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diff --git a/27423.txt b/27423.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38e1c88 --- /dev/null +++ b/27423.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9794 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Elkan Lubliner, American, by Montague Glass + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Elkan Lubliner, American + +Author: Montague Glass + +Release Date: December 5, 2008 [EBook #27423] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN *** + + + + +Produced by C. St. Charleskindt, Suzanne Shell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN + + + + +ELKAN LUBLINER, +AMERICAN + +BY MONTAGUE GLASS + +AUTHOR OF +"Potash & Perlmutter," "Abe & Mawruss," +"Object: Matrimony," etc. + +[Illustration: Frucus Quam Folia] + +GARDEN CITY NEW YORK +DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY +1912 + + + + +_Copyright, 1911, 1912, by_ +THE CURTIS PUBLISHING COMPANY + +_Copyright, 1912, by_ +DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & CO. +_All rights reserved, including that of +translation into foreign languages, +including the Scandinavian_ + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE + +Noblesse Oblige 3 + +Appenweier's Account 33 + +A Match for Elkan Lubliner 81 + +Highgrade Lines 147 + +One of Esau's Fables 196 + +A Tale of Two Jacobean Chairs 250 + +Sweet and Sour 288 + + + + +ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN + + + + +ELKAN LUBLINER + + +CHAPTER ONE + +NOBLESSE OBLIGE + +POLATKIN & SCHEIKOWITZ CONSERVE THE HONOUR OF THEIR FAMILIES + + +"Nu, Philip," cried Marcus Polatkin to his partner, Philip Scheikowitz, +as they sat in the showroom of their place of business one June morning, +"even if the letter does got bad news in it you shouldn't take on so +hard. When a feller is making good over here and the _Leute im Russland_ +hears about it, understand me, they are all the time sending him bad +news. I got in Minsk a cousin by the name Pincus Lubliner, understand +me, which every time he writes me, y'understand, a relation dies on him +and he wants me I should help pay funeral expenses. You might think I +was a Free Burial Society, the way that feller acts." + +"Sure, I know," Philip replied as he folded the letter away; "but this +here is something else again. Mind you, with his own landlord he is +sitting playing cards, Marcus, and comes a pistol through the window +and the landlord drops dead." + +"What have you got to do with the landlord?" Polatkin retorted. "If it +was your brother-in-law was killed that's a difference matter entirely; +but when a feller is a landlord _im Russland_, understand me, the least +he could expect is that he gets killed once in a while." + +"I ain't saying nothing about the landlord," Philip protested, "but my +brother-in-law writes they are afraid for their lives there and I should +send 'em quick the passage money for him and his boy Yosel to come to +America." + +Polatkin rose to his feet and glared angrily at his partner. + +"Do you mean to told me you are going to send that loafer money he +should come over here and bum round our shop yet?" + +"What do you mean bum round our shop?" Philip demanded. "In the +first place, Polatkin, I ain't said I am going to send him money, +y'understand; and, in the second place, if I want to send the feller +money to come over here, understand me, that's my business. Furthermore, +when you are coming to call my brother-in-law a loafer and a bum, +Polatkin, you don't know what you are talking about. His _Grossvater_, +_olav hasholem_, was the great Harkavy Rav, Jochannon Borrochson." + +"I heard that same tale before," Polatkin interrupted. "A feller is a +_Schlemiel_ and a lowlife which he couldn't support his wife and +children, understand me, and it always turns out his grandfather was a +big rabbi in the old country. The way it is with me, Scheikowitz, just +so soon as I am hearing a feller's grandfather was a big rabbi in the +old country, Scheikowitz, I wouldn't got nothing more to do with him. If +he works for you in your place, understand me, then he fools away your +time telling the operators what a big rabbi his grandfather was; and if +he's a customer, Scheikowitz, and you write him ten days after the +account is overdue he should pay you what he owes you, instead he sends +you a check, understand me, he comes down to the store and tells you +what a big rabbi he's got it for a grandfather. _Gott sei Dank_ I ain't +got no _Rabonim_ in my family." + +"Sure, I know," Philip cried, "your father would be glad supposing he +could sign his name even." + +Polatkin shrugged his shoulders. + +"It would _oser_ worry me if my whole family couldn't read or write. So +long as I can sign my name and the money is in the bank to make the +check good from five to ten thousand dollars, y'understand, what do I +care if my grandfather would be deef, dumb and blind, Scheikowitz? +Furthermore, Scheikowitz, believe me I would sooner got one good live +business man for a partner, Scheikowitz, than a million dead rabbis for +a grandfather, and don't you forget it. So if you are going to spend +the whole morning making a _Geschreierei_ over that letter, Scheikowitz, +we may as well close up the store _und fertig_." + +With this ultimatum Marcus Polatkin walked rapidly away toward the +cutting room, while Philip Scheikowitz sought the foreman of their +manufacturing department and borrowed a copy of a morning paper. It was +printed in the vernacular of the lower East Side, and Philip bore it to +his desk, where for more than half an hour he alternately consulted the +column of steamboat advertising and made figures on the back of an +envelope. These represented the cost of a journey for two persons from +Minsk to New York, based on Philip's hazy recollection of his own +emigration, fifteen years before, combined with his experience as +travelling salesman in the Southern States for a popular-price line of +pants. + +At length he concluded his calculations and with a heavy sigh he put on +his hat just as his partner returned from the cutting room. + +"Nu!" Polatkin cried. "Where are you going now?" + +"I am going for a half an hour somewheres," Philip replied. + +"What for?" Polatkin demanded. + +"What for is my business," Philip answered. + +"Your business?" Polatkin exclaimed. "At nine o'clock in the morning +one partner puts on his hat and starts to go out, _verstehst du_, and +when the other partner asks him where he is going it's his business, +_sagt er_! What do you come down here at all for, Scheikowitz?" + +"I am coming down here because I got such a partner, Polatkin, which if +I was to miss one day even I wouldn't know where I stand at all," +Scheikowitz retorted. "Furthermore, you shouldn't worry yourself, +Polatkin; for my own sake I would come back just so soon as I could." + +Despite the offensive repartee that accompanied Philip's departure, +however, he returned to find Polatkin entirely restored to good humour +by a thousand-dollar order that had arrived in the ten-o'clock mail; and +as Philip himself felt the glow of conscious virtue attendant upon a +good deed economically performed, he immediately fell into friendly +conversation with his partner. + +"Well, Marcus," he said, "I sent 'em the passage tickets, and if you +ain't agreeable that Borrochson comes to work here I could easy find him +a job somewheres else." + +"If we got an opening here, Philip, what is it skin off my face if the +feller comes to work here," Polatkin answered, "so long as he gets the +same pay like somebody else?" + +"What could I do, Marcus?" Philip rejoined, as he took off his hat and +coat preparatory to plunging into the assortment of a pile of samples. +"My own flesh and blood I must got to look out for, ain't it? And if my +sister Leah, _olav hasholem_, would be alive to-day I would of got 'em +all over here long since ago already. Ain't I am right?" + +Polatkin shrugged. "In family matters one partner couldn't advise the +other at all," he said. + +"Sure, I know," Philip concluded, "but when a feller has got such a +partner which he is a smart, up-to-date feller and means good by his +partner, understand me, then I got a right to take an advice from him +about family matters, ain't it?" + +And with these honeyed words the subject of the Borrochson family's +assisted emigration was dismissed until the arrival of another letter +from Minsk some four weeks later. + +"Well, Marcus," Philip cried after he had read it, "he'll be here +Saturday." + +"Who'll be here Saturday?" Polatkin asked. + +"Borrochson," Philip replied; "and the boy comes with him." + +Polatkin raised his eyebrows. + +"I'll tell you the honest truth, Philip," he said--"I'm surprised to +hear it." + +"What d'ye mean you're surprised to hear it?" Philip asked. "Ain't I am +sending him the passage tickets?" + +"Sure, I know you are sending him the tickets," Polatkin continued, "but +everybody says the same, Philip, and that's why I am telling you, +Philip, I'm surprised to hear he is coming; because from what everybody +is telling me it's a miracle the feller ain't sold the tickets and +gambled away the money." + +"What are you talking nonsense, selling the tickets!" Philip cried +indignantly. "The feller is a decent, respectable feller even if he +would be a poor man." + +"He ain't so poor," Polatkin retorted. "A thief need never got to be +poor, Scheikowitz." + +"A thief!" Philip exclaimed. + +"That's what I said," Polatkin went on, "and a smart thief too, +Scheikowitz. Gifkin says he could steal the buttons from a policeman's +pants and pass 'em off for real money, understand me, and they couldn't +catch him anyhow." + +"Gifkin?" Philip replied. + +"Meyer Gifkin which he is working for us now two years, Scheikowitz, and +a decent, respectable feller," Polatkin said relentlessly. "If Gifkin +tells you something you could rely on it, Scheikowitz, and he is telling +me he lives in Minsk one house by the other with this feller Borrochson, +and such a lowlife gambler bum as this here feller Borrochson is you +wouldn't believe at all." + +"Meyer Gifkin says that?" Philip gasped. + +"So sure as he is working here as assistant cutter," Polatkin continued. +"And if you think that this here feller Borrochson comes to work in our +place, Scheikowitz, you've got another think coming, and that's all I +got to say." + +But Philip had not waited to hear the conclusion of his partner's +ultimatum, and by the time Polatkin had finished Philip was at the +threshold of the cutting room. + +"Gifkin!" he bellowed. "I want to ask you something a question." + +The assistant cutter laid down his shears. + +"What could I do for you, Mr. Scheikowitz?" he said respectfully. + +"You could put on your hat and coat and get out of here before I kick +you out," Philip replied without disclosing the nature of his abandoned +question. "And, furthermore, if my brother-in-law Borrochson is such a +lowlife bum which you say he is, when he is coming here Saturday he +would pretty near kill you, because, Gifkin, a lowlife gambler and a +thief could easily be a murderer too. _Aber_ if he ain't a such thief +and gambler which you say he is, then I would make you arrested." + +"Me arrested?" Gifkin cried. "What for?" + +"Because for calling some one a thief which he ain't one you could sit +in prison," Scheikowitz concluded. "So you should get right out of here +before I am sending for a policeman." + +"But, Mr. Scheikowitz," Gifkin protested, "who did I told it your +brother-in-law is a thief and a gambler?" + +"You know very well who you told it," Scheikowitz retorted. "You told it +my partner, Gifkin. That's who you told it." + +"But I says to him he shouldn't tell nobody," Gifkin continued. "Is it +my fault your partner is such a _Klatsch_? And, anyhow, Mr. Scheikowitz, +supposing I did say your brother-in-law is a gambler and a thief, I know +what I'm talking about; and, furthermore, if I got to work in a place +where I couldn't open my mouth at all, Mr. Scheikowitz, I don't want to +work there, and that's all there is to it." + +He assumed his hat and coat in so dignified a manner that for the moment +Scheikowitz felt as though he were losing an old and valued employee, +and this impression was subsequently heightened by Polatkin's behaviour +when he heard of Gifkin's departure. Indeed a casual observer might have +supposed that Polatkin's wife, mother, and ten children had all perished +in a common disaster and that the messenger had been indiscreet in +breaking the news, for during a period of almost half an hour Polatkin +rocked and swayed in his chair and beat his forehead with his clenched +fist. + +"You are shedding my blood," he moaned to Scheikowitz. + +"What the devil you are talking nonsense!" Scheikowitz declared. "The +way you are acting you would think we are paying the feller five +thousand dollars a year instead of fifteen dollars a week." + +"It ain't what a feller makes from you, Scheikowitz; it's what you make +from him what counts," he wailed. "Gifkin was really worth to us a year +five thousand dollars." + +"Five thousand buttons!" Scheikowitz cried. "You are making a big fuss +about nothing at all." + +But when the next day Polatkin and Scheikowitz heard that Gifkin had +found employment with their closest competitors Philip began to regret +the haste with which he had discharged his assistant cutter, and he bore +his partner's upbraidings in chastened silence. Thus by Friday afternoon +Polatkin had exhausted his indignation. + +"Well, Philip," he said as closing-time approached, "it ain't no use +crying over sour milk. What time does the boat arrive?" + +"To-night," Philip replied, "and the passengers comes off the island +to-morrow. Why did you ask?" + +"Because," Marcus said with the suspicion of a blush, "Saturday ain't +such a busy day and I was thinking I would go over with you. Might I +could help you out." + + * * * * * + +Philip's trip with his partner to Ellis Island the following morning +tried his temper to the point where he could barely refrain from +inquiring if the expected immigrant were his relation or Polatkin's, +for during the entire journey Marcus busied himself making plans for the +Borrochsons' future. + +"The first thing you got to look out for with a greenhorn, Philip," he +said, "is that you learn 'em good the English language. If a feller +couldn't talk he couldn't do nothing, understand me, so with the young +feller especially you shouldn't give him no encouragement to keep on +talking _Manerloschen_." Philip nodded politely. + +"Look at me for instance," Marcus continued; "six months after I landed, +Philip, I am speaking English already just so good as a doctor or a +lawyer. And how did I done it? To night school I am going only that they +should learn me to write, _verstehst du_, _aber_ right at the start old +man Feinrubin takes me in hand and he talks to me only in English. And +if I am understanding him, _schon gut_; and if I don't understand him +then he gives me a _potch_ on the side of the head, Philip, which the +next time he says it I could understand him good. And that's the way you +should do with the young feller, Philip. I bet yer he would a damsight +sooner learn English as get a _Schlag_ every ten minutes." + +Again Philip nodded, and by the time they had arrived at the enclosure +for the relations of immigrants he had become so accustomed to the hum +of Marcus' conversation that he refrained from uttering even a +perfunctory "Uh-huh." They sat on a hard bench for more than half an +hour, while the attendants bawled the common surnames of every country +from Ireland to Asiatic Turkey, and at length the name Borrochson +brought Philip to his feet. He rushed to the gateway, followed by +Marcus, just as a stunted lad of fifteen emerged, staggering under the +burden of a huge cloth-covered bundle. + +"Uncle Philip," the lad cried, dropping the bundle. Then clutching +Marcus round the neck he showered kisses on his cheeks until Philip +dragged him away. + +"I am your uncle," Philip said in _Juedisch Deutsch_. "Where is your +father?" + +Without answering the question Yosel Borrochson took a stranglehold of +Philip and subjected him to a second and more violent osculation. It was +some minutes before Philip could disengage himself from his nephew's +embrace and then he led him none too gently to a seat. + +"Never mind the kissing," he said; "where's your father?" + +"He is not here," Yosel Borrochson replied with a vivid blush. + +"I see he is not here," Philip rejoined. "Where is he?" + +"He is in Minsk," said young Borrochson. + +"In Minsk?" Philip and Marcus cried with one voice, and then Marcus sat +down on the bench and rocked to and fro in an ecstasy of mirth. + +"In Minsk!" he gasped hysterically, and slapped his thighs by way of +giving expression to his emotions. "Did you ever hear the like?" + +"Polatkin, do me the favour," Philip begged, "and don't make a damn fool +of yourself." + +"What did I told you?" Polatkin retorted, but Philip turned to his +nephew. + +"What did your father do with the ticket and the money I sent him?" he +asked. + +"He sold the ticket and he used all the money for the wedding," the boy +replied. + +"The wedding?" Philip exclaimed. "What wedding?" + +"The wedding with the widow," said the boy. + +"The widow?" Philip and Marcus shouted in unison. "What widow?" + +"The landlord's widow," the boy answered shyly. + +And then as there seemed nothing else to do he buried his face in his +hands and wept aloud. + +"Nu, Philip," Marcus said, sitting down beside young Borrochson, "could +the boy help it if his father is a _Ganef_?" + +Philip made no reply, and presently Marcus stooped and picked up the +bundle. + +"Come," he said gently, "let's go up to the store." + +The journey uptown was not without its unpleasant features, for the size +of the bundle not only barred them from both subway and elevated, but +provoked a Broadway car conductor to exhibit what Marcus considered to +be so biased and illiberal an attitude toward unrestricted immigration +that he barely avoided a cerebral hemorrhage in resenting it. They +finally prevailed on the driver of a belt-line car to accept them as +passengers, and nearly half an hour elapsed before they arrived at +Desbrosses Street; but after a dozen conductors in turn had declined to +honour their transfer tickets they made the rest of their journey on +foot. + +Philip and young Borrochson carried the offending bundle, for Marcus +flatly declined to assist them. Indeed with every block his enthusiasm +waned, so that when they at length reached Wooster Street his feelings +toward his partner's nephew had undergone a complete change. + +"Don't fetch that thing in here," he said as Philip and young Borrochson +entered the showroom with the bundle; "leave it in the shop. You got no +business to bring the young feller up here in the first place." + +"What do you mean bring him up here?" Philip cried. "If you wouldn't +butt in at all I intended to take him to my sister's a cousin on Pitt +Street." + +Marcus threw his hat on a sample table and sat down heavily. + +"That's all the gratitude I am getting!" he declared with bitter +emphasis. "Right in the busy season I dropped everything to help you +out, and you turn on me like this." + +He rose to his feet suddenly, and seizing the bundle with both hands he +flung it violently through the doorway. + +"Take him to Pitt Street," he said. "Take him to the devil for all I +care. I am through with him." + +But Philip conducted his nephew no farther than round the corner on +Canal Street, and when an hour later Yosel Borrochson returned with his +uncle his top-boots had been discarded forever, while his wrinkled, +semi-military garb had been exchanged for a neat suit of Oxford gray. +Moreover, both he and Philip had consumed a hearty meal of coffee and +rolls and were accordingly prepared to take a more cheerful outlook upon +life, especially Philip. + +"_Bleib du hier_," he said as he led young Borrochson to a chair in the +cutting room. "_Ich Komm bald zurueck._" + +Then mindful of his partner's advice he broke into English. "Shtay +here," he repeated in loud, staccato accents. "I would be right back. +_Verstehst du?_" + +"Yess-ss," Yosel replied, uttering his first word of English. + +With a delighted grin Philip walked to the showroom, where Polatkin sat +wiping away the crumbs of a belated luncheon of two dozen zwieback and a +can of coffee. + +"_Nu_," he said conciliatingly, "what is it now?" + +"Marcus," Philip began with a nod of his head in the direction of the +cutting room, "I want to show you something a picture." + +"A picture!" Polatkin repeated as he rose to his feet. "What do you mean +a picture?" + +"Come," Philip said; "I'll show you." + +He led the way to the cutting room, where Yosel sat awaiting his uncle's +return. + +"What do you think of him now?" Philip demanded. "Ain't he a +good-looking young feller?" + +Marcus shrugged in a non-committal manner. + +"Look what a bright eye he got it," Philip insisted. "You could tell by +looking at him only that he comes from a good family." + +"He looks a boy like any other boy," said Marcus. + +"But even if no one would told you, Marcus, you could see from his +forehead yet--and the big head he's got it--you could see that +somewheres is _Rabonim_ in the family." + +"Yow!" Marcus exclaimed. "You could just so much see from his head that +his grandfather is a rabbi as you could see from his hands that his +father is a crook." He turned impatiently away. "So instead you should +be talking a lot of nonsense, Philip, you should set the boy to work +sweeping the floor," he continued. "Also for a beginning we would start +him in at three dollars a week, and if the boy gets worth it pretty soon +we could give him four." + +In teaching his nephew the English language Philip Scheikowitz adopted +no particular system of pedagogy, but he combined the methods of +Ollendorf, Chardenal, Ahn and Polatkin so successfully that in a few +days Joseph possessed a fairly extensive vocabulary. To be sure, every +other word was acquired at the cost of a clump over the side of the +head, but beyond a slight ringing of the left ear that persisted for +nearly six months the Polatkin method of instruction vindicated itself, +and by the end of the year Joseph's speech differed in no way from that +of his employers. + +"Ain't it something which you really could say is wonderful the way that +boy gets along?" Philip declared to his partner, as the first +anniversary of Joseph's landing approached. "Honestly, Marcus, that boy +talks English like he would be born here already." + +"Sure, I know," Marcus agreed. "He's got altogether too much to say for +himself. Only this morning he tells me he wants a raise to six dollars a +week." + +"Could you blame him?" Philip asked mildly. "He's doing good work here, +Marcus." + +"Yow! he's doing good work!" Marcus exclaimed. "He's fresh like +anything, Scheikowitz. If you give him the least little encouragement, +Scheikowitz, he would stand there and talk to you all day yet." + +"Not to me he don't," Philip retorted. "Lots of times I am asking him +questions about the folks in the old country and always he tells me: +'With greenhorns like them I don't bother myself at all.' Calls his +father a greenhorn yet!" + +Marcus flapped his right hand in a gesture of impatience. + +"He could call his father a whole lot worse," he said. "Why, that +_Ganef_ ain't even wrote you at all since the boy comes over here. Not +only he's a crook, Scheikowitz, but he's got a heart like a brick." + +Philip shrugged his shoulders. + +"What difference does it make if he is a crook?" he rejoined. "The boy's +all right anyway. Yes, Marcus, the boy is something which you could +really say is a jewel." + +"_Geh weg!_" Marcus cried disgustedly--"a jewel!" + +"That's what I said," Philip continued--"a jewel. Tell me, Marcus, how +many boys would you find it which they are getting from three to five +dollars a week and in one year saves up a hundred dollars, y'understand, +and comes to me only this morning and says to me I should take the money +for what it costs to keep him while he is learning the language, and for +buying him his clothes when he first comes here. Supposing his father is +a crook, Marcus, am I right or wrong?" + +"Talk is cheap, Scheikowitz," Marcus retorted. "He only says he would +pay you the money, Scheikowitz, ain't it?" + +Philip dug down into his pocket and produced a roll of ragged one and +two dollar bills, which he flung angrily on to a sample table. + +"Count 'em," he said. + +Marcus shrugged again. + +"What is it my business?" he said. "And anyhow, Scheikowitz, I must say +I'm surprised at you. A poor boy saves up a hundred dollars out of the +little we are paying him here, and actually you are taking the money +from him. Couldn't you afford it to spend on the boy a hundred dollars?" + +"Sure I could," Philip replied as he pocketed the bills. "Sure I could +and I'm going to too. I'm going to take this here money and put it in +the bank for the boy, with a hundred dollars to boot, Polatkin, and when +the boy gets to be twenty-one he would anyhow got in savings bank a +couple hundred dollars." + +Polatkin nodded shamefacedly. + +"Furthermore, Polatkin," Philip continued, "if you got such a regard for +the boy which you say you got it, understand me, I would like to make +you a proposition. Ever since Gifkin leaves us, y'understand, we got in +our cutting room one _Schlemiel_ after another. Ain't it? Only yesterday +we got to fire that young feller we took on last week, understand me, +and if we get somebody else in his place to-day, Polatkin, the chances +is we would get rid of him to-morrow, and so it goes." + +Again Polatkin nodded. + +"So, therefore, what is the use talking, Polatkin?" Philip concluded. +"Let us take Joe Borrochson and learn him he should be a cutter, and in +six months' time, Polatkin, I bet yer he would be just so good a cutter +as anybody." + +At this juncture Polatkin raised his hand with the palm outward. + +"Stop right there, Scheikowitz," he said. "You are making a fool of +yourself, Scheikowitz, because, Scheikowitz, admitting for the sake of +no arguments about it that the boy is a good boy, understand me, after +all he's only a boy, ain't it, and if you are coming to make a +sixteen-year-old boy an assistant cutter, y'understand, the least that +we could expect is that our customers fires half our goods back at us." + +"But----" Scheikowitz began. + +"But, nothing, Scheikowitz," Polatkin interrupted. "This morning I seen +it Meyer Gifkin on Canal Street and he ain't working for them suckers no +more; and I says to him is he willing to come back here at the same +wages, and he says yes, providing you would see that this here feller +Borrochson wouldn't pretty near kill him." + +"What do you mean pretty near kill him?" Scheikowitz cried. "Do you mean +to say he is afraid of a boy like Joe Borrochson?" + +"Not Joe Borrochson," Polatkin replied. "He is all the time thinking +that your brother-in-law Borrochson comes over here with his boy and is +working in our place yet, and when I told him that that crook didn't +come over at all Meyer says that's the first he hears about it or he +would have asked for his job back long since already. So he says he +would come in here to see us this afternoon." + +"But----" Scheikowitz began again. + +"Furthermore," Polatkin continued hastily, "if I would got a nephew in +my place, Scheikowitz, I would a damsight sooner he stays working on the +stock till he knows enough to sell goods on the road as that he learns +to be a cutter. Ain't it?" + +Scheikowitz sighed heavily by way of surrender. + +"All right, Polatkin," he said; "if you're so dead set on taking this +here feller Gifkin back go ahead. But one thing I must got to tell you: +If you are taking a feller back which you fired once, understand me, he +acts so independent you couldn't do nothing with him at all." + +"Leave that to me," Polatkin said, as he started for the cutting room, +and when Scheikowitz followed him he found that Gifkin had already +arrived. + +"_Wie gehts_, Mister Scheikowitz?" Gifkin cried, and Philip received the +salutation with a distant nod. + +"I hope you don't hold no hard feelings for me," Gifkin began. + +"Me hold hard feelings for you?" Scheikowitz exclaimed. "I guess you +forget yourself, Gifkin. A boss don't hold no hard feelings for a feller +which is working in the place, Gifkin; otherwise the feller gets fired +and stays fired, Gifkin." + +At this juncture Polatkin in the role of peacemaker created a diversion. + +"Joe," he called to young Borrochson, who was passing the cutting-room +door, "come in here a minute." + +He turned to Gifkin as Joe entered. + +"I guess you seen this young feller before?" he said. + +Gifkin looked hard at Joe for a minute. + +"I think I seen him before somewheres," he replied. + +"Sure you seen him before," Polatkin rejoined. "His name is Borrochson." + +"Borrochson!" Gifkin cried, and Joe, whose colour had heightened at the +close scrutiny to which he had been subjected, began to grow pale. + +"Sure, Yosel Borrochson, the son of your old neighbour," Polatkin +explained, but Gifkin shook his head slowly. + +"That ain't Yosel Borrochson," he declared, and then it was that +Polatkin and Scheikowitz first noticed Joe's embarrassment. Indeed even +as they gazed at him his features worked convulsively once or twice and +he dropped unconscious to the floor. + +In the scene of excitement that ensued Gifkin's avowed discovery was +temporarily forgotten, but when Joe was again restored to consciousness +Polatkin drew Gifkin aside and requested an explanation. + +"What do you mean the boy ain't Yosel Borrochson?" he demanded. + +"I mean the boy ain't Yosel Borrochson," Gifkin replied deliberately. "I +know this here boy, Mr. Polatkin, and, furthermore, Borrochson's boy is +got one bum eye, which he gets hit with a stone in it when he was only +four years old already. Don't I know it, Mr. Polatkin, when with my own +eyes I seen this here boy throw the stone yet?" + +"Well, then, who is this boy?" Marcus Polatkin insisted. + +"He's a boy by the name Lubliner," Gifkin replied, "which his father was +Pincus Lubliner, also a crook, Mr. Polatkin, which he would steal +anything from a toothpick to an oitermobile, understand me." + +"Pincus Lubliner!" Polatkin repeated hoarsely. + +"That's who I said," Gifkin continued, rushing headlong to his +destruction. "Pincus Lubliner, which honestly, Mr. Polatkin, there's +nothing that feller wouldn't do--a regular _Rosher_ if ever there was +one." + +For one brief moment Polatkin's eyes flashed angrily, and then with a +resounding smack his open hand struck Gifkin's cheek. + +"Liar!" he shouted. "What do you mean by it?" + +Scheikowitz, who had been tenderly bathing Joe Borrochson's head with +water, rushed forward at the sound of the blow. + +"Marcus," he cried, "for Heaven's sake, what are you doing? You +shouldn't kill the feller just because he makes a mistake and thinks the +boy ain't Joe Borrochson." + +"He makes too many mistakes," Polatkin roared. "Calls Pincus Lubliner a +crook and a murderer yet, which his mother was my own father's a sister. +Did you ever hear the like?" + +He made a threatening gesture toward Gifkin, who cowered in a chair. + +"Say, lookyhere, Marcus," Scheikowitz asked, "what has Pincus Lubliner +got to do with this?" + +"He's got a whole lot to do with it," Marcus replied, and then his eyes +rested on Joe Borrochson, who had again lapsed into unconsciousness. + +"Oo-ee!" Marcus cried. "The poor boy is dead." + +He swept Philip aside and ran to the water-cooler, whence he returned +with the drip-bucket brimming over. This he emptied on Joe Borrochson's +recumbent form, and after a quarter of an hour the recovery was +permanent. In the meantime Philip had interviewed Meyer Gifkin to such +good purpose that when he entered the firm's office with Meyer Gifkin at +his heels he was fairly spluttering with rage. + +"Thief!" he yelled. "Out of here before I make you arrested." + +"Who the devil you think you are talking to?" Marcus demanded. + +"I am talking to Joseph Borrochson," Scheikowitz replied. "That's who +I'm talking to." + +"Well, there ain't no such person here," Polatkin retorted. "There's +here only a young fellow by the name Elkan Lubliner, which he is my own +father's sister a grandson, and he ain't no more a thief as you are." + +"Ain't he?" Philip retorted. "Well, all I can say is he is a thief and +his whole family is thieves, the one worser as the other." + +Marcus glowered at his partner. + +"You should be careful what you are speaking about," he said. "Maybe you +ain't aware that this here boy's grandfather on his father's side was +_Reb_ Mosha, the big _Lubliner Rav_, a _Chosid_ and a _Tzadek_ if ever +there was one." + +"What difference does that make?" Philip demanded. "He is stealing my +brother-in-law's passage ticket anyhow." + +"I didn't steal it," the former Joseph Borrochson cried. "My father paid +him good money for it, because Borrochson says he wanted it to marry the +widow with; and you also I am paying a hundred dollars." + +"Yow! Your father paid him good money for it!" Philip jeered. "A _Ganef_ +like your father is stealing the money, too, I bet yer." + +"_Oser a Stueck_," Polatkin declared. "I am sending him the money myself +to help bury his aunt, Mrs. Lebowitz." + +"You sent him the money?" Philip cried. "And your own partner you didn't +tell nothing about it at all!" + +"What is it your business supposing I am sending money to the old +country?" Marcus retorted. "Do you ask me an advice when you are sending +away money to the old country?" + +"But the feller didn't bury his aunt at all," Philip said. + +"Yes, he did too," the former Joseph Borrochson protested. "Instead of a +hundred dollars the funeral only costs fifty. Anybody could make an +overestimate. Ain't it?" + +Marcus nodded. + +"The boy is right, Philip," he said, "and anyhow what does this loafer +come butting in here for?" + +As he spoke he indicated Meyer Gifkin with a jerk of the chin. + +"He ain't butting in here," Philip declared; "he comes in here because I +told him to. I want you should make an end of this nonsense, Polatkin, +and hire a decent assistant cutter. Gifkin is willing to come back for +twenty dollars a week." + +"He is, is he?" Marcus cried. "Well, if he was willing to come back for +twenty dollars a week why didn't he come back before? Now it's too +late; I got other plans. Besides, twenty dollars is too much." + +"You know very well why I ain't come back before, Mr. Polatkin," Gifkin +protested. "I was afraid for my life from that murderer Borrochson." + +Philip scowled suddenly. + +"My partner is right, Gifkin," he said. "Twenty dollars is too much." + +"No, it ain't," Gifkin declared. "If I would be still working for you, +Mr. Scheikowitz, I would be getting more as twenty dollars by now. And +was it my fault you are firing me? By rights I should have sued you in +the courts yet." + +"What d'ye mean sue us in the courts?" Philip exclaimed. He was growing +increasingly angry, but Gifkin heeded no warning. + +"Because you are firing me just for saying a crook is a crook," Gifkin +replied, "and here lately you found out for yourself this here +Borrochson is nothing but a _Schwindler_--a _Ganef_." + +"What are you talking about--a _Schwindler_?" Philip cried, now +thoroughly aroused. "Ain't you heard the boy says Borrochson is marrying +the landlord's widow? Could a man get married on wind, Gifkin?" + +"Yow! he married the landlord's widow!" Gifkin said. "I bet yer that +crook gambles away the money; and, anyhow, could you believe anything +this here boy tells you, Mr. Scheikowitz?" + +The question fell on deaf ears, however, for at the repetition of the +word crook Philip flung open the office door. + +"Out of here," he roared, "before I kick you out." + +Simultaneously Marcus grabbed the luckless Gifkin by the collar, and +just what occurred between the office and the stairs could be deduced +from the manner in which Marcus limped back to the office. + +"_Gott sei Dank_ we are rid of the fellow," he said as he came in. + + * * * * * + +Although Philip Scheikowitz arrived at his place of business at +half-past seven the following morning he found that Marcus and Elkan +Lubliner had preceded him, for when he entered the showroom Marcus +approached with a broad grin on his face and pointed to the cutting +room, where stood Elkan Lubliner. In the boy's right hand was clutched a +pair of cutter's shears, and guided by chalked lines he was laboriously +slicing up a roll of sample paper. + +"Ain't he a picture?" Marcus exclaimed. + +"A picture!" Philip repeated. "What d'ye mean a picture?" + +"Why, the way he stands there with them shears, Philip," Marcus replied. +"He's really what you could call a born cutter if ever there was one." + +"A cutter!" Philip cried. + +"Sure," Marcus went on. "It's never too soon for a young feller to +learn all sides of his trade, Philip. He's been long enough on the +stock. Now he should learn to be a cutter, and I bet yer in six months' +time yet he would be just so good a cutter as anybody." + +Philip was too dazed to make any comment before Marcus obtained a fresh +start. + +"A smart boy like him, Philip, learns awful quick," he said. "Ain't it +funny how blood shows up? Now you take a boy like him which he comes +from decent, respectable family, Philip, and he's got real gumption. I +think I told you his grandfather on his father's side was a big rabbi, +the _Lubliner Rav_." + +Philip nodded. + +"And even if I didn't told you," Marcus went on, "you could tell it from +his face." + +Again Philip nodded. + +"And another thing I want to talk to you about," Marcus said, hastening +after him: "the hundred dollars the boy gives you you should keep, +Philip. And if you are spending more than that on the boy I would make +it good." + +Philip dug down absently into his trousers pocket and brought forth the +roll of dirty bills. + +"Take it," he said, throwing it toward his partner. "I don't want it." + +"What d'ye mean you don't want it?" Marcus cried. + +"I mean I ain't got no hard feelings against the boy," Philip replied. +"I am thinking it over all night, and I come to the conclusion so long +as I started in being the boy's uncle I would continue that way. So you +should put the money in the savings bank like I says yesterday." + +"But----" Marcus protested. + +"But nothing," Philip interrupted. "Do what I am telling you." + +Marcus blinked hard and cleared his throat with a great, rasping noise. + +"After all," he said huskily, "it don't make no difference how many +crooks _oder Ganevim_ is in a feller's family, Philip, so long as he's +got a good, straight business man for a partner." + + + + +CHAPTER TWO + +APPENWEIER'S ACCOUNT + +HOW ELKAN LUBLINER GRADUATED INTO SALESMANSHIP + + +"When I hire a salesman, Mr. Klugfels," said Marcus Polatkin, senior +partner of Polatkin & Scheikowitz, "I hire him because he's a salesman, +not because he's a nephew." + +"But it don't do any harm for a salesman to have an uncle whose concern +would buy in one season from you already ten thousand dollars goods, Mr. +Polatkin," Klugfels insisted. "Furthermore, Harry is a bright, smart +boy; and you can take it from me, Mr. Polatkin, not alone he would get +my trade, but us buyers is got a whole lot of influence one with the +other, understand me; so, if there's any other concern you haven't on +your books at present, you could rely on me I should do my best for +Harry and you." + +Thus spoke Mr. Felix Klugfels, buyer for Appenweier & Murray's +Thirty-second Street store, on the first Monday of January; and in +consequence on the second Monday of January Harry Flaxberg came to work +as city salesman for Polatkin & Scheikowitz. He also maintained the role +of party of the second part in a contract drawn by Henry D. Feldman, +whose skill in such matters is too well known for comment here. +Sufficient to say it fixed Harry Flaxberg's compensation at thirty +dollars a week and moderate commissions. At Polatkin's request, however, +the document was so worded that it excluded Flaxberg from selling any of +the concerns already on Polatkin & Scheikowitz's books; for not only did +he doubt Flaxberg's ability as a salesman, but he was quite conscious of +the circumstance that, save for the acquisition of Appenweier & Murray's +account, there was no need of their hiring a city salesman at all, since +the scope of their business operations required only one salesman--to +wit, as the lawyers say, Marcus Polatkin himself. On the other hand, +Klugfels had insisted upon the safeguarding of his nephew's interests, +so that the latter was reasonably certain of a year's steady employment. +Hence, when, on the first Monday of February, Appenweier & Murray +dispensed with the services of Mr. Klugfels before he had had the +opportunity of bestowing even one order on his nephew as a mark of his +favour, the business premises of Polatkin & Scheikowitz became forthwith +a house of mourning. From the stricken principals down to and including +the shipping clerk nothing else was spoken of or thought about for a +period of more than two weeks. Neither was it a source of much +consolation to Marcus Polatkin when he heard that Klugfels had been +supplanted by Max Lapin, a third cousin of Leon Sammet of the firm of +Sammet Brothers. + +"Ain't it terrible the way people is related nowadays?" he said to +Scheikowitz, who had just read aloud the news of Max Lapin's hiring in +the columns of the _Daily Cloak and Suit Record_. + +"Honestly, Scheikowitz, if a feller ain't got a lot of retailers _oder_ +buyers for distance relations, understand me, he might just so well go +out of business and be done with it!" + +Scheikowitz threw down the paper impatiently. + +"That's where you are making a big mistake, Polatkin," he said. "A +feller which he expects to do business with relations is just so good as +looking for trouble. You could never depend on relations that they are +going to keep on buying goods from you, Polatkin. The least little thing +happens between relations, understand me, and they are getting right +away enemies for life; while, if it was just between friends, Polatkin, +one friend makes for the other a blue eye, understand me, and in two +weeks' time they are just so good friends as ever. So, even if +Appenweier & Murray wouldn't fire him, y'understand, Klugfels would have +dumped this young feller on us anyway." + +As he spoke he looked through the office door toward the showroom, +where Harry Flaxberg sat with his feet cocked up on a sample table +midway in the perusal of the sporting page. + +"Flaxberg," Scheikowitz cried, "what are we showing here +anyway--garments _oder_ shoes? You are ruining our sample tables the way +you are acting!" + +Flaxberg replaced his feet on the floor and put down his paper. + +"It's time some one ruined them tables on you, Mr. Scheikowitz," he +said. "With the junk fixtures you got it here I'm ashamed to bring a +customer into the place at all." + +"That's all right," Scheikowitz retorted; "for all the customers you are +bringing in here, Flaxberg, we needn't got no fixtures at all. Come +inside the office--my partner wants to speak to you a few words +something." + +Flaxberg rose leisurely to his feet and, carefully shaking each leg in +turn to restore the unwrinkled perfection of his trousers, walked toward +the office. + +"Tell me, Flaxberg," Polatkin cried as he entered, "what are you going +to do about this here account of Appenweier & Murray's?" + +"What am I going to do about it?" Flaxberg repeated. "Why, what could I +do about it? Every salesman is liable to lose one account, Mr. +Polatkin." + +"Sure, I know," Polatkin answered; "but most every other salesman is got +some other accounts to fall back on. Whereas if a salesman is just got +one account, Flaxberg, and he loses it, understand me, then he ain't a +salesman no longer, Flaxberg. Right away he becomes only a loafer, +Flaxberg, and the best thing he could do, understand me, is to go and +find a job somewheres else." + +"Not when he's got a contract, Mr. Polatkin," Flaxberg retorted +promptly. "And specially a contract which the boss fixes up +himself--ain't it?" + +Scheikowitz nodded and scowled savagely at his partner. + +"Listen here to me, Flaxberg," Polatkin cried. "Do you mean to told me +that, even if a salesman would got ever so much a crazy contract, +understand me, it allows the salesman he should sit all the time doing +nothing in the showroom without we got a right to fire him?" + +"Well," Flaxberg replied calmly, "it gives him the privilege to go out +to lunch once in a while." + +He pulled down his waistcoat with exaggerated care and turned on his +heel. + +"So I would be back in an hour," he concluded; "and if any customers +come in and ask for me tell 'em to take a seat till I am coming back." + +The two partners watched him until he put on his hat and coat in the +rear of the showroom and then Polatkin rose to his feet. + +"Flaxberg," he cried, "wait a minute!" + +Flaxberg returned to the office and nonchalantly lit a cigarette. + +"Listen here to me, Flaxberg," Polatkin began. "Take from us a hundred +and fifty dollars and quit!" + +Flaxberg continued the operation of lighting his cigarette and blew a +great cloud of smoke before replying. + +"What for a piker do you think I am anyhow?" he asked. + +"What d'ye mean--piker?" Polatkin said. "A hundred and fifty ain't to be +sneezed at, Flaxberg." + +"Ain't it?" Flaxberg retorted. "Well, with me, I got a more delicate +nose as most people, Mr. Polatkin. I sneeze at everything under five +hundred dollars--and that's all there is to it." + +Once more he turned on his heel and walked out of the office; but this +time his progress toward the stairs was more deliberate, for, despite +his defiant attitude, Flaxberg's finances were at low ebb owing to a +marked reversal of form exhibited the previous day in the third race at +New Orleans. Moreover, he felt confident that a judicious investment of +a hundred and fifty dollars would net him that very afternoon at least +five hundred dollars, if any reliance were to be placed on the selection +of Merlando, the eminent sporting writer of the _Morning Wireless_. + +Consequently he afforded every opportunity for Marcus to call him back, +and he even paused at the factory door and applied a lighted match to +his already burning cigarette. The expected summons failed, however, +and instead he was nearly precipitated to the foot of the stairs by no +less a person than Elkan Lubliner. + +"Excuse me, Mr. Flaxberg," Elkan said. "I ain't seen you at all." + +Flaxberg turned suddenly, but at the sight of Elkan his anger evaporated +as he recalled a piece of gossip retailed by Sam Markulies, the shipping +clerk, to the effect that, despite his eighteen years, Elkan had at +least two savings-bank accounts and kept in his pocket a bundle of bills +as large as a roll of piece goods. + +"That's all right," Flaxberg cried with a forced grin. "I ain't +surprised you are pretty near blinded when you are coming into the +daylight out of the cutting room. It's dark in there like a tomb." + +"I bet yer," Elkan said fervently. + +"You should get into the air more often," Flaxberg went on. "A feller +could get all sorts of things the matter with him staying in a hole like +that." + +"_Gott sei dank_ I got, anyhow, my health," Elkan commented. + +"Sure, I know," Flaxberg said as they reached the street; "but you must +got to take care of it too. A feller which he don't get no exercise +should ought to eat well, Lubliner. For instance, I bet yer you are +taking every day your lunch in a bakery--ain't it?" + +Elkan nodded. + +"Well, there you are!" Flaxberg cried triumphantly. "A feller works all +the time in a dark hole like that cutting room, and comes lunchtime he +_fresses_ a bunch of _Kuchen_ and a cup of coffee, _verstehst du_--and +is it any wonder you are looking sick?" + +"I feel all right," Elkan said. + +"I know you feel all right," Flaxberg continued, "but you look something +terrible, Lubliner. Just for to-day, Lubliner, take my advice and try +Wasserbauer's regular dinner." + +Elkan laughed aloud. + +"Wasserbauer's!" he exclaimed. "Why, what do you think I am, Mr. +Flaxberg? If I would be a salesman like you, Mr. Flaxberg, I would say, +'Yes; eat once in a while at Wasserbauer's'; _aber_ for an assistant +cutter, Mr. Flaxberg, Wasserbauer's is just so high like the Waldorfer." + +"That's all right," Flaxberg retorted airily. "No one asks you you +should pay for it. Come and have a decent meal with me." + +For a brief interval Elkan hesitated, but at length he surrendered, and +five minutes later he found himself seated opposite Harry Flaxberg in +the rear of Wasserbauer's cafe. + +"Yes, Mr. Flaxberg," he said as he commenced the fourth of a series of +dill pickles, "compared with a salesman, a cutter is a dawg's +life--ain't it?" + +"Well," Flaxberg commented, "he is and he isn't. There's no reason why a +cutter shouldn't enjoy life too, Lubliner. A cutter could make money on +the side just so good as a salesman. I am acquainted already with a +pants cutter by the name Schmul Kleidermann which, one afternoon last +week, he pulls down two hundred and fifty dollars yet." + +"Pulls down two hundred and fifty dollars!" Elkan exclaimed. "From where +he pulls it down, Mr. Flaxberg?" + +"Not from the pants business _oser_," Flaxberg replied. "The feller +reads the papers, Lubliner, and that's how he makes his money." + +"You mean he is speculating in these here stocks from stock exchanges?" +Elkan asked. + +"Not stocks," Flaxberg replied in shocked accents. "From _spieling_ the +stock markets a feller could lose his shirt yet. Never play the stock +markets, Lubliner. That's something which you could really say a feller +ruins himself for life with." + +Elkan nodded. + +"Even _im Russland_ it's the same," he said. + +"Sure," Flaxberg went on. "_Aber_ this feller Kleidermann he makes a +study of it. The name of the horse was Prince Faithful. On New Year's +Day he runs fourth in a field of six. The next week he is in the money +for a show with such old-timers as Aurora Borealis, Dixie Lad and +Ramble Home--and last week he gets away with it six to one a winner, +understand me; and this afternoon yet, over to Judge Crowley's, I could +get a price five to two a place, understand me, which it is like picking +up money in the street already." + +Elkan paused in the process of commencing the sixth pickle and gazed in +wide-eyed astonishment at his host. + +"So you see, Lubliner," Flaxberg concluded, "if you would put up twenty +dollars, understand me, you could make fifty dollars more, like turning +your hand over." + +Elkan laid down his half-eaten pickle. + +"Do you mean to say you want me I should put up twenty dollars on a +horse which it is running with other horses a race?" he exclaimed. + +"Well," Flaxberg replied, "of course, if you got objections to putting +up money on a horse, Lubliner, why, don't do it. Lend it me instead the +twenty dollars and I would play it; and if the horse should--_Gott soll +hueten_--not be in the money, y'understand, then I would give you the +twenty dollars back Saturday at the latest. _Aber_ if the horse makes a +place, understand me, then I would give you your money back this +afternoon yet and ten dollars to boot." + +For one wavering moment Elkan raised the pickle to his lips and then +replaced it on the table. Then he licked off his fingers and explored +the recess of his waistcoat pocket. + +"Here," he said, producing a dime--"here is for the dill pickles, Mr. +Flaxberg." + +"What d'ye mean?" Flaxberg cried. + +"I mean this," Elkan said, putting on his hat--"I mean you should save +your money with me and blow instead your friend Kleidermann to dinner, +because the proposition ain't attractive." + + * * * * * + +"Yes, Mr. Redman," Elkan commented when he resumed his duties as +assistant cutter after the five and a half dill pickles had been +supplemented with a hasty meal of rolls and coffee, "for a _Schlemiel_ +like him to call himself a salesman--honestly, it's a disgrace!" + +He addressed his remarks to Joseph Redman, head cutter for Polatkin & +Scheikowitz, who plied his shears industriously at an adjoining table. +Joseph, like every other employee of Polatkin & Scheikowitz, was +thoroughly acquainted with the details of Flaxberg's hiring and its +denouement. Nevertheless, in his quality of head cutter, he professed a +becoming ignorance. + +"Who is this which you are knocking now?" he asked. + +"I am knocking some one which he's got a right to be knocked," Elkan +replied. "I am knocking this here feller Flaxberg, which he calls +himself a salesman. That feller couldn't sell a drink of water in the +Sahara Desert, Mr. Redman. All he cares about is gambling and going on +theaytres. Why, if I would be in his shoes, Mr. Redman, I wouldn't eat +or I wouldn't sleep till I got from Appenweier & Murray an order. Never +mind if my uncle would be fired and Mr. Lapin, the new buyer, is a +relation from Sammet Brothers, Mr. Redman, I would get that account, +understand me, or I would _verplatz_." + +"_Yow_, you would do wonders!" Redman said. "The best thing you could +do, Lubliner, is to close up your face and get to work. You shouldn't +got so much to say for yourself. A big mouth is only for a salesman, +Lubliner. For a cutter it's nix, understand me; so you should give me a +rest with this here Appenweier & Murray's account and get busy on them +2060's. We are behind with 'em as it is." + +Thus admonished, Elkan lapsed into silence; and for more than half an +hour he pursued his duties diligently. + +"_Nu!