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diff --git a/2797.txt b/2797.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..aa3fa1f --- /dev/null +++ b/2797.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2837 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Wolves and the Lamb, by William Makepeace Thackeray + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Wolves and the Lamb + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +Release Date: May 27, 2006 [EBook #2797] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB *** + + + + +Produced by Donald Lainson + + + + + +THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB + + +By William Makepeace Thackeray + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + MR. HORACE MILLIKEN, a Widower, a wealthy City Merchant. + GEORGE MILLIKEN, a Child, his Son. + CAPTAIN TOUCHIT, his Friend. + CLARENCE KICKLEBURY, brother to Milliken's late Wife. + JOHN HOWELL, M's Butler and confidential Servant. + CHARLES PAGE, Foot-boy. + BULKELEY, Lady Kicklebury's Servant. + MR. BONNINGTON. + Coachman, Cabman; a Bluecoat Boy, another Boy (Mrs. Prior's Sons). + + LADY KICKLEBURY, Mother-in-law to Milliken. + MRS. BONNINGTON, Milliken's Mother (married again). + MRS. PRIOR. + MISS PRIOR, her Daughter, Governess to Milliken's Children. + ARABELLA MILLIKEN, a Child. + MARY BARLOW, School-room Maid. + A grown-up Girl and Child of Mrs. Prior's, Lady K.'s Maid, Cook. + + + + +THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB. + + + + +ACT I. + + +Scene.--MILLIKEN'S villa at Richmond; two drawing-rooms opening into +one another. The late MRS. MILLIKEN'S portrait over the mantel-piece; +bookcases, writing-tables, piano, newspapers, a handsomely furnished +saloon. The back-room opens, with very large windows, on the lawn and +pleasure-ground; gate, and wall--over which the heads of a cab and a +carriage are seen, as persons arrive. Fruit, and a ladder on the walls. +A door to the dining-room, another to the sleeping-apartments, &c. + + +JOHN.--Everybody out; governor in the city; governess (heigh-ho!) +walking in the Park with the children; ladyship gone out in the +carriage. Let's sit down and have a look at the papers. Buttons fetch +the Morning Post out of Lady Kicklebury's room. Where's the Daily News, +sir? + +PAGE.--Think it's in Milliken's room. + +JOHN.--Milliken! you scoundrel! What do you mean by Milliken? Speak of +your employer as your governor if you like; but not as simple Milliken. +Confound your impudence! you'll be calling me Howell next. + +PAGE.--Well! I didn't know. YOU call him Milliken. + +JOHN.--Because I know him, because I'm intimate with him, because +there's not a secret he has but I may have it for the asking; because +the letters addressed to Horace Milliken, Esq., might as well be +addressed John Howell, Esq., for I read 'em, I put 'em away and docket +'em, and remember 'em. I know his affairs better than he does: his +income to a shilling, pay his tradesmen, wear his coats if I like. I +may call Mr. Milliken what I please; but not YOU, you little scamp of a +clod-hopping ploughboy. Know your station and do your business, or you +don't wear THEM buttons long, I promise you. [Exit Page.] + +Let me go on with the paper [reads]. How brilliant this writing is! +Times, Chronicle, Daily News, they're all good, blest if they ain't. How +much better the nine leaders in them three daily papers is, than nine +speeches in the House of Commons! Take a very best speech in the 'Ouse +now, and compare it with an article in The Times! I say, the newspaper +has the best of it for philosophy, for wit, novelty, good sense too. And +the party that writes the leading article is nobody, and the chap that +speaks in the House of Commons is a hero. Lord, Lord, how the world +is 'umbugged! Pop'lar representation! what IS pop'lar representation? +Dammy, it's a farce. Hallo! this article is stole! I remember a passage +in Montesquieu uncommonly like it. [Goes and gets the book. As he is +standing upon sofa to get it, and sitting down to read it, MISS PRIOR +and the Children have come in at the garden. Children pass across stage. +MISS PRIOR enters by open window, bringing flowers into the room.] + +JOHN.--It IS like it. [He slaps the book, and seeing MISS PRIOR who +enters, then jumps up from sofa, saying very respectfully,] + +JOHN.--I beg your pardon, Miss. + +MISS P.--[sarcastically.] Do I disturb you, Howell? + +JOHN.--Disturb! I have no right to say--a servant has no right to be +disturbed, but I hope I may be pardoned for venturing to look at +a volume in the libery, Miss, just in reference to a newspaper +harticle--that's all, Miss. + +MISS P.--You are very fortunate in finding anything to interest you in +the paper, I'm sure. + +JOHN.--Perhaps, Miss, you are not accustomed to political discussion, +and ignorant of--ah--I beg your pardon: a servant, I know, has no right +to speak. [Exit into dining-room, making a low bow.] + +MISS PRIOR.--The coolness of some people is really quite extraordinary! +the airs they give themselves, the way in which they answer one, the +books they read! Montesquieu: "Esprit des Lois!" [takes book up which +J. has left on sofa.] I believe the man has actually taken this from the +shelf. I am sure Mr. Milliken, or her ladyship, never would. The other +day "Helvetius" was found in Mr. Howell's pantry, forsooth! It is +wonderful how he picked up French whilst we were abroad. "Esprit des +Lois!" what is it? it must be dreadfully stupid. And as for reading +"Helvetius" (who, I suppose, was a Roman general), I really can't +understand how--Dear, dear! what airs these persons give themselves! +What will come next? A footman--I beg Mr. Howell's pardon--a butler +and confidential valet lolls on the drawing-room sofa, and reads +Montesquieu! Impudence! And add to this, he follows me for the last two +or three months with eyes that are quite horrid. What can the creature +mean? But I forgot--I am only a governess. A governess is not a lady--a +governess is but a servant--a governess is to work and walk all day with +the children, dine in the school-room, and come to the drawing-room to +play the man of the house to sleep. A governess is a domestic, only her +place is not the servants' hall, and she is paid not quite so well as +the butler who serves her her glass of wine. Odious! George! Arabella! +there are those little wretches quarrelling again! [Exit. Children are +heard calling out, and seen quarrelling in garden.] + +JOHN [re-entering].--See where she moves! grace is in all her steps. +'Eaven in her high--no--a-heaven in her heye, in every gesture dignity +and love--ah, I wish I could say it! I wish you may procure it, poor +fool! She passes by me--she tr-r-amples on me. Here's the chair she sets +in [kisses it.] Here's the piano she plays on. Pretty keys, them fingers +out-hivories you! When she plays on it, I stand and listen at the +drawing-room door, and my heart thr-obs in time! Fool, fool, fool! why +did you look on her, John Howell! why did you beat for her, busy heart! +You were tranquil till you knew her! I thought I could have been a-happy +with Mary till then. That girl's affection soothed me. Her conversation +didn't amuse me much, her ideers ain't exactly elevated, but they are +just and proper. Her attentions pleased me. She ever kep' the best cup +of tea for me. She crisped my buttered toast, or mixed my quiet tumbler +for me, as I sat of hevenings and read my newspaper in the kitching. She +respected the sanctaty of my pantry. When I was a-studying there, she +never interrupted me. She darned my stockings for me, she starched and +folded my chokers, and she sowed on the habsent buttons of which time +and chance had bereft my linning. She has a good heart, Mary has. I know +she'd get up and black the boots for me of the coldest winter mornings. +She did when we was in humbler life, she did. + +Enter MARY. + +You have a good heart, Mary! + +MARY.--Have I, dear John? [sadly.] + +JOHN.--Yes, child--yes. I think a better never beat in woman's bosom. +You're good to everybody--good to your parents whom you send half your +wages to: good to your employers whom you never robbed of a halfpenny. + +MARY [whimpering].--Yes, I did, John. I took the jelly when you were in +bed with the influenza; and brought you the pork-wine negus. + +JOHN.--Port, not pork, child. Pork is the hanimal which Jews ab'or. Port +is from Oporto in Portugal. + +MARY [still crying].--Yes, John; you know everything a'most, John. + +JOHN.--And you, poor child, but little! It's not heart you want, you +little trump, it's education, Mary: it's information: it's head, head, +head! You can't learn. You never can learn. Your ideers ain't no good. +You never can hinterchange em with mine. Conversation between us is +impossible. It's not your fault. Some people are born clever; some are +born tall, I ain't tall. + +MARY.--Ho! you're big enough for me, John. [Offers to take his hand.] + +JOHN.--Let go my 'and--my a-hand, Mary! I say, some people are born with +brains, and some with big figures. Look at that great ass, Bulkeley, +Lady K.'s man--the besotted, stupid beast! He's as big as a +life-guardsman, but he ain't no more education nor ideers than the ox he +feeds on. + +MARY.--Law, John, whatever do you mean? + +JOHN.--Hm! you know not, little one! you never can know. Have YOU ever +felt the pangs of imprisoned genius? have YOU ever felt what 'tis to be +a slave? + +MARY.--Not in a free country, I should hope, John Howell--no such a +thing. A place is a place, and I know mine, and am content with the +spear of life in which it pleases heaven to place me, John: and I wish +you were, and remembered what we learned from our parson when we went +to school together in dear old Pigeoncot, John--when you used to help +little Mary with her lessons, John, and fought Bob Brown, the big +butcher's boy, because he was rude to me, John, and he gave you that +black hi. + +JOHN.--Say eye, Mary, not heye [gently]. + +MARY.--Eye; and I thought you never looked better in all your life +than you did then: and we both took service at Squire Milliken's--me as +dairy-girl, and you as knife-boy; and good masters have they been to +us from our youth hup: both old Squire Milliken and Mr. Charles as is +master now, and poor Mrs. as is dead, though she had her tantrums--and I +thought we should save up and take the "Milliken Arms"--and now we have +saved up--and now, now, now--oh, you are a stone, a stone, a stone! +and I wish you were hung round my neck, and I were put down the well! +There's the hup-stairs bell. [She starts, changing her manner as she +hears the bell, and exit.] + +JOHN [looking after her].--It's all true. Gospel-true. We were children +in the same village--sat on the same form at school. And it was for her +sake that Bob Brown the butcher's boy whopped me. A black eye! I'm not +handsome. But if I were ugly, ugly as the Saracen's 'Ead, ugly as that +beast Bulkeley, I know it would be all the same to Mary. SHE has never +forgot the boy she loved, that brought birds'-nests for her, and +spent his halfpenny on cherries, and bought a fairing with his first +half-crown--a brooch it was, I remember, of two billing doves a-hopping +on one twig, and brought it home for little yellow-haired, blue-eyed, +red-cheeked Mary. Lord, Lord! I don't like to think how I've kissed 'em, +the pretty cheeks! they've got quite pale now with crying--and she has +never once reproached me, not once, the trump, the little tr-rump! + +Is it my fault [stamping] that Fate has separated us? Why did my young +master take me up to Oxford, and give me the run of his libery and the +society of the best scouts in the University? Why did he take me abroad? +Why have I been to Italy, France, Jummany with him--their manners noted +and their realms surveyed, by jingo! I've improved myself, and Mary has +remained as you was. I try a conversation, and she can't respond. She's +never got a word of poetry beyond Watt's Ims, and if I talk of Byron or +Moore to her, I'm blest if she knows anything more about 'em than the +cook, who is as hignorant as a pig, or that beast Bulkeley, Lady Kick's +footman. Above all, why, why did I see the woman upon whom my +wretched heart is fixed for ever, and who carries away my soul with +her--prostrate, I say, prostrate, through the mud at the skirts of her +gownd! Enslaver! why did I ever come near you? O enchantress Kelipso! +how you have got hold of me! It was Fate, Fate, Fate. When Mrs. Milliken +fell ill of scarlet fever at Naples, Milliken was away at Petersborough, +Rooshia, looking after his property. Her foring woman fled. Me and the +governess remained and nursed her and the children. We nursed the little +ones out of the fever. We buried their mother. We brought the children +home over Halp and Happenine. I nursed 'em all three. I tended 'em all +three, the orphans, and the lovely gu-gu-governess. At Rome, where she +took ill, I waited on her; as we went to Florence, had we been attacked +by twenty thousand brigands, this little arm had courage for them all! +And if I loved thee, Julia, was I wrong? and if I basked in thy beauty +day and night, Julia, am I not a man? and if, before this Peri, this +enchantress, this gazelle, I forgot poor little Mary Barlow, how could I +help it? I say, how the doose could I help it? + +Enter Lady KICKLEBURY, BULKELEY following with parcels and a spaniel. + +LADY K.--Are the children and the governess come home? + +JOHN.--Yes, my lady [in a perfectly altered tone]. + +LADY K.--Bulkeley, take those parcels to my sitting-room. + +JOHN.--Get up, old stoopid. Push along, old daddylonglegs [aside to +BULKELEY]. + +LADY K.--Does any one dine here to-day, Howell? + +JOHN.--Captain Touchit, my lady. + +LADY K.--He's always dining here. + +JOHN.--My master's oldest friend. + +LADY K.