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Macleod Malloch. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; +} /* page numbers */ + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.u {text-decoration: underline;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} + +.adsmall {margin-left: 1.5em; + font-size: .9em;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +/* Footnotes */ +.footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + +.footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + +.footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + +.fnanchor { + vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: + none; +} + +/* Poetry */ + +.poetryblock {margin: auto; text-align: center; width: 26em;} + +.poem { + margin-left:10%; + margin-right:10%; + text-align: left; +} + +.poem br {display: none;} + +.poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + +.poem span.i0 { + display: block; + margin-left: 0em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.neg2 { + display: block; + margin-left: -2em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} +.poem span.i0smcap { + display: block; + margin-left: 0em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; + font-variant: small-caps; +} + +.poem span.i2 { + display: block; + margin-left: 2em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i4 { + display: block; + margin-left: 4em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + .poem span.i1 {display: block; margin-left: 1em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Law and Laughter, by +George Alexander Morton and Donald Macleod Malloch + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Law and Laughter + +Author: George Alexander Morton + Donald Macleod Malloch + +Release Date: September 16, 2009 [EBook #30003] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LAW AND LAUGHTER *** + + + + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Rose Acquavella and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + + +<h1>LAW AND LAUGHTER</h1> + +<h2>BY GEORGE A. MORTON +AND D. MACLEOD MALLOCH</h2> + +<h3>ILLUSTRATED WITH PORTRAITS OF +EMINENT MEMBERS OF BENCH & BAR<br /><br /><br /><br /></h3> + + +<p class="center">T. N. FOULIS<br /> +LONDON & EDINBURGH<br /> +1913</p> + + + +<p class="center"><i>Published October 1913</i><br /><br /><br /><br /></p> + + +<p class="center">Printed by <span class="smcap">Ballantyne, Hanson & Co.</span><br /> +at the Ballantyne Press, Edinburgh<br /><br /><br /><br /></p> + + + + +<p class="center"><a name="TO" id="TO"></a>TO<br /> +THE MEMORY OF<br /> +D. MACLEOD MALLOCH<br /><br /><br /><br /></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 316px;"> +<a name="lord_thurlow" id="lord_thurlow"></a> +<img src="images/lord_thurlow.jpg" width="316" height="390" alt="EDWARD THURLOW, BARON THURLOW. LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">EDWARD THURLOW, BARON THURLOW. LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">"As crafty lawyers to acquire applause<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Try various arts to get a double cause,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">So does an author, rummaging his brain,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">By various methods, try to entertain."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2"><span class="smcap">Pasquin</span>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="PREFACE" id="PREFACE"></a>PREFACE</h2> + + +<p>The scope of this volume is indicated by its title—a +presentation of the lighter side of law, as it is exhibited +from time to time in the witty remarks, repartees, +and <i>bon mots</i> of the Bench and Bar of Great Britain, +Ireland, and America. The idea of presenting such a +collection of legal <i>facetiæ</i> originated with the late Mr. +D. Macleod Malloch, and it is greatly to be regretted +that by his untimely death, his share of the work had +reached the stage of selecting only about one-half of +the material included in the book. His knowledge of +law, and his wide reading in legal biography, was such +as would have increased considerably the value of this +volume.</p> + +<p>In addition to sources which are acknowledged in the +text, I have to mention contributions drawn from the +following works: W. D. Adams' <i>Modern Anecdotes</i>; +W. Andrews' <i>The Lawyer in History, Literature and +Humour</i>; Croake James's <i>Curiosities of Law</i>; F. R. +O'Flanagan's <i>The Irish Bar</i>; and A. Engelbach's comprehensive +and entertaining <i>Anecdotes of the Bench +and Bar</i>. I am further indebted to Sir James Balfour +Paul, Lyon King of Arms, for permission to include +"The Circuiteer's Lament," from the privately printed +volume <i>Ballads of the Bench and Bar</i>, and to the editor +of the <i>Edinburgh Evening Dispatch</i> for a number +of the more recent anecdotes in the Scottish chapters +of the book.</p> + +<p> +GEO. A. MORTON.<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LIST_OF_CONTENTS" id="LIST_OF_CONTENTS"></a>LIST OF CONTENTS</h2> + + + + + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="8" cellspacing="0" summary="" style="font-size: larger"> +<tr><td align="right">I.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_1">The Judges of England</a></span></td><td align="right">PAGE 3</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">II.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_65">The Barristers of England</a></span></td><td align="right">67</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">III.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_105">The Judges of Ireland</a></span></td><td align="right">107</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">IV.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_125">The Barristers of Ireland</a></span></td><td align="right">127</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">V.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_151">The Judges of Scotland</a></span></td><td align="right">153</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">VI.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_197">The Advocates of Scotland</a></span></td><td align="right">199</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right">VII.</td><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#Page_221">The American Bench and Bar</a></span></td><td align="right">223</td></tr> +</table></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LIST_OF_PORTRAITS" id="LIST_OF_PORTRAITS"></a>LIST OF PORTRAITS</h2> + + + + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_thurlow">Lord Thurlow</a></span></td><td align="left"><i>Frontispiece</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>From a painting by Thomas Phillips, R.A.</i><br /> +<i>By permission of the Trustees of the National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#earl_of_rosslyn">Earl of Rosslyn</a></span></td><td align="right"><i>Page</i> 8</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#earl_of_mansfield">Earl of Mansfield</a></span></td><td align="right">16</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#earl_of_eldon">Earl of Eldon</a></span></td><td align="right">20</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_kenyon">Lord Kenyon</a></span></td><td align="right">24</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_erskine">Lord Erskine</a></span></td><td align="right">32</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_westbury">Lord Westbury</a></span></td><td align="right">36</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_brougham">Lord Brougham</a></span></td><td align="right">40</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_campbell">Lord Campbell</a></span></td><td align="right">44</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the National Portrait Gallery, and Mr. Emery Walker.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_chelmsford">Lord Chelmsford</a></span></td><td align="right">48</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#sir_alexander_cockburn">Sir Alexander Cockburn</a></span></td><td align="right">52</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of Harry A. Cockburn, Esq.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#sir_henry_hawkins">Lord Brampton (Sir Henry Hawkins)</a></span></td><td align="right">56</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#justice_darling">The Hon. Mr. Justice Darling</a></span></td><td align="right">60</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>From a photograph by C. Vandyk.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#sir_samuel_martin">Sir Samuel Martin</a></span></td><td align="right">64</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#justice_grantham">The Hon. Mr. Justice Grantham</a></span></td><td align="right">72</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>From a photograph by Elliott & Fry, Ltd.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#john_adolphus">John Adolphus</a></span></td><td align="right">76</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#samuel_warren">Samuel Warren, Q.C.</a></span></td><td align="right">80</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_romilly">Lord Romilly</a></span></td><td align="right">88</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#serjeant_talfourd">Serjeant Talfourd</a></span></td><td align="right">96</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#viscount_carleton">Viscount Carleton</a></span></td><td align="right">112</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#john_curran">John P. Curran</a></span></td><td align="right">128</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#daniel_oconnell">Daniel O'Connell</a></span></td><td align="right">144</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_newton">Lord Newton</a></span></td><td align="right">156</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_eskgrove">Lord Eskgrove</a></span></td><td align="right">160</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_kames">Lord Kames</a></span></td><td align="right">164</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_eldin">Lord Eldin</a></span></td><td align="right">168</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_cockburn">Lord Cockburn</a></span></td><td align="right">176</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_braxfield">Lord Braxfield</a></span></td><td align="right">184</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#lord_young">Lord Young</a></span></td><td align="right">192</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>From a photograph by T. & R. Annan & Sons.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#hon_henry_erskine">The Hon. Henry Erskine</a></span></td><td align="right">200</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Trustees of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#andrew_crosbie">Andrew Crosbie</a></span></td><td align="right">208</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" style="padding-left: 2em"><i>By permission of the Faculty of Advocates.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#theophilus_parsons">Theophilus Parsons</a></span></td><td align="right">224</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><span class="smcap"><a href="#rufus_choate">Rufus Choate</a></span></td><td align="right">232</td></tr> +</table></div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_ONE" id="CHAPTER_ONE"></a>CHAPTER ONE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF ENGLAND<br /></h2> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"><div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The man resolv'd and steady to his trust,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Inflexible to ill, and obstinately just,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">May the rude rabble's insolence despise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their senseless clamours, and tumultuous cries;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The tyrant's fierceness he beguiles,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the stern brow, and the harsh voice defies,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And with superior greatness smiles."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Horace</span>: <i>Odes</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The charge is prepared, the lawyers are set;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The judges are ranged, a terrible show."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Beggar's Opera.</i><br /></span> +</div></div></div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> + + + + + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>LAW AND LAUGHTER<br /> +BY GEORGE A. MORTON<br /> +AND D. MACLEOD MALLOCH<br /><br /></h2> + +<h2>CHAPTER ONE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF ENGLAND</h2> + + +<p>Mr. Justice Darling, whose witty remarks +from the Bench are so much appreciated by his +audiences in Court, and, it is rumoured, are not always +received with approval by his brother judges, says, in +his amusing book <i>Scintillæ Juris</i>:</p> + +<p>"It is a common error to suppose that our law has +no sense of humour, because for the most part the +judges who expound it have none."</p> + +<p>But law is, after all, a serious business—at any rate +for the litigants—and it would appear also for the attorneys, +for while witticisms of the Bench and Bar abound, +very few are recorded of the attorney and his +client. "Law is law" wrote the satirist who decided +not to adopt it as a profession. "Law is like a country +dance; people are led up and down in it till they are +tired. Law is like a book of surgery—there are a great +many terrible cases in it. It is also like physic—they +who take least of it are best off. Law is like a homely +gentlewoman—very well to follow. Law is like a +scolding wife—very bad when it follows us. Law is +like a new fashion—people are bewitched to get into +it. It is also like bad weather—most people are glad +when they get out of it."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> +<p>From very early times there have appeared on the +Bench expounders of the law who by the phrase "for +the most part" must be acquitted of Mr. Justice Darling's +charge of having no sense of humour; judges +who, like himself, have lightened the otherwise dreary +routine of duty by pleasantries which in no way interfered +with the course of justice. One of the earliest of +our witty judges, whose brilliant sayings have come +down to us, was Henry VIII's Lord Chancellor, Sir +Thomas More, who lost his head because he would not +acknowledge his king as head of the Church. To Sir +Thomas Manners, Earl of Rutland, who had made a +somewhat insolent remark, the Lord Chancellor quietly +replied, 'Honores mutant mores'—Honours change +manners. Sir Thomas's humour was what may be +called <i>quiet</i>, because its effect did not immediately show +itself in boisterous merriment, but would undoubtedly +remain long in the remembrance of those to whom it +was addressed. Made with as much courtesy as irony, +is it likely his keeper in the Tower would ever forget +his remark? "Assure yourself I do not dislike my +cheer; but whenever I do, then spare not to thrust me +out of your doors." Nor did his quaint humour desert +him at the scaffold: "Master Lieutenant," said he, "I pray +you see me safe up; for my coming down let me shift for +myself." Even with his head on the block he could +not resist a humorous remark, when putting aside his +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>beard he said to the executioner, "Wait, my good +friend, till I have removed my beard, for it has never +offended his highness."</p> + +<p>Another judge of the sixteenth century, Sir Nicholas +Bacon, who resembled Sir Thomas More in the +gentleness of his happiest speeches, could also on occasion +exhibit an unnecessary coarseness in his jocular +retorts. A circuit story is told of him in which a +convicted felon named Hog appealed for remission of +his sentence on the ground that he was related to his +lordship. "Nay, my friend," replied the judge, "you +and I cannot be kindred except you be hanged, for hog +is not bacon until it be well hung." This retort was +not quite so coarse as that attributed to the Scottish +judge, Lord Kames, two centuries later, who on sentencing +to death a man with whom he had often played +chess and very frequently been beaten, added after the +solemn words of doom, "And noo, Matthew, ye'll admit +that's checkmate for you."</p> + +<p>To Lord Chancellor Hatton, also an Elizabethan +judge who aimed at sprightliness on the Bench, a clever +<i>mot</i> is attributed. The case before him was one concerning +the limits of certain land. The counsel having +remarked with emphasis, 'We lie on this side, my lord,' +and the opposing counsel with equal vehemence having +interposed, 'And we lie on this side, my lord'—the +Lord Chancellor dryly observed, "If you lie on both +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>sides, whom am I to believe?" It would seem that +punning was as great a power in the Law Courts of +that time as it is at the present day. When Egerton as +Master of the Rolls was asked to commit a cause—refer +it to a Master in Chancery—he would reply, "What +has the cause done that it should be committed?"</p> + +<p>Many witticisms of Westminster Hall, attributed to +barristers of the Georgian and Victorian periods, are +traceable to a much earlier date. There is the story of +Serjeant Wilkins, whose excuse for drinking a pot of +stout at mid-day was, that he wanted to fuddle his brain +down to the intellectual standard of a British jury. +Two hundred and fifty years earlier, Sir John Millicent, +a Cambridgeshire judge, on being asked how he +got on with his brother judges replied, "Why, i' faithe, +I have no way but to drink myself down to the capacity +of the Bench." And this merry thought has also been +attributed to one eminent barrister who became Lord +Chancellor, and to more than one Scottish advocate +who ultimately attained to a seat on the Bench.</p> + +<p>And to various celebrities of the later Georgian +period has been attributed Lord Shaftesbury's reply +to Charles II. When the king exclaimed, "Shaftesbury, +you are the most profligate man in my dominions," +the Chancellor answered somewhat recklessly, +"Of a subject, sir, I believe I am."</p> + +<p>Bullying witnesses is an old practice of the Bar, but +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>for instances of it emanating from the Bench one has +to go very far back. A witness with a long beard was +giving evidence that was displeasing to Jeffreys, when +judge, who said: "If your conscience is as large as your +beard, you'll swear anything." The old man retorted: +"My lord, if your lordship measures consciences by +beards, your lordship has none at all."</p> + +<p>A somewhat similar story of Jeffreys' bullying manner, +when at the Bar, is that of his cross-examining a +witness in a leathern doublet, who had made out a +complete case against his client. Jeffreys shouted: +"You fellow in the leathern doublet, pray what have +you for swearing?" The man looked steadily at him, +and "Truly, sir," said he, "if you have no more for lying +than I have for swearing, you might wear a leathern +doublet as well as I."</p> + +<p>Instances of disrespect to the Bench are rarely met +with in early as happily in later days. There is, perhaps, +the most flagrant example of young Wedderburn +in the Scottish Court of Session, when with dramatic +effect he threw off his gown and declared he would +never enter the Court again; but he rose to be Lord +Chancellor of England. Scarcely less disrespectful +(but not said openly to the Bench) was young Edward +Hyde when hinting that the death of judges was of +small moment compared with his chances of preferment. +"Our best news," he wrote to a friend, "is that +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>we have good wine abundantly come over; our worst +that the plague is in town, <i>and no judges die</i>."</p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 295px;"> +<a name="earl_of_rosslyn" id="earl_of_rosslyn"></a> +<img src="images/earl_of_rosslyn.jpg" width="295" height="395" alt="ALEXANDER WEDDERBURN, EARL OF ROSSLYN, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">ALEXANDER WEDDERBURN, EARL OF ROSSLYN, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>In squabbles between the Bench and the Bar there +are few stories that match for personality the retort of +a counsel to Lord Fortescue. His lordship was disfigured +by a purple nose of abnormal growth. Interrupting +counsel one day with the observation: "Brother, +brother, you are handling the case in a very lame manner," +the angry counsel calmly retorted, "Pardon me, +my lord; have patience with me and I will do my best +to make the case as plain as—as—the nose on your +lordship's face." Nor did the retort of an Attorney-General +to a judge, after a warm discussion on a point +which the latter claimed to decide, show much respect +for the Bench. The judge closed the argument with +"I ruled so and so."—"<i>You</i> ruled," muttered the Attorney-General. +"<i>You</i> ruled! You were never fit to +rule anything but a copy-book."</p> + +<p>Verse has been used as a medium of much amusing +legal wit and humour, although law and law cases do +not offer very easy subjects for turning into rhyme. +But a good illustration is afforded by Mr. Justice +Powis, who had a habit of repeating the phrase, "Look, +do you see," and "I humbly conceive." At York Assize +Court on one occasion he said to Mr. Yorke, afterwards +Lord Hardwicke, "Mr. Yorke, I understand you are +going to publish a poetical version of 'Coke upon Lyt<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>telton.' +Will you favour me with a specimen?"—"Certainly, +my lord," replied the barrister, who thereupon +gravely recited:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"He that holdeth his lands in fee<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Need neither shake nor shiver,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I humbly conceive, for, look, do you see,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">They are his and his heirs for ever."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>In Sir James Burrows' reports is given a poetical +version of Chief Justice Pratt's decision with regard +to a woman of English birth who was the widow of a +foreigner.</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"A woman having a settlement,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Married a man with none,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The question was, he being dead,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">If what she had was gone.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Quoth Sir John Pratt, 'The settlement<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Suspended doth remain<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Living the husband; but him dead<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It doth revive again.'"<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="neg2">Chorus of Puisne Judges:<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Living the husband; but him dead<br /></span> +<span class="i2">It doth revive again."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +</div> +<p>The Chief Justice's decision having been reversed by +his successor, Chief Justice Ryder's decision was reported:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"A woman having a settlement<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Married a man with none;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He flies and leaves her destitute,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">What then is to be done?<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Quoth Ryder the Chief Justice,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'In spite of Sir John Pratt,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You'll send her to the parish<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In which she was a brat.'<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Suspension of a settlement</i><br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is not to be maintained.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That which she had by birth subsists<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Until another's gained."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="neg2">Chorus of Puisne Judges:<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"That which she had by birth subsists<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Until another's gained."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 316px;"> +<a name="lord_thurlow2" id="lord_thurlow2"></a> +<img src="images/lord_thurlow.jpg" width="316" height="390" alt="EDWARD THURLOW, BARON THURLOW. LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">EDWARD THURLOW, BARON THURLOW. LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Many of the well-known witticisms attributed to +great judges are so tinged with personality—even +tending to malignity—that no one possessing respect +for human nature can read them without being tempted +to regard them as mere biographical fabrications. +But such a construction cannot be put upon the stories +told of Lord Chancellor Thurlow, whose overbearing +insolence to the Bar is well known. To a few friends +like John Scott, Lord Eldon, and Lloyd Kenyon, Lord +Kenyon, he could be consistently indulgent; but to +those who provoked him by an independent and fearless +manner he was little short of a persecutor. Once +when Scott was about to follow his leader, who had +made an unusually able speech, the Chancellor addressed +him: "Mr. Scott, I am glad to find you are en<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>gaged +in the cause, for I now stand some chance of +knowing something about the matter." This same +leader of the Bar on one occasion, in the excitement of +professional altercation, made use of an undignified +expression before Lord Thurlow; but before his lordship +could take notice of it the counsel immediately +apologised, saying, "My lord, I beg your lordship's +pardon. I really forgot for the moment where I was." +A silent recognition of the apology would have made +the counsel feel his position more keenly, but the +Chancellor could not let such an opportunity pass and +immediately flashed out: "You thought you were in +your own Court, I presume," alluding to a Welsh +judgeship held by the offending counsel.</p> + +<p>As a contrast to Lord Thurlow's treatment of Scott's +leader, the following story—given in Scott's own +words—shows how the great Chancellor could unbend +himself in the company of men who were in his favour. +"After dinner, one day when nobody was present but +Lord Kenyon and myself, Lord Thurlow said, 'Taffy, +I decided a cause this morning, and I saw from Scott's +face that he doubted whether I was right.' Thurlow +then stated his view of the case, and Kenyon instantly +said, 'Your decision was quite right.' 'What say you +to that?' asked the Chancellor. I said, 'I did not presume +to form a case on which they were both agreed. +But I think a fact has not been mentioned, which may +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>be material.' I was about to state the fact, and my +reasons. Kenyon, however, broke in upon me, and +with some warmth stated that I was always so obstinate +there was no dealing with me. 'Nay,' interposed +Thurlow, 'that's not fair. You, Taffy, are obstinate, +and give no reasons. You, Jack, are obstinate too; but +then you give your reasons, and d—d bad ones they +are!'"</p> + +<p>Another anecdote again illustrates the Chancellor's +treatment of even those who were on a friendly footing +with him. Sir Thomas Davenport, a great Nisi +Prius leader, had long flattered himself with the hope +of succeeding to some valuable appointment in the law; +but several good things passing by, he lost his patience +and temper along with them. At last he addressed +this laconic application to his patron: "The Chief +Justiceship of Chester is vacant; am I to have it?" and +received the following laconic answer: "No! by G—d! +Kenyon shall have it."</p> + +<p>Scarcely less courteous was this Lord Chancellor's +treatment of a solicitor who endeavoured to prove to +him a certain person's death. To all his statements the +Chancellor replied, "Sir, that is no proof," till at last +the solicitor losing patience exclaimed: "Really, my +lord, it is very hard and it is not right that you should +not believe me. I knew the man well: I saw the man +dead in his coffin. My lord, the man was my client." +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>"Good G—d, sir! why didn't you tell me that sooner? +I should not have doubted the fact one moment; for I +think nothing can be so likely to kill a man as to have +you for his attorney."</p> + +<p>As Keeper of the Great Seal Thurlow had the +alternate presentation to a living with the Bishop +of ——. The Bishop's secretary called upon the +Lord Chancellor and said, "My Lord Bishop of —— +sends his compliments to your lordship, and believes +that the next turn to present to —— belongs to his +lordship."—"Give his lordship my compliments," replied +the Chancellor, "and tell him that I will see him +d—d first before he shall present."—"This, my lord," +retorted the secretary, "is a very unpleasant message +to deliver to a bishop." To which the Chancellor replied, +"You are right, it is so; therefore tell the Bishop +that <i>I will be</i> d—d first before he shall present."</p> + +<p>Lord Campbell in his life of Thurlow says that in +his youth the Chancellor was credited with wild excesses. +There was a story, believed at the time, of +some early amour with the daughter of a Dean of Canterbury, +to which the Duchess of Kingston alluded +when on her trial at the House of Lords. Looking Thurlow, +then Attorney-General, full in the face she said, +"That learned gentleman dwelt much on my faults, but +I too, if I chose, could tell a Canterbury tale."</p> + +<p>But with all his bitterness and sarcasm Lord Thur<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>low +had a genuine sense of humour, as the following +story of his Cambridge days illustrates—days when +he was credited with more disorderly pranks and impudent +escapades than attention to study. "Sir," observed +a tutor, "I never come to the window but I +see you idling in the Court."—"Sir," replied the future +Lord Chancellor, "I never come into the Court but I +see you idling at the window."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 292px;"> +<a name="earl_of_mansfield" id="earl_of_mansfield"></a> +<img src="images/earl_of_mansfield.jpg" width="292" height="390" alt="WILLIAM MURRAY, EARL OF MANSFIELD, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE." title="" /> +<span class="caption">WILLIAM MURRAY, EARL OF MANSFIELD, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE.</span> +</div> + +<p>Mansfield was not credited with lively sensibility, +but his humanity was shocked at the thought of killing +a man for a trifling theft. Trying a prisoner at the Old +Baily on the charge of stealing in a dwelling-house to +the value of 40<i>s.</i>—when this was a capital offence—he +advised the jury to find a gold trinket, the subject of +the indictment, to be of less value. The prosecutor exclaimed +with indignation, "Under 40<i>s.</i>, my lord! Why, +the <i>fashion</i> alone cost me more than double the sum."—"God +forbid, gentlemen, we should hang a man for +fashion's sake," observed Lord Mansfield to the jury.</p> + +<p>An indictment was tried before him at the Assizes, +preferred by parish officers for keeping an hospital for +lying-in women, whereby the parish was burdened by +illegitimate children. He expressed doubts whether +this was an indictable offence, and after hearing arguments +in support of it he thus gave his judgment. "We +sit here under a Commission requiring us to <i>deliver</i> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>this gaol, and the statute has been cited to make it unlawful +to <i>deliver</i> a woman who is with child. Let the +indictment be quashed."</p> + +<p>Having met at supper the famous Dr. Brocklesby, +he entered into familiar conversation with him, and +there was an interchange of stories just a little trenching +on the decorous. It so happened that the doctor +had to appear next morning before Lord Mansfield in +the witness-box; and on the strength of the previous +evening's doings the witness, on taking up his position, +nodded to the Chief Justice with offensive familiarity +as to a boon companion. His lordship taking no notice +of his salutation, but writing down his evidence, when +he came to summing it up to the jury thus proceeded: +"The next witness is one Rocklesby or Brocklesby, +Brocklesby or Rocklesby—I am not sure which—and +first he swears he is a physician."</p> + +<p>Lord Chief Baron Parker, in his eighty-seventh +year, having observed to Lord Mansfield who was seventy-eight: +"Your lordship and myself are now at sevens +and eights," the younger Chief Justice replied: "Would +you have us to be all our lives at sixes and sevens? +But let us talk of young ladies and not old age."</p> + +<p>Trying an action which arose from the collision of +two ships at sea, a sailor who gave an account of the +accident said, "At the time I was standing abaft the +binnacle."—"Where is abaft the binnacle?" asked +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>Lord Mansfield; upon which the witness, who had +taken a large share of grog before coming into Court, +exclaimed loud enough to be heard by all present: "A +pretty fellow to be a judge, who don't know where +abaft the binnacle is!" Lord Mansfield, instead of +threatening to commit him for contempt, said: "Well, +my friend, fit me for my office by telling me where +<i>abaft the binnacle is</i>; you have already shown me the +meaning of <i>half-seas over</i>."</p> + +<p>On one occasion Lord Mansfield covered his retreat +from an untenable position with a sparkling pleasantry. +An old witness named ELM having given his evidence +with remarkable clearness, although he was +more than eighty years of age, Lord Mansfield examined +him as to his habitual mode of living, and found +he had been through life an early riser and a singularly +temperate man. "Ay," remarked the Chief Justice, in +a tone of approval, "I have always found that without +temperance and early habits longevity is never attained." +The next witness, the elder brother of this +model of temperance, was then called, and he almost +surpassed his brother as an intelligent and clear-headed +utterer of evidence. "I suppose," observed +Lord Mansfield, "that you are an early riser?"—"No, +my lord," answered the veteran stoutly; "I like my +bed at all hours, and special-<i>lie</i> I like it of a morning."—"Ah, +but like your brother, you are a very temper<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>ate +man?" quickly asked the judge, looking out anxiously +for the safety of the more important part of his +theory. "My lord," responded this ancient Elm, disdaining +to plead guilty to a charge of habitual sobriety, +"I am a very old man, and my memory is as clear as a +bell, but I can't remember the night when I've gone to +bed without being more or less drunk."—"Ah, my +lord," Mr. Dunning exclaimed, "this old man's case +supports a theory unheld by many persons—that +habitual intemperance is favourable to longevity."—"No, +no," replied the Chief Justice with a smile; "this +old man and his brother merely teach us what every +carpenter knows—that Elm, whether it be wet or dry, +is a very tough wood."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 285px;"> +<a name="earl_of_eldon" id="earl_of_eldon"></a> +<img src="images/earl_of_eldon.jpg" width="285" height="392" alt="JOHN SCOTT, EARL OF ELDON, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN SCOTT, EARL OF ELDON, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Lord Eldon's good humour gained him the affection +of all counsel who practised before him, but there is +one story—apocryphal it may be, coming from Lord +Campbell—of a prejudice he had against Lord Brougham, +who, in Scottish cases, frequently appeared before +him in the House of Lords. Lord Eldon persisted in +addressing the advocate as Mr. Bruffam. This was too +much for Brougham, who was rather proud of the form +and antiquity of his name, and who at last, in exasperation, +sent a note to the Chancellor, intimating that his +name was pronounced "Broom." At the conclusion of +the argument the Chancellor stated, "Every authority +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>upon the question has been brought before us: new +Brooms sweep clean."</p> + +<p>As Lord Chancellor, Lord Eldon's great foible was +an apparent inability to arrive at an early decision on +any question: it was really a desire to weigh carefully +all sides of a question before expressing his opinion. +This hesitancy was expressed in the formula "I doubt," +which became the subject of frequent jests among the +members of the Bar.</p> + +<p>Sir George Rose, in absence of the regular reporter +of Lord Eldon's decisions, was requested to take a note +of any decision which should be given. As a full record +of all that was material, which had occurred during the +day, Sir George made the following entry in the reporter's +notebook:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Mr. Leach made a speech,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Angry, neat, but wrong;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Mr. Hart, on the other part,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Was heavy, dull, and long;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Mr. Parker made the case darker,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Which was dark enough without;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Mr. Cooke cited his book;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the Chancellor said—I doubt."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>This <i>jeu d'esprit</i>, flying about Westminster Hall, +reached the Chancellor, who was very much amused +with it, notwithstanding the allusion to his doubting +propensity. Soon after, Sir George Rose having to +argue before him a very untenable proposition, he gave +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>his opinion very gravely, and with infinite grace and +felicity thus concluded: "For these reasons the judgment +must be against your clients; and here, Sir +George, the Chancellor does not <i>doubt</i>."</p> + +<p>The following was Lord Eldon's answer to an application +for a piece of preferment from his old friend Dr. +Fisher, of the Charter House:</p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Fisher</span>,—I cannot, to-day, give you the +preferment for which you ask.—I remain, your sincere +friend, <span class="smcap">Eldon</span>." Then, on the other side, "I gave it +to you yesterday."</p> + +<p>According to his biographer, Lord Eldon caused a +loud laugh while the old Duke of Norfolk was fast +asleep in the House of Lords, and amusing their lordships +with "that tuneful nightingale, his nose," by announcing +from the woolsack, with solemn emphasis, +that the Commons had sent up a bill for "enclosing +and dividing Great Snoring in the county of Norfolk!"</p> + +<p>Like Lord Thurlow, Lord Eldon was in close intimacy +with George III in the days when his Majesty's +mind was supposed to be not very strong. "I took +down to Kew," relates his lordship, "some Bills for his +assent, and I placed on a paper the titles and the effect +of them. The king, being perhaps suspicious that my +coming down might be to judge of his competence for +public business, as I was reading over the titles of the +different Acts of Parliament he interrupted me and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>said: 'You are not acting correctly, you should do one +of two things; either bring me down the Acts for my +perusal, or say, as Thurlow once said to me on a like +occasion, having read several he stopped and said, "It +is all d—d nonsense trying to make you understand +them, and you had better consent to them at once."'"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>It is not often, but it sometimes happens that a judge +finds himself in conflict with members of the public +who are under no restraint of professional privilege or +etiquette. Some maintain the dignity of the Court by +fining and committing for contempt. Occasionally this +may be necessary, but it has been found that delicate +ridicule is often more effective. An attorney, pleading +his cause before Lord Ellenborough, became exasperated +because the untenable points he continually +raised were invariably overruled, and exclaimed, "My +lord, my lord, although your lordship is so great a man +now, I remember the time when I could have got your +opinion for five shillings." With an amused smile his +lordship quietly observed, "Sir, I say it was not worth +the money."</p> + +<p>The same judge used to be greatly annoyed during +the season of colds with the noise of coughing in Court. +On one occasion, when disturbances of this kind recurred +with more than usual frequency, he was seen +fidgeting about in his seat, and availing himself of a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> +slight cessation observed in his usual emphatic manner: +"Some slight interruption one <i>might</i> tolerate, but +there seems to be an <i>industry</i> of coughing."</p> + +<p>As an illustration of figurative oratory a good story +is told of a barrister pleading before Lord Ellenborough: +"My lord, I appear before you in the character +of an advocate for the City of London; my lord, the +City of London herself appears before you as a suppliant +for justice. My lord, it is written in the book of +nature."—"What book?" said Lord Ellenborough. +"The book of nature."—"Name the page," said his lordship, +holding his pen uplifted, as if to note the page +down.</p> + +<p>Moore relates the story of a noble lord in the course +of one of his speeches saying, "I ask myself so and so," +and repeating the words "I ask myself." "Yes," quietly +remarked Lord Ellenborough, "and a d—d foolish answer +you'll get."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The comparison of a father and son who have both +ascended the Bench has afforded a good story of a famous +Scottish advocate which is told later, and the following +is an equally cutting retort from the Bench to +any assumed superiority through such a connection. A +son of Lord Chief Justice Willes (who rose to the rank +of a Puisne Judge) was checked one day for wandering +from the subject. "I wish that you would remember," +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>he exclaimed, "that I am the son of a Chief Justice." +To which Justice Gould replied with great simplicity, +"Oh, we remember your father, but he was a sensible +man."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>When hanging was the sentence, on conviction, for +crimes—in these days termed offences—which are now +punished by imprisonment, some judges from meting +out the sentence of death almost indiscriminately came +to be known as "hanging judges." Justice Page was one +of them. When he was decrepit he perpetrated a joke +against himself. Coming out of the Court one day and +shuffling along the street a friend stopped him to inquire +after his health. "My dear sir," the judge replied, +"you see I keep just hanging on—hanging on."</p> + +<p>A Chief Justice of the "hanging" period, whose integrity +was not above suspicion, was sitting in Court +one day at his ease and lolling on his elbow, when a +convict from the dock hurled a stone at him which fortunately +passed over his head. "You see," said the +learned man as he smilingly received the congratulations +of those present—"you see now, if I had been +an <i>upright judge</i> I had been slain."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 292px;"> +<a name="lord_kenyon" id="lord_kenyon"></a> +<img src="images/lord_kenyon.jpg" width="292" height="390" alt="LLOYD KENYON, BARON KENYON, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE." title="" /> +<span class="caption">LLOYD KENYON, BARON KENYON, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE.</span> +</div> + +<p>Some of the stories respecting Lord Kenyon's historical +allusions and quotations are surely greatly exaggerated, +or are pure inventions. In addressing a jury +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>in a blasphemy case, he is reported to have said that +the Emperor Julian "was so celebrated for the practice +of every Christian virtue that he was called 'Julian the +Apostle'"; and to have concluded an elaborate address +in dismissing a grand jury with the following valediction: +"Having thus discharged your consciences, gentlemen, +you may return to your homes in peace, with +the delightful consciousness of having performed your +duties well, and may lay your heads on your pillows, +saying to yourselves 'Aut Cæsar, aut nullus.'" And +this was his remark on detecting the trick of an attorney +to delay a trial: "This is the last hair in the +tail of procrastination, and it must be plucked +out."</p> + +<p>Among other failings attributed to this Lord Chief +Justice was the extreme penuriousness he practised in +his domestic arrangements and his dress. His shoes +were patched to such an extent that little of their original +material could be seen, and once when trying a +case he was sitting on the bench in a way to expose +them to all in Court. It was an action for breach of contract +to deliver shoes soundly made, and to clinch a +witness for the pursuer he suddenly asked, "Were the +shoes anything like these?" pointing to his own. "No, +my lord," replied the witness, "they were a good deal +better and more genteeler."</p> + +<p>As an example of his (Lord Kenyon's) style of ad<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>dressing +a condemned prisoner we have the following. +A butler had been charged and convicted of stealing +his master's wine.</p> + +<p>"Prisoner at the bar, you stand convicted on the +most conclusive evidence of a crime of inexpressible +atrocity—a crime that defiles the sacred springs of +domestic confidence, and is calculated to strike alarm +into the breast of every Englishman who invests largely +in the choicer vintages of Southern Europe. Like +the serpent of old, you have stung the hand of your +protector. Fortunate in having a generous employer, +you might without discovery have continued to supply +your wretched wife and children with the comforts of +sufficient prosperity, and even with some of the luxuries +of affluence; but, dead to every claim of natural +affection, and blind to your own real interest, you +burst through all the restraints of religion and morality, +and have for many years been <i>feathering</i> your nest +with your master's <i>bottles</i>."</p> + +<p>Lord Kenyon was warmly attached to George III, +who had a high opinion of him; but like many of his +lordship's contemporaries, his Majesty strongly deprecated +the frequent outbursts of temper on the part +of his Chief Justice. "At a levee, soon after an extraordinary +explosion of ill-humour in the Court of King's +Bench, his Majesty said to him: 'My Lord Chief Justice, +I hear that you have lost your temper, and from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>my great regard for you, I am very glad to hear it, for +I hope you will find a better one.'"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Of Lord Chief Justice Tenterden, Lord Campbell +asserts that he once, and only once, uttered a pun. A +learned gentleman, who had lectured on the law and +was too much addicted to oratory came to argue a +special demurrer before him. "My client's opponent," +said the figurative advocate, "worked like a mole under +ground, <i>clam et secretè</i>." His figures only elicited +a grunt from the Chief Justice. "It is asserted in Aristotle's +<i>Rhetoric</i>—."—"I don't want to hear what is asserted +in Aristotle's <i>Rhetoric</i>," interposed Lord Tenterden. +The advocate shifted his ground and took up, +as he thought, a safe position. "It is laid down in the +<i>Pandects</i> of Justinian—." "Where are you got now?" +"It is a principle of the civil law—." "Oh sir," exclaimed +the judge, with a tone and voice which abundantly +justified his assertion, "we have nothing to do +with the <i>civil</i> law in this Court."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Judges sometimes stray into humour without intending +it. At an election petition trial one allegation +was, that a number of rosettes, or "marks of +distinction," had been kept in a table drawer in the +central committee-room. To meet this charge it was +thought desirable to call witnesses to swear that the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>only table in the room consisted of planks laid on +trestles. "So that the table had no proper legs," said +counsel cheerfully. "Never mind whether it had proper +legs," said one of the learned judges. "The more +important question is: Had it drawers?"</p> + +<p>And in <i>The Story of Crime</i> the author recalls an instance +of a judge unconsciously furnishing material +for laughter in Court. "At the beginning of the session +at the Old Baily a good deal of work is got through +by the judge who takes the small cases, and it may be +this fact that accounted for the confusion of thought +which he describes. One of the prisoners was charged +with stealing a camera, and after all the evidence had +been taken his lordship proceeded to sum up to the +jury. He began by correctly describing the stolen article +as a camera, but had not gone very far before the +camera had become a concertina, and by the time he +had finished the concertina had become an accordion. +And he never once saw his mistake. The usher noticed +it at the first trip, and kept repeating in a kind of +hoarse stage-whisper, 'Camera! Camera!' but his +voice did not reach the Bench, and so the complicated +article remained on record."</p> + +<p>Mr. Andrews in his book, <i>The Lawyer in History, +Literature, and Humour</i>, relates that a leader of the +Bar on rising to address the drowsy jury after a ponderous +oration by Sir Samuel Prime, said: "Gentle<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>men, +after the long speech of the learned serjeant—" +"Sir, I beg your pardon," interrupted Mr. Justice +Nares, "you might say—you might say—after the long +soliloquy, for my brother Prime has been talking an +hour to himself."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 285px;"> +<a name="lord_erskine" id="lord_erskine"></a> +<img src="images/lord_erskine.jpg" width="285" height="390" alt="THOMAS ERSKINE, BARON ERSKINE, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THOMAS ERSKINE, BARON ERSKINE, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Thomas, Lord Erskine was the youngest of three +brothers, who were all distinguished men. The eldest +was the well-known Earl of Buchan, one of the founders +of the Society of Antiquaries of Scotland, whose +eccentricities formed the subject of much gossip in the +Scottish capital. To an English nobleman he declared: +"My brothers Harry and Tom are certainly remarkable +men, but they owe everything to me." Seeing a +look of surprise upon his friend's face he added: "Yes, +it is true; they owe everything to me. On my father's +death they pressed me for an annual allowance. I +knew this would have been their ruin, by relaxing their +industry. So making a sacrifice of my inclinations to +gratify them I refused to give them a farthing, and they +have thriven ever since—<i>owing everything to me</i>."</p> + +<p>Henry, the second brother, was universally beloved +and respected, and one of the most popular advocates +at the Scottish Bar. He was twice Lord-Advocate for +Scotland—on the second occasion under the Ministry +of "All the Talents," when his younger brother was +Lord Chancellor. He was famous in the Parliament +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>House and outside of it for his witticisms, a selection +of which will be given later.</p> + +<p>Thomas, who became Lord Chancellor, obtained an +unique influence while practising at the Bar, and, like +his older brother, he was a universal favourite. "Juries +have declared," said Lord Brougham, "that they have +felt it impossible to remove their looks from him when +he had riveted, and as it were fascinated, them by his +first glance. Then hear his voice, of surpassing sweetness, +clear, flexible, strong, exquisitely fitted to strains +of serious earnestness." Yet although he did not rely +on wit, or humour, or sarcasm in addressing a jury, +he could use them to effect in cross-examination. "You +were born and bred in Manchester, I perceive," he said +to a witness. "Yes."—"I knew it," said Erskine carelessly, +"from the absurd tie of your neckcloth." The +witness' presence of mind was gone, and he was made +to unsay the greatest part of his evidence in chief. +Another witness confounding 'thick' whalebone with +'long' whalebone, and unable to distinguish the difference +after counsel's explanation, Erskine exclaimed, +"Why, man, you do not seem to know the difference +between what is <i>thick</i> or what is <i>long</i>! Now I +tell you the difference. You are <i>thick</i>-headed, and you +are not <i>long</i>-headed."