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diff --git a/28495.txt b/28495.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7e87512 --- /dev/null +++ b/28495.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1841 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Scally, by Ian Hay + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Scally + The Story of a Perfect Gentleman + + +Author: Ian Hay + + + +Release Date: April 4, 2009 [eBook #28495] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SCALLY*** + + +E-text prepared by Juliet Sutherland, Emmy, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustration. + See 28495-h.htm or 28495-h.zip: + (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/4/9/28495/28495-h/28495-h.htm) + or + (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/4/9/28495/28495-h.zip) + + + + + +SCALLY + +The Story of a Perfect Gentleman + +by + +IAN HAY + + * * * * * + +By Ian Hay + + SCALLY: THE STORY OF A PERFECT GENTLEMAN. With Frontispiece. + A KNIGHT ON WHEELS. + HAPPY-GO-LUCKY. Illustrated by Charles E. Brock. + A SAFETY MATCH. With frontispiece. + A MAN'S MAN. With frontispiece. + THE RIGHT STUFF. With frontispiece. + + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE LEADING OBJECT PROVED TO BE A SMALL, WET, SHIVERING, +WHIMPERING PUPPY] + + +SCALLY + +The Story of a Perfect Gentleman + +by + +IAN HAY + + + + + + +[Illustration] + + +Boston and New York +Houghton Mifflin Company +MDCCCCXV + +Copyright, 1914, by the Curtis Publishing Company +Copyright, 1915, by Ian Hay Beith +All Rights Reserved + +Published November 1915 + + + + +SCALLY + + + + +SCALLY + +THE STORY OF A PERFECT GENTLEMAN + + + + +I + + +"BETTERSEA trem? Right, miss!" My wife, who has been married long +enough to feel deeply gratified at being mistaken for a maiden lady, +smiled seraphically at the conductor, and allowed herself to be hoisted +up the steps of the majestic vehicle provided by a paternal county +council to convey passengers--at a loss to the ratepayers, I +understand--from the Embankment to Battersea. + +Presently we ground our way round a curve and began to cross Westminster +Bridge. The conductor, whose innate cockney bonhomie his high official +position had failed to eradicate, presented himself before us and +collected our fares. + +"What part of Bettersea did you require, sir?" he asked of me. + +I coughed and answered evasively:-- + +"Oh, about the middle." + +"We haven't been there before," added my wife, quite gratuitously. + +The conductor smiled indulgently and punched our tickets. + +"I'll tell you when to get down," he said, and left us. + +For some months we had been considering the question of buying a dog, +and a good deal of our spare time--or perhaps I should say of my spare +time, for a woman's time is naturally all her own--had been pleasantly +occupied in discussing the matter. Having at length committed ourselves +to the purchase of the animal, we proceeded to consider such details as +breed, sex, and age. + +My wife vacillated between a bloodhound, because bloodhounds are so +aristocratic in appearance, and a Pekinese, because they are _dernier +cri_. We like to be _dernier cri_ even in Much Moreham. Her younger +sister, Eileen, who spends a good deal of time with us, having no +parents of her own, suggested an Old English sheep dog, explaining that +it would be company for my wife when I was away from home. I coldly +recommended a mastiff. + +Our son John, aged three, on being consulted, expressed a preference for +twelve tigers in a box, and was not again invited to participate in the +debate. + +Finally we decided on an Aberdeen terrier, of an age and sex to be +settled by circumstances, and I was instructed to communicate with a +gentleman in the North who advertised in our morning paper that Aberdeen +terriers were his specialty. In due course we received a reply. The +advertiser recommended two animals--namely, Celtic Chief, aged four +months, and Scotia's Pride, aged one year. Pedigrees were inclosed, each +about as complicated as the family tree of the House of Hapsburg; and +the favor of an early reply was requested, as both dogs were being hotly +bid for by an anonymous client in Constantinople. + +The price of Celtic Chief was twenty guineas; that of Scotia's Pride, +for reasons heavily underlined in the pedigree, was twenty-seven. The +advertiser, who resided in Aberdeen, added that these prices did not +cover cost of carriage. We decided not to stand in the way of the +gentleman in Constantinople, and having sent back the pedigrees by +return of post, resumed the debate. + +Finally Stella, my wife, said:-- + +"We don't really want a dog with a pedigree. We only want something that +will bark at beggars and be gentle with baby. Why not go to the Home for +Lost Dogs at Battersea? I believe you can get any dog you like there for +five shillings. We will run up to town next Wednesday and see about +it--and I might get some clothes as well." + +Hence our presence on the tram. + +Presently the conductor, who had kindly pointed out to us such objects +of local interest as the River Thames and the Houses of Parliament, +stopped the tram in a crowded thoroughfare and announced that we were in +Battersea. + +"Alight here," he announced facetiously, "for 'Ome for Lost Dawgs!" + +Guiltily realizing that there is many a true word spoken in jest, we +obeyed him, and the tram went rocking and whizzing out of sight. We had +eschewed a cab. + +"When you are only going to pay five shillings for a dog," my wife had +pointed out, with convincing logic, "it is silly to go and pay perhaps +another five shillings for a cab. It doubles the price of the dog at +once. If we had been buying an expensive dog we might have taken a cab; +but not for a five-shilling one." + +"Now," I inquired briskly, "how are we going to find this place?" + +"Haven't you any idea where it is?" + +"No. I have a sort of vague notion that it is on an island in the middle +of the river, called the Isle of Dogs, or Barking Reach, or something +like that. However, I have no doubt--" + +"Hadn't we better ask some one?" suggested Stella. + +I demurred. + +"If there is one thing I dislike," I said, "it is accosting total +strangers and badgering them for information they don't possess--not +that that will prevent them from giving it. If we start asking the way +we shall find ourselves in Putney or Woolwich in no time!" + +"Yes, dear," said Stella soothingly. + +"Now I suggest--" My hand went to my pocket. + +"No, darling," interposed my wife, hastily; "not a map, please!" It is a +curious psychological fact that women have a constitutional aversion to +maps and railroad time-tables. They would rather consult a half-witted +errand boy or a deaf railroad porter. "Do not let us make a spectacle of +ourselves in the public streets again! I have not yet forgotten the day +when you tried to find the Crystal Palace. Besides, it will only blow +away. Ask that dear little boy there. He is looking at us so wistfully." + +Yes; I admit it was criminal folly. A man who asks a London street boy +to be so kind as to direct him to a Home for Lost Dogs has only himself +to thank for the consequence. + +The wistful little boy smiled up at us. He had a pinched face and large +eyes. + +"Lost Dogs' 'Ome, sir?" he said courteously. "It's a good long way. Do +you want to get there quick?" + +"Yes." + +"Then if I was you, sir," replied the infant, edging to the mouth of an +alleyway, "I should bite a policeman!" And, with an ear-splitting yell, +he vanished. + +We walked on, hot-faced. + +"Little wretch!" said Stella. + +"We simply asked for it," I rejoined. "What are we going to do next?" + +My question was answered in a most incredible fashion, for at this +moment a man emerged from a shop on our right and set off down the +street