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diff --git a/29168.txt b/29168.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..930a3ea --- /dev/null +++ b/29168.txt @@ -0,0 +1,876 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Houlihan's Equation, by Walt Sheldon + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Houlihan's Equation + +Author: Walt Sheldon + +Release Date: June 19, 2009 [EBook #29168] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOULIHAN'S EQUATION *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + _Every writer must seek his own Flowery Kingdom in imagination's + wide demesne, and if that search can begin and end on Earth his + problem has been greatly simplified. In post-war Japan Walt Sheldon + has found not only serenity, but complete freedom to write + undisturbed about the things he treasures most. A one-time Air Force + officer, he has turned to fantasy in his lighter moments, to bring + us such brightly sparkling little gems as this._ + + + houlihan's + equation + + _by ... Walt Sheldon_ + + + The tiny spaceship had been built for a journey to a star. But its + small, mischievous pilots had a rendezvous with destiny--on Earth. + + +I must admit that at first I wasn't sure I was hearing those noises. It +was in a park near the nuclear propulsion center--a cool, green spot, +with the leaves all telling each other to hush, be quiet, and the soft +breeze stirring them up again. I had known precisely such a secluded +little green sanctuary just over the hill from Mr. Riordan's farm when I +was a boy. + +Now it was a place I came to when I had a problem to thrash out. That +morning I had been trying to work out an equation to give the +coefficient of discharge for the matter in combustion. You may call it +gas, if you wish, for we treated it like gas at the center for +convenience--as it came from the rocket tubes in our engine. + +Without this coefficient to give us control, we would have lacked a +workable equation when we set about putting the first moon rocket around +those extraordinary engines of ours, which were still in the undeveloped +blueprint stage. + +I see I shall have to explain this, although I had hoped to get right +along with my story. When you start from scratch, matter discharged +from any orifice has a velocity directly proportional to the square root +of the pressure-head driving it. But when you actually put things +together, contractions or expansions in the gas, surface roughness and +other factors make the velocity a bit smaller. + +At the terrible discharge speed of nuclear explosion--which is what the +drive amounts to despite the fact that it is simply water in which +nuclear salts have been previously dissolved--this small factor makes +quite a difference. I had to figure everything into it--diameter of the +nozzle, sharpness of the edge, the velocity of approach to the point of +discharge, atomic weight and structure-- Oh, there is so much of this +that if you're not a nuclear engineer yourself it's certain to weary +you. + +Perhaps you had better take my word for it that without this +equation--correctly stated, mind you--mankind would be well advised not +to make a first trip to the moon. And all this talk of coefficients and +equations sits strangely, you might say, upon the tongue of a man named +Kevin Francis Houlihan. But I am, after all, a scientist. If I had not +been a specialist in my field I would hardly have found myself engaged +in vital research at the center. + +Anyway, I heard these little noises in the park. They sounded like small +working sounds, blending in eerily mysterious fashion with a chorus of +small voices. I thought at first it might be children at play, but then +at the time I was a bit absent-minded. I tiptoed to the edge of the +trees, not wanting to deprive any small scalawags of their pleasure, and +peered out between the branches. And what do you suppose I saw? Not +children, but a group of little people, hard at work. + +There was a leader, an older one with a crank face. He was beating the +air with his arms and piping: "Over here, now! All right, bring those +electrical connections over here--and see you're not slow as treacle +about it!" + +There were perhaps fifty of the little people. I was more than startled +by it, too. I had not seen little people in--oh, close to thirty years. +I had seen them first as a boy of eight, and then, very briefly again, +on my tenth birthday. And I had become convinced they could _never_ be +seen here in America. I had never seen them so busy, either. They were +building something in the middle of the glade. It was long and shiny and +upright and a little over five feet in height. + +"Come along now, people!" said this crotchety one, looking straight at +me. "Stop starin' and get to work! You'll not be needin' to mind that +man standin' there! You know he can't see nor hear us!" + +Oh, it was good to hear the rich old tongue again. I smiled, and the +foreman of the leprechauns--if that's what he was--saw me smile and +became stiff and alert for a moment, as though suspecting that perhaps +I actually could see him. Then he shrugged and turned away, clearly +deeming such a thing impossible. + +I said, "Just a minute, friend, and I'll beg your pardon. It so happens +I _can_ see you." + +He whirled to face me