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P--M [John Galsworthy] + + +[NOTE: John Galsworthy said of this work: "The Burning Spear" was revenge +of the nerves. Was it bad enough to have to bear the dreads and strains +and griefs of war." Several years after its first publication he +admitted authorship and it was included in the collected edition of his +works D.W.] + + + "With a heart of furious fancies, + Whereof I am commander, + With a burning spear and a horse of air + In the wilderness I wander; + With a night of ghosts and shadows + I summoned am to tourney + Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end + For me it is no journey." + + TOM O'BEDLAM + + + + + +THE BURNING SPEAR + + + +I + +THE HERO + +In the year ---- there dwelt on Hampstead Heath a small thin gentleman of +fifty-eight, gentle disposition, and independent means, whose wits had +become somewhat addled from reading the writings and speeches of public +men. The castle which, like every Englishman, he inhabited was embedded +in lilac bushes and laburnums, and was attached to another castle, +embedded, in deference to our national dislike of uniformity, in acacias +and laurustinus. Our gentleman, whose name was John Lavender, had until +the days of the Great War passed one of those curious existences are +sometimes to be met with, in doing harm to nobody. He had been brought +up to the Bar, but like most barristers had never practised, and had +spent his time among animals and the wisdom of the past. At the period +in which this record opens he owned a young female sheep-dog called +Blink, with beautiful eyes obscured by hair; and was attended to by a +thin and energetic housekeeper, in his estimation above all weakness, +whose name was Marian Petty, and by her husband, his chauffeur, whose +name was Joe. + +It was the ambition of our hero to be, like all public men, without fear +and without reproach. He drank not, abstained from fleshly intercourse, +and habitually spoke the truth. His face was thin, high cheek-boned, and +not unpleasing, with one loose eyebrow over which he had no control; his +eyes, bright and of hazel hue, looked his fellows in the face without +seeing what was in it. Though his moustache was still dark, his thick +waving hair was permanently white, for his study was lined from floor to +ceiling with books, pamphlets, journals, and the recorded utterances of +great mouths. He was of a frugal habit, ate what was put before him +without question, and if asked what he would have, invariably answered: +"What is there?" without listening to the reply. For at mealtimes it was +his custom to read the writings of great men. + +"Joe," he would say to his chauffeur, who had a slight limp, a green +wandering eye, and a red face, with a rather curved and rather redder +nose, "You must read this." + +And Joe would answer: + +"Which one is that, sir?" + +"Hummingtop; a great man, I think, Joe." + +"A brainy chap, right enough, sir." + +"He has done wonders for the country. Listen to this." And Mr. +Lavender would read as follows: "If I had fifty sons I would give them +all. "If I had forty daughters they should nurse and scrub and weed and +fill shells; if I had thirty country-houses they should all be hospitals; +if I had twenty pens I would use them all day long; if had ten voices +they should never cease to inspire and aid my country." + +"If 'e had nine lives," interrupted Joe, with a certain suddenness, "'e'd +save the lot." + +Mr. Lavender lowered the paper. + +"I cannot bear cynicism, Joe; there is no quality so unbecoming to a +gentleman." + +"Me and 'im don't put in for that, sir." + +"Joe, Mr. Lavender would say you are, incorrigible...." + +Our gentleman, in common with all worthy of the name, had a bank-book, +which, in hopes that it would disclose an unsuspected balance, he would +have "made up" every time he read an utterance exhorting people to invest +and save their country. + +One morning at the end of May, finding there was none, he called in his +housekeeper and said: + +"Mrs. Petty, we are spending too much; we have again been exhorted to +save. Listen! 'Every penny diverted from prosecution of the war is one +more spent in the interests of the enemies of mankind. No patriotic +person, I am confident; will spend upon him or herself a stiver which +could be devoted to the noble ends so near to all our hearts. Let us +make every spare copper into bullets to strengthen the sinews of war!' +A great speech. What can we do without?" + +"The newspapers, sir." + +"Don't be foolish, Mrs. Petty. From what else could we draw our +inspiration and comfort in these terrible days?" + +Mrs. Petty sniffed. "Well, you can't eat less than you do," she said; +"but you might stop feedin' Blink out of your rations--that I do think." + +"I have not found that forbidden as yet in any public utterance," +returned Mr. Lavender; "but when the Earl of Betternot tells us to stop, +I shall follow his example, you may depend on that. The country comes +before everything. "Mrs. Petty tossed her head and murmured darkly + +"Do you suppose he's got an example, Sir?" + +"Mrs. Petty," replied Mr. Lavender, "that is quite unworthy of you. But, +tell me, what can we do without?" + +"I could do without Joe," responded Mrs. Petty, "now that you're not +using him as chauffeur." + +"Please be serious. Joe is an institution; besides, I am thinking of +offering myself to the Government as a speaker now that we may use gas." + +Ah!" said Mrs. Petty. + +"I am going down about it to-morrow." + +"Indeed, sir!" + +"I feel my energies are not fully employed." + +"No, sir?" + +"By the way, there was a wonderful leader on potatoes yesterday. We must +dig up the garden. Do you know what the subsoil is?" + +"Brickbats and dead cats, I expect, sir." + +"Ah! We shall soon improve that. Every inch of land reclaimed is a nail +in the coffin of our common enemies." + +And going over to a bookcase, Mr. Lavender took out the third from the +top of a pile of newspapers. "Listen!" he said. "'The problem before us +is the extraction of every potential ounce of food. No half measures +must content us. Potatoes! Potatoes! No matter how, where, when the +prime national necessity is now the growth of potatoes. All Britons +should join in raising a plant which may be our very salvation. + +"Fudge!" murmured Mrs. Petty. + +Mr. Lavender read on, and his eyes glowed. + +"Ah!" he thought, "I, too, can do my bit to save England.... It needs but +the spark to burn away the dross of this terrible horse-sense which keeps +the country back. + +"Mrs. Petty!" But Mrs. Petty was already not. + + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . + +The grass never grew under the feet of Mr. Lavender, No sooner had he +formed his sudden resolve than he wrote to what he conceived to be the +proper quarter, and receiving no reply, went down to the centre of the +official world. It was at time of change and no small national +excitement; brooms were sweeping clean, and new offices had arisen +everywhere. Mr. Lavender passed bewildered among large stone buildings +and small wooden buildings, not knowing where to go. He had bought no +clothes since the beginning of the war, except the various Volunteer +uniforms which the exigencies of a shifting situation had forced the +authorities to withdraw from time to time; and his, small shrunken figure +struck somewhat vividly on the eye, with elbows and knees shining in the +summer sunlight. Stopping at last before the only object which seemed +unchanged, he said: + +"Can you tell me where the Ministry is?" + +The officer looked down at him. + +"What for?" + +"For speaking about the country." + +"Ministry of Propagation? First on the right, second door on the left." + +"Thank you. The Police are wonderful." + +"None of that," said the officer coldly. + +"I only said you were wonderful." + +"I 'eard you." + +"But you are. I don't know what the country would do without you. Your +solid qualities, your imperturbable bonhomie, your truly British +tenderness towards----" + +"Pass away!" said the officer. + +"I am only repeating what we all say of you," rejoined Mr. Lavender +reproachfully. + +"Did you 'ear me say 'Move on,'" said the officer; "or must I make you an +example?" + +"YOU are the example," said Mr. Lavender warmly. + +"Any more names," returned the officer, "and I take you to the station." +And he moved out into the traffic. Puzzled by his unfriendliness Mr. +Lavender resumed his search, and, arriving at the door indicated, went +in. A dark, dusty, deserted corridor led him nowhere, till he came on a +little girl in a brown frock, with her hair down her back. + +"Can you tell me, little one----" he said, laying his hand on her head. + +"Chuck it!" said the little girl. + +"No, no!" responded Mr. Lavender, deeply hurt. "Can you tell me where I +can find the Minister?" + +"'Ave you an appointment? + +"No; but I wrote to him. He should expect me." + +"Wot nyme?" + +"John Lavender. Here is my card." + +"I'll tyke it in. Wyte 'ere!" + +"Wonderful!" mused Mr. Lavender; "the patriotic impulse already stirring +in these little hearts! What was the stanza of that patriotic poet? + + "'Lives not a babe who shall not feel the pulse + Of Britain's need beat wild in Britain's wrist. + And, sacrificial, in the world's convulse + Put up its lips to be by Britain kissed.' + +So young to bring their lives to the service of the country!" + +"Come on," said the little girl, reappearing suddenly; "e'll see you." + +Mr. Lavender entered a room which had a considerable resemblance to the +office of a lawyer save for the absence of tomes. It seemed furnished +almost exclusively by the Minister, who sat with knees crossed, in a pair +of large round tortoiseshell spectacles, which did not, however, veil the +keenness of his eyes. He was a man with close +cropped grey hair, a broad, yellow, clean-shaven face, and thrusting grey +eyes. + +"Mr. Lavender," he said, in a raw, forcible voice; "sit down, will you?" + +"I wrote to you," began our hero, "expressing the wish to offer myself as +a speaker." + +"Ah!" said the Minister. "Let's see--Lavender, Lavender. Here's your +letter." And extracting a letter from a file he read it, avoiding with +difficulty his tortoiseshell spectacles. "You want to stump the country? +M.A., Barrister, and Fellow of the Zoological. Are you a good speaker?" + +"If zeal--- " began Mr. Lavender. + +"That's it; spark! We're out to win this war, sir." + +"Quite so," began Mr. Lavender. "If devotion----" + +"You'll have to use gas," said the Minister; and we don't pay." + +"Pay!" cried Mr. Lavender with horror; "no, indeed!" + +The Minister bent on him a shrewd glance. + +"What's your line? Anything particular, or just general patriotism? +I recommend that; but you'll have to put some punch into it, you +know." + +"I have studied all the great orators of the war, sir," said Mr. +Lavender, "and am familiar with all the great writers on, it. I should +form myself on them; and if enthusiasm----" + +"Quite!" said the Minister. "If you want any atrocities we can give you +them. No facts and no figures; just general pat." + +"I shall endeavour----" began Mr. Lavender. + +"Well, good-bye," said the Minister, rising. "When do you start?" + +Mr. Lavender rose too. "To-morrow," he said, "if I can get inflated." + +The Minister rang a bell. + +"You're on your own, mind," he said. "No facts; what they want is +ginger. Yes, Mr. Japes? " + +And seeing that the Minister was looking over his tortoiseshell. +spectacles at somebody behind him, Mr. Lavender turned and went out. In +the corridor he thought, "What terseness! How different from the days +when Dickens wrote his 'Circumlocution Office'! Punch!" And opening the +wrong door, he found himself in the presence of six little girls in brown +frocks, sitting against the walls with their thumbs in their mouths. + +"Oh!" he said, "I'm afraid I've lost my way." + +The eldest of the little girls withdrew a thumb. + +"What d'yer want?" + +"The door," said Mr. Lavender. + +"Second on the right." + +"Goodbye," said Mr. Lavender. + +The little girls did not answer. And he went out thinking, "These +children are really wonderful! What devotion one sees! And yet the +country is not yet fully roused!" + + + + +II + +THE VALET + +Joe Petty stood contemplating the car which, purchased some fifteen years +before had not been used since the war began. Birds had nested in its +hair. It smelled of mould inside; it creaked from rust. "The Guv'nor +must be cracked," he thought, "to think we can get anywhere in this old +geyser. Well, well, it's summer; if we break down it won't break my +'eart. Government job--better than diggin' or drillin'. Good old Guv.!" +So musing, he lit his pipe and examined the recesses beneath the driver's +seat. "A bottle or three," he thought, "in case our patriotism should +get us stuck a bit off the beaten; a loaf or two, some 'oney in a pot, +and a good old 'am. + +A life on the rollin' road----' 'Ow they can give 'im the job I can't +think!" His soliloquy was here interrupted by the approach of his wife, +bearing a valise. + +"Don't you wish you was comin', old girl?" he remarked to her lightly. + +"I do not; I'm glad to be shut of you. Keep his feet dry. What have you +got under there?" + +Joe Petty winked. + +"What a lumbering great thing it looks!" said Mrs. Petty, gazing upwards. + +"Ah!" returned her husband thoughtfully, we'll 'ave the population round +us without advertisement. And taking the heads of two small boys who had +come up, he knocked them together in an absent-minded fashion. + +"Well," said Mrs. Petty, "I can't waste time. Here's his extra set of +teeth. Don't lose them. Have you got your own toothbrush? Use it, and +behave yourself. Let me have a line. And don't let him get excited." +She tapped her forehead. + +"Go away, you boys; shoo!" + +The boys, now six in number, raised a slight cheer ; for at that moment +Mr. Lavender, in a broad-brimmed grey felt hat and a holland dust-coat, +came out through his garden-gate carrying a pile of newspapers and +pamphlets so large that his feet, legs, and hat alone were visible. + +"Open the door, Joe!" he said, and stumbled into the body of the vehicle. +A shrill cheer rose from the eight boys, who could see him through the +further window. Taking this for an augury Of success, Mr. Lavender +removed his hat, and putting his head through the window, thus addressed +the ten boys: + +I thank you. The occasion is one which I shall ever remember. The +Government has charged me with the great task of rousing our country in +days which demand of each of us the utmost exertions. I am proud to feel +that I have here, on the very threshold of my task, an audience of bright +young spirits, each one of whom in this democratic country has in him +perhaps the makings of a General or even of a Prime Minister. Let it be +your earnest endeavour, boys----" + +At this moment a piece of indiarubber rebounded from Mr. Lavender's +forehead, and he recoiled into the body of the car. + +"Are you right, sir?" said Joe, looking in; and without waiting for reply +he started the engine. The car moved out amid a volley of stones, balls, +cheers, and other missiles from the fifteen boys who pursued it with +frenzy. Swaying slightly from side to side, with billowing bag, it +gathered speed, and, turning a corner, took road for the country. Mr. +Lavender, somewhat dazed, for the indiarubber had been hard, sat gazing +through the little back window at the great city he was leaving. His +lips moved, expressing unconsciously the sentiments of innumerable Lord +Mayors: "Greatest City in the world, Queen of Commerce, whose full heart +I can still hear beating behind me, in mingled pride and regret I leave +you. With the most sacred gratitude I lay down my office. I go to other +work, whose---- Joe!" + +"Sir?" + +"Do you see that?" + +"I see your 'ead, that's all, sir." + +"We seem to be followed by a little column of dust, which keeps ever at +the same distance in the middle of the road. Do you think it can be an +augury." + +"No; I should think it's a dog." + +"In that case, hold hard!" said Mr. Lavender, who had a weakness for +dog's. Joe slackened the car's pace, and leaned his head round the +comer. The column of dust approached rapidly. + +"It is a dog," said Mr. Lavender it's Blink." + +The female sheep-dog, almost flat with the ground from speed, emerged +from the dust, wild with hair and anxiety, white on the cheeks and +chest and top of the head, and grey in the body and the very little tail, +and passed them like a streak of lightning. + +"Get on!" cried Mr. Lavender, excited; "follow her she's trying to catch +us up!" + +Joe urged on the car, which responded gallantly, swaying from side to +side, while the gas-bag bellied and shook; but the faster it went the +faster the sheep-dog flew in front of it. + +"This is dreadful!" said Mr. Lavender in anguish, leaning far out. +"Blink! Blink! + +His cries were drowned in the roar of the car. + +"Damn the brute!" muttered Joe at this rate she'll be over the edge in +'alf a mo'. Wherever does she think we are?" + +"Blink! Blink!" wailed Mr. Lavender. "Get on, Joe, get on! She's +gaining on us!" + +"Well I never see anything like this," said Joe, "chasin' wot's chasing +you! Hi! Hi!" + +Urged on by their shouts and the noise of the pursuing car, the poor dog +redoubled her efforts to rejoin her master, and Mr. Lavender, Joe, and +the car, which had begun to emit the most lamentable creaks and odours, +redoubled theirs. + +"I shall bust her up," said Joe. + +"I care not!" cried Mr. Lavender. "I must recover the dog." + +They flashed through the outskirts of the Garden City. "Stop her, stop +her!" called Mr. Lavender to such of the astonished inhabitants as they +had already left behind. "This is a nightmare, Joe!" + +"'It's a blinkin' day-dream," returned Joe, forcing the car to an +expiring spurt. + +"If she gets to that 'ill before we ketch 'er, we're done; the old geyser +can't 'alf crawl up 'ills." + +"We're gaining," shrieked Mr. Lavender; "I can see her tongue." + +As though it heard his voice, the car leaped forward and stopped with a +sudden and most formidable jerk; the door burst open, and Mr. Lavender +fell out upon his sheep-dog. + +Fortunately they were in the only bed of nettles in that part of the +world, and its softness and that of Blink assuaged the severity of his +fall, yet it was some minutes before he regained the full measure of his +faculties. He came to himself sitting on a milestone, with his dog on +her hind legs between his knees, licking his face clean, and panting down +his throat. + +"Joe," he said; "where are you"? + +The voice of Joe replied from underneath the car: "Here sir. She's +popped." + +"Do you mean that our journey is arrested?" + +"Ah! We're in irons. You may as well walk 'ome, sir. It ain't two +miles. + +"No! no!" said Mr. Lavender. "We passed the Garden City a little way +back ; I could go and hold a meeting. How long will you be?" + +"A day or two," said Joe. + +Mr. Lavender sighed, and at this manifestation of his grief his sheep-dog +redoubled her efforts to comfort him. "Nothing becomes one more than the +practice of philosophy," he thought. "I always admired those great +public men who in moments of national peril can still dine with a good +appetite. We will sit in the car a little, for I have rather a pain, and +think over a speech." So musing he mounted the car, followed by his dog, +and sat down in considerable discomfort. + +"What subject can I choose for a Garden City?" he thought, and +remembering that he had with him the speech of a bishop on the subject of +babies, he dived into his bundle of literature, and extracting a pamphlet +began to con its periods. A sharp blow from a hammer on the bottom of the +car just below where Blink was sitting caused him to pause and the dog to +rise and examine her tiny tail. + +"Curious," thought Mr. Lavender dreamily, "how Joe always does the right +thing in the wrong place. He is very English." The hammering continued, +and the dog, who traced it to the omnipotence of her master, got up on +the seat where she could lick his face. Mr. Lavender was compelled to +stop. + +"Joe," he said, leaning out and down; "must you?" + +The face of Joe, very red, leaned out and up. "What's the matter now, +sir?" + +"I am preparing a speech; must you hammer?" + +"No,"returned Joe, "I needn't." + +"I don't wish you to waste your time," said Mr Lavender. + +"Don't worry about that, sir," replied Joe; "there's plenty to do." + +"In that case I shall be glad to finish my speech." + +Mr. Lavender resumed his seat and Blink her position on the floor, with +her head on his feet. The sound of his voice soon rose again in the car +like the buzzing of large flies. "'If we are to win this war we must +have an ever-increasing population. In town and countryside, in the +palace and the slum, above all in the Garden City, we must have babies.'" + +Here Blink, who had been regarding him with lustrous eyes, leaped on to +his knees and licked his mouth. Again Mr. Lavender was compelled to +stop. + +"Down, Blink, down! I am not speaking to you. 'The future of our +country depends on the little citizens born now. I especially appeal to +women. It is to them we must look----'" + +"Will you 'ave a glass, sir?" + +Mr. Lavender saw before him a tumbler containing a yellow fluid. + +"Joe," he said sadly, "you know my rule----" + +"'Ere's the exception, sir." + +Mr. Lavender sighed. " No, no; I must practise what I preach. I shall +soon be rousing the people on the liquor question, too." + +Well, 'ere's luck," said Joe, draining the glass. "Will you 'ave a slice +of 'am?" + +"That would not be amiss," said Mr. Lavender, taking Joe's knife with the +slice of ham upon its point. "'It is to them that we must look,'" he +resumed, "'to rejuvenate the Empire and make good the losses in the +firing-line.'" And he raised the knife to his mouth. No result +followed, while Blink wriggled on her base and licked her lips. + +"Blink!" said Mr. Lavender reproachfully. "Joe!" + +"Sir!" + +"When you've finished your lunch and repaired the car you will find me in +the Town Hall or market-place. Take care of Blink. I'll tie her up. +Have you some string?" + +Having secured his dog to the handle of the door and disregarded the +intensity of her gaze, Mr. Lavender walked back towards the Garden City +with a pamphlet in one hand and a crutch-handled stick in the other. +Restoring the ham to its nest behind his feet, Joe finished the bottle of +Bass. "This is a bit of all right!" he thought dreamily. Lie down, you +bitch! Quiet! How can I get my nap while you make that row? Lie down! +That's better." + +Blink was silent, gnawing at her string. The smile deepened on Joe's +face, his head fell a little one side his mouth fell open a fly flew into +it. + +"Ah!" he thought, spitting it out; "dog's quiet now." He slept. + + + + +III + +MR. LAVENDER ADDRESSES A CROWD OF HUNS + +"'Give them ginger!'" thought Mr. Lavender, approaching the first houses. +"My first task, however, will be to collect them." + +"Can you tell me," he said to a dustman, "where the market-place is?" + +"Ain't none." + +"The Town Hall, then?" + +"Likewise." + +"What place is there, then," said Mr. Lavender," where people +congregate?" + +"They don't." + +"Do they never hold public meetings here?" + +"Ah!" said the dustman mysteriously. + +"I wish to address them on the subject of babies." + +"Bill! Gent abaht babies. Where'd he better go?" + +The man addressed, however, who carried a bag of tools, did not stop. + +"You,'ear?" said the dustman, and urging his horse, passed on. + +"How rude!" thought Mr. Lavender. Something cold and wet was pressed +against his hand, he felt a turmoil, and saw Blink moving round and round +him, curved like a horseshoe, with a bit of string dangling from her +white neck. At that moment of discouragement the sight of one who +believed in him gave Mr. Lavender nothing but pleasure. "How wonderful +dogs are!" he murmured. The sheep-dog responded by bounds and +ear-splitting barks, so that two boys and a little girl wheeling a +perambulator stopped to look and listen. + +"She is like Mercury," thought Mr. Lavender; and taking advantage of her +interest in his hat, which she had knocked off in her effusions, he +placed his hand on her head and crumpled her ear. The dog passed into an +hypnotic trance, broken by soft grumblings of pleasure. "The most +beautiful eyes in the world!" thought Mr. Lavender, replacing his hat; +"the innocence and goodness of her face are entrancing." + +In his long holland coat, with his wide-brimmed felt hat all dusty, and +the crutch-handled stick in his hand, he had already arrested the +attention of five boys, the little girl with the perambulator, a postman, +a maid-servant, and three old ladies. + +"What a beautiful dog yours is!" said one of the old ladies; "dear +creature! Are you a shepherd?" + +Mr. Lavender removed his hat. + +"No, madam," he said; "a public speaker." + +"How foolish of me!" replied the old lady. + +"Not at all, madam; the folly is mine." And Mr. Lavender bowed. +"I have come here to give an address on babies." + +The old lady looked at him shrewdly, and, saying something in a low voice +to her companions, passed on, to halt again a little way off. + +In the meantime the rumour that there was a horse down in the Clemenceau +Road had spread rapidly, and more boys, several little girls, and three +soldiers in blue, with red ties, had joined the group round Mr. Lavender, +to whom there seemed something more than providential in this rapid +assemblage. Looking round him for a platform from which to address them, +he saw nothing but the low wall of the little villa garden outside which +he was standing. Mounting on this, therefore, and firmly grasping the +branch of a young acacia tree to steady himself, he stood upright, while +B1ink, on her hind legs, scratched at the wall, whining and sniffing his feet. +Encouraged by the low murmur of astonishment, which swelled idly +into a shrill cheer, Mr. Lavender removed his hat, and spoke as follows: + +"Fellow Britons, at this crisis in the history of our country I make no +apology for addressing myself to the gathering I see around me. Here, in +the cradle of patriotism and the very heart of Movements, I may safely +assume that you are aware of the importance of Man-power. At a moment +when every man of a certain age and over is wanted at the front, and +every woman of marrigeable years is needed in hospitals, in factories, on +the land, or where not, we see as never before the paramount necessity of +mobilizing the forces racial progress and increasing the numbers of our +population. Not a man, not a woman can be spared from the great task in +which they are now engaged, of defeating the common enemy. Side by side +with our American cousins, with la belle France, and the Queen of the +Adriatic, we are fighting to avert the greatest menace which ever +threatened civilization. Our cruel enemies are strong and ruthless. +While I have any say in this matter, no man or woman shall be withdrawn +from the sacred cause of victory; better they should die to the last unit +than that we should take our hands from the plough. But, ladies and +gentlemen, we must never forget that in the place of every one who dies +we must put two. Do not be content with ordinary measures; these are no +piping times of peace. Never was there in the history of this country +such a crying need for--for twins, if I may put it picturesquely. In +each family, in each home where there are no families, let there be two +babies where there was one, for thus only can we triumph over the +devastation of this war." At this moment the now considerable audience, +which had hitherto been silent, broke into a shrill "'Ear, 'ear!" and Mr. +Lavender, taking his hand from the acacia branch to silence them, fell +off the wall into the garden. Seeing her master thus vanish, Blink, who +had never ceased to whine and sniff his toes, leaped over and landed on +his chest. Rising with difficulty, Mr. Lavender found himself in front +of an elderly man with a commercial cast of countenance, who said: +"You're trespassing!" + +"I am aware of it," returned Mr. Lavender and I beg your pardon. It was +quite inadvertent, however. + +"Rubbish!" said the man. + +"I fell off the wall." + +"Whose wall do you think it is?" said the man. + +"How should I know?" said Mr. Lavender; "I am a stranger." + +"Out you go," said the man, applying his boot to Blink. + +"Mr. Lavender's eyes blazed." You may insult me," he said, "but you must +not kick my dog, or I shall do you an injury. + +"Try!" said the man. + +"I will," responded Mr. Lavender, taking off his holland coat. + +To what extremities he would have proceeded cannot be told, for at this +moment the old lady who had taken him for a shepherd appeared on the +path, tapping her forehead with finger. + +"All right!" said the owner of the garden, "take him away." + +The old lady laced her hand within Mr. Lavender's arm. "Come with me, +sir," she said, "and your nice doggie." + +Mr. Lavender, whose politeness to ladies was invariable, bowed, and +resuming his coat accompanied her through the 'garden gate. "He kicked +my dog," he said; "no action could be more despicable." + +"Yes, yes," said the old lady soothingly. "Poor doggie!" + +The crowd, who had hoped for better things, here gave vent to a prolonged +jeer. + +"Stop!" said Mr. Lavender; "I am going to take a collection. + +"There, there!" said the old lady. "Poor man!" + +"I don't know what you mean by that, madam, said Mr. Lavender, whose +spirit was roused; "I shall certainly take a collection, in the interests +of our population. "So saying he removed his hat, and disengaging his +arm from the old lady's hand, moved out into the throng, extending the +hat. A boy took it from him at once, and placing it on his head, ran +off, pursued by Blink, who, by barking and jumping up increased the boy's +speed to one of which he could never have thought himself capable. Mr. +Lavender followed, calling out "Blink!" at the top of his voice. The +crowd followed Mr. Lavender, and the old lady followed crowd. Thus they +proceeded until the boy, arriving at a small piece of communal water, +flung the hat into the middle of it, and, scaling the wall, made a +strategic detour and became a disinterested spectator among the crowd. +The hat, after skimming the surface of the pond, settled like a water- +lily, crown downwards, while Blink, perceiving in all this the hand of +her master, stood barking at it wildly. Mr. Lavender arrived at the edge +of the pond slightly in advance of the crowd. + +"Good Blink!" he said. "Fetch it! Good Blink!" + +Blink looked up into his face, and, with the acumen for which her breed +is noted, perceiving he desired her to enter the water backed away from +it. + +"She is not a water dog," explained Mr. Lavender to the three soldiers in +blue clothes. + +"Good dog; fetch it!" Blink backed into the soldiers, who, bending down, +took her by head tail, threw her into the pond, and encouraged her on +with small stones pitched at the hat. Having taken the plunge, the +intelligent animal waded boldly to the hat, and endeavoured by barking +and making little rushes at it with her nose, to induce it to return to +shore. + +"She thinks it's a sheep," said Mr. Lavender; "a striking instance of +hereditary instinct." + +Blink, unable to persuade the hat, mounted it with her fore-paws and trod +it under. + +"Ooray!" shouted the crowd. + +"Give us a shilling, guv'nor, an' I'll get it for yer?" + +"Thank you, my boy," said Mr. Lavender, producing a shilling. + +The boy--the same boy who had thrown it in--stepped into the water and +waded towards the hat. But as he approached, Blink interposed between +him and the hat, growling and showing her teeth. + +"Does she bite?" yelled the boy. + +"Only strangers," cried Mr. Lavender. + +Excited by her master's appeal, Blink seized the jacket of the boy, who +made for the shore, while the hat rested in the centre of the pond, the +cynosure of the stones with which the soldiers were endeavouring to drive +it towards the bank. By this, time the old lady had rejoined Mr. +Lavender. + +"Your nice hat she murmured. + +"I thank you for your sympathy, madam," Lavender, running his hand +through his hair; "in moments like these one realizes the deep humanity +of the British people. I really believe that in no other race could you +find such universal interest and anxiety to recover a hat. Say what you +will, we are a great nation, who only, need rousing to show our best +qualities. Do you remember the words of the editor: 'In the spavined and +spatch-cocked ruin to which our inhuman enemies have reduced +civilization, we of the island shine with undimmed effulgence in all +those qualities which mark man out from the ravening beast'?" + +"But