—get off!!</em>” an’ the engine bell</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i007b.jpg" width="500" height="301" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span></p> +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;"><em>THE RUNAWAY TRAIN</em>:</p> + +<p style="margin-left: 9em;"> +Was ringin’ like mad,—but them children stood<br /> +As calm as if they was made of wood!<br /> +And a great big fat man yelled,—“<em>Oh Golly!<br /> +For Heaven’s sakes, just look at Wallie!</em>”<br /> +As the train came thunderin’ down the rail,<br /> +The wimmin all turned terribul pale.<br /> +But Wallie he stood there, stiff ’s a soldier,<br /> +An’ then (you remember what I told yer)<br /> +He made up a horribul face,—and whack!<br /> +He <span class="smcap">scared the engine right off’n the track</span>!<br /> +An’ the train jumped forreds an’ squirmed around,<br /> +A-wrigglin’ an’ jigglin’ over the ground;<br /> +And all the people they had to git,<br /> +For the blame old engine it had a fit!<br /> +But when the train got onto the track,<br /> +Them children they clum right onto its back,<br /> +And they tickled it so that all to once<br /> +It gave ’em a lot of shivers an’ grunts,<br /> +And it humped itself way up in the air,<br /> +And p’raps it didn’t give them a scare!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i008.jpg" width="500" height="299" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;"><em>AN IMPOSSIBLE EPIC</em>:</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 161px; margin-top: -3em;"> +<img src="images/i009.jpg" width="161" height="500" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p style="margin-left: 7em;"> +Then it puffed an’ puffed, a-faster an’ faster,<br /> +While Wallie sat there like an old school-master,<br /> +A-drivin’ that train till, I tell you what!<br /> +You no idea what a nerve he’s got!<br /> +Willie he held on to Wallie, an’ Jane<br /> +Held onto Willie with might and main.<br /> +Then they hitched along, like an old inch-worm,<br /> +With now a spazzum, and then a squirm;<br /> +But Willie and Wallie and Pinkie Jane,<br /> +They soon got sick o’ that Railroad train!<br /> +But when they crawled to the last end car<br /> +To jump on the ground, where it wasn’t far,<br /> +They got a heap worse off, instead,<br /> +For that nasty train, it stood on its head!<br /> +An’ they all yelled, “Telegraft Huldy Ann,<br /> +And make her come as quick as she can.<br /> +We can’t get off. Oh, hurry up, please!<br /> +What would we do if the thing should sneeze?”</p> + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;"><em>SEQUEL TO THE<br /> CHEWING-GUM MAN</em></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 9em;"> +I tell yer them children was in a fix<br /> +While that mad engine was doin’ his tricks.<br /> +But the messenger-boy found Huldy Ann,<br /> +An’ she said, “I’m glad that I ain’t a man!<br /> +I’ll show ’em how!” an’ she crossed the Bay,<br /> +An’ she see in a wink where the trouble lay.<br /> +An’ she said, “You go, an’ you telegraft back<br /> +For a load o’ candy to block the track!”<br /> +An’ when they sent it, she piled it high<br /> +With chocolate caramels, good ones,—My!<br /> +Peppermint drops and cocoanut cream,<br /> +Till it looked too good for a Christmas dream!<br /> +And the sun it melted and finished the job<br /> +Into one great elegant sticky gob!<br /> +So the train run into it lickety-split,<br /> +An’ the cow-catcher stuck, when the engine hit,—<br /> +An’ the tail o’ the train flew up and threw<br /> +Them children into that caramel goo!<br /> +They fell clear in,—way over their head,<br /> +But Ann eat ’em out, an’ sent ’em to bed!</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i010.jpg" width="500" height="300" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>There is a Theory some deny,</em><br /> + <em>That Lamp Posts once were three foot high,</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i011.jpg" width="500" height="623" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>And a Little Boy was terrible strong,</em><br /> + <em>And he stretched ’em out to ’leven foot long!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I picked some Leaves from off a Tree,</em><br /> + <em>And then I nearly Fainted:</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i012.jpg" width="500" height="499" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>For somehow it Astonished me</em><br /> + <em>To find they’d All been Painted!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +I never saw a PURPLE COW, I never HOPE to see one;</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px;"> +<img src="images/i013.jpg" width="550" height="293" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +But I can tell you, anyhow, I’d rather SEE than BE one!</p> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: .8em; color: gray;">TN: Image was joined from a +double page spread.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> + + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>My House is made of Graham Bread,</em><br /> + <em>Except the ceiling ’s made of White;</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i015.jpg" width="500" height="493" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>Of Angel Cake I make my Bed;</em><br /> + <em>I eat my Pillow every night!</em></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i016a.jpg" width="500" height="129" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I’d rather have Fingers than Toes;</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i016b.jpg" width="500" height="130" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I’d rather have Ears than a Nose;</em></p> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> + <em>And as for my Hair,</em><br /> + <em>I’m glad it’s all there,</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i016c.jpg" width="500" height="131" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>I’ll be awfully sad when it goes!