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diff --git a/29976.txt b/29976.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..09f65bf --- /dev/null +++ b/29976.txt @@ -0,0 +1,769 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Weak on Square Roots, by Russell Burton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Weak on Square Roots + +Author: Russell Burton + +Illustrator: Tom Beecham + +Release Date: September 13, 2009 [EBook #29976] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEAK ON SQUARE ROOTS *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + _Does your wife call you Pumpkinhead? Well, maybe + it's _not_ an insult; it might be a pet name. + Ah--but _whose_ pet name?_ + + +_WEAK_ ON SQUARE ROOTS + +_By Russell Burton_ + +Illustrated by TOM BEECHAM + + +As his coach sped through dusk-darkened Jersey meadows, Ronald Lovegear, +fourteen years with Allied Electronix, embraced his burden with both +arms, silently cursing the engineer who was deliberately rocking the +train. In his thin chest he nursed the conviction that someday there +would be an intelligent robot at the throttle of the 5:10 to +Philadelphia. + +He carefully moved one hand and took a notebook from his pocket. That +would be a good thing to mention at the office next Monday. + +Again he congratulated himself for having induced his superiors to let +him take home the company's most highly developed mechanism to date. He +had already forgiven himself for the little white lie that morning. + +"Pascal," he had told them, "is a little weak on square roots." That had +done it! + +Old Hardwick would never permit an Allied computer to hit the market +that was not the absolute master of square roots. If Lovegear wanted to +work on Pascal on his own time it was fine with the boss. + +Ronald Lovegear consulted his watch. He wondered if his wife would be on +time. He had told Corinne twice over the phone to bring the station +wagon to meet him. But she had been so forgetful lately. It was probably +the new house; six rooms to keep up without a maid was quite a chore. +His pale eyes blinked. He had a few ideas along that line too. He smiled +and gave the crate a gentle pat. + + * * * * * + +Corinne was at the station, and she had brought the station wagon. +Lovegear managed to get the crate to the stairs of the coach where he +consented to the assistance of a porter. + +[Illustration] + +"It's not really heavy," he told Corinne as he and the porter waddled +through the crowd. "Actually only 57 pounds, four ounces. Aluminum +casing, you know ..." + +"No, I didn't ..." began Corinne. + +"But it's delicate," he continued. "If I should drop this ..." He +shuddered. + +After the crate had been placed lengthwise in the rear of the station +wagon, Corinne watched Ronald tuck a blanket around it. + +"It's not very cold, Ronald." + +"I don't want it to get bounced around," he said. "Now, please, Corinne, +do drive carefully." Not until she had driven half a block did he kiss +her on the cheek. Then he glanced anxiously over his shoulder at the +rear seat. Once he thought Corinne hit a rut that could have been +avoided. + +Long after Corinne had retired that night she heard Ronald pounding with +a brass hammer down in his den. At first she had insisted he take the +crate out to his workshop. He looked at her with scientific aloofness +and asked if she had the slightest conception of what "this is worth?" +She hadn't, and she went to bed. It was only another one of his gestures +which was responsible for these weird dreams. That night she dreamed +Ronald brought home a giant octopus which insisted on doing the dishes +for her. In the morning she woke up feeling unwanted. + +Downstairs Ronald had already put on the coffee. He was wearing his robe +and the pinched greyness of his face told Corinne he had been up half +the night. He poured coffee for her, smiling wanly. "If I have any +commitments today, Corinne, will you please see that they are taken care +of?" + +"But you were supposed to get the wallpaper for the guest room...." + +"I know, I know, dear. But time is so short. They might want Pascal +back any day. For the next week or two I shall want to devote most of +my time ..." + +"_Pascal?_" + +"Yes. The machine--the computer." He smiled at her ignorance. "We +usually name the expensive jobs. You see, a computer of this nature is +really the heart and soul of the mechanical man we will construct." + +Corinne didn't see, but in a few minutes she strolled toward the den, +balancing her coffee in both hands. With one elbow she eased the door +open. There it was: an innocent polished cabinet reaching up to her +shoulders. Ronald had removed one of the plates from its side and she +peeped into the section where the heart and soul might be located. She +saw only an unanatomical array of vacuum tubes and electrical relays. + +She felt Ronald at her back. "It looks like the inside of a juke box," +she said. + +He beamed. "The same relay systems used in the simple juke box are +incorporated in a computer." He placed one hand lovingly on the top of +the cabinet. + +"But, Ronald--it doesn't even resemble a--a mechanical man?" + +"That's because it doesn't have any appendages as yet. You know, arms +and legs. That's a relatively simple adjustment." He winked at Corinne +with a great air of complicity. "And I have some excellent ideas along +that line. Now, run along, because I'll be busy most of the day." + + * * * * * + +Corinne ran along. She spent most of the day shopping for week-end +necessities. On an irrational last-minute impulse--perhaps an +unconscious surrender to the machine age--she dug in