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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/29149-h.zip b/29149-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5b60935 --- /dev/null +++ b/29149-h.zip diff --git a/29149-h/29149-h.htm b/29149-h/29149-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2f80b10 --- /dev/null +++ b/29149-h/29149-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1092 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2 {text-align: right; font-weight: normal; line-height: 2em;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .bk1 {margin: 1em auto 3em; border-top: solid 2px; border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bk2 {float: left; width: 15em; margin: 1em 2em 1em 0;} + .pr1 {line-height: 1.5em; margin-top: 4em;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 1em auto; visibility: hidden;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + .figt {float: left; clear: left; margin: 15px; padding: 0; width: 140px;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; min-height: 230px;} + .trn p {margin: 15px;} + img {border: none;} + a:link,a:visited {text-decoration: none;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Cogito, Ergo Sum + +Author: John Foster West + +Release Date: June 17, 2009 [EBook #29149] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="bk1"><p><i><small>Are the Spirit and the Flesh one and the same thing? Or are they separate +entities, dependent and at the same time independent of each other? Perhaps +some great Cosmic Law holds this secret. But the one Universal +Element that we can depend upon, apparently, is The Lucky Accident.</small></i></p></div> + +<div class="bk2"><h1><b>cogito,<br /> +ergo<br /> +sum</b></h1> + +<h2><small><i>by ... John Foster West</i></small></h2> + +<p class="pr1"><b><big>A warped instant in Space—and +two egos are separated from their +bodies and lost in a lonely abyss.</big></b></p></div> + +<p class="cap"><span class="smcap">I think</span>, therefore I am. That +was the first thought I had. Of +course not in the same symbols, +but with the same meaning.</p> + +<p>I awakened, or came alive, or +came into existence suddenly, at +least my mental consciousness did. +"Here am I," I thought, "but +what am I, why am I, where am +I?"</p> + +<p>I had nothing to work with +except pure reason. I was <i>there</i> +because I was not somewhere +else. I was certain I was <i>there</i> +and that was the extent of my +knowledge at the moment.</p> + +<p>I looked about me—no, I +<i>reasoned</i> about me. I was surrounded +by nothingness, by black +nothingness, a vacuum. Immense +distances away I could detect +light; or rather, I could perceive +waves of force passing around me +which originated at points vast +distances away, vast in relation +to my position in the nothingness.</p> + +<p>There were waves of force all +about me, varying in frequency. +The nothingness was alive with +waves of force, traveling parallel +and tangential to each other without +seeming to interfere one with +another. I measured them, differentiated +between them and +finished with the task in a matter +of seconds.</p> + +<p>How could I do it? It was one +of the capabilities I was <i>created</i> +with.</p> + +<p>What was I? I perceived the +waves of force. I perceived great +quantities of mass—solid, liquid, +gas—whirling in vacuum, mass +built up out of patterns of basic +force. I searched my own being, +analyzed myself. I was not gas. +I was not solid. I was not even +force. Yet I existed. I could +reason. I was a beginning, a sudden +beginning. And I had duration +because I knew that time had +elapsed since the moment I +<i>awakened</i> though I had no means +of telling how much time or of +even naming the period.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Could I really be <i>pure reason</i>? +Can reason exist? Can rational +entity exist without a groundwork +of matter, or at least of force?</p> + +<p>It could. It must. I was rational +entity and I existed. Yet I could +find nothing of force, nothing to +occupy space about my <i>self</i>. For +all I could ascertain, I might have +covered a one-dimensional point +in eternity or I might have been +spread throughout vast distances.</p> + +<p>From this reasoning I concluded +that rational entity might +occur either as some force unlike +that of all natural phenomena in +space, or as some combination of +these forces at the moment beyond +my own power to analyze, +even detect. I finished with that +for the time being.</p> + +<p>How did I come into being? I +discarded the question as unanswerable +temporarily. What was +I before that instant I suddenly +reasoned <i>cogito, ergo sum</i>? I could +not say.