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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:19:54 -0700 |
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diff --git a/2829-h/2829-h.htm b/2829-h/2829-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a6a7dd --- /dev/null +++ b/2829-h/2829-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3977 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>Fanny and the Servant Problem, by Jerome K. Jerome</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + P.gutsumm { margin-left: 5%;} + P.poetry {margin-left: 3%; } + .GutSmall { font-size: 0.7em; } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4, H5 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + table { border-collapse: collapse; } +table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;} + td { vertical-align: top; border: 1px solid black;} + td p { margin: 0.2em; } + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-weight: normal; + color: gray; + } + img { border: none; } + img.dc { float: left; width: 50px; height: 50px; } + p.gutindent { margin-left: 2em; } + div.gapspace { height: 0.8em; } + div.gapline { height: 0.8em; width: 100%; border-top: 1px solid;} + div.gapmediumline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + div.gapmediumdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; + margin-left: 40%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid; } + div.gapdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 50%; + margin-left: 25%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; margin-left:40%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + .citation {vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + img.floatleft { float: left; + margin-right: 1em; + margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.floatright { float: right; + margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.clearcenter {display: block; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em} + --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Fanny and the Servant Problem, by Jerome K. +Jerome + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + + + + +Title: Fanny and the Servant Problem + A Quite Possible Play in Four Acts + + +Author: Jerome K. Jerome + + + +Release Date: September 8, 2014 [eBook #2829] +[This file was first posted on 2 August 2000] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FANNY AND THE SERVANT PROBLEM*** +</pre> +<p>Transcribed from the 1909 Hodder & Stoughton edition by +David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<h1><i>Fanny and</i><br /> +<i>the Servant Problem</i></h1> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>A Quite Possible Play in Four +Acts</i></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>By</i><br /> +<b><i>Jerome K. Jerome</i></b></p> + +<div class="gapmediumdoubleline"> </div> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>COPYRIGHT</i> 1909 <i>BY</i><br +/> +<i>JEROME KLAPKA JEROME</i></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>Hodder and +Stoughton</i></b><br /> +<b><i>Limited</i></b> <b><i>London</i></b></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p>Amateurs wishing to perform this play should apply to:</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Samuel +French</span>, <span class="smcap">Ltd</span>.</p> +<p style="text-align: right">26 <span class="smcap">Southampton +Street</span>,<br /> +<span class="smcap">Strand</span>, W.C.2.</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Made and Printed in Great +Britain</i>.<br /> +<i>Hazell</i>, <i>Watson & Viney</i>, <i>Ld.</i>, <i>London +and Aylesbury</i>.</p> +<h2>THE CHARACTERS</h2> +<p><i>Fanny</i></p> +<p><i>Her Husband</i>, <i>Vernon Wetherell</i>, <i>Lord +Bantock</i></p> +<p><i>Her Butler</i>, <i>Martin Bennet</i></p> +<p><i>Her Housekeeper</i>, <i>Susannah Bennet</i></p> +<p><i>Her Maid</i>, <i>Jane Bennet</i></p> +<p><i>Her Second Footman</i>, <i>Ernest Bennet</i></p> +<p><i>Her Still-room Maid</i>, <i>Honoria Bennet</i></p> +<p><i>Her Aunts by marriage</i>, <i>the Misses Wetherell</i></p> +<p><i>Her Local Medical Man</i>, <i>Dr. Freemantle</i></p> +<p><i>Her quondam Companions</i>, “<i>Our +Empire</i>”:<br /> + <i>England</i><br /> + <i>Scotland</i><br /> + <i>Ireland</i><br /> + <i>Wales</i><br /> + <i>Canada</i><br /> + <i>Australia</i><br /> + <i>New Zealand</i><br /> + <i>Africa</i><br /> + <i>India</i><br /> + <i>Newfoundland</i><br /> + <i>Malay Archipelago</i><br /> + <i>Straits Settlements</i></p> +<p><i>Her former Business Manager</i>, <i>George P. Newte</i></p> +<h2><i>ACT I</i></h2> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p> +<p><i>The Lady Bantock’s boudoir</i>, <i>Bantock Hall</i>, +<i>Rutlandshire</i>, <i>a spacious room handsomely furnished</i> +(<i>chiefly in the style of Louis the Fourteenth</i>) <i>and +lighted by three high windows</i>, <i>facing the +south-west</i>. <i>A door between the fireplace and the +windows leads to his lordship’s apartments</i>. <i>A +door the other side of the fireplace is the general +entrance</i>. <i>The door opposite the windows leads +through her ladyship’s dressing-room into her +ladyship’s bedroom</i>. <i>Over the great fireplace +hangs a full-length portrait of Constance</i>, <i>first Lady +Bantock</i>, <i>by Hoppner</i>.</p> +<p><i>The time is sunset of a day in early spring</i>. +<i>The youthful Lord Bantock is expected home with his newly +wedded wife this evening</i>; <i>and the two Misses +Wetherell</i>, <i>his aunts</i>, <i>have been busy decorating the +room with flowers</i>, <i>and are nearing the end of their +labours</i>. <i>The two Misses Wetherell have grown so much +alike it would be difficult for a stranger to tell one from the +other</i>; <i>and to add to his confusion they have fallen into +the habit of dressing much alike in a fashion of their own that +went out long ago</i>, <i>while the hair of both is white</i>, +<i>and even in their voices they have caught each other’s +tones</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she +has paused from her work and is looking out of the +windows</i>]. Such a lovely sunset, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>she leaves her work and joins her sister</i>. <i>The +two stand holding each other’s hands</i>, <i>looking +out</i>]. Beautiful! [<i>A silence</i>. <i>The +sun is streaming full into the room</i>.] You—you +don’t think, dear, that this room—[<i>she looks round +it</i>]—may possibly be a little <i>too</i> sunny to quite +suit her?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>not +at first understanding</i>]. How, dear, <i>too</i> +sun—[<i>She grasps the meaning</i>.] You +mean—you think that perhaps she does that sort of +thing?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Well, dear, one is always given to +understand that they do, women—ladies of her +profession.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It seems to me so wicked: painting God’s work.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We mustn’t judge hardly, +dear. Besides, dear, we don’t know yet that she +does.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Perhaps she’s young, and hasn’t commenced it. I +fancy it’s only the older ones that do it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. He didn’t mention her age, I +remember.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +No, dear, but I feel she’s young.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I do hope she is. We may be able to +mould her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We must be very sympathetic. One can accomplish so much +with sympathy.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We must get to understand her. +[<i>A sudden thought</i>.] Perhaps, dear, we may get to +like her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>doubtful</i>]. We might <i>try</i>, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. For Vernon’s sake. The poor +boy seems so much in love with her. We must—</p> +<p><i>Bennet has entered</i>. <i>He is the butler</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Doctor +Freemantle. I have shown him into the library.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Thank you, Bennet. Will you please +tell him that we shall be down in a few minutes? I must +just finish these flowers. [<i>She returns to the +table</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Why not ask him to come up here? We could consult +him—about the room. He always knows everything.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. A good idea. Please ask him, +Bennet, if he would mind coming up to us here. +[<i>Bennet</i>, <i>who has been piling up fresh logs upon the +fire</i>, <i>turns to go</i>.] Oh, Bennet! You will +remind Charles to put a footwarmer in the carriage!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I will see to it +myself. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Thank you, Bennet. [<i>To her +sister</i>] One’s feet are always so cold after a +railway journey.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I’ve been told that, nowadays, they heat the carriages.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Ah, it is an age of luxury! I wish +I knew which were her favourite flowers. It is so nice to +be greeted by one’s favourite flowers.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I feel sure she loves lilies.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And they are so appropriate to a +bride. So—</p> +<p><i>Announced by Bennet</i>, <i>Dr. Freemantle bustles +in</i>. <i>He is a dapper little man</i>, +<i>clean-shaven</i>, <i>with quick brisk ways</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he shakes +hands</i>]. Well, and how are we this afternoon? +[<i>He feels the pulse of the Younger Miss Wetherell</i>] +Steadier. Much steadier! [<i>of the Elder Miss +Wetherell</i>.] Nervous tension greatly relieved.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. She has been sleeping much better.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he pats the +hand of the Elder Miss Wetherell</i>]. Excellent! +Excellent!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +She ate a good breakfast this morning.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he pats the +hand of the Younger Miss Wetherell</i>]. Couldn’t +have a better sign. [<i>He smiles from one to the +other</i>.] Brain disturbance, caused by futile opposition +to the inevitable, evidently abating. One page Marcus +Aurelius every morning before breakfast. “Adapt +thyself,” says Marcus Aurelius, “to the things with +which thy lot has been cast. Whatever +happens—”</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. You see, doctor, it was all so +sudden.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. The +unexpected! It has a way of taking us by +surprise—bowling us over—completely. Till we +pull ourselves together. Make the best of what can’t +be helped—like brave, sweet gentlewomen. [<i>He +presses their hands</i>. <i>They are both wiping away a +tear</i>.] When do you expect them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +To-night, by the half-past eight train. We had a telegram +this morning from Dover.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Um! and +this is to be her room? [<i>He takes it in</i>.] The +noble and renowned Constance, friend and confidant of the elder +Pitt, maker of history, first Lady Bantock—by +Hoppner—always there to keep an eye on her, remind her of +the family traditions. Brilliant idea, brilliant! +[<i>They are both smiling with pleasure</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +And you don’t think—it is what we wanted to ask +you—that there is any fear of her finding it a little +trying—the light? You see, this is an exceptionally +sunny room.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And these actresses—if all one +hears is true—</p> +<p><i>The dying sun is throwing his last beams across the +room</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Which, +thank God, it isn’t. [<i>He seats himself in a large +easy-chair</i>. <i>The two ladies sit side by side on a +settee</i>.] I’ll tell you just exactly what +you’ve got to expect. A lady—a few years older +than the boy himself, but still young. Exquisite figure; +dressed—perhaps a trifle too regardless of expense. +Hair—maybe just a shade <i>too</i> golden. All that +can be altered. Features—piquant, with expressive +eyes, the use of which she probably understands, and an almost +permanent smile, displaying an admirably preserved and remarkably +even set of teeth. But, above all, clever. +That’s our sheet-anchor. The woman’s +clever. She will know how to adapt herself to her new +position.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>turning to her sister</i>]. Yes, she must be clever to +have obtained the position that she has. [<i>To the +Doctor</i>] Vernon says that she was quite the chief +attraction all this winter, in Paris.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +And the French public is so critical.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>drily</i>]. Um! I was thinking rather of her +cleverness in “landing” poor Vernon. The +lad’s not a fool.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We must do her justice. I think she was really in love with +him.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>still more +drily</i>]. Very possibly. Most café-chantant +singers, I take it, would be—with an English lord. +[<i>He laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You see, she didn’t know he was a lord.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Didn’t know—?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. No. She married him, thinking him +to be a plain Mr. Wetherell, an artist.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Where +d’ye get all that from?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +From Vernon himself. You’ve got his last letter, +dear. [<i>She has opened her chatelaine bag</i>.] Oh, +no, I’ve got it myself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. He’s not going to break it to her +till they reach here this evening.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she +reads</i>]. Yes. “I shall not break it to her +before we reach home. We were married quietly at the +<i>Hôtel de Ville</i>, and she has no idea I am anything +else than plain Vernon James Wetherell, a fellow-countryman of +her own, and a fellow-artist. The dear creature has never +even inquired whether I am rich or poor.” I like her +for that.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. You mean +to tell me—[<i>He jumps up</i>. <i>With his hands in +his jacket pockets</i>, <i>he walks to and fro</i>.] I +suppose it’s possible.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You see, she isn’t the ordinary class of music-hall +singer.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I should +say not.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +She comes of quite a good family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Her uncle was a bishop.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Bishop? Of where?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>with the letter</i>]. He says he can’t spell +it. It’s somewhere in New Zealand.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Do they +have bishops over there?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Well, evidently.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Then her cousin is a judge.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. In New +Zealand?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>again referring to the letter</i>]. No—in +Ohio.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Seems to +have been a somewhat scattered family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. People go about so much nowadays.</p> +<p><i>Mrs. Bennet has entered</i>. <i>She is the +housekeeper</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she is about to +speak to the Misses Wetherell</i>; <i>sees the Doctor</i>]. +Good afternoon, doctor.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Afternoon, +Mrs. Bennet.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she turns to the +Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>her watch in her hand</i>]. I was +thinking of having the fire lighted in her ladyship’s +bedroom. It is half past six.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You are always so thoughtful. She may be tired.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. If so, +everything will be quite ready. [<i>She goes out</i>, +<i>closing door</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. What do +they think about it all—the Bennets? You have told +them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We thought it better. You see, one +hardly regards them as servants. They have been in the +family so long. Three generations of them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Really, since our poor dear brother’s death, Bennet has +been more like the head of the house than the butler.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Of course, he doesn’t say much.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It is her having been on the stage that they feel so.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. You see, they have always been a +religious family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Do you know, I really think they feel it more than we do. I +found Peggy crying about it yesterday, in the scullery.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he has been +listening with a touch of amusement</i>.] Peggy Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Yes. <i>Charles</i> Bennet’s +daughter.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Happen to +have a servant about the place who isn’t a Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. No, no, I don’t really think we +have. Oh, yes—that new girl Mrs. Bennet engaged last +week for the dairy. What is her name?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Arnold.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Ah, yes, Arnold.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I think she’s a cousin, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Only a second cousin.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Um! +Well I should tell the whole family to buck up. Seems to +me, from what you tell me, that their master is bringing them +home a treasure. [<i>He shakes hands briskly with the +ladies</i>.] May look in again to-morrow. Don’t +forget—one page Marcus Aurelius before breakfast—in +case of need. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><i>The sun has sunk</i>. <i>The light is +twilight</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +He always cheers one up.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. He’s so alive. [<i>Mrs. +Bennet comes in from the dressing-room</i>. <i>She leaves +the door ajar</i>. <i>The sound of a hammer is +heard</i>. <i>It ceases almost immediately</i>.] Oh, +Mrs. Bennet, we were going to ask you—who is to be her +ladyship’s maid? Have you decided yet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. I have come +to the conclusion—looking at the thing from every point of +view—that Jane would be the best selection.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Jane!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +But does she understand the duties?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. A +lady’s maid, being so much alone with her mistress, is +bound to have a certain amount of influence. And Jane has +exceptionally high principles.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. That is true, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. As regards +the duties, she is very quick at learning anything new. Of +course, at first—</p> +<p><i>The sound of hammering again comes from the +bedroom</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Who is that hammering in her +ladyship’s bedroom?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. It is Bennet, +Miss Edith. We thought it might be helpful: a few texts, +hung where they would always catch her ladyship’s +eye. [<i>She notices the look of doubt</i>.] Nothing +offensive. Mere general exhortations such as could be read +by any lady. [<i>The Misses Wetherell look at one +another</i>, <i>but do not speak</i>.] I take it, dinner +will be at half past seven, as usual?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Yes, Mrs. Bennet, thank you. They will not be here till +about nine. They will probably prefer a little supper to +themselves.</p> +<p><i>Mrs. Bennet goes out—on her way to the +kitchen</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell look at one another +again</i>. <i>The hammering recommences</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>she hesitates a moment</i>, <i>then goes to the open door and +calls</i>]. Bennet—Bennet! [<i>She returns and +waits</i>. <i>Bennet comes in</i>.] Oh, Bennet, your +wife tells us you are putting up a few texts in her +ladyship’s bedroom.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It seemed to me +that a silent voice, speaking to her, as it were, from the +wall—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. It is so good of you—only, +you—you will be careful there is nothing she could regard +as a <i>personal</i> allusion.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Many of the most +popular I was compelled to reject, purely for that reason.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We felt sure we could trust to your discretion.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. You see, coming, as she does, from a good +family—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is that—I +speak merely for myself—that gives me hope of reclaiming +her.</p> +<p><i>A silence</i>. <i>The two ladies</i>, <i>feeling a +little helpless</i>, <i>again look at one another</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We must be very sympathetic.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And patient, Bennet.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is what I am +preparing myself to be. Of course, if you think them +inadvisable, I can take them down again.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. No, Bennet, oh no! I should leave +them up. Very thoughtful of you, indeed.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It seemed to me +one ought to leave no stone unturned. [<i>He returns to his +labours in the bedroom</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>after a pause</i>]. I do hope she’ll <i>like</i> +the Bennets.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I think she will—after a time, when she is used to +them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I am so anxious it should turn out +well.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I feel sure she’s a good woman. Vernon would never +have fallen in love with her if she hadn’t been good. +[<i>They take each other’s hand</i>, <i>and sit side by +side</i>, <i>as before</i>, <i>upon the settee</i>. <i>The +twilight has faded</i>: <i>only the faint firelight remains</i>, +<i>surrounded by shadows</i>.] Do you remember, when he was +a little mite, how he loved to play with your hair? [<i>The +younger Miss Wetherell laughs</i>.] I always envied you +your hair.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. He was so fond of us both. Do you +remember when he was recovering from the measles, his crying for +us to bath him instead of Mrs. Bennet? I have always +reproached myself that we refused.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +He was such a big boy for his age.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I think we might have stretched a point +in a case of illness.</p> +<p><i>The room has grown very dark</i>. <i>The door has +been softly opened</i>; <i>Vernon and Fanny have entered +noiselessly</i>. <i>Fanny remains near the door hidden by a +screen</i>, <i>Vernon has crept forward</i>. <i>At this +point the two ladies become aware that somebody is in the +room</i>. <i>They are alarmed</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Who’s there?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. It’s all +right, aunt. It’s only I.</p> +<p><i>The two ladies have risen</i>. <i>They run +forward</i>, <i>both take him in their arms</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Vernon!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +My dear boy!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. But we didn’t expect you—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +And your wife, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. She’s +here!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Here?</p> +<p><i>Fanny</i>, <i>from behind the screen</i>, +<i>laughs</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We’ll have +some light. [<i>He whispers to them</i>.] Not a +word—haven’t told her yet. [<i>Feeling his way +to the wall</i>, <i>he turns on the electric light</i>.]</p> +<p><i>Fanny is revealed</i>, <i>having slipped out from behind +the screen</i>. <i>There is a pause</i>. +<i>Vernon</i>, <i>standing near the fire</i>, <i>watches +admiringly</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Hope you are going +to like me.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. My dear, I am sure we shall.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It is so easy to love the young and pretty. [<i>They have +drawn close to her</i>. <i>They seem to hesitate</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. It +doesn’t come off, does it, Vernon, dear? [<i>Vernon +laughs</i>. <i>The two ladies</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>kiss +her</i>.] I’m so glad you think I’m +pretty. As a matter of fact, I’m not. +There’s a certain charm about me, I admit. It +deceives people.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We were afraid—you know, dear, +boys—[<i>she looks at Vernon and smiles</i>] sometimes fall +in love with women much older than themselves—especially +women—[<i>She grows confused</i>. <i>She takes the +girl’s hand</i>.] We are so relieved that +you—that you are yourself, dear,</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You were quite +right, dear. They are sweet. Which is which?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. +Upon my word, I never can tell.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Vernon! And you know I was always +your favourite!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Dear!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Then this is Aunt +Alice.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. No dear, Edith.</p> +<p>[<i>Vernon throws up his hands in despair</i>. <i>They +all laugh</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I think I shall +dress you differently; put you in blue and you in pink. +[<i>She laughs</i>.] Is this the drawing-room?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Your room, +dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I like a room where +one can stretch one’s legs. [<i>She walks across +it</i>.] A little too much desk [<i>referring to a massive +brass-bound desk</i>, <i>facing the three windows</i>].</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It belonged to the elder Pitt.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Um! Suppose +we must find a corner for it somewhere. That’s a good +picture.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. It is by Hoppner.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One of your artist +friends?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well—you +see, dear, that’s a portrait of my great-grandmother, +painted from life.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she +whistles</i>]. I am awfully ignorant on some topics. +One good thing, I always was a quick study. Not a +bad-looking woman.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We are very proud of her. She was the first—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>hastily</i>]. +We will have her history some other time.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>who understands</i>, <i>signs to her sister</i>]. Of +course. She’s tired. We are forgetting +everything. You will have some tea, won’t you, +dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, thanks. +We had tea in the train. [<i>With the more or less helpful +assistance of Vernon she divests herself of her outdoor +garments</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>she +holds up her hands in astonishment</i>]. Tea in the +train!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We were not expecting you so soon. +You said in your telegram—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, it was raining +in London. We thought we would come straight on—leave +our shopping for another day.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I believe you were +glad it was raining. Saved you such a lot of money. +Old Stingy!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Then did you walk from the station, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Didn’t it +seem a long way? [<i>She laughs up into his +face</i>.] He was so bored. [<i>Vernon +laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I had better tell—[<i>She is going +towards the bell</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he stops +her</i>]. Oh, let them alone. Plenty of time for all +that fuss. [<i>He puts them both gently side by side on the +settee</i>.] Sit down and talk. Haven’t I been +clever? [<i>He puts his arm round Fanny</i>, +<i>laughing</i>.] You thought I had made an ass of myself, +didn’t you? Did you get all my letters?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I think so, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is sitting in an +easy-chair</i>. <i>Vernon seats himself on the +arm</i>]. Do you know I’ve never had a love-letter +from you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You gave me no +time. She met me a month ago, and married me last week.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It was quick +work. He came—he saw—I conquered! +[<i>Laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +They say that love at first sight is often the most lasting.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he puts his arm +around her</i>]. You are sure you will never regret having +given up the stage? The excitement, the—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The +excitement! Do you know what an actress’s life always +seemed to me like? Dancing on a tight-rope with everybody +throwing stones at you. One soon gets tired of that sort of +excitement. Oh, I was never in love with the stage. +Had to do something for a living.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. It must be a hard life for a woman.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Especially for anyone not brought up to it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, I had a +good voice and what I suppose you might call a natural talent for +acting. It seemed the easiest thing.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I suppose your family were very much +opposed to it? [<i>Vernon rises</i>. <i>He stands +with his back to the fire</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My family? +Hadn’t any!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +No family?</p> +<p><i>Bennet enters</i>. <i>Vernon and Fanny left the door +open</i>. <i>He halts</i>, <i>framed by the +doorway</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No. You see, +I was an only child. My father and mother both died before +I was fourteen.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. But your uncle?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, him! It +was to get away from him and all that crew that I went on the +stage.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It is so sad when relations don’t get on together.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Sadder still when +they think they’ve got a right to trample on you, just +because you happen to be an orphan and—I don’t want +to talk about my relations. I want to forget them. I +stood them for nearly six months. I don’t want to be +reminded of them. I want to forget that they ever +existed. I want to forget—</p> +<p><i>Bennet has come down very quietly</i>. <i>Fanny</i>, +<i>from where he stands</i>, <i>is the only one who sees +him</i>. <i>He stands looking at her</i>, <i>his +features</i>, <i>as ever</i>, <i>immovable</i>. <i>At sight +of him her eyes and mouth open wider and wider</i>. <i>The +words die away from her tongue</i>. <i>Vernon has turned +away to put a log on the fire</i>, <i>and so has not seen her +expression—only hears her sudden silence</i>. <i>He +looks up and sees Bennet</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Ah, Bennet! +[<i>He advances</i>, <i>holding out his hand</i>.] You +quite well?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>shaking hands with +him</i>]. Quite well.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good! And +all the family?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Nothing to +complain of. Charles has had a touch of influenza.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Ah, sorry to hear +that.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. And your +lordship?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Fit as a +fiddle—your new mistress.</p> +<p><i>Fanny has risen</i>. <i>Bennet turns to +her</i>. <i>For a moment his back is towards the other +three</i>. <i>Fanny alone sees his face</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. We shall endeavour +to do our duty to her ladyship. [<i>He turns to +Vernon</i>.] I had arranged for a more fitting +reception—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. To tell the honest +truth, Bennet, the very thing we were afraid of—why we +walked from the station, and slipped in by the side door. +[<i>Laughing</i>.] Has the luggage come?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It has just +arrived. It was about that I came to ask. I could not +understand—</p> +<p><i>The Misses Wetherell have also risen</i>. +<i>Fanny’s speechless amazement is attributed by them and +Vernon to natural astonishment at discovery of his rank</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. You will be wanting a quiet talk +together. We shall see you at dinner.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What time is +dinner?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Half past seven. [<i>To +Fanny</i>] But don’t you hurry, dear. I will +tell cook to delay it a little. [<i>She kisses +her</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You will want some time to arrange that pretty hair of +yours. [<i>She also kisses the passive</i>, <i>speechless +Fanny</i>. <i>They go out hand in hand</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I will see, while +I am here, that your lordship’s room is in order.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why, where’s +Robert, then?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. He has gone into +town to do some shopping. We did not expect your lordship +much before nine. There may be one or two things to see +to. [<i>He goes into his lordship’s apartments</i>, +<i>closing the door behind him</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Vernon, where am +I?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. At home, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, but where?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. At Bantock Hall, +Rutlandshire. [<i>Fanny sits down on the settee—drops +down rather</i>.] You’re not angry with me? You +know how the world always talks in these cases. I wanted to +be able to prove to them all that you married me for +myself. Not because I was Lord Bantock. Can you +forgive me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she still seems in a +dream</i>]. Yes—of course. You +didn’t—you wouldn’t—[<i>She suddenly +springs up</i>.] Vernon, you do love me? [<i>She +flings her arms round his neck</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Dear!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You will never be +ashamed of me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Dearest!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I was only a +music-hall singer. There’s no getting over it, you +know.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I should have +loved you had you been a beggar-maid.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she still clings to +him</i>]. With an uncle a costermonger, and an aunt who +sold matches. It wouldn’t have made any difference to +you, would it? You didn’t marry me for my family, did +you? You didn’t, did you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Darling! I +married you because you are the most fascinating, the most +lovable, the most wonderful little woman in the world. +[<i>Fanny gives a sob</i>.] As for your +family—I’ve got a confession to make to you, +dear. I made inquiries about your family before I proposed +to you. Not for my own sake—because I knew I’d +have to answer a lot of stupid questions. It seemed to me +quite a good family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It is! Oh, it +is! There never was such a respectable family. +That’s why I never could get on with them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing</i>]. +Well, you haven’t got to—any more. We +needn’t even let them know—</p> +<p><i>Bennet returns</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Robert I find has +returned. It is ten minutes to seven.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Thanks. +Well, I shall be glad of a bath. [<i>He turns to +Fanny</i>.] Bennet will send your maid to you. [<i>He +whispers to her</i>.] You’ll soon get used to it +all. As for the confounded family—we will forget all +about them. [<i>Fanny answers with another little stifled +sob</i>. <i>Bennet is drawing the curtains</i>, <i>his back +to the room</i>. <i>Vernon</i>, <i>seeing that Bennet is +occupied</i>, <i>kisses the unresponsive Fanny and goes +out</i>.]</p> +<p><i>At the sound of the closing of the door</i>, <i>Fanny looks +up</i>. <i>She goes to the door through which Vernon has +just passed</i>, <i>listens a moment</i>, <i>then +returns</i>. <i>Bennet calmly finishes the drawing of the +curtains</i>. <i>Then he</i>, <i>too</i>, <i>crosses slowly +till he and Fanny are facing one another across the centre of the +room</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Well, what are you +going to do?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My duty!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What’s +that? Something unpleasant, I know. I can bet my +bottom dollar.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. That, my girl, +will depend upon you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How upon me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Whether you prove +an easy or a difficult subject. To fit you for your +position, a certain amount of training will, I fancy, be +necessary.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Training! +I’m to be—[<i>She draws herself up</i>.] Are +you aware who I am?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Oh yes. +<i>And</i> who you were. His lordship, I take it, would +hardly relish the discovery that he had married his +butler’s niece. He might consider the situation +awkward.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And who’s +going to train me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am. With +the assistance of your aunt and such other members of your family +as I consider can be trusted.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>for a moment she is +speechless</i>, <i>then she bursts out</i>]. That ends +it! I shall tell him! I shall tell him this very +moment. [<i>She sweeps towards the door</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. At this moment you +will most likely find his lordship in his bath.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I don’t +care! Do you think—do you think for a moment that +I’m going to allow myself—I, Lady Bantock, to +be—[<i>Her hand upon the door</i>.] I shall tell him, +and you’ll only have yourself to blame. He loves +me. He loves me for myself. I shall tell him the +whole truth, and ask him to give you all the sack.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You’re not +forgetting that you’ve already told him <i>once</i> who you +were?</p> +<p>[<i>It stops her</i>. <i>What she really did was to +leave the marriage arrangements in the hands of her business +manager</i>, <i>George P. Newte</i>. <i>As agent for a +music-hall star</i>, <i>he is ideal</i>, <i>but it is possible +that in answering Lord Bantock’s inquiries concerning +Fanny’s antecedents he may not have kept strictly to the +truth</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I never did. +I’ve never told him anything about my family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Curious. I +was given to understand it was rather a classy affair.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I can’t help +what other people may have done. Because some silly idiot +of a man may possibly—[<i>She will try a new +tack</i>. <i>She leaves the door and comes to +him</i>.] Uncle, dear, wouldn’t it be simpler for you +all to go away? He’s awfully fond of me. +He’ll do anything I ask him. I could merely say that +I didn’t like you and get him to pension you off. You +and aunt could have a little roadside inn somewhere—with +ivy.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Seeing that +together with the stables and the garden there are twenty-three +of us—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, of course, he +couldn’t pension you all. You couldn’t +expect—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think his +lordship might prefer to leave things as they are. Good +servants nowadays are not so easily replaced. And neither +your aunt nor I are at an age when change appeals to one.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, it’s +almost bound to creep out sooner or later, and then—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. We will make it as +late as possible [<i>He crosses and rings the bell</i>], giving +you time to prove to his lordship that you are not incapable of +learning.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she drops back on the +settee</i>. <i>She is half-crying</i>.] Some people +would be pleased that their niece had married well.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am old-fashioned +enough to think also of my duty to those I serve. If his +lordship has done me the honour to marry my niece, the least I +can is to see to it that she brings no discredit to his +name. [<i>Mrs. Bennet</i>, <i>followed by Jane Bennet</i>, +<i>a severe-looking woman of middle age</i>, <i>has entered upon +the words</i> “<i>the least I can do</i>.” +<i>Bennet stays them a moment with his hand while he +finishes</i>. <i>Then he turns to his wife</i>.] You +will be interested to find, Susannah, that the new Lady Bantock +is not a stranger.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Not a +stranger! [<i>She has reached a position from where she +sees the girl</i>.] Fanny! You wicked girl! +Where have you been all these years?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> +[<i>interposing</i>]. There will be other opportunities for +the discussion of family differences. Just now, her +ladyship is waiting to dress for dinner.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> +[<i>sneering</i>]. Her ladyship!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>also +sneering</i>]. I think she might have forewarned us of the +honour in store for us.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Yes, why +didn’t she write?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Because I +didn’t know. Do you think—[<i>she +rises</i>]—that if I had I would ever have married +him—to be brought back here and put in this ridiculous +position? Do you think that I am so fond of you all that I +couldn’t keep away from you, at any price?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. But you must +have known that Lord Bantock—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I didn’t know +he was Lord Bantock. I only knew him as Mr. Wetherell, an +artist. He wanted to feel sure that I was marrying him for +himself alone. He never told me—[<i>Ernest +Bennet</i>, <i>a very young footman</i>, <i>has entered in answer +to Bennet’s ring of a minute ago</i>. <i>He has come +forward step by step</i>, <i>staring all the while open-mouthed +at Fanny</i>. <i>Turning</i>, <i>she sees him beside +her</i>.] Hulloa, Ernie. How are the rabbits? +[<i>She kisses him</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Don’t stand +there gaping. I rang for some wood. Tell your brother +dinner will be at a quarter to eight.</p> +<p><i>Ernest</i>, <i>never speaking</i>, <i>still staring at +Fanny</i>, <i>gets clumsily out again</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Well, I suppose +I’d better see about dressing? Do I dine with his +lordship or in the servants’ hall?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>turns to her +husband</i>]. You see! Still the old +impertinence.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Only wanted to +know. My only desire is to give satisfaction.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he moves towards the +door</i>]. You will do it by treating the matter more +seriously. At dinner, by keeping your eye upon me, you will +be able to tell whether you are behaving yourself or not.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. And mind you +are punctual. I have appointed Jane to be your maid.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Jane!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>in +arms</i>]. Have you any objections?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, oh no, so long +as you’re all satisfied.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Remember, you +are no longer on the music-hall stage. In dressing for +Bantock Hall you will do well to follow her advice.</p> +<p><i>Bennet</i>, <i>who has been waiting with the door in his +hand</i>, <i>goes out</i>; <i>Mrs. Bennet follows</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>in the tones of a +patient executioner</i>]. Are you ready?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Quite ready, +dear. Of course—I don’t know what you will +think of them—but I’ve only brought modern costumes +with me.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span> [<i>not a lady who +understands satire</i>]. We must do the best we can. +[<i>She marches out—into the dressing-room</i>.]</p> +<p><i>Fanny</i>, <i>after following a few steps</i>, <i>stops and +thinks</i>. <i>Ernest has entered with the wood</i>. +<i>He is piling it in the basket by the fire</i>. <i>His +entrance decides her</i>. <i>She glances through the open +door of the dressing-room</i>, <i>then flies across to the +desk</i>, <i>seats herself</i>, <i>and begins feverishly to write +a telegram</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Ernie! [<i>He +comes across to her</i>.] Have you still got your +bicycle?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Could you get this +telegram off for me before eight o’clock? I +don’t want it sent from the village; I want you to take it +<i>yourself</i>—into the town. There’s a +sovereign for you if you do it all right.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. I’ll do +it. Can only get into a row.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Pretty used to +them, ain’t you? [<i>She has risen</i>. <i>She +gives him the telegram</i>. <i>She has stamped +it</i>.] Can you read it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. “George P. +Newte.”</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Hush!</p> +<p><i>They both glance at the open door</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>he continues in a +lower voice</i>]. “72<span class="GutSmall">A</span>, +Waterloo Bridge Road, London. Must see you at once. +Am at the new shop.” [<i>He looks up</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s all +right.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. “Come +down. Q.T. Fanny.”</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>nods</i>]. Get +off quietly. I’ll see you again—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE VOICE OF JANE</span> [<i>from the +dressing-room</i>]. Are you going to keep me waiting all +night?</p> +<p>[<i>They start</i>. <i>Ernest hastily thrusts the +telegram into his breast-pocket</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Coming, dear, +coming. [<i>To Ernest</i>] Not a word to +anyone! [<i>She hurries him out and closes door behind +him</i>.] Merely been putting the room a bit tidy. +[<i>She is flying round collecting her outdoor +garments</i>.] Thought it would please you. So sorry +if I’ve kept you waiting. [<i>Jane has appeared at +door</i>.] After you, dear.</p> +<p><i>Jane goes out again</i>. <i>Fanny</i>, <i>with her +pile of luggage</i>, <i>follows</i>.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">[<span +class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p> +<h2><i>ACT II</i></h2> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p> +<p><i>The same</i>.</p> +<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>The next morning</i>.</p> +<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle enters</i>, +<i>shown in by Bennet</i>, <i>who follows him</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>talking as he +enters</i>]. Wonderful! Wonderful! I +don’t really think I ever remember so fine a spring.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is making up the +fire</i>]. I’m afraid we shall have to pay for it +later on.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I expect +so. Law of the universe, you know, Bennet—law of the +universe. Everything in this world has got to be paid +for.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Except +trouble. [<i>The doctor laughs</i>.] The Times? +[<i>He hands it to him</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Thanks. Thanks. [<i>Seats himself</i>.] +Won’t be long—his lordship, will he?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I don’t +think so. I told him you would be here about eleven.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Um—what do you think of her?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Of—of her +ladyship?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +What’s she like?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. [<i>They have sunk +their voices</i>.] Well, it might have been worse.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah! +There’s always that consolation, isn’t there?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think her +ladyship—with <i>management</i>—may turn out very +satisfactory.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. You like +her?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. At present, I must +say for her, she appears willing to be taught.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And you +think it will last?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think her +ladyship appreciates the peculiarity of her position. I +will tell the Miss Wetherells you are here.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah, +thanks!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I fancy her +ladyship will not herself be visible much before lunch +time. I understand she woke this morning with a +headache. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><i>The Doctor reads a moment</i>. <i>Then the door of +the dressing-room opens</i>, <i>and Fanny enters</i>. +<i>Her dress is a wonderful contrast to her costume of last +evening</i>. <i>It might be that of a poor and demure +nursery governess</i>. <i>Her hair is dressed in +keeping</i>. <i>She hardly seems the same woman</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>seeing the Doctor</i>, +<i>she pauses</i>]. Oh!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>rises</i>]. I beg pardon, have I the pleasure of seeing +Lady Bantock?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Delighted. May I introduce myself—Dr. +Freemantle? I helped your husband into the world.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. +I’ve heard of you. You don’t mind my closing +this door, do you? [<i>Her very voice and manner are +changed</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>a little +puzzled</i>]. Not at all.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she closes the door +and returns</i>]. Won’t—won’t you be +seated?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Thanks. [<i>They both sit</i>.] How’s the +headache?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, it’s +better.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Ah! +[<i>A silence</i>.] Forgive me—I’m an old +friend of the family. You’re not a bit what I +expected.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But you like +it? I mean you think this—[<i>with a +gesture</i>]—is all right?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. My dear +young lady, it’s charming. You couldn’t be +anything else.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I merely +meant that—well, I was not expecting anything so +delightfully demure.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s the +idea—“seemly.” The Lady Bantocks have +always been “seemly”? [<i>She puts it as a +question</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>more and more +puzzled</i>]. Yes—oh, yes. They have always +been—[<i>His eye catches that of Constance</i>, <i>first +Lady Bantock</i>, <i>looking down at him from above the +chimney-piece</i>. <i>His tone changes</i>.] Well, +yes, in their way, you know.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You see, I’m +in the difficult position of following her <i>late</i> +ladyship. <i>She</i> appears to have been exceptionally +“seemly.” This is her frock. I mean it +<i>was</i> her frock.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. God bless +my soul! You are not dressing yourself up in her late +ladyship’s clothes? The dear good woman has been dead +and buried these twenty years.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks at her +dress</i>]. Yes, it struck me as being about that +period.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he goes +across to her</i>]. What’s the trouble? Too +much Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks +up</i>. <i>There is a suspicion of a smile</i>]. One +might say—sufficient?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>laughs</i>]. Excellent servants. If they’d +only remember it. [<i>He glances round—sinks his +voice</i>.] Take my advice. Put your foot +down—before it’s too late.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Sit down, +please. [<i>She makes room for him on the +settee</i>.] Because I’m going to be +confidential. You don’t mind, do you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>seating +himself</i>]. My dear, I take it as the greatest compliment +I have had paid to me for years.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You put everything +so nicely. I’m two persons. I’m an +angel—perhaps that is too strong a word?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>doubtfully</i>]. Well—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. We’ll say +saint. Or else I’m—the other thing.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Do you +know, I think you could be.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s not a +question about which there is any doubt.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Of course, +in this case, a <i>little</i> bit of the devil—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she shakes her +head</i>]. There’s such a lot of mine. It has +always hampered me, never being able to hit the happy medium.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It +<i>is</i> awkward.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I thought I would +go on being an angel—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Saint.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. +Saint—till—well, till it became physically impossible +to be a saint any longer.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And +then?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she rises</i>, +<i>turns to him with a gesture of half-comic</i>, <i>half-tragic +despair</i>]. Well, then I can’t help it, can I?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I think +you’re making a mistake. An explosion will +undoubtedly have to take place. That being so, the sooner +it takes place the better. [<i>He rises</i>.] What +are you afraid of?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she changes her +tone—the talk becomes serious</i>]. You’ve +known Vernon all his life?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. No one +better.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Tell me. +I’ve known him only as a lover. What sort of a man is +he?</p> +<p><i>A pause</i>. <i>They are looking straight into each +other’s eyes</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. A man it +pays to be perfectly frank with.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s a very +old family, isn’t it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Old! +Good Lord no! First Lord Bantock was only Vernon’s +great-grandfather. That is the woman that did it all. +[<i>He is looking at the Hoppner</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How do you +mean?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Got them +their title. Made the name of Bantock of importance in the +history of the Georges. Clever woman.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>leaning over a +chair</i>, <i>she is staring into the eyes of the first Lady +Bantock</i>]. I wonder what she would have done if she had +ever got herself into a really first-class muddle?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. One +thing’s certain. [<i>Fanny turns to him</i>.] +She’d have got out of it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>addresses the +portrait</i>]. I do wish you could talk.</p> +<p><i>Vernon bursts into the room</i>. <i>He has been +riding</i>. <i>He throws aside his hat and stick</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Hulloa! This +is good of you. [<i>He shakes hands with the +Doctor</i>.] How are you? [<i>Without waiting for any +reply</i>, <i>he goes to Fanny</i>, <i>kisses her</i>.] +Good morning, dear. How have you been getting on together, +you two? Has she been talking to you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh, +yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Doesn’t she +talk well? I say, what have you been doing to yourself?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Jane thought this +style—[<i>with a gesture</i>]—more appropriate to +Lady Bantock.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Um! Wonder +if she’s right? [<i>To the Doctor</i>] What do +you think?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I think it +a question solely for Lady Bantock.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Of course it +is. [<i>To Fanny</i>] You know, you mustn’t let +them dictate to you. Dear, good, faithful souls, all of +them. But they must understand that you are mistress.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she seizes eagerly at +the chance</i>]. You might mention it to them, dear. +It would come so much better from you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. No, you. +They will take more notice of you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’d so much +rather you did it. [<i>To Dr. Freemantle</i>] +Don’t you think it would come better from him?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>laughs</i>]. I’m afraid you’ll have to do +it yourself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You see, dear, it +might hurt them, coming from me. It would seem like +ingratitude. Mrs. Bennet—Why, it wasn’t till I +began to ask questions that I grasped the fact that she +<i>wasn’t</i> my real mother. As for old Bennet, ever +since my father died—well, I hardly know how I could have +got on without him. It was Charles Bennet that taught me to +ride; I learned my letters sitting on Jane’s lap.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Perhaps +I had better do it myself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I’m sure it +will be more effective. Of course I shall support you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you. +Oh, by the by, dear, I shan’t be able to go with you +to-day.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why not?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’ve rather a +headache.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, I’m so +sorry. Oh, all right, we’ll stop at home. +I’m not so very keen about it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, I want you to +go, dear. Your aunts are looking forward to it. I +shall get over it all the sooner with everybody out of the +way.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well, if you +really wish it.</p> +<p><i>The Misses Wetherell steal in</i>. <i>They are +dressed for driving</i>. <i>They exchange greetings with +the Doctor</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You know you +promised to obey. [<i>Tickles his nose with a +flower</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing—to the +Doctor</i>]. You see what it is to be married?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>laughs</i>]. Very trying.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>turning to his +aunts</i>]. Fanny isn’t coming with us.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>to Fanny</i>]. Oh, my dear!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s only a +headache. [<i>She takes her aside</i>.] I’m +rather glad of it. I want an excuse for a little time to +myself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I understand, dear. It’s all +been so sudden. [<i>She kisses her—then to the +room</i>] She’ll be all the better alone. We +three will go on. [<i>She nods and signs to her +sister</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>kissing the Elder Miss +Wetherell</i>]. Don’t you get betting.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Oh no, dear, we never do. It’s just to see the dear +horses. [<i>She joins her sister</i>. <i>They +whisper</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>to the Doctor to whom +he has been talking</i>]. Can we give you a lift?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Well, you +might as far as the Vicarage. Good-bye, Lady Bantock.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>shaking +hands</i>]. Good-bye, Doctor.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Sure you +won’t be lonely?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. +Think I can’t exist an hour without you? Mr. +Conceited!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs and kisses +her</i>]. Come along. [<i>He takes the Doctor and his +younger Aunt towards the door</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>who +is following last</i>]. I like you in that frock.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. So +glad. It’s Ernest who attends to the fires, +isn’t it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Yes, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I wish you’d +send him up. [<i>At door—calls after them</i>] +Hope you’ll all enjoy yourselves!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>from the +distance</i>]. I shall put you on a fiver.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Mind it wins. +[<i>She listens a moment—closes door</i>, <i>comes back to +desk</i>, <i>and takes a Bradshaw</i>.] +Five-six-three—five-six-three. [<i>Finds +page</i>.] St. Pancras, eight o’clock. Oh, +Lord! Stamford, 10.45. Leave +Stamford—[<i>Ernest has entered</i>.] Is that you, +Ernest?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Shut the +door. Sure it went off last night, that telegram?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. If he doesn’t +catch that eight o’clock, he can’t get here till +nearly four. That will be awkward. [<i>To +Ernest</i>] What time is it now?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>looks at +clock</i>]. Twenty past eleven.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. If he does, +he’ll be here about twelve—I believe I’ll go +and meet him. Could I get out without being seen?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. You’ll have +to pass the lodge.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Who’s at the +lodge now?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Mother.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Damn!</p> +<p><i>Bennet has entered unnoticed and drawn near</i>. +<i>At this point from behind</i>, <i>he boxes Ernest’s +ears</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. Here, steady!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. On the occasions +when your cousin forgets her position, you will remember it and +remind her of it. Get out! [<i>Ernest</i>, +<i>clumsily as ever</i>, “<i>gets out</i>.”] A +sort of person has called who, according to his own account, +“happened to be passing this way,” and would like to +see you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>who has been trying to +hide the Bradshaw—with affected surprise</i>.] To see +me!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>drily</i>]. +Yes. I thought you would be surprised. He claims to +be an old friend of yours—Mr. George Newte.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still keeping it +up</i>]. George Newte! Of course—ah, yes. +Do you mind showing him up?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I thought I would +let you know he had arrived, in case you might be getting anxious +about him. I propose giving him a glass of beer and sending +him away again.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>flares up</i>]. +Look here, uncle, you and I have got to understand one +another. I may put up with being bullied myself—if I +can’t see any help for it—but I’m not going to +stand my friends being insulted. You show Mr. Newte up +here.</p> +<p><i>A silence</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I shall deem it my +duty to inform his lordship of Mr. Newte’s visit.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. There will be no +need to. Mr. Newte, if his arrangements permit, will be +staying to dinner.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. That, we shall see +about. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>following him to +door</i>]. And tell them I shall want the best bedroom got +ready in case Mr. Newte is able to stay the night. +I’ve done it. [<i>She goes to piano</i>, <i>dashes +into the</i> “<i>Merry Widow Waltz</i>,” <i>or some +other equally inappropriate but well-known melody</i>, <i>and +then there enters Newte</i>, <i>shown in by Bennet</i>. +<i>Newte is a cheerful person</i>, <i>attractively dressed in +clothes suggestive of a successful bookmaker</i>. <i>He +carries a white pot hat and tasselled cane</i>. <i>His +gloves are large and bright</i>. <i>He is smoking an +enormous cigar</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Mr. Newte.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she springs up and +greets him</i>. <i>They are evidently good +friends</i>]. Hulloa, George!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Hulloa, Fan—I +beg your pardon, Lady Bantock. [<i>Laughs</i>.] Was +just passing this way—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>cutting him +short</i>]. Yes. So nice of you to call.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I said to +myself—[<i>His eye catches Bennet</i>; <i>he +stops</i>.] Ah, thanks. [<i>He gives Bennet his hat +and stick</i>, <i>but Bennet does not seem satisfied</i>. +<i>He has taken from the table a small china tray</i>. +<i>This he is holding out to Newte</i>, <i>evidently for Newte to +put something in it</i>. <i>But what</i>? <i>Newte is +puzzled</i>, <i>he glances at Fanny</i>. <i>The idea +strikes him that perhaps it is a tip Bennet is waiting +for</i>. <i>It seems odd</i>, <i>but if it be the +custom—he puts his hand to his trousers pocket</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. The smoking-room +is on the ground-floor.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Ah, my cigar. +I beg your pardon. I couldn’t understand. +[<i>He puts it on the tray—breaks into a laugh</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Thank you. +Her ladyship is suffering from a headache. If I might +suggest—a little less boisterousness. [<i>He goes +out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he watches him +out</i>]. I say, your Lord Chamberlain’s a bit of a +freezer!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Wants +hanging out in the sun. How did you manage to get here so +early? [<i>She sits</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, your telegram +rather upset me. I thought—correct etiquette for me +to sit down here, do you think?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Don’t ask +me. Got enough new tricks of my own to learn. +[<i>Laughs</i>.] Should chance it, if I were you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Such a long time +since I was at Court. [<i>He sits</i>.] Yes, I was up +at five o’clock this morning.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. Oh, +you poor fellow!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Caught the first +train to Melton, and came on by cart. What’s the +trouble?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. A good deal. +Why didn’t you tell me what I was marrying?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I did. I told +you that he was a gentleman; that he—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why didn’t +you tell me that he was Lord Bantock? You knew, +didn’t you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>begins to see worries +ahead</i>]. Can’t object to my putting a cigar in my +mouth if I don’t light it—can he?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, light +it—anything you like that will help you to get along.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>bites the end off the +cigar and puts it between his teeth</i>. <i>This helps +him</i>]. No, I didn’t know—not officially.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What do you +mean—“not officially”?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. He never told +me.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He never told you +<i>anything</i>—for the matter of that. I understood +you had found out everything for yourself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Yes; and one of the +things I found out was that he didn’t <i>want</i> you to +know. I could see his little game. Wanted to play the +Lord Burleigh fake. Well, what was the harm? +Didn’t make any difference to you!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Didn’t make +any difference to me! [<i>Jumps up</i>.] Do you know +what I’ve done? Married into a family that keeps +twenty-three servants, every blessed one of whom is a near +relation of my own. [<i>He sits paralysed</i>. <i>She +goes on</i>.] That bald-headed old owl—[<i>with a +wave towards the door</i>]—that wanted to send you off with +a glass of beer and a flea in your ear—that’s my +uncle. The woman that opened the lodge gate for you is my +Aunt Amelia. The carroty-headed young man that answered the +door to you is my cousin Simeon. He always used to insist +on kissing me. I’m expecting him to begin +again. My “lady’s” maid is my cousin +Jane. That’s why I’m dressed like this! +My own clothes have been packed off to the local dressmaker to be +made “decent.” Meanwhile, they’ve dug up +the family vault to find something for me to go on with. +[<i>He has been fumbling in all his pockets for +matches</i>. <i>She snatches a box from somewhere and +flings it to him</i>.] For Heaven’s sake light +it! Then, perhaps, you’ll be able to do something +else than stare. I have claret and +water—mixed—with my dinner. Uncle pours it out +for me. They’ve locked up my cigarettes. Aunt +Susannah is coming in to-morrow morning to hear me say my +prayers. Doesn’t trust me by myself. Thinks +I’ll skip them. She’s the housekeeper +here. I’ve got to know them by heart before I go to +bed to-night, and now I’ve mislaid them. [<i>She goes +to the desk—hunts for them</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>having lighted his +eternal cigar</i>, <i>he can begin to think</i>]. But why +should <i>they</i>—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still at +desk</i>]. Because they’re that sort. They +honestly think they are doing the right and proper +thing—that Providence has put it into their hands to turn +me out a passable substitute for all a Lady Bantock should be; +which, so far as I can understand, is something between the late +lamented Queen Victoria and Goody-Two-Shoes. They are the +people that I ran away from, the people I’ve told you +about, the people I’ve always said I’d rather starve +than ever go back to. And here I am, plumped down in the +midst of them again—for life! [<i>Honoria Bennet</i>, +<i>the</i> “<i>still-room</i>” <i>maid</i>, <i>has +entered</i>. <i>She is a pert young minx of about +Fanny’s own age</i>.] What is is? What is +it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Merely passing +through. Sorry to have excited your ladyship. +[<i>Goes into dressing-room</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My cousin +Honoria. They’ve sent her up to keep an eye upon +me. Little cat! [<i>She takes her handkerchief</i>, +<i>drapes it over the keyhole of the dressing-room door</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>at sight of Honoria he +has jumped up and hastily hidden his cigar behind him</i>]. +What are you going to do?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she seats herself and +suggests to him the writing-chair</i>]. Hear from +you—first of all—exactly what you told Vernon.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>sitting</i>]. +About you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>nods</i>]. About +me—and my family.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. +Well—couldn’t tell him much, of course. +Wasn’t much to tell.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I want what you did +tell.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I told him that +your late father was a musician.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Had been +unfortunate. Didn’t go into particulars. +Didn’t seem to be any need for it. That your mother +had died when you were still only a girl and that you had gone to +live with relatives. [<i>He looks for approval</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. That you +hadn’t got on well with them—artistic temperament, +all that sort of thing—that, in consequence, you had +appealed to your father’s old theatrical friends; and that +they—that they, having regard to your talent—and +beauty—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Had decided that +the best thing you could do was to go upon the stage. +[<i>He finishes</i>, <i>tolerably well pleased with +himself</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s all +right. Very good indeed. What else?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>after an uncomfortable +pause</i>]. Well, that’s about all I knew.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, but what did +you <i>tell</i> him?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, of course, I +had to tell him something. A man doesn’t marry +without knowing just a little about his wife’s +connections. Wouldn’t be reasonable to expect +him. You’d never told me anything—never would; +except that you’d liked to have boiled the lot. What +was I to do? [<i>He is playing with a quill pen he has +picked up</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she takes it from +him</i>]. What <i>did</i> you do?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>with fine +frankness</i>]. I did the best I could for you, old girl, +and he was very nice about it. Said it was better than +he’d expected, and that I’d made him very +happy—very happy indeed.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she leans across</i>, +<i>puts her hand on his</i>]. You’re a dear, good +fellow, George—always have been. I wouldn’t +plague you only it is absolutely necessary I should +know—exactly what you did tell him.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>a little +sulkily</i>]. I told him that your uncle was a bishop.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>sits +back—staring at him</i>]. A what?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. A bishop. +Bishop of Waiapu, New Zealand.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why New +Zealand?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Why not? Had +to be somewhere. Didn’t want him Archbishop of +Canterbury, did you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Did he believe +it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Shouldn’t +have told him had there been any fear that he wouldn’t.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I see. Any +other swell relations of mine knocking about?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. One—a judge +of the Supreme Court in Ohio. Same name, anyhow, +O’Gorman. Thought I’d make him a cousin of +yours. I’ve always remembered him. Met him when +I was over there in ninety-eight—damn him!</p> +<p><i>A silence</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she rises</i>]. +Well, nothing else for it! Got to tell him it was all a +pack of lies. Not blaming you, old boy—my +fault. Didn’t know he was going to ask any questions, +or I’d have told him myself. Bit of bad luck, +that’s all.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Why must you tell +him? Only upset him.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It’s either +my telling him or leaving it for them to do. You know me, +George. How long do you see me being bossed and bullied by +my own servants? Besides, it’s bound to come out in +any case.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he rises</i>. +<i>Kindly but firmly he puts her back into her chair</i>. +<i>Then pacing to and fro with his hands mostly in his trousers +pockets</i>, <i>he talks</i>]. Now, you listen to me, old +girl. I’ve been your business manager ever since you +started in. I’ve never made a mistake +before—[<i>he turns and faces her</i>]—and I +haven’t made one this time.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I don’t +really see the smartness, George, stuffing him up with a lot of +lies he can find out for himself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. <i>If he wants +to</i>. A couple of telegrams, one to His Grace the Bishop +of Waiapu, the other to Judge Denis O’Gorman, Columbus, +Ohio, would have brought him back the information that neither +gentlemen had ever heard of you. <i>If he hadn’t been +careful not to send them</i>. He wasn’t marrying you +with the idea of strengthening his family connections. He +was marrying you because he was just gone on you. +Couldn’t help himself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. In that case, you +might just as well have told him the truth.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. <i>Which he would +then have had to pass on to everyone entitled to ask +questions</i>. Can’t you understand? Somebody, +in the interest of everybody, had to tell a lie. Well, +what’s a business manager for?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But I can’t +do it, George. You don’t know them. The longer +I give in to them the worse they’ll get.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Can’t you +square them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, that’s +the trouble. They <i>are</i> honest. They’re +the “faithful retainers” out of a melodrama. +They are working eighteen hours a day on me not for any advantage +to themselves, but because they think it their “duty” +to the family. They don’t seem to have any use for +themselves at all.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, what about +the boy? Can’t <i>he</i> talk to them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Vernon! +They’ve brought him up from a baby—spanked him all +round, I expect. Might as well ask a boy to talk to his old +schoolmaster. Besides, if he did talk, then it would all +come out. As I tell you, it’s bound to come +out—and the sooner the better.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. It must <i>not</i> +come out! It’s too late. If we had told him at +the beginning that he was proposing to marry into his own +butler’s family—well, it’s an awkward +situation—he might have decided to risk it. Or he +might have cried off.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And a good job if +he had.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Now talk +sense. You wanted him—you took a fancy to him from +the beginning. He’s a nice boy, and there’s +something owing to him. [<i>It is his trump card</i>, +<i>and he knows it</i>.] Don’t forget that. +He’s been busy, explaining to all his friends and relations +why they should receive you with open arms: really nice girl, +born gentlewoman, good old Church of England family—no +objection possible. For you to spring the truth upon him +<i>now</i>—well, it doesn’t seem to me quite fair to +<i>him</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Then am I to live +all my life dressed as a charity girl?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. You keep your head +and things will gradually right themselves. This family of +yours—they’ve got <i>some</i> sense, I suppose?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Never noticed any +sign of it myself.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Maybe you’re +not a judge. [<i>Laughs</i>.] They’ll listen to +reason. You let <i>me</i> have a talk to them, one of these +days; see if I can’t show them—first one and then the +other—the advantage of leaving to “better” +themselves—<i>with the help of a little ready +money</i>. Later on—choosing your proper +time—you can break it to him that you have discovered +they’re distant connections of yours, a younger branch of +the family that you’d forgotten. Give the show time +to settle down into a run. Then you can begin to make +changes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’ve a +wonderful way with you, George. It always sounds right as +you put it—even when one jolly well knows that it +isn’t.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, it’s +always been right for you, old girl, ain’t it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. +You’ve been a rattling good friend. [<i>She takes his +hands</i>.] Almost wish I’d married you +instead. We’d have been more suited to one +another.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>shakes his +head</i>]. Nothing like having your fancy. +You’d never have been happy without him. [<i>He +releases her</i>.] ’Twas a good engagement, or +I’d never have sanctioned it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I suppose it will +be the last one you will ever get me. [<i>She has dropped +for a moment into a brown study</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he turns</i>]. I +hope so.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she throws off her +momentary mood with a laugh</i>]. Poor fellow! You +never even got your commission.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I’ll take ten +per cent. of all your happiness, old girl. So make it as +much as you can for my benefit. Good-bye. [<i>He +holds out hand</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’re not +going? You’ll stop to lunch?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Not to-day.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Do. If you +don’t, they’ll think it’s because I was +frightened to ask you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. All the +better. The more the other party thinks he’s having +his way, the easier always to get your own. Your trouble +is, you know, that you never had any tact.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I hate tact. +[<i>Newte laughs</i>.] We could have had such a jolly +little lunch together. I’m all alone till the +evening. There were ever so many things I wanted to talk to +you about.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. What?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Ah, how can one +talk to a man with his watch in his hand? [<i>He puts it +away and stands waiting</i>, <i>but she is cross</i>.] I +think you’re very disagreeable.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I must really get +back to town. I oughtn’t to be away now, only your +telegram—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I know. +I’m an ungrateful little beast! [<i>She crosses and +rings bell</i>.] You’ll have a glass of champagne +before you go?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, I won’t +say no to that.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. How are all the +girls?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Oh, chirpy. +I’m bringing them over to London. We open at the +Palace next week.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What did they think +of my marriage? Gerty was a bit jealous, wasn’t +she?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, would have +been, if she’d known who he was. [<i>Laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Tell her. +Tell her [<i>she draws herself up</i>] I’m Lady Bantock, of +Bantock Hall, Rutlandshire. It will make her so mad. +[<i>Laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. I +will.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Give them all my +love. [<i>Ernest appears in answer to her bell</i>.] +Oh, Ernest, tell Bennet—[<i>the eyes and mouth of Ernest +open</i>]—to see that Mr. Newte has some refreshment before +he leaves. A glass of champagne and—and some +caviare. Don’t forget. [<i>Ernest goes +out</i>.] Good-bye. You’ll come again?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Whenever you want +me—and remember—the watchword is +“Tact”!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, I’ve got +the <i>word</i> all right. [<i>Laughs</i>.] +Don’t forget to give my love to the girls.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. I +won’t. So long! [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><i>Fanny closes the door</i>. <i>Honoria has re-entered +from the dressing-room</i>. <i>She looks from the +handkerchief still hanging over the keyhole to Fanny</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Your +ladyship’s handkerchief?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Such a +draught through that keyhole.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>takes the +handkerchief</i>, <i>hands it to Fanny</i>]. I will tell +the housekeeper.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks. Maybe +you will also mention it to the butler. Possibly also to +the—[<i>She suddenly changes</i>.] Honoria. +Suppose it had been you—you know, you’re awfully +pretty—who had married Lord Bantock, and he had brought you +back here, among them all—uncle, aunt, all the lot of +them—what would you have done?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>she draws herself +up</i>]. I should have made it quite plain from the first, +that I was mistress, and that they were my servants.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You would, you +think—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span> [<i>checking her +outburst</i>]. But then, dear—you will excuse my +speaking plainly—there is a slight difference between the +two cases. [<i>She seats herself on the settee</i>. +<i>Fanny is standing near the desk</i>.] You see, what we +all feel about you, dear, is—that you are—well, +hardly a fit wife for his lordship. [<i>Fanny’s hands +are itching to box the girl’s ears</i>. <i>To save +herself</i>, <i>she grinds out through her teeth the word</i> +“<i>Tack</i>!”] Of course, dear, it isn’t +altogether your fault.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Your +mother’s marriage was most unfortunate.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her efforts to +suppress her feelings are just—but only +just—successful</i>.] Need we discuss that?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. Well, he was an +Irishman, dear, there’s no denying it. [<i>Fanny +takes a cushion from a chair—with her back to Honoria</i>, +<i>she strangles it</i>. <i>Jane has entered and is +listening</i>.] Still, perhaps it is a painful +subject. And we hope—all of us—that, with time +and patience, we may succeed in eradicating the natural results +of your bringing-up.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">JANE</span>. Some families, +finding themselves in our position, would seek to turn it to +their own advantage. <i>We</i> think only of your good.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, that’s +what I feel—that you are worrying yourselves too much about +me. You’re too conscientious, all of you. You, +in particular, Jane, because you know you’re not +strong. <i>You’ll</i> end up with a nervous +breakdown. [<i>Mrs. Bennet has entered</i>. +<i>Honoria slips out</i>. <i>Fanny turns to her +aunt</i>.] I was just saying how anxious I’m getting +about Jane. I don’t like the look of her at +all. What she wants is a holiday. Don’t you +agree with me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. There will be +no holiday, I fear, for any of us, for many a long day.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. But you must. +You must think more of yourselves, you know. +<i>You’re</i> not looking well, aunt, at all. What +you both want is a month—at the seaside.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your object +is too painfully apparent for the subject to need +discussion. True solicitude for us would express itself +better in greater watchfulness upon your own behaviour.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why, what have I +done?</p> +<p><i>Bennet enters</i>, <i>followed</i>, <i>unwillingly</i>, +<i>by Ernest</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your uncle +will explain.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Shut that +door. [<i>Ernest does so</i>. <i>They group round +Bennet—Ernest a little behind</i>. <i>Fanny remains +near the desk</i>.] Sit down. [<i>Fanny</i>, +<i>bewildered</i>, <i>speechless</i>, <i>sits</i>.] Carry +your mind back, please, to the moment when, with the Bradshaw in +front of you, you were considering, with the help of your cousin +Ernest, the possibility of your slipping out unobserved, to meet +and commune with a person you had surreptitiously summoned to +visit you during your husband’s absence.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. While I think of +it, did he have anything to eat before he went? I told +Ernest to—ask you to see that he had a glass of champagne +and a—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>waves her back into +silence</i>]. Mr. Newte was given refreshment suitable to +his station. [<i>She goes to interrupt</i>. <i>Again +he waves her back</i>.] We are speaking of more important +matters. Your cousin reminded you that you would have to +pass the lodge, occupied by your Aunt Amelia. I state the +case correctly?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Beautifully!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I said nothing at +the time, doubting the evidence of my own ears. The boy, +however—where is the boy?—[<i>Ernest is pushed +forward</i>]—has admitted—reluctantly—that he +also heard it. [<i>A pause</i>. <i>The solemnity +deepens</i>.] You made use of an expression—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, cut it +short. I said “damn.” [<i>A shudder +passes</i>.] I’m sorry to have frightened you, but if +you knew a little more of really good society, you would know +that ladies—quite slap-up ladies—when they’re +excited, do—.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>interrupting +with almost a scream</i>]. She defends it!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You will allow +<i>me</i> to be the judge of what a <i>lady</i> says, even when +she is excited. As for this man, Newte—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The best friend you +ever had. [<i>She is</i> “<i>up</i>” +<i>again</i>.] You thank your stars, all of you, and tell +the others, too, the whole blessed twenty-three of you—you +thank your stars that I did “surreptitiously” beg and +pray him to run down by the first train and have a talk with me; +and that Providence was kind enough to <i>you</i> to enable him +to come. It’s a very different tune you’d have +been singing at this moment—all of you—if he +hadn’t. I can tell you that.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. And pray, +what tune <i>should</i> we have been singing if Providence +hadn’t been so thoughtful of us?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is about to +answer</i>, <i>then checks herself</i>, <i>and sits +again</i>]. You take care you don’t find out. +There’s time yet.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. We had better +leave her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Threats, my good +girl, will not help you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>with a +laugh</i>]. She’s in too tight a corner for that.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. A contrite heart +is what your aunt and I desire to see. [<i>He takes from +his pocket a small book</i>, <i>places it open on the +desk</i>.] I have marked one or two passages, on pages +93–7. We will discuss them together—later in +the day.</p> +<p><i>They troop out in silence</i>, <i>the key turns in the +lock</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>takes up the +book—turns to the cover</i>, <i>reads</i>]. +“The Sinner’s Manual.” [<i>She turns to +page</i> 93.]</p> +<p style="text-align: center">[<span +class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p> +<h2><i>ACT III</i></h2> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p> +<p><i>The same</i>.</p> +<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>A few days later</i>.</p> +<p><i>A table is laid for tea</i>. <i>Ernest enters with +the tea-urn</i>. <i>He leaves the door open</i>; <i>through +it comes the sound of an harmonium</i>, <i>accompanying the +singing of a hymn</i>. <i>Fanny comes from her +dressing-room</i>. <i>She is dressed more cheerfully than +when we last saw her</i>, <i>but still</i> +“<i>seemly</i>.” <i>She has a book in her +hand</i>. <i>She pauses</i>, <i>hearing the music</i>, +<i>goes nearer to the open door</i>, <i>and listens</i>; <i>then +crosses and takes her place at the table</i>. <i>The music +ceases</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Another prayer +meeting? [<i>Ernest nods</i>.] I do keep ’em +busy.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. D’ye know +what they call you downstairs?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. The family +cross.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m afraid +it’s about right.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. What have you been +doing <i>this</i> time? Swearing again?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Worse. +I’ve been lying. [<i>Ernest gives vent to a low +whistle</i>.] Said I didn’t know what had become of +that yellow poplin with the black lace flounces, that +they’ve had altered for me. Found out that I’d +given it to old Mother Potts for the rummage sale at the +Vicarage. Jane was down there. Bought it in for half +a crown.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. You are +risky. Why, you might have known—</p> +<p><i>Vernon comes in</i>. <i>He is in golfing +get-up</i>. <i>He throws his cap on to the settee</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Hello, got a cup +of tea there?</p> +<p><i>Ernest goes out</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Thought +you were playing golf?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Just had a +telegram handed to me in the village—from your friend +Newte. Wants me to meet him at Melton Station at five +o’clock. [<i>Looks at his watch</i>.] Know what +he wants?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Haven’t the +faintest idea. [<i>She hands him his cup</i>.] Is he +coming <i>here</i>? Or merely on his way somewhere?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I don’t +know; he doesn’t say.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Don’t let him +mix you up in any of his “ventures.” Dear old +George, he’s as honest as the day, but if he gets hold of +an “idea” there’s always thousands in it for +everybody.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I’ll be +careful. [<i>Ernest has left the door open</i>. +<i>The harmonium breaks forth again</i>, <i>together with vocal +accompaniment as before</i>.] What’s on downstairs, +then—a party?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Bennet is holding a +prayer meeting.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. A prayer +meeting?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One of the younger +members of the family has been detected “telling a +deliberate lie.” [<i>Vernon is near the door +listening</i>, <i>with his back towards her</i>, <i>or he would +see that she is smiling</i>.] Black sheep, I suppose, to be +found in every flock. [<i>Music ceases</i>, <i>Ernest +having arrived with the news of his lordship’s +return</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>returning to the +table</i>, <i>having closed the door</i>]. Good old man, +you know, Bennet. All of them! So +high-principled! Don’t often get servants like that, +nowadays.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Seems almost +selfish, keeping the whole collection to ourselves.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. +’Pon my word it does. But what can we do? +They’ll never leave us—not one of them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, I don’t +believe they ever will.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Do you know, I +sometimes think that you don’t like them. [<i>Fanny +makes a movement</i>.] Of course, they are a bit bossy, I +admit. But all that comes from their devotion, +their—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. The wonder to me is +that, brought up among them, admiring them as you do, you never +thought of marrying one of them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>staggered</i>.] +Marrying them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I didn’t say +“them.” I said “<i>one</i> of +them.” There’s Honoria. She’s +pretty enough, anyhow. So’s Alice, Charles +Bennet’s daughter, and Bertha and Grace—all of them +beautiful. And what’s even better +still—good. [<i>She says it viciously</i>.] +Didn’t you ever think of them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well +[<i>laughs</i>]—well, one hardly marries into one’s +own kitchen.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Isn’t that +rather snobbish? You say they’re more like friends +than servants. They’ve lived with your people, side +by side, for three generations, doing their duty, +honourably. There’s never been a slur upon their +name. They’re “high-principled.” +You know it. They’ve better manners than nine-tenths +of your smart society, and they’re healthy. +What’s wrong with them—even from a lord’s point +of view?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>recovering +himself</i>]. Well, don’t pitch into me about +it. It’s your fault if I didn’t marry +them—I mean one of them. [<i>He laughs</i>, <i>puts +his empty cup back on the table</i>.] Maybe I’d have +thought about it—if I hadn’t met you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>takes his hand in +hers</i>]. I wish you hadn’t asked Newte any +questions about me. It would have been so nice to feel that +you had married me—just because you couldn’t help +it—just because I was I and nothing else mattered.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Let’s forget +I ever did. [<i>He kneels beside her</i>.] I +didn’t do it for my own sake, as you know. A +<i>man</i> in my position has to think of other people. His +wife has to take her place in society. People insist upon +knowing something about her. It’s not enough for the +stupid “County” that she’s the cleverest, most +bewilderingly beautiful, bewitching lady in the land.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And how long will +you think all that?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. For ever, and +ever, and ever.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, you dear +boy. [<i>She kisses him</i>.] You don’t know +how a woman loves the man she loves to love her. +[<i>Laughs</i>.] Isn’t that complicated?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Not at all. +We’re just the same. We love to love the woman we +love.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Provided the +“County” will let us. And the County has said: +A man may not marry his butler’s niece.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughing</i>]. +You’ve got butlers on the brain. If ever I do run +away with my own cook or under-housemaid, it will be your +doing.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You haven’t +the pluck! The “County” would laugh at +you. You men are so frightened of being laughed at.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he rises</i>]. +Well, if it saves us from making asses of ourselves—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Wasn’t there +a niece of old Bennet’s, a girl who had been brought up +abroad, and who <i>wasn’t</i> a domestic +servant—never had been—who stayed with them here, at +the gardener’s cottage, for a short time, some few years +ago?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You mean poor Rose +Bennet’s daughter—the one who ran away and married an +organ-grinder.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. An +organ-grinder?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Something of that +sort—yes. They had her over; did all they +could. A crazy sort of girl; used to sing French ballads on +the village green to all the farm labourers she could +collect. Shortened poor Bennet’s life by about ten +years. [<i>Laughs</i>.] But why? Not going to +bully me for not having fallen in love with her, are you? +Because that really <i>wasn’t</i> my fault. I never +even saw her. ’Twas the winter we spent in +Rome. She bolted before we got back. Never gave me a +chance.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I accept the +excuse. [<i>Laughs</i>.] No, I was merely wondering +what the “County” would have done if by any chance +you had married <i>her</i>. Couldn’t have said you +were marrying into your own kitchen in her case, because she was +never <i>in</i> your kitchen—absolutely refused to enter +it, I’m told.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. It +would have been a “nice point,” as they say in legal +circles. If people had liked her, they’d have tried +to forget that her cousins had ever been scullery-maids. If +not, they’d have taken good care that nobody did.</p> +<p><i>Bennet enters</i>. <i>He brings some cut flowers</i>, +<i>with the</i> “<i>placing</i>” <i>of which he +occupies himself</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I did not know +your lordship had returned.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Found a telegram +waiting for me in the village. What’s become of that +niece of yours, Bennet—your sister Rose’s daughter, +who was here for a short time and ran away again? Ever hear +anything about her?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>very quietly he +turns</i>, <i>lets his eyes for a moment meet +Fanny’s</i>. <i>Then answers as he crosses to the +windows</i>]. The last I heard about her was that she was +married.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. +Satisfactorily?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Looking at it from +her point of view—most satisfactorily.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. +But looking at it from his—more doubtful?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. She was not +without her attractions. Her chief faults, I am inclined to +think, were those arising from want of discipline in youth. +I have hopes that it is not even yet too late to root out from +her nature the weeds of indiscretion.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. And you think he +is the man to do it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Perhaps not. +But fortunately there are those about her fully alive to the duty +devolving upon them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Um. Sounds a +little bit like penal servitude for the poor girl, the way you +put it, Bennet.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Even penal +servitude may be a blessing, if it serves to correct a stubborn +spirit.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We’ll have +to make you a J.P., Bennet. Must be jolly careful I +don’t ever get tried before you. +[<i>Laughs</i>.] Is that the cart?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he looks out through +the window</i>]. Yes, your lordship.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he takes up his +cap</i>]. I may be bringing someone back with me. +[<i>To Fanny</i>, <i>who throughout has remained +seated</i>.] Why not put on your hat—come with +me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she jumps up</i>, +<i>delighted</i>]. Shall I?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Your ladyship is +not forgetting that to-day is Wednesday?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What’s the +odds. There’s nobody to call. Everybody is +still in town.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It has always been +the custom of the Lady Bantocks, when in residence, to be at home +on Wednesdays.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Perhaps better +not. It may cause talk; if, by chance, anybody does +come. I was forgetting it was Wednesday. [<i>Fanny +sits again</i>.] I shan’t do anything without +consulting you. Good-bye.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good-bye.</p> +<p><i>Vernon goes out</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You think it wise, +discussing with his lordship the secret history of the Bennet +family?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What do you mean by +telling him my father was an organ-grinder? If the British +public knew the difference between music and a hurdy-gurdy, he +would have kept a butler of his own.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I am not aware of +having mentioned to his lordship that you ever to my knowledge +even had a father. It is not my plan—for the present +at all events—to inform his lordship anything about your +family. Take care I am not forced to.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Because my father, +a composer who had his work performed at the Lamoureux +Concerts—as I can prove, because I’ve got the +programme—had the misfortune to marry into a family of +lackeys—I’m not talking about my mother: she was +never really one of you. <i>She</i> had the soul of an +artist.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>white with suppressed +fury</i>; <i>he is in front of her</i>; <i>his very look is +enough to silence her</i>]. Now you listen to me, my girl, +once and for all. I told you the night of your arrival that +whether this business was going to prove a pleasant or an +unpleasant one depended upon you. You make it an easy +one—for your own sake. With one word I can bring your +house of cards about your ears. I’ve only to tell him +the truth for him to know you as a cheat and liar. [<i>She +goes to speak</i>; <i>again he silences her</i>.] You +listen to me. You’ve seen fit to use strong language; +now I’m using strong language. This <i>boy</i>, who +has married you in a moment of impulse, what does <i>he</i> know +about the sort of wife a man in his position needs? What do +<i>you</i>? made to sing for your living on the Paris +boulevards—whose only acquaintance with the upper classes +has been at shady restaurants.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He didn’t +<i>want</i> a woman of his own class. He told me so. +It was because I wasn’t a colourless, conventional puppet +with a book of etiquette in place of a soul that he was first +drawn towards me.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Yes. At +twenty-two, boys like unconventionality. Men don’t: +they’ve learnt its true name, vulgarity. Do you think +I’ve stood behind English society for forty years without +learning anything about it! What you call a colourless +puppet is what <i>we</i> call an English lady. And that +you’ve got to learn to be. You talk of +“lackeys.” If your mother, my poor sister Rose, +came from a family of “lackeys” there would be no +hope for you. With her blood in your veins the thing can be +done. We Bennets—[<i>he draws himself +up</i>]—we serve. We are not lackeys.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. All right. +Don’t you call my father an organ-grinder, and I +won’t call you lackeys. Unfortunately that +doesn’t end the trouble.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. The trouble can +easily be ended.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. By my +submitting to be ruled in all things for the remainder of my life +by my own servants.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Say +“relations,” and it need not sound so unpleasant.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes, it +would. It would sound worse. One can get rid of +one’s servants. [<i>She has crossed towards the +desk</i>. <i>Her cheque-book lies there half hidden under +other papers</i>. <i>It catches her eye</i>. <i>Her +hand steals unconsciously towards it</i>. <i>She taps it +idly with her fingers</i>. <i>It is all the work of a +moment</i>. <i>Nothing comes of it</i>. <i>Just the +idea passes through her brain—not for the first +time</i>. <i>She does nothing noticeable—merely +stands listless while one might count half a dozen—then +turns to him again</i>.] Don’t you think you’re +going it a bit too strong, all of you? I’m not a +fool. I’ve got a lot to learn, I know. +I’d be grateful for help. What you’re trying to +do is to turn me into a new woman entirely.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Because that is +the only <i>way</i> to help you. Men do not put new wine +into old bottles.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, don’t +begin quoting Scripture. I want to discuss the thing +sensibly. Don’t you see it can’t be done? +I can’t be anybody else than myself. I don’t +want to.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My girl, +you’ve <i>got</i> to be. Root and branch, inside and +outside, before you’re fit to be Lady Bantock, mother of +the Lord Bantocks that are to be, you’ve got to be a +changed woman.</p> +<p><i>A pause</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. And it’s +going to be your job, from beginning to end—yours and the +rest of you. What I wear and how I look is Jane’s +affair. My prayers will be for what Aunt Susannah thinks I +stand in need of. What I eat and drink and say and do +<i>you</i> will arrange for me. And when you die, Cousin +Simeon, I suppose, will take your place. And when Aunt +Susannah dies, it will merely be a change to Aunt Amelia. +And if Jane ever dies, Honoria will have the dressing and the +lecturing of me. And so on and so on, world without end, +for ever and ever, Amen.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Before that time, +you will, I shall hope, have learnt sufficient sense to be +grateful to us. [<i>He goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she turns—walks +slowly back towards the tea-table</i>. <i>Halfway she +pauses</i>, <i>and leaning over the back of a chair regards in +silence for a while the portrait of the first Lady +Bantock</i>]. I do wish I could tell what you were +saying.</p> +<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell come +in</i>. <i>They wear the same frocks that they wore in the +first act</i>. <i>They pause</i>. <i>Fanny is still +gazing at the portrait</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Don’t you notice it, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Yes. There really is.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It struck me the first day. [<i>To Fanny</i>, <i>who has +turned</i>] Your likeness, dear, to Lady Constance. +It’s really quite remarkable.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You think so?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. It’s your expression—when you +are serious.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughs</i>]. I +must try to be more serious.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It will come, dear.</p> +<p><i>They take their places side by side on the settee</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>to her sister</i>, <i>with a pat of the hand</i>]. In +good time. It’s so nice to have her young. I +wonder if anybody’ll come this afternoon.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>to +Fanny</i>]. You see, dear, most of the county people are +still in town.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>who is pouring out +tea</i>]. I’m not grumbling.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Oh, you’ll like them, dear. The Cracklethorpes +especially. [<i>To her sister for confirmation</i>] +Bella Cracklethorpe is so clever.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And the Engells. She’ll like +the Engells. All the Engell girls are so pretty. +[<i>Fanny brings over two cups of tea</i>.] Thank you, +dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>as +she takes her cup—patting Fanny’s hand</i>]. +And they’ll like you, dear, <i>all</i> of them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>returning to +table</i>]. I hope so.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It’s wonderful, dear—you won’t mind my saying +it?—how you’ve improved.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Of course it was such a change for +you. And at first [<i>turns to her sister</i>] we were a +little anxious about her, weren’t we?</p> +<p><i>Fanny has returned to them with the cake-basket</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>as +she takes a piece</i>]. Bennet [<i>she lingers on the name +as that of an authority</i>] was saying only yesterday that he +had great hopes of you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>Fanny is handing the basket to her</i>]. Thank you, +dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I told Vernon. He was <i>so</i> pleased.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. <i>Vernon</i> +was?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +He attaches so much importance to Bennet’s opinion.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Um. I’m +glad I appear to be giving satisfaction. [<i>She has +returned to her seat at the table</i>.] I suppose when you +go to town, you take the Bennets with you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>surprised at the question</i>]. Of course, dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Vernon didn’t wish to go this +year. He thought you would prefer—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I was merely +thinking of when he did. Do you ever go abroad for the +winter? So many people do, nowadays.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We tried it once. But there was nothing for dear Vernon to +do. You see, he’s so fond of hunting.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>to her sister</i>]. And then there will be his +Parliamentary duties that he will have to take up now.</p> +<p><i>Fanny rises</i>, <i>abruptly</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You’re not ill, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No. Merely +felt I wanted some air. You don’t mind, do you? +[<i>She flings a casement open</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Not at all, dear. [<i>To her +sister</i>] It <i>is</i> a bit close.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +One could really do without fires.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. If it wasn’t for the evenings.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +And then, of course, the cold weather might come again. One +can never feel safe until—</p> +<p><i>The door opens</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle enters</i>, +<i>announced by Bennet</i>. <i>The old ladies go to +rise</i>. <i>He stops them</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Don’t get up. [<i>He shakes hands with +them</i>.] How are we this afternoon? [<i>He shakes +his head and clicks his tongue</i>.] Really, I think I +shall have to bring an action for damages against Lady +Bantock. Ever since she—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Hush! [<i>She points to the window</i>.] Fanny.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Here’s Doctor Freemantle.</p> +<p><i>Fanny comes from the window</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he meets her +and takes her hand</i>]. Was just saying, I really think I +shall have to claim damages against you, Lady Bantock. +You’ve practically deprived me of two of my best paying +patients. Used to be sending for me every other day before +you came. Now look at them! [<i>The two ladies +laugh</i>.] She’s not as bad as we expected. +[<i>He pats her hand</i>.] Do you remember my description +of what I thought she was going to be like?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. She’s a dear girl.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Bennet—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she has crossed to +table—is pouring out the Doctor’s tea</i>]. Oh, +mightn’t we have a holiday from Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>laughs</i>]. Seems to be having a holiday himself +to-day.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. A holiday?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Didn’t you know? Oh, there’s an awfully swagger +party on downstairs. They were all trooping in as I +came.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. I’d no idea he was giving a +party. [<i>To Fanny</i>] Did you, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she hands the Doctor +his tea</i>]. Yes. It’s a prayer meeting. +The whole family, I expect, has been summoned.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. A prayer +meeting! Didn’t look like it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +But why should he be holding a prayer meeting?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, one of the +family—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. And why +twelve girls in a van?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. In a van?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. One of +Hutton’s from the Station Hotel—with a big poster +pinned on the door: “Our Empire.”</p> +<p><i>Fanny has risen</i>. <i>She crosses and rings the +bell</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. What’s the matter, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m not quite +sure yet. [<i>Her whole manner is changed</i>. <i>A +look has come into her eyes that has not been there +before</i>. <i>She speaks in quiet</i>, <i>determined +tones</i>. <i>She rings again</i>. <i>Then returning +to table</i>, <i>hands the cake-basket to the Doctor</i>.] +Won’t you take one, Doctor? They’re not as +indigestible as they look. [<i>Laughs</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he also is +bewildered at the changed atmosphere</i>]. Thank you. +I hope I—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she turns to +Ernest</i>, <i>who has entered</i>. <i>Her tone</i>, <i>for +the first time</i>, <i>is that of a mistress speaking to her +servants</i>]. Have any visitors called for me this +afternoon?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. +Vi-visitors—?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Some ladies.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span> [<i>he is in a slough of +doubt and terror</i>]. L—ladies?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Please +try to understand the English language. Has a party of +ladies called here this afternoon?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. There have been +some ladies. They—we—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Where are they?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ERNEST</span>. +They—I—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Send Bennet up to +me. Instantly, please.</p> +<p><i>Ernest</i>, <i>only too glad to be off</i>, <i>stumbles +out</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. My dear—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You’ll take +some more tea, won’t you? Do you mind, Doctor, +passing Miss Wetherell’s cup? And the other +one. Thank you. And will you pass them the +biscuits? You see, I am doing all I can on your +behalf. [<i>She is talking and laughing—a little +hysterically—for the purpose of filling time</i>.] +Tea and hot cake—could anything be worse for them?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Well, tea, +you know—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I know. +[<i>Laughs</i>.] You doctors are all alike. You all +denounce it, but you all drink it. [<i>She hands him the +two cups</i>.] That one is for Aunt Wetherell of the +beautiful hair; and the other is for Aunt Wetherell of the +beautiful eyes. [<i>Laughs</i>.] It’s the only +way I can distinguish them.</p> +<p><i>Bennet enters</i>.</p> +<p>Oh, Bennet!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. You sent for +me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. I +understand some ladies have called.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think your +ladyship must have been misinformed. I most certainly have +seen none.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I have to assume, +Bennet, that either Dr. Freemantle or you are telling lies.</p> +<p><i>A silence</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. A party of +over-dressed young women, claiming to be acquainted with your +ladyship, have arrived in a van. I am giving them tea in +the servants’ hall, and will see to it that they are sent +back to the station in ample time to catch their train back to +town.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Please show them +up. They will have their tea here.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>her very quietness is +beginning to alarm him</i>. <i>It shakes him from his +customary perfection of manners</i>]. The Lady Bantocks do +not as a rule receive circus girls in their boudoir.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>still with her +alarming quietness</i>]. Neither do they argue with their +servants. Please show these ladies in.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I warn +you—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You heard my +orders. [<i>Her tone has the right ring</i>. <i>The +force of habit is too strong upon him</i>. <i>He +yields—savagely—and goes out</i>. <i>She turns +to the Doctor</i>.] So sorry I had to drag you into +it. I didn’t see how else I was going to floor +him.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Splendid! [<i>He grips her hand</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she goes to the old +ladies who sit bewildered terrified</i>.] They won’t +be here for more than a few minutes—they can’t +be. I want you to be nice to them—both of you. +They are friends of mine. [<i>She turns to the +Doctor</i>.] They’re the girls I used to act +with. We went all over Europe—twelve of +us—representing the British Empire. They are playing +in London now.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +To-night? [<i>He looks at his watch</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she is busy at the +tea-table</i>]. Yes. They are on the stage at half +past nine. You might look out their train for them. +[<i>She points to the Bradshaw on the desk</i>.] I +don’t suppose they’ve ever thought about how +they’re going to get back. It’s Judy’s +inspiration, this, the whole thing; I’d bet upon it. +[<i>With a laugh</i>.] She always was as mad as a March +hare.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>busy with the +Bradshaw</i>]. They were nice-looking girls.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. I think +we did the old man credit. [<i>With a laugh</i>.] +John Bull’s daughters, they called us in Paris.</p> +<p><i>Bennet appears in doorway</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>announces</i>]. +“Our Empire.”