the grocery deep +freeze and brought out a couple of purple steaks. + +That evening she had to call Ronald three times for dinner, and when he +came out of the den she noticed that he closed the door the way one does +upon a small child. He chattered about inconsequential matters all +through dinner. Corinne knew that his work was going smoothly. A few +minutes later she was to know how smoothly. + +It started when she began to put on her apron to do the dishes. "Let +that go for now, dear," Ronald said, taking the apron from her. He went +into the den, returning with a small black box covered with push +buttons. "Now observe carefully," he said, his voice pitched high. + +He pushed one of the buttons, waited a second with his ear cocked toward +the den, then pushed another. + +Corinne heard the turning of metal against metal, and she slowly turned +her head. + +"Oh!" She suppressed a shriek, clutching Ronald's arm so tightly he +almost dropped the control box. + +Pascal was walking under his own effort, considerably taller now with +the round, aluminum legs Ronald had given him. Two metal arms also hung +at the sides of the cabinet. One of these rose stiffly, as though for +balance. Corinne's mouth opened as she watched the creature jerk +awkwardly across the living room. + +"Oh, Ronald! The fishbowl!" + +Ronald stabbed knowingly at several buttons. + +Pascal pivoted toward them, but not before his right arm swung out and, +almost contemptuously, brushed the fishbowl to the floor. + +Corinne closed her eyes at the crash. Then she scooped up several little +golden bodies and rushed for the kitchen. When she returned Ronald was +picking up pieces of glass and dabbing at the pool of water with one of +her bathroom towels. Pascal, magnificently aloof, was standing in the +center of the mess. + +"I'm sorry." Ronald looked up. "It was my fault. I got confused on the +buttons." + +But Corinne's glances toward the rigid Pascal held no indictment. She +was only mystified. There was something wrong here. + +"But Ronald, he's so ugly without a head. I thought that all robots--" + +"Oh, no," he explained, "we would put heads on them for display purposes +only. Admittedly that captures the imagination of the public. That +little adapter shaft at the top could be the neck, of course...." + +He waved Corinne aside and continued his experiments with the home-made +robot. Pascal moved in controlled spasms around the living room. Once, +he walked just a little too close to the floor-length window--and +Corinne stood up nervously. But Ronald apparently had mastered the +little black box. + +With complete confidence Corinne went into the kitchen to do the dishes. +Not until she was elbow deep in suds did she recall her dreams about the +octopus. She looked over her shoulder, and the curious, unwanted feeling +came again. + + * * * * * + +The following afternoon--after Ronald had cancelled their Sunday drive +into the country--Pascal, with constant exhortations by Ronald at the +black box, succeeded in vacuum cleaning the entire living room. Ronald +was ecstatic. + +"Now do you understand?" he asked Corinne. "A mechanical servant! Think +of it! Of course mass production may be years away, but ..." + +"Everyone will have Thursday nights off," said Corinne--but Ronald was +already jabbing at buttons as Pascal dragged the vacuum cleaner back to +its niche in the closet. + +Later, Corinne persuaded Ronald to take her to a movie, but not until +the last moment was she certain that Pascal wasn't going to drag along. + +Every afternoon of the following week Ronald Lovegear called from the +laboratory in New York to ask how Pascal was getting along. + +"Just fine," Corinne told him on Thursday afternoon. "But he certainly +ruined some of the tomato plants in the garden. He just doesn't seem to +hoe in a straight line. Are you certain it's the green button I push?" + +"It's probably one of the pressure regulators," interrupted Ronald. +"I'll check it when I get home." Corinne suspected by his lowered voice +that Mr. Hardwick had walked into the lab. + +That night Pascal successfully washed and dried the dishes, cracking +only one cup in the process. Corinne spent the rest of the evening +sitting in the far corner of the living room, thumbing the pages of a +magazine. + +On the following afternoon--prompted perhaps by that perverse female +trait which demands completion of all projects once started--Corinne +lingered for several minutes in the vegetable department at the grocery. +She finally picked out a fresh, round and blushing pumpkin. + +Later in her kitchen, humming a little tune under her breath, Corinne +deftly maneuvered a paring knife to transform the pumpkin into a very +reasonable facsimile of a man's head. She placed the pumpkin over the +tiny shaft between Pascal's box-shaped shoulders and stepped back. + +She smiled at the moon-faced idiot grinning back at her. He was +complete, and not bad-looking! But just before she touched the red +button once and the blue button twice--which sent Pascal stumbling out +to the backyard to finish weeding the circle of pansies before +dinner--she wondered about the gash that was his mouth. She distinctly +remembered carving it so that the ends curved upward into a frozen and +quite harmless smile. But one end of the toothless grin seemed to sag a +little, like the cynical smile of one who knows his powers have been +underestimated. + +Corinne would not have had to worry about her husband's reaction to the +new vegetable-topped Pascal. Ronald accepted the transformation +good-naturedly, thinking that a little levity, once in a while, was a +good thing. + +"And