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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Houlihan's Equation + +Author: Walt Sheldon + +Release Date: June 19, 2009 [EBook #29168] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOULIHAN'S EQUATION *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="bk1"><p><i><small>Every writer must seek his own Flowery Kingdom in imagination's wide +demesne, and if that search can begin and end on Earth his problem has +been greatly simplified. In post-war Japan Walt Sheldon has found not only +serenity, but complete freedom to write undisturbed about the things he +treasures most. A one-time Air Force officer, he has turned to fantasy in +his lighter moments, to bring us such brightly sparkling little gems as this.</small></i></p></div> + +<div class="bk2"><h1><b>houlihan's<br /> +equation</b></h1> + +<h2><small><i>by ... Walt Sheldon</i></small></h2> + +<p class="pr1"><b><big>The tiny spaceship had been built for a journey to a star. But its +small, mischievous pilots had a rendezvous with destiny—on Earth.</big></b></p></div> + +<p class="cap"><span class="smcap">I must</span> admit that at first I +wasn't sure I was hearing those +noises. It was in a park near the +nuclear propulsion center—a cool, +green spot, with the leaves all telling +each other to hush, be quiet, +and the soft breeze stirring them up +again. I had known precisely such +a secluded little green sanctuary just +over the hill from Mr. Riordan's +farm when I was a boy.</p> + +<p>Now it was a place I came to +when I had a problem to thrash out. +That morning I had been trying to +work out an equation to give the +coefficient of discharge for the matter +in combustion. You may call it +gas, if you wish, for we treated it +like gas at the center for convenience—as +it came from the rocket +tubes in our engine.</p> + +<p>Without this coefficient to give +us control, we would have lacked a +workable equation when we set +about putting the first moon rocket +around those extraordinary engines +of ours, which were still in the undeveloped +blueprint stage.</p> + +<p>I see I shall have to explain this, +although I had hoped to get right +along with my story. When you +start from scratch, matter discharged +from any orifice has a velocity directly +proportional to the square +root of the pressure-head driving it. +But when you actually put things +together, contractions or expansions +in the gas, surface roughness +and other factors make the velocity +a bit smaller.</p> + +<p>At the terrible discharge speed +of nuclear explosion—which is +what the drive amounts to despite +the fact that it is simply water in +which nuclear salts have been previously +dissolved—this small factor +makes quite a difference. I had +to figure everything into it—diameter +of the nozzle, sharpness of the +edge, the velocity of approach to the +point of discharge, atomic weight +and structure— Oh, there is so +much of this that if you're not a +nuclear engineer yourself it's certain +to weary you.</p> + +<p>Perhaps you had better take my +word for it that without this equation—correctly +stated, mind you—mankind +would be well advised not +to make a first trip to the moon. +And all this talk of coefficients and +equations sits strangely, you might +say, upon the tongue of a man +named Kevin Francis Houlihan. +But I am, after all, a scientist. If I +had not been a specialist in my field +I would hardly have found myself +engaged in vital research at the +center.</p> + +<p>Anyway, I heard these little +noises in the park. They sounded +like small working sounds, blending +in eerily mysterious fashion with a +chorus of small voices. I thought at +first it might be children at play, +but then at the time I was a bit +absent-minded. I tiptoed to the edge +of the trees, not wanting to deprive +any small scalawags of their pleasure, +and peered out between the +branches. And what do you suppose +I saw? Not children, but a +group of little people, hard at work.</p> + +<p>There was a leader, an older one +with a crank face. He was beating +the air with his arms and piping: +"Over here, now! All right, bring +those electrical connections over +here—and see you're not slow as +treacle about it!"</p> + +<p>There were perhaps fifty of the +little people. I was more than startled +by it, too. I had not seen little +people in—oh, close to thirty years. +I had seen them first as a boy of +eight, and then, very briefly again, +on my tenth birthday. And I had +become convinced they could <i>never</i> +be seen here in America. I had +never seen them so busy, either. +They were building something in +the middle of the glade. It was long +and shiny and upright and a little +over five feet in height.