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diff --git a/29149.txt b/29149.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ed4e536 --- /dev/null +++ b/29149.txt @@ -0,0 +1,780 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Cogito, Ergo Sum + +Author: John Foster West + +Release Date: June 17, 2009 [EBook #29149] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + _Are the Spirit and the Flesh one and the same thing? Or are they + separate entities, dependent and at the same time independent of + each other? Perhaps some great Cosmic Law holds this secret. But the + one Universal Element that we can depend upon, apparently, is The + Lucky Accident._ + + + cogito, + ergo + sum + + _by ... John Foster West_ + + + A warped instant in Space--and + two egos are separated from their + bodies and lost in a lonely abyss. + + +I think, therefore I am. That was the first thought I had. Of course not +in the same symbols, but with the same meaning. + +I awakened, or came alive, or came into existence suddenly, at least my +mental consciousness did. "Here am I," I thought, "but what am I, why am +I, where am I?" + +I had nothing to work with except pure reason. I was _there_ because I +was not somewhere else. I was certain I was _there_ and that was the +extent of my knowledge at the moment. + +I looked about me--no, I _reasoned_ about me. I was surrounded by +nothingness, by black nothingness, a vacuum. Immense distances away I +could detect light; or rather, I could perceive waves of force passing +around me which originated at points vast distances away, vast in +relation to my position in the nothingness. + +There were waves of force all about me, varying in frequency. The +nothingness was alive with waves of force, traveling parallel and +tangential to each other without seeming to interfere one with another. +I measured them, differentiated between them and finished with the task +in a matter of seconds. + +How could I do it? It was one of the capabilities I was _created_ with. + +What was I? I perceived the waves of force. I perceived great quantities +of mass--solid, liquid, gas--whirling in vacuum, mass built up out of +patterns of basic force. I searched my own being, analyzed myself. I was +not gas. I was not solid. I was not even force. Yet I existed. I could +reason. I was a beginning, a sudden beginning. And I had duration +because I knew that time had elapsed since the moment I _awakened_ +though I had no means of telling how much time or of even naming the +period. + + * * * * * + +Could I really be _pure reason_? Can reason exist? Can rational entity +exist without a groundwork of matter, or at least of force? + +It could. It must. I was rational entity and I existed. Yet I could find +nothing of force, nothing to occupy space about my _self_. For all I +could ascertain, I might have covered a one-dimensional point in +eternity or I might have been spread throughout vast distances. + +From this reasoning I concluded that rational entity might occur either +as some force unlike that of all natural phenomena in space, or as some +combination of these forces at the moment beyond my own power to +analyze, even detect. I finished with that for the time being. + +How did I come into being? I discarded the question as unanswerable +temporarily. What was I before that instant I suddenly reasoned _cogito, +ergo sum_? I could not say. + +How did I know I even existed, really? Obviously because I was capable +of rational thought. But what was thinking? First it was perceiving and +accepting my own existence; beyond that, it was recognizing the dark +nothingness around me and the forces it contained. I had to exist. + +But how did I know nothingness was right? And how did I know its +darkness was right? And how did I know the waves of force were _waves_ +and _force_? And how did I know matter was _matter_ and that I was none +of these? + +"Symbols," I reasoned. "I'm thinking in symbols. I could not reason +without symbols; therefore I could not exist as I am without symbols to +think with." + +Yet whose symbols were they? Where and how did I come by them? I could +think back clearly to the instant of my creation, yet I had not invented +the symbols in the interim of my existence, nor had they been given to +me. What then? They were part of me when I came alive in this universe, +had been _invented_ some other time and elsewhere by someone else or by +what I was before I became the entity of reason I now was. + +Then that first flash of perception in nothingness was not spontaneous. +There was something behind it. I was something before that moment, in +another era of time, perhaps a creature of substance. But what? + +I concentrated. I remembered the symbol _Marl_. I was or had been an +entity _Marl_. Were there others back there, somewhere? There must have +been, must be yet. Was I the only _Marl_ who metamorphosed into this +state of rational entity? Surely not. Yet I could contact no other +rationale around me as far away as I could probe. How far was that? How +could I know. Was it far enough to reach the other _Marls_, or were they +scattered thinly throughout infinity around me like the flecks of mass? + +I was suddenly ill. The symbol _malaise_ came to me as the proper +description of my malady. I grew dizzy with my sickness. I wished to +regurgitate, to cast off this cold, frightening sensation. Yet I was +provided with no physical means of doing it. It filled me throughout all +my thinking. It was I. I thought to exist. I thought depression, +sickness. Therefore I was the malady and it was a hell of malcontent +beyond symbolical description. + +What was wrong with me? I was frightened. I was concerned for my +existence here alone. What was it called? The idea shimmered there on +the fringe of perception, then fairly leaped into my consciousness. +Existing alone as pure reason was worse than