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diff --git a/2905-h/2905-h.htm b/2905-h/2905-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..70a560a --- /dev/null +++ b/2905-h/2905-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7795 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Burning Spear, by John Galsworthy + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd7; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 2em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Burning Spear, by John Galsworthy + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Burning Spear + +Author: John Galsworthy + +Release Date: June 14, 2006 [EBook #2905] +Last Updated: February 18, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BURNING SPEAR *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE BURNING SPEAR + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + by John Galsworthy + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of War <br /> <br /> + Recorded by: A. R. P—M [John Galsworthy] + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p> + [NOTE: John Galsworthy said of this work: “'The Burning + Spear' was revenge of the nerves. It was bad enough to have to + bear the dreads and strains and griefs of war.” Several years + after its first publication he admitted authorship and it was included + in the collected edition of his works. D.W.] + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “With a heart of furious fancies, + Whereof I am commander, + With a burning spear and a horse of air + In the wilderness I wander; + With a night of ghosts and shadows + I summoned am to tourney + Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end + For me it is no journey.” + + TOM O'BEDLAM +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <p class="toc"> + <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> <big><b>THE BURNING SPEAR</b></big> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> VI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> VII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> VIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> IX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> X </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> XI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> XII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> XIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> XIV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> XV. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> XVI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> XVII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0019"> XVIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0020"> XIX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0021"> XX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0022"> XXI </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE BURNING SPEAR + </h1> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <h3> + THE HERO + </h3> + <p> + In the year —— there dwelt on Hampstead Heath a small thin + gentleman of fifty-eight, gentle disposition, and independent means, whose + wits had become somewhat addled from reading the writings and speeches of + public men. The castle which, like every Englishman, he inhabited was + embedded in lilac bushes and laburnums, and was attached to another + castle, embedded, in deference to our national dislike of uniformity, in + acacias and laurustinus. Our gentleman, whose name was John Lavender, had + until the days of the Great War passed one of those curious existences are + sometimes to be met with, in doing harm to nobody. He had been brought up + to the Bar, but like most barristers had never practised, and had spent + his time among animals and the wisdom of the past. At the period in which + this record opens he owned a young female sheep-dog called Blink, with + beautiful eyes obscured by hair; and was attended to by a thin and + energetic housekeeper, in his estimation above all weakness, whose name + was Marian Petty, and by her husband, his chauffeur, whose name was Joe. + </p> + <p> + It was the ambition of our hero to be, like all public men, without fear + and without reproach. He drank not, abstained from fleshly intercourse, + and habitually spoke the truth. His face was thin, high cheek-boned, and + not unpleasing, with one loose eyebrow over which he had no control; his + eyes, bright and of hazel hue, looked his fellows in the face without + seeing what was in it. Though his moustache was still dark, his thick + waving hair was permanently white, for his study was lined from floor to + ceiling with books, pamphlets, journals, and the recorded utterances of + great mouths. He was of a frugal habit, ate what was put before him + without question, and if asked what he would have, invariably answered: + “What is there?” without listening to the reply. For at + mealtimes it was his custom to read the writings of great men. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he would say to his chauffeur, who had a slight limp, a + green wandering eye, and a red face, with a rather curved and rather + redder nose, “You must read this.” + </p> + <p> + And Joe would answer: + </p> + <p> + “Which one is that, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Hummingtop; a great man, I think, Joe.” + </p> + <p> + “A brainy chap, right enough, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “He has done wonders for the country. Listen to this.” And Mr. + Lavender would read as follows: “If I had fifty sons I would give + them all. If I had forty daughters they should nurse and scrub and weed + and fill shells; if I had thirty country-houses they should all be + hospitals; if I had twenty pens I would use them all day long; if had ten + voices they should never cease to inspire and aid my country.” + </p> + <p> + “If 'e had nine lives,” interrupted Joe, with a certain + suddenness, “'e'd save the lot.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender lowered the paper. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot bear cynicism, Joe; there is no quality so unbecoming to a + gentleman.” + </p> + <p> + “Me and 'im don't put in for that, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Joe, Mr. Lavender would say you are, incorrigible....” + </p> + <p> + Our gentleman, in common with all worthy of the name, had a bank-book, + which, in hopes that it would disclose an unsuspected balance, he would + have “made up” every time he read an utterance exhorting + people to invest and save their country. + </p> + <p> + One morning at the end of May, finding there was none, he called in his + housekeeper and said: + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Petty, we are spending too much; we have again been exhorted + to save. Listen! 'Every penny diverted from prosecution of the war + is one more spent in the interests of the enemies of mankind. No patriotic + person, I am confident; will spend upon him or herself a stiver which + could be devoted to the noble ends so near to all our hearts. Let us make + every spare copper into bullets to strengthen the sinews of war!' A + great speech. What can we do without?” + </p> + <p> + “The newspapers, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't be foolish, Mrs. Petty. From what else could we draw + our inspiration and comfort in these terrible days?” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Petty sniffed. “Well, you can't eat less than you do,” + she said; “but you might stop feedin' Blink out of your + rations—that I do think.” + </p> + <p> + “I have not found that forbidden as yet in any public utterance,” + returned Mr. Lavender; “but when the Earl of Betternot tells us to + stop, I shall follow his example, you may depend on that. The country + comes before everything.” Mrs. Petty tossed her head and murmured + darkly— + </p> + <p> + “Do you suppose he's got an example, Sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Petty,” replied Mr. Lavender, “that is quite + unworthy of you. But, tell me, what can we do without?” + </p> + <p> + “I could do without Joe,” responded Mrs. Petty, “now + that you're not using him as chauffeur.” + </p> + <p> + “Please be serious. Joe is an institution; besides, I am thinking of + offering myself to the Government as a speaker now that we may use gas.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Mrs. Petty. + </p> + <p> + “I am going down about it to-morrow.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, sir!” + </p> + <p> + “I feel my energies are not fully employed.” + </p> + <p> + “No, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “By the way, there was a wonderful leader on potatoes yesterday. We + must dig up the garden. Do you know what the subsoil is?” + </p> + <p> + “Brickbats and dead cats, I expect, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! We shall soon improve that. Every inch of land reclaimed is a + nail in the coffin of our common enemies.” + </p> + <p> + And going over to a bookcase, Mr. Lavender took out the third from the top + of a pile of newspapers. “Listen!” he said. “'The + problem before us is the extraction of every potential ounce of food. No + half measures must content us. Potatoes! Potatoes! No matter how, where, + when the prime national necessity is now the growth of potatoes. All + Britons should join in raising a plant which may be our very salvation. + </p> + <p> + “Fudge!” murmured Mrs. Petty. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender read on, and his eyes glowed. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” he thought, “I, too, can do my bit to save + England.... It needs but the spark to burn away the dross of this terrible + horse-sense which keeps the country back. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Petty!” But Mrs. Petty was already not. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . +</pre> + <p> + The grass never grew under the feet of Mr. Lavender, No sooner had he + formed his sudden resolve than he wrote to what he conceived to be the + proper quarter, and receiving no reply, went down to the centre of the + official world. It was at time of change and no small national excitement; + brooms were sweeping clean, and new offices had arisen everywhere. Mr. + Lavender passed bewildered among large stone buildings and small wooden + buildings, not knowing where to go. He had bought no clothes since the + beginning of the war, except the various Volunteer uniforms which the + exigencies of a shifting situation had forced the authorities to withdraw + from time to time; and his, small shrunken figure struck somewhat vividly + on the eye, with elbows and knees shining in the summer sunlight. Stopping + at last before the only object which seemed unchanged, he said: + </p> + <p> + “Can you tell me where the Ministry is?” + </p> + <p> + The officer looked down at him. + </p> + <p> + “What for?” + </p> + <p> + “For speaking about the country.” + </p> + <p> + “Ministry of Propagation? First on the right, second door on the + left.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you. The Police are wonderful.” + </p> + <p> + “None of that,” said the officer coldly. + </p> + <p> + “I only said you were wonderful.” + </p> + <p> + “I 'eard you.” + </p> + <p> + “But you are. I don't know what the country would do without + you. Your solid qualities, your imperturbable bonhomie, your truly British + tenderness towards——” + </p> + <p> + “Pass away!” said the officer. + </p> + <p> + “I am only repeating what we all say of you,” rejoined Mr. + Lavender reproachfully. + </p> + <p> + “Did you 'ear me say 'Move on,'” said the + officer; “or must I make you an example?” + </p> + <p> + “YOU are the example,” said Mr. Lavender warmly. + </p> + <p> + “Any more names,” returned the officer, “and I take you + to the station.” And he moved out into the traffic. Puzzled by his + unfriendliness Mr. Lavender resumed his search, and, arriving at the door + indicated, went in. A dark, dusty, deserted corridor led him nowhere, till + he came on a little girl in a brown frock, with her hair down her back. + </p> + <p> + “Can you tell me, little one——” he said, laying + his hand on her head. + </p> + <p> + “Chuck it!” said the little girl. + </p> + <p> + “No, no!” responded Mr. Lavender, deeply hurt. “Can you + tell me where I can find the Minister?” + </p> + <p> + “'Ave you an appointment? + </p> + <p> + “No; but I wrote to him. He should expect me.” + </p> + <p> + “Wot nyme?” + </p> + <p> + “John Lavender. Here is my card.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll tyke it in. Wyte 'ere!” + </p> + <p> + “Wonderful!” mused Mr. Lavender; “the patriotic impulse + already stirring in these little hearts! What was the stanza of that + patriotic poet? + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “'Lives not a babe who shall not feel the pulse + Of Britain's need beat wild in Britain's wrist. + And, sacrificial, in the world's convulse + Put up its lips to be by Britain kissed.' +</pre> + <p> + “So young to bring their lives to the service of the country!” + </p> + <p> + “Come on,” said the little girl, reappearing suddenly; “e'll + see you.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender entered a room which had a considerable resemblance to the + office of a lawyer save for the absence of tomes. It seemed furnished + almost exclusively by the Minister, who sat with knees crossed, in a pair + of large round tortoiseshell spectacles, which did not, however, veil the + keenness of his eyes. He was a man with close cropped grey hair, a broad, + yellow, clean-shaven face, and thrusting grey eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Lavender,” he said, in a raw, forcible voice; “sit + down, will you?” + </p> + <p> + “I wrote to you,” began our hero, “expressing the wish + to offer myself as a speaker.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the Minister. “Let's see—Lavender, + Lavender. Here's your letter.” And extracting a letter from a + file he read it, avoiding with difficulty his tortoise-shell spectacles. + “You want to stump the country? M.A., Barrister, and Fellow of the + Zoological. Are you a good speaker?” + </p> + <p> + “If zeal—-” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “That's it; spark! We're out to win this war, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Quite so,” began Mr. Lavender. “If devotion——” + </p> + <p> + “You'll have to use gas,” said the Minister; “and + we don't pay.” + </p> + <p> + “Pay!” cried Mr. Lavender with horror; “no, indeed!” + </p> + <p> + The Minister bent on him a shrewd glance. + </p> + <p> + “What's your line? Anything particular, or just general + patriotism? I recommend that; but you'll have to put some punch into + it, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “I have studied all the great orators of the war, sir,” said + Mr. Lavender, “and am familiar with all the great writers on, it. I + should form myself on them; and if enthusiasm——” + </p> + <p> + “Quite!” said the Minister. “If you want any atrocities + we can give you them. No facts and no figures; just general pat.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall endeavour——” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Well, good-bye,” said the Minister, rising. “When do + you start?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender rose too. “To-morrow,” he said, “if I can + get inflated.” + </p> + <p> + The Minister rang a bell. + </p> + <p> + “You're on your own, mind,” he said. “No facts; + what they want is ginger. Yes, Mr. Japes?” + </p> + <p> + And seeing that the Minister was looking over his tortoiseshell. + spectacles at somebody behind him, Mr. Lavender turned and went out. In + the corridor he thought, “What terseness! How different from the + days when Dickens wrote his 'Circumlocution Office'! Punch!” + And opening the wrong door, he found himself in the presence of six little + girls in brown frocks, sitting against the walls with their thumbs in + their mouths. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” he said, “I'm afraid I've lost my way.” + </p> + <p> + The eldest of the little girls withdrew a thumb. + </p> + <p> + “What d'yer want?” + </p> + <p> + “The door,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Second on the right.” + </p> + <p> + “Goodbye,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + The little girls did not answer. And he went out thinking, “These + children are really wonderful! What devotion one sees! And yet the country + is not yet fully roused!” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <h3> + THE VALET + </h3> + <p> + Joe Petty stood contemplating the car which, purchased some fifteen years + before had not been used since the war began. Birds had nested in its + hair. It smelled of mould inside; it creaked from rust. “The Guv'nor + must be cracked,” he thought, “to think we can get anywhere in + this old geyser. Well, well, it's summer; if we break down it won't + break my 'eart. Government job—better than diggin' or + drillin'. Good old Guv!” So musing, he lit his pipe and + examined the recesses beneath the driver's seat. “A bottle or + three,” he thought, “in case our patriotism should get us + stuck a bit off the beaten; a loaf or two, some 'oney in a pot, and + a good old 'am. + </p> + <p> + “A life on the rollin' road——' 'Ow + they can give 'im the job I can't think!” His soliloquy + was here interrupted by the approach of his wife, bearing a valise. + </p> + <p> + “Don't you wish you was comin', old girl?” he + remarked to her lightly. + </p> + <p> + “I do not; I'm glad to be shut of you. Keep his feet dry. What + have you got under there?” + </p> + <p> + Joe Petty winked. + </p> + <p> + “What a lumbering great thing it looks!” said Mrs. Petty, + gazing upwards. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” returned her husband thoughtfully, we'll 'ave + the population round us without advertisement. And taking the heads of two + small boys who had come up, he knocked them together in an absent-minded + fashion. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said Mrs. Petty, “I can't waste time. Here's + his extra set of teeth. Don't lose them. Have you got your own + toothbrush? Use it, and behave yourself. Let me have a line. And don't + let him get excited.” She tapped her forehead. + </p> + <p> + “Go away, you boys; shoo!” + </p> + <p> + The boys, now six in number, raised a slight cheer; for at that moment Mr. + Lavender, in a broad-brimmed grey felt hat and a holland dust-coat, came + out through his garden-gate carrying a pile of newspapers and pamphlets so + large that his feet, legs, and hat alone were visible. + </p> + <p> + “Open the door, Joe!” he said, and stumbled into the body of + the vehicle. A shrill cheer rose from the eight boys, who could see him + through the further window. Taking this for an augury Of success, Mr. + Lavender removed his hat, and putting his head through the window, thus + addressed the ten boys: + </p> + <p> + “I thank you. The occasion is one which I shall ever remember. The + Government has charged me with the great task of rousing our country in + days which demand of each of us the utmost exertions. I am proud to feel + that I have here, on the very threshold of my task, an audience of bright + young spirits, each one of whom in this democratic country has in him + perhaps the makings of a General or even of a Prime Minister. Let it be + your earnest endeavour, boys——” + </p> + <p> + At this moment a piece of indiarubber rebounded from Mr. Lavender's + forehead, and he recoiled into the body of the car. + </p> + <p> + “Are you right, sir?” said Joe, looking in; and without + waiting for reply he started the engine. The car moved out amid a volley + of stones, balls, cheers, and other missiles from the fifteen boys who + pursued it with frenzy. Swaying slightly from side to side, with billowing + bag, it gathered speed, and, turning a corner, took road for the country. + Mr. Lavender, somewhat dazed, for the indiarubber had been hard, sat + gazing through the little back window at the great city he was leaving. + His lips moved, expressing unconsciously the sentiments of innumerable + Lord Mayors: “Greatest City in the world, Queen of Commerce, whose + full heart I can still hear beating behind me, in mingled pride and regret + I leave you. With the most sacred gratitude I lay down my office. I go to + other work, whose——Joe!” + </p> + <p> + “Sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Do you see that?” + </p> + <p> + “I see your 'ead, that's all, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “We seem to be followed by a little column of dust, which keeps ever + at the same distance in the middle of the road. Do you think it can be an + augury.” + </p> + <p> + “No; I should think it's a dog.” + </p> + <p> + “In that case, hold hard!” said Mr. Lavender, who had a + weakness for dog's. Joe slackened the car's pace, and leaned + his head round the corner. The column of dust approached rapidly. + </p> + <p> + “It is a dog,” said Mr. Lavender, “it's Blink.” + </p> + <p> + The female sheep-dog, almost flat with the ground from speed, emerged from + the dust, wild with hair and anxiety, white on the cheeks and chest and + top of the head, and grey in the body and the very little tail, and passed + them like a streak of lightning. + </p> + <p> + “Get on!” cried Mr. Lavender, excited; “follow her she's + trying to catch us up!” + </p> + <p> + Joe urged on the car, which responded gallantly, swaying from side to + side, while the gas-bag bellied and shook; but the faster it went the + faster the sheep-dog flew in front of it. + </p> + <p> + “This is dreadful!” said Mr. Lavender in anguish, leaning far + out. “Blink! Blink!” + </p> + <p> + His cries were drowned in the roar of the car. + </p> + <p> + “Damn the brute!” muttered Joe, “at this rate she'll + be over the edge in 'alf a mo'. Wherever does she think we + are?” + </p> + <p> + “Blink! Blink!” wailed Mr. Lavender. “Get on, Joe, get + on! She's gaining on us!” + </p> + <p> + “Well I never see anything like this,” said Joe, “chasin' + wot's chasing you! Hi! Hi!” + </p> + <p> + Urged on by their shouts and the noise of the pursuing car, the poor dog + redoubled her efforts to rejoin her master, and Mr. Lavender, Joe, and the + car, which had begun to emit the most lamentable creaks and odours, + redoubled theirs. + </p> + <p> + “I shall bust her up,” said Joe. + </p> + <p> + “I care not!” cried Mr. Lavender. “I must recover the + dog.” + </p> + <p> + They flashed through the outskirts of the Garden City. “Stop her, + stop her!” called Mr. Lavender to such of the astonished inhabitants + as they had already left behind. “This is a nightmare, Joe!” + </p> + <p> + “'It's a blinkin' day-dream,” returned Joe, + forcing the car to an expiring spurt. + </p> + <p> + “If she gets to that 'ill before we ketch 'er, we're + done; the old geyser can't 'alf crawl up 'ills.” + </p> + <p> + “We're gaining,” shrieked Mr. Lavender; “I can see + her tongue.” + </p> + <p> + As though it heard his voice, the car leaped forward and stopped with a + sudden and most formidable jerk; the door burst open, and Mr. Lavender + fell out upon his sheep-dog. + </p> + <p> + Fortunately they were in the only bed of nettles in that part of the + world, and its softness and that of Blink assuaged the severity of his + fall, yet it was some minutes before he regained the full measure of his + faculties. He came to himself sitting on a milestone, with his dog on her + hind legs between his knees, licking his face clean, and panting down his + throat. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he said; “where are you?” + </p> + <p> + The voice of Joe replied from underneath the car: “Here sir. She's + popped.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you mean that our journey is arrested?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! We're in irons. You may as well walk 'ome, sir. It + ain't two miles. + </p> + <p> + “No! no!” said Mr. Lavender. “We passed the Garden City + a little way back; I could go and hold a meeting. How long will you be?” + </p> + <p> + “A day or two,” said Joe. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed, and at this manifestation of his grief his sheep-dog + redoubled her efforts to comfort him. “Nothing becomes one more than + the practice of philosophy,” he thought. “I always admired + those great public men who in moments of national peril can still dine + with a good appetite. We will sit in the car a little, for I have rather a + pain, and think over a speech.” So musing he mounted the car, + followed by his dog, and sat down in considerable discomfort. + </p> + <p> + “What subject can I choose for a Garden City?” he thought, and + remembering that he had with him the speech of a bishop on the subject of + babies, he dived into his bundle of literature, and extracting a pamphlet + began to con its periods. A sharp blow from a hammer on the bottom of the + car just below where Blink was sitting caused him to pause and the dog to + rise and examine her tiny tail. + </p> + <p> + “Curious,” thought Mr. Lavender dreamily, “how Joe + always does the right thing in the wrong place. He is very English.” + The hammering continued, and the dog, who traced it to the omnipotence of + her master, got up on the seat where she could lick his face. Mr. Lavender + was compelled to stop. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he said, leaning out and down; “must you?” + </p> + <p> + The face of Joe, very red, leaned out and up. “What's the + matter now, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “I am preparing a speech; must you hammer?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” returned Joe, “I needn't.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't wish you to waste your time,” said Mr Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Don't worry about that, sir,” replied Joe; “there's + plenty to do.” + </p> + <p> + “In that case I shall be glad to finish my speech.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender resumed his seat and Blink her position on the floor, with + her head on his feet. The sound of his voice soon rose again in the car + like the buzzing of large flies. “'If we are to win this war + we must have an ever-increasing population. In town and countryside, in + the palace and the slum, above all in the Garden City, we must have + babies.'” + </p> + <p> + Here Blink, who had been regarding him with lustrous eyes, leaped on to + his knees and licked his mouth. Again Mr. Lavender was compelled to stop. + </p> + <p> + “Down, Blink, down! I am not speaking to you. 'The future of + our country depends on the little citizens born now. I especially appeal + to women. It is to them we must look——'” + </p> + <p> + “Will you 'ave a glass, sir?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender saw before him a tumbler containing a yellow fluid. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he said sadly, “you know my rule——” + </p> + <p> + “'Ere's the exception, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed. “No, no; I must practise what I preach. I shall + soon be rousing the people on the liquor question, too.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, 'ere's luck,” said Joe, draining the glass. + “Will you 'ave a slice of 'am?” + </p> + <p> + “That would not be amiss,” said Mr. Lavender, taking Joe's + knife with the slice of ham upon its point. “'It is to them + that we must look,'” he resumed, “'to rejuvenate + the Empire and make good the losses in the firing-line.'” And + he raised the knife to his mouth. No result followed, while Blink wriggled + on her base and licked her lips. + </p> + <p> + “Blink!” said Mr. Lavender reproachfully. “Joe!” + </p> + <p> + “Sir!” + </p> + <p> + “When you've finished your lunch and repaired the car you will + find me in the Town Hall or market-place. Take care of Blink. I'll + tie her up. Have you some string?” + </p> + <p> + Having secured his dog to the handle of the door and disregarded the + intensity of her gaze, Mr. Lavender walked back towards the Garden City + with a pamphlet in one hand and a crutch-handled stick in the other. + Restoring the ham to its nest behind his feet, Joe finished the bottle of + Bass. “This is a bit of all right!” he thought dreamily. + “Lie down, you bitch! Quiet! How can I get my nap while you make + that row? Lie down! That's better.” + </p> + <p> + Blink was silent, gnawing at her string. The smile deepened on Joe's + face, his head fell a little one side his mouth fell open a fly flew into + it. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” he thought, spitting it out; “dog's quiet + now.” He slept. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III + </h2> + <h3> + MR. LAVENDER ADDRESSES A CROWD OF HUNS + </h3> + <p> + “'Give them ginger!'” thought Mr. Lavender, + approaching the first houses. “My first task, however, will be to + collect them.” + </p> + <p> + “Can you tell me,” he said to a dustman, “where the + market-place is?” + </p> + <p> + “Ain't none.” + </p> + <p> + “The Town Hall, then?” + </p> + <p> + “Likewise.” + </p> + <p> + “What place is there, then,” said Mr. Lavender, “where + people congregate?” + </p> + <p> + “They don't.” + </p> + <p> + “Do they never hold public meetings here?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the dustman mysteriously. + </p> + <p> + “I wish to address them on the subject of babies.” + </p> + <p> + “Bill! Gent abaht babies. Where'd he better go?” + </p> + <p> + The man addressed, however, who carried a bag of tools, did not stop. + </p> + <p> + “You, 'ear?” said the dustman, and urging his horse, + passed on. + </p> + <p> + “How rude!” thought Mr. Lavender. Something cold and wet was + pressed against his hand, he felt a turmoil, and saw Blink moving round + and round him, curved like a horseshoe, with a bit of string dangling from + her white neck. At that moment of discouragement the sight of one who + believed in him gave Mr. Lavender nothing but pleasure. “How + wonderful dogs are!” he murmured. The sheep-dog responded by bounds + and ear-splitting barks, so that two boys and a little girl wheeling a + perambulator stopped to look and listen. + </p> + <p> + “She is like Mercury,” thought Mr. Lavender; and taking + advantage of her interest in his hat, which she had knocked off in her + effusions, he placed his hand on her head and crumpled her ear. The dog + passed into an hypnotic trance, broken by soft grumblings of pleasure. + “The most beautiful eyes in the world!” thought Mr. Lavender, + replacing his hat; “the innocence and goodness of her face are + entrancing.” + </p> + <p> + In his long holland coat, with his wide-brimmed felt hat all dusty, and + the crutch-handled stick in his hand, he had already arrested the + attention of five boys, the little girl with the perambulator, a postman, + a maid-servant, and three old ladies. + </p> + <p> + “What a beautiful dog yours is!” said one of the old ladies; + “dear creature! Are you a shepherd?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender removed his hat. + </p> + <p> + “No, madam,” he said; “a public speaker.” + </p> + <p> + “How foolish of me!” replied the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all, madam; the folly is mine.” And Mr. Lavender + bowed. “I have come here to give an address on babies.” + </p> + <p> + The old lady looked at him shrewdly, and, saying something in a low voice + to her companions, passed on, to halt again a little way off. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime the rumour that there was a horse down in the Clemenceau + Road had spread rapidly, and more boys, several little girls, and three + soldiers in blue, with red ties, had joined the group round Mr. Lavender, + to whom there seemed something more than providential in this rapid + assemblage. Looking round him for a platform from which to address them, + he saw nothing but the low wall of the little villa garden outside which + he was standing. Mounting on this, therefore, and firmly grasping the + branch of a young acacia tree to steady himself, he stood upright, while + Blink, on her hind legs, scratched at the wall, whining and sniffing his + feet. + </p> + <p> + Encouraged by the low murmur of astonishment, which swelled idly into a + shrill cheer, Mr. Lavender removed his hat, and spoke as follows: + </p> + <p> + “Fellow Britons, at this crisis in the history of our country I make + no apology for addressing myself to the gathering I see around me. Here, + in the cradle of patriotism and the very heart of Movements, I may safely + assume that you are aware of the importance of Man-power. At a moment when + every man of a certain age and over is wanted at the front, and every + woman of marriageable years is needed in hospitals, in factories, on the + land, or where not, we see as never before the paramount necessity of + mobilizing the forces racial progress and increasing the numbers of our + population. Not a man, not a woman can be spared from the great task in + which they are now engaged, of defeating the common enemy. Side by side + with our American cousins, with la belle France, and the Queen of the + Adriatic, we are fighting to avert the greatest menace which ever + threatened civilization. Our cruel enemies are strong and ruthless. While + I have any say in this matter, no man or woman shall be withdrawn from the + sacred cause of victory; better they should die to the last unit than that + we should take our hands from the plough. But, ladies and gentlemen, we + must never forget that in the place of every one who dies we must put two. + Do not be content with ordinary measures; these are no piping times of + peace. Never was there in the history of this country such a crying need + for—for twins, if I may put it picturesquely. In each family, in + each home where there are no families, let there be two babies where there + was one, for thus only can we triumph over the devastation of this war.” + At this moment the now considerable audience, which had hitherto been + silent, broke into a shrill “'Ear, 'ear!” and Mr. + Lavender, taking his hand from the acacia branch to silence them, fell off + the wall into the garden. Seeing her master thus vanish, Blink, who had + never ceased to whine and sniff his toes, leaped over and landed on his + chest. Rising with difficulty, Mr. Lavender found himself in front of an + elderly man with a commercial cast of countenance, who said: “You're + trespassing!” + </p> + <p> + “I am aware of it,” returned Mr. Lavender and I beg your + pardon. It was quite inadvertent, however. + </p> + <p> + “Rubbish!” said the man. + </p> + <p> + “I fell off the wall.” + </p> + <p> + “Whose wall do you think it is?” said the man. + </p> + <p> + “How should I know?” said Mr. Lavender; “I am a + stranger.” + </p> + <p> + “Out you go,” said the man, applying his boot to Blink. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender's eyes blazed. “You may insult me,” he + said, “but you must not kick my dog, or I shall do you an injury.” + </p> + <p> + “Try!” said the man. + </p> + <p> + “I will,” responded Mr. Lavender, taking off his holland coat. + </p> + <p> + To what extremities he would have proceeded cannot be told, for at this + moment the old lady who had taken him for a shepherd appeared on the path, + tapping her forehead with finger. + </p> + <p> + “All right!” said the owner of the garden, “take him + away.” + </p> + <p> + The old lady laced her hand within Mr. Lavender's arm. “Come + with me, sir,” she said, “and your nice doggie.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, whose politeness to ladies was invariable, bowed, and + resuming his coat accompanied her through the 'garden gate. “He + kicked my dog,” he said; “no action could be more despicable.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” said the old lady soothingly. “Poor doggie!” + </p> + <p> + The crowd, who had hoped for better things, here gave vent to a prolonged + jeer. + </p> + <p> + “Stop!” said Mr. Lavender; “I am going to take a + collection. + </p> + <p> + “There, there!” said the old lady. “Poor man!” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know what you mean by that, madam,” said Mr. + Lavender, whose spirit was roused; “I shall certainly take a + collection, in the interests of our population.” So saying he + removed his hat, and disengaging his arm from the old lady's hand, + moved out into the throng, extending the hat. A boy took it from him at + once, and placing it on his head, ran off, pursued by Blink, who, by + barking and jumping up increased the boy's speed to one of which he + could never have thought himself capable. Mr. Lavender followed, calling + out “Blink!” at the top of his voice. The crowd followed Mr. + Lavender, and the old lady followed crowd. Thus they proceeded until the + boy, arriving at a small piece of communal water, flung the hat into the + middle of it, and, scaling the wall, made a strategic detour and became a + disinterested spectator among the crowd. The hat, after skimming the + surface of the pond, settled like a water-lily, crown downwards, while + Blink, perceiving in all this the hand of her master, stood barking at it + wildly. Mr. Lavender arrived at the edge of the pond slightly in advance + of the crowd. + </p> + <p> + “Good Blink!” he said. “Fetch it! Good Blink!” + </p> + <p> + Blink looked up into his face, and, with the acumen for which her breed is + noted, perceiving he desired her to enter the water backed away from it. + </p> + <p> + “She is not a water dog,” explained Mr. Lavender to the three + soldiers in blue clothes. + </p> + <p> + “Good dog; fetch it!” Blink backed into the soldiers, who, + bending down, took her by head tail, threw her into the pond, and + encouraged her on with small stones pitched at the hat. Having taken the + plunge, the intelligent animal waded boldly to the hat, and endeavoured by + barking and making little rushes at it with her nose, to induce it to + return to shore. + </p> + <p> + “She thinks it's a sheep,” said Mr. Lavender; “a + striking instance of hereditary instinct.” + </p> + <p> + Blink, unable to persuade the hat, mounted it with her fore-paws and trod + it under. + </p> + <p> + “Ooray!” shouted the crowd. + </p> + <p> + “Give us a shilling, guv'nor, an' I'll get it for + yer?” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, my boy,” said Mr. Lavender, producing a shilling. + </p> + <p> + The boy—the same boy who had thrown it in—stepped into the + water and waded towards the hat. But as he approached, Blink interposed + between him and the hat, growling and showing her teeth. + </p> + <p> + “Does she bite?” yelled the boy. + </p> + <p> + “Only strangers,” cried Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + Excited by her master's appeal, Blink seized the jacket of the boy, + who made for the shore, while the hat rested in the centre of the pond, + the cynosure of the stones with which the soldiers were endeavouring to + drive it towards the bank. By this, time the old lady had rejoined Mr. + Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Your nice hat she murmured. + </p> + <p> + “I thank you for your sympathy, madam,” Lavender, running his + hand through his hair; “in moments like these one realizes the deep + humanity of the British people. I really believe that in no other race + could you find such universal interest and anxiety to recover a hat. Say + what you will, we are a great nation, who only, need rousing to show our + best qualities. Do you remember the words of the editor: 'In the + spavined and spatch-cocked ruin to which our inhuman enemies have reduced + civilization, we of the island shine with undimmed effulgence in all those + qualities which mark man out from the ravening beast'?” + </p> + <p> + “But how are you going to get your hat?” asked the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “I know not,” returned Mr. Lavender, still under the influence + of the sentiment he had quoted; “but if I had fifteen hats I would + take them all off to the virtues which have been ascribed to the British + people by all those great men who have written and spoken since the war + began.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the old lady soothingly. “But, I think you + had better come under my sunshade. The sun is very strong.” + </p> + <p> + “Madam,” said Mr. Lavender, “you are very good, but your + sunshade is too small. To deprive you of even an inch of its shade would + be unworthy of anyone in public life.” So saying, he recoiled from + the proffered sunshade into the pond, which he had forgotten was behind + him. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear!” said the old lady; “now you've got + your feet wet!” + </p> + <p> + “It is nothing,” responded Mr. Lavender gallantly. And seeing + that he was already wet, he rolled up his trousers, and holding up the + tails of his holland coat, turned round and proceeded towards his hat, to + the frantic delight of the crowd. + </p> + <p> + “The war is a lesson to us to make little of little things,” + he thought, securing the hat and wringing it out. “My feet are wet, + but—how much wetter they would be in the trenches, if feet can be + wetter than wet through,” he mused with some exactitude. “Down, + Blink, down!” For Blink was plastering him with the water-marks of + joy and anxiety. “Nothing is quite so beautiful as the devotion of + one's own dog,” thought Mr. Lavender, resuming the hat, and + returning towards the shore. The by-now-considerable throng were watching + him with every mark of acute enjoyment; and the moment appeared to Mr. + Lavender auspicious for addressing them. Without, therefore, emerging from + the pond, which he took for his, platform, he spoke as follows: + </p> + <p> + “Circumstances over which I have no control have given me the + advantage of your presence in numbers which do credit to the heart of the + nation to which we all belong. In the midst of the greatest war which ever + threatened the principle of Liberty, I rejoice to see so many people able + to follow the free and spontaneous impulses of their inmost beings. For, + while we must remember that our every hour is at the disposal of our + country, we must not forget the maxim of our fathers: 'Britons never + will be slaves.' Only by preserving the freedom of individual + conscience, and at the same time surrendering it whole-heartedly to every + which the State makes on us, can we hope defeat the machinations of the + arch enemies of mankind.” + </p> + <p> + At this moment a little stone hit him sharply on the hand. + </p> + <p> + “Who threw that stone?” said Mr. Lavender. “Let him + stand out.” + </p> + <p> + The culprit, no other indeed than he who had thrown the hat in, and not + fetched it out for a shilling, thus menaced with discovery made use of a + masterly device, and called out loudly: + </p> + <p> + “Pro-German!” + </p> + <p> + Such was the instinctive patriotism of the crowd that the cry was taken up + in several quarters; and for the moment Mr. Lavender remained speechless + from astonishment. The cries of “Pro-German!” increased in + volume, and a stone hitting her on the nose caused Blink to utter a yelp; + Mr. Lavender's eyes blazed. + </p> + <p> + “Huns!” he cried; “Huns! I am coming out.” + </p> + <p> + With this prodigious threat he emerged from the pond at the very moment + that a car scattered the throng, and a well-known voice said: + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, you 'ave been goin' it!” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, “don't speak to me!” + </p> + <p> + “Get in.” + </p> + <p> + “Never!” + </p> + <p> + “Pro-Germans!” yelled the crowd. + </p> + <p> + “Get in!” repeated Joe. + </p> + <p> + And seizing Mr. Lavender as if collaring him at football, he knocked off + his hat, propelled him into the car, banged the door, mounted, and started + at full speed, with Blink leaping and barking in front of them. + </p> + <p> + Debouching from Piave Parade into Bottomley Lane he drove up it till the + crowd was but a memory before he stopped to examine the condition his + master. Mr. Lavender was hanging out of window, looking back, and + shivering violently. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir,” said Joe. “I don't think!” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender that crowd ought not to be at large. + They were manifestly Huns. + </p> + <p> + “The speakin's been a bit too much for you, sir,” said + Joe. “But you've got it off your chest, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender regarded him for a moment in silence; then putting his hand + to his throat, said hoarsely: + </p> + <p> + “No, on my chest, I think, Joe. All public speakers do. It is + inseparable from that great calling.” + </p> + <p> + “'Alf a mo'!” grunted Joe, diving into the + recesses beneath the driving-seat. “'Ere, swig that off, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender raised the tumbler of fluid to his mouth, and drank it off; + only from the dregs left on his moustache did he perceive that it smelled + of rum and honey. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he said reproachfully, “you have made me break my + pledge.” + </p> + <p> + Joe smiled. “Well, what are they for, sir? You'll sleep at + 'ome to-night.” + </p> + <p> + “Never,” said Mr. Lavender. “I shall sleep at High + Barnet; I must address them there tomorrow on abstinence during the war.” + </p> + <p> + “As you please, sir. But try and 'ave a nap while we go along.” + And lifting Blink into the car, where she lay drenched and exhausted by + excitement, with the petal of a purple flower clinging to her black nose, + he mounted to his seat and drove off. Mr. Lavender, for years unaccustomed + to spirituous liquor, of which he had swallowed nearly half a pint neat, + passed rapidly into a state of coma. Nor did he fully regain consciousness + till he awoke in bed the next morning. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV + </h2> + <h3> + INTO THE DANGERS OF A PUBLIC LIFE + </h3> + <p> + “At what time is my meeting?” thought Mr. Lavender vaguely, + gazing at the light filtering through the Venetian blind. “Blink!” + </p> + <p> + His dog, who was lying beside his bed gnawing a bone which with some + presence of mind she had brought in, raised herself and regarded him with + the innocence of her species. “She has an air of divine madness,” + thought Mr. Lavender, “which is very pleasing to me. I have a + terrible headache.” And seeing a bellrope near his hand he pulled + it. + </p> + <p> + A voice said: “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “I wish to see my servant, Joe Petty,” said Lavender. “I + shall not require any breakfast thank you. What is the population of High + Barnet?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, + sir,” answered the voice, which seemed to be that of his + housekeeper; “but you can't see Joe; he's gone out with + a flea in his ear. The idea of his letting you get your feet wet like + that! + </p> + <p> + “How is this?” said Mr. Lavender. “I thought you were + the chambermaid of the inn at High Barnet?” + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed,” said Mrs. Petty soothingly, placing a + thermometer in his mouth. “Smoke that a minute, sir. Oh! look at + what this dog's brought in! Fie!” And taking the bone between + thumb and finger she cast it out of the window; while Blink, aware that + she was considered in the wrong, and convinced that she was in the right, + spread out her left paw, laid her head on her right paw, and pressed her + chin hard against it. Mrs. Petty, returning from the window, stood above + her master, who lay gazing up with the thermometer jutting out through the + middle of his moustache. + </p> + <p> + “I thought so!” she said, removing it; “a hundred and + one. No getting up for you, sir! That Joe!” + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Petty,” said Mr. Lavender rather feebly, for his head + pained him excessively, “bring me the morning papers.” + </p> + <p> + “No, sir. The thermometer bursts at an an' ten. I'll + bring you the doctor.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender was about to utter a protest when he reflected that all + public men had doctors. + </p> + <p> + “About the bulletin?” he said faintly. + </p> + <p> + “What?” ejaculated Mrs. Petty, whose face seemed to Mr. + Lavender to have become all cheekbones, eyes, and shadows. Joe never said + a about a bullet. Where? and however did you get it in? + </p> + <p> + “I did not say 'bullet in',” murmured Mr. Lavender + closing his eyes! “I said bulletin. They have it.” + </p> + <p> + At this mysterious sentence Mrs. Petty lifted her hands, and muttering the + word “Ravin'!” hastened from the room. No sooner had she + gone, however, than Blink, whose memory was perfect, rose, and going to + the window placed her forepaws on the sill. Seeing her bone shining on the + lawn below, with that disregard of worldly consequence which she shared + with all fine characters, she leaped through. The rattle of the Venetian + blind disturbed Mr. Lavender from the lethargy to which he had reverted. + “Mr. John Lavender passed a good night,” he thought, “but + his condition is still critical.” And in his disordered imagination + he seemed to see people outside Tube stations, standing stock-still in the + middle of the traffic, reading that bulletin in the evening papers. + “Let me see,” he mused, “how will they run?” + To-morrow I shall be better, but not yet able to leave my bed; the day + after to-morrow I shall have a slight relapse, and my condition will still + give cause for anxiety; on the day following—What is that noise. For + a sound like the whiffling of a wind through dry sticks combined with the + creaking of a saw had, impinged on his senses. It was succeeded by + scratching. “Blink!” said Mr. Lavender. A heartrending whine + came from outside the door. Mr. Lavender rose and opened it. His dog came + in carrying her bone, and putting it down by the bed divided her attention + between it and her master's legs, revealed by the nightshirt which, + in deference to the great Disraeli, he had never abandoned in favour of + pyjamas. Having achieved so erect a posture Mr. Lavender, whose heated + imagination had now carried him to the convalescent stage of his + indisposition, felt that a change of air would do him good, and going to + the window, leaned out above a lilac-tree. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. John Lavender,” he murmured, “has gone to his seat + to recuperate before resuming his public duties.” + </p> + <p> + While he stood there his attention was distracted by a tall young lady of + fine build and joyous colour, who was watering some sweet-peas in the + garden of the adjoining castle: Naturally delicate, Mr. Lavender at once + sought a jacket, and, having put it on, resumed his position at the + window. He had not watched her more than two minutes before he saw that + she was cultivating soil, and, filled with admiration, he leaned still + further out, and said: + </p> + <p> + “My dear young madam, you are doing a great work.” + </p> + <p> + Thus addressed, the young lady, who had those roving grey eyes which see + everything and betoken a large nature not devoid of merry genius, looked + up and smiled. + </p> + <p> + “Believe me,” continued Mr. Lavender, “no task in these + days is so important as the cultivation of the soil; now that we are + fighting to the last man and the last dollar every woman and child in the + islands should put their hands to the plough. And at that word his vision + became feverishly enlarged, so that he seemed to see not merely the young + lady, but quantities of young ladies, filling the whole garden. + </p> + <p> + “This,” he went on, raising his voice, “is the + psychological moment, the turning-point in the history of these islands. + The defeat of our common enemies imposes on us the sacred duty of feeding + ourselves once more. 'There is a tide in the affairs of men which + taken at the flood leads on to——Oh!” For in his desire + to stir his audience, Mr. Lavender had reached out too far, and losing + foothold on his polished bedroom floor, was slipping down into the + lilac-bush. He was arrested by a jerk from behind; where Blink, moved by + this sudden elopement of her master, had seized him by the nightshirt + tails, and was staying his descent. + </p> + <p> + “Is anything up?” said the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “I have lost my balance,” thickly answered Mr. Lavender, whose + blood was running to his head, which was now lower than his feet. “Fortunately, + my dog seems to be holding me from behind. But if someone could assist her + it would be an advantage, for I fear that I am slipping.” + </p> + <p> + “Hold on!” cried the young lady. And breaking through the low + privet hedge which separated the domains, she vanished beneath him with a + low gurgling sound. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who dared not speak again for fear that Blink, hearing his + voice, might let go to answer, remained suspended, torn with anxiety about + his costume. “If she comes in,” he thought, “I shall die + from shame. And if she doesn't, I shall die from a broken neck. What + a dreadful alternative!” And he firmly grasped the most substantial + lilac-boughs within his reach, listening with the ears of a hare for any + sound within the room, in which he no longer was to any appreciable + extent. Then the thought of what a public man should feel in his position + came to his rescue. “We die but once,” he mused; “rather + than shock that charming lady let me seek oblivion.” And the words + of his obituary notice at once began to dance before his eyes. “This + great public servant honoured his country no less in his death than in his + life.” Then striking out vigorously with his feet he launched his + body forward. The words “My goodness!” resounded above him, as + all restraining influence was suddenly relaxed; Mr. Lavender slid into the + lilac-bush, turned heels over head, and fell bump on the ground. He lay + there at full, length, conscious of everything, and especially of the + faces of Blink and the young lady looking down on him from the window. + </p> + <p> + “Are you hurt?” she called. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Lavender, “that is—er—yes,” + he added, ever scrupulously exact. + </p> + <p> + “I'm coming down,” said the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “Don't move!” + </p> + <p> + With a great effort Mr. Lavender arranged his costume, and closed his + eyes. “How many lie like this, staring at the blue heavens!” + he thought. + </p> + <p> + “Where has it got you?” said a voice; and he saw the young + lady bending over him. + </p> + <p> + “'In the dorsal region, I think,” said Mr. Lavender. + “But I suffer more from the thought that I—that you—” + </p> + <p> + “That's all right,” said the young lady; “I'm + a V.A.D. It WAS a bump! Let's see if you can——” + and taking his hands she raised him to a sitting posture. “Does it + work?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Lavender rather faintly. + </p> + <p> + “Try and stand,” said the young lady, pulling. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender tried, and stood; but no, sooner was he on his feet than she + turned her face away. Great tears rolled down her cheeks; and she writhed + and shook all over. + </p> + <p> + “Don't!” cried Mr. Lavender, much concerned. “I + beg you not to cry. It's nothing, I assure you—nothing!” + The young lady with an effort controlled her emotion, and turned her large + grey eyes on him. + </p> + <p> + “The angelic devotion of nurses!” murmured Mr. Lavender, + leaning against the wall of the house with his hand to his back. “Nothing + like it has been seen since the world began.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall never forget the sight!” said the young lady, + choking. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who took the noises she made for sobbing, was unutterably + disturbed. + </p> + <p> + “I can't bear to see you distressed on my account,” he + said. “I am quite well, I assure you; look—I can walk!” + And he started forth up the garden in his nightshirt and Norfolk jacket. + When he turned round she was no longer there, sounds of uncontrollable + emotion were audible from the adjoining garden. Going to the privet hedge, + he looked aver. She was lying gracefully on the grass, with her face + smothered in her hands, and her whole body shaking. “Poor thing!” + thought Mr. Lavender. “No doubt she is one of those whose nerves + have been destroyed by the terrible sights she has seen!” But at + that moment the young lady rose and ran as if demented into her castle. + Mr. Lavender stayed transfixed. “Who would not be ill for the + pleasure of drinking from a cup held by her hand?” he thought. + “I am fortunate to have received injuries in trying to save her from + confusion. Down, Blink, down!” + </p> + <p> + For his dog, who had once more leaped from the window, was frantically + endeavouring to lick his face. Soothing her, and feeling his anatomy, Mr. + Lavender became conscious that he was not alone. An old lady was standing + on the gardenpath which led to the front gate, holding in her hand a hat. + Mr. Lavender sat down at once, and gathering his nightshirt under him, + spoke as follows: + </p> + <p> + “There are circumstances, madam, which even the greatest public + servants cannot foresee, and I, who am the humblest of them, ask you to + forgive me for receiving you in this costume.” + </p> + <p> + “I have brought your hat back,” said the old lady with a + kindling eye; “they told me you lived here and I was anxious to know + that you and your dear dog were none the worse.” + </p> + <p> + “Madam,” replied Mr. Lavender, “I am infinitely obliged + to you. Would you very kindly hang my hat up on the—er—weeping + willow tree?” + </p> + <p> + At this moment a little white dog, who accompanied the old lady, began + sniffing round Mr. Lavender, and Blink, wounded in her proprietary + instincts, placed her paws at once on her master's shoulders, so + that he fell prone. When he recovered a sitting posture neither the old + lady nor the little dog were in sight, but his hat was hanging on a laurel + bush. “There seems to be something fateful about this morning,” + he mused; “I had better go in before the rest of the female + population——” and recovering his feet with difficulty, + he took his hat, and was about to enter the house when he saw the young + lady watching him from an upper window of the adjoining castle. Thinking + to relieve her anxiety, he said at once: + </p> + <p> + “My dear young lady, I earnestly beg you to believe that such a + thing never happens to me, as a rule.” + </p> + <p> + Her face was instantly withdrawn, and, sighing deeply, Mr. Lavender + entered the house and made his way upstairs. “Ah!” he thought, + painfully recumbent in his bed once more, “though my bones ache and + my head burns I have performed an action not unworthy of the traditions of + public life. There is nothing more uplifting than to serve Youth and + Beauty at the peril of one's existence. Humanity and Chivalry have + ever been the leading characteristics of the British race;” and, + really half-delirious now, he cried aloud: “This incident will for + ever inspire those who have any sense of beauty to the fulfilment of our + common task. Believe me, we shall never sheathe the sword until the cause + of humanity and chivalry is safe once more.” + </p> + <p> + Blink, ever uneasy about sounds which seemed to her to have no meaning, + stood up on her hind legs and endeavoured to stay them by licking his + face; and Mr. Lavender, who had become so stiff that he could not stir + without great pain, had to content himself by moving his head feebly from + side to side until his dog, having taken her fill, resumed the examination + of her bone. Perceiving presently that whenever he began to-talk she began + to lick his face, he remained silent, with his mouth open and his eyes + shut, in an almost unconscious condition, from which he was roused by a + voice saying: + </p> + <p> + “He is suffering from alcoholic poisoning.” + </p> + <p> + The monstrous injustice of these words restored his faculties, and seeing + before him what he took to be a large concourse of people—composed + in reality of Joe Petty, Mrs. Petty, and the doctor—he thus + addressed them in a faint, feverish voice: + </p> + <p> + “The pressure of these times, ladies and gentlemen, brings to the + fore the most pushing and obstreperous blackguards. We have amongst us + persons who, under the thin disguise of patriotism, do not scruple to + bring hideous charges against public men. Such but serve the blood-stained + cause of our common enemies. Conscious of the purity of our private lives, + we do not care what is said of us so long as we can fulfil our duty to our + country. Abstinence from every form of spirituous liquor has been the + watchword of all public men since this land was first threatened by the + most stupendous cataclysm which ever hung over the heads of a great + democracy. We have never ceased to preach the need for it, and those who + say the contrary are largely Germans or persons lost to a sense of + decency.” So saying, he threw off all the bedclothes, and fell back + with a groan. + </p> + <p> + “Easy, easy, my dear sir!” said the voice. + </p> + <p> + “Have you a pain in your back?” + </p> + <p> + “I shall not submit,” returned our hero, “to the + ministrations of a Hun; sooner will I breathe my last.” + </p> + <p> + “Turn him over,” said the voice. And Mr. Lavender found + himself on his face. + </p> + <p> + “Do you feel that?” said the voice. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender answered faintly into his pillow: + </p> + <p> + “It is useless for you to torture me. No German hand shall wring + from me a groan.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there mania in his family?” asked the voice. At this cruel + insult Mr. Lavender, who was nearly smothered, made a great effort, and + clearing his mouth of the pillow, said: + </p> + <p> + “Since we have no God nowadays, I call the God of my fathers to + witness that there is no saner public man than I.” + </p> + <p> + It was, however, his last effort, for the wriggle he had given to his + spine brought on a kind of vertigo, and he relapsed into unconsciousness. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V + </h2> + <h3> + IS CONVICTED OF A NEW DISEASE + </h3> + <p> + Those who were assembled round the bed of Mr. Lavender remained for a + moment staring at him with their mouths open, while Blink growled faintly + from underneath. + </p> + <p> + “Put your hand here,” said the doctor at last. + </p> + <p> + “There is a considerable swelling, an appearance of inflammation, + and the legs are a curious colour. You gave him three-quarters of a + tumbler of rum—how much honey?” + </p> + <p> + Thus addressed, Joe Petty, leaning his head a little to one side, + answered: + </p> + <p> + “Not 'alf a pot, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Um! There are all the signs here of something quite new. He's + not had a fall, has he?” + </p> + <p> + “Has he?” said Mrs. Petty severely to her husband. + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied Joe. + </p> + <p> + “Singular!” said the doctor. Turn him back again; I want to + feel his head. Swollen; it may account for his curious way of talking. + Well, shove in quinine, and keep him quiet, with hot bottles to his feet. + I think we have come on a new war disease. I'll send you the + quinine. Good morning. + </p> + <p> + “Wot oh!” said Joe to his wife, when they were left alone with + the unconscious body of their master. “Poor old Guv! Watch and pray!” + </p> + <p> + “However could you have given him such a thing?” + </p> + <p> + “Wet outside, wet your inside,” muttered Joe sulkily, “'as + always been my motto. Sorry I give 'im the honey. Who'd ha' + thought the product of an 'armless insect could 'a done + 'im in like this?” + </p> + <p> + Fiddle said Mrs. Petty. “In my belief it's come on through + reading those newspapers. If I had my way I'd bum the lot. Can I + trust you to watch him while I go and get the bottles filled?” + </p> + <p> + Joe drooped his lids over his greenish eyes, and, with a whisk of her + head, his wife left the room. + </p> + <p> + “Gawd 'elp us!” thought Joe, gazing at his unconscious + master, and fingering his pipe; “'ow funny women are! If I was + to smoke in 'ere she'd have a fit. I'll just 'ave + a whiff in the window, though!” And, leaning out, he drew the + curtains to behind him and lighted his pipe. + </p> + <p> + The sound of Blink gnawing her bone beneath the bed alone broke the + silence. + </p> + <p> + “I could do with a pint o' bitter,” thought Joe; and, + noticing the form of the weekly gardener down below, he said softly: + </p> + <p> + “'Ello, Bob!” + </p> + <p> + “'Ello?” replied the gardener. “'Ow's + yours?” + </p> + <p> + “Nicely.” + </p> + <p> + “Goin' to 'ave some rain?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” + </p> + <p> + “What's the matter with that?” + </p> + <p> + “Good for the crops.” + </p> + <p> + “Missis well?” + </p> + <p> + “So, so.” + </p> + <p> + “Wish mine was.” + </p> + <p> + “Wot's the matter with her?” + </p> + <p> + “Busy!” replied Joe, sinking his voice. Never 'ave a + woman permanent; that's my experience. + </p> + <p> + The gardener did not reply, but stood staring at the lilac-bush below Joe + Petty's face. He was a thin man, rather like an old horse. + </p> + <p> + “Do you think we can win this war?” resumed Joe. + </p> + <p> + “Dunno,” replied the gardener apathetically. + </p> + <p> + “We seem to be goin' back nicely all the time.” + </p> + <p> + Joe wagged his head. “You've 'it it,” he said. + And, jerking his head back towards the room behind him, “Guv'nor's + got it now.” + </p> + <p> + “What?” + </p> + <p> + “The new disease.” + </p> + <p> + “What new disease?” + </p> + <p> + “Wy, the Run-abaht-an-tell-'em-'ow-to-do-it.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” + </p> + <p> + “'E's copped it fair. In bed.” + </p> + <p> + “You don't say!” + </p> + <p> + “Not 'alf!” Joe sank his voice still lower. “Wot'll + you bet me I don't ketch it soon?” + </p> + <p> + The gardener uttered a low gurgle. + </p> + <p> + “The cats 'ave been in that laylock,” he replied, + twisting off a broken branch. “I'll knock off now for a bit o' + lunch.” + </p> + <p> + But at that moment the sound of a voice speaking as it might be from a + cavern, caused him and Joe Petty to stare at each other as if petrified. + </p> + <p> + “Wot is it?” whispered Joe at last. + </p> + <p> + The gardener jerked his head towards a window on the ground floor. + </p> + <p> + “Someone in pain,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Sounds like the Guv'nor's voice.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the gardener. + </p> + <p> + “Alf a mo'!” And, drawing in his head, Joe peered + through the curtains. The bed was empty and the door open. + </p> + <p> + “Watch it! 'E's loose!” he called to the gardener, + and descended the stairs at a run. + </p> + <p> + In fact, Mr. Lavender had come out of his coma at the words, “D'you + think we can win this war?” And, at once conscious that he had not + read the morning papers, had got out of bed. Sallying forth just as he was + he had made his way downstairs, followed by Blink. Seeing the journals + lying on the chest in the hall, he took all five to where he usually went + at this time of the morning, and sat down to read. Once there, the pain he + was in, added to the disorder occasioned in his brain by the five leaders, + caused him to give forth a summary of their contents, while Blink pressed + his knees with her chin whenever the rising of his voice betokened too + great absorption, as was her wont when she wanted him to feed her. Joe + Petty joined the gardener in considerable embarrassment. + </p> + <p> + “Shan't I not 'alf cop it from the Missis?” he + murmured. “The door's locked.” + </p> + <p> + The voice of Mr. Lavender maintained its steady flow, rising and falling + with the tides of his pain and his feelings. “What, then, is our + duty? Is it not plain and simple? We require every man in the Army, for + that is the 'sine qua non' of victory. We must greatly + reinforce the ranks of labour in our shipyards—ships, ships, ships, + always more ships; for without them we shall infallibly be defeated. We + cannot too often repeat that we must see the great drama that is being + played before our eyes steadily, and we must see it whole.... Not a man + must be taken from the cultivation of our soil, for on that depends our + very existence as a nation. Without abundant labour of the right sort on + the land we cannot hope to cope with the menace of the pirate submarine. + We must have the long vision, and not be scuppered by the fears of those + who would deplete our most vital industry.... In munition works,” + wailed Mr. Lavender's voice, as he reached the fourth leader, + “we still require the maximum of effort, and a considerable + reinforcement of manpower will in that direction be necessary to enable us + to establish the overwhelming superiority in the air and in guns which + alone can ensure the defeat of our enemies....” He reached the fifth + in what was almost a scream. “Every man up to sixty must be + mobilized but here we would utter the most emphatic caveat. In the end + this war will be won by the country whose financial position stands the + strain best. The last copper bullet will be the deciding factor. Our + economic strength must on no account be diminished. We cannot at this time + of day afford to deplete the ranks of trade and let out the very + life-blood in our veins.” “We must see,” groaned Mr. + Lavender, “the problem steadily, and see it whole.” + </p> + <p> + “Poor old geyser!” said the gardener; “'e do seem + bad.” + </p> + <p> + “Old me!” said Joe. + </p> + <p> + “I'll get on the sill and see what I can do through the top o' + the window.” + </p> + <p> + He got up, and, held by the gardener, put his arm through. There was the + sound of considerable disturbance, and through the barking of Blink, Mr. + Lavender's voice was heard again: “Stanch in the middle of the + cataclysm, unruffled by the waters of heaven and hell, let us be captains + of our souls. Down, Blink, down!” + </p> + <p> + “He's out!” said Joe, rejoining the gardener. “Now + for it, before my missis comes!” and he ran into the house. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender was walking dazedly in the hall with the journals held out + before him. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” he said, catching sight of his servant, “get the + car ready. I must be in five places at once, for only thus can we defeat + the greatest danger which ever threatened the future of civilization.” + </p> + <p> + “Right-o, sir,” replied Joe; and, waiting till his master + turned round, he seized him round the legs, and lifting that thin little + body ascended the stairs, while Mr. Lavender, with the journals waving + fanlike in his hands, his white hair on end, and his legs kicking, + endeavoured to turn his head to see what agency was moving him. + </p> + <p> + At the top of the stairs they came on Mrs. Petty, who, having Scotch blood + in her veins, stood against the wall to let them pass, with a hot bottle + in either hand. Having placed Mr. Lavender in his bed and drawn the + clothes up to his eyes, Joe Petty passed the back of his hand across his + brow, and wrung it out. + </p> + <p> + “Phew!” he gasped; “he's artful!” + </p> + <p> + His wife, who had followed them in, was already fastening her eyes on the + carpet. + </p> + <p> + “What's that?” she said, sniffing. + </p> + <p> + “That?” repeated Joe, picking up his pipe; “why, I had + to run to ketch 'im, and it fell out o' me pocket.” + </p> + <p> + “And lighted itself,” said Mrs. Petty, darting, at the floor + and taking up a glowing quid which had burned a little round hole in the + carpet. “You're a pretty one!” + </p> + <p> + “You can't foresee those sort o' things,” said + Joe. + </p> + <p> + “You can't foresee anything,” replied his wife; “you + might be a Government. Here! hold the clothes while I get the bottles to + his feet. Well I never! If he hasn't got——” And + from various parts of Mr. Lavender's body she recovered the five + journals. “For putting things in the wrong place, Joe Petty, I've + never seen your like!” + </p> + <p> + “They'll keep 'im warm,” said Joe. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender who, on finding himself in bed, had once more fallen into a + comatose condition, stirred, and some words fell from his lips. “Five + in one, and one in five.” + </p> + <p> + “What does he say?” said Mrs. Petty, tucking him up. + </p> + <p> + “It's the odds against Candelabra for the Derby.” + </p> + <p> + “Only faith,” cried Mr. Lavender, “can multiply + exceedingly.” + </p> + <p> + “Here, take them away!” muttered Mrs. Petty, and dealing the + journals a smart slap, she handed them to Joe. + </p> + <p> + “Faith!” repeated Mr. Lavender, and fell into a doze. + </p> + <p> + “About this new disease,” said Joe. “D'you think + it's ketchin'? I feel rather funny meself.” + </p> + <p> + “Stuff!” returned his wife. “Clear away those papers and + that bone, and go and take Blink out, and sit on a seat; it's all + you're fit for. Of all the happy-go-luckys you're the worst.