</p> + +<p>"Come along now, people!" said +this crotchety one, looking straight +at me. "Stop starin' and get to +work! You'll not be needin' to +mind that man standin' there! You +know he can't see nor hear us!"</p> + +<p>Oh, it was good to hear the rich +old tongue again. I smiled, and the +foreman of the leprechauns—if +that's what he was—saw me smile +and became stiff and alert for a moment, +as though suspecting that perhaps +I actually could see him. Then +he shrugged and turned away, clearly +deeming such a thing impossible.</p> + +<p>I said, "Just a minute, friend, +and I'll beg your pardon. It so happens +I <i>can</i> see you."</p> + +<p>He whirled to face me again, +staring open-mouthed. Then he +said, "What? What's that, now?"</p> + +<p>"I can see you," I said.</p> + +<p>"Ohhh!" he said and put his +palms to his cheekbones. "Saints be +with us! He's a believer! Run everybody—run +for your lives!"</p> + +<p>And they all began running, in +as many directions as there were +little souls. They began to scurry +behind the trees and bushes, and a +sloping embankment nearby.</p> + +<p>"No, wait!" I said. "Don't go +away! I'll not be hurting you!"</p> + +<p>They continued to scurry.</p> + +<p>I knew what it was they feared. +"I don't intend catching one of +you!" I said. "Come back, you daft +little creatures!"</p> + +<p>But the glade was silent, and they +had all disappeared. They thought I +wanted their crock of gold, of +course. I'd be entitled to it if I could +catch one and keep him. Or so the +legends affirmed, though I've wondered +often about the truth of them. +But I was after no gold. I only wanted +to hear the music of an Irish +tongue. I was lonely here in America, +even if I had latched on to a fine +job of work for almost shamefully +generous pay. You see, in a place as +full of science as the nuclear propulsion +center there is not much +time for the old things. I very much +wanted to talk to the little people.</p> + +<p>I walked over to the center of +the glade where the curious shiny +object was standing. It was as +smooth as glass and shaped like a +huge cigar. There were a pair of +triangular fins down at the bottom, +and stubby wings amidships. Of +course it was a spaceship, or a +miniature replica of one. I looked +at it more closely. Everything seemed +almost miraculously complete +and workable.</p> + +<p>I shook my head in wonder, then +stepped back from the spaceship +and looked about the glade. I knew +they were all hiding nearby, watching +me apprehensively. I lifted my +head to them.</p> + +<p>"Listen to me now, little people!" +I called out. "My name's +Houlihan of the Roscommon Houlihans. +I am descended from King +Niall himself—or so at least my +father used to say! Come on out +now, and pass the time o' day!"</p> + +<p>Then I waited, but they didn't +answer. The little people always +had been shy. Yet without reaching +a decision in so many words I knew +suddenly that I <i>had</i> to talk to them. +I'd come to the glen to work out a +knotty problem, and I was up +against a blank wall. Simply because +I was so lonely that my mind had +become clogged.</p> + +<p>I knew that if I could just once +hear the old tongue again, and talk +about the old things, I might be able +to think the problem through to a +satisfactory conclusion.</p> + +<p>So I stepped back to the tiny +spaceship, and this time I struck it +a resounding blow with my fist. +"Hear me now, little people! If you +don't show yourselves and come out +and talk to me, I'll wreck this spaceship +from stem to stern!"</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>I heard only the leaves rustling +softly.</p> + +<p>"Do you understand? I'll give +you until I count three to make an +appearance! One!"</p> + +<p>The glade remained deathly silent.</p> + +<p>"Two!"</p> + +<p>I thought I heard a stirring somewhere, +as if a small, brittle twig had +snapped in the underbrush.</p> + +<p>"<i>Three!</i>"</p> + +<p>And with that the little people +suddenly appeared.</p> + +<p>The leader—he seemed more +wizened and bent than before—approached +me slowly and warily as I +stood there. The others all followed +at a safe distance. I smiled to reassure +them and then waved my arm +in a friendly gesture of greeting.</p> + +<p>"Good morning," I said.