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<pre>
The Project Gutenberg eBook, Fanny and the Servant Problem, by Jerome K.
Jerome
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
Title: Fanny and the Servant Problem
A Quite Possible Play in Four Acts
Author: Jerome K. Jerome
Release Date: September 8, 2014 [eBook #2829]
[This file was first posted on 2 August 2000]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FANNY AND THE SERVANT PROBLEM***
</pre>
<p>Transcribed from the 1909 Hodder & Stoughton edition by
David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p>
<div class="gapmediumline"> </div>
<h1><i>Fanny and</i><br />
<i>the Servant Problem</i></h1>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>A Quite Possible Play in Four
Acts</i></p>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>By</i><br />
<b><i>Jerome K. Jerome</i></b></p>
<div class="gapmediumdoubleline"> </div>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>COPYRIGHT</i> 1909 <i>BY</i><br
/>
<i>JEROME KLAPKA JEROME</i></p>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<div class="gapmediumline"> </div>
<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>Hodder and
Stoughton</i></b><br />
<b><i>Limited</i></b> <b><i>London</i></b></p>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<p>Amateurs wishing to perform this play should apply to:</p>
<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Samuel
French</span>, <span class="smcap">Ltd</span>.</p>
<p style="text-align: right">26 <span class="smcap">Southampton
Street</span>,<br />
<span class="smcap">Strand</span>, W.C.2.</p>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>Made and Printed in Great
Britain</i>.<br />
<i>Hazell</i>, <i>Watson & Viney</i>, <i>Ld.</i>, <i>London
and Aylesbury</i>.</p>
<h2>THE CHARACTERS</h2>
<p><i>Fanny</i></p>
<p><i>Her Husband</i>, <i>Vernon Wetherell</i>, <i>Lord
Bantock</i></p>
<p><i>Her Butler</i>, <i>Martin Bennet</i></p>
<p><i>Her Housekeeper</i>, <i>Susannah Bennet</i></p>
<p><i>Her Maid</i>, <i>Jane Bennet</i></p>
<p><i>Her Second Footman</i>, <i>Ernest Bennet</i></p>
<p><i>Her Still-room Maid</i>, <i>Honoria Bennet</i></p>
<p><i>Her Aunts by marriage</i>, <i>the Misses Wetherell</i></p>
<p><i>Her Local Medical Man</i>, <i>Dr. Freemantle</i></p>
<p><i>Her quondam Companions</i>, “<i>Our
Empire</i>”:<br />
<i>England</i><br />
<i>Scotland</i><br />
<i>Ireland</i><br />
<i>Wales</i><br />
<i>Canada</i><br />
<i>Australia</i><br />
<i>New Zealand</i><br />
<i>Africa</i><br />
<i>India</i><br />
<i>Newfoundland</i><br />
<i>Malay Archipelago</i><br />
<i>Straits Settlements</i></p>
<p><i>Her former Business Manager</i>, <i>George P. Newte</i></p>
<h2><i>ACT I</i></h2>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p>
<p><i>The Lady Bantock’s boudoir</i>, <i>Bantock Hall</i>,
<i>Rutlandshire</i>, <i>a spacious room handsomely furnished</i>
(<i>chiefly in the style of Louis the Fourteenth</i>) <i>and
lighted by three high windows</i>, <i>facing the
south-west</i>. <i>A door between the fireplace and the
windows leads to his lordship’s apartments</i>. <i>A
door the other side of the fireplace is the general
entrance</i>. <i>The door opposite the windows leads
through her ladyship’s dressing-room into her
ladyship’s bedroom</i>. <i>Over the great fireplace
hangs a full-length portrait of Constance</i>, <i>first Lady
Bantock</i>, <i>by Hoppner</i>.</p>
<p><i>The time is sunset of a day in early spring</i>.
<i>The youthful Lord Bantock is expected home with his newly
wedded wife this evening</i>; <i>and the two Misses
Wetherell</i>, <i>his aunts</i>, <i>have been busy decorating the
room with flowers</i>, <i>and are nearing the end of their
labours</i>. <i>The two Misses Wetherell have grown so much
alike it would be difficult for a stranger to tell one from the
other</i>; <i>and to add to his confusion they have fallen into
the habit of dressing much alike in a fashion of their own that
went out long ago</i>, <i>while the hair of both is white</i>,
<i>and even in their voices they have caught each other’s
tones</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she
has paused from her work and is looking out of the
windows</i>]. Such a lovely sunset, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>she leaves her work and joins her sister</i>. <i>The
two stand holding each other’s hands</i>, <i>looking
out</i>]. Beautiful! [<i>A silence</i>. <i>The
sun is streaming full into the room</i>.] You—you
don’t think, dear, that this room—[<i>she looks round
it</i>]—may possibly be a little <i>too</i> sunny to quite
suit her?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>not
at first understanding</i>]. How, dear, <i>too</i>
sun—[<i>She grasps the meaning</i>.] You
mean—you think that perhaps she does that sort of
thing?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Well, dear, one is always given to
understand that they do, women—ladies of her
profession.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It seems to me so wicked: painting God’s work.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We mustn’t judge hardly,
dear. Besides, dear, we don’t know yet that she
does.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Perhaps she’s young, and hasn’t commenced it. I
fancy it’s only the older ones that do it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. He didn’t mention her age, I
remember.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
No, dear, but I feel she’s young.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I do hope she is. We may be able to
mould her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We must be very sympathetic. One can accomplish so much
with sympathy.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We must get to understand her.
[<i>A sudden thought</i>.] Perhaps, dear, we may get to
like her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>doubtful</i>]. We might <i>try</i>, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. For Vernon’s sake. The poor
boy seems so much in love with her. We must—</p>
<p><i>Bennet has entered</i>. <i>He is the butler</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Doctor
Freemantle. I have shown him into the library.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Thank you, Bennet. Will you please
tell him that we shall be down in a few minutes? I must
just finish these flowers. [<i>She returns to the
table</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Why not ask him to come up here? We could consult
him—about the room. He always knows everything.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. A good idea. Please ask him,
Bennet, if he would mind coming up to us here.
[<i>Bennet</i>, <i>who has been piling up fresh logs upon the
fire</i>, <i>turns to go</i>.] Oh, Bennet! You will
remind Charles to put a footwarmer in the carriage!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I will see to it
myself. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Thank you, Bennet. [<i>To her
sister</i>] One’s feet are always so cold after a
railway journey.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I’ve been told that, nowadays, they heat the carriages.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Ah, it is an age of luxury! I wish
I knew which were her favourite flowers. It is so nice to
be greeted by one’s favourite flowers.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I feel sure she loves lilies.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And they are so appropriate to a
bride. So—</p>
<p><i>Announced by Bennet</i>, <i>Dr. Freemantle bustles
in</i>. <i>He is a dapper little man</i>,
<i>clean-shaven</i>, <i>with quick brisk ways</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he shakes
hands</i>]. Well, and how are we this afternoon?
[<i>He feels the pulse of the Younger Miss Wetherell</i>]
Steadier. Much steadier! [<i>of the Elder Miss
Wetherell</i>.] Nervous tension greatly relieved.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. She has been sleeping much better.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he pats the
hand of the Elder Miss Wetherell</i>]. Excellent!
Excellent!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
She ate a good breakfast this morning.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he pats the
hand of the Younger Miss Wetherell</i>]. Couldn’t
have a better sign. [<i>He smiles from one to the
other</i>.] Brain disturbance, caused by futile opposition
to the inevitable, evidently abating. One page Marcus
Aurelius every morning before breakfast. “Adapt
thyself,” says Marcus Aurelius, “to the things with
which thy lot has been cast. Whatever
happens—”</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. You see, doctor, it was all so
sudden.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. The
unexpected! It has a way of taking us by
surprise—bowling us over—completely. Till we
pull ourselves together. Make the best of what can’t
be helped—like brave, sweet gentlewomen. [<i>He
presses their hands</i>. <i>They are both wiping away a
tear</i>.] When do you expect them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
To-night, by the half-past eight train. We had a telegram
this morning from Dover.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Um! and
this is to be her room? [<i>He takes it in</i>.] The
noble and renowned Constance, friend and confidant of the elder
Pitt, maker of history, first Lady Bantock—by
Hoppner—always there to keep an eye on her, remind her of
the family traditions. Brilliant idea, brilliant!
[<i>They are both smiling with pleasure</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
And you don’t think—it is what we wanted to ask
you—that there is any fear of her finding it a little
trying—the light? You see, this is an exceptionally
sunny room.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And these actresses—if all one
hears is true—</p>
<p><i>The dying sun is throwing his last beams across the
room</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Which,
thank God, it isn’t. [<i>He seats himself in a large
easy-chair</i>. <i>The two ladies sit side by side on a
settee</i>.] I’ll tell you just exactly what
you’ve got to expect. A lady—a few years older
than the boy himself, but still young. Exquisite figure;
dressed—perhaps a trifle too regardless of expense.
Hair—maybe just a shade <i>too</i> golden. All that
can be altered. Features—piquant, with expressive
eyes, the use of which she probably understands, and an almost
permanent smile, displaying an admirably preserved and remarkably
even set of teeth. But, above all, clever.
That’s our sheet-anchor. The woman’s
clever. She will know how to adapt herself to her new
position.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>turning to her sister</i>]. Yes, she must be clever to
have obtained the position that she has. [<i>To the
Doctor</i>] Vernon says that she was quite the chief
attraction all this winter, in Paris.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
And the French public is so critical.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>drily</i>]. Um! I was thinking rather of her
cleverness in “landing” poor Vernon. The
lad’s not a fool.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We must do her justice. I think she was really in love with
him.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>still more
drily</i>]. Very possibly. Most café-chantant
singers, I take it, would be—with an English lord.
[<i>He laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You see, she didn’t know he was a lord.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Didn’t know—?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. No. She married him, thinking him
to be a plain Mr. Wetherell, an artist.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Where
d’ye get all that from?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
From Vernon himself. You’ve got his last letter,
dear. [<i>She has opened her chatelaine bag</i>.] Oh,
no, I’ve got it myself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. He’s not going to break it to her
till they reach here this evening.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she
reads</i>]. Yes. “I shall not break it to her
before we reach home. We were married quietly at the
<i>Hôtel de Ville</i>, and she has no idea I am anything
else than plain Vernon James Wetherell, a fellow-countryman of
her own, and a fellow-artist. The dear creature has never
even inquired whether I am rich or poor.” I like her
for that.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. You mean
to tell me—[<i>He jumps up</i>. <i>With his hands in
his jacket pockets</i>, <i>he walks to and fro</i>.] I
suppose it’s possible.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You see, she isn’t the ordinary class of music-hall
singer.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I should
say not.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
She comes of quite a good family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Her uncle was a bishop.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Bishop? Of where?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>with the letter</i>]. He says he can’t spell
it. It’s somewhere in New Zealand.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Do they
have bishops over there?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Well, evidently.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Then her cousin is a judge.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. In New
Zealand?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>again referring to the letter</i>]. No—in
Ohio.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Seems to
have been a somewhat scattered family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. People go about so much nowadays.</p>
<p><i>Mrs. Bennet has entered</i>. <i>She is the
housekeeper</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she is about to
speak to the Misses Wetherell</i>; <i>sees the Doctor</i>].
Good afternoon, doctor.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Afternoon,
Mrs. Bennet.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she turns to the
Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>her watch in her hand</i>]. I was
thinking of having the fire lighted in her ladyship’s
bedroom. It is half past six.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You are always so thoughtful. She may be tired.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. If so,
everything will be quite ready. [<i>She goes out</i>,
<i>closing door</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. What do
they think about it all—the Bennets? You have told
them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We thought it better. You see, one
hardly regards them as servants. They have been in the
family so long. Three generations of them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Really, since our poor dear brother’s death, Bennet has
been more like the head of the house than the butler.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Of course, he doesn’t say much.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It is her having been on the stage that they feel so.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. You see, they have always been a
religious family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Do you know, I really think they feel it more than we do. I
found Peggy crying about it yesterday, in the scullery.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he has been
listening with a touch of amusement</i>.] Peggy Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Yes. <i>Charles</i> Bennet’s
daughter.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Happen to
have a servant about the place who isn’t a Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. No, no, I don’t really think we
have. Oh, yes—that new girl Mrs. Bennet engaged last
week for the dairy. What is her name?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Arnold.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Ah, yes, Arnold.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I think she’s a cousin, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Only a second cousin.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Um!
Well I should tell the whole family to buck up. Seems to
me, from what you tell me, that their master is bringing them
home a treasure. [<i>He shakes hands briskly with the
ladies</i>.] May look in again to-morrow. Don’t
forget—one page Marcus Aurelius before breakfast—in
case of need. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><i>The sun has sunk</i>. <i>The light is
twilight</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
He always cheers one up.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. He’s so alive. [<i>Mrs.
Bennet comes in from the dressing-room</i>. <i>She leaves
the door ajar</i>. <i>The sound of a hammer is
heard</i>. <i>It ceases almost immediately</i>.] Oh,
Mrs. Bennet, we were going to ask you—who is to be her
ladyship’s maid? Have you decided yet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. I have come
to the conclusion—looking at the thing from every point of
view—that Jane would be the best selection.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Jane!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
But does she understand the duties?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. A
lady’s maid, being so much alone with her mistress, is
bound to have a certain amount of influence. And Jane has
exceptionally high principles.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. That is true, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. As regards
the duties, she is very quick at learning anything new. Of
course, at first—</p>
<p><i>The sound of hammering again comes from the
bedroom</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Who is that hammering in her
ladyship’s bedroom?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. It is Bennet,
Miss Edith. We thought it might be helpful: a few texts,
hung where they would always catch her ladyship’s
eye. [<i>She notices the look of doubt</i>.] Nothing
offensive. Mere general exhortations such as could be read
by any lady. [<i>The Misses Wetherell look at one
another</i>, <i>but do not speak</i>.] I take it, dinner
will be at half past seven, as usual?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Yes, Mrs. Bennet, thank you. They will not be here till
about nine. They will probably prefer a little supper to
themselves.</p>
<p><i>Mrs. Bennet goes out—on her way to the
kitchen</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell look at one another
again</i>. <i>The hammering recommences</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>she hesitates a moment</i>, <i>then goes to the open door and
calls</i>]. Bennet—Bennet! [<i>She returns and
waits</i>. <i>Bennet comes in</i>.] Oh, Bennet, your
wife tells us you are putting up a few texts in her
ladyship’s bedroom.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It seemed to me
that a silent voice, speaking to her, as it were, from the
wall—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. It is so good of you—only,
you—you will be careful there is nothing she could regard
as a <i>personal</i> allusion.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Many of the most
popular I was compelled to reject, purely for that reason.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We felt sure we could trust to your discretion.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. You see, coming, as she does, from a good
family—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is that—I
speak merely for myself—that gives me hope of reclaiming
her.</p>
<p><i>A silence</i>. <i>The two ladies</i>, <i>feeling a
little helpless</i>, <i>again look at one another</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We must be very sympathetic.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And patient, Bennet.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is what I am
preparing myself to be. Of course, if you think them
inadvisable, I can take them down again.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. No, Bennet, oh no! I should leave
them up. Very thoughtful of you, indeed.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It seemed to me
one ought to leave no stone unturned. [<i>He returns to his
labours in the bedroom</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>after a pause</i>]. I do hope she’ll <i>like</i>
the Bennets.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I think she will—after a time, when she is used to
them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I am so anxious it should turn out
well.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I feel sure she’s a good woman. Vernon would never
have fallen in love with her if she hadn’t been good.
