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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/27411-8.txt b/27411-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f6a598 --- /dev/null +++ b/27411-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7103 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The House with the Mezzanine and Other +Stories, by Anton Tchekoff + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The House with the Mezzanine and Other Stories + +Author: Anton Tchekoff + +Translator: S.S. Koteliansky + Gilbert Cannan + +Release Date: December 4, 2008 [EBook #27411] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was +produced from scanned images of public domain material +from the Google Print project.) + + + + + + + + + + +THE HOUSE + +WITH THE MEZZANINE + +AND OTHER STORIES + +BY + +ANTON TCHEKOFF + +TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN BY + +S. S. KOTELIANSKY +AND +GILBERT CANNAN + +NEW YORK +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS +1917 + +COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +Published August, 1917 + + + + +CONTENTS + + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE + +TYPHUS + +GOOSEBERRIES + +IN EXILE + +THE LADY WITH THE TOY DOG + +GOUSSIEV + +MY LIFE + + + + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE + +(A PAINTER'S STORY) + + +It happened nigh on seven years ago, when I was living in one of the +districts of the J. province, on the estate of Bielokurov, a landowner, +a young man who used to get up early, dress himself in a long overcoat, +drink beer in the evenings, and all the while complain to me that he +could nowhere find any one in sympathy with his ideas. He lived in a +little house in the orchard, and I lived in the old manor-house, in a +huge pillared hall where there was no furniture except a large divan, on +which I slept, and a table at which I used to play patience. Even in +calm weather there was always a moaning in the chimney, and in a storm +the whole house would rock and seem as though it must split, and it was +quite terrifying, especially at night, when all the ten great windows +were suddenly lit up by a flash of lightning. + +Doomed by fate to permanent idleness, I did positively nothing. For +hours together I would sit and look through the windows at the sky, the +birds, the trees and read my letters over and over again, and then for +hours together I would sleep. Sometimes I would go out and wander +aimlessly until evening. + +Once on my way home I came unexpectedly on a strange farmhouse. The sun +was already setting, and the lengthening shadows were thrown over the +ripening corn. Two rows of closely planted tall fir-trees stood like two +thick walls, forming a sombre, magnificent avenue. I climbed the fence +and walked up the avenue, slipping on the fir needles which lay two +inches thick on the ground. It was still, dark, and only here and there +in the tops of the trees shimmered a bright gold light casting the +colours of the rainbow on a spider's web. The smell of the firs was +almost suffocating. Then I turned into an avenue of limes. And here too +were desolation and decay; the dead leaves rustled mournfully beneath my +feet, and there were lurking shadows among the trees. To the right, in +an old orchard, a goldhammer sang a faint reluctant song, and he too +must have been old. The lime-trees soon came to an end and I came to a +white house with a terrace and a mezzanine, and suddenly a vista opened +upon a farmyard with a pond and a bathing-shed, and a row of green +willows, with a village beyond, and above it stood a tall, slender +belfry, on which glowed a cross catching the light of the setting sun. +For a moment I was possessed with a sense of enchantment, intimate, +particular, as though I had seen the scene before in my childhood. + +By the white-stone gate surmounted with stone lions, which led from the +yard into the field, stood two girls. One of them, the elder, thin, +pale, very handsome, with masses of chestnut hair and a little stubborn +mouth, looked rather prim and scarcely glanced at me; the other, who was +quite young--seventeen or eighteen, no more, also thin and pale, with a +big mouth and big eyes, looked at me in surprise, as I passed, said +something in English and looked confused, and it seemed to me that I had +always known their dear faces. And I returned home feeling as though I +had awoke from a pleasant dream. + +Soon after that, one afternoon, when Bielokurov and I were walking near +the house, suddenly there came into the yard a spring-carriage in which +sat one of the two girls, the elder. She had come to ask for +subscriptions to a fund for those who had suffered in a recent fire. +Without