</p> + +<p>"Good morning," the foreman +said with some caution. "My name +is Keech."</p> + +<p>"And mine's Houlihan, as I've +told you. Are you convinced now +that I have no intention of doing +you any injury?"</p> + +<p>"Mr. Houlihan," said Keech, +drawing a kind of peppered dignity +up about himself, "in such matters +I am never fully convinced. After +living for many centuries I am all +too acutely aware of the perversity +of human nature."</p> + +<p>"Yes," I said. "Well, as you will +quickly see, all I want to do is +talk." I nodded as I spoke, and sat +down cross-legged upon the grass.</p> + +<p>"Any Irishman wants to talk, Mr. +Houlihan."</p> + +<p>"And often that's <i>all</i> he wants," +I said. "Sit down with me now, and +stop staring as if I were a snake +returned to the Island."</p> + +<p>He shook his head and remained +standing. "Have your say, Mr. +Houlihan. And afterward we'll appreciate +it if you'll go away and +leave us to our work."</p> + +<p>"Well, now, your work," I said, +and glanced at the spaceship. +"That's exactly what's got me curious."</p> + +<p>The others had edged in a bit +now and were standing in a circle, +intently staring at me. I took out my +pipe. "Why," I asked, "would a +group of little people be building a +spaceship here in America—out in +this lonely place?"</p> + +<p>Keech stared back without much +expression, and said, "I've been +wondering how you guessed it was +a spaceship. I was surprised enough +when you told me you could see us +but not overwhelmingly so. I've run +into believers before who could see +the little people. It happens every +so often, though not as frequently +as it did a century ago. But knowing +a spaceship at first glance! Well, I +must confess that <i>does</i> astonish +me."</p> + +<p>"And why wouldn't I know a +spaceship when I see one?" I said. +"It just so happens I'm a doctor of +science."</p> + +<p>"A doctor of science, now," said +Keech.</p> + +<p>"Invited by the American government +to work on the first moon +rocket here at the nuclear propulsion +center. Since it's no secret I +can advise you of it."</p> + +<p>"A scientist, is it," said Keech. +"Well, now, that's very interesting."</p> + +<p>"I'll make no apologies for it," I +said.</p> + +<p>"Oh, there's no need for apology," +said Keech. "Though in truth +we prefer poets to scientists. But it +has just now crossed my mind, Mr. +Houlihan that you, being a scientist, +might be of help to us."</p> + +<p>"How?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, I might try starting at the +beginning," he replied.</p> + +<p>"You might," I said. "A man +usually does."</p> + +<p>Keech took out his own pipe—a +clay dudeen—and looked hopeful. +I gave him a pinch of tobacco from +my pouch. "Well, now," he said, +"first of all you're no doubt surprised +to find us here in America."</p> + +<p>"I am surprised from time to +time to find myself here," I said. +"But continue."</p> + +<p>"We had to come here," said +Keech, "to learn how to make a +spaceship."</p> + +<p>"A spaceship, now," I said, unconsciously +adopting some of the +old manner.</p> + +<p>"Leprechauns are not really mechanically +inclined," said Keech. +"Their major passions are music +and laughter and mischief, as anyone +knows."</p> + +<p>"Myself included," I agreed. +"Then why do you need a spaceship?"</p> + +<p>"Well, if I may use an old expression, +we've had a feelin' lately +that we're not long for this world. +Or let me put it this way. We feel +the world isn't long for itself."</p> + +<p>I scratched my cheek. "How +would a man unravel a statement +such as that?"</p> + +<p>"It's very simple. With all the +super weapons you mortals have +developed, there's the distinct possibility +you might be blowin' us all +up in the process of destroying +yourselves."</p> + +<p>"There <i>is</i> that possibility," I said.</p> + +<p>"Well, then, as I say," said +Keech, "the little people have decided +to leave the planet in a spaceship. +Which we're buildin' here and +now. We've spied upon you and +learned how to do it. Well—almost +how to do it. We haven't learned +yet how to control the power—"</p> + +<p>"Hold on, now," I said. "Leaving +the planet, you say. And where +would you be going?"</p> + +<p>"There's another committee +working on that. 'Tis not our concern. +I was inclined to suggest the +constellation Orion, which sounds +as though it has a good Irish name, +but I was hooted down. Be that as it +may, my own job was to go into +your nuclear center, learn how to +make the ship, and proceed with its +construction. Naturally, we didn't +understand all of your high-flyin' +science, but some of our people are +pretty clever at gettin' up replicas +of things."