diff options
Diffstat (limited to '2791.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 2791.txt | 5148 |
1 files changed, 5148 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/2791.txt b/2791.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4265a57 --- /dev/null +++ b/2791.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5148 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Essays and Tales, by Joseph Addison, Edited +by Henry Morley + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Essays and Tales + + +Author: Joseph Addison + +Editor: Henry Morley + +Release Date: October 18, 2007 [eBook #2791] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESSAYS AND TALES*** + + +Credit + + + + +Transcribed from the 1888 Cassell & Company edition by David Price, email +ccx074@pglaf.org + +CASSELL'S NATIONAL LIBRARY. + + + + + +ESSAYS AND TALES + + +BY +JOSEPH ADDISON. + +CASSELL & COMPANY, LIMITED: +_LONDON_, _PARIS_, _NEW YORK & MELBOURNE_. +1888. + +Contents: + +Introduction +Public Credit +Household Superstitions +Opera Lions +Women and Wives +The Italian Opera +Lampoons +True and False Humour +Sa Ga Yean Qua Rash Tow's Impressions of London +The Vision of Marraton +Six Papers on Wit +Friendship +Chevy-Chase (Two Papers) +A Dream of the Painters +Spare Time (Two Papers) +Censure +The English Language +The Vision of Mirza +Genius +Theodosius and Constantia +Good Nature +A Grinning Match +Trust in God + + + + +INTRODUCTION. + + +The sixty-fourth volume of this Library contains those papers from the +_Tatler_ which were especially associated with the imagined character of +ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, who was the central figure in that series; and in the +twenty-ninth volume there is a similar collection of papers relating to +the Spectator Club and SIR ROGER DE COVERLEY, who was the central figure +in Steele and Addison's _Spectator_. Those volumes contained, no doubt, +some of the best Essays of Addison and Steele. But in the _Tatler_ and +_Spectator_ are full armouries of the wit and wisdom of these two +writers, who summoned into life the army of the Essayists, and led it on +to kindly war against the forces of Ill-temper and Ignorance. Envy, +Hatred, Malice, and all their first cousins of the family of +Uncharitableness, are captains under those two commanders-in-chief, and +we can little afford to dismiss from the field two of the stoutest +combatants against them. In this volume it is only Addison who speaks; +and in another volume, presently to follow, there will be the voice of +Steele. + +The two friends differed in temperament and in many of the outward signs +of character; but these two little books will very distinctly show how +wholly they agreed as to essentials. For Addison, Literature had a charm +of its own; he delighted in distinguishing the finer graces of good +style, and he drew from the truths of life the principles of taste in +writing. For Steele, Literature was the life itself; he loved a true +book for the soul he found in it. So he agreed with Addison in judgment. +But the six papers on "Wit," the two papers on "Chevy Chase," contained +in this volume; the eleven papers on "Imagination," and the papers on +"Paradise Lost," which may be given in some future volume; were in a form +of study for which Addison was far more apt than Steele. Thus as fellow- +workers they gave a breadth to the character of _Tatler_ and _Spectator_ +that could have been produced by neither of them, singly. + +The reader of this volume will never suppose that the artist's pleasure +in good art and in analysis of its constituents removes him from direct +enjoyment of the life about him; that he misses a real contact with all +the world gives that is worth his touch. Good art is but nature, studied +with love trained to the most delicate perception; and the good criticism +in which the spirit of an artist speaks is, like Addison's, calm, simple, +and benign. Pope yearned to attack John Dennis, a rough critic of the +day, who had attacked his "Essay on Criticism." Addison had discouraged +a very small assault of words. When Dennis attacked Addison's "Cato," +Pope thought himself free to strike; but Addison took occasion to +express, through Steele, a serious regret that he had done so. True +criticism may be affected, as Addison's was, by some bias in the canons +of taste prevalent in the writer's time, but, as Addison's did in the +Chevy-Chase papers, it will dissent from prevalent misapplications of +them, and it can never associate perception of the purest truth and +beauty with petty arrogance, nor will it so speak as to give pain. When +Wordsworth was remembering with love his mother's guidance of his +childhood, and wished to suggest that there were mothers less wise in +their ways, he was checked, he said, by the unwillingness to join thought +of her "with any thought that looks at others' blame." So Addison felt +towards his mother Nature, in literature and in life. He attacked +nobody. With a light, kindly humour, that was never personal and never +could give pain, he sought to soften the harsh lines of life, abate its +follies, and inspire the temper that alone can overcome its wrongs. + +Politics, in which few then knew how to think calmly and recognise the +worth of various opinion, Steele and Addison excluded from the pages of +the _Spectator_. But the first paper in this volume is upon "Public +Credit," and it did touch on the position of the country at a time when +the shock of change caused by the Revolution of 1688-89, and also the +strain of foreign war, were being severely felt. + +H. M. + + + + +PUBLIC CREDIT. + + + --_Quoi quisque fere studio devinctus adhaeret_ + _Aut quibus i rebus multum sumus ante morati_ + _Atque in quo ratione fuit contenta magis mens_, + _In somnis cadem plerumque videmur obire_. + + LUCR., iv. 959. + + --What studies please, what most delight, + And fill men's thoughts, they dream them o'er at night. + + CREECH. + +In one of my rambles, or rather speculations, I looked into the great +hall where the bank is kept, and was not a little pleased to see the +directors, secretaries, and clerks, with all the other members of that +wealthy corporation, ranged in their several stations, according to the +parts they act in that just and regular economy. This revived in my +memory the many discourses which I had both read and heard concerning the +decay of public credit, with the methods of restoring it; and which, in +my opinion, have always been defective, because they have always been +made with an eye to separate interests and party principles. + +The thoughts of the day gave my mind employment for the whole night; so +that I fell insensibly into a kind of methodical dream, which disposed +all my contemplations into a vision, or allegory, or what else the reader +shall please to call it. + +Methoughts I returned to the great hall, where I had been the morning +before; but to my surprise, instead of the company that I left there, I +saw, towards the upper end of the hall, a beautiful virgin, seated on a +throne of gold. Her name, as they told me, was Public Credit. The +walls, instead of being adorned with pictures and maps, were hung with +many Acts of Parliament written in golden letters. At the upper end of +the hall was the Magna Charta, with the Act of Uniformity on the right +hand, and the Act of Toleration on the left. At the lower end of the +hall was the Act of Settlement, which was placed full in the eye of the +virgin that sat upon the throne. Both the sides of the hall were covered +with such Acts of Parliament as had been made for the establishment of +public funds. The lady seemed to set an unspeakable value upon these +several pieces of furniture, insomuch that she often refreshed her eye +with them, and often smiled with a secret pleasure as she looked upon +them; but, at the same time, showed a very particular uneasiness if she +saw anything approaching that might hurt them. She appeared, indeed, +infinitely timorous in all her behaviour: and whether it was from the +delicacy of her constitution, or that she was troubled with vapours, as I +was afterwards told by one who I found was none of her well-wishers, she +changed colour and startled at everything she heard. She was likewise, +as I afterwards found, a greater valetudinarian than any I had ever met +with, even in her own sex, and subject to such momentary consumptions, +that in the twinkling of an eye, she would fall away from the most florid +complexion and the most healthful state of body, and wither into a +skeleton. Her recoveries were often as sudden as her decays, insomuch +that she would revive in a moment out of a wasting distemper, into a +habit of the highest health and vigour. + +I had very soon an opportunity of observing these quick turns and changes +in her constitution. There sat at her feet a couple of secretaries, who +received every hour letters from all parts of the world, which the one or +the other of them was perpetually reading to her; and according to the +news she heard, to which she was exceedingly attentive, she changed +colour, and discovered many symptoms of health or sickness. + +Behind the throne was a prodigious heap of bags of money, which were +piled upon one another so high that they touched the ceiling. The floor +on her right hand and on her left was covered with vast sums of gold that +rose up in pyramids on either side of her. But this I did not so much +wonder at, when I heard, upon inquiry, that she had the same virtue in +her touch, which the poets tell us a Lydian king was formerly possessed +of; and that she could convert whatever she pleased into that precious +metal. + +After a little dizziness, and confused hurry of thought, which a man +often meets with in a dream, methoughts the hall was alarmed, the doors +flew open, and there entered half a dozen of the most hideous phantoms +that I had ever seen, even in a dream, before that time. They came in +two by two, though matched in the most dissociable manner, and mingled +together in a kind of dance. It would be tedious to describe their +habits and persons; for which reason I shall only inform my reader, that +the first couple were Tyranny and Anarchy; the second were Bigotry and +Atheism; the third, the Genius of a commonwealth and a young man of about +twenty-two years of age, whose name I could not learn. He had a sword in +his right hand, which in the dance he often brandished at the Act of +Settlement; and a citizen, who stood by me, whispered in my ear, that he +saw a sponge in his left hand. The dance of so many jarring natures put +me in mind of the sun, moon, and earth, in the _Rehearsal_, that danced +together for no other end but to eclipse one another. + +The reader will easily suppose, by what has been before said, that the +lady on the throne would have been almost frighted to distraction, had +she seen but any one of the spectres: what then must have been her +condition when she saw them all in a body? She fainted, and died away at +the sight. + + _Et neque jam color est misto candore rubori_; + _Nec vigor_, _et vires_, _et quae modo rise placebant_; + _Nec corpus remanet_--. + + OVID, _Met. iii._ 491. + + --Her spirits faint, + Her blooming cheeks assume a pallid teint, + And scarce her form remains. + +There was as great a change in the hill of money-bags and the heaps of +money, the former shrinking and falling into so many empty bags, that I +now found not above a tenth part of them had been filled with money. + +The rest, that took up the same space and made the same figure as the +bags that were really filled with money, had been blown up with air, and +called into my memory the bags full of wind, which Homer tells us his +hero received as a present from AEolus. The great heaps of gold on +either side the throne now appeared to be only heaps of paper, or little +piles of notched sticks, bound up together in bundles, like Bath faggots. + +Whilst I was lamenting this sudden desolation that had been made before +me, the whole scene vanished. In the room of the frightful spectres, +there now entered a second dance of apparitions, very agreeably matched +together, and made up of very amiable phantoms: the first pair was +Liberty with Monarchy at her right hand; the second was Moderation +leading in Religion; and the third, a person whom I had never seen, with +the Genius of Great Britain. At the first entrance, the lady revived; +the bags swelled to their former bulk; the piles of faggots and heaps of +paper changed into pyramids of guineas: and, for my own part, I was so +transported with joy that I awaked, though I must confess I would fain +have fallen asleep again to have closed my vision, if I could have done +it. + + + + +HOUSEHOLD SUPERSTITIONS. + + + _Somnia_, _terrores magicos_, _miracula_, _sagas_, + _Nocturnos lemures_, _portentaque Thessala rides_? + + HOR., _Ep._ ii. 2, 208. + + Visions and magic spells, can you despise, + And laugh at witches, ghosts, and prodigies? + +Going yesterday to dine with an old acquaintance, I had the misfortune to +find his whole family very much dejected. Upon asking him the occasion +of it, he told me that his wife had dreamt a very strange dream the night +before, which they were afraid portended some misfortune to themselves or +to their children. At her coming into the room, I observed a settled +melancholy in her countenance, which I should have been troubled for, had +I not heard from whence it proceeded. We were no sooner sat down, but, +after having looked upon me a little while, "My dear," says she, turning +to her husband, "you may now see the stranger that was in the candle last +night." Soon after this, as they began to talk of family affairs, a +little boy at the lower end of the table told her that he was to go into +join-hand on Thursday. "Thursday!" says she. "No, child; if it please +God, you shall not begin upon Childermas-day; tell your writing-master +that Friday will be soon enough." I was reflecting with myself on the +oddness of her fancy, and wondering that anybody would establish it as a +rule, to lose a day in every week. In the midst of these my musings, she +desired me to reach her a little salt upon the point of my knife, which I +did in such a trepidation and hurry of obedience that I let it drop by +the way; at which she immediately startled, and said it fell towards her. +Upon this I looked very blank; and observing the concern of the whole +table, began to consider myself, with some confusion, as a person that +had brought a disaster upon the family. The lady, however, recovering +herself after a little space, said to her husband with a sigh, "My dear, +misfortunes never come single." My friend, I found, acted but an under +part at his table; and, being a man of more good-nature than +understanding, thinks himself obliged to fall in with all the passions +and humours of his yoke-fellow. "Do not you remember, child," says she, +"that the pigeon-house fell the very afternoon that our careless wench +spilt the salt upon the table?"--"Yes," says he, "my dear; and the next +post brought us an account of the battle of Almanza." The reader may +guess at the figure I made, after having done all this mischief. I +despatched my dinner as soon as I could, with my usual taciturnity; when, +to my utter confusion, the lady seeing me quitting my knife and fork, and +laying them across one another upon my plate, desired me that I would +humour her so far as to take them out of that figure and place them side +by side. What the absurdity was which I had committed I did not know, +but I suppose there was some traditionary superstition in it; and +therefore, in obedience to the lady of the house, I disposed of my knife +and fork in two parallel lines, which is the figure I shall always lay +them in for the future, though I do not know any reason for it. + +It is not difficult for a man to see that a person has conceived an +aversion to him. For my own part, I quickly found, by the lady's looks, +that she regarded me as a very odd kind of fellow, with an unfortunate +aspect: for which reason I took my leave immediately after dinner, and +withdrew to my own lodgings. Upon my return home, I fell into a profound +contemplation on the evils that attend these superstitious follies of +mankind; how they subject us to imaginary afflictions, and additional +sorrows, that do not properly come within our lot. As if the natural +calamities of life were not sufficient for it, we turn the most +indifferent circumstances into misfortunes, and suffer as much from +trifling accidents as from real evils. I have known the shooting of a +star spoil a night's rest; and have seen a man in love grow pale, and +lose his appetite, upon the plucking of a merry-thought. A screech-owl +at midnight has alarmed a family more than a band of robbers; nay, the +voice of a cricket hath struck more terror than the roaring of a lion. +There is nothing so inconsiderable which may not appear dreadful to an +imagination that is filled with omens and prognostics: a rusty nail or a +crooked pin shoot up into prodigies. + +I remember I was once in a mixed assembly that was full of noise and +mirth, when on a sudden an old woman unluckily observed there were +thirteen of us in company. This remark struck a panic terror into +several who were present, insomuch that one or two of the ladies were +going to leave the room; but a friend of mine taking notice that one of +our female companions was big with child, affirmed there were fourteen in +the room, and that, instead of portending one of the company should die, +it plainly foretold one of them should be born. Had not my friend found +this expedient to break the omen, I question not but half the women in +the company would have fallen sick that very night. + +An old maid that is troubled with the vapours produces infinite +disturbances of this kind among her friends and neighbours. I know a +maiden aunt of a great family, who is one of these antiquated Sibyls, +that forebodes and prophesies from one end of the year to the other. She +is always seeing apparitions and hearing death-watches; and was the other +day almost frighted out of her wits by the great house-dog that howled in +the stable, at a time when she lay ill of the toothache. Such an +extravagant cast of mind engages multitudes of people not only in +impertinent terrors, but in supernumerary duties of life, and arises from +that fear and ignorance which are natural to the soul of man. The horror +with which we entertain the thoughts of death, or indeed of any future +evil, and the uncertainty of its approach, fill a melancholy mind with +innumerable apprehensions and suspicions, and consequently dispose it to +the observation of such groundless prodigies and predictions. For as it +is the chief concern of wise men to retrench the evils of life by the +reasonings of philosophy, it is the employment of fools to multiply them +by the sentiments of superstition. + +For my own part, I should be very much troubled were I endowed with this +divining quality, though it should inform me truly of everything that can +befall me. I would not anticipate the relish of any happiness, nor feel +the weight of any misery, before it actually arrives. + +I know but one way of fortifying my soul against these gloomy presages +and terrors of mind; and that is, by securing to myself the friendship +and protection of that Being who disposes of events and governs futurity. +He sees, at one view, the whole thread of my existence, not only that +part of it which I have already passed through, but that which runs +forward into all the depths of eternity. When I lay me down to sleep, I +recommend myself to His care; when I awake, I give myself up to His +direction. Amidst all the evils that threaten me, I will look up to Him +for help, and question not but He will either avert them, or turn them to +my advantage. Though I know neither the time nor the manner of the death +I am to die, I am not at all solicitous about it; because I am sure that +he knows them both, and that He will not fail to comfort and support me +under them. + + + + +OPERA LIONS. + + + _Dic mihi_, _si fias tu leo_, _qualis eris_? + + MART., xii. 93. + + Were you a lion, how would you behave? + +There is nothing that of late years has afforded matter of greater +amusement to the town than Signior Nicolini's combat with a lion in the +Haymarket, which has been very often exhibited to the general +satisfaction of most of the nobility and gentry in the kingdom of Great +Britain. Upon the first rumour of this intended combat, it was +confidently affirmed, and is still believed, by many in both galleries, +that there would be a tame lion sent from the tower every opera night in +order to be killed by Hydaspes. This report, though altogether +groundless, so universally prevailed in the upper regions of the +playhouse, that some of the most refined politicians in those parts of +the audience gave it out in whisper that the lion was a cousin-german of +the tiger who made his appearance in King William's days, and that the +stage would be supplied with lions at the public expense during the whole +session. Many likewise were the conjectures of the treatment which this +lion was to meet with from the hands of Signior Nicolini: some supposed +that he was to subdue him in recitativo, as Orpheus used to serve the +wild beasts in his time, and afterwards to knock him on the head; some +fancied that the lion would not pretend to lay his paws upon the hero, by +reason of the received opinion that a lion will not hurt a virgin: +several who pretended to have seen the opera in Italy, had informed their +friends that the lion was to act a part in High Dutch, and roar twice or +thrice to a thorough bass before he fell at the feet of Hydaspes. To +clear up a matter that was so variously reported, I have made it my +business to examine whether this pretended lion is really the savage he +appears to be, or only a counterfeit. + +But before I communicate my discoveries, I must acquaint the reader that +upon my walking behind the scenes last winter, as I was thinking on +something else, I accidentally jostled against a monstrous animal that +extremely startled me, and, upon my nearer survey of it, appeared to be a +lion rampant. The lion, seeing me very much surprised, told me, in a +gentle voice, that I might come by him if I pleased; "for," says he, "I +do not intend to hurt anybody." I thanked him very kindly and passed by +him, and in a little time after saw him leap upon the stage and act his +part with very great applause. It has been observed by several that the +lion has changed his manner of acting twice or thrice since his first +appearance, which will not seem strange when I acquaint my reader that +the lion has been changed upon the audience three several times. The +first lion was a candle-snuffer, who, being a fellow of a testy, choleric +temper, overdid his part, and would not suffer himself to be killed so +easily as he ought to have done: besides, it was observed of him, that he +grew more surly every time he came out of the lion, and having dropped +some words in ordinary conversation, as if he had not fought his best, +and that he suffered himself to be thrown upon his back in the scuffle, +and that he would wrestle with Mr. Nicolini for what he pleased, out of +his lion's skin, it was thought proper to discard him: and it is verily +believed to this day, that, had he been brought upon the stage another +time, he would certainly have done mischief. Besides, it was objected +against the first lion, that he reared himself so high upon his hinder +paws, and walked in so erect a posture, that he looked more like an old +man than a lion. + +The second lion was a tailor by trade, who belonged to the playhouse, and +had the character of a mild and peaceable man in his profession. If the +former was too furious, this was too sheepish for his part; inasmuch +that, after a short modest walk upon the stage, he would fall at the +first touch of Hydaspes, without grappling with him, and giving him an +opportunity of showing his variety of Italian trips. It is said, indeed, +that he once gave him a rip in his flesh-colour doublet: but this was +only to make work for himself in his private character of a tailor. I +must not omit that it was this second lion who treated me with so much +humanity behind the scenes. + +The acting lion at present is, as I am informed, a country gentleman, who +does it for his diversion, but desires his name may be concealed. He +says very handsomely, in his own excuse, that he does not act for gain; +that he indulges an innocent pleasure in it, and that it is better to +pass away an evening in this manner than in gaming and drinking: but at +the same time says, with a very agreeable raillery upon himself, that if +his name should be known, the ill-natured world might call him "the ass +in the lion's skin." This gentleman's temper is made out of such a happy +mixture of the mild and the choleric, that he outdoes both his +predecessors, and has drawn together greater audiences than have been +known in the memory of man. + +I must not conclude my narrative without taking notice of a groundless +report that has been raised to a gentleman's disadvantage, of whom I must +declare myself an admirer; namely, that Signior Nicolini and the lion +have been seen sitting peaceably by one another, and smoking a pipe +together behind the scenes; by which their common enemies would insinuate +that it is but a sham combat which they represent upon the stage: but +upon inquiry I find, that if any such correspondence has passed between +them, it was not till the combat was over, when the lion was to be looked +upon as dead according to the received rules of the drama. Besides, this +is what is practised every day in Westminster Hall, where nothing is more +usual than to see a couple of lawyers, who have been tearing each other +to pieces in the court, embracing one another as soon as they are out of +it. + +I would not be thought in any part of this relation to reflect upon +Signior Nicolini, who, in acting this part, only complies with the +wretched taste of his audience: he knows very well that the lion has many +more admirers than himself; as they say of the famous equestrian statue +on the Pont-Neuf at Paris, that more people go to see the horse than the +king who sits upon it. On the contrary, it gives me a just indignation +to see a person whose action gives new majesty to kings, resolution to +heroes, and softness to lovers, thus sinking from the greatness of his +behaviour, and degraded into the character of the London Prentice. I +have often wished that our tragedians would copy after this great master +in action. Could they make the same use of their arms and legs, and +inform their faces with as significant looks and passions, how glorious +would an English tragedy appear with that action which is capable of +giving a dignity to the forced thoughts, cold conceits, and unnatural +expressions of an Italian opera! In the meantime, I have related this +combat of the lion to show what are at present the reigning +entertainments of the politer part of Great Britain. + +Audiences have often been reproached by writers for the coarseness of +their taste; but our present grievance does not seem to be the want of a +good taste, but of common sense. + + + + +WOMEN AND WIVES. + + + _Parva leves capiunt animos_.-- + + OVID, _Ars Am._, i. 159. + + Light minds are pleased with trifles. + +When I was in France, I used to gaze with great astonishment at the +splendid equipages, and party-coloured habits of that fantastic nation. I +was one day in particular contemplating a lady that sat in a coach +adorned with gilded Cupids, and finely painted with the Loves of Venus +and Adonis. The coach was drawn by six milk-white horses, and loaden +behind with the same number of powdered footmen. Just before the lady +were a couple of beautiful pages, that were stuck among the harness, and, +by their gay dresses and smiling features, looked like the elder brothers +of the little boys that were carved and painted in every corner of the +coach. + +The lady was the unfortunate Cleanthe, who afterwards gave an occasion to +a pretty melancholy novel. She had for several years received the +addresses of a gentleman, whom, after a long and intimate acquaintance, +she forsook upon the account of this shining equipage, which had been +offered to her by one of great riches but a crazy constitution. The +circumstances in which I saw her were, it seems, the disguises only of a +broken heart, and a kind of pageantry to cover distress, for in two +months after, she was carried to her grave with the same pomp and +magnificence, being sent thither partly by the loss of one lover and +partly by the possession of another. + +I have often reflected with myself on this unaccountable humour in +womankind, of being smitten with everything that is showy and +superficial; and on the numberless evils that befall the sex from this +light fantastical disposition. I myself remember a young lady that was +very warmly solicited by a couple of importunate rivals, who, for several +months together, did all they could to recommend themselves, by +complacency of behaviour and agreeableness of conversation. At length, +when the competition was doubtful, and the lady undetermined in her +choice, one of the young lovers very luckily bethought himself of adding +a supernumerary lace to his liveries, which had so good an effect that he +married her the very week after. + +The usual conversation of ordinary women very much cherishes this natural +weakness of being taken with outside and appearance. Talk of a +new-married couple, and you immediately hear whether they keep their +coach and six, or eat in plate. Mention the name of an absent lady, and +it is ten to one but you learn something of her gown and petticoat. A +ball is a great help to discourse, and a birthday furnishes conversation +for a twelvemonth after. A furbelow of precious stones, a hat buttoned +with a diamond, a brocade waistcoat or petticoat, are standing topics. In +short, they consider only the drapery of the species, and never cast away +a thought on those ornaments of the mind that make persons illustrious in +themselves and useful to others. When women are thus perpetually +dazzling one another's imaginations, and filling their heads with nothing +but colours, it is no wonder that they are more attentive to the +superficial parts of life than the solid and substantial blessings of it. +A girl who has been trained up in this kind of conversation is in danger +of every embroidered coat that comes in her way. A pair of fringed +gloves may be her ruin. In a word, lace and ribands, silver and gold +galloons, with the like glittering gewgaws, are so many lures to women of +weak minds or low educations, and, when artificially displayed, are able +to fetch down the most airy coquette from the wildest of her flights and +rambles. + +True happiness is of a retired nature, and an enemy to pomp and noise; it +arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and, in the +next, from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions; it +loves shade and solitude, and naturally haunts groves and fountains, +fields and meadows; in short, it feels everything it wants within itself, +and receives no addition from multitudes of witnesses and spectators. On +the contrary, false happiness loves to be in a crowd, and to draw the +eyes of the world upon her. She does not receive any satisfaction from +the applauses which she gives herself, but from the admiration she raises +in others. She flourishes in courts and palaces, theatres and +assemblies, and has no existence but when she is looked upon. + +Aurelia, though a woman of great quality, delights in the privacy of a +country life, and passes away a great part of her time in her own walks +and gardens. Her husband, who is her bosom friend and companion in her +solitudes, has been in love with her ever since he knew her. They both +abound with good sense, consummate virtue, and a mutual esteem; and are a +perpetual entertainment to one another. Their family is under so regular +an economy, in its hours of devotion and repast, employment and +diversion, that it looks like a little commonwealth within itself. They +often go into company, that they may return with the greater delight to +one another; and sometimes live in town, not to enjoy it so properly as +to grow weary of it, that they may renew in themselves the relish of a +country life. By this means they are happy in each other, beloved by +their children, adored by their servants, and are become the envy, or +rather the delight, of all that know them. + +How different to this is the life of Fulvia! She considers her husband +as her steward, and looks upon discretion and good housewifery as little +domestic virtues unbecoming a woman of quality. She thinks life lost in +her own family, and fancies herself out of the world when she is not in +the ring, the playhouse, or the drawing-room. She lives in a perpetual +motion of body and restlessness of thought, and is never easy in any one +place when she thinks there is more company in another. The missing of +an opera the first night would be more afflicting to her than the death +of a child. She pities all the valuable part of her own sex, and calls +every woman of a prudent, modest, retired life, a poor-spirited, +unpolished creature. What a mortification would it be to Fulvia, if she +knew that her setting herself to view is but exposing herself, and that +she grows contemptible by being conspicuous! + +I cannot conclude my paper without observing that Virgil has very finely +touched upon this female passion for dress and show, in the character of +Camilla, who, though she seems to have shaken off all the other +weaknesses of her sex, is still described as a woman in this particular. +The poet tells us, that after having made a great slaughter of the enemy, +she unfortunately cast her eye on a Trojan, who wore an embroidered +tunic, a beautiful coat of mail, with a mantle of the finest purple. "A +golden bow," says he, "hung upon his shoulder; his garment was buckled +with a golden clasp, and his head covered with a helmet of the same +shining metal." The Amazon immediately singled out this well-dressed +warrior, being seized with a woman's longing for the pretty trappings +that he was adorned with: + + --_Totumque incauta per agmen_, + _Faemineo praedae et spoliorum ardebat amore_. + + _AEn._, xi. 781. + + --So greedy was she bent + On golden spoils, and on her prey intent. + + DRYDEN. + +This heedless pursuit after these glittering trifles, the poet, by a nice +concealed moral, represents to have been the destruction of his female +hero. + + + + +THE ITALIAN OPERA. + + + --_Equitis quoque jam migravit ab aure voluptas_ + _Omnis ad incertos oculos_, _et gaudia vana_. + + HOR., _Ep._ ii. 1, 187. + + But now our nobles too are fops and vain, + Neglect the sense, but love the painted scene. + + CREECH. + +It is my design in this paper to deliver down to posterity a faithful +account of the Italian opera, and of the gradual progress which it has +made upon the English stage; for there is no question but our +great-grandchildren will be very curious to know the reason why their +forefathers used to sit together like an audience of foreigners in their +own country, and to hear whole plays acted before them in a tongue which +they did not understand. + +_Arsinoe_ was the first opera that gave us a taste of Italian music. The +great success this opera met with produced some attempts of forming +pieces upon Italian plans, which should give a more natural and +reasonable entertainment than what can be met with in the elaborate +trifles of that nation. This alarmed the poetasters and fiddlers of the +town, who were used to deal in a more ordinary kind of ware; and +therefore laid down an established rule, which is received as such to +this day, "That nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not +nonsense." + +This maxim was no sooner received, but we immediately fell to translating +the Italian operas; and as there was no great danger of hurting the sense +of those extraordinary pieces, our authors would often make words of +their own which were entirely foreign to the meaning of the passages they +pretended to translate; their chief care being to make the numbers of the +English verse answer to those of the Italian, that both of them might go +to the same tune. Thus the famous swig in Camilla: + + "_Barbara si t' intendo_," &c. + + "Barbarous woman, yes, I know your meaning," + +which expresses the resentments of an angry lover, was translated into +that English lamentation, + + "Frail are a lover's hopes," &c. + +And it was pleasant enough to see the most refined persons of the British +nation dying away and languishing to notes that were filled with a spirit +of rage and indignation. It happened also very frequently, where the +sense was rightly translated, the necessary transposition of words, which +were drawn out of the phrase of one tongue into that of another, made the +music appear very absurd in one tongue that was very natural in the +other. I remember an Italian verse that ran thus, word for word: + + "And turned my rage into pity;" + +which the English for rhyme's sake translated: + + "And into pity turned my rage." + +By this means the soft notes that were adapted to pity in the Italian +fell upon the word rage in the English; and the angry sounds that were +turned to rage in the original, were made to express pity in the +translation. It oftentimes happened, likewise, that the finest notes in +the air fell upon the most insignificant words in the sentence. I have +known the word "and" pursued through the whole gamut; have been +entertained with many a melodious "the;" and have heard the most +beautiful graces, quavers, and divisions bestowed upon "then," "for," and +"from," to the eternal honour of our English particles. + +The next step to our refinement was the introducing of Italian actors +into our opera; who sang their parts in their own language, at the same +time that our countrymen performed theirs in our native tongue. The king +or hero of the play generally spoke in Italian, and his slaves answered +him in English. The lover frequently made his court, and gained the +heart of his princess, in a language which she did not understand. One +would have thought it very difficult to have carried on dialogues after +this manner without an interpreter between the persons that conversed +together; but this was the state of the English stage for about three +years. + +At length the audience grew tired of understanding half the opera; and +therefore, to ease themselves entirely of the fatigue of thinking, have +so ordered it at present, that the whole opera is performed in an unknown +tongue. We no longer understand the language of our own stage; insomuch +that I have often been afraid, when I have seen our Italian performers +chattering in the vehemence of action, that they have been calling us +names, and abusing us among themselves; but I hope, since we put such an +entire confidence in them, they will not talk against us before our +faces, though they may do it with the same safety as if it were behind +our backs. In the meantime, I cannot forbear thinking how naturally an +historian who writes two or three hundred years hence, and does not know +the taste of his wise forefathers, will make the following reflection: +"In the beginning of the eighteenth century, the Italian tongue was so +well understood in England, that operas were acted on the public stage in +that language." + +One scarce knows how to be serious in the confutation of an absurdity +that shows itself at the first sight. It does not want any great measure +of sense to see the ridicule of this monstrous practice; but what makes +it the more astonishing, it is not the taste of the rabble, but of +persons of the greatest politeness, which has established it. + +If the Italians have a genius for music above the English, the English +have a genius for other performances of a much higher nature, and capable +of giving the mind a much nobler entertainment. Would one think it was +possible, at a time when an author lived that was able to write the +_Phaedra and Hippolitus_, for a people to be so stupidly fond of the +Italian opera, as scarce to give a third day's hearing to that admirable +tragedy? Music is certainly a very agreeable entertainment: but if it +would take the entire possession of our ears; if it would make us +incapable of hearing sense; if it would exclude arts that have a much +greater tendency to the refinement of human nature; I must confess I +would allow it no better quarter than Plato has done, who banishes it out +of his commonwealth. + +At present our notions of music are so very uncertain, that we do not +know what it is we like; only, in general, we are transported with +anything that is not English: so it be of a foreign growth, let it be +Italian, French, or High Dutch, it is the same thing. In short, our +English music is quite rooted out, and nothing yet planted in its stead. + +When a royal palace is burnt to the ground, every man is at liberty to +present his plan for a new one; and, though it be but indifferently put +together, it may furnish several hints that may be of use to a good +architect. I shall take the same liberty in a following paper of giving +my opinion upon the subject of music; which I shall lay down only in a +problematical manner, to be considered by those who are masters in the +art. + + + + +LAMPOONS. + + + _Saevit atrox Volscens_, _nec teli conspicit usquam_ + _Auctorem_, _nec quo se ardens immittere possit_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ ix. 420. + + Fierce Volscens foams with rage, and, gazing round, + Descry'd not him who gave the fatal wound; + Nor knew to fix revenge. + + DRYDEN. + +There is nothing that more betrays a base, ungenerous spirit than the +giving of secret stabs to a man's reputation. Lampoons and satires, that +are written with wit and spirit, are like poisoned darts, which not only +inflict a wound, but make it incurable. For this reason I am very much +troubled when I see the talents' of humour and ridicule in the possession +of an ill-natured man. There cannot be a greater gratification to a +barbarous and inhuman wit, than to stir up sorrow in the heart of a +private person, to raise uneasiness among near relations, and to expose +whole families to derision, at the same time that he remains unseen and +undiscovered. If, besides the accomplishments of being witty and ill- +natured, a man is vicious into the bargain, he is one of the most +mischievous creatures that can enter into a civil society. His satire +will then chiefly fall upon those who ought to be the most exempt from +it. Virtue, merit, and everything that is praiseworthy, will be made the +subject of ridicule and buffoonery. It is impossible to enumerate the +evils which arise from these arrows that fly in the dark; and I know no +other excuse that is or can be made for them, than that the wounds they +give are only imaginary, and produce nothing more than a secret shame or +sorrow in the mind of the suffering person. It must indeed be confessed +that a lampoon or a satire do not carry in them robbery or murder; but at +the same time, how many are there that would not rather lose a +considerable sum of money, or even life itself, than be set up as a mark +of infamy and derision? And in this case a man should consider that an +injury is not to be measured by the notions of him that gives, but of him +that receives it. + +Those who can put the best countenance upon the outrages of this nature +which are offered them, are not without their secret anguish. I have +often observed a passage in Socrates's behaviour at his death in a light +wherein none of the critics have considered it. That excellent man +entertaining his friends a little before he drank the bowl of poison, +with a discourse on the immortality of the soul, at his entering upon it +says that he does not believe any the most comic genius can censure him +for talking upon such a subject at such at a time. This passage, I +think, evidently glances upon Aristophanes, who writ a comedy on purpose +to ridicule the discourses of that divine philosopher. It has been +observed by many writers that Socrates was so little moved at this piece +of buffoonery, that he was several times present at its being acted upon +the stage, and never expressed the least resentment of it. But, with +submission, I think the remark I have here made shows us that this +unworthy treatment made an impression upon his mind, though he had been +too wise to discover it. + +When Julius Caesar was lampooned by Catullus, he invited him to a supper, +and treated him with such a generous civility, that he made the poet his +friend ever after. Cardinal Mazarine gave the same kind of treatment to +the learned Quillet, who had reflected upon his eminence in a famous +Latin poem. The cardinal sent for him, and, after some kind +expostulations upon what he had written, assured him of his esteem, and +dismissed him with a promise of the next good abbey that should fall, +which he accordingly conferred upon him in a few months after. This had +so good an effect upon the author, that he dedicated the second edition +of his book to the cardinal, after having expunged the passages which had +given him offence. + +Sextus Quintus was not of so generous and forgiving a temper. Upon his +being made Pope, the statue of Pasquin was one night dressed in a very +dirty shirt, with an excuse written under it, that he was forced to wear +foul linen because his laundress was made a princess. This was a +reflection upon the Pope's sister, who, before the promotion of her +brother, was in those mean circumstances that Pasquin represented her. As +this pasquinade made a great noise in Rome, the Pope offered a +considerable sum of money to any person that should discover the author +of it. The author, relying upon his holiness's generosity, as also on +some private overtures which he had received from him, made the discovery +himself; upon which the Pope gave him the reward he had promised, but, at +the same time, to disable the satirist for the future, ordered his tongue +to be cut out, and both his hands to be chopped off. Aretine is too +trite an instance. Every one knows that all the kings of Europe were his +tributaries. Nay, there is a letter of his extant, in which he makes his +boast that he had laid the Sophi of Persia under contribution. + +Though in the various examples which I have here drawn together, these +several great men behaved themselves very differently towards the wits of +the age who had reproached them, they all of them plainly showed that +they were very sensible of their reproaches, and consequently that they +received them as very great injuries. For my own part, I would never +trust a man that I thought was capable of giving these secret wounds; and +cannot but think that he would hurt the person, whose reputation he thus +assaults, in his body or in his fortune, could he do it with the same +security. There is indeed something very barbarous and inhuman in the +ordinary scribblers of lampoons. An innocent young lady shall be exposed +for an unhappy feature; a father of a family turned to ridicule for some +domestic calamity; a wife be made uneasy all her life for a +misinterpreted word or action; nay, a good, a temperate, and a just man +shall be put out of countenance by the representation of those qualities +that should do him honour; so pernicious a thing is wit when it is not +tempered with virtue and humanity. + +I have indeed heard of heedless, inconsiderate writers that, without any +malice, have sacrificed the reputation of their friends and acquaintance +to a certain levity of temper, and a silly ambition of distinguishing +themselves by a spirit of raillery and satire; as if it were not +infinitely more honourable to be a good-natured man than a wit. Where +there is this little petulant humour in an author, he is often very +mischievous without designing to be so. For which reason I always lay it +down as a rule that an indiscreet man is more hurtful than an ill-natured +one; for as the one will only attack his enemies, and those he wishes ill +to, the other injures indifferently both friends and foes. I cannot +forbear, on this occasion, transcribing a fable out of Sir Roger +L'Estrange, which accidentally lies before me. A company of waggish boys +were watching of frogs at the side of a pond, and still as any of them +put up their heads, they would be pelting them down again with stones. +"Children," says one of the frogs, "you never consider that though this +be play to you, 'tis death to us." + +As this week is in a manner set apart and dedicated to serious thoughts, +I shall indulge myself in such speculations as may not be altogether +unsuitable to the season; and in the meantime, as the settling in +ourselves a charitable frame of mind is a work very proper for the time, +I have in this paper endeavoured to expose that particular breach of +charity which has been generally overlooked by divines, because they are +but few who can be guilty of it. + + + + +TRUE AND FALSE HUMOUR. + + + --_Risu inepto res ineptior nulla est_. + + CATULL., _Carm._ 39 _in Egnat_. + + Nothing so foolish as the laugh of fools. + +Among all kinds of writing, there is none in which authors are more apt +to miscarry than in works of humour, as there is none in which they are +more ambitious to excel. It is not an imagination that teems with +monsters, a head that is filled with extravagant conceptions, which is +capable of furnishing the world with diversions of this nature; and yet, +if we look into the productions of several writers, who set up for men of +humour, what wild, irregular fancies, what unnatural distortions of +thought do we meet with? If they speak nonsense, they believe they are +talking humour; and when they have drawn together a scheme of absurd, +inconsistent ideas, they are not able to read it over to themselves +without laughing. These poor gentlemen endeavour to gain themselves the +reputation of wits and humorists, by such monstrous conceits as almost +qualify them for Bedlam; not considering that humour should always lie +under the check of reason, and that it requires the direction of the +nicest judgment, by so much the more as it indulges itself in the most +boundless freedoms. There is a kind of nature that is to be observed in +this sort of compositions, as well as in all other; and a certain +regularity of thought which must discover the writer to be a man of +sense, at the same time that he appears altogether given up to caprice. +For my part, when I read the delirious mirth of an unskilful author, I +cannot be so barbarous as to divert myself with it, but am rather apt to +pity the man, than to laugh at anything he writes. + +The deceased Mr. Shadwell, who had himself a great deal of the talent +which I am treating of, represents an empty rake, in one of his plays, as +very much surprised to hear one say that breaking of windows was not +humour; and I question not but several English readers will be as much +startled to hear me affirm, that many of those raving, incoherent pieces, +which are often spread among us, under odd chimerical titles, are rather +the offsprings of a distempered brain than works of humour. + +It is, indeed, much easier to describe what is not humour than what is; +and very difficult to define it otherwise than as Cowley has done wit, by +negatives. Were I to give my own notions of it, I would deliver them +after Plato's manner, in a kind of allegory, and, by supposing Humour to +be a person, deduce to him all his qualifications, according to the +following genealogy. Truth was the founder of the family, and the father +of Good Sense. Good Sense was the father of Wit, who married a lady of a +collateral line called Mirth, by whom he had issue Humour. Humour +therefore being the youngest of this illustrious family, and descended +from parents of such different dispositions, is very various and unequal +in his temper; sometimes you see him putting on grave looks and a solemn +habit, sometimes airy in his behaviour and fantastic in his dress; +insomuch that at different times he appears as serious as a judge, and as +jocular as a merry-andrew. But, as he has a great deal of the mother in +his constitution, whatever mood he is in, he never fails to make his +company laugh. + +But since there is an impostor abroad, who takes upon him the name of +this young gentleman, and would willingly pass for him in the world; to +the end that well-meaning persons may not be imposed upon by cheats, I +would desire my readers, when they meet with this pretender, to look into +his parentage, and to examine him strictly, whether or no he be remotely +allied to Truth, and lineally descended from Good Sense; if not, they may +conclude him a counterfeit. They may likewise distinguish him by a loud +and excessive laughter, in which he seldom gets his company to join with +him. For as True Humour generally looks serious while everybody laughs +about him, False Humour is always laughing whilst everybody about him +looks serious. I shall only add, if he has not in him a mixture of both +parents--that is, if he would pass for the offspring of Wit without +Mirth, or Mirth without Wit, you may conclude him to be altogether +spurious and a cheat. + +The impostor of whom I am speaking descends originally from Falsehood, +who was the mother of Nonsense, who was brought to bed of a son called +Phrensy, who married one of the daughters of Folly, commonly known by the +name of Laughter, on whom he begot that monstrous infant of which I have +been here speaking. I shall set down at length the genealogical table of +False Humour, and, at the same time, place under it the genealogy of True +Humour, that the reader may at one view behold their different pedigrees +and relations:-- + +Falsehood. +Nonsense. +Phrensy.--Laughter. +False Humour. + +Truth. +Good Sense. +Wit.--Mirth, +Humour. + +I might extend the allegory, by mentioning several of the children of +False Humour, who are more in number than the sands of the sea, and might +in particular enumerate the many sons and daughters which he has begot in +this island. But as this would be a very invidious task, I shall only +observe in general that False Humour differs from the True as a monkey +does from a man. + +First of all, he is exceedingly given to little apish tricks and +buffooneries. + +Secondly, he so much delights in mimicry, that it is all one to him +whether he exposes by it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on the +contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and poverty. + +Thirdly, he is wonderfully unlucky, insomuch that he will bite the hand +that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes +indifferently. For, having but small talents, he must be merry where he +can, not where he should. + +Fourthly, Being entirely void of reason, he pursues no point either of +morality or instruction, but is ludicrous only for the sake of being so. + +Fifthly, Being incapable of anything but mock representations, his +ridicule is always personal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the writer; +not at the vice, or at the writing. + +I have here only pointed at the whole species of false humorists; but, as +one of my principal designs in this paper is to beat down that malignant +spirit which discovers itself in the writings of the present age, I shall +not scruple, for the future, to single out any of the small wits that +infest the world with such compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and +absurd. This is the only exception which I shall make to the general +rule I have prescribed myself, of attacking multitudes; since every +honest man ought to look upon himself as in a natural state of war with +the libeller and lampooner, and to annoy them wherever they fall in his +way. This is but retaliating upon them, and treating them as they treat +others. + + + + +SA GA YEAN QUA RASH TOW'S IMPRESSIONS OF LONDON. + + + _Nunquam aliud natura_, _aliud sapientia dicit_. + + JUV., _Sat._ xiv. 321. + + Good taste and nature always speak the same. + +When the four Indian kings were in this country about a twelvemonth ago, +I often mixed with the rabble, and followed them a whole day together, +being wonderfully struck with the sight of everything that is new or +uncommon. I have, since their departure, employed a friend to make many +inquiries of their landlord the upholsterer relating to their manners and +conversation, as also concerning the remarks which they made in this +country; for next to the forming a right notion of such strangers, I +should be desirous of learning what ideas they have conceived of us. + +The upholsterer finding my friend very inquisitive about these his +lodgers, brought him sometime since a little bundle of papers, which he +assured him were written by King Sa Ga Yean Qua Rash Tow, and, as he +supposes, left behind by some mistake. These papers are now translated, +and contain abundance of very odd observations, which I find this little +fraternity of kings made during their stay in the Isle of Great Britain. +I shall present my reader with a short specimen of them in this paper, +and may perhaps communicate more to him hereafter. In the article of +London are the following words, which without doubt are meant of the +church of St. Paul:-- + +"On the most rising part of the town there stands a huge house, big +enough to contain the whole nation of which I am the king. Our good +brother E Tow O Koam, King of the Rivers, is of opinion it was made by +the hands of that great God to whom it is consecrated. The Kings of +Granajar and of the Six Nations believe that it was created with the +earth, and produced on the same day with the sun and moon. But for my +own part, by the best information that I could get of this matter, I am +apt to think that this prodigious pile was fashioned into the shape it +now bears by several tools and instruments, of which they have a +wonderful variety in this country. It was probably at first a huge +misshapen rock that grew upon the top of the hill, which the natives of +the country, after having cut into a kind of regular figure, bored and +hollowed with incredible pains and industry, till they had wrought in it +all those beautiful vaults and caverns into which it is divided at this +day. As soon as this rock was thus curiously scooped to their liking, a +prodigious number of hands must have been employed in chipping the +outside of it, which is now as smooth as the surface of a pebble; and is +in several places hewn out into pillars that stand like the trunks of so +many trees bound about the top with garlands of leaves. It is probable +that when this great work was begun, which must have been many hundred +years ago, there was some religion among this people; for they give it +the name of a temple, and have a tradition that it was designed for men +to pay their devotion in. And indeed, there are several reasons which +make us think that the natives of this country had formerly among them +some sort of worship, for they set apart every seventh day as sacred; but +upon my going into one of these holy houses on that day, I could not +observe any circumstance of devotion in their behaviour. There was, +indeed, a man in black, who was mounted above the rest, and seemed to +utter some thing with a great deal of vehemence; but as for those +underneath him, instead of paying their worship to the deity of the +place, they were most of them bowing and curtsying to one another, and a +considerable number of them fast asleep. + +"The queen of the country appointed two men to attend us, that had enough +of our language to make themselves understood in some few particulars. +But we soon perceived these two were great enemies to one another, and +did not always agree in the same story. We could make a shift to gather +out of one of them that this island was very much infested with a +monstrous kind of animals, in the shape of men, called Whigs; and he +often told us that he hoped we should meet with none of them in our way, +for that, if we did, they would be apt to knock us down for being kings. + +"Our other interpreter used to talk very much of a kind of animal called +a Tory, that was as great a monster as the Whig, and would treat us as +ill for being foreigners. These two creatures, it seems, are born with a +secret antipathy to one another, and engage when they meet as naturally +as the elephant and the rhinoceros. But as we saw none of either of +these species, we are apt to think that our guides deceived us with +misrepresentations and fictions, and amused us with an account of such +monsters as are not really in their country. + +"These particulars we made a shift to pick out from the discourse of our +interpreters, which we put together as well as we could, being able to +understand but here and there a word of what they said, and afterwards +making up the meaning of it among ourselves. The men of the country are +very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works, but withal so very idle, +that we often saw young, lusty, raw-boned fellows carried up and down the +streets in little covered rooms by a couple of porters, who were hired +for that service. Their dress is likewise very barbarous, for they +almost strangle themselves about the neck, and bind their bodies with +many ligatures, that we are apt to think are the occasion of several +distempers among them, which our country is entirely free from. Instead +of those beautiful feathers with which we adorn our heads, they often buy +up a monstrous bush of hair, which covers their heads, and falls down in +a large fleece below the middle of their backs, with which they walk up +and down the streets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own +growth. + +"We were invited to one of their public diversions, where we hoped to +have seen the great men of their country running down a stag, or pitching +a bar, that we might have discovered who were the persons of the greatest +abilities among them; but instead of that, they conveyed us into a huge +room lighted up with abundance of candles, where this lazy people sat +still above three hours to see several feats of ingenuity performed by +others, who it seems were paid for it. + +"As for the women of the country, not being able to talk with them, we +could only make our remarks upon them at a distance. They let the hair +of their heads grow to a great length; but as the men make a great show +with heads of hair that are none of their own, the women, who they say +have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot, and cover it from +being seen. The women look like angels, and would be more beautiful than +the sun, were it not for little black spots that are apt to break out in +their faces, and sometimes rise in very odd figures. I have observed +that those little blemishes wear off very soon; but when they disappear +in one part of the face, they are very apt to break out in another, +insomuch that I have seen a spot upon the forehead in the afternoon which +was upon the chin in the morning." + +The author then proceeds to show the absurdity of breeches and +petticoats, with many other curious observations, which I shall reserve +for another occasion: I cannot, however, conclude this paper without +taking notice that amidst these wild remarks there now and then appears +something very reasonable. I cannot likewise forbear observing, that we +are all guilty in some measure of the same narrow way of thinking which +we meet with in this abstract of the Indian journal, when we fancy the +customs, dresses, and manners of other countries are ridiculous and +extravagant if they do not resemble those of our own. + + + + +THE VISION OF MARRATON. + + + _Felices errore suo_.