[<i>They take each other’s hand</i>, <i>and sit side by
side</i>, <i>as before</i>, <i>upon the settee</i>. <i>The
twilight has faded</i>: <i>only the faint firelight remains</i>,
<i>surrounded by shadows</i>.] Do you remember, when he was
a little mite, how he loved to play with your hair? [<i>The
younger Miss Wetherell laughs</i>.] I always envied you
your hair.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. He was so fond of us both. Do you
remember when he was recovering from the measles, his crying for
us to bath him instead of Mrs. Bennet? I have always
reproached myself that we refused.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
He was such a big boy for his age.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I think we might have stretched a point
in a case of illness.</p>
<p><i>The room has grown very dark</i>. <i>The door has
been softly opened</i>; <i>Vernon and Fanny have entered
noiselessly</i>. <i>Fanny remains near the door hidden by a
screen</i>, <i>Vernon has crept forward</i>. <i>At this
point the two ladies become aware that somebody is in the
room</i>. <i>They are alarmed</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Who’s there?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. It’s all
right, aunt. It’s only I.</p>
<p><i>The two ladies have risen</i>. <i>They run
forward</i>, <i>both take him in their arms</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Vernon!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
My dear boy!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. But we didn’t expect you—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
And your wife, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. She’s
here!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Here?</p>
<p><i>Fanny</i>, <i>from behind the screen</i>,
<i>laughs</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We’ll have
some light. [<i>He whispers to them</i>.] Not a
word—haven’t told her yet. [<i>Feeling his way
to the wall</i>, <i>he turns on the electric light</i>.]</p>
<p><i>Fanny is revealed</i>, <i>having slipped out from behind
the screen</i>. <i>There is a pause</i>.
<i>Vernon</i>, <i>standing near the fire</i>, <i>watches
admiringly</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Hope you are going
to like me.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. My dear, I am sure we shall.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It is so easy to love the young and pretty. [<i>They have
drawn close to her</i>. <i>They seem to hesitate</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. It
doesn’t come off, does it, Vernon, dear? [<i>Vernon
laughs</i>. <i>The two ladies</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>kiss
her</i>.] I’m so glad you think I’m
pretty. As a matter of fact, I’m not.
There’s a certain charm about me, I admit. It
deceives people.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We were afraid—you know, dear,
boys—[<i>she looks at Vernon and smiles</i>] sometimes fall
in love with women much older than themselves—especially
women—[<i>She grows confused</i>. <i>She takes the
girl’s hand</i>.] We are so relieved that
you—that you are yourself, dear,</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You were quite
right, dear. They are sweet. Which is which?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>].
Upon my word, I never can tell.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Vernon! And you know I was always
your favourite!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Dear!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Then this is Aunt
Alice.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. No dear, Edith.</p>
<p>[<i>Vernon throws up his hands in despair</i>. <i>They
all laugh</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I think I shall
dress you differently; put you in blue and you in pink.
[<i>She laughs</i>.] Is this the drawing-room?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Your room,
dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I like a room where
one can stretch one’s legs. [<i>She walks across
it</i>.] A little too much desk [<i>referring to a massive
brass-bound desk</i>, <i>facing the three windows</i>].</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It belonged to the elder Pitt.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Um! Suppose
we must find a corner for it somewhere. That’s a good
picture.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. It is by Hoppner.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One of your artist
friends?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well—you
see, dear, that’s a portrait of my great-grandmother,
painted from life.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she
whistles</i>]. I am awfully ignorant on some topics.
One good thing, I always was a quick study. Not a
bad-looking woman.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We are very proud of her. She was the first—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>hastily</i>].
We will have her history some other time.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>who understands</i>, <i>signs to her sister</i>]. Of
course. She’s tired. We are forgetting
everything. You will have some tea, won’t you,
dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, thanks.
We had tea in the train. [<i>With the more or less helpful
assistance of Vernon she divests herself of her outdoor
garments</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she
holds up her hands in astonishment</i>]. Tea in the
train!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We were not expecting you so soon.
You said in your telegram—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, it was raining
in London. We thought we would come straight on—leave
our shopping for another day.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I believe you were
glad it was raining. Saved you such a lot of money.
Old Stingy!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Then did you walk from the station, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Didn’t it
seem a long way? [<i>She laughs up into his
face</i>.] He was so bored. [<i>Vernon
laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I had better tell—[<i>She is going
towards the bell</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he stops
her</i>]. Oh, let them alone. Plenty of time for all
that fuss. [<i>He puts them both gently side by side on the
settee</i>.] Sit down and talk. Haven’t I been
clever? [<i>He puts his arm round Fanny</i>,
<i>laughing</i>.] You thought I had made an ass of myself,
didn’t you? Did you get all my letters?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I think so, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is sitting in an
easy-chair</i>. <i>Vernon seats himself on the
arm</i>]. Do you know I’ve never had a love-letter
from you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You gave me no
time. She met me a month ago, and married me last week.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It was quick
work. He came—he saw—I conquered!
[<i>Laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
They say that love at first sight is often the most lasting.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he puts his arm
around her</i>]. You are sure you will never regret having
given up the stage? The excitement, the—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The
excitement! Do you know what an actress’s life always
seemed to me like? Dancing on a tight-rope with everybody
throwing stones at you. One soon gets tired of that sort of
excitement. Oh, I was never in love with the stage.
Had to do something for a living.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. It must be a hard life for a woman.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Especially for anyone not brought up to it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, I had a
good voice and what I suppose you might call a natural talent for
acting. It seemed the easiest thing.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I suppose your family were very much
opposed to it? [<i>Vernon rises</i>. <i>He stands
with his back to the fire</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My family?
Hadn’t any!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
No family?</p>
<p><i>Bennet enters</i>. <i>Vernon and Fanny left the door
open</i>. <i>He halts</i>, <i>framed by the
doorway</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No. You see,
I was an only child. My father and mother both died before
I was fourteen.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. But your uncle?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, him! It
was to get away from him and all that crew that I went on the
stage.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It is so sad when relations don’t get on together.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Sadder still when
they think they’ve got a right to trample on you, just
because you happen to be an orphan and—I don’t want
to talk about my relations. I want to forget them. I
stood them for nearly six months. I don’t want to be
reminded of them. I want to forget that they ever
existed. I want to forget—</p>
<p><i>Bennet has come down very quietly</i>. <i>Fanny</i>,
<i>from where he stands</i>, <i>is the only one who sees
him</i>. <i>He stands looking at her</i>, <i>his
features</i>, <i>as ever</i>, <i>immovable</i>. <i>At sight
of him her eyes and mouth open wider and wider</i>. <i>The
words die away from her tongue</i>. <i>Vernon has turned
away to put a log on the fire</i>, <i>and so has not seen her
expression—only hears her sudden silence</i>. <i>He
looks up and sees Bennet</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Ah, Bennet!
[<i>He advances</i>, <i>holding out his hand</i>.] You
quite well?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>shaking hands with
him</i>]. Quite well.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good! And
all the family?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Nothing to
complain of. Charles has had a touch of influenza.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Ah, sorry to hear
that.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. And your
lordship?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Fit as a
fiddle—your new mistress.</p>
<p><i>Fanny has risen</i>. <i>Bennet turns to
her</i>. <i>For a moment his back is towards the other
three</i>. <i>Fanny alone sees his face</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. We shall endeavour
to do our duty to her ladyship. [<i>He turns to
Vernon</i>.] I had arranged for a more fitting
reception—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. To tell the honest
truth, Bennet, the very thing we were afraid of—why we
walked from the station, and slipped in by the side door.
[<i>Laughing</i>.] Has the luggage come?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It has just
arrived. It was about that I came to ask. I could not
understand—</p>
<p><i>The Misses Wetherell have also risen</i>.
<i>Fanny’s speechless amazement is attributed by them and
Vernon to natural astonishment at discovery of his rank</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. You will be wanting a quiet talk
together. We shall see you at dinner.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What time is
dinner?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Half past seven. [<i>To
Fanny</i>] But don’t you hurry, dear. I will
tell cook to delay it a little. [<i>She kisses
her</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You will want some time to arrange that pretty hair of
yours. [<i>She also kisses the passive</i>, <i>speechless
Fanny</i>. <i>They go out hand in hand</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I will see, while
I am here, that your lordship’s room is in order.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why, where’s
Robert, then?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. He has gone into
town to do some shopping. We did not expect your lordship
much before nine. There may be one or two things to see
to. [<i>He goes into his lordship’s apartments</i>,
<i>closing the door behind him</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Vernon, where am
I?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. At home, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, but where?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. At Bantock Hall,
Rutlandshire. [<i>Fanny sits down on the settee—drops
down rather</i>.] You’re not angry with me? You
know how the world always talks in these cases. I wanted to
be able to prove to them all that you married me for
myself. Not because I was Lord Bantock. Can you
forgive me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she still seems in a
dream</i>]. Yes—of course. You
didn’t—you wouldn’t—[<i>She suddenly
springs up</i>.] Vernon, you do love me? [<i>She
flings her arms round his neck</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Dear!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You will never be
ashamed of me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Dearest!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I was only a
music-hall singer. There’s no getting over it, you
know.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I should have
loved you had you been a beggar-maid.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she still clings to
him</i>]. With an uncle a costermonger, and an aunt who
sold matches. It wouldn’t have made any difference to
you, would it? You didn’t marry me for my family, did
you? You didn’t, did you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Darling! I
married you because you are the most fascinating, the most
lovable, the most wonderful little woman in the world.
[<i>Fanny gives a sob</i>.] As for your
family—I’ve got a confession to make to you,
dear. I made inquiries about your family before I proposed
to you. Not for my own sake—because I knew I’d
have to answer a lot of stupid questions. It seemed to me
quite a good family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It is! Oh, it
is! There never was such a respectable family.
That’s why I never could get on with them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing</i>].
Well, you haven’t got to—any more. We
needn’t even let them know—</p>
<p><i>Bennet returns</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Robert I find has
returned. It is ten minutes to seven.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Thanks.
Well, I shall be glad of a bath. [<i>He turns to
Fanny</i>.] Bennet will send your maid to you. [<i>He
whispers to her</i>.] You’ll soon get used to it
all. As for the confounded family—we will forget all
about them. [<i>Fanny answers with another little stifled
sob</i>. <i>Bennet is drawing the curtains</i>, <i>his back
to the room</i>. <i>Vernon</i>, <i>seeing that Bennet is
occupied</i>, <i>kisses the unresponsive Fanny and goes
out</i>.]</p>
<p><i>At the sound of the closing of the door</i>, <i>Fanny looks
up</i>. <i>She goes to the door through which Vernon has
just passed</i>, <i>listens a moment</i>, <i>then
returns</i>. <i>Bennet calmly finishes the drawing of the
curtains</i>. <i>Then he</i>, <i>too</i>, <i>crosses slowly
till he and Fanny are facing one another across the centre of the
room</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Well, what are you
going to do?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My duty!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What’s
that? Something unpleasant, I know. I can bet my
bottom dollar.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. That, my girl,
will depend upon you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How upon me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Whether you prove
an easy or a difficult subject. To fit you for your
position, a certain amount of training will, I fancy, be
necessary.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Training!
I’m to be—[<i>She draws herself up</i>.] Are
you aware who I am?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Oh yes.
<i>And</i> who you were. His lordship, I take it, would
hardly relish the discovery that he had married his
butler’s niece. He might consider the situation
awkward.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And who’s
going to train me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am. With
the assistance of your aunt and such other members of your family
as I consider can be trusted.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>for a moment she is
speechless</i>, <i>then she bursts out</i>]. That ends
it! I shall tell him! I shall tell him this very
moment. [<i>She sweeps towards the door</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. At this moment you
will most likely find his lordship in his bath.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I don’t
care! Do you think—do you think for a moment that
I’m going to allow myself—I, Lady Bantock, to
be—[<i>Her hand upon the door</i>.] I shall tell him,
and you’ll only have yourself to blame. He loves
me. He loves me for myself. I shall tell him the
whole truth, and ask him to give you all the sack.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You’re not
forgetting that you’ve already told him <i>once</i> who you
were?</p>
<p>[<i>It stops her</i>. <i>What she really did was to
leave the marriage arrangements in the hands of her business
manager</i>, <i>George P. Newte</i>. <i>As agent for a
music-hall star</i>, <i>he is ideal</i>, <i>but it is possible
that in answering Lord Bantock’s inquiries concerning
Fanny’s antecedents he may not have kept strictly to the
truth</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I never did.
I’ve never told him anything about my family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Curious. I
was given to understand it was rather a classy affair.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I can’t help
what other people may have done. Because some silly idiot
of a man may possibly—[<i>She will try a new
tack</i>. <i>She leaves the door and comes to
him</i>.] Uncle, dear, wouldn’t it be simpler for you
all to go away? He’s awfully fond of me.
He’ll do anything I ask him. I could merely say that
I didn’t like you and get him to pension you off. You
and aunt could have a little roadside inn somewhere—with
ivy.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Seeing that
together with the stables and the garden there are twenty-three
of us—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, of course, he
couldn’t pension you all. You couldn’t
expect—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think his
lordship might prefer to leave things as they are. Good
servants nowadays are not so easily replaced. And neither
your aunt nor I are at an age when change appeals to one.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, it’s
almost bound to creep out sooner or later, and then—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. We will make it as
late as possible [<i>He crosses and rings the bell</i>], giving
you time to prove to his lordship that you are not incapable of
learning.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she drops back on the
settee</i>. <i>She is half-crying</i>.] Some people
would be pleased that their niece had married well.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am old-fashioned
enough to think also of my duty to those I serve. If his
lordship has done me the honour to marry my niece, the least I
can is to see to it that she brings no discredit to his
name. [<i>Mrs. Bennet</i>, <i>followed by Jane Bennet</i>,
<i>a severe-looking woman of middle age</i>, <i>has entered upon
the words</i> “<i>the least I can do</i>.”
<i>Bennet stays them a moment with his hand while he
finishes</i>. <i>Then he turns to his wife</i>.] You
will be interested to find, Susannah, that the new Lady Bantock
is not a stranger.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Not a
stranger! [<i>She has reached a position from where she
sees the girl</i>.] Fanny! You wicked girl!