</p> + +<p>Lord Erskine's addiction to punning is well known, +and many examples might be cited. An action was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>brought against a stable-keeper for not taking proper +care of a horse. "The horse," said counsel for the +plaintiff, "was turned into the stable, with nothing to +eat but musty hay. To such the horse 'demurred.'"—"He +should have 'gone to the country,'" at once retorted +Lord Erskine. For the general reader it should +be explained that "demurring" and "going to the +country" are technical terms for requiring a cause to +be decided on a question of law by the judge, or on a +question of fact by the jury. Here is another. A low-class +attorney who was much employed in bail-business +and moving attachments against the sheriff for +not "bringing in the body"—that is, not arresting and +imprisoning a debtor, when such was the law—sold +his house in Lincoln's Inn Fields to the Corporation, +of Surgeons to be used as their Hall. "I suppose it +was recommended to them," said Erskine, "from the +attorney being so well acquainted 'with the practice of +bringing in the body!'"</p> + +<p>Perhaps one of his smartest puns he relates himself. +"A case being laid before me by my veteran friend, +the Duke of Queensberry—better known as 'old Q'—as +to whether he could sue a tradesman for breach of +contract about the painting of his house; and the evidence +being totally insufficient to support the case, I +wrote thus: 'I am of opinion that this action will not lie +unless the witnesses do.'"</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> +<p>He was also fond of a practical joke. In answer to a +circular letter from Sir John Sinclair, proposing that a +testimonial should be presented to himself for his +eminent public services, Lord Erskine replied:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">My dear Sir John</span>,—I am certain there are few +in this kingdom who set a higher value on your public +services than myself; and I have the honour to subscribe"—then, +on turning over the leaf, was to be +found—"myself, your most obedient faithful servant,</p> + +<p> +"<span class="smcap">Erskine</span>."<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>"Gentlemen of the jury," were his closing words +after an impassioned address, "the reputation of a +cheesemonger in the City of London is like the bloom +upon a peach. Breathe upon it, and it is gone for +ever."</p> + +<p>Among many apocryphal stories told of expedients +by which smart counsel have gained verdicts, this one +respecting a case in which Mr. Justice Gould was the +judge and Erskine counsel for the defendant is least +likely of credit. The judge entertained a most unfavourable +opinion of the defendant's case, but being very +old was scarcely audible, and certainly unintelligible, +to the jury. While he was summing up the case, Erskine, +sitting on the King's Counsel Bench, and full in +the view of the jury, nodded assent to the various re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>marks +which fell from the judge; and the jury, imagining +that they had been directed to find for the defendant, +immediately did so.</p> + +<p>When at the Bar, Erskine was always encouraged +by the appreciation of his brother barristers. On one +occasion, when making an unusual exertion on behalf +of a client, he turned to Mr. Garrow, who was his colleague, +and not perceiving any sign of approbation on +his countenance, he whispered to him, "Who do you +think can get on with that d—d wet blanket face of +yours before him."</p> + +<p>Nor did he always exhibit graciousness to older +members. One nervous old barrister named Lamb, +who usually prefaced his pleadings with an apology, +said to Erskine one day that he felt more timid as he +grew older. "No wonder," replied Erskine, "the older +the lamb the more sheepish he grows."</p> + +<p>When he was Lord Chancellor he was invited to attend +the ministerial fish dinner at Greenwich—known +in later years as the Whitebait Dinner—he replied: +"To be sure I will attend. What would your fish dinner +be without the Great Seal?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>When a stupid jury returns an obviously wrong verdict +the judge must feel himself in an awkward position; +but in such cases—if they ever occur now—a good +precedent has been set by Mr. Justice Maule who, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>when in that predicament, addressed the prisoner in +these terms:</p> + +<p>"Prisoner, your counsel thinks you innocent, the +prosecution thinks you innocent, and I think you innocent. +But a jury of your own fellow-countrymen, in +the exercise of such common sense as they possess, +have found you guilty, and it remains that I should pass +sentence upon you. You will be imprisoned for one day, +and as that day was yesterday, you are free to go about +your business."</p> + +<p>"May God strike me dead! my lord, if I did it," excitedly +exclaimed a prisoner who had been tried before +the same justice for a serious offence, and a verdict of +"guilty" returned by the jury. The judge looked grave, +and paused an unusually long time before saying a +word. At last, amid breathless silence, he began: "As +Providence has not seen fit to interpose in your case, it +now becomes my duty to pronounce upon you the sentence +of the law," &c. When somewhat excited over a +very bad case tried before him he would delay sentence +until he felt calmer, lest his impulse or his temper +should lead him astray. On one such occasion he exclaimed, +"I can't pass sentence now. I might be too +severe. I feel as if I could give the man five-and-twenty +years' penal servitude. Bring him up to-morrow when +I feel calmer."—"Thank you, my lord," said the prisoner, +"I know you will think better of it in the morn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>ing." +Next day the man appeared in the dock for +sentence. "Prisoner," said the judge, "I was angry +yesterday, but I am calm to-day. I have spent a night +thinking of your awful deeds, and I find on inquiry +I can sentence you to penal servitude for life. I +therefore pass upon you that sentence. I have +thought better of what I was inclined to do yesterday."</p> + +<p>There are instances of brief summing up of a case +by judges, but few in the terms expressed by this worthy +judge. "If you believe the witnesses for the plaintiff, +you will find for the defendant; if you believe the +witnesses for the defendant, you will find for the plaintiff. +If, like myself, you don't believe any of them, +Heaven knows which way you will find. Consider your +verdict."</p> + +<p>To Mr. Justice Maule a witness said: "You may believe +me or not, but I have stated not a word that is +false, for I have been wedded to truth from my infancy."—"Yes, +sir," said the judge dryly; "but the question is, +<i>how long have you been a widower?</i>"</p> + +<p>In the good old days a learned counsel of ferocious +mien and loud voice, practising before him, received a +fine rebuke from the justice. No reply could be got +from an elderly lady in the box, and the counsel appealed +to the judge. "I really cannot answer," said +the trembling lady. "Why not, ma'am?" asked the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>judge. "Because, my lord, he frightens me so."—"So +he does me, ma'am," replied the judge.</p> + +<p>He was as a rule patient and forbearing, and seldom +interfered with counsel in their mode of laying cases +before a jury or the Bench, but once he was fairly provoked +to do so, by the confused blundering way in +which one of them was trying to instil a notion of what +he meant into the minds of the jury. "I am sorry to +interfere, Mr. ——," said the judge, "but do you not +think that, by introducing a little order into your narrative, +you might possibly render yourself a trifle more +intelligible? It may be my fault that I cannot follow you—I +know that my brain is getting old and dilapidated; +but I should like to stipulate for some sort of order. +There are plenty of them. There is the chronological, +the botanical, the metaphysical, the geographical—even +the alphabetical order would be better than no +order at all."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Baron Thomson, of the Court of Exchequer, was +asked how he got on in his Court with the business, +when he sat between Chief Baron Macdonald and +Baron Graham. He replied, "What between snuff-box +on one side, and chatterbox on the other, we get on +pretty well!"</p> + +<p>Sir Richard Bethel, Lord Westbury, and Lord +Campbell were on very friendly terms. An amusing +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>story is told of a meeting of the two in Westminster +Hall, when the first rumour of Lord Campbell's appointment +as Lord Chancellor was current. The day +being cold for the time of the year, Lord Campbell had +gone down to the House of Lords in a fur coat, and +Bethel, observing this, pretended not to recognise him. +Thereupon Campbell came up to him and said: "Mr. +Attorney, don't you know me?"—"I beg your pardon, +my lord," was the reply. "I mistook you for the <i>Great +Seal</i>."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 293px;"> +<a name="lord_westbury" id="lord_westbury"></a> +<img src="images/lord_westbury.jpg" width="293" height="390" alt="RICHARD BETHEL, BARON WESTBURY, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">RICHARD BETHEL, BARON WESTBURY, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Lord Cranworth, Vice-Chancellor, after hearing Sir +Richard Bethel's argument in an appeal, said he +"would turn the matter over in his mind." Sir Richard +turning to his junior with his usual bland calm utterance +said: "Take a note of that; his honour says he +will turn it over in what he is pleased to call his mind."</p> + +<p>Sir James Scarlett, Lord Abinger, had to examine +a witness whose evidence would be somewhat dangerous +unless he was thrown off his guard and "rattled." +The witness in question—an influential man, whose +vulnerable point was said to be his self-esteem—was +ushered into the box, a portly overdressed person, +beaming with self-assurance. Looking him over for a +few minutes without saying a word Sir James opened +fire: "Mr. Tompkins, I believe?"—"Yes."—"You are a +stockbroker, I believe, are you not?"—"I ham." Pausing +for a few seconds and making an attentive survey +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>of him, Sir James remarked sententiously, "And a very +fine and well-dressed ham you are, sir."</p> + +<p>In a breach of promise case Scarlett appeared for +the defendant, who was supposed to have been cajoled +into the engagement by the plaintiff's mother, a titled +lady. The mother, as a witness, completely baffled the +defendant's clever counsel when under his cross-examination; +but by one of his happiest strokes of advocacy, +Scarlett turned his failure into success. "You +saw, gentlemen of the jury, that I was but a child in +her hands. <i>What must my client have been?</i>"</p> + +<p>Sir James was a noted cross-examiner and verdict-getter, +but on one occasion he was beaten. Tom Cooke, +a well-known actor and musician in his day, was a witness +in a case in which Sir James had him under cross-examination.</p> + +<p>Scarlett: "Sir, you say that the two melodies are +the same, but different; now what do you mean by that, +sir?"</p> + +<p>Cooke: "I said that the notes in the two copies are +alike, but with a different accent."</p> + +<p>Scarlett: "What is a musical accent?"</p> + +<p>Cooke: "My terms are nine guineas a quarter, sir."</p> + +<p>Scarlett (ruffled): "Never mind your terms here. I +ask you what is a musical accent? Can you see it?"</p> + +<p>Cooke: "No."</p> + +<p>Scarlett: "Can you feel it?"</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p><p>Cooke: "A musician can."</p> + +<p>Scarlett (angrily): "Now, sir, don't beat about the +bush, but explain to his lordship and the jury, who are +expected to know nothing about music, the meaning +of what you call accent."</p> + +<p>Cooke: "Accent in music is a certain stress laid +upon a particular note, in the same manner as you +would lay stress upon a given word, for the purpose +of being better understood. For instance, if I were to +say, 'You are an <i>ass</i>,' it rests on ass, but if I were to +say, '<i>You</i> are an ass,' it rests on you, Sir James." The +judge, with as much gravity as he could assume, then +asked the crestfallen counsel, "Are you satisfied, Sir +James."—"The witness may go down," was the counsel's +reply.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Lord Justice Holt, when a young man, was very dissipated, +and belonged to a club, most of whose members +took an infamous course of life. When his lordship +was engaged at the Old Baily a man was convicted +of highway robbery, whom the judge remembered to +have been one of his early companions. Moved by curiosity, +Holt, thinking the man did not recognise him, +asked what had become of his old associates. The +culprit making a low bow, and giving a deep sigh, replied, +"Oh, my lord, they are all hanged but your lordship +and I."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> +<p>We have already given examples of personalities in +the retorts of counsel upon members of the Bench, +and if the same derogatory reflection can be traced in +the two following anecdotes of judges' retorts on counsel, +it is at least veiled in finer sarcasm. A nervous +young barrister was conducting a first case before +Vice-Chancellor Bacon, and on rising to make his +opening remarks began in a faint voice: "My lord, I +must apologise—er—I must apologise, my lord"—"Go +on, sir," said his lordship blandly; "so far the +Court is with you." The other comes from an Australian +Court. Counsel was addressing Chief Justice +Holroyd when a portion of the plaster of the Court +ceiling fell, and he stopping his speech for the moment, +incautiously advanced the suggestion, "Dry rot has +probably been the cause of that, my lord."—"I am +quite of your opinion, Mr. ——," observed his lordship.</p> + +<p>On the other hand, judges can be severely personal +at times, and Lord Justice Chitty was almost brutal in +a case where counsel had been arguing to distraction +on a bill of sale. "I will now proceed to address myself +to the furniture—an item covered by the bill," counsel +continued. "You have been doing nothing else for the +last hour," lamented the weary judge.</p> + +<p>And Mr. Justice Wills once made a rather cutting +remark to a barrister. The barrister was, in the judge's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>private opinion, simply wasting the time of the Court, +and, in the course of a long-winded speech, he dwelt +at quite unnecessary length on the appearance of certain +bags connected with the case. "They might," he +went on pompously, "they might have been full bags, +or they might have been half-filled bags, or they might +even have been empty bags, or—."—"Or perhaps," +dryly interpolated the judge, "they might have been +wind-bags!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 292px;"> +<a name="lord_brougham" id="lord_brougham"></a> +<img src="images/lord_brougham.jpg" width="292" height="390" alt="HENRY BROUGHAM, BARON BROUGHAM AND VAUX, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">HENRY BROUGHAM, BARON BROUGHAM AND VAUX, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>When Lord Brougham attained the position of Lord +Chancellor he was greatly addicted to the habit of +writing during the course of counsel's argument of the +case being heard before him. On one occasion this +practice so annoyed Sir Edward Sugden, whenever he +noticed it, that he paused in the course of his argument, +expecting his lordship to stop writing; but the Chancellor, +without even looking up, remarked, "Go on, Sir +Edward; I am listening to you."—"I observe that your +lordship is engaged in writing, and not favouring me +with your attention," replied Sir Edward. "I am signing +papers of mere form," warmly retorted the Chancellor. +"You may as well say that I am not to blow my +nose or take snuff while you speak."</p> + +<p>When counsel at the Bar, a witness named John +Labron was thus cross-examined by Brougham at +York Assizes:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> +<p>"What are you?"</p> + +<p>"I am a farmer, and malt a little."</p> + +<p>"Do you know Dick Strother?"</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Upon your oath, sir, are you not generally known +by the name of Dick Strother?"</p> + +<p>"That has nothing to do with this business."</p> + +<p>"I insist upon hearing an answer. Have you not obtained +that name?"</p> + +<p>"I am sometimes called so."</p> + +<p>"Now, Dick, as you admit you are so called, do you +know the story of the hare and the ball of wax?"</p> + +<p>"I have heard it."</p> + +<p>"Then pray have the goodness to relate it to the +judge and the jury."</p> + +<p>"I do not exactly remember it."</p> + +<p>"Then I will refresh your memory by relating it myself. +Dick Strother was a cobbler, and being in want of +a hare for a friend, he put in his pocket a ball of wax +and took a walk into the fields, where he soon espied +one. Dick then very dexterously threw the ball of wax +at her head, where it stuck, which so alarmed poor puss +that in the violence of her haste she ran in contact with +the head of another; both stuck fast together, and Dick, +lucky Dick! caught both. Dick obtained great celebrity +by telling this wondrous feat, which he always affirmed +as a truth, and from that every notorious liar in Thor<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>ner +bears the title of Dick Strother. Now, Dick—I +mean John—is not that the reason why you are called +Dick Strother?"</p> + +<p>"It may be so."</p> + +<p>"Then you may go."</p> + +<p>The same turbulent spirit (Lord Brougham) fell +foul of many other law lords. It is well known that in +a speech made at the Temple he accused Lord Campbell, +who had just published his <i>Lives of the Chancellors</i>, +of adding a new terror to death. Lord Campbell +tells an amusing story which shows that he could retort +with effect upon his noble and learned friend. He +says that he called one morning upon Brougham at his +house in Grafton Street, who "soon rushed in very +eagerly, but suddenly stopped short, exclaiming, 'Lord +bless me, is it you? They told me it was Stanley'; and +notwithstanding his accustomed frank and courteous +manner, I had some difficulty in fixing his attention. +In the evening I stepped across the House to the Opposition +Bench, where Brougham and Stanley were +sitting next each other, and, addressing the latter in +the hearing of the former, I said, 'Has our noble and +learned friend told you the disappointment he suffered +this morning? He thought he had a visit from the +Leader of the Protectionists to offer him the Great +Seal, and it turned out to be only Campbell come to +bore him about a point of Scotch law.' <i>Brougham</i>: +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>'Don't mind what Jack Campbell says; he has a prescriptive +privilege to tell lies of all Chancellors, dead +and living.'"</p> + +<p>According to the same authority, Brougham was at +one time very anxious to be made an earl, but his desire +was entirely quenched when Lord John Russell +gave an earldom to Lord Chancellor Cottenham. He +is said to have been so indignant that he either wrote +or dictated a pamphlet in which the new creation was +ridiculed, and to which was appended the significant +motto, "The offence is rank."</p> + +<p>The common feeling with regard to Sir James Scarlett's +(Lord Abinger) success in gaining verdicts led to +the composition of the following pleasantry, attributed +to Lord Campbell. "Whereas Scarlett had contrived +a machine, by using which, while he argued, he could +make the judges' heads nod with pleasure, Brougham +in course of time got hold of it; but not knowing how +to manage it when he argued, the judges, instead of +nodding, shook their heads."</p> + +<p>And it is Lord Campbell who has preserved the following +specimen of a judge's concluding remarks to a +prisoner convicted of uttering a forged one-pound note. +After having pointed out to him the enormity of the +offence, and exhorted him to prepare for another world, +added: "And I trust that through the merits and the +mediation of our Blessed Redeemer, you may there ex<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>perience +that mercy which a due regard to the <i>credit of +the paper currency</i> of the country forbids you to hope +for here."</p> + +<p>Campbell married Miss Scarlett, a daughter of Lord +Abinger, and was absent from Court when a case in +which he was to appear was called before Mr. Justice +Abbot. "I thought, Mr. Brougham," said his lordship, +"that Mr. Campbell was in this case?"—"Yes, my lord," +replied Mr. Brougham, with that sarcastic look peculiarly +his own. "He was, my lord, but I understand he is +ill."—"I am sorry to hear that, Mr. Brougham," said the +judge. "My lord," replied Mr. Brougham, "it is whispered +here that the cause of my learned friend's absence +is scarlet fever."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 297px;"> +<a name="lord_campbell" id="lord_campbell"></a> +<img src="images/lord_campbell.jpg" width="297" height="390" alt="JOHN CAMPBELL, BARON CAMPBELL, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN CAMPBELL, BARON CAMPBELL, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>In his native town of Cupar, Fife, Lord Chancellor +Campbell's abilities and position were not so much appreciated +as they were elsewhere. This was a sore +point with his father, who was parish minister, and +when the son was not selected by the town authorities +to conduct their legal business in London the +future Lord Chancellor also felt affronted. On the +publication of the <i>Lives of the Chancellors</i> some of his +townsmen wrote asking him to present a copy to the +local library of his native town, which gave Campbell +an opportunity to square accounts with them for their +past neglect of him, for he curtly replied to their re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>quest +that "they could purchase the book from any +bookseller." An old lady of the town relating some +gossip about the Campbell family said, "They meant +John for the Church, but he went to London <i>and got +on very well</i>." Such was the good lady's idea of the +relative positions of minister of a Scottish parish and +Lord Chancellor of England.</p> + +<p>The difference in the pronunciation of a word led +to an amiable contest between Lord Campbell and a +learned Q.C. In an action to recover damages to a carriage +the counsel called the vehicle a "brougham," pronouncing +both syllables of the word. Lord Campbell +pompously observed, "Broom is the usual pronunciation—a +carriage of the kind you mean is not incorrectly +called a 'Broom'—that pronunciation is open to +no grave objection, and it has the advantage of saving +the time consumed by uttering an extra syllable." +Later in the trial Lord Campbell alluding to a similar +case referred to the carriage which had been injured +as an "Omnibus."—"Pardon me, my lord," interposed +the Q.C., "a carriage of the kind to which you draw +attention is usually termed a 'bus'; that pronunciation +is open to no grave objection, and it has the great +advantage of saving the time consumed by uttering +<i>two</i> extra syllables."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 294px;"> +<a name="sir_samuel_martin" id="sir_samuel_martin"></a> +<img src="images/sir_samuel_martin.jpg" width="294" height="390" alt="SIR SAMUEL MARTIN, BARON OF EXCHEQUER." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SIR SAMUEL MARTIN, BARON OF EXCHEQUER.</span> +</div> + +<p>Mr. Martin (afterwards Baron Martin), when at the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>Bar, was addressing the Court in an insurance case, +when he was interrupted by Baron Alderson, who said, +"Mr. Martin, do you think any office would insure your +life?"—"Certainly, my lord," replied Mr. Martin, "mine +is a very good life."—"You should remember, Mr. Martin, +that yours is brief existence."</p> + +<p>This judge's reason for releasing a juryman from +duty was equally smart. The juryman in question +confessed that he was deaf in one ear. "Then leave +the box before the trial begins," observed his lordship; +"it is necessary that the jurymen should hear <i>both</i> +sides."</p> + +<p>Baron Martin was one of the good-natured judges +who from the following story seem to stretch that amiable +quality to its fullest extent. In sentencing a man +convicted of a petty theft he said: "Look, I hardly know +what to do with you, but you can take six months."—"I +can't take that, my lord," said the prisoner; "it's too +much. I can't take it; your lordship sees I did not steal +very much after all." The Baron indulged in one of his +characteristic chuckling laughs, and said: "Well that's +vera true; ye didn't steal <i>much</i>. Well then, ye can tak' +<i>four</i>. Will that do—four months?"—"No, my lord, but +I can't take that neither."—"Then take <i>three</i>."—"That's +nearer the mark, my lord," replied the prisoner, +"but I'd rather you'd make it <i>two</i>, if you'll be so kind."—"Very +well then, tak' two," said the judge; "and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>don't come again. If you do, I'll give you—well, it'll all +depend."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 292px;"> +<a name="lord_chelmsford" id="lord_chelmsford"></a> +<img src="images/lord_chelmsford.jpg" width="292" height="390" alt="FREDERICK THESIGER, BARON CHELMSFORD, LORD CHANCELLOR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">FREDERICK THESIGER, BARON CHELMSFORD, LORD CHANCELLOR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Lord Erskine's punning upon legal terms has already +been noticed, but no better quip is recorded than +that of Lord Chelmsford, when as Sir Frederick Thesiger, +and a leader at the Bar, he took exception to the +irregular examination of a witness by a learned serjeant. +"I have a right," maintained the serjeant, "to +deal with my witness as I please."—"To that I offer no +objection," retorted Sir Frederick. "You may <i>deal</i> as +you like, but you shan't <i>lead</i>."</p> + +<p>On all occasions Samuel Warren, the author of <i>Ten +Thousand a Year</i>, was given to boasting, at the Bar +mess, of his intimacy with members of the peerage. +One day he was saying that, while dining lately at the +Duke of Leeds, he was surprised at finding no fish of +any kind was served. "That is easily accounted for," +said Thesiger; "they had probably eaten it all <i>upstairs</i>."</p> + +<p>Walking down St. James's Street one day, Lord +Chelmsford was accosted by a stranger, who exclaimed, +"Mr. Birch, I believe."—"If you believe that, sir, +you'll believe anything," replied his lordship as he +passed on.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="sir_alexander_cockburn" id="sir_alexander_cockburn"></a> +<img src="images/sir_alexander_cockburn.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="SIR ALEXANDER COCKBURN, BART., LORD CHIEF JUSTICE." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SIR ALEXANDER COCKBURN, BART., LORD CHIEF JUSTICE.</span> +</div> + +<p>In the recently published <i>Cockburn Family Records</i> +the following is told of the Chief Justice's ready wit:</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> +<p>"At a certain trial an extremely pretty girl was called +as a witness. The Lord Chief Justice was very particular +about her giving her full name and address. Of +course he took note. So did the sheriff's officer! That +evening they both arrived at the young lady's door +simultaneously, whereupon Sir Alexander tapped the +officer on the shoulder, remarking, 'No, no, no, Mr. Sheriff's +Officer, judgment first, execution afterwards!"</p> + +<p>There never was a barrister whose rise at the Bar +was more rapid or remarkable than that of Sir Alexander +Cockburn, and along with him was his friend +and close associate as a brother lawyer of the Crown +and Bencher of the same Inn, Sir Richard Bethel, who +became Lord Chancellor a few years after Sir Alexander +was made Chief Justice. Sir Richard once said to +his colleague, "My dear fellow, equity will swallow up +your common law."—"I don't know about that," said +Sir Alexander, "but you'll find it rather hard of digestion."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Although the wit of Lord Justice Knight Bruce was +somewhat sarcastic it was rarely so severe as that of +Lord Westbury. There was always a tone of good +humour about it. He had indeed a kind of grave judicial +waggery, which is well exemplified in the following +judgment in a separation suit between an attorney and +his wife. "The Court has been now for several days +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>occupied in the matrimonial quarrels of a solicitor and +his wife. He was a man not unaccustomed to the ways +of the softer sex, for he already had nine children by +three successive wives. She, however—herself a widow—was +well informed of these antecedents; and it appears +did not consider them any objection to their +union; and they were married. No sooner were they +united, however, than they were unhappily disunited +by unhappy disputes as to her property. These disputes +disturbed even the period usually dedicated to +the softer delights of matrimony, and the honeymoon +was occupied by endeavours to induce her to exercise +a testamentary power of appointment in his favour. +She, however, refused, and so we find that in due +course, at the end of the month, he brought home with +some disgust his still intestate bride. The disputes +continued, until at last they exchanged the irregular +quarrels of domestic strife for the more disciplined +warfare of Lincoln's Inn and Doctors Commons."</p> + +<p>Of this judge the story is told that a Chancery counsel +in a long and dry argument quoted the legal maxim—<i>expressio +unius est exclusio alterius</i>—pronouncing +the "i" in <i>unius</i> as short as possible. This roused his +lordship from the drowsiness into which he had been +lulled. "Unyus! Mr. ——? We always pronounced +that <i>unius</i> at school."—"Oh yes, my lord," replied the +counsel; "but some of the poets use it short for the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>sake of the metre."—"You forget, Mr. ——," rejoined +the judge, "that we are prosing here."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. Justice Willes was a judge of kindly disposition, +and when he had to convey a rebuke he did so in some +delicate and refined way like this. A young barrister +feeling in a hobble, wished to get out of it by saying, +"I throw myself on your lordship's hands."—"Mr. ——, +I decline the burden," replied the learned judge.</p> + +<p>One day in judge's chambers, after being pressed by +counsel very strongly against his own views, he said +with quaint humour: "I'm one of the most obstinate +men in the world."—"God forbid that I should be +so rude as to contradict your lordship," replied the +counsel.</p> + +<p>Mr. Montague Williams in his <i>Leaves of a Life</i> relates +the following story of Mr. Justice Byles. He was +once hearing a case in which a woman was charged +with causing the death of her child by not giving it +proper food, or treating it with the necessary care. +Mr. F——, of the Western Circuit, conducted the +defence, and while addressing the jury said:</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, it appears to be impossible that the +prisoner can have committed this crime. A mother +guilty of such conduct to her own child? Why, it is +repugnant to our better feelings"; and then being carried +away by his own eloquence, he proceeded: "Gen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>tlemen, +the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, +suckle their young, and——"</p> + +<p>But at this point the learned judge interrupted him, +and said:</p> + +<p>"Mr. F——, if you establish the latter part of your +proposition, your client will be acquitted to a certainty."</p> + +<p>And to the same authority we are indebted for a +judge's gentle but sarcastic reproof of a prosing counsel. +In an action for false imprisonment, heard before +Mr. Justice Wightman, Ribton was addressing the +jury at great length, repeating himself constantly, and +never giving the slightest sign of winding up. When +he had been pounding away for several hours, the good +old judge interposed, and said: "Mr. Ribton, you've +said that before."—"Have I, my lord?" said Ribton; +"I'm very sorry. I quite forgot it."—"Don't apologise, +Mr. Ribton," was the answer. "I forgive you; for it +was a very long time ago."</p> + +<p>A very old story is told of a highwayman who sent +for a solicitor and inquired what steps were necessary +to be taken to have his trial deferred. The solicitor +answered that he would require to get a doctor's affidavit +of his illness. This was accordingly done in the +following manner: "The deponent verily believes that +if the said —— is obliged to take his trial at the ensuing +sessions, he will be in imminent danger of his +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>life."—"I verily believe so too," replied the judge, and +the trial proceeded immediately.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Some judges profess ignorance of slang terms used +in evidence, and seek explanation from counsel. Lord +Coleridge in the following story had his inquiry not +only answered but illustrated. A witness was describing +an animated conversation between the pursuer and +defendant in a case and said: "Then the defendant +turned and said, 'If 'e didn't 'owld 'is noise 'ed knock +'im off 'is peark.'"—"Peark? Mr. Shee, what is meant +by peark?" asked the Lord Chief Justice. "Oh, peark, +my lord, is any position when a man elevates himself +above his fellows—for instance, a bench, my lord."</p> + +<p>Another story illustrating this alleged ignorance of +every-day terms used by the masses comes from the +Scottish Court of Session. In this instance the explanation +was volunteered by the witness who used +the term. One of the counsel in the case was Mr. (now +Lord) Dewar, who was cross-examining the witness on +a certain incident, and drew from him the statement +that he (the witness) had just had a "nip." "A nip," +said the judge; "what is a nip?"—"Only a small Dewar, +my lord," explained the witness.</p> + +<p>Lord Russell of Killowen, himself a Lord Chief Justice, +tells some amusing stories of Lord Coleridge in +his interesting reminiscences of that great judge in the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span><i>North American Review</i>. When at the Bar he was +counsel in a remarkable case—Saurin against Starr. +The pursuer, an Irish lady, sued the Superior of a religious +order at Hull for expulsion without reasonable +cause. Mr. Coleridge cross-examined a Mrs. Kennedy, +one of the superintendents of the convent, who had +mentioned in her evidence, among other peccadilloes +of the pursuer, that she had been found in the pantry +eating strawberries, when she should have been attending +some class duties.</p> + +<p>Mr. Coleridge: "Eating strawberries, really!"</p> + +<p>Mrs. Kennedy: "Yes, sir, she was eating strawberries."</p> + +<p>Mr. Coleridge: "How shocking!"</p> + +<p>Mrs. Kennedy: "It was forbidden, sir."</p> + +<p>Mr. Coleridge: "And did you, Mrs. Kennedy, really +consider there was any great harm in that?"</p> + +<p>Mrs. Kennedy: "No, sir, not in itself, any more +than there was harm in eating an apple; but you know, +sir, the mischief that came from that."</p> + +<p>When as Lord Chief Justice, Lord Coleridge visited +the United States, he was continually pestered by interviewers, +and one of them failing to draw him, began +to disparage the old country in its physical features +and its men. Lord Coleridge bore it all in good part; +finally the interviewer said, "I am told, my lord, you +think a great deal of your great fire of London. Well, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>I guess, that the conflagration we had in the little village +of Chicago made your great fire look very small." +To which his lordship blandly responded: "Sir, I have +every reason to believe that the great fire of London +was quite as great as the people of that time desired."</p> + +<p>There are few of Lord Bowen's witticisms from the +Bench in circulation, but his after-dinner stories are +worth recording, and perhaps one of the best is that +given in <i>Anecdotes of the Bench and Bar</i>, as told by +himself in the following words: "One of the ancient +rabbinical writers was engaged in compiling a history +of the minor prophets, and in due course it became his +duty to record the history of the prophet Daniel. In +speaking of the most striking incident in the great +man's career—I refer to his critical position in the den +of lions—he made a remark which has always seemed +to me replete with judgment and observation. He said +that the prophet, notwithstanding the trying circumstances +in which he was placed, had one consolation +which has sometimes been forgotten. He had the consolation +of knowing that when the dreadful banquet +was over, at any rate it was not he who would be called +upon to return thanks."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The following story cannot be classed a witticism +from the Bench, but the judge clearly gave the opening +for the lady's smart retort.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p> +<p>Mrs. Weldon, a well-known lady litigant in the +Courts a generation ago, was on one occasion endeavouring +in the Court of Appeal to upset a judgment of +Vice-Chancellor Bacon, and one ground of complaint +was that the judge was too old to understand her case. +Thereupon Lord Esher said: "The last time you were +here you complained that your case had been tried by +my brother Bowen, and you said he was only a bit of a +boy, and could not do you justice. Now you come here +and say that my brother Bacon was too old. What age +do you want the judge to be?"—"Your age," promptly +replied Mrs. Weldon, fixing her bright eyes on the +handsome countenance of the Master of the Rolls.</p> + +<p>On Charles Phillips, who became a judge of the Insolvent +Court, noticing a witness kiss his thumb instead +of the Testament, after rebuking him said, "You +may think to <i>desave</i> God, sir, but you won't desave +me."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 289px;"> +<a name="sir_henry_hawkins" id="sir_henry_hawkins"></a> +<img src="images/sir_henry_hawkins.jpg" width="289" height="390" alt="SIR HENRY HAWKINS, LORD BRAMPTON." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SIR HENRY HAWKINS, LORD BRAMPTON.</span> +</div> + +<p>That racy and turf-attending judge, Lord Brampton, +better known as Sir Henry Hawkins, tells many good +stories of himself in his <i>Reminiscences</i>, but it is the +unconscious humorist of Marylebone Police Court who +records this <i>bon mot</i> of Sir Henry.</p> + +<p>An old woman in the witness-box had been rattling +on in the most voluble manner, until it was impossible +to make head or tail of her evidence. Mr. Justice Haw<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>kins, +thinking he would try his hand, began with a +soothing question, but the old woman would not have +it at any price. She replied testily, "It's no use you +bothering me. I have told you all I know."—"That may +be," replied his lordship, "but the question rather is, +do you know all you have told us?"</p> + +<p>When Sir Henry (then Mr.) Hawkins was prosecuting +counsel in the Tichborne trial, over which Lord +Chief Justice Cockburn presided, an amusing incident +is recorded by Mr. Plowden. The antecedents of a man +who had given sensational evidence for the claimant +were being inquired into, and in answer to Sir Henry +the witness under examination said he knew the man +to be married, but his wife passed under another name. +"What name?" asked Mr. Hawkins. "Mrs. Hawkins," +replied the witness. "What was her maiden name?" +added Mr. Hawkins. "Cockburn." Such a coincident of +names naturally caused hearty and prolonged laughter.</p> + +<p>In the course of this celebrated trial another amusing +incident occurred which Sir Henry used to tell +against himself. One morning as the claimant came +into Court, a lady dressed in deep mourning presented +Orton with a tract. After a few minutes he wrote something +on it, and had it passed on to the prosecuting +counsel. The tract was boldly headed in black type, +"Sinner—Repent," and the claimant had written upon +it, "Surely this must have been meant for Hawkins."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p> +<p>Not long after he had ascended the Bench Mr. Justice +Hawkins was hearing a case in which a man was +being tried for murder. The counsel for the prosecution +observed the prisoner say something earnestly to +the policeman seated by his side in the dock, and asked +that the constable should be made to disclose what had +passed. "Yes," said his lordship, "I think you may demand +that. Constable, inform the Court what passed +between you and the prisoner."—"I—I would rather +not, your lordship. I was—."—"Never mind what you +would rather not do. Inform the Court what the prisoner +said."—"He asked me, your lordship, who that +hoary heathen with the sheepskin was, as he had often +seen him at the race-course."—"That will do," said +his lordship. "Proceed with the case."</p> + +<p>An action for damages against a fire insurance company, +brought by some Jews, was heard before Chief +Justice Cockburn, which clearly was a fraudulent claim. +The plaintiffs claimed for loss of ready-made clothes +in the fire. Hawkins, who appeared for the defendant +company, elicited the fact that ready-made clothes +in this firm had all brass buttons as a rule; and, further, +that after sifting the debris of the fire no buttons had +been found. The trial was not concluded on that day, +but on the following morning hundreds of buttons +partially burnt were brought into Court by the Jew +plaintiffs. Cockburn was not long in appreciating this +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>mode of furnishing evidence after its necessity had +been pointed out, and he asked: "How do you account +for these buttons, Mr. Hawkins? You said none were +found."—"Up to last night none had been found," replied +Hawkins. "But," said the Chief Justice—"but +these buttons have evidently been burnt in the fire. +How do they come here?"—"<i>On their own shanks</i>," +was Hawkins' smart and ready reply. Verdict for defendants.</p> + +<p>The alibi has come in for its fair share of jests. Sir +Henry Hawkins relates in his <i>Reminiscences</i> how he +once found the following in his brief: "If the case is +called on before 3.15, the defence is left to the ingenuity +of the counsel; if after that hour, the defence is an +alibi, as by then the usual alibi witnesses will have returned +from Norwich, where they are at present professionally +engaged."</p> + +<p>Sitting as a vacation judge, Sir Walter Phillimore, +whose views on the law of divorce are well known, +protested against being called on to make absolute a +number of decrees <i>nisi</i> granted in the Divorce Division. +This fact is said to have called forth a witty pronouncement +by a late president of that Division of the Courts. +"Here is my brother Phillimore, who objects to making +decrees <i>nisi</i> absolute because he believes in the sanctity +of the marriage tie. By and by we may be having +a Unitarian appointed to the Bench, and he will refuse +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>to try Admiralty suits, as he would have to sit with +Trinity Masters."</p> + +<p>In sentencing a burglar recently, the judge referred +to him as a "professional," to which the prisoner +strongly protested from the dock. "Here," he exclaimed, +"I dunno wot you mean by callin' me a professional +burglar. I've only done it once before, an' I've been +nabbed both times." The judge, in the most suave +manner, replied, "Oh, I did not mean to say that you +had been very successful in your profession."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 294px;"> +<a name="justice_grantham" id="justice_grantham"></a> +<img src="images/justice_grantham.jpg" width="294" height="390" alt="THE HON. MR JUSTICE GRANTHAM, JUDGE OF THE KING'S BENCH DIVISION." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE HON. MR JUSTICE GRANTHAM, JUDGE OF THE KING'S BENCH DIVISION.</span> +</div> + +<p>Mr. Justice Grantham had a keen sense of humour. +On one occasion, when he was judge at the Newcastle +Assizes, he left the mansion-house where he was staying, +at night, to post his letters. As he was wearing a +cap he was not recognised by the police officer who +was on duty outside, and the constable inquired of his +lordship if "the old —— had gone to bed yet." The +judge replied that he thought not, and a short while +after he had returned to the house he raised his bedroom +window, and putting out his head called to the +constable below: "Officer, the old —— is just going to +bed now."<br /><br /></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="justice_darling" id="justice_darling"></a> +<img src="images/justice_darling.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="THE HON. MR JUSTICE DARLING, JUDGE OF THE KING'S BENCH DIVISION." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE HON. MR JUSTICE DARLING, JUDGE OF THE KING'S BENCH DIVISION.</span> +</div> + +<p>Hardly a case of any importance comes into Mr. Justice +Darling's Court without attracting a large attendance +of the public, as much from expectation of being +entertained by the repartees between Bench and Bar +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>as from interest in the proceedings before the Court. +In a recent turf libel case his lordship gave a free rein +to his proclivity to give an amusing turn to statements +of both counsel and witnesses. At one point he +intervened by remarking that other witnesses than the one +under examination had said that a horse is made fit by +running on the course before he is expected to win a +position, and added, "That is so, not only on the race-course. +You can never make a good lawyer by putting +him to read in the library." To which the defendant, +who conducted his own case, replied, "But I take it a +barrister does try."—"You have no notion how he tries +the judge," responded Mr. Justice Darling. In the same +case a question arose as to whether the stewards of +the Jockey Club had the power to check riding "short," +as it is termed, and the Justice inquired if the stewards +could say, "You must ride with a leather of a prescribed +length," and got the answer, "Yes; they could say if +you don't ride longer we won't give you a license."—"Which +means," said the judge, "if you don't ride +longer you won't ride long."</p> + +<p>"Who made the translation from the German?" +asked the same judge, regarding a document to which +counsel had referred. "God knows; I don't," was the +reply of Mr. Danckwerts. "Are you sure," responded +the Justice, "that what is not known to you is known +at all?"</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> +<p>Perhaps Mr. Justice Darling never raised heartier +laughter than in an action some years ago where the +issue was whether the plaintiff, who had been engaged +by the defendant to sing in "potted opera" at a music-hall, +was competent to fulfil his contract.</p> + +<p>"Well, he could not sing like the archangel Gabriel," +a witness had said, in reply to Mr. Duke, K. C.</p> + +<p>"I have never heard the archangel Gabriel," commented +the eminent counsel.</p> + +<p>"That, Mr. Duke, is a pleasure to come," was his +lordship's swift, if gently sarcastic, rejoinder.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>If witnesses occasionally undergo severe handling +in cross-examination by counsel, there are also occasions +when their ready reply has rather nonplussed +the judge.</p> + +<p>A case was being tried at York before Mr. Justice +Gould. When it had proceeded for upwards of two +hours the judge observed that there were only eleven +jurymen in the box, and inquired where the twelfth +man was. "Please you, my lord," said one of them, +"he has gone away about some business, but he has +left his verdict with me."</p> + +<p>"How old are you?" asked the judge of a lady witness. +"Thirty."—"Thirty!" said the judge; "I have +heard you give the same age in this Court for the last +three years."—"Yes," responded the lady; "I am not +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>one of those persons who say one thing to-day and another +to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Mr. Justice Keating one day had occasion to examine +a witness who stuttered very much in giving his +evidence. "I believe," said his lordship, "you are a very +great rogue."—"Not so great a rogue as you, my lord—t—t—t—t—take +me to be," was the reply.</p> + +<p>Judge: "Is this your signature?"</p> + +<p>Witness: "I don't know."</p> + +<p>Judge: "Look at it carefully."</p> + +<p>Witness: "I can't say for certain."</p> + +<p>Judge: "Is it anything like your writing?"</p> + +<p>Witness: "I don't think it is."</p> + +<p>Judge: "Can't you identify it?"</p> + +<p>Witness: "Not quite."</p> + +<p>Judge: "Well, let me see, just write your name here +and I will examine the two signatures."</p> + +<p>Witness: "I can't write, sir."</p> + +<p>Medical men are not as a rule the best witnesses, being +too fond of using technical words peculiar to them +in their own profession. In an action for assault tried +by a Derbyshire common jury before Mr. Justice Patteson, +a surgical witness was asked to describe the injuries +the plaintiff had received; he stated he had "ecchymosis" +of the left eye. Upon the judge inquiring +whether that did not mean what was commonly understood +by a black eye, the witness answered: "Yes."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>—"Then +why did you not say so, sir? What do the jury +know of 'ecchymosis'? They might think, as the farmer +did of the word 'felicity,' used by a clergyman in his +sermon, that it meant something in the inside of a pig."</p> + +<p>A notorious thief, being tried for his life, confessed +the robbery he was charged with. The judge thereupon +directed the jury to find him guilty upon his own confession. +The jury having consulted together brought +him in "Not guilty." The judge bade them consider +their verdict again, but still they brought in a verdict +of "Not guilty." The judge asking the reason, the foreman +replied: "There is reason enough, for we all know +him to be one of the greatest liars in the country."</p> + +<p>"Have you committed all these crimes?" asked the +judge of a hoary old sinner. "Yes, my lord, and worse." +"Worse, I should have thought it impossible. What +have you done then?"—"My lord, I allowed myself to +be caught."</p> + +<p>"I knows yer," said a prisoner to the present Lord +Chief Justice, "and many's the time I've given yer a +hand when ye've been stepping it round the track like +a greyhound. So let's down lightly, like a good cove +as yer are."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The retort of a witness to Lord Avory was too good +to be soon forgotten, and is still circulating among the +juniors of the law-courts. "Let me see," said his lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>ship, +"you have been convicted before, haven't you?"—"Yes, +sir," answered the man; "but it was due to +the incapacity of my counsel rather than to any fault +on my part."—"It always is," said Lord Avory, with a +grim smile, "and you have my sincere sympathy."—"And +I deserve it," retorted the man, "seeing that you +were my counsel on that occasion!"</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_TWO" id="CHAPTER_TWO"></a>CHAPTER TWO<br /> +THE BARRISTERS OF ENGLAND<br /><br /></h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Hark the hour of ten is sounding!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Hearts with anxious fears are bounding;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Hall of Justice crowds surrounding,<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Breathing hope and fear.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For to-day in this arena<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Summoned by a stern subpœna,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Edwin sued by Angelina<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Shortly will appear."