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diff --git a/old/hmirt10.txt b/old/hmirt10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8cf3e30 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/hmirt10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,14681 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of House of Mirth by Edith Wharton + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Association / Illinois + Benedictine College" within the 60 days following each + date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) + your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, +scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty +free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution +you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg +Association / Illinois Benedictine College". + +*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +The House of Mirth +BY +EDITH WHARTON + + + + + BOOK ONE + + +Chapter 1 + +Selden paused in surprise. In the afternoon rush of the Grand +Central Station his eyes had been refreshed by the sight of Miss +Lily Bart. + +It was a Monday in early September, and he was returning to his +work from a hurried dip into the country; but what was Miss Bart +doing in town at that season? If she had appeared to be catching +a train, he might have inferred that he had come on her in the +act of transition between one and another of the country-houses +which disputed her presence after the close of the Newport +season; but her desultory air perplexed him. She stood apart from +the crowd, letting it drift by her to the platform or the street, +and wearing an air of irresolution which might, as he surmised, +be the mask of a very definite purpose. It struck him at once +that she was waiting for some one, but he hardly knew why the +idea arrested him. There was nothing new about Lily Bart, yet he +could never see her without a faint movement of interest: it was +characteristic of her that she always roused speculation, that +her simplest acts seemed the result of far-reaching intentions. + +An impulse of curiosity made him turn out of his direct line to +the door, and stroll past her. He knew that if she did not wish +to be seen she would contrive to elude him; and it amused him to +think of putting her skill to the test. + +"Mr. Selden--what good luck!" + +She came forward smiling, eager almost, in her resolve to +intercept him. One or two persons, in brushing past them, +lingered to look; for Miss Bart was a figure to arrest even the +suburban traveller rushing to his last train. + +Selden had never seen her more radiant. Her vivid head, relieved +against the dull tints of the crowd, made her more conspicuous +than in a ball-room, and under her dark hat and veil she regained +the girlish smoothness, the purity of tint, that she was +beginning to lose after eleven years of late hours and +indefatigable dancing. Was it really eleven years, Selden found +himself wondering, and had she indeed reached the +nine-and-twentieth birthday with which her rivals credited her? + +"What luck!" she repeated. "How nice of you to come to my +rescue!" + +He responded joyfully that to do so was his mission in life, and +asked what form the rescue was to take. + +"Oh, almost any--even to sitting on a bench and talking to me. +One sits out a cotillion--why not sit out a train? It isn't a bit +hotter here than in Mrs. Van Osburgh's conservatory--and some of +the women are not a bit uglier." She broke off, laughing, to +explain that she had come up to town from Tuxedo, on her way to +the Gus Trenors' at Bellomont, and had missed the three-fifteen +train to Rhinebeck. "And there isn't another till half-past +five." She consulted the little jewelled watch among her laces. +"Just two hours to wait. And I don't know what to do with myself. +My maid came up this morning to do some shopping for me, and was +to go on to Bellomont at one o'clock, and my aunt's house is +closed, and I don't know a soul in town." She glanced plaintively +about the station. "It IS hotter than Mrs. Van Osburgh's, after +all. If you can spare the time, do take me somewhere for a breath +of air." + +He declared himself entirely at her disposal: the adventure +struck him as diverting. As a spectator, he had always enjoyed +Lily Bart; and his course lay so far out of her orbit that it +amused him to be drawn for a moment into the sudden intimacy +which her proposal implied. + +"Shall we go over to Sherry's for a cup of tea?" + +She smiled assentingly, and then made a slight grimace. + +"So many people come up to town on a Monday--one is sure to meet +a lot of bores. I'm as old as the hills, of course, and it ought +not to make any difference; but if I'M old enough, you're not," +she objected gaily. "I'm dying for tea--but isn't there a quieter +place?" + +He answered her smile, which rested on him vividly. Her +discretions interested him almost as much as her imprudences: he +was so sure that both were part of the same carefully-elaborated +plan. In judging Miss Bart, he had always made use of the +"argument from design." + +"The resources of New York are rather meagre," he said; "but I'll +find a hansom first, and then we'll invent something." He led her +through the throng of returning holiday-makers, past sallow-faced +girls in preposterous hats, and flat-chested women struggling +with paper bundles and palm-leaf fans. Was it possible that she +belonged to the same race? The dinginess, the crudity of this +average section of womanhood made him feel how highly +specialized she was. + +A rapid shower had cooled the air, and clouds still hung +refreshingly over the moist street. + +"How delicious! Let us walk a little," she said as they emerged +from the station. + +They turned into Madison Avenue and began to stroll northward. As +she moved beside him, with her long light step, Selden was +conscious of taking a luxurious pleasure in her nearness: in the +modelling of her little ear, the crisp upward wave of her +hair--was it ever so slightly brightened by art?--and the thick +planting of her straight black lashes. Everything about her was +at once vigorous and exquisite, at once strong and fine. He had a +confused sense that she must have cost a great deal to make, that +a great many dull and ugly people must, in some mysterious way, +have been sacrificed to produce her. He was aware that the +qualities distinguishing her from the herd of her sex were +chiefly external: as though a fine glaze of beauty and +fastidiousness had been applied to vulgar clay. Yet the analogy +left him unsatisfied, for a coarse texture will not take a high +finish; and was it not possible that the material was fine, but +that circumstance had fashioned it into a futile shape? + +As he reached this point in his speculations the sun came out, +and her lifted parasol cut off his enjoyment. A moment or two +later she paused with a sigh. + +"Oh, dear, I'm so hot and thirsty--and what a hideous place New +York is!" She looked despairingly up and down the dreary +thoroughfare. "Other cities put on their best clothes in summer, +but New York seems to sit in its shirtsleeves." Her eyes wandered +down one of the side-streets. "Someone has had the humanity to +plant a few trees over there. Let us go into the shade." + +"I am glad my street meets with your approval," said Selden as +they turned the corner. + +"Your street? Do you live here?" + +She glanced with interest along the new brick and limestone +house-fronts, fantastically varied in obedience to the American +craving for novelty, but fresh and inviting with their awnings +and flower-boxes. + +"Ah, yes--to be sure: THE BENEDICK. What a nice-looking building! +I don't think I've ever seen it before." She looked across at the +flat-house with its marble porch and pseudo-Georgian facade. +"Which are your windows? Those with the awnings down?" + +"On the top floor--yes." + +"And that nice little balcony is yours? How cool it looks up +there!" + +He paused a moment. "Come up and see," he suggested. "I can give +you a cup of tea in no time--and you won't meet any bores." + +Her colour deepened--she still had the art of blushing at the +right time--but she took the suggestion as lightly as it was +made. + +"Why not? It's too tempting--I'll take the risk," she declared. + +"Oh, I'm not dangerous," he said in the same key. In truth, he +had never liked her as well as at that moment. He knew she had +accepted without afterthought: he could never be a factor in her +calculations, and there was a surprise, a refreshment almost, in +the spontaneity of her consent. + +On the threshold he paused a moment, feeling for his latchkey. + +"There's no one here; but I have a servant who is supposed to +come in the mornings, and it's just possible he may have put out +the tea-things and provided some cake." + +He ushered her into a slip of a hall hung with old prints. She +noticed the letters and notes heaped on the table among his +gloves and sticks; then she found herself in a small library, +dark but cheerful, with its walls of books, a pleasantly faded +Turkey rug, a littered desk and, as he had foretold, a tea-tray +on a low table near the window. A breeze had sprung up, swaying +inward the muslin curtains, and bringing a fresh scent of +mignonette and petunias from the flower-box on the balcony. + +Lily sank with a sigh into one of the shabby leather chairs. + +"How delicious to have a place like this all to one's self! What +a miserable thing it is to be a woman." She leaned back in a +luxury of discontent. + +Selden was rummaging in a cupboard for the cake. + +"Even women," he said, "have been known to enjoy the privileges +of a flat." + +"Oh, governesses--or widows. But not girls--not poor, miserable, +marriageable girls!" + +"I even know a girl who lives in a flat." + +She sat up in surprise. "You do?" + +"I do," he assured her, emerging from the cupboard with the +sought-for cake. + +"Oh, I know--you mean Gerty Farish." She smiled a little +unkindly. "But I said MARRIAGEABLE--and besides, she has a horrid +little place, and no maid, and such queer things to eat. Her cook +does the washing and the food tastes of soap. I should hate that, +you know." + +"You shouldn't dine with her on wash-days," said Selden, cutting +the cake. + +They both laughed, and he knelt by the table to light the lamp +under the kettle, while she measured out the tea into a little +tea-pot of green glaze. As he watched her hand, polished as a bit +of old ivory, with its slender pink nails, and the sapphire +bracelet slipping over her wrist, he was struck with the irony of +suggesting to her such a life as his cousin Gertrude Farish had +chosen. She was so evidently the victim of the civilization which +had produced her, that the links of her bracelet seemed like +manacles chaining her to her fate. + +She seemed to read his thought. "It was horrid of me to say that +of Gerty," she said with charming compunction. "I forgot she was +your cousin. But we're so different, you know: she likes being +good, and I like being happy. And besides, she is free and I am +not. If I were, I daresay I could manage to be happy even in her +flat. It must be pure bliss to arrange the furniture just as one +likes, and give all the horrors to the ash-man. If I could only +do over my aunt's drawing-room I know I should be a better +woman." + +"Is it so very bad?" he asked sympathetically. + +She smiled at him across the tea-pot which she was holding up to +be filled. + +"That shows how seldom you come there. Why don't you come +oftener?" + +"When I do come, it's not to look at Mrs. Peniston's furniture." + +"Nonsense," she said. "You don't come at all--and yet we get on +so well when we meet." + +"Perhaps that's the reason," he answered promptly. "I'm afraid I +haven't any cream, you know--shall you mind a slice of lemon +instead?" + +"I shall like it better." She waited while he cut the lemon and +dropped a thin disk into her cup. "But that is not the reason," +she insisted. + +"The reason for what?" + +"For your never coming." She leaned forward with a shade of +perplexity in her charming eyes. "I wish I knew--I wish I could +make you out. Of course I know there are men who don't like +me--one can tell that at a glance. And there are others who are +afraid of me: they think I want to marry them." She smiled up at +him frankly. "But I don't think you dislike me--and you can't +possibly think I want to marry you." + +"No--I absolve you of that," he agreed. + +"Well, then---?" + +He had carried his cup to the fireplace, and stood leaning +against the chimney-piece and looking down on her with an air of +indolent amusement. The provocation in her eyes increased his +amusement--he had not supposed she would waste her powder on such +small game; but perhaps she was only keeping her hand in; or +perhaps a girl of her type had no conversation but of the +personal kind. At any rate, she was amazingly pretty, and he had +asked her to tea and must live up to his obligations. + +"Well, then," he said with a plunge, "perhaps THAT'S the reason." + +"What?" + +"The fact that you don't want to marry me. Perhaps I don't regard +it as such a strong inducement to go and see you." He felt +a slight shiver down his spine as he ventured this, but her laugh +reassured him. + +"Dear Mr. Selden, that wasn't worthy of you. It's stupid of you +to make love to me, and it isn't like you to be stupid." She +leaned back, sipping her tea with an air so enchantingly judicial +that, if they had been in her aunt's drawing-room, he might +almost have tried to disprove her deduction. + +"Don't you see," she continued, "that there are men enough to say +pleasant things to me, and that what I want is a friend who won't +be afraid to say disagreeable ones when I need them? Sometimes I +have fancied you might be that friend--I don't know why, except +that you are neither a prig nor a bounder, and that I shouldn't +have to pretend with you or be on my guard against you." Her +voice had dropped to a note of seriousness, and she sat gazing up +at him with the troubled gravity of a child. + +"You don't know how much I need such a friend," she said. "My +aunt is full of copy-book axioms, but they were all meant to +apply to conduct in the early fifties. I always feel that to live +up to them would include wearing book-muslin with gigot sleeves. +And the other women--my best friends--well, they use me or abuse +me; but they don't care a straw what happens to me. I've been +about too long--people are getting tired of me; they are +beginning to say I ought to marry." + +There was a moment's pause, during which Selden meditated one or +two replies calculated to add a momentary zest to the situation; +but he rejected them in favour of the simple question: "Well, why +don't you?" + +She coloured and laughed. "Ah, I see you ARE a friend after all, +and that is one of the disagreeable things I was asking for." + +"It wasn't meant to be disagreeable," he returned amicably. +"Isn't marriage your vocation? Isn't it what you're all brought +up for?" + +She sighed. "I suppose so. What else is there?" + +"Exactly. And so why not take the plunge and have it over?" + +She shrugged her shoulders. "You speak as if I ought to marry the +first man who came along." + +"I didn't mean to imply that you are as hard put to it as +that. But there must be some one with the requisite +qualifications." + +She shook her head wearily. "I threw away one or two good chances +when I first came out--I suppose every girl does; and you know I +am horribly poor--and very expensive. I must have a great deal of +money." + +Selden had turned to reach for a cigarette-box on the +mantelpiece. + +"What's become of Dillworth?" he asked. + +"Oh, his mother was frightened--she was afraid I should have all +the family jewels reset. And she wanted me to promise that I +wouldn't do over the drawing-room." + +"The very thing you are marrying for!" + +"Exactly. So she packed him off to India." + +"Hard luck--but you can do better than Dillworth." + +He offered the box, and she took out three or four cigarettes, +putting one between her lips and slipping the others into a +little gold case attached to her long pearl chain. + +"Have I time? Just a whiff, then." She leaned forward, holding +the tip of her cigarette to his. As she did so, he noted, with a +purely impersonal enjoyment, how evenly the black lashes were set +in her smooth white lids, and how the purplish shade beneath them +melted into the pure pallour of the cheek. + +She began to saunter about the room, examining the bookshelves +between the puffs of her cigarette-smoke. Some of the volumes had +the ripe tints of good tooling and old morocco, and her eyes +lingered on them caressingly, not with the appreciation of the +expert, but with the pleasure in agreeable tones and textures +that was one of her inmost susceptibilities. Suddenly her +expression changed from desultory enjoyment to active conjecture, +and she turned to Selden with a question. + +"You collect, don't you--you know about first editions and +things?" + +"As much as a man may who has no money to spend. Now and then I +pick up something in the rubbish heap; and I go and look on at +the big sales." + +She had again addressed herself to the shelves, but her eyes now +swept them inattentively, and he saw that she was preoccupied +with a new idea. + +"And Americana--do you collect Americana?" + +Selden stared and laughed. + +"No, that's rather out of my line. I'm not really a collector, +you see; I simply like to have good editions of the books I am +fond of." + +She made a slight grimace. "And Americana are horribly dull, I +suppose?" + +"I should fancy so--except to the historian. But your real +collector values a thing for its rarity. I don't suppose the +buyers of Americana sit up reading them all night--old Jefferson +Gryce certainly didn't." + +She was listening with keen attention. "And yet they fetch +fabulous prices, don't they? It seems so odd to want to pay a lot +for an ugly badly-printed book that one is never going to read! +And I suppose most of the owners of Americana are not historians +either?" + +"No; very few of the historians can afford to buy them. They have +to use those in the public libraries or in private collections. +It seems to be the mere rarity that attracts the average +collector." + +He had seated himself on an arm of the chair near which she was +standing, and she continued to question him, asking which were +the rarest volumes, whether the Jefferson Gryce collection was +really considered the finest in the world, and what was the +largest price ever fetched by a single volume. + +It was so pleasant to sit there looking up at her, as she lifted +now one book and then another from the shelves, fluttering the +pages between her fingers, while her drooping profile was +outlined against the warm background of old bindings, that he +talked on without pausing to wonder at her sudden interest in so +unsuggestive a subject. But he could never be long with her +without trying to find a reason for what she was doing, and as +she replaced his first edition of La Bruyere and turned away from +the bookcases, he began to ask himself what she had been driving +at. Her next question was not of a nature to enlighten him. She +paused before him with a smile which seemed at once designed to +admit him to her familiarity, and to remind him of the +restrictions it imposed. + +"Don't you ever mind," she asked suddenly, "not being rich enough +to buy all the books you want?" + +He followed her glance about the room, with its worn furniture +and shabby walls. + +"Don't I just? Do you take me for a saint on a pillar?" + +"And having to work--do you mind that?" + +"Oh, the work itself is not so bad--I'm rather fond of the law." + +"No; but the being tied down: the routine--don't you ever want to +get away, to see new places and people?" + +"Horribly--especially when I see all my friends rushing to the +steamer." + +She drew a sympathetic breath. "But do you mind enough--to marry +to get out of it?" + +Selden broke into a laugh. "God forbid!" he declared. + +She rose with a sigh, tossing her cigarette into the grate. + +"Ah, there's the difference--a girl must, a man may if he +chooses." She surveyed him critically. "Your coat's a little +shabby--but who cares? It doesn't keep people from asking you to +dine. If I were shabby no one would have me: a woman is asked out +as much for her clothes as for herself. The clothes are the +background, the frame, if you like: they don't make success, but +they are a part of it. Who wants a dingy woman? We are expected +to be pretty and well-dressed till we drop--and if we can't keep +it up alone, we have to go into partnership." + +Selden glanced at her with amusement: it was impossible, even +with her lovely eyes imploring him, to take a sentimental view of +her case. + +"Ah, well, there must be plenty of capital on the look-out for +such an investment. Perhaps you'll meet your fate tonight at the +Trenors'." + +She returned his look interrogatively. + +"I thought you might be going there--oh, not in that capacity! +But there are to be a lot of your set--Gwen Van Osburgh, the +Wetheralls, Lady Cressida Raith--and the George Dorsets." + +She paused a moment before the last name, and shot a query +through her lashes; but he remained imperturbable. + +"Mrs. Trenor asked me; but I can't get away till the end of the +week; and those big parties bore me." + +"Ah, so they do me," she exclaimed. + +"Then why go?" + +"It's part of the business--you forget! And besides, if I didn't, +I should be playing bezique with my aunt at Richfield Springs." + +"That's almost as bad as marrying Dillworth," he agreed, and they +both laughed for pure pleasure in their sudden intimacy. + +She glanced at the clock. + +"Dear me! I must be off. It's after five." + +She paused before the mantelpiece, studying herself in the mirror +while she adjusted her veil. The attitude revealed the long slope +of her slender sides, which gave a kind of wild-wood grace to her +outline--as though she were a captured dryad subdued to the +conventions of the drawing-room; and Selden reflected that it was +the same streak of sylvan freedom in her nature that lent such +savour to her artificiality. + +He followed her across the room to the entrance-hall; but on the +threshold she held out her hand with a gesture of leave-taking. + +"It's been delightful; and now you will have to return my visit." + +"But don't you want me to see you to the station?" + +"No; good bye here, please." + +She let her hand lie in his a moment, smiling up at him adorably. + +"Good bye, then--and good luck at Bellomont!" he said, opening +the door for her. + +On the landing she paused to look about her. There were a +thousand chances to one against her meeting anybody, but one +could never tell, and she always paid for her rare indiscretions +by a violent reaction of prudence. There was no one in sight, +however, but a char-woman who was scrubbing the stairs. Her own +stout person and its surrounding implements took up so much room +that Lily, to pass her, had to gather up her skirts and brush +against the wall. As she did so, the woman paused in her work and +looked up curiously, resting her clenched red fists on the +wet cloth she had just drawn from her pail. She had a broad +sallow face, slightly pitted with small-pox, and thin +straw-coloured hair through which her scalp shone unpleasantly. + +"I beg your pardon," said Lily, intending by her politeness to +convey a criticism of the other's manner. + +The woman, without answering, pushed her pail aside, and +continued to stare as Miss Bart swept by with a murmur of silken +linings. Lily felt herself flushing under the look. What did the +creature suppose? Could one never do the simplest, the most +harmless thing, without subjecting one's self to some odious +conjecture? Half way down the next flight, she smiled to think +that a char-woman's stare should so perturb her. The poor thing +was probably dazzled by such an unwonted apparition. But WERE +such apparitions unwonted on Selden's stairs? Miss Bart was not +familiar with the moral code of bachelors' flat-houses, and her +colour rose again as it occurred to her that the woman's +persistent gaze implied a groping among past associations. But +she put aside the thought with a smile at her own fears, and +hastened downward, wondering if she should find a cab short of +Fifth Avenue. + +Under the Georgian porch she paused again, scanning the street +for a hansom. None was in sight, but as she reached the sidewalk +she ran against a small glossy-looking man with a gardenia in his +coat, who raised his hat with a surprised exclamation. + +"Miss Bart? Well--of all people! This IS luck," he declared; and +she caught a twinkle of amused curiosity between his screwed-up +lids. + +"Oh, Mr. Rosedale--how are you?" she said, perceiving that the +irrepressible annoyance on her face was reflected in the sudden +intimacy of his smile. + +Mr. Rosedale stood scanning her with interest and approval. He +was a plump rosy man of the blond Jewish type, with smart London +clothes fitting him like upholstery, and small sidelong eyes +which gave him the air of appraising people as if they were +bric-a-brac. He glanced up interrogatively at the porch of the +Benedick. + +"Been up to town for a little shopping, I suppose?" he said, in a +tone which had the familiarity of a touch. + +Miss Bart shrank from it slightly, and then flung herself into +precipitate explanations. + +"Yes--I came up to see my dress-maker. I am just on my way to +catch the train to the Trenors'." + +"Ah--your dress-maker; just so," he said blandly. "I didn't know +there were any dress-makers in the Benedick." + +"The Benedick?" She looked gently puzzled. "Is that the name of +this building?" + +"Yes, that's the name: I believe it's an old word for bachelor, +isn't it? I happen to own the building--that's the way I know." +His smile deepened as he added with increasing assurance: "But +you must let me take you to the station. The Trenors are at +Bellomont, of course? You've barely time to catch the five-forty. +The dress-maker kept you waiting, I suppose." + +Lily stiffened under the pleasantry. + +"Oh, thanks," she stammered; and at that moment her eye caught a +hansom drifting down Madison Avenue, and she hailed it with a +desperate gesture. + +"You're very kind; but I couldn't think of troubling you," she +said, extending her hand to Mr. Rosedale; and heedless of his +protestations, she sprang into the rescuing vehicle, and called +out a breathless order to the driver. + + + +Chapter 2 + +In the hansom she leaned back with a sigh. Why must a girl pay so +dearly for her least escape from routine? Why could one never do +a natural thing without having to screen it behind a structure of +artifice? She had yielded to a passing impulse in going to +Lawrence Selden's rooms, and it was so seldom that she could +allow herself the luxury of an impulse! This one, at any rate, +was going to cost her rather more than she could afford. She was +vexed to see that, in spite of so many years of vigilance, she +had blundered twice within five minutes. That stupid story about +her dress-maker was bad enough--it would have been so simple to +tell Rosedale that she had been taking tea with Selden! The mere +statement of the fact would have rendered it innocuous. But, +after having let herself be surprised in a falsehood, it was +doubly stupid to snub the witness of her discomfiture. If she had +had the presence of mind to let Rosedale drive her to the +station, the concession might have purchased his silence. He had +his race's accuracy in the appraisal of values, and to be seen +walking down the platform at the crowded afternoon hour in the +company of Miss Lily Bart would have been money in his pocket, as +he might himself have phrased it. He knew, of course, that there +would be a large house-party at Bellomont, and the possibility of +being taken for one of Mrs. Trenor's guests was doubtless +included in his calculations. Mr. Rosedale was still at a stage +in his social ascent when it was of importance to produce such +impressions. + +The provoking part was that Lily knew all this--knew how easy it +would have been to silence him on the spot, and how difficult it +might be to do so afterward. Mr. Simon Rosedale was a man who +made it his business to know everything about every one, whose +idea of showing himself to be at home in society was to display +an inconvenient familiarity with the habits of those with whom he +wished to be thought intimate. Lily was sure that within +twenty-four hours the story of her visiting her dress-maker at +the Benedick would be in active circulation among Mr. Rosedale's +acquaintances. The worst of it was that she had always snubbed +and ignored him. On his first appearance--when her +improvident cousin, Jack Stepney, had obtained for him (in return +for favours too easily guessed) a card to one of the vast +impersonal Van Osburgh "crushes"--Rosedale, with that mixture of +artistic sensibility and business astuteness which characterizes +his race, had instantly gravitated toward Miss Bart. She +understood his motives, for her own course was guided by as nice +calculations. Training and experience had taught her to be +hospitable to newcomers, since the most unpromising might be +useful later on, and there were plenty of available OUBLIETTES to +swallow them if they were not. But some intuitive repugnance, +getting the better of years of social discipline, had made her +push Mr. Rosedale into his OUBLIETTE without a trial. He had left +behind only the ripple of amusement which his speedy despatch had +caused among her friends; and though later (to shift the +metaphor) he reappeared lower down the stream, it was only in +fleeting glimpses, with long submergences between. + +Hitherto Lily had been undisturbed by scruples. In her little set +Mr. Rosedale had been pronounced "impossible," and Jack Stepney +roundly snubbed for his attempt to pay his debts in dinner +invitations. Even Mrs. Trenor, whose taste for variety had led +her into some hazardous experiments, resisted Jack's attempts to +disguise Mr. Rosedale as a novelty, and declared that he was the +same little Jew who had been served up and rejected at the social +board a dozen times within her memory; and while Judy Trenor was +obdurate there was small chance of Mr. Rosedale's penetrating +beyond the outer limbo of the Van Osburgh crushes. Jack gave up +the contest with a laughing "You'll see," and, sticking manfully +to his guns, showed himself with Rosedale at the fashionable +restaurants, in company with the personally vivid if socially +obscure ladies who are available for such purposes. But the +attempt had hitherto been vain, and as Rosedale undoubtedly paid +for the dinners, the laugh remained with his debtor. + +Mr. Rosedale, it will be seen, was thus far not a factor to be +feared--unless one put one's self in his power. And this was +precisely what Miss Bart had done. Her clumsy fib had let him see +that she had something to conceal; and she was sure he had a +score to settle with her. Something in his smile told her +he had not forgotten. She turned from the thought with a little +shiver, but it hung on her all the way to the station, and dogged +her down the platform with the persistency of Mr. Rosedale +himself. + +She had just time to take her seat before the train started; but +having arranged herself in her corner with the instinctive +feeling for effect which never forsook her, she glanced about in +the hope of seeing some other member of the Trenors' party. She +wanted to get away from herself, and conversation was the only +means of escape that she knew. + +Her search was rewarded by the discovery of a very blond young +man with a soft reddish beard, who, at the other end of the +carriage, appeared to be dissembling himself behind an unfolded +newspaper. Lily's eye brightened, and a faint smile relaxed the +drawn lines of her mouth. She had known that Mr. Percy Gryce was +to be at Bellomont, but she had not counted on the luck of having +him to herself in the train; and the fact banished all perturbing +thoughts of Mr. Rosedale. Perhaps, after all, the day was to end +more favourably than it had begun. + +She began to cut the pages of a novel, tranquilly studying her +prey through downcast lashes while she organized a method of +attack. Something in his attitude of conscious absorption told +her that he was aware of her presence: no one had ever been quite +so engrossed in an evening paper! She guessed that he was too shy +to come up to her, and that she would have to devise some means +of approach which should not appear to be an advance on her part. +It amused her to think that any one as rich as Mr. Percy Gryce +should be shy; but she was gifted with treasures of indulgence +for such idiosyncrasies, and besides, his timidity might serve +her purpose better than too much assurance. She had the art of +giving self-confidence to the embarrassed, but she was not +equally sure of being able to embarrass the self-confident. + +She waited till the train had emerged from the tunnel and was +racing between the ragged edges of the northern suburbs. Then, as +it lowered its speed near Yonkers, she rose from her seat and +drifted slowly down the carriage. As she passed Mr. Gryce, the +train gave a lurch, and he was aware of a slender hand gripping +the back of his chair. He rose with a start, his ingenuous +face looking as though it had been dipped in crimson: even the +reddish tint in his beard seemed to deepen. The train swayed +again, almost flinging Miss Bart into his arms. + +She steadied herself with a laugh and drew back; but he was +enveloped in the scent of her dress, and his shoulder had felt +her fugitive touch. + +"Oh, Mr. Gryce, is it you? I'm so sorry--I was trying to find the +porter and get some tea." + +She held out her hand as the train resumed its level rush, and +they stood exchanging a few words in the aisle. Yes--he was going +to Bellomont. He had heard she was to be of the party--he blushed +again as he admitted it. And was he to be there for a whole week? +How delightful! + +But at this point one or two belated passengers from the last +station forced their way into the carriage, and Lily had to +retreat to her seat. + +"The chair next to mine is empty--do take it," she said over her +shoulder; and Mr. Gryce, with considerable embarrassment, +succeeded in effecting an exchange which enabled him to transport +himself and his bags to her side. + +"Ah--and here is the porter, and perhaps we can have some tea." + +She signalled to that official, and in a moment, with the ease +that seemed to attend the fulfilment of all her wishes, a little +table had been set up between the seats, and she had helped Mr. +Gryce to bestow his encumbering properties beneath it. + +When the tea came he watched her in silent fascination while her +hands flitted above the tray, looking miraculously fine and +slender in contrast to the coarse china and lumpy bread. It +seemed wonderful to him that any one should perform with such +careless ease the difficult task of making tea in public in a +lurching train. He would never have dared to order it for +himself, lest he should attract the notice of his +fellow-passengers; but, secure in the shelter of her +conspicuousness, he sipped the inky draught with a delicious +sense of exhilaration. + +Lily, with the flavour of Selden's caravan tea on her lips, had +no great fancy to drown it in the railway brew which seemed such +nectar to her companion; but, rightly judging that one of +the charms of tea is the fact of drinking it together, she +proceeded to give the last touch to Mr. Gryce's enjoyment by +smiling at him across her lifted cup. + +"Is it quite right--I haven't made it too strong?" she asked +solicitously; and he replied with conviction that he had never +tasted better tea. + +"I daresay it is true," she reflected; and her imagination was +fired by the thought that Mr. Gryce, who might have sounded the +depths of the most complex self-indulgence, was perhaps actually +taking his first journey alone with a pretty woman. + +It struck her as providential that she should be the instrument +of his initiation. Some girls would not have known how to manage +him. They would have over-emphasized the novelty of the +adventure, trying to make him feel in it the zest of an escapade. +But Lily's methods were more delicate. She remembered that her +cousin Jack Stepney had once defined Mr. Gryce as the young man +who had promised his mother never to go out in the rain without +his overshoes; and acting on this hint, she resolved to impart a +gently domestic air to the scene, in the hope that her companion, +instead of feeling that he was doing something reckless or +unusual, would merely be led to dwell on the advantage of always +having a companion to make one's tea in the train. + +But in spite of her efforts, conversation flagged after the tray +had been removed, and she was driven to take a fresh measurement +of Mr. Gryce's limitations. It was not, after all, opportunity +but imagination that he lacked: he had a mental palate which +would never learn to distinguish between railway tea and nectar. +There was, however, one topic she could rely on: one spring that +she had only to touch to set his simple machinery in motion. She +had refrained from touching it because it was a last resource, +and she had relied on other arts to stimulate other sensations; +but as a settled look of dulness began to creep over his candid +features, she saw that extreme measures were necessary. + +"And how," she said, leaning forward, "are you getting on with +your Americana?" + +His eye became a degree less opaque: it was as though an +incipient film had been removed from it, and she felt the pride +of a skilful operator. + +"I've got a few new things," he said, suffused with pleasure, but +lowering his voice as though he feared his fellow-passengers +might be in league to despoil him. + +She returned a sympathetic enquiry, and gradually he was drawn on +to talk of his latest purchases. It was the one subject which +enabled him to forget himself, or allowed him, rather, to +remember himself without constraint, because he was at home in +it, and could assert a superiority that there were few to +dispute. Hardly any of his acquaintances cared for Americana, or +knew anything about them; and the consciousness of this ignorance +threw Mr. Gryce's knowledge into agreeable relief. The only +difficulty was to introduce the topic and to keep it to the +front; most people showed no desire to have their ignorance +dispelled, and Mr. Gryce was like a merchant whose warehouses are +crammed with an unmarketable commodity. + +But Miss Bart, it appeared, really did want to know about +Americana; and moreover, she was already sufficiently informed to +make the task of farther instruction as easy as it was agreeable. +She questioned him intelligently, she heard him submissively; +and, prepared for the look of lassitude which usually crept over +his listeners' faces, he grew eloquent under her receptive gaze. +The "points" she had had the presence of mind to glean from +Selden, in anticipation of this very contingency, were serving +her to such good purpose that she began to think her visit to him +had been the luckiest incident of the day. She had once more +shown her talent for profiting by the unexpected, and dangerous +theories as to the advisability of yielding to impulse were +germinating under the surface of smiling attention which she +continued to present to her companion. + +Mr. Gryce's sensations, if less definite, were equally agreeable. +He felt the confused titillation with which the lower organisms +welcome the gratification of their needs, and all his senses +floundered in a vague well-being, through which Miss Bart's +personality was dimly but pleasantly perceptible. + +Mr. Gryce's interest in Americana had not originated with +himself: it was impossible to think of him as evolving any taste +of his own. An uncle had left him a collection already noted +among bibliophiles; the existence of the collection was +the only fact that had ever shed glory on the name of Gryce, and +the nephew took as much pride in his inheritance as though it had +been his own work. Indeed, he gradually came to regard it as +such, and to feel a sense of personal complacency when he chanced +on any reference to the Gryce Americana. Anxious as he was to +avoid personal notice, he took, in the printed mention of his +name, a pleasure so exquisite and excessive that it seemed a +compensation for his shrinking from publicity. + +To enjoy the sensation as often as possible, he subscribed to all +the reviews dealing with book-collecting in general, and American +history in particular, and as allusions to his library abounded +in the pages of these journals, which formed his only reading, he +came to regard himself as figuring prominently in the public eye, +and to enjoy the thought of the interest which would be excited +if the persons he met in the street, or sat among in travelling, +were suddenly to be told that he was the possessor of the Gryce +Americana. + +Most timidities have such secret compensations, and Miss Bart was +discerning enough to know that the inner vanity is generally in +proportion to the outer self-depreciation. With a more confident +person she would not have dared to dwell so long on one topic, or +to show such exaggerated interest in it; but she had rightly +guessed that Mr. Gryce's egoism was a thirsty soil, requiring +constant nurture from without. Miss Bart had the gift of +following an undercurrent of thought while she appeared to be +sailing on the surface of conversation; and in this case her +mental excursion took the form of a rapid survey of Mr. Percy +Gryce's future as combined with her own. The Gryces were from +Albany, and but lately introduced to the metropolis, where the +mother and son had come, after old Jefferson Gryce's death, to +take possession of his house in Madison Avenue--an appalling +house, all brown stone without and black walnut within, with the +Gryce library in a fire-proof annex that looked like a mausoleum. +Lily, however, knew all about them: young Mr. Gryce's arrival had +fluttered the maternal breasts of New York, and when a girl has +no mother to palpitate for her she must needs be on the alert for +herself. Lily, therefore, had not only contrived to put herself +in the young man's way, but had made the acquaintance of +Mrs. Gryce, a monumental woman with the voice of a pulpit orator +and a mind preoccupied with the iniquities of her servants, who +came sometimes to sit with Mrs. Peniston and learn from that lady +how she managed to prevent the kitchen-maid's smuggling groceries +out of the house. Mrs. Gryce had a kind of impersonal +benevolence: cases of individual need she regarded with +suspicion, but she subscribed to Institutions when their annual +reports showed an impressive surplus. Her domestic duties were +manifold, for they extended from furtive inspections of the +servants' bedrooms to unannounced descents to the cellar; but she +had never allowed herself many pleasures. Once, however, she had +had a special edition of the Sarum Rule printed in rubric and +presented to every clergyman in the diocese; and the gilt album +in which their letters of thanks were pasted formed the chief +ornament of her drawing-room table. + +Percy had been brought up in the principles which so excellent a +woman was sure to inculcate. Every form of prudence and suspicion +had been grafted on a nature originally reluctant and cautious, +with the result that it would have seemed hardly needful for Mrs. +Gryce to extract his promise about the overshoes, so little +likely was he to hazard himself abroad in the rain. After +attaining his majority, and coming into the fortune which the +late Mr. Gryce had made out of a patent device for excluding +fresh air from hotels, the young man continued to live with his +mother in Albany; but on Jefferson Gryce's death, when another +large property passed into her son's hands, Mrs. Gryce thought +that what she called his "interests" demanded his presence in New +York. She accordingly installed herself in the Madison Avenue +house, and Percy, whose sense of duty was not inferior to his +mother's, spent all his week days in the handsome Broad Street +office where a batch of pale men on small salaries had grown grey +in the management of the Gryce estate, and where he was initiated +with becoming reverence into every detail of the art of +accumulation. + +As far as Lily could learn, this had hitherto been Mr. Gryce's +only occupation, and she might have been pardoned for thinking it +not too hard a task to interest a young man who had been kept on +such low diet. At any rate, she felt herself so completely +in command of the situation that she yielded to a sense of +security in which all fear of Mr. Rosedale, and of the +difficulties on which that fear was contingent, vanished beyond +the edge of thought. + +The stopping of the train at Garrisons would not have distracted +her from these thoughts, had she not caught a sudden look of +distress in her companion's eye. His seat faced toward the door, +and she guessed that he had been perturbed by the approach of an +acquaintance; a fact confirmed by the turning of heads and +general sense of commotion which her own entrance into a +railway-carriage was apt to produce. + +She knew the symptoms at once, and was not surprised to be hailed +by the high notes of a pretty woman, who entered the train +accompanied by a maid, a bull-terrier, and a footman staggering +under a load of bags and dressing-cases. + +"Oh, Lily--are you going to Bellomont? Then you can't let me have +your seat, I suppose? But I MUST have a seat in this +carriage--porter, you must find me a place at once. Can't some +one be put somewhere else? I want to be with my friends. Oh, how +do you do, Mr. Gryce? Do please make him understand that I must +have a seat next to you and Lily." + +Mrs. George Dorset, regardless of the mild efforts of a traveller +with a carpet-bag, who was doing his best to make room for her by +getting out of the train, stood in the middle of the aisle, +diffusing about her that general sense of exasperation which a +pretty woman on her travels not infrequently creates. + +She was smaller and thinner than Lily Bart, with a restless +pliability of pose, as if she could have been crumpled up and run +through a ring, like the sinuous draperies she affected. Her +small pale face seemed the mere setting of a pair of dark +exaggerated eyes, of which the visionary gaze contrasted +curiously with her self-assertive tone and gestures; so that, as +one of her friends observed, she was like a disembodied spirit +who took up a great deal of room. + +Having finally discovered that the seat adjoining Miss Bart's was +at her disposal, she possessed herself of it with a farther +displacement of her surroundings, explaining meanwhile that she +had come across from Mount Kisco in her motor-car that morning, +and had been kicking her heels for an hour at Garrisons, without +even the alleviation of a cigarette, her brute of a +husband having neglected to replenish her case before they parted +that morning. + +"And at this hour of the day I don't suppose you've a single one +left, have you, Lily?" she plaintively concluded. + +Miss Bart caught the startled glance of Mr. Percy Gryce, whose +own lips were never defiled by tobacco. + +"What an absurd question, Bertha!" she exclaimed, blushing at the +thought of the store she had laid in at Lawrence Selden's. + +"Why, don't you smoke? Since when have you given it up? What--you +never---And you don't either, Mr. Gryce? Ah, of course--how +stupid of me--I understand." + +And Mrs. Dorset leaned back against her travelling cushions with +a smile which made Lily wish there had been no vacant seat beside +her own. + + + +Chapter 3 + +Bridge at Bellomont usually lasted till the small hours; and when +Lily went to bed that night she had played too long for her own +good. + +Feeling no desire for the self-communion which awaited her in her +room, she lingered on the broad stairway, looking down into the +hall below, where the last card-players were grouped about the +tray of tall glasses and silver-collared decanters which the +butler had just placed on a low table near the fire. + +The hall was arcaded, with a gallery supported on columns of pale +yellow marble. Tall clumps of flowering plants were grouped +against a background of dark foliage in the angles of the walls. +On the crimson carpet a deer-hound and two or three spaniels +dozed luxuriously before the fire, and the light from the great +central lantern overhead shed a brightness on the women's hair +and struck sparks from their jewels as they moved. + +There were moments when such scenes delighted Lily, when they +gratified her sense of beauty and her craving for the external +finish of life; there were others when they gave a sharper edge +to the meagreness of her own opportunities. This was one of the +moments when the sense of contrast was uppermost, and she turned +away impatiently as Mrs. George Dorset, glittering in serpentine +spangles, drew Percy Gryce in her wake to a confidential nook +beneath the gallery. + +It was not that Miss Bart was afraid of losing her newly-acquired +hold over Mr. Gryce. Mrs. Dorset might startle or dazzle him, but +she had neither the skill nor the patience to effect his capture. +She was too self-engrossed to penetrate the recesses of his +shyness, and besides, why should she care to give herself the +trouble? At most it might amuse her to make sport of his +simplicity for an evening--after that he would be merely a burden +to her, and knowing this, she was far too experienced to +encourage him. But the mere thought of that other woman, who +could take a man up and toss him aside as she willed, without +having to regard him as a possible factor in her plans, filled +Lily Bart with envy. She had been bored all the afternoon +by Percy Gryce--the mere thought seemed to waken an echo of his +droning voice--but she could not ignore him on the morrow, she +must follow up her success, must submit to more boredom, must be +ready with fresh compliances and adaptabilities, and all on the +bare chance that he might ultimately decide to do her the honour +of boring her for life. + +It was a hateful fate--but how escape from it? What choice had +she? To be herself, or a Gerty Farish. As she entered her +bedroom, with its softly-shaded lights, her lace dressing-gown +lying across the silken bedspread, her little embroidered +slippers before the fire, a vase of carnations filling the air +with perfume, and the last novels and magazines lying uncut on a +table beside the reading-lamp, she had a vision of Miss Farish's +cramped flat, with its cheap conveniences and hideous +wall-papers. No; she was not made for mean and shabby +surroundings, for the squalid compromises of poverty. Her whole +being dilated in an atmosphere of luxury; it was the background +she required, the only climate she could breathe in. But the +luxury of others was not what she wanted. A few years ago it had +sufficed her: she had taken her daily meed of pleasure without +caring who provided it. Now she was beginning to chafe at the +obligations it imposed, to feel herself a mere pensioner on the +splendour which had once seemed to belong to her. There were even +moments when she was conscious of having to pay her way. + +For a long time she had refused to play bridge. She knew she +could not afford it, and she was afraid of acquiring so expensive +a taste. She had seen the danger exemplified in more than one of +her associates--in young Ned Silverton, for instance, the +charming fair boy now seated in abject rapture at the elbow of +Mrs. Fisher, a striking divorcee with eyes and gowns as emphatic +as the head-lines of her "case." Lily could remember when young +Silverton had stumbled into their circle, with the air of a +strayed Arcadian who has published chamung sonnets in his college +journal. Since then he had developed a taste for Mrs. Fisher and +bridge, and the latter at least had involved him in expenses from +which he had been more than once rescued by harassed maiden +sisters, who treasured the sonnets, and went without sugar in +their tea to keep their darling afloat. Ned's case was +familiar to Lily: she had seen his charming eyes--which had a +good deal more poetry in them than the sonnets--change from +surprise to amusement, and from amusement to anxiety, as he +passed under the spell of the terrible god of chance; and she was +afraid of discovering the same symptoms in her own case. + +For in the last year she had found that her hostesses expected +her to take a place at the card-table. It was one of the taxes +she had to pay for their prolonged hospitality, and for the +dresses and trinkets which occasionally replenished her +insufficient wardrobe. And since she had played regularly the +passion had grown on her. Once or twice of late she had won a +large sum, and instead of keeping it against future losses, had +spent it in dress or jewelry; and the desire to atone for this +imprudence, combined with the increasing exhilaration of the +game, drove her to risk higher stakes at each fresh venture. She +tried to excuse herself on the plea that, in the Trenor set, if +one played at all one must either play high or be set down as +priggish or stingy; but she knew that the gambling passion was +upon her, and that in her present surroundings there was small +hope of resisting it. + +Tonight the luck had been persistently bad, and the little gold +purse which hung among her trinkets was almost empty when she +returned to her room. She unlocked the wardrobe, and taking out +her jewel-case, looked under the tray for the roll of bills from +which she had replenished the purse before going down to dinner. +Only twenty dollars were left: the discovery was so startling +that for a moment she fancied she must have been robbed. Then she +took paper and pencil, and seating herself at the writing-table, +tried to reckon up what she had spent during the day. Her head +was throbbing with fatigue, and she had to go over the figures +again and again; but at last it became clear to her that she had +lost three hundred dollars at cards. She took out her cheque-book +to see if her balance was larger than she remembered, but found +she had erred in the other direction. Then she returned to her +calculations; but figure as she would, she could not conjure back +the vanished three hundred dollars. It was the sum she had set +aside to pacify her dress-maker--unless she should decide to use +it as a sop to the jeweller. At any rate, she had so many +uses for it that its very insufficiency had caused her to play +high in the hope of doubling it. But of course she had lost--she +who needed every penny, while Bertha Dorset, whose husband +showered money on her, must have pocketed at least five hundred, +and Judy Trenor, who could have afforded to lose a thousand a +night, had left the table clutching such a heap of bills that she +had been unable to shake hands with her guests when they bade her +good night. + +A world in which such things could be seemed a miserable place to +Lily Bart; but then she had never been able to understand the +laws of a universe which was so ready to leave her out of its +calculations. + +She began to undress without ringing for her maid, whom she had +sent to bed. She had been long enough in bondage to other +people's pleasure to be considerate of those who depended on +hers, and in her bitter moods it sometimes struck her that she +and her maid were in the same position, except that the latter +received her wages more regularly. + +As she sat before the mirror brushing her hair, her face looked +hollow and pale, and she was frightened by two little lines near +her mouth, faint flaws in the smooth curve of the cheek. + +"Oh, I must stop worrying!" she exclaimed. "Unless it's the +electric light---" she reflected, springing up from her seat and +lighting the candles on the dressing-table. + +She turned out the wall-lights, and peered at herself between the +candle-flames. The white oval of her face swam out waveringly +from a background of shadows, the uncertain light blurring it +like a haze; but the two lines about the mouth remained. + +Lily rose and undressed in haste. + +"It is only because I am tired and have such odious things to +think about," she kept repeating; and it seemed an added +injustice that petty cares should leave a trace on the beauty +which was her only defence against them. + +But the odious things were there, and remained with her. She +returned wearily to the thought of Percy Gryce, as a wayfarer +picks up a heavy load and toils on after a brief rest. She was +almost sure she had "landed" him: a few days' work and she would +win her reward. But the reward itself seemed upalatable +just then: she could get no zest from the thought of victory. It +would be a rest from worry, no more--and how little that would +have seemed to her a few years earlier! Her ambitions had shrunk +gradually in the desiccating air of failure. But why had she +failed? Was it her own fault or that of destiny? + +She remembered how her mother, after they had lost their money, +used to say to her with a kind of fierce vindictiveness: "But +you'll get it all back--you'll get it all back, with your face." +. . . The remembrance roused a whole train of association, and +she lay in the darkness reconstructing the past out of which her +present had grown. + +A house in which no one ever dined at home unless there was +"company"; a door-bell perpetually ringing; a hall-table showered +with square envelopes which were opened in haste, and oblong +envelopes which were allowed to gather dust in the depths of a +bronze jar; a series of French and English maids giving warning +amid a chaos of hurriedly-ransacked wardrobes and dress-closets; +an equally changing dynasty of nurses and footmen; quarrels in +the pantry, the kitchen and the drawing-room; precipitate trips +to Europe, and returns with gorged trunks and days of +interminable unpacking; semi-annual discussions as to where the +summer should be spent, grey interludes of economy and brilliant +reactions of expense--such was the setting of Lily Bart's first +memories. + +Ruling the turbulent element called home was the vigorous and +determined figure of a mother still young enough to dance her +ball-dresses to rags, while the hazy outline of a neutral-tinted +father filled an intermediate space between the butler and the +man who came to wind the clocks. Even to the eyes of infancy, +Mrs. Hudson Bart had appeared young; but Lily could not recall +the time when her father had not been bald and slightly stooping, +with streaks of grey in his hair, and a tired walk. It was a +shock to her to learn afterward that he was but two years older +than her mother. + +Lily seldom saw her father by daylight. All day he was "down +town"; and in winter it was long after nightfall when she heard +his fagged step on the stairs and his hand on the school-room +door. He would kiss her in silence, and ask one or two questions +of the nurse or the governess; then Mrs. Bart's maid would +come to remind him that he was dining out, and he would hurry +away with a nod to Lily. In summer, when he joined them for a +Sunday at Newport or Southampton, he was even more effaced and +silent than in winter. It seemed to tire him to rest, and he +would sit for hours staring at the sea-line from a quiet corner +of the verandah, while the clatter of his wife's existence went +on unheeded a few feet off. Generally, however, Mrs. Bart and +Lily went to Europe for the summer, and before the steamer was +half way over Mr. Bart had dipped below the horizon. Sometimes +his daughter heard him denounced for having neglected to forward +Mrs. Bart's remittances; but for the most part he was never +mentioned or thought of till his patient stooping figure +presented itself on the New York dock as a buffer between the +magnitude of his wife's luggage and the restrictions of the +American custom-house. + +In this desultory yet agitated fashion life went on through +Lily's teens: a zig-zag broken course down which the family craft +glided on a rapid current of amusement, tugged at by the +underflow of a perpetual need--the need of more money. Lily could +not recall the time when there had been money enough, and in some +vague way her father seemed always to blame for the deficiency. +It could certainly not be the fault of Mrs. Bart, who was spoken +of by her friends as a "wonderful manager." Mrs. Bart was famous +for the unlimited effect she produced on limited means; and to +the lady and her acquaintances there was something heroic in +living as though one were much richer than one's bank-book +denoted. + +Lily was naturally proud of her mother's aptitude in this line: +she had been brought up in the faith that, whatever it cost, one +must have a good cook, and be what Mrs. Bart called "decently +dressed." Mrs. Bart's worst reproach to her husband was to ask +him if he expected her to "live like a pig"; and his replying in +the negative was always regarded as a justification for cabling +to Paris for an extra dress or two, and telephoning to the +jeweller that he might, after all, send home the turquoise +bracelet which Mrs. Bart had looked at that morning. + +Lily knew people who "lived like pigs," and their appearance and +surroundings justified her mother's repugnance to that +form of existence. They were mostly cousins, who inhabited dingy +houses with engravings from Cole's Voyage of Life on the +drawing-room walls, and slatternly parlour-maids who said "I'll +go and see" to visitors calling at an hour when all right-minded +persons are conventionally if not actually out. The disgusting +part of it was that many of these cousins were rich, so that Lily +imbibed the idea that if people lived like pigs it was from +choice, and through the lack of any proper standard of conduct. +This gave her a sense of reflected superiority, and she did not +need Mrs. Bart's comments on the family frumps and misers to +foster her naturally lively taste for splendour. + +Lily was nineteen when circumstances caused her to revise her +view of the universe. + +The previous year she had made a dazzling debut fringed by a +heavy thunder-cloud of bills. The light of the debut still +lingered on the horizon, but the cloud had thickened; and +suddenly it broke. The suddenness added to the horror; and there +were still times when Lily relived with painful vividness every +detail of the day on which the blow fell. She and her mother had +been seated at the luncheon-table, over the CHAUFROIX and cold +salmon of the previous night's dinner: it was one of Mrs. Bart's +few economies to consume in private the expensive remnants of her +hospitality. Lily was feeling the pleasant languor which is +youth's penalty for dancing till dawn; but her mother, in spite +of a few lines about the mouth, and under the yellow waves on her +temples, was as alert, determined and high in colour as if she +had risen from an untroubled sleep. + +In the centre of the table, between the melting MARRONS GLACES +and candied cherries, a pyramid of American Beauties lifted their +vigorous stems; they held their heads as high as Mrs. Bart, but +their rose-colour had turned to a dissipated purple, and Lily's +sense of fitness was disturbed by their reappearance on the +luncheon-table. + +"I really think, mother," she said reproachfully, "we might +afford a few fresh flowers for luncheon. Just some jonquils or +lilies-of-the-valley---" + +Mrs. Bart stared. Her own fastidiousness had its eye fixed on the +world, and she did not care how the luncheon-table looked +when there was no one present at it but the family. But she +smiled at her daughter's innocence. + +"Lilies-of-the-valley," she said calmly, "cost two dollars a +dozen at this season." + +Lily was not impressed. She knew very little of the value of +money. + +"It would not take more than six dozen to fill that bowl," she +argued. + +"Six dozen what?" asked her father's voice in the doorway. + +The two women looked up in surprise; though it was a Saturday, +the sight of Mr. Bart at luncheon was an unwonted one. But +neither his wife nor his daughter was sufficiently interested to +ask an explanation. + +Mr. Bart dropped into a chair, and sat gazing absently at the +fragment of jellied salmon which the butler had placed before +him. + +"I was only saying," Lily began, "that I hate to see faded +flowers at luncheon; and mother says a bunch of lilies-of-the- +valley would not cost more than twelve dollars. Mayn't I tell the +florist to send a few every day?" + +She leaned confidently toward her father: he seldom refused her +anything, and Mrs. Bart had taught her to plead with him when her +own entreaties failed. + +Mr. Bart sat motionless, his gaze still fixed on the salmon, and +his lower jaw dropped; he looked even paler than usual, and his +thin hair lay in untidy streaks on his forehead. Suddenly he +looked at his daughter and laughed. The laugh was so strange that +Lily coloured under it: she disliked being ridiculed, and her +father seemed to see something ridiculous in the request. Perhaps +he thought it foolish that she should trouble him about such a +trifle. + +"Twelve dollars--twelve dollars a day for flowers? Oh, certainly, +my dear--give him an order for twelve hundred." He continued to +laugh. + +Mrs. Bart gave him a quick glance. + +"You needn't wait, Poleworth--I will ring for you," she said to +the butler. + +The butler withdrew with an air of silent disapproval, leaving +the remains of the CHAUFROIX on the sideboard. + +"What is the matter, Hudson? Are you ill?" said Mrs. Bart +severely. + +She had no tolerance for scenes which were not of her own making, +and it was odious to her that her husband should make a show of +himself before the servants. + +"Are you ill?" she repeated. + +"Ill?---No, I'm ruined," he said. + +Lily made a frightened sound, and Mrs. Bart rose to her +feet. + +"Ruined---?" she cried; but controlling herself instantly, she +turned a calm face to Lily. + +"Shut the pantry door," she said. + +Lily obeyed, and when she turned back into the room her father +was sitting with both elbows on the table, the plate of salmon +between them, and his head bowed on his hands. + +Mrs. Bart stood over him with a white face which made her hair +unnaturally yellow. She looked at Lily as the latter approached: +her look was terrible, but her voice was modulated to a ghastly +cheerfulness. + +"Your father is not well--he doesn't know what he is saying. It +is nothing--but you had better go upstairs; and don't talk to the +servants," she added. + +Lily obeyed; she always obeyed when her mother spoke in that +voice. She had not been deceived by Mrs. Bart's words: she knew +at once that they were ruined. In the dark hours which followed, +that awful fact overshadowed even her father's slow and difficult +dying. To his wife he no longer counted: he had become extinct +when he ceased to fulfil his purpose, and she sat at his side +with the provisional air of a traveller who waits for a belated +train to start. Lily's feelings were softer: she pitied him in a +frightened ineffectual way. But the fact that he was for the most +part unconscious, and that his attention, when she stole into the +room, drifted away from her after a moment, made him even more of +a stranger than in the nursery days when he had never come home +till after dark. She seemed always to have seen him through a +blur--first of sleepiness, then of distance and indifference-- +and now the fog had thickened till he was almost +indistinguishable. If she could have performed any little +services for him, or have exchanged with him a few of those +affecting words which an extensive perusal of fiction had +led her to connect with such occasions, the filial instinct might +have stirred in her; but her pity, finding no active expression, +remained in a state of spectatorship, overshadowed by her +mother's grim unflagging resentment. Every look and act of Mrs. +Bart's seemed to say: "You are sorry for him now--but you will +feel differently when you see what he has done to us." + +It was a relief to Lily when her father died. + +Then a long winter set in. There was a little money left, but to +Mrs. Bart it seemed worse than nothing--the mere mockery of what +she was entitled to. What was the use of living if one had to +live like a pig? She sank into a kind of furious apathy, a state +of inert anger against fate. Her faculty for "managing" deserted +her, or she no longer took sufficient pride in it to exert it. It +was well enough to "manage" when by so doing one could keep one's +own carriage; but when one's best contrivance did not conceal the +fact that one had to go on foot, the effort was no longer worth +making. + +Lily and her mother wandered from place to place, now paying long +visits to relations whose house-keeping Mrs. Bart criticized, and +who deplored the fact that she let Lily breakfast in bed when the +girl had no prospects before her, and now vegetating in cheap +continental refuges, where Mrs. Bart held herself fiercely aloof +from the frugal tea-tables of her companions in misfortune. She +was especially careful to avoid her old friends and the scenes of +her former successes. To be poor seemed to her such a confession +of failure that it amounted to disgrace; and she detected a note +of condescension in the friendliest advances. + +Only one thought consoled her, and that was the contemplation of +Lily's beauty. She studied it with a kind of passion, as though +it were some weapon she had slowly fashioned for her vengeance. +It was the last asset in their fortunes, the nucleus around which +their life was to be rebuilt. She watched it jealously, as though +it were her own property and Lily its mere custodian; and she +tried to instil into the latter a sense of the responsibility +that such a charge involved. She followed in imagination the +career of other beauties, pointing out to her daughter what might +be achieved through such a gift, and dwelling on the awful +warning of those who, in spite of it, had failed to get what they +wanted: to Mrs. Bart, only stupidity could explain the lamentable +denouement of some of her examples. She was not above the +inconsistency of charging fate, rather than herself, with her own +misfortunes; but she inveighed so acrimoniously against +love-matches that Lily would have fancied her own marriage had +been of that nature, had not Mrs. Bart frequently assured her +that she had been "talked into it"--by whom, she never made +clear. + +Lily was duly impressed by the magnitude of her opportunities. +The dinginess of her present life threw into enchanting relief +the existence to which she felt herself entitled. To a less +illuminated intelligence Mrs. Bart's counsels might have been +dangerous; but Lily understood that beauty is only the raw +material of conquest, and that to convert it into success other +arts are required. She knew that to betray any sense of +superiority was a subtler form of the stupidity her mother +denounced, and it did not take her long to learn that a beauty +needs more tact than the possessor of an average set of features. + +Her ambitions were not as crude as Mrs. Bart's. It had been among +that lady's grievances that her husband--in the early days, +before he was too tired--had wasted his evenings in what she +vaguely described as "reading poetry"; and among the effects +packed off to auction after his death were a score or two of +dingy volumes which had struggled for existence among the boots +and medicine bottles of his dressing-room shelves. There was in +Lily a vein of sentiment, perhaps transmitted from this source, +which gave an idealizing touch to her most prosaic purposes. She +liked to think of her beauty as a power for good, as giving her +the opportunity to attain a position where she should make her +influence felt in the vague diffusion of refinement and good +taste. She was fond of pictures and flowers, and of sentimental +fiction, and she could not help thinking that the possession of +such tastes ennobled her desire for worldly advantages. She would +not indeed have cared to marry a man who was merely rich: she +was secretly ashamed of her mother's crude passion for money. +Lily's preference would have been for an English nobleman with +political ambitions and vast estates; or, for second +choice, an Italian prince with a castle in the Apennines and an +hereditary office in the Vatican. Lost causes had a romantic +charm for her, and she liked to picture herself as standing aloof +from the vulgar press of the Quirinal, and sacrificing her +pleasure to the claims of an immemorial tradition. . . . + +How long ago and how far off it all seemed! Those ambitions were +hardly more futile and childish than the earlier ones which had +centred about the possession of a French jointed doll with real +hair. Was it only ten years since she had wavered in imagination +between the English earl and the Italian prince? Relentlessly her +mind travelled on over the dreary interval. . . . + +After two years of hungry roaming Mrs. Bart had died---died of a +deep disgust. She had hated dinginess, and it was her fate to be +dingy. Her visions of a brilliant marriage for Lily had faded +after the first year. + +"People can't marry you if they don't see you--and how can they +see you in these holes where we're stuck?" That was the burden of +her lament; and her last adjuration to her daughter was to escape +from dinginess if she could. + +"Don't let it creep up on you and drag you down. Fight your way +out of it somehow--you're young and can do it," she insisted. + +She had died during one of their brief visits to New York, and +there Lily at once became the centre of a family council composed +of the wealthy relatives whom she had been taught to despise for +living like pigs. It may be that they had an inkling of the +sentiments in which she had been brought up, for none of them +manifested a very lively desire for her company; indeed, the +question threatened to remain unsolved till Mrs. Peniston with a +sigh announced: "I'll try her for a year." + +Every one was surprised, but one and all concealed their +surprise, lest Mrs. Peniston should be alarmed by it into +reconsidering her decision. + +Mrs. Peniston was Mr. Bart's widowed sister, and if she was by no +means the richest of the family group, its other members +nevertheless abounded in reasons why she was clearly destined by +Providence to assume the charge of Lily. In the first place she +was alone, and it would be charming for her to have a +young companion. Then she sometimes travelled, and Lily's +familiarity with foreign customs--deplored as a misfortune by her +more conservative relatives--would at least enable her to act as +a kind of courier. But as a matter of fact Mrs. Peniston had not +been affected by these considerations. She had taken the girl +simply because no one else would have her, and because she had +the kind of moral MAUVAISE HONTE which makes the public display +of selfishness difficult, though it does not interfere with its +private indulgence. It would have been impossible for Mrs. +Peniston to be heroic on a desert island, but with the eyes of +her little world upon her she took a certain pleasure in her act. + +She reaped the reward to which disinterestedness is entitled, and +found an agreeable companion in her niece. She had expected to +find Lily headstrong, critical and "foreign"--for even Mrs. +Peniston, though she occasionally went abroad, had the family +dread of foreignness--but the girl showed a pliancy, which, to a +more penetrating mind than her aunt's, might have been less +reassuring than the open selfishness of youth. Misfortune had +made Lily supple instead of hardening her, and a pliable +substance is less easy to break than a stiff one. + +Mrs. Peniston, however, did not suffer from her niece's +adaptability. Lily had no intention of taking advantage of her +aunt's good nature. She was in truth grateful for the refuge +offered her: Mrs. Peniston's opulent interior was at least not +externally dingy. But dinginess is a quality which assumes all +manner of disguises; and Lily soon found that it was as latent in +the expensive routine of her aunt's life as in the makeshift +existence of a continental pension. + +Mrs. Peniston was one of the episodical persons who form the +padding of life. It was impossible to believe that she had +herself ever been a focus of activities. The most vivid thing +about her was the fact that her grandmother had been a Van +Alstyne. This connection with the well-fed and industrious stock +of early New York revealed itself in the glacial neatness of Mrs. +Peniston's drawing-room and in the excellence of her cuisine. She +belonged to the class of old New Yorkers who have always lived +well, dressed expensively, and done little else; and to these +inherited obligations Mrs. Peniston faitfully conformed. +She had always been a looker-on at life, and her mind resembled +one of those little mirrors which her Dutch ancestors were +accustomed to affix to their upper windows, so that from the +depths of an impenetrable domesticity they might see what was +happening in the street. + +Mrs. Peniston was the owner of a country-place in New Jersey, but +she had never lived there since her husband's death--a remote +event, which appeared to dwell in her memory chiefly as a +dividing point in the personal reminiscences that formed the +staple of her conversation. She was a woman who remembered dates +with intensity, and could tell at a moment's notice whether the +drawing-room curtains had been renewed before or after Mr. +Peniston's last illness. + +Mrs. Peniston thought the country lonely and trees damp, and +cherished a vague fear of meeting a bull. To guard against such +contingencies she frequented the more populous watering-places, +where she installed herself impersonally in a hired house and +looked on at life through the matting screen of her verandah. In +the care of such a guardian, it soon became clear to Lily that +she was to enjoy only the material advantages of good food and +expensive clothing; and, though far from underrating these, she +would gladly have exchanged them for what Mrs. Bart had taught +her to regard as opportunities. She sighed to think what her +mother's fierce energies would have accomplished, had they been +coupled with Mrs. Peniston's resources. Lily had abundant energy +of her own, but it was restricted by the necessity of adapting +herself to her aunt's habits. She saw that at all costs she must +keep Mrs. Peniston's favour till, as Mrs. Bart would have phrased +it, she could stand on her own legs. Lily had no mind for the +vagabond life of the poor relation, and to adapt herself to Mrs. +Peniston she had, to some degree, to assume that lady's passive +attitude. She had fancied at first that it would be easy to draw +her aunt into the whirl of her own activities, but there was a +static force in Mrs. Peniston against which her niece's efforts +spent themselves in vain. To attempt to bring her into active +relation with life was like tugging at a piece of furniture which +has been screwed to the floor. She did not, indeed, expect Lily +to remain equally immovable: she had all the American guardian's +indulgence for the volatility of youth. + +She had indulgence also for certain other habits of her niece's. +It seemed to her natural that Lily should spend all her money on +dress, and she supplemented the girl's scanty income by +occasional "handsome presents" meant to be applied to the same +purpose. Lily, who was intensely practical, would have preferred +a fixed allowance; but Mrs. Peniston liked the periodical +recurrence of gratitude evoked by unexpected cheques, and was +perhaps shrewd enough to perceive that such a method of giving +kept alive in her niece a salutary sense of dependence. + +Beyond this, Mrs. Peniston had not felt called upon to do +anything for her charge: she had simply stood aside and let her +take the field. Lily had taken it, at first with the confidence +of assured possessorship, then with gradually narrowing demands, +till now she found herself actually struggling for a foothold on +the broad space which had once seemed her own for the asking. How +it happened she did not yet know. Sometimes she thought it was +because Mrs. Peniston had been too passive, and again she feared +it was because she herself had not been passive enough. Had she +shown an undue eagerness for victory? Had she lacked patience, +pliancy and dissimulation? Whether she charged herself with these +faults or absolved herself from them, made no difference in the +sum-total of her failure. Younger and plainer girls had been +married off by dozens, and she was nine-and-twenty, and still +Miss Bart. + +She was beginning to have fits of angry rebellion against fate, +when she longed to drop out of the race and make an independent +life for herself. But what manner of life would it be? She had +barely enough money to pay her dress-makers' bills and her +gambling debts; and none of the desultory interests which she +dignified with the name of tastes was pronounced enough to enable +her to live contentedly in obscurity. Ah, no--she was too +intelligent not to be honest with herself. She knew that she +hated dinginess as much as her mother had hated it, and to her +last breath she meant to fight against it, dragging herself up +again and again above its flood till she gained the bright +pinnacles of success which presented such a slippery surface to +her clutch. + + + +Chapter 4 + +The next morning, on her breakfast tray, Miss Bart found a note +from her hostess. + +"Dearest Lily," it ran, "if it is not too much of a bore to be +down by ten, will you come to my sitting-room to help me with +some tiresome things?" + +Lily tossed aside the note and subsided on her pillows with a +sigh. It WAS a bore to be down by ten--an hour regarded at +Bellomont as vaguely synchronous with sunrise--and she knew too +well the nature of the tiresome things in question. Miss Pragg, +the secretary, had been called away, and there would be notes and +dinner-cards to write, lost addresses to hunt up, and other +social drudgery to perform. It was understood that Miss Bart +should fill the gap in such emergencies, and she usually +recognized the obligation without a murmur. + +Today, however, it renewed the sense of servitude which the +previous night's review of her cheque-book had produced. +Everything in her surroundings ministered to feelings of ease and +amenity. The windows stood open to the sparkling freshness of the +September morning, and between the yellow boughs she caught a +perspective of hedges and parterres leading by degrees of +lessening formality to the free undulations of the park. Her maid +had kindled a little fire on the hearth, and it contended +cheerfully with the sunlight which slanted across the moss-green +carpet and caressed the curved sides of an old marquetry desk. +Near the bed stood a table holding her breakfast tray, with its +harmonious porcelain and silver, a handful of violets in a +slender glass, and the morning paper folded beneath her letters. +There was nothing new to Lily in these tokens of a studied +luxury; but, though they formed a part of her atmosphere, she +never lost her sensitiveness to their charm. Mere display left +her with a sense of superior distinction; but she felt an +affinity to all the subtler manifestations of wealth. + +Mrs. Trenor's summons, however, suddenly recalled her state of +dependence, and she rose and dressed in a mood of irritability +that she was usually too prudent to indulge. She knew that such +emotions leave lines on the face as well as in the +character, and she had meant to take warning by the little +creases which her midnight survey had revealed. + +The matter-of-course tone of Mrs. Trenor's greeting deepened her +irritation. If one did drag one's self out of bed at such an +hour, and come down fresh and radiant to the monotony of +note-writing, some special recognition of the sacrifice seemed +fitting. But Mrs. Trenor's tone showed no consciousness of the +fact. + +"Oh, Lily, that's nice of you," she merely sighed across the +chaos of letters, bills and other domestic documents which gave +an incongruously commercial touch to the slender elegance of her +writing-table. + +"There are such lots of horrors this morning," she added, +clearing a space in the centre of the confusion and rising to +yield her seat to Miss Bart. + +Mrs. Trenor was a tall fair woman, whose height just saved her +from redundancy. Her rosy blondness had survived some forty years +of futile activity without showing much trace of ill-usage except +in a diminished play of feature. It was difficult to define her +beyond saying that she seemed to exist only as a hostess, not so +much from any exaggerated instinct of hospitality as because she +could not sustain life except in a crowd. The collective nature +of her interests exempted her from the ordinary rivalries of her +sex, and she knew no more personal emotion than that of hatred +for the woman who presumed to give bigger dinners or have more +amusing house-parties than herself. As her social talents, backed +by Mr. Trenor's bank-account, almost always assured her ultimate +triumph in such competitions, success had developed in her an +unscrupulous good nature toward the rest of her sex, and in Miss +Bart's utilitarian classification of her friends, Mrs. Trenor +ranked as the woman who was least likely to "go back" on her. + +"It was simply inhuman of Pragg to go off now," Mrs. Trenor +declared, as her friend seated herself at the desk. "She says her +sister is going to have a baby--as if that were anything to +having a house-party! I'm sure I shall get most horribly mixed up +and there will be some awful rows. When I was down at Tuxedo I +asked a lot of people for next week, and I've mislaid the list +and can't remember who is coming. And this week is going to be a +horrid failure too--and Gwen Van Osburgh will go back and +tell her mother how bored people were. I did mean to ask the +Wetheralls--that was a blunder of Gus's. They disapprove of Carry +Fisher, you know. As if one could help having Carry Fisher! It +WAS foolish of her to get that second divorce--Carry always +overdoes things--but she said the only way to get a penny out of +Fisher was to divorce him and make him pay alimony. And poor +Carry has to consider every dollar. It's really absurd of Alice +Wetherall to make such a fuss about meeting her, when one thinks +of what society is coming to. Some one said the other day that +there was a divorce and a case of appendicitis in every family +one knows. Besides, Carry is the only person who can keep Gus in +a good humour when we have bores in the house. Have you noticed +that ALL the husbands like her? All, I mean, except her own. It's +rather clever of her to have made a specialty of devoting herself +to dull people--the field is such a large one, and she has it +practically to herself. She finds compensations, no doubt--I know +she borrows money of Gus--but then I'd PAY her to keep him in a +good humour, so I can't complain, after all." + +Mrs. Trenor paused to enjoy the spectacle of Miss Bart's efforts +to unravel her tangled correspondence. + +"But it is only the Wetheralls and Carry," she resumed, with a +fresh note of lament. "The truth is, I'm awfully disappointed in +Lady Cressida Raith." + +"Disappointed? Had you known her before?" + +"Mercy, no--never saw her till yesterday. Lady Skiddaw sent her +over with letters to the Van Osburghs, and I heard that Maria Van +Osburgh was asking a big party to meet her this week, so I +thought it would be fun to get her away, and Jack Stepney, who +knew her in India, managed it for me. Maria was furious, and +actually had the impudence to make Gwen invite herself here, so +that they shouldn't be QUITE out of it--if I'd known what Lady +Cressida was like, they could have had her and welcome! But I +thought any friend of the Skiddaws' was sure to be amusing. You +remember what fun Lady Skiddaw was? There were times when I +simply had to send the girls out of the room. Besides, Lady +Cressida is the Duchess of Beltshire's sister, and I naturally +supposed she was the same sort; but you never can tell in those +English families. They are so big that there's room for +all kinds, and it turns out that Lady Cressida is the moral +one--married a clergy-man and does missionary work in the East +End. Think of my taking such a lot of trouble about a clergyman's +wife, who wears Indian jewelry and botanizes! She made Gus take +her all through the glass-houses yesterday, and bothered him to +death by asking him the names of the plants. Fancy treating Gus +as if he were the gardener!" + +Mrs. Trenor brought this out in a CRESCENDO of indignation. + +"Oh, well, perhaps Lady Cressida will reconcile the Wetheralls to +meeting Carry Fisher," said Miss Bart pacifically. + +"I'm sure I hope so! But she is boring all the men horribly, and +if she takes to distributing tracts, as I hear she does, it will +be too depressing. The worst of it is that she would have been so +useful at the right time. You know we have to have the Bishop +once a year, and she would have given just the right tone to +things. I always have horrid luck about the Bishop's visits," +added Mrs. Trenor, whose present misery was being fed by a +rapidly rising tide of reminiscence; "last year, when he came, +Gus forgot all about his being here, and brought home the Ned +Wintons and the Farleys--five divorces and six sets of children +between them!" + +"When is Lady Cressida going?" Lily enquired. + +Mrs. Trenor cast up her eyes in despair. "My dear, if one only +knew! I was in such a hurry to get her away from Maria that I +actually forgot to name a date, and Gus says she told some one +she meant to stop here all winter." + +"To stop here? In this house?" + +"Don't be silly--in America. But if no one else asks her--you +know they NEVER go to hotels." + +"Perhaps Gus only said it to frighten you." + +"No--I heard her tell Bertha Dorset that she had six months to +put in while her husband was taking the cure in the Engadine. You +should have seen Bertha look vacant! But it's no joke, you +know--if she stays here all the autumn she'll spoil everything, +and Maria Van Osburgh will simply exult." + +At this affecting vision Mrs. Trenor's voice trembled with +self-pity. + +"Oh, Judy--as if any one were ever bored at Bellomont!" +Miss Bart tactfully protested. "You know perfectly well that, +if Mrs. Van Osburgh were to get all the right people and leave you +with all the wrong ones, you'd manage to make things go off, +and she wouldn't." + +Such an assurance would usually have restored Mrs. Trenor's +complacency; but on this occasion it did not chase the cloud from +her brow. + +"It isn't only Lady Cressida," she lamented. "Everything has gone +wrong this week. I can see that Bertha Dorset is furious with +me." + +"Furious with you? Why?" + +"Because I told her that Lawrence Selden was coming; but he +wouldn't, after all, and she's quite unreasonable enough to think +it's my fault." + +Miss Bart put down her pen and sat absently gazing at the note +she had begun. + +"I thought that was all over," she said. + +"So it is, on his side. And of course Bertha has been idle since. +But I fancy she's out of a job just at present--and some one gave +me a hint that I had better ask Lawrence. Well, I DID ask +him--but I couldn't make him come; and now I suppose she'll take +it out of me by being perfectly nasty to every one else." + +"Oh, she may take it out of HIM by being perfectly charming--to +some one else." + +Mrs. Trenor shook her head dolefully. "She knows he wouldn't +mind. And who else is there? Alice Wetherall won't let Lucius out +of her sight. Ned Silverton can't take his eyes off Carry +Fisher--poor boy! Gus is bored by Bertha, Jack Stepney knows her +too well--and--well, to be sure, there's Percy Gryce!" + +She sat up smiling at the thought. + +Miss Bart's countenance did not reflect the smile. + +"Oh, she and Mr. Gryce would not be likely to hit it off." + +"You mean that she'd shock him and he'd bore her? Well, that's +not such a bad beginning, you know. But I hope she won't take it +into her head to be nice to him, for I asked him here on purpose +for you." + +Lily laughed. "MERCI DU COMPLIMENT! I should certainly have no +show against Bertha." + +"Do you think I am uncomplimentary? I'm not really, you know. +Every one knows you're a thousand times handsomer and cleverer +than Bertha; but then you're not nasty. And for always getting +what she wants in the long run, commend me to a nasty woman." + +Miss Bart stared in affected reproval. "I thought you were so +fond of Bertha." + +"Oh, I am--it's much safer to be fond of dangerous people. But +she IS dangerous--and if I ever saw her up to mischief it's now. +I can tell by poor George's manner. That man is a perfect +barometer--he always knows when Bertha is going to---" + +"To fall?" Miss Bart suggested. + +"Don't be shocking! You know he believes in her still. And of +course I don't say there's any real harm in Bertha. Only she +delights in making people miserable, and especially poor George." + +"Well, he seems cut out for the part--I don't wonder she likes +more cheerful companionship." + +"Oh, George is not as dismal as you think. If Bertha did worry +him he would be quite different. Or if she'd leave him alone, and +let him arrange his life as he pleases. But she doesn't dare lose +her hold of him on account of the money, and so when HE isn't +jealous she pretends to be." + +Miss Bart went on writing in silence, and her hostess sat +following her train of thought with frowning intensity. + +"Do you know," she exclaimed after a long pause, "I believe I'll +call up Lawrence on the telephone and tell him he simply MUST +come?" + +"Oh, don't," said Lily, with a quick suffusion of colour. The +blush surprised her almost as much as it did her hostess, who, +though not commonly observant of facial changes, sat staring at +her with puzzled eyes. + +"Good gracious, Lily, how handsome you are! Why? Do you dislike +him so much?" + +"Not at all; I like him. But if you are actuated by the +benevolent intention of protecting me from Bertha--I don't think +I need your protection." + +Mrs. Trenor sat up with an exclamation. "Lily!