Where have you been all these years?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>
[<i>interposing</i>]. There will be other opportunities for
the discussion of family differences. Just now, her
ladyship is waiting to dress for dinner.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>
[<i>sneering</i>]. Her ladyship!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>also
sneering</i>]. I think she might have forewarned us of the
honour in store for us.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Yes, why
didn’t she write?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Because I
didn’t know. Do you think—[<i>she
rises</i>]—that if I had I would ever have married
him—to be brought back here and put in this ridiculous
position? Do you think that I am so fond of you all that I
couldn’t keep away from you, at any price?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. But you must
have known that Lord Bantock—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I didn’t know
he was Lord Bantock. I only knew him as Mr. Wetherell, an
artist. He wanted to feel sure that I was marrying him for
himself alone. He never told me—[<i>Ernest
Bennet</i>, <i>a very young footman</i>, <i>has entered in answer
to Bennet’s ring of a minute ago</i>. <i>He has come
forward step by step</i>, <i>staring all the while open-mouthed
at Fanny</i>. <i>Turning</i>, <i>she sees him beside
her</i>.] Hulloa, Ernie. How are the rabbits?
[<i>She kisses him</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Don’t stand
there gaping. I rang for some wood. Tell your brother
dinner will be at a quarter to eight.</p>
<p><i>Ernest</i>, <i>never speaking</i>, <i>still staring at
Fanny</i>, <i>gets clumsily out again</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Well, I suppose
I’d better see about dressing? Do I dine with his
lordship or in the servants’ hall?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>turns to her
husband</i>]. You see! Still the old
impertinence.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Only wanted to
know. My only desire is to give satisfaction.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he moves towards the
door</i>]. You will do it by treating the matter more
seriously. At dinner, by keeping your eye upon me, you will
be able to tell whether you are behaving yourself or not.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. And mind you
are punctual. I have appointed Jane to be your maid.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Jane!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>in
arms</i>]. Have you any objections?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, oh no, so long
as you’re all satisfied.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Remember, you
are no longer on the music-hall stage. In dressing for
Bantock Hall you will do well to follow her advice.</p>
<p><i>Bennet</i>, <i>who has been waiting with the door in his
hand</i>, <i>goes out</i>; <i>Mrs. Bennet follows</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>in the tones of a
patient executioner</i>]. Are you ready?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Quite ready,
dear. Of course—I don’t know what you will
think of them—but I’ve only brought modern costumes
with me.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>not a lady who
understands satire</i>]. We must do the best we can.
[<i>She marches out—into the dressing-room</i>.]</p>
<p><i>Fanny</i>, <i>after following a few steps</i>, <i>stops and
thinks</i>. <i>Ernest has entered with the wood</i>.
<i>He is piling it in the basket by the fire</i>. <i>His
entrance decides her</i>. <i>She glances through the open
door of the dressing-room</i>, <i>then flies across to the
desk</i>, <i>seats herself</i>, <i>and begins feverishly to write
a telegram</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Ernie! [<i>He
comes across to her</i>.] Have you still got your
bicycle?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Could you get this
telegram off for me before eight o’clock? I
don’t want it sent from the village; I want you to take it
<i>yourself</i>—into the town. There’s a
sovereign for you if you do it all right.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. I’ll do
it. Can only get into a row.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Pretty used to
them, ain’t you? [<i>She has risen</i>. <i>She
gives him the telegram</i>. <i>She has stamped
it</i>.] Can you read it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. “George P.
Newte.”</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Hush!</p>
<p><i>They both glance at the open door</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>he continues in a
lower voice</i>]. “72<span class="GutSmall">A</span>,
Waterloo Bridge Road, London. Must see you at once.
Am at the new shop.” [<i>He looks up</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s all
right.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. “Come
down. Q.T. Fanny.”</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>nods</i>]. Get
off quietly. I’ll see you again—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE VOICE OF JANE</span> [<i>from the
dressing-room</i>]. Are you going to keep me waiting all
night?</p>
<p>[<i>They start</i>. <i>Ernest hastily thrusts the
telegram into his breast-pocket</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Coming, dear,
coming. [<i>To Ernest</i>] Not a word to
anyone! [<i>She hurries him out and closes door behind
him</i>.] Merely been putting the room a bit tidy.
[<i>She is flying round collecting her outdoor
garments</i>.] Thought it would please you. So sorry
if I’ve kept you waiting. [<i>Jane has appeared at
door</i>.] After you, dear.</p>
<p><i>Jane goes out again</i>. <i>Fanny</i>, <i>with her
pile of luggage</i>, <i>follows</i>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center">[<span
class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p>
<h2><i>ACT II</i></h2>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p>
<p><i>The same</i>.</p>
<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>The next morning</i>.</p>
<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle enters</i>,
<i>shown in by Bennet</i>, <i>who follows him</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>talking as he
enters</i>]. Wonderful! Wonderful! I
don’t really think I ever remember so fine a spring.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is making up the
fire</i>]. I’m afraid we shall have to pay for it
later on.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I expect
so. Law of the universe, you know, Bennet—law of the
universe. Everything in this world has got to be paid
for.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Except
trouble. [<i>The doctor laughs</i>.] The Times?
[<i>He hands it to him</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Thanks. Thanks. [<i>Seats himself</i>.]
Won’t be long—his lordship, will he?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I don’t
think so. I told him you would be here about eleven.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Um—what do you think of her?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Of—of her
ladyship?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
What’s she like?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. [<i>They have sunk
their voices</i>.] Well, it might have been worse.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah!
There’s always that consolation, isn’t there?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think her
ladyship—with <i>management</i>—may turn out very
satisfactory.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. You like
her?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. At present, I must
say for her, she appears willing to be taught.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And you
think it will last?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think her
ladyship appreciates the peculiarity of her position. I
will tell the Miss Wetherells you are here.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah,
thanks!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I fancy her
ladyship will not herself be visible much before lunch
time. I understand she woke this morning with a
headache. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><i>The Doctor reads a moment</i>. <i>Then the door of
the dressing-room opens</i>, <i>and Fanny enters</i>.
<i>Her dress is a wonderful contrast to her costume of last
evening</i>. <i>It might be that of a poor and demure
nursery governess</i>. <i>Her hair is dressed in
keeping</i>. <i>She hardly seems the same woman</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>seeing the Doctor</i>,
<i>she pauses</i>]. Oh!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>rises</i>]. I beg pardon, have I the pleasure of seeing
Lady Bantock?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Delighted. May I introduce myself—Dr.
Freemantle? I helped your husband into the world.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.
I’ve heard of you. You don’t mind my closing
this door, do you? [<i>Her very voice and manner are
changed</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>a little
puzzled</i>]. Not at all.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she closes the door
and returns</i>]. Won’t—won’t you be
seated?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Thanks. [<i>They both sit</i>.] How’s the
headache?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, it’s
better.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah!
[<i>A silence</i>.] Forgive me—I’m an old
friend of the family. You’re not a bit what I
expected.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But you like
it? I mean you think this—[<i>with a
gesture</i>]—is all right?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. My dear
young lady, it’s charming. You couldn’t be
anything else.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I merely
meant that—well, I was not expecting anything so
delightfully demure.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s the
idea—“seemly.” The Lady Bantocks have
always been “seemly”? [<i>She puts it as a
question</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>more and more
puzzled</i>]. Yes—oh, yes. They have always
been—[<i>His eye catches that of Constance</i>, <i>first
Lady Bantock</i>, <i>looking down at him from above the
chimney-piece</i>. <i>His tone changes</i>.] Well,
yes, in their way, you know.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, I’m
in the difficult position of following her <i>late</i>
ladyship. <i>She</i> appears to have been exceptionally
“seemly.” This is her frock. I mean it
<i>was</i> her frock.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. God bless
my soul! You are not dressing yourself up in her late
ladyship’s clothes? The dear good woman has been dead
and buried these twenty years.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks at her
dress</i>]. Yes, it struck me as being about that
period.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he goes
across to her</i>]. What’s the trouble? Too
much Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks
up</i>. <i>There is a suspicion of a smile</i>]. One
might say—sufficient?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>laughs</i>]. Excellent servants. If they’d
only remember it. [<i>He glances round—sinks his
voice</i>.] Take my advice. Put your foot
down—before it’s too late.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Sit down,
please. [<i>She makes room for him on the
settee</i>.] Because I’m going to be
confidential. You don’t mind, do you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>seating
himself</i>]. My dear, I take it as the greatest compliment
I have had paid to me for years.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You put everything
so nicely. I’m two persons. I’m an
angel—perhaps that is too strong a word?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>doubtfully</i>]. Well—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. We’ll say
saint. Or else I’m—the other thing.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Do you
know, I think you could be.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s not a
question about which there is any doubt.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Of course,
in this case, a <i>little</i> bit of the devil—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she shakes her
head</i>]. There’s such a lot of mine. It has
always hampered me, never being able to hit the happy medium.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It
<i>is</i> awkward.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I thought I would
go on being an angel—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Saint.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>.
Saint—till—well, till it became physically impossible
to be a saint any longer.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And
then?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she rises</i>,
<i>turns to him with a gesture of half-comic</i>, <i>half-tragic
despair</i>]. Well, then I can’t help it, can I?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I think
you’re making a mistake. An explosion will
undoubtedly have to take place. That being so, the sooner
it takes place the better. [<i>He rises</i>.] What
are you afraid of?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she changes her
tone—the talk becomes serious</i>]. You’ve
known Vernon all his life?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. No one
better.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Tell me.
I’ve known him only as a lover. What sort of a man is
he?</p>
<p><i>A pause</i>. <i>They are looking straight into each
other’s eyes</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. A man it
pays to be perfectly frank with.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s a very
old family, isn’t it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Old!
Good Lord no! First Lord Bantock was only Vernon’s
great-grandfather. That is the woman that did it all.
[<i>He is looking at the Hoppner</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How do you
mean?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Got them
their title. Made the name of Bantock of importance in the
history of the Georges. Clever woman.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>leaning over a
chair</i>, <i>she is staring into the eyes of the first Lady
Bantock</i>]. I wonder what she would have done if she had
ever got herself into a really first-class muddle?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. One
thing’s certain. [<i>Fanny turns to him</i>.]
She’d have got out of it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>addresses the
portrait</i>]. I do wish you could talk.</p>
<p><i>Vernon bursts into the room</i>. <i>He has been
riding</i>. <i>He throws aside his hat and stick</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Hulloa! This
is good of you. [<i>He shakes hands with the
Doctor</i>.] How are you? [<i>Without waiting for any
reply</i>, <i>he goes to Fanny</i>, <i>kisses her</i>.]
Good morning, dear. How have you been getting on together,
you two? Has she been talking to you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh,
yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Doesn’t she
talk well? I say, what have you been doing to yourself?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Jane thought this
style—[<i>with a gesture</i>]—more appropriate to
Lady Bantock.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Um! Wonder
if she’s right? [<i>To the Doctor</i>] What do
you think?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I think it
a question solely for Lady Bantock.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Of course it
is. [<i>To Fanny</i>] You know, you mustn’t let
them dictate to you. Dear, good, faithful souls, all of
them. But they must understand that you are mistress.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she seizes eagerly at
the chance</i>]. You might mention it to them, dear.
It would come so much better from you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. No, you.
They will take more notice of you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’d so much
rather you did it. [<i>To Dr. Freemantle</i>]
Don’t you think it would come better from him?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>laughs</i>]. I’m afraid you’ll have to do
it yourself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You see, dear, it
might hurt them, coming from me. It would seem like
ingratitude. Mrs. Bennet—Why, it wasn’t till I
began to ask questions that I grasped the fact that she
<i>wasn’t</i> my real mother. As for old Bennet, ever
since my father died—well, I hardly know how I could have
got on without him. It was Charles Bennet that taught me to
ride; I learned my letters sitting on Jane’s lap.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Perhaps
I had better do it myself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I’m sure it
will be more effective. Of course I shall support you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.
Oh, by the by, dear, I shan’t be able to go with you
to-day.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why not?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’ve rather a
headache.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, I’m so
sorry. Oh, all right, we’ll stop at home.
I’m not so very keen about it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, I want you to
go, dear. Your aunts are looking forward to it. I
shall get over it all the sooner with everybody out of the
way.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well, if you
really wish it.</p>
<p><i>The Misses Wetherell steal in</i>. <i>They are
dressed for driving</i>. <i>They exchange greetings with
the Doctor</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You know you
promised to obey. [<i>Tickles his nose with a
flower</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing—to the
Doctor</i>]. You see what it is to be married?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>laughs</i>]. Very trying.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>turning to his
aunts</i>]. Fanny isn’t coming with us.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>to Fanny</i>]. Oh, my dear!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s only a
headache. [<i>She takes her aside</i>.] I’m
rather glad of it. I want an excuse for a little time to
myself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I understand, dear. It’s all
been so sudden. [<i>She kisses her—then to the
room</i>] She’ll be all the better alone. We
three will go on. [<i>She nods and signs to her
sister</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>kissing the Elder Miss
Wetherell</i>]. Don’t you get betting.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Oh no, dear, we never do. It’s just to see the dear
horses. [<i>She joins her sister</i>. <i>They
whisper</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>to the Doctor to whom
he has been talking</i>]. Can we give you a lift?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Well, you
might as far as the Vicarage. Good-bye, Lady Bantock.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>shaking
hands</i>]. Good-bye, Doctor.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Sure you
won’t be lonely?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>].
Think I can’t exist an hour without you? Mr.
Conceited!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs and kisses
her</i>]. Come along. [<i>He takes the Doctor and his
younger Aunt towards the door</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>who
is following last</i>]. I like you in that frock.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. So
glad. It’s Ernest who attends to the fires,
isn’t it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Yes, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I wish you’d
send him up. [<i>At door—calls after them</i>]
Hope you’ll all enjoy yourselves!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>from the
distance</i>]. I shall put you on a fiver.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Mind it wins.
[<i>She listens a moment—closes door</i>, <i>comes back to
desk</i>, <i>and takes a Bradshaw</i>.]
Five-six-three—five-six-three. [<i>Finds
page</i>.] St. Pancras, eight o’clock. Oh,
Lord! Stamford, 10.45. Leave
Stamford—[<i>Ernest has entered</i>.] Is that you,
Ernest?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Shut the
door. Sure it went off last night, that telegram?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. If he doesn’t
catch that eight o’clock, he can’t get here till
nearly four. That will be awkward. [<i>To
Ernest</i>] What time is it now?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>looks at
clock</i>]. Twenty past eleven.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. If he does,
he’ll be here about twelve—I believe I’ll go
and meet him. Could I get out without being seen?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. You’ll have
to pass the lodge.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Who’s at the
lodge now?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Mother.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Damn!</p>
<p><i>Bennet has entered unnoticed and drawn near</i>.
<i>At this point from behind</i>, <i>he boxes Ernest’s
ears</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Here, steady!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. On the occasions
when your cousin forgets her position, you will remember it and
remind her of it. Get out! [<i>Ernest</i>,
<i>clumsily as ever</i>, “<i>gets out</i>.”] A
sort of person has called who, according to his own account,
“happened to be passing this way,” and would like to
see you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>who has been trying to
hide the Bradshaw—with affected surprise</i>.] To see
me!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>drily</i>].
