diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:19:50 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:19:50 -0700 |
| commit | 91612bcc741ba343375db2848eb9f9d920b8cd43 (patch) | |
| tree | e15adfb65c7b8db0703c3e7fc7ae770b4e45e82e /old | |
Diffstat (limited to 'old')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/wlvlm10.txt | 2870 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/wlvlm10.zip | bin | 0 -> 48333 bytes |
2 files changed, 2870 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/wlvlm10.txt b/old/wlvlm10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3048a0c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/wlvlm10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2870 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext The Wolves and the Lamb by Thackeray +#22 in our series by William Makepeace Thackeray + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + +*It must legally be the first thing seen when opening the book.* +In fact, our legal advisors said we can't even change margins. + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. We need your donations. + + +Title: The Wolves and the Lamb + +Author: William Makepeace Thackeray + +September, 2001 [Etext #2797] + + +The Project Gutenberg Etext The Wolves and the Lamb by Thackeray +******This file should be named wlvlm10.txt or wlvlm10.zip****** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, wlvlm11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, wlvlm10a.txt + + +This etext was prepared by Donald Lainson, charlie@idirect.com. + +Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, +all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a +copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any +of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. + +Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an +up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes +in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has +a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a +look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a +new copy has at least one byte more or less. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-six text +files per month, or 432 more Etexts in 1999 for a total of 2000+ +If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the +total should reach over 200 billion Etexts given away this year. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only ~5% of the present number of computer users. + +At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third +of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we +manage to get some real funding; currently our funding is mostly +from Michael Hart's salary at Carnegie-Mellon University, and an +assortment of sporadic gifts; this salary is only good for a few +more years, so we are looking for something to replace it, as we +don't want Project Gutenberg to be so dependent on one person. + +We need your donations more than ever! + + +All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg/CMU": and are +tax deductible to the extent allowable by law. (CMU = Carnegie- +Mellon University). + +For these and other matters, please mail to: + +Project Gutenberg +P. O. Box 2782 +Champaign, IL 61825 + +When all other email fails. . .try our Executive Director: +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> +hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org +if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if +it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . . + +We would prefer to send you this information by email. + +****** + +To access Project Gutenberg etexts, use any Web browser +to view http://promo.net/pg. This site lists Etexts by +author and by title, and includes information about how +to get involved with Project Gutenberg. You could also +download our past Newsletters, or subscribe here. This +is one of our major sites, please email hart@pobox.com, +for a more complete list of our various sites. + +To go directly to the etext collections, use FTP or any +Web browser to visit a Project Gutenberg mirror (mirror +sites are available on 7 continents; mirrors are listed +at http://promo.net/pg). + +Mac users, do NOT point and click, typing works better. + +Example FTP session: + +ftp metalab.unc.edu +login: anonymous +password: your@login +cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg +cd etext90 through etext99 or etext00 through etext01, etc. +dir [to see files] +get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] +GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] +GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books] + +*** + +**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor** + +(Three Pages) + + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG- +tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor +Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association at +Carnegie-Mellon University (the "Project"). Among other +things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this +etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, +officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost +and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or +indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: +[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, +or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- + cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the + net profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon + University" within the 60 days following each + date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) + your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, +scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty +free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution +you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg +Association / Carnegie-Mellon University". + +We are planning on making some changes in our donation structure +in 2000, so you might want to email me, hart@pobox.com beforehand. + + + + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This etext was prepared by Donald Lainson, charlie@idirect.com. + + + + + +THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB + +by William Makepeace Thackeray + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + +MR. HORACE MILLIKEN, a Widower, a wealthy City Merchant. +GEORGE MILLIKEN, a Child, his Son. +CAPTAIN TOUCHIT, his Friend. +CLARENCE KICKLEBURY, brother to Milliken's late Wife. +JOHN HOWELL, M's Butler and confidential Servant. +CHARLES PAGE, Foot-boy. +BULKELEY, Lady Kicklebury's Servant. +MR. BONNINGTON. +Coachman, Cabman; a Bluecoat Boy, another Boy (Mrs. Prior's Sons). + +LADY KICKLEBURY, Mother-in-law to Milliken. +MRS. BONNINGTON, Milliken's Mother (married again). +MRS. PRIOR. +MISS PRIOR, her Daughter, Governess to Milliken's Children. +ARABELLA MILLIKEN, a Child. +MARY BARLOW, School-room Maid. +A grown-up Girl and Child of Mrs. Prior's, Lady K.'s Maid, Cook. + + + + +THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB. + + +ACT I. + + +Scene.--MILLIKEN'S villa at Richmond; two drawing-rooms opening +into one another. The late MRS. MILLIKEN'S portrait over the +mantel-piece; bookcases, writing-tables, piano, newspapers, a +handsomely furnished saloon. The back-room opens, with very large +windows, on the lawn and pleasure-ground; gate, and wall--over +which the heads of a cab and a carriage are seen, as persons +arrive. Fruit, and a ladder on the walls. A door to the dining- +room, another to the sleeping-apartments, &c. + + +JOHN.--Everybody out; governor in the city; governess (heigh-ho!) +walking in the Park with the children; ladyship gone out in the +carriage. Let's sit down and have a look at the papers. Buttons +fetch the Morning Post out of Lady Kicklebury's room. Where's the +Daily News, sir? + +PAGE.--Think it's in Milliken's room. + +JOHN.--Milliken! you scoundrel! What do you mean by Milliken? +Speak of your employer as your governor if you like; but not as +simple Milliken. Confound your impudence! you'll be calling me +Howell next. + +PAGE.--Well! I didn't know. YOU call him Milliken. + +JOHN.--Because I know him, because I'm intimate with him, because +there's not a secret he has but I may have it for the asking; +because the letters addressed to Horace Milliken, Esq., might as +well be addressed John Howell, Esq., for I read 'em, I put 'em away +and docket 'em, and remember 'em. I know his affairs better than +he does: his income to a shilling, pay his tradesmen, wear his +coats if I like. I may call Mr. Milliken what I please; but not +YOU, you little scamp of a clod-hopping ploughboy. Know your +station and do your business, or you don't wear THEM buttons long, +I promise you. [Exit Page.] + +Let me go on with the paper [reads]. How brilliant this writing +is! Times, Chronicle, Daily News, they're all good, blest if they +ain't. How much better the nine leaders in them three daily papers +is, than nine speeches in the House of Commons! Take a very best +speech in the 'Ouse now, and compare it with an article in The +Times! I say, the newspaper has the best of it for philosophy, for +wit, novelty, good sense too. And the party that writes the +leading article is nobody, and the chap that speaks in the House of +Commons is a hero. Lord, Lord, how the world is 'umbugged! +Pop'lar representation! what IS pop'lar representation? Dammy, +it's a farce. Hallo! this article is stole! I remember a passage +in Montesquieu uncommonly like it. [Goes and gets the book. As he +is standing upon sofa to get it, and sitting down to read it, MISS +PRIOR and the Children have come in at the garden. Children pass +across stage. MISS PRIOR enters by open window, bringing flowers +into the room.] + +JOHN.--It IS like it. [He slaps the book, and seeing MISS PRIOR +who enters, then jumps up from sofa, saying very respectfully,] + +JOHN.--I beg your pardon, Miss. + +MISS P.--[sarcastically.] Do I disturb you, Howell? + +JOHN.--Disturb! I have no right to say--a servant has no right to +be disturbed, but I hope I may be pardoned for venturing to look at +a volume in the libery, Miss, just in reference to a newspaper +harticle--that's all, Miss. + +MISS P.--You are very fortunate in finding anything to interest you +in the paper, I'm sure. + +JOHN.--Perhaps, Miss, you are not accustomed to political discussion, +and ignorant of--ah--I beg your pardon: a servant, I know, has no +right to speak. [Exit into dining-room, making a low bow.] + +MISS PRIOR.--The coolness of some people is really quite +extraordinary! the airs they give themselves, the way in which they +answer one, the books they read! Montesquieu: "Esprit des Lois!" +[takes book up which J. has left on sofa.] I believe the man has +actually taken this from the shelf. I am sure Mr. Milliken, or her +ladyship, never would. The other day "Helvetius" was found in Mr. +Howell's pantry, forsooth! It is wonderful how he picked up French +whilst we were abroad. "Esprit des Lois!" what is it? it must be +dreadfully stupid. And as for reading "Helvetius" (who, I suppose, +was a Roman general), I really can't understand how-- Dear, dear! +what airs these persons give themselves! What will come next? A +footman--I beg Mr. Howell's pardon--a butler and confidential valet +lolls on the drawing-room sofa, and reads Montesquieu! Impudence! +And add to this, he follows me for the last two or three months +with eyes that are quite horrid. What can the creature mean? But +I forgot--I am only a governess. A governess is not a lady--a +governess is but a servant--a governess is to work and walk all day +with the children, dine in the school-room, and come to the +drawing-room to play the man of the house to sleep. A governess is +a domestic, only her place is not the servants' hall, and she is +paid not quite so well as the butler who serves her her glass of +wine. Odious! George! Arabella! there are those little wretches +quarrelling again! [Exit. Children are heard calling out, and +seen quarrelling in garden.] + +JOHN [re-entering].--See where she moves! grace is in all her +steps. 'Eaven in her high--no--a-heaven in her heye, in every +gesture dignity and love--ah, I wish I could say it! I wish you +may procure it, poor fool! She passes by me--she tr-r-amples on +me. Here's the chair she sets in [kisses it.] Here's the piano +she plays on. Pretty keys, them fingers out-hivories you! When +she plays on it, I stand and listen at the drawing-room door, and +my heart thr-obs in time! Fool, fool, fool! why did you look on +her, John Howell! why did you beat for her, busy heart! You were +tranquil till you knew her! I thought I could have been a-happy +with Mary till then. That girl's affection soothed me. Her +conversation didn't amuse me much, her ideers ain't exactly +elevated, but they are just and proper. Her attentions pleased me. +She ever kep' the best cup of tea for me. She crisped my buttered +toast, or mixed my quiet tumbler for me, as I sat of hevenings and +read my newspaper in the kitching. She respected the sanctaty of +my pantry. When I was a-studying there, she never interrupted me. +She darned my stockings for me, she starched and folded my chokers, +and she sowed on the habsent buttons of which time and chance had +bereft my linning. She has a good heart, Mary has. I know she'd +get up and black the boots for me of the coldest winter mornings. +She did when we was in humbler life, she did. + +Enter MARY. + +You have a good heart, Mary! + +MARY.--Have I, dear John? [sadly.] + +JOHN.--Yes, child--yes. I think a better never beat in woman's +bosom. You're good to everybody--good to your parents whom you +send half your wages to: good to your employers whom you never +robbed of a halfpenny. + +MARY [whimpering].--Yes, I did, John. I took the jelly when you +were in bed with the influenza; and brought you the pork-wine +negus. + +JOHN.--Port, not pork, child. Pork is the hanimal which Jews +ab'or. Port is from Oporto in Portugal. + +MARY [still crying].--Yes, John; you know everything a'most, John. + +JOHN.--And you, poor child, but little! It's not heart you want, +you little trump, it's education, Mary: it's information: it's +head, head, head! You can't learn. You never can learn. Your +ideers ain't no good. You never can hinterchange em with mine. +Conversation between us is impossible. It's not your fault. Some +people are born clever; some are born tall, I ain't tall. + +MARY.