</p> + +<p>How did I know I even existed, +really? Obviously because I was +capable of rational thought. But +what was thinking? First it was +perceiving and accepting my own +existence; beyond that, it was +recognizing the dark nothingness +around me and the forces it contained. +I had to exist.</p> + +<p>But how did I know nothingness +was right? And how did I +know its darkness was right? And +how did I know the waves of force +were <i>waves</i> and <i>force</i>? And how +did I know matter was <i>matter</i> and +that I was none of these?</p> + +<p>"Symbols," I reasoned. "I'm +thinking in symbols. I could not +reason without symbols; therefore +I could not exist as I am without +symbols to think with."</p> + +<p>Yet whose symbols were they? +Where and how did I come by +them? I could think back clearly +to the instant of my creation, yet +I had not invented the symbols in +the interim of my existence, nor +had they been given to me. What +then? They were part of me when +I came alive in this universe, had +been <i>invented</i> some other time +and elsewhere by someone else or +by what I was before I became +the entity of reason I now was.</p> + +<p>Then that first flash of perception +in nothingness was not spontaneous. +There was something +behind it. I was something before +that moment, in another era +of time, perhaps a creature of +substance. But what?</p> + +<p>I concentrated. I remembered +the symbol <i>Marl</i>. I was or had +been an entity <i>Marl</i>. Were there +others back there, somewhere? +There must have been, must be +yet. Was I the only <i>Marl</i> who +metamorphosed into this state of +rational entity? Surely not. Yet +I could contact no other rationale +around me as far away as I could +probe. How far was that? How +could I know. Was it far enough +to reach the other <i>Marls</i>, or were +they scattered thinly throughout +infinity around me like the flecks +of mass?</p> + +<p>I was suddenly ill. The symbol +<i>malaise</i> came to me as the proper +description of my malady. I grew +dizzy with my sickness. I wished +to regurgitate, to cast off this +cold, frightening sensation. Yet +I was provided with no physical +means of doing it. It filled me +throughout all my thinking. It +was I. I thought to exist. I +thought depression, sickness. +Therefore I was the malady and +it was a hell of malcontent beyond +symbolical description.</p> + +<p>What was wrong with me? I +was frightened. I was concerned +for my existence here alone. What +was it called? The idea shimmered +there on the fringe of perception, +then fairly leaped into +my consciousness. Existing alone +as pure reason was worse than +no-existence, was worse than +dying or never having been at all. +I need another <i>Marl</i>. To exist +happily, I must have at least one +other <i>Marl</i> to communicate with, +to share my thoughts, to share my +being.</p> + +<p>Is this a necessity, a condition +peculiar to me as I am, as reason, +or is it a condition that came +across the barrier with me from +that other state? It must be the +latter. An entity of pure reason, +having come into existence as +reason, would need nothing but +himself. Why? Because he would +be <i>without emotion</i>.</p> + +<p>"I am <i>emotional</i>," I thought. "I +am entity of almost pure reason, +but I have inherited emotion from +my previous state. It is a disorder +of thought, but it can be a pleasant +disorder when the emotion is the +right one; or, if unpleasant, when +satisfied.</p> + +<p>"But I could not have emotions +as I am now. They are <i>cortical +responses</i>, or are supposed to be. +What is <i>cortical</i>? No, they are a +sort of illogical reasoning, nothing +physical—" The rest eluded me.</p> + +<p>"I am lonely," I thought. +"Loneliness stems from fear and +fear is a basic emotion. I am very +lonely. I have been lonely for a +long time, bringing it with me +here. I would rather sate my loneliness +than live to eternity, than +know all there is to know. What +can quell my loneliness? Another +like me, another <i>Marl</i>—whatever +a <i>Marl</i> is. I must have, must find +another <i>Marl</i>."</p> + +<p>I began to search. I darted +frantically about space like a +frightened thing, though I could +perceive no movement. I knew I +passed from one area of space to +another because I could measure +slight changes in the position of +the stars about me. I knew the +points of light were <i>stars</i>.</p> + +<p>There was duration. I could +not know how much. Eternity? +A split second? But at last I +discovered another like me. No, +almost like me, but another <i>Marl</i>. +The other entity had less of reason, +more emotion. It was frightened +and lonely. The <i>Marl's</i> +whole existence was that of sickness—of +loneliness, which is fear. +The <i>Marl</i> was darting about madly, +seeking, seeking a thing like +itself. What was it, like me but +different?