Yes. I thought you would be surprised. He claims to
be an old friend of yours—Mr. George Newte.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still keeping it
up</i>]. George Newte! Of course—ah, yes.
Do you mind showing him up?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I thought I would
let you know he had arrived, in case you might be getting anxious
about him. I propose giving him a glass of beer and sending
him away again.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>flares up</i>].
Look here, uncle, you and I have got to understand one
another. I may put up with being bullied myself—if I
can’t see any help for it—but I’m not going to
stand my friends being insulted. You show Mr. Newte up
here.</p>
<p><i>A silence</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I shall deem it my
duty to inform his lordship of Mr. Newte’s visit.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. There will be no
need to. Mr. Newte, if his arrangements permit, will be
staying to dinner.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. That, we shall see
about. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>following him to
door</i>]. And tell them I shall want the best bedroom got
ready in case Mr. Newte is able to stay the night.
I’ve done it. [<i>She goes to piano</i>, <i>dashes
into the</i> “<i>Merry Widow Waltz</i>,” <i>or some
other equally inappropriate but well-known melody</i>, <i>and
then there enters Newte</i>, <i>shown in by Bennet</i>.
<i>Newte is a cheerful person</i>, <i>attractively dressed in
clothes suggestive of a successful bookmaker</i>. <i>He
carries a white pot hat and tasselled cane</i>. <i>His
gloves are large and bright</i>. <i>He is smoking an
enormous cigar</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Mr. Newte.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she springs up and
greets him</i>. <i>They are evidently good
friends</i>]. Hulloa, George!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Hulloa, Fan—I
beg your pardon, Lady Bantock. [<i>Laughs</i>.] Was
just passing this way—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>cutting him
short</i>]. Yes. So nice of you to call.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I said to
myself—[<i>His eye catches Bennet</i>; <i>he
stops</i>.] Ah, thanks. [<i>He gives Bennet his hat
and stick</i>, <i>but Bennet does not seem satisfied</i>.
<i>He has taken from the table a small china tray</i>.
<i>This he is holding out to Newte</i>, <i>evidently for Newte to
put something in it</i>. <i>But what</i>? <i>Newte is
puzzled</i>, <i>he glances at Fanny</i>. <i>The idea
strikes him that perhaps it is a tip Bennet is waiting
for</i>. <i>It seems odd</i>, <i>but if it be the
custom—he puts his hand to his trousers pocket</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. The smoking-room
is on the ground-floor.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Ah, my cigar.
I beg your pardon. I couldn’t understand.
[<i>He puts it on the tray—breaks into a laugh</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Thank you.
Her ladyship is suffering from a headache. If I might
suggest—a little less boisterousness. [<i>He goes
out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he watches him
out</i>]. I say, your Lord Chamberlain’s a bit of a
freezer!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Wants
hanging out in the sun. How did you manage to get here so
early? [<i>She sits</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, your telegram
rather upset me. I thought—correct etiquette for me
to sit down here, do you think?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Don’t ask
me. Got enough new tricks of my own to learn.
[<i>Laughs</i>.] Should chance it, if I were you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Such a long time
since I was at Court. [<i>He sits</i>.] Yes, I was up
at five o’clock this morning.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. Oh,
you poor fellow!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Caught the first
train to Melton, and came on by cart. What’s the
trouble?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. A good deal.
Why didn’t you tell me what I was marrying?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I did. I told
you that he was a gentleman; that he—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why didn’t
you tell me that he was Lord Bantock? You knew,
didn’t you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>begins to see worries
ahead</i>]. Can’t object to my putting a cigar in my
mouth if I don’t light it—can he?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, light
it—anything you like that will help you to get along.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>bites the end off the
cigar and puts it between his teeth</i>. <i>This helps
him</i>]. No, I didn’t know—not officially.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What do you
mean—“not officially”?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. He never told
me.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He never told you
<i>anything</i>—for the matter of that. I understood
you had found out everything for yourself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Yes; and one of the
things I found out was that he didn’t <i>want</i> you to
know. I could see his little game. Wanted to play the
Lord Burleigh fake. Well, what was the harm?
Didn’t make any difference to you!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Didn’t make
any difference to me! [<i>Jumps up</i>.] Do you know
what I’ve done? Married into a family that keeps
twenty-three servants, every blessed one of whom is a near
relation of my own. [<i>He sits paralysed</i>. <i>She
goes on</i>.] That bald-headed old owl—[<i>with a
wave towards the door</i>]—that wanted to send you off with
a glass of beer and a flea in your ear—that’s my
uncle. The woman that opened the lodge gate for you is my
Aunt Amelia. The carroty-headed young man that answered the
door to you is my cousin Simeon. He always used to insist
on kissing me. I’m expecting him to begin
again. My “lady’s” maid is my cousin
Jane. That’s why I’m dressed like this!
My own clothes have been packed off to the local dressmaker to be
made “decent.” Meanwhile, they’ve dug up
the family vault to find something for me to go on with.
[<i>He has been fumbling in all his pockets for
matches</i>. <i>She snatches a box from somewhere and
flings it to him</i>.] For Heaven’s sake light
it! Then, perhaps, you’ll be able to do something
else than stare. I have claret and
water—mixed—with my dinner. Uncle pours it out
for me. They’ve locked up my cigarettes. Aunt
Susannah is coming in to-morrow morning to hear me say my
prayers. Doesn’t trust me by myself. Thinks
I’ll skip them. She’s the housekeeper
here. I’ve got to know them by heart before I go to
bed to-night, and now I’ve mislaid them. [<i>She goes
to the desk—hunts for them</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>having lighted his
eternal cigar</i>, <i>he can begin to think</i>]. But why
should <i>they</i>—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still at
desk</i>]. Because they’re that sort. They
honestly think they are doing the right and proper
thing—that Providence has put it into their hands to turn
me out a passable substitute for all a Lady Bantock should be;
which, so far as I can understand, is something between the late
lamented Queen Victoria and Goody-Two-Shoes. They are the
people that I ran away from, the people I’ve told you
about, the people I’ve always said I’d rather starve
than ever go back to. And here I am, plumped down in the
midst of them again—for life! [<i>Honoria Bennet</i>,
<i>the</i> “<i>still-room</i>” <i>maid</i>, <i>has
entered</i>. <i>She is a pert young minx of about
Fanny’s own age</i>.] What is is? What is
it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Merely passing
through. Sorry to have excited your ladyship.
[<i>Goes into dressing-room</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My cousin
Honoria. They’ve sent her up to keep an eye upon
me. Little cat! [<i>She takes her handkerchief</i>,
<i>drapes it over the keyhole of the dressing-room door</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>at sight of Honoria he
has jumped up and hastily hidden his cigar behind him</i>].
What are you going to do?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she seats herself and
suggests to him the writing-chair</i>]. Hear from
you—first of all—exactly what you told Vernon.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>sitting</i>].
About you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>nods</i>]. About
me—and my family.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>.
Well—couldn’t tell him much, of course.
Wasn’t much to tell.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I want what you did
tell.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I told him that
your late father was a musician.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Had been
unfortunate. Didn’t go into particulars.
Didn’t seem to be any need for it. That your mother
had died when you were still only a girl and that you had gone to
live with relatives. [<i>He looks for approval</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. That you
hadn’t got on well with them—artistic temperament,
all that sort of thing—that, in consequence, you had
appealed to your father’s old theatrical friends; and that
they—that they, having regard to your talent—and
beauty—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Had decided that
the best thing you could do was to go upon the stage.
[<i>He finishes</i>, <i>tolerably well pleased with
himself</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s all
right. Very good indeed. What else?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>after an uncomfortable
pause</i>]. Well, that’s about all I knew.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, but what did
you <i>tell</i> him?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, of course, I
had to tell him something. A man doesn’t marry
without knowing just a little about his wife’s
connections. Wouldn’t be reasonable to expect
him. You’d never told me anything—never would;
except that you’d liked to have boiled the lot. What
was I to do? [<i>He is playing with a quill pen he has
picked up</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she takes it from
him</i>]. What <i>did</i> you do?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>with fine
frankness</i>]. I did the best I could for you, old girl,
and he was very nice about it. Said it was better than
he’d expected, and that I’d made him very
happy—very happy indeed.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she leans across</i>,
<i>puts her hand on his</i>]. You’re a dear, good
fellow, George—always have been. I wouldn’t
plague you only it is absolutely necessary I should
know—exactly what you did tell him.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>a little
sulkily</i>]. I told him that your uncle was a bishop.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>sits
back—staring at him</i>]. A what?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. A bishop.
Bishop of Waiapu, New Zealand.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why New
Zealand?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Why not? Had
to be somewhere. Didn’t want him Archbishop of
Canterbury, did you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Did he believe
it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Shouldn’t
have told him had there been any fear that he wouldn’t.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I see. Any
other swell relations of mine knocking about?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. One—a judge
of the Supreme Court in Ohio. Same name, anyhow,
O’Gorman. Thought I’d make him a cousin of
yours. I’ve always remembered him. Met him when
I was over there in ninety-eight—damn him!</p>
<p><i>A silence</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she rises</i>].
Well, nothing else for it! Got to tell him it was all a
pack of lies. Not blaming you, old boy—my
fault. Didn’t know he was going to ask any questions,
or I’d have told him myself. Bit of bad luck,
that’s all.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Why must you tell
him? Only upset him.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s either
my telling him or leaving it for them to do. You know me,
George. How long do you see me being bossed and bullied by
my own servants? Besides, it’s bound to come out in
any case.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he rises</i>.
<i>Kindly but firmly he puts her back into her chair</i>.
<i>Then pacing to and fro with his hands mostly in his trousers
pockets</i>, <i>he talks</i>]. Now, you listen to me, old
girl. I’ve been your business manager ever since you
started in. I’ve never made a mistake
before—[<i>he turns and faces her</i>]—and I
haven’t made one this time.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I don’t
really see the smartness, George, stuffing him up with a lot of
lies he can find out for himself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. <i>If he wants
to</i>. A couple of telegrams, one to His Grace the Bishop
of Waiapu, the other to Judge Denis O’Gorman, Columbus,
Ohio, would have brought him back the information that neither
gentlemen had ever heard of you. <i>If he hadn’t been
careful not to send them</i>. He wasn’t marrying you
with the idea of strengthening his family connections. He
was marrying you because he was just gone on you.
Couldn’t help himself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. In that case, you
might just as well have told him the truth.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. <i>Which he would
then have had to pass on to everyone entitled to ask
questions</i>. Can’t you understand? Somebody,
in the interest of everybody, had to tell a lie. Well,
what’s a business manager for?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But I can’t
do it, George. You don’t know them. The longer
I give in to them the worse they’ll get.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Can’t you
square them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, that’s
the trouble. They <i>are</i> honest. They’re
the “faithful retainers” out of a melodrama.
They are working eighteen hours a day on me not for any advantage
to themselves, but because they think it their “duty”
to the family. They don’t seem to have any use for
themselves at all.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, what about
the boy? Can’t <i>he</i> talk to them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Vernon!
They’ve brought him up from a baby—spanked him all
round, I expect. Might as well ask a boy to talk to his old
schoolmaster. Besides, if he did talk, then it would all
come out. As I tell you, it’s bound to come
out—and the sooner the better.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. It must <i>not</i>
come out! It’s too late. If we had told him at
the beginning that he was proposing to marry into his own
butler’s family—well, it’s an awkward
situation—he might have decided to risk it. Or he
might have cried off.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And a good job if
he had.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Now talk
sense. You wanted him—you took a fancy to him from
the beginning. He’s a nice boy, and there’s
something owing to him. [<i>It is his trump card</i>,
<i>and he knows it</i>.] Don’t forget that.
He’s been busy, explaining to all his friends and relations
why they should receive you with open arms: really nice girl,
born gentlewoman, good old Church of England family—no
objection possible. For you to spring the truth upon him
<i>now</i>—well, it doesn’t seem to me quite fair to
<i>him</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Then am I to live
all my life dressed as a charity girl?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. You keep your head
and things will gradually right themselves. This family of
yours—they’ve got <i>some</i> sense, I suppose?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Never noticed any
sign of it myself.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Maybe you’re
not a judge. [<i>Laughs</i>.] They’ll listen to
reason. You let <i>me</i> have a talk to them, one of these
days; see if I can’t show them—first one and then the
other—the advantage of leaving to “better”
themselves—<i>with the help of a little ready
money</i>. Later on—choosing your proper
time—you can break it to him that you have discovered
they’re distant connections of yours, a younger branch of
the family that you’d forgotten. Give the show time
to settle down into a run. Then you can begin to make
changes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’ve a
wonderful way with you, George. It always sounds right as
you put it—even when one jolly well knows that it
isn’t.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, it’s
always been right for you, old girl, ain’t it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.
You’ve been a rattling good friend. [<i>She takes his
hands</i>.] Almost wish I’d married you
instead. We’d have been more suited to one
another.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>shakes his
head</i>]. Nothing like having your fancy.
You’d never have been happy without him. [<i>He
releases her</i>.] ’Twas a good engagement, or
I’d never have sanctioned it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I suppose it will
be the last one you will ever get me. [<i>She has dropped
for a moment into a brown study</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he turns</i>]. I
hope so.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she throws off her
momentary mood with a laugh</i>]. Poor fellow! You
never even got your commission.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I’ll take ten
per cent. of all your happiness, old girl. So make it as
much as you can for my benefit. Good-bye. [<i>He
holds out hand</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’re not
going? You’ll stop to lunch?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Not to-day.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Do. If you
don’t, they’ll think it’s because I was
frightened to ask you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. All the
better. The more the other party thinks he’s having
his way, the easier always to get your own. Your trouble
is, you know, that you never had any tact.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I hate tact.
[<i>Newte laughs</i>.] We could have had such a jolly
little lunch together. I’m all alone till the
evening. There were ever so many things I wanted to talk to
you about.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. What?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Ah, how can one
talk to a man with his watch in his hand? [<i>He puts it
away and stands waiting</i>, <i>but she is cross</i>.] I
think you’re very disagreeable.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I must really get
back to town. I oughtn’t to be away now, only your
telegram—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I know.
I’m an ungrateful little beast! [<i>She crosses and
rings bell</i>.] You’ll have a glass of champagne
before you go?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, I won’t
say no to that.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How are all the
girls?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Oh, chirpy.
I’m bringing them over to London. We open at the
Palace next week.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What did they think
of my marriage? Gerty was a bit jealous, wasn’t
she?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, would have
been, if she’d known who he was. [<i>Laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Tell her.
Tell her [<i>she draws herself up</i>] I’m Lady Bantock, of
Bantock Hall, Rutlandshire. It will make her so mad.
[<i>Laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. I
will.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Give them all my
love. [<i>Ernest appears in answer to her bell</i>.]
Oh, Ernest, tell Bennet—[<i>the eyes and mouth of Ernest
open</i>]—to see that Mr. Newte has some refreshment before
he leaves. A glass of champagne and—and some
caviare. Don’t forget. [<i>Ernest goes
out</i>.] Good-bye. You’ll come again?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Whenever you want
me—and remember—the watchword is
“Tact”!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, I’ve got
the <i>word</i> all right. [<i>Laughs</i>.]
