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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Peterkin Papers, by Lucretia P. Hale
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Peterkin Papers
+
+Author: Lucretia P. Hale
+
+Release Date: October, 2001  [Etext #3028]
+Posting Date: October 27, 2009
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PETERKIN PAPERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Reed
+
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKIN PAPERS
+
+By Lucretia P. Hale
+
+
+Mrs. Peterkin Puts Salt into Her Coffee.
+
+Dedicated
+
+To Meggie (The Daughter of The Lady From Philadelphia)
+
+To Whom These Stories Were First Told
+
+
+
+
+Preface to The Second Edition of The Peterkin Papers
+
+THE first of these stories was accepted by Mr. Howard M. Ticknor for
+the "Young Folks." They were afterwards continued in numbers of the "St.
+Nicholas."
+
+A second edition is now printed, containing a new paper, which has never
+before been published, "The Peterkins at the Farm."
+
+It may be remembered that the Peterkins originally hesitated about
+publishing their Family Papers, and were decided by referring the matter
+to the lady from Philadelphia. A little uncertain of whether she might
+happen to be at Philadelphia, they determined to write and ask her.
+
+Solomon John suggested a postal-card. Everybody reads a postal, and
+everybody would read it as it came along, and see its importance, and
+help it on. If the lady from Philadelphia were away, her family and all
+her servants would read it, and send it after her, for answer.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza thought the postal a bright idea. It would not take so
+long to write as a letter, and would not be so expensive. But could they
+get the whole subject on a postal?
+
+Mr. Peterkin believed there could be no difficulty, there was but one
+question:--
+
+Shall the adventures of the Peterkin family be published?
+
+This was decided upon, and there was room for each of the family to
+sign, the little boys contenting themselves with rough sketches of their
+india-rubber boots.
+
+Mr. Peterkin, Agamemnon, and Solomon John took the postal-card to the
+post-office early one morning, and by the afternoon of that very day,
+and all the next day, and for many days, came streaming in answers on
+postals and on letters. Their card had been addressed to the lady from
+Philadelphia, with the number of her street. But it must have been read
+by their neighbors in their own town post-office before leaving; it must
+have been read along its way: for by each mail came piles of postals and
+letters from town after town, in answer to the question, and all in the
+same tone: "Yes, yes; publish the adventures of the Peterkin family."
+
+"Publish them, of course."
+
+And in time came the answer of the lady from Philadelphia:--"Yes, of
+course; publish them."
+
+This is why they were published.
+
+
+
+
+THE LADY WHO PUT SALT IN HER COFFEE.
+
+THIS was Mrs. Peterkin. It was a mistake. She had poured out a delicious
+cup of coffee, and, just as she was helping herself to cream, she found
+she had put in salt instead of sugar! It tasted bad. What should she do?
+Of course she couldn't drink the coffee; so she called in the family,
+for she was sitting at a late breakfast all alone. The family came in;
+they all tasted, and looked, and wondered what should be done, and all
+sat down to think.
+
+At last Agamemnon, who had been to college, said, "Why don't we go over
+and ask the advice of the chemist?" (For the chemist lived over the
+way, and was a very wise man.) Mrs. Peterkin said, "Yes," and Mr.
+Peterkin said, "Very well," and all the children said they would go too.
+So the little boys put on their india-rubber boots, and over they went.
+
+Now the chemist was just trying to find out something which should turn
+everything it touched into gold; and he had a large glass bottle into
+which he put all kinds of gold and silver, and many other valuable
+things, and melted them all up over the fire, till he had almost found
+what he wanted. He could turn things into almost gold. But just now he
+had used up all the gold that he had round the house, and gold was
+high. He had used up his wife's gold thimble and his great-grandfather's
+gold-bowed spectacles; and he had melted up the gold head of his
+great-great-grandfather's cane; and, just as the Peterkin family came
+in, he was down on his knees before his wife, asking her to let him have
+her wedding-ring to melt up with an the rest, because this time he knew
+he should succeed, and should be able to turn everything into gold; and
+then she could have a new wedding-ring of diamonds, all set in emeralds
+and rubies and topazes, and all the furniture could be turned into the
+finest of gold.
+
+Now his wife was just consenting when the Peterkin family burst in.
+You can imagine how mad the chemist was! He came near throwing his
+crucible--that was the name of his melting-pot--at their heads. But he
+didn't. He listened as calmly as he could to the story of how Mrs.
+Peterkin had put salt in her coffee.
+
+At first he said he couldn't do anything about it; but when Agamemnon
+said they would pay in gold if he would only go, he packed up his
+bottles in a leather case, and went back with them all.
+
+First he looked at the coffee, and then stirred it. Then he put in a
+little chlorate of potassium, and the family tried it all round; but it
+tasted no better. Then he stirred in a little bichlorate of magnesia.
+But Mrs. Peterkin didn't like that. Then he added some tartaric acid
+and some hypersulphate of lime. But no; it was no better. "I have it!"
+exclaimed the chemist,--"a little ammonia is just the thing!" No, it
+wasn't the thing at all.
+
+Then he tried, each in turn, some oxalic, cyanic, acetic, phosphoric,
+chloric, hyperchloric, sulphuric, boracic, silicic, nitric, formic,
+nitrous nitric, and carbonic acids. Mrs. Peterkin tasted each, and said
+the flavor was pleasant, but not precisely that of coffee. So then he
+tried a little calcium, aluminum, barium, and strontium, a little clear
+bitumen, and a half of a third of a sixteenth of a grain of arsenic.
+This gave rather a pretty color; but still Mrs.
+
+Peterkin ungratefully said it tasted of anything but coffee. The chemist
+was not discouraged. He put in a little belladonna and atropine, some
+granulated hydrogen, some potash, and a very little antimony, finishing
+off with a little pure carbon. But still Mrs. Peterkin was not
+satisfied.
+
+The chemist said that all he had done ought to have taken out the
+salt. The theory remained the same, although the experiment had failed.
+Perhaps a little starch would have some effect. If not, that was all
+the time he could give. He should like to be paid, and go. They were all
+much obliged to him, and willing to give him $1.37 1/2 in gold. Gold
+was now 2.69 3/4, so Mr. Peterkin found in the newspaper. This gave
+Agamemnon a pretty little sum. He sat himself down to do it. But there
+was the coffee! All sat and thought awhile, till Elizabeth Eliza said,
+"Why don't we go to the herb-woman?" Elizabeth Eliza was the only
+daughter. She was named after her two aunts,--Elizabeth, from the sister
+of her father; Eliza, from her mother's sister. Now, the herb-woman was
+an old woman who came round to sell herbs, and knew a great deal. They
+all shouted with joy at the idea of asking her, and Solomon John and
+the younger children agreed to go and find her too. The herb-woman
+lived down at the very end of the street; so the boys put on their
+india-rubber boots again, and they set off. It was a long walk through
+the village, but they came at last to the herb-woman's house, at the
+foot of a high hill. They went through her little garden. Here she had
+marigolds and hollyhocks, and old maids and tall sunflowers, and all
+kinds of sweet-smelling herbs, so that the air was full of tansy-tea
+and elder-blow. Over the porch grew a hop-vine, and a brandy-cherry
+tree shaded the door, and a luxuriant cranberry-vine flung its delicious
+fruit across the window. They went into a small parlor, which smelt very
+spicy. All around hung little bags full of catnip, and peppermint, and
+all kinds of herbs; and dried stalks hung from the ceiling; and on the
+shelves were jars of rhubarb, senna, manna, and the like.
+
+But there was no little old woman. She had gone up into the woods to
+get some more wild herbs, so they all thought they would follow
+her,--Elizabeth Eliza, Solomon John, and the little boys. They had to
+climb up over high rocks, and in among huckleberry-bushes and black
+berry-vines. But the little boys had their india-rubber boots. At last
+they discovered the little old woman. They knew her by her hat. It was
+steeple-crowned, without any vane. They saw her digging with her trowel
+round a sassafras bush. They told her their story,---how their mother had
+put salt in her coffee, and how the chemist had made it worse instead
+of better, and how their mother couldn't drink it, and wouldn't she
+come and see what she could do? And she said she would, and took up her
+little old apron, with pockets all round, all filled with everlasting
+and pennyroyal, and went back to her house.
+
+There she stopped, and stuffed her huge pockets with some of all the
+kinds of herbs. She took some tansy and peppermint, and caraway-seed
+and dill, spearmint and cloves, pennyroyal and sweet marjoram, basil and
+rosemary, wild thyme and some of the other time,---such as you have in
+clocks,--sappermint and oppermint, catnip, valerian, and hop; indeed,
+there isn't a kind of herb you can think of that the little old woman
+didn't have done up in her little paper bags, that had all been dried in
+her little Dutch-oven. She packed these all up, and then went back with
+the children, taking her stick.
+
+Meanwhile Mrs. Peterkin was getting quite impatient for her coffee.
+
+As soon as the little old woman came she had it set over the fire, and
+began to stir in the different herbs. First she put in a little hop for
+the bitter. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin said it tasted like hop-tea, and not at all like coffee. Then
+she tried a little flagroot and snakeroot, then some spruce gum, and
+some caraway and some dill, some rue and rosemary, some sweet marjoram
+and sour, some oppermint and sappermint, a little spearmint and
+peppermint, some wild thyme, and some of the other tame time, some
+tansy and basil, and catnip and valerian, and sassafras, ginger, and
+pennyroyal. The children tasted after each mixture, but made up dreadful
+faces. Mrs. Peterkin tasted, and did the same. The more the old woman
+stirred, and the more she put in, the worse it all seemed to taste.
+
+So the old woman shook her head, and muttered a few words, and said
+she must go. She believed the coffee was bewitched. She bundled up her
+packets of herbs, and took her trowel, and her basket, and her stick,
+and went back to her root of sassafras, that she had left half in the
+air and half out. And all she would take for pay was five cents in
+currency.
+
+Then the family were in despair, and all sat and thought a great while.
+It was growing late in the day, and Mrs. Peterkin hadn't had her cup
+of coffee. At last Elizabeth Eliza said, "They say that the lady from
+Philadelphia, who is staying in town, is very wise. Suppose I go and ask
+her what is best to be done." To this they all agreed, it was a great
+thought, and off Elizabeth Eliza went.
+
+She told the lady from Philadelphia the whole story,--how her mother had
+put salt in the coffee; how the chemist had been called in; how he tried
+everything but could make it no better; and how they went for the little
+old herb-woman, and how she had tried in vain, for her mother couldn't
+drink the coffee. The lady from Philadelphia listened very attentively,
+and then said, "Why doesn't your mother make a fresh cup of coffee?"
+Elizabeth Eliza started with surprise.
+
+Solomon John shouted with joy; so did Agamemnon, who had just finished
+his sum; so did the little boys, who had followed on. "Why didn't we
+think of that?" said Elizabeth Eliza; and they all went back to their
+mother, and she had her cup of coffee.
+
+
+
+
+ABOUT ELIZABETH ELIZA'S PIANO.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA had a present of a piano, and she was to take lessons of
+the postmaster's daughter.
+
+They decided to have the piano set across the window in the parlor, and
+the carters brought it in, and went away.
+
+After they had gone the family all came in to look at the piano; but
+they found the carters had placed it with its back turned towards the
+middle of the room, standing close against the window.
+
+How could Elizabeth Eliza open it? How could she reach the keys to play
+upon it?
+
+Solomon John proposed that they should open the window, which Agamemnon
+could do with his long arms. Then Elizabeth Eliza should go round upon
+the piazza, and open the piano. Then she could have her music-stool on
+the piazza, and play upon the piano there.
+
+So they tried this; and they all thought it was a very pretty sight to
+see Elizabeth Eliza playing on the piano, while she sat on the piazza,
+with the honeysuckle vines behind her.
+
+It was very pleasant, too, moonlight evenings. Mr. Peterkin liked to
+take a doze on his sofa in the room; but the rest of the family liked to
+sit on the piazza.
+
+So did Elizabeth Eliza, only she had to have her back to the moon.
+
+All this did very well through the summer; but, when the fall came,
+Mr. Peterkin thought the air was too cold from the open window, and the
+family did not want to sit out on the piazza.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza practiced in the mornings with her cloak on; but she was
+obliged to give up her music in the evenings the family shivered so.
+
+One day, when she was talking with the lady from Philadelphia, she spoke
+of this trouble.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia looked surprised, and then said, "But why
+don't you turn the piano round?"
+
+One of the little boys pertly said, "It is a square piano."
+
+But Elizabeth Eliza went home directly, and, with the help of Agamemnon
+and Solomon John, turned the piano round.
+
+"Why did we not think of that before?" said Mrs. Peterkin. "What shall
+we do when the lady from Philadelphia goes home again?"
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS TRY TO BECOME WISE.
+
+THEY were sitting round the breakfast-table, and wondering what they
+should do because the lady from Philadelphia had gone away. "If," said
+Mrs. Peterkin, "we could only be more wise as a family!" How could they
+manage it? Agamemnon had been to college, and the children all went to
+school; but still as a family they were not wise. "It comes from books,"
+said one of the family. "People who have a great many books are very
+wise." Then they counted up that there were very few books in the
+house,--a few school-books and Mrs. Peterkin's cook-book were all.
+
+"That's the thing!" said Agamemnon. "We want a library."
+
+"We want a library!" said Solomon John. And all of them exclaimed, "We
+want a library!"
+
+"Let us think how we shall get one," said Mrs. Peterkin. "I have
+observed that other people think a great deal of thinking."
+
+So they all sat and thought a great while.
+
+Then said Agamemnon, "I will make a library. There are some boards in
+the wood-shed, and I have a hammer and some nails, and perhaps we can
+borrow some hinges, and there we have our library!"
+
+They were all very much pleased at the idea.
+
+"That's the book-case part," said Elizabeth Eliza; "but where are the
+books?"
+
+So they sat and thought a little while, when Solomon John exclaimed, "I
+will make a book!"
+
+They all looked at him in wonder.
+
+"Yes," said Solomon John, "books will make us wise, but first I must
+make a book."
+
+So they went into the parlor, and sat down to make a book. But there was
+no ink.
+
+What should he do for ink? Elizabeth Eliza said she had heard that
+nutgalls and vinegar made very good ink. So they decided to make some.
+The little boys said they could find some nutgalls up in the woods.
+So they all agreed to set out and pick some. Mrs. Peterkins put on her
+cape-bonnet, and the little boys got into their india-rubber boots, and
+off they went.
+
+The nutgalls were hard to find. There was almost everything else in the
+woods,--chestnuts, and walnuts, and small hazel-nuts, and a great many
+squirrels; and they had to walk a great way before they found any
+nutgalls. At last they came home with a large basket and two nutgalls
+in it. Then came the question of the vinegar. Mrs. Peterkin had used her
+very last on some beets they had the day before. "Suppose we go and
+ask the minister's wife," said Elizabeth Eliza. So they all went to
+the minister's wife. She said if they wanted some good vinegar they had
+better set a barrel of cider down in the cellar, and in a year or two
+it would make very nice vinegar. But they said they wanted it that very
+afternoon. When the minister's wife heard this, she said she should be
+very glad to let them have some vinegar, and gave them a cupful to carry
+home.
+
+So they stirred in the nutgalls, and by the time evening came they had
+very good ink.
+
+Then Solomon John wanted a pen. Agamemnon had a steel one, but Solomon
+John said, "Poets always used quills." Elizabeth Eliza suggested that
+they should go out to the poultry-yard and get a quill. But it was
+already dark. They had, however, two lanterns, and the little
+boys borrowed the neighbors'. They set out in procession for the
+poultry-yard. When they got there, the fowls were all at roost, so they
+could look at them quietly.
+
+
+
+
+SOLOMON JOHN'S BOOK.
+
+But there were no geese! There were Shanghais and Cochin-Chinas, and
+Guinea hens, and Barbary hens, and speckled hens, and Poland roosters,
+and bantams, and ducks, and turkeys, but not one goose! "No geese but
+ourselves," said Mrs. Peterkin, wittily, as they returned to the house.
+The sight of this procession roused up the village. "A torchlight
+procession!" cried all the boys of the town; and they gathered round the
+house, shouting for the flag; and Mr. Peterkin had to invite them in,
+and give them cider and gingerbread, before he could explain to them
+that it was only his family visiting his hens.
+
+After the crowd had dispersed, Solomon John sat down to think of his
+writing again. Agamemnon agreed to go over to the bookstore to get a
+quill. They all went over with him. The bookseller was just shutting up
+his shop. However, he agreed to go in and get a quill, which he did, and
+they hurried home.
+
+So Solomon John sat down again, but there was no paper. And now the
+bookstore was shut up. Mr. Peterkin suggested that the mail was about
+in, and perhaps he should have a letter, and then they could use the
+envelope to write upon. So they all went to the post-office, and the
+little boys had their india-rubber boots on, and they all shouted when
+they found Mr. Peterkin had a letter. The postmaster inquired what
+they were shouting about; and when they told him, he said he would give
+Solomon John a whole sheet of paper for his book. And they all went back
+rejoicing.
+
+So Solomon John sat down, and the family all sat round the table looking
+at him. He had his pen, his ink, and his paper. He dipped his pen into
+the ink and held it over the paper, and thought a minute, and then said,
+"But I haven't got anything to say."
+
+
+
+
+MRS. PETERKIN WISHES TO GO TO DRIVE.
+
+ONE morning Mrs. Peterkin was feeling very tired, as she had been
+having a great many things to think of, and she said to Mr. Peterkin, "I
+believe I shall take a ride this morning!"
+
+And the little boys cried out, "Oh, may we go too?"
+
+Mrs. Peterkin said that Elizabeth Eliza and the little boys might go.
+
+So Mr. Peterkin had the horse put into the carryall, and he and
+Agamemnon went off to their business, and Solomon John to school; and
+Mrs. Peterkin began to get ready for her ride.
+
+She had some currants she wanted to carry to old Mrs. Twomly, and some
+gooseberries for somebody else, and Elizabeth Eliza wanted to pick some
+flowers to take to the minister's wife, so it took them a long time to
+prepare.
+
+The little boys went out to pick the currants and the gooseberries, and
+Elizabeth Eliza went out for her flowers, and Mrs. Peterkin put on her
+cape-bonnet, and in time they were all ready. The little boys were in
+their india-rubber boots, and they got into the carriage.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was to drive; so she sat on the front seat, and took up
+the reins, and the horse started off merrily, and then suddenly stopped,
+and would not go any farther.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza shook the reins, and pulled them, and then she clucked
+to the horse; and Mrs. Peterkin clucked; and the little boys whistled
+and shouted; but still the horse would not go.
+
+"We shall have to whip him," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+Now Mrs. Peterkin never liked to use the whip; but, as the horse would
+not go, she said she would get out and turn her head the other way,
+while Elizabeth Eliza whipped the horse, and when he began to go she
+would hurry and get in.
+
+So they tried this, but the horse would not stir.
+
+"Perhaps we have too heavy a load," said Mrs. Peterkin, as she got in.
+
+So they took out the currants and the gooseberries and the flowers, but
+still the horse would not go.
+
+One of the neighbors, from the opposite house, looking out just then,
+called out to them to try the whip. There was a high wind, and they
+could not hear exactly what she said.
+
+"I have tried the whip," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"She says 'whips,' such as you eat," said one of the little boys.
+
+"We might make those," said Mrs. Peterkin, thoughtfully.
+
+"We have got plenty of cream," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"Yes, let us have some whips," cried the little boys, getting out.
+
+And the opposite neighbor cried out something about whips; and the wind
+was very high.
+
+So they went into the kitchen, and whipped up the cream, and made some
+very delicious whips; and the little boys tasted all round, and they all
+thought they were very nice.
+
+They carried some out to the horse, who swallowed it down very quickly.
+
+"That is just what he wanted," said Mrs. Peterkin; "now he will
+certainly go!"
+
+So they all got into the carriage again, and put in the currants and the
+gooseberries and the flowers; and Elizabeth Eliza shook the reins, and
+they all clucked; but still the horse would not go!
+
+"We must either give up our ride," said Mrs. Peterkin, mournfully, "or
+else send over to the lady from Philadelphia, and see what she will
+say."
+
+The little boys jumped out as quickly as they could; they were eager to
+go and ask the lady from Philadelphia. Elizabeth Eliza went with them,
+while her mother took the reins.
+
+They found that the lady from Philadelphia was very ill that day, and
+was in her bed. But when she was told what the trouble was, she very
+kindly said they might draw up the curtain from the window at the foot
+of the bed, and open the blinds, and she would see. Then she asked for
+her opera-glass, and looked through it, across the way, up the street,
+to Mrs. Peterkin's door.
+
+After she had looked through the glass, she laid it down, leaned her
+head back against the pillow, for she was very tired, and then said,
+"Why don't you unchain the horse from the horse-post?"
+
+Elizabeth Eliza and the little boys looked at one another, and then
+hurried back to the house and told their mother. The horse was untied,
+and they all went to ride.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS AT HOME. AT DINNER.
+
+ANOTHER little incident occurred in the Peterkin family. This was at
+dinner-time.
+
+They sat down to a dish of boiled ham. Now it was a peculiarity of the
+children of the family, that half of them liked fat, and half liked
+lean. Mr. Peterkin sat down to cut the ham. But the ham turned out to
+be a very remarkable one. The fat and the lean came in separate
+slices,--first one of lean, than one of fat, then two slices of lean,
+and so on. Mr. Peterkin began as usual by helping the children first,
+according to their age. Now Agamemnon, who liked lean, got a fat slice;
+and Elizabeth Eliza, who preferred fat, had a lean slice. Solomon John,
+who could eat nothing but lean, was helped to fat, and so on. Nobody had
+what he could eat.
+
+It was a rule of the Peterkin family, that no one should eat any of the
+vegetables without some of the meat; so now, although the children saw
+upon their plates apple-sauce and squash and tomato and sweet potato and
+sour potato, not one of them could eat a mouthful, because not one was
+satisfied with the meat. Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin, however, liked both fat
+and lean, and were making a very good meal, when they looked up and saw
+the children all sitting eating nothing, and looking dissatisfied into
+their plates.
+
+"What is the matter now?" said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+But the children were taught not to speak at table. Agamemnon, however,
+made a sign of disgust at his fat, and Elizabeth Eliza at her lean, and
+so on, and they presently discovered what was the difficulty.
+
+"What shall be done now?" said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+They all sat and thought for a little while.
+
+At last said Mrs. Peterkin, rather uncertainly, "Suppose we ask the lady
+from Philadelphia what is best to be done."
+
+But Mr. Peterkin said he didn't like to go to her for everything; let
+the children try and eat their dinner as it was.
+
+And they all tried, but they couldn't. "Very well, then." said Mr.
+Peterkin, "let them go and ask the lady from Philadelphia."
+
+"All of us?" cried one of the little boys, in the excitement of the
+moment.
+
+"Yes," said Mrs. Peterkin, "only put on your india-rubber boots."
+And they hurried out of the house.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia was just going in to her dinner; but she
+kindly stopped in the entry to hear what the trouble was. Agamemnon
+and Elizabeth Eliza told her all the difficulty, and the lady from
+Philadelphia said, "But why don't you give the slices of fat to those
+who like the fat, and the slices of lean to those who like the lean?"
+
+They looked at one another. Agamemnon looked at Elizabeth Eliza, and
+Solomon John looked at the little boys. "Why didn't we think of that?"
+said they, and ran home to tell their mother.
+
+
+
+
+WHY THE PETERKINS HAD A LATE DINNER.
+
+THE trouble was in the dumb-waiter. All had seated themselves at the
+dinner-table, and Amanda had gone to take out the dinner she had sent up
+from the kitchen on the dumb-waiter. But something was the matter; she
+could not pull it up. There was the dinner, but she could not reach
+it. All the family, in turn, went and tried; all pulled together, in
+vain; the dinner could not be stirred.
+
+"No dinner!" exclaimed Agamemnon.
+
+"I am quite hungry," said Solomon John.
+
+At last Mr. Peterkin said, "I am not proud. I am willing to dine in the
+kitchen."
+
+This room was below the dining-room. All consented to this. Each one
+went down, taking a napkin.
+
+The cook laid the kitchen table, put on it her best table-cloth, and the
+family sat down. Amanda went to the dumb-waiter for the dinner, but she
+could not move it down.
+
+The family were all in dismay. There was the dinner, half-way between
+the kitchen and dining-room, and there were they all hungry to eat it!
+
+"What is there for dinner?" asked Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Roast turkey," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+Mr. Peterkin lifted his eyes to the ceiling.
+
+"Squash, tomato, potato, and sweet potato," Mrs. Peterkin continued.
+
+"Sweet potato!" exclaimed both the little boys.
+
+"I am very glad now that I did not have cranberry," said Mrs. Peterkin,
+anxious to find a bright point.
+
+"Let us sit down and think about it," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"I have an idea," said Agamemnon, after a while.
+
+"Let us hear it," said Mr. Peterkin. "Let each one speak his mind."
+
+"The turkey," said Agamemnon, "must be just above the kitchen door. If I
+had a ladder and an axe, I could cut away the plastering and reach it."
+
+"That is a great idea," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"If you think you could do it," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Would it not be better to have a carpenter?" asked Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"A carpenter might have a ladder and an axe, and I think we have
+neither," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"A carpenter! A carpenter!" exclaimed the rest.
+
+It was decided that Mr. Peterkin, Solomon John, and the little boys
+should go in search of a carpenter.
+
+Agamemnon proposed that, meanwhile, he should go and borrow a book; for
+he had another idea.
+
+"This affair of the turkey," he said, "reminds me of those buried cities
+that have been dug out,--Herculaneum, for instance."
+
+"Oh, yes," interrupted Elizabeth Eliza, "and Pompeii."
+
+"Yes," said Agamemnon, "they found there pots and kettles. Now,
+I should like to know how they did it; and I mean to borrow a book and
+read. I think it was done with a pickaxe."
+
+So the party set out. But when Mr. Peterkin reached the carpenter's
+shop, there was no carpenter to be found there.
+
+"He must be at his house, eating his dinner," suggested Solomon John.
+
+"Happy man," exclaimed Mr. Peterkin, "he has a dinner to eat!"
+
+They went to the carpenter's house, but found he had gone out of town
+for a day's job. But his wife told them that he always came back at
+night to ring the nine-o'clock bell.
+
+"We must wait till then," said Mr. Peterkin, with an effort at
+cheerfulness.
+
+At home he found Agamemnon reading his book, and all sat down to hear of
+Herculaneum and Pompeii.
+
+Time passed on, and the question arose about tea. Would it do to have
+tea when they had had no dinner? A part of the family thought it would
+not do; the rest wanted tea.
+
+"I suppose you remember the wise lady of Philadelphia, who was here not
+long ago," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Oh, yes," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"Let us try to think what she would advise us," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"I wish she were here," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"I think," said Mr. Peterkin, "she would say, let them that want tea
+have it; the rest can go without."