</p> + +<p>As I came in, I measured our +similarity and differences. Rationally +we were identical, or almost +so. Emotionally we were different, +vastly different. "<i>Marls</i> appear to +exist as rationale and emotion," I +reasoned. "Beyond that I cannot +go."</p> + +<p>The other <i>Marl</i> perceived me, +darted frantically toward me, then +slowed. We came together, +touched like—<i>like two cautious +fish meeting in a dark pool and +touching mouths to substantiate +identical species</i>.</p> + +<p>The other <i>Marl</i> was satisfied +with my identity. It leaped frantically +at me, raced around me, +through me, finally stopped, pervading +me, while <i>vibrating</i> in +sheer relief and happiness. I felt +the great fear-loneliness in the +other <i>Marl</i> begin to recede and +in its place came an almost overpowering +euphoria. It was <i>contentment</i>, +and it stemmed from +the basic emotion <i>love</i>. I knew +this at once.</p> + +<p>I suddenly realized that I too +was relieved, that I was no longer +sick with fear-loneliness. It was +good, this existing of the other +within me or simultaneously with +me. Or was it I within the other? +It sated our fear emotion and +made, created a love-euphoria.</p> + +<p>"I am happy I found you," I +communicated. "I was lonely for +another <i>Marl</i>. You are a <i>Marl</i>?"</p> + +<p>The other hesitated, thinking. +"No. I am <i>Pat</i>. I am different +from you. But it is chiefly emotional. +It is good."</p> + +<p>"You are a <i>Pat</i>," I returned in +disappointment. "I had hoped to +find another <i>Marl</i>."</p> + +<p>"Don't be disappointed," the +<i>Pat</i> soothed. "We are alike, really. +Almost so. Like—like flame and +gas are both substance yet different. +We are two types of the +same thing. I am no longer +frightened. I am no longer lonely. +You are good for me."</p> + +<p>I was relieved because I wanted +to be. I believed the other <i>Marl</i>—no, +the <i>Pat</i>—because I wanted +to believe. I did not bother to +rationalize. I felt elation.</p> + +<p>"Then in that other time, that +other place we both belonged to a—a +common group, with another +name?" I suggested.</p> + +<p>"I believe so," the <i>Pat</i> answered.</p> + +<p>"How was it when you came +awake?" I asked. "Can you remember?"</p> + +<p>"I think so. I recall I was born +here in fright because it was all +wrong. I was not in my natural +state, so it was not right." The +<i>Pat</i> paused to think. "I remember +there was great speed and I was +born in fright. Were you?"</p> + +<p>"No," I answered. "I was not +frightened at first. And I was +never frightened to the degree you +were. I was mostly lonely, which +is related to fear. But when I +first conceived of my existence +here I was coolly logical. I +awakened <i>reasoning</i>—realizing +that I existed."</p> + +<p>"I suppose it has to do with +our emotional differences," the +<i>Pat</i> beside me or with me or within +me communicated.</p> + +<p>"Do you recall where in space +you came from?" I asked. "I must +have been doubting my existence +at first so intensely I did not observe. +You seem to have taken +your own being for granted, thus +you were, perhaps, more observant."</p> + +<p>"I—I think so." The <i>Pat</i> hesitated +and I knew it was observing +the stars around us. "Yes. Come +with me. I think I know where."</p> + +<p>I stayed with the <i>Pat</i>, a part of +it, and we lurched through space. +Rather, we ceased to exist at one +point in space and existed in +another. How far? Distances +meant nothing.</p> + +<p>"It was here," the <i>Pat</i> informed +me finally.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Something was wrong here. +The interweaving waves of force +were all wrong. There was a +disorder, a great cancer in space. +The waves interfered with the +progress of each other all along a +great barrier. It was not natural, +not like it was elsewhere.</p> + +<p>"Something is wrong with the +waves of force crossing this area. +They interfere with each other. +New forces are created. Do you +detect it?" I communicated.</p> + +<p>"I feel it," the <i>Pat</i> answered. +"It is a sickness in space like—like +our loneliness."</p> + +<p>I knew the comparison was +ridiculous but I let it pass. "You +said you came alive at great +speed. I could have been traveling +too. We must have plunged +into this barrier. It seems to me +that emotions must originate in a +<i>physical</i> being; perhaps reason +could be free, but not emotion. +I don't know. But I have a +theory. I believe our <i>physical</i> +selves still exist somewhere in +space. The barrier, perhaps, interfered +with the normal functioning +of our mental equipment. +We exist at one point in space +and we are thinking, experiencing +emotions at another point. It's as +if our minds are—are broadcasting +our thoughts and emotions +far away from our physical selves. +Either that, or our rationales were +torn free and only our emotions +are broadcast. Does that sound +logical?