before us. He wore a species of uniform; and emblazoned on the +front of his hat was the information that he was an official of the +Battersea Home for Lost and Starving Dogs. + +"Wait a minute and I will ask him," I said, starting forward. + +But my wife would not hear of it. + +"Certainly not," she replied. "If we ask him he will simply offer to +show us the way. Then we shall have to talk to him--about hydrophobia, +and lethal chambers, and distemper--and it may be for miles. I simply +couldn't bear it! We shall have to tip him, too. Let us follow him +quietly." + +To those who have never attempted to track a fellow creature +surreptitiously through the streets of London on a hot day, the feat may +appear simple. It is in reality a most exhausting, dilatory, and +humiliating exercise. Our difficulty lay not so much in keeping our +friend in sight as in avoiding frequent and unexpected collisions with +him. The general idea, as they say on field days, was to keep about +twenty yards behind him; but under certain circumstances distance has an +uncanny habit of annihilating itself. The man himself was no hustler. +Once or twice he stopped to light his pipe or converse with a friend. + +During these interludes Stella and I loafed guiltily on the pavement, +pointing out to one another objects of local interest with the fatuous +officiousness of people in the foreground of hotel advertisements. +Occasionally he paused to contemplate the contents of a shop window. We +gazed industriously into the window next door. Our first window, I +recollect, was an undertaker's, with ready-printed expressions of grief +for sale on white porcelain disks. We had time to read them all. The +next was a butcher's. Here we stayed, perforce, so long that the +proprietor, who was of the tribe that disposes of its wares almost +entirely by personal canvass, came out into the street and endeavored to +sell us a bullock's heart. + +Our quarry's next proceeding was to dive into a public house. We turned +and surveyed one another. + +"What are we to do now?" inquired my wife. + +"Go inside, too," I replied with more enthusiasm than I had hitherto +displayed. "At least, I think I ought to. You can please yourself." + +"I will not be left in the street," said Stella firmly. "We must just +wait here together until he comes out." + +"There may be another exit," I objected. "We had better go in. I shall +take something, just to keep up appearances; and you must sit down in +the ladies' bar, or the snug, or whatever they call it." + +"Certainly not!" said Stella. + +We had arrived at this _impasse_ when the man suddenly reappeared, +wiping his mouth. Instantly and silently we fell in behind him. + +For the first time the man appeared to notice our presence. He regarded +us curiously, with a faint gleam of recognition in his eyes, and then +set off down the street at a good pace. We followed, panting. Once or +twice he looked back over his shoulder a little apprehensively, I +thought. But we ploughed on. + +"We ought to get there soon at this pace," I gasped. "Hello! He's gone +again!" + +"He turned down to the right," said Stella excitedly. + +The lust of the chase was fairly on us now. We swung eagerly round the +corner into a quiet by-street. Our man was nowhere to be seen and the +street was almost empty. + +"Come on!" said Stella. "He may have turned in somewhere." + +We hurried down the street. Suddenly, warned by a newly awakened and +primitive instinct, I looked back. We had overrun our quarry. He had +just emerged from some hiding place and was heading back toward the main +street, looking fearfully over his shoulder. Once more we were in full +cry. + +For the next five minutes we practically ran--all three of us. The man +was obviously frightened out of his wits, and kept making frenzied and +spasmodic spurts, from which we surmised that he was getting to the end +of his powers of endurance. + +"If only we could overtake him," I said, hauling my exhausted spouse +along by the arm, "we could explain that--" + +"He's gone again!" exclaimed Stella. + +She was right. The man had turned another corner. We followed him round +hotfoot, and found ourselves in a prim little _cul-de-sac_, with villas +on each side. Across the end of the street ran a high wall, obviously +screening a railroad track. + +"We've got him!" I exclaimed. + +I felt as Moltke must have felt when he closed the circle at Sedan. + +"But where is the Dogs' Home, dear?" inquired Stella. + +The question was never answered, for at this moment the man ran up the +steps of the fourth villa on the left and slipped a latchkey into the +lock. The door closed behind him with a venomous snap and we were left +alone in the street, guideless and dogless. + +A minute later the man appeared at the ground-floor window, accompanied +by a female of commanding appearance. He pointed us out to her. Behind +them we could dimly descry a white tablecloth, a tea cozy and covered +dishes. + +The commanding female, after a prolonged and withering glare, plucked a +hairpin from her head and ostentatiously proceeded to skewer together +the starchy white curtains that framed the window. Privacy secured and +the sanctity of the English home thus pointedly vindicated, she and her +husband disappeared into the murky background, where they doubtless sat +down to an excellent high tea. Exhausted and discomfited, we drifted +away. + +"I am going home," said Stella in a hollow voice. "And I think," she +added bitterly, "that it might have occurred to you to suggest that the +creature might possibly be going from the Dogs' Home and not to it." + +I apologized. It is the simplest plan, really. + + + + +II + + +IT was almost dark when the train arrived at our little country +station. We set out to walk home by the short cut across the golf +course. + +"Anyhow, we have saved five shillings," remarked Stella. + +"We paid half a crown for that taxi which took us back to Victoria +Station," I reminded her. + +"Do not argue to-night, darling," responded my wife. "I simply cannot +endure anything more." + +Plainly she was a little unstrung. Very considerately, I selected +another topic. + +"I think our best plan," I said cheerfully, "would be to advertise for a +dog." + +"I never wish to see a dog again," replied Stella. + +I surveyed her with some concern and said gently:-- + +"I am afraid you are tired, dear." + +"No; I'm not." + +"A little shaken, perhaps?" + +"Nothing of the kind. Joe, what is that?" + +Stella's fingers bit deep into my biceps muscle, causing me considerable +pain. We were passing a small sheet of water which guards the thirteenth +green on the golf course. It is a stagnant and unclean pool, but we make +rather a fuss of it. We call it the pond; and if you play a ball into it +you send a blasphemous caddie in after it and count one stroke. + +A young moon was struggling up over the trees, dismally illuminating +the scene. On the slimy shores of the pond we beheld a small moving +object. + +A yard behind it was another object, a little smaller, moving at exactly +the same pace. One of the objects was emitting sounds of distress. + +Abandoning my quaking consort I advanced to the edge of the pond and +leaned down to investigate the mystery. + +The leading object proved to be a small, wet, shivering, whimpering +puppy. The satellite was a brick. The two were connected by a string. +The puppy had just emerged from the depths of the pond, towing the brick +behind it. + +"What is it, dear?" repeated Stella fearfully. + +"Your dog!" I replied, and cut the string. + + + + +III + + +WE spent three days deciding on a name for him. Stella suggested +Tiny, on account of his size. I pointed out that time might stultify +this selection of a title. + +"I don't think so," said Eileen, supporting her sister. "That kind of +dog does not