---PERCY? Do you +mean to say you've actually done it?" + +Miss Bart smiled. "I only mean to say that Mr. Gryce and I are +getting to be very good friends." + +"H'm--I see." Mrs. Trenor fixed a rapt eye upon her. "You know +they say he has eight hundred thousand a year--and spends +nothing, except on some rubbishy old books. And his mother has +heart-disease and will leave him a lot more. OH, LILY, DO GO +SLOWLY," her friend adjured her. + +Miss Bart continued to smile without annoyance. "I shouldn't, for +instance," she remarked, "be in any haste to tell him that he had +a lot of rubbishy old books." + +"No, of course not; I know you're wonderful about getting up +people's subjects. But he's horribly shy, and easily shocked, +and--and---" + +"Why don't you say it, Judy? I have the reputation of being on +the hunt for a rich husband?" + +"Oh, I don't mean that; he wouldn't believe it of you--at first," +said Mrs. Trenor, with candid shrewdness. "But you know things +are rather lively here at times--I must give Jack and Gus a +hint--and if he thought you were what his mother would call +fast--oh, well, you know what I mean. Don't wear your scarlet +CREPE-DE-CHINE for dinner, and don't smoke if you can help it, +Lily dear!" + +Lily pushed aside her finished work with a dry smile. "You're very +kind, Judy: I'll lock up my cigarettes and wear that last year's +dress you sent me this morning. And if you are really interested +in my career, perhaps you'll be kind enough not to ask me to play +bridge again this evening." + +"Bridge? Does he mind bridge, too? Oh, Lily, what an awful life +you'll lead! But of course I won't--why didn't you give me a hint +last night? There's nothing I wouldn't do, you poor duck, to see +you happy!" + +And Mrs. Trenor, glowing with her sex's eagerness to smooth the +course of true love, enveloped Lily in a long embrace. + +"You're quite sure," she added solicitously, as the latter +extricated herself, "that you wouldn't like me to telephone for +Lawrence Selden?" + +"Quite sure," said Lily. + + + +The next three days demonstrated to her own complete satisfaction +Miss Bart's ability to manage her affairs without extraneous aid. + +As she sat, on the Saturday afternoon, on the terrace at +Bellomont, she smiled at Mrs. Trenor's fear that she might go too +fast. If such a warning had ever been needful, the years had +taught her a salutary lesson, and she flattered herself that she +now knew how to adapt her pace to the object of pursuit. In the +case of Mr. Gryce she had found it well to flutter ahead, losing +herself elusively and luring him on from depth to depth of +unconscious intimacy. The surrounding atmosphere was propitious +to this scheme of courtship. Mrs. Trenor, true to her word, had +shown no signs of expecting Lily at the bridge-table, and had +even hinted to the other card-players that they were to betray no +surprise at her unwonted defection. In consequence of this hint, +Lily found herself the centre of that feminine solicitude which +envelops a young woman in the mating season. A solitude was +tacitly created for her in the crowded existence of Bellomont, +and her friends could not have shown a greater readiness for +self-effacement had her wooing been adorned with all the +attributes of romance. In Lily's set this conduct implied a +sympathetic comprehension of her motives, and Mr. Gryce rose in +her esteem as she saw the consideration he inspired. + +The terrace at Bellomont on a September afternoon was a spot +propitious to sentimental musings, and as Miss Bart stood leaning +against the balustrade above the sunken garden, at a little +distance from the animated group about the tea-table, she might +have been lost in the mazes of an inarticulate happiness. In +reality, her thoughts were finding definite utterance in the +tranquil recapitulation of the blessings in store for her. From +where she stood she could see them embodied in the form of Mr. +Gryce, who, in a light overcoat and muffler, sat somewhat +nervously on the edge of his chair, while Carry Fisher, with all +the energy of eye and gesture with which nature and art had +combined to endow her, pressed on him the duty of taking part in +the task of municipal reform. + +Mrs. Fisher's latest hobby was municipal reform. It had been +preceded by an equal zeal for socialism, which had in turn +replaced an energetic advocacy of Christian Science. Mrs. Fisher +was small, fiery and dramatic; and her hands and eyes were +admirable instruments in the service of whatever causes he +happened to espouse. She had, however, the fault common to +enthusiasts of ignoring any slackness of response on the part of +her hearers, and Lily was amused by her unconsciousness of the +resistance displayed in every angle of Mr. Gryce's attitude. Lily +herself knew that his mind was divided between the dread of +catching cold if he remained out of doors too long at that hour, +and the fear that, if he retreated to the house, Mrs. Fisher +might follow him up with a paper to be signed. Mr. Gryce had a +constitutional dislike to what he called "committing himself," +and tenderly as he cherished his health, he evidently concluded +that it was safer to stay out of reach of pen and ink till chance +released him from Mrs. Fisher's toils. Meanwhile he cast agonized +glances in the direction of Miss Bart, whose only response was to +sink into an attitude of more graceful abstraction. She had +learned the value of contrast in throwing her charms into relief, +and was fully aware of the extent to which Mrs. Fisher's +volubility was enhancing her own repose. + +She was roused from her musings by the approach of her cousin +Jack Stepney who, at Gwen Van Osburgh's side, was returning +across the garden from the tennis court. + +The couple in question were engaged in the same kind of romance +in which Lily figured, and the latter felt a certain annoyance in +contemplating what seemed to her a caricature of her own +situation. Miss Van Osburgh was a large girl with flat surfaces +and no high lights: Jack Stepney had once said of her that she +was as reliable as roast mutton. His own taste was in the line of +less solid and more highly-seasoned diet; but hunger makes any +fare palatable, and there had been times when Mr. Stepney had +been reduced to a crust. + +Lily considered with interest the expression of their faces: the +girl's turned toward her companion's like an empty plate held up +to be filled, while the man lounging at her side already betrayed +the encroaching boredom which would presently crack the thin +veneer of his smile. + +"How impatient men are!" Lily reflected. "All Jack has to do to +get everything he wants is to keep quiet and let that girl marry +him; whereas I have to calculate and contrive, and retreat and +advance, as if I were going through an intricate dance, +where one misstep would throw me hopelessly out of time." + +As they drew nearer she was whimsically struck by a kind of +family likeness between Miss Van Osburgh and Percy Gryce. There +was no resemblance of feature. Gryce was handsome in a didactic +way--he looked like a clever pupil's drawing from a +plaster-cast--while Gwen's countenance had no more modelling than +a face painted on a toy balloon. But the deeper affinity was +unmistakable: the two had the same prejudices and ideals, and the +same quality of making other standards non-existent by ignoring +them. This attribute was common to most of Lily's set: they had a +force of negation which eliminated everything beyond their own +range of perception. Gryce and Miss Van Osburgh were, in short, +made for each other by every law of moral and physical +correspondence---"Yet they wouldn't look at each other," Lily +mused, "they never do. Each of them wants a creature of a +different race, of Jack's race and mine, with all sorts of +intuitions, sensations and perceptions that they don't even guess +the existence of. And they always get what they want." + +She stood talking with her cousin and Miss Van Osburgh, till a +slight cloud on the latter's brow advised her that even cousinly +amenities were subject to suspicion, and Miss Bart, mindful of +the necessity of not exciting enmities at this crucial point of +her career, dropped aside while the happy couple proceeded toward +the tea-table. + +Seating herself on the upper step of the terrace, Lily leaned her +head against the honeysuckles wreathing the balustrade. The +fragrance of the late blossoms seemed an emanation of the +tranquil scene, a landscape tutored to the last degree of rural +elegance. In the foreground glowed the warm tints of the gardens. +Beyond the lawn, with its pyramidal pale-gold maples and velvety +firs, sloped pastures dotted with cattle; and through a long +glade the river widened like a lake under the silver light of +September. Lily did not want to join the circle about the +tea-table. They represented the future she had chosen, and she +was content with it, but in no haste to anticipate its joys. The +certainty that she could marry Percy Gryce when she pleased had +lifted a heavy load from her mind, and her money troubles were +too recent for their removal not to leave a sense of +relief which a less discerning intelligence might have taken for +happiness. Her vulgar cares were at an end. She would be able to +arrange her life as she pleased, to soar into that empyrean of +security where creditors cannot penetrate. She would have smarter +gowns than Judy Trenor, and far, far more jewels than Bertha +Dorset. She would be free forever from the shifts, the +expedients, the humiliations of the relatively poor. Instead of +having to flatter, she would be flattered; instead of being +grateful, she would receive thanks. There were old scores she +could pay off as well as old benefits she could return. And she +had no doubts as to the extent of her power. She knew that Mr. +Gryce was of the small chary type most inaccessible to impulses +and emotions. He had the kind of character in which prudence is a +vice, and good advice the most dangerous nourishment. But Lily +had known the species before: she was aware that such a guarded +nature must find one huge outlet of egoism, and she determined to +be to him what his Americana had hitherto been: the one +possession in which he took sufficient pride to spend money on +it. She knew that this generosity to self is one of the forms of +meanness, and she resolved so to identify herself with her +husband's vanity that to gratify her wishes would be to him the +most exquisite form of self-indulgence. The system might at first +necessitate a resort to some of the very shifts and expedients +from which she intended it should free her; but she felt sure +that in a short time she would be able to play the game in her +own way. How should she have distrusted her powers? Her beauty +itself was not the mere ephemeral possession it might have been +in the hands of inexperience: her skill in enhancing it, the care +she took of it, the use she made of it, seemed to give it a kind +of permanence. She felt she could trust it to carry her through +to the end. + +And the end, on the whole, was worthwhile. Life was not the +mockery she had thought it three days ago. There was room for +her, after all, in this crowded selfish world of pleasure whence, +so short a time since, her poverty had seemed to exclude her. +These people whom she had ridiculed and yet envied were glad to +make a place for her in the charmed circle about which all her +desires revolved. They were not as brutal and self-engrossed as +she had fancied--or rather, since it would no longer be +necessary to flatter and humour them, that side of their nature +became less conspicuous. Society is a revolving body which is apt +to be judged according to its place in each man's heaven; and at +present it was turning its illuminated face to Lily. + +In the rosy glow it diffused her companions seemed full of +amiable qualities. She liked their elegance, their lightness, +their lack of emphasis: even the self-assurance which at times +was so like obtuseness now seemed the natural sign of social +ascendency. They were lords of the only world she cared for, and +they were ready to admit her to their ranks and let her lord it +with them. Already she felt within her a stealing allegiance to +their standards, an acceptance of their limitations, a disbelief +in the things they did not believe in, a contemptuous pity for +the people who were not able to live as they lived. + +The early sunset was slanting across the park. Through the boughs +of the long avenue beyond the gardens she caught the flash of +wheels, and divined that more visitors were approaching. There +was a movement behind her, a scattering of steps and voices: it +was evident that the party about the tea-table was breaking up. +Presently she heard a tread behind her on the terrace. She +supposed that Mr. Gryce had at last found means to escape from +his predicament, and she smiled at the significance of his coming +to join her instead of beating an instant retreat to the +fire-side. + +She turned to give him the welcome which such gallantry deserved; +but her greeting wavered into a blush of wonder, for the man who +had approached her was Lawrence Selden. + +"You see I came after all," he said; but before she had time to +answer, Mrs. Dorset, breaking away from a lifeless colloquy with +her host, had stepped between them with a little gesture of +appropriation. + + + +Chapter 5 + +The observance of Sunday at Bellomont was chiefly marked by the +punctual appearance of the smart omnibus destined to convey the +household to the little church at the gates. Whether any one got +into the omnibus or not was a matter of secondary importance, +since by standing there it not only bore witness to the orthodox +intentions of the family, but made Mrs. Trenor feel, when she +finally heard it drive away, that she had somehow vicariously +made use of it. + +It was Mrs. Trenor's theory that her daughters actually did go to +church every Sunday; but their French governess's convictions +calling her to the rival fane, and the fatigues of the week +keeping their mother in her room till luncheon, there was seldom +any one present to verify the fact. Now and then, in a spasmodic +burst of virtue--when the house had been too uproarious over +night--Gus Trenor forced his genial bulk into a tight frock-coat +and routed his daughters from their slumbers; but habitually, as +Lily explained to Mr. Gryce, this parental duty was forgotten +till the church bells were ringing across the park, and the +omnibus had driven away empty. + +Lily had hinted to Mr. Gryce that this neglect of religious +observances was repugnant to her early traditions, and that +during her visits to Bellomont she regularly accompanied Muriel +and Hilda to church. This tallied with the assurance, also +confidentially imparted, that, never having played bridge +before, she had been "dragged into it" on the night of her +arrival, and had lost an appalling amount of money in +consequence of her ignorance of the game and of the rules of +betting. Mr. Gryce was undoubtedly enjoying Bellomont. He liked +the ease and glitter of the life, and the lustre conferred on him +by being a member of this group of rich and conspicuous people. +But he thought it a very materialistic society; there were times +when he was frightened by the talk of the men and the looks of +the ladies, and he was glad to find that Miss Bart, for all her +ease and self-possession, was not at home in so ambiguous an +atmosphere. For this reason he had been especially pleased to +learn that she would, as usual, attend the young Trenors +to church on Sunday morning; and as he paced the gravel sweep +before the door, his light overcoat on his arm and his +prayer-book in one carefully-gloved hand, he reflected agreeably +on the strength of character which kept her true to her early +training in surroundings so subversive to religious principles. + +For a long time Mr. Gryce and the omnibus had the gravel sweep to +themselves; but, far from regretting this deplorable indifference +on the part of the other guests, he found himself nourishing the +hope that Miss Bart might be unaccompanied. The precious minutes +were flying, however; the big chestnuts pawed the ground and +flecked their impatient sides with foam; the coachman seemed to +be slowly petrifying on the box, and the groom on the doorstep; +and still the lady did not come. Suddenly, however, there was a +sound of voices and a rustle of skirts in the doorway, and Mr. +Gryce, restoring his watch to his pocket, turned with a nervous +start; but it was only to find himself handing Mrs. Wetherall +into the carriage. + +The Wetheralls always went to church. They belonged to the vast +group of human automata who go through life without neglecting to +perform a single one of the gestures executed by the surrounding +puppets. It is true that the Bellomont puppets did not go to +church; but others equally important did--and Mr. and Mrs. +Wetherall's circle was so large that God was included in their +visiting-list. They appeared, therefore, punctual and resigned, +with the air of people bound for a dull "At Home," and after them +Hilda and Muriel straggled, yawning and pinning each other's +veils and ribbons as they came. They had promised Lily to go to +church with her, they declared, and Lily was such a dear old duck +that they didn't mind doing it to please her, though they +couldn't fancy what had put the idea in her head, and though for +their own part they would much rather have played lawn tennis +with Jack and Gwen, if she hadn't told them she was coming. The +Misses Trenor were followed by Lady Cressida Raith, a +weather-beaten person in Liberty silk and ethnological trinkets, +who, on seeing the omnibus, expressed her surprise that they were +not to walk across the park; but at Mrs. Wetherall's horrified +protest that the church was a mile away, her ladyship, +after a glance at the height of the other's heels, acquiesced in +the necessity of driving, and poor Mr. Gryce found himself +rolling off between four ladies for whose spiritual welfare he +felt not the least concern. + +It might have afforded him some consolation could he have known +that Miss Bart had really meant to go to church. She had even +risen earlier than usual in the execution of her purpose. She had +an idea that the sight of her in a grey gown of devotional cut, +with her famous lashes drooped above a prayer-book, would put the +finishing touch to Mr. Gryce's subjugation, and render inevitable +a certain incident which she had resolved should form a part of +the walk they were to take together after luncheon. Her +intentions in short had never been more definite; but poor Lily, +for all the hard glaze of her exterior, was inwardly as malleable +as wax. Her faculty for adapting herself, for entering into other +people's feelings, if it served her now and then in small +contingencies, hampered her in the decisive moments of life. She +was like a water-plant in the flux of the tides, and today the +whole current of her mood was carrying her toward Lawrence +Selden. Why had he come? Was it to see herself or Bertha Dorset? +It was the last question which, at that moment, should have +engaged her. She might better have contented herself with +thinking that he had simply responded to the despairing summons +of his hostess, anxious to interpose him between herself and the +ill-humour of Mrs. Dorset. But Lily had not rested till she +learned from Mrs. Trenor that Selden had come of his own accord. +"He didn't even wire me--he just happened to find the trap at the +station. Perhaps it's not over with Bertha after all," Mrs. +Trenor musingly concluded; and went away to arrange her +dinner-cards accordingly. + +Perhaps it was not, Lily reflected; but it should be soon, unless +she had lost her cunning. If Selden had come at Mrs. Dorset's +call, it was at her own that he would stay. So much the previous +evening had told her. Mrs. Trenor, true to her simple principle +of making her married friends happy, had placed Selden and Mrs. +Dorset next to each other at dinner; but, in obedience to the +time-honoured traditions of the match-maker, she had separated +Lily and Mr. Gryce, sending in the former with George +Dorset, while Mr. Gryce was coupled with Gwen Van Osburgh. + +George Dorset's talk did not interfere with the range of his +neighbour's thoughts. He was a mournful dyspeptic, intent on +finding out the deleterious ingredients of every dish and +diverted from this care only by the sound of his wife's voice. On +this occasion, however, Mrs. Dorset took no part in the general +conversation. She sat talking in low murmurs with Selden, and +turning a contemptuous and denuded shoulder toward her host, who, +far from resenting his exclusion, plunged into the excesses of +the MENU with the joyous irresponsibility of a free man. To Mr. +Dorset, however, his wife's attitude was a subject of such +evident concern that, when he was not scraping the sauce from his +fish, or scooping the moist bread-crumbs from the interior of his +roll, he sat straining his thin neck for a glimpse of her between +the lights. + +Mrs. Trenor, as it chanced, had placed the husband and wife on +opposite sides of the table, and Lily was therefore able to +observe Mrs. Dorset also, and by carrying her glance a few feet +farther, to set up a rapid comparison between Lawrence Selden and +Mr. Gryce. It was that comparison which was her undoing. Why else +had she suddenly grown interested in Selden? She had known him +for eight years or more: ever since her return to America he had +formed a part of her background. She had always been glad to sit +next to him at dinner, had found him more agreeable than most +men, and had vaguely wished that he possessed the other qualities +needful to fix her attention; but till now she had been too busy +with her own affairs to regard him as more than one of the +pleasant accessories of life. Miss Bart was a keen reader of her +own heart, and she saw that her sudden preoccupation with Selden +was due to the fact that his presence shed a new light on her +surroundings. Not that he was notably brilliant or exceptional; +in his own profession he was surpassed by more than one man who +had bored Lily through many a weary dinner. It was rather that he +had preserved a certain social detachment, a happy air of viewing +the show objectively, of having points of contact outside the +great gilt cage in which they were all huddled for the mob to +gape at. How alluring the world outside the cage appeared +to Lily, as she heard its door clang on her! In reality, as she +knew, the door never clanged: it stood always open; but most of +the captives were like flies in a bottle, and having once flown +in, could never regain their freedom. It was Selden's distinction +that he had never forgotten the way out. + +That was the secret of his way of readjusting her vision. Lily, +turning her eyes from him, found herself scanning her little +world through his retina: it was as though the pink lamps had +been shut off and the dusty daylight let in. She looked down the +long table, studying its occupants one by one, from Gus Trenor, +with his heavy carnivorous head sunk between his shoulders, as he +preyed on a jellied plover, to his wife, at the opposite end of +the long bank of orchids, suggestive, with her glaring +good-looks, of a jeweller's window lit by electricity. And +between the two, what a long stretch of vacuity! How dreary and +trivial these people were! Lily reviewed them with a scornful +impatience: Carry Fisher, with her shoulders, her eyes, her +divorces, her general air of embodying a "spicy paragraph"; young +Silverton, who had meant to live on proof-reading and write an +epic, and who now lived on his friends and had become critical of +truffles; Alice Wetherall, an animated visiting-list, whose most +fervid convictions turned on the wording of invitations and the +engraving of dinner-cards; Wetherall, with his perpetual nervous +nod of acquiescence, his air of agreeing with people before he +knew what they were saying; Jack Stepney, with his confident +smile and anxious eyes, half way between the sheriff and an +heiress; Gwen Van Osburgh, with all the guileless confidence of a +young girl who has always been told that there is no one richer +than her father. + +Lily smiled at her classification of her friends. How different +they had seemed to her a few hours ago! Then they had symbolized +what she was gaining, now they stood for what she was giving up. +That very afternoon they had seemed full of brilliant qualities; +now she saw that they were merely dull in a loud way. Under the +glitter of their opportunities she saw the poverty of their +achievement. It was not that she wanted them to be more +disinterested; but she would have liked them to be more +picturesque. And she had a shamed recollection of the way +in which, a few hours since, she had felt the centripetal force +of their standards. She closed her eyes an instant, and the +vacuous routine of the life she had chosen stretched before her +like a long white road without dip or turning: it was true she +was to roll over it in a carriage instead of trudging it on foot, +but sometimes the pedestrian enjoys the diversion of a short cut +which is denied to those on wheels. + +She was roused by a chuckle which Mr. Dorset seemed to eject from +the depths of his lean throat. + +"I say, do look at her," he exclaimed, turning to Miss Bart with +lugubrious merriment--"I beg your pardon, but do just look at my +wife making a fool of that poor devil over there! One would +really suppose she was gone on him--and it's all the other way +round, I assure you." + +Thus adjured, Lily turned her eyes on the spectacle which was +affording Mr. Dorset such legitimate mirth. It certainly +appeared, as he said, that Mrs. Dorset was the more active +participant in the scene: her neighbour seemed to receive her +advances with a temperate zest which did not distract him from +his dinner. The sight restored Lily's good humour, and knowing +the peculiar disguise which Mr. Dorset's marital fears assumed, +she asked gaily: "Aren't you horribly jealous of her?" + +Dorset greeted the sally with delight. "Oh, abominably--you've +just hit it--keeps me awake at night. The doctors tell me that's +what has knocked my digestion out--being so infernally jealous of +her.--I can't eat a mouthful of this stuff, you know," he added +suddenly, pushing back his plate with a clouded countenance; and +Lily, unfailingly adaptable, accorded her radiant attention to +his prolonged denunciation of other people's cooks, with a +supplementary tirade on the toxic qualities of melted butter. + +It was not often that he found so ready an ear; and, being a man +as well as a dyspeptic, it may be that as he poured his +grievances into it he was not insensible to its rosy symmetry. At +any rate he engaged Lily so long that the sweets were being +handed when she caught a phrase on her other side, where Miss +Corby, the comic woman of the company, was bantering Jack Stepney +on his approaching engagement. Miss Corby's role was +jocularity: she always entered the conversation with a +handspring. + +"And of course you'll have Sim Rosedale as best man!" Lily heard +her fling out as the climax of her prognostications; and Stepney +responded, as if struck: "Jove, that's an idea. What a thumping +present I'd get out of him!" + +SIM ROSEDALE! The name, made more odious by its diminutive, +obtruded itself on Lily's thoughts like a leer. It stood for one +of the many hated possibilities hovering on the edge of life. If +she did not marry Percy Gryce, the day might come when she would +have to be civil to such men as Rosedale. IF SHE DID NOT MARRY +HIM? But she meant to marry him--she was sure of him and sure of +herself. She drew back with a shiver from the pleasant paths in +which her thoughts had been straying, and set her feet once more +in the middle of the long white road.... When she went upstairs +that night she found that the late post had brought her a fresh +batch of bills. Mrs. Peniston, who was a conscientious woman, had +forwarded them all to Bellomont. + +Miss Bart, accordingly, rose the next morning with the most +earnest conviction that it was her duty to go to church. She tore +herself betimes from the lingering enjoyment of her +breakfast-tray, rang to have her grey gown laid out, and +despatched her maid to borrow a prayer-book from Mrs. Trenor. + +But her course was too purely reasonable not to contain the germs +of rebellion. No sooner were her preparations made than they +roused a smothered sense of resistance. A small spark was enough +to kindle Lily's imagination, and the sight of the grey dress and +the borrowed prayer-book flashed a long light down the years. She +would have to go to church with Percy Gryce every Sunday. They +would have a front pew in the most expensive church in New York, +and his name would figure handsomely in the list of parish +charities. In a few years, when he grew stouter, he would be made +a warden. Once in the winter the rector would come to dine, and +her husband would beg her to go over the list and see that no +DIVORCEES were included, except those who had showed signs of +penitence by being re-married to the very wealthy. There was +nothing especially arduous in this round of religious +obligations; but it stood for a fraction of that great bulk of +boredom which loomed across her path. And who could consent to be +bored on such a morning? Lily had slept well, and her bath had +filled her with a pleasant glow, which was becomingly reflected +in the clear curve of her cheek. No lines were visible this +morning, or else the glass was at a happier angle. + +And the day was the accomplice of her mood: it was a day for +impulse and truancy. The light air seemed full of powdered gold; +below the dewy bloom of the lawns the woodlands blushed and +smouldered, and the hills across the river swam in molten blue. +Every drop of blood in Lily's veins invited her to happiness. + +The sound of wheels roused her from these musings, and leaning +behind her shutters she saw the omnibus take up its freight. She +was too late, then--but the fact did not alarm her. A glimpse of +Mr. Gryce's crestfallen face even suggested that she had done +wisely in absenting herself, since the disappointment he so +candidly betrayed would surely whet his appetite for the +afternoon walk. That walk she did not mean to miss; one glance at +the bills on her writing-table was enough to recall its +necessity. But meanwhile she had the morning to herself, and +could muse pleasantly on the disposal of its hours. She was +familiar enough with the habits of Bellomont to know that she was +likely to have a free field till luncheon. She had seen the +Wetheralls, the Trenor girls and Lady Cressida packed safely into +the omnibus; Judy Trenor was sure to be having her hair +shampooed; Carry Fisher had doubtless carried off her host for a +drive; Ned Silverton was probably smoking the cigarette of young +despair in his bedroom; and Kate Corby was certain to be playing +tennis with Jack Stepney and Miss Van Osburgh. Of the ladies, +this left only Mrs. Dorset unaccounted for, and Mrs. Dorset never +came down till luncheon: her doctors, she averred, had forbidden +her to expose herself to the crude air of the morning. + +To the remaining members of the party Lily gave no special +thought; wherever they were, they were not likely to interfere +with her plans. These, for the moment, took the shape of assuming +a dress somewhat more rustic and summerlike in style than the +garment she had first selected, and rustling downstairs, +sunshade in hand, with the disengaged air of a lady in quest of +exercise. The great hall was empty but for the knot of dogs by +the fire, who, taking in at a glance the outdoor aspect of Miss +Bart, were upon her at once with lavish offers of companionship. +She put aside the ramming paws which conveyed these offers, and +assuring the joyous volunteers that she might presently have a +use for their company, sauntered on through the empty +drawing-room to the library at the end of the house. The library +was almost the only surviving portion of the old manor-house of +Bellomont: a long spacious room, revealing the traditions of the +mother-country in its classically-cased doors, the Dutch tiles of +the chimney, and the elaborate hob-grate with its shining brass +urns. A few family portraits of lantern-jawed gentlemen in +tie-wigs, and ladies with large head-dresses and small bodies, +hung between the shelves lined with pleasantly-shabby books: +books mostly contemporaneous with the ancestors in question, and +to which the subsequent Trenors had made no perceptible +additions. The library at Bellomont was in fact never used for +reading, though it had a certain popularity as a smoking-room or +a quiet retreat for flirtation. It had occurred to Lily, however, +that it might on this occasion have been resorted to by the only +member of the party in the least likely to put it to its original +use. She advanced noiselessly over the dense old rug scattered +with easy-chairs, and before she reached the middle of the room +she saw that she had not been mistaken. Lawrence Selden was in +fact seated at its farther end; but though a book lay on his +knee, his attention was not engaged with it, but directed to a +lady whose lace-clad figure, as she leaned back in an adjoining +chair, detached itself with exaggerated slimness against the +dusky leather upholstery. + +Lily paused as she caught sight of the group; for a moment she +seemed about to withdraw, but thinking better of this, she +announced her approach by a slight shake of her skirts which made +the couple raise their heads, Mrs. Dorset with a look of frank +displeasure, and Selden with his usual quiet smile. The sight of +his composure had a disturbing effect on Lily; but to be +disturbed was in her case to make a more brilliant effort at +self-possession. + +"Dear me, am I late?" she asked, putting a hand in his as he +advanced to greet her. + +"Late for what?" enquired Mrs. Dorset tartly. "Not for luncheon, +certainly--but perhaps you had an earlier engagement?" + +"Yes, I had," said Lily confidingly. + +"Really? Perhaps I am in the way, then? But Mr. Selden is +entirely at your disposal." Mrs. Dorset was pale with temper, and +her antagonist felt a certain pleasure in prolonging her +distress. + +"Oh, dear, no--do stay," she said good-humouredly. "I don't in +the least want to drive you away." + +"You're awfully good, dear, but I never interfere with Mr. +Selden's engagements." + +The remark was uttered with a little air of proprietorship not +lost on its object, who concealed a faint blush of annoyance by +stooping to pick up the book he had dropped at Lily's approach. +The latter's eyes widened charmingly and she broke into a light +laugh. + +"But I have no engagement with Mr. Selden! My engagement was to +go to church; and I'm afraid the omnibus has started without me. +HAS it started, do you know?" + +She turned to Selden, who replied that he had heard it drive away +some time since. + +"Ah, then I shall have to walk; I promised Hilda and Muriel to go +to church with them. It's too late to walk there, you say? Well, +I shall have the credit of trying, at any rate--and the advantage +of escaping part of the service. I'm not so sorry for myself, +after all!" + +And with a bright nod to the couple on whom she had intruded, +Miss Bart strolled through the glass doors and carried her +rustling grace down the long perspective of the garden walk. + +She was taking her way churchward, but at no very quick pace; a +fact not lost on one of her observers, who stood in the doorway +looking after her with an air of puzzled amusement. The truth is +that she was conscious of a somewhat keen shock of +disappointment. All her plans for the day had been built on the +assumption that it was to see her that Selden had come to +Bellomont. She had expected, when she came downstairs, to +find him on the watch for her; and she had found him, instead, in +a situation which might well denote that he had been on the watch +for another lady. Was it possible, after all, that he had come +for Bertha Dorset? The latter had acted on the assumption to the +extent of appearing at an hour when she never showed herself to +ordinary mortals, and Lily, for the moment, saw no way of putting +her in the wrong. It did not occur to her that Selden might have +been actuated merely by the desire to spend a Sunday out of town: +women never learn to dispense with the sentimental motive in +their judgments of men. But Lily was not easily disconcerted; +competition put her on her mettle, and she reflected that +Selden's coming, if it did not declare him to be still in Mrs. +Dorset's toils, showed him to be so completely free from them +that he was not afraid of her proximity. + +These thoughts so engaged her that she fell into a gait hardly +likely to carry her to church before the sermon, and at length, +having passed from the gardens to the wood-path beyond, so far +forgot her intention as to sink into a rustic seat at a bend of +the walk. The spot was charming, and Lily was not insensible to +the charm, or to the fact that her presence enhanced it; but she +was not accustomed to taste the joys of solitude except in +company, and the combination of a handsome girl and a romantic +scene struck her as too good to be wasted. No one, however, +appeared to profit by the opportunity; and after a half hour of +fruitless waiting she rose and wandered on. She felt a stealing +sense of fatigue as she walked; the sparkle had died out of her, +and the taste of life was stale on her lips. She hardly knew what +she had been seeking, or why the failure to find it had so +blotted the light from her sky: she was only aware of a vague +sense of failure, of an inner isolation deeper than the +loneliness about her. + +Her footsteps flagged, and she stood gazing listlessly ahead, +digging the ferny edge of the path with the tip of her sunshade. +As she did so a step sounded behind her, and she saw Selden at +her side. + +"How fast you walk!" he remarked. "I thought I should never catch +up with you." + +She answered gaily: "You must be quite breathless! I've been +sitting under that tree for an hour." + +"Waiting for me, I hope?" he rejoined; and she said with a vague +laugh: + +"Well--waiting to see if you would come." + +"I seize the distinction, but I don't mind it, since doing the +one involved doing the other. But weren't you sure that I should +come?" + +"If I waited long enough--but you see I had only a limited time +to give to the experiment." + +"Why limited? Limited by luncheon?" + +"No; by my other engagement." + +"Your engagement to go to church with Muriel and Hilda?" + +"No; but to come home from church with another person." + +"Ah, I see; I might have known you were fully provided with +alternatives. And is the other person coming home this way?" + +Lily laughed again. "That's just what I don't know; and to find +out, it is my business to get to church before the service is +over." + +"Exactly; and it is my business to prevent your doing so; in +which case the other person, piqued by your absence, will form +the desperate resolve of driving back in the omnibus." + +Lily received this with fresh appreciation; his nonsense was like +the bubbling of her inner mood. "Is that what you would do in +such an emergency?" she enquired. + +Selden looked at her with solemnity. "I am here to prove to you," +he cried, "what I am capable of doing in an emergency!" + +"Walking a mile in an hour--you must own that the omnibus would +be quicker!" + +"Ah--but will he find you in the end? That's the only test of +success." + +They looked at each other with the same luxury of enjoyment that +they had felt in exchanging absurdities over his tea-table; but +suddenly Lily's face changed, and she said: "Well, if it is, he +has succeeded." + +Selden, following her glance, perceived a party of people +advancing toward them from the farther bend of the path. Lady +Cressida had evidently insisted on walking home, and the rest of +the church-goers had thought it their duty to accompany +her. Lily's companion looked rapidly from one to the other of the +two men of the party; Wetherall walking respectfully at Lady +Cressida's side with his little sidelong look of nervous +attention, and Percy Gryce bringing up the rear with Mrs. +Wetherall and the Trenors. + +"Ah--now I see why you were getting up your Americana!" Selden +exclaimed with a note of the freest admiration but the blush with +which the sally was received checked whatever amplifications he +had meant to give it. + +That Lily Bart should object to being bantered about her suitors, +or even about her means of attracting them, was so new to Selden +that he had a momentary flash of surprise, which lit up a number +of possibilities; but she rose gallantly to the defence of her +confusion, by saying, as its object approached: "That was why I +was waiting for you--to thank you for having given me so many +points!" + +"Ah, you can hardly do justice to the subject in such a short +time," said Selden, as the Trenor girls caught sight of Miss +Bart; and while she signalled a response to their boisterous +greeting, he added quickly: "Won't you devote your afternoon to +it? You know I must be off tomorrow morning. We'll take a walk, +and you can thank me at your leisure." + + + +Chapter 6 + +The afternoon was perfect. A deeper stillness possessed the air, +and the glitter of the American autumn was tempered by a haze +which diffused the brightness without dulling it. + +In the woody hollows of the park there was already a faint chill; +but as the ground rose the air grew lighter, and ascending the +long slopes beyond the high-road, Lily and her companion reached +a zone of lingering summer. The path wound across a meadow with +scattered trees; then it dipped into a lane plumed with asters +and purpling sprays of bramble, whence, through the light quiver +of ash-leaves, the country unrolled itself in pastoral distances. + +Higher up, the lane showed thickening tufts of fern and of the +creeping glossy verdure of shaded slopes; trees began to overhang +it, and the shade deepened to the checkered dusk of a +beech-grove. The boles of the trees stood well apart, with only a +light feathering of undergrowth; the path wound along the edge of +the wood, now and then looking out on a sunlit pasture or on an +orchard spangled with fruit. + +Lily had no real intimacy with nature, but she had a passion for +the appropriate and could be keenly sensitive to a scene which +was the fitting background of her own sensations. The landscape +outspread below her seemed an enlargement of her present mood, +and she found something of herself in its calmness, its breadth, +its long free reaches. On the nearer slopes the sugar-maples +wavered like pyres of light; lower down was a massing of grey +orchards, and here and there the lingering green of an oak-grove. +Two or three red farm-houses dozed under the apple-trees, and the +white wooden spire of a village church showed beyond the shoulder +of the hill; while far below, in a haze of dust, the high-road +ran between the fields. + +"Let us sit here," Selden suggested, as they reached an open +ledge of rock above which the beeches rose steeply between mossy +boulders. + +Lily dropped down on the rock, glowing with her long climb. She +sat quiet, her lips parted by the stress of the ascent, +her eyes wandering peacefully over the broken ranges of the +landscape. Selden stretched himself on the grass at her feet, +tilting his hat against the level sun-rays, and clasping his +hands behind his head, which rested against the side of the rock. +He had no wish to make her talk; her quick-breathing silence +seemed a part of the general hush and harmony of things. In his +own mind there was only a lazy sense of pleasure, veiling the +sharp edges of sensation as the September haze veiled the scene +at their feet. But Lily, though her attitude was as calm as his, +was throbbing inwardly with a rush of thoughts. There were in her +at the moment two beings, one drawing deep breaths of freedom and +exhilaration, the other gasping for air in a little black +prison-house of fears. But gradually the captive's gasps grew +fainter, or the other paid less heed to them: the horizon +expanded, the air grew stronger, and the free spirit quivered for +flight. + +She could not herself have explained the sense of buoyancy which +seemed to lift and swing her above the sun-suffused world at her +feet. Was it love, she wondered, or a mere fortuitous combination +of happy thoughts and sensations? How much of it was owing to the +spell of the perfect afternoon, the scent of the fading woods, +the thought of the dulness she had fled from? Lily had no +definite experience by which to test the quality of her feelings. +She had several times been in love with fortunes or careers, but +only once with a man. That was years ago, when she first came +out, and had been smitten with a romantic passion for a young +gentleman named Herbert Melson, who had blue eyes and a little +wave in his hair. Mr. Melson, who was possessed of no other +negotiable securities, had hastened to employ these in capturing +the eldest Miss Van Osburgh: since then he had grown stout and +wheezy, and was given to telling anecdotes about his children. If +Lily recalled this early emotion it was not to compare it with +that which now possessed her; the only point of comparison was +the sense of lightness, of emancipation, which she remembered +feeling, in the whirl of a waltz or the seclusion of a +conservatory, during the brief course of her youthful romance. +She had not known again till today that lightness, that glow of +freedom; but now it was something more than a blind groping of +the blood. The peculiar charm of her feeling for Selden +was that she understood it; she could put her finger on every +link of the chain that was drawing them together. Though his +popularity was of the quiet kind, felt rather than actively +expressed among his friends, she had never mistaken his +inconspicuousness for obscurity. His reputed cultivation was +generally regarded as a slight obstacle to easy intercourse, but +Lily, who prided herself on her broad-minded recognition of +literature, and always carried an Omar Khayam in her +travelling-bag, was attracted by this attribute, which she felt +would have had its distinction in an older society. It was, +moreover, one of his gifts to look his part; to have a height +which lifted his head above the crowd, and the keenly-modelled +dark features which, in a land of amorphous types, gave him the +air of belonging to a more specialized race, of carrying the +impress of a concentrated past. Expansive persons found him a +little dry, and very young girls thought him sarcastic; but this +air of friendly aloofness, as far removed as possible from any +assertion of personal advantage, was the quality which piqued +Lily's interest. Everything about him accorded with the +fastidious element in her taste, even to the light irony with +which he surveyed what seemed to her most sacred. She admired him +most of all, perhaps, for being able to convey as distinct a +sense of superiority as the richest man she had ever met. + +It was the unconscious prolongation of this thought which led her +to say presently, with a laugh: "I have broken two engagements +for you today. How many have you broken for me?" + +"None," said Selden calmly. "My only engagement at Bellomont was +with you." + +She glanced down at him, faintly smiling. + +"Did you really come to Bellomont to see me?" + +"Of course I did." + +Her look deepened meditatively. "Why?" she murmured, with an +accent which took all tinge of coquetry from the question. + +"Because you're such a wonderful spectacle: I always like to see +what you are doing." + +"How do you know what I should be doing if you were not here?" + +Selden smiled. "I don't flatter myself that my coming has +deflected your course of action by a hair's breadth." + +"That's absurd--since, if you were not here, I could obviously +not be taking a walk with you." + +"No; but your taking a walk with me is only another way of making +use of your material. You are an artist and I happen to be the +bit of colour you are using today. It's a part of your cleverness +to be able to produce premeditated effects extemporaneously." + +Lily smiled also: his words were too acute not to strike her +sense of humour. It was true that she meant to use the accident +of his presence as part of a very definite effect; or that, at +least, was the secret pretext she had found for breaking her +promise to walk with Mr. Gryce. She had sometimes been accused of +being too eager--even Judy Trenor had warned her to go slowly. +Well, she would not be too eager in this case; she would give her +suitor a longer taste of suspense. Where duty and inclination +jumped together, it was not in Lily's nature to hold them +asunder. She had excused herself from the walk on the plea of a +headache: the horrid headache which, in the morning, had +prevented her venturing to church. Her appearance at luncheon +justified the excuse. She looked languid, full of a suffering +sweetness; she carried a scent-bottle in her hand. Mr. Gryce was +new to such manifestations; he wondered rather nervously if she +were delicate, having far-reaching fears about the future of his +progeny. But sympathy won the day, and he besought her not to +expose herself: he always connected the outer air with ideas of +exposure. + +Lily had received his sympathy with languid gratitude, urging +him, since she should be such poor company, to join the rest of +the party who, after luncheon, were starting in automobiles on a +visit to the Van Osburghs at Peekskill. Mr. Gryce was touched by +her disinterestedness, and, to escape from the threatened vacuity +of the afternoon, had taken her advice and departed mournfully, +in a dust-hood and goggles: as the motor-car plunged down the +avenue she smiled at his resemblance to a baffled beetle. Selden +had watched her manoeuvres with lazy amusement. She had made no +reply to his suggestion that they should spend the +afternoon together, but as her plan unfolded itself he felt +fairly confident of being included in it. The house was empty +when at length he heard her step on the stair and strolled out of +the billiard-room to join her. + +She had on a hat and walking-dress, and the dogs were bounding at +her feet. + +"I thought, after all, the air might do me good," she explained; +and he agreed that so simple a remedy was worth trying. + +The excursionists would be gone at least four hours; Lily and +Selden had the whole afternoon before them, and the sense of +leisure and safety gave the last touch of lightness to her +spirit. With so much time to talk, and no definite object to be +led up to, she could taste the rare joys of mental vagrancy. + +She felt so free from ulterior motives that she took up his +charge with a touch of resentment. + +"I don't know," she said, "why you are always accusing me of +premeditation." + +"I thought you confessed to it: you told me the other day that +you had to follow a certain line--and if one does a thing at all +it is a merit to do it thoroughly." + +"If you mean that a girl who has no one to think for her is +obliged to think for herself, I am quite willing to accept the +imputation. But you must find me a dismal kind of person if you +suppose that I never yield to an impulse." + +"Ah, but I don't suppose that: haven't I told you that your +genius lies in converting impulses into intentions?" + +"My genius?" she echoed with a sudden note of weariness. "Is +there any final test of genius but success? And I certainly +haven't succeeded." + +Selden pushed his hat back and took a side-glance at her. +"Success--what is success? I shall be interested to have your +definition." + +"Success?" She hesitated. "Why, to get as much as one can out of +life, I suppose. It's a relative quality, after all. Isn't that +your idea of it?" + +"My idea of it? God forbid!" He sat up with sudden energy, +resting his elbows on his knees and staring out upon the mellow +fields. "My idea of success," he said, "is personal freedom." + +"Freedom? Freedom from worries?" + +"From everything--from money, from poverty, from ease and +anxiety, from all the material accidents. To keep a kind of +republic of the spirit--that's what I call success." + +She leaned forward with a responsive flash. "I know--I know--it's +strange; but that's just what I've been feeling today." + +He met her eyes with the latent sweetness of his. "Is the feeling +so rare with you?" he said. + +She blushed a little under his gaze. "You think me horribly +sordid, don't you? But perhaps it's rather that I never had any +choice. There was no one, I mean, to tell me about the republic +of the spirit." + +"There never is--it's a country one has to find the way to one's +self." + +"But I should never have found my way there if you hadn't told +me." + +"Ah, there are sign-posts--but one has to know how to read them." + +"Well, I have known, I have known!" she cried with a glow of +eagerness. "Whenever I see you, I find myself spelling out a +letter of the sign--and yesterday--last evening at dinner--I +suddenly saw a little way into your republic." + +Selden was still looking at her, but with a changed eye. Hitherto +he had found, in her presence and her talk, the aesthetic +amusement which a reflective man is apt to seek in desultory +intercourse with pretty women. His attitude had been one of +admiring spectatorship, and he would have been almost sorry to +detect in her any emotional weakness which should interfere with +the fulfilment of her aims. But now the hint of this weakness had +become the most interesting thing about her. He had come on her +that morning in a moment of disarray; her face had been pale and +altered, and the diminution of her beauty had lent her a poignant +charm. THAT IS HOW SHE LOOKS WHEN SHE IS ALONE! had been his +first thought; and the second was to note in her the change which +his coming produced. It was the danger-point of their intercourse +that he could not doubt the spontaneity of her liking. From +whatever angle he viewed their dawning intimacy, he could not see +it as part of her scheme of life; and to be the unforeseen +element in a career so accurately planned was stimulating +even to a man who had renounced sentimental experiments. + +"Well," he said, "did it make you want to see more? Are you going +to become one of us?" + +He had drawn out his cigarettes as he spoke, and she reached her +hand toward the case. + +"Oh, do give me one--I haven't smoked for days!" + +"Why such unnatural abstinence? Everybody smokes at Bellomont." + +"Yes--but it is not considered becoming in a JEUNE FILLE A +MARIER; and at the present moment I am a JEUNE FILLE A MARIER." + +"Ah, then I'm afraid we can't let you into the republic." + +"Why not? Is it a celibate order?" + +"Not in the least, though I'm bound to say there are not many +married people in it. But you will marry some one very rich, and +it's as hard for rich people to get into as the kingdom of +heaven." + +"That's unjust, I think, because, as I understand it, one of the +conditions of citizenship is not to think too much about money, +and the only way not to think about money is to have a great deal +of it." + +"You might as well say that the only way not to think about air +is to have enough to breathe. That is true enough in a sense; but +your lungs are thinking about the air, if you are not. And so it +is with your rich people--they may not be thinking of money, but +they're breathing it all the while; take them into another +element and see how they squirm and gasp!" + +Lily sat gazing absently through the blue rings of her +cigarette-smoke. + +"It seems to me," she said at length, "that you spend a good deal +of your time in the element you disapprove of." + +Selden received this thrust without discomposure. "Yes; but I +have tried to remain amphibious: it's all right as long as one's +lungs can work in another air. The real alchemy consists in being +able to turn gold back again into something else; and that's the +secret that most of your friends have lost." + +Lily mused. "Don't you think," she rejoined after a moment, "that +the people who find fault with society are too apt to regard it +as an end and not a means, just as the people who despise +money speak as if its only use were to be kept in bags and +gloated over? Isn't it fairer to look at them both as +opportunities, which may be used either stupidly or +intelligently, according to the capacity of the user?" + +"That is certainly the sane view; but the queer thing about +society is that the people who regard it as an end are those who +are in it, and not the critics on the fence. It's just the other +way with most shows--the audience may be under the illusion, but +the actors know that real life is on the other side of the +footlights. The people who take society as an escape from work +are putting it to its proper use; but when it becomes the thing +worked for it distorts all the relations of life." Selden raised +himself on his elbow. "Good heavens!" he went on, "I don't +underrate the decorative side of life. It seems to me the sense +of splendour has justified itself by what it has produced. The +worst of it is that so much human nature is used up in the +process. If we're all the raw stuff of the cosmic effects, one +would rather be the fire that tempers a sword than the fish that +dyes a purple cloak. And a society like ours wastes such good +material in producing its little patch of purple! Look at a boy +like Ned Silverton--he's really too good to be used to refurbish +anybody's social shabbiness. There's a lad just setting out to +discover the universe: isn't it a pity he should end by finding +it in Mrs. Fisher's drawing-room?" + +"Ned is a dear boy, and I hope he will keep his illusions long +enough to write some nice poetry about them; but do you think it +is only in society that he is likely to lose them?" + +Selden answered her with a shrug. "Why do we call all our +generous ideas illusions, and the mean ones truths? Isn't it a +sufficient condemnation of society to find one's self accepting +such phraseology? I very nearly acquired the jargon at +Silverton's age, and I know how names can alter the colour of +beliefs." + +She had never heard him speak with such energy of affirmation. +His habitual touch was that of the eclectic, who lightly turns +over and compares; and she was moved by this sudden glimpse into +the laboratory where his faiths were formed. + +"Ah, you are as bad as the other sectarians," she exclaimed; "why +do you call your republic a republic? It is a closed corporation, +and you create arbitrary objections in order to keep people out." + +"It is not MY republic; if it were, I should have a COUP D'ETAT +and seat you on the throne." + +"Whereas, in reality, you think I can never even get my foot +across the threshold? Oh, I understand what you mean. You despise +my ambitions--you think them unworthy of me!" + +Selden smiled, but not ironically. "Well, isn't that a tribute? I +think them quite worthy of most of the people who live by them." + +She had turned to gaze on him gravely. "But isn't it possible +that, if I had the opportunities of these people, I might make a +better use of them? Money stands for all kinds of things--its +purchasing quality isn't limited to diamonds and motor-cars." + + +"Not in the least: you might expiate your enjoyment of them by +founding a hospital." + +"But if you think they are what I should really enjoy, you must +think my ambitions are good enough for me." + +Selden met this appeal with a laugh. "Ah, my dear Miss Bart, I am +not divine Providence, to guarantee your enjoying the things you +are trying to get!" + +"Then the best you can say for me is, that after struggling to +get them I probably shan't like them?" She drew a deep breath. +"What a miserable future you foresee for me!" + +"Well--have you never foreseen it for yourself?" The slow colour +rose to her cheek, not a blush of excitement but drawn from the +deep wells of feeling; it was as if the effort of her spirit had +produced it. + +"Often and often," she said. "But it looks so much darker when +you show it to me!" + +He made no answer to this exclamation, and for a while they sat +silent, while something throbbed between them in the wide quiet +of the air. + +But suddenly she turned on him with a kind of vehemence. "Why do +you do this to me?" she cried. "Why do you make the things I have +chosen seem hateful to me, if you have nothing to give me +instead?" + +The words roused Selden from the musing fit into which he had +fallen. He himself did not know why he had led their talk along +such lines; it was the last use he would have imagined himself +making of an afternoon's solitude with Miss Bart. But it was one +of those moments when neither seemed to speak deliberately, when +an indwelling voice in each called to the other across unsounded +depths of feeling. + +"No, I have nothing to give you instead," he said, sitting up and +turning so that he faced her. "If I had, it should be yours, you +know." + +She received this abrupt declaration in a way even stranger than +the manner of its making: she dropped her face on her hands and +he saw that for a moment she wept. + +It was for a moment only, however; for when he leaned nearer and +drew down her hands with a gesture less passionate than grave, +she turned on him a face softened but not disfigured by emotion, +and he said to himself, somewhat cruelly, that even her weeping +was an art. + +The reflection steadied his voice as he asked, between pity and +irony: "Isn't it natural that I should try to belittle all the +things I can't offer you?" + +Her face brightened at this, but she drew her hand away, not with +a gesture of coquetry, but as though renouncing something to +which she had no claim. + +"But you belittle ME, don't you," she returned gently, "in being +so sure they are the only things I care for?" + +Selden felt an inner start; but it was only the last quiver of +his egoism. Almost at once he answered quite simply: "But you do +care for them, don't you? And no wishing of mine can alter that." + +He had so completely ceased to consider how far this might carry +him, that he had a distinct sense of disappointment when she +turned on him a face sparkling with derision. + +"Ah," she cried, "for all your fine phrases you're really as +great a coward as I am, for you wouldn't have made one of them if +you hadn't been so sure of my answer." + +The shock of this retort had the effect of crystallizing Selden's +wavering intentions. + +"I am not so sure of your answer," he said quietly. "And I do you +the justice to believe that you are not either." + +It was her turn to look at him with surprise; and after a +moment--"Do you want to marry me?" she asked. + +He broke into a laugh. "No, I don't want to--but perhaps I should +if you did!" + +"That's what I told you--you're so sure of me that you can amuse +yourself with experiments." She drew back the hand he had +regained, and sat looking down on him sadly. + +"I am not making experiments," he returned. "Or if I am, it is +not on you but on myself. I don't know what effect they are going +to have on me--but if marrying you is one of them, I will take +the risk." + +She smiled faintly. "It would be a great risk, certainly--I have +never concealed from you how great." + +"Ah, it's you who are the coward!" he exclaimed. + +She had risen, and he stood facing her with his eyes on hers. The +soft isolation of the falling day enveloped them: they seemed +lifted into a finer air. All the exquisite influences of the hour +trembled in their veins, and drew them to each other as the +loosened leaves were drawn to the earth. + +"It's you who are the coward," he repeated, catching her hands in +his. + +She leaned on him for a moment, as if with a drop of tired wings: +he felt as though her heart were beating rather with the stress +of a long flight than the thrill of new distances. Then, drawing +back with a little smile of warning--"I shall look hideous in +dowdy clothes; but I can trim my own hats," she declared. + +They stood silent for a while after this, smiling at each other +like adventurous children who have climbed to a forbidden height +from which they discover a new world. The actual world at their +feet was veiling itself in dimness, and across the valley a clear +moon rose in the denser blue. + +Suddenly they heard a remote sound, like the hum of a giant +insect, and following the high-road, which wound whiter through +the surrounding twilight, a black object rushed across their +vision. + +Lily started from her attitude of absorption; her smile faded and +she began to move toward the lane. + +"I had no idea it was so late! We shall not be back till after +dark," she said, almost impatiently. + +Selden was looking at her with surprise: it took him a moment to +regain his usual view of her; then he said, with an +uncontrollable note of dryness: "That was not one of our party; +the motor was going the other way." + +"I know--I know---" She paused, and he saw her redden through the +twilight. "But I told them I was not well--that I should not go +out. Let us go down!" she murmured. + +Selden continued to look at her; then he drew his cigarette-case +from his pocket and slowly lit a cigarette. It seemed to him +necessary, at that moment, to proclaim, by some habitual gesture +of this sort, his recovered hold on the actual: he had an almost +puerile wish to let his companion see that, their flight over, he +had landed on his feet. + +She waited while the spark flickered under his curved palm; then +he held out the cigarettes to her. + +She took one with an unsteady hand, and putting it to her lips, +leaned forward to draw her light from his. In the indistinctness +the little red gleam lit up the lower part of her face, and he +saw her mouth tremble into a smile. + +"Were you serious?" she asked, with an odd thrill of gaiety which +she might have caught up, in haste, from a heap of stock +inflections, without having time to select the just note. +Selden's voice was under better control. "Why not?" he returned. +"You see I took no risks in being so." And as she continued to +stand before him, a little pale under the retort, he added +quickly: "Let us go down." + + + +Chapter 7 + +It spoke much for the depth of Mrs. Trenor's friendship that her +voice, in admonishing Miss Bart, took the same note of personal +despair as if she had been lamenting the collapse of a +house-party. + +"All I can say is, Lily, that I can't make you out!" She leaned +back, sighing, in the morning abandon of lace and muslin, turning +an indifferent shoulder to the heaped-up importunities of her +desk, while she considered, with the eye of a physician who has +given up the case, the erect exterior of the patient confronting +her. + +"If you hadn't told me you were going in for him seriously--but +I'm sure you made that plain enough from the beginning! Why else +did you ask me to let you off bridge, and to keep away Carry and +Kate Corby? I don't suppose you did it because he amused you; we +could none of us imagine your putting up with him for a moment +unless you meant to marry him. And I'm sure everybody played +fair! They all wanted to help it along. Even Bertha kept her +hands off--I will say that--till Lawrence came down and you +dragged him away from her. After that she had a right to +retaliate--why on earth did you interfere with her? You've known +Lawrence Selden for years--why did you behave as if you had just +discovered him? If you had a grudge against Bertha it was a +stupid time to show it--you could have paid her back just as well +after you were married! I told you Bertha was dangerous. She was +in an odious mood when she came here, but Lawrence's turning up +put her in a good humour, and if you'd only let her think he came +for HER it would have never occurred to her to play you this +trick. Oh, Lily, you'll never do anything if you're not serious!" + +Miss Bart accepted this exhortation in a spirit of the purest +impartiality. Why should she have been angry? It was the voice of +her own conscience which spoke to her through Mrs. Trenor's +reproachful accents. But even to her own conscience she must +trump up a semblance of defence. "I only took a day off--I +thought he meant to stay on all this week, and I knew Mr. Selden +was leaving this morning." + +Mrs. Trenor brushed aside the plea with a gesture which laid bare +its weakness. + +"He did mean to stay--that's the worst of it. It shows that he's +run away from you; that Bertha's done her work and poisoned him +thoroughly." + +Lily gave a slight laugh. "Oh, if he's running I'll overtake +him!" + +Her friend threw out an arresting hand. "Whatever you do, Lily, +do nothing!" + +Miss Bart received the warning with a smile. "I don't mean, +literally, to take the next train. There are ways---" But she did +not go on to specify them. + +Mrs. Trenor sharply corrected the tense. "There WERE ways--plenty +of them! I didn't suppose you needed to have them pointed out. +But don't deceive yourself--he's thoroughly frightened. He has +run straight home to his mother, and she'll protect him!" + +"Oh, to the death," Lily agreed, dimpling at the vision. + +"How you can LAUGH---" her friend rebuked her; and she dropped +back to a soberer perception of things with the question: "What +was it Bertha really told him?" + +"Don't ask me--horrors! She seemed to have raked up everything. +Oh, you know what I mean--of course there isn't anything, REALLY; +but I suppose she brought in Prince Varigliano--and Lord +Hubert--and there was some story of your having borrowed money of +old Ned Van Alstyne: did you ever?" + +"He is my father's cousin," Miss Bart interposed. + +"Well, of course she left THAT out. It seems Ned told Carry +Fisher; and she told Bertha, naturally. They're all alike, you +know: they hold their tongues for years, and you think you're +safe, but when their opportunity comes they remember everything." + +Lily had grown pale: her voice had a harsh note in it. "It was +some money I lost at bridge at the Van Osburghs'. I repaid it, of +course." + +"Ah, well, they wouldn't remember that; besides, it was the idea +of the gambling debt that frightened Percy. Oh, Bertha knew her +man--she knew just what to tell him!" + +In this strain Mrs. Trenor continued for nearly an hour to +admonish her friend. Miss Bart listened with admirable +equanimity. Her naturally good temper had been disciplined by +years of enforced compliance, since she had almost always had to +attain her ends by the circuitous path of other people's; and, +being naturally inclined to face unpleasant facts as soon as they +presented themselves, she was not sorry to hear an impartial +statement of what her folly was likely to cost, the more so as +her own thoughts were still insisting on the other side of the +case. Presented in the light of Mrs. Trenor's vigorous comments, +the reckoning was certainly a formidable one, and Lily, as she +listened, found herself gradually reverting to her friend's view +of the situation. Mrs. Trenor's words were moreover emphasized +for her hearer by anxieties which she herself could scarcely +guess. Affluence, unless stimulated by a keen imagination, forms +but the vaguest notion of the practical strain of poverty. Judy +knew it must be "horrid" for poor Lily to have to stop to +consider whether she could afford real lace on her petticoats, +and not to have a motor-car and a steam-yacht at her orders; but +the daily friction of unpaid bills, the daily nibble of small +temptations to expenditure, were trials as far out of her +experience as the domestic problems of the char-woman. Mrs. +Trenor's unconsciousness of the real stress of the situation had +the effect of making it more galling to Lily. While her friend +reproached her for missing the opportunity to eclipse her rivals, +she was once more battling in imagination with the mounting tide +of indebtedness from which she had so nearly escaped. What wind +of folly had driven her out again on those dark seas? + +If anything was needed to put the last touch to her +self-abasement it was the sense of the way her old life was +opening its ruts again to receive her. Yesterday her fancy had +fluttered free pinions above a choice of occupations; now she had +to drop to the level of the familiar routine, in which moments of +seeming brilliancy and freedom alternated with long hours of +subjection. + +She laid a deprecating hand on her friend's. "Dear Judy! I'm +sorry to have been such a bore, and you are very good to me. But +you must have some letters for me to answer--let me at least be +useful." + +She settled herself at the desk, and Mrs. Trenor accepted her +resumption of the morning's task with a sigh which implied that, +after all, she had proved herself unfit for higher uses. + +The luncheon table showed a depleted circle. All the men but Jack +Stepney and Dorset had returned to town (it seemed to Lily a last +touch of irony that Selden and Percy Gryce should have gone in +the same train), and Lady Cressida and the attendant Wetheralls +had been despatched by motor to lunch at a distant country-house. +At such moments of diminished interest it was usual for Mrs. +Dorset to keep her room till the afternoon; but on this occasion +she drifted in when luncheon was half over, hollowed-eyed and +drooping, but with an edge of malice under her indifference. + +She raised her eyebrows as she looked about the table. "How few +of us are left! I do so enjoy the quiet--don't you, Lily? I wish +the men would always stop away--it's really much nicer without +them. Oh, you don't count, George: one doesn't have to talk to +one's husband. But I thought Mr. Gryce was to stay for the rest +of the week?" she added enquiringly. "Didn't he intend to, Judy? +He's such a nice boy--I wonder what drove him away? He is rather +shy, and I'm afraid we may have shocked him: he has been brought +up in such an old-fashioned way. Do you know, Lily, he told me he +had never seen a girl play cards for money till he saw you doing +it the other night? And he lives on the interest of his income, +and always has a lot left over to invest!" + +Mrs. Fisher leaned forward eagerly. "I do believe it is some +one's duty to educate that young man. It is shocking that he has +never been made to realize his duties as a citizen. Every wealthy +man should be compelled to study the laws of his country." + +Mrs. Dorset glanced at her quietly. "I think he HAS studied the +divorce laws. He told me he had promised the Bishop to sign some +kind of a petition against divorce." + +Mrs. Fisher reddened under her powder, and Stepney said with a +laughing glance at Miss Bart: "I suppose he is thinking of +marriage, and wants to tinker up the old ship before he goes +aboard." + +His betrothed looked shocked at the metaphor, and George Dorset +exclaimed with a sardonic growl: "Poor devil! It isn't the ship +that will do for him, it's the crew." + +"Or the stowaways," said Miss Corby brightly. "If I contemplated +a voyage with him I should try to start with a friend in the +hold." + +Miss Van Osburgh's vague feeling of pique was struggling for +appropriate expression. "I'm sure I don't see why you laugh at +him; I think he's very nice," she exclaimed; "and, at any rate, a +girl who married him would always have enough to be comfortable." + +She looked puzzled at the redoubled laughter which hailed her +words, but it might have consoled her to know how deeply they had +sunk into the breast of one of her hearers. + +Comfortable! At that moment the word was more eloquent to Lily +Bart than any other in the language. She could not even pause to +smile over the heiress's view of a colossal fortune as a mere +shelter against want: her mind was filled with the vision of what +that shelter might have been to her. Mrs. Dorset's pin-pricks did +not smart, for her own irony cut deeper: no one could hurt her as +much as she was hurting herself, for no one else--not even Judy +Trenor--knew the full magnitude of her folly. + +She was roused from these unprofitable considerations by a +whispered request from her hostess, who drew her apart as they +left the luncheon-table. + +"Lily, dear, if you've nothing special to do, may I tell Carry +Fisher that you intend to drive to the station and fetch Gus? He +will be back at four, and I know she has it in her mind to meet +him. Of course I'm very glad to have him amused, but I happen to +know that she has bled him rather severely since she's been here, +and she is so keen about going to fetch him that I fancy she must +have got a lot more bills this morning. It seems to me," Mrs. +Trenor feelingly concluded, "that most of her alimony is paid by +other women's husbands!" + +Miss Bart, on her way to the station, had leisure to muse over +her friend's words, and their peculiar application to herself. +Why should she have to suffer for having once, for a few hours, +borrowed money of an elderly cousin, when a woman like Carry +Fisher could make a living unrebuked from the good-nature of her +men friends and the tolerance of their wives? It all turned on +the tiresome distinction between what a married woman +might, and a girl might not, do. Of course it was shocking for a +married woman to borrow money--and Lily was expertly aware of the +implication involved--but still, it was the mere MALUM PROHIBITUM +which the world decries but condones, and which, though it may be +punished by private vengeance, does not provoke the collective +disapprobation of society. To Miss Bart, in short, no such +opportunities were possible. She could of course borrow from her +women friends--a hundred here or there, at the utmost--but they +were more ready to give a gown or a trinket, and looked a little +askance when she hinted her preference for a cheque. Women are +not generous lenders, and those among whom her lot was cast were +either in the same case as herself, or else too far removed from +it to understand its necessities. The result of her meditations +was the decision to join her aunt at Richfield. She could not +remain at Bellomont without playing bridge, and being involved in +other expenses; and to continue her usual series of autumn visits +would merely prolong the same difficulties. She had reached a +point where abrupt retrenchment was necessary, and the only cheap +life was a dull life. She would start the next morning for +Richfield. + +At the station she thought Gus Trenor seemed surprised, and not +wholly unrelieved, to see her. She yielded up the reins of the +light runabout in which she had driven over, and as he climbed +heavily to her side, crushing her into a scant third of the seat, +he said: "Halloo! It isn't often you honour me. You must have +been uncommonly hard up for something to do." + +The afternoon was warm, and propinquity made her more than +usually conscious that he was red and massive, and that beads of +moisture had caused the dust of the train to adhere unpleasantly +to the broad expanse of cheek and neck which he turned to her; +but she was aware also, from the look in his small dull eyes, +that the contact with her freshness and slenderness was as +agreeable to him as the sight of a cooling beverage. + +The perception of this fact helped her to answer gaily: "It's not +often I have the chance. There are too many ladies to dispute the +privilege with me." + +"The privilege of driving me home? Well, I'm glad you won +the race, anyhow. But I know what really happened--my wife sent +you. Now didn't she?" + +He had the dull man's unexpected flashes of astuteness, and Lily +could not help joining in the laugh with which he had pounced on +the truth. + +"You see, Judy thinks I'm the safest person for you to be with; +and she's quite right," she rejoined. + +"Oh, is she, though? If she is, it's because you wouldn't waste +your time on an old hulk like me. We married men have to put up +with what we can get: all the prizes are for the clever chaps +who've kept a free foot. Let me light a cigar, will you? I've had +a beastly day of it." + +He drew up in the shade of the village street, and passed the +reins to her while he held a match to his cigar. The little flame +under his hand cast a deeper crimson on his puffing face, and +Lily averted her eyes with a momentary feeling of repugnance. And +yet some women thought him handsome! + +As she handed back the reins, she said sympathetically: "Did you +have such a lot of tiresome things to do?" + +"I should say so--rather!" Trenor, who was seldom listened to, +either by his wife or her friends, settled down into the rare +enjoyment of a confidential talk. "You don't know how a fellow +has to hustle to keep this kind of thing going." He waved his +whip in the direction of the Bellomont acres, which lay outspread +before them in opulent undulations. "Judy has no idea of what she +spends--not that there isn't plenty to keep the thing going," he +interrupted himself, "but a man has got to keep his eyes open and +pick up all the tips he can. My father and mother used to live +like fighting-cocks on their income, and put by a good bit of it +too--luckily for me--but at the pace we go now, I don't know +where I should be if it weren't for taking a flyer now and then. +The women all think--I mean Judy thinks--I've nothing to do but +to go down town once a month and cut off coupons, but the truth +is it takes a devilish lot of hard work to keep the machinery +running. Not that I ought to complain to-day, though," he went on +after a moment, "for I did a very neat stroke of business, thanks +to Stepney's friend Rosedale: by the way, Miss Lily, I wish you'd +try to persuade Judy to be decently civil to that chap. He's +going to be rich enough to buy us all out one of these +days, and if she'd only ask him to dine now and then I could get +almost anything out of him. The man is mad to know the people who +don't want to know him, and when a fellow's in that state there +is nothing he won't do for the first woman who takes him up." + +Lily hesitated a moment. The first part of her companion's +discourse had started an interesting train of thought, which was +rudely interrupted by the mention of Mr. Rosedale's name. She +uttered a faint protest. + +"But you know Jack did try to take him about, and he was +impossible." + +"Oh, hang it--because he's fat and shiny, and has a sloppy +manner! Well, all I can say is that the people who are clever +enough to be civil to him now will make a mighty good thing of +it. A few years from now he'll be in it whether we want him or +not, and then he won't be giving away a half-a-million tip for a +dinner." + +Lily's mind had reverted from the intrusive personality of Mr. +Rosedale to the train of thought set in motion by Trenor's first +words. This vast mysterious Wall Street world of "tips" and +"deals"--might she not find in it the means of escape from her +dreary predicament? She had often heard of women making money in +this way through their friends: she had no more notion than most +of her sex of the exact nature of the transaction, and its +vagueness seemed to diminish its indelicacy. She could not, +indeed, imagine herself, in any extremity, stooping to extract a +"tip" from Mr. Rosedale; but at her side was a man in possession +of that precious commodity, and who, as the husband of her +dearest friend, stood to her in a relation of almost fraternal +intimacy. + +In her inmost heart Lily knew it was not by appealing to the +fraternal instinct that she was likely to move Gus Trenor; but +this way of explaining the situation helped to drape its crudity, +and she was always scrupulous about keeping up appearances to +herself. Her personal fastidiousness had a moral equivalent, and +when she made a tour of inspection in her own mind there were +certain closed doors she did not open. + +As they reached the gates of Bellomont she turned to Trenor with +a smile. "The afternoon is so perfect--don't you want to drive me +a little farther? I've been rather out of spirits all day, +and it's so restful to be away from people, with some one who +won't mind if I'm a little dull." + +She looked so plaintively lovely as she proffered the request, so +trustfully sure of his sympathy and understanding, that Trenor +felt himself wishing that his wife could see how other women +treated him--not battered wire-pullers like Mrs. Fisher, but a +girl that most men would have given their boots to get such a +look from. + +"Out of spirits? Why on earth should you ever be out of spirits? +Is your last box of Doucet dresses a failure, or did Judy rook +you out of everything at bridge last night?" + +Lily shook her head with a sigh. "I have had to give up Doucet; +and bridge too--I can't afford it. In fact I can't afford any of +the things my friends do, and I am afraid Judy often thinks me a +bore because I don't play cards any longer, and because I am not +as smartly dressed as the other women. But you will think me a +bore too if I talk to you about my worries, and I only mention +them because I want you to do me a favour--the very greatest of +favours." + +Her eyes sought his once more, and she smiled inwardly at the +tinge of apprehension that she read in them. + +"Why, of course--if it's anything I can manage---" He broke off, +and she guessed that his enjoyment was disturbed by the +remembrance of Mrs. Fisher's methods. + +"The greatest of favours," she rejoined gently. "The fact is, +Judy is angry with me, and I want you to make my peace." + +"Angry with you? Oh, come, nonsense---" his relief broke through +in a laugh. "Why, you know she's devoted to you." + +"She is the best friend I have, and that is why I mind having to +vex her. But I daresay you know what she has wanted me to do. She +has set her heart--poor dear--on my marrying--marrying a great +deal of money." + +She paused with a slight falter of embarrassment, and Trenor, +turning abruptly, fixed on her a look of growing intelligence. + +"A great deal of money? Oh, by Jove--you don't mean Gryce? +What--you do? Oh, no, of course I won't mention it--you can trust +me to keep my mouth shut--but Gryce--good Lord, GRYCE! Did +Judy really think you could bring yourself to marry that +portentous little ass? But you couldn't, eh? And so you gave him +the sack, and that's the reason why he lit out by the first train +this morning?" He leaned back, spreading himself farther across +the seat, as if dilated by the joyful sense of his own +discernment. "How on earth could Judy think you would do such a +thing? I could have told her you'd never put up with such a +little milksop!" + +Lily sighed more deeply. "I sometimes think," she murmured, "that +men understand a woman's motives better than other women do." + +"Some men--I'm certain of it! I could have TOLD Judy," he +repeated, exulting in the implied superiority over his wife. + +"I thought you would understand; that's why I wanted to speak to +you," Miss Bart rejoined. "I can't make that kind of marriage; +it's impossible. But neither can I go on living as all the women +in my set do. I am almost entirely dependent on my aunt, and +though she is very kind to me she makes me no regular allowance, +and lately I've lost money at cards, and I don't dare tell her +about it. I have paid my card debts, of course, but there is +hardly anything left for my other expenses, and if I go on with +my present life I shall be in horrible difficulties. I have a +tiny income of my own, but I'm afraid it's badly invested, for it +seems to bring in less every year, and I am so ignorant of money +matters that I don't know if my aunt's agent, who looks after it, +is a good adviser." She paused a moment, and added in a lighter +tone: "I didn't mean to bore you with all this, but I want your +help in making Judy understand that I can't, at present, go on +living as one must live among you all. I am going away tomorrow +to join my aunt at Richfield, and I shall stay there for the rest +of the autumn, and dismiss my maid and learn how to mend my own +clothes." + +At this picture of loveliness in distress, the pathos of which +was heightened by the light touch with which it was drawn, a +murmur of indignant sympathy broke from Trenor. Twenty-four hours +earlier, if his wife had consulted him on the subject of Miss +Bart's future, he would have said that a girl with extravagant +tastes and no money had better marry the first rich man she could +get; but with the subject of discussion at his side, +turning to him for sympathy, making him feel that he understood +her better than her dearest friends, and confirming the assurance +by the appeal of her exquisite nearness, he was ready to swear +that such a marriage was a desecration, and that, as a man of +honour, he was bound to do all he could to protect her from the +results of her disinterestedness. This impulse was reinforced by +the reflection that if she had married Gryce she would have been +surrounded by flattery and approval, whereas, having refused to +sacrifice herself to expediency, she was left to bear the whole +cost of her resistance. Hang it, if he could find a way out of +such difficulties for a professional sponge like Carry Fisher, +who was simply a mental habit corresponding to the physical +titillations of the cigarette or the cock-tail, he could surely +do as much for a girl who appealed to his highest sympathies, and +who brought her troubles to him with the trustfulness of a child. + +Trenor and Miss Bart prolonged their drive till long after +sunset; and before it was over he had tried, with some show of +success, to prove to her that, if she would only trust him, he +could make a handsome sum of money for her without endangering +the small amount she possessed. She was too genuinely ignorant of +the manipulations of the stock-market to understand his technical +explanations, or even perhaps to perceive that certain points in +them were slurred; the haziness enveloping the transaction served +as a veil for her embarrassment, and