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Sir <span class="smcap">W. S. Gilbert</span>: <i>Trial by Jury</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +<p><br /></p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"As your Solicitor, I should have no hesitation in saying: Chance +it——"</span></div> +<div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Sir <span class="smcap">W. S. Gilbert</span>: <i>The Mikado</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER TWO<br /> +THE BARRISTERS OF ENGLAND</h2> + + + + +<p>From the middle of the thirteenth +century the senior rank to which a barrister could attain +at the Bar was that of serjeant-at-law, and from +that body, which existed until 1875, the judges were +selected. If a barrister below the rank of serjeant was +invited to take a seat on the Bench he invariably conformed +to the recognised custom and "took the coif"—became +a serjeant-at-law—before he was sworn as +one of his (or her) Majesty's judges. This explains +the term "brother" applied by judges when addressing +serjeants pleading before them in Court. "Taking +the coif" had a curious origin. It was customary in +very early times for the clergy to add to their clerical +duties that of a legal practitioner, by which considerable +fees were obtained, and when the Canon law forbade +them engaging in all secular occupations the remuneration +they had obtained from the law-courts +proved too strong a temptation to evade the new law. +They continued therefore to practise in the Courts, and +to hide their clerical identity they concealed the tonsure +by covering the upper part of their heads with a +black cap or coif. When ultimately clerical barristers +were driven from the law-courts, the "coif" or black +patch on the crown of a barrister's wig became the +symbol of the rank of serjeant-at-law. That this distinguishing +mark has been, in later years, occasionally +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>misunderstood is illustrated in the story of Serjeant +Allen and Sir Henry Keating, Q.C., who were opposed +to one another in a case before the Assize Court at +Stafford. During the hearing of the case a violent altercation +had taken place between them, but when the +Court rose they left the building together, walking +amicably to their lodgings. Two men who had been in +Court and had heard their wrangle were following behind +them, when one said to the other: "If you was in +trouble, Bill, which o' them two tip-top 'uns would you +have to defend you?"—"Well, Jim," was the reply, +"I should pitch upon this 'un," pointing to the Q.C. +"Then you'd be a fool," said his companion; "the fellow +with the <i>sore head</i> is worth six of t'other 'un."</p> + +<p>There used to be a student joke against the serjeants. +"Why is a serjeant's speech like a tailor's +goose?"—"Because it is hot and heavy."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Taking silk," or becoming a K.C. and a senior at +the Bar, originated at a much later date than that of +serjeant-at-law. Lord Bacon was the first to be recognised +as Queen's Counsel, but this distinction arose +from his position as legal adviser to Queen Elizabeth, +and did not indicate the existence of a senior +body (as K.C. does now) among the barristers of that +period. The institution of the rank dates from the days +of Charles II, when Sir Francis North, Lord Guildford, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>was created King's Counsel by a writ issued under +the Great Seal. As was customary in the case of a +barrister proposing to "take the coif," so in that of +one proposing to "take silk"; he intimates to the seniors +already holding the rank that he intends to apply for +admission to the body. A story is current in the Temple +that when Mr. Justice Eve "took silk" the usual +notification of his intention was sent to the seniors, +and from one of them he received the following reply: +"My dear Eve, whether you wear silk or a fig-leaf, I +do not care.—A Dam."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Our selection of facetiæ of the English Bar, therefore, +naturally opens with stories of the serjeants-at-law, +and one of the best-known members of that body +in early days was Serjeant Hill, a celebrated lawyer, +who was also somewhat remarkable for absence of +mind, which was attributed to the earnestness with +which he devoted himself to his professional duties.</p> + +<p>On the very day when he was married, he had an +intricate case on hand, and forgot his engagement, +until reminded of his waiting bride, and that the legal +time for performing the ceremony had nearly elapsed. +He then quitted law for the church; after the ceremony, +the serjeant returned to his books and his papers, +having forgotten the <i>cause</i> he had been engaged in +during the morning, until again reminded by his clerk +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>that the assembled company impatiently awaited his +presence at dinner.</p> + +<p>Being once on Circuit, and having occasion to refer +to a law authority, he had recourse, as usual, to his bag; +but, to the astonishment of the Court, instead of a volume +of Viner's abridgment, he took out a specimen +candlestick, the property of a Birmingham traveller, +whose bag Serjeant Hill had brought into Court by +mistake.</p> + +<p>A learned serjeant kept the Court waiting one morning +for a few minutes. The business of the Court commenced +at nine. "Brother," said the judge, "you are +behind your time this morning. The Court has been +waiting for you."—"I beg your lordship's pardon," +replied the serjeant; "I am afraid I was longer than +usual in dressing."—"Oh," returned the judge, "I can +dress in five minutes at any time."—"Indeed!" said +the learned brother, a little surprised for the moment; +"but in that my dog Shock beats your lordship hollow, +for he has nothing to do but to shake his coat, and +thinks himself fit for any company."</p> + +<p>Serjeant Davy, when at the height of his professional +career, once received a large brief on which a fee of two +guineas only was marked on the back. His client asked +him if he had read the brief. Pointing with his finger +to the fee, Davy replied: "As far as that I have read, +and for the life of me I can read no further." Of the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>same eminent serjeant in his earlier years an Old +Baily story is told. Judge Gould, who presided, asked: +"Who is concerned for the prisoner?"—"I am concerned +for him, my lord," said Davy, "and very much +concerned after what I have just heard."</p> + +<p>If Serjeant Davy was concerned about his client, +Serjeant Miller had no such scruple about the man +charged with horse stealing whom he successfully defended, +although the evidence convinced the judge and +everybody in the Court that there ought to have been a +conviction. When the trial was over and the prisoner +had been acquitted, the judge said to him: "Prisoner, +luckily for you, you have been found Not Guilty by the +jury, but you know perfectly well you stole that horse. +You may as well tell the truth, as no harm can happen +to you now by a confession, for you cannot be tried +again. Now tell me, did you not steal that horse?" +"Well, my lord," replied the man, "I always thought +I did, until I heard my counsel's speech, but now I +begin to think I didn't."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In the days of "riding" and "driving circuit," and +even later, the Circuit mess was a very popular institution +with circuiteers, and was made the occasion of +much merriment. After the table had been cleared a +fictitious charge would be made against one of the barristers +present, and a mock tribunal was immediately +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>constituted before which he was arraigned and his case +duly set forth with all solemnity. The victim was invariably +fined—generally in wine, which had to be paid +at once, and consumed before the company retired to +bed. On one such occasion Serjeant Prime, who is represented +as a good-natured but rather dull man, and +as a barrister wearisome beyond comparison, was engaged +in an important case in an over-crowded courtroom. +He had been speaking for three hours, when a +boy, seated on a beam above the heads of the audience, +overcome by the heat and the serjeant's monotonous +tones, fell asleep, and, losing his balance, tumbled down +on the people below. The incident was made the subject +of a charge against the serjeant at the mess, and he +was duly sentenced to pay a fine of two dozen of wine, +which he did with the greatest good humour.</p> + +<p>Serjeant Wilkins, on one occasion, on defending a +prisoner, said: "Drink has upon some an elevating, +upon others a depressing, effect; indeed, there is a report, +as we all know, that an eminent judge, when at +the Bar, was obliged to resort to heavy drinking in the +morning, to reduce himself to the level of the judges." +Lord Denman, the judge, who had no love for Wilkins, +bridled up instantly. His voice trembled with indignation +as he uttered the words: "Where is the report, +sir? Where is it?" There was a death-like silence. +Wilkins calmly turned round to the judge and said: +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>"It was burnt, my lord, in the Temple fire." The effect +of this was considerable, and it was a long time before +order could be restored, but Lord Denman was one of +the first to acknowledge the wit of the answer.</p> + +<p>Difference of manner or temperament sometimes +gives point to the collisions which occasionally occur +in Court between rival counsel. Serjeant Wilkins, who +had an inflated style of oratory, was once opposed in +a case to Serjeant Thomas, whose manner of delivery +was lighter and more lively. On the conclusion of a +heavy bombardment of ponderous Johnsonian sentences +from the former, Thomas rose, and, with his +eyes fixed on his opponent, prefaced his address to the +jury with the words, delivered with much solemnity of +manner and intonation: "And now the hurly-burly's +done."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Dunning was defending a gentleman in an action +brought from <i>crim. con.</i> with the plaintiff's wife. The +chief witness for the plaintiff was the lady's maid, a +clever, self-composed person, who spoke confidently +as to seeing the defendant in bed with her mistress. +Dunning, on rising to cross-examine her, first made her +take off her bonnet, that they might have a good view +of her face, but this did not discompose her, as she +knew she was good-looking. He then arranged his +brief, solemnly drew up his shirt sleeves, and then be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>gan: +"Are you sure it was not your master you saw in +bed with your mistress?"—"Perfectly sure."—"What, +do you pretend to say you can be certain when the head +only appeared from the bedclothes, and that enveloped +in a nightcap?"—"Quite certain."—"You have often +found occasion, then, to see your master in his +nightcap?"—"Yes—very frequently."—"Now, young +woman, I ask you, on your solemn oath, does not your +master occasionally go to bed with you?"—"Oh, that +trial does not come on to-day, Mr. Slabberchops!" replied +the witness. A loud shout of laughter followed, +and Lord Mansfield leaned back to enjoy it, and then +gravely leaned forward and asked if Mr. Dunning had +any more questions to put to the witness. No answer +was given, and none were put. The same counsel, +when at the height of his large practice at the Bar, was +asked how he got through all his work. He replied: "I +do one-third of it; another third does itself; and I don't +do the remaining third."</p> + +<p>A witness under severe cross-examination by Serjeant +Dunning was repeatedly asked if he did not live +close to the Court. On admitting that he did, the further +question was put, "And pray, sir, for what reason did +you take up your residence in that place?"—"To avoid +the rascally impertinence of dunning," came the ready +answer.</p> + +<p>A barrister's name once gave a witness the opport<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>unity +to score in the course of a severe cross-examination. +Missing was the leader of his Circuit and was defending +his client charged with stealing a donkey. The +prosecutor had left the donkey tied up to a gate, and +when he returned it was gone. "Do you mean to say," +said counsel, "the donkey was stolen from the gate?"—"I +mean to say, sir," said the witness, giving the +judge and then the jury a sly look, at the same time +pointing to the counsel, "the ass was missing."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. Clarke, a leader of the Midland Circuit, was a +very worthy lawyer of the old school. A client long refusing +to agree to refer to arbitration a cause which +judge, jury, and counsel wished to get rid of, he at last +said to him, "You d—d infernal fool, if you do not +immediately follow his lordship's recommendation, I +shall be obliged to use strong language to you." Once, +in a council of the Benchers of Lincoln's Inn, the same +gentleman very conscientiously opposed their calling +a Jew to the Bar. Some tried to point out the hardship +to be imposed upon the young gentleman, who had +been allowed to keep his terms, and whose prospects +in life would thus be suddenly blasted. "Hardship!" +said the zealous churchman, "no hardship at all! Let +him become a Christian, and be d—d to him!"</p> + +<p>It is sometimes imagined by laymen that verdicts +may be obtained by the trickery of counsel. Doubtless +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>counsel may try to throw dust in the eyes of jurors, +but they are not very successful. Lord Campbell tells +a story of Clarke, who by such tactics brought a case +to a satisfactory compromise. The attorney, coming to +him privately, said, "Sir, don't you think we have got +very good terms? But you rather went beyond my instructions."—"You +fool!" retorted Clarke; "how do +you suppose you could have got such terms if I had +stuck to your instructions."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="john_adolphus" id="john_adolphus"></a> +<img src="images/john_adolphus.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="JOHN ADOLPHUS, BARRISTER." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN ADOLPHUS, BARRISTER.</span> +</div> + +<p>In the biography of John Adolphus, a famous criminal +lawyer, we are told that the judges of his time were +much impressed with the following table of degrees. +"The three degrees of comparison in a lawyer's progress +are: getting on; getting on-er (honour); getting +on-est (honest)." He declared the judges acknowledged +much truth in the degrees. The third degree +in Mr. Adolphus' table reminds us of the story of +the farmer who was met by the head of a firm of solicitors, +who inquired the name of a plant the farmer +was carrying. "It's a plant," replied the latter, "that +will not grow in a lawyer's garden; it is called honesty."</p> + +<p>One night, walking through St. Giles's by way of a +short cut towards home, an Irish woman came up to +Mr. Adolphus. "Why, Misther Adolphus! and who'd a' +thought of seeing you in the Holy Ground?"—"And +how came you to know who I am?" said Adolphus. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>"Lord bless and save ye, sir! not know ye? Why, I'd +know ye if ye was boiled up in a soup!"</p> + +<p>Mr. Montagu Chambers was counsel for a widow +who had been put in a lunatic asylum, and sued the +two medical men who signed the certificate of her insanity. +The plaintiff's case was to prove that she was +not addicted to drinking, and that there was no pretence +for treating hers as a case of <i>delirium tremens</i>. +Dr. Tunstal, the last of plaintiff's witnesses, described +one case in which he had cured a patient of <i>delirium +tremens</i> in a <i>single night</i>, and he added, "It was a case +of gradual drinking, <i>sipping all day</i> from morning till +night." These words were scarcely uttered when Mr. +Chambers rose in triumph, and said, "My lord, that is +<i>my case</i>."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>On the Northern Circuit a century ago, there was a +famous barrister who was familiarly known among his +brother advocates as Jack Lee. He was engaged in +examining one Mary Pritchard, of Barnsley, and began +his examination with, "Well, Mary, if I may credit +what I hear, I may venture to address you by the name +of Black Moll."—"Faith you may, mister lawyer, for I +am always called so by the blackguards." On another +occasion he was retained for the plaintiff in an action +for breach of promise of marriage. When the consultation +took place, he inquired whether the lady for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>whose injury he was to seek redress was good-looking. +"Very handsome indeed, sir," was the assurance of +her attorney. "Then, sir," replied Lee, "I beg you +will request her to be in Court, and in a place where +she can be seen." The attorney promised compliance, +and the lady, in accordance with Lee's wishes, took +her seat in a conspicuous place, where the jury could +see her. Lee, in addressing the jury, did not fail to insist +with great warmth on the "abominable cruelty" +which had been exercised towards "the highly attractive +and modest girl who trusted her cause to their +discernment"; and did not sit down until he had succeeded +in working upon their feelings with great and, +as he thought, successful effect. The counsel on the +other side, however, speedily broke the spell with +which Lee had enchanted the jury, by observing that +"his learned friend, in describing the graces and +beauty of the plaintiff, ought in common fairness not +to have concealed from the jury the fact that the lady +had a <i>wooden leg</i>!" The Court was convulsed with +laughter at this discovery, while Lee, who was ignorant +of this circumstance, looked aghast; and the jury, +ashamed of the influence that mere eloquence had had +upon them, returned a verdict for the defendant.</p> + +<p>Justice Willes, the son of Chief Justice Willes, had +an offensive habit of interrupting counsel. On one +occasion an old practitioner was so irritated by this +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>practice that he retorted sharply by saying, "Your +lordship doubtless shows greater acuteness even than +your father, the Chief Justice, for he used to understand +me <i>after I had done</i>, but your lordship understands +me even <i>before I have begun</i>."</p> + +<p>Of Whigham, a later leader on the Northern Circuit, +an amusing story used to be told. He was defending a +prisoner, and opened an alibi in his address to the jury, +undertaking to prove it by calling the person who had +been in bed with his client at the time in question, and +deprecating their evil opinion of a woman whose moral +character was clearly open to grave reproach, but who +was still entitled to be believed upon her oath. Then +he called "Jessie Crabtree." The name was, as usual, +repeated by the crier, and there came pushing his way +sturdily through the crowd a big Lancashire lad in his +rough dress, who had been the prisoner's veritable +bedfellow—Whigham's brief not having explained to +him that the Christian name of his witness was, in this +case, a male one.</p> + +<p>Colman, in his <i>Random Records</i>, tells the following +anecdote of the witty barrister, Mr. Jekyll. One day +observing a squirrel in Colman's chambers, in the +usual round cage, performing the same operation as +a man in a tread-mill, and looking at it for a minute, +exclaimed, "Oh! poor devil, he's going the Home +Circuit."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p> +<p>Jekyll was asked why he no longer spoke to a lawyer +named Peat; to which he replied, "I choose to +give up his acquaintance—I have common of turbary, +and have a right to cut <i>peat</i>!" An impromptu of his +on a learned serjeant who was holding the Court of +Common Pleas with his glittering eye, is well known:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Behold the serjeant full of fire,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Long shall his hearers rue it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His purple garments <i>came</i> from Tyre,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">His arguments <i>go to it</i>."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>Mr. H. L. Adam, in his volume <i>The Story of Crime</i>, +tells an amusing story of a prisoner whose counsel had +successfully obtained his acquittal on a charge of brutal +assault. A policeman came across a man one night +lying unconscious on the pavement, and near by him +was an ordinary "bowler" hat. That was the only clue +to the perpetrator of the deed. The police had their +suspicions of a certain individual, whom they proceeded +to interrogate. In addition to being unable to give a +satisfactory account of his movements on the night of +the assault, it was found that the "bowler" hat in question +fitted him like a glove. He was accordingly arrested +and charged with the crime, the hat being the +chief evidence against him. Counsel for the defence, +however, dwelt so impressively on the risk of accepting +such evidence that the jury brought in a verdict of +"not proven," and the prisoner was discharged. Be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>fore +leaving the dock he turned to the judge, and +pointing to the hat in Court, said, "My lord, may I 'ave +my 'at."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Some amusing scenes have occurred in suits brought +by tailors and dressmakers to recover the price of +garments for which their customers have declined to +pay on the ground of misfit. Serjeant Ballantine, in +his <i>Experiences of a Barrister</i>, relates the case of a +tailor in which the defendant was the famous Sir +Edwin Landseer. It was tried in the Exchequer Court, +before Baron Martin. "The coat was produced," says +the serjeant, "and the judge suggested that Sir Edwin +should try it on; he made a wry face, but consented, +and took off his own upper garment. He then put an +arm into one of the sleeves of that in dispute, and made +an apparently ineffectual endeavour to reach the other, +following it round amidst roars of laughter from all +parts of the Court. It was a common jury, and I was +told that there was a tailor upon it, upon which I suggested +that there was a gentleman of the same profession +as the plaintiff in Court who might assist Sir +Edwin. This was acceded to, and out hopped a little +Hebrew slop-seller from the Minories, to whom the +defendant submitted his body. With difficulty he got +into the coat, and then stood as if spitted, his back one +mass of wrinkles. The tableau was truly amusing; the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>indignant plaintiff looking at the performance with +mingled horror and disgust; Sir Edwin, as if he were +choking; whilst the juryman, with the air of a connoisseur, +was examining him and the coat with profound +gravity. At last the judge, when able to stifle his +laughter, addressing the little Hebrew, said, 'Well, +Mr. Moses, what do you say?'—'Oh,' cried he, holding +up a pair of hands not over clean, and very different +from those encased in lavender gloves which graced +the plaintiff, 'it ish poshitively shocking, my lord; I +should have been ashamed to turn out such a thing +from my establishment.' The rest of the jury accepted +his view, and Sir Edwin, apparently relieved from suffocation, +entered his own coat with a look of relief, +which again convulsed the Court, bowed, and departed."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Financial prosecutions are as a rule very dreary, +and any little joke perpetrated by counsel during the +course of them is a relief. One was being heard, in +which Mr. Muir was counsel, and to many of his statements +the junior counsel for the prosecution shook his +head vehemently, although he said nothing. This continual +dumb contradiction at length got on the customary +patience of Mr. Muir, who blurted out: "I do not +know why my friend keeps shaking his head, whether +it is that he has palsy, or that there's nothing in it!"</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p> +<p>Mr. Baldwin was the counsel employed to oppose a +person justifying bail in the Court of King's Bench. +After some common questions, a waggish counsel sitting +near suggested that the witness should be asked +as to his having been a prisoner in Gloucester gaol. +Mr. Baldwin thereon boldly asked: "When, sir, were +you last in Gloucester gaol?" The witness, a respectable +tradesman, with astonishment declared that he +never was in a gaol in his life. Mr. Baldwin being +foiled after putting the question in various ways, turned +round to his friendly prompter, and asked for what +the man had been imprisoned. He was told that it was +for suicide. Thereupon Mr. Baldwin, with great gravity +and solemnity addressed the witness: "Now, sir, I +ask you upon your oath, and remember that I shall +have your words taken down, were you not imprisoned +in Gloucester gaol for suicide?"</p> + +<p>A young lawyer who had just "taken the coif," once +said to Samuel Warren, the author of <i>Ten Thousand +a Year</i>: "Hah! Warren, I never could manage to get +quite through that novel of yours. What did you do +with Oily Gammon?"—"Oh," replied Warren, "I +made a serjeant of him, and of course he never was +heard of afterwards."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 299px;"> +<a name="samuel_warren" id="samuel_warren"></a> +<img src="images/samuel_warren.jpg" width="299" height="390" alt="SAMUEL WARREN, Q.C., MASTER IN LUNACY." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SAMUEL WARREN, Q.C., MASTER IN LUNACY.</span> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Warner Sleigh, a great thieves' counsel, was not +debarred by etiquette from taking instructions dir<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>ect +from his clients. One day, following a rap on the +door of his chambers in Middle Temple Lane, a thick-set +man, with cropped poll of unmistakably Newgate +cut, slunk into the room, when the following colloquy +took place.</p> + +<p>"Mornin', sir," said the man, touching his forelock. +"Morning," replied counsel. "What do you want?"—"Well, +sir, I'm sorry to say, sir, our little Ben, sir, +has 'ad a misfortin'; fust offence, sir, only a 'wipe'—"—"Well, +well!" interrupted counsel. "Get on."—"So, +sir, we thought as you've 'ad all the family business +we'd like you to defend 'im, sir."—"All right," said +counsel; "see my clerk—."—"Yessir," continued +the thief; "but I thought I'd like to make sure you'd +attend yourself, sir; we're anxious, 'cos it's little Ben, +our youngest kid."—"Oh! that will be all right. Give +Simmons the fee."—"Well, sir," continued the man, +shifting about uneasily, "I was going to arst you, sir, +to take a little less. You see, sir (wheedlingly), it's +little Ben—his first misfortin'."—"No, no," said the +counsel impatiently. "Clear out!"—"But, sir, you've +'ad all our business. Well, sir, if you won't, you won't, +so I'll pay you now, sir." And as he doled out the +guineas: "I may as well tell you, sir, you wouldn't 'a' +got the 'couties' if I 'adn't 'ad a little bit o' luck on +the way."</p> + +<p>The gravity of the Court of Appeal was once seri<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>ously +disturbed by Edward Bullen reading to them +the following paragraph from a pleading in an action +for seduction: "The defendant denies that he is the +father of the said twins, <i>or of either of them</i>." This he +apologetically explained was due to an accident in his +pupil-room, but everyone recognised the style of the +master-hand.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Serjeant Adams, who acted as assistant judge at +the sessions, had a very pleasant wit, and knew how +to deal with any counsel who took to "high-falutin." +On one occasion, after an altercation with the judge, +the counsel for the prisoner in his address to the jury +reminded them that "they were the great palladium of +British Liberty—that it was <i>their</i> province to deal +with the facts, the <i>judge</i> with the law—that they formed +one of the great institutions of their country, and +that they came in with William the Conqueror." +Adams at the end of his summing up said: "Gentlemen, +you will want to retire to consider your verdict, +and as it seems you came in with the Conqueror you +can now go out with the beadle."</p> + +<p>There was always a mystery how Edwin James, +who at the Bar was earning an income of at least +£10,000 a year, was continually in monetary difficulties. +Like Sir Thomas Lawrence, he must have +had some private drain on his resources which was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>never disclosed. Among others who suffered was the +landlord of his chambers, whose rent was very much +in arrear. In the end the landlord hit upon a plan to +discover which would be the best method of recovering +his rent, and one day asked James to advise him +on a legal matter in which he was interested, and +thereupon drew up a statement of his grievance against +his own tenant. The paper was duly returned to the +landlord next day with the following sentence subjoined: +"In my opinion this is a case which admits of +only one remedy—patience. Edwin James."</p> + +<p>In a case before Lord Campbell, James took a line +with a witness which his lordship considered quite inadmissible, +and stopped him. When summing up to +the jury Lord Campbell thought to soften his interruption +by saying: "You will have observed, gentlemen, +that I felt it my duty to stop Mr. Edwin James +in a certain line which he sought to adopt in the cross-examination +of one of the witnesses; but at the same +time I had no intention to cast any reflection on the +learned counsel who I am sure is known to you all as +a most able—" but before his lordship could proceed +any further James interposed, and in a contemptuous +voice exclaimed: "My lord, I have borne your lordship's +censure, spare me your lordship's praise."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. W. G. Thorpe, F.S.A., in his entertaining vol<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>ume +of <i>Middle Temple Table Talk</i>, relates a curious +story of a judge taking an extremely personal interest +in a case which was brought before him. A milk company +had sold off a lot of old stock to a cake-maker, +and the cake-maker had declined to pay because the +milk had turned out to be poisonous. As the case went +on the judge became more and more exercised. "What +do they do with this stuff?" he asked, pointing to a +mass of horrible mixture. "Oh, my lord, they make +cakes of it; it doesn't taste in the cakes."—"Where do +they sell these cakes?" was the judge's next question, +and the reply was, "They are used for certain railway +stations, school-treats, and excursions." Then the defendant +specified one of the places. "Bless me!" said +the judge, turning an olive-green, "I had some there +myself," and with a shudder he retired to his private +room, returning in a few minutes wiping his mouth.</p> + +<p>There is another story of a counsel defending a +woman on a charge of causing the death of her husband +by administering a poisoned cake to him. "I'll +eat some of the cake myself," he said in Court, and took +a bite. Just at this moment a telegram was brought to +him to say that his wife was seriously ill, and he obtained +permission to leave in order to answer the message. +He returned, finished his speech, and obtained +the acquittal of his client. It transpired afterwards +that the telegram business was arranged in order that +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>counsel could obtain an emetic after swallowing the +cake.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. Montagu Williams tells a story, in his interesting +<i>Leaves of a Life</i>, of two members of the Bar, one +of whom had made a large fortune by his practice, but +worked too hard to enjoy his gains, while the other, +who only made a decent living, liked to enjoy life. They +met on one occasion at the end of a long vacation, and +the rich man asked his less fortunate brother what he +had been doing. "I have been on the Continent," the +other replied, "and I enjoyed my holiday very much. +What have you been doing?"—"I have been working," +said the rich Q.C., "and have not been out of town; +I had lots of work to do."—"What is the use of +it?" queried the other; "you can't carry the money +with you when you die; and if you could, <i>it would +soon melt</i>."</p> + +<p>From the same work we take the following story of +Serjeant Ballantine. On one occasion he was acting in +a case with a Jewish solicitor, and it happened that +one of the hostile witnesses also belonged to the same +race. Just as the serjeant was about to examine him, +the solicitor whispered in Ballantine's ear: "Ask him +as your first question, if he isn't a Jew."—"Why, but +you're a Jew yourself," said the serjeant in some surprise. +"Never mind, never mind," replied the little +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>solicitor eagerly. "Please do—just to prejudice the +jury."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="lord_romilly" id="lord_romilly"></a> +<img src="images/lord_romilly.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="JOHN ROMILLY, BARON ROMILLY, MASTER OF THE ROLLS." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN ROMILLY, BARON ROMILLY, MASTER OF THE ROLLS.</span> +</div> + +<p>No collection of the wit and humour of the Bar +would be complete without some specimens of Sir +Frank Lockwood's racy sayings. From Mr. Augustine +Birrell's <i>Life of Lockwood</i> we quote the following:</p> + +<p>"A tale is attached to Lockwood's first brief. It was +on a petition to the Master of the Rolls for payment +out of Court of a sum of money; and Lockwood appeared +for an official liquidator of a company whose +consent had to be obtained before the Court would +part with the fund. Lockwood was instructed to consent, +and his reward was to be three guineas on the +brief and one guinea for consultation. The petition +came on in due course before Lord Romilly, and was +made plain to him by counsel for the petitioner, and +still a little plainer by counsel for the principal respondent.</p> + +<p>"Then up rose Lockwood, an imposing figure, and +indicated his appearance in the case.</p> + +<p>"'What brings <i>you</i> here?' said Lord Romilly, meaning, +I presume, 'Why need I listen to you?'</p> + +<p>"Lockwood looking puzzled, Lord Romilly added a +little testily, 'What do you come here for?'</p> + +<p>"The answer was immediate, unexpected, and, accompanied +as it was by a dramatic glance at the out<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>side +of his brief, as if to refresh his memory, triumphant, +'Three and one, my lord!'"</p> + +<p>"The following letter is to Mrs. Atkinson:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p> +<span class="smcap">1 Hare Court, Temple, E.C., London.</span> +<i>September 18, '72.</i> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">My Dear Loo</span>,—I trust it is well with yourself, +John, and the childer.... It is an off-day. We are +resting on our legal oars after a prolonged and determined +struggle yesterday. Know! that near our native +hamlet is the level of Hatfield Chase, whereon are +numerous drains. Our drain (speaking from the Corporation +of Hatfield Chase point of view) we have +stopped, for our own purposes. Consequently, the adjacent +lands have been flooded, are flooded, and will +continue to be flooded. The landed gentry wish us to +remove our dam, saying that if we don't they won't be +worth a d—n. We answer that we don't care a d—n.</p> + +<p>This interesting case has been simmering in the +law-courts since 1820. The landed gentry got a verdict +in their favour at the last Lincoln Assizes, but +find themselves little the better, as we have appealed, +and our dam still reigns triumphant. Yesterday an +application was made to the judge to order our dam to +be removed. In the absence of Mellor, I donned my +forensic armour and did battle for the Corporation. +After two hours' hard fighting, we adjourned for a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>week; in the meantime the floods may rise, and the +winds blow. The farmers yelled with rage when they +heard that the dam had got a week's respite. I rather +fancy that they will yell louder on Tuesday, as I hope +to win another bloodless victory. It is a pretty wanton +sport, the cream of the joke being that the dam is no +good to us or to anybody else, and we have no real objection +to urge against its removal, excepting that such +a measure would be informal, and contrary to the law +as laid down some hundred years ago by an old gentleman +who never heard of a steam-engine, and who +would have fainted at the sight of a telegraph post. As +we have the most money on our side, I trust we shall +win in the end. None of this useful substance, however, +comes my way, as it is Mellor's work. But I hope +to reap some advantage from it, both as to experience +and introduction. I make no apology for troubling you +with this long narration. I wish it to sink into your +mind, and into that of your good husband. Let it be a +warning to you and yours. And never by any chance +become involved in any difficulties which will bring +you into a court of law of higher jurisdiction than a +police court. An occasional 'drunk and disorderly' +will do you no harm, and only cost you 5<i>s.</i> Beyond a +little indulgence of this kind—beware! In all probability +I shall be in the North in a few weeks. Sessions +commence next month. I will write to the Mum this +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>week.—With best love to all, I am, Your affectionate +brother,</p> + +<p> +<span class="smcap">Frank Lockwood</span>."<br /> +</p></div> + +<p>"Mr. Mellor vouches for the following story, which, +as it illustrates Lockwood's humour and had gone the +round of the newspapers, I will tell. It is the ancient +custom of the new Lord Mayor of London, attended by +the Recorder and Sheriffs, to come into the law-courts +and be introduced to the Lord Chief Justice or, if he is +not there, to the senior judge to be found on the premises, +and, after a little lecture from the Bench, to return +good for evil by inviting the judges to dinner, only to +receive the somewhat chilling answer, 'Some of their +lordships will attend.' On this occasion the ceremony +was over, and the Lord Mayor and his retinue was retiring +from the Court, when his lordship's eye rested +on Lockwood, who in a new wig was one of the throng +by the door. 'Ah, my young friend!' said the Lord +Mayor in a pompous way (for in those days there was +no London County Council to teach Lord Mayors humility); +'picking up a little law, I suppose?' Lockwood +had his answer ready. With a profound bow, he replied: +'I shall be delighted to accept your lordship's +hospitality. I think I heard your lordship name seven +as the hour.' The Lord Mayor hurried out of Court, +and even the policeman (and to the police Lord Mayors +are almost divine) shook with laughter."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p> +<p>Counsel sometimes find their position so weak that +their only hope of damaging the other side lies in ridiculing +their witnesses. Serjeant Parry on one occasion +was defending a client against a claim for breach of +promise of marriage made a few hours after a chance +meeting in Regent Street. According to the lady's +story the introduction had been effected through the +gentleman offering to protect her from a dog. In course +of cross-examination Parry said: "You say you were +alarmed at two dogs fighting, madam?"—"No, no, it +was a single dog," was the reply. "What you mean, madam," +retorted Parry, "is that there was only one dog; +but whether it was a single dog or a married dog you +are not in a position to say." With this correction it need +not be wondered that the lady had little more to say.</p> + +<p>A learned counsellor in the midst of an affecting appeal +in Court on a slander case delivered himself of the +following flight of genius. "Slander, gentlemen, like a +boa constrictor of gigantic size and immeasurable proportions, +wraps the coil of its unwieldy body about +its unfortunate victim, and, heedless of the shrieks of +agony that come from the utmost depths of its victim's +soul, loud and reverberating as the night thunder that +rolls in the heavens, it finally breaks its unlucky neck +upon the iron wheel of public opinion; forcing him first +to desperation, then to madness, and finally crushing +him in the hideous jaws of mortal death."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p> +<p>Talking of his early days at the Bar, Mr. Thomas +Edward Crispe, in <i>Reminiscences of a K.C.</i>, relates how +on one occasion he was opposed by a somewhat eccentric +counsel named Wharton, known in his day as the +"Poet of Pump Court." The case was really a simple +one, but Wharton made so much of it that when the +luncheon half-hour came the judge, Mr. Justice Archibald, +with some emphasis, addressing Mr. Wharton, +said: "We will now adjourn, and, Mr. Wharton, I hope +you will take the opportunity of conferring with your +friend Mr. Crispe and settling the matter out of Court."</p> + +<p>But Wharton would not agree to this, and when at +last he had to address the jury, he, in the course of his +speech, made the following remarks, for every word +of which Mr. Crispe vouches:</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, I think it only courteous to the learned +judge to refer to the advice his lordship gave me to +settle the matter out of Court. That reminds me of a +case, tried in a country court, in an action for detention +of a donkey. The plaintiff was a costermonger and the +defendant a costermonger; they conducted the case in +person. At one o'clock the judge said: 'Now, my men, +I'm going to have my lunch, and before I come back +I hope you'll settle your dispute out of Court.' When +he returned the plaintiff came in with a black eye and +the defendant with a bleeding nose, and the defendant +said: 'Well, your honour, we've taken your honour's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>advice; Jim's given me a good hiding, and I've given +him back his donkey.'"</p> + +<p>Mr. F. E. Smith, M.P., tells a story of a County +Court case he was once engaged in, in which the +plaintiff's son, a lad of eight years, was to appear as a +witness.</p> + +<p>When the youngster entered the box he wore boots +several sizes too large, a hat that almost hid his face, +long trousers rolled up so that the baggy knees were +at his ankles, and, to complete the picture, a swallow-tail +coat that had to be held to keep it from sweeping +the floor. This ludicrous picture was too much for the +Court; but the judge, between his spasms of laughter, +managed to ask the boy his reason for appearing in +such garb.</p> + +<p>With wondering look the lad fished in an inner +pocket and hauled the summons from it, pointing out +a sentence with solemn mien as he did so: "To appear +in his father's suit" it read.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>There have been few readier men in retort than the +late Mr. Francis Oswald, the author of <i>Oswald on +Contempt of Court</i>. After a stiff breeze in a Chancery +Court, the judge snapped out, "Well, I can't teach you +manners, Mr. Oswald."—"That is so, m'lud, that is so," +replied the imperturbable one. On another occasion, +an irascible judge observed, "If you say another word, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>Mr. Oswald, I'll commit you."—"That raises another +point—as to your lordship's power to commit counsel +engaged in arguing before you," was the cool answer.</p> + +<p>The author of <i>Pie Powder</i> in his entertaining volume, +tells us that he was once dining with a barrister who +had just taken silk. In the course of after-dinner talk, +the new K.C. invited his friend to tell him what he +considered was his (the K.C.'s) chief fault in style. After +some considerable hesitation his friend admitted that +he thought the K.C. erred occasionally in being too +long. This apparently somewhat annoyed the K.C., +and his friend feeling he had perhaps spoken too freely, +thought he would smooth matters by inviting similar +criticism of himself from the K.C., who at once replied, +"My dear boy, I don't think really you have any fault. +<i>Except, you know, you are so d—d offensive.</i>"</p> + +<p>A judge and a facetious lawyer conversing on the +subject of the transmigration of souls, the judge said, +"If you and I were turned into a horse and an ass, +which of them would you prefer to be?"—"The ass, to +be sure," replied the lawyer.—"Why?"—"Because," +replied the lawyer, "I have heard of an ass being a +judge, but of a horse, never."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 289px;"> +<a name="serjeant_talfourd" id="serjeant_talfourd"></a> +<img src="images/serjeant_talfourd.jpg" width="289" height="390" alt="SERJEANT TALFOURD." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SERJEANT TALFOURD.</span> +</div> + +<p>In some cases counsel receive answers to questions +which they had no business to put, and these, if not +quite to their liking, are what they justly deserve. The +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>following story of George Clarke, a celebrated negro +minstrel, is a case in point. On one occasion, when +being examined as a witness, he was severely interrogated +by a lawyer. "You are in the minstrel business, +I believe?" inquired the lawyer. "Yes, sir," was the +reply. "Is not that rather a low calling?"—"I don't +know but what it is, sir," replied the minstrel; "but it +is so much better than my father's that I am rather +proud of it." The lawyer fell into the trap. "What +was your father's calling?" he inquired. "He was a +lawyer," replied Clarke, in a tone that sent the whole +Court into a roar of laughter as the discomfited lawyer +sat down.</p> + +<p>At the Durham Assizes an action was tried which +turned out to have been brought by one neighbour +against another for a trifling matter. The plaintiff was +a deaf old lady, and after a pause the judge suggested +that the counsel should get his client to compromise +it, and to ask her what she would take to settle it. Very +loudly counsel shouted out to his client: "His lordship +wants to know what you will take?" She at once +replied: "I thank his lordship kindly, and if it's no ill +convenience to him, I'll take a little <i>warm ale</i>."</p> + +<p>A tailor sent his bill to a lawyer, and a message to +ask for payment. The lawyer bid the messenger tell his +master that he was not running away, and was very +busy at the time. The messenger returned and said +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>he must have the money. The lawyer testily answered, +"Did you tell your master that I was not running +away?"—"Yes, I did, sir; but he bade me tell you that +<i>he was</i>."</p> + +<p>A well-known barrister at the criminal Bar, who +prided himself upon his skill in cross-examining a witness, +had an odd-looking witness upon whom to operate. +"You say, sir, that the prisoner is a thief?"—"Yes, +sir—'cause why, she confessed it."—"And you also +swear she did some repairs for you subsequent to the +confession?"—"I do, sir."—"Then," giving a knowing +look at the Court, "we are to understand that you employ +dishonest people to work for you, even after their +rascalities are known?"—"Of course! How else could +I get assistance from a lawyer?"—"Stand down!" +shouted the man of law.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>At Worcester Assizes, a cause was tried as to the +soundness of a horse, and a clergyman had been a witness, +who gave a very confused account of the transaction, +and the matters he spoke to. A blustering +counsel on the other side, after many attempts to get +at the facts, said: "Pray, sir, do you know the difference +between a horse and a cow?"—"I acknowledge +my ignorance," replied the clergyman. "I hardly know +the difference between a horse and a cow, or between a +bully and a bull. Only a bull, I am told, has horns, and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>a bully," bowing respectfully to the counsel, "<i>luckily +for me, has none</i>."</p> + +<p>"In Court one day," says Mr. W. Andrews in <i>The +Lawyer</i>, "I heard the following sharp encounter between +a witness and an exceedingly irascible old-fashioned +solicitor who, among other things, hated +the modern custom of growing a beard or moustache. +He himself grew side-whiskers in the most approved +style of half a century ago. "Speak up, witness," he +shouted, "and don't stand mumbling there. If you +would shave off that unsightly moustache we might be +better able to hear what was coming out of your lips." +"And if you, sir," said the witness quietly, "would +shave off those side-whiskers you would enable my +words to reach your ears.""</p> + +<p>"My friend," said an irritable lawyer, "you are an +ass."—"Do you mean, sir," asked the witness, "that I +am your friend because I am an ass, or an ass because +I am your friend?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Counsel sometimes comes to grief in dealing with +experts. "Do you," asked one of a scientist, "know of a +substance called Sulphonylic Diazotised Sesqui Oxide +of Aldehyde?" and he looked round triumphantly. +"Certainly," came the reply. "It is analogous in diatomic +composition of Para Sulpho Benzine Azode +Methyl Aniline in conjunction with Phehekato<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>line." +Counsel said he would pursue the matter no +further.</p> + +<p>An action was brought by the owner of a donkey +which was forced against a wall by a waggon and +killed. The driver of the donkey was the chief witness, +and was much bullied by Mr. Raine, the defendant's +counsel, so that he lost his head and was reprimanded +by the judge for not giving direct answers, and looking +the jury in the face. Mr. Raine had a powerful +cast in his eye, which probably heightened the poor +fellow's confusion; and he continued to deal very severely +with the witness, reminding him again and +again of the judge's caution, saying: "Hold up your +head, man: look up, I say. Can't you hold up your +head, fellow? Can't you look as I do?" The witness, +with much simplicity, at once answered, "I can't, you +squint." On re-examination, Serjeant Cockle for the +plaintiff, seeing gleams of the witness's recovery from +his confusion, asked him to describe the position of +the waggon and the donkey. After much pressing, at +last he said, "Well, my lord judge, I'll tell you as how +it happened." Turning to Cockle, he said, "You'll +suppose ye are the wall."—"Aye, aye, just so, go on. +I am the wall, very good."—"Yes, sir, you are the +wall." Then changing his position a little, he said, "I +am the waggon."—"Yes, very good; now proceed, you +are the waggon," said the judge. The witness then +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>looked to the judge, and hesitating at first, but with a +low bow and a look of sudden despair, said, "And +your lordship's the ass!"</p> + +<p>Serjeant Cockle, who had a rough, blustering manner, +once got from a witness more than he gave. In +a trial of a right of fishery, he asked the witness: +"Dost thou love fish?"—"Aye," replied the witness, +with a grin, "but I donna like cockle sauce with it." +The learned serjeant was not pleased with the roar of +laughter which followed the remark.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. H. L. Adam in <i>The Story of Crime</i> says he remembers +a very amusing incident in one of our police +courts. A prisoner had engaged a solicitor to defend +him, and while the latter was speaking on his behalf +he suddenly broke in with, "Why, he dunno wot the +devil he's talking abaht!" Thereupon the magistrate +informed him that if he was dissatisfied with his advocate's +capabilities, he could, if he chose, defend himself. +This he elected to do, and in the end was acquitted, +the magistrate remarking that had the case been +left to counsel he would unquestionably have been +convicted.</p> + +<p>In cross-examining a witness, says Judge Parry in +<i>What the Judge Saw</i>, who had described the effects +of an accident, was confronted by counsel with his +statement, and asked, "But hadn't you told the doctor +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>that your thigh was numb and had no feeling?"—"What's +the good o' telling him anything," replied +the witness. "That's where doctor made a mistake. I +told 'im I was numb i' front, and what does he do but +go and stick a pin into my back-side. 'E's no doctor."</p> + +<p>From the same source is the following story. Another +man was testifying to an accident that had occurred +to him at the works where he was employed. +It was sought to prove that his testimony was false +because he had a holiday that day, and this poser was +put to him: "Do you mean to tell the Court that you +came to work when you might have been enjoying a +holiday?"—"Certainly."—"Why did you do that?" +The reply was too obviously truthful. "What should +I do? I have nowhere to go. I'm teetotal now."</p> + +<p>A Jew had been condemned to be hanged, and was +brought to the gallows along with a fellow prisoner; +but on the road, before reaching the place of execution, +a reprieve arrived for the Jew. When informed of this, +it was expected that he would instantly leave the cart +in which he was conveyed, but he remained and saw +his fellow prisoner hanged. Being asked why he did +not at once go about his business, he said, "He was +waiting to see if he could bargain with Mr. Ketch for +the <i>other gentleman's clothes</i>!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p><p>A sign-painter presented his bill to a lawyer for payment. +After examining it the lawyer said, "Do you expect +any painter will go to heaven if they make such +charges as these?"—"I never heard of but one that +went," said the painter, "and he behaved so badly +that they determined to turn him out, but there being +no lawyer present to draw up the Writ of Ejectment, +he remained."</p> + +<p>This must be the lawyer who, being refused entrance +to heaven by St. Peter, contrived to throw his +hat inside the door; and then, being permitted to go +and fetch it, took advantage of the Saint being fixed to +his post as doorkeeper and refused to come back again.