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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.07.00*END* +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +</font> + + + + +<center>THE MIDDLE CLASS GENTLEMAN +<p>(Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme) +<p>by +<p>MOLIÈRE +<p>(Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, 1622-1673) +<p>Translated by +<p>Philip Dwight Jones</center> + +<p>Comedy-Ballet presented at Chambord, for the entertainment of the King, +in the month of October 1670, and to the public in Paris for the first +time at the Palais-Royal Theater 23 November 1670 +<p>The Cast +<p>Monsieur Jourdain, <i>bourgeois</i>. +<br>Madame Jourdain, <i>his wife</i>. +<br>Lucile, <i>their daughter</i>. +<br>Nicole, <i>maid</i>. +<br>Cléonte, <i>suitor of Lucile</i>. +<br>Covielle, <i>Cléonte's valet.</i> +<br>Dorante, <i>Count, suitor of Dorimène</i>. +<br>Dorimène, <i>Marchioness.</i> +<br>Music Master. +<br>Pupil of the Music Master. +<br>Dancing Master. +<br>Fencing Master. +<br>Master of Philosophy. +<br>Tailor. +<br>Tailor's apprentice. +<br>Two lackeys. +<br>Many male and female musicians, instrumentalists, dancers, cooks, tailor's +apprentices, and others necessary for the interludes. +<p><i>The scene is Monsieur Jourdain's house in Paris.</i> <i> </i> +<p>ACT ONE +<p>SCENE I <i>(Music Master, Dancing Master, Musicians, and Dancers)</i> +<p><i>(The play opens with a great assembly of instruments, and in the +middle of the stage is a</i> <i>pupil of the Music Master seated at a table +composing a melody</i> <i>which Monsieur Jourdain has ordered for a serenade.)</i> +<p>MUSIC MASTER: <i>(To Musicians)</i> Come, come into this room, sit there +and wait until he comes. +<p>DANCING MASTER: <i>(To dancers)</i> And you too, on this side. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: <i>(To Pupil)</i> Is it done? +<p>PUPIL: Yes. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Let's see. . . This is good. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Is it something new? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Yes, it's a melody for a serenade that I set him to composing +here, while waiting for our man to awake. +<p>DANCING MASTER: May I see it? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You'll hear it, with the dialogue, when he comes. He won't +be long. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Our work, yours and mine, is not trivial at present. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: This is true. We've found here such a man as we both need. +This is a nice source of income for us -- this Monsieur Jourdain, with +the visions of nobility and gallantry that he has gotten into his head. +You and I should hope that everyone resembled him. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Not entirely; I could wish that he understood better +the things that we give him. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: It's true that he understands them poorly, but he pays +well, and that's what our art needs now more than anything else. +<p>DANCING MASTER: As for me, I admit, I feed a little on glory. Applause +touches me; and I hold that, in all the fine arts, it is painful to produce +for dolts, to endure the barbarous opinions of a fool about my choreography. +It is a pleasure, don't tell me otherwise, to work for people who can appreciate +the fine points of an art, who know how to give a sweet reception to the +beauties of a work and, by pleasurable approbations, gratify us for our +labor. Yes, the most agreeable recompense we can receive for the things +we do is to see them recognized and flattered by an applause that honors +us. There is nothing, in my opinion, that pays us better for all our fatigue; +and it is an exquisite delight to receive the praises of the well-informed. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: I agree, and I enjoy them as you do. There is surely nothing +more agreeable than the applause you speak of; but that incense does not +provide a living. Pure praises do not provide a comfortable existence; +it is necessary to add something solid, and the best way to praise is to +praise with cash-in-hand. He's a man, it's true, whose insight is very +slight, who talks nonsense about everything and applauds only for the wrong +reasons but his money makes up for his judgments. He has discernment in +his purse. His praises are in cash, and this ignorant bourgeois is worth +more to us, as you see, than the educated nobleman who introduced us here. +<p>DANCING MASTER: There is some truth in what you say; but I find that +you lean a little too heavily on money; and material interest is something +so base that a man of good taste should never show an attachment to it. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You are ready enough to receive the money our man gives +you. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Assuredly; but I don't place all my happiness in it, +and I could wish that together with his fortune he had some good taste +in things. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: I could wish it too, that's what both of us are working +for as much as we can. But, in any case, he gives us the means to make +ourselves known in the world; and he will pay others if they will praise +him. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Here he comes. +<p>SCENE II <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Two Lackeys, Music Master, Dancing Master, +Pupil, Musicians, and Dancers)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well gentlemen? What's this? Are you going to show +me your little skit? +<p>DANCING MASTER: How? What little skit? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well, the. . . What-do-you-call it? Your prologue +or dialogue of songs and dances. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Ha, ha! +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You find us ready for you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I kept you waiting a little, but it's because I'm +having myself dressed today like the people of quality, and my tailor sent +me some silk stockings that I thought I would never get on. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: We are here only to wait upon your leisure. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I want you both to stay until they have brought me +my suit, so that you may see me. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Whatever you would like. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You will see me fitted out properly, from head to +foot. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: We have no doubt of it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I had this robe made for me. +<p>DANCING MASTER: It's very attractive. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My tailor told me the people of quality dress like +this in the mornings. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: It's marvelously becoming. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hey lackeys! My two lackeys! +<p>FIRST LACKEY; What do you wish, Sir? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were paying +attention. <i>(To the two masters)</i> What say you of my liveries? +<p>DANCING MASTER: They're magnificent. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Half opening his gown, showing a pair</i> <i>of +tight red velvet breeches, and a green velvet vest, that he</i> <i>is wearing) +</i>Here again is a sort of lounging dress to perform my morning exercises +in. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: It is elegant. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Lackey! +<p>FIRST LACKEY: Sir? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The other lackey! +<p>SECOND LACKEY: Sir? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hold my robe. +<p><i>(To the Masters)</i> Do you think I look good? +<p>DANCING MASTER: Very well. No one could look better. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Now let's have a look at your little show. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: I would like very much for you to listen to a melody he +<i>(indicating his student)</i> has just composed for the serenade that +you ordered from me. He's one of my pupils who has an admirable talent +for these kinds of things. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you should not have had that done by a pupil; +you yourself were none too good for that piece of work. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You must not let the name of pupil fool you, sir. Pupils +of this sort know as much as the greatest masters, and the melody is as +fine as could be made. Just listen. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(To Lackeys)</i> Give me my robe so I can listen +better . . . Wait, I believe I would be better without a robe. . . No, +give it back, that will be better. +<p>MUSICIAN: <i>(Singing)</i> <i>I languish night and day, my suffering +is extreme</i> <i>Since to your control your lovely eyes subjected me;</i> +<i>If you thus treat, fair Iris, those you love,</i> <i>Alas, how would +you treat an enemy?</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: This song seems to me a little mournful, it lulls +to sleep, and I would like it if you could liven it up a little, here and +there. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: It is necessary, Sir, that the tune be suited to the words. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Someone taught me a perfectly pretty one some time +ago. Listen . . . Now . . . how does it go? +<p>DANCING MASTER: By my faith, I don't know. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are sheep in it. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Sheep? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. Ah! <i>(He sings)</i> +<p><i>I thought my Jeanneton</i> <i>As beautiful as sweet;</i> <i>I thought +my Janneton</i> <i>Far sweeter than a sheep.</i> <i>Alas! Alas! She is +a hundred times,</i> <i>A thousand times, more cruel</i> <i>Than tigers +in the woods!</i> +<p>Isn't it pretty? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: The prettiest in the world. +<p>DANCING MASTER: And you sing it well. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's without having learned music. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You ought to learn it, Sir, as you are learning dancing. +They are two arts which have a close connection. +<p>DANCING MASTER: And which open the mind of a man to fine things. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And do people of quality learn music, too? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Yes sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll learn it then. But I don't know when I can find +time; for besides the Fencing Master who's teaching me, I have also engaged +a master of philosophy who is to begin this morning. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Philosophy is something; but music, sir, music . . . +<p>DANCING MASTER: Music and dancing, music and dancing, that's all that's +necessary. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: There's nothing so useful in a State as music. +<p>DANCING MASTER: There's nothing so necessary to men as dancing. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Without music, a State cannot subsist. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Without the dance, a man can do nothing. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: All the disorders, all the wars one sees in the world +happen only from not learning music. +<p>DANCING MASTER: All the misfortunes of mankind, all the dreadful disasters +that fill the history books, the blunders of politicians and the faults +of omission of great commanders, all this comes from not knowing how to +dance. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How is that? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Does not war result from a lack of agreement between men? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is true. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: And if all men learned music, wouldn't that be a means +of bringing about harmony and of seeing universal peace in the world? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are right. +<p>DANCING MASTER: When a man has committed a mistake in his conduct, in +family affairs, or in affairs of government of a state, or in the command +of an army, do we not always say, "He took a bad step in such and such +an affair?" +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, that's said. +<p>DANCING MASTER: And can taking a bad step result from anything but not +knowing how to dance? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's true, you are both right. +<p>DANCING MASTER: It makes you see the excellence and usefulness of music +and the dance. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand that, now. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Do you wish to see our pieces? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: I have already told you that this is a little attempt +I have made to show the different passions that music can express. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very good. +<p>MUSIC MASTER <i>(To musicians)</i> Here, come forward<i>. (To Monsieur</i> +<i>Jourdain)</i> You must imagine that they are dressed as shepherds. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why always as shepherds? You see nothing but that +everywhere. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: When we have characters that are to speak in music, it's +necessary, for believability, to make them pastoral. Singing has always +been assigned to shepherds; and it is scarcely natural dialogue for princes +or merchants to sing their passions. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Alright, alright. Let's see. +<p>DIALOGUE IN MUSIC: <i>(A Woman and Two Men)</i> +<p>ALL THREE: <i>A heart, under the domination of love,</i> <i>Is always +with a thousand cares oppressed.</i> <i>It is said that we gladly languish, +gladly sigh;</i> <i>But, despite what can be said,</i> <i>There is nothing +so sweet as our liberty!</i> +<p>FIRST MAN: <i>There is nothing so sweet as the loving fires</i> <i>That +make two hearts beat as one.</i> <i>One cannot live without amorous desires;</i> +<i>Take love from life, you take away the pleasures.</i> +<p>SECOND MAN: <i>It would be sweet to submit to love's rule,</i> <i>If +one could find faithful love,</i> <i>But, alas! oh cruel rule!</i> <i>No +faithful shepherdess is to be seen,</i> <i>And that inconstant sex, much +too unworthy,</i> <i>Must renounce love eternally.</i> +<p>FIRST MAN: <i>Pleasing ardor!</i> +<p>WOMAN: <i>Happy liberty!</i> +<p>SECOND MAN: <i>Deceitful woman!</i> +<p>FIRST MAN: <i>How precious you are to me!</i> +<p>WOMAN: <i>How you please my heart!</i> +<p>SECOND MAN: <i>How horrible you are to me!</i> +<p>FIRST MAN: <i>Ah, leave, for love, that mortal hate!</i> +<p>WOMAN: <i>We can, we can show you</i> <i>a faithful shepherdess!</i> +<p>SECOND MAN: <i>Alas! Where to find her?</i> +<p>WOMAN: <i>In order to defend our reputation,</i> <i>I want to offer +you my heart!</i> +<p>FIRST MAN: <i>But, shepherdess, can I believe</i> <i>That it will not +be deceitful?</i> +<p>WOMAN: <i>We'll see through experience,</i> <i>Who of the two loves +best.</i> +<p>SECOND MAN: <i>Who lacks constancy,</i> <i>May the gods destroy!</i> +<p>ALL THREE: <i>With ardors so beautiful</i> <i>Let us be inflamed!</i> +<i>Ah, how sweet it is to love,</i> <i>When two hearts are faithful!</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is that all? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I find it well-done, and there are some pretty enough +sayings in it. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Here, for my presentation, is a little display of the +loveliest movements and the most beautiful attitudes with which a dance +can possibly be varied. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are these shepherds too? +<p>DANCING MASTER: They're whatever you please. Let's go! +<p><i>(Four dancers execute all the different movements and all the kinds +of steps that the Dancing Master</i> <i>commands; and this dance makes +the First Interlude.)</i> <i> </i> +<p>ACT TWO +<p>SCENE I <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Music Master, Dancing Master, Lackeys)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's not all that bad, and those people there hop +around well. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: When the dance is combined with the music, it will have +even better effect, and you will see something quite good in the little +ballet we have prepared for you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's for later, when the person I ordered all this +for is to do me the honor of coming here to dine. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Everything is ready. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: However, sir, this is not enough. A person like you, who +lives magnificently, and who are inclined towards fine things, should have +a concert of music here every Wednesday or every Thursday. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is that what people of quality do? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Yes, Sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Then I'll have them. Will it be fine? +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Without doubt. You must have three voices-- a tenor, a +soprano, and a bass, who will be accompanied by a bass-viol, a theorbo, +and a clavecin for the chords, with two violins to play the ritournelles. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must also add a trumpet marine. The trumpet marine +is an instrument that pleases me and it's harmonious. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Leave it to us to manage things. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: At least, don't forget to send the musicians to sing +at table. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You will have everything you should have. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But above all, let the ballet be fine. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You will be pleased with it, and, among other things, +with certain minuets you will find in it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! Minuets are my dance, and I would like you to +see me dance them. Come, my Dancing Master. +<p>DANCING MASTER: A hat, sir, if you please. La, la, la, la. La, la, la, +la. In cadence please. La, la, la, la. Your right leg. La, la, la, la. +Don't move your shoulders so. La, la, la, la. Your arms are wrong. La, +la, la, la. Raise your head. Turn the toe out. La, la, la, la. Straighten +your body up. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How was that? <i>(Breathlessly)</i> +<p>MUSIC MASTER: The best. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By the way, teach me how to bow to salute a marchioness; +I shall need to know soon. +<p>DANCING MASTER: How you must bow to salute a marchioness? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, a marchioness named Dorimène. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Give me your hand. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No. You only have to do it, I'll remember it well. +<p>DANCING MASTER: If you want to salute her with a great deal of respect, +you must first bow and step back, then bow three times as you walk towards +her, and at the last one bow down to her knees. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(After the Dancing Master has illustrated)</i> +Do it some. Good! +<p>LACKEY: Sir, your Fencing Master is here. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Tell him to come in here for my lesson. I want you +to see me perform. +<p>SCENE II <i>(Fencing Master, Music Master, Dancing Master, Monsier Jourdain, +a Lackey)</i> +<p>FENCING MASTER: <i>(After giving a foil to Monsieur Jourdain)</i> Come, +sir, the salute. Your body straight. A little inclined upon the left thigh. +Your legs not so wide apart. Your feet both in a line. Your wrist opposite +your hip. The point of your sword even with your shoulder. The arm not +so much extended. The left hand at the level of the eye. The left shoulder +more squared. The head up. The expression bold. Advance. The body steady. +Beat carte, and thrust. One, two. Recover. Again, with the foot firm. Leap +back. When you make a pass, Sir, you must first disengage, and your body +must be well turned. One, two. Come, beat tierce and thrust. Advance. Stop +there. One, two. Recover. Repeat. Leap back. On guard, Sir, on guard. <i>(The +fencing master touches him two or three times with</i> <i>the foil while +saying, "On guard." )</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How was that? <i>(Breathlessly)</i> +<p>MUSIC MASTER: You did marvelously! +<p>FENCING MASTER: As I have told you, the entire secret of fencing lies +in two things: to give and not to receive; and as I demonstrated to you +the other day, it is impossible for you to receive, if you know how to +turn your opponent's sword from the line of your body. This depends solely +on a slight movement of the wrist, either inward or outward. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: In this way then, a man, without courage, is sure +to kill his man and not be killed himself? +<p>FENCING MASTER: Without doubt. Didn't you see the demonstration? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. +<p>FENCING MASTER: And thus you have seen how men like me should be considered +by the State, and how the science of fencing is more important than all +the other useless sciences, such as dancing, music, ... +<p>DANCING MASTER: Careful there, Monsieur swordsman! Speak of the dance +only with respect. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: I beg you to speak better of the excellence of music. +<p>FENCING MASTER: You are amusing fellows, to want to compare your sciences +with mine! +<p>MUSIC MASTER: See the self-importance of the man! +<p>FENCING MASTER: My little Dancing Master, I'll make you dance as you +ought. And you, my little musician, I'll make you sing in a pretty way. +<p>DANCING MASTER: Monsieur Clanger-of-iron, I'll teach you your trade. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(To the Dancing Master)</i> Are you crazy to quarrel +with him, who knows tierce and quarte, and who can kill a man by demonstration? +<p>DANCING MASTER: I disdain his demonstrations, and his tierce, and his +quarte. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Careful, I tell you. +<p>FENCING MASTER: What? You little impertinent! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! My Fencing Master. +<p>DANCING MASTER: What? You big workhorse! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! My Dancing Master. +<p>FENCING MASTER: If I throw myself on you ... +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Careful. +<p>DANCING MASTER: If I get my hands on you ... +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be nice! +<p>FENCING MASTER: I'll go over you with a curry-comb, in such a way... +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Mercy! +<p>DANCING MASTER: I'll give you a beating such as ... +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I beg of you! +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Let us teach him a little how to talk! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh Lord! Stop. +<p>SCENE III <i>(Philosophy Master, Music Master, Dancing Master, Fencing +Master, Monsieur Jourdain, Lackeys)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Aha! Monsieur Philosopher, you come just in time +with your philosophy. Come, make a little peace among these people. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What's happening? What's the matter, gentlemen. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: They have got into a rage over the superiority of +their professions to the point of injurious words and of wanting to come +to blows. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What! Gentlemen, must you act this way? Haven't you +read the learned treatise that Seneca composed on anger? Is there anything +more base and more shameful than this passion, which turns a man into a +savage beast? And shouldn't reason be the mistress of all our activities? +<p>DANCING MASTER: Well! Sir, he has just abused both of us by, despising +the dance, which I practice, and music, which is his profession. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: A wise man is above all the insults that can be spoken +to him; and the grand reply one should make to such outrages is moderation +and patience. +<p>FENCING MASTER: They both had the audacity of trying to compare their +professions with mine. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Should that disturb you? Men should not dispute amongst +themselves about vainglory and rank; that which perfectly distinguishes +one from the other is wisdom and virtue. +<p>DANCING MASTER: I insist to him that dance is a science to which one +cannot do enough honor. +<p>MUSIC MASTER: And I, that music is something that all the ages have +revered. +<p>FENCING MASTER: And I insist to them that the science of fencing is +the finest and the most necessary of all sciences. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And where then will philosophy be? I find you all +very impertinent to speak with this arrogance in front of me, and impudently +to give the name of science to things that one should not even honor with +the name of art, and that cannot be classified except under the name of +miserable gladiator, singer, and buffoon! +<p>FENCING MASTER: Get out, you dog of a philosopher! +<p>MUSIC MASTER: Get out, you worthless pedant! +<p>DANCING MASTER: Get out, you ill-mannered cur! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What! Rascals that you are ... <i>(The philosopher +flings himself at them, and all three go out fighting)</i>. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rogues! Scoundrels! Insolent dogs! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher! +<p>FENCING MASTER: A pox on the beast! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Impudent rogues! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher! +<p>DANCING MASTER: The devil take the jackass! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Villains! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher! +<p>MUSIC MASTER: To the devil with the impertinent fellow! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rascals! Beggars! Traitors! Impostors! <i>(They leave</i>). +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher, Gentlemen! Monsieur Philosopher! +Gentlemen! Monsieur Philosopher! Oh! Fight as much as you like. I don't +know what to do, and I'll not spoil my robe to separate you. I would be +a fool to go among them and receive some damaging blow. +<p>ACT TWO +<p>SCENE IV <i>(Philosophy Master, Monsieur Jourdain)</i> +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: <i>(Straightening the collar that indicates he is +a</i> <i>Philosopher)</i> Now to our lesson. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! Sir, I am distressed by the blows they gave you. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It's nothing. A philosopher knows how to take these +things and I'll compose a satire against them, in the style of Juvenal, +which will fix them nicely. Let it be. What would you like to learn? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Everything I can, for I have every desire in the +world to be educated, and I'm furious that my father and mother did not +make me study all the sciences when I was young. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: This is a reasonable sentiment. Nam sine doctrina +vita est quasi mortis imago. You understand that, and you doubtless know +Latin? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but act as if I did not know it. Tell me what +it says. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It says that without science life is almost an image +of death. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That Latin is right. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Don't you know some principles, some basics of the +sciences? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh yes! I can read and write. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Where would it please you for us to begin? Would +you like me to teach you logic? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is this logic? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It is that which teaches the three operations of +the mind. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What are these three operations of the mind? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The first, the second, and the third. The first is +to conceive well by means of the universals; the second is to judge well +by means of the categories; and the third is to draw well a conclusion +by means of figures. Barbara, Celarent, Darii, Ferio, Baralipton, etc. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Those words are too ugly. This logic doesn't suit +me at all. Let's learn something else that's prettier. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn morality? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Morality? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What does it say, this morality? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It treats of happiness, teaches men to moderate their +passions, and ... +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, let's leave that. I'm as choleric as all the +devils and there's no morality that sticks, I want to be as full of anger +as I want whenever I like. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn physics? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What's it about, this physics? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Physics explains the principles of natural things +and the properties of the material world; it discourses on the nature of +the elements, of metals, minerals, of stones, of plants and animals, and +teaches the causes of all the meteors, the rainbow, the will o' the wisps, +the comets, lightning, thunder, thunderbolts, rain, snow, hail, winds, +and whirlwinds. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There's too much commotion in it, too much confusion. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Then what do you want me to teach you? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Teach me how to spell. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very gladly. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Afterwards, you may teach me the almanack, to know +when there is a moon and when not. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: So be it. Following your thought and treating this +matter as a philosopher, it is necessary to begin according to the order +of things, by an exact knowledge of the nature of letters and the different +ways of pronouncing them all. And thereupon I must tell you letters are +divided into vowels, called vowels because they express the voice; and +into consonants because they sound with the vowels and only mark the diverse +articulations of the voice. There are five vowels or voices: A, E, I, O, +U. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand all that. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel A is formed by opening the mouth widely +: A. Its vowels are to be given the sounds used in vocalizing: Ah-aye-ee-o-ou. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, A. Yes. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel E is formed by approaching the lower jaw +to the upper: A, E. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E; A, E. By my faith, yes. Ah! How fine! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the vowel I, by bringing the jaws still nearer +each other and stretching the two corners of the mouth towards the ears: +A, E, I. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, E, I. I. I. I. That's true. Long live science! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel O is formed by opening the jaws and drawing +together the two corners of the lips, upper and lower: O. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O. There's nothing truer. A, E, I, O,I O.. That's +admirable! I, O, I, O. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The opening of the mouth happens to make a little +circle which represents an O. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: O, O, O. You are right! O. Ah! What a fine thing +it is to know something! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel U is formed by bringing the teeth nearly +together without completely joining them, and thrusting the two lips outward, +also bringing them nearly together without completely joining them: U. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. There's nothing truer. U. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Your two lips thrust out as if you were making a +face, whence it results that if you want to make a face at someone and +mock him, you have only to say to him "U." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: U, U. That's true. Ah! Why didn't I study sooner +in order to know all that! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Tomorrow we shall look at the other letters, which +are the consonants. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Are there things as curious about them as about these? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without a doubt. The consonant D, for example, is +pronounced by clapping the tongue above the upper teeth: D. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: D, D, Yes. Ah! What fine things! Fine things! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The F, by pressing the upper teeth against the lower +lip: F. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: F, F. That's the truth. Ah! My father and my mother, +how I wish you ill! +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: And the R, by carrying the tip of the tongue to the +top of the palate, so that being grazed by the air that comes out with +force, it yields to it and comes back always to the same place, making +a kind of trill: R. AR. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: R, R, AR. R, R, R, R, R, RA. That's true. Ah! What +a clever man you are! And how I have lost time! R, R, R, AR. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I'll explain to you all these strange things to their +very depths. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Please do. But now, I must confide in you. I'm in +love with a lady of great quality, and I wish that you would help me write +something to her in a little note that I will let fall at her feet. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very well. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That will be gallant, yes? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Without doubt. Is it verse that you wish to write +her? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. No verse. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Do you want only prose? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I don't want either prose or verse. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It must be one or the other. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Because, sir, there is no other way to express oneself +than with prose or verse. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is nothing but prose or verse? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: No, sir, everything that is not prose is verse, and +everything that is not verse is prose. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And when one speaks, what is that then? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Prose. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! When I say, "Nicole, bring me my slippers, +and give me my nightcap," that's prose? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes, Sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! For more than forty years I have been +speaking prose without knowing anything about it, and I am much obliged +to you for having taught me that. I would like then to put into a note +to her: "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love," +but I want that put in a gallant manner and be nicely turned. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Put it that the fires of her eyes reduce your heart +to cinders; that you suffer night and day for her the torments of a . . +. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, no. I want none of that; I only want you +to say "Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love." +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The thing requires a little lengthening. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you, I want only those words in the note, +but turned stylishly, well arranged, as is necessary. Please tell me, just +to see, the diverse ways they could be put. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: One could put them first of all as you said them: +"Beautiful marchioness, your lovely eyes make me die of love." Or else: +"Of love to die make me, beautiful marchioness, your beautiful eyes." Or +else: "Your lovely eyes, of love make me, beautiful marchioness, die." +Or else: "Die, your lovely eyes, beautiful marchioness, of love make me." +Or else: "Me make your lovely eyes die, beautiful marchioness, of love." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But, of all those ways, which is the best? +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The way you said it: "Beautiful marchioness, your +lovely eyes make me die of love." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I never studied, and yet I made the whole thing up +at the first try. I thank you with all my heart, and I ask you to come +tomorrow early. +<p>PHILOSOPHY MASTER: I shall not fail to do so. <i>(He leaves).</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What? Hasn't my suit come yet? +<p>THE LACKEY: No, Sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That cursed tailor makes me wait all day when I have +so much to do! I'm enraged. May the quartan fever shake that tormentor +of a tailor! To the devil with the tailor! May the plague choke the tailor! +If I had him here now, that detestable tailor, that dog of a tailor, that +traitor of a tailor, I . . . +<p>SCENE V <i>(Master Tailor, Apprentice Tailor carrying suit, Monsieur +Jourdain, Lackeys)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! You're here! I was getting into a rage against +you. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: I could not come sooner, and I put twenty men to work +on your suit. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You sent me some silk hose so small that I had all +the difficulty in the world putting them on, and already there are two +broken stitches. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: They get bigger, too much so. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, if I always break the stitches. You also had +made for me a pair of shoes that pinch furiously. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Not at all, sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How, not at all! +<p>MASTER TAILOR: No, they don't pinch you at all. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I tell you, they pinch me. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: You imagine that. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I imagine it because I feel it. That's a good reason +for you! +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Wait, here is the finest court-suit, and the best matched. +It's a masterpiece to have invented a serious suit that is not black. And +I give six attempts to the best tailors to equal it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What's this? You've put the flowers upside down. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: You didn't tell me you wanted them right side up. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Did I have to tell you that? +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Yes, surely. All the people of quality wear them this +way. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The people of quality wear the flowers upside down? +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Yes, Sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! It's alright then. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: If you like, I'll put them right side up. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: You have only to say so. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, I tell you. You've made it very well. Do you +think the suit is going to look good on me? +<p>MASTER TAILOR: What a question! I defy a painter with his brush to do +anything that would fit you better. I have a worker in my place who is +the greatest genius in the world at mounting a rhinegrave, and another +who is the hero of the age at assembling a doublet. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The perruque and the plumes: are they correct? +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Everything's good. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Looking at the tailor's suit)</i> Ah! Ah! Monsieur +Tailor, here's the material from the last suit you made for me. I know +it well. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: You see, the material seemed so fine that I wanted a +suit made of it for myself. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you should not have cut it out of mine. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Do you want to put on your suit? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, give it to me. +<p>MASTER TAILOR: Wait. That's not the way it's done. I have brought men +to dress you in a cadence; these kinds of suits are put on with ceremony. +Hey there! Come in, you! Put this suit on the gentleman the way you do +with people of quality. +<p><i>(Four APPRENTICE TAILORS enter, two of them pull off Monsieur</i> +<i>Jourdain's breeches made for his morning</i> <i>exercises, and two others +pull off his waistcoat; then they</i> <i>put on his new suit; Monsieur</i> +<i>Jourdain promenades among them and shows them his suit for their approval. +All this to the cadence of instrumental music.)</i> +<p>APPRENTICE TAILOR: My dear gentleman, please to give the apprentices +a small tip. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What did you call me? +<p>APPRENTICE TAILOR: My dear gentleman. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My dear gentleman! That's what it is to dress like +people of quality! Go all your life dressed like a bourgeois and they'll +never call you "My dear gentleman." Here, take this for the "My dear gentleman." +<p>APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we are very much obliged to you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: "My Lord!" Oh! Oh! "My Lord!" Wait, my friend. "My +Lord" deserves something, and it's not a little word, this "My Lord." Take +this. That's what "My Lord" gives you. +<p>APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we will drink to the health of Your Grace. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: "Your Grace!" Oh! Oh! Oh! Wait, don't go. To me, +"Your Grace!" My faith, if he goes as far as "Highness," he will have all +my purse. Wait. That's for "My Grace." +<p>APPRENTICE TAILOR: My Lord, we thank you very humbly for your liberality. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He did well, I was going to give him everything. +<p><i>(The four Apprentice Tailors celebrate with a dance, which comprises +the Second Interlude.)</i> +<p>ACT THREE +<p>SCENE I <i>(Monsieur Jourdain and his two Lackeys)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Follow me, I am going to show off my clothes a little +about town. And above all both of you take care to walk close at my heels, +so people can see that you are with me. +<p>LACKEYS: Yes, Sir. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Call Nicole for me, so I can give her some orders. +Don't bother, there she is. +<p>SCENE II <i>(Nicole, Monsieur Jourdain, two Lackeys)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Nicole! +<p>NICOLE: Yes, sir? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen. +<p>NICOLE: He, he, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What are you laughing about? +<p>NICOLE: He, he, he, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What does the hussy mean by this? +<p>NICOLE: He, he, he! Oh, how you are got up! He, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How's that? +<p>NICOLE: Ah! Ah! Oh Lord! He, he, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What kind of little baggage is this? Are you mocking +me? +<p>NICOLE: Certainly not, sir, I should be very sorry to do so. He, he, +he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll give you a smack on the nose if you go on laughing. +<p>NICOLE: Sir, I can't help it. He, he, he, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are not going to stop? +<p>NICOLE: Sir, I beg pardon. But you are so funny that I couldn't help +laughing. He, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What insolence! +<p>NICOLE: You're so funny like that. He, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll . . . +<p>NICOLE: Please excuse me. He, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen. If you go on laughing the least bit, I swear +I'll give you the biggest slap ever given. +<p>NICOLE: Alright, sir, it's done, I won't laugh any more. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Take good care not to. Presently you must clean . +. . +<p>NICOLE: He, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must clean . . . +<p>NICOLE: He, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You must, I say, clean the room and . . . +<p>NICOLE: He, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Again! +<p>NICOLE: <i>(Falling down with laughter)</i> Then beat me sir, and let +me have my laugh out, it will do me more good. He, he, he, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm furious. +<p>NICOLE: Have mercy, sir! I beg you to let me laugh. He, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: If I catch you . . . +<p>NICOLE: Sir! I shall burst . . . Oh! if I don't laugh. He, he, he! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But did anyone ever see such a hussy as that, who +laughs in my face instead of receiving my, orders? +<p>NICOLE: What would you have me do, sir? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That you consider getting my house ready for the +company that's coming soon, you hussy. +<p>NICOLE: Ah, by my faith, I don't feel like laughing any more. All your +guests make such a disorder here that the word "company" is enough to put +me in a bad humor. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why, should I shut my door to everyone for your sake? +<p>NICOLE: You should at least shut it to some people. +<p>SCENE III <i>(Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Nicole, Lackeys)</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah, ah! Here's a new story! What's this, what's this, +husband, this outfit you have on there? Don't you care what people think +of you when you are got up like that? And do you want yourself laughed +at everywhere? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: None but fools and dolts will laugh at me wife. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Truly, they haven't waited until now, your antics have +long given a laugh to everyone. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Who's everyone, if you please? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Everyone is everyone who is right and who is wiser +than you. For my part, I am scandalized at the life you lead. I no longer +recognize our house. One would say it's the beginning of Carnival here, +every day; and beginning early in the morning, so it won't be forgotten, +one hears nothing but the racket of fiddles and singers which disturbs +the whole neighborhood. +<p>NICOLE: Madame speaks well. I'll never be able to get my housework done +properly with that gang you have come here. They have feet that hunt for +mud in every part of town to bring it here; and poor Françoise almost +has her teeth on the floor, scrubbing the boards that your fine masters +come to dirty up every day. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What, our servant Nicole, you have quite a tongue +for a peasant. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Nicole is right, and she has more sense than you. I'd +like to know what you think you're going to do with a Dancing Master, at +your age? +<p>NICOLE: And with a hulking Fencing Master who comes stamping his feet, +shaking the whole house and tearing up all the floorboards in our drawing-room. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet, both servant and wife! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Is it that you're learning to dance for the time when +you'll have no legs to dance on? +<p>NICOLE: Do you want to kill someone? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Quiet, I tell you! You are ignorant women, both of +you, and you don't know the advantages of all this. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: You should instead be thinking of marrying off your +daughter, who is of an age to be provided for. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'll think of marrying off my daughter when a suitable +match comes along, but I also want to learn about fine things. +<p>NICOLE: I heard said, Madame, that today he took a Philosophy Master +to thicken the soup! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well. I have a wish to have wit and to reason +about things with decent people. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Don't you intend, one of these days, to go to school +and have yourself whipped at your age? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why not? Would to God I were whipped this minute +in front of everyone, if I only knew what they learn at school! +<p>NICOLE: Yes, my faith! That would get you into better shape. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Without doubt. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: All this is very important to the management of your +house. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. You both talk like beasts, and I'm ashamed +of your ignorance. For example, do you know what are you speaking just +now? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, I know that what I'm saying is well said and that +you ought to be considering living in another way. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that. I'm asking if you know +what the words are that you are saying here? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: They are words that are very sensible, and your conduct +is scarcely so. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that, I tell you. I'm asking +you: what is it that I'm speaking to you this minute, what is it? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no! That's not it. What is it we are both saying, +what language is it that we are speaking right now? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Well? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is it called? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: It's called whatever you want. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's prose, you ignorant creature. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Prose? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, prose. Everything is prose that is not verse; +and everything that's not verse is prose. There! This is what it is to +study! And you <i>(to Nicole)</i>, do you know what you must do to say +U? +<p>NICOLE: What? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Say U, in order to see. +<p>NICOLE: Oh Well, U. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What do you do? +<p>NICOLE: I say U. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but, when you say U, what do you do? +<p>NICOLE: I do what you tell me to. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, how strange it is to have to deal with morons! +You thrust your lips out and bring your lower jaw to your upper jaw: U, +see? U. Do you see? I make a pout: U. +<p>NICOLE: Yes, that's beautiful. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: How admirable. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But it's quite another thing, if you have seen O, +and D, D, and F, F. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What is all this rigmarole? +<p>NICOLE: What does all this do for us? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It enrages me when I see these ignorant women. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Go, go, you ought to send all those people packing +with their foolishness. +<p>NICOLE: And above all, that great gawk of a Fencing Master, who ruins +all my work with dust. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! This Fencing Master seems to get under your +skin. I'll soon show you how impertinent you are<i>.(He has the</i> <i>foils +brought and gives one to Nicole).</i> There. Demonstration: The line of +the body. When your opponent thrusts in quarte, you need only do this, +and when they thrust in tierce, you need only do this. That is the way +never to be killed, and isn't it fine to be assured of what one does, when +fighting against someone? There, thrust at me a little, to see. +<p>NICOLE: Well then, what? <i>(Nicole thrusts, giving him several</i> +<i>hits).</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Easy! Wait! Oh! Gently! Devil take the hussy! +<p>NICOLE: You told me to thrust. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you thrust in tierce, before you thrust +in quarte, and you didn't have the patience to let me parry. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: You are a fool, husband, with all your fantasies, and +this has come to you since you took a notion to associate with the nobility. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: When I associate with the nobility, I show my good +judgment; and that's better than associating with your shopkeepers. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Oh yes, truly! There's a great deal to gain by consorting +with your nobles, and you did so well with your fine Count you were so +taken with! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Peace! Think what you're saying. You know very well, +wife, that you don't know who you're talking about, when you talk about +him! He's a more important person than you think: a great Lord, respected +at court, and who talks to the King just as I talk to you. Is it not a +thing which does me great honor, that a person of this quality is seen +to come so often to my house, who calls me his dear friend and treats me +as if I were his equal? He has more regard for me than one would ever imagine; +and, in front of everyone, he shows me so much affection that I am embarrassed +myself. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, he has a kindness for you, and shows his affection, +but he borrows your money. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: So! Isn't it an honor for me to lend money to a man +of that condition? And can I do less for a lord who calls me his dear friend? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: And this lord, what does he do for you? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Things that would astonish you if you knew them. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Like what? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Blast! I cannot explain myself. It must suffice that +if I have lent him money, he'll pay it back fully, and before long. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes. You are waiting for that. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. Didn't he tell me so? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, yes, he won't fail to do it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He swore it on the faith of a gentleman. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! You are very obstinate, wife. I tell you he +will keep his word, I'm sure of it. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: And I'm sure he will not, and that all his show of +affection is only to flatter you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be still. Here he is. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: That's all we needed! He's come again perhaps to borrow +something from you. The very sight of him spoils my appetite. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be still, I tell you. +<p>SCENE IV <i>(Count Dorante, Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Nicole)</i> +<p>DORANTE: My dear friend, Monsieur Jourdain, how do you do? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well, sir, to render you my small services. +<p>DORANTE: And Madame Jourdain there, how is she? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame Jourdain is as well as she can be. +<p>DORANTE: Well! Monsieur Jourdain, you are excellently well dressed! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You see. +<p>DORANTE: You have a fine air in that suit, and we have no young men +at court who are better made than you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! well! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> He scratches him where it itches. +<p>DORANTE: Turn around. It's positively elegant. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> Yes, as big a fool behind as in front. +<p>DORANTE: My faith, Monsieur Jourdain, I was strangely impatient to see +you. You are the man in the world I esteem most, and I was speaking of +you again this morning in the bedchamber of the King. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do me great honor, sir. <i>(To Madame Jourdain)</i> +In the King's bedchamber! +<p>DORANTE: Come, put on . . . +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, I know the respect I owe you. +<p>DORANTE: Heavens! Put on your hat; I pray you, no ceremony between us. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir . . . +<p>DORANTE: Put it on, I tell you, Monsieur Jourdain: you are my friend. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, I am your humble servant. +<p>DORANTE: I won't be covered if you won't. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Putting on his hat) </i>I would rather be uncivil +than troublesome. +<p>DORANTE: I am in your debt, as you know. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, we know it all too well. +<p>DORANTE: You have generously lent me money upon several occasions, and +you have obliged me with the best grace in the world, assuredly. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sir, you jest with me. +<p>DORANTE: But I know how to repay what is lent me, and to acknowledge +the favors rendered me. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I have no doubt of it, sir. +<p>DoRANTE: I want to settle this matter with you, and I came here to make +up our accounts together. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There wife! You see your impertinence! +<p>DORANTE: I am a man who likes to repay debts as soon as I can. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside to Madame Jourdain)</i> I told you so. +<p>DORANTE: Let's see how much do I owe you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside to Madame Jourdain)</i> There you are, +with your ridiculous suspicions. +<p>DORANTE: Do you remember well all the money you have lent me? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I believe so. I made a little note of it. Here it +is. Once you were given two hundred louis d'or. +<p>DORANTE: That's true. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Another time, six-score. +<p>DORANTE: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And another time, a hundred and forty. +<p>DORANTE: You're right. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: These three items make four hundred and sixty louis +d'or, which comes to five thousand sixty livres. +<p>DORANTE: The account is quite right. Five thousand sixty livres. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: One thousand eight hundred thirty-two livres to your +plume-maker. +<p>DORANTE: Exactly. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Two thousand seven hundred eighty livres to your +tailor. +<p>DoRANTE: It's true. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Four thousand three hundred seventy-nine livres twelve +sols eight deniers to your tradesman. +<p>DORANTE: Quite right. Twelve sols eight deniers. The account is exact. +<p>MONSIEUR JouRDAIN: And one thousand seven hundred forty-eight livres +seven sols four deniers to your saddler. +<p>DORANTE: All that is true. What does that come to? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Sum total, fifteen thousand eight hundred livres. +<p>DORANTE: The sum total is exact: fifteen thousand eight hundred livres. +To which add two hundred pistoles that you are going to give me, which +will make exactly eighteen thousand francs, which I shall pay you at the +first opportunity. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> Well, didn't I predict it? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Peace! +<p>DORANTE: Will that inconvenience you, to give me the amount I say? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, no! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> That man is making a milk-cow out of +you! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet! +<p>DoRANTE: If that inconveniences you, I will seek it somewhere else. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: NO, Sir. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> He won't be content until he's ruined +you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Be quiet, I tell you. +<p>DORANTE: You have only to tell me if that embarrasses you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Not at all, sir. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> He's a real wheedler! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hush. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> He'll drain you to the last sou. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Will you be quiet? +<p>DORANTE: I have a number of people who would gladly lend it to me; but +since you are my best friend, I believed I might do you wrong if I asked +someone else for it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's too great an honor, sir, that you do me. I'll +go get it for you. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> What! You're going to give it to him +again? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What can I do? Do you want me to refuse a man of +this station, who spoke about me this morning in the King's bedchamber? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Aside)</i> Go on, you're a true dupe. +<p>SCENE V <i>(Dorante, Madame Jourdain, Nicole)</i> +<p>DORANTE: You appear to be very melancholy. What is wrong, Madame Jourdain? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I have a head bigger than my fist, even if it's not +swollen. +<p>DORANTE: Mademoiselle, your daughter, where is she that I don't see +her? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Mademoiselle my daughter is right where she is. +<p>DORANTE: How is she getting on? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: She "gets on" on her two legs. +<p>DORANTE: Wouldn't you like to come with her one of these days to see +the ballet and the comedy they are putting on at court? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes truly, we have a great desire to laugh, a very +great desire to laugh. +<p>DORANTE: I think, Madame Jourdain, that you must have had many admirers +in your youth, beautiful and good humored as you were. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: By Our Lady! Sir, is Madame Jourdain decrepit, and +does her head already shake with palsy? +<p>DORANTE: Ah! My faith, Madame Jourdain, I beg pardon. I did not remember +that you are young. I am often distracted. Pray excuse my impertinence. +<p>SCENE VI <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Dorante, Nicole)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are two hundred louis d'or. +<p>DORANTE: I assure you, Monsieur Jourdain, that I am completely yours, +and that I am eager to render you a service at court. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm much obliged to you. +<p>DORANTE: If Madame Jourdain desires to see the royal entertainment, +I will have the best places in the ballroom given to her. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame Jourdain kisses your hands [but declines]. +<p>DORANTE: <i>(Aside to Monsieur Jourdain)</i> Our beautiful marchioness, +as I sent word to you, in my note, will come here soon for the ballet and +refreshments; I finally brought her to consent to the entertainment you +wish to give her. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Let us move a little farther away, for a certain +reason. +<p>DORANTE: It has been eight days since I saw you, and I have sent you +no news regarding the diamond you put into my hands to present to her on +your behalf; but it's because I had the greatest difficulty in conquering +her scruples, and it's only today that she resolved to accept it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How did she judge it? +<p>DORANTE: Marvelous. And I am greatly deceived if the beauty of that +diamond does not produce for you an admirable effect on her spirit. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Would to Heaven! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(To Nicole)</i> Once he's with him he cannot leave +him. +<p>DORANTE: I made her value as she should the richness of that present +and the grandeur of your love. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: These are, sir, favors which overwhelm me; and I +am in the very greatest confusion at seeing a person of your quality demean +himself for me as you do. +<p>DORANTE: Are you joking? Among friends, does one stop at these sorts +of scruples? And wouldn't you do the same thing for me, if the occasion +offered? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! Certainly, and with all my heart. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(To Nicole)</i> His presence weighs me down! +<p>DORANTE: As for me, I never mind anything when it is necessary to serve +a friend; and when you confided in me about the ardent passion you have +formed for that delightful marchioness with whom I have contacts, you saw +that I volunteered immediately to assist your love. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's true, these are favors that confound me. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(To Nicole)</i> Will he never go? +<p>NICOLE: They enjoy being together. +<p>DORANTE: You took the right tack to touch her heart. Women love above +all the expenses we go to for them; and your frequent serenades, your continual +bouquets, that superb fireworks for her over the water, the diamond she +has received from you, and the entertainment you are preparing for her, +all this speaks much better in favor of your love than all the words you +might have spoken yourself. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are no expenditures I would not make if by +that means I might find the road to her heart. A woman of quality has ravishing +charms for me and it's an honor I would purchase at any price. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(To Nicole)</i> What can they talk about so much? +Steal over and listen a little. +<p>DORANTE: Soon enough you will enjoy at your ease the pleasure of seeing +her, and your eyes will have a long time to satisfy themselves. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: To be completely free, I have arranged for my wife +to go to dinner at her sister's, where she'll spend all the after-dinner +hours. +<p>DORANTE: You have done prudently, as your wife might have embarrassed +us. I have given the necessary orders to the cook for you, and for the +ballet. It is of my own invention; and, provided the execution corresponds +to the idea, I am sure it will be found . . . +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN<i>: (Sees that Nicole is listening, and gives her +a</i> <i>slap)</i> Say! You're very impertinent! <i>(To Dorante)</i> Let's +go, if you please. +<p>SCENE VII <i>(Madame Jourdain, Nicole)</i> <i> </i> +<p>NICOLE: My faith, Madame, curiosity has cost me; but I believe something's +afoot, since they were talking of some event where they did not want you +to be. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Today's not the first time, Nicole, that I've had suspicions +about my husband. I'm the most mistaken woman in the world, or there's +some love-affair in the making. But let us see to my daughter. You know +the love Cléonte has for her. He's a man who appeals to me, and +I want to help his suit and give him Lucile, if I can. +<p>NICOLE: Truly, Madame, I'm the most delighted creature in the world +to see that you feel this way, since, if the master appeals to you, his +valet appeals to me no less, and I could wish our marriage made under the +shadow of theirs. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Go speak to Cléonte about it for me, and tell +him to come to me soon so we can present his request to my husband for +my daughter in marriage. +<p>NICOLE: I hasten, Madame, with joy, for I could not receive a more agreeable +commission. <i>(Alone)</i> I shall, I think, make them very happy. +<p>SCENE VIII <i>(Cléonte, Covielle, Nicole)</i> +<p>NICOLE: Ah! I'm glad to have found you. I'm an ambassadress of joy, +and I come . . . +<p>CLÉONTE: Get out, traitor, and don't come to amuse me with your +treacherous words. +<p>NICOLE: Is this how you receive me . . . +<p>CLÉONTE: Get out, I tell you, and go tell your faithless mistress +that she will never again in her life deceive the too trusting Cléonte. +<p>NICOLE: What caprice is this? My dear Covielle, explain a little what +you are trying to say. +<p>COVIELLE: Your dear Covielle, little hussy? Go, quickly, out of my sight, +villainess , and leave me in peace. +<p>NICOLE: What! You come to me too. . . +<p>COVIELLE: Out of my sight, I tell you, and never speak to me again. +<p>NICOLE: My word! What fly has bitten those two? Let's go tell this pretty +story to my mistress. +<p>SCENE IX <i>(Cléonte, Covielle)</i> +<p>CLÉONTE: What! Treat a lover in this way? And a lover who is +the most faithful and passionate of lovers? +<p>COVIELLE: It is a frightful thing that they have done to us both. +<p>CLÉONTE: I show a woman all the ardor and tenderness that can +be imagined; I love nothing in the world but her, and I have nothing but +her in my thoughts; she is all I care for, all my desire, all my joy; I +talk of nothing but her, I think of nothing but her, I have no dreams but +of her, I breathe only because of her, my heart lives wholly in her; and +see how so much love is well repaid! I have been two days without seeing +her, which are for me two frightful centuries; I meet her by chance; my +heart, at that sight, is completely transported, my joy shines on my face; +I fly with ecstasy towards her -- and the faithless one averts her eyes +and hurries by as if she had never seen me in her life! +<p>COVIELLE: I say the same things as you. +<p>CLÉONTE: Covielle, can one see anything to equal this perfidy +of the ungrateful Lucile? +<p>COVIELLE: And that, Monsieur, of the treacherous Nicole? +<p>CLÉONTE: After so many ardent homages, sighs, and vows that I +have made to her charms! +<p>COVIELLE: After so many assiduous compliments, cares, and services that +I rendered her in the kitchen! +<p>CLÉONTE: So many tears I have shed at her knees! +<p>COVIELLE: So many buckets of water I have drawn for her! +<p>CLÉONTE: So much passion I have shown her in loving her more +than myself! +<p>COVIELLE: So much heat I have endured in turning the spit for her! +<p>CLÉONTE: She flies from me in disdain! +<p>COVIELLE: She turns her back on me! +<p>CLÉONTE: It is perfidy worthy of the greatest punishments. +<p>COVIELLE: It is treachery that merits a thousand slaps. +<p>CLÉONTE: Don't think, I beg you, of ever speaking in her favor +to me. +<p>COVIELLE: I, sir? God forbid! +<p>CLÉONTE: Never come to excuse the action of this faithless woman. +<p>COVIELLE: Have no fear. +<p>CLEONTE; No, you see, all your speeches in her defense will serve no +purpose. +<p>COVIELLE: Who even thinks of that? +<p>CLÉONTE: I want to conserve my resentment against her and end +all contact with her. +<p>COVIELLE: I agree. +<p>CLÉONTE: This Count who goes to her house is perhaps pleasant +in her view; and her mind, I well see, allows itself to be dazzled by social +standing. But it is necessary for me, for my honor, to prevent the scandal +of her inconstancy. I want to break off with her first and not leave her +all the glory of dumping me. +<p>COVIELLE: That's very well said, and I agree, for my part, with all +your feelings. +<p>CLÉONTE: Strengthen my resentment and aid my resolve against +all the remains of love that could speak in her behalf. Tell me, I order +you, all the bad you can of her; make for me a painting of her that will +render her despicable; and show well, in order to disgust me, all the faults +that you can see in her. +<p>COVIELLE: Her, sir? There's a pretty fool, a well made flirt for you +to give so much love! I see only mediocrity in her, and you will find a +hundred women who will be more worthy of you. First of all, she has small +eyes. +<p>CLÉONTE: That's true, she has small eyes; but they are full of +fire, the brightest, the keenest in the world, the most touching eyes that +one can see. +<p>COVIELLE: She has a big mouth. +<p>CLÉONTE: Yes; but upon it one sees grace that one never sees +on other mouths; and the sight of that mouth, which is the most attractive, +the most amorous in the world, inspires desire. +<p>COVIELLE: As for her figure, she's not tall. +<p>CLÉONTE: No, but she is graceful and well made. +<p>COVIELLE: She affects a nonchalance in her speech and in her actions. +<p>CLÉONTE: That's true; but she may be forgiven all that, for her +manners are so engaging, they have an irresistible charm. +<p>COVIELLE: As to her wit . . . +<p>CLÉONTE: Ah! She has that, Covielle, the finest, the most delicate! +<p>COVIELLE: Her conversation . . . +<p>CLÉONTE: Her conversation is charming. +<p>COVIELLE: She is always serious . . . +<p>CLEONTE; Would you have grinning playfulness, constant open merriment? +And do you see anything more impertinent than those women who laugh all +the time? +<p>COVIELLE: But finally she is as capricious as any woman in the world. +<p>CLÉONTE: Yes, she is capricious, I concede; but everything becomes +beautiful ladies well, one suffers everything for beauty. +<p>COVIELLE: I see clearly how it goes, you want to go on loving her. +<p>CLÉONTE: Me, I'd like better to die; and I am going to hate her +as much as I loved her. +<p>COVIELLE: How, if you find her so perfect? +<p>CLÉONTE: That's how my vengeance will be more striking, in that +way I'll show better the strength of my heart, by hating her, by quitting +her, with all her beauty, all her charms, and as lovable as I find her. +Here she is. +<p>SCENE X <i>(Cléonte, Lucile, Covielle, Nicole)</i> +<p>NICOLE: For my part, I was completely shocked at it. +<p>LUCILE: It can only be, Nicole, what I told you. But there he is. +<p>CLÉONTE: I don't even want to speak to her. +<p>COVIELLE: I'll imitate you. +<p>LUCILE: What's the matter Cléonte? What's wrong with you? +<p>NICOLE: What's the matter with you, Covielle? +<p>LUCILE: What grief possesses you? +<p>NICOLE: What bad humor holds you? +<p>LUCILE: Are you mute, Cléonte? +<p>NICOLE: Have you lost your voice, Covielle? +<p>CLÉONTE: Is this not villainous! +<p>COVIELLE: It's a Judas! +<p>LUCILE: I clearly see that our recent meeting has troubled you. +<p>CLÉONTE: Ah! Ah! She sees what she's done. +<p>NICOLE: Our greeting this morning has annoyed you. +<p>COVIELLE: She has guessed the problem. +<p>LUCILE: Isn't it true, Cléonte, that this is the cause of your +resentment? +<p>CLÉONTE: Yes, perfidious one, it is, since I must speak; and +I must tell that you shall not triumph in your faithlessness as you think, +I want to be the first to break with you, and you won't have the advantage +of driving me away. I will have difficulty in conquering the love I have +for you; it will cause me pain; I will suffer for a while. But I'll come +through it, and I would rather stab myself through the heart than have +the weakness to return to you. +<p>COVIELLE: Me too. +<p>LUCILE: What an uproar over nothing. I want to tell you, Cléonte, +what made me avoid joining you this morning. +<p>CLÉONTE: No, I don't want to listen to anything . . . +<p>NICOLE: I want to tell you what made us pass so quickly. +<p>COVIELLE: I don't want to hear anything. +<p>LUCILE: <i>(Following Cléonte)</i> Know that this morning . . +. +<p>CLÉONTE: No, I tell you. +<p>NICOLE: <i>(Following Covielle)</i> Learn that . . . +<p>COVIELLE: No, traitor. +<p>LUCILE: Listen. +<p>CLÉONTE: I won't listen. +<p>NICOLE: Let me speak. +<p>COVIELLE: I'm deaf. +<p>LUCILE: Cléonte! +<p>CLÉONTE: No. +<p>NICOLE: Covielle! +<p>COVIELLE: I won't listen. +<p>LUCILE: Stop. +<p>CLÉONTE: Gibberish! +<p>NICOLE: Listen to me. +<p>COVIELLE: Rubbish! +<p>LUCILE: One moment. +<p>CLÉONTE: Never. +<p>NICOLE: A little patience. +<p>COVIELLE: Not interested! +<p>LUCILE: Two words. +<p>CLÉONTE: No, you've had them. +<p>NICOLE: One word. +<p>COVIELLE: No more talking. +<p>LUCILE: Alright! Since you don't want to listen to me, think what you +like, and do what you want. +<p>NICOLE: Since you act like that, make whatever you like of it all. +<p>CLÉONTE: Let us know the reason, then, for such a fine reception. +<p>LUCILE: It no longer pleases me to say. +<p>COVIELLE: Let us know something of your story. +<p>NICOLE: I ,myself, no longer want to tell you. +<p>CLÉONTE: Tell me . . . +<p>LUCILE: No, I don't want to say anything. +<p>COVIELLE: Tell it . . . +<p>NICOLE: No, I'll tell nothing. +<p>CLÉONTE: For pity . . . +<p>LUCILE: No, I say. +<p>COVIELLE: Have mercy. +<p>NICOLE: It's no use. +<p>CLÉONTE: I beg you. +<p>LUCILE: Leave me . . . +<p>COVIELLE: I plead with you. +<p>NICOLE: Get out of here. +<p>CLÉONTE: Lucile! +<p>LUCILE: No. +<p>COVIELLE: Nicole! +<p>NICOLE: Never. +<p>CLÉONTE: In the name of God! . . . +<p>LUCILE: I don't want to. +<p>COVIELLE: Talk to me. +<p>NICOLE: Definitely not. +<p>CLÉONTE: Clear up my doubts. +<p>LUCILE: No, I'll do nothing. +<p>COVIELLE: Relieve my mind! +<p>NICOLE: No, I don't care to. +<p>CLÉONTE: Alright! since you are so little concerned to take me +out of my pain and to justify yourself for the shameful treatment you gave +to my passion, you are seeing me, ingrate, for the last time, and I am +going far from you to die of sorrow and love. +<p>COVIELLE: And I -- I will follow in his steps. +<p>LUCILE: Cléonte! +<p>NICOLE: Covielle! +<p>CLÉONTE: What? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes? +<p>LUCILE: Where are you going? +<p>CLÉONTE: Where I told you. +<p>COVIELLE: We are going to die. +<p>LUCILE: You are going to die, Cléonte? +<p>CLÉONTE: Yes, cruel one, since you wish it. +<p>LUCILE: Me! I wish you to die? +<p>CLÉONTE: Yes, you wish it. +<p>LUCILE: Who told you that? +<p>CLÉONTE: Is it not wishing it when you don't wish to clear up +my suspicions? +<p>LUCILE: Is it my fault? And, if you had wished to listen to me, would +I not have told you that the incident you complain of was caused this morning +by the presence of an old aunt who insists that the mere approach of a +man dishonors a woman -- an aunt who constantly delivers sermons to us +on this text, and tells us that all men are like devils we must flee? +<p>NICOLE: There's the key to the entire affair. +<p>CLÉONTE: Are you sure you're not deceiving me, Lucile? +<p>COVIELLE: Aren't you making this up? +<p>LUCILE: There's nothing more true. +<p>NICOLE: It's the absolute truth. +<p>COVIELLE: Are we going to give in to this? +<p>CLÉONTE: Ah! Lucile, how with a word from your lips you are able +to appease the things in my heart, and how easily one allows himself to +be persuaded by the people one loves! +<p>COVIELLE: How easily we are manipulated by these blasted minxes! +<p>SCENE XI <i>(Madame Jourdain, Cléonte, Lucile, Covielle, Nicole)</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I am very glad to see you, Cléonte and you are +here at just the right time. My husband is coming, seize the opportunity +to ask for Lucile in marriage. +<p>CLÉONTE: Ah! Madame, how sweet that word is to me, and how it +flatters my desires! Could I receive an order more charming, a favor more +precious? +<p>SCENE XII <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Madame Jourdain, Cléonte, Lucile, +Covielle,</i> <i>Nicole)</i> +<p>CLÉONTE: Sir, I did not want to use anyone to make a request +of you that I have long considered. It affects me enough for me to take +charge of it myself; and, without further ado, I will say to you that the +honor of being your son-in-law is a glorious favor that I beg you to grant +me. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Before giving you a reply, sir, I beg to ask if you +are a gentleman. +<p>CLÉONTE: Sir, most people don't hesitate much over this question. +They use the word carelessly. They take the name without scruple, and the +usage of today seems to validate the theft. As for me, I confess to you, +I have a little more delicate feelings on this matter. I find all imposture +undignified for an honest man, and that there is cowardice in disguising +what Heaven made us at birth; to present ourselves to the eyes of the world +with a stolen title; to wish to give a false impression. I was born of +parents who, without doubt, held honorable positions. I have six years +of service in the army, and I find myself established well enough to maintain +a tolerable rank in the world; but despite all that I certainly have no +wish to give myself a name to which others in my place might believe they +could pretend, and I will tell you frankly that I am not a gentleman. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Shake hands, Sir! My daughter is not for you. +<p>CLÉONTE: What? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are not a gentleman. You will not have my daughter. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say with your talk of gentleman? +Are we ourselves of the line of St. Louis? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Quiet, wife, I see what you are up to. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Aren't we both descended from good bourgeois families? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There's that hateful word! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: And wasn't your father a merchant just like mine? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Plague take the woman! She never fails to do this! +If your father was a merchant, so much the worse for him! But, as for mine, +those who say that are misinformed. All that I have to say to you is, that +I want a gentleman for a son-in-law. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: It's necessary for your daughter to have a husband +who is worthy of her, and it's better for her to have an honest rich man +who is well made than an impoverished gentleman who is badly built. +<p>NICOLE: That's true. We have the son of a gentleman in our village who +is the most ill formed and the greatest fool I have ever seen. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Hold your impertinent tongue! You always butt into +the conversation. I have enough money for my daughter, I need only honor, +and I want to make her a marchioness. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: A marchioness? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, marchioness. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Alas! God save me from it! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's a thing I have resolved. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: As for me, it's a thing I'll never consent to. Marriages +above one's station are always subject to great inconveniences. I have +absolutely no wish for a son-in-law who can reproach her parents to my +daughter, and I don't want her to have children who will be ashamed to +call me their grandmother. If she arrives to visit me in the equipage of +a great lady and if she fails, by mischance, to greet someone of the neighborhood, +they wouldn't fail immediately to say a hundred stupidities. "Do you see," +they would say, "this madam marchioness who gives herself such glorious +airs? It's the daughter of Monsieur Jourdain, who was all too glad, when +she was little, to play house with us; she's not always been so haughty +as she now is; and her two grandfathers sold cloth near St. Innocent's +Gate. They amassed wealth for their children, they're paying dearly perhaps +for it now in the other world, and one can scarcely get that rich by being +honest." I certainly don't want all that gossip, and I want, in a word, +a man who will be obliged to me for my daughter and to whom I can say, +"Sit down there, my son-in-law, and have dinner with me." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Surely those are the sentiments of a little spirit, +to want to remain always in a base condition. Don't talk back to me: my +daughter will be a marchioness in spite of everyone. And, if you make me +angrier, I'll make a duchess of her. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Cléonte, don't lose courage yet. Follow me, +my daughter, and tell your father resolutely that, if you can't have him, +you don't want to marry anyone. +<p>SCENE XIII <i>(Cléonte, Covielle)</i> +<p>COVIELLE: You've made a fine business, with your pretty sentiments. +<p>CLÉONTE: What do you want? I have a scruple about that which +precedent cannot conquer. +<p>COVIELLE: Don't you make a fool of yourself by taking it seriously with +a man like that? Don't you see that he is a fool? And would it cost you +anything to accommodate yourself to his fantasies? +<p>CLÉONTE: You're right. But I didn't believe it necessary to prove +nobility in order to be Monsieur Jourdain's son-in-law. +<p>COVIELLE: Ha, ha, ha! +<p>CLÉONTE: What are you laughing at? +<p>COVIELLE: At a thought that just occurred to me of how to play our man +a trick and help you obtain what you desire. +<p>CLÉONTE: How? +<p>COVIELLE: The idea is really funny. +<p>CLÉONTE: What is it? +<p>COVIELLE: A short time ago there was a certain masquerade which fits +here better than anything, and that I intend to make part of a prank I +want to play on our fool. It all seems a little phony; but, with him, one +can try anything, there is hardly any reason to be subtle, and he is the +man to play his role marvelously and to swallow easily any fabrication +we want to tell him. I have the actors, I have the costumes ready, just +leave it to me. +<p>CLÉONTE: But tell me . . . +<p>COVIELLE: I am going to instruct you in everything. Let's go, there +he is, returning. +<p>SCENE XIV <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Lackey)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What the devil is this? They have nothing other than +the great lords to reproach me with, and as for me, I see nothing so fine +as to associate with the great lords; there is only honor and civility +among them, and I would have given two fingers of a hand to have been born +a count or a marquis. +<p>LACKEY: Sir, here's the Count, and he has a lady with him. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! My Goodness, I have some orders to give. Tell +them I'll be back here soon. +<p>SCENE XV <i>(Dorimène, Dorante, Lackey)</i> +<p>LACKEY: Monsieur says that he'll be here very soon. +<p>DORANTE: That's fine. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I don't know, Dorante; I feel strange allowing you +to bring me to this house where I know no one. +<p>DORANTE: Then where would you like, Madame, for me to express my love +with an entertainment, since you will allow neither your house nor mine +for fear of scandal? +<p>DORIMÈNE: But you don't mention that every day I am gradually +preparing myself to receive too great proofs of your passion? As good a +defense as I have put up, you wear down my resistance, and you have a polite +persistence which makes me come gently to whatever you like. The frequent +visits began, declarations followed, after them came serenades and amusements +in their train, and presents followed them. I withstood all that, but you +don't give up at all and step by step you are overcoming my resolve. As +for me, I can no longer answer for anything, and I believe that in the +end you will bring me to marriage, which I have so far avoided. +<p>DORANTE: My faith! Madame, you should already have come to it. You are +a widow, and you answer only to yourself. I am my own master and I love +you more than my life. Why shouldn't you be all my happiness from today +onward? +<p>DORIMÈNE: Goodness! Dorante, for two people to live happily together +both of them need particular qualities; and two of the most reasonable +persons in the world often have trouble making a union satisfactory to +them both. +<p>DORANTE: You're fooling yourself, Madame, to imagine so many difficulties, +and the experience you had with one marriage doesn't determine anything +for others. +<p>DORIMÈNE: Finally I always come back to this. The expenses that +I see you go to for me disturb me for two reasons: one is that they get +me more involved than I would like; and the other is that I am sure -- +meaning no offense -- that you cannot do this without financially inconveniencing +yourself, and I certainly don't want that. +<p>DORANTE: Ah! Madame, they are trifles, and it isn't by that . . . +<p>DORIMÈNE: I know what I'm talking about; and among other gifts, +the diamond you forced me to take is worth ... +<p>DORANTE: Oh! Madame, mercy, don't put any value on a thing that my love +finds unworthy of you, and allow ... Here's the master of the house. +<p>SCENE XVI <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Dorimène, Dorante, Lackey)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(After having made two bows, finding himself too</i> +<i>near Dorimène) </i>A little farther, Madame. +<p>DORIMÈNE: What? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: One step, if you please. +<p>DORIMÈNE: What is it? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Step back a little for the third. +<p>DORANTE: Madame, Monsieur Jourdain is very knowledgeable. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it is a very great honor to me to be fortunate +enough to be so happy as to have the joy that you should have had the goodness +to accord me the graciousness of doing me the honor of honoring me with +the favor of your presence; and, if I also had the merit to merit a merit +such as yours, and if Heaven . . . envious of my luck . . . should have +accorded me . . . the advantage of seeing me worthy . . . of the . . . +<p>DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain, that is enough. Madame doesn't like grand +compliments, and she knows that you are a man of wit<i>. (Aside</i> <i>to +Dorimène)</i> As you can see, this good bourgeois is ridiculous +enough in all his manners. +<p>DORIMÈNE: It isn't difficult to see it. +<p>DORANTE: Madame, he is the best of my friends. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do me too much honor. +<p>DORANTE: A completely gallant man. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I have great esteem for him. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I have done nothing yet, Madame, to merit this favor. +<p>DORANTE: <i>(Aside to Monsieur Jourdain)</i> Take care, nonetheless, +to say absolutely nothing to her about the diamond that you gave her. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Can't I even ask her how she likes it? +<p>DORANTE: What? Take care that you don't. That would be loutish of you; +and, to act as a gallant man, you must act as though it were not you who +made her this present. <i>(Aloud)</i> Monsieur Jourdain, Madame, says he +is delighted to see you in his home. +<p>DORIMÈNE: He honors me greatly. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: How obliged I am to you, sir, for speaking thus to +her for me! +<p>DORANTE: I have had frightful trouble getting her to come here. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I don't know how to thank you enough. +<p>DORANTE: He says, Madame, that he finds you the most beautiful woman +in the world. +<p>DORIMÈNE: He does me a great favor. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it is you who does the favors, and . . . +<p>DORANTE: Let's consider eating. +<p>LACKEY: Everything is ready, sir. +<p>DORANTE: Come then let us sit at the table. And bring on the musicians. +<i>(Six cooks, who have prepared the feast, dance together</i> <i>and make +the third interlude; after which, they carry in a table</i> <i>covered +with many dishes.)</i> +<p>ACT FOUR +<p>SCENE I <i>(Dorimène, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, two Male Musicians,</i> +<i>a Female Musician, Lackeys)</i> +<p>DORIMÈNE: Why, Dorante, that is really a magnificent repast! +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You jest, Madame; I wish it were worthy of being +offered to you. <i>(All sit at the table).