-- + + LUCAN i. 454. + + Happy in their mistake. + +The Americans believe that all creatures have souls, not only men and +women, but brutes, vegetables, nay, even the most inanimate things, as +stocks and stones. They believe the same of all works of art, as of +knives, boats, looking-glasses; and that, as any of these things perish, +their souls go into another world, which is inhabited by the ghosts of +men and women. For this reason they always place by the corpse of their +dead friend a bow and arrows, that he may make use of the souls of them +in the other world, as he did of their wooden bodies in this. How absurd +soever such an opinion as this may appear, our European philosophers have +maintained several notions altogether as improbable. Some of Plato's +followers, in particular, when they talk of the world of ideas, entertain +us with substances and beings no less extravagant and chimerical. Many +Aristotelians have likewise spoken as unintelligibly of their substantial +forms. I shall only instance Albertus Magnus, who, in his dissertation +upon the loadstone, observing that fire will destroy its magnetic +virtues, tells us that he took particular notice of one as it lay glowing +amidst a heap of burning coals, and that he perceived a certain blue +vapour to arise from it, which he believed might be the substantial form +that is, in our West Indian phrase, the soul of the loadstone. + +There is a tradition among the Americans that one of their countrymen +descended in a vision to the great repository of souls, or, as we call it +here, to the other world; and that upon his return he gave his friends a +distinct account of everything he saw among those regions of the dead. A +friend of mine, whom I have formerly mentioned, prevailed upon one of the +interpreters of the Indian kings to inquire of them, if possible, what +tradition they have among them of this matter: which, as well as he could +learn by those many questions which he asked them at several times, was +in substance as follows: + +The visionary, whose name was Marraton, after having travelled for a long +space under a hollow mountain, arrived at length on the confines of this +world of spirits, but could not enter it by reason of a thick forest, +made up of bushes, brambles, and pointed thorns, so perplexed and +interwoven with one another that it was impossible to find a passage +through it. Whilst he was looking about for some track or pathway that +might be worn in any part of it, he saw a huge lion couched under the +side of it, who kept his eye upon him in the same posture as when he +watches for his prey. The Indian immediately started back, whilst the +lion rose with a spring, and leaped towards him. Being wholly destitute +of all other weapons, he stooped down to take up a huge stone in his +hand, but, to his infinite surprise, grasped nothing, and found the +supposed stone to be only the apparition of one. If he was disappointed +on this side, he was as much pleased on the other, when he found the +lion, which had seized on his left shoulder, had no power to hurt him, +and was only the ghost of that ravenous creature which it appeared to be. +He no sooner got rid of his impotent enemy, but he marched up to the +wood, and, after having surveyed it for some time, endeavoured to press +into one part of it that was a little thinner than the rest, when, again +to his great surprise, he found the bushes made no resistance, but that +he walked through briars and brambles with the same ease as through the +open air, and, in short, that the whole wood was nothing else but a wood +of shades. He immediately concluded that this huge thicket of thorns and +brakes was designed as a kind of fence or quickset hedge to the ghosts it +inclosed, and that probably their soft substances might be torn by these +subtile points and prickles, which were too weak to make any impressions +in flesh and blood. With this thought he resolved to travel through this +intricate wood, when by degrees he felt a gale of perfumes breathing upon +him, that grew stronger and sweeter in proportion as he advanced. He had +not proceeded much further, when he observed the thorns and briers to +end, and give place to a thousand beautiful green trees, covered with +blossoms of the finest scents and colours, that formed a wilderness of +sweets, and were a kind of lining to those ragged scenes which he had +before passed through. As he was coming out of this delightful part of +the wood, and entering upon the plains it enclosed, he saw several +horsemen rushing by him, and a little while after heard the cry of a pack +of dogs. He had not listened long before he saw the apparition of a milk- +white steed, with a young man on the back of it, advancing upon full +stretch after the souls of about a hundred beagles, that were hunting +down the ghost of a hare, which ran away before them with an unspeakable +swiftness. As the man on the milk-white steed came by him, he looked +upon him very attentively, and found him to be the young prince +Nicharagua, who died about half a year before, and, by reason of his +great virtues, was at that time lamented over all the western parts of +America. + +He had no sooner got out of the wood but he was entertained with such a +landscape of flowery plains, green meadows, running streams, sunny hills, +and shady vales as were not to be represented by his own expressions, +nor, as he said, by the conceptions of others. This happy region was +peopled with innumerable swarms of spirits, who applied themselves to +exercises and diversions, according as their fancies led them. Some of +them were tossing the figure of a quoit; others were pitching the shadow +of a bar; others were breaking the apparition of a horse; and multitudes +employing themselves upon ingenious handicrafts with the souls of +departed utensils, for that is the name which in the Indian language they +give their tools when they are burnt or broken. As he travelled through +this delightful scene he was very often tempted to pluck the flowers that +rose everywhere about him in the greatest variety and profusion, having +never seen several of them in his own country: but he quickly found, that +though they were objects of his sight, they were not liable to his touch. +He at length came to the side of a great river, and, being a good +fisherman himself, stood upon the banks of it some time to look upon an +angler that had taken a great many shapes of fishes, which lay flouncing +up and down by him. + +I should have told my reader that this Indian had been formerly married +to one of the greatest beauties of his country, by whom he had several +children. This couple were so famous for their love and constancy to one +another that the Indians to this day, when they give a married man joy of +his wife, wish that they may live together like Marraton and Yaratilda. +Marraton had not stood long by the fisherman when he saw the shadow of +his beloved Yaratilda, who had for some time fixed her eye upon him +before he discovered her. Her arms were stretched out towards him; +floods of tears ran down her eyes; her looks, her hands, her voice called +him over to her, and, at the same time, seemed to tell him that the river +was unpassable. Who can describe the passion made up of joy, sorrow, +love, desire, astonishment that rose in the Indian upon the sight of his +dear Yaratilda? He could express it by nothing but his tears, which ran +like a river down his cheeks as he looked upon her. He had not stood in +this posture long before he plunged into the stream that lay before him, +and finding it to be nothing but the phantom of a river, stalked on the +bottom of it till he arose on the other side. At his approach Yaratilda +flew into his arms, whilst Marraton wished himself disencumbered of that +body which kept her from his embraces. After many questions and +endearments on both sides, she conducted him to a bower, which she had +dressed with her own hands with all the ornaments that could be met with +in those blooming regions. She had made it gay beyond imagination, and +was every day adding something new to it. As Marraton stood astonished +at the unspeakable beauty of her habitation, and ravished with the +fragrancy that came from every part of it, Yaratilda told him that she +was preparing this bower for his reception, as well knowing that his +piety to his God, and his faithful dealing towards men, would certainly +bring him to that happy place whenever his life should be at an end. She +then brought two of her children to him, who died some years before, and +resided with her in the same delightful bower, advising him to breed up +those others which were still with him in such a manner that they might +hereafter all of them meet together in this happy place. + +The tradition tells us further that he had afterwards a sight of those +dismal habitations which are the portion of ill men after death; and +mentions several molten seas of gold, in which were plunged the souls of +barbarous Europeans, who put to the sword so many thousands of poor +Indians for the sake of that precious metal. But having already touched +upon the chief points of this tradition, and exceeded the measure of my +paper, I shall not give any further account of it. + + + + +SIX PAPERS ON WIT. + + +First Paper. + + + _Ut pictura poesis erit_-- + + HOR., _Ars Poet._ 361. + + Poems like pictures are. + +Nothing is so much admired, and so little understood, as wit. No author +that I know of has written professedly upon it. As for those who make +any mention of it, they only treat on the subject as it has accidentally +fallen in their way, and that too in little short reflections, or in +general declamatory flourishes, without entering into the bottom of the +matter. I hope, therefore, I shall perform an acceptable work to my +countrymen if I treat at large upon this subject; which I shall endeavour +to do in a manner suitable to it, that I may not incur the censure which +a famous critic bestows upon one who had written a treatise upon "the +sublime," in a low grovelling style. I intend to lay aside a whole week +for this undertaking, that the scheme of my thoughts may not be broken +and interrupted; and I dare promise myself, if my readers will give me a +week's attention, that this great city will be very much changed for the +better by next Saturday night. I shall endeavour to make what I say +intelligible to ordinary capacities; but if my readers meet with any +paper that in some parts of it may be a little out of their reach, I +would not have them discouraged, for they may assure themselves the next +shall be much clearer. + +As the great and only end of these my speculations is to banish vice and +ignorance out of the territories of Great Britain, I shall endeavour, as +much as possible, to establish among us a taste of polite writing. It is +with this view that I have endeavoured to set my readers right in several +points relating to operas and tragedies, and shall, from time to time, +impart my notions of comedy, as I think they may tend to its refinement +and perfection. I find by my bookseller, that these papers of criticism, +with that upon humour, have met with a more kind reception than indeed I +could have hoped for from such subjects; for which reason I shall enter +upon my present undertaking with greater cheerfulness. + +In this, and one or two following papers, I shall trace out the history +of false wit, and distinguish the several kinds of it as they have +prevailed in different ages of the world. This I think the more +necessary at present, because I observed there were attempts on foot last +winter to revive some of those antiquated modes of wit that have been +long exploded out of the commonwealth of letters. There were several +satires and panegyrics handed about in an acrostic, by which means some +of the most arrant undisputed blockheads about the town began to +entertain ambitious thoughts, and to set up for polite authors. I shall +therefore describe at length those many arts of false wit, in which a +writer does not show himself a man of a beautiful genius, but of great +industry. + +The first species of false wit which I have met with is very venerable +for its antiquity, and has produced several pieces which have lived very +near as long as the "Iliad" itself: I mean, those short poems printed +among the minor Greek poets, which resemble the figure of an egg, a pair +of wings, an axe, a shepherd's pipe, and an altar. + +As for the first, it is a little oval poem, and may not improperly be +called a scholar's egg. I would endeavour to hatch it, or, in more +intelligible language, to translate it into English, did not I find the +interpretation of it very difficult; for the author seems to have been +more intent upon the figure of his poem than upon the sense of it. + +The pair of wings consists of twelve verses, or rather feathers, every +verse decreasing gradually in its measure according to its situation in +the wing. The subject of it, as in the rest of the poems which follow, +bears some remote affinity with the figure, for it describes a god of +love, who is always painted with wings. + +The axe, methinks, would have been a good figure for a lampoon, had the +edge of it consisted of the most satirical parts of the work; but as it +is in the original, I take it to have been nothing else but the poesy of +an axe which was consecrated to Minerva, and was thought to be the same +that Epeus made use of in the building of the Trojan horse; which is a +hint I shall leave to the consideration of the critics. I am apt to +think that the poesy was written originally upon the axe, like those +which our modern cutlers inscribe upon their knives; and that, therefore, +the poesy still remains in its ancient shape, though the axe itself is +lost. + +The shepherd's pipe may be said to be full of music, for it is composed +of nine different kinds of verses, which by their several lengths +resemble the nine stops of the old musical instrument, that is likewise +the subject of the poem. + +The altar is inscribed with the epitaph of Troilus the son of Hecuba; +which, by the way, makes me believe that these false pieces of wit are +much more ancient than the authors to whom they are generally ascribed; +at least, I will never be persuaded that so fine a writer as Theocritus +could have been the author of any such simple works. + +It was impossible for a man to succeed in these performances who was not +a kind of painter, or at least a designer. He was first of all to draw +the outline of the subject which he intended to write upon, and +afterwards conform the description to the figure of his subject. The +poetry was to contract or dilate itself according to the mould in which +it was cast. In a word, the verses were to be cramped or extended to the +dimensions of the frame that was prepared for them; and to undergo the +fate of those persons whom the tyrant Procrustes used to lodge in his +iron bed: if they were too short, he stretched them on a rack; and if +they were too long, chopped off a part of their legs, till they fitted +the couch which he had prepared for them. + +Mr. Dryden hints at this obsolete kind of wit in one of the following +verses in his "Mac Flecknoe;" which an English reader cannot understand, +who does not know that there are those little poems above mentioned in +the shape of wings and altars:-- + + --Choose for thy command + Some peaceful province in acrostic land; + + There may'st thou wings display, and altars raise, + And torture one poor word a thousand ways. + +This fashion of false wit was revived by several poets of the last age, +and in particular may be met with among Mr. Herbert's poems; and, if I am +not mistaken, in the translation of Du Bartas. I do not remember any +other kind of work among the moderns which more resembles the +performances I have mentioned than that famous picture of King Charles +the First, which has the whole Book of Psalms written in the lines of the +face, and, the hair of the head. When I was last at Oxford I perused one +of the whiskers, and was reading the other, but could not go so far in it +as I would have done, by reason of the impatience of my friends and +fellow-travellers, who all of them pressed to see such a piece of +curiosity. I have since heard, that there is now an eminent +writing-master in town, who has transcribed all the Old Testament in a +full-bottomed periwig: and if the fashion should introduce the thick kind +of wigs which were in vogue some few years ago, he promises to add two or +three supernumerary locks that should contain all the Apocrypha. He +designed this wig originally for King William, having disposed of the two +Books of Kings in the two forks of the foretop; but that glorious monarch +dying before the wig was finished, there is a space left in it for the +face of any one that has a mind to purchase it. + +But to return to our ancient poems in picture. I would humbly propose, +for the benefit of our modern smatterers in poetry, that they would +imitate their brethren among the ancients in those ingenious devices. I +have communicated this thought to a young poetical lover of my +acquaintance, who intends to present his mistress with a copy of verses +made in the shape of her fan; and, if he tells me true, has already +finished the three first sticks of it. He has likewise promised me to +get the measure of his mistress's marriage finger with a design to make a +posy in the fashion of a ring, which shall exactly fit it. It is so very +easy to enlarge upon a good hint, that I do not question but my ingenious +readers will apply what I have said to many other particulars; and that +we shall see the town filled in a very little time with poetical tippets, +handkerchiefs, snuff-boxes, and the like female ornaments. I shall +therefore conclude with a word of advice to those admirable English +authors who call themselves Pindaric writers, that they would apply +themselves to this kind of wit without loss of time, as being provided +better than any other poets with verses of all sizes and dimensions. + + + +Second Paper. + + + _Operose nihil aguat_. + + SENECA. + + Busy about nothing. + +There is nothing more certain than that every man would be a wit if he +could; and notwithstanding pedants of pretended depth and solidity are +apt to decry the writings of a polite author, as flash and froth, they +all of them show, upon occasion, that they would spare no pains to arrive +at the character of those whom they seem to despise. For this reason we +often find them endeavouring at works of fancy, which cost them infinite +pangs in the production. The truth of it is, a man had better be a +galley-slave than a wit, were one to gain that title by those elaborate +trifles which have been the inventions of such authors as were often +masters of great learning, but no genius. + +In my last paper I mentioned some of these false wits among the ancients; +and in this shall give the reader two or three other species of them, +that flourished in the same early ages of the world. The first I shall +produce are the lipogrammatists or letter-droppers of antiquity, that +would take an exception, without any reason, against some particular +letter in the alphabet, so as not to admit it once into a whole poem. One +Tryphiodorus was a great master in this kind of writing. He composed an +"Odyssey" or epic poem on the adventures of Ulysses, consisting of four- +and-twenty books, having entirely banished the letter A from his first +book, which was called Alpha, as _lucus a non lucendo_, because there was +not an Alpha in it. His second book was inscribed Beta for the same +reason. In short, the poet excluded the whole four-and-twenty letters in +their turns, and showed them, one after another, that he could do his +business without them. + +It must have been very pleasant to have seen this poet avoiding the +reprobate letter, as much as another would a false quantity, and making +his escape from it through the several Greek dialects, when he was +pressed with it in any particular syllable. For the most apt and elegant +word in the whole language was rejected, like a diamond with a flaw in +it, if it appeared blemished with a wrong letter. I shall only observe +upon this head, that if the work I have here mentioned had been now +extant, the "Odyssey" of Tryphiodorus, in all probability, would have +been oftener quoted by our learned pedants than the "Odyssey" of Homer. +What a perpetual fund would it have been of obsolete words and phrases, +unusual barbarisms and rusticities, absurd spellings and complicated +dialects! I make no question but that it would have been looked upon as +one of the most valuable treasuries of the Greek tongue. + +I find likewise among the ancients that ingenious kind of conceit which +the moderns distinguish by the name of a rebus, that does not sink a +letter, but a whole word, by substituting a picture in its place. When +Caesar was one of the masters of the Roman mint, he placed the figure of +an elephant upon the reverse of the public money; the word Caesar +signifying an elephant in the Punic language. This was artificially +contrived by Caesar, because it was not lawful for a private man to stamp +his own figure upon the coin of the commonwealth. Cicero, who was so +called from the founder of his family, that was marked on the nose with a +little wen like a vetch, which is _Cicer_ in Latin, instead of Marcus +Tullius Cicero, ordered the words Marcus Tullius, with a figure of a +vetch at the end of them, to be inscribed on a public monument. This was +done probably to show that he was neither ashamed of his name nor family, +notwithstanding the envy of his competitors had often reproached him with +both. In the same manner we read of a famous building that was marked in +several parts of it with the figures of a frog and a lizard; those words +in Greek having been the names of the architects, who by the laws of +their country were never permitted to inscribe their own names upon their +works. For the same reason it is thought that the forelock of the horse, +in the antique equestrian statue of Marcus Aurelius, represents at a +distance the shape of an owl, to intimate the country of the statuary, +who, in all probability, was an Athenian. This kind of wit was very much +in vogue among our own countrymen about an age or two ago, who did not +practise it for any oblique reason, as the ancients above-mentioned, but +purely for the sake of being witty. Among innumerable instances that may +be given of this nature, I shall produce the device of one Mr. Newberry, +as I find it mentioned by our learned Camden in his Remains. Mr. +Newberry, to represent his name by a picture, hung up at his door the +sign of a yew-tree, that has several berries upon it, and in the midst of +them a great golden N hung upon a bough of the tree, which by the help of +a little false spelling made up the word Newberry. + +I shall conclude this topic with a rebus, which has been lately hewn out +in freestone, and erected over two of the portals of Blenheim House, +being the figure of a monstrous lion tearing to pieces a little cock. For +the better understanding of which device I must acquaint my English +reader that a cock has the misfortune to be called in Latin by the same +word that signifies a Frenchman, as a lion is the emblem of the English +nation. Such a device in so noble a pile of building looks like a pun in +an heroic poem; and I am very sorry the truly ingenious architect would +suffer the statuary to blemish his excellent plan with so poor a conceit. +But I hope what I have said will gain quarter for the cock, and deliver +him out of the lion's paw. + +I find likewise in ancient times the conceit of making an echo talk +sensibly, and give rational answers. If this could be excusable in any +writer, it would be in Ovid where he introduces the Echo as a nymph, +before she was worn away into nothing but a voice. The learned Erasmus, +though a man of wit and genius, has composed a dialogue upon this silly +kind of device, and made use of an Echo, who seems to have been a very +extraordinary linguist, for she answers the person she talks with in +Latin, Greek, and Hebrew, according as she found the syllables which she +was to repeat in any of those learned languages. Hudibras, in ridicule +of this false kind of wit, has described Bruin bewailing the loss of his +bear to the solitary Echo, who is of great use to the poet in several +distiches, as she does not only repeat after him, but helps out his +verse, and furnishes him with rhymes:-- + + He raged, and kept as heavy a coil as + Stout Hercules for loss of Hylas; + Forcing the valleys to repeat + The accents of his sad regret; + He beat his breast, and tore his hair, + For loss of his dear crony bear: + That Echo from the hollow ground + His doleful wailings did resound + More wistfully by many times, + Than in small poets' splay-foot rhymes, + That make her, in their rueful stories, + To answer to int'rogatories, + And most unconscionably depose + Things of which she nothing knows; + And when she has said all she can say, + 'Tis wrested to the lover's fancy. + Quoth he, "O whither, wicked Bruin, + Art thou fled to my"--Echo, _Ruin_? + "I thought th' hadst scorn'd to budge a step + For fear." Quoth Echo, _Marry guep_. + "Am I not here to take thy part?" + Then what has quell'd thy stubborn heart? + Have these bones rattled, and this head + So often in thy quarrel bled? + Nor did I ever winch or grudge it, + For thy dear sake." Quoth she, _Mum budget_. + Think'st thou 'twill not be laid i' th' dish, + Thou turn'dst thy back?" Quoth Echo, _Pish_. + To run from those th' hadst overcome + Thus cowardly?" Quoth Echo, _Mum_. + "But what a-vengeance makes thee fly + From me too as thine enemy? + Or if thou hadst no thought of me, + Nor what I have endured for thee, + Yet shame and honour might prevail + To keep thee thus from turning tail: + For who would grudge to spend his blood in + His honour's cause?" Quoth she, _A pudding_. + + _Part_ I., _Cant._ 3, 183. + + + +Third Paper. + + + _Hoc est quod palles_? _Cur quis non prandeat_, _hoc est_? + + PERS., _Sat._ iii. 85. + + Is it for this you gain those meagre looks, + And sacrifice your dinner to your books? + +Several kinds of false wit that vanished in the refined ages of the +world, discovered themselves again in the times of monkish ignorance. + +As the monks were the masters of all that little learning which was then +extant, and had their whole lives entirely disengaged from business, it +is no wonder that several of them, who wanted genius for higher +performances, employed many hours in the composition of such tricks in +writing as required much time and little capacity. I have seen half the +"AEneid" turned into Latin rhymes by one of the _beaux esprits_ of that +dark age: who says, in his preface to it, that the "AEneid" wanted +nothing but the sweets of rhyme to make it the most perfect work in its +kind. I have likewise seen a hymn in hexameters to the Virgin Mary, +which filled a whole book, though it consisted but of the eight following +words:-- + + _Tot tibi sunt_, _Virgo_, _dotes_, _quot sidera coelo_. + + Thou hast as many virtues, O Virgin, as there are stars in heaven. + +The poet rang the changes upon these eight several words, and by that +means made his verses almost as numerous as the virtues and stars which +they celebrated. It is no wonder that men who had so much time upon +their hands did not only restore all the antiquated pieces of false wit, +but enriched the world with inventions of their own. It is to this age +that we owe the production of anagrams, which is nothing else but a +transmutation of one word into another, or the turning of the same set of +letters into different words; which may change night into day, or black +into white, if chance, who is the goddess that presides over these sorts +of composition, shall so direct. I remember a witty author, in allusion +to this kind of writing, calls his rival, who, it seems, was distorted, +and had his limbs set in places that did not properly belong to them, +"the anagram of a man." + +When the anagrammatist takes a name to work upon, he considers it at +first as a mine not broken up, which will not show the treasure it +contains till he shall have spent many hours in the search of it; for it +is his business to find out one word that conceals itself in another, and +to examine the letters in all the variety of stations in which they can +possibly be ranged. I have heard of a gentleman who, when this kind of +wit was in fashion, endeavoured to gain his mistress's heart by it. She +was one of the finest women of her age, and known by the name of the Lady +Mary Boon. The lover not being able to make anything of Mary, by certain +liberties indulged to this kind of writing converted it into Moll; and +after having shut himself up for half a year, with indefatigable industry +produced an anagram. Upon the presenting it to his mistress, who was a +little vexed in her heart to see herself degraded into Moll Boon, she +told him, to his infinite surprise, that he had mistaken her surname, for +that it was not Boon, but Bohun. + + --_Ibi omnis_ + _Effusus labor_.-- + +The lover was thunder-struck with his misfortune, insomuch that in a +little time after he lost his senses, which, indeed, had been very much +impaired by that continual application he had given to his anagram. + +The acrostic was probably invented about the same time with the anagram, +though it is impossible to decide whether the inventor of the one or the +other were the greater blockhead. The simple acrostic is nothing but the +name or title of a person, or thing, made out of the initial letters of +several verses, and by that means written, after the manner of the +Chinese, in a perpendicular line. But besides these there are compound +acrostics, when the principal letters stand two or three deep. I have +seen some of them where the verses have not only been edged by a name at +each extremity, but have had the same name running down like a seam +through the middle of the poem. + +There is another near relation of the anagrams and acrostics, which is +commonly called a chronogram. This kind of wit appears very often on +many modern medals, especially those of Germany, when they represent in +the inscription the year in which they were coined. Thus we see on a +medal of Gustavus Adolphus time following words, CHRISTVS DUX ERGO +TRIVMPHVS. If you take the pains to pick the figures out of the several +words, and range them in their proper order, you will find they amount to +MDCXVVVII, or 1627, the year in which the medal was stamped: for as some +of the letters distinguish themselves from the rest, and overtop their +fellows, they are to be considered in a double capacity, both as letters +and as figures. Your laborious German wits will turn over a whole +dictionary for one of these ingenious devices. A man would think they +were searching after an apt classical term, but instead of that they are +looking out a word that has an L, an M, or a D in it. When, therefore, +we meet with any of these inscriptions, we are not so much to look in +them for the thought, as for the year of the Lord. + +The _bouts-rimes_ were the favourites of the French nation for a whole +age together, and that at a time when it abounded in wit and learning. +They were a list of words that rhyme to one another, drawn up by another +hand, and given to a poet, who was to make a poem to the rhymes in the +same order that they were placed upon the list: the more uncommon the +rhymes were, the more extraordinary was the genius of the poet that could +accommodate his verses to them. I do not know any greater instance of +the decay of wit and learning among the French, which generally follows +the declension of empire, than the endeavouring to restore this foolish +kind of wit. If the reader will be at trouble to see examples of it, let +him look into the new _Mercure Gallant_, where the author every month +gives a list of rhymes to be filled up by the ingenious, in order to be +communicated to the public in the _Mercure_ for the succeeding month. +That for the month of November last, which now lies before me, is as +follows:-- + + Lauriers + Guerriers + Musette + Lisette + Caesars + Etendars + Houlette + Folette + +One would be amazed to see so learned a man as Menage talking seriously +on this kind of trifle in the following passage:-- + +"Monsieur de la Chambre has told me that he never knew what he was going +to write when he took his pen into his hand; but that one sentence always +produced another. For my own part, I never knew what I should write next +when I was making verses. In the first place I got all my rhymes +together, and was afterwards perhaps three or four months in filling them +up. I one day showed Monsieur Gombaud a composition of this nature, in +which, among others, I had made use of the four following rhymes, +Amaryllis, Phyllis, Maine, Arne; desiring him to give me his opinion of +it. He told me immediately that my verses were good for nothing. And +upon my asking his reason, he said, because the rhymes are too common, +and for that reason easy to be put into verse. 