again, staring open-mouthed. Then he said, "What? +What's that, now?" + +"I can see you," I said. + +"Ohhh!" he said and put his palms to his cheekbones. "Saints be with us! +He's a believer! Run everybody--run for your lives!" + +And they all began running, in as many directions as there were little +souls. They began to scurry behind the trees and bushes, and a sloping +embankment nearby. + +"No, wait!" I said. "Don't go away! I'll not be hurting you!" + +They continued to scurry. + +I knew what it was they feared. "I don't intend catching one of you!" I +said. "Come back, you daft little creatures!" + +But the glade was silent, and they had all disappeared. They thought I +wanted their crock of gold, of course. I'd be entitled to it if I could +catch one and keep him. Or so the legends affirmed, though I've wondered +often about the truth of them. But I was after no gold. I only wanted to +hear the music of an Irish tongue. I was lonely here in America, even if +I had latched on to a fine job of work for almost shamefully generous +pay. You see, in a place as full of science as the nuclear propulsion +center there is not much time for the old things. I very much wanted to +talk to the little people. + +I walked over to the center of the glade where the curious shiny object +was standing. It was as smooth as glass and shaped like a huge cigar. +There were a pair of triangular fins down at the bottom, and stubby +wings amidships. Of course it was a spaceship, or a miniature replica of +one. I looked at it more closely. Everything seemed almost miraculously +complete and workable. + +I shook my head in wonder, then stepped back from the spaceship and +looked about the glade. I knew they were all hiding nearby, watching me +apprehensively. I lifted my head to them. + +"Listen to me now, little people!" I called out. "My name's Houlihan of +the Roscommon Houlihans. I am descended from King Niall himself--or so +at least my father used to say! Come on out now, and pass the time o' +day!" + +Then I waited, but they didn't answer. The little people always had been +shy. Yet without reaching a decision in so many words I knew suddenly +that I _had_ to talk to them. I'd come to the glen to work out a knotty +problem, and I was up against a blank wall. Simply because I was so +lonely that my mind had become clogged. + +I knew that if I could just once hear the old tongue again, and talk +about the old things, I might be able to think the problem through to a +satisfactory conclusion. + +So I stepped back to the tiny spaceship, and this time I struck it a +resounding blow with my fist. "Hear me now, little people! If you don't +show yourselves and come out and talk to me, I'll wreck this spaceship +from stem to stern!" + + * * * * * + +I heard only the leaves rustling softly. + +"Do you understand? I'll give you until I count three to make an +appearance! One!" + +The glade remained deathly silent. + +"Two!" + +I thought I heard a stirring somewhere, as if a small, brittle twig had +snapped in the underbrush. + +"_Three!_" + +And with that the little people suddenly appeared. + +The leader--he seemed more wizened and bent than before--approached me +slowly and warily as I stood there. The others all followed at a safe +distance. I smiled to reassure them and then waved my arm in a friendly +gesture of greeting. + +"Good morning," I said. + +"Good morning," the foreman said with some caution. "My name is Keech." + +"And mine's Houlihan, as I've told you. Are you convinced now that I +have no intention of doing you any injury?" + +"Mr. Houlihan," said Keech, drawing a kind of peppered dignity up about +himself, "in such matters I am never fully convinced. After living for +many centuries I am all too acutely aware of the perversity of human +nature." + +"Yes," I said. "Well, as you will quickly see, all I want to do is +talk." I nodded as I spoke, and sat down cross-legged upon the grass. + +"Any Irishman wants to talk, Mr. Houlihan." + +"And often that's _all_ he wants," I said. "Sit down with me now, and +stop staring as if I were a snake returned to the Island." + +He shook his head and remained standing. "Have your say, Mr. Houlihan. +And afterward we'll appreciate it if you'll go away and leave us to our +work." + +"Well, now, your work," I said, and glanced at the spaceship. "That's +exactly what's got me curious." + +The others had edged in a bit now and were standing in a circle, +intently staring at me. I took out my pipe. "Why," I asked, "would a +group of little people be building a spaceship here in America--out in +this lonely place?" + +Keech stared back without much expression, and said, "I've been +wondering how you guessed it was a spaceship. I was surprised enough +when you told me you could see us but not overwhelmingly so. I've run +into believers before who could see the little people. It happens every +so often, though not as frequently as it did a century ago. But knowing +a spaceship at first glance! Well, I must confess that _does_ astonish +me." + +"And why wouldn't I know a spaceship when I see one?" I said. "It just +so happens I'm a doctor of science." + +"A doctor of science, now," said Keech. + +"Invited by the American government to work on the first moon rocket +here at the nuclear propulsion center. Since it's no secret I can advise +you