initial commit of ebook 27709HEADmain

66 files changed, 5122 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/27709-8.txt b/27709-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3bb8987
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1620 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Five O'Clock Tea
+       Farce
+
+Author: W. D. Howells
+
+Release Date: January 5, 2009 [EBook #27709]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+    +----------------------------------------------------------+
+    | Transcriber's Note:                                      |
+    |                                                          |
+    | On page 31, in the list of characters, Mrs. Campbell has |
+    | been changed to Mrs. Canfield.                           |
+    +----------------------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+HARPER'S BLACK & WHITE SERIES
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "'WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?'"]
+
+
+    FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+    Farce
+
+    BY
+    W. D. HOWELLS
+
+    ILLUSTRATED
+
+    NEW YORK
+    HARPER AND BROTHERS
+    1894
+
+    Copyright, 1894, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
+    Copyright, 1885, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
+    Copyright, 1885, by W. D. HOWELLS.
+
+    _All rights reserved._
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+    "'WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?'"            _Frontispiece_
+
+    "MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: 'THAT
+       MAKES IT A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT'"          _Facing page 32_
+
+
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+I
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Amy Somers, in a lightly floating tea-gown of singularly becoming
+texture and color, employs the last moments of expectance before the
+arrival of her guests in marching up and down in front of the mirror
+which fills the space between the long windows of her drawing-room,
+looking over either shoulder for different effects of the drifting and
+eddying train, and advancing upon her image with certain little bobs
+and bows, and retreating from it with a variety of fan practice and
+elaborated courtesies, finally degenerating into burlesque, and a
+series of grimaces and "mouths" made at the responsive reflex. In the
+fascination of this amusement she is first ignorant, and then aware, of
+the presence of Mr. Willis Campbell, who on the landing space between
+the drawing-room and the library stands, hat in hand, in the pleased
+contemplation of Mrs. Somers's manoeuvres and contortions as the mirror
+reports them to him. Mrs. Somers does not permit herself the slightest
+start on seeing him in the glass, but turns deliberately away, having
+taken time to prepare the air of gratification and surprise with which
+she greets him at half the length of the drawing-room.
+
+Mrs. Somers, giving her hand: "Why, Mr. Campbell! How very nice of you!
+How long have you been prowling about there on the landing? So stupid of
+them not to have turned up the gas!"
+
+Campbell: "I wasn't much incommoded. That sort of pitch-darkness is
+rather becoming to my style of beauty, I find. The only objection was
+that I couldn't see you."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Do you often make those pretty speeches?"
+
+Campbell: "When I can found them on fact."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What can I say back? Oh! That I'm sorry I couldn't have
+met you when you were looking your best."
+
+Campbell: "Um! Do you think you could have borne it? We might go out
+there."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "On second thoughts, no. I shall ring to have them turn up
+the gas."
+
+Campbell: "No; let me." He prevents her ringing, and going out into the
+space between the library and drawing-room, stands with his hand on the
+key of the gas-burner. "Now how do I look?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Beautiful."
+
+Campbell, turning up the gas: "And now?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Not _half_ so well. Decidedly pitch-darkness is becoming
+to you. Better turn it down again."
+
+Campbell, rejoining her in the drawing-room: "No; it isn't so becoming
+to you; and I'm not envious, whatever I am."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You are generosity itself."
+
+Campbell: "If you come to phrases, I prefer magnanimity."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, _say_ magnanimity. Won't you sit down--while you
+have the opportunity?" She sinks upon the sofa, and indicates with her
+fan an easy-chair at one end of it.
+
+Campbell, dropping into it: "Are there going to be so many?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell about five o'clock tea. There mayn't be
+more than half a dozen; there may be thirty or forty. But I wished to
+affect your imagination."
+
+Campbell: "You had better have tried it in some other kind of weather.
+It's snowing like--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, running to the window, and peeping out through the side of
+the curtain: "It is! like--cats and dogs!"
+
+Campbell: "Oh no! You can't say that! It only rains that way. I was
+going to say it myself, but I stopped in time."
+
+Mrs. Somers, standing before the window with clasped hands: "No matter!
+There will simply be nobody but bores. _They_ come in any sort of
+weather."
+
+Campbell: "Thank you, Mrs. Somers. I'm glad I ventured out."
+
+Mrs. Somers, turning about: "What?" Then realizing the situation: "Oh,
+_poor_ Mr. Campbell!"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, don't mind _me_! I can stand it if you can. I belong to a
+sex, thank you, that doesn't pretend to have any tact. I would just as
+soon tell a man he was a bore as not. But I thought it might worry a
+lady, perhaps."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Worry? I'm simply aghast at it. Did you ever hear of
+anything worse?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, not much worse."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What can I do to make you forget it?"
+
+Campbell: "I can't think of anything. It seems to me that I shall always
+remember it as the most fortunate speech a lady ever made to me--and
+they have said some flattering things to me in my time."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, don't be entirely heartless. Wouldn't a cup of tea
+blot it out? With a Peak & Frean?" She advances beseechingly upon him.
+"Come, I will give you a cup at once."
+
+Campbell: "No, thank you; I would rather have it with the rest of the
+bores. They'll be sure to come."
+
+Mrs. Somers, resuming her seat on the sofa: "You are implacable. And I
+thought you said you were generous."
+
+Campbell: "No; merely magnanimous. I can't forget your cruel frankness;
+but I know _you_ can, and I ask you to do it." He throws himself back in
+his chair with a sigh. "And who knows? Perhaps you were right."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "About what?"
+
+Campbell: "My being a bore."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I should think _you_ would know."
+
+Campbell: "No; that's the difficulty. Nobody would be a bore if he knew
+it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _some_ would, I think."
+
+Campbell: "Do you mean me?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then. I don't believe you would be a bore, if
+you knew it. Is that enough? or do you expect me to say something
+more?"
+
+Campbell: "No, it's quite enough, thank you." He remains pensively
+silent.
+
+Mrs. Somers, after waiting for him to speak: "Bores for bores, don't you
+hate the silent ones most?"
+
+Campbell, desperately rousing himself: "Mrs. Somers, if you only knew
+how disagreeable I was going to make myself just before I concluded to
+hold my tongue!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Really? What were you going to say?"
+
+Campbell: "Do you actually wish to know?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh no; I only thought you wished to tell."
+
+Campbell: "Not at all. You complained of my being silent."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Did I? I was wrong. I will never do so again." She laughs
+in her fan.
+
+Campbell: "And I complain of your delay. You can tell me now, just as
+well as two weeks hence, whether you love me enough to marry me or
+not."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You promised not to recur to that subject without some
+hint from me. You have broken your promise."
+
+Campbell: "Well, you wouldn't give me any hint."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "How can I believe you care for me if you are false in
+this?"
+
+Campbell: "It seems to me that my falsehood is another proof of my
+affection."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Very well, then; you can wait till I know my mind."
+
+Campbell: "I'd rather know your heart. But I'll wait." After a pause:
+"Why do you carry a fan on a day like this? I ask, to make general
+conversation."
+
+Mrs. Somers, spreading the fan in her lap, and looking at it curiously:
+"I don't know." After a moment: "Oh yes; for the same reason that I
+shall have ice-cream after dinner to-day."
+
+Campbell: "That's no reason at all." After a moment: "Are you going to
+have ice-cream to-day after dinner?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I might. If I had company."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I couldn't stay after hinting. I'm too proud for that."
+He pulls his chair nearer and joins her in examining the fan in her lap.
+"What is so very strange about your fan?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. I was just seeing how a fan looked that was the
+subject of gratuitous criticism."
+
+Campbell: "I didn't criticise the _fan_." He regards it studiously.
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh! _Not_ the fan?"
+
+Campbell: "No; I think it's extremely pretty. I like big fans."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "So good of you! It's Spanish. That's why it's so large."
+
+Campbell: "It's hand-painted, too."
+
+Mrs. Somers, leaning back, and leaving him to the inspection of the fan:
+"You're a connoisseur, Mr. Campbell."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I can tell hand-painting from machine-painting when I see
+it. 'Tisn't so good."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Thank you."
+
+Campbell: "Not at all. Now, that fellow--cavalier, I suppose, in
+Spain--making love in that attitude, you can see at a glance that _he's_
+hand-painted. No _machine_-painted cavalier would do it in that way.
+And look at the lady's hand. Who ever saw a hand of that size before?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, unclasping the hands which she had folded at her waist, and
+putting one of them out to take up the fan: "You said you were not
+criticising the fan."
+
+Campbell, quickly seizing the hand, with the fan in it: "Ah, I'm wrong!
+Here's another one no bigger. Let me see which is the largest."
+
+Mrs. Somers, struggling not very violently to free her hand: "Mr.
+Campbell!"
+
+Campbell: "Don't take it away! You must listen to me now, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers, rising abruptly, and dropping her fan as she comes forward
+to meet an elderly gentleman arriving from the landing: "Mr. Bemis! How
+very heroic of you to come such a day! Isn't it too bad?"
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+_MR. BEMIS; MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Bemis: "Not if it makes me specially welcome, Mrs. Somers." Discovering
+Campbell: "Oh, Mr. Campbell!"
+
+Campbell, striving for his self-possession as they shake hands: "Yes,
+another hero, Mr. Bemis. Mrs. Somers is going to brevet everybody who
+comes to-day. She didn't _say_ heroes to me, but--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You shall have your tea at once, Mr. Bemis." She rings. "I
+was making Mr. Campbell wait for his. You don't order up the teapot for
+one hero."
+
+Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! No, indeed! But I'm very glad you do for two. The
+fact is"--rubbing his hands--"I'm half frozen."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Is it so very cold?" To Campbell, who presents her fan
+with a bow: "Oh, thank you." To Mr. Bemis: "Mr. Campbell has just been
+objecting to my fan. He doesn't like its being hand-painted, as he
+calls it."
+
+Bemis: "That reminds me of a California gentleman whom I found looking
+at an Andrea del Sarto in the Pitti Palace at Florence one
+day--by-the-way, _you've_ been a Californian too, Mr. Campbell; but you
+won't mind. He seemed to be puzzled over it, and then he said to me--I
+was standing near him--'Hand-painted, I presume?'"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! How very good!" To the maid, who appears:
+"The tea, Lizzie."
+
+Campbell: "You don't think he was joking?"
+
+Bemis, with misgiving: "Why, no, it never occurred to me that he was."
+
+Campbell: "You can't always tell when a Californian's joking."
+
+Mrs. Somers, with insinuation: "_Can't_ you? Not even adoptive ones?"
+
+Campbell: "Adoptive ones never joke."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Not even about hand-painted fans? What an interesting
+fact!" She sits down on the sofa behind the little table on which the
+maid arranges the tea, and pours out a cup. Then, with her eyes on Mr.
+Bemis: "Cream and sugar both? Yes?" Holding a cube of sugar in the
+tongs: "How many?"
+
+Bemis: "One, please."
+
+Mrs. Somers, handing it to him: "I'm so glad you take your tea _au
+naturel_, as I call it."
+
+Campbell: "What do you call it when they don't take it with cream and
+sugar?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Au unnaturel._ There's only one thing worse: taking it
+with a slice of lemon in it. You might as well draw it from a bothersome
+samovar at once, and be done with it."
+
+Campbell: "The samovar is picturesque."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It is insincere. Like Californians. Natives."
+
+Campbell: "Well, I can think of something much worse than tea with lemon
+in it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What?"
+
+Campbell: "No tea at all."
+
+Mrs. Somers, recollecting herself: "Oh, _poor_ Mr. Campbell! Two
+lumps?"
+
+Campbell: "One, thank you. Your pity is so sweet!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You ought to have thought of the milk of human kindness,
+and spared my cream-jug too."
+
+Campbell: "You didn't pour out your compassion soon enough."
+
+Bemis, who has been sipping his tea in silent admiration: "Are you often
+able to keep it up in that way? I was fancying myself at the theatre."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _don't_ encore us! Mr. Campbell would keep saying his
+things over indefinitely."
+
+Campbell, presenting his cup: "Another lump. It's turned bitter. _Two!_"
+
+Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! Very good--very good indeed!"
+
+Campbell: "Thank you kindly, Mr. Bemis."
+
+Mrs. Somers, greeting the new arrivals, and leaning forward to shake
+hands with them as they come up, without rising: "Mrs. Roberts! How very
+good of you! And Mr. Roberts!"
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+_MR. and MRS. ROBERTS and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Roberts: "Not at all."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Of course we were coming."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Will you have some tea? You see I'm installed already. Mr.
+Campbell was so greedy he wouldn't wait."
+
+Campbell: "Mr. Bemis and I are here in the character of heroes, and we
+had to have our tea at once. You're a hero too, Roberts, though you
+don't look it. Any one who comes to tea in such weather is a hero, or
+a--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, interrupting him with a little shriek: "Ugh! How hot that
+handle's getting!"
+
+Campbell: "Ah, I dare say. Let me turn out my sister's cup." Pouring out
+the tea and handing it to Mrs. Roberts. "I don't see how you could
+reconcile it to your No. Eleven conscience to leave your children in
+such a snow-storm as this, Agnes."
+
+Mrs. Roberts, in vague alarm: "Why, what in the world could happen to
+them, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, nothing to _them_. But suppose Roberts got snowed under.
+Have some tea, Roberts?" He offers to pour out a cup.
+
+Mrs. Somers, dispossessing him of the teapot with dignity: "Thank you,
+Mr. Campbell; _I_ will pour out the tea."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, very well. I thought the handle was hot."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It's cooler now."
+
+Campbell: "And you won't let me help you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "When there are more people you may hand the tea."
+
+Campbell: "I wish I knew just how much that meant."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Very little. As little as an adoptive Californian in his
+most earnest mood." While they talk--Campbell bending over the teapot,
+on which Mrs. Somers keeps her hand--the others form a little group
+apart.
+
+Bemis, to Mrs. Roberts: "I hope Mr. Roberts's distinguished friend won't
+give us the slip on account of the storm."
+
+Roberts: "Oh no; he'll be sure to come. He may be late. But he's the
+most amiable of Englishmen, and I know he won't disappoint Mrs. Somers."
+
+Bemis: "The most unamiable of Englishmen couldn't do that."
+
+Roberts: "Ah, I don't know. Did you meet Mr. Pogis?"
+
+Bemis: "No; what did he do?"
+
+Roberts: "Why, he came--to the Hibbens's dinner--in a sack coat."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "I thought it was a Cardigan jacket."
+
+Bemis: "_I_ heard a Norfolk jacket and knickerbockers."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Ah, there is Mrs. Curwen!" To Campbell, aside: "And
+without her husband!"
+
+Campbell: "Or any one else's husband."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "For shame!"
+
+Campbell: "You began it."
+
+Mrs. Somers, to Mrs. Curwen; who approaches her sofa: "You are kindness
+itself, Mrs. Curwen, to come on such a day." The ladies press each
+other's hands.
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+_MRS. CURWEN and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "You are goodness in person, Mrs. Somers, to say so."