_" Redman said at length. "What's the matter you are acting so +quiet this afternoon?" + +"What d'ye mean I am acting quiet, Mr. Redman?" Elkan asked. "I am +thinking--that's all. Without a feller would think once in a while, Mr. +Redman, he remains a cutter all his life." + +"There's worser things as cutters," Redman commented. "For +instance--assistant cutters." + +"Sure, I know," Elkan agreed; "but salesmen is a whole lot better as +cutters _oder_ assistant cutters. A salesman sees life, Mr. Redman. He +meets oncet in a while people, Mr. Redman; while, with us, what is it? +We are shut up here like we would be sitting in prison--ain't it?" + +"You ain't got no kick coming," Redman said. "A young feller only going +on eighteen, understand me, is getting ten dollars a week and he kicks +yet. Sitting in prison, _sagt er_! Maybe you would like the concern they +should be putting in moving pictures here or a phonygraft!" + +Elkan sighed heavily by way of reply and for a quarter of an hour longer +he worked in quietness, until Redman grew worried at his assistant's +unusual taciturnity. + +"What's the trouble you ain't talking, Lubliner?" he said. "Don't you +feel so good?" + +Elkan looked up. He was about to say that he felt all right when +suddenly he received the germ of an inspiration, and in the few seconds +that he hesitated it blossomed into a well-defined plan of action. He +therefore emitted a faint groan and laid down his shears. + +"I got a _krank_ right here," he said, placing his hand on his left +side. "Ever since last week I got it." + +"Well, why don't you say something about it before?" Redman cried +anxiously; for be it remembered that Elkan Lubliner was not only the +cousin of Marcus Polatkin but the adopted nephew of Philip Scheikowitz +as well. "You shouldn't let such things go." + +"The fact is," Elkan replied, "I didn't want to say nothing about it to +Mr. Polatkin on account he's got enough to worry him with this here +Appenweier & Murray's account; and----" + +"You got that account on the brain," Redman interrupted. "If you don't +feel so good you should go home. Leave me fix it for you." + +As he spoke he hastily buttoned on his collar and left the cutting room, +while Elkan could not forego a delighted grin. After all, he reflected, +he had worked steadily for over a year and a half with only such +holidays as the orthodox ritual ordained; and he was so busy making +plans for his first afternoon of freedom that he nearly forgot to groan +again when Redman came back with Marcus Polatkin at his heels. + +"_Nu_, Elkan!" Marcus said. "What's the matter? Don't you feel good?" + +"I got a _krank_ right here," Elkan replied, placing his hand on his +right side. "I got it now pretty near a week already." + +"Well, maybe you should sit down for the rest of the afternoon and file +away the old cutting slips," Marcus said, whereat Elkan moaned and +closed his eyes. + +"I filed 'em away last week already," he murmured. "I think maybe if I +would lay in bed the rest of the afternoon I would be all right +to-morrow." + +Marcus gazed earnestly at his cousin, whose sufferings seemed to be +intensified thereby. + +"All right, Elkan," he said. "Go ahead. Go home and tell Mrs. Feinermann +she should give you a little _Brusttee_; and if you don't feel better in +the morning don't take it so particular to get here early." + +Elkan nodded weakly and five minutes later walked slowly out of the +factory. He took the stairs only a little less slowly, but he gradually +increased his speed as he proceeded along Wooster Street, until by the +time he was out of sight of the firm's office windows he was fairly +running. Thus he arrived at his boarding place on Pitt Street in less +than half an hour--just in time to interrupt Mrs. Sarah Feinermann as +she was about to start on a shopping excursion uptown. Mrs. Feinermann +exclaimed aloud at the sight of him, and her complexion grew perceptibly +less florid, for his advent in Pitt Street at that early hour could have +but one meaning. + +"What's the matter--you are getting fired?" she asked. + +"What d'ye mean--getting fired?" Elkan replied. "I ain't fired. I got an +afternoon off." + +Mrs. Feinermann heaved a sigh of relief. As the recipient of Elkan's +five dollars a week board-money, payable strictly in advance, she +naturally evinced a hearty interest in his financial affairs. Moreover, +she was distantly related to Elkan's father; and owing to this kinship +her husband, Marx Feinermann, foreman for Kupferberg Brothers, was of +the impression that she charged Elkan only three dollars and fifty cents +a week. The underestimate more than paid Mrs. Feinermann's millinery +bill, and she was consequently under the necessity of buying Elkan's +silence with small items of laundry work and an occasional egg for +breakfast. This arrangement suited Elkan very well indeed; and though he +had eaten his lunch only an hour previously he thought it the part of +prudence to insist that she prepare a meal for him, by way of +maintaining his privileges as Mrs. Feinermann's fellow conspirator. + +"But I am just now getting dressed to go uptown," she protested. + +"Where to?" he demanded. + +"I got a little shopping to do," she said; and Elkan snapped his fingers +in the conception of a brilliant idea. + +"Good!" he exclaimed. "I would go with you. In three minutes I would +wash myself and change my clothes--and I'll be right with you." + +"But I got to stop in and see Marx first," she insisted. "I want to tell +him something." + +"I wanted to tell him something lots of times already," Elkan said +significantly; and Mrs. Feinermann sat down in the nearest chair while +Elkan disappeared into the adjoining room and performed a hasty toilet. + +"_Schon gut_," he said as he emerged from his room five minutes later; +"we would go right up to Appenweier & Murray's." + +"But I ain't said I am going up to Appenweier & Murray's," Mrs. +Feinermann cried. "Such a high-price place I couldn't afford to deal +with at all." + +"I didn't say you could," Elkan replied; "but it don't do no harm to get +yourself used to such places, on account might before long you could +afford to deal there maybe." + +"What d'ye mean I could afford to deal there before long?" Mrs. +Feinermann inquired. + +"I mean this," Elkan said, and they started down the stairs--"I mean, if +things turn out like the way I want 'em to, instead of five dollars a +week I would give you five dollars and fifty cents a week." Here he +paused on the stair-landing to let the news sink in. + +"And furthermore, if you would act the way I tell you to when we get up +there I would also pay your carfare," he concluded--"one way." + + * * * * * + +When Mrs. Feinermann entered Appenweier & Murray's store that afternoon +she was immediately accosted by a floorwalker. + +"What do you wish, madam?" he said. + +"I want to buy something a dress for my wife," Elkan volunteered, +stepping from behind the shadow of Mrs. Feinermann, who for her +thirty-odd years was, to say the least, buxom. + +"Your wife?" the floorwalker repeated. + +"Sure; why not?" Elkan replied. "Maybe I am looking young, but in +reality I am old; so you should please show us the dress department, +from twenty-two-fifty to twenty-eight dollars the garment." + +The floorwalker ushered them into the elevator and they alighted at the +second floor. + +"Miss Holzmeyer!" the floorwalker cried; and in response there +approached a lady of uncertain age but of no uncertain methods of +salesmanship. She was garbed in a silk gown that might have graced the +person of an Austrian grand duchess, and she rustled and swished as she +walked toward them in what she had always found to be a most impressive +manner. + +"The lady wants to see some dresses," the floorwalker said; and Miss +Holzmeyer smiled by a rather complicated process, in which her nose +wrinkled until it drew up the corners of her mouth and made her eyes +appear to rest like shoe-buttons on the tops of her powdered cheeks. + +"This way, madam," she said as she swung her skirts round noisily. + +"One moment," Elkan interrupted, for again he had been totally eclipsed +by Mrs. Feinermann's bulky figure. "You ain't heard what my wife wants +yet." + +"Your wife!" Miss Holzmeyer exclaimed. + +"Sure, my wife," Elkan replied calmly. "This is my wife if it's all the +same to you and you ain't got no objections." + +He gazed steadily at Miss Holzmeyer, who began to find her definite +methods of salesmanship growing less definite, until she blushed +vividly. + +"Not at all," she said. "Step this way, please." + +"Yes, Miss Holzmeyer," Elkan went on without moving, "as I was telling +you, you ain't found out yet what my wife wants, on account a dress +could be from twenty dollars the garment up to a hundred and fifty." + +"We have dresses here as high as three hundred!" Miss Holzmeyer snapped. +She had discerned that she was beginning to be embarrassed in the +presence of this self-possessed benedick of youthful appearance, and she +resented it accordingly. + +"I ain't doubting it for a minute," Elkan replied. "New York is full of +suckers, Miss Holzmeyer; but me and my wife is looking for something +from twenty-two-fifty to twenty-eight dollars, Miss Holzmeyer." + +Miss Holzmeyer's temper mounted with each repetition of her surname, and +her final "Step this way, please!" was uttered in tones fairly tremulous +with rage. + +Elkan obeyed so leisurely that by the time Mrs. Feinermann and he had +reached the rear of the showroom Miss Holzmeyer had hung three dresses +on the back of a chair. + +"H'allow me," Elkan said as he took the topmost gown by the shoulders +and held it up in front of him. He shook out the folds and for more than +five minutes examined it closely. + +"I didn't want to see nothing for seventeen-fifty," he announced at +last--"especially from last year's style." + +"What do you mean?" Miss Holzmeyer cried angrily. "That dress is marked +twenty-eight dollars and it just came in last week. It's a very smart +model indeed." + +"The model I don't know nothing about," Elkan replied, "but the salesman +must of been pretty smart to stuck you folks like that." + +He subjected another gown to a careful scrutiny while Miss Holzmeyer +sought the showcases for more garments. + +"Now, this one here," he said, "is better value. How much you are asking +for this one, please?" + +Miss Holzmeyer glanced at the price ticket. + +"Twenty-eight dollars," she replied, with an indignant glare. + +Elkan whistled incredulously. + +"You don't tell me," he said. "I always heard it that the expenses is +high uptown, but even if the walls was hung _mit_ diamonds yet, Miss +Holzmeyer, your bosses wouldn't starve neither. Do you got maybe a dress +for twenty-eight dollars which it is worth, anyhow, twenty-five +dollars?" + +This last jibe was too much for Miss Holzmeyer. + +"Mis-ter Lap-in!" she howled, and immediately a glazed mahogany door in +an adjoining partition burst open and Max Lapin appeared on the floor of +the showroom. + +"What's the matter?" he asked. + +Miss Holzmeyer sat down in the nearest chair and fanned herself with her +pocket handkerchief. + +"This man insulted me!" she said; whereat Max Lapin turned savagely to +Elkan. + +"What for you are insulting this lady?" he demanded as he made a rapid +survey of Elkan's physical development. He was quite prepared to defend +Miss Holzmeyer's honour in a fitting and manly fashion; but, during the +few seconds that supervened his question, Max reflected that you can +never tell about a small man. + +"What d'ye mean insult this lady?" Elkan asked stoutly. "I never says a +word to her. Maybe I ain't so long in the country as you are, but I got +just so much respect for the old folks as anybody. Furthermore, she is +showing me here garments which, honest, Mister--er----" + +"Lapin," Max said. + +"Mister Lapin, a house with the reputation of Appenweier & Murray +shouldn't ought to got in stock at all." + +"Say, lookyhere, young feller," Lapin cried, "what are you driving into +anyway? I am buyer here, and if you got any kick coming tell it to me, +and don't go insulting the salesladies." + +"I ain't insulted no saleslady, Mr. Lapin," Elkan declared. "I am coming +here to buy for my wife a dress and certainly I want to get for my money +some decent value; and when this lady shows me a garment like this"--he +held up the topmost garment--"and says it is from this year a model, +understand me, naturally I got my own idees on the subject." + +Lapin looked critically at the garment in question. + +"Did you get this style from that third case there, Miss Holzmeyer?" he +asked, and Miss Holzmeyer nodded. + +"Well, that whole case is full of leftovers and I don't want it +touched," Lapin said. "Now go ahead and show this gentleman's wife some +more models; and if he gets fresh let me know--that's all." + +"One minute, Mr. Lapin," Elkan said. "Will you do me the favour and let +me show you something?" + +He held up the garment last exhibited by Miss Holzmeyer and pointed to +the yoke and its border. + +"This here garment Miss Holzmeyer shows me for twenty-eight dollars, +Mr. Lapin," he said, "and with me and my wife here a dollar means to us +like two dollars to most people, Mr. Lapin. So when I am seeing the +precisely selfsame garment like this in Fine Brothers' for twenty-six +dollars, but the border is from silk embroidery, a peacock's tail +design, and the yoke is from gilt net yet, understand me, I got to say +something--ain't it?" + +Lapin paused in his progress toward his office and even as he did so +Elkan's eyes strayed to a glass-covered showcase. + +"Why, there is a garment just like Fine Brothers' model!" he exclaimed. + +"Say, lookyhere!" Lapin demanded as he strode up to the showcase and +pulled out the costume indicated by Elkan. "What are you trying to tell +me? This here model is thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents; so, if you +can get it for twenty-six at Fine Brothers', go ahead and do it!" + +"But, Mr. Lapin," Elkan said, "that ain't no way for a buyer of a big +concern like this to talk. I am telling you, so sure as you are standing +there and I should never move from this spot, the identical selfsame +style Fine Brothers got it for twenty-six dollars. I know it, Mr. Lapin, +because we are making up that garment in our factory yet, and Fine +Brothers takes from us six of that model at eighteen-fifty apiece." + +At this unguarded disclosure Lapin's face grew crimson with rage. + +"You are making it up in your factory!" he cried. "Why, you dirty faker +you, what the devil you are coming round here bluffing that you want to +buy a dress for your wife for?" + +Elkan broke into a cold perspiration and looked round for Mrs. +Feinermann, the substantial evidence of his marital state; but at the +very beginning of Max Lapin's indignant outburst she had discreetly +taken the first stairway to the right. + +"Bring that woman back here!" Max roared. Miss Holzmeyer made a dash for +the stairway, and before Elkan had time to formulate even a tentative +plan of escape she had returned with her quarry. + +"What do you want from me?" Mrs. Feinermann gasped. Her hat was awry, +and what had once been a modish pompadour was toppled to one side and +shed hairpins with every palsied nod of her head. "I ain't done +nothing!" she protested. + +"Sure, you ain't," Elkan said; "so you should keep your mouth +shut--that's all." + +"I would keep my mouth shut _oder_ not as I please," Mrs. Feinermann +retorted. "Furthermore, you ain't got no business to get me mixed up in +this _Geschichte_ at all!" + +"Who are you two anyway?" Max demanded. + +"This here feller is a young feller by the name of Elkan Lubliner which +he is working by Polatkin & Scheikowitz," Mrs. Feinermann announced; +"and what he is bringing me up here for is more than I could tell you." + +"Ain't he your husband?" Max asked. + +"_Oser a Stueck!_" Mrs. Feinermann declared fervently. "A kid like him +should be my husband! An idee!" + +"That's all right," Elkan rejoined. "_Im Russland_ at my age many a +young feller is got twins yet!" + +"What's that got to do with it?" Max Lapin demanded. + +"It ain't got nothing to do with it," Elkan said, "but it shows that a +young feller like me which he is raised in the old country ain't such a +kid as you think for, Mr. Lapin. And when I am telling you that the +concern which sells you them goods to retail for twenty-eight dollars is +sticking you good, understand me, you could take my word for it just the +same like I would be fifty-five even." + +Again he seized one of the garments. + +"And what's more," he went on breathlessly, "the workmanship is rotten. +Look at here!--the seams is falling to pieces already!" + +He thrust the garment under Lapin's nose with one hand, while with the +other he dug down into his trousers pocket. + +"Here!" he shouted. "Here is money--fifty dollars!" + +He dropped the gown and held out a roll of bills toward Lapin. + +"Take it!" he said hysterically. "Take it all; and if I don't bring you +to-morrow morning, first thing, this same identical style, only +A-number-one workmanship, which you could retail for twenty dollars a +garment, understand me, keep the money and _fertig_." + +At this juncture the well-nourished figure of Louis Appenweier, senior +member of Appenweier & Murray, appeared in the door of the elevator and +Max Lapin turned on his heel. + +"Come into my office," he hissed; and as he started for the glazed +mahogany door he gathered up the remaining garments and took them with +him. + +For more than half an hour Elkan and Max Lapin remained closeted +together, and during that period Elkan conducted a clinic over each +garment to such good purpose that Max sent out from time to time for +more expensive styles. All of these were in turn examined by Elkan, who +recognized in at least six models the designs of Joseph Redman, slightly +altered in the stealing by Leon Sammet. + +"Yes, Mr. Lapin," Elkan said, "them models was all designed by our own +designer and some one _ganvered_ 'em on us. Furthermore, I could bring +you here to-morrow morning at eight o'clock from our sample racks these +same identical models, with the prices on 'em marked plain like the +figures on a ten-dollar bill, understand me; and if they ain't from +twenty to thirty per cent. lower as you paid for these here garments I'd +eat 'em!" + +For at least ten minutes Max Lapin sat with knitted brows and pondered +Elkan's words. + +"Eight o'clock is too early," he announced at last. "Make it half-past +nine." + +"Six, even, ain't too early for an up-to-date buyer to look at some +genuine bargains," Elkan insisted; "and, besides, I must got to get back +to the shop at nine." + +"But----" Lapin began. + +"But nothing, Mr. Lapin," Elkan said, rising to his feet. "Make it eight +o'clock, and the next time I would come round at half-past nine." + +"What d'ye mean the next time?" Lapin exclaimed. + +"I mean this wouldn't be the last time we do business together, because +the job as assistant cutter which I got it is just temporary, Mr. +Lapin," he said as he started for the door--"just temporary--that's +all." + +He paused with his hand on the doorknob. + +"See you at eight o'clock to-morrow morning," he said cheerfully; and +five minutes later he was having hard work to keep from dancing his way +down Thirty-third Street to the subway. + + * * * * * + +From half-past seven in the morning until six at night were the working +hours of all Polatkin & Scheikowitz's employees, save only Sam +Markulies, the shipping clerk, whose duty it was to unlock the shop at +quarter-past seven sharp. This hour had been fixed by Philip Scheikowitz +himself, who, on an average of once a month, would stroll into the +shipping department at closing-time and announce his intention of going +to a wedding that evening. Sometimes the proposed excursion was a +pinocle party or a visit to the theatre, but the denouement was always +the same. The next morning Scheikowitz would arrive at the factory door +precisely at quarter-past seven to find Markulies from five to ten +minutes late; whereupon Markulies would receive his discharge, to take +effect the following Saturday night--and for the ensuing month his +punctuality was assured. + +During the quarter of an hour which preceded the arrival of the other +employees, Markulies usually dusted the office and showroom; and on the +morning following Elkan's holiday this solitary duty was cheered by the +presence of Harry Flaxberg. Harry had sought the advice of counsel the +previous day and had been warned against tardiness as an excuse for his +discharge; so he was lounging on the sidewalk long before Markulies's +arrival that morning. + +"_Nu_, Mr. Flaxberg," Markulies cried, "what brings you round so early?" + +"I couldn't sleep last night," Flaxberg said; "so I thought I might just +so well be here as anywhere." + +"Ain't that the funniest thing!" Markulies cried. "Me I couldn't sleep +neither. I got something on my mind." + +He unlocked the door as he spoke; and as he passed up the stairs he +declared again that he had something on his mind. + +"_Yow!_" Flaxberg said. "I should got your worries, Markulies. The +simple little things which a shipping clerk must got to do would _oser_ +give anybody the nervous prostration." + +"Is that so?" Markulies retorted. "Well, I ain't just the shipping clerk +here, Mr. Flaxberg. You must remember I am in charge with the keys also, +Mr. Flaxberg; and I got responsibilities if some one _ganvers_ a couple +sample garments once in a while, y'understand--right away they would +accuse me that I done it." + +"Don't worry yourself, Markulies," Flaxberg said. "I ain't going to +_ganver_ no garments on you--not this morning anyhow." + +"You I ain't worrying about at all," Markulies rejoined; "but that young +bloodsucker, Lubliner, Mr. Flaxberg--that's something else again. +Actually that young feller is to me something which you could really +call a thorn in my pants, Mr. Flaxberg. Just because he is assistant +cutter here and I am only the shipping clerk he treats me like I would +be the dirt under his feet. Only last night, Mr. Flaxberg, I am locking +up the place when that feller comes up the stairs and says to me I +should give him the key, as he forgets a package which he left behind +him. Mind you, it is already half-past six, Mr. Flaxberg; and ever since +I am living up in the Bronix, Mr. Flaxberg, I am getting kicked out of +six places where I am boarding on account no respectable family would +stand it, Mr. Flaxberg, that a feller comes, night after night, nine +o'clock to his dinner." + +"You was telling me about Lubliner," Flaxberg reminded him. + +"Sure, I know," Markulies continued. "So I says to him the place is +closed and that's all there is to it. With that, Mr. Flaxberg, the +feller takes back his hand--so--and he gives me a _schlag_ in the +stummick, which, honest, if he wouldn't be from Mr. Polatkin a relation, +Mr. Flaxberg, I would right then and there killed him." + +For two minutes he patted gently that portion of his anatomy where +Elkan's blow had landed. + +"He's a dangerous feller, Mr. Flaxberg," he went on, "because, just so +soon as he opens the door after I am giving him the key, Mr. Flaxberg, +he shuts it in my face and springs the bolt on me, Mr. Flaxberg--and +there I am standing _bis_ pretty near eight o'clock, understand me, till +that feller comes out again. By the time I am at my room on Brook +Avenue, Mr. Flaxberg, the way Mrs. Kaller speaks to me you would think I +was a dawg yet. How should I know she is getting tickets for the +theaytre that evening, Mr. Flaxberg? And anyhow, Mr. Flaxberg, if people +could afford to spend their money going on theaytre, understand me, they +don't need to keep boarders at all--especially when I am getting night +after night boiled _Brustdeckel_ only. I says to her, 'Mrs. Kaller,' I +says to her, 'why don't you give me once in a while a change?' I +says----" + +"Did Lubliner have anything with him when he came out?" Flaxberg +interrupted. + +"Well, sure; he'd got the package he forgets, and how a feller could +forget a package that size, Mr. Flaxberg--honestly, you wouldn't believe +at all! That's what it is to be a relation to the boss, Mr. Flaxberg. +If I would got such a memory, understand me, I would of been fired long +since already. Yes, Mr. Flaxberg, I says to Mrs. Kaller, 'For three +and a half dollars a week a feller should get night after night +_Brustdeckel_--it's a shame--honest!' I says; and--_stiegen_! There's +Mr. Scheikowitz!" + +As he spoke he seized a feather duster and began to wield it vigorously, +so that by the time Philip Scheikowitz reached the showroom door a dense +cloud of dust testified to Markulies's industry. + +"That'll do, Sam!" Philip cried. "What do you want to do here--choke us +all to death?" + +Gradually the dust subsided and disclosed to Philip's astonished gaze +Harry Flaxberg seated on a sample table and apparently lost in the +perusal of the _Daily Cloak and Suit Record_. + +"Good-morning, Mr. Scheikowitz," he said heartily, but Philip only +grunted in reply. Moreover, he walked hurriedly past Flaxberg and closed +the office door behind him with a resounding bang, for he, too, had +sought the advice of counsel the previous evening; and on that advice he +had left his bed before daylight, only to find himself forestalled by +the wily Flaxberg. Nor was his chagrin at all decreased by Polatkin, who +had promised to meet his partner at quarter-past seven. Instead he +arrived an hour later and immediately proceeded to upbraid Scheikowitz +for Flaxberg's punctuality. + +"What do you mean that feller gets here before you?" he cried. "Didn't +you hear it the lawyer distinctively told you you should get here before +Flaxberg, and when Flaxberg arrives you should tell him he is fired on +account he is late? Honestly, Scheikowitz, I don't know what comes over +you lately the way you are acting. Here we are paying the lawyer ten +dollars he should give us an advice, understand me, and we might just so +well throw our money in the streets!" + +"But Flaxberg wasn't late, Polatkin," Scheikowitz protested. "He was +early." + +"Don't argue with me, Scheikowitz," Polatkin said. "Let's go outside and +talk to him." + +Philip shrugged despairingly as they walked to the office door. + +"Flaxberg," he began as he discerned the city salesman again using a +sample table for a footstool, "don't let us disturb you if you ain't +through reading the paper yet." + +"Yes, Flaxberg," Polatkin added, "you could get down here so early like +you would be sleeping in the place all night yet, and what is it? Take +from the table the feet, Flaxberg, and be a man. We got something to say +to you." + +"Go ahead, Mr. Polatkin," Flaxberg said as he leisurely brought his feet +to the floor. "I'm listening." + +"In the first place, Flaxberg," Polatkin said, "did it ever occur to you +that, even if your uncle would got fired up to Appenweier & Murray's, +Redman designs for us a line of garments here which them people might be +interested in anyhow?" + +"_Yow_, they would be interested in our line!" Flaxberg cried. "Lapin +wouldn't buy only Sammet Brothers' line if we got Worth and Paquin both +working for us as designers. You couldn't convince him otherwise, Mr. +Polatkin." + +"That's all right," Polatkin went on; "but it wouldn't do no harm for +you to anyhow see the feller and show him a couple garments which we got +it here. Take for instance them 1080's, which we are selling Fine +Brothers, _oder_ that 2060--that overskirt effect with the gilt net +yoke and peacock-feather-design braid, Flaxberg. Them two styles made a +big hit, Flaxberg. They are all hanging on that end rack there, +Flaxberg, and you could look at 'em for yourself." + +Polatkin walked across the showroom to the rack in question. + +"Especially the 2060's," he said as he pulled aside the heavy denim +curtain which protected the contents of the rack, "which you could +really say is----" + +Here he paused abruptly--for, with the exception of a dozen wooden +hangers, the rack was empty. + +"What's this, Scheikowitz?" he cried with a sweep of his hand in the +direction of the rack. "Where is all them 1080's and 2060's?" + +Hastily the two partners examined every rack in the showroom; and not +only did they fail to discover the missing samples, but they ascertained +that, in addition, seven other choice styles had disappeared. + +"See maybe is Redman using 'em in the cutting room," Scheikowitz +suggested; and forthwith they made a canvass of the cutting room and +factory, in which they were joined by Markulies. + +"What is the matter, Mr. Scheikowitz?" he asked. + +"We are missing a dozen sample garments," Scheikowitz replied. + +"Missing!" Markulies loudly exclaimed. "What d'ye mean--missing, Mr. +Scheikowitz? Last night, when I was covering up the racks, everything +was in place." + +Suddenly a wave of recollection swept over him and he gave tongue like a +foxhound. + +"Oo-oo-ee!" he wailed and sank into the nearest chair. + +"Markulies," Polatkin cried out, "for Heaven's sake, what is it?" + +"He must of _ganvered_ 'em!" Markulies wailed. "Right in front of my +eyes he done it." + +"Who done it?" Scheikowitz cried. + +"Lubliner," Markulies moaned. + +"Lubliner!" Polatkin cried. "Do you mean Elkan Lubliner?" + +"That's what I said," Markulies went on. "Comes half-past six last +night, and that _ganef_ makes me a _schlag_ in the stummick, Mr. +Polatkin; and the first thing you know he goes to work and steals from +me my keys, Mr. Polatkin, and cleans out the whole place yet." + +"Lubliner was here last night after we are going home?" Polatkin asked. + +"Sure, he was," Markulies replied--"at half-past six yet." + +"Then that only goes to show what a liar you are," Polatkin declared, +"because myself I am letting Elkan go home at one o'clock on account the +feller is so sick, understand me, he could hardly walk out of the place +at all. Furthermore, he says he is going right straight to bed when he +leaves here; so, if you want to explain how it is the garments disappear +when you are in the place here alone, Markulies, go ahead with your +lies. Might Mr. Scheikowitz stole 'em maybe--or I did! What?" + +Markulies began to rock and sway in an agony of woe. + +"I should never stir from this here chair, Mr. Polatkin," Markulies +protested, "and my mother also, which I am sending her to +Kalvaria--regular like clockwork--ten dollars a month, she should +never walk so far from here _bis_ that door, if that _ganef_ didn't +come in here last night and make away with the garments!" + +"_Koosh!_" Polatkin bellowed, and made a threatening gesture toward +Markulies just as Scheikowitz stepped forward. + +"That'll do, Polatkin," he said. "If the feller lies we could easy prove +it--ain't it? In the first place, where is Elkan?" + +"He must of been sick this morning on account he ain't here yet," +Polatkin said. + +"_Schon gut_," Scheikowitz rejoined; "if he ain't here he ain't here, +_verstehst du_, _aber_ he is boarding with Mrs. Feinermann, which her +husband is Kupferberg Brothers' foreman--ain't it?" + +Polatkin nodded and Scheikowitz turned to Markulies. + +"Markulies," he said, "do me the favour and stop that! You are making me +dizzy the way you are acting. Furthermore, Markulies, you should put on +right away your hat and run over to Kupferberg Brothers' and say to Mr. +B. Kupferberg you are coming from Polatkin & Scheikowitz, and ask him is +he agreeable he should let Marx Feinermann come over and see us--and if +he wants to know what for tell him we want to get from him a +recommendation for a feller which is working for us." + +He turned to his partner as Markulies started for the stairway. + +"And a helluva recommendation we would get from him, too, I bet yer!" he +added. "Wasserbauer tells me Elkan was in his place yesterday, and, +though he don't watch every bit of food a customer puts into his mouth, +understand me, he says that he eats dill pickles one right after the +other; and then, Polatkin, the young feller gets right up and walks +right out of the place without giving any order even. Wasserbauer says +he knows it was Elkan because one day I am sending him over to look for +you there. Wasserbauer asks him the simple question what he wants you +for, and right away Elkan acts fresh to him like anything." + +"He done right to act fresh," Polatkin said as they walked back to the +showroom. "What is it Wasserbauer's business what you want me for?" + +"But how comes a young feller like him to be eating at Wasserbauer's?" +Scheikowitz continued. "Where does he get the money from he should eat +there?" + +"The fact is"--said Flaxberg, who up to this point had remained a silent +listener to the entire controversy--"the fact is, Mr. Scheikowitz, +yesterday I am taking pity on the feller on account he is looking sick; +and I took him into Wasserbauer's and invited him he should eat a little +something." + +Here he paused and licked his lips maliciously. + +"And though I don't want to say nothing against the feller, understand +me," he continued, "he begins right away to talk about horseracing." + +"Horseracing?" Polatkin cried. + +Flaxberg nodded and made a gesture implying more plainly than the words +themselves: "Can you beat it?" + +"Horseracing!" Scheikowitz repeated. "Well, what do you think of that +for a lowlife bum?" + +"And when I called him down for gambling, Mr. Polatkin, he walks right +out, so independent he is. Furthermore, though it's none of my business, +Mr. Polatkin," Flaxberg went on, "Markulies tells me this morning early +the same story like he tells you--before he knew the goods was missing +even." + +"Sure, I believe you," Polatkin retorted. "He was getting the whole +thing fixed up beforehand. That's the kind of _Rosher_ he is." + +As he spoke Markulies entered, and there followed on his heels the +short, stout figure of Marx Feinermann. + +"What did I told you?" Markulies cried. "The feller ain't home sick at +all. He eats his supper last night, and this morning he is got two eggs +for his breakfast even." + +"S'nough, Markulies!" Polatkin interrupted. "You got too much to say for +yourself. Sit down, Feinermann, and tell us what is the reason Elkan +ain't here this morning." + +"You tell me and I would tell you," Feinermann replied. "All I know is +the feller leaves my house the usual time this morning; only before he +goes he acts fresh to my wife like anything, Mr. Polatkin. He kicks the +coffee ain't good, even when my wife is giving him two eggs to his +breakfast anyhow. What some people expects for three-fifty a week you +wouldn't believe at all!" + +"What do you mean--three-fifty a week?" Polatkin demanded. "He pays your +wife five dollars a week _schon_ six months ago already. He told me so +himself." + +"I ain't responsible for what that boy tells you," Feinermann said +stolidly. "All I know is he pays me three-fifty a week; and you would +think he is used to eating chicken every day from _zu Hause_ yet, the +way he is all the time kicking about his food." + +Markulies snorted indignantly. + +"He should got the _Machshovos_ Mrs. Kaller hands it to me," he +said--"_gekochte Brustdeckel_ day in, day out; and then I am accused +that I steal samples yet! I am sick and tired of it!" + +"_Stiegen!_" Polatkin cried. "Listen here to me, Feinermann. Do you mean +to told me the boy ain't paying you five dollars a week board?" + +As Feinermann opened his mouth to reply the showroom door opened and +Elkan himself entered. + +"Loafer!" Scheikowitz roared. "Where was you?" + +Elkan made no reply, but walked to the centre of the showroom. + +"Mr. Polatkin," he said, "could I speak to you a few words something?" + +Polatkin jumped to his feet. + +"Before you speak to me a few words something," he said, "I want to ask +you what the devil you are telling me lies that you pay Mrs. Feinermann +five dollars a week board?" + +"What are you bothering about that for now?" Scheikowitz interrupted. +"And, anyhow, you could see by the way the feller is red like blood that +he lies to you." + +"Furthermore," Feinermann added, "my wife complains to me last night +that young loafer takes her uptown yesterday on a wild fool's errand, +understand me, and together they get pretty near kicked out of a +drygoods store." + +"She told you that, did she?" Elkan cried. + +"That's what I said!" Feinermann retorted. + +"Then, if that's the case, Feinermann," Elkan replied, "all I can say +is, I am paying your wife five dollars a week board _schon_ six months +already, and if she is holding out on you a dollar and a half a week +that's her business--not mine." + +"Don't make things worser as they are, Lubliner," Flaxberg advised. "You +are in bad, anyhow, and lying don't help none. What did you done with +the samples you took away from here?" + +"What is it your business what I done with 'em?" Elkan retorted. + +"Don't get fresh, Elkan!" Polatkin said. "What is all this about, +anyhow? First, you are leaving here yesterday on account you are sick; +next, you are going uptown with Mrs. Feinermann and get kicked out of a +drygoods store; then you come back here and steal our samples." + +"Steal your samples!" Elkan cried. + +"You admitted it yourself just now," Flaxberg interrupted. "You are a +thief as well as a liar!" + +Had Flaxberg's interest in sport extended to pugilism, he would have +appreciated the manner in which Elkan's chest and arm muscles began to +swell under his coat, even if the ominous gleam in Elkan's dark eyes had +provided no other warning. As it was, however, Elkan put into practice +the knowledge gained by a nightly attendance at the gymnasium on East +Broadway. He stepped back two paces, and left followed right so rapidly +to the point of Flaxberg's jaw that the impact sounded like one blow. + +Simultaneously Flaxberg fell back over the sample tables and landed with +a crash against the office partition just as the telephone rang loudly. +Perhaps it was as well for Flaxberg that he was unprepared for the +onslaught, since, had he been in a rigid posture, he would have +assuredly taken the count. Beyond a cut lip, however, and a lump on the +back of his head, he was practically unhurt; and he jumped to his feet +immediately. Nor was he impeded by a too eager audience, for Markulies +and Feinermann had abruptly fled to the farthermost corner of the +cutting room, while Marcus and Philip had ducked behind a sample rack; +so that he had a clear field for the rush he made at Elkan. He yelled +with rage as he dashed wildly across the floor, but the yell terminated +with an inarticulate grunt when Elkan stopped the rush with a drive +straight from the shoulder. It found a target on Flaxberg's nose, and he +crumpled up on the showroom floor. + +For two minutes Elkan stood still and then he turned to the sample +racks. + +"Mr. Polatkin," he said, "the telephone is ringing." + +Polatkin came from behind the rack and automatically proceeded to the +office, while Scheikowitz peeped out of the denim curtains. + +"You got to excuse me, Mr. Scheikowitz," Elkan murmured. "I couldn't +help myself at all." + +"You've killed him!" Scheikowitz gasped. + +"_Yow!_ I've killed him!" Elkan exclaimed. "It would take a whole lot +more as that to kill a bum like him." + +He bent over Flaxberg and shook him by the shoulder. + +"Hey!" he shouted in his ear. "You are ruining your clothes!" + +Flaxberg raised his drooping head and, assisted by Elkan, regained his +feet and staggered to the water-cooler, where Elkan bathed his streaming +nostrils with the icy fluid. + +At length Scheikowitz stirred himself to action just as Polatkin +relinquished the 'phone. + +"Markulies," Scheikowitz shouted, "go out and get a policeman!" + +"Don't do nothing of the kind, Markulies!" Polatkin declared. "I got +something to say here too." + +He turned severely to Elkan. + +"Leave that loafer alone and listen to me," he said. "What right do you +got to promise deliveries on them 2060's in a week?" + +"I thought----" Elkan began. + +"You ain't got no business to think," Polatkin interrupted. "The next +time you are selling a concern like Appenweier & Murray don't promise +nothing in the way of deliveries, because with people like them it's +always the same. If you tell 'em a week they ring you up and insist on +it they would got to got the goods in five days." + +He put his hand on Elkan's shoulder; and the set expression of his face +melted until his short dark moustache disappeared between his nose and +his under lip in a widespread grin. + +"Come inside the office," he said--"you too, Scheikowitz. Elkan's got a +long story he wants to tell us." + + * * * * * + +Half an hour later, Sam Markulies knocked timidly at the office door. + +"Mr. Polatkin," he said, "Marx Feinermann says to me to ask you if he +should wait any longer on account they're very busy over to Kupferberg +Brothers'." + +"Tell him he should come in here," Polatkin said; and Markulies withdrew +after gazing in open-mouthed wonder at the spectacle of Elkan Lubliner +seated at Polatkin's desk, with one of Polatkin's mildest cigars in his +mouth, while the two partners sat in adjacent chairs and smiled on Elkan +admiringly. + +"You want to speak to me, Mr. Polatkin?" Feinermann asked, as he came in +a moment afterward. + +"Sure," Polatkin replied as he handed the astonished Feinermann a cigar. +"Sit down, Feinermann, and listen to me. In the first place, Feinermann, +what for a neighborhood is Pitt Street to live in? Why don't you move +uptown, Feinermann?" + +"A foreman is lucky if he could live in Pitt Street even," Feinermann +said. "You must think I got money, Mr. Polatkin." + +"How much more a month would it cost you to live uptown?" Polatkin +continued. "At the most ten dollars--ain't it?" + +Feinermann nodded sadly. + +"To a man which he is only a foreman, Mr. Polatkin, ten dollars is ten +dollars," he commented. + +"Sure, I know," Polatkin said; "but instead of five dollars a week +board, Elkan would pay you seven dollars a week, supposing you would +move up to Lenox Avenue. Ain't that right, Elkan?" + +"Sure, that's right," Elkan said. "Only, if I am paying him seven +dollars a week board, he must got to give Mrs. Feinermann a dollar and a +half extra housekeeping money. Is that agreeable, Feinermann?" + +Again Feinermann nodded. + +"Then that's all we want from you, Feinermann," Polatkin added, "except +I want to tell you this much: I am asking Elkan he should come uptown +and live with me; and he says no--he would prefer to stick where he +is." + +Feinermann shrugged complacently. + +"I ain't got no objections," he said as he withdrew. + +"And now, Elkan," Polatkin cried, "we got to fix it up with the other +feller." + +Hardly had he spoken when there stood framed in the open doorway the +disheveled figure of Flaxberg. + +"_Nu_, Flaxberg," Polatkin said. "What d'ye want from us now?" + +"I am coming to tell you this, Mr. Polatkin," Flaxberg said thickly +through his cut and swollen lips: "I am coming to tell you that I'm sick +and so you must give me permission to go home." + +"Nobody wants you to stay here, Flaxberg," Polatkin answered. + +"Sure, I know," Flaxberg rejoined; "but if I would go home without your +consent you would claim I made a breach of my contract." + +"Don't let that worry you in the least, Flaxberg," Polatkin retorted, +"because, so far as that goes, we fire you right here and now, on +account you didn't make no attempt to sell Appenweier & Murray, when a +boy like Elkan, which up to now he wasn't even a salesman at all, could +sell 'em one thousand dollars goods." + +Flaxberg's puffed features contorted themselves in an expression of +astonishment. + +"Lubliner sells Appenweier & Murray a bill of goods!" he exclaimed. + +By way of answer Polatkin held out the order slip for Flaxberg's +inspection. + +"That's all right," Flaxberg declared. "I would make it hot for you +anyhow! You put this young feller up to it that he pretty near kills +me." + +"_Yow!_ We put him up to it!" Polatkin retorted. "You put him up to it +yourself, Flaxberg. You are lucky he didn't break your neck for you; +because, if you think you could sue anybody in the courts yet, we got +for witness Feinermann, Markulies and ourselves that you called him a +liar and a thief." + +"_Nu_, Polatkin," Scheikowitz said, "give him say a hundred dollars and +call it square." + +"You wouldn't give me five hundred dollars," Flaxberg shouted as he +started for the door, "because I would sue you in the courts for five +thousand dollars yet." + +Flaxberg banged the door violently behind him, whereat Polatkin shrugged +his shoulders. + +"Bluffs he is making it!" he declared; and forthwith he began to unfold +plans for Elkan's new campaign as city salesman. He had not proceeded +very far, however, when there came another knock at the door. It was Sam +Markulies. + +"Mr. Flaxberg says to me I should ask you if he should wait for the +hundred dollars a check, or might you would mail it to him maybe!" he +said. + +Scheikowitz looked inquiringly at his partner. + +"Put on it, 'In full of all claims against Polatkin & Scheikowitz or +Elkan Lubliner to date,'" he said. "And when you get through with that, +Scheikowitz, write an 'ad' for an assistant cutter. We've got to get +busy on that Appenweier & Murray order right away." + + + + +CHAPTER THREE + +A MATCH FOR ELKAN LUBLINER + +MADE IN HEAVEN, WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF MAX KAPFER + + +"I wouldn't care if Elkan Lubliner was only eighteen even," declared +Morris Rashkind emphatically; "he ain't too young to marry B. Maslik's a +_Tochter_. There's a feller which he has got in improved property alone, +understand me, an equity of a hundred to a hundred and fifty thousand +dollars; and if you would count second mortgages and Bronix lots, Mr. +Polatkin, the feller is worth easy his quarter of a million dollars." + +"Sure I know," Polatkin retorted. "With such a feller, he gives his +daughter when she gets married five thousand dollars a second mortgage, +understand me; and the most the _Chosan_ could expect is that some day +he forecloses the mortgage and gets a deficiency judgment against a +dummy bondsman which all his life he never got money enough to pay his +laundry bills even!" + +"_Oser a Stueck!