through the general blur her +hopes dilated like lamps in a fog. She understood only that her +modest investments were to be mysteriously multiplied without +risk to herself; and the assurance that this miracle would take +place within a short time, that there would be no tedious +interval for suspense and reaction, relieved her of her lingering +scruples. + +Again she felt the lightening of her load, and with it the +release of repressed activities. Her immediate worries conjured, +it was easy to resolve that she would never again find herself in +such straits, and as the need of economy and self-denial receded +from her foreground she felt herself ready to meet any other +demand which life might make. Even the immediate one of letting +Trenor, as they drove homeward, lean a little nearer and +rest his hand reassuringly on hers, cost her only a momentary +shiver of reluctance. It was part of the game to make him feel +that her appeal had been an uncalculated impulse, provoked by the +liking he inspired; and the renewed sense of power in handling +men, while it consoled her wounded vanity, helped also to obscure +the thought of the claim at which his manner hinted. He was a +coarse dull man who, under all his show of authority, was a mere +supernumerary in the costly show for which his money paid: +surely, to a clever girl, it would be easy to hold him by his +vanity, and so keep the obligation on his side. + + + +Chapter 8 + +The first thousand dollar cheque which Lily received with a +blotted scrawl from Gus Trenor strengthened her self-confidence +in the exact degree to which it effaced her debts. + +The transaction had justified itself by its results: she saw now +how absurd it would have been to let any primitive scruple +deprive her of this easy means of appeasing her creditors. Lily +felt really virtuous as she dispensed the sum in sops to her +tradesmen, and the fact that a fresh order accompanied each +payment did not lessen her sense of disinterestedness. How many +women, in her place, would have given the orders without making +the payment! + +She had found it reassuringly easy to keep Trenor in a good +humour. To listen to his stories, to receive his confidences and +laugh at his jokes, seemed for the moment all that was required +of her, and the complacency with which her hostess regarded these +attentions freed them of the least hint of ambiguity. Mrs. Trenor +evidently assumed that Lily's growing intimacy with her husband +was simply an indirect way of returning her own kindness. + +"I'm so glad you and Gus have become such good friends," she said +approvingly. "It's too delightful of you to be so nice to him, +and put up with all his tiresome stories. I know what they are, +because I had to listen to them when we were engaged--I'm sure he +is telling the same ones still. And now I shan't always have to +be asking Carry Fisher here to keep him in a good-humour. She's a +perfect vulture, you know; and she hasn't the least moral sense. +She is always getting Gus to speculate for her, and I'm sure she +never pays when she loses." + +Miss Bart could shudder at this state of things without the +embarrassment of a personal application. Her own position was +surely quite different. There could be no question of her not +paying when she lost, since Trenor had assured her that she was +certain not to lose. In sending her the cheque he had explained +that he had made five thousand for her out of Rosedale's "tip," +and had put four thousand back in the same venture, as +there was the promise of another "big rise"; she understood +therefore that he was now speculating with her own money, and +that she consequently owed him no more than the gratitude which +such a trifling service demanded. She vaguely supposed that, to +raise the first sum, he had borrowed on her securities; but this +was a point over which her curiosity did not linger. It was +concentrated, for the moment, on the probable date of the next +"big rise." + +The news of this event was received by her some weeks later, on +the occasion of Jack Stepney's marriage to Miss Van Osburgh. As a +cousin of the bridegroom, Miss Bart had been asked to act as +bridesmaid; but she had declined on the plea that, since she was +much taller than the other attendant virgins, her presence might +mar the symmetry of the group. The truth was, she had attended +too many brides to the altar: when next seen there she meant to +be the chief figure in the ceremony. She knew the pleasantries +made at the expense of young girls who have been too long before +the public, and she was resolved to avoid such assumptions of +youthfulness as might lead people to think her older than she +really was. + +The Van Osburgh marriage was celebrated in the village church +near the paternal estate on the Hudson. It was the "simple +country wedding" to which guests are convoyed in special trains, +and from which the hordes of the uninvited have to be fended off +by the intervention of the police. While these sylvan rites were +taking place, in a church packed with fashion and festooned with +orchids, the representatives of the press were threading their +way, note-book in hand, through the labyrinth of wedding +presents, and the agent of a cinematograph syndicate was setting +up his apparatus at the church door. It was the kind of scene in +which Lily had often pictured herself as taking the principal +part, and on this occasion the fact that she was once more merely +a casual spectator, instead of the mystically veiled figure +occupying the centre of attention, strengthened her resolve to +assume the latter part before the year was over. The fact that +her immediate anxieties were relieved did not blind her to a +possibility of their recurrence; it merely gave her enough +buoyancy to rise once more above her doubts and feel a renewed +faith in her beauty, her power, and her general fitness to +attract a brilliant destiny. It could not be that one +conscious of such aptitudes for mastery and enjoyment was doomed +to a perpetuity of failure; and her mistakes looked easily +reparable in the light of her restored self-confidence. + +A special appositeness was given to these reflections by the +discovery, in a neighbouring pew, of the serious profile and +neatly-trimmed beard of Mr. Percy Gryce. There was something +almost bridal in his own aspect: his large white gardenia had a +symbolic air that struck Lily as a good omen. After all, seen in +an assemblage of his kind he was not ridiculous-looking: a +friendly critic might have called his heaviness weighty, and he +was at his best in the attitude of vacant passivity which brings +out the oddities of the restless. She fancied he was the kind of +man whose sentimental associations would be stirred by the +conventional imagery of a wedding, and she pictured herself, in +the seclusion of the Van Osburgh conservatories, playing +skillfully upon sensibilities thus prepared for her touch. In +fact, when she looked at the other women about her, and recalled +the image she had brought away from her own glass, it did not +seem as though any special skill would be needed to repair her +blunder and bring him once more to her feet. + +The sight of Selden's dark head, in a pew almost facing her, +disturbed for a moment the balance of her complacency. The rise +of her blood as their eyes met was succeeded by a contrary +motion, a wave of resistance and withdrawal. She did not wish to +see him again, not because she feared his influence, but because +his presence always had the effect of cheapening her aspirations, +of throwing her whole world out of focus. Besides, he was a +living reminder of the worst mistake in her career, and the fact +that he had been its cause did not soften her feelings toward +him. She could still imagine an ideal state of existence in +which, all else being superadded, intercourse with Selden might +be the last touch of luxury; but in the world as it was, such a +privilege was likely to cost more than it was worth. + +"Lily, dear, I never saw you look so lovely! You look as if +something delightful had just happened to you!" + +The young lady who thus formulated her admiration of her +brilliant friend did not, in her own person, suggest such +happy possibilities. Miss Gertrude Farish, in fact, typified the +mediocre and the ineffectual. If there were compensating +qualities in her wide frank glance and the freshness of her +smile, these were qualities which only the sympathetic observer +would perceive before noticing that her eyes were of a workaday +grey and her lips without haunting curves. Lily's own view of her +wavered between pity for her limitations and impatience at her +cheerful acceptance of them. To Miss Bart, as to her mother, +acquiescence in dinginess was evidence of stupidity; and there +were moments when, in the consciousness of her own power to look +and to be so exactly what the occasion required, she almost felt +that other girls were plain and inferior from choice. Certainly +no one need have confessed such acquiescence in her lot as was +revealed in the "useful" colour of Gerty Farish's gown and the +subdued lines of her hat: it is almost as stupid to let your +clothes betray that you know you are ugly as to have them +proclaim that you think you are beautiful. + +Of course, being fatally poor and dingy, it was wise of Gerty to +have taken up philanthropy and symphony concerts; but there was +something irritating in her assumption that existence yielded no +higher pleasures, and that one might get as much interest and +excitement out of life in a cramped flat as in the splendours of +the Van Osburgh establishment. Today, however, her chirping +enthusiasms did not irritate Lily. They seemed only to throw her +own exceptionalness into becoming relief, and give a soaring +vastness to her scheme of life. + +"Do let us go and take a peep at the presents before everyone +else leaves the dining-room!" suggested Miss Farish, linking her +arm in her friend's. It was characteristic of her to take a +sentimental and unenvious interest in all the details of a +wedding: she was the kind of person who always kept her +handkerchief out during the service, and departed clutching a box +of wedding-cake. + +"Isn't everything beautifully done?" she pursued, as they entered +the distant drawing-room assigned to the display of Miss Van +Osburgh's bridal spoils. "I always say no one does things better +than cousin Grace! Did you ever taste anything more delicious +than that MOUSSE of lobster with champagne sauce? I made up my +mind weeks ago that I wouldn't miss this wedding, and just +fancy how delightfully it all came about. When Lawrence Selden +heard I was coming, he insisted on fetching me himself and +driving me to the station, and when we go back this evening I am +to dine with him at Sherry's. I really feel as excited as if I +were getting married myself!" + +Lily smiled: she knew that Selden had always been kind to his +dull cousin, and she had sometimes wondered why he wasted so much +time in such an unremunerative manner; but now the thought gave +her a vague pleasure. + +"Do you see him often?" she asked. + +"Yes; he is very good about dropping in on Sundays. And now and +then we do a play together; but lately I haven't seen much of +him. He doesn't look well, and he seems nervous and unsettled. +The dear fellow! I do wish he would marry some nice girl. I told +him so today, but he said he didn't care for the really nice +ones, and the other kind didn't care for him--but that was just +his joke, of course. He could never marry a girl who WASN'T nice. +Oh, my dear, did you ever see such pearls?" + +They had paused before the table on which the bride's jewels were +displayed, and Lily's heart gave an envious throb as she caught +the refraction of light from their surfaces--the milky gleam of +perfectly matched pearls, the flash of rubies relieved against +contrasting velvet, the intense blue rays of sapphires kindled +into light by surrounding diamonds: all these precious tints +enhanced and deepened by the varied art of their setting. The +glow of the stones warmed Lily's veins like wine. More completely +than any other expression of wealth they symbolized the life she +longed to lead, the life of fastidious aloofness and refinement +in which every detail should have the finish of a jewel, and the +whole form a harmonious setting to her own jewel-like rareness. + +"Oh, Lily, do look at this diamond pendant--it's as big as a +dinner-plate! Who can have given it?" Miss Farish bent +short-sightedly over the accompanying card. "MR. SIMON ROSEDALE. +What, that horrid man? Oh, yes--I remember he's a friend of +Jack's, and I suppose cousin Grace had to ask him here today; but +she must rather hate having to let Gwen accept such a present +from him." + +Lily smiled. She doubted Mrs. Van Osburgh's reluctance, but was +aware of Miss Farish's habit of ascribing her own delicacies of +feeling to the persons least likely to be encumbered by them. + +"Well, if Gwen doesn't care to be seen wearing it she can always +exchange it for something else," she remarked. + +"Ah, here is something so much prettier," Miss Farish continued. +"Do look at this exquisite white sapphire. I'm sure the person +who chose it must have taken particular pains. What is the name? +Percy Gryce? Ah, then I'm not surprised!" She smiled +significantly as she replaced the card. "Of course you've heard +that he's perfectly devoted to Evie Van Osburgh? Cousin Grace is +so pleased about it--it's quite a romance! He met her first at +the George Dorsets', only about six weeks ago, and it's just the +nicest possible marriage for dear Evie. Oh, I don't mean the +money--of course she has plenty of her own--but she's such a +quiet stay-at-home kind of girl, and it seems he has just the +same tastes; so they are exactly suited to each other." + +Lily stood staring vacantly at the white sapphire on its velvet +bed. Evie Van Osburgh and Percy Gryce? The names rang derisively +through her brain. EVIE VAN OSBURGH? The youngest, dumpiest, +dullest of the four dull and dumpy daughters whom Mrs. Van +Osburgh, with unsurpassed astuteness, had "placed" one by one in +enviable niches of existence! Ah, lucky girls who grow up in the +shelter of a mother's love--a mother who knows how to contrive +opportunities without conceding favours, how to take advantage of +propinquity without allowing appetite to be dulled by habit! The +cleverest girl may miscalculate where her own interests are +concerned, may yield too much at one moment and withdraw too far +at the next: it takes a mother's unerring vigilance and foresight +to land her daughters safely in the arms of wealth and +suitability. + +Lily's passing light-heartedness sank beneath a renewed sense of +failure. Life was too stupid, too blundering! Why should Percy +Gryce's millions be joined to another great fortune, why should +this clumsy girl be put in possession of powers she would never +know how to use? + +She was roused from these speculations by a familiar touch +on her arm, and turning saw Gus Trenor beside her. She felt a +thrill of vexation: what right had he to touch her? Luckily Gerty +Farish had wandered off to the next table, and they were alone. + +Trenor, looking stouter than ever in his tight frock-coat, and +unbecomingly flushed by the bridal libations, gazed at her with +undisguised approval. + +"By Jove, Lily, you do look a stunner!" He had slipped insensibly +into the use of her Christian name, and she had never found the +right moment to correct him. Besides, in her set all the men and +women called each other by their Christian names; it was only on +Trenor's lips that the familiar address had an unpleasant +significance. + +"Well," he continued, still jovially impervious to her annoyance, +"have you made up your mind which of these little trinkets you +mean to duplicate at Tiffany's tomorrow? I've got a cheque for +you in my pocket that will go a long way in that line!" + +Lily gave him a startled look: his voice was louder than usual, +and the room was beginning to fill with people. But as her glance +assured her that they were still beyond ear-shot a sense of +pleasure replaced her apprehension. + +"Another dividend?" she asked, smiling and drawing near him in +the desire not to be overheard. + +"Well, not exactly: I sold out on the rise and I've pulled off +four thou' for you. Not so bad for a beginner, eh? I suppose +you'll begin to think you're a pretty knowing speculator. And +perhaps you won't think poor old Gus such an awful ass as some +people do." + +"I think you the kindest of friends; but I can't thank you +properly now." + +She let her eyes shine into his with a look that made up for the +hand-clasp he would have claimed if they had been alone--and how +glad she was that they were not! The news filled her with the +glow produced by a sudden cessation of physical pain. The world +was not so stupid and blundering after all: now and then a stroke +of luck came to the unluckiest. At the thought her spirits began +to rise: it was characteristic of her that one trifling piece of +good fortune should give wings to all her hopes. Instantly came +the reflection that Percy Gryce was not irretrievably +lost; and she smiled to think of the excitement of recapturing +him from Evie Van Osburgh. What chance could such a simpleton +have against her if she chose to exert herself? She glanced +about, hoping to catch a glimpse of Gryce; but her eyes lit +instead on the glossy countenance of Mr. Rosedale, who was +slipping through the crowd with an air half obsequious, half +obtrusive, as though, the moment his presence was recognized, it +would swell to the dimensions of the room. + +Not wishing to be the means of effecting this enlargement, Lily +quickly transferred her glance to Trenor, to whom the expression +of her gratitude seemed not to have brought the complete +gratification she had meant it to give. + +"Hang thanking me--I don't want to be thanked, but I SHOULD like +the chance to say two words to you now and then," he grumbled. "I +thought you were going to spend the whole autumn with us, and +I've hardly laid eyes on you for the last month. Why can't you +come back to Bellomont this evening? We're all alone, and Judy is +as cross as two sticks. Do come and cheer a fellow up. If you say +yes I'll run you over in the motor, and you can telephone your +maid to bring your traps from town by the next train." + +Lily shook her head with a charming semblance of regret. "I wish +I could--but it's quite impossible. My aunt has come back to +town, and I must be with her for the next few days." + +"Well, I've seen a good deal less of you since we've got to be +such pals than I used to when you were Judy's friend," he +continued with unconscious penetration. + +"When I was Judy's friend? Am I not her friend still? Really, you +say the most absurd things! If I were always at Bellomont you +would tire of me much sooner than Judy--but come and see me at my +aunt's the next afternoon you are in town; then we can have a +nice quiet talk, and you can tell me how I had better invest my +fortune." + +It was true that, during the last three or four weeks, she had +absented herself from Bellomont on the pretext of having other +visits to pay; but she now began to feel that the reckoning she +had thus contrived to evade had rolled up interest in the +interval. + +The prospect of the nice quiet talk did not appear as all-sufficing +to Trenor as she had hoped, and his brows continued to lower +as he said: "Oh, I don't know that I can promise you a fresh tip +every day. But there's one thing you might do for me; +and that is, just to be a little civil to Rosedale. Judy has +promised to ask him to dine when we get to town, but I can't +induce her to have him at Bellomont, and if you would let me +bring him up now it would make a lot of difference. I don't +believe two women have spoken to him this afternoon, and I can +tell you he's a chap it pays to be decent to." + +Miss Bart made an impatient movement, but suppressed the words +which seemed about to accompany it. After all, this was an +unexpectedly easy way of acquitting her debt; and had she not +reasons of her own for wishing to be civil to Mr. Rosedale? + +"Oh, bring him by all means," she said smiling; "perhaps I can +get a tip out of him on my own account." + +Trenor paused abruptly, and his eyes fixed themselves on hers +with a look which made her change colour. + +"I say, you know--you'll please remember he's a blooming +bounder," he said; and with a slight laugh she turned toward the +open window near which they had been standing. + +The throng in the room had increased, and she felt a desire for +space and fresh air. Both of these she found on the terrace, +where only a few men were lingering over cigarettes and liqueur, +while scattered couples strolled across the lawn to the +autumn-tinted borders of the flower-garden. + +As she emerged, a man moved toward her from the knot of smokers, +and she found herself face to face with Selden. The stir of the +pulses which his nearness always caused was increased by a slight +sense of constraint. They had not met since their Sunday +afternoon walk at Bellomont, and that episode was still so vivid +to her that she could hardly believe him to be less conscious of +it. But his greeting expressed no more than the satisfaction +which every pretty woman expects to see reflected in masculine +eyes; and the discovery, if distasteful to her vanity, was +reassuring to her nerves. Between the relief of her escape from +Trenor, and the vague apprehension of her meeting with Rosedale, +it was pleasant to rest a moment on the sense of complete +understanding which Lawrence Selden's manner always conveyed. + +"This is luck," he said smiling. "I was wondering if I should be +able to have a word with you before the special snatches us away. +I came with Gerty Farish, and promised not to let her miss the +train, but I am sure she is still extracting sentimental solace +from the wedding presents. She appears to regard their number and +value as evidence of the disinterested affection of the +contracting parties." + +There was not the least trace of embarrassment in his voice, and +as he spoke, leaning slightly against the jamb of the window, and +letting his eyes rest on her in the frank enjoyment of her grace, +she felt with a faint chill of regret that he had gone back +without an effort to the footing on which they had stood before +their last talk together. Her vanity was stung by the sight of +his unscathed smile. She longed to be to him something more than +a piece of sentient prettiness, a passing diversion to his eye +and brain; and the longing betrayed itself in her reply. + +"Ah," she said, "I envy Gerty that power she has of dressing up +with romance all our ugly and prosaic arrangements! I have never +recovered my self-respect since you showed me how poor and +unimportant my ambitions were." + +The words were hardly spoken when she realized their infelicity. +It seemed to be her fate to appear at her worst to Selden. + +"I thought, on the contrary," he returned lightly, "that I had +been the means of proving they were more important to you than +anything else." + +It was as if the eager current of her being had been checked by a +sudden obstacle which drove it back upon itself. She looked at +him helplessly, like a hurt or frightened child: this real self +of hers, which he had the faculty of drawing out of the depths, +was so little accustomed to go alone! + +The appeal of her helplessness touched in him, as it always did, +a latent chord of inclination. It would have meant nothing to him +to discover that his nearness made her more brilliant, but this +glimpse of a twilight mood to which he alone had the clue seemed +once more to set him in a world apart with her. + +"At least you can't think worse things of me than you say!" she +exclaimed with a trembling laugh; but before he could +answer, the flow of comprehension between them was abruptly +stayed by the reappearance of Gus Trenor, who advanced with Mr. +Rosedale in his wake. + +"Hang it, Lily, I thought you'd given me the slip: Rosedale and I +have been hunting all over for you!" + +His voice had a note of conjugal familiarity: Miss Bart fancied +she detected in Rosedale's eye a twinkling perception of the +fact, and the idea turned her dislike of him to repugnance. + +She returned his profound bow with a slight nod, made more +disdainful by the sense of Selden's surprise that she should +number Rosedale among her acquaintances. Trenor had turned away, +and his companion continued to stand before Miss Bart, alert and +expectant, his lips parted in a smile at whatever she might be +about to say, and his very back conscious of the privilege of +being seen with her. + +It was the moment for tact; for the quick bridging over of gaps; +but Selden still leaned against the window, a detached observer +of the scene, and under the spell of his observation Lily felt +herself powerless to exert her usual arts. The dread of Selden's +suspecting that there was any need for her to propitiate such a +man as Rosedale checked the trivial phrases of politeness. +Rosedale still stood before her in an expectant attitude, and she +continued to face him in silence, her glance just level with his +polished baldness. The look put the finishing touch to what her +silence implied. + +He reddened slowly, shifting from one foot to the other, fingered +the plump black pearl in his tie, and gave a nervous twist to his +moustache; then, running his eye over her, he drew back, and +said, with a side-glance at Selden: "Upon my soul, I never saw a +more ripping get-up. Is that the last creation of the dress-maker +you go to see at the Benedick? If so, I wonder all the other +women don't go to her too!" + +The words were projected sharply against Lily's silence, and she +saw in a flash that her own act had given them their emphasis. In +ordinary talk they might have passed unheeded; but following on +her prolonged pause they acquired a special meaning. She felt, +without looking, that Selden had immediately seized it, and would +inevitably connect the allusion with her visit to himself. The +consciousness increased her irritation against Rosedale, but also +her feeling that now, if ever, was the moment to +propitiate him, hateful as it was to do so in Selden's presence. + +"How do you know the other women don't go to my dress-maker?" she +returned. "You see I'm not afraid to give her address to my +friends!" + +Her glance and accent so plainly included Rosedale in this +privileged circle that his small eyes puckered with +gratification, and a knowing smile drew up his moustache. + +"By Jove, you needn't be!" he declared. "You could give 'em the +whole outfit and win at a canter!" + +"Ah, that's nice of you; and it would be nicer still if you would +carry me off to a quiet corner, and get me a glass of lemonade or +some innocent drink before we all have to rush for the train." + +She turned away as she spoke, letting him strut at her side +through the gathering groups on the terrace, while every nerve in +her throbbed with the consciousness of what Selden must have +thought of the scene. + +But under her angry sense of the perverseness of things, and the +light surface of her talk with Rosedale, a third idea persisted: +she did not mean to leave without an attempt to discover the +truth about Percy Gryce. Chance, or perhaps his own resolve, had +kept them apart since his hasty withdrawal from Bellomont; but +Miss Bart was an expert in making the most of the unexpected, and +the distasteful incidents of the last few minutes--the revelation +to Selden of precisely that part of her life which she most +wished him to ignore--increased her longing for shelter, for +escape from such humiliating contingencies. Any definite +situation would be more tolerable than this buffeting of chances, +which kept her in an attitude of uneasy alertness toward every +possibility of life. + +Indoors there was a general sense of dispersal in the air, as of +an audience gathering itself up for departure after the principal +actors had left the stage; but among the remaining groups, Lily +could discover neither Gryce nor the youngest Miss Van Osburgh. +That both should be missing struck her with foreboding; and she +charmed Mr. Rosedale by proposing that they should make their way +to the conservatories at the farther end of the house. There were +just enough people left in the long suite of rooms to make their +progress conspicuous, and Lily was aware of being followed +by looks of amusement and interrogation, which glanced off as +harmlessly from her indifference as from her companion's +self-satisfaction. She cared very little at that moment about +being seen with Rosedale: all her thoughts were centred on the +object of her search. The latter, however, was not discoverable +in the conservatories, and Lily, oppressed by a sudden conviction +of failure, was casting about for a way to rid herself of her now +superfluous companion, when they came upon Mrs. Van Osburgh, +flushed and exhausted, but beaming with the consciousness of duty +performed. + +She glanced at them a moment with the benign but vacant eye of +the tired hostess, to whom her guests have become mere whirling +spots in a kaleidoscope of fatigue; then her attention became +suddenly fixed, and she seized on Miss Bart with a confidential +gesture. "My dear Lily, I haven't had time for a word with you, +and now I suppose you are just off. Have you seen Evie? She's +been looking everywhere for you: she wanted to tell you her +little secret; but I daresay you have guessed it already. The +engagement is not to be announced till next week--but you are +such a friend of Mr. Gryce's that they both wished you to be the +first to know of their happiness." + + + +Chapter 9 + +In Mrs. Peniston's youth, fashion had returned to town in +October; therefore on the tenth day of the month the blinds of +her Fifth Avenue residence were drawn up, and the eyes of the +Dying Gladiator in bronze who occupied the drawing-room window +resumed their survey of that deserted thoroughfare. + +The first two weeks after her return represented to Mrs. Peniston +the domestic equivalent of a religious retreat. She "went +through" the linen and blankets in the precise spirit of the +penitent exploring the inner folds of conscience; she sought for +moths as the stricken soul seeks for lurking infirmities. The +topmost shelf of every closet was made to yield up its secret, +cellar and coal-bin were probed to their darkest depths and, as a +final stage in the lustral rites, the entire house was swathed in +penitential white and deluged with expiatory soapsuds. + +It was on this phase of the proceedings that Miss Bart entered on +the afternoon of her return from the Van Osburgh wedding. The +journey back to town had not been calculated to soothe her +nerves. Though Evie Van Osburgh's engagement was still officially +a secret, it was one of which the innumerable intimate friends of +the family were already possessed; and the trainful of returning +guests buzzed with allusions and anticipations. Lily was acutely +aware of her own part in this drama of innuendo: she knew the +exact quality of the amusement the situation evoked. The crude +forms in which her friends took their pleasure included a loud +enjoyment of such complications: the zest of surprising destiny +in the act of playing a practical joke. Lily knew well enough how +to bear herself in difficult situations. She had, to a shade, the +exact manner between victory and defeat: every insinuation was +shed without an effort by the bright indifference of her manner. +But she was beginning to feel the strain of the attitude; the +reaction was more rapid, and she lapsed to a deeper self-disgust. + + +As was always the case with her, this moral repulsion found a +physical outlet in a quickened distaste for her surroundings. +She revolted from the complacent ugliness of Mrs. Peniston's +black walnut, from the slippery gloss of the vestibule tiles, +and the mingled odour of sapolio and furniture-polish that +met her at the door. + +The stairs were still carpetless, and on the way up to her room +she was arrested on the landing by an encroaching tide of +soapsuds. Gathering up her skirts, she drew aside with an +impatient gesture; and as she did so she had the odd sensation of +having already found herself in the same situation but in +different surroundings. It seemed to her that she was again +descending the staircase from Selden's rooms; and looking down to +remonstrate with the dispenser of the soapy flood, she found +herself met by a lifted stare which had once before confronted +her under similar circumstances. It was the char-woman of the +Benedick who, resting on crimson elbows, examined her with the +same unflinching curiosity, the same apparent reluctance to let +her pass. On this occasion, however, Miss Bart was on her own +ground. + +"Don't you see that I wish to go by? Please move your pail," she +said sharply. + +The woman at first seemed not to hear; then, without a word of +excuse, she pushed back her pail and dragged a wet floor-cloth +across the landing, keeping her eyes fixed on Lily while the +latter swept by. It was insufferable that Mrs. Peniston should +have such creatures about the house; and Lily entered her room +resolved that the woman should be dismissed that evening. + +Mrs. Peniston, however, was at the moment inaccessible to +remonstrance: since early morning she had been shut up with her +maid, going over her furs, a process which formed the culminating +episode in the drama of household renovation. In the evening also +Lily found herself alone, for her aunt, who rarely dined out, had +responded to the summons of a Van Alstyne cousin who was passing +through town. The house, in its state of unnatural immaculateness +and order, was as dreary as a tomb, and as Lily, turning from her +brief repast between shrouded sideboards, wandered into the +newly-uncovered glare of the drawing-room she felt as though she +were buried alive in the stifling limits of Mrs. Peniston's +existence. + +She usually contrived to avoid being at home during the season of +domestic renewal. On the present occasion, however, a variety of +reasons had combined to bring her to town; and foremost among +them was the fact that she had fewer invitations than usual for +the autumn. She had so long been accustomed to pass from one +country-house to another, till the close of the holidays brought +her friends to town, that the unfilled gaps of time confronting +her produced a sharp sense of waning popularity. It was as she +had said to Selden--people were tired of her. They would welcome +her in a new character, but as Miss Bart they knew her by heart. +She knew herself by heart too, and was sick of the old story. +There were moments when she longed blindly for anything +different, anything strange, remote and untried; but the utmost +reach of her imagination did not go beyond picturing her usual +life in a new setting. She could not figure herself as anywhere +but in a drawing-room, diffusing elegance as a flower sheds +perfume. + +Meanwhile, as October advanced she had to face the alternative of +returning to the Trenors or joining her aunt in town. Even the +desolating dulness of New York in October, and the soapy +discomforts of Mrs. Peniston's interior, seemed preferable to +what might await her at Bellomont; and with an air of heroic +devotion she announced her intention of remaining with her +aunt till the holidays. + +Sacrifices of this nature are sometimes received with feelings as +mixed as those which actuate them; and Mrs. Peniston remarked to +her confidential maid that, if any of the family were to be with +her at such a crisis (though for forty years she had been thought +competent to see to the hanging of her own curtains), she would +certainly have preferred Miss Grace to Miss Lily. Grace Stepney +was an obscure cousin, of adaptable manners and vicarious +interests, who "ran in" to sit with Mrs. Peniston when Lily dined +out too continuously; who played bezique, picked up dropped +stitches, read out the deaths from the Times, and sincerely +admired the purple satin drawing-room curtains, the Dying +Gladiator in the window, and the seven-by-five painting of +Niagara which represented the one artistic excess of Mr. +Peniston's temperate career. + +Mrs. Peniston, under ordinary circumstances, was as much +bored by her excellent cousin as the recipient of such services +usually is by the person who performs them. She greatly preferred +the brilliant and unreliable Lily, who did not know one end of a +crochet-needle from the other, and had frequently wounded her +susceptibilities by suggesting that the drawing-room should be +"done over." But when it came to hunting for missing napkins, or +helping to decide whether the backstairs needed re-carpeting, +Grace's judgment was certainly sounder than Lily's: not to +mention the fact that the latter resented the smell of beeswax +and brown soap, and behaved as though she thought a house ought +to keep clean of itself, without extraneous assistance. + +Seated under the cheerless blaze of the drawing-room +chandelier--Mrs. Peniston never lit the lamps unless there was +"company"--Lily seemed to watch her own figure retreating down +vistas of neutral-tinted dulness to a middle age like Grace +Stepney's. When she ceased to amuse Judy Trenor and her friends +she would have to fall back on amusing Mrs. Peniston; whichever +way she looked she saw only a future of servitude to the whims of +others, never the possibility of asserting her own eager +individuality. + +A ring at the door-bell, sounding emphatically through the empty +house, roused her suddenly to the extent of her boredom. It was +as though all the weariness of the past months had culminated in +the vacuity of that interminable evening. If only the ring meant +a summons from the outer world--a token that she was still +remembered and wanted! + +After some delay a parlour-maid presented herself with the +announcement that there was a person outside who was asking to +see Miss Bart; and on Lily's pressing for a more specific +description, she added: + +"It's Mrs. Haffen, Miss; she won't say what she wants." + +Lily, to whom the name conveyed nothing, opened the door upon a +woman in a battered bonnet, who stood firmly planted under the +hall-light. The glare of the unshaded gas shone familiarly on her +pock-marked face and the reddish baldness visible through thin +strands of straw-coloured hair. Lily looked at the char-woman in +surprise. + +"Do you wish to see me?" she asked. + +"I should like to say a word to you, Miss." The tone was +neither aggressive nor conciliatory: it revealed nothing of the +speaker's errand. Nevertheless, some precautionary instinct +warned Lily to withdraw beyond ear-shot of the hovering +parlour-maid. + +She signed to Mrs. Haffen to follow her into the drawing-room, +and closed the door when they had entered. + +"What is it that you wish?" she enquired. + +The char-woman, after the manner of her kind, stood with her arms +folded in her shawl. Unwinding the latter, she produced a small +parcel wrapped in dirty newspaper. + +"I have something here that you might like to see, Miss Bart." +She spoke the name with an unpleasant emphasis, as though her +knowing it made a part of her reason for being there. To Lily the +intonation sounded like a threat. + +"You have found something belonging to me?" she asked, extending +her hand. + +Mrs. Haffen drew back. "Well, if it comes to that, I guess it's +mine as much as anybody's," she returned. + +Lily looked at her perplexedly. She was sure, now, that her +visitor's manner conveyed a threat; but, expert as she was in +certain directions, there was nothing in her experience to +prepare her for the exact significance of the present scene. She +felt, however, that it must be ended as promptly as possible. + +"I don't understand; if this parcel is not mine, why have you +asked for me?" + +The woman was unabashed by the question. She was evidently +prepared to answer it, but like all her class she had to go a +long way back to make a beginning, and it was only after a pause +that she replied: "My husband was janitor to the Benedick till +the first of the month; since then he can't get nothing to do." + +Lily remained silent and she continued: "It wasn't no fault of +our own, neither: the agent had another man he wanted the place +for, and we was put out, bag and baggage, just to suit his fancy. +I had a long sickness last winter, and an operation that ate up +all we'd put by; and it's hard for me and the children, Haffen +being so long out of a job." + +After all, then, she had come only to ask Miss Bart to find a +place for her husband; or, more probably, to seek the young +lady's intervention with Mrs. Peniston. Lily had such an air +of always getting what she wanted that she was used to being +appealed to as an intermediary, and, relieved of her vague +apprehension, she took refuge in the conventional formula. + +"I am sorry you have been in trouble," she said. + +"Oh, that we have, Miss, and it's on'y just beginning. If on'y +we'd 'a got another situation--but the agent, he's dead against +us. It ain't no fault of ours, neither, but---" + +At this point Lily's impatience overcame her. "If you have +anything to say to me---" she interposed. + +The woman's resentment of the rebuff seemed to spur her lagging ideas. + +"Yes, Miss; I'm coming to that," she said. She paused again, with +her eyes on Lily, and then continued, in a tone of diffuse +narrative: "When we was at the Benedick I had charge of some of +the gentlemen's rooms; leastways, I swep' 'em out on Saturdays. +Some of the gentlemen got the greatest sight of letters: I never +saw the like of it. Their waste-paper baskets 'd be fairly +brimming, and papers falling over on the floor. Maybe havin' so +many is how they get so careless. Some of 'em is worse than +others. Mr. Selden, Mr. Lawrence Selden, he was always one of the +carefullest: burnt his letters in winter, and tore 'em in little +bits in summer. But sometimes he'd have so many he'd just bunch +'em together, the way the others did, and tear the lot through +once--like this." + +While she spoke she had loosened the string from the parcel in +her hand, and now she drew forth a letter which she laid on the +table between Miss Bart and herself. As she had said, the letter +was torn in two; but with a rapid gesture she laid the torn edges +together and smoothed out the page. + +A wave of indignation swept over Lily. She felt herself in the +presence of something vile, as yet but dimly conjectured--the +kind of vileness of which people whispered, but which she had +never thought of as touching her own life. She drew back with a +motion of disgust, but her withdrawal was checked by a sudden +discovery: under the glare of Mrs. Peniston's chandelier she had +recognized the hand-writing of the letter. It was a large +disjointed hand, with a flourish of masculinity which but +slightly disguised its rambling weakness, and the words, scrawled +in heavy ink on pale-tinted notepaper, smote on Lily's +ear as though she had heard them spoken. + +At first she did not grasp the full import of the situation. She +understood only that before her lay a letter written by Bertha +Dorset, and addressed, presumably, to Lawrence Selden. There was +no date, but the blackness of the ink proved the writing to be +comparatively recent. The packet in Mrs. Haffen's hand doubtless +contained more letters of the same kind--a dozen, Lily +conjectured from its thickness. The letter before her was short, +but its few words, which had leapt into her brain before she was +conscious of reading them, told a long history--a history over +which, for the last four years, the friends of the writer had +smiled and shrugged, viewing it merely as one among the countless +"good situations" of the mundane comedy. Now the other side +presented itself to Lily, the volcanic nether side of the surface +over which conjecture and innuendo glide so lightly till the +first fissure turns their whisper to a shriek. Lily knew that +there is nothing society resents so much as having given its +protection to those who have not known how to profit by it: it is +for having betrayed its connivance that the body social punishes +the offender who is found out. And in this case there was no +doubt of the issue. The code of Lily's world decreed that a +woman's husband should be the only judge of her conduct: she was +technically above suspicion while she had the shelter of his +approval, or even of his indifference. But with a man of George +Dorset's temper there could be no thought of condonation--the +possessor of his wife's letters could overthrow with a touch the +whole structure of her existence. And into what hands Bertha +Dorset's secret had been delivered! For a moment the irony of the +coincidence tinged Lily's disgust with a confused sense of +triumph. But the disgust prevailed--all her instinctive +resistances, of taste, of training, of blind inherited scruples, +rose against the other feeling. Her strongest sense was one of +personal contamination. + +She moved away, as though to put as much distance as possible +between herself and her visitor. "I know nothing of these +letters," she said; "I have no idea why you have brought them +here." + +Mrs. Haffen faced her steadily. "I'll tell you why, Miss. +I brought 'em to you to sell, because I ain't got no other way +of raising money, and if we don't pay our rent by tomorrow night +we'll be put out. I never done anythin' of the kind before, and +if you'd speak to Mr. Selden or to Mr. Rosedale about getting +Haffen taken on again at the Benedick--I seen you talking to Mr. +Rosedale on the steps that day you come out of Mr. Selden's +rooms---" + +The blood rushed to Lily's forehead. She understood now--Mrs. +Haffen supposed her to be the writer of the letters. In the first +leap of her anger she was about to ring and order the woman out; +but an obscure impulse restrained her. The mention of Selden's +name had started a new train of thought. Bertha Dorset's letters +were nothing to her--they might go where the current of chance +carried them! But Selden was inextricably involved in their fate. +Men do not, at worst, suffer much from such exposure; and in this +instance the flash of divination which had carried the meaning of +the letters to Lily's brain had revealed also that they were +appeals--repeated and therefore probably unanswered--for the +renewal of a tie which time had evidently relaxed. Nevertheless, +the fact that the correspondence had been allowed to fall into +strange hands would convict Selden of negligence in a matter +where the world holds it least pardonable; and there were graver +risks to consider where a man of Dorset's ticklish balance was +concerned. + +If she weighed all these things it was unconsciously: she was +aware only of feeling that Selden would wish the letters rescued, +and that therefore she must obtain possession of them. Beyond +that her mind did not travel. She had, indeed, a quick vision of +returning the packet to Bertha Dorset, and of the opportunities +the restitution offered; but this thought lit up abysses from +which she shrank back ashamed. + +Meanwhile Mrs. Haffen, prompt to perceive her hesitation, had +already opened the packet and ranged its contents on the table. +All the letters had been pieced together with strips of thin +paper. Some were in small fragments, the others merely torn in +half. Though there were not many, thus spread out they nearly +covered the table. Lily's glance fell on a word here and +there--then she said in a low voice: "What do you wish me to pay +you?" + +Mrs. Haffen's face reddened with satisfaction. It was clear that +the young lady was badly frightened, and Mrs. Haffen was the +woman to make the most of such fears. Anticipating an easier +victory than she had foreseen, she named an exorbitant sum. + +But Miss Bart showed herself a less ready prey than might have +been expected from her imprudent opening. She refused to pay the +price named, and after a moment's hesitation, met it by a +counter-offer of half the amount. + +Mrs. Haffen immediately stiffened. Her hand travelled toward the +outspread letters, and folding them slowly, she made as though to +restore them to their wrapping. + +"I guess they're worth more to you than to me, Miss, but the poor +has got to live as well as the rich," she observed sententiously. + + +Lily was throbbing with fear, but the insinuation fortified her +resistance. + +"You are mistaken," she said indifferently. "I have offered all I +am willing to give for the letters; but there may be other ways +of getting them." + +Mrs. Haffen raised a suspicious glance: she was too experienced +not to know that the traffic she was engaged in had perils as +great as its rewards, and she had a vision of the elaborate +machinery of revenge which a word of this commanding young lady's +might set in motion. + +She applied the corner of her shawl to her eyes, and murmured +through it that no good came of bearing too hard on the poor, but +that for her part she had never been mixed up in such a business +before, and that on her honour as a Christian all she and Haffen +had thought of was that the letters mustn't go any farther. + +Lily stood motionless, keeping between herself and the char-woman +the greatest distance compatible with the need of speaking in low +tones. The idea of bargaining for the letters was intolerable to +her, but she knew that, if she appeared to weaken, Mrs. Haffen +would at once increase her original demand. + +She could never afterward recall how long the duel lasted, or +what was the decisive stroke which finally, after a lapse of time +recorded in minutes by the clock, in hours by the precipitate +beat of her pulses, put her in possession of the letters; she +knew only that the door had finally closed, and that she stood +alone with the packet in her hand. + +She had no idea of reading the letters; even to unfold Mrs. +Haffen's dirty newspaper would have seemed degrading. But what +did she intend to do with its contents? The recipient of the +letters had meant to destroy them, and it was her duty to carry +out his intention. She had no right to keep them--to do so was to +lessen whatever merit lay in having secured their possession. But +how destroy them so effectually that there should be no second +risk of their falling in such hands? Mrs. Peniston's icy +drawing-room grate shone with a forbidding lustre: the fire, like +the lamps, was never lit except when there was company. + +Miss Bart was turning to carry the letters upstairs when she +heard the opening of the outer door, and her aunt entered the +drawing-room. Mrs. Peniston was a small plump woman, with a +colourless skin lined with trivial wrinkles. Her grey hair was +arranged with precision, and her clothes looked excessively new +and yet slightly old-fashioned. They were always black and +tightly fitting, with an expensive glitter: she was the kind of +woman who wore jet at breakfast. Lily had never seen her when she +was not cuirassed in shining black, with small tight boots, and +an air of being packed and ready to start; yet she never started. + +She looked about the drawing-room with an expression of minute +scrutiny. "I saw a streak of light under one of the blinds as I +drove up: it's extraordinary that I can never teach that woman to +draw them down evenly." + +Having corrected the irregularity, she seated herself on one of +the glossy purple arm-chairs; Mrs. Peniston always sat on a +chair, never in it. + +Then she turned her glance to Miss Bart. "My dear, you look +tired; I suppose it's the excitement of the wedding. Cornelia Van +Alstyne was full of it: Molly was there, and Gerty Farish ran in +for a minute to tell us about it. I think it was odd, their +serving melons before the CONSOMME: a wedding breakfast should +always begin with CONSOMME. Molly didn't care for the +bridesmaids' dresses. She had it straight from Julia Melson that +they cost three hundred dollars apiece at Celeste's, but she says +they didn't look it. I'm glad you decided not to be a +bridesmaid; that shade of salmon-pink wouldn't have suited you." +Mrs. Peniston delighted in discussing the minutest details of +festivities in which she had not taken part. Nothing would have +induced her to undergo the exertion and fatigue of attending the +Van Osburgh wedding, but so great was her interest in the event +that, having heard two versions of it, she now prepared to +extract a third from her niece. Lily, however, had been +deplorably careless in noting the particulars of the +entertainment. She had failed to observe the colour of Mrs. Van +Osburgh's gown, and could not even say whether the old Van +Osburgh Sevres had been used at the bride's table: Mrs. Peniston, +in short, found that she was of more service as a listener than +as a narrator. + +"Really, Lily, I don't see why you took the trouble to go to the +wedding, if you don't remember what happened or whom you saw +there. When I was a girl I used to keep the MENU of every dinner +I went to, and write the names of the people on the back; and I +never threw away my cotillion favours till after your uncle's +death, when it seemed unsuitable to have so many coloured things +about the house. I had a whole closet-full, I remember; and I can +tell to this day what balls I got them at. Molly Van Alstyne +reminds me of what I was at that age; it's wonderful how she +notices. She was able to tell her mother exactly how the +wedding-dress was cut, and we knew at once, from the fold in the +back, that it must have come from Paquin." + +Mrs. Peniston rose abruptly, and, advancing to the ormolu clock +surmounted by a helmeted Minerva, which throned on the +chimney-piece between two malachite vases, passed her lace +handkerchief between the helmet and its visor. + +"I knew it--the parlour-maid never dusts there!" she exclaimed, +triumphantly displaying a minute spot on the handkerchief; then, +reseating herself, she went on: "Molly thought Mrs. Dorset the +best-dressed woman at the wedding. I've no doubt her dress DID +cost more than any one else's, but I can't quite like the idea--a +combination of sable and POINT DE MILAN. It seems she goes to a +new man in Paris, who won't take an order till his client has +spent a day with him at his villa at Neuilly. He says he must +study his subject's home life--a most peculiar +arrangement, I should say! But Mrs. Dorset told Molly about it +herself: she said the villa was full of the most exquisite things +and she was really sorry to leave. Molly said she never saw her +looking better; she was in tremendous spirits, and said she had +made a match between Evie Van Osburgh and Percy Gryce. She really +seems to have a very good influence on young men. I hear she is +interesting herself now in that silly Silverton boy, who has had +his head turned by Carry Fisher, and has been gambling so +dreadfully. Well, as I was saying, Evie is really engaged: Mrs. +Dorset had her to stay with Percy Gryce, and managed it all, and +Grace Van Osburgh is in the seventh heaven--she had almost +despaired of marrying Evie." + +Mrs. Peniston again paused, but this time her scrutiny addressed +itself, not to the furniture, but to her niece. + +"Cornelia Van Alstyne was so surprised: she had heard that you +were to marry young Gryce. She saw the Wetheralls just after they +had stopped with you at Bellomont, and Alice Wetherall was quite +sure there was an engagement. She said that when Mr. Gryce left +unexpectedly one morning, they all thought he had rushed to town +for the ring." + +Lily rose and moved toward the door. + +"I believe I AM tired: I think I will go to bed," she said; and +Mrs. Peniston, suddenly distracted by the discovery that the +easel sustaining the late Mr. Peniston's crayon-portrait was not +exactly in line with the sofa in front of it, presented an +absent-minded brow to her kiss. + +In her own room Lily turned up the gas-jet and glanced toward the +grate. It was as brilliantly polished as the one below, but here +at least she could burn a few papers with less risk of incurring +her aunt's disapproval. She made no immediate motion to do so, +however, but dropping into a chair looked wearily about her. Her +room was large and comfortably-furnished--it was the envy and +admiration of poor Grace Stepney, who boarded; but, contrasted +with the light tints and luxurious appointments of the +guest-rooms where so many weeks of Lily's existence were spent, +it seemed as dreary as a prison. The monumental wardrobe and +bedstead of black walnut had migrated from Mr. Peniston's +bedroom, and the magenta "flock" wall-paper, of a pattern dear to +the early 'sixties, was hung with large steel engravings +of an anecdotic character. Lily had tried to mitigate this +charmless background by a few frivolous touches, in the shape of +a lace-decked toilet table and a little painted desk surmounted +by photographs; but the futility of the attempt struck her as she +looked about the room. What a contrast to the subtle elegance of +the setting she had pictured for herself--an apartment which +should surpass the complicated luxury of her friends' +surroundings by the whole extent of that artistic sensibility +which made her feel herself their superior; in which every tint +and line should combine to enhance her beauty and give +distinction to her leisure! Once more the haunting sense of +physical ugliness was intensified by her mental depression, so +that each piece of the offending furniture seemed to thrust forth +its most aggressive angle. + +Her aunt's words had told her nothing new; but they had revived +the vision of Bertha Dorset, smiling, flattered, victorious, +holding her up to ridicule by insinuations intelligible to every +member of their little group. The thought of the ridicule struck +deeper than any other sensation: Lily knew every turn of the +allusive jargon which could flay its victims without the shedding +of blood. Her cheek burned at the recollection, and she rose and +caught up the letters. She no longer meant to destroy them: that +intention had been effaced by the quick corrosion of Mrs. +Peniston's words. + +Instead, she approached her desk, and lighting a taper, tied and +sealed the packet; then she opened the wardrobe, drew out a +despatch-box, and deposited the letters within it. As she did so, +it struck her with a flash of irony that she was indebted to Gus +Trenor for the means of buying them. + + + +Chapter 10 + +The autumn dragged on monotonously. Miss Bart had received one +or two notes from Judy Trenor, reproaching her for not returning +to Bellomont; but she replied evasively, alleging the obligation +to remain with her aunt. In truth, however, she was fast wearying +of her solitary existence with Mrs. Peniston, and only the +excitement of spending her newly-acquired money lightened the +dulness of the days. + +All her life Lily had seen money go out as quickly as it came in, +and whatever theories she cultivated as to the prudence of +setting aside a part of her gains, she had unhappily no saving +vision of the risks of the opposite course. It was a keen +satisfaction to feel that, for a few months at least, she would +be independent of her friends' bounty, that she could show +herself abroad without wondering whether some penetrating eye +would detect in her dress the traces of Judy Trenor's refurbished +splendour. The fact that the money freed her temporarily from all +minor obligations obscured her sense of the greater one it +represented, and having never before known what it was to command +so large a sum, she lingered delectably over the amusement of +spending it. + +It was on one of these occasions that, leaving a shop where she +had spent an hour of deliberation over a dressing-case of the +most complicated elegance, she ran across Miss Farish, who had +entered the same establishment with the modest object of having +her watch repaired. Lily was feeling unusually virtuous. She had +decided to defer the purchase of the dressing-case till she +should receive the bill for her new opera-cloak, and the resolve +made her feel much richer than when she had entered the shop. In +this mood of self-approval she had a sympathetic eye for others, +and she was struck by her friend's air of dejection. + +Miss Farish, it appeared, had just left the committee-meeting of +a struggling charity in which she was interested. The object of +the association was to provide comfortable lodgings, with a +reading-room and other modest distractions, where young women of +the class employed in down town offices might find a home when +out of work, or in need of rest, and the first year's +financial report showed so deplorably small a balance that Miss +Farish, who was convinced of the urgency of the work, felt +proportionately discouraged by the small amount of interest it +aroused. The other-regarding sentiments had not been cultivated +in Lily, and she was often bored by the relation of her friend's +philanthropic efforts, but today her quick dramatizing fancy +seized on the contrast between her own situation and that +represented by some of Gerty's "cases." These were young girls, +like herself; some perhaps pretty, some not without a trace of +her finer sensibilities. She pictured herself leading such a life +as theirs--a life in which achievement seemed as squalid as +failure--and the vision made her shudder sympathetically. The +price of the dressing-case was still in her pocket; and drawing +out her little gold purse she slipped a liberal fraction of the +amount into Miss Farish's hand. + +The satisfaction derived from this act was all that the most +ardent moralist could have desired. Lily felt a new interest in +herself as a person of charitable instincts: she had never before +thought of doing good with the wealth she had so often dreamed of +possessing, but now her horizon was enlarged by the vision of a +prodigal philanthropy. Moreover, by some obscure process of +logic, she felt that her momentary burst of generosity had +justified all previous extravagances, and excused any in which +she might subsequently indulge. Miss Farish's surprise and +gratitude confirmed this feeling, and Lily parted from her with a +sense of self-esteem which she naturally mistook for the fruits +of altruism. + +About this time she was farther cheered by an invitation to spend +the Thanksgiving week at a camp in the Adirondacks. The +invitation was one which, a year earlier, would have provoked a +less ready response, for the party, though organized by Mrs. +Fisher, was ostensibly given by a lady of obscure origin and +indomitable social ambitions, whose acquaintance Lily had +hitherto avoided. Now, however, she was disposed to coincide with +Mrs. Fisher's view, that it didn't matter who gave the party, as +long as things were well done; and doing things well (under +competent direction) was Mrs. Wellington Bry's strong point. The +lady (whose consort was known as "Welly" Bry on the Stock +Exchange and in sporting circles) had already sacrificed +one husband, and sundry minor considerations, to her +determination to get on; and, having obtained a hold on Carry +Fisher, she was astute enough to perceive the wisdom of +committing herself entirely to that lady's guidance. Everything, +accordingly, was well done, for there was no limit to Mrs. +Fisher's prodigality when she was not spending her own money, and +as she remarked to her pupil, a good cook was the best +introduction to society. If the company was not as select as the +CUISINE, the Welly Brys at least had the satisfaction of +figuring for the first time in the society columns in company +with one or two noticeable names; and foremost among these was of +course Miss Bart's. The young lady was treated by her hosts with +corresponding deference; and she was in the mood when such +attentions are acceptable, whatever their source. Mrs. Bry's +admiration was a mirror in which Lily's self-complacency +recovered its lost outline. No insect hangs its nest on threads +as frail as those which will sustain the weight of human vanity; +and the sense of being of importance among the insignificant was +enough to restore to Miss Bart the gratifying consciousness of +power. If these people paid court to her it proved that she was +still conspicuous in the world to which they aspired; and she was +not above a certain enjoyment in dazzling them by her fineness, +in developing their puzzled perception of her superiorities. + +Perhaps, however, her enjoyment proceeded more than she was aware +from the physical stimulus of the excursion, the challenge of +crisp cold and hard exercise, the responsive thrill of her body +to the influences of the winter woods. She returned to town in a +glow of rejuvenation, conscious of a clearer colour in her +cheeks, +a fresh elasticity in her muscles. The future seemed full of a +vague promise, and all her apprehensions were swept out of sight +on the buoyant current of her mood. + +A few days after her return to town she had the unpleasant +surprise of a visit from Mr. Rosedale. He came late, at the +confidential hour when the tea-table still lingers by the fire in +friendly expectancy; and his manner showed a readiness to adapt +itself to the intimacy of the occasion. + +Lily, who had a vague sense of his being somehow connected +with her lucky speculations, tried to give him the welcome he +expected; but there was something in the quality of his geniality +which chilled her own, and she was conscious of marking each step +in their acquaintance by a fresh blunder. + +Mr. Rosedale--making himself promptly at home in an adjoining +easy-chair, and sipping his tea critically, with the comment: +"You ought to go to my man for something really good"--appeared +totally unconscious of the repugnance which kept her in frozen +erectness behind the urn. It was perhaps her very manner of +holding herself aloof that appealed to his collector's passion +for the rare and unattainable. He gave, at any rate, no sign of +resenting it and seemed prepared to supply in his own manner all +the ease that was lacking in hers. + +His object in calling was to ask her to go to the opera in his +box on the opening night, and seeing her hesitate he said +persuasively: "Mrs. Fisher is coming, and I've secured a +tremendous admirer of yours, who'll never forgive me if you don't +accept." + +As Lily's silence left him with this allusion on his hands, he +added with a confidential smile: "Gus Trenor has promised to come +to town on purpose. I fancy he'd go a good deal farther for the +pleasure of seeing you." + +Miss Bart felt an inward motion of annoyance: it was distasteful +enough to hear her name coupled with Trenor's, and on Rosedale's +lips the allusion was peculiarly unpleasant. + +"The Trenors are my best friends--I think we should all go a long +way to see each other," she said, absorbing herself in the +preparation of fresh tea. + +Her visitor's smile grew increasingly intimate. "Well, I wasn't +thinking of Mrs. Trenor at the moment--they say Gus doesn't +always, you know." Then, dimly conscious that he had not struck +the right note, he added, with a well-meant effort at diversion: +"How's your luck been going in Wall Street, by the way? I hear +Gus pulled off a nice little pile for you last month." + +Lily put down the tea-caddy with an abrupt gesture. She felt that +her hands were trembling, and clasped them on her knee to steady +them; but her lip trembled too, and for a moment she was afraid +the tremor might communicate itself to her voice. When +she spoke, however, it was in a tone of perfect lightness. + +"Ah, yes--I had a little bit of money to invest, and Mr. Trenor, +who helps me about such matters, advised my putting it in stocks +instead of a mortgage, as my aunt's agent wanted me to do; and as +it happened, I made a lucky 'turn'--is that what you call it? For +you make a great many yourself, I believe." + +She was smiling back at him now, relaxing the tension of her +attitude, and admitting him, by imperceptible gradations of +glance and manner, a step farther toward intimacy. The protective +instinct always nerved her to successful dissimulation, and it +was not the first time she had used her beauty to divert +attention from an inconvenient topic. + +When Mr. Rosedale took leave, he carried with him, not only her +acceptance of his invitation, but a general sense of having +comported himself in a way calculated to advance his cause. He +had always believed he had a light touch and a knowing way with +women, and the prompt manner in which Miss Bart (as he would have +phrased it) had "come into line," confirmed his confidence in his +powers of handling this skittish sex. Her way of glossing over +the transaction with Trenor he regarded at once as a tribute to +his own acuteness, and a confirmation of his suspicions. The girl +was evidently nervous, and Mr. Rosedale, if he saw no other means +of advancing his acquaintance with her, was not above taking +advantage of her nervousness. + +He left Lily to a passion of disgust and fear. It seemed +incredible that Gus Trenor should have spoken of her to Rosedale. +With all his faults, Trenor had the safeguard of his traditions, +and was the less likely to overstep them because they were so +purely instinctive. But Lily recalled with a pang that there were +convivial moments when, as Judy had confided to her, Gus "talked +foolishly": in one of these, no doubt, the fatal word had slipped +from him. As for Rosedale, she did not, after the first shock, +greatly care what conclusions he had drawn. Though usually adroit +enough where her own interests were concerned, she made the +mistake, not uncommon to persons in whom the social habits are +instinctive, of supposing that the inability to acquire them +quickly implies a general dulness. Because a blue-bottle +bangs irrationally against a window-pane, the drawing-room +naturalist may forget that under less artificial conditions it is +capable of measuring distances and drawing conclusions with all +the accuracy needful to its welfare; and the fact that Mr. +Rosedale's drawing-room manner lacked perspective made Lily class +him with Trenor and the other dull men she knew, and assume that +a little flattery, and the occasional acceptance of his +hospitality, would suffice to render him innocuous. However, +there could be no doubt of the expediency of showing herself in +his box on the opening night of the opera; and after all, since +Judy Trenor had promised to take him up that winter, it was as +well to reap the advantage of being first in the field. + +For a day or two after Rosedale's visit, Lily's thoughts were +dogged by the consciousness of Trenor's shadowy claim, and she +wished she had a clearer notion of the exact nature of the +transaction which seemed to have put her in his power; but her +mind shrank from any unusual application, and she was always +helplessly puzzled by figures. Moreover she had not seen Trenor +since the day of the Van Osburgh wedding, and in his continued +absence the trace of Rosedale's words was soon effaced by other +impressions. + +When the opening night of the opera came, her apprehensions had +so completely vanished that the sight of Trenor's ruddy +countenance in the back of Mr. Rosedale's box filled her with a +sense of pleasant reassurance. Lily had not quite reconciled +herself to the necessity of appearing as Rosedale's guest on so +conspicuous an occasion, and it was a relief to find herself +supported by any one of her own set--for Mrs. Fisher's social +habits were too promiscuous for her presence to justify Miss +Bart's. + +To Lily, always inspirited by the prospect of showing her beauty +in public, and conscious tonight of all the added enhancements of +dress, the insistency of Trenor's gaze merged itself in the +general stream of admiring looks of which she felt herself the +centre. Ah, it was good to be young, to be radiant, to glow with +the sense of slenderness, strength and elasticity, of well-poised +lines and happy tints, to feel one's self lifted to a height +apart by that incommunicable grace which is the bodily +counterpart of genius! + +All means seemed justifiable to attain such an end, or rather, by +a happy shifting of lights with which practice had familiarized +Miss Bart, the cause shrank to a pin-point in the general +brightness of the effect. But brilliant young ladies, a little +blinded by their own effulgence, are apt to forget that the +modest satellite drowned in their light is still performing its +own revolutions and generating heat at its own rate. If Lily's +poetic enjoyment of the moment was undisturbed by the base +thought that her gown and opera cloak had been indirectly paid +for by Gus Trenor, the latter had not sufficient poetry in his +composition to lose sight of these prosaic facts. He knew only +that he had never seen Lily look smarter in her life, that there +wasn't a woman in the house who showed off good clothes as she +did, and that hitherto he, to whom she owed the opportunity of +making this display, had reaped no return beyond that of gazing +at her in company with several hundred other pairs of eyes. + +It came to Lily therefore as a disagreeable surprise when, in the +back of the box, where they found themselves alone between two +acts, Trenor said, without preamble, and in a tone of sulky +authority: "Look here, Lily, how is a fellow ever to see anything +of you? I'm in town three or four days in the week, and you know +a line to the club will always find me, but you don't seem to +remember my existence nowadays unless you want to get a tip out +of me." + +The fact that the remark was in distinctly bad taste did not make +it any easier to answer, for Lily was vividly aware that it was +not the moment for that drawing up of her slim figure and +surprised lifting of the brows by which she usually quelled +incipient signs of familiarity. + +"I'm very much flattered by your wanting to see me," she +returned, essaying lightness instead, "but, unless you have +mislaid my address, it would have been easy to find me any +afternoon at my aunt's--in fact, I rather expected you to look me +up there." + +If she hoped to mollify him by this last concession the attempt +was a failure, for he only replied, with the familiar lowering of +the brows that made him look his dullest when he was angry: "Hang +going to your aunt's, and wasting the afternoon listening to a +lot of other chaps talking to you! You know I'm not the +kind to sit in a crowd and jaw--I'd always rather clear out when +that sort of circus is going on. But why can't we go off +somewhere on a little lark together--a nice quiet little +expedition like that drive at Bellomont, the day you met me at +the station?" + +He leaned unpleasantly close in order to convey this suggestion, +and she fancied she caught a significant aroma which explained +the dark flush on his face and the glistening dampness of his +forehead. + +The idea that any rash answer might provoke an unpleasant +outburst tempered her disgust with caution, and she answered with +a laugh: "I don't see how one can very well take country drives +in town, but I am not always surrounded by an admiring throng, +and if you will let me know what afternoon you are coming I will +arrange things so that we can have a nice quiet talk." + +"Hang talking! That's what you always say," returned Trenor, +whose expletives lacked variety. "You put me off with that at the +Van Osburgh wedding--but the plain English of it is that, now +you've got what you wanted out of me, you'd rather have any other +fellow about." + +His voice had risen sharply with the last words, and Lily flushed +with annoyance, but she kept command of the situation and laid a +persuasive hand on his arm. + +"Don't be foolish, Gus; I can't let you talk to me in that +ridiculous way. If you really want to see me, why shouldn't we +take a walk in the Park some afternoon? I agree with you that +it's amusing to be rustic in town, and if you like I'll meet you +there, and we'll go and feed the squirrels, and you shall take me +out on the lake in the steam-gondola." + +She smiled as she spoke, letting her eyes rest on his in a way +that took the edge from her banter and made him suddenly +malleable to her will. + +"All right, then: that's a go. Will you come tomorrow? Tomorrow +at three o'clock, at the end of the Mall. I'll be there sharp, +remember; you won't go back on me, Lily?" + +But to Miss Bart's relief the repetition of her promise was cut +short by the opening of the box door to admit George Dorset. + +Trenor sulkily yielded his place, and Lily turned a brilliant +smile on the newcomer. She had not talked with Dorset since +their visit at Bellomont, but something in his look and manner +told her that he recalled the friendly footing on which they had +last met. He was not a man to whom the expression of admiration +came easily: his long sallow face and distrustful eyes seemed +always barricaded against the expansive emotions. But, where her +own influence was concerned, Lily's intuitions sent out +thread-like feelers, and as she made room for him on the narrow +sofa she was sure he found a dumb pleasure in being near her. Few +women took the trouble to make themselves agreeable to Dorset, +and Lily had been kind to him at Bellomont, and was now smiling +on him with a divine renewal of kindness. + +"Well, here we are, in for another six months of caterwauling," +he began complainingly. "Not a shade of difference between this +year and last, except that the women have got new clothes and the +singers haven't got new voices. My wife's musical, you know--puts +me through a course of this every winter. It isn't so bad on +Italian nights--then she comes late, and there's time to digest. +But when they give Wagner we have to rush dinner, and I pay up +for it. And the draughts are damnable--asphyxia in front and +pleurisy in the back. There's Trenor leaving the box without +drawing the curtain! With a hide like that draughts don't make +any difference. Did you ever watch Trenor eat? If you did, you'd +wonder why he's alive; I suppose he's leather inside too.--But I +came to say that my wife wants you to come down to our place next +Sunday. Do for heaven's sake say yes. She's got a lot of bores +coming--intellectual ones, I mean; that's her new line, you +know, and I'm not sure it ain't worse than the music. Some of 'em +have long hair, and they start an argument with the soup, and +don't notice when things are handed to them. The consequence is +the dinner gets cold, and I have dyspepsia. That silly ass +Silverton brings them to the house--he writes poetry, you know, +and Bertha and he are getting tremendously thick. She could write +better than any of 'em if she chose, and I don't blame her for +wanting clever fellows about; all I say is: 'Don't let me see 'em +eat!'" + +The gist of this strange communication gave Lily a distinct +thrill of pleasure. Under ordinary circumstances, there would +have been nothing surprising in an invitation from Bertha Dorset; +but since the Bellomont episode an unavowed hostility had +kept the two women apart. Now, with a start of inner wonder, +Lily felt that her thirst for retaliation had died out. IF YOU WOULD +FORGIVE YOUR ENEMY, says the Malay proverb, FIRST INFLICT A HURT +ON HIM; and Lily was experiencing the truth of the apothegm. +If she had destroyed Mrs. Dorset's letters, she might have +continued to hate her; but the fact that they remained in her +possession had fed her resentment to satiety. + +She uttered a smiling acceptance, hailing in the renewal of the +tie an escape from Trenor's importunities. + + + +Chapter 11 + +Meanwhile the holidays had gone by and the season was beginning. +Fifth Avenue had become a nightly torrent of carriages surging +upward to the fashionable quarters about the Park, where +illuminated windows and outspread awnings betokened the usual +routine of hospitality. Other tributary currents crossed the +mainstream, bearing their freight to the theatres, restaurants or +opera; and Mrs. Peniston, from the secluded watch-tower of her +upper window, could tell to a nicety just when the chronic volume +of sound was increased by the sudden influx setting toward a Van +Osburgh ball, or when the multiplication of wheels meant merely +that the opera was over, or that there was a big supper at +Sherry's. + +Mrs. Peniston followed the rise and culmination of the season as +keenly as the most active sharer in its gaieties; and, as a +looker-on, she enjoyed opportunities of comparison and +generalization such as those who take part must proverbially +forego. No one could have kept a more accurate record of social +fluctuations, or have put a more unerring finger on the +distinguishing features of each season: its dulness, its +extravagance, its lack of balls or excess of divorces. She had a +special memory for the vicissitudes of the "new people" who rose +to the surface with each recurring tide, and were either +submerged beneath its rush or landed triumphantly beyond the +reach of envious breakers; and she was apt to display a +remarkable retrospective insight into their ultimate fate, so +that, when they had fulfilled their destiny, she was almost +always able to say to Grace Stepney--the recipient of her +prophecies--that she had known exactly what would happen. + +This particular season Mrs. Peniston would have characterized as +that in which everybody "felt poor" except the Welly Brys and Mr. +Simon Rosedale. It had been a bad autumn in Wall Street, where +prices fell in accordance with that peculiar law which proves +railway stocks and bales of cotton to be more sensitive to the +allotment of executive power than many estimable citizens trained +to all the advantages of self-government. Even fortunes supposed +to be independent of the market either betrayed a secret +dependence on it, or suffered from a sympathetic affection: +fashion sulked in its country houses, or came to town incognito, +general entertainments were discountenanced, and informality and +short dinners became the fashion. + +But society, amused for a while at playing Cinderella, soon +wearied of the hearthside role, and welcomed the Fairy Godmother +in the shape of any magician powerful enough to turn the shrunken +pumpkin back again into the golden coach. The mere fact of +growing richer at a time when most people's investments are +shrinking, is calculated to attract envious attention; and +according to Wall Street rumours, Welly Bry and Rosedale had +found the secret of performing this miracle. + +Rosedale, in particular, was said to have doubled his fortune, +and there was talk of his buying the newly-finished house of one +of the victims of the crash, who, in the space of twelve short +months, had made the same number of millions, built a house in +Fifth Avenue, filled a picture-gallery with old masters, +entertained all New York in it, and been smuggled out of the +country between a trained nurse and a doctor, while his creditors +mounted guard over the old masters, and his guests explained to +each other that they had dined with him only because they wanted +to see the pictures. Mr. Rosedale meant to have a less meteoric +career. He knew he should have to go slowly, and the instincts of +his race fitted him to suffer rebuffs and put up with delays. But +he was prompt to perceive that the general dulness of the season +afforded him an unusual opportunity to shine, and he set about +with patient industry to form a background for his growing glory. +Mrs. Fisher was of immense service to him at this period. She had +set off so many newcomers on the social stage that she was like +one of those pieces of stock scenery which tell the experienced +spectator exactly what is going to take place. But Mr. Rosedale +wanted, in the long run, a more individual environment. He was +sensitive to shades of difference which Miss Bart would never +have credited him with perceiving, because he had no +corresponding variations of manner; and it was becoming more and +more clear to him that Miss Bart herself possessed precisely the +complementary qualities needed to round off his social +personality. + +Such details did not fall within the range of Mrs. Peniston's +vision. Like many minds of panoramic sweep, hers was apt to +overlook the MINUTIAE of the foreground, and she was much more +likely to know where Carry Fisher had found the Welly Brys' CHEF +for them, than what was happening to her own niece. She was not, +however, without purveyors of information ready to supplement her +deficiencies. Grace Stepney's mind was like a kind of moral +fly-paper, to which the buzzing items of gossip were drawn by a +fatal attraction, and where they hung fast in the toils of an +inexorable memory. Lily would have been surprised to know how +many trivial facts concerning herself were lodged in Miss +Stepney's head. She was quite aware that she was of interest to +dingy people, but she assumed that there is only one form of +dinginess, and that admiration for brilliancy is the natural +expression of its inferior state. She knew that Gerty Farish +admired her blindly, and therefore supposed that she inspired the +same sentiments in Grace Stepney, whom she classified as a Gerty +Farish without the saving traits of youth and enthusiasm. + +In reality, the two differed from each other as much as they +differed from the object of their mutual contemplation. Miss +Farish's heart was a fountain of tender illusions, Miss Stepney's +a precise register of facts as manifested in their relation to +herself. She had sensibilities which, to Lily, would have seemed +comic in a person with a freckled nose and red eyelids, who lived +in a boarding-house and admired Mrs. Peniston's drawing-room; but +poor Grace's limitations gave them a more concentrated inner +life, as poor soil starves certain plants into intenser +efflorescence. She had in truth no abstract propensity to malice: +she did not dislike Lily because the latter was brilliant and +predominant, but because she thought that Lily disliked her. It +is less mortifying to believe one's self unpopular than +insignificant, and vanity prefers to assume that indifference is +a latent form of unfriendliness. Even such scant civilities as +Lily accorded to Mr. Rosedale would have made Miss Stepney her +friend for life; but how could she foresee that such a friend was +worth cultivating? How, moreover, can a young woman who has never +been ignored measure the pang which this injury inflicts? And, +lastly, how could Lily, accustomed to choose between a +pressure of engagements, guess that she had mortally offended +Miss Stepney by causing her to be excluded from one of Mrs. +Peniston's infrequent dinner-parties? + +Mrs. Peniston disliked giving dinners, but she had a high sense +of family obligation, and on the Jack Stepneys' return from their +honeymoon she felt it incumbent upon her to light the +drawing-room lamps and extract her best silver from the Safe +Deposit vaults. Mrs. Peniston's rare entertainments were preceded +by days of heart-rending vacillation as to every detail of the +feast, from the seating of the guests to the pattern of the +table-cloth, and in the course of one of these preliminary +discussions she had imprudently suggested to her cousin Grace +that, as the dinner was a family affair, she might be included in +it. For a week the prospect had lighted up Miss Stepney's +colourless existence; then she had been given to understand that +it would be more convenient to have her another day. Miss Stepney +knew exactly what had happened. Lily, to whom family reunions +were occasions of unalloyed dulness, had persuaded her aunt that +a dinner of "smart" people would be much more to the taste of the +young couple, and Mrs. Peniston, who leaned helplessly on her +niece in social matters, had been prevailed upon to pronounce +Grace's exile. After all, Grace could come any other day; why +should she mind being put off? + +It was precisely because Miss Stepney could come any other +day--and because she knew her relations were in the secret of her +unoccupied evenings--that this incident loomed gigantically on +her horizon. She was aware that she had Lily to thank for it; and +dull resentment was turned to active animosity. + +Mrs. Peniston, on whom she had looked in a day or two after the +dinner, laid down her crochet-work and turned abruptly from her +oblique survey of Fifth Avenue. + +"Gus Trenor?