+
+So they had tea, and, as it proved, all sat down to it. But not much was
+eaten, as there had been no dinner.
+
+When the nine-o'clock bell was heard, Agamemnon, Solomon John, and the
+little boys rushed to the church, and found the carpenter.
+
+They asked him to bring a ladder, axes and pickaxe. As he felt it might
+be a case of fire, he brought also his fire-buckets.
+
+When the matter was explained to him, he went into the dining-room,
+looked into the dumb-waiter, untwisted a cord, and arranged the weight,
+and pulled up the dinner.
+
+There was a family shout.
+
+"The trouble was in the weight," said the carpenter.
+
+"That is why it is called a dumb-waiter," Solomon John explained to the
+little boys.
+
+The dinner was put upon the table.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin frugally suggested that they might now keep it for the
+next day, as to-day was almost gone, and they had had tea.
+
+But nobody listened. All sat down to the roast turkey; and Amanda warmed
+over the vegetables.
+
+"Patient waiters are no losers," said Agamemnon.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS' SUMMER JOURNEY.
+
+IN fact, it was their last summer's journey--for it had been planned
+then; but there had been so many difficulties, it had been delayed.
+
+The first trouble had been about trunks. The family did not own a trunk
+suitable for travelling.
+
+Agamemnon had his valise, that he had used when he stayed a week at a
+time at the academy; and a trunk had been bought for Elizabeth Eliza
+when she went to the seminary. Solomon John and Mr. Peterkin, each
+had his patent-leather hand-bag. But all these were too small for the
+family. And the little boys wanted to carry their kite.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin suggested her grandmother's trunk. This was a hair-trunk,
+very large and capacious. It would hold everything they would want to
+carry, except what would go in Elizabeth Eliza's trunk, or the valise
+and bags.
+
+Everybody was delighted at this idea. It was agreed that the next day
+the things should be brought into Mrs. Peterkin's room, for her to see
+if they could all be packed.
+
+"If we can get along," said Elizabeth Eliza, "without having to ask
+advice, I shall be glad!"
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Peterkin, "It is time now for people to be coming to ask
+advice of us."
+
+The next morning Mrs. Peterkin began by taking out the things that were
+already in the trunk. Here were last year's winter things, and not
+only these, but old clothes that had been put away,--Mrs. Peterkin's
+wedding-dress; the skirts the little boys used to wear before they put
+on jackets and trousers.
+
+All day Mrs. Peterkin worked over the trunk, putting away the old
+things, putting in the new. She packed up all the clothes she could
+think of, both summer and winter ones, because you never can tell what
+sort of weather you will have.
+
+Agamemnon fetched his books, and Solomon John his spy-glass. There were
+her own and Elizabeth Eliza's best bonnets in a bandbox; also Solomon
+John's hats, for he had an old one and a new one. He bought a new hat
+for fishing, with a very wide brim and deep crown; all of heavy straw.
+
+Agamemnon brought down a large heavy dictionary, and an atlas still
+larger. This contained maps of all the countries in the world.
+
+"I have never had a chance to look at them," he said; "but when one
+travels, then is the time to study geography."
+
+Mr. Peterkin wanted to take his turning-lathe. So Mrs. Peterkin packed
+his tool-chest. It gave her some trouble, for it came to her just as
+she had packed her summer dresses. At first she thought it would help to
+smooth the dresses, and placed it on top; but she was forced to take all
+out, and set it at the bottom. This was not so much matter, as she had
+not yet the right dresses to put in. Both Mrs. Peterkin and Elizabeth
+Eliza would need new dresses for this occasion. The little boys' hoops
+went in; so did their india-rubber boots, in case it should not rain
+when they started. They each had a hoe and shovel, and some baskets,
+that were packed.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin called in all the family on the evening of the second day
+to see how she had succeeded. Everything was packed, even the little
+boys' kite lay smoothly on the top.
+
+"I like to see a thing so nicely done," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+The next thing was to cord up the trunk, and Mr. Peterkin tried to move
+it. But neither he, nor Agamemnon, nor Solomon John could lift it alone,
+or all together.
+
+Here was a serious difficulty. Solomon John tried to make light of it.
+
+"Expressmen could lift it. Expressmen were used to such things."
+
+"But we did not plan expressing it," said Mrs. Peterkin, in a
+discouraged tone.
+
+"We can take a carriage," said Solomon John.
+
+"I am afraid the trunk would not go on the back of a carriage,"
+said Mrs.
+
+Peterkin.
+
+"The hackman could not lift it, either," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"People do travel with a great deal of baggage," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"And with very large trunks," said Agamemnon.
+
+"Still they are trunks that can be moved," said Mr. Peterkin, giving
+another try at the trunk in vain. "I am afraid we must give it up," he
+said; "it would be such a trouble in going from place to place."
+
+"We would not mind if we got it to the place," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"But how to get it there?" Mr. Peterkin asked, with a sigh.
+
+"This is our first obstacle," said Agamemnon; "we must do our best to
+conquer it."
+
+"What is an obstacle?" asked the little boys.
+
+"It is the trunk," said Solomon John.
+
+"Suppose we look out the word in the dictionary," said Agamemnon,
+taking the large volume from the trunk. "Ah, here it is--" And he read:--
+"OBSTACLE, an impediment."
+
+"That is a worse word than the other," said one of the little boys.
+
+"But listen to this," and Agamemnon continued: "Impediment is something
+that entangles the feet; obstacle, something that stands in the way;
+obstruction, something that blocks up the passage; hinderance, something
+that holds back."
+
+"The trunk is all these," said Mr. Peterkin, gloomily.
+
+"It does not entangle the feet," said Solomon John, "for it can't move."
+
+"I wish it could," said the little boys together.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin spent a day or two in taking the things out of the trunk
+and putting them away.
+
+"At least," she said, "this has given me some experience in packing."
+
+And the little boys felt as if they had quite been a journey.
+
+But the family did not like to give up their plan. It was suggested that
+they might take the things out of the trunk, and pack it at the station;
+the little boys could go and come with the things. But Elizabeth Eliza
+thought the place too public.
+
+Gradually the old contents of the great trunk went back again to it.
+
+At length a friend unexpectedly offered to lend Mr. Peterkin a
+good-sized family trunk. But it was late in the season, and so the
+journey was put off from that summer.
+
+But now the trunk was sent round to the house, and a family consultation
+was held about packing it. Many things would have to be left at home, it
+was so much smaller than the grandmother's hair-trunk. But Agamemnon had
+been studying the atlas through the winter, and felt familiar with the
+more important places, so it would not be necessary to take it. And Mr.
+Peterkin decided to leave his turning-lathe at home, and his tool-chest.
+
+Again Mrs. Peterkin spent two days in accommodating the things. With
+great care and discretion, and by borrowing two more leather bags, it
+could be accomplished. Everything of importance could be packed, except
+the little boys' kite. What should they do about that?
+
+The little boys proposed carrying it in their hands; but Solomon John
+and Elizabeth Eliza would not consent to this.
+
+"I do think it is one of the cases where we might ask the advice of the
+lady from Philadelphia," said Mrs. Peterkin, at last.
+
+"She has come on here," said Agamemnon, "and we have not been to see her
+this summer."
+
+"She may think we have been neglecting her," suggested Mr. Peterkin.
+
+The little boys begged to be allowed to go and ask her opinion about the
+kite.
+
+They came back in high spirits.
+
+"She says we might leave this one at home, and make a new kite when we
+get there," they cried.
+
+"What a sensible idea!" exclaimed Mr. Peterkin; "and I may have leisure
+to help you."
+
+"We'll take plenty of newspapers," said Solomon John.
+
+"And twine," said the little boys. And this matter was settled.
+
+The question then was, "When should they go?"
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS SNOWED-UP.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN awoke one morning to find a heavy snow-storm raging. The
+wind had flung the snow against the windows, had heaped it up around the
+house, and thrown it into huge white drifts over the fields, covering
+hedges and fences.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin went from one window to the other to look out; but nothing
+could be seen but the driving storm and the deep white snow. Even Mr.
+Bromwick's house, on the opposite side of the street, was hidden by the
+swift-falling flakes.
+
+"What shall I do about it?" thought Mrs. Peterkin. "No roads
+cleared out! Of course there'll be no butcher and no milkman!"
+
+The first thing to be done was to wake up all the family early; for
+there was enough in the house for breakfast, and there was no knowing
+when they would have anything more to eat.
+
+It was best to secure the breakfast first.
+
+So she went from one room to the other, as soon as it was light, waking
+the family, and before long all were dressed and downstairs.
+
+And then all went round the house to see what had happened.
+
+All the water-pipes that there were were frozen. The milk was frozen.
+They could open the door into the wood-house; but the wood-house door
+into the yard was banked up with snow; and the front door, and the
+piazza door, and the side door stuck. Nobody could get in or out!
+
+Meanwhile, Amanda, the cook, had succeeded in making the kitchen fire,
+but had discovered there was no furnace coal.
+
+"The furnace coal was to have come to-day," said Mrs. Peterkin,
+apologetically.
+
+"Nothing will come to-day," said Mr. Peterkin, shivering.
+
+But a fire could be made in a stove in the dining-room.
+
+All were glad to sit down to breakfast and hot coffee. The little boys
+were much pleased to have "ice-cream" for breakfast.
+
+"When we get a little warm," said Mr. Peterkin, "we will consider what
+is to be done."
+
+"I am thankful I ordered the sausages yesterday," said Mrs. Peterkin. "I
+was to have had a leg of mutton to-day."
+
+"Nothing will come to-day," said Agamemnon, gloomily.
+
+"Are these sausages the last meat in the house?" asked Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Yes," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+The potatoes also were gone, the barrel of apples empty, and she had
+meant to order more flour that very day.
+
+"Then we are eating our last provisions," said Solomon John, helping
+himself to another sausage.
+
+"I almost wish we had stayed in bed," said Agamemnon.
+
+"I thought it best to make sure of our breakfast first," repeated Mrs.
+Peterkin.
+
+"Shall we literally have nothing left to eat?" asked Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"There's the pig!" suggested Solomon John.
+
+Yes, happily, the pigsty was at the end of the wood-house, and could be
+reached under cover.
+
+But some of the family could not eat fresh pork.
+
+"We should have to 'corn' part of him," said Agamemnon.
+
+"My butcher has always told me," said Mrs. Peterkin, "that if I wanted a
+ham I must keep a pig. Now we have the pig, but have not the ham!"
+
+"Perhaps we could 'corn' one or two of his legs," suggested one of the
+little boys.
+
+"We need not settle that now," said Mr. Peterkin. "At least the pig
+will keep us from starving."
+
+The little boys looked serious; they were fond of their pig.
+
+"If we had only decided to keep a cow," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"Alas! yes," said Mr. Peterkin, "one learns a great many things too
+late!"
+
+"Then we might have had ice-cream all the time!" exclaimed the little
+boys.
+
+Indeed, the little boys, in spite of the prospect of starving, were
+quite pleasantly excited at the idea of being snowed-up, and hurried
+through their breakfasts that they might go and try to shovel out a path
+from one of the doors.
+
+"I ought to know more about the water-pipes," said Mr. Peterkin. "Now, I
+shut off the water last night in the bath-room, or else I forgot to; and
+I ought to have shut it off in the cellar."
+
+The little boys came back. Such a wind at the front door, they were
+going to try the side door.
+
+"Another thing I have learned to-day," said Mr. Peterkin, "is not to
+have all the doors on one side of the house, because the storm blows the
+snow against all the doors."
+
+Solomon John started up.
+
+"Let us see if we are blocked up on the east side of the house!" he
+exclaimed.
+
+"Of what use," asked Mr. Peterkin, "since we have no door on the east
+side?"
+
+"We could cut one," said Solomon John.
+
+"Yes, we could cut a door," exclaimed Agamemnon.
+
+"But how can we tell whether there is any snow there?" asked Elizabeth
+Eliza,--"for there is no window."
+
+In fact, the east side of the Peterkins' house formed a blank wall. The
+owner had originally planned a little block of semi-detached houses. He
+had completed only one, very semi and very detached.
+
+"It is not necessary to see," said Agamemnon, profoundly; "of course,
+if the storm blows against this side of the house, the house itself must
+keep the snow from the other side."
+
+"Yes," said Solomon John, "there must be a space clear of snow
+on the east side of the house, and if we could open a way to that "--"We
+could open a way to the butcher," said Mr. Peterkin, promptly.
+
+Agamemnon went for his pick-axe. He had kept one in the house ever since
+the adventure of the dumb-waiter.
+
+"What part of the wall had we better attack?" asked Mr. Peterkin.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was alarmed.
+
+"What will Mr. Mudge, the owner of the house, think of it?" she
+exclaimed. "Have we a right to injure the wall of the house?"
+
+"It is right to preserve ourselves from starving," said Mr. Peterkin.
+"The drowning man must snatch at a straw!"
+
+"It is better that he should find his house chopped a little when the
+thaw comes," said Elizabeth Eliza, "than that he should find us lying
+about the house, dead of hunger, upon the floor."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was partially convinced.
+
+The little boys came in to warm their hands. They had not succeeded in
+opening the side door, and were planning trying to open the door from
+the wood-house to the garden.
+
+"That would be of no use," said Mrs. Peterkin, "the butcher cannot get
+into the garden."
+
+"But we might shovel off the snow," suggested one of the little
+boys, "and dig down to some of last year's onions."
+
+Meanwhile, Mr. Peterkin, Agamemnon, and Solomon John had been bringing
+together their carpenter's tools, and Elizabeth Eliza proposed using a
+gouge, if they would choose the right spot to begin.
+
+The little boys were delighted with the plan, and hastened to find,--one,
+a little hatchet, and the other a gimlet. Even Amanda armed herself with
+a poker.
+
+"It would be better to begin on the ground floor," said Mr.
+Peterkin.
+
+"Except that we may meet with a stone foundation," said Solomon John.
+
+"If the wall is thinner upstairs," said Agamemnon, "it will do as well
+to cut a window as a door, and haul up anything the butcher may bring
+below in his cart."
+
+Everybody began to pound a little on the wall to find a favorable
+place, and there was a great deal of noise. The little boys actually cut
+a bit out of the plastering with their hatchet and gimlet. Solomon John
+confided to Elizabeth Eliza that it reminded him of stories of prisoners
+who cut themselves free, through stone walls, after days and days of
+secret labor.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin, even, had come with a pair of tongs in her hand. She was
+interrupted by a voice behind her.
+
+"Here's your leg of mutton, marm!"
+
+It was the butcher. How had he got in?
+
+"Excuse me, marm, for coming in at the side door, but the back gate
+is kinder blocked up. You were making such a pounding I could not make
+anybody hear me knock at the side door."
+
+"But how did you make a path to the door?" asked Mr. Peterkin. "You must
+have been working at it a long time. It must be near noon now."
+
+"I'm about on regular time," answered the butcher. "The town
+team has cleared out the high road, and the wind has been down the last
+half-hour. The storm is over."
+
+True enough! The Peterkins had been so busy inside the house they had
+not noticed the ceasing of the storm outside.
+
+"And we were all up an hour earlier than usual," said Mr. Peterkin,
+when the butcher left. He had not explained to the butcher why he had a
+pickaxe in his hand.
+
+"If we had lain abed till the usual time," said Solomon John, "we should
+have been all right."
+
+"For here is the milkman!" said Elizabeth Eliza, as a knock was now
+heard at the side door.
+
+"It is a good thing to learn," said Mr. Peterkin, "not to get up any
+earlier than is necessary."
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS DECIDE TO KEEP A COW.
+
+NOT that they were fond of drinking milk, nor that they drank very much.
+But for that reason Mr. Peterkin thought it would be well to have a
+cow, to encourage the family to drink more, as he felt it would be so
+healthy.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin recalled the troubles of the last cold winter, and
+how near they came to starving, when they were shut up in a severe
+snow-storm, and the water-pipes burst, and the milk was frozen. If
+the cow-shed could open out of the wood-shed, such trouble might be
+prevented.
+
+Tony Larkin was to come over and milk the cow every morning, and
+Agamemnon and Solomon John agreed to learn how to milk, in case Tony
+should be "snowed up," or have the whooping-cough in the course of the
+winter. The little boys thought they knew how already.
+
+But if they were to have three or four pailfuls of milk every day, it
+was important to know where to keep it.
+
+"One way will be," said Mrs. Peterkin, "to use a great deal every day.
+We will make butter."
+
+"That will be admirable," thought Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"And custards," suggested Solomon John.
+
+"And syllabub," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"And cocoa-nut cakes," exclaimed the little boys.
+
+"We don't need the milk for cocoa-nut cakes," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+The little boys thought they might have a cocoa-nut tree instead of
+a cow. You could have the milk from the cocoa-nuts, and it would be
+pleasant climbing the tree, and you would not have to feed it.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Peterkin, "we shall have to feed the cow."
+
+"Where shall we pasture her?" asked Agamemnon.
+
+"Up on the hills, up on the hills," exclaimed the little boys, "where
+there are a great many bars to take down, and huckleberry-bushes!"
+
+Mr. Peterkin had been thinking of their own little lot behind the house.
+
+"But I don't know," he said, "but the cow might eat off all the grass in
+one day, and there would not be any left for to-morrow, unless the grass
+grew fast enough every night."
+
+Agamemnon said it would depend upon the season. In a rainy season the
+grass would come up very fast, in a drought it might not grow at all.
+
+"I suppose," said Mrs. Peterkin, "that is the worst of having a
+cow,--there might be a drought."
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought they might make some calculation from the quantity
+of grass in the lot.
+
+Solomon John suggested that measurements might be made by seeing how
+much grass the Bromwicks' cow, opposite them, eat up in a day.
+
+The little boys agreed to go over and spend the day on the Bromwicks'
+fence, and take an observation.
+
+"The trouble would be," said Elizabeth Eliza, "that cows walk about so,
+and the Bromwicks' yard is very large. Now she would be eating in one
+place, and then she would walk to another. She would not be eating all
+the time, a part of the time she would be chewing."
+
+The little boys thought they should like nothing better than to have
+some sticks, and keep the cow in one corner of the yard till the
+calculations were made.
+
+But Elizabeth Eliza was afraid the Bromwicks would not like it.
+
+"Of course, it would bring all the boys in the school about the place,
+and very likely they would make the cow angry."
+
+Agamemnon recalled that Mr. Bromwick once wanted to hire Mr. Peterkin's
+lot for his cow.
+
+Mr. Peterkin started up.
+
+"That is true; and of course Mr. Bromwick must have known there was feed
+enough for one cow."
+
+"And the reason you didn't let him have it," said Solomon John, "was
+that Elizabeth Eliza was afraid of cows."
+
+"I did not like the idea," said Elizabeth Eliza, "of their cow's
+looking at me over the top of the fence, perhaps, when I should be
+planting the sweet peas in the garden. I hope our cow would be a quiet
+one. I should not like her jumping over the fence into the flower-beds."
+
+Mr. Peterkin declared that he should buy a cow of the quietest kind.
+
+"I should think something might be done about covering her horns," said
+Mrs.
+
+Peterkin; "that seems the most dangerous part. Perhaps they might be
+padded with cotton."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza said cows were built so large and clumsy, that if they
+came at you they could not help knocking you over.
+
+The little boys would prefer having the pasture a great way off. Half
+the fun of having a cow would be going up on the hills after her.
+
+Agamemnon thought the feed was not so good on the hills.
+
+"The cow would like it ever so much better," the little boys
+declared, "on account of the variety. If she did not like the rocks and
+the bushes, she could walk round and find the grassy places."
+
+"I am not sure," said Elizabeth Eliza, "but it would be less dangerous
+to keep the cow in the lot behind the house, because she would not be
+coming and going, morning and night, in that jerky way the Larkins' cows
+come home. They don't mind which gate they rush in at. I should hate to
+have our cow dash into our front yard just as I was coming home of an
+afternoon."
+
+"That is true," said Mr. Peterkin; "we can have the door of the
+cow-house open directly into the pasture, and save the coming and
+going."
+
+The little boys were quite disappointed. The cow would miss the
+exercise, and they would lose a great pleasure.
+
+Solomon John suggested that they might sit on the fence and watch the
+cow.
+
+It was decided to keep the cow in their own pasture; and as they were to
+put on an end kitchen, it would be perfectly easy to build a dairy.
+
+The cow proved a quiet one. She was a little excited when all the family
+stood round at the first milking, and watched her slowly walking into
+the shed.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza had her scarlet sack dyed brown a fortnight before. It
+was the one she did her gardening in, and it might have infuriated the
+cow. And she kept out of the garden the first day or two.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin and Elizabeth Eliza bought the best kind of milk-pans, of
+every size.
+
+But there was a little disappointment about the taste of the milk.
+
+The little boys liked it, and drank large mugs of it. Elizabeth Eliza
+said she could never learn to love milk warm from the cow, though she
+would like to do her best to patronize the cow.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was afraid Amanda did not under stand about taking care
+of the milk; yet she had been down to overlook her, and she was sure the
+pans and the closet were all clean.
+
+"Suppose we send a pitcher of cream over to the lady from Philadelphia
+to try," said Elizabeth Eliza; "it will be a pretty attention before she
+goes."
+
+"It might be awkward if she didn't like it," said Solomon John. "Perhaps
+something is the matter with the grass."
+
+"I gave the cow an apple to eat yesterday," said one of the little boys,
+remorsefully.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza went over, and Mrs. Peterkin too, and explained all to
+the lady from Philadelphia, asking her to taste the milk.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia tasted, and said the truth was that the milk
+was sour!
+
+"I was afraid it was so," said Mrs. Peterkin; "but I didn't know what to
+expect from these new kinds of cows."
+
+The lady from Philadelphia asked where the milk was kept.
+
+"In the new dairy," answered Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"Is that in a cool place?" asked the lady from Philadelphia.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza explained it was close by the new kitchen.
+
+"Is it near the chimney?" inquired the lady from Philadelphia.
+
+"It is directly back of the chimney and the new kitchen-range," replied
+Elizabeth Eliza. "I suppose it is too hot!"
+
+"Well, well!" said Mrs. Peterkin, "that is it! Last winter the milk
+froze, and now we have gone to the other extreme! Where shall we put our
+dairy?"
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS' CHRISTMAS-TREE.
+
+EARLY in the autumn the Peterkins began to prepare for their
+Christmas-tree.
+
+Everything was done in great privacy, as it was to be a surprise to the
+neighbors, as well as to the rest of the family. Mr. Peterkin had been
+up to Mr.
+
+Bromwick's wood-lot, and, with his consent, selected the tree. Agamemnon
+went to look at it occasionally after dark, and Solomon John made
+frequent visits to it mornings, just after sunrise. Mr. Peterkin drove
+Elizabeth Eliza and her mother that way, and pointed furtively to it
+with his whip; but none of them ever spoke of it aloud to each other.
+It was suspected that the little boys had been to see it Wednesday
+and Saturday afternoons. But they came home with their pockets full of
+chestnuts, and said nothing about it.
+
+At length Mr. Peterkin had it cut down and brought secretly into the
+Larkin's barn. A week or two before Christmas a measurement was made of
+it with Elizabeth Eliza's yard-measure. To Mr. Peterkin's great dismay
+it was discovered that it was too high to stand in the back parlor.
+
+This fact was brought out at a secret council of Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin,
+Elizabeth Eliza, and Agamemnon.
+
+Agamemnon suggested that it might be set up slanting; but Mrs. Peterkin
+was very sure it would make her dizzy, and the candles would drip.
+
+But a brilliant idea came to Mr. Peterkin. He proposed that the ceiling
+of the parlor should be raised to make room for the top of the tree.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza thought the space would need to be quite large. It must
+not be like a small box, or you could not see the tree.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Peterkin, "I should have the ceiling lifted all across
+the room; the effect would be finer."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza objected to having the whole ceiling raised, because
+her room was over the back parlor, and she would have no floor while the
+alteration was going on, which would be very awkward. Besides, her room
+was not very high now, and, if the floor were raised, perhaps she could
+not walk in it upright.
+
+Mr. Peterkin explained that he didn't propose altering the whole
+ceiling, but to life up a ridge across the room at the back part where
+the tree was to stand.
+
+This would make a hump, to be sure, in Elizabeth Eliza's room; but it
+would go across the whole room.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza said she would not mind that. It would be like the cuddy
+thing that comes up on the deck of a ship, that you sit against, only
+here you would not have the sea-sickness. She thought she should like
+it, for a rarity. She might use it for a divan.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought it would come in the worn place of the carpet, and
+might be a convenience in making the carpet over.
+
+Agamemnon was afraid there would be trouble in keeping the matter
+secret, for it would be a long piece of work for a carpenter; but Mr.
+Peterkin proposed having the carpenter for a day or two, for a number of
+other jobs.
+
+One of them was to make all the chairs in the house of the same height,
+for Mrs. Peterkin had nearly broken her spine by sitting down in a chair
+that she had supposed was her own rocking-chair, and it had proved to
+be two inches lower. The little boys were now large enough to sit in
+any chair; so a medium was fixed upon to satisfy all the family, and the
+chairs were made uniformly of the same height.
+
+On consulting the carpenter, however, he insisted that the tree could be
+cut off at the lower end to suit the height of the parlor, and demurred
+at so great a change as altering the ceiling. But Mr. Peterkin had set
+his mind upon the improvement, and Elizabeth Eliza had cut her carpet in
+preparation for it.
+
+So the folding-doors into the back parlor were closed, and for nearly a
+fortnight before Christmas there was great litter of fallen plastering,
+and laths, and chips, and shavings; and Elizabeth Eliza's carpet was
+taken up, and the furniture had to be changed, and one night she had
+to sleep at the Bromwicks', for there was a long hole in her floor that
+might be dangerous.
+
+All this delighted the little boys. They could not understand what was
+going on.
+
+Perhaps they suspected a Christmas-tree, but they did not know why a
+Christmas-tree should have so many chips, and were still more astonished
+at the hump that appeared in Elizabeth Eliza's room. It must be a
+Christmas present, or else the tree in a box.
+
+Some aunts and uncles, too, arrived a day or two before Christmas, with
+some small cousins. These cousins occupied the attention of the little
+boys, and there was a great deal of whispering and mystery, behind
+doors, and under the stairs, and in the corners of the entry.
+
+Solomon John was busy, privately making some candles for the tree. He
+had been collecting some bayberries, as he understood they made very
+nice candles, so that it would not be necessary to buy any.