_" Rashkind protested. "He says to me, so sure as you are +sitting there, 'Mr. Rashkind,' he says, 'my dear friend,' he says, +'Birdie is my only _Tochter_. I ain't got no other one,' he says, '_Gott +sei Dank_,' he says; 'and the least I could do for her is five thousand +dollars cash,' he says, 'in a certified check,' he says, 'before the +feller goes under the _Chuppah_ at all.'" + +"With a feller like B. Maslik," Polatkin commented, "it ain't necessary +for him to talk that way, Rashkind, because if he wants to get an +up-to-date business man for his daughter, understand me, he couldn't +expect the feller is going to take chances on an uncertified check +_oder_ a promissory note." + +"That's all right, Mr. Polatkin," Rashkind said. "B. Maslik's promissory +note is just so good as his certified check, Mr. Polatkin. With that +feller I wouldn't want his promissory note even. His word in the +presence of a couple of bright, level-headed witnesses, which a lawyer +couldn't rattle 'em on the stand, _verstehst du_, would be good enough +for me, Mr. Polatkin. B. Maslik, y'understand, is absolutely good like +diamonds, Mr. Polatkin." + +"All right," Polatkin said. "I'll speak to Elkan about it. He'll be back +from the road Saturday." + +"Speak nothing," Rashkind cried excitedly. "Saturday would be too late. +Everybody is working on this here proposition, Mr. Polatkin. Because the +way property is so dead nowadays all the real estaters tries to be a +_Shadchen_, understand me; so if you wouldn't want Miss Maslik to slip +through Elkan's fingers, write him this afternoon yet. I got a fountain +pen right here." + +As he spoke he produced a fountain pen of formidable dimensions and +handed it to Polatkin. + +"I'll take the letter along with me and mail it," Rashkind continued as +Marcus made a preliminary flourish. + +"Tell him," Rashkind went on, "that the girl is something which you +could really call beautiful." + +"I wouldn't tell him nothing of the sort," Polatkin said, "because, in +the first place, what for a _Schreiber_ you think I am anyway? And, in +the second place, Rashkind, Elkan is so full of business, understand me, +if I would write him to come home on account this here Miss Maslik is +such a good-looker he wouldn't come at all." + +Rashkind shrugged. + +"Go ahead," he said. "Do it your own way." + +For more than five minutes Polatkin indited his message to Elkan and at +last he inclosed it in an envelope. + +"How would you spell Bridgetown?" he asked. + +"Which Bridgetown?" Rashkind inquired--"Bridgetown, Pennsylvania, _oder_ +Bridgetown, Illinois?" + +"What difference does that make?" Polatkin demanded. + +"About the spelling it don't make no difference," Rashkind replied. +"Bridgetown is spelt B-r-i-d-g-e-t-a-u-n, all the world over; _aber_ if +it's Bridgetown, Pennsylvania, that's a very funny quincidence, on +account I am just now talking to a feller which formerly keeps a store +there by the name Flixman." + +"Do you mean Julius Flixman?" Marcus asked as he licked the envelope. + +"That's the feller," Rashkind said with a sigh as he pocketed the letter +to Elkan. "It's a funny world, Mr. Polatkin. Him and me comes over +together in one steamer yet, thirty years ago; and to-day if that +feller's worth a cent he's worth fifty thousand dollars." + +"Sure, I know," Marcus agreed; "and _Gott soll hueten_ you and I should +got what he's got it. He could drop down in the streets any moment, +Rashkind." Rashkind nodded as he rose to his feet. + +"In a way, it's his own fault," he said, "because a feller which he +could afford to ride round in taxicabs yet ain't got no business walking +the streets in his condition. I told him this morning: 'Julius,' I says, +'if I was one of your heirs,' I says to him, 'I wouldn't want nothing +better as to see you hanging round the real-estate exchange, looking the +way you look!' And he says to me: 'Rashkind,' he says, 'there is a whole +lot worser things I could wish myself as you should be my heir,' he +says. 'On account,' he says, 'if a _Schlemiel_ like you would got a +relation which is going to leave you money, Rashkind,' he says, 'it +would be just your luck that the relation dies one day after you do, +even if you would live to be a hundred.'" + +He walked toward the door and paused on the threshold. + +"Yes, Mr. Polatkin," he concluded, "you could take it from me, if that +feller's got heart disease, Mr. Polatkin, it ain't from overworking it. +So I would ring you up to-morrow afternoon three o'clock and see if +Elkan's come yet." + +"I'm agreeable," Polatkin declared; "only one thing I got to ask you: +you should keep your mouth shut to my partner, on account if he hears it +that I am bringing back Elkan from the road just for this here Miss +Maslik, understand me, he would never let me hear the end of it." + +Rashkind made a reassuring gesture with his right arm after the fashion +of a swimmer who employs the overhand stroke. + +"What have I got to do with your partner?" he said as he started for the +elevator. "If I meet him in the place, I am selling buttons and you +don't want to buy none. Ain't it?" + +Polatkin nodded and turned to the examination of a pile of monthly +statements by way of dismissing the marriage broker. Moreover, he felt +impelled to devise some excuse for sending for Elkan, so that he might +have it pat upon the return from lunch of his partner, Philip +Scheikowitz, who at that precise moment was seated in the rear of +Wasserbauer's cafe, by the side of Charles Fischko. + +"Yes, Mr. Scheikowitz," Fischko said, "if you would really got the +feller's interest in heart, understand me, you wouldn't wait till +Saturday at all. Write him to-day yet, because this proposition is +something which you could really call remarkable, on account most girls +which they got five thousand dollars dowries, Mr. Scheikowitz, ain't got +five-thousand-dollar faces; _aber_ this here Miss Maslik is something +which when you are paying seventy-five cents a seat on theaytre, +understand me, you don't see such an elegant-looking _Gesicht_. She's a +regular doll, Mr. Scheikowitz!" + +"Sure, I know," Scheikowitz agreed; "that's the way it is with them +dolls, Fischko--takes a fortune already to dress 'em." + +Fischko flapped the air indignantly with both hands. + +"That's where you are making a big mistake," he declared. "The Masliks +got living in the house with 'em a girl which for years already she +makes all Miss Maslik's dresses and Mrs. Maslik's also. B. Maslik told +me so himself, Mr. Scheikowitz. He says to me: 'Fischko,' he says, 'my +Birdie is a girl which she ain't accustomed she should got a lot of +money spent on her,' he says; 'the five thousand dollars is practically +net,' he says, 'on account his expenses would be small.'" + +"Is she a good cook?" Scheikowitz asked. + +"A good cook!" Fischko cried. "Listen here to me, Mr. Scheikowitz. You +know that a _Shadchen_ eats sometimes in pretty swell houses. Ain't it?" + +Scheikowitz nodded. + +"Well, I am telling you, Mr. Scheikowitz, so sure as I am sitting here, +that I got in B. Maslik's last Tuesday a week ago already a piece of +plain everyday _gefuellte Hechte_, Mr. Scheikowitz, which honestly, if +you would go to Delmonico's _oder_ the Waldorfer, understand me, you +could pay as high as fifty cents for it, Mr. Scheikowitz, and it +wouldn't be--I am not saying better--but so good even as that there +_gefuellte Hechte_ which I got it by B. Maslik." + +Scheikowitz nodded again. + +"All right, Fischko," he said, "I will write the boy so soon as I get +back to the office yet; but one thing I must beg of you: don't say a +word about this to my partner, y'understand, because if he would hear +that I am bringing home Elkan from the road just on account of this +_Shidduch_ you are proposing, understand me, he would make my life +miserable." + +Fischko shrugged his shoulders until his head nearly disappeared into +his chest. + +"What would I talk to your partner for, Mr. Scheikowitz?" he said. "I am +looking to you in this here affair; so I would stop round the day after +to-morrow afternoon, Mr. Scheikowitz, and if your partner asks me +something a question, I would tell him I am selling thread _oder_ +buttons." + +"Make it buttons," Scheikowitz commented, as he rose to his feet; +"because we never buy buttons from nobody but the Prudential Button +Company." + +On his way back to his office Scheikowitz pondered a variety of reasons +for writing Elkan to return, and he had tentatively adopted the most +extravagant one when, within a hundred feet of his business premises, he +encountered no less a personage than Julius Flixman. + +"_Wie geht's_, Mr. Flixman?" he cried. "What brings you to New York?" + +Flixman saluted Philip with a limp handclasp. + +"I am living here now," he said. "I am giving up my store in Bridgetown +_schon_ six months ago already, on account I enjoyed such poor health +there. So I sold out to a young feller by the name Max Kapfer, which was +for years working by Paschalson, of Sarahcuse; and I am living here, as +I told you." + +"With relations maybe?" Philip asked. + +"_Yow_, relations!" Flixman replied. "I used to got one sister living in +Bessarabia, Mr. Scheikowitz, and I ain't heard from her in more as +thirty years, and I guess she is dead all right by this time. I am +living at a hotel which I could assure you the prices they soak me is +something terrible." + +"And what are you doing round this neighborhood, Mr. Flixman?" Philip +continued by way of making conversation. + +"I was just over to see a lawyer over on Center Street," Flixman +replied. + +"A lawyer on Center Street!" Philip exclaimed. "A rich man like you +should got a lawyer on Wall Street, Mr. Flixman. Henry D. Feldman is our +lawyer, and----" + +"Don't mention that sucker to me!" Flixman interrupted. "Actually the +feller is got the nerve to ask me a hundred dollars for drawing a will, +and this here feller on Center Street wants only fifty. I bet yer if I +would go round there to-morrow or the next day he takes twenty-five +even." + +"But a will is something which is really important, Mr. Flixman." + +"Not to me it ain't, Scheikowitz, because, while I couldn't take my +money with me, Scheikowitz, I ain't got no one to leave it to; so, if I +wouldn't make a will it goes to the state--ain't it?" + +"Maybe," Philip commented. + +"So I am leaving it to a Talmud Torah School, which it certainly don't +do no harm that all them young loafers over on the East Side should +learn a little _Loschen Hakodesch_. Ain't it?" + +"Sure not," Philip said. + +"Well," Flixman concluded as he took a firmer grasp on his cane +preparatory to departing, "that's the way it goes. If I would got +children to leave my money to I would say: 'Yes; give the lawyer a +hundred dollars.' But for a Talmud Torah School I would see 'em all dead +first before I would pay fifty even." + +He nodded savagely in farewell and shuffled off down the street, while +Philip made his way toward the factory, with his half-formed excuse to +his partner now entirely forgotten. + +He tried in vain to recall it when he entered his office a few minutes +later, but the sight of his partner spurred him to action and +immediately he devised a new and better plan. + +"Marcus," he said, "write Elkan at once he should come back to the +store. I just seen Flixman on the street and he tells me he's got a +young feller by the name Karpfer _oder_ Kapfer now running his store; +and," he continued in an access of inspiration, "the stock is awful run +down there; so, if Elkan goes right back to Bridgetown with a line of +low-priced goods he could do a big business with Kapfer." + +Polatkin had long since concocted what he had conceived to be a +perfectly good excuse for his letter, and he had intended to lend it +color by prefacing it with an abusive dissertation on "Wasting the Whole +Afternoon over Lunch"; but Scheikowitz' greeting completely disarmed +him. His jaw dropped and he gazed stupidly at his partner. + +"What's the matter?" Scheikowitz cried. "Is it so strange we should +bring Elkan back here for the chance of doing some more business? Three +dollars carfare between here and Bridgetown wouldn't make or break us, +Polatkin." + +"Sure! Sure!" Marcus said at last. "I would--now--write him as soon as I +get back from lunch." + +"Write him right away!" Scheikowitz insisted; and, though Marcus had +breakfasted before seven that morning and it was then half-past two, he +turned to his desk without further parley. There, for the second time +that day, he penned a letter to Elkan; and, after exhibiting it to his +partner, he inclosed it in an addressed envelope. Two minutes later he +paused in front of Wasserbauer's cafe and, taking the missive from his +pocket, tore it into small pieces and cast it into the gutter. + + * * * * * + +"I suppose, Elkan, you are wondering why we wrote you to come home from +Bridgetown when you would be back on Saturday anyway," Scheikowitz began +as Elkan laid down his suitcase in the firm's office the following +afternoon. + +"Naturally," Elkan replied. "I had an appointment for this morning to +see a feller there, which we could open maybe a good account; a feller +by the name Max Kapfer." + +"Max Kapfer?" Polatkin and Scheikowitz exclaimed with one voice. + +"That's what I said," Elkan repeated. "And in order I shouldn't lose the +chance I got him to promise he would come down here this afternoon yet +on a late train and we would pay his expenses." + +"Do you mean Max Kapfer, the feller which took over Flixman's store?" +Polatkin asked. + +"There's only one Max Kapfer in Bridgetown," Elkan replied, and Polatkin +immediately assumed a pose of righteous indignation. + +"That's from yours an idee, Scheikowitz," he said. "Not only you make +the boy trouble to come back to the store, but we also got to give this +feller Kapfer his expenses yet." + +"What are you kicking about?" Scheikowitz demanded. "You seemed +agreeable to the proposition yesterday." + +"I got to seem agreeable," Polatkin retorted as he started for the door +of the factory, "otherwise it would be nothing but fight, fight, fight +_mit_ you, day in, day out." + +He paused at the entrance and winked solemnly at Elkan. + +"I am sick and tired of it," he concluded as he supplemented the wink +with a significant frown, and when he passed into the factory Elkan +followed him. + +"What's the matter now?" Elkan asked anxiously. + +"I want to speak to you a few words something," Polatkin began; but +before he could continue Scheikowitz entered the factory. + +"Did you got your lunch on the train, Elkan?" Scheikowitz said; +"because, if not, come on out and we'll have a cup coffee together." + +"Leave the boy alone, can't you?" Polatkin exclaimed. + +"I'll go right out with you, Mr. Scheikowitz," Elkan said as he edged +away to the rear of the factory. "Go and put on your hat and I'll be +with you in a minute." + +When Scheikowitz had reentered the office Elkan turned to Marcus +Polatkin. + +"You ain't scrapping again," he said, "are you?" + +"_Oser a Stueck_," Polatkin answered. "We are friendly like lambs; but +listen here to me, Elkan. I ain't got no time before he'll be back +again, so I'll tell you. As a matter of fact, it was me that wrote you +to come back, really. I got an elegant _Shidduch_ for you." + +"_Shidduch!_" Elkan exclaimed. "For me?" + +"Sure," Polatkin whispered. "A fine-looking girl by the name Birdie +Maslik, _mit_ five thousand dollars. Don't say nothing to Scheikowitz +about it." + +"But," Elkan said, "I ain't looking for no _Shidduch_." + +"S-ssh!" Polatkin hissed. "Her father is B. Maslik, the 'Pants King.' +To-morrow night you are going up to see her _mit_ Rashkind, the +_Shadchen_." + +"What the devil you are talking about?" Elkan asked. + +"Not a word," Polatkin whispered out of one corner of his mouth. "Here +comes Scheikowitz--and remember, don't say nothing to him about it. +Y'understand?" + +Elkan nodded reluctantly as Scheikowitz reappeared from the office. + +"_Nu_, Elkan," Scheikowitz demanded, "are you coming?" + +"Right away," Elkan said, and together they proceeded downstairs. + +"Well, Elkan," Scheikowitz began when they reached the sidewalk, "you +must think we was crazy to send for you just on account of this here +Kapfer. Ain't it?" + +Elkan shrugged in reply. + +"But, as a matter of fact," Scheikowitz continued, "Kapfer ain't got no +more to do with it than Elia Hanove; and, even though Polatkin would be +such a crank that I was afraid for my life to suggest a thing, it was my +idee you should come home, Elkan, because in a case like this delays is +dangerous." + +"Mr. Scheikowitz," Elkan pleaded, "do me the favour and don't go beating +bushes round. What are you trying to drive into?" + +"I am trying to drive into this, Elkan," Scheikowitz replied: "I have +got for you an elegant _Shidduch_." + +"_Shidduch!_" Elkan exclaimed. "For me? Why, Mr. Scheikowitz, I don't +want no _Shidduch_ yet a while; and anyhow, Mr. Scheikowitz, if I would +get married I would be my own _Shadchen_." + +"_Schmooes_, Elkan!" Scheikowitz exclaimed. "A feller which is his own +_Shadchen_ remains single all his life long." + +"That suits me all right," Elkan commented as they reached +Wasserbauer's. "I would remain single _und fertig_." + +"What d'ye mean, you would remain single?" Scheikowitz cried. "Is some +one willing to pay you five thousand dollars you should remain single, +Elkan? _Oser a Stueck_, Elkan; and, furthermore, this here Miss Birdie +Maslik is got such a face, Elkan, which, honest, if she wouldn't have a +cent to her name, understand me, you would say she is beautiful anyhow." + +"Miss Birdie Maslik!" Elkan murmured. + +"B. Maslik's a _Tochter_," Scheikowitz added; "and remember, Elkan, +don't breathe a word of this to Polatkin, otherwise he would never get +through talking about it. Moreover, you will go up to Maslik's house +to-morrow night with Charles Fischko, the _Shadchen_." + +"Now listen here to me, Mr. Scheikowitz," Elkan protested. "I ain't +going nowheres with no _Shadchen_--and that's all there is to it." + +"_Aber_, Elkan," Scheikowitz said, "this here Fischko ain't a _Shadchen_ +exactly. He's really a real-estater, _aber_ real estate is so dead +nowadays the feller must got to make a living somehow; so it ain't like +you would be going somewheres _mit_ a _Shadchen_, Elkan. Actually you +are going somewheres _mit_ a real-estater. Ain't it?" + +"It don't make no difference," Elkan answered stubbornly. "If I would go +and see a girl I would go alone, otherwise not at all. So, if you insist +on it I should go and see this here Miss Maslik to-morrow night, Mr. +Scheikowitz, I would do so, but not with Rashkind." + +"Fischko," Scheikowitz interrupted. + +"Fischko _oder_ Rashkind," Elkan said--"that's all there is to it. And +if I would get right back to the store I got just time to go up to the +Prince Clarence and meet Max Kapfer; so you would excuse me if I skip." + +"Think it over Elkan," Scheikowitz called after him as Elkan left the +cafe, and three quarters of an hour later he entered Polatkin & +Scheikowitz' showroom accompanied by a fashionably attired young man. + +"Mr. Polatkin," Elkan said, "shake hands with Mr. Kapfer." + +"How do you do, Mr. Kapfer?" Polatkin cried. "This here is my partner, +Philip Scheikowitz." + +"How do you do, Mr. Scheikowitz?" Kapfer said. "You are very +conveniently located here. Right in the heart of things, so to speak. I +see across the street is Bleimauer & Gittelmann. Them people was in to +see me last week already and offered me a big bargain in velvet suits, +but I was all stocked up along that line so I didn't hand them no +orders." + +"Velvet suits ain't our specialty at all," Polatkin replied; "but I bet +yer if we never seen a velvet suit in all our lives, Mr. Kapfer, we +could work you up a line of velvet suits which would make them velvet +suits of Bleimauer & Gittelmann look like a bundle of rags." + +"I don't doubt it," Kapfer rejoined; "but, as I said before, velvet +suits I am all stocked up in, as I couldn't afford to carry very many of +'em." + +"That's all right," Polatkin said as he led the way to the showroom. "We +got a line of garments here, Mr. Kapfer, which includes all prices and +styles." He handed Max a large mild cigar as he spoke. "So let's see if +we couldn't suit you," he concluded. + +For more than two hours Max Kapfer examined Polatkin & Scheikowitz' +sample line and made so judicious a selection of moderate-priced +garments that Polatkin could not forbear expressing his admiration, +albeit the total amount of the purchase was not large. + +"You certainly got the right buying idee, Mr. Kapfer," he said. "Them +styles is really the best value we got." + +"I know it," Kapfer agreed. "I was ten years with Paschalson, of +Sarahcuse, Mr. Polatkin, and what I don't know about a popular-price +line of ladies' ready-to-wear garments, underwear and millinery, +Paschalson couldn't learn me. But that ain't what I'm after, Mr. +Polatkin. I'd like to do some high-price business too. If I had the +capital I would improve my store building and put in new fixtures, +understand me, and I could increase my business seventy-five per cent +and carry a better class of goods too." + +"Sure, I know," Polatkin said as they returned to the office. "Everybody +needs more capital, Mr. Kapfer. We ourselves could do with a few +thousand dollars more." + +He looked significantly at Elkan, who colored slightly as he recognized +the allusion. + +"I bet yer," Scheikowitz added fervently. "Five thousand dollars would +be welcome to us also." He nodded almost imperceptibly at Elkan, who +forthwith broke into a gentle perspiration. + +"Five thousand was just the figure I was thinking of myself," Kapfer +said. "With five thousand dollars I could do wonders in Bridgetown, Mr. +Scheikowitz." + +"I'm surprised Flixman don't help you out a bit," Elkan suggested by way +of changing the subject, and Kapfer emitted a mirthless laugh. + +"That bloodsucker!" he said. "What, when I bought his store, Mr. +Scheikowitz, he took from me in part payment notes at two, four, and six +months; and, though I got the cash ready to pay him the last note, +which it falls due this week already, I asked him he should give me two +months an extension, on account I want to put in a few fixtures on the +second floor. Do you think that feller would do it? He's got a heart +like a rock, Mr. Polatkin; and any one which could get from him his +money must got to blast it out of him with dynamite yet." + +Polatkin nodded solemnly. + +"You couldn't tell me nothing about Flixman," he said as he offered +Kapfer a consolatory cigar. "It's wasting your lungs to talk about such +a feller at all; so let's go ahead and finish up this order, Mr. Kapfer, +and afterward Elkan would go uptown with you." He motioned Kapfer to a +seat and then looked at his watch. "I didn't got no idee it was so +late," he said. "Scheikowitz, do me the favor and go over Mr. Kapfer's +order with him while I give a look outside and see what's doing in the +shop." + +As he walked toward the door he jerked his head sideways at Elkan, who a +moment later followed him into the factory. + +"Listen, Elkan," he began. "While you and Scheikowitz was out for your +coffee, Rashkind rings me up and says you should meet him on the corner +of One Hundred and Twentieth Street and Lenox Avenue to-night--not +to-morrow night--at eight o'clock sure." + +"But Kapfer ain't going back to Bridgetown to-night," Elkan protested. +"He told me so himself on account he is got still to buy underwear, +millinery and shoes." + +"What is that our business?" Polatkin asked. "He's already bought from +us all he's going to; so, if he stays here, let them underwear and +millinery people entertain him. Blow him to dinner and that would be +plenty." + +Once more Elkan shrugged despairingly. + +"You didn't say nothing to Scheikowitz about it, did you?" Polatkin +inquired. + +"Sure I didn't say nothing to him about it," Elkan said; "because----" + +"Elkan," Scheikowitz called from the office, "Mr. Kapfer is waiting for +you." + +Elkan had been about to disclose the conversation between himself and +Scheikowitz at Wasserbauer's that afternoon, but Marcus, at the +appearance of his partner, turned abruptly and walked into the cutting +room; and thus, when Elkan accompanied Max Kapfer uptown that evening, +his manner was so preoccupied by reason of his dilemma that Kapfer was +constrained to comment on it. + + * * * * * + +"What's worrying you, Lubliner?" he asked as they seated themselves in +the cafe of the Prince Clarence. "You look like you was figuring out the +interest on the money you owe." + +"I'll tell you the truth, Mr. Kapfer," Elkan began, "I would like to +ask you an advice about something." + +"Go as far as you like," Kapfer replied. "It don't make no difference if +a feller would be broke _oder_ in jail, he could always give somebody +advice." + +"Well, it's like this," Elkan said, and forthwith he unfolded the +circumstances attending his return from Bridgetown. + +"_Nu!_" Kapfer commented when Elkan concluded his narrative. "What is +that for something to worry about?" + +"But the idee of the thing is wrong," Elkan protested. "In the first +place, I got lots of time to get married, on account I am only +twenty-one, Mr. Kapfer; and though a feller couldn't start in too early +in business, Mr. Kapfer, getting married is something else again. To my +mind a feller should be anyhow twenty-five before he jumps right in and +gets married." + +"With some people, yes, and others, no," Kapfer rejoined. + +"And in the second place," Elkan went on, "I don't like this here +_Shadchen_ business. We are living in America, not _Russland_; and in +America if a feller gets married he don't need no help from a +_Shadchen_, Mr. Kapfer." + +"No," Kapfer said, "he don't need no help, Lubliner; but, just the same, +if some one would come to me any time these five years and says to me, +here is something a nice girl, understand me, with five thousand +dollars, y'understand, I would have been married _schon_ long since +already." He cleared his throat judicially and sat back in his chair +until it rested against the wall. "The fact is, Lubliner," he said, "you +are acting like a fool. What harm would it do supposing you would go up +there to-night with this here Rashkind?" + +"What, and go there to-morrow night with Fischko!" Elkan exclaimed. +"Besides, if I would go up there to-night with Rashkind and the deal is +closed, understand me, might Fischko would sue Mr. Scheikowitz in the +court yet." + +"Not at all," Kapfer declared. "Fischko couldn't sue nobody but B. +Maslik; so never mind waiting here for dinner. Hustle uptown and keep +your date with Rashkind." He shook Elkan by the hand. "Good luck to you, +Lubliner," he concluded heartily; "and if you got the time stop in on +your way down to-morrow morning and let me know how you come out." + + * * * * * + +When Elkan Lubliner arrived at the corner of One Hundred and Twentieth +Street and Lenox Avenue that evening, it might well be supposed that he +would have difficulty in recognizing Mr. Rashkind, since neither he nor +Rashkind had any previous acquaintance. However, he accosted without +hesitation a short, stout person arrayed in a wrinkled frock coat and +wearing the white tie and gold spectacles that invariably garb the +members of such quasi-clerical professions as a _Shadchen_, a sexton or +the collector of subscriptions for a charitable institution. Indeed, as +Rashkind combined all three of these callings with the occupation of a +real-estate broker, he also sported a high silk hat of uncertain vintage +and a watch-chain bearing a Masonic emblem approximating in weight and +size a tailor's goose. + +"This is Mr. Rashkind, ain't it?" Elkan asked, and Rashkind bowed +solemnly. + +"My name is Mr. Lubliner," Elkan continued, "and Mr. Polatkin says you +would be here at eight." + +For answer Mr. Rashkind drew from his waistcoat pocket what appeared to +be a six-ounce boxing glove, but which subsequently proved to be the +chamois covering of his gold watch, the gift of Rambam Lodge, No. 142, +I. O. M. A. This Mr. Rashkind consulted with knit brows. + +"That's right," he said, returning the watch and its covering to his +pocket--"eight o'clock to the minute; so I guess we would just so well +go round to B. Maslik's house if you ain't got no objections." + +"I'm agreeable," Elkan said; "but, before we start, you should please be +so good and tell me what I must got to do." + +"What you must got to do?" Rashkind exclaimed. "A question! You mustn't +got to do nothing. Act natural and leave the rest to me." + +"But," Elkan insisted as they proceeded down Lenox Avenue, "shouldn't I +say something to the girl?" + +"Sure, you should say something to the girl," Rashkind replied; "but, if +you couldn't find something to say to a girl like Miss Birdie Maslik, +all I could tell you is you're a bigger _Schlemiel_ than you look." + +With this encouraging ultimatum, Mr. Rashkind entered the portals of a +hallway that glittered with lacquered bronze and plaster porphyry, and +before Elkan had time to ask any more questions he found himself seated +with Mr. Rashkind in the front parlour of a large apartment on the +seventh floor. + +"Mr. Maslik says you should be so good and step into the dining room," +the maid said to Mr. Rashkind. Forthwith he rose to his feet and left +Elkan alone in the room, save for the presence of the maid, who drew +down the shades and smiled encouragingly on Elkan. + +"Ain't it a fine weather?" she asked. + +Elkan looked up, and he could not resist smiling in return. + +"Elegant," he replied. "It don't seem like summer was ever going to +quit." + +"It couldn't last too long for me," the maid continued. "Might some +people would enjoy cold weather maybe; but when it comes to going up on +the roof, understand me, and hanging out a big wash, the summer is good +enough for me." + +Elkan gazed for a moment at her oval face, with its kindly, intelligent +brown eyes. + +"You mean to say you got to do washing here?" he asked in shocked +accents. + +"Sure I do," she replied; "_aber_ this winter I am going to night school +again and next summer might I would get a job as bookkeeper maybe." + +"But why don't you get a job in a store somewheres?" he asked. + +"I see myself working in a store all day, standing on my feet yet, and +when I get through all my wages goes for board!" she replied. "Whereas, +here I got anyhow a good room and board, and all what I earn I could put +away in savings bank. I worked in a store long enough, Mr.----" + +"Lubliner," Elkan said. + +"----Mr. Lubliner; and I could assure you I would a whole lot sooner do +housework," she went on. "Why should a girl think it's a disgrace she +should do housework for a living is more as I could tell you. Sooner or +later a girl gets married, and then she must got to do her own +housework." + +"Not if her husband makes a good living," Elkan suggested. + +"Sure, I know," she rejoined; "but how many girls which they are working +in stores gets not a rich man, understand me, but a man which is only +making, say, for example, thirty dollars a week. The most that a poor +girl expects is that she marries a poor man, y'understand, and then they +work their way up together." + +Elkan nodded. Unconsciously he was indorsing not so much the matter as +the manner of her conversation, for she spoke with the low voice that +distinguishes the Rumanian from the Pole or Lithuanian. + +"You are coming from Rumania, ain't it?" Elkan asked. + +"Pretty near there," the maid replied. "Right on the border. I am coming +here an orphan five years ago; and----" + +"_Nu_, Lubliner," cried a rasping voice from the doorway, "we got our +appointment for nothing--Miss Maslik is sick." + +"That's too bad," Elkan said perfunctorily. + +"Only a little something she eats gives her a headache," Rashkind went +on. "We could come round the day after to-morrow night." + +"That's too bad also," Elkan commented, "on account the day after +to-morrow night I got a date with a customer." + +"Well, anyhow, B. Maslik would be in in a minute and----" + +Elkan rose to his feet so abruptly that he nearly sent his chair through +a cabinet behind him. + +"If I want to be here Friday night," he said, "I must see my customer +to-night yet; so, young lady, if you would be so kind to tell Mr. Maslik +I couldn't wait, but would be here Friday night with this +here--now--gentleman. Come on, Rashkind." + +He started for the hall door almost on a run, with Rashkind +gesticulating excitedly behind him; but, before the _Shadchen_ could +even grasp his coattails he had let himself hurriedly out and was taking +the stairs three at a jump. + +"Hey!" Rashkind shouted as he plunged down the steps after Elkan. +"What's the matter with you? Don't you want to meet Mr. Maslik?" + +Elkan only hurried the faster, however, for in the few minutes he had +been alone in the room with the little brown-eyed maid he had made the +discovery that marriage with the aid of a _Shadchen_ was impossible for +him. Simultaneously he conceived the notion that marriage without the +aid of a _Shadchen_ might after all be well worth trying; and, as this +idea loomed in his mind, his pace slackened until the _Shadchen_ +overtook him at the corner of One Hundred and Sixteenth Street. + +"Say, lookyhere, Lubliner!" Rashkind said. "What is the matter with you +anyway?" + +Elkan professed to misunderstand the question. + +"I've lost my address book," he said. "I had it in my hand when you left +me alone there and I must of forgotten it; so I guess I'll go back and +get it." + +"All right," Rashkind replied. "I'll go with you." + +Elkan wheeled round and glared viciously at the _Shadchen_. + +"You'll do nothing of the kind!" he roared. "You get right down them +subway steps or I wouldn't come up with you Friday night." + +"But what harm----" Rashkind began, when Elkan seized him by the +shoulder and led him firmly downstairs to the ticket office. There Elkan +bought a ticket and, dropping it in the chopper's box, he pushed +Rashkind on to the platform. A few minutes later a downtown express bore +the _Shadchen_ away and Elkan ascended the stairs in three tremendous +bounds. Unwaveringly he started up the street for B. Maslik's apartment +house, where, by the simple expedient of handing the elevator boy a +quarter, he averted the formality of being announced. Thus, when he rang +the doorbell of B. Maslik's flat, though it was opened by the little +brown-eyed maid in person, she had discarded the white apron and cap +that she had worn a few minutes before, and her hair was fluffed up in +becoming disorder. + +"You was telling me you are coming originally from somewheres near +Rumania," Elkan began without further preface, "and--why, what's the +matter? You've been crying?" + +She put her fingers to her lips and closed the door softly behind her. +"They says I didn't got no business talking to you at all," she replied, +"and they called me down something terrible!" + +Elkan's eyes flashed angrily. + +"Who calls you down?" he demanded. + +"Mr. and Mrs. Maslik," she answered; "and they says I ain't got no shame +at all!" + +She struggled bravely to retain her composure; but just one little +half-strangled sob escaped her, and forthwith Elkan felt internally a +peculiar sinking sensation. + +"What do they mean you ain't got no shame?" he protested. "I got a right +to talk to you and you got a right to talk to me--ain't it?" + +She nodded and sobbed again, whereat Elkan winced and dug his nails into +the palms of his hands. + +"Listen!" he pleaded. "Don't worry yourself at all. After this I +wouldn't got no use for them people. I didn't come here on my own +account in the first place, but----" + +Here he paused. + +"But what?" the little maid asked. + +"But I'm glad I came now," Elkan went on defiantly, "and I don't care +who knows it. _Wir sind alles Jehudim_, anyhow, and one is just as good +as the other." + +"Better even," she said. "What was B. Maslik in the old country? He +could _oser_ sign his name when he came here, while I am anyhow from +decent, respectable people, Mr. Lubliner." + +"I don't doubt it," Elkan replied. + +"My father was a learned man, Mr. Lubliner; but that don't save him. One +day he goes to Kishinef on business, Mr. Lubliner, and----" + +Here her composure entirely forsook her and she covered her face with +her hands and wept. Elkan struggled with himself no longer. He took the +little maid in his arms; and, as it seemed the most natural thing in the +world to do, she laid her head against his shoulder and had her whole +cry out. + +Elkan spoke no word, but patted her shoulder gently with his right hand. + +"I guess I'm acting like a baby, Mr. Lubliner," she said, after a +quarter of an hour had elapsed. To Elkan it seemed like an acquaintance +of many months as he clasped her more closely. + +"My name is Elkan, _Liebchen_," he said, "and we would send all the +heavy washing out." + + * * * * * + +"Well, Lubliner," Kapfer cried as Elkan came into the cafe of the Prince +Clarence the following morning, "you didn't like her--what?" + +"Didn't like her!" Elkan exclaimed. "What d'ye mean I didn't like her?" + +"Why, the way you look, I take it you had a pretty rotten time last +night," Kapfer rejoined. + +"What are you talking about--rotten time?" Elkan protested. "The only +thing is I feel so happy I didn't sleep a wink, that's all." + +Kapfer jumped to his feet and slapped Elkan on the shoulder. + +"Do you mean you're engaged!" he asked. + +"Sure!" Elkan replied. + +"Then I congradulate you a thousand times," Kapfer said gleefully. + +"Once is plenty," Elkan replied. + +"No, it ain't," Kapfer rejoined. "You should got to be congradulated +more as you think, because this morning I am talking to a feller in the +clothing business here and he says B. Maslik is richer as most people +believe. The feller says he is easy worth a quarter of a million +dollars." + +"What's that got to do with it?" Elkan asked. + +"What's that got to do with it?" Kapfer repeated. "Why, it's got +everything to do with it, considering you are engaged to his only +daughter." + +"I am engaged to his only daughter? Who told you that, Mr. Kapfer?" + +"Why, you did!" Kapfer said. + +"I never said nothing of the kind," Elkan declared, "because I ain't +engaged to Miss Maslik at all; in fact, I never even seen her." + +Kapfer gazed earnestly at Elkan and then sat down suddenly. + +"Say, lookyhere, Lubliner," he said. "Are you crazy or am I? Last night +you says you are going up with a _Shadchen_ to see Birdie Maslik, and +now you tell me you are engaged, but not to Miss Maslik." + +"That's right," Elkan replied. + +"Then who in thunder are you engaged to?" + +"That's just the point," Elkan said, as he passed his hand through his +hair. "I ain't slept a wink all night on account of it; in fact, this +morning I wondered should I go round there and ask--and then I thought +to myself I would get from you an advice first." + +"Get from me an advice!" Kapfer exclaimed. "You mean you are engaged to +a girl and you don't know her name, and so you come down here to ask me +an advice as to how you should find out her name?" + +Elkan nodded sadly and leaned his elbow on the table. + +"It's like this," he said; and for more than half an hour he regaled +Kapfer with a story that, stripped of descriptive and irrelevant +material concerning Elkan's own feelings in the matter, ought to have +taken only five minutes in the telling. + +"And that's the way it is, Mr. Kapfer," Elkan concluded. "I don't know +her name; but a poor little girl like her, which she is so good--and +so--and so----" + +Here he became all choked up and Kapfer handed him a cigar. + +"Don't go into that again, Lubliner," Kapfer said; "you told me how +good she is six times already. The point is you are in a hole and you +want me I should help you out--ain't it?" + +Elkan nodded wearily. + +"Well, then, my advice to you is: _Stiegen_," Kapfer continued. "Don't +say a word about this to nobody until you would, anyhow, find out the +girl's name." + +"I wasn't going to," Elkan replied; "but there's something else, Mr. +Kapfer. To-night I am to meet this here other _Shadchen_ by the name +Fischko, who is going to take me up to Maslik's house." + +"But I thought Miss Maslik was sick," Kapfer said. + +"She was sick," Elkan answered, "but she would be better by to-night. So +that's the way it stands. If I would go downtown now and explain to Mr. +Scheikowitz that I am not going up there to-night and that I was there +last night--and----" Here Elkan paused and made an expressive gesture +with both hands. "The fact is," he almost whimpered, "the whole thing is +such a _Mischmasch_ I feel like I was going crazy!" + +Kapfer leaned across the table and patted him consolingly on the arm. + +"Don't make yourself sick over it," he advised. "Put it up to Polatkin. +You don't got to keep Scheikowitz's idee a secret now, Lubliner, because +sooner or later Polatkin must got to find it out. So you should let +Polatkin know how you was up there last night, and that Rashkind wants +you to go up there Friday night on account Miss Maslik was sick, and +leave it to Polatkin to flag Scheikowitz and this here Fischko." + +"But----" Elkan began, when the strange expression of Kapfer's face made +him pause. Indeed, before he could proceed further, Kapfer jumped up +from his chair. + +"Cheese it!" he said. "Here comes Polatkin." + +As he spoke, Polatkin caught sight of them and almost ran across the +room. + +"Elkan!" he exclaimed. "_Gott sei Dank_ I found you here." + +"What's the matter?" Elkan asked. + +Polatkin drew forward a chair and they all sat down. + +"I just had a terrible fuss with Scheikowitz," he said. "This morning, +when I got downtown, I thought I would tell him what I brought you back +for; so I says to him: 'Philip,' I says, 'I want to tell you something,' +I says. 'I got an elegant _Shidduch_ for Elkan.'" He stopped and let his +hand fall with a loud smack on his thigh. "Oo-ee!" he exclaimed. "What a +row that feller made it! You would think, Elkan, I told him I got a +pistol to shoot you with, the way he acts. I didn't even got the +opportunity to tell him who the _Shidduch_ was. He tells me I should +mind my own business and calls me such names which honestly I wouldn't +call a shipping clerk even. And what else d'ye think he says?" + +Elkan and Kapfer shook their heads. + +"Why, he says that to-night, at eight o'clock, he himself is going to +have a _Shadchen_ by the name Fischko take you up to see a girl in +Harlem which the name he didn't tell me at all; but he says she's got +five thousand dollars a dowry. Did he say to you anything about it, +Elkan?" + +"The first I hear of it!" Elkan replied in husky tones as he averted his +eyes from Polatkin. "Why, I wouldn't know the feller Fischko if he stood +before me now, and he wouldn't know me neither." + +"Didn't he tell you her name?" Kapfer asked cautiously. + +"No," Polatkin replied, "because I says right away that the girl I had +in mind would got a dowry of five thousand too; and then and there +Scheikowitz gets so mad he smashes a chair on us--one of them new ones +we just bought, Elkan. So I didn't say nothing more, but I rung up +Rashkind right away and asks him how things turns out, and he says +nothing is settled yet." + +Elkan nodded guiltily. + +"So I got an idee," Polatkin continued. "I thought, Elkan, we would do +this: Don't come downtown to-day at all, and to-night I would go up and +meet Fischko and tell him you are practically engaged and the whole +thing is off. Also I would _schenk_ the feller a ten-dollar bill he +shouldn't bother us again." + +Elkan grasped the edge of the table. He felt as if consciousness were +slipping away from him, when suddenly Kapfer emitted a loud exclamation. + +"By jiminy!" he cried. "I got an idee! Why shouldn't I go up there and +meet this here Fischko?" + +"You go up there?" Polatkin said. + +"Sure; why not? A nice girl like Miss--whatever her name is--ain't too +good for me, Mr. Polatkin. I got a good business there in Bridgetown, +and----" + +"But I don't know what for a girl she is at all," Polatkin protested. + +"She's got anyhow five thousand dollars," Kapfer retorted, "and when a +girl's got five thousand dollars, Mr. Polatkin, beauty ain't even +skin-deep." + +"Sure, I know," Polatkin agreed; "but so soon as you see Fischko and +tell him you ain't Elkan Lubliner he would refuse to take you round to +see the girl at all." + +"Leave that to me," Kapfer declared. "D'ye know what I'll tell him?" He +looked hard at Elkan Lubliner before he continued. "I'll tell him," he +said, "that Elkan is already engaged." + +"Already engaged!" Polatkin cried. + +"Sure!" Kapfer said--"secretly engaged unbeknownst to everybody." + +"But right away to-morrow morning Fischko would come down and tell +Scheikowitz that you says Elkan is secretly engaged, and Scheikowitz +would know the whole thing was a fake and that I am at the bottom of +it." + +"No, he wouldn't," Kapfer rejoined, "because Elkan would then and there +say that he is secretly engaged and that would let you out." + +"Sure it would," Polatkin agreed; "and then Scheikowitz would want to +kill Elkan." + +Suddenly Elkan struck the table with his clenched fist. + +"I've got the idee!" he said. "I wouldn't come downtown till +Saturday--because we will say, for example, I am sick. Then, when +Fischko says I am secretly engaged, you can say you don't know nothing +about it; and by the time I come down on Saturday morning I would be +engaged all right, and nobody could do nothing any more." + +"That's true too," Kapfer said, "because your date with Rashkind is for +to-morrow night and by Saturday the whole thing would be over." + +Polatkin nodded doubtfully, but after a quarter of an hour's earnest +discussion he was convinced of the wisdom of Elkan's plan. + +"All right, Elkan," he said at last. "Be down early on Saturday." + +"Eight o'clock sure," Elkan replied as he shook Polatkin's hand; "and +by that time I hope you'll congratulate me on my engagement." + +"I hope so," Polatkin said. + +"Me too," Kapfer added after Polatkin departed; "and I also hope, Elkan, +this would be a warning to you that the next time you get engaged you +should find out the girl's name in advance." + + * * * * * + +"Yes, siree, sir," said Charles Fischko emphatically, albeit a trifle +thickly. "I guess you made a big hit there, Mr. Kapfer, and I don't +think I am acting previously when I drink to the health of Mrs. Kapfer." +He touched glasses with Max Kapfer, who sat opposite to him at a +secluded table in the Harlem Winter Garden, flanked by two bottles of +what had been a choice brand of California champagne. "Nee Miss Maslik," +he added as he put down his glass; "and I think you are getting a young +lady which is not only good-looking but she is got also a heart like +gold. Look at the way she treats the servant girl they got there! +Honestly, when I was round there this morning them two girls was talking +like sisters already!" + +"That's all right," Kapfer rejoined; "she's got a right to treat that +girl like a sister. She's a nice little girl--that servant girl." + +"Don't I know it!" Fischko protested as he poured himself out another +glass of wine. "It was me that got her the job there two years ago +already; and before I would recommend to a family like B. Maslik's a +servant girl, understand me, I would make sure she comes from decent, +respectable people. Also the girl is a wonderful cook, Mr. Kapfer, +simple, plain, everyday dish like _gefuellte Hechte_, Mr. Kapfer; she +makes it like it would be roast goose already--so fine she cooks it. She +learned it from her mother, Mr. Kapfer, also a wonderful cook. Why, +would you believe it, Mr. Kapfer, that girl's own mother and me comes +pretty near being engaged to be married oncet?" + +"You don't say!" Kapfer commented. + +"That was from some years ago in the old country already," Fischko +continued; "and I guess I ought to be lucky I didn't do so, on account +she marries a feller by the name Silbermacher, _olav hasholem_, which he +is got the misfortune to get killed in Kishinef. Poor Mrs. Silbermacher, +she didn't live long, and the daughter, Yetta, comes to America an +orphan five years ago. Ever since then the girl looks out for herself; +and so sure as you are sitting there she's got in savings bank already +pretty near eight hundred dollars." + +"Is that so?" Kapfer interrupted. + +"Yes, sir," Fischko replied; "and when she is got a thousand, understand +me, I would find for her a nice young man, Mr. Kapfer, which he is got +anyhow twenty-five machines a contracting shop, y'understand, and she +will get married _und fertig_. With such good friends which I got it +like Polatkin & Scheikowitz, I could throw a little business their way, +and the first thing you know she is settled for life." + +Here Fischko drained his glass and reached out his hand toward the +bottle; but Kapfer anticipated the move and emptied the remainder of the +wine into his own glass. + +"Before I order another bottle, Fischko," he said, "I would like to talk +a little business with you." + +"Never mind another bottle," Fischko said. "I thought we was through +with our business for the evening." + +"With our business, yes," Kapfer announced; "but this story which you +are telling me about Miss Silbermacher interests me, Fischko, and I know +a young feller which he is got more as twenty-five machines a +contracting shop; in fact, Fischko, he is a salesman which he makes +anyhow his fifty to seventy-five dollars a week, and he wants to get +married bad." + +"He couldn't want to get married so bad as all that," Fischko commented, +"because there's lots of girls which would be only too glad to marry a +such a young feller--girls with money even." + +"I give you right, Mr. Fischko," Kapfer agreed; "but this young feller +ain't the kind that marries for money. What he wants is a nice girl +which she is good-looking like this here Miss Silbermacher and is a good +housekeeper, understand me; and from what I've seen of Miss +Silbermacher she would be just the person." + +"What's his name?" Fischko asked. + +"His name," said Kapfer, "is Ury Shemansky, a close friend from mine; +and I got a date with him at twelve o'clock on the corner drug store at +One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street that I should tell him how I came +out this evening." He seized his hat from an adjoining hook. "So, if +you'd wait here a few minutes," he said, "I would go and fetch him right +round here. Shall I order another bottle before I go?" + +Fischko shook his head. + +"I got enough," he said; "and don't be long on account I must be going +home soon." + +Kapfer nodded, and five minutes later he entered the all-night drug +store in question and approached a young man who was seated at the soda +fountain. In front of him stood a large glass of "Phospho-Nervino," +warranted to be "A Speedy and Reliable Remedy for Nervous Headache, +Sleeplessness, Mental Fatigue and Depression following Over-Brainwork"; +and as he was about to raise the glass to his lips Kapfer slapped him on +the shoulder. + +"Cheer up, Elkan," he exclaimed. "Her name is Yetta Silbermacher and +she's got in savings bank eight hundred dollars." + +"What d'ye mean she's got money in savings bank?" Elkan protested +wearily, for the sleepless, brain-fatigued and depressed young man was +none other than Elkan Lubliner. "Did you seen her?" + +"I did," Kapfer replied; "and Miss Maslik's a fine, lovely girl. The old +man ain't so bad either. He treated me elegant and Fischko thinks I made +quite a hit there." + +"I ain't asking you about Miss Maslik at all," Elkan said. "I mean Miss +Silbermacher"--he hesitated and blushed--"Yetta," he continued, and +buried his confusion in the foaming glass of "Phospho-Nervino." + +"That's just what I want to talk to you about," Kapfer went on. "Did I +understand you are telling Polatkin that you never seen Fischko the +_Shadchen_ and he never seen you neither?" + +"That's right," Elkan replied. + +"Then come right down with me to the Harlem Winter Garden," Kapfer said. +"I want you to meet him. He ain't a bad sort, even if he would be a +_Shadchen_." + +"But what should I want to meet him for?" Elkan cried. + +"Because," Kapfer explained, "I am going to marry this here Miss Maslik, +Elkan; and I'm going to improve my store property, so that my trade will +be worth to Polatkin & Scheikowitz anyhow three thousand dollars a +year--ain't it?" + +"What's that got to do with it?" Elkan asked. + +"It's got this much to do with it," Kapfer continued: "To-morrow +afternoon two o'clock I would have Polatkin and Scheikowitz at my room +in the Prince Clarence. You also would be there--and d'ye know who else +would be there?" + +Elkan shook his head. + +"Miss Yetta Silbermacher," Kapfer went on; "because I am going to get +Fischko to bring her down there to meet an eligible party by the name +Ury Shemansky." + +"What?" Elkan exclaimed. + +"Ssh-sh!" Kapfer cried reassuringly. "I am going to introduce you to +Fischko right away as Ury Shemansky, provided he ain't so _shikker_ when +I get back that he wouldn't recognize you at all." + +Elkan nodded and paid for his restorative, and on their way down to the +Harlem Winter Garden they perfected the details of the appointment for +the following afternoon. + +"The reason why I am getting Fischko to bring her down," Kapfer +explained, "is because, in the first place, it looks pretty _schlecht_ +that a feller should meet a girl only once and, without the help of a +_Shadchen_, gets right away engaged to her; and so, with Fischko the +_Shadchen_ there, it looks better for you both. Furthermore, in the +second place, a girl which is doing housework, Elkan, must got to have +an excuse, understand me; otherwise she couldn't get away from her work +at all." + +"But," Elkan said, "how do you expect that Yetta would go with a +_Shadchen_ to see this here Ury Shemansky when she is already engaged to +me?" + +"_Schafskopf!