--Ho! you're big enough for me, John. [Offers to take his +hand.] + +JOHN.--Let go my 'and--my a-hand, Mary! I say, some people are +born with brains, and some with big figures. Look at that great +ass, Bulkeley, Lady K.'s man--the besotted, stupid beast! He's as +big as a life-guardsman, but he ain't no more education nor ideers +than the ox he feeds on. + +MARY.--Law, John, whatever do you mean? + +JOHN.--Hm! you know not, little one! you never can know. Have YOU +ever felt the pangs of imprisoned genius? have YOU ever felt what +'tis to be a slave? + +MARY.--Not in a free country, I should hope, John Howell--no such a +thing. A place is a place, and I know mine, and am content with +the spear of life in which it pleases heaven to place me, John: and +I wish you were, and remembered what we learned from our parson +when we went to school together in dear old Pigeoncot, John--when +you used to help little Mary with her lessons, John, and fought Bob +Brown, the big butcher's boy, because he was rude to me, John, and +he gave you that black hi. + +JOHN.--Say eye, Mary, not heye [gently]. + +MARY.--Eye; and I thought you never looked better in all your life +than you did then: and we both took service at Squire Milliken's-- +me as dairy-girl, and you as knife-boy; and good masters have they +been to us from our youth hup: both old Squire Milliken and Mr. +Charles as is master now, and poor Mrs. as is dead, though she had +her tantrums--and I thought we should save up and take the +"Milliken Arms"--and now we have saved up--and now, now, now--oh, +you are a stone, a stone, a stone! and I wish you were hung round +my neck, and I were put down the well! There's the hup-stairs +bell. [She starts, changing her manner as she hears the bell, and +exit.] + +JOHN [looking after her].--It's all true. Gospel-true. We were +children in the same village--sat on the same form at school. And +it was for her sake that Bob Brown the butcher's boy whopped me. A +black eye! I'm not handsome. But if I were ugly, ugly as the +Saracen's 'Ead, ugly as that beast Bulkeley, I know it would be all +the same to Mary. SHE has never forgot the boy she loved, that +brought birds'-nests for her, and spent his halfpenny on cherries, +and bought a fairing with his first half-crown--a brooch it was, I +remember, of two billing doves a-hopping on one twig, and brought +it home for little yellow-haired, blue-eyed, red-cheeked Mary. +Lord, Lord! I don't like to think how I've kissed 'em, the pretty +cheeks! they've got quite pale now with crying--and she has never +once reproached me, not once, the trump, the little tr-rump! + +Is it my fault [stamping] that Fate has separated us? Why did my +young master take me up to Oxford, and give me the run of his +libery and the society of the best scouts in the University? Why +did he take me abroad? Why have I been to Italy, France, Jummany +with him--their manners noted and their realms surveyed, by jingo! +I've improved myself, and Mary has remained as you was. I try a +conversation, and she can't respond. She's never got a word of +poetry beyond Watt's Ims, and if I talk of Byron or Moore to her, +I'm blest if she knows anything more about 'em than the cook, who +is as hignorant as a pig, or that beast Bulkeley, Lady Kick's +footman. Above all, why, why did I see the woman upon whom my +wretched heart is fixed for ever, and who carries away my soul with +her--prostrate, I say, prostrate, through the mud at the skirts of +her gownd! Enslaver! why did I ever come near you? O enchantress +Kelipso! how you have got hold of me! It was Fate, Fate, Fate. +When Mrs. Milliken fell ill of scarlet fever at Naples, Milliken +was away at Petersborough, Rooshia, looking after his property. +Her foring woman fled. Me and the governess remained and nursed +her and the children. We nursed the little ones out of the fever. +We buried their mother. We brought the children home over Halp and +Happenine. I nursed 'em all three. I tended 'em all three, the +orphans, and the lovely gu-gu-governess. At Rome, where she took +ill, I waited on her; as we went to Florence, had we been attacked +by twenty thousand brigands, this little arm had courage for them +all! And if I loved thee, Julia, was I wrong? and if I basked in +thy beauty day and night, Julia, am I not a man? and if, before +this Peri, this enchantress, this gazelle, I forgot poor little +Mary Barlow, how could I help it? I say, how the doose could I +help it? + +Enter Lady KICKLEBURY, BULKELEY following with parcels and a +spaniel. + +LADY K.--Are the children and the governess come home? + +JOHN.--Yes, my lady [in a perfectly altered tone]. + +LADY K.--Bulkeley, take those parcels to my sitting-room. + +JOHN.--Get up, old stoopid. Push along, old daddylonglegs [aside +to BULKELEY]. + +LADY K.--Does any one dine here to-day, Howell? + +JOHN.--Captain Touchit, my lady. + +LADY K.--He's always dining here. + +JOHN.--My master's oldest friend. + +LADY K.--Don't tell me. He comes from his club. He smells of +smoke; he is a low, vulgar person. Send Pinhorn up to me when you +go down stairs. [Exit Lady K.] + +JOHN.--I know. Send Pinhorn to me, means, Send my bonny brown +hair, and send my beautiful complexion, and send my figure--and, O +Lord! O Lord! what an old tigress that is! What an old Hector! +How she do twist Milliken round her thumb! He's born to be bullied +by women: and I remember him henpecked--let's see, ever since--ever +since the time of that little gloveress at Woodstock, whose picter +poor Mrs. M. made such a noise about when she found it in the +lumber-room. Heh! HER picture will be going into the lumber-room +some day. M. must marry to get rid of his mother-in-law and mother +over him: no man can stand it, not M. himself, who's a Job of a +man. Isn't he, look at him! [As he has been speaking, the bell +has rung, the Page has run to the garden-door, and MILLIKEN enters +through the garden, laden with a hamper, band-box, and cricket- +bat.] + +MILLIKEN.--Why was the carriage not sent for me, Howell? There was +no cab at the station, and I have had to toil all the way up the +hill with these confounded parcels of my lady's. + +JOHN.--I suppose the shower took off all the cabs, sir. When DID a +man ever git a cab in a shower?--or a policeman at a pinch--or a +friend when you wanted him--or anything at the right time, sir? + +MILLIKEN.--But, sir, why didn't the carriage come, I say? + +JOHN.--YOU know. + +MILLIKEN.--How do you mean I know? confound your impudence! + +JOHN.--Lady Kicklebury took it--your mother-in-law took it--went +out a-visiting--Ham Common, Petersham, Twick'nam--doose knows +where. She, and her footman, and her span'l dog. + +MILLIKEN.--Well, sir, suppose her ladyship DID take the carriage? +Hasn't she a perfect right? And if the carriage was gone, I want +to know, John, why the devil the pony-chaise wasn't sent with the +groom? Am I to bring a bonnet-box and a hamper of fish in my own +hands, I should like to know? + +JOHN.--Heh! [laughs.] + +MILLIKEN.--Why do you grin, you Cheshire cat? + +JOHN.--Your mother-in-law had the carriage; and your mother sent +for the pony-chaise. Your Pa wanted to go and see the Wicar of +Putney. Mr. Bonnington don't like walking when he can ride. + +MILLIKEN.--And why shouldn't Mr. Bonnington ride, sir, as long as +there's a carriage in my stable? Mr. Bonnington has had the gout, +sir! Mr. Bonnington is a clergyman, and married to my mother. He +has EVERY title to my respect. + +JOHN.--And to your pony-chaise--yes, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--And to everything he likes in this house, sir. + +JOHN.--What a good fellow you are, sir! You'd give your head off +your shoulders, that you would. Is the fish for dinner to-day? +Band-box for my lady, I suppose, sir? [Looks in]--Turban, +feathers, bugles, marabouts, spangles--doose knows what. Yes, it's +for her ladyship. [To Page.] Charles, take this band-box to her +ladyship's maid. [To his master.] What sauce would you like with +the turbot? Lobster sauce or Hollandaise? Hollandaise is best-- +most wholesome for you. Anybody besides Captain Touchit coming to +dinner? + +MILLIKEN.--No one that I know of. + +JOHN.--Very good. Bring up a bottle of the brown hock? He likes +the brown hock, Touchit does. [Exit JOHN.] + +Enter Children. They run to MILLIKEN. + +BOTH.--How d'you do, Papa! How do you do, Papa! + +MILLIKEN.--Kiss your old father, Arabella. Come here, George-- +What? + +GEORGE.--Don't care for kissing--kissing's for gals. Have you +brought me that bat from London? + +MILLIKEN.--Yes. Here's the bat; and here's the ball [takes one +from pocket]--and-- + +GEORGE.--Where's the wickets, Papa. O-o-o--where's the wickets? +[howls.] + +MILLIKEN.--My dear, darling boy! I left them at the office. What +a silly papa I was to forget them! Parkins forgot them. + +GEORGE.--Then turn him away, I say! Turn him away! [He stamps.] + +MILLIKEN.--What! an old, faithful clerk and servant of your father +and grandfather for thirty years past? An old man, who loves us +all, and has nothing but our pay to live on? + +ARABELLA.--Oh, you naughty boy! + +GEORGE.--I ain't a naughty boy. + +ARABELLA.--You are a naughty boy. + +GEORGE.--He! he! he! he! [Grins at her.] + +MILLIKEN.--Hush, children! Here, Arabella darling, here is a book +for you. Look--aren't they pretty pictures? + +ARABELLA.--Is it a story, Papa? I don't care for stories in +general. I like something instructive and serious. Grandmamma +Bonnington and grandpapa say-- + +GEORGE.--He's NOT your grandpapa. + +ARABELLA.--He IS my grandpapa. + +GEORGE.--Oh, you great story! Look! look! there's a cab. [Runs +out. The head of a Hansom cab is seen over the garden-gate. Bell +rings. Page comes. Altercation between Cabman and Captain TOUCHIT +appears to go on, during which] + +MILLIKEN.--Come and kiss your old father, Arabella. He's hungry +for kisses. + +ARABELLA.--Don't. I want to go and look at the cab; and to tell +Captain Touchit that he mustn't use naughty words. [Runs towards +garden. Page is seen carrying a carpet-bag.] + +Enter TOUCHIT through the open window smoking a cigar. + +TOUCHIT.--How d'ye do, Milliken? How are tallows, hey, my noble +merchant? I have brought my bag, and intend to sleep-- + +GEORGE.--I say, godpapa-- + +TOUCHIT.--Well, godson! + +GEORGE.--Give us a cigar! + +TOUCHIT.--Oh, you enfant terrible! + +MILLIKEN [wheezily].--Ah--ahem--George Touchit! you wouldn't mind-- +a--smoking that cigar in the garden, would you? Ah--ah! + +TOUCHIT.--Hullo! What's in the wind now? You used to be a most +inveterate smoker, Horace. + +MILLIKEN.--The fact is--my mother-in-law--Lady Kicklebury--doesn't +like it, and while she's with us, you know-- + +TOUCHIT.--Of course, of course [throws away cigar]. I beg her +ladyship's pardon. I remember when you were courting her daughter +she used not to mind it. + +MILLIKEN.--Don't--don't allude to those times. [He looks up at his +wife's picture.] + +GEORGE.--My mamma was a Kicklebury. The Kickleburys are the oldest +family in all the world. My name is George Kicklebury Milliken, of +Pigeoncot, Hants; the Grove, Richmond, Surrey; and Portland Place, +London, Esquire--my name is. + +TOUCHIT.--You have forgotten Billiter Street, hemp and tallow +merchant. + +GEORGE.--Oh, bother! I don't care about that. I shall leave that +when I'm a man: when I'm a man and come into my property. + +MILLIKEN.--You come into your property? + +GEORGE.--I shall, you know, when you're dead, Papa. I shall have +this house, and Pigeoncot; and the house in town--no, I don't mind +about the house in town--and I shan't let Bella live with me--no, I +won't. + +BELLA.--No; I won't live with YOU. And I'LL have Pigeoncot. + +GEORGE.--You shan't have Pigeoncot. I'll have it: and the ponies: +and I won't let you ride them--and the dogs, and you shan't have +even a puppy to play with and the dairy and won't I have as much +cream as I like--that's all! + +TOUCHIT.--What a darling boy! Your children are brought up +beautifully, Milliken. It's quite delightful to see them together. + +GEORGE.--And I shall sink the name of Milliken, I shall. + +MILLIKEN.--Sink the name? why, George? + +GEORGE.--Because the Millikens are nobodies--grandmamma says they +are nobodies. The Kickleburys are gentlemen, and came over with +William the Conqueror. + +BELLA.--I know when that was. One thousand one hundred and one +thousand one hundred and onety-one! + +GEORGE.--Bother when they came over! But I know this, when I come +into the property I shall sink the name of Milliken. + +MILLIKEN.--So you are ashamed of your father's name, are you, +George, my boy? + +GEORGE.--Ashamed! No, I ain't ashamed. Only Kicklebury is +sweller. I know it is. Grandmamma says so. + +BELLA.--MY grandmamma does not say so. MY dear grandmamma says +that family pride is sinful, and all belongs to this wicked world; +and that in a very few years what our names are will not matter. + +GEORGE.--Yes, she says so because her father kept a shop; and so +did Pa's father keep a sort of shop--only Pa's a gentleman now. + +TOUCHIT.--Darling child! How I wish I were married! If I had such +a dear boy as you, George, do you know what I would give him? + +GEORGE [quite pleased].--What would you give him, god-papa? + +TOUCHIT.--I would give him as sound a flogging as ever boy had, my +darling. I would whip this nonsense out of him. I would send him +to school, where I would pray that he might be well thrashed: and +if when he came home he was still ashamed of his father, I would +put him apprentice to a chimney-sweep--that's what I would do. + +GEORGE.--I'm glad you're not my father, that's all. + +BELLA.--And I'M glad you're not my father, because you are a wicked +man! + +MILLIKEN.--Arabella! + +BELLA.--Grandmamma says so. He is a worldly man, and the world is +wicked. And he goes to the play: and he smokes, and he says-- + +TOUCHIT.--Bella, what do I say? + +BELLA.--Oh, something dreadful! You know you do! I heard you say +it to the cabman. + +TOUCHIT.--So I did, so I did! He asked me fifteen shillings from +Piccadilly, and I told him to go to--to somebody whose name begins +with a D. + +CHILDREN.--Here's another carriage passing. + +BELLA.--The Lady Rumble's carriage. + +GEORGE.--No, it ain't: it's Captain Boxer's carriage [they run into +the garden]. + +TOUCHIT.--And this is the pass to which you have brought yourself, +Horace Milliken! Why, in your wife's time, it was better than +this, my poor fellow! + +MILLIKEN.--Don't speak of her in THAT way, George Touchit! + +TOUCHIT.