grow very big." + +"What kind of dog is he?" I inquired swiftly. + +Eileen said no more. There are problems that even girls of twenty cannot +solve. + +A warm bath had revealed to us the fact that the puppy was of a dingy +yellow hue. I suggested that we should call him Mustard. Our son John, +on being consulted--against my advice--by his mother, addressed the +animal as Pussy. Stella continued to favor Tiny. Finally Eileen, who was +at the romantic age, produced a copy of Tennyson and suggested +Excalibur, alleging in support of her preposterous proposition that + + It rose from out the bosom of the lake. + +"The darling rose from out the bosom of the lake, too, just like the +sword Excalibur," she said; "so I think it would make a lovely name for +him." + +"The little brute waded out of a muddy pond towing a brick," I replied. +"I see no parallel. He was not the product of the pond. Some one must +have thrown him in, and he came out." + +"That is just what some one must have done with the sword," retorted +Eileen. "So we'll call you Excalibur, won't we, darling little Scally?" + +She embraced the puppy warmly and the unsuspecting animal replied by +frantically licking her face. + +However, the name stuck, with variations. When the puppy was big enough +he was presented with a collar, engraved with the name Excalibur, +together with my name and address. Among ourselves we usually addressed +him as Scally. The children in the village called him the Scalawag. + +His time during his first year in our household was fully occupied in +growing up. Stella declared that if one could have persuaded him to +stand still for five minutes it would have been actually possible to +see him grow. He grew at the rate of about an inch a week for the best +part of a year. When he had finished he looked like nothing on earth. At +one time we cherished a brief but illusory hope that he was going to +turn into some sort of an imitation of a St. Bernard; but the symptoms +rapidly passed off, and his final and permanent aspect was that of a +rather badly stuffed lion. + +Like most overgrown creatures he was top-heavy and lethargic and very +humble-minded. Still, there was a kind of respectful pertinacity about +him. It requires some strength of character, for instance, to wade along +the bottom of a pond to dry land, accompanied by a brick as big as +yourself. It was quite impossible, too, short of locking him up, to +prevent him from accompanying us when we took our walks abroad, if he +had made up his mind to do so. + +The first time this happened I was going to shoot with my neighbors, the +Hoods. It was only a mile to the first covert and I set off after +breakfast to walk. I was hardly out on the road when Excalibur was +beside me, ambling uncertainly on his weedy legs and smiling up into my +face with an air of imbecile affection. + +"You have many qualities, old friend," I said, "but I don't think you +are a sporting dog. Go home!" + +Excalibur sat down on the road with a dejected air. Then, having given +me fifty yards start, he rose and crawled sheepishly after me. I +stopped, called him up, pointed him with some difficulty in the +required direction, gave him a resounding spank and bade him begone. He +responded by collapsing like a camp bedstead, and I left him. + +Two minutes later I looked round. Excalibur was ten yards behind me, +propelling himself along on his stomach. This time I thrashed him +severely. After he began to howl I let him go, and he lumbered away +homeward, the picture of misery. + +In due course I reached the crossroads where I had arranged to meet the +rest of the party. They had not arrived, but Excalibur had. He had made +a detour and headed me off. Not certain which route I would take after +reaching the crossroads, he was sitting very sensibly under the +signpost, awaiting my arrival. On seeing me he immediately came +forward, wagging his tail, and placed himself at my feet in the position +most convenient to me for inflicting chastisement. + +I wonder how many of our human friends would be willing to pay such a +price for the pleasure of our company. + +As time went on Excalibur filled out into one of the most terrifying +spectacles I have ever beheld. In one respect, though, he lived up to +his knightly name. His manners were of the most courtly description and +he had an affectionate greeting for all, beggars included. He was +particularly fond of children. If he saw children in the distance he +would canter up and offer to play with them. If the children had not met +him before they would run shrieking to their nurses. If they had they +would fall on Excalibur in a body and roll him over and pull him about. + +On wet afternoons, in the nursery, my own family used to play at dentist +with him, assigning to Excalibur the role of patient. Gas was +administered with a bicycle pump, and a shoehorn and buttonhook were +employed in place of the ordinary instruments of torture; but Excalibur +did not mind. He lay on his back on the hearth rug, with the principal +dentist sitting astride his ribs, as happy as a king. + +He was particularly attracted by babies; and being able by reason of his +stature to look right down into perambulators, he was accustomed +whenever he met one of those vehicles to amble alongside and peer +inquiringly into the face of its occupant. Most of the babies in the +district got to know him in time, but until they did we had a good deal +of correspondence to attend to on the subject. + +Excalibur's intellect may have been lofty, but his memory was +treacherous. Our household will never forget the day on which he was +given the shoulder of mutton. + +One morning after breakfast Eileen, accompanied by Excalibur, +intercepted the kitchen maid hastening in the direction of the potting +shed, carrying the joint in question at arm's length. The damsel +explained that its premature maturity was due to the recent warm weather +and that she was even now in search of the gardener's boy, who would be +commissioned to perform the duties of sexton. + +"It seems a waste, miss," observed the kitchen maid; "but cook says it +can't be ate nohow now." + +Loud but respectful snuffings from Excalibur moved a direct negative to +this statement. Eileen and the kitchen maid, who were both criminally +weak where Excalibur was concerned, saw a way to gratify their +economical instincts and their natural affection simultaneously. The +next moment Excalibur was lurching contentedly down the gravel path with +a presentation shoulder of mutton in his mouth. + +Then Joy Day began. Excalibur took his prize into the middle of the +tennis lawn. It was a very large shoulder of mutton, but Excalibur +finished it in ten minutes. After that, distended to his utmost limits, +he went to sleep in the sun, with the bone between his paws. +Occasionally he woke up and, raising his head, stared solemnly into +space, in the attitude of a Trafalgar Square lion. + +The bone now lay white and gleaming on the grass beside him. Then he +fell asleep again. About four o'clock he roused himself and began to +look for a suitable place of interment for the bone. By four-thirty the +deed was done and he went to sleep once more. At five he woke up and +pandemonium began. He could not remember where he had buried the bone! + +He started systematically with the rose beds, but met with no success. +After that he tried two or three shrubberies without avail, and then +embarked on a frantic but thorough excavation of the tennis lawn. We +were taking tea on the lawn at the time, and our attention was first +drawn to Excalibur's bereavement by a temporary but unshakable +conviction on his part that the bone was buried immediately underneath +the tea table. + +As the tennis lawn was fast beginning to resemble a golf course we +locked Excalibur up in the washhouse, where