how are you going to get your hat?" asked the old lady. + +"I know not," returned Mr. Lavender, still under the influence of the +sentiment he had quoted; "but if I had fifteen hats I would take them all +off to the virtues which have been ascribed to the British people by all +those great men who have written and spoken since the war began." + +"Yes," said the old lady soothingly. "But, I think you had better come +under my sunshade. The sun is very strong." + +"Madam," said Mr. Lavender, "you are very good, but your sunshade is too +small. To deprive you of even an inch of its shade would be unworthy of +anyone in public life." So saying, he recoiled from the proffered +sunshade into the pond, which he had forgotten was behind him. + +"Oh, dear!" said the old lady; "now you've got your feet wet!" + +"It is nothing," responded Mr. Lavender gallantly. And seeing that he +was already wet, he rolled up his trousers, and holding up the tails of +his holland coat, turned round and proceeded towards his hat, to the +frantic delight of the crowd. + +"The war is a lesson to us to make little of little things, " he thought, +securing the hat and wringing it out. "My feet are wet, but--how much +wetter they would be in the trenches, if feet can be wetter than wet +through," he mused with some exactitude. "Down, Blink, down!" For Blink +was plastering him with the water-marks of joy and anxiety. "Nothing is +quite so beautiful as the devotion of one's own dog," thought Mr. +Lavender, resuming the hat, and returning towards the shore. The by-now- +considerable throng were watching him with every mark of acute enjoyment; +and the moment appeared to Mr. Lavender auspicious for addressing them. +Without, therefore, emerging from the pond, which he took for his, +platform, he spoke as follows: + +"Circumstances over which I have no control have given me the advantage +of your presence in numbers which do credit to the heart of the nation to +which we all belong. In the midst of the greatest war which ever +threatened the principle of Liberty, I rejoice to see so many people able +to follow the free and spontaneous impulses of their inmost beings. For, +while we must remember that our every hour is at the disposal of our +country, we must not forget the maxim of our fathers: 'Britons never will +be slaves.' Only by preserving the freedom of individual conscience, and +at the same time surrendering it whole-heartedly to every which the State +makes on us, can we hope defeat the machinations of the arch enemies of +mankind." + +At this moment a little stone hit him sharply on the hand. + +"Who threw that stone?" said Mr. Lavender. Let him stand out." + +The culprit, no other indeed than he who had thrown the hat in, and not +fetched it out for a shilling, thus menaced with discovery made use of a +masterly device, and called out loudly: + +"Pro-German!" + +Such was the instinctive patriotism of the crowd that the cry was taken +up in several quarters; and for the moment Mr. Lavender remained +speechless from astonishment. The cries of "Pro-German!" increased in +volume, and a stone hitting her on the nose caused Blink to utter a yelp; +Mr. Lavender's eyes blazed. + +"Huns!" he cried; "Huns! I am coming out." + +With this prodigious threat he emerged from the pond at the very moment +that a car scattered the throng, and a well-known voice said: + +"Well, sir, you 'ave been goin' it!" + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender, "don't speak to me!" + +"Get in." + +"Never!" + +"Pro-Germans!" yelled the crowd. + +"Get in!" repeated Joe. + +And seizing Mr. Lavender as if collaring him at football, he knocked off +his hat, propelled him into the car, banged the door, mounted, and +started at full speed, with Blink leaping and barking in front of them. + +Debouching from Piave Parade into Bottomley Lane he drove up it till the +crowd was but a memory before he stopped to examine the condition +his master. Mr. Lavender was hanging out of window, looking back, and +shivering violently. + +"Well, sir," said Joe. "I don't think!" + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender that crowd ought not to be at large. They were +manifestly Huns. + +"The speakin's been a bit too much for you, sir," said Joe. "But you've +got it off your chest, anyway." + +Mr. Lavender regarded him for a moment in silence; then putting his hand +to his throat, said hoarsely: + +"No, on my chest, I think, Joe. All public speakers do. It is +inseparable from that great calling." + +"'Alf a mo'!" grunted Joe, diving into the recesses beneath the driving- +seat. "'Ere, swig that off, sir. " + +Mr. Lavender raised the tumbler of fluid to his mouth, and drank it off; +only from the dregs left on his moustache did he perceive that it smelled +of rum and honey. + +"Joe," he said reproachfully, "you have made me break my pledge." + +Joe smiled. "Well, what are they for, sir? You'll sleep at 'ome to- +night." + +"Never," said Mr. Lavender. "I shall sleep at High Barnet; I must +address them there tomorrow on abstinence during the war." + +"As you please, sir. But try and 'ave a nap while we go along." And +lifting Blink into the car, where she lay drenched and exhausted by +excitement, with the petal of a purple flower clinging to her black nose, +he mounted to his seat and drove off. Mr. Lavender, for years +unaccustomed to spirituous liquor, of which he had swallowed nearly half +a pint neat, passed rapidly into a state of coma. Nor did he fully +regain consciousness till he awoke in bed the next morning. + + + + + +IV + +INTO THE DANGERS OF A PUBLIC LIFE + +"At what time is my meeting?" thought Mr. Lavender vaguely, gazing at the +light filtering through the Venetian blind. "Blink!" + +His dog, who was lying beside his bed gnawing a bone which with some +presence of mind she had brought in, raised herself and regarded him with +the innocence of her species. "She has an air of divine madness," +thought Mr. Lavender, which is very pleasing to me. I have a terrible +headache." And seeing a bellrope near his hand he pulled it. + +A voice said: "Yes, sir." + +"I wish to see my, servant, Joe Petty," said Lavender. "I shall not +require any breakfast thank you. What is the population of High Barnet?" + +"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, sir," answered the +voice, which seemed to be that of his housekeeper; "but you can't see +Joe; he's gone out with a flea in his ear. The idea of his letting you +get your feet wet like that! + +"How is this?" said Mr. Lavender. "I thought you were the chambermaid of +the inn at High Barnet?" + +"No, indeed," said Mrs. Petty soothingly, placing a thermometer in his +mouth. "Smoke that a minute, sir. Oh! look at what this dog's brought +in! Fie!" And taking the bone between thumb and finger she cast it out +of the window; while Blink, aware that she was considered in the wrong, +and convinced that she was in the right, spread out her left paw, laid +her head on her right paw, and pressed her chin hard against it. Mrs. +Petty, returning from the window, stood above her master, who lay gazing +up with the thermometer jutting out through the middle of his moustache. + +"I thought so!" she said, removing it; "a hundred and one. No getting up +for you, sir! That Joe!" + +"Mrs. Petty," said Mr. Lavender rather feebly, for his head pained him +excessively, "bring me the morning papers." + +"No, sir. The thermometer bursts at an an' ten. I'll bring you the +doctor." + +Mr. Lavender was about to utter a protest when he reflected that all +public men had doctors. + +"About the bulletin?" he said faintly. + +"What?" ejaculated Mrs. Petty, whose face seemed to Mr. Lavender to have +become all cheekbones, eyes, and shadows. Joe never said a about a +bullet. Where? and however did you get it in? + +"I did not say 'bullet in'," murmured Mr. Lavender closing his eyes! "I +said bulletin. They have it." + +At this mysterious sentence Mrs. Petty lifted her hands, and muttering +the word "Ravin'!" hastened from the room. No sooner had she gone, +however, than Blink, whose memory was perfect, rose, and going to the +window placed her forepaws on the sill. Seeing her bone shining on the +lawn below, with that disregard of worldly consequence which she shared +with all fine characters, she leaped through. The rattle of the Venetian +blind disturbed Mr. Lavender from the lethargy to which he had reverted. +"Mr. John Lavender passed a good night," he thought, "but his condition +is still critical." And in his disordered imagination he seemed to see +people outside Tube stations, standing stock-still in the middle of the +traffic, reading that bulletin in the evening papers. "Let me see," he +mused, "how will they run? To-morrow I shall be better, but not yet able +to leave my bed; the day after to-morrow I shall have a slight relapse, +and my condition will still give cause for anxiety; on the day following- +-What is that noise. For a sound like the whiffling of a wind through +dry sticks combined with the creaking of a saw had, impinged on his +senses. It was succeeded by scratching. "Blink!" said Mr. Lavender. +A heartrending whine came from outside the door. Mr. Lavender rose and +opened it. His dog came in carrying her bone, and putting it down by the +bed divided her attention between it and her master's legs, revealed by +the nightshirt which, in deference to the great Disraeli, he had never +abandoned in favour of pyjamas. Having achieved so erect a posture Mr. +Lavender, whose heated imagination had now carried him to the +convalescent stage of his indisposition, felt that a change of air would +do him good, and going to the window, leaned out above a lilac-tree. + +"Mr. John Lavender" he murmured, "has gone to his seat to recuperate +before resuming his public duties. + +While he stood there his attention was distracted by a tall young lady of +fine build and joyous colour, who was watering some sweet-peas in the +garden of the adjoining castle: Naturally delicate, Mr. Lavender at once +sought a jacket, and, having put it on, resumed his position at the +window. He had not watched her more than two minutes before he saw that +she was cultivating soil, and, filled with admiration, he leaned still +further out, and said: + +"My dear young madam, you are doing a great work." + +Thus addressed, the young lady, who had those roving grey eyes which see +everything and betoken a large nature not devoid of merry genius, looked +up and smiled. + +"Believe me," continued Mr. Lavender, "no task in these days is so +important as the cultivation of the soil; now that we are fighting to the +last man and the last dollar every woman and child in th islands should +put their hands to the plough. And at that word his vision became +feverishly enlarged, so that he seemed to see not merely the young lady, +but quantities of young ladies, filling the whole garden. + +"This," he went on, raising his voice, "is the psychological moment, the +turning-point in the history of these islands. The defeat of our common +enemies imposes on us the sacred duty of feeding ourselves once more. +'There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on +to---- Oh!" For in his desire to stir his audience, Mr. Lavender had +reached out too far, and losing foothold on his polished bedroom floor, +was slipping down into the lilac-bush. He was arrested by a jerk from +behind; where Blink, moved by this sudden elopement of her master, had +seized him by the nightshirt tails, and was staying his descent. + +"Is anything up?" said the young lady. + +"I have lost my balance," thickly answered Mr. Lavender, whose blood was +running to his head, which was now lower than his feet." Fortunately, my +dog seems to be holding me from behind. But if someone could assist her +it would be an advantage, for I fear that I am slipping." + +"Hold on!" cried the young lady. And breaking through the low privet +hedge which separated the domains, she vanished beneath him with a low +gurgling sound. + +Mr. Lavender, who dared not speak again for fear that Blink, hearing his +voice, might let go to answer, remained suspended, torn with anxiety +about his costume. "If she comes in," he thought, "I shall die from +shame. And if she doesn't, I shall die from a broken neck. What a +dreadful alternative! And he firmly grasped the most substantial lilac- +boughs within, his reach, listening with the ears of a hare for any sound +within the room, in which he no longer was to any appreciable extent. +Then the thought of what a public man should feel in his position came to +his rescue. "We die but once," he mused; "rather than shock that +charming lady let me seek oblivion." And the words of his obituary notice +at once began to dance before his eyes. "This great public servant +honoured his country no less in his death than in his life.' Then +striking out vigorously with his feet he launched his body forward. The +words "My goodness resounded above him, as all restraining influence was +suddenly relaxed; Mr. Lavender slid into the lilac-bush, turned heels +over head, and fell bump on the ground. He lay there at full, length, +conscious of everything, and especially of the faces of Blink and the +young lady looking down on him from the window. + +"Are you hurt?" she called. + +"No," said Mr. Lavender that is--er--yes," he added, ever scrupulously +exact. + +"I'm coming down," said the young lady. + +"Don't move!" + +With a great effort Mr. Lavender arranged his costume, and closed his +eyes. " How many lie like this, staring at the blue heavens!" he +thought. + +"Where has it got you?" said a voice; and he saw the young lady bending +over him. + +"'In the dorsal region, I think," said Mr. Lavender. "But I suffer more +from the thought that I--that you--" + +"That's all right," said the young lady; "I'm a V.A.D. It WAS a bump! +Let's see if you can----" and taking his hands she raised him to a +sitting posture. "Does it work?" + +"Yes," said Mr. Lavender rather faintly. + +"Try and stand," said the young lady, pulling. + +Mr. Lavender tried, and stood; but no, sooner was he on his feet than +she turned her face away. Great tears rolled down her cheeks; and she +writhed and shook all over. + +"Don't!" cried Mr. Lavender, much concerned. "I beg you not to cry. +It's nothing, I assure you--nothing!" The young lady with +an effort controlled her emotion, and turned her large grey eyes on him. + +"The angelic devotion of nurses!" murmured Mr. Lavender, leaning against +the wall of the house with his hand to his back. "Nothing like it has +been seen since the world began." + +"I shall never forget the sight!" said the young lady, choking. + +Mr. Lavender, who took the noises she made for sobbing, was unutterably +disturbed. + +"I can't bear to see you distressed on my account," he said. "I am quite +well, I assure you; look--I can walk!" And he started forth up the +garden in his nightshirt and Norfolk jacket. When he turned round she +was no longer there, sounds of uncontrollable emotion were audible from +the adjoining garden. Going to the privet hedge, he looked aver. She +was lying gracefully on the grass, with her face smothered in her hands, +and her whole body shaking. "Poor thing!" thought Mr. Lavender. "No +doubt she is one of those whose nerves have been destroyed by the +terrible sights she has seen!" But at that moment the young lady rose +and ran as if demented into her castle. Mr. Lavender stayed transfixed. +"Who would not be ill for the pleasure of drinking from a cup held by her +hand?" he thought. "I am fortunate to have received injuries in trying +to save her from confusion. Down, Blink, down!" + +For his dog, who had once more leaped from the window, was frantically +endeavouring to lick his face. Soothing her, and feeling his anatomy, +Mr. Lavender became conscious that he was not alone. An old lady was +standing on the gardenpath which led to the front gate, holding in her +hand a hat. Mr. Lavender sat down at once, and gathering his nightshirt +under him, spoke as follows: + +"There are circumstances, madam, which even the greatest public servants +cannot foresee, and I, who am the humblest of them, ask you to forgive me +for receiving you in this costume." + +"I have brought your hat back, " said the old lady with a kindling eye; +"they told me you lived here and I was anxious to know that you and your +dear dog were none the worse. + +"Madam," replied Mr. Lavender, "I am infinitely obliged to you. Would +you very kindly hang my, hat up on the--er--weeping willow. tree?" + +At this moment a little white dog, who accompanied the old lady, began +sniffing round Mr. Lavender, and Blink, wounded in her proprietary +instincts, placed her paws at once on her master's shoulders, so that he +fell prone. When he recovered a sitting posture neither the old lady nor +the little dog were in sight, but his hat was hanging on a laurel bush. +"There seems to be something fateful about this morning," he mused; "I +had better go in before the rest of the female population----" and +recovering his feet with difficulty, he took his hat, and was about to +enter the house when he saw the young lady watching him from an upper +window of the adjoining castle. Thinking to relieve her anxiety, he said +at once: + +"My dear young lady, I earnestly beg you to believe that such a thing +never happens to me, as a rule." + +Her face was instantly withdrawn, and, sighing deeply, Mr. Lavender +entered the house and made his way upstairs. " Ah!" he thought, +painfully recumbent in his bed once more, "though my bones ache and my +head burns I have performed an action not unworthy of the traditions of +public life. There is nothing more uplifting than to serve Youth and +Beauty at the peril of one's existence. Humanity and Chivalry have ever +been the leading characteristics of the British race;" and, really half- +delirious now, he cried aloud: "This incident will for ever inspire those +who have any sense of beauty to the fulfilment of our common task. +Believe me, we shall never sheathe the sword until the cause of humanity +and chivalry is safe once more." + +Blink, ever uneasy about sounds which seemed to her to have no meaning, +stood up on her hind legs and endeavoured to stay them by licking his +face; and Mr. Lavender, who had become so stiff that he could not stir +without great pain, had to content himself by moving his head feebly from +side to side until his dog, having taken her fill, resumed the +examination of her bone. Perceiving presently that whenever he began to- +talk she began to lick his face, he remained silent, with his mouth open +and his eyes shut, in an almost unconscious condition, from which he was +roused by a voice saying: + +"He is suffering from alcoholic poisoning." + +The monstrous injustice of these words restored his faculties, and seeing +before him what he took to be a large concourse of people-- composed in +reality of Joe Petty, Mrs. Petty, and the doctor--he thus addressed them +in a faint, feverish voice: + +"The pressure of these times, ladies and gentlemen, brings to the fore +the most pushing and obstreperous blackguards. We have amongst us +persons who, under the thin disguise of patriotism, do not scruple to +bring hideous charges against public men. Such but serve the blood- +stained cause of our common enemies. Conscious of the purity of our +private lives, we do not care what is said of us so long as we can fulfil +our duty to our country. Abstinence from every form of spirituous liquor +has been the watchword of all public men since this land was first +threatened by the most stupendous cataclysm which ever hung over the +heads of a great democracy. We have never ceased to preach the need for +it, and those who say the contrary are largely Germans or persons lost to +a sense of decency." So saying, he threw off all the bedclothes, and +fell back with a groan. + +"Easy, easy, my dear sir!" said the voice. + +"Have you a pain in your back?" + +"I shall not submit," returned our hero, "to the ministrations of a Hun; +sooner will I breathe my last." + +"Turn him over," said the voice. And Mr. Lavender found himself on his +face. + +"Do you feel that?" said the voice. + +Mr. Lavender answered faintly into his pillow: + +"It is useless for you to torture me. No German hand shall wring from me +a groan." + +"Is there mania in his family?" asked the voice. At this cruel insult +Mr. Lavender, who was nearly smothered, made a great effort, and clearing +his mouth of the pillow, said: + +"Since we have no God nowadays, I call the God of my fathers to witness +that there is no saner public man than I." + +It was, however, his last effort, for the wriggle he had given to his +spine brought on a kind of vertigo, and he relapsed into unconsciousness. + + + + +V + +IS CONVICTED OF A NEW DISEASE + +Those who were assembled round the bed of Mr. Lavender remained for a +moment staring at him with their mouths open, while Blink growled faintly +from underneath. + +"Put your hand here," said the doctor at last. + +There is a considerable swelling, an appearance of inflammation, and the +legs are a curious colour. You gave him three-quarters of a tumbler of +rum--how much honey?" + +Thus addressed, Joe Petty, leaning his head a little to one side, +answered: + +"Not 'alf a pot, sir." + +"Um! There are all the signs here of something quite new. He's not had +a fall, has he?" + +"Has he?" said Mrs. Petty severely to her husband. + +"No," replied Joe. + +"Singular!" said the doctor. Turn him back again; I want to feel his +head. Swollen; it may account for his curious way of talking. Well, +shove in quinine, and keep him quiet, with hot bottles to his feet. I +think we have come on a new war disease. I'll send you the quinine. +Good morning. + +"Wot oh!" said Joe to his wife, when they were left alone with the +unconscious body of their master. "Poor old Guv.! Watch and pray!" + +"However could you have given him such a thing?" + +"Wet outside, wet your inside," muttered Joe sulkily, "'as always been my +motto. Sorry I give 'im the honey. Who'd ha' thought the product of an +'armless insect could 'a done 'im in like this?" + +Fiddle said Mrs. Petty. "In my belief it's come on through reading those +newspapers. If I had my way I'd bum the lot. Can I trust you to watch +him while I go and get the bottles filled?" + +Joe drooped his lids over his greenish eyes, and, with a whisk of her +head, his wife left the room. + +"Gawd 'elp us!" thought Joe, gazing at his unconscious master, and +fingering his pipe; "'ow funny women are! If I was to smoke in 'ere +she'd have a fit. I'll just 'ave a whiff in the window, though!" And, +leaning out, he drew the curtains to behind him and lighted his pipe. + +The sound of Blink gnawing her bone beneath the bed alone broke the +silence. + +"I could do with a pint o' bitter," thought Joe; and, noticing the form +of the weekly gardener down below, he said softly: + +"'Ello, Bob!" + +"'Ello?" replied the gardener. "'Ow's yours?" + +"Nicely." + +"Goin' to 'ave some rain?" + +"Ah!" + +"What's the, matter with that?" + +"Good for the crops." + +"Missis well?" + +"So, so." + +"Wish mine was." + +"Wot's the matter with her?" + +"Busy!" replied Joe, sinking his voice. Never 'ave a woman permanent; +that's my experience. + +The gardener did not reply, but stood staring at the lilac-bush below Joe +Petty's face. He was a thin man, rather like an old horse. + +"Do you think we can win this war?" resumed Joe. + +"Dunno," replied the gardener apathetically. + +"We seem to be goin' back nicely all the time." + +Joe wagged his head. "You've 'it it," he said. And, jerking his head +back towards the room behind him, "Guv'nor's got it now." + +"What?" + +"The new disease." + +"What new disease?" + +"Wy, the Run-abaht-an-tell-'em-'ow-to-do-it." + +"Ah!" + +"'E's copped it fair. In bed." + +"You don't say!" + +"Not 'alf!" Joe sank his voice still lower. "Wot'll you bet me I don't +ketch it soon?" + +The gardener uttered a low gurgle. + +"The cats 'ave been in that laylock," he replied, twisting off a broken +branch. "I'll knock off now for a bit o' lunch." + +But at that moment the sound of a voice speaking as it might be from a +cavern, caused him and Joe Petty to stare at each other as if petrified. + +"Wot is it?" whispered Joe at last. + +The gardener jerked his head towards a window on the ground floor. + +"Someone in pain," he said. + +"Sounds like the Guv'nor's voice." + +"Ah!" said the gardener. + +"Alf a mo'!" And, drawing in his head, Joe peered through the curtains. +The bed was empty and the door open. + +"Watch it! 'E's loose!" he called to the gardener, and descended the +stairs at a run. + +In fact, Mr. Lavender had come out of his coma at the words, " D'you +think we can win this war?" And, at once conscious that he had not read +the morning papers, had got out of bed. Sallying forth just as he was he +had made his way downstairs, followed by Blink. Seeing the journals +lying on the chest in the hall, he took all five to where he usually went +at this time of the morning, and sat down to read. Once there, the pain +he was in, added to the disorder occasioned in his brain by the five +leaders, caused him to give forth a summary of their contents, while +Blink pressed his knees with her chin whenever the rising of his voice +betokened too great absorption, as was her wont when she wanted him to +feed her. Joe Petty joined the gardener in considerable embarrassment. + +"Shan't I not 'alf cop it from the Missis?" he murmured. "The door's +locked." + +The voice of Mr. Lavender maintained its steady flow, rising and falling +with the tides of his pain and his feelings. "What, then, is our duty? +Is it not plain and simple? We require every man in the Army, for that +is the 'sine qua non' of victory. We must greatly reinforce the ranks of +labour in our shipyards--ships, ships, ships, always more ships; for +without them we shall infallibly be defeated. We cannot too often repeat +that we must see the great drama that is being played before our eyes +steadily, and we must see it whole.... Not a man must be taken from the +cultivation of our soil, for on that depends our very existence as a +nation. Without abundant labour of the right sort on the land we cannot +hope to cope with the menace of the pirate submarine. We must have the +long vision, and not be scuppered by the fears of those who would deplete +our most vital industry . . . . In munition works," wailed Mr. +Lavender's voice, as he reached the fourth leader, "we still require the +maximum of effort, and a considerable reinforcement of manpower will in +that direction be necessary to enable us to establish the 'overwhelming +superiority in the air and in guns which alone can ensure the defeat +of our enemies".... He reached the fifth in what was almost a scream. +"Every man up to sixty must be mobilized but here we would utter the most +emphatic caveat. In the end this war will be won by the country whose +financial position stands the strain best. The last copper bullet will +be the deciding factor. Our economic strength must on no account be +diminished. We cannot at this time of day afford to deplete the ranks of +trade and let out the very life-blood in our veins. "We must see," +groaned Mr. Lavender, "the problem steadily, and see it whole." + +"Poor old geyser!" said the gardener; "'e do seem bad." + +"Old me!" said Joe. + +"I'll get on the sill and see what I can do through the top o' the +window." + +He got up, and, held by the gardener, put his arm through. There was the +sound of considerable disturbance, and through the barking of Blink, Mr. +Lavender's voice was heard again: " Stanch in the middle of the +cataclysm, unruffled by the waters of heaven and hell, let us be captains +of our souls. Down, Blink, down!" + +"He's out!" said Joe, rejoining the gardener. "Now for it, before my +missis comes!" and he ran into the house. + +Mr. Lavender was walking dazedly in the hall with the journals held out +before him. + +"Joe," he said, catching sight of his servant, "get the car ready. +I must be in five places at once, for only thus can we defeat the +greatest danger which ever threatened the future of civilization." + +"Right-o, sir," replied Joe; and, waiting till his master turned round, +he seized him round the legs, and lifting that thin little body ascended +the stairs, while Mr. Lavender, with the journals waving fanlike in his +hands, his white hair on end, and his legs kicking, endeavoured to turn +his head to see what agency was moving him. + +At the top of the stairs they came on Mrs. Petty, who, having Scotch +blood in her veins, stood against the wall to let them pass, with a hot +bottle in either hand. Having placed Mr. Lavender in his bed and drawn +the clothes up to his eyes, Joe Petty passed the back of his hand across +his brow, and wrung it out. + +"Phew!" he gasped; "he's artful!" + +His wife, who had followed them in, was already fastening her eyes on the +carpet. + +"What's that?" she said, sniffing. + +"That?" repeated Joe, picking up his pipe; "why, I had to run to ketch +'im, and it fell out o' me pocket." + +"And lighted itself," said Mrs. Petty, darting, at the floor and taking +up a glowing quid which had burned a little round hole in the carpet. +"You're a pretty one!" + +"You can't foresee those sort o' things," said Joe. + +"You can't foresee anything," replied his wife; "you might be a +Government. Here! hold the clothes while I get the bottles to his feet. +Well I never! If he hasn't got----" And from various parts of Mr. +Lavender's body she recovered the five journals. "For putting things in +the wrong place, Joe Petty, I've never seen your like!" + +"They'll keep 'im warm," said Joe. + +Mr. Lavender who, on finding himself in bed, had once more fallen into a +comatose condition, stirred, and some words fell from his lips. "Five in +one, and one in five." + +"What does he say?" said Mrs. Petty, tucking him up. + +"It's the odds against Candelabra for the Derby." + +"Only faith," cried Mr. Lavender, " can multiply exceedingly." + +"Here, take them away!" muttered Mrs. Petty, and dealing the journals a +smart slap, she handed them to Joe. + +"Faith!" repeated Mr. Lavender, and fell into a doze. + +"About this new disease," said Joe. "D'you think it's ketchin'? I feel +rather funny meself." + +"Stuff!" returned his wife. "Clear away those papers and that bone, and +go and take Blink out, and sit on a seat; it's all you're fit for. Of +all the happy-go-luckys you're the worst." + +"Well, I never could worry," said Joe from the doorway; "'tisn't in me. +So long!" + +And, dragging Blink by the collar, he withdrew. + +Alone with her patient, Mrs. Petty, an enthusiast for cleanliness and +fresh air, went on her knees, and, having plucked out the charred ring of +the little hole in the carpet, opened the window wider to rid the room of +the smell of burning. "If it wasn't for me," she thought, leaning out +into the air, "I don't know what'd become of them. + +A voice from a few feet away said: + +"I hope he's none the worse. What does the doctor say?" + +Looking round in astonishment, Mrs. Petty saw a young lady leaning out of +a window on her right. + +"We can't tell at present," she said, with a certain reserve he is going +on satisfactory. + +"It's not hydrophobia, is it?" asked the young lady. "You know he fell +out of the window? + +"What!" ejaculated Mrs. Petty. + +"Where the lilac's broken. If I can give you a hand I shall be very +glad. I'm a V.A.D." + +"Thank you, I'm sure," said Mrs. Petty stiffly, for the passion of +jealousy, to which she was somewhat prone, was rising in her, "there is +no call." And she thought, "V.A. indeed! I know them." + +Poor dear said the young lady. "He did come a bump. It was awfully +funny! Is he--er----?" And she touched her forehead, where tendrils of +fair hair were blowing in the breeze. + +Inexpressibly outraged by such a question concerning one for whom she had +a proprietary reverence, Mrs. Petty answered acidly: + +"Oh dear no! He is much wiser than some people!" + +"It was only that he mentioned the last man and the last dollar, you +know," said the young lady, as if to herself, "but, of course, that's no +real sign." And she uttered a sudden silvery laugh. + +Mrs. Petty became aware of something tickling her left ear, and turning +round, found her master leaning out beside her, in his dressing-gown. + +Leave me, Mrs. Petty," he said with such dignity that she instinctively +recoiled. "It may seem to you," continued Mr. Lavender, addressing the +young lady, "indelicate on my part to resume my justification, but as a +public man, I suffer, knowing that I have committed a breach of decorum." + +"Don't you think you ought to keep quiet in bed?" Mrs. Petty heard the +young lady ask. + +"My dear young lady, "Mr. Lavender replied, "the thought of bed is +abhorrent to me at a time like this. What more ignoble fate