of it." + +"A scientist, is it," said Keech. "Well, now, that's very interesting." + +"I'll make no apologies for it," I said. + +"Oh, there's no need for apology," said Keech. "Though in truth we +prefer poets to scientists. But it has just now crossed my mind, Mr. +Houlihan that you, being a scientist, might be of help to us." + +"How?" I asked. + +"Well, I might try starting at the beginning," he replied. + +"You might," I said. "A man usually does." + +Keech took out his own pipe--a clay dudeen--and looked hopeful. I gave +him a pinch of tobacco from my pouch. "Well, now," he said, "first of +all you're no doubt surprised to find us here in America." + +"I am surprised from time to time to find myself here," I said. "But +continue." + +"We had to come here," said Keech, "to learn how to make a spaceship." + +"A spaceship, now," I said, unconsciously adopting some of the old +manner. + +"Leprechauns are not really mechanically inclined," said Keech. "Their +major passions are music and laughter and mischief, as anyone knows." + +"Myself included," I agreed. "Then why do you need a spaceship?" + +"Well, if I may use an old expression, we've had a feelin' lately that +we're not long for this world. Or let me put it this way. We feel the +world isn't long for itself." + +I scratched my cheek. "How would a man unravel a statement such as +that?" + +"It's very simple. With all the super weapons you mortals have +developed, there's the distinct possibility you might be blowin' us all +up in the process of destroying yourselves." + +"There _is_ that possibility," I said. + +"Well, then, as I say," said Keech, "the little people have decided to +leave the planet in a spaceship. Which we're buildin' here and now. +We've spied upon you and learned how to do it. Well--almost how to do +it. We haven't learned yet how to control the power--" + +"Hold on, now," I said. "Leaving the planet, you say. And where would +you be going?" + +"There's another committee working on that. 'Tis not our concern. I was +inclined to suggest the constellation Orion, which sounds as though it +has a good Irish name, but I was hooted down. Be that as it may, my own +job was to go into your nuclear center, learn how to make the ship, and +proceed with its construction. Naturally, we didn't understand all of +your high-flyin' science, but some of our people are pretty clever at +gettin' up replicas of things." + +"You mean you've been spying on us at the center all this time? Do you +know, we often had the feeling we were being watched, but we thought it +was by the Russians. There's one thing which puzzles me, though. If +you've been constantly around us--and I'm still able to see the little +people--why did I never see you before?" + +"It may be we never crossed your path. It may be you can only see us +when you're thinkin' of us, and of course truly believin' in us. I don't +know--'tis a thing of the mind, and not important at the moment. What's +important is for us to get our first ship to workin' properly and then +we'll be on our way." + +"You're determined to go." + +"Truly we are, Mr. Houlihan. Now--to business. Just during these last +few minutes a certain matter has crossed my mind. That's why I'm wastin' +all this time with you, sir. You say you are a scientist." + +"A nuclear engineer." + +"Well, then, it may be that you can help us--now that you know we're +here." + +"Help you?" + +"The power control, Mr. Houlihan. As I understand it, 'tis necessary to +know at any instant exactly how much thrust is bein' delivered through +the little holes in back. And on paper it looks simple enough--the +square of somethin' or other. I've got the figures jotted in a book when +I need 'em. But when you get to doin' it it doesn't come out exactly as +it does on paper." + +"You're referring to the necessity for a coefficient of discharge." + +"Whatever it might be named," said Keech, shrugging. "'Tis the one thing +we lack. I suppose eventually you people will be gettin' around to it. +But meanwhile we need it right now, if we're to make our ship move." + +"And you want me to help you with this?" + +"That is exactly what crossed my mind." + +I nodded and looked grave and kneaded my chin for a moment softly. +"Well, now, Keech," I said finally, "why should I help you?" + +"Ha!" said Keech, grinning, but not with humor, "the avarice of humans! +I knew it! Well, Mr. Houlihan, I'll give you reason enough. The pot o' +gold, Mr. Houlihan!" + +"The one at the end of the rainbow?" + +"It's not at the end of the rainbow. That's a grandmother's tale. Nor is +it actually in an earthen crock. But there's gold, all right, enough to +make you rich for the rest of your life. And I'll make you a +proposition." + +"Go ahead." + +"We'll not be needin' gold where we're goin'. It's yours if you show us +how to make our ship work." + +"Well, now, that's quite an offer," I said. Keech had the goodness to +be quiet while I sat and thought for a while. My pipe had gone out and I +lit it again. I finally said, "Let's have a look at your ship's drive +and see what we can see." + +"You accept the proposition then?" + +"Let's have a look," I said, and that was all. + +Well, we had a look, and then several looks, and before the morning was +out we had half the spaceship apart, and were deep in argument about the +whole