+
+Campbell: "And I am magnanimity embodied. Let me introduce myself, Mrs.
+Curwen!" He bows, and Mrs. Curwen deeply courtesies.
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should never have known you."
+
+Campbell, melodramatically, to Mrs. Somers: "Tea, ho! for Mrs.
+Curwen--impenetrably disguised as kindness."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "What shall I say to him?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, pouring the tea: "Anything you like, Mrs. Curwen. Aren't we
+to see Mr. Curwen to-day?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen, taking her tea: "No, I'm his insufficient apology. He's
+detained at his office--business."
+
+Campbell: "Then you see they don't _all_ come, Mrs. Somers."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "All what?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, all the--heroes."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Is that what he was going to say, Mrs. Somers?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell what he's going to say."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would be afraid of him."
+
+Mrs. Somers, with a little shrug: "Oh no; he's quite harmless. It's just
+a little way he has." To Mr. and Mrs. Miller, Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Bemis,
+and Dr. Lawton, who all appear together: "Ah, how do you do? So glad to
+see you! So very kind of you! I didn't suppose _you_ would venture out.
+And you too, Doctor?" She begins to pour out tea for them, one after
+another, with great zeal.
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+_DR. LAWTON, MR. and MRS. MILLER, YOUNG MR. and MRS. BEMIS,
+and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Dr. Lawton: "Yes, I too. It sounded very much as if I were Brutus also."
+He stirs his tea and stares round at the company. "It seems to me that I
+have met these conspirators before. That's what makes Boston
+insupportable. You're always meeting the same people!"
+
+Campbell: "We all feel it as keenly as you do, Doctor."
+
+Lawton, looking sharply at him: "Oh! _you_ here? I might have expected
+it. Where is your aunt?"
+
+
+
+
+VI
+
+_MRS. CRASHAW and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Crashaw, appearing: "If you mean me, Dr. Lawton--"
+
+Lawton: "I do, my dear friend. What company is complete without you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, reaching forward to take her hand, while with her
+disengaged hand she begins to pour her a cup of tea: "None in _my_
+house."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Very pretty." Taking her tea. "I hope it isn't complete,
+either, without the English painter you promised us."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "No, indeed! And a great many other people besides. But
+haven't you met him yet? I supposed Mrs. Roberts--"
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Oh, I don't go to _all_ of Agnes's fandangoes. I was to
+have seen him at Mrs. Wheeler's--he is being asked everywhere, of
+course--but he didn't come. He sent his father and mother instead. They
+were very nice old people, but they hadn't painted his pictures."
+
+Lawton: "They might say his pictures would never have been painted
+without them."
+
+Bemis: "It was like Heine's going to visit Rachel by appointment. She
+wasn't in, but her father and mother were; and when he met her
+afterwards he told her that he had just come from a show where he had
+seen a curious monster advertised for exhibition--the offspring of a
+hare and a salmon. The monster was not to be seen at the moment, but the
+showman said here was monsieur the hare and madame the salmon."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "What in the world did Rachel say?"
+
+Lawton: "Ah, that's what these brilliant anecdotes never tell. And I
+think it would be very interesting to know what the victim of a
+witticism has to say."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would know very often, Doctor."
+
+Lawton: "Ah, now I should like to know what the victim of a compliment
+says!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "He bows his thanks." Dr. Lawton makes a profound
+obeisance, to which Mrs. Curwen responds in burlesque.
+
+Miller: "We all envy you, Doctor."
+
+Mrs. Miller: "Oh yes. Mrs. Curwen never makes a compliment without
+meaning it."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I can't say that quite, my dear. I should be very sorry to
+mean all the civil things I say. But I never flatter gentlemen of a
+certain age."
+
+Mrs. Miller, tittering ineffectively: "I shall know what to say to Mr.
+Miller after this."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Well, if you haven't got the man, Mrs. Somers, you _have_
+got his picture, haven't you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Yes; it's on my writing-desk in the library. Let me--"
+
+Lawton: "No, no; don't disturb yourself! We wish to tear it to pieces
+without your embarrassing presence. Will you take my arm, Mrs. Crashaw?"
+
+Mrs. Bemis: "Oh, let us all go and see it!"
+
+Roberts: "Aren't you coming, Willis?"
+
+Campbell, without looking round: "Thank you, I've seen it."
+
+Mrs. Somers, whom the withdrawal of her other guests has left alone with
+him: "How could you tell such a fib?"
+
+Campbell: "I could tell much worse fibs than that in such a cause."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What cause?"
+
+Campbell: "A lost one, I'm afraid. Will you answer my question, Amy?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Did you ask me any?"
+
+Campbell: "You know I did--before those people came in."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _that_! Yes. I should like to ask _you_ a question
+first."
+
+Campbell: "Twenty, if you like."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Why do you feel authorized to call me by my first name?"
+
+Campbell: "Because I love you. Now will you answer me?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, dreamily: "I didn't say I would, did I?"
+
+Campbell, rising, sadly: "No."
+
+Mrs. Somers, mechanically taking the hand he offers her: "Oh! What--"
+
+Campbell: "I'm going; that's all."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "So soon?"
+
+Campbell: "Yes; but I'll try to make amends by not coming back soon--or
+at all."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't!"
+
+Campbell: "Mustn't what?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't keep my hand. Here come some more people. Ah,
+Mrs. Canfield! Miss Bayly! So very nice of you, Mrs. Wharton! Will you
+have some tea?"
+
+
+
+
+VII
+
+_MRS. CANFIELD, MISS BAYLY, MRS. WHARTON, and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "No, thank you. The only objection to afternoon tea is the
+tea."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I'm so glad you don't mind the weather." With her hand on
+the teapot, glancing up at Miss Bayly: "And do you refuse too?"
+
+Miss Bayly: "I can answer for Mrs. Canfield that _she_ doesn't, and I
+_never_ do. _We_ object to the weather."
+
+Mrs. Somers, pouring a cup of tea: "That makes it a little more
+difficult. I can keep from offering Mrs. Wharton some tea, but I can't
+stop its snowing."
+
+Miss Bayly, taking her cup: "But you're so amiable; we know you would
+if you could, and that's quite enough. We're not the first and only, are
+we?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Dear_, no! There are multitudes of flattering spirits in
+the library, stopping the mouth of my portrait with pretty speeches."
+
+Miss Bayly, vividly: "Not your _Bramford_ portrait?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "My Bramford _portrait_."
+
+Miss Bayly, to the other ladies: "Oh, let us go and see it too!" They
+flutter out of the drawing-room, where Mrs. Somers and Campbell remain
+alone together as before. He continues silent, while she waits for him
+to speak.
+
+[Illustration: "MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: 'THAT MAKES IT A
+LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT'"]
+
+
+
+
+VIII
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Somers, finally: "Well?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, what?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. Only I thought you were--you were going to--"
+
+Campbell: "No; I've got nothing to say."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I didn't mean that. I thought you were going to--go." She
+puts up her hand and hides a triumphant little smile with it.
+
+Campbell: "Very well, then, I'll go, since you wish it." He holds out
+his hand.
+
+Mrs. Somers, putting hers behind her: "You've shaken hands once.
+Besides, who said I wished you to go?"
+
+Campbell: "Do you wish me to stay?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I wish you to--hand tea to people."
+
+Campbell: "And you won't say anything more?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It seems to me that's enough."
+
+Campbell: "It isn't enough for me. But I suppose beggars mustn't be
+choosers. I can't stay merely to hand tea to people, however. You can
+say yes or no now, Amy, as well as at any other time."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then--if you wish it so much."
+
+Campbell: "You know I don't wish it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You gave me my choice. I thought you were indifferent
+about the word."
+
+Campbell: "You know better than that, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Amy again! Aren't you a little previous, Mr. Campbell?"
+
+Campbell, with a sigh: "Ah, that's for you to say."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Wouldn't it be impolite?"
+
+Campbell; "Oh, not for _you_."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "If you're so sarcastic, I shall be afraid of you."
+
+Campbell: "Under what circumstances?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, dropping her eyes: "I don't know." He makes a rush upon
+her. "Oh! here comes Mrs. Curwen! Shake hands, as if you were going."
+
+
+
+
+IX
+
+_MRS. CURWEN; MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "What! is Mr. Campbell going, _too_?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Too? _You're_ not going, Mrs. Curwen?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Yes, I'm going. The likeness is perfect, Mrs. Somers. It's
+a speaking likeness, if there ever was one."
+
+Campbell: "Did it do all the talking?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "It would--if Mrs. Roberts and Dr. Lawton hadn't been
+there. Well, I must go."
+
+Campbell: "So must I."
+
+Mrs. Somers, in surprise: "_Must_ you?"
+
+Campbell: "Yes; these drifts will be over my ears directly."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "You poor man! You don't mean to say you're _walking_?"
+
+Campbell: "I shall be, in about half a minute."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Indeed you shall not! You shall be driving--with me. I've
+a vacancy in the coupé, and I'll set you down wherever you like."
+
+Campbell: "Won't it crowd you?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Not at all."
+
+Campbell: "Or incommode you in any way?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "It will oblige me in every way."
+
+Campbell: "Then I will go, and a thousand thanks. Good-by again, Mrs.
+Somers."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Good-by, Mrs. Somers. Poor Mrs. Somers! It seems too bad
+to leave you here alone, bowed in an elegiac attitude over your
+tea-urn."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, not at all! Remember me to _Mr._ Curwen."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I will. Well, Mr. Campbell--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Mr. Campbell--"
+
+Campbell: "Well?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "To which?"
+
+Campbell: "Both."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Neither!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! Mr. Campbell, do you know much about
+women?"
+
+Campbell: "I had a mother."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Oh, a _mother_ won't do."
+
+Campbell: "Well, I have an only sister who is a woman."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "A sister won't do, _either_--not your own. You can't learn
+a woman's meaning in that way."
+
+Campbell: "I will sit at your feet, Mrs. Curwen, if you'll instruct me."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I shall be delighted. I'll begin now. Oh, you needn't
+really prostrate yourself!" She stops him in a burlesque attempt to do
+so. "And I'll concentrate the wisdom of the whole first lesson in a
+single word."
+
+Campbell, with clasped hands of entreaty: "Speak, blessed ghost!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Stay! Ah! ha, ha, ha!" She flies at Mrs. Somers and kisses
+her. "You can't say I'm ill-natured, my dear, whatever I am!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, pursuing her exit with the word: "No, merely atrocious." A
+pause ensues, in which Campbell stands irresolute.
+
+
+
+
+X
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Campbell, finally: "Did you wish me to stay, Amy?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, airily: "I? Oh no! It was Mrs. Curwen."
+
+Campbell: "Then I think I'll accept her kind offer of a seat in her
+coupé."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh! I thought, of course, you'd stay--at _her_ request."
+
+Campbell: "No; I shall only stay at yours."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "And I shall not ask you. In fact, I warn you not to."
+
+Campbell: "Why?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Because, if you urge me to speak now, I shall say--"
+
+Campbell: "I wasn't going to urge you."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "No matter! I shall say it now without being urged. Yes,
+I've made up my mind. I can't marry a flirt."
+
+Campbell: "I can, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Sir!"
+
+Campbell: "You know very well you sent those people into the other room
+to keep me here and torment me--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Now_ you've _insulted_ me, and all _is_ over."
+
+Campbell: "To tantalize me with your loveliness, your beauty, your
+grace, Amy!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, softening: "Oh, that's all very well--"
+
+Campbell: "I'm glad you like it. I could go on at much greater length.
+But you know I love you dearly, Amy, and why should you delight in my
+agonies? But only marry me, and you shall delight in them as long as you
+live, and--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You must hold me very cheap to think I would take you from
+that creature."
+
+Campbell: "Confound her! I wasn't hers to give. I offered myself first."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "She offered you last, and--no, thank you, please."
+
+Campbell: "Do you really mean it?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I shall not say. Or, yes, I _will_ say. If that woman, who
+seems to have you at her beck and call, had not intermeddled, I might
+have made you a very different answer. But now my eyes are opened, and I
+see what I should have to expect, and--no, thank you, please."
+
+Campbell: "And if she hadn't offered me--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, drawing out her handkerchief and putting it to her eyes: "I
+was feeling kindly towards you--I was such a little fool--"
+
+Campbell: "Amy!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "And you knew how much I disliked her."
+
+Campbell: "Yes, I saw by the way you kissed each other."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! You knew that meant nothing. But if it had been
+anybody else in the world but her, I shouldn't have minded it. And
+now--"
+
+Campbell: "Now--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Now all those geese are coming back from the other room,
+and they'll see that I've been crying, and everybody will know
+everything. Willis--"
+
+Campbell: "_Willis?_"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Let me go! I must bathe my eyes! You stay here and
+receive them! I'll be back at once!" She escapes from the arms stretched
+towards her, and out of the door, just before her guests enter from the
+library, and Campbell remains to receive them. The ladies, in returning,
+call over one another's heads and shoulders.
+
+
+
+
+XI
+
+_MR. CAMPBELL and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Amy, it's _lovely_! But it doesn't _half_ do you
+justice."
+
+Young Mrs. Bemis: "It's too sweet for _anything_, Mrs. Somers."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Why did you let the man put you into that ridiculous
+seventeenth-century dress? Can't he paint a modern frock?"
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "But what exquisite coloring, Mrs. Somers!"
+
+Mrs. Miller: "He's got just your lovely turn of the head."
+
+Miss Bayly: "And the way you hold your fan--what character he's thrown
+into it!"
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "And that fall of the skirt, Amy; that skirt is _full_ of
+character!" She discovers Mr. Campbell behind the tea-urn. He has Mrs.
+Somers's light wrap on his shoulders, and her fan in his hand, and he
+alternately hides his blushes with it, and coquettishly folds it and
+pats his mouth in a gross caricature of Mrs. Somers's manner. In rising
+he twitches his coat forward in a similar burlesque of a lady's
+management of her skirt. "Why, where is Amy, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Gone a moment. Some trouble about--the hot water."
+
+Lawton: "Hot water that you've been getting into? Ah, young man, look me
+in the eye!"
+
+Campbell: "Your glass one, Doctor?"
+
+Young Mr. Bemis: "Why, my dear, has your father got a glass eye?"
+
+Mrs. Bemis: "Of _course_ he hasn't! What an idea! I don't know what Mr.
+Campbell means."
+
+Lawton: "I've no doubt he wishes I had a glass eye--two of them, for
+that matter. But that isn't answering my question. Where is Mrs.
+Somers?"
+
+Campbell: "That was my sister's question, and I did answer it. Have some
+tea, ladies? I'm glad you like my portrait, and that you think he's got
+my lovely turn of the head, and the way I hold my fan, and the character
+of my skirt; but I agree with you that it isn't half as pretty as I am."
+
+The Ladies: "Oh, what shall we do to him? Prescribe for us, Doctor."
+
+Campbell: "No, no! I want the Doctor's services myself. I don't want him
+to give me his medicines. I want him to give me away."