--What have I said? I am only regretting her loss for our +sake. She tyrannized over you; turned your friends out of doors; +took your name out of your clubs; dragged you about from party to +party, though you can no more dance than a bear, and from opera to +opera, though you don't know "God Save the Queen" from "Rule +Britannia." You don't, sir; you know you don't. But Arabella was +better than her mother, who has taken possession of you since your +widowhood. + +MILLIKEN.--My dear fellow! no, she hasn't. There's MY mother. + +TOUCHIT.--Yes, to be sure, there's Mrs. Bonnington, and they +quarrel over you like the two ladies over the baby before King +Solomon. + +MILLIKEN.--Play the satirist, my good friend! laugh at my weakness! + +TOUCHIT.--I know you to be as plucky a fellow as ever stepped, +Milliken, when a man's in the case. I know you and I stood up to +each other for an hour and a half at Westminster. + +MILLIKEN.--Thank you! We were both dragons of war! tremendous +champions! Perhaps I am a little soft as regards women. I know my +weakness well enough; but in my case what is my remedy? Put +yourself in my position. Be a widower with two young children. +What is more natural than that the mother of my poor wife should +come and superintend my family? My own mother can't. She has a +half-dozen of little half brothers and sisters, and a husband of +her own to attend to. I dare say Mr. Bonnington and my mother will +come to dinner to-day. + +TOUCHIT.--Of course they will, my poor old Milliken, you don't dare +to dine without them. + +MILLIKEN.--Don't go on in that manner, George Touchit! Why should +not my step-father and my mother dine with me? I can afford it. I +am a domestic man and like to see my relations about me. I am in +the city all day. + +TOUCHIT.--Luckily for you. + +MILLIKEN.--And my pleasure of an evening is to sit under my own +vine and under my own fig-tree with my own olive-branches round +about me; to sit by my fire with my children at my knees: to coze +over a snug bottle of claret after dinner with a friend like you to +share it; to see the young folks at the breakfast-table of a +morning, and to kiss them and so off to business with a cheerful +heart. This was my scheme in marrying, had it pleased heaven to +prosper my plan. When I was a boy and came from school and +college, I used to see Mr. Bonnington, my father-in-law, with HIS +young ones clustering round about him, so happy to be with him! so +eager to wait on him! all down on their little knees round my +mother before breakfast or jumping up on his after dinner. It was +who should reach his hat, and who should bring his coat, and who +should fetch his umbrella, and who should get the last kiss. + +TOUCHIT.--What? didn't he kiss YOU? Oh, the hard-hearted old ogre! + +MILLIKEN.--DON'T, Touchit! Don't laugh at Mr. Bonnington! he is as +good a fellow as ever breathed. Between you and me, as my half +brothers and sisters increased and multiplied year after year, I +used to feel rather lonely, rather bowled out, you understand. But +I saw them so happy that I longed to have a home of my own. When +my mother proposed Arabella for me (for she and Lady Kicklebury +were immense friends at one time), I was glad enough to give up +clubs and bachelorhood, and to settle down as a married man. My +mother acted for the best. My poor wife's character, my mother +used to say, changed after marriage. I was not as happy as I hoped +to be; but I tried for it. George, I am not so comfortable now as +I might be. A house without a mistress, with two mothers-in-law +reigning over it--one worldly and aristocratic, another what you +call serious, though she don't mind a rubber of whist: I give you +my honor my mother plays a game at whist, and an uncommonly good +game too--each woman dragging over a child to her side: of course +such a family cannot be comfortable. [Bell rings.] There's the +first dinner-bell. Go and dress, for heaven's sake. + +TOUCHIT.--Why dress? There is no company! + +MILLIKEN.--Why? ah! her ladyship likes it, you see. And it costs +nothing to humor her. Quick, for she don't like to be kept +waiting. + +TOUCHIT.--Horace Milliken! what a pity it is the law declares a +widower shall not marry his wife's mother! She would marry you +else,--she would, on my word. + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--I have took the Captain's things in the blue room, sir. +[Exeunt gentlemen, JOHN arranges tables, &c.] + +Ha! Mrs. Prior! I ain't partial to Mrs. Prior. I think she's an +artful old dodger, Mrs. Prior. I think there's mystery in her +unfathomable pockets, and schemes in the folds of her umbrella. +But--but she's Julia's mother, and for the beloved one's sake I am +civil to her. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you Charles [to the Page, who has been seen to +let her in at the garden-gate], I am so much obliged to you! Good +afternoon, Mr. Howell. Is my daughter--are the darling children +well? Oh, I am quite tired and weary! Three horrid omnibuses were +full, and I have had to walk the whole weary long way. Ah, times +are changed with me, Mr. Howell. Once when I was young and strong, +I had my husband's carriage to ride in. + +JOHN [aside].--His carriage! his coal-wagon! I know well enough +who old Prior was. A merchant? yes, a pretty merchant! kep' a +lodging-house, share in a barge, touting for orders, and at last a +snug little place in the Gazette. + +MRS. PRIOR.--How is your cough, Mr. Howell? I have brought you +some lozenges for it [takes numberless articles from her pocket], +and if you would take them of a night and morning--oh, indeed, you +would get better! The late Sir Henry Halford recommended them to +Mr. Prior. He was his late Majesty's physician and ours. You know +we have seen happier times, Mr. Howell. Oh, I am quite tired and +faint. + +JOHN.--Will you take anything before the school-room tea, ma'am? +You will stop to tea, I hope, with Miss Prior, and our young folks? + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you: a little glass of wine when one is so +faint--a little crumb of biscuit when one is so old and tired! I +have not been accustomed to want, you know; and in my poor dear Mr. +Prior's time-- + +JOHN.--I'll fetch some wine, ma'am. [Exit to the dining-room.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Bless the man, how abrupt he is in his manner! He +quite shocks a poor lady who has been used to better days. What's +here? Invitations--ho! Bills for Lady Kicklebury! THEY are not +paid. Where is Mr. M. going to dine, I wonder? Captain and Mrs. +Hopkinson, Sir John and Lady Tomkinson, request the pleasure. +Request the pleasure! Of course they do. They are always asking +Mr. M. to dinner. They have daughters to marry, and Mr. M. is a +widower with three thousand a year, every shilling of it. I must +tell Lady Kicklebury. He must never go to these places--never, +never--mustn't be allowed. [While talking, she opens all the +letters on the table, rummages the portfolio and writing-box, looks +at cards on mantelpiece, work in work-basket, tries tea-box, and +shows the greatest activity and curiosity.] + +Re-enter John, bearing a tray with cakes, a decanter, &c. + +Thank you, thank you, Mr. Howell! Oh, oh, dear me, not so much as +that! Half a glass, and ONE biscuit, please. What elegant sherry! +[sips a little, and puts down glass on tray]. Do you know, I +remember in better days, Mr. Howell, when my poor dear husband-- + +JOHN.--Beg your pardon. There's Milliken's bell, going like mad. +Exit John.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--What an abrupt person! Oh, but it's comfortable, this +wine is! And--and I think how my poor Charlotte would like a +little--she so weak, and ordered wine by the medical man! And when +dear Adolphus comes home from Christ's Hospital, quite tired, poor +boy, and hungry, wouldn't a bit of nice cake do him good! Adolphus +is so fond of plum-cake, the darling child! And so is Frederick, +little saucy rogue; and I'll give them MY piece, and keep my glass +of wine for my dear delicate angel Shatty! [Takes bottle and paper +out of her pocket, cuts off a great slice of cake, and pours wine +from wine-glass and decanter into bottle.] + +Enter PAGE. + +PAGE.--Master George and Miss Bella is going to have their teas +down here with Miss Prior, Mrs. Prior, and she's up in the school- +room, and my lady says you may stay to tea. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Charles! How tall you grow! Those +trousers would fit my darling Frederick to a nicety. Thank you, +Charles. I know the way to the nursery. [Exit Mrs. P.] + +PAGE.--Know the way! I believe she DO know the way. Been a having +cake and wine. Howell always gives her cake and wine--jolly cake, +ain't it! and wine, oh, my! + +Re-enter John. + +JOHN.--You young gormandizing cormorant! What! five meals a day +ain't enough for you! What? beer ain't good enough for you, hey? +[Pulls boy's ears.] + +PAGE [crying].--Oh, oh, do-o-n't, Mr. Howell. I only took half a +glass, upon my honor. + +JOHN.--Your a-honor, you lying young vagabond! I wonder the ground +don't open and swallow you. Half a glass! [holds up decanter.] +You've took half a bottle, you young Ananias! Mark this, sir! +When I was a boy, a boy on my promotion, a child kindly took in +from charity-school, a horphan in buttons like you, I never lied; +no, nor never stole, and you've done both, you little scoundrel. +Don't tell ME, sir! there's plums on your coat, crumbs on your +cheek, and you smell sherry, sir! I ain't time to whop you now, +but come to my pantry to-night after you've took the tray down. +Come without your jacket on, sir, and then I'll teach you what it +is to lie and steal. There's the outer bell. Scud, you vagabond! + +Enter LADY K. + +LADY K.--What was that noise, pray? + +JOHN.--A difference between me and young Page, my lady. I was +instructing him to keep his hands from picking and stealing. I was +learning him his lesson, my lady, and he was a-crying it out. + +LADY K.--It seems to me you are most unkind to that boy, Howell. +He is my boy, sir. He comes from my estate. I will not have him +ill-used. I think you presume on your long services. I shall +speak to my son-in-law about you. ["Yes, my lady; no, my lady; +very good, my lady." John has answered each sentence as she is +speaking, and exit gravely bowing.] That man must quit the house. +Horace says he can't do without him, but he must do without him. +My poor dear Arabella was fond of him, but he presumes on that +defunct angel's partiality. Horace says this person keeps all his +accounts, sorts all his letters, manages all his affairs, may be +trusted with untold gold, and rescued little George out of the +fire. Now I have come to live with my son-in-law, I will keep his +accounts, sort his letters, and take charge of his money: and if +little Georgy gets into the grate, I will take him out of the fire. +What is here? Invitation from Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson. +Invitation from Sir John and Lady Tomkinson, who don't even ask me! +Monstrous! he never shall go--he shall not go! [MRS. PRIOR has re- +entered, she drops a very low curtsy to Lady K., as the latter, +perceiving her, lays the cards down.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Ah, dear madam! how kind your ladyship's message was +to the poor lonely widow woman! Oh, how thoughtful it was of your +ladyship to ask me to stay to tea! + +LADY K.--With your daughter and the children? Indeed, my good Mrs. +Prior, you are very welcome! + +MRS. PRIOR.--Ah! but isn't it a cause of thankfulness to be MADE +welcome? Oughtn't I to be grateful for these blessings?--yes, I +say BLESSINGS. And I am--I am, Lady Kicklebury--to the mother-- +of--that angel who is gone [points to the picture]. It was your +sainted daughter left us--left my child to the care of Mr. +Milliken, and--and you, who are now his guardian angel I may say. +You ARE, Lady Kicklebury--you are. I say to my girl, Julia, Lady +Kicklebury is Mr. Milliken's guardian angel, is YOUR guardian +angel--for without you could she keep her place as governess to +these darling children? It would tear her heart in two to leave +them, and yet she would be forced to do so. You know that some +one--shall I hesitate to say whom I MEAN--that Mr. Milliken's +mother, excellent lady though she is, does not love my child +because YOU love her. You DO love her, Lady Kicklebury, and oh! a +mother's fond heart pays you back! But for you, my poor Julia must +go--go, and leave the children whom a dying angel confided to her! + +LADY K.--Go! no, never! not whilst I am in this house, Mrs. Prior. +Your daughter is a well-behaved young woman: you have confided to +me her long engagement to Lieutenant--Lieutenant What-d'you- +call'im, in the Indian service. She has been very, very good to my +grandchildren--she brought them over from Naples when my--my angel +of an Arabella died there, and I will protect Miss Prior. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Bless you, bless you, noble, admirable woman! Don't +take it away! I must, I WILL kiss your dear, generous hand! Take +a mother's, a widow's blessings, Lady Kicklebury--the blessings of +one who has known misfortune and seen better days, and thanks +heaven--yes, heaven!--for the protectors she has found! + +LADY K.--You said--you had--several children, I think, my good Mrs. +Prior? + +MRS. PRIOR.--Three boys--one, my eldest blessing, is in a wine- +merchant's office--ah, if Mr. Milliken WOULD but give him an order! +an order from THIS house! an order from Lady Kicklebury's son-in- +law!-- + +LADY K.--It shall be done, my good Prior--we will see. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Another, Adolphus, dear fellow! is in Christ's +Hospital. It was dear, good Mr. Milliken's nomination. Frederick +is at Merchant Taylor's: my darling Julia pays his schooling. +Besides, I have two girls--Amelia, quite a little toddles, just the +size, though not so beautiful--but in a mother's eyes all children +are lovely, dear Lady Kicklebury--just the size of your dear +granddaughter, whose clothes would fit her, I am sure. And my +second, Charlotte, a girl as tall as your ladyship, though not with +so fine a figure. "Ah, no, Shatty!" I say to her, "you are as tall +as our dear patroness, Lady Kicklebury, whom you long so to see; +but you have not got her ladyship's carriage and figure, child." +Five children have I, left fatherless and penniless by my poor dear +husband--but heaven takes care of the widow and orphan, madam--and +heaven's BEST CREATURES feed them!