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," the <i>Pat</i> agreed, "I believe +that is the answer."</p> + +<p>I felt that the <i>Pat</i> was pleased +with my theory, that it greatly +admired my reasoning. I also perceived +that it had no idea what I +meant by the explanation. I did +not mind.</p> + +<p>"You said you were moving at +great speed," I continued. "Can +you remember the line, the direction +you were traveling in?"</p> + +<p>The <i>Pat</i> hesitated only a moment. +"Yes. You perceive the +star cluster there, the triangular +one? My heading was in that +direction, but it was changing +fast."</p> + +<p>"Then we could find nothing +by traveling toward the triangular +cluster?"</p> + +<p>"No. I was moving in an arc in +the direction of the distorted +square cluster there. Do you see +it?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," I answered, knowing +her use of the word <i>see</i> was unconscious. +"That is Cetus."</p> + +<p>"Cetus?" The <i>Pat</i> was startled. +"How do you know that?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know. The name came +to me. It seemed right to call it +that."</p> + +<p>"It—it's all so frightening!"</p> + +<p>I had no time for pampering +our emotions, though I was at +great peace with the <i>Pat</i> so near +me. Time might prove vital. +"Neither would it do any good to +travel in the direction of Cetus," +I said.</p> + +<p>"No. No," the <i>Pat</i> communicated. +"If there is any object of +matter or force I was a part of +in that other existence traveling +through space, it is in an arc. +The best we can do is take an +arbitrary direction between the +triangular cluster and the one +called Cetus and hope to intercept +the object, the other part of +me, whatever it is."</p> + +<p>"Come with me," I ordered.</p> + +<p>I discovered the object of mass +hurtling through space before the +<i>Pat</i> did. It was symmetrical and +metallic. I tore myself away from +my companion and darted to meet +it. I discovered it was a shell, a +hollow thing, and I passed inside. +There was a room there. There +were projections and circles of +transparent matter. I experienced +the symbol <i>dials</i>.</p> + +<p>There were two other creatures +seated close to the dials, things of +matter, and their substance was +protoplasm. But there was no +rationale present in either of them. +I examined the living matter of +the smaller one swiftly. Organs +seemed poised in a suspended +state. The creature I observed, +housed in a protective shell, +seemed paralyzed or dead. I remembered +the word <i>dead</i>.</p> + +<p>Then the <i>Pat</i> was with me +again. "I—I feel something, <i>Marl</i>. +I am frightened. What are they, +those things there?"</p> + +<p>"They seem to be—" I stopped +communicating.</p> + +<p>The <i>Pat</i> had disappeared!</p> + +<p>The thing of protoplasm nearest +me was moving but I was no +longer interested. I remember the +<i>Pat</i> had touched the upper extremity +of the creature and had +vanished, had ceased to be.</p> + +<p>The old sickness was back. I +was lonely. I wanted the other +entity. I could not, did not wish +to exist without the <i>Pat</i>.</p> + +<p>I darted frantically about the +metal shell, here and there, +searching, searching. Where was +the <i>Pat</i>? I <i>screamed</i> for it. I +thought <i>Pat</i> as far away as I could +reach, but there was no reaction, +no response at all.</p> + +<p>In my frenzy, I was back beside +the creatures of protoplasm +before I realized it, near the one +I had not yet examined.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps they took her," I +thought. It was not logical, but it +was a hope. Hope is emotional; +I was becoming more emotional +than rational.</p> + +<p>I touched the larger of the two +creatures, experimentally; moved +cautiously inside it, searching, +searching.</p> + +<p>Suddenly I was seized by a +great force, an inexorable power +that grasped me and wrenched +me, tearing me from the point in +space I had occupied a moment +before. My perception blurred, +but I was not frightened. Without +the <i>Pat</i> I did not care what happened. +I was intensely curious. +"So this is how it is," I reasoned +in a flash, "to <i>cease to be</i>."</p> + +<p>And I ceased to be....</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Marlow shook his head. I must +have dozed, he thought. He +glanced at the chronometer on the +console ahead. No, only a minute +or two had elapsed since the last +time he had checked.</p> + +<p>"Sleepy head! Wake up and +live!"</p> + +<p>He looked to his right. Pat sat +in the navigator's seat smiling at +him.</p> + +<p>"I didn't sleep, honestly," he +protested. "We hit some sort of +barrier back there. It knocked me +out for a moment. I had the +damnedest impression—"</p> + +<p>"Remember what you promised!" +She swiveled the seat about +to face him. "No more scientific +lectures on the mysteries of space +or I'll return to earth. You know +my poor brain can't absorb it."</p> + +<p>"You win," he grinned, running +calloused fingers through his greying +crew-cut. He leaned forward +and kissed her briefly. "How did +an old space hermit like me ever +win a flower-garden bride in the +first place?"</p> + +<p>They laughed together, and he +felt secure within the metallic shell +surrounding them, no longer +alone.</p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/001-2.jpg"><img src="images/001-1.jpg" width="140" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><b><big>Transcriber's Note:</big></b></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>Fantastic Universe</i> March 1954. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + +***** This file should be named 29149-h.htm or 29149-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/1/4/29149/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Cogito, Ergo Sum + +Author: John Foster West + +Release Date: June 17, 2009 [EBook #29149] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + _Are the Spirit and the Flesh one and the same thing? Or are they + separate entities, dependent and at the same time independent of + each other? Perhaps some great Cosmic Law holds this secret. But the + one Universal Element that we can depend upon, apparently, is The + Lucky Accident._ + + + cogito, + ergo + sum + + _by ... John Foster West_ + + + A warped instant in Space--and + two egos are separated from their + bodies and lost in a lonely abyss. + + +I think, therefore I am. That was the first thought I had. Of course not +in the same symbols, but with the same meaning. + +I awakened, or came alive, or came into existence suddenly, at least my +mental consciousness did. "Here am I," I thought, "but what am I, why am +I, where am I?" + +I had nothing to work with except pure reason. I was _there_ because I +was not somewhere else. I was certain I was _there_ and that was the +extent of my knowledge at the moment. + +I looked about me--no, I _reasoned_ about me. I was surrounded by +nothingness, by black nothingness, a vacuum. Immense distances away I +could detect light; or rather, I could perceive waves of force passing +around me which originated at points vast distances away, vast in +relation to my position in the nothingness. + +There were waves of force all about me, varying in frequency. The +nothingness was alive with waves of force, traveling parallel and +tangential to each other without seeming to interfere one with another. +I measured them, differentiated between them and finished with the task +in a matter of seconds. + +How could I do it? It was one of the capabilities I was _created_ with. + +What was I? I perceived the waves of force. I perceived great quantities +of mass--solid, liquid, gas--whirling in vacuum, mass built up out of +patterns of basic force. I searched my own being, analyzed myself. I was +not gas. I was not solid. I was not even force. Yet I existed. I could +reason. I was a beginning, a sudden beginning. And I had duration +because I knew that time had elapsed since the moment I _awakened_ +though I had no means of telling how much time or of even naming the +period. + + * * * * * + +Could I really be _pure reason_? Can reason exist? Can rational entity +exist without a groundwork of matter, or at least of force? + +It could. It must. I was rational entity and I existed. Yet I could find +nothing of force, nothing to occupy space about my _self_. For all I +could ascertain, I might have covered a one-dimensional point in +eternity or I might have been spread throughout vast distances. + +From this reasoning I concluded that rational entity might occur either +as some force unlike that of all natural phenomena in space, or as some +combination of these forces at the moment beyond my own power to +analyze, even detect. I finished with that for the time being. + +How did I come into being? I discarded the question as unanswerable +temporarily. What was I before that instant I suddenly reasoned _cogito, +ergo sum_? I could not say. + +How did I know I even existed, really? Obviously because I was capable +of rational thought. But what was thinking? First it was perceiving and +accepting my own existence; beyond that, it was recognizing the dark +nothingness around me and the forces it contained. I had to exist. + +But how did I know nothingness was right? And how did I know its +darkness was right? And how did I know the waves of force were _waves_ +and _force_? And how did I know matter was _matter_ and that I was none +of these? + +"Symbols," I reasoned. "I'm thinking in symbols. I could not reason +without symbols; therefore I could not exist as I am without symbols to +think with." + +Yet whose symbols were they? Where and how did I come by them? I could +think back clearly to the instant of my creation, yet I had not invented +the symbols in the interim of my existence, nor had they been given to +me. What then? They were part of me when I came alive in this universe, +had been _invented_ some other time and elsewhere by someone else or by +what I was before I became the entity of reason I now was. + +Then that first flash of perception in nothingness was not spontaneous. +There was something behind it. I was something before that moment, in +another era of time, perhaps a creature of substance. But what? + +I concentrated. I remembered the symbol _Marl_. I was or had been an +entity _Marl_. Were there others back there, somewhere? There must have +been, must be yet. Was I the only _Marl_ who metamorphosed into this +state of rational entity? Surely not. Yet I could contact no other +rationale around me as far away as I could probe. How far was that? How +could I know. Was it far enough to reach the other _Marls_, or were they +scattered thinly throughout infinity around me like the flecks of mass? + +I was suddenly ill. The symbol _malaise_ came to me as the proper +description of my malady. I grew dizzy with my sickness. I wished to +regurgitate, to cast off this cold, frightening sensation. Yet I was +provided with no physical means of doing it. It filled me throughout all +my thinking. It was I. I thought to exist. I thought depression, +sickness. Therefore I was the malady and it was a hell of malcontent +beyond symbolical description. + +What was wrong with me? I was frightened. I was concerned for my +existence here alone. What was it called? The idea shimmered there on +the fringe of perception, then fairly leaped into my consciousness. +Existing alone as pure reason was worse than no-existence, was worse +than dying or never having been at all. I need another _Marl_. To exist +happily, I must have at least one other _Marl_ to communicate with, to +share my thoughts, to share my being. + +Is this a necessity, a condition peculiar to me as I am, as reason, or +is it a condition that came across the barrier with me from that other +state? It must be the latter. An entity of pure reason, having come into +existence as reason, would need nothing but himself. Why? Because he +would be _without emotion_. + +"I am _emotional_," I thought. "I am entity of almost pure reason, but I +have inherited emotion from my previous state. It is a disorder of +thought, but it can be a pleasant disorder when the emotion is the right +one; or, if unpleasant, when satisfied. + +"But I could not have emotions as I am now. They are _cortical +responses_, or are supposed to be. What is _cortical_? No, they are a +sort of illogical reasoning, nothing physical--" The rest eluded me. + +"I am lonely," I thought. "Loneliness stems from fear and fear is a +basic emotion. I am very lonely. I have been lonely for a long time, +bringing it with me here. I would rather sate my loneliness than live to +eternity, than know all there is to know. What can quell my loneliness? +Another like me, another _Marl_--whatever a _Marl_ is. I must have, must +find another _Marl_." + +I began to search. I darted frantically about space like a frightened +thing, though I could perceive no movement. I knew I passed from one +area of space to another because I could measure slight changes in the +position of the stars about me. I knew the points of light were _stars_. + +There was duration. I could not know how much. Eternity? A split second? +But at last I discovered another like me. No, almost like me, but +another _Marl_. The other entity had less of reason, more emotion. It +was frightened and lonely. The _Marl's_ whole existence was that of +sickness--of loneliness, which is fear. The _Marl_ was darting about +madly, seeking, seeking a thing like itself. What was it, like me but +different? + +As I came in, I measured our similarity and differences. Rationally we +were identical, or almost so. Emotionally we were different, vastly +different. "_Marls_ appear to exist as rationale and emotion," I +reasoned. "Beyond that I cannot go." + +The other _Marl_ perceived me, darted frantically toward me, then +slowed. We