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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:53:01 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:53:01 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/30035-0.txt b/30035-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3e4f85b --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,417 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30035 *** + +[Illustration] + + + _Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The + first envoy from another world was about to speak--that + is, if he could forget that horse for a minute...._ + + + off course + + By Mack Reynolds + + Illustrated by Kelly Freas + + +First on the scene were Larry Dermott and Tim Casey of the State Highway +Patrol. They assumed they were witnessing the crash of a new type of Air +Force plane and slipped and skidded desperately across the field to +within thirty feet of the strange craft, only to discover that the +landing had been made without accident. + +Patrolman Dermott shook his head. "They're gettin' queerer looking every +year. Get a load of it--no wheels, no propeller, no cockpit." + +They left the car and made their way toward the strange egg-shaped +vessel. + +Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its holster and said, "Sure, and I'm +beginning to wonder if it's one of ours. No insignia and--" + +A circular door slid open at that point and Dameri Tass stepped out, +yawning. He spotted them, smiled and said, "Glork." + +They gaped at him. + +"Glork is right," Dermott swallowed. + +Tim Casey closed his mouth with an effort. "Do you mind the color of his +face?" he blurted. + +"How could I help it?" + +Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed pink hand down his purplish countenance +and yawned again. "Gorra manigan horp soratium," he said. + +Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman Casey shot stares at each other. "'Tis +double talk he's after givin' us," Casey said. + +Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" he asked. + +Larry Dermott pushed his cap to the back of his head. "That doesn't +sound like any language I've even _heard_ about." + +Dameri Tass grimaced, turned and reentered his spacecraft to emerge in +half a minute with his hands full of contraption. He held a box-like +arrangement under his left arm; in his right hand were two metal caps +connected to the box by wires. + +While the patrolmen watched him, he set the box on the ground, twirled +two dials and put one of the caps on his head. He offered the other to +Larry Dermott; his desire was obvious. + +Trained to grasp a situation and immediately respond in manner best +suited to protect the welfare of the people of New York State, Dermott +cleared his throat and said, "Tim, take over while I report." + +"Hey!" Casey protested, but his fellow minion had left. + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass told Casey, holding out the metal cap. + +"Faith, an' do I look balmy?" Casey told him. "I wouldn't be puttin' +that dingus on my head for all the colleens in Ireland." + +"Mandaia," the stranger said impatiently. + +"Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye can't--" + +Dermott called from the car, "Tim, the captain says to humor this guy. +We're to keep him here until the officials arrive." + +Tim Casey closed his eyes and groaned. "Humor him, he's after sayin'. +Orders it is." He shouted back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's in +technicolor? Begorra, he looks like a man from Mars." + +"That's what they think," Larry yelled, "and the governor is on his way. +We're to do everything possible short of violence to keep this character +here. Humor him, Tim!" + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass snapped, pushing the cap into Casey's reluctant +hands. + +Muttering his protests, Casey lifted it gingerly and placed it on his +head. Not feeling any immediate effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfied +ye are now, I'm supposin'." + +The alien stooped down and flicked a switch on the little box. It +hummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly shrieked and sat down on the stubble +and grass of the field. "Begorra," he yelped, "I've been murthered!" He +tore the cap from his head. + +His companion came running, "What's the matter, Tim?" he shouted. + +Dameri Tass removed the metal cap from his own head. "Sure, an' nothin' +is after bein' the matter with him," he said. "Evidently the bhoy has +niver been a-wearin' of a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt him not at +all." + + * * * * * + +"You can talk!" Dermott blurted, skidding to a stop. + +Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' why not? As I was after sayin', I +shared the kerit helmet with Tim Casey." + +Patrolman Dermott glared at him unbelievingly. "You learned the language +just by sticking that Rube Goldberg deal on Tim's head?" + +"Sure, an' why not?" + +Dermott muttered, "And with it he has to pick up the corniest brogue +west of Dublin." + +Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. "I'm after resentin' that, Larry +Dermott. Sure, an' the way we talk in Ireland is--" + +Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing to a bedraggled horse that had made +its way to within fifty feet of the vessel. "Now what could that be +after bein'?" + +The patrolmen followed his stare. "It's a horse. What else?" + +"A horse?" + +Larry Dermott looked again, just to make sure. "Yeah--not much of a +horse, but a horse." + +Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. "And jist what is a horse, if I may be +so bold as to be askin'?" + +"It's an animal you ride on." + +The alien tore his gaze from the animal to look his disbelief at the +other. "Are you after meanin' that you climb upon the crature's back and +ride him? Faith now, quit your blarney." + +He looked at the horse again, then down at his equipment. "Begorra," he +muttered, "I'll share the kerit helmet with the crature." + +"Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. He was beginning to feel like a +character in a shaggy dog story. + +Interest in the horse was ended with the sudden arrival of a helicopter. +It swooped down on the field and settled within twenty feet of the alien +craft. Almost before it had touched, the door was flung open and the +flying windmill disgorged two bestarred and efficient-looking Army +officers. + +Casey and Dermott snapped them a salute. + +The senior general didn't take his eyes from the alien and the +spacecraft as he spoke, and they bugged quite as effectively as had +those of the patrolmen when they'd first arrived on the scene. + +"I'm Major General Browning," he rapped. "I want a police cordon thrown +up around this, er, vessel. No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody without my +permission. As soon as Army personnel arrives, we'll take over +completely." + +"Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I just got a report on the radio that +the governor is on his way, sir. How about him?" + +The general muttered something under his breath. Then, "When the +governor arrives, let me know; otherwise, nobody gets through!" + +Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and what goes on?" + +The general's eyes bugged still further. "_He talks!_" he accused. + +"Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He had some kind of a machine. He put it over +Tim's head and seconds later he could talk." + +"Nonsense!" the general snapped. + +Further discussion was interrupted by the screaming arrival of several +motorcycle patrolmen followed by three heavily laden patrol cars. +Overhead, pursuit planes zoomed in and began darting about nervously +above the field. + +"Sure, and it's quite a reception I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said. +He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' is a chance to get some sleep. Faith, +an' I've been awake for almost a _decal_." + + * * * * * + +Dameri Tass was hurried, via helicopter, to Washington. There he +disappeared for several days, being held incommunicado while White +House, Pentagon, State Department and Congress tried to figure out just +what to do with him. + +Never in the history of the planet had such a furor arisen. Thus far, no +newspapermen had been allowed within speaking distance. Administration +higher-ups were being subjected to a volcano of editorial heat but the +longer the space alien was discussed the more they viewed with alarm the +situation his arrival had precipitated. There were angles that hadn't at +first been evident. + +Obviously he was from some civilization far beyond that of Earth's. That +was the rub. No matter what he said, it would shake governments, +possibly overthrow social systems, perhaps even destroy established +religious concepts. + +But they couldn't keep him under wraps indefinitely. + +It was the United Nations that cracked the iron curtain. Their demands +that the alien be heard before their body were too strong and had too +much public opinion behind them to be ignored. The White House yielded +and the date was set for the visitor to speak before the Assembly. + +Excitement, anticipation, blanketed the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang, +multi-millionaires in Switzerland, fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in the +Argentine were raised to a zenith of expectation. Panhandlers debated +the message to come with pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued it with +their passengers; miners discussed it deep beneath the surface; pilots +argued with their co-pilots thousands of feet above. + +It was the most universally awaited event of the ages. + +By the time the delegates from every nation, tribe, religion, class, +color, and race had gathered in New York to receive the message from the +stars, the majority of Earth had decided that Dameri Tass was the +plenipotentiary of a super-civilization which had been viewing +developments on this planet with misgivings. It was thought this other +civilization had advanced greatly beyond Earth's and that the problems +besetting us--social, economic, scientific--had been solved by the +super-civilization. Obviously, then, Dameri Tass had come, an advisor +from a benevolent and friendly people, to guide the world aright. + +And nine-tenths of the population of Earth stood ready and willing to be +guided. The other tenth liked things as they were and were quite +convinced that the space envoy would upset their applecarts. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen, Secretary-General of the U.N., was to introduce the +space emissary. "Can you give me an idea at all of what he is like?" he +asked nervously. + +President McCord was as upset as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. "I +know almost as little as you do." + +Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But my dear chap, you've had him for +almost two weeks. Certainly in that time--" + +The President snapped back, "You probably won't believe this, but he's +been asleep until yesterday. When he first arrived he told us he hadn't +slept for a _decal_, whatever that is; so we held off our discussion +with him until morning. Well--he didn't awaken in the morning, nor the +next. Six days later, fearing something was wrong we woke him." + +"What happened?" Sir Alfred asked. + +The President showed embarrassment. "He used some rather ripe Irish +profanity on us, rolled over, and went back to sleep." + +Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, what happened yesterday?" + +"We actually haven't had time to question him. Among other things, +there's been some controversy about whose jurisdiction he comes under. +The State Department claims the Army shouldn't--" + +The Secretary General sighed deeply. "Just what _did_ he do?" + +"The Secret Service reports he spent the day whistling Mother Machree +and playing with his dog, cat and mouse." + +"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" blurted Sir Alfred. + +The President was defensive. "He had to have some occupation, and he +seems to be particularly interested in our animal life. He wanted a +horse but compromised for the others. I understand he insists all three +of them come with him wherever he goes." + +"I wish we knew what he was going to say," Andersen worried. + +"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred. + +Surrounded by F.B.I. men, Dameri Tass was ushered to the speaker's +stand. He had a kitten in his arms; a Scotty followed him. + +The alien frowned worriedly. "Sure," he said, "and what kin all this be? +Is it some ordinance I've been after breakin'?" + +McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen hastened to reassure him and made him +comfortable in a chair. + +Viljalmar Andersen faced the thousands in the audience and held up his +hands, but it was ten minutes before he was able to quiet the cheering, +stamping delegates from all Earth. + +Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall not take your time for a lengthy +introduction of the envoy from the stars. I will only say that, without +doubt, this is the most important moment in the history of the human +race. We will now hear from the first being to come to Earth from +another world." + +He turned and gestured to Dameri Tass who hadn't been paying overmuch +attention to the chairman in view of some dog and cat hostilities that +had been developing about his feet. + +But now the alien's purplish face faded to a light blue. He stood and +said hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was that last you said?" + +Viljalmar Andersen repeated, "We will now hear from the first being ever +to come to Earth from another world." + +The face of the alien went a lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't jist +be frightenin' a body, would ye? You don't mean to tell me this planet +isn't after bein' a member of the Galactic League?" + +Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic League?" + +"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass moaned. "I've gone and put me foot in it +again. I'll be after getting _kert_ for this." + +Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I don't understand! Do you mean you aren't +an envoy from another planet?" + +Dameri Tass held his head in his hands and groaned. "An envoy, he's +sayin', and meself only a second-rate collector of specimens for the +Carthis zoo." + +He straightened and started off the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I must +blast off immediately." + +Things were moving fast for President McCord but already an edge of +relief was manifesting itself. Taking the initiative, he said, "Of +course, of course, if that is your desire." He signaled to the bodyguard +who had accompanied the alien to the assemblage. + +A dull roar was beginning to emanate from the thousands gathered in the +tremendous hall, murmuring, questioning, disbelieving. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen felt that he must say something. He extended a +detaining hand. "Now you are here," he said urgently, "even though by +mistake, before you go can't you give us some brief word? Our world is +in chaos. Many of us have lost faith. Perhaps ..." + +Dameri Tass shook off the restraining hand. "Do I look daft? Begorry, I +should have been a-knowin' something was queer. All your weapons and +your strange ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised if ye hadn't yet +established a planet-wide government. Sure, an' I'll go still further. +Ye probably still have wars on this benighted world. No wonder it is ye +haven't been invited to join the Galactic League an' take your place +among the civilized planets." + +He hustled from the rostrum and made his way, still surrounded by +guards, to the door by which he had entered. The dog and the cat trotted +after, undismayed by the furor about them. + +They arrived about four hours later at the field on which he'd landed, +and the alien from space hurried toward his craft, still muttering. He'd +been accompanied by a general and by the President, but all the way he +had refrained from speaking. + +He scurried from the car and toward the spacecraft. + +President McCord said, "You've forgotten your pets. We would be glad if +you would accept them as--" + +The alien's face faded a light blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almost +forgotten," he said. "If I'd taken a crature from this quarantined +planet, my name'd be _nork_. Keep your dog and your kitty." He shook his +head sadly and extracted a mouse from a pocket. "An' this amazin' little +crature as well." + +They followed him to the spacecraft. Just before entering, he spotted +the bedraggled horse that had been present on his landing. + +A longing expression came over his highly colored face. "Jist one +thing," he said. "Faith now, were they pullin' my leg when they said you +were after ridin' on the back of those things?" + +The President looked at the woebegone nag. "It's a horse," he said, +surprised. "Man has been riding them for centuries." + +Dameri Tass shook his head. "Sure, an' 'twould've been my makin' if I +could've taken one back to Carthis." He entered his vessel. + +The others drew back, out of range of the expected blast, and watched, +each with his own thoughts, as the first visitor from space hurriedly +left Earth. + + + ... THE END + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January + 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Off Course, by +Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30035 *** diff --git a/30035-h.zip b/30035-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..43db495 --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-h.zip diff --git a/30035-h/30035-h.htm b/30035-h/30035-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..42b385e --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-h/30035-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,675 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Off Course, by Mack Reynolds + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2,.hd1 {text-align: center; font-weight: normal;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 2em auto; visibility: hidden;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .rgt {text-align: right; margin-top: 2em;} + .figc {margin: 0 auto; width: 600px;} + img {border: none;} + a:link,a:visited {text-decoration: none;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + .dcap {text-transform: uppercase;} + .figt {float: left; clear: left; margin: 15px; padding: 0; width: 297px;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; min-height: 230px;} + .trn p {margin: 15px;} + .bk1 {margin: 1em auto; width: 30em;} + .sp1 {font-size: 150%;} + .hd1 {margin-bottom: 3em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30035 ***</div> + +<div class="figc"><img src="images/001.png" width="600" height="392" alt="" title="" /></div> + +<div class="bk1"><p><big><i>Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The +first envoy from another world was about to speak—that +is, if he could forget that horse for a minute....</i></big></p></div> + +<h1><b><span class="sp1">off course</span></b></h1> + +<h2>By Mack Reynolds</h2> + +<p class="hd1">Illustrated by Kelly Freas</p> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">First on</span> the scene were Larry +Dermott and Tim Casey of the +State Highway Patrol. They assumed +they were witnessing the +crash of a new type of Air Force +plane and slipped and skidded desperately +across the field to within +thirty feet of the strange craft, only +to discover that the landing had +been made without accident.</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott shook his +head. "They're gettin' queerer looking +every year. Get a load of it—no +wheels, no propeller, no cockpit."</p> + +<p>They left the car and made their +way toward the strange egg-shaped +vessel.</p> + +<p>Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its +holster and said, "Sure, and I'm +beginning to wonder if it's one of +ours. No insignia and—"</p> + +<p>A circular door slid open at that +point and Dameri Tass stepped out, +yawning. He spotted them, smiled +and said, "Glork."</p> + +<p>They gaped at him.</p> + +<p>"Glork is right," Dermott swallowed.</p> + +<p>Tim Casey closed his mouth with +an effort. "Do you mind the color +of his face?" he blurted.</p> + +<p>"How could I help it?"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed +pink hand down his purplish countenance +and yawned again. "Gorra +manigan horp soratium," he said.</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman +Casey shot stares at each other. +"'Tis double talk he's after givin' +us," Casey said.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" +he asked.</p> + +<p>Larry Dermott pushed his cap to +the back of his head. "That doesn't +sound like any language I've even +<i>heard</i> about."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass grimaced, turned +and reentered his spacecraft to +emerge in half a minute with his +hands full of contraption. He held +a box-like arrangement under his +left arm; in his right hand were two +metal caps connected to the box +by wires.</p> + +<p>While the patrolmen watched +him, he set the box on the ground, +twirled two dials and put one of the +caps on his head. He offered the +other to Larry Dermott; his desire +was obvious.</p> + +<p>Trained to grasp a situation and +immediately respond in manner best +suited to protect the welfare of the +people of New York State, Dermott +cleared his throat and said, "Tim, +take over while I report."</p> + +<p>"Hey!" Casey protested, but his +fellow minion had left.</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," Dameri Tass told +Casey, holding out the metal cap.</p> + +<p>"Faith, an' do I look balmy?" +Casey told him. "I wouldn't be +puttin' that dingus on my head for +all the colleens in Ireland."</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," the stranger said +impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye +can't—"</p> + +<p>Dermott called from the car, +"Tim, the captain says to humor +this guy. We're to keep him here +until the officials arrive."</p> + +<p>Tim Casey closed his eyes and +groaned. "Humor him, he's after +sayin'. Orders it is." He shouted +back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's +in technicolor? Begorra, he looks +like a man from Mars."</p> + +<p>"That's what they think," Larry +yelled, "and the governor is on his +way. We're to do everything possible +short of violence to keep this +character here. Humor him, Tim!"</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," Dameri Tass +snapped, pushing the cap into +Casey's reluctant hands.</p> + +<p>Muttering his protests, Casey +lifted it gingerly and placed it on +his head. Not feeling any immediate +effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfied +ye are now, I'm supposin'."</p> + +<p>The alien stooped down and +flicked a switch on the little box. +It hummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly +shrieked and sat down on the +stubble and grass of the field. "Begorra," +he yelped, "I've been murthered!" +He tore the cap from +his head.