than to die +in, one's bed? + +"I'm only asking you to live in it," said the young lady, while Mrs. +Petty grasped her master by the skirts of his gown. + +"Down, Blink, down!" said Mr. Lavender, leaning still further out. + +"For pity's sake, " wailed the young lady, don't fall out again, or I +shall burst." + +"Ah, believe me," said Mr. Lavender in a receding voice, "I would not +pain you further for the world----" + +Mrs. Petty, exerting all her strength, had hauled him in. + +"Aren't you ashamed of yourself, sir," she said severely, "talking to a +young lady like that in your dressing-gown? + +"Mrs. Petty," said Mr Lavender mysteriously, "it might have been +worse.... I should like some tea with a little lemon in it. + +Taking this for a sign of returning reason Mrs. Petty drew him gently +towards the bed, and, having seen him get in, tucked him up and said: + +"Now, sir, you never break your word, do you?" + +"No public man----" began Mr. Lavender. + +"Oh, bother! Now, promise me to stay quiet in bed while I get you that +tea." + +"I certainly shall," replied our hero, "for I feel rather faint." + +"That's right," said Mrs. Petty. "I trust you." And, bolting the +window, she whisked out of the room and locked the door behind her. + +Mr. Lavender lay with his eyes fixed on the, ceiling, clucking his +parched tongue. "God," he thought, "for one must use that word when the +country is in danger--God be thanked for Beauty! But I must not allow it +to unsteel my soul. Only when the cause of humanity has triumphed, and +with the avenging sword and shell we have exterminated that criminal +nation, only then shall I be entitled to let its gentle influence creep +about my being." And drinking off the tumbler of tea which Mrs. Petty +was holding to his lips, he sank almost immediately into a deep slumber. + + + + +VI + +MAKES A MISTAKE, AND MEETS A MOON-CAT + +The old lady, whose name was Sinkin, and whose interest in Mr. Lavender +had become so deep, lived in a castle in Frognal; and with her lived her +young nephew, a boy of forty-five, indissolubly connected with the Board +of Guardians. It was entirely due to her representations that he +presented himself at Mr. Lavender's on the following day, and, sending in +his card, was admitted to our hero's presence. + +Mr. Lavender, pale and stiff, was sitting in his study, with Blink on his +feet, reading a speech. + +"Excuse my getting up, sir," he said; "and pray be seated." + +The nephew, who had a sleepy, hairless face and little Chinese eyes, +bowed, and sitting down, stared at Mr. Lavender with a certain +embarrassment. + +"I have come," he said at last, "to ask you a few questions on behalf +of----" + +"By all means," said Mr. Lavender, perceiving at once that he was being +interviewed. "I shall be most happy to give you my views. Please take a +cigarette, for I believe that is usual. I myself do not smoke. If it is +the human touch you want, you may like to know that I gave it up when +that appeal in your contemporary flooded the trenches with cigarettes and +undermined the nerves of our heroes. By setting an example of +abstinence, and at the same time releasing more tobacco for our men, +I felt that I was but doing my duty. Please don't mention that, though. +And while we are on the personal note, which I sincerely deprecate, you +might like to stroll round the room and look at the portrait of my +father, behind the door, and of my mother, over the fireplace. Forgive +my not accompanying you. The fact is--this is an interesting touch--I +have always been rather subject to lumbago." And seeing the nephew +Sinkin, who had risen to his suggestion, standing somewhat irresolutely +in front of him, he added: "Perhaps you would like to look a little more +closely at my eyes. Every now and then they flash with an almost uncanny +insight." For by now he had quite forgotten his modesty in the +identification he felt with the journal which was interviewing him." +I am fifty-eight, " he added quickly; "but I do not look my years, though +my hair, still thick and full of vigour, is prematurely white--so often +the case with men whose brains are. continually on the stretch. The +little home, far from grandiose, which forms the background to this most +interesting personality is embowered in trees. Cats have made their mark +on its lawns, and its owner's love of animals was sharply illustrated by +the sheep-dog which lay on his feet clad in Turkish slippers. Get up, +Blink!" + +Blink, disturbed by the motion of her master's feet, rose and gazed long +into his face. + +"Look!" said Mr. Lavender," she has the most beautiful eyes in the +world." + +At this remark, which appeared to him no saner than the others he had +heard--so utterly did he misjudge Mr. Lavender's character--the nephew +put down the notebook he had taken out of his pocket, and said: + +"Has there ever been anything--er--remarkable about your family?" + +"Indeed, yes," said Mr. Lavender. Born of poor but lofty parentage in +the city of Rochester, my father made his living as a publisher; my +mother was a true daughter of the bards, the scion of a stock tracing its +decent from the Druids; her name was originally Jones." + +"Ah!" said the nephew Sinkin, writing. + +"She has often told me at her knee," continued Mr. Lavender, "that there +was a strong vein of patriotism in her family." + +"She did not die--in--in----" + +"No, indeed," interrupted Mr. Lavender; she is still living there." + +"Ah!" said the nephew. "And your brothers and sisters?" + +"One of my brothers," replied Mr. Lavender, with pardonable pride, "is +the editor of Cud Bits. The other is a clergyman." + +"Eccentric," murmured the nephew absently. "Tell me, Mr. Lavender, do +you find your work a great strain? Does it----" and he touched the top +of his head, covered with moist black hair. + +Mr. Lavender sighed. "At a time like this," he said, "we must all be +prepared to sacrifice our health. No public man, as you know, can call +his head his own for a moment. I should count myself singularly lacking +if I stopped to consider--er--such a consideration." + +Consider--er--such a consideration," repeated the nephew, jotting it +down. + +"He carries on," murmured Mr. Lavender, once more identifying himself +with the journal, "grappling with the intricacies of this enormous +problem; happy in the thought that nothing--not even reason itself--is +too precious to sacrifice on the altar of his duty to his country. The +public may rest confident in the knowledge that he will so carry on till +they carry him out on his shield." And aware subconsciously that the +interview could go no further than that phrase, Mr. Lavender was silent, +gazing up with rather startled eyes. + +"I see," said the nephew; "I am very much obliged to you. Is your dog +safe?" For Blink had begun to growl in a low and uneasy manner. + +"The gentlest creature in the world," replied Lavender, "and the most +sociable. I sometimes think," he went on in a changed voice, "that we +have all gone mad, and that animals alone retain the sweet reasonableness +which used to be esteemed a virtue in human society. Don't take that +down," he added quickly, "we are all subject to moments of weakness. It +was just an 'obiter dictum'." + +"Make your mind easy," said the nephew, rising, "it does not serve my +purpose. Just one thing, Mr. Lavender." + +At this moment Blink, whose instinct had long been aware of some sinister +purpose in this tall and heavy man, whose trousers did not smell of dogs, +seeing him approach too near, bit him gently in the calf. + +The nephew started back. "She's bitten me!" he said, in a hushed voice. + +"My God!" ejaculated Mr. Lavender and falling back again, so stiff was +he. "Is it possible? There must be some good reason. Blink!" + +Blink wagged her little tail, thrust her nose into his hand, removed it, +and growled again. + +"She is quite well, I assure you," Mr. Lavender added hastily, "her nose +is icy." + +"She's bitten me," repeated the nephew, pulling up his trouser leg. +"There's no mark, but she distinctly bit me." + +"Treasure!" said Mr. Lavender, endeavouring to interest him in the dog. +"Do you notice how dark the rims of her eyes are, and how clear the +whites? Extraordinarily well bred. Blink!" + +Aware that she was being talked of Blink cont1inued to be torn between +the desire to wag her tail and to growl. Unable to make up her mind, she +sighed heavily and fell on her side against her side against her master's +legs. + +"Wonderful with sheep, too," said Mr. Lavender; "at least, she would be +if they would let her.... You should see her with them on the Heath. +They simply can't bear her." + +"You will hear from me again," said the nephew sourly. + +"Thank you," said Mr. Lavender. "I shall be glad of a proof; it is +always safer, I believe." + +"Good morning," said the nephew. + +Blink, who alone perceived the dark meaning in these words, seeing him +move towards the door began to bark and run from side to side behind him, +for all the world as if he had been a flock of sheep. + +"Keep her off!" said the nephew anxiously. "Keep her off. I refuse to +be bitten again." + +"Blink!" called Mr. Lavender in some agony. Blink, whose obedience was +excessive, came back to him at once, and stood growling from under her +master's hand, laid on the white hair which flowed back from her collar, +till the nephew's footsteps had died away. "I cannot imagine," thought +Mr. Lavender, "why she should have taken exception to that excellent +journalist. Perhaps he did not smell quite right? One never knows." + +And with her moustachioed muzzle pressed to his chin Mr. Lavender sought +for explanation in the innocent and living darkness of his dog's eyes.... + +On leaving Mr. Lavender's the nephew forthwith returned to the castle in +Frognal, and sought his aunt. + +"Mad as a March hare, Aunt Rosie; and his dog bit me." + +"That dear doggie?" + +"They're dangerous." + +"You were always funny about dogs, dear, said his aunt soothingly." Why, +even Sealey doesn't really like you. "And calling to the little low +white dog she quite failed to attract his attention. "Did you notice his +dress. The first time I took him for a shepherd, and the second time---! +What do you think ought to be done?" + +"He'll have to be watched," said the nephew. "We can't have lunatics at +large in Hampstead." + +"But, Wilfred," said the old lady, "will our man-power stand it? +Couldn't they watch each other? Or, if it would be any help, I could +watch him myself. I took such a fancy to his dear dog." + +"I shall take steps," said the nephew. + +"No, don't do that. I'll go and call on the people, next door. Their +name is Scarlet. They'll know about him, no doubt. We mustn't do +anything inconsiderate. + +The nephew, muttering and feeling his calf, withdrew to his study. And +the old lady, having put on her bonnet, set forth placidly, unaccompanied +by her little white dog. + +On arriving at the castle embedded in acacias and laurustinus she asked +of the maid who opened: + +Can I see Mrs. Scarlet? " + +"No," replied the girl dispassionately; "she's dead." + +"Mr. Scarlet, then?" + +"No," replied the girl he's a major." + +"Oh, dear!" said the old lady. + +"Miss Isabel's at home," said the girl, who appeared, like so many people +in time of war, to be of a simple, plain-spoken nature; "you'll find her +in the garden." And she let the old lady out through a French window. + +At the far end, under an acacia, Mrs. Sinkin could see the form of a +young lady in a blue dress, lying in a hammock, with a cigarette between +her lips and a yellow book in her hands. She approached her thinking, +"Dear me! how comfortable, in these days!" And, putting her head a +little on one side, she said with a smile: "My name is Sinkin. I hope +I'm not disturbing you. + +The young lady rose with a vigorous gesture. + +"Oh, no! Not a bit." + +"I do admire some people," said the old lady; they seem to find time for +everything." + +The young lady stretched herself joyously. + +"I'm taking it out before going to my new hospital. Try it," she said +touching the hammock; "it's not bad. Will you have a cigarette?" + +"I'm afraid I'm too old for both," said the old lady, "though I've often +thought they must be delightfully soothing. I wanted to speak to you +about your neighbour." + +The young lady rolled her large grey eyes. "Ah!" she said, "he's +perfectly sweet." + +"I know," said the old lady, "and has such a dear dog. My nephew's very +interested in them. You may have heard of him--Wilfred Sinkin--a very +clever man; on so many Committees." + +"Not really?" said the young lady. + +"Oh, yes! He has one of those heads which nothing can disturb; so +valuable in these days." + +"And what sort of a heart?" asked the young lady, emitting a ring of +smoke. + +"Just as serene. I oughtn't to say so, but I think he's rather a +wonderful machine." + +"So long as he's not a doctor! You can't think how they get on your +nerves when they're, like that. I've bumped up against so many of them. +They fired me at last!" + +"Really? Where? I thought they only did that to the dear horses. Oh, +what a pretty laugh you have! It's so pleasant to hear anyone laugh, in +these days." + +"I thought no one did anything else! I mean, what else can you do, +except die, don't you know?" + +"I think that's rather a gloomy view," said the old lady placidly. But +about your neighbour. What is his name?" + +"Lavender. But I call him Don Pickwixote." + +"Dear me, do you indeed? Have you noticed anything very eccentric about +him?" + +"That depends on what you call eccentric. Wearing a nightshirt, for +instance? I don't know what your standard is, you see." + +The old lady was about to reply when a voice from the adjoining garden +was heard saying: + +"Blink! Don't touch that charming mooncat!" + +"Hush!" murmured the young lady; and seizing her visitor's arm, she drew +her vigorously beneath the acacia tree. Sheltered from observation by +those thick and delicate branches, they stooped, and applying their eyes +to holes in the privet hedge, could see a very little cat, silvery-fawn +in colour and far advanced in kittens, holding up its paw exactly like a +dog, and gazing with sherry-coloured eyes at Mr. Lavender, who stood in +the middle of his lawn, with Blink behind him. + +"If you see me going to laugh," whispered the young lady, "pinch me +hard." + +"Moon-cat," repeated Mr. Lavender, "where have you come from? And what +do you want, holding up your paw like that? What curious little noises +you make, duckie!" The cat, indeed, was uttering sounds rather like a +duck. It came closer to Mr. Lavender, circled his legs, drubbed itself +against Blink's chest, while its tapered tail, barred with silver, +brushed her mouth. + +"This is extraordinary," they heard Mr. Lavender say; "I would stroke it +if I wasn't so stiff. How nice of you little moon-cat to be friendly to +my play-girl! For what is there in all the world so pleasant to see as +friendliness between a dog and cat!" + +At those words the old lady, who was a great lover of animals, was so +affected that she pinched the young lady by mistake. + +"Not yet!" whispered the latter in some agony. "Listen!" + +"Moon-cat," Mr. Lavender was saying, "Arcadia is in your golden eyes. +You have come, no doubt, to show us how far we have strayed away from +it." And too stiff to reach the cat by bending, Mr. Lavender let himself +slowly down till he could sit. "Pan is dead," he said, as he arrived on +the grass and crossed his feet, "and Christ is not alive. Moon-cat!" + +The little cat had put its head into his hand, while Blink was thrusting +her nose into his mouth. + +"I'm going to sneeze!" whispered the old lady, strangely affected. + +"Pull your upper lip down hard, like the German Empress, and count nine!" +murmured the young. + +While the old lady was doing this Mr. Lavender had again begun to speak. + +"Life is now nothing but explosions. Gentleness has vanished, and beauty +is a dream. When you have your kittens, moon-cat, bring them up in +amity, to love milk, dogs, and the sun." + +The moon-cat, who had now reached his shoulder, brushed the tip of her +tail across his loose right eyebrow, while Blink's jealous tongue avidly +licked his high left cheekbone. With one hand Mr. Lavender was cuddling +the cat's head, with the other twiddling Blink's forelock, and the +watchers could see his eyes shining, and his white hair standing up all +ruffled. + +"Isn't it sweet?" murmured the old lady. + +"Now pinch me!" whispered the young: Lower, harder! Oo!" + +"Ah! moon-cat," went on Mr. Lavender, "come and live with us. You shall +have your kittens in the bathroom, and forget this age of blood and +iron." + +Both the old lady and the young were removing moisture from their eyes +when, the voice of Mr. Lavender, very changed, recalled them to their +vigil. His face had become strained and troubled. + +"Never," he was saying, "will we admit that doctrine of our common +enemies. Might is not right gentlemen those who take the sword shall +perish by the sword. With blood and iron we will ourselves stamp out +this noxious breed. No stone shall be left standing, and no babe +sleeping in that abandoned country. We will restore the tide of +humanity, if we have to wade through rivers of blood across mountains of +iron." + +"Whom is he calling gentlemen?" whispered the old lady. + +But Blink, by anxiously licking Mr. Lavender's lips, had produced a +silence in which the young-lady did not dare reply. The sound of the +little cat's purring broke the hush. + +"Down, Blink, down!" said Mr. Lavender. + +Watch this little moon-cat and her perfect manners! We may all learn +from her how not to be crude. See the light shining through her pretty +ears!" + +The little cat, who had seen a bird, had left Mr. Lavender's shoulder, +and was now crouching and moving the tip of its tail from side to side. + +"She would like a bird inside her; but let us rather go and find her some +milk instead," said Mr. Lavender, and he began to rise. + +"Do you know, I think he's quite sane, whispered the old lady, "except, +perhaps, at intervals. What do you?" + +"Glorious print!" cried Mr. Lavender suddenly, for a journal had fallen +from his pocket, and the sight of it lying there, out of his reach, +excited him. "Glorious print! I can read you even from here. When the +enemy of mankind uses the word God he commits blasphemy! How different +from us!" And raising his eyes from the journal Mr. Lavender fastened +them, as it seemed to his anxious listeners, on the tree which sheltered +them. "Yes! Those unseen presences, who search out the workings of our +heart, know that even the most Jingo among us can say, 'I am not as they +are!' Come, mooncat!" + +So murmuring, he turned and moved towards the house, clucking with his +tongue, and followed by Blink. + +"Did he mean us?" said the old lady nervously. + +"No; that was one of his intervals. He's not mad; he's just crazy." + +"Is there any difference, my dear?" + +"Why, we're all crazy about something, you know; it's only a question of +what." + +"But what is his what?" + +"He's got a message. They're in the air, you know." + +"I haven't come across them," said the old lady. "I fear I live a very +quiet life--except for picking over sphagnum moss." + +"Oh, well! There's no hurry." + +"Well, I shall tell my nephew what I've seen," said the old lady. "Good- +bye." + +"Good-bye," responded the young; and, picking up her yellow book, she got +back into the hammock and relighted her cigarette. + + + + +VII + +SEES AND EDITOR, AND FINDS A FARMER + +Not for some days after his fall from the window did Mr. Lavender begin +to regain the elasticity of body necessary to the resumption of public +life. He spent the hours profitably, however, in digesting the +newspapers and storing ardour. On Tuesday morning, remembering that no +proof of his interview had yet been sent him, and feeling that he ought +not to neglect so important a matter, he set forth to the office of the +great journal from which, in the occult fashion of the faithful, he was +convinced the reporter had come. While he was asking for the editor in +the stony entrance, a young man who was passing looked at him attentively +and said: "Ah, sir, here you are! He's waiting for you. Come up, will +you?" + +Mr. Lavender followed up some stairs, greatly gratified at the thought +that he was expected. The young man led him through one or two swing +doors into an outer office, where a young woman was typing. + +Mr. Lavender shook his head, and sat down on the edge of a green leather +chair. The editor, resuming his seat, crossed his legs deferentially, +and sinking his chin again on his chest, began: + +"About your article. My only trouble, of course, is that I'm running +that stunt on British prisoners--great success! You've seen it, I +suppose?" + +"Yes, indeed," said Mr. Lavender; I read you every day. + +The editor made a little movement which showed that he was flattered, and +sinking his chin still further into his chest, resumed: + +"It might run another week, or it might fall down to-morrow--you never +can tell. But I'm getting lots of letters. Tremendous public interest." + +"Yes, yes," assented Mr. Lavender, "it's most important." + +"Of course, we might run yours with it," said the editor. "But I don't +know; I think it'd kill the other. Still----" + +"I shouldn't like----" began Mr. Lavender. + +"I don't believe in giving them more than they want, you know," resumed +the editor. "I think I'll have my news editor in," and he blew into a +tube. "Send me Mr. Crackamup. This thing of yours is very important, +sir. Suppose we began to run it on Thursday. Yes, I should think +they'll be tired of British prisoners by then." + +"Don't let me," began Mr. Lavender. + +The editor's eye became unveiled for the Moment. "You'll be wanting to +take it somewhere else if we----Quite! Well, I think we could run them +together. See here, Mr. Crackamup"--Mr. Lavender saw a small man like +Beethoven frowning from behind spectacles---- could we run this German +prisoner stunt alongside the British, or d'you think it would kill it?" + +Mr. Lavender almost rose from his chair in surprise. "Are you----" he +said; "is it----" + +The small man hiccoughed, and said in a raw voice: + +"The letters are falling off." + +"Ah!" murmured the editor, "I thought we should be through by Thursday. +We'll start this new stunt Thursday. Give it all prominence, Crackamup. +It'll focus fury. All to the good--all to the good. Opinion's ripe." +Then for a moment he seemed to hesitate, and his chin sank back on his +chest. "I don't know," he murmured of course it may----" + +"Please," began Mr. Lavender, rising, while the small man hiccoughed +again. The two motions seemed to determine the editor. + +"That's all right, sir, " he said, rising also; "that's quite all right. +We'll say Thursday, and risk it. Thursday, Crackamup. "And he held out +his hand to Mr. Lavender. "Good morning, sir, good morning. Delighted +to have seen you. You wouldn't put your name to it? Well, well, it +doesn't matter; only you could have written it. The turn of phrase-- +immense! They'll tumble all right!" And Mr. Lavender found himself, +with Mr. Crackamup, in the lobby. "It's bewildering," he thought, "how +quickly he settled that. And yet he had such repose. But is there some +mistake?" He was about to ask his companion, but with a distant hiccough +the small man had vanished. Thus deserted, Mr. Lavender was in two minds +whether to ask to be readmitted, when the four gentlemen with notebooks +repassed him in single file into the editor's room. + +"My name is Lavender," he said resolutely to the young woman. "Is that +all right?" + +"Quite," she answered, without looking up. + +Mr. Lavender went out slowly, thinking, "I may perhaps have said more in +that interview than I remember. Next time I really will insist on having +a proof. Or have they taken me for some other public man?" This notion +was so disagreeable, however, that he dismissed it, and passed into the +street. + +On Thursday, the day fixed for his fresh tour of public speaking, he +opened the great journal eagerly. Above the third column was the +headline: OUR VITAL DUTY: BY A GREAT PUBLIC MAN. "That must be it," he +thought. The article, which occupied just a column of precious space, +began with an appeal so moving that before he had read twenty lines Mr. +Lavender had identified himself completely with the writer; and if anyone +had told him that he had not uttered these sentiments, he would have +given him the lie direct. Working from heat to heat the article finished +in a glorious outburst with a passionate appeal to the country to starve +all German prisoners. + +Mr. Lavender put it down in a glow of exultation. "I shall translate +words into action," he thought; "I shall at once visit a rural district +where German prisoners are working on the land, and see that the farmers +do their duty. "And, forgetting in his excitement to eat his breakfast, +he put the journal in his pocket, wrapped himself in his dust-coat and +broad-brimmed hat, and went out to his car, which was drawn up, with +Blink, who had not forgotten her last experience, inside. + +"We will go to a rural district, Joe," he said, getting in. + +"Very good, sir," answered Joe ; and, unnoticed by the population, they +glided into the hazy heat of the June morning. + +"Well, what abaht it, sir?" said Joe, after they had proceeded for some +three hours. "Here we are." + +Mr. Lavender, who had been lost in the beauty of the scenes through which +he was passing, awoke from reverie, and said: + +"I am looking for German prisoners, Joe; if you see a farmer, you might +stop." + +"Any sort of farmer?" asked Joe. + +"Is there more than one sort?" returned Mr. Lavender, smiling. + +Joe cocked his eye. "Ain't you never lived in the country, sir?" + +"Not for more than a few weeks at a time, Joe, unless Rochester counts. +Of course, I know Eastbourne very well." + +"I know Eastbourne from the inside," said Joe discursively. "I was a +waiter there once." + +"An interesting life, a waiter's, Joe, I should think." + +"Ah! Everything comes to 'im who waits, they say. But abaht farmers-- +you've got a lot to learn, sir." + +"I am always conscious of that, Joe; the ramifications of public life are +innumerable." + +"I could give you some rummikins abaht farmers. I once travelled in +breeches." + +"You seem to have done a great many things Joe." + +"That's right, sir. I've been a sailor, a 'traveller,' a waiter, a +scene-shifter, and a shover, and I don't know which was the cushiest job. +But, talking of farmers: there's the old English type that wears +Bedfords--don't you go near 'im, 'e bites. There's the modern scientific +farmer, but it'll take us a week to find 'im. And there's the small- +'older, wearin' trahsers, likely as not; I don't think 'e'd be any use to +you. + +"What am I to do then?" asked Mr Lavender. + +"Ah!" said Joe, 'ave lunch." + +Mr. Lavender sighed, his hunger quarelling with his sense of duty. "I +should like to have found a farmer first," he said. + +"Well, sir, I'll drive up to that clump o'beeches, and you can have a +look round for one while I get lunch ready. + +"That will do admirably." + +There's just one thing, sir," said Joe, when his master was about to +start; "don't you take any house you come across for a farm. They're +mostly cottages o' gentility nowadays, in'abited by lunatics." + +"I shall be very careful," said Mr. Lavender. + +"This glorious land!" he thought, walking away from the beech clump, with +Blink at his heels; "how wonderful to see it being restored to its former +fertility under pressure of the war! The farmer must be a happy man, +indeed, working so nobly for his country, without thought of his own +prosperity. How flowery those beans look already!" he mused, glancing +at a field of potatoes. "Now that I am here I shall be able to combine +my work on German prisoners with an effort to stimulate food production. +Blink!" For Blink was lingering in a gateway. Moving back to her, Mr. +Lavender saw that the sagacious animal was staring through the gate at a +farmer who was standing in a field perfectly still, with his back turned, +about thirty yards away. + +"Have you----" Mr. Lavender began eagerly; "is it--are you employing any +German prisoners, sir?" + +The farmer did not seem to hear. "He must," thought Mr. Lavender, "be of +the old stolid English variety." + +The farmer, who was indeed attired in a bowler hat and Bedford cords, +continued to gaze over his land, unconscious of Mr. Lavender's presence. + +"I am asking you a question, sir," resumed the latter in a louder voice." +And however patriotically absorbed you may be in cultivating your soil, +there is no necessity for rudeness." + +The farmer did not move a muscle. + +"Sir," began Mr. Lavender again, very patiently, "though I have always +heard that the British farmer is of all men least amenable to influence +and new ideas, I have never believed it, and I am persuaded that if you +will but listen I shall be able to alter your whole outlook about the +agricultural future of this country." For it had suddenly occurred to +him that it might be a long time before he had again such an opportunity +of addressing a rural audience on the growth of food, and he was loth to +throw away the chance. The farmer, however, continued to stand with his +hack to the speaker, paying no more heed to his voice than to the buzzing +of a fly. + +"You SHALL hear me," cried Mr. Lavender, unconsciously miming a voice +from the past, and catching, as he thought, the sound of a titter, he +flung his hand out, and exclaimed: + +"Grass, gentlemen, grass is the hub of the matter. We have put our hand +to the plough"--and, his imagination taking flight at those words, he +went on in a voice calculated to reach the great assembly of farmers +which he now saw before him with their backs turned--"and never shall we +take it away till we have reduced every acre in the country to an arable +condition. In the future not only must we feed ourselves, but our dogs, +our horses, and our children, and restore the land to its pristine glory +in the front rank of the world's premier industry. But me no buts," he +went on with a winning smile, remembering that geniality is essential in +addressing a country audience, "and butter me no butter, for in future we +shall require to grow our margarine as well. Let us, in a word, put +behind us all prejudice and pusillanimity till we see this country of +ours once more blooming like one great cornfield, covered with cows. +Sirs, I am no iconoclast; let us do all this without departing in any way +from those great principles of Free Trade, Industrialism, and Individual +Liberty which have made our towns the largest, most crowded, and +wealthiest under that sun which never sets over the British Empire. We +do but need to see this great problem steadily and to see it whole, and +we shall achieve this revolution in our national life without the +sacrifice of a single principle or a single penny. Believe me, +gentlemen, we shall yet eat our cake and have it." + +Mr. Lavender paused for breath, the headlines of his great speech in +tomorrow's paper dancing before his eyes: "THE CLIMACTERIC--EATS CAKE AND +HAS IT--A GREAT CONCLUSION." The wind, which had risen somewhat during +Mr. Lavender's speech, fluttered the farmer's garments at this moment, so +that they emitted a sound like the stir which runs through an audience at +a moment of strong emotion. + +"Ah!" cried Mr. Lavender, "I see that I move you, gentlemen. Those have +traduced you who call you unimpressionable. After all, are you not the +backbone of this country up which runs the marrow which feeds the brain; +and shall you not respond to an appeal at once so simple and so +fundamental? I assure you, gentlemen, it needs no thought; indeed, the +less you think about it the better, for to do so will but weaken your +purpose and distract your attention. Your duty is to go forward with +stout hearts, firm steps, and kindling eyes; in this way alone shall we +defeat our common enemies. And at those words, which he had uttered at +the top of his voice, Mr. Lavender stood like a clock which has run down, +rubbing his eyes. For Blink, roaming the field during the speech, and +encountering quadruped called rabbit, which she had never seen before, +had backed away from it in dismay, brushed against the farmer's legs and +caused his breeches to fall down, revealing the sticks on which they had +been draped. When Mr. Lavender saw this he called out in a loud voice +Sir, you have deceived me. I took you for a human being. I now perceive +that you are but a selfish automaton, rooted to your own business, +without a particle of patriotic sense. Farewell!" + + + + +VIII + +STARVES SOME GERMANS + +After parting with the scarecrow Mr. Lavender who felt uncommonly hungry' +was about to despair of finding any German prisoners when he saw before +him a gravel-pit, and three men working therein. Clad in dungaree, and +very dusty, they had a cast of countenance so unmistakably Teutonic that +Mr. Lavender stood still. They paid little or no attention to him, +however, but went on sadly and silently with their work, which was that +of sifting gravel. Mr. Lavender sat down on a milestone opposite, and +his heart contracted within him. "They look very thin and sad," he +thought, "I should not like to be a prisoner myself far from my country, +in the midst of a hostile population, without a woman or a dog to throw +me a wag of the tail. Poor men! For though it is necessary to hate the +Germans, it seems impossible to forget that we are all human beings. +This is weakness," he added to himself, "which no editor would tolerate +for a moment. I must fight against it if I am to fulfil my duty of +rousing the population to the task of starving them. How hungry they +look already--their checks are hollow! I must be firm. Perhaps they +have wives and families at home, thinking of them at this moment. But, +after all, they are Huns. What did the great writer say? 