</p> + +<p>A solicitor who was known to occasionally exceed +the limit at lunch betrayed so much unsteadiness that +the magistrate quickly observed, "I think, Mr. ——, +you are not quite well, perhaps you had a little too +much wine at lunch."—"Quite a mistake, your worship," +hiccoughed Mr. ——. "It was brandy and +water."</p> + +<p>The son-in-law of a Chancery barrister having succeeded +to the lucrative practice of the latter, came one +morning in breathless haste to inform him that he had +succeeded in bringing nearly to its termination a cause +which had been pending in the Court for several years. +Instead of obtaining the expected congratulations of +the retired veteran of the law, his intelligence was received +with indignation. "It was by this suit," ex<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>claimed +he, "that my father was enabled to provide for +me, and to portion your wife, and with the exercise of +common prudence it would have furnished you with +the means of providing handsomely for your children +and grandchildren."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_THREE" id="CHAPTER_THREE"></a>CHAPTER THREE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF IRELAND</h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"So slow is justice in its ways<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Beset by more than customary clogs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Going to law in these expensive days<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is much the same as going to the dogs."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Willock</span>: <i>Legal Facetiæ</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER THREE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF IRELAND</h2> + + +<p>In the days of Queen Anne corruption +was rife among Irish judges, as it was also among +members of the Scottish Bench at an earlier period, +and it was not uncommon to find the former concurring +in Privy Council reports issued contrary to evidence. +Within the area of the Munster Circuit in the early +years of the eighteenth century a petition was signed +and presented to Parliament by clergy, resident gentry, +and others in the district, because Lord Chancellor +Phipps refused to be influenced in his decision of cases +coming before him, and had thereby incurred the displeasure +of a certain section of the Irish Parliament. +Even a Lord Chief Justice was not above taking a gift; +and in this connection O'Flanagan in <i>The Munster +Circuit</i> tells a story of Chief Justice Pyne, who was a +great cattle-breeder and owner of valuable stock. One +day before starting for Cork Assizes to try a case in +which a Mr. Weller and a Mr. Nangle were concerned, +he received a visit from the former's steward, who had +been sent with a herd of twenty-five splendid heifers +for his lordship. The judge was highly pleased, and returned +by the steward a gracious message of thanks to +his master. On the way to Cork the Chief Justice's +coach was stopped by a drove of valuable shorthorns +on the road. Looking out, his lordship demanded of the +drover, "Whose beasts are these, my man?"—"They +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>belong, please your honour, to a great gentleman of +these parts, Judge Pyne, your honour," replied the +man. "Indeed," cried the Chief Justice in much surprise, +"and where are you taking them now?"—"They +are grazing in my master Mr. Nangle's farm, your honour; +and as the Assizes are coming on at Cork my +master thought the judge might like to see that he took +good care of them, so I'm taking them to Waterpark +(his lordship's estate) to show to the judge." The judge +felt the delicacy of Mr. Nangle's mode of giving his +present, and putting a guinea in the drover's hand +said, "As your master has taken such good care of my +cattle, I will take care of him." When the case came +on it appeared at first that the judge favoured the +plaintiff, Mr. Weller, but as it proceeded he changed +his views and finally decided for the defendant, Mr. +Nangle. On arriving home the judge's first question +was, "Are the cattle all safe?"—"Perfectly, my lord."—"Where +are the beasts I received on leaving for the +Cork Assizes?"—"They are where you left them, my +lord."—"Where I left them—that is impossible," exclaimed +the judge. "I left them on the road." The steward +looked puzzled. "I'll have a look at them myself," +said Chief Justice Pyne. The steward led the way, and +pointed out the twenty-five fine heifers presented by +Mr. Weller, the plaintiff. "But where are the shorthorns +that came after I left home?"—"Bedad, the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>long and the short of it is, them's all the cattle on the +land, except what we have bred ourselves, my lord." +And so it was. Mr. Nangle, the defendant, had so arranged +his gift to meet the judge on the road, but as +soon as his lordship's coach was out of sight the cattle +were driven back to their familiar fields. The Chief +Justice had been outwitted and had no power of showing +resentment.</p> + +<p>In the manners and customs of the legal profession +of Ireland in the latter part of the eighteenth century, +there is also a strong similarity between the members +of the Scottish Bench and their Irish brethren, in that +they were heavy port drinkers; and did not hesitate +to indulge in it while sitting on the Bench. It is reported +of one Irish judge that he had a specially constructed +metal tube like a penholder, through which +he sucked his favourite liquor, from what appeared to +the audience to be a metal inkstand. Another judge on +being asked if, at a social gathering, he had seen a +learned brother dance, "Yes," he replied, "I saw him +in a <i>reel</i>"; while Curran referring to a third judge, who +had condemned a prisoner to death, said, "He did not +weep, but he had a drop in his eye."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Unblushing effrontery and a bronzed visage gained +for John Scott (Lord Clonmel) while at the Bar the sobriquet +of "Copper-faced Jack." He took the popular +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>side in politics, which ordinarily would not have led to +promotion in his profession; but his outstanding ability +attracted the attention of Lord Chancellor Lifford, +and through his influence Scott was offered a place +under the Government. On accepting it at the hands +of Lord Townshend, he said, "My lord, you have spoiled +a good patriot." Some time after he met Flood, a +co-patriot, and addressed him: "Well, I suppose you +will be abusing me as usual." To which Flood replied: +"When I began to abuse you, you were a briefless barrister; +by abuse I made you counsel to the revenue, +by abuse I got you a silk gown, by abuse I made you +Solicitor-General, by abuse I may make you Chief Justice. +No, Scott, I'll praise you."</p> + +<p>When Lord Clonmel was Lord Chief Justice he upheld +the undignified practice of demanding a shilling +for administering an oath, and used to be well satisfied, +provided the coin was a <i>good one</i>. In his time the +Birmingham shilling was current, and he used the following +extraordinary precautions to avoid being imposed +upon by taking a bad one. "You shall true answer +make to such questions as shall be demanded of +you touching this affidavit, so help you God! <i>Is this +a good shilling?</i> Are the contents of this affidavit true? +Is this your name and handwriting?"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The family of Henn belonging to Clare have been, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>generation after generation, since the first of the name +became Chief Baron in 1679, connected with the Irish +Bench and Bar. William Henn, a descendant of the +Chief Baron, was made a Judge of the King's Bench in +1767, and when on Circuit at Wexford in 1789 two +young barristers contended before him with great zeal +and pertinacity, each flatly contradicting the other as +to the law of the case; and both at each turn of the +argument again and again referred with exemplary +confidence to the learned judge, as so well knowing +that what was said by him (the speaker) was right. +The judge said, "Well, gentlemen, can I settle this +matter between you? You, sir, say positively the law +is one way; and you, sir (turning to the opponent), as +unequivocally say it is the other way. I wish to God, +Billy Harris (leaning over and addressing the registrar +who sat beneath him), I knew what the law really +was!"—"My lord," replied Billy Harris, rising, and +turning round with great gravity and respect, "if I +possessed that knowledge, I assure your lordship that +I would tell your lordship with great pleasure!"—"Then," +exclaimed the judge, "we'll save the point, +Billy Harris!"</p> + +<p>Although more appropriate in the following chapter, +we may here introduce a story of the younger son of +the Judge Henn of the previous story. Jonathan, who +was more distinguished than his elder brother—an<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>other +Judge Henn—did not attain to the Bench. In early +years he was indifferent whether briefs were given him +or not, and indeed on one occasion he is said to have +sent a message to the Attorney-General, who had +called to engage him in a case, to keep "his d—d brief +and to take himself to the d—l." But later he became +very industrious, and his natural ability soon brought +him into a large and lucrative practice. He was counsel +for the Government at the trial of John Mitchell, and +at its close the wags of the Court declared that "Judge +Moore <i>spoke</i> to the evidence, but Jonathan Henn +<i>charged the jury</i>."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 287px;"> +<a name="viscount_carleton" id="viscount_carleton"></a> +<img src="images/viscount_carleton.jpg" width="287" height="390" alt="HUGH CARLETON, VISCOUNT CARLETON, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE OF IRELAND." title="" /> +<span class="caption">HUGH CARLETON, VISCOUNT CARLETON, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE OF IRELAND.</span> +</div> + +<p>Chief Justice Carleton was a most lugubrious judge, +and was always complaining of something or other, but +chiefly about the state of his health, so that Curran remarked +that it was strange the old judge was <i>plaintive</i> +in every case tried before him.</p> + +<p>One day his lordship came into Court very late, +looking very woeful. He apologised to the Bar for being +obliged to adjourn the Court at once and dismiss +the jury for that day. "Though," his lordship added, +"I am aware that an important issue stands for trial. +But, the fact is, gentlemen (addressing the Bar in a +low tone of voice and somewhat confidentially), I have +met with a domestic misfortune, which has altogether +deranged my nerves. Poor Lady Carleton has, most +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>unfortunately, miscarried, and—." "Oh, then, my +lord," exclaimed Curran, "I am sure we are all quite +satisfied your lordship has done right in deciding +there is no <i>issue</i> to try to-day." His lordship smiled a +ghastly smile, and, retiring, thanked the Bar for their +sympathy.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Judge Foster was trying five prisoners for murder, +and misunderstood the drift of the evidence. Four of +the prisoners seem to have assisted, but a witness +said as to the fifth, Denis Halligan, that it was he +who gave the fatal blow: "My lord, I saw Denis Halligan +(that's in the dock there) take a vacancy (Irish +word for 'aim' at an unguarded part) at the poor soul +that's kilt, and give him a wipe with a <i>clehalpin</i> (Irish +word for 'bludgeon'), and lay him down as quiet as a +child." They were found guilty. The judge, sentencing +the first four, gave them seven years' imprisonment. +But when he came to Halligan, who really +killed the deceased, the judge said, "Denis Halligan, +I have purposely reserved the consideration of your +case to the last. Your crime is doubtless of a grievous +nature, yet I cannot avoid taking into consideration +the mitigating circumstances that attend it. By the +evidence of the witness it clearly appears that <i>you</i> +were the only one of the party who showed any mercy +to the unfortunate deceased. You took him to a vacant +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>seat, and wiped him with a clean napkin, and you laid +him down with the gentleness one shows to a little +child. In consideration of these extenuating circumstances, +which reflect some credit upon you, I shall inflict +upon you three weeks' imprisonment." So Denis +Halligan got off by the judge mistaking a vacancy for a +vacant seat, and a <i>clehalpin</i> for a clean napkin.</p> + +<p>John Toler (Lord Norbury) was Chief Justice of the +Common Pleas in Ireland. His humour was broad, and +his absolute indifference to propriety often saved the +situation by converting a serious matter into a wholly +ludicrous one. His Court was in constant uproar, owing +to his noisy jesting, and like a noted old Scottish +judge he would have his joke when the life of a human +being was hanging in the balance. Even on his own +deathbed he could not resist the impulse. On hearing +that his friend Lord Erne was also nearing his end at +the same time, he called for his valet: "James," said +Lord Norbury, "run round to Lord Erne and tell him +with my compliments that it will be a <i>dead</i>-heat between +us."</p> + +<p>The best illustration of the almost daily condition +of things when Lord Norbury presided at Nisi Prius +is given by himself in his reply to the answer of a witness. +"What is your business?" asked the judge. "I +keep a <i>racquet-court</i>, my lord."—"So do I, so do I," +immediately exclaimed the judge. Nor did he reserve +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>his <i>bon mots</i> for Court merriment. Passing the Quay on +his way to the Four Courts one morning, he noticed a +crowd and inquired of a bystander the cause of it. On +being told that a tailor had just been rescued from attempted +suicide by drowning, his lordship exclaimed, +"What a fool to leave his <i>hot goose</i> for a <i>cold duck</i>." +The boastful statement of a gentleman in his company +that he had shot seventy hares before breakfast drew +from the Chief Justice the sarcastic remark, "I suppose, +sir, you fired at a wig."</p> + +<p>A son of a peer having been accused of arson, of +which offence he was generally believed guilty, but acquitted +on a point of insufficiency of evidence to sustain +the indictment, was tried before Lord Norbury. +The young gentleman met the judge next at the Lord-Lieutenant's +levee in the Castle. Instead of avoiding +the Chief Justice, the scion of nobility boldly said, "I +have recently married, and have come here to enable +me to present my bride at the Drawing-Room."—"Quite +right to mind the Scripture. Better marry +than burn," retorted Lord Norbury.</p> + +<p>A barrister once pressed him to non-suit the plaintiff +in a case; but his lordship decided to let it go to a +jury trial. "I do believe," said the disappointed advocate, +"your lordship has not the <i>courage to non-suit</i>."—"You +say, sir," replied the irate judge, "you don't +believe I'd have the courage to non-suit. I tell you I +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>have courage to <i>shoot</i> and to <i>non-shoot</i>, but I'll not +non-suit for you." This same counsel was once horsewhipped +by an army officer at Nelson's Pillar in Sackville +Street, and applied for a Criminal Information +against his assailant. "Certainly he shall have it," +said the witty judge. "The Court is bound to give +protection to any one who has <i>bled under the gallant +Nelson</i>."</p> + +<p>On a motion before this judge, a sheriff's officer, +who had the hardihood to serve a process in Connemara, +where the king's writ <i>did not run</i>, swore that +the natives made him eat and swallow both copy and +original. Norbury, affecting great disgust, exclaimed: +"Jackson, Jackson, I hope it's not made returnable into +this Court."</p> + +<p>While giving a judgment on a writ of right, Lord +Norbury observed that it was not sufficient for a demandant +to say he "claimed by descent." "Such an +answer," he continued, "would be a shrewd one for a +sweep, who got into your house by coming down the +chimney; and it would be an easy, as well as a sweeping, +way of getting in."</p> + +<p>His lordship was attacked by a fit of gout when on +Circuit, and sent to the Solicitor-General requesting +the loan of a pair of large slippers. "Take them," said +the Solicitor to the servant, "with my respects, and I +hope soon to be in his lordship's shoes."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p> +<p>At the instigation of O'Connell, Lord Norbury was +finally removed from the Bench. A flagrant case of +partiality was brought to Lord Brougham's notice +which exasperated Lord Norbury, and he is reported +to have said, "I'll resign to demand satisfaction. That +Scottish Broom wants to be made acquainted with an +Irish stick."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Two notorious highwaymen were charged before +Chief Baron O'Grady with robbery, and to the surprise +of all the jury returned a verdict of not guilty. +"Mr. Murphy," said the judge to the gaoler, "you will +greatly ease my mind by keeping these two respectable +gentlemen in custody until seven o'clock. I leave for +Dublin at five, and I should like to have at least two +hours' start of them." There is also the story of a barrister +who made an eloquent speech and got his client +off, but he was very anxious to know whether the prisoner +was guilty or not. "Well, sir," said the man when +applied to, "to tell the truth I thought I was guilty until +I heard you speak, and then I didn't see how I could +be." This at once recalls an old story. "Prisoner, I +understand you confess your guilt," said the judge. +"No, I don't," said the prisoner. "My counsel has convinced +me of my innocence."</p> + +<p>On hearing that some spendthrift barristers, friends +of his, were appointed to be Commissioners of Insolv<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>ent +Debtors the Chief Baron remarked, "At all events, +the insolvents can't complain of not being tried by +their peers." It was the same judge who caustically +observed, after a long and dull legal argument: "I +agree with my brother J——, for the reasons given by +my brother M——." A prisoner once was given a +practical specimen of his lordship's wit, and must have +been rather distressed by it. He was passing sentence +upon a pickpocket, and ordering a punishment common +at that time. "You will be whipped from North +Gate to South Gate," said the judge. "Bad luck to you, +you old blackguard," said the prisoner. "—And back +again," said the Chief Baron, as if he had been interrupted +in the delivery of the sentence.</p> + +<p>A cause of much celebrity was tried at a county Assize, +at which Chief Baron O'Grady presided. Bushe, +then a K.C., who held a brief for the defence, was +pleading the cause of his client with much eloquence, +when a donkey in the courtyard outside set up a loud +bray. "One at a time, brother Bushe!" called out +his lordship. Peals of laughter filled the Court. The +counsel bore the interruption as best he could. The +judge was proceeding to sum up with his usual ability: +the donkey again began to bray. "I beg your lordship's +pardon," said Bushe, putting his hand to his +ear; "but there is such an echo in the Court that I can't +hear a word you say."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span></p> +<p>In his charges to juries, O'Grady frequently made +some quaint remarks. There was a Kerry case in +which a number of men were indicted for riot and assault. +Several of them bore the familiar names of +O'Donoghue, Moriarty, Duggan, &c., while among the +jurymen these names were also found. Well knowing +that consanguinity was prevalent in the district, the +judge began his address to the jury with the significant +remark: "Of course, gentlemen, you will acquit +your own relatives." In another case of larceny of +pantaloons which was clearly proved, but in which +the thief got a good character for honesty, he began: +"Gentlemen, the prisoner was an honest boy, but he +stole the pantaloons."</p> + +<p>"I merely wish to address your lordship on the form +of the indictment, if your lordship pleases," said a +young barrister to the Chief Baron. "Oh, certainly, I +will hear you with mighty great pleasure, sir; but I'll +be after taking the verdict of the jury first," was the +sarcastic reply.</p> + +<p>The brother of Chief Baron O'Grady once caught a +boy stealing turnips from one of his fields and asked +his lordship if the culprit could be prosecuted under +the Timber Acts. "No," said the Chief Baron, "unless +you can prove that your turnips are sticky."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Yelverton, first Baron Avonmore, possessed re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>markable +rhetorical ability and a highly cultivated +mind. He rose rapidly at the Bar, until he became Chief +Baron of Exchequer. He was the founder of the convivial +order of St. Patrick, called "The Monks of the +Screw," of which Curran, who wrote its charter song, +was Prior. Avonmore was a man of warm and benevolent +feelings, which he gave vent to in an equal degree +in private life, in the senate, and on the Bench.</p> + +<p>Before giving an anecdote of Lord Avonmore it may +interest readers, especially English and Scottish, to +quote here the charter song of this famous Irish convivial +club of the eighteenth century.</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">THE CHARTER SONG OF THE<br /></span> +<span class="i0">MONKS OF THE SCREW<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">When St. Patrick this order establish'd,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He called us the "Monks of the Screw"!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Good rules he reveal'd to our Abbot,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To guide us in what we should do.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But first he replenish'd our fountain,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">With liquor the best in the sky;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And he swore on the word of a saint<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That the fountain should never run dry.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Each year when your octaves approach,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In full chapter convened let me find you,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And when to the convent you come<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Leave your favourite temptation behind you;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And be not a glass in your convent,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Unless on a festival found;<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span><span class="i0">And this rule to enforce I ordain it,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our festival all the year round.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">My brethren, be chaste till you're tempted;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">While sober be grave and discreet;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And humble your bodies with fasting,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As oft as you've nothing to eat.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Yet, in honour of fasting, one lean face<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Among you I'll always require,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If the Abbot should please he may wear it—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If not, let it come to the Prior.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>The last two lines hit off the appearance of the Abbot, +a Mr. Doyle, and of the Prior, J. P. Curran. The +former was a big burly man with a fat, jovial face, while +Curran was a short and particularly spare man whose +"lean face" always attracted attention.</p> + +<p>On a Lent Circuit, one of the Assize towns happened +to be a place, of which one of Lord Avonmore's +college contemporaries held a living: at his own request, +the Chief Baron's reverend friend preached the +Assize sermon. The time being the month of March +the weather was cold, the judge was chilled, and unhappily +the sermon was long, and the preacher tedious. +After the discourse was over, the preacher descended +from the pulpit and approached the judge, smirking +and smiling, looking fully satisfied with his own exertions, +and expecting to receive the compliments and +congratulations of his quondam chum. "Well, my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>lord," he asked, "and how did you like the sermon?"—"Oh! +most wonderfully," replied Avonmore. "It was +like the peace of God—it passed all understanding; +and—like his mercy—I thought it would have endured +for ever."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>When Plunket was at the Bar his great friend and +rival was C. K. Bushe. The former was Attorney-General +at the same time as the latter was Solicitor-General, +and it caused him much dissatisfaction when +Plunket learned that on a change of Government +Solicitor-General Bushe had not followed his example +and resigned office. At the time this occurred both +barristers happened to be engaged in a case at which, +when it was called, Bushe only appeared. On the judge +inquiring of Mr. Bushe if he knew the reason of Mr. +Plunket's absence his friend jocosely remarked, "I +suppose, my lord, he is Cabinet-making." This pleasantry, +at his expense, was told to Plunket by a friend, +when he arrived in Court, on which, turning to the +judge, the ex-Attorney-General proudly said, "I assure +your lordship I am not so well qualified for Cabinet-making +as my learned friend. I never was either a +<i>turner</i> or a <i>joiner</i>."</p> + +<p>Two eminent Irish astronomers differed in an argument +on the parallax of a lyræ—the one maintaining +that it was three seconds, and the other that it was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>only two seconds. On being told of this discussion, +and that the astronomers parted without arriving at +an agreement, Plunket quietly remarked: "It must +be a very serious quarrel indeed, when even the seconds +cannot agree."</p> + +<p>Once applying the common expression to accommodation +bills of exchange, that they were <i>mere kites</i>, +the judge, an English Chancellor, said "he never heard +that expression applied before to any but the kites of +boys."—"Oh," replied Plunket, "that's the difference +between kites in England and in Ireland. In England +the wind raises the kite, but in Ireland the kite raises +the wind."</p> + +<p>Everybody (says Phillips) knew how acutely Plunket +felt his forced resignation of the chancellorship, +and his being superseded by Lord Campbell. A violent +storm arose on the day of Campbell's expected arrival, +and a friend remarking to Plunket how sick of his promotion +the passage must have made the new Chancellor: +"Yes," said the former, ruefully, "but it won't +make him throw up the seals."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. Frankfort Moore, in his <i>Journalist's Notebook</i>, +relates how Justice Lawson summed up in the case of +a man who was charged with stealing a pig. The evidence +of the theft was quite conclusive, and, in fact, +was not combated; but the prisoner called the priests +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>and neighbours to attest to his good character. "Gentlemen +of the jury," said the judge, "I think that the +only conclusion you can arrive at is, that the pig was +stolen by the prisoner, and that he is the most amiable +man in the country."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_FOUR" id="CHAPTER_FOUR"></a>CHAPTER FOUR<br /> +THE BARRISTERS OF IRELAND</h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span></p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"'Men that hire out their words and anger'; that are more or less +passionate according as they are paid for it, and allow their client +a quantity of wrath proportionable to the fee which they receive +from him."</p> + +<p> +<span class="smcap">Addison</span>: <i>The Spectator</i>.<br /> +</p></div><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER FOUR<br /> +THE BARRISTERS OF IRELAND</h2> + + +<p>The Irish counsel like the occupants +of the Bench were, in early times, eminent for their jolly +carousing. Once, about 1687, a heavy argument coming +on before Lord Chancellor Fitton, Mr. Nagle, the solicitor, +retained Sir Toby Butler as counsel, who entered +into a bargain that he would not drink a drop of wine +while the case was at hearing. This bargain reached +the ears of the Chancellor, who asked Sir Toby if it was +true that such a compact had been made. The counsel +said it was true, and the bargain had been rigidly +kept; but on further inquiry he admitted that as he had +only promised not to <i>drink</i> a <i>drop</i> of wine, he felt he +must have some stimulant. So he got a basin, into +which he poured two bottles of claret, and then got +two hot rolls of bread, sopped them in the claret and +ate them. "I see," replied the Chancellor; "in truth, +Sir Toby, you deserve to be master of the rolls!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="john_curran" id="john_curran"></a> +<img src="images/john_curran.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="JOHN P. CURRAN, MASTER OF ROLLS." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN P. CURRAN, MASTER OF ROLLS.</span> +</div> + +<p>One naturally turns to Curran for a selection of the +witty sayings of the Irish Bar, and abundantly he supplies +them, although in these days many of his jests +may be considered as in somewhat doubtful taste. +Phillips tells us he remembered Curran once—in an +action for breach of promise of marriage, in which he +was counsel for the defendant, a young clergyman—thus +appealing to the jury: "Gentlemen, I entreat you +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>not to ruin this young man by a vindictive verdict; +for <i>though</i> he has talents, and is in the Church, <i>he may +rise</i>!"</p> + +<p>After his college career Curran went to London +to study for the Bar. His circumstances were often +straitened, and at times so much so that he had to +pass the day without dinner. But under such depressing +circumstances his high spirits never forsook him. +One day he was sitting in St. James's Park merrily +whistling a tune when a gentleman passed, who, struck +by the youth's melancholy appearance while, at the +same time, he whistled a lively air, asked how he +"came to be sitting there whistling while other people +were at dinner." Curran replied, "I would have been +at dinner too, but a trifling circumstance—delay in remittances—obliges +me to dine on an Irish tune." The +result was that Curran was invited to dine with the +stranger, and years afterwards, when he had become +famous, he recalled the incident to his entertainer—Macklin, +the celebrated actor—with the assurance, +"You never acted better in your life."</p> + +<p>From Phillips again we have Curran's retort upon +an Irish judge, who was quite as remarkable for his +good humour and raillery as for his legal researches. +Curran was addressing a jury on one of the State trials +in 1803 with his usual animation. The judge, whose +political bias, if any judge can have one, was certainly +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>supposed not to be favourable to the prisoner, shook +his head in doubt or denial of one of the advocate's +arguments. "I see, gentlemen," said Curran, "I see +the motion of his lordship's head; common observers +might imagine that implied a difference of opinion, but +they would be mistaken; it is merely accidental. Believe +me, gentlemen, if you remain here many days, you +will yourselves perceive that when his lordship shakes +his head, there's <i>nothing in it</i>!"</p> + +<p>Curran was one day engaged in a case in which he +had for a junior a remarkably tall and slender gentleman, +who had been originally intended to take orders. +The judge observing that the case under discussion +involved a question of ecclesiastical law, Curran interposed +with: "I refer your lordship to a high authority +behind me, who was once intended for the Church, +though in my opinion he was fitter for the steeple."</p> + +<p>He was one day walking with a friend, who, hearing +a person say "curosity" for "curiosity," exclaimed: +"How that man murders the English language!"—"Not +so bad as that," replied Curran. "He has only knocked +an 'i' out."</p> + +<p>Curran never joined the hunt, except once, not far +from Dublin. His horse joined very keenly in the sport, +but the horseman was inwardly hoping all the while +that the dogs would not find. In the midst of his career, +the hounds broke into a potato field of a wealthy land<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>-agent, +who happened to have been severely cross-examined +by Curran some days before. The fellow came +up patronisingly and said, "Oh sure, you are Counsellor +Curran, the great lawyer. Now then, Mr. Lawyer, +can you tell me by what law you are trespassing +on my ground?"—"By what law, did you ask, Mr. +Maloney?" replied Curran. "It must be the <i>Lex Tally-ho-nis</i>, +to be sure."</p> + +<p>During one of the Circuits, Curran was dining with +a brother advocate at a small inn kept by a worthy +woman known by the Christian name of Honoria, or, +as it is generally called, Honor. The gentlemen were +so pleased with their entertainment that they summoned +Honor to receive their compliments and drink +a glass of wine with them. She attended at once, and +Curran after a brief eulogium on the dinner filled a +glass, and handing it to the landlady proposed as a +toast "Honor and Honesty," to which the lady with +an arch smile added, "Our absent friends," drank off +her amended toast and withdrew.</p> + +<p>He happened one day to have for his companion in +a stage-coach a very vulgar and revolting old woman, +who seemed to have been encrusted with a prejudice +against Ireland and all its inhabitants. Curran sat +chafing in silence in his corner. At last, suddenly, a +number of cows, with their tails and heads in the air, +kept rushing up and down the road in alarming prox<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>imity +to the coach windows. The old woman manifestly +was but ill at ease. At last, unable to restrain her terror, +she faltered out, "Oh dear; oh dear, sir! what can the +cows mean?"—"Faith, my good woman," replied Curran, +"as there's an Irishman in the coach, I shouldn't +wonder if they were on the outlook for <i>a bull</i>!"</p> + +<p>Curran was once asked what an Irish gentleman, +just arrived in England, could mean by perpetually +putting out his tongue. "I suppose," replied the wit, +"he's trying <i>to catch the English accent</i>."</p> + +<p>During the temporary separation of Lord Avonmore +and Curran, Egan espoused the judge's imaginary +quarrel so bitterly that a duel was the consequence. +The parties met, and on the ground Egan complained +that the disparity in their sizes gave his antagonist a +manifest advantage. "I might as well fire at a razor's +edge as at him," said Egan, "and he may hit me as +easily as a turf-stack."—"I'll tell you what, Mr. Egan," +replied Curran; "I wish to take no advantage of you—let +my <i>size</i> be <i>chalked</i> out upon your side, and I am +quite content that every shot which hits outside that +mark should <i>go for nothing</i>." And in another duel, in +which his opponent was a major who had taken +offence at some remark the eminent counsel had made +about him in Court, the major asked Curran to fire +first. "No," replied Curran, "I am here on your invitation, +so you must <i>open the ball</i>."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span></p> +<p>Sir Thomas Furton, who was a respectable speaker, +but certainly nothing more, affected once to discuss the +subject of eloquence with Curran, assuming an equality +by no means palatable to the latter. Curran happening +to mention, as a peculiarity of his, that he could +not speak above a quarter of an hour without requiring +something to moisten his lips, Sir Thomas, pursuing +his comparisons, declared <i>he</i> had the advantage +in that respect. "I spoke," said he, "the other night in +the Commons for five hours on the Nabob of Oude, +and never felt in the least thirsty."—"It is very remarkable, +indeed," replied Curran, "for everyone agrees +that was the <i>driest</i> speech of the session."</p> + +<p>Lord Clare (says Mr. Hayward) had a favourite dog +which was permitted to follow him to the Bench. One +day, during an argument of Curran's, the Chancellor +turned aside and began to fondle the dog, with the +obvious view of intimating inattention or disregard. +The counsel stopped; the judge looked up: "I beg your +pardon," continued Curran, "I thought your lordship +had been in consultation."</p> + +<p>Curran often raised a laugh at Lord Norbury's expense. +The laws, at that period, made capital punishment +so general that nearly all crimes were punishable +with death by the rope. It was remarked Lord Norbury +never hesitated to condemn the convicted prisoner +to the gallows. Dining in company with Curran, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>who was carving some corned beef, Lord Norbury inquired, +"Is that hung beef, Mr. Curran?"—"Not yet, +my lord," was the reply; "you have not <i>tried</i> it."</p> + +<p>"A doldrum, Mr. Curran! What does the witness +mean by saying you put him in a doldrum?" asked +Lord Avonmore. "Oh, my lord, it is a very common +complaint with persons of this description; it's merely +a confusion of the head arising from a corruption of +the heart."</p> + +<p>Angered one day in debate, he put his hand on his +heart, saying, "I am the trusty guardian of my own +honour."—"Then," replied Sir Boyle Roche, "I congratulate +my honourable friend in the snug little sinecure +to which he has appointed himself."</p> + +<p>But on one occasion he met his match in a pert, +jolly, keen-eyed son of Erin, who was up as a witness +in a case of dispute in the matter of a horse deal. Curran +was anxious to break down the credibility of this +witness, and thought to do it by making the man contradict +himself—by tangling him up in a network of +adroitly framed questions—but to no avail. The ostler's +good common sense, and his equanimity and good +nature, were not to be upset. Presently, Curran, in a +towering rage, thundered forth, as no other counsel +would have dared to do in the presence of the Court: +"Sir, you are incorrigible! The truth is not to be got +from you, for it is not in you. I see the villain in your +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>face!"—"Faith, yer honour," replied the witness, with +the utmost simplicity of truth and honesty, "my face +must be moighty clane and shinin' indade, if it can reflect +like that." For once in his life the great barrister +was floored by a simple witness. He could not recover +from that repartee, and the case went against him.</p> + +<p>When Curran heard that there was a likelihood of +trouble for the part he took in 1798, and that in all +probability he would be deprived of the rank of Q.C., +he remarked: "They may take away the <i>silk</i>, but they +leave the <i>stuff</i> behind."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Bully" Egan had a great muscular figure, as may be +guessed from the story of the duel with Curran. To +his bulk he added a stentorian voice, which he freely +used in Nisi Prius practice to browbeat opposing +counsel and witnesses, and through which he acquired +his <i>sobriquet</i>. On one occasion his opponent was a +dark-visaged barrister who had made out a good case +for his client. Egan, in the course of an eloquent address, +begged the jury not to be carried away by the +"dark oblivion of a brow."—"What do you mean by +using such balderdash?" said a friend. "It may be +balderdash," replied Egan, "but depend upon it, it +will do very well for that jury." On another occasion +he concluded a vituperative address by describing the +defendant as "a most naufrageous ruffian."—"What +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>sort of a ruffian is that?" whispered his junior. "I have +no idea," responded Egan, "but I think <i>it sounds well</i>."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>H. D. Grady was a strong supporter, in the Irish +Parliament, of the Union of Great Britain and Ireland, +although he represented a constituency strongly opposed +to it; and he did not conceal the fact that the +Government had made it worth his while to support +them. "What!" exclaimed one of his constituents +who remonstrated with him; "do you mean to sell your +country?"—"Thank God," cried this patriot, "I have +a country to sell."</p> + +<p>For his Court work this anti-Nationalist barrister +had what he called his "jury-eye." When he wanted +a jury to note a particular point he kept winking his +right eye at them. Entering the Court one day looking +very depressed, a sympathetic friend asked if he was +quite well, adding, "You are not so lively as usual."—"How +can I be," replied Grady, "my jury-eye is out of +order."</p> + +<p>He was examining a foreign sailor at Cork Assizes. +"You are a Swede, I believe?"—"No, I am not."—"What +are you then?"—"I am a Dane." Grady turned +to the jury, "Gentlemen, you hear the equivocating +scoundrel. <i>Go down, sir!</i>"</p> + +<p>Judge Boyd who, according to O'Connell, was guilty +of sipping his wine through a peculiarly made tube +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>from a metal inkstand, to which we have already referred, +one day presided at a trial where a witness was +charged with being intoxicated at the time he was +speaking about. Mr. Harry Grady laboured hard to +show that the man had been sober. Judge Boyd at +once interposed and said: "Come now, my good man, +it is a very important consideration; tell the Court +truly, were you drunk or were you sober upon that +occasion?"—"Oh, quite sober, my Lord." Grady added, +with a significant look at the <i>inkstand</i>, "As sober +as a judge!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Mr. Bethell, a barrister at the time of the Union of +Ireland and Great Britain, like many of his brethren, +published a pamphlet on that much-vexed subject. Mr. +Lysaght, meeting him, said: "Bethell, you never told +me you had published a pamphlet on the Union. The +one I saw contained some of the best things I have +ever seen in any of these publications."—"I am proud +you think so," rejoined the other eagerly. "Pray what +was the thing that pleased you so much?"—"Well," +replied Lysaght, "as I passed a pastry-cook's shop this +morning, I saw a girl come out with three hot mince-pies +wrapped up in one of your productions!"</p> + +<p>"Pleasant Ned Lysaght," as his familiar friends +called him, meeting a Dublin banker one day offered +himself as an assistant if there was a vacancy in the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>bank's staff. "You, my dear Lysaght," said the banker; +"what position could you fill?"—"Two," was the reply. +"If you made me <i>cashier</i> for one day, I'll become +<i>runner</i> the next."</p> + +<p>And it was Lysaght who made a neat pun on his +host's name at a dinner party during the Munster Circuit. +The gentleman, named Flatly, was in the habit +of inviting members of the Bar to his house when the +Court was held in Limerick. One evening the conversation +turned upon matrimony, and surprise was expressed +that their host still remained a bachelor. He +confessed that he never had had the courage to propose +to a young lady. "Depend upon it," said Lysaght, +"if you ask any girl <i>boldly</i> she will not refuse you, +<i>Flatly</i>."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>O'Flanagan, author of <i>The Lord Chancellors of Ireland</i>, +writes of Holmes, an Irish barrister: "He made +us laugh very much one day in the Queen's Bench. +I was waiting for some case in which I was counsel, +when the crier called, 'Pluck and Diggers,' and in came +James Scott, Q.C., very red and heated, and, throwing +his bag on the table within the bar, he said, 'My lords, +I beg to assure your lordships I feel so exhausted I am +quite unable to argue this case. I have been speaking +for three hours in the Court of Exchequer, and I am +quite tired; and pray excuse me, my lords, I must get +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>some refreshment.' The Chief Justice bowed, and said, +'Certainly, Mr. Scott.' So that gentleman left the +Court. 'Mr. Holmes, you are in this case,' said the +Chief Justice; 'we'll be happy to hear you.'—'Really, +my lord, I am very tired too,' said Mr. Holmes. 'Surely,' +said the Chief Justice, 'you have not been speaking +for three hours in the Court of Exchequer? What +has tired you?'—'Listening to Mr. Scott,' was Holmes' +sarcastic reply."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Although rivals in their profession, C. K. Bushe +had a great admiration for Plunket's abilities, and +would not listen to any disparagement of them. One +day while Plunket was speaking at the Bar a friend +said to Bushe, "Well, if it was not for the eloquence, +I'd as soon listen to ——," who was a very prosy +speaker. "No doubt," replied Bushe, "just as the Connaught +man said, ''Pon my conscience if it was not for +the malt and the hops, I'd as soon drink ditch water as +porter.'"</p> + +<p>There is an impromptu of Bushe's upon two political +agitators of the day who had declined an appeal to +arms, one on account of his wife, the other from the +affection in which he held his daughter:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Two heroes of Erin, abhorrent of slaughter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Improved on the Hebrew command—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">One honoured his wife, and the other his daughter,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That 'their' days might be long in 'the land.'"<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> +<p>A young barrister once tried to raise a laugh at the +Mess dinner at the expense of "Jerry Keller," a barrister +who was prominent in social circles of Dublin, +and whose cousin, a wine merchant, held the contract +for supplying wine to the Mess cellar. "I have noticed," +said the junior, "that the claret bottles are +growing smaller and smaller at each Assizes since +your cousin became our wine merchant."—"Whist!" +replied Jerry; "don't you be talking of what you know +nothing about. It's quite natural the bottles should be +growing smaller, because we all know <i>they shrink in +the washing</i>."</p> + +<p>An ingenious expedient was devised to save a prisoner +charged with robbery in the Criminal Court at +Dublin. The principal thing that appeared in evidence +against him was a confession, alleged to have been +made by him at the police office. The document, purporting +to contain this self-criminating acknowledgment, +was produced by the officer, and the following +passage was read from it:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Mangan said he never robbed but twice<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Said it was Crawford."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>This, it will be observed, has no mark of the writer +having any notion of punctuation, but the meaning attached +to it was, that</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Mangan said he never robbed but twice.<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Said it was Crawford.</i>"<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span></p> +<p>Mr. O'Gorman, the counsel for the prisoner, begged +to look at the paper. He perused it, and rather astonished +the peace officer by asserting, that so far from +its proving the man's guilt, it clearly established his +innocence. "This," said the learned gentleman, "is the +fair and obvious reading of the sentence:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Mangan said he never robbed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>But twice said it was Crawford</i>."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>This interpretation had its effect on the jury, and +the man was acquitted.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>There were two barristers at the Irish Bar who +formed a singular contrast in their stature—Ninian +Mahaffy was as much above the middle size as Mr. +Collis was below it. When Lord Redsdale was Lord +Chancellor of Ireland these two gentlemen chanced +to be retained in the same cause a short time after his +lordship's elevation, and before he was personally acquainted +with the Irish Bar. Mr. Collis was opening +the motion, when the Lord Chancellor observed, "Mr. +Collis, when a barrister addresses the Court, he must +stand."—"I am standing on the bench, my lord," said +Collis. "I beg a thousand pardons," said his lordship, +somewhat confused. "Sit down, Mr. Mahaffy."—"I +am sitting, my lord," was the reply to the confounded +Chancellor.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span></p> +<p>A barrister who was present on this occasion made +it the subject of the following epigram:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Mahaffy and Collis, ill-paired in a case,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Representatives true of the rattling size ace;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the heights of the law, though I hope you will rise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You will never be judges I'm sure of a(s)size."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>A very able barrister, named Collins, had the reputation +of occasionally involving his adversary in a legal +net, and, by his superior subtlety, gaining his cause. +On appearing in Court in a case with the eminent barrister, +Mr. Pigot, Q.C., there arose a question as to who +should be leader, Mr. Collins being the senior in standing +at the Bar, Mr. Pigot being one of the Queen's +Counsel. "I yield," said Mr. Collins; "my friend holds +the honours."—"Faith, if he does, Stephen," observed +Mr. Herrick, "'tis you have all the tricks."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 281px;"> +<a name="daniel_oconnell" id="daniel_oconnell"></a> +<img src="images/daniel_oconnell.jpg" width="281" height="390" alt="DANIEL O'CONNELL, "THE LIBERATOR."" title="" /> +<span class="caption">DANIEL O'CONNELL, "THE LIBERATOR."</span> +</div> + +<p>It is told by one of O'Connell's biographers that he +never prepared his addresses to judges or juries—he +trusted to the inspiration of the moment. He had at +command humour and pathos, invective and argument; +he was quick-witted and astonishingly ready in repartee, +and he brought all these into play, as he found them +serviceable in influencing the bench or the jury-box.</p> + +<p>Lord Manners, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, stopped +several of the many counsels in a Chancery suit by saying +he had made up his mind. He, in fact, lost his tem<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>per +as each in succession rose, and he declined them +in turn. At last O'Connell, one of the unheard counsel, +began in his deepest and most emphatic tone: "Well +then, my lord, since your lordship refuses to hear my +learned friend, you will be pleased to hear <span class="smcap">ME</span>"; and +then he plunged into the case, without waiting for any +expression, assent or dissent, or allowing any interruption. +On he went, discussing and distinguishing, +and commenting and quoting, till he secured the attention +of, and evidently was making an impression on, +the unwilling judge. Every few minutes O'Connell +would say: "Now, my lord, my learned young friend +beside me, had your lordship heard him, would have +informed your lordship in a more impressive and lucid +manner than I can hope to do," etcetera, until he finished +a masterly address. The Lord Chancellor next +morning gave judgment in favour of O'Connell's client.</p> + +<p>He was engaged in a will case, the allegation being +that the will was a forgery. The subscribing witness +swore that the will had been signed by the deceased +"while life was in him"—that being an expression derived +from the Irish language, which peasants who +have long ceased to speak Irish still retain. The evidence +was strong in favour of the will, when O'Connell +was struck by the persistency of the man, who always +repeated the same words, "The life was in him." +O'Connell asked: "On the virtue of your oath, was he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>alive?"—"By the virtue of my oath, the life was in +him."—"Now I call upon you in the presence of your +Maker, who will one day pass sentence on you for this +evidence, I solemnly ask—and answer me at your +peril—was there not a live fly in the dead man's +mouth when his hand was placed on the will?" The +witness was taken aback at this question; he trembled, +turned pale, and faltered out an abject confession that +the counsellor was right; a fly had been introduced into +the mouth of the dead man, to allow the witness to +swear that "life was in him."</p> + +<p>O'Connell was defending John Connor on a charge +of murder. The most incriminating evidence was the +finding of the murderer's hat, left behind on the road. +The all-important question was as to the identity of the +hat as that of the accused man. A constable was prepared +to swear to it. "You found this hat?" said O'Connell. +"Yes."