</p> + +<p>His companion came running, +"What's the matter, Tim?" he +shouted.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass removed the metal +cap from his own head. "Sure, an' +nothin' is after bein' the matter +with him," he said. "Evidently the +bhoy has niver been a-wearin' of +a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt +him not at all."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">"You can</span> talk!" Dermott +blurted, skidding to a stop.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' +why not? As I was after sayin', I +shared the kerit helmet with Tim +Casey."</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott glared at him +unbelievingly. "You learned the +language just by sticking that Rube +Goldberg deal on Tim's head?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, an' why not?"</p> + +<p>Dermott muttered, "And with it +he has to pick up the corniest +brogue west of Dublin."</p> + +<p>Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. +"I'm after resentin' that, +Larry Dermott. Sure, an' the way +we talk in Ireland is—"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing +to a bedraggled horse that had +made its way to within fifty feet of +the vessel. "Now what could that +be after bein'?"</p> + +<p>The patrolmen followed his stare. +"It's a horse. What else?"</p> + +<p>"A horse?"</p> + +<p>Larry Dermott looked again, just +to make sure. "Yeah—not much of +a horse, but a horse."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. +"And jist what is a horse, if I may +be so bold as to be askin'?"</p> + +<p>"It's an animal you ride on."</p> + +<p>The alien tore his gaze from the +animal to look his disbelief at the +other. "Are you after meanin' that +you climb upon the crature's back +and ride him? Faith now, quit your +blarney."</p> + +<p>He looked at the horse again, +then down at his equipment. "Begorra," +he muttered, "I'll share the +kerit helmet with the crature."</p> + +<p>"Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. +He was beginning to feel +like a character in a shaggy dog +story.</p> + +<p>Interest in the horse was ended +with the sudden arrival of a helicopter. +It swooped down on the +field and settled within twenty feet +of the alien craft. Almost before it +had touched, the door was flung +open and the flying windmill disgorged +two bestarred and efficient-looking +Army officers.</p> + +<p>Casey and Dermott snapped them +a salute.</p> + +<p>The senior general didn't take +his eyes from the alien and the +spacecraft as he spoke, and they +bugged quite as effectively as had +those of the patrolmen when they'd +first arrived on the scene.</p> + +<p>"I'm Major General Browning," +he rapped. "I want a police cordon +thrown up around this, er, vessel. +No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody +without my permission. As soon as +Army personnel arrives, we'll take +over completely."</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I +just got a report on the radio that +the governor is on his way, sir. How +about him?"</p> + +<p>The general muttered something +under his breath. Then, "When the +governor arrives, let me know; +otherwise, nobody gets through!"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and +what goes on?"</p> + +<p>The general's eyes bugged still +further. "<i>He talks!</i>" he accused.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He +had some kind of a machine. He +put it over Tim's head and seconds +later he could talk."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" the general snapped.</p> + +<p>Further discussion was interrupted +by the screaming arrival of +several motorcycle patrolmen followed +by three heavily laden patrol +cars. Overhead, pursuit planes +zoomed in and began darting about +nervously above the field.</p> + +<p>"Sure, and it's quite a reception +I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said. +He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' +is a chance to get some sleep. Faith, +an' I've been awake for almost a +<i>decal</i>."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Dameri Tass</span> was hurried, via +helicopter, to Washington. There +he disappeared for several days, +being held incommunicado while +White House, Pentagon, State Department +and Congress tried to +figure out just what to do with him.</p> + +<p>Never in the history of the planet +had such a furor arisen. Thus far, +no newspapermen had been allowed +within speaking distance. Administration +higher-ups were being subjected +to a volcano of editorial heat +but the longer the space alien was +discussed the more they viewed with +alarm the situation his arrival had +precipitated. There were angles that +hadn't at first been evident.</p> + +<p>Obviously he was from some civilization +far beyond that of Earth's. +That was the rub. No matter what +he said, it would shake governments, +possibly overthrow social systems, +perhaps even destroy established religious +concepts.</p> + +<p>But they couldn't keep him under +wraps indefinitely.</p> + +<p>It was the United Nations that +cracked the iron curtain. Their demands +that the alien be heard before +their body were too strong and +had too much public opinion behind +them to be ignored. The White +House yielded and the date was set +for the visitor to speak before the +Assembly.</p> + +<p>Excitement, anticipation, blanketed +the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang, +multi-millionaires in Switzerland, +fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in +the Argentine were raised to a +zenith of expectation. Panhandlers +debated the message to come with +pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued +it with their passengers; miners discussed +it deep beneath the surface; +pilots argued with their co-pilots +thousands of feet above.</p> + +<p>It was the most universally +awaited event of the ages.</p> + +<p>By the time the delegates from +every nation, tribe, religion, class, +color, and race had gathered in +New York to receive the message +from the stars, the majority of +Earth had decided that Dameri +Tass was the plenipotentiary of a +super-civilization which had been +viewing developments on this planet +with misgivings. It was thought +this other civilization had advanced +greatly beyond Earth's and that the +problems besetting us—social, economic, +scientific—had been solved +by the super-civilization. Obviously, +then, Dameri Tass had come, an +advisor from a benevolent and +friendly people, to guide the world +aright.</p> + +<p>And nine-tenths of the population +of Earth stood ready and willing +to be guided. The other tenth +liked things as they were and were +quite convinced that the space +envoy would upset their applecarts.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Viljalmar Andersen</span>, Secretary-General +of the U.N., was to +introduce the space emissary. "Can +you give me an idea at all of what +he is like?" he asked nervously.</p> + +<p>President McCord was as upset +as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. +"I know almost as little as +you do."</p> + +<p>Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But +my dear chap, you've had him for +almost two weeks. Certainly in that +time—"</p> + +<p>The President snapped back, +"You probably won't believe this, +but he's been asleep until yesterday. +When he first arrived he told us he +hadn't slept for a <i>decal</i>, whatever +that is; so we held off our discussion +with him until morning. Well—he +didn't awaken in the morning, +nor the next. Six days later, fearing +something was wrong we woke +him."</p> + +<p>"What happened?" Sir Alfred +asked.</p> + +<p>The President showed embarrassment. +"He used some rather ripe +Irish profanity on us, rolled over, +and went back to sleep."</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, +what happened yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"We actually haven't had time to +question him. Among other things, +there's been some controversy about +whose jurisdiction he comes under. +The State Department claims the +Army shouldn't—"</p> + +<p>The Secretary General sighed +deeply. "Just what <i>did</i> he do?"</p> + +<p>"The Secret Service reports he +spent the day whistling Mother Machree +and playing with his dog, cat +and mouse."</p> + +<p>"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" +blurted Sir Alfred.</p> + +<p>The President was defensive. "He +had to have some occupation, and +he seems to be particularly interested +in our animal life. He wanted +a horse but compromised for the +others. I understand he insists all +three of them come with him wherever +he goes."</p> + +<p>"I wish we knew what he was +going to say," Andersen worried.</p> + +<p>"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred.</p> + +<p>Surrounded by F.B.I. men, +Dameri Tass was ushered to the +speaker's stand. He had a kitten in +his arms; a Scotty followed him.</p> + +<p>The alien frowned worriedly. +"Sure," he said, "and what kin all +this be? Is it some ordinance I've +been after breakin'?"</p> + +<p>McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen +hastened to reassure him and +made him comfortable in a chair.</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen faced the +thousands in the audience and held +up his hands, but it was ten minutes +before he was able to quiet the +cheering, stamping delegates from +all Earth.</p> + +<p>Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall +not take your time for a lengthy +introduction of the envoy from the +stars. I will only say that, without +doubt, this is the most important +moment in the history of the human +race. We will now hear from the +first being to come to Earth from +another world."</p> + +<p>He turned and gestured to Dameri +Tass who hadn't been paying +overmuch attention to the chairman +in view of some dog and cat +hostilities that had been developing +about his feet.</p> + +<p>But now the alien's purplish face +faded to a light blue. He stood and +said hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was +that last you said?"</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen repeated, +"We will now hear from the first +being ever to come to Earth from +another world."</p> + +<p>The face of the alien went a +lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't +jist be frightenin' a body, would +ye? You don't mean to tell me this +planet isn't after bein' a member of +the Galactic League?"</p> + +<p>Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic +League?"</p> + +<p>"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass +moaned. "I've gone and put me +foot in it again. I'll be after getting +<i>kert</i> for this."</p> + +<p>Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I +don't understand! Do you mean you +aren't an envoy from another +planet?"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass held his head in his +hands and groaned. "An envoy, he's +sayin', and meself only a second-rate +collector of specimens for the Carthis +zoo."</p> + +<p>He straightened and started off +the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I +must blast off immediately."</p> + +<p>Things were moving fast for +President McCord but already an +edge of relief was manifesting itself. +Taking the initiative, he said, "Of +course, of course, if that is your +desire." He signaled to the bodyguard +who had accompanied the +alien to the assemblage.