--Don't tell me. He comes from his club. He smells of smoke; he +is a low, vulgar person. Send Pinhorn up to me when you go down stairs. +[Exit Lady K.] + +JOHN.--I know. Send Pinhorn to me, means, Send my bonny brown hair, and +send my beautiful complexion, and send my figure--and, O Lord! O Lord! +what an old tigress that is! What an old Hector! How she do twist +Milliken round her thumb! He's born to be bullied by women: and I +remember him henpecked--let's see, ever since--ever since the time of +that little gloveress at Woodstock, whose picter poor Mrs. M. made such +a noise about when she found it in the lumber-room. Heh! HER picture +will be going into the lumber-room some day. M. must marry to get rid +of his mother-in-law and mother over him: no man can stand it, not M. +himself, who's a Job of a man. Isn't he, look at him! [As he has been +speaking, the bell has rung, the Page has run to the garden-door, and +MILLIKEN enters through the garden, laden with a hamper, band-box, and +cricket-bat.] + +MILLIKEN.--Why was the carriage not sent for me, Howell? There was no +cab at the station, and I have had to toil all the way up the hill with +these confounded parcels of my lady's. + +JOHN.--I suppose the shower took off all the cabs, sir. When DID a man +ever git a cab in a shower?--or a policeman at a pinch--or a friend when +you wanted him--or anything at the right time, sir? + +MILLIKEN.--But, sir, why didn't the carriage come, I say? + +JOHN.--YOU know. + +MILLIKEN.--How do you mean I know? confound your impudence! + +JOHN.--Lady Kicklebury took it--your mother-in-law took it--went out +a-visiting--Ham Common, Petersham, Twick'nam--doose knows where. She, +and her footman, and her span'l dog. + +MILLIKEN.--Well, sir, suppose her ladyship DID take the carriage? Hasn't +she a perfect right? And if the carriage was gone, I want to know, John, +why the devil the pony-chaise wasn't sent with the groom? Am I to bring +a bonnet-box and a hamper of fish in my own hands, I should like to +know? + +JOHN.--Heh! [laughs.] + +MILLIKEN.--Why do you grin, you Cheshire cat? + +JOHN.--Your mother-in-law had the carriage; and your mother sent for +the pony-chaise. Your Pa wanted to go and see the Wicar of Putney. Mr. +Bonnington don't like walking when he can ride. + +MILLIKEN.--And why shouldn't Mr. Bonnington ride, sir, as long as +there's a carriage in my stable? Mr. Bonnington has had the gout, sir! +Mr. Bonnington is a clergyman, and married to my mother. He has EVERY +title to my respect. + +JOHN.--And to your pony-chaise--yes, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--And to everything he likes in this house, sir. + +JOHN.--What a good fellow you are, sir! You'd give your head off your +shoulders, that you would. Is the fish for dinner to-day? Band-box +for my lady, I suppose, sir? [Looks in]--Turban, feathers, bugles, +marabouts, spangles--doose knows what. Yes, it's for her ladyship. +[To Page.] Charles, take this band-box to her ladyship's maid. [To his +master.] What sauce would you like with the turbot? Lobster sauce +or Hollandaise? Hollandaise is best--most wholesome for you. Anybody +besides Captain Touchit coming to dinner? + +MILLIKEN.--No one that I know of. + +JOHN.--Very good. Bring up a bottle of the brown hock? He likes the +brown hock, Touchit does. [Exit JOHN.] + +Enter Children. They run to MILLIKEN. + +BOTH.--How d'you do, Papa! How do you do, Papa! + +MILLIKEN.--Kiss your old father, Arabella. Come here, George--What? + +GEORGE.--Don't care for kissing--kissing's for gals. Have you brought me +that bat from London? + +MILLIKEN.--Yes. Here's the bat; and here's the ball [takes one from +pocket]--and-- + +GEORGE.--Where's the wickets, Papa. O-o-o--where's the wickets? [howls.] + +MILLIKEN.--My dear, darling boy! I left them at the office. What a silly +papa I was to forget them! Parkins forgot them. + +GEORGE.--Then turn him away, I say! Turn him away! [He stamps.] + +MILLIKEN.--What! an old, faithful clerk and servant of your father and +grandfather for thirty years past? An old man, who loves us all, and has +nothing but our pay to live on? + +ARABELLA.--Oh, you naughty boy! + +GEORGE.--I ain't a naughty boy. + +ARABELLA.--You are a naughty boy. + +GEORGE.--He! he! he! he! [Grins at her.] + +MILLIKEN.--Hush, children! Here, Arabella darling, here is a book for +you. Look--aren't they pretty pictures? + +ARABELLA.--Is it a story, Papa? I don't care for stories in general. +I like something instructive and serious. Grandmamma Bonnington and +grandpapa say-- + +GEORGE.--He's NOT your grandpapa. + +ARABELLA.--He IS my grandpapa. + +GEORGE.--Oh, you great story! Look! look! there's a cab. [Runs out. +The head of a Hansom cab is seen over the garden-gate. Bell rings. Page +comes. Altercation between Cabman and Captain TOUCHIT appears to go on, +during which] + +MILLIKEN.--Come and kiss your old father, Arabella. He's hungry for +kisses. + +ARABELLA.--Don't. I want to go and look at the cab; and to tell Captain +Touchit that he mustn't use naughty words. [Runs towards garden. Page is +seen carrying a carpet-bag.] + +Enter TOUCHIT through the open window smoking a cigar. + +TOUCHIT.--How d'ye do, Milliken? How are tallows, hey, my noble +merchant? I have brought my bag, and intend to sleep-- + +GEORGE.--I say, godpapa-- + +TOUCHIT.--Well, godson! + +GEORGE.--Give us a cigar! + +TOUCHIT.--Oh, you enfant terrible! + +MILLIKEN [wheezily].--Ah--ahem--George Touchit! you wouldn't +mind--a--smoking that cigar in the garden, would you? Ah--ah! + +TOUCHIT.--Hullo! What's in the wind now? You used to be a most +inveterate smoker, Horace. + +MILLIKEN.--The fact is--my mother-in-law--Lady Kicklebury--doesn't like +it, and while she's with us, you know-- + +TOUCHIT.--Of course, of course [throws away cigar]. I beg her ladyship's +pardon. I remember when you were courting her daughter she used not to +mind it. + +MILLIKEN.--Don't--don't allude to those times. [He looks up at his +wife's picture.] + +GEORGE.--My mamma was a Kicklebury. The Kickleburys are the oldest +family in all the world. My name is George Kicklebury Milliken, of +Pigeoncot, Hants; the Grove, Richmond, Surrey; and Portland Place, +London, Esquire--my name is. + +TOUCHIT.--You have forgotten Billiter Street, hemp and tallow merchant. + +GEORGE.--Oh, bother! I don't care about that. I shall leave that when +I'm a man: when I'm a man and come into my property. + +MILLIKEN.--You come into your property? + +GEORGE.--I shall, you know, when you're dead, Papa. I shall have this +house, and Pigeoncot; and the house in town--no, I don't mind about the +house in town--and I shan't let Bella live with me--no, I won't. + +BELLA.--No; I won't live with YOU. And I'LL have Pigeoncot. + +GEORGE.--You shan't have Pigeoncot. I'll have it: and the ponies: and I +won't let you ride them--and the dogs, and you shan't have even a +puppy to play with and the dairy and won't I have as much cream as I +like--that's all! + +TOUCHIT.--What a darling boy! Your children are brought up beautifully, +Milliken. It's quite delightful to see them together. + +GEORGE.--And I shall sink the name of Milliken, I shall. + +MILLIKEN.--Sink the name? why, George? + +GEORGE.--Because the Millikens are nobodies--grandmamma says they are +nobodies. The Kickleburys are gentlemen, and came over with William the +Conqueror. + +BELLA.--I know when that was. One thousand one hundred and one thousand +one hundred and onety-one! + +GEORGE.--Bother when they came over! But I know this, when I come into +the property I shall sink the name of Milliken. + +MILLIKEN.--So you are ashamed of your father's name, are you, George, my +boy? + +GEORGE.--Ashamed! No, I ain't ashamed. Only Kicklebury is sweller. I +know it is. Grandmamma says so. + +BELLA.--MY grandmamma does not say so. MY dear grandmamma says that +family pride is sinful, and all belongs to this wicked world; and that +in a very few years what our names are will not matter. + +GEORGE.--Yes, she says so because her father kept a shop; and so did +Pa's father keep a sort of shop--only Pa's a gentleman now. + +TOUCHIT.--Darling child! How I wish I were married! If I had such a dear +boy as you, George, do you know what I would give him? + +GEORGE [quite pleased].--What would you give him, god-papa? + +TOUCHIT.--I would give him as sound a flogging as ever boy had, my +darling. I would whip this nonsense out of him. I would send him to +school, where I would pray that he might be well thrashed: and if +when he came home he was still ashamed of his father, I would put him +apprentice to a chimney-sweep--that's what I would do. + +GEORGE.--I'm glad you're not my father, that's all. + +BELLA.--And I'M glad you're not my father, because you are a wicked man! + +MILLIKEN.--Arabella! + +BELLA.--Grandmamma says so. He is a worldly man, and the world is +wicked. And he goes to the play: and he smokes, and he says-- + +TOUCHIT.--Bella, what do I say? + +BELLA.--Oh, something dreadful! You know you do! I heard you say it to +the cabman. + +TOUCHIT.--So I did, so I did! He asked me fifteen shillings from +Piccadilly, and I told him to go to--to somebody whose name begins with +a D. + +CHILDREN.--Here's another carriage passing. + +BELLA.--The Lady Rumble's carriage. + +GEORGE.--No, it ain't: it's Captain Boxer's carriage [they run into the +garden]. + +TOUCHIT.--And this is the pass to which you have brought yourself, +Horace Milliken! Why, in your wife's time, it was better than this, my +poor fellow! + +MILLIKEN.--Don't speak of her in THAT way, George Touchit! + +TOUCHIT.--What have I said? I am only regretting her loss for our sake. +She tyrannized over you; turned your friends out of doors; took your +name out of your clubs; dragged you about from party to party, though +you can no more dance than a bear, and from opera to opera, though you +don't know "God Save the Queen" from "Rule Britannia." You don't, sir; +you know you don't. But Arabella was better than her mother, who has +taken possession of you since your widowhood. + +MILLIKEN.--My dear fellow! no, she hasn't. There's MY mother. + +TOUCHIT.--Yes, to be sure, there's Mrs. Bonnington, and they quarrel +over you like the two ladies over the baby before King Solomon. + +MILLIKEN.--Play the satirist, my good friend! laugh at my weakness! + +TOUCHIT.--I know you to be as plucky a fellow as ever stepped, Milliken, +when a man's in the case. I know you and I stood up to each other for an +hour and a half at Westminster. + +MILLIKEN.--Thank you! We were both dragons of war! tremendous champions! +Perhaps I am a little soft as regards women. I know my weakness well +enough; but in my case what is my remedy? Put yourself in my position. +Be a widower with two young children. What is more natural than that +the mother of my poor wife should come and superintend my family? My own +mother can't. She has a half-dozen of little half brothers and sisters, +and a husband of her own to attend to. I dare say Mr. Bonnington and my +mother will come to dinner to-day. + +TOUCHIT.--Of course they will, my poor old Milliken, you don't dare to +dine without them. + +MILLIKEN.--Don't go on in that manner, George Touchit! Why should not my +step-father and my mother dine with me? I can afford it. I am a domestic +man and like to see my relations about me. I am in the city all day. + +TOUCHIT.--Luckily for you. + +MILLIKEN.--And my pleasure of an evening is to sit under my own vine and +under my own fig-tree with my own olive-branches round about me; to sit +by my fire with my children at my knees: to coze over a snug bottle of +claret after dinner with a friend like you to share it; to see the young +folks at the breakfast-table of a morning, and to kiss them and so off +to business with a cheerful heart. This was my scheme in marrying, had +it pleased heaven to prosper my plan. When I was a boy and came from +school and college, I used to see Mr. Bonnington, my father-in-law, with +HIS young ones clustering round about him, so happy to be with him! so +eager to wait on him! all down on their little knees round my mother +before breakfast or jumping up on his after dinner. It was who should +reach his hat, and who should bring his coat, and who should fetch his +umbrella, and who should get the last kiss. + +TOUCHIT.--What? didn't he kiss YOU? Oh, the hard-hearted old ogre! + +MILLIKEN.--DON'T, Touchit! Don't laugh at Mr. Bonnington! he is as good +a fellow as ever breathed. Between you and me, as my half brothers and +sisters increased and multiplied year after year, I used to feel rather +lonely, rather bowled out, you understand. But I saw them so happy that +I longed to have a home of my own. When my mother proposed Arabella for +me (for she and Lady Kicklebury were immense friends at one time), I was +glad enough to give up clubs and bachelorhood, and to settle down as a +married man. My mother acted for the best. My poor wife's character, +my mother used to say, changed after marriage. I was not as happy as I +hoped to be; but I tried for it. George, I am not so comfortable now as +I might be. A house without a mistress, with two mothers-in-law reigning +over it--one worldly and aristocratic, another what you call serious, +though she don't mind a rubber of whist: I give you my honor my mother +plays a game at whist, and an uncommonly good game too--each woman +dragging over a child to her side: of course such a family cannot be +comfortable. [Bell rings.] There's the first dinner-bell. Go and dress, +for heaven's sake. + +TOUCHIT.--Why dress? There is no company! + +MILLIKEN.--Why? ah! her ladyship likes it, you see. And it costs nothing +to humor her. Quick, for she don't like to be kept waiting. + +TOUCHIT.