_" Kapfer exclaimed. "Telephone her the first thing +to-morrow morning that you are this here Ury Shemansky and she would +come quick enough!" + +"That part's all right," Elkan agreed; "but I don't see yet how you are +going to get Polatkin and Scheikowitz there." + +Kapfer nodded his head with spurious confidence; for of this, perhaps +the most important part of his plan, he felt extremely doubtful. + +"Leave that to me," he said sagely, and the next moment they entered the +Harlem Winter Garden to find Charles Fischko gazing sadly at a solution +of bicarbonate of soda and ammonia, a tumblerful of which stood in front +of him on the table. + +"Mr. Fischko," Kapfer said, "this is my friend Ury Shemansky, the +gentleman I was speaking to you about." + +"No relation to Shemansky who used to was in the customer pedler +business on Ridge Street?" Fischko asked. + +"Not as I've heard," Elkan said. + +"Because there's a feller, understand me, which he went to work and +married a poor girl; and ever since he's got nothing but _Mazel_. The +week afterward he found in the street a diamond ring worth two hundred +dollars, and the next month a greenhorn comes over with ten thousand +rubles and wants to go as partners together with him in business. In a +year's time Shemansky dissolves the partnership and starts in the +remnant business with five thousand dollars net capital. He ain't been +established two weeks, understand me, when a liquor saloon next door +burns out and he gets a thousand dollars smoke damage; and one thing +follows another, y'understand, till to-day he's worth easy his fifty +thousand dollars. That's what it is to marry a poor girl, Mr. +Shemansky." He took a pull at the tumbler of bicarbonate and made an +involuntary grimace. "Furthermore, I am knowing this here Miss +Silbermacher ever since she is born, pretty nearly!" Fischko cried. + +"You did!" Elkan exclaimed. "Well, why didn't you tell me that, Kapfer?" + +"I couldn't think of everything," Kapfer protested. + +"Go ahead," Elkan said, turning to Fischko; "let me know all about +her--everything! I think I got a right to know--ain't it?" + +"Sure you have," Fischko said as he cleared his throat oratorically; and +therewith he began a laudatory biography of Yetta Silbermacher, while +Elkan settled himself to listen. With parted lips and eyes shining his +appreciation, he heard a narrative that justified beyond peradventure +his choice of a wife, and when Fischko concluded he smote the table with +his fist. + +"By jiminy!" he cried. "A feller should ought to be proud of a wife like +that!" + +"Sure he should," Kapfer said; "and her and Fischko would be down at my +room at the Prince Clarence to-morrow at two." + +He beckoned to the waiter. "So let's pay up and go home," he concluded; +"and by to-morrow night Fischko would got two matches to his credit." + +"_K'mo she-neemar_," Fischko said as he rose a trifle laboriously to his +feet, "it is commanded to promote marriages, visit the sick and bury the +dead." + +"And," Kapfer added, "you'll notice that promoting marriages comes ahead +of the others." + + * * * * * + +When Marcus Polatkin arrived at his place of business the following +morning he looked round him anxiously for his partner, who had departed +somewhat early the previous day with the avowed intention of seeing just +how sick Elkan was. As a matter of fact, Scheikowitz had discovered +Elkan lying on the sofa at his boarding place, vainly attempting to +secure his first few minutes' sleep in over thirty-six hours; and he had +gone home truly shocked at Elkan's pallid and careworn appearance, +though Elkan had promised to keep the appointment with Fischko. Polatkin +felt convinced, however, that his partner must have discovered the +pretence of Elkan's indisposition, and his manner was a trifle +artificial when he inquired after the absentee. + +"How was he feeling, Philip?" he asked. + +"Pretty bad, I guess," Scheikowitz replied, whereat a blank expression +came over Polatkin's face. "The boy works too hard, I guess. He ain't +slept a wink for two days." + +"Why, he seemed all right yesterday when I seen him," Polatkin declared. + +"Yesterday?" Scheikowitz exclaimed. + +"I mean the day before yesterday," Polatkin added hastily as the +elevator door opened and a short, stout person alighted. He wore a +wrinkled frock coat and a white tie which perched coquettishly under his +left ear; and as he approached the office he seemed to be labouring +under a great deal of excitement. + +"Oo-ee!" he wailed as he caught sight of Polatkin, and without further +salutation he sank into the nearest chair. There he bowed his head in +his hands and rocked to and fro disconsolately. + +"Who's this crazy feller?" Scheikowitz demanded of his partner. + +Polatkin shrugged. + +"He's a button salesman by the name Rashkind," Polatkin said. "Leave me +deal with him." He walked over to the swaying _Shadchen_ and shook him +violently by the shoulder. "Rashkind," he said, "stop that nonsense and +tell me what's the matter." + +Rashkind ceased his moanings and looked up with bloodshot eyes. + +"She's engaged!" he said. + +"She's engaged!" Polatkin repeated. "And you call yourself a +_Shadchen_!" he said bitterly. + +"A _Shadchen_!" Scheikowitz cried. "Why, I thought you said he was a +button salesman." + +"Did I?" Polatkin retorted. "Well, maybe he is, Scheikowitz; but he +ain't no _Shadchen_. Actually the feller goes to work and takes Elkan up +to see the girl, and they put him off by saying the girl was sick; and +now he comes down here and tells me the girl is engaged." + +"Well," Scheikowitz remarked, "you couldn't get no sympathy from me, +Polatkin. A feller which acts underhand the way you done, trying to make +up a _Shidduch_ for Elkan behind my back yet--you got what you +deserved." + +"What d'ye mean I got what I deserved?" Polatkin said indignantly. "Do +you think it would be such a bad thing for us--you and me both, +Scheikowitz--if I could of made up a match between Elkan and B. Maslik's +a daughter?" + +"B. Maslik's a daughter!" Scheikowitz cried. "Do you mean that this here +feller was trying to make up a match between Elkan and Miss Birdie +Maslik?" + +"That's just what I said," Polatkin announced. + +"Then I can explain the whole thing," Scheikowitz rejoined +triumphantly. "Miss Maslik had a date to meet Elkan last night yet with +a _Shadchen_ by the name Charles Fischko, and that's why B. Maslik told +this here button salesman that his daughter was engaged." + +Rashkind again raised his head and regarded Scheikowitz with a +malevolent grin. + +"_Schmooes!_" he jeered. "Miss Maslik is engaged and the _Shadchen_ was +Charles Fischko, but the _Chosan_ ain't Elkan Lubliner by a damsight." + +It was now Polatkin's turn to gloat, and he shook his head slowly up and +down. + +"So, Scheikowitz," he said, "you are trying to fix up a _Shidduch_ +between Elkan and Miss Maslik without telling me a word about it, and +you get the whole thing so mixed up that it is a case of trying to sit +between two chairs! You come down _mit_ a big bump and I ain't got no +sympathy for you neither." + +"What was the feller's name?" Scheikowitz demanded hoarsely of Rashkind, +who was straightening out his tie and smoothing his rumpled hair. + +"It's a funny quincidence," Rashkind replied; "but you remember, Mr. +Polatkin, I was talking to you the other day about Julius Flixman?" + +"Yes," Polatkin said, and his heart began to thump in anticipation of +the answer. + +"Well, Julius Flixman, as I told you, sold out his store to a feller by +the name Max Kapfer," Rashkind said and paused again. + +"_Nu!_" Scheikowitz roared. "What of it?" + +"Well, this here Max Kapfer is engaged to be married to Miss Birdie +Maslik," Rashkind concluded; and when Scheikowitz looked from Rashkind +toward his partner the latter had already proceeded more than halfway to +the telephone. + +"And that's what your _Shadchen_ done for you, Mr. Scheikowitz!" +Rashkind said as he put on his hat. He walked to the elevator and rang +the bell. + +"Yes, Mr. Scheikowitz," Rashkind added, "as a _Shadchen_, maybe I am a +button salesman; but I'd a whole lot sooner be a button salesman as a +thief and don't you forget it!" + +After the elevator had borne Rashkind away Scheikowitz went back to the +office in time to hear Marcus engaged in a noisy altercation with the +telephone operator of the Prince Clarence Hotel. + +"What d'ye mean he ain't there?" he bellowed. "With you it's always the +same--I could never get nobody at your hotel." + +He hung up the receiver with force almost sufficient to wreck the +instrument. + +"That'll do, Polatkin!" Scheikowitz said. "We already got half our +furniture smashed." + +"Did I done it?" Polatkin growled--the allusion being to the chair +demolished by Scheikowitz on the previous day. + +"You was the cause of it," Scheikowitz retorted; "and, anyhow, who are +you ringing up at the Prince Clarence?" + +"I'm ringing up that feller Kapfer," Polatkin replied. "I want to tell +that sucker what I think of him." + +Then it was that Kapfer's theory as to the effect of his engagement on +his relations with Polatkin & Scheikowitz became justified in fact. + +"You wouldn't do nothing of the kind," Scheikowitz declared. "It ain't +bad enough that Elkan loses this here _Shidduch_, but you are trying to +Jonah a good account also! Why, that feller Kapfer's business after he +marries Miss Maslik would be easy worth to us three thousand dollars a +year." + +"I don't care what his business is worth," Polatkin shouted. "I would +say what I please to that highwayman!" + +"What do you want to do?" Scheikowitz pleaded--"bite off your nose to +spoil your face?" + +Polatkin made no reply and he was about to go into the showroom when the +telephone bell rang. + +"Leave me answer it," Scheikowitz said; and a moment later he picked up +the desk telephone and placed the receiver to his ear. + +"Hello!" he said. "Yes, this is Polatkin & Scheikowitz. This is Mr. +Scheikowitz talking." + +Suddenly the instrument dropped with a clatter to the floor; and while +Scheikowitz was stooping to pick it up Polatkin rushed into the office. + +"Scheikowitz!" he cried. "What are you trying to do--break up our whole +office yet? Ain't it enough you are putting all our chairs on the bum +already?" + +Scheikowitz contented himself by glaring viciously at his partner and +again placed the receiver to his ear. + +"Hello, Mr. Kapfer," he said. "Yes, I heard it this morning already. +Them things travels fast, Mr. Kapfer. No, I don't blame you--I blame +this here Fischko. He gives me a dirty deal--that's all." + +Here there was a long pause, while Polatkin stood in the middle of the +office floor like a bird-dog pointing at a covey of partridges. + +"But why couldn't you come down here, Mr. Kapfer?" Scheikowitz asked. +Again there was a long pause, at the end of which Scheikowitz said: +"Wait a minute--I'll ask my partner." + +"Listen here, Polatkin," he said, placing his hand over the transmitter. +"Kapfer says he wants to give us from two thousand five hundred dollars +an order, and he wants you and me to go up to the Prince Clarence at two +o'clock to see him. He wants us both there because he wants to arrange +terms of credit." + +"I would see him hung first!" Polatkin roared, and Scheikowitz took his +hand from the transmitter. + +"All right, Mr. Kapfer," he answered in dulcet tones; "me and Polatkin +will both be there. Good-bye." + +He hung up the receiver with exaggerated care. + +"And you would just bet your life that we will be there!" he said. "And +that's all there is to it!" + + * * * * * + +At half-past one that afternoon, while Max Kapfer was enjoying a good +cigar in the lobby of the Prince Clarence, he received an unexpected +visitor in the person of Julius Flixman. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Flixman?" he cried, dragging forth a chair. + +Flixman extended a thin, bony hand in greeting and sat down wearily. + +"I don't do so good, Kapfer," he said. "I guess New York don't agree +with me." He distorted his face in what he intended to be an amiable +smile. "But I guess it agrees with you all right," he continued. "I +suppose I must got to congradulate you on account you are going to be +engaged to Miss Birdie Maslik." + +"Why, who told you about it?" Kapfer asked. + +"I met this morning a real-estater by the name Rashkind, which he is +acquainted with the Maslik family," Flixman replied, "and he says it +happened yesterday. Also they told me up at the hotel you was calling +there this morning to see me." + +"That's right," Kapfer said; "and you was out." + +"I was down to see a feller on Center Street," Flixman went on, "and so +I thought, so long as you wanted to fix up about the note, I might just +as well come down here." + +"I'm much obliged to you," Kapfer interrupted. + +"Not at all," Flixman continued. "When a feller wants to pay you money +and comes to see you once to do it and you ain't in, understand me, then +it's up to you to go to him; so here I am." + +"But the fact is," Kapfer said, "I didn't want to see you about paying +the money exactly. I wanted to see you about not paying it." + +"About not paying it?" Flixman cried. + +"Sure!" Kapfer replied. "I wanted to see if you wouldn't give me a +year's extension for that last thousand on account I am going to get +married; and with what Miss Maslik would bring me, y'understand, and +your thousand dollars which I got here, I would just have enough to fix +up my second floor and build a twenty-five-foot extension on the rear. +You see, I figure it this way." He searched his pocket for a piece of +paper and produced a fountain pen. "I figure that the fixtures cost me +twenty-two hundred," he began, "and----" + +At this juncture Flixman flipped his fingers derisively. + +"Pipe dreams you got it!" he said. "That store as it stands was good +enough for me, and it should ought to be good enough for you. +Furthermore, Kapfer, if you want to invest Maslik's money and your own +money, _schon gut_; but me, I could always put a thousand dollars into a +bond, Kapfer. So, if it's all the same to you, I'll take your check and +call it square." + +Kapfer shrugged resignedly. + +"I had an idee you would," he said, "so I got it ready for you; because, +Mr. Flixman, you must excuse me when I tell you that you got the +reputation of being a good collector." + +"Am I?" Flixman snapped out. "Well, maybe I am, Kapfer, but I could give +my money up, too, once in a while; and, believe me or not, Kapfer, this +afternoon yet I am going to sign a will which I am leaving all my money +to a Talmud Torah School." + +"You don't say so?" Kapfer said as he drew out his checkbook. + +"That's what I am telling you," Flixman continued, "because there's a +lot of young loafers running round the streets which nobody got any +control over 'em at all; and if they would go to a Talmud Torah School, +understand me, not only they learn 'em there a little _Loschen +Hakodesch_, y'understand, but they would also pretty near club the life +out of 'em." + +"I'll write out a receipt on some of the hotel paper here," Kapfer said +as he signed and blotted the check. + +"Write out two of 'em, so I would have a copy of what I am giving you," +Flixman rejoined. "It's always just so good to be businesslike. That's +what I told that lawyer to-day. He wants me I should remember a couple +of orphan asylums he's interested in, and I told him that if all them +suckers would train up their children they would learn a business and +not holler round the streets and make life miserable for people, they +wouldn't got to be orphans at all. Half the orphans is that way on +account they worried their parents to death with their carryings-on, and +when they go to orphan asylums they get treated kind yet. And people is +foolish enough to pay a lawyer fifty dollars if he should draw up a will +to leave the orphan asylum their good hard-earned money." + +He snorted indignantly as he examined Kapfer's receipt and compared it +with the original. + +"Well," he concluded as he appended his signature to the receipt, "I got +him down to twenty-five dollars and I'll have that will business settled +up this afternoon yet." + +He placed the check and the receipt in his wallet and shook hands with +Kapfer. + +"Good-bye," he said. "And one thing let me warn you against: A _Chosan_ +should always get his money in cash _oder_ certified check before he +goes under the _Chuppah_ at all; otherwise, after you are married and +your father-in-law is a crook, understand me, you could kiss yourself +good-bye with your wife's dowry--and don't you forget it!" + +Max walked with him down the lobby; and they had barely reached the +entrance when Charles Fischko and Miss Yetta Silbermacher arrived. + +"Hello, Fischko!" Max cried, as Flixman tottered out into the +street; but Fischko made no reply. Instead he suddenly let go Miss +Silbermacher's arm and dashed hurriedly to the sidewalk. Max led Miss +Silbermacher to a chair and engaged her immediately in conversation. She +was naturally a little embarrassed by her unusual surroundings, though +she was becomingly--not to say fashionably--attired in garments of her +own making; and she gazed timidly about her for her absent lover. + +"Elkan ain't here yet," Max explained, "on account you are a little +ahead of time." + +Miss Silbermacher's brown eyes sparkled merrily. + +"I ain't the only one," she said as she jumped to her feet; for, though +the hands of the clock on the desk pointed to ten minutes to two, Elkan +Lubliner approached from the direction of the cafe. He caught sight of +them while he was still some distance away, and two overturned chairs +marked the last of his progress toward them. + +At first he held out his hand in greeting; but the two little dimples +that accompanied Yetta's smile overpowered his sense of propriety, and +he embraced her affectionately. + +"Where's Fischko?" he asked. + +Both Kapfer and Miss Silbermacher looked toward the street entrance. + +"He was here a minute ago," Kapfer said. + +"Did you tell him that I wasn't Ury Shemansky at all?" Elkan inquired. + +"Sure I did," Miss Silbermacher replied, "and he goes on something +terrible, on account he says Mr. Kapfer told him last night you was +already engaged; so I told him I know you was engaged because I am the +party you are engaged to." + +She squeezed Elkan's hand. + +"And he says then," she continued, "that if that's the case what do we +want him down here for? So I told him we are going to meet Mr. Polatkin +and Mr. Scheikowitz, and----" + +"And they'll be right here in a minute," Kapfer interrupted; "so you go +upstairs to my room and I'll find Fischko and bring him up also." + +He conducted them to the elevator, and even as the door closed behind +them Fischko came running up the hall. + +"Kapfer," he said, "who was that feller which he was just here talking +to you?" + +"What d'ye want to know for?" Kapfer asked. + +"Never mind what I want to know for!" Fischko retorted. "Who is he?" + +"Well, if you must got to know," Kapfer said, "he's a feller by the name +Julius Flixman." + +"What?" Fischko shouted. + +"Fischko," Kapfer protested, "you ain't in no Canal Street coffee house +here. This is a first-class hotel." + +Fischko nodded distractedly. + +"Sure, I know," he said. "Is there a place we could sit down here? I +want to ask you something a few questions." + +Kapfer led the way to the cafe and they sat down at a table near the +door. + +"Go ahead, Fischko," he said. "Polatkin and Scheikowitz will be here any +minute." + +"Well," Fischko began falteringly, "if this here feller is Julius +Flixman, which he is coming from Bessarabia _schon_ thirty years ago +already, I don't want to do nothing in a hurry, Mr. Kapfer, on account I +want to investigate first how things stand." + +"What d'ye mean?" Kapfer demanded. + +"Why, I mean this," Fischko cried: "If this here Flixman is well fixed, +Kapfer, I want to know it, on account Miss Yetta Silbermacher is from +Flixman's sister a daughter, understand me!" + +Kapfer lit a cigar deliberately before replying. He was thinking hard. + +"Do you mean to tell me," he said at last, "that this here Miss +Silbermacher is Julius Flixman's a niece?" + +"That's what I said," Fischko replied. "He comes here from Bessarabia +thirty years ago already and from that day to this I never heard a word +about him--Miss Silbermacher neither." + +"Ain't the rest of his family heard from him?" Kapfer asked guardedly. + +"There ain't no rest of his family," Fischko said. "Mrs. Silbermacher +was his only sister, and she's dead over ten years since." + +Kapfer nodded and drew reflectively on his cigar. + +"Well, Fischko," he said finally, "I wouldn't let Flixman worry me none. +He's practically a _Schnorrer_; he was in here just now on account he +hears I am going to marry a rich girl and touches me for some money on +the head of it. I guess you noticed that he looks pretty shabby--ain't +it?" + +"And sick too," Fischko added, just as a bellboy came into the cafe. + +"Mr. Copper!" he bawled, and Max jumped to his feet. + +"Right here," he said, and the bellboy handed him a card. + +"Tell them I'll be with them in a minute," he continued; "and you stay +here till I come back, Fischko. I won't be long." + +He followed the bellboy to the desk, where stood Polatkin and +Scheikowitz. + +"Good afternoon, gentlemen," he said. + +"Well, Mr. Kapfer," Scheikowitz replied, "I guess I got to congradulate +you." + +"Sure!" Kapfer murmured perfunctorily. "Let's go into the Moorish Room." + +"What's the matter with the cafe?" Polatkin asked; but Scheikowitz +settled the matter by leading the way to the Moorish Room, where they +all sat down at a secluded table. + +"The first thing I want to tell you, gentlemen," Kapfer said, "is that I +know you feel that I turned a dirty trick on you about Elkan." + +Scheikowitz shrugged expressively. + +"The way we feel about it, Mr. Kapfer," he commented, "is that bygones +must got to be bygones--and that's all there is to it." + +"But," Kapfer said, "I don't want the bygones to be all on my side; so I +got a proposition to make you. How would it be if I could fix up a good +_Shidduch_ for Elkan myself?" + +"What for a _Shidduch_?" Polatkin asked. + +"The girl is an orphan," Kapfer replied, "_aber_ she's got one uncle, a +bachelor, which ain't got no relation in the world but her, and he's +worth anyhow seventy-five thousand dollars." + +"How do you know he's worth that much?" Polatkin demanded. + +"Because I got some pretty close business dealings with him," Kapfer +replied; "and not only do I know he's worth that much, but I guess you +do too, Mr. Polatkin, on account his name is Julius Flixman." + +"Julius Flixman?" Scheikowitz cried. "Why, Julius Flixman ain't got a +relation in the world--he told me so himself." + +"When did he told you that?" Kapfer asked. + +"A couple of days ago," Scheikowitz replied. + +"Then that accounts for it," Kapfer said. "A couple of days ago nobody +knows he had a niece--not even Flixman himself didn't; but to-day yet he +would know it and he would tell you so himself." + +"But----" Scheikowitz began, when once again a page entered the room, +bawling a phonetic imitation of Kapfer's name. + +"Wanted at the 'phone," he called as he caught sight of Kapfer. + +"Excuse me," Kapfer said. "I'll be right back." + +He walked hurriedly out of the room, and Polatkin turned with a shrug to +his partner. + +"Well, Scheikowitz," he began, "what did I told you? We are up here on a +fool's errand--ain't it?" + +Scheikowitz made no reply. + +"I'll tell you, Polatkin," he said at length, "Flixman himself says to +me he did got one sister living in Bessarabia, and he ain't heard from +her in thirty years; and----" + +At this juncture Kapfer rushed into the room. + +"Scheikowitz," he gasped, "I just now got a telephone message from a +lawyer on Center Street, by the name Goldenfein, I should come right +down there. Flixman is taken sick suddenly and they find in his pocket +my check and a duplicate receipt which he gives me, written on the hotel +paper. Do me the favour and come with me." + +Fifteen minutes later they stepped out of a taxicab in front of an +old-fashioned office building in Center Street and elbowed their way +through a crowd of over a hundred people toward the narrow doorway. + +"Where do yous think you're going?" asked a policeman whose broad +shoulders completely blocked the little entrance. + +"We was telephoned for, on account a friend of ours by the name Flixman +is taken sick here," Kapfer explained. + +"Go ahead," the policeman said more gently; "but I guess you're too +late." + +"Is he dead?" Scheikowitz cried, and the policeman nodded solemnly as he +stood to one side. + + * * * * * + +More than two hours elapsed before Kapfer, Polatkin, and Scheikowitz +returned to the Prince Clarence. With them was Kent J. Goldenfein. + +"Mr. Kapfer," the clerk said, "there's a man been waiting for you in the +cafe for over two hours." + +"I'll bring him right in," Kapfer said, and two minutes afterward he +brought the gesticulating Fischko out of the cafe. + +"Do you think I am a dawg?" Fischko cried. "I've been here two hours!" + +"Well, come into the Moorish Room a minute," Kapfer pleaded, "and I'll +fix everything up with you afterward." + +He led the protesting _Shadchen_ through the lobby, and when they +entered the Moorish Room an impressive scene awaited them. On a divan, +beneath some elaborate plush draperies, sat Kent J. Goldenfein, flanked +on each side by Polatkin and Scheikowitz respectively, while spread on +the table in front of them were the drafts of Flixman's will and the +engrossed, unsigned copy, together with such other formidable-looking +documents as Goldenfein happened to find in his pockets. He rose +majestically as Fischko entered and turned on him a beetling frown. + +"Is this the fellow?" he demanded sepulchrally, and Kapfer nodded. + +"Mr. Fischko," Goldenfein went on, "I am an officer of the Supreme Court +and I have been retained to investigate the affairs of Mr. Julius +Flixman." + +"Say, lookyhere, Kapfer," Fischko cried. "What is all this?" + +Kapfer drew forward a chair. + +"Sit down, Fischko," he said, "and answer the questions that he is +asking you." + +"But----" Fischko began. + +"Come, come, Mr. Fischko," Goldenfein boomed, "you are wasting our time +here. Raise your right hand!" + +Fischko glanced despairingly at Kapfer and then obeyed. + +"Do you solemnly swear," said Goldenfein, who, besides being an +attorney-at-law was also a notary public, "that the affidavit you will +hereafter sign will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the +truth, so help you God?" + +"But----" Fischko began again. + +"Do you?" Goldenfein roared, and Fischko nodded. Forthwith Goldenfein +plied him with such ingeniously fashioned questions concerning the +Flixman family that the answers presented a complete history of all its +branches. Furthermore, the affidavit which Goldenfein immediately drew +up lacked only such confirmatory evidence as could easily be supplied to +establish the identity of Miss Yetta Silbermacher as Julius Flixman's +only heir-at-law; and, after Fischko had meekly signed the jurat, +Goldenfein rose ponderously to his feet. + +"I congratulate you, Mr. Polatkin," he said. "I think there is no doubt +that your nephew's fiancee will inherit Flixman's estate, thanks to my +professional integrity." + +"What d'ye mean your professional integrity?" Kapfer asked. + +"Why, if I hadn't refused to accept twenty-two dollars for drawing the +will and insisted on the twenty-five we had agreed upon," Goldenfein +explained, "he would never have suffered the heart attack which +prevented his signing the will before he died." + +"Died!" Fischko exclaimed. "Is Julius Flixman dead?" + +"_Koosh_, Fischko!" Polatkin commanded. "You would think you was one of +the family the way you are acting. Come down to our store to-morrow and +we would arrange things with you." He turned to Kapfer. + +"Let's go upstairs and see Elkan--and Yetta," he said. + +Immediately they trooped to the elevator and ascended to the seventh +floor. + +"All of you wait here in the corridor," Kapfer whispered, "and I'll go +and break it to them." He tiptoed to his room and knocked gently at the +door. + +"Come!" Elkan cried, and Kapfer turned the knob. + +On a sofa near the window sat Elkan, with his arm surrounding his +fiancee's waist and her head resting on his shoulder. + +"Hello, Max!" he cried. "What's kept you? We must have been waiting here +at least a quarter of an hour!" + + + + +CHAPTER FOUR + +HIGHGRADE LINES + + +"Sure, I know, Mr. Scheikowitz," cried Elkan Lubliner, junior partner of +Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company, as he sat in the firm's office late one +February afternoon; "but if you want to sell a highgrade concern like +Joseph Kammerman you must got to got a highgrade line of goods." + +"Ain't I am telling you that all the time?" Scheikowitz replied. "_Aber_ +we sell here a popular-price line, Elkan. So what is the use talking we +ain't ekvipt for a highgrade line." + +"What d'ye mean we ain't equipped, Mr. Scheikowitz?" Elkan protested. +"We got here machines and we got here fixtures, and all we need it now +is a highgrade designer and a couple really good cutters like that new +feller which is working for us." + +"That's all right, too, Elkan," Marcus Polatkin interrupted; "but it +ain't the ekvipment which it is so important. The reputation which we +got for selling a popular-price line we couldn't get rid of so easy, +understand me, and that _Betzimmer_ buyer of Kammerman's wouldn't got no +confidence in us at all. The way he figures it we could just so much +turn out a highgrade line of goods here as you could expect a feller +which is acting in a moving pictures to all of a sudden sing like +Charuso." + +"Besides," Scheikowitz added, "highgrade designers and really good +cutters means more capital, Elkan." + +"The capital you shouldn't worry about at all," Elkan retorted. "Next +week my Yetta gets falling due a second mortgage from old man Flixman +for five thousand dollars, and----" + +Polatkin made a flapping gesture with his right hand. + +"Keep your money, Elkan," he said. "You could got lots of better ways to +invest it for Yetta as fixing ourselves up to sell big _Machers_ like +Joseph Kammerman." + +"But it don't do no harm I should drop in and see them people. Ain't +it?" + +"Sure not," Scheikowitz continued as he swung round in his revolving +chair and seized a pile of cutting clips. "They got an elegant store +there on Fifth Avenue which it is a pleasure to go into even; and the +worst that happens you, Elkan, is you are out a good cigar for that Mr. +Dalzell up there." + +Elkan nodded gloomily, and as he left the office Polatkin's face relaxed +in an indulgent smile. + +"The boy is getting awful ambitious lately, Scheikowitz," he said. + +"What d'ye mean, ambitious?" Philip Scheikowitz cried angrily. "If you +would be only twenty-three years of age, Polatkin, and married to a rich +girl, understand me--and also partner in a good concern, which the whole +thing he done it himself, Polatkin--you would act a whole lot more +ambitious as he does. Instead of knocking the boy, Polatkin, you should +ought to give him credit for what he done." + +"Who is knocking the boy?" Polatkin demanded. "All I says is the boy is +ambitious, Scheikowitz--which, if you don't think it's ambitious a +feller tries to sell goods to Joseph Kammerman, Scheikowitz, what is it +then?" + +"There's worser people to sell goods to as Joseph Kammerman, Polatkin, +which he is a millionaire concern, understand me," Scheikowitz declared; +"and you could take it from me, Polatkin, even if you would accuse him +he is ambitious _oder_ not, that boy always got idees to do big +things--and he works hard till he lands 'em. So if you want to call that +ambitious, Polatkin, go ahead and do so. When a loafer knocks it's a +boost every time." + +With this ultimatum Scheikowitz followed his junior partner to the rear +of the loft, where Elkan regarded with a critical eye the labors of his +cutting-room staff. + +"_Nu_, Elkan," Scheikowitz asked, "what's biting you now?" + +Elkan winked significantly--and a moment later he tapped an assistant +cutter on the shoulder. + +"Max," he said, "do you got maybe a grudge against that piece of goods, +the way you are slamming it round?" + +The assistant cutter smiled in an embarrassed fashion. + +"The fact is," he said apologetically, "I wasn't thinking about them +goods at all. When you are laying out goods for cutting, Mr. Lubliner, +you don't got to think much--especially pastel shades." + +"Pastel shades?" Elkan repeated. + +"That's what I said," the cutter replied. "_Mit_ colors like reds and +greens, which they are hitting you right in the face, so to speak, you +couldn't get your mind off of 'em at all; but pastel shades, that's +something else again. They quiet you like smoking a cigarette." + +Elkan turned to his partner with a shrug. + +"When I was working by B. Gans," the cutter went on, "I am laying out a +piece of old gold crepe _mit_ a silver-thread border, and I assure you, +Mr. Lubliner, it has an effect on me like some one would give me a glass +of schnapps already." + +"_Stiegen_, Max," said Elkan, moving away, "you got too much to say for +yourself." + +Max nodded resignedly and continued the spreading of the goods on the +cutting table, while Elkan and Scheikowitz walked out of the room. + +"That's the new feller I was telling you about," Elkan said. +"_Meshugganeh_ Max Merech they call him." + +"_Meshugga_ he may be," Scheikowitz replied, "but just the same he's got +a couple of good idees also, Elkan. Only this morning he makes Redman +the designer pretty near crazy when he says that the blue soutache on +that new style 2060 kills the blue in the yoke, y'understand; and he was +right too, Elkan. Polatkin and me made Redman change it over." + +Elkan shrugged again as he put on his hat and coat preparatory to going +home. + +"A lot our class of trade worries about such things!" he exclaimed. "So +far as they are concerned the soutache could be crimson and the yoke +green, and if the price was right they'd buy it anyhow." + +"Don't you fool yourself, Elkan," Scheikowitz said while Elkan rang for +the elevator. "The price is never right if the workmanship ain't good." + + * * * * * + +That Elkan Lubliner's progress in business had not kept pace with his +social achievements was a source of much disappointment to both Mrs. +Lubliner and himself; for though the firm of Polatkin, Scheikowitz & +Company was still rated seventy-five thousand dollars to one hundred +thousand dollars--credit good--Elkan and Mrs. Lubliner moved in the +social orbit of no less a personage than of Max Koblin, the Raincoat +King, whose credit soared triumphantly among the A's and B's of +old-established commission houses. + +Indeed it was a party at Max Koblin's house that evening which caused +Elkan to leave his place of business at half-past five; and when Mrs. +Lubliner and he sallied forth from the gilt and porphyry hallway of +their apartment dwelling they were fittingly arrayed to meet Max's +guests, none of whom catered to the popular-price trade of Polatkin, +Scheikowitz & Company. + +"Why didn't you told him we are getting next week paid off for five +thousand dollars a second mortgage?" Yetta said, continuing a +conversation begun at dinner that evening. + +"I did told him," Elkan insisted; "but what is the use talking to a +couple of old-timers like them?" + +Yetta sniffed contemptuously with the impatience of youth at the foibles +of senility, as exemplified by the doddering Philip Scheikowitz, aged +forty-five, and the valetudinarian Marcus Polatkin, whose hair, albeit +unfrosted, had been blighted and in part swept away by the vicissitudes +of forty-two winters. + +"You can't learn an old dawg young tricks," Elkan declared, "and we +might just as well make up our minds to it, Yetta, we would never +compete with such highgrade concerns like B. Gans _oder_ Schwefel & +Zucker." + +They walked over two blocks in silence and then Elkan broke out anew. + +"I tell you," he said, "I am sick and tired of it. B. Gans talks all the +time about selling this big _Macher_ and that big _Macher_, and him and +Mr. Schwefel gets telling about what a millionaire like Kammerman says +to him the other day, or what he says to Mandelberger, of Chicago, +y'understand--and I couldn't say nothing! If I would commence to tell +'em what I says to such customers of ours like One-Eye Feigenbaum _oder_ +H. Margonin, of Bridgetown, understand me, they would laugh me in my +face yet." + +Yetta pressed his arm consolingly as they ascended the stoop of Max +Koblin's house on Mount Morris Park West, and two minutes later they +entered the front parlour of that luxurious residence. + +"And do you know what he says to me?" a penetrating barytone voice +announced as they came in. "He says to me, 'Benson,' he says, 'I've been +putting on musical shows now for fifteen years, and an idee like that +comes from a genius already. There's a fortune in it!'" + +At this juncture Mrs. Koblin noted the arrival of the last of her +guests. + +"Why, hello, Yetta!" she cried, rising to her feet. "Ain't you +fashionable getting here so late?" + +She kissed Yetta and held out a hand to Elkan as she spoke. + +"Ain't you ashamed of yourself, Elkan, keeping Yetta's dinner waiting +because you claim you're so busy downtown?" she went on. "I guess you +know everybody here except Mr. Benson." + +She nodded toward the promulgator of Heaven-born ideas, who bowed +solemnly. + +"Pleased to meet you, Mister----" + +"Lubliner," Elkan said. + +"Mister Lubliner," Benson repeated, passing his begemmed fingers through +a shock of black, curly hair. "And the long and short of it is," he +continued, addressing the company, "to-morrow I'm getting a scenario +along them lines I just indicated to you from one of the highest-grade +fellers that's writing." + +Here ensued a pause, during which B. Gans searched his mind for an +anecdote concerning some retailer of sufficiently good financial +standing, while Joseph Schwefel, of Schwefel & Zucker, cleared his +throat preparatory to launching a verbatim report of a conversation +between himself and a buyer for one of the most exclusive costume houses +on Fifth Avenue; but even as Schwefel rounded his lips to enunciate an +introductory "Er," Benson obtained a fresh start. + +"Now you remember 'The Diners Out,' Ryan & Bernbaum's production last +season?" he said, addressing Elkan. "In that show they had an idee like +this: Eight ponies is let down from the flies--see?--and George DeFrees +makes his entrance in a practical airyoplane--I think it was George +DeFrees was working for Ryan & Bernbaum last year, or was it Sammy +Potter?" + +At this point he screwed up his face and leaning his elbow on the arm of +his chair he placed four fingers on his forehead in the attitude known +theatrically as Business of Deep Consideration. + +"No," he said at last--"it was George DeFrees. George jumps out of the +airyoplane and says: 'They followed me to earth, I see.'" + +Benson raised his eyebrows at the assembled guests. + +"Angels!" he announced. "Get the idee? 'They followed me to earth, I +see.' Cue. And then he sings the song hit of the show: 'Come Take a Ride +in My Airyoplane.'" + +B. Gans shuffled his feet uneasily and Joseph Schwefel pulled down his +waistcoat. As manufacturers of highgrade garments they had accompanied +more than one customer to the entertainment described by Benson; but to +Elkan the term "ponies" admitted of only one meaning, and this +conversational arabesque of flies, little horses, aeroplanes and George +DeFrees made him fairly dizzy. + +"And," M. Sidney Benson said before B. Gans could head him off, "just +that there entrance boomed the show. Ryan & Bernbaum up to date clears +a hundred and twenty thousand dollars over and above all expenses." + +"Better as the garment business!" Max Koblin commented--and B. Gans +nodded and yawned. + +"Ain't we going to have no pinocle?" he asked. Max rose and threw open +the sliding doors leading to the dining room, where cards and chips were +in readiness. + +"Will you join us, Mr. Benson?" he asked. + +"That'll make five with Mr. Lubliner," Benson replied; "so supposing +you, Gans and Schwefel go ahead, and Mr. Lubliner and me will join you +later. Otherwise you would got to deal two of us out--which it makes a +pretty slow game that way." + +"Just as you like," Max said; and after Mrs. Koblin and Yetta had +retired abovestairs to view the most recent accession to Mrs. Koblin's +wardrobe, Benson pulled up the points of his high collar and adjusted +his black stock necktie. Then he lit a fresh cigar and prepared to lay +bare to Elkan the arcana of the theatrical business. + +"Yes, Mr. Lubliner," he said, "the show business is a business like any +other business. It ain't like you got an idee it is--opening wine for a +bunch of chickens, understand me, and running round the streets till all +hours of the morning." + +"I never got no such idee," Elkan protested. + +"You ain't, Mr. Lubliner," Benson continued, "because it's very +evidence to me that you don't know nothing about it; but there's a whole +lot of people got that idee anyhow, y'understand; and what I am always +trying to tell everybody is that the show business is like the garment +business _oder_ the drygoods business--a business for a business man, +not a loafer!" + +Elkan made an inarticulate noise which Benson took to be an expression +of interest and encouragement. + +"At the same time art has got a whole lot to do with it," he went +on--"art and idees; and when you take a feller like Ryan, which he could +write a show, write the music, put it on and play the leading part all +by himself, y'understand, and a feller like Bernbaum, which used to was +Miller, Bernbaum & Company in the pants business--you got there an ideel +combination!" + +Elkan nodded and looked helplessly round him at the Circassian walnut, +of which half a forestful had gone to make up the furnishings of +Koblin's front parlor. + +"But," Benson said emphatically, "you take me, for instance--and what +was I?" + +He told off his former occupations with the index finger of his right +hand on each digit of his left. + +"First I was a salesman; second I was for myself in the infants' wear +business; third I was _noch einmal_ a salesman. Then I become an actor, +because everybody knows my act, which I called it 'Your Old Friend +Maslowsky.' For four years I played all the first-class vaudeville +circuits here and on the other side in England. But though I made good +money, Mr. Lubliner, the real big money is in the producing end." + +"Huh-huh!" Elkan ejaculated. + +"So that's the way it is with me, Mr. Lubliner," Benson continued. "I am +just like Ryan & Bernbaum, only instead of two partners there is only +just one; which I got the art, the idees and the business ability all in +myself!" + +"That must make it very handy for you," Elkan commented. + +"Handy ain't no name for it," Benson replied. "It's something you don't +see nowheres else in the show business; but I'll tell you the truth, Mr. +Lubliner--the work is too much for me!" + +"Why don't you get a partner?" Elkan asked. + +Benson made a circular gesture with his right hand. + +"I could get lots of partners with big money, Mr. Lubliner," he said, +"but why should I divide my profits? Am I right or wrong?" + +"Well, that depends how you are looking at it," Elkan said. + +"I am looking at it from the view of a business man, Mr. Lubliner," +Benson rejoined. "Here I got a proposition which I am going to put on--a +show of idees--a big production, understand me; which if Ryan & +Bernbaum makes from their 'Diners Out' a hundred thousand dollars, +_verstehst du_, I could easily make a hundred and fifty thousand! And +yet, Mr. Lubliner, all I invest is five thousand dollars and five +thousand more which I am making a loan at a bank." + +"Which bank?" Elkan asked--so quickly that Benson almost jumped in his +seat. + +"I--I didn't decide which bank yet," he replied. "You see, Mr. Lubliner, +I got accounts in three banks. First I belonged to the Fifteenth +National Bank. Then they begged me I should go in the Minuit National +Bank. All right. I went in the Minuit National Bank. H'afterward Sam +Feder comes to me and says: 'Benson,' he says, 'you are an old friend +from mine,' he says. 'Why do you bother yourself you should go into this +bank and that bank?' he says. 