Don’t forget to give my love to the girls.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I
won’t. So long! [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><i>Fanny closes the door</i>. <i>Honoria has re-entered
from the dressing-room</i>. <i>She looks from the
handkerchief still hanging over the keyhole to Fanny</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Your
ladyship’s handkerchief?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Such a
draught through that keyhole.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>takes the
handkerchief</i>, <i>hands it to Fanny</i>]. I will tell
the housekeeper.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks. Maybe
you will also mention it to the butler. Possibly also to
the—[<i>She suddenly changes</i>.] Honoria.
Suppose it had been you—you know, you’re awfully
pretty—who had married Lord Bantock, and he had brought you
back here, among them all—uncle, aunt, all the lot of
them—what would you have done?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>she draws herself
up</i>]. I should have made it quite plain from the first,
that I was mistress, and that they were my servants.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You would, you
think—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>checking her
outburst</i>]. But then, dear—you will excuse my
speaking plainly—there is a slight difference between the
two cases. [<i>She seats herself on the settee</i>.
<i>Fanny is standing near the desk</i>.] You see, what we
all feel about you, dear, is—that you are—well,
hardly a fit wife for his lordship. [<i>Fanny’s hands
are itching to box the girl’s ears</i>. <i>To save
herself</i>, <i>she grinds out through her teeth the word</i>
“<i>Tack</i>!”] Of course, dear, it isn’t
altogether your fault.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Your
mother’s marriage was most unfortunate.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her efforts to
suppress her feelings are just—but only
just—successful</i>.] Need we discuss that?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Well, he was an
Irishman, dear, there’s no denying it. [<i>Fanny
takes a cushion from a chair—with her back to Honoria</i>,
<i>she strangles it</i>. <i>Jane has entered and is
listening</i>.] Still, perhaps it is a painful
subject. And we hope—all of us—that, with time
and patience, we may succeed in eradicating the natural results
of your bringing-up.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span>. Some families,
finding themselves in our position, would seek to turn it to
their own advantage. <i>We</i> think only of your good.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, that’s
what I feel—that you are worrying yourselves too much about
me. You’re too conscientious, all of you. You,
in particular, Jane, because you know you’re not
strong. <i>You’ll</i> end up with a nervous
breakdown. [<i>Mrs. Bennet has entered</i>.
<i>Honoria slips out</i>. <i>Fanny turns to her
aunt</i>.] I was just saying how anxious I’m getting
about Jane. I don’t like the look of her at
all. What she wants is a holiday. Don’t you
agree with me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. There will be
no holiday, I fear, for any of us, for many a long day.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But you must.
You must think more of yourselves, you know.
<i>You’re</i> not looking well, aunt, at all. What
you both want is a month—at the seaside.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your object
is too painfully apparent for the subject to need
discussion. True solicitude for us would express itself
better in greater watchfulness upon your own behaviour.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why, what have I
done?</p>
<p><i>Bennet enters</i>, <i>followed</i>, <i>unwillingly</i>,
<i>by Ernest</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your uncle
will explain.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Shut that
door. [<i>Ernest does so</i>. <i>They group round
Bennet—Ernest a little behind</i>. <i>Fanny remains
near the desk</i>.] Sit down. [<i>Fanny</i>,
<i>bewildered</i>, <i>speechless</i>, <i>sits</i>.] Carry
your mind back, please, to the moment when, with the Bradshaw in
front of you, you were considering, with the help of your cousin
Ernest, the possibility of your slipping out unobserved, to meet
and commune with a person you had surreptitiously summoned to
visit you during your husband’s absence.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. While I think of
it, did he have anything to eat before he went? I told
Ernest to—ask you to see that he had a glass of champagne
and a—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>waves her back into
silence</i>]. Mr. Newte was given refreshment suitable to
his station. [<i>She goes to interrupt</i>. <i>Again
he waves her back</i>.] We are speaking of more important
matters. Your cousin reminded you that you would have to
pass the lodge, occupied by your Aunt Amelia. I state the
case correctly?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Beautifully!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I said nothing at
the time, doubting the evidence of my own ears. The boy,
however—where is the boy?—[<i>Ernest is pushed
forward</i>]—has admitted—reluctantly—that he
also heard it. [<i>A pause</i>. <i>The solemnity
deepens</i>.] You made use of an expression—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, cut it
short. I said “damn.” [<i>A shudder
passes</i>.] I’m sorry to have frightened you, but if
you knew a little more of really good society, you would know
that ladies—quite slap-up ladies—when they’re
excited, do—.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>interrupting
with almost a scream</i>]. She defends it!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You will allow
<i>me</i> to be the judge of what a <i>lady</i> says, even when
she is excited. As for this man, Newte—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The best friend you
ever had. [<i>She is</i> “<i>up</i>”
<i>again</i>.] You thank your stars, all of you, and tell
the others, too, the whole blessed twenty-three of you—you
thank your stars that I did “surreptitiously” beg and
pray him to run down by the first train and have a talk with me;
and that Providence was kind enough to <i>you</i> to enable him
to come. It’s a very different tune you’d have
been singing at this moment—all of you—if he
hadn’t. I can tell you that.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. And pray,
what tune <i>should</i> we have been singing if Providence
hadn’t been so thoughtful of us?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is about to
answer</i>, <i>then checks herself</i>, <i>and sits
again</i>]. You take care you don’t find out.
There’s time yet.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. We had better
leave her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Threats, my good
girl, will not help you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>with a
laugh</i>]. She’s in too tight a corner for that.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. A contrite heart
is what your aunt and I desire to see. [<i>He takes from
his pocket a small book</i>, <i>places it open on the
desk</i>.] I have marked one or two passages, on pages
93–7. We will discuss them together—later in
the day.</p>
<p><i>They troop out in silence</i>, <i>the key turns in the
lock</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>takes up the
book—turns to the cover</i>, <i>reads</i>].
“The Sinner’s Manual.” [<i>She turns to
page</i> 93.]</p>
<p style="text-align: center">[<span
class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p>
<h2><i>ACT III</i></h2>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p>
<p><i>The same</i>.</p>
<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>A few days later</i>.</p>
<p><i>A table is laid for tea</i>. <i>Ernest enters with
the tea-urn</i>. <i>He leaves the door open</i>; <i>through
it comes the sound of an harmonium</i>, <i>accompanying the
singing of a hymn</i>. <i>Fanny comes from her
dressing-room</i>. <i>She is dressed more cheerfully than
when we last saw her</i>, <i>but still</i>
“<i>seemly</i>.” <i>She has a book in her
hand</i>. <i>She pauses</i>, <i>hearing the music</i>,
<i>goes nearer to the open door</i>, <i>and listens</i>; <i>then
crosses and takes her place at the table</i>. <i>The music
ceases</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Another prayer
meeting? [<i>Ernest nods</i>.] I do keep ’em
busy.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. D’ye know
what they call you downstairs?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. The family
cross.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m afraid
it’s about right.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. What have you been
doing <i>this</i> time? Swearing again?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Worse.
I’ve been lying. [<i>Ernest gives vent to a low
whistle</i>.] Said I didn’t know what had become of
that yellow poplin with the black lace flounces, that
they’ve had altered for me. Found out that I’d
given it to old Mother Potts for the rummage sale at the
Vicarage. Jane was down there. Bought it in for half
a crown.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. You are
risky. Why, you might have known—</p>
<p><i>Vernon comes in</i>. <i>He is in golfing
get-up</i>. <i>He throws his cap on to the settee</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Hello, got a cup
of tea there?</p>
<p><i>Ernest goes out</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Thought
you were playing golf?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Just had a
telegram handed to me in the village—from your friend
Newte. Wants me to meet him at Melton Station at five
o’clock. [<i>Looks at his watch</i>.] Know what
he wants?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Haven’t the
faintest idea. [<i>She hands him his cup</i>.] Is he
coming <i>here</i>? Or merely on his way somewhere?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I don’t
know; he doesn’t say.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Don’t let him
mix you up in any of his “ventures.” Dear old
George, he’s as honest as the day, but if he gets hold of
an “idea” there’s always thousands in it for
everybody.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I’ll be
careful. [<i>Ernest has left the door open</i>.
<i>The harmonium breaks forth again</i>, <i>together with vocal
accompaniment as before</i>.] What’s on downstairs,
then—a party?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Bennet is holding a
prayer meeting.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. A prayer
meeting?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One of the younger
members of the family has been detected “telling a
deliberate lie.” [<i>Vernon is near the door
listening</i>, <i>with his back towards her</i>, <i>or he would
see that she is smiling</i>.] Black sheep, I suppose, to be
found in every flock. [<i>Music ceases</i>, <i>Ernest
having arrived with the news of his lordship’s
return</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>returning to the
table</i>, <i>having closed the door</i>]. Good old man,
you know, Bennet. All of them! So
high-principled! Don’t often get servants like that,
nowadays.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Seems almost
selfish, keeping the whole collection to ourselves.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>].
’Pon my word it does. But what can we do?
They’ll never leave us—not one of them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, I don’t
believe they ever will.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Do you know, I
sometimes think that you don’t like them. [<i>Fanny
makes a movement</i>.] Of course, they are a bit bossy, I
admit. But all that comes from their devotion,
their—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The wonder to me is
that, brought up among them, admiring them as you do, you never
thought of marrying one of them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>staggered</i>.]
Marrying them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I didn’t say
“them.” I said “<i>one</i> of
them.” There’s Honoria. She’s
pretty enough, anyhow. So’s Alice, Charles
Bennet’s daughter, and Bertha and Grace—all of them
beautiful. And what’s even better
still—good. [<i>She says it viciously</i>.]
Didn’t you ever think of them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well
[<i>laughs</i>]—well, one hardly marries into one’s
own kitchen.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Isn’t that
rather snobbish? You say they’re more like friends
than servants. They’ve lived with your people, side
by side, for three generations, doing their duty,
honourably. There’s never been a slur upon their
name. They’re “high-principled.”
You know it. They’ve better manners than nine-tenths
of your smart society, and they’re healthy.
What’s wrong with them—even from a lord’s point
of view?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>recovering
himself</i>]. Well, don’t pitch into me about
it. It’s your fault if I didn’t marry
them—I mean one of them. [<i>He laughs</i>, <i>puts
his empty cup back on the table</i>.] Maybe I’d have
thought about it—if I hadn’t met you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>takes his hand in
hers</i>]. I wish you hadn’t asked Newte any
questions about me. It would have been so nice to feel that
you had married me—just because you couldn’t help
it—just because I was I and nothing else mattered.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Let’s forget
I ever did. [<i>He kneels beside her</i>.] I
didn’t do it for my own sake, as you know. A
<i>man</i> in my position has to think of other people. His
wife has to take her place in society. People insist upon
knowing something about her. It’s not enough for the
stupid “County” that she’s the cleverest, most
bewilderingly beautiful, bewitching lady in the land.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And how long will
you think all that?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. For ever, and
ever, and ever.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, you dear
boy. [<i>She kisses him</i>.] You don’t know
how a woman loves the man she loves to love her.
[<i>Laughs</i>.] Isn’t that complicated?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Not at all.
We’re just the same. We love to love the woman we
love.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Provided the
“County” will let us. And the County has said:
A man may not marry his butler’s niece.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing</i>].
You’ve got butlers on the brain. If ever I do run
away with my own cook or under-housemaid, it will be your
doing.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You haven’t
the pluck! The “County” would laugh at
you. You men are so frightened of being laughed at.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he rises</i>].
Well, if it saves us from making asses of ourselves—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Wasn’t there
a niece of old Bennet’s, a girl who had been brought up
abroad, and who <i>wasn’t</i> a domestic
servant—never had been—who stayed with them here, at
the gardener’s cottage, for a short time, some few years
ago?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You mean poor Rose
Bennet’s daughter—the one who ran away and married an
organ-grinder.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. An
organ-grinder?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Something of that
sort—yes. They had her over; did all they
could. A crazy sort of girl; used to sing French ballads on
the village green to all the farm labourers she could
collect. Shortened poor Bennet’s life by about ten
years. [<i>Laughs</i>.] But why? Not going to
bully me for not having fallen in love with her, are you?
Because that really <i>wasn’t</i> my fault. I never
even saw her. ’Twas the winter we spent in
Rome. She bolted before we got back. Never gave me a
chance.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I accept the
excuse. [<i>Laughs</i>.] No, I was merely wondering
what the “County” would have done if by any chance
you had married <i>her</i>. Couldn’t have said you
were marrying into your own kitchen in her case, because she was
never <i>in</i> your kitchen—absolutely refused to enter
it, I’m told.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. It
would have been a “nice point,” as they say in legal
circles. If people had liked her, they’d have tried
to forget that her cousins had ever been scullery-maids. If
not, they’d have taken good care that nobody did.</p>
<p><i>Bennet enters</i>. <i>He brings some cut flowers</i>,
<i>with the</i> “<i>placing</i>” <i>of which he
occupies himself</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I did not know
your lordship had returned.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Found a telegram
waiting for me in the village. What’s become of that
niece of yours, Bennet—your sister Rose’s daughter,
who was here for a short time and ran away again? Ever hear
anything about her?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>very quietly he
turns</i>, <i>lets his eyes for a moment meet
Fanny’s</i>. <i>Then answers as he crosses to the
windows</i>]. The last I heard about her was that she was
married.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>.
Satisfactorily?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Looking at it from
her point of view—most satisfactorily.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>].
But looking at it from his—more doubtful?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. She was not
without her attractions. Her chief faults, I am inclined to
think, were those arising from want of discipline in youth.
I have hopes that it is not even yet too late to root out from
her nature the weeds of indiscretion.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. And you think he
is the man to do it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Perhaps not.
But fortunately there are those about her fully alive to the duty
devolving upon them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Um. Sounds a
little bit like penal servitude for the poor girl, the way you
put it, Bennet.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Even penal
servitude may be a blessing, if it serves to correct a stubborn
spirit.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We’ll have
to make you a J.P., Bennet. Must be jolly careful I
don’t ever get tried before you.
[<i>Laughs</i>.] Is that the cart?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he looks out through
the window</i>]. Yes, your lordship.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he takes up his
cap</i>]. I may be bringing someone back with me.