+
+The elders of the family never all went into the back parlor together,
+and all tried not to see what was going on. Mrs. Peterkin would go in
+with Solomon John, or Mr. Peterkin with Elizabeth Eliza, or Elizabeth
+Eliza and Agamemnon and Solomon John. The little boys and the small
+cousins were never allowed even to look inside the room.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza meanwhile went into town a number of times. She wanted
+to consult Amanda as to how much ice-cream they should need, and whether
+they could make it at home, as they had cream and ice. She was pretty
+busy in her own room; the furniture had to be changed, and the carpet
+altered. The "hump" was higher than she expected. There was danger
+of bumping her own head whenever she crossed it. She had to nail some
+padding on the ceiling for fear of accidents.
+
+The afternoon before Christmas, Elizabeth Eliza, Solomon John, and their
+father collected in the back parlor for a council. The carpenters had
+done their work, and the tree stood at its full height at the back of
+the room, the top stretching up into the space arranged for it. All the
+chips and shavings were cleared away, and it stood on a neat box.
+
+But what were they to put upon the tree?
+
+Solomon John had brought in his supply of candles; but they proved to be
+very "stringy" and very few of them. It was strange how many bayberries
+it took to make a few candles! The little boys had helped him, and
+he had gathered as much as a bushel of bayberries. He had put them in
+water, and skimmed off the wax, according to the directions; but there
+was so little wax!
+
+Solomon John had given the little boys some of the bits sawed off from
+the legs of the chairs. He had suggested that they should cover them
+with gilt paper, to answer for gilt apples, without telling them what
+they were for.
+
+These apples, a little blunt at the end, and the candles were all they
+had for the tree!
+
+After all her trips into town Elizabeth Eliza had forgotten to bring
+anything for it.
+
+"I thought of candies and sugar-plums," she said; "but I concluded if we
+made caramels ourselves we should not need them. But, then, we have not
+made caramels. The fact is, that day my head was full of my carpet. I
+had bumped it pretty badly, too."
+
+Mr. Peterkin wished he had taken, instead of a fir-tree, an apple-tree
+he had seen in October, full of red fruit.
+
+"But the leaves would have fallen off by this time," said Elizabeth
+Eliza.
+
+"And the apples, too," said Solomon John.
+
+"It is odd I should have forgotten, that day I went in on purpose to get
+the things," said Elizabeth Eliza, musingly. "But I went from shop
+to shop, and didn't know exactly what to get. I saw a great many gilt
+things for Christmas-trees; but I knew the little boys were making
+the gilt apples; there were plenty of candles in the shops, but I knew
+Solomon John was making the candles."
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought it was quite natural.
+
+Solomon John wondered if it were too late for them to go into town now.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza could not go in the next morning, for there was to be
+a grand Christmas dinner, and Mr. Peterkin could not be spared, and
+Solomon John was sure he and Agamemnon would not know what to buy.
+Besides, they would want to try the candles to-night.
+
+Mr. Peterkin asked if the presents everybody had been preparing would
+not answer. But Elizabeth Eliza knew they would be too heavy.
+
+A gloom came over the room. There was only a flickering gleam from one
+of Solomon John's candles that he had lighted by way of trial.
+
+Solomon John again proposed going into town. He lighted a match to
+examine the newspaper about the trains. There were plenty of trains
+coming out at that hour, but none going in except a very late one. That
+would not leave time to do anything and come back.
+
+"We could go in, Elizabeth Eliza and I," said Solomon John, "but we
+should not have time to buy anything."
+
+Agamemnon was summoned in. Mrs. Peterkin was entertaining the uncles and
+aunts in the front parlor. Agamemnon wished there was time to study
+up something about electric lights. If they could only have a calcium
+light! Solomon John's candle sputtered and went out.
+
+At this moment there was a loud knocking at the front door. The
+little boys, and the small cousins, and the uncles and aunts, and Mrs.
+Peterkin, hastened to see what was the matter.
+
+The uncles and aunts thought somebody's house must be on fire. The door
+was opened, and there was a man, white with flakes, for it was beginning
+to snow, and he was pulling in a large box.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin supposed it contained some of Elizabeth Eliza's purchases,
+so she ordered it to be pushed into the back parlor, and hastily called
+back her guests and the little boys into the other room. The little boys
+and the small cousins were sure they had seen Santa Claus himself.
+
+Mr. Peterkin lighted the gas. The box was addressed to Elizabeth Eliza.
+It was from the lady from Philadelphia! She had gathered a hint from
+Elizabeth Eliza's letters that there was to be a Christmas-tree, and had
+filled this box with all that would be needed.
+
+It was opened directly. There was every kind of gilt hanging-thing, from
+gilt pea-pods to butterflies on springs. There were shining flags and
+lanterns, and birdcages, and nests with birds sitting on them, baskets
+of fruit, gilt apples and bunches of grapes, and, at the bottom of the
+whole, a large box of candles and a box of Philadelphia bonbons!
+
+Elizabeth Eliza and Solomon John could scarcely keep from screaming. The
+little boys and the small cousins knocked on the folding-doors to ask
+what was the matter.
+
+Hastily Mr. Peterkin and the rest took out the things and hung them on
+the tree, and put on the candles.
+
+When all was done, it looked so well that Mr. Peterkin exclaimed:--"Let
+us light the candles now, and send to invite all the neighbors to-night,
+and have the tree on Christmas Eve!"
+
+And so it was that the Peterkins had their Christmas-tree the day
+before, and on Christmas night could go and visit their neighbors.
+
+
+
+
+MRS. PETERKIN'S TEA-PARTY.
+
+TWAS important to have a tea-party, as they had all been invited by
+everybody,--the Bromwicks, the Tremletts, and the Gibbonses. It would be
+such a good chance to pay off some of their old debts, now that the lady
+from Philadelphia was back again, and her two daughters, who would be
+sure to make it all go off well.
+
+But as soon as they began to make out the list, they saw there were too
+many to have at once, for there were but twelve cups and saucers in the
+best set.
+
+"There are seven of us, to begin with," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"We need not all drink tea," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"I never do," said Solomon John. The little boys never did.
+
+"And we could have coffee, too," suggested Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"That would take as many cups," objected Agamemnon.
+
+"We could use the every-day set for the coffee," answered Elizabeth
+Eliza; "they are the right shape. Besides," she went on, "they would not
+all come. Mr. and Mrs. Bromwick, for instance; they never go out."
+
+"There are but six cups in the every-day set," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+The little boys said there were plenty of saucers; and Mr. Peterkin
+agreed with Elizabeth Eliza that all would not come. Old Mr. Jeffers
+never went out.
+
+"There are three of the Tremletts," said Elizabeth Eliza; "they never
+go out together. One of them, if not two, will be sure to have the
+headache. Ann Maria Bromwick would come, and the three Gibbons boys, and
+their sister Juliana; but the other sisters are out West, and there is
+but one Osborne."
+
+It really did seem safe to ask "everybody." They would be sorry, after
+it was over, that they had not asked more.
+
+"We have the cow," said Mrs. Peterkin, "so there will be as much cream
+and milk as we shall need."
+
+"And our own pig," said Agamemnon. "I am glad we had it salted; so we
+can have plenty of sandwiches."
+
+"I will buy a chest of tea," exclaimed Mr. Peterkin. "I have been
+thinking of a chest for some time."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought a whole chest would not be needed: it was as well
+to buy the tea and coffee by the pound. But Mr. Peterkin determined on a
+chest of tea and a bag of coffee.
+
+So they decided to give the invitations to all. It might be a stormy
+evening and some would be prevented.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia and her daughters accepted.
+
+And it turned out a fair day, and more came than were expected. Ann
+Maria Bromwick had a friend staying with her, and brought her over, for
+the Bromwicks were opposite neighbors. And the Tremletts had a niece,
+and Mary Osborne an aunt, that they took the liberty to bring.
+
+The little boys were at the door, to show in the guests, and as each
+set came to the front gate, they ran back to tell their mother that more
+were coming.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin had grown dizzy with counting those who had come, and
+trying to calculate how many were to come, and wondering why there were
+always more and never less, and whether the cups would go round.
+
+The three Tremletts all came, with their niece. They all had had their
+headaches the day before, and were having that banged feeling you always
+have after a headache; so they all sat at the same side of the room on
+the long sofa.
+
+All the Jefferses came, though they had sent uncertain answers. Old Mr.
+Jeffers had to be helped in, with his cane, by Mr. Peterkin.
+
+The Gibbons boys came, and would stand just outside the parlor door.
+And Juliana appeared afterward, with the two other sisters, unexpectedly
+home from the West.
+
+"Got home this morning!" they said. "And so glad to be in time to
+see everybody,--a little tired, to be sure, after forty-eight hours in a
+sleeping-car!"
+
+"Forty-eight!" repeated Mrs. Peterkin; and wondered if there were
+forty-eight people, and why they were all so glad to come, and whether
+all could sit down.
+
+Old Mr. and Mrs. Bromwick came. They thought it would not be neighborly
+to stay away. They insisted on getting into the most uncomfortable
+seats.
+
+Yet there seemed to be seats enough while the Gibbons boys preferred to
+stand.
+
+But they never could sit round a tea-table. Elizabeth Eliza had thought
+they all might have room at the table, and Solomon John and the little
+boys could help in the waiting.
+
+It was a great moment when the lady from Philadelphia arrived with her
+daughters. Mr. Peterkin was talking to Mr. Bromwick, who was a little
+deaf. The Gibbons boys retreated a little farther behind the parlor
+door. Mrs. Peterkin hastened forward to shake hands with the lady from
+Philadelphia, saying:--"Four Gibbons girls and Mary Osborne's aunt,--that
+makes nineteen; and now"--It made no difference what she said; for there
+was such a murmuring of talk that any words suited. And the lady from
+Philadelphia wanted to be introduced to the Bromwicks.
+
+It was delightful for the little boys. They came to Elizabeth Eliza, and
+asked:--
+
+"Can't we go and ask more? Can't we fetch the Larkins?"
+
+"Oh, dear, no!" answered Elizabeth Eliza. "I can't even count them."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin found time to meet Elizabeth Eliza in the side entry, to
+ask if there were going to be cups enough.
+
+"I have set Agamemnon in the front entry to count," said Elizabeth
+Eliza, putting her hand to her head.
+
+The little boys came to say that the Maberlys were coming.
+
+"The Maberlys!" exclaimed Elizabeth Eliza. "I never asked them."
+
+"It is your father's doing," cried Mrs. Peterkin. "I do believe he asked
+everybody he saw!" And she hurried back to her guests.
+
+"What if father really has asked everybody?" Elizabeth Eliza said to
+herself, pressing her head again with her hand.
+
+There were the cow and the pig. But if they all took tea or coffee, or
+both, the cups could not go round.
+
+Agamemnon returned in the midst of her agony.
+
+He had not been able to count the guests, they moved about so, they
+talked so; and it would not look well to appear to count.
+
+"What shall we do?" exclaimed Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"We are not a family for an emergency," said Agamemnon.
+
+"What do you suppose they did in Philadelphia at the Exhibition, when
+there were more people than cups and saucers?" asked Elizabeth Eliza.
+"Could not you go and inquire? I know the lady from Philadelphia is
+talking about the Exhibition, and telling how she stayed at home to
+receive friends. And they must have had trouble there! Could not you go
+in and ask, just as if you wanted to know?"
+
+Agamemnon looked into the room, but there were too many talking with the
+lady from Philadelphia.
+
+"If we could only look into some book," he said,--"the encyclopaedia or
+the dictionary, they are such a help sometimes!"
+
+At this moment he thought of his "Great Triumphs of Great Men," that he
+was reading just now. He had not reached the lives of the Stephensons,
+or any of the men of modern times. He might skip over to them,--he knew
+they were men for emergencies.
+
+He ran up to his room, and met Solomon John coming down with chairs.
+
+"That is a good thought," said Agamemnon. "I will bring down more
+upstairs chairs."
+
+"No," said Solomon John; "here are all that can come down; the rest of
+the bedroom chairs match bureaus, and they never will do!"
+
+Agamemnon kept on to his own room, to consult his books. If only he
+could invent something on the spur of the moment,--a set of bedroom
+furniture, that in an emergency could be turned into parlor chairs! It
+seemed an idea; and he sat himself down to his table and pencils,
+when he was interrupted by the little boys, who came to tell him that
+Elizabeth Eliza wanted him.
+
+The little boys had been busy thinking. They proposed that the
+tea-table, with all the things on, should be pushed into the front room,
+where the company were; and those could take cups who could find cups.
+
+But Elizabeth Eliza feared it would not be safe to push so large a
+table; it might upset, and break what china they had.
+
+Agamemnon came down to find her pouring out tea, in the back room. She
+called to him:--"Agamemnon, you must bring Mary Osborne to help, and
+perhaps one of the Gibbons boys would carry round some of the cups."
+
+And so she began to pour out and to send round the sandwiches, and the
+tea, and the coffee. Let things go as far as they would!
+
+The little boys took the sugar and cream.
+
+"As soon as they have done drinking bring back the cups and saucers to
+be washed," she said to the Gibbons boys and the little boys.
+
+This was an idea of Mary Osborne's.
+
+But what was their surprise, that the more they poured out, the more
+cups they seemed to have! Elizabeth Eliza took the coffee, and Mary
+Osborne the tea.
+
+Amanda brought fresh cups from the kitchen.
+
+"I can't understand it," Elizabeth Eliza said to Amanda. "Do they come
+back to you, round through the piazza? Surely there are more cups than
+there were!"
+
+Her surprise was greater when some of them proved to be coffee-cups that
+matched the set! And they never had had coffee-cups.
+
+Solomon John came in at this moment, breathless with triumph.
+
+"Solomon John!" Elizabeth Eliza exclaimed; "I cannot understand the
+cups!"
+
+"It is my doing," said Solomon John, with an elevated air. "I went to
+the lady from Philadelphia, in the midst of her talk. 'What do you do in
+Philadelphia, when you haven't enough cups?' 'Borrow of my neighbors,'
+she answered, as quick as she could."
+
+"She must have guessed," interrupted Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"That may be," said Solomon John. "But I whispered to Ann Maria
+Bromwick,--she was standing by,--and she took me straight over into
+their closet, and old Mr. Bromwick bought this set just where we bought
+ours. And they had a coffee-set, too"--"You mean where our father and
+mother bought them. We were not born," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"It is all the same," said Solomon John. "They match exactly."
+
+So they did, and more and more came in.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza exclaimed:
+
+"And Agamemnon says we are not a family for emergencies!"
+
+"Ann Maria was very good about it," said Solomon John; "and quick, too.
+And old Mrs. Bromwick has kept all her set of two dozen coffee and tea
+cups!"
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was ready to faint with delight and relief. She told the
+Gibbons boys, by mistake, instead of Agamemnon, and the little boys. She
+almost let fall the cups and saucers she took in her hand.
+
+"No trouble now!"
+
+She thought of the cow, and she thought of the pig, and she poured on.
+
+No trouble, except about the chairs. She looked into the room; all
+seemed to be sitting down, even her mother. No, her father was standing,
+talking to Mr.
+
+Jeffers. But he was drinking coffee, and the Gibbons boys were handing
+things around.
+
+The daughters of the lady from Philadelphia were sitting on shawls on
+the edge of the window that opened upon the piazza. It was a soft, warm
+evening, and some of the young people were on the piazza. Everybody was
+talking and laughing, except those who were listening.
+
+Mr. Peterkin broke away, to bring back his cup and another for more
+coffee.
+
+"It's a great success, Elizabeth Eliza," he whispered. "The coffee is
+admirable, and plenty of cups. We asked none too many. I should not mind
+having a tea-party every week."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza sighed with relief as she filled his cup. It was going
+off well.
+
+There were cups enough, but she was not sure she could live over another
+such hour of anxiety; and what was to be done after tea?
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS TOO LATE FOR THE EXHIBITION.
+
+Dramatis Personę.--Amanda (friend of Elizabeth Eliza), Amanda's mother,
+girls of the graduating class, Mrs. Peterkin, Elizabeth Eliza. AMANDA
+[coming in with a few graduates ].
+
+MOTHER, the exhibition is over, and I have brought the whole class home
+to the collation.
+
+MOTHER.--The whole class! I But I only expected a few.
+
+AMANDA.--The rest are coming. I brought Julie, and Clara, and Sophie
+with me. [A voice is heard. ] Here are the rest.
+
+MOTHER.--Why, no. It is Mrs. Peterkin and Elizabeth Eliza!
+
+AMANDA.--Too late for the exhibition. Such a shame! But in time for the
+collation.
+
+MOTHER [to herself ].--If the ice-cream will go round.
+
+AMANDA.--But what made you so late? Did you miss the train? This is
+Elizabeth Eliza, girls--you have heard me speak of her. What a pity you
+were too late!
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--We tried to come; we did our best.
+
+MOTHER.--Did you miss the train? Didn't you get my postal-card?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--We had nothing to do with the train.
+
+AMANDA.--You don't mean you walked?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--O no, indeed!
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--We came in a horse and carryall.
+
+JULIA.--I always wondered how anybody could come in a horse!
+
+AMANDA.--You are too foolish, Julia. They came in the carryall part. But
+didn't you start in time?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--It all comes from the carryall being so hard to turn. I
+told Mr.
+
+Peterkin we should get into trouble with one of those carryalls that
+don't turn easy.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--They turn easy enough in the stable, so you can't
+tell.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Yes; we started with the little boys and Solomon John on
+the back seat, and Elizabeth Eliza on the front. She was to drive, and I
+was to see to the driving. But the horse was not faced toward Boston.
+
+MOTHER.--And you tipped over in turning round! Oh, what an accident!
+
+AMANDA.--And the little boys--where are they? Are they killed?
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--The little boys are all safe. We left them at the
+Pringles', with Solomon John.
+
+MOTHER.--But what did happen?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--We started the wrong way.
+
+MOTHER.--You lost your way, after all?
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--No; we knew the way well enough.
+
+AMANDA.--It's as plain as a pikestaff!
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--No; we had the horse faced in the wrong
+direction,--toward Providence.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--And mother was afraid to have me turn, and we kept on
+and on till we should reach a wide place.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--I thought we should come to a road that would veer off
+to the right or left, and bring us back to the right direction.
+
+MOTHER.--Could not you all get out and turn the thing round?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Why, no; if it had broken down we should not have been
+in anything, and could not have gone anywhere.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--Yes, I have always heard it was best to stay in the
+carriage, whatever happens.
+
+JULIA.--But nothing seemed to happen.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--O yes; we met one man after another, and we asked the
+way to Boston.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--And all they would say was, "Turn right round--you are
+on the road to Providence."
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--As if we could turn right round! That was just what we
+couldn't.
+
+MOTHER.--You don't mean you kept on all the way to Providence?
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--O dear, no! We kept on and on, till we met a man with
+a black hand-bag--black leather I should say.
+
+JULIA.--He must have been a book-agent.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--I dare say he was; his bag seemed heavy. He set it on a
+stone.
+
+MOTHER.--I dare say it was the same one that came here the other day.
+He wanted me to buy the "History of the Aborigines, Brought up from
+Earliest Times to the Present Date," in four volumes. I told him I
+hadn't time to read so much. He said that was no matter, few did, and it
+wasn't much worth it--they bought books for the look of the thing.
+
+AMANDA.--Now, that was illiterate; he never could have graduated. I
+hope, Elizabeth Eliza, you had nothing to do with that man.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--Very likely it was not the same one.
+
+MOTHER.--Did he have a kind of pepper-and-salt suit, with one of the
+buttons worn?
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--I noticed one of the buttons was off.
+
+AMANDA.--We're off the subject. Did you buy his book?
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--He never offered us his book.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--He told us the same story,--we were going to Providence;
+if we wanted to go to Boston, we must turn directly round.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I told him I couldn't; but he took the horse's head,
+and the first thing I knew--AMANDA.--He had yanked you round!
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--I screamed; I couldn't help it!
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I was glad when it was over!
+
+MOTHER.--Well, well; it shows the disadvantage of starting wrong.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Yes, we came straight enough when the horse was headed
+right; but we lost time.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I am sorry enough I lost the exhibition, and seeing
+you take the diploma, Amanda. I never got the diploma myself. I came
+near it.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Somehow, Elizabeth Eliza never succeeded. I think there
+was partiality about the promotions.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I never was good about remembering things. I studied
+well enough, but, when I came to say off my lesson, I couldn't think
+what it was. Yet I could have answered some of the other girls'
+questions.
+
+JULIA.--It's odd how the other girls always have the easiest questions.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I never could remember poetry There was only one thing
+I could repeat.
+
+AMANDA.--Oh, do let us have it now; and then we'll recite to you some of
+our exhibition pieces.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I'll try.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Yes, Elizabeth Eliza, do what you can to help entertain
+Amanda's friends.
+
+[All stand looking at ELIZABETH ELIZA, who remains silent and
+thoughtful. ] ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I'm trying to think what it is about.
+You all know it. You remember, Amanda,--the name is rather long.
+
+AMANDA.--It can't be Nebuchadnezzar, can it?--that is one of the longest
+names I know.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--O dear, no!
+
+JULIA.--Perhaps it's Cleopatra.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--It does begin with a "C"--only he was a boy.
+
+AMANDA.--That's a pity, for it might be "We are seven," only that is a
+girl. Some of them were boys.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--It begins about a boy--if I could only think where he
+was. I can't remember.
+
+AMANDA.--Perhaps he "stood upon the burning deck?"
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--That's just it; I knew he stood somewhere.
+
+AMANDA.--Casablanca! Now begin--go ahead.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--"The boy stood on the burning deck, When--When--"
+I can't think who stood there with him.
+
+JULIA.--If the deck was burning, it must have been on fire. I guess the
+rest ran away, or jumped into boats.
+
+AMANDA.--That's just it:--"Whence all but him had fled."
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--I think I can say it now.
+
+    "The boy stood on the burning deck,
+    Whence all but him had fled---"
+
+[She hesitates. ] Then I think he went--
+
+JULIA.--Of course, he fled after the rest.
+
+AMANDA.--Dear, no! That's the point. He didn't.
+
+    "The flames rolled on, he would not go
+    Without his father's word."
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--O yes. Now I can say it.
+
+    "The boy stood on the burning deck,
+       Whence all but him had fled;
+     The flames rolled on, he would not go
+       Without his father's word."
+
+But it used to rhyme. I don't know what has happened to it.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN.--Elizabeth Eliza is very particular about the rhymes.
+
+ELIZABETH ELIZA.--It must be "without his father's head," or, perhaps,
+"without his father said" he should.
+
+JULIA.--I think you must have omitted something.
+
+AMANDA.--She has left out ever so much!
+
+MOTHER.--Perhaps it's as well to omit some, for the ice-cream has come,
+and you must all come down.
+
+AMANDA.--And here are the rest of the girls; and let us all unite in a
+song!
+
+[Exeunt omnes, singing. ]
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS CELEBRATE THE FOURTH OF JULY.
+
+THE day began early. A compact had been made with the little boys the
+evening before.
+
+They were to be allowed to usher in the glorious day by the blowing of
+horns exactly at sunrise. But they were to blow them for precisely five
+minutes only, and no sound of the horns should be heard afterward till
+the family were downstairs.
+
+It was thought that a peace might thus be bought by a short, though
+crowded, period of noise.
+
+The morning came. Even before the morning, at half-past three o'clock, a
+terrible blast of the horns aroused the whole family.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin clasped her hands to her head and exclaimed: "I am
+thankful the lady from Philadelphia is not here!" For she had been
+invited to stay a week, but had declined to come before the Fourth of
+July, as she was not well, and her doctor had prescribed quiet.
+
+And the number of the horns was most remarkable! It was as though every
+cow in the place had arisen and was blowing through both her own horns!
+
+"How many little boys are there? How many have we?" exclaimed Mr.
+Peterkin, going over their names one by one mechanically, thinking he
+would do it, as he might count imaginary sheep jumping over a fence, to
+put himself to sleep. Alas!
+
+the counting could not put him to sleep now, in such a din.
+
+And how unexpectedly long the five minutes seemed! Elizabeth Eliza
+was to take out her watch and give the signal for the end of the five
+minutes, and the ceasing of the horns. Why did not the signal come? Why
+did not Elizabeth Eliza stop them?
+
+And certainly it was long before sunrise; there was no dawn to be seen!
+
+"We will not try this plan again," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"If we live to another Fourth," added Mr. Peterkin, hastening to the
+door to inquire into the state of affairs.
+
+Alas! Amanda, by mistake, had waked up the little boys an hour too
+early. And by another mistake the little boys had invited three or four
+of their friends to spend the night with them. Mrs. Peterkin had given
+them permission to have the boys for the whole day, and they understood
+the day as beginning when they went to bed the night before. This
+accounted for the number of horns.
+
+It would have been impossible to hear any explanation; but the five
+minutes were over, and the horns had ceased, and there remained only
+the noise of a singular leaping of feet, explained perhaps by a possible
+pillow-fight, that kept the family below partially awake until the bells
+and cannon made known the dawning of the glorious day,--the sunrise, or
+"the rising of the sons," as Mr.
+
+Peterkin jocosely called it when they heard the little boys and their
+friends clattering down the stairs to begin the outside festivities.
+
+They were bound first for the swamp, for Elizabeth Eliza, at the
+suggestion of the lady from Philadelphia, had advised them to hang some
+flags around the pillars of the piazza. Now the little boys knew of
+a place in the swamp where they had been in the habit of digging for
+"flag-root," and where they might find plenty of flag flowers. They did
+bring away all they could, but they were a little out of bloom. The
+boys were in the midst of nailing up all they had on the pillars of the
+piazza when the procession of the Antiques and Horribles passed along.
+As the procession saw the festive arrangements on the piazza, and the
+crowd of boys, who cheered them loudly, it stopped to salute the house
+with some especial strains of greeting.
+
+Poor Mrs. Peterkin! They were directly under her windows! In a few
+moments of quiet, during the boys' absence from the house on their
+visit to the swamp, she had been trying to find out whether she had
+a sick-headache, or whether it was all the noise, and she was just
+deciding it was the sick headache, but was falling into a light slumber,
+when the fresh noise outside began.
+
+There were the imitations of the crowing of cocks, and braying of
+donkeys, and the sound of horns, encored and increased by the cheers of
+the boys. Then began the torpedoes, and the Antiques and Horribles had
+Chinese crackers also.
+
+And, in despair of sleep, the family came down to breakfast.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin had always been much afraid of fire-works, and had never
+allowed the boys to bring gunpowder into the house. She was even afraid
+of torpedoes; they looked so much like sugar-plums she was sure some the
+children would swallow them, and explode before anybody knew it.
+
+She was very timid about other things. She was not sure even about
+pea-nuts.
+
+Everybody exclaimed over this: "Surely there was no danger in pea-nuts!"
+But Mrs. Peterkin declared she had been very much alarmed at the
+Centennial Exhibition, and in the crowded corners of the streets in
+Boston, at the pea-nut stands, where they had machines to roast the
+pea-nuts. She did not think it was safe. They might go off any time, in
+the midst of a crowd of people, too!