</p> +<p><i>Headed by</i> “<i>England</i>,” <i>the twelve +girls</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>crowding</i>, <i>jostling one +another</i>, <i>talking all together</i>, <i>swoop in</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>a lady with a +decided Cockney accent</i>]. Oh, my dear, talk about an +afternoon! We ’ave ’ad a treat getting +’ere.</p> +<p><i>Fanny kisses her</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">SCOTLAND</span> [<i>they also +kiss</i>]. Your boss told us you’d gone out.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. It was a +slight—misunderstanding. Bennet, take away these +things, please. And let me have half a dozen bottles of +champagne.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">STRAITS SETTLEMENTS</span> [<i>a small +girl at the back of the crowd—with a shrill +voice</i>]. Hooray!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is controlling +himself with the supremest difficulty</i>. <i>Within he is +a furnace</i>]. I’m afraid I have mislaid the key of +the cellar.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she looks at +him</i>]. You will please find it—quickly. +[<i>Bennet</i>, <i>again from habit</i>, <i>yields</i>. +<i>But his control almost fails him</i>. <i>He takes up the +tray of unneeded tea-things from the table</i>.] I shall +want some more of all these [<i>cakes</i>, <i>fruit</i>, +<i>sandwiches</i>, <i>etc.</i>]. And some people to +wait. Tell Jane she must come and help.</p> +<p><i>Bennet goes out</i>. <i>During this passage of arms +between mistress and man a momentary lull has taken place in the +hubbub</i>. <i>As he goes out</i>, <i>it begins to grow +again</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. ’E does +tease yer, don’t ’e? Wanted us to ’ave +tea in the kitchen.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. These +old family servants—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">AFRICA</span> [<i>she prides herself on +being</i> “<i>quite the lady</i>”]. Don’t +talk about ’em, dear. We had just such another. +[<i>She turns to a girl near her</i>.] Oh, they’ll +run the whole show for you if you let ’em.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. It was +Judy’s idea, our giving you this little treat. +Don’t you blime me for it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>a small</i>, +<i>sprightly girl with a childish</i>, <i>laughing +voice</i>]. Well, we were all together with nothing better +to do. They’d called a rehearsal and then found they +didn’t want us—silly fools. I told ’em +you’d just be tickled to death.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>laughing—kisses +her</i>]. So I am. It was a brilliant idea. +[<i>By this time she has kissed or shaken hands with the whole +dozen</i>.] I can’t introduce you all singly; it +would take too long. [<i>She makes a wholesale affair of +it</i>.] My aunts, the Misses Wetherell—Dr. +Freemantle.</p> +<p><i>The Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>suggesting two mice being +introduced to a party of friendly kittens</i>, <i>standing</i>, +<i>clinging to one another</i>, <i>murmur something +inaudible</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>who is with +them to comfort them—he has got rid of the time-table</i>, +<i>discreetly—smiles</i>]. Delighted.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Charmed. +[<i>The others join in</i>, <i>turning it into a +chorus</i>. <i>To Fanny</i>] Glad we didn’t +strike one of your busy days. I say, you’re not as +dressy as you used to be. ’Ow are they doing +you?—all right?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. Oh, +yes.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span> +[“<i>Gerty</i>,” <i>a big</i>, <i>handsome girl</i>, +<i>with a loud</i>, <i>commanding voice</i>]. George gave +me your message.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>puzzled at +first</i>]. My message? +[<i>Remembering—laughs</i>.] Oh. That I was +Lady Bantock of Bantock Hall. Yes. I thought +you’d be pleased.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Was delighted, +dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. So glad.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. I’d always +had the idea that you were going to make a mess of your +marriage.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. What a funny +idea! [<i>But the laugh that accompanies it is not a merry +one</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Wasn’t +it? So glad I was wrong.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span>. We’re all of +us looking out for lords in disguise, now. Can’t you +give us a tip, dear, how to tell ’em?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">SCOTLAND</span>. Sukey has broken +it off with her boy. Found he was mixed up in trade.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">STRAITS SETTLEMENTS</span> [<i>as +before</i>, <i>unseen at back of crowd</i>]. No. I +didn’t. ’Twas his moral character.</p> +<p><i>Then enter Honoria with glasses on a tray</i>; <i>Ernest +with champagne</i>; <i>Jane with eatables</i>; <i>Bennet with a +napkin</i>. <i>It is a grim procession</i>. <i>The +girls are scattered</i>, <i>laughing</i>, <i>talking</i>: +<i>Africa to the Misses Wetherell</i>; <i>a couple to Dr. +Freemantle</i>. <i>England</i>, <i>Scotland</i>, +<i>Wales</i>, <i>and Canada are with Fanny</i>. <i>The +hubbub</i>, <i>with the advent of the refreshments</i>, +<i>increases</i>. <i>There is a general movement towards +the refreshments</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thanks, +Bennet. You can clear away a corner of the desk.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>aside to +her</i>]. Go easy with it, dear. [<i>Fanny</i>, +<i>smiling</i>, <i>nods</i>. <i>She directs operations in a +low tone to the Bennets</i>, <i>who take her orders in grim +silence and with lips tight shut</i>.] Don’t forget, +girls, that we’ve got to get back to-night. [<i>Aside +to the Doctor</i>, <i>who has come forward to help</i>.] +Some of ’em, you know, ain’t used to it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> +[<i>nods</i>]. Glasses not <i>too</i> full. [<i>He +whispers to Fanny</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span> [<i>a decided young +woman</i>]. How much time have we got?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Don’t ask +me. It’s Judy’s show.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>mimicking +Newte</i>]. The return train, ladies, leaves Oakham +station. [<i>Stops—she is facing the clock</i>. +<i>She begins to laugh</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. What’s the +matter?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">WALES</span> [<i>still +laughing</i>]. We’ve got just quarter of an hour to +catch it.</p> +<p><i>There is a wild rush for the refreshments</i>. +<i>Jane is swept off her feet</i>. <i>Bennet’s tray +is upset</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. +Quarter—! Oh, my Gawd! Here, tuck up your +skirts, girls. We’ll have to—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It’s +all right. You’ve got plenty of time, ladies. +There’s a train from Norton on the branch line at +5.33. Gets you into London at a quarter to nine.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. You’re +<i>sure</i>?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he has his +watch in his hand</i>]. Quite sure. The station is +only half a mile away.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Don’t +let’s miss it. Keep your watch in your ’and, +there’s a dear.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her business +is—and has been—to move quietly through the +throng</i>, <i>making the girls welcome</i>, <i>talking</i>, +<i>laughing with them</i>, <i>directing the servants—all in +a lady’s way</i>. <i>On the whole she does it +remarkably well</i>. <i>She is offering a plate of fruit to +Judy</i>]. You’re a nice acting manager, you +are. [<i>Judy laughs</i>. <i>Fanny finds herself in +front of Ireland</i>. <i>She turns to England</i>.] +Won’t you introduce us?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. I beg your +pardon, dear. Of course, you don’t know each +other. Miss Tetsworth, our new Ireland, Lady Bantock. +It is “Bantock,” isn’t it, dear?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Quite right. +It’s a good little part, isn’t it?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span>. Well, depends +upon what you’ve been used to.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. She’s got +talent, as I tell ’er. But she ain’t you, +dear. It’s no good saying she is.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>hastening to smooth it +over</i>]. People always speak so well of us after +we’re gone. [<i>Laughs</i>.] You’ll take +another glass of champagne.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">IRELAND</span>. Thank +you—you made a great success, they tell me, in the +part.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, there’s a +deal of fluke about these things. You see, I had the +advantage—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>with watch +still in his hand</i>]. I <i>think</i>, ladies—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Come on, +girls.</p> +<p><i>A general movement</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You must all come +again—spend a whole day—some Sunday.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">CANADA</span>. Remember me to +Vernon.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He’ll be so +sorry to have—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span> [<i>cutting +in</i>]. ’Ope we ’aven’t upset you, +dear. [<i>She is bustling them all up</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Not at all. +[<i>She is kissing the girls</i>.] It’s been so good +to see you all again.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. ’Urry up, +girls, there’s dears. [<i>To Fanny</i>] +Good-bye, dear. [<i>Kissing her</i>.] We <i>do</i> +miss yer.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I’m glad you +do.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">ENGLAND</span>. Oh, it +ain’t the same show. [<i>The others are crowding out +of the door</i>. <i>She and Fanny are quite +apart</i>.] No chance of your coming back to it, I +suppose? [<i>A moment</i>.] Well, there, you never +know, do yer? Good-bye, dear. [<i>Kisses her +again</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good-bye! +[<i>She stands watching them out</i>. <i>Bennet goes down +with them</i>. <i>Ernest is busy collecting +debris</i>. <i>Jane and Honoria stand one each side of the +table</i>, <i>rigid</i>, <i>with set faces</i>. <i>After a +moment Fanny goes to the open window</i>. <i>The voices of +the girls below</i>, <i>crowding into the van</i>, <i>come up +into the room</i>. <i>She calls down to them</i>.] +Good-bye. You’ve plenty of time. What? +Yes, of course. [<i>Laughs</i>.] All right. +Good-bye. [<i>She turns</i>, <i>comes slowly +back</i>. <i>She looks at Jane and Honoria</i>, <i>where +they stand rigid</i>. <i>Honoria makes a movement with her +shoulders—takes a step towards the door</i>.] +Honoria! [<i>Honoria stops—slowly turns</i>.] +You can take away these glasses. Jane will help you.</p> +<p><i>Bennet has reappeared</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">HONORIA</span>. It’s not my +place—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Your place is to +obey my orders.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>his coolness seems to +have deserted him</i>. <i>His voice is +trembling</i>]. Obey her ladyship’s orders, both of +you. Leave the rest to me. [<i>Honoria and Jane busy +themselves</i>, <i>with Ernest setting the room to +rights</i>.] May I speak with your ladyship?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Certainly.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Alone, I mean.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I see no need.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>her firmness takes +him aback</i>. <i>He expected to find her defiance +disappear with the cause of it</i>. <i>But pig-headed</i>, +<i>as all Bennets</i>, <i>her opposition only drives him +on</i>]. Your ladyship is not forgetting the +alternative?</p> +<p><i>The Misses Wetherell have been watching the argument much +as the babes in the wood might have watched the discussion +between the two robbers</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>in +terror</i>]. Bennet! you’re not going to give +notice!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. What my duty may +be, I shall be able to decide after I have spoken with her +ladyship—alone.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Dear! You will see him?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I am sorry. I +have not the time.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. No. Of course. [<i>Appealing +to Bennet for mercy</i>] Her ladyship is tired. +To-morrow—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> +[<i>interrupting</i>]. Neither to-morrow—nor any +other day. [<i>Vernon enters</i>, <i>followed by +Newte</i>. <i>She advances to meet them</i>.] +You’ve just missed some old friends of yours. [<i>She +shakes hands with Newte</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. So it seems. +We were hoping to have been in time. [<i>To +Newte</i>] The mare came along pretty slick, didn’t +she?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he has remained with +his look fixed all the time on Fanny</i>]. May I speak with +your lordship a moment—in private?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Now?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. It is a matter +that needs to be settled now. [<i>It is the tone of +respectful authority he has always used towards the lad</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Well, if +it’s as pressing as all that I suppose you must. +[<i>He makes a movement towards the door</i>. <i>To +Newte</i>] Shan’t be long.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One moment. +[<i>Vernon stops</i>.] I may be able to render the +interview needless. Who is mistress of this house?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Who is +mistress?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Who is mistress of +your house?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Why, you are, of +course.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Thank you. +[<i>She turns to Bennet</i>] Please tell Mrs. Bennet I want +her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. I think if your +lordship—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. At once. +[<i>She is looking at him</i>. <i>He struggles—looks +at Vernon</i>. <i>But Vernon is evidently inclined to +support Fanny</i>. <i>Bennet goes out</i>. <i>She +crosses and seats herself at the desk</i>. <i>She takes +from a drawer some neatly folded papers</i>. <i>She busies +herself with figures</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he crosses to his +Aunts</i>]. Whatever’s the matter?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +She is excited. She has had a very trying time.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Bennet didn’t like the idea of her +receiving them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. It was that minx +Judy’s doing. They’ll have the rough side of my +tongue when I get back—all of them.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What does she want +with Mrs. Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +I can’t think.</p> +<p><i>The atmosphere is somewhat that of a sheepfold before a +thunderstorm</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell are still +clinging to one another</i>. <i>Vernon and Dr. Freemantle +are both watching Fanny</i>. <i>Jane</i>, <i>Honoria</i>, +<i>and Ernest are still busy about the room</i>.</p> +<p><i>Suddenly</i>, <i>to Newte—who is standing +apart—the whole thing comes with a rush</i>. <i>But +it is too late for him to interfere</i>.</p> +<p><i>Mrs. Bennet</i>, <i>followed by Bennet</i>, <i>are entering +the room</i>. <i>He shrugs his shoulders and turns +away</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span>. Your ladyship +sent for me?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes. [<i>She +half turns—holds out a paper</i>.] This wages sheet +is quite correct, I take it? It is your own.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">MRS. BENNET</span> [<i>she takes +it</i>]. Quite correct.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she tears out a cheque +she has written—hands it to Mrs. Bennet</i>]. You +will find there two months’ wages for the entire +family. I have made it out in a lump sum payable to your +husband. The other month is in lieu of notice. [<i>A +silence</i>. <i>The thing strikes them all dumb</i>. +<i>She puts the cheque-book back and closes the drawer</i>. +<i>She rises</i>.] I’m sorry. There’s +been a misunderstanding. It’s time that it +ended. It has been my own fault. [<i>To +Vernon</i>] I deceived you about my family—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. If there’s +been any deceit—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. My scene, please, +George. [<i>Newte</i>, <i>knowing her</i>, <i>returns to +silence</i>.] I have no relations outside this country that +I know of. My uncle is Martin Bennet, your butler. +Mrs. Bennet is my aunt. I’m not ashamed of +them. If they’d had as much respect for me as I have +for them, this trouble would not have arisen. We +don’t get on together, that’s all. And this +seems to me the only way out. As I said before, I’m +sorry.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>recovering +speech</i>]. But why did you—?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>her control gives +way</i>. <i>She breaks out</i>]. Oh, because +I’ve been a fool. It’s the explanation of most +people’s muddles, I expect, if they only knew it. +Don’t talk to me, anybody. I’ve got nothing +more to say. [<i>To Bennet</i>] I’m +sorry. You wouldn’t give me a chance. I’d +have met you half way. [<i>To Mrs. Bennet</i>] +I’m sorry. Don’t be too hard on me. It +won’t mean much trouble to you. Good servants +don’t go begging. You can depend upon me for a +character. [<i>To Jane</i>] You’ll do much +better for yourselves elsewhere. [<i>To Honoria</i>] +Don’t let that pretty face of yours ever get you into +trouble. [<i>To Ernest</i>] Good-bye, Ernest. +We were always pals, weren’t we? Good-bye. +[<i>She kisses him</i>. <i>It has all been the work of a +moment</i>. <i>She comes down again</i>.] Don’t +think me rude, but I’d like to be alone. We can talk +calmly about it all to-morrow morning. [<i>To the Misses +Wetherell</i>] I’m so awfully sorry. I wish I +could have seen any other way out. [<i>The tears are +streaming from her eyes</i>. <i>To Vernon</i>] Take +them all away, won’t you, dear? We’ll talk +about it all to-morrow. I’ll feel gooder. +[<i>She kisses him</i>. <i>To Dr. Freemantle</i>] +Take them all away. Tell him it wasn’t all my +fault. [<i>To Newte</i>] You’ll have to stop +the night. There are no more trains. I’ll see +you in the morning. Good night.</p> +<p><i>Bennet has collected his troop</i>. <i>Leads them +away</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle</i>, <i>kindly and helpful</i>, +<i>takes off Vernon and the two ladies</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he grips her hand</i>, +<i>and speaks in his short</i>, <i>growling way</i>]. Good +night, old girl. [<i>He follows the others out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>crosses towards the +windows</i>. <i>Her chief business is dabbing her +eyes</i>. <i>The door closes with a click</i>. <i>She +turns</i>. <i>She puts her handkerchief away</i>. +<i>She looks at the portrait of Constance</i>, <i>first Lady +Bantock</i>]. I believe it’s what you’ve been +telling me to do, all the time.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">[<span +class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p> +<h2><i>ACT IV</i></h2> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>SCENE</i></p> +<p><i>The same</i>. <i>The blinds are down</i>. +<i>Ashes fill the grate</i>.</p> +<p><i>Time</i>.—<i>Early the next morning</i>.</p> +<p><i>The door opens softly</i>. <i>Newte steals +in</i>. <i>He fumbles his way across to the windows</i>, +<i>draws the blinds</i>. <i>The morning sun streams +in</i>. <i>He listens—no one seems to be +stirring</i>. <i>He goes out</i>, <i>returns immediately +with a butler’s tray</i>, <i>containing all things +necessary for a breakfast and the lighting of a fire</i>. +<i>He places the tray on table</i>, <i>throws his coat over a +chair</i>, <i>and is on his knees busy lighting the fire</i>, +<i>when enter the Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>clad in dressing-gowns +and caps</i>: <i>yet still they continue to look sweet</i>. +<i>They also creep in</i>, <i>hand in hand</i>. <i>The +crouching Newte is hidden by a hanging fire-screen</i>. +<i>They creep forward till the coat hanging over the chair +catches their eye</i>. <i>They are staring at it as +Robinson Crusoe might at the footprint</i>, <i>when Newte rises +suddenly and turns</i>. <i>The Misses Wetherell give a +suppressed scream</i>, <i>and are preparing for flight</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he stays +them</i>]. No call to run away, ladies. When a +man’s travelled—as I have—across America, in a +sleeping-car, with a comic-opera troop, there’s not much +left for him to know. You want your breakfast! [<i>He +wheedles them to the table</i>.] We’ll be able to +talk cosily—before anybody else comes.