came together, touched like--_like two cautious fish meeting +in a dark pool and touching mouths to substantiate identical species_. + +The other _Marl_ was satisfied with my identity. It leaped frantically +at me, raced around me, through me, finally stopped, pervading me, while +_vibrating_ in sheer relief and happiness. I felt the great +fear-loneliness in the other _Marl_ begin to recede and in its place +came an almost overpowering euphoria. It was _contentment_, and it +stemmed from the basic emotion _love_. I knew this at once. + +I suddenly realized that I too was relieved, that I was no longer sick +with fear-loneliness. It was good, this existing of the other within me +or simultaneously with me. Or was it I within the other? It sated our +fear emotion and made, created a love-euphoria. + +"I am happy I found you," I communicated. "I was lonely for another +_Marl_. You are a _Marl_?" + +The other hesitated, thinking. "No. I am _Pat_. I am different from you. +But it is chiefly emotional. It is good." + +"You are a _Pat_," I returned in disappointment. "I had hoped to find +another _Marl_." + +"Don't be disappointed," the _Pat_ soothed. "We are alike, really. +Almost so. Like--like flame and gas are both substance yet different. We +are two types of the same thing. I am no longer frightened. I am no +longer lonely. You are good for me." + +I was relieved because I wanted to be. I believed the other _Marl_--no, +the _Pat_--because I wanted to believe. I did not bother to +rationalize. I felt elation. + +"Then in that other time, that other place we both belonged to a--a +common group, with another name?" I suggested. + +"I believe so," the _Pat_ answered. + +"How was it when you came awake?" I asked. "Can you remember?" + +"I think so. I recall I was born here in fright because it was all +wrong. I was not in my natural state, so it was not right." The _Pat_ +paused to think. "I remember there was great speed and I was born in +fright. Were you?" + +"No," I answered. "I was not frightened at first. And I was never +frightened to the degree you were. I was mostly lonely, which is related +to fear. But when I first conceived of my existence here I was coolly +logical. I awakened _reasoning_--realizing that I existed." + +"I suppose it has to do with our emotional differences," the _Pat_ +beside me or with me or within me communicated. + +"Do you recall where in space you came from?" I asked. "I must have been +doubting my existence at first so intensely I did not observe. You seem +to have taken your own being for granted, thus you were, perhaps, more +observant." + +"I--I think so." The _Pat_ hesitated and I knew it was observing the +stars around us. "Yes. Come with me. I think I know where." + +I stayed with the _Pat_, a part of it, and we lurched through space. +Rather, we ceased to exist at one point in space and existed in another. +How far? Distances meant nothing. + +"It was here," the _Pat_ informed me finally. + + * * * * * + +Something was wrong here. The interweaving waves of force were all +wrong. There was a disorder, a great cancer in space. The waves +interfered with the progress of each other all along a great barrier. It +was not natural, not like it was elsewhere. + +"Something is wrong with the waves of force crossing this area. They +interfere with each other. New forces are created. Do you detect it?" I +communicated. + +"I feel it," the _Pat_ answered. "It is a sickness in space like--like +our loneliness." + +I knew the comparison was ridiculous but I let it pass. "You said you +came alive at great speed. I could have been traveling too. We must have +plunged into this barrier. It seems to me that emotions must originate +in a _physical_ being; perhaps reason could be free, but not emotion. I +don't know. But I have a theory. I believe our _physical_ selves still +exist somewhere in space. The barrier, perhaps, interfered with the +normal functioning of our mental equipment. We exist at one point in +space and we are thinking, experiencing emotions at another point. It's +as if our minds are--are broadcasting our thoughts and emotions far away +from our physical selves. Either that, or our rationales were torn free +and only our emotions are broadcast. Does that sound logical?" + +"Yes," the _Pat_ agreed, "I believe that is the answer." + +I felt that the _Pat_ was pleased with my theory, that it greatly +admired my reasoning. I also perceived that it had no idea what I meant +by the explanation. I did not mind. + +"You said you were moving at great speed," I continued. "Can you +remember the line, the direction you were traveling in?" + +The _Pat_ hesitated only a moment. "Yes. You perceive the star cluster +there, the triangular one? My heading