—"You examined it?"—"Yes."—"You +know it to be the prisoner's property?"—"Yes."—"When +you picked it up you saw it was damaged?"—"Yes."—"And +looking inside you saw the prisoner's +name, <span class="smcap">J-o-h-n C-o-n-n-o-r</span>?" (here he spelt out the +name slowly). "Yes," was the answer. "There is no +name inside at all, my lord," said O'Connell, and the +prisoner was saved.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Explaining to a judge his absence from the Civil +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>Court at the time a case was heard, in which he should +have appeared as counsel, O'Connell said he could +not leave a client in the Criminal Court until the verdict +was given. "What was it?" inquired the judge. +"Acquitted," responded O'Connell. "Then you have +got off a wretch who is not fit to live," said the judge. +O'Connell, knowing his lordship to be a very religious +man, at once replied: "I am sure you will agree with +me that a man whom you regard as not fit to <i>live</i> +would be still more <i>unfit</i> to die."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>There was a young barrister—a contemporary of +O'Connell—named Parsons, who had a good deal of +humour, and who hated the whole tribe of attorneys. +Perhaps they had not treated him very well, but his +prejudice against them was very constant and conspicuous. +One day, in the Hall of the Four Courts, +an attorney came up to him to beg a subscription towards +burying a brother attorney who had died in distressed +circumstances. Parsons took out a one-pound +note and tendered it. "Oh, Mr. Parsons," said the applicant, +"I do not want so much—I only ask a shilling +from each contributor. I have limited myself to that, +and I cannot really take more."—"Oh, take it, take it," +said Parsons; "for God's sake, my good sir, take the +pound, and while you are at it bury twenty of them."</p> + +<p>There is a terseness in the following which seems to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>be inimitable. Lord Norbury was travelling with Parsons; +they passed a gibbet. "Parsons," said Norbury, +with a chuckle, "where would <i>you</i> be now if every +one had his due?"—"Alone in my carriage," replied +Parsons.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Here is a young Irishman's first Bar-speech. "Your +lordships perceive that we stand here as our grandmothers' +administrators <i>de bonis non</i>; and really, my +lords, it does strike me that it would be a monstrous +thing to say that a party can now come in, in the very +teeth of an Act of Parliament, and actually turn us +round, under colour of hanging us up, on the foot of a +contract made behind our backs."</p> + +<p>A learned Serjeant MacMahon was noted for his +confusion of language in his efforts to be sublime. He +cared less for the sense than the sound. As, for example: +"Gentlemen of the jury, I smell a rat—but I'll nip +it in the bud." And, "My client acted boldly. He saw +the storm brewing in the distance, but he was not dismayed! +He took the bull by the horns and he <i>indicted +him for perjury</i>."</p> + +<p>Peter Burrowes, a well-known member of the Irish +Bar, was on one occasion counsel for the prosecution +at an important trial for murder. Burrowes had a severe +cold, and opened his speech with a box of lozenges +in one hand and in the other the small pistol bullet by +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>which the man had met his death. Between the pauses +of his address he kept supplying himself with a lozenge. +But at last, in the very middle of a 'high-falutin' +period, he stopped. His legal chest heaved, his eyes +seemed starting from his head, and in a voice tremulous +with fright he exclaimed: "Oh! h-h!!! Gentlemen, gentlemen; +I've swallowed the bul-let!"</p> + +<p>An Irish counsel who was once asked by the judge +for whom he was "concerned," replied: "My lord, I am +retained by the defendant, and therefore I am concerned +for the plaintiff."</p> + +<p>A junior at the Bar in course of his speech began +to use a simile of "the eagle soaring high above the +mists of the earth, winning its daring flight against a +midday sun till the contemplation becomes too dazzling +for humanity, and mortal eyes gaze after it in +vain." Here the orator was noticed to falter and lose +the thread of his speech, and sat down after some vain +attempts to regain it; the judge remarking: "The next +time, sir, you bring an eagle into Court, I should recommend +you to clip its wings."</p> + +<p>Mr. Tim Healy's power of effective and stinging repartee +is probably unexcelled. He is seldom at a loss +for a retort, and there are not a few politicians and +others who regret having been foolish enough to rouse +his resentment. There is on record, however, an amusing +interlude in the passing of which Tim was discom<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>fited—crushed, +and found himself unable to "rise to +the occasion."</p> + +<p>During the hearing of a case at the Recorder's Court +in Dublin the Testament on which the witnesses were +being sworn disappeared. After a lengthy hunt for it, +counsel for the defendant noticed that Mr. Healy had +taken possession of the book, and was deeply absorbed +in its contents, and quite unconscious of the dismay its +disappearance was causing.</p> + +<p>"I think, sir," said the counsel, addressing the Recorder, +"that Mr. Healy has the Testament." Hearing +his name mentioned, Mr. Healy looked up, realised +what had occurred, and, with apologies, handed it over.</p> + +<p>"You see, sir," added the counsel, "Mr. Healy was +so interested that he did not know of our loss. He took +it for a new publication." For once Mr. Healy's nimble +wit failed him, and forced him to submit to the humiliation +of being scored off.</p> + +<p>In the North of Ireland the peasantry pronounce the +word witness "wetness." At Derry Assizes a man +said he had brought his "wetness" with him to corroborate +his evidence. "Bless me," said the judge, "about +what age are you?"—"Forty-two my last birthday, my +lord," replied the witness. "Do you mean to tell the +jury," said the judge, "that at your age you still have a +wet nurse?"—"Of course I have, my lord." Counsel +hereupon interposed and explained.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p> +<p>The witness who gave the following valuable testimony, +however, was probably keeping strictly to fact. +"I sees Phelim on the top of the wall. 'Paddy,' he says. +'What,' says I. 'Here,' says he. 'Where?' says I. +'Hush,' says he. 'Whist,' says I. And that's all."</p> + +<p>The wit of the Irish Bar seems to infect even the officers +of the Courts and the people who enter the witness-box. +It is impossible, for example, not to admire +the fine irony of the usher who, when he was told to +clear the Court, called out: "All ye blaggards that are +not lawyers lave the building."</p> + +<p>Irish judges have much greater difficulties to contend +against, because the people with whom they have +to deal have a fund of ready retort. "Sir," said an exasperated +Irish judge to a witness who refused to answer +the questions put to him—"sir, this is a contempt +of Court."—"I know it, my lord, but I was endeavouring +to concale it," was the irresistible reply.</p> + +<p>A certain Irish attorney threatening to prosecute a +printer for inserting in his paper the death of a person +still living, informed him that "No person should publish +a death unless informed of the fact by the party +deceased."</p> + +<p>A rather amusing story is told of a trial where one of +the Irish jurymen had been "got at" and bribed to secure +the jury agreeing to a verdict of "Manslaughter," +however much they might want to return one upon the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>capital charge of "Murder." The jury were out for several +hours, and it was believed that eventually the result +would be that they would not agree upon a verdict +at all. However, close upon midnight, they were starved +into one, and it was that of "Manslaughter." Next day +the particular juryman concerned received his promised +reward, and in paying it, the man who had arranged +it for him remarked: "I suppose you had a great deal of +difficulty in getting the other jurymen to agree to a +verdict of 'Manslaughter'?"—"I should just think I +did," replied the man. "I had to knock it into them, for +all the others—the whole eleven of them—wanted to +acquit him."</p> + +<p>An Irish lawyer addressed the Court as <i>Gentlemen</i> +instead of <i>Your Honours</i>. When he had concluded, a +brother lawyer pointed out his error. He immediately +rose and apologised thus: "In the heat of the debate I +called your honours gentlemen,—I made a mistake, +your honours."</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span></p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_FIVE" id="CHAPTER_FIVE"></a>CHAPTER FIVE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF SCOTLAND</h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Ye Barristers of England<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Your triumphs idle are,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Till ye can match the names that ring<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Round Caledonia's Bar.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your <i>John Doe</i> and your Richard Roe<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Are but a paltry pair:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Look at those who compose<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The flocks round Brodie's Stair,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who ruminate on Shaw and Tait<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And flock round Brodie's Stair.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">* * * * *<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"But, Barristers of England,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Come to us lovingly,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And any Scot who greets you not<br /></span> +<span class="i2">We'll send to Coventry.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Put past your brief, embark for Leith,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And when you've landed there,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Any wight with delight<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Will point out Brodie's Stair<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or lead you all through Fountainhall<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Till you enter Brodie's Stair."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Outram</span>: <i>Legal and other Lyrics</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER FIVE<br /> +THE JUDGES OF SCOTLAND</h2> + + + + +<p>From the Institution of the Court +of Session by James V of Scotland till well into the +nineteenth century, it was the custom of Scottish judges +when taking their seat on the Bench to assume a title +from an estate—it might even be from a farm—already +in their own or their family's possession. So we find +that nearly every parish in Scotland has given birth to +a judge who by this practice has made that parish or +an estate in it more or less familiar to Scottish ears. +Monboddo, near Fordoun, in Kincardineshire, at once +recalls the judge who gave "attic suppers" in his +house in St. John Street, Edinburgh, and held a theory +that all infants were born with tails like monkeys; but +under the modern practice of simply adding "Lord" +to his surname of Burnet, we doubt if his eccentric +personality would be so readily remembered. Lord +Dirleton's <i>Doubts</i>, Lord Fountainhall's <i>Historical +Observes</i>, carry a more imposing sound in their titles +than if those one-time indispensable works of reference +had been simply named Nisbet on Legal Doubts, +and Lauder on Historical Observations of Memorable +Events.</p> + +<p>The selection of a title was an important matter with +these old judges. When Lauder was raised to the +Bench, his estate to the south-east of Edinburgh was +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>called Woodhead; but it would never have done for +a Senator of the College of Justice to be known as +"Lord Woodhead," so the name of the estate was +changed to Fountainhall, and as Lord Fountainhall he +took his seat among "the Fifteen" as the full Bench +of judges was then termed.</p> + +<p>These old-time judges with their rugged ferocity, +corruption, and occasionally brave words and deeds, +in a great measure present to us now a miniature history +of Scotland in the seventeenth and eighteenth +centuries. "Show me the man, and I will show you the +law," one is reported to have said, meaning that the +litigant with the longest purse was pretty certain to +win his case in the long run. They delighted in long +arguments, and highly appreciated bewilderment in +pleadings; "Dinna be brief," cried one judge when an +advocate modestly asked to be briefly heard in a case +in which he appeared as junior counsel. But the tendency +to delay cases in the old Courts stretched beyond +all reasonable lengths and became a scandal to the +country. It was not a question of a month or even a +year. Years passed and still cases remained undecided, +some even were passed on from one generation +to another—a litigant by his will handing on his plea +in the Court to his successor along with his estate. +This protracted delay in deciding causes formed the +subject of that highly amusing and characteristic skit +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>on the Scottish judges for which Boswell was largely +responsible:<br /><br /></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">THE COURT OF SESSION GARLAND<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Part First</span><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The Bill charged on was payable at sight<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And decree was craved by Alexander Wight;<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">But, because it bore a penalty in case of failzie<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It therefore was null contended Willie Baillie.<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The Ordinary not chusing to judge it at random<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Did with the minutes make avizandum.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And as the pleadings were vague and windy<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His Lordship ordered memorials <i>hinc inde</i>.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">We setting a stout heart to a stey brae<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Took into the cause Mr. David Rae:<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Lord Auchenleck,<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> however, repelled our defence,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And over and above decerned for expence.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">However of our cause not being asham'd,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Unto the whole Lords we straightway reclaim'd;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And our petition was appointed to be seen,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Because it was drawn by Robbie Macqueen.<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The answer of Lockhart<a name="FNanchor_6_6" id="FNanchor_6_6"></a><a href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a> himself it was wrote,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And in it no argument or fact was forgot;<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span><span class="i0">He is the lawyer that from no cause will flinch,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And on this occasion divided the Bench.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Alemoor,<a name="FNanchor_7_7" id="FNanchor_7_7"></a><a href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a> the judgment as illegal blames,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'Tis equity, you bitch, replies my Lord Kames;<a name="FNanchor_8_8" id="FNanchor_8_8"></a><a href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">This cause, cries Hailes,<a name="FNanchor_9_9" id="FNanchor_9_9"></a><a href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a> to judge I can't pretend,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For Justice, I see, wants an <i>e</i> at the end.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Lord Coalston<a name="FNanchor_10_10" id="FNanchor_10_10"></a><a href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a> expressed his doubts and his fears,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Strichen<a name="FNanchor_11_11" id="FNanchor_11_11"></a><a href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> then in his weel weels and O dears;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">This cause much resembles that of M'Harg,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And should go the same way, says Lordy Barjarg.<a name="FNanchor_12_12" id="FNanchor_12_12"></a><a href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Let me tell you, my Lords, this cause is no joke;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Says with a horse laugh my Lord Elliock<a name="FNanchor_13_13" id="FNanchor_13_13"></a><a href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">To have read all the papers I pretend not to brag,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Says my Lord Gardenstone<a name="FNanchor_14_14" id="FNanchor_14_14"></a><a href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a> with a snuff and a wag.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Up rose the President,<a name="FNanchor_15_15" id="FNanchor_15_15"></a><a href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a> and an angry man was he,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To alter this judgment I never can agree;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The east wing said yes, and the west wing cried not,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And it carried ahere by my Lord's casting vote.<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">This cause being somewhat knotty and perplext,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their Lordships not knowing what they'd determine next;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And as the session was to rise so soon,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They superseded extract till the 12th of June.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> + +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Part Second</span><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Having lost it, so now we prepare for the summer,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And on the 12th of June presented a reclaimer;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But dreading a refuse, we gave Dundas<a name="FNanchor_16_16" id="FNanchor_16_16"></a><a href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a> a fee,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And though it run nigh it was carried to see.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">In order to bring aid from usage beyond,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The answers were drawn by quondam Mess John;<a name="FNanchor_17_17" id="FNanchor_17_17"></a><a href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">He united with such art our law the civil,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That the counsel, on both sides, would have seen him to the devil.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The cause being called, my Lord Justice-Clerk,<a name="FNanchor_18_18" id="FNanchor_18_18"></a><a href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a><br /></span> +<span class="i0">With all due respect, began a loud bark;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He appeal'd to his conscience, his heart, and from thence,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Concluded to alter, but give no expence.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Lord Stonefield,<a name="FNanchor_19_19" id="FNanchor_19_19"></a><a href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a> unwilling his judgment to podder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or to be precipitate agreed with his brother;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But Monboddo<a name="FNanchor_20_20" id="FNanchor_20_20"></a><a href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a> was clear the bill to enforce,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Because, he observed, 'twas the price of a horse.<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Says Pitfour<a name="FNanchor_21_21" id="FNanchor_21_21"></a><a href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a> with a wink and his hat all agee,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I remember a case in the year twenty-three,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The magistrates of Banff contra Robert Carr,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I remember well, I was then at the Bar.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Likewise, my Lords, in the case of Peter Caw,<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Superflua non nocent</i> was found to be law:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Lord Kennet<a name="FNanchor_22_22" id="FNanchor_22_22"></a><a href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a> also quoted the case of one Lithgow<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Where a penalty in a bill was held <i>pro non scripto</i>.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Lord President brought his chair to the plum,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Laid hold of the bench and brought forward his bum;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In these answers, my Lords, some freedoms have been used,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Which I could point out, provided I chus'd.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I was for this interlocutor, my Lords, I admit,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But am open to conviction as long's I here do sit;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To oppose your precedents I quote you some clauses,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But Tait<a name="FNanchor_23_23" id="FNanchor_23_23"></a><a href="#Footnote_23_23" class="fnanchor">[23]</a> <i>a priori</i> hurried up the causes.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">He prov'd it as clear as the sun in the sky<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That the maxims of law could not here apply,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That the writing in question was neither bill nor band<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But something unknown in the law of the land.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The question adhere or alter being put,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It carried to alter by a casting vote:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Baillie then mov'd.—In the bill there's a raze,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But by that time their Lordships had called a new case.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +</div></div> +</div> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Wight: a well-known advocate of the period.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Baillie: Lord Palkemmet.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> Afterwards Lord Eskgrove.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> The father of James Boswell.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> Afterwards Lord Braxfield.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" id="Footnote_6_6"></a><a href="#FNanchor_6_6"><span class="label">[6]</span></a> Lord Covington.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" id="Footnote_7_7"></a><a href="#FNanchor_7_7"><span class="label">[7]</span></a> Andrew Pringle.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" id="Footnote_8_8"></a><a href="#FNanchor_8_8"><span class="label">[8]</span></a> Henry Home, who was notorious for the use of the epithet in +the text.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" id="Footnote_9_9"></a><a href="#FNanchor_9_9"><span class="label">[9]</span></a> Sir David Dalrymple, author of the <i>Annals of Scotland</i>.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" id="Footnote_10_10"></a><a href="#FNanchor_10_10"><span class="label">[10]</span></a> George Brown of Coalston.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" id="Footnote_11_11"></a><a href="#FNanchor_11_11"><span class="label">[11]</span></a> Alexander Fraser of Strichen.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" id="Footnote_12_12"></a><a href="#FNanchor_12_12"><span class="label">[12]</span></a> James Erskine, who changed his title to Lord Alva.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" id="Footnote_13_13"></a><a href="#FNanchor_13_13"><span class="label">[13]</span></a> James Veitch.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" id="Footnote_14_14"></a><a href="#FNanchor_14_14"><span class="label">[14]</span></a> Francis Garden, who founded the town of Laurencekirk in +Kincardineshire.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" id="Footnote_15_15"></a><a href="#FNanchor_15_15"><span class="label">[15]</span></a> Robert Dundas, first Lord President of that name.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" id="Footnote_16_16"></a><a href="#FNanchor_16_16"><span class="label">[16]</span></a> Henry, first Viscount Melville, the friend of Pitt.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" id="Footnote_17_17"></a><a href="#FNanchor_17_17"><span class="label">[17]</span></a> A nickname for John Erskine of Carnoch.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" id="Footnote_18_18"></a><a href="#FNanchor_18_18"><span class="label">[18]</span></a> Sir Thomas Miller of Glenlee.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" id="Footnote_19_19"></a><a href="#FNanchor_19_19"><span class="label">[19]</span></a> John Campbell, raised to the Bench in 1796.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" id="Footnote_20_20"></a><a href="#FNanchor_20_20"><span class="label">[20]</span></a> Jas. Burnet of Monboddo, who had a theory that human beings +were born with tails.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" id="Footnote_21_21"></a><a href="#FNanchor_21_21"><span class="label">[21]</span></a> James Ferguson of Pitfour. Owing to weak eyesight he wore his +hat on the Bench.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" id="Footnote_22_22"></a><a href="#FNanchor_22_22"><span class="label">[22]</span></a> Robert Bruce of Kennet.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_23_23" id="Footnote_23_23"></a><a href="#FNanchor_23_23"><span class="label">[23]</span></a> Clerk of Session.</p></div></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> + +<p><br />It was the first Lord Meadowbank, who wearying of +the dry statement of a case made by Mr. Thomas W. +Blair, broke in with the remark: "Declaim, sir! why +don't you declaim? Speak to me as if I were a popular +assembly."</p> + +<p>In the reign of Queen Anne there was an old Scottish +judge—Lord Dun—who was particularly distinguished +for his piety. Thomas Coutts, the founder of +the bank now so well known, used to relate of him that +when a difficult case came before him, as Lord Ordinary, +he used to say, "Eh, Lord, what am I to do? Eh, +sirs, I wish you would make it up!" Of another judge +of much the same period, also noted for his strict observance +of religious ordinances; but who, at the same +time, did not allow these to interfere with his social +habits, it is related that every Saturday evening he had +with him his niece, who afterwards married a more +famous Scottish judge, Andrew Fletcher, Lord Milton, +Charles Ross who made himself prominent in the "45" +Rebellion, and David Reid, his clerk. The judge had +what was, and in some parts of Scotland still is, known +as "the exercise," which consisted of the reading of a +chapter from the Bible, and his form of announcing the +evening devotions was: "Betsy (his niece), ye hae a +sweet voice, lift ye up a psalm; Charles, ye hae a gey +strong voice, read the chapter; and David, fire ye the +plate." Firing the plate consisted of a dish of brandy +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>prepared for the company, of which David took charge, +and while the first part of the proceedings were in +progress David lighted the brandy, which when he +thought it burnt to his master's taste he blew out, and +this was the signal for the others to stop, while the +whole company partook of the burnt brandy. This same +judge—Lord Forglen—was walking one day with Lord +Newhall, in the latter's grounds. Lord Newhall was +a grave and austere man, while, as may be gathered, +Lord Forglen was a medley of curious elements. As +they passed a picturesque bend of a river Lord Forglen +exclaimed: "Now, my lord, this is a fine walk. If +ye want to pray to God, can there be a better place? +If ye want to kiss a bonny lass, can there be a better +place?"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="lord_eskgrove" id="lord_eskgrove"></a> +<img src="images/lord_eskgrove.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="SIR DAVID RAE, LORD ESKGROVE." title="" /> +<span class="caption">SIR DAVID RAE, LORD ESKGROVE.</span> +</div> + +<p>Sir David Rae (Lord Eskgrove), Lord Justice-Clerk +of Scotland, has been described as a ludicrous person +about whom people seemed to have nothing else to do +but tell stories. Sir Walter Scott imitated perfectly +his slow manner of speech and peculiar pronunciation, +which always put an accent on the last syllable of a +word, and the letter "g" when at the end of a word got +its full value. When a knot of young advocates was +seen standing round the fireplace of the Parliament +Hall listening to a low muttering voice, and the party +suddenly broke up in roars of laughter, it was pretty +certain to be a select company to whom Sir Walter had +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>been retailing one of the latest stories of Lord Eskgrove.</p> + +<p>He was a man of much self-importance, which comes +out in his remarks to a young lady of great beauty who +was called as a witness in the trial of Glengarry for +murder. "Young woman, you will now consider yourself +as in the presence of Almighty God, and of this +Court; lift up your veil, throw off all modesty, and look +<i>me</i> in the face."</p> + +<p>Sir John Henderson of Fordell, a zealous Whig, had +long nauseated the Scottish Civil Courts by his burgh +politics. Their lordships of the Bench had once to fix +the amount of some discretionary penalty that he had +incurred. Lord Eskgrove began to give his opinion in +a very low voice, but loud enough to be heard by those +next him, to the effect that the fine ought to be £50, +when Sir John, with his usual imprudence, interrupted +him and begged him to raise his voice, adding +that if judges did not speak so as to be heard they +might as well not speak at all. Lord Eskgrove, who +could never endure any imputation of bodily infirmity, +asked his neighbour, "What does the fellow say?"—"He +says, that if you don't speak out, you may as +well hold your tongue."—"Oh, is that what he says? +My lords, what I was saying was very simpell; I was +only sayingg, that in my humbell opinyon this fine +could not be less than £250 sterlingg"—this sum being +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>roared out as loudly as his old angry voice could +launch it.</p> + +<p>A common saying of his to juries was: "And now, +gentle-men, having shown you that the panell's argument +is impossibill, I shall now proceed to show you +that it is extremely improbabill."</p> + +<p>In condemning some persons to death for breaking +into Sir John Colquhoun's house and assaulting him +and others, as well as robbing them, Eskgrove, after +enumerating minutely the details of their crime, closed +his address to the prisoners with this climax: "All this +you did; and God preserve us! juist when they were +sitten doon tae their denner."</p> + +<p>When condemning a tailor convicted of stabbing a +soldier, the offence was aggravated in Lord Eskgrove's +eyes by the fact that "not only did you murder him, +whereby he was berea-ved of his life, but you did +thrust, or push, or pierce, or project, or propell, the +le-thall weapon through the belly-band of his regimental +breeches, which were his Majesty's."</p> + +<p>One of the most biting of caustic jests made by a +judge of the old Court of Session of Scotland, before its +reconstruction at the beginning of the nineteenth century, +was uttered during the hearing of a claim to a peerage. +The claimant was obviously resting his case upon +forged documents, and the judge suddenly remarked in +the broad dialect of the time, "If ye persevere ye'll nae +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> +doot be a peer, but it will be a peer o' anither tree!" +The claimant did not appreciate this idea of being +grafted, and abandoned the case.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>To return to the stories of the earlier period of the +eighteenth century, there is one told of Lord Halkerston. +He was waited on by a tenant, who with a woeful +countenance informed his lordship that one of his +cows had gored a cow belonging to the judge, and he +feared the injured animal could not live. "Well, then, +of course you must pay for it," said his lordship. "Indeed, +my lord, it was not my fault, and you know I am +but a very poor man."—"I can't help that. The law +says you must pay for it. I am not to lose my cow, am +I?"—"Well, my lord, if it must be so, I cannot say +more. But I forgot what I was saying. It was my mistake +entirely. I should have said that it was your lordship's +cow that gored mine."—"Oh, is that it? That's +quite a different affair. Go along, and don't trouble me +just now. I am very busy. Be off, I say!"</p> + +<p>And there is one of the testy old Lord Polkemmet +when he interrupted Mr. James Ferguson, afterwards +Lord Kilkerran, whose energy in enforcing a point in +his address to the Bench took the form of beating violently +on the table: "Maister Jemmy, dinna dunt; ye +may think ye're dunting it <i>intill me</i>, but ye're juist +<i>dunting it oot o' me</i>, man."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> +<p>He was reputed to be dull, and rarely decided a case +upon the first hearing. On one occasion, after having +heard counsel, among whom was the Hon. Henry +Erskine, John Clerk, and others, in a cause of no great +difficulty, he addressed the Bar: "Well, Maister Erskine, +I heard you, and I thocht ye were richt; syne I heard +you, Dauvid, and I thocht ye were richt; and noo I hae +heard Maister Clerk, and I think he's richtest amang ye +a'. That bauthers me, ye see! Sae I man een tak' hame +the process an' wimble-wamble it i' ma wame a wee +ower ma toddy, and syne ye'se hae ma interlocutor."</p> + +<p>"The Fifteen," as the full Bench of the old Court of +Session of Scotland was popularly called, were deliberating +on a bill of suspension and interdict relative to +certain caravans with wild beasts on the then vacant +ground which formed the beginning of the new communication +with the new Town of Edinburgh spreading +westwards and the Lawnmarket—now known as the +Mound. In the course of the proceedings Lord Bannatyne +fell fast asleep. The case was disposed of and the +next called, which related to a right of lien over certain +goods. The learned lord who continued dozing having +heard the word "lien" pronounced with an emphatic +accent by Lord Meadowbank, raised the following +discussion:</p> + +<p>Meadowbank: "I am very clear that there was a lien +on this property."</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span></p><p>Bannatyne: "Certain; but it ought to be chained, +because——"</p> + +<p>Balmuto: "My lord, it's no a livin' lion, it's the Latin +word for lien" (leen).</p> + +<p>Hermand: "No, sir; the word is French."</p> + +<p>Balmuto: "I thought it was Latin, for it's in italics."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 289px;"> +<a name="lord_kames" id="lord_kames"></a> +<img src="images/lord_kames.jpg" width="289" height="390" alt="HENRY HOME, LORD KAMES." title="" /> +<span class="caption">HENRY HOME, LORD KAMES.</span> +</div> + +<p>Henry Home (Lord Kames) was at once one of the +most enlightened and learned of Scottish judges of the +latter half of the eighteenth century, and one of the most +eccentric. His <i>History of Mankind</i> brought him into +correspondence with most of the famous men and +women of his day, and yet it was his delight to walk +up the Canongate and High Street with a half-witted +creature who made it his business to collect all the gossip +of the town and retail it to his lordship as he made +his way to Court in the morning. His humour was very +sarcastic, and nothing delighted him more than to observe +that it cut home. Leaving the Court one day +shortly before his death he met James Boswell, and +accosted him with, "Well, Boswell, I shall be meeting +your old father one of these days, what shall I say to +him how you are getting on now?" Boswell disdained +to reply. After a witness in a capital trial at Perth Circuit +concluded his evidence, Lord Kames said to him, +"Sir, I have one question more to ask you, and remember +you are on your oath. You say you are from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>Brechin?"—"Yes, my lord."—"When do you return +thither?"—"To-morrow, my lord."—"Do you know +Colin Gillies?"—"Yes, my lord; I know him very well."—"Then +tell him that I shall breakfast with him on +Tuesday morning."</p> + +<p>Lord Kames used to relate a story of a man who +claimed the honour of his acquaintance on rather singular +grounds. His lordship, when one of the justiciary +judges, returning from the North Circuit to Perth, +happened one night to sleep at Dunkeld. The next +morning, walking towards the ferry, but apprehending +he had missed his way, he asked a man whom he met +to conduct him. The other answered, with much cordiality, +"That I will do with all my heart, my lord. Does +not your lordship remember me? My name's John ——. I +have had the <i>honour</i> to be before your lordship +for stealing sheep!"—"Oh, John, I remember you well; +and how is your wife? She had the honour to be before +me too, for receiving them, knowing them to be stolen."—"At +your lordship's service. We were very lucky; +we got off for want of evidence; and I am still going on +in the butcher trade."—"Then," replied his lordship, +"we may have the honour of meeting again."</p> + +<p>Once when on Circuit his lordship had been dozing +on the bench, a noise created by the entrance of a +new panel woke him, and he inquired what the matter +was. "Oh, it's a woman, my lord, accused of child +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>murder."—"And a weel farred b—h too," muttered +his lordship, loud enough to be heard by those present.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 307px;"> +<a name="lord_eldin" id="lord_eldin"></a> +<img src="images/lord_eldin.jpg" width="307" height="390" alt="JOHN CLERK, LORD ELDIN." title="" /> +<span class="caption">JOHN CLERK, LORD ELDIN.</span> +</div> + +<p>John Clerk (Lord Eldin) was one of the best-known +advocates at the Scottish Bar in the first quarter of the +nineteenth century, and probably the last of them to +retain the old Scots style of pronunciation. His voice +was loud and his manner brow-beating, from which the +Bench suffered equally with his brother members of +the Bar. He suffered from a lameness in one leg, which +was made the subject of a passing remark by two +young women in the High Street of Edinburgh one +day as Clerk was making his way to Court. "There +goes John Clerk the lame lawyer," said one to the +other. Clerk overheard the remark, and turning back +addressed the speaker: "The lame man, my good woman, +not the lame lawyer."</p> + +<p>The stories of his advocate days are numerous, and +many of them probably well known. In his retention +of old Scots pronunciation he got the better of Lord +Eldon when pleading before the House of Lords one +day. "That's the whole thing in plain English, ma +lords," he said. "In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr. Clerk."—"Nae +maitter, in plain common sense, ma lords, and +that's the same in a' languages." On another occasion +before the same tribunal he had frequently referred to +water, pronouncing it "watter," when he was interrupt<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>ed +by the inquiry, "Do you spell water with two t's in +the north, Mr. Clerk?"—"No, my lord, but we spell +mainners wi' twa n's." And there is the well-known +one of his use of the word "enough," which in old Scots +was pronounced "enow." His repetition of the word +in the latter form drew from the Lord Chancellor the +remark that at the English Courts the word was +pronounced "enough." "Very well, my lord," replied +Clerk, and he proceeded with his address till coming +to describe his client, who was a ploughman, and his +client's claim, he went on: "My lords, my client is a +pluffman, who pluffs a pluff gang o' land in the parish +of," &c. "Oh! just go on with your own pronunciation, +Mr. Clerk," remarked the Lord Chancellor.</p> + +<p>His encounters with members of the Scottish Bench +were of a more personal character. Indeed, for years he +appears to have held most of them in unfeigned contempt. +A junior counsel on hearing their lordships +give judgment against his client exclaimed that he was +surprised at such a decision. This was construed into +contempt of Court, and he was ordered to attend at +the Bar next morning. Fearing the consequences of +his rash remark, he consulted John Clerk, who offered +to apologise for him in a way that would avert any unpleasant +result. Accordingly, when the name of the +delinquent was called, John Clerk rose and addressed +the Bench: "I am sorry, my lords, that my young +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span>friend so far forgot himself as to treat your lordships +with disrespect. He is extremely penitent, and you +will kindly ascribe his unintentional insult to his ignorance. +You will see at once that it did not originate +in that: he said he was surprised at the decision of your +lordships. Now, if he had not been very ignorant of +what takes place in this Court every day; had he known +your lordships but half so long as I have done, he +would not be surprised at anything you did."</p> + +<p>Two judges, father and son, sat on the Scottish +Bench, in succession, under the title of Lord Meadowbank. +The second Lord Meadowbank was by no means +such a powerful judge as his father. In his Court, Clerk +was pressing his construction of some words in a conveyance, +and contrasting the use of the word "also" +with the use of the word "likewise."</p> + +<p>"Surely, Mr. Clerk," said his lordship, "you cannot +seriously argue that 'also' means anything different +from 'likewise'! They mean precisely the same thing; +and it matters not which of them is preferred."—"Not +at all, my lord; there is all the difference in the world +between these two words. Let us take an instance: +your worthy father was a judge on that Bench; your +lordship is 'also' a judge on the same Bench; but it +does not follow that you are a judge 'like wise.'"</p> + +<p>When Meadowbank was about to be raised to the +Bench he consulted John Clerk about the title he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>should adopt. Clerk's suggestion was "Lord Preserve +Us." The legal acquirements of James Wolfe Murray +were not held in high esteem by his brethren of the +Bar, and when he became a judge with the title of +Lord Cringletie, Clerk wrote the following clever epigram:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Necessity and Cringletie<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Are fitted to a tittle;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Necessity has nae law,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And Cringletie as little."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>The only man on the Bench for whom John Clerk +retained a respectfulness not generally exhibited to +others in that position was Lord President Blair. After +hearing the President overturn without any effort an +argument he had laboriously built up, and which appeared +to be regarded as unsurmountable by the audience +who heard it, Clerk sat still for a few moments, +then as he rose to leave the Court he was heard to say: +"My man, God Almighty spared nae pains when He +made your brains."</p> + +<p>When he ascended the Bench in his sixty-fifth year, +and when his physical powers were declining, he received +the congratulations of his brother judges, one +of whom expressed surprise that he had waited so long +for the distinction. "Well, you see, I did not get 'doited' +just as soon as the rest of you," replied the new-made +judge.</p> + +<p>Like the generation preceding his, Clerk was of a +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>very convivial disposition. Of him the story is told that +one Sunday morning, while people were making their +way to church, he appeared at his door in York Place +in his dressing-gown and cowl, with a lighted candle +in his hand, showing out two friends who had been carousing +with him, and in the firm belief that it was +about midnight instead of next mid-day. At the termination +of a Bannatyne Club dinner, where wit and +wine had contended for the mastery, the excited judge +on the way to his carriage tumbled downstairs and, +<i>miserabile dictu</i>, broke his nose, an accident which +compelled him to confine himself to the house for some +time. He reappeared, however, with a large patch on +his olfactory member, which gave a most ludicrous expression +to his face. On someone inquiring how this +happened, he said it was the effect of his studies. +"Studies!" ejaculated the inquirer. "Yes," growled +the judge; "ye've heard, nae doot, about <i>Coke upon +Littleton</i>, but I suppose you never before heard of +<i>Clerk upon Stair</i>!"</p> + +<p>When asked by a friend what was the difference +between him and Lord Eldon, the Lord Chancellor of +England, Eldin replied; "Oh, there's only an 'i' of a +difference."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 285px;"> +<a name="lord_newton" id="lord_newton"></a> +<img src="images/lord_newton.jpg" width="285" height="390" alt="CHARLES HAY, LORD NEWTON." title="" /> +<span class="caption">CHARLES HAY, LORD NEWTON.</span> +</div> + +<p>Charles Hay (Lord Newton), known in private life +as "The Mighty," has been described by Lord Cock<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>burn +as "famous for law, paunch, whist, claret, and +worth." His indulgence in wine and his great bulk +made him slumbrous, and when sitting in Court after +getting the gist of a case he almost invariably fell fast +asleep. Yet it is strange to find it recorded that whenever +anything pertinent to the matter under discussion +was said he was immediately wide awake and in full +possession of his reasoning faculties. While a very +zealous but inexperienced counsel was pleading before +him, his lordship had been dozing, as usual, for +some time, till at last the young man, supposing him +asleep, and confident of a favourable judgment in his +case, stopped short in his pleading and, addressing +the other judges on the Bench, said: "My lords, it is +unnecessary that I should go on, as Lord Newton is +fast asleep."—"Ay, ay," cried Lord Newton, "you will +have proof of that by and by"—when, to the astonishment +of the young advocate, after a most luminous +view of the case, he gave a very decided and elaborate +judgment against him.</p> + +<p>Lord Jeffrey himself declared that he only went to +Oxford to improve his accent, and according to some +of the older members of the Bar of his days, he only +lost his Scots accent and did not learn the English. A +story of his early days at the Bar is related to the +effect that when pleading before Lord Newton the +judge stopped him and asked in broad Scots, "Whaur +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span>were ye educat', Maister Jawfrey."—"Oxford, my +lord."—"Then I doot ye maun gang back there again, +for we can mak' nocht o' ye here." But Mr. Jeffrey +got back his own. For, before the same judge, happening +to speak of an "itinerant violinist," Lord Newton +inquired: "D'ye mean a blin' fiddler?"—"Vulgarly so +called, my lord," was the reply.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 293px;"> +<a name="lord_cockburn" id="lord_cockburn"></a> +<img src="images/lord_cockburn.jpg" width="293" height="390" alt="HENRY COCKBURN, LORD COCKBURN." title="" /> +<span class="caption">HENRY COCKBURN, LORD COCKBURN.</span> +</div> + +<p>Circuit Courts were in Scotland, in the eighteenth +and early years of the nineteenth century (as in England +and Ireland), occasions for a great display in the +county towns in which they were held. Whether the +judges had arrived on horseback or as later in their +private carriages, there was always the procession to +the court-house, in which the notabilities of the district +took part. Lord Cockburn, who had no sympathy with +this part of a judge's duties, thus describes one of his +experiences in the early days of his Circuit journeys: +"Yet there are some of us who like the procession, +though it can never be anything but mean and ludicrous, +and who fancy that a line of soldiers, or the more +civic array of paltry policemen, or of doited special constables, +protecting a couple of judges who flounder in +awkward gowns and wigs through ill-paved streets, +followed by a few sneering advocates and preceded +by two or three sheriffs or their substitutes, with their +swords, which trip them, and a provost and some +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>bailie-bodies trying to look grand, the whole defended +by a poor iron mace, and advancing each with a different +step, to the sound of two cracked trumpets, ill-blown +by a couple of drunken royal trumpeters, the +spectators all laughing, who fancy that all this pretence +of greatness and reality of littleness contributes +to the dignity of judges." Things are changed now. +Even Lord Cockburn saw the change that the introduction +of railways made in the progress of Circuit +work, and with them a lesser display and more dignified +opening of the courts of justice in local towns. +But the older Circuits were times of much feasting and +merriment, in which the judges of that period took their +full share as well as the members of the Bar accompanying +them. In the eyes of some of these old worthies +it was part of the dignity of their position to sit +down after Court work at two o'clock in the morning to +a collation of salmon and roast beef, and drink bumpers +of claret and mulled port with the provosts and +other local worthies, although they were due in Court +that same morning at nine to try some miserable creature +for a serious crime. Lord Pitmilly had no stomach +for such proceedings, his inclination was stronger for +decorum and law than for revelling. Once at a Circuit +town he ordered his servant to bring to his room a +kettle of hot water. Lord Hermand on his way to dinner +at midnight, meeting the servant, said, "God bless +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>me, is he going to make a whole kettle of punch—and +before supper too?"—"No, my lord, he's going to bed, +but he wants to bathe his feet."—"Feet, sir! what ails +his feet? Tell him to put some rum among it, and to +give it all to his stomach."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The Circuit sermon was an important part of the +duties to which the judges had to attend in the course +of their visits in the country. One of these that Lord +Cockburn had to listen to was delivered from the text, +"What are these that are arrayed in white robes, and +whence came they?" There was nothing personal intended, +but the ermine on the judges gowns naturally +attracted significant glances from the other members +of the congregation. A Glasgow clergyman and friend +of the judge, not knowing that his lordship was present +in his church, preached from the text, "There was +in a city a judge which feared not God, neither regarded +man." The announcement of the text directed all eyes +towards the learned judge, which attracting the preacher's +attention nearly prevented him from proceeding +further with the service. The judge was the pious +Lord Moncreiff, the son of the Rev. Sir Henry Wellwood +Moncreiff, and the text stuck to him ever afterwards. +But there seemed to have been deliberation in +selection of the text made by a south-country minister +who, before Lord Justice Boyle and Samuel M'Cor<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>mick, +Advocate-Depute, preached from I Samuel vii. +16, "And Samuel went from year to year in circuit to +Bethel, and Gilgal, and Mizpeh." The two legal gentlemen +took offence at this audacious attempt to ridicule +the Court, they identifying the places mentioned in the +text as representing their circuit towns of Jedburgh, +Dumfries, and Ayr. In this connection maybe told the +story of Lord Hermand, beside whom stood the clergyman +whose duty it was to offer up the opening prayer +before the work of the Court began. He seemed to +think the company had assembled for no other purpose +than to hear him perform, and after praying loud and +long his lordship's patience gave way, and with a decided +jog of his elbow he exclaimed in a stage whisper, +"We've a lot of business to do, sir."