</p> +<p><i>They yield themselves</i>. <i>He has a way with +him</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We haven’t slept all night.</p> +<p><i>Newte answers with a sympathetic gesture</i>. <i>He +is busy getting ready the breakfast</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. There’s something we want to tell +dear Vernon—before he says anything to Fanny.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +It’s something very important.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. We’ll have a +cup of tea first—to steady our nerves.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. It’s so important that we should +tell him before he sees Fanny.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. We’ll see to +it. [<i>He makes the tea</i>.] I fancy they’re +both asleep at present.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Poor boy!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. If she only hadn’t—</p> +<p><i>Dr. Freemantle has entered</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I thought +I heard somebody stirring—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Hush! [<i>He +indicates doors</i>, <i>the one leading to her ladyship’s +apartments</i>, <i>the other to his lordship’s</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>turning and greeting him</i>]. It was so kind of you +not to leave us last night.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We were so upset.</p> +<p><i>Dr. Freemantle pats their hands</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We hope you slept all right.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Excellently. Shall be glad of a shave, that’s +all. [<i>Laughs</i>. <i>Both he and Newte suggest the +want of one</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>who has been +officiating</i>]. Help yourself to milk and sugar.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>who has +seated himself</i>]. Have the Bennets gone?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Well, they had +their notice all right.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>they have begun to cry</i>]. It has been so wrong and +foolish of us. We have never learnt to do anything for +ourselves.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We don’t even know where our things are.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. They +can’t all have gone—the whole twenty-three of them, +at a couple of hours’ notice. [<i>To Newte</i>] +Haven’t seen any of them, have you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. No sign of any of +them downstairs.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh, they +must be still here. Not up, I suppose. It isn’t +seven o’clock yet.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. But they have all been discharged. +We can’t ask them to do anything.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> [<i>to +her sister</i>]. And the Grimstones are coming to lunch +with the new curate. Vernon asked them on Sunday.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. Perhaps there’s something cold.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Vernon so dislikes a cold lunch.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>to +Newte</i>]. Were you able to get hold of Vernon last +night?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Waited up till he +came in about two o’clock. Merely answered that he +wasn’t in a talkative mood—brushed past me and locked +himself in.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. He +wouldn’t say anything to me either. Rather a bad sign +when he won’t talk.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. What’s he +likely to do?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +Don’t know. Of course it will be all over the +county.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And dear Vernon is so sensitive.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. It had to +come—the misfortune <i>is</i>—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. The misfortune +<i>is</i> that people won’t keep to their own line of +business. Why did he want to come fooling around her? +She was doing well for herself. She could have married a +man who would have thought more of her than all the damn fools in +the county put together. Why couldn’t he have left +her alone?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>he is sitting +at the head of the table</i>, <i>between Newte on his right and +the Misses Wetherell on his left</i>. <i>He lays his hand +on Newte’s sleeve—with a smile</i>]. I’m +sure you can forgive a man—with eyes and ears in his +head—for having fallen in love with her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Then why +doesn’t he stand by her? What if her uncle is a +butler? If he wasn’t a fool, he’d be thanking +his stars that ’twas anything half as respectable.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. I’m +not defending him—we’re not sure yet that he needs +any defence. He has married a clever, charming girl +of—as you say—a better family than he’d any +right to expect. The misfortune is, that—by a curious +bit of ill-luck—it happens to be his own butler.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. If she takes my +advice, she’ll return to the stage. No sense stopping +where you’re not wanted.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. But how can she?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +You see, they’re married!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span> [<i>to change the +subject</i>]. You’ll take an egg?</p> +<p><i>Newte has been boiling some</i>. <i>He has just +served them</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>rejecting it</i>]. Thank you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We’re not feeling hungry.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +He was so fond of her.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. She was so pretty.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +And so thoughtful.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. One would never have known she was an +actress.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +If only she hadn’t—</p> +<p><i>Bennet has entered</i>. <i>Newte is at +fireplace</i>. <i>The old ladies have their backs to the +door</i>. <i>Dr. Freemantle</i>, <i>who is pouring out +tea</i>, <i>is the first to see him</i>. <i>He puts down +the teapot</i>, <i>staring</i>. <i>The old ladies look +round</i>. <i>A silence</i>. <i>Newte +turns</i>. <i>Bennet is again the perfect butler</i>. +<i>Yesterday would seem to have been wiped out of his +memory</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Good morning, Miss +Wetherell. Good morning, Miss Edith. [<i>To the two +men</i>] Good morning. I was not aware that breakfast +was required to be any earlier than usual, or I should have had +it ready.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We are sure you would, Bennet. But +you see, under the circumstances, we—we hardly liked to +trouble you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he goes about the +room</i>, <i>putting things to rights</i>. <i>He has rung +the bell</i>. <i>Some dead flowers he packs on to +Newte’s tray</i>, <i>the water he pours into Newte’s +slop-basin</i>]. My duty, Miss Edith, I have never felt to +be a trouble to me.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +We know, Bennet. You have always been so +conscientious. But, of course, after what’s +happened—[<i>They are on the verge of tears again</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>he is piling up the +breakfast things</i>]. Keziah requested me to apologise to +you for not having heard your bell this morning. She will +be ready to wait upon you in a very few minutes. [<i>To the +Doctor</i>] You will find shaving materials, doctor, on +your dressing-table.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. Oh, thank +you.</p> +<p><i>Ernest has entered</i>, <i>with some wood</i>; <i>he is +going towards the fire</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span> [<i>to Ernest</i>]. +Leave the fire for the present. Take away this tray. +[<i>Ernest takes up the tray</i>, <i>and goes out</i>. +<i>Bennet speaks over the heads of the Misses Wetherell to +Newte</i>] Breakfast will be ready in the morning-room, in +a quarter of an hour.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>at first puzzled</i>, +<i>then indignant</i>, <i>now breaks out</i>]. What’s +the little game on here—eh? Yesterday afternoon you +were given the sack—by your mistress, Lady Bantock, with a +month’s wages in lieu of notice—not an hour before +you deserved it. What do you mean, going on like this, as +if nothing had happened? Is Lady Bantock to be ignored in +this house as if she didn’t exist—or is she +not? [<i>He brings his fist down on the table</i>. +<i>He has been shouting rather than speaking</i>.] I want +this thing settled!</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. Your bath, Mr. +Newte, is quite ready.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>as soon as he can +recover speech</i>]. Never you mind my bath, I +want—</p> +<p><i>Vernon has entered</i>. <i>He is pale</i>, +<i>heavy-eyed</i>, <i>short in his manner</i>, +<i>listless</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good +morning—everybody. Can I have some breakfast, +Bennet?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. In about ten +minutes; I will bring it up here. [<i>He collects the +kettle from the fire as he passes</i>, <i>and goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Thank you. +[<i>He responds mechanically to the kisses of his two aunts</i>, +<i>who have risen and come to him</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span>. Can I have a word +with you?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. A little later on, +if you don’t mind, Mr. Newte. [<i>He passes +him</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">NEWTE</span> [<i>he is about to +speak</i>, <i>changes his mind</i>]. All right, go your own +way. [<i>Goes out</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">DR. FREEMANTLE</span>. +“Remember”, says Marcus Aurelius—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes—good old +sort, Marcus Aurelius. [<i>He drops listlessly into a +chair</i>.]</p> +<p><i>Dr. Freemantle smiles resignedly</i>, <i>looks at the +Misses Wetherell</i>, <i>shrugs his shoulders</i>, <i>and goes +out</i>, <i>closing the door after him</i>.</p> +<p><i>The Misses Wetherell whisper together—look round +cautiously</i>, <i>steal up behind him</i>, <i>encouraging one +another</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +She’s so young.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. And so adaptable.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he is sitting</i>, +<i>bowed down</i>, <i>with his face in his hands</i>]. Ah, +it was the deception.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL</span> +[<i>she puts her old thin hand on his shoulder</i>]. What +would you have done, dear, if she had told you—at +first?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span> [<i>he takes her hand in +his—answers a little brokenly</i>]. I don’t +know.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +There’s something we wanted to tell you. [<i>He looks +at her</i>. <i>They look across at each other</i>.] +The first Lady Bantock, your great-grandmamma—</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. She danced with George III.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +She was a butcher’s daughter.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. He was quite a little butcher.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL</span>. +Of course, as a rule, dear, we never mention it.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">THE YOUNGER MISS +WETHERELL</span>. We felt you ought to know. [<i>They +take each other’s hands</i>; <i>on tip-toe they steal +out</i>. <i>They close the door softly behind +them</i>.]</p> +<p><i>Vernon rises</i>. <i>He looks at the +portrait—draws nearer to it</i>. <i>With his hands in +his pockets</i>, <i>stops dead in front of it</i>, <i>and +contemplates it in silence</i>. <i>The door of the +dressing-room opens</i>. <i>Fanny enters</i>. <i>She +is dressed for going out</i>. <i>She stands for a +moment</i>, <i>the door in her hand</i>. <i>Vernon +turns</i>. <i>She closes the door and comes +forward</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Good morning.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Good morning. +George stayed the night, didn’t he?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes. +He’s downstairs now.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. He won’t be +going for a little while?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Can’t till +the ten o’clock train. Have you had breakfast?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. I—I’ve +had something to eat. I’m sorry for what I did last +night—although they did deserve it. +[<i>Laughs</i>.] I suppose it’s a matter than can +easily be put right again.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. You have no +objection to their staying?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Why should I?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. What do you +mean?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. There’s only +one hope of righting a mistake. And that is going back to +the point from where one went wrong—and that was our +marriage.</p> +<p>[<i>A moment</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. We haven’t +given it a very long trial.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>with an odd +smile</i>]. It went to pieces at the first. I was in +trouble all last night; you must have known it. You left me +alone.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Jane told me you +had locked yourself in.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. You never tried the +door for yourself, dear. [<i>She pretends to rearrange +something on the mantelpiece—any excuse to turn away her +face for a moment</i>. <i>She turns to him again</i>, +<i>smiling</i>.] It was a mistake, the whole thing. +You were partly to blame. You were such a nice boy. I +“fancied” you—to use George’s +words. [<i>She laughs</i>.] And when a woman wants a +thing, she is apt to be a bit unscrupulous about how she gets +it. [<i>She moves about the room</i>, <i>touching the +flowers</i>, <i>rearranging a cushion</i>, <i>a vase</i>.] +I didn’t invent the bishop; that was George’s +embroidery. [<i>Another laugh</i>.] But, of course, I +ought to have told you everything myself. I ought not to +have wanted a man to whom it would have made one atom of +difference whether my cousins were scullery-maids or not. +Somehow, I felt that to you it might. [<i>Vernon +winces</i>.] It’s natural enough. You have a +big position to maintain. I didn’t know you were a +lord—that was your doing. George did find it out, but +he never told me; least of all, that you were Lord +Bantock—or you may be pretty sure I should have come out +with the truth, if only for my own sake. It hasn’t +been any joke for me, coming back here.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Yes. I can +see they’ve been making things pretty hard for you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Oh, they thought +they were doing their duty. [<i>He is seated</i>. +<i>She comes up behind him</i>, <i>puts her hands on his +shoulders</i>.] I want you to take them all back +again. I want to feel I have made as little commotion in +your life as possible. It was just a little mistake. +And everybody will say how fortunate it was that she took herself +off so soon with that—[<i>She was about to say</i> +“<i>that theatrical Johnny</i>,” <i>thinking of +Newte</i>. <i>She checks herself</i>.] And you will +marry somebody belonging to your own class. And those are +the only sensible marriages there are.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Have you done +talking?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. Yes! Yes, I +think that’s all.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Then perhaps +you’ll let me get in a word. You think me a +snob? [<i>Fanny makes a movement</i>.] As a matter of +fact, I am.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. No, that’s +not fair. You wouldn’t have married a girl off the +music-hall stage.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Niece of a bishop, +cousin to a judge. Whether I believed it or not, +doesn’t matter. The sham that isn’t likely to +be found out is as good as the truth, to a snob. If he had +told me your uncle was a butler, I should have hesitated. +That’s where the mistake began. We’ll go back +to that. Won’t you sit down? [<i>Fanny +sits</i>.] I want you to stop. There’ll be no +mistake this time. I’m asking my butler’s niece +to do me the honour to be my wife.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. That’s kind +of you.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Oh, I’m not +thinking of you. I’m thinking of myself. I want +you. I fell in love with you because you were pretty and +charming. There’s something else a man wants in his +wife besides that. I’ve found it. [<i>He jumps +up</i>, <i>goes over to her</i>, <i>brushing aside things in his +way</i>.] I’m not claiming it as a right; you can go +if you like. You can earn your own living, I know. +But you shan’t have anybody else. You’ll be +Lady Bantock and nobody else—as long as I live. +[<i>He has grown quite savage</i>.]</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she bites her lip to +keep back the smile that wants to come</i>]. That cuts both +ways, you know.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. I don’t want +anybody else.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she stretches out her +hand and lays it on his</i>]. Won’t it be too hard +for you? You’ll have to tell them all—your +friends—everybody.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. They’ve got +to be told in any case. If you are here, for them to see, +they’ll be able to understand—those that have got any +sense.</p> +<p><i>Bennet comes in with breakfast</i>, <i>for two</i>, <i>on a +tray</i>. <i>He places it on a table</i>.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span> [<i>she has risen</i>, +<i>she goes over to him</i>]. Good morning, uncle. +[<i>She puts up her face</i>. <i>He stares</i>, <i>but she +persists</i>. <i>Bennet kisses her</i>.] Lord +Bantock—[<i>she looks at Vernon</i>]—has a request to +make to you. He wishes me to remain here as his wife. +I am willing to do so, provided you give your consent.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">VERNON</span>. Quite right, +Bennet. I ought to have asked for it before. I +apologise. Will you give your consent to my marriage with +your niece?</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">FANNY</span>. One minute. +You understand what it means? From the moment you give +it—if you do give it—I shall be Lady Bantock, your +mistress.</p> +<p><span class="GutSmall">BENNET</span>. My dear +Fanny! My dear Vernon! I speak, for the first and +last time, as your uncle. I am an old-fashioned person, and +my ideas, I have been told, are those of my class. But +observation has impressed it upon me that success in any scheme +depends upon each person being fit for their place. +Yesterday, in the interests of you both, I should have refused my +consent. To-day, I give it with pleasure, feeling sure I am +handing over to Lord Bantock a wife in every way fit for her +position. [<i>Kissing her</i>, <i>he gives her to +Vernon</i>, <i>who grips his hand</i>. <i>He returns to the +table</i>.] Breakfast, your ladyship, is quite ready.</p> +<p><i>They take their places at the table</i>. <i>Fanny +takes off her hat</i>, <i>Bennet takes off the covers</i>.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">[<span +class="GutSmall">CURTAIN</span>]</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FANNY AND THE SERVANT PROBLEM***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 2829-h.htm or 2829-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/2/2829 + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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