his hyena-like howls rent +the air for the rest of the evening, penetrating even to the +dining-room. This was particularly unfortunate, because we were having a +dinner party in honor of a neighbor who had recently come to the +district, no less a personage, in fact, than the new lord-lieutenant of +the county and his lady. Stella was naturally anxious that there should +be no embarrassments on such an occasion, and it distressed her to think +that these people should imagine that we kept a private torture chamber +on the premises. + +However, dinner passed off quite successfully and we adjourned to the +drawing-room. It was a chilly September evening and Lady Wickham was +accommodated with a seat by the fire in a large armchair, with a cushion +at her back. When the gentlemen came in Eileen sang to us. Fortunately +the drawing-room is out of range of the washhouse. + +During Eileen's first song I sat by Lady Wickham. Her expression was one +of patrician calm and well-bred repose, but it seemed to me she was not +looking quite comfortable. I was not feeling quite comfortable myself. +The atmosphere seemed a trifle oppressive: perhaps we had done wrong in +having a fire after all. Lady Wickham appeared to notice it too. She sat +very upright, fanning herself mechanically, and seemed disinclined to +lean back in her chair. + +After the song was finished I said: + +"I am afraid you are not quite comfortable, Lady Wickham. Let me get you +a larger cushion." + +"Thank you," said Lady Wickham, "the cushion I have is delightfully +comfortable; but I think there is something hard behind it." + +Apologetically I plucked away the cushion. Lady Wickham was right; there +was something behind it. + +It was Excalibur's bone! + + + + +IV + + +A WALK along the village street was always a great event for +Excalibur. Still, it must have contained many humiliating moments for +one of his sensitive disposition; for he was always pathetically anxious +to make friends with other dogs, but was rarely successful. Little dogs +merely bit his legs and big dogs cut him dead. + +I think this was why he usually commenced his morning round by calling +on a rabbit. The rabbit lived in a hutch in a yard at the end of a +passage between two cottages, the first turning on the right after you +entered the village, and Excalibur always dived down this at the +earliest opportunity. It was no use for Eileen, who usually took him +out on these occasions, to endeavor to hold him back. Either Excalibur +called on the rabbit by himself or Eileen went with him; there was no +other alternative. + +Arrived at the hutch, Excalibur wagged his tail and contemplated the +rabbit with his usual air of vacuous benevolence. The rabbit made not +the faintest response, but continued to munch green feed, twitching its +nose in a superior manner. Finally, when it could endure Excalibur's +admiring inspection and hard breathing no longer, it turned its back and +retired into its bedroom. + +Excalibur's next call was usually at the butcher's shop, where he was +presented with a specially selected and quite unsalable fragment of +meat. He then crossed the road to the baker's, where he purchased a +halfpenny bun, for which his escort was expected to pay. After that he +walked from shop to shop, wherever he was taken, with great docility and +enjoyment; for he was a gregarious animal and had a friend behind or +underneath almost every counter in the village. Men, women, babies, +kittens, even ducks--they were all one to him. + +At one time Eileen had endeavored to teach him a few simple +accomplishments, such as begging for food, dying for his country, and +carrying parcels. She was unsuccessful in all three instances. Excalibur +on his hind legs stood about five feet six, and when he fell from that +eminence, as he invariably did when he tried to beg, he usually broke +something. He was hampered, too, by inability to distinguish one order +from another. More than once he narrowly escaped with his life through +mistaking an urgent appeal to come to heel out of the way of an +approaching automobile for a command to die for his country in the +middle of the road. + +As for educating him to carry parcels, a single attempt was sufficient. +The parcel in question contained a miscellaneous assortment of articles +from the grocer's, including lard, soap, and safety matches. It was +securely tied up, and the grocer kindly attached it by a short length of +string to a wooden clothespin, in order to make it easier for Excalibur +to carry. They set off home. + +Excalibur was most apologetic about it afterward, besides being +extremely unwell; but he had no idea, he explained to Eileen, that +anything put into his mouth was not meant to be eaten. He then tendered +the clothespin and some mangled brown paper, with an air of profound +abasement. After that no further attempts at compulsory education were +undertaken. + +It was his daily walk with Eileen, however, which introduced Excalibur +to life--life in its broadest and most romantic sense. As I was not +privileged to be present at the opening incident of this episode, or at +most of its subsequent developments, the direct conduct of this +narrative here passes out of my hands. + +One sunny morning in July a young man in clerical attire sat +breakfasting in his rooms at Mrs. Tice's. Mrs. Tice's establishment was +situated on the village street and Mrs. Tice was in the habit of letting +her ground floor to lodgers of impeccable respectability. + +It was half-past eleven, which is a late hour for the clergy to +breakfast; but this young man appeared to be suffering from no qualms of +conscience on the subject. He was making an excellent breakfast and +reading the Henley results with a mixture of rapture and longing. + +He had just removed the "Sportsman" from the convenient buttress of the +teapot and substituted "Punch" when he became aware that day had turned +to night. Looking up he perceived that his open window, which was rather +small and of the casement variety, was completely blocked by a huge, +shapeless, and opaque mass. Next moment the mass resolved itself into an +animal of enormous size and surprising appearance, which fell heavily +into the room, and + + Like a stream that, spouting from a cliff, + Fails in mid-air, but, gathering at the base, + Remakes itself, + +rose to its feet and, advancing to the table, laid a heavy head on the +white cloth and lovingly passed its tongue--which resembled that of the +great anteater--round a cold chicken conveniently adjacent. + +Five minutes later the window framed another picture--this time a girl +of twenty, white-clad and wearing a powder-blue felt hat, caught up on +one side by a silver buckle which twinkled in the hot morning sun. The +curate started to his feet. Excalibur, who was now lying on the +hearthrug dismembering the chicken, thumped his tail guiltily on the +floor, but made no attempt to rise. + +"I am very sorry," said Eileen, "but I am afraid my dog is trespassing. +May I call him out?" + +"Certainly!" said the curate. "But"--he racked his brains to devise some +means of delaying the departure of this radiant, fragrant vision--"he is +not the least in the way. I am very glad of his company; it was most +neighborly of him to call. After all, I suppose he is one of my +parishioners. And--and"--he blushed--"I hope you are, too." + +Eileen gave him her most entrancing smile, and from that hour the curate +ceased to be his own master. + +"I suppose you are Mr. Gilmore," said Eileen. + +"Yes. I have been here only three weeks and I have not met every one +yet." + +"I have been away for two months," Eileen mentioned. + +"I thought you must have been," said the curate, rather subtly for him. + +"I think my brother-in-law called on you a few days ago," continued +Eileen, on whom the curate's