project. + +It was a most fascinating session. I had often wished for a true working +model at the center, but no allowance had been inserted in the budget +for it. Keech brought me paper and pencil and I talked with the aid of +diagrams, as engineers are wont to do. Although the pencils were small +and I had to hold them between thumb and forefinger, as you would a +needle, I was able to make many sensible observations and even a few +innovations. + +I came back again the next day--and every day for the following two +weeks. It rained several times, but Keech and his people made a canopy +of boughs and leaves and I was comfortable enough. Every once in a while +someone from the town or the center itself would pass by, and stop to +watch me. But of course they wouldn't see the leprechauns or anything +the leprechauns had made, not being believers. + +I would halt work, pass the time of day, and then, in subtle fashion, +send the intruder on his way. Keech and the little people just stood by +and grinned all the while. + +At the end of sixteen days I had the entire problem all but whipped. It +is not difficult to understand why. The working model and the fact that +the small people with their quick eyes and clever fingers could spot all +sorts of minute shortcomings was a great help. And I was hearing the old +tongue and talking of the old things every day, and truly that went far +to take the clutter out of my mind. I was no longer so lonely that I +couldn't think properly. + +On the sixteenth day I covered a piece of paper with tiny mathematical +symbols and handed it to Keech. "Here is your equation," I said. "It +will enable you to know your thrust at any given moment, under any +circumstances, in or out of gravity, and under all conditions of +friction and combustion." + +"Thank you, Mr. Houlihan," said Keech. All his people had gathered in a +loose circle, as though attending a rite. They were all looking at me +quietly. + +"Mr. Houlihan," said Keech, "you will not be forgotten by the +leprechauns. If we ever meet again, upon another world perchance, you'll +find our friendship always eager and ready." + +"Thank you," I said. + +"And now, Mr. Houlihan," said Keech, "I'll see that a quantity of gold +is delivered to your rooms tonight, and so keep my part of the +bargain." + +"I'll not be needing the gold," I said. + +Keech's eyebrows popped upward. "What's this now?" + +"I'll not be needing it," I repeated. "I don't feel it would be right to +take it for a service of this sort." + +"Well," said Keech in surprise, and in some awe, too, "well, now, musha +Lord help us! 'Tis the first time I ever heard such a speech from a +mortal." He turned to his people. "We'll have three cheers now, do you +hear, for Mr. Houlihan--friend of the little people as long as he shall +live!" + +And they cheered. And little tears crept into the corners of some of +their turned-up eyes. + +We shook hands, all of us, and I left. + + * * * * * + +I walked through the park, and back to the nuclear propulsion center. It +was another cool, green morning with the leaves making only soft noises +as the breezes came along. It smelled exactly like a wood I had known in +Roscommon. + +And I lit my pipe and smoked it slowly and chuckled to myself at how I +had gotten the best of the little people. Surely it was not every mortal +who could accomplish that. I had given them the wrong equation, of +course. They would never get their spaceship to work now, and later, if +they tried to spy out the right information I would take special +measures to prevent it, for I had the advantage of being able to see +them. + +As for our own rocket ship, it should be well on its way by next St. +Patrick's Day. For I had indeed determined the true coefficient of +discharge, which I never could have done so quickly without those +sessions in the glade with Keech and his working model. + +It would go down in scientific literature now, I suppose, as Houlihan's +Equation, and that was honor and glory enough for me. I could do without +Keech's pot of gold, though it would have been pleasant to be truly rich +for a change. + +There was no sense in cheating him out of the gold to boot, for +leprechauns are most clever in matters of this sort and he would have +had it back soon enough--or else made it a burden in some way. + +Indeed, I had done a piece of work greatly to my advantage, and also to +the advantage of humankind, and when a man can do the first and include +the second as a fortunate byproduct it is a most happy accident. + +For if I had shown the little people how to make a spaceship they would +have left our world. And this world, as long as it lasts--what would it +be in that event? I ask you now, wouldn't we be even _more_ likely to +blow ourselves to Kingdom Come without the little people here for us to +believe in every now and then? + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Fantastic Universe_ September 1955. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Houlihan's Equation, by Walt Sheldon + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOULIHAN'S EQUATION *** + +***** This file should be named 29168.txt or 29168.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/1/6/29168/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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