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I never could worry,” said Joe from the doorway; + “'tisn't in me. So long!” + </p> + <p> + And, dragging Blink by the collar, he withdrew. + </p> + <p> + Alone with her patient, Mrs. Petty, an enthusiast for cleanliness and + fresh air, went on her knees, and, having plucked out the charred ring of + the little hole in the carpet, opened the window wider to rid the room of + the smell of burning. “If it wasn't for me,” she + thought, leaning out into the air, “I don't know what'd + become of them.” + </p> + <p> + A voice from a few feet away said: + </p> + <p> + “I hope he's none the worse. What does the doctor say?” + </p> + <p> + Looking round in astonishment, Mrs. Petty saw a young lady leaning out of + a window on her right. + </p> + <p> + “We can't tell at present,” she said, with a certain + reserve he is going on satisfactory. + </p> + <p> + “It's not hydrophobia, is it?” asked the young lady. + “You know he fell out of the window? + </p> + <p> + “What!” ejaculated Mrs. Petty. + </p> + <p> + “Where the lilac's broken. If I can give you a hand I shall be + very glad. I'm a V.A.D.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, I'm sure,” said Mrs. Petty stiffly, for the + passion of jealousy, to which she was somewhat prone, was rising in her, + “there is no call.” And she thought, “V.A. indeed! I + know them.” + </p> + <p> + Poor dear said the young lady. “He did come a bump. It was awfully + funny! Is he—er——?” And she touched her forehead, + where tendrils of fair hair were blowing in the breeze. + </p> + <p> + Inexpressibly outraged by such a question concerning one for whom she had + a proprietary reverence, Mrs. Petty answered acidly: + </p> + <p> + “Oh dear no! He is much wiser than some people!” + </p> + <p> + “It was only that he mentioned the last man and the last dollar, you + know,” said the young lady, as if to herself, “but, of course, + that's no real sign.” And she uttered a sudden silvery laugh. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Petty became aware of something tickling her left ear, and turning + round, found her master leaning out beside her, in his dressing-gown. + </p> + <p> + “Leave me, Mrs. Petty,” he said with such dignity that she + instinctively recoiled. “It may seem to you,” continued Mr. + Lavender, addressing the young lady, “indelicate on my part to + resume my justification, but as a public man, I suffer, knowing that I + have committed a breach of decorum.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't you think you ought to keep quiet in bed?” Mrs. + Petty heard the young lady ask. + </p> + <p> + “My dear young lady,” Mr. Lavender replied, “the thought + of bed is abhorrent to me at a time like this. What more ignoble fate than + to die in, one's bed?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm only asking you to live in it,” said the young + lady, while Mrs. Petty grasped her master by the skirts of his gown. + </p> + <p> + “Down, Blink, down!” said Mr. Lavender, leaning still further + out. + </p> + <p> + “For pity's sake,” wailed the young lady, “don't + fall out again, or I shall burst.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, believe me,” said Mr. Lavender in a receding voice, + “I would not pain you further for the world——” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Petty, exerting all her strength, had hauled him in. + </p> + <p> + “Aren't you ashamed of yourself, sir,” she said + severely, “talking to a young lady like that in your dressing-gown? + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Petty,” said Mr Lavender mysteriously, “it might + have been worse.... I should like some tea with a little lemon in it.” + </p> + <p> + Taking this for a sign of returning reason Mrs. Petty drew him gently + towards the bed, and, having seen him get in, tucked him up and said: + </p> + <p> + “Now, sir, you never break your word, do you?” + </p> + <p> + “No public man——” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, bother! Now, promise me to stay quiet in bed while I get you + that tea.” + </p> + <p> + “I certainly shall,” replied our hero, “for I feel + rather faint.” + </p> + <p> + “That's right,” said Mrs. Petty. “I trust you.” + And, bolting the window, she whisked out of the room and locked the door + behind her. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender lay with his eyes fixed on the ceiling, clucking his parched + tongue. “God,” he thought, “for one must use that word + when the country is in danger—God be thanked for Beauty! But I must + not allow it to unsteel my soul. Only when the cause of humanity has + triumphed, and with the avenging sword and shell we have exterminated that + criminal nation, only then shall I be entitled to let its gentle influence + creep about my being.” And drinking off the tumbler of tea which + Mrs. Petty was holding to his lips, he sank almost immediately into a deep + slumber. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VI + </h2> + <h3> + MAKES A MISTAKE, AND MEETS A MOON-CAT + </h3> + <p> + The old lady, whose name was Sinkin, and whose interest in Mr. Lavender + had become so deep, lived in a castle in Frognal; and with her lived her + young nephew, a boy of forty-five, indissolubly connected with the Board + of Guardians. It was entirely due to her representations that he presented + himself at Mr. Lavender's on the following day, and, sending in his + card, was admitted to our hero's presence. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, pale and stiff, was sitting in his study, with Blink on his + feet, reading a speech. + </p> + <p> + “Excuse my getting up, sir,” he said; “and pray be + seated.” + </p> + <p> + The nephew, who had a sleepy, hairless face and little Chinese eyes, + bowed, and sitting down, stared at Mr. Lavender with a certain + embarrassment. + </p> + <p> + “I have come,” he said at last, “to ask you a few + questions on behalf of—” + </p> + <p> + “By all means,” said Mr. Lavender, perceiving at once that he + was being interviewed. “I shall be most happy to give you my views. + Please take a cigarette, for I believe that is usual. I myself do not + smoke. If it is the human touch you want, you may like to know that I gave + it up when that appeal in your contemporary flooded the trenches with + cigarettes and undermined the nerves of our heroes. By setting an example + of abstinence, and at the same time releasing more tobacco for our men, I + felt that I was but doing my duty. Please don't mention that, + though. And while we are on the personal note, which I sincerely + deprecate, you might like to stroll round the room and look at the + portrait of my father, behind the door, and of my mother, over the + fireplace. Forgive my not accompanying you. The fact is—this is an + interesting touch—I have always been rather subject to lumbago.” + And seeing the nephew Sinkin, who had risen to his suggestion, standing + somewhat irresolutely in front of him, he added: “Perhaps you would + like to look a little more closely at my eyes. Every now and then they + flash with an almost uncanny insight.” For by now he had quite + forgotten his modesty in the identification he felt with the journal which + was interviewing him. “I am fifty-eight,” he added quickly; + “but I do not look my years, though my hair, still thick and full of + vigour, is prematurely white—so often the case with men whose brains + are continually on the stretch. The little home, far from grandiose, which + forms the background to this most interesting personality is embowered in + trees. Cats have made their mark on its lawns, and its owner's love + of animals was sharply illustrated by the sheep-dog which lay on his feet + clad in Turkish slippers. Get up, Blink!” + </p> + <p> + Blink, disturbed by the motion of her master's feet, rose and gazed + long into his face. + </p> + <p> + “Look!” said Mr. Lavender, “she has the most beautiful + eyes in the world.” + </p> + <p> + At this remark, which appeared to him no saner than the others he had + heard—so utterly did he misjudge Mr. Lavender's character—the + nephew put down the notebook he had taken out of his pocket, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Has there ever been anything—er—remarkable about your + family?” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, yes,” said Mr. Lavender. “Born of poor but + lofty parentage in the city of Rochester, my father made his living as a + publisher; my mother was a true daughter of the bards, the scion of a + stock tracing its decent from the Druids; her name was originally Jones.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the nephew Sinkin, writing. + </p> + <p> + “She has often told me at her knee,” continued Mr. Lavender, + “that there was a strong vein of patriotism in her family.” + </p> + <p> + “She did not die—in—in——” + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed,” interrupted Mr. Lavender; “she is still + living there.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the nephew. “And your brothers and sisters?” + </p> + <p> + “One of my brothers,” replied Mr. Lavender, with pardonable + pride, “is the editor of Cud Bits. The other is a clergyman.” + </p> + <p> + “Eccentric,” murmured the nephew absently. “Tell me, Mr. + Lavender, do you find your work a great strain? Does it——” + and he touched the top of his head, covered with moist black hair. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed. “At a time like this,” he said, “we + must all be prepared to sacrifice our health. No public man, as you know, + can call his head his own for a moment. I should count myself singularly + lacking if I stopped to consider—er—such a consideration.” + </p> + <p> + “Consider—er—such a consideration,” repeated the + nephew, jotting it down. + </p> + <p> + “He carries on,” murmured Mr. Lavender, once more identifying + himself with the journal, “grappling with the intricacies of this + enormous problem; happy in the thought that nothing—not even reason + itself—is too precious to sacrifice on the altar of his duty to his + country. The public may rest confident in the knowledge that he will so + carry on till they carry him out on his shield.” And aware + subconsciously that the interview could go no further than that phrase, + Mr. Lavender was silent, gazing up with rather startled eyes. + </p> + <p> + “I see,” said the nephew; “I am very much obliged to + you. Is your dog safe?” For Blink had begun to growl in a low and + uneasy manner. + </p> + <p> + “The gentlest creature in the world,” replied Lavender, + “and the most sociable. I sometimes think,” he went on in a + changed voice, “that we have all gone mad, and that animals alone + retain the sweet reasonableness which used to be esteemed a virtue in + human society. Don't take that down,” he added quickly, + “we are all subject to moments of weakness. It was just an 'obiter + dictum'.” + </p> + <p> + “Make your mind easy,” said the nephew, rising, “it does + not serve my purpose. Just one thing, Mr. Lavender.” + </p> + <p> + At this moment Blink, whose instinct had long been aware of some sinister + purpose in this tall and heavy man, whose trousers did not smell of dogs, + seeing him approach too near, bit him gently in the calf. + </p> + <p> + The nephew started back. “She's bitten me!” he said, in + a hushed voice. + </p> + <p> + “My God!” ejaculated Mr. Lavender and falling back again, so + stiff was he. “Is it possible? There must be some good reason. + Blink!” + </p> + <p> + Blink wagged her little tail, thrust her nose into his hand, removed it, + and growled again. + </p> + <p> + “She is quite well, I assure you,” Mr. Lavender added hastily, + “her nose is icy.” + </p> + <p> + “She's bitten me,” repeated the nephew, pulling up his + trouser leg. “There's no mark, but she distinctly bit me.” + </p> + <p> + “Treasure!” said Mr. Lavender, endeavouring to interest him in + the dog. “Do you notice how dark the rims of her eyes are, and how + clear the whites? Extraordinarily well bred. Blink!” + </p> + <p> + Aware that she was being talked of Blink continued to be torn between the + desire to wag her tail and to growl. Unable to make up her mind, she + sighed heavily and fell on her side against her side against her master's + legs. + </p> + <p> + “Wonderful with sheep, too,” said Mr. Lavender; “at + least, she would be if they would let her.... You should see her with them + on the Heath. They simply can't bear her.” + </p> + <p> + “You will hear from me again,” said the nephew sourly. + </p> + <p> + “Thank you,” said Mr. Lavender. “I shall be glad of a + proof; it is always safer, I believe.” + </p> + <p> + “Good morning,” said the nephew. + </p> + <p> + Blink, who alone perceived the dark meaning in these words, seeing him + move towards the door began to bark and run from side to side behind him, + for all the world as if he had been a flock of sheep. + </p> + <p> + “Keep her off!” said the nephew anxiously. “Keep her + off. I refuse to be bitten again.” + </p> + <p> + “Blink!” called Mr. Lavender in some agony. Blink, whose + obedience was excessive, came back to him at once, and stood growling from + under her master's hand, laid on the white hair which flowed back + from her collar, till the nephew's footsteps had died away. “I + cannot imagine,” thought Mr. Lavender, “why she should have + taken exception to that excellent journalist. Perhaps he did not smell + quite right? One never knows.” + </p> + <p> + And with her moustachioed muzzle pressed to his chin Mr. Lavender sought + for explanation in the innocent and living darkness of his dog's + eyes.... + </p> + <p> + On leaving Mr. Lavender's the nephew forthwith returned to the + castle in Frognal, and sought his aunt. + </p> + <p> + “Mad as a March hare, Aunt Rosie; and his dog bit me.” + </p> + <p> + “That dear doggie?” + </p> + <p> + “They're dangerous.” + </p> + <p> + “You were always funny about dogs, dear,” said his aunt + soothingly. “Why, even Sealey doesn't really like you.” + And calling to the little low white dog she quite failed to attract his + attention. “Did you notice his dress. The first time I took him for + a shepherd, and the second time—-! What do you think ought to be + done?” + </p> + <p> + “He'll have to be watched,” said the nephew. “We + can't have lunatics at large in Hampstead.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Wilfred,” said the old lady, “will our man-power + stand it? Couldn't they watch each other? Or, if it would be any + help, I could watch him myself. I took such a fancy to his dear dog.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall take steps,” said the nephew. + </p> + <p> + “No, don't do that. I'll go and call on the people, next + door. Their name is Scarlet. They'll know about him, no doubt. We + mustn't do anything inconsiderate.” + </p> + <p> + The nephew, muttering and feeling his calf, withdrew to his study. And the + old lady, having put on her bonnet, set forth placidly, unaccompanied by + her little white dog. + </p> + <p> + On arriving at the castle embedded in acacias and laurustinus she asked of + the maid who opened: + </p> + <p> + “Can I see Mrs. Scarlet?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the girl dispassionately; “she's + dead.” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Scarlet, then?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the girl, “he's a major.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear!” said the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Isabel's at home,” said the girl, who appeared, + like so many people in time of war, to be of a simple, plain-spoken + nature; “you'll find her in the garden.” And she let the + old lady out through a French window. + </p> + <p> + At the far end, under an acacia, Mrs. Sinkin could see the form of a young + lady in a blue dress, lying in a hammock, with a cigarette between her + lips and a yellow book in her hands. She approached her thinking, “Dear + me! how comfortable, in these days!” And, putting her head a little + on one side, she said with a smile: “My name is Sinkin. I hope I'm + not disturbing you.” + </p> + <p> + The young lady rose with a vigorous gesture. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no! Not a bit.” + </p> + <p> + “I do admire some people,” said the old lady; “they seem + to find time for everything.” + </p> + <p> + The young lady stretched herself joyously. + </p> + <p> + “I'm taking it out before going to my new hospital. Try it,” + she said touching the hammock; “it's not bad. Will you have a + cigarette?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid I'm too old for both,” said the old + lady, “though I've often thought they must be delightfully + soothing. I wanted to speak to you about your neighbour.” + </p> + <p> + The young lady rolled her large grey eyes. “Ah!” she said, + “he's perfectly sweet.” + </p> + <p> + “I know,” said the old lady, “and has such a dear dog. + My nephew's very interested in them. You may have heard of him—Wilfred + Sinkin—a very clever man; on so many Committees.” + </p> + <p> + “Not really?” said the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes! He has one of those heads which nothing can disturb; so + valuable in these days.” + </p> + <p> + “And what sort of a heart?” asked the young lady, emitting a + ring of smoke. + </p> + <p> + “Just as serene. I oughtn't to say so, but I think he's + rather a wonderful machine.” + </p> + <p> + “So long as he's not a doctor! You can't think how they + get on your nerves when they're, like that. I've bumped up + against so many of them. They fired me at last!” + </p> + <p> + “Really? Where? I thought they only did that to the dear horses. Oh, + what a pretty laugh you have! It's so pleasant to hear anyone laugh, + in these days.” + </p> + <p> + “I thought no one did anything else! I mean, what else can you do, + except die, don't you know?” + </p> + <p> + “I think that's rather a gloomy view,” said the old lady + placidly. “But about your neighbour. What is his name?” + </p> + <p> + “Lavender. But I call him Don Pickwixote.” + </p> + <p> + “Dear me, do you indeed? Have you noticed anything very eccentric + about him?” + </p> + <p> + “That depends on what you call eccentric. Wearing a nightshirt, for + instance? I don't know what your standard is, you see.” + </p> + <p> + The old lady was about to reply when a voice from the adjoining garden was + heard saying: + </p> + <p> + “Blink! Don't touch that charming mooncat!” + </p> + <p> + “Hush!” murmured the young lady; and seizing her visitor's + arm, she drew her vigorously beneath the acacia tree. Sheltered from + observation by those thick and delicate branches, they stooped, and + applying their eyes to holes in the privet hedge, could see a very little + cat, silvery-fawn in colour and far advanced in kittens, holding up its + paw exactly like a dog, and gazing with sherry-coloured eyes at Mr. + Lavender, who stood in the middle of his lawn, with Blink behind him. + </p> + <p> + “If you see me going to laugh,” whispered the young lady, + “pinch me hard.” + </p> + <p> + “Moon-cat,” repeated Mr. Lavender, “where have you come + from? And what do you want, holding up your paw like that? What curious + little noises you make, duckie!” The cat, indeed, was uttering + sounds rather like a duck. It came closer to Mr. Lavender, circled his + legs, drubbed itself against Blink's chest, while its tapered tail, + barred with silver, brushed her mouth. + </p> + <p> + “This is extraordinary,” they heard Mr. Lavender say; “I + would stroke it if I wasn't so stiff. How nice of you little + moon-cat to be friendly to my play-girl! For what is there in all the + world so pleasant to see as friendliness between a dog and cat!” + </p> + <p> + At those words the old lady, who was a great lover of animals, was so + affected that she pinched the young lady by mistake. + </p> + <p> + “Not yet!” whispered the latter in some agony. “Listen!” + </p> + <p> + “Moon-cat,” Mr. Lavender was saying, “Arcadia is in your + golden eyes. You have come, no doubt, to show us how far we have strayed + away from it.” And too stiff to reach the cat by bending, Mr. + Lavender let himself slowly down till he could sit. “Pan is dead,” + he said, as he arrived on the grass and crossed his feet, “and + Christ is not alive. Moon-cat!” + </p> + <p> + The little cat had put its head into his hand, while Blink was thrusting + her nose into his mouth. + </p> + <p> + “I'm going to sneeze!” whispered the old lady, strangely + affected. + </p> + <p> + “Pull your upper lip down hard, like the German Empress, and count + nine!” murmured the young. + </p> + <p> + While the old lady was doing this Mr. Lavender had again begun to speak. + </p> + <p> + “Life is now nothing but explosions. Gentleness has vanished, and + beauty is a dream. When you have your kittens, moon-cat, bring them up in + amity, to love milk, dogs, and the sun.” + </p> + <p> + The moon-cat, who had now reached his shoulder, brushed the tip of her + tail across his loose right eyebrow, while Blink's jealous tongue + avidly licked his high left cheekbone. With one hand Mr. Lavender was + cuddling the cat's head, with the other twiddling Blink's + forelock, and the watchers could see his eyes shining, and his white hair + standing up all ruffled. + </p> + <p> + “Isn't it sweet?” murmured the old lady. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! moon-cat,” went on Mr. Lavender, “come and live + with us. You shall have your kittens in the bathroom, and forget this age + of blood and iron.” + </p> + <p> + Both the old lady and the young were removing moisture from their eyes + when, the voice of Mr. Lavender, very changed, recalled them to their + vigil. His face had become strained and troubled. + </p> + <p> + “Never,” he was saying, “will we admit that doctrine of + our common enemies. Might is not right gentlemen those who take the sword + shall perish by the sword. With blood and iron we will ourselves stamp out + this noxious breed. No stone shall be left standing, and no babe sleeping + in that abandoned country. We will restore the tide of humanity, if we + have to wade through rivers of blood across mountains of iron.” + </p> + <p> + “Whom is he calling gentlemen?” whispered the old lady. + </p> + <p> + But Blink, by anxiously licking Mr. Lavender's lips, had produced a + silence in which the young-lady did not dare reply. The sound of the + little cat's purring broke the hush. + </p> + <p> + “Down, Blink, down!” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Watch this little moon-cat and her perfect manners! We may all + learn from her how not to be crude. See the light shining through her + pretty ears!” + </p> + <p> + The little cat, who had seen a bird, had left Mr. Lavender's + shoulder, and was now crouching and moving the tip of its tail from side + to side. + </p> + <p> + “She would like a bird inside her; but let us rather go and find her + some milk instead,” said Mr. Lavender, and he began to rise. + </p> + <p> + “Do you know, I think he's quite sane,” whispered the + old lady, “except, perhaps, at intervals. What do you?” + </p> + <p> + “Glorious print!” cried Mr. Lavender suddenly, for a journal + had fallen from his pocket, and the sight of it lying there, out of his + reach, excited him. “Glorious print! I can read you even from here. + When the enemy of mankind uses the word God he commits blasphemy! How + different from us!” And raising his eyes from the journal Mr. + Lavender fastened them, as it seemed to his anxious listeners, on the tree + which sheltered them. “Yes! Those unseen presences, who search out + the workings of our heart, know that even the most Jingo among us can say, + 'I am not as they are!' Come, mooncat!” + </p> + <p> + So murmuring, he turned and moved towards the house, clucking with his + tongue, and followed by Blink. + </p> + <p> + “Did he mean us?” said the old lady nervously. + </p> + <p> + “No; that was one of his intervals. He's not mad; he's + just crazy.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there any difference, my dear?” + </p> + <p> + “Why, we're all crazy about something, you know; it's + only a question of what.” + </p> + <p> + “But what is his what?” + </p> + <p> + “He's got a message. They're in the air, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “I haven't come across them,” said the old lady. “I + fear I live a very quiet life—except for picking over sphagnum moss.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, well! There's no hurry.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I shall tell my nephew what I've seen,” said the + old lady. “Good-bye.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-bye,” responded the young; and, picking up her yellow + book, she got back into the hammock and relighted her cigarette. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VII + </h2> + <h3> + SEES AND EDITOR, AND FINDS A FARMER + </h3> + <p> + Not for some days after his fall from the window did Mr. Lavender begin to + regain the elasticity of body necessary to the resumption of public life. + He spent the hours profitably, however, in digesting the newspapers and + storing ardour. On Tuesday morning, remembering that no proof of his + interview had yet been sent him, and feeling that he ought not to neglect + so important a matter, he set forth to the office of the great journal + from which, in the occult fashion of the faithful, he was convinced the + reporter had come. While he was asking for the editor in the stony + entrance, a young man who was passing looked at him attentively and said: + “Ah, sir, here you are! He's waiting for you. Come up, will + you?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender followed up some stairs, greatly gratified at the thought + that he was expected. The young man led him through one or two swing doors + into an outer office, where a young woman was typing. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender shook his head, and sat down on the edge of a green leather + chair. The editor, resuming his seat, crossed his legs deferentially, and + sinking his chin again on his chest, began: + </p> + <p> + “About your article. My only trouble, of course, is that I'm + running that stunt on British prisoners—great success! You've + seen it, I suppose?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, indeed,” said Mr. Lavender; I read you every day. + </p> + <p> + The editor made a little movement which showed that he was flattered, and + sinking his chin still further into his chest, resumed: + </p> + <p> + “It might run another week, or it might fall down to-morrow—you + never can tell. But I'm getting lots of letters. Tremendous public + interest.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” assented Mr. Lavender, “it's most + important.” + </p> + <p> + “Of course, we might run yours with it,” said the editor. + “But I don't know; I think it'd kill the other. Still——” + </p> + <p> + “I shouldn't like——” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “I don't believe in giving them more than they want, you know,” + resumed the editor. “I think I'll have my news editor in,” + and he blew into a tube. “Send me Mr. Crackamup. This thing of yours + is very important, sir. Suppose we began to run it on Thursday. Yes, I + should think they'll be tired of British prisoners by then.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't let me,” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + The editor's eye became unveiled for the Moment. “You'll + be wanting to take it somewhere else if we——Quite! Well, I + think we could run them together. See here, Mr. Crackamup”—Mr. + Lavender saw a small man like Beethoven frowning from behind spectacles—“could + we run this German prisoner stunt alongside the British, or d'you + think it would kill it?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender almost rose from his chair in surprise. “Are you——” + he said; “is it——” + </p> + <p> + The small man hiccoughed, and said in a raw voice: + </p> + <p> + “The letters are falling off.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” murmured the editor, “I thought we should be + through by Thursday. We'll start this new stunt Thursday. Give it + all prominence, Crackamup. It'll focus fury. All to the good—all + to the good. Opinion's ripe.” Then for a moment he seemed to + hesitate, and his chin sank back on his chest. “I don't know,” + he murmured, “of course it may——” + </p> + <p> + “Please,” began Mr. Lavender, rising, while the small man + hiccoughed again. The two motions seemed to determine the editor. + </p> + <p> + “That's all right, sir,” he said, rising also; “that's + quite all right. We'll say Thursday, and risk it. Thursday, + Crackamup.” And he held out his hand to Mr. Lavender. “Good + morning, sir, good morning. Delighted to have seen you. You wouldn't + put your name to it? Well, well, it doesn't matter; only you could + have written it. The turn of phrase—immense! They'll tumble + all right!” And Mr. Lavender found himself, with Mr. Crackamup, in + the lobby. “It's bewildering,” he thought, “how + quickly he settled that. And yet he had such repose. But is there some + mistake?” He was about to ask his companion, but with a distant + hiccough the small man had vanished. Thus deserted, Mr. Lavender was in + two minds whether to ask to be readmitted, when the four gentlemen with + notebooks repassed him in single file into the editor's room. + </p> + <p> + “My name is Lavender,” he said resolutely to the young woman. + “Is that all right?” + </p> + <p> + “Quite,” she answered, without looking up. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender went out slowly, thinking, “I may perhaps have said + more in that interview than I remember. Next time I really will insist on + having a proof. Or have they taken me for some other public man?” + This notion was so disagreeable, however, that he dismissed it, and passed + into the street. + </p> + <p> + On Thursday, the day fixed for his fresh tour of public speaking, he + opened the great journal eagerly. Above the third column was the headline: + OUR VITAL DUTY: BY A GREAT PUBLIC MAN. “That must be it,” he + thought. The article, which occupied just a column of precious space, + began with an appeal so moving that before he had read twenty lines Mr. + Lavender had identified himself completely with the writer; and if anyone + had told him that he had not uttered these sentiments, he would have given + him the lie direct. Working from heat to heat the article finished in a + glorious outburst with a passionate appeal to the country to starve all + German prisoners. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender put it down in a glow of exultation. “I shall translate + words into action,” he thought; “I shall at once visit a rural + district where German prisoners are working on the land, and see that the + farmers do their duty.” And, forgetting in his excitement to eat his + breakfast, he put the journal in his pocket, wrapped himself in his + dust-coat and broad-brimmed hat, and went out to his car, which was drawn + up, with Blink, who had not forgotten her last experience, inside. + </p> + <p> + “We will go to a rural district, Joe,” he said, getting in. + </p> + <p> + “Very good, sir,” answered Joe; and, unnoticed by the + population, they glided into the hazy heat of the June morning. + </p> + <p> + “Well, what abaht it, sir?” said Joe, after they had proceeded + for some three hours. “Here we are.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who had been lost in the beauty of the scenes through which + he was passing, awoke from reverie, and said: + </p> + <p> + “I am looking for German prisoners, Joe; if you see a farmer, you + might stop.” + </p> + <p> + “Any sort of farmer?” asked Joe. + </p> + <p> + “Is there more than one sort?” returned Mr. Lavender, smiling. + </p> + <p> + Joe cocked his eye. “Ain't you never lived in the country, + sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Not for more than a few weeks at a time, Joe, unless Rochester + counts. Of course, I know Eastbourne very well.” + </p> + <p> + “I know Eastbourne from the inside,” said Joe discursively. + “I was a waiter there once.” + </p> + <p> + “An interesting life, a waiter's, Joe, I should think.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah! Everything comes to 'im who waits, they say. But abaht + farmers—you've got a lot to learn, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “I am always conscious of that, Joe; the ramifications of public + life are innumerable.” + </p> + <p> + “I could give you some rummikins abaht farmers. I once travelled in + breeches.” + </p> + <p> + “You seem to have done a great many things Joe.” + </p> + <p> + “That's right, sir. I've been a sailor, a 'traveller,' + a waiter, a scene-shifter, and a shover, and I don't know which was + the cushiest job. But, talking of farmers: there's the old English + type that wears Bedfords—don't you go near 'im, 'e + bites. There's the modern scientific farmer, but it'll take us + a week to find 'im. And there's the small-'older, wearin' + trahsers, likely as not; I don't think 'e'd be any use + to you. + </p> + <p> + “What am I to do then?” asked Mr Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Joe, “'ave lunch.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed, his hunger quarelling with his sense of duty. “I + should like to have found a farmer first,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, I'll drive up to that clump o'beeches, and + you can have a look round for one while I get lunch ready. + </p> + <p> + “That will do admirably.” + </p> + <p> + “There's just one thing, sir,” said Joe, when his master + was about to start; “don't you take any house you come across + for a farm. They're mostly cottages o' gentility nowadays, in'abited + by lunatics.” + </p> + <p> + “I shall be very careful,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “This glorious land!” he thought, walking away from the beech + clump, with Blink at his heels; “how wonderful to see it being + restored to its former fertility under pressure of the war! The farmer + must be a happy man, indeed, working so nobly for his country, without + thought of his own prosperity. How flowery those beans look already!” + he mused, glancing at a field of potatoes. “Now that I am here I + shall be able to combine my work on German prisoners with an effort to + stimulate food production. Blink!” For Blink was lingering in a + gateway. Moving back to her, Mr. Lavender saw that the sagacious animal + was staring through the gate at a farmer who was standing in a field + perfectly still, with his back turned, about thirty yards away. + </p> + <p> + “Have you——” Mr. Lavender began eagerly; “is + it—are you employing any German prisoners, sir?” + </p> + <p> + The farmer did not seem to hear. “He must,” thought Mr. + Lavender, “be of the old stolid English variety.” + </p> + <p> + The farmer, who was indeed attired in a bowler hat and Bedford cords, + continued to gaze over his land, unconscious of Mr. Lavender's + presence. + </p> + <p> + “I am asking you a question, sir,” resumed the latter in a + louder voice. “And however patriotically absorbed you may be in + cultivating your soil, there is no necessity for rudeness.” + </p> + <p> + The farmer did not move a muscle. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” began Mr. Lavender again, very patiently, “though + I have always heard that the British farmer is of all men least amenable + to influence and new ideas, I have never believed it, and I am persuaded + that if you will but listen I shall be able to alter your whole outlook + about the agricultural future of this country.” For it had suddenly + occurred to him that it might be a long time before he had again such an + opportunity of addressing a rural audience on the growth of food, and he + was loth to throw away the chance. The farmer, however, continued to stand + with his hack to the speaker, paying no more heed to his voice than to the + buzzing of a fly. + </p> + <p> + “You SHALL hear me,” cried Mr. Lavender, unconsciously miming + a voice from the past, and catching, as he thought, the sound of a titter, + he flung his hand out, and exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Grass, gentlemen, grass is the hub of the matter. We have put our + hand to the plough”—and, his imagination taking flight at + those words, he went on in a voice calculated to reach the great assembly + of farmers which he now saw before him with their backs turned—“and + never shall we take it away till we have reduced every acre in the country + to an arable condition. In the future not only must we feed ourselves, but + our dogs, our horses, and our children, and restore the land to its + pristine glory in the front rank of the world's premier industry. + But me no buts,” he went on with a winning smile, remembering that + geniality is essential in addressing a country audience, “and butter + me no butter, for in future we shall require to grow our margarine as + well. Let us, in a word, put behind us all prejudice and pusillanimity + till we see this country of ours once more blooming like one great + cornfield, covered with cows. Sirs, I am no iconoclast; let us do all this + without departing in any way from those great principles of Free Trade, + Industrialism, and Individual Liberty which have made our towns the + largest, most crowded, and wealthiest under that sun which never sets over + the British Empire. We do but need to see this great problem steadily and + to see it whole, and we shall achieve this revolution in our national life + without the sacrifice of a single principle or a single penny. Believe me, + gentlemen, we shall yet eat our cake and have it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender paused for breath, the headlines of his great speech in + tomorrow's paper dancing before his eyes: “THE CLIMACTERIC—EATS + CAKE AND HAS IT—A GREAT CONCLUSION.” The wind, which had risen + somewhat during Mr. Lavender's speech, fluttered the farmer's + garments at this moment, so that they emitted a sound like the stir which + runs through an audience at a moment of strong emotion. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” cried Mr. Lavender, “I see that I move you, + gentlemen. Those have traduced you who call you unimpressionable. After + all, are you not the backbone of this country up which runs the marrow + which feeds the brain; and shall you not respond to an appeal at once so + simple and so fundamental? I assure you, gentlemen, it needs no thought; + indeed, the less you think about it the better, for to do so will but + weaken your purpose and distract your attention. Your duty is to go + forward with stout hearts, firm steps, and kindling eyes; in this way + alone shall we defeat our common enemies. And at those words, which he had + uttered at the top of his voice, Mr. Lavender stood like a clock which has + run down, rubbing his eyes. For Blink, roaming the field during the + speech, and encountering quadruped called rabbit, which she had never seen + before, had backed away from it in dismay, brushed against the farmer's + legs and caused his breeches to fall down, revealing the sticks on which + they had been draped. When Mr. Lavender saw this he called out in a loud + voice Sir, you have deceived me. I took you for a human being. I now + perceive that you are but a selfish automaton, rooted to your own + business, without a particle of patriotic sense. Farewell!” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VIII + </h2> + <h3> + STARVES SOME GERMANS + </h3> + <p> + After parting with the scarecrow Mr. Lavender who felt uncommonly hungry' + was about to despair of finding any German prisoners when he saw before + him a gravel-pit, and three men working therein. Clad in dungaree, and + very dusty, they had a cast of countenance so unmistakably Teutonic that + Mr. Lavender stood still. They paid little or no attention to him, + however, but went on sadly and silently with their work, which was that of + sifting gravel. Mr. Lavender sat down on a milestone opposite, and his + heart contracted within him. “They look very thin and sad,” he + thought, “I should not like to be a prisoner myself far from my + country, in the midst of a hostile population, without a woman or a dog to + throw me a wag of the tail. Poor men! For though it is necessary to hate + the Germans, it seems impossible to forget that we are all human beings. + This is weakness,” he added to himself, “which no editor would + tolerate for a moment. I must fight against it if I am to fulfil my duty + of rousing the population to the task of starving them. How hungry they + look already—their checks are hollow! I must be firm. Perhaps they + have wives and families at home, thinking of them at this moment. But, + after all, they are Huns. What did the great writer say? 'Vermin—creatures + no more worthy of pity than the tiger or the rat.' How true! And yet—Blink!” + For his dog, seated on her haunches, was looking at him with that + peculiarly steady gaze which betokened in her the desire for food. “Yes,” + mused Mr. Lavender, “pity is the mark of the weak man. It is a vice + which was at one time rampant in this country; the war has made one + beneficial change at least—we are moving more and more towards the + manly and unforgiving vigour of the tiger and the rat. To be brutal! This + is the one lesson that the Germans can teach us, for we had almost + forgotten the art. What danger we were in! Thank God, we have past masters + again among us now!” A frown became fixed between his brows. “Yes, + indeed, past masters. How I venerate those good journalists and all the + great crowd of witnesses who have dominated the mortal weakness, pity. + 'The Hun must and shall be destroyed—root and branch—hip + and thigh—bag and baggage man, woman, and babe—this is the + sole duty of the great and humane British people. Roll up, ladies and + gentlemen, roll up! Great thought—great language! And yet——” + </p> + <p> + Here Mr. Lavender broke into a gentle sweat, while the Germans went on + sifting gravel in front of him, and Blink continued to look up into his + face with her fixed, lustrous eyes. “What an awful thing,” he + thought, “to be a man. If only I were just a public man and could, + as they do, leave out the human and individual side of everything, how + simple it would be! It is the being a man as well which is so troublesome. + A man has feelings; it is wrong—wrong! There should be no connection + whatever between public duty and the feelings of a man. One ought to be + able to starve one's enemy without a quiver, to watch him drown + without a wink. In fact, one ought to be a German. We ought all to be + Germans. Blink, we ought all to be Germans, dear! I must steel myself!” + And Mr. Lavender wiped his forehead, for, though a great idea had come to + him, he still lacked the heroic savagery to put it into execution. “It + is my duty,” he thought, “to cause those hungry, sad-looking + men to follow me and watch me eat my lunch. It is my duty. God give me + strength! For unless I make this sacrifice of my gentler nature I shall be + unworthy to call myself a public man, or to be reported in the newspapers. + 'En avant, de Bracy!'” So musing, he rose, and Blink + with him. Crossing the road, he clenched his fists, and said in a voice + which anguish made somewhat shrill: + </p> + <p> + “Are you hungry, my friends?” + </p> + <p> + The Germans stopped sifting gravel, looked up at him, and one of them + nodded. + </p> + <p> + “And thirsty?” + </p> + <p> + This time they all three nodded. + </p> + <p> + “Come on, then,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + And he led the way back along the road, followed by Blink and the three + Germans. Arriving at the beech clump whose great trees were already + throwing shadows, denoting that it was long past noon, Mr. Lavender saw + that Joe had spread food on the smooth ground, and was, indeed, just + finishing his own repast. + </p> + <p> + “What is there to eat?” thought Mr. Lavender, with a soft of + horror. “For I feel as if I were about to devour a meal of human + flesh.” And he looked round at the three Germans slouching up + shamefacedly behind him. + </p> + <p> + “Sit down, please,” he said. The three men sat down. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender to his surprised chauffeur, “serve + my lunch. Give me a large helping, and a glass of ale.” And, paler + than his holland dust-coat, he sat resolutely down on the bole of a beech, + with Blink on her haunches beside him. While Joe was filling a plate with + pigeon-pie and pouring out a glass of foaming Bass, Mr. Lavender stared at + the three Germans and suffered the tortures of the damned. “I will + not flinch,” he thought; “God helping me, I certainly will not + flinch. Nothing shall prevent my going through with it.” And his + eyes, more prominent than a hunted rabbit's, watched the approach of + Joe with the plate and glass. The three men also followed the movements of + the chauffeur, and it seemed to Mr. Lavender that their eyes were + watering. “Courage!” he murmured to himself, transfixing a + succulent morsel with his fork and conveying it to his lips. For fully a + minute he revolved the tasty mouthful, which he could not swallow, while + the three men's eyes watched him with a sort of lugubrious surprise. + “If,” he thought with anguish, “if I were a prisoner in + Germany! Come, come! One effort, it's only the first mouthful!” + and with a superhuman effort, he swallowed. “Look at me!” he + cried to the three Germans, “look at me! I—I—I'm + going to be sick!” and putting down his plate, he rose and staggered + forward. “Joe,” he said in a dying voice, “feed these + poor men, feed them; make them drink; feed them!” And rushing + headlong to the edge of the grove, he returned what he had swallowed—to + the great interest of Brink. Then, waving away the approach of Joe, and + consumed with shame and remorse at his lack of heroism, he ran and hid + himself in a clump of hazel bushes, trying to slink into the earth. + “No,” he thought; “no; I am not for public life. I have + failed at the first test. Was ever so squeamish an exhibition? I have + betrayed my country and the honour of public life. These Germans are now + full of beer and pigeon-pie. What am I but a poltroon, unworthy to lace + the shoes of the great leaders of my land? The sun has witnessed my + disgrace.” + </p> + <p> + How long he stayed there lying on his face he did not know before he heard + the voice of Joe saying, “Wot oh, sir!” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” replied Mr. Lavender faintly, “my body is here, + but my spirit has departed.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Joe, “a rum upset—that there. Swig this + down, sir!” and he held out to his master, a flask-cup filled with + brandy. Mr. Lavender swallowed it. + </p> + <p> + “Have they gone?” he said, gasping. + </p> + <p> + “They 'ave, sir,” replied Joe, “and not 'alf + full neither. Where did you pick 'em up?” + </p> + <p> + “In a gravel-pit,” said Mr. Lavender. “I can never + forgive myself for this betrayal of my King and country. I have fed three + Germans. Leave me, for I am not fit to mingle with my fellows.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I don't think,” said Joe. “Germans?” + </p> + <p> + Gazing up into his face Mr. Lavender read the unmistakable signs of + uncontrolled surprise. + </p> + <p> + “Why do you look at me like that?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Germans?” repeated Joe; “what Germans? Three blighters + workin' on the road, as English as you or me. Wot are you talkin' + about, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “What!” cried Mr. Lavender, “do you tell me they were + not Germans?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, their names was Tompkins, 'Obson, and Brown, and they + 'adn't an 'aitch in their 'eads.” + </p> + <p> + “God be praised!” said Mr. Lavender. “I am, then, still + an English gentleman. Joe, I am very hungry; is there nothing left?” + </p> + <p> + “Nothin' whatever, sir,” replied Joe. + </p> + <p> + “Then take me home,” said Mr. Lavender; “I care not, for + my spirit has come back to me.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he rose, and supported by Joe, made his way towards the car, + praising God in his heart that he had not disgraced his country. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IX + </h2> + <h3> + CONVERSES WITH A CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR + </h3> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Lavender, when they had proceeded some twenty + miles along the road for home, “my hunger is excessive. If we come + across an hotel, Joe, pull up.” + </p> + <p> + “Right-o, sir,” returned Joe. “'Otels, ain't + what they were, but we'll find something. I've got your + coupons.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who was seated beside his chauffeur on the driving-seat, + while Blink occupied in solitude the body of the car, was silent for a + minute, revolving a philosophic thought. + </p> + <p> + “Do you find,” he said suddenly, “that compulsory + sacrifice is doing you good, Joe?” + </p> + <p> + “It's good for my thirst, sir,” replied Joe. “Never + was so powerful thirsty in me life as I've been since they watered + beer. There's just 'enough in it to tickle you. That bottle o' + Bass you would 'ave 'ad at lunch is the last of the old stock + at 'ome, sir; an' the sight of it fair gave me the wind up. To + think those blighters 'ad it! Wish I'd known they was Germans—I + wouldn't 'ave weakened on it.” + </p> + <p> + “Do not, I beg,” said Mr. Lavender, “remind me of that + episode. I sometimes think,” he went on as dreamily as his hunger + would permit, “that being forced to deprive oneself awakens one's + worst passions; that is, of course, speaking rather as a man than a public + man. What do you think will happen, Joe, when we are no longer obliged to + sacrifice ourselves? + </p> + <p> + “Do wot we've been doin all along—sacrifice someone + else,” said Joe lightly. + </p> + <p> + “Be serious, Joe,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” returned Joe, “I don't know what'll + 'appen to you, sir, but I shall go on the bust permanent.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed. “I do so wonder whether I shall, too,” he + said. + </p> + <p> + Joe looked round at him, and a gleam of compassion twinkled in his + greenish eyes. “Don't you worry, sir,” he said; “it's + a question of constitootion. A week'd sew you up.” + </p> + <p> + “A week!” said Mr. Lavender with watering lips, “I trust + I may not forget myself so long as that. Public men do not go 'on + the bust,' Joe, as you put it.” + </p> + <p> + “Be careful, sir! I can't drive with one eye.” + </p> + <p> + “How can they, indeed?” went on Mr. Lavender; “they are + like athletes, ever in training for their unending conflict with the + national life.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” answered Joe indulgently, “they 'as their + own kind of intoxication, too—that's true; and the fumes is + permanent; they're gassed all the time, and chloroformed the rest. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know to what you allude, Joe,” said Mr. + Lavender severely. + </p> + <p> + “'Aven't you never noticed, sir, that there's two + worlds—the world as it is, and the world as it seems to the public + man?” + </p> + <p> + “That may be,” said Mr. Lavender with some excitement. “But + which is the greater, which is the nobler, Joe? And what does the other + matter? Surely that which flourishes in great minds, and by their + utterances is made plain. Is it not better to live in a world where nobody + shrinks from being starved or killed so long as they can die for their + kings and countries, rather than in a world where people merely wish to + live?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Joe, “we're all ready to die for our + countries if we've got to. But we don't look on it, like the + public speakers, as a picnic. They're a bit too light-'earted.” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, covering his ears, and instantly + uncovering them again, “this is the most horrible blasphemy I have + ever listened to.” + </p> + <p> + “I can do better than that, sir,” answered Joe. “Shall I + get on with it?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Lavender, clenching his hands, “a public + man shrinks from nothing—not even from the gibes of his enemies.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, wot abaht it, sir? Look at the things they say, and at what + really is. Mind you, I'm not speakin' particular of the public + men in this country—or any other country; I'm speakin' + of the lot of 'em in every country. They're a sort of secret + society, brought up on gas. And every now and then someone sets a match to + it, and we get it in the neck. Look 'ere, sir. Dahn squats one on + his backside an' writes something in 'igh words. Up pops + another and says something in 'igher; an' so they go on poppin' + up an' squattin' dahn till you get an atmosphere where you can't + breathe; and all the time all we want is to be let alone, and 'uman + kindness do the rest. All these fellers 'ave got two weaknesses—one's + ideas, and the other's their own importance. They've got to be + conspicuous, and without ideas they can't, so it's a vicious + circle. When I see a man bein' conspicuous, I says to meself: + 'Gawd 'elp us, we shall want it!' And sooner or later we + always do. I'll tell you what's the curse of the world, sir; + it's the gift of expressin' what ain't your real + feeling. And—Lord! what a lot of us 'ave got it!” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, whose eyes were almost starting from + his head, “your words are the knell of poetry, philosophy, and prose—especially + of prose. They are the grave of history, which, as you know, is made up of + the wars and intrigues which have originated in the brains of public men. + If your sordid views were true, how do you suppose for one minute that in + this great epic struggle we could be consoled by the thought that we are + 'making history'? Has there been a single utterance of any + note which has not poured the balm of those words into our ears? Think how + they have sustained the widow and the orphan, and the wounded lying out in + agony under the stars. 'To make history,' 'to act out + the great drama'—that thought, ever kept before us, has been + our comfort and their stay. And you would take it from us? Shame—shame!” + repeated Mr. Lavender. “You would destroy all glamour, and be the + death of every principle.” + </p> + <p> + “Give me facts,” said Joe stubbornly, “an' you may + 'ave my principles. As to the other thing, I don't know what + it is, but you may 'ave it, too. And 'ere's another + thing, sir: haven't you never noticed that when a public man blows + off and says something, it does 'im in? No matter what 'appens + afterwards, he's got to stick to it or look a fool.” + </p> + <p> + “I certainly have not,” said Mr. Lavender. “I have + never, or very seldom, noticed that narrowness in public men, nor have I + ever seen them 'looking fools' as you rudely put it.” + </p> + <p> + “Where are your eyes, sir?” answered Joe; “where are + your eyes? I give you my word it's one or the other, though I admit + they've brought camouflage to an 'igh art. But, speaking + soberly, sir, if that's possible, public men are a good thing' + and you can 'ave too much of it. But you began it, sir,” he + added soothingly, “and 'ere's your hotel. You'll + feel better with something inside you.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he brought the car to a standstill before a sign which bore the + words, “Royal Goat.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, deep sunk in the whirlpool of feeling which had been stirred + in him by his chauffeur's cynicism, gazed at the square redbrick + building with bewildered eyes. + </p> + <p> + “It's quite O. K.,” said Joe; “I used to call here + regular when I was travellin' in breeches. Where the commercials are + gathered together the tap is good,” he added, laying a finger + against the side of his nose. “And they've a fine brand of + pickles. Here's your coupon.” + </p> + <p> + Thus encouraged, Mr. Lavender descended from the car, and, accompanied by + Blink, entered the hotel and sought the coffee-room. + </p> + <p> + A maid of robust and comely appearance, with a fine free eye, divested him + of his overcoat and the coupon, and pointed to a table and a pale and + intellectual-looking young man in spectacles who was eating. + </p> + <p> + “Have you any more beef?” said the latter without looking up. + </p> + <p> + “No, sir,” replied the maid. + </p> + <p> + “Then bring me the ham and eggs,” he added. + </p> + <p> + “Here's another coupon—and anything else you've + got.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, whose pangs had leaped in him at the word “beef,” + gazed at the bare bone of the beef-joint, and sighed. + </p> + <p> + “I, too, will have some ham and a couple of poached eggs,” he + said. + </p> + <p> + “You can have ham, sir,” replied the maid, “but there + are only eggs enough for one.” + </p> + <p> + “And I am the one,” said the young man, looking up for the + first time. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender at once conceived an aversion from him; his appearance was + unhealthy, and his eyes ravened from behind the spectacles beneath his + high forehead. + </p> + <p> + “I have no wish to deprive you of your eggs, sir,” he said, + “though I have had nothing to eat all day.” + </p> + <p> + “I have had nothing to eat to speak of for six months,” + replied the young man, “and in a fortnight's time I shall have + nothing to eat again for two years.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who habitually spoke, the truth, looked at him with a sort + of horror. But the young man had again concentrated his attention on his + plate. “How deceptive are appearances,” thought Mr. Lavender; + “one would say an intellectual, not to say a spiritual type, and yet + he eats like a savage, and lies like a trooper!” And the pinchings + of his hunger again attacking him, he said rather acidly: + </p> + <p> + May I ask you, sir, whether you consider it amusing to tell such untruths + to a stranger? + </p> + <p> + The young man, who had finished what was on his plate, paused, and with a + faint smile said: + </p> + <p> + “I spoke figuratively. You, sir, I expect, have never been in + prison.” + </p> + <p> + At the word 'prison' Mr. Lavender's natural kindliness + reasserted itself at once. “Forgive me,” he said gently; + “please eat all the ham. I can easily do with bread and cheese. I am + extremely sorry you have had that misfortune, and would on no account do + anything which might encourage you to incur it again. If it is a question + of money or anything of that sort,” he went on timidly, “please + command me. I abhor prisons; I consider them inhuman; people should only + be confined upon their honours.” + </p> + <p> + The young man's eyes kindled behind his spectacles. + </p> + <p> + “I have been confined,” he said, “not upon my honour, + but because of my honour; to break it in.” + </p> + <p> + “How is that?” cried Mr. Lavender, aghast, “to break it + in?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the young man, cutting a large slice of bread, + “there's no other way of putting it with truth. They want me + to go back on my word to go back on my faith, and I won't. In a + fortnight's time they'll gaol me again, so I MUST eat—excuse + me. I shall want all my strength.” And he filled his mouth too full + to go on speaking. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender stared at him, greatly perturbed. + </p> + <p> + “How unjustly I judged him,” he thought; and seeing that the + maid had placed the end of a ham before him he began carving off what + little there was left on it, and, filling a plate, placed it before the + young man. The latter thanked him, and without looking up ate rapidly on. + Mr. Lavender watched him with beaming eyes. “It's lovely to + see him!” he thought; “poor fellow!” + </p> + <p> + “Where are the eggs?” said the young man suddenly. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender got up and rang the bell. + </p> + <p> + “Please bring those eggs for him,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir,” said the maid. “And what are you going to + have? There's nothing in the house now.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” said Mr. Lavender, startled. “A cup of coffee and + a slice of bread, thank you. I can always eat at any time.” + </p> + <p> + The maid went away muttering to herself, and bringing the eggs, plumped + them down before the young man, who ate them more hastily than words could + tell. + </p> + <p> + “I mean,” he said, “to do all I can in this fort-night + to build up my strength. I shall eat almost continuously. They shall never + break me.” And, reaching out, he took the remainder of the loaf. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender watched it disappear with a certain irritation which he + subdued at once. “How selfish of me,” he thought, “even + to think of eating while this young hero is still hungry.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you, then,” he said, “the victim of some religious + or political plot?” + </p> + <p> + “Both,” replied the young man, leaning back with a sigh of + repletion, and wiping his mouth. “I was released to-day, and, as I + said, I shall be court-martialled again to-day fortnight. It'll be + two years this time. But they can't break me.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender gasped, for at the word “courtmartialled” a + dreadful doubt had assailed him. + </p> + <p> + “Are you,” he stammered—“you are not—you + cannot be a Conscientious Objector?” + </p> + <p> + “I can,” said the young man. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender half rose in horror. + </p> + <p> + “I don't approve,” he ejaculated; “I do not + approve of you.” + </p> + <p> + “Of course not,” said the young man with a little smile at + once proud and sad, “who does? If you did I shouldn't have to + eat like this, nor should I have the consciousness of spiritual loneliness + to sustain me. You look on me as a moral outcast, as a leper. That is my + comfort and my strength. For though I have a genuine abhorrence of war, I + know full well that I could not stick this if it were not for the feeling + that I must not and will not lower myself to the level of mere + opportunists like you, and sink myself in the herd of men in the street.” + </p> + <p> + At hearing himself thus described Mr. Lavender flushed. + </p> + <p> + “I yield to no one,” he said, “in my admiration of + principle. It is because of my principles that I regard you as a——” + </p> + <p> + “Shirker,” put in the young man calmly. “Go on; don't + mince words; we're used to them.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Lavender, kindling, “a shirker. Excuse + me! A renegade from the camp of Liberty, a deserter from the ranks of + Humanity, if you will pardon me.” + </p> + <p> + “Say a Christian, and have done with it,” said the young man. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Lavender, who had risen to his feet, “I + will not go so far as that. You are not a Christian, you are a Pharisee. I + abhor you.” + </p> + <p> + “And I abhor you,” said the young man suddenly. “I am a + Christian Socialist, but I refuse to consider you my brother. And I can + tell you this: Some day when through our struggle the triumph of Christian + Socialism and of Peace is assured, we shall see that you firebrands and + jingoes get no chance to put up your noxious heads and disturb the + brotherhood of the world. We shall stamp you out. We shall do you in. We + who believe in love will take jolly good care that you apostles of hate + get all we've had and more—if you provoke us enough that is.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped, for Mr. Lavender's figure had rigidified on the other + side of the table into the semblance of one who is about to address the + House of Lords. + </p> + <p> + “I can find here,” he cried, “no analogy with religious + persecution. This is a simple matter. The burden of defending his country + falls equally on every citizen. I know not, and I care not, what promises + were made to you, or in what spirit the laws of compulsory service were + passed. You will either serve or go to prison till you do. I am a plain + Englishman, expressing the view of my plain countrymen.” + </p> + <p> + The young man, tilting back in his chair, rapped on the table with the + handle of his dinner-knife. + </p> + <p> + “Hear, hear!” he murmured. + </p> + <p> + “And let me tell you this,” continued Mr. Lavender, “you + have no right to put a mouthful of food between your lips so long as you + are not prepared to die for it. And if the Huns came here tomorrow I would + not lift a finger to save you from the fate you would undoubtedly receive.” + </p> + <p> + During this colloquy their voices had grown so loud that the maid, + entering in dismay, had gone into the bar and informed the company that a + Conscientious Objector had eaten all the food and was “carrying on + outrageous” in the coffee-room. On hearing this report those who + were assembled—being four commercial travellers far gone in liquor—taking + up the weapons which came nearest to hand—to wit, four syphons—formed + themselves two deep and marched into the coffee-room. Aware at once from + Mr. Lavender's white hair and words that he was not the Objector in + question, they advanced upon the young man, who was still seated, and + taking up the four points of the compass, began squirting him unmercifully + with soda-water. Blinded and dripping, the unfortunate young fellow tried + desperately to elude the cordon of his persecutors, only to receive a + fresh stream in his face at each attempt. Seeing him thus tormented, amid + the coarse laughter of these half-drunken “travellers,” Mr. + Lavender suffered a moment of the most poignant struggle between his + principles and his chivalry. Then, almost unconsciously grasping the + ham-bone, he advanced and called out loudly: + </p> + <p> + “Stop! Do not persecute that young man. You are four and he is one. + Drop it, I tell you—Huns that you are!” + </p> + <p> + The commercial fellows, however, laughed; and this infuriating Mr. + Lavender, he dealt one of them a blow with the ham-bone, which, lighting + on the funny point of his elbow, caused him to howl and spin round the + room. One of the others promptly avenged him with a squirt of syphon in + Mr. Lavender's left eye; whereon he incontinently attacked them all, + whirling the ham-bone round his head like a shillelagh. And had it not + been that Blink and the maid seized his coat-tails he would have done them + severe injury. It was at this moment that Joe Petty, attracted by the + hullabaloo, arrived in the doorway, and running up to his master, lifted + him from behind and carried him from the room, still brandishing the + ham-bone and kicking out with his legs. Dumping him into the car, Joe + mounted hastily and drove off. Mr. Lavender sat for two or three minutes + coming to his senses before full realization of what he had done dawned on + him. Then, flinging the ham-bone from him, he sank back among the + cushions, with his chin buried on his chest. “What have I done?” + he thought over and over again. “What have I done? Taken up the bone + for a Conscientious Objector—defended a renegade against great odds! + My God! I am indeed less than a public man!” + </p> + <p> + And in this state of utter dejection, inanition, and collapse, with Blink + asleep on his feet, he was driven back to Hampstead. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + X + </h2> + <h3> + DREAMS A DREAM AND SEES A VISION + </h3> + <p> + Though habitually abstemious, Mr. Lavender was so very hungry that evening + when he sat down to supper that he was unable to leave the lobster which + Mrs. Petty had provided until it was reduced to mere integument. Since his + principles prevented his lightening it with anything but ginger-beer he + went to bed in some discomfort, and, tired out with the emotions of the + day, soon fell into a heavy slumber, which at dawn became troubled by a + dream of an extremely vivid character. He fancied himself, indeed, dressed + in khaki, with a breastplate composed of newspapers containing reports of + speeches which he had been charged to deliver to soldiers at the front. He + was passing in a winged tank along those scenes of desolation of which he + had so often read in his daily papers, and which his swollen fancy now + coloured even more vividly than had those striking phrases of the past, + when presently the tank turned a somersault, and shot him out into a + morass lighted up by countless star-shells whizzing round and above. In + this morass were hundreds and thousands of figures sunk like himself up to + the waist, and waving their arms above their heads. “These,” + thought Mr. Lavender, “must be the soldiers I have come to speak to,” + and he tore a sheet off his breastplate; but before he could speak from + its columns it became thin air in his hand; and he went on tearing off + sheet after sheet, hoping to find a speech which would stay solid long + enough for him to deliver it. At last a little corner stayed substantial + in his hand, and he called out in a loud voice: “Heroes!” + </p> + <p> + But at the word the figures vanished with a wail, sinking into the mud, + which was left covered with bubbles iridescent in the light of the + star-shells. At this moment one of these, bursting over his head, turned + into a large bright moon; and Mr. Lavender saw to his amazement that the + bubbles were really butterflies, perched on the liquid moonlit mud, + fluttering their crimson wings, and peering up at him with tiny human + faces. “Who are you?” he cried; “oh! who are you?” + The butterflies closed their wings; and on each of their little faces came + a look so sad and questioning that Mr. Lavender's tears rolled down + into his breastplate of speeches. A whisper rose from them. “We are + the dead.” And they flew up suddenly in swarms, and beat his face + with their wings. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender woke up sitting in the middle of the floor, with light + shining in on him through a hole in the curtain, and Blink licking off the + tears which were streaming down his face. + </p> + <p> + “Blink,” he said, “I have had a horrible dream.” + And still conscious of that weight on his chest, as of many undelivered + speeches, he was afraid to go back to bed; so, putting on some clothes, he + went carefully downstairs and out of doors into the morning. He walked + with his dog towards the risen sun, alone in the silvery light of + Hampstead, meditating deeply on his dream. “I have evidently,” + he thought, “not yet acquired that felicitous insensibility which is + needful for successful public speaking. This is undoubtedly the secret of + my dream. For the sub-conscious knowledge of my deficiency explains the + weight on my chest and the futile tearing of sheet after sheet, which + vanished as I tore them away. I lack the self-complacency necessary to the + orator in any surroundings, and that golden certainty which has enchanted + me in the outpourings of great men, whether in ink or speech. This is, + however, a matter which I can rectify with practice.” And coming to + a little may-tree in full blossom, he thus addressed it: + </p> + <p> + “Little tree, be my audience, for I see in you, tipped with the + sunlight, a vision of the tranquil and beautiful world, which, according + to every authority, will emerge out of this carnival of blood and iron.” + </p> + <p> + And the little tree lifted up its voice and answered him with the song of + a blackbird. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender's heart, deeply responsive to the voice of Nature, + melted within him. + </p> + <p> + “What are the realms of this earth, the dreams of statesmen, and all + plots and policies,” he said, “compared with the beauty of + this little tree? She—or is it a he?—breathes, in her wild and + simple dress, just to be lovely and loved. He harbours the blackbird, and + shakes fragrance into the morning; and with her blossom catches the rain + and the sun drops of heaven. I see in him the witchery of God; and of her + prettiness would I make a song of redemption.” + </p> + <p> + So saying he knelt down before the little tree, while Blink on her + haunches, very quiet beside him, looked wiser than many dogs. + </p> + <p> + A familiar gurgling sound roused him from his devotions, and turning his + head he saw his young neighbour in the garb of a nurse, standing on the + path behind him. “She has dropped from heaven,” he thought for + all nurses are angels. + </p> + <p> + And, taking off his hat, he said: + </p> + <p> + “You surprised me at a moment of which I am not ashamed; I was + communing with Beauty. And behold! Aurora is with me.” + </p> + <p> + “Say, rather, Borealis,” said the young lady. “I was so + fed-up with hospital that I had to have a scamper before turning in. If + you're going home we might go together?” + </p> + <p> + “It would, indeed, be a joy,” said Mr. Lavender. “The + garb of mercy becomes you.