'Marry,' says I, 'if it +be so, I am very well rewarded for all the pains I have been at!' But by +Monsieur Gombaud's leave, notwithstanding the severity of the criticism, +the verses were good." (_Vide_ "Menagiana.") Thus far the learned +Menage, whom I have translated word for word. + +The first occasion of these _bouts-rimes_ made them in some manner +excusable, as they were tasks which the French ladies used to impose on +their lovers. But when a grave author, like him above-mentioned, tasked +himself, could there be anything more ridiculous? Or would not one be +apt to believe that the author played booty, and did not make his list of +rhymes till he had finished his poem? + +I shall only add that this piece of false wit has been finely ridiculed +by Monsieur Sarasin, in a poem entitled "La Defaite des Bouts-Rimes." +(The Rout of the Bouts-Rimes). + +I must subjoin to this last kind of wit the double rhymes, which are used +in doggrel poetry, and generally applauded by ignorant readers. If the +thought of the couplet in such compositions is good, the rhyme adds +little to it; and if bad, it will not be in the power of the rhyme to +recommend it. I am afraid that great numbers of those who admire the +incomparable "Hudibras," do it more on account of these doggrel rhymes +than of the parts that really deserve admiration. I am sure I have heard +the + + Pulpit, drum ecclesiastic, + Was beat with fist, instead of a stick (Canto I, II), + +and-- + + There was an ancient philosopher + Who had read Alexander Ross over + + (_Part_ I., _Canto_ 2, 1), + +more frequently quoted than the finest pieces of wit in the whole poem. + + + +Fourth Paper. + + + _Non equidem hoc studeo bullatis ut mihi nugis_ + _Pagina turgescat_, _dare pondus idonea fumo_. + + PERS., _Sat._ v. 19. + + 'Tis not indeed my talent to engage + In lofty trifles, or to swell my page + With wind and noise. + + DRYDEN. + +There is no kind of false wit which has been so recommended by the +practice of all ages as that which consists in a jingle of words, and is +comprehended under the general name of punning. It is indeed impossible +to kill a weed which the soil has a natural disposition to produce. The +seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and though they may be +subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to +shoot up in the greatest genius that is not broken and cultivated by the +rules of art. Imitation is natural to us, and when it does not raise the +mind to poetry, painting, music, or other more noble arts, it often +breaks out in puns and quibbles. + +Aristotle, in the eleventh chapter of his book of rhetoric, describes two +or three kinds of puns, which he calls paragrams, among the beauties of +good writing, and produces instances of them out of some of the greatest +authors in the Greek tongue. Cicero has sprinkled several of his works +with puns, and, in his book where he lays down the rules of oratory, +quotes abundance of sayings as pieces of wit, which also, upon +examination, prove arrant puns. But the age in which the pun chiefly +flourished was in the reign of King James the First. That learned +monarch was himself a tolerable punster, and made very few bishops or +Privy Councillors that had not some time or other signalised themselves +by a clinch, or a conundrum. It was, therefore, in this age that the pun +appeared with pomp and dignity. It had been before admitted into merry +speeches and ludicrous compositions, but was now delivered with great +gravity from the pulpit, or pronounced in the most solemn manner at the +council-table. The greatest authors, in their most serious works, made +frequent use of puns. The sermons of Bishop Andrews, and the tragedies +of Shakespeare, are full of them. The sinner was punned into repentance +by the former; as in the latter, nothing is more usual than to see a hero +weeping and quibbling for a dozen lines together. + +I must add to these great authorities, which seem to have given a kind of +sanction to this piece of false wit, that all the writers of rhetoric +have treated of punning with very great respect, and divided the several +kinds of it into hard names, that are reckoned among the figures of +speech, and recommended as ornaments in discourse. I remember a country +schoolmaster of my acquaintance told me once, that he had been in company +with a gentleman whom he looked upon to be the greatest paragrammatist +among the moderns. Upon inquiry, I found my learned friend had dined +that day with Mr. Swan, the famous punster; and desiring him to give me +some account of Mr. Swan's conversation, he told me that he generally +talked in the _Paranomasia_, that he sometimes gave in to the _Ploce_, +but that in his humble opinion he shone most in the _Antanaclasis_. + +I must not here omit that a famous university of this land was formerly +very much infested with puns; but whether or not this might arise from +the fens and marshes in which it was situated, and which are now drained, +I must leave to the determination of more skilful naturalists. + +After this short history of punning, one would wonder how it should be so +entirely banished out of the learned world as it is at present, +especially since it had found a place in the writings of the most ancient +polite authors. To account for this we must consider that the first race +of authors, who were the great heroes in writing, were destitute of all +rules and arts of criticism; and for that reason, though they excel later +writers in greatness of genius, they fall short of them in accuracy and +correctness. The moderns cannot reach their beauties, but can avoid +their imperfections. When the world was furnished with these authors of +the first eminence, there grew up another set of writers, who gained +themselves a reputation by the remarks which they made on the works of +those who preceded them. It was one of the employments of these +secondary authors to distinguish the several kinds of wit by terms of +art, and to consider them as more or less perfect, according as they were +founded in truth. It is no wonder, therefore, that even such authors as +Isocrates, Plato, and Cicero, should have such little blemishes as are +not to be met with in authors of a much inferior character, who have +written since those several blemishes were discovered. I do not find +that there was a proper separation made between puns and true wit by any +of the ancient authors, except Quintilian and Longinus. But when this +distinction was once settled, it was very natural for all men of sense to +agree in it. As for the revival of this false wit, it happened about the +time of the revival of letters; but as soon as it was once detected, it +immediately vanished and disappeared. At the same time there is no +question but, as it has sunk in one age and rose in another, it will +again recover itself in some distant period of time, as pedantry and +ignorance shall prevail upon wit and sense. And, to speak the truth, I +do very much apprehend, by some of the last winter's productions, which +had their sets of admirers, that our posterity will in a few years +degenerate into a race of punsters: at least, a man may be very excusable +for any apprehensions of this kind, that has seen acrostics handed about +the town with great secresy and applause; to which I must also add a +little epigram called the "Witches' Prayer," that fell into verse when it +was read either backward or forward, excepting only that it cursed one +way, and blessed the other. When one sees there are actually such +painstakers among our British wits, who can tell what it may end in? If +we must lash one another, let it be with the manly strokes of wit and +satire: for I am of the old philosopher's opinion, that, if I must suffer +from one or the other, I would rather it should be from the paw of a lion +than from the hoof of an ass. I do not speak this out of any spirit of +party. There is a most crying dulness on both sides. I have seen Tory +acrostics and Whig anagrams, and do not quarrel with either of them +because they are Whigs or Tories, but because they are anagrams and +acrostics. + +But to return to punning. Having pursued the history of a pun, from its +original to its downfall, I shall here define it to be a conceit arising +from the use of two words that agree in the sound, but differ in the +sense. The only way, therefore, to try a piece of wit is to translate it +into a different language. If it bears the test, you may pronounce it +true; but if it vanishes in the experiment, you may conclude it to have +been a pun. In short, one may say of a pun, as the countryman described +his nightingale, that it is "_vox et praeterea nihil_"--"a sound, and +nothing but a sound." On the contrary, one may represent true wit by the +description which Aristaenetus makes of a fine woman:--"When she is +dressed she is beautiful: when she is undressed she is beautiful;" or, as +Mercerus has translated it more emphatically, _Induitur_, _formosa est_: +_exuitur_, _ipsa forma est_. + + + +Fifth Paper. + + + _Scribendi recte sapere est et principium_, _et fons_. + + HOR., _Ars Poet._ 309. + + Sound judgment is the ground of writing well.--ROSCOMMON. + +Mr. Locke has an admirable reflection upon the difference of wit and +judgment, whereby he endeavours to show the reason why they are not +always the talents of the same person. His words are as follow:--"And +hence, perhaps, may be given some reason of that common observation, +'That men who have a great deal of wit, and prompt memories, have not +always the clearest judgment or deepest reason.' For wit lying most in +the assemblage of ideas, and putting those together with quickness and +variety wherein can be found any resemblance or congruity, thereby to +make up pleasant pictures and agreeable visions in the fancy: judgment, +on the contrary, lies quite on the other side, in separating carefully +one from another, ideas wherein can be found the least difference, +thereby to avoid being misled by similitude, and by affinity to take one +thing for another. This is a way of proceeding quite contrary to +metaphor and allusion, wherein, for the most part, lies that +entertainment and pleasantry of wit which strikes so lively on the fancy, +and is therefore so acceptable to all people." + +This is, I think, the best and most philosophical account that I have +ever met with of wit, which generally, though not always, consists in +such a resemblance and congruity of ideas as this author mentions. I +shall only add to it, by way of explanation, that every resemblance of +ideas is not that which we call wit, unless it be such an one that gives +delight and surprise to the reader. These two properties seem essential +to wit, more particularly the last of them. In order, therefore, that +the resemblance in the ideas be wit, it is necessary that the ideas +should not lie too near one another in the nature of things; for, where +the likeness is obvious, it gives no surprise. To compare one man's +singing to that of another, or to represent the whiteness of any object +by that of milk and snow, or the variety of its colours by those of the +rainbow, cannot be called wit, unless, besides this obvious resemblance, +there be some further congruity discovered in the two ideas that is +capable of giving the reader some surprise. Thus, when a poet tells us +the bosom of his mistress is as white as snow, there is no wit in the +comparison; but when he adds, with a sigh, it is as cold too, it then +grows into wit. Every reader's memory may supply him with innumerable +instances of the same nature. For this reason, the similitudes in heroic +poets, who endeavour rather to fill the mind with great conceptions than +to divert it with such as are new and surprising, have seldom anything in +them that can be called wit. Mr. Locke's account of wit, with this short +explanation, comprehends most of the species of wit, as metaphors, +similitudes, allegories, enigmas, mottoes, parables, fables, dreams, +visions, dramatic writings, burlesque, and all the methods of allusion: +as there are many other pieces of wit, how remote soever they may appear +at first sight from the foregoing description, which upon examination +will be found to agree with it. + +As true wit generally consists in this resemblance and congruity of +ideas, false wit chiefly consists in the resemblance and congruity +sometimes of single letters, as in anagrams, chronograms, lipograms, and +acrostics; sometimes of syllables, as in echoes and doggrel rhymes; +sometimes of words, as in puns and quibbles; and sometimes of whole +sentences or poems, cast into the figures of eggs, axes, or altars; nay, +some carry the notion of wit so far as to ascribe it even to external +mimicry, and to look upon a man as an ingenious person that can resemble +the tone, posture, or face of another. + +As true wit consists in the resemblance of ideas, and false wit in the +resemblance of words, according to the foregoing instances, there is +another kind of wit which consists partly in the resemblance of ideas and +partly in the resemblance of words, which for distinction sake I shall +call mixed wit. This kind of wit is that which abounds in Cowley more +than in any author that ever wrote. Mr. Waller has likewise a great deal +of it. Mr. Dryden is very sparing in it. Milton had a genius much above +it. Spenser is in the same class with Milton. The Italians, even in +their epic poetry, are full of it. Monsieur Boileau, who formed himself +upon the ancient poets, has everywhere rejected it with scorn. If we +look after mixed wit among the Greek writers, we shall find it nowhere +but in the epigrammatists. There are indeed some strokes of it in the +little poem ascribed to Musaeus, which by that as well as many other +marks betrays itself to be a modern composition. If we look into the +Latin writers we find none of this mixed wit in Virgil, Lucretius, or +Catullus; very little in Horace, but a great deal of it in Ovid, and +scarce anything else in Martial. + +Out of the innumerable branches of mixed wit, I shall choose one instance +which may be met with in all the writers of this class. The passion of +love in its nature has been thought to resemble fire, for which reason +the words "fire" and "flame" are made use of to signify love. The witty +poets, therefore, have taken an advantage, from the doubtful meaning of +the word "fire," to make an infinite number of witticisms. Cowley +observing the cold regard of his mistress's eyes, and at the same time +the power of producing love in him, considers them as burning-glasses +made of ice; and, finding himself able to live in the greatest +extremities of love, concludes the torrid zone to be habitable. When his +mistress has read his letter written in juice of lemon, by holding it to +the fire, he desires her to read it over a second time by love's flames. +When she weeps, he wishes it were inward heat that distilled those drops +from the limbec. When she is absent, he is beyond eighty, that is, +thirty degrees nearer the pole than when she is with him. His ambitious +love is a fire that naturally mounts upwards; his happy love is the beams +of heaven, and his unhappy love flames of hell. When it does not let him +sleep, it is a flame that sends up no smoke; when it is opposed by +counsel and advice, it is a fire that rages the more by the winds blowing +upon it. Upon the dying of a tree, in which he had cut his loves, he +observes that his written flames had burnt up and withered the tree. When +he resolves to give over his passion, he tells us that one burnt like him +for ever dreads the fire. His heart is an AEtna, that, instead of +Vulcan's shop, encloses Cupid's forge in it. His endeavouring to drown +his love in wine is throwing oil upon the fire. He would insinuate to +his mistress that the fire of love, like that of the sun, which produces +so many living creatures, should not only warm, but beget. Love in +another place cooks Pleasure at his fire. Sometimes the poet's heart is +frozen in every breast, and sometimes scorched in every eye. Sometimes +he is drowned in tears and burnt in love, like a ship set on fire in the +middle of the sea. + +The reader may observe in every one of these instances that the poet +mixes the qualities of fire with those of love; and in the same sentence, +speaking of it both as a passion and as real fire, surprises the reader +with those seeming resemblances or contradictions that make up all the +wit in this kind of writing. Mixed wit, therefore, is a composition of +pun and true wit, and is more or less perfect as the resemblance lies in +the ideas or in the words. Its foundations are laid partly in falsehood +and partly in truth; reason puts in her claim for one half of it, and +extravagance for the other. The only province, therefore, for this kind +of wit is epigram, or those little occasional poems that in their own +nature are nothing else but a tissue of epigrams. I cannot conclude this +head of mixed wit without owning that the admirable poet, out of whom I +have taken the examples of it, had as much true wit as any author that +ever wrote; and indeed all other talents of an extraordinary genius. + +It may be expected, since I am upon this subject, that I should take +notice of Mr. Dryden's definition of wit, which, with all the deference +that is due to the judgment of so great a man, is not so properly a +definition of wit as of good writing in general. Wit, as he defines it, +is "a propriety of words and thoughts adapted to the subject." If this +be a true definition of wit, I am apt to think that Euclid was the +greatest wit that ever set pen to paper. It is certain there never was a +greater propriety of words and thoughts adapted to the subject than what +that author has made use of in his Elements. I shall only appeal to my +reader if this definition agrees with any notion he has of wit. If it be +a true one, I am sure Mr. Dryden was not only a better poet, but a +greater wit than Mr. Cowley, and Virgil a much more facetious man than +either Ovid or Martial. + +Bouhours, whom I look upon to be the most penetrating of all the French +critics, has taken pains to show that it is impossible for any thought to +be beautiful which is not just, and has not its foundation in the nature +of things; that the basis of all wit is truth; and that no thought can be +valuable of which good sense is not the groundwork. Boileau has +endeavoured to inculcate the same notion in several parts of his +writings, both in prose and verse. This is that natural way of writing, +that beautiful simplicity which we so much admire in the compositions of +the ancients, and which nobody deviates from but those who want strength +of genius to make a thought shine in its own natural beauties. Poets who +want this strength of genius to give that majestic simplicity to nature, +which we so much admire in the works of the ancients, are forced to hunt +after foreign ornaments, and not to let any piece of wit of what kind +soever escape them. I look upon these writers as Goths in poetry, who, +like those in architecture, not being able to come up to the beautiful +simplicity of the old Greeks and Romans, have endeavoured to supply its +place with all the extravagancies of an irregular fancy. Mr. Dryden +makes a very handsome observation on Ovid's writing a letter from Dido to +AEneas, in the following words: "Ovid," says he, speaking of Virgil's +fiction of Dido and AEneas, "takes it up after him, even in the same age, +and makes an ancient heroine of Virgil's new-created Dido; dictates a +letter for her just before her death to the ungrateful fugitive, and, +very unluckily for himself, is for measuring a sword with a man so much +superior in force to him on the same subject. I think I may be judge of +this, because I have translated both. The famous author of 'The Art of +Love' has nothing of his own; he borrows all from a greater master in his +own profession, and, which is worse, improves nothing which he finds. +Nature fails him; and, being forced to his old shift, he has recourse to +witticism. This passes indeed with his soft admirers, and gives him the +preference to Virgil in their esteem." + +Were not I supported by so great an authority as that of Mr. Dryden, I +should not venture to observe that the taste of most of our English +poets, as well as readers, is extremely Gothic. He quotes Monsieur +Segrais for a threefold distinction of the readers of poetry; in the +first of which he comprehends the rabble of readers, whom he does not +treat as such with regard to their quality, but to their numbers and the +coarseness of their taste. His words are as follows: "Segrais has +distinguished the readers of poetry, according to their capacity of +judging, into three classes." [He might have said the same of writers +too if he had pleased.] "In the lowest form he places those whom he +calls Les Petits Esprits, such things as our upper-gallery audience in a +playhouse, who like nothing but the husk and rind of wit, and prefer a +quibble, a conceit, an epigram, before solid sense and elegant +expression. These are mob readers. If Virgil and Martial stood for +Parliament-men, we know already who would carry it. But though they made +the greatest appearance in the field, and cried the loudest, the best of +it is they are but a sort of French Huguenots, or Dutch boors, brought +over in herds, but not naturalised: who have not lands of two pounds per +annum in Parnassus, and therefore are not privileged to poll. Their +authors are of the same level, fit to represent them on a mountebank's +stage, or to be masters of the ceremonies in a bear-garden; yet these are +they who have the most admirers. But it often happens, to their +mortification, that as their readers improve their stock of sense, as +they may by reading better books, and by conversation with men of +judgment, they soon forsake them." + +I must not dismiss this subject without observing that, as Mr. Locke, in +the passage above-mentioned, has discovered the most fruitful source of +wit, so there is another of a quite contrary nature to it, which does +likewise branch itself into several kinds. For not only the resemblance, +but the opposition of ideas does very often produce wit, as I could show +in several little points, turns, and antitheses that I may possibly +enlarge upon in some future speculation. + + + +Sixth Paper. + + + _Humano capiti cervicem pictor equinam_ + _Jungere si velit_, _et varias inducere plumas_, + _Undique collatis membris_, _ut turpiter atrum_ + _Desinat in piscem mulier formosa superne_; + _Spectatum admissi risum teneatis_, _amici_? + _Credite_, _Pisones_, _isti tabulae_, _fore librum_ + _Persimilem_, _cujus_, _velut aegri somnia_, _vanae_ + _Fingentur species_. + + HOR., _Ars Poet._ 1. + + If in a picture, Piso, you should see + A handsome woman with a fish's tail, + Or a man's head upon a horse's neck, + Or limbs of beasts, of the most different kinds, + Cover'd with feathers of all sorts of birds,-- + Would you not laugh, and think the painter mad? + Trust me, that book is as ridiculous + Whose incoherent style, like sick men's dreams, + Varies all shapes, and mixes all extremes. + + ROSCOMMON. + +It is very hard for the mind to disengage itself from a subject in which +it has been long employed. The thoughts will be rising of themselves +from time to time, though we give them no encouragement: as the tossings +and fluctuations of the sea continue several hours after the winds are +laid. + +It is to this that I impute my last night's dream or vision, which formed +into one continued allegory the several schemes of wit, whether false, +mixed, or true, that have been the subject of my late papers. + +Methought I was transported into a country that was filled with prodigies +and enchantments, governed by the goddess of Falsehood, and entitled the +Region of False Wit. There was nothing in the fields, the woods, and the +rivers, that appeared natural. Several of the trees blossomed in leaf- +gold, some of them produced bone-lace, and some of them precious stones. +The fountains bubbled in an opera tune, and were filled with stags, wild +bears, and mermaids, that lived among the waters; at the same time that +dolphins and several kinds of fish played upon the banks, or took their +pastime in the meadows. The birds had many of them golden beaks, and +human voices. The flowers perfumed the air with smells of incense, +ambergris, and pulvillios; and were so interwoven with one another, that +they grew up in pieces of embroidery. The winds were filled with sighs +and messages of distant lovers. As I was walking to and fro in this +enchanted wilderness, I could not forbear breaking out into soliloquies +upon the several wonders which lay before me, when, to my great surprise, +I found there were artificial echoes in every walk, that, by repetitions +of certain words which I spoke, agreed with me or contradicted me in +everything I said. In the midst of my conversation with these invisible +companions, I discovered in the centre of a very dark grove a monstrous +fabric built after the Gothic manner, and covered with innumerable +devices in that barbarous kind of sculpture. I immediately went up to +it, and found it to be a kind of heathen temple consecrated to the god of +Dulness. Upon my entrance I saw the deity of the place, dressed in the +habit of a monk, with a book in one hand and a rattle in the other. Upon +his right hand was Industry, with a lamp burning before her; and on his +left, Caprice, with a monkey sitting on her shoulder. Before his feet +there stood an altar of a very odd make, which, as I afterwards found, +was shaped in that manner to comply with the inscription that surrounded +it. Upon the altar there lay several offerings of axes, wings, and eggs, +cut in paper, and inscribed with verses. The temple was filled with +votaries, who applied themselves to different diversions, as their +fancies directed them. In one part of it I saw a regiment of anagrams, +who were continually in motion, turning to the right or to the left, +facing about, doubling their ranks, shifting their stations, and throwing +themselves into all the figures and counter-marches of the most +changeable and perplexed exercise. + +Not far from these was the body of acrostics, made up of very +disproportioned persons. It was disposed into three columns, the +officers planting themselves in a line on the left hand of each column. +The officers were all of them at least six feet high, and made three rows +of very proper men; but the common soldiers, who filled up the spaces +between the officers, were such dwarfs, cripples, and scarecrows, that +one could hardly look upon them without laughing. There were behind the +acrostics two or three files of chronograms, which differed only from the +former as their officers were equipped, like the figure of Time, with an +hour-glass in one hand, and a scythe in the other, and took their posts +promiscuously among the private men whom they commanded. + +In the body of the temple, and before the very face of the deity, +methought I saw the phantom of Tryphiodorus, the lipogrammatist, engaged +in a ball with four-and-twenty persons, who pursued him by turns through +all the intricacies and labyrinths of a country dance, without being able +to overtake him. + +Observing several to be very busy at the western end of the temple, I +inquired into what they were doing, and found there was in that quarter +the great magazine of rebuses. These were several things of the most +different natures tied up in bundles, and thrown upon one another in +heaps like fagots. You might behold an anchor, a night-rail, and a hobby- +horse bound up together. One of the workmen, seeing me very much +surprised, told me there was an infinite deal of wit in several of those +bundles, and that he would explain them to me if I pleased; I thanked him +for his civility, but told him I was in very great haste at that time. As +I was going out of the temple, I observed in one corner of it a cluster +of men and women laughing very heartily, and diverting themselves at a +game of crambo. I heard several double rhymes as I passed by them, which +raised a great deal of mirth. + +Not far from these was another set of merry people engaged at a +diversion, in which the whole jest was to mistake one person for another. +To give occasion for these ludicrous mistakes, they were divided into +pairs, every pair being covered from head to foot with the same kind of +dress, though perhaps there was not the least resemblance in their faces. +By this means an old man was sometimes mistaken for a boy, a woman for a +man, and a blackamoor for an European, which very often produced great +peals of laughter. These I guessed to be a party of puns. But being +very desirous to get out of this world of magic, which had almost turned +my brain, I left the temple and crossed over the fields that lay about it +with all the speed I could make. I was not gone far before I heard the +sound of trumpets and alarms, which seemed to proclaim the march of an +enemy: and, as I afterwards found, was in reality what I apprehended it. +There appeared at a great distance a very shining light, and in the midst +of it a person of a most beautiful aspect; her name was Truth. On her +right hand there marched a male deity, who bore several quivers on his +shoulders, and grasped several arrows in his hand; his name was Wit. The +approach of these two enemies filled all the territories of False Wit +with an unspeakable consternation, insomuch that the goddess of those +regions appeared in person upon her frontiers, with the several inferior +deities and the different bodies of forces which I had before seen in the +temple, who were now drawn up in array, and prepared to give their foes a +warm reception. As the march of the enemy was very slow, it gave time to +the several inhabitants who bordered upon the regions of Falsehood to +draw their forces into a body, with a design to stand upon their guard as +neuters, and attend the issue of the combat. + +I must here inform my reader that the frontiers of the enchanted region, +which I have before described, were inhabited by the species of Mixed +Wit, who made a very odd appearance when they were mustered together in +an army. There were men whose bodies were stuck full of darts, and women +whose eyes were burning-glasses; men that had hearts of fire, and women +that had breasts of snow. It would be endless to describe several +monsters of the like nature that composed this great army, which +immediately fell asunder, and divided itself into two parts, the one half +throwing themselves behind the banners of Truth, and the others behind +those of Falsehood. + +The goddess of Falsehood was of a gigantic stature, and advanced some +paces before the front of the army; but as the dazzling light which +flowed from Truth began to shine upon her, she faded insensibly; insomuch +that in a little space she looked rather like a huge phantom than a real +substance. At length, as the goddess of Truth approached still nearer to +her, she fell away entirely, and vanished amidst the brightness of her +presence; so that there did not remain the least trace or impression of +her figure in the place where she had been seen. + +As at the rising of the sun the constellations grow thin, and the stars +go out one after another, till the whole hemisphere is extinguished; such +was the vanishing of the goddess, and not only of the goddess herself, +but of the whole army that attended her, which sympathised with their +leader, and shrunk into nothing, in proportion as the goddess +disappeared. At the same time the whole temple sunk, the fish betook +themselves to the streams, and the wild beasts