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>From a somewhat rare volume printed for private +circulation we are permitted to quote the following +ballad, the authorship of which may be easily guessed, +as the circuiteer who mourns the loss of his Circuit +days may be as easily identified.</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">THE EX-CIRCUITEER'S LAMENT<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Ae morning at the dawning<br /></span> +<span class="i2">I saw a Counsel yawning,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And heard him say, in accents that were anything but gay,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">As sadly he was grinding<br /></span> +<span class="i2">At a meikle multiplepoinding,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae banter frae Lord Deas,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae promises o' fees<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That never will be paid afore the judgment-day,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae lies dubbed "information,"<br /></span> +<span class="i2">From the worst rogues in the nation,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae haveral wutty witness,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Displaying his unfitness,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Tae see some sma' distinction 'tween a trial and a play,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae witness primed at lunch<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wi' perjuries and punch,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae laughing-gas orations,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae treading on the patience<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of Judges and of Juries, who will let you say your say,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Yet pay but sma' attention<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To the gems of your invention,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae mair delightful wondering<br /></span> +<span class="i2">At a new man blandly blundering,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nae kind hints from the Court that he's gangin far astray,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae flowery depictions<br /></span> +<span class="i2">In the teeth of ten convictions,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae whacking ten years' sentence,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wi' advices o' repentance,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And learn in years of leisure to admire the "law's delay."<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae fell female fury,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Blackguarding Judge and Jury,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nay grey auld woman sobbing,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae mair you'll catch her robbing,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And a' the Christian virtues henceforth she will display,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">If the Judge will but have mercy<br /></span> +<span class="i2">(For the sixteenth time I daresay),—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae processions, nae pageants,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae pawky country agents,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nae macers, nae trumpeters, wi' tipsy blare and bray,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae Councillors or Bailie,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Or Provost smiling gaily,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae funny cross-examining,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae jurymen begammoning,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nae laughter from the audience, nae gallery's hurrah,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae fleeching for acquittal,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Though you don't care a spittle,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae playing <i>hocus-pocus</i><br /></span> +<span class="i2">With the <i>tempus</i> and the <i>locus</i>,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nae pleas in mitigation (a kittle job are they),<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae bonny rapes and reivings,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae forgeries and thievings,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae dinners wi' the Judges,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae drooning a' your grudges<br /></span> +<span class="i0">In deep, deep draughts o' claret, and a' your senses tae,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae chatter wise or witty<br /></span> +<span class="i2">On ticklish points o' dittay,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The days o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Nae high-jinks after dinner<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Wi' ony madcap sinner,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Nae drinking whisky-toddy until the break o' day,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Nae speeches till a hiccup<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Compels a sudden stick-up,—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The nichts o' my Circuits are a' fled away.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>Lord Hermand's manner on the Bench conveyed the +impression that he was of an impatient, almost savage +temper, but in his domestic circle he was one of the +warmest-hearted of men, and one with the simplest +of tastes. His outbursts on the Bench, too, were emphasised +by what, in Scotland, was called "Birr"—the +emphatic energy of his pronunciation—which may be +imagined but cannot be transcribed in the following +dialogue between him and Lord Meadowbank.</p> + +<p>Meadowbank: "We are bound to give judgment in +terms of the statute, my lords."</p> + +<p>Hermand: "A statute! What's a statute? Words—mere +words. And am <i>I</i> to be tied down by words? No, +my laards; I go by the law of right reason."</p> + +<p>He was a great friend of John Scott (Lord Eldon). +In a case appealed to the House of Lords, Scott had +taken the trouble to write out his speech, and read it +over to Hermand, inviting his opinion of it. "It is delightful—absolutely +delightful. I could listen to it for +ever," said Hermand. "It is so beautifully written, +and so beautifully read. But, sir, it's the greatest non<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>sense! +It may do very well for an English Chancellor, +but it would disgrace a clerk with us." The blunder +that drew forth this criticism was a gross one for a +Scottish lawyer, but one an English barrister might +readily fall into.</p> + +<p>It was put forward in mitigation of the crime that +the prisoner was in liquor when, either rashly or accidentally, +he stabbed his friend. While the other +judges were in favour of a short sentence, Lord Hermand—who +had no sympathy with a man who could +not carry his liquor—was vehement for transportation: +"We are told that there was no malice, and that +the prisoner must have been in liquor. In liquor! +Why, he was drunk!... And yet he murdered the +very man who had been drinking with him! Good +God, my laards, if he will do this when he is drunk, +what will he not do when he is sober?"</p> + +<p>On one of Lord Hermand's circuits a wag put a +musical-box, which played "Jack Alive," on one of the +seats of the Court. The music struck the audience with +consternation, and the judge stared in the air, looking +unutterable things, and frantically called out, "Macer, +what in the name of God is that?" The macer looked +round in vain, when the wag called out, "It's 'Jack +Alive,' my lord."—"Dead or alive, put him out this +moment," called out the judge. "We can't grip him, +my lord."—"If he has the art of hell, let every man as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>sist +to arraign him before me, that I may commit him +for this outrage and contempt." Everybody tried to +discover the offender, and fortunately the music ceased. +But it began again half an hour afterwards, and +the judge exclaimed, "Is he there again? By all that's +sacred, he shall not escape me this time—fence, bolt, +bar the doors of the Court, and at your peril let not a +man, living or dead, escape." All was bustle and confusion, +the officers looked east and west, and up in the +air and down on the floor; but the search was in vain. +The judge at last began to suspect witchcraft, and +exclaimed, "This is a <i>deceptio auris</i>—it is absolute +delusion, necromancy, phantasmagoria." And to the +day of his death the judge never understood the precise +origin of this unwonted visitation.</p> + +<p>On another occasion, in his own Court in the Parliament +House, he was annoyed by a noise near the +door, and called to the macer, "What is that noise?"—"It's +a man, my lord."—"What does he want?"—"He +<i>wants in</i>, my lord."—"Keep him out!" The man, it +seems, did get in, and soon afterwards a like noise was +renewed, and his lordship again demanded, "What's +the noise there?"—"It's the same man, my lord."—"What +does he want now?"—"He <i>wants out</i>, my +lord."—"Then <i>keep him in</i>—I say, <i>keep him in</i>!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Lord President Campbell, after the fashion of those +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span>times, was somewhat addicted to browbeating young +counsel; and as bearding a judge on the Bench is not +a likely way to rise in favour, his lordship generally +got it all his own way. Upon one occasion, however, +he caught a tartar. His lordship had what are termed +pig's eyes, and his voice was thin and weak. Corbet, a +bold and sarcastic counsel in his younger days, had +been pleading before the Inner House, and as usual +the President commenced his attack, when his intended +victim thus addressed him: "My lord, it is not for +me to enter into any altercation with your lordship, +for no one knows better than I do the great difference +between us; you occupy the highest place on the +Bench, and I the lowest at the Bar; and then, my lord, +I have not your lordship's voice of thunder—I have +not your lordship's rolling eye of command."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 290px;"> +<a name="lord_braxfield" id="lord_braxfield"></a> +<img src="images/lord_braxfield.jpg" width="290" height="390" alt="ROBERT MACQUEEN, LORD BRAXFIELD." title="" /> +<span class="caption">ROBERT MACQUEEN, LORD BRAXFIELD.</span> +</div> + +<p>Robert Macqueen (Lord Braxfield), the prototype of +Stevenson's "Weir of Hermiston," was known as the +"hanging judge"—the Judge Jeffreys of Scotland; but +he was a sound judge. He argued a point in a colloquial +style, asking a question, and himself supplying +the answer in his clear, abrupt manner. But he was illiterate, +and without the least desire for refined enjoyment, +holding in disdain natures less coarse than his +own; he shocked the feelings of those even of an age +which had less decorum than prevailed in that which +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>succeeded, and would not be tolerated by the working +classes of to-day. Playing whist with a lady, he exclaimed, +"What are ye doin', ye damned auld ...," +and then recollecting himself, "Your pardon's begged, +madam; I took ye for my wife." When his butler gave +up his place because his lordship's wife was always +scolding him: "Lord," he exclaimed, "ye've little to +complain o'; ye may be thankfu' ye're no mairred to +her."</p> + +<p>His most notorious sayings from the Bench were +uttered during the trials for sedition towards the end +of the eighteenth century, and even some of these are +too coarse for repetition. "Ye're a very clever chiel," +he said to one of the prisoners; "but ye wad be nane +the waur o' a hangin'." And to a juror arriving late in +Court he said, "Come awa, Maister Horner, come awa +and help us to hang ane o' they damned scoondrels." +Hanging was his term for all kinds of punishment.</p> + +<p>To Margarot, a Baptist minister of Dundee—another +of the political prisoners of that time—he said, +"Hae ye ony coonsel, man?"—"No," replied Margarot. +"Dae ye want tae hae ony appointed?" continued +the Justice-Clerk. "No," replied the prisoner, "I only +want an interpreter to make me understand what your +lordship says."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>We have already referred to Lord Moncreiff's piety, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>and to it must be added his great simplicity of nature. +Like many of his predecessors, he had a habit of +making long speeches to prisoners on their conviction; +but his intention was to help them to a better mode of +life, not to aggravate their feelings by silly or coarse +remarks. This habit, however, led him occasionally +into enunciating principles which rather astonished +his friends. In a murder case he found that the woman +killed was not the wife of the prisoner but his mistress, +which led his lordship to explain to the prisoner that it +might have been some apology for his crime had the +woman been his wife, because there was difficulty in +getting rid of her any other way. But the victim being +only his associate he could have left her at any time, +and consequently there were absolutely no ameliorating +circumstances in the case. From this point of view +it would seem to have been (in Lord Moncreiff's eyes) +less criminal to murder a wife than a mistress. In +another, a bigamy case, after referring to the perfidy +and cruelty to the women and their relations, Lord +Cockburn reports him to have said: "All this is bad; +but your true iniquity consists in this, that you degraded +that holy ceremony which our blessed Saviour +<i>condescended</i> to select as the type of the connection between +him and His redeemed Church."</p> + +<p>In the Court of Session, the judges who do not attend +or give a proper excuse for their absence are (or +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>were) liable to a fine. This, however, is never enforced: +but it is customary on the first day of the session for +the absentee to send an excuse to the Lord President. +Lord Stonefield having sent an excuse, and the Lord +President mentioning that he had done so, the Lord +Justice-Clerk said: "What excuse can a stout fellow +like him hae?"—"My lord," said the President, "he +has lost his wife." To which the Justice-Clerk replied: +"Has he? That is a gude excuse indeed, I wish we +had a' the same."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Lord Cockburn's looks, tones, language, and manner +were always such as to make one think that he believed +every word he said. On one occasion, before he +was raised to the Bench, when defending a murderer, +although he failed to convince the judge and jurymen +of the innocence of his client, yet he convinced the +murderer himself that he was innocent. Sentence of +death was pronounced, and the day of execution fixed +for the 3rd of March. As Lord Cockburn was passing +the condemned man, the latter seized him by the gown, +saying: "I have not got justice!" To this the advocate +coolly replied: "Perhaps not; but you'll get it on the +3rd of March."</p> + +<p>Cockburn's racy humour displayed itself in another +serious case; one in which a farm-servant was charged +with maiming his master's cattle by cutting off their +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>tails. A consultation was held on the question of the +man's mental condition at which the farmer was present, +and at the close of it some conversation took place +about the disposal of the cattle. Turning to the farmer +Cockburn said that they might be sold, but that he +would have to dispose of them wholesale for he could +not now <i>retail</i> them.</p> + +<p>He was walking on the hillside on his estate of Bonaly, +near Edinburgh, talking to his shepherd, and speculating +about the reasons why his sheep lay on what +seemed to be the least sheltered and coldest situation +on the hill. Said his lordship: "John, if I were a sheep +I would lie on the other side of the hill." The shepherd +answered: "Ay, my lord; but if ye had been a sheep +ye would have had mair sense."</p> + +<p>Sitting long after the usual hour listening to a prosy +counsel, Lord Cockburn was commiserated by a friend +as they left the Court together with the remark: "Counsel +has encroached very much on your time, my lord."—"Time, +time," exclaimed his lordship; "he has exhausted +time and encroached on eternity."</p> + +<p>When a young advocate, Cockburn was a frequent +visitor at Niddrie Marischal, near Edinburgh, the residence +of Mr. Wauchope. This gentleman was very +particular about church-going, but one Sunday he +stayed at home and his young guest started for the +parish church accompanied by one of his host's hand<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>somest +daughters. On their way they passed through +the garden, and were so beguiled by the gooseberry +bushes that the time slipped away and they found +themselves too late for the service. At dinner the laird +inquired of his daughter what the text was, and when +she failed to tell him he put the question to Cockburn, +who at once replied: "The woman whom thou gavest +to be with me she gave me of the fruit and I did eat."</p> + +<p>Jeffrey and Cockburn were counsel together in a +case in which it was sought to prove that the heir of an +estate was of low capacity, and therefore incapable of +administrating his affairs. Jeffrey had vainly attempted +to make a country witness understand his meaning as +he spoke of the mental imbecility and impaired intellect +of the party. Cockburn rose to his relief, and was +successful at once. "D'ye ken young Sandy ——?"—"Brawly," +said the witness; "I've kent him sin' he was +a laddie."—"An' is there onything in the cratur, d'ye +think?"—"Deed," responded the witness, "there's +naething in him ava; he wadna ken a coo frae a cauf!"</p> + +<p>When addressing the jury in a case in which an officer +of the army was a witness, Jeffrey frequently referred +to him as "this soldier." The witness, who was +in Court, bore this for a time, but at last, exasperated, +exclaimed, "I am not a soldier, I'm an officer!"—"Well, +gentlemen of the jury," proceeded Jeffrey, "this officer, +who on his own statement is no soldier," &c.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> +<p>Patrick, Lord Robertson, one of the senators of +the College of Justice, was a great humorist. He was +on terms of intimacy with the late Mr. Alexander +Douglas, W.S., who, on account of the untidiness of +his person, was known by the sobriquet of "Dirty +Douglas." Lord Robertson invited his friend to accompany +him to a ball. "I would go," said Mr. Douglas, +"but I don't care about my friends knowing that I attend +balls."—"Why, Douglas," replied the senator, +"put on a well-brushed coat and a clean shirt, and nobody +will know you." When at the Bar, Robertson +was frequently entrusted with cases by Mr. Douglas. +Handing his learned friend a fee in Scottish notes, Mr. +Douglas remarked: "These notes, Robertson, are, like +myself, getting old."—"Yes, they're both old and dirty, +Douglas," rejoined Robertson.</p> + +<p>When Robertson was attending an appeal case in +the House of Lords he received great attention from +Lord Brougham. This gave rise to a report in the Parliament +House of Edinburgh that the popular Tory +advocate had "ratted" to the Liberal side in politics, +which found expression in the following <i>jeu d'esprit</i>:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"When Brougham by Robertson was told<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He'd condescend a place to hold,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The Chancellor said, with wondering eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Viewing the <i>Rat's</i> tremendous size,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">'That you a place would hold is true,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But where's the place that would hold you?'"<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p> +<p>Lord Rutherford when at the Bar put an illustration +to the Bench in connection with a church case. +"Suppose the Justiciary Court condemned a man to +be hanged, however unjustly, could that man come into +this Court of Session and ask your lordships to +interfere?" and he turned round very majestically to +Robertson opposing him. "Oh, my lords," said Robertson, +"a case of suspension, clearly."</p> + +<p>When a sheriff, Rutherford, dining with a number +of members of the legal profession, had to reply to the +toast, "The Bench of Scotland." In illustration of a +trite remark that all litigants could not be expected to +have the highest regard for the judges who have tried +their cases, he told the following story: A worthy +but unfortunate south-country farmer had fought his +case in the teeth of adverse decisions in the Lower +Courts to the bitter end in one of the divisions of the +Court of Session. After the decision of this tribunal +affirming the judgment he had appealed against, and +thus finally blasting his fondest hopes, he was heard +to mutter as he left the Court: "They ca' themselves +senators o' the College o' Justice, but it's ma opeenion +they're a' the waur o' drink!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>It was only a small point of law, but the two counsel +were hammering at each other tooth and nail. They +had been submitting this and that to his lordship for +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>twenty minutes, and growing more and more heated +as they argued. At last: "You're an ass, sir!" shrieked +one. "And you're a liar, sir!" roared the other. Then +the judge woke up. "Now that counsel have identified +each other," said he, "let us proceed to the disputed +points."</p> + +<p>A recent eminent judge of the Scottish Bench when +sitting to an artist for his portrait was asked what he +thought of the likeness. His lordship's reply was that +he thought it good enough, but he would have liked +"to see a little more dislike to Gladstone's Irish Bills +in the expression."</p> + +<p>Lord Shand's shortness of stature has been a theme +of several stories. When he left Edinburgh after sitting +as a judge of the Court of Session for eighteen +years, one of his colleagues suggested that a statue +ought to be erected to him. "Or shall we say a statuette?" +was the remark of another friend. His lordship +lived at Newhailes—the property of one of the Dalrymple +family, several members of which were eminent +judges in the late seventeenth and the early eighteenth +centuries—and travelled to town by rail. The +guard was a pawky Aberdonian, and had evidently +been greatly struck by Lord Shand's appearance, for +his customary salutation to him, delivered no doubt in +a parental and patronising fashion, was: "And fu (how) +are ye the day, ma lordie?" His lordship's manner of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>receiving this greeting is not recorded. Still another +anecdote on the same subject is that when still an advocate, +it was proposed to make Mr. Shand a Judge of +Assize. On the proposal being mentioned to a colleague +famous for his caustic wit, the latter with a good-humoured +sneer which raised a hearty laugh at the expense +of his genial friend, remarked: "Ah, a judge of a size, +indeed."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 283px;"> +<a name="lord_young" id="lord_young"></a> +<img src="images/lord_young.jpg" width="283" height="390" alt="GEORGE YOUNG, LORD YOUNG." title="" /> +<span class="caption">GEORGE YOUNG, LORD YOUNG.</span> +</div> + +<p>Lord Young's wit was of this caustic turn and not +infrequently was intended to sting the person to whom +it was addressed. An advocate was wending his weary +way through a case one day, and in the course of making +a point he referred to a witness who had deponed +that he had seen two different things at one time and +consequently contradicted himself. Lord Young gave +vent to the feelings of his colleagues in the Second Division +of the Court, when he interrupted thus:</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. B——, I can see more than two things at +one time. I can see your paper, and beyond your paper +I can see you, and beyond you I can see the clock, and +I can see that you have been labouring for an hour +over a point that is capable of being expressed in a +sentence."</p> + +<p>In the course of an argument in the same division, +counsel had occasion to refer to "Fraser" (a brother +judge) "on Husband and Wife." Lord Young, inter<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>rupting, +asked: 'Hasn't Fraser another book?'—'Yes, +my lord, 'Master and Servant!''—'Well,' said Lord +Young, 'isn't that the same thing?'</p> + +<p>Owing to a vacancy on the Bench having been kept +open for a long period, Lord Young's roll had become +very heavy. Hearing that a new colleague had been +appointed, and like the late judge had adopted a title +ending in "hill," he gratefully quoted the lines of the +one hundred and twenty-first psalm:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"I to the hills will lift mine eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">From whence doth come mine aid."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p>Before the same judge, two prominent advocates in +their day were debating a case. One of them was a particularly +well-known figure, the feature of whose pinafore, +if he wore one, would be its extensive girth. The +other advocate, who happened to be rather slim, was +addressing his lordship: "My learned friend and I are +particularly at one upon this point. I may say, my lord, +that we are virtually in the same boat." Here his opponent +broke in: "No, no, my lord, we are nothing of +the kind. I do not agree with that." Lord Young, leaning +across the bench, remarked: "No, I suppose you +would need a whole boat to yourself."</p> + +<p>It is also attributed to Lord Young that, when Mr. +Baird of Cambusdoon bequeathed a large sum of +money to the Church of Scotland to found the lecture<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>ship +delivered under the auspices of the Baird Trust, +he remarked that it was the highest fire insurance premium +he had ever heard of. "Possibly, my lord," observed +a fire insurance manager who heard the remark; +"but you will admit that cases occur where the +premium scarcely covers the risk."</p> + +<p>Lord Guthrie tells that when, as an advocate, he was +engaged in a case before Lord Young, he mentioned +that his client was a Free Church minister. "Well," +said Lord Young, "that may be, but for all that he may +perhaps be quite a respectable man."</p> + +<p>And there is the story that when Mr. Young was +Lord Advocate for Scotland a vacancy occurred on +the Bench and two names were mentioned in connection +with it. One was that of Mr. Horne, Dean of +Faculty, a very tall man, and the other Lord Shand. +"So, Mr. Young," said a friend, "you'll be going to +appoint Horne?"—"I doubt if I will get his length," +was the reply. "Oh, then," queried the friend, "you'll +be going to appoint Shand?"—"It's the least I could +do," answered the witty Lord Advocate.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"What is your occupation?" asked Lord Ardwall +of a witness in a case. "A miner, sir."—"Good; and +how old are you?"—"Twenty, sir."—"Ah, then you +are a minor in more senses than one." Whereat, no +doubt, the Court laughed. "Now, my lord, we come to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>the question of commission received by the witness, +which I was forgetting," said a counsel before the same +judge one day. "Ah, don't commit the omission of omitting +the commission," replied his lordship.</p> + +<p>An unfortunate miner had been hit on the head by a +lump of coal, and the judges of the First Division of the +Court of Session were considering whether his case +raised a question of law or of fact. "The only law I can +see in the matter," said Lord Maclaren, "is the law of +gravitation."</p> + +<p>In a fishing case heard in the Court of Session some +years ago, a good deal of evidence was led on the subject +of taking immature salmon from a river in the +north. The case was an important one, and the evidence +was taken down in shorthand notes and printed +for the use of the judge and counsel next day. The +evidence of one of the witnesses with respect to certain +of the salmon taken was that "some of them were +kelts." When his lordship turned over the pages of the +printed evidence next morning to refresh his memory, +he was astonished to find it stated by one of the witnesses +in regard to the salmon that "some of them wore +kilts."</p> + +<p>Many other stories, particularly of the older judges, +might be given, were they not too well known. We +may therefore close this chapter with the following epigram +by a Scottish writer, which is decidedly point<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span>ed +and clever, and has the additional merit of being +self-explanatory:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"He was a burglar stout and strong,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who held, 'It surely can't be wrong,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To open trunks and rifle shelves,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For God helps those who help themselves.'<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But when before the Court he came,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And boldly rose to plead the same,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The judge replied—'That's very true;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You've helped yourself—<i>now God help you!</i>'"<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_SIX" id="CHAPTER_SIX"></a>CHAPTER SIX<br /> +THE ADVOCATES OF SCOTLAND</h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Ye lawyers who live upon litigants' fees,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And who need a good many to live at your ease,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Grave or gay, wise or witty, whate'er your degree,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Plain stuff, or Queen's Counsel, take counsel from me,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When a festive occasion your spirit unbends,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You should never forget the profession's best friends;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So we'll send round the wine and a bright bumper fill<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the jolly Testator who makes his own will."<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Neaves</span>: <i>Songs and Verses</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER SIX<br /> +THE ADVOCATES OF SCOTLAND</h2> + + + + +<p>Since days when Sir Walter Scott +gathered round him at the fireplace in the Parliament +Hall of Edinburgh a company of young brother advocates +to hear the latest of Lord Eskgrove's eccentric +sayings from the Bench, that rendezvous has been +the favourite resort for story-telling among succeeding +generations of counsel. While the Court is in session, +they vary their daily walk up and down the hall +by lounging round the spot where the future Wizard of +the North proved a strong counter-attraction to many +an interesting case being argued before a Lord Ordinary +in the alcoves on the opposite side of the hall, +which was then the "Outer House." It is even asserted +that this same fireplace is the hatchery of many of +the amusing paragraphs daily appearing in a column +of a certain Edinburgh newspaper. But of all the witticisms +that have enlivened the dull hours of the briefless +barrister in that historic hall during the past +century, none will stand the test of time or be read with +so much pleasure as those of that prince of wits, the +Hon. Henry Erskine.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 293px;"> +<a name="hon_henry_erskine" id="hon_henry_erskine"></a> +<img src="images/hon_henry_erskine.jpg" width="293" height="390" alt="THE HON. HENRY ERSKINE, LORD ADVOCATE AND DEAN OF FACULTY OF ADVOCATES." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE HON. HENRY ERSKINE, LORD ADVOCATE AND DEAN OF FACULTY OF ADVOCATES.</span> +</div> + +<p>Hairry, as he was familiarly called both by judge +and counsel, was in an eminent degree the "advocate +of the people." It is said that a poor man in a remote +district of Scotland thus answered an acquaint<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span>ance +who wished to dissuade him from "going to law" +with a wealthy neighbour, by representing the hopelessness +of being able to meet the expenses of litigation. +"Ye dinna ken what ye're saying, maister," replied +the litigious northerner; "there's no' a puir man +in a' Scotland need want a freen' or fear a foe, sae lang +as Hairry Erskine lives."</p> + +<p>When the autocratic reign of Henry Dundas as Lord +Advocate was for a time eclipsed, Henry Erskine was +his successor in the Whig interest. In his good-humoured +way Dundas proposed to lend Erskine his embroidered +gown, suggesting that it would not be long +before he (Dundas) would again be in office. "Thank +you," said Hairry, "I am well aware it is made to suit +any party, but it will never be said of me that I assumed +the abandoned habits of my predecessor."</p> + +<p>Having been speaking in the Outer House at the +Bar of Lord Swinton, a very good, but a very slow and +deaf judge, Erskine was called away to Lord Braxfield's +Court. On appearing his lordship said: "Well, +Dean" (he was then Dean of the Faculty of Advocates), +"what is this you've been talking so loudly about to +my Lord Swinton?"—"About a cask of whisky, my +lord, but I found it no easy matter to make it run in +his lordship's head."</p> + +<p>He was once defending a client, a lady of the name +of Tickell, before one of the judges who was an in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span>timate +friend, and he opened his address to his lordship +in these terms: "Tickell, my client, my lord." +But the judge was equal to the occasion and interrupted +him by saying: "Tickle her yourself, Harry, you're +as able to do it as I am."</p> + +<p>Lord Balmuto was a ponderous judge and not very +"gleg in the uptak" (did not readily see a point), and +retained the utmost gravity while the whole Court was +convulsed with laughter at some joke of the witty Dean. +Hours later, when another case was being heard, the +judge would suddenly exclaim: "Eh, Maister Hairry, +a' hae ye noo, a' hae ye noo, vera guid, vera guid."</p> + +<p>Hugo Arnot, a brother advocate, a tall, cadaverous-looking +man, who suffered from asthma, was one day +munching a speldin (a sun-dried whiting or small haddock, +a favourite article supplied at that time, and till +a generation ago, by certain Edinburgh shops). Erskine +coming up to Arnot, the latter explained that he was +having his lunch. "So I see," said Harry, "and you're +very like your meat." On another occasion these two +worthies were discussing future punishment for errors +of the flesh, Arnot taking a liberal, and Erskine a +strongly Calvinist view. As they were parting Erskine +said to Arnot, referring to his spare figure:</p> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"For —— and blasphemy by the mercy of heaven<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To flesh and to blood much may be forgiven,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But I've searched all the Scriptures and text I find none<br /></span> +<span class="i0">That the same is extended to skin and to bone."<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p> +<p>Erskine's brother, the extremely eccentric Lord Buchan, +who thought himself as great a jester as his two +younger brothers, the Lord Chancellor of England and +the Dean of Faculty of Advocates, one day putting +his head below the lock of a door, exclaimed: "See, +Harry, here's Locke on the Human Understanding."—"Rather +a poor edition, my lord," replied the younger +brother.</p> + +<p>Sir James Colquhoun, Baronet of Luss, Principal +Clerk of Session, towards the close of the eighteenth +century was one of the odd characters of his time, and +was made the butt of all the wags of the Parliament +House. On one occasion, whilst Henry Erskine was +in the Court in which Sir James was on duty, he +amused himself by making faces at the Principal Clerk, +who was greatly annoyed at the strange conduct of +the tormenting lawyer. Unable to bear it longer, he +disturbed the gravity of the Court by rising from the +table at which he sat and exclaiming, "My lord, my +lord, I wish you would speak to Harry, he's aye making +faces at me." Harry, however, looked as grave as +a judge and the work of the Court proceeded, until Sir +James, looking again towards the bar, witnessed a +new grimace from his tormentor, and convulsed Bench, +Bar, and audience by roaring out: "There, there, my +lord, see he's at it again."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p> +<p>Hugo Arnot's eccentricity took various forms. In +his house in South St. Andrew Street, in the new town +of Edinburgh, he greatly annoyed a lady who lived in +the same tenement by the violence with which he kept +ringing his bell for his servant. The lady complained; +but what was her horror next day to hear several pistol-shots +fired in the house, which was Arnot's new +method of demanding his valet's immediate attendance.</p> + +<p>In his professional capacity, however, he was guided +by a high sense of honour and of moral obligation. +In a case submitted for his consideration, which seemed +to him to possess neither of these qualifications, he +with a very grave face said to his client: "Pray what +do you suppose me to be?"—"Why, sir," answered +the client, "I understood you to be a lawyer."—"I +thought, sir," replied Arnot, "you took me for a scoundrel." +On another occasion he was consulted by a lady, +not remarkable either for youth or beauty or for good +temper, as to the best method of getting rid of the importunities +of a rejected admirer. After having told her +story and claiming a relationship with him because her +own name was Arnot, she wound up with: "Ye maun +advise me what I ought to do with this impertinent +fellow."—"Oh, marry him by all means, it's the only +way to get quit of his importunities," was Arnot's advice. +"I would see him hanged first," retorted the lady. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span>"Nay, madam," rejoined Arnot, "marry him directly +as I said before, and by the Lord Harry he'll soon +hang himself."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Of the convivial habits of the Bar as well as the +Bench in Scotland at this period many stories are told. +The Second Lord President Dundas once refused to +listen to counsel who obviously showed signs of having +come into Court fresh from a tavern debauch. The +check given by the President appeared to effect some +sobering of the counsel's faculties and he immediately +addressed his lordship upon the dignity of the Faculty +of Advocates, winding up a long harangue with: "It is +our duty and our privilege to speak, my lord, and it is +your duty and your privilege to hear."</p> + +<p>Another counsel in a similar condition of haziness +hurriedly entered the Court and took up the case in +which he was engaged; but forgetting for which side +he had been fee'd, to the unutterable amazement of the +agent, delivered a long and fervent speech in the teeth +of the interests he had been expected to support. When +at last the agent made him understand the mistake he +had made, he with infinite composure resumed his oration +by saying: "Such, my lord, is the statement you +will probably hear from my brother on the opposite +side of the case. I shall now show your lordship how +utterly untenable are the principles and how distort<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span>ed +are the facts upon which this very specious statement +has proceeded." And so he went over the same +ground and most angelically refuted himself from the +beginning of his former pleading to the end.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 290px;"> +<a name="andrew_crosbie" id="andrew_crosbie"></a> +<img src="images/andrew_crosbie.jpg" width="290" height="390" alt="ANDREW CROSBIE, ADVOCATE, "Pleydell."" title="" /> +<span class="caption">ANDREW CROSBIE, ADVOCATE, "Pleydell."</span> +</div> + +<p>When a barrister, pleading before Lord Mansfield, +pronounced a Latin word with a false quantity his +lordship rarely let the opportunity pass without exhibiting +his own precise knowledge of that language. +"My lords," said the Scottish advocate, Crosbie, at the +bar of the House of Lords, "I have the honour to appear +before your lordships as counsel for the Curătors."—"Ugh," +groaned the Westminster-Oxford law +lord, softening his reproof by an allusion to his Scottish +nationality, "Curātors, Mr. Crosbie, Curātors: I +wish <i>our</i> countrymen would pay a little more attention +to prosody."—"My lord," replied Mr. Crosbie, with +delightful readiness and composure, "I can assure you +that <i>our</i> countrymen are very proud of your lordship +as the greatest senātor and orātor of the present age."</p> + +<p>A very young Scottish advocate, afterwards an eminent +judge on the Scottish Bench, pleading before the +House of Lords, ventured to challenge some early +judgments of that House, on which he was abruptly +asked by Lord Brougham: "Do you mean, sir, to call +in question the solemn decisions of this venerable +tribunal?"—"Yes, my lord," coolly replied the young +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span>counsel, "there are some people in Scotland who are +bold enough to dispute the soundness of some of your +lordship's <i>own</i> decisions."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Sheriff Logan, when pleading before Lord Cunningham +in a case which involved numerous points of +form, on some of which he ventured to express an +opinion, was repeatedly interrupted by old Beveridge, +the judge's clerk—a great authority on matters of form—who +unfortunately possessed a very large nasal organ, +which literally overhung his mouth. "No, no," +said the clerk, as the sheriff was quietly explaining +the practice in certain cases. On which Logan, somewhat +nettled at the blunt interruption, coolly replied: +"But, my lord, I say: 'Yes, yes, yes,' in spite of Mr. +Beveridge's <i>noes</i>."</p> + +<p>In the days of Sheriff Harper, Mr. Richard Lees, +solicitor, Galashiels, was engaged in a case for a client +who was not overburdened with the necessary funds +for legal proceedings. However, he was thought good +enough for the expenses in the case. The action went +against Mr. Lees' client, and then Mr. Lees rose to +plead for modified expenses. But the client leant across +to speak to the lawyer and said in a hoarse whisper +audible over the Court: "Dinna stent (limit) yoursels +for the expenses for a haena a fardin'." This was too +much even for the gravity of the Bench.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> +<p>Not many years ago, in the High Court at Glasgow, +a case was heard before an eminent judge still on the +Scottish Bench, in which the accused had committed +a very serious assault and robbery. He was unable +to engage counsel for his defence, and the usual +course was adopted of putting his case in the hands of +"counsel for the poor." There was really no defence; +but the young advocate who undertook the task had to +make the best of it, and the plea he put forward was +that the accused was so drunk at the time he did not +know what he was doing. It was the best thing he +could do in the circumstances, as all the success he +could expect to make with a well-known felon was a +mitigation of the sentence. When it came to his time +to address the Court, he set out in the following fashion: +"My lord and gentlemen of the jury, you all know +what it is to be drunk."</p> + +<p>It is most important to be exact in stating the times +of the movements of a person accused of murder. In +a recent case this point was very minutely examined +by an advocate in the Scottish Court. One witness +deponed that she saw the accused in a certain place +at 5.40 <span class="smcap">P.M.</span> "Are you sure," asked the learned counsel +in a tone calculated to make a witness not quite +sure after all, "are you sure it was not twenty minutes +to six?" And then he seemed surprised at the laughter +his question had raised.</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p> +<p>When Mr. Ludovick Mair, who was a very short +man, was Sheriff-Substitute of Lanarkshire, he was +called upon, at an Ayrshire Burns Club dinner, to propose +the toast of the "Ayrshire Lasses." After alluding +to the honour that had been conferred upon him, +happily said that "Provided his fair clients were prepared +to be 'contented wi' little and canty wi' mair,' +he had no compunction in performing the agreeable +duty."</p> + +<p>In the Glasgow Small Debt Court where the sheriff +frequently presided, a young lawyer's exhaustive eloquence +in striving to prove that his client was not due +the sum sued for, drew from his lordship the following +interruption: "Excuse me, sir, but throughout the conflict +and turmoil engendered by this desperate dispute +with the pursuer I presume the British Empire is not +in any danger?"—"No, my lord," came the reply, "but +I fear after that interrogation from your lordship my +client's case is?"</p> + +<p>On one occasion the sheriff, becoming impatient +with an agent's protracted speech, rebuked him thus: +"Be brief, be brief, my dear sir; time is short and eternity +is long!" And again on being asked by an agent +not to allow a witty old Irishman to act as the spokesman +of "the defendant" on the ground that the Irishman +was not now in the defendant's employment, the +sheriff sternly said to the would-be witness: "Now, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>answer me truthfully, mirthful Michael, are you or are +you not in the defendant's employment?"—"Well, my +lord of lords," was the reply, "that is to say, in the +learned phraseology of the law, <i>pro tem</i> I am and +<i>ultimo</i> and <i>proximo</i> I amn't."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Two stories are told of the late Sheriff Balfour. His +lordship was addressing a prisoner at unusual length, +when he was interrupted more than once by a <i>sotto +voce</i> observation from his then clerk, who was very +impatient when the luncheon hour drew near. Accustomed +to this interruption, the sheriff, as a rule, took +no notice of them. On this occasion, however, he threw +down his quill with a show of annoyance, leaned back +in his chair, and addressed the interrupter thus: "I +say, Mr. ——, are you, or am I, sheriff here?" Promptly +came the unabashed reply: "You, of course; but +your lordship knows that this woman has been frequently +here," meaning that it was idle to address +words of counsel to the prisoner. On another occasion, +the sheriff was pulled up by a male prisoner, who took +exception to his version of the story of the crime, and +concluded: "So you see I've got your lordship there."—"Have +you?" was the sheriff's rejoinder. "No, but +I've got you—three months hard."</p> + +<p>A law agent was talking at length against an +opinion which Sheriff Balfour had already indicated. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>Twice the sheriff essayed in vain to stay the torrent +that was flowing uselessly past the mill. At last, in a +more decided tone, he asked the agent to allow him +just one word, after which he would engage not to interrupt +him again. "Certainly, milord," said the agent. +"Decree," said the sheriff.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Counsel who are briefless and who spend much +time in perambulating the floor of Parliament Hall +should be as careful in their dress as their more fortunate +neighbours who jostle each other in the lobbies as +they rush from one Court to another. A company of +Americans visiting the Courts one day made a casual +inquiry of one of the advocates "in waiting," who +politely offered to show them all that is to be seen. As +they were leaving, one of the party caught hold of a +passing solicitor and after apologising for stopping him +inquired: "This—this—this gentleman has been very +good in showing us over your beautiful place. Would +it be correct to give him something?"—"Yes, certainly," +said the busy practitioner, "and it will be the first +fee he has earned, to my knowledge, for the last ten +years."</p> + +<p>An advocate of the present day, in trying to induce +the Second Division of the Court of Session to reverse +a decision pronounced in Glasgow Sheriff Court +somewhat startled the Bench by reminding them that +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>their lordships were only mortal after all. "Are you +quite sure of that?" asked the presiding judge. Counsel +judiciously refrained from replying to this poser. +The incident recalls an occasion in the Second Division +when it was presided over by Lord Justice-Clerk +Moncreiff. A junior counsel was debating a case +in the division, and, apparently finding he was not +making much headway, invited their lordships to imagine +for the moment that they were navvies, and to look +at the question from the point of view of the worker. +In stately tones the Lord Justice-Clerk informed the +audacious junior that his invitation was unsuited to +the dignity of the Court.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>A learned counsel at the Bar prided himself on the +juvenility of his appearance, and boasted that he looked +twenty years younger than he was. He was cross-examining +a very prepossessing and uncommonly self-possessed +young woman as to the age of a person +whom she knew quite well, but could get no satisfactory +answer. "Well," he persisted, "but surely you +must have been able to make a good guess at his age, +having seen him often."—"People don't always look +their age."—"No, but you can surely form a good idea +from their looks. Now, how old should you say I am?" +"You might be sixty by your looks, but judging by the +questions you ask I should say about sixteen!"</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span></p> +<p>Much amusement is afforded by the answers given +by witnesses to judges and counsel. They form the +theme of legions of stories, and we append a selection +to this chapter of legal wit of the Bar.</p> + +<p>An Irishman before Lord Ardwall was giving evidence +on the question whether having lived eleven +years in Glasgow he was a domiciled Scotsman. He +swore that he was, and as a question of succession depended +upon the domicile the point was of importance. +The opposing counsel thought he had him cornered +when on the list of voters for an Irish constituency he +found the witness's name. But Pat was equal to the +occasion. "It's a safe sate," he said; "they never revise +the lists," and by way of clinching the argument, he +added: "Shure there's men in Oireland who have +been in their graves for twenty years who voted at the +last election."</p> + +<p>Legal gentlemen sometimes resort to methods not +quite in accordance with usual practice to elicit information +from stubborn witnesses. In Glasgow Sheriff +Court one day a somewhat long and involved question +was addressed by the cross-examining agent to a witness +who, from his stout build and imperturbable +manner, looked the embodiment of Scottish caution. +The witness, who was not to be so easily "had," having +regarded his questioner with a steady gaze for the +space of almost a minute, at last broke silence: "Would +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span>you mind, sir," said he, "just repeating that question, +and splitting it into bits?" And after the Court had regained +its composure the discomfited agent humbly +proceeded to subdivide the question.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In the old days when Highlanders "kist oot" +(quarrelled) they resorted to the claymore, but the +hereditary fighting spirit appears nowadays in an appeal +to the law. Perth Sheriff Courts witness many a +"bout" between the stalwarts, who are not amiss to +clash all round if need be. "You must have been in +very questionable company at the show?" inquired a +sheriff of a farmer. "Weel, ma lord—you wis the last +gentleman I spoke to that day as I was coming oot!" +was his reply.</p> + +<p>The pointed insinuation to another witness in a +claim case at the same Court. "I think I have seen you +here rather often of late," drew the reply, "Nae doot, +if a'm no takin' onybody here—then it's them that's +takin' me!"