+
+Lawton: "You're tired of giving yourself away, then?"
+
+Campbell: "It's of no use. They won't have me."
+
+Lawton: "Who won't?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I'll leave Mrs. Somers to say."
+
+
+
+
+XII
+
+_MRS. SOMERS and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Somers, radiantly reappearing: "Say what?" She has hidden the
+traces of her tears from every one but the ladies by a light application
+of powder, and she knows that they all know she has been crying, and
+this makes her a little more smiling. "Say what?" She addresses the
+company in general rather than Campbell.
+
+Campbell, with caricatured tenderness: "Say yes."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What does he mean, Doctor?"
+
+Lawton: "Oh, I'm afraid he's past all surgery. I give him over to you,
+Mrs. Somers."
+
+Campbell: "There, now. She wasn't the last to do it!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, with the resolution of a widow: "Well, I suppose there's
+nothing else for it, then. I'll see what can be done for your patient,
+Doctor." She passes her hand through Campbell's arm, where he continues
+to stand behind the tea-table.
+
+Mrs. Roberts, falling upon her and kissing her: "Amy, you don't _mean_
+it!"
+
+Mrs. Bemis, embracing her in turn: "I never can believe it."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "It is ridiculous! What, Willis?"
+
+Mrs. Miller: "It does seem too nice to be true."
+
+Bemis: "You astonish us!"
+
+Roberts: "We never should have dreamed of it."
+
+Young Mr. Bemis: "You _must_ give us time to realize it."
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "Is it _possible_?"
+
+Miss Bayly: "_Is_ it possible?" They all shake hands with Mrs. Somers in
+turn.
+
+Roberts: "Isn't this rather sudden, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, it is--for Mrs. Somers, perhaps. But _I've_ found it
+awfully gradual."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! It's an old story for both of us."
+
+Campbell: "Well, what I like about it is, it's _true_. Founded on fact!"
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Really? I _can't_ believe it!"
+
+Campbell: "Well, I don't know whom all this charming incredulity's
+intended to flatter, but if it's I, I say no, _not_ really, at all! It's
+merely a little _coup de théâtre_ we've been arranging."
+
+Lawton, patting him on the shoulder: "One ahead, as usual."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, thank you, Doctor! There are two of us ahead now."
+
+Lawton: "_I_ believe you, at any rate. Bravo!" He initiates an applause
+in which all the rest join, while Campbell catches up Mrs. Somers's fan
+and unfurls it before both their faces.
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+Harper's "Black and White" Series.
+
+Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.
+
+
+_LATEST ISSUES:_
+
+    FIVE O'CLOCK TEA. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    THE MOUSE-TRAP. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    A LIKELY STORY. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    THIS PICTURE AND THAT. A Comedy. By Brander Matthews.
+
+    TRAVELS IN AMERICA 100 YEARS AGO. By Thomas Twining.
+
+    MY YEAR IN A LOG CABIN. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    EVENING DRESS. A Farce. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    THE WORK OF WASHINGTON IRVING. By Charles Dudley Warner.
+
+    EDWIN BOOTH. By Laurence Hutton.
+
+    PHILLIPS BROOKS. By Rev. Arthur Brooks, D.D.
+
+    THE DECISION OF THE COURT. A Comedy, By Brander Matthews.
+
+    GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS. By John White Chadwick.
+
+    THE UNEXPECTED GUESTS. A Farce. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    SLAVERY AND THE SLAVE TRADE IN AFRICA. By Henry M. Stanley.
+
+    THE RIVALS. By François Coppée.
+
+    WHITTIER: NOTES OF HIS LIFE AND OF HIS FRIENDSHIPS. By Annie Fields.
+
+    THE JAPANESE BRIDE. By Naomi Tamura.
+
+    GILES COREY, YEOMAN. By Mary E. Wilkins.
+
+    COFFEE AND REPARTEE. By John Kendrick Bangs.
+
+_For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers, postage
+prepaid, on receipt of price._
+
+
+
+
+BY WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS.
+
+
+    THE COAST OF BOHEMIA. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
+
+    THE WORLD OF CHANCE. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50, Paper, 60 cents.
+
+    THE QUALITY OF MERCY. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50, Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    AN IMPERATIVE DUTY. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00; Paper, 50 cents.
+
+    A HAZARD OF NEW FORTUNES. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $2 00; 1 vol.,
+        Illustrated, Paper, $1 00.
+
+    THE SHADOW OF A DREAM. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00; Paper, 50 cents.
+
+    ANNIE KILBURN. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50; Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    APRIL HOPES. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50; Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY, and Other Stories. Illustrated. Post 8vo,
+        Cloth, $1 25.
+
+    A BOY'S TOWN. Illustrated. Post 8vo, Cloth, $1 25.
+
+    THE MOUSE-TRAP, and Other Farces. Illustrated. 32mo,
+        Cloth, $1 00.
+
+    MY YEAR IN A LOG-CABIN. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents.
+
+    A LITTLE SWISS SOJOURN. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents.
+
+    FARCES: _A Likely Story--The Mouse-Trap--Five O'Clock
+        Tea--Evening Dress--The Unexpected Guests--A Letter of
+        Introduction--The Albany Depot--The Garroters._ Illustrated.
+        32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.
+
+    CRITICISM AND FICTION. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
+
+    MODERN ITALIAN POETS. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00.
+
+
+
+
+HARPER'S AMERICAN ESSAYISTS. With Portraits. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00 each.
+
+
+    LITERARY AND SOCIAL SILHOUETTES. By HJALMAR HJORTH BOYESEN.
+
+    STUDIES OF THE STAGE. By BRANDER MATTHEWS.
+
+    AMERICANISMS AND BRITICISMS, with Other Essays on Other Isms. By
+        BRANDER MATTHEWS.
+
+    AS WE GO. By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER. With Illustrations.
+
+    AS WE WERE SAYING. By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER. With Illustrations.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. _Second Series._ By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. _Third Series._ By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    CRITICISM AND FICTION. By WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS.
+
+    FROM THE BOOKS OF LAURENCE HUTTON. CONCERNING ALL OF US. By
+        THOMAS WENTWORTH HIGGINSON.
+
+    THE WORK OF JOHN RUSKIN. By CHARLES WALDSTEIN.
+
+    PICTURE AND TEXT. By HENRY JAMES. With Illustrations.
+
+
+PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK.
+
+--> _For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers,
+postage prepaid, to any part of the United States, Canada, or Mexico,
+on receipt of the price._
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+***** This file should be named 27709-8.txt or 27709-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/7/0/27709/
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/27709-8.zip b/27709-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ee43c94
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-8.zip
diff --git a/27709-h.zip b/27709-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2852663
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h.zip
diff --git a/27709-h/27709-h.htm b/27709-h/27709-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b6772fa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/27709-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,1866 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+    "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" />
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Five O'clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css">
+/*<![CDATA[  XML blockout */
+<!--
+body {
+    margin-left: 10%;
+    margin-right: 10%;
+}
+
+    h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {
+    text-align: center; /* all headings centered */
+    margin: 2em auto 2em auto;
+    clear: both;
+}
+
+p {
+    margin-top: .75em;
+    text-align: justify;
+    margin-bottom: .75em;
+    text-indent: 1em;
+}
+
+p.cap {text-indent: 0em;}
+p.cap:first-letter {
+    float: left; clear: left;
+    margin: .1em 0.1em 0em 0em;
+    padding: 0;
+    line-height: .9em; font-size: 300%;}
+
+hr { margin: 5em auto 3em auto;
+     height: 0px;
+     border-width: 1px 0 0 0;
+     border-style: solid;
+     border-color: #cfc0b0;
+     width: 30em;
+     clear: both;
+}
+hr.hr2 {width: 15em; margin: 3em auto 5em auto;}
+hr.hr3 {width: 15em; margin: 3em auto 3em auto;}
+
+table {
+    margin: auto;
+}
+
+td {vertical-align: top;}
+.tdr {text-align: right; text-indent: 0; vertical-align: bottom;}
+.tdl {text-align: left; padding-right: 1em;  margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 2em; text-indent: -2em;}
+
+em {font-style: italic;}
+
+ins {text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 1px dotted #cfc0b0;}
+
+.pagenum  {/* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */
+           /*visibility: hidden;*/
+            position: absolute;
+            left: 95%;
+            font-size: 10px;
+            font-weight: normal;
+            font-variant: normal;
+            font-style: normal;
+            letter-spacing: normal;
+            text-indent: 0em;
+            text-align: right;
+            color: #999999;
+            background-color: #ffffff;
+} /* page numbers */
+
+.center   {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em;}
+
+.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
+
+.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
+
+.caption  {font-weight: bold;}
+
+.noi      {text-indent: 0em;}
+
+/* Images */
+.figcenter   {
+    margin: 3em auto 3em auto;
+    text-align: center;
+}
+.figleft     {float: left; clear: left;}
+
+.tn {margin: 5em auto 5em auto; text-align: center; width: 28em;
+     background-color: #cfc0b0; padding: .5em;}
+
+#tpc {margin: 5em auto 5em auto; text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; width: 28em;}
+p.tp {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; line-height: 2em;}
+.title {font-size: 200%; letter-spacing: .1em; word-spacing: .2em;}
+.sub   {font-size: 150%; font-family: Old English Text MT, serif;}
+.by    {font-size: 110%;}
+.author {font-size: 150%;}
+.illustrated {font-size: 130%;}
+.pub         {font-size: 110%;}
+.link {line-height: 0em;}
+.hang {margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;}
+#books {text-align: center; margin: auto; width: 30em;}
+
+// -->
+/* XML end  ]]>*/
+    </style>
+  </head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Five O'Clock Tea
+       Farce
+
+Author: W. D. Howells
+
+Release Date: January 5, 2009 [EBook #27709]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="tn">
+<p class="center"><strong>Transcriber's Note:</strong></p>
+
+<p class="noi">On <a href="#campbell">page 31</a>, in the list of characters, Mrs. Campbell has
+been changed to Mrs. Canfield.</p>
+</div>
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 399px;">
+<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="399" height="600" alt="Cover" title="Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells" />
+<span class="caption smcap">Harper's<br />
+Black &amp; White<br />
+Series</span><br />
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h1>FIVE O'CLOCK TEA</h1>
+
+
+
+
+
+<p class="link"><a name="front" id="front"></a></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 581px;">
+<img src="images/front.jpg" width="581" height="355" alt="&quot;&#39;WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?&#39;&quot;" title="" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;&#39;WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?&#39;&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<hr />
+
+<div id="tpc">
+<p class="tp"><span class="title">FIVE O'CLOCK TEA</span><br />
+<br />
+<span class="sub">Farce</span><br />
+<br />
+<br />
+<span class="by">BY</span><br />
+<span class="author">W. D. HOWELLS</span><br />
+<br />
+<span class="illustrated">ILLUSTRATED</span></p>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 140px;">
+<img src="images/logo.jpg" width="140" height="200" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p class="tp"><span class="pub">NEW YORK<br />
+<big>HARPER AND BROTHERS</big><br />
+1894</span></p>
+</div>
+
+
+<h5>
+Copyright, 1894, by <span class="smcap">Harper &amp; Brothers</span>.<br />
+
+Copyright, 1885, by <span class="smcap">Harper &amp; Brothers</span>.<br />
+
+Copyright, 1885, by <span class="smcap">W. D. Howells</span>.<br />
+<br />
+<em>All rights reserved.</em>
+</h5>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2>
+
+<table summary="List of Illustrations">
+<tr>
+<td class="tdl">"'WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?'"</td>
+<td class="tdr"><a href="#front"><em>Frontispiece</em></a></td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td class="tdl">"MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: 'THAT
+MAKES IT A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT'"</td>
+<td class="tdr"><a href="#p32"><em>Facing&nbsp;page&nbsp;32</em></a></td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h1><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>FIVE O'CLOCK TEA</h1>
+
+<h2><a name="I" id="I"></a>I<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p class="cap">MRS. Amy Somers, in a lightly floating tea-gown of singularly becoming
+texture and color, employs the last moments of expectance before the
+arrival of her guests in marching up and down in front of the mirror
+which fills the space between the long windows of her drawing-room,
+looking over either shoulder for different effects of the drifting and
+eddying train, and advancing upon her image with certain little bobs and
+bows, and retreating from it with a variety of fan practice and
+elaborated courtesies, finally degenerating into burlesque, and a series
+of grimaces and "mouths" made at the responsive reflex. In the
+fascination of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> this amusement she is first ignorant, and then aware, of
+the presence of Mr. Willis Campbell, who on the landing space between
+the drawing-room and the library stands, hat in hand, in the pleased
+contemplation of Mrs. Somers's man&oelig;uvres and contortions as the
+mirror reports them to him. Mrs. Somers does not permit herself the
+slightest start on seeing him in the glass, but turns deliberately away,
+having taken time to prepare the air of gratification and surprise with
+which she greets him at half the length of the drawing-room.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, giving her hand: "Why, Mr. Campbell! How very nice of you!
+How long have you been prowling about there on the landing? So stupid of
+them not to have turned up the gas!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I wasn't much incommoded. That sort of pitch-darkness is
+rather becoming to my style of beauty, I find. The only objection was
+that I couldn't see you."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Do you often make those pretty speeches?"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>Campbell: "When I can found them on fact."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "What can I say back? Oh! That I'm sorry I couldn't have
+met you when you were looking your best."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Um! Do you think you could have borne it? We might go out
+there."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "On second thoughts, no. I shall ring to have them turn up
+the gas."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No; let me." He prevents her ringing, and going out into the
+space between the library and drawing-room, stands with his hand on the
+key of the gas-burner. "Now how do I look?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Beautiful."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, turning up the gas: "And now?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Not <em>half</em> so well. Decidedly pitch-darkness is becoming
+to you. Better turn it down again."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, rejoining her in the drawing-room: "No; it isn't so becoming
+to you; and I'm not envious, whatever I am."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You are generosity itself."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>Campbell: "If you come to phrases, I prefer magnanimity."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Well, <em>say</em> magnanimity. Won't you sit down&mdash;while you
+have the opportunity?" She sinks upon the sofa, and indicates with her
+fan an easy-chair at one end of it.</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, dropping into it: "Are there going to be so many?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell about five o'clock tea. There mayn't be
+more than half a dozen; there may be thirty or forty. But I wished to
+affect your imagination."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You had better have tried it in some other kind of weather.