no-existence, was worse +than dying or never having been at all. I need another _Marl_. To exist +happily, I must have at least one other _Marl_ to communicate with, to +share my thoughts, to share my being. + +Is this a necessity, a condition peculiar to me as I am, as reason, or +is it a condition that came across the barrier with me from that other +state? It must be the latter. An entity of pure reason, having come into +existence as reason, would need nothing but himself. Why? Because he +would be _without emotion_. + +"I am _emotional_," I thought. "I am entity of almost pure reason, but I +have inherited emotion from my previous state. It is a disorder of +thought, but it can be a pleasant disorder when the emotion is the right +one; or, if unpleasant, when satisfied. + +"But I could not have emotions as I am now. They are _cortical +responses_, or are supposed to be. What is _cortical_? No, they are a +sort of illogical reasoning, nothing physical--" The rest eluded me. + +"I am lonely," I thought. "Loneliness stems from fear and fear is a +basic emotion. I am very lonely. I have been lonely for a long time, +bringing it with me here. I would rather sate my loneliness than live to +eternity, than know all there is to know. What can quell my loneliness? +Another like me, another _Marl_--whatever a _Marl_ is. I must have, must +find another _Marl_." + +I began to search. I darted frantically about space like a frightened +thing, though I could perceive no movement. I knew I passed from one +area of space to another because I could measure slight changes in the +position of the stars about me. I knew the points of light were _stars_. + +There was duration. I could not know how much. Eternity? A split second? +But at last I discovered another like me. No, almost like me, but +another _Marl_. The other entity had less of reason, more emotion. It +was frightened and lonely. The _Marl's_ whole existence was that of +sickness--of loneliness, which is fear. The _Marl_ was darting about +madly, seeking, seeking a thing like itself. What was it, like me but +different? + +As I came in, I measured our similarity and differences. Rationally we +were identical, or almost so. Emotionally we were different, vastly +different. "_Marls_ appear to exist as rationale and emotion," I +reasoned. "Beyond that I cannot go." + +The other _Marl_ perceived me, darted frantically toward me, then +slowed. We came together, touched like--_like two cautious fish meeting +in a dark pool and touching mouths to substantiate identical species_. + +The other _Marl_ was satisfied with my identity. It leaped frantically +at me, raced around me, through me, finally stopped, pervading me, while +_vibrating_ in sheer relief and happiness. I felt the great +fear-loneliness in the other _Marl_ begin to recede and in its place +came an almost overpowering euphoria. It was _contentment_, and it +stemmed from the basic emotion _love_. I knew this at once. + +I suddenly realized that I too was relieved, that I was no longer sick +with fear-loneliness. It was good, this existing of the other within me +or simultaneously with me. Or was it I within the other? It sated our +fear emotion and made, created a love-euphoria. + +"I am happy I found you," I communicated. "I was lonely for another +_Marl_. You are a _Marl_?" + +The other hesitated, thinking. "No. I am _Pat_. I am different from you. +But it is chiefly emotional. It is good." + +"You are a _Pat_," I returned in disappointment. "I had hoped to find +another _Marl_." + +"Don't be disappointed," the _Pat_ soothed. "We are alike, really. +Almost so. Like--like flame and gas are both substance yet different. We +are two types of the same thing. I am no longer frightened. I am no +longer lonely. You are good for me." + +I was relieved because I wanted to be. I believed the other _Marl_--no, +the _Pat_--because I wanted to believe. I did not bother to +rationalize. I felt elation. + +"Then in that other time, that other place we both belonged to a--a +common group, with another name?" I suggested. + +"I believe so," the _Pat_ answered. + +"How was it when you came awake?" I asked. "Can you remember?" + +"I think so. I recall I was born here in fright because it was all +wrong. I was not in my natural state, so it was not right." The _Pat_ +paused to think. "I remember there was great speed and I was born in +fright. Were you?" + +"No," I answered. "I was not frightened at first. And I was never +frightened to the degree you were. I was mostly lonely, which is related +to fear. But when I first conceived of my existence here I was coolly +logical. I awakened _reasoning_--realizing that I existed." + +"I suppose it has to do with our emotional differences," the _Pat_ +beside me or with me or within me communicated. + +"Do you recall where in space you came from?" I asked. "I must have been +doubting my existence at first so intensely I did not observe. You seem +to have taken your own being for granted, thus you were, perhaps, more +observant." + +"I--I think so." The _Pat_ hesitated and I knew it was observing the +stars around us. "Yes. Come with me. I think I know where." + +I stayed with the _Pat_, a part of it, and we lurched through space. +Rather, we ceased to exist at one point in space and existed in another. +How far? Distances meant nothing. + +"It was here," the _Pat_ informed me finally. + + * * * * * + +Something was wrong here. The interweaving waves of force were all +wrong. There was a disorder, a great cancer in space. The waves +interfered with the progress of each other all along a great barrier. It +was not natural, not like it was elsewhere. + +"Something is wrong with the waves of force crossing this area. They +interfere with each other. New forces are created. Do you detect it?" I +communicated. + +"I feel it," the _Pat_ answered. "It is a sickness in space like--like +our