</p> + +<p>A dull roar was beginning to +emanate from the thousands gathered +in the tremendous hall, murmuring, +questioning, disbelieving.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Viljalmar Andersen</span> felt that +he must say something. He extended +a detaining hand. "Now you +are here," he said urgently, "even +though by mistake, before you go +can't you give us some brief word? +Our world is in chaos. Many of us +have lost faith. Perhaps ..."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shook off the restraining +hand. "Do I look daft? +Begorry, I should have been +a-knowin' something was queer. All +your weapons and your strange +ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised +if ye hadn't yet established +a planet-wide government. Sure, +an' I'll go still further. Ye probably +still have wars on this benighted +world. No wonder it is ye +haven't been invited to join the +Galactic League an' take your place +among the civilized planets."</p> + +<p>He hustled from the rostrum and +made his way, still surrounded by +guards, to the door by which he had +entered. The dog and the cat trotted +after, undismayed by the furor +about them.</p> + +<p>They arrived about four hours +later at the field on which he'd +landed, and the alien from space +hurried toward his craft, still muttering. +He'd been accompanied by a +general and by the President, but +all the way he had refrained from +speaking.</p> + +<p>He scurried from the car and +toward the spacecraft.</p> + +<p>President McCord said, "You've +forgotten your pets. We would be +glad if you would accept them as—"</p> + +<p>The alien's face faded a light +blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almost +forgotten," he said. "If I'd taken +a crature from this quarantined +planet, my name'd be <i>nork</i>. Keep +your dog and your kitty." He shook +his head sadly and extracted a +mouse from a pocket. "An' this +amazin' little crature as well."</p> + +<p>They followed him to the spacecraft. +Just before entering, he spotted +the bedraggled horse that had +been present on his landing.</p> + +<p>A longing expression came over +his highly colored face. "Jist one +thing," he said. "Faith now, were +they pullin' my leg when they said +you were after ridin' on the back of +those things?"</p> + +<p>The President looked at the woebegone +nag. "It's a horse," he said, +surprised. "Man has been riding +them for centuries."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shook his head. +"Sure, an' 'twould've been my +makin' if I could've taken one back +to Carthis." He entered his vessel.</p> + +<p>The others drew back, out of +range of the expected blast, and +watched, each with his own +thoughts, as the first visitor from +space hurriedly left Earth.</p> + +<p class="rgt"><b>... THE END</b></p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="297" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> January 1954. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30035 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/30035-h/images/001.png b/30035-h/images/001.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b904d1f --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-h/images/001.png diff --git a/30035-h/images/002-1.jpg b/30035-h/images/002-1.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..002d1f4 --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-h/images/002-1.jpg diff --git a/30035-h/images/002-2.jpg b/30035-h/images/002-2.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..06691c1 --- /dev/null +++ b/30035-h/images/002-2.jpg diff --git a/30035.txt b/30035.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fc6b6eb --- /dev/null +++ b/30035.txt @@ -0,0 +1,811 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Off Course, by Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Off Course + +Author: Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +Illustrator: Kelly Freas + +Release Date: September 19, 2009 [EBook #30035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration] + + + _Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The + first envoy from another world was about to speak--that + is, if he could forget that horse for a minute...._ + + + off course + + By Mack Reynolds + + Illustrated by Kelly Freas + + +First on the scene were Larry Dermott and Tim Casey of the State Highway +Patrol. They assumed they were witnessing the crash of a new type of Air +Force plane and slipped and skidded desperately across the field to +within thirty feet of the strange craft, only to discover that the +landing had been made without accident. + +Patrolman Dermott shook his head. "They're gettin' queerer looking every +year. Get a load of it--no wheels, no propeller, no cockpit." + +They left the car and made their way toward the strange egg-shaped +vessel. + +Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its holster and said, "Sure, and I'm +beginning to wonder if it's one of ours. No insignia and--" + +A circular door slid open at that point and Dameri Tass stepped out, +yawning. He spotted them, smiled and said, "Glork." + +They gaped at him. + +"Glork is right," Dermott swallowed. + +Tim Casey closed his mouth with an effort. "Do you mind the color of his +face?" he blurted. + +"How could I help it?" + +Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed pink hand down his purplish countenance +and yawned again. "Gorra manigan horp soratium," he said. + +Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman Casey shot stares at each other. "'Tis +double talk he's after givin' us," Casey said. + +Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" he asked. + +Larry Dermott pushed his cap to the back of his head. "That doesn't +sound like any language I've even _heard_ about." + +Dameri Tass grimaced, turned and reentered his spacecraft to emerge in +half a minute with his hands full of contraption. He held a box-like +arrangement under his left arm; in his right hand were two metal caps +connected to the box by wires. + +While the patrolmen watched him, he set the box on the ground, twirled +two dials and put one of the caps on his head. He offered the other to +Larry Dermott; his desire was obvious. + +Trained to grasp a situation and immediately respond in manner best +suited to protect the welfare of the people of New York State, Dermott +cleared his throat and said, "Tim, take over while I report." + +"Hey!" Casey protested, but his fellow minion had left. + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass told Casey, holding out the metal cap. + +"Faith, an' do I look balmy?" Casey told him. "I wouldn't be puttin' +that dingus on my head for all the colleens in Ireland." + +"Mandaia," the stranger said impatiently. + +"Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye can't--" + +Dermott called from the car, "Tim, the captain says to humor this guy. +We're to keep him here until the officials arrive." + +Tim Casey closed his eyes and groaned. "Humor him, he's after sayin'. +Orders it is." He shouted back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's in +technicolor? Begorra, he looks like a man from Mars." + +"That's what they think," Larry yelled, "and the governor is on his way. +We're to do everything possible short of violence to keep this character +here. Humor him, Tim!" + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass snapped, pushing the cap into Casey's reluctant +hands. + +Muttering his protests, Casey lifted it gingerly and placed it on his +head. Not feeling any immediate effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfied +ye are now, I'm supposin'." + +The alien stooped down and flicked a switch on the little box. It +hummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly shrieked and sat down on the stubble +and grass of the field. "Begorra," he yelped, "I've been murthered!" He +tore the cap from his head. + +His companion came running, "What's the matter, Tim?" he shouted. + +Dameri Tass removed the metal cap from his own head. "Sure, an' nothin' +is after bein' the matter with him," he said. "Evidently the bhoy has +niver been a-wearin' of a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt him not at +all." + + * * * * * + +"You can talk!" Dermott blurted, skidding to a stop. + +Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' why not? As I was after sayin', I +shared the kerit helmet with Tim Casey." + +Patrolman Dermott glared at him unbelievingly. "You learned the language +just by sticking that Rube Goldberg deal on Tim's head?" + +"Sure, an' why not?" + +Dermott muttered, "And with it he has to pick up the corniest brogue +west of Dublin." + +Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. "I'm after resentin' that, Larry +Dermott. Sure, an' the way we talk in Ireland is--" + +Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing to a bedraggled horse that had made +its way to within fifty feet of the vessel. "Now what could that be +after bein'?" + +The patrolmen followed his stare. "It's a horse. What else?" + +"A horse?" + +Larry Dermott looked again, just to make sure. "Yeah--not much of a +horse, but a horse." + +Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. "And jist what is a horse, if I may be +so bold as to be askin'?" + +"It's an animal you ride on." + +The alien tore his gaze from the animal to look his disbelief at the +other. "Are you after meanin' that you climb upon the crature's back and +ride him? Faith now, quit your blarney." + +He looked at the horse again, then down at his equipment. "Begorra," he +muttered, "I'll share the kerit helmet with the crature." + +"Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. He was beginning to feel like a +character in a shaggy dog story. + +Interest in the horse was ended with the sudden arrival of a helicopter. +It swooped down on the field and settled within twenty feet of the alien +craft. Almost before it had touched, the door was flung open and the +flying windmill disgorged two bestarred and efficient-looking Army +officers. + +Casey and Dermott snapped them a salute. + +The senior general didn't take his eyes from the alien and the +spacecraft as he spoke, and they bugged quite as effectively as had +those of the patrolmen when they'd first arrived on the scene. + +"I'm Major General Browning," he rapped. "I want a police cordon thrown +up around this, er, vessel. No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody without my +permission. As soon as Army personnel arrives, we'll take over +completely." + +"Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I just got a report on the radio that +the governor is on his way, sir. How about him?" + +The general muttered something under his breath. Then, "When the +governor arrives, let me know; otherwise, nobody gets through!" + +Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and what goes on?" + +The general's eyes bugged still further. "_He talks!