--Lily and Gus Trenor?" she said, growing so suddenly +pale that her visitor was almost alarmed. + +"Oh, cousin Julia . . . of course I don't mean . . ." + +"I don't know what you DO mean," said Mrs. Peniston, with a +frightened quiver in her small fretful voice. "Such things were +never heard of in my day. And my own niece! I'm not sure I +understand you. Do people say he's in love with her?" + +Mrs. Peniston's horror was genuine. Though she boasted an +unequalled familiarity with the secret chronicles of society, she +had the innocence of the school-girl who regards wickedness as a +part of "history," and to whom it never occurs that the scandals +she reads of in lesson-hours may be repeating themselves in the +next street. Mrs. Peniston had kept her imagination shrouded, +like the drawing-room furniture. She knew, of course, that +society was "very much changed," and that many women her mother +would have thought "peculiar" were now in a position to be +critical about their visiting-lists; she had discussed the perils +of divorce with her rector, and had felt thankful at times that +Lily was still unmarried; but the idea that any scandal could +attach to a young girl's name, above all that it could be lightly +coupled with that of a married man, was so new to her that she +was as much aghast as if she had been accused of leaving her +carpets down all summer, or of violating any of the other +cardinal laws of housekeeping. + +Miss Stepney, when her first fright had subsided, began to feel +the superiority that greater breadth of mind confers. It was +really pitiable to be as ignorant of the world as Mrs. Peniston! +She smiled at the latter's question. "People always say +unpleasant things--and certainly they're a great deal together. A +friend of mine met them the other afternoon in the Park-quite +late, after the lamps were lit. It's a pity Lily makes herself so +conspicuous." + +"CONSPICUOUS!" gasped Mrs. Peniston. She bent forward, lowering +her voice to mitigate the horror. "What sort of things do they +say? That he means to get a divorce and marry her?" + +Grace Stepney laughed outright. "Dear me, no! He would hardly do +that. It--it's a flirtation--nothing more." + +"A flirtation? Between my niece and a married man? Do you mean to +tell me that, with Lily's looks and advantages, she could find no +better use for her time than to waste it on a fat stupid man +almost old enough to be her father?" This argument had such a +convincing ring that it gave Mrs. Peniston sufficient reassurance +to pick up her work, while she waited for Grace Stepney to rally +her scattered forces. + +But Miss Stepney was on the spot in an instant. "That's the worst +of it--people say she isn't wasting her time! Every one knows, as +you say, that Lily is too handsome and-and charming--to devote +herself to a man like Gus Trenor unless--" + +"Unless?" echoed Mrs. Peniston. Her visitor drew breath +nervously. It was agreeable to shock Mrs. Peniston, but not to +shock her to the verge of anger. Miss Stepney was not +sufficiently familiar with the classic drama to have recalled in +advance how bearers of bad tidings are proverbially received, but +she now had a rapid vision of forfeited dinners and a reduced +wardrobe as the possible consequence of her disinterestedness. To +the honour of her sex, however, hatred of Lily prevailed over +more personal considerations. Mrs. Peniston had chosen the wrong +moment to boast of her niece's charms. + +"Unless," said Grace, leaning forward to speak with low-toned +emphasis, "unless there are material advantages to be gained by +making herself agreeable to him." + +She felt that the moment was tremendous, and remembered suddenly +that Mrs. Peniston's black brocade, with the cut jet fringe, +would have been hers at the end of the season. + +Mrs. Peniston put down her work again. Another aspect of the same +idea had presented itself to her, and she felt that it was +beneath her dignity to have her nerves racked by a dependent +relative who wore her old clothes. + +"If you take pleasure in annoying me by mysterious insinuations," +she said coldly, "you might at least have chosen a more suitable +time than just as I am recovering from the strain of giving a +large dinner." + +The mention of the dinner dispelled Miss Stepney's last scruples. +"I don't know why I should be accused of taking pleasure in +telling you about Lily. I was sure I shouldn't get any thanks for +it," she returned with a flare of temper. "But I have some family +feeling left, and as you are the only person who has any +authority over Lily, I thought you ought to know what is being +said of her." + +"Well," said Mrs. Peniston, "what I complain of is that you +haven't told me yet what IS being said." + +"I didn't suppose I should have to put it so plainly. People say +that Gus Trenor pays her bills." + +"Pays her bills--her bills?" Mrs. Peniston broke into a laugh. "I +can't imagine where you can have picked up such rubbish. Lily has +her own income--and I provide for her very handsomely--" + +"Oh, we all know that," interposed Miss Stepney drily. "But Lily +wears a great many smart gowns--" + +"I like her to be well-dressed--it's only suitable!" + +"Certainly; but then there are her gambling debts besides." + +Miss Stepney, in the beginning, had not meant to bring up this +point; but Mrs. Peniston had only her own incredulity to blame. +She was like the stiff-necked unbelievers of Scripture, who must +be annihilated to be convinced. + +"Gambling debts? Lily?" Mrs. Peniston's voice shook with anger +and bewilderment. She wondered whether Grace Stepney had gone out +of her mind. "What do you mean by her gambling debts?" + +"Simply that if one plays bridge for money in Lily's set one is +liable to lose a great deal--and I don't suppose Lily always +wins." + +"Who told you that my niece played cards for money?" + +"Mercy, cousin Julia, don't look at me as if I were trying to +turn you against Lily! Everybody knows she is crazy about bridge. +Mrs. Gryce told me herself that it was her gambling that +frightened Percy Gryce--it seems he was really taken with her at +first. But, of course, among Lily's friends it's quite the custom +for girls to play for money. In fact, people are inclined to +excuse her on that account---" + +"To excuse her for what?" + +"For being hard up--and accepting attentions from men like Gus +Trenor--and George Dorset---" + +Mrs. Peniston gave another cry. "George Dorset? Is there any one +else? I should like to know the worst, if you please." + +"Don't put it in that way, cousin Julia. Lately Lily has been a +good deal with the Dorsets, and he seems to admire her--but of +course that's only natural. And I'm sure there is no truth in the +horrid things people say; but she HAS been spending a great deal +of money this winter. Evie Van Osburgh was at Celeste's +ordering her trousseau the other day--yes, the marriage takes +place next month--and she told me that Celeste showed her the +most exquisite things she was just sending home to Lily. And +people say that Judy Trenor has quarrelled with her on account of +Gus; but I'm sure I'm sorry I spoke, though I only meant it as a +kindness." + +Mrs. Peniston's genuine incredulity enabled her to dismiss Miss +Stepney with a disdain which boded ill for that lady's prospect +of succeeding to the black brocade; but minds impenetrable to +reason have generally some crack through which suspicion filters, +and her visitor's insinuations did not glide off as easily as she +had expected. Mrs. Peniston disliked scenes, and her +determination to avoid them had always led her to hold herself +aloof from the details of Lily's life. In her youth, girls had +not been supposed to require close supervision. They were +generally assumed to be taken up with the legitimate business of +courtship and marriage, and interference in such affairs on the +part of their natural guardians was considered as unwarrantable +as a spectator's suddenly joining in a game. There had of course +been "fast" girls even in Mrs. Peniston's early experience; but +their fastness, at worst, was understood to be a mere excess of +animal spirits, against which there could be no graver charge +than that of being "unladylike." The modern fastness appeared +synonymous with immorality, and the mere idea of immorality was +as offensive to Mrs. Peniston as a smell of cooking in the +drawing-room: it was one of the conceptions her mind refused to +admit. + +She had no immediate intention of repeating to Lily what she had +heard, or even of trying to ascertain its truth by means of +discreet interrogation. To do so might be to provoke a scene; and +a scene, in the shaken state of Mrs. Peniston's nerves, with the +effects of her dinner not worn off, and her mind still tremulous +with new impressions, was a risk she deemed it her duty to avoid. +But there remained in her thoughts a settled deposit of +resentment against her niece, all the denser because it was not +to be cleared by explanation or discussion. It was horrible of a +young girl to let herself be talked about; however unfounded the +charges against her, she must be to blame for their +having been made. Mrs. Peniston felt as if there had been a +contagious illness in the house, and she was doomed to sit +shivering among her contaminated furniture. + + + +Chapter 12 + +Miss Bart had in fact been treading a devious way, and none of +her critics could have been more alive to the fact than herself; +but she had a fatalistic sense of being drawn from one wrong +turning to another, without ever perceiving the right road till +it was too late to take it. + +Lily, who considered herself above narrow prejudices, had not +imagined that the fact of letting Gus Trenor make a little money +for her would ever disturb her self-complacency. And the fact in +itself still seemed harmless enough; only it was a fertile source +of harmful complications. As she exhausted the amusement of +spending the money these complications became more pressing, and +Lily, whose mind could be severely logical in tracing the causes +of her ill-luck to others, justified herself by the thought that +she owed all her troubles to the enmity of Bertha Dorset. This +enmity, however, had apparently expired in a renewal of +friendliness between the two women. Lily's visit to the Dorsets +had resulted, for both, in the discovery that they could be of +use to each other; and the civilized instinct finds a subtler +pleasure in making use of its antagonist than in confounding him. +Mrs. Dorset was, in fact, engaged in a new sentimental +experiment, of which Mrs. Fisher's late property, Ned Silverton, +was the rosy victim; and at such moments, as Judy Trenor had once +remarked, she felt a peculiar need of distracting her husband's +attention. Dorset was as difficult to amuse as a savage; but even +his self-engrossment was not proof against Lily's arts, or rather +these were especially adapted to soothe an uneasy egoism. Her +experience with Percy Gryce stood her in good stead in +ministering to Dorset's humours, and if the incentive to please +was less urgent, the difficulties of her situation were teaching +her to make much of minor opportunities. + +Intimacy with the Dorsets was not likely to lessen such +difficulties on the material side. Mrs. Dorset had none of Judy +Trenor's lavish impulses, and Dorset's admiration was not likely +to express itself in financial "tips," even had Lily cared to +renew her experiences in that line. What she required, for the +moment, of the Dorsets' friendship, was simply its social +sanction. She knew that people were beginning to talk of her; but +this fact did not alarm her as it had alarmed Mrs. Peniston. In +her set such gossip was not unusual, and a handsome girl who +flirted with a married man was merely assumed to be pressing to +the limit of her opportunities. It was Trenor himself who +frightened her. Their walk in the Park had not been a success. +Trenor had married young, and since his marriage his intercourse +with women had not taken the form of the sentimental small-talk +which doubles upon itself like the paths in a maze. He was first +puzzled and then irritated to find himself always led back to the +same starting-point, and Lily felt that she was gradually losing +control of the situation. Trenor was in truth in an unmanageable +mood. In spite of his understanding with Rosedale he had been +somewhat heavily "touched" by the fall in stocks; his household +expenses weighed on him, and he seemed to be meeting, on all +sides, a sullen opposition to his wishes, instead of the easy +good luck he had hitherto encountered. + +Mrs. Trenor was still at Bellomont, keeping the town-house open, +and descending on it now and then for a taste of the world, but +preferring the recurrent excitement of week-end parties to the +restrictions of a dull season. Since the holidays she had not +urged Lily to return to Bellomont, and the first time they met in +town Lily fancied there was a shade of coldness in her manner. +Was it merely the expression of her displeasure at Miss Bart's +neglect, or had disquieting rumours reached her? The latter +contingency seemed improbable, yet Lily was not without a sense +of uneasiness. If her roaming sympathies had struck root +anywhere, it was in her friendship with Judy Trenor. She believed +in the sincerity of her friend's affection, though it sometimes +showed itself in self-interested ways, and she shrank with +peculiar reluctance from any risk of estranging it. But, aside +from this, she was keenly conscious of the way in which such an +estrangement would react on herself. The fact that Gus Trenor was +Judy's husband was at times Lily's strongest reason for disliking +him, and for resenting the obligation under which he had placed +her. To set her doubts at rest, Miss Bart, soon after the New +Year, "proposed" herself for a week-end at Bellomont. She had +learned in advance that the presence of a large party +would protect her from too great assiduity on Trenor's part, and +his wife's telegraphic "come by all means" seemed to assure her +of her usual welcome. + +Judy received her amicably. The cares of a large party always +prevailed over personal feelings, and Lily saw no change in her +hostess's manner. Nevertheless, she was soon aware that the +experiment of coming to Bellomont was destined not to be +successful. The party was made up of what Mrs. Trenor called +"poky people"--her generic name for persons who did not play +bridge--and, it being her habit to group all such obstructionists +in one class, she usually invited them together, regardless of +their other characteristics. The result was apt to be an +irreducible combination of persons having no other quality in +common than their abstinence from bridge, and the antagonisms +developed in a group lacking the one taste which might have +amalgamated them, were in this case aggravated by bad weather, +and by the ill-concealed boredom of their host and hostess. In +such emergencies, Judy would usually have turned to Lily to fuse +the discordant elements; and Miss Bart, assuming that such a +service was expected of her, threw herself into it with her +accustomed zeal. But at the outset she perceived a subtle +resistance to her efforts. If Mrs. Trenor's manner toward her was +unchanged, there was certainly a faint coldness in that of the +other ladies. An occasional caustic allusion to "your friends the +Wellington Brys," or to "the little Jew who has bought the +Greiner house--some one told us you knew him, Miss Bart,"--showed +Lily that she was in disfavour with that portion of society +which, while contributing least to its amusement, has assumed the +right to decide what forms that amusement shall take. The +indication was a slight one, and a year ago Lily would have +smiled at it, trusting to the charm of her personality to dispel +any prejudice against her. But now she had grown more sensitive +to criticism and less confident in her power of disarming it. She +knew, moreover, that if the ladies at Bellomont permitted +themselves to criticize her friends openly, it was a proof that +they were not afraid of subjecting her to the same treatment +behind her back. The nervous dread lest anything in Trenor's +manner should seem to justify their disapproval made her seek +every pretext for avoiding him, and she left Bellomont conscious +of having failed in every purpose which had taken her +there. + +In town she returned to preoccupations which, for the moment, had +the happy effect of banishing troublesome thoughts. The Welly +Brys, after much debate, and anxious counsel with their newly +acquired friends, had decided on the bold move of giving a +general entertainment. To attack society collectively, when one's +means of approach are limited to a few acquaintances, is like +advancing into a strange country with an insufficient number of +scouts; but such rash tactics have sometimes led to brilliant +victories, and the Brys had determined to put their fate to the +touch. Mrs. Fisher, to whom they had entrusted the conduct of the +affair, had decided that TABLEAUX VIVANTS and expensive music +were the two baits most likely to attract the desired prey, and +after prolonged negotiations, and the kind of wire-pulling in +which she was known to excel, she had induced a dozen fashionable +women to exhibit themselves in a series of pictures which, by a +farther miracle of persuasion, the distinguished portrait +painter, Paul Morpeth, had been prevailed upon to organize. + +Lily was in her element on such occasions. Under Morpeth's +guidance her vivid plastic sense, hitherto nurtured on no higher +food than dress-making and upholstery, found eager expression in +the disposal of draperies, the study of attitudes, the shifting +of lights and shadows. Her dramatic instinct was roused by the +choice of subjects, and the gorgeous reproductions of historic +dress stirred an imagination which only visual impressions could +reach. But keenest of all was the exhilaration of displaying her +own beauty under a new aspect: of showing that her loveliness was +no mere fixed quality, but an element shaping all emotions to +fresh forms of grace. + +Mrs. Fisher's measures had been well-taken, and society, +surprised in a dull moment, succumbed to the temptation of Mrs. +Bry's hospitality. The protesting minority were forgotten in the +throng which abjured and came; and the audience was almost as +brilliant as the show. + +Lawrence Selden was among those who had yielded to the proffered +inducements. If he did not often act on the accepted social axiom +that a man may go where he pleases, it was because he had +long since learned that his pleasures were mainly to be found in +a small group of the like-minded. But he enjoyed spectacular +effects, and was not insensible to the part money plays in their +production: all he asked was that the very rich should live up to +their calling as stage-managers, and not spend their money in a +dull way. This the Brys could certainly not be charged with +doing. Their recently built house, whatever it might lack as a +frame for domesticity, was almost as well-designed for the +display of a festal assemblage as one of those airy +pleasure-halls which the Italian architects improvised to set off +the hospitality of princes. The air of improvisation was in fact +strikingly present: so recent, so rapidly-evoked was the whole +MISE-EN-SCENE that one had to touch the marble columns to learn +they were not of cardboard, to seat one's self in one of the +damask-and-gold arm-chairs to be sure it was not painted against +the wall. + +Selden, who had put one of these seats to the test, found +himself, from an angle of the ball-room, surveying the scene with +frank enjoyment. The company, in obedience to the decorative +instinct which calls for fine clothes in fine surroundings, had +dressed rather with an eye to Mrs. Bry's background than to +herself. The seated throng, filling the immense room without +undue crowding, presented a surface of rich tissues and jewelled +shoulders in harmony with the festooned and gilded walls, and the +flushed splendours of the Venetian ceiling. At the farther end of +the room a stage had been constructed behind a proscenium arch +curtained with folds of old damask; but in the pause before the +parting of the folds there was little thought of what they might +reveal, for every woman who had accepted Mrs. Bry's invitation +was engaged in trying to find out how many of her friends had +done the same. + +Gerty Farish, seated next to Selden, was lost in that +indiscriminate and uncritical enjoyment so irritating to Miss +Bart's finer perceptions. It may be that Selden's nearness had +something to do with the quality of his cousin's pleasure; but +Miss Farish was so little accustomed to refer her enjoyment of +such scenes to her own share in them, that she was merely +conscious of a deeper sense of contentment. + +"Wasn't it dear of Lily to get me an invitation? Of course +it would never have occurred to Carry Fisher to put me on +the list, and I should have been so sorry to miss seeing it +all--and especially Lily herself. Some one told me the ceiling was +by Veronese--you would know, of course, Lawrence. I suppose it's +very beautiful, but his women are so dreadfully fat. Goddesses? +Well, I can only say that if they'd been mortals and had to wear +corsets, it would have been better for them. I think our women +are much handsomer. And this room is wonderfully becoming--every +one looks so well! Did you ever see such jewels? Do look at Mrs. +George Dorset's pearls--I suppose the smallest of them would pay +the rent of our Girls' Club for a year. Not that I ought to +complain about the club; every one has been so wonderfully kind. +Did I tell you that Lily had given us three hundred dollars? +Wasn't it splendid of her? And then she collected a lot of money +from her friends--Mrs. Bry gave us five hundred, and Mr. Rosedale +a thousand. I wish Lily were not so nice to Mr. Rosedale, but she +says it's no use being rude to him, because he doesn't see the +difference. She really can't bear to hurt people's feelings--it +makes me so angry when I hear her called cold and conceited! The +girls at the club don't call her that. Do you know she has been +there with me twice?--yes, Lily! And you should have seen their +eyes! One of them said it was as good as a day in the country +just to look at her. And she sat there, and laughed and talked +with them--not a bit as if she were being CHARITABLE, you know, +but as if she liked it as much as they did. They've been asking +ever since when she's coming back; and she's promised me---oh!" + +Miss Farish's confidences were cut short by the parting of the +curtain on the first TABLEAU--a group of nymphs dancing across +flower-strewn sward in the rhythmic postures of Botticelli's +Spring. TABLEAUX VIVANTS depend for their effect not only on the +happy disposal of lights and the delusive-interposition of layers +of gauze, but on a corresponding adjustment of the mental vision. +To unfurnished minds they remain, in spite of every enhancement +of art, only a superior kind of wax-works; but to the responsive +fancy they may give magic glimpses of the boundary world between +fact and imagination. Selden's mind was of this order: he could +yield to vision-making influences as completely as a child to the +spell of a fairy-tale. Mrs. Bry's TABLEAUX wanted none of +the qualities which go to the producing of such illusions, and +under Morpeth's organizing hand the pictures succeeded each other +with the rhythmic march of some splendid frieze, in which the +fugitive curves of living flesh and the wandering light of young +eyes have been subdued to plastic harmony without losing the +charm of life. + +The scenes were taken from old pictures, and the participators +had been cleverly fitted with characters suited to their types. +No one, for instance, could have made a more typical Goya than +Carry Fisher, with her short dark-skinned face, the exaggerated +glow of her eyes, the provocation of her frankly-painted smile. A +brilliant Miss Smedden from Brooklyn showed to perfection the +sumptuous curves of Titian's Daughter, lifting her gold salver +laden with grapes above the harmonizing gold of rippled hair and +rich brocade, and a young Mrs. Van Alstyne, who showed the +frailer Dutch type, with high blue-veined forehead and pale eyes +and lashes, made a characteristic Vandyck, in black satin, +against a curtained archway. Then there were Kauffmann nymphs +garlanding the altar of Love; a Veronese supper, all sheeny +textures, pearl-woven heads and marble architecture; and a +Watteau group of lute-playing comedians, lounging by a fountain +in a sunlit glade. + +Each evanescent picture touched the vision-building faculty in +Selden, leading him so far down the vistas of fancy that even +Gerty Farish's running commentary--"Oh, how lovely Lulu Melson +looks!" or: "That must be Kate Corby, to the right there, in +purple"--did not break the spell of the illusion. Indeed, so +skilfully had the personality of the actors been subdued to the +scenes they figured in that even the least imaginative of the +audience must have felt a thrill of contrast when the curtain +suddenly parted on a picture which was simply and undisguisedly +the portrait of Miss Bart. + +Here there could be no mistaking the predominance of +personality--the unanimous "Oh!" of the spectators was a tribute, +not to the brush-work of Reynolds's "Mrs. Lloyd" but to the flesh +and blood loveliness of Lily Bart. She had shown her artistic +intelligence in selecting a type so like her own that she could +embody the person represented without ceasing to be +herself. It was as though she had stepped, not out of, but into, +Reynolds's canvas, banishing the phantom of his dead beauty by +the beams of her living grace. The impulse to show herself in a +splendid setting--she had thought for a moment of representing +Tiepolo's Cleopatra--had yielded to the truer instinct of +trusting to her unassisted beauty, and she had purposely chosen a +picture without distracting accessories of dress or surroundings. +Her pale draperies, and the background of foliage against which +she stood, served only to relieve the long dryad-like curves that +swept upward from her poised foot to her lifted arm. The noble +buoyancy of her attitude, its suggestion of soaring grace, +revealed the touch of poetry in her beauty that Selden always +felt in her presence, yet lost the sense of when he was not with +her. Its expression was now so vivid that for the first time he +seemed to see before him the real Lily Bart, divested of the +trivialities of her little world, and catching for a moment a +note of that eternal harmony of which her beauty was a part. + +"Deuced bold thing to show herself in that get-up; but, gad, +there isn't a break in the lines anywhere, and I suppose she +wanted us to know it!" + +These words, uttered by that experienced connoisseur, Mr. Ned Van +Alstyne, whose scented white moustache had brushed Selden's +shoulder whenever the parting of the curtains presented any +exceptional opportunity for the study of the female outline, +affected their hearer in an unexpected way. It was not the first +time that Selden had heard Lily's beauty lightly remarked on, and +hitherto the tone of the comments had imperceptibly coloured his +view of her. But now it woke only a motion of indignant contempt. +This was the world she lived in, these were the standards by +which she was fated to be measured! Does one go to Caliban for a +judgment on Miranda? + +In the long moment before the curtain fell, he had time to feel +the whole tragedy of her life. It was as though her beauty, thus +detached from all that cheapened and vulgarized it, had held out +suppliant hands to him from the world in which he and she had +once met for a moment, and where he felt an overmastering longing +to be with her again. + +He was roused by the pressure of ecstatic fingers. "Wasn't she +too beautiful, Lawrence? Don't you like her best in that simple +dress? It makes her look like the real Lily--the Lily I know." + +He met Gerty Farish's brimming gaze. "The Lily we know," he +corrected; and his cousin, beaming at the implied understanding, +exclaimed joyfully: "I'll tell her that! She always says you +dislike her." + +The performance over, Selden's first impulse was to seek Miss +Bart. During the interlude of music which succeeded the TABLEAUX, +the actors had seated themselves here and there in the audience, +diversifying its conventional appearance by the varied +picturesqueness of their dress. Lily, however, was not among +them, and her absence served to protract the effect she had +produced on Selden: it would have broken the spell to see her too +soon in the surroundings from which accident had so happily +detached her. They had not met since the day of the Van Osburgh +wedding, and on his side the avoidance had been intentional. +Tonight, however, he knew that, sooner or later, he should find +himself at her side; and though he let the dispersing crowd drift +him whither it would, without making an immediate effort to reach +her, his procrastination was not due to any lingering resistance, +but to the desire to luxuriate a moment in the sense of complete +surrender. + +Lily had not an instant's doubt as to the meaning of the murmur +greeting her appearance. No other tableau had been received with +that precise note of approval: it had obviously been called forth +by herself, and not by the picture she impersonated. She had +feared at the last moment that she was risking too much in +dispensing with the advantages of a more sumptuous setting, and +the completeness of her triumph gave her an intoxicating sense of +recovered power. Not caring to diminish the impression she had +produced, she held herself aloof from the audience till the +movement of dispersal before supper, and thus had a second +opportunity of showing herself to advantage, as the throng poured +slowly into the empty drawing-room where she was standing. + +She was soon the centre of a group which increased and renewed +itself as the circulation became general, and the individual +comments on her success were a delightful prolongation of +the collective applause. At such moments she lost something of +her natural fastidiousness, and cared less for the quality of the +admiration received than for its quantity. Differences of +personality were merged in a warm atmosphere of praise, in which +her beauty expanded like a flower in sunlight; and if Selden had +approached a moment or two sooner he would have seen her turning +on Ned Van Alstyne and George Dorset the look he had dreamed of +capturing for himself. + +Fortune willed, however, that the hurried approach of Mrs. +Fisher, as whose aide-de-camp Van Alstyne was acting, should +break up the group before Selden reached the threshold of the +room. One or two of the men wandered off in search of their +partners for supper, and the others, noticing Selden's approach, +gave way to him in accordance with the tacit freemasonry of the +ball-room. Lily was therefore standing alone when he reached her; +and finding the expected look in her eye, he had the satisfaction +of supposing he had kindled it. The look did indeed deepen as it +rested on him, for even in that moment of self-intoxication Lily +felt the quicker beat of life that his nearness always produced. +She read, too, in his answering gaze the delicious confirmation +of her triumph, and for the moment it seemed to her that it was +for him only she cared to be beautiful. + +Selden had given her his arm without speaking. She took it in +silence, and they moved away, not toward the supper-room, but +against the tide which was setting thither. The faces about her +flowed by like the streaming images of sleep: she hardly noticed +where Selden was leading her, till they passed through a glass +doorway at the end of the long suite of rooms and stood suddenly +in the fragrant hush of a garden. Gravel grated beneath their +feet, and about them was the transparent dimness of a midsummer +night. Hanging lights made emerald caverns in the depths of +foliage, and whitened the spray of a fountain falling among +lilies. The magic place was deserted: there was no sound but the +splash of the water on the lily-pads, and a distant drift of +music that might have been blown across a sleeping lake. + +Selden and Lily stood still, accepting the unreality of the scene +as a part of their own dream-like sensations. It would not have +surprised them to feel a summer breeze on their faces, or +to see the lights among the boughs reduplicated in the arch of a +starry sky. The strange solitude about them was no stranger than +the sweetness of being alone in it together. At length Lily +withdrew her hand, and moved away a step, so that her white-robed +slimness was outlined against the dusk of the branches. Selden +followed her, and still without speaking they seated themselves +on a bench beside the fountain. + +Suddenly she raised her eyes with the beseeching earnestness of a +child. "You never speak to me--you think hard things of me," she +murmured. + +"I think of you at any rate, God knows!" he said. + +"Then why do we never see each other? Why can't we be friends? +You promised once to help me," she continued in the same tone, as +though the words were drawn from her unwillingly. + +"The only way I can help you is by loving you," Selden said in a +low voice. + +She made no reply, but her face turned to him with the soft +motion of a flower. His own met it slowly, and their lips +touched. She drew back and rose from her seat. Selden rose too, +and they stood facing each other. Suddenly she caught his hand +and pressed it a moment against her cheek. + +"Ah, love me, love me--but don't tell me so!" she sighed with her +eyes in his; and before he could speak she had turned and slipped +through the arch of boughs, disappearing in the brightness of the +room beyond. + +Selden stood where she had left him. He knew too well the +transiency of exquisite moments to attempt to follow her; but +presently he reentered the house and made his way through the +deserted rooms to the door. A few sumptuously-cloaked ladies were +already gathered in the marble vestibule, and in the coat-room he +found Van Alstyne and Gus Trenor. + +The former, at Selden's approach, paused in the careful selection +of a cigar from one of the silver boxes invitingly set out near +the door. + +"Hallo, Selden, going too? You're an Epicurean like myself, I +see: you don't want to see all those goddesses gobbling terrapin. +Gad, what a show of good-looking women; but not one of +'em could touch that little cousin of mine. Talk of +jewels--what's a woman want with jewels when she's got herself to +show? The trouble is that all these fal-bals they wear cover up +their figures when they've got 'em. I never knew till tonight +what an outline Lily has." + +"It's not her fault if everybody don't know it now," growled +Trenor, flushed with the struggle of getting into his fur-lined +coat. "Damned bad taste, I call it--no, no cigar for me. You +can't tell what you're smoking in one of these new houses--likely +as not the CHEF buys the cigars. Stay for supper? Not if I know +it! When people crowd their rooms so that you can't get near any +one you want to speak to, I'd as soon sup in the elevated at the +rush hour. My wife was dead right to stay away: she says life's +too short to spend it in breaking in new people." + + + +Chapter 13 + +Lily woke from happy dreams to find two notes at her bedside. + +One was from Mrs. Trenor, who announced that she was coming to +town that afternoon for a flying visit, and hoped Miss Bart would +be able to dine with her. The other was from Selden. He wrote +briefly that an important case called him to Albany, whence he +would be unable to return till the evening, and asked Lily to let +him know at what hour on the following day she would see him. + +Lily, leaning back among her pillows, gazed musingly at his +letter. The scene in the Brys' conservatory had been like a part +of her dreams; she had not expected to wake to such evidence of +its reality. Her first movement was one of annoyance: this +unforeseen act of Selden's added another complication to life. It +was so unlike him to yield to such an irrational impulse! Did he +really mean to ask her to marry him? She had once shown him the +impossibility of such a hope, and his subsequent behaviour seemed +to prove that he had accepted the situation with a reasonableness +somewhat mortifying to her vanity. It was all the more agreeable +to find that this reasonableness was maintained only at the cost +of not seeing her; but, though nothing in life was as sweet as +the sense of her power over him, she saw the danger of allowing +the episode of the previous night to have a sequel. Since she +could not marry him, it would be kinder to him, as well as easier +for herself, to write a line amicably evading his request to see +her: he was not the man to mistake such a hint, and when next +they met it would be on their usual friendly footing. + +Lily sprang out of bed, and went straight to her desk. She wanted +to write at once, while she could trust to the strength of her +resolve. She was still languid from her brief sleep and the +exhilaration of the evening, and the sight of Selden's writing +brought back the culminating moment of her triumph: the moment +when she had read in his eyes that no philosophy was proof +against her power. It would be pleasant to have that sensation +again . . . no one else could give it to her in its fulness; and +she could not bear to mar her mood of luxurious retrospection +by an act of definite refusal. She took up her pen and wrote hastily: +"TOMORROW AT FOUR;" murmuring to herself, as she slipped the sheet +into its envelope: "I can easily put him off when tomorrow comes." + + + +Judy Trenor's summons was very welcome to Lily. It was the first +time she had received a direct communication from Bellomont since +the close of her last visit there, and she was still visited by +the dread of having incurred Judy's displeasure. But this +characteristic command seemed to reestablish their former +relations; and Lily smiled at the thought that her friend had +probably summoned her in order to hear about the Brys' +entertainment. Mrs. Trenor had absented herself from the feast, +perhaps for the reason so frankly enunciated by her husband, +perhaps because, as Mrs. Fisher somewhat differently put it, she +"couldn't bear new people when she hadn't discovered them +herself." At any rate, though she remained haughtily at +Bellomont, Lily suspected in her a devouring eagerness to hear of +what she had missed, and to learn exactly in what measure Mrs. +Wellington Bry had surpassed all previous competitors for social +recognition. Lily was quite ready to gratify this curiosity, but +it happened that she was dining out. She determined, however, to +see Mrs. Trenor for a few moments, and ringing for her maid she +despatched a telegram to say that she would be with her friend +that evening at ten. + +She was dining with Mrs. Fisher, who had gathered at an informal +feast a few of the performers of the previous evening. There was +to be plantation music in the studio after dinner--for Mrs. Fisher, +despairing of the republic, had taken up modelling, and annexed to +her small crowded house a spacious apartment, which, whatever its +uses in her hours of plastic inspiration, served at other times +for the exercise of an indefatigable hospitality. Lily was +reluctant to leave, for the dinner was amusing, and she would have +liked to lounge over a cigarette and hear a few songs; but she +could not break her engagement with Judy, and shortly after ten +she asked her hostess to ring for a hansom, and drove up Fifth +Avenue to the Trenors'. + +She waited long enough on the doorstep to wonder that +Judy's presence in town was not signalized by a greater +promptness in admitting her; and her surprise was increased when, +instead of the expected footman, pushing his shoulders into a +tardy coat, a shabby care-taking person in calico let her into +the shrouded hall. Trenor, however, appeared at once on the +threshold of the drawing-room, welcoming her with unusual +volubility while he relieved her of her cloak and drew her into +the room. + +"Come along to the den; it's the only comfortable place in the +house. Doesn't this room look as if it was waiting for the body +to be brought down? Can't see why Judy keeps the house wrapped up +in this awful slippery white stuff--it's enough to give a fellow +pneumonia to walk through these rooms on a cold day. You look a +little pinched yourself, by the way: it's rather a sharp night +out. I noticed it walking up from the club. Come along, and I'll +give you a nip of brandy, and you can toast yourself over the +fire and try some of my new Egyptians--that little Turkish chap +at the Embassy put me on to a brand that I want you to try, and +if you like 'em I'll get out a lot for you: they don't have 'em +here yet, but I'll cable." + +He led her through the house to the large room at the back, where +Mrs. Trenor usually sat, and where, even in her absence, there +was an air of occupancy. Here, as usual, were flowers, +newspapers, a littered writing-table, and a general aspect of +lamp-lit familiarity, so that it was a surprise not to see Judy's +energetic figure start up from the arm-chair near the fire. + +It was apparently Trenor himself who had been occupying the seat +in question, for it was overhung by a cloud of cigar smoke, and +near it stood one of those intricate folding tables which British +ingenuity has devised to facilitate the circulation of tobacco +and spirits. The sight of such appliances in a drawing-room was +not unusual in Lily's set, where smoking and drinking were +unrestricted by considerations of time and place, and her first +movement was to help herself to one of the cigarettes recommended +by Trenor, while she checked his loquacity by asking, with a +surprised glance: "Where's Judy?" + +Trenor, a little heated by his unusual flow of words, and +perhaps by prolonged propinquity with the decanters, was bending +over the latter to decipher their silver labels. + +"Here, now, Lily, just a drop of cognac in a little fizzy +water--you do look pinched, you know: I swear the end of your +nose is red. I'll take another glass to keep you +company--Judy?--Why, you see, Judy's got a devil of a head +ache--quite knocked out with it, poor thing--she asked me to +explain--make it all right, you know--Do come up to the fire, +though; you look dead-beat, really. Now do let me make you +comfortable, there's a good girl." + +He had taken her hand, half-banteringly, and was drawing her +toward a low seat by the hearth; but she stopped and freed +herself quietly. + +"Do you mean to say that Judy's not well enough to see me? +Doesn't she want me to go upstairs?" + +Trenor drained the glass he had filled for himself, and paused to +set it down before he answered. + +"Why, no--the fact is, she's not up to seeing anybody. It came on +suddenly, you know, and she asked me to tell you how awfully +sorry she was--if she'd known where you were dining she'd have +sent you word." + +"She did know where I was dining; I mentioned it in my telegram. +But it doesn't matter, of course. I suppose if she's so poorly +she won't go back to Bellomont in the morning, and I can come and +see her then." + +"Yes: exactly--that's capital. I'll tell her you'll pop in +tomorrow morning. And now do sit down a minute, there's a dear, +and let's have a nice quiet jaw together. You won't take a drop, +just for sociability? Tell me what you think of that cigarette. +Why, don't you like it? What are you chucking it away for?" + +"I am chucking it away because I must go, if you'll have the +goodness to call a cab for me," Lily returned with a smile. + +She did not like Trenor's unusual excitability, with its too +evident explanation, and the thought of being alone with him, +with her friend out of reach upstairs, at the other end of the +great empty house, did not conduce to a desire to prolong their +TETE-A-TETE. + +But Trenor, with a promptness which did not escape her, had moved +between herself and the door. + +"Why must you go, I should like to know? If Judy'd been here +you'd have sat gossiping till all hours--and you can't even give +me five minutes! It's always the same story. Last night I +couldn't get near you--I went to that damned vulgar party just to +see you, and there was everybody talking about you, and asking me +if I'd ever seen anything so stunning, and when I tried to come +up and say a word, you never took any notice, but just went on +laughing and joking with a lot of asses who only wanted to be +able to swagger about afterward, and look knowing when you were +mentioned." + +He paused, flushed by his diatribe, and fixing on her a look in +which resentment was the ingredient she least disliked. But she +had regained her presence of mind, and stood composedly in the +middle of the room, while her slight smile seemed to put an ever +increasing distance between herself and Trenor. + +Across it she said: "Don't be absurd, Gus. It's past eleven, and +I must really ask you to ring for a cab." + +He remained immovable, with the lowering forehead she had grown +to detest. + +"And supposing I won't ring for one--what'll you do then?" + +"I shall go upstairs to Judy if you force me to disturb her." + +Trenor drew a step nearer and laid his hand on her arm. "Look +here, Lily: won't you give me five minutes of your own accord?" + +"Not tonight, Gus: you---" + +"Very good, then: I'll take 'em. And as many more as I want." He +had squared himself on the threshold, his hands thrust deep in +his pockets. He nodded toward the chair on the hearth. + +"Go and sit down there, please: I've got a word to say to you." + +Lily's quick temper was getting the better of her fears. She drew +herself up and moved toward the door. + +"If you have anything to say to me, you must say it another time. +I shall go up to Judy unless you call a cab for me at once." + +He burst into a laugh. "Go upstairs and welcome, my dear; but you +won't find Judy. She ain't there." + +Lily cast a startled look upon him. "Do you mean that Judy is not +in the house--not in town?" she exclaimed. + +"That's just what I do mean," returned Trenor, his bluster +sinking to sullenness under her look. + +"Nonsense--I don't believe you. I am going upstairs," she said +impatiently. + +He drew unexpectedly aside, letting her reach the threshold +unimpeded. + +"Go up and welcome; but my wife is at Bellomont." + +But Lily had a flash of reassurance. "If she hadn't come she +would have sent me word---" + +"She did; she telephoned me this afternoon to let you know." + +"I received no message." + +"I didn't send any." + +The two measured each other for a moment, but Lily still saw her +opponent through a blur of scorn that made all other +considerations indistinct. + +"I can't imagine your object in playing such a stupid trick on +me; but if you have fully gratified your peculiar sense of humour +I must again ask you to send for a cab." + +It was the wrong note, and she knew it as she spoke. To be stung +by irony it is not necessary to understand it, and the angry +streaks on Trenor's face might have been raised by an actual +lash. + +"Look here, Lily, don't take that high and mighty tone with me." +He had again moved toward the door, and in her instinctive +shrinking from him she let him regain command of the threshold. +"I DID play a trick on you; I own up to it; but if you think I'm +ashamed you're mistaken. Lord knows I've been patient +enough--I've hung round and looked like an ass. And all the while +you were letting a lot of other fellows make up to you . . . +letting 'em make fun of me, I daresay . . . I'm not sharp, and +can't dress my friends up to look funny, as you do . . . but I +can tell when it's being done to me . . . I can tell fast enough +when I'm made a fool of . . ." + +"Ah, I shouldn't have thought that!" flashed from Lily; but her +laugh dropped to silence under his look. + +"No; you wouldn't have thought it; but you'll know better +now. That's what you're here for tonight. I've been waiting for a +quiet time to talk things over, and now I've got it I mean to +make you hear me out." + +His first rush of inarticulate resentment had been followed by a +steadiness and concentration of tone more disconcerting to Lily +than the excitement preceding it. For a moment her presence of +mind forsook her. She had more than once been in situations where +a quick sword-play of wit had been needful to cover her retreat; +but her frightened heart-throbs told her that here such skill +would not avail. + +To gain time she repeated: "I don't understand what you want." + +Trenor had pushed a chair between herself and the door. He threw +himself in it, and leaned back, looking up at her. + +"I'll tell you what I want: I want to know just where you and I +stand. Hang it, the man who pays for the dinner is generally +allowed to have a seat at table." + +She flamed with anger and abasement, and the sickening need of +having to conciliate where she longed to humble. + +"I don't know what you mean--but you must see, Gus, that I can't +stay here talking to you at this hour---" + +"Gad, you go to men's houses fast enough in broad day +light--strikes me you're not always so deuced careful of +appearances." + +The brutality of the thrust gave her the sense of dizziness that +follows on a physical blow. Rosedale had spoken then--this was +the way men talked of her--She felt suddenly weak and +defenceless: there was a throb of self-pity in her throat. But +all the while another self was sharpening her to vigilance, +whispering the terrified warning that every word and gesture must +be measured. + +"If you have brought me here to say insulting things---" she +began. + +Trenor laughed. "Don't talk stage-rot. I don't want to insult +you. But a man's got his feelings--and you've played with mine +too long. I didn't begin this business--kept out of the way, and +left the track clear for the other chaps, till you rummaged me +out and set to work to make an ass of me--and an easy job you had +of it, too. That's the trouble--it was too easy for +you--you got reckless--thought you could turn me inside out, and +chuck me in the gutter like an empty purse. But, by gad, that +ain't playing fair: that's dodging the rules of the game. Of +course I know now what you wanted--it wasn't my beautiful eyes +you were after--but I tell you what, Miss Lily, you've got to pay +up for making me think so---" + +He rose, squaring his shoulders aggressively, and stepped toward +her with a reddening brow; but she held her footing, though every +nerve tore at her to retreat as he advanced. + +"Pay up?" she faltered. "Do you mean that I owe you money?" + +He laughed again. "Oh, I'm not asking for payment in kind. But +there's such a thing as fair play--and interest on one's +money--and hang me if I've had as much as a look from you---" + +"Your money? What have I to do with your money? You advised me +how to invest mine . . . you must have seen I knew nothing of +business . . . you told me it was all right---" + +"It WAS all right--it is, Lily: you're welcome to all of it, and +ten times more. I'm only asking for a word of thanks from you." +He was closer still, with a hand that grew formidable; and the +frightened self in her was dragging the other down. + +"I HAVE thanked you; I've shown I was grateful. What more have +you done than any friend might do, or any one accept from a +friend?" + +Trenor caught her up with a sneer. "I don't doubt you've accepted +as much before--and chucked the other chaps as you'd like to +chuck me. I don't care how you settled your score with them--if +you fooled 'em I'm that much to the good. Don't stare at me like +that--I know I'm not talking the way a man is supposed to talk to +a girl--but, hang it, if you don't like it you can stop me quick +enough--you know I'm mad about you--damn the money, there's +plenty more of it--if THAT bothers you . . . I was a brute, +Lily--Lily!--just look at me---" + +Over and over her the sea of humiliation broke--wave crashing on +wave so close that the moral shame was one with the physical +dread. It seemed to her that self-esteem would have made +her invulnerable--that it was her own dishonour which put a +fearful solitude about her. + +His touch was a shock to her drowning consciousness. She drew +back from him with a desperate assumption of scorn. + +"I've told you I don't understand--but if I owe you money you +shall be paid---" + +Trenor's face darkened to rage: her recoil of abhorrence had +called out the primitive man. + +"Ah--you'll borrow from Selden or Rosedale--and take your chances +of fooling them as you've fooled me! Unless--unless you've +settled your other scores already--and I'm the only one left out +in the cold!" + +She stood silent, frozen to her place. The words--the words were +worse than the touch! Her heart was beating all over her body--in +her throat, her limbs, her helpless useless hands. Her eyes +travelled despairingly about the room--they lit on the bell, and +she remembered that help was in call. Yes, but scandal with it--a +hideous mustering of tongues. No, she must fight her way out +alone. It was enough that the servants knew her to be in the +house with Trenor--there must be nothing to excite conjecture in +her way of leaving it. + +She raised her head, and achieved a last clear look at him. + +"I am here alone with you," she said. "What more have you to +say?" + +To her surprise, Trenor answered the look with a speechless +stare. With his last gust of words the flame had died out, +leaving him chill and humbled. It was as though a cold air had +dispersed the fumes of his libations, and the situation loomed +before him black and naked as the ruins of a fire. Old habits, +old restraints, the hand of inherited order, plucked back the +bewildered mind which passion had jolted from its ruts. Trenor's +eye had the haggard look of the sleep-walker waked on a deathly +ledge. + +"Go home! Go away from here"---he stammered, and turning his back +on her walked toward the hearth. + +The sharp release from her fears restored Lily to immediate +lucidity. The collapse of Trenor's will left her in control, and +she heard herself, in a voice that was her own yet outside +herself, bidding him ring for the servant, bidding him give the +order for a hansom, directing him to put her in it when +it came. Whence the strength came to her she knew not; but an +insistent voice warned her that she must leave the house openly, +and nerved her, in the hall before the hovering care taker, to +exchange light words with Trenor, and charge him with the usual +messages for Judy, while all the while she shook with inward +loathing. On the doorstep, with the street before her, she felt a +mad throb of liberation, intoxicating as the prisoner's first +draught of free air; but the clearness of brain continued, and +she noted the mute aspect of Fifth Avenue, guessed at the +lateness of the hour, and even observed a man's figure--was there +something half-familiar in its outline?--which, as she entered +the hansom, turned from the opposite corner and vanished in the +obscurity of the side street. + +But with the turn of the wheels reaction came, and shuddering +darkness closed on her. "I can't think--I can't think," she +moaned, and leaned her head against the rattling side of the cab. +She seemed a stranger to herself, or rather there were two selves +in her, the one she had always known, and a new abhorrent being +to which it found itself chained. She had once picked up, in a +house where she was staying, a translation of the EUMENIDES, and +her imagination had been seized by the high terror of the scene +where Orestes, in the cave of the oracle, finds his implacable +huntresses asleep, and snatches an hour's repose. Yes, the Furies +might sometimes sleep, but they were there, always there in the +dark corners, and now they were awake and the iron clang of their +wings was in her brain . . . She opened her eyes and saw the +streets passing--the familiar alien streets. All she looked on +was the same and yet changed. There was a great gulf fixed +between today and yesterday. Everything in the past seemed +simple, natural, full of daylight--and she was alone in a place +of darkness and pollution.--Alone! It was the loneliness that +frightened her. Her eyes fell on an illuminated clock at a street +corner, and she saw that the hands marked the half hour after +eleven. Only half-past eleven--there were hours and hours left of +the night! And she must spend them alone, shuddering sleepless on +her bed. Her soft nature recoiled from this ordeal, which had +none of the stimulus of conflict to goad her through it. Oh, the +slow cold drip of the minutes on her head! She had a +vision of herself lying on the black walnut bed--and the darkness +would frighten her, and if she left the light burning the dreary +details of the room would brand themselves forever on her brain. +She had always hated her room at Mrs. Peniston's--its ugliness, +its impersonality, the fact that nothing in it was really hers. +To a torn heart uncomforted by human nearness a room may open +almost human arms, and the being to whom no four walls mean more +than any others, is, at such hours, expatriate everywhere. + +Lily had no heart to lean on. Her relation with her aunt was as +superficial as that of chance lodgers who pass on the stairs. But +even had the two been in closer contact, it was impossible to +think of Mrs. Peniston's mind as offering shelter or +comprehension to such misery as Lily's. As the pain that can be +told is but half a pain, so the pity that questions has little +healing in its touch. What Lily craved was the darkness made by +enfolding arms, the silence which is not solitude, but compassion +holding its breath. + +She started up and looked forth on the passing streets. +Gerty!--they were nearing Gerty's corner. If only she could reach +there before this labouring anguish burst from her breast to her +lips--if only she could feel the hold of Gerty's arms while she +shook in the ague-fit of fear that was coming upon her! She +pushed up the door in the roof and called the address to the +driver. It was not so late--Gerty might still be waking. And even +if she were not, the sound of the bell would penetrate every +recess of her tiny apartment, and rouse her to answer her +friend's call. + + + +Chapter 14 + +Gerty Farish, the morning after the Wellington Brys' +entertainment, woke from dreams as happy as Lily's. If they were +less vivid in hue, more subdued to the half-tints of her +personality and her experience, they were for that very reason +better suited to her mental vision. Such flashes of joy as Lily +moved in would have blinded Miss Farish, who was accustomed, in +the way of happiness, to such scant light as shone through the +cracks of other people's lives. + +Now she was the centre of a little illumination of her own: a +mild but unmistakable beam, compounded of Lawrence Selden's +growing kindness to herself and the discovery that he extended +his liking to Lily Bart. If these two factors seem incompatible +to the student of feminine psychology, it must be remembered that +Gerty had always been a parasite in the moral order, living on +the crumbs of other tables, and content to look through the +window at the banquet spread for her friends. Now that she was +enjoying a little private feast of her own, it would have seemed +incredibly selfish not to lay a plate for a friend; and there was +no one with whom she would rather have shared her enjoyment than +Miss Bart. + +As to the nature of Selden's growing kindness, Gerty would no +more have dared to define it than she would have tried to learn a +butterfly's colours by knocking the dust from its wings. To seize +on the wonder would be to brush off its bloom, and perhaps see it +fade and stiffen in her hand: better the sense of beauty +palpitating out of reach, while she held her breath and watched +where it would alight. Yet Selden's manner at the Brys' had +brought the flutter of wings so close that they seemed to be +beating in her own heart. She had never seen him so alert, so +responsive, so attentive to what she had to say. His habitual +manner had an absent-minded kindliness which she accepted, and +was grateful for, as the liveliest sentiment her presence was +likely to inspire; but she was quick to feel in him a change +implying that for once she could give pleasure as well as receive +it. + +And it was so delightful that this higher degree of sympathy +should be reached through their interest in Lily Bart! + +Gerty's affection for her friend--a sentiment that had learned to +keep itself alive on the scantiest diet--had grown to active +adoration since Lily's restless curiosity had drawn her into the +circle of Miss Farish's work. Lily's taste of beneficence had +wakened in her a momentary appetite for well-doing. Her visit to +the Girls' Club had first brought her in contact with the +dramatic contrasts of life. She had always accepted with +philosophic calm the fact that such existences as hers were +pedestalled on foundations of obscure humanity. The dreary limbo +of dinginess lay all around and beneath that little illuminated +circle in which life reached its finest efflorescence, as the mud +and sleet of a winter night enclose a hot-house filled with +tropical flowers. All this was in the natural order of things, +and the orchid basking in its artificially created atmosphere +could round the delicate curves of its petals undisturbed by the +ice on the panes. + +But it is one thing to live comfortably with the abstract +conception of poverty, another to be brought in contact with its +human embodiments. Lily had never conceived of these victims of +fate otherwise than in the mass. That the mass was composed of +individual lives, innumerable separate centres of sensation, with +her own eager reachings for pleasure, her own fierce revulsions +from pain--that some of these bundles of feeling were clothed in +shapes not so unlike her own, with eyes meant to look on +gladness, and young lips shaped for love--this discovery gave +Lily one of those sudden shocks of pity that sometimes +decentralize a life. Lily's nature was incapable of such renewal: +she could feel other demands only through her own, and no pain +was long vivid which did not press on an answering nerve. But for +the moment she was drawn out of herself by the interest of her +direct relation with a world so unlike her own. She had +supplemented her first gift by personal assistance to one or two +of Miss Farish's most appealing subjects, and the admiration and +interest her presence excited among the tired workers at the club +ministered in a new form to her insatiable desire to please. + +Gerty Farish was not a close enough reader of character to +disentangle the mixed threads of which Lily's philanthropy was +woven. She supposed her beautiful friend to be actuated by the +same motive as herself--that sharpening of the moral +vision which makes all human suffering so near and insistent that +the other aspects of life fade into remoteness. Gerty lived by +such simple formulas that she did not hesitate to class her +friend's state with the emotional "change of heart" to which her +dealings with the poor had accustomed her; and she rejoiced in +the thought that she had been the humble instrument of this +renewal. Now she had an answer to all criticisms of Lily's +conduct: as she had said, she knew "the real Lily," and the +discovery that Selden shared her knowledge raised her placid +acceptance of life to a dazzled sense of its possibilities--a +sense farther enlarged, in the course of the afternoon, by the +receipt of a telegram from Selden asking if he might dine with +her that evening. + +While Gerty was lost in the happy bustle which this announcement +produced in her small household, Selden was at one with her in +thinking with intensity of Lily Bart. The case which had called +him to Albany was not complicated enough to absorb all his +attention, and he had the professional faculty of keeping a part +of his mind free when its services were not needed. This +part--which at the moment seemed dangerously like the whole--was +filled to the brim with the sensations of the previous evening. +Selden understood the symptoms: he recognized the fact that he +was paying up, as there had always been a chance of his having to +pay up, for the voluntary exclusions of his past. He had meant to +keep free from permanent ties, not from any poverty of feeling, +but because, in a different way, he was, as much as Lily, the +victim of his environment. There had been a germ of truth in his +declaration to Gerty Farish that he had never wanted to marry a +"nice" girl: the adjective connoting, in his cousin's vocabulary, +certain utilitarian qualities which are apt to preclude the +luxury of charm. Now it had been Selden's fate to have a charming +mother: her graceful portrait, all smiles and Cashmere, still +emitted a faded scent of the undefinable quality. His father was +the kind of man who delights in a charming woman: who quotes her, +stimulates her, and keeps her perennially charming. Neither one +of the couple cared for money, but their disdain of it took the +form of always spending a little more than was prudent. If their +house was shabby, it was exquisitely kept; if there were good +books on the shelves there were also good dishes on the +table. Selden senior had an eye for a picture, his wife an +understanding of old lace; and both were so conscious of +restraint and discrimination in buying that they never quite knew +how it was that the bills mounted up. + +Though many of Selden's friends would have called his parents +poor, he had grown up in an atmosphere where restricted means +were felt only as a check on aimless profusion: where the few +possessions were so good that their rarity gave them a merited +relief, and abstinence was combined with elegance in a way +exemplified by Mrs. Selden's knack of wearing her old velvet as +if it were new. A man has the advantage of being delivered early +from the home point of view, and before Selden left college he +had learned that there are as many different ways of going +without money as of spending it. Unfortunately, he found no way +as agreeable as that practised at home; and his views of +womankind in especial were tinged by the remembrance of the one +woman who had given him his sense of "values." It was from her +that he inherited his detachment from the sumptuary side of life: +the stoic's carelessness of material things, combined with the +Epicurean's pleasure in them. Life shorn of either feeling +appeared to him a diminished thing; and nowhere was the blending +of the two ingredients so essential as in the character of a +pretty woman. + +It had always seemed to Selden that experience offered a great +deal besides the sentimental adventure, yet he could vividly +conceive of a love which should broaden and deepen till it became +the central fact of life. What he could not accept, in his own +case, was the makeshift alternative of a relation that should be +less than this: that should leave some portions of his nature +unsatisfied, while it put an undue strain on others. He would +not, in other words, yield to the growth of an affection which +might appeal to pity yet leave the understanding untouched: +sympathy should no more delude him than a trick of the eyes, the +grace of helplessness than a curve of the cheek. + +But now--that little BUT passed like a sponge over all his vows. +His reasoned-out resistances seemed for the moment so much less +important than the question as to when Lily would receive his +note! He yielded himself to the charm of trivial +preoccupations, wondering at what hour her reply would be sent, +with what words it would begin. As to its import he had no +doubt--he was as sure of her surrender as of his own. And so he +had leisure to muse on all its exquisite details, as a hard +worker, on a holiday morning, might lie still and watch the beam +of light travel gradually across his room. But if the new light +dazzled, it did not blind him. He could still discern the outline +of facts, though his own relation to them had changed. He was no +less conscious than before of what was said of Lily Bart, but he +could separate the woman he knew from the vulgar estimate of her. +His mind turned to Gerty Farish's words, and the wisdom of the +world seemed a groping thing beside the insight of innocence. +BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART, FOR THEY SHALL SEE GOD--even the +hidden god in their neighbour's breast! Selden was in the state +of impassioned self-absorption that the first surrender to love +produces. His craving was for the companionship of one whose +point of view should justify his own, who should confirm, by +deliberate observation, the truth to which his intuitions had +leaped. He could not wait for the midday recess, but seized a +moment's leisure in court to scribble his telegram to Gerty +Farish. + +Reaching town, he was driven direct to his club, where he hoped a +note from Miss Bart might await him. But his box contained only a +line of rapturous assent from Gerty, and he was turning away +disappointed when he was hailed by a voice from the smoking room. + +"Hallo, Lawrence! Dining here? Take a bite with me--I've ordered a +canvas-back." + +He discovered Trenor, in his day clothes, sitting, with a tall +glass at his elbow, behind the folds of a sporting journal. + +Selden thanked him, but pleaded an engagement. + +"Hang it, I believe every man in town has an engagement tonight. +I shall have the club to myself. You know how I'm living this +winter, rattling round in that empty house. My wife meant to come +to town today, but she's put it off again, and how is a fellow to +dine alone in a room with the looking-glasses covered, and +nothing but a bottle of Harvey sauce on the side-board? I say, +Lawrence, chuck your engagement and take pity on me--it gives me +the blue devils to dine alone, and there's nobody but +that canting ass Wetherall in the club." + +"Sorry, Gus--I can't do it." + +As Selden turned away, he noticed the dark flush on Trenor's +face, the unpleasant moisture of his intensely white forehead, +the way his jewelled rings were wedged in the creases of his fat +red fingers. Certainly the beast was predominating--the beast at +the bottom of the glass. And he had heard this man's name coupled +with Lily's! Bah--the thought sickened him; all the way back to +his rooms he was haunted by the sight of Trenor's fat creased +hands--- + +On his table lay the note: Lily had sent it to his rooms. He knew +what was in it before he broke the seal--a grey seal with BEYOND! +beneath a flying ship. Ah, he would take her beyond--beyond the +ugliness, the pettiness, the attrition and corrosion of the +soul--- + + + +Gerty's little sitting-room sparkled with welcome when Selden +entered it. Its modest "effects," compact of enamel paint and +ingenuity, spoke to him in the language just then sweetest to his +ear. It is surprising how little narrow walls and a low ceiling +matter, when the roof of the soul has suddenly been raised. Gerty +sparkled too; or at least shone with a tempered radiance. He had +never before noticed that she had "points"--really, some good +fellow might do worse . . . Over the little dinner (and here, +again, the effects were wonderful) he told her she ought to +marry--he was in a mood to pair off the whole world. She had made +the caramel custard with her own hands? It was sinful to keep +such gifts to herself. He reflected with a throb of pride that +Lily could trim her own hats--she had told him so the day of +their walk at Bellomont. + +He did not speak of Lily till after dinner. During the little +repast he kept the talk on his hostess, who, fluttered at being +the centre of observation, shone as rosy as the candle-shades she +had manufactured for the occasion. Selden evinced an +extraordinary interest in her household arrangements: +complimented her on the ingenuity with which she had utilized +every inch of her small quarters, asked how her servant managed +about afternoons out, learned that one may improvise +delicious dinners in a chafing-dish, and uttered thoughtful +generalizations on the burden of a large establishment. + +When they were in the sitting-room again, where they fitted as +snugly as bits in a puzzle, and she had brewed the coffee, and +poured it into her grandmother's egg-shell cups, his eye, as he +leaned back, basking in the warm fragrance, lighted on a recent +photograph of Miss Bart, and the desired transition was effected +without an effort. The photograph was well enough--but to catch +her as she had looked last night! Gerty agreed with him--never +had she been so radiant. But could photography capture that +light? There had been a new look in her face--something +different; yes, Selden agreed there had been something different. +The coffee was so exquisite that he asked for a second cup: such +a contrast to the watery stuff at the club! Ah, your poor +bachelor with his impersonal club fare, alternating with the +equally impersonal CUISINE of the dinner-party! A man who lived +in lodgings missed the best part of life--he pictured the +flavourless solitude of Trenor's repast, and felt a moment's +compassion for the man . . . But to return to Lily--and again and +again he returned, questioning, conjecturing, leading Gerty on, +draining her inmost thoughts of their stored tenderness for her +friend. + +At first she poured herself out unstintingly, happy in this +perfect communion of their sympathies. His understanding of Lily +helped to confirm her own belief in her friend. They dwelt +together on the fact that Lily had had no chance. Gerty instanced +her generous impulses--her restlessness and discontent. The fact +that her life had never satisfied her proved that she was made +for better things. She might have married more than once--the +conventional rich marriage which she had been taught to consider +the sole end of existence--but when the opportunity came she had +always shrunk from it. Percy Gryce, for instance, had been in +love with her--every one at Bellomont had supposed them to be +engaged, and her dismissal of him was thought inexplicable. This +view of the Gryce incident chimed too well with Selden's mood not +to be instantly adopted by him, with a flash of retrospective +contempt for what had once seemed the obvious solution. If +rejection there had been--and he wondered now that he had +ever doubted it!--then he held the key to the secret, and the +hillsides of Bellomont were lit up, not with sunset, but with +dawn. It was he who had wavered and disowned the face of +opportunity--and the joy now warming his breast might have been a +familiar inmate if he had captured it in its first flight. + +It was at this point, perhaps, that a joy just trying its wings +in Gerty's heart dropped to earth and lay still. She sat facing +Selden, repeating mechanically: "No, she has never been +understood---" and all the while she herself seemed to be sitting +in the centre of a great glare of comprehension. The little +confidential room, where a moment ago their thoughts had touched +elbows like their chairs, grew to unfriendly vastness, separating +her from Selden by all the length of her new vision of the +future--and that future stretched out interminably, with her +lonely figure toiling down it, a mere speck on the solitude. + +"She is herself with a few people only; and you are one of them," +she heard Selden saying. And again: "Be good to her, Gerty, won't +you?" and: "She has it in her to become whatever she is believed +to be--you'll help her by believing the best of her?" + +The words beat on Gerty's brain like the sound of a language +which has seemed familiar at a distance, but on approaching is +found to be unintelligible. He had come to talk to her of +Lily--that was all! There had been a third at the feast she had +spread for him, and that third had taken her own place. She tried +to follow what he was saying, to cling to her own part in the +talk--but it was all as meaningless as the boom of waves in a +drowning head, and she felt, as the drowning may feel, that to +sink would be nothing beside the pain of struggling to keep up. + +Selden rose, and she drew a deep breath, feeling that soon she +could yield to the blessed waves. + +"Mrs. Fisher's? You say she was dining there? There's music +afterward; I believe I had a card from her." He glanced at the +foolish pink-faced clock that was drumming out this hideous +hour. "A quarter past ten? I might look in there now; the Fisher +evenings are amusing. I haven't kept you up too late, Gerty? You +look tired--I've rambled on and bored you." And in the +unwonted overflow of his feelings, he left a cousinly kiss upon +her cheek. + + + +At Mrs. Fisher's, through the cigar-smoke of the studio, a dozen +voices greeted Selden. A song was pending as he entered, and he +dropped into a seat near his hostess, his eyes roaming in search +of Miss Bart. But she was not there, and the discovery gave him a +pang out of all proportion to its seriousness; since the note in +his breast-pocket assured him that at four the next day they +would meet. To his impatience it seemed immeasurably long to +wait, and half-ashamed of the impulse, he leaned to Mrs. Fisher +to ask, as the music ceased, if Miss Bart had not dined with her. + +"Lily? She's just gone. She had to run off, I forget where. +Wasn't she wonderful last night?" + +"Who's that? Lily?" asked Jack Stepney, from the depths of a +neighbouring arm-chair. "Really, you know, I'm no prude, but when +it comes to a girl standing there as if she was up at auction--I +thought seriously of speaking to cousin Julia." + +"You didn't know Jack had become our social censor?" Mrs. Fisher +said to Selden with a laugh; and Stepney spluttered, amid the +general derision: "But she's a cousin, hang it, and when a man's +married--TOWN TALK was full of her this morning." + +"Yes: lively reading that was," said Mr. Ned Van Alstyne, +stroking his moustache to hide the smile behind it. "Buy the +dirty sheet? No, of course not; some fellow showed it to me--but +I'd heard the stories before. When a girl's as good-looking as +that she'd better marry; then no questions are asked. In our +imperfectly organized society there is no provision as yet for +the young woman who claims the privileges of marriage without +assuming its obligations." + +"Well, I understand Lily is about to assume them in the shape of +Mr. Rosedale," Mrs. Fisher said with a laugh. + +"Rosedale--good heavens!" exclaimed Van Alstyne, dropping his +eye-glass. "Stepney, that's your fault for foisting the brute on +us." + +"Oh, confound it, you know, we don't MARRY Rosedale in our +family," Stepney languidly protested; but his wife, who +sat in oppressive bridal finery at the other side of the room, +quelled him with the judicial reflection: "In Lily's +circumstances it's a mistake to have too high a standard." + +"I hear even Rosedale has been scared by the talk lately," Mrs. +Fisher rejoined; "but the sight of her last night sent him off +his head. What do you think he said to me after her TABLEAU? +'My God, Mrs. Fisher, if I could get Paul Morpeth to paint her +like that, the picture'd appreciate a hundred per cent in ten +years.'" + +"By Jove,--but isn't she about somewhere?" exclaimed Van Alstyne, +restoring his glass with an uneasy glance. + +"No; she ran off while you were all mixing the punch down stairs. +Where was she going, by the way? What's on tonight? I hadn't +heard of anything." + +"Oh, not a party, I think," said an inexperienced young Farish +who had arrived late. "I put her in her cab as I was coming in, +and she gave the driver the Trenors' address." + +"The Trenors'?" exclaimed Mrs. Jack Stepney. "Why, the house is +closed--Judy telephoned me from Bellomont this evening." + +"Did she? That's queer. I'm sure I'm not mistaken. Well, come +now, Trenor's there, anyhow--I--oh, well--the fact is, I've no +head for numbers," he broke off, admonished by the nudge of an +adjoining foot, and the smile that circled the room. + +In its unpleasant light Selden had risen and was shaking hands +with his hostess. The air of the place stifled him, and he +wondered why he had stayed in it so long. + +On the doorstep he stood still, remembering a phrase of Lily's: +"It seems to me you spend a good deal of time in the element you +disapprove of." + +Well--what had brought him there but the quest of her? It was her +element, not his. But he would lift her out of it, take her +beyond! That BEYOND! on her letter was like a cry for rescue. He +knew that Perseus's task is not done when he has loosed +Andromeda's chains, for her limbs are numb with bondage, and she +cannot rise and walk, but clings to him with dragging arms as he +beats back to land with his burden. Well, he had strength for +both--it was her weakness which had put the strength in him. It +was not, alas, a clean rush of waves they had to win +through, but a clogging morass of old associations and habits, +and for the moment its vapours were in his throat. But he would +see clearer, breathe freer in her presence: she was at once the +dead weight at his breast and the spar which should float them to +safety. He smiled at the whirl of metaphor with which he was +trying to build up a defence against the influences of the last +hour. It was pitiable that he, who knew the mixed motives on +which social judgments depend, should still feel himself so +swayed by them. How could he lift Lily to a freer vision of life, +if his own view of her was to be coloured by any mind in which he +saw her reflected? + +The moral oppression had produced a physical craving for air, and +he strode on, opening his lungs to the reverberating coldness of +the night. At the corner of Fifth Avenue Van Alstyne hailed him +with an offer of company. + +"Walking? A good thing to blow the smoke out of one's head. Now +that women have taken to tobacco we live in a bath of nicotine. +It would be a curious thing to study the effect of cigarettes on +the relation of the sexes. Smoke is almost as great a solvent as +divorce: both tend to obscure the moral issue." + +Nothing could have been less consonant with Selden's mood than +Van Alstyne's after-dinner aphorisms, but as long as the latter +confined himself to generalities his listener's nerves were in +control. Happily Van Alstyne prided himself on his summing up of +social aspects, and with Selden for audience was eager to show +the sureness of his touch. Mrs. Fisher lived in an East side +street near the Park, and as the two men walked down Fifth Avenue +the new architectural developments of that versatile thoroughfare +invited Van Alstyne's comment. + +"That Greiner house, now--a typical rung in the social ladder! +The man who built it came from a MILIEU where all the dishes are +put on the table at once. His facade is a complete architectural +meal; if he had omitted a style his friends might have thought +the money had given out. Not a bad purchase for Rosedale, though: +attracts attention, and awes the Western sight-seer. By and bye +he'll get out of that phase, and want something that the crowd +will pass and the few pause before. Especially if he marries my +clever cousin---" + +Selden dashed in with the query: "And the Wellington Brys'? +Rather clever of its kind, don't you think?" + +They were just beneath the wide white facade, with its rich +restraint of line, which suggested the clever corseting of a +redundant figure. + +"That's the next stage: the desire to imply that one has been to +Europe, and has a standard. I'm sure Mrs. Bry thinks her house a +copy of the TRIANON; in America every marble house with gilt +furniture is thought to be a copy of the TRIANON. What a clever +chap that architect is, though--how he takes his client's +measure! He has put the whole of Mrs. Bry in his use of the +composite order. Now for the Trenors, you remember, he chose the +Corinthian: exuberant, but based on the best precedent. The +Trenor house is one of his best things--doesn't look like a +banqueting-hall turned inside out. I hear Mrs. Trenor wants to +build out a new ball-room, and that divergence from Gus on that +point keeps her at Bellomont. The dimensions of the Brys' +ball-room must rankle: you may be sure she knows 'em as well as +if she'd been there last night with a yard-measure. Who said she +was in town, by the way? That Farish boy? She isn't, I know; Mrs. +Stepney was right; the house is dark, you see: I suppose Gus +lives in the back." + +He had halted opposite the Trenors' corner, and Selden perforce +stayed his steps also. The house loomed obscure and uninhabited; +only an oblong gleam above the door spoke of provisional +occupancy. + +"They've bought the house at the back: it gives them a hundred +and fifty feet in the side street. There's where the ball-room's +to be, with a gallery connecting it: billiard-room and so on +above. I suggested changing the entrance, and carrying the +drawing-room across the whole Fifth Avenue front; you see the +front door corresponds with the windows---" + +The walking-stick which Van Alstyne swung in demonstration +dropped to a startled "Hallo!" as the door opened and two figures +were seen silhouetted against the hall-light. At the same moment +a hansom halted at the curb-stone, and one of the figures floated +down to it in a haze of evening draperies; while the other, black +and bulky, remained persistently projected against the light. + +For an immeasurable second the two spectators of the incident +were silent; then the house-door closed, the hansom rolled off, +and the whole scene slipped by as if with the turn of a +stereopticon. + +Van Alstyne dropped his eye-glass with a low whistle. + +"A--hem--nothing of this, eh, Selden? As one of the family, I +know I may count on you--appearances are deceptive--and Fifth +Avenue is so imperfectly lighted---" + +"Goodnight," said Selden, turning sharply down the side street +without seeing the other's extended hand. + + + +Alone with her cousin's kiss, Gerty stared upon her thoughts. He +had kissed her before--but not with another woman on his lips. If +he had spared her that she could have drowned quietly, welcoming +the dark flood as it submerged her. But now the flood was shot +through with glory, and it was harder to drown at sunrise than in +darkness. Gerty hid her face from the light, but it pierced to +the crannies of her soul. She had been so contented, life had +seemed so simple and sufficient--why had he come to trouble her +with new hopes? And Lily--Lily, her best friend! Woman-like, she +accused the woman. Perhaps, had it not been for Lily, her fond +imagining might have become truth. Selden had always liked +her--had understood and sympathized with the modest independence +of her life. He, who had the reputation of weighing all things in +the nice balance of fastidious perceptions, had been uncritical +and simple in his view of her: his cleverness had never overawed +her because she had felt at home in his heart. And now she was +thrust out, and the door barred against her by Lily's hand! Lily, +for whose admission there she herself had pleaded! The situation +was lighted up by a dreary flash of irony. She knew Selden--she +saw how the force of her faith in Lily must have helped to dispel +his hesitations. She remembered, too, how Lily had talked of +him--she saw herself bringing the two together, making them known +to each other. On Selden's part, no doubt, the wound inflicted +was inconscient; he had never guessed her foolish secret; but +Lily--Lily must have known! When, in such matters, are a woman's +perceptions at fault? And if she knew, then she had deliberately +despoiled her friend, and in mere wantonness of power, +since, even to Gerty's suddenly flaming jealousy, it seemed +incredible that Lily should wish to be Selden's wife. Lily might +be incapable of marrying for money, but she was equally incapable +of living without it, and Selden's eager investigations into the +small economies of house-keeping made him appear to Gerty as +tragically duped as herself. + +She remained long in her sitting-room, where the embers were +crumbling to cold grey, and the lamp paled under its gay shade. +Just beneath it stood the photograph of Lily Bart, looking out +imperially on the cheap gimcracks, the cramped furniture of the +little room. Could Selden picture her in such an interior? Gerty +felt the poverty, the insignificance of her surroundings: she +beheld her life as it must appear to Lily. And the cruelty of +Lily's judgments smote upon her memory. She saw that she had +dressed her idol with attributes of her own making. When had Lily +ever really felt, or pitied, or understood? All she wanted was +the taste of new experiences: she seemed like some cruel creature +experimenting in a laboratory. + +The pink-faced clock drummed out another hour, and Gerty rose +with a start. She had an appointment early the next morning with +a district visitor on the East side. She put out her lamp, +covered the fire, and went into her bedroom to undress. In the +little glass above her dressing-table she saw her face reflected +against the shadows of the room, and tears blotted the +reflection. What right had she to dream the dreams of loveliness? +A dull face invited a dull fate. She cried quietly as she +undressed, laying aside her clothes with her habitual precision, +setting everything in order for the next day, when the old life +must be taken up as though there had been no break in its +routine. Her servant did not come till eight o'clock, and she +prepared her own tea-tray and placed it beside the bed. Then she +locked the door of the flat, extinguished her light and lay down. +But on her bed sleep would not come, and she lay face to face +with the fact that she hated Lily Bart. It closed with her in the +darkness like some formless evil to be blindly grappled with. +Reason, judgment, renunciation, all the sane daylight forces, +were beaten back in the sharp struggle for self-preservation. She +wanted happiness--wanted it as fiercely and unscrupulously as Lily +did, but without Lily's power of obtaining it. And in her conscious +impotence she lay shivering, and hated her friend--- + +A ring at the door-bell caught her to her feet. She struck a +light and stood startled, listening. For a moment her heart beat +incoherently, then she felt the sobering touch of fact, and +remembered that such calls were not unknown in her charitable +work. She flung on her dressing-gown to answer the summons, and +unlocking her door, confronted the shining vision of Lily Bart. + +Gerty's first movement was one of revulsion. She shrank back as +though Lily's presence flashed too sudden a light upon her +misery. Then she heard her name in a cry, had a glimpse of her +friend's face, and felt herself caught and clung to. + +"Lily--what is it?" she exclaimed. + +Miss Bart released her, and stood breathing brokenly, like one +who has gained shelter after a long flight. + +"I was so cold--I couldn't go home. Have you a fire?" + +Gerty's compassionate instincts, responding to the swift call of +habit, swept aside all her reluctances. Lily was simply some one +who needed help--for what reason, there was no time to pause and +conjecture: disciplined sympathy checked the wonder on Gerty's +lips, and made her draw her friend silently into the sitting-room +and seat her by the darkened hearth. + +"There is kindling wood here: the fire will burn in a minute." + +She knelt down, and the flame leapt under her rapid hands. It +flashed strangely through the tears which still blurred her eyes, +and smote on the white ruin of Lily's face. The girls looked at +each other in silence; then Lily repeated: "I couldn't go home." + +"No--no--you came here, dear! You're cold and tired--sit quiet, +and I'll make you some tea." + +Gerty had unconsciously adopted the soothing note of her trade: +all personal feeling was merged in the sense of ministry, and +experience had taught her that the bleeding must be stayed before +the wound is probed. + +Lily sat quiet, leaning to the fire: the clatter of cups behind +her soothed her as familiar noises hush a child whom silence has +kept wakeful. But when Gerty stood at her side with the tea she +pushed it away, and turned an estranged eye on the familiar room. + +"I came here because I couldn't bear to be alone," she said. + +Gerty set down the cup and knelt beside her. + +"Lily! Something has happened--can't you tell me?" + +"I couldn't bear to lie awake in my room till morning. I hate my +room at Aunt Julia's--so I came here---" + +She stirred suddenly, broke from her apathy, and clung to Gerty +in a fresh burst of fear. + +"Oh, Gerty, the furies . . . you know the noise of their +wings--alone, at night, in the dark? But you don't know--there is +nothing to make the dark dreadful to you---" + +The words, flashing back on Gerty's last hours, struck from her a +faint derisive murmur; but Lily, in the blaze of her own misery, +was blinded to everything outside it. + +"You'll let me stay? I shan't mind when daylight comes--Is it +late? Is the night nearly over? It must be awful to be +sleepless--everything stands by the bed and stares---" + +Miss Farish caught her straying hands. "Lily, look at me! +Something has happened--an accident? You have been +frightened--what has frightened you? Tell me if you can--a word +or two--so that I can help you." + +Lily shook her head. + +"I am not frightened: that's not the word. Can you imagine +looking into your glass some morning and seeing a +disfigurement--some hideous change that has come to you while you +slept? Well, I seem to myself like that--I can't bear to see +myself in my own thoughts--I hate ugliness, you know--I've always +turned from it--but I can't explain to you--you wouldn't +understand." + +She lifted her head and her eyes fell on the clock. + +"How long the night is! And I know I shan't sleep tomorrow. Some +one told me my father used to lie sleepless and think of horrors. +And he was not wicked, only unfortunate--and I see now how he +must have suffered, lying alone with his thoughts! But I am +bad--a bad girl--all my thoughts are bad--I have always had bad +people about me. Is that any excuse? I thought I could +manage my own life--I was proud--proud! but now I'm on their +level---" + +Sobs shook her, and she bowed to them like a tree in a dry storm. + +Gerty knelt beside her, waiting, with the patience born of +experience, till this gust of misery should loosen fresh speech. +She had first imagined some physical shock, some peril of the +crowded streets, since Lily was presumably on her way home from +Carry Fisher's; but she now saw that other nerve-centres were +smitten, and her mind trembled back from conjecture. + +Lily's sobs ceased, and she lifted her head. + +"There are bad girls in your slums. Tell me--do they ever pick +themselves up? Ever forget, and feel as they did before?" + +"Lily! you mustn't speak so--you're dreaming." + +"Don't they always go from bad to worse? There's no turning +back--your old self rejects you, and shuts you out." + +She rose, stretching her arms as if in utter physical weariness. +"Go to bed, dear! You work hard and get up early. I'll watch here +by the fire, and you'll leave the light, and your door open. All +I want is to feel that you are near me." She laid both hands on +Gerty's shoulders, with a smile that was like sunrise on a sea +strewn with wreckage. + +"I can't leave you, Lily. Come and lie on my bed. Your hands are +frozen--you must undress and be made warm." Gerty paused with +sudden compunction. "But Mrs. Peniston--it's past midnight! What +will she think?" + +"She goes to bed. I have a latch-key. It doesn't matter--I can't +go back there." + +"There's no need to: you shall stay here. But you must tell me +where you have been. Listen, Lily--it will help you to speak!" +She regained Miss Bart's hands, and pressed them against her. +"Try to tell me--it will clear your poor head. Listen--you were +dining at Carry Fisher's." Gerty paused and added with a flash of +heroism: "Lawrence Selden went from here to find you." + +At the word, Lily's face melted from locked anguish to the open +misery of a child. Her lips trembled and her gaze widened with +tears. + +"He went to find me? And I missed him! Oh, Gerty, he +tried to help me. He told me--he warned me long ago--he foresaw +that I should grow hateful to myself!" + +The name, as Gerty saw with a clutch at the heart, had loosened +the springs of self-pity in her friend's dry breast, and tear by +tear Lily poured out the measure of her anguish. She had dropped +sideways in Gerty's big arm-chair, her head buried where lately +Selden's had leaned, in a beauty of abandonment that drove home +to Gerty's aching senses the inevitableness of her own defeat. +Ah, it needed no deliberate purpose on Lily's part to rob her of +her dream! To look on that prone loveliness was to see in it a +natural force, to recognize that love and power belong to such as +Lily, as renunciation and service are the lot of those they +despoil. But if Selden's infatuation seemed a fatal necessity, +the effect that his name produced shook Gerty's steadfastness +with a last pang. Men pass through such superhuman loves and +outlive them: they are the probation subduing the heart to human +joys. How gladly Gerty would have welcomed the ministry of +healing: how willingly have soothed the sufferer back to +tolerance of life! But Lily's self-betrayal took this last hope +from her. The mortal maid on the shore is helpless against the +siren who loves her prey: such victims are floated back dead +from their adventure. + +Lily sprang up and caught her with strong hands. "Gerty, you know +him--you understand him--tell me; if I went to him, if I told +him everything--if I said: 'I am bad through and through--I want +admiration, I want excitement, I want money--' yes, MONEY! +That's my shame, Gerty--and it's known, it's said of me--it's +what men think of me--If I said it all to him--told him the +whole story--said plainly: 'I've sunk lower than the lowest, for +I've taken what they take, and not paid as they pay'--oh, Gerty, +you know him, you can speak for him: if I told him everything +would he loathe me? Or would he pity me, and understand me, and +save me from loathing myself?" + +Gerty stood cold and passive. She knew the hour of her probation +had come, and her poor heart beat wildly against its destiny. As +a dark river sweeps by under a lightning flash, she saw her +chance of happiness surge past under a flash of temptation. What +prevented her from saying: "He is like other men?" She +was not so sure of him, after all! But to do so would have been +like blaspheming her love. She could not put him before herself +in any light but the noblest: she must trust him to the height of +her own passion. + +"Yes: I know him; he will help you," she said; and in a moment +Lily's passion was weeping itself out against her breast. + +There was but one bed in the little flat, and the two girls lay +down on it side by side when Gerty had unlaced Lily's dress and +persuaded her to put her lips to the warm tea. The light +extinguished, they lay still in the darkness, Gerty shrinking to +the outer edge of the narrow couch to avoid contact with her +bed-fellow. Knowing that Lily disliked to be caressed, she had +long ago learned to check her demonstrative impulses toward her +friend. But tonight every fibre in her body shrank from Lily's +nearness: it was torture to listen to her breathing, and feel the +sheet stir with it. As Lily turned, and settled to completer +rest, a strand of her hair swept Gerty's cheek with its +fragrance. Everything about her was warm and soft and scented: +even the stains of her grief became her as rain-drops do the +beaten rose. But as Gerty lay with arms drawn down her side, in +the motionless narrowness of an effigy, she felt a stir of sobs +from the breathing warmth beside her, and Lily flung out her +hand, groped for her friend's, and held it fast. + +"Hold me, Gerty, hold me, or I shall think of things," she +moaned; and Gerty silently slipped an arm under her, pillowing +her head in its hollow as a mother makes a nest for a tossing +child. In the warm hollow Lily lay still and her breathing grew +low and regular. Her hand still dung to Gerty's as if to ward off +evil dreams, but the hold of her fingers relaxed, her head sank +deeper into its shelter, and Gerty felt that she slept. + + + +Chapter 15 + +When lily woke she had the bed to herself, and the winter light +was in the room. + +She sat up, bewildered by the strangeness of her surroundings; +then memory returned, and she looked about her with a shiver. In +the cold slant of light reflected from the back wall of a +neighbouring building, she saw her evening dress and opera cloak +lying in a tawdry heap on a chair. Finery laid off is as +unappetizing as the remains of a feast, and it occurred to Lily +that, at home, her maid's vigilance had always spared her the +sight of such incongruities. Her body ached with fatigue, and +with the constriction of her attitude in Gerty's bed. All through +her troubled sleep she had been conscious of having no space to +toss in, and the long effort to remain motionless made her feel +as if she had spent her night in a train. + +This sense of physical discomfort was the first to assert itself; +then she perceived, beneath it, a corresponding mental +prostration, a languor of horror more insufferable than the first +rush of her disgust. The thought of having to wake every morning +with this weight on her breast roused her tired mind to fresh +effort. She must find some way out of the slough into which she +had stumbled: it was not so much compunction as the dread of her +morning thoughts that pressed on her the need of action. But she +was unutterably tired; it was weariness to think connectedly. She +lay back, looking about the poor slit of a room with a renewal of +physical distaste. The outer air, penned between high buildings, +brought no freshness through the window; steam-heat was beginning +to sing in a coil of dingy pipes, and a smell of cooking +penetrated the crack of the door. + +The door opened, and Gerty, dressed and hatted, entered with a +cup of tea. Her face looked sallow and swollen in the dreary +light, and her dull hair shaded imperceptibly into the tones of +her skin. + +She glanced shyly at Lily, asking in an embarrassed tone how she +felt; Lily answered with the same constraint, and raised herself +up to drink the tea. + +"I must have been over-tired last night; I think I had a +nervous attack in the carriage," she said, as the drink brought +clearness to her sluggish thoughts. + +"You were not well; I am so glad you came here," Gerty returned. + +"But how am I to get home? And Aunt Julia--?" + +"She knows; I telephoned early, and your maid has brought your +things. But won't you eat something? I scrambled the eggs +myself." + +Lily could not eat; but the tea strengthened her to rise and +dress under her maid's searching gaze. It was a relief to her +that Gerty was obliged to hasten away: the two kissed silently, +but without a trace of the previous night's emotion. + +Lily found Mrs. Peniston in a state of agitation. She had sent +for Grace Stepney and was taking digitalis. Lily breasted the +storm of enquiries as best she could, explaining that she had had +an attack of faintness on her way back from Carry Fisher's; that, +fearing she would not have strength to reach home, she had gone +to Miss Farish's instead; but that a quiet night had restored +her, and that she had no need of a doctor. + +This was a relief to Mrs. Peniston, who could give herself up to +her own symptoms, and Lily was advised to go and lie down, her +aunt's panacea for all physical and moral disorders. In the +solitude of her own room she was brought back to a sharp +contemplation of facts. Her daylight view of them necessarily +differed from the cloudy vision of the night. The winged furies +were now prowling gossips who dropped in on each other for tea. +But her fears seemed the uglier, thus shorn of their vagueness; +and besides, she had to act, not rave. For the first time she +forced herself to reckon up the exact amount of her debt to +Trenor; and the result of this hateful computation was the +discovery that she had, in all, received nine thousand dollars +from him. The flimsy pretext on which it had been given and +received shrivelled up in the blaze of her shame: she knew that +not a penny of it was her own, and that to restore her +self-respect she must at once repay the whole amount. The +inability thus to solace her outraged feelings gave her a +paralyzing sense of insignificance. She was realizing for the +first time that a woman's dignity may cost more to keep up than +her carriage; and that the maintenance of a moral +attribute should be dependent on dollars and cents, made the +world appear a more sordid place than she had conceived it. + +After luncheon, when Grace Stepney's prying eyes had been +removed, Lily asked for a word with her aunt. The two ladies went +upstairs to the sitting-room, where Mrs. Peniston seated herself +in her black satin arm-chair tufted with yellow buttons, beside a +bead-work table bearing a bronze box with a miniature of Beatrice +Cenci in the lid. Lily felt for these objects the same distaste +which the prisoner may entertain for the fittings of the +court-room. It was here that her aunt received her rare +confidences, and the pink-eyed smirk of the turbaned Beatrice was +associated in her mind with the gradual fading of the smile from +Mrs. Peniston's lips. That lady's dread of a scene gave her an +inexorableness which the greatest strength of character could not +have produced, since it was independent of all considerations of +right or wrong; and knowing this, Lily seldom ventured to assail +it. She had never felt less like making the attempt than on the +present occasion; but she had sought in vain for any other means +of escape from an intolerable situation. + +Mrs. Peniston examined her critically. "You're a bad colour, +Lily: this incessant rushing about is beginning to tell on you," +she said. + +Miss Bart saw an opening. "I don't think it's that, Aunt Julia; +I've had worries," she replied. + +"Ah," said Mrs. Peniston, shutting her lips with the snap of a +purse closing against a beggar. + +"I'm sorry to bother you with them," Lily continued, "but I +really believe my faintness last night was brought on partly by +anxious thoughts--" + +"I should have said Carry Fisher's cook was enough to account for +it. She has a woman who was with Maria Melson in 1891--the spring +of the year we went to Aix--and I remember dining there two days +before we sailed, and feeling SURE the coppers hadn't been +scoured." + +"I don't think I ate much; I can't eat or sleep." Lily paused, +and then said abruptly: "The fact is, Aunt Julia, I owe some +money." + +Mrs. Peniston's face clouded perceptibly, but did not +express the astonishment her niece had expected. She was silent, +and Lily was forced to continue: "I have been foolish---" + +"No doubt you have: extremely foolish," Mrs. Peniston interposed. +"I fail to see how any one with your income, and no expenses--not +to mention the handsome presents I've always given you---" + +"Oh, you've been most generous, Aunt Julia; I shall never forget +your kindness. But perhaps you don't quite realize the expense a +girl is put to nowadays---" + +"I don't realize that YOU are put to any expense except for your +clothes and your railway fares. I expect you to be handsomely +dressed; but I paid Celeste's bill for you last October." + +Lily hesitated: her aunt's implacable memory had never been more +inconvenient. "You were as kind as possible; but I have had to +get a few things since---" + +"What kind of things? Clothes? How much have you spent? Let me +see the bill--I daresay the woman is swindling you." + +"Oh, no, I think not: clothes have grown so frightfully +expensive; and one needs so many different kinds, with country +visits, and golf and skating, and Aiken and Tuxedo---" + +"Let me see the bill," Mrs. Peniston repeated. + +Lily hesitated again. In the first place, Mme. Celeste had not +yet sent in her account, and secondly, the amount it represented +was only a fraction of the sum that Lily needed. + +"She hasn't sent in the bill for my winter things, but I KNOW +it's large; and there are one or two other things; I've been +careless and imprudent--I'm frightened to think of what I owe---" + +She raised the troubled loveliness of her face to Mrs. Peniston, +vainly hoping that a sight so moving to the other sex might not +be without effect upon her own. But the effect produced was that +of making Mrs. Peniston shrink back apprehensively. + +"Really, Lily, you are old enough to manage your own affairs, and +after frightening me to death by your performance of last night +you might at least choose a better time to worry me with such +matters." Mrs. Peniston glanced at the clock, and swallowed a +tablet of digitalis. "If you owe Celeste another +thousand, she may send me her account," she added, as though to +end the discussion at any cost. + +"I am very sorry, Aunt Julia; I hate to trouble you at such a +time; but I have really no choice--I ought to have spoken +sooner--I owe a great deal more than a thousand dollars." + +"A great deal more? Do you owe two? She must have robbed you!" + +"I told you it was not only Celeste. I--there are other +bills--more pressing--that must be settled." + +"What on earth have you been buying? Jewelry? You must have gone +off your head," said Mrs. Peniston with asperity. "But if you +have run into debt, you must suffer the consequences, and put +aside your monthly income till your bills are paid. If you stay +quietly here until next spring, instead of racing about all over +the country, you will have no expenses at all, and surely in four +or five months you can settle the rest of your bills if I pay the +dress-maker now." + +Lily was again silent. She knew she could not hope to extract +even a thousand dollars from Mrs. Peniston on the mere plea of +paying Celeste's bill: Mrs. Peniston would expect to go over the +dress-maker's account, and would make out the cheque to her and +not to Lily. And yet the money must be obtained before the day +was over! + +"The debts I speak of are--different--not like tradesmen's +bills," she began confusedly; but Mrs. Peniston's look made her +almost afraid to continue. Could it be that her aunt suspected +anything? The idea precipitated Lily's avowal. + +"The fact is, I've played cards a good deal--bridge; the women +all do it; girls too--it's expected. Sometimes I've won--won a +good deal--but lately I've been unlucky--and of course such debts +can't be paid off gradually---" + +She paused: Mrs. Peniston's face seemed to be petrifying as she +listened. + +"Cards--you've played cards for money? It's true, then: when I +was told so I wouldn't believe it. I won't ask if the other +horrors I was told were true too; I've heard enough for the state +of my nerves. When I think of the example you've had in this +house! But I suppose it's your foreign bringing-up--no one knew +where your mother picked up her friends. And her Sundays were a +scandal--that I know." + +Mrs. Peniston wheeled round suddenly. "You play cards on Sunday?" + +Lily flushed with the recollection of certain rainy Sundays at +Bellomont and with the Dorsets. + +"You're hard on me, Aunt Julia: I have never really cared for +cards, but a girl hates to be thought priggish and superior, and +one drifts into doing what the others do. I've had a dreadful +lesson, and if you'll help me out this time I promise you--" + +Mrs. Peniston raised her hand warningly. "You needn't make any +promises: it's unnecessary. When I offered you a home I didn't +undertake to pay your gambling debts." + +"Aunt Julia! You don't mean that you won't help me?" + +"I shall certainly not do anything to give the impression that I +countenance your behaviour. If you really owe your dress-maker, I +will settle with her--beyond that I recognize no obligation to +assume your debts." + +Lily had risen, and stood pale and quivering before her aunt. +Pride stormed in her, but humiliation forced the cry from her +lips: "Aunt Julia, I shall be disgraced--I--" But she could go no +farther. If her aunt turned such a stony ear to the fiction of +the gambling debts, in what spirit would she receive the terrible +avowal of the truth? + +"I consider that you ARE disgraced, Lily: disgraced by your +conduct far more than by its results. You say your friends have +persuaded you to play cards with them; well, they may as well +learn a lesson too. They can probably afford to lose a little +money--and at any rate, I am not going to waste any of mine in +paying them. And now I must ask you to leave me--this scene has +been extremely painful, and I have my own health to consider. +Draw down the blinds, please; and tell Jennings I will see no one +this afternoon but Grace Stepney." + +Lily went up to her own room and bolted the door. She was +trembling with fear and anger--the rush of the furies' wings was +in her ears. She walked up and down the room with blind irregular +steps. The last door of escape was closed--she felt herself shut +in with her dishonour. + +Suddenly her wild pacing brought her before the clock on the +chimney-piece. Its hands stood at half-past three, and she +remembered that Selden was to come to her at four. She had +meant to put him off with a word--but now her heart leaped at the +thought of seeing him. Was there not a promise of rescue in his +love? As she had lain at Gerty's side the night before, she had +thought of his coming, and of the sweetness of weeping out her +pain upon his breast. Of course she had meant to clear herself of +its consequences before she met him--she had never really doubted +that Mrs. Peniston would come to her aid. And she had felt, even +in the full storm of her misery, that Selden's love could not be +her ultimate refuge; only it would be so sweet to take a moment's +shelter there, while she gathered fresh strength to go on. + +But now his love was her only hope, and as she sat alone with her +wretchedness the thought of confiding in him became as seductive +as the river's flow to the suicide. The first plunge would be +terrible--but afterward, what blessedness might come! She +remembered Gerty's words: "I know him--he will help you"; and her +mind clung to them as a sick person might cling to a healing +relic. Oh, if he really understood--if he would help her to +gather up her broken life, and put it together in some new +semblance in which no trace of the past should remain! He had +always made her feel that she was worthy of better things, and +she had never been in greater need of such solace. Once and again +she shrank at the thought of imperilling his love by her +confession: for love was what she needed--it would take the glow +of passion to weld together the shattered fragments of her +self-esteem. But she recurred to Gerty's words and held fast to +them. She was sure that Gerty knew Selden's feeling for her, and +it had never dawned upon her blindness that Gerty's own judgment +of him was coloured by emotions far more ardent than her own. + +Four o'clock found her in the drawing-room: she was sure that +Selden would be punctual. But the hour came and passed--it moved +on feverishly, measured by her impatient heart-beats. She had +time to take a fresh survey of her wretchedness, and to fluctuate +anew between the impulse to confide in Selden and the dread of +destroying his illusions. But as the minutes passed the need of +throwing herself on his comprehension became more urgent: she +could not bear the weight of her misery alone. There would be a +perilous moment, perhaps: but could she not trust to her +beauty to bridge it over, to land her safe in the shelter of his +devotion? + +But the hour sped on and Selden did not come. Doubtless he had +been detained, or had misread her hurriedly scrawled note, taking +the four for a five. The ringing of the door-bell a few minutes +after five confirmed this supposition, and made Lily hastily +resolve to write more legibly in future. The sound of steps in +the hall, and of the butler's voice preceding them, poured fresh +energy into her veins. She felt herself once more the alert and +competent moulder of emergencies, and the remembrance of her +power over Selden flushed her with sudden confidence. But when +the drawing-room door opened it was Rosedale who came in. + +The reaction caused her a sharp pang, but after a passing +movement of irritation at the clumsiness of fate, and at her own +carelessness in not denying the door to all but Selden, she +controlled herself and greeted Rosedale amicably. It was annoying +that Selden, when he came, should find that particular visitor in +possession, but Lily was mistress of the art of ridding herself +of superfluous company, and to her present mood Rosedale seemed +distinctly negligible. + +His own view of the situation forced itself upon her after a few +moments' conversation. She had caught at the Brys' entertainment +as an easy impersonal subject, likely to tide them over the +interval till Selden appeared, but Mr. Rosedale, tenaciously +planted beside the tea-table, his hands in his pockets, his legs +a little too freely extended, at once gave the topic a personal +turn. + +"Pretty well done--well, yes, I suppose it was: Welly Bry's got +his back up and don't mean to let go till he's got the hang of +the thing. Of course, there were things here and there--things +Mrs. Fisher couldn't be expected to see to--the champagne wasn't +cold, and the coats got mixed in the coat-room. I would have +spent more money on the music. But that's my character: if I want +a thing I'm willing to pay: I don't go up to the counter, and +then wonder if the article's worth the price. I wouldn't be +satisfied to entertain like the Welly Brys; I'd want something +that would look more easy and natural, more as if I took it in my +stride. And it takes just two things to do that, Miss +Bart: money, and the right woman to spend it." + +He paused, and examined her attentively while she affected to +rearrange the tea-cups. + +"I've got the money," he continued, clearing his throat, "and +what I want is the woman--and I mean to have her too." + +He leaned forward a little, resting his hands on the head of his +walking-stick. He had seen men of Ned Van Alstyne's type bring +their hats and sticks into a drawing-room, and he thought it +added a touch of elegant familiarity to their appearance. + +Lily was silent, smiling faintly, with her eyes absently resting +on his face. She was in reality reflecting that a declaration +would take some time to make, and that Selden must surely appear +before the moment of refusal had been reached. Her brooding look, +as of a mind withdrawn yet not averted, seemed to Mr. Rosedale +full of a subtle encouragement. He would not have liked any +evidence of eagerness. + +"I mean to have her too," he repeated, with a laugh intended to +strengthen his self-assurance. "I generally HAVE got what I +wanted in life, Miss Bart. I wanted money, and I've got more than +I know how to invest; and now the money doesn't seem to be of any +account unless I can spend it on the right woman. That's what I +want to do with it: I want my wife to make all the other women +feel small. I'd never grudge a dollar that was spent on that. But +it isn't every woman can do it, no matter how much you spend on +her. There was a girl in some history book who wanted gold +shields, or something, and the fellows threw 'em at her, and she +was crushed under 'em: they killed her. Well, that's true enough: +some women looked buried under their jewelry. What I want is a +woman who'll hold her head higher the more diamonds I put on it. +And when I looked at you the other night at the Brys', in that +plain white dress, looking as if you had a crown on, I said to +myself: 'By gad, if she had one she'd wear it as if it grew on +her.'" + +Still Lily did not speak, and he continued, warming with his +theme: "Tell you what it is, though, that kind of woman costs +more than all the rest of 'em put together. If a woman's +going to ignore her pearls, they want to be better than anybody +else's--and so it is with everything else. You know what I +mean--you know it's only the showy things that are cheap. Well, I +should want my wife to be able to take the earth for granted if +she wanted to. I know there's one thing vulgar about money, and +that's the thinking about it; and my wife would never have to +demean herself in that way." He paused, and then added, with an +unfortunate lapse to an earlier manner: "I guess you know the +lady I've got in view, Miss Bart." + +Lily raised her head, brightening a little under the challenge. +Even through the dark tumult of her thoughts, the clink of Mr. +Rosedale's millions had a faintly seductive note. Oh, for enough +of them to cancel her one miserable debt! But the man behind them +grew increasingly repugnant in the light of Selden's expected +coming. The contrast was too grotesque: she could scarcely +suppress the smile it provoked. She decided that directness would +be best. + +"If you mean me, Mr. Rosedale, I am very grateful--very much +flattered; but I don't know what I have ever done to make you +think--" + +"Oh, if you mean you're not dead in love with me, I've got sense +enough left to see that. And I ain't talking to you as if you +were--I presume I know the kind of talk that's expected under +those circumstances. I'm confoundedly gone on you--that's about +the size of it--and I'm just giving you a plain business +statement of the consequences. You're not very fond of +me--YET--but you're fond of luxury, and style, and amusement, and +of not having to worry about cash. You like to have a good time, +and not have to settle for it; and what I propose to do is to +provide for the good time and do the settling." + +He paused, and she returned with a chilling smile: "You are +mistaken in one point, Mr. Rosedale: whatever I enjoy I am +prepared to settle for." + +She spoke with the intention of making him see that, if his words +implied a tentative allusion to her private affairs, she was +prepared to meet and repudiate it. But if he recognized her +meaning it failed to abash him, and he went on in the same tone: +"I didn't mean to give offence; excuse me if I've spoken too +plainly. But why ain't you straight with me--why do you +put up that kind of bluff? You know there've been times when you +were bothered--damned bothered--and as a girl gets older, and +things keep moving along, why, before she knows it, the things +she wants are liable to move past her and not come back. I don't +say it's anywhere near that with you yet; but you've had a taste +of bothers that a girl like yourself ought never to have known +about, and what I'm offering you is the chance to turn your back +on them once for all." + +The colour burned in Lily's face as he ended; there was no +mistaking the point he meant to make, and to permit it to pass +unheeded was a fatal confession of weakness, while to resent it +too openly was to risk offending him at a perilous moment. +Indignation quivered on her lip; but it was quelled by the secret +voice which warned her that she must not quarrel with him. He +knew too much about her, and even at the moment when it was +essential that he should show himself at his best, he did not +scruple to let her see how much he knew. How then would he use +his power when her expression of contempt had dispelled his one +motive for restraint? Her whole future might hinge on her way +of answering him: she had to stop and consider that, in the +stress of her other anxieties, as a breathless fugitive may have +to pause at the cross-roads and try to decide coolly which turn +to take. + +"You are quite right, Mr. Rosedale. I HAVE had bothers; and +I am grateful to you for wanting to relieve me of them. It is +not always easy to be quite independent and self-respecting +when one is poor and lives among rich people; I have been +careless about money, and have worried about my bills. But I +should be selfish and ungrateful if I made that a reason for +accepting all you offer, with no better return to make than +the desire to be free from my anxieties. You must give me +time--time to think of your kindness--and of what I could +give you in return for it---" + +She held out her hand with a charming gesture in which +dismissal was shorn of its rigour. Its hint of future leniency +made Rosedale rise in obedience to it, a little flushed with his +unhoped-for success, and disciplined by the tradition of his +blood to accept what was conceded, without undue haste to +press for more. Something in his prompt acquiescence frightened +her; she felt behind it the stored force of a patience that +might subdue the strongest will. But at least they had parted +amicably, and he was out of the house without meeting +Selden--Selden, whose continued absence now smote her with +a new alarm. Rosedale had remained over an hour, and she +understood that it was now too late to hope for Selden. He +would write explaining his absence, of course; there would be +a note from him by the late post. But her confession would +have to be postponed; and the chill of the delay settled heavily +on her fagged spirit. + +It lay heavier when the postman's last ring brought no note +for her, and she had to go upstairs to a lonely night--a night +as grim and sleepless as her tortured fancy had pictured it to +Gerty. She had never learned to live with her own thoughts, +and to be confronted with them through such hours of lucid +misery made the confused wretchedness of her previous vigil +seem easily bearable. + +Daylight disbanded the phantom crew, and made it clear +to her that she would hear from Selden before noon; but the +day passed without his writing or coming. Lily remained at +home, lunching and dining alone with her aunt, who complained of +flutterings of the heart, and talked icily on general +topics. Mrs. Peniston went to bed early, and when she had +gone Lily sat down and wrote a note to Selden. She was +about to ring for a messenger to despatch it when her eye fell +on a paragraph in the evening paper which lay at her elbow: +"Mr. Lawrence Selden was among the passengers sailing this +afternoon for Havana and the West Indies on the Windward +Liner Antilles." + +She laid down the paper and sat motionless, staring at her +note. She understood now that he was never coming--that +he had gone away because he was afraid that he might come. +She rose, and walking across the floor stood gazing at herself +for a long time in the brightly-lit mirror above the mantel- +piece. The lines in her face came out terribly--she looked +old; and when a girl looks old to herself, how does she look +to other people? She moved away, and began to wander +aimlessly about the room, fitting her steps with mechanical +precision between the monstrous roses of Mrs. Peniston's +Axminster. Suddenly she noticed that the pen with which she +had written to Selden still rested against the uncovered +inkstand. She seated herself again, and taking out an envelope, +addressed it rapidly to Rosedale. Then she laid out a sheet of +paper, and sat over it with suspended pen. It had been easy +enough to write the date, and "Dear Mr. Rosedale"--but after that +her inspiration flagged. She meant to tell him to come +to her, but the words refused to shape themselves. At length +she began: "I have been thinking---" then she laid the pen +down, and sat with her elbows on the table and her face hidden in +her hands. + +Suddenly she started up at the sound of the door-bell. It +was not late--barely ten o'clock--and there might still be a +note from Selden, or a message--or he might be there himself, on +the other side of the door! The announcement of his +sailing might have been a mistake--it might be another Lawrence +Selden who had gone to Havana--all these possibilities +had time to flash through her mind, and build up the conviction +that she was after all to see or hear from him, before the +drawing-room door opened to admit a servant carrying a +telegram. + +Lily tore it open with shaking hands, and read Bertha Dorset's +name below the message: "Sailing unexpectedly tomorrow. Will you +join us on a cruise in Mediterranean?" + + + + + BOOK TWO + + +Chapter 1 + +It came vividly to Selden on the Casino steps that Monte Carlo +had, more than any other place he knew, the gift of accommodating +itself to each man's humour. His own, at the moment, lent it a +festive readiness of welcome that might well, in a disenchanted +eye, have turned to paint and facility. So frank an appeal for +participation--so outspoken a recognition of the holiday vein in +human nature--struck refreshingly on a mind jaded by prolonged +hard work in surroundings made for the discipline of the senses. +As he surveyed the white square set in an exotic coquetry of +architecture, the studied tropicality of the gardens, the groups +loitering in the foreground against mauve mountains which +suggested a sublime stage-setting forgotten in a hurried shifting +of scenes--as he took in the whole outspread effect of light and +leisure, he felt a movement of revulsion from the last few months +of his life. + +The New York winter had presented an interminable perspective of +snow-burdened days, reaching toward a spring of raw sunshine and +furious air, when the ugliness of things rasped the eye as the +gritty wind ground into the skin. Selden, immersed in his work, +had told himself that external conditions did not matter to a man +in his state, and that cold and ugliness were a good tonic for +relaxed sensibilities. When an urgent case summoned him abroad to +confer with a client in Paris, he broke reluctantly with the +routine of the office; and it was only now that, having +despatched his business, and slipped away for a week in the +south, he began to feel the renewed zest of spectatorship that is +the solace of those who take an objective interest in life. + +The multiplicity of its appeals--the perpetual surprise of its +contrasts and resemblances! All these tricks and turns of the +show were upon him with a spring as he descended the Casino steps +and paused on the pavement at its doors. He had not been abroad +for seven years--and what changes the renewed contact produced! +If the central depths were untouched, hardly a pin-point of +surface remained the same. And this was the very place to +bring out the completeness of the renewal. The sublimities, the +perpetuities, might have left him as he was: but this tent +pitched for a day's revelry spread a roof of oblivion between +himself and his fixed sky. + +It was mid-April, and one felt that the revelry had reached its +climax and that the desultory groups in the square and gardens +would soon dissolve and re-form in other scenes. Meanwhile the +last moments of the performance seemed to gain an added +brightness from the hovering threat of the curtain. The quality +of the air, the exuberance of the flowers, the blue intensity of +sea and sky, produced the effect of a closing TABLEAU, when all +the lights are turned on at once. This impression was presently +heightened by the way in which a consciously conspicuous group of +people advanced to the middle front, and stood before Selden with +the air of the chief performers gathered together by the +exigencies of the final effect. Their appearance confirmed the +impression that the show had been staged regardless of expense, +and emphasized its resemblance to one of those "costume-plays" in +which the protagonists walk through the passions without +displacing a drapery. The ladies stood in unrelated attitudes +calculated to isolate their effects, and the men hung about them +as irrelevantly as stage heroes whose tailors are named in the +programme. It was Selden himself who unwittingly fused the group +by arresting the attention of one of its members. + +"Why, Mr. Selden!" Mrs. Fisher exclaimed in surprise; and with a +gesture toward Mrs. Jack Stepney and Mrs. Wellington Bry, she +added plaintively: "We're starving to death because we can't +decide where to lunch." + +Welcomed into their group, and made the confidant of their +difficulty, Selden learned with amusement that there were several +places where one might miss something by not lunching, or forfeit +something by lunching; so that eating actually became a minor +consideration on the very spot consecrated to its rites. + +"Of course one gets the best things at the TERRASSE--but that +looks as if one hadn't any other reason for being there: the +Americans who don't know any one always rush for the best food. +And the Duchess of Beltshire has taken up Becassin's lately," +Mrs. Bry earnestly summed up. + +Mrs. Bry, to Mrs. Fisher's despair, had not progressed beyond the +point of weighing her social alternatives in public. She could +not acquire the air of doing things because she wanted to, and +making her choice the final seal of their fitness. + +Mr. Bry, a short pale man, with a business face and leisure +clothes, met the dilemma hilariously. + +"I guess the Duchess goes where it's cheapest, unless she can get +her meal paid for. If you offered to blow her off at the TERRASSE +she'd turn up fast enough." + +But Mrs. Jack Stepney interposed. "The Grand Dukes go to that +little place at the Condamine. Lord Hubert says it's the only +restaurant in Europe where they can cook peas." + +Lord Hubert Dacey, a slender shabby-looking man, with a charming +worn smile, and the air of having spent his best years in +piloting the wealthy to the right restaurant, assented with +gentle emphasis: "It's quite that." + +"PEAS?" said Mr. Bry contemptuously. "Can they cook terrapin? It +just shows," he continued, "what these European markets are, when +a fellow can make a reputation cooking peas!" + +Jack Stepney intervened with authority. "I don't know that I +quite agree with Dacey: there's a little hole in Paris, off the +Quai Voltaire--but in any case, I can't advise the Condamine +GARGOTE; at least not with ladies." + +Stepney, since his marriage, had thickened and grown prudish, as +the Van Osburgh husbands were apt to do; but his wife, to his +surprise and discomfiture, had developed an earth-shaking +fastness of gait which left him trailing breathlessly in her +wake. + +"That's where we'll go then!" she declared, with a heavy toss of +her plumage. "I'm so tired of the TERRASSE: it's as dull as one +of mother's dinners. And Lord Hubert has promised to tell us who +all the awful people are at the other place--hasn't he, Carry? +Now, Jack, don't look so solemn!" + +"Well," said Mrs. Bry, "all I want to know is who their +dress-makers are." + +"No doubt Dacey can tell you that too," remarked Stepney, with an +ironic intention which the other received with the light murmur, +"I can at least FIND OUT, my dear fellow"; and Mrs. Bry +having declared that she couldn't walk another step, the party +hailed two or three of the light phaetons which hover attentively +on the confines of the gardens, and rattled off in procession +toward the Condamine. + +Their destination was one of the little restaurants overhanging +the boulevard which dips steeply down from Monte Carlo to the low +intermediate quarter along the quay. From the window in which +they presently found themselves installed, they overlooked the +intense blue curve of the harbour, set between the verdure of +twin promontories: to the right, the cliff of Monaco, topped by +the mediaeval silhouette of its church and castle, to the left +the terraces and pinnacles of the gambling-house. Between the +two, the waters of the bay were furrowed by a light coming and +going of pleasure-craft, through which, just at the culminating +moment of luncheon, the majestic advance of a great steam-yacht +drew the company's attention from the peas. + +"By Jove, I believe that's the Dorsets back!" Stepney exclaimed; +and Lord Hubert, dropping his single eye-glass, corroborated: +"It's the Sabrina--yes." + +"So soon? They were to spend a month in Sicily," Mrs. Fisher +observed. + +"I guess they feel as if they had: there's only one up-to-date +hotel in the whole place," said Mr. Bry disparagingly. + +"It was Ned Silverton's idea--but poor Dorset and Lily Bart must +have been horribly bored." Mrs. Fisher added in an undertone to +Selden: "I do hope there hasn't been a row." + +"It's most awfully jolly having Miss Bart back," said Lord +Hubert, in his mild deliberate voice; and Mrs. Bry added +ingenuously: "I daresay the Duchess will dine with us, now that +Lily's here." + +"The Duchess admires her immensely: I'm sure she'd be charmed to +have it arranged," Lord Hubert agreed, with the professional +promptness of the man accustomed to draw his profit from +facilitating social contacts: Selden was struck by the +businesslike change in his manner. + +"Lily has been a tremendous success here," Mrs. Fisher continued, +still addressing herself confidentially to Selden. "She looks ten +years younger--I never saw her so handsome. Lady Skiddaw took her +everywhere in Cannes, and the Crown Princess of Macedonia +had her to stop for a week at Cimiez. People say that was one +reason why Bertha whisked the yacht off to Sicily: the Crown +Princess didn't take much notice of her, and she couldn't bear to +look on at Lily's triumph." + +Selden made no reply. He was vaguely aware that Miss Bart was +cruising in the Mediterranean with the Dorsets, but it had not +occurred to him that there was any chance of running across her +on the Riviera, where the season was virtually at an end. As he +leaned back, silently contemplating his filigree cup of Turkish +coffee, he was trying to put some order in his thoughts, to tell +himself how the news of her nearness was really affecting him. He +had a personal detachment enabling him, even in moments of +emotional high-pressure, to get a fairly clear view of his +feelings, and he was sincerely surprised by the disturbance which +the sight of the Sabrina had produced in him. He had reason to +think that his three months of engrossing professional work, +following on the sharp shock of his disillusionment, had cleared +his mind of its sentimental vapours. The feeling he had nourished +and given prominence to was one of thankfulness for his escape: +he was like a traveller so grateful for rescue from a dangerous +accident that at first he is hardly conscious of his bruises. Now +he suddenly felt the latent ache, and realized that after all he +had not come off unhurt. + +An hour later, at Mrs. Fisher's side in the Casino gardens, he +was trying to find fresh reasons for forgetting the injury +received in the contemplation of the peril avoided. The party had +dispersed with the loitering indecision characteristic of social +movements at Monte Carlo, where the whole place, and the long +gilded hours of the day, seem to offer an infinity of ways of +being idle. Lord Hubert Dacey had finally gone off in quest of +the Duchess of Beltshire, charged by Mrs. Bry with the delicate +negotiation of securing that lady's presence at dinner, the +Stepneys had left for Nice in their motor-car, and Mr. Bry had +departed to take his place in the pigeon shooting match which was +at the moment engaging his highest faculties. + +Mrs. Bry, who had a tendency to grow red and stertorous after +luncheon, had been judiciously prevailed upon by Carry +Fisher to withdraw to her hotel for an hour's repose; and Selden +and his companion were thus left to a stroll propitious to +confidences. The stroll soon resolved itself into a tranquil +session on a bench overhung with laurel and Banksian roses, from +which they caught a dazzle of blue sea between marble balusters, +and the fiery shafts of cactus-blossoms shooting meteor-like from +the rock. The soft shade of their niche, and the adjacent glitter +of the air, were conducive to an easy lounging mood, and to the +smoking of many cigarettes; and Selden, yielding to these +influences, suffered Mrs. Fisher to unfold to him the history of +her recent experiences. She had come abroad with the Welly Brys +at the moment when fashion flees the inclemency of the New York +spring. The Brys, intoxicated by their first success, already +thirsted for new kingdoms, and Mrs. Fisher, viewing the Riviera +as an easy introduction to London society, had guided their +course thither. She had affiliations of her own in every capital, +and a facility for picking them up again after long absences; and +the carefully disseminated rumour of the Brys' wealth had at once +gathered about them a group of cosmopolitan pleasure-seekers. + +"But things are not going as well as I expected," Mrs. Fisher +frankly admitted. "It's all very well to say that every body with +money can get into society; but it would be truer to say that +NEARLY everybody can. And the London market is so glutted with +new Americans that, to succeed there now, they must be either +very clever or awfully queer. The Brys are neither. HE would get +on well enough if she'd let him alone; they like his slang and +his brag and his blunders. But Louisa spoils it all by trying to +repress him and put herself forward. If she'd be natural +herself--fat and vulgar and bouncing--it would be all right; but +as soon as she meets anybody smart she tries to be slender and +queenly. She tried it with the Duchess of Beltshire and Lady +Skiddaw, and they fled. I've done my best to make her see her +mistake--I've said to her again and again: 'Just let yourself go, +Louisa'; but she keeps up the humbug even with me--I believe she +keeps on being queenly in her own room, with the door shut. + +"The worst of it is," Mrs. Fisher went on, "that she thinks it's +all MY fault. When the Dorsets turned up here six weeks ago, and +everybody began to make a fuss about Lily Bart, I could +see Louisa thought that if she'd had Lily in tow instead of me +she would have been hob-nobbing with all the royalties by this +time. She doesn't realize that it's Lily's beauty that does it: +Lord Hubert tells me Lily is thought even handsomer than when he +knew her at Aix ten years ago. It seems she was tremendously +admired there. An Italian Prince, rich and the real thing, wanted +to marry her; but just at the critical moment a good-looking +step-son turned up, and Lily was silly enough to flirt with him +while her marriage-settlements with the step-father were being +drawn up. Some people said the young man did it on purpose. You +can fancy the scandal: there was an awful row between the men, +and people began to look at Lily so queerly that Mrs. Peniston +had to pack up and finish her cure elsewhere. Not that SHE ever +understood: to this day she thinks that Aix didn't suit her, and +mentions her having been sent there as proof of the incompetence +of French doctors. That's Lily all over, you know: she works like +a slave preparing the ground and sowing her seed; but the day she +ought to be reaping the harvest she over-sleeps herself or goes +off on a picnic." + +Mrs. Fisher paused and looked reflectively at the deep shimmer of +sea between the cactus-flowers. "Sometimes," she added, "I think +it's just flightiness--and sometimes I think it's because, at +heart, she despises the things she's trying for. And it's the +difficulty of deciding that makes her such an interesting study." +She glanced tentatively at Selden's motionless profile, and +resumed with a slight sigh: "Well, all I can say is, I wish she'd +give ME some of her discarded opportunities. I wish we could +change places now, for instance. She could make a very good thing +out of the Brys if she managed them properly, and I should know +just how to look after George Dorset while Bertha is reading +Verlaine with Neddy Silverton." + +She met Selden's sound of protest with a sharp derisive glance. +"Well, what's the use of mincing matters? We all know that's what +Bertha brought her abroad for. When Bertha wants to have a good +time she has to provide occupation for George. At first I thought +Lily was going to play her cards well THIS time, but there are +rumours that Bertha is jealous of her success here and at Cannes, +and I shouldn't be surprised if there were a break any +day. Lily's only safeguard is that Bertha needs her badly--oh, +very badly. The Silverton affair is in the acute stage: it's +necessary that George's attention should be pretty continuously +distracted. And I'm bound to say Lily DOES distract it: I believe +he'd marry her tomorrow if he found out there was anything wrong +with Bertha. But you know him--he's as blind as he's jealous; and +of course Lily's present business is to keep him blind. A clever +woman might know just the right moment to tear off the bandage: +but Lily isn't clever in that way, and when George does open his +eyes she'll probably contrive not to be in his line of vision." + +Selden tossed away his cigarette. "By Jove--it's time for my +train," he exclaimed, with a glance at his watch; adding, in +reply to Mrs. Fisher's surprised comment--"Why, I thought of +course you were at Monte!"--a murmured word to the effect that he +was making Nice his head-quarters. + +"The worst of it is, she snubs the Brys now," he heard +irrelevantly flung after him. + +Ten minutes later, in the high-perched bedroom of an hotel +overlooking the Casino, he was tossing his effects into a couple +of gaping portmanteaux, while the porter waited outside to +transport them to the cab at the door. It took but a brief plunge +down the steep white road to the station to land him safely in +the afternoon express for Nice; and not till he was installed in +the corner of an empty carriage, did he exclaim to himself, with +a reaction of self-contempt: "What the deuce am I running away +from?" + +The pertinence of the question checked Selden's fugitive impulse +before the train had started. It was ridiculous to be flying like +an emotional coward from an infatuation his reason had conquered. +He had instructed his bankers to forward some important business +letters to Nice, and at Nice he would quietly await them. He was +already annoyed with himself for having left Monte Carlo, where +he had intended to pass the week which remained to him before +sailing; but it would now be difficult to return on his steps +without an appearance of inconsistency from which his pride +recoiled. In his inmost heart he was not sorry to put himself +beyond the probability of meeting Miss Bart. Completely as he had +detached himself from her, he could not yet regard her merely as a +social instance; and viewed in a more personal ways she was not +likely to be a reassuring object of study. Chance encounters, or +even the repeated mention of her name, would send his thoughts +back into grooves from which he had resolutely detached them; +whereas, if she could be entirely excluded from his life, the +pressure of new and varied impressions, with which no thought of +her was connected, would soon complete the work of separation. +Mrs. Fisher's conversation had, indeed, operated to that end; but +the treatment was too painful to be voluntarily chosen while +milder remedies were untried; and Selden thought he could trust +himself to return gradually to a reasonable view of Miss Bart, if +only he did not see her. + +Having reached the station early, he had arrived at this point in +his reflections before the increasing throng on the platform +warned him that he could not hope to preserve his privacy; the +next moment there was a hand on the door, and he turned to +confront the very face he was fleeing. + +Miss Bart, glowing with the haste of a precipitate descent upon +the train, headed a group composed of the Dorsets, young +Silverton and Lord Hubert Dacey, who had barely time to spring +into the carriage, and envelop Selden in ejaculations of surprise +and welcome, before the whistle of departure sounded. The party, +it appeared, were hastening to Nice in response to a sudden +summons to dine with the Duchess of Beltshire and to see the +water-fete in the bay; a plan evidently improvised--in spite of +Lord Hubert's protesting "Oh, I say, you know,"--for the express +purpose of defeating Mrs. Bry's endeavour to capture the Duchess. + +During the laughing relation of this manoeuvre, Selden had time +for a rapid impression of Miss Bart, who had seated herself +opposite to him in the golden afternoon light. Scarcely three +months had elapsed since he had parted from her on the threshold +of the Brys' conservatory; but a subtle change had passed over +the quality of her beauty. Then it had had a transparency through +which the fluctuations of the spirit were sometimes tragically +visible; now its impenetrable surface suggested a process of +crystallization which had fused her whole being into one hard +brilliant substance. The change had struck Mrs. Fisher as +a rejuvenation: to Selden it seemed like that moment of pause and +arrest when the warm fluidity of youth is chilled into its final +shape. + +He felt it in the way she smiled on him, and in the readiness and +competence with which, flung unexpectedly into his presence, she +took up the thread of their intercourse as though that thread had +not been snapped with a violence from which he still reeled. Such +facility sickened him--but he told himself that it was with the +pang which precedes recovery. Now he would really get well--would +eject the last drop of poison from his blood. Already he felt +himself calmer in her presence than he had learned to be in the +thought of her. Her assumptions and elisions, her short-cuts and +long DETOURS, the skill with which she contrived to meet him at a +point from which no inconvenient glimpses of the past were +visible, suggested what opportunities she had had for practising +such arts since their last meeting. He felt that she had at last +arrived at an understanding with herself: had made a pact with +her rebellious impulses, and achieved a uniform system of +self-government, under which all vagrant tendencies were either +held captive or forced into the service of the state. + +And he saw other things too in her manner: saw how it had +adjusted itself to the hidden intricacies of a situation in +which, even after Mrs. Fisher's elucidating flashes, he still +felt himself agrope. Surely Mrs. Fisher could no longer charge +Miss Bart with neglecting her opportunities! To Selden's +exasperated observation she was only too completely alive to +them. She was "perfect" to every one: subservient to Bertha's +anxious predominance, good-naturedly watchful of Dorset's moods, +brightly companionable to Silverton and Dacey, the latter of whom +met her on an evident footing of old admiration, while young +Silverton, portentously self-absorbed, seemed conscious of her +only as of something vaguely obstructive. And suddenly, as Selden +noted the fine shades of manner by which she harmonized herself +with her surroundings, it flashed on him that, to need such +adroit handling, the situation must indeed be desperate. She was +on the edge of something--that was the impression left with him. +He seemed to see her poised on the brink of a chasm, with one +graceful foot advanced to assert her unconsciousness that +the ground was failing her. + +On the Promenade des Anglais, where Ned Silverton hung on him for +the half hour before dinner, he received a deeper impression of +the general insecurity. Silverton was in a mood of Titanic +pessimism. How any one could come to such a damned hole as the +Riviera--any one with a grain of imagination--with the whole +Mediterranean to choose from: but then, if one's estimate of a +place depended on the way they broiled a spring chicken! Gad! +what a study might be made of the tyranny of the stomach--the way +a sluggish liver or insufficient gastric juices might affect the +whole course of the universe, overshadow everything in +reach--chronic dyspepsia ought to be among the "statutory +causes"; a woman's life might be ruined by a man's inability to +digest fresh bread. Grotesque? Yes--and tragic--like most +absurdities. There's nothing grimmer than the tragedy that wears +a comic mask.... Where was he? Oh--the reason they chucked Sicily +and rushed back? Well--partly, no doubt, Miss Bart's desire to +get back to bridge and smartness. Dead as a stone to art and +poetry--the light never WAS on sea or land for her! And of course +she persuaded Dorset that the Italian food was bad for him. Oh, +she could make him believe anything--ANYTHING! Mrs. Dorset was +aware of it--oh, perfectly: nothing SHE didn't see! But she could +hold her tongue--she'd had to, often enough. Miss Bart was an +intimate friend--she wouldn't hear a word against her. Only it +hurts a woman's pride--there are some things one doesn't get used +to . . . All this in confidence, of course? Ah--and there were +the ladies signalling from the balcony of the hotel.... He +plunged across the Promenade, leaving Selden to a meditative +cigar. + +The conclusions it led him to were fortified, later in the +evening, by some of those faint corroborative hints that generate +a light of their own in the dusk of a doubting mind. Selden, +stumbling on a chance acquaintance, had dined with him, and +adjourned, still in his company, to the brightly lit Promenade, +where a line of crowded stands commanded the glittering darkness +of the waters. The night was soft and persuasive. Overhead hung +a summer sky furrowed with the rush of rockets; and from +the east a late moon, pushing up beyond the lofty bend of the +coast, sent across the bay a shaft of brightness which paled to +ashes in the red glitter of the illuminated boats. Down the +lantern-hung Promenade, snatches of band-music floated above the +hum of the crowd and the soft tossing of boughs in dusky gardens; +and between these gardens and the backs of the stands there +flowed a stream of people in whom the vociferous carnival mood +seemed tempered by the growing languor of the season. + +Selden and his companion, unable to get seats on one of the +stands facing the bay, had wandered for a while with the throng, +and then found a point of vantage on a high garden-parapet above +the Promenade. Thence they caught but a triangular glimpse of +the water, and of the flashing play of boats across its surface; +but the crowd in the street was under their immediate view, and +seemed to Selden, on the whole, of more interest than the show +itself. After a while, however, he wearied of his perch and, +dropping alone to the pavement, pushed his way to the first +corner and turned into the moonlit silence of a side street. Long +garden-walls overhung by trees made a dark boundary to the +pavement; an empty cab trailed along the deserted thoroughfare, +and presently Selden saw two persons emerge from the opposite +shadows, signal to the cab, and drive off in it toward the centre +of the town. The moonlight touched them as they paused to enter +the carriage, and he recognized Mrs. Dorset and young Silverton. + +Beneath the nearest lamp-post he glanced at his watch and saw +that the time was close on eleven. He took another cross street, +and without breasting the throng on the Promenade, made his way +to the fashionable club which overlooks that thoroughfare. Here, +amid the blaze of crowded baccarat tables, he caught sight of +Lord Hubert Dacey, seated with his habitual worn smile behind a +rapidly dwindling heap of gold. The heap being in due course +wiped out, Lord Hubert rose with a shrug, and joining Selden, +adjourned with him to the deserted terrace of the club. It was +now past midnight, and the throng on the stands was dispersing, +while the long trails of red-lit boats scattered and faded +beneath a sky repossessed by the tranquil splendour of the moon. + +Lord Hubert looked at his watch. "By Jove, I promised to +join the Duchess for supper at the LONDON HOUSE; but it's past +twelve, and I suppose they've all scattered. The fact is, I lost +them in the crowd soon after dinner, and took refuge here, for my +sins. They had seats on one of the stands, but of course they +couldn't stop quiet: the Duchess never can. She and Miss Bart +went off in quest of what they call adventures--gad, it ain't +their fault if they don't have some queer ones!" He added +tentatively, after pausing to grope for a cigarette: "Miss Bart's +an old friend of yours, I believe? So she told me.--Ah, thanks--I +don't seem to have one left." He lit Selden's proffered +cigarette, and continued, in his high-pitched drawling tone: +"None of my business, of course, but I didn't introduce her to +the Duchess. Charming woman, the Duchess, you understand; and a +very good friend of mine; but RATHER a liberal education." + +Selden received this in silence, and after a few puffs Lord +Hubert broke out again: "Sort of thing one can't communicate to +the young lady--though young ladies nowadays are so competent to +judge for themselves; but in this case--I'm an old friend too, +you know . . . and there seemed no one else to speak to. The +whole situation's a little mixed, as I see it--but there used to +be an aunt somewhere, a diffuse and innocent person, who was +great at bridging over chasms she didn't see . . . Ah, in New +York, is she? Pity New York's such a long way off!" + + + +Chapter 2 + +Miss Bart, emerging late the next morning from her cabin, found +herself alone on the deck of the Sabrina. The cushioned chairs, +disposed expectantly under the wide awning, showed no signs of +recent occupancy, and she presently learned from a steward that +Mrs. Dorset had not yet appeared, and that the +gentlemen--separately--had gone ashore as soon as they had +breakfasted. Supplied with these facts, Lily leaned awhile over +the side, giving herself up to a leisurely enjoyment of the +spectacle before her. Unclouded sunlight enveloped sea and shore +in a bath of purest radiancy. The purpling waters drew a sharp +white line of foam at the base of the shore; against its +irregular eminences, hotels and villas flashed from the greyish +verdure of olive and eucalyptus; and the background of bare and +finely-pencilled mountains quivered in a pale intensity of light. + + +How beautiful it was--and how she loved beauty! She had always +felt that her sensibility in this direction made up for certain +obtusenesses of feeling of which she was less proud; and during +the last three months she had indulged it passionately. The +Dorsets' invitation to go abroad with them had come as an almost +miraculous release from crushing difficulties; and her faculty +for renewing herself in new scenes, and casting off problems of +conduct as easily as the surroundings in which they had arisen, +made the mere change from one place to another seem, not merely a +postponement, but a solution of her troubles. Moral complications +existed for her only in the environment that had produced them; +she did not mean to slight or ignore them, but they lost their +reality when they changed their background. She could not have +remained in New York without repaying the money she owed to +Trenor; to acquit herself of that odious debt she might even have +faced a marriage with Rosedale; but the accident of placing the +Atlantic between herself and her obligations made them dwindle +out of sight as if they had been milestones and she had travelled +past them. + +Her two months on the Sabrina had been especially calculated to +aid this illusion of distance. She had been plunged into +new scenes, and had found in them a renewal of old hopes and +ambitions. The cruise itself charmed her as a romantic adventure. +She was vaguely touched by the names and scenes amid which she +moved, and had listened to Ned Silverton reading Theocritus by +moonlight, as the yacht rounded the Sicilian promontories, with a +thrill of the nerves that confirmed her belief in her +intellectual superiority. But the weeks at Cannes and Nice had +really given her more pleasure. The gratification of being +welcomed in high company, and of making her own ascendency felt +there, so that she found herself figuring once more as the +"beautiful Miss Bart" in the interesting journal devoted to +recording the least movements of her cosmopolitan companions--all +these experiences tended to throw into the extreme background of +memory the prosaic and sordid difficulties from which she had +escaped. + +If she was faintly aware of fresh difficulties ahead, she was +sure of her ability to meet them: it was characteristic of her to +feel that the only problems she could not solve were those with +which she was familiar. Meanwhile she could honestly be proud of +the skill with which she had adapted herself to somewhat delicate +conditions. She had reason to think that she had made herself +equally necessary to her host and hostess; and if only she had +seen any perfectly irreproachable means of drawing a financial +profit from the situation, there would have been no cloud on her +horizon. The truth was that her funds, as usual, were +inconveniently low; and to neither Dorset nor his wife could this +vulgar embarrassment be safely hinted. Still, the need was not a +pressing one; she could worry along, as she had so often done +before, with the hope of some happy change of fortune to sustain +her; and meanwhile life was gay and beautiful and easy, and she +was conscious of figuring not unworthily in such a setting. + +She was engaged to breakfast that morning with the Duchess of +Beltshire, and at twelve o'clock she asked to be set ashore in +the gig. Before this she had sent her maid to enquire if she +might see Mrs. Dorset; but the reply came back that the latter +was tired, and trying to sleep. Lily thought she understood the +reason of the rebuff. Her hostess had not been included in the +Duchess's invitation, though she herself had made the +most loyal efforts in that direction. But her grace was +impervious to hints, and invited or omitted as she chose. It was +not Lily's fault if Mrs. Dorset's complicated attitudes did not +fall in with the Duchess's easy gait. The Duchess, who seldom +explained herself, had not formulated her objection beyond +saying: "She's rather a bore, you know. The only one of your +friends I like is that little Mr. Bry--HE'S funny--" but Lily +knew enough not to press the point, and was not altogether sorry +to be thus distinguished at her friend's expense. Bertha +certainly HAD grown tiresome since she had taken to poetry and +Ned Silverton. + +On the whole, it was a relief to break away now and then from the +Sabrina; and the Duchess's little breakfast, organized by Lord +Hubert with all his usual virtuosity, was the pleasanter to Lily +for not including her travelling-companions. Dorset, of late, had +grown more than usually morose and incalculable, and Ned +Silverton went about with an air that seemed to challenge the +universe. The freedom and lightness of the ducal intercourse made +an agreeable change from these complications, and Lily was +tempted, after luncheon, to adjourn in the wake of her companions +to the hectic atmosphere of the Casino. She did not mean to play; +her diminished pocket-money offered small scope for the +adventure; but it amused her to sit on a divan, under the +doubtful protection of the Duchess's back, while the latter hung +above her stakes at a neighbouring table. + +The rooms were packed with the gazing throng which, in the +afternoon hours, trickles heavily between the tables, like the +Sunday crowd in a lion-house. In the stagnant flow of the mass, +identities were hardly distinguishable; but Lily presently saw +Mrs. Bry cleaving her determined way through the doors, and, in +the broad wake she left, the light figure of Mrs. Fisher bobbing +after her like a row-boat at the stern of a tug. Mrs. Bry pressed +on, evidently animated by the resolve to reach a certain point in +the rooms; but Mrs. Fisher, as she passed Lily, broke from her +towing-line, and let herself float to the girl's side. + +"Lose her?" she echoed the latter's query, with an indifferent +glance at Mrs. Bry's retreating back. "I daresay--it doesn't +matter: I HAVE lost her already." And, as Lily exclaimed, +she added: "We had an awful row this morning. You know, of +course, that the Duchess chucked her at dinner last night, and +she thinks it was my fault--my want of management. The worst of +it is, the message--just a mere word by telephone--came so late +that the dinner HAD to be paid for; and Becassin HAD run it +up--it had been so drummed into him that the Duchess was coming!" +Mrs. Fisher indulged in a faint laugh at the remembrance. "Paying +for what she doesn't get rankles so dreadfully with Louisa: I +can't make her see that it's one of the preliminary steps to +getting what you haven't paid for--and as I was the nearest thing +to smash, she smashed me to atoms, poor dear!" + +Lily murmured her commiseration. Impulses of sympathy came +naturally to her, and it was instinctive to proffer her help to +Mrs. Fisher. + +"If there's anything I can do--if it's only a question of meeting +the Duchess! I heard her say she thought Mr. Bry amusing---" + +But Mrs. Fisher interposed with a decisive gesture. "My dear, I +have my pride: the pride of my trade. I couldn't manage the +Duchess, and I can't palm off your arts on Louisa Bry as mine. +I've taken the final step: I go to Paris tonight with the Sam +Gormers. THEY'RE still in the elementary stage; an Italian Prince +is a great deal more than a Prince to them, and they're always on +the brink of taking a courier for one. To save them from that is +my present mission." She laughed again at the picture. "But +before I go I want to make my last will and testament--I want to +leave you the Brys." + +"Me?" Miss Bart joined in her amusement. "It's charming of you to +remember me, dear; but really---" + +"You're already so well provided for?" Mrs. Fisher flashed a +sharp glance at her. "ARE you, though, Lily--to the point of +rejecting my offer?" + +Miss Bart coloured slowly. "What I really meant was, that the +Brys wouldn't in the least care to be so disposed of." + +Mrs. Fisher continued to probe her embarrassment with an +unflinching eye. "What you really meant was that you've snubbed +the Brys horribly; and you know that they know---" + +"Carry!" + +"Oh, on certain sides Louisa bristles with perceptions. If you'd +even managed to have them asked once on the Sabrina--especially +when royalties were coming! But it's not too late," she ended +earnestly, "it's not too late for either of you." + +Lily smiled. "Stay over, and I'll get the Duchess to dine with +them." + +"I shan't stay over--the Gormers have paid for my SALON-LIT," +said Mrs. Fisher with simplicity. "But get the Duchess to dine +with them all the same." + +Lily's smile again flowed into a slight laugh: her friend's +importunity was beginning to strike her as irrelevant. "I'm sorry +I have been negligent about the Brys---" she began. + +"Oh, as to the Brys--it's you I'm thinking of," said Mrs. Fisher +abruptly. She paused, and then, bending forward, with a lowered +voice: "You know we all went on to Nice last night when the +Duchess chucked us. It was Louisa's idea--I told her what I +thought of it." + +Miss Bart assented. "Yes--I caught sight of you on the way back, +at the station." + +"Well, the man who was in the carriage with you and George +Dorset--that horrid little Dabham who does 'Society Notes from +the Riviera'--had been dining with us at Nice. And he's telling +everybody that you and Dorset came back alone after midnight." + +"Alone--? When he was with us?" Lily laughed, but her laugh faded +into gravity under the prolonged implication of Mrs. Fisher's +look. "We DID come back alone--if that's so very dreadful! But +whose fault was it? The Duchess was spending the night at Cimiez +with the Crown Princess; Bertha got bored with the show, and went +off early, promising to meet us at the station. We turned up on +time, but she didn't--she didn't turn up at all!" + +Miss Bart made this announcement in the tone of one who presents, +with careless assurance, a complete vindication; but Mrs. Fisher +received it in a manner almost inconsequent. She seemed to have +lost sight of her friend's part in the incident: her inward +vision had taken another slant. + +"Bertha never turned up at all? Then how on earth did she get +back?" + +"Oh, by the next train, I suppose; there were two extra ones for +the FETE. At any rate, I know she's safe on the yacht, though I +haven't yet seen her; but you see it was not my fault," Lily +summed up. + +"Not your fault that Bertha didn't turn up? My poor child, if +only you don't have to pay for it!" Mrs. Fisher rose--she had +seen Mrs. Bry surging back in her direction. "There's Louisa, and +I must be off--oh, we're on the best of terms externally; we're +lunching together; but at heart it's ME she's lunching on," she +explained; and with a last hand-clasp and a last look, she added: +"Remember, I leave her to you; she's hovering now, ready to take +you in." + + + +Lily carried the impression of Mrs. Fisher's leave-taking away +with her from the Casino doors. She had accomplished, before +leaving, the first step toward her reinstatement in Mrs. Bry's +good graces. An affable advance--a vague murmur that they must +see more of each other--an allusive glance to a near future that +was felt to include the Duchess as well as the Sabrina--how +easily it was all done, if one possessed the knack of doing it! +She wondered at herself, as she had so often wondered, that, +possessing the knack, she did not more consistently exercise it. +But sometimes she was forgetful--and sometimes, could it be that +she was proud? Today, at any rate, she had been vaguely conscious +of a reason for sinking her pride, had in fact even sunk it to +the point of suggesting to Lord Hubert Dacey, whom she ran across +on the Casino steps, that he might really get the Duchess to dine +with the Brys, if SHE undertook to have them asked on the +Sabrina. Lord Hubert had promised his help, with the readiness on +which she could always count: it was his only way of ever +reminding her that he had once been ready to do so much more for +her. Her path, in short, seemed to smooth itself before her as +she advanced; yet the faint stir of uneasiness persisted. Had it +been produced, she wondered, by her chance meeting with Selden? +She thought not--time and change seemed so completely to have +relegated him to his proper distance. The sudden and exquisite +reaction from her anxieties had had the effect of throwing the +recent past so far back that even Selden, as part of it, retained +a certain air of unreality. And he had made it so clear +that they were not to meet again; that he had merely dropped down +to Nice for a day or two, and had almost his foot on the next +steamer. No--that part of the past had merely surged up for a +moment on the fleeing surface of events; and now that it was +submerged again, the uncertainty, the apprehension persisted. + +They grew to sudden acuteness as she caught sight of George +Dorset descending the steps of the Hotel de Paris and making for +her across the square. She had meant to drive down to the quay +and regain the yacht; but she now had the immediate impression +that something more was to happen first. + +"Which way are you going? Shall we walk a bit?" he began, putting +the second question before the first was answered, and not +waiting for a reply to either before he directed her silently +toward the comparative seclusion of the lower gardens. + +She detected in him at once all the signs of extreme nervous +tension. The skin was puffed out under his sunken eyes, and its +sallowness had paled to a leaden white against which his +irregular eyebrows and long reddish moustache were relieved with +a saturnine effect. His appearance, in short, presented an odd +mixture of the bedraggled and the ferocious. + +He walked beside her in silence, with quick precipitate steps, +till they reached the embowered slopes to the east of the Casino; +then, pulling up abruptly, he said: "Have you seen Bertha?" + +"No--when I left the yacht she was not yet up." + +He received this with a laugh like the whirring sound in a +disabled clock. "Not yet up? Had she gone to bed? Do you know at +what time she came on board? This morning at seven!" he +exclaimed. + +"At seven?" Lily started. "What happened--an accident to the +train?" + +He laughed again. "They missed the train--all the trains--they +had to drive back." + +"Well---?" She hesitated, feeling at once how little even this +necessity accounted for the fatal lapse of hours. + +"Well, they couldn't get a carriage at once--at that time of +night, you know--" the explanatory note made it almost +seem as though he were putting the case for his wife--"and when +they finally did, it was only a one-horse cab, and the horse was +lame!" + +"How tiresome! I see," she affirmed, with the more earnestness +because she was so nervously conscious that she did not; and +after a pause she added: "I'm so sorry--but ought we to have +waited?" + +"Waited for the one-horse cab? It would scarcely have carried the +four of us, do you think?" + +She took this in what seemed the only possible way, with a laugh +intended to sink the question itself in his humorous treatment of +it. "Well, it would have been difficult; we should have had to +walk by turns. But it would have been jolly to see the sunrise." + +"Yes: the sunrise WAS jolly," he agreed. + +"Was it? You saw it, then?" + +"I saw it, yes; from the deck. I waited up for them." + +"Naturally--I suppose you were worried. Why didn't you call on me +to share your vigil?" + +He stood still, dragging at his moustache with a lean weak hand. +"I don't think you would have cared for its DENOUEMENT," he said +with sudden grimness. + +Again she was disconcerted by the abrupt change in his tone, and +as in one flash she saw the peril of the moment, and the need of +keeping her sense of it out of her eyes. + +"DENOUEMENT--isn't that too big a word for such a small incident? +The worst of it, after all, is the fatigue which Bertha has +probably slept off by this time." + +She clung to the note bravely, though its futility was now plain +to her in the glare of his miserable eyes. + +"Don't--don't---!" he broke out, with the hurt cry of a child; +and while she tried to merge her sympathy, and her resolve to +ignore any cause for it, in one ambiguous murmur of deprecation, +he dropped down on the bench near which they had paused, and +poured out the wretchedness of his soul. + +It was a dreadful hour--an hour from which she emerged shrinking +and seared, as though her lids had been scorched by its actual +glare. It was not that she had never had premonitory glimpses of +such an outbreak; but rather because, here and there +throughout the three months, the surface of life had shown such +ominous cracks and vapours that her fears had always been on the +alert for an upheaval. There had been moments when the situation +had presented itself under a homelier yet more vivid image--that +of a shaky vehicle, dashed by unbroken steeds over a bumping +road, while she cowered within, aware that the harness wanted +mending, and wondering what would give way first. +Well--everything had given way now; and the wonder was that the +crazy outfit had held together so long. Her sense of being +involved in the crash, instead of merely witnessing it from the +road, was intensified by the way in which Dorset, through his +furies of denunciation and wild reactions of self-contempt, made +her feel the need he had of her, the place she had taken in his +life. But for her, what ear would have been open to his cries? +And what hand but hers could drag him up again to a footing of +sanity and self-respect? All through the stress of the struggle +with him, she had been conscious of something faintly maternal in +her efforts to guide and uplift him. But for the present, if he +clung to her, it was not in order to be dragged up, but to feel +some one floundering in the depths with him: he wanted her to +suffer with him, not to help him to suffer less. + +Happily for both, there was little physical strength to sustain +his frenzy. It left him, collapsed and breathing heavily, to an +apathy so deep and prolonged that Lily almost feared the +passers-by would think it the result of a seizure, and stop to +offer their aid. But Monte Carlo is, of all places, the one where +the human bond is least close, and odd sights are the least +arresting. If a glance or two lingered on the couple, no +intrusive sympathy disturbed them; and it was Lily herself who +broke the silence by rising from her seat. With the clearing of +her vision the sweep of peril had extended, and she saw that the +post of danger was no longer at Dorset's side. + +"If you won't go back, I must--don't make me leave you!" she +urged. + +But he remained mutely resistant, and she added: "What are you +going to do? You really can't sit here all night." + +"I can go to an hotel. I can telegraph my lawyers." He sat up, +roused by a new thought. "By Jove, Selden's at Nice--I'll send +for Selden!" + +Lily, at this, reseated herself with a cry of alarm. "No, no, NO!" +she protested. + +He swung round on her distrustfully. "Why not Selden? He's a +lawyer isn't he? One will do as well as another in a case like +this." + +"As badly as another, you mean. I thought you relied on ME to +help you." + +"You do--by being so sweet and patient with me. If it hadn't been +for you I'd have ended the thing long ago. But now it's got to +end." He rose suddenly, straightening himself with an effort. +"You can't want to see me ridiculous." + +She looked at him kindly. "That's just it." Then, after a +moment's pondering, almost to her own surprise she broke out with +a flash of inspiration: "Well, go over and see Mr. Selden. You'll +have time to do it before dinner." + +"Oh, DINNER---" he mocked her; but she left him with the smiling +rejoinder: "Dinner on board, remember; we'll put it off till nine +if you like." + +It was past four already; and when a cab had dropped her at the +quay, and she stood waiting for the gig to put off for her, she +began to wonder what had been happening on the yacht. Of +Silverton's whereabouts there had been no mention. Had he +returned to the Sabrina? Or could Bertha--the dread alternative +sprang on her suddenly--could Bertha, left to herself, have gone +ashore to rejoin him? Lily's heart stood still at the thought. +All her concern had hitherto been for young Silverton, not only +because, in such affairs, the woman's instinct is to side with +the man, but because his case made a peculiar appeal to her +sympathies. He was so desperately in earnest, poor youth, and his +earnestness was of so different a quality from Bertha's, though +hers too was desperate enough. The difference was that Bertha was +in earnest only about herself, while he was in earnest about her. +But now, at the actual crisis, this difference seemed to throw +the weight of destitution on Bertha's side, since at least he had +her to suffer for, and she had only herself. At any rate, viewed +less ideally, all the disadvantages of such a situation were for +the woman; and it was to Bertha that Lily's sympathies now went +out. She was not fond of Bertha Dorset, but neither was she +without a sense of obligation, the heavier for having so little +personal liking to sustain it. Bertha had been kind to her, they +had lived together, during the last months, on terms of easy +friendship, and the sense of friction of which Lily had recently +become aware seemed to make it the more urgent that she should +work undividedly in her friend's interest. + +It was in Bertha's interest, certainly, that she had despatched +Dorset to consult with Lawrence Selden. Once the grotesqueness of +the situation accepted, she had seen at a glance that it was the +safest in which Dorset could find himself. Who but Selden could +thus miraculously combine the skill to save Bertha with the +obligation of doing so? The consciousness that much skill would +be required made Lily rest thankfully in the greatness of the +obligation. Since he would HAVE to pull Bertha through she could +trust him to find a way; and she put the fulness of her trust in +the telegram she managed to send him on her way to the quay. + +Thus far, then, Lily felt that she had done well; and the +conviction strengthened her for the task that remained. She and +Bertha had never been on confidential terms, but at such a crisis +the barriers of reserve must surely fall: Dorset's wild allusions +to the scene of the morning made Lily feel that they were down +already, and that any attempt to rebuild them would be beyond +Bertha's strength. She pictured the poor creature shivering +behind her fallen defences and awaiting with suspense the moment +when she could take refuge in the first shelter that offered. If +only that shelter had not already offered itself elsewhere! As +the gig traversed the short distance between the quay and the +yacht, Lily grew more than ever alarmed at the possible +consequences of her long absence. What if the wretched Bertha, +finding in all the long hours no soul to turn to--but by this +time Lily's eager foot was on the side-ladder, and her first step +on the Sabrina showed the worst of her apprehensions to be +unfounded; for there, in the luxurious shade of the after-deck, +the wretched Bertha, in full command of her usual attenuated +elegance, sat dispensing tea to the Duchess of Beltshire and Lord +Hubert. + +The sight filled Lily with such surprise that she felt that +Bertha, at least, must read its meaning in her look, and she was +proportionately disconcerted by the blankness of the look +returned. But in an instant she saw that Mrs. Dorset had, of +necessity, to look blank before the others, and that, to mitigate +the effect of her own surprise, she must at once produce some +simple reason for it. The long habit of rapid transitions made it +easy for her to exclaim to the Duchess: "Why, I thought you'd +gone back to the Princess!" and this sufficed for the lady she +addressed, if it was hardly enough for Lord Hubert. + +At least it opened the way to a lively explanation of how the +Duchess was, in fact, going back the next moment, but had first +rushed out to the yacht for a word with Mrs. Dorset on the +subject of tomorrow's dinner--the dinner with the Brys, to which +Lord Hubert had finally insisted on dragging them. + +"To save my neck, you know!" he explained, with a glance that +appealed to Lily for some recognition of his promptness; and the +Duchess added, with her noble candour: "Mr. Bry has promised him +a tip, and he says if we go he'll pass it onto us." + +This led to some final pleasantries, in which, as it seemed to +Lily, Mrs. Dorset bore her part with astounding bravery, and at +the close of which Lord Hubert, from half way down the +side-ladder, called back, with an air of numbering heads: "And of +course we may count on Dorset too?" + +"Oh, count on him," his wife assented gaily. She was keeping up +well to the last--but as she turned back from waving her adieux +over the side, Lily said to herself that the mask must drop and +the soul of fear look out. + +Mrs. Dorset turned back slowly; perhaps she wanted time to steady +her muscles; at any rate, they were still under perfect control +when, dropping once more into her seat behind the tea-table, she +remarked to Miss Bart with a faint touch of irony: "I suppose I +ought to say good morning." + +If it was a cue, Lily was ready to take it, though with only the +vaguest sense of what was expected of her in return. There was +something unnerving in the contemplation of Mrs. Dorset's +composure, and she had to force the light tone in which she +answered: "I tried to see you this morning, but you were not yet +up." + +"No--I got to bed late. After we missed you at the station +I thought we ought to wait for you till the last train." +She spoke very gently, but with just the least tinge of reproach. + +"You missed us? You waited for us at the station?" Now indeed +Lily was too far adrift in bewilderment to measure the other's +words or keep watch on her own. "But I thought you didn't get to +the station till after the last train had left!" + +Mrs. Dorset, examining her between lowered lids, met this with +the immediate query: "Who told you that?" + +"George--I saw him just now in the gardens." + +"Ah, is that George's version? Poor George--he was in no state to +remember what I told him. He had one of his worst attacks this +morning, and I packed him off to see the doctor. Do you know if +he found him?" + +Lily, still lost in conjecture, made no reply, and Mrs. Dorset +settled herself indolently in her seat. "He'll wait to see him; +he was horribly frightened about himself. It's very bad for him +to be worried, and whenever anything upsetting happens, it always +brings on an attack." + +This time Lily felt sure that a cue was being pressed on her; but +it was put forth with such startling suddenness, and with so +incredible an air of ignoring what it led up to, that she could +only falter out doubtfully: "Anything upsetting?" + +"Yes--such as having you so conspicuously on his hands in the +small hours. You know, my dear, you're rather a big +responsibility in such a scandalous place after midnight." + +At that--at the complete unexpectedness and the inconceivable +audacity of it--Lily could not restrain the tribute of an +astonished laugh. + +"Well, really--considering it was you who burdened him with the +responsibility!" + +Mrs. Dorset took this with an exquisite mildness. "By not having +the superhuman cleverness to discover you in that frightful rush +for the train? Or the imagination to believe that you'd take it +without us--you and he all alone--instead of waiting quietly in +the station till we DID manage to meet you?" + +Lily's colour rose: it was growing clear to her that Bertha was +pursuing an object, following a line she had marked out for +herself. Only, with such a doom impending, why waste time in +these childish efforts to avert it? The puerility of the +attempt disarmed Lily's indignation: did it not prove how +horribly the poor creature was frightened? + +"No; by our simply all keeping together at Nice," she returned. + +"Keeping together? When it was you who seized the first +opportunity to rush off with the Duchess and her friends? My dear +Lily, you are not a child to be led by the hand!" + +"No--nor to be lectured, Bertha, really; if that's what you are +doing to me now." + +Mrs. Dorset smiled on her reproachfully. "Lecture you--I? Heaven +forbid! I was merely trying to give you a friendly hint. But it's +usually the other way round, isn't it? I'm expected to take +hints, not to give them: I've positively lived on them all these +last months." + +"Hints--from me to you?" Lily repeated. + +"Oh, negative ones merely--what not to be and to do and to see. +And I think I've taken them to admiration. Only, my dear, if +you'll let me say so, I didn't understand that one of my negative +duties was NOT to warn you when you carried your imprudence too +far." + +A chill of fear passed over Miss Bart: a sense of remembered +treachery that was like the gleam of a knife in the dusk. But +compassion, in a moment, got the better of her instinctive +recoil. What was this outpouring of senseless bitterness but the +tracked creature's attempt to cloud the medium through which it +was fleeing? It was on Lily's lips to exclaim: "You poor soul, +don't double and turn--come straight back to me, and we'll find a +way out!" But the words died under the impenetrable insolence of +Bertha's smile. Lily sat silent, taking the brunt of it quietly, +letting it spend itself on her to the last drop of its +accumulated falseness; then, without a word, she rose and went +down to her cabin. + + + +Chapter 3 + +Miss Bart's telegram caught Lawrence Selden at the door of his +hotel; and having read it, he turned back to wait for Dorset. The +message necessarily left large gaps for conjecture; but all that +he had recently heard and seen made these but too easy to fill +in. On the whole he was surprised; for though he had perceived +that the situation contained all the elements of an explosion, he +had often enough, in the range of his personal experience, seen +just such combinations subside into harmlessness. Still, Dorset's +spasmodic temper, and his wife's reckless disregard of +appearances, gave the situation a peculiar insecurity; and it was +less from the sense of any special relation to the case than from +a purely professional zeal, that