was in that direction, but it was +changing fast." + +"Then we could find nothing by traveling toward the triangular cluster?" + +"No. I was moving in an arc in the direction of the distorted square +cluster there. Do you see it?" + +"Yes," I answered, knowing her use of the word _see_ was unconscious. +"That is Cetus." + +"Cetus?" The _Pat_ was startled. "How do you know that?" + +"I don't know. The name came to me. It seemed right to call it that." + +"It--it's all so frightening!" + +I had no time for pampering our emotions, though I was at great peace +with the _Pat_ so near me. Time might prove vital. "Neither would it do +any good to travel in the direction of Cetus," I said. + +"No. No," the _Pat_ communicated. "If there is any object of matter or +force I was a part of in that other existence traveling through space, +it is in an arc. The best we can do is take an arbitrary direction +between the triangular cluster and the one called Cetus and hope to +intercept the object, the other part of me, whatever it is." + +"Come with me," I ordered. + +I discovered the object of mass hurtling through space before the _Pat_ +did. It was symmetrical and metallic. I tore myself away from my +companion and darted to meet it. I discovered it was a shell, a hollow +thing, and I passed inside. There was a room there. There were +projections and circles of transparent matter. I experienced the symbol +_dials_. + +There were two other creatures seated close to the dials, things of +matter, and their substance was protoplasm. But there was no rationale +present in either of them. I examined the living matter of the smaller +one swiftly. Organs seemed poised in a suspended state. The creature I +observed, housed in a protective shell, seemed paralyzed or dead. I +remembered the word _dead_. + +Then the _Pat_ was with me again. "I--I feel something, _Marl_. I am +frightened. What are they, those things there?" + +"They seem to be--" I stopped communicating. + +The _Pat_ had disappeared! + +The thing of protoplasm nearest me was moving but I was no longer +interested. I remember the _Pat_ had touched the upper extremity of the +creature and had vanished, had ceased to be. + +The old sickness was back. I was lonely. I wanted the other entity. I +could not, did not wish to exist without the _Pat_. + +I darted frantically about the metal shell, here and there, searching, +searching. Where was the _Pat_? I _screamed_ for it. I thought _Pat_ as +far away as I could reach, but there was no reaction, no response at +all. + +In my frenzy, I was back beside the creatures of protoplasm before I +realized it, near the one I had not yet examined. + +"Perhaps they took her," I thought. It was not logical, but it was a +hope. Hope is emotional; I was becoming more emotional than rational. + +I touched the larger of the two creatures, experimentally; moved +cautiously inside it, searching, searching. + +Suddenly I was seized by a great force, an inexorable power that grasped +me and wrenched me, tearing me from the point in space I had occupied a +moment before. My perception blurred, but I was not frightened. Without +the _Pat_ I did not care what happened. I was intensely curious. "So +this is how it is," I reasoned in a flash, "to _cease to be_." + +And I ceased to be.... + + * * * * * + +Marlow shook his head. I must have dozed, he thought. He glanced at the +chronometer on the console ahead. No, only a minute or two had elapsed +since the last time he had checked. + +"Sleepy head! Wake up and live!" + +He looked to his right. Pat sat in the navigator's seat smiling at him. + +"I didn't sleep, honestly," he protested. "We hit some sort of barrier +back there. It knocked me out for a moment. I had the damnedest +impression--" + +"Remember what you promised!" She swiveled the seat about to face him. +"No more scientific lectures on the mysteries of space or I'll return to +earth. You know my poor brain can't absorb it." + +"You win," he grinned, running calloused fingers through his greying +crew-cut. He leaned forward and kissed her briefly. "How did an old +space hermit like me ever win a flower-garden bride in the first place?" + +They laughed together, and he felt secure within the metallic shell +surrounding them, no longer alone. + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Fantastic Universe_ March 1954. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cogito, Ergo Sum, by John Foster West + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COGITO, ERGO SUM *** + +***** This file should be named 29149.txt or 29149.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/1/4/29149/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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