last remark had made a most favorable +impression. She mentioned my name. + +"I was going to return the call this very afternoon," said the curate. +And he firmly believed that he was speaking the truth. "Won't you come +in? We have an excellent chaperon," indicating Excalibur. "I will come +and open the door." + +"Well, he certainly won't come out unless I come and fetch him," +admitted Eileen thoughtfully. + +A moment later the curate was at the front door and led his visitor +across the little hall into the sitting-room. He had not been absent +more than thirty seconds, but during that time a plateful of sausages +had mysteriously disappeared; and, as they entered, Excalibur was +apologetically settling down on the hearthrug with a cottage loaf +between his paws. + +Eileen uttered cries of dismay and apology, but the curate would have +none of them. + +"My fault entirely!" he insisted. "I have no right to be breakfasting at +this hour; but this is my day off. You see I take early Service every +morning at seven; but on Wednesdays we cut it out--omit it and have +full Matins at ten. So I get up at half-past nine, take Service at ten, +and come back to my rooms at eleven and have breakfast. It is my weekly +treat." + +"You deserve it," said Eileen feelingly. Her religious exercises were +limited to going to church on Sunday morning and coming out, if +possible, after the Litany. "And how do you like Much Moreham?" + +"I did not like it at all when I came," said the curate, "but recently I +have begun to enjoy myself immensely." He did not say how recently. + +"Were you in London before?" + +"Yes--in the East End. It was pretty hard work, but a useful experience. +I feel rather lost here during my spare time. I get so little exercise. +In London I used to slip away for an occasional outing in a Leander +scratch eight, and that kept me fit. I am inclined," he added ruefully, +"to put on flesh." + +"Leander? Are you a Blue?" + +The curate nodded. + +"You know about rowing, I see," he said appreciatively. "The worst of +rowing," he continued, "is that it takes up so much of a man's time that +he has no opportunity of practicing anything else--cricket, for +instance. All curates ought to be able to play cricket. I do my best; +but there isn't a single boy in the Sunday School who can't bowl me. +It's humiliating!" + +"Do you play tennis at all?" asked Eileen. + +"Yes, in a way." + +"I am sure my sister will be pleased if you come and have a game with us +some afternoon." + +The enraptured curate had already opened his mouth to accept this demure +invitation when Excalibur, rising from the hearthrug, stretched himself +luxuriously and wagged his tail, thereby removing three pipes, an +inkstand, a tobacco jar, and a half-completed sermon from the writing +table. + + + + +V + + +EXCALIBUR was heavily overworked in his new role of chaperon during +the next three or four weeks, and any dog less ready to oblige than +himself might have felt a little aggrieved at the treatment to which he +was subjected. + +There was the case of the tennis lawn, for instance. He had always +regarded this as his own particular sanctuary, dedicated to reflection +and repose; but now the net was stretched across it and Eileen and the +curate performed antics all over the court with rackets and small white +balls which, though they did not hurt Excalibur, kept him awake. It did +not occur to him to convey himself elsewhere, for his mind moved +slowly; and the united blandishments of the players failed to bring the +desirability of such a course home to him. He continued to lie in his +favorite spot on the sunny side of the court, looking injured but +forgiving, or slumbering perseveringly amid the storm that raged round +him. + +It was quite impossible to move Excalibur once he had decided to remain +where he was; so Eileen and the curate agreed to regard him as a sort of +artificial excrescence, like the buttress in a fives court. If the ball +hit him, as it frequently did, the player waiting for it was at liberty +either to play it or claim a let. This arrangement added a piquant and +pleasing variety to what is too often--especially when indulged in by +mediocre players--a very dull game. + +Worse was to follow, however. One day Eileen and the curate conducted +Excalibur to a neighboring mountain range--at least, so it appeared to +Excalibur--and played another ball game. This time they employed long +sticks with iron heads, and two balls, which, though they were much +smaller than tennis balls, were incredibly hard and painful. Excalibur, +though willing to help and anxious to please, could not supervise both +the balls at once. As sure as he ran to retrieve one the other came +after him and took him unfairly in the rear. Excalibur was the gentlest +of creatures, but the most perfect gentleman has his dignity to +consider. + +After having been struck for the third time by one of these balls he +whipped round, picked it up in his mouth and gave it a tiny pinch, just +as a warning. At least, he thought it was a tiny pinch. The ball +retaliated with unexpected ferocity. It twisted and turned. It emitted +long, snaky spirals of some elastic substance, which clogged his teeth +and tickled his throat and wound themselves round his tongue and nearly +choked him. Panic-stricken, he ran to his mistress, who, with weeping +and with laughter, removed the writhing horror from his jaws and +comforted him with fair words. + +After that Excalibur realized that it is wiser to walk behind golfers +than in front of them. It was a boring business, though, and very +exhausting, for he loathed exercise of every kind; and his only periods +of repose were the occasions on which the expedition came to a halt on +certain small, flat lawns, each of which contained a hole with a flag in +it. + +Here Excalibur would lie down, with the contented sigh of a tired child, +and go to sleep. As he almost invariably lay down between the hole and +the ball, the players agreed to regard him as a bunker. Eileen putted +round him; but the curate--who had little regard for the humbler works +of creation, Excalibur thought--used to take his mashie and attempt a +lofting shot, an enterprise in which he almost invariably failed, to +Excalibur's great inconvenience. + +Country walks were more tolerable, for Eileen's supervision of his +movements, which was usually marked by an officious severity, was +sensibly relaxed on these days and Excalibur found himself at liberty to +range abroad amid the heath and through the coppices, engaged in a +pastime that he imagined was hunting. + +One hot afternoon, wandering into a clearing, he encountered a hare. The +hare, which was suffering from extreme panic, owing to a terrifying +noise behind it,--the blast of the newest and most vulgar motor horn, to +be precise,--was bolting right across the clearing. After the manner of +hares where objects directly in front of them are concerned, the +fugitive entirely failed to perceive Excalibur and, indeed, ran right +underneath him on its way to cover. Excalibur was so unstrung by this +adventure that he ran back to where he had left Eileen and the curate. + +They were sitting side by side on the grass and the curate was holding +Eileen's hand. + +Excalibur advanced on them thankfully and indicated by an ingratiating +smile that a friendly remark or other recognition of his presence would +be gratefully received; but neither took the slightest notice of him. +They continued to gaze straight before them in a mournful and abstracted +fashion. They looked not so much at Excalibur as through him. First the +hare, then Eileen and the curate! Excalibur began to fear that he had +become invisible, or at least transparent. Greatly agitated he drifted +away into a neighboring plantation full of young pheasants. Here he +encountered a keeper, who was able to dissipate his gloomy suspicions +for him without any difficulty whatsoever. But Eileen and the curate sat +on. + +"A hundred pounds a year!" repeated the curate. "A pass degree and no +influence! I can't preach and I have no money of my own. Dearest, I +ought never to have told you." + +"Told me what?" inquired Eileen softly. She knew quite well; but she was +a woman, and a woman can never let well enough alone. + +The curate, turning to Eileen, delivered himself of a statement of three +words. Eileen's reply was a softly whispered _Tu quoque!