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you think so?” replied the young lady, in whose cheeks a + lovely flush had not deepened. “I call it hideous. Do you always + come out and pray to that tree?” + </p> + <p> + “I am ashamed to say,” returned Mr. Lavender, “that I do + not. But I intend to do so in future, since it has brought me such a + vision.” + </p> + <p> + And he looked with such deferential and shining eyes at his companion that + she placed the back of her hand before her mouth, and her breast rose. + </p> + <p> + “I'm most fearfully sleepy,” she said. “Have you + had any adventures lately—you and Samjoe? + </p> + <p> + “Samjoe?” repeated Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Your chauffeur—I call him that. He's very like Sam + Weller and Sancho Panza, don't you think, Don Pickwixote? + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Mr. Lavender, bewildered; “Joe, you mean. A + good fellow. He has in him the sort of heroism which I admire more than + any other.” + </p> + <p> + “Which is that?” asked the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “That imperturbable humour in the face of adverse circumstances for + which our soldiers are renowned.” + </p> + <p> + “You are a great believer in heroics, Don Pickwixote,” said + the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “What would life be without them?” returned Mr. Lavender. + “The war could not go on for a minute.” + </p> + <p> + “You're right there,” said the young lady bitterly. + </p> + <p> + “You surely,” said Mr. Lavender, aghast, “cannot wish it + to stop until we have destroyed our common enemies?” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said the young lady, “I'm not a Pacifist; + but when you see as many people without arms and legs as I do, heroics get + a bit off, don't you know.” And she increased her pace until + Mr. Lavender, who was not within four inches of her stature, was almost + compelled to trot. “If I were a Tommy,” she added, “I + should want to shoot every man who uttered a phrase. Really, at this time + of day, they are the limit.” + </p> + <p> + “Aurora,” said Mr. Lavender, “if you will permit me, who + am old enough—alas!—to be your father, to call you that, you + must surely be aware that phrases are the very munitions of war, and + certainly not less important than mere material explosives. Take the word + 'Liberty,' for instance; would you deprive us of it?” + </p> + <p> + The young lady fixed on him those large grey eyes which had in them the + roll of genius. “Dear Don Pickwixote,” she said, “I + would merely take it from the mouths of those who don't know what it + means; and how much do you think would be left? Not enough to butter the + parsnips of a Borough Council, or fill one leader in a month of Sundays. + Have you not discovered, Don Pickwixote, that Liberty means the special + form of tyranny which one happens to serve under; and that our form of + tyranny is GAS.” + </p> + <p> + “High heaven!” cried Mr. Lavender, “that I should hear + such words from so red lips!” + </p> + <p> + “I've not been a Pacifist, so far,” continued the young + lady, stifling a yawn, “because I hate cruelty, I hate it enough to + want to be cruel to it. I want the Huns to lap their own sauce. I don't + want to be revengeful, but I just can't help it.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear young lady,” said Mr. Lavender soothingly, “you + are not—you cannot be revengeful; for every great writer and speaker + tells us that revengefulness is an emotion alien to the Allies, who are + merely just. + </p> + <p> + “Rats!” + </p> + <p> + At this familiar word, Blink who had been following their conversation + quietly, threw up her nose and licked the young lady's hand so + unexpectedly that she started and added: + </p> + <p> + “Darling!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who took the expression as meant for himself, coloured + furiously. + </p> + <p> + “Aurora,” he said in a faint voice, “the rapture in my + heart prevents my taking advantage of your sweet words. Forgive me, and + let us go quietly in, with the vision I have seen, for I know my place.” + </p> + <p> + The young lady's composure seemed to tremble in the balance, and her + lips twitched; then holding out her hand she took Mr. Lavender's and + gave it a good squeeze. + </p> + <p> + “You really are a dear,” she said. “I think you ought to + be in bed. My name's Isabel, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Not to me,” said Mr. Lavender. “You are the Dawn; + nothing shall persuade me to the contrary. And from henceforth I swear to + rise with you every morning.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no!” cried the young lady, “please don't + imagine that I sniff the matutinal as a rule. I just happened to be in a + night shift.” + </p> + <p> + “No matter,” said Mr. Lavender; “I shall see you with + the eye of faith, in your night shifts, and draw from the vision strength + to continue my public work beckoned by the fingers of the roseate future.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” murmured the young lady, “so long for now; and + do go back to bed. It's only about five.” And waving the tips + of those fingers, she ran lightly up the garden-path and disappeared into + her house. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender remained for a moment as if transfigured; then entering his + garden, he stood gazing up at her window, until the thought that she might + appear there was too much for him, and he went in. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XI + </h2> + <h3> + BREAKS UP A PEACE MEETING + </h3> + <p> + While seated at breakfast on the morning after he had seen this vision, + Mr. Lavender, who read his papers as though they had been Holy Writ, came + on an announcement that a meeting would be held that evening at a chapel + in Holloway under the auspices of the “Free Speakers' League,” + an association which his journals had often branded with a reputation, for + desiring Peace. On reading the names of the speakers Mr. Lavender felt at + once that it would be his duty to attend. “There will,” he + thought, “very likely be no one there to register a protest. For in + this country we have pushed the doctrine of free speech to a limit which + threatens the noble virtue of patriotism. This is no doubt a recrudescence + of that terrible horse-sense in the British people which used to permit + everybody to have his say, no matter what he said. Yet I would rather stay + at home,” he mused “for they will do me violence, I expect; + cowardice, however, would not become me, and I must go.” + </p> + <p> + He was in a state of flurry all day, thinking of his unpleasant duty + towards those violent persons, and garbishing up his memory by reading + such past leaders in his five journals as bore on the subject. He spoke no + word of his intentions, convinced that he ran a considerable risk at the + hands of the Pacifists, but too sensible of his honour to assist anyone to + put that spoke in his wheel which he could not help longing for. + </p> + <p> + At six o'clock he locked Blink into his study, and arming himself + with three leaders, set forth on his perilous adventure. Seven o'clock + saw him hurrying along the dismal road to the chapel, at whose door he met + with an unexpected check. + </p> + <p> + “Where is your ticket?” said a large man. + </p> + <p> + “I have none,” replied Mr. Lavender, disconcerted; “for + this is a meeting of the Free Speakers' League, and it is for that + reason that I have come.” + </p> + <p> + The large man looked at him attentively. “No admittance without + ticket,” he said. + </p> + <p> + “I protest,” said Mr. Lavender. “How can you call + yourselves by that name and not let me in?” + </p> + <p> + The large man smiled. + </p> + <p> + “Well, he said, you haven't the strength of—of a rabbit—in + you go!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender found himself inside and some indignation. + </p> + <p> + The meeting had begun, and a tall man at the pulpit end, with the face of + a sorrowful bull, was addressing an audience composed almost entirely of + women and old men, while his confederates sat behind him trying to look as + if they were not present. At the end of a row, about half-way up the + chapel, Mr. Lavender composed himself to listen, thinking, “However + eager I may be to fulfil my duty and break up this meeting, it behoves me + as a fair-minded man to ascertain first what manner of meeting it is that + I am breaking up.” But as the speaker progressed, in periods + punctuated by applause from what, by his experience at the door, Mr. + Lavender knew to be a packed audience, he grew more and more uneasy. It + cannot be said that he took in what the speaker was saying, obsessed as he + was by the necessity of formulating a reply, and of revolving, to the + exclusion of all else, the flowers and phrases of the leaders which during + the day he had almost learned by heart. But by nature polite he waited + till the orator was sitting down before he rose, and, with the three + leaders firmly grasped in his hand, walked deliberately up to the seated + speakers. Turning his back on them, he said, in a voice to which + nervousness and emotion lent shrillness: + </p> + <p> + “Ladies and gentlemen, it is now your turn, in accordance with the + tradition of your society, to listen to me. Let us not mince matters with + mealy mouths. There are in our midst certain viperous persons, like that + notorious gentleman who had the sulphurous impudence to have a French + father—French! gentlemen; not German, ladies-mark the cunning and + audacity of the fellow; like that renegade Labour leader, who has never + led anything, yet, if he had his will, would lead us all into the pit of + destruction; like those other high-brow emasculates who mistake their + pettifogging pedantry for pearls of price, and plaster the plain issue + before us with perfidious and Pacifistic platitudes. We say at once, and + let them note it, we will have none of them; we will have——” + Here his words were drowned by an interruption greater even than that; + which was fast gathering among the row of speakers behind him, and the + surprised audience in front; and he could see the large man being forced + from the door and up the aisle by a posse of noisy youths, till he stood + with arms pinioned, struggling to turn round, just in front of Mr. + Lavender. Seeing his speech thus endangered, the latter cried out at the + top of his voice: “Free speech, gentlemen, free speech; I have come + here expressly to see that we have nothing of the sort.” At this the + young men, who now filled the aisle, raised a mighty booing. + </p> + <p> + “Gentlemen,” shouted Mr. Lavender, waving his leaders, “gentlemen—-” + But at this moment the large man was hurled into contact with what served + Mr. Lavender for stomach, and the two fell in confusion. An uproar ensued + of which Mr. Lavender was more than vaguely conscious, for many feet went + over him. He managed, however, to creep into a corner, and, getting up, + surveyed the scene. The young men who had invaded the meeting, much + superior in numbers and strength to the speakers, to the large man, and + the three or four other able-bodied persons who had rallied to them from + among the audience, were taking every advantage of their superiority; and + it went to Mr. Lavender's heart to see how they thumped and + maltreated their opponents. The sight of their brutality, indeed, rendered + him so furious that, forgetting all his principles and his purpose in + coming to the meeting, he climbed on to a form, and folding his arms + tightly on his breast, called out at the top of his voice: + </p> + <p> + “Cads! Do not thus take advantage of your numbers. Cads!” + Having thus defended what in his calmer moments he would have known to be + the wrong, he awaited his own fate calmly. But in the hubbub his words had + passed unnoticed. “It is in moments like these,” he thought, + “that the great speaker asserts his supremacy, quells the storm, and + secures himself a hearing.” And he began to rack his brains to + remember how they did it. “It must require the voice of an ox,” + he thought, “and the skin of an alligator. Alas! How deficient I am + in public qualities!” But his self-depreciation was here cut off + with the electric light. At this sheer intervention of Providence Mr. + Lavender, listening to the disentangling sounds which rose in the black + room, became aware that he had a chance such as he had not yet had of + being heard. + </p> + <p> + “Stay, my friends!” he said; “here in darkness we can + see better the true proportions of this great question of free speech. + There are some who contend that in a democracy every opinion should be + heard; that, just because the good sense of the majority will ever lead + the country into the right paths, the minority should be accorded full and + fair expression, for they cannot deflect the country's course, and + because such expression acts as a healthful safety-valve. Moreover, they + say there is no way of preventing the minority from speaking save that of + force, which is unworthy of a majority, and the negation of what we are + fighting for in this war. But I say, following the great leader-writers, + that in a time of national danger nobody ought to say anything except what + is in accord with the opinions of the majority; for only in this way can + we present a front which will seem to be united to our common enemies. I + say, and since I am the majority I must be in the right, that no one who + disagrees with me must say anything if we are to save the cause of freedom + and humanity. I deprecate violence, but I am thoroughly determined to + stand no nonsense, and shall not hesitate to suppress by every means in + the power of the majority—including, if need be, Prussian measures—any + whisper from those misguided and unpatriotic persons whose so-called + principles induce them to assert their right to have opinions of their + own. This has ever been a free country, and they shall not imperil its + freedom by their volubility and self-conceit.” Here Mr. Lavender + paused for breath, and in the darkness a faint noise, as of a mouse + scrattling at a wainscot, attracted his attention. “Wonderful,” + he thought, elated by the silence, “that I should so have succeeded + in riveting their attention as to be able to hear a mouse gnawing. I must + have made a considerable impression.” And, fearing to spoil it by + further speech, he set to work to grope his way round the chapel wall in + the hope of coming to the door. He had gone but a little way when his + outstretched hand came into contact with something warm, which shrank away + with a squeal. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” cried Mr. Lavender, while a shiver went down his spine, + “what is that?” + </p> + <p> + “Me,” said a stifled voice. “Who are you?” + </p> + <p> + “A public speaker, madam,” answered Mr. Lavender, unutterably + relieved. Don't be alarmed. + </p> + <p> + “Ouch!” whispered the voice. That madman! + </p> + <p> + “I assure you, madam,” replied Mr. Lavender, striving to + regain contact, “I wouldn't harm you for the world. Can you + tell me in what portion of the hall we are?” And crouching down he + stretched out his arms and felt about him. No answer came; but he could + tell that he was between two rows of chairs, and, holding to the top of + one, he began to sidle along, crouching, so as not to lose touch with the + chairs behind him. He had not proceeded the length of six chairs in the + pitchy darkness when the light was suddenly turned up, and he found + himself glaring over the backs of the chairs in front into the eyes of a + young woman, who was crouching and glaring back over the same chairs. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me,” said Mr. Lavender, as with a certain dignity they + both rose to their full height, “I had no conception——” + </p> + <p> + Without a word, the young woman put her hand up to her back hair, sidled + swiftly down the row of chairs, ran down the aisle, and vanished. There + was no one else in the chapel. Mr. Lavender, after surveying the + considerable wreckage, made his way to the door and passed out into the + night. “Like a dream,” he thought; “but I have done my + duty, for no meeting was ever more completely broken up. With a clear + conscience and a good appetite I can how go home.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XII + </h2> + <h3> + SPEEDS UP TRANSPORT, AND SEES A DOCTOR + </h3> + <p> + Greatly cheered by his success at the Peace meeting, Mr. Lavender searched + his papers next morning to find a new field for his activities; nor had he + to read far before he came on this paragraph: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Everything is dependent on transport, and we cannot sufficiently + urge that this should be speeded up by + every means in our power.” + </pre> + <p> + “How true!” he thought. And, finishing his breakfast hastily, + he went out with Blink to think over what he could do to help. “I + can exhort,” he mused, “anyone engaged in transport who is not + exerting himself to the utmost. It will not be pleasant to do so, for it + will certainly provoke much ill-feeling. I must not, however, be deterred + by that, for it is the daily concomitant of public life, and hard words + break no bones, as they say, but rather serve to thicken the skins and + sharpen the tongues of us public men, so that, we are able to meet our + opponents with their own weapons. I perceive before me, indeed, a liberal + education in just those public qualities wherein I am conscious of being + as yet deficient.” And his heart sank within him, thinking of the + carts on the hills of Hampstead and the boys who drove them. “What + is lacking to them,” he mused, “is the power of seeing this + problem steadily and seeing it whole. Let me endeavour to impart this + habit to all who have any connection with transport.” + </p> + <p> + He had just completed this reflection when, turning a corner, he came on a + large van standing stockstill at the top of an incline. The driver was + leaning idly against the hind wheel filling a pipe. Mr. Lavender glanced + at the near horse, and seeing that he was not distressed, he thus + addressed the man: + </p> + <p> + “Do you not know, my friend, that every minute is of importance in + this national crisis? If I could get you to see the question of transport + steadily, and to see it whole, I feel convinced that you would not be + standing there lighting your pipe when perhaps this half-hour's + delay in the delivery of your goods may mean the death of one of your + comrades at the front.” + </p> + <p> + The man, who was wizened, weathered, and old, with but few teeth, looked + up at him from above the curved hands with which he was coaxing the flame + of a match into the bowl of his pipe. His brow was wrinkled, and moisture + stood at the comers of his eyes. + </p> + <p> + “I assure you,” went on Mr. Lavender, “that we have none + of us the right in these days to delay for a single minute the delivery of + anything—not even of speeches. When I am tempted to do so, I think + of our sons and brothers in the trenches, and how every shell and every + word saves their lives, and I deliver——” + </p> + <p> + The old man, who had finished lighting his pipe, took a long pull at it, + and said hoarsely: + </p> + <p> + “Go on!” + </p> + <p> + “I will,” said Mr. Lavender, “for I perceive that I can + effect a revolution in your outlook, so that instead of wasting the + country's time by leaning against that wheel you will drive on + zealously and help to win the war.” + </p> + <p> + The old man looked at him, and one side of his face became drawn up in a + smile, which seemed to Mr. Lavender so horrible that he said: “Why + do you look at me like that?” + </p> + <p> + “Cawn't 'elp it,” said the man. + </p> + <p> + “What makes you,” continued Mr. Lavender, “pause here + with your job half finished? It is not the hill which keeps you back, for + you are at the top, and your horses seem rested.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the old man, with another contortion of his face, + “they're rested—leastways, one of 'em.” + </p> + <p> + “Then what delays you—if not that British sluggishness which + we in public life find such a terrible handicap to our efforts in + conducting the war?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the old man. “But out of one you don't + make two, guv'nor. Git on the offside and you'll see it a bit + steadier and a bit 'oler than you 'ave 'itherto.” + </p> + <p> + Struck by his words, which were accompanied by a painful puckering of the + checks, Mr. Lavender moved round the van looking for some defect in its + machinery, and suddenly became aware that the off horse was lying on the + ground, with the traces cut. It lay on its side, and did not move. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” cried Mr. Lavender; “oh!” And going up to + the horse's head he knelt down. The animal's eye was glazing. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” he cried again, “poor horse! Don't die!” + And tears dropped out of his eyes on to the horse's cheek. The eye + seemed to give him a look, and became quite glazed. + </p> + <p> + “Dead!” said Mr Lavender in an awed whisper. “This is + horrible! What a thin horse—nothing but bones!” And his gaze + haunted the ridge and furrow of the horse's carcase, while the + living horse looked round and down at its dead fellow, from whose hollow + face a ragged forelock drooped in the dust. + </p> + <p> + “I must go and apologize to that old man,” said Mr. Lavender + aloud, “for no doubt he is even more distressed than I am.” + </p> + <p> + “Not 'e, guv'nor,” said a voice, and looking + beside him he saw the aged driver standing beside him; “not 'e; + for of all the crool jobs I ever 'ad—drivin' that + 'orse these last three months 'as been the croolest. There + 'e lies and 'es aht of it; and that's where they'd + all like to be. Speed, done 'im in, savin' 'is country's + 'time an' 'is country's oats; that done 'im + in. A good old 'orse, a willin' old 'orse, 'as + broke 'is 'eart tryin' to do 'is bit on 'alf + rations. There 'e lies; and I'm glad 'e does.” And + with the back of his hand the old fellow removed some brown moisture which + was trembling on his jaw. Mr. Lavender rose from his knees. + </p> + <p> + “Dreadful!—monstrous!” he cried; “poor horse! Who + is responsible for this?” + </p> + <p> + “Why,” said the old driver, “the gents as sees it steady + and sees it 'ole from one side o' the van, same as you.” + </p> + <p> + So smitten to the heart was Mr. Lavender by those words that he covered + his ears with his hands and almost ran from the scene, nor did he stop + till he had reached the shelter of his study, and was sitting in his + arm-chair with Blink upon his feet. “I will buy a go-cart,” he + thought, “Blink and I will pull our weight and save the poor horses. + We can at least deliver our own milk and vegetables.” + </p> + <p> + He had not been sitting there for half-an-hour revolving the painful + complexities of national life before the voice of Mrs. Petty recalled him + from that sad reverie. + </p> + <p> + “Dr. Gobang to see you, sir.” + </p> + <p> + At sight of the doctor who had attended him for alcoholic poisoning Mr. + Lavender experienced one or those vaguely disagreeable sensations which + follow on half-realized insults. + </p> + <p> + “Good-morning, sir,” said the doctor; “thought I'd + just look in and make my mind easy about you. That was a nasty attack. Do + you still feel your back?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Lavender rather coldly, while Blink growled. + </p> + <p> + “Nor your head?” + </p> + <p> + “I have never felt my head,” replied Mr. Lavender, still more + coldly. + </p> + <p> + “I seem to remember——” began the doctor. + </p> + <p> + “Doctor,” said Mr. Lavender with dignity, “surely you + know that public men—do not feel—their heads—it would + not do. They sometimes suffer from their throats, but otherwise they have + perfect health, fortunately.” + </p> + <p> + The doctor smiled. + </p> + <p> + “Well, what do you think of the war?” he asked chattily. + </p> + <p> + “Be quiet, Blink,” said Mr. Lavender. Then, in a far-away + voice, he added: “Whatever the clouds which have gathered above our + heads for the moment, and whatever the blows which Fate may have in store + for us, we shall not relax our efforts till we have attained our aims and + hurled our enemies back. Nor shall we stop there,” he went on, + warming at his own words. “It is but a weak-kneed patriotism which + would be content with securing the objects for which we began to fight. We + shall not hesitate to sacrifice the last of our men, the last of our + money, in the sacred task of achieving the complete ruin of the fiendish + Power which has brought this great calamity on the world. Even if our + enemies surrender we will fight on till we have dictated terms on the + doorsteps of Potsdam.” + </p> + <p> + The doctor, who, since Mr. Lavender began to speak, had been looking at + him with strange intensity, dropped his eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Quite so,” he said heartily, “quite so. Well, + good-morning. I only just ran in!” And leaving Mr. Lavender to the + exultation he was evidently feeling, this singular visitor went out and + closed the door. Outside the garden-gate he rejoined the nephew Sinkin. + </p> + <p> + “Well?” asked the latter. + </p> + <p> + “Sane as you or me,” said the doctor. “A little pedantic + in his way of expressing himself, but quite all there, really.” + </p> + <p> + “Did his dog bite you?” muttered the nephew. “No,” + said the doctor absently. “I wish to heaven everyone held his views. + So long. I must be getting on.” And they parted. + </p> + <p> + But Mr. Lavender, after pacing the room six times, had sat down again in + his chair, with a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach, such as other + men feel on mornings after a debauch. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIII + </h2> + <h3> + ADDRESSES SOME SOLDIERS ON THEIR FUTURE + </h3> + <p> + On pleasant afternoons Mr. Lavender would often take his seat on one of + the benches which adorned the Spaniard's Road to enjoy the beams of + the sun and the towers of the City confused in smoky distance. And + strolling forth with Blink on the afternoon of the day on which the doctor + had come to see him he sat down to read a periodical, which enjoined on + everyone the necessity of taking the utmost interest in soldiers disabled + by the war. “Yes,” he thought, “it is indeed our duty to + force them, no matter what their disablements, to continue and surpass the + heroism they displayed out there, and become superior to what they once + were.” And it seemed to him a distinct dispensation of Providence + when the rest of his bench was suddenly occupied by three soldiers in the + blue garments and red ties of hospital life. They had been sitting there + for some minutes, divided by the iron bars necessary to the morals of the + neighbourhood, while Mr. Lavender cudgelled his brains for an easy and + natural method of approach, before Blink supplied the necessary avenue by + taking her stand before a soldier and looking up into his eye. + </p> + <p> + “Lord!” said the one thus accosted, “what a fyce! Look + at her moustache! Well, cocky, 'oo are you starin' at?” + </p> + <p> + “My dog,” said Mr. Lavender, perceiving his chance, “has + an eye for the strange and beautiful. + </p> + <p> + “Wow said the soldier, whose face was bandaged, she'll get it + 'ere, won't she?” + </p> + <p> + Encouraged by the smiles of the soldier and his comrades, Mr. Lavender + went on in the most natural voice he could assume. + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure you appreciate, my friends, the enormous importance + of your own futures?” + </p> + <p> + The three soldiers, whose faces were all bandaged, looked as surprised as + they could between them, and did not answer. Mr. Lavender went on, + dropping unconsciously into the diction of the article he had been + reading: “We are now at the turning-point of the ways, and not a + moment is to be lost in impressing on the disabled man the paramount + necessity of becoming again the captain of his soul. He who was a hero in + the field must again lead us in those qualities of enterprise and + endurance which have made him the admiration of the world.” + </p> + <p> + The three soldiers had turned what was visible of their faces towards Mr. + Lavender, and, seeing that he had riveted their attention, he proceeded: + “The apathy which hospital produces, together with the present + scarcity of labour, is largely responsible for the dangerous position in + which the disabled man now finds himself. Only we who have not to face his + future can appreciate what that future is likely to be if he does not make + the most strenuous efforts to overcome it. Boys,” he added + earnestly, remembering suddenly that this was the word which those who had + the personal touch ever employed, “are you making those efforts? Are + you equipping your minds? Are you taking advantage of your enforced + leisure to place yourselves upon some path of life in which you can + largely hold your own against all comers?” + </p> + <p> + He paused for a reply. + </p> + <p> + The soldiers, silent for a moment, in what seemed to Mr. Lavender to be + sheer astonishment, began to fidget; then the one next him turned to his + neighbour, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Are we, Alf? Are we doin' what the gentleman says?” + </p> + <p> + “I can answer that for you,” returned Mr. Lavender brightly; + “for I can tell by your hospitalized faces that you are living in + the present; a habit which, according to our best writers, is peculiar to + the British. I assure you,” he went on with a winning look, “there + is no future in that. If you do not at once begin to carve fresh niches + for yourselves in the temple of industrialism you will be engulfed by the + returning flood, and left high and dry upon the beach of fortune.” + </p> + <p> + During these last few words the half of an irritated look on the faces of + the soldiers changed to fragments of an indulgent and protective + expression. + </p> + <p> + “Right you are, guv'nor,” said the one in the middle. + Don't you worry, we'll see you home all right. + </p> + <p> + “It is you,” said Mr. Lavender, “that I must see home. + For that is largely the duty of us who have not had the great privilege of + fighting for our country.” + </p> + <p> + These words, which completed the soldiers' conviction that Mr. + Lavender was not quite all there, caused them to rise. + </p> + <p> + “Come on, then,” said one; “we'll see each other + home. We've got to be in by five. You don't have a string to + your dog, I see.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh no!” said Mr. Lavender puzzled “I am not blind.” + </p> + <p> + “Balmy,” said the soldier soothingly. “Come on, sir, an' + we can talk abaht it on the way.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, delighted at the impression he had made, rose and walked + beside them, taking insensibly the direction for home. + </p> + <p> + “What do you advise us to do, then, guv'nor?” said one + of the soldiers. + </p> + <p> + “Throw away all thought of the present,” returned Mr. + Lavender, with intense earnestness; “forget the past entirely, wrap + yourselves wholly in the future. Do nothing which will give you immediate + satisfaction. Do not consider your families, or any of those transient + considerations such as pleasure, your homes, your condition of health, or + your economic position; but place yourselves unreservedly in the hands of + those who by hard thinking on this subject are alone in the condition to + appreciate the individual circumstances of each of you. For only by + becoming a flock of sheep can you be conducted into those new pastures + where the grass of your future will be sweet and plentiful. Above all, + continue to be the heroes which you were under the spur of your country's + call, for you must remember that your country is still calling you.” + </p> + <p> + “That's right,” said the soldier on Mr. Lavender's + left. “Puss, puss! Does your dog swot cats?” + </p> + <p> + At so irrelevant a remark Mr. Lavender looked suspiciously from left to + right, but what there was of the soldiers' faces told him nothing. + </p> + <p> + “Which is your hospital?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Down the 'ill, on the right,” returned the soldier. + “Which is yours?” + </p> + <p> + “Alas! it is not in a hospital that I——” + </p> + <p> + “I know,” said the soldier delicately, “don't give + it a name; no need. We're all friends 'ere. Do you get out + much?” + </p> + <p> + “I always take an afternoon stroll,” said Mr. Lavender, + “when my public life permits. If you think your comrades would like + me to come and lecture to them on their future I should be only too happy.” + </p> + <p> + “D'you 'ear, Alf?” said the soldier. “D'you + think they would?” + </p> + <p> + The soldier, addressed put a finger to the sound side of his mouth and + uttered a catcall. + </p> + <p> + “I might effect a radical change in their views,” continued + Mr. Lavender, a little puzzled. “Let me leave you this periodical. + Read it, and you will see how extremely vital all that I have been saying + is. And then, perhaps, if you would send me a round robin, such as is + usual in a democratic country, I could pop over almost any day after five. + I sometimes feel”—and here Mr. Lavender stopped in the middle + of the road, overcome by sudden emotion—“that I have really no + right to be alive when I see what you have suffered for me.” + </p> + <p> + “That's all right, old bean,”, said the soldier on his + left; “you'd 'a done the same for us but for your + disabilities. We don't grudge it you.” + </p> + <p> + “Boys,” said Mr. Lavender, “you are men. I cannot tell + you how much I admire and love you.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, give it a rest, then; t'ain't good for yer. And, + look 'ere! Any time they don't treat you fair in there, tip us + the wink, and we'll come over and do in your 'ousekeeper.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender smiled. + </p> + <p> + “My poor housekeeper!” he said. “I thank you all the + same for your charming goodwill. This is where I live,” he added, + stopping at the gate of the little house smothered in lilac and laburnum. + “Can I offer you some tea?” + </p> + <p> + The three soldiers looked at each other, and Mr. Lavender, noticing their + surprise, attributed it to the word tea. + </p> + <p> + “I regret exceedingly that I am a total abstainer,” he said. + </p> + <p> + The remark, completing the soldiers' judgment of his case, increased + their surprise at the nature of his residence; it remained unanswered, + save by a shuffling of the feet. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender took off his hat. + </p> + <p> + “I consider it a great privilege,” he said, “to have + been allowed to converse with you. Goodbye, and God bless you!” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he opened the gate and entered his little garden carrying his + hat in his hand, and followed by Blink. + </p> + <p> + The soldiers watched him disappear within, then continued on their way + down the hill in silence. + </p> + <p> + “Blimy,” said one suddenly, “some of these old civilians + 'ave come it balmy on the crumpet since the war began. Give me the + trenches!” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIV + </h2> + <h3> + ENDEAVOURS TO INTERN A GERMAN + </h3> + <p> + Aglow with satisfaction at what he had been able to do for the wounded + soldiers, Mr. Lavender sat down in his study to drink the tea which he + found there. “There is nothing in life,” he thought, “which + gives one such satisfaction as friendliness and being able to do something + for others. Moon-cat!” + </p> + <p> + The moon-cat, who, since Mr. Lavender had given her milk, abode in his + castle, awaiting her confinement, purred loudly, regarding him with + burning eyes, as was her fashion when she wanted milk, Mr. Lavender put + down the saucer and continued his meditations. “Everything is vain; + the world is full of ghosts and shadows; but in friendliness and the + purring of a little cat there is solidity.” + </p> + <p> + “A lady has called, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Looking up, Mr. Lavender became aware of Mrs. Petty. + </p> + <p> + “How very agreeable! + </p> + <p> + “I don't know, sir,” returned his housekeeper in her + decisive voice; “but she wants to see you. Name of Pullbody.” + </p> + <p> + “Pullbody,” repeated Mr. Lavender dreamily; “I don't + seem——Ask her in, Mrs. Petty, ask her in.” + </p> + <p> + “It's on your head, sir,” said Mrs. Petty, and went out. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender was immediately conscious of a presence in dark green silk, + with a long upper lip, a loose lower lip, and a fixed and faintly raddled + air, moving stealthily towards him. + </p> + <p> + “Sit down, madam, I beg. Will you have some tea?” + </p> + <p> + The lady sat down. “Thank you, I have had tea. It was on the + recommendation of your next-door neighbour, Miss Isabel Scarlet——” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed,” replied Mr. Lavender, whose heart began to beat; + “command me, for I am entirely at her service.” + </p> + <p> + “I have come to see you,” began the lady with a peculiar + sinuous smile, “as a public man and a patriot.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender bowed, and the lady went on: “I am in very great + trouble. The fact is, my sister's husband's sister is married + to a German.” + </p> + <p> + “Is it possible, madam?” murmured Mr. Lavender, crossing his + knees, and joining the tips of his fingers. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” resumed the lady, “and what's more, he is + still at large.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, into whose mind there had instantly rushed a flood of public + utterances, stood gazing at her haggard face in silent sympathy. + </p> + <p> + “You may imagine my distress, sir, and the condition of my + conscience,” pursued the lady, “when I tell you that my sister's + husband's sister is a very old friend of mine—and, indeed, so + was this German. The two are a very attached young couple, and, being + childless, are quite wrapped up in each other. I have come to you, feeling + it my duty to secure his internment.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, moved by the human element in her words, was about to say, + “But why, madam?” when the lady continued: + </p> + <p> + “I have not myself precisely heard him speak well of his country. + But the sister of a friend of mine who was having tea in their house + distinctly heard him say that there were two sides to every question, and + that he could not believe all that was said in the English papers. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me!” said Mr. Lavender, troubled; “that is + serious.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” went on the lady; “and on another occasion my + sister's husband himself heard him remark that a man could not help + loving his country and hoping that it would win.” + </p> + <p> + “But that is natural,” began Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “What!” said the lady, nearly rising, “when that country + is Germany?” + </p> + <p> + The word revived Mr. Lavender's sense of proportion. + </p> + <p> + “True,” he said, “true. I was forgetting for the moment. + It is extraordinary how irresponsible one's thoughts are sometimes. + Have you reason to suppose that he is dangerous?” + </p> + <p> + “I should have thought that what I have said might have convinced + you,” replied the lady reproachfully; “but I don't wish + you to act without satisfying yourself. It is not as if you knew him, of + course. I have easily been able to get up an agitation among his friends, + but I should not expect an outsider—so I thought if I gave you his + address you could form your own opinion.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” murmured Mr. Lavender, “yes. It is in the last + degree undesirable that any man of German origin should remain free to + work possible harm to our country. There is no question in this of hatred + or of mere rabid patriotism,” he went on, in a voice growing more + and more far-away; “it is largely the A. B. C. of common prudence.” + </p> + <p> + “I ought to say,” interrupted his visitor, “that we all + thought him, of course, an honourable man until this war, or we should not + have been his friends. He is a dentist,” she added, “and, I + suppose, may be said to be doing useful work, which makes it difficult. I + suggest that you go to him to have a tooth out.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender quivered, and insensibly felt his teeth. + </p> + <p> + “Thank you,” he said, “I will see if I can find one. It + is certainly a matter which cannot be left to chance. We public men, + madam, often have to do very hard and even inhumane things for no apparent + reason. Our consciences alone support us. An impression, I am told, + sometimes gets abroad that we yield to clamour. Those alone who know us + realize how unfounded that aspersion is.” + </p> + <p> + “This is his address,” said the lady, rising, and handing him + an envelope. “I shall not feel at rest until he is safely interned. + You will not mention my name, of course. It is tragic to be obliged to + work against one's friends in the dark. Your young neighbour spoke + in enthusiastic terms of your zeal, and I am sure that in choosing you for + my public man she was not pulling—er—was not making a mistake.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender bowed. + </p> + <p> + “I hope not, madam, he said humbly I try to do my duty.” + </p> + <p> + The lady smiled her sinuous smile and moved towards the door, leaving on + the air a faint odour of vinegar and sandalwood. + </p> + <p> + When she was gone Mr. Lavender sat down on the edge of his chair before + the tea-tray and extracted his teeth while Blink, taking them for a bone, + gazed at them lustrously, and the moon-cat between his feet purred from + repletion. “There is reason in all things,” he thought, + running his finger over what was left in his mouth, “but not in + patriotism, for that would prevent us from consummating the destruction of + our common enemies. It behoves us public men ever to set an extreme + example. Which one can I spare, I wonder?” And he fixed upon a large + rambling tooth on the left wing of his lower jaw. “It will hurt + horribly, I'm afraid; and if I have an anaesthetic there will be + someone else present; and not improbably I shall feel ill afterwards, and + be unable to form a clear judgment. I must steel myself. Blink!” + </p> + <p> + For Blink was making tremulous advances to the teeth. “How pleasant + to be a dog!” thought Mr. Lavender, “and know nothing of + Germans and teeth. I shall be very unhappy till this is out; but Aurora + recommended me, and I must not complain, but rather consider myself the + most fortunate of public men.” And, ruffling his hair till it stood + up all over his head, while his loose eyebrow worked up and down, he gazed + at the moon-cat. + </p> + <p> + “Moon-cat,” he said suddenly, “we are but creatures of + chance, unable to tell from one day to another what Fate has in store for + us. My tooth is beginning to ache already. That is, perhaps, as it should + be, for I shall not forget which one it is.” So musing he resumed + his teeth; and, going to his bookcase, sought fortitude and inspiration in + the records of a Parliamentary debate on enemy aliens. + </p> + <p> + It was not without considerable trepidation, however, on the following + afternoon that he made his way up Welkin Street, and rang at the number on + the envelope in his hand. + </p> + <p> + “Yes sir, doctor is at home,” said the maid. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender's heart was about to fail him when, conjuring up the + vision of Aurora, he said in a faint voice: “I wish to see him + professionally.” And, while the maid departed up the stairs, he + waited in the narrow hall, alternately taking his hat off and putting it + on again, so great was his spiritual confusion. + </p> + <p> + “Doctor will see you at once, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Putting his hat on hastily, Mr. Lavender followed her upstairs, feeling at + his tooth to make quite sure that he remembered which it was. His courage + mounted as he came nearer to his fate, and he marched into the room behind + the maid holding his hat on firmly with one hand and his tooth in firmly + with the other. There, beside a red velvet dentist's chair, he saw a + youngish man dressed in a white coat, with round eyes and a domestic face, + who said in good English: + </p> + <p> + “What can I do for you, my dear sir? I fear you are in bain.” + </p> + <p> + “In great pain,” replied Mr. Lavender faintly, “in great + pain.” And, indeed, he was; for the nervous crisis from which he was + suffering had settled in the tooth, on which he still pressed a finger + through his cheek. + </p> + <p> + “Sit down, sir, sit down,” said the young man, “and + perhaps it would be better if you should remove your hat. We shall not + hurd you—no, no, we shall not hurd you.” + </p> + <p> + At those words, which seemed to cast doubt on his courage, Mr. Lavender + recovered all his presence of mind. He took off his hat, advanced + resolutely to the chair, sat down in it, and, looking up, said: + </p> + <p> + “Do to me what you will; I shall not flinch, nor depart in any way + from the behaviour of those whose duty it is to set an example to others.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he removed his teeth, and placing them in a bowl on the little + swinging table which he perceived on his left hand, he closed his eyes, + put his finger in his mouth, and articulated: + </p> + <p> + “'Ith one.” + </p> + <p> + “Excuse me, sir,” said the young German, “but do you + wish a dooth oud?” + </p> + <p> + “'At ish my deshire,” said Mr. Lavender, keeping his + finger on his tooth, and his eyes closed. “'At one.” + </p> + <p> + “I cannot give you gas without my anaesthedist.” + </p> + <p> + “I dow,” said Mr. Lavender; “be wick.” + </p> + <p> + And, feeling the little cold spy-glass begin to touch his gums, he + clenched his hands and thought: “This is the moment to prove that I, + too, can die for a good cause. If I am not man enough to bear for my + country so small a woe I can never again look Aurora in the face.” + </p> + <p> + The voice of the young dentist dragged him rudely from the depth of his + resignation. + </p> + <p> + “Excuse me, but which dooth did you say?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender again inserted his finger, and opened his eyes. + </p> + <p> + The dentist shook his head. “Imbossible,” he said; “that + dooth is perfectly sound. The other two are rotten. But they do not ache?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender shook his head and repeated: + </p> + <p> + “At one.” + </p> + <p> + “You are my first client this week, sir,” said the young + German calmly, “but I cannot that dooth dake out.” + </p> + <p> + At those words Mr. Lavender experienced a sensation as if his soul were + creeping back up his legs; he spoke as it reached his stomach. + </p> + <p> + “Noc?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied the young German. It is nod the dooth which + causes you the bain. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, suddenly conscious that he had no pain, took his finger out. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” he said, “I perceive that you are an honourable + man. There is something sublime in your abnegation if, indeed, you have + had no other client this week. + </p> + <p> + “No fear,” said the young German. “Haf I, Cicely?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender became conscious for the first time of a young woman leaning + up against the wall, with a pair of tweezers in her hand. + </p> + <p> + “Take it out, Otto,” she said in a low voice, “if he + wants it.” + </p> + <p> + “No no,” said Mr. Lavender sharply, resuming his teeth; + “I would not for the world burden your conscience.” + </p> + <p> + “My clients are all batriots,” said the young dentist, “and + my bractice is Kaput. We are in a bad way, sir,” he added, with a + smile, “but we try to do the correct ting.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender saw the young woman move the tweezers in a manner which + caused his blood to run a little cold. + </p> + <p> + “We must live,” he heard her say. + </p> + <p> + “Young madam,” he said, “I honour the impulse which + makes you desire to extend your husband's practice. Indeed, I + perceive you both to be so honourable that I cannot but make you a + confession. My tooth is indeed sound, though, since I have been pretending + that it isn't, it has caused me much discomfort. I came here largely + to form an opinion of your husband's character, with a view to + securing his internment.” + </p> + <p> + At that word the two young people shrank together till they were standing + side by side, staring at Mr Lavender with eyes full of anxiety and wonder. + Their hands, which still held the implements of dentistry, insensibly + sought each other. + </p> + <p> + “Be under no apprehension,” cried Mr. Lavender, much moved; + “I can see that you are greatly attached, and even though your + husband is a German, he is still a man, and I could never bring myself to + separate him from you.” + </p> + <p> + “Who are you?” said the young woman in a frightened voice, + putting her arm round her husband's waist. + </p> + <p> + “Just a public man,” answered Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “I came here from a sense of duty; nothing more, assure you.” + </p> + <p> + “Who put you up to it?” + </p> + <p> + “That,” said Mr. Lavender, bowing as best he could from the + angle he was in, “I am not at liberty to disclose. But, believe me, + you have nothing to fear from this visit; I shall never do anything to + distress a woman. And please charge me as if the tooth had been extracted.” + </p> + <p> + The young German smiled, and shook his head. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” he said, “I am grateful to you for coming, for it + shows us what danger we are in. The hardest ting to bear has been the + uncertainty of our bosition, and the feeling that our friends were working + behind our backs. Now we know that this is so we shall vordify our souls + to bear the worst. But, tell me,” he went on, “when you came + here, surely you must have subbosed that to tear me away from my wife + would be very bainful to her and to myself. You say now you never could do + that, how was it, then, you came?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, sir!” cried Mr. Lavender, running his hands through his + hair and staring at the ceiling, “I feared this might seem + inconsistent to your logical German mind. But there are many things we + public men would never do if we could see them being done. Fortunately, as + a rule we cannot. Believe me, when I leave you I shall do my best to save + you from a fate which I perceive to be unnecessary.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he rose from the chair, and, picking up his hat, backed towards + the door. + </p> + <p> + “I will not offer you my hand,” he said, “for I am + acutely conscious that my position is neither dignified nor decent. I owe + you a tooth that I shall not readily forget. Good-bye!” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XV. + </h2> + <p> + And backing through the doorway he made his way down the stairs and out + into the street, still emotionalized by the picture of the two young + people holding each other by the waist. He had not, however, gone far + before reason resumed its sway, and he began to see that the red velvet + chair in which he had been sitting was in reality a wireless apparatus + reaching to Berlin, or at least concealed a charge of dynamite to blow up + some King or Prime Minister; and that the looking-glasses, of which he had + noticed two at least, were surely used for signalling to Gothas or + Zeppelins. This plunged him into a confusion so poignant that, rather by + accident than design, he found himself again at Hampstead instead of at + Scotland Yard. “In the society of Aurora alone,” he thought, + “can I free myself from the goadings of conscience, for it was she + who sent me on that errand.” And, instead of going in, he took up a + position on his lawn whence he could attract her attention by waving his + arms. He had been doing this for some time, to the delight of Blink, who + thought it a new game, before he saw her in her nurse's dress coming + out of a French-window with her yellow book in her hand. Redoubling his + efforts till he had arrested her attention, he went up to the privet + hedge, and said, in a deep and melancholy voice: + </p> + <p> + “Aurora, I have failed in my duty, and the errand on which you sent + me is unfulfilled. Mrs. Pullbody's sister's husband's + sister's husband is still, largely speaking, at large.” + </p> + <p> + “I knew he would be,” replied the young lady, with her joyous + smile, “that's why I put her on to you—the cat!” + </p> + <p> + At a loss to understand her meaning, Mr. Lavender, who had bent forward + above the hedge in his eagerness to explain, lost his balance, and, + endeavouring to save the hedge, fell over into some geranium pots. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Don Pickwixote,” cried the young lady, assisting him to + rise, “have you hurt your nose?” + </p> + <p> + “It is not that,” said Mr. Lavender, removing some mould from + his hair, and stifling the attentions of Blink; “but rather my + honour, for I have allowed my duty to my country to be overridden by the + common emotion of pity.” + </p> + <p> + “Hurrah!” cried the young lady. “It'll do you ever + so much good.” + </p> + <p> + “Aurora!” cried Mr. Lavender aghast, walking at her side. But + the young lady only uttered her enchanting laugh. + </p> + <p> + “Come and lie down in the hammock!” she said you're + looking like a ghost. “I'll cover you up with a rug, and smoke + a cigarette to keep the midges off you. Tuck up your legs; that's + right!” + </p> + <p> + “No!” said Mr. Lavender from the recesses of the hammock, + feeling his nose, “let the bidges bide me. I deserve they should + devour me alive.” + </p> + <p> + “All right,” said the young lady. “But have a nap, + anyway!” And sitting down in a low chair, she opened her book and + lit a cigarette. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender remained silent, watching her with the eyes of an acolyte, + and wondering whether he was in his senses to have alighted on so rare a + fortune. Nor was it long before he fell into a hypnotic doze. + </p> + <p> + How long Mr. Lavender had been asleep he could not of course tell before + he dreamed that he was caught in a net, the meshes of which were formed of + the cries of newspaper boys announcing atrocities by land and sea. He + awoke looking into the eyes of Aurora, who, to still his struggles, had + taken hold of his ankles. + </p> + <p> + “My goodness! You are thin!” were the first words he heard. + “No wonder you're lightheaded.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, whose returning chivalry struggled with unconscious delight, + murmured with difficulty: + </p> + <p> + “Let me go, let me go; it is too heavenly! + </p> + <p> + “Well, have you finished kicking?” asked the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” returned Mr. Lavender in a fainting voice——“alas!” + </p> + <p> + The young lady let go of his ankles, and, aiding him to rise from the + hammock, said: “I know what's the matter with you now—you're + starving yourself. You ought to be kept on your back for three months at + least, and fed on butter.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, soothing the feelings of Blink, who, at his struggles, had + begun to pant deeply, answered with watering lips: + </p> + <p> + “Everyone in these days must do twice as much as he ought, and I eat + half, for only in this way can we compass the defeat of our common + enemies.” The young lady's answer, which sounded like “Bosh!” + was lost in Mr. Lavender's admiration of her magnificent proportions + as she bent to pick up her yellow book. + </p> + <p> + “Aurora,” he said, “I know not what secret you share + with the goddesses; suffer me to go in and give thanks for this hour spent + in your company.” + </p> + <p> + And he was about to recross the privet hedge when she caught him by the + coat-tag, saying: + </p> + <p> + “No, Don Pickwixote, you must dine with us. I want you to meet my + father. Come along!” And, linking her arm in his, she led him + towards her castle. Mr. Lavender, who had indeed no, option but to obey, + such was the vigour of her arm, went with a sense of joy not unmingled + with consternation lest the personage she spoke of should have viewed him + in the recent extravagance of his dreaming moments. + </p> + <p> + “I don't believe,” said the young lady, gazing down at + him, “that you weigh an ounce more than seven stone. It's + appalling! + </p> + <p> + “Not,” returned Mr. Lavender, “by physical weight and + force shall we win this war, for it is at bottom a question of morale. + Right is, ever victorious in the end, and though we have infinitely + greater material resources than our foes, we should still triumph were we + reduced to the last ounce, because of the inherent nobility of our cause.” + </p> + <p> + “You'll be reduced to the last ounce if we don't feed, + you up somehow,” said the young lady. + </p> + <p> + “Would you like to wash your hands?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender having signified his assent, she left him alone in a place + covered with linoleum. When, at length, followed by Blink, he emerged from + dreamy ablutions, Mr. Lavender, saw that she had changed her dress to a + flowing blue garment of diaphanous character, which made her appear, like + an emanation of the sky. He was about to say so when he noticed a + gentleman in khaki scrutinizing him with lively eyes slightly injected + with blood. + </p> + <p> + “Don Pickwixote,” said the young lady; “my father, Major + Scarlet.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender's hand was grasped by one which seemed to him made of + iron. + </p> + <p> + “I am honoured, sir,” he said painfully, “to meet the + father of my charming young neighbour.” + </p> + <p> + The Major answered in a voice as clipped as his grey bottle-brush + moustache, “Delighted! Dinner's ready. Come along!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender saw that he had a mouth which seemed to have a bitt in it; + several hairs on a finely rounded head; and an air of efficient and + truculent bonhomie tanned and wrinkled by the weather. + </p> + <p> + The table at which they became seated seemed to one accustomed to + frugality to groan with flowers and china and glass; and Mr. Lavender had + hardly supped his rich and steaming soup before his fancy took fire; nor + did he notice that he was drinking from a green glass in which was a + yellow fluid. + </p> + <p> + “I get Army rations,” said the Major, holding a morsel of + fillet of beef towards Blink. “Nice dog, Mr. Lavender.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Mr. Lavender, ever delighted that his favourite + should receive attention, “she is an angel.” + </p> + <p> + “Too light,” said the Major, “and a bit too narrow in + front; but a nice dog. What's your view of the war?” + </p> + <p> + Before Mr. Lavender could reply he felt Aurora's foot pressing his, + and heard her say: + </p> + <p> + “Don Pickwixote's views are after your own heart, Dad; he's + for the complete destruction of the Hun.” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed, yes,” cried Mr. Lavender with shining eyes. “Right + and justice demand it. We seek to gain nothing!” + </p> + <p> + “But we'll take all we can get,” said the Major. + </p> + <p> + “They'll never get their Colonies back. We'll stick to + them fast enough.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender stared at him for a moment, then, remembering what he had so + often read, he murmured: + </p> + <p> + “Aggrandizement is not our object; but we can never forget that so + long as any territory remains in the hands of our treacherous foe the + arteries of our far-flung Empire are menaced at the roots.” + </p> + <p> + “Right-o,” said the Major, “we've got the chance + of our lives, and we're going to take it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sat forward a little on his chair. “I shall never + admit,” he said, “that we are going to take anything, for that + would be contrary to the principles which we are pledged to support, and + to our avowed intention of seeking only the benefit of the human race; but + our inhuman foes have compelled us to deprive them of the power to injure + others.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the Major, “we must just go on killing + Germans and collaring every bit of their property we can.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sat a little further forward on his chair, and the trouble in + his eyes grew. + </p> + <p> + “After all's said and done,” continued the Major; + “it's a simple war—us or them! And in the long run it's + bound to be us. We've got the cards.” Mr. Lavender started, + and said in a weak and wavering voice: + </p> + <p> + “We shall never sheathe the sword until——” + </p> + <p> + “The whole bag of tricks is in our hands. Might isn't Right, + but Right's Might, Mr. Lavender; ha, ha!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender's eyes lighted on his glass, and he emptied it in his + confusion. When he looked up again he could not see the Major very well, + but could distinctly hear the truculent bonhomie of his voice. + </p> + <p> + “Every German ought to be interned; all their property ought to be + confiscated; all their submarines' and Zeppelins' crews ought + to be hung; all German prisoners ought to be treated as they treat our + men. We ought to give 'em no quarter. We ought to bomb their towns + out of existence. I draw the line at their women. Short of that there's + nothing too bad for them. I'd treat 'em like rabbits. Vermin + they were, and vermin they remain.” + </p> + <p> + During this speech the most astounding experience befell Mr. Lavender, so + that his eyes nearly started from his head. It seemed to him, indeed, that + he was seated at dinner with a Prussian, and the Major's voice had + no sooner ceased its genial rasping than with a bound forward on his + chair, he ejaculated: + </p> + <p> + “Behold the man—the Prussian in his jack-boot!” And, + utterly oblivious of the fact that he was addressing Aurora's + father, he went on with almost terrible incoherence: “Although you + have conquered this country, sir, never shall you subdue in my breast the + sentiments of liberty and generosity which make me an Englishman. I abhor + you—invader of the world—trampler underfoot of the humanities—enemy + of mankind—apostle of force! You have blown out the sparks of love + and kindliness, and have for ever robbed the Universe. Prussian!” + </p> + <p> + The emphasis with which he spoke that word caused his chair, on the edge + of which he was sitting, to tilt up under him so that he slid under the + table, losing the vision of that figure in helmet and field-grey which he + had been apostrophizing. + </p> + <p> + “Hold up!” said a voice, while Blink joined him nervously + beneath the board. + </p> + <p> + “Never!” cried Mr. Lavender. “Imprison, maltreat me do + what you will. You have subdued her body, but never will I admit that you + have conquered the honour of Britain and trodden her gentle culture into + the mud.” + </p> + <p> + And, convinced that he would now be dragged away to be confined in some + dungeon on bread and water, he clasped the leg of the dining-table with + all his might, while Blink, sagaciously aware that something peculiar was + occurring to her master, licked the back of his neck. He had been sitting + there perhaps half a minute, with his ears stretched to catch the + half-whispered sounds above, when he saw a shining object appear under the + table, the head, indeed, of the Prussian squatting there to look at him. + </p> + <p> + “Go up, thou bald-head,” he called out at once; “I will + make no terms with the destroyer of justice and humanity.” + </p> + <p> + “All right, my dear sir,” replied the head. + </p> + <p> + “Will you let my daughter speak to you?” + </p> + <p> + “Prussian blasphemer,” responded Mr. Lavender, shifting his + position so as to be further away, and clasping instead of the table leg + some soft silken objects, which he was too excited to associate with + Aurora, “you have no daughter, for no woman would own one whose + hated presence poisons this country.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, well,” said the Major. “How shall we get him out?” + </p> + <p> + Hearing these words, and believing them addressed to a Prussian guard, Mr. + Lavender clung closer to the objects, but finding them wriggle in his + clasp let go, and, bolting forward like a rabbit on his hands and knees, + came into contact with the Major's head. The sound of the + concussion, the Major's oaths, Mr. Lavender's moans, Blink's + barking, and the peals of laughter from Aurora made up a noise which might + have been heard in Portugal. The situation was not eased until Mr. + Lavender crawled out, and taking up a dinner-knife, rolled his napkin + round his arm, and prepared to defend himself against the German Army. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I'm damned,” said the Major when he saw these + preparations; “I am damned.” + </p> + <p> + Aurora, who had been leaning against the wall from laughter, here came + forward, gasping: + </p> + <p> + “Go away, Dad, and leave him to me.” + </p> + <p> + “To you!” cried the Major. “He's not safe!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh yes, he is; it's only you that are exciting him. Come + along!” + </p> + <p> + And taking her father by the arm she conducted him from the room. Closing + the door behind him, and putting her back against it, she said, gently: + </p> + <p> + “Dear Don Pickwixote, all danger is past. The enemy has been + repulsed, and we are alone in safety. Ha, ha, ha!” + </p> + <p> + Her voice recalled. Mr. Lavender from his strange hallucination. “What?” + he said weakly. + </p> + <p> + “Why? Who? Where? When?” + </p> + <p> + “You have been dreaming again. Let me take you home, and tuck you + into bed.” And taking from him the knife and napkin, she opened the + French-window, and passed out on to the lawn. + </p> + <p> + Lavender, who now that his reason had come back, would have followed her + to the death, passed out also, accompanied by Blink, and watched by the + Major, who had put his head in again at the door. Unfortunately, the + spirit moved Mr. Lavender to turn round at this moment, and seeing the + head he cried out in a loud voice: + </p> + <p> + “He is there! He is there! Arch enemy of mankind! Let me go and die + under his jackboot, for never over my living body shall he rule this land.” + And the infatuated gentleman would certainly have rushed at his host had + not Aurora stayed him by the slack of his nether garments. The Major + withdrawing his head, Mr. Lavender's excitement again passed from + him, and he suffered himself to be led dazedly away and committed to the + charge of Mrs. Petty and Joe, who did not leave him till he was in bed + with a strong bromide to keep him company. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVI + </h2> + <h3> + FIGHTS THE FIGHT OF FAITH + </h3> + <p> + The strenuous experiences through which Mr. Lavender had passed resulted + in what Joe Petty called “a fair knock-out,” and he was forced + to spend three days in the seclusion of his bed, deprived of his + newspapers. He instructed Mrs. Petty, however, on no account to destroy or + mislay any journal, but to keep them in a pile in his study. This she did, + for though her first impulse was to light the kitchen fire with the five + of them every morning, deliberate reflection convinced her that twenty + journals read at one sitting would produce on him a more soporific effect + than if he came down to a mere five. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender passed his three days, therefore, in perfect repose, feeding + Blink, staring at the ceiling, and conversing with Joe. An uneasy sense + that he had been lacking in restraint caused his mind to dwell on life as + seen by the monthly rather than the daily papers, and to hold with his + chauffeur discussions of a somewhat philosophical character. + </p> + <p> + “As regards the government of this country, Joe,” he said, on + the last evening of his retirement, “who do you consider really + rules? For it is largely on this that our future must depend.” + </p> + <p> + “Can't say, sir,” answered Joe, “unless it's + Botty.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know whom or what you signify by that word,” replied + Mr. Lavender; “I am wondering if it is the People who rule.” + </p> + <p> + “The People!” replied Joe; “the People's like a + gent in a lunatic asylum, allowed to 'ave instinks but not to + express 'em. One day it'll get aht, and we shall all step + lively.” + </p> + <p> + “It is, perhaps, Public Opinion,” continued Mr. Lavender to + himself, “as expressed in the Press.” + </p> + <p> + “Not it,” said Joe, “the nearest opinion the Press gets + to expressin' is that of Mayors. 'Ave you never noticed, sir, + that when the Press is 'ard up for support of an opinion that the + public don't 'old, they go to the Mayors, and get 'em in + two columns?” + </p> + <p> + “Mayors are most valuable public men,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “I've nothin' against 'em,” replied Joe; + “very average lot in their walk of life; but they ain't the + People.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed. “What, then, is the People, Joe?” + </p> + <p> + “I am,” replied Joe; “I've got no opinions on + anything except that I want to live a quiet life—just enough beer + and 'baccy, short hours, and no worry.” + </p> + <p> + “'If you compare that with the aspirations of Mayors you will + see how sordid such a standard is,” said Mr. Lavender, gravely. + </p> + <p> + “Sordid it may be, sir,” replied Joe; “but there's, + a thing abaht it you 'aven't noticed. I don't want to + sacrifice nobody to satisfy my aspirations. Why? Because I've got + none. That's priceless. Take the Press, take Parlyment, take Mayors—all + mad on aspirations. Now it's Free Trade, now it's Imperialism; + now it's Liberty in Europe; now it's Slavery in Ireland; now + it's sacrifice of the last man an' the last dollar. You never + can tell what aspiration'll get 'em next. And the 'ole + point of an aspiration is the sacrifice of someone else. Don't you + make a mistake, sir. I defy you to make a public speech which 'asn't + got that at the bottom of it.” + </p> + <p> + “We are wandering from the point, Joe,” returned Mr. Lavender. + “Who is it that governs, the country?” + </p> + <p> + “A Unseen Power,” replied Joe promptly. + </p> + <p> + “How?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, we're a democratic country, ain't we? + Parlyment's elected by the People, and Gover'ment's + elected by Parlyment. All right so far; but what 'appens? Gover'ment + says 'I'm going to do this.' So long as it meets with + the approval of the Unseen Power, well an' good. But what if it don't? + The U.P. gets busy; in an 'undred papers there begins to appear what + the U.P. calls Public Opinion, that's to say the opinion of the + people that agree with the U.P. There you 'ave it, sir, only them—and + it appears strong. Attacks on the Gover'ment policy, nasty things + said abaht members of it that's indiscreet enough to speak aht what, + they think—German fathers, and other secret vices; an' what's + more than all, not a peep at any opinion that supports the Gover'ment. + Well, that goes on day after day, playin' on the mind of Parlyment, + if they've got any, and gittin' on the Gover'ment's + nerves, which they've got weak, till they says: 'Look 'ere, + it's no go; Public Opinion won't stand it. We shall be outed; + and that'll never do, because there's no other set of fellows + that can save this country.' Then they 'ave a meetin' + and change their policy. And what they've never seen is that they've + never seen Public Opinion at all. All they've seen is what the U.P. + let 'em. Now if I was the Gover'ment, I'd 'ave it + out once for all with the U. P.