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought there actually was no danger, and he should be
+sorry to give up the pea-nut. He thought it an American institution,
+something really belonging to the Fourth of July. He even confessed to
+a quiet pleasure in crushing the empty shells with his feet on the
+sidewalks as he went along the streets.
+
+Agamemnon thought it a simple joy.
+
+In consideration, however, of the fact that they had had no real
+celebration of the Fourth the last year, Mrs. Peterkin had consented
+to give over the day, this year, to the amusement of the family as
+a Centennial celebration. She would prepare herself for a terrible
+noise,--only she did not want any gunpowder brought into the house.
+
+The little boys had begun by firing some torpedoes a few days
+beforehand, that their mother might be used to the sound, and had
+selected their horns some weeks before.
+
+Solomon John had been very busy in inventing some fireworks. As Mrs.
+Peterkin objected to the use of gunpowder, he found out from the
+dictionary what the different parts of gunpowder are,--saltpetre,
+charcoal, and sulphur. Charcoal, he discovered, they had in the
+wood-house; saltpetre they would find in the cellar, in the beef barrel;
+and sulphur they could buy at the apothecary's. He explained to his
+mother that these materials had never yet exploded in the house, and she
+was quieted.
+
+Agamemnon, meanwhile, remembered a recipe he had read somewhere for
+making a "fulminating paste" of iron-filings and powder of brimstone. He
+had written it down on a piece of paper in his pocket-book. But the
+iron filings must be finely powdered. This they began upon a day or two
+before, and the very afternoon before laid out some of the paste on the
+piazza.
+
+Pin-wheels and rockets were contributed by Mr. Peterkin for the evening.
+
+According to a programme drawn up by Agamemnon and Solomon John, the
+reading of the Declaration of Independence was to take place in the
+morning, on the piazza, under the flags.
+
+The Bromwicks brought over their flag to hang over the door.
+
+"That is what the lady from Philadelphia meant," explained Elizabeth
+Eliza.
+
+"She said the flags of our country," said the little boys. "We
+thought she meant 'in the country.'"
+
+Quite a company assembled; but it seemed nobody had a copy of the
+Declaration of Independence.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza said she could say one line, if they each could add as
+much. But it proved they all knew the same line that she did, as they
+began:--"When, in the course of--when, in the course of--when, in the
+course of human--when in the course of human events--when, in the course
+of human events, it becomes--when, in the course of human events,
+it becomes necessary--when, in the course of human events it becomes
+necessary for one people"--They could not get any farther. Some of the
+party decided that "one people" was a good place to stop, and the little
+boys sent off some fresh torpedoes in honor of the people. But Mr.
+Peterkin was not satisfied. He invited the assembled party to stay until
+sunset, and meanwhile he would find a copy, and torpedoes were to be
+saved to be fired off at the close of every sentence.
+
+And now the noon bells rang and the noon bells ceased.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin wanted to ask everybody to dinner. She should have
+some cold beef. She had let Amanda go, because it was the Fourth, and
+everybody ought to be free that one day; so she could not have much of a
+dinner. But when she went to cut her beef she found Solomon had taken it
+to soak, on account of the saltpetre, for the fireworks!
+
+Well, they had a pig; so she took a ham, and the boys had bought
+tamarinds and buns and a cocoa-nut. So the company stayed on, and when
+the Antiques and Horribles passed again they were treated to pea-nuts
+and lemonade.
+
+They sung patriotic songs, they told stories, they fired torpedoes, they
+frightened the cats with them. It was a warm afternoon; the red poppies
+were out wide, and the hot sun poured down on the alley-ways in the
+garden. There was a seething sound of a hot day in the buzzing of
+insects, in the steaming heat that came up from the ground. Some
+neighboring boys were firing a toy cannon. Every time it went off Mrs.
+Peterkin started, and looked to see if one of the little boys was gone.
+Mr. Peterkin had set out to find a copy of the "Declaration." Agamemnon
+had disappeared. She had not a moment to decide about her headache.
+
+She asked Ann Maria if she were not anxious about the fireworks, and if
+rockets were not dangerous. They went up, but you were never sure where
+they came down.
+
+And then came a fresh tumult! All the fire-engines in town rushed toward
+them, clanging with bells, men and boys yelling! They were out for a
+practice and for a Fourth-of-July show.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought the house was on fire, and so did some of the
+guests.
+
+There was great rushing hither and thither. Some thought they would
+better go home; some thought they would better stay. Mrs. Peterkin
+hastened into the house to save herself, or see what she could save.
+Elizabeth Eliza followed her, first proceeding to collect all the pokers
+and tongs she could find, because they could be thrown out of the window
+without breaking. She had read of people who had flung looking-glasses
+out of the window by mistake, in the excitement of the house being on
+fire, and had carried the pokers and tongs carefully into the garden.
+There was nothing like being prepared. She had always determined to do
+the reverse. So with calmness she told Solomon John to take down the
+looking-glasses. But she met with a difficulty,--there were no pokers and
+tongs, as they did not use them. They had no open fires; Mrs. Peterkin
+had been afraid of them. So Elizabeth Eliza took all the pots and
+kettles up to the upper windows, ready to be thrown out.
+
+But where was Mrs. Peterkin? Solomon John found she had fled to the
+attic in terror. He persuaded her to come down, assuring her it was the
+most unsafe place; but she insisted upon stopping to collect some bags
+of old pieces, that nobody would think of saving from the general wreck,
+she said, unless she did. Alas! this was the result of fireworks on
+Fourth of July! As they came downstairs they heard the voices of all the
+company declaring there was no fire; the danger was past. It was long
+before Mrs. Peterkin could believe it. They told her the fire company
+was only out for show, and to celebrate the Fourth of July. She thought
+it already too much celebrated.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza's kettles and pans had come down through the windows
+with a crash, that had only added to the festivities, the little boys
+thought.
+
+Mr. Peterkin had been roaming about all this time in search of a copy of
+the Declaration of Independence. The public library was shut, and he
+had to go from house to house; but now, as the sunset bells and cannon
+began, he returned with a copy, and read it, to the pealing of the bells
+and sounding of the cannon.
+
+Torpedoes and crackers were fired at every pause. Some sweet-marjoram
+pots, tin cans filled with crackers which were lighted, went off with
+great explosions.
+
+At the most exciting moment, near the close of the reading, Agamemnon,
+with an expression of terror, pulled Solomon John aside.
+
+"I have suddenly remembered where I read about the 'fulminating paste'
+we made. It was in the preface to 'Woodstock,' and I have been round to
+borrow the book to read the directions over again, because I was afraid
+about the 'paste' going off. READ THIS QUICKLY! and tell me, Where is
+the fulminating paste?"
+
+Solomon John was busy winding some covers of paper over a little parcel.
+It contained chlorate of potash and sulphur mixed. A friend had told him
+of the composition. The more thicknesses of paper you put round it the
+louder it would go off. You must pound it with a hammer. Solomon John
+felt it must be perfectly safe, as his mother had taken potash for a
+medicine.
+
+He still held the parcel as he read from Agamemnon's book: "This paste,
+when it has lain together about twenty-six hours, will of itself take
+fire, and burn all the sulphur away with a blue flame and a bad smell."
+
+"Where is the paste?" repeated Solomon John, in terror.
+
+"We made it just twenty-six hours ago," said Agamemnon.
+
+"We put it on the piazza," exclaimed Solomon John, rapidly recalling the
+facts, "and it is in front of our mother's feet!"
+
+He hastened to snatch the paste away before it should take fire,
+flinging aside the packet in his hurry. Agamemnon, jumping upon the
+piazza at the same moment, trod upon the paper parcel, which exploded at
+once with the shock, and he fell to the ground, while at the same moment
+the paste "fulminated" into a blue flame directly in front of Mrs.
+Peterkin!
+
+It was a moment of great confusion. There were cries and screams. The
+bells were still ringing, the cannon firing, and Mr. Peterkin had just
+reached the closing words: "Our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred
+honor."
+
+"We are all blown up, as I feared we should be," Mrs. Peterkin at
+length ventured to say, finding herself in a lilac-bush by the side of
+the piazza. She scarcely dared to open her eyes to see the scattered
+limbs about her.
+
+It was so with all. Even Ann Maria Bromwick clutched a pillar of the
+piazza, with closed eyes.
+
+At length Mr. Peterkin said, calmly, "Is anybody killed?"
+
+There was no reply. Nobody could tell whether it was because everybody
+was killed, or because they were too wounded to answer. It was a great
+while before Mrs. Peterkin ventured to move.
+
+But the little boys soon shouted with joy, and cheered the success of
+Solomon John's fireworks, and hoped he had some more. One of them had
+his face blackened by an unexpected cracker, and Elizabeth Eliza's
+muslin dress was burned here and there. But no one was hurt; no one had
+lost any limbs, though Mrs. Peterkin was sure she had seen some flying
+in the air. Nobody could understand how, as she had kept her eyes firmly
+shut.
+
+No greater accident had occurred than the singeing of the tip of Solomon
+John's nose. But there was an unpleasant and terrible odor from the
+"fulminating paste."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was extricated from the lilac-bush. No one knew how she
+got there.
+
+Indeed, the thundering noise had stunned everybody. It had roused the
+neighborhood even more than before. Answering explosions came on every
+side, and, though the sunset light had not faded away, the little boys
+hastened to send off rockets under cover of the confusion. Solomon
+John's other fireworks would not go. But all felt he had done enough.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin retreated into the parlor, deciding she really did have a
+headache. At times she had to come out when a rocket went off, to see
+if it was one of the little boys. She was exhausted by the adventures of
+the day, and almost thought it could not have been worse if the boys
+had been allowed gunpowder. The distracted lady was thankful there was
+likely to be but one Centennial Fourth in her lifetime, and declared she
+should never more keep anything in the house as dangerous as saltpetred
+beef, and she should never venture to take another spoonful of potash.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS' PICNIC.
+
+THERE was some doubt about the weather. Solomon John looked at the
+"Probabilities;" there were to be "areas" of rain in the New England
+States.
+
+Agamemnon thought if they could only know where the areas of rain were
+to be they might go to the others. Mr. Peterkin proposed walking round
+the house in a procession, to examine the sky. As they returned they
+met Ann Maria Bromwick, who was to go, much surprised not to find them
+ready.
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin were to go in the carryall, and take up the lady
+from Philadelphia, and Ann Maria, with the rest, was to follow in a
+wagon, and to stop for the daughters of the lady from Philadelphia. The
+wagon arrived, and so Mr. Peterkin had the horse put into the carryall.
+
+A basket had been kept on the back piazza for some days, where anybody
+could put anything that would be needed for the picnic as soon as it was
+thought of.
+
+Agamemnon had already decided to take a thermometer; somebody was always
+complaining of being too hot or too cold at a picnic, and it would be a
+great convenience to see if she really were so. He thought now he might
+take a barometer, as "Probabilities" was so uncertain. Then, if it went
+down in a threatening way, they could all come back.
+
+The little boys had tied their kites to the basket. They had never tried
+them at home; it might be a good chance on the hills. Solomon John
+had put in some fishing-poles; Elizabeth Eliza, a book of poetry. Mr.
+Peterkin did not like sitting on the ground, and proposed taking two
+chairs, one for himself and one for anybody else. The little boys were
+perfectly happy; they jumped in and out of the wagon a dozen times, with
+new india-rubber boots, bought for the occasion.
+
+Before they started, Mrs. Peterkin began to think she had already had
+enough of the picnic, what with going and coming, and trying to remember
+things. So many mistakes were made. The things that were to go in the
+wagon were put in the carryall, and the things in the carryall had to be
+taken out for the wagon!
+
+Elizabeth Eliza forgot her water-proof, and had to go back for her veil,
+and Mr.
+
+Peterkin came near forgetting his umbrella.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin sat on the piazza and tried to think. She felt as if she
+must have forgotten something; she knew she must. Why could not she
+think of it now, before it was too late? It seems hard any day to think
+what to have for dinner, but how much easier now it would be to stay at
+home quietly and order the dinner,--and there was the butcher's cart! But
+now they must think of everything.
+
+At last she was put into the carryall, and Mr. Peterkin in front to
+drive.
+
+Twice they started, and twice they found something was left behind,--the
+loaf of fresh brown bread on the back piazza, and a basket of sandwiches
+on the front porch. And just as the wagon was leaving, the little boys
+shrieked, "The basket of things was left behind!"
+
+Everybody got out of the wagon. Agamemnon went back into the house, to
+see if anything else were left. He looked into the closets; he shut
+the front door, and was so busy that he forgot to get into the wagon
+himself. It started off and went down the street without him!
+
+He was wondering what he should do if he were left behind (why had they
+not thought to arrange a telegraph wire to the back wheel of the
+wagon, so that he might have sent a message in such a case!), when the
+Bromwicks drove out of their yard in their buggy, and took him in.
+
+They joined the rest of the party at Tatham Corners, where they were
+all to meet and consult where they were to go. Mrs. Peterkin called to
+Agamemnon, as soon as he appeared. She had been holding the barometer
+and the thermometer, and they waggled so that it troubled her. It was
+hard keeping the thermometer out of the sun, which would make it so
+warm. It really took away her pleasure, holding the things. Agamemnon
+decided to get into the carryall, on the seat with his father, and take
+the barometer and thermometer.
+
+The consultation went on. Should they go to Cherry Swamp, or Lonetown
+Hill? You had the view if you went to Lonetown Hill, but maybe the drive
+to Cherry Swamp was prettier.
+
+Somebody suggested asking the lady from Philadelphia, as the picnic was
+got up for her.
+
+But where was she?
+
+"I declare," said Mr. Peterkin, "I forgot to stop for her!" The whole
+picnic there, and no lady from Philadelphia!
+
+It seemed the horse had twitched his head in a threatening manner as
+they passed the house, and Mr. Peterkin had forgotten to stop, and Mrs.
+Peterkin had been so busy managing the thermometers that she had not
+noticed, and the wagon had followed on behind.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was in despair. She knew they had forgotten something! She
+did not like to have Mr. Peterkin make a short turn, and it was getting
+late, and what would the lady from Philadelphia think of it, and had
+they not better give it all up?
+
+But everybody said "No!" and Mr. Peterkin said he could make a wide turn
+round the Lovejoy barn. So they made the turn, and took up the lady from
+Philadelphia, and the wagon followed behind and took up their daughters,
+for there was a driver in the wagon besides Solomon John.
+
+Ann Maria Bromwick said it was so late by this time, they might as well
+stop and have the picnic on the Common! But the question was put again,
+Where should they go?
+
+The lady from Philadelphia decided for Strawberry Nook--it sounded
+inviting.
+
+There were no strawberries, and there was no nook, it was said, but
+there was a good place to tie the horses.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was feeling a little nervous, for she did not know what
+the lady from Philadelphia would think of their having forgotten her,
+and the more she tried to explain it, the worse it seemed to make it.
+She supposed they never did such things in Philadelphia; she knew they
+had invited all the world to a party, but she was sure she would never
+want to invite anybody again. There was no fun about it till it was all
+over. Such a mistake--to have a party for a person, and then go without
+her; but she knew they would forget something! She wished they had not
+called it their picnic.
+
+There was another bother! Mr. Peterkin stopped. "Was anything broke?"
+exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin. "Was something forgotten?" asked the lady from
+Philadelphia.
+
+No! But Mr. Peterkin didn't know the way; and here he was leading all
+the party, and a long row of carriages following.
+
+They stopped, and it seemed nobody knew the way to Strawberry Nook,
+unless it was the Gibbons boys, who were far behind. They were made
+to drive up, and said that Strawberry Nook was in quite a different
+direction, but they could bring the party round to it through the
+meadows.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia thought they might stop anywhere, such a
+pleasant day, but Mr. Peterkin said they were started for Strawberry
+Nook, and had better keep on, So they kept on. It proved to be an
+excellent place, where they could tie the horses to a fence. Mrs.
+Peterkin did not like their all heading different ways; it seemed as if
+any of them might come at her, and tear up the fence, especially as the
+little boys had their kites flapping round. The Tremletts insisted upon
+the whole party going up the hill; it was too damp below. So the Gibbons
+boys, and the little boys and Agamemnon, and Solomon John, and all
+the party had to carry everything up to the rocks. The large basket of
+"things" was very heavy.
+
+It had been difficult to lift it into the wagon, and it was harder to
+take it out. But with the help of the driver, and Mr. Peterkin, and old
+Mr. Bromwick, it was got up the hill.
+
+And at last all was arranged. Mr. Peterkin was seated in his chair. The
+other was offered to the lady from Philadelphia, but she preferred the
+carriage cushions; so did old Mr. Bromwick. And the table-cloth was
+spread,--for they did bring a table-cloth,--and the baskets were opened,
+and the picnic really began.
+
+The pickles had tumbled into the butter, and the spoons had been
+forgotten, and the Tremletts' basket had been left on their front
+door-step. But nobody seemed to mind. Everybody was hungry, and
+everything they ate seemed of the best. The little boys were perfectly
+happy, and ate of all the kinds of cake. Two of the Tremletts would
+stand while they were eating, because they were afraid of the ants and
+the spiders that seemed to be crawling round. And Elizabeth Eliza had to
+keep poking with a fern leaf to drive the insects out of the plates.
+The lady from Philadelphia was made comfortable with the cushions and
+shawls, leaning against a rock. Mrs. Peterkin wondered if she forgot she
+had been forgotten.
+
+John Osborne said it was time for conundrums, and asked: "Why is a
+pastoral musical play better than the music we have here? Because one is
+a grasshopper, and the other is a grass-opera!"
+
+Elizabeth Eliza said she knew a conundrum, a very funny one, one of her
+friends in Boston had told her. It was, "Why is--" It began, "Why is
+something like--no, Why are they different?" It was something about an
+old woman, or else it was something about a young one. It was very
+funny, if she could only think what it was about, or whether it was
+alike or different.
+
+The lady from Philadelphia was proposing they should guess Elizabeth
+Eliza's conundrum, first the question, and then the answer, when one
+of the Tremletts came running down the hill, and declared she had just
+discovered a very threatening cloud, and she was sure it was going to
+rain down directly.
+
+Everybody started up, though no cloud was to be seen.
+
+There was a great looking for umbrellas and water-proofs. Then it
+appeared that Elizabeth Eliza had left hers, after all, though she had
+gone back for it twice.
+
+Mr. Peterkin knew he had not forgotten his umbrella, because he had put
+the whole umbrella-stand into the wagon, and it had been brought up the
+hill, but it proved to hold only the family canes!
+
+There was a great cry for the "emergency basket," that had not been
+opened yet.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin explained how for days the family had been putting into
+it what might be needed, as soon as anything was thought of. Everybody
+stopped to see its contents. It was carefully covered with newspapers.
+First came out a backgammon-board. "That would be useful," said Ann
+Maria, "if we have to spend the afternoon in anybody's barn." Next, a
+pair of andirons. "What were they for?" "In case of needing a fire
+in the woods," explained Solomon John. Then came a volume of the
+Encyclopędia. But it was the first volume, Agamemnon now regretted, and
+contained only A and a part of B, and nothing about rain or showers.
+Next, a bag of pea-nuts, put in by the little boys, and Elizabeth
+Eliza's book of poetry, and a change of boots for Mr. Peterkin; a small
+foot-rug in case the ground should be damp; some paint-boxes of the
+little boys'; a box of fish-hooks for Solomon John; an ink-bottle,
+carefully done up in a great deal of newspaper, which was fortunate, as
+the ink was oozing out; some old magazines, and a blacking-bottle;
+and at the bottom, a sun-dial. It was all very entertaining, and there
+seemed to be something for every occasion but the present. Old
+Mr. Bromwick did not wonder the basket was so heavy. It was all so
+interesting that nobody but the Tremletts went down to the carriages.
+
+The sun was shining brighter than ever, and Ann Maria insisted on
+setting up the sun-dial. Certainly there was no danger of a shower, and
+they might as well go on with the picnic. But when Solomon John and Ann
+Maria had arranged the sun-dial, they asked everybody to look at their
+watches, so that they might see if it was right. And then came a great
+exclamation at the hour: "It was time they were all going home!"
+
+The lady from Philadelphia had been wrapping her shawl about her, as she
+felt the sun was low. But nobody had any idea it was so late! Well, they
+had left late, and went back a great many times, had stopped sometimes
+to consult, and had been long on the road, and it had taken a long time
+to fetch up the things, so it was no wonder it was time to go away. But
+it had been a delightful picnic, after all.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS' CHARADES.
+
+EVER since the picnic the Peterkins had been wanting to have "something"
+at their house in the way of entertainment. The little boys wanted to
+get up a "great Exposition," to show to the people of the place. But Mr.
+Peterkin thought it too great an effort to send to foreign countries for
+"exhibits," and it was given up.
+
+There was, however, a new water-trough needed on the town common,
+and the ladies of the place thought it ought to be something
+handsome,--something more than a common trough,--and they ought to work
+for it.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza had heard at Philadelphia how much women had done, and
+she felt they ought to contribute to such a cause. She had an idea, but
+she would not speak of it at first, not until after she had written to
+the lady from Philadelphia. She had often thought, in many cases, if
+they had asked her advice first, they might have saved trouble.
+
+Still, how could they ask advice before they themselves knew what they
+wanted?
+
+It was very easy to ask advice, but you must first know what to ask
+about. And again: Elizabeth Eliza felt you might have ideas, but
+you could not always put them together. There was this idea of the
+water-trough, and then this idea of getting some money for it. So
+she began with writing to the lady from Philadelphia. The little boys
+believed she spent enough for it in postage-stamps before it all came
+out.
+
+But it did come out at last that the Peterkins were to have
+some charades at their own house for the benefit of the needed
+water-trough,--tickets sold only to especial friends. Ann Maria Bromwick
+was to help act, because she could bring some old bonnets and gowns that
+had been worn by an aged aunt years ago, and which they had always kept.
+Elizabeth Eliza said that Solomon John would have to be a Turk, and they
+must borrow all the red things and cashmere scarfs in the place. She
+knew people would be willing to lend things.
+
+Agamemnon thought you ought to get in something about the Hindoos, they
+were such an odd people. Elizabeth Eliza said you must not have it too
+odd, or people would not understand it, and she did not want anything to
+frighten her mother.
+
+She had one word suggested by the lady from Philadelphia in her
+letters,--the one that had "Turk" in it,--but they ought to have two words
+"Oh, yes," Ann Maria said, "you must have two words; if the people paid
+for their tickets they would want to get their money's worth."
+
+Solomon John thought you might have "Hindoos"; the little boys could
+color their faces brown, to look like Hindoos. You could have the first
+scene an Irishman catching a hen, and then paying the water-taxes for
+"dues," and then have the little boys for Hindoos.
+
+A great many other words were talked of, but nothing seemed to suit.
+There was a curtain, too, to be thought of, because the folding-doors
+stuck when you tried to open and shut them. Agamemnon said that the
+Pan-Elocutionists had a curtain they would probably lend John Osborne,
+and so it was decided to ask John Osborne to help.
+
+If they had a curtain they ought to have a stage. Solomon John said he
+was sure he had boards and nails enough, and it would be easy to make a
+stage if John Osborne would help put it up.
+
+All this talk was the day before the charades. In the midst of it Ann
+Maria went over for her old bonnets and dresses and umbrellas, and they
+spent the evening in trying on the various things,--such odd caps and
+remarkable bonnets! Solomon John said they ought to have plenty of
+bandboxes; if you only had bandboxes enough a charade was sure to go off
+well; he had seen charades in Boston. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin said there were plenty in their attic, and the little boys
+brought down piles of them, and the back parlor was filled with
+costumes.
+
+Ann Maria said she could bring over more things if she only knew what
+they were going to act. Elizabeth Eliza told her to bring anything she
+had,--it would all come of use.
+
+The morning came, and the boards were collected for the stage. Agamemnon
+and Solomon John gave themselves to the work, and John Osborne helped
+zealously. He said the Pan-Elocutionists would lend a scene also. There
+was a great clatter of bandboxes, and piles of shawls in corners, and
+such a piece of work in getting up the curtain! In the midst of it came
+in the little boys, shouting, "All the tickets are sold, at ten cents
+each!"
+
+"Seventy tickets sold!" exclaimed Agamemnon.
+
+"Seven dollars for the water-trough!" said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"And we do not know yet what we are going to act!" exclaimed Ann Maria.
+
+But everybody's attention had to be given to the scene that was going
+up in the background, borrowed from the Pan-Elocutionists. It was
+magnificent, and represented a forest.
+
+"Where are we going to put seventy people?" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin,
+venturing, dismayed, into the heaps of shavings, and boards, and litter.
+
+The little boys exclaimed that a large part of the audience consisted
+of boys, who would not take up much room. But how much clearing and
+sweeping and moving of chairs was necessary before all could be made
+ready! It was late, and some of the people had already come to secure
+good seats, even before the actors had assembled.
+
+"What are we going to act?" asked Ann Maria.
+
+"I have been so torn with one thing and another," said Elizabeth Eliza,
+"I haven't had time to think!"
+
+"Haven't you the word yet?" asked John Osborne, for the audience was
+flocking in, and the seats were filling up rapidly.
+
+"I have got one word in my pocket," said Elizabeth Eliza, "in the letter
+from the lady from Philadelphia. She sent me the parts of the word.
+Solomon John is to be a Turk, but I don't yet understand the whole of
+the word."
+
+"You don't know the word, and the people are all here!" said John
+Osborne, impatiently.
+
+"Elizabeth Eliza!" exclaimed Ann Maria, "Solomon John says I'm to be a
+Turkish slave, and I'll have to wear a veil. Do you know where the veils
+are? You know I brought them over last night."
+
+"Elizabeth Eliza! Solomon John wants you to send him the large cashmere
+scarf!" exclaimed one of the little boys, coming in.
+
+"Elizabeth Eliza! you must tell us what kind of faces to make up!" cried
+another of the boys.
+
+And the audience were heard meanwhile taking the seats on the other side
+of the thin curtain.
+
+"You sit in front, Mrs. Bromwick; you are a little hard of hearing; sit
+where you can hear."
+
+"And let Julia Fitch come where she can see," said another voice.
+
+"And we have not any words for them to hear or see!" exclaimed John
+Osborne, behind the curtain.
+
+"Oh, I wish we'd never determined to have charades! exclaimed Elizabeth
+Eliza.
+
+"Can't we return the money?"
+
+"They are all here; we must give them something!" said John Osborne,
+heroically.
+
+"And Solomon John is almost dressed," reported Ann Maria,
+winding a veil around her head.
+
+"Why don't we take Solomon John's word 'Hindoos' for the first?" said
+Agamemnon.
+
+John Osborne agreed to go in the first, hunting the "hin," or anything,
+and one of the little boys took the part of the hen, with the help of a
+feather duster.
+
+The bell rang, and the first scene began.
+
+It was a great success. John Osborne's Irish was perfect. Nobody guessed
+the word, for the hen crowed by mistake; but it received great applause.
+
+Mr. Peterkin came on in the second scene to receive the water-rates, and
+made a long speech on taxation. He was interrupted by Ann Maria as an
+old woman in a huge bonnet. She persisted in turning her back to the
+audience, speaking so low nobody heard her; and Elizabeth Eliza, who
+appeared in a more remarkable bonnet, was so alarmed she went directly
+back, saying she had forgotten something But this was supposed to be the
+effect intended, and it was loudly cheered.
+
+Then came a long delay, for the little boys brought out a number of
+their friends to be browned for Hindoos. Ann Maria played on the piano
+till the scene was ready. The curtain rose upon five brown boys done up
+in blankets and turbans.
+
+"I am thankful that is over," said Elizabeth Eliza, "for now we can act
+my word. Only I don't myself know the whole."
+
+"Never mind, let us act it," said John Osborne, "and the audience can
+guess the whole."
+
+"The first syllable must be the letter P," said Elizabeth Eliza, "and we
+must have a school."
+
+Agamemnon was master, and the little boys and their friends went on as
+scholars.
+
+All the boys talked and shouted at once, acting their idea of a school
+by flinging pea-nuts about, and scoffing at the master.
+
+"They'll guess that to be 'row,'" said John Osborne in despair; "they'll
+never guess 'P'!"
+
+The next scene was gorgeous. Solomon John, as a Turk, reclined on John
+Osborne's army-blanket. He had on a turban, and a long beard, and all
+the family shawls. Ann Maria and Elizabeth Eliza were brought in to him,
+veiled, by the little boys in their Hindoo costumes.
+
+This was considered the great scene of the evening, though Elizabeth
+Eliza was sure she did not know what to do,--whether to kneel or sit
+down; she did not know whether Turkish women did sit down, and she could
+not help laughing whenever she looked at Solomon John. He, however,
+kept his solemnity. "I suppose I need not say much," he had said, "for I
+shall be the 'Turk who was dreaming of the hour.'" But he did order
+the little boys to bring sherbet, and when they brought it without ice
+insisted they must have their heads cut off, and Ann Maria fainted, and
+the scene closed.
+
+"What are we to do now?" asked John Osborne, warming up to the occasion.
+
+"We must have an 'inn' scene," said Elizabeth Eliza, consulting her
+letter; "two inns, if we can."
+
+"We will have some travellers disgusted with one inn, and going
+to another," said John Osborne.
+
+"Now is the time for the bandboxes," said Solomon John, who, since
+his Turk scene was over, could give his attention to the rest of the
+charade.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza and Ann Maria went on as rival hostesses, trying to draw
+Solomon John, Agamemnon, and John Osborne into their several inns.
+The little boys carried valises, hand-bags, umbrellas, and bandboxes.
+Bandbox after bandbox appeared, and when Agamemnon sat down upon his the
+applause was immense. At last the curtain fell.
+
+"Now for the whole," said John Osborne, as he made his way off the stage
+over a heap of umbrellas.
+
+"I can't think why the lady from Philadelphia did not send me the
+whole," said Elizabeth Eliza, musing over the letter.
+
+"Listen, they are guessing," said John Osborne. "'D-ice-box.' I don't
+wonder they get it wrong."
+
+"But we know it can't be that!" exclaimed Elizabeth Eliza, in agony.
+"How can we act the whole if we don't know it ourselves?"
+
+"Oh, I see it!" said Ann Maria, clapping her hands. "Get your whole
+family in for the last scene."
+
+Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin were summoned to the stage, and formed the
+background, standing on stools; in front were Agamemnon and Solomon
+John, leaving room for Elizabeth Eliza between; a little in advance,
+and in front of all, half kneeling, were the little boys, in their
+india-rubber boots.
+
+The audience rose to an exclamation of delight, "The Peterkins!"
+"P-Turk-Inns!"
+
+It was not until this moment that Elizabeth Eliza guessed the whole.
+
+"What a tableau!" exclaimed Mr. Bromwick; "the Peterkin family guessing
+their own charade."
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS ARE OBLIGED TO MOVE.
+
+AGAMEMNON had long felt it an impropriety to live in a house that was
+called a "semi-detached" house, when there was no other "semi" to it.
+It had always remained wholly detached, as the owner had never built the
+other half. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin felt this was not a sufficient reason for undertaking the
+terrible process of a move to another house, when they were fully
+satisfied with the one they were in.
+
+But a more powerful reason forced them to go. The track of a new
+railroad had to be carried directly through the place, and a station was
+to be built on that very spot.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin so much dreaded moving that she questioned whether they
+could not continue to live in the upper part of the house and give up
+the lower part to the station. They could then dine at the restaurant,
+and it would be very convenient about travelling, as there would be no
+danger of missing the train, if one were sure of the direction.
+
+But when the track was actually laid by the side of the house, and the
+steam-engine of the construction train puffed and screamed under the
+dining-room windows, and the engineer calmly looked in to see what the
+family had for dinner, she felt, indeed, that they must move.
+
+But where should they go? It was difficult to find a house that
+satisfied the whole family. One was too far off, and looked into a
+tan-pit; another was too much in the middle of the town, next door to
+a machine-shop. Elizabeth Eliza wanted a porch covered with vines, that
+should face the sunset; while Mr.
+
+Peterkin thought it would not be convenient to sit there looking towards
+the west in the late afternoon (which was his only leisure time), for
+the sun would shine in his face. The little boys wanted a house with
+a great many doors, so that they could go in and out often. But Mr.
+Peterkin did not like so much slamming, and felt there was more danger
+of burglars with so many doors.
+
+Agamemnon wanted an observatory, and Solomon John a shed for a workshop.
+If he could have carpenters' tools and a workbench he could build an
+observatory, if it were wanted.
+
+But it was necessary to decide upon something, for they must leave
+their house directly. So they were obliged to take Mr. Finch's, at the
+Corners. It satisfied none of the family. The porch was a piazza, and
+was opposite a barn. There were three other doors,--too many to
+please Mr. Peterkin, and not enough for the little boys. There was no
+observatory, and nothing to observe if there were one, as the house was
+too low and some high trees shut out any view. Elizabeth Eliza had
+hoped for a view; but Mr. Peterkin con soled her by deciding it was more
+healthy to have to walk for a view, and Mrs. Peterkin agreed that they
+might get tired of the same every day.
+
+And everybody was glad a selection was made, and the little boys carried
+their india-rubber boots the very first afternoon.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza wanted to have some system in the moving, and spent the
+evening in drawing up a plan. It would be easy to arrange everything
+beforehand, so that there should not be the confusion that her mother
+dreaded, and the discomfort they had in their last move. Mrs. Peterkin
+shook her head; she did not think it possible to move with any comfort.
+Agamemnon said a great deal could be done with a list and a programme.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza declared if all were well arranged a programme would
+make it perfectly easy. They were to have new parlor carpets, which
+could be put down in the new house the first thing. Then the parlor
+furniture could be moved in, and there would be two comfortable rooms,
+in which Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin could sit while the rest of the move
+went on. Then the old parlor carpets could be taken up for the new
+dining-room and the downstairs bedroom, and the family could meanwhile
+dine at the old house. Mr. Peterkin did not object to this, though the
+distance was considerable, as he felt exercise would be good for them
+all.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza's programme then arranged that the dining-room furniture
+should be moved the third day, by which time one of the old parlor
+carpets would be down in the new dining-room, and they could still sleep
+in the old house. Thus there would always be a quiet, comfortable place
+in one house or the other. Each night, when Mr. Peterkin came home, he
+would find some place for quiet thought and rest, and each day there
+should be moved only the furniture needed for a certain room. Great
+confusion would be avoided and nothing misplaced. Elizabeth Eliza wrote
+these last words at the head of her programme,--"Misplace nothing."
+
+And Agamemnon made a copy of the programme for each member of the
+family.
+
+THE PETERKINS ARE MOVED.--Page 126. The first thing to be done was to
+buy the parlor carpets. Elizabeth Eliza had already looked at some
+in Boston, and the next morning she went, by an early train, with her
+father, Agamemnon, and Solomon John, to decide upon them.
+
+They got home about eleven o'clock, and when they reached the house
+were dismayed to find two furniture wagons in front of the gate, already
+partly filled! Mrs. Peterkin was walking in and out of the open door, a
+large book in one hand, and a duster in the other, and she came to meet
+them in an agony of anxiety. What should they do? The furniture carts
+had appeared soon after the rest had left for Boston, and the men
+had insisted upon beginning to move the things. In vain had she shown
+Elizabeth Eliza's programme; in vain had she insisted they must take
+only the parlor furniture. They had declared they must put the heavy
+pieces in the bottom of the cart, and the lighter furniture on top. So
+she had seen them go into every room in the house, and select one piece
+of furniture after another, without even looking at Elizabeth Eliza's
+programme; she doubted if they could have read it if they had looked at
+it.
+
+Mr. Peterkin had ordered the carters to come; but he had no idea they
+would come so early, and supposed it would take them a long time to fill
+the carts.
+
+But they had taken the dining-room sideboard first,--a heavy piece of
+furniture,--and all its contents were now on the dining-room tables.
+Then, indeed, they selected the parlor book-case, but had set every book
+on the floor The men had told Mrs. Peterkin they would put the books in
+the bottom of the cart, very much in the order they were taken from the
+shelves. But by this time Mrs. Peterkin was considering the carters as
+natural enemies, and dared not trust them; besides, the books ought all
+to be dusted. So she was now holding one of the volumes of Agamemnon's
+Encyclopędia, with difficulty, in one hand, while she was dusting it
+with the other. Elizabeth Eliza was in dismay. At this moment four men
+were bringing down a large chest of drawers from her father's room, and
+they called to her to stand out of the way. The parlors were a scene of
+confusion. In dusting the books Mrs. Peterkin neglected to restore them
+to the careful rows in which they were left by the men, and they lay in
+hopeless masses in different parts of the room. Elizabeth Eliza sunk in
+despair upon the end of a sofa.
+
+"It would have been better to buy the red and blue carpet," said Solomon
+John.
+
+"Is not the carpet bought?" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin. And then they were
+obliged to confess they had been unable to decide upon one, and had come
+back to consult Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"What shall we do?" asked Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza rose from the sofa and went to the door, saying, "I
+shall be back in a moment."
+
+Agamemnon slowly passed round the room, collecting the scattered volumes
+of his Encyclopędia. Mr. Peterkin offered a helping hand to a man
+lifting a wardrobe.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza soon returned. "I did not like to go and ask her. But
+I felt that I must in such an emergency. I explained to her the whole
+matter, and she thinks we should take the carpet at Makillan's."
+
+"Makillan's" was a store in the village, and the carpet was the only one
+all the family had liked without any doubt; but they had supposed they
+might prefer one from Boston.
+
+The moment was a critical one. Solomon John was sent directly to
+Makillan's to order the carpet to be put down that very day. But where
+should they dine? where should they have their supper? and where was Mr.
+Peterkin's "quiet hour"?
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was frantic; the dining-room floor and table were
+covered with things.
+
+It was decided that Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin should dine at the Bromwicks,
+who had been most neighborly in their offers, and the rest should get
+something to eat at the baker's.
+
+Agamemnon and Elizabeth Eliza hastened away to be ready to receive the
+carts at the other house, and direct the furniture as they could. After
+all there was something exhilarating in this opening of the new house,
+and in deciding where things should go. Gayly Elizabeth Eliza stepped
+down the front garden of the new home, and across the piazza, and to the
+door. But it was locked, and she had no keys!
+
+"Agamemnon, did you bring the keys?" she exclaimed.
+
+No, he had not seen them since the morning,--when--ah!--yes, the little
+boys were allowed to go to the house for their india-rubber boots,
+as there was a threatening of rain. Perhaps they had left some door
+unfastened--perhaps they had put the keys under the door-mat. No, each
+door, each window, was solidly closed, and there was no mat!
+
+"I shall have to go to the school to see if they took the keys with
+them," said Agamemnon; "or else go home to see if they left them there."
+The school was in a different direction from the house, and far at the
+other end of the town; for Mr. Peterkin had not yet changed the boys'
+school, as he proposed to do after their move.
+
+"That will be the only way," said Elizabeth Eliza; for it had been
+arranged that the little boys should take their lunch to school, and not
+come home at noon.
+
+She sat down on the steps to wait, but only for a moment, for the
+carts soon appeared, turning the corner. What should be done with the
+furniture? Of course the carters must wait for the keys, as she should
+need them to set the furniture up in the right places. But they could
+not stop for this. They put it down upon the piazza, on the steps, in
+the garden, and Elizabeth Eliza saw how incongruous it was! There was
+something from every room in the house! Even the large family chest,
+which had proved too heavy for them to travel with had come down from
+the attic, and stood against the front door.
+
+And Solomon John appeared with the carpet woman, and a boy with a
+wheelbarrow, bringing the new carpet. And all stood and waited. Some
+opposite neighbors appeared to offer advice and look on, and Elizabeth
+Eliza groaned inwardly that only the shabbiest of their furniture
+appeared to be standing full in view.
+
+It seemed ages before Agamemnon returned, and no wonder; for he had been
+to the house, then to the school, then back to the house, for one of
+the little boys had left the keys at home, in the pocket of his clothes.
+Meanwhile the carpet-woman had waited, and the boy with the wheelbarrow
+had waited, and when they got in they found the parlor must be swept and
+cleaned. So the carpet-woman went off in dudgeon, for she was sure there
+would not be time enough to do anything.
+
+And one of the carts came again, and in their hurry the men set the
+furniture down anywhere. Elizabeth Eliza was hoping to make a little
+place in the dining-room, where they might have their supper, and go
+home to sleep. But she looked out, and there were the carters bringing
+the bedsteads, and proceeding to carry them upstairs.
+
+In despair Elizabeth Eliza went back to the old house. If she had been
+there she might have prevented this. She found Mrs. Peterkin in an agony
+about the entry oil-cloth. It had been made in the house, and how could
+it be taken out of the house? Agamemnon made measurements; it certainly
+could not go out of the front door! He suggested it might be left till
+the house was pulled down, when it could easily be moved out of one
+side. But Elizabeth Eliza reminded him that the whole house was to
+be moved without being taken apart. Perhaps it could be cut in strips
+narrow enough to go out. One of the men loading the remaining cart
+disposed of the question by coming in and rolling up the oil-cloth and
+carrying it on on top of his wagon.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza felt she must hurry back to the new house. But what
+should they do?--no beds here, no carpets there! The dining-room table
+and sideboard were at the other house, the plates, and forks, and
+spoons here. In vain she looked at her programme. It was all reversed;
+everything was misplaced. Mr. Peterkin would suppose they were to eat
+here and sleep here, and what had become of the little boys?
+
+Meanwhile the man with the first cart had returned. They fell to packing
+the dining-room china.
+
+They were up in the attic, they were down in the cellar. Even one
+suggested to take the tacks out of the parlor carpets, as they should
+want to take them next.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin sunk upon a kitchen chair.
+
+"Oh, I wish we had decided to stay and be moved in the house!" she
+exclaimed.
+
+Solomon John urged his mother to go to the new house, for Mr. Peterkin
+would be there for his "quiet hour." And when the carters at last
+appeared, carrying the parlor carpets on their shoulders, she sighed and
+said, "There is nothing left," and meekly consented to be led away.
+
+They reached the new house to find Mr. Peterkin sitting calmly in a
+rocking-chair on the piazza, watching the oxen coming into the opposite
+barn. He was waiting for the keys, which Solomon John had taken back
+with him. The little boys were in a horse-chestnut tree, at the side of
+the house.
+
+Agamemnon opened the door. The passages were crowded with furniture, the
+floors were strewn with books; the bureau was upstairs that was to stand
+in a lower bedroom; there was not a place to lay a table,--there was
+nothing to lay upon it; for the knives and plates and spoons had not
+come, and although the tables were there they were covered with chairs
+and boxes.
+
+At this moment came a covered basket from the lady from Philadelphia. It
+contained a choice supper, and forks and spoons, and at the same moment
+appeared a pot of hot tea from an opposite neighbor. They placed all
+this on the back of a bookcase lying upset, and sat around it. Solomon
+John came rushing in from the gate.
+
+"The last load is coming! We are all moved!" he exclaimed; and the
+little boys joined in a chorus, "We are moved! we are moved!"
+
+Mrs. Peterkin looked sadly round; the kitchen utensils were lying on the
+parlor lounge, and an old family gun on Elizabeth Eliza's hat-box. The
+parlor clock stood on a barrel; some coal-scuttles had been placed on
+the parlor table, a bust of Washington stood in the door-way, and the
+looking-glasses leaned against the pillars of the piazza. But they were
+moved! Mrs. Peterkin felt, indeed, that they were very much moved.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS DECIDE TO LEARN THE LANGUAGES.
+
+CERTAINLY now was the time to study the languages. The Peterkins had
+moved into a new house, far more convenient than their old one, where
+they would have a place for everything and everything in its place. Of
+course they would then have more time.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza recalled the troubles of the old house, how for a long
+time she was obliged to sit outside of the window upon the piazza, when
+she wanted to play on her piano.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin reminded them of the difficulty about the table-cloths.
+The upper table-cloth was kept in a trunk that had to stand in front of
+the door to the closet under the stairs. But the under table-cloth was
+kept in a drawer in the closet. So, whenever the cloths were changed,
+the trunk had to be pushed away under some projecting shelves to make
+room for opening the closet-door (as the under table-cloth must be taken
+out first), then the trunk was pushed back to make room for it to be
+opened for the upper table-cloth, and, after all, it was necessary to
+push the trunk away again to open the closet-door for the knife-tray.
+This always consumed a great deal of time.
+
+Now that the china-closet was large enough, everything could find a
+place in it.
+
+Agamemnon especially enjoyed the new library. In the old house there was
+no separate room for books. The dictionaries were kept upstairs, which
+was very inconvenient, and the volumes of the Encyclopędia could not be
+together. There was not room for all in one place. So from A to P were
+to be found downstairs, and from Q to Z were scattered in different
+rooms upstairs. And the worst of it was, you could never remember
+whether from A to P included P. "I always went upstairs after P," said
+Agamemnon, "and then always found it downstairs, or else it was the
+other way."
+
+Of course now there were more conveniences for study. With the books all
+in one room, there would be no time wasted in looking for them.
+
+Mr. Peterkin suggested they should each take a separate language. If
+they went abroad, this would prove a great convenience. Elizabeth
+Eliza could talk French with the Parisians; Agamemnon, German with the
+Germans; Solomon John, Italian with the Italians; Mrs. Peterkin, Spanish
+in Spain; and perhaps he could himself master all the Eastern Languages
+and Russian.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was uncertain about undertaking the Spanish, but all the
+family felt very sure they should not go to Spain (as Elizabeth Eliza
+dreaded the Inquisition), and Mrs. Peterkin felt more willing.
+
+Still she had quite an objection to going abroad. She had always said
+she would not go till a bridge was made across the Atlantic, and she was
+sure it did not look like it now.
+
+Agamemnon said there was no knowing. There was something new every day,
+and a bridge was surely not harder to invent than a telephone, for they
+had bridges in the very earliest days.
+
+Then came up the question of the teachers. Probably these could be found
+in Boston. If they could all come the same day, three could be brought
+out in the carryall. Agamemnon could go in for them, and could learn a
+little on the way out and in.
+
+Mr. Peterkin made some inquiries about the Oriental languages. He was
+told that Sanscrit was at the root of all. So he proposed they should
+all begin with Sanscrit. They would thus require but one teacher, and
+could branch out into the other languages afterward.
+
+But the family preferred learning the separate languages. Elizabeth
+Eliza already knew something of the French. She had tried to talk
+it, without much success, at the Centennial Exhibition, at one of the
+side-stands. But she found she had been talking with a Moorish gentleman
+who did not understand French. Mr.
+
+Peterkin feared they might need more libraries, if all the teachers came
+at the same hour; but Agamemnon reminded him that they would be using
+different dictionaries. And Mr. Peterkin thought something might be
+learned by having them all at once. Each one might pick up something
+beside the language he was studying, and it was a great thing to learn
+to talk a foreign language while others were talking about you. Mrs.
+Peterkin was afraid it would be like the Tower of Babel, and hoped it
+was all right.
+
+Agamemnon brought forward another difficulty. Of course they ought to
+have foreign teachers, who spoke only their native languages. But, in
+this case, how could they engage them to come, or explain to them about
+the carryall, or arrange the proposed hours? He did not understand how
+anybody ever began with a foreigner, because he could not even tell him
+what he wanted.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza thought a great deal might be done by signs and
+pantomime.
+
+Solomon John and the little boys began to show how it might be done.
+Elizabeth Eliza explained how "langues" meant both "languages" and
+"tongues," and they could point to their tongues. For practice, the
+little boys represented the foreign teachers talking in their different
+languages, and Agamemnon and Solomon John went to invite them to come
+out, and teach the family by a series of signs.
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought their success was admirable, and that they might
+almost go abroad without any study of the languages, and trust to
+explaining themselves by signs. Still, as the bridge was not yet made,
+it might be as well to wait and cultivate the languages.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was afraid the foreign teachers might imagine they were
+invited out to lunch. Solomon John had constantly pointed to his mouth
+as he opened it and shut it, putting out his tongue; and it looked a
+great deal more as if he were inviting them to eat, than asking them
+to teach. Agamemnon suggested that they might carry the separate
+dictionaries when they went to see the teachers, and that would show
+that they meant lessons, and not lunch.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was not sure but she ought to prepare a lunch for them,
+if they had come all that way; but she certainly did not know what they
+were accustomed to eat.
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought this would be a good thing to learn of the
+foreigners. It would be a good preparation for going abroad, and they
+might get used to the dishes before starting. The little boys were
+delighted at the idea of having new things cooked. Agamemnon had heard
+that beer-soup was a favorite dish with the Germans, and he would
+inquire how it was made in the first lesson. Solomon John had heard they
+were all very fond of garlic, and thought it would be a pretty attention
+to have some in the house the first day, that they might be cheered by
+the odor.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza wanted to surprise the lady from Philadelphia by her
+knowledge of French, and hoped to begin on her lessons before the
+Philadelphia family arrived for their annual visit.
+
+There were still some delays. Mr. Peterkin was very anxious to obtain
+teachers who had been but a short time in this country. He did not want
+to be tempted to talk any English with them. He wanted the latest
+and freshest languages, and at last came home one day with a list of
+"brand-new foreigners."
+
+They decided to borrow the Bromwicks' carryall to use, beside their own,
+for the first day, and Mr. Peterkin and Agamemnon drove into town to
+bring all the teachers out. One was a Russian gentleman, travelling, who
+came with no idea of giving lessons, but perhaps he would consent to do
+so. He could not yet speak English.
+
+Mr. Peterkin had his card-case, and the cards of the several gentlemen
+who had recommended the different teachers, and he went with Agamemnon
+from hotel to hotel collecting them. He found them all very polite,
+and ready to come, after the explanation by signs agreed upon. The
+dictionaries had been forgotten, but Agamemnon had a directory, which
+looked the same, and seemed to satisfy the foreigners.
+
+Mr. Peterkin was obliged to content himself with the Russian instead
+of one who could teach Sanscrit, as there was no new teacher of that
+language lately arrived.
+
+But there was an unexpected difficulty in getting the Russian gentleman
+into the same carriage with the teacher of Arabic, for he was a Turk,
+sitting with a fez on his head, on the back seat! They glared at each
+other, and began to assail each other in every language they knew, none
+of which Mr. Peterkin could understand. It might be Russian, it might be
+Arabic. It was easy to understand that they would never consent to sit
+in the same carriage. Mr. Peterkin was in despair; he had forgotten
+about the Russian war! What a mistake to have invited the Turk!
+
+Quite a crowd collected on the sidewalk in front of the hotel. But the
+French gentleman politely, but stiffly, invited the Russian to go with
+him in the first carryall. Here was another difficulty. For the German
+professor was quietly ensconced on the back seat! As soon as the French
+gentleman put his foot on the step and saw him, he addressed him in
+such forcible language that the German professor got out of the door the
+other side, and came round on the sidewalk, and took him by the collar.
+Certainly the German and French gentlemen could not be put together, and
+more crowd collected!
+
+Agamemnon, however, had happily studied up the German word "Herr," and
+he applied it to the German, inviting him by signs to take a seat in the
+other carryall. The German consented to sit by the Turk, as they neither
+of them could understand the other; and at last they started, Mr.
+Peterkin with the Italian by his side, and the French and Russian
+teachers behind, vociferating to each other in languages unknown to
+Mr. Peterkin, while he feared they were not perfectly in harmony, so
+he drove home as fast as possible. Agamemnon had a silent party. The
+Spaniard by his side was a little moody, while the Turk and the German
+behind did not utter a word.
+
+At last they reached the house, and were greeted by Mrs. Peterkin
+and Elizabeth Eliza, Mrs. Peterkin with her llama lace shawl over her
+shoulders, as a tribute to the Spanish teacher. Mr. Peterkin was careful
+to take his party in first, and deposit them in a distant part of the
+library, far from the Turk or the German, even putting the Frenchman and
+Russian apart.
+
+Solomon John found the Italian dictionary, and seated himself by his
+Italian; Agamemnon, with the German dictionary, by the German. The
+little boys took their copy of the "Arabian Nights" to the Turk. Mr.
+Peterkin attempted to explain to the Russian that he had no Russian
+dictionary, as he had hoped to learn Sanscrit of him, while Mrs.
+Peterkin was trying to inform her teacher that she had no books in
+Spanish. She got over all fears of the Inquisition, he looked so sad,
+and she tried to talk a little, using English words, but very slowly,
+and altering the accent as far as she knew how. The Spaniard bowed,
+looked gravely interested, and was very polite.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza, meanwhile, was trying her grammar phrases with the
+Parisian.
+
+She found it easier to talk French than to understand him. But
+he understood perfectly her sentences. She repeated one of her
+vocabularies, and went on with--"J'ai le livre." "As-tu le pain?"
+"L'enfant a une poire." He listened with great attention, and replied
+slowly. Suddenly she started after making out one of his sentences, and
+went to her mother to whisper, "They have made the mistake you feared.
+They think they are invited to lunch! He has just been thanking me for
+our politeness in inviting them to déjeūner,--that means breakfast!"
+
+"They have not had their breakfast!" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, looking at
+her Spaniard; "he does look hungry! What shall we do?"
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was consulting her father. What should they do? How
+should they make them understand that they invited them to teach, not
+lunch. Elizabeth Eliza begged Agamemnon to look out "apprendre" in the
+dictionary. It must mean to teach. Alas, they found it means both to
+teach and to learn! What should they do? The foreigners were now sitting
+silent in their different corners. The Spaniard grew more and more
+sallow. What if he should faint? The Frenchman was rolling up each of
+his mustaches to a point as he gazed at the German. What if the Russian
+should fight the Turk? What if the German should be exasperated by the
+airs of the Parisian?
+
+"We must give them something to eat," said Mr. Peterkin, in a low tone.
+"It would calm them."
+
+"If I only knew what they were used to eating," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+Solomon John suggested that none of them knew what the others were used
+to eating, and they might bring in anything.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin hastened out with hospitable intents. Amanda could make
+good coffee. Mr. Peterkin had suggested some American dish. Solomon John
+sent a little boy for some olives.
+
+It was not long before the coffee came in, and a dish of baked beans.
+Next, some olives and a loaf of bread, and some boiled eggs, and some
+bottles of beer. The effect was astonishing. Every man spoke his own
+tongue, and fluently. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin poured out coffee for the Spaniard, while he bowed to her. They
+all liked beer, they all liked olives. The Frenchman was fluent about
+"les moeurs Américaines." Elizabeth Eliza supposed he alluded to their
+not having set any table. The Turk smiled, the Russian was voluble. In
+the midst of the clang of the different languages, just as Mr. Peterkin
+was again repeating, under cover of the noise of many tongues, "How
+shall we make them understand that we want them to teach?"--at this
+very moment the door was flung open, and there came in the lady from
+Philadelphia, that day arrived, her first call of the season!
+
+She started back in terror at the tumult of so many different languages!
+The family, with joy, rushed to meet her. All together they called
+upon her to explain for them. Could she help them? Could she tell the
+foreigners they wanted to take lessons? Lessons? They had no sooner
+uttered the word than their guests all started up with faces beaming
+with joy. It was the one English word they all knew! They had come to
+Boston to give lessons! The Russian traveller had hoped to learn English
+in this way. The thought pleased them more than the déjeūner.
+
+Yes, gladly would they give lessons. The Turk smiled at the idea. The
+first step was taken. The teachers knew they were expected to teach.
+
+
+
+
+MODERN IMPROVEMENTS AT THE PETERKINS'.
+
+AGAMEMNON felt that it became necessary for him to choose a profession.
+It was important on account of the little boys. If he should make a
+trial of several different professions he could find out which would be
+the most likely to be successful, and it would then be easy to bring up
+the little boys in the right direction.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza agreed with this. She thought the family occasionally
+made mistakes, and had come near disgracing themselves. Now was their
+chance to avoid this in future by giving the little boys a proper
+education.
+
+Solomon John was almost determined to become a doctor. From earliest
+childhood he had practiced writing recipes on little slips of paper.
+Mrs. Peterkin, to be sure, was afraid of infection. She could not bear
+the idea of his bringing one disease after the other into the family
+circle. Solomon John, too, did not like sick people. He thought he might
+manage it if he should not have to see his patients while they were
+sick. If he could only visit them when they were recovering, and when
+the danger of infection was over, he would really enjoy making calls.
+
+He should have a comfortable doctor's chaise, and take one of the little
+boys to hold his horse while he went in, and he thought he could get
+through the conversational part very well, and feeling the pulse,
+perhaps looking at the tongue. He should take and read all the
+newspapers, and so be thoroughly acquainted with the news of the day to
+talk of. But he should not like to be waked up at night to visit. Mr.
+Peterkin thought that would not be necessary. He had seen signs on doors
+of "Night Doctor," and certainly it would be as convenient to have a
+sign of "Not a Night Doctor."
+
+Solomon John thought he might write his advice to those of his patients
+who were dangerously ill, from whom there was danger of infection. And
+then Elizabeth Eliza agreed that his prescriptions would probably be so
+satisfactory that they would keep his patients well,--not too well to do
+without a doctor, but needing his recipes.
+
+Agamemnon was delayed, however, in his choice of a profession, by a
+desire he had to become a famous inventor. If he could only invent
+something important, and get out a patent, he would make himself known
+all over the country. If he could get out a patent he would be set up
+for life, or at least as long as the patent lasted, and it would be well
+to be sure to arrange it to last through his natural life.
+
+Indeed, he had gone so far as to make his invention. It had been
+suggested by their trouble with a key, in their late moving to their new
+house. He had studied the matter over a great deal. He looked it up in
+the Encyclopędia, and had spent a day or two in the Public Library, in
+reading about Chubb's Lock and other patent locks.
+
+But his plan was more simple. It was this: that all keys should be made
+alike!
+
+He wondered it had not been thought of before; but so it was, Solomon
+John said, with all inventions, with Christopher Columbus, and
+everybody. Nobody knew the invention till it was invented, and then it
+looked very simple. With Agamemnon's plan you need have but one key,
+that should fit everything! It should be a medium-sized key, not too
+large to carry. It ought to answer for a house door, but you might open
+a portmanteau with it. How much less danger there would be of losing
+one's keys if there were only one to lose!
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought it would be inconvenient if their father were out,
+and she wanted to open the jam-closet for the little boys. But Agamemnon
+explained that he did not mean there should be but one key in the
+family, or in a town,--you might have as many as you pleased, only they
+should all be alike.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza felt it would be a great convenience,--they could keep
+the front door always locked, yet she could open it with the key of her
+upper drawer; that she was sure to have with her. And Mrs. Peterkin felt
+it might be a convenience if they had one on each story, so that they
+need not go up and down for it.
+
+Mr. Peterkin studied all the papers and advertisements, to decide about
+the lawyer whom they should consult, and at last, one morning, they went
+into town to visit a patent-agent.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza took the occasion to make a call upon the lady from
+Philadelphia, but she came back hurriedly to her mother.
+
+"I have had a delightful call," she said; "but--perhaps I was wrong--I
+could not help, in conversation, speaking of Agamemnon's proposed
+patent. I ought not to have mentioned it, as such things are kept
+profound secrets; they say women always do tell things; I suppose that
+is the reason."
+
+"But where is the harm?" asked Mrs. Peterkin. "I'm sure you can trust
+the lady from Philadelphia."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza then explained that the lady from Philadelphia had
+questioned the plan a little when it was told her, and had suggested
+that "if everybody had the same key there would be no particular use in
+a lock."
+
+"Did you explain to her," said Mrs. Peterkin, "that we were not all
+to have the same keys?"
+
+"I couldn't quite understand her," said Elizabeth Eliza, "but she seemed
+to think that burglars and other people might come in if the keys were
+the same."
+
+"Agamemnon would not sell his patent to burglars!" said Mrs. Peterkin,
+indignantly.
+
+"But about other people," said Elizabeth Eliza; "there is my upper
+drawer; the little boys might open it at Christmas-time,--and their
+presents in it!"
+
+"And I am not sure that I could trust Amanda," said Mrs. Peterkin,
+considering.
+
+Both she and Elizabeth Eliza felt that Mr. Peterkin ought to know what
+the lady from Philadelphia had suggested. Elizabeth Eliza then proposed
+going into town, but it would take so long she might not reach them in
+time. A telegram would be better, and she ventured to suggest using the
+Telegraph Alarm.
+
+For, on moving into their new house, they had discovered it was provided
+with all the modern improvements. This had been a disappointment to Mrs.
+Peterkin, for she was afraid of them, since their experience the last
+winter, when their water-pipes were frozen up. She had been originally
+attracted to the house by an old pump at the side, which had led her
+to believe there were no modern improvements. It had pleased the little
+boys, too. They liked to pump the handle up and down, and agreed to pump
+all the water needed, and bring it into the house.
+
+There was an old well, with a picturesque well-sweep, in a corner by the
+barn.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was frightened by this at first. She was afraid the little
+boys would be falling in every day. And they showed great fondness for
+pulling the bucket up and down. It proved, however, that the well was
+dry. There was no water in it; so she had some moss thrown down, and an
+old feather-bed, for safety, and the old well was a favorite place of
+amusement.
+
+The house, it had proved, was well furnished with bath-rooms, and "set-
+waters" everywhere. Water-pipes and gas-pipes all over the house; and a
+hack-, telegraph-, and fire-alarm, with a little knob for each.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was very anxious. She feared the little boys would be
+summoning somebody all the time, and it was decided to conceal from
+them the use of the knobs, and the card of directions at the side was
+destroyed. Agamemnon had made one of his first inventions to help this.
+He had arranged a number of similar knobs to be put in rows in different
+parts of the house, to appear as if they were intended for ornament, and
+had added some to the original knobs. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin felt more secure, and Agamemnon thought of taking out a patent
+for this invention.
+
+It was, therefore, with some doubt that Elizabeth Eliza proposed sending
+a telegram to her father. Mrs. Peterkin, however, was pleased with the
+idea.
+
+Solomon John was out, and the little boys were at school, and she
+herself would touch the knob, while Elizabeth Eliza should write the
+telegram.
+
+"I think it is the fourth knob from the beginning," she said, looking at
+one of the rows of knobs.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was sure of this. Agamemnon, she believed, had put three
+extra knobs at each end.
+
+"But which is the end, and which is the beginning,--the top or the
+bottom?" Mrs.
+
+Peterkin asked hopelessly.
+
+Still she bravely selected a knob, and Elizabeth Eliza hastened with her
+to look out for the messenger. How soon should they see the telegraph
+boy?
+
+They seemed to have scarcely reached the window, when a terrible
+noise was heard, and down the shady street the white horses of the
+fire-brigade were seen rushing at a fatal speed!
+
+It was a terrific moment!
+
+"I have touched the fire-alarm," Mrs. Peterkin exclaimed.
+
+Both rushed to open the front door in agony. By this time the
+fire-engines were approaching.
+
+"Do not be alarmed," said the chief engineer; "the furniture shall be
+carefully covered, and we will move all that is necessary."
+
+"Move again!" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, in agony.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza strove to explain that she was only sending a telegram
+to her father, who was in Boston.
+
+"It is not important," said the head engineer; "the fire will all be
+out before it could reach him."
+
+And he ran upstairs, for the engines were beginning to play upon the
+roof.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin rushed to the knobs again hurriedly; there was more
+necessity for summoning Mr. Peterkin home.
+
+"Write a telegram to your father," she said to Elizabeth Eliza, "to
+'come home directly.'"
+
+"That will take but three words," said Elizabeth Eliza, with presence of
+mind, "and we need ten. I was just trying to make them out."
+
+"What has come now?" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, and they hurried
+again to the window, to see a row of carriages coming down the street.
+
+"I must have touched the carriage-knob," cried Mrs. Peterkin, "and I
+pushed it half-a-dozen times I felt so anxious!"
+
+Six hacks stood before the door. All the village boys were assembling.
+Even their own little boys had returned from school, and were showing
+the firemen the way to the well.
+
+Again Mrs. Peterkin rushed to the knobs, and a fearful sound arose. She
+had touched the burglar-alarm!
+
+The former owner of the house, who had a great fear of burglars, had
+invented a machine of his own, which he had connected with a knob. A
+wire attached to the knob moved a spring that could put in motion a
+number of watchmen's rattles, hidden under the eaves of the piazza.
+
+All these were now set a-going, and their terrible din roused those of
+the neighborhood who had not before assembled around the house. At this
+moment Elizabeth Eliza met the chief engineer.
+
+"You need not send for more help," he said; "we have all the engines
+in town here, and have stirred up all the towns in the neighborhood;
+there's no use in springing any more alarms. I can't find the fire yet,
+but we have water pouring all over the house."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza waved her telegram in the air.
+
+"We are only trying to send a telegram to my father and brother, who are
+in town," she endeavored to explain.
+
+"If it is necessary," said the chief engineer, "you might send it down
+in one of the hackney carriages. I see a number standing before the
+door. We'd better begin to move the heavier furniture, and some of you
+women might fill the carriages with smaller things."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was ready to fall into hysterics. She controlled herself
+with a supreme power, and hastened to touch another knob.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza corrected her telegram, and decided to take the advice
+of the chief engineer and went to the door to give her message to one of
+the hackmen, when she saw a telegraph boy appear. Her mother had touched
+the right knob. It was the fourth from the beginning; but the beginning
+was at the other end!
+
+She went out to meet the boy, when, to her joy, she saw behind him her
+father and Agamemnon. She clutched her telegram, and hurried toward
+them.
+
+Mr. Peterkin was bewildered. Was the house on fire? If so, where were
+the flames?
+
+He saw the row of carriages. Was there a funeral, or a wedding? Who was
+dead?
+
+Who was to be married?
+
+He seized the telegram that Elizabeth Eliza reached to him, and read it
+aloud.
+
+"Come to us directly--the house is NOT on fire!"
+
+The chief engineer was standing on the steps.
+
+"The house not on fire!" he exclaimed. "What are we all summoned for?"
+
+"It is a mistake," cried Elizabeth Eliza, wringing her hands. "We
+touched the wrong knob; we wanted the telegraph boy!"
+
+"We touched all the wrong knobs," exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin, from the
+house.
+
+The chief engineer turned directly to give counter-directions, with a
+few exclamations of disgust, as the bells of distant fire-engines were
+heard approaching.
+
+Solomon John appeared at this moment, and proposed taking one of the
+carriages, and going for a doctor for his mother, for she was now nearly
+ready to fall into hysterics, and Agamemnon thought to send a telegram
+down by the boy, for the evening papers, to announce that the Peterkins'
+house had not been on fire.
+
+The crisis of the commotion had reached its height. The beds of flowers,
+bordered with dark-colored leaves, were trodden down by the feet of the
+crowd that had assembled.
+
+The chief engineer grew more and more indignant, as he sent his men to
+order back the fire-engines from the neighboring towns. The collection
+of boys followed the procession as it went away. The fire-brigade
+hastily removed covers from some of the furniture, restored the rest to
+their places, and took away their ladders. Many neighbors remained, but
+Mr. Peterkin hastened into the house to attend to Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza took an opportunity to question her father, before he
+went in, as to the success of their visit to town.
+
+"We saw all the patent-agents," answered Mr. Peterkin, in a hollow
+whisper. "Not one of them will touch the patent, or have anything to do
+with it."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza looked at Agamemnon, as he walked silently into the
+house. She would not now speak to him of the patent; but she recalled
+some words of Solomon John. When they were discussing the patent he
+had said that many an inventor had grown gray before his discovery was
+acknowledged by the public. Others might reap the harvest, but it came,
+perhaps, only when he was going to his grave.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza looked at Agamemnon reverently, and followed him
+silently into the house.
+
+
+
+
+AGAMEMNON'S CAREER.
+
+THERE had apparently been some mistake in Agamemnon's education. He had
+been to a number of colleges, indeed, but he had never completed his
+course in any one.
+
+He had continually fallen into some difficulty with the authorities. It
+was singular, for he was of an inquiring mind, and had always tried to
+find out what would be expected of him, but had never hit upon the right
+thing.
+
+Solomon John thought the trouble might be in what they called the
+elective system, where you were to choose what study you might take.
+This had always bewildered Agamemnon a good deal.
+
+"And how was a feller to tell," Solomon John had asked, "whether he
+wanted to study a thing before he tried it? It might turn out awful
+hard!"
+
+Agamemnon had always been fond of reading, from his childhood up. He was
+at his book all day long. Mrs Peterkin had imagined he would come out a
+great scholar, because she could never get him away from his books.
+
+And so it was in his colleges; he was always to be found in the library,
+reading and reading. But they were always the wrong books.
+
+For instance: the class were required to prepare themselves on the
+Spartan war.
+
+This turned Agamemnon's attention to the Fenians, and to study the
+subject he read up on "Charles O'Malley," and "Harry Lorrequer," and
+some later novels of that sort, which did not help him on the subject
+required, yet took up all his time, so that he found himself unfitted
+for anything else when the examinations came. In consequence he was
+requested to leave.
+
+Agamemnon always missed in his recitations, for the same reason that
+Elizabeth Eliza did not get on in school, because he was always asked
+the questions he did not know. It seemed provoking; if the professors
+had only asked something else!
+
+But they always hit upon the very things he had not studied up.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin felt this was encouraging, for Agamemnon knew the things
+they did not know in colleges. In colleges they were willing to take
+for students only those who already knew certain things. She thought
+Agamemnon might be a professor in a college for those students who
+didn't know those things.
+
+"I suppose these professors could not have known a great deal," she
+added, "or they would not have asked you so many questions; they would
+have told you something."
+
+Agamemnon had left another college on account of a mistake he had made
+with some of his classmates. They had taken a great deal of trouble to
+bring some wood from a distant wood-pile to make a bonfire with,
+under one of the professors' windows. Agamemnon had felt it would be a
+compliment to the professor.
+
+It was with bonfires that heroes had been greeted on their return from
+successful wars. In this way beacon-lights had been kindled upon lofty
+heights, that had inspired mariners seeking their homes after distant
+adventures. As he plodded back and forward he imagined himself some hero
+of antiquity. He was reading "Plutarch's Lives" with deep interest. This
+had been recommended at a former college, and he was now taking it up in
+the midst of his French course.
+
+He fancied, even, that some future Plutarch was growing up in Lynn,
+perhaps, who would write of this night of suffering, and glorify its
+heroes.
+
+For himself he took a severe cold and suffered from chilblains, in
+consequence of going back and forward through the snow, carrying the
+wood.
+
+But the flames of the bonfire caught the blinds of the professor's
+room, and set fire to the building, and came near burning up the whole
+institution. Agamemnon regretted the result as much as his predecessor,
+who gave him his name, must have regretted that other bonfire, on the
+shores of Aulis, that deprived him of a daughter.
+
+The result for Agamemnon was that he was requested to leave, after
+having been in the institution but a few months.
+
+He left another college in consequence of a misunderstanding about the
+hour for morning prayers. He went every day regularly at ten o'clock,
+but found, afterward, that he should have gone at half-past six. This
+hour seemed to him and to Mrs. Peterkin unseasonable, at a time of year
+when the sun was not up, and he would have been obliged to go to the
+expense of candles.
+
+Agamemnon was always willing to try another college, wherever he could
+be admitted. He wanted to attain knowledge, however it might be found.
+But, after going to five, and leaving each before the year was out, he
+gave it up.
+
+He determined to lay out the money that would have been expended in a
+collegiate education in buying an Encyclopędia, the most complete that
+he could find, and to spend his life studying it systematically. He
+would not content himself with merely reading it, but he would study
+into each subject as it came up, and perfect himself in that subject.
+By the time, then, that he had finished the Encyclopędia he should have
+embraced all knowledge, and have experienced much of it.
+
+The family were much interested in this plan of making practice of every
+subject that came up.
+
+He did not, of course, get on very fast in this way. In the second
+column of the very first page he met with A as a note in music. This led
+him to the study of music. He bought a flute, and took some lessons, and
+attempted to accompany Elizabeth Eliza on the piano. This, of course,
+distracted him from his work on the Encyclopędia. But he did not wish to
+return to A until he felt perfect in music. This required a long time.
+
+Then in this same paragraph a reference was made; in it he was requested
+to "see Keys." It was necessary, then, to turn to "Keys." This was
+about the time the family were moving, which we have mentioned, when the
+difficult subject of keys came up, that suggested to him his own simple
+invention, and the hope of getting a patent for it. This led him astray,
+as inventions before have done with master-minds, so that he was drawn
+aside from his regular study.
+
+The family, however, were perfectly satisfied with the career Agamemnon
+had chosen. It would help them all, in any path of life, if he should
+master the Encyclopędia in a thorough way.
+
+Mr. Peterkin agreed it would in the end be not as expensive as a college
+course, even if Agamemnon should buy all the different Encyclopędias
+that appeared.
+
+There would be no "spreads" involved; no expense of receiving friends at
+entertainments in college; he could live at home, so that it would not
+be necessary to fit up another room, as at college. At all the times of
+his leaving he had sold out favorably to other occupants.
+
+Solomon John's destiny was more uncertain. He was looking forward
+to being a doctor some time, but he had not decided whether to be
+allopathic or homeopathic, or whether he could not better invent his own
+pills. And he could not understand how to obtain his doctor's degree.
+
+For a few weeks he acted as clerk in a druggist's store. But he could
+serve only in the toothbrush and soap department, because it was found
+he was not familiar enough with the Latin language to compound the
+drugs. He agreed to spend his evenings in studying the Latin grammar;
+but his course was interrupted by his being dismissed for treating the
+little boys too frequently to soda.
+
+The little boys were going through the schools regularly. The family had
+been much exercised with regard to their education. Elizabeth Eliza
+felt that everything should be expected from them; they ought to take
+advantage from the family mistakes. Every new method that came up was
+tried upon the little boys.
+
+They had been taught spelling by all the different systems, and were
+just able to read, when Mr. Peterkin learned that it was now considered
+best that children should not be taught to read till they were ten years
+old.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was in despair. Perhaps, if their books were taken from
+them even then, they might forget what they had learned. But no, the
+evil was done; the brain had received certain impressions that could not
+be blurred over.
+
+This was long ago, however. The little boys had since entered the public
+schools. They went also to a gymnasium, and a whittling school, and
+joined a class in music, and another in dancing; they went to some
+afternoon lectures for children, when there was no other school, and
+belonged to a walking-club. Still Mr. Peterkin was dissatisfied by the
+slowness of their progress. He visited the schools himself, and found
+that they did not lead their classes. It seemed to him a great deal of
+time was spent in things that were not instructive, such as putting on
+and taking off their india-rubber boots.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza proposed that they should be taken from school and
+taught by Agamemnon from the Encyclopędia. The rest of the family might
+help in the education at all hours of the day. Solomon John could take
+up the Latin grammar, and she could give lessons in French.
+
+The little boys were enchanted with the plan, only they did not want to
+have the study-hours all the time.
+
+Mr. Peterkin, however, had a magnificent idea, that they should make
+their life one grand Object Lesson. They should begin at breakfast, and
+study everything put upon the table,--the material of which it was made,
+and where it came from.
+
+In the study of the letter A, Agamemnon had embraced the study of music,
+and from one meal they might gain instruction enough for a day.
+
+"We shall have the assistance," said Mr. Peterkin, "of Agamemnon, with
+his Encyclopędia."
+
+Agamemnon modestly suggested that he had not yet got out of A, and in
+their first breakfast everything would therefore have to begin with A.
+
+"That would not be impossible," said Mr. Peterkin. "There is Amanda, who
+will wait on table, to start with--"
+
+"We could have 'am-and-eggs," suggested Solomon John Mrs. Peterkin was
+distressed. It was hard enough to think of anything for breakfast, and
+impossible, if it all had to begin with one letter.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza thought it would not be necessary. All they were to do
+was to ask questions, as in examination papers, and find their answers
+as they could.
+
+They could still apply to the Encyclopędia, even if it were not in
+Agamemnon's alphabetical course.
+
+Mr. Peterkin suggested a great variety. One day they would study the
+botany of the breakfast-table, another day, its natural history.
+The study of butter would include that of the cow. Even that of the
+butter-dish would bring in geology.
+
+The little boys were charmed at the idea of learning pottery from the
+cream-jug, and they were promised a potter's wheel directly.
+
+"You see, my dear," said Mr. Peterkin to his wife, "before many weeks,
+we shall be drinking our milk from jugs made by our children."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza hoped for a thorough study.
+
+"Yes," said Mr. Peterkin, "we might begin with botany. That would be
+near to Agamemnon alphabetically. We ought to find out the botany of
+butter. On what does the cow feed?"
+
+The little boys were eager to go out and see.
+
+"If she eats clover," said Mr. Peterkin, "we shall expect the botany of
+clover."
+
+The little boys insisted that they were to begin the next day; that very
+evening they should go out and study the cow.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin sighed, and decided she would order a simple breakfast.
+The little boys took their note-books and pencils, and clambered upon
+the fence, where they seated themselves in a row.
+
+For there were three little boys. So it was now supposed. They were
+always coming in or going out, and it had been difficult to count them,
+and nobody was very sure how many there were.
+
+There they sat, however, on the fence, looking at the cow. She looked at
+them with large eyes.
+
+"She won't eat," they cried, "while we are looking at her!"
+
+So they turned about, and pretended to look into the street, and seated
+themselves that way, turning their heads back, from time to time, to see
+the cow.
+
+"Now she is nibbling a clover."
+
+"No, that is a bit of sorrel."
+
+"It's a whole handful of grass."
+
+"What kind of grass?" they exclaimed.
+
+It was very hard, sitting with their backs to the cow, and pretending to
+the cow that they were looking into the street, and yet to be looking at
+the cow all the time, and finding out what she was eating; and the upper
+rail of the fence was narrow and a little sharp. It was very high,
+too, for some additional rails had been put on to prevent the cow from
+jumping into the garden or street.
+
+Suddenly, looking out into the hazy twilight, Elizabeth Eliza saw
+six legs and six india-rubber boots in the air, and the little boys
+disappeared!
+
+"They are tossed by the cow! The little boys are tossed by the cow!"
+
+Mrs. Peterkin rushed for the window, but fainted on the way. Solomon
+John and Elizabeth Eliza were hurrying to the door, but stopped, not
+knowing what to do next. Mrs. Peterkin recovered herself with a supreme
+effort, and sent them out to the rescue.
+
+But what could they do? The fence had been made so high, to keep the cow
+out, that nobody could get in. The boy that did the milking had gone
+off with the key of the outer gate, and perhaps with the key of the shed
+door. Even if that were not locked, before Agamemnon could get round by
+the wood-shed and cow-shed, the little boys might be gored through and
+through!
+
+Elizabeth Eliza ran to the neighbors, Solomon John to the druggist's for
+plasters, while Agamemnon made his way through the dining-room to the
+wood-shed and outer-shed door. Mr. Peterkin mounted the outside of the
+fence, while Mrs.
+
+Peterkin begged him not to put himself in danger. He climbed high enough
+to view the scene. He held to the corner post and reported what he saw.
+
+They were not gored. The cow was at the other end of the lot. One of the
+little boys were lying in a bunch of dark leaves. He was moving.
+
+The cow glared, but did not stir. Another little boy was pulling his
+india-rubber boots out of the mud. The cow still looked at him.
+
+Another was feeling the top of his head. The cow began to crop the
+grass, still looking at him.
+
+Agamemnon had reached and opened the shed-door. The little boys were
+next seen running toward it.
+
+A crowd of neighbors, with pitchforks, had returned meanwhile with
+Elizabeth Eliza. Solomon John had brought four druggists. But, by the
+time they had reached the house, the three little boys were safe in the
+arms of their mother!
+
+"This is too dangerous a form of education," she cried; "I had rather
+they went to school."
+
+"No!" they bravely cried. They were still willing to try the other way.
+
+
+
+
+THE EDUCATIONAL BREAKFAST.
+
+MRS. PETERKIN'S nerves were so shaken by the excitement of the fall of
+the three little boys into the enclosure where the cow was kept that the
+educational breakfast was long postponed. The little boys continued at
+school, as before, and the conversation dwelt as little as possible upon
+the subject of education.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin's spirits, however, gradually recovered. The little boys
+were allowed to watch the cow at her feed. A series of strings were
+arranged by Agamemnon and Solomon John, by which the little boys could
+be pulled up, if they should again fall down into the enclosure. These
+were planned something like curtain-cords, and Solomon John frequently
+amused himself by pulling one of the little boys up or letting him down.
+
+Some conversation did again fall upon the old difficulty of questions.
+Elizabeth Eliza declared that it was not always necessary to answer;
+that many who could did not answer questions,--the conductors of the
+railroads, for instance, who probably knew the names of all the stations
+on a road, but were seldom able to tell them.
+
+"Yes," said Agamemnon, "one might be a conductor without even knowing
+the names of the stations, because you can't understand them when they
+do tell them!"
+
+"I never know," said Elizabeth Eliza, "whether it is ignorance in them,
+or unwillingness, that prevents them from telling you how soon one
+station is coming, or how long you are to stop, even if one asks ever so
+many times. It would be useful if they would tell."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought this was carried too far in the horse-cars in
+Boston. The conductors had always left you as far as possible from the
+place where you wanted to stop; but it seemed a little too much to have
+the aldermen take it up, and put a notice in the cars, ordering the
+conductors "to stop at the farthest crossing."
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was, indeed, recovering her spirits. She had been carrying
+on a brisk correspondence with Philadelphia, that she had imparted to no
+one, and at last she announced, as its result, that she was ready for a
+breakfast on educational principles.
+
+A breakfast indeed, when it appeared! Mrs. Peterkin had mistaken
+the alphabetical suggestion, and had grasped the idea that the whole
+alphabet must be represented in one breakfast.
+
+This, therefore, was the bill of fare: Apple-sauce, Bread, Butter,
+Coffee, Cream, Doughnuts, Eggs, Fish-balls, Griddles, Ham, Ice (on
+butter), Jam, Krout (sour), Lamb-chops, Morning Newspapers, Oatmeal,
+Pepper, Quince-marmalade, Rolls, Salt, Tea Urn, Veal-pie, Waffles,
+Yeast-biscuit.
+
+Mr. Peterkin was proud and astonished. "Excellent!" he cried. "Every
+letter represented except Z." Mrs. Peterkin drew from her pocket a
+letter from the lady from Philadelphia. "She thought you would call it
+X-cellent for X, and she tells us," she read, "that if you come with a
+zest, you will bring the Z."
+
+Mr. Peterkin was enchanted. He only felt that he ought to invite the
+children in the primary schools to such a breakfast; what a zest,
+indeed, it would give to the study of their letters!
+
+It was decided to begin with Apple-sauce.
+
+"How happy," exclaimed Mr. Peterkin, "that this should come first of
+all! A child might be brought up on apple-sauce till he had mastered
+the first letter of the alphabet, and could go on to the more involved
+subjects hidden in bread, butter, baked beans, etc."
+
+Agamemnon thought his father hardly knew how much was hidden in
+the apple. There was all the story of William Tell and the Swiss
+independence. The little boys were wild to act William Tell, but Mrs.
+Peterkin was afraid of the arrows. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin proposed they should begin by eating the apple-sauce, then
+discussing it, first botanically, next historically; or perhaps first
+historically, beginning with Adam and Eve, and the first apple.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin feared the coffee would be getting cold, and the griddles
+were waiting. For herself, she declared she felt more at home on the
+marmalade, because the quinces came from grandfather's, and she had seen
+them planted; she remembered all about it, and now the bush came up to
+the sitting-room window.
+
+She seemed to have heard him tell that the town of Quincy, where the
+granite came from, was named from them, and she never quite recollected
+why, except they were so hard, as hard as stone, and it took you almost
+the whole day to stew them, and then you might as well set them on
+again.
+
+Mr. Peterkin was glad to be reminded of the old place at grandfather's.
+In order to know thoroughly about apples, they ought to understand the
+making of cider.
+
+Now, they might some time drive up to grandfather's, scarcely twelve
+miles away, and see the cider made. Why, indeed, should not the family
+go this very day up to grandfather's, and continue the education of the
+breakfast?
+
+"Why not indeed?" exclaimed the little boys. A day at grandfather's
+would give them the whole process of the apple, from the orchard to the
+cider-mill. In this way they could widen the field of study, even to
+follow in time the cup of coffee to Java.
+
+It was suggested, too, that at grandfather's they might study the
+processes of maple-syrup as involved in the griddle-cakes.
+
+Agamemnon pointed out the connection between the two subjects: they were
+both the products of trees--the apple-tree and the maple. Mr. Peterkin
+proposed that the lesson for the day should be considered the study of
+trees, and on the way they could look at other trees.
+
+Why not, indeed, go this very day? There was no time like the present.
+Their breakfast had been so copious, they would scarcely be in a hurry
+for dinner, and would, therefore, have the whole day before them.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin could put up the remains of the breakfast for luncheon.
+
+But how should they go? The carryall, in spite of its name, could hardly
+take the whole family, though they might squeeze in six, as the little
+boys did not take up much room.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza suggested that she could spend the night at
+grandfather's.
+
+Indeed, she had been planning a visit there, and would not object to
+staying some days. This would make it easier about coming home, but it
+did not settle the difficulty in getting there.
+
+Why not "Ride and Tie"?
+
+The little boys were fond of walking; so was Mr. Peterkin; and Agamemnon
+and Solomon John did not object to their turn. Mrs. Peterkin could sit
+in the carriage, when it was waiting for the pedestrians to come up; or,
+she said, she did not object to a little turn of walking. Mr. Peterkin
+would start, with Solomon John and the little boys, before the rest,
+and Agamemnon should drive his mother and Elizabeth Eliza to the first
+stopping-place.
+
+Then came up another question,--of Elizabeth Eliza's trunk. If she stayed
+a few days, she would need to carry something. It might be hot, and it
+might be cold.
+
+Just as soon as she carried her thin things, she would need her heaviest
+wraps.
+
+You never could depend upon the weather. Even "Probabilities" got you no
+farther than to-day.
+
+In an inspired moment, Elizabeth Eliza bethought herself of the
+expressman. She would send her trunk by the express, and she left the
+table directly to go and pack it. Mrs. Peterkin busied herself with
+Amanda over the remains of the breakfast. Mr. Peterkin and Agamemnon
+went to order the horse and the expressman, and Solomon John and the
+little boys prepared themselves for a pedestrian excursion.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza found it difficult to pack in a hurry; there were so
+many things she might want, and then again she might not. She must
+put up her music, because her grandfather had a piano; and then she
+bethought herself of Agamemnon's flute, and decided to pick out a volume
+or two of the Encyclopędia. But it was hard to decide, all by herself,
+whether to take G for griddle-cakes, or M for maple-syrup, or T for
+tree. She would take as many as she could make room for.
+
+She put up her work-box and two extra work-baskets, and she must take
+some French books she had never yet found time to read. This involved
+taking her French dictionary, as she doubted if her grandfather had one.
+She ought to put in a "Botany," if they were to study trees; but she
+could not tell which, so she would take all there were. She might as
+well take all her dresses, and it was no harm if one had too many wraps.
+When she had her trunk packed, she found it over-full; it was difficult
+to shut it. She had heard Solomon John set out from the front door with
+his father and the little boys, and Agamemnon was busy holding the horse
+at the side door, so there was no use in calling for help. She got upon
+the trunk; she jumped upon it; she sat down upon it, and, leaning over,
+found she could lock it! Yes, it was really locked.
+
+But, on getting down from the trunk, she found her dress had been caught
+in the lid; she could not move away from it! What was worse, she was so
+fastened to the trunk that she could not lean forward far enough to
+turn the key back, to unlock the trunk and release herself! The lock had
+slipped easily, but she could not now get hold of the key in the right
+way to turn it back.
+
+She tried to pull her dress away. No, it was caught too firmly. She
+called for help to her mother or Amanda, to come and open the trunk. But
+her door was shut.
+
+Nobody near enough to hear! She tried to pull the trunk toward the door,
+to open it and make herself heard; but it was so heavy that, in her
+constrained position, she could not stir it. In her agony, she
+would have been willing to have torn her dress; but it was her
+travelling-dress, and too stout to tear. She might cut it carefully.
+Alas, she had packed her scissors, and her knife she had lent to the
+little boys the day before! She called again. What silence there was in
+the house! Her voice seemed to echo through the room. At length, as she
+listened, she heard the sound of wheels.
+
+Was it the carriage, rolling away from the side door? Did she hear the
+front door shut? She remembered then that Amanda was to "have the day."
+But she, Elizabeth Eliza, was to have spoken to Amanda, to explain to
+her to wait for the expressman. She was to have told her as she went
+downstairs. But she had not been able to go downstairs! And Amanda must
+have supposed that all the family had left, and she, too, must have
+gone, knowing of the expressman. Yes, she heard the wheels! She heard
+the front door shut!
+
+But could they have gone without her? Then she recalled that she had
+proposed walking on a little way with Solomon John and her father, to be
+picked up by Mrs. Peterkin, if she should have finished her packing in
+time. Her mother must have supposed that she had done so,--that she
+had spoken to Amanda, and started with the rest. Well, she would soon
+discover her mistake. She would overtake the walking party, and, not
+finding Elizabeth Eliza, would return for her. Patience only was needed.
+She had looked around for something to read; but she had packed up all
+her books. She had packed her knitting. How quiet and still it was! She
+tried to imagine where her mother would meet the rest of the family.
+They were good walkers, and they might have reached the two-mile bridge.
+But suppose they should stop for water beneath the arch of the bridge,
+as they often did, and the carryall pass over it without seeing them,
+her mother would not know but she was with them? And suppose her mother
+should decide to leave the horse at the place proposed for stopping
+and waiting for the first pedestrian party, and herself walk on, no
+one would be left to tell the rest, when they should come up to the
+carryall. They might go on so, through the whole journey, without
+meeting, and she might not be missed till they should reach her
+grandfather's!
+
+Horrible thought! She would be left here alone all day. The expressman
+would come, but the expressman would go, for he would not be able to get
+into the house!
+
+She thought of the terrible story of Ginevra, of the bride who was shut
+up in her trunk, and forever! She was shut up on hers, and knew not
+when she should be released! She had acted once in the ballad of the
+"Mistletoe Bough." She had been one of the "guests," who had sung "Oh,
+the Mistletoe Bough," and had looked up at it, and she had seen at the
+side-scenes how the bride had laughingly stepped into the trunk. But the
+trunk then was only a make-believe of some boards in front of a sofa,
+and this was a stern reality.
+
+It would be late now before her family would reach her grandfather's.
+Perhaps they would decide to spend the night. Perhaps they would fancy
+she was coming by express. She gave another tremendous effort to move
+the trunk toward the door.
+
+In vain. All was still.
+
+Meanwhile, Mrs. Peterkin sat some time at the door, wondering why
+Elizabeth Eliza did not come down. Mr. Peterkin had started on with
+Solomon John and all the little boys. Agamemnon had packed the things
+into the carriage,--a basket of lunch, a change of shoes for Mr.
+Peterkin, some extra wraps,--everything Mrs.
+
+Peterkin could think of, for the family comfort. Still Elizabeth Eliza
+did not come. "I think she must have walked on with your father," she
+said, at last; "you had better get in." Agamemnon now got in. "I should
+think she would have mentioned it," she continued; "but we may as well
+start on, and pick her up!"
+
+They started off. "I hope Elizabeth Eliza thought to speak to Amanda,
+but we must ask her when we come up with her."
+
+But they did not come up with Elizabeth Eliza. At the turn beyond the
+village, they found an envelope struck up in an inviting manner against
+a tree. In this way, they had agreed to leave missives for each other as
+they passed on. This note informed them that the walking party was going
+to take the short cut across the meadows, and would still be in front
+of them. They saw the party at last, just beyond the short cut; but Mr.
+Peterkin was explaining the character of the oak-tree to his children as
+they stood around a large specimen.
+
+"I suppose he is telling them that it is some kind of a 'Quercus,'" said
+Agamemnon, thoughtfully.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin thought Mr. Peterkin would scarcely use such an
+expression, but she could see nothing of Elizabeth Eliza. Some of the
+party, however, were behind the tree, some were in front, and Elizabeth
+Eliza might be behind the tree. They were too far off to be shouted at.
+Mrs. Peterkin was calmed, and went on to the stopping-lace agreed upon,
+which they reached before long. This had been appointed near Farmer
+Gordon's barn, that there might be somebody at hand whom they knew, in
+case there should be any difficulty in untying the horse. The plan had
+been that Mrs. Peterkin should always sit in the carriage, while the
+others should take turns for walking; and Agamemnon tied the horse to a
+fence, and left her comfortably arranged with her knitting. Indeed, she
+had risen so early to prepare for the alphabetical breakfast, and had
+since been so tired with preparations, that she was quite sleepy, and
+would not object to a nape in the shade, by the soothing sound of the
+buzzing of the flies. But she called Agamemnon back, as he started off
+for his solitary walk, with a perplexing question:
+
+"Suppose the rest all should arrive, how could they now be accommodated
+in the carryall? It would be too much for the horse! Why had Elizabeth
+Eliza gone with the rest without counting up? Of course, they must have
+expected that she--Mrs. Peterkin--would walk on to the next stopping-
+place!"
+
+She decided there was no way but for her to walk on. When the rest
+passed her, they might make a change. So she put up knitting cheerfully.
+It was a little joggly in the carriage, she had already found, for
+the horse was restless from the flies, and she did not like being left
+alone.
+
+She walked on then with Agamemnon. It was very pleasant at first, but
+the sun became hot, and it was not long before she was fatigued. When
+they reached a hay-field, she proposed going in to rest upon one of the
+hay-cocks. The largest and most shady was at the other end of the field,
+and they were seated there when the carryall passed them in the road.
+Mrs. Peterkin waved parasol and hat, and the party in the carryall
+returned their greetings, but they were too far apart to hear each
+other.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin and Agamemnon slowly resumed their walk.
+
+"Well, we shall find Elizabeth Eliza in the carryall," she said, "and
+that will explain all."
+
+But it took them an hour or two to reach the carryall, with frequent
+stoppings for rest, and when they reached it, no one was in it. A note
+was pinned up in the vehicle to say they had all walked on; it was
+"prime fun."
+
+In this way the parties continued to dodge each other, for Mrs. Peterkin
+felt that she must walk on from the next station, and the carryall
+missed her again while she and Agamemnon stopped in a house to rest, and
+for a glass of water.
+
+She reached the carryall to find again that no one was in it. The party
+had passed on for the last station, where it had been decided all should
+meet at the foot of grandfather's hill, that they might all arrive at
+the house together.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin and Agamemnon looked out eagerly for the party all the
+way, as Elizabeth Eliza must be tired by this time; but Mrs. Peterkin's
+last walk had been so slow, that the other party was far in advance and
+reached the stopping-place before them. The little boys were all rowed
+out on the stone fence, awaiting them, full of delight at having reached
+grandfather's. Mr.
+
+Peterkin came forward to meet them, and, at the same moment with Mrs.
+Peterkin, exclaimed: "Where is Elizabeth Eliza?" Each party looked
+eagerly at the other; no Elizabeth Eliza was to be seen. Where was she?
+What was to be done? Was she left behind? Mrs. Peterkin was convinced
+she must have somehow got to grandfather's. They hurried up the hill.
+Grandfather and all the family came out to greet them, for they had been
+seen approaching. There was great questioning, but no Elizabeth Eliza!
+
+It was sunset; the view was wide and fine. Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin stood
+and looked out from the north to the south. Was it too late to send back
+for Elizabeth Eliza? Where was she?
+
+Meanwhile the little boys had been informing the family of the object
+of their visit, and while Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin were looking up and down
+the road, and Agamemnon and Solomon John were explaining to each other
+the details of their journeys, they had discovered some facts.
+
+"We shall have to go back," they exclaimed. "We are too late! The
+maple-syrup was all made last spring."
+
+"We are too early; we shall have to stay two or three months,--the cider
+is not made till October."
+
+The expedition was a failure! They could study the making of neither
+maple-syrup nor cider, and Elizabeth Eliza was lost, perhaps forever!
+The sun went down, and Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin still stood to look up and
+down the road.
+
+... Elizabeth Eliza meanwhile, had sat upon her trunk, as it
+seemed for ages. She recalled all the terrible stories of prisoners,--how
+they had watched the growth of flowers through cracks in the pavement.
+She wondered how long she could live without eating. How thankful she
+was for her abundant breakfast!
+
+At length she heard the door-bell. But who could go to the door to
+answer it? In vain did she make another effort to escape; it was
+impossible!
+
+How singular!--there were footsteps. Some one was going to the door; some
+one had opened it. "They must be burglars." Well, perhaps that was a
+better fate--to be gagged by burglars, and the neighbors informed--than
+to be forever locked on her trunk. The steps approached the door. It
+opened, and Amanda ushered in the expressman.
+
+Amanda had not gone. She had gathered, while waiting at the
+breakfast-table, that there was to be an expressman whom she must
+receive.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza explained the situation. The expressman turned the key
+of her trunk, and she was released!
+
+What should she do next? So long a time had elapsed, she had given up
+all hope of her family returning for her. But how could she reach them?
+
+She hastily prevailed upon the expressman to take her along until she
+should come up with some of the family. At least she would fall in with
+either the walking party or the carryall, or she would meet them if they
+were on their return.
+
+She mounted the seat with the expressman, and slowly they took their
+way, stopping for occasional parcels as they left the village.
+
+But much to Elizabeth Eliza's dismay, they turned off from the main road
+on leaving the village. She remonstrated, but the driver insisted he
+must go round by Millikin's to leave a bedstead. They went round
+by Millikin's, and then had further turns to make. Elizabeth Eliza
+explained that in this way it would be impossible for her to find her
+parents and family, and at last he proposed to take her all the way with
+her trunk. She remembered with a shudder that when she had first asked
+about her trunk, he had promised it should certainly be delivered the
+next morning. Suppose they should have to be out all night? Where did
+express-carts spend the night? She thought of herself in a lone wood,
+in an express-wagon! She could hardly bring herself to ask, before
+assenting, when he should arrive.
+
+"He guessed he could bring up before night."
+
+And so it happened that as Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin in the late sunset
+were looking down the hill, wondering what they should do about the lost
+Elizabeth Eliza, they saw an express wagon approaching. A female form
+sat upon the front seat.
+
+"She has decided to come by express," said Mrs. Peterkin. "It is--it
+is--Elizabeth Eliza!"
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS AT THE "CARNIVAL OF AUTHORS" IN BOSTON.
+
+THE Peterkins were in quite a muddle (for them) about the carnival
+of authors, to be given in Boston. As soon as it was announced, their
+interests were excited, and they determined that all the family should
+go.
+
+But they conceived a wrong idea of the entertainment, as they supposed
+that every one must go in costume. Elizabeth Eliza thought their
+lessons in the foreign languages would help them much in conversing in
+character.
+
+As the carnival was announced early Solomon John thought there would be
+time to read up everything written by all the authors, in order to be
+acquainted with the characters they introduced. Mrs. Peterkin did not
+wish to begin too early upon the reading, for she was sure she should
+forget all that the different authors had written before the day came.
+
+But Elizabeth Eliza declared that she should hardly have time enough,
+as it was, to be acquainted with all the authors. She had given up her
+French lessons, after taking six, for want of time, and had, indeed,
+concluded she had learned in them all she should need to know of that
+language. She could repeat one or two pages of phrases, and she was
+astonished to find how much she could understand already of what the
+French teacher said to her; and he assured her that when she went to
+Paris she could at least ask the price of gloves, or of some other
+things she would need, and he taught her, too, how to pronounce
+"garēon," in calling for more.
+
+Agamemnon thought that different members of the family might make
+themselves familiar with different authors; the little boys were already
+acquainted with "Mother Goose." Mr. Peterkin had read the "Pickwick
+Papers," and Solomon John had actually seen Mr. Longfellow getting into
+a horse-car.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza suggested that they might ask the Turk to give lectures
+upon the "Arabian Nights." Everybody else was planning something of the
+sort, to "raise funds" for some purpose, and she was sure they ought not
+to be behindhand. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin approved of this. It would be excellent if they could raise
+funds enough to pay for their own tickets to the carnival; then they
+could go every night.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was uncertain. She thought it was usual to use the funds
+for some object. Mr. Peterkin said that if they gained funds enough they
+might arrange a booth of their own, and sit in it, and take the carnival
+comfortably.
+
+But Agamemnon reminded him that none of the family were authors, and
+only authors had booths. Solomon John, indeed, had once started upon
+writing a book, but he was not able to think of anything to put in it,
+and nothing had occurred to him yet.
+
+Mr. Peterkin urged him to make one more effort. If his book could come
+out before the carnival he could go as an author, and might have a booth
+of his own, and take his family.
+
+But Agamemnon declared it would take years to become an author. You
+might indeed publish something, but you had to make sure that it would
+be read. Mrs.
+
+Peterkin, on the other hand, was certain that libraries were filled with
+books that never were read, yet authors had written them. For herself,
+she had not read half the books in their own library. And she was glad
+there was to be a Carnival of Authors, that she might know who they
+were.
+
+Mr. Peterkin did not understand why they called them a "Carnival"; but
+he supposed they should find out when they went to it.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin still felt uncertain about costumes. She proposed looking
+over the old trunks in the garret. They would find some suitable
+dresses there, and these would suggest what characters they should take.
+Elizabeth Eliza was pleased with this thought. She remembered an old
+turban of white mull muslin, in an old bandbox, and why should not her
+mother wear it?
+
+Mrs. Peterkin supposed that she should then go as her own grandmother.
+
+Agamemnon did not approve of this. Turbans are now worn in the East, and
+Mrs.
+
+Peterkin could go in some Eastern character. Solomon John thought she
+might be Cleopatra, and this was determined on. Among the treasures
+found were some old bonnets, of large size, with waving plumes.
+Elizabeth Eliza decided upon the largest of these.
+
+She was tempted to appear as Mrs. Columbus, as Solomon John was to take
+the character of Christopher Columbus; but he was planning to enter
+upon the stage in a boat, and Elizabeth Eliza was a little afraid of
+sea-sickness, as he had arranged to be a great while finding the shore.
+
+Solomon John had been led to take this character by discovering a
+coal-hod that would answer for a helmet; then, as Christopher Columbus
+was born in Genoa, he could use the phrases in Italian he had lately
+learned of his teacher.
+
+As the day approached the family had their costumes prepared.
+
+Mr. Peterkin decided to be Peter the Great. It seemed to him a happy
+thought, for the few words of Russian he had learned would come in play,
+and he was quite sure that his own family name made him kin to that of
+the great Czar. He studied up the life in the Encyclopędia, and decided
+to take the costume of a ship-builder. He visited the navy-yard and
+some of the docks; but none of them gave him the true idea of dress for
+ship-building in Holland or St. Petersburg.
+
+But he found a picture of Peter the Great, representing him in a
+broad-brimmed hat. So he assumed one that he found at a costumer's,
+and with Elizabeth Eliza's black waterproof was satisfied with his own
+appearance.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza wondered if she could not go with her father in some
+Russian character. She would have to lay aside her large bonnet, but she
+had seen pictures of Russian ladies, with fur muffs on their heads, and
+she might wear her own muff.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin, as Cleopatra, wore the turban, with a little row of false
+curls in front, and a white embroidered muslin shawl crossed over her
+black silk dress. The little boys thought she looked much like the
+picture of their great-grandmother. But doubtless Cleopatra resembled
+this picture, as it was all so long ago, so the rest of the family
+decided.
+
+Agamemnon determined to go as Noah. The costume, as represented in one
+of the little boys' arks, was simple. His father's red-lined dressing
+gown, turned inside out, permitted it easily.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was now anxious to be Mrs. Shem, and make a long dress
+of yellow flannel, and appear with Agamemnon and the little boys. For
+the little boys were to represent two doves and a raven. There were
+feather-dusters enough in the family for their costumes, which would be
+then complete with their india-rubber boots.
+
+Solomon John carried out in detail his idea of Christopher Columbus.
+He had a number of eggs boiled hard to take in his pocket, proposing to
+repeat, through the evening, the scene of setting the egg on its end.
+He gave up the plan of a boat, as it must be difficult to carry one into
+town; so he contented himself by practising the motion of landing by
+stepping up on a chair.
+
+But what scene could Elizabeth Eliza carry out? If they had an ark, as
+Mrs. Shem she might crawl in and out of the roof constantly, if it were
+not too high. But Mr. Peterkin thought it as difficult to take an ark
+into town as Solomon John's boat.
+
+The evening came. But with all their preparations they got to the hall
+late. The entrance was filled with a crowd of people, and, as they
+stopped at the cloakroom, to leave their wraps, they found themselves
+entangled with a number of people in costume coming out from a
+dressing-room below. Mr. Peterkin was much encouraged. They were thus
+joining the performers. The band was playing the "Wedding March" as they
+went upstairs to a door of the hall which opened upon one side of the
+stage. Here a procession was marching up the steps of the stage, all in
+costume, and entering behind the scenes.
+
+"We are just in the right time," whispered Mr. Peterkin to his family;
+"they are going upon the stage; we must fall into line." The little boys
+had their feather-dusters ready. Some words from one of the managers
+made Peterkin understand the situation.
+
+"We are going to be introduced to Mr. Dickens," he said.
+
+"I thought he was dead!" exclaimed Mrs. Peterkin trembling.
+
+"Authors live forever!" said Agamemnon in her ear.
+
+At this moment they were ushered upon the stage. The stage manager
+glared at them, as he awaited their names for introduction, while they
+came up all unannounced,--a part of the programme not expected. But he
+uttered the words upon his lips, "Great Expectations;" and the Peterkin
+family swept across the stage with the rest: Mr. Peterkin costumed as
+Peter the Great, Mrs. Peterkin as Cleopatra, Agamemnon as Noah, Solomon
+John as Christopher Columbus, Elizabeth Eliza in yellow flannel as Mrs.
+Shem, with a large, old-fashioned bonnet on her head as Mrs. Columbus,
+and the little boys behind as two doves and a raven.
+
+Across the stage, in face of all the assembled people, then following
+the rest down the stairs on the other side, in among the audience, they
+went; but into an audience not dressed in costume!
+
+There were Ann Maria Bromwick and the Osbornes,--all the neighbors,--all
+as natural as though they were walking the streets at home, though Ann
+Maria did wear white gloves.
+
+"I had no idea you were to appear in character," said Ann Maria to
+Elizabeth Eliza; "to what booth do you belong?"
+
+"We are no particular author," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Ah, I see, a sort of varieties' booth," said Mr. Osborne.
+
+"What is your character?" asked Ann Maria of Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"I have not quite decided," said Elizabeth Eliza. "I thought I should
+find out after I came here. The marshal called us 'Great Expectations.'"