</p> + +<p>Quite recently an old farmer in Perthshire, who had +been rather severely cross-examined by the opposing +counsel, had his sweet revenge when the sheriff, commenting +on the case, inquired: "There seems to be a +great deal of dram-dramming at C—— on Tuesdays, I +imagine?"—"Aye, whiles," was the canny reply—and +immediately following it up, as he pointed across at +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span>the rival lawyer, he continued—"an' that nicker ower +there can tak' a bit dram wi' the best o' them!"</p> + +<p>A young advocate, as junior in a licensing club case, +had to cross-examine the certifying Justice of the Peace +who was very diffuse and rather evasive in his answers. +"Speak a little more simply and to the point, please," +said counsel mildly. "You are a little ambiguous, you +know."—"I am not, sir," replied the witness indignantly; +"I have been teetotal for a year."</p> + +<p>It is a fact well known to lawyers that it is a risky +thing to call witnesses to character unless you know +exactly beforehand what they are going to say. Here +is an instance in point. "You say you have known +the prisoner all your life?" said the counsel. "Yes, +sir," was the reply. "Now," was the next question, +"in your opinion is he a man who is likely to have +been guilty of stealing this money?"—"Well," said +the witness thoughtfully, "how much was it?"</p> + +<p>In a County Sheriff Court his lordship addressed a +witness: "You said you drove a milk-cart, didn't you?" +"No, sir, I didn't."—"Don't you drive a milk-cart?" +"No, sir."—"Ah! then what do you do, sir?"—"I drive +a horse."</p> + +<p>A well-known lawyer not now in practice, who had +risen from humble parentage to be Procurator Fiscal +of his county, once got a sharp retort from a witness +in Court. It was a case of law-burrows—well known +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span>in Scotland—which requires a person to give security +against doing violence to another. A lady had assaulted +a priest who in the discharge of his duty had been +visiting her husband—a member of his flock. The +lady was herself a Protestant, and suspected the reverend +gentleman of designs on her husband's property +for behoof of his Church. The witness in the box +was prepared on every point, and the following dialogue +ensued—P.F.: "Who was your father?" Lady: +"My father was a gentleman." P.F.: "Yes, but who +was he?" Lady: "He was a good man and much respected, +although he didn't make such a noise in the +world as yours." The P.F.'s father had been the town +crier.</p> + +<p>Perhaps it was to the same lawyer who asked the +question of a labouring man: "Are you the husband of +the previous witness?" and got the answer: "I dinna +ken onything aboot the previous witness, but if it was +Mrs. ——, a'm her man."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The macer who calls the cases coming before the +judges in Court was in older days an interesting personality. +Lord Cockburn recalls the time when this +duty was performed by the "crier" putting his head +out of a small window high up in the wall of the Parliament +House and shouting down to the counsel and agents +assembled below him. Now it is performed from +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span>a raised dais on the floor of the hall, and it is no joke +when the macer has to call in stentorian tones such a +case as "Dampskibsselskabet Danmary <i>v.</i> John Smith." +Learned members of the Faculty approach such a difficulty +otherwise. During "motions" one day an astute +counsel said, "In number 11 of your lordship's roll." +"What did you call it?" inquired the judge. "I called +it number 11," naïvely replied counsel. The case was +"Fiskiveidschlutafjelagid Island <i>v.</i> Standard Fishing +Company."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The administration of the oath in Courts of Justice +is apt to become perfunctory, and some sheriffs shorten +the formula, so that it is administered somewhat after +this fashion: "I swearbalmitygod, that I will tell the +truth, the wholetruth, anothingbuthetruth." There is +one sheriff more punctilious, and recently he administered +the oath to a female witness, making her recite +it in sections after him. "I swear by Almighty God" +(pause). Witness: "I swear by Almighty God."—"As +I shall answer to God." Witness: "As I shall answer +to God."—"At the Great Day of Judgment." The witness +stumbled over this clause, and the sheriff had to +repeat it twice. As she ran more glibly over the concluding +words, the sheriff remarked: "It's extraordinary +how many people come to this Court who seem +never to have heard of that great occasion."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p> +<p>This is what took place in a Glasgow Court. Sheriff: +"Repeat this after me, 'I swear by Almighty God.'" +Witness: "I swear by Almighty God." Sheriff: "I +will tell the truth." Witness: "I will tell the truth." +Sheriff: "The whole truth." Witness: "I <span class="smcap">HOPE</span> +so!"</p> + +<p>In Edinburgh Sheriff Small Debt Court the oath +was administered to a witness who was dull of hearing. +"I swear by Almighty God," said the sheriff. The witness +put his hollowed hand to his ear and asked: +"Wha dae ye sweer by?" Many Court reporters have +heard a witness swear to tell "the truth, the whole +truth, and anything but the truth"; and one old lady +(mistaking certain words recited by the judge) affirmed +her determination to tell the truth "with a great deal of +judgment."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>As we indicated at the beginning of this volume, +stories of wit and humour from the ranks of agents in +the legal profession are much rarer than in those of the +Bench and the Bar. From the <i>Court of Session Garland</i> +we quote the following relating to a worthy practitioner +in the days when Councillor Pleydell played +"high jinks" in his favourite tavern.</p> + +<p>In old times some stray agents in Scotland might be +found who were not particularly distinguished for professional +attainments, and who sometimes could not +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>"draw" a paper as it is termed. One of these worthies +was impressed with the idea that his powers were +equal to the preparation of a petition for the appointment +of a factor. His clerk was summoned, pens, ink, +and paper placed before him, and the process of dictation +commenced: "Unto the Right Honourable." +"Right Honourable," echoed the clerk. "The Lords +of Council and Session."—"Session," continued the +scribe—"the Petition of Alexander Macdonald, tenant +in Skye—Skye—humbly sheweth—sheweth." "Stop, +John, read what I've said."—"Yes, sir. 'Unto the +Right Honourable the Lords of Council and Session +the Petition of Alexander Macdonald, tenant in Skye, +humbly sheweth.'"—"Very well, John, very well. +Where did you stop?"—"Humbly sheweth—that the +petitioner—petitioner"—here a pause for a minute—"that +the petitioner. It's down, sir." Here the master +got up, walked about the room, scratched his head, +took snuff, but in vain; the inspiration had fled with +the mysterious word "petitioner." The clerk looked +up somewhat amazed that his master had got that +length, and at last ventured to suggest that the difficulty +might be got over. "How, John?" exclaimed his +master. "As you have done the most important part, +what would you say, sir, to send the paper to be finished +by Mr. M—— with a guinea?"—"The very thing, John, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span>tak' the paper to Mr. M——, and as we've done the +maist fickle pairt of the work he's deevilish weel aff wi' +a guinea."</p> + +<p>We are indebted to the author of that capital collection +of Scottish anecdote, <i>Thistledown</i>, for the following +story, as illustrating one of the many humorous +attempts to get the better of the law, and one in which +the lawyer was "hoist with his own petard." A dealer +having hired a horse to a lawyer, the latter, either +through bad usage or by accident, killed the beast, +upon which the hirer insisted upon payment of its +value; and if it was not convenient to pay costs, he +expressed his willingness to accept a bill. The lawyer +offered no objection, but said he must have a long date. +The hirer desired him to fix his own time, whereupon +the writer drew a promissory note, making it payable +at the day of judgment. An action ensued, when in +defence, the lawyer asked the judge to look at the bill. +Having done so, the judge replied: "The bill is perfectly +good, sir; and as this is the day of judgment, I +decree that you pay to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Joseph Gillon was a well-known Writer to the Signet +early in the nineteenth century. Calling on him +at his office one day, Sir Walter Scott said, "Why, Joseph, +this place is as hot as an oven."—"Well," quoth +Gillon, "and isn't it here that I make my bread?"</p> + +<p>A celebrated Scottish preacher and pastor was visiting +the house of a solicitor who was one of his flock, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>but had a reputation of indulging in sharp practice. +The minister was surprised to meet there two other +members of his flock whose relations with the solicitor +were not at the time known to be friendly or otherwise. +In course of conversation the solicitor, alluding to some +disputed point, appealed to the minister: "Doctor, +these are members of your flock; may I ask whether +you look on them as black or as white sheep?"—"I +don't know," answered the minister, "whether they +are black or white sheep; but this I know, that if they +are long here they are pretty sure to be <i>fleeced</i>."</p> + +<p><i>Apropos</i> of this story is the one of a Scottish countrywoman +who applied to a respectable solicitor for +advice. After detailing all the circumstances of the case, +she was asked if she had stated the facts exactly as +they had occurred. "Ou ay, sir," rejoined the applicant; +"I thought it best to tell you the plain truth; +you can put the lees till't yoursel'."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">The Lawyer's Toast</span></p> + +<p>At a dinner of a Scots Law Society, the president +called upon an old solicitor present to give as a toast +the person whom he considered the best friend of the +profession. "Then," said the gentleman very slyly, +"I'll give you 'The Man who makes his own will.'"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span></p> + +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_SEVEN" id="CHAPTER_SEVEN"></a>CHAPTER SEVEN<br /> +THE AMERICAN BENCH & BAR</h2> + + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Going tew law is like skinning a new milch cow for the hide and +giving the meat tew the lawyers."</p> + +<p> +<span class="smcap">Josh Billings.</span><br /> +</p></div> + + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Oh, sir, you understand a conscience, but not law."</p> + +<p> +<span class="smcap">Massinger</span>: <i>The Old Law</i>.<br /> +</p></div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER SEVEN<br /> +THE AMERICAN BENCH & BAR</h2> + +<p>The Rev. H. R. Haweis has defined "humour +as the electric atmosphere, wit as the flash. A +situation provides atmospheric humour, and with the +culminating point of it comes the flash." This definition +is peculiarly applicable to the humour of the +Bench and Bar when the situation invariably provides +the atmosphere for the wit. Not less so is this the +case in American Courts than in British. Before Chief +Justice Parsons was raised to the Bench, and when he +was the leading lawyer of America, a client wrote, stating +a case, requesting his opinion upon it, and enclosing +twenty dollars. After the lapse of some time, receiving +no answer, he wrote a second letter, informing +him of his first communication. Parsons replied that +he had received both letters, had examined the case +and formed his opinion, but somehow or other "it stuck +in his throat." The client understood this hint, sent +him one hundred dollars, and received the opinion.<br /><br /></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 286px;"> +<a name="theophilus_parsons" id="theophilus_parsons"></a> +<img src="images/theophilus_parsons.jpg" width="286" height="390" alt="THEOPHILUS PARSONS, CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT OF MASSACHUSETTS." title="" /> +<span class="caption">THEOPHILUS PARSONS, CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE SUPREME COURT OF MASSACHUSETTS.</span> +</div> + +<p>He was engaged in a heavy case which gave rise to +many encounters between himself and the opposing +counsel, Mr. Sullivan. During Parson's speech Sullivan +picked up Parson's large black hat and wrote with +a piece of chalk upon it: "This is the hat of a d—d +rascal." The lawyers sitting round began to titter, +which called attention to the hat, and the inscription +soon caught the eye of Parsons, who at once said: +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>"May it please your honour, I crave the protection of +the Court, Brother Sullivan has been stealing my hat +and writing his own name upon it."</p> + +<p>Parsons was considered a strong judge, and somewhat +overbearing in his attitude towards counsel. +One day he stopped Dexter, an eminent advocate, in +the middle of his address to the jury, on the ground +that he was urging a point unsupported by any evidence. +Dexter hastily observed, "Your honour, did you +argue your own cases in the way you require us to +do?"—"Certainly not," retorted the judge; "but that +was the judge's fault, not mine."</p> + +<p>Patrick Henry, "the forest-born Demosthenes," as +Lord Byron called him, was defending an army commissary, +who, during the distress of the American +army in 1781, had seized some bullocks belonging to +John Hook, a wealthy Scottish settler. The seizure +was not quite legal, but Henry, defending, painted the +hardships the patriotic army had to endure. "Where +was the man," he said, "who had an American heart +in his bosom who would not have thrown open his +fields, his barbs, his cellars, the doors of his house, +the portals of his breast, to have received with open +arms the meanest soldier in that little band of famished +patriots? Where is the man? <i>There</i> he stands; and +whether the heart of an American beats in his bosom, +you gentlemen are to judge." He then painted the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span>surrender of the British troops, their humiliation and +dejection, the triumph of the patriot band, the shouts +of victory, the cry of "Washington and liberty," as it +rang and echoed through the American ranks, and +was reverberated from vale to hill, and then to heaven. +"But hark! What notes of discord are these which disturb +the general joy and silence, the acclamations of +victory; they are the notes of <i>John Hook</i>, hoarsely +bawling through the American camp—'Beef! beef! +beef!'"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>It is sometimes imagined that eloquent oratory is +everything required of a good advocate, and certainly +this idea must have been uppermost in the minds of +the young American counsel who figure in the following +stories. A Connecticut lawyer had addressed a +long and impressive speech to a jury, of which this +was his peroration: "And now the shades of night +had wrapped the earth in darkness. All nature lay +clothed in solemn thought, when the defendant ruffians +came rushing like a mighty torrent from the +mountains down upon the abodes of peace, broke open +the plaintiff's house, separated the weeping mother +from the screeching infant, and carried off—my +client's rifle, gentlemen of the jury, for which we claim +fifteen dollars."</p> + +<p>There was good excuse for adopting the "high-fa<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>lutin" +tone in the second instance, that it was the lawyer's +first appearance. He was panting for distinction, +and determined to convince the Court and jury that he +was "born to shine." So he opened: "May it please the +Court and gentlemen of the jury—while Europe is +bathed in blood, while classic Greece is struggling for +her rights and liberties, and trampling the unhallowed +altars of the bearded infidels to dust, while the chosen +few of degenerate Italy are waving their burnished +swords in the sunlight of liberty, while America +shines forth the brightest orb in the political sky—I, +I, with due diffidence, rise to defend the cause of this +humble hog thief."</p> + +<p>And this extract from a barrister's address "out +West," some fifty years ago, surely could not fail to influence +the jury in his client's behalf. "The law expressly +declares, gentlemen, in the beautiful language +of Shakespeare, that where a doubt of the prisoner +exists, it is your duty to fetch him in innocent. If you +keep this fact in view, in the case of my client, gentlemen, +you will have the honour of making a friend of +him and all his relations, and you can allus look upon +this occasion and reflect with pleasure that you have +done as you would be done by. But if, on the other +hand, you disregard the principles of law and bring +him in guilty, the silent twitches of conscience will follow +you all over every fair cornfield, I reckon, and my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span>injured and down-trodden client will be apt to light on +you one of these dark nights as my cat lights on a saucerful +of new milk."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In a rural Justice Court in one of the Southern +States the defendant in a case was sentenced to serve +thirty days in jail. He had known the judge from boyhood, +and addressed him as follows: "Bill, old boy, +you're gwine to send me ter jail, air you?"—"That's +so," replied the judge; "have you got anything to say +agin it?"—"Only this, Bill: God help you when I git +out."</p> + +<p>Daniel Webster was a clever and successful lawyer, +who was engaged in many important causes in his day. +In a case in one of the Virginian Courts he had for +his opponent William Wirt, the biographer of Patrick +Henry, a work which was criticised as a brilliant romance. +In the progress of the case Webster brought +forward a highly respectable witness, whose testimony +(unless disproved or impeached) settled the case, and +annihilated Wirt's client. After getting through his +testimony, Webster informed his opponent, with a significant +expression, that he had now closed his evidence, +and his witness was at Wirt's service. The counsel +for defence rose to cross-examine, but seemed for a +moment quite perplexed how to proceed, but quickly +assuming a manner expressive of his incredulity as to +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span>the facts elicited, and coolly eyeing the witness, said: +"Mr. ——, allow me to ask you whether you have ever +read a work called <i>Baron Munchausen</i>?" Before the +witness had time to answer, Webster rose and said, +"I beg your pardon, Mr. Wirt, for the interruption, +but there was one question I forgot to ask my witness, +and if you will allow me that favour I promise +not to interrupt you again." Mr. Wirt in the blandest +manner replied, "Yes, most certainly"; when Webster +in the most deliberate and solemn manner, said, +"Sir, have you ever read Wirt's <i>Life of Patrick +Henry</i>?" The effect was so irresistible that even the +judge could not control his rigid features. Wirt himself +joined in the momentary laugh, and turning to +Webster said: "Suppose we submit this case to jury +without summing up"; which was assented to, and Mr. +Webster's client won the case.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In the year 1785 an Indian murdered a Mr. Evans +at Pittsburg. When, after a confinement of several +months, his trial was to be brought on, the chiefs of his +nation were invited to be present at the proceedings +and see how the trial would be conducted, as well as to +speak in behalf of the accused, if they chose. These +chiefs, however, instead of going as wished for, sent to +the civil officers of that place the following laconic answer: +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>"Brethren! you inform us that ——, who murdered +one of your men at Pittsburg, is shortly to be +tried by the laws of your country, at which trial you +request that some of us may be present. Brethren! +knowing —— to have been always a very bad man, we +do not wish to see him. We therefore advise you to try +him by your laws, and to hang him, so that he may +never return to us again."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>There are many stories of the smart repartee of +white and coloured witnesses and prisoners appearing +before American judges, but the most of them bear +such strong evidence of newspaper staff manufacture +as to be unworthy of more permanent record than the +weekly "fill up" they were designed for. Of the more +reputable we select a few.</p> + +<p>Judge Emory Speer, of the southern district of +Georgia, had before his Court a typical charge of +illicit distilling. "What's your name?" demanded the +eminent judge. "Joshua, jedge," drawled the prisoner. +"Joshua who made the sun stand still?" smiled the +judge, in amusement at the laconic answer. "No, sir. Joshua +who made the moon shine," answered the quick-witted +mountaineer. And it is needless to say that +Judge Speer made the sentence as light as he possibly +could, saying to his friends in telling the story that wit +like that deserved some recompense.</p> + +<p>A newly qualified judge in Tennessee was trying +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span>his first criminal case. The accused was an old negro +charged with robbing a hen-coop. He had been in +Court before on a similar charge, and was then acquitted. +"Well, Tom," began the judge, "I see you're in +trouble again."—"Yes, sah," replied the negro. "The +last time, jedge, you was ma lawyer."—"Where is +your lawyer this time?" asked the judge. "I ain't got +no lawyer this time," answered Tom. "I'm going to +tell the truth."</p> + +<p>Judge M. W. Pinckney tells the story of a coloured +man, Sam Jones by name, who was on trial at Dawson +City, for felony. The judge asked Sam if he desired the +appointment of a lawyer to defend him. "No, sah," +Sam replied, "I'se gwine to throw myself on the ignorance +of the cote."</p> + +<p>A Southern lawyer tells of a case that came to him +at the outset of his career, wherein his principal witness +was a negro named Jackson, supposed to have +knowledge of certain transactions not at all to the +credit of his employer, the defendant. "Now, Jackson," +said the lawyer, "I want you to understand the importance +of telling the truth when you are put on the stand. +You know what will happen, don't you, if you don't tell +the truth?"—"Yessir," was Jackson's reply; "in dat +case I expects our side will win de case."</p> + +<p>When Senator Taylor was Governor of Tennessee, +he issued a great many pardons to men and women +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span>confined in penitentiaries or jails in that State. His +reputation as a "pardoning Governor" resulted in his +being besieged by everybody who had a relative incarcerated. +One morning an old negro woman made her +way into the executive offices and asked Taylor to pardon +her husband, who was in jail. "What's he in for?" +asked the Governor. "Fo' nothin' but stealin' a ham," +explained the wife. "You don't want me to pardon +him," argued the Governor. "If he got out he would +only make trouble for you again."—"'Deed I does +want him out ob dat place!" she objected. "I needs +dat man."—"Why do you need him?" inquired Taylor, +patiently. "Me an' de chillun," she said, seriously, +"needs another ham."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Etiquette in the matter of dress was, in early days, +of little or no consequence with American lawyers, +especially in the Southern States. In South Carolina +this neglect of the rigid observance of English rules +on the part of Mr. Petigru, a well-known barrister, +gave rise to the following passage between the Bench +and the Bar.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Petigru," said the judge, "you have on a light +coat. You can't speak."</p> + +<p>"May it please the Bench," said the barrister, "I +conform strictly to the law. Let me illustrate. The +law says the barrister shall wear a black gown and +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>coat, and your honour thinks that means a black +coat?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said the judge.</p> + +<p>"Well, the law also says the sheriff shall wear a +cocked hat and sword. Does your honour hold that +the sword must be cocked as well as the hat?"</p> + +<p>He was permitted to go on.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>In the United States, as elsewhere, the average juryman +is not very well versed in the fine distinctions of +the law. On these it is the judge's duty to instruct him. +What guidance the jury got from the explanation of +what constitutes murder is not quite clear to the lay +mind, however satisfactory it may have appeared to +the judge.</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen," he stated, with admirable lucidity, +"murder is where a man is murderously killed. The +killer in such a case is a murderer. Now, murder by +poison is just as much murder as murder with a gun, +pistol, or knife. It is the simple act of murdering that +constitutes murder in the eye of the law. Don't let the +idea of murder and manslaughter confound you. Murder +is one thing; manslaughter is quite another. Consequently, +if there has been a murder, and it is not +manslaughter, then it must be murder. Don't let this +point escape you."</p> + +<p>"Self-murder has nothing to do with this case. Ac<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span>cording +to Blackstone and other legal writers, one man +cannot commit <i>felo-de-se</i> upon another; and this is my +opinion. Gentlemen, murder is murder. The murder +of a brother is called fratricide; the murder of a father +is called parricide, but that don't enter into this case. +As I have said before, murder is emphatically murder."</p> + +<p>"You will consider your verdict, gentlemen, and +make up your minds according to the law and the evidence, +not forgetting the explanation I have given you."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>There is a delightful frankness about the address +submitted to the electors by a candidate who solicited +their support for the position of sheriff in one of the +provinces of the United States, but its honesty cannot +be questioned:</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, I offer myself a candidate for sheriff; I +have been a revolutionary officer; fought many bloody +battles, suffered hunger, toil, heat; got honourable +scars, but little pay. I will tell you plainly how I shall +discharge my duty should I be so happy as to obtain a +majority of your suffrages. If writs are put into my +hands against any of you, I will take you if I can, and, +unless you can get bail, I will deliver you over to the +keeper of the gaol. Secondly, if judgments are found +against you, and executions directed to me, I will sell +your property as the law directs, without favour or affection; +if there be any surplus money, I will punct<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span>ually +remit it. Thirdly, if any of you should commit a +crime (which God forbid!) that requires capital punishment, +according to law, I will hang you up by the neck +till you are dead."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 291px;"> +<a name="rufus_choate" id="rufus_choate"></a> +<img src="images/rufus_choate.jpg" width="291" height="390" alt="RUFUS CHOATE, LEADER OF THE MASSACHUSETTS BAR." title="" /> +<span class="caption">RUFUS CHOATE, LEADER OF THE MASSACHUSETTS BAR.</span> +</div> + +<p>Rufus Choate was designated <i>the</i> leader of the Massachusetts +Bar—a distinctive title which long outlived +him and marked the sense of esteem in which he +was held by his brother lawyers, as well as indicating +his outstanding ability and success.</p> + +<p>In 1841 a divorce case was tried in America, and a +young woman named Abigail Bell was the chief witness +of the adultery of the wife. Sumner, for the defence, +cross-examined Abigail. "Are you married?"—"No."—"Any +children?"—"No."—"Have you a child?" +Here there was a long pause, and then at last the witness +feebly replied, "Yes." Sumner sat down with an +air of triumph. Rufus Choate was advocate for the +husband, who claimed the divorce, and after enlarging +on other things, said, "Gentlemen, Abigail Bell's evidence +is before you." Raising himself proudly, he continued, +"I solemnly assert there is not the shadow of +a shade of doubt or suspicion on that evidence or on +her character." Everybody looked surprised, and he +went on: "What though in an unguarded moment she +may have trusted too much to the young man to whom +she had pledged her untried affections; to whom she +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span>was to be wedded on the next Lord's Day; and who +was suddenly struck dead at her feet by a stroke of +lightning out of the heavens!" This was delivered with +such tragic effect that Choate, majestically pausing, +saw the jury had taken the cue, and he went on triumphantly +to the end. He afterwards told his friends +that he had a right to make any supposition consistent +with the witness's innocence.</p> + +<p>A client went to consult him as to the proper redress +for an intolerable insult and wrong he had just +suffered. He had been in a dispute with a waiter at the +hotel, who in a paroxysm of rage and contempt told +the client "to go to ——." "Now," said the client, +"I ask you, Mr. Choate, as one learned in the law, and +as my legal adviser, what course under these circumstances +I ought to take to punish this outrageous insult." +Choate looked grave, and told the client to repeat +slowly all the incidents preceding this outburst, +telling him to be careful not to omit anything, and +when this was done Choate stood for a while as if in +deep thought and revolving an abstruse subject; he +then gravely said: "I have been running over in my +head all the statutes of the United States, and all the +statutes of the commonwealth of Massachusetts, and +all the decisions of all the judges in our Courts therein, +and I may say that I am thoroughly satisfied that there +is nothing in any of them that will require you to go +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span>to the place you have mentioned. And if you will take +my advice then I say decidedly—<i>don't go</i>."</p> + +<p>Choate defended a blacksmith whose creditor had +seized some iron that a friend had lent him to assist +in the business after a bankruptcy. The seizure of the +iron was said to have been made harshly. Choate thus +described it: "He arrested the arm of industry as it +fell towards the anvil; he put out the breath of his +bellows; he extinguished the fire upon his hearthstone. +Like pirates in a gale at sea, his enemies swept +everything by the board, leaving, gentlemen of the +jury, not so much—not so much as a horseshoe to nail +upon the doorpost to keep the witches off." The blacksmith, +sitting behind, was seen to have tears in his +eyes at this description, and a friend noticing it, said, +"Why, Tom, what's the matter with you? What are +you blubbering about?"—"I had no idea," said Tom +in a whisper, "that I had been so abominably ab-ab-bused."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>A veteran member of the Baltimore Bar tells of an +amusing cross-examination in a Court of that city. +The witness seemed disposed to dodge the questions +of counsel for the defence. "Sir," admonished the +counsel sternly, "you need not tell us your impressions. +We want facts. We are quite competent to form +our own impressions. Now, sir, answer me categoric<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span>ally." +From that time on he got little more than "yes" +and "no" from the witness. Presently counsel asked: +"You say that you live next door to the defendant."—"Yes."—"To +the south of him?"—"No."—"To the +north?"—"No."—"Well, to the east then?"—"No."—"Ah," +exclaimed the counsel sarcastically, "we are +likely now to get down to the one real fact. You live to +the west of him, do you not?"—"No."—"How is that, +sir?" the astounded counsel asked. "You say you live +next door to the defendant, yet he lives neither north, +south, east, or west of you. What do you mean by +that, sir?" Whereupon the witness "came back." "I +thought perhaps you were competent to form the impression +that we lived in a flat," said the witness calmly; +"but I see I must inform you that he lives next door +above me."</p> + +<p>In the Supreme Court of the United States the President +interrupted counsel in the course of a long +speech by saying: "Mr. Jones, you must give this +Court credit for knowing <i>something</i>."—"That's all +very well," replied the advocate (who came from a +Western State), "but that's exactly the mistake I made +in the Court below."</p> + +<p>In a suit for damages against a grasping railway +corporation for killing a cow, the attorney for the +plaintiff, addressing the twelve Arkansas good men +and true who were sitting in judgment, and on their +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span>respective shoulder-blades, said: "Gentlemen of the +jury, if the train had been running as slow as it should +have been ran, if the bell had been rung as it 'ort to +have been rang, or the whistle had been blown as it +'ort to have been blew, none of which was did, the cow +would not have been injured when she was killed."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Although not strictly a story of either the Bench or +the Bar of America, it is so pertinent to the latter that +we cannot omit the following told by the Scottish +clergyman, the late Dr. Gillespie of Mouswold, in his +amusing collection of anecdotes.</p> + +<p>A young American lady was his guest at the manse +while a young Scottish advocate was spending a holiday +in the neighbourhood. He was invited to dine at +the manse, and took the young lady in to dinner, and +kept teasing her in a lively, good-natured manner about +American people and institutions, while it may be +guessed his neighbour held her own, as most American +girls are well able to do. At length the advocate asked, +"Miss ——, have you any lawyers in America?" She +knowing what profession he belonged to replied quick +as thought, "Oh yes, Mr. ——, lots of lawyers. I've +a brother a lawyer. Whenever we've a member of +a family a bigger liar than another, we make him a +lawyer."</p> + +<p>A quaint decision was given by Judge Kimmel, of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span>the Supreme Court at St. Louis, in an application for +divorce by Mrs. Quan. The judge directed Patrick J. +Egan, a policeman, to supervise the domestic affairs +of the couple, and to visit their home daily for thirty +days. After questioning the wife closely on her attitude +towards her husband and his treatment of her, +Egan wrote down for the wife's guidance a long array +of precepts. Among these were the following:</p> + +<p>"Don't remonstrate with your husband when he +has been drinking. Wait until next morning. Then +give him a cup of coffee for his headache. Afterwards +lead him into the parlour, put your arms about him, +and give him a lecture. It will have more weight with +him than any number of quarrels.</p> + +<p>"If he has to drink, let him have it at home.</p> + +<p>"Avoid mothers-in-law. Don't let them live with +you or interfere in your affairs.</p> + +<p>"If you must have your own way, do not let your +husband know you are trying to boss him. Have your +own way by letting him think he is having his.</p> + +<p>"Dress to suit your husband's taste and income. +Husbands usually don't like their wives to wear tight +dresses. Consult him on these matters.</p> + +<p>"Don't be jealous or give your husband cause for +jealousy.</p> + +<p>"When your husband is in a bad humour, be in a +good humour. It may be difficult, but it will pay."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span></p> +<p>The policeman-philosopher's precepts were duly +printed, framed, and placed against the wall of the family +sitting-room. After paying only fifteen of the thirty +visits to the house directed by the judge, the results +could not have been more gratifying. Mr. and Mrs. +Quan were delighted, and presented the guide to martial +bliss with a handsome token of their gratitude in +the form of a gold watch.</p> + +<p>Many of the droll sayings of the American Bench +of past years are attributable to the fact that the judges +were appointed by popular vote, and the successful +candidate was not always a man of high attainments +in the practice of his profession at the Bar, or of profound +learning in the laws of his country. Too often +he was a man of no better education than the mass of +litigants upon whose causes he was called to adjudicate. +For instance, a Kentuckian judge cut short a +tedious and long-winded counsel by suddenly breaking +into his speech with: "If the Court is right, and +she thinks she air, why, then, you are wrong, and you +knows you is. Shut up!"</p> + +<p>"What are you reading from?" demanded Judge +Dowling, who had in his earlier life been a fireman and +later a police officer. "From the statutes of 1876, your +honour," was the reply. "Well, you needn't read any +more," retorted the judge; "I'm judge in this Court, +and my statutes are good enough law for anybody." +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span>A codified law and precedent cases were of no account +to this "equity" judge.</p> + +<p>But these are mild instances of the methods of early +American judges compared with the summing up of +Judge Rodgers—Old Kye, as he was called—in an +action for wrongful dismissal brought before him by +an overseer. "The jury," said his honour, "will take +notice that this Court is well acquainted with the nature +of the case. When this Court first started in the world +it followed the business of overseering, and if there is +a business which this Court understands, it's hosses, +mules, and niggers; though this Court never overseed +in its life for less than eight hundred dollars. And this +Court in hoss-racing was always naterally gifted; and +this Court in running a quarter race whar the hosses +was turned could allers turn a hoss so as to gain fifteen +feet in a race; and on a certain occasion it was +one of the conditions of the race that Kye Rodgers +shouldn't turn narry of the hosses." Surely it must +have been Old Kye who, upon taking his official seat +for the first time, said: "If this Court know her duty, +and she thinks she do, justice will walk over this track +with her head and tail up."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>On a divorce case coming before a Western administrator +of the law, Judge A. Smith, he thus addressed +the plaintiff's counsel, who was awaiting the arrival of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span>his opponent to open proceedings. "I don't think people +ought to be compelled to live together when they don't +want to do so. I will decree a divorce in this case." +Thereupon they were declared to be no longer man and +wife. At this juncture the defendant's counsel entered +the Court and expressed surprise that the judge had +not at least heard one side of the case, much less both +sides, and protested against such over-hasty proceedings. +But to all his protestations the judge turned a +deaf ear; only informing him that no objections could +now be raised after decree had been pronounced. +"But," he added, "if you want to argue the case 'right +bad,' the Court will marry the couple again, and you +can then have your say out."</p> + +<p>Breach of promise cases generally afford plenty of +amusement to the public, both in the United States +and Great Britain, but it is only in early American +Courts that we hear of a judge adding to the hilarity +by congratulating the successful party to the suit. A +young American belle sued her faithless sweetheart, +and claimed damages laid at one hundred dollars. The +defendant pleaded that after an intimate acquaintance +with the family, he found it was impossible to live +comfortably with his intended mother-in-law, who was +to take up residence with her daughter after the marriage, +and he refused to fulfil his promise. "Would +you rather live with your mother-in-law, or pay <i>two hundred</i> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span> +dollars?" inquired the judge. "Pay two hundred +dollars," was the prompt reply. Said the judge: +"Young man, let me shake hands with you. There +was a time in my life when I was in the same situation +as you are in now. Had I possessed your firmness, I +should have been spared twenty-five years of trouble. +I had the alternative of marrying or paying a hundred +and twenty-five dollars. Being poor, I married; and +for twenty-five years have I regretted it. I am happy +to meet with a man of your stamp. The plaintiff must +pay ten dollars and costs for having thought of putting +a gentleman under the dominion of a mother-in-law."</p> + +<p>The charms of the female sex were more susceptible +to the Iowa judge than to his brother of the former +story. This worthy refused to fine a man for kissing a +young lady against her will, because the complainant +was so pretty that "nothing but the Court's overwhelming +sense of dignity prevented the Court from +kissing her itself."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind," wrote +Garrick, and something of this nature must have actuated +Judge Bela Brown in a case in a Circuit Court of +Georgia. The judge was an able lawyer, and right good +boon companion among his legal friends. The night +before the Court opened he joined the Circuit barristers +at a tavern kept by one Sterrit, where the company +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span>enjoyed themselves "not wisely, but too well." Next +morning the judge was greatly perturbed to find a +quantity of silver spoons in his pocket, which had been +placed there by a wag of the company as the judge +left the tavern the night before. "Was I tipsy when I +came home last night?" timidly asked the judge of his +wife. "Yes," said she; "you know your habits when +you get among your lawyer friends."—"Well," responded +the judge, "that fellow keeps the meanest +liquor in the States; but I never thought it was so bad +as to induce a man to steal."</p> + +<p>Before the close of the Court a man was arraigned +for larceny, who pleaded guilty, but put forward the +extenuating circumstance that he was drunk and +didn't know what he was doing. "What is the nature +of the charge," asked Judge Brown. "Stealing money +from Sterrit's till," replied the clerk. "Are you sure +you were tipsy when you took this money?"—"Yes, +your honour; when I went out of doors the ground kept +coming up and hitting me on the head."—"That will +do. Did you get all your liquor at Sterrit's?"—"Every +drop, sir." Turning to the prosecuting attorney the +judge said, "You will do me the favour of entering a +<i>nolle prosequi</i>; that liquor of Sterrit's I have reason to +know is enough to make a man do anything dirty. I +got tipsy on it myself the other night and stole all his +spoons. If Sterrit will sell such abominable stuff he +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span>ought not to have the protection of this Court—Mr. +Sheriff, you may release the prisoner."</p> + +<p>The judge of a Court in Nevada dealt differently +with a man who, charged with intoxication, thought +to gain acquittal by a whimsical treatment of his +offence. On being asked whether he was rightly or +wrongly charged he pleaded, "Not guilty, your honour. +Sunstroke!"—"Sunstroke?" queried Judge Cox. +"Yes, sir; the regular New York variety."—"You've +had sunstroke a good deal in your time, I believe?"—"Yes, +your honour; but this last attack was most severe."—"Does +sunstroke make you rush through the +streets offering to fight the town?"—"That's the effect +precisely."—"And makes you throw brickbats at +people?"—"That's it, judge. I see you understand the +symptoms, and agree with the best recognised authorities, +who hold it inflames the organs of combativeness +and destructiveness. When a man of my temperament +gets a good square sunstroke he's liable to +do almost anything."—"Yes; you are quite right—liable +to go to jail for fifteen days. You'll go down with +the policeman at once." With that observation the +conversation naturally closed, and the victim of so-called +sunstroke "went down."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Sheriff, remove the prisoner's hat," said a judge in +the Court of Keatingville, Montana, when he noticed +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span>that the culprit before him had neglected to do so. +The sheriff obeyed instructions by knocking off the +hat with his rifle. The prisoner picked it up, and clapping +it on his head again, shouted, "I am bald, judge." +Once more it was "removed" by the sheriff, while the +indignant judge rose and said, "I fine you five dollars +for contempt of Court—to be committed until the fine +is paid." The offender approached the judge, and laying +down half a dollar remarked, "Your sentence, +judge, is most ungentlemanly; but the law is imperative +and I will have to stand it; so here is half a dollar, +and the four dollars and a half you owed me when we +stopped playing poker this morning makes us square."</p> + +<p>The card-playing administrator of law must have +felt as small as his brother-judge who priced a cow at +an Arkansas cattle-market. Seeing one that took his +fancy he asked the farmer what he wanted for her. +"Thirty dollars, and she'll give you five quarts of milk +if you feed her well," said the farmer. "Why," quoth +the judge, "I have cows not much more than half her +size which give twenty quarts of milk a day." The +farmer eyed the would-be purchaser of the cow very +hard, as if trying to remember if he had met him before, +and then inquired where he lived. "My home is in +Iowa," replied the judge. "Yes, stranger, I don't dispute +it. There were heaps of soldiers from Iowa down +here during the war, and they were the worst liars in +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span>the whole Yankee army. Maybe you were an officer +in one of them regiments." Then the judge returned to +his Court duties.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Judge Kiah Rodgers already figures in a story, and +here we give his address to a delinquent when he +presided at a Court in Louisiana. "Prisoner, stand up! +Mr. Kettles, this Court is under the painful necessity +of passing sentence of the law upon you. This Court +has no doubt, Mr. Kettles, but what you were brought +into this scrape by the use of intoxicating liquors. The +friends of this Court all know that if there is any vice +this Court abhors it is intoxication. When this Court +was a young man, Mr. Kettles, it was considerably inclined +to drink, and the friends of this Court know +that this Court has naterally a very high temper; and +if this Court had not stopped short off, I have no doubt, +sir, but what this Court, sir, would have been in the +penitentiary or in its grave."</p> + +<p>There was a strong sense of duty to humanity, as +well as seeing justice carried out, in the Californian +sheriff after an interview with a self-confessed murderer, +who desired to be sent to New York to be +tried, when he addressed the prisoner: "So your conscience +ain't easy, and you want to be hanged?" said +the sheriff. "Well, my friend, the county treasury ain't +well fixed at present, and I don't want to take any +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span>risks, in case you're not the man, and are just fishing +for a free ride. Besides, those New York Courts can't +be trusted to hang a man. As you say, you deserve to +be killed, and your conscience won't be easy till you +are killed, and as it can't make any difference to you +or to society how you are killed, I guess I'll do the job +myself!" and his hand moved to his pocket; but before +he could pull out the revolver and level it at the murderer, +that conscience-stricken individual was down +the road and out of killing distance.</p> + +<p>Like the sailor who objected to his captain undertaking +the double duty of flogging and preaching, +prisoners do not appreciate the judge who delivers +sentence upon them and at the same time admonishes +them in a long speech. After being sentenced a Californian +prisoner was thus reproached by a judge for +his lack of ambition:</p> + +<p>"Where is it, sir? Where is it? Did you ever hear +of Cicero taking free lunches? Did you ever hear that +Plato gamboled through the alleys of Athens? Did you +ever hear Demosthenes accused of sleeping under a +coal-shed? If you would be a Plato, there would be a +fire in your eye; your hair would have an intellectual +cut; you'd step into a clean shirt; and you'd hire a +mowing-machine to pare those finger-nails. You have +got to go up for four months!"</p> + +<p>In conclusion we return to the jury-box of a New +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span>York Court for the story of a well-known character +who frequently was called to act along with other good +men and true. As soon as they had retired to deliberate +on the evidence they had heard, he would button up +his coat and "turn in" on a bench, exclaiming, "Gentlemen, +I'm for bringing in a verdict for the plaintiff +(or the defendant, as he had settled in his mind), and +all Creation can't move me. Therefore as soon as +you have all agreed with me, wake me up +and we'll go in."</p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span><br /></p> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LENVOI" id="LENVOI"></a>L'ENVOI</h2> + +<div class="poetryblock"> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0smcap">"the task is ended, and aside we fling<br /></span> +<span class="i0smcap">the musty books tied up with legal string;<br /></span> +<span class="i0smcap">and so good night, since we our say have said,<br /></span> +<span class="i0smcap">shut up the volume and proceed to bed;<br /></span> +<span class="i0smcap">and dream, dear reader, of a future, when<br /></span> +<span class="i0smcap">a lawyer may shake hands with you again."</span><br /> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Willock</span>: <i>Legal Facetiæ</i>.