+It's snowing like&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, running to the window, and peeping out through the side of
+the curtain: "It is! like&mdash;cats and dogs!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh no! You can't say that! It only rains that way. I was
+going to say it myself, but I stopped in time."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, standing before the window with clasped hands: "No matter!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+There will simply be nobody but bores. <em>They</em> come in any sort of
+weather."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Thank you, Mrs. Somers. I'm glad I ventured out."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, turning about: "What?" Then realizing the situation: "Oh,
+<em>poor</em> Mr. Campbell!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, don't mind <em>me</em>! I can stand it if you can. I belong to a
+sex, thank you, that doesn't pretend to have any tact. I would just as
+soon tell a man he was a bore as not. But I thought it might worry a
+lady, perhaps."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Worry? I'm simply aghast at it. Did you ever hear of
+anything worse?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, not much worse."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "What can I do to make you forget it?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I can't think of anything. It seems to me that I shall always
+remember it as the most fortunate speech a lady ever made to me&mdash;and
+they have said some flattering things to me in my time."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, don't be entirely heartless. Wouldn't a cup of tea
+blot it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> out? With a Peak &amp; Frean?" She advances beseechingly upon him.
+"Come, I will give you a cup at once."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No, thank you; I would rather have it with the rest of the
+bores. They'll be sure to come."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, resuming her seat on the sofa: "You are implacable. And I
+thought you said you were generous."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No; merely magnanimous. I can't forget your cruel frankness;
+but I know <em>you</em> can, and I ask you to do it." He throws himself back in
+his chair with a sigh. "And who knows? Perhaps you were right."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "About what?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "My being a bore."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I should think <em>you</em> would know."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No; that's the difficulty. Nobody would be a bore if he knew
+it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, <em>some</em> would, I think."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Do you mean me?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then. I don't believe you would be a bore, if
+you knew<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> it. Is that enough? or do you expect me to say something
+more?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No, it's quite enough, thank you." He remains pensively
+silent.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, after waiting for him to speak: "Bores for bores, don't you
+hate the silent ones most?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, desperately rousing himself: "Mrs. Somers, if you only knew
+how disagreeable I was going to make myself just before I concluded to
+hold my tongue!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Really? What were you going to say?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Do you actually wish to know?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh no; I only thought you wished to tell."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Not at all. You complained of my being silent."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Did I? I was wrong. I will never do so again." She laughs
+in her fan.</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "And I complain of your delay. You can tell me now, just as
+well as two weeks hence, whether you love me enough to marry me or
+not."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>Mrs. Somers: "You promised not to recur to that subject without some
+hint from me. You have broken your promise."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, you wouldn't give me any hint."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "How can I believe you care for me if you are false in
+this?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "It seems to me that my falsehood is another proof of my
+affection."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Very well, then; you can wait till I know my mind."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I'd rather know your heart. But I'll wait." After a pause:
+"Why do you carry a fan on a day like this? I ask, to make general
+conversation."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, spreading the fan in her lap, and looking at it curiously:
+"I don't know." After a moment: "Oh yes; for the same reason that I
+shall have ice-cream after dinner to-day."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "That's no reason at all." After a moment: "Are you going to
+have ice-cream to-day after dinner?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I might. If I had company."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>Campbell: "Oh, I couldn't stay after hinting. I'm too proud for that."
+He pulls his chair nearer and joins her in examining the fan in her lap.
+"What is so very strange about your fan?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. I was just seeing how a fan looked that was the
+subject of gratuitous criticism."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I didn't criticise the <em>fan</em>." He regards it studiously.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh! <em>Not</em> the fan?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No; I think it's extremely pretty. I like big fans."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "So good of you! It's Spanish. That's why it's so large."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "It's hand-painted, too."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, leaning back, and leaving him to the inspection of the fan:
+"You're a connoisseur, Mr. Campbell."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, I can tell hand-painting from machine-painting when I see
+it. 'Tisn't so good."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Thank you."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Not at all. Now, that fellow&mdash;cavalier, I suppose, in
+Spain&mdash;making love in that attitude, you can see at a glance that <em>he's</em>
+hand-painted. No<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> <em>machine</em>-painted cavalier would do it in that way.
+And look at the lady's hand. Who ever saw a hand of that size before?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, unclasping the hands which she had folded at her waist, and
+putting one of them out to take up the fan: "You said you were not
+criticising the fan."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, quickly seizing the hand, with the fan in it: "Ah, I'm wrong!
+Here's another one no bigger. Let me see which is the largest."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, struggling not very violently to free her hand: "Mr.
+Campbell!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Don't take it away! You must listen to me now, Amy."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, rising abruptly, and dropping her fan as she comes forward
+to meet an elderly gentleman arriving from the landing: "Mr. Bemis! How
+very heroic of you to come such a day! Isn't it too bad?"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span><a name="II" id="II"></a>II<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MR. BEMIS; MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS<br />
+CAMPBELL</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Bemis: "Not if it makes me specially welcome, Mrs. Somers." Discovering
+Campbell: "Oh, Mr. Campbell!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, striving for his self-possession as they shake hands: "Yes,
+another hero, Mr. Bemis. Mrs. Somers is going to brevet everybody who
+comes to-day. She didn't <em>say</em> heroes to me, but&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You shall have your tea at once, Mr. Bemis." She rings. "I
+was making Mr. Campbell wait for his. You don't order up the teapot for
+one hero."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! No, indeed! But I'm very glad you do for two. The
+fact is"&mdash;rubbing his hands&mdash;"I'm half frozen."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Is it so very cold?" To Campbell, who presents her fan
+with a bow: "Oh, thank you." To Mr. Bemis: "Mr. Campbell has just been
+objecting<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> to my fan. He doesn't like its being hand-painted, as he
+calls it."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "That reminds me of a California gentleman whom I found looking
+at an Andrea del Sarto in the Pitti Palace at Florence one
+day&mdash;by-the-way, <em>you've</em> been a Californian too, Mr. Campbell; but you
+won't mind. He seemed to be puzzled over it, and then he said to me&mdash;I
+was standing near him&mdash;'Hand-painted, I presume?'"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! How very good!" To the maid, who appears:
+"The tea, Lizzie."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You don't think he was joking?"</p>
+
+<p>Bemis, with misgiving: "Why, no, it never occurred to me that he was."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You can't always tell when a Californian's joking."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, with insinuation: "<em>Can't</em> you? Not even adoptive ones?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Adoptive ones never joke."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Not even about hand-painted fans? What an interesting
+fact!" She sits down on the sofa behind the lit<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>tle table on which the
+maid arranges the tea, and pours out a cup. Then, with her eyes on Mr.
+Bemis: "Cream and sugar both? Yes?" Holding a cube of sugar in the
+tongs: "How many?"</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "One, please."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, handing it to him: "I'm so glad you take your tea <em>au
+naturel</em>, as I call it."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "What do you call it when they don't take it with cream and
+sugar?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "<em>Au unnaturel.</em> There's only one thing worse: taking it
+with a slice of lemon in it. You might as well draw it from a bothersome
+samovar at once, and be done with it."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "The samovar is picturesque."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "It is insincere. Like Californians. Natives."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, I can think of something much worse than tea with lemon
+in it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "What?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No tea at all."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, recollecting herself: "Oh, <em>poor</em> Mr. Campbell! Two
+lumps?"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>Campbell: "One, thank you. Your pity is so sweet!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You ought to have thought of the milk of human kindness,
+and spared my cream-jug too."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You didn't pour out your compassion soon enough."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis, who has been sipping his tea in silent admiration: "Are you often
+able to keep it up in that way? I was fancying myself at the theatre."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, <em>don't</em> encore us! Mr. Campbell would keep saying his
+things over indefinitely."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, presenting his cup: "Another lump. It's turned bitter. <em>Two!</em>"</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! Very good&mdash;very good indeed!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Thank you kindly, Mr. Bemis."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, greeting the new arrivals, and leaning forward to shake
+hands with them as they come up, without rising: "Mrs. Roberts! How very
+good of you! And Mr. Roberts!"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span><a name="III" id="III"></a>III<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MR. and MRS. ROBERTS and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Roberts: "Not at all."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "Of course we were coming."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Will you have some tea? You see I'm installed already. Mr.
+Campbell was so greedy he wouldn't wait."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Mr. Bemis and I are here in the character of heroes, and we
+had to have our tea at once. You're a hero too, Roberts, though you
+don't look it. Any one who comes to tea in such weather is a hero, or
+a&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, interrupting him with a little shriek: "Ugh! How hot that
+handle's getting!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Ah, I dare say. Let me turn out my sister's cup." Pouring out
+the tea and handing it to Mrs. Roberts. "I don't see how you could
+reconcile it to your No. Eleven conscience to leave<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> your children in
+such a snow-storm as this, Agnes."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts, in vague alarm: "Why, what in the world could happen to
+them, Willis?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, nothing to <em>them</em>. But suppose Roberts got snowed under.
+Have some tea, Roberts?" He offers to pour out a cup.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, dispossessing him of the teapot with dignity: "Thank you,
+Mr. Campbell; <em>I</em> will pour out the tea."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, very well. I thought the handle was hot."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "It's cooler now."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "And you won't let me help you?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "When there are more people you may hand the tea."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I wish I knew just how much that meant."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Very little. As little as an adoptive Californian in his
+most earnest mood." While they talk&mdash;Campbell bending over the teapot,
+on which Mrs. Somers keeps her hand&mdash;the others form a little group
+apart.</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>Bemis, to Mrs. Roberts: "I hope Mr. Roberts's distinguished friend won't
+give us the slip on account of the storm."</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "Oh no; he'll be sure to come. He may be late. But he's the
+most amiable of Englishmen, and I know he won't disappoint Mrs. Somers."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "The most unamiable of Englishmen couldn't do that."</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "Ah, I don't know. Did you meet Mr. Pogis?"</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "No; what did he do?"</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "Why, he came&mdash;to the Hibbens's dinner&mdash;in a sack coat."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "I thought it was a Cardigan jacket."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "<em>I</em> heard a Norfolk jacket and knickerbockers."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Ah, there is Mrs. Curwen!" To Campbell, aside: "And
+without her husband!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Or any one else's husband."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "For shame!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You began it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, to Mrs. Curwen; who approaches her sofa: "You are kindness<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>
+itself, Mrs. Curwen, to come on such a day." The ladies press each
+other's hands.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. CURWEN and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "You are goodness in person, Mrs. Somers, to say so."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "And I am magnanimity embodied. Let me introduce myself, Mrs.
+Curwen!" He bows, and Mrs. Curwen deeply courtesies.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I should never have known you."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, melodramatically, to Mrs. Somers: "Tea, ho! for Mrs.
+Curwen&mdash;impenetrably disguised as kindness."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "What shall I say to him?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, pouring the tea: "Anything you like, Mrs. Curwen. Aren't we
+to see Mr. Curwen to-day?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen, taking her tea: "No, I'm his insufficient apology. He's
+detained at his office&mdash;business."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>Campbell: "Then you see they don't <em>all</em> come, Mrs. Somers."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "All what?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, all the&mdash;heroes."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Is that what he was going to say, Mrs. Somers?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell what he's going to say."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would be afraid of him."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, with a little shrug: "Oh no; he's quite harmless. It's just
+a little way he has." To Mr. and Mrs. Miller, Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Bemis,
+and Dr. Lawton, who all appear together: "Ah, how do you do? So glad to
+see you! So very kind of you! I didn't suppose <em>you</em> would venture out.
+And you too, Doctor?" She begins to pour out tea for them, one after
+another, with great zeal.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span><a name="V" id="V"></a>V<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>DR. LAWTON, MR. and MRS. MILLER, YOUNG<br />
+MR. and MRS. BEMIS, and the
+OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Dr. Lawton: "Yes, I too. It sounded very much as if I were Brutus also."
+He stirs his tea and stares round at the company. "It seems to me that I
+have met these conspirators before. That's what makes Boston
+insupportable. You're always meeting the same people!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "We all feel it as keenly as you do, Doctor."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton, looking sharply at him: "Oh! <em>you</em> here? I might have expected
+it. Where is your aunt?"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. CRASHAW and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw, appearing: "If you mean me, Dr. Lawton&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>Lawton: "I do, my dear friend. What company is complete without you?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, reaching forward to take her hand, while with her
+disengaged hand she begins to pour her a cup of tea: "None in <em>my</em>
+house."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw: "Very pretty." Taking her tea. "I hope it isn't complete,
+either, without the English painter you promised us."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "No, indeed! And a great many other people besides. But
+haven't you met him yet? I supposed Mrs. Roberts&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw: "Oh, I don't go to <em>all</em> of Agnes's fandangoes. I was to
+have seen him at Mrs. Wheeler's&mdash;he is being asked everywhere, of
+course&mdash;but he didn't come. He sent his father and mother instead. They
+were very nice old people, but they hadn't painted his pictures."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "They might say his pictures would never have been painted
+without them."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "It was like Heine's going to visit Rachel by appointment. She
+wasn't<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> in, but her father and mother were; and when he met her
+afterwards he told her that he had just come from a show where he had
+seen a curious monster advertised for exhibition&mdash;the offspring of a
+hare and a salmon. The monster was not to be seen at the moment, but the
+showman said here was monsieur the hare and madame the salmon."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "What in the world did Rachel say?"</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "Ah, that's what these brilliant anecdotes never tell. And I
+think it would be very interesting to know what the victim of a
+witticism has to say."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would know very often, Doctor."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "Ah, now I should like to know what the victim of a compliment
+says!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "He bows his thanks." Dr. Lawton makes a profound
+obeisance, to which Mrs. Curwen responds in burlesque.</p>
+
+<p>Miller: "We all envy you, Doctor."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Miller: "Oh yes. Mrs. Curwen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> never makes a compliment without
+meaning it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I can't say that quite, my dear. I should be very sorry to
+mean all the civil things I say. But I never flatter gentlemen of a
+certain age."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Miller, tittering ineffectively: "I shall know what to say to Mr.