Selden resolved to guide the +pair to safety. Whether, in the present instance, safety for +either lay in repairing so damaged a tie, it was no business of +his to consider: he had only, on general principles, to think of +averting a scandal, and his desire to avert it was increased by +his fear of its involving Miss Bart. There was nothing specific +in this apprehension; he merely wished to spare her the +embarrassment of being ever so remotely connected with the public +washing of the Dorset linen. + +How exhaustive and unpleasant such a process would be, he saw +even more vividly after his two hours' talk with poor Dorset. If +anything came out at all, it would be such a vast unpacking of +accumulated moral rags as left him, after his visitor had gone, +with the feeling that he must fling open the windows and have his +room swept out. But nothing should come out; and happily for his +side of the case, the dirty rags, however pieced together, could +not, without considerable difficulty, be turned into a +homogeneous grievance. The torn edges did not always fit--there +were missing bits, there were disparities of size and colour, all +of which it was naturally Selden's business to make the most of +in putting them under his client's eye. But to a man in Dorset's +mood the completest demonstration could not carry conviction, and +Selden saw that for the moment all he could do was to soothe and +temporize, to offer sympathy and to counsel prudence. He let +Dorset depart charged to the brim with the sense that, till +their next meeting, he must maintain a strictly noncommittal +attitude; that, in short, his share in the game consisted for the +present in looking on. Selden knew, however, that he could not +long keep such violences in equilibrium; and he promised to meet +Dorset, the next morning, at an hotel in Monte Carlo. Meanwhile +he counted not a little on the reaction of weakness and +self-distrust that, in such natures, follows on every unwonted +expenditure of moral force; and his telegraphic reply to Miss +Bart consisted simply in the injunction: "Assume that everything +is as usual." + +On this assumption, in fact, the early part of the following day +was lived through. Dorset, as if in obedience to Lily's +imperative bidding, had actually returned in time for a late +dinner on the yacht. The repast had been the most difficult +moment of the day. Dorset was sunk in one of the abysmal silences +which so commonly followed on what his wife called his "attacks" +that it was easy, before the servants, to refer it to this cause; +but Bertha herself seemed, perversely enough, little disposed to +make use of this obvious means of protection. She simply left the +brunt of the situation on her husband's hands, as if too absorbed +in a grievance of her own to suspect that she might be the object +of one herself. To Lily this attitude was the most ominous, +because the most perplexing, element in the situation. As she +tried to fan the weak flicker of talk, to build up, again and +again, the crumbling structure of "appearances," her own +attention was perpetually distracted by the question: "What on +earth can she be driving at?" There was something positively +exasperating in Bertha's attitude of isolated defiance. If only +she would have given her friend a hint they might still have +worked together successfully; but how could Lily be of use, while +she was thus obstinately shut out from participation? To be of +use was what she honestly wanted; and not for her own sake but +for the Dorsets'. She had not thought of her own situation at +all: she was simply engrossed in trying to put a little order in +theirs. But the close of the short dreary evening left her with a +sense of effort hopelessly wasted. She had not tried to see +Dorset alone: she had positively shrunk from a renewal of his +confidences. It was Bertha whose confidence she sought, and who +should as eagerly have invited her own; and Bertha, as if in the +infatuation of self-destruction, was actually pushing away her +rescuing hand. + +Lily, going to bed early, had left the couple to themselves; and +it seemed part of the general mystery in which she moved that +more than an hour should elapse before she heard Bertha walk down +the silent passage and regain her room. The morrow, rising on an +apparent continuance of the same conditions, revealed nothing of +what had occurred between the confronted pair. One fact alone +outwardly proclaimed the change they were all conspiring to +ignore; and that was the non-appearance of Ned Silverton. No one +referred to it, and this tacit avoidance of the subject kept it +in the immediate foreground of consciousness. But there was +another change, perceptible only to Lily; and that was that +Dorset now avoided her almost as pointedly as his wife. Perhaps +he was repenting his rash outpourings of the previous day; +perhaps only trying, in his clumsy way, to conform to Selden's +counsel to behave "as usual." Such instructions no more make for +easiness of attitude than the photographer's behest to "look +natural"; and in a creature as unconscious as poor Dorset of the +appearance he habitually presented, the struggle to maintain a +pose was sure to result in queer contortions. + +It resulted, at any rate, in throwing Lily strangely on her own +resources. She had learned, on leaving her room, that Mrs. Dorset +was still invisible, and that Dorset had left the yacht early; +and feeling too restless to remain alone, she too had herself +ferried ashore. Straying toward the Casino, she attached herself +to a group of acquaintances from Nice, with whom she lunched, and +in whose company she was returning to the rooms when she +encountered Selden crossing the square. She could not, at the +moment, separate herself definitely from her party, who had +hospitably assumed that she would remain with them till they took +their departure; but she found time for a momentary pause of +enquiry, to which he promptly returned: "I've seen him +again--he's just left me." + +She waited before him anxiously. "Well? what has happened? What +WILL happen?" + +"Nothing as yet--and nothing in the future, I think." + +"It's over, then? It's settled? You're sure?" + +He smiled. "Give me time. I'm not sure--but I'm a good deal +surer." And with that she had to content herself, and hasten on +to the expectant group on the steps. + +Selden had in fact given her the utmost measure of his sureness, +had even stretched it a shade to meet the anxiety in her eyes. +And now, as he turned away, strolling down the hill toward the +station, that anxiety remained with him as the visible +justification of his own. It was not, indeed, anything specific +that he feared: there had been a literal truth in his declaration +that he did not think anything would happen. What troubled him +was that, though Dorset's attitude had perceptibly changed, the +change was not clearly to be accounted for. It had certainly not +been produced by Selden's arguments, or by the action of his own +soberer reason. Five minutes' talk sufficed to show that some +alien influence had been at work, and that it had not so much +subdued his resentment as weakened his will, so that he moved +under it in a state of apathy, like a dangerous lunatic who has +been drugged. Temporarily, no doubt, however exerted, it worked +for the general safety: the question was how long it would last, +and by what kind of reaction it was likely to be followed. On +these points Selden could gain no light; for he saw that one +effect of the transformation had been to shut him off from free +communion with Dorset. The latter, indeed, was still moved by the +irresistible desire to discuss his wrong; but, though he revolved +about it with the same forlorn tenacity, Selden was aware that +something always restrained him from full expression. His state +was one to produce first weariness and then impatience in his +hearer; and when their talk was over, Selden began to feel that +he had done his utmost, and might justifiably wash his hands of +the sequel. + +It was in this mind that he had been making his way back to the +station when Miss Bart crossed his path; but though, after his +brief word with her, he kept mechanically on his course, he was +conscious of a gradual change in his purpose. The change had been +produced by the look in her eyes; and in his eagerness to define +the nature of that look, he dropped into a seat in the gardens, +and sat brooding upon the question. It was natural enough, in all +conscience, that she should appear anxious: a young woman +placed, in the close intimacy of a yachting-cruise, between a +couple on the verge of disaster, could hardly, aside from her +concern for her friends, be insensible to the awkwardness of her +own position. The worst of it was that, in interpreting Miss +Bart's state of mind, so many alternative readings were possible; +and one of these, in Selden's troubled mind, took the ugly form +suggested by Mrs. Fisher. If the girl was afraid, was she afraid +for herself or for her friends? And to what degree was her dread +of a catastrophe intensified by the sense of being fatally +involved in it? The burden of offence lying manifestly with Mrs. +Dorset, this conjecture seemed on the face of it gratuitously +unkind; but Selden knew that in the most one-sided matrimonial +quarrel there are generally counter-charges to be brought, and +that they are brought with the greater audacity where the +original grievance is so emphatic. Mrs. Fisher had not hesitated +to suggest the likelihood of Dorset's marrying Miss Bart if +"anything happened"; and though Mrs. Fisher's conclusions were +notoriously rash, she was shrewd enough in reading the signs from +which they were drawn. Dorset had apparently shown marked +interest in the girl, and this interest might be used to cruel +advantage in his wife's struggle for rehabilitation. Selden knew +that Bertha would fight to the last round of powder: the rashness +of her conduct was illogically combined with a cold determination +to escape its consequences. She could be as unscrupulous in +fighting for herself as she was reckless in courting danger, and +whatever came to her hand at such moments was likely to be used +as a defensive missile. He did not, as yet, see clearly just what +course she was likely to take, but his perplexity increased his +apprehension, and with it the sense that, before leaving, he must +speak again with Miss Bart. Whatever her share in the +situation--and he had always honestly tried to resist judging her +by her surroundings--however free she might be from any personal +connection with it, she would be better out of the way of a +possible crash; and since she had appealed to him for help, it +was clearly his business to tell her so. + +This decision at last brought him to his feet, and carried him +back to the gambling rooms, within whose doors he had seen her +disappearing; but a prolonged exploration of the crowd +failed to put him on her traces. He saw instead, to his surprise, +Ned Silverton loitering somewhat ostentatiously about the tables; +and the discovery that this actor in the drama was not only +hovering in the wings, but actually inviting the exposure of the +footlights, though it might have seemed to imply that all peril +was over, served rather to deepen Selden's sense of foreboding. +Charged with this impression he returned to the square, hoping to +see Miss Bart move across it, as every one in Monte Carlo seemed +inevitably to do at least a dozen times a day; but here again he +waited vainly for a glimpse of her, and the conclusion was slowly +forced on him that she had gone back to the Sabrina. It would be +difficult to follow her there, and still more difficult, should +he do so, to contrive the opportunity for a private word; and he +had almost decided on the unsatisfactory alternative of writing, +when the ceaseless diorama of the square suddenly unrolled before +him the figures of Lord Hubert and Mrs. Bry. + +Hailing them at once with his question, he learned from Lord +Hubert that Miss Bart had just returned to the Sabrina in +Dorset's company; an announcement so evidently disconcerting to +him that Mrs. Bry, after a glance from her companion, which +seemed to act like the pressure on a spring, brought forth the +prompt proposal that he should come and meet his friends at +dinner that evening--"At Becassin's--a little dinner to the +Duchess," she flashed out before Lord Hubert had time to remove +the pressure. + +Selden's sense of the privilege of being included in such company +brought him early in the evening to the door of the restaurant, +where he paused to scan the ranks of diners approaching down the +brightly lit terrace. There, while the Brys hovered within over +the last agitating alternatives of the MENU, he kept watch for +the guests from the Sabrina, who at length rose on the horizon in +company with the Duchess, Lord and Lady Skiddaw and the Stepneys. +From this group it was easy for him to detach Miss Bart on the +pretext of a moment's glance into one of the brilliant shops +along the terrace, and to say to her, while they lingered +together in the white dazzle of a jeweller's window: "I stopped +over to see you--to beg of you to leave the yacht." + +The eyes she turned on him showed a quick gleam of her former +fear. "To leave--? What do you mean? What has happened?" + +"Nothing. But if anything should, why be in the way of it?" + +The glare from the jeweller's window, deepening the pallour of +her face, gave to its delicate lines the sharpness of a tragic +mask. "Nothing will, I am sure; but while there's even a doubt +left, how can you think I would leave Bertha?" + +The words rang out on a note of contempt--was it possibly of +contempt for himself? Well, he was willing to risk its renewal to +the extent of insisting, with an undeniable throb of added +interest: "You have yourself to think of, you know--" to which, +with a strange fall of sadness in her voice, she answered, +meeting his eyes: "If you knew how little difference that makes!" + +"Oh, well, nothing WILL happen," he said, more for his own +reassurance than for hers; and "Nothing, nothing, of course!" she +valiantly assented, as they turned to overtake their companions. + +In the thronged restaurant, taking their places about Mrs. Bry's +illuminated board, their confidence seemed to gain support from +the familiarity of their surroundings. Here were Dorset and his +wife once more presenting their customary faces to the world, she +engrossed in establishing her relation with an intensely new +gown, he shrinking with dyspeptic dread from the multiplied +solicitations of the MENU. The mere fact that they thus showed +themselves together, with the utmost openness the place afforded, +seemed to declare beyond a doubt that their differences were +composed. How this end had been attained was still matter for +wonder, but it was clear that for the moment Miss Bart rested +confidently in the result; and Selden tried to achieve the same +view by telling himself that her opportunities for observation +had been ampler than his own. + +Meanwhile, as the dinner advanced through a labyrinth of courses, +in which it became clear that Mrs. Bry had occasionally broken +away from Lord Hubert's restraining hand, Selden's general +watchfulness began to lose itself in a particular study of Miss +Bart. It was one of the days when she was so handsome +that to be handsome was enough, and all the rest--her grace, her +quickness, her social felicities--seemed the overflow of a +bounteous nature. But what especially struck him was the way in +which she detached herself, by a hundred undefinable shades, from +the persons who most abounded in her own style. It was in just +such company, the fine flower and complete expression of the +state she aspired to, that the differences came out with special +poignancy, her grace cheapening the other women's smartness as +her finely-discriminated silences made their chatter dull. The +strain of the last hours had restored to her face the deeper +eloquence which Selden had lately missed in it, and the bravery +of her words to him still fluttered in her voice and eyes. Yes, +she was matchless--it was the one word for her; and he could give +his admiration the freer play because so little personal feeling +remained in it. His real detachment from her had taken place, not +at the lurid moment of disenchantment, but now, in the sober +after-light of discrimination, where he saw her definitely +divided from him by the crudeness of a choice which seemed to +deny the very differences he felt in her. It was before him again +in its completeness--the choice in which she was content to rest: +in the stupid costliness of the food and the showy dulness of the +talk, in the freedom of speech which never arrived at wit and the +freedom of act which never made for romance. The strident setting +of the restaurant, in which their table seemed set apart in a +special glare of publicity, and the presence at it of little +Dabham of the "Riviera Notes," emphasized the ideals of a world +where conspicuousness passed for distinction, and the society +column had become the roll of fame. + +It was as the immortalizer of such occasions that little Dabham, +wedged in modest watchfulness between two brilliant neighbours, +suddenly became the centre of Selden's scrutiny. How much did he +know of what was going on, and how much, for his purpose, was +still worth finding out? His little eyes were like tentacles +thrown out to catch the floating intimations with which, to +Selden, the air at moments seemed thick; then again it cleared to +its normal emptiness, and he could see nothing in it for the +journalist but leisure to note the elegance of the ladies' gowns. +Mrs. Dorset's, in particular, challenged all the wealth +of Mr. Dabham's vocabulary: it had surprises and subtleties +worthy of what he would have called "the literary style." At +first, as Selden had noticed, it had been almost too preoccupying +to its wearer; but now she was in full command of it, and was +even producing her effects with unwonted freedom. Was she not, +indeed, too free, too fluent, for perfect naturalness? And was +not Dorset, to whom his glance had passed by a natural +transition, too jerkily wavering between the same extremes? +Dorset indeed was always jerky; but it seemed to Selden that +tonight each vibration swung him farther from his centre. + +The dinner, meanwhile, was moving to its triumphant close, to the +evident satisfaction of Mrs. Bry, who, throned in apoplectic +majesty between Lord Skiddaw and Lord Hubert, seemed in spirit to +be calling on Mrs. Fisher to witness her achievement. Short of +Mrs. Fisher her audience might have been called complete; for the +restaurant was crowded with persons mainly gathered there for the +purpose of spectatorship, and accurately posted as to the names +and faces of the celebrities they had come to see. Mrs. Bry, +conscious that all her feminine guests came under that heading, +and that each one looked her part to admiration, shone on Lily +with all the pent-up gratitude that Mrs. Fisher had failed to +deserve. Selden, catching the glance, wondered what part Miss +Bart had played in organizing the entertainment. She did, at +least, a great deal to adorn it; and as he watched the bright +security with which she bore herself, he smiled to think that he +should have fancied her in need of help. Never had she appeared +more serenely mistress of the situation than when, at the moment +of dispersal, detaching herself a little from the group about the +table, she turned with a smile and a graceful slant of the +shoulders to receive her cloak from Dorset. + +The dinner had been protracted over Mr. Bry's exceptional cigars +and a bewildering array of liqueurs, and many of the other tables +were empty; but a sufficient number of diners still lingered to +give relief to the leave-taking of Mrs. Bry's distinguished +guests. This ceremony was drawn out and complicated by the fact +that it involved, on the part of the Duchess and Lady Skiddaw, +definite farewells, and pledges of speedy reunion in Paris, where +they were to pause and replenish their wardrobes on the way to +England. The quality of Mrs. Bry's hospitality, and of the tips +her husband had presumably imparted, lent to the manner of the +English ladies a general effusiveness which shed the rosiest +light over their hostess's future. In its glow Mrs. Dorset and +the Stepneys were also visibly included, and the whole scene had +touches of intimacy worth their weight in gold to the watchful +pen of Mr. Dabham. + +A glance at her watch caused the Duchess to exclaim to her sister +that they had just time to dash for their train, and the flurry +of this departure over, the Stepneys, who had their motor at the +door, offered to convey the Dorsets and Miss Bart to the quay. +The offer was accepted, and Mrs. Dorset moved away with her +husband in attendance. Miss Bart had lingered for a last word +with Lord Hubert, and Stepney, on whom Mr. Bry was pressing a +final, and still more expensive, cigar, called out: "Come on, +Lily, if you're going back to the yacht." + +Lily turned to obey; but as she did so, Mrs. Dorset, who had +paused on her way out, moved a few steps back toward the table. + +"Miss Bart is not going back to the yacht," she said in a voice +of singular distinctness. + +A startled look ran from eye to eye; Mrs. Bry crimsoned to the +verge of congestion, Mrs. Stepney slipped nervously behind her +husband, and Selden, in the general turmoil of his sensations, +was mainly conscious of a longing to grip Dabham by the collar +and fling him out into the street. + +Dorset, meanwhile, had stepped back to his wife's side. His face +was white, and he looked about him with cowed angry eyes. +"Bertha!--Miss Bart . . . this is some misunderstanding . . . +some mistake . . ." + +"Miss Bart remains here," his wife rejoined incisively. "And, I +think, George, we had better not detain Mrs. Stepney any longer." + +Miss Bart, during this brief exchange of words, remained in +admirable erectness, slightly isolated from the embarrassed group +about her. She had paled a little under the shock of the insult, +but the discomposure of the surrounding faces was not reflected +in her own. The faint disdain of her smile seemed to lift +her high above her antagonist's reach, and it was not till she +had given Mrs. Dorset the full measure of the distance between +them that she turned and extended her hand to her hostess. + +"I am joining the Duchess tomorrow," she explained, "and it +seemed easier for me to remain on shore for the night." + +She held firmly to Mrs. Bry's wavering eye while she gave this +explanation, but when it was over Selden saw her send a tentative +glance from one to another of the women's faces. She read their +incredulity in their averted looks, and in the mute wretchedness +of the men behind them, and for a miserable half-second he +thought she quivered on the brink of failure. Then, turning to +him with an easy gesture, and the pale bravery of her recovered +smile--"Dear Mr. Selden," she said, "you promised to see me to my +cab." + + + +Outside, the sky was gusty and overcast, and as Lily and Selden +moved toward the deserted gardens below the restaurant, spurts of +warm rain blew fitfully against their faces. The fiction of the +cab had been tacitly abandoned; they walked on in silence, her +hand on his arm, till the deeper shade of the gardens received +them, and pausing beside a bench, he said: "Sit down a moment." + +She dropped to the seat without answering, but the electric lamp +at the bend of the path shed a gleam on the struggling misery of +her face. Selden sat down beside her, waiting for her to speak, +fearful lest any word he chose should touch too roughly on her +wound, and kept also from free utterance by the wretched doubt +which had slowly renewed itself within him. What had brought her +to this pass? What weakness had placed her so abominably at her +enemy's mercy? And why should Bertha Dorset have turned into an +enemy at the very moment when she so obviously needed the support +of her sex? Even while his nerves raged at the subjection of husbands +to their wives, and at the cruelty of women to their kind, +reason obstinately harped on the proverbial relation between +smoke and fire. The memory of Mrs. Fisher's hints, and the +corroboration of his own impressions, while they deepened his pity +also increased his constraint, since, whichever way he sought a free +outlet for sympathy, it was blocked by the fear of committing a blunder. + +Suddenly it struck him that his silence must seem almost as +accusatory as that of the men he had despised for turning from +her; but before he could find the fitting word she had cut him +short with a question. + +"Do you know of a quiet hotel? I can send for my maid in the +morning." + +"An hotel--HERE--that you can go to alone? It's not possible." + +She met this with a pale gleam of her old playfulness. "What IS, +then? It's too wet to sleep in the gardens." + +"But there must be some one---" + +"Some one to whom I can go? Of course--any number--but at THIS +hour? You see my change of plan was rather sudden---" + +"Good God--if you'd listened to me!" he cried, venting his +helplessness in a burst of anger. + +She still held him off with the gentle mockery of her smile. "But +haven't I?" she rejoined. "You advised me to leave the yacht, and +I'm leaving it." + +He saw then, with a pang of self-reproach, that she meant neither +to explain nor to defend herself; that by his miserable silence +he had forfeited all chance of helping her, and that the decisive +hour was past. + +She had risen, and stood before him in a kind of clouded majesty, +like some deposed princess moving tranquilly to exile. + +"Lily!" he exclaimed, with a note of despairing appeal; but--"Oh, +not now," she gently admonished him; and then, in all the +sweetness of her recovered composure: "Since I must find shelter +somewhere, and since you're so kindly here to help me---" + +He gathered himself up at the challenge. "You will do as I tell +you? There's but one thing, then; you must go straight to your +cousins, the Stepneys." + +"Oh--" broke from her with a movement of instinctive resistance; +but he insisted: "Come--it's late, and you must appear to have +gone there directly." + +He had drawn her hand into his arm, but she held him back with a +last gesture of protest. "I can't--I can't--not that--you don't +know Gwen: you mustn't ask me!" + +"I MUST ask you--you must obey me," he persisted, though infected +at heart by her own fear. + +Her voice sank to a whisper: "And if she refuses?"--but, "Oh, +trust me--trust me!" he could only insist in return; and yielding +to his touch, she let him lead her back in silence to the edge of +the square. + +In the cab they continued to remain silent through the brief +drive which carried them to the illuminated portals of the +Stepneys' hotel. Here he left her outside, in the darkness of the +raised hood, while his name was sent up to Stepney, and he paced +the showy hall, awaiting the latter's descent. Ten minutes later +the two men passed out together between the gold-laced custodians +of the threshold; but in the vestibule Stepney drew up with a +last flare of reluctance. + +"It's understood, then?" he stipulated nervously, with his hand +on Selden's arm. "She leaves tomorrow by the early train--and my +wife's asleep, and can't be disturbed." + + + +Chapter 4 + +The blinds of Mrs. Peniston's drawing-room were drawn down +against the oppressive June sun, and in the sultry twilight the +faces of her assembled relatives took on a fitting shadow of +bereavement. They were all there: Van Alstynes, Stepneys and +Melsons--even a stray Peniston or two, indicating, by a greater +latitude in dress and manner, the fact of remoter relationship +and more settled hopes. The Peniston side was, in fact, secure in +the knowledge that the bulk of Mr. Peniston's property "went +back"; while the direct connection hung suspended on the disposal +of his widow's private fortune and on the uncertainty of its +extent. Jack Stepney, in his new character as the richest nephew, +tacitly took the lead, emphasizing his importance by the deeper +gloss of his mourning and the subdued authority of his manner; +while his wife's bored attitude and frivolous gown proclaimed the +heiress's disregard of the insignificant interests at stake. Old +Ned Van Alstyne, seated next to her in a coat that made +affliction dapper, twirled his white moustache to conceal the +eager twitch of his lips; and Grace Stepney, red-nosed and +smelling of crape, whispered emotionally to Mrs. Herbert Melson: +"I couldn't BEAR to see the Niagara anywhere else!" + +A rustle of weeds and quick turning of heads hailed the opening +of the door, and Lily Bart appeared, tall and noble in her black +dress, with Gerty Farish at her side. The women's faces, as she +paused interrogatively on the threshold, were a study in +hesitation. One or two made faint motions of recognition, which +might have been subdued either by the solemnity of the scene, or +by the doubt as to how far the others meant to go; Mrs. Jack +Stepney gave a careless nod, and Grace Stepney, with a sepulchral +gesture, indicated a seat at her side. But Lily, ignoring the +invitation, as well as Jack Stepney's official attempt to direct +her, moved across the room with her smooth free gait, and seated +herself in a chair which seemed to have been purposely placed +apart from the others. + +It was the first time that she had faced her family since her +return from Europe, two weeks earlier; but if she perceived +any uncertainty in their welcome, it served only to add a tinge +of irony to the usual composure of her bearing. The shock of +dismay with which, on the dock, she had heard from Gerty Farish +of Mrs. Peniston's sudden death, had been mitigated, almost at +once, by the irrepressible thought that now, at last, she would +be able to pay her debts. She had looked forward with +considerable uneasiness to her first encounter with her aunt. +Mrs. Peniston had vehemently opposed her niece's departure with +the Dorsets, and had marked her continued disapproval by not +writing during Lily's absence. The certainty that she had heard +of the rupture with the Dorsets made the prospect of the meeting +more formidable; and how should Lily have repressed a quick sense +of relief at the thought that, instead of undergoing the +anticipated ordeal, she had only to enter gracefully on a +long-assured inheritance? It had been, in the consecrated phrase, +"always understood" that Mrs. Peniston was to provide handsomely +for her niece; and in the latter's mind the understanding had +long since crystallized into fact. + +"She gets everything, of course--I don't see what we're here +for," Mrs. Jack Stepney remarked with careless loudness to Ned +Van Alstyne; and the latter's deprecating murmur--"Julia was +always a just woman"--might have been interpreted as signifying +either acquiescence or doubt. + +"Well, it's only about four hundred thousand," Mrs. Stepney +rejoined with a yawn; and Grace Stepney, in the silence produced +by the lawyer's preliminary cough, was heard to sob out: "They +won't find a towel missing--I went over them with her the very +day---" + +Lily, oppressed by the close atmosphere, and the stifling odour +of fresh mourning, felt her attention straying as Mrs. Peniston's +lawyer, solemnly erect behind the Buhl table at the end of the +room, began to rattle through the preamble of the will. + +"It's like being in church," she reflected, wondering vaguely +where Gwen Stepney had got such an awful hat. Then she noticed +how stout Jack had grown--he would soon be almost as plethoric as +Herbert Melson, who sat a few feet off, breathing puffily as he +leaned his black-gloved hands on his stick. + +"I wonder why rich people always grow fat--I suppose it's because +there's nothing to worry them. If I inherit, I shall have to be +careful of my figure," she mused, while the lawyer droned on +through a labyrinth of legacies. The servants came first, then a +few charitable institutions, then several remoter Melsons and +Stepneys, who stirred consciously as their names rang out, and +then subsided into a state of impassiveness befitting the +solemnity of the occasion. Ned Van Alstyne, Jack Stepney, and a +cousin or two followed, each coupled with the mention of a few +thousands: Lily wondered that Grace Stepney was not among them. +Then she heard her own name--"to my niece Lily Bart ten thousand +dollars--" and after that the lawyer again lost himself in a coil +of unintelligible periods, from which the concluding phrase +flashed out with startling distinctness: "and the residue of my +estate to my dear cousin and name-sake, Grace Julia Stepney." + +There was a subdued gasp of surprise, a rapid turning of heads, +and a surging of sable figures toward the corner in which Miss +Stepney wailed out her sense of unworthiness through the crumpled +ball of a black-edged handkerchief. + +Lily stood apart from the general movement, feeling herself for +the first time utterly alone. No one looked at her, no one seemed +aware of her presence; she was probing the very depths of +insignificance. And under her sense of the collective +indifference came the acuter pang of hopes deceived. +Disinherited--she had been disinherited--and for Grace Stepney! +She met Gerty's lamentable eyes, fixed on her in a despairing +effort at consolation, and the look brought her to herself. There +was something to be done before she left the house: to be done +with all the nobility she knew how to put into such gestures. She +advanced to the group about Miss Stepney, and holding out her +hand said simply: "Dear Grace, I am so glad." + +The other ladies had fallen back at her approach, and a space +created itself about her. It widened as she turned to go, and no +one advanced to fill it up. She paused a moment, glancing about +her, calmly taking the measure of her situation. She heard some +one ask a question about the date of the will; she caught a +fragment of the lawyer's answer--something about a sudden +summons, and an "earlier instrument." Then the tide of dispersal +began to drift past her; Mrs. Jack Stepney and Mrs. Herbert Melson +stood on the doorstep awaiting their motor; a sympathizing group +escorted Grace Stepney to the cab it was felt to be fitting she +should take, though she lived but a street or two away; and +Miss Bart and Gerty found themselves almost alone in the purple +drawing-room, which more than ever, in its stuffy dimness, +resembled a well-kept family vault, in which the last corpse had +just been decently deposited. + + + +In Gerty Farish's sitting-room, whither a hansom had carried the +two friends, Lily dropped into a chair with a faint sound of +laughter: it struck her as a humorous coincidence that her aunt's +legacy should so nearly represent the amount of her debt to +Trenor. The need of discharging that debt had reasserted itself +with increased urgency since her return to America, and she spoke +her first thought in saying to the anxiously hovering Gerty: "I +wonder when the legacies will be paid." + +But Miss Farish could not pause over the legacies; she broke into +a larger indignation. "Oh, Lily, it's unjust; it's cruel--Grace +Stepney must FEEL she has no right to all that money!" + +"Any one who knew how to please Aunt Julia has a right to her +money," Miss Bart rejoined philosophically. + +"But she was devoted to you--she led every one to think--" Gerty +checked herself in evident embarrassment, and Miss Bart turned to +her with a direct look. "Gerty, be honest: this will was made +only six weeks ago. She had heard of my break with the Dorsets?" + +"Every one heard, of course, that there had been some +disagreement--some misunderstanding---" + +"Did she hear that Bertha turned me off the yacht?" + +"Lily!" + +"That was what happened, you know. She said I was trying to marry +George Dorset. She did it to make him think she was jealous. +Isn't that what she told Gwen Stepney?" + +"I don't know--I don't listen to such horrors." + +"I MUST listen to them--I must know where I stand." She paused, +and again sounded a faint note of derision. "Did you +notice the women? They were afraid to snub me while they thought +I was going to get the money--afterward they scuttled off as if I +had the plague." Gerty remained silent, and she continued: "I +stayed on to see what would happen. They took their cue from Gwen +Stepney and Lulu Melson--I saw them watching to see what Gwen +would do.--Gerty, I must know just what is being said of me." + +"I tell you I don't listen---" + +"One hears such things without listening." She rose and laid her +resolute hands on Miss Farish's shoulders. "Gerty, are people +going to cut me?" + +"Your FRIENDS, Lily--how can you think it?" + +"Who are one's friends at such a time? Who, but you, you poor +trustful darling? And heaven knows what YOU suspect me of!" She +kissed Gerty with a whimsical murmur. "You'd never let it make +any difference--but then you're fond of criminals, Gerty! How +about the irreclaimable ones, though? For I'm absolutely +impenitent, you know." + +She drew herself up to the full height of her slender majesty, +towering like some dark angel of defiance above the troubled +Gerty, who could only falter out: "Lily, Lily--how can you laugh +about such things?" + +"So as not to weep, perhaps. But no--I'm not of the tearful +order. I discovered early that crying makes my nose red, and the +knowledge has helped me through several painful episodes." She +took a restless turn about the room, and then, reseating herself, +lifted the bright mockery of her eyes to Gerty's anxious +countenance. + +"I shouldn't have minded, you know, if I'd got the money--" and +at Miss Farish's protesting "Oh!" she repeated calmly: "Not a +straw, my dear; for, in the first place, they wouldn't have quite +dared to ignore me; and if they had, it wouldn't have mattered, +because I should have been independent of them. But now--!" The +irony faded from her eyes, and she bent a clouded face upon her +friend. + +"How can you talk so, Lily? Of course the money ought to have +been yours, but after all that makes no difference. The important +thing---" Gerty paused, and then continued firmly: "The important +thing is that you should clear yourself--should tell your friends +the whole truth." + +"The whole truth?" Miss Bart laughed. "What is truth? Where a +woman is concerned, it's the story that's easiest to believe. In +this case it's a great deal easier to believe Bertha Dorset's +story than mine, because she has a big house and an opera box, +and it's convenient to be on good terms with her." + +Miss Farish still fixed her with an anxious gaze. "But what IS +your story, Lily? I don't believe any one knows it yet." + +"My story?--I don't believe I know it myself. You see I never +thought of preparing a version in advance as Bertha did--and if I +had, I don't think I should take the trouble to use it now." + +But Gerty continued with her quiet reasonableness: "I don't want +a version prepared in advance--but I want you to tell me exactly +what happened from the beginning." + +"From the beginning?" Miss Bart gently mimicked her. "Dear Gerty, +how little imagination you good people have! Why, the beginning +was in my cradle, I suppose--in the way I was brought up, and the +things I was taught to care for. Or no--I won't blame anybody for +my faults: I'll say it was in my blood, that I got it from some +wicked pleasure-loving ancestress, who reacted against the homely +virtues of New Amsterdam, and wanted to be back at the court of +the Charleses!" And as Miss Farish continued to press her with +troubled eyes, she went on impatiently: "You asked me just now +for the truth--well, the truth about any girl is that once she's +talked about she's done for; and the more she explains her case +the worse it looks.--My good Gerty, you don't happen to have a +cigarette about you?" + + + +In her stuffy room at the hotel to which she had gone on landing, +Lily Bart that evening reviewed her situation. It was the last +week in June, and none of her friends were in town. The few +relatives who had stayed on, or returned, for the reading of Mrs. +Peniston's will, had taken flight again that afternoon to Newport +or Long Island; and not one of them had made any proffer of +hospitality to Lily. For the first time in her life she found +herself utterly alone except for Gerty Farish. Even at the actual +moment of her break with the Dorsets she had not had so keen a +sense of its consequences, for the Duchess of Beltshire, +hearing of the catastrophe from Lord Hubert, had instantly +offered her protection, and under her sheltering wing Lily had +made an almost triumphant progress to London. There she had been +sorely tempted to linger on in a society which asked of her only +to amuse and charm it, without enquiring too curiously how she +had acquired her gift for doing so; but Selden, before they +parted, had pressed on her the urgent need of returning at once +to her aunt, and Lord Hubert, when he presently reappeared in +London, abounded in the same counsel. Lily did not need to be +told that the Duchess's championship was not the best road to +social rehabilitation, and as she was besides aware that her +noble defender might at any moment drop her in favour of a new +PROTEGEE, she reluctantly decided to return to America. But she +had not been ten minutes on her native shore before she realized +that she had delayed too long to regain it. The Dorsets, the +Stepneys, the Brys--all the actors and witnesses in the miserable +drama--had preceded her with their version of the case; and, even +had she seen the least chance of gaining a hearing for her own, +some obscure disdain and reluctance would have restrained her. +She knew it was not by explanations and counter-charges that she +could ever hope to recover her lost standing; but even had she +felt the least trust in their efficacy, she would still have been +held back by the feeling which had kept her from defending +herself to Gerty Farish--a feeling that was half pride and half +humiliation. For though she knew she had been ruthlessly +sacrificed to Bertha Dorset's determination to win back her +husband, and though her own relation to Dorset had been that of +the merest good-fellowship, yet she had been perfectly aware from +the outset that her part in the affair was, as Carry Fisher +brutally put it, to distract Dorset's attention from his wife. +That was what she was "there for": it was the price she had +chosen to pay for three months of luxury and freedom from care. +Her habit of resolutely facing the facts, in her rare moments of +introspection, did not now allow her to put any false gloss on +the situation. She had suffered for the very faithfulness with +which she had carried out her part of the tacit compact, but the +part was not a handsome one at best, and she saw it now in all +the ugliness of failure. + +She saw, too, in the same uncompromising light, the train of +consequences resulting from that failure; and these became +clearer to her with every day of her weary lingering in town. She +stayed on partly for the comfort of Gerty Farish's nearness, and +partly for lack of knowing where to go. She understood well +enough the nature of the task before her. She must set out to +regain, little by little, the position she had lost; and the +first step in the tedious task was to find out, as soon as +possible, on how many of her friends she could count. Her hopes +were mainly centred on Mrs. Trenor, who had treasures of +easy-going tolerance for those who were amusing or useful to her, +and in the noisy rush of whose existence the still small voice of +detraction was slow to make itself heard. But Judy, though she +must have been apprised of Miss Bart's return, had not even +recognized it by the formal note of condolence which her friend's +bereavement demanded. Any advance on Lily's side might have been +perilous: there was nothing to do but to trust to the happy +chance of an accidental meeting, and Lily knew that, even so late +in the season, there was always a hope of running across her +friends in their frequent passages through town. + +To this end she assiduously showed herself at the restaurants +they frequented, where, attended by the troubled Gerty, she +lunched luxuriously, as she said, on her expectations. + +"My dear Gerty, you wouldn't have me let the head-waiter see that +I've nothing to live on but Aunt Julia's legacy? Think of Grace +Stepney's satisfaction if she came in and found us lunching on +cold mutton and tea! What sweet shall we have today, dear--COUPE +JACQUES or PECHES A LA MELBA?" + +She dropped the MENU abruptly, with a quick heightening of +colour, and Gerty, following her glance, was aware of the +advance, from an inner room, of a party headed by Mrs. Trenor and +Carry Fisher. It was impossible for these ladies and their +companions--among whom Lily had at once distinguished both Trenor +and Rosedale--not to pass, in going out, the table at which the +two girls were seated; and Gerty's sense of the fact betrayed +itself in the helpless trepidation of her manner. Miss Bart, on +the contrary, borne forward on the wave of her buoyant grace, and +neither shrinking from her friends nor appearing to lie in wait +for them, gave to the encounter the touch of naturalness +which she could impart to the most strained situations. Such +embarrassment as was shown was on Mrs. Trenor's side, and +manifested itself in the mingling of exaggerated warmth with +imperceptible reservations. Her loudly affirmed pleasure at +seeing Miss Bart took the form of a nebulous generalization, +which included neither enquiries as to her future nor the +expression of a definite wish to see her again. Lily, well-versed +in the language of these omissions, knew that they were equally +intelligible to the other members of the party: even Rosedale, +flushed as he was with the importance of keeping such company, at +once took the temperature of Mrs. Trenor's cordiality, and +reflected it in his off-hand greeting of Miss Bart. Trenor, red +and uncomfortable, had cut short his salutations on the pretext +of a word to say to the head-waiter; and the rest of the group +soon melted away in Mrs. Trenor's wake. + +It was over in a moment--the waiter, MENU in hand, still hung on +the result of the choice between COUPE JACQUES and PECHES A LA +MELBA--but Miss Bart, in the interval, had taken the measure of +her fate. Where Judy Trenor led, all the world would follow; and +Lily had the doomed sense of the castaway who has signalled in +vain to fleeing sails. + +In a flash she remembered Mrs. Trenor's complaints of Carry +Fisher's rapacity, and saw that they denoted an unexpected +acquaintance with her husband's private affairs. In the large +tumultuous disorder of the life at Bellomont, where no one seemed +to have time to observe any one else, and private aims and +personal interests were swept along unheeded in the rush of +collective activities, Lily had fancied herself sheltered from +inconvenient scrutiny; but if Judy knew when Mrs. Fisher borrowed +money of her husband, was she likely to ignore the same +transaction on Lily's part? If she was careless of his affections +she was plainly jealous of his pocket; and in that fact Lily read +the explanation of her rebuff. The immediate result of these +conclusions was the passionate resolve to pay back her debt to +Trenor. That obligation discharged, she would have but a thousand +dollars of Mrs. Peniston's legacy left, and nothing to live on +but her own small income, which was considerably less than Gerty +Farish's wretched pittance; but this consideration gave way to +the imperative claim of her wounded pride. She must be +quits with the Trenors first; after that she would take thought +for the future. + +In her ignorance of legal procrastinations she had supposed that +her legacy would be paid over within a few days of the reading of +her aunt's will; and after an interval of anxious suspense, she +wrote to enquire the cause of the delay. There was another +interval before Mrs. Peniston's lawyer, who was also one of the +executors, replied to the effect that, some questions having +arisen relative to the interpretation of the will, he and his +associates might not be in a position to pay the legacies till +the close of the twelvemonth legally allotted for their +settlement. Bewildered and indignant, Lily resolved to try the +effect of a personal appeal; but she returned from her expedition +with a sense of the powerlessness of beauty and charm against the +unfeeling processes of the law. It seemed intolerable to live on +for another year under the weight of her debt; and in her +extremity she decided to turn to Miss Stepney, who still lingered +in town, immersed in the delectable duty of "going over" her +benefactress's effects. It was bitter enough for Lily to ask a +favour of Grace Stepney, but the alternative was bitterer still; +and one morning she presented herself at Mrs. Peniston's, where +Grace, for the facilitation of her pious task, had taken up a +provisional abode. + +The strangeness of entering as a suppliant the house where she +had so long commanded, increased Lily's desire to shorten the +ordeal; and when Miss Stepney entered the darkened drawing-room, +rustling with the best quality of crape, her visitor went +straight to the point: would she be willing to advance the amount +of the expected legacy? + +Grace, in reply, wept and wondered at the request, bemoaned the +inexorableness of the law, and was astonished that Lily had not +realized the exact similarity of their positions. Did she think +that only the payment of the legacies had been delayed? Why, Miss +Stepney herself had not received a penny of her inheritance, and +was paying rent--yes, actually!--for the privilege of living in a +house that belonged to her. She was sure it was not what poor +dear cousin Julia would have wished--she had told the executors +so to their faces; but they were inaccessible to reason, and +there was nothing to do but to wait. Let Lily take example by +her, and be patient--let them both remember how +beautifully patient cousin Julia had always been. + +Lily made a movement which showed her imperfect assimilation of +this example. "But you will have everything, Grace--it would be +easy for you to borrow ten times the amount I am asking for." + +"Borrow--easy for me to borrow?" Grace Stepney rose up before her +in sable wrath. "Do you imagine for a moment that I would raise +money on my expectations from cousin Julia, when I know so well +her unspeakable horror of every transaction of the sort? Why, +Lily, if you must know the truth, it was the idea of your being +in debt that brought on her illness--you remember she had a +slight attack before you sailed. Oh, I don't know the +particulars, of course--I don't WANT to know them--but there were +rumours about your affairs that made her most unhappy--no one +could be with her without seeing that. I can't help it if you are +offended by my telling you this now--if I can do anything to make +you realize the folly of your course, and how deeply SHE +disapproved of it, I shall feel it is the truest way of making up +to you for her loss." + + + +Chapter 5 + +It seemed to Lily, as Mrs. Peniston's door closed on her, that +she was taking a final leave of her old life. The future +stretched before her dull and bare as the deserted length of +Fifth Avenue, and opportunities showed as meagrely as the few +cabs trailing in quest of fares that did not come. The +completeness of the analogy was, however, disturbed as she +reached the sidewalk by the rapid approach of a hansom which +pulled up at sight of her. + +From beneath its luggage-laden top, she caught the wave of a +signalling hand; and the next moment Mrs. Fisher, springing to +the street, had folded her in a demonstrative embrace. + +"My dear, you don't mean to say you're still in town? When I saw +you the other day at Sherry's I didn't have time to ask---" She +broke off, and added with a burst of frankness: "The truth is I +was HORRID, Lily, and I've wanted to tell you so ever since." + +"Oh---" Miss Bart protested, drawing back from her penitent +clasp; but Mrs. Fisher went on with her usual directness: "Look +here, Lily, don't let's beat about the bush: half the trouble in +life is caused by pretending there isn't any. That's not my way, +and I can only say I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself for following +the other women's lead. But we'll talk of that by and bye--tell +me now where you're staying and what your plans are. I don't +suppose you're keeping house in there with Grace Stepney, +eh?--and it struck me you might be rather at loose ends." + +In Lily's present mood there was no resisting the honest +friendliness of this appeal, and she said with a smile: "I am at +loose ends for the moment, but Gerty Farish is still in town, and +she's good enough to let me be with her whenever she can spare +the time." + +Mrs. Fisher made a slight grimace. "H'm--that's a temperate joy. +Oh, I know--Gerty's a trump, and worth all the rest of us put +together; but A LA LONGUE you're used to a little higher +seasoning, aren't you, dear? And besides, I suppose she'll be off +herself before long--the first of August, you say? Well, +look here, you can't spend your summer in town; we'll talk of +that later too. But meanwhile, what do you say to putting a few +things in a trunk and coming down with me to the Sam Gormers' +tonight?" + +And as Lily stared at the breathless suddenness of the +suggestion, she continued with her easy laugh: "You don't know +them and they don't know you; but that don't make a rap of +difference. They've taken the Van Alstyne place at Roslyn, and +I've got CARTE BLANCHE to bring my friends down there--the more +the merrier. They do things awfully well, and there's to be +rather a jolly party there this week---" she broke off, checked +by an undefinable change in Miss Bart's expression. "Oh, I don't +mean YOUR particular set, you know: rather a different crowd, but +very good fun. The fact is, the Gormers have struck out on a line +of their own: what they want is to have a good time, and to have +it in their own way. They gave the other thing a few months' +trial, under my distinguished auspices, and they were really +doing extremely well--getting on a good deal faster than the +Brys, just because they didn't care as much--but suddenly they +decided that the whole business bored them, and that what they +wanted was a crowd they could really feel at home with. Rather +original of them, don't you think so? Mattie Gormer HAS got +aspirations still; women always have; but she's awfully +easy-going, and Sam won't be bothered, and they both like to be +the most important people in sight, so they've started a sort of +continuous performance of their own, a kind of social Coney +Island, where everybody is welcome who can make noise enough and +doesn't put on airs. I think it's awfully good fun myself--some +of the artistic set, you know, any pretty actress that's going, +and so on. This week, for instance, they have Audrey Anstell, who +made such a hit last spring in 'The Winning of Winny'; and Paul +Morpeth--he's painting Mattie Gormer--and the Dick Bellingers, +and Kate Corby--well, every one you can think of who's jolly and +makes a row. Now don't stand there with your nose in the air, my +dear--it will be a good deal better than a broiling Sunday in +town, and you'll find clever people as well as noisy +ones--Morpeth, who admires Mattie enormously, always brings one +or two of his set." + +Mrs. Fisher drew Lily toward the hansom with friendly authority. +"Jump in now, there's a dear, and we'll drive round to your hotel +and have your things packed, and then we'll have tea, and the two +maids can meet us at the train." + + + +It was a good deal better than a broiling Sunday in town--of +that no doubt remained to Lily as, reclining in the shade of a +leafy verandah, she looked seaward across a stretch of greensward +picturesquely dotted with groups of ladies in lace raiment and +men in tennis flannels. The huge Van Alstyne house and its +rambling dependencies were packed to their fullest capacity with +the Gormers' week-end guests, who now, in the radiance of the +Sunday forenoon, were dispersing themselves over the grounds in +quest of the various distractions the place afforded: +distractions ranging from tennis-courts to shooting-galleries, +from bridge and whiskey within doors to motors and steam-launches +without. Lily had the odd sense of having been caught up into the +crowd as carelessly as a passenger is gathered in by an express +train. The blonde and genial Mrs. Gormer might, indeed, have +figured the conductor, calmly assigning seats to the rush of +travellers, while Carry Fisher represented the porter pushing +their bags into place, giving them their numbers for the +dining-car, and warning them when their station was at hand. The +train, meanwhile, had scarcely slackened speed--life whizzed on +with a deafening' rattle and roar, in which one traveller at +least found a welcome refuge from the sound of her own thoughts. +The Gormer MILIEU represented a social out-skirt which Lily had +always fastidiously avoided; but it struck her, now that she was +in it, as only a flamboyant copy of her own world, a caricature +approximating the real thing as the "society play" approaches the +manners of the drawing-room. The people about her were doing the +same things as the Trenors, the Van Osburghs and the Dorsets: the +difference lay in a hundred shades of aspect and manner, from the +pattern of the men's waistcoats to the inflexion of the women's +voices. Everything was pitched in a higher key, and there was +more of each thing: more noise, more colour, more champagne, more +familiarity--but also greater good-nature, less rivalry, and a +fresher capacity for enjoyment. + +Miss Bart's arrival had been welcomed with an uncritical +friendliness that first irritated her pride and then brought her +to a sharp sense of her own situation--of the place in life +which, for the moment, she must accept and make the best of. +These people knew her story--of that her first long talk with +Carry Fisher had left no doubt: she was publicly branded as the +heroine of a "queer" episode--but instead of shrinking from her +as her own friends had done, they received her without question +into the easy promiscuity of their lives. They swallowed her past +as easily as they did Miss Anstell's, and with no apparent sense +of any difference in the size of the mouthful: all they asked was +that she should--in her own way, for they recognized a diversity +of gifts--contribute as much to the general amusement as that +graceful actress, whose talents, when off the stage, were of the +most varied order. Lily felt at once that any tendency to be +"stuck-up," to mark a sense of differences and distinctions, +would be fatal to her continuance in the Gormer set. To be taken +in on such terms--and into such a world!--was hard enough to the +lingering pride in her; but she realized, with a pang of +self-contempt, that to be excluded from it would, after all, be +harder still. For, almost at once, she had felt the insidious +charm of slipping back into a life where every material +difficulty was smoothed away. The sudden escape from a stifling +hotel in a dusty deserted city to the space and luxury of a great +country-house fanned by sea breezes, had produced a state of +moral lassitude agreeable enough after the nervous tension and +physical discomfort of the past weeks. For the moment she must +yield to the refreshment her senses craved--after that she would +reconsider her situation, and take counsel with her dignity. Her +enjoyment of her surroundings was, indeed, tinged by the +unpleasant consideration that she was accepting the hospitality +and courting the approval of people she had disdained under other +conditions. But she was growing less sensitive on such points: a +hard glaze of indifference was fast forming over her delicacies +and susceptibilities, and each concession to expediency hardened +the surface a little more. + +On the Monday, when the party disbanded with uproarious adieux, +the return to town threw into stronger relief the charms of the +life she was leaving. The other guests were dispersing to take up +the same existence in a different setting: some at Newport, some +at Bar Harbour, some in the elaborate rusticity of an Adirondack +camp. Even Gerty Farish, who welcomed Lily's return with tender +solicitude, would soon be preparing to join the aunt with whom she +spent her summers on Lake George: only Lily herself remained +without plan or purpose, stranded in a backwater of the great +current of pleasure. But Carry Fisher, who had insisted on +transporting her to her own house, where she herself was to perch +for a day or two on the way to the Brys' camp, came to the rescue +with a new suggestion. + +"Look here, Lily--I'll tell you what it is: I want you to take my +place with Mattie Gormer this summer. They're taking a party out +to Alaska next month in their private car, and Mattie, who is the +laziest woman alive, wants me to go with them, and relieve her of +the bother of arranging things; but the Brys want me too--oh, +yes, we've made it up: didn't I tell you?--and, to put it +frankly, though I like the Gormers best, there's more profit for +me in the Brys. The fact is, they want to try Newport this +summer, and if I can make it a success for them they--well, +they'll make it a success for me." Mrs. Fisher clasped her hands +enthusiastically. "Do you know, Lily, the more I think of my idea +the better I like it--quite as much for you as for myself. The +Gormers have both taken a tremendous fancy to you, and the trip +to Alaska is--well--the very thing I should want for you just at +present." + +Miss Bart lifted her eyes with a keen glance. "To take me out of +my friends' way, you mean?" she said quietly; and Mrs. Fisher +responded with a deprecating kiss: "To keep you out of their +sight till they realize how much they miss you." + + + +Miss Bart went with the Gormers to Alaska; and the expedition, if +it did not produce the effect anticipated by her friend, had at +least the negative advantage of removing her from the fiery +centre of criticism and discussion. Gerty Farish had opposed the +plan with all the energy of her somewhat inarticulate nature. She +had even offered to give up her visit to Lake George, and remain +in town with Miss Bart, if the latter would renounce her journey; +but Lily could disguise her real distaste for this plan under a +sufficiently valid reason. + +"You dear innocent, don't you see," she protested, "that Carry is +quite right, and that I must take up my usual life, and go about +among people as much as possible? If my old friends choose to +believe lies about me I shall have to make new ones, that's all; +and you know beggars mustn't be choosers. Not that I don't like +Mattie Gormer--I DO like her: she's kind and honest and +unaffected; and don't you suppose I feel grateful to her for +making me welcome at a time when, as you've yourself seen, my own +family have unanimously washed their hands of me?" + +Gerty shook her head, mutely unconvinced. She felt not only that +Lily was cheapening herself by making use of an intimacy she +would never have cultivated from choice, but that, in drifting +back now to her former manner of life, she was forfeiting her +last chance of ever escaping from it. Gerty had but an obscure +conception of what Lily's actual experience had been: but its +consequences had established a lasting hold on her pity since the +memorable night when she had offered up her own secret hope to +her friend's extremity. To characters like Gerty's such a +sacrifice constitutes a moral claim on the part of the person in +whose behalf it has been made. Having once helped Lily, she must +continue to help her; and helping her, must believe in her, +because faith is the main-spring of such natures. But even if +Miss Bart, after her renewed taste of the amenities of life, +could have returned to the barrenness of a New York August, +mitigated only by poor Gerty's presence, her worldly wisdom would +have counselled her against such an act of abnegation. She knew +that Carry Fisher was right: that an opportune absence might be +the first step toward rehabilitation, and that, at any rate, to +linger on in town out of season was a fatal admission of defeat. +From the Gormers' tumultuous progress across their native +continent, she returned with an altered view of her situation. +The renewed habit of luxury--the daily waking to an assured +absence of care and presence of material ease--gradually blunted +her appreciation of these values, and left her more conscious of +the void they could not fill. Mattie Gormer's undiscriminating +good-nature, and the slap-dash sociability of her friends, who +treated Lily precisely as they treated each other--all these +characteristic notes of difference began to wear upon her +endurance; and the more she saw to criticize in her companions, +the less justification she found for making use of them. The +longing to get back to her former surroundings hardened to a +fixed idea; but with the strengthening of her purpose came the +inevitable perception that, to attain it, she must exact fresh +concessions from her pride. These, for the moment, took the +unpleasant form of continuing to cling to her hosts after their +return from Alaska. Little as she was in the key of their MILIEU, +her immense social facility, her long habit of adapting herself +to others without suffering her own outline to be blurred, the +skilled manipulation of all the polished implements of her craft, +had won for her an important place in the Gormer group. If their +resonant hilarity could never be hers, she contributed a note of +easy elegance more valuable to Mattie Gormer than the louder +passages of the band. Sam Gormer and his special cronies stood +indeed a little in awe of her; but Mattie's following, headed by +Paul Morpeth, made her feel that they prized her for the very +qualities they most conspicuously lacked. If Morpeth, whose +social indolence was as great as his artistic activity, had +abandoned himself to the easy current of the Gormer existence, +where the minor exactions of politeness were unknown or ignored, +and a man could either break his engagements, or keep them in a +painting-jacket and slippers, he still preserved his sense of +differences, and his appreciation of graces he had no time to +cultivate. During the preparations for the Brys' TABLEAUX he had +been immensely struck by Lily's plastic possibilities--"not the +face: too self-controlled for expression; but the rest of +her--gad, what a model she'd make!"--and though his abhorrence of +the world in which he had seen her was too great for him to think +of seeking her there, he was fully alive to the privilege of +having her to look at and listen to while he lounged in Mattie +Gormer's dishevelled drawing-room. + +Lily had thus formed, in the tumult of her surroundings, a little +nucleus of friendly relations which mitigated the crudeness of +her course in lingering with the Gormers after their return. Nor +was she without pale glimpses of her own world, especially since +the breaking-up of the Newport season had set the social current +once more toward Long Island. Kate Corby, whose tastes +made her as promiscuous as Carry Fisher was rendered by her +necessities, occasionally descended on the Gormers, where, after +a first stare of surprise, she took Lily's presence almost too +much as a matter of course. Mrs. Fisher, too, appearing +frequently in the neighbourhood, drove over to impart her +experiences and give Lily what she called the latest report from +the weather-bureau; and the latter, who had never directly +invited her confidence, could yet talk with her more freely than +with Gerty Farish, in whose presence it was impossible even to +admit the existence of much that Mrs. Fisher conveniently took +for granted. + +Mrs. Fisher, moreover, had no embarrassing curiosity. She did not +wish to probe the inwardness of Lily's situation, but simply to +view it from the outside, and draw her conclusions accordingly; +and these conclusions, at the end of a confidential talk, she +summed up to her friend in the succinct remark: "You must marry +as soon as you can." + +Lily uttered a faint laugh--for once Mrs. Fisher lacked +originality. "Do you mean, like Gerty Farish, to recommend the +unfailing panacea of 'a good man's love'?" + +"No--I don't think either of my candidates would answer to that +description," said Mrs. Fisher after a pause of reflection. + +"Either? Are there actually two?" + +"Well, perhaps I ought to say one and a half--for the moment." + +Miss Bart received this with increasing amusement. "Other things +being equal, I think I should prefer a half-husband: who is he?" + +"Don't fly out at me till you hear my reasons--George Dorset." + +"Oh---" Lily murmured reproachfully; but Mrs. Fisher pressed on +unrebuffed. "Well, why not? They had a few weeks' honeymoon when +they first got back from Europe, but now things are going badly +with them again. Bertha has been behaving more than ever like a +madwoman, and George's powers of credulity are very nearly +exhausted. They're at their place here, you know, and I spent +last Sunday with them. It was a ghastly party--no one else but +poor Neddy Silverton, who looks like a galley-slave (they used to +talk of my making that poor boy unhappy!)--and after +luncheon George carried me off on a long walk, and told me the +end would have to come soon." + +Miss Bart made an incredulous gesture. "As far as that goes, the +end will never come--Bertha will always know how to get him back +when she wants him." + +Mrs. Fisher continued to observe her tentatively. "Not if he has +any one else to turn to! Yes--that's just what it comes to: the +poor creature can't stand alone. And I remember him such a good +fellow, full of life and enthusiasm." She paused, and went on, +dropping her glance from Lily's: "He wouldn't stay with her ten +minutes if he KNEW---" + +"Knew---?" Miss Bart repeated. + +"What YOU must, for instance--with the opportunities you've had! +If he had positive proof, I mean---" + +Lily interrupted her with a deep blush of displeasure. "Please +let us drop the subject, Carry: it's too odious to me." And to +divert her companion's attention she added, with an attempt at +lightness: "And your second candidate? We must not forget him." + +Mrs. Fisher echoed her laugh. "I wonder if you'll cry out just as +loud if I say--Sim Rosedale?" + +Miss Bart did not cry out: she sat silent, gazing thoughtfully at +her friend. The suggestion, in truth, gave expression to a +possibility which, in the last weeks, had more than once recurred +to her; but after a moment she said carelessly: "Mr. Rosedale +wants a wife who can establish him in the bosom of the Van +Osburghs and Trenors." + +Mrs. Fisher caught her up eagerly. "And so YOU could--with his +money! Don't you see how beautifully it would work out for you +both?" + +"I don't see any way of making him see it," Lily returned, with a +laugh intended to dismiss the subject. + +But in reality it lingered with her long after Mrs. Fisher had +taken leave. She had seen very little of Rosedale since her +annexation by the Gormers, for he was still steadily bent on +penetrating to the inner Paradise from which she was now +excluded; but once or twice, when nothing better offered, he had +turned up for a Sunday, and on these occasions he had left her in +no doubt as to his view of her situation. That he still +admired her was, more than ever, offensively evident; for in the +Gormer circle, where he expanded as in his native element, there +were no puzzling conventions to check the full expression of his +approval. But it was in the quality of his admiration that she +read his shrewd estimate of her case. He enjoyed letting the +Gormers see that he had known "Miss Lily"--she was "Miss Lily" to +him now--before they had had the faintest social existence: +enjoyed more especially impressing Paul Morpeth with the distance +to which their intimacy dated back. But he let it be felt that +that intimacy was a mere ripple on the surface of a rushing +social current, the kind of relaxation which a man of large +interests and manifold preoccupations permits himself in his +hours of ease. + +The necessity of accepting this view of their past relation, and +of meeting it in the key of pleasantry prevalent among her new +friends, was deeply humiliating to Lily. But she dared less than +ever to quarrel with Rosedale. She suspected that her rejection +rankled among the most unforgettable of his rebuffs, and the fact +that he knew something of her wretched transaction with Trenor, +and was sure to put the basest construction on it, seemed to +place her hopelessly in his power. Yet at Carry Fisher's +suggestion a new hope had stirred in her. Much as she disliked +Rosedale, she no longer absolutely despised him. For he was +gradually attaining his object in life, and that, to Lily, was +always less despicable than to miss it. With the slow unalterable +persistency which she had always felt in him, he was making his +way through the dense mass of social antagonisms. Already his +wealth, and the masterly use he had made of it, were giving him +an enviable prominence in the world of affairs, and placing Wall +Street under obligations which only Fifth Avenue could repay. In +response to these claims, his name began to figure on municipal +committees and charitable boards; he appeared at banquets to +distinguished strangers, and his candidacy at one of the +fashionable clubs was discussed with diminishing opposition. He +had figured once or twice at the Trenor dinners, and had learned +to speak with just the right note of disdain of the big Van +Osburgh crushes; and all he now needed was a wife whose +affiliations would shorten the last tedious steps of his ascent. +It was with that object that, a year earlier, he had fixed +his affections on Miss Bart; but in the interval he had +mounted nearer to the goal, while she had lost the power to +abbreviate the remaining steps of the way. All this she saw with +the clearness of vision that came to her in moments of +despondency. It was success that dazzled her--she could +distinguish facts plainly enough in the twilight of failure. And +the twilight, as she now sought to pierce it, was gradually +lighted by a faint spark of reassurance. Under the utilitarian +motive of Rosedale's wooing she had felt, clearly enough, the +heat of personal inclination. She would not have detested him so +heartily had she not known that he dared to admire her. What, +then, if the passion persisted, though the other motive had +ceased to sustain it? She had never even tried to please him--he +had been drawn to her in spite of her manifest disdain. What if +she now chose to exert the power which, even in its passive +state, he had felt so strongly? What if she made him marry her +for love, now that he had no other reason for marrying her? + + + +Chapter 6 + +As became persons of their rising consequence, the Gormers were +engaged in building a country-house on Long Island; and it was a +part of Miss Bart's duty to attend her hostess on frequent visits +of inspection to the new estate. There, while Mrs. Gormer plunged +into problems of lighting and sanitation, Lily had leisure to +wander, in the bright autumn air, along the tree-fringed bay to +which the land declined. Little as she was addicted to solitude, +there had come to be moments when it seemed a welcome escape from +the empty noises of her life. She was weary of being swept +passively along a current of pleasure and business in which she +had no share; weary of seeing other people pursue amusement and +squander money, while she felt herself of no more account among +them than an expensive toy in the hands of a spoiled child. + +It was in this frame of mind that, striking back from the shore +one morning into the windings of an unfamiliar lane, she came +suddenly upon the figure of George Dorset. The Dorset place was +in the immediate neighbourhood of the Gormers' newly-acquired +estate, and in her motor-flights thither with Mrs. Gormer, Lily +had caught one or two passing glimpses of the couple; but they +moved in so different an orbit that she had not considered the +possibility of a direct encounter. + +Dorset, swinging along with bent head, in moody abstraction, did +not see Miss Bart till he was close upon her; but the sight, +instead of bringing him to a halt, as she had half-expected, sent +him toward her with an eagerness which found expression in his +opening words. + +"Miss Bart!--You'll shake hands, won't you? I've been hoping to +meet you--I should have written to you if I'd dared." His face, +with its tossed red hair and straggling moustache, had a driven +uneasy look, as though life had become an unceasing race between +himself and the thoughts at his heels. + +The look drew a word of compassionate greeting from Lily, and he +pressed on, as if encouraged by her tone: "I wanted to +apologize--to ask you to forgive me for the miserable part I +played---" + +She checked him with a quick gesture. "Don't let us speak of it: +I was very sorry for you," she said, with a tinge of disdain +which, as she instantly perceived, was not lost on him. + +He flushed to his haggard eyes, flushed so cruelly that she +repented the thrust. "You might well be; you don't know--you must +let me explain. I was deceived: abominably deceived---" + +"I am still more sorry for you, then," she interposed, without +irony; "but you must see that I am not exactly the person with +whom the subject can be discussed." + +He met this with a look of genuine wonder. "Why not? Isn't it to +you, of all people, that I owe an explanation---" + +"No explanation is necessary: the situation was perfectly clear +to me." + +"Ah---" he murmured, his head drooping again, and his irresolute +hand switching at the underbrush along the lane. But as Lily made +a movement to pass on, he broke out with fresh vehemence: "Miss +Bart, for God's sake don't turn from me! We used to be good +friends--you were always kind to me--and you don't know how I +need a friend now." + +The lamentable weakness of the words roused a motion of pity in +Lily's breast. She too needed friends--she had tasted the pang of +loneliness; and her resentment of Bertha Dorset's cruelty +softened her heart to the poor wretch who was after all the chief +of Bertha's victims. + +"I still wish to be kind; I feel no ill-will toward you," she +said. "But you must understand that after what has happened we +can't be friends again--we can't see each other." + +"Ah, you ARE kind--you're merciful--you always were!" He fixed +his miserable gaze on her. "But why can't we be friends--why not, +when I've repented in dust and ashes? Isn't it hard that you +should condemn me to suffer for the falseness, the treachery of +others? I was punished enough at the time--is there to be no +respite for me?" + +"I should have thought you had found complete respite in the +reconciliation which was effected at my expense," Lily began, +with renewed impatience; but he broke in imploringly: "Don't put +it in that way--when that's been the worst of my +punishment. My God! what could I do--wasn't I powerless? You were +singled out as a sacrifice: any word I might have said would have +been turned against you---" + +"I have told you I don't blame you; all I ask you to understand +is that, after the use Bertha chose to make of me--after all that +her behaviour has since implied--it's impossible that you and I +should meet." + +He continued to stand before her, in his dogged weakness. "Is +it--need it be? Mightn't there be circumstances---?" he checked +himself, slashing at the wayside weeds in a wider radius. Then he +began again: "Miss Bart, listen--give me a minute. If we're not +to meet again, at least let me have a hearing now. You say we +can't be friends after--after what has happened. But can't I at +least appeal to your pity? Can't I move you if I ask you to think +of me as a prisoner--a prisoner you alone can set free?" + +Lily's inward start betrayed itself in a quick blush: was it +possible that this was really the sense of Carry Fisher's +adumbrations? + +"I can't see how I can possibly be of any help to you," she +murmured, drawing back a little from the mounting excitement of +his look. + +Her tone seemed to sober him, as it had so often done in his +stormiest moments. The stubborn lines of his face relaxed, and he +said, with an abrupt drop to docility: "You WOULD see, if you'd +be as merciful as you used to be: and heaven knows I've never +needed it more!" + +She paused a moment, moved in spite of herself by this reminder +of her influence over him. Her fibres had been softened by +suffering, and the sudden glimpse into his mocked and broken life +disarmed her contempt for his weakness. + +"I am very sorry for you--I would help you willingly; but you +must have other friends, other advisers." + +"I never had a friend like you," he answered simply. "And +besides--can't you see?--you're the only person"--his voice +dropped to a whisper--"the only person who knows." + +Again she felt her colour change; again her heart rose in +precipitate throbs to meet what she felt was coming. He lifted +his eyes to her entreatingly. "You do see, don't you? You +understand? I'm desperate--I'm at the end of my tether. I +want to be free, and you can free me. I know you can. You don't +want to keep me bound fast in hell, do you? You can't want to +take such a vengeance as that. You were always kind--your eyes +are kind now. You say you're sorry for me. Well, it rests with +you to show it; and heaven knows there's nothing to keep you +back. You understand, of course--there wouldn't be a hint of +publicity--not a sound or a syllable to connect you with the +thing. It would never come to that, you know: all I need is to be +able to say definitely: 'I know this--and this--and this'--and the +fight would drop, and the way be cleared, and the whole +abominable business swept out of sight in a second." + +He spoke pantingly, like a tired runner, with breaks of +exhaustion between his words; and through the breaks she caught, +as through the shifting rents of a fog, great golden vistas of +peace and safety. For there was no mistaking the definite +intention behind his vague appeal; she could have filled up the +blanks without the help of Mrs. Fisher's insinuations. Here was a +man who turned to her in the extremity of his loneliness and his +humiliation: if she came to him at such a moment he would be hers +with all the force of his deluded faith. And the power to make +him so lay in her hand--lay there in a completeness he could not +even remotely conjecture. Revenge and rehabilitation might be +hers at a stroke--there was something dazzling in the +completeness of the opportunity. + +She stood silent, gazing away from him down the autumnal stretch +of the deserted lane. And suddenly fear possessed her--fear of +herself, and of the terrible force of the temptation. All her +past weaknesses were like so many eager accomplices drawing her +toward the path their feet had already smoothed. She turned +quickly, and held out her hand to Dorset. + +"Goodbye--I'm sorry; there's nothing in the world that I can do." + +"Nothing? Ah, don't say that," he cried; "say what's true: that +you abandon me like the others. You, the only creature who could +have saved me!" + +"Goodbye--goodbye," she repeated hurriedly; and as she +moved away she heard him cry out on a last note of entreaty: "At +least you'll let me see you once more?" + + + +Lily, on regaining the Gormer grounds, struck rapidly across the +lawn toward the unfinished house, where she fancied that her +hostess might be speculating, not too resignedly, on the cause of +her delay; for, like many unpunctual persons, Mrs. Gormer +disliked to be kept waiting. + +As Miss Bart reached the avenue, however, she saw a smart phaeton +with a high-stepping pair disappear behind the shrubbery in the +direction of the gate; and on the doorstep stood Mrs. Gormer, +with a glow of retrospective pleasure on her open countenance. At +sight of Lily the glow deepened to an embarrassed red, and she +said with a slight laugh: "Did you see my visitor? Oh, I thought +you came back by the avenue. It was Mrs. George Dorset--she said +she'd dropped in to make a neighbourly call." + +Lily met the announcement with her usual composure, though her +experience of Bertha's idiosyncrasies would not have led her to +include the neighbourly instinct among them; and Mrs. Gormer, +relieved to see that she gave no sign of surprise, went on with a +deprecating laugh: "Of course what really brought her was +curiosity--she made me take her all over the house. But no one +could have been nicer--no airs, you know, and so good-natured: I +can quite see why people think her so fascinating." + +This surprising event, coinciding too completely with her meeting +with Dorset to be regarded as contingent upon it, had yet +immediately struck Lily with a vague sense of foreboding. It was +not in Bertha's habits to be neighbourly, much less to make +advances to any one outside the immediate circle of her +affinities. She had always consistently ignored the world of +outer aspirants, or had recognized its individual members only +when prompted by motives of self-interest; and the very +capriciousness of her condescensions had, as Lily was aware, +given them special value in the eyes of the persons she +distinguished. Lily saw this now in Mrs. Gormer's unconcealable +complacency, and in the happy irrelevance with which, for the +next day or two, she quoted Bertha's opinions and +speculated on the origin of her gown. All the secret ambitions +which Mrs. Gormer's native indolence, and the attitude of her +companions, kept in habitual abeyance, were now germinating +afresh in the glow of Bertha's advances; and whatever the cause +of the latter, Lily saw that, if they were followed up, they were +likely to have a disturbing effect upon her own future. + +She had arranged to break the length of her stay with her new +friends by one or two visits to other acquaintances as recent; +and on her return from this somewhat depressing excursion she was +immediately conscious that Mrs. Dorset's influence was still in +the air. There had been another exchange of visits, a tea at a +country-club, an encounter at a hunt ball; there was even a +rumour of an approaching dinner, which Mattie Gormer, with an +unnatural effort at discretion, tried to smuggle out of the +conversation whenever Miss Bart took part in it. + +The latter had already planned to return to town after a farewell +Sunday with her friends; and, with Gerty Farish's aid, had +discovered a small private hotel where she might establish +herself for the winter. The hotel being on the edge of a +fashionable neighbourhood, the price of the few square feet she +was to occupy was considerably in excess of her means; but she +found a justification for her dislike of poorer quarters in the +argument that, at this particular juncture, it was of the utmost +importance to keep up a show of prosperity. In reality, it was +impossible for her, while she had the means to pay her way for a +week ahead, to lapse into a form of existence like Gerty +Farish's. She had never been so near the brink of insolvency; but +she could at least manage to meet her weekly hotel bill, and +having settled the heaviest of her previous debts out of the +money she had received from Trenor, she had a still fair margin +of credit to go upon. The situation, however, was not agreeable +enough to lull her to complete unconsciousness of its insecurity. +Her rooms, with their cramped outlook down a sallow vista of +brick walls and fire-escapes, her lonely meals in the dark +restaurant with its surcharged ceiling and haunting smell of +coffee--all these material discomforts, which were yet to be +accounted as so many privileges soon to be withdrawn, kept +constantly before her the disadvantages of her state; and +her mind reverted the more insistently to Mrs. Fisher's counsels. +Beat about the question as she would, she knew the outcome of it +was that she must try to marry Rosedale; and in this conviction +she was fortified by an unexpected visit from George Dorset. + +She found him, on the first Sunday after her return to town, +pacing her narrow sitting-room to the imminent peril of the few +knick-knacks with which she had tried to disguise its plush +exuberances; but the sight of her seemed to quiet him, and he +said meekly that he hadn't come to bother her--that he asked +only to be allowed to sit for half an hour and talk of anything +she liked. In reality, as she knew, he had but one subject: +himself and his wretchedness; and it was the need of her sympathy +that had drawn him back. But he began with a pretence of +questioning her about herself, and as she replied, she saw that, +for the first time, a faint realization of her plight penetrated +the dense surface of his self-absorption. Was it possible that +her old beast of an aunt had actually cut her off? That she was +living alone like this because there was no one else for her to +go to, and that she really hadn't more than enough to keep alive +on till the wretched little legacy was paid? The fibres of +sympathy were nearly atrophied in him, but he was suffering so +intensely that he had a faint glimpse of what other sufferings +might mean--and, as she perceived, an almost simultaneous +perception of the way in which her particular misfortunes might +serve him. + +When at length she dismissed him, on the pretext that she must +dress for dinner, he lingered entreatingly on the threshold to +blurt out: "It's been such a comfort--do say you'll let me see +you again--" But to this direct appeal it was impossible to give +an assent; and she said with friendly decisiveness: "I'm +sorry--but you know why I can't." + +He coloured to the eyes, pushed the door shut, and stood before +her embarrassed but insistent. "I know how you might, if you +would--if things were different--and it lies with you to make +them so. It's just a word to say, and you put me out of my +misery!" + +Their eyes met, and for a second she trembled again with the +nearness of the temptation. "You're mistaken; I know nothing; I +saw nothing," she exclaimed, striving, by sheer force of +reiteration, to build a barrier between herself and her peril; +and as he turned away, groaning out "You sacrifice us both," she +continued to repeat, as if it were a charm: "I know +nothing--absolutely nothing." + + + +Lily had seen little of Rosedale since her illuminating talk with +Mrs. Fisher, but on the two or three occasions when they had met +she was conscious of having distinctly advanced in his favour. +There could be no doubt that he admired her as much as ever, and +she believed it rested with herself to raise his admiration to +the point where it should bear down the lingering counsels of +expediency. The task was not an easy one; but neither was it +easy, in her long sleepless nights, to face the thought of what +George Dorset was so clearly ready to offer. Baseness for +baseness, she hated the other least: there were even moments when +a marriage with Rosedale seemed the only honourable solution of +her difficulties. She did not indeed let her imagination range +beyond the day of plighting: after that everything faded into a +haze of material well-being, in which the personality of her +benefactor remained mercifully vague. She had learned, in her +long vigils, that there were certain things not good to think of, +certain midnight images that must at any cost be exorcised--and +one of these was the image of herself as Rosedale's wife. + +Carry Fisher, on the strength, as she frankly owned, of the Brys' +Newport success, had taken for the autumn months a small house at +Tuxedo; and thither Lily was bound on the Sunday after Dorset's +visit. Though it was nearly dinner-time when she arrived, her +hostess was still out, and the firelit quiet of the small silent +house descended on her spirit with a sense of peace and +familiarity. It may be doubted if such an emotion had ever before +been evoked by Carry Fisher's surroundings; but, contrasted to +the world in which Lily had lately lived, there was an air of +repose and stability in the very placing of the furniture, and in +the quiet competence of the parlour-maid who led her up to her +room. Mrs. Fisher's unconventionality was, after all, a merely +superficial divergence from an inherited social creed, while the +manners of the Gormer circle represented their first attempt to +formulate such a creed for themselves. + +It was the first time since her return from Europe that Lily had +found herself in a congenial atmosphere, and the stirring of +familiar associations had almost prepared her, as she descended +the stairs before dinner, to enter upon a group of her old +acquaintances. But this expectation was instantly checked by the +reflection that the friends who remained loyal were precisely +those who would be least willing to expose her to such +encounters; and it was hardly with surprise that she found, +instead, Mr. Rosedale kneeling domestically on the drawing-room +hearth before his hostess's little girl. + +Rosedale in the paternal role was hardly a figure to soften Lily; +yet she could not but notice a quality of homely goodness in his +advances to the child. They were not, at any rate, the +premeditated and perfunctory endearments of the guest under his +hostess's eye, for he and the little girl had the room to +themselves; and something in his attitude made him seem a simple +and kindly being compared to the small critical creature who +endured his homage. Yes, he would be kind--Lily, from the +threshold, had time to feel--kind in his gross, unscrupulous, +rapacious way, the way of the predatory creature with his mate. +She had but a moment in which to consider whether this glimpse of +the fireside man mitigated her repugnance, or gave it, rather, a +more concrete and intimate form; for at sight of her he was +immediately on his feet again, the florid and dominant Rosedale +of Mattie Gormer's drawing-room. + +It was no surprise to Lily to find that he had been selected as +her only fellow-guest. Though she and her hostess had not met +since the latter's tentative discussion of her future, Lily knew +that the acuteness which enabled Mrs. Fisher to lay a safe and +pleasant course through a world of antagonistic forces was not +infrequently exercised for the benefit of her friends. It was, in +fact, characteristic of Carry that, while she actively gleaned +her own stores from the fields of affluence, her real sympathies +were on the other side--with the unlucky, the unpopular, the +unsuccessful, with all her hungry fellow-toilers in the shorn +stubble of success. + +Mrs. Fisher's experience guarded her against the mistake of +exposing Lily, for the first evening, to the unmitigated +impression of Rosedale's personality. Kate Corby and two +or three men dropped in to dinner, and Lily, alive to every +detail of her friend's method, saw that such opportunities as had +been contrived for her were to be deferred till she had, as it +were, gained courage to make effectual use of them. She had a +sense of acquiescing in this plan with the passiveness of a +sufferer resigned to the surgeon's touch; and this feeling of +almost lethargic helplessness continued when, after the departure +of the guests, Mrs. Fisher followed her upstairs. + +"May I come in and smoke a cigarette over your fire? If we talk +in my room we shall disturb the child." Mrs. Fisher looked about +her with the eye of the solicitous hostess. "I hope you've +managed to make yourself comfortable, dear? Isn't it a jolly +little house? It's such a blessing to have a few quiet weeks with +the baby." + +Carry, in her rare moments of prosperity, became so expansively +maternal that Miss Bart sometimes wondered whether, if she could +ever get time and money enough, she would not end by devoting +them both to her daughter. + +"It's a well-earned rest: I'll say that for myself," she +continued, sinking down with a sigh of content on the pillowed +lounge near the fire. "Louisa Bry is a stern task-master: I often +used to wish myself back with the Gormers. Talk of love making +people jealous and suspicious--it's nothing to social ambition! +Louisa used to lie awake at night wondering whether the women who +called on us called on ME because I was with her, or on HER +because she was with me; and she was always laying traps to find +out what I thought. Of course I had to disown my oldest friends, +rather than let her suspect she owed me the chance of making a +single acquaintance--when, all the while, that was what she had +me there for, and what she wrote me a handsome cheque for when +the season was over!" + +Mrs. Fisher was not a woman who talked of herself without cause, +and the practice of direct speech, far from precluding in her an +occasional resort to circuitous methods, served rather, at +crucial moments, the purpose of the juggler's chatter while he +shifts the contents of his sleeves. Through the haze of her +cigarette smoke she continued to gaze meditatively at Miss Bart, +who, having dismissed her maid, sat before the +toilet-table shaking out over her shoulders the loosened +undulations of her hair. + +"Your hair's wonderful, Lily. Thinner--? What does that matter, +when it's so light and alive? So many women's worries seem to go +straight to their hair--but yours looks as if there had never +been an anxious thought under it. I never saw you look better +than you did this evening. Mattie Gormer told me that Morpeth +wanted to paint you--why don't you let him?" + +Miss Bart's immediate answer was to address a critical glance to +the reflection of the countenance under discussion. Then she +said, with a slight touch of irritation: "I don't care to accept +a portrait from Paul Morpeth." + +Mrs. Fisher mused. "N--no. And just now, especially--well, he +can do you after you're married." She waited a moment, and then +went on: "By the way, I had a visit from Mattie the other day. +She turned up here last Sunday--and with Bertha Dorset, of all +people in the world!" + +She paused again to measure the effect of this announcement on +her hearer, but the brush in Miss Bart's lifted hand maintained +its unwavering stroke from brow to nape. + +"I never was more astonished," Mrs. Fisher pursued. "I don't know +two women less predestined to intimacy--from Bertha's standpoint, +that is; for of course poor Mattie thinks it natural enough that +she should be singled out--I've no doubt the rabbit always thinks +it is fascinating the anaconda. Well, you know I've always told +you that Mattie secretly longed to bore herself with the really +fashionable; and now that the chance has come, I see that she's +capable of sacrificing all her old friends to it." + +Lily laid aside her brush and turned a penetrating glance upon +her friend. "Including ME?" she suggested. + +"Ah, my dear," murmured Mrs. Fisher, rising to push back a log +from the hearth. + +"That's what Bertha means, isn't it?" Miss Bart went on steadily. +"For of course she always means something; and before I left Long +Island I saw that she was beginning to lay her toils for Mattie." + +Mrs. Fisher sighed evasively. "She has her fast now, at any rate. +To think of that loud independence of Mattie's being only +a subtler form of snobbishness! Bertha can already make her +believe anything she pleases--and I'm afraid she's begun, my poor +child, by insinuating horrors about you." + +Lily flushed under the shadow of her drooping hair. "The world is +too vile," she murmured, averting herself from Mrs. Fisher's +anxious scrutiny. + +"It's not a pretty place; and the only way to keep a footing in +it is to fight it on its own terms--and above all, my dear, not +alone!" Mrs. Fisher gathered up her floating implications in a +resolute grasp. "You've told me so little that I can only guess +what has been happening; but in the rush we all live in there's +no time to keep on hating any one without a cause, and if Bertha +is still nasty enough to want to injure you with other people it +must be because she's still afraid of you. From her standpoint +there's only one reason for being afraid of you; and my own idea +is that, if you want to punish her, you hold the means in your +hand. I believe you can marry George Dorset tomorrow; but if you +don't care for that particular form of retaliation, the only +thing to save you from Bertha is to marry somebody else." + + + +Chapter 7 + +The light projected on the situation by Mrs. Fisher had the +cheerless distinctness of a winter dawn. It outlined the facts +with a cold precision unmodified by shade or colour, and +refracted, as it were, from the blank walls of the surrounding +limitations: she had opened windows from which no sky was ever +visible. But the idealist subdued to vulgar necessities must +employ vulgar minds to draw the inferences to which he cannot +stoop; and it was easier for Lily to let Mrs. Fisher formulate +her case than to put it plainly to herself. Once confronted with +it, however, she went the full length of its consequences; and +these had never been more clearly present to her than when, the +next afternoon, she set out for a walk with Rosedale. + +It was one of those still November days when the air is haunted +with the light of summer, and something in the lines of the +landscape, and in the golden haze which bathed them, recalled to +Miss Bart the September afternoon when she had climbed the slopes +of Bellomont with Selden. The importunate memory was kept before +her by its ironic contrast to her present situation, since her +walk with Selden had represented an irresistible flight from just +such a climax as the present excursion was designed to bring +about. But other memories importuned her also; the recollection +of similar situations, as skillfully led up to, but through some +malice of fortune, or her own unsteadiness of purpose, always +failing of the intended result. Well, her purpose was steady +enough now. She saw that the whole weary work of rehabilitation +must begin again, and against far greater odds, if Bertha Dorset +should succeed in breaking up her friendship with the Gormers; +and her longing for shelter and security was intensified by the +passionate desire to triumph over Bertha, as only wealth and +predominance could triumph over her. As the wife of Rosedale--the +Rosedale she felt it in her power to create--she would at least +present an invulnerable front to her enemy. + +She had to draw upon this thought, as upon some fiery stimulant, +to keep up her part in the scene toward which Rosedale +was too frankly tending. As she walked beside him, shrinking in +every nerve from the way in which his look and tone made free of +her, yet telling herself that this momentary endurance of his +mood was the price she must pay for her ultimate power over him, +she tried to calculate the exact point at which concession must +turn to resistance, and the price HE would have to pay be made +equally clear to him. But his dapper self-confidence seemed +impenetrable to such hints, and she had a sense of something hard +and self-contained behind the superficial warmth of his manner. + +They had been seated for some time in the seclusion of a rocky +glen above the lake, when she suddenly cut short the culmination +of an impassioned period by turning upon him the grave loveliness +of her gaze. + +"I DO believe what you say, Mr. Rosedale," she said quietly; "and +I am ready to marry you whenever you wish." + +Rosedale, reddening to the roots of his glossy hair, received +this announcement with a recoil which carried him to his feet, +where he halted before her in an attitude of almost comic +discomfiture. + +"For I suppose that is what you do wish," she continued, in the +same quiet tone. "And, though I was unable to consent when you +spoke to me in this way before, I am ready, now that I know you +so much better, to trust my happiness to your hands." + +She spoke with the noble directness which she could command on +such occasions, and which was like a large steady light thrown +across the tortuous darkness of the situation. In its +inconvenient brightness Rosedale seemed to waver a moment, as +though conscious that every avenue of escape was unpleasantly +illuminated. + +Then he gave a short laugh, and drew out a gold cigarette-case, +in which, with plump jewelled fingers, he groped for a +gold-tipped cigarette. Selecting one, he paused to contemplate it +a moment before saying: "My dear Miss Lily, I'm sorry if there's +been any little misapprehension between us-but you made me feel +my suit was so hopeless that I had really no intention of +renewing it." + +Lily's blood tingled with the grossness of the rebuff; but she checked +the first leap of her anger, and said in a tone of gentle dignity: +"I have no one but myself to blame if I gave you the impression +that my decision was final." + +Her word-play was always too quick for him, and this reply held +him in puzzled silence while she extended her hand and added, +with the faintest inflection of sadness in her voice: "Before we +bid each other goodbye, I want at least to thank you for having +once thought of me as you did." + +The touch of her hand, the moving softness of her look, thrilled +a vulnerable fibre in Rosedale. It was her exquisite +inaccessibleness, the sense of distance she could convey without +a hint of disdain, that made it most difficult for him to give +her up. + +"Why do you talk of saying goodbye? Ain't we going to be good +friends all the same?" he urged, without releasing her hand. + +She drew it away quietly. "What is your idea of being good +friends?" she returned with a slight smile. "Making love to me +without asking me to marry you?" Rosedale laughed with a +recovered sense of ease. + +"Well, that's about the size of it, I suppose. I can't help +making love to you--I don't see how any man could; but I don't +mean to ask you to marry me as long as I can keep out of it." + +She continued to smile. "I like your frankness; but I am afraid +our friendship can hardly continue on those terms." She turned +away, as though to mark that its final term had in fact been +reached, and he followed her for a few steps with a baffled sense +of her having after all kept the game in her own hands. + +"Miss Lily---" he began impulsively; but she walked on without +seeming to hear him. + +He overtook her in a few quick strides, and laid an entreating +hand on her arm. "Miss Lily--don't hurry away like that. You're +beastly hard on a fellow; but if you don't mind speaking the +truth I don't see why you shouldn't allow me to do the same." + +She had paused a moment with raised brows, drawing away +instinctively from his touch, though she made no effort to evade +his words. + +"I was under the impression," she rejoined, "that you had done so +without waiting for my permission." + +"Well--why shouldn't you hear my reasons for doing it, then? +We're neither of us such new hands that a little plain speaking +is going to hurt us. I'm all broken up on you: there's nothing +new in that. I'm more in love with you than I was this time last +year; but I've got to face the fact that the situation is +changed." + +She continued to confront him with the same air of ironic +composure. "You mean to say that I'm not as desirable a match as +you thought me?" + +"Yes; that's what I do mean," he answered resolutely. "I won't go +into what's happened. I don't believe the stories about you--I +don't WANT to believe them. But they're there, and my not +believing them ain't going to alter the situation." + +She flushed to her temples, but the extremity of her need checked +the retort on her lip and she continued to face him composedly. +"If they are not true," she said, "doesn't THAT alter the +situation?" + +He met this with a steady gaze of his small stock-taking eyes, +which made her feel herself no more than some superfine human +merchandise. "I believe it does in novels; but I'm certain it +don't in real life. You know that as well as I do: if we're +speaking the truth, let's speak the whole truth. Last year I was +wild to marry you, and you wouldn't look at me: this year--well, +you appear to be willing. Now, what has changed in the interval? +Your situation, that's all. Then you thought you could do better; +now---" + +"You think you can?" broke from her ironically. + +"Why, yes, I do: in one way, that is." He stood before her, his +hands in his pockets, his chest sturdily expanded under its vivid +waistcoat. "It's this way, you see: I've had a pretty steady +grind of it these last years, working up my social position. +Think it's funny I should say that? Why should I mind saying I +want to get into society? A man ain't ashamed to say he wants to +own a racing stable or a picture gallery. Well, a taste for +society's just another kind of hobby. Perhaps I want to get even +with some of the people who cold-shouldered me last year--put it +that way if it sounds better. Anyhow, I want to have the run of +the best houses; and I'm getting it too, little by little. But I +know the quickest way to queer yourself with the right +people is to be seen with the wrong ones; and that's the reason I +want to avoid mistakes." + +Miss Bart continued to stand before him in a silence that might +have expressed either mockery or a half-reluctant respect for his +candour, and after a moment's pause he went on: "There it is, you +see. I'm more in love with you than ever, but if I married you +now I'd queer myself for good and all, and everything I've worked +for all these years would be wasted." + +She received this with a look from which all tinge of resentment +had faded. After the tissue of social falsehoods in which she had +so long moved it was refreshing to step into the open daylight of +an avowed expediency. + +"I understand you," she said. "A year ago I should have been of +use to you, and now I should be an encumbrance; and I like you +for telling me so quite honestly." She extended her hand with a +smile. + +Again the gesture had a disturbing effect upon Mr. Rosedale's +self-command. "By George, you're a dead game sport, you are!" he +exclaimed; and as she began once more to move away, he broke out +suddenly--"Miss Lily--stop. You know I don't believe those +stories--I believe they were all got up by a woman who didn't +hesitate to sacrifice you to her own convenience---" + +Lily drew away with a movement of quick disdain: it was easier to +endure his insolence than his commiseration. + +"You are very kind; but I don't think we need discuss the matter +farther." + +But Rosedale's natural imperviousness to hints made it easy for +him to brush such resistance aside. "I don't want to discuss +anything; I just want to put a plain case before you," he +persisted. + +She paused in spite of herself, held by the note of a new purpose +in his look and tone; and he went on, keeping his eyes firmly +upon her: "The wonder to me is that you've waited so long to get +square with that woman, when you've had the power in your hands." +She continued silent under the rush of astonishment that his +words produced, and he moved a step closer to ask with low-toned +directness: "Why don't you use those letters of hers you bought +last year?" + +Lily stood speechless under the shock of the interrogation. In +the words preceding it she had conjectured, at most, an allusion +to her supposed influence over George Dorset; nor did the +astonishing indelicacy of the reference diminish the likelihood +of Rosedale's resorting to it. But now she saw how far short of +the mark she had fallen; and the surprise of learning that he had +discovered the secret of the letters left her, for the moment, +unconscious of the special use to which he was in the act of +putting his knowledge. + +Her temporary loss of self-possession gave him time to press his +point; and he went on quickly, as though to secure completer +control of the situation: "You see I know where you stand--I know +how completely she's in your power. That sounds like stage-talk, +don't it?--but there's a lot of truth in some of those old gags; +and I don't suppose you bought those letters simply because +you're collecting autographs." + +She continued to look at him with a deepening bewilderment: her +only clear impression resolved itself into a scared sense of his +power. + +"You're wondering how I found out about 'em?" he went on, +answering her look with a note of conscious pride. "Perhaps +you've forgotten that I'm the owner of the Benedick-but never +mind about that now. Getting on to things is a mighty useful +accomplishment in business, and I've simply extended it to my +private affairs. For this IS partly my affair, you see--at least, +it depends on you to make it so. Let's look the situation +straight in the eye. Mrs. Dorset, for reasons we needn't go into, +did you a beastly bad turn last spring. Everybody knows what Mrs. +Dorset is, and her best friends wouldn't believe her on oath +where their own interests were concerned; but as long as they're +out of the row it's much easier to follow her lead than to set +themselves against it, and you've simply been sacrificed to their +laziness and selfishness. Isn't that a pretty fair statement of +the case?--Well, some people say you've got the neatest kind of +an answer in your hands: that George Dorset would marry you +tomorrow, if you'd tell him all you know, and give him the chance +to show the lady the door. I daresay he would; but you don't seem +to care for that particular form of getting even, and, +taking a purely business view of the question, I think you're +right. In a deal like that, nobody comes out with perfectly clean +hands, and the only way for you to start fresh is to get Bertha +Dorset to back you up, instead of trying to fight her." + +He paused long enough to draw breath, but not to give her time +for the expression of her gathering resistance; and as he pressed +on, expounding and elucidating his idea with the directness of +the man who has no doubts of his cause, she found the indignation +gradually freezing on her lip, found herself held fast in the +grasp of his argument by the mere cold strength of its +presentation. There was no time now to wonder how he had heard of +her obtaining the letters: all her world was dark outside the +monstrous glare of his scheme for using them. And it was not, +after the first moment, the horror of the idea that held her +spell-bound, subdued to his will; it was rather its subtle +affinity to her own inmost cravings. He would marry her tomorrow +if she could regain Bertha Dorset's friendship; and to induce the +open resumption of that friendship, and the tacit retractation of +all that had caused its withdrawal, she had only to put to the +lady the latent menace contained in the packet so miraculously +delivered into her hands. Lily saw in a flash the advantage of +this course over that which poor Dorset had pressed upon her. The +other plan depended for its success on the infliction of an open +injury, while this reduced the transaction to a private +understanding, of which no third person need have the remotest +hint. Put by Rosedale in terms of business-like give-and-take, +this understanding took on the harmless air of a mutual +accommodation, like a transfer of property or a revision of +boundary lines. It certainly simplified life to view it as a +perpetual adjustment, a play of party politics, in which every +concession had its recognized equivalent: Lily's tired mind was +fascinated by this escape from fluctuating ethical estimates into +a region of concrete weights and measures. + +Rosedale, as she listened, seemed to read in her silence not only +a gradual acquiescence in his plan, but a dangerously far- +reaching perception of the chances it offered; for as she +continued to stand before him without speaking, he broke out, +with a quick return upon himself: "You see how simple it is, +don't you? Well, don't be carried away by the idea that it's TOO simple. +It isn't exactly as if you'd started in with a clean +bill of health. Now we're talking let's call things by +their right names, and clear the whole business up. You know well +enough that Bertha Dorset couldn't have touched you if there +hadn't been--well--questions asked before--little points of +interrogation, eh? Bound to happen to a good-looking girl with +stingy relatives, I suppose; anyhow, they DID happen, and she +found the ground prepared for her. Do you see where I'm coming +out? You don't want these little questions cropping up again. +It's one thing to get Bertha Dorset into line--but what you want +is to keep her there. You can frighten her fast enough--but how +are you going to keep her frightened? By showing her that you're +as powerful as she is. All the letters in the world won't do that +for you as you are now; but with a big backing behind you, you'll +keep her just where you want her to be. That's MY share in the +business--that's what I'm offering you. You can't put the thing +through without me--don't run away with any idea that you can. In +six months you'd be back again among your old worries, or worse +ones; and here I am, ready to lift you out of 'em tomorrow if you +say so. DO you say so, Miss Lily?" he added, moving suddenly +nearer. + +The words, and the movement which accompanied them, combined to +startle Lily out of the state of tranced subservience into which +she had insensibly slipped. Light comes in devious ways to the +groping consciousness, and it came to her now through the +disgusted perception that her would-be accomplice assumed, as a +matter of course, the likelihood of her distrusting him and +perhaps trying to cheat him of his share of the spoils. This +glimpse of his inner mind seemed to present the whole transaction +in a new aspect, and she saw that the essential baseness of the +act lay in its freedom from risk. + +She drew back with a quick gesture of rejection, saying, in a +voice that was a surprise to her own ears: "You are +mistaken--quite mistaken--both in the facts and in what you infer +from them." + +Rosedale stared a moment, puzzled by her sudden dash in a +direction so different from that toward which she had appeared to +be letting him guide her. + +"Now what on earth does that mean? I thought we understood each +other!" he exclaimed; and to her murmur of "Ah, we do NOW," he +retorted with a sudden burst of violence: "I suppose it's because +the letters are to HIM, then? Well, I'll be damned if I see what +thanks you've got from him!" + + + +Chapter 8 + +The autumn days declined to winter. Once more the leisure world +was in transition between country and town, and Fifth Avenue, +still deserted at the week-end, showed from Monday to Friday a +broadening stream of carriages between house-fronts gradually +restored to consciousness. + +The Horse Show, some two weeks earlier, had produced a passing +semblance of reanimation, filling the theatres and restaurants +with a human display of the same costly and high-stepping kind as +circled daily about its ring. In Miss Bart's world the Horse +Show, and the public it attracted, had ostensibly come to be +classed among the spectacles disdained of the elect; but, as the +feudal lord might sally forth to join in the dance on his village +green, so society, unofficially and incidentally, still +condescended to look in upon the scene. Mrs. Gormer, among the +rest, was not above seizing such an occasion for the display of +herself and her horses; and Lily was given one or two +opportunities of appearing at her friend's side in the most +conspicuous box the house afforded. But this lingering semblance +of intimacy made her only the more conscious of a change in the +relation between Mattie and herself, of a dawning discrimination, +a gradually formed social standard, emerging from Mrs. Gormer's +chaotic view of life. It was inevitable that Lily herself should +constitute the first sacrifice to this new ideal, and she knew +that, once the Gormers were established in town, the whole drift +of fashionable life would facilitate Mattie's detachment from +her. She had, in short, failed to make herself indispensable; or +rather, her attempt to do so had been thwarted by an influence +stronger than any she could exert. That influence, in its last +analysis, was simply the power of money: Bertha Dorset's social +credit was based on an impregnable bank-account. + +Lily knew that Rosedale had overstated neither the difficulty of +her own position nor the completeness of the vindication he +offered: once Bertha's match in material resources, her superior +gifts would make it easy for her to dominate her adversary. An +understanding of what such domination would mean, and of the +disadvantages accruing from her rejection of it, was +brought home to Lily with increasing clearness during the early +weeks of the winter. Hitherto, she had kept up a semblance of +movement outside the main flow of the social current; but with +the return to town, and the concentrating of scattered +activities, the mere fact of not slipping back naturally into her +old habits of life marked her as being unmistakably excluded from +them. If one were not a part of the season's fixed routine, one +swung unsphered in a void of social non-existence. Lily, for all +her dissatisfied dreaming, had never really conceived the +possibility of revolving about a different centre: it was easy +enough to despise the world, but decidedly difficult to find any +other habitable region. Her sense of irony never quite deserted +her, and she could still note, with self-directed derision, the +abnormal value suddenly acquired by the most tiresome and +insignificant details of her former life. Its very drudgeries had +a charm now that she was involuntarily released from them: +card-leaving, note-writing, enforced civilities to the dull and +elderly, and the smiling endurance of tedious dinners--how +pleasantly such obligations would have filled the emptiness of +her days! She did indeed leave cards in plenty; she kept herself, +with a smiling and valiant persistence, well in the eye of her +world; nor did she suffer any of those gross rebuffs which +sometimes produce a wholesome reaction of contempt in their +victim. Society did not turn away from her, it simply drifted by, +preoccupied and inattentive, letting her feel, to the full +measure of her humbled pride, how completely she had been the +creature of its favour. + +She had rejected Rosedale's suggestion with a promptness of scorn +almost surprising to herself: she had not lost her capacity for +high flashes of indignation. But she could not breathe long on +the heights; there had been nothing in her training to develop +any continuity of moral strength: what she craved, and really +felt herself entitled to, was a situation in which the noblest +attitude should also be the easiest. Hitherto her intermittent +impulses of resistance had sufficed to maintain her self-respect. +If she slipped she recovered her footing, and it was only +afterward that she was aware of having recovered it each time on +a slightly lower level. She had rejected Rosedale's offer without +conscious effort; her whole being had risen against it; +and she did not yet perceive that, by the mere act of listening +to him, she had learned to live with ideas which would once have +been intolerable to her. + + + + +To Gerty Farish, keeping watch over her with a tenderer if less +discerning eye than Mrs. Fisher's, the results of the struggle +were already distinctly visible. She did not, indeed, know what +hostages Lily had already given to expediency; but she saw her +passionately and irretrievably pledged to the ruinous policy of +"keeping up." Gerty could smile now at her own early dream of her +friend's renovation through adversity: she understood clearly +enough that Lily was not of those to whom privation teaches the +unimportance of what they have lost. But this very fact, to +Gerty, made her friend the more piteously in want of aid, the +more exposed to the claims of a tenderness she was so little +conscious of needing. + +Lily, since her return to town, had not often climbed Miss +Farish's stairs. There was something irritating to her in the +mute interrogation of Gerty's sympathy: she felt the real +difficulties of her situation to be incommunicable to any one +whose theory of values was so different from her own, and the +restrictions of Gerty's life, which had once had the charm of +contrast, now reminded her too painfully of the limits to which +her own existence was shrinking. When at length, one afternoon, +she put into execution the belated resolve to visit her friend, +this sense of shrunken opportunities possessed her with unusual +intensity. The walk up Fifth Avenue, unfolding before her, in the +brilliance of the hard winter sunlight, an interminable +procession of fastidiously-equipped carriages--giving her, +through the little squares of brougham-windows, peeps of familiar +profiles bent above visiting-lists, of hurried hands dispensing +notes and cards to attendant footmen--this glimpse of the +ever-revolving wheels of the great social machine made Lily more +than ever conscious of the steepness and narrowness of Gerty's +stairs, and of the cramped blind alley of life to which they led. +Dull stairs destined to be mounted by dull people: how many +thousands of insignificant figures were going up and down such +stairs all over the world at that very moment--figures as shabby +and uninteresting as that of the middle-aged lady in limp +black who descended Gerty's flight as Lily climbed to it! + +"That was poor Miss Jane Silverton--she came to talk things over +with me: she and her sister want to do something to support +themselves," Gerty explained, as Lily followed her into the +sitting-room. + +"To support themselves? Are they so hard up?" Miss Bart asked +with a touch of irritation: she had not come to listen to the +woes of other people. + +"I'm afraid they have nothing left: Ned's debts have swallowed up +everything. They had such hopes, you know, when he broke away +from Carry Fisher; they thought Bertha Dorset would be such a +good influence, because she doesn't care for cards, and--well, +she talked quite beautifully to poor Miss Jane about feeling as +if Ned were her younger brother, and wanting to carry him off on +the yacht, so that he might have a chance to drop cards and +racing, and take up his literary work again." + +Miss Farish paused with a sigh which reflected the perplexity of +her departing visitor. "But that isn't all; it isn't even the +worst. It seems that Ned has quarrelled with the Dorsets; or at +least Bertha won't allow him to see her, and he is so unhappy +about it that he has taken to gambling again, and going about +with all sorts of queer people. And cousin Grace Van Osburgh +accuses him of having had a very bad influence on Freddy, who +left Harvard last spring, and has been a great deal with Ned ever +since. She sent for Miss Jane, and made a dreadful scene; and +Jack Stepney and Herbert Melson, who were there too, told Miss +Jane that Freddy was threatening to marry some dreadful woman to +whom Ned had introduced him, and that they could do nothing with +him because now he's of age he has his own money. You can fancy +how poor Miss Jane felt--she came to me at once, and seemed to +think that if I could get her something to do she could earn +enough to pay Ned's debts and send him away--I'm afraid she has +no idea how long it would take her to pay for one of his evenings +at bridge. And he was horribly in debt when he came back from the +cruise--I can't see why he should have spent so much more money +under Bertha's influence than Carry's: can you?" + +Lily met this query with an impatient gesture. "My dear Gerty, I +always understand how people can spend much more money--never how +they can spend any less!" + +She loosened her furs and settled herself in Gerty's easy-chair, +while her friend busied herself with the tea-cups. + +"But what can they do--the Miss Silvertons? How do they mean to +support themselves?" she asked, conscious that the note of +irritation still persisted in her voice. It was the very last +topic she had meant to discuss--it really did not interest her in +the least--but she was seized by a sudden perverse curiosity to +know how the two colourless shrinking victims of young +Silverton's sentimental experiments meant to cope with the grim +necessity which lurked so close to her own threshold. + +"I don't know--I am trying to find something for them. Miss Jane +reads aloud very nicely--but it's so hard to find any one who is +willing to be read to. And Miss Annie paints a little---" + +"Oh, I know--apple-blossoms on blotting-paper; just the kind of +thing I shall be doing myself before long!" exclaimed Lily, +starting up with a vehemence of movement that threatened +destruction to Miss Farish's fragile tea-table. + +Lily bent over to steady the cups; then she sank back into her +seat. "I'd forgotten there was no room to dash about in--how +beautifully one does have to behave in a small flat! Oh, Gerty, I +wasn't meant to be good," she sighed out incoherently. + +Gerty lifted an apprehensive look to her pale face, in which the +eyes shone with a peculiar sleepless lustre. + +"You look horribly tired, Lily; take your tea, and let me give +you this cushion to lean against." + +Miss Bart accepted the cup of tea, but put back the cushion with +an impatient hand. + +"Don't give me that! I don't want to lean back--I shall go to +sleep if I do." + +"Well, why not, dear? I'll be as quiet as a mouse," Gerty urged +affectionately. + +"No--no; don't be quiet; talk to me--keep me awake! I don't sleep +at night, and in the afternoon a dreadful drowsiness creeps over +me." + +"You don't sleep at night? Since when?" + +"I don't know--I can't remember." She rose and put the empty cup +on the tea-tray. "Another, and stronger, please; if I don't keep +awake now I shall see horrors tonight--perfect horrors!" + +"But they'll be worse if you drink too much tea." + +"No, no--give it to me; and don't preach, please," Lily returned +imperiously. Her voice had a dangerous edge, and Gerty noticed +that her hand shook as she held it out to receive the second cup. + +"But you look so tired: I'm sure you must be ill---" + +Miss Bart set down her cup with a start. "Do I look ill? Does my +face show it?" She rose and walked quickly toward the little +mirror above the writing-table. "What a horrid +looking-glass--it's all blotched and discoloured. Any one would +look ghastly in it!" She turned back, fixing her plaintive eyes +on Gerty. "You stupid dear, why do you say such odious things to +me? It's enough to make one ill to be told one looks so! And +looking ill means looking ugly." She caught Gerty's wrists, and +drew her close to the window. "After all, I'd rather know the +truth. Look me straight in the face, Gerty, and tell me: am I +perfectly frightful?" + +"You're perfectly beautiful now, Lily: your eyes are shining, and +your cheeks have grown so pink all of a sudden---" + +"Ah, they WERE pale, then--ghastly pale, when I came in? Why +don't you tell me frankly that I'm a wreck? My eyes are bright +now because I'm so nervous--but in the mornings they look like +lead. And I can see the lines coming in my face--the lines of +worry and disappointment and failure! Every sleepless night +leaves a new one--and how can I sleep, when I have such dreadful +things to think about?" + +"Dreadful things--what things?" asked Gerty, gently detaching her +wrists from her friend's feverish fingers. + +"What things? Well, poverty, for one--and I don't know any that's +more dreadful." Lily turned away and sank with sudden weariness +into the easy-chair near the tea-table. "You asked me just now if +I could understand why Ned Silverton spent so much money. Of +course I understand--he spends it on living with the rich. You +think we live ON the rich, rather than with them: and so we do, +in a sense--but it's a privilege we have to pay for! We eat their +dinners, and drink their wine, and smoke their cigarettes, and use +their carriages and their opera-boxes and their private cars--yes, +but there's a tax to pay on every one of those luxuries. The man +pays it by big tips to the servants, by playing cards beyond his +means, by flowers and presents--and--and--lots of other things +that cost; the girl pays it by tips and cards too--oh, yes, I've +had to take up bridge again--and by going to the best dress-makers, +and having just the right dress for every occasion, and always +keeping herself fresh and exquisite and amusing!" + +She leaned back for a moment, closing her eyes, and as she sat +there, her pale lips slightly parted, and the lids dropped above +her fagged brilliant gaze, Gerty had a startled perception of the +change in her face--of the way in which an ashen daylight seemed +suddenly to extinguish its artificial brightness. She looked up, +and the vision vanished. + +"It doesn't sound very amusing, does it? And it isn't--I'm sick +to death of it! And yet the thought of giving it all up nearly +kills me--it's what keeps me awake at night, and makes me so +crazy for your strong tea. For I can't go on in this way much +longer, you know--I'm nearly at the end of my tether. And then +what can I do--how on earth am I to keep myself alive? I see +myself reduced to the fate of that poor Silverton woman--slinking +about to employment agencies, and trying to sell painted +blotting-pads to Women's Exchanges! And there are thousands and +thousands of women trying to do the same thing already, and not +one of the number who has less idea how to earn a dollar than I +have!" + +She rose again with a hurried glance at the clock. "It's late, +and I must be off--I have an appointment with Carry Fisher. Don't +look so worried, you dear thing--don't think too much about the +nonsense I've been talking." She was before the mirror again, +adjusting her hair with a light hand, drawing down her veil, and +giving a dexterous touch to her furs. "Of course, you know, it +hasn't come to the employment agencies and the painted +blotting-pads yet; but I'm rather hard-up just for the moment, +and if I could find something to do--notes to write and +visiting-lists to make up, or that kind of thing--it would tide +me over till the legacy is paid. And Carry has promised to find +somebody who wants a kind of social secretary--you know she makes +a specialty of the helpless rich." + + + + +Miss Bart had not revealed to Gerty the full extent of her +anxiety. She was in fact in urgent and immediate need of money: +money to meet the vulgar weekly claims which could neither be +deferred nor evaded. To give up her apartment, and shrink to the +obscurity of a boarding-house, or the provisional hospitality of +a bed in Gerty Farish's sitting-room, was an expedient which +could only postpone the problem confronting her; and it seemed +wiser as well as more agreeable to remain where she was and find +some means of earning her living. The possibility of having to do +this was one which she had never before seriously considered, and +the discovery that, as a bread-winner, she was likely to prove as +helpless and ineffectual as poor Miss Silverton, was a severe +shock to her self-confidence. + +Having been accustomed to take herself at the popular valuation, +as a person of energy and resource, naturally fitted to dominate +any situation in which she found herself, she vaguely imagined +that such gifts would be of value to seekers after social +guidance; but there was unfortunately no specific head under +which the art of saying and doing the right thing could be +offered in the market, and even Mrs. Fisher's resourcefulness +failed before the difficulty of discovering a workable vein in +the vague wealth of Lily's graces. Mrs. Fisher was full of +indirect expedients for enabling her friends to earn a living, +and could conscientiously assert that she had put several +opportunities of this kind before Lily; but more legitimate +methods of bread-winning were as much out of her line as they +were beyond the capacity of the sufferers she was generally +called upon to assist. Lily's failure to profit by the chances +already afforded her might, moreover, have justified the +abandonment of farther effort on her behalf; but Mrs. Fisher's +inexhaustible good-nature made her an adept at creating +artificial demands in response to an actual supply. In the +pursuance of this end she at once started on a voyage of +discovery in Miss Bart's behalf; and as the result of her +explorations she now summoned the latter with the announcement +that she had "found something." + + + + +Left to herself, Gerty mused distressfully upon her friend's +plight, and her own inability to relieve it. It was clear to her +that Lily, for the present, had no wish for the kind of help she +could give. Miss Farish could see no hope for her friend but in a +life completely reorganized and detached from its old +associations; whereas all Lily's energies were centred in the +determined effort to hold fast to those associations, to keep +herself visibly identified with them, as long as the illusion +could be maintained. Pitiable as such an attitude seemed to +Gerty, she could not judge it as harshly as Selden, for instance, +might have done. She had not forgotten the night of emotion when +she and Lily had lain in each other's arms, and she had seemed to +feel her very heart's blood passing into her friend. The +sacrifice she had made had seemed unavailing enough; no trace +remained in Lily of the subduing influences of that hour; but +Gerty's tenderness, disciplined by long years of contact with +obscure and inarticulate suffering, could wait on its object with +a silent forbearance which took no account of time. She could +not, however, deny herself the solace of taking anxious counsel +with Lawrence Selden, with whom, since his return from Europe, +she had renewed her old relation of cousinly confidence. + +Selden himself had never been aware of any change in their +relation. He found Gerty as he had left her, simple, undemanding +and devoted, but with a quickened intelligence of the heart which +he recognized without seeking to explain it. To Gerty herself it +would once have seemed impossible that she should ever again talk +freely with him of Lily Bart; but what had passed in the secrecy +of her own breast seemed to resolve itself, when the mist of the +struggle cleared, into a breaking down of the bounds of self, a +deflecting of the wasted personal emotion into the general +current of human understanding. + +It was not till some two weeks after her visit from Lily that +Gerty had the opportunity of communicating her fears to Selden. +The latter, having presented himself on a Sunday afternoon, had +lingered on through the dowdy animation of his cousin's +tea-hour, conscious of something in her voice and eye which +solicited a word apart; and as soon as the last visitor was gone +Gerty opened her case by asking how lately he had seen Miss Bart. + +Selden's perceptible pause gave her time for a slight stir of +surprise. + +"I haven't seen her at all--I've perpetually missed seeing her +since she came back." + +This unexpected admission made Gerty pause too; and she was still +hesitating on the brink of her subject when he relieved her by +adding: "I've wanted to see her--but she seems to have been +absorbed by the Gormer set since her return from Europe." + +"That's all the more reason: she's been very unhappy." + +"Unhappy at being with the Gormers?" + +"Oh, I don't defend her intimacy with the Gormers; but that too +is at an end now, I think. You know people have been very unkind +since Bertha Dorset quarrelled with her." + +"Ah---" Selden exclaimed, rising abruptly to walk to the window, +where he remained with his eyes on the darkening street while his +cousin continued to explain: "Judy Trenor and her own family have +deserted her too--and all because Bertha Dorset has said such +horrible things. And she is very poor--you know Mrs. Peniston cut +her off with a small legacy, after giving her to understand that +she was to have everything." + +"Yes--I know," Selden assented curtly, turning back into the +room, but only to stir about with restless steps in the +circumscribed space between door and window. "Yes--she's been +abominably treated; but it's unfortunately the precise thing that +a man who wants to show his sympathy can't say to her." + +His words caused Gerty a slight chill of disappointment. "There +would be other ways of showing your sympathy," she suggested. + +Selden, with a slight laugh, sat down beside her on the little +sofa which projected from the hearth. "What are you thinking of, +you incorrigible missionary?" he asked. + +Gerty's colour rose, and her blush was for a moment her only +answer. Then she made it more explicit by saying: "I am +thinking of the fact that you and she used to be great +friends--that she used to care immensely for what you thought of +her--and that, if she takes your staying away as a sign of what +you think now, I can imagine its adding a great deal to her +unhappiness." + +"My dear child, don't add to it still more--at least to your +conception of it--by attributing to her all sorts of +susceptibilities of your own." Selden, for his life, could not +keep a note of dryness out of his voice; but he met Gerty's look +of perplexity by saying more mildly: "But, though you immensely +exaggerate the importance of anything I could do for Miss Bart, +you can't exaggerate my readiness to do it--if you ask me to." He +laid his hand for a moment on hers, and there passed between +them, on the current of the rare contact, one of those exchanges +of meaning which fill the hidden reservoirs of affection. Gerty +had the feeling that he measured the cost of her request as +plainly as she read the significance of his reply; and the sense +of all that was suddenly clear between them made her next words +easier to find. + +"I do ask you, then; I ask you because she once told me that you +had been a help to her, and because she needs help now as she has +never needed it before. You know how dependent she has always +been on ease and luxury--how she has hated what was shabby and +ugly and uncomfortable. She can't help it--she was brought up +with those ideas, and has never been able to find her way out of +them. But now all the things she cared for have been taken from +her, and the people who taught her to care for them have +abandoned her too; and it seems to me that if some one could +reach out a hand and show her the other side--show her how much +is left in life and in herself---" Gerty broke off, abashed at +the sound of her own eloquence, and impeded by the difficulty of +giving precise expression to her vague yearning for her friend's +retrieval. "I can't help her myself: she's passed out of my +reach," she continued. "I think she's afraid of being a burden to +me. When she was last here, two weeks ago, she seemed dreadfully +worried about her future: she said Carry Fisher was trying to +find something for her to do. A few days later she wrote me that +she had taken a position as private secretary, and that I was not +to be anxious, for everything was all right, and she +would come in and tell me about it when she had time; but she has +never come, and I don't like to go to her, because I am afraid of +forcing myself on her when I'm not wanted. Once, when we were +children, and I had rushed up after a long separation, and thrown +my arms about her, she said: 'Please don't kiss me unless I ask +you to, Gerty'--and she DID ask me, a minute later; but since +then I've always waited to be asked." + +Selden had listened in silence, with the concentrated look which +his thin dark face could assume when he wished to guard it +against any involuntary change of expression. When his cousin +ended, he said with a slight smile: "Since you've learned the +wisdom of waiting, I don't see why you urge me to rush in--" but +the troubled appeal of her eyes made him add, as he rose to take +leave: "Still, I'll do what you wish, and not hold you +responsible for my failure." + +Selden's avoidance of Miss Bart had not been as unintentional as +he had allowed his cousin to think. At first, indeed, while the +memory of their last hour at Monte Carlo still held the full heat +of his indignation, he had anxiously watched for her return; but +she had disappointed him by lingering in England, and when she +finally reappeared it happened that business had called him to the +West, whence he came back only to learn that she was starting for +Alaska with the Gormers. The revelation of this suddenly-established +intimacy effectually chilled his desire to see her. If, at a +moment when her whole life seemed to be breaking up, she could +cheerfully commit its reconstruction to the Gormers, there was no +reason why such accidents should ever strike her as irreparable. +Every step she took seemed in fact to carry her farther from the +region where, once or twice, he and she had met for an illumined +moment; and the recognition of this fact, when its first pang had +been surmounted, produced in him a sense of negative relief. It was +much simpler for him to judge Miss Bart by her habitual conduct +than by the rare deviations from it which had thrown her so +disturbingly in his way; and every act of hers which made the +recurrence of such deviations more unlikely, confirmed the sense +of relief with which he returned to the conventional view of her. + +But Gerty Farish's words had sufficed to make him see how +little this view was really his, and how impossible it was for +him to live quietly with the thought of Lily Bart. To hear that +she was in need of help--even such vague help as he could +offer--was to be at once repossessed by that thought; and by the +time he reached the street he had sufficiently convinced himself +of the urgency of his cousin's appeal to turn his steps directly +toward Lily's hotel. + +There his zeal met a check in the unforeseen news that Miss Bart +had moved away; but, on his pressing his enquiries, the clerk +remembered that she had left an address, for which he presently +began to search through his books. + +It was certainly strange that she should have taken this step +without letting Gerty Farish know of her decision; and Selden +waited with a vague sense of uneasiness while the address was +sought for. The process lasted long enough for uneasiness to turn +to apprehension; but when at length a slip of paper was handed +him, and he read on it: "Care of Mrs. Norma Hatch, Emporium +Hotel," his apprehension passed into an incredulous stare, and +this into the gesture of disgust with which he tore the paper in +two, and turned to walk quickly homeward. + + + +Chapter 9 + +When Lily woke on the morning after her translation to the +Emporium Hotel, her first feeling was one of purely physical +satisfaction. The force of contrast gave an added keenness to the +luxury of lying once more in a soft-pillowed bed, and looking +across a spacious sunlit room at a breakfast-table set invitingly +near the fire. Analysis and introspection might come later; but +for the moment she was not even troubled by the excesses of the +upholstery or the restless convolutions of the furniture. The +sense of being once more lapped and folded in ease, as in some +dense mild medium impenetrable to discomfort, effectually stilled +the faintest note of criticism. + +When, the afternoon before, she had presented herself to the lady +to whom Carry Fisher had directed her, she had been conscious of +entering a new world. Carry's vague presentment of Mrs. Norma +Hatch (whose reversion to her Christian name was explained as the +result of her latest divorce), left her under the implication of +coming "from the West," with the not unusual extenuation of +having brought a great deal of money with her. She was, in short, +rich, helpless, unplaced: the very subject for Lily's hand. Mrs. +Fisher had not specified the line her friend was to take; she +owned herself unacquainted with Mrs. Hatch, whom she "knew about" +through Melville Stancy, a lawyer in his leisure moments, and the +Falstaff of a certain section of festive dub life. Socially, Mr. +Stancy might have been said to form a connecting link between the +Gormer world and the more dimly-lit region on which Miss Bart now +found herself entering. It was, however, only figuratively that +the illumination of Mrs. Hatch's world could be described as dim: +in actual fact, Lily found her seated in a blaze of electric +light, impartially projected from various ornamental excrescences +on a vast concavity of pink damask and gilding, from which she +rose like Venus from her shell. The analogy was justified by the +appearance of the lady, whose large-eyed prettiness had the +fixity of something impaled and shown under glass. This did not +preclude the immediate discovery that she was some years younger +than her visitor, and that under her showiness, her ease, +the aggression of her dress and voice, there persisted that +ineradicable innocence which, in ladies of her nationality, so +curiously coexists with startling extremes of experience. + +The environment in which Lily found herself was as strange to her +as its inhabitants. She was unacquainted with the world of the +fashionable New York hotel--a world over-heated, +over-upholstered, and over-fitted with mechanical appliances for +the gratification of fantastic requirements, while the comforts +of a civilized life were as unattainable as in a desert. Through +this atmosphere of torrid splendour moved wan beings as richly +upholstered as the furniture, beings without definite pursuits or +permanent relations, who drifted on a languid tide of curiosity +from restaurant to concert-hall, from palm-garden to music-room, +from "art exhibit" to dress-maker's opening. High-stepping horses +or elaborately equipped motors waited to carry these ladies into +vague metropolitan distances, whence they returned, still more +wan from the weight of their sables, to be sucked back into the +stifling inertia of the hotel routine. Somewhere behind them, in +the background of their lives, there was doubtless a real past, +peopled by real human activities: they themselves were probably +the product of strong ambitions, persistent energies, diversified +contacts with the wholesome roughness of life; yet they had no +more real existence than the poet's shades in limbo. + +Lily had not been long in this pallid world without discovering +that Mrs. Hatch was its most substantial figure. That lady, +though still floating in the void, showed faint symptoms of +developing an outline; and in this endeavour she was actively +seconded by Mr. Melville Stancy. It was Mr. Stancy, a man of +large resounding presence, suggestive of convivial occasions and +of a chivalry finding expression in "first-night" boxes and +thousand dollar bonbonnieres, who had transplanted Mrs. Hatch +from the scene of her first development to the higher stage of +hotel life in the metropolis. It was he who had selected the +horses with which she had taken the blue ribbon at the Show, had +introduced her to the photographer whose portraits of her formed +the recurring ornament of "Sunday Supplements," and had got +together the group which constituted her social world. It was a +small group still, with heterogeneous figures suspended +in large unpeopled spaces; but Lily did not take long to learn +that its regulation was no longer in Mr. Stancy's hands. As often +happens, the pupil had outstripped the teacher, and Mrs. Hatch +was already aware of heights of elegance as well as depths of +luxury beyond the world of the Emporium. This discovery at once +produced in her a craving for higher guidance, for the adroit +feminine hand which should give the right turn to her +correspondence, the right "look" to her hats, the right +succession to the items of her MENUS. It was, in short, as the +regulator of a germinating social life that Miss Bart's guidance +was required; her ostensible duties as secretary being restricted +by the fact that Mrs. Hatch, as yet, knew hardly any one to write +to. + +The daily details of Mrs. Hatch's existence were as strange to +Lily as its general tenor. The lady's habits were marked by an +Oriental indolence and disorder peculiarly trying to her +companion. Mrs. Hatch and her friends seemed to float together +outside the bounds of time and space. No definite hours were +kept; no fixed obligations existed: night and day flowed into one +another in a blur of confused and retarded engagements, so that +one had the impression of lunching at the tea-hour, while dinner +was often merged in the noisy after-theatre supper which +prolonged Mrs. Hatch's vigil till daylight. + +Through this jumble of futile activities came and went a strange +throng of hangers-on--manicures, beauty-doctors, hair-dressers, +teachers of bridge, of French, of "physical development": figures +sometimes indistinguishable, by their appearance, or by Mrs. +Hatch's relation to them, from the visitors constituting her +recognized society. But strangest of all to Lily was the +encounter, in this latter group, of several of her acquaintances. +She had supposed, and not without relief, that she was passing, +for the moment, completely out of her own circle; but she found +that Mr. Stancy, one side of whose sprawling existence overlapped +the edge of Mrs. Fisher's world, had drawn several of its +brightest ornaments into the circle of the Emporium. To find Ned +Silverton among the habitual frequenters of Mrs. Hatch's +drawing-room was one of Lily's first astonishments; but she soon +discovered that he was not Mr. Stancy's most important +recruit. It was on little Freddy Van Osburgh, the small slim heir +of the Van Osburgh millions, that the attention of Mrs. Hatch's +group was centred. Freddy, barely out of college, had risen above +the horizon since Lily's eclipse, and she now saw with surprise +what an effulgence he shed on the outer twilight of Mrs. Hatch's +existence. This, then, was one of the things that young men "went +in" for when released from the official social routine; this +was the kind of "previous engagement" that so frequently caused +them to disappoint the hopes of anxious hostesses. Lily had an +odd sense of being behind the social tapestry, on the side where +the threads were knotted and the loose ends hung. For a moment +she found a certain amusement in the show, and in her own share +of it: the situation had an ease and unconventionality distinctly +refreshing after her experience of the irony of conventions. But +these flashes of amusement were but brief reactions from the long +disgust of her days. Compared with the vast gilded void of Mrs. +Hatch's existence, the life of Lily's former friends seemed +packed with ordered activities. Even the most irresponsible +pretty woman of her acquaintance had her inherited obligations, +her conventional benevolences, her share in the working of the +great civic machine; and all hung together in the solidarity of +these traditional functions. The performance of specific duties +would have simplified Miss Bart's position; but the vague +attendance on Mrs. Hatch was not without its perplexities. + +It was not her employer who created these perplexities. Mrs. +Hatch showed from the first an almost touching desire for Lily's +approval. Far from asserting the superiority of wealth, her +beautiful eyes seemed to urge the plea of inexperience: she +wanted to do what was "nice," to be taught how to be "lovely." +The difficulty was to find any point of contact between her +ideals and Lily's. + +Mrs. Hatch swam in a haze of indeterminate enthusiasms, of +aspirations culled from the stage, the newspapers, the fashion +journals, and a gaudy world of sport still more completely beyond +her companion's ken. To separate from these confused conceptions +those most likely to advance the lady on her way, was Lily's +obvious duty; but its performance was hampered by +rapidly-growing doubts. Lily was in fact becoming more and more +aware of a certain ambiguity in her situation. It was not that +she had, in the conventional sense, any doubt of Mrs. Hatch's +irreproachableness. The lady's offences were always against taste +rather than conduct; her divorce record seemed due to +geographical rather than ethical conditions; and her worst +laxities were likely to proceed from a wandering and extravagant +good-nature. But if Lily did not mind her detaining her manicure +for luncheon, or offering the "Beauty-Doctor" a seat in Freddy +Van Osburgh's box at the play, she was not equally at ease in +regard to some less apparent lapses from convention. Ned +Silverton's relation to Stancy seemed, for instance, closer and +less clear than any natural affinities would warrant; and both +appeared united in the effort to cultivate Freddy Van Osburgh's +growing taste for Mrs. Hatch. There was as yet nothing definable +in the situation, which might well resolve itself into a huge +joke on the part of the other two; but Lily had a vague sense +that the subject of their experiment was too young, too rich and +too credulous. Her embarrassment was increased by the fact that +Freddy seemed to regard her as cooperating with himself in the +social development of Mrs. Hatch: a view that suggested, on his +part, a permanent interest in the lady's future. There were +moments when Lily found an ironic amusement in this aspect of the +case. The thought of launching such a missile as Mrs. Hatch at +the perfidious bosom of society was not without its charm: Miss +Bart had even beguiled her leisure with visions of the fair Norma +introduced for the first time to a family banquet at the Van +Osburghs'. But the thought of being personally connected with the +transaction was less agreeable; and her momentary flashes of +amusement were followed by increasing periods of doubt. + +The sense of these doubts was uppermost when, late one afternoon, +she was surprised by a visit from Lawrence Selden. He found her +alone in the wilderness of pink damask, for in Mrs. Hatch's world +the tea-hour was not dedicated to social rites, and the lady was +in the hands of her masseuse. + +Selden's entrance had caused Lily an inward start of +embarrassment; but his air of constraint had the effect of +restoring her self-possession, and she took at once the tone of +surprise and pleasure, wondering frankly that he should +have traced her to so unlikely a place, and asking what had +inspired him to make the search. + +Selden met this with an unusual seriousness: she had never seen +him so little master of the situation, so plainly at the mercy of +any obstructions she might put in his way. "I wanted to see you," +he said; and she could not resist observing in reply that he had +kept his wishes under remarkable control. She had in truth felt +his long absence as one of the chief bitternesses of the last +months: his desertion had wounded sensibilities far below the +surface of her pride. + +Selden met the challenge with directness. "Why should I have +come, unless I thought I could be of use to you? It is my only +excuse for imagining you could want me." + +This struck her as a clumsy evasion, and the thought gave a flash +of keenness to her answer. "Then you have come now because you +think you can be of use to me?" + +He hesitated again. "Yes: in the modest capacity of a person to +talk things over with." + +For a clever man it was certainly a stupid beginning; and the +idea that his awkwardness was due to the fear of her attaching a +personal significance to his visit, chilled her pleasure in +seeing him. Even under the most adverse conditions, that pleasure +always made itself felt: she might hate him, but she had never +been able to wish him out of the room. She was very near hating +him now; yet the sound of his voice, the way the light fell on +his thin dark hair, the way he sat and moved and wore his +clothes--she was conscious that even these trivial things were +inwoven with her deepest life. In his presence a sudden stillness +came upon her, and the turmoil of her spirit ceased; but an +impulse of resistance to this stealing influence now prompted her +to say: "It's very good of you to present yourself in that +capacity; but what makes you think I have anything particular to +talk about?" + +Though she kept the even tone of light intercourse, the question +was framed in a way to remind him that his good offices were +unsought; and for a moment Selden was checked by it. The +situation between them was one which could have been cleared up +only by a sudden explosion of feeling; and their whole training +and habit of mind were against the chances of such an +explosion. Selden's calmness seemed rather to harden into +resistance, and Miss Bart's into a surface of glittering irony, +as they faced each other from the opposite corners of one of Mrs. +Hatch's elephantine sofas. The sofa in question, and the +apartment peopled by its monstrous mates, served at length to +suggest the turn of Selden's reply. + +"Gerty told me that you were acting as Mrs. Hatch's secretary; +and I knew she was anxious to hear how you were getting on." + +Miss Bart received this explanation without perceptible +softening. "Why didn't she look me up herself, then?" she asked. + +"Because, as you didn't send her your address, she was afraid of +being importunate." Selden continued with a smile: "You see no +such scruples restrained me; but then I haven't as much to risk +if I incur your displeasure." + +Lily answered his smile. "You haven't incurred it as yet; but I +have an idea that you are going to." + +"That rests with you, doesn't it? You see my initiative doesn't +go beyond putting myself at your disposal." + +"But in what capacity? What am I to do with you?" she asked in +the same light tone. + +Selden again glanced about Mrs. Hatch's drawing-room; then he +said, with a decision which he seemed to have gathered from this +final inspection: "You are to let me take you away from here." + +Lily flushed at the suddenness of the attack; then she stiffened +under it and said coldly: "And may I ask where you mean me to +go?" + +"Back to Gerty in the first place, if you will; the essential +thing is that it should be away from here." + +The unusual harshness of his tone might have shown her how much +the words cost him; but she was in no state to measure his +feelings while her own were in a flame of revolt. To neglect her, +perhaps even to avoid her, at a time when she had most need of +her friends, and then suddenly and unwarrantably to break into +her life with this strange assumption of authority, was to rouse +in her every instinct of pride and self-defence. + +"I am very much obliged to you," she said, "for taking such +an interest in my plans; but I am quite contented where I am, +and have no intention of leaving." + +Selden had risen, and was standing before her in an attitude of +uncontrollable expectancy. + +"That simply means that you don't know where you are!" he +exclaimed. + +Lily rose also, with a quick flash of anger. "If you have come +here to say disagreeable things about Mrs. Hatch---" + +"It is only with your relation to Mrs. Hatch that I am +concerned." + +"My relation to Mrs. Hatch is one I have no reason to be ashamed +of. She has helped me to earn a living when my old friends were +quite resigned to seeing me starve." + +"Nonsense! Starvation is not the only alternative. You know you +can always find a home with Gerty till you are independent +again." + +"You show such an intimate acquaintance with my affairs that I +suppose you mean--till my aunt's legacy is paid?" + +"I do mean that; Gerty told me of it," Selden acknowledged +without embarrassment. He was too much in earnest now to feel any +false constraint in speaking his mind. + +"But Gerty does not happen to know," Miss Bart rejoined, "that I +owe every penny of that legacy." + +"Good God!" Selden exclaimed, startled out of his composure by +the abruptness of the statement. + +"Every penny of it, and more too," Lily repeated; "and you now +perhaps see why I prefer to remain with Mrs. Hatch rather than +take advantage of Gerty's kindness. I have no money left, except +my small income, and I must earn something more to keep myself +alive." + +Selden hesitated a moment; then he rejoined in a quieter tone: +"But with your income and Gerty's--since you allow me to go so +far into the details of the situation--you and she could surely +contrive a life together which would put you beyond the need of +having to support yourself. Gerty, I know, is eager to make such +an arrangement, and would be quite happy in it---" + +"But I should not," Miss Bart interposed. "There are many reasons +why it would be neither kind to Gerty nor wise for myself." She +paused a moment, and as he seemed to await a farther +explanation, added with a quick lift of her head: "You will +perhaps excuse me from giving you these reasons." + +"I have no claim to know them," Selden answered, ignoring her +tone; "no claim to offer any comment or suggestion beyond the one +I have already made. And my right to make that is simply the +universal right of a man to enlighten a woman when he sees her +unconsciously placed in a false position." + +Lily smiled. "I suppose," she rejoined, "that by a false position +you mean one outside of what we call society; but you must +remember that I had been excluded from those sacred precincts +long before I met Mrs. Hatch. As far as I can see, there is very +little real difference in being inside or out, and I remember +your once telling me that it was only those inside who took the +difference seriously." + +She had not been without intention in making this allusion to +their memorable talk at Bellomont, and she waited with an odd +tremor of the nerves to see what response it would bring; but the +result of the experiment was disappointing. Selden did not allow +the allusion to deflect him from his point; he merely said with +completer fulness of emphasis: "The question of being inside or +out is, as you say, a small one, and it happens to have nothing +to do with the case, except in so far as Mrs. Hatch's desire to +be inside may put you in the position I call false." + +In spite of the moderation of his tone, each word he spoke had +the effect of confirming Lily's resistance. The very +apprehensions he aroused hardened her against him: she had been +on the alert for the note of personal sympathy, for any sign of +recovered power over him; and his attitude of sober impartiality, +the absence of all response to her appeal, turned her hurt pride +to blind resentment of his interference. The conviction that he +had been sent by Gerty, and that, whatever straits he conceived +her to be in, he would never voluntarily have come to her aid, +strengthened her resolve not to admit him a hair's breadth +farther into her confidence. However doubtful she might feel her +situation to be, she would rather persist in darkness than owe +her enlightenment to Selden. + +"I don't know," she said, when he had ceased to speak, "why you +imagine me to be situated as you describe; but as you +have always told me that the sole object of a bringing-up like +mine was to teach a girl to get what she wants, why not assume +that that is precisely what I am doing?" + +The smile with which she summed up her case was like a clear +barrier raised against farther confidences: its brightness held +him at such a distance that he had a sense of being almost out of +hearing as he rejoined: "I am not sure that I have ever called +you a successful example of that kind of bringing-up." + +Her colour rose a little at the implication, but she steeled +herself with a light laugh. "Ah, wait a little longer--give me a +little more time before you decide!" And as he wavered before +her, still watching for a break in the impenetrable front she +presented: "Don't give me up; I may still do credit to my +training!" she affirmed. + + + +Chapter 10 + +"Look at those spangles, Miss Bart--every one of 'em sewed on +crooked." + +The tall forewoman, a pinched perpendicular figure, dropped the +condemned structure of wire and net on the table at Lily's side, +and passed on to the next figure in the line. + +There were twenty of them in the work-room, their fagged +profiles, under exaggerated hair, bowed in the harsh north light +above the utensils of their art; for it was something more than +an industry, surely, this creation of ever-varied settings for +the face of fortunate womanhood. Their own faces were sallow with +the unwholesomeness of hot air and sedentary toil, rather than +with any actual signs of want: they were employed in a +fashionable millinery establishment, and were fairly well clothed +and well paid; but the youngest among them was as dull and +colourless as the middle-aged. In the whole work-room there was +only one skin beneath which the blood still visibly played; and +that now burned with vexation as Miss Bart, under the lash of the +forewoman's comment, began to strip the hat-frame of its +over-lapping spangles. + +To Gerty Farish's hopeful spirit a solution appeared to have been +reached when she remembered how beautifully Lily could trim hats. +Instances of young lady-milliners establishing themselves under +fashionable patronage, and imparting to their "creations" that +indefinable touch which the professional hand can never give, had +flattered Gerty's visions of the future, and convinced even Lily +that her separation from Mrs. Norma Hatch need not reduce her to +dependence on her friends. + +The parting had occurred a few weeks after Selden's visit, and +would have taken place sooner had it not been for the resistance +set up in Lily by his ill-starred offer of advice. The sense of +being involved in a transaction she would not have cared to +examine too closely had soon afterward defined itself in the +light of a hint from Mr. Stancy that, if she "saw them through," +she would have no reason to be sorry. The implication that such +loyalty would meet with a direct reward had hastened her flight, +and flung her back, ashamed and penitent, on the broad bosom of +Gerty's sympathy. She did not, however, propose to lie there +prone, and Gerty's inspiration about the hats at once revived her +hopes of profitable activity. Here was, after all, something that +her charming listless hands could really do; she had no doubt of +their capacity for knotting a ribbon or placing a flower to +advantage. And of course only these finishing touches would be +expected of her: subordinate fingers, blunt, grey, needle-pricked +fingers, would prepare the shapes and stitch the linings, while +she presided over the charming little front shop--a shop all white +panels, mirrors, and moss-green hangings--where her finished +creations, hats, wreaths, aigrettes and the rest, perched on their +stands like birds just poising for flight. + +But at the very outset of Gerty's campaign this vision of the +green-and-white shop had been dispelled. Other young ladies of +fashion had been thus "set-up," selling their hats by the mere +attraction of a name and the reputed knack of tying a bow; but +these privileged beings could command a faith in their powers +materially expressed by the readiness to pay their shop-rent and +advance a handsome sum for current expenses. Where was Lily to +find such support? And even could it have been found, how were +the ladies on whose approval she depended to be induced to give +her their patronage? Gerty learned that whatever sympathy her +friend's case might have excited a few months since had been +imperilled, if not lost, by her association with Mrs. Hatch. Once +again, Lily had withdrawn from an ambiguous situation in time to +save her self-respect, but too late for public vindication. +Freddy Van Osburgh was not to marry Mrs. Hatch; he had been +rescued at the eleventh hour--some said by the efforts of Gus +Trenor and Rosedale--and despatched to Europe with old Ned Van +Alstyne; but the risk he had run would always be ascribed to Miss +Bart's connivance, and would somehow serve as a summing-up and +corroboration of the vague general distrust of her. It was a +relief to those who had hung back from her to find themselves +thus justified, and they were inclined to insist a little on her +connection with the Hatch case in order to show that they had +been right. + +Gerty's quest, at any rate, brought up against a solid wall of +resistance; and even when Carry Fisher, momentarily penitent for +her share in the Hatch affair, joined her efforts to Miss Farish's, +they met with no better success. Gerty had tried to veil her +failure in tender ambiguities; but Carry, always the soul of +candour, put the case squarely to her friend. + +"I went straight to Judy Trenor; she has fewer prejudices than +the others, and besides she's always hated Bertha Dorset. But +what HAVE you done to her, Lily? At the very first word about +giving you a start she flamed out about some money you'd got from +Gus; I never knew her so hot before. You know she'll let him do +anything but spend money on his friends: the only reason she's +decent to me now is that she knows I'm not hard up.--He +speculated for you, you say? Well, what's the harm? He had no +business to lose. He DIDN'T lose? Then what on earth--but I never +COULD understand you, Lily!" + +The end of it was that, after anxious enquiry and much +deliberation, Mrs. Fisher and Gerty, for once oddly united in +their effort to help their friend, decided on placing her in the +work-room of Mme. Regina's renowned millinery establishment. Even +this arrangement was not effected without considerable +negotiation, for Mme. Regina had a strong prejudice against +untrained assistance, and was induced to yield only by the fact +that she owed the patronage of Mrs. Bry and Mrs. Gormer to Carry +Fisher's influence. She had been willing from the first to employ +Lily in the show-room: as a displayer of hats, a fashionable +beauty might be a valuable asset. But to this suggestion Miss +Bart opposed a negative which Gerty emphatically supported, while +Mrs. Fisher, inwardly unconvinced, but resigned to this latest +proof of Lily's unreason, agreed that perhaps in the end it would +be more useful that she should learn the trade. To Regina's +work-room Lily was therefore committed by her friends, and there +Mrs. Fisher left her with a sigh of relief, while Gerty's +watchfulness continued to hover over her at a distance. + +Lily had taken up her work early in January: it was now two +months later, and she was still being rebuked for her inability +to sew spangles on a hat-frame. As she returned to her work she +heard a titter pass down the tables. She knew she was an object +of criticism and amusement to the other work-women. They were, +of course, aware of her history--the exact situation of +every girl in the room was known and freely discussed by all the +others--but the knowledge did not produce in them any awkward +sense of class distinction: it merely explained why her untutored +fingers were still blundering over the rudiments of the trade. +Lily had no desire that they should recognize any social +difference in her; but she had hoped to be received as their +equal, and perhaps before long to show herself their superior by +a special deftness of touch, and it was humiliating to find that, +after two months of drudgery, she still betrayed her lack of +early training. Remote was the day when she might aspire to +exercise the talents she felt confident of possessing; only +experienced workers were entrusted with the delicate art of +shaping and trimming the hat, and the forewoman still held her +inexorably to the routine of preparatory work. + +She began to rip the spangles from the frame, listening absently +to the buzz of talk which rose and fell with the coming and going +of Miss Haines's active figure. The air was closer than usual, +because Miss Haines, who had a cold, had not allowed a window to +be opened even during the noon recess; and Lily's head was so +heavy with the weight of a sleepless night that the chatter of +her companions had the incoherence of a dream. + +"I TOLD her he'd never look at her again; and he didn't. I +wouldn't have, either--I think she acted real mean to him. He +took her to the Arion Ball, and had a hack for her both ways.... +She's taken ten bottles, and her headaches don't seem no +better--but she's written a testimonial to say the first bottle +cured her, and she got five dollars and her picture in the +paper.... Mrs. Trenor's hat? The one with the green Paradise? +Here, Miss Haines--it'll be ready right off.... That was one of +the Trenor girls here yesterday with Mrs. George Dorset. How'd I +know? Why, Madam sent for me to alter the flower in that Virot +hat--the blue tulle: she's tall and slight, with her hair fuzzed +out--a good deal like Mamie Leach, on'y thinner...." + +On and on it flowed, a current of meaningless sound, on which, +startlingly enough, a familiar name now and then floated to the +surface. It was the strangest part of Lily's strange experience, +the hearing of these names, the seeing the fragmentary +and distorted image of the world she had lived in reflected in +the mirror of the working-girls' minds. She had never before +suspected the mixture of insatiable curiosity and contemptuous +freedom with which she and her kind were discussed in this +underworld of toilers who lived on their vanity and +self-indulgence. Every girl in Mme. Regina's work-room knew to +whom the headgear in her hands was destined, and had her opinion +of its future wearer, and a definite knowledge of the latter's +place in the social system. That Lily was a star fallen from that +sky did not, after the first stir of curiosity had subsided, +materially add to their interest in her. She had fallen, she had +"gone under," and true to the ideal of their race, they were awed +only by success--by the gross tangible image of material +achievement. The consciousness of her different point of view +merely kept them at a little distance from her, as though she +were a foreigner with whom it was an effort to talk. + +"Miss Bart, if you can't sew those spangles on more regular I +guess you'd better give the hat to Miss Kilroy." + +Lily looked down ruefully at her handiwork. The forewoman was +right: the sewing on of the spangles was inexcusably bad. What +made her so much more clumsy than usual? Was it a growing +distaste for her task, or actual physical disability? She felt +tired and confused: it was an effort to put her thoughts +together. She rose and handed the hat to Miss Kilroy, who took it +with a suppressed smile. + +"I'm sorry; I'm afraid I am not well," she said to the forewoman. + +Miss Haines offered no comment. From the first she had augured +ill of Mme. Regina's consenting to include a fashionable +apprentice among her workers. In that temple of art no raw +beginners were wanted, and Miss Haines would have been more than +human had she not taken a certain pleasure in seeing her +forebodings confirmed. + +"You'd better go back to binding edges," she said drily. Lily +slipped out last among the band of liberated work-women. She did +not care to be mingled in their noisy dispersal: once in the +street, she always felt an irresistible return to her old +standpoint, an instinctive shrinking from all that was unpolished +and promiscuous. In the days--how distant they now +seemed!