--YOU know whom I mean. + +LADY K.--Should you not like, would you object to take--a frock or +two of little Arabella's to your child? and if Pinhorn, my maid, +will let me, Mrs. Prior, I will see if I cannot find something +against winter for your second daughter, as you say we are of a +size. + +MRS. PRIOR.--The widow's and orphans' blessings upon you! I said +my Charlotte was as tall, but I never said she had such a figure as +yours--who has? + +CHARLES announces-- + +CHARLES.--Mrs. Bonnington! [Enter MRS. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. B.--How do you do, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--My dear Mrs. Bonnington! and you come to dinner of course? + +MRS. B.--To dine with my own son, I may take the liberty. How are +my grandchildren? my darling little Emily, is she well, Mrs. Prior? + +LADY K. [aside].--Emily? why does she not call the child by her +blessed mother's name of Arabella? [To MRS. B.] ARABELLA is quite +well, Mrs. Bonnington. Mr. Squillings said it was nothing; only +her grandmamma Bonnington spoiling her, as usual. Mr. Bonnington +and all your numerous young folk are well, I hope? + +MRS. B.--My family are all in perfect health, I thank you. Is +Horace come home from the city? + +LADY K.--Goodness! there's the dinner-bell,--I must run to dress. + +MRS. PRIOR.--Shall I come with you, dear Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--Not for worlds, my good Mrs. Prior. [Exit Lady K.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--How do you do, my DEAR madam? Is dear Mr. Bonnington +QUITE well? What a sweet, sweet sermon he gave us last Sunday. I +often say to my girl, I must not go to hear Mr. Bonnington, I +really must not, he makes me cry so. Oh! he is a great and gifted +man, and shall I not have one glimpse of him? + +MRS. B.--Saturday evening, my good Mrs. Prior. Don't you know that +my husband never goes out on Saturday, having his sermon to +compose? + +MRS. P.--Oh, those dear, dear sermons! Do you know, madam, that my +little Adolphus, for whom your son's bounty procured his place at +Christ's Hospital, was very much touched indeed, the dear child, +with Mr. Bonnington's discourse last Sunday three weeks, and +refused to play marbles afterwards at school? The wicked, naughty +boys beat the poor child; but Adolphus has his consolation! Is +Master Edward well, ma'am, and Master Robert, and Master Frederick, +and dear little funny Master William? + +MRS. B.--Thank you, Mrs. Prior; you have a good heart, indeed! + +MRS. P.--Ah, what blessings those dears are to you! I wish your +dearest little GRANDSON--- + +MRS. B.--The little naughty wretch! Do you know, Mrs. Prior, my +grandson, George Milliken, spilt the ink over my dear husband's +bands, which he keeps in his great dictionary; and fought with my +child, Frederick, who is three years older than George--actually +beat his own uncle! + +MRS. P.--Gracious mercy! Master Frederick was not hurt, I hope? + +MRS. B.--No; he cried a great deal; and then Robert came up, and +that graceless little George took a stick; and then my husband came +out, and do you know George Milliken actually kicked Mr. Bonnington +on his shins, and butted him like a little naughty ram? + +MRS. P.--Mercy! mercy! what a little rebel! He is spoiled, dear +madam, and you know by WHOM. + +MRS. B.--By his grandmamma Kicklebury. I know it. I want my son +to whip that child, but he refuses. He will come to no good; that +child. + +MRS. P.--Ah, madam, don't say so! Let us hope for the best. +Master George's high temper will subside when certain persons who +pet him are gone away. + +MRS. B.--Gone away! they never will go away! No, mark my words, +Mrs. Prior, that woman will never go away. She has made the house +her own: she commands everything and everybody in it. She has +driven me--me--Mr. Milliken's own mother--almost out of it. She +has so annoyed my dear husband, that Mr. Bonnington will scarcely +come here. Is she not always sneering at private tutors, because +Mr. Bonnington was my son's private tutor, and greatly valued by +the late Mr. Milliken? Is she not making constant allusions to old +women marrying young men, because Mr. Bonnington happens to be +younger than me? I have no words to express my indignation +respecting Lady Kicklebury. She never pays any one, and runs up +debts in the whole town. Her man Bulkeley's conduct in the +neighborhood is quite--quite-- + +MRS. P.--Gracious goodness, ma'am, you don't say so! And then what +an appetite the gormandizing monster has! Mary tells me that what +he eats in the servants' hall is something perfectly frightful. + +MRS. B.--Everybody feeds on my poor son! You are looking at my +cap, Mrs. Prior? [During this time MRS. PRIOR has been peering +into a parcel which MRS. BONNINGTON brought in her hand.] I +brought it with me across the Park. I could not walk through the +Park in my cap. Isn't it a pretty ribbon, Mrs. Prior? + +MRS. P.--Beautiful! beautiful? How blue becomes you! Who would +think you were the mother of Mr. Milliken and seven other darling +children? You can afford what Lady Kicklebury cannot. + +MRS. B.--And what is that, Prior? A poor clergyman's wife, with a +large family, cannot afford much. + +MRS. P.--He! he! You can afford to be seen as you are, which Lady +K. cannot. Did you not remark how afraid she seemed lest I should +enter her dressing-room? Only Pinhorn, her maid, goes there, to +arrange the roses, and the lilies, and the figure--he! he! Oh, +what a sweet, sweet cap-ribbon! When you have worn it, and are +tired of it, you will give it me, won't you? It will be good +enough for poor old Martha Prior! + +MRS. B.--Do you really like it? Call at Greenwood Place, Mrs. +Prior, the next time you pay Richmond a visit, and bring your +little girl with you, and we will see. + +MRS. P.--Oh, thank you! thank you! Nay, don't be offended! I +must! I must! [Kisses MRS. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. B.--There, there! We must not stay chattering! The bell has +rung. I must go and put the cap on, Mrs. Prior. + +MRS. P.--And I may come too? YOU are not afraid of my seeing your +hair, dear Mrs. Bonnington! Mr. Bonnington too young for YOU! +Why, you don't look twenty! + +MRS. B.--Oh, Mrs. Prior! + +MRS. P.--Well, five-and-twenty, upon my word--not more than five- +and-twenty--and that is the very prime of life. [Exeunt Mrs. B. +and Mrs. P., hand in hand. As Captain TOUCHIT enters, dressed for +dinner, he bows and passes on.] + +TOUCHIT.--So, we are to wear our white cravats, and our varnished +boots, and dine in ceremony. What is the use of a man being a +widower, if he can't dine in his shooting-jacket? Poor Mill! He +has the slavery now without the wife. [He speaks sarcastically to +the picture.] Well, well! Mrs. Milliken! YOU, at any rate, are +gone; and with the utmost respect for you, I like your picture even +better than the original. Miss Prior! + +Enter Miss PRIOR. + +MISS PRIOR.--I beg pardon. I thought you were gone to dinner. I +heard the second bell some time since. [She is drawing back.] + +TOUCHIT.--Stop! I say, Julia! [She returns, he looks at her, takes +her hand.] Why do you dress yourself in this odd poky way? You +used to be a very smartly dressed girl. Why do you hide your hair, +and wear such a dowdy, high gown, Julia? + +JULIA.--You mustn't call me Julia, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Why? when I lived in your mother's lodging, I called you +Julia. When you brought up the tea, you didn't mind being called +Julia. When we used to go to the play with the tickets the Editor +gave us, who lived on the second floor-- + +JULIA.--The wretch!--don't speak of him! + +TOUCHIT.--Ah! I am afraid he was a sad deceiver, that Editor. He +was a very clever fellow. What droll songs he used to sing! What +a heap of play-tickets, diorama-tickets, concert-tickets, he used +to give you! Did he touch your heart, Julia? + +JULIA.--Fiddlededee! No man ever touched my heart, Captain +Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--What! not even Tom Flight, who had the second floor after +the Editor left it--and who cried so bitterly at the idea of going +out to India without you? You had a tendre for him--a little +passion--you know you had. Why, even the ladies here know it. +Mrs. Bonnington told me that you were waiting for a sweetheart in +India to whom you were engaged; and Lady Kicklebury thinks you are +dying in love for the absent swain. + +JULIA.--I hope--I hope--you did not contradict them, Captain +Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Why not, my dear? + +JULIA.--May I be frank with you? You were a kind, very kind friend +to us--to me, in my youth. + +TOUCHIT.--I paid my lodgings regularly, and my bills without asking +questions. I never weighed the tea in the caddy, or counted the +lumps of sugar, or heeded the rapid consumption of my liqueur-- + +JULIA.--Hush, hush! I know they were taken. I know you were very +good to us. You helped my poor papa out of many a difficulty. + +TOUCHIT [aside].--Tipsy old coal-merchant! I did, and he helped +himself too. + +JULIA.--And you were always our best friend, Captain Touchit. When +our misfortunes came, you got me this situation with Mrs. Milliken-- +and, and--don't you see?-- + +TOUCHIT.--Well--what? + +JULIA [laughing].--I think it is best, under the circumstances, +that the ladies here should suppose I am engaged to be married--or +or, they might be--might be jealous, you understand. Women are +sometimes jealous of others,--especially mothers and mothers-in- +law. + +TOUCHIT.--Oh, you arch schemer! And it is for that you cover up +that beautiful hair of yours, and wear that demure cap? + +JULIA [slyly].--I am subject to rheumatism in the head, Captain +Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--It is for that you put on the spectacles, and make +yourself look a hundred years old? + +JULIA.--My eyes are weak, Captain Touchit. + +TOUCHIT.--Weak with weeping for Tom Flight. You hypocrite! Show +me your eyes! + +MISS P.--Nonsense! + +TOUCHIT.--Show me your eyes, I say, or I'll tell about Tom Flight +and that he has been married at Madras these two years. + +MISS P.--Oh, you horrid man! [takes glasses off.] There. + +TOUCHIT.--Translucent orbs! beams of flashing light! lovely lashes +veiling celestial brightness! No, they haven't cried much for Tom +Flight, that faithless captain! nor for Lawrence O'Reilly, that +killing Editor. It is lucky you keep the glasses on them, or they +would transfix Horace Milliken, my friend the widower here. DO you +always wear them when you are alone with him? + +MISS P.--I never AM alone with him. Bless me! If Lady Kicklebury +thought my eyes were--well, well--you know what I mean,--if she +thought her son-in-law looked at me, I should be turned out of +doors the next day, I am sure I should. And then, poor Mr. +Milliken! he never looks at ME--heaven help him! Why, he can't see +me for her ladyship's nose and awful caps and ribbons! He sits and +looks at the portrait yonder, and sighs so. He thinks that he is +lost in grief for his wife at this very moment. + +TOUCHIT.--What a woman that was--eh, Julia--that departed angel! +What a temper she had before her departure! + +MISS P.--But the wind was tempered to the lamb. If she was angry-- +the lamb was so very lamblike, and meek, and fleecy. + +TOUCHIT.--And what a desperate flirt the departed angel was! I +knew half a dozen fellows, before her marriage, whom she threw +over, because Milliken was so rich. + +MISS P.--She was consistent at least, and did not change after +marriage, as some ladies do; but flirted, as you call it, just as +much as before. At Paris, young Mr. Verney, the attache, was never +out of the house: at Rome, Mr. Beard, the artist, was always +drawing pictures of her: at Naples, when poor Mr. M. went away to +look after his affairs at St. Petersburg, little Count Posilippo +was for ever coming to learn English and practise duets. She +scarcely ever saw the poor children--[changing her manner as Lady +KICKLEBURY enters] Hush--my lady! + +TOUCHIT.--You may well say, "poor children," deprived of such a +woman! Miss Prior, whom I knew in very early days--as your +ladyship knows--was speaking--was speaking of the loss our poor +friend sustained. + +LADY K.--Ah, sir, what a loss! [looking at the picture.] + +TOUCHIT.--What a woman she was--what a superior creature! + +LADY K.--A creature--an angel! + +TOUCHIT.--Mercy upon us! how she and my lady used to quarrel! +[aside.] What a temper! + +LADY K.--Hm--oh, yes--what a temper [rather doubtfully at first]. + +TOUCHIT.--What a loss to Milliken and the darling children! + +MISS PRIOR.--Luckily they have YOU with them madam. + +LADY K.--And I will stay with them, Miss Prior; I will stay with +them! I will never part from Horace, I am determined. + +MISS P.--Ah! I am very glad you stay, for if I had not YOU for a +protector, I think you know I must go, Lady Kicklebury. I think +you know there are those who would forget my attachment to these +darling children, my services to--to her--and dismiss the poor +governess. But while you stay I can stay, dear Lady Kicklebury! +With you to defend me from jealousy I need not QUITE be afraid. + +LADY K.--Of Mrs. Bonnington? Of Mr. Milliken's mother; of the +parson's wife who writes out his stupid sermons, and has half a +dozen children of her own? I should think NOT indeed! I am the +natural protector of these children. I am their mother. I have no +husband! You STAY in this house, Miss Prior. You are a faithful, +attached creature--though you were sent in by somebody I don't like +very much [pointing to TOUCHIT, who went off laughing when JULIA +began her speech, and is now looking at prints, &c., in next room]. + +MISS P.--Captain Touchit may not be in all things what one could +wish. But his kindness has formed the happiness of my life in +making me acquainted with YOU, ma'am: and I am sure you would not +have me be ungrateful to him. + +LADY K.--A most highly principled young woman. [Goes out in garden +and walks up and down with Captain TOUCHIT.] + +Enter Mrs. BONNINGTON. + +MISS P.