looking at us, she told us very seriously how many houses had +been burned down in Sianov, how many men, women, and children had been +left without shelter, and what had been done by the committee of which +she was a member. She gave us the list for us to write our names, put it +away, and began to say good-bye. + +"You have completely forgotten us, Piotr Petrovich," she said to +Bielokurov, as she gave him her hand. "Come and see us, and if Mr. N. +(she said my name) would like to see how the admirers of his talent live +and would care to come and see us, then mother and I would be very +pleased." + +I bowed. + +When she had gone Piotr Petrovich began to tell me about her. The girl, +he said, was of a good family and her name was Lydia Volchaninov, and +the estate, on which she lived with her mother and sister, was called, +like the village on the other side of the pond, Sholkovka. Her father +had once occupied an eminent position in Moscow and died a privy +councillor. Notwithstanding their large means, the Volchaninovs always +lived in the village, summer and winter, and Lydia was a teacher in the +Zemstvo School at Sholkovka and earned twenty-five roubles a month. She +only spent what she earned on herself and was proud of her independence. + +"They are an interesting family," said Bielokurov. "We ought to go and +see them. They will be very glad to see you." + +One afternoon, during a holiday, we remembered the Volchaninovs and went +over to Sholkovka. They were all at home. The mother, Ekaterina +Pavlovna, had obviously once been handsome, but now she was stouter +than her age warranted, suffered from asthma, was melancholy and +absent-minded as she tried to entertain me with talk about painting. +When she heard from her daughter that I might perhaps come over to +Sholkovka, she hurriedly called to mind a few of my landscapes which she +had seen in exhibitions in Moscow, and now she asked what I had tried to +express in them. Lydia, or as she was called at home, Lyda, talked more +to Bielokurov than to me. Seriously and without a smile, she asked him +why he did not work for the Zemstvo and why up till now he had never +been to a Zemstvo meeting. + +"It is not right of you, Piotr Petrovich," she said reproachfully. "It +is not right. It is a shame." + +"True, Lyda, true," said her mother. "It is not right." + +"All our district is in Balaguin's hands," Lyda went on, turning to me. +"He is the chairman of the council and all the jobs in the district are +given to his nephews and brothers-in-law, and he does exactly as he +likes. We ought to fight him. The young people ought to form a strong +party; but you see what our young men are like. It is a shame, Piotr +Petrovich." + +The younger sister, Genya, was silent during the conversation about the +Zemstvo. She did not take part in serious conversations, for by the +family she was not considered grown-up, and they gave her her baby-name, +Missyuss, because as a child she used to call her English governess +that. All the time she examined me curiously and when I looked at the +photograph-album she explained: "This is my uncle.... That is my +godfather," and fingered the portraits, and at the same time touched me +with her shoulder in a childlike way, and I could see her small, +undeveloped bosom, her thin shoulders, her long, slim waist tightly +drawn in by a belt. + +We played croquet and lawn-tennis, walked in the garden, had tea, and +then a large supper. After the huge pillared hall, I felt out of tune in +the small cosy house, where there were no oleographs on the walls and +the servants were treated considerately, and everything seemed to me +young and pure, through the presence of Lyda and Missyuss, and +everything was decent and orderly. At supper Lyda again talked to +Bielokurov about the Zemstvo, about Balaguin, about school libraries. +She was a lively, sincere, serious girl, and it was interesting to +listen to her, though she spoke at length and in a loud voice--perhaps +because she was used to holding forth at school. On the other hand, +Piotr Petrovich, who from his university days had retained the habit of +reducing any conversation to a discussion, spoke tediously, slowly, and +deliberately, with an obvious desire to be taken for a clever and +progressive man. He gesticulated and upset the sauce with his sleeve and +it made a large pool on the table-cloth, though nobody but myself seemed +to notice it. + +When we returned home the night was dark and still. + +"I call it good breeding," said Bielokurov, with a sigh, "not so much +not to upset the sauce on the table, as not to notice it when some one +else has done it. Yes. An admirable intellectual family. I'm rather out +of touch with nice people. Ah! terribly. And