_" he accused. + +"Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He had some kind of a machine. He put it over +Tim's head and seconds later he could talk." + +"Nonsense!" the general snapped. + +Further discussion was interrupted by the screaming arrival of several +motorcycle patrolmen followed by three heavily laden patrol cars. +Overhead, pursuit planes zoomed in and began darting about nervously +above the field. + +"Sure, and it's quite a reception I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said. +He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' is a chance to get some sleep. Faith, +an' I've been awake for almost a _decal_." + + * * * * * + +Dameri Tass was hurried, via helicopter, to Washington. There he +disappeared for several days, being held incommunicado while White +House, Pentagon, State Department and Congress tried to figure out just +what to do with him. + +Never in the history of the planet had such a furor arisen. Thus far, no +newspapermen had been allowed within speaking distance. Administration +higher-ups were being subjected to a volcano of editorial heat but the +longer the space alien was discussed the more they viewed with alarm the +situation his arrival had precipitated. There were angles that hadn't at +first been evident. + +Obviously he was from some civilization far beyond that of Earth's. That +was the rub. No matter what he said, it would shake governments, +possibly overthrow social systems, perhaps even destroy established +religious concepts. + +But they couldn't keep him under wraps indefinitely. + +It was the United Nations that cracked the iron curtain. Their demands +that the alien be heard before their body were too strong and had too +much public opinion behind them to be ignored. The White House yielded +and the date was set for the visitor to speak before the Assembly. + +Excitement, anticipation, blanketed the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang, +multi-millionaires in Switzerland, fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in the +Argentine were raised to a zenith of expectation. Panhandlers debated +the message to come with pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued it with +their passengers; miners discussed it deep beneath the surface; pilots +argued with their co-pilots thousands of feet above. + +It was the most universally awaited event of the ages. + +By the time the delegates from every nation, tribe, religion, class, +color, and race had gathered in New York to receive the message from the +stars, the majority of Earth had decided that Dameri Tass was the +plenipotentiary of a super-civilization which had been viewing +developments on this planet with misgivings. It was thought this other +civilization had advanced greatly beyond Earth's and that the problems +besetting us--social, economic, scientific--had been solved by the +super-civilization. Obviously, then, Dameri Tass had come, an advisor +from a benevolent and friendly people, to guide the world aright. + +And nine-tenths of the population of Earth stood ready and willing to be +guided. The other tenth liked things as they were and were quite +convinced that the space envoy would upset their applecarts. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen, Secretary-General of the U.N., was to introduce the +space emissary. "Can you give me an idea at all of what he is like?" he +asked nervously. + +President McCord was as upset as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. "I +know almost as little as you do." + +Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But my dear chap, you've had him for +almost two weeks. Certainly in that time--" + +The President snapped back, "You probably won't believe this, but he's +been asleep until yesterday. When he first arrived he told us he hadn't +slept for a _decal_, whatever that is; so we held off our discussion +with him until morning. Well--he didn't awaken in the morning, nor the +next. Six days later, fearing something was wrong we woke him." + +"What happened?" Sir Alfred asked. + +The President showed embarrassment. "He used some rather ripe Irish +profanity on us, rolled over, and went back to sleep." + +Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, what happened yesterday?" + +"We actually haven't had time to question him. Among other things, +there's been some controversy about whose jurisdiction he comes under. +The State Department claims the Army shouldn't--" + +The Secretary General sighed deeply. "Just what _did_ he do?" + +"The Secret Service reports he spent the day whistling Mother Machree +and playing with his dog, cat and mouse." + +"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" blurted Sir Alfred. + +The President was defensive. "He had to have some occupation, and he +seems to be particularly interested in our animal life. He wanted a +horse but compromised for the others. I understand he insists all three +of them come with him wherever he goes." + +"I wish we knew what he was going to say," Andersen worried. + +"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred. + +Surrounded by F.B.I. men, Dameri Tass was ushered to the speaker's +stand. He had a kitten in his arms; a Scotty followed him. + +The alien frowned worriedly. "Sure," he said, "and what kin all this be? +Is it some ordinance I've been after breakin'?" + +McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen hastened to reassure him and made him +comfortable in a chair. + +Viljalmar Andersen faced the thousands in the audience and held up his +hands, but it was ten minutes before he was able to quiet the cheering, +stamping delegates from all Earth. + +Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall not take your time for a lengthy +introduction of the envoy from the stars. I will only say that, without +doubt, this is the most important moment in the history of the human +race. We will now hear from the first being to come to Earth from +another world." + +He turned and gestured to Dameri Tass who hadn't been paying overmuch +attention to the chairman in view of some dog and cat hostilities that +had been developing about his feet. + +But now the alien's purplish face faded to a light blue. He stood and +said hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was that last you said?" + +Viljalmar Andersen repeated, "We will now hear from the first being ever +to come to Earth from another world." + +The face of the alien went a lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't jist +be frightenin' a body, would ye? You don't mean to tell me this planet +isn't after bein' a member of the Galactic League?" + +Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic League?" + +"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass moaned. "I've gone and put me foot in it +again. I'll be after getting _kert_ for this." + +Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I don't understand! Do you mean you aren't +an envoy from another planet?" + +Dameri Tass held his head in his hands and groaned. "An envoy, he's +sayin', and meself only a second-rate collector of specimens for the +Carthis zoo." + +He straightened and started off the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I must +blast off immediately." + +Things were moving fast for President McCord but already an edge of +relief was manifesting itself. Taking the initiative, he said, "Of +course, of course, if that is your desire." He signaled to the bodyguard +who had accompanied the alien to the assemblage. + +A dull roar was beginning to emanate from the thousands gathered in the +tremendous hall, murmuring, questioning, disbelieving. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen felt that he must say something. He extended a +detaining hand. "Now you are here," he said urgently, "even though by +mistake, before you go can't you give us some brief word? Our world is +in chaos. Many of us have lost faith. Perhaps ..." + +Dameri Tass shook off the restraining hand. "Do I look daft? Begorry, I +should have been a-knowin' something was queer. All your weapons and +your strange ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised if ye hadn't yet +established a planet-wide government. Sure, an' I'll go still further. +Ye probably still have wars on this benighted world. No wonder it is ye +haven't been invited to join the Galactic League an' take your place +among the civilized planets." + +He hustled from the rostrum and made his way, still surrounded by +guards, to the door by which he had entered. The dog and the cat trotted +after, undismayed by the furor about them. + +They arrived about four hours later at the field on which he'd landed, +and the alien from space hurried toward his craft, still muttering. He'd +been accompanied by a general and by the President, but all the way he +had refrained from speaking. + +He scurried from the car and toward the spacecraft. + +President McCord said, "You've forgotten your pets. We would be glad if +you would accept them as--" + +The alien's face faded a light blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almost +forgotten," he said. "If I'd taken a crature from this quarantined +planet, my name'd be _nork_. Keep your dog and your kitty." He shook his +head sadly and extracted a mouse from a pocket. "An' this amazin' little +crature as well." + +They followed him to the spacecraft. Just before entering, he spotted +the bedraggled horse that had been present on his landing. + +A longing expression came over his highly colored face. "Jist one +thing," he said. "Faith now, were they pullin' my leg when they said you +were after ridin' on the back of those things?" + +The President looked at the woebegone nag. "It's a horse," he said, +surprised. "Man has been riding them for centuries." + +Dameri Tass shook his head. "Sure, an' 'twould've been my makin' if I +could've taken one back to Carthis." He entered his vessel. + +The others drew back, out of range of the expected blast, and watched, +each with his own thoughts, as the first visitor from space hurriedly +left Earth. + + + ... THE END + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January + 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Off Course, by +Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + +***** This file should be named 30035.txt or 30035.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/0/3/30035/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Off Course + +Author: Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +Illustrator: Kelly Freas + +Release Date: September 19, 2009 [EBook #30035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figc"><img src="images/001.png" width="600" height="392" alt="" title="" /></div> + +<div class="bk1"><p><big><i>Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The +first envoy from another world was about to speak—that +is, if he could forget that horse for a minute....</i></big></p></div> + +<h1><b><span class="sp1">off course</span></b></h1> + +<h2>By Mack Reynolds</h2> + +<p class="hd1">Illustrated by Kelly Freas</p> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">First on</span> the scene were Larry +Dermott and Tim Casey of the +State Highway Patrol. They assumed +they were witnessing the +crash of a new type of Air Force +plane and slipped and skidded desperately +across the field to within +thirty feet of the strange craft, only +to discover that the landing had +been made without accident.</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott shook his +head. "They're gettin' queerer looking +every year. Get a load of it—no +wheels, no propeller, no cockpit."</p> + +<p>They left the car and made their +way toward the strange egg-shaped +vessel.</p> + +<p>Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its +holster and said, "Sure, and I'm +beginning to wonder if it's one of +ours. No insignia and—"</p> + +<p>A circular door slid open at that +point and Dameri Tass stepped out, +yawning. He spotted them, smiled +and said, "Glork."</p> + +<p>They gaped at him.</p> + +<p>"Glork is right," Dermott swallowed.</p> + +<p>Tim Casey closed his mouth with +an effort. "Do you mind the color +of his face?" he blurted.</p> + +<p>"How could I help it?"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed +pink hand down his purplish countenance +and yawned again. "Gorra +manigan horp soratium," he said.