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i017.jpg" width="500" height="717" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p> + + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>Many People seem to Think</em><br /> + <em>Plaster o’ Paris good to Drink:</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i018.jpg" width="500" height="609" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>Though conducive unto Quiet</em><br /> + <em>I prefer another Diet!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i019.jpg" width="500" height="537" alt="image" title="" /> +</div><p> </p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +O Willie an’ Wallie, you better believe,<br /> +They had a circus on Christmas Eve<br /> +With Huldy Ann an’ Pinkie Jane—<br /> +The folks imagined they’d went insane!<br /> +Them twins had an awfully narrow shave—<br /> +They nearly was killt, for they wouldn’t behave!<br /> +Huldy’s a winner! She hatched the scheme<br /> +On the day before Christmas; an’ that there team—<br /> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +That Willie an’ Wallie—they worked like mad—<br /> +You’ve no idea what a time they had!<br /> +’Twas the day before Christmas, at half-past three,<br /> +When Huldy she up an’ she says, says she:<br /> +“You Willie an’ Wallie, you go in the yard<br /> +An’ get that windmill—it won’t be hard—<br /> +An’ bring it an’ put it on top of the house,<br /> +An’ don’t make no more noise than a mouse!<br /> +‘For I know something I won’t tell,<br /> +Nine little niggers in a peanut shell!’”<br /> +Well, the twins they knew when she said that,<br /> +Huldy wa’ n’t talkin’ much through her hat.<br /> +So they worked an’ they tugged for more ’n an hour,<br /> +’Till they got that windmill off’n the tower;<br /> +An’ they hauled it up to the roof with ropes,<br /> +Way on the ridgepole, ’tween the slopes.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i020.jpg" width="500" height="440" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i021.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +They was almost dead, it tired ’em so,<br /> +An’ Will druv a splinter into his toe!<br /> +An’ all this time both Pinkie Jane<br /> +An’ Huldy was workin’ with might an’ main,<br /> +A-shuttin’ the doors, an’ the windows too,<br /> +An’ stoppin’ up cracks where the leaks come through.<br /> +An’ when it was tight, she slipped inside<br /> +An’ turned the gas on good an’ wide!<br /> +An’ she screamed, “Look out that you don’t get smothered:<br /> +Climb up on the roof where I won’t be bothered!”</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 181px;"> +<img src="images/i022.jpg" width="181" height="500" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> +When the house filled up with the gas inside,<br /> +It trembled an’ jiggled from side to side;<br /> +An’ when the gas filled it good an’ full<br /> +The ole foundations began to pull;<br /> +Then Huldy she pushed it a little mite,<br /> +An’ the house riz up in the air all right!<br /> +An’ it riz an’ riz like a ole balloon.<br /> +An’ Ann got aboard of it none too soon;<br /> +For it flew away off up into the sky<br /> +With her holdin’ on by her hands—Oh my!<br /> +But she clum on top, an’ you’d oughter have seen<br /> +Them workin’ that wheel like a flyin’ machine!<br /> +Well, after they’d flew an hour or so<br /> +They came to a mountain all covered with snow,<br /> +An’ there on the top they happened to see<br /> +A enermous great big Christmas tree!<br /> +Then Huldy steered ’em over the top,<br /> +An’ they let down an anchor to make ’em stop;<br /> +An’ Willie an’ Wallie they yelled with glee,<br /> +An’ jumped right into that Christmas tree!<br /> +They let down a ladder for them two girls<br /> +That didn’t darst jump for spoilin’ their curls!<br /> +They was toys an’ games an’ wagons an’ dolls,<br /> +All trimmed with tinsel an’ fol-de-rols!<br /> +For Santa Claus had just drove away,<br /> +An’ Wallie he said that he seen the sleigh!<br /> +Well, when they’d eat all the candy they could,<br /> +They loaded their house with things up good.<br /> +(But they hurried for fear that the old man’d come back<br /> +An’ catch ’em an’ give ’em a larrupin’ whack!)<br /> +Then they got on the roof, an’ they cut the string<br /> +An’ away they flew like everything!</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> + +<p style="margin-left: 10em;"> +The twins worked the wheel an’ Huldy steered,<br /> +An’ Pinkie clung tight—she was awfully skeered:<br /> +They got back home at half-past six,<br /> +But, oh! they got into a nawful fix!<br /> +For just as they sunk the house gave a lurch<br /> +An’ they landed right on top of a church!<br /> +An’ they punched a hole through the roof with the steeple,<br /> +To the great amazement of all of the people!<br /> +An’ the toys fell out of that house in the air,<br /> +An’ all the children in the town was there.<br /> +So every one got a present again<br /> +’Cept Willie an’ Wallie an’ Huldy an’ Jane—<br /> +An’ it served ’em right, don’t you think? because<br /> +They’d stolen the presents from Santa Clause.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i023.jpg" width="400" height="526" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>Once there was a GIANT HORSE,</em><br /> + <em>That walked through all the Town,</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i024.jpg" width="500" height="337" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>A-stepping into all the Roofs,</em><br /> + <em>And Smashing Houses down!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px;"> +<img src="images/i025.jpg" width="550" height="797" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>The Towel hangs upon the Wall,</em><br /> + <em>And, somehow, I don’t care at all!