[<i>To Fanny</i>, <i>who throughout has remained
seated</i>.] Why not put on your hat—come with
me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she jumps up</i>,
<i>delighted</i>]. Shall I?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Your ladyship is
not forgetting that to-day is Wednesday?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What’s the
odds. There’s nobody to call. Everybody is
still in town.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It has always been
the custom of the Lady Bantocks, when in residence, to be at home
on Wednesdays.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Perhaps better
not. It may cause talk; if, by chance, anybody does
come. I was forgetting it was Wednesday. [<i>Fanny
sits again</i>.] I shan’t do anything without
consulting you. Good-bye.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good-bye.</p>
<p><i>Vernon goes out</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You think it wise,
discussing with his lordship the secret history of the Bennet
family?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What do you mean by
telling him my father was an organ-grinder? If the British
public knew the difference between music and a hurdy-gurdy, he
would have kept a butler of his own.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am not aware of
having mentioned to his lordship that you ever to my knowledge
even had a father. It is not my plan—for the present
at all events—to inform his lordship anything about your
family. Take care I am not forced to.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Because my father,
a composer who had his work performed at the Lamoureux
Concerts—as I can prove, because I’ve got the
programme—had the misfortune to marry into a family of
lackeys—I’m not talking about my mother: she was
never really one of you. <i>She</i> had the soul of an
artist.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>white with suppressed
fury</i>; <i>he is in front of her</i>; <i>his very look is
enough to silence her</i>]. Now you listen to me, my girl,
once and for all. I told you the night of your arrival that
whether this business was going to prove a pleasant or an
unpleasant one depended upon you. You make it an easy
one—for your own sake. With one word I can bring your
house of cards about your ears. I’ve only to tell him
the truth for him to know you as a cheat and liar. [<i>She
goes to speak</i>; <i>again he silences her</i>.] You
listen to me. You’ve seen fit to use strong language;
now I’m using strong language. This <i>boy</i>, who
has married you in a moment of impulse, what does <i>he</i> know
about the sort of wife a man in his position needs? What do
<i>you</i>? made to sing for your living on the Paris
boulevards—whose only acquaintance with the upper classes
has been at shady restaurants.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He didn’t
<i>want</i> a woman of his own class. He told me so.
It was because I wasn’t a colourless, conventional puppet
with a book of etiquette in place of a soul that he was first
drawn towards me.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Yes. At
twenty-two, boys like unconventionality. Men don’t:
they’ve learnt its true name, vulgarity. Do you think
I’ve stood behind English society for forty years without
learning anything about it! What you call a colourless
puppet is what <i>we</i> call an English lady. And that
you’ve got to learn to be. You talk of
“lackeys.” If your mother, my poor sister Rose,
came from a family of “lackeys” there would be no
hope for you. With her blood in your veins the thing can be
done. We Bennets—[<i>he draws himself
up</i>]—we serve. We are not lackeys.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. All right.
Don’t you call my father an organ-grinder, and I
won’t call you lackeys. Unfortunately that
doesn’t end the trouble.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. The trouble can
easily be ended.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. By my
submitting to be ruled in all things for the remainder of my life
by my own servants.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Say
“relations,” and it need not sound so unpleasant.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, it
would. It would sound worse. One can get rid of
one’s servants. [<i>She has crossed towards the
desk</i>. <i>Her cheque-book lies there half hidden under
other papers</i>. <i>It catches her eye</i>. <i>Her
hand steals unconsciously towards it</i>. <i>She taps it
idly with her fingers</i>. <i>It is all the work of a
moment</i>. <i>Nothing comes of it</i>. <i>Just the
idea passes through her brain—not for the first
time</i>. <i>She does nothing noticeable—merely
stands listless while one might count half a dozen—then
turns to him again</i>.] Don’t you think you’re
going it a bit too strong, all of you? I’m not a
fool. I’ve got a lot to learn, I know.
I’d be grateful for help. What you’re trying to
do is to turn me into a new woman entirely.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Because that is
the only <i>way</i> to help you. Men do not put new wine
into old bottles.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, don’t
begin quoting Scripture. I want to discuss the thing
sensibly. Don’t you see it can’t be done?
I can’t be anybody else than myself. I don’t
want to.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My girl,
you’ve <i>got</i> to be. Root and branch, inside and
outside, before you’re fit to be Lady Bantock, mother of
the Lord Bantocks that are to be, you’ve got to be a
changed woman.</p>
<p><i>A pause</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And it’s
going to be your job, from beginning to end—yours and the
rest of you. What I wear and how I look is Jane’s
affair. My prayers will be for what Aunt Susannah thinks I
stand in need of. What I eat and drink and say and do
<i>you</i> will arrange for me. And when you die, Cousin
Simeon, I suppose, will take your place. And when Aunt
Susannah dies, it will merely be a change to Aunt Amelia.
And if Jane ever dies, Honoria will have the dressing and the
lecturing of me. And so on and so on, world without end,
for ever and ever, Amen.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Before that time,
you will, I shall hope, have learnt sufficient sense to be
grateful to us. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she turns—walks
slowly back towards the tea-table</i>. <i>Halfway she
pauses</i>, <i>and leaning over the back of a chair regards in
silence for a while the portrait of the first Lady
Bantock</i>]. I do wish I could tell what you were
saying.</p>
<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell come
in</i>. <i>They wear the same frocks that they wore in the
first act</i>. <i>They pause</i>. <i>Fanny is still
gazing at the portrait</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Don’t you notice it, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Yes. There really is.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It struck me the first day. [<i>To Fanny</i>, <i>who has
turned</i>] Your likeness, dear, to Lady Constance.
It’s really quite remarkable.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You think so?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. It’s your expression—when you
are serious.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. I
must try to be more serious.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It will come, dear.</p>
<p><i>They take their places side by side on the settee</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>to her sister</i>, <i>with a pat of the hand</i>]. In
good time. It’s so nice to have her young. I
wonder if anybody’ll come this afternoon.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>to
Fanny</i>]. You see, dear, most of the county people are
still in town.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>who is pouring out
tea</i>]. I’m not grumbling.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Oh, you’ll like them, dear. The Cracklethorpes
especially. [<i>To her sister for confirmation</i>]
Bella Cracklethorpe is so clever.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And the Engells. She’ll like
the Engells. All the Engell girls are so pretty.
[<i>Fanny brings over two cups of tea</i>.] Thank you,
dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>as
she takes her cup—patting Fanny’s hand</i>].
And they’ll like you, dear, <i>all</i> of them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>returning to
table</i>]. I hope so.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It’s wonderful, dear—you won’t mind my saying
it?—how you’ve improved.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Of course it was such a change for
you. And at first [<i>turns to her sister</i>] we were a
little anxious about her, weren’t we?</p>
<p><i>Fanny has returned to them with the cake-basket</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>as
she takes a piece</i>]. Bennet [<i>she lingers on the name
as that of an authority</i>] was saying only yesterday that he
had great hopes of you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>Fanny is handing the basket to her</i>]. Thank you,
dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I told Vernon. He was <i>so</i> pleased.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. <i>Vernon</i>
was?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
He attaches so much importance to Bennet’s opinion.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Um. I’m
glad I appear to be giving satisfaction. [<i>She has
returned to her seat at the table</i>.] I suppose when you
go to town, you take the Bennets with you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>surprised at the question</i>]. Of course, dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Vernon didn’t wish to go this
year. He thought you would prefer—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I was merely
thinking of when he did. Do you ever go abroad for the
winter? So many people do, nowadays.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We tried it once. But there was nothing for dear Vernon to
do. You see, he’s so fond of hunting.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>to her sister</i>]. And then there will be his
Parliamentary duties that he will have to take up now.</p>
<p><i>Fanny rises</i>, <i>abruptly</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You’re not ill, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No. Merely
felt I wanted some air. You don’t mind, do you?
[<i>She flings a casement open</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Not at all, dear. [<i>To her
sister</i>] It <i>is</i> a bit close.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
One could really do without fires.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. If it wasn’t for the evenings.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
And then, of course, the cold weather might come again. One
can never feel safe until—</p>
<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle enters</i>,
<i>announced by Bennet</i>. <i>The old ladies go to
rise</i>. <i>He stops them</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Don’t get up. [<i>He shakes hands with
them</i>.] How are we this afternoon? [<i>He shakes
his head and clicks his tongue</i>.] Really, I think I
shall have to bring an action for damages against Lady
Bantock. Ever since she—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Hush! [<i>She points to the window</i>.] Fanny.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Here’s Doctor Freemantle.</p>
<p><i>Fanny comes from the window</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he meets her
and takes her hand</i>]. Was just saying, I really think I
shall have to claim damages against you, Lady Bantock.
You’ve practically deprived me of two of my best paying
patients. Used to be sending for me every other day before
you came. Now look at them! [<i>The two ladies
laugh</i>.] She’s not as bad as we expected.
[<i>He pats her hand</i>.] Do you remember my description
of what I thought she was going to be like?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. She’s a dear girl.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Bennet—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she has crossed to
table—is pouring out the Doctor’s tea</i>]. Oh,
mightn’t we have a holiday from Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>laughs</i>]. Seems to be having a holiday himself
to-day.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. A holiday?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Didn’t you know? Oh, there’s an awfully swagger
party on downstairs. They were all trooping in as I
came.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. I’d no idea he was giving a
party. [<i>To Fanny</i>] Did you, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she hands the Doctor
his tea</i>]. Yes. It’s a prayer meeting.
The whole family, I expect, has been summoned.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. A prayer
meeting! Didn’t look like it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
But why should he be holding a prayer meeting?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, one of the
family—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And why
twelve girls in a van?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. In a van?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. One of
Hutton’s from the Station Hotel—with a big poster
pinned on the door: “Our Empire.”</p>
<p><i>Fanny has risen</i>. <i>She crosses and rings the
bell</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. What’s the matter, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m not quite
sure yet. [<i>Her whole manner is changed</i>. <i>A
look has come into her eyes that has not been there
before</i>. <i>She speaks in quiet</i>, <i>determined
tones</i>. <i>She rings again</i>. <i>Then returning
to table</i>, <i>hands the cake-basket to the Doctor</i>.]
Won’t you take one, Doctor? They’re not as
indigestible as they look. [<i>Laughs</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he also is
bewildered at the changed atmosphere</i>]. Thank you.
I hope I—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she turns to
Ernest</i>, <i>who has entered</i>. <i>Her tone</i>, <i>for
the first time</i>, <i>is that of a mistress speaking to her
servants</i>]. Have any visitors called for me this
afternoon?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>.
Vi-visitors—?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Some ladies.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>he is in a slough of
doubt and terror</i>]. L—ladies?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Please
try to understand the English language. Has a party of
ladies called here this afternoon?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. There have been
some ladies. They—we—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Where are they?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>.
They—I—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Send Bennet up to
me. Instantly, please.</p>
<p><i>Ernest</i>, <i>only too glad to be off</i>, <i>stumbles
out</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. My dear—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’ll take
some more tea, won’t you? Do you mind, Doctor,
passing Miss Wetherell’s cup? And the other
one. Thank you. And will you pass them the
biscuits? You see, I am doing all I can on your
behalf. [<i>She is talking and laughing—a little
hysterically—for the purpose of filling time</i>.]
Tea and hot cake—could anything be worse for them?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Well, tea,
you know—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I know.
[<i>Laughs</i>.] You doctors are all alike. You all
denounce it, but you all drink it. [<i>She hands him the
two cups</i>.] That one is for Aunt Wetherell of the
beautiful hair; and the other is for Aunt Wetherell of the
beautiful eyes. [<i>Laughs</i>.] It’s the only
way I can distinguish them.</p>
<p><i>Bennet enters</i>.</p>
<p>Oh, Bennet!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You sent for
me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. I
understand some ladies have called.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think your
ladyship must have been misinformed. I most certainly have
seen none.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I have to assume,
Bennet, that either Dr. Freemantle or you are telling lies.</p>
<p><i>A silence</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. A party of
over-dressed young women, claiming to be acquainted with your
ladyship, have arrived in a van. I am giving them tea in
the servants’ hall, and will see to it that they are sent
back to the station in ample time to catch their train back to
town.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Please show them
up. They will have their tea here.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>her very quietness is
beginning to alarm him</i>. <i>It shakes him from his
customary perfection of manners</i>]. The Lady Bantocks do
not as a rule receive circus girls in their boudoir.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still with her
alarming quietness</i>]. Neither do they argue with their
servants. Please show these ladies in.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I warn
you—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You heard my
orders. [<i>Her tone has the right ring</i>. <i>The
force of habit is too strong upon him</i>. <i>He
yields—savagely—and goes out</i>. <i>She turns
to the Doctor</i>.] So sorry I had to drag you into
it. I didn’t see how else I was going to floor
him.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Splendid! [<i>He grips her hand</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she goes to the old
ladies who sit bewildered terrified</i>.] They won’t
be here for more than a few minutes—they can’t
be. I want you to be nice to them—both of you.
They are friends of mine. [<i>She turns to the
Doctor</i>.] They’re the girls I used to act
with. We went all over Europe—twelve of
us—representing the British Empire. They are playing
in London now.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
To-night? [<i>He looks at his watch</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is busy at the
tea-table</i>]. Yes. They are on the stage at half
past nine. You might look out their train for them.
[<i>She points to the Bradshaw on the desk</i>.] I
don’t suppose they’ve ever thought about how
they’re going to get back. It’s Judy’s
inspiration, this, the whole thing; I’d bet upon it.
[<i>With a laugh</i>.] She always was as mad as a March
hare.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>busy with the
Bradshaw</i>]. They were nice-looking girls.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. I think
we did the old man credit. [<i>With a laugh</i>.]
John Bull’s daughters, they called us in Paris.</p>
<p><i>Bennet appears in doorway</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>announces</i>].
“Our Empire.”</p>
<p><i>Headed by</i> “<i>England</i>,” <i>the twelve
girls</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>crowding</i>, <i>jostling one
another</i>, <i>talking all together</i>, <i>swoop in</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>a lady with a
decided Cockney accent</i>]. Oh, my dear, talk about an
afternoon! We ’ave ’ad a treat getting
’ere.</p>
<p><i>Fanny kisses her</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">SCOTLAND</span> [<i>they also
kiss</i>]. Your boss told us you’d gone out.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It was a
slight—misunderstanding. Bennet, take away these
things, please. And let me have half a dozen bottles of
champagne.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">STRAITS SETTLEMENTS</span> [<i>a small
girl at the back of the crowd—with a shrill
voice</i>]. Hooray!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is controlling
himself with the supremest difficulty</i>. <i>Within he is
a furnace</i>]. I’m afraid I have mislaid the key of
the cellar.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks at
him</i>]. You will please find it—quickly.
[<i>Bennet</i>, <i>again from habit</i>, <i>yields</i>.
<i>But his control almost fails him</i>. <i>He takes up the
tray of unneeded tea-things from the table</i>.] I shall
want some more of all these [<i>cakes</i>, <i>fruit</i>,
<i>sandwiches</i>, <i>etc.</i>]. And some people to
wait. Tell Jane she must come and help.</p>
<p><i>Bennet goes out</i>. <i>During this passage of arms
between mistress and man a momentary lull has taken place in the
hubbub</i>. <i>As he goes out</i>, <i>it begins to grow
again</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. ’E does
tease yer, don’t ’e? Wanted us to ’ave
tea in the kitchen.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. These
old family servants—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">AFRICA</span> [<i>she prides herself on
being</i> “<i>quite the lady</i>”]. Don’t
talk about ’em, dear. We had just such another.
[<i>She turns to a girl near her</i>.] Oh, they’ll
run the whole show for you if you let ’em.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. It was
Judy’s idea, our giving you this little treat.