</p> + +<p>"You mean you've been spying +on us at the center all this time? Do +you know, we often had the feeling +we were being watched, but we +thought it was by the Russians. +There's one thing which puzzles +me, though. If you've been constantly +around us—and I'm still +able to see the little people—why +did I never see you before?"</p> + +<p>"It may be we never crossed your +path. It may be you can only see us +when you're thinkin' of us, and of +course truly believin' in us. I don't +know—'tis a thing of the mind, and +not important at the moment. +What's important is for us to get +our first ship to workin' properly +and then we'll be on our way."</p> + +<p>"You're determined to go."</p> + +<p>"Truly we are, Mr. Houlihan. +Now—to business. Just during +these last few minutes a certain matter +has crossed my mind. That's +why I'm wastin' all this time with +you, sir. You say you are a scientist."</p> + +<p>"A nuclear engineer."</p> + +<p>"Well, then, it may be that you +can help us—now that you know +we're here."</p> + +<p>"Help you?"</p> + +<p>"The power control, Mr. Houlihan. +As I understand it, 'tis necessary +to know at any instant exactly +how much thrust is bein' delivered +through the little holes in back. +And on paper it looks simple +enough—the square of somethin' or +other. I've got the figures jotted in +a book when I need 'em. But when +you get to doin' it it doesn't come +out exactly as it does on paper."</p> + +<p>"You're referring to the necessity +for a coefficient of discharge."</p> + +<p>"Whatever it might be named," +said Keech, shrugging. "'Tis the +one thing we lack. I suppose eventually +you people will be gettin' +around to it. But meanwhile we +need it right now, if we're to make +our ship move."</p> + +<p>"And you want me to help you +with this?"</p> + +<p>"That is exactly what crossed my +mind."</p> + +<p>I nodded and looked grave and +kneaded my chin for a moment softly. +"Well, now, Keech," I said +finally, "why should I help you?"</p> + +<p>"Ha!" said Keech, grinning, but +not with humor, "the avarice of +humans! I knew it! Well, Mr. Houlihan, +I'll give you reason enough. +The pot o' gold, Mr. Houlihan!"</p> + +<p>"The one at the end of the rainbow?"</p> + +<p>"It's not at the end of the rainbow. +That's a grandmother's tale. +Nor is it actually in an earthen +crock. But there's gold, all right, +enough to make you rich for the +rest of your life. And I'll make you +a proposition."</p> + +<p>"Go ahead."</p> + +<p>"We'll not be needin' gold where +we're goin'. It's yours if you show +us how to make our ship work."</p> + +<p>"Well, now, that's quite an +offer," I said. Keech had the goodness +to be quiet while I sat and +thought for a while. My pipe had +gone out and I lit it again. I finally +said, "Let's have a look at your +ship's drive and see what we can +see."</p> + +<p>"You accept the proposition +then?"</p> + +<p>"Let's have a look," I said, and +that was all.</p> + +<p>Well, we had a look, and then +several looks, and before the morning +was out we had half the spaceship +apart, and were deep in argument +about the whole project.</p> + +<p>It was a most fascinating session. +I had often wished for a true working +model at the center, but no allowance +had been inserted in the +budget for it. Keech brought me +paper and pencil and I talked with +the aid of diagrams, as engineers +are wont to do. Although the pencils +were small and I had to hold +them between thumb and forefinger, +as you would a needle, I was +able to make many sensible observations +and even a few innovations.</p> + +<p>I came back again the next day—and +every day for the following +two weeks. It rained several times, +but Keech and his people made a +canopy of boughs and leaves and I +was comfortable enough. Every once +in a while someone from the town +or the center itself would pass by, +and stop to watch me. But of course +they wouldn't see the leprechauns +or anything the leprechauns had +made, not being believers.</p> + +<p>I would halt work, pass the time +of day, and then, in subtle fashion, +send the intruder on his way. Keech +and the little people just stood by +and grinned all the while.