--Oh, how glad I am you are come, Mrs. Bonnington. Have you +brought me that pretty hymn you promised me? You always keep your +promises, even to poor governesses. I read dear Mr. Bonnington's +sermon! It was so interesting that I really could not think of +going to sleep until I had read it all through; it was delightful, +but oh! it's still better when he preaches it! I hope I did not do +wrong in copying a part of it? I wish to impress it on the +children. There are some worldly influences at work with them, +dear madam [looking at Lady K. in the garden], which I do my feeble +effort to--to modify. I wish YOU could come oftener. + +MRS. B.--I will try, my dear--I will try. Emily has sweet +dispositions. + +MISS P.--Ah, she takes after her grandmamma Bonnington! + +MRS. B.--But George was sadly fractious just now in the school-room +because I tried him with a tract. + +MISS P.--Let us hope for better times! Do be with your children, +dear Mrs. Bonnington, as constantly as ever you can, for MY sake as +well as theirs! I want protection and advice as well as they do. +The GOVERNESS, dear lady, looks up to you as well as the pupils; +SHE wants the teaching which you and dear Mr. Bonnington can give +her! Ah, why could not Mr. and Mrs. Bonnington come and live here, +I often think? The children would have companions in their dear +young uncles and aunts; so pleasant it would be. The house is +quite large enough; that is, if her ladyship did not occupy the +three south rooms in the left wing. Ah, why, WHY couldn't you +come? + +MRS. B.--You are a kind, affectionate creature, Miss Prior. I do +not very much like the gentleman who recommended you to Arabella, +you know. But I do think he sent my son a good governess for his +children. + +Two Ladies walk up and down in front garden. + +TOUCHIT enters. + +TOUCHIT.--Miss Julia Prior, you are a wonder! I watch you with +respect and surprise. + +MISS P.--Me! what have I done? a poor friendless governess--respect +ME? + +TOUCHIT.--I have a mind to tell those two ladies what I think of +Miss Julia Prior. If they knew you as I know you, O Julia Prior, +what a short reign yours would be! + +MISS P.--I have to manage them a little. Each separately it is not +so difficult. But when they are together, oh, it is very hard +sometimes. + +Enter MILLIKEN dressed, shakes hands with Miss P. + +MILLIKEN.--Miss Prior! are you well? Have the children been good? +and learned all their lessons? + +MISS P.--The children are pretty good, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--Well, that's a great deal as times go. Do not bother +them with too much learning, Miss Prior. Let them have an easy +life. Time enough for trouble when age comes. + +Enter John. + +JOHN.--Dinner, sir. [And exit.] + +MILLIKEN.--Dinner, ladies. My Lady Kicklebury (gives arm to Lady K). + +LADY K.--My dear Horace, you SHOULDN'T shake hands with Miss Prior. +You should keep people of that class at a distance, my dear +creature. [They go in to dinner, Captain TOUCHIT following with +Mrs. BONNINGTON. As they go out, enter MARY with children's tea- +tray, &c., children following, and after them Mrs. PRIOR. MARY +gives her tea.] + +MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Mary! You are so very kind! Oh, what +delicious tea! + +GEORGY.--I say, Mrs. Prior, I dare say you would like to dine best, +wouldn't you? + +MRS. P.--Bless you, my darling love, I had my dinner at one o'clock +with my children at home. + +GEORGY.--So had we: but we go in to dessert very often; and then +don't we have cakes and oranges and candied-peel and macaroons and +things! We are not to go in to-day; because Bella ate so many +strawberries she made herself ill. + +BELLA.--So did you. + +GEORGY.--I'm a man, and men eat more than women, twice as much as +women. When I'm a man I'll eat as much cake as ever I like. I +say, Mary, give us the marmalade. + +MRS. P.--Oh, what nice marmalade! I know of some poor children-- + +MISS P.--Mamma! don't, mamma [in an imploring tone]. + +MRS. P.--I know of two poor children at home, who have very seldom +nice marmalade and cake, young people. + +GEORGE.--You mean Adolphus and Frederick and Amelia, your children. +Well, they shall have marmalade and cake. + +BELLA.--Oh, yes! I'll give them mine. + +MRS. P.--Darling, dearest child! + +GEORGE [his mouth full].--I won't give 'em mine: but they can have +another pot, you know. You have always got a basket with you, Mrs. +Prior. I know you have. You had it that day you took the cold +fowl. + +MRS. P.--For the poor blind black man! oh, how thankful he was! + +GEORGE.--I don't know whether it was for a black man. Mary, get us +another pot of marmalade. + +MARY.--I don't know, Master George. + +GEORGE.--I WILL have another pot of marmalade. If you don't, I'll-- +I'll smash everything--I will. + +BELLA.--Oh, you naughty, rude boy! + +GEORGE.--Hold YOUR tongue! I WILL have it. Mary shall go and get +it. + +MRS. P.--Do humor him, Mary; and I'm sure my poor children at home +will be the better for it. + +GEORGE.--There's your basket! now put this cake in, and this pat of +butter, and this sugar. Hurray, hurray! Oh, what jolly fun! Tell +Adolphus and Amelia I sent it to them--tell 'em they shall never +want for anything as long as George Kicklebury Milliken, Esq., can +give it 'em. Did Adolphus like my gray coat that I didn't want? + +MISS P.--You did not give him your new gray coat? + +GEORGE.--Don't you speak to me; I'm going to school--I'm not going +to have no more governesses soon. + +MRS. P.--Oh, my dear Master George, what a nice coat it is, and how +well my poor boy looked in it! + +MISS P.--Don't, mamma! I pray and entreat you not to take the +things! + +Enter JOHN from dining-room with a tray. + +JOHN.--Some cream, some jelly, a little champagne, Miss Prior; I +thought you might like some. + +GEORGE.--Oh, jolly! give us hold of the jelly! give us a glass of +champagne. + +JOHN.--I will not give you any. + +GEORGE.--I'll smash every glass in the room if you don't; I'll cut +my fingers; I'll poison myself--there! I'll eat all this sealing- +wax if you don't, and it's rank poison, you know it is. + +MRS. P.--My dear Master George! [Exit JOHN.] + +GEORGE.--Ha, ha! I knew you'd give it me; another boy taught me +that. + +BELLA.--And a very naughty, rude boy. + +GEORGE.--He, he, he! hold your tongue Miss! And said he always got +wine so; and so I used to do it to my poor mamma, Mrs. Prior. +Usedn't to like mamma much. + +BELLA.--Oh, you wicked boy! + +GEORGY.--She usedn't to see us much. She used to say I tried her +nerves: what's nerves, Mrs. Prior? Give us some more champagne! +Will have it. Ha, ha, ha! ain't it jolly? Now I'll go out and +have a run in the garden. [Runs into garden]. + +MRS. P.--And you, my dear? + +BELLA.--I shall go and resume the perusal of the "Pilgrim's +Progress," which my grandpapa, Mr. Bonnington, sent me. [Exit +ARABELLA.] + +MISS P.--How those children are spoilt! Goodness; what can I do? +If I correct one, he flies to grandmamma Kicklebury; if I speak to +another, she appeals to grandmamma Bonnington. When I was alone +with them, I had them in something like order. Now, between the +one grandmother and the other, the children are going to ruin, and +so would the house too, but that Howell--that odd, rude, but honest +and intelligent creature, I must say--keeps it up. It is wonderful +how a person in his rank of life should have instructed himself so. +He really knows--I really think he knows more than I do myself. + +MRS. P.--Julia dear! + +MISS P.--What is it, mamma? + +MRS. P.--Your little sister wants some underclothing sadly, Julia +dear, and poor Adolphus's shoes are quite worn out. + +MISS P.--I thought so; I have given you all I could, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Yes, my love! you are a good love, and generous, heaven +knows, to your poor old mother who has seen better days. If we had +not wanted, would I have ever allowed you to be a governess--a poor +degraded governess? If that brute O'Reilly who lived on our second +floor had not behaved so shamefully wicked to you, and married Miss +Flack, the singer, might you not have been Editress of the Champion +of Liberty at this very moment, and had your Opera box every night? +[She drinks champagne while talking, and excites herself.] + +MISS P.--Don't take that, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Don't take it? why, it costs nothing; Milliken can afford +it. Do you suppose I get champagne every day? I might have had it +as a girl when I first married your father, and we kep' our gig and +horse, and lived at Clapham, and had the best of everything. But +the coal-trade is not what it was, Julia. We met with misfortunes, +Julia, and we went into poverty: and your poor father went into the +Bench for twenty-three months--two year all but a month he did--and +my poor girl was obliged to dance at the "Coburg Theatre"--yes you +were, at ten shillings a week, in the Oriental ballet of "The +Bulbul and the Rose:" you were, my poor darling child. + +MISS P.--Hush, hush, mamma! + +MRS. P.--And we kep' a lodging-house in Bury Street, St. James's, +which your father's brother furnished for us, who was an extensive +oil-merchant. He brought you up; and afterwards he quarrelled with +my poor James, Robert Prior did, and he died, not leaving us a +shilling. And my dear eldest boy went into a wine-merchant's +office: and my poor darling Julia became a governess, when you had +had the best of education at Clapham; you had, Julia. And to think +that you were obliged, my blessed thing, to go on in the Oriental +ballet of "The Rose and the Bul--" + +MISS P.--Mamma, hush, hush! forget that story. + +Enter Page from dining-room. + +PAGE.--Miss Prior! please, the ladies are coming from the dining- +room. Mrs. B. have had her two glasses of port, and her ladyship +is now a-telling the story about the Prince of Wales when she +danced with him at Canton House. [Exit Page.] + +MISS P.--Quick, quick! There, take your basket! Put on your +bonnet, and good-night, mamma. Here, here is a half sovereign and +three shillings; it is all the money I have in the world; take it, +and buy the shoes for Adolphus. + +MRS. P.--And the underclothing, my love--little Amelia's +underclothing? + +MISS P.--We will see about it. Good-night [kisses her]. Don't be +seen here,--Lady K. doesn't like it. + +Enter Gentlemen and Ladies from dining-room. + +LADY K.--We follow the Continental fashion. We don't sit after +dinner, Captain Touchit. + +CAPTAIN T.--Confound the Continental fashion! I like to sit a +little while after dinner [aside]. + +MRS. B.--So does my dear Mr. Bonnington, Captain Touchit. He likes +a little port-wine after dinner. + +TOUCHIT.--I'm not surprised at it, ma am. + +MRS. B.--When did you say your son was coming, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--My Clarence! He will be here immediately, I hope, the +dear boy. You know my Clarence? + +TOUCHIT.--Yes, ma'am. + +LADY K.--And like him, I'm sure, Captain Touchit! Everybody does +like Clarence Kicklebury. + +TOUCHIT.--The confounded young scamp! I say, Horace, do you like +your brother-in-law? + +MILLIKEN.--Well--I--I can't say--I--like him--in fact, I don't. +But that's no reason why his mother shouldn't. [During this, +HOWELL, preceded by BULKELEY, hands round coffee. The garden +without has darkened, as if evening. BULKELEY is going away +without offering coffee to Miss PRIOR. JOHN stamps on his foot, +and points to her. Captain TOUCHIT, laughing, goes up and talks to +her now the servants are gone.] + +MRS. B.--Horace! I must tell you that the waste at your table is +shocking. What is the need of opening all this wine? You and Lady +Kicklebury were the only persons who took champagne. + +TOUCHIT.--I never drink it--never touch the rubbish! Too old a +stager! + +LADY K.--Port, I think, is your favorite, Mrs. Bonnington? + +MRS. B.--My dear lady, I do not mean that you should not have +champagne, if you like. Pray, pray, don't be angry! But why on +earth, for you, who take so little, and Horace, who only drinks it +to keep you company, should not Howell open a pint instead of a +great large bottle? + +LADY K.--Oh, Howell! Howell! We must not mention Howell, my dear +Mrs. Bonnington. Howell is faultless! Howell has the keys of +everything! Howell is not to be controlled in anything! Howell is +to be at liberty to be rude to my servant! + +MILLIKEN.--Is that all? I am sure I should have thought your man +was big enough to resent any rudeness from poor little Howell. + +LADY K.--Horace! Excuse me for saying that you don't know--the-- +the class of servant to whom Bulkeley belongs. I had him, as a +great favor, from Lord Toddleby. That class of servant is +accustomed generally not to go out single. + +MILLIKEN.--Unless they are two behind a carriage-perch they pine +away, as one love-bird does without his mate! + +LADY K.--No doubt! no doubt! I only say you are not accustomed +here--in this kind of establishment, you understand--to that class +of-- + +MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury! is my son's establishment not good enough +for any powdered monster in England? Is the house of a British +merchant--? + +LADY K.--My dear creature! my dear creature! it IS the house of a +British merchant, and a very comfortable house. + +MRS. B.--Yes, as you find it. + +LADY K.--Yes, as I find it, when I come to take care of my +departed, angel's children, Mrs. Bonnington--[pointing to picture]-- +of THAT dear seraph's orphans, Mrs. Bonnington. YOU cannot. You +have other duties--other children--a husband at home in delicate +health, who-- + +MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury, no one shall say I don't take care of my +dear husband! + +MILLIKEN.--My dear mother! My dear Lady Kicklebury! [To T., who +has come forward.] They spar so every night they meet, Touchit. +Ain't it hard? + +LADY K.--I say you DO take care of Mr. Bonnington, Mrs. Bonnington, +my dear creature! and that is why you can't attend to Horace. And +as he is of a very easy temper--except sometimes with his poor +Arabella's mother--he allows all his tradesmen to cheat him, all +his servants to cheat him, Howell to be rude to everybody--to me +amongst other people, and why not to my servant Bulkeley, with whom +Lord Toddleby's groom of the chambers gave me the very highest +character. + +MRS. B.--I'm surprised that noblemen HAVE grooms in their chambers. +I should think they were much better in the stables. I am sure I +always think so when we dine with Doctor Clinker. His man does +bring such a smell of the stable with him. + +LADY K.--He! he! you mistake, my dearest creature! Your poor +mother mistakes, my good Horace. You have lived in a quiet and +most respectable sphere--but not--not-- + +MRS. B.