to the woods, the +fountains recovered their murmurs, the birds their voices, the trees +their leaves, the flowers their scents, and the whole face of nature its +true and genuine appearance. Though I still continued asleep, I fancied +myself, as it were, awakened out of a dream, when I saw this region of +prodigies restored to woods and rivers, fields and meadows. + +Upon the removal of that wild scene of wonders, which had very much +disturbed my imagination, I took a full survey of the persons of Wit and +Truth; for indeed it was impossible to look upon the first without seeing +the other at the same time. There was behind them a strong compact body +of figures. The genius of Heroic Poetry appeared with a sword in her +hand, and a laurel on her head. Tragedy was crowned with cypress, and +covered with robes dipped in blood. Satire had smiles in her look, and +a dagger under her garment. Rhetoric was known by her thunderbolt, and +Comedy by her mask. After several other figures, Epigram marched up in +the rear, who had been posted there at the beginning of the expedition, +that he might not revolt to the enemy, whom he was suspected to favour in +his heart. I was very much awed and delighted with the appearance of the +god of Wit; there was something so amiable, and yet so piercing in his +looks, as inspired me at once with love and terror. As I was gazing on +him, to my unspeakable joy, he took a quiver of arrows from his shoulder, +in order to make me a present of it; but as I was reaching out my hand to +receive it of him, I knocked it against a chair, and by that means +awaked. + + + + +FRIENDSHIP. + + + _Nos duo turba sumus_. + + OVID, _Met._ i. 355. + + We two are a multitude. + +One would think that the larger the company is, in which we are engaged, +the greater variety of thoughts and subjects would be started in +discourse; but instead of this, we find that conversation is never so +much straitened and confined as in numerous assemblies. When a multitude +meet together upon any subject of discourse, their debates are taken up +chiefly with forms and general positions; nay, if we come into a more +contracted assembly of men and women, the talk generally runs upon the +weather, fashions, news, and the like public topics. In proportion as +conversation gets into clubs and knots of friends, it descends into +particulars, and grows more free and communicative: but the most open, +instructive, and unreserved discourse is that which passes between two +persons who are familiar and intimate friends. On these occasions, a man +gives a loose to every passion and every thought that is uppermost, +discovers his most retired opinions of persons and things, tries the +beauty and strength of his sentiments, and exposes his whole soul to the +examination of his friend. + +Tully was the first who observed that friendship improves happiness and +abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and dividing of our grief; a +thought in which he hath been followed by all the essayists upon +friendship that have written since his time. Sir Francis Bacon has +finely described other advantages, or, as he calls them, fruits of +friendship; and, indeed, there is no subject of morality which has been +better handled and more exhausted than this. Among the several fine +things which have been spoken of it, I shall beg leave to quote some out +of a very ancient author, whose book would be regarded by our modern wits +as one of the most shining tracts of morality that is extant, if it +appeared under the name of a Confucius, or of any celebrated Grecian +philosopher; I mean the little apocryphal treatise entitled The Wisdom of +the Son of Sirach. How finely has he described the art of making friends +by an obliging and affable behaviour; and laid down that precept, which a +late excellent author has delivered as his own, That we should have many +well-wishers, but few friends. "Sweet language will multiply friends; +and a fair-speaking tongue will increase kind greetings. Be in peace +with many, nevertheless have but one counsellor of a thousand." With +what prudence does he caution us in the choice of our friends! And with +what strokes of nature, I could almost say of humour, has he described +the behaviour of a treacherous and self-interested friend! "If thou +wouldest get a friend, prove him first, and be not hasty to credit him: +for some man is a friend for his own occasion, and will not abide in the +day of thy trouble. And there is a friend who, being turned to enmity +and strife, will discover thy reproach." Again, "Some friend is a +companion at the table, and will not continue in the day of thy +affliction: but in thy prosperity he will be as thyself, and will be bold +over thy servants. If thou be brought low, he will be against thee, and +hide himself from thy face." What can be more strong and pointed than +the following verse?--"Separate thyself from thine enemies, and take heed +of thy friends." In the next words he particularises one of those fruits +of friendship which is described at length by the two famous authors +above-mentioned, and falls into a general eulogium of friendship, which +is very just as well as very sublime. "A faithful friend is a strong +defence; and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure. +Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his excellency is +unvaluable. A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that +fear the Lord shall find him. Whose feareth the Lord shall direct his +friendship aright; for as he is, so shall his neighbour, that is his +friend, be also." I do not remember to have met with any saying that has +pleased me more than that of a friend's being the medicine of life, to +express the efficacy of friendship in healing the pains and anguish which +naturally cleave to our existence in this world; and am wonderfully +pleased with the turn in the last sentence, that a virtuous man shall as +a blessing meet with a friend who is as virtuous as himself. There is +another saying in the same author, which would have been very much +admired in a heathen writer: "Forsake not an old friend, for the new is +not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old thou +shalt drink it with pleasure." With what strength of allusion and force +of thought has he described the breaches and violations of +friendship!--"Whoso casteth a stone at the birds, frayeth them away; and +he that upbraideth his friend, breaketh friendship. Though thou drawest +a sword at a friend, yet despair not, for there may be a returning to +favour. If thou hast opened thy mouth against thy friend, fear not, for +there may be a reconciliation: except for upbraiding, or pride, or +disclosing of secrets, or a treacherous wound; for, for these things +every friend will depart." We may observe in this, and several other +precepts in this author, those little familiar instances and +illustrations which are so much admired in the moral writings of Horace +and Epictetus. There are very beautiful instances of this nature in the +following passages, which are likewise written upon the same subject: +"Whose discovereth secrets, loseth his credit, and shall never find a +friend to his mind. Love thy friend, and be faithful unto him; but if +thou bewrayeth his secrets, follow no more after him: for as a man hath +destroyed his enemy, so hast thou lost the love of thy friend; as one +that letteth a bird go out of his hand, so hast thou let thy friend go, +and shall not get him again: follow after him no more, for he is too far +off; he is as a roe escaped out of the snare. As for a wound it may be +bound up, and after reviling there may be reconciliation; but he that +bewrayeth secrets, is without hope." + +Among the several qualifications of a good friend, this wise man has very +justly singled out constancy and faithfulness as the principal: to these, +others have added virtue, knowledge, discretion, equality in age and +fortune, and, as Cicero calls it, _Morum comitas_, "a pleasantness of +temper." If I were to give my opinion upon such an exhausted subject, I +should join to these other qualifications a certain equability or +evenness of behaviour. A man often contracts a friendship with one whom +perhaps he does not find out till after a year's conversation; when on a +sudden some latent ill-humour breaks out upon him, which he never +discovered or suspected at his first entering into an intimacy with him. +There are several persons who in some certain periods of their lives are +inexpressibly agreeable, and in others as odious and detestable. Martial +has given us a very pretty picture of one of this species, in the +following epigram: + + _Difficilis_, _facilis_, _jucundus_, _acerbus es idem_, + _Nec tecum possum vivere_, _nec sine te_. + + _Ep._ xii. 47. + + In all thy humours, whether grave or mellow, + Thou'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow; + Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen about thee, + There is no living with thee, nor without thee. + +It is very unlucky for a man to be entangled in a friendship with one +who, by these changes and vicissitudes of humour, is sometimes amiable +and sometimes odious: and as most men are at some times in admirable +frame and disposition of mind, it should be one of the greatest tasks of +wisdom to keep ourselves well when we are so, and never to go out of that +which is the agreeable part of our character. + + + + +CHEVY-CHASE. + + +Part One. + + + _Interdum vulgus rectum videt_. + + HOR., _Ep._ ii. 1, 63. + +Sometimes the vulgar see and judge aright. When I travelled I took a +particular delight in hearing the songs and fables that are come from +father to son, and are most in vogue among the common people of the +countries through which I passed; for it is impossible that anything +should be universally tasted and approved by a multitude, though they are +only the rabble of a nation, which hath not in it some peculiar aptness +to please and gratify the mind of man. Human nature is the same in all +reasonable creatures; and whatever falls in with it will meet with +admirers amongst readers of all qualities and conditions. Moliere, as we +are told by Monsieur Boileau, used to read all his comedies to an old +woman who was his housekeeper as she sat with him at her work by the +chimney-corner, and could foretell the success of his play in the theatre +from the reception it met at his fireside; for he tells us the audience +always followed the old woman, and never failed to laugh in the same +place. + +I know nothing which more shows the essential and inherent perfection of +simplicity of thought, above that which I call the Gothic manner in +writing, than this, that the first pleases all kinds of palates, and the +latter only such as have formed to themselves a wrong artificial taste +upon little fanciful authors and writers of epigram. Homer, Virgil, or +Milton, so far as the language of their poems is understood, will please +a reader of plain common sense, who would neither relish nor comprehend +an epigram of Martial, or a poem of Cowley; so, on the contrary, an +ordinary song or ballad that is the delight of the common people cannot +fail to please all such readers as are not unqualified for the +entertainment by their affectation of ignorance; and the reason is plain, +because the same paintings of nature which recommend it to the most +ordinary reader will appear beautiful to the most refined. + +The old song of "Chevy-Chase" is the favourite ballad of the common +people of England, and Ben Jonson used to say he had rather have been the +author of it than of all his works. Sir Philip Sidney, in his discourse +of Poetry, speaks of it in the following words: "I never heard the old +song of Percy and Douglas that I found not my heart more moved than with +a trumpet; and yet it is sung by some blind crowder with no rougher voice +than rude style, which being so evil apparelled in the dust and cobweb of +that uncivil age, what would it work trimmed in the gorgeous eloquence of +Pindar?" For my own part, I am so professed an admirer of this +antiquated song, that I shall give my reader a critique upon it without +any further apology for so doing. + +The greatest modern critics have laid it down as a rule that an heroic +poem should be founded upon some important precept of morality adapted to +the constitution of the country in which the poet writes. Homer and +Virgil have formed their plans in this view. As Greece was a collection +of many governments, who suffered very much among themselves, and gave +the Persian emperor, who was their common enemy, many advantages over +them by their mutual jealousies and animosities, Homer, in order to +establish among them an union which was so necessary for their safety, +grounds his poem upon the discords of the several Grecian princes who +were engaged in a confederacy against an Asiatic prince, and the several +advantages which the enemy gained by such discords. At the time the poem +we are now treating of was written, the dissensions of the barons, who +were then so many petty princes, ran very high, whether they quarrelled +among themselves or with their neighbours, and produced unspeakable +calamities to the country. The poet, to deter men from such unnatural +contentions, describes a bloody battle and dreadful scene of death, +occasioned by the mutual feuds which reigned in the families of an +English and Scotch nobleman. That he designed this for the instruction +of his poem we may learn from his four last lines, in which, after the +example of the modern tragedians, he draws from it a precept for the +benefit of his readers: + + God save the king, and bless the land + In plenty, joy, and peace; + And grant henceforth that foul debate + 'Twixt noblemen may cease. + +The next point observed by the greatest heroic poets hath been to +celebrate persons and actions which do honour to their country: thus +Virgil's hero was the founder of Rome; Homer's a prince of Greece; and +for this reason Valerius Flaccus and Statius, who were both Romans, might +be justly derided for having chosen the expedition of the Golden Fleece +and the Wars of Thebes for the subjects of their epic writings. + +The poet before us has not only found out a hero in his own country, but +raises the reputation of it by several beautiful incidents. The English +are the first who take the field and the last who quit it. The English +bring only fifteen hundred to the battle, the Scotch two thousand. The +English keep the field with fifty-three, the Scotch retire with fifty- +five; all the rest on each side being slain in battle. But the most +remarkable circumstance of this kind is the different manner in which the +Scotch and English kings receive the news of this fight, and of the great +men's deaths who commanded in it: + + This news was brought to Edinburgh, + Where Scotland's king did reign, + That brave Earl Douglas suddenly + Was with an arrow slain. + + "O heavy news!" King James did say, + "Scotland can witness be, + I have not any captain more + Of such account as he." + + Like tidings to King Henry came, + Within as short a space, + That Percy of Northumberland + Was slain in Chevy-Chase. + + "Now God be with him," said our king, + "Sith 'twill no better be, + I trust I have within my realm + Five hundred as good as he. + + "Yet shall not Scot nor Scotland say + But I will vengeance take, + And be revenged on them all + For brave Lord Percy's sake." + + This vow full well the king performed + After on Humble-down, + In one day fifty knights were slain, + With lords of great renown. + + And of the rest of small account + Did many thousands die, &c. + +At the same time that our poet shows a laudable partiality to his +countrymen, he represents the Scots after a manner not unbecoming so bold +and brave a people: + + Earl Douglas on a milk-white steed, + Most like a baron bold, + Rode foremost of the company, + Whose armour shone like gold. + +His sentiments and actions are every way suitable to a hero. "One of us +two," says he, "must die: I am an earl as well as yourself, so that you +can have no pretence for refusing the combat; however," says he, "it is +pity, and indeed would be a sin, that so many innocent men should perish +for our sakes: rather let you and I end our quarrel in single fight:" + + "Ere thus I will out-braved be, + One of us two shall die; + I know thee well, an earl thou art, + Lord Percy, so am I. + + "But trust me, Percy, pity it were + And great offence to kill + Any of these our harmless men, + For they have done no ill. + + "Let thou and I the battle try, + And set our men aside." + "Accurst be he," Lord Percy said, + "By whom this is deny'd." + +When these brave men had distinguished themselves in the battle and in +single combat with each other, in the midst of a generous parley, full of +heroic sentiments, the Scotch earl falls, and with his dying words +encourages his men to revenge his death, representing to them, as the +most bitter circumstance of it, that his rival saw him fall: + + With that there came an arrow keen + Out of an English bow, + Which struck Earl Douglas to the heart + A deep and deadly blow. + + Who never spoke more words than these, + "Fight on, my merry men all, + For why, my life is at an end, + Lord Percy sees my fall." + +Merry men, in the language of those times, is no more than a cheerful +word for companions and fellow-soldiers. A passage in the eleventh book +of Virgil's "AEneid" is very much to be admired, where Camilla, in her +last agonies, instead of weeping over the wound she had received, as one +might have expected from a warrior of her sex, considers only, like the +hero of whom we are now speaking, how the battle should be continued +after her death: + + _Tum sic exspirans_, &c. + +VIRG., _AEn._ xi. 820. + + A gath'ring mist o'erclouds her cheerful eyes; + And from her cheeks the rosy colour flies, + Then turns to her, whom of her female train + She trusted most, and thus she speaks with pain: + "Acca, 'tis past! he swims before my sight, + Inexorable Death, and claims his right. + Bear my last words to Turnus; fly with speed + And bid him timely to my charge succeed; + Repel the Trojans, and the town relieve: + Farewell." + + DRYDEN. + +Turnus did not die in so heroic a manner, though our poet seems to have +had his eye upon Turnus's speech in the last verse: + + Lord Percy sees my fall. + + --_Vicisti_, _et victum tendere palmas_ + _Ausonii videre_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ xii. 936. + + The Latin chiefs have seen me beg my life. + + DRYDEN. + +Earl Percy's lamentation over his enemy is generous, beautiful, and +passionate. I must only caution the reader not to let the simplicity of +the style, which one may well pardon in so old a poet, prejudice him +against the greatness of the thought: + + Then leaving life, Earl Percy took + The dead man by the hand, + And said, "Earl Douglas, for thy life + Would I had lost my land. + + "O Christ! my very heart doth bleed + With sorrow for thy sake; + For sure a more renowned knight + Mischance did never take." + +That beautiful line, "Taking the dead man by the hand," will put the +reader in mind of AEneas's behaviour towards Lausus, whom he himself had +slain as he came to the rescue of his aged father: + + _At vero ut vultum vidit morientis et ora_, + _Ora modis Anchisiades pallentia miris_; + _Ingemuit_, _miserans graviter_, _dextramqne tetendit_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ x. 821. + + The pious prince beheld young Lausus dead; + He grieved, he wept, then grasped his hand and said, + "Poor hapless youth! what praises can be paid + To worth so great?" + + DRYDEN. + +I shall take another opportunity to consider the other parts of this old +song. + + + +Part Two. + + + --_Pendent opera interrupta_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ iv. 88. + + The works unfinished and neglected lie. + +In my last Monday's paper I gave some general instances of those +beautiful strokes which please the reader in the old song of +"Chevy-Chase;" I shall here, according to my promise, be more particular, +and show that the sentiments in that ballad are extremely natural and +poetical, and full of the majestic simplicity which we admire in the +greatest of the ancient poets: for which reason I shall quote several +passages of it, in which the thought is altogether the same with what we +meet in several passages of the "AEneid;" not that I would infer from +thence that the poet, whoever he was, proposed to himself any imitation +of those passages, but that he was directed to them in general by the +same kind of poetical genius, and by the same copyings after nature. + +Had this old song been filled with epigrammatical turns and points of +wit, it might perhaps have pleased the wrong taste of some readers; but +it would never have become the delight of the common people, nor have +warmed the heart of Sir Philip Sidney like the sound of a trumpet; it is +only nature that can have this effect, and please those tastes which are +the most unprejudiced, or the most refined. I must, however, beg leave +to dissent from so great an authority as that of Sir Philip Sidney, in +the judgment which he has passed as to the rude style and evil apparel of +this antiquated song; for there are several parts in it where not only +the thought but the language is majestic, and the numbers sonorous; at +least the apparel is much more gorgeous than many of the poets made use +of in Queen Elizabeth's time, as the reader will see in several of the +following quotations. + +What can be greater than either the thought or the expression in that +stanza, + + To drive the deer with hound and horn + Earl Percy took his way; + The child may rue that is unborn + The hunting of that day! + +This way of considering the misfortunes which this battle would bring +upon posterity, not only on those who were born immediately after the +battle, and lost their fathers in it, but on those also who perished in +future battles which took their rise from this quarrel of the two earls, +is wonderfully beautiful and conformable to the way of thinking among the +ancient poets. + + _Audiet pugnas vitio parentum_. + _ Rara juventus_. + + HOR., _Od._ i. 2, 23. + + Posterity, thinn'd by their fathers' crimes, + Shall read, with grief, the story of their times. + +What can be more sounding and poetical, or resemble more the majestic +simplicity of the ancients, than the following stanzas?-- + + The stout Earl of Northumberland + A vow to God did make, + His pleasure in the Scottish woods + Three summer's days to take. + + With fifteen hundred bowmen bold, + All chosen men of might, + Who knew full well, in time of need, + To aim their shafts aright. + + The hounds ran swiftly through the woods + The nimble deer to take, + And with their cries the hills and dales + An echo shrill did make. + + --_Vocat ingenti clamore Cithaeron_, + _Taygetique canes_, _domitrixque Epidaurus equorum_: + _Et vox assensu memorum ingeminata remugit_. + + VIRG., _Georg._ iii. 43. + + Cithaeron loudly calls me to my way: + Thy hounds, Taygetus, open, and pursue their prey: + High Epidaurus urges on my speed, + Famed for his hills, and for his horses' breed: + From hills and dales the cheerful cries rebound: + For Echo hunts along, and propagates the sound. + + DRYDEN. + + Lo, yonder doth Earl Douglas come, + His men in armour bright; + Full twenty hundred Scottish spears, + All marching in our sight. + + All men of pleasant Tividale, + Fast by the river Tweed, &c. + +The country of the Scotch warrior, described in these two last verses, +has a fine romantic situation, and affords a couple of smooth words for +verse. If the reader compares the foregoing six lines of the song with +the following Latin verses, he will see how much they are written in the +spirit of Virgil: + + _Adversi campo apparent_: _hastasque reductis_ + _Protendunt longe dextris_, _et spicula vibrant_:-- + _Quique altum Praeneste viri_, _quique arva Gabinae_ + _Junonis_, _gelidumque Anienem_, _et roscida rivis_ + _Hernica saxa colunt_:--_qui rosea rura Velini_; + _Qui Tetricae horrentes rupes_, _montemq ue Severum_, + _Casperiamque colunt_, _porulosque et flumen Himellae_: + _Qui Tyberim Fabarimque bibunt_. + + _AEn._ xi. 605, vii. 682, 712. + + Advancing in a line they couch their spears-- + --Praeneste sends a chosen band, + With those who plough Saturnia's Gabine land: + Besides the succours which cold Anien yields: + The rocks of Hernicus--besides a band + That followed from Velinum's dewy land-- + And mountaineers that from Severus came: + And from the craggy cliffs of Tetrica; + And those where yellow Tiber takes his way, + And where Himella's wanton waters play: + Casperia sends her arms, with those that lie + By Fabaris, and fruitful Foruli. + + DRYDEN. + +But to proceed: + + Earl Douglas on a milk-white steed, + Most like a baron bold, + Rode foremost of the company, + Whose armour shone like gold. + + _Turnus_, _ut antevolans tardum praecesserat agmen_, &c. + _Vidisti_, _quo Turnus equo_, _quibus ibat in armis_ + _Aurcus_-- + +_AEn._ ix. 47, 269. + + Our English archers bent their bows, + Their hearts were good and true; + At the first flight of arrows sent, + Full threescore Scots they slew. + + They closed full fast on ev'ry side, + No slackness there was found; + And many a gallant gentleman + Lay gasping on the ground. + + With that there came an arrow keen + Out of an English bow, + Which struck Earl Douglas to the heart, + A deep and deadly blow. + +AEneas was wounded after the same manner by an unknown hand in the midst +of a parley. + + _Has inter voces_, _media inter talia verba_, + _Ecce viro stridens alis allapsa sagitta est_, + _Incertum qua pulsa manu_-- + + _AEn._ xii. 318. + + Thus, while he spake, unmindful of defence, + A winged arrow struck the pious prince; + But whether from a human hand it came, + Or hostile god, is left unknown by fame. + + DRYDEN. + +But of all the descriptive parts of this song, there are none more +beautiful than the four following stanzas, which have a great force and +spirit in them, and are filled with very natural circumstances. The +thought in the third stanza was never touched by any other poet, and is +such a one as would have shone in Homer or in Virgil: + + So thus did both these nobles die, + Whose courage none could stain; + An English archer then perceived + The noble Earl was slain. + + He had a bow bent in his hand, + Made of a trusty tree, + An arrow of a cloth-yard long + Unto the head drew he. + + Against Sir Hugh Montgomery + So right his shaft he set, + The gray-goose wing that was thereon + In his heart-blood was wet. + + This fight did last from break of day + Till setting of the sun; + For when they rung the ev'ning bell + The battle scarce was done. + +One may observe, likewise, that in the catalogue of the slain, the author +has followed the example of the greatest ancient poets, not only in +giving a long list of the dead, but by diversifying it with little +characters of particular persons. + + And with Earl Douglas there was slain + Sir Hugh Montgomery, + Sir Charles Carrel, that from the field + One foot would never fly. + + Sir Charles Murrel of Ratcliff too, + His sister's son was he; + Sir David Lamb so well esteem'd, + Yet saved could not be. + +The familiar sound in these names destroys the majesty of the +description; for this reason I do not mention this part of the poem but +to show the natural cast of thought which appears in it, as the two last +verses look almost like a translation of Virgil. + + --_Cadit et Ripheus justissimus unus_ + _Qui fuit in Teucris et servantissimus aequi_. + _Diis aliter visum_. + + _AEn._ ii. 426. + + Then Ripheus fell in the unequal fight, + Just of his word, observant of the right: + Heav'n thought not so. + + DRYDEN. + +In the catalogue of the English who fell, Witherington's behaviour is in +the same manner particularised very artfully, as the reader is prepared +for it by that account which is given of him in the beginning of the +battle; though I am satisfied your little buffoon readers, who have seen +that passage ridiculed in "Hudibras," will not be able to take the beauty +of it: for which reason I dare not so much as quote it. + + Then stept a gallant 'squire forth, + Witherington was his name, + Who said, "I would not have it told + To Henry our king for shame, + + "That e'er my captain fought on foot, + And I stood looking on." + +We meet with the same heroic sentiment in Virgil: + + _Non pudet_, _O Rutuli_, _cunctis pro talibus unam_ + _Objectare animam_? _numerone an viribus aequi_ + _Non sumus_? + + _AEn._ xii. 229 + + For shame, Rutilians, can you hear the sight + Of one exposed for all, in single fight? + Can we before the face of heav'n confess + Our courage colder, or our numbers less? + + DRYDEN. + +What can be more natural, or more moving, than the circumstances in which +he describes the behaviour of those women who had lost their husbands on +this fatal day? + + Next day did many widows come + Their husbands to bewail; + They wash'd their wounds in brinish tears, + But all would not prevail. + + Their bodies bathed in purple blood, + They bore with them away; + They kiss'd them dead a thousand times, + When they were clad in clay. + +Thus we see how the thoughts of this poem, which naturally arise from the +subject, are always simple, and sometimes exquisitely noble; that the +language is often very sounding, and that the whole is written with a +true poetical spirit. + +If this song had been written in the Gothic manner which is the delight +of all our little wits, whether writers or readers, it would not have hit +the taste of so many ages, and have pleased the readers of all ranks and +conditions. I shall only beg pardon for such a profusion of Latin +quotations; which I should not have made use of, but that I feared my own +judgment would have looked too singular on such a subject, had not I +supported it by the practice and authority of Virgil. + + + + +A DREAM OF THE PAINTERS. + + + --_Animum pictura pascit inani_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ i. 464. + + And with the shadowy picture feeds his mind. + +When the weather hinders me from taking my diversions without-doors, I +frequently make a little party, with two or three select friends, to +visit anything curious that may be seen under cover. My principal +entertainments of this nature are pictures, insomuch that when I have +found the weather set in to be very bad, I have taken a whole day's +journey to see a gallery that is furnished by the hands of great masters. +By this means, when the heavens are filled with clouds, when the earth +swims in rain, and all nature wears a lowering countenance, I withdraw +myself from these uncomfortable scenes, into the visionary worlds of art; +where I meet with shining landscapes, gilded triumphs, beautiful faces, +and all those other objects that fill the mind with gay ideas, and +disperse that gloominess which is apt to hang upon it in those dark +disconsolate seasons. + +I was some weeks ago in a course of these diversions, which had taken +such an entire possession of my imagination that they formed in it a +short morning's dream, which I shall communicate to my reader, rather as +the first sketch and outlines of a vision, than as a finished piece. + +I dreamt that I was admitted into a long, spacious gallery, which had one +side covered with pieces of all the famous painters who are now living, +and the other with the works of the greatest masters that are dead. + +On the side of the living, I saw several persons busy in drawing, +colouring, and designing. On the side of the dead painters, I could not +discover more than one person at work, who was exceeding slow in his +motions, and wonderfully nice in his touches. + +I was resolved to examine the several artists that stood before me, and +accordingly applied myself to the side of the living. The first I +observed at work in this part of the gallery was Vanity, with his hair +tied behind him in a riband, and dressed like a Frenchman. All the faces +he drew were very remarkable for their smiles, and a certain smirking air +which he bestowed indifferently on every age and degree of either sex. +The _toujours gai_ appeared even