Don’t you blime me for it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>a small</i>,
<i>sprightly girl with a childish</i>, <i>laughing
voice</i>]. Well, we were all together with nothing better
to do. They’d called a rehearsal and then found they
didn’t want us—silly fools. I told ’em
you’d just be tickled to death.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughing—kisses
her</i>]. So I am. It was a brilliant idea.
[<i>By this time she has kissed or shaken hands with the whole
dozen</i>.] I can’t introduce you all singly; it
would take too long. [<i>She makes a wholesale affair of
it</i>.] My aunts, the Misses Wetherell—Dr.
Freemantle.</p>
<p><i>The Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>suggesting two mice being
introduced to a party of friendly kittens</i>, <i>standing</i>,
<i>clinging to one another</i>, <i>murmur something
inaudible</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>who is with
them to comfort them—he has got rid of the time-table</i>,
<i>discreetly—smiles</i>]. Delighted.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Charmed.
[<i>The others join in</i>, <i>turning it into a
chorus</i>. <i>To Fanny</i>] Glad we didn’t
strike one of your busy days. I say, you’re not as
dressy as you used to be. ’Ow are they doing
you?—all right?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Oh,
yes.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>
[“<i>Gerty</i>,” <i>a big</i>, <i>handsome girl</i>,
<i>with a loud</i>, <i>commanding voice</i>]. George gave
me your message.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>puzzled at
first</i>]. My message?
[<i>Remembering—laughs</i>.] Oh. That I was
Lady Bantock of Bantock Hall. Yes. I thought
you’d be pleased.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Was delighted,
dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. So glad.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. I’d always
had the idea that you were going to make a mess of your
marriage.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What a funny
idea! [<i>But the laugh that accompanies it is not a merry
one</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Wasn’t
it? So glad I was wrong.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span>. We’re all of
us looking out for lords in disguise, now. Can’t you
give us a tip, dear, how to tell ’em?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">SCOTLAND</span>. Sukey has broken
it off with her boy. Found he was mixed up in trade.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">STRAITS SETTLEMENTS</span> [<i>as
before</i>, <i>unseen at back of crowd</i>]. No. I
didn’t. ’Twas his moral character.</p>
<p><i>Then enter Honoria with glasses on a tray</i>; <i>Ernest
with champagne</i>; <i>Jane with eatables</i>; <i>Bennet with a
napkin</i>. <i>It is a grim procession</i>. <i>The
girls are scattered</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>talking</i>:
<i>Africa to the Misses Wetherell</i>; <i>a couple to Dr.
Freemantle</i>. <i>England</i>, <i>Scotland</i>,
<i>Wales</i>, <i>and Canada are with Fanny</i>. <i>The
hubbub</i>, <i>with the advent of the refreshments</i>,
<i>increases</i>. <i>There is a general movement towards
the refreshments</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks,
Bennet. You can clear away a corner of the desk.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>aside to
her</i>]. Go easy with it, dear. [<i>Fanny</i>,
<i>smiling</i>, <i>nods</i>. <i>She directs operations in a
low tone to the Bennets</i>, <i>who take her orders in grim
silence and with lips tight shut</i>.] Don’t forget,
girls, that we’ve got to get back to-night. [<i>Aside
to the Doctor</i>, <i>who has come forward to help</i>.]
Some of ’em, you know, ain’t used to it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>
[<i>nods</i>]. Glasses not <i>too</i> full. [<i>He
whispers to Fanny</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span> [<i>a decided young
woman</i>]. How much time have we got?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Don’t ask
me. It’s Judy’s show.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>mimicking
Newte</i>]. The return train, ladies, leaves Oakham
station. [<i>Stops—she is facing the clock</i>.
<i>She begins to laugh</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. What’s the
matter?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>still
laughing</i>]. We’ve got just quarter of an hour to
catch it.</p>
<p><i>There is a wild rush for the refreshments</i>.
<i>Jane is swept off her feet</i>. <i>Bennet’s tray
is upset</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>.
Quarter—! Oh, my Gawd! Here, tuck up your
skirts, girls. We’ll have to—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It’s
all right. You’ve got plenty of time, ladies.
There’s a train from Norton on the branch line at
5.33. Gets you into London at a quarter to nine.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. You’re
<i>sure</i>?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he has his
watch in his hand</i>]. Quite sure. The station is
only half a mile away.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Don’t
let’s miss it. Keep your watch in your ’and,
there’s a dear.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her business
is—and has been—to move quietly through the
throng</i>, <i>making the girls welcome</i>, <i>talking</i>,
<i>laughing with them</i>, <i>directing the servants—all in
a lady’s way</i>. <i>On the whole she does it
remarkably well</i>. <i>She is offering a plate of fruit to
Judy</i>]. You’re a nice acting manager, you
are. [<i>Judy laughs</i>. <i>Fanny finds herself in
front of Ireland</i>. <i>She turns to England</i>.]
Won’t you introduce us?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. I beg your
pardon, dear. Of course, you don’t know each
other. Miss Tetsworth, our new Ireland, Lady Bantock.
It is “Bantock,” isn’t it, dear?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Quite right.
It’s a good little part, isn’t it?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span>. Well, depends
upon what you’ve been used to.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. She’s got
talent, as I tell ’er. But she ain’t you,
dear. It’s no good saying she is.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>hastening to smooth it
over</i>]. People always speak so well of us after
we’re gone. [<i>Laughs</i>.] You’ll take
another glass of champagne.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span>. Thank
you—you made a great success, they tell me, in the
part.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, there’s a
deal of fluke about these things. You see, I had the
advantage—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>with watch
still in his hand</i>]. I <i>think</i>, ladies—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Come on,
girls.</p>
<p><i>A general movement</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You must all come
again—spend a whole day—some Sunday.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Remember me to
Vernon.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He’ll be so
sorry to have—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>cutting
in</i>]. ’Ope we ’aven’t upset you,
dear. [<i>She is bustling them all up</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Not at all.
[<i>She is kissing the girls</i>.] It’s been so good
to see you all again.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. ’Urry up,
girls, there’s dears. [<i>To Fanny</i>]
Good-bye, dear. [<i>Kissing her</i>.] We <i>do</i>
miss yer.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m glad you
do.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Oh, it
ain’t the same show. [<i>The others are crowding out
of the door</i>. <i>She and Fanny are quite
apart</i>.] No chance of your coming back to it, I
suppose? [<i>A moment</i>.] Well, there, you never
know, do yer? Good-bye, dear. [<i>Kisses her
again</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good-bye!
[<i>She stands watching them out</i>. <i>Bennet goes down
with them</i>. <i>Ernest is busy collecting
debris</i>. <i>Jane and Honoria stand one each side of the
table</i>, <i>rigid</i>, <i>with set faces</i>. <i>After a
moment Fanny goes to the open window</i>. <i>The voices of
the girls below</i>, <i>crowding into the van</i>, <i>come up
into the room</i>. <i>She calls down to them</i>.]
Good-bye. You’ve plenty of time. What?
Yes, of course. [<i>Laughs</i>.] All right.
Good-bye. [<i>She turns</i>, <i>comes slowly
back</i>. <i>She looks at Jane and Honoria</i>, <i>where
they stand rigid</i>. <i>Honoria makes a movement with her
shoulders—takes a step towards the door</i>.]
Honoria! [<i>Honoria stops—slowly turns</i>.]
You can take away these glasses. Jane will help you.</p>
<p><i>Bennet has reappeared</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. It’s not my
place—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Your place is to
obey my orders.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>his coolness seems to
have deserted him</i>. <i>His voice is
trembling</i>]. Obey her ladyship’s orders, both of
you. Leave the rest to me. [<i>Honoria and Jane busy
themselves</i>, <i>with Ernest setting the room to
rights</i>.] May I speak with your ladyship?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Certainly.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Alone, I mean.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I see no need.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>her firmness takes
him aback</i>. <i>He expected to find her defiance
disappear with the cause of it</i>. <i>But pig-headed</i>,
<i>as all Bennets</i>, <i>her opposition only drives him
on</i>]. Your ladyship is not forgetting the
alternative?</p>
<p><i>The Misses Wetherell have been watching the argument much
as the babes in the wood might have watched the discussion
between the two robbers</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>in
terror</i>]. Bennet! you’re not going to give
notice!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. What my duty may
be, I shall be able to decide after I have spoken with her
ladyship—alone.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Dear! You will see him?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I am sorry. I
have not the time.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. No. Of course. [<i>Appealing
to Bennet for mercy</i>] Her ladyship is tired.
To-morrow—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>
[<i>interrupting</i>]. Neither to-morrow—nor any
other day. [<i>Vernon enters</i>, <i>followed by
Newte</i>. <i>She advances to meet them</i>.]
You’ve just missed some old friends of yours. [<i>She
shakes hands with Newte</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. So it seems.
We were hoping to have been in time. [<i>To
Newte</i>] The mare came along pretty slick, didn’t
she?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he has remained with
his look fixed all the time on Fanny</i>]. May I speak with
your lordship a moment—in private?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Now?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is a matter
that needs to be settled now. [<i>It is the tone of
respectful authority he has always used towards the lad</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well, if
it’s as pressing as all that I suppose you must.
[<i>He makes a movement towards the door</i>. <i>To
Newte</i>] Shan’t be long.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One moment.
[<i>Vernon stops</i>.] I may be able to render the
interview needless. Who is mistress of this house?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Who is
mistress?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Who is mistress of
your house?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why, you are, of
course.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.
[<i>She turns to Bennet</i>] Please tell Mrs. Bennet I want
her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think if your
lordship—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. At once.
[<i>She is looking at him</i>. <i>He struggles—looks
at Vernon</i>. <i>But Vernon is evidently inclined to
support Fanny</i>. <i>Bennet goes out</i>. <i>She
crosses and seats herself at the desk</i>. <i>She takes
from a drawer some neatly folded papers</i>. <i>She busies
herself with figures</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he crosses to his
Aunts</i>]. Whatever’s the matter?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
She is excited. She has had a very trying time.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Bennet didn’t like the idea of her
receiving them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. It was that minx
Judy’s doing. They’ll have the rough side of my
tongue when I get back—all of them.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What does she want
with Mrs. Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
I can’t think.</p>
<p><i>The atmosphere is somewhat that of a sheepfold before a
thunderstorm</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell are still
clinging to one another</i>. <i>Vernon and Dr. Freemantle
are both watching Fanny</i>. <i>Jane</i>, <i>Honoria</i>,
<i>and Ernest are still busy about the room</i>.</p>
<p><i>Suddenly</i>, <i>to Newte—who is standing
apart—the whole thing comes with a rush</i>. <i>But
it is too late for him to interfere</i>.</p>
<p><i>Mrs. Bennet</i>, <i>followed by Bennet</i>, <i>are entering
the room</i>. <i>He shrugs his shoulders and turns
away</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your ladyship
sent for me?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. [<i>She
half turns—holds out a paper</i>.] This wages sheet
is quite correct, I take it? It is your own.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she takes
it</i>]. Quite correct.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she tears out a cheque
she has written—hands it to Mrs. Bennet</i>]. You
will find there two months’ wages for the entire
family. I have made it out in a lump sum payable to your
husband. The other month is in lieu of notice. [<i>A
silence</i>. <i>The thing strikes them all dumb</i>.
<i>She puts the cheque-book back and closes the drawer</i>.
<i>She rises</i>.] I’m sorry. There’s
been a misunderstanding. It’s time that it
ended. It has been my own fault. [<i>To
Vernon</i>] I deceived you about my family—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. If there’s
been any deceit—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My scene, please,
George. [<i>Newte</i>, <i>knowing her</i>, <i>returns to
silence</i>.] I have no relations outside this country that
I know of. My uncle is Martin Bennet, your butler.
Mrs. Bennet is my aunt. I’m not ashamed of
them. If they’d had as much respect for me as I have
for them, this trouble would not have arisen. We
don’t get on together, that’s all. And this
seems to me the only way out. As I said before, I’m
sorry.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>recovering
speech</i>]. But why did you—?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her control gives
way</i>. <i>She breaks out</i>]. Oh, because
I’ve been a fool. It’s the explanation of most
people’s muddles, I expect, if they only knew it.
Don’t talk to me, anybody. I’ve got nothing
more to say. [<i>To Bennet</i>] I’m
sorry. You wouldn’t give me a chance. I’d
have met you half way. [<i>To Mrs. Bennet</i>]
I’m sorry. Don’t be too hard on me. It
won’t mean much trouble to you. Good servants
don’t go begging. You can depend upon me for a
character. [<i>To Jane</i>] You’ll do much
better for yourselves elsewhere. [<i>To Honoria</i>]
Don’t let that pretty face of yours ever get you into
trouble. [<i>To Ernest</i>] Good-bye, Ernest.
We were always pals, weren’t we? Good-bye.
[<i>She kisses him</i>. <i>It has all been the work of a
moment</i>. <i>She comes down again</i>.] Don’t
think me rude, but I’d like to be alone. We can talk
calmly about it all to-morrow morning. [<i>To the Misses
Wetherell</i>] I’m so awfully sorry. I wish I
could have seen any other way out. [<i>The tears are
streaming from her eyes</i>. <i>To Vernon</i>] Take
them all away, won’t you, dear? We’ll talk
about it all to-morrow. I’ll feel gooder.
[<i>She kisses him</i>. <i>To Dr. Freemantle</i>]
Take them all away. Tell him it wasn’t all my
fault. [<i>To Newte</i>] You’ll have to stop
the night. There are no more trains. I’ll see
you in the morning. Good night.</p>
<p><i>Bennet has collected his troop</i>. <i>Leads them
away</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle</i>, <i>kindly and helpful</i>,
<i>takes off Vernon and the two ladies</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he grips her hand</i>,
<i>and speaks in his short</i>, <i>growling way</i>]. Good
night, old girl. [<i>He follows the others out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>crosses towards the
windows</i>. <i>Her chief business is dabbing her
eyes</i>. <i>The door closes with a click</i>. <i>She
turns</i>. <i>She puts her handkerchief away</i>.
<i>She looks at the portrait of Constance</i>, <i>first Lady
Bantock</i>]. I believe it’s what you’ve been
telling me to do, all the time.</p>
<p style="text-align: center">[<span
class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p>
<h2><i>ACT IV</i></h2>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p>
<p><i>The same</i>. <i>The blinds are down</i>.
<i>Ashes fill the grate</i>.</p>
<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>Early the next morning</i>.</p>
<p><i>The door opens softly</i>. <i>Newte steals
in</i>. <i>He fumbles his way across to the windows</i>,
<i>draws the blinds</i>. <i>The morning sun streams
in</i>. <i>He listens—no one seems to be
stirring</i>. <i>He goes out</i>, <i>returns immediately
with a butler’s tray</i>, <i>containing all things
necessary for a breakfast and the lighting of a fire</i>.
<i>He places the tray on table</i>, <i>throws his coat over a
chair</i>, <i>and is on his knees busy lighting the fire</i>,
<i>when enter the Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>clad in dressing-gowns
and caps</i>: <i>yet still they continue to look sweet</i>.