--when she had visited the Girls' Club with Gerty Farish, +she had felt an enlightened interest in the working-classes; but +that was because she looked down on them from above, from the +happy altitude of her grace and her beneficence. Now that she was +on a level with them, the point of view was less interesting. + +She felt a touch on her arm, and met the penitent eye of Miss +Kilroy. "Miss Bart, I guess you can sew those spangles on as well +as I can when you're feeling right. Miss Haines didn't act fair +to you." + +Lily's colour rose at the unexpected advance: it was a long time +since real kindness had looked at her from any eyes but Gerty's. + +"Oh, thank you: I'm not particularly well, but Miss Haines was +right. I AM clumsy." + +"Well, it's mean work for anybody with a headache." Miss Kilroy +paused irresolutely. "You ought to go right home and lay down. +Ever try orangeine?" + +"Thank you." Lily held out her hand. "It's very kind of you--I +mean to go home." + +She looked gratefully at Miss Kilroy, but neither knew what more +to say. Lily was aware that the other was on the point of +offering to go home with her, but she wanted to be alone and +silent--even kindness, the sort of kindness that Miss Kilroy +could give, would have jarred on her just then. + +"Thank you," she repeated as she turned away. + +She struck westward through the dreary March twilight, toward the +street where her boarding-house stood. She had resolutely refused +Gerty's offer of hospitality. Something of her mother's fierce +shrinking from observation and sympathy was beginning to develop +in her, and the promiscuity of small quarters and close intimacy +seemed, on the whole, less endurable than the solitude of a hall +bedroom in a house where she could come and go unremarked among +other workers. For a while she had been sustained by this desire +for privacy and independence; but now, perhaps from increasing +physical weariness, the lassitude brought about by hours of +unwonted confinement, she was beginning to feel acutely the +ugliness and discomfort of her surroundings. The day's task done, +she dreaded to return to her narrow room, with its +blotched wallpaper and shabby paint; and she hated every step of +the walk thither, through the degradation of a New York street in +the last stages of decline from fashion to commerce. + +But what she dreaded most of all was having to pass the chemist's +at the corner of Sixth Avenue. She had meant to take another +street: she had usually done so of late. But today her steps were +irresistibly drawn toward the flaring plate-glass corner; she +tried to take the lower crossing, but a laden dray crowded her +back, and she struck across the street obliquely, reaching the +sidewalk just opposite the chemist's door. + +Over the counter she caught the eye of the clerk who had waited +on her before, and slipped the prescription into his hand. There +could be no question about the prescription: it was a copy of one +of Mrs. Hatch's, obligingly furnished by that lady's chemist. +Lily was confident that the clerk would fill it without +hesitation; yet the nervous dread of a refusal, or even of an +expression of doubt, communicated itself to her restless hands as +she affected to examine the bottles of perfume stacked on the +glass case before her. + +The clerk had read the prescription without comment; but in the +act of handing out the bottle he paused. + +"You don't want to increase the dose, you know," he remarked. +Lily's heart contracted. + +What did he mean by looking at her in that way? + +"Of course not," she murmured, holding out her hand. + +"That's all right: it's a queer-acting drug. A drop or two more, +and off you go--the doctors don't know why." + +The dread lest he should question her, or keep the bottle back, +choked the murmur of acquiescence in her throat; and when at +length she emerged safely from the shop she was almost dizzy with +the intensity of her relief. The mere touch of the packet +thrilled her tired nerves with the delicious promise of a night +of sleep, and in the reaction from her momentary fear she felt as +if the first fumes of drowsiness were already stealing over her. + +In her confusion she stumbled against a man who was hurrying down +the last steps of the elevated station. He drew back, and she +heard her name uttered with surprise. It was Rosedale, +fur-coated, glossy and prosperous--but why did she seem to see +him so far off, and as if through a mist of splintered crystals? +Before she could account for the phenomenon she found herself +shaking hands with him. They had parted with scorn on her side +and anger upon his; but all trace of these emotions seemed to +vanish as their hands met, and she was only aware of a confused +wish that she might continue to hold fast to him. + +"Why, what's the matter, Miss Lily? You're not well!" he +exclaimed; and she forced her lips into a pallid smile of +reassurance. + +"I'm a little tired--it's nothing. Stay with me a moment, +please," she faltered. That she should be asking this service of +Rosedale! + +He glanced at the dirty and unpropitious corner on which they +stood, with the shriek of the "elevated" and the tumult of trams +and waggons contending hideously in their ears. + +"We can't stay here; but let me take you somewhere for a cup of +tea. The LONGWORTH is only a few yards off, and there'll be no +one there at this hour." + +A cup of tea in quiet, somewhere out of the noise and ugliness, +seemed for the moment the one solace she could bear. A few steps +brought them to the ladies' door of the hotel he had named, and a +moment later he was seated opposite to her, and the waiter had +placed the tea-tray between them. + +"Not a drop of brandy or whiskey first? You look regularly done +up, Miss Lily. Well, take your tea strong, then; and, waiter, get +a cushion for the lady's back." + +Lily smiled faintly at the injunction to take her tea strong. It +was the temptation she was always struggling to resist. Her +craving for the keen stimulant was forever conflicting with that +other craving for sleep--the midnight craving which only the +little phial in her hand could still. But today, at any rate, the +tea could hardly be too strong: she counted on it to pour warmth +and resolution into her empty veins. + +As she leaned back before him, her lids drooping in utter +lassitude, though the first warm draught already tinged her face +with returning life, Rosedale was seized afresh by the poignant +surprise of her beauty. The dark pencilling of fatigue under her +eyes, the morbid blue-veined pallour of the temples, +brought out the brightness of her hair and lips, as though all +her ebbing vitality were centred there. Against the dull +chocolate-coloured background of the restaurant, the purity of +her head stood out as it had never done in the most brightly-lit +ball-room. He looked at her with a startled uncomfortable +feeling, as though her beauty were a forgotten enemy that had +lain in ambush and now sprang out on him unawares. + +To clear the air he tried to take an easy tone with her. "Why, +Miss Lily, I haven't seen you for an age. I didn't know what had +become of you." + +As he spoke, he was checked by an embarrassing sense of the +complications to which this might lead. Though he had not seen +her he had heard of her; he knew of her connection with Mrs. +Hatch, and of the talk resulting from it. Mrs. Hatch's MILIEU was +one which he had once assiduously frequented, and now as devoutly +shunned. + +Lily, to whom the tea had restored her usual clearness of mind, +saw what was in his thoughts and said with a slight smile: "You +would not be likely to know about me. I have joined the working +classes." + +He stared in genuine wonder. "You don't mean--? Why, what on earth +are you doing?" + +"Learning to be a milliner--at least TRYING to learn," she +hastily qualified the statement. + +Rosedale suppressed a low whistle of surprise. "Come off--you +ain't serious, are you?" + +"Perfectly serious. I'm obliged to work for my living." + +"But I understood--I thought you were with Norma Hatch." + +"You heard I had gone to her as her secretary?" + +"Something of the kind, I believe." He leaned forward to refill +her cup. + +Lily guessed the possibilities of embarrassment which the topic +held for him, and raising her eyes to his, she said suddenly: "I +left her two months ago." + +Rosedale continued to fumble awkwardly with the tea-pot, and she +felt sure that he had heard what had been said of her. But what +was there that Rosedale did not hear? + +"Wasn't it a soft berth?" he enquired, with an attempt at +lightness. + +"Too soft--one might have sunk in too deep." Lily rested one arm +on the edge of the table, and sat looking at him more intently +than she had ever looked before. An uncontrollable impulse was +urging her to put her case to this man, from whose curiosity she +had always so fiercely defended herself. + +"You know Mrs. Hatch, I think? Well, perhaps you can understand +that she might make things too easy for one." + +Rosedale looked faintly puzzled, and she remembered that +allusiveness was lost on him. + +"It was no place for you, anyhow," he agreed, so suffused and +immersed in the light of her full gaze that he found himself +being drawn into strange depths of intimacy. He who had had to +subsist on mere fugitive glances, looks winged in flight and +swiftly lost under covert, now found her eyes settling on him +with a brooding intensity that fairly dazzled him. + +"I left," Lily continued, "lest people should say I was helping +Mrs. Hatch to marry Freddy Van Osburgh--who is not in the least +too good for her--and as they still continue to say it, I see +that I might as well have stayed where I was." + +"Oh, Freddy---" Rosedale brushed aside the topic with an air of +its unimportance which gave a sense of the immense perspective he +had acquired. "Freddy don't count--but I knew YOU weren't mixed +up in that. It ain't your style." + +Lily coloured slightly: she could not conceal from herself that +the words gave her pleasure. She would have liked to sit there, +drinking more tea, and continuing to talk of herself to Rosedale. +But the old habit of observing the conventions reminded her that +it was time to bring their colloquy to an end, and she made a +faint motion to push back her chair. + +Rosedale stopped her with a protesting gesture. "Wait a +minute--don't go yet; sit quiet and rest a little longer. You +look thoroughly played out. And you haven't told me---" He broke +off, conscious of going farther than he had meant. She saw the +struggle and understood it; understood also the nature of the +spell to which he yielded as, with his eyes on her face, he began +again abruptly: "What on earth did you mean by saying just now +that you were learning to be a milliner?" + +"Just what I said. I am an apprentice at Regina's." + +"Good Lord--YOU? But what for? I knew your aunt had +turned you down: Mrs. Fisher told me about it. But I understood +you got a legacy from her---" + +"I got ten thousand dollars; but the legacy is not to be paid +till next summer." + +"Well, but--look here: you could BORROW on it any time you +wanted." + +She shook her head gravely. "No; for I owe it already." + +"Owe it? The whole ten thousand?" + +"Every penny." She paused, and then continued abruptly, with her +eyes on his face: "I think Gus Trenor spoke to you once about +having made some money for me in stocks." + +She waited, and Rosedale, congested with embarrassment, muttered +that he remembered something of the kind. + +"He made about nine thousand dollars," Lily pursued, in the same +tone of eager communicativeness. "At the time, I understood that +he was speculating with my own money: it was incredibly stupid of +me, but I knew nothing of business. Afterward I found out that he +had NOT used my money--that what he said he had made for me he +had really given me. It was meant in kindness, of course; but it +was not the sort of obligation one could remain under. +Unfortunately I had spent the money before I discovered my +mistake; and so my legacy will have to go to pay it back. That is +the reason why I am trying to learn a trade." + +She made the statement clearly, deliberately, with pauses between +the sentences, so that each should have time to sink deeply into +her hearer's mind. She had a passionate desire that some one +should know the truth about this transaction, and also that the +rumour of her intention to repay the money should reach Judy +Trenor's ears. And it had suddenly occurred to her that Rosedale, +who had surprised Trenor's confidence, was the fitting person to +receive and transmit her version of the facts. She had even felt +a momentary exhilaration at the thought of thus relieving herself +of her detested secret; but the sensation gradually faded in the +telling, and as she ended her pallour was suffused with a deep +blush of misery. + +Rosedale continued to stare at her in wonder; but the wonder took +the turn she had least expected. + +"But see here--if that's the case, it cleans you out altogether?" + +He put it to her as if she had not grasped the consequences of +her act; as if her incorrigible ignorance of business were about +to precipitate her into a fresh act of folly. + +"Altogether--yes," she calmly agreed. + +He sat silent, his thick hands clasped on the table, his little +puzzled eyes exploring the recesses of the deserted restaurant. + +"See here--that's fine," he exclaimed abruptly. + +Lily rose from her seat with a deprecating laugh. "Oh, no--it's +merely a bore," she asserted, gathering together the ends of her +feather scarf. + +Rosedale remained seated, too intent on his thoughts to notice +her movement. "Miss Lily, if you want any backing--I like pluck---" +broke from him disconnectedly. + +"Thank you." She held out her hand. "Your tea has given me a +tremendous backing. I feel equal to anything now." + +Her gesture seemed to show a definite intention of dismissal, but +her companion had tossed a bill to the waiter, and was slipping +his short arms into his expensive overcoat. + +"Wait a minute--you've got to let me walk home with you," he +said. + +Lily uttered no protest, and when he had paused to make sure of +his change they emerged from the hotel and crossed Sixth Avenue +again. As she led the way westward past a long line of areas +which, through the distortion of their paintless rails, revealed +with increasing candour the DISJECTA MEMBRA of bygone dinners, +Lily felt that Rosedale was taking contemptuous note of the +neighbourhood; and before the doorstep at which she finally +paused he looked up with an air of incredulous disgust. + +"This isn't the place? Some one told me you were living with Miss +Farish." + +"No: I am boarding here. I have lived too long on my friends." + +He continued to scan the blistered brown stone front, the windows +draped with discoloured lace, and the Pompeian decoration of the +muddy vestibule; then he looked back at her face and said with a +visible effort: "You'll let me come and see you some day?" + +She smiled, recognizing the heroism of the offer to the point of +being frankly touched by it. "Thank you--I shall be very +glad," she made answer, in the first sincere words she had ever +spoken to him. + + + +That evening in her own room Miss Bart--who had fled early from +the heavy fumes of the basement dinner-table--sat musing upon the +impulse which had led her to unbosom herself to Rosedale. Beneath +it she discovered an increasing sense of loneliness--a dread of +returning to the solitude of her room, while she could be +anywhere else, or in any company but her own. Circumstances, of +late, had combined to cut her off more and more from her few +remaining friends. On Carry Fisher's part the withdrawal was +perhaps not quite involuntary. Having made her final effort on +Lily's behalf, and landed her safely in Mme. Regina's work-room, +Mrs. Fisher seemed disposed to rest from her labours; and Lily, +understanding the reason, could not condemn her. Carry had in +fact come dangerously near to being involved in the episode of +Mrs. Norma Hatch, and it had taken some verbal ingenuity to +extricate herself. She frankly owned to having brought Lily and +Mrs. Hatch together, but then she did not know Mrs. Hatch--she +had expressly warned Lily that she did not know Mrs. Hatch--and +besides, she was not Lily's keeper, and really the girl was old +enough to take care of herself. Carry did not put her own case so +brutally, but she allowed it to be thus put for her by her latest +bosom friend, Mrs. Jack Stepney: Mrs. Stepney, trembling over the +narrowness of her only brother's escape, but eager to vindicate +Mrs. Fisher, at whose house she could count on the "jolly +parties" which had become a necessity to her since marriage had +emancipated her from the Van Osburgh point of view. + +Lily understood the situation and could make allowances for it. +Carry had been a good friend to her in difficult days, and +perhaps only a friendship like Gerty's could be proof against +such an increasing strain. Gerty's friendship did indeed hold +fast; yet Lily was beginning to avoid her also. For she could not +go to Gerty's without risk of meeting Selden; and to meet him now +would be pure pain. It was pain enough even to think of him, +whether she considered him in the distinctness of her waking +thoughts, or felt the obsession of his presence through the blur +of her tormented nights. That was one of the reasons why +she had turned again to Mrs. Hatch's prescription. In the uneasy +snatches of her natural dreams he came to her sometimes in the +old guise of fellowship and tenderness; and she would rise from +the sweet delusion mocked and emptied of her courage. But in the +sleep which the phial procured she sank far below such +half-waking visitations, sank into depths of dreamless +annihilation from which she woke each morning with an obliterated +past. + +Gradually, to be sure, the stress of the old thoughts would +return; but at least they did not importune her waking hour. The +drug gave her a momentary illusion of complete renewal, from +which she drew strength to take up her daily work. The strength +was more and more needed as the perplexities of her future +increased. She knew that to Gerty and Mrs. Fisher she was only +passing through a temporary period of probation, since they +believed that the apprenticeship she was serving at Mme. Regina's +would enable her, when Mrs. Peniston's legacy was paid, to +realize the vision of the green-and-white shop with the fuller +competence acquired by her preliminary training. But to Lily +herself, aware that the legacy could not be put to such a use, +the preliminary training seemed a wasted effort. She understood +clearly enough that, even if she could ever learn to compete with +hands formed from childhood for their special work, the small pay +she received would not be a sufficient addition to her income to +compensate her for such drudgery. And the realization of this +fact brought her recurringly face to face with the temptation to +use the legacy in establishing her business. Once installed, and +in command of her own work-women, she believed she had sufficient +tact and ability to attract a fashionable CLIENTELE; and if the +business succeeded she could gradually lay aside money enough to +discharge her debt to Trenor. But the task might take years to +accomplish, even if she continued to stint herself to the utmost; +and meanwhile her pride would be crushed under the weight of an +intolerable obligation. + +These were her superficial considerations; but under them lurked +the secret dread that the obligation might not always remain +intolerable. She knew she could not count on her continuity of +purpose, and what really frightened her was the thought that she +might gradually accommodate herself to remaining +indefinitely in Trenor's debt, as she had accommodated herself to +the part allotted her on the Sabrina, and as she had so nearly +drifted into acquiescing with Stancy's scheme for the advancement +of Mrs. Hatch. Her danger lay, as she knew, in her old incurable +dread of discomfort and poverty; in the fear of that mounting +tide of dinginess against which her mother had so passionately +warned her. And now a new vista of peril opened before her. She +understood that Rosedale was ready to lend her money; and the +longing to take advantage of his offer began to haunt her +insidiously. It was of course impossible to accept a loan from +Rosedale; but proximate possibilities hovered temptingly before +her. She was quite sure that he would come and see her again, and +almost sure that, if he did, she could bring him to the point of +offering to marry her on the terms she had previously rejected. +Would she still reject them if they were offered? More and more, +with every fresh mischance befalling her, did the pursuing furies +seem to take the shape of Bertha Dorset; and close at hand, +safely locked among her papers, lay the means of ending their +pursuit. The temptation, which her scorn of Rosedale had once +enabled her to reject, now insistently returned upon her; and how +much strength was left her to oppose it? + +What little there was must at any rate be husbanded to the +utmost; she could not trust herself again to the perils of a +sleepless night. Through the long hours of silence the dark +spirit of fatigue and loneliness crouched upon her breast, +leaving her so drained of bodily strength that her morning +thoughts swam in a haze of weakness. The only hope of renewal lay +in the little bottle at her bed-side; and how much longer that +hope would last she dared not conjecture. + + + +Chapter 11 + +Lily, lingering for a moment on the corner, looked out on the +afternoon spectacle of Fifth Avenue. It was a day in late April, +and the sweetness of spring was in the air. It mitigated the +ugliness of the long crowded thoroughfare, blurred the gaunt +roof-lines, threw a mauve veil over the discouraging perspective +of the side streets, and gave a touch of poetry to the delicate +haze of green that marked the entrance to the Park. + +As Lily stood there, she recognized several familiar faces in the +passing carriages. The season was over, and its ruling forces had +disbanded; but a few still lingered, delaying their departure for +Europe, or passing through town on their return from the South. +Among them was Mrs. Van Osburgh, swaying majestically in her +C-spring barouche, with Mrs. Percy Gryce at her side, and the new +heir to the Gryce millions enthroned before them on his nurse's +knees. They were succeeded by Mrs. Hatch's electric victoria, in +which that lady reclined in the lonely splendour of a spring +toilet obviously designed for company; and a moment or two later +came Judy Trenor, accompanied by Lady Skiddaw, who had come over +for her annual tarpon fishing and a dip into "the street." + +This fleeting glimpse of her past served to emphasize the sense +of aimlessness with which Lily at length turned toward home. She +had nothing to do for the rest of the day, nor for the days to +come; for the season was over in millinery as well as in society, +and a week earlier Mme. Regina had notified her that her services +were no longer required. Mme. Regina always reduced her staff on +the first of May, and Miss Bart's attendance had of late been so +irregular--she had so often been unwell, and had done so little +work when she came--that it was only as a favour that her +dismissal had hitherto been deferred. + +Lily did not question the justice of the decision. She was +conscious of having been forgetful, awkward and slow to learn. It +was bitter to acknowledge her inferiority even to herself, but +the fact had been brought home to her that as a +bread-winner she could never compete with professional ability. +Since she had been brought up to be ornamental, she could hardly +blame herself for failing to serve any practical purpose; but the +discovery put an end to her consoling sense of universal +efficiency. + +As she turned homeward her thoughts shrank in anticipation from +the fact that there would be nothing to get up for the next +morning. The luxury of lying late in bed was a pleasure belonging +to the life of ease; it had no part in the utilitarian existence +of the boarding-house. She liked to leave her room early, and to +return to it as late as possible; and she was walking slowly now +in order to postpone the detested approach to her doorstep. + +But the doorstep, as she drew near it, acquired a sudden interest +from the fact that it was occupied--and indeed filled--by the +conspicuous figure of Mr. Rosedale, whose presence seemed to take +on an added amplitude from the meanness of his surroundings. + +The sight stirred Lily with an irresistible sense of triumph. +Rosedale, a day or two after their chance meeting, had called to +enquire if she had recovered from her indisposition; but since +then she had not seen or heard from him, and his absence seemed +to betoken a struggle to keep away, to let her pass once more out +of his life. If this were the case, his return showed that the +struggle had been unsuccessful, for Lily knew he was not the man +to waste his time in an ineffectual sentimental dalliance. He was +too busy, too practical, and above all too much preoccupied with +his own advancement, to indulge in such unprofitable asides. + +In the peacock-blue parlour, with its bunches of dried pampas +grass, and discoloured steel engravings of sentimental episodes, +he looked about him with unconcealed disgust, laying his hat +distrustfully on the dusty console adorned with a Rogers +statuette. + +Lily sat down on one of the plush and rosewood sofas, and he +deposited himself in a rocking-chair draped with a starched +antimacassar which scraped unpleasantly against the pink fold of +skin above his collar. + +"My goodness--you can't go on living here!" he exclaimed. + +Lily smiled at his tone. "I am not sure that I can; but I have +gone over my expenses very carefully, and I rather think I shall +be able to manage it." + +"Be able to manage it? That's not what I mean--it's no place for +you!" + +"It's what I mean; for I have been out of work for the last +week." + +"Out of work--out of work! What a way for you to talk! The idea +of your having to work--it's preposterous." He brought out his +sentences in short violent jerks, as though they were forced up +from a deep inner crater of indignation. "It's a farce--a crazy +farce," he repeated, his eyes fixed on the long vista of the room +reflected in the blotched glass between the windows. + +Lily continued to meet his expostulations with a smile. "I don't +know why I should regard myself as an exception---" she began. + +"Because you ARE; that's why; and your being in a place like this +is a damnable outrage. I can't talk of it calmly." + +She had in truth never seen him so shaken out of his usual +glibness; and there was something almost moving to her in his +inarticulate struggle with his emotions. + +He rose with a start which left the rocking-chair quivering on +its beam ends, and placed himself squarely before her. + +"Look here, Miss Lily, I'm going to Europe next week: going over +to Paris and London for a couple of months--and I can't leave you +like this. I can't do it. I know it's none of my business--you've +let me understand that often enough; but things are worse with +you now than they have been before, and you must see that you've +got to accept help from somebody. You spoke to me the other day +about some debt to Trenor. I know what you mean--and I respect +you for feeling as you do about it." + +A blush of surprise rose to Lily's pale face, but before she +could interrupt him he had continued eagerly: "Well, I'll lend +you the money to pay Trenor; and I won't--I--see here, don't take +me up till I've finished. What I mean is, it'll be a plain +business arrangement, such as one man would make with another. +Now, what have you got to say against that?" + +Lily's blush deepened to a glow in which humiliation and +gratitude were mingled; and both sentiments revealed themselves +in the unexpected gentleness of her reply. + +"Only this: that it is exactly what Gus Trenor proposed; and that +I can never again be sure of understanding the plainest business +arrangement." Then, realizing that this answer contained a germ +of injustice, she added, even more kindly: "Not that I don't +appreciate your kindness--that I'm not grateful for it. But a +business arrangement between us would in any case be impossible, +because I shall have no security to give when my debt to Gus +Trenor has been paid." + +Rosedale received this statement in silence: he seemed to feel the +note of finality in her voice, yet to be unable to accept it as +closing the question between them. + +In the silence Lily had a clear perception of what was passing +through his mind. Whatever perplexity he felt as to the +inexorableness of her course--however little he penetrated its +motive--she saw that it unmistakably tended to strengthen her +hold over him. It was as though the sense in her of unexplained +scruples and resistances had the same attraction as the delicacy +of feature, the fastidiousness of manner, which gave her an +external rarity, an air of being impossible to match. As he +advanced in social experience this uniqueness had acquired a +greater value for him, as though he were a collector who had +learned to distinguish minor differences of design and quality in +some long-coveted object. + +Lily, perceiving all this, understood that he would marry her at +once, on the sole condition of a reconciliation with Mrs. Dorset; +and the temptation was the less easy to put aside because, little +by little, circumstances were breaking down her dislike for +Rosedale. The dislike, indeed, still subsisted; but it was +penetrated here and there by the perception of mitigating +qualities in him: of a certain gross kindliness, a rather +helpless fidelity of sentiment, which seemed to be struggling +through the hard surface of his material ambitions. + +Reading his dismissal in her eyes, he held out his hand with a +gesture which conveyed something of this inarticulate conflict. + +"If you'd only let me, I'd set you up over them all--I'd put you +where you could wipe your feet on 'em!" he declared; and +it touched her oddly to see that his new passion had not altered +his old standard of values. + + + +Lily took no sleeping-drops that night. She lay awake viewing her +situation in the crude light which Rosedale's visit had shed on +it. In fending off the offer he was so plainly ready to renew, +had she not sacrificed to one of those abstract notions of honour +that might be called the conventionalities of the moral life? +What debt did she owe to a social order which had condemned and +banished her without trial? She had never been heard in her own +defence; she was innocent of the charge on which she had been +found guilty; and the irregularity of her conviction might seem +to justify the use of methods as irregular in recovering her lost +rights. Bertha Dorset, to save herself, had not scrupled to ruin +her by an open falsehood; why should she hesitate to make private +use of the facts that chance had put in her way? After all, half +the opprobrium of such an act lies in the name attached to it. +Call it blackmail and it becomes unthinkable; but explain that it +injures no one, and that the rights regained by it were unjustly +forfeited, and he must be a formalist indeed who can find no plea +in its defence. + +The arguments pleading for it with Lily were the old unanswerable +ones of the personal situation: the sense of injury, the sense of +failure, the passionate craving for a fair chance against the +selfish despotism of society. She had learned by experience that +she had neither the aptitude nor the moral constancy to remake +her life on new lines; to become a worker among workers, and let +the world of luxury and pleasure sweep by her unregarded. She +could not hold herself much to blame for this ineffectiveness, +and she was perhaps less to blame than she believed. Inherited +tendencies had combined with early training to make her the +highly specialized product she was: an organism as helpless out +of its narrow range as the sea-anemone torn from the rock. She +had been fashioned to adorn and delight; to what other end does +nature round the rose-leaf and paint the humming-bird's breast? +And was it her fault that the purely decorative mission is less +easily and harmoniously fulfilled among social beings +than in the world of nature? That it is apt to be hampered by +material necessities or complicated by moral scruples? + +These last were the two antagonistic forces which fought out +their battle in her breast during the long watches of the night; +and when she rose the next morning she hardly knew where the +victory lay. She was exhausted by the reaction of a night without +sleep, coming after many nights of rest artificially obtained; +and in the distorting light of fatigue the future stretched out +before her grey, interminable and desolate. + +She lay late in bed, refusing the coffee and fried eggs which the +friendly Irish servant thrust through her door, and hating the +intimate domestic noises of the house and the cries and rumblings +of the street. Her week of idleness had brought home to her with +exaggerated force these small aggravations of the boarding-house +world, and she yearned for that other luxurious world, whose +machinery is so carefully concealed that one scene flows into +another without perceptible agency. + +At length she rose and dressed. Since she had left Mme. Regina's +she had spent her days in the streets, partly to escape from the +uncongenial promiscuities of the boarding-house, and partly in +the hope that physical fatigue would help her to sleep. But once +out of the house, she could not decide where to go; for she had +avoided Gerty since her dismissal from the milliner's, and she +was not sure of a welcome anywhere else. + +The morning was in harsh contrast to the previous day. A cold +grey sky threatened rain, and a high wind drove the dust in wild +spirals up and down the streets. Lily walked up Fifth Avenue +toward the Park, hoping to find a sheltered nook where she might +sit; but the wind chilled her, and after an hour's wandering +under the tossing boughs she yielded to her increasing weariness, +and took refuge in a little restaurant in Fifty-ninth Street. She +was not hungry, and had meant to go without luncheon; but she was +too tired to return home, and the long perspective of white +tables showed alluringly through the windows. + +The room was full of women and girls, all too much engaged in the +rapid absorption of tea and pie to remark her entrance. A hum of +shrill voices reverberated against the low ceiling, leaving Lily +shut out in a little circle of silence. She felt a sudden pang of +profound loneliness. She had lost the sense of time, and +it seemed to her as though she had not spoken to any one for +days. Her eyes sought the faces about her, craving a responsive +glance, some sign of an intuition of her trouble. But the sallow +preoccupied women, with their bags and note-books and rolls of +music, were all engrossed in their own affairs, and even those +who sat by themselves were busy running over proof-sheets or +devouring magazines between their hurried gulps of tea. Lily +alone was stranded in a great waste of disoccupation. + +She drank several cups of the tea which was served with her +portion of stewed oysters, and her brain felt clearer and +livelier when she emerged once more into the street. She realized +now that, as she sat in the restaurant, she had unconsciously +arrived at a final decision. The discovery gave her an immediate +illusion of activity: it was exhilarating to think that she had +actually a reason for hurrying home. To prolong her enjoyment of +the sensation she decided to walk; but the distance was so great +that she found herself glancing nervously at the clocks on the +way. One of the surprises of her unoccupied state was the +discovery that time, when it is left to itself and no definite +demands are made on it, cannot be trusted to move at any +recognized pace. Usually it loiters; but just when one has come +to count upon its slowness, it may suddenly break into a wild +irrational gallop. + +She found, however, on reaching home, that the hour was still +early enough for her to sit down and rest a few minutes before +putting her plan into execution. The delay did not perceptibly +weaken her resolve. She was frightened and yet stimulated by the +reserved force of resolution which she felt within herself: she +saw it was going to be easier, a great deal easier, than she had +imagined. + +At five o'clock she rose, unlocked her trunk, and took out a +sealed packet which she slipped into the bosom of her dress. Even +the contact with the packet did not shake her nerves as she had +half-expected it would. She seemed encased in a strong armour of +indifference, as though the vigorous exertion of her will had +finally benumbed her finer sensibilities. + +She dressed herself once more for the street, locked her door and +went out. When she emerged on the pavement, the day was still +high, but a threat of rain darkened the sky and cold +gusts shook the signs projecting from the basement shops along +the street. She reached Fifth Avenue and began to walk slowly +northward. She was sufficiently familiar with Mrs. Dorset's +habits to know that she could always be found at home after five. +She might not, indeed, be accessible to visitors, especially to a +visitor so unwelcome, and against whom it was quite possible that +she had guarded herself by special orders; but Lily had written a +note which she meant to send up with her name, and which she +thought would secure her admission. + +She had allowed herself time to walk to Mrs. Dorset's, thinking +that the quick movement through the cold evening air would help +to steady her nerves; but she really felt no need of being +tranquillized. Her survey of the situation remained calm and +unwavering. + +As she reached Fiftieth Street the clouds broke abruptly, and a +rush of cold rain slanted into her face. She had no umbrella and +the moisture quickly penetrated her thin spring dress. She was +still half a mile from her destination, and she decided to walk +across to Madison Avenue and take the electric car. As she turned +into the side street, a vague memory stirred in her. The row of +budding trees, the new brick and limestone house-fronts, the +Georgian flat-house with flowerboxes on its balconies, were +merged together into the setting of a familiar scene. It was down +this street that she had walked with Selden, that September day +two years ago; a few yards ahead was the doorway they had entered +together. The recollection loosened a throng of benumbed +sensations--longings, regrets, imaginings, the throbbing brood of +the only spring her heart had ever known. It was strange to find +herself passing his house on such an errand. She seemed suddenly +to see her action as he would see it--and the fact of his own +connection with it, the fact that, to attain her end, she must +trade on his name, and profit by a secret of his past, chilled +her blood with shame. What a long way she had travelled since the +day of their first talk together! Even then her feet had been set +in the path she was now following--even then she had resisted the +hand he had held out. + +All her resentment of his fancied coldness was swept away in this +overwhelming rush of recollection. Twice he had been +ready to help her--to help her by loving her, as he had said--and +if, the third time, he had seemed to fail her, whom but herself +could she accuse? . . . Well, that part of her life was over; she +did not know why her thoughts still clung to it. But the sudden +longing to see him remained; it grew to hunger as she paused on +the pavement opposite his door. The street was dark and empty, +swept by the rain. She had a vision of his quiet room, of the +bookshelves, and the fire on the hearth. She looked up and saw a +light in his window; then she crossed the street and entered the +house. + + + +Chapter 12 + +The library looked as she had pictured it. The green-shaded lamps +made tranquil circles of light in the gathering dusk, a little +fire flickered on the hearth, and Selden's easy-chair, which +stood near it, had been pushed aside when he rose to admit her. + +He had checked his first movement of surprise, and stood silent, +waiting for her to speak, while she paused a moment on the +threshold, assailed by a rush of memories. + +The scene was unchanged. She recognized the row of shelves from +which he had taken down his La Bruyere, and the worn arm of the +chair he had leaned against while she examined the precious +volume. But then the wide September light had filled the room, +making it seem a part of the outer world: now the shaded lamps +and the warm hearth, detaching it from the gathering darkness of +the street, gave it a sweeter touch of intimacy. + +Becoming gradually aware of the surprise under Selden's silence, +Lily turned to him and said simply: "I came to tell you that I +was sorry for the way we parted--for what I said to you that day +at Mrs. Hatch's." + +The words rose to her lips spontaneously. Even on her way up the +stairs, she had not thought of preparing a pretext for her visit, +but she now felt an intense longing to dispel the cloud of +misunderstanding that hung between them. + +Selden returned her look with a smile. "I was sorry too that we +should have parted in that way; but I am not sure I didn't bring +it on myself. Luckily I had foreseen the risk I was taking---" + +"So that you really didn't care---?" broke from her with a flash +of her old irony. + +"So that I was prepared for the consequences," he corrected +good-humouredly. "But we'll talk of all this later. Do come and +sit by the fire. I can recommend that arm-chair, if you'll let me +put a cushion behind you." + +While he spoke she had moved slowly to the middle of the room, +and paused near his writing-table, where the lamp, +striking upward, cast exaggerated shadows on the pallour of her +delicately-hollowed face. + +"You look tired--do sit down," he repeated gently. + +She did not seem to hear the request. "I wanted you to know that +I left Mrs. Hatch immediately after I saw you," she said, as +though continuing her confession. + +"Yes--yes; I know," he assented, with a rising tinge of +embarrassment. + +"And that I did so because you told me to. Before you came I had +already begun to see that it would be impossible to remain with +her--for the reasons you gave me; but I wouldn't admit it--I +wouldn't let you see that I understood what you meant." + +"Ah, I might have trusted you to find your own way out--don't +overwhelm me with the sense of my officiousness!" + +His light tone, in which, had her nerves been steadier, she would +have recognized the mere effort to bridge over an awkward moment, +jarred on her passionate desire to be understood. In her strange +state of extra-lucidity, which gave her the sense of being +already at the heart of the situation, it seemed incredible that +any one should think it necessary to linger in the conventional +outskirts of word-play and evasion. + +"It was not that--I was not ungrateful," she insisted. But the +power of expression failed her suddenly; she felt a tremor in her +throat, and two tears gathered and fell slowly from her eyes. + +Selden moved forward and took her hand. "You are very tired. Why +won't you sit down and let me make you comfortable?" + +He drew her to the arm-chair near the fire, and placed a cushion +behind her shoulders. + +"And now you must let me make you some tea: you know I always +have that amount of hospitality at my command." + +She shook her head, and two more tears ran over. But she did not +weep easily, and the long habit of self-control reasserted +itself, though she was still too tremulous to speak. + +"You know I can coax the water to boil in five minutes," Selden +continued, speaking as though she were a troubled child. + +His words recalled the vision of that other afternoon +when they had sat together over his tea-table and talked +jestingly of her future. There were moments when that day seemed +more remote than any other event in her life; and yet she could +always relive it in its minutest detail. + +She made a gesture of refusal. "No: I drink too much tea. I would +rather sit quiet--I must go in a moment," she added confusedly. + +Selden continued to stand near her, leaning against the +mantelpiece. The tinge of constraint was beginning to be more +distinctly perceptible under the friendly ease of his manner. Her +self-absorption had not allowed her to perceive it at first; but +now that her consciousness was once more putting forth its eager +feelers, she saw that her presence was becoming an embarrassment +to him. Such a situation can be saved only by an immediate +outrush of feeling; and on Selden's side the determining impulse +was still lacking. + +The discovery did not disturb Lily as it might once have done. +She had passed beyond the phase of well-bred reciprocity, in +which every demonstration must be scrupulously proportioned to +the emotion it elicits, and generosity of feeling is the only +ostentation condemned. But the sense of loneliness returned with +redoubled force as she saw herself forever shut out from Selden's +inmost self. She had come to him with no definite purpose; the +mere longing to see him had directed her; but the secret hope she +had carried with her suddenly revealed itself in its death-pang. + +"I must go," she repeated, making a motion to rise from her +chair. "But I may not see you again for a long time, and I wanted +to tell you that I have never forgotten the things you said to me +at Bellomont, and that sometimes--sometimes when I seemed +farthest from remembering them--they have helped me, and kept me +from mistakes; kept me from really becoming what many people have +thought me." + +Strive as she would to put some order in her thoughts, the words +would not come more clearly; yet she felt that she could not +leave him without trying to make him understand that she had +saved herself whole from the seeming ruin of her life. + +A change had come over Selden's face as she spoke. Its guarded +look had yielded to an expression still untinged by personal +emotion, but full of a gentle understanding. + +"I am glad to have you tell me that; but nothing I have said has +really made the difference. The difference is in yourself--it +will always be there. And since it IS there, it can't really +matter to you what people think: you are so sure that your +friends will always understand you." + +"Ah, don't say that--don't say that what you have told me has +made no difference. It seems to shut me out--to leave me all +alone with the other people." She had risen and stood before him, +once more completely mastered by the inner urgency of the moment. +The consciousness of his half-divined reluctance had vanished. +Whether he wished it or not, he must see her wholly for once +before they parted. + +Her voice had gathered strength, and she looked him gravely in +the eyes as she continued. "Once--twice--you gave me the chance +to escape from my life, and I refused it: refused it because I +was a coward. Afterward I saw my mistake--I saw I could never be +happy with what had contented me before. But it was too late: you +had judged me--I understood. It was too late for happiness--but +not too late to be helped by the thought of what I had missed. +That is all I have lived on--don't take it from me now! Even in +my worst moments it has been like a little light in the darkness. +Some women are strong enough to be good by themselves, but I +needed the help of your belief in me. Perhaps I might have +resisted a great temptation, but the little ones would have +pulled me down. And then I remembered--I remembered your saying +that such a life could never satisfy me; and I was ashamed to +admit to myself that it could. That is what you did for me--that +is what I wanted to thank you for. I wanted to tell you that I +have always remembered; and that I have tried--tried hard . . ." + +She broke off suddenly. Her tears had risen again, and in drawing +out her handkerchief her fingers touched the packet in the folds +of her dress. A wave of colour suffused her, and the words died +on her lips. Then she lifted her eyes to his and went on in an +altered voice. + +"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very +useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent +existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine +I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was +of no use anywhere else. What can one do when one finds that one +only fits into one hole? One must get back to it or be thrown out +into the rubbish heap--and you don't know what it's like in the +rubbish heap!" + +Her lips wavered into a smile--she had been distracted by the +whimsical remembrance of the confidences she had made to him, two +years earlier, in that very room. Then she had been planning to +marry Percy Gryce--what was it she was planning now? + +The blood had risen strongly under Selden's dark skin, but his +emotion showed itself only in an added seriousness of manner. + +"You have something to tell me--do you mean to marry?" he said +abruptly. + +Lily's eyes did not falter, but a look of wonder, of puzzled +self-interrogation, formed itself slowly in their depths. In the +light of his question, she had paused to ask herself if her +decision had really been taken when she entered the room. + +"You always told me I should have to come to it sooner or later!" +she said with a faint smile. + +"And you have come to it now?" + +"I shall have to come to it--presently. But there is something +else I must come to first." She paused again, trying to transmit +to her voice the steadiness of her recovered smile. "There is +some one I must say goodbye to. Oh, not YOU--we are sure to see +each other again--but the Lily Bart you knew. I have kept her +with me all this time, but now we are going to part, and I have +brought her back to you--I am going to leave her here. When I go +out presently she will not go with me. I shall like to think that +she has stayed with you--and she'll be no trouble, she'll take up +no room." + +She went toward him, and put out her hand, still smiling. "Will +you let her stay with you?" she asked. + +He caught her hand, and she felt in his the vibration of feeling +that had not yet risen to his lips. "Lily--can't I help you?" he +exclaimed. + +She looked at him gently. "Do you remember what you said to me +once? That you could help me only by loving me? Well--you did +love me for a moment; and it helped me. It has always +helped me. But the moment is gone--it was I who let it go. And +one must go on living. Goodbye." + +She laid her other hand on his, and they looked at each other +with a kind of solemnity, as though they stood in the presence of +death. Something in truth lay dead between them--the love she had +killed in him and could no longer call to life. But something +lived between them also, and leaped up in her like an +imperishable flame: it was the love his love had kindled, the +passion of her soul for his. + +In its light everything else dwindled and fell away from her. She +understood now that she could not go forth and leave her old self +with him: that self must indeed live on in his presence, but it +must still continue to be hers. + +Selden had retained her hand, and continued to scrutinize her +with a strange sense of foreboding. The external aspect of the +situation had vanished for him as completely as for her: he felt +it only as one of those rare moments which lift the veil from +their faces as they pass. + +"Lily," he said in a low voice, "you mustn't speak in this way. I +can't let you go without knowing what you mean to do. Things may +change--but they don't pass. You can never go out of my life." + +She met his eyes with an illumined look. "No," she said. "I see +that now. Let us always be friends. Then I shall feel safe, +whatever happens." + +"Whatever happens? What do you mean? What is going to happen?" + +She turned away quietly and walked toward the hearth. + +"Nothing at present--except that I am very cold, and that before +I go you must make up the fire for me." + +She knelt on the hearth-rug, stretching her hands to the embers. +Puzzled by the sudden change in her tone, he mechanically +gathered a handful of wood from the basket and tossed it on the +fire. As he did so, he noticed how thin her hands looked against +the rising light of the flames. He saw too, under the loose lines +of her dress, how the curves of her figure had shrunk to +angularity; he remembered long afterward how the red play of the +flame sharpened the depression of her nostrils, and intensified +the blackness of the shadows which struck up from her cheekbones +to her eyes. She knelt there for a few moments in +silence; a silence which he dared not break. When she rose he +fancied that he saw her draw something from her dress and drop it +into the fire; but he hardly noticed the gesture at the time. His +faculties seemed tranced, and he was still groping for the word +to break the spell. She went up to him and laid her hands on his +shoulders. "Goodbye," she said, and as he bent over her she +touched his forehead with her lips. + + + +Chapter 13 + +The street-lamps were lit, but the rain had ceased, and there was +a momentary revival of light in the upper sky. Lily walked on +unconscious of her surroundings. She was still treading the +buoyant ether which emanates from the high moments of life. But +gradually it shrank away from her and she felt the dull pavement +beneath her feet. The sense of weariness returned with +accumulated force, and for a moment she felt that she could walk +no farther. She had reached the corner of Forty-first Street and +Fifth Avenue, and she remembered that in Bryant Park there were +seats where she might rest. + +That melancholy pleasure-ground was almost deserted when she +entered it, and she sank down on an empty bench in the glare of +an electric street-lamp. The warmth of the fire had passed out of +her veins, and she told herself that she must not sit long in the +penetrating dampness which struck up from the wet asphalt. But +her will-power seemed to have spent itself in a last great +effort, and she was lost in the blank reaction which follows on +an unwonted expenditure of energy. And besides, what was there to +go home to? Nothing but the silence of her cheerless room--that +silence of the night which may be more racking to tired nerves +than the most discordant noises: that, and the bottle of chloral +by her bed. The thought of the chloral was the only spot of light +in the dark prospect: she could feel its lulling influence +stealing over her already. But she was troubled by the thought +that it was losing its power--she dared not go back to it too +soon. Of late the sleep it had brought her had been more broken +and less profound; there had been nights when she was perpetually +floating up through it to consciousness. What if the effect of +the drug should gradually fail, as all narcotics were said to +fail? She remembered the chemist's warning against increasing the +dose; and she had heard before of the capricious and incalculable +action of the drug. Her dread of returning to a sleepless night +was so great that she lingered on, hoping that excessive +weariness would reinforce the waning power of the chloral. + +Night had now closed in, and the roar of traffic in Forty-second +Street was dying out. As complete darkness fell on the square the +lingering occupants of the benches rose and dispersed; but now +and then a stray figure, hurrying homeward, struck across the +path where Lily sat, looming black for a moment in the white +circle of electric light. One or two of these passers-by +slackened their pace to glance curiously at her lonely figure; +but she was hardly conscious of their scrutiny. + +Suddenly, however, she became aware that one of the passing +shadows remained stationary between her line of vision and the +gleaming asphalt; and raising her eyes she saw a young woman +bending over her. + +"Excuse me--are you sick?--Why, it's Miss Bart!" a half-familiar +voice exclaimed. + +Lily looked up. The speaker was a poorly-dressed young woman with +a bundle under her arm. Her face had the air of unwholesome +refinement which ill-health and over-work may produce, but its +common prettiness was redeemed by the strong and generous curve +of the lips. + +"You don't remember me," she continued, brightening with the +pleasure of recognition, "but I'd know you anywhere, I've thought +of you such a lot. I guess my folks all know your name by heart. +I was one of the girls at Miss Farish's club--you helped me to go +to the country that time I had lung-trouble. My name's Nettie +Struther. It was Nettie Crane then--but I daresay you don't +remember that either." + +Yes: Lily was beginning to remember. The episode of Nettie +Crane's timely rescue from disease had been one of the most +satisfying incidents of her connection with Gerty's charitable +work. She had furnished the girl with the means to go to a +sanatorium in the mountains: it struck her now with a peculiar +irony that the money she had used had been Gus Trenor's. + +She tried to reply, to assure the speaker that she had not +forgotten; but her voice failed in the effort, and she felt +herself sinking under a great wave of physical weakness. Nettie +Struther, with a startled exclamation, sat down and slipped a +shabbily-clad arm behind her back. + +"Why, Miss Bart, you ARE sick. Just lean on me a little till you +feel better." + +A faint glow of returning strength seemed to pass into Lily from +the pressure of the supporting arm. + +"I'm only tired--it is nothing," she found voice to say in a +moment; and then, as she met the timid appeal of her companion's +eyes, she added involuntarily: "I have been unhappy--in great +trouble." + +"YOU in trouble? I've always thought of you as being so high up, +where everything was just grand. Sometimes, when I felt real +mean, and got to wondering why things were so queerly fixed in +the world, I used to remember that you were having a lovely time, +anyhow, and that seemed to show there was a kind of justice +somewhere. But you mustn't sit here too long--it's fearfully +damp. Don't you feel strong enough to walk on a little ways now?" +she broke off. + +"Yes--yes; I must go home," Lily murmured, rising. + +Her eyes rested wonderingly on the thin shabby figure at her +side. She had known Nettie Crane as one of the discouraged +victims of over-work and anaemic parentage: one of the +superfluous fragments of life destined to be swept prematurely +into that social refuse-heap of which Lily had so lately +expressed her dread. But Nettie Struther's frail envelope was now +alive with hope and energy: whatever fate the future reserved for +her, she would not be cast into the refuse-heap without a +struggle. + +"I am very glad to have seen you," Lily continued, summoning a +smile to her unsteady lips. "It'll be my turn to think of you as +happy--and the world will seem a less unjust place to me too." + +"Oh, but I can't leave you like this--you're not fit to go home +alone. And I can't go with you either!" Nettie Struther wailed +with a start of recollection. "You see, it's my husband's +night-shift--he's a motor-man--and the friend I leave the baby +with has to step upstairs to get HER husband's supper at seven. I +didn't tell you I had a baby, did I? She'll be four months old +day after tomorrow, and to look at her you wouldn't think I'd +ever had a sick day. I'd give anything to show you the baby, Miss +Bart, and we live right down the street here--it's only three +blocks off." She lifted her eyes tentatively to Lily's face, and +then added with a burst of courage: "Why won't you get right into +the cars and come home with me while I get baby's supper? +It's real warm in our kitchen, and you can rest there, and I'll +take YOU home as soon as ever she drops off to sleep." + +It WAS warm in the kitchen, which, when Nettie Struther's match +had made a flame leap from the gas-jet above the table, revealed +itself to Lily as extraordinarily small and almost miraculously +clean. A fire shone through the polished flanks of the iron +stove, and near it stood a crib in which a baby was sitting +upright, with incipient anxiety struggling for expression on a +countenance still placid with sleep. + +Having passionately celebrated her reunion with her offspring, +and excused herself in cryptic language for the lateness of her +return, Nettie restored the baby to the crib and shyly invited +Miss Bart to the rocking-chair near the stove. + +"We've got a parlour too," she explained with pardonable pride; +"but I guess it's warmer in here, and I don't want to leave you +alone while I'm getting baby's supper." + +On receiving Lily's assurance that she much preferred the +friendly proximity of the kitchen fire, Mrs. Struther proceeded +to prepare a bottle of infantile food, which she tenderly applied +to the baby's impatient lips; and while the ensuing degustation +went on, she seated herself with a beaming countenance beside her +visitor. + +"You're sure you won't let me warm up a drop of coffee for you, +Miss Bart? There's some of baby's fresh milk left over--well, +maybe you'd rather just sit quiet and rest a little while. It's +too lovely having you here. I've thought of it so often that I +can't believe it's really come true. I've said to George again +and again: 'I just wish Miss Bart could see me NOW--' and I used +to watch for your name in the papers, and we'd talk over what you +were doing, and read the descriptions of the dresses you wore. I +haven't seen your name for a long time, though, and I began to be +afraid you were sick, and it worried me so that George said I'd +get sick myself, fretting about it." Her lips broke into a +reminiscent smile. "Well, I can't afford to be sick again, that's +a fact: the last spell nearly finished me. When you sent me off +that time I never thought I'd come back alive, and I didn't much +care if I did. You see I didn't know about George and the baby +then." + +She paused to readjust the bottle to the child's bubbling mouth. + +"You precious--don't you be in too much of a hurry! Was it mad +with mommer for getting its supper so late? Marry +Anto'nette--that's what we call her: after the French queen in +that play at the Garden--I told George the actress reminded me of +you, and that made me fancy the name . . . I never thought I'd +get married, you know, and I'd never have had the heart to go on +working just for myself." + +She broke off again, and meeting the encouragement in Lily's +eyes, went on, with a flush rising under her anaemic skin: "You +see I wasn't only just SICK that time you sent me off--I was +dreadfully unhappy too. I'd known a gentleman where I was +employed--I don't know as you remember I did type-writing in a +big importing firm--and--well--I thought we were to be married: +he'd gone steady with me six months and given me his mother's +wedding ring. But I presume he was too stylish for me--he +travelled for the firm, and had seen a great deal of society. +Work girls aren't looked after the way you are, and they don't +always know how to look after themselves. I didn't . . . and it +pretty near killed me when he went away and left off writing . . . + It was then I came down sick--I thought it was the end of +everything. I guess it would have been if you hadn't sent me off. +But when I found I was getting well I began to take heart in +spite of myself. And then, when I got back home, George came +round and asked me to marry him. At first I thought I couldn't, +because we'd been brought up together, and I knew he knew about +me. But after a while I began to see that that made it easier. I +never could have told another man, and I'd never have married +without telling; but if George cared for me enough to have me as +I was, I didn't see why I shouldn't begin over again--and I did." + +The strength of the victory shone forth from her as she lifted +her irradiated face from the child on her knees. "But, mercy, I +didn't mean to go on like this about myself, with you sitting +there looking so fagged out. Only it's so lovely having you here, +and letting you see just how you've helped me." The baby had sunk +back blissfully replete, and Mrs. Struther softly rose to +lay the bottle aside. Then she paused before Miss Bart. + +"I only wish I could help YOU--but I suppose there's nothing on +earth I could do," she murmured wistfully. + +Lily, instead of answering, rose with a smile and held out her +arms; and the mother, understanding the gesture, laid her child +in them. + +The baby, feeling herself detached from her habitual anchorage, +made an instinctive motion of resistance; but the soothing +influences of digestion prevailed, and Lily felt the soft weight +sink trustfully against her breast. The child's confidence in its +safety thrilled her with a sense of warmth and returning life, +and she bent over, wondering at the rosy blur of the little face, +the empty clearness of the eyes, the vague tendrilly motions of +the folding and unfolding fingers. At first the burden in her +arms seemed as light as a pink cloud or a heap of down, but as +she continued to hold it the weight increased, sinking deeper, +and penetrating her with a strange sense of weakness, as though +the child entered into her and became a part of herself. + +She looked up, and saw Nettie's eyes resting on her with +tenderness and exultation. + +"Wouldn't it be too lovely for anything if she could grow up to +be just like you? Of course I know she never COULD--but mothers +are always dreaming the craziest things for their children." + +Lily clasped the child close for a moment and laid her back in +her mother's arms. + +"Oh, she must not do that--I should be afraid to come and see her +too often!" she said with a smile; and then, resisting Mrs. +Struther's anxious offer of companionship, and reiterating the +promise that of course she would come back soon, and make +George's acquaintance, and see the baby in her bath, she passed +out of the kitchen and went alone down the tenement stairs. + + + +As she reached the street she realized that she felt stronger and +happier: the little episode had done her good. It was the first +time she had ever come across the results of her spasmodic +benevolence, and the surprised sense of human fellowship took the +mortal chill from her heart. + +It was not till she entered her own door that she felt the +reaction of a deeper loneliness. It was long after seven o'clock, +and the light and odours proceeding from the basement made it +manifest that the boarding-house dinner had begun. She hastened +up to her room, lit the gas, and began to dress. She did not mean +to pamper herself any longer, to go without food because her +surroundings made it unpalatable. Since it was her fate to live +in a boarding-house, she must learn to fall in with the +conditions of the life. Nevertheless she was glad that, when she +descended to the heat and glare of the dining-room, the repast +was nearly over. + + + +In her own room again, she was seized with a sudden fever of +activity. For weeks past she had been too listless and +indifferent to set her possessions in order, but now she began to +examine systematically the contents of her drawers and cupboard. +She had a few handsome dresses left--survivals of her last phase +of splendour, on the Sabrina and in London--but when she had been +obliged to part with her maid she had given the woman a generous +share of her cast-off apparel. The remaining dresses, though they +had lost their freshness, still kept the long unerring lines, the +sweep and amplitude of the great artist's stroke, and as she +spread them out on the bed the scenes in which they had been worn +rose vividly before her. An association lurked in every fold: +each fall of lace and gleam of embroidery was like a letter in +the record of her past. She was startled to find how the +atmosphere of her old life enveloped her. But, after all, it was +the life she had been made for: every dawning tendency in her had +been carefully directed toward it, all her interests and +activities had been taught to centre around it. She was like some +rare flower grown for exhibition, a flower from which every bud +had been nipped except the crowning blossom of her beauty. + +Last of all, she drew forth from the bottom of her trunk a heap +of white drapery which fell shapelessly across her arm. It was +the Reynolds dress she had worn in the Bry TABLEAUX. It had been +impossible for her to give it away, but she had never seen it +since that night, and the long flexible folds, as she +shook them out, gave forth an odour of violets which came to her +like a breath from the flower-edged fountain where she had stood +with Lawrence Selden and disowned her fate. She put back the +dresses one by one, laying away with each some gleam of light, +some note of laughter, some stray waft from the rosy shores of +pleasure. She was still in a state of highly-wrought +impressionability, and every hint of the past sent a lingering +tremor along her nerves. + +She had just closed her trunk on the white folds of the Reynolds +dress when she heard a tap at her door, and the red fist of the +Irish maid-servant thrust in a belated letter. Carrying it to the +light, Lily read with surprise the address stamped on the upper +corner of the envelope. It was a business communication from the +office of her aunt's executors, and she wondered what unexpected +development had caused them to break silence before the appointed +time. She opened the envelope and a cheque fluttered to the +floor. As she stooped to pick it up the blood rushed to her face. +The cheque represented the full amount of Mrs. Peniston's legacy, +and the letter accompanying it explained that the executors, +having adjusted the business of the estate with less delay than +they had expected, had decided to anticipate the date fixed for +the payment of the bequests. + +Lily sat down beside the desk at the foot of her bed, and +spreading out the cheque, read over and over the TEN THOUSAND +DOLLARS written across it in a steely business hand. Ten months +earlier the amount it stood for had represented the depths of +penury; but her standard of values had changed in the interval, +and now visions of wealth lurked in every flourish of the pen. As +she continued to gaze at it, she felt the glitter of the visions +mounting to her brain, and after a while she lifted the lid of +the desk and slipped the magic formula out of sight. It was +easier to think without those five figures dancing before her +eyes; and she had a great deal of thinking to do before she +slept. + +She opened her cheque-book, and plunged into such anxious +calculations as had prolonged her vigil at Bellomont on the night +when she had decided to marry Percy Gryce. Poverty simplifies +book-keeping, and her financial situation was easier to ascertain +than it had been then; but she had not yet learned the +control of money, and during her transient phase of luxury at the +Emporium she had slipped back into habits of extravagance which +still impaired her slender balance. A careful examination of her +cheque-book, and of the unpaid bills in her desk, showed that, +when the latter had been settled, she would have barely enough to +live on for the next three or four months; and even after that, +if she were to continue her present way of living, without +earning any additional money, all incidental expenses must be +reduced to the vanishing point. She hid her eyes with a shudder, +beholding herself at the entrance of that ever-narrowing +perspective down which she had seen Miss Silverton's dowdy figure +take its despondent way. + +It was no longer, however, from the vision of material poverty +that she turned with the greatest shrinking. She had a sense of +deeper empoverishment--of an inner destitution compared to which +outward conditions dwindled into insignificance. It was indeed +miserable to be poor--to look forward to a shabby, anxious +middle-age, leading by dreary degrees of economy and self-denial +to gradual absorption in the dingy communal existence of the +boarding-house. But there was something more miserable still--it +was the clutch of solitude at her heart, the sense of being swept +like a stray uprooted growth down the heedless current of the +years. That was the feeling which possessed her now--the feeling +of being something rootless and ephemeral, mere spin-drift of the +whirling surface of existence, without anything to which the poor +little tentacles of self could cling before the awful flood +submerged them. And as she looked back she saw that there had +never been a time when she had had any real relation to life. Her +parents too had been rootless, blown hither and thither on every +wind of fashion, without any personal existence to shelter them +from its shifting gusts. She herself had grown up without any one +spot of earth being dearer to her than another: there was no +centre of early pieties, of grave endearing traditions, to which +her heart could revert and from which it could draw strength for +itself and tenderness for others. In whatever form a +slowly-accumulated past lives in the blood--whether in the +concrete image of the old house stored with visual memories, or +in the conception of the house not built with hands, but +made up of inherited passions and loyalties--it has the same +power of broadening and deepening the individual existence, of +attaching it by mysterious links of kinship to all the mighty sum +of human striving. + +Such a vision of the solidarity of life had never before come to +Lily. She had had a premonition of it in the blind motions of her +mating-instinct; but they had been checked by the disintegrating +influences of the life about her. All the men and women she knew +were like atoms whirling away from each other in some wild +centrifugal dance: her first glimpse of the continuity of life +had come to her that evening in Nettie Struther's kitchen. + +The poor little working-girl who had found strength to gather up +the fragments of her life, and build herself a shelter with them, +seemed to Lily to have reached the central truth of existence. It +was a meagre enough life, on the grim edge of poverty, with scant +margin for possibilities of sickness or mischance, but it had the +frail audacious permanence of a bird's nest built on the edge of +a cliff--a mere wisp of leaves and straw, yet so put together +that the lives entrusted to it may hang safely over the abyss. + +Yes--but it had taken two to build the nest; the man's faith as +well as the woman's courage. Lily remembered Nettie's words: I +KNEW HE KNEW ABOUT ME. Her husband's faith in her had made her +renewal possible--it is so easy for a woman to become what the +man she loves believes her to be! Well--Selden had twice been +ready to stake his faith on Lily Bart; but the third trial had +been too severe for his endurance. The very quality of his love +had made it the more impossible to recall to life. If it had been +a simple instinct of the blood, the power of her beauty might +have revived it. But the fact that it struck deeper, that it was +inextricably wound up with inherited habits of thought and +feeling, made it as impossible to restore to growth as a +deep-rooted plant torn from its bed. Selden had given her of his +best; but he was as incapable as herself of an uncritical return +to former states of feeling. + +There remained to her, as she had told him, the uplifting memory +of his faith in her; but she had not reached the age when a woman +can live on her memories. As she held Nettie Struther's +child in her arms the frozen currents of youth had loosed +themselves and run warm in her veins: the old life-hunger +possessed her, and all her being clamoured for its share of +personal happiness. Yes--it was happiness she still wanted, and +the glimpse she had caught of it made everything else of no +account. One by one she had detached herself from the baser +possibilities, and she saw that nothing now remained to her but +the emptiness of renunciation. + +It was growing late, and an immense weariness once more possessed +her. It was not the stealing sense of sleep, but a vivid wakeful +fatigue, a wan lucidity of mind against which all the +possibilities of the future were shadowed forth gigantically. She +was appalled by the intense cleanness of the vision; she seemed +to have broken through the merciful veil which intervenes between +intention and action, and to see exactly what she would do in all +the long days to come. There was the cheque in her desk, for +instance--she meant to use it in paying her debt to Trenor; but +she foresaw that when the morning came she would put off doing +so, would slip into gradual tolerance of the debt. The thought +terrified her--she dreaded to fall from the height of her last +moment with Lawrence Selden. But how could she trust herself to +keep her footing? She knew the strength of the opposing +impulses-she could feel the countless hands of habit dragging her +back into some fresh compromise with fate. She felt an intense +longing to prolong, to perpetuate, the momentary exaltation of +her spirit. If only life could end now--end on this tragic yet +sweet vision of lost possibilities, which gave her a sense of +kinship with all the loving and foregoing in the world! + +She reached out suddenly and, drawing the cheque from her +writing-desk, enclosed it in an envelope which she addressed to +her bank. She then wrote out a cheque for Trenor, and placing it, +without an accompanying word, in an envelope inscribed with his +name, laid the two letters side by side on her desk. After that +she continued to sit at the table, sorting her papers and +writing, till the intense silence of the house reminded her of +the lateness of the hour. In the street the noise of wheels had +ceased, and the rumble of the "elevated" came only at long +intervals through the deep unnatural hush. In the mysterious +nocturnal separation from all outward signs of life, she +felt herself more strangely confronted with her fate. The +sensation made her brain reel, and she tried to shut out +consciousness by pressing her hands against her eyes. But the +terrible silence and emptiness seemed to symbolize her +future--she felt as though the house, the street, the world were +all empty, and she alone left sentient in a lifeless universe. + +But this was the verge of delirium . . . she had never hung so +near the dizzy brink of the unreal. Sleep was what she +wanted--she remembered that she had not closed her eyes for two +nights. The little bottle was at her bed-side, waiting to lay its +spell upon her. She rose and undressed hastily, hungering now for +the touch of her pillow. She felt so profoundly tired that she +thought she must fall asleep at once; but as soon as she had lain +down every nerve started once more into separate wakefulness. It +was as though a great blaze of electric light had been turned on +in her head, and her poor little anguished self shrank and +cowered in it, without knowing where to take refuge. + +She had not imagined that such a multiplication of wakefulness +was possible: her whole past was reenacting itself at a hundred +different points of consciousness. Where was the drug that could +still this legion of insurgent nerves? The sense of exhaustion +would have been sweet compared to this shrill beat of activities; +but weariness had dropped from her as though some cruel stimulant +had been forced into her veins. + +She could bear it--yes, she could bear it; but what strength +would be left her the next day? Perspective had disappeared--the +next day pressed close upon her, and on its heels came the days +that were to follow--they swarmed about her like a shrieking mob. +She must shut them out for a few hours; she must take a brief +bath of oblivion. She put out her hand, and measured the soothing +drops into a glass; but as she did so, she knew they would be +powerless against the supernatural lucidity of her brain. She had +long since raised the dose to its highest limit, but tonight she +felt she must increase it. She knew she took a slight risk in +doing so--she remembered the chemist's warning. If sleep came at +all, it might be a sleep without waking. But after all that was +but one chance in a hundred: the action of the drug was +incalculable, and the addition of a few drops to the regular dose +would probably do no more than procure for her the rest she so +desperately needed.... + +She did not, in truth, consider the question very closely--the +physical craving for sleep was her only sustained sensation. Her +mind shrank from the glare of thought as instinctively as eyes +contract in a blaze of light--darkness, darkness was what she +must have at any cost. She raised herself in bed and swallowed +the contents of the glass; then she blew out her candle and lay +down. + +She lay very still, waiting with a sensuous pleasure for the +first effects of the soporific. She knew in advance what form +they would take--the gradual cessation of the inner throb, the +soft approach of passiveness, as though an invisible hand made +magic passes over her in the darkness. The very slowness and +hesitancy of the effect increased its fascination: it was +delicious to lean over and look down into the dim abysses of +unconsciousness. Tonight the drug seemed to work more slowly than +usual: each passionate pulse had to be stilled in turn, and it +was long before she felt them dropping into abeyance, like +sentinels falling asleep at their posts. But gradually the sense +of complete subjugation came over her, and she wondered languidly +what had made her feel so uneasy and excited. She saw now that +there was nothing to be excited about--she had returned to her +normal view of life. Tomorrow would not be so difficult after +all: she felt sure that she would have the strength to meet it. +She did not quite remember what it was that she had been afraid +to meet, but the uncertainty no longer troubled her. She had been +unhappy, and now she was happy--she had felt herself alone, and +now the sense of loneliness had vanished. + +She stirred once, and turned on her side, and as she did so, she +suddenly understood why she did not feel herself alone. It was +odd--but Nettie Struther's child was lying on her arm: she felt +the pressure of its little head against her shoulder. She did not +know how it had come there, but she felt no great surprise at the +fact, only a gentle penetrating thrill of warmth and pleasure. +She settled herself into an easier position, hollowing her arm to +pillow the round downy head, and holding her breath lest +a sound should disturb the sleeping child. + +As she lay there she said to herself that there was something she +must tell Selden, some word she had found that should make life +clear between them. She tried to repeat the word, which lingered +vague and luminous on the far edge of thought--she was afraid of +not remembering it when she woke; and if she could only remember +it and say it to him, she felt that everything would be well. + +Slowly the thought of the word faded, and sleep began to enfold +her. She struggled faintly against it, feeling that she ought to +keep awake on account of the baby; but even this feeling was +gradually lost in an indistinct sense of drowsy peace, through +which, of a sudden, a dark flash of loneliness and terror tore +its way. + +She started up again, cold and trembling with the shock: for a +moment she seemed to have lost her hold of the child. But no--she +was mistaken--the tender pressure of its body was still close to +hers: the recovered warmth flowed through her once more, she +yielded to it, sank into it, and slept. + + + +Chapter 14 + +The next morning rose mild and bright, with a promise of summer +in the air. The sunlight slanted joyously down Lily's street, +mellowed the blistered house-front, gilded the paintless railings +of the door-step, and struck prismatic glories from the panes of +her darkened window. + +When such a day coincides with the inner mood there is +intoxication in its breath; and Selden, hastening along the +street through the squalor of its morning confidences, felt +himself thrilling with a youthful sense of adventure. He had cut +loose from the familiar shores of habit, and launched himself on +uncharted seas of emotion; all the old tests and measures were +left behind, and his course was to be shaped by new stars. + +That course, for the moment, led merely to Miss Bart's +boarding-house; but its shabby door-step had suddenly become the +threshold of the untried. As he approached he looked up at the +triple row of windows, wondering boyishly which one of them was +hers. It was nine o'clock, and the house, being tenanted by +workers, already showed an awakened front to the street. He +remembered afterward having noticed that only one blind was down. +He noticed too that there was a pot of pansies on one of the +window sills, and at once concluded that the window must be hers: +it was inevitable that he should connect her with the one touch +of beauty in the dingy scene. + +Nine o'clock was an early hour for a visit, but Selden had passed +beyond all such conventional observances. He only knew that he +must see Lily Bart at once--he had found the word he meant to say +to her, and it could not wait another moment to be said. It was +strange that it had not come to his lips sooner--that he had let +her pass from him the evening before without being able to speak +it. But what did that matter, now that a new day had come? It was +not a word for twilight, but for the morning. + +Selden ran eagerly up the steps and pulled the bell; and even in +his state of self-absorption it came as a sharp surprise to him +that the door should open so promptly. It was still more +of a surprise to see, as he entered, that it had been opened by +Gerty Farish--and that behind her, in an agitated blur, several +other figures ominously loomed. + +"Lawrence!" Gerty cried in a strange voice, "how could you get +here so quickly?"--and the trembling hand she laid on him seemed +instantly to close about his heart. + +He noticed the other faces, vague with fear and conjecture--he +saw the landlady's imposing bulk sway professionally toward him; +but he shrank back, putting up his hand, while his eyes +mechanically mounted the steep black walnut stairs, up which he +was immediately aware that his cousin was about to lead him. + +A voice in the background said that the doctor might be back at +any minute--and that nothing, upstairs, was to be disturbed. Some +one else exclaimed: "It was the greatest mercy--" then Selden +felt that Gerty had taken him gently by the hand, and that they +were to be suffered to go up alone. + +In silence they mounted the three flights, and walked along the +passage to a closed door. Gerty opened the door, and Selden went +in after her. Though the blind was down, the irresistible +sunlight poured a tempered golden flood into the room, and in its +light Selden saw a narrow bed along the wall, and on the bed, +with motionless hands and calm unrecognizing face, the semblance +of Lily Bart. + +That it was her real self, every pulse in him ardently denied. +Her real self had lain warm on his heart but a few hours +earlier--what had he to do with this estranged and tranquil face +which, for the first time, neither paled nor brightened at his +coming? + +Gerty, strangely tranquil too, with the conscious self-control of +one who has ministered to much pain, stood by the bed, speaking +gently, as if transmitting a final message. + +"The doctor found a bottle of chloral--she had been sleeping +badly for a long time, and she must have taken an overdose by +mistake.... There is no doubt of that--no doubt--there will be no +question--he has been very kind. I told him that you and I would +like to be left alone with her--to go over her things before any +one else comes. I know it is what she would have wished." + +Selden was hardly conscious of what she said. He stood +looking down on the sleeping face which seemed to lie like a +delicate impalpable mask over the living lineaments he had known. +He felt that the real Lily was still there, close to him, yet +invisible and inaccessible; and the tenuity of the barrier +between them mocked him with a sense of helplessness. There had +never been more than a little impalpable barrier between +them--and yet he had suffered it to keep them apart! And now, +though it seemed slighter and frailer than ever, it had suddenly +hardened to adamant, and he might beat his life out against it in +vain. + +He had dropped on his knees beside the bed, but a touch from +Gerty aroused him. He stood up, and as their eyes met he was +struck by the extraordinary light in his cousin's face. + +"You understand what the doctor has gone for? He has promised +that there shall be no trouble--but of course the formalities +must be gone through. And I asked him to give us time to look +through her things first---" + +He nodded, and she glanced about the small bare room. "It won't +take long," she concluded. + +"No--it won't take long," he agreed. + +She held his hand in hers a moment longer, and then, with a last +look at the bed, moved silently toward the door. On the threshold +she paused to add: "You will find me downstairs if you want me." + +Selden roused himself to detain her. "But why are you going? She +would have wished---" + +Gerty shook her head with a smile. "No: this is what she would +have wished---" and as she spoke a light broke through Selden's +stony misery, and he saw deep into the hidden things of love. + +The door closed on Gerty, and he stood alone with the motionless +sleeper on the bed. His impulse was to return to her side, to +fall on his knees, and rest his throbbing head against the +peaceful cheek on the pillow. They had never been at peace +together, they two; and now he felt himself drawn downward into +the strange mysterious depths of her tranquillity. + +But he remembered Gerty's warning words--he knew that, though +time had ceased in this room, its feet were hastening +relentlessly toward the door. Gerty had given him this supreme +half-hour, and he must use it as she willed. + +He turned and looked about him, sternly compelling himself to +regain his consciousness of outward things. There was very little +furniture in the room. The shabby chest of drawers was spread +with a lace cover, and set out with a few gold-topped boxes and +bottles, a rose-coloured pin-cushion, a glass tray strewn with +tortoise-shell hair-pins--he shrank from the poignant intimacy of +these trifles, and from the blank surface of the toilet-mirror +above them. + +These were the only traces of luxury, of that clinging to the +minute observance of personal seemliness, which showed what her +other renunciations must have cost. There was no other token of +her personality about the room, unless it showed itself in the +scrupulous neatness of the scant articles of furniture: a +washing-stand, two chairs, a small writing-desk, and the little +table near the bed. On this table stood the empty bottle and +glass, and from these also he averted his eyes. + +The desk was closed, but on its slanting lid lay two letters +which he took up. One bore the address of a bank, and as it was +stamped and sealed, Selden, after a moment's hesitation, laid it +aside. On the other letter he read Gus Trenor's name; and the +flap of the envelope was still ungummed. + +Temptation leapt on him like the stab of a knife. He staggered +under it, steadying himself against the desk. Why had she been +writing to Trenor--writing, presumably, just after their parting +of the previous evening? The thought unhallowed the memory of +that last hour, made a mock of the word he had come to speak, and +defiled even the reconciling silence upon which it fell. He felt +himself flung back on all the ugly uncertainties from which he +thought he had cast loose forever. After all, what did he know of +her life? Only as much as she had chosen to show him, and +measured by the world's estimate, how little that was! By what +right--the letter in his hand seemed to ask--by what right was it +he who now passed into her confidence through the gate which +death had left unbarred? His heart cried out that it was by right +of their last hour together, the hour when she herself had placed +the key in his hand. Yes--but what if the letter to Trenor had +been written afterward? + +He put it from him with sudden loathing, and setting his lips, +addressed himself resolutely to what remained of his task. After +all, that task would be easier to perform, now that his personal +stake in it was annulled. + +He raised the lid of the desk, and saw within it a cheque-book +and a few packets of bills and letters, arranged with the orderly +precision which characterized all her personal habits. He looked +through the letters first, because it was the most difficult part +of the work. They proved to be few and unimportant, but among +them he found, with a strange commotion of the heart, the note he +had written her the day after the Brys' entertainment. + +"When may I come to you?"--his words overwhelmed him with a +realization of the cowardice which had driven him from her at the +very moment of attainment. Yes--he had always feared his fate, +and he was too honest to disown his cowardice now; for had not +all his old doubts started to life again at the mere sight of +Trenor's name? + +He laid the note in his card-case, folding it away carefully, as +something made precious by the fact that she had held it so; +then, growing once more aware of the lapse of time, he continued +his examination of the papers. + +To his surprise, he found that all the bills were receipted; +there was not an unpaid account among them. He opened the +cheque-book, and saw that, the very night before, a cheque of ten +thousand dollars from Mrs. Peniston's executors had been entered +in it. The legacy, then, had been paid sooner than Gerty had led +him to expect. But, turning another page or two, he discovered +with astonishment that, in spite of this recent accession of +funds, the balance had already declined to a few dollars. A rapid +glance at the stubs of the last cheques, all of which bore the +date of the previous day, showed that between four or five +hundred dollars of the legacy had been spent in the settlement of +bills, while the remaining thousands were comprehended in one +cheque, made out, at the same time, to Charles Augustus Trenor. + +Selden laid the book aside, and sank into the chair beside the +desk. He leaned his elbows on it, and hid his face in his +hands. The bitter waters of life surged high about him, their +sterile taste was on his lips. Did the cheque to Trenor explain +the mystery or deepen it? At first his mind refused to act--he +felt only the taint of such a transaction between a man like +Trenor and a girl like Lily Bart. Then, gradually, his troubled +vision cleared, old hints and rumours came back to him, and out +of the very insinuations he had feared to probe, he constructed +an explanation of the mystery. It was true, then, that she had +taken money from Trenor; but true also, as the contents of the +little desk declared, that the obligation had been intolerable to +her, and that at the first opportunity she had freed herself from +it, though the act left her face to face with bare unmitigated +poverty. + +That was all he knew--all he could hope to unravel of the story. +The mute lips on the pillow refused him more than this--unless +indeed they had told him the rest in the kiss they had left upon +his forehead. Yes, he could now read into that farewell all that +his heart craved to find there; he could even draw from it +courage not to accuse himself for having failed to reach the +height of his opportunity. + +He saw that all the conditions of life had conspired to keep them +apart; since his very detachment from the external influences +which swayed her had increased his spiritual fastidiousness, and +made it more difficult for him to live and love uncritically. But +at least he HAD loved her--had been willing to stake his future +on his faith in her--and if the moment had been fated to pass +from them before they could seize it, he saw now that, for both, +it had been saved whole out of the ruin of their lives. + +It was this moment of love, this fleeting victory over +themselves, which had kept them from atrophy and extinction; +which, in her, had reached out to him in every struggle against +the influence of her surroundings, and in him, had kept alive the +faith that now drew him penitent and reconciled to her side. + +He knelt by the bed and bent over her, draining their last moment +to its lees; and in the silence there passed between them the +word which made all clear. + + +THE END + + +Notes: + +1. I have modernized this text by modernizing the contractions: +do n't becomes don't, etc. + +2. I have retained the British spelling of words like favour and +colour. + +3. I found and corrected one instance of the name "Gertie," +which I changed to "Gerty" to be consistent with rest of the +book. + +Linda Ruoff + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Etext of House of Mirth by Edith Wharton + + |