</i> +<p>DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain is right, Madame, to speak so, and he obliges +me by making you so welcome. I agree with him that the repast is not worthy +of you. Since it was I who ordered it, and since I do not have the accomplishments +of our friends in this matter, you do not have here a very sophisticated +meal, and you will find some incongruities in the combinations and some +<p>barbarities of taste. If Damis, our friend, had been involved, everything +would have been according to the rules; everything would have been elegant +and appropriate, and he would not have failed to impress upon you the significance +of all the dishes of the repast, and to make you see his expertise when +it comes to good food; he would have told you about hearth-baked bread, +with its golden brown crust, crunching tenderly between the teeth; of a +smooth, full-bodied wine, fortified with a piquancy not too strong, of +a loin of mutton improved with parsley, of a cut of specially-raised veal +as long as this, white and delicate, and which is like an almond paste +between the teeth, of partridges complimented by a surprisingly flavorful +sauce, and, for his masterpiece, a soup accompanied by a fat young turkey +surrounded by pigeons and crowned with white onions mixed with chicory. +But, as for me, I declare my ignorance; and, as Monsieur Jourdain has said +so well, I only wish that the repast were more worthy of being offered +to you. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I reply to this compliment only by eating. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! What beautiful hands! +<p>DORIMÈNE: The hands are mediocre, Monsieur Jourdain; but you +wish to speak of the diamond, which is very beautiful. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me, Madame? God forbid that I should wish to speak +of it; that would not be acting gallantly, and the diamond is a very small +thing. +<p>DORIMÈNE: You are very particular. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You are too kind. . . +<p>DORANTE: Let's have some wine for Monsieur Jourdain and for these gentlemen +and ladies who are going to favor us with a drinking song. +<p>DORIMÈNE: It is marvelous to season good food, by mixing it with +music, and I see I am being admirably entertained. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, it isn't . . +<p>DORANTE: Monsieur Jourdain, let us remain silent for these gentlemen +and ladies; what they have for us to hear is of more value than anything +we could say. <i>(The male singers and the woman</i> <i>singer take the +glasses, sing two drinking songs, and are</i> <i>accompanied by all the +instrumental ensemble.)</i> +<p>FIRST DRINKING SONG +<p><i>Drink a little, Phyllis, to start the glass round.</i> <i>Ah! A glass +in your hands is charmingly agreeable!</i> <i>You and the wine arm each +other,</i> <i>And I redouble my love for you both</i> <i>Let us three -- +wine, you, and me --</i> <i>Swear, my beauty, to an eternal passion.</i> +<p><i>Your lips are made yet more attractive by wetting with wine!</i> +<i>Ah! The one and the other inspire me with desire</i> <i>And both you +and it intoxicate me</i> <i>Let us three -- wine, you, and me --</i> <i>Swear, +my beauty, to an eternal passion.</i> <i> </i> +<p>SECOND DRINKING SONG +<p><i>Let us drink, dear friends, let us drink;</i> <i>Time that flies +beckons us to it!</i> <i>Let us profit from life as much as we can.</i> +<i>Once we pass under the black shadow,</i> <i>Goodbye to wine, our loves;</i> +<i>Let us drink while we can,</i> <i>One cannot drink forever.</i> +<p><i>Let fools speculate</i> <i>On the true happiness of life.</i> <i>Our +philosophy</i> <i>Puts it among the wine-pots.</i> <i>Possessions, knowledge +and glory</i> <i>Hardly make us forget troubling cares,</i> <i>And it is +only with good drink</i> <i>That one can be happy.</i> +<p><i>Come on then, wine for all, pour, boys, pour,</i> <i>Pour, keep on +pouring, until they say, "Enough."</i> +<p>DORIMÈNE: I don't believe it's possible to sing better, and that +is positively beautiful. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I see something here, Madame, yet more beautiful. +<p>DORIMÈNE: Aha! Monsieur Jourdain is more gallant than I thought. +<p>DORANTE: What! Madame, what did you take Monsieur Jourdain for? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I would like for her to take me at my word. +<p>DORIMÈNE: Again! +<p>DORANTE: You don't know him. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: She may know me whenever it pleases her. +<p>DORIMÈNE: Oh! I am overwhelmed. +<p>DORANTE: He is a man who is always ready with a repartee. But don't +you see that Monsieur Jourdain, Madame, eats all the pieces of food you +have touched? +<p>DORIMÈNE: I am captivated by Monsieur Jourdain . . . +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: If I could captivate your heart, I would be . . . +<p>SCENE II <i>(Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorimène, Dorante,</i> +<i>Musicians, Lackeys)</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Aha! I find good company here, and I see that I was +not expected. Was it for this pretty affair, Monsieur Husband, that you +were so eager to send me to dinner at my sister's? I just saw stage decorations +downstairs, and here I see a banquet fit for a wedding. That is how you +spend your money, and this is how you entertain the ladies in my absence, +and you give them music and entertainment while sending me on my way. +<p>DORANTE: What are you saying, Madame Jourdain? And what fantasies are +you getting into your head that your husband spends his money, and that +it is he who is giving this entertainment to Madame? Please know that it +is I; that he only lends me his house, and that you ought to think more +about the things you say. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, what impertinence. It is the Count who presents +all this to Madame, who is a person of quality. He does me the honor of +using my house and of wishing me to be with him. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: All that's nonsense. I know what I know. +<p>DORANTE: Come Madame Jourdain, put on better glasses. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't need glasses, sir, I see well enough; I have +had suspicions for a long time, and I'm not a fool. This is very low of +you, of a great lord, to lend a hand as you do to the follies of my husband. +And you, Madame, for a great lady, it is neither fine nor honest of you +to cause dissension in a household and to allow my husband to be in love +with you. +<p>DORIMÈNE: What is she trying to say with all this? Goodness Dorante! +You have outdone yourself by exposing me to the absurd fantasies of this +ridiculous woman. +<p>DORANTE: Madame, wait! Madame, where are you going? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame! Monsieur Count, make excuses to her and try +to bring her back. Ah! You impertinent creature, this is a fine way to +act! You come and insult me in front of everybody, and you drive from me +people of quality. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I laugh at their quality. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I don't know who holds me back, evil creature, from +breaking your head with the remains of the repast you came to disrupt. +<i>(The table is removed).</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: <i>(Leaving)</i> I'm not concerned. These are my rights +that I defend, and I'll have all wives on my side. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You do well to avoid my rage. She arrived very inopportunely. +I was in the mood to say pretty things, and I had never felt so witty. +What's that? +<p>SCENE III <i>(Covielle, disguised; Monsieur Jourdain, Lackey)</i> +<p>COVIELLE: Sir, I don't know if I have the honor to be known to you? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, sir. +<p>COVIELLE: I saw you when you were no taller than that. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. You were the most beautiful child in the world, and all +the ladies took you in their arms to kiss you. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: To kiss me? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes, I was a great friend of your late father. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Of my late father? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. He was a very honorable gentleman. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What did you say? +<p>COVIELLE: I said that he was a very honorable gentleman. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My father? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You knew him very well? +<p>COVIELLE: Assuredly. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: And you knew him as a gentleman? +<p>COVIELLE: Without doubt. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Then I don't know what is going on! +<p>COVIELLE: What? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There are some fools who want to tell me that he +was a tradesman. +<p>COVIELLE: Him, a tradesman! It's pure slander, he never was one. All +that he did was to be very obliging, very ready to help; and, since he +was a connoisseur in cloth, he went all over to choose them, had them brought +to his house, and gave them to his friends for money. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm delighted to know you, so you can testify to +the fact that my father was a gentleman. +<p>COVIELLE: I'll attest to it before all the world. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: You'll oblige me. What business brings you here? +<p>COVIELLE: Since knowing your late father, honorable gentleman, as I +told you, I have traveled through all the world. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Through all the world! +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I imagine it's a long way from here to there. +<p>COVIELLE: Assuredly. I returned from all my long voyages only four days +ago; and because of the interest I take in all that concerns you, I come +to announce to you the best news in the world. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What? +<p>COVIELLE: You know that the son of the Grand Turk is here? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Me? No. +<p>COVIELLE: What! He has a very magnificent retinue; everybody goes to +see it, and he has been received in this country as an important lord. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith! I didn't know that. +<p>COVIELLE: The advantage to you in this is that he is in love with your +daughter. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. And he wants to be your son-in-law. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: My son-in-law, the son of the Grand Turk? +<p>COVIELLE: The son of the Grand Turk your son-in-law. As I went to see +him, and as I perfectly understand his language, he conversed with me; +and, after some other discourse, he said to me<i>, "Acciam</i> <i>croc +soler ouch alla moustaph gidelum amanahem varahini oussere</i> <i>carbulath,"</i> +that is to say, "Haven't you seen a beautiful young person who is the daughter +of Monsieur Jourdain, gentleman of Paris?" +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk said that of me? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. Inasmuch as I told him in reply that I knew you particularly +well and that I had seen your daughter: <i>"Ah!"</i> he said to me, <i>"marababa +sahem;"</i> Which is to say, "Ah, how I am enamored of her!" +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN<i>: "Marababa sahem"</i> means "Ah, how I am enamored +of her"? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: By my faith, you do well to tell me, since, as for +me, I would never have believed that <i>"marababa sahem"</i> could have +meant to say "Oh, how I am enamored of her!" What an admirable language +Turkish is! +<p>COVIELLE: More admirable than one can believe. Do you know what <i>Cacaracamouchen</i> +means? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Cacaracamouchen?</i> No. +<p>COVIELLE: It means: It means, "My dear soul." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Cacaracamouchen</i> means "My dear soul?" +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That's marvelous! <i>Cacaracamouchen</i>, my dear +soul. Who would have thought? I'm dumbfounded. +<p>COVIELLE: Finally, to complete my assignment, he comes to ask for your +daughter in marriage; and in order to have a father-in-law who should be +worthy of him, he wants to make you a <i>Mamamouchi</i>, which is a certain +high rank in his country. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Mamamouchi?'</i> +<p>COVIELLE: Yes, <i>Mamamouchi</i>; that is to say, in our language, a +Paladin. Paladin is one of those ancient . . . Well, Paladin! There is +none nobler than that in the world, and you will be equal to the greatest +lords of the earth. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The son of the Grand Turk honors me greatly. Please +take me to him in order to express my thanks. +<p>COVIELLE: What! He is going to come here. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He's coming here? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes. And he is bringing everything for the ceremony of bestowing +your rank. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That seems very quick. +<p>COVIELLE: His love can suffer no delay. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: All that embarrasses me here is that my daughter +is a stubborn one who has gotten into her head a certain Cleonte, and she +swears she'll marry no one but him. +<p>COVIELLE: She'll change her mind when she sees the son of the Grand +Turk; and then there is a remarkable coincidence here, it is that the son +of the Grand Turk resembles this Cléonte very closely. I just saw +him, someone showed him to me; and the love she has for the one can easily +pass to the other, and . . . I hear him coming. There he is. +<p>SCENE IV <i>(Cléonte, as a Turk, with three Pages carrying his +outer</i> <i>clothes, Monsieur Jourdain, Covielle, disguised.)</i> +<p>CLÉONTE: <i>Ambousahim oqui boraf, Iordina, salamalequi.</i> +<p>COVIELLE: That is to say: "Monsieur Jourdain, may your heart be all +the year like a flowering rosebush." This is the way of speaking politely +in those countries. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I am the most humble servant of His Turkish Highness. +<p>COVIELLE:<i> Carigar camboto oustin moraf .</i> +<p>CLÉONTE: <i>Oustin yoc catamalequi basum base alla moran.</i> +<p>COVIELLE: He says: "Heaven gives you the strength of lions and the wisdom +of serpents." +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: His Turkish Highness honors me too much, and I wish +him all sorts of good fortune. +<p>COVIELLE: <i>Ossa binamen sadoc babally oracaf ouram.</i> +<p>CLÉONTE: <i>Bel-men</i>. +<p>COVIELLE: He says that you should go with him quickly to prepare yourself +for the ceremony; then you can see your daughter and conclude the marriage. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: So many things in two words? +<p>COVIELLE: Yes; the Turkish language is like that, it says much in few +words. Go quickly where he wants. +<p>SCENE V <i>(Dorante, Covielle)</i> +<p>COVIELLE: Ha, ha, ha! My faith, that was hilarious. What a dupe! If +he had learned his role by heart, he could not have played it better. Ah! +Ah! Excuse me, Sir, Wouldn't you like to help us here in an affair that +is taking place. +<p>DORANTE: Ah! Ah! Covielle, who would have recognized you? How you are +made up! +<p>COVIELLE: You see, ha, ha! +<p>DORANTE: What are you laughing at? +<p>COVIELLE: At a thing, Sir, that well deserves it. +<p>DORANTE: What? +<p>COVIELLE: I'll give you many chances, Sir, to guess the stratagem we +are using on Monsieur Jourdain to get him to give his daughter to my master. +<p>DORANTE: I can't begin to guess the stratagem, but I guess it will not +fail in its effect, since you are undertaking it. +<p>COVIELLE: I see, Sir, that you know me too well. +<p>DORANTE: Tell me what it is. +<p>COVIELLE: Come over here a little to make room for what I see coming. +You can see part of the story, while I tell you the rest. +<p><i>(The Turkish ceremony for ennobling Monsieur Jourdain is performed</i> +<i>in dance and music, and comprises the Fourth Interlude.) [The</i> <i>ceremony +is a burlesque full of comic gibberish in pseudo-Turkish</i> <i>and nonsensical +French, in which Monsieur Jourdain is made to appear</i> <i>ludicrous and +during which he is outfitted with an extravagant costume,</i> <i>turban, +and sword.]</i> <i> </i> <i> </i> +<p>ACT FIVE +<p>SCENE I <i>(Madame Jourdaine, Monsieur Jourdain)</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah, My God! Mercy! What is all of this? What a spectacle! +Are you dressed for a masquerade, and is this a time to go masked? Speak +then, what is this? Who has bundled you up like that? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: See the impertinent woman, to speak in this way to +a <i>Mamamouchi</i>! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: How's that? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, you must show me respect now, as I've just been +made a <i>Mamamouchi</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say with your <i>Mamamouchi</i>? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Mamamouchi</i>, I tell you. I'm a Mamamouchi. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What animal is that? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Mamamouchi</i>, that is to say, in our language, +Paladin. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Baladin! Are you of an age to dance in ballets? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What an ignorant woman! I said Paladin. It's a dignity +which has just been bestowed upon me in a ceremony. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What ceremony then? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Mahometa-per-Jordina</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What does that mean? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Jordina</i>, that is to say, Jourdain. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Very well, what of Jourdain? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Voler far un Paladina de Jordina</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Dar turbanta con galera</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Which is to say what? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Per deffender Palestina</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What are you trying to say? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Dara, dara, bastonnara</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What jargon is this? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>Non tener honta, questa star l'ultima affronta</i>. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What in the world is all that? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Dancing and singing). Hou la ba, Ba la chou, +ba</i> <i>la ba, ba la da.</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Alas! Oh Lord, my husband has gone mad. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(Leaving)</i> Peace, insolent woman! Show respect +to the Monsieur Mamamouchi. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Has he lost his mind? I must hurry to stop him from +going out. Ah! Ah! This is the last straw! I see nothing but shame on all +sides. +<p><i>(She leaves.)</i> <i> </i> +<p>SCENE II <i>(Dorante, Dorimène)</i> +<p>DORANTE: Yes, Madame, you are going to see the most amusing thing imaginable. +I don't believe it would be possible to find in all the world another man +as crazy as that one is. And then too, Madame, we must try to help Cléonte's +plan by supporting his masquerade. He's a very gallant man and deserves +our help. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I think highly of him and he deserves happiness. +<p>DORANTE: Besides that, we have here, Madame, another ballet performance +that we shouldn't miss, and I want to see if my idea will succeed. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I saw magnificent preparations, and I can no longer +permit this Dorante. Yes, I finally want to end your extravagances and +to stop all these expenses that I see you go to for me, I have decided +to marry you right away. This is the truth of it, that all these sorts +of things end with marriage, as you know. +<p>DORANTE: Ah! Madame, is it possible that you should have taken such +a sweet decision in my favor? +<p>DORIMÈNE: It is only to impede you from ruining yourself; without +that, I see very well that before long you would not have a penny. +<p>DORANTE: How obliged I am to you, Madame, for the care you have to conserve +my money! It is entirely yours, as well as my heart, and you may use them +in whatever fashion you please. +<p>DORIMÈNE: I'll make use of them both. But here is your man: his +costume is wonderful. +<p>SCENE III <i>(Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, Dorimène)</i> +<p>DORANTE: Sir, we come to pay homage, Madame and I, to your new dignity, +and to rejoice with you at the marriage between your daughter and the son +of the Grand Turk. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: <i>(After bowing in the Turkish way)</i> Sir, I wish +you the strength of serpents and the wisdom of lions. +<p>DORIMENE,: I was very glad, Sir, to be among the first to come to congratulate +you upon rising to such a high degree of honor. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Madame, I wish your rosebush to flower all year long; +I am infinitely obliged to you for taking part in the honors bestowed upon +me; and I am very happy to see you returned here, so I can make very humble +excuses for the ridiculous behavior of my wife. +<p>DORIMÈNE: That's nothing. I excuse her jumping to conclusions: +your heart must be precious to her, and it isn't strange that the possession +of such a man as you should inspire some jealousy. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: The possession of my heart is a thing that has been +entirely gained by you. +<p>DORANTE: You see, Madame, that Monsieur Jourdain is not one of those +men that good fortune blinds, and that he still knows, even in his glory, +how to recognize his friends. +<p>DORIMÈNE: It is the mark of a completely generous soul. +<p>DORANTE: Where then is His Turkish Highness? We want, as your friends, +to pay him our respects. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There he comes, and I have sent for my daughter in +order to give him her hand. +<p>SCENE IV <i>(Cléonte, Covielle, Monsieur Jourdain, etc.)</i> +<p>DORANTE: Sir, we come to bow to Your Highness as friends of the gentleman +who is your father-in-law, and to assure you with respect of our very humble +services. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Where's the interpreter to tell him who you are and +to make him understand what you say? You will see that he will reply, and +that he speaks Turkish marvelously. Hey there! Where the devil has he gone? +<i>(To Cléonte). Strouf, strif, strof, straf</i>. The gentleman +is a <i>grande Segnore, grande Segnore, grande Segnore</i>. And Madame +is a <i>Dama granda Dama, granda</i>. Ahi! He, Monsieur, he French <i>Mamamauchi</i>, +and Madame also French <i>Mamamouchie</i>. I can't say it more clearly. +Good, here's the interpreter. Where are you going? We won't know how to +say anything without you. Tell him, that Monsieur and Madame are persons +of high rank, who have come to pay their respects to him, as my friends, +and to assure him of their services. You'll see how he will reply. +<p>COVIELLE: <i>Alabala crociam acci boram alabamen</i>. +<p>CLÉONTE: <i>Catalequi tubal ourin soter amalouchan</i>. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: See? +<p>COVIELLE: He says that the rain of prosperity should water the garden +of your family in all seasons. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I told you that he speaks Turkish! +<p>DORANTE: That's wonderful. +<p>SCENE V <i>(Lucile, Monsieur Jourdain, Dorante, Dorimène, etc.)</i> +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Come, my daughter; come here and give your hand to +the gentleman who does you the honor of asking for you in marriage. +<p>LUCILE: What! Father, look at you! Are you playing in a comedy? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no, this is not a comedy, it's a very serious +matter, and as full of honor for you as possible. There is the husband +I give you. +<p>LUCILE: To me, father? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, to you. Come, put your hand in his, and give +thanks to Heaven for your happiness. +<p>LUCILE: I have absolutely no wish to marry. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I wish it, I, who am your father. +<p>LUCILLE: I'll do nothing of the sort. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! What a nuisance! Come, I tell you. Give your +hand. +<p>LUCILE: No, my father, I told you, there is no power on earth that can +make me take any husband other than Cléonte. And I will go to extreme +measures rather than . . . <i>(Recognizes Cléonte)</i> It is true +that you are my father; I owe you complete obedience; and it is for you +to dispose of me according to your wishes. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! I am delighted to see you return so promptly +to your duty, and it pleases me to have an obedient daughter. +<p>SCENE VI <i>(Madame Jourdain, Monsieur Jourdain, Cléonte, etc.)</i> +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What now? What's this? They say that you want to give +your daughter in marriage to a someone in a Carnival costume? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Will you be quiet, impertinent woman? You always +throw your absurdities into everything, and there's no teaching you to +be reasonable. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: It's you that there is no way of making wise, and you +go from folly to folly. What is your plan, and what do you want to do with +this assemblage of people? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I want to marry our daughter to the son of the Grand +Turk. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: To the son of the Grand Turk? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes. Greet him through the interpreter there. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't need an interpreter; and I'll tell him straight +out myself, to his face, that there is no way he will have my daughter. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I ask again, will you be quiet? +<p>DORANTE: What! Madame Jourdain, do you oppose such good fortune as that? +You refuse His Turkish Highness as your son-in-law? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: My Goodness, Sir, mind your own business. +<p>DORIMÈNE: It's a great glory, which is not to be rejected. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Madame, I beg you also not to concern yourself with +what does not affect you. +<p>DORANTE: It's the friendship we have for you that makes us involve ourselves +in your interest. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I can get along quite well without your friendship. +<p>DORANTE: Your daughter here agrees to the wishes of her father. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: My daughter consents to marry a Turk? +<p>DORANTE: Without doubt. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: She can forget Cléonte? +<p>DORANTE: What wouldn't one do to be a great lady? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I would strangle her with my own hands if she did something +like that. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is just so much talk. I tell you, this marriage +shall take place. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: And I say there is no way that it will happen. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, what a row! +<p>LUCILE: Mother! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Go away, you are a hussy. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What! You quarrel with her for obeying me? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes. She is mine as much as yours. +<p>COVIELLE: Madame! +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: What do you want to tell me? +<p>COVIELLE: A word. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I want nothing to do with your word. +<p>COVIELLE: <i>(To Monsieur Jourdain)</i> Sir, if she will hear a word +in private, I promise you to make her consent to what you want. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I will never consent to It. +<p>COVIELLE: Only listen to me. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: No. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Listen to him. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: No, I don't want to listen to him. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: He is going tell you . . . +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I don't want him to tell me anything whatsoever. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There is the great stubbornness of a woman! How can +it hurt you to listen to him? +<p>COVIELLE: Just listen to me; after that you can do as you please. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Alright! What? +<p>COVIELLE: <i>(Aside to Madame Jourdain)</i> For an hour, Madame, we've +been signaling to you. Don't you see that all this is done only to accommodate +ourselves to the fantasies of your husband, that we are fooling him under +this disguise and that it is Cléonte himself who is the son of the +Grand Turk? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah! Ah! +<p>COVIELLE: And I, Covielle, am the interpreter? +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Ah! If this is the case then, I surrender. +<p>COVIELLE: Don't let on. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, it's done, I agree to the marriage. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Ah! Now everyone's reasonable. You didn't want to +hear it. I knew he would explain to you what it means to be the son of +the Grand Turk. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: He explained it to me very well, and I am satisfied. +Let us send for a notary. +<p>DORANTE: This is very well said. And finally, Madame Jourdain, in order +to relieve your mind completely, and that you may lose today all the jealousy +that you may have conceived of your husband, we shall have the same notary +marry us, Madame and me. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: I agree to that also. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Is this to make her believe our story? +<p>DORANTE: <i>(Aside to Monsieur Jourdain)</i> It is necessary to amuse +her with this pretence. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Good, good! Someone go for the notary. +<p>DORANTE: While we wait for him to come and while he draws up the contracts, +let us see our ballet, and divert His Turkish Highness with it. +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That is very well advised. Come, let's take our places. +<p>MADAME JOURDAIN: And Nicole? +<p>MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I give her to the interpreter; and my wife to whoever +wants her. +<p>COVIELLE: Sir, I thank you. <i>(Aside)</i> If one can find a greater +fool, I'll go to Rome to tell it. <i> </i> +<p><i>(The comedy ends with a ballet.)</i> + +<br>End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of The Middle Class Gentleman, +by Moliere + +</body> +</html> |