+Miller after this."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw: "Well, if you haven't got the man, Mrs. Somers, you <em>have</em>
+got his picture, haven't you?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Yes; it's on my writing-desk in the library. Let me&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "No, no; don't disturb yourself! We wish to tear it to pieces
+without your embarrassing presence. Will you take my arm, Mrs. Crashaw?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Bemis: "Oh, let us all go and see it!"</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "Aren't you coming, Willis?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, without looking round: "Thank you, I've seen it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, whom the withdrawal of her other guests has left alone with
+him: "How could you tell such a fib?"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>Campbell: "I could tell much worse fibs than that in such a cause."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "What cause?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "A lost one, I'm afraid. Will you answer my question, Amy?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Did you ask me any?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You know I did&mdash;before those people came in."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, <em>that</em>! Yes. I should like to ask <em>you</em> a question
+first."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Twenty, if you like."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Why do you feel authorized to call me by my first name?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Because I love you. Now will you answer me?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, dreamily: "I didn't say I would, did I?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, rising, sadly: "No."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, mechanically taking the hand he offers her: "Oh! What&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I'm going; that's all."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "So soon?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Yes; but I'll try to make amends by not coming back soon&mdash;or
+at all."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Mustn't what?"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't keep my hand. Here come some more people. Ah,
+Mrs. Canfield! Miss Bayly! So very nice of you, Mrs. Wharton! Will you
+have some tea?"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="VII" id="VII"></a>VII<br />
+<br />
+<small><em><a name="campbell" id="campbell"></a><ins title="original had Mrs. Campbell">MRS. CANFIELD</ins>, MISS BAYLY, MRS.<br />
+WHARTON, and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Wharton: "No, thank you. The only objection to afternoon tea is the
+tea."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I'm so glad you don't mind the weather." With her hand on
+the teapot, glancing up at Miss Bayly: "And do you refuse too?"</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly: "I can answer for Mrs. Canfield that <em>she</em> doesn't, and I
+<em>never</em> do. <em>We</em> object to the weather."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, pouring a cup of tea: "That makes it a little more
+difficult. I can keep from offering Mrs. Wharton some tea, but I can't
+stop its snowing."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly, taking her cup: "But<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> you're so amiable; we know you would
+if you could, and that's quite enough. We're not the first and only, are
+we?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "<em>Dear</em>, no! There are multitudes of flattering spirits in
+the library, stopping the mouth of my portrait with pretty speeches."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly, vividly: "Not your <em>Bramford</em> portrait?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "My Bramford <em>portrait</em>."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly, to the other ladies: "Oh, let us go and see it too!" They
+flutter out of the drawing-room, where Mrs. Somers and Campbell remain
+alone together as before. He continues silent, while she waits for him
+to speak.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="VIII" id="VIII"></a>VIII<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, finally: "Well?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, what?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. Only I thought you were&mdash;you were going to&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p class="link"><a name="p32" id="p32"></a></p>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 581px;">
+<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="581" height="400" alt="&quot;MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: &#39;THAT MAKES IT A
+LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT&#39;&quot;" title="" />
+<span class="caption">&quot;MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: &#39;THAT MAKES IT A
+LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT&#39;&quot;</span>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>Campbell: "No; I've got nothing to say."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I didn't mean that. I thought you were going to&mdash;go." She
+puts up her hand and hides a triumphant little smile with it.</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Very well, then, I'll go, since you wish it." He holds out
+his hand.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, putting hers behind her: "You've shaken hands once.
+Besides, who said I wished you to go?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Do you wish me to stay?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I wish you to&mdash;hand tea to people."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "And you won't say anything more?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "It seems to me that's enough."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "It isn't enough for me. But I suppose beggars mustn't be
+choosers. I can't stay merely to hand tea to people, however. You can
+say yes or no now, Amy, as well as at any other time."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then&mdash;if you wish it so much."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You know I don't wish it."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>Mrs. Somers: "You gave me my choice. I thought you were indifferent
+about the word."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You know better than that, Amy."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Amy again! Aren't you a little previous, Mr. Campbell?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, with a sigh: "Ah, that's for you to say."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Wouldn't it be impolite?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell; "Oh, not for <em>you</em>."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "If you're so sarcastic, I shall be afraid of you."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Under what circumstances?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, dropping her eyes: "I don't know." He makes a rush upon
+her. "Oh! here comes Mrs. Curwen! Shake hands, as if you were going."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span><a name="IX" id="IX"></a>IX<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. CURWEN; MRS. SOMERS;<br />
+MR. CAMPBELL</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "What! is Mr. Campbell going, <em>too</em>?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Too? <em>You're</em> not going, Mrs. Curwen?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Yes, I'm going. The likeness is perfect, Mrs. Somers. It's
+a speaking likeness, if there ever was one."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Did it do all the talking?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "It would&mdash;if Mrs. Roberts and Dr. Lawton hadn't been
+there. Well, I must go."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "So must I."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, in surprise: "<em>Must</em> you?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Yes; these drifts will be over my ears directly."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "You poor man! You don't mean to say you're <em>walking</em>?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I shall be, in about half a minute."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Indeed you shall not!<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> You shall be driving&mdash;with me. I've
+a vacancy in the coupé, and I'll set you down wherever you like."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Won't it crowd you?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Not at all."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Or incommode you in any way?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "It will oblige me in every way."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Then I will go, and a thousand thanks. Good-by again, Mrs.
+Somers."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Good-by, Mrs. Somers. Poor Mrs. Somers! It seems too bad
+to leave you here alone, bowed in an elegiac attitude over your
+tea-urn."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, not at all! Remember me to <em>Mr.</em> Curwen."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I will. Well, Mr. Campbell&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Mr. Campbell&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "To which?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Both."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Neither!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! Mr. Campbell, do you know much about
+women?"</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>Campbell: "I had a mother."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Oh, a <em>mother</em> won't do."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, I have an only sister who is a woman."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "A sister won't do, <em>either</em>&mdash;not your own. You can't learn
+a woman's meaning in that way."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I will sit at your feet, Mrs. Curwen, if you'll instruct me."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "I shall be delighted. I'll begin now. Oh, you needn't
+really prostrate yourself!" She stops him in a burlesque attempt to do
+so. "And I'll concentrate the wisdom of the whole first lesson in a
+single word."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, with clasped hands of entreaty: "Speak, blessed ghost!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Curwen: "Stay! Ah! ha, ha, ha!" She flies at Mrs. Somers and kisses
+her. "You can't say I'm ill-natured, my dear, whatever I am!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, pursuing her exit with the word: "No, merely atrocious." A
+pause ensues, in which Campbell stands irresolute.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span><a name="X" id="X"></a>X<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Campbell, finally: "Did you wish me to stay, Amy?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, airily: "I? Oh no! It was Mrs. Curwen."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Then I think I'll accept her kind offer of a seat in her
+coupé."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh! I thought, of course, you'd stay&mdash;at <em>her</em> request."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No; I shall only stay at yours."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "And I shall not ask you. In fact, I warn you not to."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Why?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Because, if you urge me to speak now, I shall say&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I wasn't going to urge you."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "No matter! I shall say it now without being urged. Yes,
+I've made up my mind. I can't marry a flirt."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I can, Amy."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>Mrs. Somers: "Sir!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "You know very well you sent those people into the other room
+to keep me here and torment me&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "<em>Now</em> you've <em>insulted</em> me, and all <em>is</em> over."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "To tantalize me with your loveliness, your beauty, your
+grace, Amy!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, softening: "Oh, that's all very well&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "I'm glad you like it. I could go on at much greater length.
+But you know I love you dearly, Amy, and why should you delight in my
+agonies? But only marry me, and you shall delight in them as long as you
+live, and&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "You must hold me very cheap to think I would take you from
+that creature."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Confound her! I wasn't hers to give. I offered myself first."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "She offered you last, and&mdash;no, thank you, please."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Do you really mean it?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "I shall not say. Or, yes, I <em>will</em> say. If that woman, who
+seems to have you at her beck and call, had not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> intermeddled, I might
+have made you a very different answer. But now my eyes are opened, and I
+see what I should have to expect, and&mdash;no, thank you, please."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "And if she hadn't offered me&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, drawing out her handkerchief and putting it to her eyes: "I
+was feeling kindly towards you&mdash;I was such a little fool&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Amy!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "And you knew how much I disliked her."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Yes, I saw by the way you kissed each other."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! You knew that meant nothing. But if it had been
+anybody else in the world but her, I shouldn't have minded it. And
+now&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Now&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Now all those geese are coming back from the other room,
+and they'll see that I've been crying, and everybody will know
+everything. Willis&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "<em>Willis?</em>"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Let me go! I must<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> bathe my eyes! You stay here and
+receive them! I'll be back at once!" She escapes from the arms stretched
+towards her, and out of the door, just before her guests enter from the
+library, and Campbell remains to receive them. The ladies, in returning,
+call over one another's heads and shoulders.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><a name="XI" id="XI"></a>XI<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MR. CAMPBELL and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "Amy, it's <em>lovely</em>! But it doesn't <em>half</em> do you
+justice."</p>
+
+<p>Young Mrs. Bemis: "It's too sweet for <em>anything</em>, Mrs. Somers."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw: "Why did you let the man put you into that ridiculous
+seventeenth-century dress? Can't he paint a modern frock?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Wharton: "But what exquisite coloring, Mrs. Somers!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Miller: "He's got just your lovely turn of the head."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly: "And the way you hold<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> your fan&mdash;what character he's thrown
+into it!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "And that fall of the skirt, Amy; that skirt is <em>full</em> of
+character!" She discovers Mr. Campbell behind the tea-urn. He has Mrs.
+Somers's light wrap on his shoulders, and her fan in his hand, and he
+alternately hides his blushes with it, and coquettishly folds it and
+pats his mouth in a gross caricature of Mrs. Somers's manner. In rising
+he twitches his coat forward in a similar burlesque of a lady's
+management of her skirt. "Why, where is Amy, Willis?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Gone a moment. Some trouble about&mdash;the hot water."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "Hot water that you've been getting into? Ah, young man, look me
+in the eye!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Your glass one, Doctor?"</p>
+
+<p>Young Mr. Bemis: "Why, my dear, has your father got a glass eye?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Bemis: "Of <em>course</em> he hasn't! What an idea! I don't know what Mr.
+Campbell means."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "I've no doubt he wishes I had a glass eye&mdash;two of them, for
+that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> matter. But that isn't answering my question. Where is Mrs.
+Somers?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "That was my sister's question, and I did answer it. Have some
+tea, ladies? I'm glad you like my portrait, and that you think he's got
+my lovely turn of the head, and the way I hold my fan, and the character
+of my skirt; but I agree with you that it isn't half as pretty as I am."</p>
+
+<p>The Ladies: "Oh, what shall we do to him? Prescribe for us, Doctor."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "No, no! I want the Doctor's services myself. I don't want him
+to give me his medicines. I want him to give me away."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "You're tired of giving yourself away, then?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "It's of no use. They won't have me."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "Who won't?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Oh, I'll leave Mrs. Somers to say."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span><a name="XII" id="XII"></a>XII<br />
+<br />
+<small><em>MRS. SOMERS and the OTHERS</em></small></h2>
+
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, radiantly reappearing: "Say what?" She has hidden the
+traces of her tears from every one but the ladies by a light application
+of powder, and she knows that they all know she has been crying, and
+this makes her a little more smiling. "Say what?" She addresses the
+company in general rather than Campbell.</p>
+
+<p>Campbell, with caricatured tenderness: "Say yes."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "What does he mean, Doctor?"</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "Oh, I'm afraid he's past all surgery. I give him over to you,
+Mrs. Somers."</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "There, now. She wasn't the last to do it!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers, with the resolution of a widow: "Well, I suppose there's
+nothing else for it, then. I'll see what can be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> done for your patient,
+Doctor." She passes her hand through Campbell's arm, where he continues
+to stand behind the tea-table.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts, falling upon her and kissing her: "Amy, you don't <em>mean</em>
+it!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Bemis, embracing her in turn: "I never can believe it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Crashaw: "It is ridiculous! What, Willis?"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Miller: "It does seem too nice to be true."</p>
+
+<p>Bemis: "You astonish us!"</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "We never should have dreamed of it."</p>
+
+<p>Young Mr. Bemis: "You <em>must</em> give us time to realize it."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Wharton: "Is it <em>possible</em>?"</p>
+
+<p>Miss Bayly: "<em>Is</em> it possible?" They all shake hands with Mrs. Somers in
+turn.</p>
+
+<p>Roberts: "Isn't this rather sudden, Willis?"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, it is&mdash;for Mrs. Somers, perhaps. But <em>I've</em> found it
+awfully gradual."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! It's an old story for both of us."</p>
+
+<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>Campbell: "Well, what I like about it is, it's <em>true</em>. Founded on fact!"</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Roberts: "Really? I <em>can't</em> believe it!"</p>
+
+<p>Campbell: "Well, I don't know whom all this charming incredulity's
+intended to flatter, but if it's I, I say no, <em>not</em> really, at all! It's
+merely a little <em>coup de théâtre</em> we've been arranging."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton, patting him on the shoulder: "One ahead, as usual."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Somers: "Oh, thank you, Doctor! There are two of us ahead now."</p>
+
+<p>Lawton: "<em>I</em> believe you, at any rate. Bravo!" He initiates an applause
+in which all the rest join, while Campbell catches up Mrs. Somers's fan
+and unfurls it before both their faces.</p>
+
+
+<h3>THE END</h3>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<div id="books">
+
+<h2>Harper's "Black and White" Series.</h2>
+
+<p class="center">Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.</p>
+
+
+<p class="center"><em>LATEST ISSUES:</em></p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Five O'clock Tea.</span> Farce.
+By W. D. Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Mouse-trap.</span> Farce. By
+W. D. Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">A Likely Story.</span> Farce. By
+W. D. Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">This Picture and That.</span> A
+Comedy. By Brander Matthews.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Travels in America 100 Years
+Ago.</span> By Thomas Twining.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">My Year in a Log Cabin.</span> By
+William Dean Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Evening Dress.</span> A Farce. By
+William Dean Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Work of Washington
+Irving.</span> By Charles Dudley
+Warner.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Edwin Booth.</span> By Laurence
+Hutton.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Phillips Brooks.</span> By Rev.
+Arthur Brooks, D.D.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Decision of the Court.</span>
+A Comedy, By Brander Matthews.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">George William Curtis.</span> By
+John White Chadwick.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Unexpected Guests.</span> A
+Farce. By William Dean
+Howells.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Slavery and the Slave Trade
+In Africa.</span> By Henry M.
+Stanley.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Rivals.</span> By François
+Coppée.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Whittier: Notes of His Life
+And of His Friendships.</span> By
+Annie Fields.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">The Japanese Bride.</span> By
+Naomi Tamura.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Giles Corey, Yeoman.</span> By
+Mary E. Wilkins.</p>
+
+<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Coffee and Repartee.</span> By
+John Kendrick Bangs.</p>
+
+<p><em>For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers,
+postage prepaid, on receipt of price.</em></p>
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2><span class="smcap">By</span> WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS.</h2>
+
+<hr class="hr3" />
+
+<p class="hang">THE COAST OF BOHEMIA. Illustrated. 12mo,
+Cloth, $1&nbsp;50.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">THE WORLD OF CHANCE. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;50,
+Paper, 60 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">THE QUALITY OF MERCY. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;50,
+Paper, 75 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">AN IMPERATIVE DUTY. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;00;
+Paper, 50 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">A HAZARD OF NEW FORTUNES. 2 vols., 12mo,
+Cloth, $2&nbsp;00; 1&nbsp;vol., Illustrated, Paper, $1&nbsp;00.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">THE SHADOW OF A DREAM. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;00;
+Paper, 50 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">ANNIE KILBURN. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;50; Paper, 75
+cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">APRIL HOPES. 12mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;50; Paper, 75 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY, and Other Stories. Illustrated.
+Post 8vo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;25.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">A BOY'S TOWN. Illustrated. Post 8vo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;25.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">THE MOUSE-TRAP, and Other Farces. Illustrated.