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was at the summit of bliss. "I have shaken hands with
+Dickens!" she exclaimed.
+
+But she looked round to ask the little boys if they, too, had shaken
+hands with the great man, but not a little boy could she find.
+
+They had been swept off in Mother Goose's train, which had lingered on
+the steps to see the Dickens reception, with which the procession of
+characters in costume had closed. At this moment they were dancing
+round the barberry bush, in a corner of the balcony in Mother Goose's
+quarters, their feather-dusters gayly waving in the air.
+
+But Mrs. Peterkin, far below, could not see this, and consoled herself
+with the thought, they should all meet on the stage in the grand closing
+tableau. She was bewildered by the crowds which swept her hither and
+thither. At last she found herself in the Whittier Booth, and sat a long
+time calmly there. As Cleopatra she seemed out of place, but as her own
+grandmother she answered well with its New England scenery.
+
+Solomon John wandered about, landing in America whenever he found a
+chance to enter a booth. Once before an admiring audience he set up his
+egg in the centre of the Goethe Booth, which had been deserted by its
+committee for the larger stage.
+
+Agamemnon frequently stood in the background of scenes in the Arabian
+Nights.
+
+It was with difficulty that the family could be repressed from going
+on the stage whenever the bugle sounded for the different groups
+represented there.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza came near appearing in the "Dream of Fair Women," at its
+most culminating point.
+
+Mr. Peterkin found himself with the "Cricket on the Hearth," in the
+Dickens Booth. He explained that he was Peter the Great, but always in
+the Russian language, which was never understood.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza found herself, in turn, in all the booths. Every manager
+was puzzled by her appearance, and would send her to some other, and she
+passed along, always trying to explain that she had not yet decided upon
+her character.
+
+Mr. Peterkin came and took Cleopatra from the Whittier Booth.
+
+"I cannot understand," he said, "why none of our friends are dressed in
+costume, and why we are."
+
+"I rather like it," said Elizabeth Eliza, "though I should be better
+pleased if I could form a group with some one."
+
+The strains of the minuet began. Mrs. Peterkin was anxious to join the
+performers. It was the dance of her youth.
+
+But she was delayed by one of the managers on the steps that led to the
+stage.
+
+"I cannot understand this company," he said, distractedly.
+
+"They cannot find their booth," said another.
+
+"That is the case," said Mr. Peterkin, relieved to have it stated.
+
+"Perhaps you had better pass into the corridor," said a polite marshal.
+
+They did this, and, walking across, found themselves in the
+refreshment-room.
+
+"This is the booth for us," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Indeed it is," said Mrs. Peterkin, sinking into a chair, exhausted.
+
+At this moment two doves and a raven appeared,--the little boys, who had
+been dancing eagerly in Mother Goose's establishment, and now came down
+for ice-cream.
+
+"I hardly know how to sit down," said Elizabeth Eliza, "for I am sure
+Mrs. Shem never could. Still, as I do not know if I am Mrs. Shem, I will
+venture it."
+
+Happily, seats were to be found for all, and they were soon arranged in
+a row, calmly eating ice-cream.
+
+"I think the truth is," said Mr. Peterkin, "that we represent historical
+people, and we ought to have been fictitious characters in books. That
+is, I observe, what the others are. We shall know better another time."
+
+"If we only ever get home," said Mrs. Peterkin, "I shall not wish to
+come again. It seems like being on the stage, sitting in a booth, and it
+is so bewildering, Elizabeth Eliza not knowing who she is, and going
+round and round in this way."
+
+"I am afraid we shall never reach home," said Agamemnon, who had been
+silent for some time; "we may have to spend the night here. I find I
+have lost our checks for our clothes in the cloak-room!"
+
+"Spend the night in a booth, in Cleopatra's turban!" exclaimed Mrs.
+Peterkin.
+
+"We should like to come every night," cried the little boys.
+
+"But to spend the night," repeated Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"I conclude the Carnival keeps up all night," said Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"But never to recover our cloaks," said Mrs. Peterkin; "could not the
+little boys look round for the checks on the floors?"
+
+She began to enumerate the many valuable things that they might never
+see again.
+
+She had worn her large fur cape of stone-marten,--her grandmother's,--that
+Elizabeth Eliza had been urging her to have made into a foot-rug. Now
+how she wished she had! And there were Mr. Peterkin's new overshoes,
+and Agamemnon had brought an umbrella, and the little boys had their
+mittens. Their india-rubber boots, fortunately, they had on, in the
+character of birds. But Solomon John had worn a fur cap, and Elizabeth
+Eliza a muff. Should they lose all these valuables entirely, and go home
+in the cold without them? No, it would be better to wait till everybody
+had gone, and then look carefully over the floors for the checks; if
+only the little boys could know where Agamemnon had been, they were
+willing to look. Mr. Peterkin was not sure as they would have time to
+reach the train.
+
+Still, they would need something to wear, and he could not tell the
+time. He had not brought his watch. It was a Waltham watch, and he
+thought it would not be in character for Peter the Great to wear it.
+
+At this moment the strains of "Home, Sweet Home" were heard from the
+band, and people were seen preparing to go.
+
+"All can go home, but we must stay," said Mrs. Peterkin, gloomily, as
+the well-known strains floated in from the larger hall.
+
+A number of marshals came to the refreshment-room, looked at them,
+whispered to each other, as the Peterkins sat in a row.
+
+"Can we do anything for you?" asked one at last. "Would you not like to
+go?" He seemed eager they should leave the room.
+
+Mr. Peterkin explained that they could not go, as they had lost the
+checks for their wraps, and hoped to find their checks on the floor when
+everybody was gone. The marshal asked if they could not describe
+what they had worn, in which case the loss of the checks was not so
+important, as the crowds had now almost left, and it would not be
+difficult to identify their wraps. Mrs. Peterkin eagerly declared she
+could describe every article.
+
+It was astonishing how the marshals hurried them through the quickly
+deserted corridors, how gladly they recovered their garments! Mrs.
+Peterkin, indeed, was disturbed by the eagerness of the marshals; she
+feared they had some pretext for getting the family out of the hall.
+Mrs. Peterkin was one of those who never consent to be forced to
+anything. She would not be compelled to go home, even with strains of
+music. She whispered her suspicions to Mr. Peterkin; but Agamemnon came
+hastily up to announce the time, which he had learned from the clock
+in the large hall. They must leave directly if they wished to catch the
+latest train, as there was barely time to reach it.
+
+Then, indeed, was Mrs. Peterkin ready to leave. If they should miss the
+train!
+
+If she should have to pass the night in the streets in her turban! She
+was the first to lead the way, and, panting, the family followed her,
+just in time to take the train as it was leaving the station.
+
+The excitement was not yet over. They found in the train many of their
+friends and neighbors, returning also from the Carnival; so they had
+many questions put to them which they were unable to answer. Still Mrs.
+Peterkin's turban was much admired, and indeed the whole appearance
+of the family; so that they felt themselves much repaid for their
+exertions.
+
+But more adventures awaited them. They left the train with their
+friends; but as Mrs. Peterkin and Elizabeth Eliza were very tired, they
+walked very slowly, and Solomon John and the little boys were sent
+on with the pass-key to open the door. They soon returned with the
+startling intelligence that it was not the right key, and they could not
+get in. It was Mr. Peterkin's office-key; he had taken it by mistake, or
+he might have dropped the house-key in the cloak-room of the Carnival.
+
+"Must we go back?" sighed Mrs. Peterkin, in an exhausted voice. More
+than ever did Elizabeth Eliza regret that Agamemnon's invention in keys
+had failed to secure a patent!
+
+It was impossible to get into the house, for Amanda had been allowed to
+go and spend the night with a friend, so there was no use in ringing,
+though the little boys had tried it.
+
+"We can return to the station," said Mr. Peterkin; "the rooms will be
+warm, on account of the midnight train. We can, at least, think what we
+shall do next."
+
+At the station was one of their neighbors, proposing to take the New
+York midnight train, for it was now after eleven, and the train went
+through at half-past.
+
+"I saw lights at the locksmith's over the way, as I passed," he said;
+"why do not you send over to the young man there? He can get your door
+open for you. I never would spend the night here."
+
+Solomon John went over to "the young man," who agreed to go up to the
+house as soon as he had closed the shop, fit a key, and open the door,
+and come back to them on his way home. Solomon John came back to the
+station, for it was now cold and windy in the deserted streets. The
+family made themselves as comfortable as possible by the stove, sending
+Solomon John out occasionally to look for the young man. But somehow
+Solomon John missed him; the lights were out in the locksmith's shop, so
+he followed along to the house, hoping to find him there.
+
+But he was not there! He came back to report. Perhaps the young man had
+opened the door and gone on home. Solomon John and Agamemnon went back
+together, but they could not get in. Where was the young man? He had
+lately come to town, and nobody knew where he lived, for on the return
+of Solomon John and Agamemnon it had been proposed to go to the house of
+the young man. The night was wearing on.
+
+The midnight train had come and gone. The passengers who came and went
+looked with wonder at Mrs. Peterkin, nodding in her turban, as she sat
+by the stove, on a corner of a long bench. At last the station-master
+had to leave, for a short rest. He felt obliged to lock up the station,
+but he promised to return at an early hour to release them.
+
+"Of what use," said Elizabeth Eliza, "if we cannot even then get into
+our own house?"
+
+Mr. Peterkin thought the matter appeared bad, if the locksmith had left
+town. He feared the young man might have gone in, and helped himself to
+spoons, and left.
+
+Only they should have seen him if he had taken the midnight train.
+Solomon John thought he appeared honest. Mr. Peterkin only ventured to
+whisper his suspicions, as he did not wish to arouse Mrs. Peterkin, who
+still was nodding in the corner of the long bench.
+
+Morning did come at last. The family decided to go to their home;
+perhaps by some effort in the early daylight they might make an
+entrance.
+
+On the way they met with the night-policeman, returning from his beat.
+He stopped when he saw the family.
+
+"Ah! that accounts," he said; "you were all out last night, and the
+burglars took occasion to make a raid on your house. I caught a lively
+young man in the very act; box of tools in his hand! If I had been a
+minute late he would have made his way in"--The family then tried to
+interrupt--to explain--"Where is he?" exclaimed Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Safe in the lock-up," answered the policeman.
+
+"But he is the locksmith!" interrupted Solomon John.
+
+"We have no key!" said Elizabeth Eliza; "if you have locked up the
+locksmith we can never get in."
+
+The policeman looked from one to the other, smiling slightly when he
+understood the case.
+
+"The locksmith!" he exclaimed; "he is a new fellow, and I did not
+recognize him, and arrested him! Very well, I will go and let him out,
+that he may let you in!" and he hurried away, surprising the Peterkin
+family with what seemed like insulting screams of laughter.
+
+"It seems to me a more serious case than it appears to him," said Mr.
+Peterkin.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin did not understand it at all. Had burglars entered the
+house? Did the policeman say they had taken spoons? And why did he
+appear so pleased? She was sure the old silver teapot was locked up in
+the closet of their room. Slowly the family walked towards the house,
+and, almost as soon as they, the policeman appeared with the released
+locksmith, and a few boys from the street, who happened to be out early.
+
+The locksmith was not in very good humor, and took ill the jokes of the
+policeman. Mr. Peterkin, fearing he might not consent to open the door,
+pressed into his hand a large sum of money. The door flew open; the
+family could go in.
+
+Amanda arrived at the same moment. There was hope of breakfast. Mrs.
+Peterkin staggered towards the stairs. "I shall never go to another
+carnival!" she exclaimed.
+
+
+
+
+THE PETERKINS AT THE FARM.
+
+YES, at last they had reached the seaside, after much talking and
+deliberation, and summer after summer the journey had been constantly
+postponed.
+
+But here they were at last, at the "Old Farm," so called, where seaside
+attractions had been praised in all the advertisements. And here they
+were to meet the Sylvesters, who knew all about the place, cousins of
+Ann Maria Bromwick. Elizabeth Eliza was astonished not to find them
+there, though she had not expected Ann Maria to join them till the very
+next day.
+
+Their preparations had been so elaborate that at one time the whole
+thing had seemed hopeless; yet here they all were. Their trunks, to be
+sure, had not arrived; but the wagon was to be sent back for them, and,
+wonderful to tell, they had all their hand-baggage safe.
+
+Agamemnon had brought his Portable Electrical Machine and Apparatus, and
+the volumes of the Encyclopędia that might tell him how to manage it,
+and Solomon John had his photograph camera. The little boys had used
+their india-rubber boots as portmanteaux, filling them to the brim, and
+carrying one in each hand,--a very convenient way for travelling they
+considered it; but they found on arriving (when they wanted to put their
+boots directly on for exploration round the house), that it was somewhat
+inconvenient to have to begin to unpack directly, and scarcely room
+enough could be found for all the contents in the small chamber allotted
+to them.
+
+There was no room in the house for the electrical machine and camera.
+Elizabeth Eliza thought the other boarders were afraid of the machine
+going off; so an out-house was found for them, where Agamemnon and
+Solomon John could arrange them.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was much pleased with the old-fashioned porch and
+low-studded rooms, though the sleeping-rooms seemed a little stuffy at
+first.
+
+Mr. Peterkin was delighted with the admirable order in which the farm
+was evidently kept. From the first moment he arrived he gave himself
+to examining the well-stocked stables and barns, and the fields and
+vegetable gardens, which were shown to him by a highly intelligent
+person, a Mr. Atwood, who devoted himself to explaining to Mr. Peterkin
+all the details of methods in the farming.
+
+The rest of the family were disturbed at being so far from the sea, when
+they found it would take nearly all the afternoon to reach the beach.
+The advertisements had surely stated that the "Old Farm" was directly on
+the shore, and that sea-bathing would be exceedingly convenient; which
+was hardly the case if it took you an hour and a half to walk to it.
+
+Mr. Peterkin declared there were always such discrepancies between the
+advertisements of seaside places and the actual facts; but he was more
+than satisfied with the farm part, and was glad to remain and admire it,
+while the rest of the family went to find the beach, starting off in a
+wagon large enough to accommodate them, Agamemnon driving the one horse.
+
+Solomon John had depended upon taking the photographs of the family in
+a row on the beach; but he decided not to take his camera out the first
+afternoon.
+
+This was well, as the sun was already setting when they reached the
+beach.
+
+"If this wagon were not so shaky," said Mrs. Peterkin "we might drive
+over every morning for our bath. The road is very straight, and I
+suppose Agamemnon can turn on the beach."
+
+"We should have to spend the whole day about it," said Solomon John, in
+a discouraged tone, "unless we can have a quicker horse."
+
+"Perhaps we should prefer that," said Elizabeth Eliza, a little
+gloomily, "to staying at the house."
+
+She had been a little disturbed to find there were not more elegant and
+fashionable-looking boarders at the farm, and she was disappointed that
+the Sylvesters had not arrived, who would understand the ways of the
+place. Yet, again, she was somewhat relieved, for if their trunks did
+not come till the next day, as was feared, she should have nothing but
+her travelling dress to wear, which would certainly answer for to-night.
+
+She had been busy all the early summer in preparing her dresses for
+this very watering-place, and, as far as appeared, she would hardly need
+them, and was disappointed to have no chance to display them. But of
+course, when the Sylvesters and Ann Maria came, all would be different;
+but they would surely be wasted on the two old ladies she had seen, and
+on the old men who had lounged about the porch; there surely was not a
+gentleman among them.
+
+Agamemnon assured her she could not tell at the seaside, as gentlemen
+wore their exercise dress, and took a pride in going around in shocking
+hats and flannel suits. Doubtless they would be dressed for dinner on
+their return.
+
+On their arrival they had been shown to a room to have their meals by
+themselves, and could not decide whether they were eating dinner or
+lunch. There was a variety of meat, vegetables, and pie, that might come
+under either name; but Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin were well pleased.
+
+"I had no idea we should have really farm-fare," Mrs. Peterkin said. "I
+have not drunk such a tumbler of milk since I was young."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza concluded they ought not to judge from a first meal, as
+evidently their arrival had not been fully prepared for, in spite of the
+numerous letters that had been exchanged.
+
+The little boys were, however, perfectly satisfied from the moment of
+their arrival, and one of them had stayed at the farm, declining to go
+to the beach, as he wished to admire the pigs, cows, and horses; and all
+the way over to the beach the other little boys were hopping in and out
+of the wagon, which never went too fast, to pick long mullein-stalks,
+for whips to urge on the reluctant horse with, or to gather
+huckleberries, with which they were rejoiced to find the fields were
+filled, although, as yet, the berries were very green.
+
+They wanted to stay longer on the beach, when they finally reached it;
+but Mrs.
+
+Peterkin and Elizabeth Eliza insisted upon turning directly back, as it
+was not fair to be late to dinner the very first night.
+
+On the whole the party came back cheerful, yet hungry. They found the
+same old men, in the same costume, standing against the porch.
+
+"A little seedy, I should say," said Solomon John.
+
+"Smoking pipes," said Agamemnon; "I believe that is the latest style."
+
+"The smell of their tobacco is not very agreeable," Mrs. Peterkin was
+forced to say.
+
+There seemed the same uncertainty on their arrival as to where they were
+to be put, and as to their meals.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza tried to get into conversation with the old ladies, who
+were wandering in and out of a small sitting-room. But one of them was
+very deaf, and the other seemed to be a foreigner. She discovered from
+a moderately tidy maid, by the name of Martha, who seemed a sort of
+factotum, that there were other ladies in their rooms, too much of
+invalids to appear.
+
+"Regular bed-ridden," Martha had described them, which Elizabeth Eliza
+did not consider respectful.
+
+Mr. Peterkin appeared coming down the slope of the hill behind the
+house, very cheerful. He had made the tour of the farm, and found it in
+admirable order.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza felt it time to ask Martha about the next meal, and
+ventured to call it supper, as a sort of compromise between dinner and
+tea. If dinner were expected she might offend by taking it for granted
+that it was to be "tea," and if they were unused to a late dinner they
+might be disturbed if they had only provided a "tea."
+
+So she asked what was the usual hour for supper, and was surprised when
+Martha replied, "The lady must say," nodding to Mrs. Peterkin. "She can
+have it just when she wants, and just what she wants!"
+
+This was an unexpected courtesy.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza asked when the others had their supper.
+
+"Oh, they took it a long time ago," Martha answered. "If the lady will
+go out into the kitchen she can tell what she wants."
+
+"Bring us in what you have," said Mr. Peterkin, himself quite hungry.
+"If you could cook us a fresh slice of beefsteak that would be well."
+
+"Perhaps some eggs," murmured Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"Scrambled," cried one of the little boys.
+
+"Fried potatoes would not be bad," suggested Agamemnon.
+
+"Couldn't we have some onions?" asked the little boy who had stayed
+at home, and had noticed the odor of onions when the others had their
+supper.
+
+"A pie would come in well," said Solomon John.
+
+"And some stewed cherries," said the other little boy.
+
+Martha fell to laying the table, and the family was much pleased, when,
+in the course of time, all the dishes they had recommended appeared.
+Their appetites were admirable, and they pronounced the food the same.
+
+"This is true Arab hospitality," said Mr. Peterkin, as he cut his juicy
+beefsteak.
+
+"I know it," said Elizabeth Eliza, whose spirits began to rise. "We have
+not even seen the host and hostess."
+
+She would, indeed, have been glad to find some one to tell her when the
+Sylvesters were expected, and why they had not arrived. Her room was in
+the wing, far from that of Mr. and Mrs. Peterkin, and near the aged deaf
+and foreign ladies, and she was kept awake for some time by perplexed
+thoughts.
+
+She was sure the lady from Philadelphia, under such circumstances, would
+have written to somebody. But ought she to write to Ann Maria or the
+Sylvesters? And, if she did write, which had she better write to? She
+fully determined to write, the first thing in the morning, to both
+parties. But how should she address her letters? Would there be any use
+in sending to the Sylvesters' usual address, which she knew well by this
+time, merely to say they had not come? Of course the Sylvesters would
+know they had not come. It would be the same with Ann Maria.
+
+She might, indeed, inclose her letters to their several postmasters.
+Postmasters were always so obliging, and always knew where people were
+going to, and where to send their letters. She might, at least, write
+two letters, to say that they--the Peterkins--had arrived, and were
+disappointed not to find the Sylvesters. And she could add that their
+trunks had not arrived, and perhaps their friends might look out for
+them on their way. It really seemed a good plan to write. Yet
+another question came up, as to how she would get her letters to the
+post-office, as she had already learned it was at quite a distance, and
+in a different direction from the station, where they were to send the
+next day for their trunks.
+
+She went over and over these same questions, kept awake by the coughing
+and talking of her neighbors, the other side of the thin partition.
+
+She was scarcely sorry to be aroused from her uncomfortable sleep by the
+morning sounds of guinea-hens, peacocks, and every other kind of fowl.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin expressed her satisfaction at the early breakfast, and
+declared she was delighted with such genuine farm sounds.
+
+They passed the day much as the afternoon before, reaching the beach
+only in time to turn round to come back for their dinner, which was
+appointed at noon.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was quite satisfied. "Such a straight road, and the beach
+such a safe place to turn round upon!"
+
+Elizabeth Eliza was not so well pleased. A wagon had been sent to the
+station for their trunks, which could not be found; they were probably
+left at the Boston station, or, Mr. Atwood suggested, might have been
+switched off upon one of the White Mountain trains. There was no use to
+write any letters, as there was no way to send them. Elizabeth Eliza now
+almost hoped the Sylvesters would not come, for what should she do if
+the trunks did not come and all her new dresses? On her way over to the
+beach she had been thinking what she should do with her new foulard and
+cream-colored surah if the Sylvesters did not come, and if their time
+was spent in only driving to the beach and back. But now, she would
+prefer that the Sylvesters would not come till the dresses and the
+trunks did. All she could find out, from inquiry, on returning,
+was, "that another lot was expected on Saturday." The next day she
+suggested:--"Suppose we take our dinner with us to the beach, and spend
+the day." The Sylvesters and Ann Maria then would find them on the
+beach, where her travelling-dress would be quite appropriate. "I am a
+little tired," she added, "of going back and forward over the same road;
+but when the rest come we can vary it."
+
+The plan was agreed to, but Mr. Peterkin and the little boys remained to
+go over the farm again.
+
+They had an excellent picnic on the beach, under the shadow of a ledge
+of sand.
+
+They were just putting up their things when they saw a party of people
+approaching from the other end of the beach.
+
+"I am glad to see some pleasant-looking people at last," said Elizabeth
+Eliza, and they all turned to walk toward them.
+
+As the other party drew near she recognized Ann Maria Bromwick! And with
+her were the Sylvesters,--so they proved to be, for she had never seen
+them before.
+
+"What! you have come in our absence!" exclaimed Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"And we have been wondering what had become of you!" cried Ann Maria.
+
+"I thought you would be at the farm before us," said Elizabeth Eliza to
+Mr.
+
+Sylvester, to whom she was introduced.
+
+"We have been looking for you at the farm," he was saying to her.
+
+"But we are at the farm," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"And so are we!" said Ann Maria.
+
+"We have been there two days," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+"And so have we, at the 'Old Farm,' just at the end of the beach," said
+Ann Maria.
+
+"Our farm is old enough," said Solomon John.
+
+"Whereabouts are you?" asked Mr. Sylvester.
+
+Elizabeth Eliza pointed to the road they had come.
+
+A smile came over Mr. Sylvester's face; he knew the country well.
+
+"You mean the farm-house behind the hill, at the end of the road?" he
+asked.
+
+The Peterkins all nodded affirmatively.
+
+Ann Maria could not restrain herself, as broad smiles came over the
+faces of all the party.
+
+"Why, that is the Poor-house!" she exclaimed.
+
+"The town farm," Mr. Sylvester explained, deprecatingly.
+
+The Peterkins were silent for a while. The Sylvesters tried not to
+laugh.
+
+"There certainly were some disagreeable old men and women there!" said
+Elizabeth Eliza, at last.
+
+"But we have surely been made very comfortable," Mrs. Peterkin declared.
+
+"A very simple mistake," said Mr. Sylvester, continuing his amusement.
+"Your trunks arrived all right at the 'Old Farm,' two days ago."
+
+"Let us go back directly," said Elizabeth Eliza.
+
+"As directly as our horse will allow," said Agamemnon.
+
+Mr. Sylvester helped them into the wagon. "Your rooms are awaiting you,"
+he said. "Why not come with us?"
+
+"We want to find Mr. Peterkin before we do anything else," said Mrs.
+Peterkin.
+
+They rode back in silence, till Elizabeth Eliza said, "Do you suppose
+they took us for paupers?"
+
+"We have not seen any 'they,'" said Solomon John, "except Mr. Atwood."
+
+At the entrance of the farm-yard Mr. Peterkin met them.
+
+"I have been looking for you," he said. "I have just made a discovery."
+
+"We have made it, too," said Elizabeth Eliza; "we are in the
+poor-house."
+
+"How did you find it out?" Mrs. Peterkin asked of Mr. Peterkin.
+
+"Mr. Atwood came to me, puzzled with a telegram that had been brought to
+him from the station, which he ought to have got two days ago. It came
+from a Mr. Peters, whom they were expecting here this week, with his
+wife and boys, to take charge of the establishment. He telegraphed to
+say he cannot come till Friday. Now, Mr. Atwood had supposed we were the
+Peterses, whom he had sent for the day we arrived, not having received
+this telegram."
+
+"Oh, I see, I see!" said Mrs. Peterkin; "and we did get into a muddle at
+the station!"
+
+Mr. Atwood met them at the porch. "I beg pardon," he said. "I hope you
+have found it comfortable here, and shall be glad to have you stay till
+Mr. Peters' family comes."
+
+At this moment wheels were heard. Mr. Sylvester had arrived, with an
+open wagon, to take the Peterkins to the "Old Farm."
+
+Martha was waiting within the door, and said to Elizabeth Eliza, "Beg
+pardon, miss, for thinking you was one of the inmates, and putting you
+in that room. We thought it so kind of Mrs. Peters to take you off every
+day with the other gentlemen, that looked so wandering."
+
+Elizabeth Eliza did not know whether to laugh or to cry.
+
+Mr. Peterkin and the little boys decided to stay at the farm till
+Friday. But Agamemnon and Solomon John preferred to leave with Mr.
+Sylvester, and to take their electrical machine and camera when they
+came for Mr. Peterkin.
+
+Mrs. Peterkin was tempted to stay another night, to be wakened once more
+by the guinea-hens. But Elizabeth Eliza bore her off. There was not much
+packing to be done. She shouted good-by into the ears of the deaf old
+lady, and waved her hand to the foreign one, and glad to bid farewell to
+the old men with their pipes, leaning against the porch.
+
+"This time," she said, "it is not our trunks that were lost"
+
+"But we, as a family," said Mrs. Peterkin.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Peterkin Papers, by Lucretia P. Hale
+
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