--Horace Milliken! what a pity it is the law declares a widower +shall not marry his wife's mother! She would marry you else,--she would, +on my word. + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--I have took the Captain's things in the blue room, sir. [Exeunt +gentlemen, JOHN arranges tables, &c.] + +Ha! Mrs. Prior! I ain't partial to Mrs. Prior. I think she's an artful +old dodger, Mrs. Prior. I think there's mystery in her unfathomable +pockets, and schemes in the folds of her umbrella. But--but she's +Julia's mother, and for the beloved one's sake I am civil to her. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you Charles [to the Page, who has been seen to let +her in at the garden-gate], I am so much obliged to you! Good afternoon, +Mr. Howell. Is my daughter--are the darling children well? Oh, I am +quite tired and weary! Three horrid omnibuses were full, and I have had +to walk the whole weary long way. Ah, times are changed with me, Mr. +Howell. Once when I was young and strong, I had my husband's carriage to +ride in. + +JOHN [aside].--His carriage! his coal-wagon! I know well enough who old +Prior was. A merchant? yes, a pretty merchant! kep' a lodging-house, +share in a barge, touting for orders, and at last a snug little place in +the Gazette. + +MRS. PRIOR.--How is your cough, Mr. Howell? I have brought you some +lozenges for it [takes numberless articles from her pocket], and if +you would take them of a night and morning--oh, indeed, you would get +better! The late Sir Henry Halford recommended them to Mr. Prior. He +was his late Majesty's physician and ours. You know we have seen happier +times, Mr. Howell. Oh, I am quite tired and faint. + +JOHN.--Will you take anything before the school-room tea, ma'am? You +will stop to tea, I hope, with Miss Prior, and our young folks? + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you: a little glass of wine when one is so faint--a +little crumb of biscuit when one is so old and tired! I have not been +accustomed to want, you know; and in my poor dear Mr. Prior's time-- + +JOHN.--I'll fetch some wine, ma'am. [Exit to the dining-room.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Bless the man, how abrupt he is in his manner! He quite +shocks a poor lady who has been used to better days. What's here? +Invitations--ho! Bills for Lady Kicklebury! THEY are not paid. Where is +Mr. M. going to dine, I wonder? Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson, Sir John and +Lady Tomkinson, request the pleasure. Request the pleasure! Of course +they do. They are always asking Mr. M. to dinner. They have daughters +to marry, and Mr. M. is a widower with three thousand a year, every +shilling of it. I must tell Lady Kicklebury. He must never go to these +places--never, never--mustn't be allowed. [While talking, she opens all +the letters on the table, rummages the portfolio and writing-box, looks +at cards on mantelpiece, work in work-basket, tries tea-box, and shows +the greatest activity and curiosity.] + +Re-enter John, bearing a tray with cakes, a decanter, &c. + +Thank you, thank you, Mr. Howell! Oh, oh, dear me, not so much as that! +Half a glass, and ONE biscuit, please. What elegant sherry! [sips a +little, and puts down glass on tray]. Do you know, I remember in better +days, Mr. Howell, when my poor dear husband-- + +JOHN.--Beg your pardon. There's Milliken's bell, going like mad. [Exit +John.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--What an abrupt person! Oh, but it's comfortable, this wine +is! And--and I think how my poor Charlotte would like a little--she so +weak, and ordered wine by the medical man! And when dear Adolphus comes +home from Christ's Hospital, quite tired, poor boy, and hungry, wouldn't +a bit of nice cake do him good! Adolphus is so fond of plum-cake, the +darling child! And so is Frederick, little saucy rogue; and I'll give +them MY piece, and keep my glass of wine for my dear delicate angel +Shatty! [Takes bottle and paper out of her pocket, cuts off a great +slice of cake, and pours wine from wine-glass and decanter into bottle.] + +Enter PAGE. + +PAGE.--Master George and Miss Bella is going to have their teas down +here with Miss Prior, Mrs. Prior, and she's up in the school-room, and +my lady says you may stay to tea. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Charles! How tall you grow! Those trousers would +fit my darling Frederick to a nicety. Thank you, Charles. I know the way +to the nursery. [Exit Mrs. P.] + +PAGE.--Know the way! I believe she DO know the way. Been a having cake +and wine. Howell always gives her cake and wine--jolly cake, ain't it! +and wine, oh, my! + +Re-enter John. + +JOHN.--You young gormandizing cormorant! What! five meals a day ain't +enough for you! What? beer ain't good enough for you, hey? [Pulls boy's +ears.] + +PAGE [crying].--Oh, oh, do-o-n't, Mr. Howell. I only took half a glass, +upon my honor. + +JOHN.--Your a-honor, you lying young vagabond! I wonder the ground don't +open and swallow you. Half a glass! [holds up decanter.] You've took +half a bottle, you young Ananias! Mark this, sir! When I was a boy, +a boy on my promotion, a child kindly took in from charity-school, a +horphan in buttons like you, I never lied; no, nor never stole, and +you've done both, you little scoundrel. Don't tell ME, sir! there's +plums on your coat, crumbs on your cheek, and you smell sherry, sir! I +ain't time to whop you now, but come to my pantry to-night after you've +took the tray down. Come without your jacket on, sir, and then I'll +teach you what it is to lie and steal. There's the outer bell. Scud, you +vagabond! + +Enter LADY K. + +LADY K.--What was that noise, pray? + +JOHN.--A difference between me and young Page, my lady. I was +instructing him to keep his hands from picking and stealing. I was +learning him his lesson, my lady, and he was a-crying it out. + +LADY K.--It seems to me you are most unkind to that boy, Howell. He is +my boy, sir. He comes from my estate. I will not have him ill-used. I +think you presume on your long services. I shall speak to my son-in-law +about you. ["Yes, my lady; no, my lady; very good, my lady." John has +answered each sentence as she is speaking, and exit gravely bowing.] +That man must quit the house. Horace says he can't do without him, but +he must do without him. My poor dear Arabella was fond of him, but he +presumes on that defunct angel's partiality. Horace says this person +keeps all his accounts, sorts all his letters, manages all his affairs, +may be trusted with untold gold, and rescued little George out of +the fire. Now I have come to live with my son-in-law, I will keep his +accounts, sort his letters, and take charge of his money: and if little +Georgy gets into the grate, I will take him out of the fire. What is +here? Invitation from Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson. Invitation from Sir +John and Lady Tomkinson, who don't even ask me! Monstrous! he never +shall go--he shall not go! [MRS. PRIOR has re-entered, she drops a very +low curtsy to Lady K., as the latter, perceiving her, lays the cards +down.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Ah, dear madam! how kind your ladyship's message was to the +poor lonely widow woman! Oh, how thoughtful it was of your ladyship to +ask me to stay to tea! + +LADY K.--With your daughter and the children? Indeed, my good Mrs. +Prior, you are very welcome! + +MRS. PRIOR.--Ah! but isn't it a cause of thankfulness to be MADE +welcome? Oughtn't I to be grateful for these blessings?--yes, I say +BLESSINGS. And I am--I am, Lady Kicklebury--to the mother--of--that +angel who is gone [points to the picture]. It was your sainted daughter +left us--left my child to the care of Mr. Milliken, and--and you, who +are now his guardian angel I may say. You ARE, Lady Kicklebury--you +are. I say to my girl, Julia, Lady Kicklebury is Mr. Milliken's guardian +angel, is YOUR guardian angel--for without you could she keep her place +as governess to these darling children? It would tear her heart in two +to leave them, and yet she would be forced to do so. You know that some +one--shall I hesitate to say whom I MEAN--that Mr. Milliken's mother, +excellent lady though she is, does not love my child because YOU love +her. You DO love her, Lady Kicklebury, and oh! a mother's fond heart +pays you back! But for you, my poor Julia must go--go, and leave the +children whom a dying angel confided to her! + +LADY K.--Go! no, never! not whilst I am in this house, Mrs. Prior. Your +daughter is a well-behaved young woman: you have confided to me her long +engagement to Lieutenant--Lieutenant What-d'you-call'im, in the Indian +service. She has been very, very good to my grandchildren--she brought +them over from Naples when my--my angel of an Arabella died there, and I +will protect Miss Prior. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Bless you, bless you, noble, admirable woman! Don't take it +away! I must, I WILL kiss your dear, generous hand! Take a mother's, a +widow's blessings, Lady Kicklebury--the blessings of one who has known +misfortune and seen better days, and thanks heaven--yes, heaven!--for +the protectors she has found! + +LADY K.--You said--you had--several children, I think, my good Mrs. +Prior? + +MRS. PRIOR.--Three boys--one, my eldest blessing, is in a +wine-merchant's office--ah, if Mr. Milliken WOULD but give him an order! +an order from THIS house! an order from Lady Kicklebury's son-in-law!-- + +LADY K.--It shall be done, my good Prior--we will see. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Another, Adolphus, dear fellow! is in Christ's Hospital. +It was dear, good Mr. Milliken's nomination. Frederick is at Merchant +Taylor's: my darling Julia pays his schooling. Besides, I have two +girls--Amelia, quite a little toddles, just the size, though not so +beautiful--but in a mother's eyes all children are lovely, dear Lady +Kicklebury--just the size of your dear granddaughter, whose clothes +would fit her, I am sure. And my second, Charlotte, a girl as tall as +your ladyship, though not with so fine a figure. "Ah, no, Shatty!" I say +to her, "you are as tall as our dear patroness, Lady Kicklebury, whom +you long so to see; but you have not got her ladyship's carriage and +figure, child." Five children have I, left fatherless and penniless by +my poor dear husband--but heaven takes care of the widow and orphan, +madam--and heaven's BEST CREATURES feed them!--YOU know whom I mean. + +LADY K.--Should you not like, would you object to take--a frock or two +of little Arabella's to your child? and if Pinhorn, my maid, will let +me, Mrs. Prior, I will see if I cannot find something against winter for +your second daughter, as you say we are of a size. + +MRS. PRIOR.--The widow's and orphans' blessings upon you! I said +my Charlotte was as tall, but I never said she had such a figure as +yours--who has? + +CHARLES announces-- + +CHARLES.--Mrs. Bonnington! [Enter MRS. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. B.--How do you do, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--My dear Mrs. Bonnington! and you come to dinner of course? + +MRS. B.--To dine with my own son, I may take the liberty. How are my +grandchildren? my darling little Emily, is she well, Mrs. Prior? + +LADY K. [aside].--Emily? why does she not call the child by her blessed +mother's name of Arabella? [To MRS. B.] ARABELLA is quite well, Mrs. +Bonnington. Mr. Squillings said it was nothing; only her grandmamma +Bonnington spoiling her, as usual. Mr. Bonnington and all your numerous +young folk are well, I hope? + +MRS. B.--My family are all in perfect health, I thank you. Is Horace +come home from the city? + +LADY K.--Goodness! there's the dinner-bell,--I must run to dress. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Shall I come with you, dear Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--Not for worlds, my good Mrs. Prior. [Exit Lady K.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--How do you do, my DEAR madam? Is dear Mr. Bonnington QUITE +well? What a sweet, sweet sermon he gave us last Sunday. I often say +to my girl, I must not go to hear Mr. Bonnington, I really must not, he +makes me cry so. Oh! he is a great and gifted man, and shall I not have +one glimpse of him? + +MRS. B.--Saturday evening, my good Mrs. Prior. Don't you know that my +husband never goes out on Saturday, having his sermon to compose? + +MRS. P.--Oh, those dear, dear sermons! Do you know, madam, that my +little Adolphus, for whom your son's bounty procured his place at +Christ's Hospital, was very much touched indeed, the dear child, with +Mr. Bonnington's discourse last Sunday three weeks, and refused to play +marbles afterwards at school? The wicked, naughty boys beat the poor +child; but Adolphus has his consolation! Is Master Edward well, ma'am, +and Master Robert, and Master Frederick, and dear little funny Master +William? + +MRS. B.--Thank you, Mrs. Prior; you have a good heart, indeed! + +MRS. P.--Ah, what blessings those dears are to you! I wish your dearest +little GRANDSON--- + +MRS. B.--The little naughty wretch! Do you know, Mrs. Prior, my +grandson, George Milliken, spilt the ink over my dear husband's bands, +which he keeps in his great dictionary; and fought with my child, +Frederick, who is three years older than George--actually beat his own +uncle! + +MRS. P.--Gracious mercy! Master Frederick was not hurt, I hope? + +MRS. B.--No; he cried a great deal; and then Robert came up, and that +graceless little George took a stick; and then my husband came out, and +do you know George Milliken actually kicked Mr. Bonnington on his shins, +and butted him like a little naughty ram? + +MRS. P.--Mercy! mercy! what a little rebel! He is spoiled, dear madam, +and you know by WHOM. + +MRS. B.--By his grandmamma Kicklebury. I know it. I want my son to whip +that child, but he refuses. He will come to no good; that child. + +MRS. P.--Ah, madam, don't say so! Let us hope for the best. Master +George's high temper will subside when certain persons who pet him are +gone away. + +MRS. B.--Gone away! they never will go away! No, mark my words, Mrs. +Prior, that woman will never go away. She has made the house her own: +she commands everything and everybody in it. She has driven me--me--Mr. +Milliken's own mother--almost out of it. She has so annoyed my dear +husband, that Mr. Bonnington will scarcely come here. Is she not always +sneering at private tutors, because Mr. Bonnington was my son's private +tutor, and greatly valued by the late Mr. Milliken? Is she not making +constant allusions to old women marrying young men, because Mr. +Bonnington happens to be younger than me? I have no words to express my +indignation respecting Lady Kicklebury. She never pays any one, and +runs up debts in the whole town. Her man Bulkeley's conduct in the +neighborhood is quite--quite-- + +MRS. P.--Gracious goodness, ma'am, you don't say so! And then what an +appetite the gormandizing monster has! Mary tells me that what he eats +in the servants' hall is something perfectly frightful. + +MRS. B.--Everybody feeds on my poor son! You are looking at my cap, Mrs. +Prior? [During this time MRS. PRIOR has been peering into a parcel which +MRS. BONNINGTON brought in her hand.] I brought it with me across the +Park. I could not walk through the Park in my cap. Isn't it a pretty +ribbon, Mrs. Prior? + +MRS. P.--Beautiful! beautiful? How blue becomes you! Who would think you +were the mother of Mr. Milliken and seven other darling children? You +can afford what Lady Kicklebury cannot. + +MRS. B.--And what is that, Prior? A poor clergyman's wife, with a large +family, cannot afford much. + +MRS. P.--He! he! You can afford to be seen as you are, which Lady K. +cannot. Did you not remark how afraid she seemed lest I should enter her +dressing-room? Only Pinhorn, her maid, goes there, to arrange the +roses, and the lilies, and the figure--he! he! Oh, what a sweet, sweet +cap-ribbon! When you have worn it, and are tired of it, you will give it +me, won't you? It will be good enough for poor old Martha Prior! + +MRS. B.--Do you really like it? Call at Greenwood Place, Mrs. Prior, the +next time you pay Richmond a visit, and bring your little girl with you, +and we will see. + +MRS. P.--Oh, thank you! thank you! Nay, don't be offended! I must! I +must! [Kisses MRS. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. B.--There, there! We must not stay chattering! The bell has rung. I +must go and put the cap on, Mrs. Prior. + +MRS. P.--And I may come too? YOU are not afraid of my seeing your hair, +dear Mrs. Bonnington! Mr. Bonnington too young for YOU! Why, you don't +look twenty! + +MRS. B.--Oh, Mrs. Prior! + +MRS. P.--Well, five-and-twenty, upon my word--not more than +five-and-twenty--and that is the very prime of life. [Exeunt Mrs. B. and +Mrs. P., hand in hand. As Captain TOUCHIT enters, dressed for dinner, he +bows and passes on.] + +TOUCHIT.--So, we are to wear our white cravats, and our varnished boots, +and dine in ceremony. What is the use of a man being a widower, if he +can't dine in his shooting-jacket? Poor Mill! He has the slavery now +without the wife. [He speaks sarcastically to the picture.] Well, well! +Mrs. Milliken! YOU, at any rate, are gone; and with the utmost respect +for you, I like your picture even better than the original. Miss Prior! + +Enter Miss PRIOR. + +MISS PRIOR.--I beg pardon. I thought you were gone to dinner. I heard +the second bell some time since. [She is drawing back.] + +TOUCHIT.--Stop! I say, Julia! [She returns, he looks at her, takes her +hand.] Why do you dress yourself in this odd poky way? You used to be +a very smartly dressed girl. Why do you hide your hair, and wear such a +dowdy, high gown, Julia? + +JULIA.--You mustn't call me Julia, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Why? when I lived in your mother's lodging, I called you +Julia. When you brought up the tea, you didn't mind being called Julia. +When we used to go to the play with the tickets the Editor gave us, who +lived on the second floor-- + +JULIA.--The wretch!--don't speak of him! + +TOUCHIT.--Ah! I am afraid he was a sad deceiver, that Editor. He was +a very clever fellow. What droll songs he used to sing! What a heap of +play-tickets, diorama-tickets, concert-tickets, he used to give you! Did +he touch your heart, Julia? + +JULIA.--Fiddlededee! No man ever touched my heart, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--What! not even Tom Flight, who had the second floor after the +Editor left it--and who cried so bitterly at the idea of going out to +India without you? You had a tendre for him--a little passion--you know +you had. Why, even the ladies here know it. Mrs. Bonnington told me that +you were waiting for a sweetheart in India to whom you were engaged; and +Lady Kicklebury thinks you are dying in love for the absent swain. + +JULIA.--I hope--I hope--you did not contradict them, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Why not, my dear? + +JULIA.--May I be frank with you? You were a kind, very kind friend to +us--to me, in my youth. + +TOUCHIT.--I paid my lodgings regularly, and my bills without asking +questions. I never weighed the tea in the caddy, or counted the lumps of +sugar, or heeded the rapid consumption of my liqueur-- + +JULIA.--Hush, hush! I know they were taken. I know you were very good to +us. You helped my poor papa out of many a difficulty. + +TOUCHIT [aside].--Tipsy old coal-merchant! I did, and he helped himself +too. + +JULIA.--And you were always our best friend, Captain Touchit. When our +misfortunes came, you got me this situation with Mrs. Milliken--and, +and--don't you see?-- + +TOUCHIT.--Well--what? + +JULIA [laughing].--I think it is best, under the circumstances, that the +ladies here should suppose I am engaged to be married--or or, they might +be--might be jealous, you understand. Women are sometimes jealous of +others,--especially mothers and mothers-in-law. + +TOUCHIT.--Oh, you arch schemer! And it is for that you cover up that +beautiful hair of yours, and wear that demure cap? + +JULIA [slyly].--I am subject to rheumatism in the head, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--It is for that you put on the spectacles, and make yourself +look a hundred years old? + +JULIA.--My eyes are weak, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Weak with weeping for Tom Flight. You hypocrite! Show me your +eyes! + +MISS P.--Nonsense! + +TOUCHIT.--Show me your eyes, I say, or I'll tell about Tom Flight and +that he has been married at Madras these two years. + +MISS P.--Oh, you horrid man! [takes glasses off.] There. + +TOUCHIT.--Translucent orbs! beams of flashing light! lovely lashes +veiling celestial brightness! No, they haven't cried much for Tom +Flight, that faithless captain! nor for Lawrence O'Reilly, that killing +Editor. It is lucky you keep the glasses on them, or they would transfix +Horace Milliken, my friend the widower here. DO you always wear them +when you are alone with him? + +MISS P.--I never AM alone with him. Bless me! If Lady Kicklebury thought +my eyes were--well, well--you know what I mean,--if she thought her +son-in-law looked at me, I should be turned out of doors the next day, +I am sure I should. And then, poor Mr. Milliken! he never looks at +ME--heaven help him! Why, he can't see me for her ladyship's nose and +awful caps and ribbons! He sits and looks at the portrait yonder, and +sighs so. He thinks that he is lost in grief for his wife at this very +moment. + +TOUCHIT.--What a woman that was--eh, Julia--that departed angel! What a +temper she had before her departure! + +MISS P.--But the wind was tempered to the lamb. If she was angry--the +lamb was so very lamblike, and meek, and fleecy. + +TOUCHIT.--And what a desperate flirt the departed angel was! I knew +half a dozen fellows, before her marriage, whom she threw over, because +Milliken was so rich. + +MISS P.--She was consistent at least, and did not change after marriage, +as some ladies do; but flirted, as you call it, just as much as before. +At Paris, young Mr. Verney, the attache, was never out of the house: +at Rome, Mr. Beard, the artist, was always drawing pictures of her: +at Naples, when poor Mr. M. went away to look after his affairs at St. +Petersburg, little Count Posilippo was for ever coming to learn English +and practise duets. She scarcely ever saw the poor children--[changing +her manner as Lady KICKLEBURY enters] Hush--my lady! + +TOUCHIT.--You may well say, "poor children," deprived of such a woman! +Miss Prior, whom I knew in very early days--as your ladyship knows--was +speaking--was speaking of the loss our poor friend sustained. + +LADY K.--Ah, sir, what a loss! [looking at the picture.] + +TOUCHIT.--What a woman she was--what a superior creature! + +LADY K.--A creature--an angel! + +TOUCHIT.--Mercy upon us! how she and my lady used to quarrel! [aside.] +What a temper! + +LADY K.--Hm--oh, yes--what a temper [rather doubtfully at first]. + +TOUCHIT.--What a loss to Milliken and the darling children! + +MISS PRIOR.--Luckily they have YOU with them madam. + +LADY K.--And I will stay with them, Miss Prior; I will stay with them! I +will never part from Horace, I am determined. + +MISS P.--Ah! I am very glad you stay, for if I had not YOU for a +protector, I think you know I must go, Lady Kicklebury. I think you +know there are those who would forget my attachment to these darling +children, my services to--to her--and dismiss the poor governess. But +while you stay I can stay, dear Lady Kicklebury! With you to defend me +from jealousy I need not QUITE be afraid. + +LADY K.--Of Mrs. Bonnington? Of Mr. Milliken's mother; of the parson's +wife who writes out his stupid sermons, and has half a dozen children of +her own? I should think NOT indeed! I am the natural protector of these +children. I am their mother. I have no husband! You STAY in this house, +Miss Prior. You are a faithful, attached creature--though you were sent +in by somebody I don't like very much [pointing to TOUCHIT, who went off +laughing when JULIA began her speech, and is now looking at prints, &c., +in next room]. + +MISS P.--Captain Touchit may not be in all things what one could wish. +But his kindness has formed the happiness of my life in making me +acquainted with YOU, ma'am: and I am sure you would not have me be +ungrateful to him. + +LADY K.--A most highly principled young woman. [Goes out in garden and +walks up and down with Captain TOUCHIT.] + +Enter Mrs. BONNINGTON. + +MISS P.--Oh, how glad I am you are come, Mrs. Bonnington. Have you +brought me that pretty hymn you promised me? You always keep your +promises, even to poor governesses. I read dear Mr. Bonnington's sermon! +It was so interesting that I really could not think of going to sleep +until I had read it all through; it was delightful, but oh! it's still +better when he preaches it! I hope I did not do wrong in copying a part +of it? I wish to impress it on the children. There are some worldly +influences at work with them, dear madam [looking at Lady K. in the +garden], which I do my feeble effort to--to modify. I wish YOU could +come oftener. + +MRS. B.--I will try, my dear--I will try. Emily has sweet dispositions. + +MISS P.--Ah, she takes after her grandmamma Bonnington! + +MRS. B.--But George was sadly fractious just now in the school-room +because I tried him with a tract. + +MISS P.--Let us hope for better times! Do be with your children, dear +Mrs. Bonnington, as constantly as ever you can, for MY sake as well as +theirs! I want protection and advice as well as they do. The GOVERNESS, +dear lady, looks up to you as well as the pupils; SHE wants the teaching +which you and dear Mr. Bonnington can give her! Ah, why could not Mr. +and Mrs. Bonnington come and live here, I often think? The children +would have companions in their dear young uncles and aunts; so pleasant +it would be. The house is quite large enough; that is, if her ladyship +did not occupy the three south rooms in the left wing. Ah, why, WHY +couldn't you come? + +MRS. B.--You are a kind, affectionate creature, Miss Prior. I do not +very much like the gentleman who recommended you to Arabella, you know. +But I do think he sent my son a good governess for his children. + +Two Ladies walk up and down in front garden. + +TOUCHIT enters. + +TOUCHIT.--Miss Julia Prior, you are a wonder! I watch you with respect +and surprise. + +MISS P.--Me! what have I done? a poor friendless governess--respect ME? + +TOUCHIT.--I have a mind to tell those two ladies what I think of Miss +Julia Prior. If they knew you as I know you, O Julia Prior, what a short +reign yours would be! + +MISS P.--I have to manage them a little. Each separately it is not so +difficult. But when they are together, oh, it is very hard sometimes. + +Enter MILLIKEN dressed, shakes hands with Miss P. + +MILLIKEN.--Miss Prior! are you well? Have the children been good? and +learned all their lessons? + +MISS P.--The children are pretty good, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--Well, that's a great deal as times go. Do not bother them +with too much learning, Miss Prior. Let them have an easy life. Time +enough for trouble when age comes. + +Enter John. + +JOHN.--Dinner, sir. [And exit.] + +MILLIKEN.--Dinner, ladies. My Lady Kicklebury (gives arm to Lady K). + +LADY K.--My dear Horace, you SHOULDN'T shake hands with Miss Prior. You +should keep people of that class at a distance, my dear creature. [They +go in to dinner, Captain TOUCHIT following with Mrs. BONNINGTON. As they +go out, enter MARY with children's tea-tray, &c., children following, +and after them Mrs. PRIOR. MARY gives her tea.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Mary! You are so very kind! Oh, what delicious +tea! + +GEORGY.--I say, Mrs. Prior, I dare say you would like to dine best, +wouldn't you? + +MRS. P.--Bless you, my darling love, I had my dinner at one o'clock with +my children at home. + +GEORGY.--So had we: but we go in to dessert very often; and then don't +we have cakes and oranges and candied-peel and macaroons and things! We +are not to go in to-day; because Bella ate so many strawberries she made +herself ill. + +BELLA.--So did you. + +GEORGY.--I'm a man, and men eat more than women, twice as much as women. +When I'm a man I'll eat as much cake as ever I like. I say, Mary, give +us the marmalade. + +MRS. P.--Oh, what nice marmalade! I know of some poor children-- + +MISS P.--Mamma! don't, mamma [in an imploring tone]. + +MRS. P.--I know of two poor children at home, who have very seldom nice +marmalade and cake, young people. + +GEORGE.--You mean Adolphus and Frederick and Amelia, your children. +Well, they shall have marmalade and cake. + +BELLA.--Oh, yes! I'll give them mine. + +MRS. P.--Darling, dearest child! + +GEORGE [his mouth full].--I won't give 'em mine: but they can have +another pot, you know. You have always got a basket with you, Mrs. +Prior. I know you have. You had it that day you took the cold fowl. + +MRS. P.--For the poor blind black man! oh, how thankful he was! + +GEORGE.--I don't know whether it was for a black man. Mary, get us +another pot of marmalade. + +MARY.--I don't know, Master George. + +GEORGE.--I WILL have another pot of marmalade. If you don't, I'll--I'll +smash everything--I will. + +BELLA.--Oh, you naughty, rude boy! + +GEORGE.--Hold YOUR tongue! I WILL have it. Mary shall go and get it. + +MRS. P.--Do humor him, Mary; and I'm sure my poor children at home will +be the better for it. + +GEORGE.--There's your basket! now put this cake in, and this pat +of butter, and this sugar. Hurray, hurray! Oh, what jolly fun! Tell +Adolphus and Amelia I sent it to them--tell 'em they shall never want +for anything as long as George Kicklebury Milliken, Esq., can give it +'em. Did Adolphus like my gray coat that I didn't want? + +MISS P.--You did not give him your new gray coat? + +GEORGE.--Don't you speak to me; I'm going to school--I'm not going to +have no more governesses soon. + +MRS. P.--Oh, my dear Master George, what a nice coat it is, and how well +my poor boy looked in it! + +MISS P.--Don't, mamma! I pray and entreat you not to take the things! + +Enter JOHN from dining-room with a tray. + +JOHN.--Some cream, some jelly, a little champagne, Miss Prior; I thought +you might like some. + +GEORGE.--Oh, jolly! give us hold of the jelly! give us a glass of +champagne. + +JOHN.--I will not give you any. + +GEORGE.--I'll smash every glass in the room if you don't; I'll cut my +fingers; I'll poison myself--there! I'll eat all this sealing-wax if you +don't, and it's rank poison, you know it is. + +MRS. P.--My dear Master George! [Exit JOHN.] + +GEORGE.--Ha, ha! I knew you'd give it me; another boy taught me that. + +BELLA.--And a very naughty, rude boy. + +GEORGE.--He, he, he! hold your tongue Miss! And said he always got wine +so; and so I used to do it to my poor mamma, Mrs. Prior. Usedn't to like +mamma much. + +BELLA.--Oh, you wicked boy! + +GEORGY.--She usedn't to see us much. She used to say I tried her nerves: +what's nerves, Mrs. Prior? Give us some more champagne! Will have +it. Ha, ha, ha! ain't it jolly? Now I'll go out and have a run in the +garden. [Runs into garden]. + +MRS. P.--And you, my dear? + +BELLA.--I shall go and resume the perusal of the "Pilgrim's Progress," +which my grandpapa, Mr. Bonnington, sent me. [Exit ARABELLA.] + +MISS P.--How those children are spoilt! Goodness; what can I do? If I +correct one, he flies to grandmamma Kicklebury; if I speak to another, +she appeals to grandmamma Bonnington. When I was alone with them, I had +them in something like order. Now, between the one grandmother and the +other, the children are going to ruin, and so would the house too, but +that Howell--that odd, rude, but honest and intelligent creature, I +must say--keeps it up. It is wonderful how a person in his rank of life +should have instructed himself so. He really knows--I really think he +knows more than I do myself. + +MRS. P.--Julia dear! + +MISS P.--What is it, mamma? + +MRS. P.--Your little sister wants some underclothing sadly, Julia dear, +and poor Adolphus's shoes are quite worn out. + +MISS P.--I thought so; I have given you all I could, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Yes, my love! you are a good love, and generous, heaven knows, +to your poor old mother who has seen better days. If we had not wanted, +would I have ever allowed you to be a governess--a poor degraded +governess? If that brute O'Reilly who lived on our second floor had not +behaved so shamefully wicked to you, and married Miss Flack, the singer, +might you not have been Editress of the Champion of Liberty at this very +moment, and had your Opera box every night? [She drinks champagne while +talking, and excites herself.] + +MISS P.--Don't take that, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Don't take it? why, it costs nothing; Milliken can afford it. +Do you suppose I get champagne every day? I might have had it as a girl +when I first married your father, and we kep' our gig and horse, and +lived at Clapham, and had the best of everything. But the coal-trade is +not what it was, Julia. We met with misfortunes, Julia, and we went +into poverty: and your poor father went into the Bench for twenty-three +months--two year all but a month he did--and my poor girl was obliged to +dance at the "Coburg Theatre"--yes you were, at ten shillings a week, +in the Oriental ballet of "The Bulbul and the Rose:" you were, my poor +darling child. + +MISS P.--Hush, hush, mamma! + +MRS. P.--And we kep' a lodging-house in Bury Street, St. James's, +which your father's brother furnished for us, who was an extensive +oil-merchant. He brought you up; and afterwards he quarrelled with my +poor James, Robert Prior did, and he died, not leaving us a shilling. +And my dear eldest boy went into a wine-merchant's office: and my poor +darling Julia became a governess, when you had had the best of education +at Clapham; you had, Julia. And to think that you were obliged, my +blessed thing, to go on in the Oriental ballet of "The Rose and the +Bul--" + +MISS P.--Mamma, hush, hush! forget that story. + +Enter Page from dining-room. + +PAGE.--Miss Prior! please, the ladies are coming from the dining-room. +Mrs. B. have had her two glasses of port, and her ladyship is now +a-telling the story about the Prince of Wales when she danced with him +at Canton House. [Exit Page.] + +MISS P.--Quick, quick! There, take your basket! Put on your bonnet, and +good-night, mamma. Here, here is a half sovereign and three shillings; +it is all the money I have in the world; take it, and buy the shoes for +Adolphus. + +MRS. P.--And the underclothing, my love--little Amelia's underclothing? + +MISS P.--We will see about it. Good-night [kisses her]. Don't be seen +here,--Lady K. doesn't like it. + +Enter Gentlemen and Ladies from dining-room. + +LADY K.--We follow the Continental fashion. We don't sit after dinner, +Captain Touchit. + +CAPTAIN T.--Confound the Continental fashion! I like to sit a little +while after dinner [aside]. + +MRS. B.--So does my dear Mr. Bonnington, Captain Touchit. He likes a +little port-wine after dinner. + +TOUCHIT.--I'm not surprised at it, ma am. + +MRS. B.--When did you say your son was coming, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--My Clarence! He will be here immediately, I hope, the dear boy. +You know my Clarence? + +TOUCHIT.--Yes, ma'am. + +LADY K.--And like him, I'm sure, Captain Touchit! Everybody does like +Clarence Kicklebury. + +TOUCHIT.--The confounded young scamp! I say, Horace, do you like your +brother-in-law? + +MILLIKEN.--Well--I--I can't say--I--like him--in fact, I don't. But +that's no reason why his mother shouldn't. [During this, HOWELL, +preceded by BULKELEY, hands round coffee. The garden without has +darkened, as if evening. BULKELEY is going away without offering coffee +to Miss PRIOR. JOHN stamps on his foot, and points to her. Captain +TOUCHIT, laughing, goes up and talks to her now the servants are gone.] + +MRS. B.--Horace! I must tell you that the waste at your table is +shocking. What is the need of opening all this wine? You and Lady +Kicklebury were the only persons who took champagne. + +TOUCHIT.--I never drink it--never touch the rubbish! Too old a stager! + +LADY K.--Port, I think, is your favorite, Mrs. Bonnington? + +MRS. B.--My dear lady, I do not mean that you should not have champagne, +if you like. Pray, pray, don't be angry! But why on earth, for you, +who take so little, and Horace, who only drinks it to keep you company, +should not Howell open a pint instead of a great large bottle? + +LADY K.--Oh, Howell! Howell! We must not mention Howell, my dear Mrs. +Bonnington. Howell is faultless! Howell has the keys of everything! +Howell is not to be controlled in anything! Howell is to be at liberty +to be rude to my servant! + +MILLIKEN.--Is that all? I am sure I should have thought your man was big +enough to resent any rudeness from poor little Howell. + +LADY K.--Horace! Excuse me for saying that you don't know--the--the +class of servant to whom Bulkeley belongs. I had him, as a great favor, +from Lord Toddleby. That class of servant is accustomed generally not to +go out single. + +MILLIKEN.--Unless they are two behind a carriage-perch they pine away, +as one love-bird does without his mate! + +LADY K.--No doubt! no doubt! I only say you are not accustomed here--in +this kind of establishment, you understand--to that class of-- + +MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury! is my son's establishment not good enough for +any powdered monster in England? Is the house of a British merchant--? + +LADY K.--My dear creature! my dear creature! it IS the house of a +British merchant, and a very comfortable house. + +MRS. B.--Yes, as you find it. + +LADY K.--Yes, as I find it, when I come to take care of my departed, +angel's children, Mrs. Bonnington--[pointing to picture]--of THAT +dear seraph's orphans, Mrs. Bonnington. YOU cannot. You have other +duties--other children--a husband at home in delicate health, who-- + +MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury, no one shall say I don't take care of my dear +husband! + +MILLIKEN.--My dear mother! My dear Lady Kicklebury! [To T., who has come +forward.] They spar so every night they meet, Touchit. Ain't it hard? + +LADY K.--I say you DO take care of Mr. Bonnington, Mrs. Bonnington, my +dear creature! and that is why you can't attend to Horace. And as he +is of a very easy temper--except sometimes with his poor Arabella's +mother--he allows all his tradesmen to cheat him, all his servants to +cheat him, Howell to be rude to everybody--to me amongst other people, +and why not to my servant Bulkeley, with whom Lord Toddleby's groom of +the chambers gave me the very highest character. + +MRS. B.--I'm surprised that noblemen HAVE grooms in their chambers. I +should think they were much better in the stables. I am sure I always +think so when we dine with Doctor Clinker. His man does bring such a +smell of the stable with him. + +LADY K.--He! he! you mistake, my dearest creature! Your poor mother +mistakes, my good Horace. You have lived in a quiet and most respectable +sphere--but not--not-- + +MRS. B.--Not what, Lady Kicklebury? We have lived at Richmond twenty +years--in my late husband's time--when we saw a great deal of company, +and when this dear Horace was a dear boy at Westminster School. And we +have PAID for everything we have had for twenty years, and we have owed +not a penny to any TRADESMAN, though we mayn't have had POWDERED +FOOTMEN SIX FEET HIGH, who were impertinent to all the maids in the +place--Don't! I WILL speak, Horace--but servants who loved us, and who +lived in our families. + +MILLIKEN.--Mamma, now, my dear, good old mother! I am sure Lady +Kicklebury meant no harm. + +LADY K.--Me! my dear Horace! harm! What harm could I mean? + +MILLIKEN.--Come! let us have a game at whist. Touchit, will you make a +fourth? They go on so every night almost. Ain't it a pity, now? + +TOUCHIT.--Miss Prior generally plays, doesn't she? + +MILLIKEN.--And a very good player, too. But I thought you might like it. + +TOUCHIT.--Well, not exactly. I don't like sixpenny points, Horace, or +quarrelling with old dragons about the odd trick. I will go and smoke +a cigar on the terrace, and contemplate the silver Thames, the darkling +woods, the starry hosts of heaven. I--I like smoking better than playing +whist. [MILLIKEN rings bell.] + +MILLIKEN.--Ah, George! you're not fit for domestic felicity. + +TOUCHIT.--No, not exactly. + +HOWELL enters. + +MILLIKEN.--Lights and a whist-table. Oh, I see you bring 'em. You know +everything I want. He knows everything I want, Howell does. Let us cut. +Miss Prior, you and I are partners! + + + + +ACT II. + + +SCENE.--As before. + + +LADY K.--Don't smoke, you naughty boy. I don't like it. Besides, it will +encourage your brother-in-law to smoke. + +CLARENCE K.--Anything to oblige you, I'm sure. But can't do without it, +mother; it's good for my health. When I was in the Plungers, our doctor +used to say, "You ought never to smoke more than eight cigars a day"--an +order, you know, to do it--don't you see? + +LADY K.--Ah, my child! I am very glad you are not with those unfortunate +people in the East. + +K.--So am I. Sold out just in time. Much better fun being here, than +having the cholera at Scutari. Nice house, Milliken's. Snob, but +good fellow--good cellar, doosid good cook. Really, that salmi +yesterday,--couldn't have it better done at the "Rag" now. You have got +into good quarters here, mother. + +LADY K.--The meals are very good, and the house is very good; the +manners are not of the first order. But what can you expect of city +people? I always told your poor dear sister, when she married Mr. +Milliken, that she might look for everything substantial,--but not +manners. Poor dear Arabella WOULD marry him. + +K.--Would! that is a good one, mamma! Why, you made her! It's a dozen +years ago. But I recollect, when I came home from Eton, seeing her +crying because Charley Tufton-- + +LADY K.--Mr. Tufton had not a shilling to bless himself with. The +marriage was absurd and impossible. + +K.--He hadn't a shilling then. I guess he has plenty now. Elder brother +killed, out hunting. Father dead. Tuf a baronet, with four thousand a +year if he's a shilling. + +LADY K.--Not so much. + +K.--Four thousand if it's a shilling. Why, the property adjoins +Kicklebury's--I ought to know. I've shot over it a thousand times. Heh! +I remember, when I was quite a young 'un, how Arabella used to go out +into Tufton Park to meet Charley--and he is a doosid good fellow, and a +gentlemanlike fellow, and a doosid deal better than this city fellow. + +LADY K.--If you don't like this city fellow, Clarence, why do you come +here? why didn't you stop with your elder brother at Kicklebury? + +K.--Why didn't I? Why didn't YOU stop at Kicklebury, mamma? Because you +had notice to quit. Serious daughter-in-law, quarrels about management +of the house--row in the building. My brother interferes, and politely +requests mamma to shorten her visit. So it is with your other two +daughters; so it was with Arabella when she was alive. What shindies you +used to have with her, Lady Kicklebury! Heh! I had a row with my brother +and sister about a confounded little nursery-maid. + +LADY K.--Clarence! + +K.--And so I had notice to quit too. And I'm in very good quarters here, +and I intend to stay in 'em, mamma. I say-- + +LADY K.--What do you say? + +K.--Since I sold out, you know, and the regiment went abroad, confound +me, the brutes at the "Rag" will hardly speak to me! I was so ill, I +couldn't go. Who the doose can live the life I've led and keep health +enough for that infernal Crimea? Besides, how could I help it? I was +so cursedly in debt that I was OBLIGED to have the money, you know. YOU +hadn't got any. + +LADY K.--Not a halfpenny, my darling. I am dreadfully in debt myself. + +K.--I know you are. So am I. My brother wouldn't give me any, not a +dump. Hang him! Said he had his children to look to. Milliken wouldn't +advance me any more--said I did him in that horse transaction. He! he! +he! so I did! What had I to do but to sell out? And the fellows cut +me, by Jove. Ain't it too bad? I'll take my name off the "Rag," I will, +though. + +LADY K.--We must sow our wild oats, and we must sober down; and we must +live here, where the living is very good and very cheap, Clarence, you +naughty boy! And we must get you a rich wife. Did you see at church +yesterday that young woman in light green, with rather red hair and a +pink bonnet? + +K.--I was asleep, ma'am, most of the time, or I was bookin' up the +odds for the Chester Cup. When I'm bookin' up, I think of nothin' else, +ma'am,--nothin'. + +LADY K.--That was Miss Brocksopp--Briggs, Brown and Brocksopp, the great +sugar-bakers. They say she will have eighty thousand pound. We will ask +her to dinner here. + +K.--I say--why the doose do you have such old women to dinner here? Why +don't you get some pretty girls? Such a set of confounded old frumps as +eat Milliken's mutton I never saw. There's you, and his old mother Mrs. +Bonnington, and old Mrs. Fogram, and old Miss What's-her-name, the woman +with the squint eye, and that immense Mrs. Crowder. It's so stoopid, +that if it weren't for Touchit coming down sometimes, and the billiards +and boatin', I should die here--expire, by gad! Why don't you have some +pretty women into the house, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--Why! Do you think I want that picture taken down: and another +Mrs. Milliken? Wisehead! If Horace married again, would he be your +banker, and keep this house, now that ungrateful son of mine has turned +me out of his? No pretty woman shall come into the house whilst I am +here. + +K.--Governess seems a pretty woman: weak eyes, bad figure, poky, badly +dressed, but doosid pretty woman. + +LADY K.--Bah! There is no danger from HER. She is a most faithful +creature, attached to me beyond everything. And her eyes--her eyes +are weak with crying for some young man who is in India. She has his +miniature in her room, locked up in one of her drawers. + +K.--Then how the doose did you come to see it? + +LADY K.--We see a number of things, Clarence. Will you drive with me? + +K.--Not as I knows on, thank you. No, Ma; drivin's TOO slow: and you're +goin' to call on two or three old dowagers in the Park? Thank your +ladyship for the delightful offer. + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--Please, sir, here's the man with the bill for the boats; two +pound three. + +K.--Damn it, pay it--don't bother ME! + +JOHN.--Haven't got the money, sir. + +LADY K.--Howell! I saw Mr. Milliken give you a cheque for twenty-five +pounds before he went into town this morning. Look sir [runs, opens +drawer, takes out cheque-book]. There it is, marked, "Howell, 25L." + +JOHN.--Would your ladyship like to step down into my pantry and see what +I've paid with the twenty-five pounds? Did my master leave any orders +that your ladyship was to inspect my accounts? + +LADY K.--Step down into the pantry! inspect your accounts? I never heard +such impertinence. What do you mean, sir? + +K.--Dammy, sir, what do you mean? + +JOHN.--I thought as her ladyship kept a heye over my master's private +book, she might like to look at mine too. + +LADY K.--Upon my word, this insolence is too much. + +JOHN.--I beg your ladyship's pardon. I am sure I have said nothing. + +K.--Said, sir! your manner is mutinous, by Jove, sir! if I had you in +the regiment!-- + +JOHN.--I understood that you had left the regiment, sir, just before it +went on the campaign, sir. + +K.--Confound you, sir! [Starts up.] + +LADY K.--Clarence, my child, my child! + +JOHN.--Your ladyship needn't be alarmed; I'm a little man, my lady, +but I don't think Mr. Clarence was a-goin' for to hit me, my lady; not +before a lady, I'm sure. I suppose, sir, that you WON'T pay the boatman? + +K.--No, sir, I won't pay him, nor any man who uses this sort of damned +impertinence! + +JOHN.--I told Rullocks, sir, I thought it was JEST possible you +wouldn't. [Exit.] + +K.--That's a nice man, that is--an impudent villain! + +LADY K.--Ruined by Horace's weakness. He ruins everybody, poor +good-natured Horace! + +K.--Why don't you get rid of the blackguard? + +LADY K.--There is a time for all things, my dear. This man is very +convenient to Horace. Mr. Milliken is exceedingly lazy, and Howell +spares him a great deal of trouble. Some day or other I shall take +all this domestic trouble off his hands. But not yet: your poor +brother-in-law is restive, like many weak men. He is subjected to other +influences: his odious mother thwarts me a great deal. + +K.--Why, you used to be the dearest friends in the world. I recollect +when I was at Eton-- + +LADY K.--Were; but friendship don't last for ever. Mrs. Bonnington and +I have had serious differences since I came to live here: she has a +natural jealousy, perhaps, at my superintending her son's affairs. When +she ceases to visit at the house, as she very possibly will, things will +go more easily; and Mr. Howell will go too, you may depend upon it. I am +always sorry when my temper breaks out, as it will sometimes. + +K.--Won't it, that's all! + +LADY K.--At his insolence, my temper is high; so is yours, my dear. Calm +it for the present, especially as regards Howell. + +K.--Gad! d'you know I was very nearly pitching into him? But once, +one night in the Haymarket, at a lobster-shop, where I was with some +fellows, we chaffed some other fellows, and there was one fellah--quite +a little fellah--and I pitched into him, and he gave me the most +confounded lickin' I ever had in my life, since my brother Kicklebury +licked me when we were at Eton; and that, you see, was a lesson to me, +ma'am. Never trust those little fellows, never chaff 'em: dammy, they +may be boxers. + +LADY K.--You quarrelsome boy! I remember you coming home with your +naughty head SO bruised. [Looks at watch.] I must go now to take my +drive. [Exit LADY K.] + +K.--I owe a doose of a tick at that billiard-room; I shall have that +boatman dunnin' me. Why hasn't Milliken got any horses to ride? Hang +him! suppose he can't ride--suppose he's a tailor. He ain't MY tailor, +though, though I owe him a doosid deal of money. There goes mamma with +that darling nephew and niece of mine. [Enter BULKELEY]. Why haven't you +gone with my lady, you, sir? [to Bulkeley.] + +BULKELEY.--My lady have a-took the pony-carriage, sir; Mrs. Bonnington +have a-took the hopen carriage and 'orses, sir, this mornin', which the +Bishop of London is 'olding a confirmation at Teddington, sir, and Mr. +Bonnington is attending the serimony. And I have told Mr. 'Owell, sir, +that my lady would prefer the hopen carriage, sir, which I like the +hexercise myself, sir, and that the pony-carriage was good enough for +Mrs. Bonnington, sir; and Mr. 'Owell was very hinsolent to me, sir; and +I don't think I can stay in the 'ouse with him. + +K.--Hold your jaw, sir. + +BULKELEY.--Yes, sir. [Exit BULKELEY.] + +K.--I wonder who that governess is?--sang rather prettily last +night--wish she'd come and sing now--wish she'd come and amuse me--I've +seen her face before--where have I seen her face?--it ain't at all a bad +one. What shall I do? dammy, I'll read a book: I've not read a book this +ever so long. What's here? [looks amongst books, selects one, sinks down +in easy-chair so as quite to be lost.] + +Enter Miss PRIOR. + +MISS PRIOR.--There's peace in the house! those noisy children are away +with their grandmamma. The weather is beautiful, and I hope they will +take a long drive. Now I can have a quiet half-hour, and finish that +dear pretty "Ruth"--oh, how it makes me cry, that pretty story. +[Lays down her bonnet on table--goes to glass--takes off cap and +spectacles--arranges her hair--Clarence has got on chair looking at +her.] + +K.--By Jove! I know who it is now! Remember her as well as possible. +Four years ago, when little Foxbury used to dance in the ballet over +the water. DON'T I remember her! She boxed my ears behind the scenes, +by jingo. [Coming forward]. Miss Pemberton! Star of the ballet! Light of +the harem! Don't you remember the grand Oriental ballet of the "Bulbul +and the Peri?" + +MISS P.--Oh! [screams.] No, n--no, sir. You are mistaken: my name is +Prior. I--never was at the "Coburg Theatre." I-- + +K. [seizing her hand].--No, you don't, though! What! don't you remember +well that little hand slapping this face? which nature hadn't then +adorned with whiskers, by gad! You pretend you have forgotten little +Foxbury, whom Charley Calverley used to come after, and who used to +drive to the "Coburg" every night in her brougham. How did you know it +was the "Coburg?" That IS a good one! HAD you there, I think. + +MISS P.--Sir, in the name of heaven, pity me! I have to keep my mother +and my sisters and my brothers. When--when you saw me, we were in great +poverty; and almost all the wretched earnings I made at that time were +given to my poor father then lying in the Queen's Bench hard by. You +know there was nothing against my character--you know there was not. Ask +Captain Touchit whether I was not a good girl. It was he who brought me +to this house. + +K.--Touchit! the old villain! + +MISS P.--I had your sister's confidence. I tended her abroad on her +death-bed. I have brought up your nephew and niece. Ask any one if I +have not been honest? As a man, as a gentleman, I entreat you to keep my +secret! I implore you for the sake of my poor mother and her children! +[kneeling.] + +K.--By Jove! how handsome you are! How crying becomes your eyes! Get up; +get up. Of course I'll keep your secret, but-- + +MISS P.--Ah! ah! [She screams as he tries to embrace her. HOWELL rushes +in.] + +HOWELL.--Hands off, you little villain! Stir a step and I'll kill you, +if you were a regiment of captains! What! insult this lady who kept +watch at your sister's death-bed and has took charge of her children! +Don't be frightened, Miss Prior. Julia--dear, dear Julia--I'm by you. +If the scoundrel touches you, I'll kill him. I--I love you--there--it's +here--love you madly--with all my 'art--my a-heart! + +MISS P.--Howell--for heaven's sake, Howell! + +K.--Pooh--ooh! [bursting with laughter]. Here's a novel, by +jingo! Here's John in love with the governess. Fond of plush, Miss +Pemberton--ey? Gad, it's the best thing I ever knew. Saved a good bit, +ey, Jeames? Take a public-house? By Jove! I'll buy my beer there. + +JOHN.--Owe for it, you mean. I don't think your tradesmen profit much by +your custom, ex-Cornet Kicklebury. + +K.--By Jove! I'll do for you, you villain! + +JOHN.--No, not that way, Captain. [Struggles with and throws him.] + +K. [screams.]--Hallo, Bulkeley! [Bulkeley is seen strolling in the +garden.] + +Enter BULKELEY. + +BULKELEY.--What is it, sir? + +K.--Take this confounded villain off me, and pitch him into the +Thames--do you hear? + +JOHN.--Come here, and I'll break every bone in your hulking body. [To +BULKELEY.] + +BULKELEY.--Come, come! whathever his hall this year row about? + +MISS P.--For heaven's sake don't strike that poor man. + +BULKELEY.--YOU be quiet. What's he a-hittin' about my master for? + +JOHN.