+32mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;00.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">MY YEAR IN A LOG-CABIN. Illustrated. 32mo,
+Cloth, 50 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">A LITTLE SWISS SOJOURN. Illustrated. 32mo,
+Cloth, 50 cents.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">FARCES: <em>A Likely Story&mdash;The Mouse-Trap&mdash;Five
+O'Clock Tea&mdash;Evening Dress&mdash;The Unexpected Guests&mdash;A
+Letter of Introduction&mdash;The Albany Depot&mdash;The
+Garroters.</em> Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">CRITICISM AND FICTION. 16mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;00.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">MODERN ITALIAN POETS. 12mo, Cloth, $2&nbsp;00.</p>
+
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2>HARPER'S AMERICAN ESSAYISTS.</h2>
+
+<p class="center">With Portraits. 16mo, Cloth, $1&nbsp;00 each.</p>
+
+<hr class="hr3" />
+
+<p class="hang">LITERARY AND SOCIAL SILHOUETTES. By
+<span class="smcap">Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">STUDIES OF THE STAGE. By <span class="smcap">Brander Matthews</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">AMERICANISMS AND BRITICISMS, with Other
+Essays on Other Isms. By <span class="smcap">Brander Matthews</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">AS WE GO. By <span class="smcap">Charles Dudley Warner</span>. With
+Illustrations.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">AS WE WERE SAYING. By <span class="smcap">Charles Dudley
+Warner</span>. With Illustrations.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">FROM THE EASY CHAIR. By <span class="smcap">George William
+Curtis</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">FROM THE EASY CHAIR. <em>Second Series.</em> By
+<span class="smcap">George William Curtis</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">FROM THE EASY CHAIR. <em>Third Series.</em> By
+<span class="smcap">George William Curtis</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">CRITICISM AND FICTION. By <span class="smcap">William Dean
+Howells</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">FROM THE BOOKS OF LAURENCE HUTTON.
+CONCERNING ALL OF US. By <span class="smcap">Thomas Wentworth
+Higginson</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">THE WORK OF JOHN RUSKIN. By <span class="smcap">Charles
+Waldstein</span>.</p>
+
+<p class="hang">PICTURE AND TEXT. By <span class="smcap">Henry James</span>. With
+Illustrations.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center"><strong><span class="smcap">Published by</span> HARPER &amp; BROTHERS, <span class="smcap">New York</span></strong>.</p>
+
+<div class="figleft">
+<img src="images/hand.jpg" width="50" height="30" alt="Pointing hand" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p class="noi"><em>For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers,
+postage prepaid, to any part of the United States, Canada,
+or Mexico, on receipt of the price.</em></p>
+
+</div>
+
+<hr class="hr2" />
+
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 399px;">
+<img src="images/bcover2.jpg" width="399" height="591" alt="Back Cover" title="" />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+***** This file should be named 27709-h.htm or 27709-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/7/0/27709/
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/27709-h/images/bcover2.jpg b/27709-h/images/bcover2.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..bde353c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/bcover2.jpg
diff --git a/27709-h/images/cover.jpg b/27709-h/images/cover.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c34dd3e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/cover.jpg
diff --git a/27709-h/images/front.jpg b/27709-h/images/front.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..04d3601
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/front.jpg
diff --git a/27709-h/images/hand.jpg b/27709-h/images/hand.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5342699
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/hand.jpg
diff --git a/27709-h/images/i001.jpg b/27709-h/images/i001.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4b429bd
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/i001.jpg
diff --git a/27709-h/images/logo.jpg b/27709-h/images/logo.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d2526f0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-h/images/logo.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/c0001-image1.jpg b/27709-page-images/c0001-image1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4de0fa8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/c0001-image1.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/c0002-image1.jpg b/27709-page-images/c0002-image1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..72b2128
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/c0002-image1.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/f0001.png b/27709-page-images/f0001.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c0a7f43
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/f0001.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/f0002-image1.jpg b/27709-page-images/f0002-image1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..75c5d86
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/f0002-image1.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/f0003-image1.jpg b/27709-page-images/f0003-image1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1e2bf02
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/f0003-image1.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/f0003.png b/27709-page-images/f0003.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1abede9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/f0003.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/f0005.png b/27709-page-images/f0005.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1b5fda9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/f0005.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0007.png b/27709-page-images/p0007.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..985b361
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0007.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0008.png b/27709-page-images/p0008.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..61a8920
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0008.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0009.png b/27709-page-images/p0009.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4188864
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0009.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0010.png b/27709-page-images/p0010.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e657053
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0010.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0011.png b/27709-page-images/p0011.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1a78c16
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0011.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0012.png b/27709-page-images/p0012.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ada79ce
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0012.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0013.png b/27709-page-images/p0013.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..69abeef
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0013.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0014.png b/27709-page-images/p0014.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c6eed6a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0014.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0015.png b/27709-page-images/p0015.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..bd2f080
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0015.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0016.png b/27709-page-images/p0016.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3d7ee30
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0016.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0017.png b/27709-page-images/p0017.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5007aa0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0017.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0018.png b/27709-page-images/p0018.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..94786ef
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0018.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0019.png b/27709-page-images/p0019.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8f60eb9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0019.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0020.png b/27709-page-images/p0020.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0634f24
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0020.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0021.png b/27709-page-images/p0021.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..30e8c40
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0021.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0022.png b/27709-page-images/p0022.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4793e25
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0022.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0023.png b/27709-page-images/p0023.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8d21932
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0023.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0024.png b/27709-page-images/p0024.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c7e5f14
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0024.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0025.png b/27709-page-images/p0025.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a1eea94
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0025.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0026.png b/27709-page-images/p0026.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6ea3890
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0026.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0027.png b/27709-page-images/p0027.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3d44e09
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0027.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0028.png b/27709-page-images/p0028.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6b880cb
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0028.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0029.png b/27709-page-images/p0029.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1bd52d1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0029.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0030.png b/27709-page-images/p0030.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c177f5b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0030.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0031.png b/27709-page-images/p0031.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5cbb869
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0031.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0032-insert1.jpg b/27709-page-images/p0032-insert1.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1d0cd94
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0032-insert1.jpg
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0032.png b/27709-page-images/p0032.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..12f10aa
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0032.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0033.png b/27709-page-images/p0033.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..56ff069
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0033.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0034.png b/27709-page-images/p0034.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2097c66
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0034.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0035.png b/27709-page-images/p0035.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e9b5a50
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0035.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0036.png b/27709-page-images/p0036.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b5b5cae
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0036.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0037.png b/27709-page-images/p0037.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5fd957a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0037.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0038.png b/27709-page-images/p0038.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c2f9b41
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0038.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0039.png b/27709-page-images/p0039.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..77838ce
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0039.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0040.png b/27709-page-images/p0040.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d7056c5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0040.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0041.png b/27709-page-images/p0041.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6cb3f90
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0041.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0042.png b/27709-page-images/p0042.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f7b6e0f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0042.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0043.png b/27709-page-images/p0043.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c36613f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0043.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0044.png b/27709-page-images/p0044.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9ee70b0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0044.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0045.png b/27709-page-images/p0045.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f48bec0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0045.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/p0046.png b/27709-page-images/p0046.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..536d4b3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/p0046.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/q0001.png b/27709-page-images/q0001.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..87b3843
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/q0001.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/r0001.png b/27709-page-images/r0001.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4b41853
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/r0001.png
diff --git a/27709-page-images/r0002.png b/27709-page-images/r0002.png
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cbf71c6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709-page-images/r0002.png
diff --git a/27709.txt b/27709.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..97bc525
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1620 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Five O'Clock Tea
+       Farce
+
+Author: W. D. Howells
+
+Release Date: January 5, 2009 [EBook #27709]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+    +----------------------------------------------------------+
+    | Transcriber's Note:                                      |
+    |                                                          |
+    | On page 31, in the list of characters, Mrs. Campbell has |
+    | been changed to Mrs. Canfield.                           |
+    +----------------------------------------------------------+
+
+
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+HARPER'S BLACK & WHITE SERIES
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "'WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?'"]
+
+
+    FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+    Farce
+
+    BY
+    W. D. HOWELLS
+
+    ILLUSTRATED
+
+    NEW YORK
+    HARPER AND BROTHERS
+    1894
+
+    Copyright, 1894, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
+    Copyright, 1885, by HARPER & BROTHERS.
+    Copyright, 1885, by W. D. HOWELLS.
+
+    _All rights reserved._
+
+
+
+
+ILLUSTRATIONS
+
+    "'WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION, AMY?'"            _Frontispiece_
+
+    "MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: 'THAT
+       MAKES IT A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT'"          _Facing page 32_
+
+
+
+
+FIVE O'CLOCK TEA
+
+I
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Amy Somers, in a lightly floating tea-gown of singularly becoming
+texture and color, employs the last moments of expectance before the
+arrival of her guests in marching up and down in front of the mirror
+which fills the space between the long windows of her drawing-room,
+looking over either shoulder for different effects of the drifting and
+eddying train, and advancing upon her image with certain little bobs
+and bows, and retreating from it with a variety of fan practice and
+elaborated courtesies, finally degenerating into burlesque, and a
+series of grimaces and "mouths" made at the responsive reflex. In the
+fascination of this amusement she is first ignorant, and then aware, of
+the presence of Mr. Willis Campbell, who on the landing space between
+the drawing-room and the library stands, hat in hand, in the pleased
+contemplation of Mrs. Somers's manoeuvres and contortions as the mirror
+reports them to him. Mrs. Somers does not permit herself the slightest
+start on seeing him in the glass, but turns deliberately away, having
+taken time to prepare the air of gratification and surprise with which
+she greets him at half the length of the drawing-room.
+
+Mrs. Somers, giving her hand: "Why, Mr. Campbell! How very nice of you!
+How long have you been prowling about there on the landing? So stupid of
+them not to have turned up the gas!"
+
+Campbell: "I wasn't much incommoded. That sort of pitch-darkness is
+rather becoming to my style of beauty, I find. The only objection was
+that I couldn't see you."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Do you often make those pretty speeches?"
+
+Campbell: "When I can found them on fact."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What can I say back? Oh! That I'm sorry I couldn't have
+met you when you were looking your best."
+
+Campbell: "Um! Do you think you could have borne it? We might go out
+there."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "On second thoughts, no. I shall ring to have them turn up
+the gas."
+
+Campbell: "No; let me." He prevents her ringing, and going out into the
+space between the library and drawing-room, stands with his hand on the
+key of the gas-burner. "Now how do I look?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Beautiful."
+
+Campbell, turning up the gas: "And now?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Not _half_ so well. Decidedly pitch-darkness is becoming
+to you. Better turn it down again."
+
+Campbell, rejoining her in the drawing-room: "No; it isn't so becoming
+to you; and I'm not envious, whatever I am."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You are generosity itself."
+
+Campbell: "If you come to phrases, I prefer magnanimity."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, _say_ magnanimity. Won't you sit down--while you
+have the opportunity?" She sinks upon the sofa, and indicates with her
+fan an easy-chair at one end of it.
+
+Campbell, dropping into it: "Are there going to be so many?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell about five o'clock tea. There mayn't be
+more than half a dozen; there may be thirty or forty. But I wished to
+affect your imagination."
+
+Campbell: "You had better have tried it in some other kind of weather.
+It's snowing like--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, running to the window, and peeping out through the side of
+the curtain: "It is! like--cats and dogs!"
+
+Campbell: "Oh no! You can't say that! It only rains that way. I was
+going to say it myself, but I stopped in time."
+
+Mrs. Somers, standing before the window with clasped hands: "No matter!
+There will simply be nobody but bores. _They_ come in any sort of
+weather."
+
+Campbell: "Thank you, Mrs. Somers. I'm glad I ventured out."
+
+Mrs. Somers, turning about: "What?" Then realizing the situation: "Oh,
+_poor_ Mr. Campbell!"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, don't mind _me_! I can stand it if you can. I belong to a
+sex, thank you, that doesn't pretend to have any tact. I would just as
+soon tell a man he was a bore as not. But I thought it might worry a
+lady, perhaps."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Worry? I'm simply aghast at it. Did you ever hear of
+anything worse?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, not much worse."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What can I do to make you forget it?"
+
+Campbell: "I can't think of anything. It seems to me that I shall always
+remember it as the most fortunate speech a lady ever made to me--and
+they have said some flattering things to me in my time."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, don't be entirely heartless. Wouldn't a cup of tea
+blot it out? With a Peak & Frean?" She advances beseechingly upon him.
+"Come, I will give you a cup at once."
+
+Campbell: "No, thank you; I would rather have it with the rest of the
+bores. They'll be sure to come."
+
+Mrs. Somers, resuming her seat on the sofa: "You are implacable. And I
+thought you said you were generous."
+
+Campbell: "No; merely magnanimous. I can't forget your cruel frankness;
+but I know _you_ can, and I ask you to do it." He throws himself back in
+his chair with a sigh. "And who knows? Perhaps you were right."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "About what?"
+
+Campbell: "My being a bore."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I should think _you_ would know."
+
+Campbell: "No; that's the difficulty. Nobody would be a bore if he knew
+it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _some_ would, I think."
+
+Campbell: "Do you mean me?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then. I don't believe you would be a bore, if
+you knew it. Is that enough? or do you expect me to say something
+more?"
+
+Campbell: "No, it's quite enough, thank you." He remains pensively
+silent.
+
+Mrs. Somers, after waiting for him to speak: "Bores for bores, don't you
+hate the silent ones most?"
+
+Campbell, desperately rousing himself: "Mrs. Somers, if you only knew
+how disagreeable I was going to make myself just before I concluded to
+hold my tongue!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Really? What were you going to say?"
+
+Campbell: "Do you actually wish to know?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh no; I only thought you wished to tell."
+
+Campbell: "Not at all. You complained of my being silent."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Did I? I was wrong. I will never do so again." She laughs
+in her fan.
+
+Campbell: "And I complain of your delay. You can tell me now, just as
+well as two weeks hence, whether you love me enough to marry me or
+not."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You promised not to recur to that subject without some
+hint from me. You have broken your promise."
+
+Campbell: "Well, you wouldn't give me any hint."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "How can I believe you care for me if you are false in
+this?"
+
+Campbell: "It seems to me that my falsehood is another proof of my
+affection."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Very well, then; you can wait till I know my mind."
+
+Campbell: "I'd rather know your heart. But I'll wait." After a pause:
+"Why do you carry a fan on a day like this? I ask, to make general
+conversation."
+
+Mrs. Somers, spreading the fan in her lap, and looking at it curiously:
+"I don't know." After a moment: "Oh yes; for the same reason that I
+shall have ice-cream after dinner to-day."
+
+Campbell: "That's no reason at all." After a moment: "Are you going to
+have ice-cream to-day after dinner?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I might. If I had company."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I couldn't stay after hinting. I'm too proud for that."
+He pulls his chair nearer and joins her in examining the fan in her lap.
+"What is so very strange about your fan?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. I was just seeing how a fan looked that was the
+subject of gratuitous criticism."
+
+Campbell: "I didn't criticise the _fan_." He regards it studiously.
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh! _Not_ the fan?"
+
+Campbell: "No; I think it's extremely pretty. I like big fans."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "So good of you! It's Spanish. That's why it's so large."
+
+Campbell: "It's hand-painted, too."
+
+Mrs. Somers, leaning back, and leaving him to the inspection of the fan:
+"You're a connoisseur, Mr. Campbell."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I can tell hand-painting from machine-painting when I see
+it. 'Tisn't so good."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Thank you."
+
+Campbell: "Not at all. Now, that fellow--cavalier, I suppose, in
+Spain--making love in that attitude, you can see at a glance that _he's_
+hand-painted. No _machine_-painted cavalier would do it in that way.
+And look at the lady's hand. Who ever saw a hand of that size before?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, unclasping the hands which she had folded at her waist, and
+putting one of them out to take up the fan: "You said you were not
+criticising the fan."
+
+Campbell, quickly seizing the hand, with the fan in it: "Ah, I'm wrong!
+Here's another one no bigger. Let me see which is the largest."
+
+Mrs. Somers, struggling not very violently to free her hand: "Mr.
+Campbell!"
+
+Campbell: "Don't take it away! You must listen to me now, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers, rising abruptly, and dropping her fan as she comes forward
+to meet an elderly gentleman arriving from the landing: "Mr. Bemis! How
+very heroic of you to come such a day! Isn't it too bad?"
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+_MR. BEMIS; MRS. SOMERS; MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Bemis: "Not if it makes me specially welcome, Mrs. Somers." Discovering
+Campbell: "Oh, Mr. Campbell!"
+
+Campbell, striving for his self-possession as they shake hands: "Yes,
+another hero, Mr. Bemis. Mrs. Somers is going to brevet everybody who
+comes to-day. She didn't _say_ heroes to me, but--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You shall have your tea at once, Mr. Bemis." She rings. "I
+was making Mr. Campbell wait for his. You don't order up the teapot for
+one hero."
+
+Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! No, indeed! But I'm very glad you do for two. The
+fact is"--rubbing his hands--"I'm half frozen."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Is it so very cold?" To Campbell, who presents her fan
+with a bow: "Oh, thank you." To Mr. Bemis: "Mr. Campbell has just been
+objecting to my fan. He doesn't like its being hand-painted, as he
+calls it."
+
+Bemis: "That reminds me of a California gentleman whom I found looking
+at an Andrea del Sarto in the Pitti Palace at Florence one
+day--by-the-way, _you've_ been a Californian too, Mr. Campbell; but you
+won't mind. He seemed to be puzzled over it, and then he said to me--I
+was standing near him--'Hand-painted, I presume?'"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! How very good!" To the maid, who appears:
+"The tea, Lizzie."
+
+Campbell: "You don't think he was joking?"
+
+Bemis, with misgiving: "Why, no, it never occurred to me that he was."
+
+Campbell: "You can't always tell when a Californian's joking."
+
+Mrs. Somers, with insinuation: "_Can't_ you? Not even adoptive ones?"
+
+Campbell: "Adoptive ones never joke."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Not even about hand-painted fans? What an interesting
+fact!" She sits down on the sofa behind the little table on which the
+maid arranges the tea, and pours out a cup. Then, with her eyes on Mr.
+Bemis: "Cream and sugar both? Yes?" Holding a cube of sugar in the
+tongs: "How many?"
+
+Bemis: "One, please."
+
+Mrs. Somers, handing it to him: "I'm so glad you take your tea _au
+naturel_, as I call it."
+
+Campbell: "What do you call it when they don't take it with cream and
+sugar?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Au unnaturel._ There's only one thing worse: taking it
+with a slice of lemon in it. You might as well draw it from a bothersome
+samovar at once, and be done with it."
+
+Campbell: "The samovar is picturesque."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It is insincere. Like Californians. Natives."
+
+Campbell: "Well, I can think of something much worse than tea with lemon
+in it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What?"
+
+Campbell: "No tea at all."
+
+Mrs. Somers, recollecting herself: "Oh, _poor_ Mr. Campbell! Two
+lumps?"
+
+Campbell: "One, thank you. Your pity is so sweet!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You ought to have thought of the milk of human kindness,
+and spared my cream-jug too."
+
+Campbell: "You didn't pour out your compassion soon enough."
+
+Bemis, who has been sipping his tea in silent admiration: "Are you often
+able to keep it up in that way? I was fancying myself at the theatre."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _don't_ encore us! Mr. Campbell would keep saying his
+things over indefinitely."
+
+Campbell, presenting his cup: "Another lump. It's turned bitter. _Two!_"
+
+Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! Very good--very good indeed!"
+
+Campbell: "Thank you kindly, Mr. Bemis."
+
+Mrs. Somers, greeting the new arrivals, and leaning forward to shake
+hands with them as they come up, without rising: "Mrs. Roberts! How very
+good of you! And Mr. Roberts!"
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+_MR. and MRS. ROBERTS and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Roberts: "Not at all."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Of course we were coming."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Will you have some tea? You see I'm installed already. Mr.
+Campbell was so greedy he wouldn't wait."
+
+Campbell: "Mr. Bemis and I are here in the character of heroes, and we
+had to have our tea at once. You're a hero too, Roberts, though you
+don't look it. Any one who comes to tea in such weather is a hero, or
+a--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, interrupting him with a little shriek: "Ugh! How hot that
+handle's getting!"
+
+Campbell: "Ah, I dare say. Let me turn out my sister's cup." Pouring out
+the tea and handing it to Mrs. Roberts. "I don't see how you could
+reconcile it to your No. Eleven conscience to leave your children in
+such a snow-storm as this, Agnes."
+
+Mrs. Roberts, in vague alarm: "Why, what in the world could happen to
+them, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, nothing to _them_. But suppose Roberts got snowed under.
+Have some tea, Roberts?" He offers to pour out a cup.
+
+Mrs. Somers, dispossessing him of the teapot with dignity: "Thank you,
+Mr. Campbell; _I_ will pour out the tea."
+
+Campbell: "Oh, very well. I thought the handle was hot."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It's cooler now."
+
+Campbell: "And you won't let me help you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "When there are more people you may hand the tea."
+
+Campbell: "I wish I knew just how much that meant."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Very little. As little as an adoptive Californian in his
+most earnest mood." While they talk--Campbell bending over the teapot,
+on which Mrs. Somers keeps her hand--the others form a little group
+apart.
+
+Bemis, to Mrs. Roberts: "I hope Mr. Roberts's distinguished friend won't
+give us the slip on account of the storm."
+
+Roberts: "Oh no; he'll be sure to come. He may be late. But he's the
+most amiable of Englishmen, and I know he won't disappoint Mrs. Somers."
+
+Bemis: "The most unamiable of Englishmen couldn't do that."
+
+Roberts: "Ah, I don't know. Did you meet Mr. Pogis?"
+
+Bemis: "No; what did he do?"
+
+Roberts: "Why, he came--to the Hibbens's dinner--in a sack coat."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "I thought it was a Cardigan jacket."
+
+Bemis: "_I_ heard a Norfolk jacket and knickerbockers."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Ah, there is Mrs. Curwen!" To Campbell, aside: "And
+without her husband!"
+
+Campbell: "Or any one else's husband."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "For shame!"
+
+Campbell: "You began it."
+
+Mrs. Somers, to Mrs. Curwen; who approaches her sofa: "You are kindness
+itself, Mrs. Curwen, to come on such a day." The ladies press each
+other's hands.
+
+
+
+
+IV
+
+_MRS. CURWEN and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "You are goodness in person, Mrs. Somers, to say so."
+
+Campbell: "And I am magnanimity embodied. Let me introduce myself, Mrs.
+Curwen!" He bows, and Mrs. Curwen deeply courtesies.
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should never have known you."
+
+Campbell, melodramatically, to Mrs. Somers: "Tea, ho! for Mrs.
+Curwen--impenetrably disguised as kindness."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "What shall I say to him?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, pouring the tea: "Anything you like, Mrs. Curwen. Aren't we
+to see Mr. Curwen to-day?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen, taking her tea: "No, I'm his insufficient apology. He's
+detained at his office--business."
+
+Campbell: "Then you see they don't _all_ come, Mrs. Somers."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "All what?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, all the--heroes."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Is that what he was going to say, Mrs. Somers?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell what he's going to say."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would be afraid of him."
+
+Mrs. Somers, with a little shrug: "Oh no; he's quite harmless. It's just
+a little way he has." To Mr. and Mrs. Miller, Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Bemis,
+and Dr. Lawton, who all appear together: "Ah, how do you do? So glad to
+see you! So very kind of you! I didn't suppose _you_ would venture out.
+And you too, Doctor?" She begins to pour out tea for them, one after
+another, with great zeal.
+
+
+
+
+V
+
+_DR. LAWTON, MR. and MRS. MILLER, YOUNG MR. and MRS. BEMIS,
+and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Dr. Lawton: "Yes, I too. It sounded very much as if I were Brutus also."
+He stirs his tea and stares round at the company. "It seems to me that I
+have met these conspirators before. That's what makes Boston
+insupportable. You're always meeting the same people!"
+
+Campbell: "We all feel it as keenly as you do, Doctor."
+
+Lawton, looking sharply at him: "Oh! _you_ here? I might have expected
+it. Where is your aunt?"
+
+
+
+
+VI
+
+_MRS. CRASHAW and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Crashaw, appearing: "If you mean me, Dr. Lawton--"
+
+Lawton: "I do, my dear friend. What company is complete without you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, reaching forward to take her hand, while with her
+disengaged hand she begins to pour her a cup of tea: "None in _my_
+house."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Very pretty." Taking her tea. "I hope it isn't complete,
+either, without the English painter you promised us."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "No, indeed! And a great many other people besides. But
+haven't you met him yet? I supposed Mrs. Roberts--"
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Oh, I don't go to _all_ of Agnes's fandangoes. I was to
+have seen him at Mrs. Wheeler's--he is being asked everywhere, of
+course--but he didn't come. He sent his father and mother instead. They
+were very nice old people, but they hadn't painted his pictures."
+
+Lawton: "They might say his pictures would never have been painted
+without them."
+
+Bemis: "It was like Heine's going to visit Rachel by appointment. She
+wasn't in, but her father and mother were; and when he met her
+afterwards he told her that he had just come from a show where he had
+seen a curious monster advertised for exhibition--the offspring of a
+hare and a salmon. The monster was not to be seen at the moment, but the
+showman said here was monsieur the hare and madame the salmon."
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "What in the world did Rachel say?"
+
+Lawton: "Ah, that's what these brilliant anecdotes never tell. And I
+think it would be very interesting to know what the victim of a
+witticism has to say."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I should think you would know very often, Doctor."
+
+Lawton: "Ah, now I should like to know what the victim of a compliment
+says!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "He bows his thanks." Dr. Lawton makes a profound
+obeisance, to which Mrs. Curwen responds in burlesque.
+
+Miller: "We all envy you, Doctor."
+
+Mrs. Miller: "Oh yes. Mrs. Curwen never makes a compliment without
+meaning it."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I can't say that quite, my dear. I should be very sorry to
+mean all the civil things I say. But I never flatter gentlemen of a
+certain age."
+
+Mrs. Miller, tittering ineffectively: "I shall know what to say to Mr.
+Miller after this."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Well, if you haven't got the man, Mrs. Somers, you _have_
+got his picture, haven't you?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Yes; it's on my writing-desk in the library. Let me--"
+
+Lawton: "No, no; don't disturb yourself! We wish to tear it to pieces
+without your embarrassing presence. Will you take my arm, Mrs. Crashaw?"
+
+Mrs. Bemis: "Oh, let us all go and see it!"
+
+Roberts: "Aren't you coming, Willis?"
+
+Campbell, without looking round: "Thank you, I've seen it."
+
+Mrs. Somers, whom the withdrawal of her other guests has left alone with
+him: "How could you tell such a fib?"
+
+Campbell: "I could tell much worse fibs than that in such a cause."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What cause?"
+
+Campbell: "A lost one, I'm afraid. Will you answer my question, Amy?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Did you ask me any?"
+
+Campbell: "You know I did--before those people came in."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _that_! Yes. I should like to ask _you_ a question
+first."
+
+Campbell: "Twenty, if you like."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Why do you feel authorized to call me by my first name?"
+
+Campbell: "Because I love you. Now will you answer me?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, dreamily: "I didn't say I would, did I?"
+
+Campbell, rising, sadly: "No."
+
+Mrs. Somers, mechanically taking the hand he offers her: "Oh! What--"
+
+Campbell: "I'm going; that's all."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "So soon?"
+
+Campbell: "Yes; but I'll try to make amends by not coming back soon--or
+at all."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't!"
+
+Campbell: "Mustn't what?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You mustn't keep my hand. Here come some more people. Ah,
+Mrs. Canfield! Miss Bayly! So very nice of you, Mrs. Wharton! Will you
+have some tea?"
+
+
+
+
+VII
+
+_MRS. CANFIELD, MISS BAYLY, MRS. WHARTON, and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "No, thank you. The only objection to afternoon tea is the
+tea."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I'm so glad you don't mind the weather." With her hand on
+the teapot, glancing up at Miss Bayly: "And do you refuse too?"
+
+Miss Bayly: "I can answer for Mrs. Canfield that _she_ doesn't, and I
+_never_ do. _We_ object to the weather."
+
+Mrs. Somers, pouring a cup of tea: "That makes it a little more
+difficult. I can keep from offering Mrs. Wharton some tea, but I can't
+stop its snowing."
+
+Miss Bayly, taking her cup: "But you're so amiable; we know you would
+if you could, and that's quite enough. We're not the first and only, are
+we?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Dear_, no! There are multitudes of flattering spirits in
+the library, stopping the mouth of my portrait with pretty speeches."
+
+Miss Bayly, vividly: "Not your _Bramford_ portrait?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "My Bramford _portrait_."
+
+Miss Bayly, to the other ladies: "Oh, let us go and see it too!" They
+flutter out of the drawing-room, where Mrs. Somers and Campbell remain
+alone together as before. He continues silent, while she waits for him
+to speak.
+
+[Illustration: "MRS. SOMERS, POURING A CUP OF TEA: 'THAT MAKES IT A
+LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT'"]
+
+
+
+
+VIII
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Somers, finally: "Well?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, what?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nothing. Only I thought you were--you were going to--"
+
+Campbell: "No; I've got nothing to say."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I didn't mean that. I thought you were going to--go." She
+puts up her hand and hides a triumphant little smile with it.
+
+Campbell: "Very well, then, I'll go, since you wish it." He holds out
+his hand.
+
+Mrs. Somers, putting hers behind her: "You've shaken hands once.
+Besides, who said I wished you to go?"
+
+Campbell: "Do you wish me to stay?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I wish you to--hand tea to people."
+
+Campbell: "And you won't say anything more?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "It seems to me that's enough."
+
+Campbell: "It isn't enough for me. But I suppose beggars mustn't be
+choosers. I can't stay merely to hand tea to people, however. You can
+say yes or no now, Amy, as well as at any other time."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Well, no, then--if you wish it so much."
+
+Campbell: "You know I don't wish it."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You gave me my choice. I thought you were indifferent
+about the word."