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” cried Mr. Lavender, whose eyes were starting from his, + head, so profoundly was he agitated by what was to him a new thought. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” continued Joe, “if I was the Gover'ment, + next time it 'appened, I'd say: 'All right, old cock, do + your damnedest. I ain't responsible to you. Attack, suppress, and + all the rest of it. We're goin' to do what we say, all the + same!' And then I'd do it. And what'd come of it? Either + the U.P. would go beyond the limits of the Law—and then I'd + jump on it, suppress its papers, and clap it into quod—or it'd + take it lyin' down. Whichever 'appened it'd be all up + with the U. P. I'd a broke its chain off my neck for good. But I ain't + the Gover'ment, an Gover'ment's got tender feet. I ask + you, sir, wot's the good of havin' a Constitooshion, and a the + bother of electing these fellows, if they can't act according to + their judgment for the short term of their natural lives? The U.P. may be + patriotic and estimable, and 'ave the best intentions and all that, + but its outside the Constitooshion; and what's more, I'm not + goin' to spend my last blood an' my last money in a democratic + country to suit the tastes of any single man, or triumpherate, or wotever + it may be made of. If the Government's uncertain wot the country + wants they can always ask it in the proper way, but they never ought to + take it on 'earsay from the papers. That's wot I think.” + </p> + <p> + While he was speaking Mr. Lavender had become excited to the point of + fever, for, without intending it, Joe had laid bare to him a yawning chasm + between his worship of public men and his devotion to the Press. And no + sooner had his chauffeur finished than he cried: “Leave me, Joe, for + I must think this out.” + </p> + <p> + “Right, sir,” answered Joe with his smile, and taking the + tea-tray from off his master, he set it where it must infallibly be + knocked over, and went out. + </p> + <p> + “Can it be possible,” thought Mr. Lavender, when he was alone, + “that I am serving God and Mammon? And which is God and which is + Mammon?” he added, letting his thoughts play over the countless + speeches and leading articles which had formed his spiritual diet since + the war began. “Or, indeed, are they not both God or both Mammon? If + what Joe says is true, and nothing is recorded save what seems good to + this Unseen Power, have I not been listening to ghosts and shadows; and am + I, indeed, myself anything but the unsubstantial image of a public man? + For it is true that I have no knowledge of anything save what is recorded + in the papers.” And perceiving that the very basis of his faith was + endangered, he threw off the bedclothes, and began to pace the room. + “Are we, then, all,” he thought, “being bounded like + india-rubber balls by an unseen hand; and is there no one of us strong + enough to bounce into the eye of our bounder and overthrow him? My God, I + am unhappy; for it is a terrible thing not to know which my God is, and + whether I am a public man or an india-rubber ball.” And the more he + thought the more dreadful it seemed to him, now that he perceived that all + those journals, pamphlets, and reports with which his study walls were + lined might not be the truth, but merely authorized versions of it. + </p> + <p> + “This,” he said aloud, “is a nightmare from which I must + awaken or lose all my power of action and my ability to help my country in + its peril.” + </p> + <p> + And sudden sweat broke out on his brow, for he perceived that he had now + no means of telling even whether there was a peril, so strangely had Joe's + words affected his powers of credulity. + </p> + <p> + “But surely,” he thought, steadying himself by gripping his + washstand, “there was, at least, a peril once. And yet, how do I + know even that, for I have only been told so; and the tellers themselves + were only told so by this Unseen Power; and suppose it has made a mistake + or has some private ends to serve! Oh! it is terrible, and there is no end + to it.” And he shook the crockery in the spasms which followed the + first awakenings of these religious doubts. “Where, then, am I to + go,” he cried, “for knowledge of the truth? For even books + would seem dependent on the good opinion of this Unseen Power, and would + not reach my eyes unless they were well spoken of by it.” + </p> + <p> + And the more he thought the more it seemed to him that nothing could help + him but to look into the eyes of this Unseen Power, so that he might see + for himself whether it was the Angel of Truth or some Demon jumping on the + earth. No sooner had this conviction entered his brain than he perceived + how in carrying out such an enterprise he would not only be setting his + own mind at rest, and re-establishing or abolishing his faith, but would + be doing the greatest service which he could render to his country and to + all public men. “Thus,” he thought, “shall I cannonize + my tourney, and serve Aurora, who is the dawn of truth and beauty in the + world. I am not yet worthy, however, of this adventure, which will, + indeed, be far more arduous and distressing to accomplish than any which I + have yet undertaken. What can I do to brighten and equip my mind and + divest it of all those prejudices in which it may unconsciously have + become steeped? If I could leave the earth a short space and commune with + the clouds it might be best. I will go to Hendon and see if someone will + take me up for a consideration; for on earth I can no longer be sure of + anything.” + </p> + <p> + And having rounded off his purpose with this lofty design, he went back to + bed with his head lighter than a puff-ball. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVII + </h2> + <h3> + ADDRESSES THE CLOUDS + </h3> + <p> + On the morning following his resurrection Mr. Lavender set out very early + for the celebrated flying ground without speaking of his intention to + anyone. At the bottom of the hill he found to his annoyance that Blink had + divined his purpose and was following. This, which compelled him to walk, + greatly delayed his arrival. But chance now favoured him, for he found he + was expected, and at once conducted to a machine which was about to rise. + A taciturn young man, with a long jaw, and wings on his breast, was + standing there gazing at it with an introspective eye. + </p> + <p> + “Ready, sir?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Mr. Lavender, enveloped to the eyes in a + garment of fur and leather. “Will you kindly hold my dog?” he + added, stroking Blink with the feeling that he was parting for ever with + all that was most dear to him. + </p> + <p> + An attendant having taken hold of her by the collar, Mr. Lavender was + heaved into the machine, where the young airman was already seated in + front of him. + </p> + <p> + “Shall I feel sick?” asked Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Probably,” said the young airman. + </p> + <p> + “That will not deter me, for the less material I become the better + it will be.” + </p> + <p> + The young airman turned his head, and Mr. Lavender caught the surprised + yellow of his eye. + </p> + <p> + “Hold on,” said the airman, “I'm going to touch + her off.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender held on, and the machine moved but at this moment Blink, + uttering a dismal howl, leapt forward, and, breaking from the attendant's + grasp, landed in the machine against Mr. Lavender's chest. + </p> + <p> + “Stop! stop he cried!” my dog. + </p> + <p> + “Stuff her down,” said the unmoved airman, “between your + legs. She's not the first to go up and won't be the last to + come down.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender stuffed her down as best he could. “If we are to be + killed,” he thought, “it will be together. Blink!” The + faithful creature, who bitterly regretted her position now that the motion + had begun, looked up with a darkened eye at Mr. Lavender, who was stopping + his ears against the horrible noises which had now begun. He too, had + become aware of the pit of his stomach; but this sensation soon passed + away in the excitement he felt at getting away from the earth, for they + were already at the height of a house, and rising rapidly. + </p> + <p> + “It is not at all like a little bird,” he thought, “but + rather resembles a slow train on the surface of the sea, or a horse on a + switchback merry-go-round. I feel, however, that my spirit will soon be + free, for the earth is becoming like a board whereon a game is played by + an unseen hand, and I am leaving it.” And craning his head out a + little too far he felt his chin knock against his spine. Drawing it in + with difficulty he concentrated his attention upon that purification of + his spirit which was the object of his journey. + </p> + <p> + “I am now,” he thought, “in the transcendent ether. It + should give me an amazing power of expression such as only the greatest + writers and orators attain; and, divorced as I am rapidly becoming from + all sordid reality, truth will appear to me like one of those stars + towards which I am undoubtedly flying though I cannot as yet see it.” + </p> + <p> + Blink, who between his legs had hitherto been unconscious of their + departure from the earth, now squirmed irresistibly up till her forepaws + were on her master's chest, and gazed lugubriously at the fearful + prospect. Mr. Lavender clasped her convulsively. They were by now rapidly + nearing a flock of heavenly sheep, which as they approached became ever + more gigantic till they were transformed into monstrous snow-fleeces + intersected by wide drifts of blue. + </p> + <p> + “Can it be that we are to adventure above them?” thought Mr. + Lavender. “I hope not, for they seem to me fearful.” His alarm + was soon appeased, for the machine began to take a level course a thousand + feet, perhaps, below the clouds, whence little wraiths wandering out now + and again dimmed Mr. Lavender's vision and moistened his brow. + </p> + <p> + Blink having retired again between her master's legs, a sense of + security and exaltation was succeeding to the natural trepidation of Mr. + Lavender's mood. “I am now,” he thought, “lifted + above all petty plots and passions on the wings of the morning. Soon will + great thoughts begin to jostle in my head, and I shall see the truth of + all things made clear at last.” + </p> + <p> + But the thoughts did not jostle, a curious lethargy began stealing over + him instead, so that his head fell back, and his mouth fell open. This + might have endured until he returned to earth had not the airman stopped + the engines so that they drifted ruminantly in space below the clouds. + With the cessation of the noise Mr. Lavender's brain regained its + activity, and he was enchanted to hear the voice of his pilot saying: + </p> + <p> + “How are you getting on, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “As regards the sensation,” Mr. Lavender replied, “it is + marvellous, for after the first minute or two, during which the unwonted + motion causes a certain inconvenience, one grasps at once the exhilaration + and joy of this great adventure. To be in motion towards the spheres, and + see the earth laid out like a chess-board below you; to feel the lithe + creature beneath your body responding so freely to every call of its + gallant young pilot; to be filled with the scream of the engines, as of an + eagle at sport; to know that at the least aberration of the intrepid + airman we should be dashed into a million pieces; all this is largely to + experience an experience so unforgettable that one will never—er—er—forget + it.” + </p> + <p> + “Gosh!” said the young airman. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” pursued Mr. Lavender, who was now unconsciously reading + himself in his morning's paper, “one can only compare the + emotion to that which the disembodied spirit might feel passing straight + from earth to heaven. We saw at a great depth below us on a narrow white + riband of road two crawling black specks, and knew that they were human + beings, the same and no more than we had been before we left that great + common place called Earth.” + </p> + <p> + “Gum!” said the young airman, as Lavender paused, “you're + getting it fine, sir! Where will it appear?” + </p> + <p> + “Those great fleecy beings the clouds,” went on Mr. Lavender, + without taking on the interruption, “seemed to await our coming in + the morning glory of their piled-up snows; and we, with the rarefied air + in our lungs, felt that we must shout to them.” And so carried away + was Mr. Lavender by his own style that he really did begin to address the + clouds: “Ghosts of the sky, who creep cold about this wide blue air, + we small adventuring mortals great-hearted salute you. Humbly proud of our + daring have we come to sport with you and the winds of Ouranos, and, in + the rapturous corridors between you, play hide-and seek, avoiding your + glorious moisture with the dips and curves and skimming of our swallow + flights—we, the little unconquerable Spirits of the Squirth!” + </p> + <p> + The surprise which Mr. Lavender felt at having uttered so peculiar a word, + in the middle of such a flow of poetry reduced him to sudden silence. + </p> + <p> + “Golly!” said the airman with sudden alarm in his voice. + “Hold tight!” And they began to shoot towards earth faster + than they had risen. They came down, by what seemed a miracle to Mr. + Lavender, who was still contemplative, precisely where they had gone up. A + little group was collected there, and as they stepped out a voice said, + “I beg your pardon,” in a tone so dry that it pierced even the + fogged condition in which Mr. Lavender alighted. The gentleman who spoke + had a dark moustache and thick white hair, and, except that he wore a + monocle, and was perhaps three inches taller, bore a striking resemblance + to himself. + </p> + <p> + “Thank you,” he replied, “certainly.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the gentleman, “not at all—on the + contrary, Who the hell are you?” + </p> + <p> + “A public man,” said Mr. Lavender, surprised; “at least,” + he added conscientiously, “I am not quite certain.” + </p> + <p> + “Well,” said the gentleman, “you've jolly well + stolen my stunt.” + </p> + <p> + “Who, then, are you?” asked Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “I?” replied the gentleman, evidently intensely surprised that + he was not known; “I—my name——” + </p> + <p> + But at this moment Mr. Lavender's attention was diverted by the + sight of Blink making for the horizon, and crying out in a loud voice: + “My dog!” he dropped the coat in which he was still enveloped + and set off running after her at full speed, without having taken in the + identity of the gentleman or disclosed his own. Blink, indeed, scenting + another flight in the air, had made straight for the entrance of the + enclosure, and finding a motor cab there with the door open had bolted + into it, taking it for her master's car. Mr. Lavender sprang in + after her. At the shake which this imparted to the cab, the driver, who + had been dozing, turned his head. + </p> + <p> + “Want to go back, sir?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Mr. Lavender, breathless; “London.” + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVIII + </h2> + <h3> + SEES TRUTH FACE TO FACE + </h3> + <p> + “I fear,” thought Mr. Lavender, as they sped towards Town, + “that I have inadvertently taken a joy-ride which belonged to that + distinguished person with the eyeglass. No matter, my spirit is now bright + for the adventure I have in hand. If only I knew where I could find the + Unseen Power—but possibly its movements may be recorded in these + journals.” And taking from his pocket his morning papers, which he + had not yet had time to peruse, he buried himself in their contents. He + was still deeply absorbed when the cab stopped and the driver knocked on + the window. Mr. Lavender got out, followed by Blink, and was feeling in + his pocket for the fare when an exclamation broke from the driver: + </p> + <p> + “Gorblimy! I've brought the wrong baby!” + </p> + <p> + And before Mr. Lavender had recovered from his surprise, he had whipped + the car round and was speeding back towards the flying ground. + </p> + <p> + “How awkward!” thought Mr. Lavender, who was extremely nice in + money matters; “what shall I do now?” And he looked around + him. There, as it were by a miracle, was the office of a great journal, + whence obviously his distinguished colleague had set forth to the flying + grounds, and to which he had been returned in error by the faithful + driver. + </p> + <p> + Perceiving in all this the finger of Providence, Mr. Lavender walked in. + Those who have followed his experiences so far will readily understand how + no one could look on Mr. Lavender without perceiving him to be a man of + extreme mark, and no surprise need be felt when he was informed that the + Personage he sought was on the point of visiting Brighton to open a + hospital, and might yet be overtaken at Victoria Station. + </p> + <p> + With a beating heart he took up the trail in another taxi-cab, and, + arriving at Victoria, purchased tickets for himself and Blink, and + inquired for the Brighton train. + </p> + <p> + “Hurry up!” replied the official. Mr. Lavender ran, searching + the carriage windows for any indication of his objective. The whistle had + been blown, and he was in despair, when his eye caught the label “Reserved” + on a first-class window, and looking in he saw a single person evidently + of the highest consequence smoking a cigar, surrounded by papers. Without + a moment's hesitation he opened the door, and, preceded by Blink, + leaped in. “This carriage is reserved, sir,” said the + Personage, as the train moved out. + </p> + <p> + “I know,” said Mr. Lavender, who had fallen on to the edge of + the seat opposite; “and only the urgency of my business would have + caused me to violate the sanctity of your retreat, for, believe me, I have + the instincts if not the habits of a gentleman.” + </p> + <p> + The Personage, who had made a move of his hand as if to bring the train to + a standstill, abandoning his design, replaced his cigar, and contemplated + Mr. Lavender from above it. + </p> + <p> + The latter remained silent, returning that remarkable stare, while Blink + withdrew beneath the seat and pressed her chin to the ground, savouring + the sensation of a new motion. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” he thought, “those eyes have an almost superhuman + force and cunning. They are the eyes of a spider in the centre of a great + web. They seem to draw me.” + </p> + <p> + “You are undoubtedly the Unseen Power, sir,” he said suddenly, + “and I have reached the heart of the mystery. From your own lips I + shall soon know whether I am a puppet or a public man.” + </p> + <p> + The Personage, who by his movements was clearly under the impression that + he had to do with a lunatic, sat forward with his hands on his knees ready + to rise at a moment's notice; he kept his cigar in his mouth, + however, and an enforced smile on the folds of his face. + </p> + <p> + “What can I do for you, sir?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Will you have a cigar?” + </p> + <p> + “No, thank you,” replied Mr. Lavender, “I must keep the + eyes of my spirit clear, and come to the point. Do you rule this country + or do you not? For it is largely on the answer to this that my future + depends. In telling others what to do am I speaking as my conscience or as + your conscience dictates; and, further, if indeed I am speaking as your + conscience dictates, have you a conscience?” + </p> + <p> + The Personage, who had evidently made up his mind to humour the intruder, + flipped the ash off his cigar. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, he said, I don't know who the devil you may be, + but my conscience is certainly as good as yours.” + </p> + <p> + “That,” returned Mr. Lavender with a sigh, “is a great + relief, for whether you rule the country or not, you are undoubtedly the + source from which I, together with the majority of my countrymen, derive + our inspirations. You are the fountainhead at which we draw and drink. And + to know that your waters are pure, unstained by taint of personal + prejudice and the love of power, will fortify us considerably. Am I to + assume, then, that above all passion and pettiness, you are an impersonal + force whose innumerable daily editions reflect nothing but abstract truth, + and are in no way the servants of a preconceived and personal view of the + situation?” + </p> + <p> + “You want to know too much, don't you think?” said the + Personage with a smile. + </p> + <p> + “How can that be, sir?” asked Mr. Lavender: “If you are + indeed the invisible king swaying the currents of national life, and + turning its tides at will, it is essential that we should believe in you; + and before we can believe in you must we not know all about you?” + </p> + <p> + “By Jove, sir,” replied the Personage, “that strikes me + as being contrary to all the rules of religion. I thought faith was the + ticket.” + </p> + <p> + By this answer Mr. Lavender was so impressed that he sat for a moment in + silence, with his eyebrow working up and down. + </p> + <p> + “Sir,” he said at last, “you have given me a new + thought. If you are right, to disbelieve in you and the acts which you + perform, or rather the editions which you issue, is blasphemy.” + </p> + <p> + “I should think so,” said the Personage, emitting a long whiff + of smoke. “Hadn't that ever occurred to you before?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” replied Mr. Lavender, naively, “for I have never + yet disbelieved anything in those journals.” + </p> + <p> + The Personage coughed heartily. + </p> + <p> + “I have always regarded them,” went on Mr. Lavender, “as + I myself should wish to be regarded, 'without fear and without + reproach.' For that is, as I understand it, the principle on which a + gentleman must live, ever believing of others what he would wish believed + of himself. With the exception of Germans,” he added hastily. + </p> + <p> + “Naturally,” returned the Personage. “And I'll + defy you to find anything in them which disagrees with that formula. + Everything they print refers to Germans if not directly then obliquely. + Germans are the 'idee fixe', and without an 'idee fixe', + as you know, there's no such thing as religion. Do you get me?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, indeed,” cried Mr. Lavender, enthused, for the whole + matter now seemed to him to fall into coherence, and, what was more, to + coincide with his preconceptions, so that he had no longer any doubts. + “You, sir—the Unseen Power—are but the crystallized + embodiment of the national sentiment in time of war; in serving you, and + fulfilling the ideas which you concrete in your journals, we public men + are servants of the general animus, which in its turn serves the blind and + burning instinct of justice. This is eminently satisfactory to me, who + would wish no better fate than to be a humble lackey in that house.” + He had no sooner, however, spoken those words than Joe Petty's + remarks about Public Opinion came back to him, and he added: “But + are you really the general animus, or are you only the animus of Mayors, + that is the question?” + </p> + <p> + The personage seemed to follow this thought with difficulty. “What's + that?” he said. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender ran his hands through his hair. + </p> + <p> + “And turns,” he said, “on what is the unit of national + feeling and intelligence? Is it or is it not a Mayor?” + </p> + <p> + The Personage smiled. “Well, what do you think?” he said. + “Haven't you ever heard them after dinner? There's no + question about it. Make your mind easy if that's your only trouble.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, greatly cheered by the genial certainty in this answer, + said: “I thank you, sir. I shall go back and refute that common + scoffer, that caster of doubts. I have seen the Truth face, to face, and + am greatly encouraged to further public effort. With many apologies I can + now get out,” he added, as the train stopped at South Croydon. + “Blink!” And, followed by his dog, he stepped from the train. + </p> + <p> + The Personage, who was indeed no other than the private secretary of the + private secretary of It whom Mr. Lavender had designated as the Truth + watched him from the window. + </p> + <p> + “Well, that WAS a treat, dear papa!” he murmured to himself, + emitting a sigh of smoke after his retreating interlocutor. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0020" id="link2H_4_0020"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIX + </h2> + <h3> + IS IN PERIL OF THE STREET + </h3> + <p> + On the Sunday following this interview with the Truth Mr. Lavender, who + ever found the day of rest irksome to his strenuous spirit, left his house + after an early supper. It, had been raining all day, but the sinking sun + had now emerged and struck its level light into the tree tops from a still + cloudy distance. Followed by Blink, he threaded the puddled waste which + lies to the west of the Spaniard's Road, nor was it long before the + wild beauty of the scene infected his spirit, and he stood still to admire + the world spread out. The smoke rack of misted rain was still drifting + above the sunset radiance in an apple-green sky; and behind Mr. Lavender, + as he gazed at those clouds symbolical of the world's unrest, a + group of tall, dark pine-trees, wild and witch-like, had collected as if + in audience of his cosmic mood. He formed a striking group for a painter, + with the west wind flinging back his white hair, and fluttering his dark + moustache along his cheeks, while Blink, a little in front of him, pointed + at the prospect and emitted barks whose vigour tossed her charming head + now to this side now to that. + </p> + <p> + “How beautiful is this earth!” thought Mr. Lavender, “and + how simple to be good and happy thereon. Yet must we journey ten leagues + beyond the wide world's end to find justice and liberty. There are + dark powers like lions ever in the path. Yes,” he continued, turning + round to the pinetrees, who were creaking slightly in the wind, “hate + and oppression, greed, lust, and ambition! There you stand malevolently + regarding me. Out upon you, dark witches of evil! If I had but an axe I + would lay you lower than the dust.” But the poor pine-trees paid no + attention save to creak a little louder. And so incensed was Mr. Lavender + by this insensibility on the part of those which his own words had made + him perceive were the powers of darkness that he would very likely have + barked his knuckles on them if Blink by her impatience had not induced him + to resume his walk and mount on to the noble rampart of the Spaniard's + Road. + </p> + <p> + Along this he wandered and down the hill with the countless ghosts and + shadows of his brain, liberating the world in fancy from all the + hindrances which beset the paths of public men, till dark fell, and he was + compelled to turn towards home. Closely attended by the now sobered Blink + he had reached the Tube Station when he perceived in the inky war-time + dusk that a woman was following him. Dimly aware that she was tall and + graceful he hurried to avoid her, but before long could but note that she + was walking parallel and turning her face towards him. Her gloved hand + seemed to make a beckoning movement, and perceiving at once that he was + the object of that predatory instinct which he knew from the many letters + and protests in his journals to be one of the most distressing features of + the War, he would have broken into a run if he had not been travelling + up-hill; being deprived of this means of escape, his public nature + prevailed, and he saw that it was his duty to confront the woman, and + strike a blow at, the national evil stalking beside him. But he was in a + difficulty, for his natural delicacy towards women seemed to preclude him + from treating her as if she were what she evidently was, while his sense + of duty—urged him with equal force to do so. + </p> + <p> + A whiff of delicious scent determined him. “Madam,” he said, + without looking in her face, which, indeed, was not visible—so great + was the darkness, “it is useless to pursue one who not only has the + greatest veneration for women but regards you as a public danger at a time + when all the energies of the country should be devoted to the defeat of + our common enemies.” + </p> + <p> + The woman, uttering a sound like a laugh, edged towards him, and Mr. + Lavender edged away, so that they proceeded up the street crabwise, with + Blink adhering jealously to her master's heels. + </p> + <p> + “Do you know,” said Mr. Lavender, with all the delicacy in his + power, “how terribly subversive of the national effort it is to + employ your beauty and your grace to snare and slacken the sinews of our + glorious youth? The mystery of a woman's glance in times like these + should be used solely to beckon our heroes on to death in the field. But + you, madam, than whom no one indeed has a more mysterious glance, have + turned it to ends which, in the words of a great public man, profane the + temple of our—our——” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender stopped, for his delicacy would not allow him even in so + vital a cause to call bodies bodies. The woman here edged so close that he + bolted across her in affright, and began to slant back towards the + opposite side of the street. + </p> + <p> + “Madam,” he said, “you must have perceived by now that I + am, alas! not privileged by age to be one of the defenders of my country; + and though I am prepared to yield to you, if by so doing I can save some + young hero from his fate, I wish you to clearly understand that only my + sense of duty as a public man would induce me to do any such thing.” + At this he turned his eyes dreadfully upon her graceful form still sidling + towards him, and, conscious again of that delightful scent, felt a + swooning sensation which made him lean against a lamp-post. “Spare + me, madam,” he said in a faint voice, “for my country's + sake I am ready to do anything, but I must tell you that I worship another + of your sex from afar, and if you are a woman you will not seek to make me + besmirch that adoration or imperil my chivalry.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he threw his arms round the lamppost and closed his eyes, + expecting every moment to be drawn away against his will into a life of + vice. + </p> + <p> + A well-known voice, strangled to the pitch almost of inaudibility, said in + his ear: + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Don Pickwixote, Don Pickwixote, you will be the death of me!” + </p> + <p> + Electrified, Mr. Lavender opened his eyes, and in the dull orange rays of + the heavily shaded lamp he saw beside him no other than the writhing, + choking figure of Aurora herself. Shocked beyond measure by the mistake he + had made, Mr. Lavender threw up his hands and bolted past her through the + gateway of his garden; nor did he cease running till he had reached his + bedroom and got under the bed, so terribly was he upset. There, in the + company of Blink, he spent perhaps the most shame-stricken hours of his + existence, cursing the memory of all those bishops and novelists who had + caused him to believe that every woman in a dark street was a danger to + the State; nor could the persuasion of Mrs. Petty or Joe induce him to + come out, so that in despair they were compelled to leave him to pass the + night in this penitential position, which he did without even taking out + his teeth. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0021" id="link2H_4_0021"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XX + </h2> + <h3> + RECEIVES A REVELATION + </h3> + <p> + Fully a week elapsed before Mr. Lavender recovered from the effects of the + night which he had spent under his bed and again took his normal interest + in the course of national affairs. That which at length tore him from his + torpid condition and refixed his imagination was an article in one of, his + journals on the League of Nations, which caused him suddenly to perceive + that this was the most important subject of the day. Carefully extracting + the address of the society who had the matter in hand, he determined to go + down forthwith and learn from their own lips how he could best induce + everybody to join them in their noble undertaking. Shutting every window, + therefore and locking Blink carefully into his study, he set forth and + took the Tube to Charing Cross. + </p> + <p> + Arriving at the premises indicated he made his way in lifts and corridors + till he came to the name of this great world undertaking upon the door of + Room 443, and paused for a moment to recover from the astonishment he felt + that the whole building at least was not occupied by the energies of such + a prodigious association. + </p> + <p> + “Appearances, however, are deceptive,” he thought; “and + from a single grain of mustard-seed whole fields will flower.” He + knocked on the door, therefore, and receiving the reply, “Cub id,” + in a female voice, he entered a room where two young ladies with bad colds + were feebly tapping type-writers. + </p> + <p> + “Can I see the President?” asked Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Dot at the bobent,” said one of the young ladies. “Will + the Secretary do?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Mr. Lavender “for I seek information.” + </p> + <p> + The young ladies indulged in secret confabulation, from which the + perpetual word “He” alone escaped to Mr. Lavender's + ears. + </p> + <p> + Then one of them slipped into an inner room, leaving behind her a powerful + trail of eucalyptus. She came back almost directly, saying, “Go id.” + </p> + <p> + The room which Mr Lavender entered contained two persons, one seated at a + bureau and the other pacing up and down and talking in a powerful bass + voice. He paused, looked at Mr. Lavender from under bushy brows, and at + once went on walking and talking, with a sort of added zest. + </p> + <p> + “This must be He,” thought Mr. Lavender, sitting down to + listen, for there was something about the gentleman which impressed him at + once. He had very large red ears, and hardly a hair on his head, while his + full, bearded face and prominent eyes were full of force and genius. + </p> + <p> + “It won't do a little bit, Titmarsh,” he was saying, + “to allow the politicians to meddle in this racket. We want men of + genius, whose imaginations carry them beyond the facts of the moment. This + is too big a thing for those blasted politicians. They haven't shown + a sign so far of paying attention to what I've been telling them all + this time. We must keep them out, Titmarsh. Machinery without mechanism, + and a change of heart in the world. It's very simple. A single man + of genius from each country, no pettifogging opposition, no petty + prejudices.” + </p> + <p> + The other gentleman, whom Mr. Lavender took for the Secretary, and who was + leaning his head rather wearily on his hand, interjected: “Quite so! + And whom would you choose besides yourself? In France, for instance?” + </p> + <p> + He who was walking stopped a moment, again looked at Mr. Lavender + intently, and again began to speak as if he were not there. + </p> + <p> + “France?” he said. “There isn't anybody—Anatole's + too old—there isn't anybody.” + </p> + <p> + “America, then?” hazarded the Secretary. + </p> + <p> + “America!” replied the other; “they haven't got + even half a man. There's that fellow in Germany that I used to + influence; but I don't know—no, I don't think he'd + be any good.” + </p> + <p> + “D'Annunzio, surely——” began the Secretary. + </p> + <p> + “D'Annunzio? My God! D'Annunzio! No! There's + nobody in Italy or Holland—she's as bankrupt as Spain; and + there's not a cat in Austria. Russia might, perhaps, give us + someone, but I can't at the moment think of him. No, Titmarsh, it's + difficult.