all through business, +business, business!" + +He went on to say what hard work being a good farmer meant. And I +thought: What a stupid, lazy lout! When we talked seriously he would +drag it out with his awful drawl--er, er, er--and he works just as he +talks--slowly, always behindhand, never up to time; and as for his being +businesslike, I don't believe it, for he often keeps letters given him +to post for weeks in his pocket. + +"The worst of it is," he murmured as he walked along by my side, "the +worst of it is that you go working away and never get any sympathy from +anybody." + + +II + +I began to frequent the Volchaninovs' house. Usually I sat on the bottom +step of the veranda. I was filled with dissatisfaction, vague discontent +with my life, which had passed so quickly and uninterestingly, and I +thought all the while how good it would be to tear out of my breast my +heart which had grown so weary. There would be talk going on on the +terrace, the rustling of dresses, the fluttering of the pages of a +book. I soon got used to Lyda receiving the sick all day long, and +distributing books, and I used often to go with her to the village, +bareheaded, under an umbrella. And in the evening she would hold forth +about the Zemstvo and schools. She was very handsome, subtle, correct, +and her lips were thin and sensitive, and whenever a serious +conversation started she would say to me drily: + +"This won't interest you." + +I was not sympathetic to her. She did not like me because I was a +landscape-painter, and in my pictures did not paint the suffering of the +masses, and I seemed to her indifferent to what she believed in. I +remember once driving along the shore of the Baikal and I met a Bouryat +girl, in shirt and trousers of Chinese cotton, on horseback: I asked her +if she would sell me her pipe and, while we were talking, she looked +with scorn at my European face and hat, and in a moment she got bored +with talking to me, whooped and galloped away. And in exactly the same +way Lyda despised me as a stranger. Outwardly she never showed her +dislike of me, but I felt it, and, as I sat on the bottom step of the +terrace, I had a certain irritation and said that treating the peasants +without being a doctor meant deceiving them, and that it is easy to be +a benefactor when one owns four thousand acres. + +Her sister, Missyuss, had no such cares and spent her time in complete +idleness, like myself. As soon as she got up in the morning she would +take a book and read it on the terrace, sitting far back in a lounge +chair so that her feet hardly touched the ground, or she would hide +herself with her book in the lime-walk, or she would go through the gate +into the field. She would read all day long, eagerly poring over the +book, and only through her looking fatigued, dizzy, and pale sometimes, +was it possible to guess how much her reading exhausted her. When she +saw me come she would blush a little and leave her book, and, looking +into my face with her big eyes, she would tell me of things that had +happened, how the chimney in the servants' room had caught fire, or how +the labourer had caught a large fish in the pond. On week-days she +usually wore a bright-coloured blouse and a dark-blue skirt. We used to +go out together and pluck cherries for jam, in the boat, and when she +jumped to reach a cherry, or pulled the oars, her thin, round arms would +shine through her wide sleeves. Or I would make a sketch and she would +stand and watch me breathlessly. + +One Sunday, at the end of June, I went over to the Volchaninovs in the +morning about nine o'clock. I walked through the park, avoiding the +house, looking for mushrooms, which were very plentiful that summer, +and marking them so as to pick them later with Genya. A warm wind was +blowing. I met Genya and her mother, both in bright Sunday dresses, +going home from church, and Genya was holding her hat against the wind. +They told me they were going to have tea on the terrace. + +As a man without a care in the world, seeking somehow to justify his +constant idleness, I have always found such festive mornings in a +country house universally attractive. When the green garden, still moist +with dew, shines in the sun and seems happy, and when the terrace smells +of mignonette and oleander, and the young people have just returned from +church and drink tea in the garden, and when they are all so gaily +dressed and so merry, and when you know that all these healthy, +satisfied, beautiful people will do nothing all day long, then you long +for all life to be like that. So I thought then as I walked through the +garden, quite prepared to drift like that without occupation or purpose, +all through the day, all