--Take off your hat, sir, when you speak to a lady. [Takes up a +poker.] And now come on, both of you, cowards! [Rushes at BULKELEY and +knocks his hat off his head.] + +BULKELEY [stepping back].--If you'll put down that there poker, you +know, then I'll pitch into you fast enough. But that there poker ain't +fair, you know. + +K.--You villain! of course you will leave this house. And, Miss Prior, I +think you understand that you will go too. I don't think my niece wants +to learn DANCIN', you understand. Good-by. Here, Bulkeley! [Gets behind +footman and exit.] + +MISS P.--Do you know the meaning of that threat, Mr. Howell? + +JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior. + +MISS P.--I was a dancer once, for three months, four years ago, when my +poor father was in prison. + +JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior, I knew it. And I saw you a many times. + +MISS P.--And you kept my secret? + +JOHN.--Yes, Ju--Jul--Miss Prior. + +MISS P.--Thank you, and God bless you, John Howell. There, there. You +mustn't! indeed you mustn't! + +JOHN.--You don't remember the printer's boy who used to come to Mr. +O'Reilly, and sit in your 'all in Bury Street, Miss Prior? I was that +boy. I was a country-bred boy--that is if you call Putney country, and +Wimbledon Common and that. I served the Milliken family seven year. I +went with Master Horace to college, and then I revolted against service, +and I thought I'd be a man and turn printer like Doctor Frankling. And I +got in an office: and I went with proofs to Mr. O'Reilly, and I saw +you. And though I might have been in love with somebody else before I +did--yet it was all hup when I saw you. + +MISS P. [kindly.]--YOU must not talk to me in that way, John Howell. + +JOHN.--Let's tell the tale out. I couldn't stand the newspaper +night-work. I had a mother and brothers and sisters to keep, as you had. +I went back to Horace Milliken and said, Sir, I've lost my work. I and +mine want bread. Will you take me back again? And he did. He's a kind, +kind soul is my master. + +MISS P.--He IS a kind, kind soul. + +JOHN.--He's good to all the poor. His hand's in his pocket for +everybody. Everybody takes advantage of him. His mother-in-lor rides +over him. So does his Ma. So do I, I may say; but that's over now; and +you and I have had our notice to quit. Miss, I should say. + +MISS P.--Yes. + +JOHN.--I have saved a bit of money--not much--a hundred pound. Miss +Prior--Julia--here I am--look--I'm a poor feller--a poor servant--but +I've the heart of a man--and--I love you--oh! I love you! + +MARY.--Oh ho--ho! [Mary has entered from garden, and bursts out crying.] + +MISS P.--It can't be, John Howell--my dear, brave, kind John Howell. +It can't be. I have watched this for some time past, and poor Mary's +despair here. [Kisses Mary, who cries plentifully.] You have the heart +of a true, brave man, and must show it and prove it now. I am not--am +not of your pardon me for saying so--of your class in life. I was bred +by my uncle, away from my poor parents, though I came back to them after +his sudden death; and to poverty, and to this dependent life I am now +leading. I am a servant, like you, John, but in another sphere--have +to seek another place now; and heaven knows if I shall procure one, now +that that unlucky passage in my life is known. Oh, the coward to recall +it! the coward! + +MARY.--But John whopped him, Miss! that he did. He gave it him well, +John did. [Crying.] + +MISS P.--You can't--you ought not to forego an attachment like that, +John Howell. A more honest and true-hearted creature never breathed than +Mary Barlow. + +JOHN.--No, indeed. + +MISS P.--She has loved you since she was a little child. And you loved +her once, and do now, John. + +MARY.--Oh, Miss! you hare a hangel,--I hallways said you were a hangel. + +MISS P.--You are better than I am, my dear much, much better than I am, +John. The curse of my poverty has been that I have had to flatter and to +dissemble, and hide the faults of those I wanted to help, and to smile +when I was hurt, and laugh when I was sad, and to coax, and to tack, and +to bide my time,--not with Mr. Milliken: he is all honor, and kindness, +and simplicity. Who did HE ever injure, or what unkind word did HE ever +say? But do you think, with the jealousy of those poor ladies over his +house, I could have stayed here without being a hypocrite to both of +them? Go, John. My good, dear friend, John Howell, marry Mary. You'll be +happier with her than with me. There! There! [They embrace.] + +MARY.--O--o--o! I think I'll go and hiron hout Miss Harabella's frocks +now. [Exit MARY.] + +Enter MILLIKEN with CLARENCE--who is explaining things to him. + +CLARENCE.--Here they are, I give you my word of honor. Ask 'em, damn em. + +MILLIKEN.--What is this I hear? You, John Howell, have dared to strike a +gentleman under my roof! Your master's brother-in-law? + +JOHN.--Yes, by Jove! and I'd do it again. + +MILLIKEN.--Are you drunk or mad, Howell? + +JOHN.--I'm as sober and as sensible as ever I was in my life, sir--I not +only struck the master, but I struck the man, who's twice as big, only +not quite as big a coward, I think. + +MILLIKEN.--Hold your scurrilous tongues sir! My good nature ruins +everybody about me. Make up your accounts. Pack your trunks--and never +let me see your face again. + +JOHN.--Very good, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--I suppose, Miss Prior, you will also be disposed to--to +follow Mr. Howell? + +MISS P.--To quit you, now you know what has passed? I never supposed +it could be otherwise--I deceived you, Mr. Milliken--as I kept a secret +from you, and must pay the penalty. It is a relief to me, the sword has +been hanging over me. I wish I had told your poor wife, as I was often +minded to do. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, you were minded to do it in Italy, were you? + +MISS P.--Captain Touchit knew it, sir, all along: and that my motives +and, thank God, my life were honorable. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, Touchit knew it, did he? and thought it +honorable--honorable. Ha! ha! to marry a footman--and keep a +public-house? I--I beg your pardon, John Howell--I mean nothing against +you, you know. You're an honorable man enough, except that you have been +damned insolent to my brother-in-law. + +JOHN.--Oh, heaven! [JOHN strikes his forehead, and walks away.] + +MISS P.--You mistake me, sir. What I wished to speak of was the fact +which this gentleman has no doubt communicated to you--that I danced on +the stage for three months. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, yes. Oh, damme, yes. I forgot. I wasn't thinking of that. + +KICKLEBURY.--You see she owns it. + +MISS P.--We were in the depths of poverty. Our furniture and +lodging-house under execution--from which Captain Touchit, when he came +to know of our difficulties, nobly afterwards released us. My father was +in prison, and wanted shillings for medicine, and I--I went and danced +on the stage. + +MILLIKEN.--Well? + +MISS P.--And I kept the secret afterwards; knowing that I could never +hope as governess to obtain a place after having been a stage-dancer. + +MILLIKEN.--Of course you couldn't,--it's out of the question; and may I +ask, are you going to resume that delightful profession when you enter +the married state with Mr. Howell? + +MISS P.--Poor John! it is not I who am going to--that is, it's Mary, the +school-room maid. + +MILLIKEN.--Eternal blazes! Have you turned Mormon, John Howell, and are +you going to marry the whole house? + +JOHN.--I made a hass of myself about Miss Prior. I couldn't help her +being l--l--lovely. + +KICK.--Gad, he proposed to her in my presence. + +JOHN.--What I proposed to her, Cornet Clarence Kicklebury, was my heart +and my honor, and my best, and my everything--and you--you wanted to +take advantage of her secret, and you offered her indignities, and you +laid a cowardly hand on her--a cowardly hand!--and I struck you, and I'd +do it again. + +MILLIKEN.--What? Is this true? [Turning round very fiercely to K.] + +KICK.--Gad! Well--I only-- + +MILLIKEN.--You only what? You only insulted a lady under my roof--the +friend and nurse of your dead sister--the guardian of my children. You +only took advantage of a defenceless girl, and would have extorted your +infernal pay out of her fear. You miserable sneak and coward! + +KICK.--Hallo! Come, come! I say I won't stand this sort of chaff. Dammy, +I'll send a friend to you! + +MILLIKEN.--Go out of that window, sir. March! or I will tell my servant, +John Howell, to kick you out, you wretched little scamp! Tell that big +brute,--what's-his-name?--Lady Kicklebury's man, to pack this young +man's portmanteau and bear's-grease pots; and if ever you enter these +doors again, Clarence Kicklebury, by the heaven that made me!--by your +sister who is dead!--I will cane your life out of your bones. Angel in +heaven! Shade of my Arabella--to think that your brother in your house +should be found to insult the guardian of your children! + +JOHN.--By jingo, you're a good-plucked one! I knew he was, Miss,--I told +you he was. [Exit, shaking hands with his master, and with Miss P., and +dancing for joy. Exit CLARENCE, scared, out of window.] + +JOHN [without].--Bulkeley! pack up the Capting's luggage! + +MILLIKEN.--How can I ask your pardon, Miss Prior? In my wife's name +I ask it--in the name of that angel whose dying-bed you watched and +soothed--of the innocent children whom you have faithfully tended since. + +MISS P.--Ah, sir! it is granted when you speak so to me. + +MILLIKEN.--Eh, eh--d--don't call me sir! + +MISS P.--It is for me to ask pardon for hiding what you know now: but if +I had told you--you--you never would have taken me into your house--your +wife never would. + +MILLIKEN.--No, no. [Weeping.] + +MISS P.--My dear, kind Captain Touchit knows it all. It was by his +counsel I acted. He it was who relieved our distress. Ask him whether my +conduct was not honorable--ask him whether my life was not devoted to my +parents--ask him when--when I am gone. + +MILLIKEN.--When you are gone, Julia! Why are you going? Why should you +go, my love--that is--why need you go, in the devil's name? + +MISS P.--Because, when your mother--when your mother-in-law come to hear +that your children's governess has been a dancer on the stage, they will +send me away, and you will not have the power to resist them. They ought +to send me away, sir; but I have acted honestly by the children and +their poor mother, and you'll think of me kindly when--I--am--gone? + +MILLIKEN.--Julia, my dearest--dear--noble--dar--the devil! here's old +Kicklebury. + +Enter Lady K., Children, and CLARENCE. + +LADY K.--So, Miss Prior! this is what I hear, is it? A dancer in my +house! a serpent in my bosom--poisoning--yes, poisoning those blessed +children! occasioning quarrels between my own son and my dearest +son-in-law; flirting with the footman! When do you intend to leave, +madam, the house which you have po--poll--luted? + +MISS P.--I need no hard language, Lady Kicklebury: and I will reply to +none. I have signified to Mr. Milliken my wish to leave his house. + +MILLIKEN.--Not, not, if you will stay. [To Miss P.] + +LADY K.--Stay, Horace! she shall NEVER stay as governess in this house! + +MILLIKEN.--Julia! will you stay as mistress? You have known me for a +year alone--before, not so well--when the house had a mistress that is +gone. You know what my temper is, and that my tastes are simple, and +my heart not unkind. I have watched you, and have never seen you out +of temper, though you have been tried. I have long thought you good and +beautiful, but I never thought to ask the question which I put to you +now:--come in, sir! [to CLARENCE at door]:--now that you have been +persecuted by those who ought to have upheld you, and insulted by those +who owed you gratitude and respect. I am tired of their domination, and +as weary of a man's cowardly impertinence [to CLARENCE] as of a woman's +jealous tyranny. They have made what was my Arabella's home miserable +by their oppression and their quarrels. Julia! my wife's friend, my +children's friend! be mine, and make me happy! Don't leave me, Julia! +say you won't--say you won't--dearest--dearest girl! + +MISS P.--I won't--leave--you. + +GEORGE [without].--Oh, I say! Arabella, look here: here's papa a-kissing +Miss Prior! + +LADY K.--Horace--Clarence my son! Shade of my Arabella! can you behold +this horrible scene, and not shudder in heaven! Bulkeley! Clarence! go +for a doctor--go to Doctor Straitwaist at the Asylum--Horace Milliken, +who has married the descendant of the Kickleburys of the Conqueror, +marry a dancing-girl off the stage! Horace Milliken! do you wish to +see me die in convulsions at your feet? I writhe there, I grovel there. +Look! look at me on my knees! your own mother-in-law! drive away this +fiend! + +MILLIKEN.--Hem! I ought to thank you, Lady Kicklebury, for it is you +that have given her to me. + +LADY K.--He won't listen! he turns away and kisses her horrible hand. +This will never do: help me up, Clarence, I must go and fetch his +mother. Ah, ah! there she is, there she is! [Lady K. rushes out, as the +top of a barouche, with Mr. and Mrs. BONNINGTON and Coachman, is seen +over the gate.] + +MRS. B.--What is this I hear, my son, my son? You are going to marry +a--a stage-dancer? you are driving me mad, Horace! + +MILLIKEN.--Give me my second chance, mother, to be happy. You have had +yourself two chances. + +MRS. B.--Speak to him, Mr. Bonnington. [BONNINGTON makes dumb show.] + +LADY K.--Implore him, Mr. Bonnington. + +MRS. B.--Pray, pray for him, Mr. Bonnington, my love--my lost, abandoned +boy! + +LADY K.--Oh, my poor dear Mrs. Bonnington! + +MRS. B.--Oh, my poor dear Lady Kicklebury. [They embrace each other.] + +LADY K.