after all," said Corinne later that evening, "I'm the one who has +to spend all day in the house with ..." She lowered her voice: "With +Pascal." + +But Ronald wasn't listening. He retired to his den to finish the plans +for the mass production of competent mechanical men. One for every home +in America.... He fell asleep with the thought. + + * * * * * + +Corinne and Pascal spent the next two weeks going through pretty much +the same routine. He, methodically jolting through the household chores; +she, walking aimlessly from room to room, smoking too many cigarettes. +She began to think of Pascal as a boarder. Strange--at first he had been +responsible for that unwanted feeling. But now his helpfulness around +the house had lightened her burden. And he was so cheerful all the time! +After living with Ronald's preoccupied frown for seven years ... + +After luncheon one day, when Pascal neglected to shut off the garden +hose, she caught herself scolding him as if he were human. Was that a +shadow from the curtain waving in the breeze, or did she see a hurt look +flit across the mouth of the pumpkin? Corinne put out her hand and +patted Pascal's cylindrical wrist. + +It was warm--_flesh_ warm. + +She hurried upstairs and stood breathing heavily with her back to the +door. A little later she thought she heard someone--someone with a heavy +step--moving around downstairs. + +"I left the control box down there," she thought. "Of course, it's +absurd...." + +At four o'clock she went slowly down the stairs to start Ronald's +dinner. Pascal was standing by the refrigerator, exactly where she had +left him. Not until she had started to peel the potatoes did she notice +the little bouquet of pansies in the center of the table. + +Corinne felt she needed a strong cup of tea. She put the water on and +placed a cup on the kitchen table. Not until she was going to sit down +did she decide that perhaps Pascal should be in the other room. + +She pressed the red button, the one which should turn him around, and +the blue button, which should make him walk into the living room. She +heard the little buzz of mechanical life as Pascal began to move. But he +did not go into the other room! He was holding a chair for her, and she +sat down rather heavily. A sudden rush of pleasure reddened her cheeks. +_Not since sorority days ..._ + +Before Pascal's arms moved away she touched his wrist again, softly, +only this time her hand lingered. And his wrist _was_ warm! + + * * * * * + +"When do they want Pascal back at the lab?" she asked Ronald at dinner +that evening, trying to keep her voice casual. + +Ronald smiled. "I think I might have him indefinitely, dear. I've got +Hardwick convinced I'm working on something revolutionary." He stopped. +"Oh, Corinne! You've spilled coffee all over yourself." + +The following night Ronald was late in getting home from work. It was +raining outside the Newark station and the cabs deliberately evaded him. +He finally caught a bus, which deposited him one block from his house. +He cut through the back alley, hurrying through the rain. Just before he +started up the stairs he glanced through the lighted kitchen window. He +stopped, gripping the railing for support. + +In the living room were Pascal and Corinne. Pascal was reclining +leisurely in the fireside chair; Corinne was standing in front of him. +It was the expression on her face which stopped Ronald Lovegear. The +look was a compound of restraint and compulsion, the reflection of some +deep struggle in Corinne's soul. Then she suddenly leaned forward and +pressed her lips to Pascal's full, fleshy pumpkin mouth. Slowly, one of +Pascal's aluminum arms moved up and encircled her waist. + +Mr. Lovegear stepped back into the rain. He stood there for several +minutes. The rain curled around the brim of his hat, dropped to his +face, and rolled down his cheeks with the slow agitation of tears. + +When, finally, he walked around to the front and stamped heavily up the +stairs, Corinne greeted him with a flush in her cheeks. Ronald told her +that he didn't feel "quite up to dinner. Just coffee, please." When it +was ready he sipped slowly, watching Corinne's figure as she moved +around the room. She avoided looking at the aluminum figure in the +chair. + +Ronald put his coffee down, walked over to Pascal, and, gripping him +behind the shoulders, dragged him into the den. + +Corinne stood looking at the closed door and listened to the furious +pounding. + + * * * * * + +Ten minutes later Ronald came out and went straight to the phone. + +"Yes! Immediately!" he told the man at the freight office. While he sat +there waiting Corinne walked upstairs. + +Ronald did not offer to help the freight men drag the box outside. When +they had gone he went into the den and came back with the pumpkin. He +opened the back door and hurled it out into the rain. It cleared the +back fence and rolled down the alley stopping in a small puddle in the +cinders. + +After a while the water level reached the mouth and there was a soft +choking sound. The boy who found it the next morning looked at the mouth +and wondered why anyone would carve such a sad Jack-O'-Lantern. + + +THE END + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ July + 1953. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Weak on Square Roots, by Russell Burton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WEAK ON SQUARE ROOTS *** + +***** This file should be named 29976.txt or 29976.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/9/7/29976/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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