'Why don't you come to my bank?' he says, +'and I would give you all the money you want.' So you see, Mr. Lubliner, +it is immaterial to me which bank I get my money from." + +Again he passed his jewelled fingers through his hair. + +"No, Mr. Lubliner," he announced after a pause, "my own brother even I +wouldn't give a look-in." + +Elkan made no reply. As a result of Benson's gesture he was busy +estimating the value of eight and a quarter carats at eighty-seven +dollars and fifty cents a carat. + +"Because," Benson continued, "the profits is something you could really +call enormous! If you got the time I would like to show you a few +figures." + +"I got all evening," Elkan answered, whereat Benson pulled from his +waistcoat pocket a fountain pen ornamented with gold filigree. + +"First," he said, "is the costumes." + +And therewith he plunged into a maze of calculation that lasted for +nearly an hour. Moreover, at the end of that period he entered into a +new series of figures, tending to show that by the investment of an +additional five thousand dollars the profits could be increased +seventy-five per cent. + +"But I'm satisfied to invest my ten thousand," he said, "because five +thousand is my own and the other five thousand I could get easy from the +Kosciuscko Bank, whereas the additional five thousand I must try to +interest somebody he should invest it with me. And so far as that goes I +wouldn't bother myself at all." + +"You're dead right," Elkan said by way of making himself agreeable, +whereat Benson grew crimson with chagrin. + +"Sure I'm dead right," he said; "and if you and Mrs. Lubliner would come +down to my office in the Siddons Theatre Building to-morrow night, eight +o'clock, I would send one of my associates round with you and he will +get you tickets for the 'Diners Out,' understand me; and then you would +see for yourself what a big house they got there. Even on Monday night +they turn 'em away!" + +"I'm much obliged to you," Elkan replied. "I'm sure Mrs. Lubliner and me +would enjoy it very much." + +"I'm sorry for you if you wouldn't," Benson retorted; "and that +there 'Diners Out' ain't a marker to the show I'm putting on, Mr. +Lubliner--which you can see for yourself, a business proposition, +which pans out pretty near two hundred thousand dollars on a +fifteen-thousand-dollar investment, is got to be right up to the mark. +Ain't it?" + +"I thought you said ten thousand dollars was the investment," Elkan +remarked. + +"I did," Benson replied with some heat; "but if some one comes along and +wants to invest the additional five thousand dollars I wouldn't turn him +down, Mr. Lubliner." + +He rose to his feet to join the pinocle players in the dining room. + +"So I hope you enjoy the show to-morrow night," he added as he strolled +away. + + * * * * * + +From six to eight every evening Max Merech underwent a gradual +transformation, for six o'clock was the closing hour at Polatkin, +Scheikowitz & Company's establishment, while eight marked the advent of +the Sarasate Trio at the Cafe Roman, on Delancey Street. Thus, at six, +Max Merech was an assistant cutter; and, indeed, until after he ate his +supper he still bore the outward appearance of an assistant cutter, +though inwardly he felt a premonitory glow. After half-past seven, +however, he buttoned on a low, turned-down collar with its concomitant +broad Windsor tie, and therewith he assumed his real character--that of +a dilettante. + +At the Cafe Roman each evening he specialized on music; but with the +spirit of the true dilettante he neglected no one of the rest of the +arts, and was ever to be found at the table next to the piano, a warm +advocate of the latest movement in painting and literature, as well as +an appreciative listener to the ultramodern music discoursed by the +Sarasate Trio. + +"If that ain't a winner I ain't no judge!" he said to Boris Volkovisk, +the pianist, on the evening of the conversation with Elkan set forth +above. He referred to a violin sonata of Boris' own composition which +the latter and Jacob Rekower, the violinist, had just concluded. + +Boris smiled and wiped away the perspiration from his bulging forehead, +for the third movement of the sonata, marked in the score _Allegro con +fuoco_, had taxed even the technic of its composer. + +"A winner of what?" Boris asked--"money? Because supposing a miracle +happens that somebody would publish it nobody buys it." + +Max nodded his head slowly in sympathetic acquiescence. + +"But anyhow you ain't so bad off like some composers," he said. "You've +anyhow got a good musician to play your stuff for you." + +He smiled at Jacob Rekower, who plunged his hands into his trousers +pockets and shrugged deprecatingly. + +"Sure, I know," Rekower said; "and if we play too much good stuff +Marculescu raises the devil with us we should play more popular music." + +He spat out the words "popular music" with an emphasis that made a +_Tarrok_ player at the next table jump in his seat. + +"_Nu_," said the latter as the deal passed, "what is the matter with +popular music? If it wouldn't be for writing popular music, understand +me, many a decent, respectable composer would got to starve!" + +He turned his chair round and abandoned the card game the better to air +his views on popular music. + +"Furthermore," he said, "I know a young feller by the name Milton Jassy +which last year he makes two thousand dollars already from syncopating +_Had gadyo_ and calling it the "Wildcat Rag," and this year he is +writing the music for a new show and I bet yer the least he makes out of +it is five thousand dollars." + +"Yow! Five thousand dollars!" Merech exclaimed. "Such people you hear +about, but you _oser_ see 'em." + +"Don't you?" said the _Tarrok_ player, drawing a cardcase from his +breast pocket. "Well, you see one now." + +He laid face upward on the table a card which read: + + +============================================+ + | | + | "THE SONGS YOU ALL SING" | + | | + | | + | MILTON JASSY | + | SIDDONS THEATRE BUILDING | + | ROOM 1400 | + | | + | "STUFF WITH A PUNCH" | + | | + | LAZY DAISY EDDIE | + | WILDCAT RAG ALL ABOARD FOR SLEEPYTOWN | + | | + +============================================+ + +For a brief interval Volkovisk, Rekower, and Merech regarded Jassy's +card in silence. + +"Well," Merech said at last, "what of it?" + +Jassy shrugged and waved his hand significantly. + +"Nothing of it," he said, "only your friend there is knocking popular +music; and though I admit that I didn't got to go to the _Wiener_ +conservatory so as I could write popular music exactly, y'understand, +still I could write sonatas and trios and quartets and even concerti and +symphonies till I am black in the face already and I couldn't pay my +laundry bill even." + +For answer Volkovisk turned to the piano and seized from the pile of +music a blue-covered volume. It was the violin sonata of Richard +Strauss, and handing the violin part to Rekower he seated himself on the +stool. Then with a premonitory nod to Rekower he struck the opening +chords, and for more than ten minutes Jassy and Merech sat motionless +until the first movement was finished. + +"When Strauss wrote that he could _oser_ pay his laundry bill either," +Volkovisk said, rising from the stool. He sat down wearily at the table +and lit a cigarette. + +"So you see," he began, "Richard Strauss----" + +"Richard Strauss nothing!" cried an angry voice at his elbow. "If you +want to practise, practise at home. I pay you here to play for my +customers, not for yourselves, Volkovisk; and once and for all I am +telling you you should cut out this nonsense and _spiel_ a little music +once in a while." + +It was the proprietor, Marculescu, who spoke, and Volkovisk immediately +seated himself at the piano. This time he took from the pile of music +three small sheets, one of which he placed on the reading desk and the +other on Rekower's violin stand. After handing the other sheet to the +'cellist he plunged into a furious rendition of "Wildcat Rag." + +In the front part of the cafe a group of men and women, whose clothes +and manners proclaimed them to be slummers from the upper West Side, +broke into noisy applause as the vulgar composition came to an end, and +in the midst of their shouting and stamping Jassy rose trembling from +his seat. He slunk between tables to the door, while Volkovisk began a +repetition of the number, and it was not until he had turned the corner +of the street and the melody had ceased to sound in his ears that he +slackened his pace. When he did so, however, a friendly hand fell on his +shoulder and he turned to find Max Merech close behind him. + +"_Nu_, Mr. Jassy," Max said, "you shouldn't be so broke up because you +couldn't write so good as Richard Strauss." + +Jassy stood still and looked Max squarely in the eye. + +"That's just the point," he said in hollow tones. "Might I could if I +tried; but I am such an _Epikouros_ that I don't want to try. I would +sooner make money out of rubbish than be an artist like Volkovisk." + +Max shrugged and elevated his eyebrows. + +"A man must got to live," he said as he seized Jassy's arm and began +gently to propel him back to the Cafe Roman. + +"Sure, I know," Jassy said; "but living ain't all having good clothes to +wear and good food to eat. Living for an artist like Volkovisk is +composing music worthy of an artist. _Aber_ what do I do, Mister----" + +"Merech," Max said. + +"What do I do, Mr. Merech?" Jassy continued. "I am all the time throwing +away my art in the streets with this rotten stuff I am composing." + + * * * * * + +"Well, I tell you," Max said after they had reentered the cafe and had +seated themselves at a table remote from the piano, "composing music is +like manufacturing garments, Mr. Jassy. Some one must got to cater to +the popular-price trade and only a few manufacturers gets to the point +where they make up a highgrade line for the exclusive retailers. Ain't +it?" + +Jassy nodded as the waiter brought the cups of coffee. + +"Now you take me, for instance," Max continued. "Once I worked by B. +Gans, which I assure you, Mr. Jassy, it was a pleasure to handle the +goods in that place. What an elegant line of silks and embroidery they +got it there! Believe me, Mr. Jassy, every day I went to work there like +I would be going to a wedding already, such a beautiful goods they made +it! _Aber_ now I am working by a popular-price concern, Mr. Jassy, +which, you could take it from me, the colors them people puts together +in one garment gives me the indigestion already!" + +Again Jassy nodded sympathetically. + +"And why did I make a change?" Max went on. "Because them people pays +me seven dollars a week more as B. Gans, Mr. Jassy; and though art is +art, understand me, seven dollars a week ain't to be coughed at +neither." + +For a few minutes Jassy sipped his coffee in silence. + +"That's all right, too," he said; "but with garments you could make just +so much money manufacturing a highgrade line as you could if you are +making a popular-price line." + +Max nodded sapiently. + +"I give you right there," he agreed, "and that's because the +manufacturer of the highgrade line does business in the same way as the +popular-price concern. _Aber_ you take the composer of highgrade music +and all he does is compose. He's too proud to poosh it, Mr. Jassy; +whereas the feller what composes popular music he's just the same like +the feller what manufacturers a popular-price line of garments--he not +only manufacturers his line but he pooshes it till he gets a market for +it." + +"There ain't no market for a highclass line of music," Jassy said +hopelessly. + +"Why ain't there?" Max demanded. "Did you ever try to market a symphony? +Did Volkovisk ever try to get anybody with money interested in his +stuff? No, sirree, sir! All that feller does is to play it to a lot of +_Schnorrers_ like me, which no matter how much we like his work we +couldn't help him none. Now you take your own case, for instance. You +told us a few minutes ago you are writing some music for a new show. +Now, if you wouldn't mind my asking, who is putting in the capital for +that show?" + +"Well," Jassy replied, "a feller called Benson is putting it in and part +of the capital is from his own money and the rest he borrows." + +"Just like a new beginner would do in the garment business," Max +commented. "_Aber_ who does he borrow it from? A bank maybe--what?" + +"Some he gets from a bank," Jassy replied, "and the rest is he trying to +raise elsewheres. To-night he tells me he is getting an introduction to +a business man which he hopes to lend from him five _oder_ ten thousand +dollars." + +"Five _oder_ ten thousand dollars!" Max cried. "_Shema beni._ For five +thousand dollars Volkovisk could publish all the music he ever wrote and +give a whole lot of recitals in the bargain. One thousand dollars would +be enough even." + +"That I wouldn't deny at all," Jassy rejoined. "_Aber_ who would you +find stands willing he should invest in Volkovisk's music a thousand +dollars? Would he ever get back his thousand dollars even, let alone any +profits?" + +"It's a speculation, I admit," Max commented; "but you take Richard +Strauss, for instance, and if some feller would staked Strauss to a +thousand dollars capital when he needed it, understand me, not alone he +would got his money back but if we would say, for example, the thousand +dollars represents a ten-per-cent interest in Strauss' business, to-day +yet the feller would be worth his fifty thousand dollars, because +everybody knows what a big success Strauss made. Actually the feller +must got orders at least six months ahead. Why for one song alone they +pay him a couple thousand dollars!" + +"Well," Jassy asked, "if you feel there's such a future in it why don't +you raise a thousand dollars and finance Volkovisk?" + +Max laughed aloud. + +"Me--I couldn't raise nothing," he said; "_aber_ you--you are feeling +sore at yourself because you are writing popular stuff. Here's a chance +for you to square yourself with your art. Why don't you help Volkovisk +out? All you got to do is to find out who is loaning this here Benson +the ten thousand dollars and get him to stake Volkovisk to a thousand." + +Jassy tapped the table with his fingers. + +"For that matter I could say the same thing to you," he declared. "You +consider Volkovisk's talent so high as a business proposition, Merech, +why don't you get some business man interested--one of your bosses, for +instance?" + +He rose from his chair as he spoke and placed ten cents on the table as +his share of the evening's expenses. + +"Think it over," he said; and long after he had closed the door behind +him Max sat still with his hands in his trousers pocket and pondered the +suggestion. + +"After all," he mused as Marculescu began to turn out the lights one by +one, "why shouldn't I--the very first thing in the morning?" + +It was not, however, until Polatkin and Scheikowitz had gone out to +lunch the following day, leaving Elkan alone in the office, that Max +could bring his courage to the sticking point; and so fearful was he +that he might regret his boldness before it was too late, he fairly ran +from the cutting room to the office and delivered his preparatory +remarks in the outdoor tones of a political spellbinder. + +"Mr. Lubliner," he cried, "could I speak to you a few words something?" + +Elkan rose and slammed the door. + +"Say, lookyhere, Merech," he said, "if you want a raise don't let the +whole factory know about it, otherwise we would be pestered to death +here. Remember, also," he continued as he sat down again, "you are only +working for us a few weeks--and don't go so quick as all that." + +"What d'ye mean, a raise?" Max asked. "I ain't said nothing at all about +a raise. I am coming to see you about something entirely different +already." + +Elkan looked ostentatiously at his watch. + +"I ain't got too much time, Merech," he said. + +"Nobody's got too much time when it comes to fellers asking for raises, +Mr. Lubliner," Max retorted; "_aber_ this here is something else again, +as I told you." + +"Well, don't beat no bushes round, Merech!" Elkan cried impatiently. +"What is it you want from me?" + +"I want from you this," Max began huskily: "Might you know Tschaikovsky +maybe _oder_ Rimsky-Korsakoff." + +"Tschaikovsky I never heard of," Elkan replied, "nor the other concern +neither. Must be new beginners in the garment business--ain't it?" + +"They never was in the garment business, so far as I know," Max +continued; "_aber_ they made big successes even if they wasn't, because +all the money ain't in the garment business, Mr. Lubliner, and +Tschaikovsky and Rimsky-Korsakoff, even in the old country, made so much +money they lived in palaces yet. Once when I was a boy already, +Tschaikovsky comes to Minsk and they got up a parade for him--such a big +_Macher_ he was!" + +"I don't doubt your word for a minute, Merech; _aber_ what is all this +got to do _mit_ me?" + +"It ain't got nothing to do with you, Mr. Lubliner," Max declared--"only +I got a friend by the name Boris Volkovisk, and believe me or not, Mr. +Lubliner, in some respects Tschaikovsky and Rimsky-Korsakoff could learn +from that feller, because, you could take it from me, Mr. Lubliner, +there's some passages in the Fifth Symphony, understand me, which I hate +to say it you could call rotten!" + +Elkan stirred uneasily in his chair. + +"I don't know what you are talking about at all," he said. + +"I am talking about this," Max replied; and therewith he began to +explain to Elkan the aspirations and talent of Boris Volkovisk and +his--Max'--scheme for their successful development. For more than half +an hour he unfolded a plan by which one thousand dollars might be +judiciously expended so as to secure the maximum benefit to Volkovisk's +career--a plan that during the preceding two years Volkovisk and he had +thoroughly discussed over many a cup of coffee in Marculescu's cafe. +"And so you see, Mr. Lubliner," he concluded, "it's a plain business +proposition; and if you was to take for your thousand dollars, say, for +example, a one-tenth interest in the business Volkovisk expects to do, +understand me, you would get a big return for your investment." + +Elkan lit a cigar and puffed away reflectively before speaking. + +"_Nu_," he said at last; "so that is what you wanted to talk to me +about?" + +Max nodded. + +"Well, then, all I could say is," Elkan went on, "you are coming to the +wrong shop. A business proposition like that is for a banker, which he +is got so much money he don't know what to do with it, Merech." + +Max' face fell and he turned disconsolately away. + +"At the same time, Max," Elkan added, "I ain't feeling sore that you +come to me with the proposition, understand me. The trouble ain't with +you that you got such an idee, Max; the trouble is with me that I +couldn't see it. It's like a feller by the name Dalzell, a buyer for +Kammerman's store, says to me this morning. 'Lubliner,' he says, 'I +couldn't afford to take no chances buying highgrade garments from a +feller that is used to making a popular-price line,' he says, 'because +no matter how well equipped your factory would be the trouble is a +popular-price manufacturer couldn't think big enough to turn out +expensive garments. To such a manufacturer goods at two dollars a yard +is the limit, and goods at ten dollars a yard he couldn't imagine at +all. And even if he could induce himself to use stuff at ten dollars a +yard, y'understand, it goes against him to be liberal with such +high-priced goods, so he skimps the garment.'" + +He blew a great cloud of smoke as a substitute for a sigh. + +"And Dalzell was right, Max," he concluded. "You couldn't expect that a +garment manufacturer like me is going to got such big idees as investing +a thousand dollars in a highgrade scheme like yours. With me a thousand +dollars means so many yards piece goods, so many sewing machines or a +week's payroll; _aber_ it don't mean giving a musician a show he should +compose highgrade music. I ain't educated up to it, Max; so I wish you +luck that you should raise the money somewheres else." + + * * * * * + +When M. Sidney Benson entered his office in the Siddons Theatre Building +late that afternoon he found Jassy seated at his desk in the mournful +contemplation of some music manuscript. + +"_Nu_, Milton," Benson cried, "you shouldn't look so _rachmonos_. I +surely think I got 'em coming!" + +"You think you got 'em coming!" Jassy repeated with bitter emphasis. +"You said that a dozen times already--and always the feller wasn't so +big a sucker like he looked!" + +"That was because I didn't work it right," Benson replied. "This time I +am making out to do the feller a favour by letting him in on the show, +and right away he becomes interested. His name is Elkan Lubliner, a +manufacturer by cloaks and suits, and to-night he is coming down with +his wife yet, and you are going to take 'em round to the 'Diners Out.'" + +"I am going to the 'Diners Out' _mit_ 'em?" Milton ejaculated with every +inflection of horror and disgust. + +"Sure!" Benson replied cheerfully. "Six dollars it'll cost us, because +Ryan pretty near laughs in my face when I asked him for three seats. But +never mind, Milton, it'll be worth the money." + +"Will it?" Jassy retorted. "Well, not for me, Mr. Benson. Why, the last +time I seen that show I says I wouldn't sit through it again for a +hundred dollars." + +"A hundred dollars is a lot of money, Milton," Benson said. "_Aber_ I +think if you work it right you will get a hundred times a hundred +dollars before we are through, on account I really got this feller +going. So you should listen to me and I would tell you just what you +want to say to the feller between the acts." + +Therewith Benson commenced to unfold a series of "talking points" which +he had spent the entire day in formulating; and, as he proceeded, +Jassy's eyes wandered from the title page of the manuscript music +inscribed "Opus 47--Trio in G moll," and began to glow in sympathy with +Benson's well-laid plan. + +"There's no use shilly-shallying, Milton," Benson concluded. "The season +is getting late, and if we're ever going to put on that show now is the +time." + +Milton nodded eagerly. + +"_Aber_ why don't you take 'em to the show yourself, Mr. Benson?" he +asked hopefully. "Because, not to jolly you at all, Mr. Benson, I must +got to say it you are a wonderful talker." + +Benson shrugged his shoulders and smiled weakly. + +"I am a wonderful talker, I admit," he agreed; "but I got a hard face, +Milton, whereas you, anyhow, look honest. So you should meet me at +Hanley's afterward, understand me, and we would try to close the deal +there and then." + +He dug his hand into his trousers pocket and produced a modest roll of +bills, from which he detached six dollars. + +"Here is the money," he added, "and you should be here to meet them +people at eight o'clock sharp." + +On the stroke of eight Milton Jassy returned to Benson's office in the +Siddons Theatre Building and again seated himself at his desk in front +of the pile of manuscript music. This time, however, he brushed aside +the title page of his Opus 47 and spread out an evening paper to beguile +the tedium of awaiting Benson's "prospects." Automatically he turned to +the department headed Music and Musicians, and at the top of the column +his eye fell on the following item: + + Ferencz Lanczhid, the Budapest virtuoso, will be the soloist + at the concert this evening of the Philharmonic Society. He + will play the Tschaikovsky Violin Concerto, Opus 35, and the + remainder of the program will consist of Dvorak's Symphony, + _Aus der Neuen Welt_, and the ever-popular Meistersinger + Overture. + +Jassy heaved a tremulous sigh as he concluded the paragraph and +leaned back in his chair, while in his ears sounded the adagio passage +that introduces the first movement of the "New World Symphony." +Simultaneously the occupant of the next office slammed down his rolltop +desk and began to whistle a lively popular melody. It was "Wildcat Rag," +and Milton struck the outspread newspaper with his clenched fist. Then +rising to his feet he gathered together the loose pages of his "Opus 47" +and placed them tenderly in a leather case just as the door opened and +Elkan and Yetta entered. + +"I hope we ain't late," Elkan said. + +"Not at all," Milton replied. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Lubliner--ain't it?" + +As he drew forward a chair for Yetta he saluted his visitors with a +slight, graceful bow, a survival of his conservatory days. + +"Sit down," he said; "we got lots and lots of time." + +"I thought the show started at a quarter-past eight--ain't it?" Elkan +asked. + +"It does and it doesn't," Milton replied hesitatingly; "that is to say, +some shows start at a quarter-past eight and others not till half-past +eight." + +"But I mean this here 'Diners Out' starts at a quarter-past eight--ain't +it?" Elkan insisted. + +"'The Diners Out!'" Milton exclaimed as though he heard the name for the +first time. "Oh, sure, the 'Diners Out' starts at a quarter-past eight, +and that's just what I wanted to talk to you about." + +He turned to Yetta with an engaging smile which, with his black hair and +his dark, melancholy eyes, completely won over that far from +unimpressionable lady. + +"Now, Mrs. Lubliner," he began, "your husband is a business man--ain't +it? And if some one comes to him and says, 'Mr. Lubliner, I got here two +garments for the same price--say, for example, two dollars. One of 'em +is made of cheap material, _aber_ plenty of it _mit_ cheap embroidery on +it, understand me; while the other is from finest silk a garment--not +much of it, y'understand, but plain and beautiful.'" + +"What for a garment could you got for two dollars?" Elkan +asked--"especially a silk garment?" + +"He's only saying for example, Elkan," Yetta interrupted. + +"Garments I am only using, so to speak," Milton explained. "What I +really mean is: You got your choice to go to a popular show like the +'Diners Out' or to a really highgrade show, Mr. Lubliner. So I leave it +to you, Mr. Lubliner. Which shall it be?" + +Once again he smiled at Yetta. + +"Why, to the highgrade show, sure," Yetta replied, and she seized her +husband by the arm. "Come along, Elkan!" she cried; and after Milton +had secured the leather portfolio containing his "Opus 47" they +proceeded immediately to the elevator. + +"We could walk over there from here," Milton said when they reached the +sidewalk, and he led the way across town toward Carnegie Hall. + +"What for a show is this we are going to see?" Elkan asked. "Also a +musical show?" + +Milton nodded. + +"The best musical show there is," he declared. "Do you like maybe to +hear good music?" + +"I'm crazy about it," Yetta replied. + +"Symphonies, concerti and such things?" Milton inquired. + +"Symphonies?" Elkan repeated. "What is symphonies?" + +"I couldn't explain it to you," Milton said, "because we ain't got time; +_aber_ you would see for yourself. Only one thing I must tell you, Mr. +Lubliner--when the orchestra plays you shouldn't speak nothing--Mrs. +Lubliner neither." + +"I wouldn't open my mouth at all," Elkan assured him solemnly; and a few +minutes later Milton seated himself in the last row of the parterre at +Carnegie Hall, with Elkan and Yetta--one each side of him. + +"So you ain't never been to a symphony concert before?" Milton began, +leaning toward Elkan; and, as the latter shook his head, a short, stout +person in the adjoining seat raised his eyebrows involuntarily. "Well, +you got a big pleasure in store for you," Milton went on; "and another +thing I must got to tell you: Might you would hear some pretty jumpy +music which you would want to keep time to _mit_ your foot. Don't you do +it!" + +Elkan's neighbour concealed a smile with one hand, and then, he, too, +turned to Elkan, who had received Milton's warning with a sulky frown. + +"You're friend is right," he said. "People always have to be told that +the first time they go to a symphony concert; and the next time they go +they not only see the wisdom of such advice, but they want to get up and +lick the man that does beat time with his foot." + +He accompanied his remark with so gracious a smile that Elkan's frown +immediately relaxed. + +"A new beginner couldn't get too much advice," he said, and his +neighbour leaned farther forward and addressed Milton. + +"You've chosen a fine program to introduce your friend to good music +with," he said; and therewith began a lively conversation that lasted +until a round of applause signalized the appearance of the conductor. +The next moment he raised his baton and the celli began to sigh the +mournful phrase which ushers in the symphony. Milton leaned back +luxuriously as the woodwind commenced the next phrase; and then, while +the introduction ended with a sweeping crescendo and the tempo suddenly +increased, Elkan sat up and his eyes became fixed on the trombone and +trumpet players. + +He maintained this attitude throughout the entire first movement, and it +was not until the conductor's arm fell motionless at his side that he +settled back in his seat. + +"Well," Milton asked, "what do you think of it?" + +"A-Number-One!" Elkan answered hoarsely. "It would suit me just so well +if it would last the whole evening and we wouldn't have no singing and +dancing at all." + +"What do you mean--no singing and dancing!" Milton exclaimed. + +"Sure!" Elkan continued. "I wish them fellers would play the whole +evening." + +The conductor tapped his desk with his baton. + +"Don't worry," Milton commented as he settled himself for the next +movement. "You'll get your wish all right." + +Elkan looked inquiringly at his mentor, but Milton only placed his +forefinger to his lips; and thereafter, until the conclusion of the +symphony, the pauses between the movements of the symphony were so brief +that Elkan had no opportunity to make further inquiries. + +"Well, neighbour," asked the gentleman on his right, as the musicians +filed off the stage for the ten-minutes' intermission, "what do you +think of your first symphony?" + +Elkan smiled and concealed his shyness by clearing his throat. + +"The symphony is all right," he said; "but, with all them operators +there, what is the use they are trying to save money hiring only one +foreman?" + +"One foreman?" his neighbour cried. + +"Sure--the feller with the stick," Elkan went on blandly. "Naturally he +couldn't keep his eye on all them people at oncet--ain't it? I am +watching them fellers, which they are working them big brass machines, +for the last half hour, and except for five or ten minutes they sit +there doing absolutely nothing--just fooling away their time." + +"Them fellers ain't fooling away their time," Milton said gravely. "They +ain't got nothing to do only at intervals." + +"Then I guess they must pay 'em by piecework--ain't it?" Elkan asked. + +"They pay 'em so much a night," Milton explained. + +"Well, in that case, Mr. Jassy," Elkan continued, "all I could say is if +I would got working in my place half a dozen fellers which I am paying +by the day, understand me, and the foreman couldn't keep 'em busy only +half the time, _verstehst du_, he would quick look for another job." + +Elkan's neighbour on the right had been growing steadily more crimson, +and at last he hurriedly seized his hat and passed out into the aisle. + +"That's a pretty friendly feller," Elkan said as he gazed after him. "Do +you happen to know his name?" + +"I ain't never heard his name," Milton replied; "but he is seemingly +crazy about music. I seen him here every time I come." + +"Well, I don't blame him none," Elkan commented; "because you take the +Harlem Winter Garden, for instance, and though the music is rotten, +understand me, they got the nerve to charge you yet for a lot of food +which half the time you don't want at all; whereas here they didn't even +ask us we should buy so much as a glass beer." + +At this juncture the short, stout person returned and proceeded to +entertain Elkan and Yetta by pointing out among the audience the figures +of local and international millionaires. + +"And all them fellers is crazy about music too?" Elkan asked. + +"So crazy," his neighbour said, "that the little man over there, with +the white beard, spends almost twenty thousand a year on it!" + +"And yet," Milton said bitterly, "there's plenty fellers in the city +which year in and year out composes chamber music and symphonic music +which they couldn't themselves make ten dollars a week; and, when it +comes right down to it, none of them millionaires would loosen up to +such new beginners for even five hundred dollars to help them get a +hearing." + +The short person received Milton's outburst with a faint smile. + +"I've heard that before," he commented, "but I never had the pleasure of +meeting any of those great unknown composers." + +"That's because most of 'em is so bashful they ain't got sense enough to +push themselves forward," Milton replied; "_aber_ if you really want to +meet one I could take you to-night yet to a cafe on Delancey Street +where there is playing a trio which the pianist is something you could +really call a genius." + +"You don't tell me!" Elkan's neighbour cried. "Why, I should be +delighted to go with you." + +"How about it, Mr. Lubliner?" Milton asked. "Are you and Mrs. Lubliner +agreeable to go downtown after the show to the cafe on Delancey Street? +It's a pretty poor neighbourhood already." + +Yetta smiled. + +"Sure, I know," she said; "but it wouldn't be the first time me and +Elkan was in Delancey Street." + +"Then it's agreed that we're all going to hear the genius," Elkan's +neighbour added. "I heard you call one another Jassy and Lubliner--it's +hardly fair you shouldn't know my name too." + +He felt in his waistcoat pocket and finally handed a visiting card to +Elkan, who glanced at it hurriedly and with trembling fingers passed it +on to his wife, for it was inscribed in old English type as follows: + + +==============================+ + | | + | =Mr. Joseph Kammerman= | + | | + | =Fostoria Hotel= | + | | + | =New York= | + | | + +==============================+ + +"Once and for all, I am telling you, Volkovisk, either you would got to +play music here or quit!" Marculescu cried at eleven o'clock that +evening. "The customers is all the time kicking at the stuff you give +us." + +"What d'ye mean, stuff?" Max Merech protested. "That was no stuff, Mr. +Marculescu. That was from Brahms a trio, and it suits me down to the +ground." + +"Suits you!" Marculescu exclaimed. "Who in blazes are you?" + +"I am _auch_ a customer, Mr. Marculescu," Max replied with dignity. + +"_Yow_, a customer!" Marculescu jeered. "You sit here all night on +one cup coffee. A customer, _sagt er_! A loafer--that's what you are! +It ain't you I am making my money from, Merech--it's from them +_Takeefim_[A] uptown; and they want to hear music, not Brahms. So you +hear what I am telling you, Volkovisk! You should play something +good--like 'Wildcat Rag'." + +[Footnote A: _Takeefim_--Aristocracy.] + +"Wait a minute, Mr. Marculescu," Max interrupted. "Do you mean to told +me them lowlife bums in front there, which makes all that _Geschrei_ +over 'Dixerlie' and such like _Narrischkeit_, is _Takeefim_ yet?" + +"I don't want to listen to you at all, Merech!" Marculescu shouted. + +"I don't care if you want to listen to me _oder_ not," Merech said. "I +was a customer here when you got one little store _mit_ two waiters; and +it was me and all the other fellers you are calling loafers now what +give you, with our few pennies, your first start. Now you are too good +for us with your uptown _Takeefim_. Why, them same _Takeefim_ only comes +here, in the first place, because they want to see what it looks like in +one of the East Side cafes, where they got such good music and such +interesting characters, which sits and drinks coffee and plays chess +_und Tarrok_." + +He glared at the enraged Marculescu and waved his hands excitedly. + +"What you call loafers they call interesting characters, Mr. +Marculescu," he continued, "and what you call stuff they call good +music--and that's the way it goes, Mr. Marculescu. You are a goose which +is killing its own golden eggs!" + +"So!" Marculescu roared. "I am a goose, am I? You loafer, you! Out of +here before I kick you out!" + +"You wouldn't kick nothing," Max rejoined, "because I am happy to go out +from here! Where all the time is being played such _Machshovos_ like +'Wildcat Rag,' I don't want to stay at all." + +He rose from his chair and flung ten cents on to the table. + +"And furthermore," he cried by way of peroration, "people don't got to +come five miles down to Delancey Street to hear 'Wildcat Rag,' Mr. +Marculescu; so, if you keep on playing it, Mr. Marculescu, you will +quick find that it's an elegant tune to bust up to--and that's all I got +to say!" + +As he walked away, Marculescu made a sign to his pianist. + +"Go ahead, Volkovisk--play 'Wildcat Rag!'" he said. Then he followed Max +to the front of the cafe; and before they reached the front tables, at +which sat the slummers from uptown, Volkovisk began to pound out the +hackneyed melody. + +"That's what I think of your arguments, Merech!" Marculescu said, +walking behind the cashier's desk. + +Max paused to crush him with a final retort; but even as he began to +deliver it his tongue clove to the roof of his mouth, for at that +instant the door opened and there entered a party of four, with Elkan +Lubliner in the van. A moment later, however, Milton Jassy pushed his +guests to one side and strode angrily toward Marculescu. + +"_Koosh!_" he bellowed and stamped his foot on the floor, whereat the +music ceased and even the uptown revellers were startled into silence. +Only Marculescu remained unabashed. + +"Say," he shouted as he rushed from behind his desk, "what do you think +this joint is?--a joint!" + +"I think what I please, Marculescu," Milton said, "and you should tell +Volkovisk to play something decent. Also you should bring us two quarts +from the best Tchampanyer wine--from French wine Tchampanyer, not +_Amerikanischer_." + +He waved his hand impatiently and three waiters--half of Marculescu's +entire staff--came on the jump; so that, a moment later, Jassy and his +guests were divested of their wraps and seated at one of the largest +tables facing the piano. It was not until then that Milton descried Max +Merech hovering round the door. + +"Merech!" he called. "_Kommen sie 'r ueber!_" + +Max shook his head shyly and half-opened the door, but Elkan forestalled +him. He fairly bounded from the table and caught his assistant cutter by +the arm just as he was disappearing on to the sidewalk. + +"Max," he said, "what's the matter with you? Ain't you coming in to meet +my wife?" + +Max shrugged in embarrassment. + +"You don't want me to butt into your party, Mr. Lubliner!" he said. + +"Listen, Max," Elkan almost pleaded; "not only do I want you to, but you +would be doing me a big favour if you would come in and join us. Also, +Max, I am going to introduce you as our designer. You ain't got no +objections?" + +"Not at all," Max replied, and he followed his employer into the cafe. + +"Yetta," Elkan began, "I think you seen Mr. Merech before--ain't it?" + +Mrs. Lubliner smiled and extended her hand. + +"How do you do, Mr. Merech?" she said; and Max bowed awkwardly. + +"Mr. Kammerman," Elkan continued, "this is our designer, Max Merech; and +I could assure you, Mr. Kammerman, a very good one too. He's got a great +eye for colour." + +"And a good ear for music," Milton added as Kammerman shook the blushing +dilettante by the hand. + +"In fact, Mr. Kammerman, if he has got such taste in designing as he is +showing in music," Milton went on, "he must be a wonder! Nothing suits +him but the best. And now, if you will excuse me, I'll get Volkovisk he +should play you his sonata." + +He left the table with his leather portfolio under his arm, and for more +than five minutes he held an earnest consultation with Volkovisk and +the cellist, after which he returned smiling to his seat. + +"First Volkovisk plays his sonata, 'Opus 30,'" he explained, "and then +he would do a little thing of my own." + +He nodded briskly to Volkovisk, and Kammerman settled himself resignedly +to a hearing of what he anticipated would be a commonplace piece of +music. After the first six measures, however, he sat up straight in his +chair and his face took on an expression of wonder and delight. Then, +resting his elbow on the table, he nursed his cheek throughout the first +movement in a posture of earnest attention. + +"Why," he cried as the musician paused, "this man is a genius!" + +Max Merech nodded. His face was flushed and his eyes were filled with +tears. + +"What did I told you, Mr. Lubliner?" he said; and Jassy raised his hand +for silence while Volkovisk began the second movement. This and the +succeeding movements fully sustained the promise of the earlier portions +of the composition; and when at length Volkovisk rose from the piano +stool and approached the table Kammerman jumped from his chair and wrung +the composer's hand. + +"Sit in my chair," he insisted, and snapped his fingers at Marculescu, +who fumed impotently behind the cashier's desk. + +"Here," he called; "more wine--and look sharp about it!" + +Marculescu obeyed sulkily and again the glasses were filled. + +"Gentlemen," Kammerman said, "and Mrs. Lubliner, I ask you to drink to a +great career just beginning." + +"Lots of people said that before," Max murmured after he had emptied his +glass. + +"They said it," Kammerman replied, "but I pledge it. You shall play no +more in this place, Volkovisk--and here is my hand on it." + +Max Merech beamed across the table at his employer. + +"Well, Mr. Lubliner," he said, "you lost your chance." + +Elkan shrugged and smiled. + +"Might you could find another of them genius fellers for me maybe, Max?" +he said. + +And therewith Kammerman slapped Milton Jassy on the back. + +"By Jove! We forgot your trio," he said. "Play it, Volkovisk, as your +valedictory here." + +Again Volkovisk sought the piano, and after whispered instructions to +his assistants he began a rendition of Jassy's "Opus 47," from the +manuscript Milton had brought with him; but, allowing for the faulty +technic of the 'cellist and the uncertainty that attends the first +reading from manuscript of any composition, there was little to +recommend Jassy's work. + +"Very creditable!" Kammerman said at the end of the movement. "Perhaps +we might hear the rest." + +Max kept his eyes fixed on the table to avoid looking at Jassy, and even +Volkovisk seemed embarrassed as he swung round on the piano stool. + +"Well?" he said inquiringly. + +Jassy emitted a bitter laugh. + +"That'll do, Volkovisk," he replied hoarsely. "I guess it needs +rehearsing." + +At this point Max attempted to create a diversion. + +"Look at that lady sitting there!" he said. "She puts on a yellow hat to +an old-gold dress. She's committing murder and she don't know it!" + +Kammerman seized on the incident as a way of escape from criticising +Jassy's trio. + +"That reminds me, Lubliner," he said. "Give me your business card if you +have one with you. I must tell Mr. Dalzell, my cloak buyer, to look over +your line. I'm sure, with a designer of Mr. Merech's artistic instincts +working for you, you will be making up just the highgrade line of goods +we need." + + * * * * * + +One year later, the usual crowd of first-nighters lounged in the lobby +of the Siddons Theatre during the intermission between the second and +third acts of M. Sidney Benson's newest musical comedy, "Marjory from +Marguery's," and commented with enthusiasm on the song hit of the +show--"My Bleriot Maid." A number of the more gifted even whistled the +melody, skipping the hard part and proceeding by impromptu and +conventional modulation to the refrain, which had been expressly +designed by its composer, Milton Jassy, so as to present no technical +difficulties to the most modest whistler. + +Through this begemmed and piping throng, Kammerman and Volkovisk elbowed +their way to the street for a breath of fresh air; and as they reached +the sidewalk Kammerman heaved a sigh of relief. + +"What a terrible melody!" he ejaculated. + +"But the plot ain't bad," Volkovisk suggested, and Kammerman grinned +involuntarily. + +"To be exact, the two plots aren't bad," he said. "It's made up of two +old farces. One of them is '_Embrassons nous, Duval_,' and the other +'_Un Garcon, de chez Gaillard_.'" + +"But the costumes are really something which you could call beautiful!" +Volkovisk declared. + +"Merech approved the costumes too," Kammerman agreed with a laugh. "He +left after the first act; and he said that if you endured it to the end +you were to be sure to tell Jassy the colorings were splendid!" He lit a +cigarette reflectively. "That man is a regular shark for coloring!" he +said. "It seems that when I first met him that night he was only an +assistant cutter; but Elkan Lubliner made him designer very shortly +afterward--and it has proved a fine thing for both of them. I understand +we bought fifteen thousand dollars' worth of goods from them during the +past year!" + +"He deserved all the good luck that came to him," Volkovisk cried; and +Kammerman placed his hand affectionately on his protege's shoulder. + +"There's a special Providence that looks after artists," he said as they +reentered the theatre, "whether they paint, write, compose, or design +garments." + + + + +CHAPTER FIVE + +ONE OF ESAU'S FABLES + +THE MOUSE SCRATCHES THE LION'S BACK; THE LION SCRATCHES THE MOUSE'S BACK + + +"No, Elkan," said Louis Stout, of Flugel & Stout. "When you are coming +to compare Johnsonhurst _mit_ Burgess Park it's already a molehill to a +mountain." + +"Burgess Park ain't such high ground neither," Elkan Lubliner retorted. +"Max Kovner says he lives out there on Linden Boulevard three months +only and he gets full up with malaria something terrible." + +"Malaria we ain't got it in Burgess Park!" Louis declared. "I am living +there now six years, Elkan, and I never bought so much as a two-grain +quinine pill. Furthermore, Elkan, Kovner's malaria you could catch in +Denver, Colorado, or on an ocean steamer, y'understand; because, with a +lowlife bum like Max Kovner, which he sits up till all hours of the +night--a drinker and a gambler, understand me--you don't got to be a +professor exactly to diagonize his trouble. It ain't malaria, Elkan, +it's _Katzenjammer!_" + +"But my Yetta is stuck on Johnsonhurst," Elkan protested, "and she +already makes up her mind we would move out there." + +"That was just the way with my wife," Louis said. "For six months she is +crying all the time Ogden Estates; and if I would listen to her, Elkan, +and bought out there, y'understand, instead we would be turning down +offers on our house at an advance of twenty per cent. on the price we +paid for it, we would be considering letting the property go under +foreclosure! You ought to see that place Ogden Estates nowadays, +Elkan--nothing but a bunch of Italieners lives there." + +"But----" Elkan began. + +"Another thing," Louis Stout broke in: "Out in Johnsonhurst what kind of +society do you got? Moe Rabiner lives there, and Marks Pasinsky lives +there--and _Gott weiss wer noch_. My partner, Mr. Flugel, is approached +the other day with an offer of some property in Johnsonhurst, and I was +really in favour he should take it up; but he says to me, 'Louis,' he +says, 'a place where such people lives like Pasinsky and Rabiner I +wouldn't touch at all!' And he was right, Elkan. Salesmen and designers +only lives in Johnsonhurst; while out in Burgess Park we got a nice +class of people living, Elkan. You know J. Kamin, of the Lee Printemps, +Pittsburgh?" + +"Used to was one of our best customers," Philip Scheikowitz replied, +"though he passed us up last year." + +"His sister, Mrs. Benno Ortelsburg, lives one house by the other with +me," Louis went on. "Her husband does a big real-estate business there. +Might you also know Julius Tarnowitz, of the Tarnowitz-Wixman Department +Store, Rochester?" + +"Bought from us a couple years a small bill," Marcus Polatkin said. "I +wish we could sell him more." + +"Well, his brother, Sig Tarnowitz, lives across the street from us," +Louis cried triumphantly. "Sig's got a fine business there on Fifth +Avenue, Brooklyn." + +"What for a business?" + +"A furniture business," Louis replied. "And might you would know also +Joel Ribnik, which he is running the McKinnon-Weldon Drygoods Company, +of Cyprus, Pennsylvania?" + +"That's the feller what you nearly sold that big bill to last month, +Elkan," Scheikowitz commented. + +"Well, his sister is married to a feller by the name Robitscher, of +Robitscher, Smith & Company, the wallpaper house and interior +decorators. They got an elegant place down the street from us." + +"But----" Elkan began again. + +"But nothing, Elkan!" Marcus Polatkin interrupted with a ferocious wink; +for Louis Stout, as junior partner in the thriving Williamsburg store +of Flugel & Stout, was viewing Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company's line +preparatory to buying his spring line of dresses. "But nothing, Elkan! +Mr. Stout knows what he is talking about, Elkan; and if I would be you, +instead I would argue with him, understand me, I would take Yetta out to +Burgess Park on Sunday and give the place a look." + +"That's the idea!" Louis cried. "And you should come and take dinner +with us first. Mrs. Stout would be delighted." + +"What time do you eat dinner?" Philip Scheikowitz asked, frowning +significantly at Elkan. + +"Two o'clock," Louis replied, and Polatkin and Scheikowitz nodded in +unison. + +"He'll be there," Polatkin declared. + +"At a quarter before two," Scheikowitz added and Elkan smiled +mechanically by way of assent. + +"So come along, Mr. Stout," Polatkin said, "and look at them Ethel +Barrymore dresses. I think you'll like 'em." + +He led Stout from the office as he spoke while Scheikowitz remained +behind with Elkan. + +"Honest, Elkan," he said, "I'm surprised to see the way you are acting +with Louis Stout!" + +"What do you mean, the way I'm acting, Mr. Scheikowitz?" Elkan +protested. "Do you think I am going to buy a house in a neighbourhood +which I don't want to live in at all just to oblige a customer?" + +"_Schmooes_, Elkan!" Scheikowitz exclaimed. "No one asks you you should +buy a house there. Be a little reasonable, Elkan. What harm would it do +you, supposing you and Yetta should go out to Burgess Park next Sunday? +Because you know the way Louis Stout is, Elkan. He will look over our +line for two weeks yet before he decides on his order--and meantime we +shouldn't entegonize him." + +"I don't want to antagonize him," Elkan said; "but me and Yetta made our +arrangements to go out to Johnsonhurst next Sunday." + +"Go out there the Sunday after," cried Scheikowitz. "Johnsonhurst would +still be on the map, Elkan. It ain't going to run away exactly." + +Thus persuaded, Elkan and Yetta on the following Sunday elbowed their +way through the crowd at the entrance of the Brooklyn Bridge, and after +a delay of several minutes boarded a train for Burgess Park. + +"Well, all I can say is," Yetta gasped, after they had seized on the +only vacant seats in the car, "if it's this way on Sunday what would it +be on weekdays?" + +"There must have been a block," Elkan said meekly. Only by the exercise +of the utmost marital diplomacy had he induced his wife to make the +visit to Louis Stout's home, and one of his most telling arguments had +been the advantage of the elevated railroad journey to Burgess Park +over the subway ride to Johnsonhurst. + +"Furthermore," Yetta insisted, referring to another of Elkan's plausible +reasons for visiting Burgess Park, "I suppose all these Italieners and +_Betzimmers_ are customers of yours which we was going to run across on +our way down there. Ain't it?" + +Elkan blushed guiltily as he looked about him at the carload of +holiday-makers; but a moment later he exclaimed aloud as he recognized +in a seat across the aisle no less a person than Joseph Kamin, of Le +Printemps, Pittsburgh. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Kamin?" he said. + +"Not Elkan Lubliner, from Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company?" Mr. Kamin +exclaimed. "Well, who would think to meet you here!" + +He rose from his seat, whereat a bulky Italian immediately sank into it; +and as livery of seizin he appropriated the comic section of Mr. Kamin's +Sunday paper, which had fallen to the floor of the car, and spread it +wide open in front of him. + +"Now you lost your seat," Elkan said; "so you should take mine." + +He jumped to his feet and Kamin sat down in his place, while a +Neapolitan who hung on an adjacent strap viciously scowled his +disappointment. + +"You ain't acquainted with Mrs. Lubliner?" Elkan said. + +"Pleased to meetcher," Kamin murmured. + +Yetta bowed stiffly and Elkan hastened to make conversation by way of +relieving Mr. Kamin's embarrassment. + +"Looks like an early spring the way people is going to the country in +such crowds," he said. + +"I bet yer," Kamin rejoined emphatically. "I arrived in New York two +weeks ahead of my schedule, because I simply got to do my buying now or +lose a lot of early spring trade." + +"Have you been in town long?" Elkan asked. + +"Only this morning," Kamin answered; "and I am going down to eat dinner +with my sister, Mrs. Ortelsburg. She lives in Burgess Park." + +"Is that so?" Elkan exclaimed. "We ourselves are going to Burgess +Park--to visit a friend." + +"A customer," Yetta corrected. + +"A customer could also be a friend," Kamin declared, "especially if he's +a good customer." + +"This is a very good customer," Elkan went on, "by the name Louis +Stout." + +"Louis Stout, from Flugel & Stout?" Kamin cried. "Why, him and Benno +Ortelsburg is like brothers already! Well, then, I'll probably see you +down in Burgess Park this afternoon, on account every Sunday afternoon +Louis plays pinocle at my brother-in-law's house. Why don't he fetch you +round to take a hand?" + +"I should be delighted," Elkan said; but Yetta sniffed audibly. + +"I guess we would be going home right after dinner, before the crowd +starts back," she said. + +"Not on a fine day like this you wouldn't," Kamin protested; "because +once you get out to Burgess Park you ain't in such a hurry to come back. +I wish we would got such a place near Pittsburgh, Mrs. Lubliner. I bet +yer I would quick move out there. The smoke gets worser and worser in +Pittsburgh; in fact, it's so nowadays we couldn't sell a garment in +pastel shades." + +"Well, we got plenty blacks, navy blues, Copenhagen blues and brown in +our spring line, Mr. Kamin," Elkan said; and therewith he commenced so +graphically to catalogue Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company's new stock +that, by the time the train drew into Burgess Park, Kamin was making +figures on the back of an envelope in an effort to convince Elkan that +his prices were all wrong. + +"But, anyhow," Kamin said, as they parted in front of the Ortelsburgs' +colonial residence, "I will see you in the store to-morrow morning +sure." + +"You'll see me before then, because me and Yetta is coming round this +afternoon sure--ain't we, Yetta?" + +Mrs. Lubliner nodded, for her good humour had been restored by Elkan's +splendid exhibition of salesmanship. + +"This afternoon is something else again," Kamin said, "because a feller +which tries to mix pinocle with business is apt to overplay his hand in +both games." + + * * * * * + +"No, Joe; you're wrong," Benno Ortelsburg said to his brother-in-law, +Joseph Kamin, as they sipped their after-dinner coffee in the Ortelsburg +library that day. "It wouldn't be taking advantage of the feller at all. +You say yourself he tries to sell goods to you on the car already. Why +shouldn't we try to sell Glaubmann's house to him while he's down here? +And we'll split the commission half and half." + +Kamin hesitated before replying. + +"In business, Joe--it's Esau's fable of the lion and the mouse every +time!" Ortelsburg continued. "The mouse scratches the lion's back and +the lion scratches the mouse's back! Ain't it?" + +"But you know so well as I do, Benno, that Glaubmann's house on Linden +Boulevard ain't worth no eighteen thousand dollars," Kamin said. + +"Why ain't it?" Benno retorted. "Glaubmann's Linden Boulevard house is +precisely the same house as this, built from the same plans and +everything--and this house costs me thirteen thousand five hundred +dollars. Suburban real estate is worth just so much as you can get some +sucker to pay for it, Joe. So I guess I better get the cards and chips +ready, because I see Glaubmann coming up the street now." + +A moment later Glaubmann entered the library and greeted Kamin +uproariously. + +"Hello, Joe!" he cried. "How's the drygoods business in Pittsburgh?" + +"Not so good as the real-estate business in Burgess Park, Barney," Kamin +replied. "They tell me you are selling houses hand over fist." + +"_Yow_--hand over fist!" Barnett cried. "If I carry a house six months +and sell it at a couple thousand dollars' profit, what is it?" + +"I got to get rid of a whole lot of garments to make a couple thousand +dollars, Barney," Kamin said; "and, anyhow, if you sell a house for +eighteen thousand dollars which it cost you thirteen-five you would be +making a little more as four thousand dollars." + +"Sure I would," Glaubmann replied; "_aber_ the people which buys +green-goods and gold bricks ain't investing in eighteen-thousand-dollar +propositions! Such yokels you could only interest in hundred-dollar lots +between high and low water on some of them Jersey sandbars." + +"There is all kinds of come-ons, Barney," Joe said, "and the biggest +one, understand me, is the business man who is willing to be played for +a sucker, so as he can hold his customers' trade." + +"You got the proper real-estate spirit, Joe," Benno declared, as he +returned with the cards and chips. "You don't allow the ground to grow +under your feet. Just at present, though, we are going to spiel a +little pinocle and we would talk business afterward." + +"Real estate ain't business," Kamin retorted. "It's a game like pinocle; +and I got a little Jack of Diamonds and Queen of Spades coming round +here in a few minutes which I would like to meld." + +"Now you are talking poetry," Barnett said. + +"Take it from me, Barney," Benno Ortelsburg interrupted, "this ain't no +poetry. It's a fact; and if you could see your way clear to pay a +thousand dollars' commission, y'understand, me and Joe is got a customer +for your Linden Boulevard house at eighteen thousand dollars." + +"Jokes you are making me!" Barnett cried. "You shouldn't drink so much +schnapps after dinner, Benno, because I could as much get eighteen +thousand for that Linden Boulevard house as I would pay you a thousand +dollars commission if I got it." + +"You ain't paying me the thousand dollars," Benno protested. "Don't you +suppose Joe's got a look-in-here?" + +"And furthermore," Joe said, "you also got Louis Stout to consider. If +you think Louis Stout is going to sit by and see a commission walk past +him, Benno, you are making a big mistake." + +"I'm willing we should give Louis a hundred or so," Benno agreed. "We +got to remember Louis is a customer of his also." + +"A customer of who's?" Barnett asked, as the doorbell rang. + +"_Stiegen!