<i>They also creep in</i>, <i>hand in hand</i>. <i>The
crouching Newte is hidden by a hanging fire-screen</i>.
<i>They creep forward till the coat hanging over the chair
catches their eye</i>. <i>They are staring at it as
Robinson Crusoe might at the footprint</i>, <i>when Newte rises
suddenly and turns</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell give a
suppressed scream</i>, <i>and are preparing for flight</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he stays
them</i>]. No call to run away, ladies. When a
man’s travelled—as I have—across America, in a
sleeping-car, with a comic-opera troop, there’s not much
left for him to know. You want your breakfast! [<i>He
wheedles them to the table</i>.] We’ll be able to
talk cosily—before anybody else comes.</p>
<p><i>They yield themselves</i>. <i>He has a way with
him</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We haven’t slept all night.</p>
<p><i>Newte answers with a sympathetic gesture</i>. <i>He
is busy getting ready the breakfast</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. There’s something we want to tell
dear Vernon—before he says anything to Fanny.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
It’s something very important.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. We’ll have a
cup of tea first—to steady our nerves.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. It’s so important that we should
tell him before he sees Fanny.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. We’ll see to
it. [<i>He makes the tea</i>.] I fancy they’re
both asleep at present.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Poor boy!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. If she only hadn’t—</p>
<p><i>Dr. Freemantle has entered</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I thought
I heard somebody stirring—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Hush! [<i>He
indicates doors</i>, <i>the one leading to her ladyship’s
apartments</i>, <i>the other to his lordship’s</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>turning and greeting him</i>]. It was so kind of you
not to leave us last night.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We were so upset.</p>
<p><i>Dr. Freemantle pats their hands</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We hope you slept all right.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Excellently. Shall be glad of a shave, that’s
all. [<i>Laughs</i>. <i>Both he and Newte suggest the
want of one</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>who has been
officiating</i>]. Help yourself to milk and sugar.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>who has
seated himself</i>]. Have the Bennets gone?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, they had
their notice all right.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>they have begun to cry</i>]. It has been so wrong and
foolish of us. We have never learnt to do anything for
ourselves.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We don’t even know where our things are.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. They
can’t all have gone—the whole twenty-three of them,
at a couple of hours’ notice. [<i>To Newte</i>]
Haven’t seen any of them, have you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. No sign of any of
them downstairs.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh, they
must be still here. Not up, I suppose. It isn’t
seven o’clock yet.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. But they have all been discharged.
We can’t ask them to do anything.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>to
her sister</i>]. And the Grimstones are coming to lunch
with the new curate. Vernon asked them on Sunday.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. Perhaps there’s something cold.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Vernon so dislikes a cold lunch.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>to
Newte</i>]. Were you able to get hold of Vernon last
night?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Waited up till he
came in about two o’clock. Merely answered that he
wasn’t in a talkative mood—brushed past me and locked
himself in.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. He
wouldn’t say anything to me either. Rather a bad sign
when he won’t talk.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. What’s he
likely to do?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
Don’t know. Of course it will be all over the
county.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And dear Vernon is so sensitive.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It had to
come—the misfortune <i>is</i>—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. The misfortune
<i>is</i> that people won’t keep to their own line of
business. Why did he want to come fooling around her?
She was doing well for herself. She could have married a
man who would have thought more of her than all the damn fools in
the county put together. Why couldn’t he have left
her alone?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he is sitting
at the head of the table</i>, <i>between Newte on his right and
the Misses Wetherell on his left</i>. <i>He lays his hand
on Newte’s sleeve—with a smile</i>]. I’m
sure you can forgive a man—with eyes and ears in his
head—for having fallen in love with her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Then why
doesn’t he stand by her? What if her uncle is a
butler? If he wasn’t a fool, he’d be thanking
his stars that ’twas anything half as respectable.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I’m
not defending him—we’re not sure yet that he needs
any defence. He has married a clever, charming girl
of—as you say—a better family than he’d any
right to expect. The misfortune is, that—by a curious
bit of ill-luck—it happens to be his own butler.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. If she takes my
advice, she’ll return to the stage. No sense stopping
where you’re not wanted.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. But how can she?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
You see, they’re married!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>to change the
subject</i>]. You’ll take an egg?</p>
<p><i>Newte has been boiling some</i>. <i>He has just
served them</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>rejecting it</i>]. Thank you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We’re not feeling hungry.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
He was so fond of her.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. She was so pretty.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
And so thoughtful.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. One would never have known she was an
actress.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
If only she hadn’t—</p>
<p><i>Bennet has entered</i>. <i>Newte is at
fireplace</i>. <i>The old ladies have their backs to the
door</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle</i>, <i>who is pouring out
tea</i>, <i>is the first to see him</i>. <i>He puts down
the teapot</i>, <i>staring</i>. <i>The old ladies look
round</i>. <i>A silence</i>. <i>Newte
turns</i>. <i>Bennet is again the perfect butler</i>.
<i>Yesterday would seem to have been wiped out of his
memory</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Good morning, Miss
Wetherell. Good morning, Miss Edith. [<i>To the two
men</i>] Good morning. I was not aware that breakfast
was required to be any earlier than usual, or I should have had
it ready.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We are sure you would, Bennet. But
you see, under the circumstances, we—we hardly liked to
trouble you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he goes about the
room</i>, <i>putting things to rights</i>. <i>He has rung
the bell</i>. <i>Some dead flowers he packs on to
Newte’s tray</i>, <i>the water he pours into Newte’s
slop-basin</i>]. My duty, Miss Edith, I have never felt to
be a trouble to me.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
We know, Bennet. You have always been so
conscientious. But, of course, after what’s
happened—[<i>They are on the verge of tears again</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is piling up the
breakfast things</i>]. Keziah requested me to apologise to
you for not having heard your bell this morning. She will
be ready to wait upon you in a very few minutes. [<i>To the
Doctor</i>] You will find shaving materials, doctor, on
your dressing-table.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh, thank
you.</p>
<p><i>Ernest has entered</i>, <i>with some wood</i>; <i>he is
going towards the fire</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>to Ernest</i>].
Leave the fire for the present. Take away this tray.
[<i>Ernest takes up the tray</i>, <i>and goes out</i>.
<i>Bennet speaks over the heads of the Misses Wetherell to
Newte</i>] Breakfast will be ready in the morning-room, in
a quarter of an hour.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>at first puzzled</i>,
<i>then indignant</i>, <i>now breaks out</i>]. What’s
the little game on here—eh? Yesterday afternoon you
were given the sack—by your mistress, Lady Bantock, with a
month’s wages in lieu of notice—not an hour before
you deserved it. What do you mean, going on like this, as
if nothing had happened? Is Lady Bantock to be ignored in
this house as if she didn’t exist—or is she
not? [<i>He brings his fist down on the table</i>.
<i>He has been shouting rather than speaking</i>.] I want
this thing settled!</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Your bath, Mr.
Newte, is quite ready.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>as soon as he can
recover speech</i>]. Never you mind my bath, I
want—</p>
<p><i>Vernon has entered</i>. <i>He is pale</i>,
<i>heavy-eyed</i>, <i>short in his manner</i>,
<i>listless</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good
morning—everybody. Can I have some breakfast,
Bennet?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. In about ten
minutes; I will bring it up here. [<i>He collects the
kettle from the fire as he passes</i>, <i>and goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Thank you.
[<i>He responds mechanically to the kisses of his two aunts</i>,
<i>who have risen and come to him</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Can I have a word
with you?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. A little later on,
if you don’t mind, Mr. Newte. [<i>He passes
him</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he is about to
speak</i>, <i>changes his mind</i>]. All right, go your own
way. [<i>Goes out</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>.
“Remember”, says Marcus Aurelius—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes—good old
sort, Marcus Aurelius. [<i>He drops listlessly into a
chair</i>.]</p>
<p><i>Dr. Freemantle smiles resignedly</i>, <i>looks at the
Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>shrugs his shoulders</i>, <i>and goes
out</i>, <i>closing the door after him</i>.</p>
<p><i>The Misses Wetherell whisper together—look round
cautiously</i>, <i>steal up behind him</i>, <i>encouraging one
another</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
She’s so young.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. And so adaptable.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he is sitting</i>,
<i>bowed down</i>, <i>with his face in his hands</i>]. Ah,
it was the deception.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span>
[<i>she puts her old thin hand on his shoulder</i>]. What
would you have done, dear, if she had told you—at
first?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he takes her hand in
his—answers a little brokenly</i>]. I don’t
know.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
There’s something we wanted to tell you. [<i>He looks
at her</i>. <i>They look across at each other</i>.]
The first Lady Bantock, your great-grandmamma—</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. She danced with George III.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
She was a butcher’s daughter.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. He was quite a little butcher.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>.
Of course, as a rule, dear, we never mention it.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS
WETHERELL</span>. We felt you ought to know. [<i>They
take each other’s hands</i>; <i>on tip-toe they steal
out</i>. <i>They close the door softly behind
them</i>.]</p>
<p><i>Vernon rises</i>. <i>He looks at the
portrait—draws nearer to it</i>. <i>With his hands in
his pockets</i>, <i>stops dead in front of it</i>, <i>and
contemplates it in silence</i>. <i>The door of the
dressing-room opens</i>. <i>Fanny enters</i>. <i>She
is dressed for going out</i>. <i>She stands for a
moment</i>, <i>the door in her hand</i>. <i>Vernon
turns</i>. <i>She closes the door and comes
forward</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good morning.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good morning.
George stayed the night, didn’t he?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes.
He’s downstairs now.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He won’t be
going for a little while?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Can’t till
the ten o’clock train. Have you had breakfast?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I—I’ve
had something to eat. I’m sorry for what I did last
night—although they did deserve it.
[<i>Laughs</i>.] I suppose it’s a matter than can
easily be put right again.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You have no
objection to their staying?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why should I?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What do you
mean?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. There’s only
one hope of righting a mistake. And that is going back to
the point from where one went wrong—and that was our
marriage.</p>
<p>[<i>A moment</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We haven’t
given it a very long trial.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>with an odd
smile</i>]. It went to pieces at the first. I was in
trouble all last night; you must have known it. You left me
alone.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Jane told me you
had locked yourself in.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You never tried the
door for yourself, dear. [<i>She pretends to rearrange
something on the mantelpiece—any excuse to turn away her
face for a moment</i>. <i>She turns to him again</i>,
<i>smiling</i>.] It was a mistake, the whole thing.
You were partly to blame. You were such a nice boy. I
“fancied” you—to use George’s
words. [<i>She laughs</i>.] And when a woman wants a
thing, she is apt to be a bit unscrupulous about how she gets
it. [<i>She moves about the room</i>, <i>touching the
flowers</i>, <i>rearranging a cushion</i>, <i>a vase</i>.]
I didn’t invent the bishop; that was George’s
embroidery. [<i>Another laugh</i>.] But, of course, I
ought to have told you everything myself. I ought not to
have wanted a man to whom it would have made one atom of
difference whether my cousins were scullery-maids or not.
Somehow, I felt that to you it might. [<i>Vernon
winces</i>.] It’s natural enough. You have a
big position to maintain. I didn’t know you were a
lord—that was your doing. George did find it out, but
he never told me; least of all, that you were Lord
Bantock—or you may be pretty sure I should have come out
with the truth, if only for my own sake. It hasn’t
been any joke for me, coming back here.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes. I can
see they’ve been making things pretty hard for you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, they thought
they were doing their duty. [<i>He is seated</i>.
<i>She comes up behind him</i>, <i>puts her hands on his
shoulders</i>.] I want you to take them all back
again. I want to feel I have made as little commotion in
your life as possible. It was just a little mistake.
And everybody will say how fortunate it was that she took herself
off so soon with that—[<i>She was about to say</i>
“<i>that theatrical Johnny</i>,” <i>thinking of
Newte</i>. <i>She checks herself</i>.] And you will
marry somebody belonging to your own class. And those are
the only sensible marriages there are.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Have you done
talking?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes! Yes, I
think that’s all.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Then perhaps
you’ll let me get in a word. You think me a
snob? [<i>Fanny makes a movement</i>.] As a matter of
fact, I am.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, that’s
not fair. You wouldn’t have married a girl off the
music-hall stage.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Niece of a bishop,
cousin to a judge. Whether I believed it or not,
doesn’t matter. The sham that isn’t likely to
be found out is as good as the truth, to a snob. If he had
told me your uncle was a butler, I should have hesitated.
That’s where the mistake began. We’ll go back
to that. Won’t you sit down? [<i>Fanny
sits</i>.] I want you to stop. There’ll be no
mistake this time. I’m asking my butler’s niece
to do me the honour to be my wife.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s kind
of you.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, I’m not
thinking of you. I’m thinking of myself. I want
you. I fell in love with you because you were pretty and
charming. There’s something else a man wants in his
wife besides that. I’ve found it. [<i>He jumps
up</i>, <i>goes over to her</i>, <i>brushing aside things in his
way</i>.] I’m not claiming it as a right; you can go
if you like. You can earn your own living, I know.
But you shan’t have anybody else. You’ll be
Lady Bantock and nobody else—as long as I live.
[<i>He has grown quite savage</i>.]</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she bites her lip to
keep back the smile that wants to come</i>]. That cuts both
ways, you know.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I don’t want
anybody else.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she stretches out her
hand and lays it on his</i>]. Won’t it be too hard
for you? You’ll have to tell them all—your
friends—everybody.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. They’ve got
to be told in any case. If you are here, for them to see,
they’ll be able to understand—those that have got any
sense.</p>
<p><i>Bennet comes in with breakfast</i>, <i>for two</i>, <i>on a
tray</i>. <i>He places it on a table</i>.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she has risen</i>,
<i>she goes over to him</i>]. Good morning, uncle.
[<i>She puts up her face</i>. <i>He stares</i>, <i>but she
persists</i>. <i>Bennet kisses her</i>.] Lord
Bantock—[<i>she looks at Vernon</i>]—has a request to
make to you. He wishes me to remain here as his wife.
I am willing to do so, provided you give your consent.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Quite right,
Bennet. I ought to have asked for it before. I
apologise. Will you give your consent to my marriage with
your niece?</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One minute.
You understand what it means? From the moment you give
it—if you do give it—I shall be Lady Bantock, your
mistress.</p>
<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My dear
Fanny! My dear Vernon! I speak, for the first and
last time, as your uncle. I am an old-fashioned person, and
my ideas, I have been told, are those of my class. But
observation has impressed it upon me that success in any scheme
depends upon each person being fit for their place.
Yesterday, in the interests of you both, I should have refused my
consent. To-day, I give it with pleasure, feeling sure I am
handing over to Lord Bantock a wife in every way fit for her
position. [<i>Kissing her</i>, <i>he gives her to
Vernon</i>, <i>who grips his hand</i>. <i>He returns to the
table</i>.] Breakfast, your ladyship, is quite ready.</p>
<p><i>They take their places at the table</i>. <i>Fanny
takes off her hat</i>, <i>Bennet takes off the covers</i>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center">[<span
class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p>
<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FANNY AND THE SERVANT PROBLEM***</p>
<pre>
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