</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman +Casey shot stares at each other. +"'Tis double talk he's after givin' +us," Casey said.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" +he asked.</p> + +<p>Larry Dermott pushed his cap to +the back of his head. "That doesn't +sound like any language I've even +<i>heard</i> about."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass grimaced, turned +and reentered his spacecraft to +emerge in half a minute with his +hands full of contraption. He held +a box-like arrangement under his +left arm; in his right hand were two +metal caps connected to the box +by wires.</p> + +<p>While the patrolmen watched +him, he set the box on the ground, +twirled two dials and put one of the +caps on his head. He offered the +other to Larry Dermott; his desire +was obvious.</p> + +<p>Trained to grasp a situation and +immediately respond in manner best +suited to protect the welfare of the +people of New York State, Dermott +cleared his throat and said, "Tim, +take over while I report."</p> + +<p>"Hey!" Casey protested, but his +fellow minion had left.</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," Dameri Tass told +Casey, holding out the metal cap.</p> + +<p>"Faith, an' do I look balmy?" +Casey told him. "I wouldn't be +puttin' that dingus on my head for +all the colleens in Ireland."</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," the stranger said +impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye +can't—"</p> + +<p>Dermott called from the car, +"Tim, the captain says to humor +this guy. We're to keep him here +until the officials arrive."</p> + +<p>Tim Casey closed his eyes and +groaned. "Humor him, he's after +sayin'. Orders it is." He shouted +back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's +in technicolor? Begorra, he looks +like a man from Mars."</p> + +<p>"That's what they think," Larry +yelled, "and the governor is on his +way. We're to do everything possible +short of violence to keep this +character here. Humor him, Tim!"</p> + +<p>"Mandaia," Dameri Tass +snapped, pushing the cap into +Casey's reluctant hands.</p> + +<p>Muttering his protests, Casey +lifted it gingerly and placed it on +his head. Not feeling any immediate +effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfied +ye are now, I'm supposin'."</p> + +<p>The alien stooped down and +flicked a switch on the little box. +It hummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly +shrieked and sat down on the +stubble and grass of the field. "Begorra," +he yelped, "I've been murthered!" +He tore the cap from +his head.</p> + +<p>His companion came running, +"What's the matter, Tim?" he +shouted.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass removed the metal +cap from his own head. "Sure, an' +nothin' is after bein' the matter +with him," he said. "Evidently the +bhoy has niver been a-wearin' of +a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt +him not at all."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">"You can</span> talk!" Dermott +blurted, skidding to a stop.</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' +why not? As I was after sayin', I +shared the kerit helmet with Tim +Casey."</p> + +<p>Patrolman Dermott glared at him +unbelievingly. "You learned the +language just by sticking that Rube +Goldberg deal on Tim's head?"</p> + +<p>"Sure, an' why not?"</p> + +<p>Dermott muttered, "And with it +he has to pick up the corniest +brogue west of Dublin."</p> + +<p>Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. +"I'm after resentin' that, +Larry Dermott. Sure, an' the way +we talk in Ireland is—"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing +to a bedraggled horse that had +made its way to within fifty feet of +the vessel. "Now what could that +be after bein'?"</p> + +<p>The patrolmen followed his stare. +"It's a horse. What else?"</p> + +<p>"A horse?"</p> + +<p>Larry Dermott looked again, just +to make sure. "Yeah—not much of +a horse, but a horse."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. +"And jist what is a horse, if I may +be so bold as to be askin'?"</p> + +<p>"It's an animal you ride on."</p> + +<p>The alien tore his gaze from the +animal to look his disbelief at the +other. "Are you after meanin' that +you climb upon the crature's back +and ride him? Faith now, quit your +blarney."</p> + +<p>He looked at the horse again, +then down at his equipment. "Begorra," +he muttered, "I'll share the +kerit helmet with the crature."</p> + +<p>"Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. +He was beginning to feel +like a character in a shaggy dog +story.</p> + +<p>Interest in the horse was ended +with the sudden arrival of a helicopter. +It swooped down on the +field and settled within twenty feet +of the alien craft. Almost before it +had touched, the door was flung +open and the flying windmill disgorged +two bestarred and efficient-looking +Army officers.</p> + +<p>Casey and Dermott snapped them +a salute.</p> + +<p>The senior general didn't take +his eyes from the alien and the +spacecraft as he spoke, and they +bugged quite as effectively as had +those of the patrolmen when they'd +first arrived on the scene.</p> + +<p>"I'm Major General Browning," +he rapped. "I want a police cordon +thrown up around this, er, vessel. +No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody +without my permission. As soon as +Army personnel arrives, we'll take +over completely."</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I +just got a report on the radio that +the governor is on his way, sir. How +about him?"</p> + +<p>The general muttered something +under his breath. Then, "When the +governor arrives, let me know; +otherwise, nobody gets through!"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and +what goes on?"</p> + +<p>The general's eyes bugged still +further. "<i>He talks!</i>" he accused.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He +had some kind of a machine. He +put it over Tim's head and seconds +later he could talk."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" the general snapped.</p> + +<p>Further discussion was interrupted +by the screaming arrival of +several motorcycle patrolmen followed +by three heavily laden patrol +cars. Overhead, pursuit planes +zoomed in and began darting about +nervously above the field.</p> + +<p>"Sure, and it's quite a reception +I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said. +He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' +is a chance to get some sleep. Faith, +an' I've been awake for almost a +<i>decal</i>."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Dameri Tass</span> was hurried, via +helicopter, to Washington. There +he disappeared for several days, +being held incommunicado while +White House, Pentagon, State Department +and Congress tried to +figure out just what to do with him.</p> + +<p>Never in the history of the planet +had such a furor arisen. Thus far, +no newspapermen had been allowed +within speaking distance. Administration +higher-ups were being subjected +to a volcano of editorial heat +but the longer the space alien was +discussed the more they viewed with +alarm the situation his arrival had +precipitated. There were angles that +hadn't at first been evident.</p> + +<p>Obviously he was from some civilization +far beyond that of Earth's. +That was the rub. No matter what +he said, it would shake governments, +possibly overthrow social systems, +perhaps even destroy established religious +concepts.</p> + +<p>But they couldn't keep him under +wraps indefinitely.</p> + +<p>It was the United Nations that +cracked the iron curtain. Their demands +that the alien be heard before +their body were too strong and +had too much public opinion behind +them to be ignored. The White +House yielded and the date was set +for the visitor to speak before the +Assembly.</p> + +<p>Excitement, anticipation, blanketed +the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang, +multi-millionaires in Switzerland, +fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in +the Argentine were raised to a +zenith of expectation. Panhandlers +debated the message to come with +pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued +it with their passengers; miners discussed +it deep beneath the surface; +pilots argued with their co-pilots +thousands of feet above.</p> + +<p>It was the most universally +awaited event of the ages.</p> + +<p>By the time the delegates from +every nation, tribe, religion, class, +color, and race had gathered in +New York to receive the message +from the stars, the majority of +Earth had decided that Dameri +Tass was the plenipotentiary of a +super-civilization which had been +viewing developments on this planet +with misgivings. It was thought +this other civilization had advanced +greatly beyond Earth's and that the +problems besetting us—social, economic, +scientific—had been solved +by the super-civilization. Obviously, +then, Dameri Tass had come, an +advisor from a benevolent and +friendly people, to guide the world +aright.</p> + +<p>And nine-tenths of the population +of Earth stood ready and willing +to be guided. The other tenth +liked things as they were and were +quite convinced that the space +envoy would upset their applecarts.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Viljalmar Andersen</span>, Secretary-General +of the U.N., was to +introduce the space emissary. "Can +you give me an idea at all of what +he is like?" he asked nervously.</p> + +<p>President McCord was as upset +as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. +"I know almost as little as +you do."</p> + +<p>Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But +my dear chap, you've had him for +almost two weeks. Certainly in that +time—"</p> + +<p>The President snapped back, +"You probably won't believe this, +but he's been asleep until yesterday. +When he first arrived he told us he +hadn't slept for a <i>decal</i>, whatever +that is; so we held off our discussion +with him until morning. Well—he +didn't awaken in the morning, +nor the next. Six days later, fearing +something was wrong we woke +him."</p> + +<p>"What happened?" Sir Alfred +asked.</p> + +<p>The President showed embarrassment. +"He used some rather ripe +Irish profanity on us, rolled over, +and went back to sleep."</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, +what happened yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"We actually haven't had time to +question him. Among other things, +there's been some controversy about +whose jurisdiction he comes under. +The State Department claims the +Army shouldn't—"</p> + +<p>The Secretary General sighed +deeply. "Just what <i>did</i> he do?"</p> + +<p>"The Secret Service reports he +spent the day whistling Mother Machree +and playing with his dog, cat +and mouse."</p> + +<p>"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" +blurted Sir Alfred.</p> + +<p>The President was defensive. "He +had to have some occupation, and +he seems to be particularly interested +in our animal life. He wanted +a horse but compromised for the +others. I understand he insists all +three of them come with him wherever +he goes."</p> + +<p>"I wish we knew what he was +going to say," Andersen worried.</p> + +<p>"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred.</p> + +<p>Surrounded by F.B.I. men, +Dameri Tass was ushered to the +speaker's stand. He had a kitten in +his arms; a Scotty followed him.</p> + +<p>The alien frowned worriedly. +"Sure," he said, "and what kin all +this be? Is it some ordinance I've +been after breakin'?"</p> + +<p>McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen +hastened to reassure him and +made him comfortable in a chair.</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen faced the +thousands in the audience and held +up his hands, but it was ten minutes +before he was able to quiet the +cheering, stamping delegates from +all Earth.</p> + +<p>Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall +not take your time for a lengthy +introduction of the envoy from the +stars. I will only say that, without +doubt, this is the most important +moment in the history of the human +race. We will now hear from the +first being to come to Earth from +another world."</p> + +<p>He turned and gestured to Dameri +Tass who hadn't been paying +overmuch attention to the chairman +in view of some dog and cat +hostilities that had been developing +about his feet.</p> + +<p>But now the alien's purplish face +faded to a light blue. He stood and +said hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was +that last you said?"</p> + +<p>Viljalmar Andersen repeated, +"We will now hear from the first +being ever to come to Earth from +another world."</p> + +<p>The face of the alien went a +lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't +jist be frightenin' a body, would +ye? You don't mean to tell me this +planet isn't after bein' a member of +the Galactic League?"</p> + +<p>Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic +League?"</p> + +<p>"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass +moaned. "I've gone and put me +foot in it again. I'll be after getting +<i>kert</i> for this."</p> + +<p>Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I +don't understand! Do you mean you +aren't an envoy from another +planet?"</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass held his head in his +hands and groaned. "An envoy, he's +sayin', and meself only a second-rate +collector of specimens for the Carthis +zoo."</p> + +<p>He straightened and started off +the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I +must blast off immediately."</p> + +<p>Things were moving fast for +President McCord but already an +edge of relief was manifesting itself. +Taking the initiative, he said, "Of +course, of course, if that is your +desire." He signaled to the bodyguard +who had accompanied the +alien to the assemblage.</p> + +<p>A dull roar was beginning to +emanate from the thousands gathered +in the tremendous hall, murmuring, +questioning, disbelieving.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Viljalmar Andersen</span> felt that +he must say something. He extended +a detaining hand. "Now you +are here," he said urgently, "even +though by mistake, before you go +can't you give us some brief word? +Our world is in chaos. Many of us +have lost faith. Perhaps ..."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shook off the restraining +hand. "Do I look daft? +Begorry, I should have been +a-knowin' something was queer. All +your weapons and your strange +ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised +if ye hadn't yet established +a planet-wide government. Sure, +an' I'll go still further. Ye probably +still have wars on this benighted +world. No wonder it is ye +haven't been invited to join the +Galactic League an' take your place +among the civilized planets."</p> + +<p>He hustled from the rostrum and +made his way, still surrounded by +guards, to the door by which he had +entered. The dog and the cat trotted +after, undismayed by the furor +about them.</p> + +<p>They arrived about four hours +later at the field on which he'd +landed, and the alien from space +hurried toward his craft, still muttering. +He'd been accompanied by a +general and by the President, but +all the way he had refrained from +speaking.</p> + +<p>He scurried from the car and +toward the spacecraft.</p> + +<p>President McCord said, "You've +forgotten your pets. We would be +glad if you would accept them as—"</p> + +<p>The alien's face faded a light +blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almost +forgotten," he said. "If I'd taken +a crature from this quarantined +planet, my name'd be <i>nork</i>. Keep +your dog and your kitty." He shook +his head sadly and extracted a +mouse from a pocket. "An' this +amazin' little crature as well."</p> + +<p>They followed him to the spacecraft. +Just before entering, he spotted +the bedraggled horse that had +been present on his landing.</p> + +<p>A longing expression came over +his highly colored face. "Jist one +thing," he said. "Faith now, were +they pullin' my leg when they said +you were after ridin' on the back of +those things?"</p> + +<p>The President looked at the woebegone +nag. "It's a horse," he said, +surprised. "Man has been riding +them for centuries."</p> + +<p>Dameri Tass shook his head. +"Sure, an' 'twould've been my +makin' if I could've taken one back +to Carthis." He entered his vessel.</p> + +<p>The others drew back, out of +range of the expected blast, and +watched, each with his own +thoughts, as the first visitor from +space hurriedly left Earth.</p> + +<p class="rgt"><b>... THE END</b></p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="297" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> January 1954. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Off Course, by +Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + +***** This file should be named 30035-h.htm or 30035-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/0/3/30035/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Off Course + +Author: Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +Illustrator: Kelly Freas + +Release Date: September 19, 2009 [EBook #30035] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration] + + + _Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The + first envoy from another world was about to speak--that + is, if he could forget that horse for a minute...._ + + + off course + + By Mack Reynolds + + Illustrated by Kelly Freas + + +First on the scene were Larry Dermott and Tim Casey of the State Highway +Patrol. They assumed they were witnessing the crash of a new type of Air +Force plane and slipped and skidded desperately across the field to +within thirty feet of the strange craft, only to discover that the +landing had been made without accident. + +Patrolman Dermott shook his head. "They're gettin' queerer looking every +year. Get a load of it--no wheels, no propeller, no cockpit." + +They left the car and made their way toward the strange egg-shaped +vessel. + +Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its holster and said, "Sure, and I'm +beginning to wonder if it's one of ours. No insignia and--" + +A circular door slid open at that point and Dameri Tass stepped out, +yawning. He spotted them, smiled and said, "Glork." + +They gaped at him. + +"Glork is right," Dermott swallowed. + +Tim Casey closed his mouth with an effort. "Do you mind the color of his +face?" he blurted. + +"How could I help it?" + +Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed pink hand down his purplish countenance +and yawned again. "Gorra manigan horp soratium," he said. + +Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman Casey shot stares at each other. "'Tis +double talk he's after givin' us," Casey said. + +Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" he asked. + +Larry Dermott pushed his cap to the back of his head. "That doesn't +sound like any language I've even _heard_ about." + +Dameri Tass grimaced, turned and reentered his spacecraft to emerge in +half a minute with his hands full of contraption. He held a box-like +arrangement under his left arm; in his right hand were two metal caps +connected to the box by wires. + +While the patrolmen watched him, he set the box on the ground, twirled +two dials and put one of the caps on his head. He offered the other to +Larry Dermott; his desire was obvious. + +Trained to grasp a situation and immediately respond in manner best +suited to protect the welfare of the people of New York State, Dermott +cleared his throat and said, "Tim, take over while I report." + +"Hey!" Casey protested, but his fellow minion had left. + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass told Casey, holding out the metal cap. + +"Faith, an' do I look balmy?" Casey told him. "I wouldn't be puttin' +that dingus on my head for all the colleens in Ireland." + +"Mandaia," the stranger said impatiently. + +"Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye can't--" + +Dermott called from the car, "Tim, the captain says to humor this guy. +We're to keep him here until the officials arrive." + +Tim Casey closed his eyes and groaned. "Humor him, he's after sayin'. +Orders it is." He shouted back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's in +technicolor? Begorra, he looks like a man from Mars." + +"That's what they think," Larry yelled, "and the governor is on his way. +We're to do everything possible short of violence to keep this character +here. Humor him, Tim!" + +"Mandaia," Dameri Tass snapped, pushing the cap into Casey's reluctant +hands. + +Muttering his protests, Casey lifted it gingerly and placed it on his +head. Not feeling any immediate effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfied +ye are now, I'm supposin'." + +The alien stooped down and flicked a switch on the little box. It +hummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly shrieked and sat down on the stubble +and grass of the field. "Begorra," he yelped, "I've been murthered!" He +tore the cap from his head. + +His companion came running, "What's the matter, Tim?" he shouted. + +Dameri Tass removed the metal cap from his own head. "Sure, an' nothin' +is after bein' the matter with him," he said. "Evidently the bhoy has +niver been a-wearin' of a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt him not at +all." + + * * * * * + +"You can talk!" Dermott blurted, skidding to a stop. + +Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' why not? As I was after sayin', I +shared the kerit helmet with Tim Casey." + +Patrolman Dermott glared at him unbelievingly. "You learned the language +just by sticking that Rube Goldberg deal on Tim's head?" + +"Sure, an' why not?" + +Dermott muttered, "And with it he has to pick up the corniest brogue +west of Dublin." + +Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. "I'm after resentin' that, Larry +Dermott. Sure, an' the way we talk in Ireland is--" + +Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing to a bedraggled horse that had made +its way to within fifty feet of the vessel. "Now what could that be +after bein'?" + +The patrolmen followed his stare. "It's a horse. What else?" + +"A horse?" + +Larry Dermott looked again, just to make sure. "Yeah--not much of a +horse, but a horse." + +Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. "And jist what is a horse, if I may be +so bold as to be askin'?" + +"It's an animal you ride on." + +The alien tore his gaze from the animal to look his disbelief at the +other. "Are you after meanin' that you climb upon the crature's back and +ride him? Faith now, quit your blarney." + +He looked at the horse again, then down at his equipment. "Begorra," he +muttered, "I'll share the kerit helmet with the crature." + +"Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. He was beginning to feel like a +character in a shaggy dog story. + +Interest in the horse was ended with the sudden arrival of a helicopter. +It swooped down on the field and settled within twenty feet of the alien +craft. Almost before it had touched, the door was flung open and the +flying windmill disgorged two bestarred and efficient-looking Army +officers. + +Casey and Dermott snapped them a salute. + +The senior general didn't take his eyes from the alien and the +spacecraft as he spoke, and they bugged quite as effectively as had +those of the patrolmen when they'd first arrived on the scene. + +"I'm Major General Browning," he rapped. "I want a police cordon thrown +up around this, er, vessel. No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody without my +permission. As soon as Army personnel arrives, we'll take over +completely." + +"Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I just got a report on the radio that +the governor is on his way, sir. How about him?" + +The general muttered something under his breath. Then, "When the +governor arrives, let me know; otherwise, nobody gets through!" + +Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and what goes on?" + +The general's eyes bugged still further. "_He talks!_" he accused. + +"Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He had some kind of a machine. He put it over +Tim's head and seconds later he could talk." + +"Nonsense!" the general snapped. + +Further discussion was interrupted by the screaming arrival of several +motorcycle patrolmen followed by three heavily laden patrol cars. +Overhead, pursuit planes zoomed in and began darting about nervously +above the field. + +"Sure, and it's quite a reception I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said. +He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' is a chance to get some sleep. Faith, +an' I've been awake for almost a _decal_." + + * * * * * + +Dameri Tass was hurried, via helicopter, to Washington. There he +disappeared for several days, being held incommunicado while White +House, Pentagon, State Department and Congress tried to figure out just +what to do with him. + +Never in the history of the planet had such a furor arisen. Thus far, no +newspapermen had been allowed within speaking distance. Administration +higher-ups were being subjected to a volcano of editorial heat but the +longer the space alien was discussed the more they viewed with alarm the +situation his arrival had precipitated. There were angles that hadn't at +first been evident. + +Obviously he was from some civilization far beyond that of Earth's. That +was the rub. No matter what he said, it would shake governments, +possibly overthrow social systems, perhaps even destroy established +religious concepts. + +But they couldn't keep him under wraps indefinitely. + +It was the United Nations that cracked the iron curtain. Their demands +that the alien be heard before their body were too strong and had too +much public opinion behind them to be ignored. The White House yielded +and the date was set for the visitor to speak before the Assembly. + +Excitement, anticipation, blanketed the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang, +multi-millionaires in Switzerland, fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in the +Argentine were raised to a zenith of expectation. Panhandlers debated +the message to come with pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued it with +their passengers; miners discussed it deep beneath the surface; pilots +argued with their co-pilots thousands of feet above. + +It was the most universally awaited event of the ages. + +By the time the delegates from every nation, tribe, religion, class, +color, and race had gathered in New York to receive the message from the +stars, the majority of Earth had decided that Dameri Tass was the +plenipotentiary of a super-civilization which had been viewing +developments on this planet with misgivings. It was thought this other +civilization had advanced greatly beyond Earth's and that the problems +besetting us--social, economic, scientific--had been solved by the +super-civilization. Obviously, then, Dameri Tass had come, an advisor +from a benevolent and friendly people, to guide the world aright. + +And nine-tenths of the population of Earth stood ready and willing to be +guided. The other tenth liked things as they were and were quite +convinced that the space envoy would upset their applecarts. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen, Secretary-General of the U.N., was to introduce the +space emissary. "Can you give me an idea at all of what he is like?" he +asked nervously. + +President McCord was as upset as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. "I +know almost as little as you do." + +Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But my dear chap, you've had him for +almost two weeks. Certainly in that time--" + +The President snapped back, "You probably won't believe this, but he's +been asleep until yesterday. When he first arrived he told us he hadn't +slept for a _decal_, whatever that is; so we held off our discussion +with him until morning. Well--he didn't awaken in the morning, nor the +next. Six days later, fearing something was wrong we woke him." + +"What happened?" Sir Alfred asked. + +The President showed embarrassment. "He used some rather ripe Irish +profanity on us, rolled over, and went back to sleep." + +Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, what happened yesterday?" + +"We actually haven't had time to question him. Among other things, +there's been some controversy about whose jurisdiction he comes under. +The State Department claims the Army shouldn't--" + +The Secretary General sighed deeply. "Just what _did_ he do?" + +"The Secret Service reports he spent the day whistling Mother Machree +and playing with his dog, cat and mouse." + +"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" blurted Sir Alfred. + +The President was defensive. "He had to have some occupation, and he +seems to be particularly interested in our animal life. He wanted a +horse but compromised for the others. I understand he insists all three +of them come with him wherever he goes." + +"I wish we knew what he was going to say," Andersen worried. + +"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred. + +Surrounded by F.B.I. men, Dameri Tass was ushered to the speaker's +stand. He had a kitten in his arms; a Scotty followed him. + +The alien frowned worriedly. "Sure," he said, "and what kin all this be? +Is it some ordinance I've been after breakin'?" + +McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen hastened to reassure him and made him +comfortable in a chair. + +Viljalmar Andersen faced the thousands in the audience and held up his +hands, but it was ten minutes before he was able to quiet the cheering, +stamping delegates from all Earth. + +Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall not take your time for a lengthy +introduction of the envoy from the stars. I will only say that, without +doubt, this is the most important moment in the history of the human +race. We will now hear from the first being to come to Earth from +another world." + +He turned and gestured to Dameri Tass who hadn't been paying overmuch +attention to the chairman in view of some dog and cat hostilities that +had been developing about his feet. + +But now the alien's purplish face faded to a light blue. He stood and +said hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was that last you said?" + +Viljalmar Andersen repeated, "We will now hear from the first being ever +to come to Earth from another world." + +The face of the alien went a lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't jist +be frightenin' a body, would ye? You don't mean to tell me this planet +isn't after bein' a member of the Galactic League?" + +Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic League?" + +"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass moaned. "I've gone and put me foot in it +again. I'll be after getting _kert_ for this." + +Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I don't understand! Do you mean you aren't +an envoy from another planet?" + +Dameri Tass held his head in his hands and groaned. "An envoy, he's +sayin', and meself only a second-rate collector of specimens for the +Carthis zoo." + +He straightened and started off the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I must +blast off immediately." + +Things were moving fast for President McCord but already an edge of +relief was manifesting itself. Taking the initiative, he said, "Of +course, of course, if that is your desire." He signaled to the bodyguard +who had accompanied the alien to the assemblage. + +A dull roar was beginning to emanate from the thousands gathered in the +tremendous hall, murmuring, questioning, disbelieving. + + * * * * * + +Viljalmar Andersen felt that he must say something. He extended a +detaining hand. "Now you are here," he said urgently, "even though by +mistake, before you go can't you give us some brief word? Our world is +in chaos. Many of us have lost faith. Perhaps ..." + +Dameri Tass shook off the restraining hand. "Do I look daft? Begorry, I +should have been a-knowin' something was queer. All your weapons and +your strange ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised if ye hadn't yet +established a planet-wide government. Sure, an' I'll go still further. +Ye probably still have wars on this benighted world. No wonder it is ye +haven't been invited to join the Galactic League an' take your place +among the civilized planets." + +He hustled from the rostrum and made his way, still surrounded by +guards, to the door by which he had entered. The dog and the cat trotted +after, undismayed by the furor about them. + +They arrived about four hours later at the field on which he'd landed, +and the alien from space hurried toward his craft, still muttering. He'd +been accompanied by a general and by the President, but all the way he +had refrained from speaking. + +He scurried from the car and toward the spacecraft. + +President McCord said, "You've forgotten your pets. We would be glad if +you would accept them as--" + +The alien's face faded a light blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almost +forgotten," he said. "If I'd taken a crature from this quarantined +planet, my name'd be _nork_. Keep your dog and your kitty." He shook his +head sadly and extracted a mouse from a pocket. "An' this amazin' little +crature as well." + +They followed him to the spacecraft. Just before entering, he spotted +the bedraggled horse that had been present on his landing. + +A longing expression came over his highly colored face. "Jist one +thing," he said. "Faith now, were they pullin' my leg when they said you +were after ridin' on the back of those things?" + +The President looked at the woebegone nag. "It's a horse," he said, +surprised. "Man has been riding them for centuries." + +Dameri Tass shook his head. "Sure, an' 'twould've been my makin' if I +could've taken one back to Carthis." He entered his vessel. + +The others drew back, out of range of the expected blast, and watched, +each with his own thoughts, as the first visitor from space hurriedly +left Earth. + + + ... THE END + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January + 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Off Course, by +Mack Reynolds (AKA Dallas McCord Reynolds) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OFF COURSE *** + +***** This file should be named 30035.txt or 30035.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/0/3/30035/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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