_" Benno hissed; and a moment later he ushered Elkan and Yetta +into the library, while Mr. Stout brought up the rear. + +Benno cleared his throat preparatory to introducing the newcomers, but +Louis Stout brushed hastily past him. + +"Mr. Glaubmann," Louis said, "this is my friend, Elkan Lubliner." + +"And you forget Mrs. Lubliner," cried Mrs. Ortelsburg, who had hurried +downstairs at the sound of voices in the hall. "I'm Mrs. Ortelsburg," +she continued, turning to Yetta. "Won't you come upstairs and take your +things off?" + +"Elkan," Louis Stout continued, "you better go along with her. I want +you to see what an elegant lot of clothes-closets they got upstairs. You +know most houses is designed by archytecks which all they are trying to +do is to save money for the builder. _Aber_ this archyteck was an +exception. The way he figures it he tries to build the house to please +the women, _mit_ lots of closet room, and--excuse me, ladies--to hell +with the expenses! I'll go upstairs with you and show you what I mean." + +Benno frowned angrily. + +"'Tain't necessary, Louis," he said. "Mrs. Ortelsburg would show him." + +He drew forward chairs; and, after Elkan and Yetta had followed Mrs. +Ortelsburg upstairs, he closed the library door. + +"Couldn't I introduce people in my own house, Stout?" he demanded. + +Louis Stout shrugged his shoulders. + +"If you mean as a matter of ettykit--yes," he retorted; "_aber_ if it's +a real-estate transaction--no. When I bring a customer to Mr. Glaubmann +for his Linden Boulevard house, Ortelsburg, I do the introducing myself, +which afterward I don't want no broker to claim he earned the commission +by introducing the customer first--understand me?" + +He seated himself and smiled calmly at Kamin, Glaubmann, and his host. + +"I ain't living in the country for my health exactly," he declared, "and +don't you forget it." + +"Where's your written authorization from the owner?" Ortelsburg +demanded, raising a familiar point of real-estate brokerage law; and +Stout tapped his breast pocket. + +"Six months ago already," Stout replied, "Mr. Glaubmann writes me if I +hear of a customer for his house he would protect me, and I got the +letter here in my pocket. Ain't that right, Mr. Glaubmann?" + +Glaubmann had walked toward the window and was looking out upon the +budding white poplars that spread their branches at a height of six +feet above the sidewalks of Burgess Park. He nodded in confirmation of +Louis' statement; and as he did so a short, stout person, who was +proceeding hurriedly down the street in the direction of the station, +paused in front of the Ortelsburg residence. A moment later he rang the +bell and Ortelsburg himself opened the door. + +"_Nu_, Mr. Kovner!" he said. "What could I do for you?" + +"Mr. Glaubmann just nods to me out of your window," Max Kovner replied, +"and I thought he wants to speak to me." + +Benno returned to the library with Max at his heels. + +"Do you want to speak to Mr. Kovner, Glaubmann?" he asked, and Glaubmann +started perceptibly. During the months of Max Kovner's tenancy Glaubmann +had not only refrained from visiting his Linden Boulevard house, but he +had also performed feats of disappearance resembling Indian warfare in +his efforts to avoid Max Kovner on the streets of Burgess Park. All this +was the result of Max Kovner's taking possession of the Linden Boulevard +house upon Glaubmann's agreement to make necessary plumbing repairs and +to paint and repaper the living rooms; and Glaubmann's complete breach +of this agreement was reflected in the truculency of Max Kovner's manner +as he entered the Ortelsburg library. + +"Maybe Glaubmann don't want to speak to me," he cried, "but I want to +speak to him, and in the presence of you gentlemen here also." + +He banged Ortelsburg's library table with his clenched fist. + +"Once and for all, Mr. Glaubmann," he said, "either you would fix that +plumbing and do that painting, understand me, or I would move out of +your Linden Boulevard house the first of next month sure!" + +Glaubmann received this ultimatum with a defiant grin. + +"_Schmooes_, Kovner," he said, "you wouldn't do nothing of the kind! You +got _mit_ me a verbal lease for one year in the presence of my wife, +your wife and a couple of other people which the names I forget." + +"And how about the repairs?" Kovner demanded. + +"If you seen the house needs repairs and you go into possession anyhow," +Glaubmann retorted, "you waive the repairs, because the agreement to +repair merges in the lease. That's what Kent J. Goldstein, my lawyer, +says, Kovner; and ask any other lawyer, Kovner, and he could tell you +the same." + +"So," Kovner exclaimed, "I am stuck with that rotten house for a year! +Is that the idee?" + +Glaubmann nodded. + +"All right, Mr. Glaubmann," Kovner concluded. "You are here in a strange +house to me and I couldn't do nothing; but I am coming over to your +office to-morrow, and if I got to sit there all day, understand me, we +would settle this thing up." + +"That's all right," Ortelsburg interrupted. "When you got real-estate +business with Glaubmann, Mr. Kovner, his office is the right place to +see him. _Aber_ here is a private house and Sunday, Mr. Kovner, and we +ain't doing no real-estate business here. So, if you got a pressing +engagement somewheres else, Mr. Kovner, don't let me hurry you." + +He opened the library door, and with a final glare at his landlord Max +passed slowly out. + +"That's a dangerous feller," Glaubmann said as his tenant banged the +street door behind him. "He goes into possession for one year without a +written lease containing a covenant for repairs by the landlord, +y'understand, and now he wants to blame me for it! Honestly, the way +some people acts so unreasonable, Kamin, it's enough to sicken me with +the real-estate business!" + +Kamin nodded sympathetically, but Louis Stout made an impatient gesture +by way of bringing the conversation back to its original theme. + +"That ain't here or there," he declared. "The point is I am fetching you +a customer for your Linden Boulevard house, Glaubmann, and I want this +here matter of the commission settled right away." + +Ortelsburg rose to his feet as a shuffling on the stairs announced the +descent of his guests. + +"Commissions we would talk about afterward," he said. "First let us sell +the house." + + * * * * * + +In Benno Ortelsburg's ripe experience there were as many methods of +selling suburban residences as there were residences for sale; and, like +the born salesman he was, he realized that each transaction possessed +its individual obstacles, to be overcome by no hard-and-fast rules of +salesmanship. Thus he quickly divined that whoever sought to sell Elkan +a residence in Burgess Park must first convince Yetta, and he proceeded +immediately to apportion the chips for a five-handed game of auction +pinocle, leaving Yetta to be entertained by his wife. Mrs. Ortelsburg's +powers of persuasion in the matter of suburban property were second only +to her husband's, and the game had not proceeded very far when Benno +looked into the adjoining room and observed with satisfaction that Yetta +was listening open-mouthed to Mrs. Ortelsburg's fascinating narrative of +life in Burgess Park. + +"Forty hens we got it," she declared; "and this month alone they are +laying on us every day a dozen eggs--some days ten, or nine at the +least. Then, of course, if we want a little fricassee once in a while we +could do that also." + +"How do you do when you are getting all of a sudden company?" Yetta +asked. "I didn't see no delicatessen store round here." + +"You didn't?" Mrs. Ortelsburg exclaimed. "Why, right behind the depot is +Mrs. J. Kaplan's a delicatessen store, which I am only saying to her +yesterday, 'Mrs. Kaplan,' I says, 'how do you got all the time such +fresh, nice smoke-tongue here?' And she says, 'It's the country air,' +she says, 'which any one could see; not alone smoke-tongue keeps fresh, +_aber_ my daughter also, when she comes down here,' she says, 'she is +pale like anything--and look at her now!' And it's a fact, Mrs. +Lubliner, the daughter did look sick, and to-day yet she's got a +complexion fresh like a tomato already. That's what Burgess Park done +for her!" + +"But don't you got difficulty keeping a girl, Mrs. Ortelsburg?" Yetta +inquired. + +"Difficulty?" Mrs. Ortelsburg cried. "Why, just let me show you my +kitchen. The girls love it here. In the first place, we are only twenty +minutes from Coney Island; and, in the second place, with all the eggs +which we got it, they could always entertain their fellers here in such +a fine, big kitchen, which I am telling my girl, Lena: 'So long as you +give 'em omelets or fried eggs _mit_ fat, Lena, I don't care how many +eggs you use--_aber_ butter is butter in Burgess Park _oder_ Harlem.'" + +In this vein Mrs. Ortelsburg continued for more than an hour, while she +conducted Yetta to the kitchen and cellar and back again to the +bedrooms above stairs, until she decided that sufficient interest had +been aroused to justify the more robust method of her husband. She +therefore returned to the library, and therewith began for Benno +Ortelsburg the real business of the afternoon. + +"Well, boys," he said, "I guess we would quit pinocle for a while and +join the ladies." + +He chose for this announcement a moment when Elkan's chips showed a +profit of five dollars; and as, in his capacity of banker, he adjusted +the losses of the other players, he kept up a merry conversation +directed at Mrs. Lubliner. + +"Here in Burgess Park," he said, "we play pinocle and we leave it alone; +while in the city when a couple business men play pinocle they spend a +day at it--and why? Because they only get a chance to play pinocle once +in a while occasionally. Every night they are going to theatre _oder_ a +lodge affair, understand me; whereas here, the train service at night +not being so extra elegant, y'understand, we got good houses and we stay +in 'em; which in Burgess Park after half-past seven in the evening any +one could find a dozen pinocle games to play in--and all of 'em breaks +up by half-past ten already." + +With this tribute to the transit facilities and domesticity of Burgess +Park, he concluded stacking up the chips and turned to Mrs. Lubliner. + +"Yes, Mrs. Lubliner," he continued with an amiable smile, "if you +wouldn't persuade your husband to move out to Burgess Park, understand +me, I shall consider it you don't like our house here at all." + +"But I do like your house!" Yetta protested. + +"I should hope so," Benno continued, "on account it would be a poor +compliment to a lot of people which could easy be good customers of your +husband. For instance, this house was decorated by Robitscher, Smith & +Company, which Robitscher lives across the street already; and his wife +is Joel Ribnik's--the McKinnon-Weldon Drygoods Company's--a sister +already." + +"You don't tell me?" Yetta murmured. + +"And Joel is staying with 'em right now," Benno went on. "Furthermore, +we got our furniture and carpets by Sig Tarnowitz, which he lives a +couple of doors down from here--also got relatives in the retail +drygoods business by the name Tarnowitz-Wixman Drygoods Company. The +brother, Julius Tarnowitz, is eating dinner with 'em to-day." + +"It's a regular buyers' colony here, so to speak," Louis Stout said, and +Joseph Kamin nodded. + +"Tell you what you do, Benno," Joseph suggested. "Get Tarnowitz and +Ribnik to come over here. I think Elkan would like to meet them." + +Benno slapped his thigh with a resounding blow. + +"That's a great idee!" he cried; and half an hour later the Ortelsburg +library was thronged with visitors, for not only Joel Ribnik and Julius +Tarnowitz had joined Benno's party, but seated in easy chairs were +Robitscher, the decorator, and Tarnowitz, the furniture dealer. + +"Yes, siree, sir!" Robitscher cried. "Given the same decorative +treatment to that Linden Boulevard house, Mr. Lubliner, and it would got +Ortelsburg's house here skinned to pieces, on account over there it is +more open and catches the sun afternoon and morning both." + +During this pronouncement Elkan's face wore a ghastly smile and he +underwent the sensations of the man in the tonneau of a touring car +which is beginning to skid toward a telegraph pole. + +"In that case I should recommend you don't buy a Kermanshah rug for the +front room," Sigmund Tarnowitz interrupted. "I got in my place right now +an antique Beloochistan, which I would let go at only four hundred +dollars." + +"_Aber_ four hundred dollars is an awful lot of money to pay for a rug," +Elkan protested. He had avoided looking at Yetta for the past half-hour; +but now he glanced fearfully at her, and in doing so received a distinct +shock, for Yetta sat with shining eyes and flushed cheeks, inoculated +beyond remedy with the virus of the artistic-home fever. + +"Four hundred ain't so much for a rug," she declared. + +"Not for an antique Beloochistan," Sig Tarnowitz said, "because every +year it would increase in value on you." + +"Just the same like that Linden Boulevard house," Ortelsburg added, +"which you could take it from me, Mrs. Lubliner, if you don't get right +away an offer of five hundred dollars advance on your purchase price I +would eat the house, plumbing and all." + +At the word "plumbing" Glaubmann started visibly. + +"The plumbing would be fixed so good as new," he said; "and I tell you +what I would do also, Mr. Lubliner--I would pay fifty per cent. of the +decorations if Mr. Ortelsburg would make me an allowance of a hundred +dollars on the commission!" + +"Could anything be fairer than this?" Ortelsburg exclaimed; and he +grinned maliciously as Louis Stout succumbed to a fit of coughing. + +"But we ain't even seen the house!" Elkan cried. + +"Never mind we ain't seen it," Yetta said; "if the house is the same +like this that's all I care about." + +"Sure, I know," Elkan replied; "but I want to see the house first before +I would even commence to think of buying it." + +"_Schon gut!_" Glaubmann said. "I ain't got no objection to show you the +house from the outside; _aber_ there is at present people living in the +house, understand me, which for the present we couldn't go inside." + +"Mr. Lubliner don't want to see the inside, Glaubmann!" Ortelsburg +cried, in tones implying that he deprecated Glaubmann's suggestion as +impugning Elkan's good faith in the matter. "The inside would be +repaired and decorated to suit, Mr. Glaubmann, but the outside he's got +a right to see; so we would all go round there and give a look." + +Ten minutes afterward a procession of nine persons passed through the +streets of Burgess Park and lingered on the sidewalk opposite +Glaubmann's house. There Ortelsburg descanted on the comparatively high +elevation of Linden Boulevard and Mrs. Ortelsburg pointed out the +chicken-raising possibilities of the back lot; and, after gazing at the +shrubbery and incipient shade trees that were planted in the front yard, +the line of march was resumed in the direction of Burgess Park's +business neighbourhood. Another pause was made at Mrs. J. Kaplin's +delicatessen store; and, laden with packages of smoked tongue, Swiss +cheese and dill pickles, the procession returned to the Ortelsburg +residence marshalled by Benno Ortelsburg, who wielded as a baton a +ten-cent loaf of rye bread. + +Thus the remainder of the evening was spent in feasting and more +pinocle until nearly midnight, when Elkan and Yetta returned to town on +the last train. Hence, with his late homecoming and the Ortelsburgs' +delicatessen supper, Elkan slept ill that night, so that it was past +nine o'clock before he arrived at his office the following morning. +Instead of the satirical greeting which he anticipated from his senior +partner, however, he was received with unusual cordiality by Polatkin, +whose face was spread in a grin. + +"Well, Elkan," he said, "you done a good job when you decided to buy +that house." + +"When I decided to buy the house? Who says I decided to buy the house?" +Elkan cried. + +"J. Kamin did," Polatkin explained. "He was here by a quarter to eight +already; and not alone J. Kamin was here, but Joel Ribnik and Julius +Tarnowitz comes in also. Scheikowitz and me has been on the jump, I bet +yer; in fact, Scheikowitz is in there now with J. Kamin and Tarnowitz. +Between 'em, those fellers has picked out four thousand dollars' goods." + +Elkan looked at his partner in unfeigned astonishment. + +"So soon?" he said. + +"Ribnik too," Polatkin continued. "He makes a selection of nine hundred +dollars' goods--among 'em a couple stickers like them styles 2040 and +2041. He says he is coming back in half an hour, on account he's got an +appointment with a brother-in-law of his." + +"By the name Robitscher?" Elkan asked. + +"That's the feller," Polatkin answered. "Ribnik says you promised +Robitscher the decorations from the house you are buying." + +"What d'ye mean I promised him the decorations from the house I am +buying?" Elkan exclaimed in anguished tones. "In the first place, I +ain't promised him nothing of the kind; and, in the second place, I +ain't even bought the house yet." + +"That part will be fixed up all right," Polatkin replied, "because Mr. +Glaubmann rings up half an hour ago, and he says that so soon as we need +him and the lawyer we should telephone for 'em." + +For a brief interval Elkan choked with rage. + +"Say, lookyhere, Mr. Polatkin," he sputtered at last, "who is going to +live in this house--you _oder_ me?" + +"You are going to live in the house, Elkan," Polatkin declared, "because +me I don't need a house. I already got one house, Elkan, and I ain't +twins exactly; and also them fellers is very plain about it, Elkan, +which they told me and Scheikowitz up and down, that if you wouldn't buy +the house they wouldn't confirm us the orders." + +At this juncture Scheikowitz entered the office. From the doorway of the +showroom he had observed the discussion between Elkan and his partner; +and he had entirely deserted his prospective customers to aid in +Elkan's coercion. + +"Polatkin is right, Elkan!" he cried. "You got to consider Louis Stout +also. Kamin said he would never forgive us if the deal didn't go +through." + +Elkan bit his lips irresolutely. + +"I don't see what you are hesitating about," Polatkin went on. "Yetta +likes the house--ain't it?" + +"She's crazy about it," Elkan admitted. + +"Then what's the use talking?" Scheikowitz declared; and he glanced +anxiously toward Tarnowitz and Kamin, who were holding a whispered +conference in the showroom. "Let's make an end and get the thing over. +Telephone this here Glaubmann he should come right over with Ortelsburg +and the lawyer." + +"But ain't I going to have no lawyer neither?" Elkan demanded. + +"Sure you are," Scheikowitz replied. "I took a chance, Elkan, and I +telephoned Henry D. Feldman half an hour since already. He says he would +send one up of his assistants, Mr. Harvey J. Sugarberg, right away." + + * * * * * + +When it came to drawing a real-estate contract there existed for Kent J. +Goldstein no incongruities of time and place. Kent was the veteran of a +dozen real-estate booms, during which he had drafted agreements at all +hours of the day and night, improvising as his office the back room of a +liquor saloon or the cigar counter of a barber shop; and, in default of +any other writing material, he was quite prepared to tattoo a brief +though binding agreement with gunpowder on the skin of the vendor's +back. + +Thus the transaction between Glaubmann and Elkan Lubliner presented no +difficulties to Kent J. Goldstein; and he handled the details with such +care and dispatch that the contract was nearly finished before Harvey J. +Sugarberg remembered the instructions of his principal. As attorney for +the buyer, it was Henry D. Feldman's practice to see that the contract +of sale provided every opportunity for his client lawfully to avoid +taking title should he desire for any reason, lawful or unlawful, to +back out; and this rule of his principal occurred to Harvey just as he +and Goldstein were writing the clause relating to incumbrances. + +"The premises are to be conveyed free and clear of all incumbrances," +Kent read aloud, "except the mortgage and covenant against nuisances +above described and the present tenancies of said premises." + +He had brought with him two blank forms of agreement; and as he filled +in the blanks on one of them he read aloud what he was writing and +Harvey Sugarberg inserted the same clause in the other. Up to this +juncture Harvey had taken Kent's dictation with such remarkable docility +that Elkan and his partners had frequently exchanged disquieting +glances, and they were correspondingly elated when Harvey at length +balked. + +"One moment, Mr. Goldstein," he said--and, but for a slight nervousness, +he reproduced with histrionic accuracy the tone and gesture of his +employer--"as _locum tenens_ for my principal I must decline to insert +the phrase, 'and the present tenancies of said premises.'" + +Kent wasted no time in forensic dispute when engaged in a real-estate +transaction, though, if necessary, he could make kindling of the +strongest rail that ever graced the front of a jury-box. + +"How 'bout it, Glaubmann?" he said. "The premises is occupied--ain't +they?" + +Glaubmann flapped his right hand in a gesture of _laissez-faire_. + +"The feller moves out by the first of next month," he said; and Kent +turned to Elkan. + +"Are you satisfied that the tenant stays in the house until the first?" +he asked. "That will be three days after the contract is closed." + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders. + +"Why not?" he said. + +"All right, Mr.----Forget your name!" Kent cried. "Cut out 'and the +present tenancies of said premises.'" + +At this easy victory a shade of disappointment passed over the faces of +Harvey Sugarberg and his clients, and the contract proceeded without +further objection to its rapid conclusion. + +"Now then, my friends," Kent announced briskly, "we're ready for the +signatures." + +At this, the crucial point of all real-estate transactions, a brief +silence fell upon the assembled company, which included not only the +attorneys and the clients, but Ortelsburg, Kamin, Tarnowitz and Ribnik +as well. Finally Glaubmann seized a pen, and, jabbing it viciously in an +inkpot, he made a John Hancock signature at the foot of the agreement's +last page. + +"Now, Mr. Lubliner," Kent said--and Elkan hesitated. + +"Ain't we going to wait for Louis Stout?" he asked; and immediately +there was a roar of protest that sounded like a mob scene in a Drury +Lane melodrama. + +"If Louis Stout ain't here it's his own fault," Ortelsburg declared; and +Ribnik, Tarnowitz, and Kamin glowered in unison. + +"I guess he's right, Elkan," Polatkin murmured. + +"It is his own fault if he ain't here," Scheikowitz agreed feebly; and, +thus persuaded, Elkan appended a small and, by contrast with +Glaubmann's, a wholly unimpressive signature to the agreement. +Immediately thereafter Elkan passed over a certified check for eight +hundred dollars, according to the terms of the contract, which provided +that the title be closed in twenty days at the office of Henry D. +Feldman. + +"Well, Mr. Lubliner," Glaubmann said, employing the formula hallowed by +long usage in all real-estate transactions involving improved property, +"I wish you luck in your new house." + +"Much obliged," Elkan said; and after a general handshaking the entire +assemblage crowded into one elevator, so that finally Elkan was left +alone with his partners. + +Polatkin was the first to break a silence of over five minutes' +duration. + +"Ain't it funny," he said, "that we ain't heard from Louis?" + +Scheikowitz nodded; and as he did so the elevator door creaked noisily +and there alighted a short, stout person, who, having once been +described in the I. O. M. A. Monthly as Benjamin J. Flugel, the Merchant +Prince, had never since walked abroad save in a freshly ironed silk hat +and a Prince Albert coat. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Flugel?" Polatkin and Scheikowitz cried with +one voice, and Mr. Flugel bowed. Albeit a tumult raged within his +breast, he remained outwardly the dignified man of business; and, as +Elkan viewed for the first time Louis Stout's impressive partner, he +could not help congratulating himself on the mercantile sagacity that +had made him buy Glaubmann's house. + +"And this is Mr. Lubliner?" Flugel said in even tones. + +"Pleased to meet you," Elkan said. "I had dinner with your partner only +yesterday." + +Flugel gulped convulsively in an effort to remain calm. + +"I know it," he said; "and honestly the longer I am in business with +that feller the more I got to wonder what a _Schlemiel_ he is. Actually +he goes to work and tries to do his own partner without knowing it at +all. Mind you, if he would be doing it from spite I could understand it; +but when one partner don't know that the other partner practically +closes a deal for a tract of a hundred lots and six houses in +Johnsonhurst, and then persuades a prospective purchaser that, instead +of buying in Johnsonhurst, he should buy in Burgess Park, understand me, +all I got to say is that if Louis Stout ain't crazy the least he +deserves is that the feller really and truly should buy in Burgess +Park." + +"But, Mr. Flugel," Elkan interrupted, "I did buy in Burgess Park." + +"What!" Flugel shouted. + +"I say that I made a contract for a house out there this morning only," +Elkan said. + +For a few seconds it seemed as though Benjamin J. Flugel's heirs-at-law +would collect a substantial death benefit from the I. O. M. A., but the +impending apoplexy was warded off by a tremendous burst of profanity. + +"_Aber_, Mr. Flugel," Scheikowitz protested, "Louis tells us only last +Saturday, understand me, you told him that Johnsonhurst you wouldn't +touch at all, on account such lowlifes like Rabiner and Pasinsky lives +out there!" + +"I know I told him that," Flugel yelled; "because, if I would say I am +going to buy out there, Stout goes to work and blabs it all over the +place, and the first thing you know they would jump the price on me a +few thousand dollars. He's a dangerous feller, Louis is, Mr. +Scheikowitz!" + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders. + +"That may be, Mr. Flugel," he said, "but I signed the contract with +Glaubmann for his house on Linden Boulevard--and that's all there is to +it!" + +Polatkin and Scheikowitz nodded in melancholy unison. + +"Do you got the contract here?" Flugel asked; and Elkan picked up the +document from his desk, where it had been placed by Goldstein. + +"You paid a fancy price for the house," Flugel continued, as he examined +the agreement. + +"I took your partner's advice, Mr. Flugel," Elkan retorted. + +"Why, for eighteen thousand five hundred dollars, in Johnsonhurst," +Flugel continued, "I could give you a palace already!" + +He scanned the various clauses of the contract with the critical eye of +an experienced real-estate operator; and before he had completed his +examination the elevator door again creaked open. + +"Is Glaubmann gone?" cried a voice from the interior of the car, and the +next moment Kovner alighted. + +Flugel looked up from the contract. + +"Hello, Kovner," he said, "are you in this deal too?" + +"I ain't in any deal," Kovner replied. "I am looking for Barnett +Glaubmann. They told me in his office he is coming over here and would +be here all the morning." + +"Well, he was here," Elkan replied, "but he went away again." + +Kovner sat down without invitation. + +"It ain't no more as I expected," he began in the dull, resigned tones +of a man with a grievance. "That swindler has been dodging me for four +months now, and I guess he will keep on dodging me for the rest of the +year that he claims I got a lease on his house for." + +"What house?" Flugel asked. + +"The house which I am living in it," Max replied--"on Linden Boulevard, +Burgess Park." + +"On Linden Boulevard, Burgess Park!" Flugel repeated. "Why, then it's +the same house--ain't it, Lubliner?" + +Elkan nodded, and as he did so Flugel struck the desk a tremendous blow +with his fist. + +"Fine!" he ejaculated. + +"Fine!" Kovner repeated. "What the devil you are talking about, fine? Do +you think it's fine I should got to live a whole year in a house which +the least it must got to be spent on it is for plumbing a hundred +dollars and for painting a couple hundred more?" + +"That's all right," Flugel declared with enthusiasm. "It ain't so bad as +it looks; because if you can show that you got a right to stay in that +house for the rest of the year, understand me, I'll make a proposition +to you." + +"Show it?" Kovner exclaimed. "I don't got to show it, because I couldn't +help myself, Mr. Flugel. Glaubmann claims that I made a verbal lease for +one year, and he's right. I was fool enough to do so." + +Flugel glanced inquiringly at Polatkin and Scheikowitz. + +"How about that?" he asked. "The contract don't say nothing about a +year's lease." + +"I know it don't," Elkan replied, "because when our lawyer raises the +question about the tenant Glaubmann says he could get him out at any +time." + +"And he can too," Kovner declared with emphasis, but Flugel shook his +head. + +"No, he can't, Kovner," he said; "or, anyway, he ain't going to, because +you are going to stay in that house." + +"With the rotten plumbing it's got?" Kovner cried. "Not by a whole lot I +ain't." + +"The plumbing could be fixed and the painting also," Flugel retorted. + +"By Glaubmann?" Kovner asked. + +"No, sir," Flugel replied; "by me, with a hundred dollars cash to boot. +I would even give you an order on my plumber he should fix up the +plumbing and on my house painter he should fix up the painting, Kovner; +_aber_ you got to stick it out that you are under lease for the rest of +the year." + +"And when do I get the work done?" Kovner demanded. + +"To-day," Flugel announced--"this afternoon if you want it." + +"But hold on there a minute!" Elkan protested. "If I am going to take +that house I don't want no painting done there till I am good and +ready." + +Flugel smiled loftily at Elkan. + +"You ain't going to take that house at all," he said, "because the +contract says that it is to be conveyed free and clear, except the +mortgage and a covenant against nuisances. So you reject the title on +the grounds that the house is leased for a year. Do you get the idee?" + +Elkan nodded. + +"And next Sunday," Flugel continued, "I wish you'd take a run down with +me in my oitermobile to Johnsonhurst. It's an elegant, high-class +suburb." + + * * * * * + +Insomnia bears the same relation to the calling of real-estate operators +that fossyjaw does to the worker in the match industry; and, during the +twenty days that preceded the closing of his contract with Elkan, +Barnett Glaubmann spent many a sleepless night in contemplation of +disputed brokerage claims by Kamin, Stout and Ortelsburg. Moreover, the +knowledge that Henry D. Feldman represented the purchaser was an +influence far from sedative; and what little sleep Glaubmann secured was +filled with nightmares of fence encroachments, defects in the legal +proceedings for opening of Linden Boulevard as a public highway, and a +score of other technical objections that Feldman might raise to free +Elkan from his contract. + +Not once, however, did Glaubmann consider the tenancy of Max Kovner as +any objection to title. Indeed, he was so certain of Kovner's +willingness to move out that he even pondered the advisability of +gouging Max for twenty-five or fifty dollars as a consideration for +accepting a surrender of the verbal lease; and to that end he avoided +the Linden Boulevard house until the morning before the date set for the +closing of the title. + +Then, having observed Max board the eight-five train for Brooklyn +Bridge, he sauntered off to interview Mrs. Kovner; and as he turned the +corner of Linden Boulevard he sketched out a plan of action that had for +its foundation the complete intimidation of Mrs. Kovner. This being +secured, he would proceed to suggest the payment of fifty dollars as the +alternative of strong measures against Max Kovner for allowing the +Linden Boulevard premises to fall into such bad repair; and he was so +full of his idea that he had begun to ascend the front stoop of the +Kovner house before he noticed the odour of fresh paint. + +Never in the history of the Kovner house had the electric bell been in +working order. Hence Glaubmann knocked with his naked fist and left the +imprint of his four knuckles on the wet varnish just as Mrs. Kovner +flung wide the door. It was at this instant that Glaubmann's well-laid +plans were swept away. + +"Now see what you done, you dirty slob you!" she bellowed. "What's the +matter with you? Couldn't you ring the bell?" + +"Why, Mrs. Kovner," Glaubmann stammered, "the bell don't ring at all. +Ain't it?" + +"The bell don't ring?" Mrs. Kovner exclaimed. "Who says it don't?" + +She pressed the button with her finger and a shrill response came from +within. + +"Who fixed it?" Glaubmann asked. + +"Who fixed it?" Mrs. Kovner repeated. "Who do you suppose fixed it? +Do you think we got from charity to fix it? _Gott sei Dank_, we +ain't exactly beggars, Mr. Glaubmann. Ourselves we fixed it, Mr. +Glaubmann--and the painting and the plumbing also; because if you +would got in savings bank what I got it, Mr. Glaubmann, you wouldn't +make us so much trouble about paying for a couple hundred dollars' +repairs." + +"_Aber_," Glaubmann began, "you shouldn't of done it!" + +"I know we shouldn't," Mrs. Kovner replied. "We should of stayed here +the rest of the year with the place looking like a pigsty already! +_Aber_ don't kick till you got to, Mr. Glaubmann. It would be time +enough to say something when we sue you by the court yet that you should +pay for the repairs we are making here." + +Glaubmann pushed his hat back from his forehead and wiped his streaming +brow. + +"_Nu_, Mrs. Kovner," he said at last, "it seems to me we got a +misunderstanding all round here. I would like to talk the matter over +with you." + +With this conciliatory prelude he assumed an easy attitude by crossing +his legs and supporting himself with one hand on the freshly painted +doorjamb, whereat Mrs. Kovner uttered a horrified shriek, and the rage +which three weeks of housepainters' clutter had fomented in her bosom +burst forth unchecked. + +"Out from here, you dirty loafer you!" she shrieked, and grabbed a +calcimining brush from one of the many paintpots that bestrewed the +hallway. Glaubmann bounded down the front stoop to the sidewalk just +as Mrs. Kovner made a frenzied pass at him with the brush; and +consequently, when he entered Kent J. Goldstein's office on Nassau +Street an hour later, his black overcoat was speckled like the hide of +an axis deer. + +"Goldstein," he said hoarsely, "is it assault that some one paints you +from head to foot with calcimine?" + +"It is if you got witnesses," Goldstein replied; "otherwise it's +misfortune. Who did it?" + +"That she-devil--the wife of the tenant in that house I sold Lubliner," +Glaubmann replied. "I think we're going to have trouble with them +people, Goldstein." + +"You will if you try to sue 'em without witnesses, Glaubmann," Goldstein +observed; "because suing without witnesses is like trying to play +pinocle without cards. It can't be done." + +Glaubmann shook his head sadly. + +"I ain't going to sue 'em," he said. "I ain't so fond of lawsuits like +all that; and, besides, a little calcimine is nothing, Goldstein, to +what them people can do to me. They're going to claim they got there a +year's verbal lease." + +Goldstein shrugged his shoulders. + +"That's all right," he commented. "They want to gouge you for fifty +dollars or so; and, with the price you're getting for the house, +Glaubmann, you can afford to pay 'em." + +"Gouge nothing!" Glaubmann declared. "They just got done there a couple +hundred dollars' painting and plumbing, y'understand, and they're going +to stick it out." + +Goldstein pursed his lips in an ominous whistle. + +"A verbal lease, hey?" he muttered. + +Glaubmann nodded sadly. + +"And this time there is witnesses," he said; and he related to his +attorney the circumstances under which the original lease was made, +together with the incident attending Kovner's visit to Ortelsburg's +house. + +"It looks like you're up against it, Glaubmann," Goldstein declared. + +"But couldn't I claim that I was only bluffing the feller?" Glaubmann +asked. + +"Sure you could," Goldstein replied; "but when Kovner went to work and +painted the house and fixed the plumbing he called your bluff, +Glaubmann; so the only thing to do is to ask for an adjournment +to-morrow." + +"And suppose they won't give it to us?" Glaubmann asked. + +Goldstein shrugged his shoulders. + +"I'm a lawyer, Glaubmann--not a prophet," he said; "but if I know Henry +D. Feldman you won't get any adjournment--so you may as well make your +plans accordingly." + +For a brief interval Glaubmann nodded his head slowly, and then he burst +into a mirthless laugh. + +"Real estate," he said, "that's something to own. Rheumatism is a fine +asset compared to it; in fact if some one gives me my choice, Goldstein, +I would say rheumatism every time. Both of 'em keep you awake nights; +but there's one thing about rheumatism, Goldstein"--here he indulged in +another bitter laugh--"you don't need a lawyer to get rid of it!" he +said, and banged the door behind him. + + * * * * * + +If there was any branch of legal practice in which Henry D. Feldman +excelled it was conveyancing, and he brought to it all the histrionic +ability that made him so formidable as a trial lawyer. Indeed, Feldman +was accustomed to treat the conveyancing department of his office as a +business-getter for the more lucrative field of litigation, and he +spared no pains to make each closing of title an impressive and dramatic +spectacle. + +Thus the _mise-en-scene_ of the Lubliner closing was excellent. Feldman +himself sat in a baronial chair at the head of his library table, while +to a seat on his right he had assigned Kent J. Goldstein. On his left +he had placed Mr. Jones, the representative of the title company, a +gaunt, sandy-haired man of thirty-five who, by the device of a pair of +huge horn spectacles, had failed to distract public attention from an +utterly stupendous Adam's apple. + +Next to the title company's representative were placed Elkan Lubliner +and his partners, and it was to them that Henry D. Feldman addressed his +opening remarks. + +"Mr. Lubliner," he said in the soft accents in which he began all his +crescendos, "the examination of the record title to Mr. Glaubmann's +Linden Boulevard premises has been made at my request by the Law Title +Insurance and Guaranty Company." + +He made a graceful obeisance toward Mr. Jones, who acknowledged it with +a convulsion of his Adam's apple. + +"I have also procured a survey to be made," Feldman continued; and, amid +a silence that was broken only by the heavy breathing of Barnett +Glaubmann, he held up an intricate design washed with watercolour on +glazed muslin. + +"Finally I have done this," he declared, and his brows gathered in a +tragic frown as his glance swept in turn the faces of Kent J. Goldstein, +Benno Ortelsburg, J. Kamin, and Glaubmann--"I have procured an +inspector's report upon the occupation of the _locus in quo_." + +"Oo-ee!" Glaubmann murmured, and Louis Stout exchanged triumphant +glances with Polatkin and Scheikowitz. + +"And I find," Feldman concluded, "there is a tenant in possession, +claiming under a year's lease which will not expire until October first +next." + +Mr. Jones nodded and cleared his throat so noisily that, to relieve his +embarrassment, he felt obliged to crack each of his knuckles in turn. As +for Ribnik and Tarnowitz, they sat awestruck in the rear of Feldman's +spacious library and felt vaguely that they were in a place of worship. +Only Kent J. Goldstein remained unimpressed; and in order to show it he +scratched a parlour match on the leg of Feldman's library table; whereat +Feldman's _ex-cathedra_ manner forsook him. + +"Where in blazes do you think you are, Goldstein?" he asked in +colloquial tones--"in a barroom?" + +"If it's solid mahogany," Goldstein retorted, "it'll rub up like new. I +think you were talking about the tenancy of the premises here." + +Feldman choked down his indignation and once more became the dignified +advocate. + +"That is not the only objection to title, Mr. Goldstein," he said. "Mr. +Jones, kindly read the detailed objections contained in your report of +closing." + +Mr. Jones nodded again and responded to Feldman's demand in a voice +that profoundly justified the size of his larynx. + +"Description in deed dated January 1, 1783," he began, "from Joost van +Gend to William Wauters, is defective; one course reading 'thence along +said ditch north to a white-oak tree' should be 'south to a white-oak +tree.'" + +"Well, what's the difference?" Goldstein interrupted. "It's monumented +by the white-oak tree." + +"That was cut down long ago," Mr. Jones said. + +"Not by me!" Glaubmann declared. "I give you my word, gentlemen, the +trees on the lot is the same like I bought it." + +Feldman allowed his eyes to rest for a moment on the protesting +Glaubmann, who literally crumpled in his chair. + +"Proceed, Mr. Jones," Feldman said to the title company's +representative, who continued without further interruption to the end of +his list. This included all the technical objections which Glaubmann had +feared, as well as a novel and interesting point concerning a partition +suit in Chancery, brought in 1819, and affecting Glaubmann's chain of +title to a strip in the rear of his lot, measuring one quarter of an +inch in breadth by seven feet in length. + +"So far as I can see, Feldman," Goldstein commented as Mr. Jones laid +down his report, "the only objection that will hold water is the one +concerning Max Kovner's tenancy. As a matter of fact, I have witnesses +to show that Kovner has always claimed that he didn't hold a lease." + +For answer, Feldman touched the button of an electric bell. + +"Show in Mr. and Mrs. Kovner," he said to the boy who responded. "We'll +let them speak for themselves." + +This, it would appear, they were more than willing to do; for as soon as +they entered the room and caught sight of Glaubmann, who by this time +was fairly cowering in his chair, they immediately began a concerted +tirade that was only ended when Goldstein banged vigorously on the +library table, using as a gavel one of Feldman's metal-tipped rulers. + +"That'll do, Goldstein!" Feldman said hoarsely. "I think I can preserve +order in my own office." + +"Why don't you then?" Goldstein retorted, as he leaned back in his chair +and regarded with a malicious smile the damage he had wrought. + +"Yes, Mr. Glaubmann," Kovner began anew, "you thought you got us +helpless there in your house; but----" + +"Shut up!" Feldman roared again, forgetting his role of the polished +advocate; and Goldstein fairly beamed with satisfaction. + +"Don't bully your own witness," he said. "Let me do it for you." + +He turned to Kovner with a beetling frown. + +"Now, Kovner," he commenced, "you claim you've got a verbal lease for a +year of this Linden Boulevard house, don't you?" + +"I sure do," Kovner replied, "and I got witnesses to prove it." + +"That's all right," Goldstein rejoined; "so long as there's Bibles +there'll always be witnesses to swear on 'em. The point is: How do you +claim the lease was made?" + +"I don't claim nothing," Kovner replied. "I got a year's lease on that +property because, in the presence of my wife and his wife, Mr. +Goldstein, he says to me I must either take the house for a year from +last October to next October or I couldn't take it at all." + +Feldman smiled loftily at his opponent. + +"The art of cross-examination is a subtle one, Goldstein," he said, "and +if you don't understand it you're apt to prove the other fellow's case." + +"Nevertheless," Goldstein continued, "I'm going to ask him one more +question, and that is this: When was this verbal agreement made--before +or after you moved into the house?" + +"Before I moved in, certainly," Kovner answered. "I told you that he +says to me I couldn't move in unless I would agree to take the place for +a year." + +"And when did you move in?" Goldstein continued. + +"On the first of October," Kovner said. + +"No, popper," Mrs. Kovner interrupted; "we didn't move in on the first. +We moved in the day before." + +"That's right," Kovner said--"we moved in on the thirtieth of +September." + +"So," Goldstein declared, "you made a verbal agreement before September +thirtieth for a lease of one year from October first?" + +Kovner nodded and Goldstein turned to Henry D. Feldman, whose lofty +smile had completely disappeared. + +"Well, Feldman," he said, "you pulled a couple of objections on me from +'way back in the last century, understand me; so I guess it won't hurt +if I remind you of a little statute passed in the reign of Charles the +Second, which says: 'All contracts which by their terms are not to be +performed within one year must be in writing and signed by the party to +be charged.' I mean the Statute of Frauds." + +"I know what you mean all right," Feldman replied; "but you'll have to +prove that before a court and jury. Just now we are confronted with +Kovner, who claims to have a year's lease; and my client is relieved +from his purchase in the circumstances. No man is bound to buy a +lawsuit, Goldstein." + +"I know he ain't," Goldstein retorted; "but what's the difference, +Feldman? He'll have a lawsuit on his hands, anyhow, because if he don't +take title now, understand me, I'll bring an action to compel him to do +so this very afternoon." + +At this juncture a faint croaking came from the vicinity of Louis Stout, +who throughout had been as appreciative a listener as though he were +occupying an orchestra chair and had bought his seat from a speculator. + +"Speak up, Mr. Stout!" Feldman cried. + +"I was saying," Louis replied faintly, "that with my own ears I heard +Glaubmann say to Kovner that he's got a verbal lease for one year." + +"And when was this?" Feldman asked. + +"About three weeks ago," Stout replied. + +"Then, in that case, Mr. Goldstein," Feldman declared, "let me present +to you another proposition of law." + +He paused to formulate a sufficiently impressive "offer" as the lawyers +say, and in the silence that followed Elkan shuffled to his feet. + +"It ain't necessary, Mr. Feldman," he said. "I already made up my mind +about it." + +"About what?" Louis Stout exclaimed. + +"About taking the house," Elkan replied. "If you'll let me have the +figures, Mr. Feldman, I'll draw a check and have it certified and we'll +close this thing up." + +"_Aber_, Elkan," Louis cried, "first let me communicate with Flugel." + +"That ain't necessary neither," Elkan retorted. "I'm going to make an +end right here and now; and you should be so good, Mr. Feldman, and fix +me up the statement of what I owe here. I want to get through." + +Polatkin rose shakily to his feet. + +"What's the matter, Elkan?" he said huskily. "Are you crazy, _oder_ +what?" + +"Sit down, Mr. Polatkin," Elkan commanded, and there was a ring of +authority in his tone that made Polatkin collapse into his chair. "I am +buying this house." + +"But, Elkan," Louis Stout implored, "why don't you let me talk to Flugel +over the 'phone? Might he would got a suggestion to make maybe." + +"That's all right," Elkan said. "The only suggestion he makes is that if +I go to work and close this contract, y'understand, he would never buy +another dollar's worth of goods from us so long as he lives. So you +shouldn't bother to ring him up, Mr. Stout." + +Louis Stout flushed angrily. + +"So far as that goes, Lubliner," he says, "I don't got to ring up Mr. +Flugel to tell you the same thing, so you know what you could do." + +"Sure I know what I could do," Elkan continued. "I could either do +business like a business man or do business like a muzhik, Mr. Stout. +_Aber_ this ain't _Russland_, Mr. Stout--this is America; and if I got +to run round wiping people's shoes to sell goods, then I don't want to +do it at all." + +J. Kamin took a cigar out of his mouth and spat vigorously. + +"You're dead right, Elkan," he said. "Go ahead and close the contract +and I assure you you wouldn't regret it." + +Elkan's eyes blazed and he turned on Kamin. + +"You assure me!" he said. "Who in thunder are you? Do you think I'm +looking for your business now, Kamin? Why, if you was worth your salt as +a merchant, understand me, instead you would be fooling away your time +trying to make a share of a commission, which the most you would get out +of it is a hundred dollars, y'understand, you would be attending to your +business buying your spring line. You are wasting two whole days on this +deal, Kamin; and if two business days out of your spring buying is only +worth a hundred dollars to you, Kamin, go ahead and get your goods +somewheres else than in our store. I don't need to be Dun or Bradstreet +to get a line on you, Kamin--and don't you forget it!" + +At this juncture a faint cough localized Joel Ribnik, who had remained +with Julius Tarnowitz in the obscurity cast by several bound volumes of +digests and reports. + +"Seemingly, Mr. Polatkin," he said, "you are a millionaire concern, the +way your partner talks! Might you don't need our business, neither, +maybe?" + +Polatkin was busy checking the ravages made upon his linen by the +perspiration that literally streamed down his face and neck; but +Scheikowitz, who had listened open-mouthed to Elkan's pronunciamento, +straightened up in his chair and his face grew set with determination. + +"We ain't millionaires, Mr. Ribnik," he said--"far from it; and we ain't +never going to be, understand me, if we got to buy eighteen-thousand +dollar houses for every bill of goods we sell to _Schnorrers_ and +deadbeats!" + +"Scheikowitz!" Polatkin pleaded. + +"Never mind, Polatkin," Scheikowitz declared. "The boy is right, +Polatkin; and if we are making our living in America we got to act like +Americans--not peasants. So, go ahead, Stout. Telephone Flugel and tell +him from me that if he wants to take it that way he should do so; and +you, too, Stout--and that's all there is to it!" + +"Then I apprehend, gentlemen, that we had better proceed to close," +Feldman said; and Elkan nodded, for as Scheikowitz finished speaking a +ball had risen in Elkan's throat which, blink as he might, he could not +down for some minutes. + +"All right, Goldstein," Feldman continued. "Let's fix up the statement +of closing." + +"One moment, gentlemen," Max Kovner said. "Do I understand that, if +Elkan Lubliner buys the house to-day, we've got to move out?" + +Feldman raised his eyebrows. + +"I think Mr. Goldstein will agree with me, Kovner, when I say you +haven't a leg to stand on," he declared. "You're completely out of court +on your own testimony." + +"You mean we ain't got a lease for a year?" Mrs. Kovner asked. + +"That's right," Goldstein replied. + +"And I am working my fingers to the bone getting rid of them +_verfluchte_ painters and all!" she wailed. "What do you think I am +anyway?" + +"Well, if you don't want to move right away," Elkan began, "when would +it be convenient for you to get out, Mrs. Kovner?" + +"I don't want to get out at all," she whimpered. "Why should I want to +get out? The house is an elegant house, which I just planted yesterday +string beans and tomatoes; and the parlor looks elegant now we got the +old paper off." + +"Supposing we say the first of May," Elkan suggested--"not that I am so +crazy to move out to Burgess Park, y'understand; but I don't see what is +the sense buying a house in the country and then not living in it." + +There was a brief silence, broken only by the soft weeping of Mrs. +Kovner; and at length Max Kovner shrugged his shoulders. + +"_Nu_, Elkan," he said, "what is the use beating bushes round? Mrs. +Kovner is stuck on the house and so am I. So long as you don't want the +house, and there's been so much trouble about it and all, I tell you +what I'll do: Take back two thousand dollars a second mortgage on the +house, payable in one year at six per cent., which it is so good as +gold, understand me, and I'll relieve you of your contract and give you +two hundred dollars to boot." + +A smile spread slowly over Elkan's face as he looked significantly at +Louis Stout. + +"I don't want your two hundred dollars, Max," he said. "You can have the +house and welcome; and you should use the two hundred to pay your +painting and plumbing bills." + +"That's all right," Louis Stout said; "there is people which will see to +it that he does. Also, gentlemen, I want everybody to understand that I +claim full commission here from Glaubmann as the only broker in the +transaction!" + +"_Nu_, gentlemen," Glaubmann said; "I'll leave this to the lawyers if it +ain't so: From one transaction I can only be liable for one +commission--ain't it?" + +Feldman and Goldstein nodded in unison. + +"Then all I could say is that yous brokers and drygoods merchants should +fight it out between yourselves," he declared; "because I'm going to +pay the money for the commission into court--and them which is entitled +to it can have it." + +"But ain't you going to protect me, Glaubmann?" Ortelsburg demanded. + +Glaubmann raised his hand for silence. + +"One moment, Ortelsburg," he said. "I think it was you and Kamin told me +that real estate is a game the same like auction pinocle?" + +Ortelsburg nodded sulkily. + +"Then you fellers should go ahead and play it," Glaubmann concluded. +"And might the best man win!"