through the summer. + +Genya carried a basket and she looked as though she knew that she would +find me there. We gathered mushrooms and talked, and whenever she asked +me a question she stood in front of me to see my face. + +"Yesterday," she said, "a miracle happened in our village. Pelagueya, +the cripple, has been ill for a whole year, and no doctors or medicines +were any good, but yesterday an old woman muttered over her and she got +better." + +"That's nothing," I said. "One should not go to sick people and old +women for miracles. Is not health a miracle? And life itself? A miracle +is something incomprehensible." + +"And you are not afraid of the incomprehensible?" + +"No. I like to face things I do not understand and I do not submit to +them. I am superior to them. Man must think himself higher than lions, +tigers, stars, higher than anything in nature, even higher than that +which seems incomprehensible and miraculous. Otherwise he is not a man, +but a mouse which is afraid of everything." + +Genya thought that I, as an artist, knew a great deal and could guess +what I did not know. She wanted me to lead her into the region of the +eternal and the beautiful, into the highest world, with which, as she +thought, I was perfectly familiar, and she talked to me of God, of +eternal life, of the miraculous. And I, who did not admit that I and my +imagination would perish for ever, would reply: "Yes. Men are immortal. +Yes, eternal life awaits us." And she would listen and believe me and +never asked for proof. + +As we approached the house she suddenly stopped and said: + +"Our Lyda is a remarkable person, isn't she? I love her dearly and would +gladly sacrifice my life for her at any time. But tell me"--Genya +touched my sleeve with her finger--"but tell me, why do you argue with +her all the time? Why are you so irritated?" + +"Because she is not right." + +Genya shook her head and tears came to her eyes. + +"How incomprehensible!" she muttered. + +At that moment Lyda came out, and she stood by the balcony with a +riding-whip in her hand, and looked very fine and pretty in the +sunlight as she gave some orders to a farm-hand. Bustling about and +talking loudly, she tended two or three of her patients, and then with a +businesslike, preoccupied look she walked through the house, opening one +cupboard after another, and at last went off to the attic; it took some +time to find her for dinner and she did not come until we had finished +the soup. Somehow I remember all these, little details and love to dwell +on them, and I remember the whole of that day vividly, though nothing +particular happened. After dinner Genya read, lying in her lounge chair, +and I sat on the bottom step of the terrace. We were silent. The sky was +overcast and a thin fine rain began to fall. It was hot, the wind had +dropped, and it seemed the day would never end. Ekaterina Pavlovna came +out on to the terrace with a fan, looking very sleepy. + +"O, mamma," said Genya, kissing her hand. "It is not good for you to +sleep during the day." + +They adored each other. When one went into the garden, the other would +stand on the terrace and look at the trees and call: "Hello!" "Genya!" +or "Mamma, dear, where are you?" They always prayed together and shared +the same faith, and they understood each other very well, even when they +were silent. And they treated other people in exactly the same way. +Ekaterina Pavlovna also soon got used to me and became attached to me, +and when I did not turn up for a few days she would send to inquire if I +was well. And she too used to look admiringly at my sketches, and with +the same frank loquacity she would tell me things that happened, and she +would confide her domestic secrets to me. + +She revered her elder daughter. Lyda never came to her for caresses, and +only talked about serious things: she went her own way and to her mother +and sister she was as sacred and enigmatic as the admiral, sitting in +his cabin, to his sailors. + +"Our Lyda is a remarkable person," her mother would often say; "isn't +she?" + +And, now, as the soft rain fell, we spoke of Lyda: + +"She is a remarkable woman," said her mother, and added in a low voice +like a conspirator's as she looked round, "such as she have to be looked +for with a lamp in broad daylight, though you know, I am beginning to be +anxious. The school, pharmacies, books--all very well, but why go to +such extremes? She is twenty-three and it is time for her to think +seriously about herself. If she goes on with her books and her +pharmacies she won't know how life has passed.... She ought to marry." + +Genya, pale with reading, and with her hair ruffled, looked up and said, +as if to herself, as she glanced at