--Not what, Lady Kicklebury? We have lived at Richmond +twenty years--in my late husband's time--when we saw a great deal +of company, and when this dear Horace was a dear boy at Westminster +School. And we have PAID for everything we have had for twenty +years, and we have owed not a penny to any TRADESMAN, though we +mayn't have had POWDERED FOOTMEN SIX FEET HIGH, who were +impertinent to all the maids in the place--Don't! I WILL speak, +Horace--but servants who loved us, and who lived in our families. + +MILLIKEN.--Mamma, now, my dear, good old mother! I am sure Lady +Kicklebury meant no harm. + +LADY K.--Me! my dear Horace! harm! What harm could I mean? + +MILLIKEN.--Come! let us have a game at whist. Touchit, will you +make a fourth? They go on so every night almost. Ain't it a pity, +now? + +TOUCHIT.--Miss Prior generally plays, doesn't she? + +MILLIKEN.--And a very good player, too. But I thought you might +like it. + +TOUCHIT.--Well, not exactly. I don't like sixpenny points, Horace, +or quarrelling with old dragons about the odd trick. I will go and +smoke a cigar on the terrace, and contemplate the silver Thames, +the darkling woods, the starry hosts of heaven. I--I like smoking +better than playing whist. [MILLIKEN rings bell.] + +MILLIKEN.--Ah, George! you're not fit for domestic felicity. + +TOUCHIT.--No, not exactly. + +HOWELL enters. + +MILLIKEN.--Lights and a whist-table. Oh, I see you bring 'em. You +know everything I want. He knows everything I want, Howell does. +Let us cut. Miss Prior, you and I are partners! + + + +ACT II. + + +SCENE.--As before. + + +LADY K.--Don't smoke, you naughty boy. I don't like it. Besides, +it will encourage your brother-in-law to smoke. + +CLARENCE K.--Anything to oblige you, I'm sure. But can't do +without it, mother; it's good for my health. When I was in the +Plungers, our doctor used to say, "You ought never to smoke more +than eight cigars a day"--an order, you know, to do it--don't you +see? + +LADY K.--Ah, my child! I am very glad you are not with those +unfortunate people in the East. + +K.--So am I. Sold out just in time. Much better fun being here, +than having the cholera at Scutari. Nice house, Milliken's. Snob, +but good fellow--good cellar, doosid good cook. Really, that salmi +yesterday,--couldn't have it better done at the "Rag" now. You +have got into good quarters here, mother. + +LADY K.--The meals are very good, and the house is very good; the +manners are not of the first order. But what can you expect of +city people? I always told your poor dear sister, when she married +Mr. Milliken, that she might look for everything substantial,--but +not manners. Poor dear Arabella WOULD marry him. + +K.--Would! that is a good one, mamma! Why, you made her! It's a +dozen years ago. But I recollect, when I came home from Eton, +seeing her crying because Charley Tufton-- + +LADY K.--Mr. Tufton had not a shilling to bless himself with. The +marriage was absurd and impossible. + +K.--He hadn't a shilling then. I guess he has plenty now. Elder +brother killed, out hunting. Father dead. Tuf a baronet, with +four thousand a year if he's a shilling. + +LADY K.--Not so much. + +K.--Four thousand if it's a shilling. Why, the property adjoins +Kicklebury's--I ought to know. I've shot over it a thousand times. +Heh! I remember, when I was quite a young 'un, how Arabella used to +go out into Tufton Park to meet Charley--and he is a doosid good +fellow, and a gentlemanlike fellow, and a doosid deal better than +this city fellow. + +LADY K.--If you don't like this city fellow, Clarence, why do you +come here? why didn't you stop with your elder brother at +Kicklebury? + +K.--Why didn't I? Why didn't YOU stop at Kicklebury, mamma? +Because you had notice to quit. Serious daughter-in-law, quarrels +about management of the house--row in the building. My brother +interferes, and politely requests mamma to shorten her visit. So +it is with your other two daughters; so it was with Arabella when +she was alive. What shindies you used to have with her, Lady +Kicklebury! Heh! I had a row with my brother and sister about a +confounded little nursery-maid. + +LADY K.--Clarence! + +K.--And so I had notice to quit too. And I'm in very good quarters +here, and I intend to stay in 'em, mamma. I say-- + +LADY K.--What do you say? + +K.--Since I sold out, you know, and the regiment went abroad, +confound me, the brutes at the "Rag" will hardly speak to me! I +was so ill, I couldn't go. Who the doose can live the life I've +led and keep health enough for that infernal Crimea? Besides, how +could I help it? I was so cursedly in debt that I was OBLIGED to +have the money, you know. YOU hadn't got any. + +LADY K.--Not a halfpenny, my darling. I am dreadfully in debt +myself. + +K.--I know you are. So am I. My brother wouldn't give me any, not +a dump. Hang him! Said he had his children to look to. Milliken +wouldn't advance me any more--said I did him in that horse +transaction. He! he! he! so I did! What had I to do but to sell +out? And the fellows cut me, by Jove. Ain't it too bad? I'll +take my name off the "Rag," I will, though. + +LADY K.--We must sow our wild oats, and we must sober down; and we +must live here, where the living is very good and very cheap, +Clarence, you naughty boy! And we must get you a rich wife. Did +you see at church yesterday that young woman in light green, with +rather red hair and a pink bonnet? + +K.--I was asleep, ma'am, most of the time, or I was bookin' up the +odds for the Chester Cup. When I'm bookin' up, I think of nothin' +else, ma'am,--nothin'. + +LADY K.--That was Miss Brocksopp--Briggs, Brown and Brocksopp, the +great sugar-bakers. They say she will have eighty thousand pound. +We will ask her to dinner here. + +K.--I say--why the doose do you have such old women to dinner here? +Why don't you get some pretty girls? Such a set of confounded old +frumps as eat Milliken's mutton I never saw. There's you, and his +old mother Mrs. Bonnington, and old Mrs. Fogram, and old Miss +What's-her-name, the woman with the squint eye, and that immense +Mrs. Crowder. It's so stoopid, that if it weren't for Touchit +coming down sometimes, and the billiards and boatin', I should die +here--expire, by gad! Why don't you have some pretty women into +the house, Lady Kicklebury? + +LADY K.--Why! Do you think I want that picture taken down: and +another Mrs. Milliken? Wisehead! If Horace married again, would +he be your banker, and keep this house, now that ungrateful son of +mine has turned me out of his? No pretty woman shall come into the +house whilst I am here. + +K.--Governess seems a pretty woman: weak eyes, bad figure, poky, +badly dressed, but doosid pretty woman. + +LADY K.--Bah! There is no danger from HER. She is a most faithful +creature, attached to me beyond everything. And her eyes--her eyes +are weak with crying for some young man who is in India. She has +his miniature in her room, locked up in one of her drawers. + +K.--Then how the doose did you come to see it? + +LADY K.--We see a number of things, Clarence. Will you drive with +me? + +K.--Not as I knows on, thank you. No, Ma; drivin's TOO slow: and +you're goin' to call on two or three old dowagers in the Park? +Thank your ladyship for the delightful offer. + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--Please, sir, here's the man with the bill for the boats; two +pound three. + +K.--Damn it, pay it--don't bother ME! + +JOHN.--Haven't got the money, sir. + +LADY K.--Howell! I saw Mr. Milliken give you a cheque for twenty- +five pounds before he went into town this morning. Look sir [runs, +opens drawer, takes out cheque-book]. There it is, marked, +"Howell, 25L." + +JOHN.--Would your ladyship like to step down into my pantry and see +what I've paid with the twenty-five pounds? Did my master leave +any orders that your ladyship was to inspect my accounts? + +LADY K.--Step down into the pantry! inspect your accounts? I never +heard such impertinence. What do you mean, sir? + +K.--Dammy, sir, what do you mean? + +JOHN.--I thought as her ladyship kept a heye over my master's +private book, she might like to look at mine too. + +LADY K.--Upon my word, this insolence is too much. + +JOHN.--I beg your ladyship's pardon. I am sure I have said +nothing. + +K.--Said, sir! your manner is mutinous, by Jove, sir! if I had you +in the regiment!-- + +JOHN.--I understood that you had left the regiment, sir, just +before it went on the campaign, sir. + +K.--Confound you, sir! [Starts up.] + +LADY K.--Clarence, my child, my child! + +JOHN.--Your ladyship needn't be alarmed; I'm a little man, my lady, +but I don't think Mr. Clarence was a-goin' for to hit me, my lady; +not before a lady, I'm sure. I suppose, sir, that you WON'T pay +the boatman? + +K.--No, sir, I won't pay him, nor any man who uses this sort of +damned impertinence! + +JOHN.--I told Rullocks, sir, I thought it was JEST possible you +wouldn't. [Exit.] + +K.--That's a nice man, that is--an impudent villain! + +LADY K.--Ruined by Horace's weakness. He ruins everybody, poor +good-natured Horace! + +K.--Why don't you get rid of the blackguard? + +LADY K.--There is a time for all things, my dear. This man is very +convenient to Horace. Mr. Milliken is exceedingly lazy, and Howell +spares him a great deal of trouble. Some day or other I shall take +all this domestic trouble off his hands. But not yet: your poor +brother-in-law is restive, like many weak men. He is subjected to +other influences: his odious mother thwarts me a great deal. + +K.--Why, you used to be the dearest friends in the world. I +recollect when I was at Eton-- + +LADY K.--Were; but friendship don't last for ever. Mrs. Bonnington +and I have had serious differences since I came to live here: she +has a natural jealousy, perhaps, at my superintending her son's +affairs. When she ceases to visit at the house, as she very +possibly will, things will go more easily; and Mr. Howell will go +too, you may depend upon it. I am always sorry when my temper +breaks out, as it will sometimes. + +K.--Won't it, that's all! + +LADY K.--At his insolence, my temper is high; so is yours, my dear. +Calm it for the present, especially as regards Howell. + +K.--Gad! d'you know I was very nearly pitching into him? But once, +one night in the Haymarket, at a lobster-shop, where I was with +some fellows, we chaffed some other fellows, and there was one +fellah--quite a little fellah--and I pitched into him, and he gave +me the most confounded lickin' I ever had in my life, since my +brother Kicklebury licked me when we were at Eton; and that, you +see, was a lesson to me, ma'am. Never trust those little fellows, +never chaff 'em: dammy, they may be boxers. + +LADY K.--You quarrelsome boy! I remember you coming home with your +naughty head SO bruised. [Looks at watch.] I must go now to take +my drive. [Exit LADY K.] + +K.--I owe a doose of a tick at that billiard-room; I shall have +that boatman dunnin' me. Why hasn't Milliken got any horses to +ride? Hang him! suppose he can't ride--suppose he's a tailor. He +ain't MY tailor, though, though I owe him a doosid deal of money. +There goes mamma with that darling nephew and niece of mine. +[Enter BULKELEY]. Why haven't you gone with my lady, you, sir? +[to Bulkeley.] + +BULKELEY.--My lady have a-took the pony-carriage, sir; Mrs. +Bonnington have a-took the hopen carriage and 'orses, sir, this +mornin', which the Bishop of London is 'olding a confirmation at +Teddington, sir, and Mr. Bonnington is attending the serimony. And +I have told Mr. 'Owell, sir, that my lady would prefer the hopen +carriage, sir, which I like the hexercise myself, sir, and that the +pony-carriage was good enough for Mrs. Bonnington, sir; and Mr. +'Owell was very hinsolent to me, sir; and I don't think I can stay +in the 'ouse with him. + +K.--Hold your jaw, sir. + +BULKELEY.--Yes, sir. [Exit BULKELEY.] + +K.--I wonder who that governess is?--sang rather prettily last +night--wish she'd come and sing now--wish she'd come and amuse me-- +I've seen her face before--where have I seen her face?--it ain't at +all a bad one. What shall I do? dammy, I'll read a book: I've not +read a book this ever so long. What's here? [looks amongst books, +selects one, sinks down in easy-chair so as quite to be lost.] + +Enter Miss PRIOR. + +MISS PRIOR.--There's peace in the house! those noisy children are +away with their grandmamma. The weather is beautiful, and I hope +they will take a long drive. Now I can have a quiet half-hour, and +finish that dear pretty "Ruth"--oh, how it makes me cry, that +pretty story. [Lays down her bonnet on table--goes to glass--takes +off cap and spectacles--arranges her hair--Clarence has got on +chair looking at her.] + +K.--By Jove! I know who it is now! Remember her as well as +possible. Four years ago, when little Foxbury used to dance in the +ballet over the water. DON'T I remember her! She boxed my ears +behind the scenes, by jingo. [Coming forward]. Miss Pemberton! +Star of the ballet! Light of the harem! Don't you remember the +grand Oriental ballet of the "Bulbul and the Peri?" + +MISS P.--Oh! [screams.] No, n--no, sir. You are mistaken: my name +is Prior. I--never was at the "Coburg Theatre." I-- + +K. [seizing her hand].--No, you don't, though! What! don't you +remember well that little hand slapping this face? which nature +hadn't then adorned with whiskers, by gad! You pretend you have +forgotten little Foxbury, whom Charley Calverley used to come +after, and who used to drive to the "Coburg" every night in her +brougham. How did you know it was the "Coburg?" That IS a good +one! HAD you there, I think. + +MISS P.--Sir, in the name of heaven, pity me! I have to keep my +mother and my sisters and my brothers. When--when you saw me, we +were in great poverty; and almost all the wretched earnings I made +at that time were given to my poor father then lying in the Queen's +Bench hard by. You know there was nothing against my character-- +you know there was not. Ask Captain Touchit whether I was not a +good girl. It was he who brought me to this house. + +K.--Touchit! the old villain! + +MISS P.--I had your sister's confidence. I tended her abroad on +her death-bed. I have brought up your nephew and niece. Ask any +one if I have not been honest? As a man, as a gentleman, I entreat +you to keep my secret! I implore you for the sake of my poor +mother and her children! [kneeling.] + +K.--By Jove! how handsome you are! How crying becomes your eyes! +Get up; get up. Of course I'll keep your secret, but-- + +MISS P.