[B] + +[Footnote B: In the face of numerous decisions to the contrary, the +author holds for the purposes of this story that a verbal lease for one +year, to commence in the future, is void.] + + + + +CHAPTER SIX + +A TALE OF TWO JACOBEAN CHAIRS + +NOT A DETECTIVE STORY + + +"Yes, Mr. Lubliner," said Max Merech as he sat in the front parlour of +Elkan's flat one April Sunday; "if you are going to work to buy +furniture, understand me, it's just so easy to select good-looking +chairs as bad-looking chairs." + +"_Aber_ sometimes it's a whole lot harder to sit on 'em comfortably," +Elkan retorted sourly. On the eve of moving to a larger apartment he and +Yetta had invited Max to suggest a plan for furnishing and decorating +their new dwelling; and it seemed to Elkan that Max had taken undue +advantage of the privilege thus accorded him. Indeed, Polatkin, +Scheikowitz & Company's aesthetic designer held such pronounced views on +interior decoration, and had expressed them so freely to Elkan and +Yetta, that after the first half-hour of his visit the esteem which they +had always felt toward their plush furniture and Wilton rugs had +changed--first to indifference and then, in the case of Yetta, at least, +to loathing. + +"I always told you that the couch over there was hideous, Elkan," Yetta +said. + +"Hideous it ain't," Max interrupted; "_aber_ it ain't so beautiful." + +"Well, stick the couch in the bedroom, then," Elkan said. "It makes no +difference to me." + +"Sure, I know," Yetta exclaimed: "but what would we put in its place?" + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders. + +"What d'ye ask me for?" Elkan cried. "Like as not I'd say another +couch." + +"There is couches and couches," Max said with an apologetic smile, "but +if you would ask my advice I would say why not a couple nice chairs +there--something in monhogany, like Shippendaler _oder_ Sheratin." + +Suddenly he slapped his thigh in an access of inspiration. + +"I came pretty near forgetting!" he cried. "I got the very thing you +want--and a big bargain too! Do you know Louis Dishkes, which runs the +Villy dee Paris Store in Amsterdam Avenue?" + +"I think I know him," Elkan said with ironic emphasis. "He owes us four +hundred dollars for two months already." + +"Well, Dishkes is got a brother-in-law by the name Ringentaub, on Allen +Street, which he is a dealer in antics." + +"Antics?" Elkan exclaimed. + +"Sure!" Max explained. "Antics--old furniture and old silver." + +"You mean a second-hand store?" Elkan suggested. + +"Not a second-hand store," Max declared. "A second-hand store is got old +furniture from two years old _oder_ ten years old, understand me; _aber_ +an antic store carries old furniture from a hundred years old already." + +"And this here Ringentaub is got furniture from a hundred years old +already?" Elkan cried. + +"From older even," answered Max; "from two hundred and fifty years old +also." + +"_Ich glaub's!_" Elkan cried. + +"You can believe it _oder_ not, Mr. Lubliner," Max continued; "but +Ringentaub got in his store a couple Jacobean chairs, which they are two +hundred and fifty years old already. And them chairs you could buy at a +big sacrifice yet." + +Elkan and Yetta exchanged puzzled glances, and Elkan even tapped his +forehead significantly. + +"They was part of a whole set," Max went on, not noticing his employer's +gesture; "the others Ringentaub sold to a collector." + +Elkan flipped his right hand. + +"A collector is something else again," he said; "but me I ain't no +collector, Max, _Gott sei Dank_! I got my own business, Max, and I ain't +got to buy from two hundred and fifty years old furniture." + +"Why not?" Max asked. "B. Gans is got his own business, too, Mr. Lubliner, +and a good business also; and he buys yet from Ringentaub--only last +week already--an angry cat cabinet which it is three hundred years old +already." + +"An angry cat cabinet?" Elkan exclaimed. + +"That's what I said," Max continued; "'angry' is French for 'Henry' and +'cat' is French for 'fourth'; so this here cabinet was made three +hundred years ago when Henry the Fourth was king of France--and B. Gans +buys it last week already for five hundred dollars!" + +Therewith Max commenced a half-hour dissertation upon antique furniture +which left Yetta and Elkan more undecided than ever. + +"And you are telling me that big people like B. Gans and Andrew Carnegie +buys this here antics for their houses?" Elkan asked. + +"J. P. Morgan also," Max replied. "And them Jacobean chairs there you +could get for fifty dollars already." + +"Well, it wouldn't do no harm supposing we would go down and see 'em," +Yetta suggested. + +"Some night next week," Elkan added, "_oder_ the week after." + +"For that matter, we could go to-night too," Max rejoined. "Sunday is +like any other night down on Allen Street, and you got to remember that +Jacobean chairs is something which you couldn't get whenever you want +'em. Let me tell you just what they look like." + +Here he descanted so successfully on the beauty of Jacobean furniture +that Yetta added her persuasion to his, and Elkan at length surrendered. + +"All right," he said. "First we would have a little something to eat and +then we would go down there." + +Hence, a few minutes after eight that evening they alighted at the +Spring Street subway station; and Max Merech piloted Elkan and Yetta +beneath elevated railroads and past the windows of brass shops, with +their gleaming show of candlesticks and samovars, to a little basement +store near the corner of Rivington Street. + +"It don't look like much," Max apologized as he descended the few steps +leading to the entrance; "_aber_ he's got an elegant stock inside." + +When he opened the door a trigger affixed to the door knocked against a +rusty bell, but no one responded. Instead, from behind a partition in +the rear came sounds of an angry dispute; and as Elkan closed the door +behind him one of the voices rose higher than the rest. + +"Take my life--take my blood, Mr. Sammet!" it said; "because I am making +you the best proposition I can, and that's all there is to it." + +Max was about to stamp his foot when Elkan laid a restraining hand on +his shoulder; and, in the pause that followed, the heavy, almost +hysterical breathing of the last speaker could be heard in the front of +the store. + +"I don't want your life _oder_ your blood, Dishkes," came the answer in +bass tones, which Elkan recognized as the voice of his competitor, Leon +Sammet. "I am your heaviest creditor, and all I want is that you should +protect me." + +"I know you are my heaviest creditor," Louis Dishkes replied. "To my +sorrow I know it! If it wouldn't be for your rotten stickers which I got +in my place, might I would be doing a good business there to-day, +maybe!" + +"_Schmooes_, Dishkes!" Sammet replied. "The reason you didn't done a +good business there is that you ain't no business man, Dishkes--and +anyhow, Dishkes, it don't do no good you should insult me!" + +"What d'ye mean insult you?" Dishkes cried angrily. "I ain't insulting +you, Sammet. You are insulting me. You want me I should protect you and +let my other creditors go to the devil--ain't it? What d'ye take me +for--a crook?" + +"That's all right," Sammet declared. "I wouldn't dandy words with you, +Dishkes. For the last time I am asking you: Will you take advantage of +the offer I am getting for you from the Mercantile Outlet Company, of +Nashville, for your entire stock? Otherwise I would got nothing more to +say to you." + +There was a sound of scuffling feet as the party in the rear of the +store rose from their chairs. + +"You ain't got no need to say nothing more to me, Mr. Sammet," Dishkes +announced firmly, "because I am through with you, Mr. Sammet. Your +account ain't due till to-morrow, and you couldn't do nothing till +Tuesday. Ain't it? So Tuesday morning early you should go ahead and sue +me, and if I couldn't raise money to save myself I will go _mechullah_; +but it'll be an honest _mechullah_, and that's all there is to it." + +As Dishkes finished speaking Elkan drew Max and Yetta into the shadow +cast by a tall highboy; and, without noticing their presence, Leon +Sammet plunged toward the door and let himself out into the street. + +Immediately Elkan tiptoed to the door and threw it wide open, after +which he shuffled his feet with sufficient noise to account for the +entrance of three people. Thereat Ringentaub emerged from behind the +partition. + +"Hello, Ringentaub," Max cried. "I am bringing you here some customers." + +Ringentaub bowed and coughed a warning to Dishkes and Mrs. Ringentaub, +who continued to talk in hoarse whispers behind the partition. + +"What's the matter, Ringentaub?" Max Merech asked; "couldn't you afford +it here somehow a little light?" + +Ringentaub reached into the upper darkness and turned on a gas jet which +had been burning a blue point of flame. + +"I keep it without light here on purpose," he said, "on account Sundays +is a big night for the candlestick fakers up the street and I don't want +to be bothered with their trade. What could I show your friends, Mr. +Merech?" + +Max winked almost imperceptibly at Elkan and prepared to approach the +subject of the Jacobean chairs by a judicious detour. + +"Do you got maybe a couple Florentine frames, Ringentaub?" he asked; and +Ringentaub shook his head. + +"Florentine frames is hard to find nowadays, Mr. Merech," he said; "and +I guess I told it you Friday that I ain't got none." + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders and smiled. + +"I thought might you would of picked up a couple since then, maybe," Max +rejoined, glancing round him. "You got a pretty nice highboy over there, +Ringentaub, for a reproduction." + +Ringentaub nodded satirically. + +"That only goes to show how much you know about such things, Mr. +Merech," he retorted, "when you are calling reproductions something +which it is a gen-wine Shippendaler, understand me, in elegant +condition." + +It was now Elkan's turn to nod, and he did so with just the right +degree of skepticism as at last he broached the object of his visit. + +"I suppose," he said, "that them chairs over there is also gen-wine +Jacobean chairs?" + + * * * * * + +"I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Mr. Merech," Ringentaub declared. +"You could bring down here any of them good Fourth Avenue or Fifth +Avenue dealers, understand me, or any conoozer you want to name, like +Jacob Paul, _oder_ anybody, y'understand; and if they would say them +chairs ain't gen-wine Jacobean I'll make 'em a present to you free for +nothing." + +"I ain't _schnorring_ for no presents, Mr. Ringentaub," Max declared. +"Bring 'em out in the light and let's give a look at 'em." + +Ringentaub drew the chairs into the centre of the floor, and placing +them beneath the gas jet he stepped backward and tilted his head to one +side in silent admiration. + +"_Nu_, Mr. Merech," he said at last, "am I right or am I wrong? Is the +chairs gen-wine _oder_ not? I leave it to your friends here." + +Max turned to Elkan, who had been edging away toward the partition, from +which came scraps of conversation between Dishkes and Mrs. Ringentaub. + +"What do you think, Mr. Lubliner?" Max asked; and Elkan frowned his +annoyance at the interruption, for he had just begun to catch a few +words of the conversation in the rear room. + +"Sure--sure!" he said absently. "I leave it to you and Mrs. Lubliner." + +Yetta's face had fallen as she viewed the apparently decayed and rickety +furniture. + +"Ain't they terrible shabby-looking!" she murmured, and Ringentaub +shrugged his shoulders and smiled. + +"You would look shabby, too, lady," he said, "if you would be two +hundred and fifty years old; _aber_ if you want to see what they look +like after they are restored, y'understand, I got back there one of the +rest of the set which I already sold to Mr. Paul; and I am fixing it up +for him." + +As he finished speaking he walked to the rear and dragged forward a +reseated and polished duplicate of the two chairs. + +"I dassent restore 'em before I sell 'em," Ringentaub explained; +"otherwise no one believes they are gen-wine." + +"And how much do you say you want for them chairs, Ringentaub?" Max +asked. + +"I didn't say I wanted nothing," Ringentaub replied. "The fact is, I +don't know whether I want to keep them chairs _oder_ not. You see, Mr. +Merech, Jacobean chairs is pretty near so rare nowadays that it would +pay me to wait a while. In a couple of years them chairs double in value +already." + +"Sure, I know," Max said. "You could say the same thing about your whole +stock, Ringentaub; and so, if I would be you, Ringentaub, I would take a +little vacation of a couple years or so. Go round the world _mit_ Mrs. +Ringentaub, understand me, and by the time you come back you are worth +twicet as much as you got to-day; but just to help pay your rent while +you are away, Mr. Ringentaub, I'll make you an offer of thirty-five +dollars for the chairs." + +Ringentaub seized a chair in each hand and dragged them noisily to one +side. + +"As I was saying," he announced, "I ain't got no Florentine frames, Mr. +Merech; so I am sorry we couldn't do no business." + +"Well, then, thirty-seven-fifty, Mr. Ringentaub," Max continued; and +Ringentaub made a flapping gesture with both hands. + +"Say, lookyhere," he growled, "what is the use talking nonsense, +Mr. Merech? For ten dollars apiece you could get on Twenty-third +Street a couple chairs, understand me, made in some big factory, +y'understand--A-Number-One pieces of furniture--which would suit you +a whole lot better as gen-wine pieces. These here chairs is for +conoozers, Mr. Merech; so, if you want any shiny candlesticks _oder_ +Moskva samovars from brass-spinners on Center Street, y'understand, a +couple doors uptown you would find plenty fakers. _Aber_ here is all +gen-wine stuff, y'understand; and for gen-wine stuff you got to pay +full price, understand me, which if them chairs stays in my store +till they are five hundred years old already I wouldn't take a cent +less for 'em as fifty dollars." + +Max turned inquiringly to Mrs. Lubliner; and, during the short pause +that followed, the agonized voice of Louis Dishkes came once more from +the back room. + +"What could I do?" he said to Mrs. Ringentaub. "I want to be square +_mit_ everybody, and I must got to act quick on account that sucker +Sammet will close me up sure." + +"_Ai, tzuris!_" Mrs. Ringentaub moaned; at which her husband coughed +noisily and Elkan moved nearer to the partition. + +"Would you go as high as fifty dollars, Mrs. Lubliner?" Max asked, and +Yetta nodded. + +"All right, Mr. Ringentaub," Max concluded; "we'll take 'em at fifty +dollars." + +"And you wouldn't regret it neither," Ringentaub replied. "I'll make you +out a bill right away." + +He darted into the rear room and slammed the partition door behind him. + +"_Koosh_, Dishkes!" he hissed. "Ain't you got no sense at all--blabbing +out your business in front of all them strangers?" + +It was at this juncture that Elkan rapped on the door. + +"Excuse me, Mr. Ringentaub," he said, "but I ain't no stranger to Mr. +Dishkes--not by four hundred dollars already." + +He opened the door as he spoke, and Dishkes, who was sitting at a table +with his head bowed on his hands, looked up mournfully. + +"_Nu_, Mr. Lubliner!" he said. "You are after me, too, ain't it?" + +Elkan shook his head. + +"Not only I ain't after you, Dishkes," he said, "but I didn't even know +you was in trouble until just now." + +"And you never would of known," Ringentaub added, "if he ain't been such +a _dummer Ochs_ and listened to people's advice. He got a good chance to +sell out, and he wouldn't took it." + +"Sure, I know," Elkan said, "to an auction house; the idee being to run +away _mit_ the proceeds and leave his creditors in the lurches!" + +Dishkes again buried his head in his hands, while Ringentaub blushed +guiltily. + +"That may be all right in the antic business, Mr. Ringentaub," Elkan +went on, "but in the garment business we ain't two hundred and fifty +years behind the times exactly. We got associations of manufacturers and +we got good lawyers, too, understand me; and we get right after crooks +like Sammet, just the same as some of us helps out retailers that want +to be decent, like Dishkes here." + +Louis Dishkes raised his head suddenly. + +"Then you heard the whole thing?" he cried; and Elkan nodded. + +"I heard enough, Dishkes," he said; "and if you want my help you could +come down to my place to-morrow morning at ten o'clock." + +At this juncture the triggered bell rang loudly, and raising his hand +for silence Ringentaub returned to the store. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Paul!" he said. + +He addressed a broad-shouldered figure arrayed in the height of Canal +Street fashion. + +Aside from his clothing, however, there was little to betray the +connoisseur of fine arts and antiques in the person of Jacob Paul, who +possessed the brisk, businesslike manner and steel-blue eyes of a +detective sergeant. + +"Hello, Ringentaub!" he said. "You are doing a rushing business +here--ain't it? More customers in the back room too?" + +He glanced sharply at the open doorway in the partition, through which +Elkan and Dishkes could be seen engaged in earnest conversation. + +"_Yow_--customers!" Ringentaub exclaimed. "You know how it is in the +antic business, Mr. Paul. For a hundred that looks, understand me, one +buys; and that one, Mr. Paul, he comes into your place a dozen times +before he makes up his mind yet." + +"Well," Paul said with a smile, "I've made up my mind at last, +Ringentaub, and I'll take them other two chairs at forty-five dollars." + +Ringentaub nodded his head slowly. + +"I thought you would, Mr. Paul," he said; "but just the same you are a +little late, on account this here gentleman already bought 'em for fifty +dollars." + +A shade of disappointment passed over Paul's face as he turned to Max +Merech. + +"I congratulate you, Mister----" + +"Merech," Max suggested. + +"Merech," Paul continued. "You paid a high price for a couple of good +pieces." + +"I ain't paying nothing," Max replied. "I bought 'em for this lady here +and her husband." + +It was then that Jacob Paul for the first time noticed Yetta's presence, +and he bowed apologetically. + +"Is he also a collector?" he asked, and Max shook his head. + +"He's in the garment business," Yetta volunteered, "for himself." + +A puzzled expression wrinkled Paul's flat nose. + +"I guess I ain't caught the name," he said. + +"Lubliner," Yetta replied; "Elkan Lubliner, of Polatkin, Scheikowitz & +Company." + +"You don't tell me?" Jacob Paul said. "And so Mr. Lubliner is interested +in antiques. That's quite a jump, from cloaks and suits to antiques +already." + +"Well," Merech explained, "Mr. Lubliner is refurnishing his house." + +"Maybe," Elkan added as he appeared in the doorway of the partition, +followed by Dishkes and Mrs. Ringentaub. "Buying a couple pieces of +furniture is one thing, Merech, and refurnishing your house is another." + +"You made a good start anyhow," Paul interrupted. "A couple chairs like +them gives a tone to a room which is got crayon portraits hanging in it +even." + +Yetta blushed in the consciousness of what she had always considered to +be a fine likeness of Elkan's grandfather--the Lubliner _Rav_--which +hung in a silver-and-plush frame over the mantelpiece of the Lubliner +front parlour. Elkan was unashamed, however, and he glared angrily at +the connoisseur, who had started to leave the store. + +"I suppose," he cried, "it ain't up to date that a feller should +have hanging in his flat a portrait of his grandfather--_olav +hasholem!_--which he was a learned man and a _Tzadek_, if there ever +was one." + +Paul hesitated, with his hand on the doorknob. + +"I'll tell you, Mr. Lubliner," he said solemnly; "to me a crayon +portrait is rotten, understand me, if it would be of a _Tzadek oder_ a +murderer." + +And with a final bow to Mrs. Lubliner he banged the door behind him. + +"Well, what d'ye think for a _Rosher_ like that?" Elkan exclaimed. + +"The fellow is disappointed that you got ahead of him buying the chairs, +Mr. Lubliner," Ringentaub explained; "so he takes a chance that you and +Mrs. Lubliner is that kind of people which is got hanging in the parlour +crayon portraits, understand me, and he knocks you for it." + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders. + +"What could you expect from a feller which is content at fifty years of +age to be a collector only?" he asked, and Dishkes nodded +sympathetically. + +"I bet yer, Mr. Lubliner," he agreed; "and so I would be at your store +to-morrow morning at ten o'clock sure." + + * * * * * + +"I don't doubt your word for a minute, Elkan," Marcus Polatkin said the +following morning when Elkan related to him the events of the preceding +night; "_aber_ you couldn't blame Sammet none. Concerns like Sammet +Brothers, which they are such dirty crooks that everybody is got +suspicions of 'em, y'understand, must got to pay their bills prompt to +the day, Elkan; because if they wouldn't be themselves good collectors, +understand me, they would bust up quick." + +"Sammet Brothers ain't in no danger of busting up," Elkan declared. + +"Ain't they?" Marcus rejoined. "Well, you would be surprised, Elkan, if +I would tell you that only yesterday already I am speaking to a feller +by the name Hirsch, which works for years by the Hamsuckett Mills as +city salesman, understand me, and he says that the least Sammet Brothers +owes them people is ten thousand dollars." + +"That shows what a big business they must do," Elkan said. + +"_Yow_--a big business!" Marcus concluded. "This here Hirsch says not +only Sammet Brothers' business falls off something terrible, +y'understand, but they are also getting to be pretty slow pay; and if it +wouldn't be that the Hamsuckett people is helping 'em along, _verstehst +du_, they would of gone up _schon_ long since already." + +"And a good job too," Elkan said. "The cloak-and-suit trade could worry +along without 'em, Mr. Polatkin; but anyhow, Mr. Polatkin, I ain't +concerned with Sammet Brothers. The point is this: Dishkes says he has +got a good stand there on Amsterdam Avenue, and if he could only hold on +a couple months longer he wouldn't got no difficulty in pulling +through." + +Polatkin shrugged his shoulders. + +"For my part," he said, "it wouldn't make no difference if Dishkes +busts up now _oder_ two months from now." + +"But the way he tells me yesterday," Elkan replied, "not only he +wouldn't got to bust up on us if he gets his two months' extension, but +he says he would be doing a good business at that time." + +Polatkin nodded skeptically. + +"Sure, I know, Elkan," he said. "If everybody which is asking an +extension would do the business they hope to do before the extension is +up, Elkan," he said, "all the prompt-pay fellows must got to close up +shop on account there wouldn't be enough business to go round." + +"Well, anyhow," Elkan rejoined, "he's coming here to see us this +morning, Mr. Polatkin, and he could show you how he figures it that he's +got hopes to pull through." + +Polatkin made a deprecatory gesture with his hand. + +"If a feller is going to bust up on me, Elkan, I'd just as lief he ain't +got no hopes at all," he grumbled; "otherwise he wastes your whole day +on you figuring out his next season's profits if he can only stall off +his creditors. With such a hoping feller, if you don't want to be out +time as well as money, understand me, you should quick file a petition +in bankruptcy against him; otherwise he wouldn't give you no peace at +all." + +Nevertheless, when Dishkes arrived, half an hour later, Polatkin +ushered him into the firm's office and summoned Scheikowitz and Elkan to +the conference. + +"Well, Dishkes," he said in kindly accents, "you are up against it." + +Dishkes nodded. He was by no means of a robust physical type, and his +hands trembled so nervously as he fumbled for his papers in his breast +pocket that he dropped its contents on the office floor. Elkan stooped +to assist in retrieving the scattered papers, and among the documents he +gathered together was a cabinet photograph. + +"My wife!" Dishkes murmured hoarsely. "She ain't so strong, and I am +sending her up to the country a couple months ago. I've been meaning I +should go up and see her ever since, but----" + +Here he gulped dismally; and there was an embarrassed silence, broken +only by the faint noise occasioned by Philip Scheikowitz scratching his +chin. + +"That's a _Rosher_--that feller Sammet," Polatkin said at length. +"Honestly, the way some business men ain't got no mercy at all for the +other feller, you would think, Scheikowitz, they was living back in the +old country yet!" + +Scheikowitz nodded and glanced nervously from the photograph to Elkan. + +"I think you was telling me you got a couple idees about helping Dishkes +out, Elkan," he said. "So, in the first place, Dishkes, you should +please let us see a list of your creditors." + +With this prelude Scheikowitz drew forward his chair and plunged into a +discussion of Dishkes' affairs that lasted for more than two hours; and +when Dishkes at length departed he took with him notices of a meeting +addressed to his twenty creditors, prepared for immediate mailing by +Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company's stenographer. + +"And that's what we let ourselves in for," Scheikowitz declared after +the elevator door had closed behind Dishkes. "To-morrow morning at +eleven o'clock the place here would look like the waiting room of a +depot, and all our competitors would be rubbering at our stock already." + +"Let 'em rubber!" Elkan said. "If I don't get an extension for that +feller my name ain't Elkan Lubliner at all; because between now and then +I am going round to see them twenty creditors, and I bet yer they will +sign an extension agreement, with the figures I am going to put up to +them!" + +"Figures!" Scheikowitz jeered. "What good is figures to them fellers? +Showing figures to a bankrupt's creditors is like taking to a restaurant +a feller which is hungry and letting him look at the knives and forks +and plates, understand me!" + +Elkan nodded. + +"Sure, I know," he said; "but the figures ain't all." + +Surreptitiously he drew from his pocket a faded cabinet photograph. + +"I sneaked this away from Dishkes when he wasn't noticing," Elkan +declared; "and if this don't fix 'em nothing will!" + + * * * * * + +"Say, lookyhere, Lubliner," Leon Sammet cried after Elkan had broached +the reason for his visit late that afternoon, "don't give me that tale +of woe again. Every time we are asking Dishkes for money he pulls this +here sick-wife story on us, understand me; and it don't go down with me +no more." + +"What d'ye mean don't go down with you?" Elkan demanded. "Do you claim +his wife ain't sick?" + +"I don't claim nothing," Sammet retorted. "I ain't no doctor, Lubliner. +I am in the cloak-and-suit business, and I got to pay my creditors with +United States money, Lubliner, if my wife would be dying yet." + +"Which you ain't got no wife," Elkan added savagely. + +"_Gott sei Dank!_" Sammet rejoined. "_Aber_ if I did got one, +y'understand, I would got _Verstand_ enough to pick out a healthy woman, +which Dishkes does everything the same. He picks out a store there on an +avenue when it is a dead neighbourhood, understand me--and he wants us +we should suffer for it." + +"The neighbourhood wouldn't be dead after three months," Elkan +said. "Round the corner on both sides of the street is building +thirty-three-foot, seven-story elevator apartments yet; and when they +are occupied, Dishkes would do a rushing business." + +"That's all right," Sammet answered. "I ain't speculating in real-estate +futures, Lubliner; so you might just so well go ahead and attend to your +business, Lubliner, because me I am going to do the same." + +"But lookyhere, Sammet," Elkan still pleaded. "I seen pretty near every +one of Dishkes' creditors and they all agree the feller should have a +three months' extension." + +"Let 'em agree," Sammet shouted. "They are their own bosses and so am I, +Lubliner; so if they want to give him an extension of their account I +ain't got nothing to say. All I want is eight hundred dollars he owes +me; and the rest of them suckers could agree till they are black in the +face." + +"_Aber_, anyhow, Sammet," Elkan said, "come to the meeting to-morrow +morning and we would see what we could do." + +"See what we could do!" Sammet bellowed. "You will see what I could do, +Lubliner; and I will come to the meeting to-morrow and I'll do it too. +So, if you don't mind, Lubliner, I could still do a little work before +we close up here." + +For a brief interval Elkan dug his nails into the palms of his hands, +and his eyes unconsciously sought a target for a right swing on Sammet's +bloated face; but at length he nodded and forced himself to smile. + +"_Schon gut_, Mr. Sammet," he said; "then I will see you to-morrow." + +A moment later he strode down lower Fifth Avenue toward the place of +business of the last creditor on Dishkes' list. This was none other than +Elkan's distinguished friend, B. Gans, the manufacturer of high-grade +dresses; and it required less than ten minutes to procure his consent to +the proposed extension. + +"And I hope," Elkan said, "that we could count on you to be at the +meeting to-morrow." + +"That's something I couldn't do," B. Gans replied; "but I'll write you a +letter and give you full authority you should represent me there. Excuse +me a minute and I'll dictate it to Miss Scheindler." When he returned, +five minutes later, he sat down at his desk and, crossing his legs, +prepared to beguile the tedium of waiting. + +"Well, Elkan," he said, "what you been doing with yourself lately? +Thee-aytres and restaurants, I suppose?" + +"Thee-aytres I ain't so much interested in no more," Elkan said. "The +fact is, I am going in now for antics." + +"Antics!" B. Gans exclaimed. + +"Sure," Elkan replied; and there was a certain pride in his tones. +"Antics is what I said, Mr. Gans--Jacobson chairs and them--now--cat's +furniture." + +"Cat's furniture?" Gans repeated. "What d'ye mean cat's furniture?" + +"Angry cats," Elkan explained; and then a great light broke upon B. +Gans. + +"Oh!" he exclaimed. "You mean Henri Quatre furniture?" + +"Hungry cat _oder_ angry cat," Elkan said. "All I know is we are +refurnishing our flat, Mr. Gans, and we are taking an advice from Max +Merech, our designer. It's a funny thing about that feller, Mr. +Gans--with garments he is right up to the minute, _aber mit_ furniture +nothing suits him unless it would be anyhow a hundred years old." + +"So you are buying some antique furniture for your flat?" B. Gans +commented, and Elkan nodded. + +"We made a start anyhow," he said. "We bought a couple Jacobson +chairs--two hundred and fifty years old already." + +"Good!" B. Gans exclaimed. "I want to tell you, Elkan, you couldn't go +far wrong if you would buy any piece of furniture over a hundred years +old. They didn't know how to make things ugly in them days--and Jacobean +chairs especially. I am furnishing my whole dining room in that period +and my library in Old French. It costs money, Elkan, but it's worth +it." + +Elkan nodded and steered the conversation into safer channels; so that +by the time Miss Scheindler had brought in the letter they were +discussing familiar business topics. + +"Also," Gans said as he appended his neat signature to the letter, "I +wish you and Dishkes luck, Elkan; and keep up the good work about the +antique furniture. Even when you would get stuck with a reproduction +instead of a genuine piece once in a while, if it looks just as good as +the original and no one tells you differently, understand me, you feel +just as happy." + +Thus encouraged, Elkan went home that evening full of a determination to +acquire all the antique furniture his apartment would hold; and he and +Yetta sat up until past midnight conning the pages of a heavy volume on +the subject, which Yetta had procured from the neighbouring public +library. Accordingly Elkan rose late the following morning, and it was +almost nine o'clock before he reached his office and observed on the +very top of his morning mail a slip of paper containing a message in the +handwriting of Sam, the office boy. + +"A man called about Jacobowitz," it read, and Elkan immediately rang his +deskbell. + +"What Jacobowitz is this?" he demanded as Sam entered, and the office +boy shrugged. + +"I should know!" he said. + +"What d'ye mean you should know?" Elkan cried. "Ain't I always told it +you you should write down always the name when people call?" + +"Ain't Jacobowitz a name?" Sam replied. "Furthermore, you couldn't +expect me I should get the family history from everybody which is coming +in the place, Mr. Lubliner--especially when the feller says he would +come back." + +"Why didn't you tell me he is coming back?" Elkan asked, and again Sam +shrugged. + +"When the feller is coming back, Mr. Lubliner," he said, "it don't make +no difference if I tell you _oder_ not. He would come back anyhow." + +Having thus disposed of the matter to his entire satisfaction, Sam +withdrew and banged the door triumphantly behind him, while Elkan fell +to examining his mail. He had hardly cut the first envelope, however, +when his door opened to admit Dishkes. + +"_Nu_, Dishkes!" Elkan said. "You are pretty early, ain't it?" + +Dishkes nodded. + +"I'm a _Schlemiel_, Mr. Lubliner," he said, "and that's all there is to +it. Yesterday I went to work and lost my wife's picture." + +Elkan slapped his thigh with his hand. + +"Well, ain't I a peach?" he said. "I am getting so mixed up with these +here antics I completely forgot to tell Yetta anything about it. I +didn't even show it to her, Dishkes; so you must leave me have it for a +day longer, Dishkes." + +As he spoke he drew the cabinet photograph from his breast pocket and +handed it to Dishkes, who gazed earnestly at it for a minute. Then, +resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands and +burst into a fit of hysterical sobbing, whereat Elkan jumped from his +seat and passed hurriedly out of the room. As he walked toward the +showroom the strains of a popular song came from behind a rack. + +"Sam," he bellowed, "who asks you you should whistle round here?" + +The whistling ceased and Sam emerged from his hiding-place with a +feather brush. + +"I could whistle without being asked," Sam replied; "and furthermore, +Mr. Lubliner, when I am dusting the samples I must got to whistle; +otherwise the dust gets in my lungs, which I value my lungs the same +like you do, Mr. Lubliner, even if I would be here only a boy working on +stock!" + +With this decisive rejoinder he resumed dusting the samples, while Elkan +returned to his office, where he found that Dishkes had regained his +composure. + + * * * * * + +Despite the fact that all of Dishkes' creditors save one had signed an +extension agreement, the meeting in Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company's +showroom was well attended; and when Leon Sammet came in, at +quarter-past eleven, the assemblage had already elected Charles Finkman, +of Maisener & Finkman, as chairman. He had just taken his seat in Philip +Scheikowitz's new revolving chair and was in the act of noisily clearing +his throat in lieu of pounding the table with a gavel. + +"Gentlemen," he said, "first, I want to thank you for the signal honour +you are doing me in appointing me your chairman. For sixteen years now +my labours in the Independent Order Mattai Aaron ain't unknown to most +of you here. Ten years ago, at the national convention held in +Sarahcuse, gentlemen, I was unanimously elected by the delegates from +sixty lodges to be your National Grand Master; and----" + +At this juncture Leon Sammet rose ponderously to his feet. + +"Say, Finkman!" retorted Sammet. "What has all this _Stuss_ about the I. +O. M. A. got to do _mit_ Dishkes here?" + +Again Finkman cleared his throat, and this time he produced a note of +challenge that caused the members of the I. O. M. A. there present to +lean forward in their seats. They expected a crushing rejoinder and they +were not disappointed. + +"What is the motto of the I. O. M. A., Sammet?" Finkman thundered. +"'Justice, Fraternity and Charity!' And I say to you now that, as +chairman of this meeting, as well as Past National Grand Master of that +noble order to which you and I both belong, _verstehst du_, I will see +that justice be done, fraternity be encouraged and charity dispensed on +each and every occasion. + +"Now, my brothers, here is a fellow member of our organization in +distress, y'understand; and I ask you one and all this question"--he +raised his voice to a pitch that made the filaments tremble in the +electric-light bulbs--"Who," he roared, "who will come to his +assistance?" + +He paused dramatically just as Sam, the office boy, stuck his head in +the showroom doorway and rent the silence with his high, piping voice. + +"Mr. Lubliner," he said, "the man is here about Jacobowitz." + +Elkan flapped his hand wildly, but it was too late to prevent the +entrance of no less a person than Jacob Paul--the connoisseur of +antiques and fine arts. + +"Hello, Finkman!" he said; "what's the trouble here?" + +Elkan started from his seat to interrupt his visitor, but there was +something in Finkman's manner that made him sit down again. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Paul?" Finkman exclaimed; and the clarion note +had deserted his voice, leaving only a slight hoarseness to mark its +passing. "What brings you here?" + +"I might ask the same of you, Finkman," Jacob Paul replied; and as his +keen eyes scanned the assembled company they rested for a minute on Leon +Sammet, who forthwith began to perspire. + +"The fact is," Finkman began, "this here is a meeting of creditors of +Louis Dishkes, of the Villy dee Paris Store on Amsterdam Avenue." + +Paul turned to Louis Dishkes, proprietor of the Ville de Paris Store, +who sat at the side of the room behind Scheikowitz's desk in an +improvised prisoner's dock. + +"What's the matter, Dishkes?" Paul asked. "Couldn't you make it go up +there?" + +Dishkes shrugged hopelessly. + +"Next month, when them houses round the corner is rented," he said, "I +could do a good business there." + +"You ought to," Paul agreed. "You ain't got no competitors, so far as I +could see." + +"That's what we all think!" Elkan broke in--"that is to say, all of us +except Mr. Sammet; and he ain't willing to wait for his money." + +Leon Sammet moved uneasily in his chair as Jacob Paul faced about in his +direction. + +"Why ain't you willing to wait, Sammet?" he asked; and Leon mopped his +face with his handkerchief. + +"Well, it's like this, Mr. Paul----" he began, but the connoisseur of +antiques raised his hand. + +"One moment, Sammet," he said. "You know as well as anybody else, and +better even, that a millionaire concern like the Hamsuckett Mills must +got to wait once in a while." He paused significantly. "If we didn't," +he continued, "there's plenty of solvent concerns would be forced to the +wall--ain't it? Furthermore, if the Hamsuckett Mills did business the +way you want to, Sammet, I wouldn't keep my job as credit man and +treasurer very long." + +Sammet nodded weakly and plied his handkerchief with more vigour, while +Elkan sat and stared at his acquaintance of Sunday night in unfeigned +astonishment. + +"Then what is the use of talking, Sammet?" Paul said. "So long as you +are the only one standing out, why don't you make an end of it? How long +an extension does Dishkes want?" + +"Two months," Finkman answered. + +"And where is the agreement you fellows all signed?" Paul continued. + +Elkan took a paper from the desk in front of Dishkes and passed it to +Paul, who drew from his waistcoat pocket an opulent gold-mounted +fountain pen. Then he walked over to Leon Sammet and handed him the pen +and the agreement. + +"_Schreib_, Sammet," he said, "and don't make no more fuss about it." + +A moment later Sammet appended a shaky signature to the agreement and +returned it, with the pen, to Paul. + +A quarter of an hour later Jacob Paul sat in Elkan's office and smoked +one of Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company's best cigars. + +"Now I put it up to you, Lubliner," he said: "them Jacobean chairs are +pretty high at fifty dollars, but I want 'em, and I'm willing to give +you sixty for 'em." + +Elkan smiled and made a wide gesture with both hands. + +"My dear Mr. Paul," he said, "after what you done to-day for Dishkes +I'll make you a present of 'em--free for nothing." + +"No, you won't do no such thing," Paul declared; "because I'm going to +sell 'em again and at a profit, as I may as well tell you." + +"My worries what you are going to do with 'em!" Elkan declared. "But one +thing I ain't going to do, Mr. Paul--I ain't going to make no profit on +you; so go ahead and take the chairs at what I paid for 'em--and that's +the best I could do for you." + +It required no further persuasion for Jacob Paul to draw a fifty-dollar +check to Elkan's order; and as he rose to leave Elkan pressed his hand +warmly. + +"Come up and see me, Mr. Paul, when we get through refurnishing," he +said. "I promise you you would see a flat furnished to your taste--no +crayon portraits nor nothing." + + * * * * * + +It was late in the afternoon when Elkan's office door opened to admit +Sam, the office boy. + +"Mr. Lubliner," he said, "another feller is here about this +here--now--Jacobowitz." + +Elkan glanced through the half-open door and recognized the figure of +Ringentaub, the antiquarian. + +"Tell him to come in," he said; and a moment later Ringentaub was +wringing Elkan's hand and babbling his gratitude for his +brother-in-law's deliverance from bankruptcy. + +"God will bless you for it, Mr. Lubliner," he said; "and I am ashamed of +myself when I think of it. I am a dawg, Mr. Lubliner--and that's all +there is to it." + +Here he drew a greasy wallet from his breast-pocket and extracted three +ten-dollar bills. + +"Take 'em, Mr. Lubliner," he said, "and forgive me." + +He pressed the bills into Elkan's hand. + +"What's this?" Elkan demanded. + +"That's the change from your fifty dollars," Ringentaub replied; +"because, so help me, Mr. Lubliner, there is first-class material in +them chairs and the feller that makes 'em for me is a highgrade +cabinetmaker. Then you got to reckon it stands me in a couple of dollars +also to get 'em fixed up antique, y'understand; so, if you get them +chairs for twenty dollars you are buying a bargain, Mr. Lubliner." + +"Why, what d'ye mean?" Elkan cried. "Ain't them chairs gen-wine Jacobean +chairs?" + +"Not by a whole lot they ain't," Ringentaub declared fervently. + +"But Mr. Paul thinks they are!" Elkan exclaimed. + +"Sure, I know," Ringentaub answered; "and that shows what a lot a +collector knows about such things. Paul is a credit man for the +Hamsuckett Mills, Mr. Lubliner; but he collects old furniture on the +side." + +For a moment Elkan gazed open-mouthed at the antiquarian and a great +light began to break in on him. + +"So-o-o!" he cried. "That's what you mean by a collector!" + +Ringentaub nodded. + +"And furthermore, Mr. Lubliner, when collectors knows more about +antiques as dealers does, Mr. Lubliner," he said with his hand on the +doorknob, "I'll go into the woollen piece-goods business too--which you +could take it from me, Mr. Lubliner, it wouldn't be soon, by a hundred +years even." + + * * * * * + +When Elkan emerged from the One-Hundred-and-Sixteenth Street station of +the subway that evening a familiar voice hailed him from the rear. + +"_Nu_, Elkan!" cried B. Gans, for it was none other than he. "You made +out fine at the meeting this morning--ain't it?" + +"Who told you?" Elkan asked as he linked arms with the highgrade +manufacturer. + +"Never mind who told me," B. Gans said jokingly; "but all I could say is +you made a tremendous hit with Jacob Paul, Elkan--and if that ain't no +compliment, understand me, I don't know what is. Why, there ain't a +better judge of men _oder_ antique furniture in this here city than +Paul, Elkan. He's an A-Number-One credit man, too, and I bet yer he gets +a big salary from them Hamsuckett Mills people, which the least his +income could be--considering what he picks up selling antiques--is +fifteen thousand a year." + +"Does Paul sell all the antiques he collects?" Elkan asked. + +"Does he?" B. Gans rejoined. "Well, I should say he does! Myself I +bought from him in the past two weeks half a dozen chairs, understand +me--four last week and two to-day--which I am paying him five hundred +dollars for the lot. They're worth it, too, Elkan. I never seen finer +examples of the period." + +"But are you sure they're gen-wine?" Elkan asked as they reached the +entrance to his apartment house. + +"Paul says they are," B. Gans answered, slapping Elkan's shoulder in +farewell; "and if he's mistaken, Elkan, then I'm content that I should +be." + +Two hours later, however, after Elkan had recounted to Yetta all the +incidents of Dishkes' meeting and the resulting sale of the chairs, his +conscience smote him. + +"What d'ye think, Yetta?" he asked. "Should I tell Paul and Gans the +chairs ain't gen-wine, _oder_ not?" + +For more than ten minutes Yetta wrinkled her forehead over this knotty +ethical point; then she delivered her opinion. + +"Mr. Gans tells you he is just as happy if they ain't gen-wine--ain't +it?" she said. + +Elkan nodded. + +"And Mr. Paul acted honest, because he didn't know they wasn't gen-wine +neither, ain't it?" she continued. + +Again Elkan nodded. + +"Then," Yetta declared, "if you are taking it so particular as all that, +Elkan, there's only one thing for you to do--give me the thirty +dollars!" + +"Is that so!" Elkan exclaimed ironically. "And what will you do with the +money?" + +"The only thing I can do with it, _Schlemiel_," she said. "Ten dollars I +will give Louis Dishkes he should take a trip up to the country over +Sunday and visit his wife." + +"And what will we do with the other twenty?" Elkan asked. + +"We'll send a present with him to Mrs. Dishkes," Yetta concluded with a +smile, "and it wouldn't be no antics neither!" + + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN + +SWEET AND SOUR + +ARE THE USES OF COMPETITIVE SALESMANSHIP + + +"_Aber_ me and Yetta is got it all fixed up we would go to Mrs. Kotlin's +already," Elkan Lubliner protested as he mopped his forehead one hot +Tuesday morning in July. "The board there is something elegant, Mr. +Scheikowitz. Everybody says so." + +"_Yow!