'Vermin-- +creatures no more worthy of pity than the tiger or the rat.' How true! +And yet--Blink!" For his dog, seated on her haunches, was looking at him +with that peculiarly steady gaze which betokened in her the desire for +food. "Yes," mused Mr. Lavender, "pity is the mark of the weak man. It +is a vice which was at one time rampant in this country; the war has made +one beneficial change at least--we are moving more and more towards the +manly and unforgiving vigour of the tiger and the rat. To be brutal! +This is the one lesson that the Germans can teach us, for we had almost +forgotten the art. What danger we were in! Thank God, we have past +masters again among us now!" A frown became fixed between his brows. +"Yes, indeed, past masters. How I venerate those good journalists and +all the great crowd of witnesses who have dominated the mortal weakness, +pity. 'The Hun must and shall be destroyed--root and branch--hip and +thigh--bag and baggage man, woman, and babe--this is the sole duty of the +great and humane British people. Roll up, ladies and gentlemen, roll up! +Great thought--great language! And yet----" + +Here Mr. Lavender broke into a gentle sweat, while the Germans went on +sifting gravel in front of him, and Blink continued to look up into his +face with her fixed, lustrous eyes. "What an awful thing," he thought, +"to be a man. If only I were just a public man and could, as they do, +leave out the human and individual side of everything, how simple it +would be! It is the being a man as well which is so troublesome. A man +has feelings; it is wrong--wrong! There should be no connection whatever +between public duty and the feelings of a man. One ought to be able to +starve one's enemy without a quiver, to watch him drown without a wink. +In fact, one ought to be a German. We ought all to be Germans. Blink, +we ought all to be Germans, dear! I must steel myself!" And Mr. +Lavender wiped his forehead, for, though a great idea had come to him, he +still lacked the heroic savagery to put it into execution. "It is my +duty," he thought, "to cause those hungry, sad-looking men to follow me +and watch me eat my lunch. It is my duty. God give me strength! For +unless I make this sacrifice of my gentler nature I shall be unworthy to +call myself a public man, or to be reported in the newspapers. 'En +avant, de Bracy!'" So musing, he rose, and Blink with him. Crossing the +road, he clenched his fists, and said in a voice which anguish made +somewhat shrill: + +"Are you hungry, my friends? + +The Germans stopped sifting gravel, looked up at him, and one of them +nodded. + +"And thirsty?" + +This time they all three nodded. + +"Come on, then," said Mr. Lavender. + +And he led the way back along the road, followed by Blink and the three +Germans. Arriving at the beech clump whose great trees were already +throwing shadows, denoting that it was long past noon, Mr. Lavender saw +that Joe had spread food on the smooth ground, and was, indeed, just +finishing his own repast. + +"What is there to eat?" thought Mr. Lavender, with a soft of horror. +"For I feel as if I were about to devour a meal of human flesh." And he +looked round at the three Germans slouching up shamefacedly behind him. + +"Sit down, please," he said. The three men sat down. + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender to his surprised chauffeur, "serve my lunch. +Give me a large helping, and a glass of ale. "And, paler than his +holland dust-coat, he sat resolutely down on the bole of a beech, with +Blink on her haunches beside him. While Joe was filling a plate with +pigeon-pie and pouring out a glass of foaming Bass, Mr. Lavender stared +at the three Germans and suffered the tortures of the damned. "I will +not flinch," he thought; "God helping me, I certainly will not flinch. +Nothing shall prevent my going through with it." And his eyes, more +prominent than a hunted rabbit's, watched the approach of Joe with the +plate and glass. The three men also followed the movements of the +chauffeur, and it seemed to Mr. Lavender that their eyes were watering. +"Courage!" he murmured to himself, transfixing a succulent morsel with +his fork and conveying it to his lips. For fully a minute he revolved +the tasty mouthful, which he could not swallow, while the three men's +eyes watched him with a sort of lugubrious surprise. "If," he thought +with anguish, "if I were a prisoner in Germany! Come, come! One effort, +it's only the first mouthful!" and with a superhuman effort, he +swallowed. "Look at me!" he cried to the three ,Germans, "look at me! +I--I--I'm going to be sick!" and putting down his plate, he rose and +staggered forward. "Joe," he said in a dying voice, "feed these poor +men, feed them; make them drink; feed them!" And rushing headlong to the +edge of the grove, he returned what he had swallowed--to the great +interest of Brink. Then, waving away the approach of Joe, and consumed +with shame and remorse at his lack of heroism, he ran and hid himself in +a clump of hazel bushes, trying to slink into the earth. "No," he +thought; "no; I am not for public life. I have failed at the first test. +Was ever so squeamish an exhibition? I have betrayed my country and the +honour of public life. These Germans are now full of beer and pigeon- +pie. What am I but a poltroon, unworthy to lace the shoes of the great +leaders of my land? The sun has witnessed my disgrace." + +How long he stayed there lying on his face he did not know before he +heard the voice of Joe saying, "Wot oh, sir!" + +"Joe," replied Mr. Lavender faintly, "my body is here, but my spirit has +departed." + +"Ah!" said Joe, "a rum upset--that there. Swig this down, sir!" and he +held out to his master, a flask-cup filled with brandy. Mr. Lavender +swallowed it. + +"Have they gone?" he said, gasping. + +"They 'ave, sir," replied Joe, "and not 'alf full neither. Where did you +pick 'em up?" + +"In a gravel-pit, " said Mr. Lavender. "I can never forgive myself for +this betrayal of my King and country. I have fed three Germans. Leave +me, for I am not fit to mingle with my fellows." + +"Well, I don't think," said Joe. "Germans?" + +Gazing up into his face Mr. Lavender read the unmistakable signs of +uncontrolled surprise. + +"Why do you look at me like that?" he said. + +"Germans?" repeated Joe; "what Germans? Three blighters workin' on the +road, as English as you or me. Wot are you talkin' about, sir?" + +"What!" cried Mr. Lavender do you tell me they were not Germans?" + +"Well, their names was Tompkins, 'Obson, and Brown, and they 'adn't an +'aitch in their 'eads." + +"God be praised said Mr. Lavender. "I am, then, still an English +gentleman. Joe, I am very hungry; is there nothing left? " + +"Nothin' whatever, sir," replied Joe. + +"Then take me home," said Mr. Lavender; I care not, for my spirit has +come back to me." + +So saying, he rose, and supported by Joe, made his way towards the car, +praising God in his heart that he had not disgraced his country. + + + + +IX + +CONVERSES WITH A CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR + +"Yes," said Mr. Lavender, when they had proceeded some twenty miles along +the road for home, "my hunger is excessive. If we come across an hotel, +Joe, pull up." + +"Right-o, sir," returned Joe. "'Otels, ain't what they were, but we'll +find something. I've got your coupons." + +Mr. Lavender, who was seated beside his chauffeur on the driving-seat, +while Blink occupied in solitude the body of the car, was silent for a +minute, revolving a philosophic thought. + +"Do you find," he said suddenly, "that compulsory sacrifice is doing you +good, Joe?" + +"It's good for my thirst, sir," replied Joe. "Never was so powerful +thirsty in me life as I've been since they watered beer. There's just +'enough in it to tickle you. That bottle o' Bass you would 'ave 'ad at +lunch is the last of the old stock at 'ome, sir; an' the sight of it fair +gave me the wind up. To think those blighters 'ad it! Wish I'd known +they was Germans--I wouldn't 'ave weakened on it." + +"Do not, I beg," said Mr. Lavender, "remind me of that episode. I +sometimes think," he went on as dreamily as his hunger would permit, +"that being forced to deprive oneself awakens one's worst passions; that +is, of course, speaking rather as a man than a public man. What do you +think will happen, Joe, when we are no longer obliged to sacrifice +ourselves? + +"Do wot we've been doin all along-- sacrifice someone else," said Joe +lightly. + +"Be serious, Joe," said Mr. Lavender. + +"Well," returned Joe, "I don't know what'll 'appen to you, sir, but I +shall go on the bust permanent." + +Mr. Lavender sighed. "I do so wonder whether I shall, too," he said. + +Joe looked round at him, and a gleam of compassion twinkled in his +greenish eyes. "Don't you worry, sir," he said; "it's a question of +constitootion. A week'd sew you up." + +"A week!" said Mr. Lavender with watering lips, "I trust I may not forget +myself so long as that. Public men do not go 'on the bust,' Joe, as you +put it." + +"Be careful, sir! I can't drive with one eye." + +"How can they, indeed?" went on Mr. Lavender; "they are like athletes, +ever in training for their unending conflict with the national life." + +"Well," answered Joe indulgently, "they 'as their own kind of +intoxication, too--that's true; and the fumes is permanent; they're +gassed all the time, and chloroformed the rest. + +"I don't know to what you allude, Joe," said Mr. Lavender severely. + +"'Aven't you never noticed, sir, that there's two worlds--the world as it +is, and the world as it seems to the public man?" + +"That may be," said Mr. Lavender with some excitement. "But which is the +greater, which is the nobler, Joe? And what does the other matter? +Surely that which flourishes in great minds, and by their utterances is +made plain. Is it not better to live in a world where nobody shrinks +from being starved or killed so long as they can die for their kings and +countries, rather than in a world where people merely wish to live?" + +"Ah!" said Joe, "we're all ready to die for our countries if we've got +to. But we don't look on it, like the public speakers, as a picnic. +They're a bit too light-'earted." + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender, covering his ears, and instantly uncovering +them again, "this is the most horrible blasphemy I have ever listened +to." + +"I can do better than that, sir," answered Joe. "Shall I get on with +it?" + +"Yes," said Mr. Lavender, clenching his hands, "a public man shrinks from +nothing--not even from the gibes of his enemies." + +"Well, wot abaht it, sir? Look at the things they say, and at what +really is. Mind you, I'm not speakin' particular of the public men in +this country--or any other country; I'm speakin' of the lot of 'em in +every country. They're a sort of secret society, brought up on gas. And +every now and then someone sets a match to it, and we get it in the neck. +Look 'ere, sir. Dahn squats one on his backside an' writes something in +'igh words. Up pops another and says something in 'igher; an' so they go +on poppin' up an' squattin' dahn till you get an atmosphere where you +can't breathe; and all the time all we want is to be let alone, and 'uman +kindness do the rest. All these fellers 'ave got two weaknesses--one's +ideas, and the other's their own importance. They've got to be +conspicuous, and without ideas they can't, so it's a vicious circle. +When I see a man bein' conspicuous, I says to meself: 'Gawd 'elp us, we +shall want it!' And sooner or later we always do. I'll tell you what's +the curse of the world, sir; it's the gift of expressin' what ain't your +real feeling. And--Lord! what a lot of us 'ave got it!" + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender, whose eyes were almost starting from his head, +"your words are the knell of poetry, philosophy, and prose--especially of +prose. They are the grave of history, which, as you know, is made up of +the wars and intrigues which have originated in the brains of public men. +If your sordid views were true, how do you suppose for one minute that in +this great epic struggle we could be consoled by the thought that we are +'making history'? Has there been a single utterance of any note which +has not poured the balm of those words into our ears? Think how they +have sustained the widow and the orphan, and the wounded lying out in +agony under the stars. 'To make history,' 'to act out the great drama'-- +that thought, ever kept before us, has been our comfort and their stay. +And you would take it from us? Shame--shame!" repeated Mr. Lavender. +You would destroy all glamour, and be the death of every principle." + +"Give me facts," said Joe stubbornly, "an' you may 'ave my principles. +As to the other thing, I don't know what it is, but you may 'ave it, too. +And 'ere's another thing, sir: haven't you never noticed that when a +public man blows off and says something, it does 'im in? No matter what +'appens afterwards, he's got to stick to it or look a fool." + +"I certainly have not," said Mr. Lavender. I have never, or very seldom, +noticed that narrowness in public men, nor have I ever seen them 'looking +fools' as you rudely put it." + +"Where are your eyes, sir?" answered Joe; "where are your eyes? I give +you my word it's one or the other, though I admit they've brought +camouflage to an 'igh art. But, speaking soberly, sir, if that's +possible, public men are a good thing' and you can 'ave too much of it. +But you began it, sir," he added soothingly, "and 'ere's your hotel. +You'll feel better with something inside you." + +So saying, he brought the car to a standstill before a sign which bore +the words, "Royal Goat." + +Mr. Lavender, deep sunk in the whirlpool of feeling which had been +stirred in him by his chauffeur's cynicism, gazed at the square redbrick +building with bewildered eyes. + +"It's quite O. K.," said Joe; "I used to call here regular when I was +travellin' in breeches. Where the commercials are gathered together the +tap is good," he added, laying a finger against the side of his nose. +"And they've a fine brand of pickles. Here's your coupon." + +Thus encouraged, Mr. Lavender descended from the car, and, accompanied by +Blink, entered the hotel and sought the coffee-room. + +A maid of robust and comely appearance, with a fine free eye, divested +him of his overcoat and the coupon, and pointed to a table and a pale and +intellectual-looking young man in spectacles who was eating. + +"Have you any more beef?" said the latter without looking up. + +"No, sir," replied the maid. + +"Then bring me the ham and eggs," he added. + +"Here's another coupon--and anything else you've got." + +Mr. Lavender, whose pangs had leaped in him at the word "beef," gazed at +the bare bone of the beef-joint, and sighed. + +"I, too, will have some ham and a couple of poached eggs," he said. + +"You can have ham, sir," replied the maid, "but there are only eggs +enough for one." + +"And I am the one," said the young man, looking up for the first time. + +Mr. Lavender at once conceived an aversion from him; his appearance was +unhealthy, and his eyes ravened from behind the spectacles beneath his +high forehead. + +"I have no wish to deprive you of your eggs, sir," he said, "though I +have had nothing to eat all day." + +"I have had nothing to eat to speak of for six months," replied the young +man and in a fortnight's time I shall have nothing to eat again for two +years." + +Mr. Lavender, who habitually spoke, the truth, looked at him with a sort +of horror. But the young man had again concentrated his attention on his +plate. "How deceptive are appearances," thought Mr. Lavender; "one would +say an intellectual, not to say a spiritual type, and yet he eats like a +savage, and lies like a trooper!" And the pinchings of his hunger again +attacking him, he said rather acidly: + +May I ask you, sir, whether you consider it amusing to tell such untruths +to a stranger? + +The young man, who had finished what was on his plate, paused, and with a +faint smile said: + +"I spoke figuratively. You, sir, I expect, have never been in prison." + +At the word 'prison' Mr. Lavender's natural kindliness reasserted itself +at once. "Forgive me," he said gently; "please eat all the ham. I can +easily do with bread and cheese. I am extremely sorry you have had that +misfortune, and would on no account do anything which might encourage you +to incur it again. If it is a question of money or anything of that +sort," he went on timidly, "please command me. I abhor prisons; I +consider them inhuman; people should only be confined upon their honours. + +The young man's eyes kindled behind his spectacles. + +"I have been confined," he said, "not upon my honour, but because of my +honour; to break it in." + +"How is that?" cried Mr. Lavender, aghast, "to break it in?" + +"Yes," said the young man, cutting a large slice of bread, "there's no +other way of putting it with truth. They want me to go back on my word +to go back on my faith, and I won't. In a fortnight's time they'll gaol +me again, so I MUST eat--excuse me. I shall want all my strength." And +he filled his mouth too full to go on speaking. + +Mr. Lavender stared at him, greatly perturbed. + +How unjustly I judged him," he thought; and seeing that the maid had +placed the end of a ham before him he began carving off what little there +was left on it, and, filling a plate, placed it before the young man. +The latter thanked him, and without looking up ate rapidly on. Mr. +Lavender watched him with beaming eyes. "It's lovely to see him!" he +thought; "poor fellow!" + +"Where are the eggs?" said the young man suddenly. + +Mr. Lavender got up and rang the bell. + +"Please bring those eggs for him," he said. + +"Yes, sir," said the maid. "And what are you going to have? There's +nothing in the house now." + +Oh!" said Mr. Lavender, startled. "A cup of coffee and a slice of bread, +thank you. I can always eat at any time." + +The maid went away muttering to herself, and bringing the eggs, plumped +them down before the young man, who ate them more hastily than words +could tell. + +"I mean," he said, "to do all I can in this fort-night to build up my +strength. I shall eat almost continuously. They shall never break me." +And, reaching out, he took the remainder of the loaf. + +Mr. Lavender watched it disappear with a certain irritation which he +subdued at once. "How selfish of me," he thought, "even to think of +eating while this young hero is still hungry." + +"Are you, then," he said, "the victim of some religious or political +plot?" + +"Both," replied the young man, leaning back with a sigh of repletion, and +wiping his mouth. "I was released to-day, and, as I said, I shall be +court-martialled again to-day fortnight. It'll be two years this time. +But they can't break me." + +Mr. Lavender gasped, for at the word "courtmartialled" a dreadful doubt +had assailed him. + +"Are you," he stammered--"you are not--you cannot be a Conscientious +Objector?" + +"I can," said the young man. + +Mr. Lavender half rose in horror. + +"I don't approve," he ejaculated; "I do not approve of you." + +"Of course not," said the young man with a little smile at once proud and +sad who does? If you did I shouldn't have to eat like this, nor should I +have the consciousness of spiritual loneliness to sustain me. You look +on me as a moral outcast, as a leper. That is my comfort and my +strength. For though I have a genuine abhorrence of war, I know full +well that I could not stick this if it were not for the feeling that I +must not and will not lower myself to the level of mere opportunists like +you, and sink myself in the herd of men in the street." + +At hearing himself thus described Mr. Lavender flushed. + +"I yield to no one, he said, "in my admiration of principle. It is +because of my principles that I regard you as a----" + +"Shirker," put in the young man calmly. "Go on; don't mince words; we're +used to them." + +"Yes," said Mr. Lavender, kindling, "a shirker. Excuse me! A renegade +from the camp of Liberty, a deserter from the ranks of Humanity, if you +will pardon me." + +"Say a Christian, and have done with it," said the young man. + +"No," said Mr. Lavender, who had risen to his feet, "I will not go so far +as that. You are not a Christian, you are a Pharisee. I abhor you." + +"And I abhor you," said the young man suddenly. "I am a Christian +Socialist, but I refuse to consider you my brother. And I can tell you +this: Some day when through our struggle the triumph of Christian +Socialism and of Peace is assured, we shall see that you firebrands and +jingoes get no chance to put up your noxious heads and disturb the +brotherhood of the world. We shall stamp you out. We shall do you in. +We who believe in love will take jolly good care that you apostles of +hate get all we've had and more--if you provoke us enough that is." + +He stopped, for Mr. Lavender's figure had rigidified on the other side of +the table into the semblance of one who is about to address the House of +Lords. + +"I can find here," he cried, "no analogy with religious persecution. +This is a simple matter. The burden of defending his country falls +equally on every citizen. I know not, and I care not, what promises were +made to you, or in what spirit the laws of compulsory service were +passed. You will either serve or go to prison till you do. I am a plain +Englishman, expressing the view of my plain countrymen." + +The young man, tilting back in his chair, rapped on the table with the +handle of his dinner-knife. + +"Hear, hear!" he murmured. + +"And let me tell you this," continued Mr. Lavender, "you have no right to +put a mouthful of food between your lips so long as you are not prepared +to die for it. And if the Huns came here tomorrow I would not lift a +finger to save you from the fate you would undoubtedly receive." + +During this colloquy their voices had grown so loud that the maid, +entering in dismay, had gone into the bar and informed the company that a +Conscientious Objector had eaten all the food and was "carrying on +outrageous" in the coffee-room. On hearing this report those who were +assembled--being four commercial travellers far gone in liquor--taking up +the weapons which came nearest to hand--to wit, four syphons--formed +themselves two deep and marched into the coffee-room. Aware at once from +Mr. Lavender's white hair and words that he was not the Objector in +question, they advanced upon the young man, who was still seated, and +taking up the four points of the compass, began squirting him +unmercifully with soda-water. Blinded and dripping, the unfortunate +young fellow tried desperately to elude the cordon of his persecutors, +only to receive a fresh stream in his face at each attempt. Seeing him +thus tormented, amid the coarse laughter of these half-drunken +"travellers," Mr. Lavender suffered a moment of the most poignant +struggle between his principles and his chivalry. Then, almost +unconsciously grasping the ham-bone, he advanced and called out loudly: + +"Stop! Do not persecute that young man. You are four and he is one. +Drop it, I tell you--Huns that you are!" + +The commercial fellows, however, laughed; and this infuriating Mr. +Lavender, he dealt one of them a blow with the ham-bone, which, lighting +on the funny point of his elbow, caused him to howl and spin round the +room. One of the others promptly avenged him with a squirt of syphon in +Mr. Lavender's left eye; whereon he incontinently attacked them all, +whirling the ham-bone round his head like a shillelagh. And had it not +been that Blink and the maid seized his coat-tails he would have done +them severe injury. It was at this moment that Joe Petty, attracted by +the hullabaloo, arrived in the doorway, and running up to his master, +lifted him from behind and carried him from the room, still brandishing +the ham-bone and kicking out with his legs. Dumping him into the car, +Joe mounted hastily and drove off. Mr. Lavender sat for two or three +minutes coming to his senses before full realization of what he had done +dawned on him. Then, flinging the ham-bone from him, he sank back among +the cushions, with his chin buried on his chest. "What have I done?" he +thought over and over again. "What have I done? Taken up the bone for a +Conscientious Objector--defended a renegade against great odds! My God! +I am indeed less than a public man!" + +And in this state of utter dejection, inanition, and collapse, with Blink +asleep on his feet, he was driven back to Hampstead. + + + + +X + +DREAMS A DREAM AND SEES A VISION + +Though habitually abstemious, Mr. Lavender was so very hungry that +evening when he sat down to supper that he was unable to leave the +lobster which Mrs. Petty had provided until it was reduced to mere +integument. Since his principles prevented his lightening it with +anything but ginger-beer he went to bed in some discomfort, and, tired +out with the emotions of the day, soon fell into a heavy slumber, which +at dawn became troubled by a dream of an extremely vivid character. He +fancied himself, indeed, dressed in khaki, with a breastplate composed of +newspapers containing reports of speeches which he had been charged to +deliver to soldiers at the front. He was passing in a winged tank along +those scenes of desolation of which he had so often read in his daily +papers, and which his swollen fancy now coloured even more vividly than +had those striking phrases of the past, when presently the tank turned a +somersault, and shot him out into a morass lighted up by countless star- +shells whizzing round and above. In this morass were hundreds and +thousands of figures sunk like himself up to the waist, and waving their +arms above their heads. "These," thought Mr. Lavender, "must be the +soldiers I have come to speak to," and he tore a sheet off his +breastplate; but before he could speak from its columns it became thin +air in his hand; and he went on tearing off sheet after sheet, hoping to +find a speech which would stay solid long enough for him to deliver it. +At last a little corner stayed substantial in his hand, and he called out +in a loud voice: "Heroes!" + +But at the word the figures vanished with a wail, sinking into the mud, +which was left covered with bubbles iridescent in the light of the star- +shells. At this moment one of these, bursting over his head, turned into +a large bright moon; and Mr. Lavender saw to his amazement that the +bubbles were really butterflies, perched on the liquid moonlit mud, +fluttering their crimson wings, and peering up at him with tiny human +faces. "Who are you?" he cried; "oh! who are you?" The butterflies +closed their wings; and on each of their little faces came a look so sad +and questioning that Mr. Lavender's tears rolled down into his +breastplate of speeches. A whisper rose from them. "We are the dead." +And they flew up suddenly in swarms, and beat his face with their wings. + +Mr. Lavender woke up sitting in the middle of the floor, with light +shining in on him through a hole in the curtain, and Blink licking off +the tears which were streaming down his face. + +"Blink," he said, "I have had a horrible dream." And still conscious of +that weight on his chest, as of many undelivered speeches, he was afraid +to go back to bed; so, putting on some clothes, he went carefully +downstairs and out of doors into the morning. He walked with his dog +towards the risen sun, alone in the silvery light of Hampstead, +meditating deeply on his dream. "I have evidently," he thought, "not yet +acquired that felicitous insensibility which is needful for successful +public speaking. This is undoubtedly the secret of my dream. For the +sub-conscious knowledge of my deficiency explains the weight on my chest +and the futile tearing of sheet after sheet, which vanished as I tore +them away. I lack the self-complacency necessary to the orator in any +surroundings, and that golden certainty which has enchanted me in the +outpourings of great men, whether in ink or speech. This is, however, a +matter which I can rectify with practice." And coming to a little may- +tree in full blossom, he thus addressed it: + +"Little tree, be my audience, for I see in you, tipped with the sunlight, +a vision of the tranquil and beautiful world, which, according to every +authority, will emerge out of this carnival of blood and iron." + +And the little tree lifted up its voice and answered him with the song of +a blackbird. + +Mr. Lavender's heart, deeply responsive to the voice of Nature, melted +within him. + +"What are the realms of this earth, the dreams of statesmen, and all +plots and policies," he said, "compared with the beauty of this little +tree? She--or is it a he?--breathes, in her wild and simple dress, just +to be lovely and loved. He harbours the blackbird, and shakes fragrance +into the morning; and with her blossom catches the rain and the sun drops +of heaven. I see in him the witchery of God; and of her prettiness would +I make a song of redemption." + +So saying he knelt down before the little tree, while Blink on her +haunches, very quiet beside him, looked wiser than many dogs. + +A familiar gurgling sound roused him from his devotions, and turning his +head he saw his young neighbour in the garb of a nurse, standing on the +path behind him. "She has dropped from heaven," he thought for all +nurses are angels. + +And, taking off his hat, he said: + +"You surprised me at a moment of which I am not ashamed; I was communing +with Beauty. And behold! Aurora is with me." + +"Say, rather, Borealis," said the young lady. "I was so fed-up with +hospital that I had to have a scamper before turning in. If you're going +home we might go together?" + +"It would, indeed, be a joy," said Mr. Lavender. "The garb of mercy +becomes you." + +"Do you think so?" replied the young lady, in whose cheeks a lovely flush +had not deepened. "I call it hideous. Do you always come out and pray +to that tree?" + +"I am ashamed to say," returned Mr. Lavender, "that I do not. But I +intend to do so in future, since it has brought me such a vision. + +And he looked with such deferential and shining eyes at his companion +that she placed the back of her hand before her mouth, and her breast +rose. + +"I'm most fearfully sleepy," she said. "Have you had any adventures +lately--you and Samjoe? + +"Samjoe?" repeated Mr. Lavender. + +"Your chauffeur--I call him that. He's very like Sam Weller and Sancho +Panza, don't you think, Don Pickwixote? + +"Ah!" said Mr. Lavender, bewildered; "Joe, you mean. A good fellow. He +has in him the sort of heroism which I admire more than any other." + +"Which is that?" asked the young lady. + +"That imperturbable humour in the face of adverse circumstances for which +our soldiers are renowned." + +"You are a great believer in heroics, Don Pickwixote," said the young +lady. + +"What would life be without them?" returned Mr. Lavender. "The war could +not go on for a minute." + +"You're right there," said the young lady bitterly. + +"You surely," said Mr. Lavender, aghast, cannot wish it to stop until we +have destroyed our common enemies?" + +"Well," said the young lady," I'm not a Pacifist; but when you see as +many people without arms and legs as I do, heroics get a bit off, don't +you know." And she increased her pace until Mr. Lavender, who was not +within four inches of her stature, was almost compelled to trot. "If I +were a Tommy," she added, "I should want to shoot every man who uttered a +phrase. Really, at this time of day, they are the limit." + +"Aurora," said Mr. Lavender, "if you will permit me, who am old enough-- +alas!