--Ah! ah! [She screams as he tries to embrace her. HOWELL +rushes in.] + +HOWELL.--Hands off, you little villain! Stir a step and I'll kill +you, if you were a regiment of captains! What! insult this lady +who kept watch at your sister's death-bed and has took charge of +her children! Don't be frightened, Miss Prior. Julia--dear, dear +Julia--I'm by you. If the scoundrel touches you, I'll kill him. +I--I love you--there--it's here--love you madly--with all my 'art-- +my a-heart! + +MISS P.--Howell--for heaven's sake, Howell! + +K.--Pooh--ooh! [bursting with laughter]. Here's a novel, by jingo! +Here's John in love with the governess. Fond of plush, Miss +Pemberton--ey? Gad, it's the best thing I ever knew. Saved a good +bit, ey, Jeames? Take a public-house? By Jove! I'll buy my beer +there. + +JOHN.--Owe for it, you mean. I don't think your tradesmen profit +much by your custom, ex-Cornet Kicklebury. + +K.--By Jove! I'll do for you, you villain! + +JOHN.--No, not that way, Captain. [Struggles with and throws him.] + +K. [screams.]--Hallo, Bulkeley! [Bulkeley is seen strolling in the +garden.] + +Enter BULKELEY. + +BULKELEY.--What is it, sir? + +K.--Take this confounded villain off me, and pitch him into the +Thames--do you hear? + +JOHN.--Come here, and I'll break every bone in your hulking body. +[To BULKELEY.] + +BULKELEY.--Come, come! whathever his hall this year row about? + +MISS P.--For heaven's sake don't strike that poor man. + +BULKELEY.--YOU be quiet. What's he a-hittin' about my master for? + +JOHN.--Take off your hat, sir, when you speak to a lady. [Takes up +a poker.] And now come on, both of you, cowards! [Rushes at +BULKELEY and knocks his hat off his head.] + +BULKELEY [stepping back].--If you'll put down that there poker, you +know, then I'll pitch into you fast enough. But that there poker +ain't fair, you know. + +K.--You villain! of course you will leave this house. And, Miss +Prior, I think you understand that you will go too. I don't think +my niece wants to learn DANCIN', you understand. Good-by. Here, +Bulkeley! [Gets behind footman and exit.] + +MISS P.--Do you know the meaning of that threat, Mr. Howell? + +JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior. + +MISS P.--I was a dancer once, for three months, four years ago, +when my poor father was in prison. + +JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior, I knew it. And I saw you a many times. + +MISS P.--And you kept my secret? + +JOHN.--Yes, Ju--Jul--Miss Prior. + +MISS P.--Thank you, and God bless you, John Howell. There, there. +You mustn't! indeed you mustn't! + +JOHN.--You don't remember the printer's boy who used to come to Mr. +O'Reilly, and sit in your 'all in Bury Street, Miss Prior? I was +that boy. I was a country-bred boy--that is if you call Putney +country, and Wimbledon Common and that. I served the Milliken +family seven year. I went with Master Horace to college, and then +I revolted against service, and I thought I'd be a man and turn +printer like Doctor Frankling. And I got in an office: and I went +with proofs to Mr. O'Reilly, and I saw you. And though I might +have been in love with somebody else before I did--yet it was all +hup when I saw you. + +MISS P. [kindly.]--YOU must not talk to me in that way, John +Howell. + +JOHN.--Let's tell the tale out. I couldn't stand the newspaper +night-work. I had a mother and brothers and sisters to keep, as +you had. I went back to Horace Milliken and said, Sir, I've lost +my work. I and mine want bread. Will you take me back again? And +he did. He's a kind, kind soul is my master. + +MISS P.--He IS a kind, kind soul. + +JOHN.--He's good to all the poor. His hand's in his pocket for +everybody. Everybody takes advantage of him. His mother-in-lor +rides over him. So does his Ma. So do I, I may say; but that's +over now; and you and I have had our notice to quit. Miss, I +should say. + +MISS P.--Yes. + +JOHN.--I have saved a bit of money--not much--a hundred pound. +Miss Prior--Julia--here I am--look--I'm a poor feller--a poor +servant--but I've the heart of a man--and--I love you--oh! I love +you! + +MARY.--Oh ho--ho! [Mary has entered from garden, and bursts out +crying.] + +MISS P.--It can't be, John Howell--my dear, brave, kind John +Howell. It can't be. I have watched this for some time past, and +poor Mary's despair here. [Kisses Mary, who cries plentifully.] +You have the heart of a true, brave man, and must show it and prove +it now. I am not--am not of your pardon me for saying so--of your +class in life. I was bred by my uncle, away from my poor parents, +though I came back to them after his sudden death; and to poverty, +and to this dependent life I am now leading. I am a servant, like +you, John, but in another sphere--have to seek another place now; +and heaven knows if I shall procure one, now that that unlucky +passage in my life is known. Oh, the coward to recall it! the +coward! + +MARY.--But John whopped him, Miss! that he did. He gave it him +well, John did. [Crying.] + +MISS P.--You can't--you ought not to forego an attachment like +that, John Howell. A more honest and true-hearted creature never +breathed than Mary Barlow. + +JOHN.--No, indeed. + +MISS P.--She has loved you since she was a little child. And you +loved her once, and do now, John. + +MARY.--Oh, Miss! you hare a hangel,--I hallways said you were a +hangel. + +MISS P.--You are better than I am, my dear much, much better than I +am, John. The curse of my poverty has been that I have had to +flatter and to dissemble, and hide the faults of those I wanted to +help, and to smile when I was hurt, and laugh when I was sad, and +to coax, and to tack, and to bide my time,--not with Mr. Milliken: +he is all honor, and kindness, and simplicity. Who did HE ever +injure, or what unkind word did HE ever say? But do you think, +with the jealousy of those poor ladies over his house, I could have +stayed here without being a hypocrite to both of them? Go, John. +My good, dear friend, John Howell, marry Mary. You'll be happier +with her than with me. There! There! [They embrace.] + +MARY.--O--o--o! I think I'll go and hiron hout Miss Harabella's +frocks now. [Exit MARY.] + +Enter MILLIKEN with CLARENCE--who is explaining things to him. + +CLARENCE.--Here they are, I give you my word of honor. Ask 'em, +damn em. + +MILLIKEN.--What is this I hear? You, John Howell, have dared to +strike a gentleman under my roof! Your master's brother-in-law? + +JOHN.--Yes, by Jove! and I'd do it again. + +MILLIKEN.--Are you drunk or mad, Howell? + +JOHN.--I'm as sober and as sensible as ever I was in my life, sir-- +I not only struck the master, but I struck the man, who's twice as +big, only not quite as big a coward, I think. + +MILLIKEN.--Hold your scurrilous tongues sir! My good nature ruins +everybody about me. Make up your accounts. Pack your trunks--and +never let me see your face again. + +JOHN.--Very good, sir. + +MILLIKEN.--I suppose, Miss Prior, you will also be disposed to--to +follow Mr. Howell? + +MISS P.--To quit you, now you know what has passed? I never +supposed it could be otherwise--I deceived you, Mr. Milliken--as I +kept a secret from you, and must pay the penalty. It is a relief +to me, the sword has been hanging over me. I wish I had told your +poor wife, as I was often minded to do. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, you were minded to do it in Italy, were you? + +MISS P.--Captain Touchit knew it, sir, all along: and that my +motives and, thank God, my life were honorable. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, Touchit knew it, did he? and thought it honorable-- +honorable. Ha! ha! to marry a footman--and keep a public-house? +I--I beg your pardon, John Howell--I mean nothing against you, you +know. You're an honorable man enough, except that you have been +damned insolent to my brother-in-law. + +JOHN.--Oh, heaven! [JOHN strikes his forehead, and walks away.] + +MISS P.--You mistake me, sir. What I wished to speak of was the +fact which this gentleman has no doubt communicated to you--that I +danced on the stage for three months. + +MILLIKEN.--Oh, yes. Oh, damme, yes. I forgot. I wasn't thinking +of that. + +KICKLEBURY.--You see she owns it. + +MISS P.--We were in the depths of poverty. Our furniture and +lodging-house under execution--from which Captain Touchit, when he +came to know of our difficulties, nobly afterwards released us. My +father was in prison, and wanted shillings for medicine, and I--I +went and danced on the stage. + +MILLIKEN.--Well? + +MISS P.--And I kept the secret afterwards; knowing that I could +never hope as governess to obtain a place after having been a +stage-dancer. + +MILLIKEN.--Of course you couldn't,--it's out of the question; and +may I ask, are you going to resume that delightful profession when +you enter the married state with Mr. Howell? + +MISS P.--Poor John! it is not I who am going to--that is, it's +Mary, the school-room maid. + +MILLIKEN.--Eternal blazes! Have you turned Mormon, John Howell, +and are you going to marry the whole house? + +JOHN.--I made a hass of myself about Miss Prior. I couldn't help +her being l--l--lovely. + +KICK.--Gad, he proposed to her in my presence. + +JOHN.--What I proposed to her, Cornet Clarence Kicklebury, was my +heart and my honor, and my best, and my everything--and you--you +wanted to take advantage of her secret, and you offered her +indignities, and you laid a cowardly hand on her--a cowardly hand!-- +and I struck you, and I'd do it again. + +MILLIKEN.--What? Is this true? [Turning round very fiercely to K.] + +KICK.--Gad! Well--I only-- + +MILLIKEN.--You only what? You only insulted a lady under my roof-- +the friend and nurse of your dead sister--the guardian of my +children. You only took advantage of a defenceless girl, and would +have extorted your infernal pay out of her fear. You miserable +sneak and coward! + +KICK.--Hallo! Come, come! I say I won't stand this sort of chaff. +Dammy, I'll send a friend to you! + +MILLIKEN.--Go out of that window, sir. March! or I will tell my +servant, John Howell, to kick you out, you wretched little scamp! +Tell that big brute,--what's-his-name?--Lady Kicklebury's man, to +pack this young man's portmanteau and bear's-grease pots; and if +ever you enter these doors again, Clarence Kicklebury, by the +heaven that made me!--by your sister who is dead!--I will cane your +life out of your bones. Angel in heaven! Shade of my Arabella--to +think that your brother in your house should be found to insult the +guardian of your children! + +JOHN.--By jingo, you're a good-plucked one! I knew he was, Miss,-- +I told you he was. [Exit, shaking hands with his master, and with +Miss P., and dancing for joy. Exit CLARENCE, scared, out of +window.] + +JOHN [without].--Bulkeley! pack up the Capting's luggage! + +MILLIKEN.--How can I ask your pardon, Miss Prior? In my wife's +name I ask it--in the name of that angel whose dying-bed you +watched and soothed--of the innocent children whom you have +faithfully tended since. + +MISS P.--Ah, sir! it is granted when you speak so to me. + +MILLIKEN.--Eh, eh--d--don't call me sir! + +MISS P.--It is for me to ask pardon for hiding what you know now: +but if I had told you--you--you never would have taken me into your +house--your wife never would. + +MILLIKEN.--No, no. [Weeping.] + +MISS P.--My dear, kind Captain Touchit knows it all. It was by his +counsel I acted. He it was who relieved our distress. Ask him +whether my conduct was not honorable--ask him whether my life was +not devoted to my parents--ask him when--when I am gone. + +MILLIKEN.--When you are gone, Julia! Why are you going? Why +should you go, my love--that is--why need you go, in the devil's +name? + +MISS P.--Because, when your mother--when your mother-in-law come to +hear that your children's governess has been a dancer on the stage, +they will send me away, and you will not have the power to resist +them. They ought to send me away, sir; but I have acted honestly +by the children and their poor mother, and you'll think of me +kindly when--I--am--gone? + +MILLIKEN.--Julia, my dearest--dear--noble--dar--the devil! here's +old Kicklebury. + +Enter Lady K., Children, and CLARENCE. + +LADY K.--So, Miss Prior! this is what I hear, is it? A dancer in +my house! a serpent in my bosom--poisoning--yes, poisoning those +blessed children! occasioning quarrels between my own son and my +dearest son-in-law; flirting with the footman! When do you intend +to leave, madam, the house which you have po--poll--luted? + +MISS P.--I need no hard language, Lady Kicklebury: and I will reply +to none. I have signified to Mr. Milliken my wish to leave his +house. + +MILLIKEN.--Not, not, if you will stay. [To Miss P.] + +LADY K.--Stay, Horace! she shall NEVER stay as governess in this +house! + +MILLIKEN.--Julia! will you stay as mistress? You have known me +for a year alone--before, not so well--when the house had a +mistress that is gone. You know what my temper is, and that my +tastes are simple, and my heart not unkind. I have watched you, +and have never seen you out of temper, though you have been tried. +I have long thought you good and beautiful, but I never thought to +ask the question which I put to you now:--come in, sir! [to +CLARENCE at door]:--now that you have been persecuted by those who +ought to have upheld you, and insulted by those who owed you +gratitude and respect. I am tired of their domination, and as +weary of a man's cowardly impertinence [to CLARENCE] as of a +woman's jealous tyranny. They have made what was my Arabella's +home miserable by their oppression and their quarrels. Julia! my +wife's friend, my children's friend! be mine, and make me happy! +Don't leave me, Julia! say you won't--say you won't--dearest-- +dearest girl! + +MISS P.--I won't--leave--you. + +GEORGE [without].--Oh, I say! Arabella, look here: here's papa +a-kissing Miss Prior! + +LADY K.--Horace--Clarence my son! Shade of my Arabella! can you +behold this horrible scene, and not shudder in heaven! Bulkeley! +Clarence! go for a doctor--go to Doctor Straitwaist at the Asylum-- +Horace Milliken, who has married the descendant of the Kickleburys +of the Conqueror, marry a dancing-girl off the stage! Horace +Milliken! do you wish to see me die in convulsions at your feet? I +writhe there, I grovel there. Look! look at me on my knees! your +own mother-in-law! drive away this fiend! + +MILLIKEN.