loneliness." + +I knew the comparison was ridiculous but I let it pass. "You said you +came alive at great speed. I could have been traveling too. We must have +plunged into this barrier. It seems to me that emotions must originate +in a _physical_ being; perhaps reason could be free, but not emotion. I +don't know. But I have a theory. I believe our _physical_ selves still +exist somewhere in space. The barrier, perhaps, interfered with the +normal functioning of our mental equipment. We exist at one point in +space and we are thinking, experiencing emotions at another point. It's +as if our minds are--are broadcasting our thoughts and emotions far away +from our physical selves. Either that, or our rationales were torn free +and only our emotions are broadcast. Does that sound logical?" + +"Yes," the _Pat_ agreed, "I believe that is the answer." + +I felt that the _Pat_ was pleased with my theory, that it greatly +admired my reasoning. I also perceived that it had no idea what I meant +by the explanation. I did not mind. + +"You said you were moving at great speed," I continued. "Can you +remember the line, the direction you were traveling in?" + +The _Pat_ hesitated only a moment. "Yes. You perceive the star cluster +there, the triangular one? My heading was in that direction, but it was +changing fast." + +"Then we could find nothing by traveling toward the triangular cluster?" + +"No. I was moving in an arc in the direction of the distorted square +cluster there. Do you see it?" + +"Yes," I answered, knowing her use of the word _see_ was unconscious. +"That is Cetus." + +"Cetus?" The _Pat_ was startled. "How do you know that?" + +"I don't know. The name came to me. It seemed right to call it that." + +"It--it's all so frightening!" + +I had no time for pampering our emotions, though I was at great peace +with the _Pat_ so near me. Time might prove vital. "Neither would it do +any good to travel in the direction of Cetus," I said. + +"No. No," the _Pat_ communicated. "If there is any object of matter or +force I was a part of in that other existence traveling through space, +it is in an arc. The best we can do is take an arbitrary direction +between the triangular cluster and the one called Cetus and hope to +intercept the object, the other part of me, whatever it is." + +"Come with me," I ordered. + +I discovered the object of mass hurtling through space before the _Pat_ +did. It was symmetrical and metallic. I tore myself away from my +companion and darted to meet it. I discovered it was a shell, a hollow +thing, and I passed inside. There was a room there. There were +projections and circles of transparent matter. I experienced the symbol +_dials_. + +There were two other creatures seated close to the dials, things of +matter, and their substance was protoplasm. But there was no rationale +present in either of them. I examined the living matter of the smaller +one swiftly. Organs seemed poised in a suspended state. The creature I +observed, housed in a protective shell, seemed paralyzed or dead. I +remembered the word _dead_. + +Then the _Pat_ was with me again. "I--I feel something, _Marl_. I am +frightened. What are they, those things there?" + +"They seem to be--" I stopped communicating. + +The _Pat_ had disappeared! + +The thing of protoplasm nearest me was moving but I was no longer +interested. I remember the _Pat_ had touched the upper extremity of the +creature and had vanished, had ceased to be. + +The old sickness was back. I was lonely. I wanted the other entity. I +could not, did not wish to exist without the _Pat_. + +I darted frantically about the metal shell, here and there, searching, +searching. Where was the _Pat_? I _screamed_ for it. I thought _Pat_ as +far away as I could reach, but there was no reaction, no response at +all. + +In my frenzy, I was back beside the creatures of protoplasm before I +realized it, near the one I had not yet examined. + +"Perhaps they took her," I thought. It was not logical, but it was a +hope. Hope is emotional; I was becoming more emotional than rational. + +I touched the larger of the two creatures, experimentally; moved +cautiously inside it, searching, searching. + +Suddenly I was seized by a great force, an inexorable power that grasped +me and wrenched me, tearing me from the point in space I had occupied a +moment before. My perception blurred, but I was not frightened. Without +the _Pat_ I did not care what happened. I was intensely curious. "So +this is how it is," I reasoned in a flash, "to _cease to be_." + +And I ceased to be.... + + * * * * * + +Marlow shook his head. I must have dozed, he thought. He glanced at the +chronometer on the console ahead. No, only a minute or two had elapsed +since the last time he had checked. + +"Sleepy head! Wake up and live!" + +He looked to his right. Pat sat in the navigator's seat smiling at him. + +"I didn't sleep, honestly," he protested. "We hit some sort of barrier +back there. It knocked me out for a moment. I had the damnedest +impression--" + +"Remember what you promised!" She swiveled the seat about to face him. +"No more scientific lectures on the mysteries of space or I'll return to +earth. You know my poor brain can't absorb it." + +"You win," he grinned, running calloused fingers through his greying +crew-cut. He leaned forward and kissed her briefly. "How did an old +space hermit like me ever win a flower-garden bride in the first place?" + +They laughed together, and he felt secure within the metallic shell +surrounding them, no longer alone. + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Fantastic Universe_ March 1954. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + +***** This file should be named 29149.txt or 29149.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/1/4/29149/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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