--to be your father, to call you that, you must surely be aware that +phrases are the very munitions of war, and certainly not less important +than mere material explosives. Take the word 'Liberty,' for instance; +would you deprive us of it?" + +The young lady fixed on him those large grey eyes which had in them the +roll of genius. "Dear Don Pickwixote," she said, "I would merely take it +from the mouths of those who don't know what it means; and how much do +you think would be left? Not enough to butter the parsnips of a Borough +Council, or fill one leader in a month of Sundays. Have you not +discovered, Don Pickwixote, that Liberty means the special form of +tyranny which one happens to serve under; and that our form of tyranny is +GAS." + +"High heaven!" cried Mr. Lavender, "that I should hear such words from so +red lips!" + +"I've not been a Pacifist, so far," continued the young lady, stifling a +yawn, "because I hate cruelty, I hate it enough to want to be cruel to +it. I want the Huns to lap their own sauce. I don't want to be +revengeful, but I just can't help it." + +"My dear young lady," said Mr. Lavender soothingly, "you are not--you +cannot be revengeful; for every great writer and speaker tells us that +revengefulness is an emotion alien to the Allies, who are merely just. + +"Rats!" + +At this familiar word, Blink who had been following their conversation +quietly, threw up her nose and licked the young lady's hand so +unexpectedly that she started and added: + +"Darling!" + +Mr. Lavender, who took the expression as meant for himself, coloured +furiously. + +"Aurora," he said in a faint voice, "the rapture in my heart prevents my +taking advantage of your sweet words. Forgive me, and let us go quietly +in, with the vision I have seen, for I know my place." + +The young lady's composure seemed to tremble in the balance, and her lips +twitched; then holding out her hand she took Mr. Lavender's and gave it a +good squeeze. + +"You really are a dear," she said. "I think you ought to be in bed. My +name's Isabel, you know." + +"Not to me," said Mr. Lavender. You are the Dawn; nothing shall persuade +me to the contrary. And from henceforth I swear to rise with you every +morning." + +"Oh, no!" cried the young lady please don't imagine that I sniff the +matutinal as a rule. I just happened to be in a night shift." + +"No matter," said Mr. Lavender; "I shall see you with the eye of faith, +in your night shifts, and draw from the vision strength to continue my +public work beckoned by the fingers of the roseate future." + +"Well," murmured the young lady, "so long for now; and do go back to bed. +It's only about five." And waving the tips of those fingers, she ran +lightly up the garden-path and disappeared into her house. + +Mr. Lavender remained for a moment as if transfigured; then entering his +garden, he stood gazing up at her window, until the thought that she +might appear there was too much for him, and he went in. + + + + +XI + +BREAKS UP A PEACE MEETING + +While seated at breakfast on the morning after he had seen this vision, +Mr. Lavender, who read his papers as though they had been Holy Writ, came +on an announcement that a meeting would be held that evening at a chapel +in Holloway under the auspices of the "Free Speakers' League," an +association which his journals had often branded with a reputation, for +desiring Peace. On reading the names of the speakers Mr. Lavender felt +at once that it would be his duty to attend. "There will," he thought, +"very likely be no one there to register a protest. For in this country +we have pushed the doctrine of free speech to a limit which threatens the +noble virtue of patriotism. This is no doubt a recrudescence of that +terrible horse-sense in the British people which used to permit everybody +to have his say, no matter what he said. Yet I would rather stay at +home," he mused "for they will do me violence, I expect; cowardice, +however, would not become me, and I must go." + +He was in a state of flurry all day, thinking of his unpleasant duty +towards those violent persons, and garbishing up his memory by reading +such past leaders in his five journals as bore on the subject. He spoke +no word of his intentions, convinced that he ran a considerable risk at +the hands of the Pacifists, but too sensible of his honour to assist +anyone to put that spoke in his wheel which he could not help longing +for. + +At six o'clock he locked Blink into his study, and arming himself with +three leaders, set forth on his perilous adventure. Seven o'clock saw +him hurrying along the dismal road to the chapel, at whose door he met +with an unexpected check. + +"Where is your ticket?" said a large man. + +"I have none," replied Mt. Lavender, disconcerted; "for this is a meeting +of the Free Speakers' League, and it is for that reason that +have come." + +The large man looked at him attentively. "No admittance without ticket," +he said. + +"I protest," said Mr. Lavender. "How can you call yourselves by that +name and not let me in?" + +The large man smiled. + +"Well, he said, you haven't the strength of--of a rabbit--in you go!" + +Mr. Lavender found himself inside and some indignation. + +The meeting had begun, and a tall man at the pulpit end, with the face of +a sorrowful bull, was addressing an audience composed almost entirely of +women and old men, while his confederates sat behind him trying to look +as if they were not present. At the end of a row, about half-way up the +chapel, Mr. Lavender composed himself to listen, thinking, "However eager +I may be to fulfil my duty and break up this meeting, it behoves me as a +fair-minded man to ascertain first what manner of meeting it is that I am +breaking up." But as the speaker progressed, in periods punctuated by +applause from what, by his experience at the door, Mr. Lavender knew to +be a packed audience, he grew more and more uneasy. It cannot be said +that he took in what the speaker was saying, obsessed as he was by the +necessity of formulating a reply, and of revolving, to the exclusion of +all else, the flowers and phrases of the leaders which during the day he +had almost learned by heart. But by nature polite he waited till the +orator was sitting down before he rose, and, with the three leaders +firmly grasped in his hand, walked deliberately up to the seated +speakers. Turning his back on them, he said, in a voice to which +nervousness and emotion lent shrillness: + +"Ladies and gentlemen, it is now your turn, in accordance with the +tradition of your society, to listen to me. Let us not mince matters +with mealy mouths. There are in our midst certain viperous persons, like +that notorious gentleman who had the sulphurous impudence to have a +French father--French! gentlemen; not German, ladies-mark the cunning and +audacity of the fellow; like that renegade Labour leader, who has never +led anything, yet, if he had his will, would lead us all into the pit of +destruction; like those other high-brow emasculates who mistake their +pettifogging pedantry for pearls of price, and plaster the plain issue +before us with perfidious and Pacifistic platitudes. We say at once, and +let them note it, we will have none of them ; we will have----" Here his +words were drowned by an interruption greater even than that; which was +fast gathering among the row of speakers behind him, and the surprised +audience in front ; and he could see the large man being forced from the +door and up the aisle by a posse of noisy youths, till he stood with arms +pinioned, struggling to turn round, just in front of Mr. Lavender. +Seeing his speech thus endangered, the latter cried out at the top of his +voice: "Free speech, gentlemen, free speech; I have come here expressly +to see that we have nothing of the sort." At this the young men, who now +filled the aisle, raised a mighty booing. + +"Gentlemen," shouted Mr. Lavender, waving his leaders, "gentlemen---" But +at this moment the large man was hurled into contact with what served Mr. +Lavender for stomach, and the two fell in confusion. An uproar ensued of +which Mr. Lavender was more than vaguely conscious, for many feet went +over him. He managed, however, to creep into a corner, and, getting up, +surveyed the scene. The young men who had invaded the meeting, much +superior in numbers and strength to the speakers, to the large man, and +the three or four other able-bodied persons who had rallied to them from +among the audience, were taking every advantage of their superiority ; +and it went to Mr. Lavender's heart to see how they thumped and +maltreated their opponents. The sight of their brutality, indeed, +rendered him so furious that, forgetting all his principles and his +purpose in coming to the meeting, he climbed on to a form, and folding +his arms tightly on his breast, called out at the top of his voice: + +"Cads! Do not thus take advantage of your numbers. Cads!" Having thus +defended what in his calmer moments he would have known to be the wrong, +he awaited his own fate calmly. But in the hubbub his words had passed +unnoticed. "It is in moments like these," he thought, "that the ,great +speaker asserts his supremacy, quells the storm, and secures himself a +hearing." And he began to rack his brains to remember how they did it. +"It must require the voice of an ox," he thought, "and the skin of an +alligator. Alas! How deficient I am in public qualities!" But his +self-depreciation was here cut off with the electric light. At this +sheer intervention of Providence Mr. Lavender, listening to the +disentangling sounds which rose in the black room, became aware that he +had a chance such as he had not yet had of being heard. + +"Stay, my friends!" he said; "here in darkness we can see better the true +proportions of this great question of free speech. There are some who +contend that in a democracy every opinion should be heard; that, just +because the good sense of the majority will ever lead the country into +the right paths, the minority should be accorded full and fair +expression, for they cannot deflect the country's course, and because +such expression acts as a healthful safety-valve. Moreover, they say +there is no way of preventing the minority from speaking save that of +force, which is unworthy of a majority, and the negation of what we are +fighting for in this war. But I say, following the great leader-writers, +that in a time of national danger nobody ought to say anything except +what is in accord with the opinions of the majority; for only in this way +can we present a front which will seem to be united to our common +enemies. I say, and since I am the majority I must be in the right, that +no one who disagrees with me must say anything if we are to save the +cause of freedom and humanity. I deprecate violence, but I am thoroughly +determined to stand no nonsense, and shall not hesitate to suppress by +every means in the power of the majority--including, if need be, Prussian +measures--any whisper from those misguided and unpatriotic persons whose +so-called principles induce them to assert their right to have opinions +of their own. This has ever been a free country, and they shall not +imperil its freedom by their volubility and self-conceit." Here Mr. +Lavender paused for breath, and in the darkness a faint noise, as of a +mouse scrattling at a wainscot, attracted his attention. "Wonderful," he +thought, elated by the silence, "that I should so have succeeded in +riveting their attention as to be able to hear a mouse gnawing. I must +have made a considerable impression." And, fearing to spoil it by further +speech, he set to work to grope his way round the chapel wall in the hope +of coming to the door. He had gone but a little way when his +outstretched hand came into contact with something warm, which shrank +away with a squeal. + +"Oh!" cried Mr. Lavender, while a shiver went down his spine, "what is +that?" + +"Me," said a stifled voice. "Who are you?" + +"A public speaker, madam," answered Mr. Lavender, unutterably relieved. +Don't be alarmed. + +"Ouch!" whispered the voice. That madman! + +"I assure you, madam," replied Mr. Lavender, striving to regain contact, +"I wouldn't harm you for the world. Can you tell me in what portion of +the hall we are?" And crouching down he stretched out his arms and felt +about him. No answer came; but he could tell that he was between two +rows of chairs, and, holding to the top of one, he began to sidle along, +crouching, so as not to lose touch with the chairs behind him. He had +not proceeded the length of six chairs in the pitchy darkness when the +light was suddenly turned up, and he found himself glaring over the backs +of the chairs in front into the eyes of a young woman, who was crouching +and glaring back over the same chairs. + +"Dear me said Mr. Lavender, as with a certain dignity they both rose to +their full height, "I had no conception----" + +Without a word, the young woman put her hand up to her back hair, sidled +swiftly down the row of chairs, ran down the aisle, and vanished. There +was no one else in the chapel. Mr. Lavender, after surveying the +considerable wreckage, made his way to the door and passed out into the +night. "Like a dream," he thought ; "but I have done my duty, for no +meeting was ever more completely broken up. With a clear conscience and +a good appetite I can how go home." + + + + +XII + +SPEEDS UP TRANSPORT, AND SEES A DOCTOR + +Greatly cheered by his success at the Peace meeting, Mr. Lavender +searched his papers next morning to find a new field for his activities; +nor had he to read far before he came on this paragraph: + + "Everything is dependent on transport, and we cannot sufficiently + urge that this should be speeded up by + every means in our power." + +"How true!" he thought. And, finishing his breakfast hastily, he went +out with Blink to think over what he could do to help. "I can exhort," +he mused, "anyone engaged in transport who is not exerting himself to the +utmost. It will not be pleasant to do so, for it will certainly provoke +much ill-feeling. I must not, however, be deterred by that, for it is +the daily concomitant of public life, and hard words break no bones, as +they say, but rather serve to thicken the skins and sharpen the tongues +of us public men, so that, we are able to meet our opponents with their +own weapons. I perceive before me, indeed, a liberal education in just +those public qualities wherein I am conscious of being as yet deficient. +"And his heart sank within him, thinking of the carts on the hills of +Hampstead and the boys who drove them. "What is lacking to them," he +mused, "is the power of seeing this problem steadily and seeing it whole. +Let me endeavour to impart this habit to all who have any connection with +transport." + +He had just completed this reflection when, turning a corner, he came on +a large van standing stockstill at the top of an incline. The driver was +leaning idly against the hind wheel filling a pipe. Mr. Lavender glanced +at the near horse, and seeing that he was not distressed, he thus +addressed the man: + +"Do you not know, my friend, that every minute is of importance in this +national crisis? If I could get you to see the question of transport +steadily, and to see it whole, I feel convinced that you would not be +standing there lighting your pipe when perhaps this half-hour's delay in +the delivery of your goods may mean the death of one of your comrades at +the front." + +The man, who was wizened, weathered, and old, with but few teeth, looked +up at him from above the curved hands with which he was coaxing the flame +of a match into the bowl of his pipe. His brow was wrinkled, and +moisture stood at the comers of his eyes. + +"I assure you," went on Mr. Lavender, "that we have none of us the right +in these days to delay for a single minute the delivery of anything--not +even of speeches. When I am tempted to do so, I think of our sons and +brothers in the trenches, and how every shell and every word saves their +lives, and I deliver----" + +The old man, who had finished lighting his pipe, took a long pull at it, +and said hoarsely: + +"Go on!" + +"I will," said Mr. Lavender, "for I perceive that I can effect a +revolution in your outlook, so that instead of wasting the country's time +by leaning against that wheel you will drive on zealously and help to win +the war." + +The old man looked at him, and one side of his face became drawn up in a +smile, which seemed to Mr. Lavender so horrible that he said: "Why do you +look at me like that?" + +"Cawn't 'elp it," said the man. + +"What makes you," continued Mr. Lavender, "pause here with your job half +finished? It is not the hill which keeps you back, for you are at the +top, and your horses seem rested." + +"Yes," said the old man, with another contortion of his face, "they're +rested--leastways, one of 'em." + +"Then what delays you--if not that British sluggishness which we in +public life find such a terrible handicap to our efforts in conducting +the war?" + +"Ah!" said the old man. "But out of one you don't make two, guv'nor. +Git on the offside and you'll see it a bit steadier and a bit 'oler than +you 'ave 'itherto." + +Struck by his words, which were accompanied by a painful puckering of the +checks, Mr. Lavender moved round the van looking for some defect in its +machinery, and suddenly became aware that the off horse was lying on the +ground, with the traces cut. It lay on its side, and did not move. + +"Oh!" cried Mr. Lavender; "oh!" And going up to the horse's head he +knelt down. The animal's eye was glazing. + +"Oh!" he cried again, "poor horse! Don't die!" And tears dropped out of +his eyes on to the horse's cheek. The eye seemed to give him a look, and +became quite glazed. + +"Dead!" said Mr Lavender in an awed whisper. "This is horrible! What a +thin horse--nothing but bones!" And his gaze haunted the ridge and +furrow of the horse's carcase, while the living horse looked round and +down at its dead fellow, from whose hollow face a ragged forelock drooped +in the dust. + +"I must go and apologize to that old man," said Mr. Lavender aloud, "for +no doubt he is even more distressed than I am." + +"Not 'e, guv'nor," said a voice, and looking beside him he saw the aged +driver standing beside him; "not 'e; for of all the crool jobs I ever +'ad--drivin' that 'orse these last three months 'as been the croolest. +There 'e lies and 'es aht of it; and that's where they'd all like to be. +Speed, done 'im in, savin' 'is country's 'time an' 'is country's oats; +that done 'im in. A good old 'orse, a willin' old 'orse, 'as broke 'is +'eart tryin' to do 'is bit on 'alf rations. There 'e lies; and I'm glad +'e does." And with the back of his hand the old fellow removed some +brown moisture which was trembling on his jaw. Mr. Lavender rose from +his knees. + +"Dreadful!--monstrous!" he cried; "poor horse! Who is responsible for +this?" + +"Why," said the old driver, "the gents as sees it steady and sees it 'ole +from one side o' the van, same as you. + +So smitten to the heart was Mr. Lavender by those words that he covered +his ears with his hands and almost ran from the scene, nor did he stop +till he had reached the shelter of his study, and was sitting in his arm- +chair with Blink upon his feet. "I will buy a go-cart," he thought Blink +and I will pull our weight and save the poor horses. We can at least +deliver our own milk and vegetables." + +He had not been sitting there for half-an-hour revolving the painful +complexities of national life before the voice of Mrs. Petty recalled him +from that sad reverie. + +"Dr. Gobang to see you, sir." + +At sight of the doctor who had attended him for alcoholic poisoning Mr. +Lavender experienced one or those vaguely disagreeable sensations which +follow on half-realized insults. + +"Good-morning, sir," said the doctor; thought I'd just look in and make +my mind easy about you. That was a nasty attack. Do you still feel your +back?" + +"No," said Mr. Lavender rather coldly, while Blink growled. + +"Nor your head ?" + +"I have never felt my head," replied Mr. Lavender, still more coldly. + +"I seem to remember----" began the doctor. + +"Doctor," said Mr. Lavender with dignity, surely you know that public +men--do not feel--their heads--it would not do. They sometimes suffer +from their throats, but otherwise they have perfect health, fortunately." + +The doctor smiled. + +"Well, what do you think of the war?" he asked chattily. + +"Be quiet, Blink," said Mr. Lavender. Then, in a far-away voice, he +added: "Whatever the clouds which have gathered above our heads for the +moment, and whatever the blows which Fate may have in store for us, we +shall not relax our efforts till we have attained our aims and hurled our +enemies back. Nor shall we stop there," he went on, warming at his own +words. "It is but a weak-kneed patriotism which would be content with +securing the objects for which we began to fight. We shall not hesitate +to sacrifice the last of our men, the last of our money, in the sacred +task of achieving the complete ruin of the fiendish Power which has +brought this great calamity on the world. Even if our enemies surrender +we will fight on till we have dictated terms on the doorsteps of +Potsdam." + +The doctor, who, since Mr. Lavender began to speak, had been looking at +him with strange intensity, dropped his eyes. + +"Quite so," he said heartily, "quite so. Well, good-morning. I only +just ran in!" And leaving Mr. Lavender to the exultation he was +evidently feeling, this singular visitor went out and closed the door. +Outside the garden-gate he rejoined the nephew Sinkin. + +"Well?" asked the latter. + +"Sane as you or me," said the doctor. "A little pedantic in his way of +expressing himself, but quite all there, really." + +"Did his dog bite you?" muttered the nephew. "No," said the doctor +absently. "I wish to heaven everyone held his views. So long. I must +be getting on." And they parted. + +But Mr. Lavender, after pacing the room six times, had sat down again in +his chair, with a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, such as other +men feel on mornings after a debauch. + + + + +XIII + +ADDRESSES SOME SOLDIERS ON THEIR FUTURE + +On pleasant afternoons Mr. Lavender would often take his seat on one of +the benches which adorned the Spaniard's Road to enjoy the beams of the +sun and the towers of the City confused in smoky distance. And strolling +forth with Blink on the afternoon of the day on which the doctor had come +to see him he sat down to read a periodical, which enjoined on everyone +the necessity of taking the utmost interest in soldiers disabled by the +war. "Yes," he thought, "it is indeed our duty to force them, no matter +what their disablements, to continue and surpass the heroism they +displayed out there, and become superior to what they once were." And it +seemed to him a distinct dispensation of Providence when the rest of his +bench was suddenly occupied by three soldiers in the blue garments and +red ties of hospital life. They had been sitting there for some minutes, +divided by the iron bars necessary to the morals of the neighbourhood, +while Mr. Lavender cudgelled his brains for an easy and natural method of +approach, before Blink supplied the necessary avenue by taking her stand +before a soldier and looking up into his eye. + +"Lord!" said the one thus accosted, "what a fyce! Look at her moustache! +Well, cocky, 'oo are you starin' at?" + +"My dog," said Mr. Lavender, perceiving his chance, "has an eye for the +strange and beautiful. + +"Wow said the soldier, whose face was bandaged, she'll get it 'ere, won't +she?" + +Encouraged by the smiles of the soldier and his comrades, Mr. Lavender +went on in the most natural voice he could assume. + +"I'm sure you appreciate, my friends, the enormous importance of your own +futures? " + +The three soldiers, whose faces were all bandaged, looked as surprised as +they could between them, and did not answer. Mr. Lavender went on, +dropping unconsciously into the diction of the article he had been +reading: "We are now at the turning-point of the ways, and not a moment +is to be lost in impressing on the disabled man the paramount necessity +of becoming again the captain of his soul. He who was a hero in the +field must again lead us in those qualities of enterprise and endurance +which have made him the admiration of the world." + +The three soldiers had turned what was visible of their faces towards Mr. +Lavender, and, seeing that he had riveted their attention, he proceeded: +"The apathy which hospital produces, together with the present scarcity +of labour, is largely responsible for the dangerous position in which the +disabled man now finds himself. Only we who have not to face his future +can appreciate what that future is likely to be if he does not make the +most strenuous efforts to overcome it. Boys," he added earnestly, +remembering suddenly that this was the word which those who had the +personal touch ever employed, "are you making those efforts? Are you +equipping your minds? Are you taking advantage of your enforced leisure +to place yourselves upon some path of life in which you can largely hold +your own against all comers?" + +He paused for a reply. + +The soldiers, silent for a moment, in what seemed to Mr. Lavender to be +sheer astonishment, began to fidget; then the one next him turned to his +neighbour, and said: + +"Are we, Alf? Are we doin' what the gentleman says?" + +"I can answer that for you," returned Mr. Lavender brightly; "for I can +tell by your hospitalized faces that you are living in the present; a +habit which, according to our best writers, is peculiar to the British. +I assure you," he went on with a winning look, "there is no future in +that. If you do not at once begin to carve fresh niches for yourselves +in the temple of industrialism you will be engulfed by the returning +flood, and left high and dry upon the beach of fortune." + +During these last few words the half of an irritated look on the faces of +the soldiers changed to fragments of an indulgent and protective +expression. + +"Right you are, guv'nor," said the one in the middle. Don't you worry, +we'll see you home all right. + +"It is you," said Mr. Lavender, "that I must see home. For that is +largely the duty of us who have not had the great privilege of fighting +for our country." + +These words, which completed the soldiers' conviction that Mr. Lavender +was not quite all there, caused them to rise. + + +"Come on, then," said one; we'll see each other home. We've got to be in +by five. You don't have a string to your dog, I see." + +"Oh no!" said Mr. Lavender puzzled "I am not blind." + +"Balmy," said the soldier soothingly. "Come on, sir, an' we can talk +abaht it on the way." + +Mr. Lavender, delighted at the impression he had made, rose and walked +beside them, taking insensibly the direction for home. + +"What do you advise us to do, then, guv'nor?" said one of the soldiers. + +"Throw away all thought of the present," returned Mr. Lavender, with +intense earnestness; "forget the past entirely, wrap yourselves wholly in +the future. Do nothing which will give you immediate satisfaction. Do +not consider your families, or any of those transient considerations such +as pleasure, your homes, your condition of health, or your economic +position; but place yourselves unreservedly in the hands of those who by +hard thinking on this subject are alone in the condition to appreciate +the individual circumstances of each of you. For only by becoming a +flock of sheep can you be conducted into those new pastures where the +grass of your future will be sweet and plentiful. Above all, continue to +be the heroes which you were under the spur of your country's call, for +you must remember that your country is still calling you." + +"That's right," said the soldier on Mr. Lavender's left. "Puss, puss! +Does your dog swot cats?" + +At so irrelevant a remark Mr. Lavender looked suspiciously from left to +right, but what there was of the soldiers' faces told him nothing. + +"Which is your hospital?" he asked. + +"Down the 'ill, on the right," returned the soldier. "Which is yours?" + +"Alas! it is not in a hospital that I----" + +"I know," said the soldier delicately, "don't give it a name; no need. +We're all friends 'ere. Do you get out much?" + +"I always take an afternoon stroll," said Mr. Lavender, "when my public +life permits. If you think your comrades would like me to come and +lecture to them on their future I should be only too happy." + +"D'you 'ear, Alf?" said the soldier. "D'you think they would?" + +The soldier, addressed put a finger to the sound side of his mouth and +uttered a catcall. + +"I might effect a radical change in their views, continued Mr. Lavender, +a little puzzled. "Let me leave you this periodical. Read it, and you +will see how extremely vital all that I have been saying is. And then, +perhaps, if you would send me a round robin, such as is usual in a +democratic country, I could pop over almost any day after five. I +sometimes feel"--and here Mr. Lavender stopped in the middle of the road, +overcome by sudden emotion----" that I have really no right to be alive +when I see what you have suffered for me." + +"That's all right, old bean,", said the soldier on his left; "you'd 'a +done the same for us but for your disabilities. We don't grudge it +you'." + +"Boys," said Mr. Lavender, "you are men. I cannot tell you how much I +admire and love you." + +"Well, give it a rest, then; t'ain't good for yer. And, look 'ere! Any +time they don't treat you fair in there, tip us the wink, and we'll come +over and do in your 'ousekeeper." + +Mr. Lavender smiled. + +"My poor housekeeper!" he said. "I thank you all the same for your +charming goodwill. This is where I live," he added, stopping at the gate +of the little house smothered in lilac and laburnum. "Can I offer you +some tea?" + +The three soldiers looked at each other, and Mr. Lavender, noticing their +surprise, attributed it to the word tea. + +"I regret exceedingly that I am a total abstainer," he said. + +The remark, completing the soldiers' judgment of his case, increased +their surprise at the nature of his residence; it remained unanswered, +save by a shuffling of the feet. + +Mr. Lavender took off his hat. + +"I consider it a great privilege," he said, "to have been allowed to +converse with you. Goodbye, and God bless you!" + +So saying, he opened the gate and entered his little garden carrying his +hat in his hand, and followed by Blink. + +The soldiers watched him disappear within, then continued on their way +down the hill in silence. + +"Blimy," said one suddenly, "some of these old civilians 'ave come it +balmy on the crumpet since the war began. Give me the trenches!" + + + + +XIV + +ENDEAVOURS TO INTERN A GERMAN + +Aglow with satisfaction at what he had been able to do for the wounded +soldiers, Mr. Lavender sat down in his study to drink the tea which he +found there. "There is nothing in life," he thought, "which gives one +such satisfaction as friendliness and being able to do something for +others. Moon-cat!" + +The moon-cat, who, since Mr. Lavender had given her milk, abode in his +castle, awaiting her confinement, purred loudly, regarding him with +burning eyes, as was her fashion when she wanted milk, Mr. Lavender put +down the saucer and continued his meditations. "Everything is vain; the +world is full of ghosts and shadows; but in friendliness and the purring +of a little cat there is solidity." + +"A lady has called, sir." + +Looking up, Mr. Lavender became aware of Mrs. Petty. + +"How very agreeable! + +"I don't know, sir," returned his housekeeper in her decisive voice; "but +she wants to see you. Name of Pullbody." + +"Pullbody," repeated Mr. Lavender dreamily; "I don't seem---- Ask her in, +Mrs. Petty, ask her in." + +"It's on your head, sir," said Mrs. Petty, and went out. + +Mr. Lavender was immediately conscious of a presence in dark green silk, +with a long upper lip, a loose lower lip, and a fixed and faintly raddled +air, moving stealthily towards him. + +"Sit down, madam, I beg. Will you have some tea?" + +The lady sat down. "Thank you, I have had tea. It was on the +recommendation of your next-door neighbour, Miss Isabel Scarlet----" + +"Indeed," replied Mr. Lavender, whose heart began to beat; "command me, +for I am entirely at her service." + +"I have come to see you," began the lady with a peculiar sinuous smile, +"as a public man and a patriot." + +Mr. Lavender bowed, and the lady went on: I am in very great trouble. +The fact is, my sister's husband's sister is married to a German." + +"Is it possible, madam?" murmured Mr. Lavender, crossing his knees, and +joining the tips of his fingers. + +"Yes," resumed the lady, "and what's more, he is still at large." + +Mr. Lavender, into whose mind there