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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:53:49 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:53:49 -0700 |
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diff --git a/30468-h/30468-h.htm b/30468-h/30468-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..20f0fda --- /dev/null +++ b/30468-h/30468-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,533 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Holes, Incorporated, by L. Major Reynolds + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2,.hd1,.figr {text-align: center;} + h1,.hd1 {margin-top: 2em;} + h1,h2 {font-weight: normal;} + h2 {margin-bottom: 2em;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 2em auto; visibility: hidden;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .figr {float: right; clear: right; margin: 0 0 1em 1em; padding: 0; width: 387px;} + img {border: none;} + a:link,a:visited {text-decoration: none;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + .dcap {text-transform: uppercase;} + .figt {float: left; clear: left; margin: 15px; padding: 0; width: 137px;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; min-height: 230px;} + .trn p {margin: 15px;} + .sp1 {font-size: 200%;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30468 ***</div> + +<div class="figr"><img src="images/001.png" width="387" height="500" alt="" title="" /> +<small><b><i>It was getting so a person couldn't sleep nights anymore.</i></b></small></div> + +<p><big><i>Would you like to see all hell break loose? +Just make a few holes in nothing at all—push +some steel beams through the holes—and then +head for the hills. But first, read what happened +to some people who really did it.</i></big></p> + +<h1><span class="sp1">HOLES</span><br /> +<b>INCORPORATED</b></h1> + +<h2>By L. Major Reynolds</h2> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The</span> red-headed secretary asked, +"Names, please?"</p> + +<p>"Ted Baker."</p> + +<p>"Bill Stephens."</p> + +<p>"To see H. Joshua Blair. We +have an appointment."</p> + +<p>"It's for three-thirty. We called +up two weeks ago."</p> + +<p>The secretary said, "Oh, yes. I +have you on the list." She checked +them off, studied them vaguely, +asked, "What was it you wanted to +see Mr. Blair about?"</p> + +<p>Ted Baker held out the small +steel box he was carrying. "About +this."</p> + +<p>"Ah—what is it?"</p> + +<p>"It's a box."</p> + +<p>"I can see that," the redhead +snapped. "What is it for? What +does it do?"</p> + +<p>"It's for construction work. It +makes holes."</p> + +<p>The girl sighed. It was late in the +day and she didn't care much, really. +She snapped an intercom button. +An inquiring voice rasped at +her. She said, "A Mr. Baker and a +Mr. Stephens to see you."</p> + +<p>Evidently it was all right because +she snapped off the button and +pointed to a door. "In there."</p> + +<p>They went in the door and faced +a desk large enough to play tennis +on. The man behind the desk gave +them a cordial snarl. "Well, what +have you got on your mind? And +don't take all day to tell me."</p> + +<p>Ted extended the box. "This. +We'd like to sell it to you."</p> + +<p>"What is it? A bomb?"</p> + +<p>"No, sir. It makes holes. It makes +holes real quick."</p> + +<p>Blair scowled at the box. "What +the hell do I want of holes?"</p> + +<p>Bill Stephens came forward with +further explanation. "You see, sir, +Ted and I are inventors. We make, +well—things. We've been working +on this invention in our basement +and it seems to be a success."</p> + +<p>"We don't quite know why it's a +success," Ted said, "but it is."</p> + +<p>"We'd like to demonstrate it for +you."</p> + +<p>"Well, go ahead and demonstrate."</p> + +<p>Ted raised the box and aimed it +horizontally at nothing in particular. +He pressed a black button. +There was an odd whirring noise. +He took his hand off the button and +lowered the box.</p> + +<p>"What are you waiting for?" +Blair growled.</p> + +<p>"Nothing. That's it. I've made +the hole."</p> + +<p>"Are you two crazy? What kind +of a fool trick—?"</p> + +<p>Ted reached down and took a +pencil off the desk. "May I borrow +this?" Without waiting for permission, +he put the pencil carefully into +the place he'd pointed the box. Half +the pencil disappeared. He took his +hand away. The part of the pencil +still in sight didn't come with it. It +stayed where it was, lying in thin +air, horizontally, with no apparent +support.</p> + +<p>H. Joshua Blair goggled and +turned three shades whiter. "Wha-wha-what +the hell!"</p> + +<p>"And now, if you'll try to move +the pencil, the demonstration will +be complete."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Like</span> a man in a trance, Blair +got up from his desk and +grasped the pencil. It wouldn't +move. He got red in the face and +threw all his weight on it. It would +neither pull nor push. It stayed +where it was. Finally Blair backed +away from the thing. He leaned on +his desk and panted.