</p> + +<p>At the end of sixteen days I had +the entire problem all but whipped. +It is not difficult to understand why. +The working model and the fact +that the small people with their +quick eyes and clever fingers could +spot all sorts of minute shortcomings +was a great help. And I was +hearing the old tongue and talking +of the old things every day, and +truly that went far to take the clutter +out of my mind. I was no longer +so lonely that I couldn't think properly.</p> + +<p>On the sixteenth day I covered a +piece of paper with tiny mathematical +symbols and handed it to Keech. +"Here is your equation," I said. "It +will enable you to know your thrust +at any given moment, under any +circumstances, in or out of gravity, +and under all conditions of friction +and combustion."</p> + +<p>"Thank you, Mr. Houlihan," said +Keech. All his people had gathered +in a loose circle, as though attending +a rite. They were all looking at +me quietly.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Houlihan," said Keech, +"you will not be forgotten by the +leprechauns. If we ever meet again, +upon another world perchance, +you'll find our friendship always +eager and ready."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," I said.</p> + +<p>"And now, Mr. Houlihan," said +Keech, "I'll see that a quantity of +gold is delivered to your rooms tonight, +and so keep my part of the +bargain."</p> + +<p>"I'll not be needing the gold," I +said.</p> + +<p>Keech's eyebrows popped upward. +"What's this now?"</p> + +<p>"I'll not be needing it," I repeated. +"I don't feel it would be +right to take it for a service of this +sort."</p> + +<p>"Well," said Keech in surprise, +and in some awe, too, "well, now, +musha Lord help us! 'Tis the first +time I ever heard such a speech +from a mortal." He turned to his +people. "We'll have three cheers +now, do you hear, for Mr. Houlihan—friend +of the little people as +long as he shall live!"</p> + +<p>And they cheered. And little tears +crept into the corners of some of +their turned-up eyes.</p> + +<p>We shook hands, all of us, and I +left.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>I walked through the park, and +back to the nuclear propulsion center. +It was another cool, green morning +with the leaves making only +soft noises as the breezes came +along. It smelled exactly like a +wood I had known in Roscommon.</p> + +<p>And I lit my pipe and smoked it +slowly and chuckled to myself at +how I had gotten the best of the +little people. Surely it was not every +mortal who could accomplish that. I +had given them the wrong equation, +of course. They would never get +their spaceship to work now, and +later, if they tried to spy out the +right information I would take special +measures to prevent it, for I had +the advantage of being able to see +them.</p> + +<p>As for our own rocket ship, it +should be well on its way by next +St. Patrick's Day. For I had indeed +determined the true coefficient of +discharge, which I never could have +done so quickly without those sessions +in the glade with Keech and +his working model.</p> + +<p>It would go down in scientific +literature now, I suppose, as Houlihan's +Equation, and that was honor +and glory enough for me. I could +do without Keech's pot of gold, +though it would have been pleasant +to be truly rich for a change.</p> + +<p>There was no sense in cheating +him out of the gold to boot, for +leprechauns are most clever in matters +of this sort and he would have +had it back soon enough—or else +made it a burden in some way.</p> + +<p>Indeed, I had done a piece of +work greatly to my advantage, and +also to the advantage of humankind, +and when a man can do the first and +include the second as a fortunate byproduct +it is a most happy accident.</p> + +<p>For if I had shown the little people +how to make a spaceship they +would have left our world. And +this world, as long as it lasts—what +would it be in that event? I ask you +now, wouldn't we be even <i>more</i> +likely to blow ourselves to Kingdom +Come without the little people here +for us to believe in every now and +then?</p> + +<div class="trn"><b>Transcriber's Note:</b> +This etext was produced from <i>Fantastic Universe</i> September 1955. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Houlihan's Equation, by Walt Sheldon + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOULIHAN'S EQUATION *** + +***** This file should be named 29168-h.htm or 29168-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/1/6/29168/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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