_ + +"It had to happen, dear," she added cheerfully, for she did not share +the curate's burden of responsibility in the matter. "If you had not +told me we should have been miserable separately. Now that you have told +me, we can be miserable together. And when two people who--who--" She +hesitated. + +The curate supplied the relative sentence. Eileen nodded her head in +acknowledgment. + +"Yes; who are--like you and me--are miserable together, they are happy! +See?" + +"I see," said the curate gravely. "Yes, you are right there; but we +can't go on living on a diet of joint misery. We shall have to face the +future. What are we going to do about it?" + +Then Eileen spoke up boldly for the first time. + +"Gerald," she said, "we shall simply have to manage on a hundred a +year." + +But the curate shook his head. + +"Dearest, I should be an utter cad if I allowed you to do such a thing," +he said. "A hundred a year is less than two pounds a week!" + +"A lot of people live on less than two pounds a week," Eileen pointed +out longingly. + +"Yes; I know. If we could rent a three-shilling cottage and I could go +about with a spotted handkerchief round my neck, and you could scrub the +doorsteps _coram populo_, we might be very comfortable; but the clergy +belong to the black-coated class, and people in the lower ranks of the +black-coated class are the poorest people in the whole wide world. They +have to spend money on luxuries--collars and charwomen, and so +on--which a workingman can spend entirely on necessities. It wouldn't +merely mean no pretty dresses and a lot of hard work for you, Eileen. It +would mean starvation! Believe me--I know! Some of my friends have tried +it--and I know!" + +"What happened to them?" asked Eileen fearfully. + +"They all had to come down in the end--some soon, some late, but all in +time--to taking parish relief." + +"Parish relief?" + +"Yes; not official, regulation, rate-aided charity, but the infinitely +more humiliating charity of their well-to-do neighbors--quiet checks, +second-hand dresses, and things like that. No, little girl; you and I +are too proud--too proud of the cloth--for that. We will never give a +handle to the people who are always waiting to have a fling at the +improvident clergy--not if it breaks our hearts, we won't!" + +"You are quite right, dear," said Eileen quietly. "We must wait." + +Then the curate said the most difficult thing he had said yet:-- + +"I shall have to go away from here." + +Eileen's hand turned cold in his. + +"Why?" she whispered; but she knew. + +"Because if we wait here we shall wait forever. The last curate in Much +Moreham--what happened to him?" + +"He died." + +"Yes--at fifty-five; and he had been here for thirty years. Preferment +does not come in sleepy villages. I must go back to London." + +"The East End?" + +"East or south or north--it doesn't signify. Anywhere but west. In the +east and south and north there is always work to be done--hard work. And +if a parson has no money and no brains and no influence, and can only +work--run clothing clubs and soup kitchens, and reclaim +drunkards--London is the place for him. So off I go to London, my +beloved, to lay the foundations of Paradise for you and me--for you and +me!" + +There was a long silence. Then the pair rose to their feet and smiled on +each other extremely cheerfully, because each suspected the +other--rightly--of low spirits. + +"Shall we tell people?" asked the curate. + +Eileen thought, and shook her head. + +"No," she said; "nicer not. It will make a splendid secret." + +"Just between us two, eh?" said the curate, kindling at the thought. + +"Just between us two," agreed Eileen. And the curate kissed her very +solemnly. A secret is a comfortable thing to lovers, especially when +they are young and about to be lonely. + +At this moment a leonine head, supported on a lumbering and ill-balanced +body, was thrust in between them. It was Excalibur, taking sanctuary +with the Church from the vengeance of the Law. + +"We might tell Scally, I think," said Eileen. + +"Rather!" assented the curate. "He introduced us." + +So Eileen communicated the great news to Excalibur. + +"You do approve, dear--don't you?" she said. + +Excalibur, instinctively realizing that this was an occasion when +liberties might be taken, stood up on his hind legs and placed his +forepaws on his mistress's shoulders. The curate supported them both. + +"And you will use your influence to get us a living wage from +somewhere--won't you, old man?" added the curate. + +Excalibur tried to lick both their faces at once--and succeeded. + + + + +VI + + +SO the curate went away, but not to London. He was sent instead to a +great manufacturing town in the north, where the work was equally hard, +and where Anglican and Roman and Salvationist fought grimly side by side +against the powers of drink and disease and crime. During these days, +which ultimately rolled into years, the curate lost his boyish freshness +and his unfortunate tendency to put on flesh. He grew thin and lathy; +and, though his smile was as ready and as magnetic as ever, he seldom +laughed. + +He never failed, however, to write a cheerful letter to Eileen every +Monday morning. He was getting a hundred and twenty pounds a year now; +so his chances of becoming a millionaire had increased by twenty per +cent. + +Meantime his two confederates, Excalibur and Eileen, continued to reside +at Much Moreham. Eileen was still the recognized beauty of the district, +but she spread her net less promiscuously than of yore. Girl friends she +always had in plenty, but it was noticed that she avoided intimacy with +all eligible males of over twenty and under forty-five years of age. No +one knew the reason for this except Excalibur. Eileen used to read +Gerald's letters aloud to him every Tuesday morning; sometimes the +letter contained a friendly message to Excalibur himself. + +In acknowledgment of this courtesy Excalibur always sent his love to +the curate--Eileen wrote every Friday--and he and Eileen walked +together, rain or shine, on Friday afternoons to post the letter in the +next village. Much Moreham's post office was too small to remain +oblivious to such a regular correspondence. + +The curate was seen no more in his old parish. Railroad journeys are +costly things and curates' holidays rare. Besides, he had no overt +excuse for coming. And so life went on for five years. The curate and +Eileen may have met during that period, for Eileen sometimes went away +visiting. As Excalibur was not privileged to accompany her on these +occasions he had no means of checking her movements; but the chances are +that she never saw the curate, or I think she would have told Excalibur +about it. We simply have to tell some one. + +Then, quite suddenly, came a tremendous change in Excalibur's life. +Eileen's brother-in-law--he was Excalibur's master no longer, for +Excalibur had been transferred to Eileen by deed of gift, at her own +request, on her first birthday after the curate's departure--fell ill. +There was an operation and a crisis, and a deal of unhappiness at Much +Moreham; then came convalescence, followed by directions for a sea +voyage of six months. It was arranged that the house should be shut up +and the children sent to their grandmother at Bath. + +"That settles everything and everybody," said the gaunt man on the +sofa, "except you, Eileen? What about you?" + +"What about Scally?" inquired Eileen. + +Her brother-in-law apologetically admitted that he had forgotten Scally. + +"Not quite myself at present," he mentioned in extenuation. + +"I am going to Aunt Phoebe," announced Eileen. + +"You are never going to introduce Scally into Aunt Phoebe's +establishment!" cried Eileen's sister. + +"No," said Eileen, "I am not." She rubbed Excalibur's matted head +affectionately. "But I have arranged for the dear man's future. He is +going to visit friends in the north. Aren't you, darling?" + +Excalibur, to whom this arrangement had been privately communicated +some days before, wagged his tail and endeavored to look as intelligent +and knowing as possible. He was not going to put his beloved mistress to +shame by admitting to her relatives that he had not the faintest idea +what she was talking about. + +However, he was soon to understand. The next day Eileen took him up to +London by train. This in itself was a tremendous adventure, though +alarming at first. He traveled in the guard's van, it having been found +quite impossible to get him into an ordinary compartment--or, rather, to +get any one else into the compartment after he lay down on the floor. So +he traveled with the guard, chained to the vacuum brake, and shared that +kindly official's dinner. + +When they reached the terminus there was much bustle and confusion. The +door of the van was thrown open and porters dragged out the luggage and +submitted samples thereof to overheated passengers, who invariably +failed to recognize their own property and claimed someone else's. + +Finally, when the luggage was all cleared out, the guard took off +Excalibur's chain and facetiously invited him to alight for London Town. +Excalibur, lumbering delicately across the ribbed floor of the van, +arrived at the open doorway. Outside on the platform he espied Eileen. +Beside her stood a tall figure in black. + +With one tremendous roar of rapturous recognition, Excalibur leaped +straight out of the van and launched himself fairly and squarely at the +curate's chest. Luckily the curate saw him coming. + +"He knows you, all right," said Eileen with satisfaction. + +"He appears to," replied the curate. "Afraid I don't dance the tango, +Scally, old man; but thanks for the invitation, all the same!" + +Excalibur spent the rest of the day in London, where it must be admitted +he caused a genuine sensation--no mean feat in such a blase place. + +In Bond Street the traffic had to be held up both ways by benevolent +policemen, because Excalibur, feeling pleasantly tired, lay down to +rest. + +When evening came they all dined together in a cheap little restaurant +in Soho and were very gay, with the gayety of people who are whistling +to keep their courage up. After dinner Eileen said good-bye, first to +Excalibur and then to the curate. She was much more demonstrative toward +the former than toward the latter, which is the way of women. + +Then the curate put Eileen into a taxi and, having with the aid of the +commissionaire extracted Excalibur from underneath--he had gone there +under some confused impression that it was the guard's van again--said +good-bye for the last time; and Eileen, smiling bravely, was whirled +away out of sight. + +As the taxi turned a distant corner and disappeared from view, it +suddenly occurred to Excalibur that he had been left behind. Accordingly +he set off in pursuit. + +The curate finally ran him to earth in Buckingham Palace Road, which is +a long chase from Soho, where he was sitting on the pavement, to the +grave inconvenience of the inhabitants of Pimlico, and refusing to be +comforted. It took his new master the best part of an hour to get him to +Euston Road, where it was discovered they had missed the night mail to +the north. Accordingly they walked to a rival station and took another +train. + +In all this Excalibur was the instrument of Destiny, as you shall hear. + + + + +VII + + +THE coroner's jury was inclined at the time to blame the signalman, +but the Board of Trade inquiry established the fact that the accident +was due to the engine-driver's neglect to keep a proper lookout. +However, as the driver was dead and his fireman with him, the law very +leniently took no further action in the matter. + +About three o'clock in the morning, as the train was crossing a bleak +Yorkshire moor seven miles from Tetley Junction, the curate suddenly +left the seat on which he lay stretched dreaming of Eileen and flew +across the compartment on to the recumbent form of a stout commercial +traveler. Then he rebounded to the floor and woke up--unhurt. + +"'Tis an accident, lad!" gasped the commercial traveler as he got his +wind. + +"So it seems," said the curate. "Hold tight! She's rocking!" + +The commercial traveler, who was mechanically groping under the seat for +his boots,--commercial travelers always remove their boots in +third-class railroad compartments when on night journeys,--followed the +curate's advice and braced himself with his feet against the opposite +seat for the coming _bouleversement_. + +After the first shock the train had gathered way again--the light engine +into which it had charged had been thrown clear off the track--but only +for a moment. Suddenly the reeling engine of the express left the rails +and staggered drunkenly along the ballast. A moment later it turned +over, taking the guard's van and the first four coaches with it, and the +whole train came to a standstill. + +It was a corridor train, and unfortunately for Gerald Gilmore and the +commercial traveler their coach fell over corridor side downward. There +was no door on the other side of the compartment--only three windows, +crossed by a stout brass bar. These windows had suddenly become +sky-lights. + +They fought their way out at last. Once he got the window open, the +curate experienced little difficulty in getting through; but the +commercial traveler was corpulent and tenacious of his boots, which he +held persistently in one hand while Gerald tugged at the other. Still, +he was hauled up at last, and the two slid down the perpendicular roof +of the coach to the permanent way. + +"That's done, anyway!" panted the drummer; and sitting down he began to +put on his boots. + +"There's plenty more to do," said the curate grimly, pulling off his +coat. "The front of the train is on fire. Come!" + +He turned and ran. Almost at his first step he cannoned into a heavy +body in rapid motion. It was Excalibur. + +"That you, old friend?" observed the curate. "I was on my way to see +about you. Now that you are out, you may as well come and bear a hand." + +The pair sprinted along the line toward the blazing coaches. + + * * * * * + +It was dawn--gray, weeping, and cheerless--on Tetley Moor. Another +engine had come up from behind to take what was left of the train back +to the Junction. Seven coaches, including the lordly sleeping saloon, +stood intact; four, with the engine and tender, lay where they had +fallen, a mass of charred wood and twisted metal. + +A motor car belonging to a doctor stood in the roadway a hundred yards +off, and its owner, with a brother of the craft who had been a passenger +on the train, was attending to the injured. There were fourteen of these +altogether, mostly suffering from burns. These were made as comfortable +as possible in sleeping berths their owners had vacated. + +"Take your seats, please!" said the surviving guard in a subdued voice. +He spoke at the direction of a big man in a heavy overcoat, who appeared +to have taken charge of the salvage operations. The passengers clambered +up into the train. + +Only one hesitated. He was a long, lean