in his judges, bishops, and Privy +Councillors. In a word, all his men were _petits maitres_, and all his +women _coquettes_. The drapery of his figures was extremely well suited +to his faces, and was made up of all the glaring colours that could be +mixed together; every part of the dress was in a flutter, and endeavoured +to distinguish itself above the rest. + +On the left hand of Vanity stood a laborious workman, who I found was his +humble admirer, and copied after him. He was dressed like a German, and +had a very hard name that sounded something like Stupidity. + +The third artist that I looked over was Fantasque, dressed like a +Venetian scaramouch. He had an excellent hand at chimera, and dealt very +much in distortions and grimaces. He would sometimes affright himself +with the phantoms that flowed from his pencil. In short, the most +elaborate of his pieces was at best but a terrifying dream: and one could +say nothing more of his finest figures than that they were agreeable +monsters. + +The fourth person I examined was very remarkable for his hasty hand, +which left his pictures so unfinished that the beauty in the picture, +which was designed to continue as a monument of it to posterity, faded +sooner than in the person after whom it was drawn. He made so much haste +to despatch his business that he neither gave himself time to clean his +pencils nor mix his colours. The name of this expeditious workman was +Avarice. + +Not far from this artist I saw another of a quite different nature, who +was dressed in the habit of a Dutchman, and known by the name of +Industry. His figures were wonderfully laboured. If he drew the +portraiture of a man, he did not omit a single hair in his face; if the +figure of a ship, there was not a rope among the tackle that escaped him. +He had likewise hung a great part of the wall with night-pieces, that +seemed to show themselves by the candles which were lighted up in several +parts of them; and were so inflamed by the sunshine which accidentally +fell upon them, that at first sight I could scarce forbear crying out +"Fire!" + +The five foregoing artists were the most considerable on this side the +gallery; there were indeed several others whom I had not time to look +into. One of them, however, I could not forbear observing, who was very +busy in retouching the finest pieces, though he produced no originals of +his own. His pencil aggravated every feature that was before +overcharged, loaded every defect, and poisoned every colour it touched. +Though this workman did so much mischief on the side of the living, he +never turned his eye towards that of the dead. His name was Envy. + +Having taken a cursory view of one side of the gallery, I turned myself +to that which was filled by the works of those great masters that were +dead; when immediately I fancied myself standing before a multitude of +spectators, and thousands of eyes looking upon me at once: for all before +me appeared so like men and women, that I almost forgot they were +pictures. Raphael's pictures stood in one row, Titian's in another, +Guido Rheni's in a third. One part of the wall was peopled by Hannabal +Carrache, another by Correggio, and another by Rubens. To be short, +there was not a great master among the dead who had not contributed to +the embellishment of this side of the gallery. The persons that owed +their being to these several masters appeared all of them to be real and +alive, and differed among one another only in the variety of their +shapes, complexions, and clothes; so that they looked like different +nations of the same species. + +Observing an old man, who was the same person I before mentioned, as the +only artist that was at work on this side of the gallery, creeping up and +down from one picture to another, and retouching all the fine pieces that +stood before me, I could not but be very attentive to all his motions. I +found his pencil was so very light that it worked imperceptibly, and +after a thousand touches scarce produced any visible effect in the +picture on which he was employed. However, as he busied himself +incessantly, and repeated touch after touch without rest or intermission, +he wore off insensibly every little disagreeable gloss that hung upon a +figure. He also added such a beautiful brown to the shades, and +mellowness to the colours, that he made every picture appear more perfect +than when it came fresh from the master's pencil. I could not forbear +looking upon the face of this ancient workman, and immediately by the +long lock of hair upon his forehead, discovered him to be Time. + +Whether it were because the thread of my dream was at an end I cannot +tell, but, upon my taking a survey of this imaginary old man, my sleep +left me. + + + + +SPARE TIME. + + +Part One. + + + --_Spatio brevi_ + _Spem longam reseces_: _dum loquimur_, _fugerit invida_ + _AEtas_: _carpe diem_, _quam minimum credula postero_. + + HOR., _Od._ i. 11, 6. + + Thy lengthen'd hope with prudence bound, + Proportion'd to the flying hour: + While thus we talk in careless ease, + Our envious minutes wing their flight; + Then swift the fleeting pleasure seize, + Nor trust to-morrow's doubtful light. + + FRANCIS. + +We all of us complain of the shortness of time, saith Seneca, and yet +have much more than we know what to do with. Our lives, says he, are +spent either in doing nothing at all, or in doing nothing to the purpose, +or in doing nothing that we ought to do. We are always complaining our +days are few, and acting as though there would be no end of them. That +noble philosopher described our inconsistency with ourselves in this +particular, by all those various turns of expression and thoughts which +are peculiar to his writings. + +I often consider mankind as wholly inconsistent with itself in a point +that bears some affinity to the former. Though we seem grieved at the +shortness of life in general, we are wishing every period of it at an +end. The minor longs to be of age, then to be a man of business, then to +make up an estate, then to arrive at honours, then to retire. Thus, +although the whole of life is allowed by every one to be short, the +several divisions of it appear long and tedious. We are for lengthening +our span in general, but would fain contract the parts of which it is +composed. The usurer would be very well satisfied to have all the time +annihilated that lies between the present moment and next quarter-day. +The politician would be contented to lose three years in his life, could +he place things in the posture which he fancies they will stand in after +such a revolution of time. The lover would be glad to strike out of his +existence all the moments that are to pass away before the happy meeting. +Thus, as fast as our time runs, we should be very glad, in most part of +our lives, that it ran much faster than it does. Several hours of the +day hang upon our hands, nay, we wish away whole years; and travel +through time as through a country filled with many wild and empty wastes, +which we would fain hurry over, that we may arrive at those several +little settlements or imaginary points of rest which are dispersed up and +down in it. + +If we divide the life of most men into twenty parts, we shall find that +at least nineteen of them are mere gaps and chasms, which are neither +filled with pleasure nor business. I do not, however, include in this +calculation the life of those men who are in a perpetual hurry of +affairs, but of those only who are not always engaged in scenes of +action; and I hope I shall not do an unacceptable piece of service to +these persons, if I point out to them certain methods for the filling up +their empty spaces of life. The methods I shall propose to them are as +follow. + +The first is the exercise of virtue, in the most general acceptation of +the word. That particular scheme which comprehends the social virtues +may give employment to the most industrious temper, and find a man in +business more than the most active station of life. To advise the +ignorant, relieve the needy, comfort the afflicted, are duties that fall +in our way almost every day of our lives. A man has frequent +opportunities of mitigating the fierceness of a party; of doing justice +to the character of a deserving man; of softening the envious, quieting +the angry, and rectifying the prejudiced; which are all of them +employments suited to a reasonable nature, and bring great satisfaction +to the person who can busy himself in them with discretion. + +There is another kind of virtue that may find employment for those +retired hours in which we are altogether left to ourselves, and destitute +of company and conversation; I mean that intercourse and communication +which every reasonable creature ought to maintain with the great Author +of his being. The man who lives under an habitual sense of the Divine +presence, keeps up a perpetual cheerfulness of temper, and enjoys every +moment the satisfaction of thinking himself in company with his dearest +and best of friends. The time never lies heavy upon him: it is +impossible for him to be alone. His thoughts and passions are the most +busied at such hours when those of other men are the most inactive. He +no sooner steps out of the world but his heart burns with devotion, +swells with hope, and triumphs in the consciousness of that Presence +which everywhere surrounds him; or, on the contrary, pours out its fears, +its sorrows, its apprehensions, to the great Supporter of its existence. + +I have here only considered the necessity of a man's being virtuous, that +he may have something to do; but if we consider further that the exercise +of virtue is not only an amusement for the time it lasts, but that its +influence extends to those parts of our existence which lie beyond the +grave, and that our whole eternity is to take its colour from those hours +which we here employ in virtue or in vice, the argument redoubles upon us +for putting in practice this method of passing away our time. + +When a man has but a little stock to improve, and has opportunities of +turning it all to good account, what shall we think of him if he suffers +nineteen parts of it to lie dead, and perhaps employs even the twentieth +to his ruin or disadvantage? But, because the mind cannot be always in +its fervours, nor strained up to a pitch of virtue, it is necessary to +find out proper employments for it in its relaxations. + +The next method, therefore, that I would propose to fill up our time, +should be useful and innocent diversions. I must confess I think it is +below reasonable creatures to be altogether conversant in such diversions +as are merely innocent, and have nothing else to recommend them but that +there is no hurt in them. Whether any kind of gaming has even thus much +to say for itself, I shall not determine; but I think it is very +wonderful to see persons of the best sense passing away a dozen hours +together in shuffling and dividing a pack of cards, with no other +conversation but what is made up of a few game phrases, and no other +ideas but those of black or red spots ranged together in different +figures. Would not a man laugh to hear any one of this species +complaining that life is short? + +The stage might be made a perpetual source of the most noble and useful +entertainments, were it under proper regulations. + +But the mind never unbends itself so agreeably as in the conversation of +a well-chosen friend. There is indeed no blessing of life that is any +way comparable to the enjoyment of a discreet and virtuous friend. It +eases and unloads the mind, clears and improves the understanding, +engenders thoughts and knowledge, animates virtue and good resolutions, +soothes and allays the passions, and finds employment for most of the +vacant hours of life. + +Next to such an intimacy with a particular person, one would endeavour +after a more general conversation with such as are able to entertain and +improve those with whom they converse, which are qualifications that +seldom go asunder. + +There are many other useful amusements of life which one would endeavour +to multiply, that one might on all occasions have recourse to something +rather than suffer the mind to lie idle, or run adrift with any passion +that chances to rise in it. + +A man that has a taste of music, painting, or architecture, is like one +that has another sense, when compared with such as have no relish of +those arts. The florist, the planter, the gardener, the husbandman, when +they are only as accomplishments to the man of fortune, are great reliefs +to a country life, and many ways useful to those who are possessed of +them. + +But of all the diversions of life, there is none so proper to fill up its +empty spaces as the reading of useful and entertaining authors. But this +I shall only touch upon, because it in some measure interferes with the +third method, which I shall propose in another paper, for the employment +of our dead, inactive hours, and which I shall only mention in general to +be the pursuit of knowledge. + + + +Part Two. + + + --_Hoc est_ + _Vivere bis_, _vita posse priore frui_. + + MART., _Ep._ x. 23. + + The present joys of life we doubly taste, + By looking back with pleasure to the past. + +The last method which I proposed in my Saturday's paper, for filing up +those empty spaces of life which are so tedious and burthensome to idle +people, is the employing ourselves in the pursuit of knowledge. I +remember Mr. Boyle, speaking of a certain mineral, tells us that a man +may consume his whole life in the study of it without arriving at the +knowledge of all its qualities. The truth of it is, there is not a +single science, or any branch of it, that might not furnish a man with +business for life, though it were much longer than it is. + +I shall not here engage on those beaten subjects of the usefulness of +knowledge, nor of the pleasure and perfection it gives the mind, nor on +the methods of attaining it, nor recommend any particular branch of it; +all which have been the topics of many other writers; but shall indulge +myself in a speculation that is more uncommon, and may therefore, +perhaps, be more entertaining. + +I have before shown how the unemployed parts of life appear long and +tedious, and shall here endeavour to show how those parts of life which +are exercised in study, reading, and the pursuits of knowledge, are long, +but not tedious, and by that means discover a method of lengthening our +lives, and at the same time of turning all the parts of them to our +advantage. + +Mr. Locke observes, "That we get the idea of time or duration, by +reflecting on that train of ideas which succeed one another in our minds: +that, for this reason, when we sleep soundly without dreaming, we have no +perception of time, or the length of it whilst we sleep; and that the +moment wherein we leave off to think, till the moment we begin to think +again, seems to have no distance." To which the author adds, "and so I +doubt not but it would be to a waking man, if it were possible for him to +keep only one idea in his mind, without variation and the succession of +others; and we see that one who fixes his thoughts very intently on one +thing, so as to take but little notice of the succession of ideas that +pass in his mind whilst he is taken up with that earnest contemplation, +lets slip out of his account a good part of that duration, and thinks +that time shorter than it is." + +We might carry this thought further, and consider a man as on one side, +shortening his time by thinking on nothing, or but a few things; so, on +the other, as lengthening it, by employing his thoughts on many subjects, +or by entertaining a quick and constant succession of ideas. Accordingly, +Monsieur Malebranche, in his "Inquiry after Truth," which was published +several years before Mr. Locke's Essay on "Human Understanding," tells +us, "that it is possible some creatures may think half an hour as long as +we do a thousand years; or look upon that space of duration which we call +a minute, as an hour, a week, a month, or a whole age." + +This notion of Monsieur Malebranche is capable of some little explanation +from what I have quoted out of Mr. Locke; for if our notion of time is +produced by our reflecting on the succession of ideas in our mind, and +this succession may be infinitely accelerated or retarded, it will follow +that different beings may have different notions of the same parts of +duration, according as their ideas, which we suppose are equally distinct +in each of them, follow one another in a greater or less degree of +rapidity. + +There is a famous passage in the Alcoran, which looks as if Mahomet had +been possessed of the notion we are now speaking of. It is there said +that the Angel Gabriel took Mahomet out of his bed one morning to give +him a sight of all things in the seven heavens, in paradise, and in hell, +which the prophet took a distinct view of; and, after having held ninety +thousand conferences with God, was brought back again to his bed. All +this, says the Alcoran, was transacted in so small a space of time, that +Mahomet at his return found his bed still warm, and took up an earthen +pitcher, which was thrown down at the very instant that the Angel Gabriel +carried him away, before the water was all spilt. + +There is a very pretty story in the Turkish Tales, which relates to this +passage of that famous impostor, and bears some affinity to the subject +we are now upon. A sultan of Egypt, who was an infidel, used to laugh at +this circumstance in Mahomet's life, as what was altogether impossible +and absurd: but conversing one day with a great doctor in the law, who +had the gift of working miracles, the doctor told him he would quickly +convince him of the truth of this passage in the history of Mahomet, if +he would consent to do what he should desire of him. Upon this the +sultan was directed to place himself by a huge tub of water, which he did +accordingly; and as he stood by the tub amidst a circle of his great men, +the holy man bade him plunge his head into the water and draw it up +again. The king accordingly thrust his head into the water, and at the +same time found himself at the foot of a mountain on the sea-shore. The +king immediately began to rage against his doctor for this piece of +treachery and witchcraft; but at length, knowing it was in vain to be +angry, he set himself to think on proper methods for getting a livelihood +in this strange country. Accordingly he applied himself to some people +whom he saw at work in a neighbouring wood: these people conducted him to +a town that stood at a little distance from the wood, where, after some +adventures, he married a woman of great beauty and fortune. He lived +with this woman so long that he had by her seven sons and seven +daughters. He was afterwards reduced to great want, and forced to think +of plying in the streets as a porter for his livelihood. One day as he +was walking alone by the sea-side, being seized with many melancholy +reflections upon his former and his present state of life, which had +raised a fit of devotion in him, he threw off his clothes with a design +to wash himself, according to the custom of the Mahometans, before he +said his prayers. + +After his first plunge into the sea, he no sooner raised his head above +the water but he found himself standing by the side of the tub, with the +great men of his court about him, and the holy man at his side. He +immediately upbraided his teacher for having sent him on such a course of +adventures, and betrayed him into so long a state of misery and +servitude; but was wonderfully surprised when he heard that the state he +talked of was only a dream and delusion; that he had not stirred from the +place where he then stood; and that he had only dipped his head into the +water, and immediately taken it out again. + +The Mahometan doctor took this occasion of instructing the sultan that +nothing was impossible with God; and that He, with whom a thousand years +are but as one day, can, if He pleases, make a single day--nay, a single +moment--appear to any of His creatures as a thousand years. + +I shall leave my reader to compare these Eastern fables with the notions +of those two great philosophers whom I have quoted in this paper; and +shall only, by way of application, desire him to consider how we may +extend life beyond its natural dimensions, by applying ourselves +diligently to the pursuit of knowledge. + +The hours of a wise man are lengthened by his ideas, as those of a fool +are by his passions. The time of the one is long, because he does not +know what to do with it; so is that of the other, because he +distinguishes every moment of it with useful or amusing thoughts; or, in +other words, because the one is always wishing it away, and the other +always enjoying it. + +How different is the view of past life, in the man who is grown old in +knowledge and wisdom, from that of him who is grown old in ignorance and +folly! The latter is like the owner of a barren country, that fills his +eye with the prospect of naked hills and plains, which produce nothing +either profitable or ornamental; the other beholds a beautiful and +spacious landscape divided into delightful gardens, green meadows, +fruitful fields, and can scarce cast his eye on a single spot of his +possessions that is not covered with some beautiful plant or flower. + + + + +CENSURE. + + + _Romulus_, _et Liber pater_, _et cum Castore Pollux_, + _Post ingentia facta_, _deorum in templa recepti_; + _Dum terras hominumque colunt genus_, _aspera bella_ + _Componunt_, _agros assignant_, _oppida condunt_; + _Ploravere suis non respondere favorem_ + _Speratum meritis_. + +HOR., _Epist._ ii. 1, 5. + + MITATED. + + Edward and Henry, now the boast of fame, + And virtuous Alfred, a more sacred name, + After a life of generous toils endured, + The Gaul subdued, or property secured, + Ambition humbled, mighty cities storm'd, + Or laws establish'd, and the world reform'd; + Closed their long glories with a sigh to find + Th' unwilling gratitude of base mankind. + + POPE. + +"Censure," says a late ingenious author, "is the tax a man pays to the +public for being eminent." It is a folly for an eminent man to think of +escaping it, and a weakness to be affected with it. All the illustrious +persons of antiquity, and indeed of every age in the world, have passed +through this fiery persecution. There is no defence against reproach but +obscurity; it is a kind of concomitant to greatness, as satires and +invectives were an essential part of a Roman triumph. + +If men of eminence are exposed to censure on one hand, they are as much +liable to flattery on the other. If they receive reproaches which are +not due to them, they likewise receive praises which they do not deserve. +In a word, the man in a high post is never regarded with an indifferent +eye, but always considered as a friend or an enemy. For this reason +persons in great stations have seldom their true characters drawn till +several years after their deaths. Their personal friendships and +enmities must cease, and the parties they were engaged in be at an end, +before their faults or their virtues can have justice done them. When +writers have the least opportunity of knowing the truth, they are in the +best disposition to tell it. + +It is therefore the privilege of posterity to adjust the characters of +illustrious persons, and to set matters right between those antagonists +who by their rivalry for greatness divided a whole age into factions. We +can now allow Caesar to be a great man, without derogating from Pompey; +and celebrate the virtues of Cato, without detracting from those of +Caesar. Every one that has been long dead has a due proportion of praise +allotted him, in which, whilst he lived, his friends were too profuse, +and his enemies too sparing. + +According to Sir Isaac Newton's calculations, the last comet that made +its appearance, in 1680, imbibed so much heat by its approaches to the +sun, that it would have been two thousand times hotter than red-hot iron, +had it been a globe of that metal; and that supposing it as big as the +earth, and at the same distance from the sun, it would be fifty thousand +years in cooling, before it recovered its natural temper. In the like +manner, if an Englishman considers the great ferment into which our +political world is thrown at present, and how intensely it is heated in +all its parts, he cannot suppose that it will cool again in less than +three hundred years. In such a tract of time it is possible that the +heats of the present age may be extinguished, and our several classes of +great men represented under their proper characters. Some eminent +historian may then probably arise that will not write _recentibus odiis_, +as Tacitus expresses it, with the passions and prejudices of a +contemporary author, but make an impartial distribution of fame among the +great men of the present age. + +I cannot forbear entertaining myself very often with the idea of such an +imaginary historian describing the reign of Anne the First, and +introducing it with a preface to his reader, that he is now entering upon +the most shining part of the English story. The great rivals in fame +will be then distinguished according to their respective merits, and +shine in their proper points of light. Such an one, says the historian, +though variously represented by the writers of his own age, appears to +have been a man of more than ordinary abilities, great application, and +uncommon integrity: nor was such an one, though of an opposite party and +interest, inferior to him in any of these respects. The several +antagonists who now endeavour to depreciate one another, and are +celebrated or traduced by different parties, will then have the same body +of admirers, and appear illustrious in the opinion of the whole British +nation. The deserving man, who can now recommend himself to the esteem +of but half his countrymen, will then receive the approbations and +applauses of a whole age. + +Among the several persons that flourish in this glorious reign, there is +no question but such a future historian, as the person of whom I am +speaking, will make mention of the men of genius and learning who have +now any figure in the British nation. For my own part, I often flatter +myself with the honourable mention which will then be made of me; and +have drawn up a paragraph in my own imagination, that I fancy will not be +altogether unlike what will be found in some page or other of this +imaginary historian. + +It was under this reign, says he, that the _Spectator_ published those +little diurnal essays which are still extant. We know very little of the +name or person of this author, except only that he was a man of a very +short face, extremely addicted to silence, and so great a lover of +knowledge, that he made a voyage to Grand Cairo for no other reason but +to take the measure of a pyramid. His chief friend was one Sir Roger De +Coverley, a whimsical country knight, and a Templar, whose name he has +not transmitted to us. He lived as a lodger at the house of a +widow-woman, and was a great humorist in all parts of his life. This is +all we can affirm with any certainty of his person and character. As for +his speculations, notwithstanding the several obsolete words and obscure +phrases of the age in which he lived, we still understand enough of them +to see the diversions and characters of the English nation in his time: +not but that we are to make allowance for the mirth and humour of the +author, who has doubtless strained many representations of things beyond +the truth. For if we interpret his words in their literal meaning, we +must suppose that women of the first quality used to pass away whole +mornings at a puppet-show; that they attested their principles by their +patches; that an audience would sit out an evening to hear a dramatical +performance written in a language which they did not understand; that +chairs and flower-pots were introduced as actors upon the British stage; +that a promiscuous assembly of men and women were allowed to meet at +midnight in masks within the verge of the Court; with many +improbabilities of the like nature. We must therefore, in these and the +like cases, suppose that these remote hints and allusions aimed at some +certain follies which were then in vogue, and which at present we have +not any notion of. We may guess by several passages in the speculations, +that there were writers who endeavoured to detract from the works of this +author; but as nothing of this nature is come down to us, we cannot guess +at any objections that could be made to his paper. If we consider his +style with that indulgence which we must show to old English writers, or +if we look into the variety of his subjects, with those several critical +dissertations, moral reflections, + +* * * * * + +The following part of the paragraph is so much to my advantage, and +beyond anything I can pretend to, that I hope my reader will excuse me +for not inserting it. + + + + +THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. + + + _Est brevitate opus_, _ut currat sententia_, + + HOR., _Sat._ i. 10, 9. + + Let brevity despatch the rapid thought. + +I have somewhere read of an eminent person who used in his private +offices of devotion to give thanks to Heaven that he was born a +Frenchman: for my own part I look upon it as a peculiar blessing that I +was born an Englishman. Among many other reasons, I think myself very +happy in my country, as the language of it is wonderfully adapted to a +man who is sparing of his words, and an enemy to loquacity. + +As I have frequently reflected on my good fortune in this particular, I +shall communicate to the public my speculations upon the English tongue, +not doubting but they will be acceptable to all my curious readers. + +The English delight in silence more than any other European nation, if +the remarks which are made on us by foreigners are true. Our discourse +is not kept up in conversation, but falls into more pauses and intervals +than in our neighbouring countries; as it is observed that the matter of +our writings is thrown much closer together, and lies in a narrower +compass, than is usual in the works of foreign authors; for, to favour +our natural taciturnity, when we are obliged to utter our thoughts we do +it in the shortest way we are able, and give as quick a birth to our +conceptions as possible. + +This humour shows itself in several remarks that we may make upon the +English language. As, first of all, by its abounding in monosyllables, +which gives us an opportunity of delivering our thoughts in few sounds. +This indeed takes off from the elegance of our tongue, but at the same +time expresses our ideas in the readiest manner, and consequently answers +the first design of speech better than the multitude of syllables which +make the words of other languages more tuneable and sonorous. The sounds +of our English words are commonly like those of string music, short and +transient, which rise and perish upon a single touch; those of other +languages are like the notes of wind instruments, sweet and swelling, and +lengthened out into variety of modulation. + +In the next place we may observe that, where the words are not +monosyllables, we often make them so, as much as lies in our power, by +our rapidity of pronunciation; as it generally happens in most of our +long words which are derived from the Latin, where we contract the length +of the syllables, that gives them a grave and solemn air in their own +language, to make them more proper for despatch, and more conformable to +the genius of our tongue. This we may find in a multitude of words, as +"liberty," "conspiracy," "theatre," "orator," &c. + +The same natural aversion to loquacity has of late years made a very +considerable alteration in our language, by closing in one syllable the +termination of our preterperfect tense, as in the words "drown'd," +"walk'd," "arriv'd," for "drowned," "walked," "arrived," which has very +much disfigured the tongue, and turned a tenth part of our smoothest +words into so many clusters of consonants. This is the more remarkable +because the want of vowels in our language has been the general complaint +of our politest authors, who nevertheless are the men that have made +these retrenchments, and consequently very much increased our former +scarcity. + +This reflection on the words that end in "ed" I have heard in +conversation from one of the greatest geniuses this age has produced. I +think we may add to the foregoing observation, the change which has +happened in our language by the abbreviation of several words that are +terminated in "eth," by substituting an "s" in the room of the last +syllable, as in "drowns," "walks," "arrives," and innumerable other +words, which in the pronunciation of our forefathers were "drowneth," +"walketh," "arriveth." This has wonderfully multiplied a letter which +was before too frequent in the English tongue, and added to that hissing +in our language which is taken so much notice of by foreigners, but at +the same time humours our taciturnity, and eases us of many superfluous +syllables. + +I might here observe that the same single letter on many occasions does +the office of a whole word, and represents the "his" and "her" of our +forefathers. There is no doubt but the ear of a foreigner, which is the +best judge in this case, would very much disapprove of such innovations, +which indeed we do ourselves in some measure, by retaining the old +termination in writing, and in all the solemn offices of our religion. + +As, in the instances I have given, we have epitomised many of our +particular words to the detriment of our tongue, so on other occasions we +have drawn two words into one, which has likewise very much untuned our +language, and clogged it with consonants, as "mayn't," "can't," "shan't," +"won't," and the like, for "may not," "can not," "shall not," "will not," +&c. + +It is perhaps this humour of speaking no more than we needs must which +has so miserably curtailed some of our words, that in familiar writings +and conversations they often lose all but their first syllables, as in +"mob.," "rep.," "pos.," "incog.," and the like; and as all ridiculous +words make their first entry into a language by familiar phrases, I dare +not answer for these that they will not in time be looked upon as a part +of our tongue. We see some of our poets have been so indiscreet as to +imitate Hudibras's doggrel expressions in their serious compositions, by +throwing out the signs of our substantives which are essential to the +English language. Nay, this humour of shortening our language had once +run so far, that some of our celebrated authors, among whom we may reckon +Sir Roger L'Estrange in particular, began to prune their words of all +superfluous letters, as they termed them, in order to adjust the spelling +to the pronunciation; which would have confounded all our etymologies, +and have quite destroyed our tongue. + +We may here likewise observe that our proper names, when familiarised in +English, generally dwindle to monosyllables, whereas in other modern +languages they receive a softer turn on this occasion, by the addition of +a new syllable.