--Hem! I ought to thank you, Lady Kicklebury, for it is +you that have given her to me. + +LADY K.--He won't listen! he turns away and kisses her horrible +hand. This will never do: help me up, Clarence, I must go and +fetch his mother. Ah, ah! there she is, there she is! [Lady K. +rushes out, as the top of a barouche, with Mr. and Mrs. BONNINGTON +and Coachman, is seen over the gate.] + +MRS. B.--What is this I hear, my son, my son? You are going to +marry a--a stage-dancer? you are driving me mad, Horace! + +MILLIKEN.--Give me my second chance, mother, to be happy. You have +had yourself two chances. + +MRS. B.--Speak to him, Mr. Bonnington. [BONNINGTON makes dumb +show.] + +LADY K.--Implore him, Mr. Bonnington. + +MRS. B.--Pray, pray for him, Mr. Bonnington, my love--my lost, +abandoned boy! + +LADY K.--Oh, my poor dear Mrs. Bonnington! + +MRS. B.--Oh, my poor dear Lady Kicklebury. [They embrace each +other.] + +LADY K.--I have been down on my knees to him, dearest Mrs. +Bonnington. + +MRS. B.--Let us both--both go down on our knees--I WILL [to her +husband]. Edward, I will! [Both ladies on their knees. +BONNINGTON with outstretched hands behind them.] Look, unhappy +boy! look, Horace! two mothers on their wretched knees before you, +imploring you to send away this monster! Speak to him, Mr. +Bonnington. Edward! use authority with him, if he will not listen +to his mother-- + +LADY K.--To his mothers! + +Enter TOUCHIT. + +TOUCHIT.--What is this comedy going on, ladies and gentlemen? The +ladies on their elderly knees--Miss Prior with her hair down her +back. Is it tragedy or comedy--is it a rehearsal for a charade, or +are we acting for Horace's birthday? or, oh!--I beg your +Reverence's pardon--you were perhaps going to a professional duty? + +MR. B.--It's WE who are praying this child, Touchit. This child, +with whom you used to come home from Westminster when you were +boys. You have influence with him; he listens to you. Entreat him +to pause in his madness. + +TOUCHIT.--What madness? + +MRS. B.--That--that woman--that serpent yonder--that--that dancing- +woman, whom you introduced to Arabella Milliken,--ah! and I rue the +day:--Horace is going to mum--mum--marry her! + +TOUCHIT.--Well! I always thought he would. Ever since I saw him +and her playing at whist together, when I came down here a month +ago, I thought he would do it. + +MRS. B.--Oh, it's the whist, the whist! Why did I ever play at +whist, Edward? My poor Mr. Milliken used to like his rubber. + +TOUCHIT.--Since he has been a widower-- + +LADY K.--A widower of that angel! [Points to picture.] + +TOUCHIT.--Pooh, pooh, angel! You two ladies have never given the +poor fellow any peace. You were always quarrelling over him. You +took possession of his house, bullied his servants, spoiled his +children; you did, Lady Kicklebury. + +LADY K.--Sir, you are a rude, low, presuming, vulgar man. +Clarence! beat this rude man! + +TOUCHIT.--From what I have heard of your amiable son, he is not in +the warlike line, I think. My dear Julia, I am delighted with all +my heart that my old friend should have found a woman of sense, +good conduct, good temper--a woman who has had many trials, and +borne them with great patience--to take charge of him and make him +happy. Horace, give me your hand! I knew Miss Prior in great +poverty. I am sure she will bear as nobly her present good +fortune; for good fortune it is to any woman to become the wife of +such a loyal, honest, kindly gentleman as you are! + +Enter JOHN. + +JOHN.--If you please, my lady--if you please, sir--Bulkeley-- + +LADY K.--What of Bulkeley, sir? + +JOHN.--He has packed his things, and Cornet Kicklebury's things, my +lady. + +MILLIKEN.--Let the fellow go. + +JOHN.--He won't go, sir, till my lady have paid him his book and +wages. Here's the book, sir. + +LADY K.--Insolence! quit my presence! And I, Mr. Milliken, will +quit a house-- + +JOHN.--Shall I call your ladyship a carriage? + +LADY K.--Where I have met with rudeness, cruelty, and fiendish [to +Miss P., who smiles and curtsies]--yes, fiendish ingratitude. I +will go, I say, as soon as I have made arrangements for taking +other lodgings. You cannot expect a lady of fashion to turn out +like a servant. + +JOHN.--Hire the "Star and Garter" for her, sir. Send down to the +"Castle;" anything to get rid of her. I'll tell her maid to pack +her traps. Pinhorn! [Beckons maid and gives orders.] + +TOUCHIT.--You had better go at once, my dear Lady Kicklebury. + +LADY K.--Sir! + +TOUCHIT.--THE OTHER MOTHER-IN-LAW IS COMING! I met her on the road +with all her family. He! he! he! [Screams.] + +Enter Mrs. PRIOR and Children. + +MRS. P.--My lady! I hope your ladyship is quite well! Dear, kind +Mrs. Bonnington! I came to pay my duty to you, ma'am. This is +Charlotte, my lady--the great girl whom your ladyship so kindly +promised the gown for; and this is my little girl, Mrs. Bonnington, +ma'am, please; and this is my Bluecoat boy. Go and speak to dear, +kind Mr. Milliken--our best friend and protector--the son and son- +in-law of these dear ladies. Look, sir! He has brought his copy +to show you. [Boy shows copy.] Ain't it creditable to a boy of +his age, Captain Touchit? And my best and most grateful services +to you, sir. Julia, Julia, my dear, where's your cap and +spectacles, you stupid thing? You've let your hair drop down. +What! what!--[Begins to be puzzled.] + +MRS. B.--Is this collusion, madam? + +MRS. P.--Collusion, dear Mrs. Bonnington! + +LADY K.--Or insolence, Mrs. Prior! + +MRS. P.--Insolence, your ladyship! What--what is it? what has +happened? What's Julia's hair down for? Ah! you've not sent the +poor girl away? the poor, poor child, and the poor, poor children! + +TOUCHIT.--That dancing at the "Coburg" has come out, Mrs. Prior. + +MRS. P.--Not the darling's fault. It was to help her poor father +in prison. It was I who forced her to do it. Oh! don't, don't, +dear Lady Kicklebury, take the bread out of the mouths of these +poor orphans! [Crying.] + +MILLIKEN.--Enough of this, Mrs. Prior: your daughter is not going +away. Julia has promised to stay with me--and--never to leave me-- +as governess no longer, but as wife to me. + +MRS. P.--Is it--is it true, Julia? + +MISS P.--Yes, mamma. + +MRS. P.--Oh! oh! oh! [Flings down her umbrella, kisses JULIA, and +running to MILLIKEN,] My son, my son! Come here, children. Come, +Adolphus, Amelia, Charlotte--kiss your dear brother, children. +What, my dears! How do you do, dears? [to MILLIKEN'S children]. +Have they heard the news? And do you know that my daughter is +going to be your mamma? There--there--go and play with your little +uncles and aunts, that's good children! [She motions off the +Children, who retire towards garden. Her manner changes to one of +great patronage and intense satisfaction.] Most hot weather, your +ladyship, I'm sure. Mr. Bonnington, you must find it hot weather +for preachin'! Lor'! there's that little wretch beatin' Adolphus! +George, sir! have done, sir! [Runs to separate them.] How ever +shall we make those children agree, Julia? + +MISS P.--They have been a little spoiled, and I think Mr. Milliken +will send George and Arabella to school, mamma: will you not, +Horace? + +MR. MILLIKEN.--I think school will be the very best thing for them. + +MRS. P.--And [Mrs. P. whispers, pointing to her own children] the +blue room, the green room, the rooms old Lady Kick has--plenty of +room for us, my dear! + +MISS P.--No, mamma, I think it will be too large a party,--Mr. +Milliken has often said that he would like to go abroad, and I hope +that now he will be able to make his tour. + +MRS. P.--Oh, then! we can live in the house, you know: what's the +use of payin' lodgin', my dear? + +MISS P.--The house is going to be painted. You had best live in +your own house, mamma; and if you want anything, Horace, Mr. +Milliken, I am sure, will make it comfortable for you. He has had +too many visitors of late, and will like a more quiet life, I +think. Will you not? + +MILLIKEN.--I shall like a life with YOU, Julia. + +JOHN.--Cab, sir, for her ladyship! + +LADY K.--This instant let me go! Call my people. Clarence, your +arm! Bulkeley, Pinhorn! Mrs. Bonnington, I wish you good-morning! +Arabella, angel! [looks at picture] I leave you. I shall come to +you ere long. [Exit, refusing MILLIKEN's hand, passes up garden, +with her servants following her. MARY and other servants of the +house are collected together, whom Lady K. waves off. Bluecoat boy +on wall eating plums. Page, as she goes, cries, Hurray, hurray! +Bluecoat boy cries, Hurray! When Lady K. is gone, JOHN advances.] + +JOHN.--I think I heard you say, sir, that it was your intention to +go abroad? + +MILLIKEN.--Yes; oh, yes! Are we going abroad, my Julia? + +MISS P.--To settle matters, to have the house painted, and clear +[pointing to children, mother, &c.] Don't you think it is the best +thing that we can do? + +MILLIKEN.--Surely, surely: we are going abroad. Howell, you will +come with us of course, and with your experiences you will make a +capital courier. Won't Howell make a capital courier, Julia? Good +honest fellow, John Howell. Beg your pardon for being so rude to +you just now. But my temper is very hot, very. + +JOHN [laughing].--You are a Tartar, sir. Such a tyrant! isn't he, +ma'am? + +MISS P.--Well, no; I don't think you have a very bad temper, Mr. +Milliken, a--Horace. + +JOHN.--You must--take care of him--alone, Miss Prior--Julia--I mean +Mrs. Milliken. Man and boy I've waited on him this fifteen year: +with the exception of that trial at the printing-office, which-- +which I won't talk of NOW, madam. I never knew him angry; though +many a time I have known him provoked. I never knew him say a hard +word, though sometimes perhaps we've deserved it. Not often--such +a good master as that is pretty sure of getting a good servant-- +that is, if a man has a heart in his bosom; and these things are +found both in and out of livery. Yes, I have been a honest servant +to him,--haven't I, Mr. Milliken? + +MILLIKEN.--Indeed, yes, John. + +JOHN.--And so has Mary Barlow. Mary, my dear! [Mary comes +forward.] Will you allow me to introduce you, sir, to the futur' +Mrs. Howell?--if Mr. Bonnington does YOUR little business for you, +as I dare say [turning to Mr. B.], hold gov'nor, you will!--Make it +up with your poor son, Mrs. Bonnington, ma'am. You have took a +second 'elpmate, why shouldn't Master Horace? [to Mrs. B.] He--he +wants somebody to help him, and take care of him, more than you do. + +TOUCHIT.--You never spoke a truer word in your life, Howell. + +JOHN.--It's my general 'abit, Capting, to indulge in them sort of +statements. A true friend I have been to my master, and a true +friend I'll remain when he's my master no more. + +MILLIKEN.--Why, John, you are not going to leave me? + +JOHN.--It's best, sir, I should go. I--I'm not fit to be a servant +in this house any longer. I wish to sit in my own little home, +with my own little wife by my side. Poor dear! you've no +conversation, Mary, but you're a good little soul. We've saved a +hundred pound apiece, and if we want more, I know who won't grudge +it us, a good fellow--a good master--for whom I've saved many a +hundred pound myself, and will take the "Milliken Arms" at old +Pigeoncot--and once a year or so, at this hanniversary, we will pay +our respects to you, sir, and madam. Perhaps we will bring some +children with us, perhaps we will find some more in this villa. +Bless 'em beforehand! Good-by, sir, and madam--come away, Mary! +[going]. + +MRS. P. [entering with clothes, &c.]--She has not left a single +thing in her room. Amelia, come here! this cloak will do capital +for you, and this--this garment is the very thing for Adolphus. +Oh, John! eh, Howell! will you please to see that my children have +something to eat, immediately! The Milliken children, I suppose, +have dined already? + +JOHN.--Yes, ma'am; certainly, ma'am. + +MRS. P.--I see he is inclined to be civil to me NOW! + +MISS P.--John Howell is about to leave us, mamma. He is engaged to +Mary Barlow, and when we go away, he is going to set up +housekeeping for himself. Good-by, and thank you, John Howell +[gives her hand to JOHN, but with great reserve of manner]. You +have been a kind and true friend to us--if ever we can serve you, +count upon us--may he not, Mr. Milliken? + +MILLIKEN.--Always, always. + +MISS P.--But you will still wait upon us--upon Mr. Milliken, for a +day or two, won't you, John, until we--until Mr. Milliken has found +some one to replace you. He will never find any one more honest +than you, and good, kind little Mary. Thank you, Mary, for your +goodness to the poor governess. + +MARY.--Oh miss! oh mum! [Miss P. kisses Mary patronizingly]. + +MISS P. [to JOHN].--And after they have had some refreshment, get a +cab for my brothers and sister, if you please, John. Don't you +think that will be best, my--my dear? + +MILLIKEN.--Of course, of course, dear Julia! + +MISS P.--And, Captain Touchit, you will stay, I hope, and dine with +Mr. Milliken? And, Mrs. Bonnington, if you will receive as a +daughter one who has always had a sincere regard for you, I think +you will aid in making your son happy, as I promise you with all my +heart and all my life to endeavor to do. [Miss P. and M. go up to +Mrs. BONNINGTON.] + +MRS. BONNINGTON.--Well, there, then, since it must be so, bless +you, my children. + +TOUCHIT.--Spoken like a sensible woman! And now, as I do not wish +to interrupt this felicity, I will go and dine at the "Star and +Garter." + +MISS P.--My dear Captain Touchit, not for worlds! Don't you know I +mustn't be alone with Mr. Milliken until--until--? + +MILLIKEN.--Until I am made the happiest man alive! and you will +come down and see us often, Touchit, won't you? And we hope to see +our friends here often. And we will have a little life and spirit +and gayety in the place. Oh, mother! oh, George! oh, Julia! what a +comfort it is to me to think that I am released from the tyranny of +that terrible mother-in-law! + +MRS. PRIOR.--Come in to your teas, children. Come this moment, I +say. [The Children pass quarrelling behind the characters, Mrs. +PRIOR summoning them; JOHN and MARY standing on each side of the +dining-room door, as the curtain falls.] + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext The Wolves and the Lamb by Thackeray + diff --git a/old/wlvlm10.zip b/old/wlvlm10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..276e946 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/wlvlm10.zip |
