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diff --git a/29620.txt b/29620.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9ef4141 --- /dev/null +++ b/29620.txt @@ -0,0 +1,790 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Sorry: Wrong Dimension, by Ross Rocklynne + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Sorry: Wrong Dimension + +Author: Ross Rocklynne + +Release Date: August 5, 2009 [EBook #29620] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SORRY: WRONG DIMENSION *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + SORRY: + Wrong Dimension + + BY ROSS ROCKLYNNE + + + _So the baby had a pet monster. And so nobody but + baby could see it. And so a couple of men dropped + out of thin air to check and see if the monster + was licensed or not. So what's strange about that?_ + + +Baby didn't cry all day, because he had a monster for a playmate. But I +didn't know he had a playmate, and much less did I know it was a +monster. The honest truth is that for the first time since baby was +born, I had my nerves under control, and I didn't dare investigate why +he wasn't crying. I got all the ironing done--all of it, mind you--and I +got Harry's work-clothes mended and I also read three installments of a +Saturday Evening Post serial I'd been saving. And besides this Mabel, my +neighbor, and I had a couple or three cups of coffee. We also had a +giggling fit. I remember once we went off into hysterics at the picture +of ourselves we had--two haggard old wrecks of women, worn out at +twenty-three from too much work around the house. "But thank Heavens +baby hasn't cried all day!" I gurgled when we came out of it. + +"Neither has mine," said Mabel, who isn't due for six months. + +"Mabel, honest, you kill me," I said, "and excuse me while I comb my +messy hair--because I'm _not_ a wreck. Harry said so. He says I'm still +the best hunk of female pulchritude he's met since high school--and +we've been married two years!" + + * * * * * + +I went into the bathroom leaving Mabel choking hysterically behind me. +When I came out of the bathroom, she was hysterical but in a different +way. She'd discovered why Harry, Jr., wasn't crying. She'd been in the +nursery. Her face was white as an egg-shell. + +"He's playing with something," she chattered. "It's _alive_. I heard it +cooing back." + +I ran three steps to baby's crib ... one on the corner of Little Jack +Horner, one on the sheep of Little Bo Peep, one on the cupboard of Old +Mother Hubbard. "Baby!" I almost screamed. But baby cooed and gurgled +and laughed and rocked back and forth on his diapers. He was playing +with his teething ring, but something was trying to jerk the teething +ring out of his hands. And baby liked it. + +[Illustration] + +Baby lost his hold on the teething ring, and fell on his back. The +teething ring stayed up in the air and then by itself moved toward +baby's waving hands and let him get a hold of it. + +Mabel screeched through her teeth, "Baby's got it, the monster's got it, +now baby's got it!" She began to collapse. + +"Don't faint," I snapped, "and don't let's play tennis." I was shaking. +I reached into the crib. My hands closed around something that put +ice-water in my vertebrae. It _was_ a monster. + +"It's got fur!" I whispered. I felt some more. "And clammy scales!" I +lifted it out of the crib. "And a trunk!" I was determined to save baby. +Baby cried! + + * * * * * + +We got some chairs and sat there for ten minutes close together while +baby played with the invisible monster. "I don't know what to do!" I +said. "It's alive. Maybe it's poisonous. But it's friendly. Maybe it's +another baby!" + +"From another dimension," said Mabel. + +"Rot," I said; I think I picked that up from the detective in the +Saturday Evening Post serial. "Let's keep our heads." + +"If baby keeps his," said my friend Mabel. + +That got me. "I've got to call Harry," I chattered. "They don't like him +to be called at work, but I've got to call him." + +"You'll just worry him," said Mabel. "Call the police." + +"No!" I said. I felt like crying myself. Baby was so happy. Maybe the +baby monster was happy, too. The police would do something awful to it. +But what about my maternal instinct? Something told me I simply had to +save my baby! "I've _got_ to call Harry," I insisted, and I went to the +'phone. + +The dial tone sounded peculiar, I remember, but I called Harry's place +of employment. A brisk female voice cut in: + +"What number are you calling, please?" + +"CHarlemont 7-890," I whispered. + +"Sorry. You