--Nick, in Italian, is Nicolini; Jack, in French, Janot; +and so of the rest. + +There is another particular in our language which is a great instance of +our frugality in words, and that is the suppressing of several particles +which must be produced in other tongues to make a sentence intelligible. +This often perplexes the best writers, when they find the relatives +"whom," "which," or "they," at their mercy, whether they may have +admission or not; and will never be decided till we have something like +an academy, that by the best authorities, and rules drawn from the +analogy of languages, shall settle all controversies between grammar and +idiom. + +I have only considered our language as it shows the genius and natural +temper of the English, which is modest, thoughtful, and sincere, and +which, perhaps, may recommend the people, though it has spoiled the +tongue. We might, perhaps, carry the same thought into other languages, +and deduce a great part of what is peculiar to them from the genius of +the people who speak them. It is certain the light talkative humour of +the French has not a little infected their tongue, which might be shown +by many instances; as the genius of the Italians, which is so much +addicted to music and ceremony, has moulded all their words and phrases +to those particular uses. The stateliness and gravity of the Spaniards +shows itself to perfection in the solemnity of their language; and the +blunt, honest humour of the Germans sounds better in the roughness of the +High-Dutch than it would in a politer tongue. + + + + +THE VISION OF MIRZA. + + + --_Omnem_, _quae nunc obducta tuenti_ + _Mortales hebetat visus tibi_, _et humida circum_ + _Caligat_, _nubem eripiam_. + + VIRG., _AEn._ ii. 604. + + The cloud, which, intercepting the clear light, + Hangs o'er thy eyes, and blunts thy mortal sight, + I will remove. + +When I was at Grand Cairo, I picked up several Oriental manuscripts, +which I have still by me. Among others I met with one entitled "The +Visions of Mirza," which I have read over with great pleasure. I intend +to give it to the public when I have no other entertainment for them; and +shall begin with the first vision, which I have translated word for word +as follows: + +"On the fifth day of the moon, which, according to the custom of my +forefathers, I always keep holy, after having washed myself, and offered +up my morning devotions, I ascended the high hills of Bagdad, in order to +pass the rest of the day in meditation and prayer. As I was here airing +myself on the tops of the mountains, I fell into a profound contemplation +on the vanity of human life; and passing from one thought to another, +'Surely,' said I, 'man is but a shadow, and life a dream.' Whilst I was +thus musing, I cast my eyes towards the summit of a rock that was not far +from me, where I discovered one in the habit of a shepherd, with a +musical instrument in his hand. As I looked upon him he applied it to +his lips, and began to play upon it. The sound of it was exceeding +sweet, and wrought into a variety of tunes that were inexpressibly +melodious, and altogether different from anything I had ever heard. They +put me in mind of those heavenly airs that are played to the departed +souls of good men upon their first arrival in Paradise, to wear out the +impressions of their last agonies, and qualify them for the pleasures of +that happy place. My heart melted away in secret raptures. + +"I had been often told that the rock before me was the haunt of a genius, +and that several had been entertained with music who had passed by it, +but never heard that the musician had before made himself visible. When +he had raised my thoughts by those transporting airs which he played, to +taste the pleasures of his conversation, as I looked upon him like one +astonished, he beckoned to me, and, by the waving of his hand, directed +me to approach the place where he sat. I drew near with that reverence +which is due to a superior nature; and, as my heart was entirely subdued +by the captivating strains I had heard, I fell down at his feet and wept. +The genius smiled upon me with a look of compassion and affability that +familiarised him to my imagination, and at once dispelled all the fears +and apprehensions with which I approached him. He lifted me from the +ground, and, taking me by the hand, 'Mirza,' said he, 'I have heard thee +in thy soliloquies; follow me.' + +"He then led me to the highest pinnacle of the rock, and placing me on +the top of it, 'Cast thy eyes eastward,' said he, 'and tell me what thou +seest.' 'I see,' said I, 'a huge valley, and a prodigious tide of water +rolling through it.' 'The valley that thou seest,' said he, 'is the Vale +of Misery, and the tide of water that thou seest is part of the great +tide of Eternity.' 'What is the reason,' said I, 'that the tide I see +rises out of a thick mist at one end, and again loses itself in a thick +mist at the other?' 'What thou seest,' said he, 'is that portion of +Eternity which is called Time, measured out by the sun, and reaching from +the beginning of the world to its consummation. Examine now,' said he, +'this sea that is bounded with darkness at both ends, and tell me what +thou discoverest in it.' 'I see a bridge,' said I, 'standing in the +midst of the tide.' 'The bridge thou seest,' said he, 'is Human Life; +consider it attentively.' Upon a more leisurely survey of it, I found +that it consisted of threescore and ten entire arches, with several +broken arches, which, added to those that were entire, made up the number +about a hundred. As I was counting the arches, the genius told me that +this bridge consisted at first of a thousand arches; but that a great +flood swept away the rest, and left the bridge in the ruinous condition I +now beheld it. 'But tell me further,' said he, 'what thou discoverest on +it.' 'I see multitudes of people passing over it,' said I, 'and a black +cloud hanging on each end of it.' As I looked more attentively, I saw +several of the passengers dropping through the bridge into the great tide +that flowed underneath it; and, upon further examination, perceived there +were innumerable trap-doors that lay concealed in the bridge, which the +passengers no sooner trod upon but they fell through them into the tide, +and immediately disappeared. These hidden pit-falls were set very thick +at the entrance of the bridge, so that throngs of people no sooner broke +through the cloud but many of them fell into them. They grew thinner +towards the middle, but multiplied and lay closer together towards the +end of the arches that were entire. + +"There were indeed some persons, but their number was very small, that +continued a kind of hobbling march on the broken arches, but fell through +one after another, being quite tired and spent with so long a walk. + +"I passed some time in the contemplation of this wonderful structure, and +the great variety of objects which it presented. My heart was filled +with a deep melancholy to see several dropping unexpectedly in the midst +of mirth and jollity, and catching at everything that stood by them to +save themselves. Some were looking up towards the heavens in a +thoughtful posture, and in the midst of a speculation stumbled and fell +out of sight. Multitudes were very busy in the pursuit of bubbles that +glittered in their eyes and danced before them; but often when they +thought themselves within the reach of them, their footing failed and +down they sunk. In this confusion of objects, I observed some with +scimitars in their hands, who ran to and fro from the bridge, thrusting +several persons on trapdoors which did not seem to lie in their way, and +which they might have escaped had they not been thus forced upon them. + +"The genius, seeing me indulge myself on this melancholy prospect, told +me I had dwelt long enough upon it. 'Take thine eyes off the bridge,' +said he, 'and tell me if thou yet seest anything thou dost not +comprehend.' Upon looking up, 'What mean,' said I, 'those great flights +of birds that are perpetually hovering about the bridge, and settling +upon it from time to time? I see vultures, harpies, ravens, cormorants, +and among many other feathered creatures, several little winged boys, +that perch in great numbers upon the middle arches.' 'These,' said the +genius, 'are Envy, Avarice, Superstition, Despair, Love, with the like +cares and passions that infest human life.' + +"I here fetched a deep sigh. 'Alas,' said I, 'man was made in vain! how +is he given away to misery and mortality! tortured in life, and swallowed +up in death!' The genius, being moved with compassion towards me, bade +me quit so uncomfortable a prospect. 'Look no more,' said he, 'on man in +the first stage of his existence, in his setting out for Eternity; but +cast thine eye on that thick mist into which the tide bears the several +generations of mortals that fall into it.' I directed my sight as I was +ordered, and, whether or no the good genius strengthened it with any +supernatural force, or dissipated part of the mist that was before too +thick for the eye to penetrate, I saw the valley opening at the further +end, and spreading forth into an immense ocean, that had a huge rock of +adamant running through the midst of it, and dividing it into two equal +parts. The clouds still rested on one half of it, insomuch that I could +discover nothing in it; but the other appeared to me a vast ocean planted +with innumerable islands, that were covered with fruits and flowers, and +interwoven with a thousand little shining seas that ran among them. I +could see persons dressed in glorious habits, with garlands upon their +heads, passing among the trees, lying down by the sides of fountains, or +resting on beds of flowers; and could hear a confused harmony of singing +birds, falling waters, human voices, and musical instruments. Gladness +grew in me upon the discovery of so delightful a scene. I wished for the +wings of an eagle, that I might fly away to those happy seats; but the +genius told me there was no passage to them, except through the gates of +death that I saw opening every moment upon the bridge. 'The islands,' +said he, 'that lie so fresh and green before thee, amid with which the +whole face of the ocean appears spotted as far as thou canst see, are +more in number than the sands on the sea-shore: there are myriads of +islands behind those which thou here discoverest, reaching further than +thine eye, or even thine imagination can extend itself. These are the +mansions of good men after death, who, according to the degree and kinds +of virtue in which they excelled, are distributed among those several +islands, which abound with pleasures of different kinds and degrees, +suitable to the relishes and perfections of those who are settled in +them: every island is a paradise accommodated to its respective +inhabitants. Are not these, O Mirza, habitations worth contending for? +Does life appear miserable that gives thee opportunities of earning such +a reward? Is death to be feared that will convey thee to so happy an +existence? Think not man was made in vain, who has such an Eternity +reserved for him.' I gazed with inexpressible pleasure on these happy +islands. At length, said I, 'Show me now, I beseech thee, the secrets +that lie hid under those dark clouds which cover the ocean on the other +side of the rock of adamant.' The genius making me no answer, I turned +about to address myself to him a second time, but I found that he had +left me; I then turned again to the vision which I had been so long +contemplating: but instead of the rolling tide, the arched bridge, and +the happy islands, I saw nothing but the long hollow valley of Bagdad, +with oxen, sheep, and camels grazing upon the sides of it." + + + + +GENIUS. + + + --_Cui mens divinior_, _atque os_ + _Magna sonaturum des nominis hujus honorem_. + + HOR., _Sat._ i. 4, 43. + + On him confer the poet's sacred name, + Whose lofty voice declares the heavenly flame. + +There is no character more frequently given to a writer than that of +being a genius. I have heard many a little sonneteer called a fine +genius. There is not a heroic scribbler in the nation that has not his +admirers who think him a great genius; and as for your smatterers in +tragedy, there is scarce a man among them who is not cried up by one or +other for a prodigious genius. + +My design in this paper is to consider what is properly a great genius, +and to throw some thoughts together on so uncommon a subject. + +Among great geniuses those few draw the admiration of all the world upon +them, and stand up as the prodigies of mankind, who, by the mere strength +of natural parts, and without any assistance of art or learning, have +produced works that were the delight of their own times and the wonder of +posterity. There appears something nobly wild and extravagant in these +great natural geniuses, that is infinitely more beautiful than all turn +and polishing of what the French call a _bel esprit_, by which they would +express a genius refined by conversation, reflection, and the reading of +the most polite authors. The greatest genius which runs through the arts +and sciences takes a kind of tincture from them and falls unavoidably +into imitation. + +Many of these great natural geniuses, that were never disciplined and +broken by rules of art, are to be found among the ancients, and in +particular among those of the more Eastern parts of the world. Homer has +innumerable flights that Virgil was not able to reach, and in the Old +Testament we find several passages more elevated and sublime than any in +Homer. At the same time that we allow a greater and more daring genius +to the ancients, we must own that the greatest of them very much failed +in, or, if you will, that they were much above the nicety and correctness +of the moderns. In their similitudes and allusions, provided there was a +likeness, they did not much trouble themselves about the decency of the +comparison: thus Solomon resembles the nose of his beloved to the tower +of Lebanon which looketh towards Damascus, as the coming of a thief in +the night is a similitude of the same kind in the New Testament. It +would be endless to make collections of this nature. Homer illustrates +one of his heroes encompassed with the enemy, by an ass in a field of +corn that has his sides belaboured by all the boys of the village without +stirring a foot for it; and another of them tossing to and fro in his +bed, and burning with resentment, to a piece of flesh broiled on the +coals. This particular failure in the ancients opens a large field of +raillery to the little wits, who can laugh at an indecency, but not +relish the sublime in these sorts of writings. The present Emperor of +Persia, conformable to this Eastern way of thinking, amidst a great many +pompous titles, denominates himself "the sun of glory" and "the nutmeg of +delight." In short, to cut off all cavilling against the ancients, and +particularly those of the warmer climates, who had most heat and life in +their imaginations, we are to consider that the rule of observing what +the French call the _bienseance_ in an allusion has been found out of +later years, and in the colder regions of the world, where we could make +some amends for our want of force and spirit by a scrupulous nicety and +exactness in our compositions. Our countryman Shakespeare was a +remarkable instance of this first kind of great geniuses. + +I cannot quit this head without observing that Pindar was a great genius +of the first class, who was hurried on by a natural fire and impetuosity +to vast conceptions of things and noble sallies of imagination. At the +same time can anything be more ridiculous than for men of a sober and +moderate fancy to imitate this poet's way of writing in those monstrous +compositions which go among us under the name of Pindarics? When I see +people copying works which, as Horace has represented them, are singular +in their kind, and inimitable; when I see men following irregularities by +rule, and by the little tricks of art straining after the most unbounded +flights of nature, I cannot but apply to them that passage in Terence: + + --_Incerta haec si tu postules_ + _Ratione certa facere_, _nihilo plus agas_ + _Quam si des operam_, _ut cum ratione insanias_. + + _Eun._, Act I., Sc. 1, I. 16. + +You may as well pretend to be mad and in your senses at the same time, as +to think of reducing these uncertain things to any certainty by reason. + +In short, a modern Pindaric writer compared with Pindar is like a sister +among the Camisars compared with Virgil's Sibyl; there is the distortion, +grimace, and outward figure, but nothing of that divine impulse which +raises the mind above itself, and makes the sounds more than human. + +There is another kind of great geniuses which I shall place in a second +class, not as I think them inferior to the first, but only for +distinction's sake, as they are of a different kind. This second class +of great geniuses are those that have formed themselves by rules, and +submitted the greatness of their natural talents to the corrections and +restraints of art. Such among the Greeks were Plato and Aristotle; among +the Romans, Virgil and Tully; among the English, Milton and Sir Francis +Bacon. + +The genius in both these classes of authors may be equally great, but +shows itself after a different manner. In the first it is like a rich +soil in a happy climate, that produces a whole wilderness of noble plants +rising in a thousand beautiful landscapes without any certain order or +regularity; in the other it is the same rich soil, under the same happy +climate, that has been laid out in walks and parterres, and cut into +shape and beauty by the skill of the gardener. + +The great danger in these latter kind of geniuses is lest they cramp +their own abilities too much by imitation, and form themselves altogether +upon models, without giving the full play to their own natural parts. An +imitation of the best authors is not to compare with a good original; and +I believe we may observe that very few writers make an extraordinary +figure in the world who have not something in their way of thinking or +expressing themselves, that is peculiar to them, and entirely their own. + +It is odd to consider what great geniuses are sometimes thrown away upon +trifles. + +"I once saw a shepherd," says a famous Italian author, "who used to +divert himself in his solitudes with tossing up eggs and catching them +again without breaking them; in which he had arrived to so great a degree +of perfection that he would keep up four at a time for several minutes +together playing in the air, and falling into his hand by turns. I +think," says the author, "I never saw a greater severity than in this +man's face, for by his wonderful perseverance and application he had +contracted the seriousness and gravity of a privy councillor, and I could +not but reflect with myself that the same assiduity and attention, had +they been rightly applied, 'might' have made a greater mathematician than +Archimedes." + + + + +THEODOSIUS AND CONSTANTIA. + + + _Illa_; _Quis et me_, _inquit_, _miseram et te perdidit_, _Orpheu_?-- + _Jamque vale_: _feror ingenti circumdata nocte_, + _Invalidasque tibi tendens_, _heu_! _non tua_, _palmas_. + + VIRG., _Georg._, iv. 494. + + Then thus the bride: "What fury seiz'd on thee, + Unhappy man! to lose thyself and me?-- + And now farewell! involv'd in shades of night, + For ever I am ravish'd from thy sight: + In vain I reach my feeble hands, to join + In sweet embraces--ah! no longer thine!" + + DRYDEN. + +Constantia was a woman of extraordinary wit and beauty, but very unhappy +in a father who, having arrived at great riches by his own industry, took +delight in nothing but his money. Theodosius was the younger son of a +decayed family, of great parts and learning, improved by a genteel and +virtuous education. When he was in the twentieth year of his age he +became acquainted with Constantia, who had not then passed her fifteenth. +As he lived but a few miles distant from her father's house, he had +frequent opportunities of seeing her; and, by the advantages of a good +person and a pleasing conversation, made such an impression in her heart +as it was impossible for time to efface. He was himself no less smitten +with Constantia. A long acquaintance made them still discover new +beauties in each other, and by degrees raised in them that mutual passion +which had an influence on their following lives. It unfortunately +happened that, in the midst of this intercourse of love and friendship +between Theodosius and Constantia, there broke out an irreparable quarrel +between their parents; the one valuing himself too much upon his birth, +and the other upon his possessions. The father of Constantia was so +incensed at the father of Theodosius, that he contracted an unreasonable +aversion towards his son, insomuch that he forbade him his house, and +charged his daughter upon her duty never to see him more. In the +meantime, to break off all communication between the two lovers, who he +knew entertained secret hopes of some favourable opportunity that should +bring them together, he found out a young gentleman of a good fortune and +an agreeable person, whom he pitched upon as a husband for his daughter. +He soon concerted this affair so well, that he told Constantia it was his +design to marry her to such a gentleman, and that her wedding should be +celebrated on such a day. Constantia, who was overawed with the +authority of her father, and unable to object anything against so +advantageous a match, received the proposal with a profound silence, +which her father commended in her, as the most decent manner of a +virgin's giving her consent to an overture of that kind. The noise of +this intended marriage soon reached Theodosius, who, after a long tumult +of passions which naturally rise in a lover's heart on such an occasion, +wrote the following letter to Constantia:-- + + "The thought of my Constantia, which for some years has been my only + happiness, is now become a greater torment to me than I am able to + bear. Must I then live to see you another's? The streams, the + fields, and meadows, where we have so often talked together, grow + painful to me; life itself is become a burden. May you long be happy + in the world, but forget that there was ever such a man in it as + + "THEODOSIUS." + +This letter was conveyed to Constantia that very evening, who fainted at +the reading of it; and the next morning she was much more alarmed by two +or three messengers that came to her father's house, one after another, +to inquire if they had heard anything of Theodosius, who, it seems, had +left his chamber about midnight, and could nowhere be found. The deep +melancholy which had hung upon his mind some time before made them +apprehend the worst that could befall him. Constantia, who knew that +nothing but the report of her marriage could have driven him to such +extremities, was not to be comforted. She now accused herself for having +so tamely given an ear to the proposal of a husband, and looked upon the +new lover as the murderer of Theodosius. In short, she resolved to +suffer the utmost effects of her father's displeasure rather than comply +with a marriage which appeared to her so full of guilt and horror. The +father, seeing himself entirely rid of Theodosius, and likely to keep a +considerable portion in his family, was not very much concerned at the +obstinate refusal of his daughter, and did not find it very difficult to +excuse himself upon that account to his intended son-in-law, who had all +along regarded this alliance rather as a marriage of convenience than of +love. Constantia had now no relief but in her devotions and exercises of +religion, to which her affections had so entirely subjected her mind, +that after some years had abated the violence of her sorrows, and settled +her thoughts in a kind of tranquillity, she resolved to pass the +remainder of her days in a convent. Her father was not displeased with a +resolution which would save money in his family, and readily complied +with his daughter's intentions. Accordingly, in the twenty-fifth year of +her age, while her beauty was yet in all its height and bloom, he carried +her to a neighbouring city, in order to look out a sisterhood of nuns +among whom to place his daughter. There was in this place a father of a +convent who was very much renowned for his piety and exemplary life: and +as it is usual in the Romish Church for those who are under any great +affliction, or trouble of mind, to apply themselves to the most eminent +confessors for pardon and consolation, our beautiful votary took the +opportunity of confessing herself to this celebrated father. + +We must now return to Theodosius, who, the very morning that the above- +mentioned inquiries had been made after him, arrived at a religious house +in the city where now Constantia resided; and desiring that secrecy and +concealment of the fathers of the convent, which is very usual upon any +extraordinary occasion, he made himself one of the order, with a private +vow never to inquire after Constantia; whom he looked upon as given away +to his rival upon the day on which, according to common fame, their +marriage was to have been solemnised. Having in his youth made a good +progress in learning, that he might dedicate himself more entirely to +religion, he entered into holy orders, and in a few years became renowned +for his sanctity of life, and those pious sentiments which he inspired +into all who conversed with him. It was this holy man to whom Constantia +had determined to apply herself in confession, though neither she nor any +other, besides the prior of the convent, knew anything of his name or +family. The gay, the amiable Theodosius had now taken upon him the name +of Father Francis, and was so far concealed in a long beard, a shaven +head, and a religious habit, that it was impossible to discover the man +of the world in the venerable conventual. + +As he was one morning shut up in his confessional, Constantia kneeling by +him opened the state of her soul to him; and after having given him the +history of a life full of innocence, she burst out into tears, and +entered upon that part of her story in which he himself had so great a +share. "My behaviour," says she, "has, I fear, been the death of a man +who had no other fault but that of loving me too much. Heaven only knows +how dear he was to me whilst he lived, and how bitter the remembrance of +him has been to me since his death." She here paused, and lifted up her +eyes that streamed with tears towards the father, who was so moved with +the sense of her sorrows that he could only command his voice, which was +broken with sighs and sobbings, so far as to bid her proceed. She +followed his directions, and in a flood of tears poured out her heart +before him. The father could not forbear weeping aloud, insomuch that, +in the agonies of his grief, the seat shook under him. Constantia, who +thought the good man was thus moved by his compassion towards her, and by +the horror of her guilt, proceeded with the utmost contrition to acquaint +him with that vow of virginity in which she was going to engage herself, +as the proper atonement for her sins, and the only sacrifice she could +make to the memory of Theodosius. The father, who by this time had +pretty well composed himself, burst out again in tears upon hearing that +name to which he had been so long disused, and upon receiving this +instance of an unparalleled fidelity from one who he thought had several +years since given herself up to the possession of another. Amidst the +interruptions of his sorrow, seeing his penitent overwhelmed with grief, +he was only able to bid her from time to time be comforted--to tell her +that her sins were forgiven her--that her guilt was not so great as she +apprehended--that she should not suffer herself to be afflicted above +measure. After which he recovered himself enough to give her the +absolution in form: directing her at the same time to repair to him again +the next day, that he might encourage her in the pious resolution she had +taken, and give her suitable exhortations for her behaviour in it. +Constantia retired, and the next morning renewed her applications. +Theodosius, having manned his soul with proper thoughts and reflections, +exerted himself on this occasion in the best manner he could to animate +his penitent in the course of life she was entering upon, and wear out of +her mind those groundless fears and apprehensions which had taken +possession of it; concluding with a promise to her, that he would from +time to time continue his admonitions when she should have taken upon her +the holy veil. "The rules of our respective orders," says he, "will not +permit that I should see you; but you may assure yourself not only of +having a place in my prayers, but of receiving such frequent instructions +as I can convey to you by letters. Go on cheerfully in the glorious +course you have undertaken, and you will quickly find such a peace and +satisfaction in your mind which it is not in the power of the world to +give." + +Constantia's heart was so elevated within the discourse of Father +Francis, that the very next day she entered upon her vow. As soon as the +solemnities of her reception were over, she retired, as it is usual, with +the abbess into her own apartment. + +The abbess had been informed the night before of all that had passed +between her novitiate and father Francis: from whom she now delivered to +her the following letter:-- + + "As the first-fruits of those joys and consolations which you may + expect from the life you are now engaged in, I must acquaint you that + Theodosius, whose death sits so heavy upon your thoughts, is still + alive; and that the father to whom you have confessed yourself was + once that Theodosius whom you so much lament. The love which we have + had for one another will make us more happy in its disappointment than + it could have done in its success. Providence has disposed of us for + our advantage, though not according to our wishes. Consider your + Theodosius still as dead, but assure yourself of one who will not + cease to pray for you in father + + "FRANCIS." + +Constantia saw that the handwriting agreed with the contents of the +letter; and, upon reflecting on the voice of the person, the behaviour, +and above all the extreme sorrow of the father during her confession, she +discovered Theodosius in every particular. After having wept with tears +of joy, "It is enough," says she; "Theodosius is still in being: I shall +live with comfort and die in peace." + +The letters which the father sent her afterwards are yet extant in the +nunnery where she resided; and are often read to the young religious, in +order to inspire them with good resolutions and sentiments of virtue. It +so happened that after Constantia had lived about ten years in the +cloister, a violent fever broke out in the place, which swept away great +multitudes, and among others Theodosius. Upon his death-bed he sent his +benediction in a very moving manner to Constantia, who at that time was +herself so far gone in the same fatal distemper that she lay delirious. +Upon the interval which generally precedes death in sickness of this +nature, the abbess, finding that the physicians had given her over, told +her that Theodosius had just gone before her, and that he had sent her +his benediction in his last moments. Constantia received it with +pleasure. "And now," says she, "if I do not ask anything improper, let +me be buried by Theodosius. My vow reaches no further than the grave; +what I ask is, I hope, no violation of it." She died soon after, and was +interred according to her request. + +The tombs are still to be seen, with a short Latin inscription over them +to the following purpose:-- + + "Here lie the bodies of Father Francis and Sister Constance. They + were lovely in their lives, and in their death they were not divided." + + + + +GOOD NATURE. + + +Part One. + + + _Sic vita erat_: _facile omnes perferre ac pati_: + _Cum quibus erat cunque una_, _his sese dedere_, + _Eorum obsequi studiis_: _advorsus nemini_; + _Nunquam praeponens se aliis_. _Ita facillime_ + _Sine invidia invenias laudem_.