her mother: + +"Mamma, dear, everything depends on the will of God." + +And once more she plunged into her book. + +Bielokurov came over in a _poddiovka_, wearing an embroidered shirt. We +played croquet and lawn-tennis, and when it grew dark we had a long +supper, and Lyda once more spoke of her schools and Balaguin, who had +got the whole district into his own hands. As I left the Volchaninovs +that night I carried away an impression of a long, long idle day, with a +sad consciousness that everything ends, however long it may be. Genya +took me to the gate, and perhaps, because she had spent the whole day +with me from the beginning to end, I felt somehow lonely without her, +and the whole kindly family was dear to me: and for the first time +during the whole of that summer I had a desire to work. + +"Tell me why you lead such a monotonous life," I asked Bielokurov, as we +went home. "My life is tedious, dull, monotonous, because I am a +painter, a queer fish, and have been worried all my life with envy, +discontent, disbelief in my work: I am always poor, I am a vagabond, but +you are a wealthy, normal man, a landowner, a gentleman--why do you live +so tamely and take so little from life? Why, for instance, haven't you +fallen in love with Lyda or Genya?" + +"You forget that I love another woman," answered Bielokurov. + +He meant his mistress, Lyabor Ivanovna, who lived with him in the +orchard house. I used to see the lady every day, very stout, podgy, +pompous, like a fatted goose, walking in the garden in a Russian +head-dress, always with a sunshade, and the servants used to call her to +meals or tea. Three years ago she rented a part of his house for the +summer, and stayed on to live with Bielokurov, apparently for ever. She +was ten years older than he and managed him very strictly, so that he +had to ask her permission to go out. She would often sob and make +horrible noises like a man with a cold, and then I used to send and tell +her that I'm if she did not stop I would go away. Then she would stop. + +When we reached home, Bielokurov sat down on the divan and frowned and +brooded, and I began to pace up and down the hall, feeling a sweet +stirring in me, exactly like the stirring of love. I wanted to talk +about the Volchaninovs. + +"Lyda could only fall in love with a Zemstvo worker like herself, some +one who is run off his legs with hospitals and schools," I said. "For +the sake of a girl like that a man might not only become a Zemstvo +worker, but might even become worn out, like the tale of the iron boots. +And Missyuss? How charming Missyuss is!" + +Bielokurov began to talk at length and with his drawling er-er-ers of +the disease of the century--pessimism. He spoke confidently and +argumentatively. Hundreds of miles of deserted, monotonous, blackened +steppe could not so forcibly depress the mind as a man like that, +sitting and talking and showing no signs of going away. + +"The point is neither pessimism nor optimism," I said irritably, "but +that ninety-nine out of a hundred have no sense." + +Bielokurov took this to mean himself, was offended, and went away. + + +III + +"The Prince is on a visit to Malozyomov and sends you his regards," said +Lyda to her mother, as she came in and took off her gloves. "He told me +many interesting things. He promised to bring forward in the Zemstvo +Council the question of a medical station at Malozyomov, but he says +there is little hope." And turning to me, she said: "Forgive me, I keep +forgetting that you are not interested." + +I felt irritated. + +"Why not?" I asked and shrugged my shoulders. "You don't care about my +opinion, but I assure you, the question greatly interests me." + +"Yes?" + +"In my opinion there is absolutely no need for a medical station at +Malozyomov." + +My irritation affected her: she gave a glance at me, half closed her +eyes and said: + +"What is wanted then? Landscapes?" + +"Not landscapes either. Nothing is wanted there." + +She finished taking off her gloves and took up a newspaper which had +just come by post; a moment later, she said quietly, apparently +controlling herself: + +"Last week Anna died in childbirth, and if a medical man had been +available she would have lived. However, I suppose landscape-painters +are entitled to their opinions." + +"I have a very definite opinion, I assure you," said I, and she took +refuge behind the newspaper, as though she did not wish to listen. "In +my opinion medical stations, schools, libraries, pharmacies, under +existing conditions, only lead to slavery. The masses are caught in a +vast chain: you do not cut it but only add new links to it. That is my +opinion." + +She looked at me and smiled mockingly, and I went on, striving to catch +the thread of my ideas. + +"It does not matter that Anna should die in childbirth, but it does +matter that all these Annas, Mavras, Pelagueyas, from dawn to sunset +should be grinding away, ill from overwork, all their lives worried +about their starving sickly children; all their lives they are afraid of +death and disease, and have to be looking after themselves; they fade in +youth, grow old very early, and die in filth and dirt; their children as +they grow up go the same way and hundreds of years slip by and millions +of people live worse than animals--in constant dread of never having a +crust to eat; but the horror of their position is that they have no time +to think of their souls, no time to remember that they are made in the +likeness of God; hunger, cold, animal fear, incessant work, like drifts +of snow block all the ways to spiritual activity, to the very thing that +distinguishes man from the animals, and is the only thing indeed that +makes life worth living. You come to their assistance with hospitals and +schools, but you do not free them from their fetters; on the contrary, +you enslave them even more, since by introducing new prejudices into +their lives, you increase the number of their demands, not to mention +the fact that they have to pay the Zemstvo for their drugs and +pamphlets, and therefore, have to work harder than ever." + +"I will not argue with you," said Lyda. "I have heard all that." She put +down her paper. "I will only tell you one thing, it is no good sitting +with folded hands. It is true, we do not save mankind, and perhaps we do +make mistakes, but we do what we can and we are right. The highest and +most sacred truth for an educated being--is to help his neighbours, and +we do what we can to help. You do not like it, but it is impossible to +please everybody." + +"True, Lyda, true," said her mother. + +In Lyda's presence her courage always failed her, and as she talked she +would look timidly at her, for she was afraid of saying something +foolish or out of place: and she never contradicted, but would always +agree: "True, Lyda, true." + +"Teaching peasants to read and write, giving them little moral pamphlets +and medical assistance, cannot decrease either ignorance or mortality, +just as the light from your windows cannot illuminate this huge garden," +I said. "You give nothing by your interference in the lives of these +people. You only create new demands, and a new compulsion to work." + +"Ah! My God, but we must do something!" said Lyda exasperatedly, and I +could tell by her voice that she thought my opinions negligible and +despised me. + +"It is necessary," I said, "to free people from hard physical work. It +is necessary to relieve them of their yoke, to give them breathing +space, to save them from spending their whole lives in the kitchen or +the byre, in the fields; they should have time to take thought of their +souls, of God and to develop their spiritual capacities. Every human +being's salvation lies in spiritual activity--in his continual search +for truth and the meaning of life. Give them some relief from rough, +animal labour, let them feel free, then you will see how ridiculous at +bottom your pamphlets and pharmacies are. Once a human being is aware of +his vocation, then he can only be satisfied with religion, service, art, +and not with trifles like that." + +"Free them from work?" Lyda gave a smile. "Is that possible?" + +"Yes.... Take upon yourself a part of their work. If we all, in town and +country, without exception, agreed to share the work which is being +spent by mankind in the satisfaction of physical demands, then none of +us would have to work more than two or three hours a day. If all of us, +rich and poor, worked three hours a day the rest of our time would be +free. And then to be still less dependent on our bodies, we should +invent machines to do the work and we should try to reduce our demands +to the minimum. We should toughen ourselves and our children should not +be afraid of hunger and cold, and we should not be anxious about their +health, as Anna, Maria, Pelagueya were anxious. Then supposing we did +not bother about doctors and pharmacies, and did away with tobacco +factories and distilleries--what a lot of free time we should have! We +should give our leisure to service and the arts. Just as peasants all +work together to repair the roads, so the whole community would work +together to seek truth and the meaning of life, and, I am sure of +it--truth would be found very soon, man would get rid of his continual, +poignant, depressing fear of death and even of death itself." + +"But you contradict yourself," said Lyda. "You talk about service and +deny education." + +"I deny the education of