had instantly rushed a flood of +public utterances, stood gazing at her haggard face in silent sympathy. + +"You may imagine my distress, sir, and the condition of my conscience," +pursued the lady, "when I tell you that my sister's husband's sister is a +very old friend of mine--and, indeed, so was this German. The two are a +very attached young couple, and, being childless, are quite wrapped up in +each other. I have come to you, feeling it my duty to secure his +internment." + +Mr. Lavender, moved by the human element in her words, was about to say, +"But why, madam?" when the lady continued: + +"I have not myself precisely heard him speak well of his country. But +the sister of a friend of mine who was having tea in their house +distinctly heard him say that there were two sides to every question, and +that he could not believe all that was said in the English papers. + +"Dear me!" said Mr. Lavender, troubled; "that is serious." + +"Yes," went on the lady; "and on another occasion my sister's husband +himself heard him remark that a man could not help loving his country and +hoping that it would win." + +"But that is natural," began Mr. Lavender. + +"What!" said the lady, nearly rising, "when that country is Germany?" + +The word revived Mr. Lavender's sense of proportion. + +"True," he said, "true. I was forgetting for the moment. It is +extraordinary how irresponsible one's thoughts are sometimes. Have you +reason to suppose that he is dangerous?" + +"I should have thought that what I have said might have convinced you," +replied the lady reproachfully; "but I don't wish you to act without +satisfying yourself. It is not as if you knew him, of course. I have +easily been able to get up an agitation among his friends, but I should +not expect an outsider--so I thought if I gave you his address you could +form your own opinion." + +"Yes," murmured Mr. Lavender, "yes. It is in the last degree undesirable +that any man of German origin should remain free to work possible harm to +our country. There is no question in this of hatred or of mere rabid +patriotism," he went on, in a voice growing more and more far-away; it is +largely the A. B. C. of common prudence." + +"I ought to say," interrupted his visitor, "that we all thought him, of +course, an honourable man until this war, or we should not have been his +friends. He is a dentist," she added, "and, I suppose, may be said to be +doing useful work, which makes it difficult. I suggest that you go to +him to have a tooth out." + +Mr. Lavender quivered, and insensibly felt his teeth. + +"Thank you," he said I will see if I can find one. It is certainly a +matter which cannot be left to chance. We public men, madam, often have +to do very hard and even inhumane things for no apparent reason. Our +consciences alone support us. An impression, I am told, sometimes gets +abroad that we yield to clamour. Those alone who know us realize how +unfounded that aspersion is." + +"This is his address," said the lady, rising, and handing him an +envelope. "I shall not feel at rest until he is safely interned. You +will not mention my name, of course. It is tragic to be obliged to work +against one's friends in the dark. Your young neighbour spoke in +enthusiastic terms of your zeal, and I am sure that in choosing you for +my public man she was not pulling--er--was not making a mistake." + +Mr. Lavender bowed. + +"I hope not, madam, he said humbly I try to do my duty." + +The lady smiled her sinuous smile and moved towards the door, leaving on +the air a faint odour of vinegar and sandalwood. + +When she was gone Mr. Lavender sat down on the edge of his chair before +the tea-tray and extracted his teeth while Blink, taking them for a bone, +gazed at them lustrously, and the moon-cat between his feet purred from +repletion. "There is reason in all things," he thought, running his +finger over what was left in his mouth, "but not in patriotism, for that +would prevent us from consummating the destruction of our common enemies. +It behoves us public men ever to set an extreme example. Which one can I +spare, I wonder?" And he fixed upon a large rambling tooth on the left +wing of his lower jaw. "It will hurt horribly, I'm afraid; and if I have +an anaesthetic there will be someone else present; and not improbably I +shall feel ill afterwards, and be unable to form a clear judgment. I +must steel myself. Blink!" + +For Blink was making tremulous advances to the teeth. "How pleasant to +be a dog!" thought Mr. Lavender, "and know nothing of Germans and teeth. +I shall be very unhappy till this is out; but Aurora recommended me, and +I must not complain, but rather consider myself the most fortunate of +public men." And, ruffling his hair till it stood up all over his head, +while his loose eyebrow worked up and down, he gazed at the moon-cat. + +"Moon-cat," he said suddenly, "we are but creatures of chance, unable to +tell from one day to another what Fate has in store for us. My tooth is +beginning to ache already. That is, perhaps, as it should be, for I +shall not forget which one it is. "So musing he resumed his teeth; and, +going to his bookcase, sought fortitude and inspiration in the records of +a Parliamentary debate on enemy aliens. + +It was not without considerable trepidation, however, on the following +afternoon that he made his way up Welkin Street, and rang at the number +on the envelope in his hand. + +"Yes sir, doctor is at home," said the maid. + +Mr. Lavender's heart was about to fail him when, conjuring up the vision +of Aurora, he said in a faint voice: "I wish to see him professionally." +And, while the maid departed up the stairs, he waited in the narrow hall, +alternately taking his hat off and putting it on again, so great was his +spiritual confusion. + +"Doctor will see you at once, sir." + +Putting his hat on hastily, Mr. Lavender followed her upstairs, feeling +at his tooth to make quite sure that he remembered which it was. His +courage mounted as he came nearer to his fate, and he marched into the +room behind the maid holding his hat on firmly with one hand and his +tooth in firmly with the other. There, beside a red velvet dentist's +chair, he saw a youngish man dressed in a white coat, with round eyes and +a domestic face, who said in good English: + +"What can I do for you, my dear sir? I fear you are in bain." + +"In great pain," replied Mr. Lavender faintly, "in great pain." And, +indeed, he was; for the nervous crisis from which he was suffering had +settled in the tooth, on which he still pressed a finger through his +cheek. + +"Sit down, sir, sit down," said the young man, "and perhaps it would be +better if you should remove your hat. We shall not hurd you--no, no, we +shall not hurd you." + +At those words, which seemed to cast doubt on his courage, Mr. Lavender +recovered all his presence of mind. He took off his hat, advanced +resolutely to the chair, sat down in it, and, looking up, said: + +"Do to me what you will; I shall not flinch, nor depart in any way from +the behaviour of those whose duty it is to set an example to others." + +So saying, he removed his teeth, and placing them in a bowl on the little +swinging table which he perceived on his left hand, he closed his eyes, +put his finger in his mouth, and articulated: + +"'Ith one." + +"Excuse me, sir," said the young German, "but do you wish a dooth oud?" + +"'At ish my deshire," said Mr. Lavender, keeping his finger on his tooth, +and his eyes closed. "'At one." + +"I cannot give you gas without my anaesthedist." + +"I dow," said Mr. Lavender; "be wick." + +And, feeling the little cold spy-glass begin to touch his gums, he +clenched his hands and thought: "This is the moment to prove that I, too, +can die for a good cause. If I am not man enough to bear for my country +so small a woe I can never again look Aurora in the face." + +The voice of the young dentist dragged him rudely from the depth of his +resignation. + +"Excuse me, but which dooth did you say?" + +Mr. Lavender again inserted his finger, and opened his eyes. + +The dentist shook his head. "Imbossible," he said; "that dooth is +perfectly sound. The other two are rotten. But they do not ache?" + +Mr. Lavender shook his head and repeated: + +"At one." + +"You are my first client this week, sir," said the young German calmly, +"but I cannot that dooth dake out." + +At those words Mr. Lavender experienced a sensation as if his soul were +creeping back up his legs; he spoke as it reached his stomach. + +"Noc?" he said. + +"No," replied the young German. It is nod the dooth which causes you the +bain. + +Mr. Lavender, suddenly conscious that he had no pain, took his finger +out. + +"Sir," he said, "I perceive that you are an honourable man. There is +something sublime in your abnegation if, indeed, you have had no other +client this week. + +"No fear," said the young German. "Haf I, Cicely?" + +Mr. Lavender became conscious for the first time of a young woman leaning +up against the wall, with a pair of tweezers in her hand. + +"Take it out, Otto," she said in a low voice, "if he wants it." + +"No no," said Mr. Lavender sharply, resuming his teeth; "I would not for +the world burden your conscience." + +"My clients are all batriots," said the young dentist, "and my bractice +is Kaput. We are in a bad way, sir," he added, with a smile, "but we try +to do the correct ting." + +Mr. Lavender saw the young woman move the tweezers in a manner which +caused his blood to run a little cold. + +"We must live," he heard her say. + +"Young madam," he said, "I honour the impulse which makes you desire to +extend your husband's practice. Indeed, I perceive you both to be so +honourable that I cannot but make you a confession. My tooth is indeed +sound, though, since I have been pretending that it isn't, it has caused +me much discomfort. I came here largely to form an opinion of your +husband's character, with a view to securing his internment. + +At that word the two young people shrank together till they were standing +side by side, staring at Mr Lavender with eyes full of anxiety and +wonder. Their hands, which still held the implements of dentistry, +insensibly sought each other. + +Be under no apprehension," cried Mr. Lavender, much moved; "I can see +that you are greatly attached, and even though your husband is a German, +he is still a man, and I could never bring myself to separate him from +you." + +"Who are you?" said the young woman in a frightened voice, putting her +arm round her husband's waist. + +"Just a public man," answered Mr. Lavender. + +"I came here from a sense of duty; nothing more, assure you." + +"Who put you up to it? + +"That," said Mr. Lavender, bowing as best he could from the angle he was +in, "I am not at liberty to disclose. But, believe me, you have nothing +to fear from this visit; I shall never do anything to distress a woman. +And please charge me as if the tooth had been extracted." + +The young German smiled, and shook his head. + +"Sir," he said, "I am grateful to you for coming, for it shows us what +danger we are in. The hardest ting to bear has been the uncertainty of +our bosition, and the feeling that our friends were working behind our +backs. Now we know that this is so we shall vordify our souls to bear +the worst. But, tell me," he went on, "when you came here, surely you +must have subbosed that to tear me away from my wife would be very +bainful to her and to myself. You say now you never could do that, how +was it, then, you came?" + +"Ah, sir!" cried Mr. Lavender, running his hands through his hair and +staring at the ceiling, "I feared this might seem inconsistent to your +logical German mind. But there are many things we public men would never +do if we could see them being done. Fortunately, as a rule we cannot. +Believe me, when I leave you I shall do my best to save you from a fate +which I perceive to be unnecessary." + +So saying, he rose from the chair, and, picking up his hat, backed +towards the door. + +"I will not offer you my hand," he said, "for I am acutely conscious that +my position is neither dignified nor decent. I owe you a tooth that I +shall not readily forget. Good-bye!" + +And backing through the doorway he made his way down the stairs and out +into the street, still emotionalized by the picture of the two young +people holding each other by the waist. He had not, however, gone far +before reason resumed its sway, and he began to see that the red velvet +chair in which he had been sitting was in reality a wireless apparatus +reaching to Berlin, or at least concealed a charge of dynamite to blow up +some King or Prime Minister; and that the looking-glasses, of which he +had noticed two at least, were surely used for signalling to Gothas or +Zeppelins. This plunged him into a confusion so poignant that, rather by +accident than design, he found himself again at Hampstead instead of at +Scotland Yard. "In the society of Aurora alone," he thought, "can I free +myself from the goadings of conscience, for it was she who sent me on +that errand." And, instead of going in, he took up a position on his +lawn whence he could attract her attention by waving his arms. He had +been doing this for some time, to the delight of Blink, who thought it a +new game, before he saw her in her nurse's dress coming out of a French- +window with her yellow book in her hand. Redoubling his efforts till he +had arrested her attention, he went up to the privet hedge, and said, in +a deep and melancholy voice: + +"Aurora, I have failed in my duty, and the errand on which you sent me is +unfulfilled. Mrs. Pullbody's sister's husband's sister's husband is +still, largely speaking, at large." + +"I knew he would be," replied the young lady, with her joyous smile +that's why I put her on to you--the cat!" + +At a loss to understand her meaning, Mr. Lavender, who had bent forward +above the hedge in his eagerness to explain, lost his balance, and, +endeavouring to save the hedge, fell over into some geranium pots. + +"Dear Don Pickwixote," cried the young lady, assisting him to rise, "have +you hurt your nose?" + +"It is not that," said Mr. Lavender, removing some mould from his hair, +and stifling the attentions of Blink; "but rather my honour, for I have +allowed my duty to my country to be overridden by the common emotion of +pity." + +"Hurrah!" cried the young lady. "It'll do you ever so much good." + +"Aurora!" cried Mr. Lavender aghast, walking at her side. But the young +lady only uttered her enchanting laugh. + +"Come and lie down in the hammock!" she said you're looking like a ghost. +I'll cover you up with a rug, and smoke a cigarette to keep the midges +off you. Tuck up your legs; that's right!" + +"No!" said Mr. Lavender from the recesses of the hammock, feeling his +nose, "let the bidges bide me. I deserve they should devour me alive. + +"All right," said the young lady. "But have a nap, anyway! "And sitting +down in a low chair, she opened her book and lit a cigarette. + +Mr. Lavender remained silent, watching her with the eyes of an acolyte, +and wondering whether he was in his senses to have alighted on so rare a +fortune. Nor was it long before he fell into a hypnotic doze. + +How long Mr. Lavender had been asleep he could not of course tell before +he dreamed that he was caught in a net, the meshes of which were formed +of the cries of newspaper boys announcing atrocities by land and sea. He +awoke looking into the eyes of Aurora, who, to still his struggles, had +taken hold of his ankles. + +"My goodness! You are thin were the first words he heard. "No wonder +you're lightheaded." + +Mr. Lavender, whose returning chivalry struggled with unconscious +delight, murmured with difficulty: + +"Let me go, let me go; it is too heavenly! + +"Well, have you finished kicking?" asked the young lady. + +"Yes," returned Mr. Lavender in a fainting voice----" alas!" + +The young lady let go of his ankles, and, aiding him to rise from the +hammock, said: " I know what's the matter with you now--you're starving +yourself. You ought to be kept on your back for three months at least, +and fed on butter." + +Mr. Lavender, soothing the feelings of Blink, who, at his struggles, had +begun to pant deeply, answered with watering lips: + +"Everyone in these days must do twice as much as he ought, and I eat +half, for only in this way can we compass the defeat of our common +enemies." The young lady's answer, which sounded like "Bosh!" was lost +in Mr. Lavender's admiration of her magnificent proportions as she bent +to pick up her yellow book. + +"Aurora," he said, "I know not what secret you share with the goddesses; +suffer me to go in and give thanks for this hour spent in your company." + +And he was about to recross the privet hedge when she caught him by the +coat-tag, saying: + +"No, Don Pickwixote, you must dine with us. I want you to meet my +father. Come along!" And, linking her arm in his, she led him towards +her castle. Mr. Lavender, who had indeed no, option but to obey, such +was the vigour of her arm, went with a sense of joy not unmingled with +consternation lest the personage she spoke of should have viewed him in +the recent extravagance of his dreaming moments. + +"I don't believe," said the young lady, gazing down at him, "that you +weigh an ounce more than seven stone. It's appalling! + +"Not," returned Mr. Lavender, "by physical weight and force shall we win +this war, for it is at bottom a question of morale. Right is, ever +victorious in the end, and though we have infinitely greater material +resources than our foes, we should still triumph were we reduced to the +last ounce, because of the inherent nobility of our cause." + +"You'll be reduced to the last ounce if we don't feed, you up somehow," +said the young lady. + +"Would you like to wash your hands?" + +Mr. Lavender having signified his assent, she left him alone in a place +covered with linoleum. When, at length, followed by Blink, he emerged +from dreamy ablutions, Mr. Lavender, saw that she had changed her dress +to a flowing blue garment of diaphanous character, which made her appear, +like an emanation of the sky. He was about to say so when he noticed a +gentleman in khaki scrutinizing him with lively eyes slightly injected +with blood. + +"Don Pickwixote," said the young lady; "my father, Major Scarlet." + +Mr. Lavender's hand was grasped by one which seemed to him made of iron. + +"I am honoured, sir," he said painfully, "to meet the father of my +charming young neighbour." + +The Major answered in a voice as clipped as his grey bottle-brush +moustache, "Delighted! Dinner's ready. Come along!" + +Mr. Lavender saw that he had a mouth which seemed to have a bitt in it; +several hairs on a finely rounded head; and an air of efficient and +truculent bonhomie tanned and wrinkled by the weather. + +The table at which they became seated seemed to one accustomed to +frugality to groan with flowers and china and glass; and Mr. Lavender had +hardly supped his rich and steaming soup before his fancy took fire; nor +did he notice that he was drinking from a green glass in which was a +yellow fluid. + +"I get Army rations," said the Major, holding a morsel of fillet of beef +towards Blink. "Nice dog, Mr. Lavender." + +"Yes," replied Mr. Lavender, ever delighted that his favourite should +receive attention, "she is an angel." + +"Too light," said the Major, "and a bit too narrow in front; but a nice +dog. What's your view of the war?" + +Before Mr. Lavender could reply he felt Aurora's foot pressing his, and +heard her say: + +"Don Pickwixote's views are after your own heart, Dad; he's for the +complete destruction of the Hun." + +"Indeed, yes," cried Mr. Lavender with shining eyes. "Right and justice +demand it. We seek to gain nothing!" + +"But we'll take all we can get," said the Major. + +They'll never get their Colonies back. We'll stick to them fast enough." + +Mr. Lavender stared at him for a moment, then, remembering what he had so +often read, he murmured: + +"Aggrandizement is not our object; but we can never forget that so long +as any territory remains in the hands of our treacherous foe the arteries +of our far-flung Empire are menaced at the roots." + +"Right-o," said the Major we've got the chance of our lives, and we're +going to take it." + +Mr. Lavender sat forward a little on his chair. "I shall never admit," +he said, "that we are going to take anything, for that would be contrary +to the principles which we are pledged to support, and to our avowed +intention of seeking only the benefit of the human race; but our inhuman +foes have compelled us to deprive them of the power to injure others. + +"Yes," said the Major, "we must just go on killing Germans and collaring +every bit of their property we can." + +Mr. Lavender sat a little further forward on his chair, and the trouble +in his eyes grew. + +"After all's said and done," continued the Major; "it's a simple war--us +or them! And in the long run it's bound to be us. We've got the cards." +Mr. Lavender started, and said in a weak and wavering voice: + +"We shall never sheathe the sword until----" + +"The whole bag of tricks is in our hands. Might isn't Right, but Right's +Might, Mr. Lavender; ha, ha!" + +Mr. Lavender's eyes lighted on his glass, and he emptied it in his +confusion. When he looked up again he could not see the Major very well, +but could distinctly hear the truculent bonhomie of his voice. + +"Every German ought to be interned; all their property ought to be +confiscated; all their submarines' and Zeppelins' crews ought to be hung; +all German prisoners ought to be treated as they treat our men. We ought +to give 'em no quarter. We ought to bomb their towns out of existence. +I draw the line at their women. Short of that there's nothing too bad +for them. I'd treat 'em like rabbits. Vermin they were, and vermin they +remain." + +During this speech the most astounding experience befell Mr. Lavender, so +that his eyes nearly started from his head. It seemed to him, indeed, +that he was seated at dinner with a Prussian, and the Major's voice had +no sooner ceased its genial rasping than with a bound forward on his +chair, he ejaculated: + +"Behold the man--the Prussian in his jack-boot!" And, utterly oblivious +of the fact that he was addressing Aurora's father, he went on with +almost terrible incoherence: "Although you have conquered this country, +sir, never shall you subdue in my breast the sentiments of liberty and +generosity which make me an Englishman. I abhor you--invader of the +world--trampler underfoot of the humanities--enemy of mankind--apostle of +force! You have blown out the sparks of love and kindliness, and have +for ever robbed the Universe. Prussian!" + +The emphasis with which he spoke that word caused his chair, on the edge +of which he was sitting, to tilt up under him so that he slid under the +table, losing the vision of that figure in helmet and field-grey which he +had been apostrophizing. + +"Hold up!" said a voice, while Blink joined him nervously beneath the +board. + +"Never!" cried Mr. Lavender. "Imprison, maltreat me do what you will. +You have subdued her body, but never will I admit that you have conquered +the honour of Britain and trodden her gentle culture into the mud." + +And, convinced that he would now be dragged away to be confined in some +dungeon on bread and water, he clasped the leg of the dining-table with +all his might, while Blink, sagaciously aware that something peculiar was +occurring to her master, licked the back of his neck. He had been +sitting there perhaps half a minute, with his ears stretched to catch the +half-whispered sounds above, when he saw a shining object appear under +the table, the head, indeed, of the Prussian squatting there to look at +him. + +"Go up, thou bald-head," he called out at once; "I will make no terms +with the destroyer of justice and humanity." + +"All right, my dear sir," replied the head. + +"Will you let my daughter speak to you?" + +"Prussian blasphemer," responded Mr. Lavender, shifting his position so +as to be further away, and clasping instead of the table leg some soft +silken objects, which he was too excited to associate with Aurora, "you +have no daughter, for no woman would own one whose hated presence poisons +this country." + +"Well, well, said the Major. "How shall we get him out?" + +Hearing these words, and believing them addressed to a Prussian guard, +Mr. Lavender clung closer to the objects, but finding them wriggle in his +clasp let go, and, bolting forward like a rabbit on his hands and knees, +came into contact with the Major's head. The sound of the concussion, +the Major's oaths, Mr. Lavender's moans, Blink's barking, and the peals +of laughter from Aurora made up a noise which might have been heard in +Portugal. The situation was not eased until Mr. Lavender crawled out, +and taking up a dinner-knife, rolled his napkin round his arm, and +prepared to defend himself against the German Army. + +"Well, I'm damned," said the Major when he saw these preparations; +"I am damned." + +Aurora, who had been leaning against the wall from laughter, here came +forward, gasping: + +"Go away, Dad, and leave him to me." + +"To you!" cried the Major. "He's not safe!" + +"Oh yes, he is; it's only you that are exciting him. Come along!" + +And taking her father by the arm she conducted him from the room. +Closing the door behind him, and putting her back against it, she said, +gently: + +Dear Don Pickwixote, all danger is past. The enemy has been repulsed, +and we are alone in safety. Ha, ha, ha!" + +Her voice recalled. Mr. Lavender from his strange hallucination. +"What?" he said weakly. + +"Why? Who? Where? When?" + +"You have been dreaming again. Let me take you home, and tuck you into +bed." And taking from him the knife and napkin, she opened the French- +window, and passed out on to the lawn. + +Lavender, who now that his reason had come back, would have followed her +to the death, passed out also, accompanied by Blink, and watched by the +Major, who had put his head in again at the door. Unfortunately, the +spirit moved Mr. Lavender to turn round at this moment, and seeing the +head he cried out in a loud voice: + +"He is there! He is there! Arch enemy of mankind! Let me go and die +under his jackboot, for never over my living body shall he rule this +land. And the infatuated gentleman would certainly have rushed at his +host had not Aurora stayed him by the slack of his nether garments. The +Major withdrawing his head, Mr. Lavender's excitement again passed from +him, and he suffered himself to be led dazedly away and committed to the +charge of Mrs. Petty and Joe, who did not leave him till he was in bed +with a strong bromide to keep him company. + + + + +XVI + +FIGHTS THE FIGHT OF FAITH + +The strenuous experiences through which Mr. Lavender had passed resulted +in what Joe Petty called "a fair knock-out," and he was forced to spend +three days in the seclusion of his bed, deprived of his newspapers. He +instructed Mrs. Petty, however, on no account to destroy or mislay any +journal, but to keep them in a pile in his study. This she did, for +though her first impulse was to light the kitchen fire with the five of +them every morning, deliberate reflection convinced her that twenty +journals read at one sitting would produce on him a more soporific effect +than if he came down to a mere five. + +Mr. Lavender passed his three days, therefore, in perfect repose, feeding +Blink, staring at the ceiling, and conversing with Joe. An uneasy sense +that he had been lacking in restraint caused his mind to dwell on life as +seen by the monthly rather than the daily papers, and to hold with his +chauffeur discussions of a somewhat philosophical character. + +"As regards the government of this country, Joe," he said, on the last +evening of his retirement, "who do you consider really rules? For it is +largely on this that our future must depend." + +"Can't say, sir," answered Joe, "unless it's Botty." + +"I do not know whom or what you signify by that word," replied Mr. +Lavender; "I am wondering if it is the People who rule." + +"The People!" replied Joe;" the People's like a gent in a lunatic asylum, +allowed to 'ave instinks but not to express 'em. One day it'll get aht, +and we shall all step lively." + +"It is, perhaps, Public Opinion," continued Mr. Lavender to himself, "as +expressed in the Press." + +"Not it," said Joe the nearest opinion the Press gets to expressin' is +that of Mayors. 'Ave you never noticed, sir, that when the Press is 'ard +up for support of an opinion that the public don't 'old, they go to the +Mayors, and get 'em in two columns?" + +"Mayors are most valuable public men," said Mr. Lavender. + +"I've nothin' against 'em," replied Joe; "very average lot in their walk +of life; but they ain't the People." + +Mr. Lavender sighed. "What, then, is the People, Joe?" + +"I am," replied Joe; "I've got no opinions on anything except that I want +to live a quiet life--just enough beer and 'baccy, short hours, and no +worry." + +"'If you compare that with the aspirations of Mayors you will see how +sordid such a standard is," said Mr. Lavender, gravely. + +"Sordid it may be, sir," replied Joe; "but there's, a thing abaht it you +'aven't noticed. I don't want to sacrifice nobody to satisfy my +aspirations. Why? Because I've got none. That's priceless. Take the +Press, take Parlyment, take Mayors--all mad on aspirations. Now it's +Free Trade, now it's Imperialism; now it's Liberty in Europe; now it's +Slavery in Ireland; now it's sacrifice of the last man an' the last +dollar. You never can tell what aspiration'll get 'em next. And the +'ole point of an aspiration is the sacrifice of someone else. Don't you +make a mistake, sir. I defy you to make a public speech which 'asn't got +that at the bottom of it." + +"We are wandering from the point, Joe," returned Mr. Lavender. "Who is +it that governs, the country?" + +"A Unseen Power," replied Joe promptly. + +"How?" + +"Well, sir, we're a democratic country, ain't we? Parlyment's elected by +the People, and Gover'ment's elected by Parlyment. All right so far; but +what 'appens? Gover'ment says 'I'm going to do this.' So long as it +meets with the approval of the Unseen Power, well an' good. But what if +it don't? The U.P. gets busy; in an 'undred papers there begins to +appear what the U.P. calls Public Opinion, that's to say the opinion of +the people that agree with the U.P. There you 'ave it, sir, only them-- +and it appears strong. Attacks on the Gover'ment policy, nasty things +said abaht members of it that's indiscreet enough to speak aht what, they +think--German fathers, and other secret vices; an' what's more than all, +not a peep at any opinion that supports the Gover'ment. Well, that goes +on day after day, playin' on the mind of Parlyment, if they've got any, +and gittin' on the Gover'ment's nerves, which they've got weak, till they +says: 'Look 'ere, it's no go; Public Opinion won't stand it. We shall be +outed; and that'll never do, because there's no other set of fellows that +can save this country.' Then they 'ave a meetin' and change their +policy. And what they've never seen is that they've never seen Public +Opinion at all. All they've seen is what the U.P. let 'em. Now if I +was the Gover'ment, I'd 'ave it out once for all with the U. P." + +"Ah!" cried Mr. Lavender, whose eyes were starting from his, head, so +profoundly was he agitated by what was to him a new thought. + +"Yes," continued Joe, "if I was the Gover'ment, next time it 'appened, +I'd say: 'All right, old cock, do your damnedest. I ain't responsible to +you. Attack, suppress, and all the rest of it. We're goin' to do what +we say, all the same!' And then I'd do it. And what'd come of it? +Either the U.P. would go beyond the limits of the Law--and then I'd jump +on it, suppress its papers, and clap it into quod--or it'd take it lyin' +down. Whichever 'appened it'd be all up with the U. P. I'd a broke its +chain off my neck for good. But I ain't the Gover'ment, an Gover'ment's +got tender feet. I ask you, sir, wot's the good of havin' a +Constitooshion, and a the bother of electing these fellows, if they can't +act according to their judgment for the short term of their natural +lives? The U.P. may be patriotic and estimable, and 'ave the best +intentions and all that, but its outside the Constitooshion; and what's +more, I'm not goin' to spend my last blood an' my last money in a +democratic country to suit the tastes of any single man, or triumpherate, +or wotever it may be made of. If the Government's uncertain wot the +country wants they can always ask it in the proper way, but they never +ought to take it on 'earsay from the papers. That's wot I think." + +While he was speaking Mr. Lavender had become excited to the point of +fever, for, without intending it, Joe had laid bare to him a yawning +chasm between his worship of public men and his devotion to the Press. +And no sooner had his chauffeur finished than he cried: "Leave me, Joe, +for I must think this out." + +"Right, sir," answered Joe with his smile, and taking the tea-tray from +off his master, he set it where it must infallibly be knocked over, and +went out. + +"Can it be possible," thought Mr. Lavender, when he was alone, "that I am +serving God and Mammon? And which is God and which is Mammon?" he added, +letting his thoughts play over the countless speeches and leading +articles which had formed his spiritual diet since the war began. "Or, +indeed, are they not both God or both Mammon? If what Joe says is true, +and nothing is recorded save what seems good to this Unseen Power, have I +not been listening to ghosts and shadows; and am I, indeed, myself +anything but the unsubstantial image of a public man? For it is true +that I have no knowledge of anything save what is recorded in the +papers." And perceiving that the very basis of his faith was endangered, +he threw off the bedclothes, and began to pace the room. "Are we, then, +all," he thought, "being bounded like india-rubber balls by an unseen +hand; and is there no one of us strong enough to bounce into the eye of +our bounder and overthrow him? My God, I am unhappy; for it is a +terrible thing not to know which my God is, and whether I am a public man +or an india-rubber ball. "And the more he thought the more dreadful it +seemed to him, now that he perceived that all those journals, pamphlets, +and reports with which his study walls were lined might not be the truth, +but merely authorized versions of it. + +"This," he said aloud, "is a nightmare from which I must awaken or lose +all my power of action and my ability to help my country in its peril." + +And sudden sweat broke out on his brow, for he perceived that he had now +no means of telling even whether there was a peril, so strangely had +Joe's words affected his powers of credulity. + +"But surely," he thought, steadying himself by gripping his washstand, +"there was, at least, a peril once. And yet, how do I know even that, +for I have only been told so ; and the tellers themselves were only told +so by this Unseen Power ; and suppose it has made a mistake or has some +private ends to serve! Oh! it is terrible, and there is no end to it. +"And he shook the crockery in the spasms which followed the first +awakenings of these religious doubts. "Where, then, am I to go," he +cried, "for knowledge of the truth? For even books would seem dependent +on the good opinion of this Unseen Power, and would not reach my eyes +unless they were well spoken of by it." + +And the more he thought the more it seemed to him that nothing could help +him but to look into the eyes of this Unseen Power, so that he might see +for himself whether it was the Angel of Truth or some Demon jumping on +the earth. No sooner had this conviction entered his brain than he +perceived how in carrying out such an enterprise he would not only be +setting his own mind at rest, and re-establishing or abolishing his +faith, but would be doing the greatest service which he could render to +his country and to all public men. "Thus," he thought, "shall I +cannonize my tourney, and serve Aurora, who is the dawn of truth and +beauty in the world. I am not yet worthy, however, of this adventure, +which will, indeed, be far more arduous and distressing to accomplish +than any which I have yet undertaken. What can I do to brighten and +equip my mind and divest it of all those prejudices in which it may +unconsciously have become steeped ? If I could 1eave e earth a short +space and commune with the clouds it might be best. I will go to Hendon +and see if someone will take me up for a consideration; for on earth I +can no longer be sure of anything. + +And having rounded off his purpose with this lofty design, he went back +to bed with his head lighter than a puff-ball. + + + + +XVII + +ADDRESSES THE CLOUDS + +On the morning following his resurrection Mr. Lavender set out very early +for the celebrated flying ground without speaking of his intention to +anyone. At the bottom of the hill he found to his annoyance that Blink +had divined his purpose and was following. This, which compelled him to +walk, greatly delayed his arrival. But chance now favoured him, for he +found he was expected, and at once conducted to a machine which was about +to rise. A taciturn young man, with a long jaw, and wings on his breast, +was standing there gazing at it with an introspective eye. + +"Ready, sir?" he said. + +"Yes," replied Mr. Lavender, enveloped to the eyes in a garment of fur +and leather. "Will you kindly hold my dog?" he added, stroking Blink +with the feeling that he was parting for ever with all that was most dear +to him. + +An attendant having taken hold of her by the collar, Mr. Lavender was +heaved into the machine, where the young airman was already seated in +front of him. + +"Shall I feel sick?" asked Mr. Lavender. + +"Probably," said the young airman. + +"That will not deter me, for the less material I become the better it +will be." + +The young airman turned his head, and Mr. Lavender caught the surprised +yellow of his eye. + +"Hold on," said the airman, "I'm going to touch her off." + +Mr. Lavender held on, and the machine moved but at this moment Blink, +uttering a dismal howl, leapt forward, and, breaking from the attendant's +grasp, landed in the machine against Mr. Lavender's chest. + +"Stop! stop he cried!" my dog. + +"Stuff her down," said the unmoved airman, "between your legs. She's not +the first to go up and won't be the last to come down." + +Mr. Lavender stuffed her down as best he could. "If we are to be +killed," he thought, "it will be together. Blink!" The faithful +creature, who bitterly regretted her position now that the motion had +begun, looked up with a darkened eye at Mr. Lavender, who was stopping +his ears against the horrible noises which had now begun. He ,too, had +become aware of the pit of his stomach; but this sensation soon passed +away in the excitement he felt at getting away from the earth, for they +were already at the height of a house, and rising rapidly. + +"It is not at all like a little bird," he thought, but rather resembles a +slow train on the surface of the sea, or a horse on a switchback merry- +go-round. I feel, however, that my spirit will soon be free, for the +earth is becoming like a board whereon a game is played by an unseen +hand, and I am leaving it." And craning his head out a little too far he +felt his chin knock against his spine. Drawing it in with difficulty he +concentrated his attention upon that purification of his spirit which was +the object of his journey. + +"I am now," he thought, "in the transcendent ether. It should give me an +amazing power of expression such as only the greatest writers and orators +attain; and, divorced as I am rapidly becoming from all sordid reality, +truth will appear to me like one of those stars towards which I am +undoubtedly flying though I cannot as yet see it. + +Blink, who between his legs had hitherto been unconscious of their +departure from the earth, now squirmed irresistibly up till her forepaws +were on her master's chest, and gazed lugubriously at the fearful +prospect. Mr. Lavender clasped her convulsively. They were by now +rapidly nearing a flock of heavenly sheep, which as they approached +became ever more gigantic till they were transformed into monstrous snow- +fleeces intersected by wide drifts of blue. + +"Can it be that we are to adventure above them?" thought Mr. Lavender. +"I hope not, for they seem to me fearful." His alarm was soon appeased, +for the machine began to take a level course a thousand feet, perhaps, +below the clouds, whence little wraiths wandering out now and again +dimmed Mr. Lavender's vision and moistened his brow. + +Blink having retired again between her master's legs, a sense of security +and exaltation was succeeding to the natural trepidation of Mr. +Lavender's mood. "I am now," he thought, "lifted above all petty plots +and passions on the wings of the morning. Soon will great thoughts begin +to jostle in my head, and I shall see the truth of all things made clear +at last." + +But the thoughts did not jostle, a curious lethargy began stealing over +him instead, so that his head fell back, and his mouth fell open. This +might have endured until he returned to earth had not the airman stopped +the engines so that they drifted ruminantly in space below the clouds. +With the cessation of the noise Mr. Lavender's brain regained its +activity, and he was enchanted to hear the voice of his pilot saying: + +"How are you getting on, sir?" + +"As regards the sensation," Mr. Lavender replied, "it is marvellous, for +after the first minute or two, during which the unwonted motion causes a +certain inconvenience, one grasps at once the exhilaration and joy of +this great adventure. To be in motion towards the spheres, and see the +earth laid out like a chess-board below you; to feel the lithe creature +beneath your body responding so freely to every call of its gallant young +pilot; to be filled with the scream of the engines, as of an eagle at +sport; to know that at the least aberration of the intrepid airman we +should be dashed into a million pieces; all this is largely to experience +an experience so unforgettable that one will never--er--er--forget it." + +"Gosh!" said the young airman. + +"Yes," pursued Mr. Lavender, who was now unconsciously reading himself in +his morning's paper, "one can only compare the emotion to that which the +disembodied spirit might feel passing straight from earth to heaven. We +saw at a great depth below us on a narrow white riband of road two +crawling black specks, and knew that they were human beings, the same and +no more than we had been before we left that great common place called +Earth." + +"Gum!" said the young airman, as Lavender paused, "you're getting it +fine, sir! Where will it appear?" + +"Those great fleecy beings the clouds," went on Mr. Lavender, without +taking on the interruption, "seemed to await our coming in the morning +glory of their piled-up snows; and we, with the rarefied air in our +lungs, felt that we must shout to them." And so carried away was Mr. +Lavender by his own style that he really did begin to address the clouds: +"Ghosts of the sky, who creep cold about this wide blue air, we small +adventuring mortals great-hearted salute you. Humbly proud of our daring +have we come to sport with you and the winds of Ouranos, and, in the +rapturous corridors between you, play hide-and seek, avoiding your +glorious moisture with the dips and curves and skimming of our swallow +flights--we, the little unconquerable Spirits of the Squirth!" + +The surprise which Mr. Lavender felt at having uttered so peculiar a +word, in the middle of such a flow of poetry reduced him to sudden +silence. + +"Golly!" said the airman with sudden alarm in his voice. "Hold tight!" +And they began to shoot towards earth faster than they had risen. They +came down, by what seemed a miracle to Mr. Lavender, who was still +contemplative, precisely where they had gone up. A little group was +collected there, and as they stepped out a voice said, "I beg your +pardon," in a tone so dry that it pierced even the fogged condition in +which Mr. Lavender alighted. The gentleman who spoke had a dark +moustache and thick white hair, and, except that he wore a monocle, and +was perhaps three inches taller, bore a striking resemblance to himself. + +"Thank you," he replied, "certainly." + +"No," said the gentleman, "not at all--on the contrary, Who the hell are +you?" + +"A public man," said Mr. Lavender, surprised; "at least," he added +conscientiously, "I am not quite certain." + +"Well," said the gentleman, "you've jolly well stolen my stunt." + +"Who, then, are you?" asked Mr. Lavender. + +"I?" replied the gentleman, evidently intensely surprised that he was not +known; "I--my name----" + +But at this moment Mr. Lavender's attention was diverted by the sight of +Blink making for the horizon, and crying out in a loud voice: "My dog!" +he dropped the coat in which he was still enveloped and set off running +after her at full speed, without having taken in the identity of the +gentleman or disclosed his own. Blink, indeed, scenting another flight +in the air, had made straight for the entrance of the enclosure, and +finding a motor cab there with the door open had bolted into it, taking +it for her master's car. Mr. Lavender sprang in after her. At the shake +which this imparted to the cab, the driver, who had been dozing, turned +his head. + +"Want to go back, sir?" he said. + +"Yes," replied Mr. Lavender, breathless; "London." + + + + +XVIII + +SEES TRUTH FACE TO FACE + +"I fear," thought Mr. Lavender, as they sped towards Town, "that I have +inadvertently taken a joy-ride which belonged to that distinguished +person with the eyeglass. No matter, my spirit is now bright for the +adventure I have in hand. If only I knew where I could find the Unseen +Power--but possibly its movements may be recorded in these journals. +"And taking from his pocket his morning papers, which he had not yet had +time to peruse, he buried himself in their contents. He was still deeply +absorbed when the cab stopped and the driver knocked on the window. Mr. +Lavender got out, followed by Blink, and was feeling in his pocket for +the fare when an exclamation broke from the driver: + +"Gorblimy! I've brought the wrong baby!" + +And before Mr. Lavender had recovered from his surprise, he had whipped +the car round and was speeding back towards the flying ground. + +"How awkward!" thought Mr. Lavender, who was extremely nice in money +matters; "what shall I do now?" And he looked around him. There, as it +were by a miracle, was the office of a great journal, whence obviously +his distinguished colleague had set forth to the flying grounds, and to +which he had been returned in error by the faithful driver. + +Perceiving in all this the finger of Providence, Mr. Lavender walked in. +Those who have followed his experiences so far will readily understand +how no one could look on Mr. Lavender without perceiving him to be a man +of extreme mark, and no surprise need be felt when he was informed that +the Personage he sought was on the point of visiting Brighton to open a +hospital, and might yet be overtaken at Victoria Station. + +With a beating heart he took up the trail in another taxi-cab, and, +arriving at Victoria, purchased tickets for himself and Blink, and +inquired for the Brighton train. + +"Hurry up!" replied the official. Mr. Lavender ran, searching the +carriage windows for any indication of his objective. The whistle had +been blown, and he was in despair, when his eye caught the label +"Reserved" on a first-class window, and looking in he saw a single person +evidently of the highest consequence smoking a cigar, surrounded by +papers. Without a moment's hesitation he opened the door, and, preceded +by Blink, leaped in. "This carriage is reserved, sir," said the +Personage, as the train moved out. + +"I know," said Mr. Lavender, who had fallen on to the edge of the seat +opposite; "and only the urgency of my business would have caused me to +violate the sanctity of your retreat, for, believe me, I have the +instincts if not the habits of a gentleman." + +The Personage, who had made a move of his hand as if to bring the train +to a standstill, abandoning his design, replaced his cigar, and +contemplated Mr. Lavender from above it. + +The latter remained silent, returning that remarkable stare, while Blink +withdrew beneath the seat and pressed her chin to the ground, savouring +the sensation of a new motion. + +"Yes," he thought, "those eyes have an almost superhuman force and +cunning. They are the eyes of a spider in the centre of a great web. +They seem to draw me." + +"You are undoubtedly the Unseen Power, sir," he said suddenly, "and I +have reached the heart of the mystery. From your own lips I shall soon +know whether I am a puppet or a public man." + +The Personage, who by his movements was clearly under the impression that +he had to do with a lunatic, sat forward with his hands on his knees +ready to rise at a moment's notice; he kept his cigar in his mouth, +however, and an enforced smile on the folds of his face. + +"What can I do for you, sir?" he said. + +"Will you have a cigar?" + +"No, thank you," replied Mr. Lavender, "I must keep the eyes of my spirit +clear, and come to the point. Do you rule this country or do you not? +For it is largely on the answer to this that my future depends. In +telling others what to do am I speaking as my conscience or as your +conscience dictates; and, further, if indeed I am speaking as your +conscience dictates, have you a conscience?" + +The Personage, who had evidently made up his mind to humour the intruder, +flipped the ash off his cigar. + +Well, sir, he said, I don't know who the devil you may be, but my +conscience is certainly as good as yours." + +"That," returned Mr: Lavender with a sigh, is a great relief, for whether +you rule the country or not, you are undoubtedly the source from which I, +together with the majority of my countrymen, derive our inspirations. +You are the fountainhead at which we draw and drink. And to know that +your waters are pure, unstained by taint of personal prejudice and the +love of power, will fortify us considerably. Am I to assume, then, that +above all passion and pettiness, you are an impersonal force whose +innumerable daily editions reflect nothing but abstract truth, and are in +no way the servants of a preconceived and personal view of the +situation?" + +"You want to know too much, don't you think?" said the Personage with a +smile. + +"How can that be, sir?" asked Mr. Lavender: If you are indeed the +invisible king swaying the currents of national life, and turning its +tides at will, it is essential that we should believe in you; and before +we can believe in you must we not know all about you?" + +"By Jove, sir," replied the Personage, "that strikes me as being contrary +to all the rules of religion. I thought faith was the ticket." + +By this answer Mr. Lavender was so impressed that he sat for a moment in +silence, with his eyebrow working up and down. + +"Sir," he said at last, "you have given me a new thought. If you are +right, to disbelieve in you and the acts which you perform, or rather the +editions which you issue, is blasphemy." + +"I should think so," said the Personage, emitting a long whiff of smoke. +Hadn't that ever occurred to you before?" + +"No," replied Mr. Lavender, naively, "for I have never yet disbelieved +anything in those journals." + +The Personage coughed heartily. + +"I have always regarded them," went on Mr. Lavender, "as I myself should +wish to be regarded, 'without fear and without reproach.' For that is, +as I understand it, the principle on which a gentleman must live, ever +believing of others what he would wish believed of himself. With the +exception of Germans," he added hastily. + +"Naturally," returned the Personage. "And I'll defy you to find anything +in them which disagrees with that formula. Everything they print refers +to Germans if not directly then obliquely. Germans are the 'idee fixe', +and without an 'idee fixe', as you know, there's no such thing as +religion. Do you get me?" + +"Yes, indeed," cried Mr. Lavender, enthused, for the whole matter now +seemed to him to fall into coherence, and, what was more, to coincide +with his preconceptions, so that he had no longer any doubts. "You, sir- +-the Unseen Power--are but the crystallized embodiment of the national +sentiment in time of war; in serving you, and fulfilling the ideas which +you concrete in your journals, we public men are servants of the general +animus, which in its turn serves the blind and burning instinct of +justice. This is eminently satisfactory to me, who would wish no better +fate than to be a humble lackey in that house." He had no sooner, +however, spoken those words than Joe Petty's remarks about Public Opinion +came back to him, and he added: "But are you really the general animus, +or are you only the animus of Mayors, that is the question?" + +The personage seemed to follow this thought with difficulty. "What's +that?" he said. + +Mr. Lavender ran his hands through his hair. + +"And turns," he said, "on what is the unit of national feeling and +intelligence? Is it or is it not a Mayor?" + +The Personage smiled. "Well, what do you think?" he said. "Haven't you +ever heard them after dinner? There's no question about it. Make your +mind easy if that's your only trouble." + +Mr. Lavender, greatly cheered by the genial certainty in this answer, +said: "I thank you, sir. I shall go back and refute that common scoffer, +that caster of doubts. I have seen the Truth face, to face, and am +greatly encouraged to further public effort. With many apologies I can +now get out," he added, as the train stopped at South Croydon. "Blink!" +And, followed by his dog, he stepped from the train. + +The Personage, who was indeed no other than the private secretary of the +private secretary of It whom Mr. Lavender had designated as the Truth +watched him from the window. + +"Well, that WAS a treat, dear papa!" he murmured to himself, emitting a +sigh of smoke after his retreating interlocutor. + + + + +XIX + +IS IN PERIL OF THE STREET + +On the Sunday following this interview with the Truth Mr. Lavender, who +ever found the day of rest irksome to his strenuous spirit, left his +house after an early supper. It, had been raining all day, but the +sinking sun had now emerged and struck its level light into the tree tops +from a still cloudy distance. Followed by Blink, he threaded the puddled +waste which lies to the west of the Spaniard's Road, nor was it long +before the wild beauty of the scene infected his spirit, and he stood +still to admire the world spread out. The smoke rack of misted rain was +still drifting above the sunset radiance in an apple-green sky; and +behind Mr. Lavender, as he gazed at those clouds symbolical of the +world's unrest, a group of tall, dark pine-trees, wild and witch-like, +had collected as if in audience of his cosmic mood. He formed a striking +group for a painter, with the west wind flinging back his white hair, and +fluttering his dark moustache along his cheeks, while Blink, a little in +front of him, pointed at the prospect and emitted barks whose vigour +tossed her charming head now to this side now to that. + +"How beautiful is this earth!" thought Mr. Lavender, "and how simple to +be good and happy thereon. Yet must we journey ten leagues beyond the +wide world's end to find justice and liberty. There are dark powers like +lions ever in the path. Yes," he continued, turning round to the +pinetrees, who were creaking slightly in the wind, "hate and oppression, +greed, lust, and ambition! There you stand malevolently regarding me. +Out upon you, dark witches of evil! If I had but an axe I would lay you +lower than the dust." But the poor pine-trees paid no attention save to +creak a little louder. And so incensed was Mr. Lavender by this +insensibility on the part of those which his own words had made him +perceive were the powers of darkness that he would very likely have +barked his knuckles on them if Blink by her impatience had not induced +him to resume his walk and mount on to the noble rampart of the +Spaniard's Road. + +Along this he wandered and down the hill with the countless ghosts and +shadows of his brain, liberating the world in fancy from all the +hindrances which beset the paths of public men, till dark fell, and he +was compelled to turn towards home. Closely attended by the now sobered +Blink he had reached the Tube Station when he perceived in the inky war- +time dusk that a woman was following him. Dimly aware that she was tall +and graceful he hurried to avoid her, but before long could but note that +she was walking parallel and turning her face towards him. Her gloved +hand seemed to make a beckoning movement, and perceiving at once that he +was the object of that predatory instinct which he knew from the many +letters and protests in his journals to be one of the most distressing +features of the War, he would have broken into a run if he had not been +travelling up-hill; being deprived of this means of escape, his public +nature prevailed, and he saw that it was his duty to confront the woman, +and strike a blow at, the national evil stalking beside him. But he was +in a difficulty, for his natural delicacy towards women seemed to +preclude him from treating her as if she were what she evidently was, +while his sense of duty--urged him with equal force to do so. + +A whiff of delicious scent determined him. Madam," he said, without +looking in her face, which, indeed, was not visible--so great was the +darkness, "it is useless to pursue one who not only has the greatest +veneration for women but regards you as a public danger at a time when +all the energies of the country should be devoted to the defeat of our +common enemies." + +The woman, uttering a sound like a laugh, edged towards him, and Mr. +Lavender edged away, so that they proceeded up the street crabwise, with +Blink adhering jealously to her master's heels. + +"Do you know," said Mr. Lavender, with all the delicacy in his power, +"how terribly subversive of the national effort it is to employ your +beauty and your grace to snare and slacken the sinews of our glorious +youth? The mystery of a woman's glance in times like these should be +used solely to beckon our heroes on to death in the field. But you, +madam, than whom no one indeed has a more mysterious glance, have turned +it to ends which, in the words of a great public man, profane the temple +of our--our----" + +Mr. Lavender stopped, for his delicacy would not allow him even in so +vital a cause to call bodies bodies. The woman here edged so close that +he bolted across her in affright, and began to slant back towards the +opposite side of the street. + +"Madam," he said, you must have perceived by now that I am, alas! not +privileged by age to be one of the defenders of my country; and though I +am prepared to yield to you, if by so doing I can save some young hero +from his fate, I wish you to clearly understand that only my sense of +duty as a public man would induce me to do any such thing." At this he +turned his eyes dreadfully upon her graceful form still sidling towards +him, and, conscious again of that delightful scent, felt a swooning +sensation which made him lean against a lamp-post. "Spare me, madam," he +said in a faint voice for my country's sake I am ready to do anything, +but I must tell you that I worship another of your sex from afar, and if +you are a woman you will not seek to make me besmirch that adoration or +imperil my chivalry." + +So saying, he threw his arms round the lamppost and closed his eyes, +expecting every moment to be drawn away against his will into a life of +vice. + +A well-known voice, strangled to the pitch almost of inaudibility, said +in his ear: + +"Oh, Don Pickwixote, Don Pickwixote, you will be the death of me!" + +Electrified, Mr. Lavender opened his eyes, and in the dull orange rays of +the heavily shaded lamp he saw beside him no other than the writhing, +choking figure of Aurora herself. Shocked beyond measure by the mistake +he had made, Mr. Lavender threw up his hands and bolted past her through +the gateway of his garden; nor did he cease running till he had reached +his bedroom and got under the bed, so terribly was he upset. There, in +the company of Blink, he spent perhaps the most shame-stricken hours of +his existence, cursing the memory of all those bishops and novelists who +had caused him to believe that every woman in a dark street was a danger +to the State; nor could the persuasion of Mrs. Petty or Joe induce him to +come out, so that in despair they were compelled to leave him to pass the +night in this penitential position, which he did without even taking out +his teeth. + + + + +XX + +RECEIVES A REVELATION + +Fully a week elapsed before Mr. Lavender recovered from the effects of +the night which he had spent under his bed and again took his normal +interest in the course of national affairs. That which at length tore +him from his torpid condition and refixed his imagination was an article +in one of, his journals on the League of Nations, which caused him +suddenly to perceive that this was the most important subject of the day. +Carefully extracting the address of the society who had the matter in +hand, he determined to go down forthwith and learn from their own lips +how he could best induce everybody to join them in their noble +undertaking. Shutting every window, therefore and locking Blink +carefully into his study, he set forth and took the Tube to Charing +Cross. + +Arriving at the premises indicated he made his way in lifts and corridors +till he came to the name of this great world undertaking upon the door of +Room 443, and paused for a moment to recover from the astonishment he +felt that the whole building at least was not occupied by the energies of +such a prodigious association. + +"Appearances, however, are deceptive," he thought; "and from a single +grain of mustard-seed whole fields will flower." He knocked on the door, +therefore, and receiving the reply, "Cub id," in a female voice, he +entered a room where two young ladies with bad colds were feebly tapping +type-writers. + +"Can I see the President?" asked Mr. Lavender. + +"Dot at the bobent," said one of the young ladies. "Will the Secretary +do?" + +"Yes," replied Mr. Lavender "for I seek information." + +The young ladies indulged in secret confabulation, from which the +perpetual word "He" alone escaped to Mr. Lavender's ears. + +Then one of them slipped into an inner room, leaving behind her a +powerful trail of eucalyptus. She came back almost directly, saying, +"Go id." + +The room which Mr Lavender entered contained two persons, one seated at a +bureau and the other pacing up and down and talking in a powerful bass +voice. He paused, looked at Mr. Lavender from under bushy brows, and at +once went on walking and talking, with a sort of added zest. + +"This must be He," thought Mr. Lavender, sitting down to listen, for +there was something about the gentleman which impressed him at once. He +had very large red ears, and hardly a hair on his head, while his full, +bearded face and prominent eyes were full of force and genius. + +"It won't do a little bit, Titmarsh," he was saying, "to allow the +politicians to meddle in this racket. We want men of genius, whose +imaginations carry them beyond the facts of the moment. This is too big +a thing for those blasted politicians. They haven't shown a sign so far +of paying attention to what I've been telling them all this time. We +must keep them out, Titmarsh. Machinery without mechanism, and a change +of heart in the world. It's very simple. A single man of genius from +each country, no pettifogging opposition, no petty prejudices." + +The other gentleman, whom Mr. Lavender took for the Secretary, and who +was leaning his head rather wearily on his hand, interjected: "Quite so! +And whom would you choose besides yourself? In France, for instance?" + +He who was walking stopped a moment, again looked at Mr. Lavender +intently, and again began to speak as if he were not there. + +"France?" he said. "There isn't anybody--Anatole's too old--there isn't +anybody." + +"America, then?" hazarded the Secretary. + +"America!" replied the other; "they haven't got even half a man. There's +that fellow in Germany that I used to influence; but I don't know--no, I +don't think he'd be any good." + +"D'Annunzio, surely----" began the Secretary. + +"D'Annunzio? My God! D'Annunzio! No! There's nobody in Italy or +Holland--she's as bankrupt as Spain; and there's not a cat in Austria. +Russia might, perhaps, give us someone, but I can't at the moment think +of him. No, Titmarsh, it's difficult." + +Mr. Lavender had been growing more and more excited at each word he +overheard, for a scheme of really stupendous proportions was shaping +itself within him. He suddenly rose, and said: "I have an idea." + +The Secretary sat up as if he had received a Faradic shock, and he who +was walking up and down stood still. "The deuce you have, sir," he said. + +"Yes," cried Mr. Lavender and in concentration and marvellous simplicity +it has, I am sure, never been surpassed. It is clear to me, sir, that +you, and you alone, must be this League of Nations. For if it is +entirely in your hands there will be no delay. The plan will spring full +fledged from the head of Jove, and this great and beneficial change in +the lot of mankind will at once become an accomplished fact. There will +be no need for keeping in touch with human nature, no call for patience +and all that laborious upbuilding stone by stone which is so apt to +discourage mankind and imperil the fruition of great reforms. No, sir; +you--you must be this League, and we will all work to the end that +tomorrow at latest there may be perfected this crowning achievement of +the human species." + +The gentleman, who had commenced to walk again, looked furtively from Mr. +Lavender to the Secretary, and said: + +"By Jingo! some idea!" + +"Yes," cried Mr. Lavender, entranced that his grand notion should be at +once accepted; "for it is only men like you who can both soaringly +conceive and immediately concrete in action; and, what is more, there +will be no fear of your tiring of this job and taking up another, for you +will be IT; and one cannot change oneself." + +The gentleman looked at Mr. Lavender very suddenly at the words "tiring +of this job," and transferred his gaze to the Secretary, who had bent his +face down to his papers, and was smothering a snigger with his hand. + +"Who are you, sir?" he said sharply. + +"Merely one," returned Mr. Lavender, "who wishes to do all in his power +to forward a project so fraught with beneficence to all mankind. I count +myself fortunate beyond measure to have come here this morning and found +the very Heart of the matter, the grain of mustard-seed." + +The gentleman, who had begun to walk again, here muttered words which +would have sounded like "Damned impudence" if Mr. Lavender had not been +too utterly carried away by his idea to hear them. + +"I shall go forth at once," he said, "and make known the good tidings +that the fields are sown, the League formed. Henceforth there are no +barriers between nations, and the reign of perpetual Peace is assured. +It is colossal." + +The gentleman abruptly raised his boot, but, seeming to think better of +it, lowered it again, and turned away to the window. + +Mr. Lavender, having bowed to his back, went out, and, urged on by his +enthusiasm, directed his steps at once towards Trafalgar Square. + +Arriving at this hub of the universe he saw that Chance was on his side, +for a meeting was already in progress, and a crowd of some forty persons +assembled round one of the lions. Owing to his appearance Mr. Lavender +was able without opposition to climb up on the plinth and join the +speaker, a woman of uncertain years. He stood there awaiting his turn +and preparing his oration, while she continued her discourse, which +seemed to be a protest against any interference with British control of +the freedom of the seas. A Union Jack happened to be leaning against the +monument, and when she had at last finished, Mr. Lavender seized it and +came forward to the edge. + +"Great tidings!" he said at once, waving the flag, and without more ado +plunged into an oration, which, so far as it went, must certainly +be ranked among his masterpieces. "Great tidings, Friends! I have +planted the grain of mustard seed or, in common parlance, have just come +from the meeting which has incepted the League of Nations; and it will be +my task this morning briefly to make known to you the principles which in +future must dominate the policy of the world. Since it is for the closer +brotherhood of man and the reign of perpetual peace that we are +struggling, we must first secure the annihilation of our common enemies. +Those members of the human race whose infamies have largely placed them +beyond the pale must be eliminated once for all." + +Loud cheers greeted this utterance, and stimulated by the sound Mr. +Lavender proceeded: " What, however, must the civilized nations do when +at last they have clean sheets? In the first place, all petty prejudices +and provincial aspirations must be set aside; and though the world must +be firmly founded upon the principle of nationality it must also act as +one great people. This, my fellow-countrymen, is no mere contradiction +in terms, for though in their new solidarities each nation will be +prouder of itself, and more jealous of its good name and independence +than ever, that will not prevent its' sacrificing its inalienable rights +for the good of the whole human nation of which it is a member. Friends, +let me give you a simple illustration, which in a nutshell will make the +whole thing clear. We, here in Britain, are justly proud and tenacious +of our sea power--in the words of the poet, 'We hold all the gates of the +water.' Now it is abundantly and convincingly plain that this reinforced +principle of nationality bids us to retain and increase them, while +internationalism bids us give--them up." + +His audience--which had hitherto listened with open mouths, here closed +them, and a strident voice exclaimed: + +"Give it a name, gov'nor. D'you say we ought to give up Gib? + +This word pierced Mr. Lavender, standing where he was, to the very +marrow, and he fell into such confusion of spirit that his words became +inaudible. + +"My God!" he thought, appalled; "is it possible that I have not got to +the bottom of this question?" And, turning his back on the audience, he +gazed in a sort of agony at the figure of Nelson towering into the sky +above him. He was about to cry out piteously: "Countrymen, I know not +what I think. Oh! I am unhappy!" when he inadvertently stepped back +over the edge of the plinth, and, still entangled in the flag, was picked +up by two policemen and placed in a dazed condition and a deserted spot +opposite the National Gallery. + +It was while he was standing there, encircled by, pigeons and forgotten +by his fellow man, that there came to him a spiritual revelation. +"Strange!" he thought; "I notice a certain inconsistency in myself, and +even in my utterances. I am two men, one of whom is me and one not me; +and the one which is not me is the one which causes me to fall into the +arms of policemen and other troubles. The one which is me loves these +pigeons, and desires to live quietly with my dog, not considering public +affairs, which, indeed, seem to be suited to persons of another sort. +Whence, then, comes the one which is not me? Can it be that it is +derived from the sayings and writings of others, and is but a spurious +spirit only meet to be outcast? Do I, to speak in the vernacular, care +any buttons whether we stick to Gibraltar or not so long as men do but +live in kindness? And if that is so, have I the right to say I do? +Ought I not, rather, to be true to my private self and leave the course +of public affairs to those who have louder voices and no private selves?" +The thought was extremely painful, for it seemed to disclose to him grave +inconsistency in the recent management of his life. And, thoroughly +mortified, he turned round with a view of entering the National Gallery +and soothing his spirit with art, when he was arrested by the placard +which covered it announcing which town had taken which sum of bonds. +This lighted up such a new vista of public utility that his brain would +certainly have caught fire again if one of the policemen who had +conducted him across the Square had not touched him on the arm, and said: + +"How are you now, sir?" + +"I am pretty well, thank you, policeman," replied Mr. Lavender, "and +sorry that I occasioned so much disturbance." + +"Don't mention it, sir," answered the policeman; "you came a nasty +crump." + +"Tell me," said Mr. Lavender, suddenly looking up into his face, "do you +consider that a man is justified in living a private life? For, as +regards my future, it is largely on your opinion that I shall act." + +The policeman, whose solid face showed traces of astonishment, answered +slowly: "As a general thing, a man's private life don't bear lookin' +into, as you know, sir." + +"I have not lived one for some time," said Mr. Lavender. + +"Well," remarked the policeman, "if you take my advice you won't try it +a-gain. I should say you 'adn't the constitution." + +"I fear you do not catch my meaning," returned Mr. Lavender, whose whole +body was aching from his fall; "it is my public life which tries me." + +"Well, then, I should chuck it," said the policeman. + +"Really?" murmured Mr. Lavender eagerly "would you?" + +"Why not?" said the -policeman. + +So excited was Mr. Lavender by this independent confirmation of his +sudden longing that he took out half a crown. + +"You will oblige me greatly," he said, by accepting this as a token of my +gratitude." + +"Well, sir, I'll humour you," answered the policeman; "though it was no +trouble, I'm sure; you're as light as a feather. Goin' anywhere in +particular?" he added. + +"Yes," said Mr. Lavender, rather faintly, "the Tube Station." + +"Come along with me, then." + +Mr. Lavender went along, not sorry to have the protection of that +stalwart form, for his nerve was shaken, not so much by physical +suffering as by the revelation he had received. + +"If you'll take my tip, sir," said the policeman, parting from him, "you +won't try no private life again; you don't look strong." + +"Thank you, policeman," said Mr. Lavender musingly; "it is kind of you to +take an interest in me. Good-bye!" + +Safely seated in the Tube for Hampstead he continued the painful struggle +of his meditations. "If, indeed," he thought, "as a public man I do more +harm than good, I am prepared to sacrifice all for my country's sake and +retire into private life. But the policeman said that would be dangerous +for me. What, then, is left? To live neither a public nor a private +life!" + +This thought, at once painful and heroic, began to take such hold of him +that he arrived at his house in a high fever of the brain. + + + + +XXI + +AND ASCENDS TO PARADISE + +Now when Mr. Lavender once slept over an idea it became so strong that no +power on earth could prevent his putting it into execution, and all night +long he kept Blink awake by tramping up and down his bedroom and planning +the details of such a retirement as would meet his unfortunate case. For +at once he perceived that to retire from both his lives without making +the whole world know of it would be tantamount to not retiring. "Only by +a public act," he thought, "of so striking a character that nobody can +miss it can I bring the moral home to all public and private men." And a +hundred schemes swarmed like ants in his brain. Nor was it till the cock +crew that one adequate to this final occasion occurred to him. + +"It will want very careful handling," he thought, "for otherwise I shall +be prevented, and perhaps even arrested in the middle, which will be both +painful and ridiculous. So sublime, however, was his idea that he shed +many tears over it, and often paused in his tramping to regard the +unconscious Blink with streaming eyes. All the next day he went about +the house and heath taking a last look at objects which had been dear, +and at mealtimes ate and drank even less than usual, absorbed by the +pathos of his coming renunciation. He determined to make his +preparations for the final act during the night, when Mrs. Petty would be +prevented by Joe's snoring from hearing the necessary sounds; and at +supper he undertook the delicate and harrowing task of saying good-bye +to, his devoted housekeeper without letting her know that he, was doing +it. + +"Mrs--Petty," he said, trifling with a morsel of cheese, "it is useless +to disguise, from you that I may be going a journey, and I feel that I +shall not be able to part from all the care you have, bestowed on me +without recording in words my heartfelt appreciation of your devotion. I +shall miss it, I shall miss it terribly, if, that is, I am permitted to +miss anything. + +Mrs. Petty, whose mind instantly ran to his bed socks, answered: "Don't +you worry, sir; I won't forget them. But wherever are you going now?" + +"Ah!" said Mr. Lavender subtly, "it is all in the air at present; but now +that the lime-trees are beginning to smell a certain restlessness is upon +me, and you may see some change in my proceedings. Whatever happens to +me, however, I commit my dear Blink to your care; feed her as if she were +myself, and love her as if she were Joe, for it is largely on food and +affection that dogs depend for happiness. + +"Why, good gracious, sir," said Mrs. Petty, "you talk as if you were +going for a month of Sundays. Are you thinking of Eastbourne?" + +Mr. Lavender sighed deeply at that word, for the memory of a town where +he had spent many happy days added to the gentle melancholy of his +feelings on this last evening. + +"As regards that I shall not inform you at present; for, indeed, I am by +no means certain what my destination will be. Largely speaking, no pub-- +public man," he stammered, doubtful whether he was any longer that, +"knows where he will be going to-morrow. Sufficient unto the day are the +intentions in his head. + +"Well, sir," said Mrs. Petty frankly, "you can't go anywhere without Joe +or me, that's flat." + +Mr. Lavender smiled. + +"Dear Mrs. Petty," he murmured, "there are sacrifices one cannot demand +even of the most faithful friends. But," he went on with calculated +playfulness, "we need not consider that point until the day after to- +morrow at least, for I have much to do in the meantime." + +Reassured by those words and the knowledge that Mr. Lavender's plans +seldom remained the same for more than two days, Mrs. Petty tossed her +head slightly and went to the door. "Well, it is a mystery, I'm sure," +she said. + +"I should like to see Joe," said Mr. Lavender, with a lingering look at +his devoted housekeeper. + +"The beauty!" muttered Mrs. Petty; "I'll send him," and withdrew. + +Giving the morsel of cheese to Blink, who, indeed, had eaten practically +the whole of this last meal, Mr. Lavender took the moon-cat on his +shoulder, and abandoned himself for a moment to the caresses of his two +favourites. + +"Blink," he said in a voice which trembled slightly, "be good to this +moon-cat while I am away; and if I am longer than you expect, darling, do +not be unhappy. Perhaps some day you will rejoin me; and even if we are +not destined to meet again, I would not, in the fashion of cruel men, +wish to hinder your second marriage, or to stand in the way of your happy +forgetfulness of me. Be as light-hearted as you can, my dear, and wear +no mourning for your master." + +So saying, he flung his arms round her, and embraced her warmly, inhaling +with the most poignant emotion her sheep-like odour. He was still +engaged with her when the door was opened, and Joe came in. + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender resolutely, "sit down and light your pipe. You +will find a bottle of pre-war port in the sideboard. Open it, and, drink +my health; indeed, I myself will drink it too, for it may give me +courage. We have been good friends, Joe," he went on while Joe was +drawing the cork," and have participated in pleasant and sharp +adventures. I have called you in at this moment, which may some day seem +to you rather solemn, partly to shake your hand and partly to resume the +discussion on public men which we held some days ago, if you remember." + +"Ah!" said Joe, with his habitual insouciance, "when I told you that they +give me the 'ump. + +Yes, what abaht it, sir? 'Ave they been sayin' anything particular +vicious?" His face flying up just then with the cork which he was +extracting encountered the expression on Mr. Lavender's visage, and he +added: "Don't take wot I say to 'eart, sir; try as you like you'll never +be a public man." + +Those words, which seemed to Mr. Lavender to seal his doom, caused a +faint pink flush to invade his cheeks. + +"No," continued Joe, pouring out the wine; you 'aven't got the brass in +times like these. I dare say you've noticed, sir, that the times is +favourable for bringing out the spots on the body politic. 'Ere's +'ealth!" + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender, raising the glass to his lips with solemnity, +"I wish you a most happy and prosperous life. Let us drink to all those +qualities which make you par excellence one of that great race, the best +hearted in the world, which never thinks of to-morrow, never knows when +it is beaten, and seldom loses its sense of humour. + +"Ah!" returned Joe enigmatically, half-closing one of his greenish eyes, +and laying the glass to one side of his reddish nose. Then, with a quick +movement, he swallowed its contents and refilled it before Mr. Lavender +had succeeded in absorbing more than a drop. + +"I don't say," he continued, "but what there's a class o' public man +that's got its uses, like the little 'un that keeps us all alive, or the +perfect English gentleman what did his job, and told nobody nothin' abaht +it. You can 'ave confidence in a man like that----that's why 'e's gone +an' retired; 'e's civilized, you see, the finished article; but all this +raw material, this 'get-on' or 'get-out' lot, that's come from 'oo knows +where, well, I wish they'd stayed there with their tell-you-how-to-do-it +and their 'ymns of 'ate." + +"Joe," said Mr. Lavender, "are you certain that therein does not speak +the snob inherent in the national bosom? Are you not unconsciously +paying deference to the word gentleman?" + +"Why not, sir?" replied Joe, tossing off his second glass. "It'd be a +fine thing for the country if we was all gentlemen--straight, an' a +little bit stupid, and 'ad 'alf a thought for others." And he refilled +his master's glass. "I don't measure a gentleman by 'is money, or 'is +title, not even by 'is clothes--I measure 'im by whether he can stand +'avin' power in 'is 'ands without gettin' unscrupled or swollen 'eaded, +an' whether 'e can do what he thinks right without payin' attention, to +clamour. But, mind you, 'e's got to 'ave right thoughts too, and a +feelin' 'eart. 'Ere's luck, sir. + +Mr. Lavender, who, absorbed in his chauffeur's sentiments, had now drunk +two glasses, rose from his, chair, and clutching his hair said: "I will +not conceal from you, Joe, that I have always assumed every public man +came up to that standard, at least." + +"Crikey said Joe. 'Ave you really, sir? My Gawd! Got any use for the +rest of this bottle?" + +"No, Joe, no. I shall never have use for a bottle again." + +"In that case I might as well," said Joe, pouring what remained into a +tumbler and drinking it off. "Is there any other topic you'd like to +mention? If I can 'ave any influence on you, I shall be very glad." + +"Thank you, Joe," returned Mr. Lavender, "what I have most need of at +this moment is solitude and your good wishes. And will you kindly take +Blink away, and when she has had her run, place her in my bedroom, with +the window closed. Good-night, Joe. Call me late tomorrow morning. + +"Certainly, sir. Good-night, sir." + +"Good-night, Joe. Shake hands." + +When Joe was gone, accompanied by the unwilling Blink, turning her +beautiful dark eyes back to the last, Mr. Lavender sat down at his +bureau, and drawing a sheet of paper to him, wrote at the top of it. + + "My last Will and Testament." + +It was a long time before he got further, and then entirely omitted to +leave anything in it, completely preoccupied by the preamble, which +gradually ran as follows: + + "I, John Lavender, make known to all men by these presents that the + act which I contemplate is symbolical, and must in no sense be taken + as implying either weariness of life or that surrender to misfortune + which is unbecoming to an English public gentleman." (Over this + description of himself Mr. Lavender was obliged to pause some time + hovering between the two designations, and finally combining them as + the only way out of his difficulty.) "Long and painful experience + has convinced me that only by retiring from the former can I retain + the latter character, and only by retiring from both can I point the + moral ever demanded by my countrymen. Conscious, indeed, that a + mere act of private resignation would have no significance to the + body politic, nor any deflecting influence on the national life, I + have chosen rather to disappear in blue flame, so that every + Englishman may take to heart my lesson, and learn from my strange + fate how to be himself uninfluenced by the verbiage of others. At + the same time, with the utmost generosity, I wish to acknowledge in + full my debt towards all those great writers and speakers on the war + who have exercised so intoxicating an influence on my mind." (Here + followed an alphabetical list of names beginning with B and ending + with S.) + + "I wish to be dissociated firmly from the views of my chauffeur Joe + Petty, and to go to my last account with an emphatic assertion that + my failure to become a perfect public gentleman is due to private + idiosyncrasies rather than to any conviction that it is impossible, + or to anything but admiration of the great men I have mentioned. If + anybody should wish to paint me after I am dead, I desire that I may + he represented with my face turned towards the Dawn; for it is at + that moment so symptomatic of a deep adoration--which I would scorn + to make the common property of gossiping tongues--that I intend to + depart. If there should be anything left of me--which is less than + probable considering the inflammatory character of the material I + design for my pyre--I would be obliged if, without giving anybody + any trouble, it could be buried in my garden, with the usual + Hampstead tablet. + + "'JOHN LAVENDER, + THE PUBLIC MAN, WHO DIED FOR HIS + COUNTRY'S GOOD, LIVED HERE.' + + "In conclusion, I would say a word to that land I have loved and + served: 'Be not extreme! Distrust the words, of others. To + yourself be true! As you are strong be gentle, as you are brave be + modest! Beloved country, farewell!'" + + + +Having written that final sentence he struggled long with himself before +he could lay down the pen. But by this time the port he had drunk had +begun to have its usual effect, and he fell into a doze, from which he +was awakened five hours later by the beams of a full moon striking in on +him. + +"The hour has come," he thought, and, opening the French-window, he went +out on to the lawn, where the dew lay white. The freshness in the air, +the glamour of the moonlight, and the fumes of the port combined to make +him feel strangely rhumantic, and if he had possessed a musical +instrument he would very likely have begun to play on it. He spent some +moments tracking to and fro in the dew before he settled on the centre of +the lawn as the most suitable spot for the act which he contemplated, for +thence he would be able to turn his last looks towards Aurora's bedroom- +window without interference from foliage. Having drawn a twelve-foot +circle in the dew with his toe he proceeded in the bright moonlight to +the necessary accumulation of his funeral pile, conveying from his study, +book by book, journal by journal, pamphlet by pamphlet, the hoarded +treasures of the last four years; and as he carefully placed each one, +building up at once a firm and cunning structure, he gave a little groan, +thinking of the intoxications of the past, and all the glorious thoughts +embodied in that literature. Underneath, in the heart of the pile, he +reserved a space for the most inflammable material, which he selected +from a special file of a special journal, and round the circumference of +the lofty and tapering mound he carefully deposited the two hundred and +four war numbers of a certain weekly, so that a ring of flame might lick +well up the sides and permeate the more solid matter on which he would be +sitting. For two hours he worked in the waning moonlight till he had +completed this weird and heroic erection; and just before the dawn, sat +down by the light of the candle with which he meant to apply the +finishing touch, to compose that interview with himself whereby he +intended to convey to the world the message of his act. + +"I found him," he began, in the words of the interviewer, "sitting upon a +journalistic pile of lovely leaves of thought, which in the dawning of a +new day glowed with a certain restrained flamboyance, as though the +passion stored within those exotic pages gave itself willingly to the +'eclaircissement' of the situation, and of his lineaments on which +suffering had already set their stamp. + +"'I should like you,' I said, approaching as near as I could, for the +sparks, like little fireflies on a Riviera evening, were playing +profoundly round my trousers, 'I should like to hear from your own lips +the reasons which have caused you to resign.' + +"'Certainly,' he replied, with the courtesy which I have always found +characteristic of him in moments which would try the suavity of more +ordinary men; and with the utmost calm and clarity he began to tell me +the inner workings of his mind, while the growing dawn-light irradiated +his wasted and expressive features, and the flames slowly roasted his +left boot. + +"'Yes,' he said quietly, and his eyes turned inwards, 'I have at last +seen the problem clearly, and seen it whole. It is largely because of +this that I have elected to seek the seclusion of another world. What +that world contains for me I know not, though so many public men have +tried to tell me; but it has never been my way to recoil from the +Unknown, and I am ready for my journey beyond the wide world's end.' + +"I was greatly struck by the large-hearted way in which he spoke those +words, and I interrupted him to ask whether he did not think that there +was something fundamental in the British character which would leap as +one man at such an act of daring sacrifice and great adventure. + +"'As regards that,' he replied fearlessly, while in the light of the +ever-brightening dawn I could, see the suspender on his right leg +gradually charring, so that he must already have been in great pain, 'as +regards that, it is largely the proneness of the modern British to leap +to verbal extremity which is inducing me to afford them this object- +lesson in restraint and commonsense. Ouch !' + +"This momentary ejaculation seemed to escape him in spite of all his iron +control; and the smell of burning flesh brought home to me as nothing +else, perhaps, could have done the tortures he must have been suffering. + +"'I feel,' he went on very gravely, 'that extravagance of word and +conduct is fatal to my country, and having so profoundly experienced its +effects upon myself, I am now endeavouring by a shining example to supply +a remedy for a disease which is corroding the vitals and impairing the +sanity of my countrymen and making them a race of second-hand spiritual +drunkards. Ouch!' + +"I confess that at this moment the tears started to my eyes, for a more +sublime show than the spectacle of this devoted man slowly roasting +himself to death before my eyes for the good of his country I had seldom +seen. It had a strange, an appalling interest, and for nothing on earth +could I have torn my gaze away. I now realized to the full for the first +time the will-power and heroism of the human species, and I rejoiced with +a glorious new feeling that I was of the same breed as this man, made of +such stern stuff that not even a tear rolled down his cheeks to quench +the flames that leaped around him ever higher and higher. And the dawn +came up in the eastern sky; and I knew that a great day was preparing for +mankind; and with my eyes fixed upon him as he turned blacker and blacker +I let my heart loose in a great thanksgiving that I had lived to see this +moment. It was then that he cried out in a loud voice: + +"'I call Aurora to witness that I have died without a falter, grasping a +burning spear, to tilt at the malpractice which has sent me mad!' And I +saw that he held in his fast-consuming hand a long roll of journals +sharpened to a point of burning flame. + +"'Aurora!' he cried again, and with that enigmatic word on his lips was +incinerated in the vast and towering belch of the devouring element. + +"It was among the most inspiring sights I have ever witnessed." + + +When Mr. Lavender had completed that record, whose actuality and wealth +of moving detail had greatly affected him, and marked it "For the Press- +Immediate," he felt very cold. It was, in fact, that hour of dawn when a +shiver goes through the world; and, almost with pleasurable anticipation +he took up his lighted candle and stole shivering out to his pile, rising +ghostly to the height of some five feet in the middle of the dim lawn +whereon a faint green tinge was coming with the return of daylight. +Having reached it, he walked round it twice, and readjusted four volumes +of the history of the war as stepping-stones to the top; then lowering +the candle, whose flame burned steadily in the stillness, he knelt down +in the grey dew and set fire to an article in a Sunday paper. Then, +sighing deeply, he returned to his little ladder and, with some +difficulty preserving his balance, mounted to the top, and sat down with +his legs towards the house and his eyes fixed on Aurora's bedroom-window. +He had been there perhaps ten minutes before he realized that nothing was +happening below him, and, climbing down again, proceeded to the aperture +where he had inserted the burning print. There, by the now considerable +daylight, he saw that the flame had gone out at the words "The Stage is +now set for the last act of this colossal world drama." And convinced +that Providence had intended that heartening sentence to revive his +somewhat drooping courage, he thought, "I, too, shall be making history +this morning," and relighting the journal, went on his hands and knees +and began manfully to blow the flames. . . . . . + +Now the young lady in the adjoining castle, who had got out of bed, +happened, as she sometimes did, to go to the window for a look at the sun +rising over Parliament Hill. Attracted by the smell of burning paper she +saw Mr. Lavender in this act of blowing up the flames. + +"What on earth is the poor dear doing now?" she thought. "This is +really the limit!" And slipping on her slippers and blue dressing-gown +she ensconced herself behind the curtain to await developments. + +Mr. Lavender had now backed away from the flames at which he had been +blowing, and remained on his hands and knees, apparently assuring himself +that they had really obtained hold. He then rose, and to her intense +surprise began climbing up on to the pile. She watched him at first with +an amused astonishment, so ludicrous was his light little figure, crowned +by stivered-up white hair, and the expression of eager melancholy on his +thin, high-cheekboned face upturned towards her window. Then, to her +dismay, she saw that the flame had really caught, and, suddenly persuaded +that he had some crazy intention of injuring himself with the view, +perhaps, of attracting her attention, she ran out of her room and down +the stairs, and emerging from the back door just as she was, circled her +garden, so that she might enter Mr. Lavender's garden from behind him, +ready for any eventuality. She arrived within arm's reach of him without +his having heard her, for Blink, whose anxious face as she watched her +master wasting, could be discerned at the bedroom-window, was whining, +and Mr. Lavender himself had now broken into a strange and lamentable +chantey, which, in combination with the creeping flutter of the flames in +the weekly journals encircling the base of the funeral pyre, well-nigh +made her blood curdle. + +"Aurora," sang Mr. Lavender, in that most dolorous voice, + + "Aurora, my heart I bring, + For I know well it will not burn, + Oh! when the leaves puff out in Spring + And when the leaves in Autumn turn + Think, think of me! + Aurora, I pass away! + Upon my horse of air I ride; + Here let my grizzled ashes stay, + But take, ah! take my heart inside! + Aurora! Aurora!" + +At this moment, just as a fit of the most uncontrollable laughter was +about to seize her, she saw a flame which had just consumed the word +Horatio reach Mr. Lavender's right calf. + +"Oh!" he cried out in desperate tones, stretching up his arms to the sky. +"Now is my hour come! Sweet-sky, open and let me see her face! Behold! +behold her with the eyes of faith. It is enough. Courage, brother; let +me now consume in silence!" So saying, he folded his arm tightly across +his breast and closed his lips. The flame rising to the bottom of the +weekly which had indeed been upside down, here nipped him vigorously, so +that with a wholly unconscious movement he threw up his little legs, and, +losing his balance, fell backwards into the arms of Aurora, watchfully +outstretched to receive him. Uplifted there, close to that soft blue +bosom away from the reek of the flame, he conceived that he was consumed +and had passed already from his night of ghosts and shadows into the arms +of the morning, and through his swooning lips came forth the words: + +"I am in Paradise." + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Burning Spear, by John Galsworthy + |