-- + + TER., _Andr._, Act i. _se._ 1. + + His manner of life was this: to bear with everybody's humours; to + comply with the inclinations and pursuits of those he conversed with; + to contradict nobody; never to assume a superiority over others. This + is the ready way to gain applause without exciting envy. + +Man is subject to innumerable pains and sorrows by the very condition of +humanity, and yet, as if Nature had not sown evils enough in life, we are +continually adding grief to grief, and aggravating the common calamity by +our cruel treatment of one another. Every man's natural weight of +affliction is still made more heavy by the envy, malice, treachery, or +injustice of his neighbour. At the same time that the storm beats on the +whole species, we are falling foul upon one another. + +Half the misery of human life might be extinguished, would men alleviate +the general curse they lie under, by mutual offices of compassion, +benevolence, and humanity. There is nothing, therefore, which we ought +more to encourage in ourselves and others, than that disposition of mind +which in our language goes under the title of good nature, and which I +shall choose for the subject of this day's speculation. + +Good-nature is more agreeable in conversation than wit, and gives a +certain air to the countenance which is more amiable than beauty. It +shows virtue in the fairest light, takes off in some measure from the +deformity of vice, and makes even folly and impertinence supportable. + +There is no society or conversation to be kept up in the world without +good nature, or something which must bear its appearance, and supply its +place. For this reason, mankind have been forced to invent a kind of +artificial humanity, which is what we express by the word good-breeding. +For if we examine thoroughly the idea of what we call so, we shall find +it to be nothing else but an imitation and mimicry of good nature, or, in +other terms, affability, complaisance, and easiness of temper, reduced +into an art. These exterior shows and appearances of humanity render a +man wonderfully popular and beloved, when they are founded upon a real +good nature; but, without it, are like hypocrisy in religion, or a bare +form of holiness, which, when it is discovered, makes a man more +detestable than professed impiety. + +Good-nature is generally born with us: health, prosperity, and kind +treatment from the world, are great cherishers of it where they find it; +but nothing is capable of forcing it up, where it does not grow of +itself. It is one of the blessings of a happy constitution, which +education may improve, but not produce. + +Xenophon, in the life of his imaginary prince whom he describes as a +pattern for real ones, is always celebrating the philanthropy and good +nature of his hero, which he tells us he brought into the world with him; +and gives many remarkable instances of it in his childhood, as well as in +all the several parts of his life. Nay, on his death-bed, he describes +him as being pleased, that while his soul returned to Him who made it, +his body should incorporate with the great mother of all things, and by +that means become beneficial to mankind. For which reason, he gives his +sons a positive order not to enshrine it in gold or silver, but to lay it +in the earth as soon as the life was gone out of it. + +An instance of such an overflowing of humanity, such an exuberant love to +mankind, could not have entered into the imagination of a writer who had +not a soul filled with great ideas, and a general benevolence to mankind. + +In that celebrated passage of Sallust, where Caesar and Cato are placed +in such beautiful but opposite lights, Caesar's character is chiefly made +up of good nature, as it showed itself in all its forms towards his +friends or his enemies, his servants or dependents, the guilty or the +distressed. As for Cato's character, it is rather awful than amiable. +Justice seems most agreeable to the nature of God, and mercy to that of +man. A Being who has nothing to pardon in Himself, may reward every man +according to his works; but he whose very best actions must be seen with +grains of allowance, cannot be too mild, moderate, and forgiving. For +this reason, among all the monstrous characters in human nature, there is +none so odious, nor indeed so exquisitely ridiculous, as that of a rigid, +severe temper in a worthless man. + +This part of good nature however, which consists in the pardoning and +overlooking of faults, is to be exercised only in doing ourselves +justice, and that too in the ordinary commerce and occurrences of life; +for, in the public administrations of justice, mercy to one may be +cruelty to others. + +It is grown almost into a maxim, that good-natured men are not always men +of the most wit. This observation, in my opinion, has no foundation in +nature. The greatest wits I have conversed with are men eminent for +their humanity. I take, therefore, this remark to have been occasioned +by two reasons. First, because ill-nature among ordinary observers +passes for wit. A spiteful saying gratifies so many little passions in +those who hear it, that it generally meets with a good reception. The +laugh rises upon it, and the man who utters it is looked upon as a shrewd +satirist. This may be one reason why a great many pleasant companions +appear so surprisingly dull when they have endeavoured to be merry in +print; the public being more just than private clubs or assemblies, in +distinguishing between what is wit and what is ill-nature. + +Another reason why the good-natured man may sometimes bring his wit in +question is perhaps because he is apt to be moved with compassion for +those misfortunes or infirmities which another would turn into ridicule, +and by that means gain the reputation of a wit. The ill-natured man, +though but of equal parts, gives himself a larger field to expatiate in; +he exposes those failings in human nature which the other would cast a +veil over, laughs at vices which the other either excuses or conceals, +gives utterance to reflections which the other stifles, falls +indifferently upon friends or enemies, exposes the person who has obliged +him, and, in short, sticks at nothing that may establish his character as +a wit. It is no wonder, therefore, he succeeds in it better than the man +of humanity, as a person who makes use of indirect methods is more likely +to grow rich than the fair trader. + + + +Part Two. + + + --_Quis enim bonus_, _aut face dignus_ + _Arcana_, _qualem Cereris vult esse sacerdos_, + _Ulla aliena sibi credat mala_?-- + + JUV., _Sat._ xv. 140. + + Who can all sense of others' ills escape, + Is but a brute, at best, in human shape. + + TATE. + +In one of my last week's papers, I treated of good-nature as it is the +effect of constitution; I shall now speak of it as it is a moral virtue. +The first may make a man easy in himself and agreeable to others, but +implies no merit in him that is possessed of it. A man is no more to be +praised upon this account, than because he has a regular pulse or a good +digestion. This good nature, however, in the constitution, which Mr. +Dryden somewhere calls "a milkiness of blood," is an admirable groundwork +for the other. In order, therefore, to try our good-nature, whether it +arises from the body or the mind, whether it be founded in the animal or +rational part of our nature; in a word, whether it be such as is entitled +to any other reward besides that secret satisfaction and contentment of +mind which is essential to it, and the kind reception it procures us in +the world, we must examine it by the following rules: + +First, whether it acts with steadiness and uniformity in sickness and in +health, in prosperity and in adversity; if otherwise, it is to be looked +upon as nothing else but an irradiation of the mind from some new supply +of spirits, or a more kindly circulation of the blood. Sir Francis Bacon +mentions a cunning solicitor, who would never ask a favour of a great man +before dinner; but took care to prefer his petition at a time when the +party petitioned had his mind free from care, and his appetites in good +humour. Such a transient temporary good-nature as this, is not that +philanthropy, that love of mankind, which deserves the title of a moral +virtue. + +The next way of a man's bringing his good-nature to the test is to +consider whether it operates according to the rules of reason and duty: +for if, notwithstanding its general benevolence to mankind, it makes no +distinction between its objects; if it exerts itself promiscuously +towards the deserving and the undeserving; if it relieves alike the idle +and the indigent; if it gives itself up to the first petitioner, and +lights upon any one rather by accident than choice--it may pass for an +amiable instinct, but must not assume the name of a moral virtue. + +The third trial of good-nature will be the examining ourselves whether or +no we are able to exert it to our own disadvantage, and employ it on +proper objects, notwithstanding any little pain, want, or inconvenience, +which may arise to ourselves from it: in a word, whether we are willing +to risk any part of our fortune, our reputation, our health or ease, for +the benefit of mankind. Among all these expressions of good nature, I +shall single out that which goes under the general name of charity, as it +consists in relieving the indigent: that being a trial of this kind which +offers itself to us almost at all times and in every place. + +I should propose it as a rule, to every one who is provided with any +competency of fortune more than sufficient for the necessaries of life, +to lay aside a certain portion of his income for the use of the poor. +This I would look upon as an offering to Him who has a right to the +whole, for the use of those whom, in the passage hereafter mentioned, He +has described as His own representatives upon earth. At the same time, +we should manage our charity with such prudence and caution, that we may +not hurt our own friends or relations whilst we are doing good to those +who are strangers to us. + +This may possibly be explained better by an example than by a rule. + +Eugenius is a man of a universal good nature, and generous beyond the +extent of his fortune; but withal so prudent in the economy of his +affairs, that what goes out in charity is made up by good management. +Eugenius has what the world calls two hundred pounds a year; but never +values himself above nine-score, as not thinking he has a right to the +tenth part, which he always appropriates to charitable uses. To this sum +he frequently makes other voluntary additions, insomuch, that in a good +year--for such he accounts those in which he has been able to make +greater bounties than ordinary--he has given above twice that sum to the +sickly and indigent. Eugenius prescribes to himself many particular days +of fasting and abstinence, in order to increase his private bank of +charity, and sets aside what would be the current expenses of those times +for the use of the poor. He often goes afoot where his business calls +him, and at the end of his walk has given a shilling, which in his +ordinary methods of expense would have gone for coach-hire, to the first +necessitous person that has fallen in his way. I have known him, when he +has been going to a play or an opera, divert the money which was designed +for that purpose upon an object of charity whom he has met with in the +street; and afterwards pass his evening in a coffee-house, or at a +friend's fireside, with much greater satisfaction to himself than he +could have received from the most exquisite entertainments of the +theatre. By these means he is generous without impoverishing himself, +and enjoys his estate by making it the property of others. + +There are few men so cramped in their private affairs, who may not be +charitable after this manner, without any disadvantage to themselves, or +prejudice to their families. It is but sometimes sacrificing a diversion +or convenience to the poor, and turning the usual course of our expenses +into a better channel. This is, I think, not only the most prudent and +convenient, but the most meritorious piece of charity which we can put in +practice. By this method, we in some measure share the necessities of +the poor at the same time that we relieve them, and make ourselves not +only their patrons, but their fellow-sufferers. + +Sir Thomas Brown, in the last part of his "Religio Medici," in which he +describes his charity in several heroic instances, and with a noble heat +of sentiments, mentions that verse in the Proverbs of Solomon: "He that +giveth to the poor lendeth to the Lord." There is more rhetoric in that +one sentence, says he, than in a library of sermons; and indeed, if those +sentences were understood by the reader with the same emphasis as they +are delivered by the author, we needed not those volumes of instructions, +but might be honest by an epitome. + +This passage of Scripture is, indeed, wonderfully persuasive; but I think +the same thought is carried much further in the New Testament, where our +Saviour tells us, in a most pathetic manner, that he shall hereafter +regard the clothing of the naked, the feeding of the hungry, and the +visiting of the imprisoned, as offices done to Himself, and reward them +accordingly. Pursuant to those passages in Holy Scripture, I have +somewhere met with the epitaph of a charitable man, which has very much +pleased me. I cannot recollect the words, but the sense of it is to this +purpose: What I spent I lost; what I possessed is left to others; what I +gave away remains with me. + +Since I am thus insensibly engaged in Sacred Writ, I cannot forbear +making an extract of several passages which I have always read with great +delight in the book of Job. It is the account which that holy man gives +of his behaviour in the days of his prosperity; and, if considered only +as a human composition, is a finer picture of a charitable and +good-natured man than is to be met with in any other author. + +"Oh that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me: +When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked +through darkness: When the Almighty was yet with me; when my children +were about me: When I washed my steps with butter, and the rock poured me +out rivers of oil. + +"When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it +gave witness to me. Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the +fatherless, and him that had none to help him. The blessing of him that +was ready to perish came upon me, and I caused the widow's heart to sing +for joy. I was eyes to the blind; and feet was I to the lame; I was a +father to the poor, and the cause which I knew not I searched out. Did +not I weep for him that was in trouble? Was not my soul grieved for the +poor? Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine +integrity. If I did despise the cause of my man-servant or of my maid- +servant when they contended with me: What then shall I do when God riseth +up? and when he visiteth, what shall I answer him? Did not he that made +me in the womb, make him? and did not one fashion us in the womb? If I +have withheld the poor from their desire, or have caused the eyes of the +widow to fail; Or have eaten my morsel myself alone, and the fatherless +hath not eaten thereof; If I have seen any perish for want of clothing, +or any poor without covering; If his loins have not blessed me, and if he +were not warmed with the fleece of my sheep; If I have lifted my hand +against the fatherless, when I saw my help in the gate: Then let mine arm +fall from my shoulder-blade, and mine arm be broken from the bone. If I +[have] rejoiced at the destruction of him that hated me, or lifted up +myself when evil found him: Neither have I suffered my mouth to sin, by +wishing a curse to his soul. The stranger did not lodge in the street; +but I opened my doors to the traveller. If my land cry against me, or +that the furrows likewise thereof complain: If I have eaten the fruits +thereof without money, or have caused the owners thereof to lose their +life: Let thistles grow instead of wheat, and cockle instead of barley." + + + + +A GRINNING MATCH. + + + --_Remove fera monstra_, _tuaeque_ + _Saxificos vultus_, _quaecunque ea_, _tolle Medusae_. + + OVID, _Met._ v. 216. + + Hence with those monstrous features, and, O! spare + That Gorgon's look, and petrifying stare. + + POPE. + +In a late paper, I mentioned the project of an ingenious author for the +erecting of several handicraft prizes to be contended for by our British +artisans, and the influence they might have towards the improvement of +our several manufactures. I have since that been very much surprised by +the following advertisement, which I find in the _Post-boy_ of the 11th +instant, and again repeated in the _Post-boy_ of the 15th:-- + + "On the 9th of October next will be run for upon Coleshill-heath, in + Warwickshire, a plate of six guineas value, three heats, by any horse, + mare, or gelding that hath not won above the value of 5 pounds, the + winning horse to be sold for 10 pounds, to carry 10 stone weight, if + 14 hands high; if above or under, to carry or be allowed weight for + inches, and to be entered Friday, the 5th, at the Swan in Coleshill, + before six in the evening. Also, a plate of less value to be run for + by asses. The same day a gold ring to be grinn'd for by men." + +The first of these diversions that is to be exhibited by the 10 pounds +race-horses, may probably have its use; but the two last, in which the +asses and men are concerned, seem to me altogether extraordinary and +unaccountable. Why they should keep running asses at Coleshill, or how +making mouths turns to account in Warwickshire, more than in any other +parts of England, I cannot comprehend. I have looked over all the +Olympic games, and do not find anything in them like an ass-race, or a +match at grinning. However it be, I am informed that several asses are +now kept in body-clothes, and sweated every morning upon the heath: and +that all the country-fellows within ten miles of the Swan grin an hour or +two in their glasses every morning, in order to qualify themselves for +the 9th of October. The prize which is proposed to be grinned for has +raised such an ambition among the common people of out-grinning one +another, that many very discerning persons are afraid it should spoil +most of the faces in the county; and that a Warwickshire man will be +known by his grin, as Roman Catholics imagine a Kentish man is by his +tail. The gold ring which is made the prize of deformity, is just the +reverse of the golden apple that was formerly made the prize of beauty, +and should carry for its poesy the old motto inverted: + + _Detur tetriori_. + +Or, to accommodate it to the capacity of the combatants, + + The frightfull'st grinner + Be the winner. + +In the meanwhile I would advise a Dutch painter to be present at this +great controversy of faces, in order to make a collection of the most +remarkable grins that shall be there exhibited. + +I must not here omit an account which I lately received of one of these +grinning matches from a gentleman, who, upon reading the above-mentioned +advertisement, entertained a coffee-house with the following +narrative:--Upon the taking of Namur, amidst other public rejoicings made +on that occasion, there was a gold ring given by a Whig justice of peace +to be grinned for. The first competitor that entered the lists was a +black, swarthy Frenchman, who accidentally passed that way, and being a +man naturally of a withered look and hard features, promised himself good +success. He was placed upon a table in the great point of view, and, +looking upon the company like Milton's Death, + + Grinned horribly a ghastly smile. + +His muscles were so drawn together on each side of his face that he +showed twenty teeth at a grin, and put the country in some pain lest a +foreigner should carry away the honour of the day; but upon a further +trial they found he was master only of the merry grin. + +The next that mounted the table was a malcontent in those days, and a +great master in the whole art of grinning, but particularly excelled in +the angry grin. He did his part so well that he is said to have made +half a dozen women miscarry; but the justice being apprised by one who +stood near him that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, +and being unwilling that a disaffected person should win the gold ring, +and be looked upon as the best grinner in the county, he ordered the +oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the table, which the +grinner refusing, he was set aside as an unqualified person. There were +several other grotesque figures that presented themselves, which it would +be too tedious to describe. I must not, however, omit a ploughman, who +lived in the further part of the county, and being very lucky in a pair +of long lantern jaws, wrung his face into such a hideous grimace that +every feature of it appeared under a different distortion. The whole +company stood astonished at such a complicated grin, and were ready to +assign the prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his antagonists +that he had practised with verjuice for some days before, and had a crab +found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the best judges +of grinning declared it as their opinion that he was not to be looked +upon as a fair grinner, and therefore ordered him to be set aside as a +cheat. + +The prize, it seems, fell at length upon a cobbler, Giles Gorgon by name, +who produced several new grins of his own invention, having been used to +cut faces for many years together over his last. At the very first grin +he cast every human feature out of his countenance; at the second he +became the face of spout; at the third a baboon; at the fourth the head +of a bass-viol; and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The whole +assembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him +unanimously; but what he esteemed more than all the rest, a country +wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before, was so +charmed with his grins and the applauses which he received on all sides, +that she married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize +upon her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding ring. + +This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent if it grew serious in the +conclusion. I would, nevertheless, leave it to the consideration of +those who are the patrons of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no +they are not guilty, in some measure, of an affront to their species in +treating after this manner the "human face divine," and turning that part +of us, which has so great an image impressed upon it, into the image of a +monkey; whether the raising such silly competitions among the ignorant, +proposing prizes for such useless accomplishments, filling the common +people's heads with such senseless ambitions, and inspiring them with +such absurd ideas of superiority and pre-eminence, has not in it +something immoral as well as ridiculous. + + + + +TRUST IN GOD. + + + _Si fractus illabatur orbis_, + _Impavidum ferient ruinae_. + + --HOR., Car. iii. 3, 7. + + Should the whole frame of nature round him break, + In ruin and confusion hurled, + He, unconcerned, would hear the mighty crack, + And stand secure amidst a falling world. + + ANON. + +Man, considered in himself, is a very helpless and a very wretched being. +He is subject every moment to the greatest calamities and misfortunes. He +is beset with dangers on all sides, and may become unhappy by numberless +casualties which he could not foresee, nor have prevented had he foreseen +them. + +It is our comfort, while we are obnoxious to so many accidents, that we +are under the care of One who directs contingencies, and has in His hands +the management of everything that is capable of annoying or offending us; +who knows the assistance we stand in need of, and is always ready to +bestow it on those who ask it of Him. + +The natural homage which such a creature bears to so infinitely wise and +good a Being is a firm reliance on Him for the blessings and conveniences +of life, and an habitual trust in Him for deliverance out of all such +dangers and difficulties as may befall us. + +The man who always lives in this disposition of mind has not the same +dark and melancholy views of human nature as he who considers himself +abstractedly from this relation to the Supreme Being. At the same time +that he reflects upon his own weakness and imperfection he comforts +himself with the contemplation of those Divine attributes which are +employed for his safety and his welfare. He finds his want of foresight +made up by the Omniscience of Him who is his support. He is not sensible +of his own want of strengths when he knows that his helper is almighty. +In short, the person who has a firm trust on the Supreme Being is +powerful in His power, wise by His wisdom, happy by His happiness. He +reaps the benefit of every Divine attribute, and loses his own +insufficiency in the fulness of infinite perfection. + +To make our lives more easy to us, we are commanded to put our trust in +Him, who is thus able to relieve and succour us; the Divine goodness +having made such reliance a duty, notwithstanding we should have been +miserable had it been forbidden us. + +Among several motives which might be made use of to recommend this duty +to us, I shall only take notice of these that follow. + +The first and strongest is, that we are promised He will not fail those +who put their trust in Him. + +But without considering the supernatural blessing which accompanies this +duty, we may observe that it has a natural tendency to its own reward, +or, in other words, that this firm trust and confidence in the great +Disposer of all things contributes very much to the getting clear of any +affliction, or to the bearing it manfully. A person who believes he has +his succour at hand, and that he acts in the sight of his friend, often +exerts himself beyond his abilities, and does wonders that are not to be +matched by one who is not animated with such a confidence of success. I +could produce instances from history of generals who, out of a belief +that they were under the protection of some invisible assistant, did not +only encourage their soldiers to do their utmost, but have acted +themselves beyond what they would have done had they not been inspired by +such a belief. I might in the same manner show how such a trust in the +assistance of an Almighty Being naturally produces patience, hope, +cheerfulness, and all other dispositions of the mind that alleviate those +calamities which we are not able to remove. + +The practice of this virtue administers great comfort to the mind of man +in times of poverty and affliction, but most of all in the hour of death. +When the soul is hovering in the last moments of its separation, when it +is just entering on another state of existence, to converse with scenes, +and objects, and companions, that are altogether new--what can support +her under such tremblings of thought, such fear, such anxiety, such +apprehensions, but the casting of all her cares upon Him who first gave +her being, who has conducted her through one stage of it, and will be +always with her, to guide and comfort her in her progress through +eternity? + +David has very beautifully represented this steady reliance on God +Almighty in his twenty-third Psalm, which is a kind of pastoral hymn, and +filled with those allusions which are usual in that kind of writing. As +the poetry is very exquisite, I shall present my reader with the +following translation of it: + + I. + + The Lord my pasture shall prepare, + And feed me with a shepherd's care; + His presence shall my wants supply, + And guard me with a watchful eye; + My noonday walks He shall attend, + And all my midnight hours defend. + + II. + + When in the sultry glebe I faint, + Or on the thirsty mountain pant; + To fertile vales and dewy meads + My weary, wand'ring steps He leads; + Where peaceful rivers, soft and slow, + Amid the verdant landscape flow. + + III. + + Though in the paths of death I tread, + With gloomy horrors overspread, + My steadfast heart shall fear no ill, + For thou, O Lord, art with me still; + Thy friendly crook shall give me aid, + And guide me through the dreadful shade. + + IV. + + Though in a bare and rugged way, + Through devious, lonely wilds I stray, + Thy bounty shall my pains beguile: + The barren wilderness shall smile + With sudden greens and herbage crowned, + And streams shall murmur all around. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESSAYS AND TALES*** + + +******* This file should be named 2791.txt or 2791.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/7/9/2791 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://www.gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://www.gutenberg.org/about/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: +http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + |