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diff --git a/29625.txt b/29625.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..109f67e --- /dev/null +++ b/29625.txt @@ -0,0 +1,762 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Teething Ring, by James Causey + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Teething Ring + +Author: James Causey + +Illustrator: Dick Francis + +Release Date: August 6, 2009 [EBook #29625] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TEETHING RING *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +Teething Ring + +By JAMES CAUSEY + +[Illustration: Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS] + + + _Anyone can make an error, but the higher the + society ... the more disastrous the mistake!_ + + +Half an hour before, while she had been engrossed in the current soap +opera and Harry Junior was screaming in his crib, Melinda would +naturally have slammed the front door in the little man's face. However, +when the bell rang, she was wearing her new Chinese red housecoat, had +just lustered her nails to a blinding scarlet, and Harry Junior was +sleeping like an angel. + +Yawning, Melinda answered the door and the little man said, beaming, +"Excellent day. I have geegaws for information." + +Melinda did not quite recoil. He was perhaps five feet tall, with a +gleaming hairless scalp and a young-old face. He wore a plain gray +tunic, and a peddler's tray hung from his thin shoulders. + +"Don't want any," Melinda stated flatly. + +"_Please._" He had great, beseeching amber eyes. "They all say that. I +haven't much time. I must be back at the University by noon." + +"You working your way through college?" + +He brightened. "Yes. I suppose you could call it that. Alien +anthropology major." + +Melinda softened. The initiations those frats pulled nowadays--shaving +the poor guy's head, eating goldfish--it was criminal. + +"Well?" she asked grudgingly. "What's in the tray?" + +"Flanglers," said the little man eagerly. "Oscilloscopes. Portable +force-field generators. A neural distorter." Melinda's face was blank. +The little man frowned. "You use them, of course? This _is_ a Class IV +culture?" Melinda essayed a weak shrug and the little man sighed with +relief. His eyes fled past her to the blank screen of the TV set. "Ah, a +monitor." He smiled. "For a moment I was afraid--May I come in?" + + * * * * * + +Melinda shrugged, opened the door. This might be interesting, like a +vacuum-cleaner salesman who had cleaned her drapes last week for free. +And Kitty Kyle Battles Life wouldn't be on for almost an hour. + +"My name is Porteous," said the little man with an eager smile. "I'm +doing a thematic on Class IV cultures." He whipped out a stylus, began +jotting down notes. The TV set fascinated him. + +"It's turned off right now," Melinda said. + +Porteous's eyes widened impossibly. "You mean," he whispered in horror, +"that you're exercising Class V privileges? This is terribly confusing. +I get doors slammed in my face, when Class Fours are supposed to have a +splendid gregarian quotient--you _do_ have atomic power, don't you?" + +"Oh, sure," said Melinda uncomfortably. This wasn't going to be much +fun. + +"Space travel?" The little face was intent, sharp. + +"Well," Melinda yawned, looking at the blank screen, "they've got Space +Patrol, Space Cadet, Tales of Tomorrow ..." + +"Excellent. Rocket ships or force-fields?" Melinda blinked. "Does your +husband own one?" Melinda shook her blonde head helplessly. "What are +your economic circumstances?" + +Melinda took a deep rasping breath, said, "Listen, mister, is this a +demonstration or a quiz program?" + +"Oh, my excuse. Demonstration, certainly. You will not mind the +questions?" + +"Questions?" There was an ominous glint in Melinda's blue eyes. + +"Your delightful primitive customs, art-forms, personal habits--" + +"Look," Melinda said, crimsoning. "This is a respectable neighborhood, +and I'm not answering any Kinsey report, understand?" + +The little man nodded, scribbling. "Personal habits are tabu? I so +regret. The demonstration." He waved grandly at the tray. "Anti-grav +sandals? A portable solar converter? Apologizing for this miserable +selection, but on Capella they told me--" He followed Melinda's +entranced gaze, selected a tiny green vial. "This is merely a +regenerative solution. You appear to have no cuts or bruises." + +"Oh," said Melinda nastily. "Cures warts, cancer, grows hair, I +suppose." + +Porteous brightened. "Of course. I see you can scan. Amazing." He +scribbled further with his stylus, glanced up, blinked at the obvious +scorn on Melinda's face. "Here. Try it." + +"You try it." Now watch him squirm! + +Porteous hesitated. "Would you like me to grow an extra finger, hair--" + +"Grow some hair." Melinda tried not to smile. + +The little man unstopped the vial, poured a shimmering green drop on his +wrist, frowning. + +"Must concentrate," he said. "Thorium base, suspended solution. Really +jolts the endocrines, complete control ... see?" + +Melinda's jaw dropped. She stared at the tiny tuft of hair which had +sprouted on that bare wrist. She was thinking abruptly, unhappily, about +that chignon she had bought yesterday. They had let her buy that for +eight dollars when with this stuff she could have a natural one. + +"How much?" she inquired cautiously. + +"A half hour of your time only," said Porteous. + +Melinda grasped the vial firmly, settled down on the sofa with one leg +tucked carefully under her. + +"Okay, shoot. But nothing personal." + + * * * * * + +Porteous was delighted. He asked a multitude of questions, most of them +pointless, some naive, and Melinda dug into her infinitesimal fund of +knowledge and gave. The little man scribbled furiously, clucking like a +gravid hen. + +"You mean," he asked in amazement, "that you live in these primitive +huts of your own volition?" + +"It's a G.I. housing project," Melinda said, ashamed. + +"Astonishing." He wrote: _Feudal anachronisms and atomic power, side by +side. Class Fours periodically "rough it" in back-to-nature movements._ + +Harry Junior chose that moment to begin screaming for his lunch. +Porteous sat, trembling. "Is that a Security Alarm?" + +"My son," said Melinda despondently, and went into the nursery. + +Porteous followed, and watched the ululating child with some +trepidation. "Newborn?" + +"Eighteen months," said Melinda stiffly, changing diapers. "He's cutting +teeth." + +Porteous shuddered. "What a pity. Obviously atavistic. Wouldn't the +creche accept him? You shouldn't have to keep him here." + +"I keep after Harry to get a maid, but he says we can't afford one." + +"Manifestly insecure," muttered the little man, studying Harry Junior. +"Definite paranoid tendencies." + +"He was two weeks premature," volunteered Melinda. "He's real +sensitive." + +"I know just the thing," Porteous said happily. "Here." He dipped into +the glittering litter on the tray and handed Harry Junior a translucent +prism. "A neural distorter. We use it to train regressives on Rigel Two. +It might be of assistance." + +Melinda eyed the thing doubtfully. Harry Junior was peering into the +shifting crystal depths with a somewhat strained expression. + +"Speeds up the neural flow," explained the little man proudly. "Helps +tap the unused eighty per cent. The pre-symptomatic memory is +unaffected, due to automatic cerebral lapse in case of overload. I'm +afraid it won't do much more than cube his present IQ, and an +intelligent idiot is still an idiot, but--" + +"How dare you?" Melinda's eyes flashed. "My son is _not_ an idiot! You +get out of here this minute and take your--things with you." As she +reached for the prism, Harry Junior squalled. Melinda relented. "Here," +she said angrily, fumbling with her purse. "How much are they?" + +"Medium of exchange?" Porteous rubbed his bald skull. "Oh, I really +shouldn't--but it'll make such a wonderful addendum to the chapter on +malignant primitives. What is your smallest denomination?" + +"Is a dollar okay?" Melinda was hopeful. + +Porteous was pleased with the picture of George Washington. He turned +the bill over and over in his fingers, at last bowed low and formally, +apologized for any tabu violations, and left via the front door. + +"Crazy fraternities," muttered Melinda, turning on the TV set. + + * * * * * + +Kitty Kyle was dull that morning. At length Melinda used some of the +liquid in the green vial on her eyelashes, was quite pleased at the +results, and hid the rest in the medicine cabinet. + +Harry Junior was a model of docility the rest of that day. While Melinda +watched TV and munched chocolates, did and re-did her hair, Harry Junior +played quietly with the crystal prism. + +Toward late afternoon, he crawled over to the bookcase, wrestled down +the encyclopedia and pawed through it, gurgling with delight. He +definitely, Melinda decided, would make a fine lawyer someday, not a +useless putterer like Big Harry, who worked all hours overtime in that +damned lab. She scowled as Harry Junior, bored with the encyclopedia, +began reaching for one of Big Harry's tomes on nuclear physics. One +putterer in the family was enough! But when she tried to take the book +away from him, Harry Junior howled so violently that she let well enough +alone. + +At six-thirty, Big Harry called from the lab, with the usual despondent +message that he would not be home for supper. Melinda said a few +resigned things about cheerless dinners eaten alone, hinted darkly what +lonesome wives sometimes did for company, and Harry said he was very +sorry, but this might be _it_, and Melinda hung up on him in a temper. + +Precisely fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang. Melinda opened the +front door and gaped. This little man could have been Porteous's double, +except for the black metallic tunic, the glacial gray eyes. + +"Mrs. Melinda Adams?" Even the voice was frigid. + +"Y-Yes. Why--" + +"Major Nord, Galactic Security." The little man bowed. "You were visited +early this morning by one Porteous." He spoke the name with a certain +disgust. "He left a neural distorter here. Correct?" + +Melinda's nod was tremulous. Major Nord came quietly into the living +room, shut the door behind him. "My apologies, madam, for the intrusion. +Porteous mistook your world for a Class IV culture, instead of a Class +VII. Here--" He handed her the crumpled dollar bill. "You may check the +serial number. The distorter, please." + + * * * * * + +Melinda shrunk limply onto the sofa. "I don't understand," she said +painfully. "Was he a thief?" + +"He was--careless about his spatial coordinates." Major Nord's teeth +showed in the faintest of smiles. "He has been corrected. Where is it?" + +"Now look," said Melinda with some asperity. "That thing's kept Harry +Junior quiet all day. I bought it in good faith, and it's not my +fault--say, have you got a warrant?" + +"Madam," said the Major with dignity, "I dislike violating local tabus, +but must I explain the impact of a neural distorter on a backwater +culture? What if your Neanderthal had been given atomic blasters? Where +would you have been today? Swinging through trees, no doubt. What if +your Hitler had force-fields?" He exhaled. "Where is your son?" + +In the nursery, Harry Junior was contentedly playing with his blocks. +The prism lay glinting in the corner. + +Major Nord picked it up carefully, scrutinized Harry Junior. His voice +was very soft. + +"You said he was--playing with it?" + +Some vestigial maternal instinct prompted Melinda to shake her head +vigorously. The little man stared hard at Harry Junior, who began +whimpering. Trembling, Melinda scooped up Harry Junior. + +"Is _that_ all you have to do--run around frightening women and +children? Take your old distorter and get out. Leave decent people +alone!" + +Major Nord frowned. If only he could be sure. He peered stonily at Harry +Junior, murmured, "Definite egomania. It doesn't seem to have affected +him. Strange." + +"Do you want me to scream?" Melinda demanded. + +Major Nord sighed. He bowed to Melinda, went out, closed the door, +touched a tiny stud on his tunic, and vanished. + +"The manners of some people," Melinda said to Harry Junior. She was +relieved that the Major had not asked for the green vial. + +Harry Junior also looked relieved, although for quite a different +reason. + + * * * * * + +Big Harry arrived home a little after eleven. There were small worry +creases about his mouth and forehead, and the leaden cast of defeat in +his eyes. He went into the bedroom and Melinda sleepily told him about +the little man working his way through college by peddling silly goods, +and about that rude cop named Nord, and Harry said that was simply +astonishing and Melinda said, "Harry, you had a drink!" + +"I had two drinks," Harry told her owlishly. "You married a failure, +dear. Part of the experimental model vaporized, _wooosh_, just like +that. On paper it looked so good--" + +Melinda had heard it all before. She asked him to see if Harry Junior +was covered, and Big Harry went unsteadily into the nursery, sat down by +his son's crib. + +"Poor little guy," he mused. "Your old man's a bum, a useless tinker. He +thought he could send Man to the stars on a string of helium nuclei. Oh, +he was smart. Thought of everything. Auxiliary jets to kick off the +negative charge, bigger mercury vapor banks--a fine straight thrust of +positive Alpha particles." He hiccuped, put his face in his hands. + +"Didn't you ever stop to think that a few air molecules could defocus +the stream? Try a vacuum, stupid." + +Big Harry stood up. + +"Did you say something, son?" + +"Gurfle," said Harry Junior. + +Big Harry reeled into the living room like a somnambulist. + +He got pencil and paper, began jotting frantic formulae. Presently he +called a cab and raced back to the laboratory. + + * * * * * + +Melinda was dreaming about little bald men with diamond-studded trays. +They were chasing her, they kept pelting her with rubies and emeralds, +all they wanted was to ask questions, but she kept running, Harry Junior +clasped tightly in her arms. Now they were ringing alarm bells. The +bells kept ringing and she groaned, sat up in bed, and seized the +telephone. + +"Darling." Big Harry's voice shook. "I've got it! More auxiliary +shielding plus a vacuum. We'll be rich!" + +"That's just fine," said Melinda crossly. "You woke the baby." + +Harry Junior was sobbing bitterly into his pillow. He was sick with +disappointment. Even the most favorable extrapolation showed it would +take him nineteen years to become master of the world. + +An eternity. Nineteen years! + + --JAMES CAUSEY + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Galaxy Science Fiction_ January 1953. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Teething Ring, by James Causey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TEETHING RING *** + +***** This file should be named 29625.txt or 29625.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/6/2/29625/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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