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender had been growing more and more excited at each word he + overheard, for a scheme of really stupendous proportions was shaping + itself within him. He suddenly rose, and said: “I have an idea.” + </p> + <p> + The Secretary sat up as if he had received a Faradic shock, and he who was + walking up and down stood still. “The deuce you have, sir,” he + said. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” cried Mr. Lavender and in concentration and marvellous + simplicity, “it has, I am sure, never been surpassed. It is clear to + me, sir, that you, and you alone, must be this League of Nations. For if + it is entirely in your hands there will be no delay. The plan will spring + full fledged from the head of Jove, and this great and beneficial change + in the lot of mankind will at once become an accomplished fact. There will + be no need for keeping in touch with human nature, no call for patience + and all that laborious upbuilding stone by stone which is so apt to + discourage mankind and imperil the fruition of great reforms. No, sir; you—you + must be this League, and we will all work to the end that tomorrow at + latest there may be perfected this crowning achievement of the human + species.” + </p> + <p> + The gentleman, who had commenced to walk again, looked furtively from Mr. + Lavender to the Secretary, and said: + </p> + <p> + “By Jingo! some idea!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” cried Mr. Lavender, entranced that his grand notion + should be at once accepted; “for it is only men like you who can + both soaringly conceive and immediately concrete in action; and, what is + more, there will be no fear of your tiring of this job and taking up + another, for you will be IT; and one cannot change oneself.” + </p> + <p> + The gentleman looked at Mr. Lavender very suddenly at the words “tiring + of this job,” and transferred his gaze to the Secretary, who had + bent his face down to his papers, and was smothering a snigger with his + hand. + </p> + <p> + “Who are you, sir?” he said sharply. + </p> + <p> + “Merely one,” returned Mr. Lavender, “who wishes to do + all in his power to forward a project so fraught with beneficence to all + mankind. I count myself fortunate beyond measure to have come here this + morning and found the very Heart of the matter, the grain of mustard-seed.” + </p> + <p> + The gentleman, who had begun to walk again, here muttered words which + would have sounded like “Damned impudence” if Mr. Lavender had + not been too utterly carried away by his idea to hear them. + </p> + <p> + “I shall go forth at once,” he said, “and make known the + good tidings that the fields are sown, the League formed. Henceforth there + are no barriers between nations, and the reign of perpetual Peace is + assured. It is colossal.” + </p> + <p> + The gentleman abruptly raised his boot, but, seeming to think better of + it, lowered it again, and turned away to the window. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, having bowed to his back, went out, and, urged on by his + enthusiasm, directed his steps at once towards Trafalgar Square. + </p> + <p> + Arriving at this hub of the universe he saw that Chance was on his side, + for a meeting was already in progress, and a crowd of some forty persons + assembled round one of the lions. Owing to his appearance Mr. Lavender was + able without opposition to climb up on the plinth and join the speaker, a + woman of uncertain years. He stood there awaiting his turn and preparing + his oration, while she continued her discourse, which seemed to be a + protest against any interference with British control of the freedom of + the seas. A Union Jack happened to be leaning against the monument, and + when she had at last finished, Mr. Lavender seized it and came forward to + the edge. + </p> + <p> + “Great tidings!” he said at once, waving the flag, and without + more ado plunged into an oration, which, so far as it went, must certainly + be ranked among his masterpieces. “Great tidings, Friends! I have + planted the grain of mustard seed or, in common parlance, have just come + from the meeting which has incepted the League of Nations; and it will be + my task this morning briefly to make known to you the principles which in + future must dominate the policy of the world. Since it is for the closer + brotherhood of man and the reign of perpetual peace that we are + struggling, we must first secure the annihilation of our common enemies. + Those members of the human race whose infamies have largely placed them + beyond the pale must be eliminated once for all.” + </p> + <p> + Loud cheers greeted this utterance, and stimulated by the sound Mr. + Lavender proceeded: “What, however, must the civilized nations do + when at last they have clean sheets? In the first place, all petty + prejudices and provincial aspirations must be set aside; and though the + world must be firmly founded upon the principle of nationality it must + also act as one great people. This, my fellow-countrymen, is no mere + contradiction in terms, for though in their new solidarities each nation + will be prouder of itself, and more jealous of its good name and + independence than ever, that will not prevent its' sacrificing its + inalienable rights for the good of the whole human nation of which it is a + member. Friends, let me give you a simple illustration, which in a + nutshell will make the whole thing clear. We, here in Britain, are justly + proud and tenacious of our sea power—in the words of the poet, + 'We hold all the gates of the water.' Now it is abundantly and + convincingly plain that this reinforced principle of nationality bids us + to retain and increase them, while internationalism bids us give—them + up.” + </p> + <p> + His audience—which had hitherto listened with open mouths, here + closed them, and a strident voice exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Give it a name, gov'nor. D'you say we ought to give up + Gib?” + </p> + <p> + This word pierced Mr. Lavender, standing where he was, to the very marrow, + and he fell into such confusion of spirit that his words became inaudible. + </p> + <p> + “My God!” he thought, appalled; “is it possible that I + have not got to the bottom of this question?” And, turning his back + on the audience, he gazed in a sort of agony at the figure of Nelson + towering into the sky above him. He was about to cry out piteously: + “Countrymen, I know not what I think. Oh! I am unhappy!” when + he inadvertently stepped back over the edge of the plinth, and, still + entangled in the flag, was picked up by two policemen and placed in a + dazed condition and a deserted spot opposite the National Gallery. + </p> + <p> + It was while he was standing there, encircled by, pigeons and forgotten by + his fellow man, that there came to him a spiritual revelation. “Strange!” + he thought; “I notice a certain inconsistency in myself, and even in + my utterances. I am two men, one of whom is me and one not me; and the one + which is not me is the one which causes me to fall into the arms of + policemen and other troubles. The one which is me loves these pigeons, and + desires to live quietly with my dog, not considering public affairs, + which, indeed, seem to be suited to persons of another sort. Whence, then, + comes the one which is not me? Can it be that it is derived from the + sayings and writings of others, and is but a spurious spirit only meet to + be outcast? Do I, to speak in the vernacular, care any buttons whether we + stick to Gibraltar or not so long as men do but live in kindness? And if + that is so, have I the right to say I do? Ought I not, rather, to be true + to my private self and leave the course of public affairs to those who + have louder voices and no private selves?” The thought was extremely + painful, for it seemed to disclose to him grave inconsistency in the + recent management of his life. And, thoroughly mortified, he turned round + with a view of entering the National Gallery and soothing his spirit with + art, when he was arrested by the placard which covered it announcing which + town had taken which sum of bonds. This lighted up such a new vista of + public utility that his brain would certainly have caught fire again if + one of the policemen who had conducted him across the Square had not + touched him on the arm, and said: + </p> + <p> + “How are you now, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “I am pretty well, thank you, policeman,” replied Mr. + Lavender, “and sorry that I occasioned so much disturbance.” + </p> + <p> + “Don't mention it, sir,” answered the policeman; “you + came a nasty crump.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me,” said Mr. Lavender, suddenly looking up into his + face, “do you consider that a man is justified in living a private + life? For, as regards my future, it is largely on your opinion that I + shall act.” + </p> + <p> + The policeman, whose solid face showed traces of astonishment, answered + slowly: “As a general thing, a man's private life don't + bear lookin' into, as you know, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “I have not lived one for some time,” said Mr. Lavender. + </p> + <p> + “Well,” remarked the policeman, “if you take my advice + you won't try it a-gain. I should say you 'adn't the + constitution.” + </p> + <p> + “I fear you do not catch my meaning,” returned Mr. Lavender, + whose whole body was aching from his fall; “it is my public life + which tries me.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, I should chuck it,” said the policeman. + </p> + <p> + “Really?” murmured Mr. Lavender eagerly, “would you?” + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” said the policeman. + </p> + <p> + So excited was Mr. Lavender by this independent confirmation of his sudden + longing that he took out half a crown. + </p> + <p> + “You will oblige me greatly,” he said, “by accepting + this as a token of my gratitude.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, I'll humour you,” answered the policeman; + “though it was no trouble, I'm sure; you're as light as + a feather. Goin' anywhere in particular?” he added. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Lavender, rather faintly, “the Tube + Station.” + </p> + <p> + “Come along with me, then.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender went along, not sorry to have the protection of that stalwart + form, for his nerve was shaken, not so much by physical suffering as by + the revelation he had received. + </p> + <p> + “If you'll take my tip, sir,” said the policeman, + parting from him, “you won't try no private life again; you + don't look strong.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, policeman,” said Mr. Lavender musingly; “it + is kind of you to take an interest in me. Good-bye!” + </p> + <p> + Safely seated in the Tube for Hampstead he continued the painful struggle + of his meditations. “If, indeed,” he thought, “as a + public man I do more harm than good, I am prepared to sacrifice all for my + country's sake and retire into private life. But the policeman said + that would be dangerous for me. What, then, is left? To live neither a + public nor a private life!” + </p> + <p> + This thought, at once painful and heroic, began to take such hold of him + that he arrived at his house in a high fever of the brain. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0022" id="link2H_4_0022"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XXI + </h2> + <h3> + AND ASCENDS TO PARADISE + </h3> + <p> + Now when Mr. Lavender once slept over an idea it became so strong that no + power on earth could prevent his putting it into execution, and all night + long he kept Blink awake by tramping up and down his bedroom and planning + the details of such a retirement as would meet his unfortunate case. For + at once he perceived that to retire from both his lives without making the + whole world know of it would be tantamount to not retiring. “Only by + a public act,” he thought, “of so striking a character that + nobody can miss it can I bring the moral home to all public and private + men.” And a hundred schemes swarmed like ants in his brain. Nor was + it till the cock crew that one adequate to this final occasion occurred to + him. + </p> + <p> + “It will want very careful handling,” he thought, “for + otherwise I shall be prevented, and perhaps even arrested in the middle, + which will be both painful and ridiculous. So sublime, however, was his + idea that he shed many tears over it, and often paused in his tramping to + regard the unconscious Blink with streaming eyes. All the next day he went + about the house and heath taking a last look at objects which had been + dear, and at mealtimes ate and drank even less than usual, absorbed by the + pathos of his coming renunciation. He determined to make his preparations + for the final act during the night, when Mrs. Petty would be prevented by + Joe's snoring from hearing the necessary sounds; and at supper he + undertook the delicate and harrowing task of saying good-bye to, his + devoted housekeeper without letting her know that he, was doing it. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs—Petty,” he said, trifling with a morsel of cheese, + “it is useless to disguise, from you that I may be going a journey, + and I feel that I shall not be able to part from all the care you have, + bestowed on me without recording in words my heartfelt appreciation of + your devotion. I shall miss it, I shall miss it terribly, if, that is, I + am permitted to miss anything.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Petty, whose mind instantly ran to his bed socks, answered: “Don't + you worry, sir; I won't forget them. But wherever are you going now?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Mr. Lavender subtly, “it is all in the air at + present; but now that the lime-trees are beginning to smell a certain + restlessness is upon me, and you may see some change in my proceedings. + Whatever happens to me, however, I commit my dear Blink to your care; feed + her as if she were myself, and love her as if she were Joe, for it is + largely on food and affection that dogs depend for happiness. + </p> + <p> + “Why, good gracious, sir,” said Mrs. Petty, “you talk as + if you were going for a month of Sundays. Are you thinking of Eastbourne?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender sighed deeply at that word, for the memory of a town where he + had spent many happy days added to the gentle melancholy of his feelings + on this last evening. + </p> + <p> + “As regards that I shall not inform you at present; for, indeed, I + am by no means certain what my destination will be. Largely speaking, no + pub—public man,” he stammered, doubtful whether he was any + longer that, “knows where he will be going to-morrow. Sufficient + unto the day are the intentions in his head. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir,” said Mrs. Petty frankly, “you can't + go anywhere without Joe or me, that's flat.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender smiled. + </p> + <p> + “Dear Mrs. Petty,” he murmured, “there are sacrifices + one cannot demand even of the most faithful friends. But,” he went + on with calculated playfulness, “we need not consider that point + until the day after to-morrow at least, for I have much to do in the + meantime.” + </p> + <p> + Reassured by those words and the knowledge that Mr. Lavender's plans + seldom remained the same for more than two days, Mrs. Petty tossed her + head slightly and went to the door. “Well, it is a mystery, I'm + sure,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “I should like to see Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, with a + lingering look at his devoted housekeeper. + </p> + <p> + “The beauty!” muttered Mrs. Petty; “I'll send him,” + and withdrew. + </p> + <p> + Giving the morsel of cheese to Blink, who, indeed, had eaten practically + the whole of this last meal, Mr. Lavender took the moon-cat on his + shoulder, and abandoned himself for a moment to the caresses of his two + favourites. + </p> + <p> + “Blink,” he said in a voice which trembled slightly, “be + good to this moon-cat while I am away; and if I am longer than you expect, + darling, do not be unhappy. Perhaps some day you will rejoin me; and even + if we are not destined to meet again, I would not, in the fashion of cruel + men, wish to hinder your second marriage, or to stand in the way of your + happy forgetfulness of me. Be as light-hearted as you can, my dear, and + wear no mourning for your master.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he flung his arms round her, and embraced her warmly, inhaling + with the most poignant emotion her sheep-like odour. He was still engaged + with her when the door was opened, and Joe came in. + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender resolutely, “sit down and light + your pipe. You will find a bottle of pre-war port in the sideboard. Open + it, and, drink my health; indeed, I myself will drink it too, for it may + give me courage. We have been good friends, Joe,” he went on while + Joe was drawing the cork, “and have participated in pleasant and + sharp adventures. I have called you in at this moment, which may some day + seem to you rather solemn, partly to shake your hand and partly to resume + the discussion on public men which we held some days ago, if you remember.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said Joe, with his habitual insouciance, “when I + told you that they give me the 'ump.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, what abaht it, sir? 'Ave they been sayin' anything + particular vicious?” His face flying up just then with the cork + which he was extracting encountered the expression on Mr. Lavender's + visage, and he added: “Don't take wot I say to 'eart, + sir; try as you like you'll never be a public man.” + </p> + <p> + Those words, which seemed to Mr. Lavender to seal his doom, caused a faint + pink flush to invade his cheeks. + </p> + <p> + “No,” continued Joe, pouring out the wine; “you 'aven't + got the brass in times like these. I dare say you've noticed, sir, + that the times is favourable for bringing out the spots on the body + politic. 'Ere's 'ealth!” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, raising the glass to his lips with + solemnity, “I wish you a most happy and prosperous life. Let us + drink to all those qualities which make you par excellence one of that + great race, the best hearted in the world, which never thinks of + to-morrow, never knows when it is beaten, and seldom loses its sense of + humour. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” returned Joe enigmatically, half-closing one of his + greenish eyes, and laying the glass to one side of his reddish nose. Then, + with a quick movement, he swallowed its contents and refilled it before + Mr. Lavender had succeeded in absorbing more than a drop. + </p> + <p> + “I don't say,” he continued, “but what there's + a class o' public man that's got its uses, like the little + 'un that keeps us all alive, or the perfect English gentleman what + did his job, and told nobody nothin' abaht it. You can 'ave + confidence in a man like that——that's why 'e's + gone an' retired; 'e's civilized, you see, the finished + article; but all this raw material, this 'get-on' or 'get-out' + lot, that's come from 'oo knows where, well, I wish they'd + stayed there with their tell-you-how-to-do-it and their 'ymns of + 'ate.” + </p> + <p> + “Joe,” said Mr. Lavender, “are you certain that therein + does not speak the snob inherent in the national bosom? Are you not + unconsciously paying deference to the word gentleman?” + </p> + <p> + “Why not, sir?” replied Joe, tossing off his second glass. + “It'd be a fine thing for the country if we was all gentlemen—straight, + an' a little bit stupid, and 'ad 'alf a thought for + others.” And he refilled his master's glass. “I don't + measure a gentleman by 'is money, or 'is title, not even by + 'is clothes—I measure 'im by whether he can stand + 'avin' power in 'is 'ands without gettin' + unscrupled or swollen 'eaded, an' whether 'e can do what + he thinks right without payin' attention, to clamour. But, mind you, + 'e's got to 'ave right thoughts too, and a feelin' + 'eart. 'Ere's luck, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender, who, absorbed in his chauffeur's sentiments, had now + drunk two glasses, rose from his, chair, and clutching his hair said: + “I will not conceal from you, Joe, that I have always assumed every + public man came up to that standard, at least.” + </p> + <p> + “Crikey said Joe. 'Ave you really, sir? My Gawd! Got any use + for the rest of this bottle?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Joe, no. I shall never have use for a bottle again.” + </p> + <p> + “In that case I might as well,” said Joe, pouring what + remained into a tumbler and drinking it off. “Is there any other + topic you'd like to mention? If I can 'ave any influence on + you, I shall be very glad.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you, Joe,” returned Mr. Lavender, “what I have + most need of at this moment is solitude and your good wishes. And will you + kindly take Blink away, and when she has had her run, place her in my + bedroom, with the window closed. Good-night, Joe. Call me late tomorrow + morning. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly, sir. Good-night, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Good-night, Joe. Shake hands.” + </p> + <p> + When Joe was gone, accompanied by the unwilling Blink, turning her + beautiful dark eyes back to the last, Mr. Lavender sat down at his bureau, + and drawing a sheet of paper to him, wrote at the top of it. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “My last Will and Testament.” + </pre> + <p> + It was a long time before he got further, and then entirely omitted to + leave anything in it, completely preoccupied by the preamble, which + gradually ran as follows: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I, John Lavender, make known to all men by these presents that the + act which I contemplate is symbolical, and must in no sense be taken + as implying either weariness of life or that surrender to misfortune + which is unbecoming to an English public gentleman.” (Over this + description of himself Mr. Lavender was obliged to pause some time + hovering between the two designations, and finally combining them as + the only way out of his difficulty.) “Long and painful experience + has convinced me that only by retiring from the former can I retain + the latter character, and only by retiring from both can I point the + moral ever demanded by my countrymen. Conscious, indeed, that a + mere act of private resignation would have no significance to the + body politic, nor any deflecting influence on the national life, I + have chosen rather to disappear in blue flame, so that every + Englishman may take to heart my lesson, and learn from my strange + fate how to be himself uninfluenced by the verbiage of others. At + the same time, with the utmost generosity, I wish to acknowledge in + full my debt towards all those great writers and speakers on the war + who have exercised so intoxicating an influence on my mind.” (Here + followed an alphabetical list of names beginning with B and ending + with S.) + + “I wish to be dissociated firmly from the views of my chauffeur Joe + Petty, and to go to my last account with an emphatic assertion that + my failure to become a perfect public gentleman is due to private + idiosyncrasies rather than to any conviction that it is impossible, + or to anything but admiration of the great men I have mentioned. If + anybody should wish to paint me after I am dead, I desire that I may + be represented with my face turned towards the Dawn; for it is at + that moment so symptomatic of a deep adoration—which I would scorn + to make the common property of gossiping tongues—that I intend to + depart. If there should be anything left of me—which is less than + probable considering the inflammatory character of the material I + design for my pyre—I would be obliged if, without giving anybody + any trouble, it could be buried in my garden, with the usual + Hampstead tablet. + + “'JOHN LAVENDER, + THE PUBLIC MAN, WHO DIED FOR HIS + COUNTRY'S GOOD, LIVED HERE.' + + “In conclusion, I would say a word to that land I have loved and + served: 'Be not extreme! Distrust the words, of others. To + yourself be true! As you are strong be gentle, as you are brave be + modest! Beloved country, farewell!'” + </pre> + <p> + Having written that final sentence he struggled long with himself before + he could lay down the pen. But by this time the port he had drunk had + begun to have its usual effect, and he fell into a doze, from which he was + awakened five hours later by the beams of a full moon striking in on him. + </p> + <p> + “The hour has come,” he thought, and, opening the + French-window, he went out on to the lawn, where the dew lay white. The + freshness in the air, the glamour of the moonlight, and the fumes of the + port combined to make him feel strangely rhumantic, and if he had + possessed a musical instrument he would very likely have begun to play on + it. He spent some moments tracking to and fro in the dew before he settled + on the centre of the lawn as the most suitable spot for the act which he + contemplated, for thence he would be able to turn his last looks towards + Aurora's bedroom-window without interference from foliage. Having + drawn a twelve-foot circle in the dew with his toe he proceeded in the + bright moonlight to the necessary accumulation of his funeral pile, + conveying from his study, book by book, journal by journal, pamphlet by + pamphlet, the hoarded treasures of the last four years; and as he + carefully placed each one, building up at once a firm and cunning + structure, he gave a little groan, thinking of the intoxications of the + past, and all the glorious thoughts embodied in that literature. + Underneath, in the heart of the pile, he reserved a space for the most + inflammable material, which he selected from a special file of a special + journal, and round the circumference of the lofty and tapering mound he + carefully deposited the two hundred and four war numbers of a certain + weekly, so that a ring of flame might lick well up the sides and permeate + the more solid matter on which he would be sitting. For two hours he + worked in the waning moonlight till he had completed this weird and heroic + erection; and just before the dawn, sat down by the light of the candle + with which he meant to apply the finishing touch, to compose that + interview with himself whereby he intended to convey to the world the + message of his act. + </p> + <p> + “I found him,” he began, in the words of the interviewer, + “sitting upon a journalistic pile of lovely leaves of thought, which + in the dawning of a new day glowed with a certain restrained flamboyance, + as though the passion stored within those exotic pages gave itself + willingly to the 'eclaircissement' of the situation, and of + his lineaments on which suffering had already set their stamp. + </p> + <p> + “'I should like you,' I said, approaching as near as I + could, for the sparks, like little fireflies on a Riviera evening, were + playing profoundly round my trousers, 'I should like to hear from + your own lips the reasons which have caused you to resign.' + </p> + <p> + “'Certainly,' he replied, with the courtesy which I have + always found characteristic of him in moments which would try the suavity + of more ordinary men; and with the utmost calm and clarity he began to + tell me the inner workings of his mind, while the growing dawn-light + irradiated his wasted and expressive features, and the flames slowly + roasted his left boot. + </p> + <p> + “'Yes,' he said quietly, and his eyes turned inwards, + 'I have at last seen the problem clearly, and seen it whole. It is + largely because of this that I have elected to seek the seclusion of + another world. What that world contains for me I know not, though so many + public men have tried to tell me; but it has never been my way to recoil + from the Unknown, and I am ready for my journey beyond the wide world's + end.' + </p> + <p> + “I was greatly struck by the large-hearted way in which he spoke + those words, and I interrupted him to ask whether he did not think that + there was something fundamental in the British character which would leap + as one man at such an act of daring sacrifice and great adventure. + </p> + <p> + “'As regards that,' he replied fearlessly, while in the + light of the ever-brightening dawn I could, see the suspender on his right + leg gradually charring, so that he must already have been in great pain, + 'as regards that, it is largely the proneness of the modern British + to leap to verbal extremity which is inducing me to afford them this + object-lesson in restraint and commonsense. Ouch!' + </p> + <p> + “This momentary ejaculation seemed to escape him in spite of all his + iron control; and the smell of burning flesh brought home to me as nothing + else, perhaps, could have done the tortures he must have been suffering. + </p> + <p> + “'I feel,' he went on very gravely, 'that + extravagance of word and conduct is fatal to my country, and having so + profoundly experienced its effects upon myself, I am now endeavouring by a + shining example to supply a remedy for a disease which is corroding the + vitals and impairing the sanity of my countrymen and making them a race of + second-hand spiritual drunkards. Ouch!' + </p> + <p> + “I confess that at this moment the tears started to my eyes, for a + more sublime show than the spectacle of this devoted man slowly roasting + himself to death before my eyes for the good of his country I had seldom + seen. It had a strange, an appalling interest, and for nothing on earth + could I have torn my gaze away. I now realized to the full for the first + time the will-power and heroism of the human species, and I rejoiced with + a glorious new feeling that I was of the same breed as this man, made of + such stern stuff that not even a tear rolled down his cheeks to quench the + flames that leaped around him ever higher and higher. And the dawn came up + in the eastern sky; and I knew that a great day was preparing for mankind; + and with my eyes fixed upon him as he turned blacker and blacker I let my + heart loose in a great thanksgiving that I had lived to see this moment. + It was then that he cried out in a loud voice: + </p> + <p> + “'I call Aurora to witness that I have died without a falter, + grasping a burning spear, to tilt at the malpractice which has sent me + mad!' And I saw that he held in his fast-consuming hand a long roll + of journals sharpened to a point of burning flame. + </p> + <p> + “'Aurora!' he cried again, and with that enigmatic word + on his lips was incinerated in the vast and towering belch of the + devouring element. + </p> + <p> + “It was among the most inspiring sights I have ever witnessed.” + </p> + <p> + When Mr. Lavender had completed that record, whose actuality and wealth of + moving detail had greatly affected him, and marked it “For the + Press-Immediate,” he felt very cold. It was, in fact, that hour of + dawn when a shiver goes through the world; and, almost with pleasurable + anticipation he took up his lighted candle and stole shivering out to his + pile, rising ghostly to the height of some five feet in the middle of the + dim lawn whereon a faint green tinge was coming with the return of + daylight. Having reached it, he walked round it twice, and readjusted four + volumes of the history of the war as stepping-stones to the top; then + lowering the candle, whose flame burned steadily in the stillness, he + knelt down in the grey dew and set fire to an article in a Sunday paper. + Then, sighing deeply, he returned to his little ladder and, with some + difficulty preserving his balance, mounted to the top, and sat down with + his legs towards the house and his eyes fixed on Aurora's + bedroom-window. He had been there perhaps ten minutes before he realized + that nothing was happening below him, and, climbing down again, proceeded + to the aperture where he had inserted the burning print. There, by the now + considerable daylight, he saw that the flame had gone out at the words + “The Stage is now set for the last act of this colossal world drama.” + And convinced that Providence had intended that heartening sentence to + revive his somewhat drooping courage, he thought, “I, too, shall be + making history this morning,” and relighting the journal, went on + his hands and knees and began manfully to blow the flames.... + </p> + <p> + Now the young lady in the adjoining castle, who had got out of bed, + happened, as she sometimes did, to go to the window for a look at the sun + rising over Parliament Hill. Attracted by the smell of burning paper she + saw Mr. Lavender in this act of blowing up the flames. + </p> + <p> + “What on earth is the poor dear doing now?” she thought. + “This is really the limit!” And slipping on her slippers and + blue dressing-gown she ensconced herself behind the curtain to await + developments. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Lavender had now backed away from the flames at which he had been + blowing, and remained on his hands and knees, apparently assuring himself + that they had really obtained hold. He then rose, and to her intense + surprise began climbing up on to the pile. She watched him at first with + an amused astonishment, so ludicrous was his light little figure, crowned + by stivered-up white hair, and the expression of eager melancholy on his + thin, high-cheekboned face upturned towards her window. Then, to her + dismay, she saw that the flame had really caught, and, suddenly persuaded + that he had some crazy intention of injuring himself with the view, + perhaps, of attracting her attention, she ran out of her room and down the + stairs, and emerging from the back door just as she was, circled her + garden, so that she might enter Mr. Lavender's garden from behind + him, ready for any eventuality. She arrived within arm's reach of + him without his having heard her, for Blink, whose anxious face as she + watched her master wasting, could be discerned at the bedroom-window, was + whining, and Mr. Lavender himself had now broken into a strange and + lamentable chantey, which, in combination with the creeping flutter of the + flames in the weekly journals encircling the base of the funeral pyre, + well-nigh made her blood curdle. + </p> + <p> + “Aurora,” sang Mr. Lavender, in that most dolorous voice, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Aurora, my heart I bring, + For I know well it will not burn, + Oh! when the leaves puff out in Spring + And when the leaves in Autumn turn + Think, think of me! + Aurora, I pass away! + Upon my horse of air I ride; + Here let my grizzled ashes stay, + But take, ah! take my heart inside! + Aurora! Aurora!” + </pre> + <p> + At this moment, just as a fit of the most uncontrollable laughter was + about to seize her, she saw a flame which had just consumed the word + Horatio reach Mr. Lavender's right calf. + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” he cried out in desperate tones, stretching up his arms + to the sky. “Now is my hour come! Sweet-sky, open and let me see her + face! Behold! behold her with the eyes of faith. It is enough. Courage, + brother; let me now consume in silence!” So saying, he folded his + arm tightly across his breast and closed his lips. The flame rising to the + bottom of the weekly which had indeed been upside down, here nipped him + vigorously, so that with a wholly unconscious movement he threw up his + little legs, and, losing his balance, fell backwards into the arms of + Aurora, watchfully outstretched to receive him. Uplifted there, close to + that soft blue bosom away from the reek of the flame, he conceived that he + was consumed and had passed already from his night of ghosts and shadows + into the arms of the morning, and through his swooning lips came forth the + words: + </p> + <p> + “I am in Paradise.” + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Burning Spear, by John Galsworthy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE BURNING SPEAR *** + +***** This file should be named 2905-h.htm or 2905-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/0/2905/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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