</p> + +<p>"You see," Ted said, "The hole +goes into the fourth dimension. +There's no other explanation. And +the fourth dimension holds solider +than concrete."</p> + +<p>Old Blair's head was spinning, +but business instinct came quickly +to his rescue. "What happens," he +asked, "if something in the third +dimension is in the way?"</p> + +<p>"It gets out of the way," Bill said.</p> + +<p>Ted demonstrated. He trained +the box on the visible remains of the +pencil. It vanished.</p> + +<p>Blair said, "Well, I'll be damned!"</p> + +<p>"We figure this will save you a lot +of money in construction work," +Bill said. "You can get along without +riveters. You just have a man +put holes in girders with this and +push the rivets through. You also +make holes for the beam-ends, and +your entire building will be anchored +in the fourth dimension."</p> + +<p>"Do it again," Blair said.</p> + +<p>Ted made another hole and put +another pencil into it. Blair grasped +the pencil and applied leverage. +The pencil snapped at the point it +entered the next dimension but the +broken end of the far piece was not +to be seen.</p> + +<p>Blair asked, "You say you two +invented this gadget?"</p> + +<p>"That's right," Bill said. "We've +got a workshop in my basement. We +invent in the evenings after we +come home from work."</p> + +<p>"What do you work at?"</p> + +<p>"I read gas meters. He's a clerk +in a supermarket."</p> + +<p>"I suppose you want money for +this thing."</p> + +<p>"We'd like to sell it, yes, sir."</p> + +<p>"How much do you want for it?"</p> + +<p>"Well, we don't know. What's it +worth to you?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing probably. Leave it here +a few days. I'll look it over and let +you know."</p> + +<p>"But—"</p> + +<p>"And don't call me—I'll call +you."</p> + +<p>"But—"</p> + +<p>"Leave your address and phone +number with my secretary."</p> + +<p>After Ted and Bill left, Blair +yelled, "Get me Jake Steadman in +the engineering department!" He +didn't bother using the intercom, +but his secretary heard him anyhow.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Ted and Bill went to work on an +idea they had for the treatment of +leather. You dipped your shoes in a +solution and they lasted forever. +The thing didn't work too well, +however. It was full of bugs. They +tried to eliminate the bugs and once +in a while they thought of H. +Joshua Blair.</p> + +<p>"Don't you think it's about time +he called us?" Ted asked.</p> + +<p>"Don't be so impatient. He's a +big man. He owns a big company. +It takes time."</p> + +<p>"He's had over a month."</p> + +<p>"Relax. We'll hear from him."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Another</span> week passed, and +another, until one evening +Ted came galloping into the workshop +with news. "That big new addition +to the City Hall! They're +working on it! H. Joshua Blair Construction +Company. A big sign says +so!"</p> + +<p>"Relax. You'll blow a tube."</p> + +<p>"Relax hell! He's using our invention +to put up the steel girders. +Just like we suggested to him. Guys +with boxes like ours making holes +and putting in rivets!"</p> + +<p>Bill stopped what he was doing. +"He said he'd call us. Maybe he forgot. +Maybe we better go see him."</p> + +<p>They both knocked off work the +next day and got to Blair's office at +nine o'clock. The red-headed +secretary said, "You'll have to make +an appointment."</p> + +<p>"Appointment hell!" Ted headed +for the inner door. Bill followed +him. They went into H. Joshua +Blair's office to find him in conference +with two vice-presidents. +Ted said, "Mr. Blair, we came—"</p> + +<p>"Who in the devil are you?"</p> + +<p>"You remember us. Ted Baker +and Bill Stephens. We came about +our invention."</p> + +<p>"What invention?"</p> + +<p>"Our hole maker. You're using it +on the City Hall addition."</p> + +<p>Blair glowered. "Where'd you get +the idea it was yours? Have you got +any patents to show?"</p> + +<p>"Well, no. We didn't—"</p> + +<p>"I did! Fourteen good solid +patents. You two better go peddle +your groceries."</p> + +<p>"Now look, Mr. Blair."</p> + +<p>Blair raised his voice. "Throw +these two bums out!"</p> + +<p>Three huskies appeared as by +magic to do Blair's bidding. As Ted +and Bill landed on the sidewalk, one +of the vice-presidents said, "Do you +think that was smart, H. J.? They +might cause trouble."</p> + +<p>Blair snorted. "They haven't got +a prayer. A meter reader and a +grocery clerk!"</p> + +<p>"We could have at least given +them a few hundred."</p> + +<p>"Not on your life. Never give a +sucker an even break, Jim. Give +them anything at all, we acknowledge +their claim. That'd be stupid."</p> + +<p>"Maybe you're right."