</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i026.jpg" width="500" height="504" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>The Door is open;—I must say</em><br /> + <em>I rather fancy it that Way!</em></p> + +<hr style="width: 15%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 325px;"> +<img src="images/txt1.jpg" width="325" height="47" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p> </p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i027.jpg" width="500" height="580" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p> </p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 361px;"> +<img src="images/txt2.jpg" width="361" height="49" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold;"><em>THE SOLES OF THE UNFORTUNATES.</em></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 92px; margin-top: -.5em;"> +<img src="images/i028.jpg" width="92" height="100" alt="L" title="" /> +</div> +<p>IKKERY had but one leg<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> when I married +him.<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a> I did not realize what this meant {it +meant 41 right-foot shoes [for he was extravagant +(and I was economical<a name="FNanchor_C_3" id="FNanchor_C_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_C_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a>) to a degree] in +his dressing closet} until he died.</p><p> </p><p> </p> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td rowspan='11'><img src="images/bracket.jpg" width="15" height="252" alt="bracket" title="" /></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>I could not bear to throw</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>them away.</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>The clerks asserted that all</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>their one-legged right-footed</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>I could not get rid of them</td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>customers wore</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>large sizes.<a name="FNanchor_D_4" id="FNanchor_D_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_D_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a></td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>There were not weddings</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>enough to throw them all</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'></td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'> </td> <td align='left'>after the carriages.</td> </tr> +</table></div> + +<p> </p> +<h2>Chapter II.</h2> + +<div class="sidenote">Mr. Silk +<em>WAS</em> a +two-legged +gentleman.</div> + +<p>My second marriage WOULD have been happy, but my husband +met with a distressing accident, which necessitated an amputation +<sup>of his right leg</sup> +of his wrong leg. So the collection increased.</p> + +<p>In spite of all my precautions, Mr. Silk’s shoes +would often be left pointing toward the bed.<a name="FNanchor_E_5" id="FNanchor_E_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_E_5" class="fnanchor">[E]</a> How I suffered! +At last Mr. Silk died. The day after the funeral, I made a procession +of all the shoes—</p> + +<h2>ORDER:</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="1" cellspacing="0" summary=""> + +<tr> <td align='left'>1.</td> <td align='left'>Patent leathers</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>4.</td> <td align='left'>Bluchers (large)</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>7.</td> <td align='left'>Congresses</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>2.</td> <td align='left'>Brogans</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>5.</td> <td align='left'>Tan shoes</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>8.</td> <td align='left'>Riding boots</td> </tr> +<tr> <td align='left'>3.</td> <td align='left'>Bluchers (small)</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>6.</td> <td align='left'>Slippers (carpet)</td> <td align='left'> </td> + <td align='left'>9.</td> <td align='left'>Pumps</td> </tr> +</table></div> + +<p>Sixty-two right-foot shoes, <sup>toe to heel,</sup> they reached from +my bedroom<a name="FNanchor_F_6" id="FNanchor_F_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_F_6" class="fnanchor">[F]</a> to the stairs.</p> + +<p>I was in despair when a small-footed man named Box proposed +to me. I looked at his feet and accepted him. (I was +sure the shoes would fit.)</p> + +<hr style='width: 15%;' /> + +<p>As soon as he was asleep I approached his prostrate form +(my axe was sharp {I ground it myself} and my mind was set).</p> + +<p>Sixty-two soles inspired me.<a name="FNanchor_G_7" id="FNanchor_G_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_G_7" class="fnanchor">[G]</a> I struck the blow!—Then +the HORROR of my deed seized me. The rest is too awful!</p> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Note</span>: I had cut off the wrong foot!</p> +</div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> Left leg.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> Fool that I was.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_C_3" id="Footnote_C_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_C_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a> For he could get a pair at the same price as a single shoe.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_D_4" id="Footnote_D_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_D_4"><span class="label">[D]</span></a> Likkery wore No. 3’s.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_E_5" id="Footnote_E_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_E_5"><span class="label">[E]</span></a> It is a common superstition among children that this +encourages bad dreams.