<br /></span> +</div></div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span><br /></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span><br /></p><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span></p> +<h2><a name="INDEX" id="INDEX"></a>INDEX</h2> + + +<p> +Abbot, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_43">43</a><br /> +<br /> +Abinger, Lord, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>, <a href="#Page_36">36</a>, <a href="#Page_42">42</a><br /> +<br /> +Adam, H. L., <a href="#Page_80">80</a>, <a href="#Page_101">101</a><br /> +<br /> +Adams, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_85">85</a><br /> +<br /> +Adolphus, John, <a href="#Page_76">76</a><br /> +<br /> +Alderson, Baron, <a href="#Page_45">45</a><br /> +<br /> +Alemoor, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Allen, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Alverstone, Lord, <a href="#Page_62">62</a><br /> +<br /> +Andrews, W., <a href="#Page_26">26</a>, <a href="#Page_99">99</a><br /> +<br /> +Anne, Queen, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>, <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Archibald, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_94">94</a><br /> +<br /> +Ardwall, Lord, <a href="#Page_193">193</a>, <a href="#Page_212">212</a><br /> +<br /> +Arnot, Hugo, <a href="#Page_201">201</a>, <a href="#Page_203">203</a><br /> +<br /> +Atkinson, Mrs., <a href="#Page_90">90</a><br /> +<br /> +Auchinleck, Lord, <a href="#Page_155">155</a><br /> +<br /> +Avonmore, Lord, <a href="#Page_119">119-122</a>, <a href="#Page_131">131</a>, <a href="#Page_133">133</a><br /> +<br /> +Avory, Lord, <a href="#Page_62">62</a>, <a href="#Page_63">63</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Bacon, Lord, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Bacon, Sir Nicholas, <a href="#Page_5">5</a><br /> +<br /> +Bacon, Vice-Chancellor, <a href="#Page_38">38</a>, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><br /> +<br /> +Baird, Mr., of Cambusdoon, <a href="#Page_192">192</a><br /> +<br /> +Baldwin, Mr., <a href="#Page_83">83</a><br /> +<br /> +Balfour, Sheriff, <a href="#Page_209">209</a><br /> +<br /> +Ballantine, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_81">81</a>, <a href="#Page_88">88</a><br /> +<br /> +Balmuto, Lord, <a href="#Page_201">201</a><br /> +<br /> +Bannatyne, Lord, <a href="#Page_165">165</a><br /> +<br /> +Barjarg, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Bell, Abigail, <a href="#Page_234">234</a><br /> +<br /> +Bethel, I. B., <a href="#Page_136">136</a><br /> +<br /> +Birrell, Augustine, <a href="#Page_89">89</a><br /> +<br /> +Blair, Lord President, <a href="#Page_170">170</a><br /> +<br /> +Blair, Thomas W., <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Boswell, James, <a href="#Page_155">155</a>, <a href="#Page_165">165</a><br /> +<br /> +Bowen, Lord, <a href="#Page_53">53</a>, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><br /> +<br /> +Boyd, Judge, <a href="#Page_135">135</a><br /> +<br /> +Boyle, Lord Justice-Clerk, <a href="#Page_175">175</a><br /> +<br /> +Braxfield, Lord, <a href="#Page_155">155</a>, <a href="#Page_182">182</a>, <a href="#Page_183">183</a>, <a href="#Page_200">200</a><br /> +<br /> +Brocklesby, Dr., <a href="#Page_15">15</a><br /> +<br /> +Brougham, Lord, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <a href="#Page_39">39-43</a>, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>, <a href="#Page_188">188</a>, <a href="#Page_205">205</a><br /> +<br /> +Brown, Judge Bela, <a href="#Page_243">243</a><br /> +<br /> +Buchan, Earl of, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>, <a href="#Page_202">202</a><br /> +<br /> +Bullen, Edward, <a href="#Page_85">85</a><br /> +<br /> +Burrowes, Peter, <a href="#Page_145">145</a><br /> +<br /> +Burrows, Sir James, <a href="#Page_9">9</a><br /> +<br /> +Bushe, Charles K., <a href="#Page_118">118</a>, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>, <a href="#Page_138">138</a><br /> +<br /> +Butler, Sir Toby, <a href="#Page_127">127</a><br /> +<br /> +Byles, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_49">49</a><br /> +<br /> +Byron, Lord, <a href="#Page_224">224</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Campbell, Lord John, <a href="#Page_13">13</a>, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>, <a href="#Page_41">41-44</a>, <a href="#Page_76">76</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a><br /> +<br /> +Campbell, Lord President, <a href="#Page_181">181</a><br /> +<br /> +Carleton, Chief Justice, <a href="#Page_112">112</a><br /> +<br /> +Carleton, Lady, <a href="#Page_112">112</a><br /> +<br /> +Chambers, Montague, <a href="#Page_77">77</a><br /> +<br /> +Charles II, <a href="#Page_6">6</a>, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Chelmsford, Lord, <a href="#Page_46">46</a><br /> +<br /> +Chitty, Lord Justice, <a href="#Page_38">38</a><br /> +<br /> +Choate, Rufus, <a href="#Page_234">234-236</a><br /> +<br /> +Clare, Lord, <a href="#Page_132">132</a><br /> +<br /> +Clarke, George, minstrel, <a href="#Page_97">97</a><br /> +<br /> +Clarke, Thomas, <a href="#Page_75">75</a>, <a href="#Page_76">76</a><br /> +<br /> +Clonmel, Earl of, <a href="#Page_109">109</a>, <a href="#Page_110">110</a><br /> +<br /> +Coalston, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Cockburn, Lord, <a href="#Page_171">171</a>, <a href="#Page_173">173</a>, <a href="#Page_174">174</a>, <a href="#Page_175">175</a>, <a href="#Page_185">185-187</a>, <a href="#Page_215">215</a><br /> +<br /> +Cockburn, Sir Alexander, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>, <a href="#Page_47">47</a>, <a href="#Page_55">55-57</a><br /> +<br /> +Cockle, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_100">100</a>, <a href="#Page_101">101</a><br /> +<br /> +Coleridge, Lord, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>, <a href="#Page_52">52</a><br /> +<br /> +Collins, Stephen, Q.C., <a href="#Page_140">140</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a><br /> +<br /> +Colman, George, <a href="#Page_79">79</a><br /> +<br /> +Colquhoun, Sir James, <a href="#Page_202">202</a><br /> +<br /> +Connor, John, <a href="#Page_143">143</a><br /> +<br /> +Cooke, Tom, <a href="#Page_36">36</a><br /> +<br /> +Cottenham, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_42">42</a><br /> +<br /> +Coutts, Thomas, <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Covington, Lord, <a href="#Page_155">155</a><br /> +<br /> +Cox, Judge, <a href="#Page_245">245</a><br /> +<br /> +Crabtree, Jesse, <a href="#Page_79">79</a><br /> +<br /> +Cranworth, Lord, <a href="#Page_35">35</a><br /> +<br /> +Cringletie, Lord, <a href="#Page_170">170</a><br /> +<br /> +Crispe, Thomas E., <a href="#Page_94">94</a><br /> +<br /> +Crosbie, Andrew, <a href="#Page_205">205</a><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span><br /> +Cunningham, Lord, <a href="#Page_206">206</a><br /> +<br /> +Curran, J. P., <a href="#Page_109">109</a>, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>, <a href="#Page_120">120</a>, <a href="#Page_121">121</a>, <a href="#Page_127">127-134</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Danckwerts, Mr., Q.C., <a href="#Page_59">59</a><br /> +<br /> +Darling, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_3">3</a>, <a href="#Page_4">4</a>, <a href="#Page_58">58-60</a><br /> +<br /> +Davenport, Sir Thomas, <a href="#Page_12">12</a><br /> +<br /> +Davy, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_70">70</a>, <a href="#Page_71">71</a><br /> +<br /> +Deas, Lord, <a href="#Page_177">177</a><br /> +<br /> +Denman, Lord, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>, <a href="#Page_73">73</a><br /> +<br /> +Dewar, Lord, <a href="#Page_51">51</a><br /> +<br /> +Dirleton, Lord, <a href="#Page_153">153</a><br /> +<br /> +Douglas, Alexander, W.S., <a href="#Page_188">188</a><br /> +<br /> +Dowling, Judge, <a href="#Page_240">240</a><br /> +<br /> +Doyle, Mr., <a href="#Page_121">121</a><br /> +<br /> +Duke, Mr., K.C., <a href="#Page_60">60</a><br /> +<br /> +Dun, Lord, <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Dundas, Henry (Lord Melville), <a href="#Page_157">157</a>, <a href="#Page_200">200</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Robert, first Lord President, <a href="#Page_156">156</a>, <a href="#Page_158">158</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">—— second Lord President, <a href="#Page_204">204</a></span><br /> +<br /> +Dunning, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>, <a href="#Page_74">74</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Egan, John, Q.C., <a href="#Page_131">131</a>, <a href="#Page_134">134</a><br /> +<br /> +Egerton, Master of Rolls, <a href="#Page_6">6</a><br /> +<br /> +Eldin, Lord, <a href="#Page_164">164</a>, <a href="#Page_167">167-171</a><br /> +<br /> +Eldon, Earl of, <a href="#Page_10">10-12</a>, <a href="#Page_17">17-19</a>, <a href="#Page_167">167</a>, <a href="#Page_171">171</a>, <a href="#Page_179">179</a><br /> +<br /> +Elizabeth, Queen, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Ellenborough, Lord, <a href="#Page_20">20</a>, <a href="#Page_21">21</a><br /> +<br /> +Elliock, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Erne, Lord, <a href="#Page_114">114</a><br /> +<br /> +Erskine, Henry, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>, <a href="#Page_164">164</a>, <a href="#Page_199">199-202</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">John, of Carnoch, <a href="#Page_157">157</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">—— Lord, <a href="#Page_27">27-31</a>, <a href="#Page_46">46</a></span><br /> +<br /> +Esher, Lord, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><br /> +<br /> +Eskgrove, Lord, <a href="#Page_155">155</a>, <a href="#Page_160">160</a>, <a href="#Page_161">161</a>, <a href="#Page_162">162</a>, <a href="#Page_164">164</a>, <a href="#Page_199">199</a><br /> +<br /> +Evans, <a href="#Page_228">228</a><br /> +<br /> +Eve, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_69">69</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Fisher, Dr., <a href="#Page_19">19</a><br /> +<br /> +Fitton, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_127">127</a><br /> +<br /> +Flood, Right Hon. H., <a href="#Page_110">110</a><br /> +<br /> +Forglen, Lord, <a href="#Page_160">160</a><br /> +<br /> +Fortesque, Lord, <a href="#Page_8">8</a><br /> +<br /> +Foster, Judge, <a href="#Page_113">113</a><br /> +<br /> +Fountainhall, Lord, <a href="#Page_153">153</a>, <a href="#Page_154">154</a><br /> +<br /> +Furton, Sir Thomas, <a href="#Page_132">132</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Gardenstone, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Garrick, David, <a href="#Page_243">243</a><br /> +<br /> +George III, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>, <a href="#Page_24">24</a><br /> +<br /> +Gillespie, Rev. Dr., <a href="#Page_238">238</a><br /> +<br /> +Gillon, Joseph, W.S., <a href="#Page_219">219</a><br /> +<br /> +Glengarry, <a href="#Page_161">161</a><br /> +<br /> +Gould, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_22">22</a>, <a href="#Page_30">30</a>, <a href="#Page_60">60</a>, <a href="#Page_71">71</a><br /> +<br /> +Grady, H. D., <a href="#Page_135">135-136</a><br /> +<br /> +Graham, Baron, <a href="#Page_34">34</a><br /> +<br /> +Grantham, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_58">58</a><br /> +<br /> +Guildford, Lord, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Guthrie, Lord, <a href="#Page_193">193</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Hailes, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Halkerston, Lord, <a href="#Page_163">163</a><br /> +<br /> +Halligan, Denis, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>, <a href="#Page_114">114</a><br /> +<br /> +Hardwicke, Lord, <a href="#Page_8">8</a><br /> +<br /> +Harper, Sheriff, <a href="#Page_206">206</a><br /> +<br /> +Harris, Billy, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><br /> +<br /> +Hatton, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_5">5</a><br /> +<br /> +Haweis, Rev. H. R., <a href="#Page_223">223</a><br /> +<br /> +Hawkins, Sir Henry (Lord Brampton), <a href="#Page_54">54-57</a><br /> +<br /> +Hayward, Mr., <a href="#Page_132">132</a><br /> +<br /> +Healy, Tim, <a href="#Page_146">146</a>, <a href="#Page_147">147</a><br /> +<br /> +Henderson, Sir John, <a href="#Page_161">161</a><br /> +<br /> +Henn, Chief Baron, <a href="#Page_111">111</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Jonathan, <a href="#Page_111">111</a>, <a href="#Page_112">112</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">William, Judge, <a href="#Page_111">111</a></span><br /> +<br /> +Henry VIII, <a href="#Page_4">4</a><br /> +<br /> +Henry, Patrick, <a href="#Page_224">224</a><br /> +<br /> +Hermand, Lord, <a href="#Page_165">165</a>, <a href="#Page_174">174</a>, <a href="#Page_176">176</a>, <a href="#Page_179">179-181</a><br /> +<br /> +Herrick, Mr., <a href="#Page_141">141</a><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span><br /> +Hill, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_69">69</a>, <a href="#Page_70">70</a><br /> +<br /> +Holmes, Mr., <a href="#Page_138">138</a><br /> +<br /> +Holroyd, Chief Justice, <a href="#Page_38">38</a><br /> +<br /> +Holt, Lord Justice, <a href="#Page_37">37</a><br /> +<br /> +Hook, John, <a href="#Page_224">224</a><br /> +<br /> +Horne, Mr., Dean of Faculty, <a href="#Page_193">193</a><br /> +<br /> +Horner, Mr., <a href="#Page_183">183</a><br /> +<br /> +Hyde, Edward (Lord Campden), <a href="#Page_7">7</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Jackson, Sheriff Officer, <a href="#Page_116">116</a><br /> +<br /> +James, Edwin, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>, <a href="#Page_86">86</a><br /> +<br /> +James V, <a href="#Page_153">153</a><br /> +<br /> +Jeffrey, Lord, <a href="#Page_172">172</a>, <a href="#Page_187">187</a><br /> +<br /> +Jeffreys, Judge, <a href="#Page_7">7</a><br /> +<br /> +Jekyll, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_79">79</a>, <a href="#Page_80">80</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Kames, Lord, <a href="#Page_5">5</a>, <a href="#Page_156">156</a>, <a href="#Page_165">165</a>, <a href="#Page_166">166</a><br /> +<br /> +Keating, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>, <a href="#Page_68">68</a><br /> +<br /> +Keller, Jerry, <a href="#Page_139">139</a><br /> +<br /> +Kennedy, Mrs., <a href="#Page_52">52</a><br /> +<br /> +Kennet, Lord, <a href="#Page_158">158</a><br /> +<br /> +Kenyon, Lord, <a href="#Page_10">10-12</a>, <a href="#Page_22">22-24</a><br /> +<br /> +Kilkerran, Lord, <a href="#Page_163">163</a><br /> +<br /> +Kingston, Duchess of, <a href="#Page_13">13</a><br /> +<br /> +Knight-Bruce, Lord Justice, <a href="#Page_47">47</a>, <a href="#Page_48">48</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Labron, John, <a href="#Page_39">39</a><br /> +<br /> +Landseer, Sir Edwin, <a href="#Page_81">81</a><br /> +<br /> +Lawrence, Sir Thomas, <a href="#Page_85">85</a><br /> +<br /> +Lawson, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_123">123</a><br /> +<br /> +Lee, Jack, <a href="#Page_77">77</a><br /> +<br /> +Leeds, Duke of, <a href="#Page_46">46</a><br /> +<br /> +Lees, Richard, <a href="#Page_206">206</a><br /> +<br /> +Lifford, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_110">110</a><br /> +<br /> +Lockwood, Sir Frank, <a href="#Page_89">89</a>, <a href="#Page_92">92</a><br /> +<br /> +Logan, Sheriff, <a href="#Page_206">206</a><br /> +<br /> +Lysaght, Edward, 136, <a href="#Page_137">137</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +M'Cormick, Samuel, <a href="#Page_175">175</a><br /> +<br /> +Macdonald, Chief Baron, <a href="#Page_34">34</a><br /> +<br /> +Macklin, Actor, <a href="#Page_128">128</a><br /> +<br /> +Maclaren, Lord, <a href="#Page_194">194</a><br /> +<br /> +MacMahon, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_145">145</a><br /> +<br /> +Mahaffy, Ninian, <a href="#Page_140">140</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a><br /> +<br /> +Mair, Ludovick, <a href="#Page_208">208</a><br /> +<br /> +Maloney, Mr., <a href="#Page_130">130</a><br /> +<br /> +Manners, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_141">141</a><br /> +<br /> +Mansfield, Earl of, <a href="#Page_14">14-16</a>, <a href="#Page_74">74</a>, <a href="#Page_205">205</a><br /> +<br /> +Margarot, <a href="#Page_183">183</a><br /> +<br /> +Martin, Baron, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>, <a href="#Page_81">81</a><br /> +<br /> +Maule, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_31">31-34</a><br /> +<br /> +Meadowbank, Lord (first), <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Meadowbank, Lord (second), <a href="#Page_164">164</a>, <a href="#Page_169">169</a>, <a href="#Page_179">179</a><br /> +<br /> +Mellor, Mr., <a href="#Page_91">91</a>, <a href="#Page_92">92</a><br /> +<br /> +Miller, Sir Thomas, <a href="#Page_157">157</a><br /> +<br /> +Millicent, Sir John, <a href="#Page_6">6</a><br /> +<br /> +Milton, Lord, <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Missing, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_75">75</a><br /> +<br /> +Mitchell, John, <a href="#Page_112">112</a><br /> +<br /> +Monboddo, Lord, <a href="#Page_153">153</a>, <a href="#Page_157">157</a><br /> +<br /> +Moncreiff, Lord, <a href="#Page_175">175</a>, <a href="#Page_183">183</a>, <a href="#Page_184">184</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Rev. Sir Henry Wellwood, <a href="#Page_175">175</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Lord Justice-Clerk, <a href="#Page_211">211</a></span><br /> +<br /> +Moore, Frankfort, <a href="#Page_123">123</a><br /> +<br /> +Moore, Judge, <a href="#Page_112">112</a><br /> +<br /> +More, Sir Thomas, <a href="#Page_4">4</a>, <a href="#Page_5">5</a><br /> +<br /> +Muir, Mr., <a href="#Page_82">82</a><br /> +<br /> +Murphy, Mr., gaoler, <a href="#Page_117">117</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Nagle, Mr., <a href="#Page_127">127</a><br /> +<br /> +Nangle, Mr., <a href="#Page_107">107</a>, <a href="#Page_108">108</a>, <a href="#Page_109">109</a><br /> +<br /> +Nares, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_27">27</a><br /> +<br /> +Newhall, Lord, <a href="#Page_160">160</a><br /> +<br /> +Newton, Lord, <a href="#Page_171">171-173</a><br /> +<br /> +Norbury, Lord, <a href="#Page_114">114-117</a>, <a href="#Page_132">132</a>, <a href="#Page_133">133</a>, <a href="#Page_145">145</a><br /> +<br /> +Norfolk, Duke of, <a href="#Page_19">19</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +O'Connell, Daniel, <a href="#Page_117">117</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141-144</a><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span><br /> +O'Flanagan, F. R., <a href="#Page_107">107</a>, <a href="#Page_137">137</a><br /> +<br /> +O'Gorman, Mr., <a href="#Page_139">139</a>, <a href="#Page_140">140</a><br /> +<br /> +O'Grady, Chief Baron, <a href="#Page_117">117-119</a><br /> +<br /> +Orton, Arthur, <a href="#Page_55">55</a><br /> +<br /> +Oswald, Francis, <a href="#Page_95">95</a>, <a href="#Page_96">96</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Page, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_22">22</a><br /> +<br /> +Parker, Chief Baron, <a href="#Page_15">15</a><br /> +<br /> +Parry, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_93">93</a>, <a href="#Page_101">101</a><br /> +<br /> +Parsons, Chief Justice, <a href="#Page_223">223</a>, <a href="#Page_224">224</a><br /> +<br /> +Parsons, Commissioner, <a href="#Page_144">144</a>, <a href="#Page_145">145</a><br /> +<br /> +Patteson, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_61">61</a><br /> +<br /> +Peat, Mr., <a href="#Page_80">80</a><br /> +<br /> +Petigru, Mr., <a href="#Page_231">231</a><br /> +<br /> +Phillimore, Sir Walter, <a href="#Page_57">57</a><br /> +<br /> +Phillips, Charles, <a href="#Page_54">54</a><br /> +<br /> +Phillips, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>, <a href="#Page_128">128</a><br /> +<br /> +Phipps, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_107">107</a><br /> +<br /> +Pigot, Chief Baron, <a href="#Page_141">141</a><br /> +<br /> +Pinckney, Judge W. M., <a href="#Page_230">230</a><br /> +<br /> +Pitfour, Lord, <a href="#Page_158">158</a><br /> +<br /> +Pitmilly, Lord, <a href="#Page_174">174</a><br /> +<br /> +Plowden, Mr., <a href="#Page_55">55</a><br /> +<br /> +Plunket, Lord, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>, <a href="#Page_138">138</a><br /> +<br /> +Polkemmet, Lord, <a href="#Page_155">155</a>, <a href="#Page_163">163</a>, <a href="#Page_164">164</a><br /> +<br /> +Powis, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_8">8</a><br /> +<br /> +Pratt, Sir John, Lord Justice, <a href="#Page_9">9</a><br /> +<br /> +Prime, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_26">26</a>, <a href="#Page_72">72</a><br /> +<br /> +Pritchard, Mary, <a href="#Page_77">77</a><br /> +<br /> +Pyne, Chief Justice, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>, <a href="#Page_108">108</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Queensberry, Duke of, <a href="#Page_29">29</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Raine, Mr., <a href="#Page_100">100</a><br /> +<br /> +Redsdale, Lord Chancellor, <a href="#Page_140">140</a><br /> +<br /> +Reid, David, <a href="#Page_159">159</a>, <a href="#Page_160">160</a><br /> +<br /> +Ribton, Mr., Q.C., <a href="#Page_50">50</a><br /> +<br /> +Robertson, Patrick, Lord, <a href="#Page_188">188</a><br /> +<br /> +Roche, Sir Boyle, <a href="#Page_133">133</a><br /> +<br /> +Rodgers, Judge K., <a href="#Page_241">241</a>, <a href="#Page_247">247</a><br /> +<br /> +Romilly, Lord, <a href="#Page_89">89</a><br /> +<br /> +Rose, Sir George, <a href="#Page_18">18</a><br /> +<br /> +Ross, Charles, <a href="#Page_159">159</a><br /> +<br /> +Russell, Lord John, <a href="#Page_42">42</a><br /> +<br /> +Russell, Lord, of Killowen, <a href="#Page_51">51</a><br /> +<br /> +Rutherford, Lord, <a href="#Page_189">189</a><br /> +<br /> +Rutland, Earl of, <a href="#Page_4">4</a><br /> +<br /> +Ryder, Chief Justice, <a href="#Page_9">9</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Scarlett, Miss, <a href="#Page_43">43</a><br /> +<br /> +Scott, James, Q.C., <a href="#Page_137">137</a><br /> +<br /> +Scott, Sir Walter, <a href="#Page_160">160</a>, <a href="#Page_199">199</a>, <a href="#Page_219">219</a><br /> +<br /> +Shaftesbury, Lord, <a href="#Page_6">6</a><br /> +<br /> +Shand, Lord, <a href="#Page_190">190</a>, <a href="#Page_191">191</a>, <a href="#Page_193">193</a><br /> +<br /> +Shee, Mr., Q.C., <a href="#Page_51">51</a><br /> +<br /> +Sinclair, Sir John, <a href="#Page_30">30</a><br /> +<br /> +Sleigh, Warner, <a href="#Page_83">83</a><br /> +<br /> +Smith, Judge A., <a href="#Page_241">241</a><br /> +<br /> +Smith, F. E., <a href="#Page_95">95</a><br /> +<br /> +Speer, Judge Emery, <a href="#Page_229">229</a><br /> +<br /> +Stanley, Lord, <a href="#Page_41">41</a><br /> +<br /> +Stonefield, Lord, <a href="#Page_157">157</a>, <a href="#Page_185">185</a><br /> +<br /> +Strichen, Lord, <a href="#Page_156">156</a><br /> +<br /> +Sugden, Sir Edward, <a href="#Page_39">39</a><br /> +<br /> +Sullivan, Mr., <a href="#Page_223">223</a><br /> +<br /> +Sumner, Mr., <a href="#Page_234">234</a><br /> +<br /> +Swinton, Lord, <a href="#Page_200">200</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Taylor, Senator, <a href="#Page_230">230</a><br /> +<br /> +Tenterden, Lord, <a href="#Page_25">25</a><br /> +<br /> +Thomas, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_73">73</a><br /> +<br /> +Thomson, Baron, <a href="#Page_34">34</a><br /> +<br /> +Thorpe, W. G., <a href="#Page_86">86</a><br /> +<br /> +Thurlow, Lord, <a href="#Page_10">10-13</a>, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>, <a href="#Page_20">20</a><br /> +<br /> +Townshend, Lord, <a href="#Page_110">110</a><br /> +<br /> +Tunstal, Dr., <a href="#Page_77">77</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Warren, Samuel, <a href="#Page_46">46</a>, <a href="#Page_83">83</a><br /> +<br /> +Wauchope, Mr., of Niddrie, <a href="#Page_186">186</a><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span><br /> +Webster, Daniel, <a href="#Page_227">227</a>, <a href="#Page_228">228</a><br /> +<br /> +Wedderburn, Alexander (Lord Roslin), <a href="#Page_7">7</a><br /> +<br /> +Weldon, Mrs., <a href="#Page_54">54</a><br /> +<br /> +Weller, Mr., <a href="#Page_107">107</a>, <a href="#Page_108">108</a><br /> +<br /> +Westbury, Lord, <a href="#Page_34">34</a>, <a href="#Page_35">35</a>, <a href="#Page_47">47</a><br /> +<br /> +Wharton, Mr., <a href="#Page_94">94</a><br /> +<br /> +Whigham, Mr., <a href="#Page_79">79</a><br /> +<br /> +Wight, Alexander, <a href="#Page_155">155</a><br /> +<br /> +Wightman, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_50">50</a><br /> +<br /> +Wilkins, Serjeant, <a href="#Page_6">6</a>, <a href="#Page_72">72</a>, <a href="#Page_73">73</a><br /> +<br /> +Willes, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>, <a href="#Page_78">78</a><br /> +<br /> +Williams, Montague, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>, <a href="#Page_88">88</a><br /> +<br /> +Wills, Mr. Justice, <a href="#Page_38">38</a><br /> +<br /> +Wirt, William, <a href="#Page_227">227</a>, <a href="#Page_228">228</a><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Yorke, Edward (Lord Hardewicke), <a href="#Page_8">8</a><br /> +<br /> +Young, Lord, <a href="#Page_191">191-193</a><br /> +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SOME_SCOTTISH_BOOKS" id="SOME_SCOTTISH_BOOKS"></a>SOME SCOTTISH BOOKS</h2> + + +<p><b>BOOK of EDINBURGH ANECDOTE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Francis Watt</span>. The stories in "The Book of Edinburgh +Anecdote," good in themselves, illustrate in an interesting way +bygone times. The heroics and the follies, the greatness and the +littleness, the wit and humour of famous or even infamous citizens +are presented in a lively manner. Even to those who know +much about Edinburgh much will be fresh, for the material has +been gathered from many and various, and not seldom obscure, +sources. With thirty-two portraits in collotype and frontispiece in +colour. 312 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>BOOK of GLASGOW ANECDOTE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">D. Macleod Malloch</span>. This book is a storehouse of information +regarding Glasgow, and is full of interesting and amusing +stories of Church, University, medical, legal, municipal, and commercial +life. No such collection of Glasgow anecdotes has hitherto +appeared in any single volume; and their interest is such that this +book should appeal not only to Glasgow people, but also to all who +can appreciate good stories of professional and commercial life, +and stories illustrative of Scottish character. With frontispiece in +colour and thirty-five portraits in collotype. 400 pp. Buckram, +5/- net; Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Hilda T. Skae</span>. This volume contains a compact account of +the life of one of the most romantic figures in Scottish history. It +contains sixteen illustrations in colour besides many portraits, and +merely to turn them over is to gain a more living and reliable idea +of the course of her tragic life, and of the characters of those who surrounded +her, than the most careful of historical descriptions. The +very actors and actresses move before the reader's eyes; and their +stories, ceasing to be distant traditions, are seen to concern the +movements, hesitations, half-hopes, and human impulses of people +strangely like ourselves. 224 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; Velvet +Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>R. L. STEVENSON: MEMORIES</b></p> + +<p>Being twenty-five illustrations, reproduced from photographs, of +Robert Louis Stevenson, his homes and his haunts, many of these +reproduced for the first time. A booklet for every Stevenson lover. +In Japon vellum covers, 1/- net; bound in Japanese vellum, with +illustrations mounted, 2/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="BOOKS_TO_ENTERTAIN" id="BOOKS_TO_ENTERTAIN"></a>BOOKS TO ENTERTAIN</h2> + + +<p><b>THE LIGHTER SIDE OF IRISH LIFE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">George A. Birmingham</span>. Its title suggests unbridled jocularity—and +it is in fact full of inimitable fun; but there is a basis of +solid thought and sympathy to all the mirth. While replenishing +the common stock of Irish stories, Mr Birmingham adjusts our conception +of the race. Mr Kerr's sixteen illustrations in colour form +a gallery of genre studies, sympathetic and yet sincere, that allows +us to look with our own eyes upon Ireland as she really is to-day. +288 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>IRISH LIFE & CHARACTER</b></p> + +<p>By Mrs <span class="smcap">S. C. Hall</span>. "Tales of Irish Life" will remind the reader +more of Lever or Sam Lover than of "Lavengro." It is effervescent +and audacious, ringing with all the fun of the fair, and spiced with +the constant presence of a vivacious and irresistible personality. +The sixteen illustrations by Erskine Nicol are in precisely the same +vein, matching Mrs Hall's sketches so manifestly that it is strange +they have never been united before. To look at them is to laugh. +330 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>LORD COCKBURN'S MEMORIALS</b></p> + +<p>"This volume," says <i>The Saturday Review</i>, "is one of the most +entertaining books a reader could lay his hands on." "The book," +says <i>The Edinburgh Review</i>, "is one of the pleasantest fireside +volumes that has ever been published." Cockburn's pen could tell +a tale as well as his tongue, and to read this book is to sit, unobserved, +at that immortal Round Table, with anecdote and reminiscence +in full tide. With twelve portraits in colour by Sir Henry +Raeburn, and other illustrations. Extra Crown 8vo. 480 pp. +Buckram, 6/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF CARLYLE OF INVERESK (1722-1805)</b></p> + +<p>Edited by <span class="smcap">J. Hill Burton</span>. "He +was the grandest demi-god I ever saw," wrote Sir Walter Scott +of the author of this book. But, as these Memoirs show, he was a +demi-god with a very human heart,—or, at any rate, a "divine" +with a thorough knowledge of the world. It was probably these +qualities that made him such a prominent figure in his day, and it is +certainly these that give his Recollections their unique importance +and raciness. They provide "by far the most vivid picture of Scottish +life and manners that has been given to the world since Scott's +day." This edition has been equipped with a series of thirty-six +portraits reproduced in photogravure of the chief personages who +move in its pages. 612 pp. Buckram, 6/- net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SOME_ENGLISH_BOOKS" id="SOME_ENGLISH_BOOKS"></a>SOME ENGLISH BOOKS</h2> + + +<p><b>THE ENGLISH CHARACTER</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Spencer Leigh Hughes</span>, M.P., <i>Sub-Rosa</i> of the <i>Daily News +and Leader</i>. Although his pen has probably covered more pages +than Balzac's, this is the first time <i>Sub-Rosa</i> has really "turned author." +The charm and penetration of the result suggest that his +readers will never allow him to turn back again. He is a born +essayist, but he has, in addition, the breadth and generosity that +journalism alone can give a man. The combination gives a kind of +golden gossip—criticism without acrimony, fooling without folly. +The work contains sixteen pictures in colour of English types by +Frederick Gardner. 300 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>ENGLISH COUNTRY LIFE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Walter Raymond</span>. Mr Raymond is our modern Gilbert +White; and many of the chapters have a thread of whimsical +drama and delicious humour which will remind the reader of "The +Window in Thrums." It is a book of happiness and peace. It is as +fragrant as lavender or new-mown hay, and as wholesome as curds +and cream. With sixteen illustrations in colour by Wilfrid Ball, R. E. +462 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>ENGLISH LIFE & CHARACTER</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Mary Mitford</span>. Done with a delicate Dutch fidelity, these +little prose pastorals of Miss Mitford's would live were they purely +imaginary—so perfect is their finish, so tender and joyous their +touch. But they have, in addition, the virtue of being entirely +faithful pictures of English village life as it was at the time they +were written. With sixteen illustrations in colour by Stanhope +Forbes, R.A. 350 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>THE RIVER OF LONDON</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Hilaire Belloc</span>. Everybody who has read the "Path to +Rome" will learn with gladness that Mr Hilaire Belloc has written +another book in the same sunny temper, dealing with the oldest +highway in Britain. It is a subject that brings into play all those +high faculties which make Mr Belloc the most genuine man of +letters now alive. The record of the journey makes one of the most +exhilarating books of our time, and the series of Mr Muirhead's +sixteen pictures painted for this book sets the glittering river itself +flowing swiftly past before the eye. 200 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. +Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SOME_LITERARY_BOOKS" id="SOME_LITERARY_BOOKS"></a>SOME LITERARY BOOKS</h2> + + +<p><b>THE DICKENS ORIGINALS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Edwin Pugh</span>. A very large proportion of Dickens' characters +had their living prototypes among his contemporaries and acquaintances. +In this book the author has traced these prototypes, has +made original researches resulting in the discovery of several new +and hitherto unsuspected identities, and has given particulars of +all of them. With thirty portraits of "originals." Extra Cr. 8vo, +400 pp. 6/- net. A book for every Dickens lover.</p> + + +<p><b>THE R. L. STEVENSON ORIGINALS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">E. Blantyre Simpson</span>. The author has an unequalled knowledge +of the fortunate Edinburgh circle who knew their R.L.S. long +before the rest of the world; and she has been enabled to collect a +volume of fresh <i>Stevensoniana</i>, of unrecorded adventures and personal +reminiscences, which will prove inestimably precious to all +lovers of the man and his work. The illustrations are of peculiar importance +as the publisher has been privileged to reproduce a series +of portraits and pictures of the rarest interest to accompany the text. +Four portraits in colour, twenty-five in collotype and several letters +in facsimile. Extra Cr. 8vo, 260 pp. Buckram, 6/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>THE SCOTT ORIGINALS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">W. S. Crockett</span>. The actual drovers and dominies, ladies +and lairds, whom Sir Walter used as his models, figure here, living +their own richly characteristic and romantic lives with unabated +picturesqueness. Mr Crockett's identifications are all based on +strict evidence, the result is that we are given a kind of flowing +sequel to the novels, containing situations, dialogues, anecdotes, +and adventures not included in the books. The forty-four illustrations +comprise many contemporary portraits, including Baron +Bradwardine, Pleydell, Davie Gellatley, Hugh Redgauntlet, Dugald +Dalgetty, and others. 448 pp. Buckram, 6/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>THE FOOTSTEPS OF SCOTT</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">W. S. Crockett</span>. Now that Mr Andrew Lang has left us, Mr +Crockett has probably no equal in his knowledge of the Border +country and its literature, or in his affectionate acquaintance with +the life of Sir Walter. The illustrations are from water-colours +specially painted by Tom Scott, R.S.A. They show his art at its +best. 230 pp. Buckram, 3/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SOME_SCOTTISH_BOOKS_2" id="SOME_SCOTTISH_BOOKS_2"></a>SOME SCOTTISH BOOKS</h2> + + +<p><b>THE KIRK & ITS WORTHIES</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Nicholas Dickson</span> and <span class="smcap">D. Macleod Malloch</span>. Our Scottish +kirk has a great reputation for dourness—but it has probably +kindled more humour than it ever quenched. The pulpits have +inevitably been filled by a race of men disproportionately rich in +"characters," originals, worthies with a gift for pungent expression +and every opportunity for developing it. There is a fund of +good stories here which forms a worthy sequel to Dean Ramsay's +Reminiscences and a living history of an old-world life. The illustrations +consist of sixteen reproductions in colour of paintings by +eminent Scottish artists. The frontispiece is the famous painting +"The Ordination of Elders." 340 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; +Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>SCOTTISH LIFE & CHARACTER</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Dean Ramsay</span>. The Reminiscences of Dean Ramsay are a kind +of literary haggis; and no dish better deserves to be worthily served +up. "Next to the Waverley Novels," says a chief authority, "it has +done more than any other book to make Scottish customs, phrases, +and traits of character familiar to Englishmen at home and abroad." +Mr Henry W. Kerr's illustrations provide a fitting crown to the +feast. These pictures of characteristic Scottish scenes and Scottish +faces give colour to the pen-and-ink descriptions, and bring out the +full flavour of the text. 390 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>ANNALS OF THE PARISH</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">John Galt</span>. The dry humour and whimsical sweetness of John +Galt's masterpiece need no description at this time of day—it is one +of those books, full of "the birr and sneddum that is the juice and +flavour" of life itself, which, like good wines, are the better for long +keeping. It was the first "kail-yard" to be planted in Scottish +letters, and it is still the most fertile. The volume contains sixteen +of Mr Kerr's water-colours, reproduced in colour. 316 pp. +Buckram, 5/- net; Leather, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>MANSIE WAUCH</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">D. M. Moir</span>. This edition of the book, which has been designed +as a companion volume to "The Annals," contains sixteen illustrations +in colour by C. Martin Hardie, R.S.A. Moir was one of +John Galt's chief friends, and, like a good comrade, he brought out +a rival book. Its native blitheness and its racy use of the vernacular +will always keep it alive. 360 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; +Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES" id="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES"></a>PRESENTATION VOLUMES</h2> + + +<p><b>THE MASTER MUSICIANS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">J. Cuthbert Hadden</span>. A book for players, singers, and +listeners, and although the work of an enthusiastic and discerning +musician, it deals with the men rather than their compositions. +There is an abundance of good anecdote, and personal foibles are +not bowdlerised; but the author's taste is perfect and his attitude is +frankly one of human sympathy. With fifteen illustrations. 320 pp. +Buckram, 3/6 net. Velvet Persian and boxed, 5/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>THE MASTER PAINTERS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Stewart Dick</span>. Mr Dick's book is an attempt to compress the +cardinal facts and episodes in the lives of the world's greatest painters +into a series of swift dramatic chapters. The lives of the world's +great artists are often more picturesque than their pictures. With +many illustrations. 270 pp. Buckram, 3/6 net. Velvet +Persian and boxed, 5/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>ARTS & CRAFTS OF OLD JAPAN</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Stewart Dick</span>. "We know of no book," says <i>The Literary +World</i>, "that within such modest limits contrives to convey so +much trustworthy information on Japanese art." The author and +publisher have had the generous co-operation of many famous collectors, +and the thirty illustrations include many exquisite reproductions +of some of the most perfect kakemonos in Europe. +Buckram, 5/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>ARTS & CRAFTS OF ANCIENT EGYPT</b></p> + +<p>By Professor <span class="smcap">W. M. Flinders Petrie</span>. Containing one hundred +and forty illustrations. Small quarto. 228 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. +<i>Second edition</i>. "We cannot speak too highly of the book, so full +and so conveniently displayed is the knowledge which it contains." +<i>Westminster Gazette.</i></p> + + +<p><b>THE WILD FLOWERS</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">J. L. Crawford</span>. This book forms a guide to the commoner +wild flowers of the countryside. It treats flowers as living things. +Its special charm resides in its sixteen illustrations, in colour, of +some of the most delicate flower-studies ever painted by Mr Edwin +Alexander: whose work in this kind is famous throughout Europe. +282 pp. Buckram, 5/- net; Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="VOLUMES_OF_POEMS" id="VOLUMES_OF_POEMS"></a>VOLUMES OF POEMS</h2> + + +<p><b>SONGS OF THE WORLD</b></p> + +<p>As arranged in the volume The Songs of Lady Nairne form a precious +anthology of old favourites, a souvenir rich in special associations. +The Foulis <i>Fergusson</i> is illustrated in a new, and, it is +thought, a welcome way. The result is a volume of rare completeness, +with every detail as perfect and appropriate as careful thought +could achieve. The cream of Hogg's poetry is in the third volume, +which will appeal to all who are in search of a beautiful edition of +the work of Scotland's famous peasant-poet. Each has illustrations +in colour by well-known artists. In Boards, 2/6 net; +Velvet Persian, 3/6 net.</p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 2em;">1. SONGS OF LADY NAIRNE<br /> +2. THE SCOTS POEMS OF ROBERT FERGUSSON<br /> +3. SONGS & POEMS OF THE ETTRICK SHEPHERD<br /> +</p> + + +<p><b>SONGS & POEMS OF BURNS</b></p> + +<p>Complete edition, with introductory appreciation by The Earl of +Rosebery. This edition is one of the most beautiful books ever produced +in Scotland. It is printed on antique paper of special quality, +with rubricated initials and spacious margins. The forty-six illustrations +in colour are unique in their scope, being the work exclusively +of the foremost Scottish artists. Readers, therefore, when +they read the poems here will be enabled to see the characters +created in words by one dreamer, taking graphic shape and form, in +colour and line, in the responsive vision of another. The binding of +the book is russet Scottish buckram; and it is specially worthy of +notice in this instance that every detail is the work of Scottish +craftsmen. Quarto, 660 pp. Printed in fine Rag paper, and bound +in buckram, 10/6 net. Bound in the finest Vellum, 21/- net.</p> + + +<p><b>POEMS OF ADAM LINDSAY GORDON</b></p> + +<p>Adam Lindsay Gordon is generally called the Byron of Australia. +But he played far more parts than Byron, and crowded more genuine +romance into his tragic life than even the sixth Baron of +Rochdale. In "The Sick Stock Rider" he reproduces the colonial +bush as keenly as Kipling reproduces India. His "How we Beat +the Favourite" is the finest ballad of the turf in the language. He +is, above everything, the sportsman's poet. This edition contains +twelve stirring illustrations in colour by Captain G. D. Giles. 336 +pages. Buckram, 5/- net. Bound in Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES_2" id="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES_2"></a>PRESENTATION VOLUMES</h2> + + +<p style="font-weight: bold;">FRIENDSHIP BOOKS</p> + +<p>Printed in two colours, and in attractive bindings, 2/6 net; +bound in finest Velvet Persian, 3/6 net.</p> + +<p>Half-crown volumes designed specially to meet the requirements +of book-lovers in search of appropriate yet distinctive souvenirs. +Each volume has its own individuality in coloured illustrations and +the effect is aristocratic and exclusive.</p> + +<p> +RUBÁIYÁT OF OMAR KHAYYÁM<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With eight illustrations in colour by <span class="smcap">F. Brangwyn</span>, R.A.</span><br /> +<br /> +THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Illustrations in colour by <span class="smcap">H. C. Preston Macgoun</span>. 270 pp.</span><br /> +<br /> +THE DREAM OF GERONTIUS<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">By <span class="smcap">Cardinal Newman</span>. Illustrations by <span class="smcap">R. T. Rose</span>.</span><br /> +<br /> +THE GIFT OF LOVE<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The noblest passages in literature dealing with love. 156 pp.</span><br /> +<br /> +SAPPHO, QUEEN OF SONG<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">A selection from her love poems by <span class="smcap">J. R. Tutin</span>.</span><br /> +<br /> +AUCASSIN & NICOLETTE<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With introduction by <span class="smcap">F. W. Bourdillon</span>.</span><br /> +<br /> +THE CHARM OF LIFE<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With illustrations by <span class="smcap">Frederick Gardner</span>.</span><br /> +<br /> +THE BOOK OF GOOD FRIENDSHIP<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With illus. by <span class="smcap">H. C. Preston Macgoun</span>, R.S.W. 132 pp.</span><br /><br /> +</p> + + +<p><b>THE GARDEN LOVER'S BOOKS</b></p> + +<p>Printed in two colours, and in attractive bindings, 2/6 net; bound +in finest Velvet Persian, 3/6 net. The appearance of these books +alone confers distinction; ungrudging care has been lavished on their +production from the choice of type to the colour of the silk markers. +They make ideal gifts for anyone to whom gardens appeal.</p> + +<p> +A BOOK OF GARDENS<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Illustrated by <span class="smcap">Margaret H. Waterfield</span>. 140 pp.</span><br /> +<br /> +A BOOK OF OLD-WORLD GARDENS<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With eight illus. in colour by <span class="smcap">Beatrice Parsons</span>. 122 pp.</span><br /> +<br /> +GARDEN MEMORIES<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;">With eight illus. in colour by <span class="smcap">Mary G. W. Wilson</span>. 120 pp.</span><br /> +</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="ILLUSTRATED_VOLUMES" id="ILLUSTRATED_VOLUMES"></a>ILLUSTRATED VOLUMES</h2> + + +<p style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 1.2em;">THE CITIES SERIES</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>In Japon vellum covers, 1/- net; bound in Japanese Vellum, with +illustrations mounted, 2/6 net.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="font-weight: bold">1. A LITTLE BOOK OF LONDON</span><br /> +<span class="adsmall">25 DRAWINGS BY JOSEPH PENNELL.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="font-weight: bold">2. THE GREAT NEW YORK</span><br /> +<span class="adsmall">24 DRAWINGS IN PHOTOGRAVURE BY JOSEPH PENNELL.</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>These reproductions of +the 49 etchings in which he has registered the aspect of contemporary +London and New York are among the most brilliant and incisive of Mr +Pennell's contributions to art.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="font-weight: bold">3. THE CITY OF THE WEST</span><br /> +<span class="adsmall">24 DRAWINGS IN PHOTOGRAVURE BY JESSIE M. KING.</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Miss Jessie M. King's twenty-four drawings of its duskier corners +bring out an endearing side of the character of old Glasgow.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="font-weight: bold">4. THE GREY CITY OF THE NORTH</span><br /> +<span class="adsmall">24 DRAWINGS BY JESSIE M. KING.</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>This collection of her work consists of a series of portraits of the Old +Town of Edinburgh, their haunting delicacy and gnomish charm.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="font-weight: bold">5. R. L. STEVENSON: MEMORIES</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>These twenty-five photographs from a private collection depict +R. L. S., his father, his mother, his wife, his old nurse, his successive +homes in Scotland and Samoa, the cottage at Swanston where he +spent his holidays as a boy as well as that last resting-place on the +summit of Vaea, which the natives call the shrine of Tusitala.</p><br /></div> + + +<p><b>MANNERS & CUSTOMS OF YE ENGLYSHE</b></p> + +<p>49 drawings by Richard Doyle, with letterpress by Percival Leigh. +By far the best of Doyle's drawings were those which appeared in +"Punch" under the title of "Manners and Customs of Ye Englishe." +His sense of humour was as sturdy as his draughtsmanship +was delicate and the union is comedy exquisite.</p> + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> + + +<p><b>THE SERVILE STATE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Hilaire Belloc</span>. The Servile State is a study of the tendency +of modern legislation in industrial society and particularly in England +not towards Socialism but towards the establishment of two +legally separate classes, one a small class in possession of the means +of production, the other a much larger class subjected to compulsory +labour under the guarantee of a legal sufficiency to maintain +themselves. The result of such an establishment and the forces +working for and against it, as well as the remedies are fully discussed. +234 pp. Cr. 8vo Boards, 1/- net. Buckram, 2/6 net.</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES_3" id="PRESENTATION_VOLUMES_3"></a>PRESENTATION VOLUMES</h2> + + +<p><b>NELL GWYN</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Cecil Chesterton</span>. The author has carried out the task entrusted +to him with an admirable clearness and impartiality. The +book is richly illustrated; the many portraits reflect the impudent, +infamous, irresistible child-face in all its enchanting phases. Twenty +illustrations—four in colour. 232 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet +Persian and boxed, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>LADY HAMILTON</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">E. Hallam Moorhouse</span>. "Out of all the vicissitudes of her +extraordinary life she snatched one lasting triumph—her name +spells beauty." The many fine portraits in this work demonstrate, +as words can never do, that extraordinary nobility of temperament +which was the main characteristic of Nelson's Cleopatra. Twenty-three +illustrations—four in colour. 236 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. +Velvet Persian and boxed, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>MARIE ANTOINETTE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">Francis Bickley</span>. A picturesque but restrained book. The +illustrations are all reproductions of portraits. They prove, once +more, the power which contemporary paintings have of making +history intimate and real. Twenty illustrations—four in colour. +204 pp. Buckram, 5/- net. Velvet Persian and boxed, 7/6 net.</p> + + +<p><b>PRINCE CHARLIE</b></p> + +<p>By <span class="smcap">William Power</span>. It is curious to see how profoundly lives in +themselves so ill-fated have the power to encourage and stimulate +the reader. Few figures are more real than The Pretender's. His +sufferings have been turned into songs and great stories; his old +calamities are our present consolation. This volume contains reproduction +in colour of sixteen Jacobite pictures and seven portraits +in collotype. 200 pp. In Buckram, 5/- net; Velvet Persian, 7/6 net.</p> + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> + + +<p><b>RUBÁIYÁT OF OMAR KHAYYÁM</b></p> + +<p>Illus. by <span class="smcap">Frank Brangwyn</span>, R.A. The sumptuous virility of the +artist's work is specially suitable for the purpose of sustaining and +emphasising that element of lofty sensuousness of the whole impassioned +song. With eight illustrations in colour. 120 pp. +Buckram, 3/6 net. Velvet Persian and boxed, 5/- net.</p> + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SOME_FOULIS_BOOKLETS" id="SOME_FOULIS_BOOKLETS"></a>SOME FOULIS BOOKLETS</h2> + + +<p><b>MAXIMS OF LIFE SERIES</b></p> + +<p>A set of miniature volumes, exquisitely produced, designed to hold +the essence of the wisdom of some of the world's keenest intelligences. +The <i>Napoleon</i> volume, for instance, thus contains the essential +creed of the man who towered above his time like a Colossus. +That of <i>Madame de Sévigné</i>, again, holds the attar of an +intellect that dazzled the most brilliant court of France. In the <i>La +Rochefoucauld</i> is the essence of the worldly wisdom of one of the +cleverest judges of men and things. And the <i>George Sand</i> preserves +the private philosophy which a passionate woman slowly distilled +as she made her stormy pilgrimage through life. Each of these +volumes, which contain illustrations in line and colour, is a slender +casket of jewels. In decorative wrapper, 6d. net. Bound in Velvet +Persian Yapp, 1/- net; also in Japon Vellum, 1/- net. 120 pp.</p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 2em;">1. NAPOLEON<br /> +2. MADAME DE SÉVIGNÉ<br /> +3. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD<br /> +4. GEORGE SAND<br /> +5. NIETZSCHE<br /><br /> +</p> + + +<p><b>LES PETITS LIVRES D'OR</b></p> + +<p>The minted gold of French verse and prose has been packed away +here and there are few of the French wits and poets whose works +have not been rifled for these charming booklets. Not even in +Paris, the home of <i>chic</i>, has anything of the sort been seen before. +In designed covers, each illustrated in colour, 6d. net. In Velvet +Persian, 1/- net.</p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 2em;">1. UN PETIT LIVRE D'AMOUR<br /> +2. UN PETIT LIVRE D'AMITIÉ<br /> +3. UN PETIT LIVRE DE SAGESSE<br /> +4. AUCASSIN ET NICOLETTE<br /><br /> +</p> + + +<p><b>DIE ROSEN VOM PARNASS</b></p> + +<p>These are the German equivalents of the Foulis French <i>petits</i>, and, +like the latter, they have created a small <i>furore</i> on the Continent. +The delicately reproduced "full-page" illustrations are, once more, +the work of some of the most distinguished Scottish and English +painters. In designed covers, each illustrated in colour, 6d. net. +In Velvet Persian, 1/- net.</p> + + +<p style="margin-left: 2em;"> +1. LIEDER VON HEINE<br /> +2. DEUTSCHE LIEBESLIEDER<br /> +3. FREUNDSCHAFTSLIEDER<br /> +4. WANDERLIEDER<br /><br /> +</p> + + +<h4>T·N·FOULIS·PUBLISHER</h4> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="Transcribers_Note" id="Transcribers_Note"></a>Transcriber's Note:</h2> + +<p>Illustrations have been moved slightly to coincide with the mention of +the person named in the caption. The hyperlinks in the <a href="#LIST_OF_PORTRAITS">List of Portraits</a> have been changed +to reflect this movement. The page numbers in that list have not been changed.</p> + +<p>This book includes a lot of dialect, which often looks misspelled but +was intentionally written that way. Therefore, some irregularities that +might be errors have not been corrected in order to preserve author +intent. Name variants (mostly occurring in the index) also have not been +corrected. However, obvious errors have been corrected, and punctuation +has been standardized where appropriate.</p> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Law and Laughter, by +George Alexander Morton and Donald Macleod Malloch + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LAW AND LAUGHTER *** + +***** This file should be named 30003-h.htm or 30003-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/0/0/0/30003/ + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Rose Acquavella and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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