</p> + +<p>"Of course I'm right. It's business. +Now about those other bids. By +gad! We can run every contractor in +town out of competition! They +can't touch our prices!"</p> + +<p>Out on the sidewalk, Bill and Ted +sat mournfully looking up at the +vast steel skeleton, held together +literally by their own genius. Ted +said, "We got a raw deal."</p> + +<p>"Maybe we had it coming. We +were pretty stupid."</p> + +<p>"Anything we can do?"</p> + +<p>"Doesn't look like it."</p> + +<p>"Maybe the leather solution will +turn out."</p> + +<p>"Maybe." Bill looked wistfully up +at the steel skeleton. "At even a cent +a hole, we'd have done all right."</p> + +<p>"Let's go home and get to work."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>In the Mighty and Benevolent +Kingdom of Szkazia, a minor reign +of terror existed. The King, tired of +complaints from his subjects, had +just finished dressing down his +Prime Minister. The Prime Minister +was passing the abuse on to his +Chief Scientist. "If something isn't +done soon, I won't be responsible +for your head, my friend. The King +is in a rage."</p> + +<p>The eyes of the Chief Scientist +watered—partly from fear, and +partly from nights and days spent +in his laboratory beating out his +brains on one idea after another.</p> + +<p>"I'm doing my best, sire—"</p> + +<p>"It's not good enough! These +steel girders coming out of nowhere! +Banging people in the head—whacking +them in the stomach! +Why it isn't safe to walk through the +halls of the Administration Building. +Even the bedrooms of the Executive +Apartments are not safe! The +other night the Director of Propaganda +had just gone to bed—"</p> + +<p>"I know of the incident," the +Chief Scientist said hurriedly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you do? But you've done +nothing about—"</p> + +<p>"I've been working hard," the +scientist said patiently, "and I think +I have the solution. Give me another +day."</p> + +<p>"One day, then. After that—" +The Prime Minister made a significant +slicing motion with his finger.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The</span> Prime Minister chewed his +fingernails and watched the +clock. Sleep was out of the question +with the King calling up every little +while yelling for action. The +Minister counted the hours and +presented himself at the Royal +Laboratories precisely twenty-four +hours later. "Time's up," he +snapped.</p> + +<p>The Chief Scientist was wiping +his face. There were new lines +around his mouth. He indicated a +small steel box. "I think I've got it," +he said. "Come with me."</p> + +<p>They went swiftly to the Administration +Building. "This should be +close enough. We depress this lever +and—and hope."</p> + +<p>"Well, do it—do it!"</p> + +<p>The Chief Scientist pushed the +lever on the steel box. A whirring +sound came from within. All the +steel girder ends in sight—all the +nasty little rivets—disappeared. +The Chief Scientist smiled and +wiped his face again. "It worked," +he said.</p> + +<p>"Excellent. I'll see that you get a +medal."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," the Chief Scientist +said sadly. That was the trouble +with people nowadays. They either +handed you a medal or your head.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Ted</span> and Bill stared sadly at +the mess around the City Hall. +Bill said, "It's a good thing it collapsed +at night so nobody was +killed, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"You said it. I'd have felt guilty +if there'd been any casualties."</p> + +<p>"What do you suppose went +wrong?"</p> + +<p>"You got me. What do you think +they'll do to old Blair?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, but it looks pretty +bad. They refused to let him out on +bail."</p> + +<p>"Serves him right. The way he +treated us."</p> + +<p>"You've got it wrong. He treated +us swell. He did us a big favor. We +could have been blamed for this."</p> + +<p>Bill thought it over before saying, +"I guess you're right. I hadn't +looked at it that way."</p> + +<p>"Let's go home and get to work +on the leather solution."</p> + +<p>So they did.</p> + +<p class="hd1">THE END</p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="137" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> September 1952. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30468 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/30468-h/images/001.png b/30468-h/images/001.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1dbef86 --- /dev/null +++ b/30468-h/images/001.png diff --git a/30468-h/images/002-1.jpg b/30468-h/images/002-1.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e87a8b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/30468-h/images/002-1.jpg diff --git a/30468-h/images/002-2.jpg b/30468-h/images/002-2.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3b603f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/30468-h/images/002-2.jpg |