+
+Campbell: "You know better than that, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Amy again! Aren't you a little previous, Mr. Campbell?"
+
+Campbell, with a sigh: "Ah, that's for you to say."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Wouldn't it be impolite?"
+
+Campbell; "Oh, not for _you_."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "If you're so sarcastic, I shall be afraid of you."
+
+Campbell: "Under what circumstances?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, dropping her eyes: "I don't know." He makes a rush upon
+her. "Oh! here comes Mrs. Curwen! Shake hands, as if you were going."
+
+
+
+
+IX
+
+_MRS. CURWEN; MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "What! is Mr. Campbell going, _too_?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Too? _You're_ not going, Mrs. Curwen?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Yes, I'm going. The likeness is perfect, Mrs. Somers. It's
+a speaking likeness, if there ever was one."
+
+Campbell: "Did it do all the talking?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "It would--if Mrs. Roberts and Dr. Lawton hadn't been
+there. Well, I must go."
+
+Campbell: "So must I."
+
+Mrs. Somers, in surprise: "_Must_ you?"
+
+Campbell: "Yes; these drifts will be over my ears directly."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "You poor man! You don't mean to say you're _walking_?"
+
+Campbell: "I shall be, in about half a minute."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Indeed you shall not! You shall be driving--with me. I've
+a vacancy in the coupe, and I'll set you down wherever you like."
+
+Campbell: "Won't it crowd you?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Not at all."
+
+Campbell: "Or incommode you in any way?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "It will oblige me in every way."
+
+Campbell: "Then I will go, and a thousand thanks. Good-by again, Mrs.
+Somers."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Good-by, Mrs. Somers. Poor Mrs. Somers! It seems too bad
+to leave you here alone, bowed in an elegiac attitude over your
+tea-urn."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, not at all! Remember me to _Mr._ Curwen."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I will. Well, Mr. Campbell--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Mr. Campbell--"
+
+Campbell: "Well?"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "To which?"
+
+Campbell: "Both."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Neither!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Ah! ha, ha, ha! Mr. Campbell, do you know much about
+women?"
+
+Campbell: "I had a mother."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Oh, a _mother_ won't do."
+
+Campbell: "Well, I have an only sister who is a woman."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "A sister won't do, _either_--not your own. You can't learn
+a woman's meaning in that way."
+
+Campbell: "I will sit at your feet, Mrs. Curwen, if you'll instruct me."
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "I shall be delighted. I'll begin now. Oh, you needn't
+really prostrate yourself!" She stops him in a burlesque attempt to do
+so. "And I'll concentrate the wisdom of the whole first lesson in a
+single word."
+
+Campbell, with clasped hands of entreaty: "Speak, blessed ghost!"
+
+Mrs. Curwen: "Stay! Ah! ha, ha, ha!" She flies at Mrs. Somers and kisses
+her. "You can't say I'm ill-natured, my dear, whatever I am!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, pursuing her exit with the word: "No, merely atrocious." A
+pause ensues, in which Campbell stands irresolute.
+
+
+
+
+X
+
+_MRS. SOMERS; MR. CAMPBELL_
+
+
+Campbell, finally: "Did you wish me to stay, Amy?"
+
+Mrs. Somers, airily: "I? Oh no! It was Mrs. Curwen."
+
+Campbell: "Then I think I'll accept her kind offer of a seat in her
+coupe."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh! I thought, of course, you'd stay--at _her_ request."
+
+Campbell: "No; I shall only stay at yours."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "And I shall not ask you. In fact, I warn you not to."
+
+Campbell: "Why?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Because, if you urge me to speak now, I shall say--"
+
+Campbell: "I wasn't going to urge you."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "No matter! I shall say it now without being urged. Yes,
+I've made up my mind. I can't marry a flirt."
+
+Campbell: "I can, Amy."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Sir!"
+
+Campbell: "You know very well you sent those people into the other room
+to keep me here and torment me--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "_Now_ you've _insulted_ me, and all _is_ over."
+
+Campbell: "To tantalize me with your loveliness, your beauty, your
+grace, Amy!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, softening: "Oh, that's all very well--"
+
+Campbell: "I'm glad you like it. I could go on at much greater length.
+But you know I love you dearly, Amy, and why should you delight in my
+agonies? But only marry me, and you shall delight in them as long as you
+live, and--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "You must hold me very cheap to think I would take you from
+that creature."
+
+Campbell: "Confound her! I wasn't hers to give. I offered myself first."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "She offered you last, and--no, thank you, please."
+
+Campbell: "Do you really mean it?"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "I shall not say. Or, yes, I _will_ say. If that woman, who
+seems to have you at her beck and call, had not intermeddled, I might
+have made you a very different answer. But now my eyes are opened, and I
+see what I should have to expect, and--no, thank you, please."
+
+Campbell: "And if she hadn't offered me--"
+
+Mrs. Somers, drawing out her handkerchief and putting it to her eyes: "I
+was feeling kindly towards you--I was such a little fool--"
+
+Campbell: "Amy!"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "And you knew how much I disliked her."
+
+Campbell: "Yes, I saw by the way you kissed each other."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! You knew that meant nothing. But if it had been
+anybody else in the world but her, I shouldn't have minded it. And
+now--"
+
+Campbell: "Now--"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Now all those geese are coming back from the other room,
+and they'll see that I've been crying, and everybody will know
+everything. Willis--"
+
+Campbell: "_Willis?_"
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Let me go! I must bathe my eyes! You stay here and
+receive them! I'll be back at once!" She escapes from the arms stretched
+towards her, and out of the door, just before her guests enter from the
+library, and Campbell remains to receive them. The ladies, in returning,
+call over one another's heads and shoulders.
+
+
+
+
+XI
+
+_MR. CAMPBELL and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Amy, it's _lovely_! But it doesn't _half_ do you
+justice."
+
+Young Mrs. Bemis: "It's too sweet for _anything_, Mrs. Somers."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "Why did you let the man put you into that ridiculous
+seventeenth-century dress? Can't he paint a modern frock?"
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "But what exquisite coloring, Mrs. Somers!"
+
+Mrs. Miller: "He's got just your lovely turn of the head."
+
+Miss Bayly: "And the way you hold your fan--what character he's thrown
+into it!"
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "And that fall of the skirt, Amy; that skirt is _full_ of
+character!" She discovers Mr. Campbell behind the tea-urn. He has Mrs.
+Somers's light wrap on his shoulders, and her fan in his hand, and he
+alternately hides his blushes with it, and coquettishly folds it and
+pats his mouth in a gross caricature of Mrs. Somers's manner. In rising
+he twitches his coat forward in a similar burlesque of a lady's
+management of her skirt. "Why, where is Amy, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Gone a moment. Some trouble about--the hot water."
+
+Lawton: "Hot water that you've been getting into? Ah, young man, look me
+in the eye!"
+
+Campbell: "Your glass one, Doctor?"
+
+Young Mr. Bemis: "Why, my dear, has your father got a glass eye?"
+
+Mrs. Bemis: "Of _course_ he hasn't! What an idea! I don't know what Mr.
+Campbell means."
+
+Lawton: "I've no doubt he wishes I had a glass eye--two of them, for
+that matter. But that isn't answering my question. Where is Mrs.
+Somers?"
+
+Campbell: "That was my sister's question, and I did answer it. Have some
+tea, ladies? I'm glad you like my portrait, and that you think he's got
+my lovely turn of the head, and the way I hold my fan, and the character
+of my skirt; but I agree with you that it isn't half as pretty as I am."
+
+The Ladies: "Oh, what shall we do to him? Prescribe for us, Doctor."
+
+Campbell: "No, no! I want the Doctor's services myself. I don't want him
+to give me his medicines. I want him to give me away."
+
+Lawton: "You're tired of giving yourself away, then?"
+
+Campbell: "It's of no use. They won't have me."
+
+Lawton: "Who won't?"
+
+Campbell: "Oh, I'll leave Mrs. Somers to say."
+
+
+
+
+XII
+
+_MRS. SOMERS and the OTHERS_
+
+
+Mrs. Somers, radiantly reappearing: "Say what?" She has hidden the
+traces of her tears from every one but the ladies by a light application
+of powder, and she knows that they all know she has been crying, and
+this makes her a little more smiling. "Say what?" She addresses the
+company in general rather than Campbell.
+
+Campbell, with caricatured tenderness: "Say yes."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "What does he mean, Doctor?"
+
+Lawton: "Oh, I'm afraid he's past all surgery. I give him over to you,
+Mrs. Somers."
+
+Campbell: "There, now. She wasn't the last to do it!"
+
+Mrs. Somers, with the resolution of a widow: "Well, I suppose there's
+nothing else for it, then. I'll see what can be done for your patient,
+Doctor." She passes her hand through Campbell's arm, where he continues
+to stand behind the tea-table.
+
+Mrs. Roberts, falling upon her and kissing her: "Amy, you don't _mean_
+it!"
+
+Mrs. Bemis, embracing her in turn: "I never can believe it."
+
+Mrs. Crashaw: "It is ridiculous! What, Willis?"
+
+Mrs. Miller: "It does seem too nice to be true."
+
+Bemis: "You astonish us!"
+
+Roberts: "We never should have dreamed of it."
+
+Young Mr. Bemis: "You _must_ give us time to realize it."
+
+Mrs. Wharton: "Is it _possible_?"
+
+Miss Bayly: "_Is_ it possible?" They all shake hands with Mrs. Somers in
+turn.
+
+Roberts: "Isn't this rather sudden, Willis?"
+
+Campbell: "Well, it is--for Mrs. Somers, perhaps. But _I've_ found it
+awfully gradual."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Nonsense! It's an old story for both of us."
+
+Campbell: "Well, what I like about it is, it's _true_. Founded on fact!"
+
+Mrs. Roberts: "Really? I _can't_ believe it!"
+
+Campbell: "Well, I don't know whom all this charming incredulity's
+intended to flatter, but if it's I, I say no, _not_ really, at all! It's
+merely a little _coup de theatre_ we've been arranging."
+
+Lawton, patting him on the shoulder: "One ahead, as usual."
+
+Mrs. Somers: "Oh, thank you, Doctor! There are two of us ahead now."
+
+Lawton: "_I_ believe you, at any rate. Bravo!" He initiates an applause
+in which all the rest join, while Campbell catches up Mrs. Somers's fan
+and unfurls it before both their faces.
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+Harper's "Black and White" Series.
+
+Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.
+
+
+_LATEST ISSUES:_
+
+    FIVE O'CLOCK TEA. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    THE MOUSE-TRAP. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    A LIKELY STORY. Farce. By W. D. Howells.
+
+    THIS PICTURE AND THAT. A Comedy. By Brander Matthews.
+
+    TRAVELS IN AMERICA 100 YEARS AGO. By Thomas Twining.
+
+    MY YEAR IN A LOG CABIN. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    EVENING DRESS. A Farce. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    THE WORK OF WASHINGTON IRVING. By Charles Dudley Warner.
+
+    EDWIN BOOTH. By Laurence Hutton.
+
+    PHILLIPS BROOKS. By Rev. Arthur Brooks, D.D.
+
+    THE DECISION OF THE COURT. A Comedy, By Brander Matthews.
+
+    GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS. By John White Chadwick.
+
+    THE UNEXPECTED GUESTS. A Farce. By William Dean Howells.
+
+    SLAVERY AND THE SLAVE TRADE IN AFRICA. By Henry M. Stanley.
+
+    THE RIVALS. By Francois Coppee.
+
+    WHITTIER: NOTES OF HIS LIFE AND OF HIS FRIENDSHIPS. By Annie Fields.
+
+    THE JAPANESE BRIDE. By Naomi Tamura.
+
+    GILES COREY, YEOMAN. By Mary E. Wilkins.
+
+    COFFEE AND REPARTEE. By John Kendrick Bangs.
+
+_For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers, postage
+prepaid, on receipt of price._
+
+
+
+
+BY WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS.
+
+
+    THE COAST OF BOHEMIA. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
+
+    THE WORLD OF CHANCE. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50, Paper, 60 cents.
+
+    THE QUALITY OF MERCY. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50, Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    AN IMPERATIVE DUTY. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00; Paper, 50 cents.
+
+    A HAZARD OF NEW FORTUNES. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $2 00; 1 vol.,
+        Illustrated, Paper, $1 00.
+
+    THE SHADOW OF A DREAM. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00; Paper, 50 cents.
+
+    ANNIE KILBURN. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50; Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    APRIL HOPES. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50; Paper, 75 cents.
+
+    CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY, and Other Stories. Illustrated. Post 8vo,
+        Cloth, $1 25.
+
+    A BOY'S TOWN. Illustrated. Post 8vo, Cloth, $1 25.
+
+    THE MOUSE-TRAP, and Other Farces. Illustrated. 32mo,
+        Cloth, $1 00.
+
+    MY YEAR IN A LOG-CABIN. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents.
+
+    A LITTLE SWISS SOJOURN. Illustrated. 32mo, Cloth, 50 cents.
+
+    FARCES: _A Likely Story--The Mouse-Trap--Five O'Clock
+        Tea--Evening Dress--The Unexpected Guests--A Letter of
+        Introduction--The Albany Depot--The Garroters._ Illustrated.
+        32mo, Cloth, 50 cents each.
+
+    CRITICISM AND FICTION. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
+
+    MODERN ITALIAN POETS. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00.
+
+
+
+
+HARPER'S AMERICAN ESSAYISTS. With Portraits. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00 each.
+
+
+    LITERARY AND SOCIAL SILHOUETTES. By HJALMAR HJORTH BOYESEN.
+
+    STUDIES OF THE STAGE. By BRANDER MATTHEWS.
+
+    AMERICANISMS AND BRITICISMS, with Other Essays on Other Isms. By
+        BRANDER MATTHEWS.
+
+    AS WE GO. By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER. With Illustrations.
+
+    AS WE WERE SAYING. By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER. With Illustrations.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. _Second Series._ By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    FROM THE EASY CHAIR. _Third Series._ By GEORGE WILLIAM CURTIS.
+
+    CRITICISM AND FICTION. By WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS.
+
+    FROM THE BOOKS OF LAURENCE HUTTON. CONCERNING ALL OF US. By
+        THOMAS WENTWORTH HIGGINSON.
+
+    THE WORK OF JOHN RUSKIN. By CHARLES WALDSTEIN.
+
+    PICTURE AND TEXT. By HENRY JAMES. With Illustrations.
+
+
+PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK.
+
+--> _For sale by all booksellers, or will be sent by the publishers,
+postage prepaid, to any part of the United States, Canada, or Mexico,
+on receipt of the price._
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Five O'Clock Tea, by W. D. Howells
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE O'CLOCK TEA ***
+
+***** This file should be named 27709.txt or 27709.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/7/0/27709/
+
+Produced by David Edwards and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
+produced from images generously made available by The
+Internet Archive)
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/27709.zip b/27709.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..100a862
--- /dev/null
+++ b/27709.zip
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..641a7c8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #27709 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/27709)