--I have been down on my knees to him, dearest Mrs. Bonnington. + +MRS. B.--Let us both--both go down on our knees--I WILL [to her +husband]. Edward, I will! [Both ladies on their knees. BONNINGTON with +outstretched hands behind them.] Look, unhappy boy! look, Horace! two +mothers on their wretched knees before you, imploring you to send away +this monster! Speak to him, Mr. Bonnington. Edward! use authority with +him, if he will not listen to his mother-- + +LADY K.--To his mothers! + +Enter TOUCHIT. + +TOUCHIT.--What is this comedy going on, ladies and gentlemen? The ladies +on their elderly knees--Miss Prior with her hair down her back. Is it +tragedy or comedy--is it a rehearsal for a charade, or are we acting +for Horace's birthday? or, oh!--I beg your Reverence's pardon--you were +perhaps going to a professional duty? + +MR. B.--It's WE who are praying this child, Touchit. This child, with +whom you used to come home from Westminster when you were boys. You +have influence with him; he listens to you. Entreat him to pause in his +madness. + +TOUCHIT.--What madness? + +MRS. B.--That--that woman--that serpent yonder--that--that +dancing-woman, whom you introduced to Arabella Milliken,--ah! and I rue +the day:--Horace is going to mum--mum--marry her! + +TOUCHIT.--Well! I always thought he would. Ever since I saw him and her +playing at whist together, when I came down here a month ago, I thought +he would do it. + +MRS. B.--Oh, it's the whist, the whist! Why did I ever play at whist, +Edward? My poor Mr. Milliken used to like his rubber. + +TOUCHIT.--Since he has been a widower-- + +LADY K.--A widower of that angel! [Points to picture.] + +TOUCHIT.--Pooh, pooh, angel! You two ladies have never given the +poor fellow any peace. You were always quarrelling over him. You took +possession of his house, bullied his servants, spoiled his children; you +did, Lady Kicklebury. + +LADY K.--Sir, you are a rude, low, presuming, vulgar man. Clarence! beat +this rude man! + +TOUCHIT.--From what I have heard of your amiable son, he is not in the +warlike line, I think. My dear Julia, I am delighted with all my heart +that my old friend should have found a woman of sense, good conduct, +good temper--a woman who has had many trials, and borne them with great +patience--to take charge of him and make him happy. Horace, give me your +hand! I knew Miss Prior in great poverty. I am sure she will bear as +nobly her present good fortune; for good fortune it is to any woman to +become the wife of such a loyal, honest, kindly gentleman as you are! + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--If you please, my lady--if you please, sir--Bulkeley-- + +LADY K.--What of Bulkeley, sir? + +JOHN.--He has packed his things, and Cornet Kicklebury's things, my +lady. + +MILLIKEN.--Let the fellow go. + +JOHN.--He won't go, sir, till my lady have paid him his book and wages. +Here's the book, sir. + +LADY K.--Insolence! quit my presence! And I, Mr. Milliken, will quit a +house-- + +JOHN.--Shall I call your ladyship a carriage? + +LADY K.--Where I have met with rudeness, cruelty, and fiendish [to Miss +P., who smiles and curtsies]--yes, fiendish ingratitude. I will go, I +say, as soon as I have made arrangements for taking other lodgings. You +cannot expect a lady of fashion to turn out like a servant. + +JOHN.--Hire the "Star and Garter" for her, sir. Send down to the +"Castle;" anything to get rid of her. I'll tell her maid to pack her +traps. Pinhorn! [Beckons maid and gives orders.] + +TOUCHIT.--You had better go at once, my dear Lady Kicklebury. + +LADY K.--Sir! + +TOUCHIT.--THE OTHER MOTHER-IN-LAW IS COMING! I met her on the road with +all her family. He! he! he! [Screams.] + +Enter Mrs. PRIOR and Children. + +MRS. P.--My lady! I hope your ladyship is quite well! Dear, kind Mrs. +Bonnington! I came to pay my duty to you, ma'am. This is Charlotte, my +lady--the great girl whom your ladyship so kindly promised the gown for; +and this is my little girl, Mrs. Bonnington, ma'am, please; and this +is my Bluecoat boy. Go and speak to dear, kind Mr. Milliken--our best +friend and protector--the son and son-in-law of these dear ladies. Look, +sir! He has brought his copy to show you. [Boy shows copy.] Ain't it +creditable to a boy of his age, Captain Touchit? And my best and most +grateful services to you, sir. Julia, Julia, my dear, where's your cap +and spectacles, you stupid thing? You've let your hair drop down. What! +what!--[Begins to be puzzled.] + +MRS. B.--Is this collusion, madam? + +MRS. P.--Collusion, dear Mrs. Bonnington! + +LADY K.--Or insolence, Mrs. Prior! + +MRS. P.--Insolence, your ladyship! What--what is it? what has happened? +What's Julia's hair down for? Ah! you've not sent the poor girl away? +the poor, poor child, and the poor, poor children! + +TOUCHIT.--That dancing at the "Coburg" has come out, Mrs. Prior. + +MRS. P.--Not the darling's fault. It was to help her poor father in +prison. It was I who forced her to do it. Oh! don't, don't, dear Lady +Kicklebury, take the bread out of the mouths of these poor orphans! +[Crying.] + +MILLIKEN.--Enough of this, Mrs. Prior: your daughter is not going away. +Julia has promised to stay with me--and--never to leave me--as governess +no longer, but as wife to me. + +MRS. P.--Is it--is it true, Julia? + +MISS P.--Yes, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Oh! oh! oh! [Flings down her umbrella, kisses JULIA, and +running to MILLIKEN,] My son, my son! Come here, children. Come, +Adolphus, Amelia, Charlotte--kiss your dear brother, children. What, my +dears! How do you do, dears? [to MILLIKEN'S children]. Have they heard +the news? And do you know that my daughter is going to be your mamma? +There--there--go and play with your little uncles and aunts, that's good +children! [She motions off the Children, who retire towards garden. Her +manner changes to one of great patronage and intense satisfaction.] Most +hot weather, your ladyship, I'm sure. Mr. Bonnington, you must find +it hot weather for preachin'! Lor'! there's that little wretch beatin' +Adolphus! George, sir! have done, sir! [Runs to separate them.] How ever +shall we make those children agree, Julia? + +MISS P.--They have been a little spoiled, and I think Mr. Milliken will +send George and Arabella to school, mamma: will you not, Horace? + +MR. MILLIKEN.--I think school will be the very best thing for them. + +MRS. P.--And [Mrs. P. whispers, pointing to her own children] the blue +room, the green room, the rooms old Lady Kick has--plenty of room for +us, my dear! + +MISS P.--No, mamma, I think it will be too large a party,--Mr. Milliken +has often said that he would like to go abroad, and I hope that now he +will be able to make his tour. + +MRS. P.--Oh, then! we can live in the house, you know: what's the use of +payin' lodgin', my dear? + +MISS P.--The house is going to be painted. You had best live in your own +house, mamma; and if you want anything, Horace, Mr. Milliken, I am sure, +will make it comfortable for you. He has had too many visitors of late, +and will like a more quiet life, I think. Will you not? + +MILLIKEN.--I shall like a life with YOU, Julia. + +JOHN.--Cab, sir, for her ladyship! + +LADY K.--This instant let me go! Call my people. Clarence, your arm! +Bulkeley, Pinhorn! Mrs. Bonnington, I wish you good-morning! Arabella, +angel! [looks at picture] I leave you. I shall come to you ere long. +[Exit, refusing MILLIKEN's hand, passes up garden, with her servants +following her. MARY and other servants of the house are collected +together, whom Lady K. waves off. Bluecoat boy on wall eating plums. +Page, as she goes, cries, Hurray, hurray! Bluecoat boy cries, Hurray! +When Lady K. is gone, JOHN advances.] + +JOHN.--I think I heard you say, sir, that it was your intention to go +abroad? + +MILLIKEN.--Yes; oh, yes! Are we going abroad, my Julia? + +MISS P.--To settle matters, to have the house painted, and clear +[pointing to children, mother, &c.] Don't you think it is the best thing +that we can do? + +MILLIKEN.--Surely, surely: we are going abroad. Howell, you will come +with us of course, and with your experiences you will make a capital +courier. Won't Howell make a capital courier, Julia? Good honest fellow, +John Howell. Beg your pardon for being so rude to you just now. But my +temper is very hot, very. + +JOHN [laughing].--You are a Tartar, sir. Such a tyrant! isn't he, ma'am? + +MISS P.--Well, no; I don't think you have a very bad temper, Mr. +Milliken, a--Horace. + +JOHN.--You must--take care of him--alone, Miss Prior--Julia--I mean Mrs. +Milliken. Man and boy I've waited on him this fifteen year: with the +exception of that trial at the printing-office, which--which I won't +talk of NOW, madam. I never knew him angry; though many a time I have +known him provoked. I never knew him say a hard word, though sometimes +perhaps we've deserved it. Not often--such a good master as that is +pretty sure of getting a good servant--that is, if a man has a heart in +his bosom; and these things are found both in and out of livery. Yes, I +have been a honest servant to him,--haven't I, Mr. Milliken? + +MILLIKEN.--Indeed, yes, John. + +JOHN.--And so has Mary Barlow. Mary, my dear! [Mary comes forward.] Will +you allow me to introduce you, sir, to the futur' Mrs. Howell?--if Mr. +Bonnington does YOUR little business for you, as I dare say [turning to +Mr. B.], hold gov'nor, you will!--Make it up with your poor son, Mrs. +Bonnington, ma'am. You have took a second 'elpmate, why shouldn't Master +Horace? [to Mrs. B.] He--he wants somebody to help him, and take care of +him, more than you do. + +TOUCHIT.--You never spoke a truer word in your life, Howell. + +JOHN.--It's my general 'abit, Capting, to indulge in them sort of +statements. A true friend I have been to my master, and a true friend +I'll remain when he's my master no more. + +MILLIKEN.--Why, John, you are not going to leave me? + +JOHN.--It's best, sir, I should go. I--I'm not fit to be a servant in +this house any longer. I wish to sit in my own little home, with my own +little wife by my side. Poor dear! you've no conversation, Mary, but +you're a good little soul. We've saved a hundred pound apiece, and if +we want more, I know who won't grudge it us, a good fellow--a good +master--for whom I've saved many a hundred pound myself, and will take +the "Milliken Arms" at old Pigeoncot--and once a year or so, at this +hanniversary, we will pay our respects to you, sir, and madam. Perhaps +we will bring some children with us, perhaps we will find some more in +this villa. Bless 'em beforehand! Good-by, sir, and madam--come away, +Mary! [going]. + +MRS. P. [entering with clothes, &c.]--She has not left a single thing +in her room. Amelia, come here! this cloak will do capital for you, and +this--this garment is the very thing for Adolphus. Oh, John! eh, +Howell! will you please to see that my children have something to eat, +immediately! The Milliken children, I suppose, have dined already? + +JOHN.--Yes, ma'am; certainly, ma'am. + +MRS. P.--I see he is inclined to be civil to me NOW! + +MISS P.--John Howell is about to leave us, mamma. He is engaged to Mary +Barlow, and when we go away, he is going to set up housekeeping for +himself. Good-by, and thank you, John Howell [gives her hand to JOHN, +but with great reserve of manner]. You have been a kind and true +friend to us--if ever we can serve you, count upon us--may he not, Mr. +Milliken? + +MILLIKEN.--Always, always. + +MISS P.--But you will still wait upon us--upon Mr. Milliken, for a day +or two, won't you, John, until we--until Mr. Milliken has found some +one to replace you. He will never find any one more honest than you, and +good, kind little Mary. Thank you, Mary, for your goodness to the poor +governess. + +MARY.--Oh miss! oh mum! [Miss P. kisses Mary patronizingly]. + +MISS P. [to JOHN].--And after they have had some refreshment, get a cab +for my brothers and sister, if you please, John. Don't you think that +will be best, my--my dear? + +MILLIKEN.--Of course, of course, dear Julia! + +MISS P.--And, Captain Touchit, you will stay, I hope, and dine with Mr. +Milliken? And, Mrs. Bonnington, if you will receive as a daughter one +who has always had a sincere regard for you, I think you will aid in +making your son happy, as I promise you with all my heart and all my +life to endeavor to do. [Miss P. and M. go up to Mrs. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. BONNINGTON.--Well, there, then, since it must be so, bless you, my +children. + +TOUCHIT.--Spoken like a sensible woman! And now, as I do not wish to +interrupt this felicity, I will go and dine at the "Star and Garter." + +MISS P.--My dear Captain Touchit, not for worlds! Don't you know I +mustn't be alone with Mr. Milliken until--until--? + +MILLIKEN.--Until I am made the happiest man alive! and you will come +down and see us often, Touchit, won't you? And we hope to see our +friends here often. And we will have a little life and spirit and gayety +in the place. Oh, mother! oh, George! oh, Julia! what a comfort it is +to me to think that I am released from the tyranny of that terrible +mother-in-law! + +MRS. PRIOR.--Come in to your teas, children. Come this moment, I +say. [The Children pass quarrelling behind the characters, Mrs. PRIOR +summoning them; JOHN and MARY standing on each side of the dining-room +door, as the curtain falls.] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wolves and the Lamb, by +William Makepeace Thackeray + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB *** + +***** This file should be named 2797.txt or 2797.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/9/2797/ + +Produced by Donald Lainson + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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