_ everybody!" Philip Scheikowitz retorted. "Who is everybody, +Elkan? A couple drummers like Marks Pasinsky, one or two real estaters, +understand me, and the rest of 'em is wives from J to L retailers, third +credit, which every time their husbands comes down to spend Sunday with +'em, y'understand, he must pretty near got to pawn the shirt from his +back for car fare already." + +"Scheikowitz is right, Elkan," Marcus Polatkin joined in. "A feller +shouldn't make a god from his stomach, Elkan, especially when money +don't figure at all, so if you would be going down to Egremont Beach, +understand me, there's only one place you should stay, y'understand, and +that's the New Salisbury." + +"Which if you wouldn't take our word for it, Elkan," Scheikowitz added, +"just give a look here." + +He drew from his coat pocket the summer resort section of the previous +day's paper and thrust it toward his junior partner, indicating as he +did so a half column headed: + + MIDSEASON GAIETY AT + EGREMONT BEACH + +which reads as follows: + + The season is in full swing here. + + On Saturday night Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Gans gave a Chinese + Lantern Dinner in the Hanging Gardens at which were present + Mr. and Mrs. Sam Feder, Mr. and Mrs. Max Koblin, Mr. and Mrs. + Henry D. Feldman, Mr. Jacob Scharley and Miss Hortense + Feldman. + + Among those who registered Friday at the New Salisbury were + Mr. Jacob Scharley of San Francisco, Mr. and Mrs. Sol Klinger, + Mr. Leon Sammet and his mother, Mrs. Leah Sammet. + + +"I thought that Leon's brother Barney was staying down at Egremont," +Polatkin said after he and Elkan had read the item. + +"Barney is at Mrs. Kotlin's," Scheikowitz explained, "because _mit_ Leon +Sammet, Polatkin, nothing is too rotten for Barney to stay at, and +besides he thinks Barney would get a little _small_ business there, +which the way Sammet Brothers figures, understand me, if they could +stick a feller with three bills of goods for a couple hundred dollars +apiece, y'understand, so long as he pays up on the first two, he +couldn't eat up their profits if he would bust up on 'em _mit_ the +third." + +"Sure I know," Elkan said, "_aber_ I ain't going down to Egremont for +business, Mr. Scheikowitz, I'm going because it ain't so warm down +there." + +"_Schmooes_, Elkan!" Scheikowitz retorted. "It wouldn't make it not one +degrees warmer in Egremont supposing you could get a couple new accounts +down there." + +"B. Gans don't take it so particular about the weather," Polatkin +commented. "I bet yer he would a whole lot sooner take off his coat and +shirt and _spiel_ a little auction pinocle _mit_ Sol Klinger and Leon +Sammet and all them fellers as be giving dinners already in a tuxedo +suit to Sam Feder. I bet yer he gets a fine accommodation from the +Kosciusko Bank out of that dinner yet." + +"The other people also he ain't _schencking_ no dinners to 'em for +nothing neither," Scheikowitz declared. "Every one of 'em means +something to B. Gans, I bet yer." + +Elkan nodded. + +"Particularly Scharley," he said. + +"What d'ye mean, particularly Scharley?" Polatkin and Scheikowitz +inquired with one voice. + +"Why, ain't you heard about Scharley?" Elkan asked. "It's right there in +the _Daily Cloak and Suit Journal_." + +He indicated the front sheet of that newsy trade paper, where under the +heading of "Incorporations" appeared the following item: + + The Scharley, Oderburg Drygoods Company, San Francisco, Cal., + has filed articles of incorporation, giving its capital stock + as $500,000, and expects to open its new store in September + next. + +"And you are talking about staying by Mrs. Kotlin's!" Scheikowitz +exclaimed in injured tones. "You should ought to be ashamed of yourself, +Elkan." + +Elkan received his senior partner's upbraiding with a patient smile. + +"What show do we stand against a concern like B. Gans?" he asked. + +"B. Gans sells him only highgrade goods, Elkan," Scheikowitz declared. +"I bet yer the least the feller buys is for twenty thousand dollars +garments here, and a good half would be popular price lines, which if we +would get busy, we stand an elegant show there, Elkan." + +"You should ought to go down there to-morrow yet," Polatkin cried, +"because the first thing you know Leon Sammet would entertain him _mit_ +oitermobiles yet, and Sol Klinger gets also busy, understand me, and the +consequences is we wouldn't be in it at all." + +"Next Saturday is the earliest Yetta could get ready," Elkan replied +positively, and Polatkin strode up and down the floor in an access of +despair. + +"All right, Elkan," he said, "if you want to let such an opportunity +slip down your fingers, y'understand, all right. _Aber_ if I would be +you, Elkan, I would go down there to-night yet." + +Elkan shrugged his shoulders. + +"I couldn't get Yetta she should close up the flat under the very least +_two_ days, Mr. Polatkin," he said. "She must got to fix everything just +right, _mit_ moth-camphor and _Gott weisst was nach_, otherwise she +wouldn't go at all. The rugs alone takes a whole day to fix." + +"Do as you like, Elkan," Polatkin declared, "_aber_ you mark my words, +if Leon Sammet ain't shoving heaven and earth right now, y'understand, I +don't know nothing about the garment business at all." + +In fulfilment of this prophecy, when Elkan entered his office the +following morning Polatkin waved in his face a copy of the morning +paper. + +"Well," he said, "what did I told you, Elkan?" + +Scheikowitz nodded slowly. + +"My partner is right, Elkan," he added, "so stubborn you are." + +"What's the matter now?" Elkan asked, and for answer Polatkin handed him +the paper with his thumb pressed against a paragraph as follows: + + Mr. and Mrs. Sam Feder, Mr. and Mrs. Max Koblin, Mr. and Mrs. + Henry D. Feldman, Miss Hortense Feldman, and Mr. Jacob + Scharley were guests of Mr. Leon Sammet at a Chinese Lantern + Dinner this evening given in the Hanging Gardens of the New + Salisbury. + +"I thought it would be at the least an oitermobile ride," Polatkin said +in melancholy tones, "but with that sucker all he could do is stealing a +competitor's idees. B. Gans gives Scharley a dinner and Leon Sammet is +got to do it, too, _mit_ the same guests and everything." + +"Even to Feldman's sister already," Scheikowitz added, "which it must be +that Feldman is trying to marry her off to Scharley even if he would be +a widower _mit_ two sons in college. She's a highly educated young lady, +too." + +"Young she ain't no longer," Polatkin interrupted, "and if a girl +couldn't cook even a pertater, understand me, it don't make no +difference if she couldn't cook it in six languages, y'understand, +Feldman would got a hard job marrying her off _anyhow_." + +Scheikowitz made an impatient gesture with both hands, suggestive of a +dog swimming. + +"That's neither here or there, Polatkin," he said. "The point is Elkan +should go right uptown and _geschwind_ pack his grip and be down at the +Salisbury this afternoon yet, if Yetta would be ready _oder_ not. We +couldn't afford to let the ground grow under our feet and that's all +there is _to_ it." + +Thus, shortly after six o'clock that evening, Elkan and Yetta alighted +from the 5:10 special from Flatbush Avenue and picked their way through +a marital throng that kissed and embraced with as much ardour as though +the reunion had concluded a parting of ten years instead of ten hours. +At length the happy couples dragged themselves apart and crowded into +the automobile 'bus of the New Salisbury, sweeping Elkan and Yetta +before them, so that when the 'bus arrived at the hotel Elkan and Yetta +were the last to descend. + +A burly yellow-faced porter seized the baggage with the contemptuous +manner that Ham nowadays evinces toward Shem, and Elkan and Yetta +followed him through the luxurious social hall to the desk. There the +room clerk immediately shot out a three-carat diamond ring, and when +Elkan's eyes became accustomed to the glare he saw that beneath it was a +fat white hand extended in cordial greeting. + +"Why, how do you do, Mr. Williams," Elkan cried, as he shook hands +fervently. "Ain't you in the Pitt House, Sarahcuse, no more?" + +"I'm taking a short vacation in a sensible manner, Mr. Lubliner," Mr. +Williams replied in the rounded tones that only truly great actors, +clergymen, and room clerks possess. "Which means that I am interested in +a real-estate development near here, and I'm combining business with +pleasure for a couple of months." + +Elkan nodded admiringly. + +"You got the right idee, Mr. Williams," he said. "This is my wife, Mr. +Williams." + +The room clerk acknowledged the introduction with a bow that combined +the grace of Paderewski and the dignity of Prince Florizel in just the +right proportions. + +"Delighted to know you, Madame," he declared. "Have you made +reservations, Mr. Lubliner?" + +Elkan shook his head and after an exchange of confidential murmurs Mr. +Williams assigned them a room with an ocean view, from which they +emerged less than half an hour later to await on the veranda the welcome +sound of the dinner gong. A buzz of animated conversation filled the +air, above which rose a little shriek of welcome as Mrs. Gans rushed +toward Yetta with outstretched hands. + +"Why, hello, Yetta!" she cried. "I didn't know you was coming down +here." + +They exchanged the kiss of utter peace that persists between the kin of +highgrade and popular-priced manufacturers. + +"I read about you in the newspapers," Yetta said, as they seated +themselves in adjoining rockers, and Mrs. Gans flashed all the gems of +her right hand in a gesture of deprecation. + +"I tell you," she said, "it makes me sick here the way people carries +on. Honestly, Yetta, I don't see Barney only at meals and when he's +getting dressed. Everything is Mister _Scharley_, Mister _Scharley_. You +would think he was H. P. Morgan _oder_ the Czar of _Russland_ from the +fuss everybody makes over him." + +Yetta nodded in sympathy and suddenly Mrs. Gans clutched the arm of her +chair. + +"There he is now," she hissed. + +"Where?" Yetta asked, and Mrs. Gans nodded toward a doorway at the end +of the veranda, on which in electric bulbs was outlined the legend, +"Hanging Gardens." Yetta descried a short, stout personage between fifty +and sixty years of age, arrayed in a white flannel suit of which the +coat and waistcoat were cut in imitation of an informal evening costume. +On his arm there drooped a lady no longer in her twenties, and from the +V-shaped opening in the rear of her dinner gown a medical student could +have distinguished with more or less certainty the bones of the cervical +vertebrae, the right and left scapula and the articulation of each with +the humerus and clavicle. + +"That's Miss Feldman," Mrs. Gans whispered. "She's refined like +anything, Yetta, and she talks French better as a waiter already." + +At this juncture the dinner gong sounded and Yetta rejoined Elkan in the +social hall. + +"What is the trouble you are looking so _rachmonos_, Elkan?" she asked +as she pressed his arm consolingly. + +"To-night it's Sol Klinger," Elkan replied. "He's got a dinner on in the +Hanging Gardens for Scharley, Yetta, and I guess I wouldn't get a +look-in even." + +"You've got six weeks before you," Yetta assured him, "and you +shouldn't worry. Something is bound to turn up, ain't it?" + +She gave his arm another little caress and they proceeded immediately to +the dining room, where the string orchestra and the small talk of two +hundred and fifty guests strove vainly for the ascendency in one +maddening cacophony. It was nearly eight o'clock before Elkan and Yetta +arose from the table and repaired to the veranda whose rockers were +filled with a chattering throng. + +"Let's get out of this," Elkan said, and they descended the veranda +steps to the sidewalk. Five minutes later they were seated on a remote +bench of the boardwalk, and until nine o'clock they watched the beauty +of the moon and sea, which is constant even at Egremont Beach. When they +rose to go Yetta noticed for the first time a shawl-clad figure on the +adjacent bench, and immediately a pair of keen eyes flashed from a face +whose plump contentment was framed in a jet black wig of an early +Victorian design. + + * * * * * + +"Why, if it ain't Mrs. Lesengeld," Yetta exclaimed and the next moment +she enfolded the little woman in a cordial embrace. + +"You grown a _bisschen_ fat, Yetta," Mrs. Lesengeld said. "I wouldn't +knew you at all, if you ain't speaking to me first." + +"This is my husband, Mrs. Lesengeld--Mr. Lubliner," Yetta went on. "He +heard me talk often from you, Mrs. Lesengeld, and what a time you got it +learning me I should speak English yet." + +Elkan beamed at Mrs. Lesengeld. + +"And not only _that_," he said, "but also how good to her you was when +she was sick already. There ain't many boarding-house ladies like you, +Mrs. Lesengeld." + +"And there ain't so many boarders like Yetta, neither," Mrs. Lesengeld +retorted. + +"And do you got a boarding-house down here, Mrs. Lesengeld?" Yetta +asked. + +"I've gone out of the boarding-house business," Mrs. Lesengeld replied, +"which you know what a trouble I got it _mit_ that lowlife Lesengeld, +_olav hasholom_, after he failed in the pants business, how I am working +my fingers to the bones already keeping up his insurings in the I. O. M. +A. and a couple thousand dollars in a company already." + +Yetta nodded. + +"Which I got my reward at last," Mrs. Lesengeld concluded. "Quick +diabetes, Yetta, and so I bought for ten thousand dollars a mortgage, +understand me, and my son-in-law allows me also four dollars a week +which I got it a whole lot easier nowadays." + +"And are you staying down here?" Elkan asked. + +"Me, I got for twenty dollars a month a little house _mit_ two rooms +only, right on the sea, which they call it there Bognor Park. You must +come over and see us, Yetta. Such a _gemuetlich_ little house we got it +you wouldn't believe at all, and every Sunday my daughter Fannie and my +son-in-law comes down and stays with us." + +"And are you going all the way home alone?" Elkan asked anxiously. + +"Fannie is staying down with me to-night. She meets me on the corner of +the Boulevard, where the car stops, at ten o'clock already," Mrs. +Lesengeld replied. + +"Then you must got to come right along with us," Elkan said, "and we'll +see you would get there on time." + +"Where are you going?" Mrs. Lesengeld asked. + +"Over to the Salisbury," Elkan answered, and Mrs. Lesengeld sank back on +to the bench. + +"_Geh weg_, Mr. Lubliner," she cried. "I am now fifty years old and I +was never in such a place in my life, especially which under this shawl +I got only a plain cotton dress yet." + +Elkan flapped his hand reassuringly. + +"A fine-looking lady like you, Mrs. Lesengeld," he said, as he seized +her hands and drew her gently to her feet, "looks well in anything." + +"And you'll have a water ice in the Hanging Gardens with us," Yetta +persisted as she slipped a hand under Mrs. Lesengeld's shawl and pressed +her arm affectionately. Ten minutes later they arrived at the stoop of +the New Salisbury, to the scandalization and horror of the three score +A to F first credit manufacturers and their wives. Moreover, +approximately a hundred and fifty karats of blue white diamonds rose and +fell indignantly on the bosoms of twenty or thirty credit-high +retailers' wives, when the little, toilworn woman with her shawl and +ritualistic wig entered the Hanging Gardens chatting pleasantly with +Elkan and Yetta; and as they seated themselves at a table the buzz of +conversation hushed into silence and then roared out anew with an +accompaniment of titters. + +At the next table Sol Klinger plied with liquors and cigars the +surviving guests of his dinner, and when Elkan nodded to him, he ignored +the salutation with a blank stare. He raged inwardly, not so much at +Elkan's invasion of that fashionable precinct as at the circumstance +that his guest of honour had departed with Miss Feldman for a stroll on +the boardwalk some ten minutes previously, and he was therefore unable +to profit by Elkan's _faux pas_. + +"The feller ain't got no manners at all," he said to Max Koblin, who +nodded gloomily. + +"It's getting terrible mixed down here, Sol," Max commented as he +hiccoughed away a slight flatulency. "Honestly if you want to be in +striking distance of your business, Sol, so's you could come in and out +every day, you got to rub shoulders with everybody, ain't it?" + +He soothed his outraged sensibilities with a great cloud of smoke that +drifted over Elkan's table, and Mrs. Lesengeld broke into a fit of +coughing which caused a repetition of the titters. + +"And do you still make that brown stewed fish sweet and sour, Mrs. +Lesengeld?" Yetta asked by way of putting the old lady at her ease. + +"Make it!" Mrs. Lesengeld answered. "I should say I do. Why you wouldn't +believe the way my son-in-law is crazy about it. We got it every Sunday +regular, and I tell you what I would do, Yetta." + +She laid her hand on Yetta's arm and her face broke into a thousand tiny +wrinkles of hospitality. + +"You should come Friday to lunch sure," she declared, "and we would got +some brown stewed fish sweet and sour and a good plate of _Bortch_ to +begin with." + +Sol Klinger had been leaning back in his chair in an effort to overhear +their conversation, and at this announcement he broke into a broad +guffaw, which ran around the table after he had related the cause of it +to his guests. Indeed, so much did Sol relish the joke that with it he +entertained the occupants of about a dozen seats in the smoking car of +the 8:04 express the next morning, and he was so full of it when he +entered Hammersmith's Restaurant the following noon that he could not +forego the pleasure of visiting Marcus Polatkin's table and relating it +to Polatkin himself. + +Polatkin heard him through without a smile and when at its conclusion +Klinger broke into a hysterical appreciation of his own humour, Polatkin +shrugged. + +"I suppose, Klinger," he said, "your poor mother, _olav hasholom_, +didn't wear a _sheitel_ neither, ain't it?" + +"My mother, _olav hasholom_, would got more sense as to butt in to a +place like that," Klinger retorted. + +"Even if you wouldn't of been ashamed to have taken her there, Klinger," +he added. + +Klinger flushed angrily. + +"That ain't here or there, Polatkin," he said. "You should ought to put +your partner wise, Polatkin, that he shouldn't go dragging in an old +_Bube_ into a place like the Salisbury and talking such nonsense like +brown stewed fish sweet and sour." + +He broke into another laugh at the recollection of it--a laugh that was +louder but hardly as unforced as the first one. + +"What's the matter _mit_ brown stewed fish sweet and sour, Klinger?" +Polatkin asked. "I eat already a lot of _a-la's_ and _en cazzerolls_ in +a whole lot of places just so _grossartig_ as the Salisbury, understand +me, and I would _schenck_ you a million of 'em for one plate of brown +stewed fish sweet and sour like your mother made it from _zu Hause_ +yet." + +"But what for an interest does a merchant like Scharley got to hear such +things," Klinger protested lamely. "Honestly, I was ashamed for your +partner's sake to hear such a talk going on there." + +"Did Scharley got any objections?" Polatkin asked. + +"Fortunately the feller had gone away from the table," Klinger replied, +"so he didn't hear it at all." + +"Well," Polatkin declared, taking up his knife and fork as a signal that +the matter was closed, "ask him and see if he wouldn't a whole lot +sooner eat some good brown stewed fish sweet and sour as a Chinese +Lantern Dinner--whatever for a bunch of poison that might be, +Klinger--and don't you forget it." + +Nevertheless when Polatkin returned to his place of business he +proceeded at once to Elkan's office. + +"Say, lookyhere Elkan," he demanded, "what is all this I hear about you +and Yetta taking an old _Bube_ into the Hanging Gardens already, and +making from her laughing stocks out of the whole place." + +Elkan looked up calmly. + +"It's a free country, Mr. Polatkin," he said, "and so long as I pay my +board _mit_ U. S. money, already I would take in there any of my friends +I would please." + +"Sure, I know," Polatkin expostulated, "but I seen Klinger around at +Hammersmith's and he says----" + +"Klinger!" Elkan exclaimed. "Well, you could say to Klinger for me, Mr. +Polatkin, that if he don't like the way I am acting around there, +understand me, he should just got the nerve to tell it me to my face +yet." + +Polatkin flapped the air with his right hand. + +"Never mind Klinger, Elkan," he said. "You got to consider you shouldn't +make a fool of yourself before Scharley and all them people. How do you +expect you should get such a merchant as Scharley he should accept from +you entertainment like a Chinese Lantern Dinner, if you are acting that +way?" + +"Chinese Lantern Dinner be damned!" Elkan retorted. "When we got the +right goods at the right price, Mr. Polatkin, why should we got to give +a merchant dinners yet to convince him of it?" + +"Dinners is nothing, Elkan," Polatkin interrupted with a wave of his +hand. "You got to give him dyspepsha even, the way business is +nowadays." + +"_Aber_ I was talking to the room clerk last night," Elkan went on, "and +he tells me so sure as you are standing there, Mr. Polatkin, a Chinese +Lantern Dinner would stand us in twenty dollars a head." + +"Twenty dollars a head!" Polatkin exclaimed and indulged himself in a +low whistle. + +"So even if I _would_ be staying at the Salisbury, understand me," Elkan +said, "I ain't going to throw away our money out of the window exactly." + +"_Aber_ how are you going to get the feller down here, if you wouldn't +entertain him or something?" + +Elkan slapped his chest with a great show of confidence. + +"Leave that to _me_, Mr. Polatkin," he said, and put on his hat +preparatory to going out to lunch. + +Nevertheless when he descended from his room at the New Salisbury that +evening and prepared to take a turn on the boardwalk before dinner, his +confidence evaporated at the coolness of his reception by the assembled +guests of the hotel. Leon Sammet cut him dead, and even B. Gans greeted +him with half jovial reproach. + +"Well, Elkan," he said, "going to entertain any more _fromme Leute_ in +the Garden to-night?" + +"Seemingly, Mr. Gans," Elkan said, "it was a big shock to everybody here +to see for the first time an old lady wearing a _sheitel_. I suppose +nobody here never seen it before, ain't it?" + +B. Gans put a fatherly hand on Elkan's shoulder. + +"I'll tell yer, Elkan," he said, "if I would be such a _rosher_, +understand me, that I would hold it against you because you ain't +forgetting an old friend, like this here lady must be, y'understand, I +should never sell a dollar's worth more goods so long as I live, _aber_ +if Klinger and Sammet would start kidding you in front of Scharley, +understand me, it would look bad." + +"Why would it look bad, Mr. Gans?" Elkan broke in. + +"Because it don't do nobody no good to have funny stories told about +'em, except an actor _oder_ a politician, Elkan," Gans replied as the +dinner gong began to sound, "which if a customer wouldn't take _you_ +seriously, he wouldn't take your goods seriously neither, Elkan, and +that's all there is _to_ it." + +He smiled reassuringly as he walked toward the dining room and left +Elkan a prey to most uncomfortable reflections, which did not abate when +he overheard Klinger and Sammet hail Gans at the end of the veranda. + +"Well, Mr. Gans," Klinger said with a sidelong glance at Elkan, "what +are you going to eat to-night--brown stewed fish sweet _und_ sour?" + +Elkan could not distinguish B. Gans' reply, but he scowled fiercely at +the trio as they entered the hotel lobby, and he still frowned as he +sauntered stolidly after them to await Yetta in the social hall. + +"What's the matter, Mr. Lubliner," the room clerk asked when Elkan +passed the desk. "Aren't you feeling well to-day?" + +"I feel all right, Mr. Williams," Elkan replied, "but this here place is +getting on my nerves. It's too much like a big hotel out on the road +somewheres. Everybody looks like they would got something to sell, +understand me, and was doing their level best to sell it." + +"You're quite right, Mr. Lubliner," the clerk commented, "and that's the +reason why I came down here. In fact," he added with a guilty smile, "I +made a date to show some of my lots to-morrow to a prospective +customer." + +At this juncture a porter appeared bearing a basket of champagne and +followed by two waiters with ice buckets, and the room clerk jerked his +head sideways in the direction toward which the little procession had +disappeared. + +"That's for Suite 27, the Feldmans' rooms," he explained. "Miss Feldman +is giving a little chafing-dish dinner there to Mr. Scharley and a few +friends." + +He accepted with a graceful nod Elkan's proffered cigar. + +"Which goes to show that it's as you say, Mr. Lubliner," he concluded. +"If you have drygoods, real estate or marriageable relatives to dispose +of, Mr. Lubliner, Egremont's the place to market them." + + * * * * * + +"Yes, Mr. Williams," said Jacob Scharley at two o'clock the following +afternoon as they trudged along the sands of Bognor Park, one of +Egremont Beach's new developments, "I was trying to figure out how these +here Chinese Lantern Dinners stands in a sucker like Leon Sammet twenty +dollars a head, when by the regular bill of fare it comes exactly to +seven dollars and fifty cents including drinks." + +"You can't figure on a special dinner according to the prices on the +regular bill of fare," said Mr. Williams, the room clerk, who in +his quality of real-estate operator was attempting to shift the +conversation from hotel matters to the topic of seaside lots. "Why, ice +cream is twenty-five cents on the bill of fare, but at one of those +dinners it's served in imitation Chinese lanterns, which makes it worth +double at least." + +"For my part," Scharley broke in, "they could serve it in kerosene +lamps, Mr. Williams, because I never touch the stuff." + +"It's a parallel case to lots here and lots on Mizzentop Beach, which is +the next beach below," Williams continued. "Here we have a boardwalk +extending right down to our property, and we are getting seven hundred +and fifty dollars a lot, while there, with practically the same transit +facilities but no boardwalk or electric lights, they get only four +hundred and----" + +"_Aber_ you take a piece of tenderloin steak a half an inch thick and +about the size of a price ticket, understand me," Scharley interrupted, +"and even if you _would_ fix it up with half a cent's worth of peas and +spill on it a bottle cough medicine and glue, _verstehst du mich_, how +could you make it figure up more as a dollar and a quarter, Mr. +Williams? Then the clams, Mr. Williams, must got to have inside of 'em +at the very least a half a karat pink pearl in 'em, otherwise +thirty-five cents would be big yet." + +"Very likely," Mr. Williams agreed as a shade of annoyance passed over +his well modelled features, "but just now, Mr. Scharley, I'm anxious to +show you the advantage of these lots of ours, and you won't mind if I +don't pursue the topic of Chinese Lantern Dinners any farther." + +"I'm only too glad not to talk about it at all," Scharley agreed. "In +fact if any one else tries to ring in another one of them dinners on me, +Mr. Williams, I'll turn him down on the spot. Shaving-dish parties +neither, which I assure you, Mr. Williams, even if Miss Feldman would be +an elegant, refined young lady, understand me, she fixes something in +that shaving dish of hers last night, understand me, which I thought I +was poisoned already." + +Williams deemed it best to ignore this observation and therefore made no +comment. + +"But anyhow," Scharley concluded as they approached a little wooden +shack on the margin of the water, "I'm sick and tired of things to eat, +so let's talk about something else." + +Having delivered this ultimatum, his footsteps lagged and he stopped +short as he began to sniff the air like a hunting dog. + +"M-m-m-m!" he exclaimed. "What _is_ that?" + +"That's a two-room shed we rent for twenty dollars a month," Williams +explained. "We have eight of them and they help considerably to pay our +office rent over in New York." + +"Sure I know," Scharley agreed, "_aber_, m-m-m-m!" + +Once more he expanded his nostrils to catch a delicious fragrance that +emanated from the little shack. + +"_Aber_, who lives there?" he insisted, and Mr. Williams could not +restrain a laugh. + +"Why, it's that old lady with the wig that Lubliner brought over to the +hotel the other night," he replied. "I thought I saw Sol Klinger telling +you about it yesterday." + +"He started to tell me something about it," Scharley said, "when Barney +Gans butted in and wouldn't let him. What _was_ it about this here old +lady?" + +"There isn't anything to it particularly," Williams replied, "excepting +that it seemed a little strange to see an old lady in a shawl and one of +those religious wigs in the Hanging Gardens, and there was something +else Klinger told me about Mrs. Lubliner and the old lady talking about +brown stewed fish sweet and----" + +At this juncture Scharley snapped his fingers excitedly. + +"Brown stewed fish sweet and sour!" he almost shouted. "I ain't smelled +it since I was a boy already." + +He wagged his head and again murmured, "M-m-m-m-m!" + +Suddenly he received an inspiration. + +"How much did you say them shanties rents for, Mr. Williams?" he said. + +"Twenty dollars a month," Williams replied. + +"You don't tell me!" Scharley exclaimed solemnly. "I wonder if I could +give a look at the inside of one of 'em--this one here, for instance." + +"I don't think there'd be any objection," Williams said, and no sooner +were the words out of his mouth than Scharley started off on a half trot +for the miniature veranda on the ocean side of the little house. + +"Perhaps I'd better inquire first if it's convenient for them to let us +in now," Williams said, as he bounded after his prospective customer and +knocked gently on the doorjamb. There was a sound of scurrying feet +within, and at length the door was opened a few inches and the bewigged +head of Mrs. Lesengeld appeared in the crack. + +"_Nu_," she said, "what _is_ it?" + +"I represent the Bognor Park Company," Williams replied, "and if it's +perfectly convenient for you, Mrs.----" + +"Lesengeld," she added. + +"Used to was Lesengeld & Schein in the pants business?" Scharley asked, +and Mrs. Lesengeld nodded. + +"Why, Lesengeld and me was lodge brothers together in the I. O. M. A. +before I went out to the Pacific Coast years ago already," Scharley +declared. "I guess he's often spoken to you about Jake Scharley, ain't +it?" + +"Maybe he did, Mr. Scharley, _aber_ he's dead _schon_ two years since +already," Mrs. Lesengeld said, and then added the pious hope, "_olav +hasholom_." + +"You don't say so," Scharley cried in shocked accents. "Why, he wasn't +no older as me already." + +"Fifty-three when he died," Mrs. Lesengeld said. "Quick diabetes, Mr. +Scharley. Wouldn't you step inside?" + +Scharley and Williams passed into the front room, which was used as a +living room and presented an appearance of remarkable neatness and +order. In the corner stood an oil stove on which two saucepans bubbled +and steamed, and as Mrs. Lesengeld turned to follow her visitors one of +the saucepans boiled over. + +"Oo-ee!" she exclaimed. "_Mein fisch._" + +"Go ahead and tend to it," Scharley cried excitedly; "don't mind us. It +might get burned already." + +He watched her anxiously while she turned down the flame. + +"Brown stewed fish sweet and sour, ain't it?" he asked, and Mrs. +Lesengeld nodded as she lowered the flame to just the proper height. + +"I _thought_ it was," Scharley continued. "I ain't smelled it in forty +years already. My poor mother, _olav hasholom_, used to fix it something +elegant." + +He heaved a sigh as he sat down on a nearby campstool. + +"This smells just like it," he added. In front of the window a table +had been placed, spread with a spotless white cloth and laid for two +persons, and Scharley glanced at it hastily and turned his head away. + +"Forty years ago come next _Shevuos_ I ain't tasted it already," he +concluded. + +Mrs. Lesengeld coloured slightly and clutched at her apron in an agony +of embarrassment. + +"The fact is we only got three knives and forks," she said, "otherwise +there is plenty fish for everybody." + +"Why, we just had our lunch at the hotel before we started," Mr. +Williams said. + +"_You_ did," Scharley corrected him reproachfully, "_aber_ I ain't +hardly touched a thing since last night. That shaving-dish party pretty +near killed me, already." + +"Well, then, we got just enough knives and forks," Mrs. Lesengeld cried. +"Do you like maybe also _Bortch_, Mr. Scharley?" + +"_Bortch!_" Mr. Scharley exclaimed, and his voice trembled with +excitement. "Do you mean a sort of soup _mit_ beets and--and--all that?" + +"That's it," Mrs. Lesengeld replied, and Scharley nodded his head +slowly. + +"Mrs. Lesengeld," he said, "would you believe me, it's so long since I +tasted that stuff I didn't remember such a thing exists even." + +"And do you like it?" Mrs. Lesengeld repeated. + +"Do I _like_ it!" Scharley cried. "_Um Gottes Willen_, Mrs. Lesengeld, I +_love_ it." + +"Then sit right down," she said heartily. "Everything is ready." + +"If you don't mind, Mr. Scharley," Williams interrupted, "I'll wait for +you at the office of the company. It's only a couple of hundred yards +down the beach." + +"Go as far as you like, Mr. Williams," Scharley said as he tucked a +napkin between his collar and chin. "I'll be there when I get through." + +After Mrs. Lesengeld had ushered out Mr. Williams, she proceeded to the +door of the rear room and knocked vigorously. + +"Don't be foolish, Yetta, and come on out," she called. "It ain't nobody +but an old friend of my husband's." + +A moment later Yetta entered the room, and Scharley scrambled to his +feet, a knife grasped firmly in one hand, and bobbed his head cordially. + +"Pleased to meetcher," he said. + +"This is Mrs. Lubliner, Mr. Scharley," Mrs. Lesengeld said. + +"Don't make no difference, Mrs. Lesengeld," Scharley assured her, "any +friend of yours is a friend of mine, so you should sit right down, Mrs. +Lubliner, on account we are all ready to begin." + +Then followed a moment of breathless silence while Mrs. Lesengeld dished +up the beetroot soup, and when she placed a steaming bowlful in front +of Scharley he immediately plunged his spoon into it. A moment later he +lifted his eyes to the ceiling. + +"Oo-ee!" he exclaimed. "What an elegant soup!" + +Mrs. Lesengeld blushed, and after the fashion of a _cordon bleu_ the +world over, she began to decry her own handiwork. + +"It should ought to got just a _Bisschen_ more pepper into it," she +murmured. + +"_Oser a Stueck_," Scharley declared solemnly, as he consumed the +contents of his bowl in great gurgling inhalations. "There's only one +thing I got to say against it." + +He scraped his bowl clean and handed it to Mrs. Lesengeld. + +"And that is," he concluded, "that it makes me eat so much of it, +understand me, I'm scared I wouldn't got no room for the brown stewed +fish." + +Again he emptied the bowl, and at last the moment arrived when the brown +stewed fish smoked upon the table. Mrs. Lesengeld helped Scharley to a +heaping plateful, and both she and Yetta watched him intently, as with +the deftness of a Japanese juggler he balanced approximately a half +pound of the succulent fish on the end of his fork. For nearly a minute +he blew on it, and when it reached an edible temperature he opened wide +his mouth and thrust the fork load home. Slowly and with great smacking +of his moist lips he chewed away, and then his eyes closed and he laid +down his knife and fork. + +"_Gan-eden!_" he declared as he reached across the table and shook hands +with Mrs. Lesengeld. + +"Mrs. Lesengeld," he said, "my mother _olav hasholom_ was a good _cook_, +understand me, _aber_ you are a _good cook_, Mrs. Lesengeld, and that's +all there is to it." + +Forthwith he resumed his knife and fork, and with only two pauses for +the necessary replenishments, he polished off three platefuls of the +fish, after which he heaved a great sigh of contentment, and as a +prelude to conversation he lit one of B. Gans' choicest cigars. + +"There's some dessert coming," Mrs. Lesengeld said. + +"Dessert after this, Mrs. Lesengeld," he replied, through clouds of +contented smoke, "would be a sacrilege, ain't it?" + +"That's something I couldn't make at all," Mrs. Lesengeld admitted. "All +I got it here is some _frimsel kugel_." + +"_Frimsel kugel!_" Scharley exclaimed, laying down his cigar. "Why ain't +you told me that before?" + +A quarter of an hour later he again lighted his cigar, and this time he +settled back in his campstool for conversation, while Mrs. Lesengeld +busied herself about the oil stove. Instantly, however, he straightened +up as another and more delicious odour assailed his nostrils, for Mrs. +Lesengeld made coffee by a mysterious process, that conserved in the +flavour of the decoction the delicious fragrance of the freshly ground +bean. + +"And are you staying down here with Mrs. Lesengeld?" Scharley asked +Yetta after he had finished his third cup. + +"In this little place here?" Mrs. Lesengeld cried indignantly. "Well, I +should say not. She's stopping at the Salisbury, ain't you, Yetta?" + +Yetta nodded and sighed. + +"It ain't so comfortable as here," she said. + +"I bet yer," Scharley added fervently. "I am stopping there too, and +them Chinese Lantern Dinners which they are putting up!" + +He waved his hand eloquently. + +"Poison ain't no word for it, Missus Er----" he concluded lamely as he +tried to remember Yetta's name, which after so much soup, fish and +coffee had completely escaped him. + +"Lubliner," Yetta said. "I guess you know my husband, Mr. Scharley, +Elkan Lubliner of Polatkin, Scheikowitz & Company." + +Scharley struck the table with his open hand. + +"Zoitenly, I do," he cried. "Why, he is the feller which Sol Klinger is +telling me about." + +Yetta coloured slightly and bit her lips. + +"What did he tell you about him?" she asked. + +"Why," Scharley said, drawing vigorously on his imagination, "he says to +me what a bright young feller he is and----" + +Here he reflected that in a highly competitive trade like the cloak and +suit business this statement sounded a trifle exaggerated. + +"And," he went on hurriedly, "he told me how he saw you and him with +Mrs. Lesengeld up at the hotel the other evening, and I says, 'What,' I +says, 'you don't mean Mrs. Lesengeld whose husband used to was in the +pants business?' and he said he didn't know, 'because,' I says, 'if +that's the same party,' I says, 'I would like for her to come up to the +hotel and take dinner with me some time,' I says." + +He smiled cordially at Mrs. Lesengeld. + +"And I hope you will," he concluded earnestly, "to-morrow night sure." + +Mrs. Lesengeld shook her head. + +"I ain't fixed to go to no swell hotel," she demurred. "I ain't got no +clothes nor nothing." + +"What do you care about clothes, Mrs. Lesengeld?" Scharley protested. + +"And besides," Yetta said with sudden inspiration, "we could get up a +little chafing-dish dinner in our room, ain't it?" + +"For that matter we could do it in my room," Scharley cried, as there +sounded a vigorous knocking on the outside of the door leading to the +veranda, and a moment later Williams entered. + +"Excuse me, Mr. Scharley," he said, "but I have to be getting back to +the hotel and if you're quite through we'll go and look at that map of +the lots down in the office." + +Scharley waved his hand airily. + +"Sit down, Mr. Williams," he said, "and drink the cup of coffee of your +life." + +He handed the room clerk a cigar. + +"I could promise you one thing, Mr. Williams," he went on, "I got a +great idee of buying some lots here and building a little house on 'em, +_gemuetlich_ just like this, and if I do, Williams, I would take them +lots from you for certain sure. Only one thing, Williams, I want you to +do me for a favour." + +He paused and puffed carefully on his cigar. + +"I want you to pick me out a couple good vacant rooms on the top floor +of the Salisbury for Saturday night," he said, "where I could give a +shaving-dish party, so if any of the guests of the hotel objects, +understand me, they wouldn't get the smell of the _Bortch_, coffee, and +brown stewed fish sweet and sour." + + * * * * * + +On the following Wednesday afternoon Elkan sat at his desk, while Marcus +Polatkin and Philip Scheikowitz leaned over his left shoulder and right +shoulder respectively, and watched carefully the result of a pencilled +addition which Elkan was making. + +"With them crepe meteors," Elkan said at last, "Scharley's order comes +to four thousand three hundred dollars." + +Polatkin and Scheikowitz nodded in unison. + +"It ain't bad for a start," Scheikowitz volunteered as he sat down and +lit a cigar. + +"For a finish, neither," Polatkin added, "so far as that's concerned." + +Elkan wheeled round in his chair and grinned delightedly. + +"And you ought to seen Sol Klinger when we walked into the Hanging +Gardens," he said. "He got white like a sheet. It tickled Scharley to +death, and he went right to work and put his arm through Mrs. +Lesengeld's arm and took her right down to the middle table, like she +would be a queen already." + +"Sure," Scheikowitz agreed, "what does a real merchant like Scharley +care if she would wear a _sheitel oder_ not, so long as she is a lady +already." + +Elkan's grin spread until it threatened to engulf his ears. + +"She didn't wear no _sheitel_," he said. + +"What!" Scheikowitz cried. "I didn't think a religious woman like Mrs. +Lesengeld would take off her _sheitel_ at _her_ time of life." + +"What d'ye mean _her_ time of life?" Elkan cried indignantly. "Friday +afternoon yet before Yetta went home from her place there at Bognor +Park, Mrs. Lesengeld says to her that a widder don't got to wear no +_sheitel_ if she don't want to, which if you think, Mr. Scheikowitz, +that fifty-three is a time of life, understand me, I think differencely, +especially when I seen her with her hair all fixed up on Saturday +night." + +"Who fixed it?" Marcus Polatkin asked, and Elkan grinned again. + +"Who d'ye suppose?" he replied. "Why, her and Yetta spent pretty near an +hour up in our room before they got through, and I tell yer with the way +they turned up the hem and fixed the sleeves of one of Yetta's black +dresses, it fitted her like it would be made for her." + +"And did she look good in it?" Scheikowitz inquired. + +"Did she look good in it!" Elkan exclaimed. "Well, you can just bet your +life, Mr. Polatkin, that there Hortense Feldman wasn't one, two, six +with her. In fact, Mr. Polatkin, you would take your oath already that +there wasn't two years between 'em. I had a good chance to compare 'em +on account when we went down to the Hanging Gardens, understand me, Miss +Feldman sits at the next table already." + +Polatkin smiled broadly. + +"She must have had a big _Schreck_," he commented. "Why, B. Gans told me +last Saturday that Henry D. Feldman thinks that he's going to fix the +whole thing up between her and Scharley." + +"I guess he ain't got that idee no longer," Elkan declared, "because +everybody in Egremont knows Scharley was down visiting Mrs. Lesengeld +over Sunday, and takes her and her daughter Fannie and Fannie's husband +out oitermobiling." + +"You don't tell me?" Scheikowitz exclaimed. + +"Furthermore, on Monday," Elkan continued, "he goes down there to dinner +with me and Yetta, and Mrs. Lesengeld cooks some _Tebeches_ which fairly +melts in your mouth already." + +He smacked his lips over the recollection. + +"Yesterday, as you know," he went on, "I took Scharley and Mrs. +Lesengeld over to Coney Island in an oitermobile and to-night yet we are +all going sailing on Egremont Bay." + +Polatkin rose to his feet and shrugged his shoulders. + +"Well," he said, "why not? They're about the same age." + +"He's two years older as she is," Elkan declared, "and I bet yer they +wouldn't lose no time. It'll be next fall sure." + + * * * * * + +One busy morning three months later Elkan ripped open a heavy cream-laid +envelope and drew out the following announcement, engraved in shaded +old English type: + + =Mrs. Fannie Stubin= + =has the honor of announcing the marriage= + =of her mother= + + =Mrs. Sarah Lesengeld= + =to= + =Mr. Jacob Scharley= + + =On Tuesday the first of October= + =at San Francisco, California= + +"And what are we going to send them for a present?" Polatkin asked. + +Elkan smiled serenely. + +"A solid silver chafing dish," he replied without hesitation, "at the +very least, big enough to hold five pounds of brown stewed fish sweet +and sour." + + +THE END + + + + +[Illustration: Printer's Mark] + +THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS +GARDEN CITY, N. Y. + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Transcriber's Notes: | + | | + | The 1912 edition of this text contains numerous words and phrases | + | with variant spellings. For the most part these variations have | + | been retained to maintain the flavor of the original text, and | + | only obvious spelling and puncuation errors have been corrected, | + | as detailed below. A few changes have also been made with | + | formatting of punctuation for text consistency. | + | | + | The name of character Kent J. Goldenfein, who is introduced on | + | pages 142-145, changes on page 210 to Kent J. "Goldstein" and | + | subsequently remains "Goldstein" for the remainder of the story. | + | This inconsistency has been retained to match the 1912 text. | + | | + | | + | Typographical Corrections: | + | | + | Page 4. Added close-quotes. ("... Yosel to come to America.") | + | | + | Page 10. Removed close-quotes. (threshold of the cutting room.) | + | | + | Page 14. Changed question mark to comma. ("He is in Minsk," said | + | young Borrochson.) | + | | + | Page 27. Changed "de,manded" to "demanded". (Philip demanded.) | + | | + | Page 27. Changed "jerred" to "jeered". (Philip jeered.) | + | | + | Page 37. Removed close-quotes. (Polatkin rose to his feet.) | + | | + | Page 50. Added period. (the tops of her powdered cheeks.) | + | | + | Page 64. Changed "Scheikowizt" to "Scheikowitz". (Scheikowitz | + | protested.) | + | | + | Page 87. Changed "Sheikowitz" to "Scheikowitz". ("... Mr. | + | Scheikowitz, so sure as I am sitting here....") | + | | + | Page 91. Added open-quotes. ("I suppose, Elkan, you are | + | wondering....") | + | | + | Page 92. Changed "Poltakin" to "Polatkin". ("... Flixman's store?" | + | Polatkin asked.) | + | | + | Page 97. Changed "Mr" to "Mr." ("... right buying idee, Mr. | + | Kapfer....") | + | | + | Page 152. Removed close-quotes. (begun at dinner that evening.) | + | | + | Page 153. Added close-quotes. ("... oder Schwefel & Zucker.") | + | | + | Page 153. Changed "Kolbin's" to "Koblin's". (Max Koblin's house) | + | | + | Page 182. Removed end-quotes. (to make further inquiries.) | + | | + | Page 199. Added close-quotes. ("What time do you eat dinner?") | + | | + | Page 225. Changed "tansactions" to "transactions". (all | + | real-estate transactions involving) | + | | + | Page 241. Added close-quotes. ("... the other fellow's case.") | + | | + | Page 263. Added period. ("... makes up his mind yet.") | + | | + | Page 279. Added period. (his high, piping voice.) | + | | + | Page 281. Added comma. ("If we didn't," he continued....) | + | | + | Page 294. Added close-quotes. ("... for a couple of months.") | + | | + | Page 295. Changed "deprecatio" to "deprecation." (gesture of | + | deprecation.) | + | | + | Page 312. Corrected open-quotes. ("Brown stewed fish....") | + | | + | Page 317. Added close-quotes. ("... Scheikowitz & Company.") | + | | + | Page 320. Added close-quotes. ("... three hundred dollars.") | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------------+ + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Elkan Lubliner, American, by Montague Glass + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ELKAN LUBLINER, AMERICAN *** + +***** This file should be named 27423.txt or 27423.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/4/2/27423/ + +Produced by C. St. Charleskindt, Suzanne Shell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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