young man, black from head to +foot with soot and oil. His left arm was badly burned; and seeing a +doctor disengaged at last, he came forward to have it dressed. + +The big man in the heavy overcoat approached him. + +"My name is Caversham," he said. "I happen to be a director of the +company. If you will give me your name and address I will see to it +that your services to-night are suitably recognized. The way you got +those two children out of the first coach was splendid, if I may be +allowed to say so. We did not even know they were there." + +The young man's teeth suddenly flashed out into a white smile against +the blackness of his face. + +"Neither did I, sir," he said. "Let me introduce you to the responsible +party." + +He whistled. Out of the gray dawn loomed an eerie monster, badly singed, +wagging its tail. + +"Scally, old man," said the curate, "this gentleman wants to present you +with an illuminated address. Thank him prettily!" Then, to the doctor: +"I'm ever so much obliged to you; it's quite comfortable now." + +He began stiffly to pull on his coat and waistcoat. Lord Caversham, +lending a hand, noted the waistcoat and said quickly:-- + +"Will you travel in my compartment? I should like to have a word with +you if I may." + +"I think I had better go and have a look at those poor folks in the +sleeper first," replied the curate. "They may require my services +professionally." + +"At the Junction, then, perhaps?" suggested Lord Caversham. + +At the Junction, however, the curate found a special waiting to proceed +north by a loop line; and, being in no mind to receive compliments or +waste his substance on a hotel, he departed forthwith, taking his +charred confederate, Excalibur, with him. + + + + +VIII + + +Fortune, once she takes a fancy to you, is not readily shaken off, +however, as most successful men are always trying to forget. A fortnight +later Lord Caversham, leaving his hotel in a great northern town, +encountered an acquaintance he had no difficulty whatever in +recognizing. + +It was Excalibur, jammed fast between two stationary tramcars--he had +not yet shaken down to town life--submitting to a painful but effective +process of extraction at the hands of a posse of policemen and tram +conductors, shrilly directed by a small but commanding girl of the +lodging-house-drudge variety. + +When this enterprise had been brought to a successful conclusion and +the congested traffic moved on by the overheated policemen, Lord +Caversham crossed the street and tapped the damsel on the shoulder. + +"Can you kindly inform me where the owner of that dog may be found?" he +inquired politely. + +"Yas. Se'nty-one Pilgrim Street. But 'e won't sell him." + +"Should I be likely to find him at home if I called now?" + +"Yas. Bin in bed since the accident. Got a nasty arm." + +"Perhaps you would not mind accompanying me back to Pilgrim Street in my +car?" + +After that Mary Ellen's mind became an incoherent blur. A stately +limousine glided up; Mary Ellen was handed in by a footman and +Excalibur was stuffed in after her in installments. The grand gentleman +entered by the opposite door and sat down beside her; but Mary Ellen was +much too dazed to converse with him. + +The arrival of the equipage in Pilgrim Street was the greatest moment of +Mary Ellen's life. + +Meantime upstairs in the first-floor front the curate, lying in his +uncomfortable flock bed, was saying:-- + +"If you really mean it, sir--" + +"I do mean it. If those two children had been burned to death unnoticed +I should never have forgiven myself, and the public would never have +forgiven the company." + +"Well, sir, since you say that, you--well, you could do me a service. +Could you possibly use your influence to get me a billet--I'm not +asking for an incumbency; any old curacy would do--a billet I could +marry on?" He flushed scarlet. "I--we have been waiting a long time +now." + +There was a long silence, and the curate wondered whether he had been +too mercenary in his request. Then Lord Caversham asked:-- + +"What are you getting at present?" + +"A hundred and twenty a year." + +This was about two thirds of the salary Lord Caversham paid his +chauffeur. He asked another question in his curious, abrupt staccato +manner:-- + +"How much do you want?" + +"We could make both ends meet on two hundred; but another fifty would +enable me to make her a lot more comfortable," said the curate +wistfully. + +The great man surveyed him silently--wonderingly, too, if the curate had +known. Presently he asked: + +"Afraid of hard work?" + +"No work is hard to a man with a wife and a home of his own," replied +the curate with simple fervor. + +Lord Caversham smiled grimly. He had more homes of his own than he could +conveniently live in, and he had been married three times; but even he +found work hard now and then. + +"I wonder!" he said. "Well, good-afternoon. I should like to be +introduced to your fiancee some day." + + + + +IX + + +A TRAMP opened the rectory gate and shambled up the neat gravel walk +toward the house. Taking a short cut through the shrubbery he emerged +suddenly on a little lawn. + +On the lawn a lady was sitting in a basket chair beside a perambulator, +the occupant of which was slumbering peacefully. A small but intensely +capable nursemaid, prone on the grass in a curvilinear attitude, was +acting as tunnel to a young gentleman of three who was impersonating a +locomotive. + +The tramp approached the group and asked huskily for alms. He was a +burly and unpleasant specimen of his class--a class all too numerous on +the outskirts of the great industrial parish of Smeltingborough. The +lady in the basket chair looked up. + +"The rector is out," she said. "If you go into the town you will find +him at the Church Hall and he will investigate your case." + +"Oh, the rector is out, is he?" repeated the tramp in tones of distinct +satisfaction. + +"Yes," said Eileen. + +The tramp advanced another pace. + +"Give us half a crown!" he said. "I haven't had a bite of food since +yesterday, lady--nor a drink neither," he added humorously. + +"Please go away!" said the lady. "You know where to find the rector." + +The tramp smiled unpleasantly, but made no attempt to move. + +"You refuse to go away?" the lady said. + +"I'll go for half a crown," replied the tramp with the gracious air of +one anxious to oblige a lady. + +"Watch baby for a moment, Mary Ellen," said Eileen. + +She rose and disappeared into the house, followed by the gratified smile +of the tramp. He was a reasonable man and knew that ladies did not wear +pockets. + +"Thirsty weather," he remarked affably. + +Mary Ellen, keeping one hand on the shoulder of Master Gerald Caversham +Gilmore and the other on the edge of the baby's perambulator, merely +chuckled sardonically. + +The next moment there were footsteps round the corner of the house and +Eileen reappeared. She was clinging with both hands to the collar of an +enormous dog. Its tongue lolled from its great jaws; its tail waved +menacingly from side to side; its great limbs were bent as though for a +spring. Its eyes were half closed as though to focus the exact distance. + +"Run!" cried Eileen to the tramp. "I can't hold him in much longer!" + +This was true enough, except that when Eileen said "in" she meant "up." +But the tramp did not linger to discuss grammar. There was a scurry of +feet, the gate banged and he was gone. + +With a sigh of relief Eileen let go of Excalibur's collar. Excalibur +promptly collapsed on the grass and went to sleep again. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SCALLY*** + + +******* This file should be named 28495.txt or 28495.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/4/9/28495 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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