must have the wrong dimension." There was a click as she +disconnected. I sat like a statue. A haggard statue with a greasy +housedress on. A statue that hadn't plucked its eyebrows in two months. +I had a lot of nerve. I was a bad mother, and a poor mistress. And I had +a swell husband, who could lie like a trooper. I wasn't any good, I was +ugly, I was greasy. I cried. "Mabel," I choked. + +It took her a while to get it out of me, and then her blue eyes flashed. +"I told you!" she cried. "From another dimension!" In her broken-down +green wedgies she clattered toward the door. I heard her fighting it. +She couldn't get it open. Then she tried a window. It opened, but she +couldn't stick her hand out. She flung herself around. + +"Stella," she said, with a quiver of that good-looking short upper lip +of hers, "we're trapped in. We're in the middle of some kind of fantasy. +It's a crazy world we're living in, Stella. A-bombs and H-bombs and +flying saucers and space-flight--it's all the fiction stuff coming true. +Now we're lost in some other dimension, and I have to get dinner in the +oven." + +"Please," I mumbled. "Let's don't get desperate about the wrong things." +I tried all the doors and windows in the house, and it was true. We were +trapped in. There was some barrier surrounding the house. There wasn't +anything to see outside except a kind of grey steam. + +We went back to check on baby. He was still playing with the monster. I +bent over the crib and held a fluffy, fifty-cent toy bear out. The baby +monster took it invisibly out of my hand. He shoved it at baby. Baby +squealed so darned happily. And I began to get some perspective. + +"Suspicion is wrong," I told Mabel. "All the time. That's what that +article we read a couple months ago in _Your World_ said. Remember you +and I decided we'd never be suspicious. Maybe that's the reason we're +happy--if dirty. We don't suspect anybody of anything if we can help +it--and now's no time to start. The monster is baby's friend." + + * * * * * + +Mabel shuddered. "Okay," she said. "But I'm still worried about getting +dinner in the oven. Bill's liable to--" + +"Hah, now you're being suspicious," I said, lousy with virtue. "Quit +worrying. I'm going to call Harry again." This time I was a lot calmer. +I decided to trust the universe a little more. I dialed Harry's number +again. A scratchy male voice answered: + +"Sorry, dis dimension is in use. Would ya please get off da line?" + +I dug a few trenches and established a line of fire. + +"Listen," I said. "I'm in trouble." + +"A dame," he said wonderingly. + +"Yeah, a dame," I cried. "What's so unusual about a dame? Why does every +male in Kingdom Come get that note in his voice when he talks with a +dame? Sure I'm a dame, a good-looking dame! I'd like to punch you in the +eye to prove it!" + +He laughed. He must have turned away from the 'phone. "It's a dame." + +"Okay, find out what she wants." + +"Spill it," he said into the 'phone. I spilled it. "What's that address +again?" he asked. I told him. "Naw, naw," he said impatiently. "The +planet. The _planet_. And the year." I told him. + +He must have turned away from the 'phone again, because I heard him say +off-stage, "They're only ten years away." I was numb. He came back on +the line. "And what's dis about a baby monster? Fur? Scales? A trunk? +The size of Harry, Jr.? Ma'am, we'll be there in a jiff," and he hung +up. + +Mabel was nervously hanging on my ear, but I didn't get a chance to +answer her questions. The door in the living room opened and they walked +in. + +For a second I saw a ship that looked like a cake-pan, hanging in the +grey steam. Then they closed the door and grinned at us. Instinctively, +Mabel and I tried to shrink our bust-lines. + +"Hello," said the tall one. He scratched at his hairy chest and grinned +wider. He was carrying a piece of machinery that looked like a camera on +a tripod. "Lemme introduce myself," he said. "Jake Comstock. We come +over to do you dames a favor. We'll kick you back where you belong." + +"Yeah," I said, "I'll bet." + +"And this here is Beany Rocine. He's my partner. We--uh--work together." + +"Hi dere," said Beany. "Where's da monster?" + +"Introductions," said Jake, casting him a hard look. "Manners." + +So I introduced us. "I'm Mrs. Weaver," I said. "And this is my neighbor, +Mrs. Aspectia." + +"Pleased ta meetcha, girls," grinned Jake. "You, Blondie," he was +looking at me, "you must be the one talked on the 'phone. I liked the +way you handled Beany. Real cute." He dropped the tripod thing in a +corner, and sidled toward me. "Now where's this monster?" he asked, +slipping his hand around my bare arm and grinning down at me. + + * * * * * + +I knew better than to play rough, so I just looked down at his hand, and +didn't stop looking at it until he took it away. He lost a lot of his +grin. "So where is it?" he said, his voice turning hard and unpleasant. + +"Don't worry about that," I said. "Matter of fact, I'm getting so the +monster doesn't worry me. He's been playing with baby all day and baby +hasn't objected. The main thing I'd like you gentlemen to do for us is +to get busy moving us back to our own dimension." + +"That's right," said Mabel, her hands on her hips. "And let us know +right now what the charges are going to be, if any." + +"No charge," said the runt Beany, staring fascinated at her legs. "'Cept +we're taking da monster wit' us. Real expensive, them monsters. Drinkos, +they're called. Dey get lost in da dimensions now and then. Picked one +up on Pluto fifty years or so acome--or ago." + +"Ago?" I said. + +"Acome," he corrected. + +"Listen," I said, making up my mind. "You can't have the monster. He's +kept baby happy all day. But I'll tell you what I'll do. Tell me what he +eats and what to do for him and I'll keep him. I've got twenty-five +dollars in poker winnings you can have. Okay--Jake?" + +Jake broke out laughing. "You kids are terrific," he said. "You don't +know what the score is. You're cute!" + +"Thanks," I said bitterly. "You restore my confidence. I feel myself +blooming under your hungry gaze." + +"Those Drinkos are worth a couple million credits, is what I'm getting +at, and you offer us a stinkin' twenty-five dollars. Tell you what, +Blondie." He winked at me. "You kids are over-worked. One look and you +can tell that. Well, Beany and me have got a little cabin up on +Dimension-L, cut off from everything. The four of us can go there and +have a fine old time. We could stay there a month, and still get you +back here in time to kiss your husbands when they get in from work. +Whaddya say, Blondie? And you can keep the Drinko!" + +"We are accepting no propositions this week," said Mabel with dignity. + +"Ah-h, a coupla kill-joys," growled Beany, wandering off toward the +hall. + +Mabel looked at me and then picked up a vase off the mantle over the +fire-place. I gave her the nod. "Stay away from that Drinko," she warned +Beany, "or I'll let you have it." + +Beany was annoyed. He stopped, looking imploringly at Jake. Jake giggled +as if the whole thing tickled his sense of humor, and walked cat-footed +toward Mabel. She let go the vase with a right-handed swing. He had his +right arm out stiff in front of him, though, and the vase shied off and +smashed against the television set. Then he grabbed Mabel in a bear hug. + +That set me off. I had a yearning for Harry, then. He would have laid +these mugs out. And that's all they were--mugs, cheap crooks. I hopped +on one leg, yanking off one of my oxfords. I brought the heel down on +Jake's curly head. But it didn't do a thing for him, except make him +mad. He brought his arm back, cursing at me. It caught me on my +lipstick. I remember being surprised that he was actually knocking me +out. But that's what he did. + + * * * * * + +When I woke up, the first thing I knew was that Harry, Jr., was +screaming. I groggily stood up, and stepped over Mabel, who was just +beginning to moan. I went to the nursery and grabbed up my baby. "Don't +cry," I begged him. "Don't be mad. I'll get your Drinko back. Those +dirty thieves, I'll get it back." I held him under one arm, his pants +dripping. I think I looked like a Pekinese, with my hair over my eyes. I +went to the 'phone, dialed Harry's number, and got the same routine. + +"I _don't_ have the wrong dimension," I cried before the operator could +hang up. "This is an emergency. A couple of crooks stole my Drinko. +Please get me the dimension-police." + +"You have a Drinko?" the operator asked cautiously. "There must be some +mistake. You are calling from Earth? From 1954? I am sorry. Congress +ruled Earth 1954 could not be connected with the dimension-system. It +would be impossible for you to own a Drinko." + +"Some crooks from 1964 stole my Drinko!" I insisted. + +"One moment, please. The Supervisor informs me this is an unauthorized +call. It will be necessary to conduct a police investigation." There +were clickings, there were buzzings, there were groups of fuzzy, far-off +voices, and finally the police came in. + +"A couple of crooks stole my baby's Drinko!" I repeated loudly. "I +demand my rights as a dimension-citizen!" + +"Two thieves confiscated your Drinko," a dry voice said. "Very well. +Describe them, please. Describe characteristic phrases, expressions, and +voice-intonations also." I described them. "Very good. Did you say Earth +1954? Excellent. Only a matter of six dimensions and thirty years. We +shall investigate immediately." He hung up. + +"Hi, Stella," said Mabel, up on one elbow and looking fuzzily at me. +"You think I'll get out of this in time to get Bill's dinner in the +oven? Bill's so darned touchy about dinner." + +"Teach him a lesson, then," I snapped, disgusted with her, and running +to the door, because somebody was knocking there. "Train him. Disappoint +him. Break his pattern. Don't have dinner. Good evening, gentlemen," I +said as I opened the door. The police came in. They had Beany. They had +Jake. + + * * * * * + +There were three police. The one in front, a young, nice-looking one, +touched his cap and smiled quietly. "Here's your Drinko, ma'am," he +said, but I already knew the Drinko was back. Harry, Jr., stopped +crying. He gurgled happily. Somehow, I was willing to bet, he could see +the Drinko. I put him on the floor and the policeman put the Drinko on +the floor. It was beautiful, those squeals that came from my baby. The +young policeman smiled again, a quiet, tanned smile. + +"We want to thank you, ma'am. These two are the worst criminals in the +dimension-system. I want you to know you may have the Drinko as a reward +for your part in apprehending them. Also, I wish to say that I admire +you for your trippo in pretending to be a dimension-citizen, when, of +course, you are not." + +"Trippo?" + +"Spunk, if you prefer." + +"Well, I had to get my baby's Drinko back," I said. + +"Naturally," he smiled. "Drinkos make wonderful pets. The day may come +when Earth 1954 will be connected with dimension-system--and then more +Drinkos will be available." + +"Can't we," I asked, "just stay alone in our quiet nook of space?" + +"My thought, too," said Mabel, getting to her feet at last and throwing +her hair back. "And is there any chance of getting out of here? It's +exciting, thrilling, and romantic, but Bill still has to eat." + +"Immediately, Madam! It is merely a matter of disengaging the +chrono-beam, which happened to become tangled, in space-time, with the +gravitonic structure of the neutronic chrono-field." + +"Well!" said Mabel. "That explains it! And so clearly!" + +They set up an instrument that looked like the one Jake and Beany had. +They sighted along the diagonals of the room and pressed buttons. Then +they opened the door. "In two minutes, ma'am," the smiling cop said. +"Good day. It is my hope that we shall meet again." They disappeared out +the door. Sure enough, there was a cake-pan ship hanging in the grey +steam. They piled into it and the ship moved off, wobbling, until I +couldn't see it any more. + +A minute later, the grey steam melted away and so did Mabel. + +Harry came home on schedule. "Baby has hardly cried all day!" I told him +happily. "What a relief! I got a lot of your old clothes mended and I +read three installments of the Saturday Evening Post serial." + +"Fine!" said Harry, looking around. "What else happened?" + +"Not much," I said, deciding to break it to him gradually. "Except we've +got a Drinko." I took him into the nursery. Baby was sound asleep. I +supposed the Drinko was, too. "There he is," I said, pointing to the +depression at the foot of the crib. "That's the Drinko." I told Harry +the whole story. He listened with a straight face. + +"Well!" he said. "What thrilling adventures you have. Tell me, isn't +this sort of thing sometimes too exciting?" + +"Not at all," I said, deciding to feed his stomach before I really tried +to convince him. "It all comes under the heading of the drab, routine +duties of a housewife. Come on now, dinner's ready." + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Amazing Stories_ March 1954. Extensive + research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on + this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical + errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Sorry: Wrong Dimension, by Ross Rocklynne + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SORRY: WRONG DIMENSION *** + +***** This file should be named 29620.txt or 29620.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/6/2/29620/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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