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_F_6" id="Footnote_F_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_F_6"><span class="label">[F]</span></a> Bay-window.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_G_7" id="Footnote_G_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_G_7"><span class="label">[G]</span></a> I was determined they should at last be worn out.</p></div> + + +<div class="box"> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +<em>Ah, yes, I wrote the “Purple Cow”—</em><br /> + <em>I’m Sorry, now, I wrote it;</em></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i029.jpg" width="500" height="621" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class ="center" style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> + <em>But I can tell you Anyhow</em><br /> +<em>I’ll Kill you if you Quote it!</em></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span></p> + +<div class="box1"> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 72px;"> +<img src="images/i030.jpg" width="72" height="100" alt="image" title="" /> +</div> +<p><span style="font-size: 1.5em;"><strong>The Lark Book II., Nos. 13-24,</strong></span><br /> +with Table of Contents and <span class="smcap">Epilark</span>; +bound in canvas, with cover design +(Pan Pipes) by Florence Lundborg, +painted in three colors. Price, +3.00, post-paid.</p> + +<hr style='width: 95%;' /> + +<p class="center"><strong><em>NOTES ON THE PASSING OF THE LARK</em></strong></p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Literary Review.</em>—“Its ways were ways of pleasantness, and all +its paths were peace. It had no enemies and all its friends were true +ones. We see it go with a real regret and a feeling that we +could have better spared a better paper.”—<span class="smcap">Carolyn Wells.</span></p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>New York Times.</em>—“Regret moderately deep and thoroughly sincere +will be felt all over the country, at the announcement that <em>The +Lark</em> has ceased publication. A considerable number of people could +see no humor and less meaning in its songs, but thousands of others had +keener eyes and ears, and looked and listened with delight.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.</em>—“<em>The Lark</em> is dead, and the +<em>Epilark</em> has come and gone, leaving behind them only a haunting +echo of joyous song and a love of living delicious to contemplate.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>St. Paul Daily Globe.</em>—“But the mood in which we turn the Japanese +pages of the last <em>Lark</em> is anything but flippant. It is something +to have known youth and gayety, enthusiasm and a bravery which flies in +the face of day, and now—something to have lost them. <em>The Lark</em> +has lived and now dies well, and, to some at least, the time of its +irregular appearance will no longer be a red-letter day.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>The Philosopher.</em>—“And now <em>The Lark</em> announces its end. It +was the freshest, purest breath of air that ever blew across the +atmosphere of letters.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>London Times.</em>—“So unique in literature and illustration, we are +sorry to note that its publication is to be suspended. The bound volumes +for the two years it has been running deserve a place in the libraries of +all lovers of the odd and advanced in literature.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Paragraphs.</em>—“No more shall its cool notes delight the tree-tops, +and no longer may we follow in the footsteps of Vivette. It is a pity, +of course; but what can you expect? Larks must be fed, and—no one thinks +of feeding them.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>Trenton Tribune.</em>—“Its clever foolery shows how big a void was +created when <em>The Lark</em> decided to sing no more. <em>The Lark</em> +was the one new thing in junior magazinedom that did not outlive its +welcome.”</p> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;"><em>St. Louis Mirror.</em>—“It smacked of Robert Louis Stevenson. It was +‘Alice in Wonderland’ in picture. It was art through a crazy +looking-glass. It was the realism of nonsense. The whole country +laughed at the strange pictures with the brilliantly unintelligible +verses. But much of it was not understood of the people who need +diagrams. <em>The Lark</em> was always too high in the blue for the +many; but for those who might mount with him or to him—for those the +magazinelet was published. Those enjoyed it; and now they regret it—for +<em>The Lark</em> is no more. It was so original that its death is its +only unoriginality.”</p> + +<hr style='width: 95%;' /> + +<p><span style="font-size: 1.5em;"><strong>The Lark Almanac for 1899:</strong></span></p> + +<p>Being a collection of vagaries from <span class="smcap">The Lark</span>, +with original designs by Porter Garnett; uniform +in size with “The Purple Cow.” Price, 50c.</p> + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + +<p style="font-size: .8em;" class="center"><em>Published by</em> +<span class="smcap">Wm. Doxey</span>, <em>at the Sign of the Lark, +San Francisco</em></p> +</div> + +<div class="box"> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 118px; margin-top: -.5em;"> +<img src="images/i031.jpg" width="118" height="100" alt="W" title="" /> +</div> +<p style="font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.5em;"> +HO’ll be the Clerk!”<br /> +“I!” said <em>THE LARK</em>.</p> + +</div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Purple Cow!, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PURPLE COW! *** + +***** This file should be named 30656-h.htm or 30656-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/6/5/30656/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Anne Storer, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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