a man who can only use it to read the signs on +the public houses and possibly a pamphlet which he is incapable of +understanding--the kind of education we have had from the time of +Riurik: and village life has remained exactly as it was then. Not +education is wanted but freedom for the full development of spiritual +capacities. Not schools are wanted but universities." + +"You deny medicine too." + +"Yes. It should only be used for the investigation of diseases, as +natural phenomenon, not for their cure. It is no good curing diseases if +you don't cure their causes. Remove the chief cause--physical labour, +and there will be no diseases. I don't acknowledge the science which +cures," I went on excitedly. "Science and art, when they are true, are +directed not to temporary or private purposes, but to the eternal and +the general--they seek the truth and the meaning of life, they seek God, +the soul, and when they are harnessed to passing needs and activities, +like pharmacies and libraries, then they only complicate and encumber +life. We have any number of doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, and highly +educated people, but we have no biologists, mathematicians, +philosophers, poets. All our intellectual and spiritual energy is wasted +on temporary passing needs.... Scientists, writers, painters work and +work, and thanks to them the comforts of life grow greater every day, +the demands of the body multiply, but we are still a long way from the +truth and man still remains the most rapacious and unseemly of animals, +and everything tends to make the majority of mankind degenerate and more +and more lacking in vitality. Under such conditions the life of an +artist has no meaning and the more talented he is, the more strange and +incomprehensible his position is, since it only amounts to his working +for the amusement of the predatory, disgusting animal, man, and +supporting the existing state of things. And I don't want to work and +will not.... Nothing is wanted, so let the world go to hell." + +"Missyuss, go away," said Lyda to her sister, evidently thinking my +words dangerous to so young a girl. + +Genya looked sadly at her sister and mother and went out. + +"People generally talk like that," said Lyda, "when they want to excuse +their indifference. It is easier to deny hospitals and schools than to +come and teach." + +"True, Lyda, true," her mother agreed. + +"You say you will not work," Lyda went on. "Apparently you set a high +price on your work, but do stop arguing. We shall never agree, since I +value the most imperfect library or pharmacy, of which you spoke so +scornfully just now, more than all the landscapes in the world." And at +once she turned to her mother and began to talk in quite a different +tone: "The Prince has got very thin, and is much changed since the last +time he was here. The doctors are sending him to Vichy." + +She talked to her mother about the Prince to avoid talking to me. Her +face was burning, and, in order to conceal her agitation, she bent over +the table as if she were short-sighted and made a show of reading the +newspaper. My presence was distasteful to her. I took my leave and went +home. + + +IV + +All was quiet outside: the village on the other side of the pond was +already asleep, not a single light was to be seen, and on the pond +there was only the faint reflection of the stars. By the gate with the +stone lions stood Genya, waiting to accompany me. + +"The village is asleep," I said, trying to see her face in the darkness, +and I could see her dark sad eyes fixed on me. "The innkeeper and the +horse-stealers are sleeping quietly, and decent people like ourselves +quarrel and irritate each other." + +It was a melancholy August night--melancholy because it already smelled +of the autumn: the moon rose behind a purple cloud and hardly lighted +the road and the dark fields of winter corn on either side. Stars fell +frequently, Genya walked beside me on the road and tried not to look at +the sky, to avoid seeing the falling stars, which somehow frightened +her. + +"I believe you are right," she said, trembling in the evening chill. "If +people could give themselves to spiritual activity, they would soon +burst everything." + +"Certainly. We are superior beings, and if we really knew all the power +of the human genius and lived only for higher purposes then we should +become like gods. But this will never be. Mankind will degenerate and of +their genius not a trace will be left." + +When the gate was out of sight Genya stopped and hurriedly shook my +hand. + +"Good night," she said, trembling; her shoulders were covered only with +a thin blouse and she was shivering with cold. "Come to-morrow." + +I was filled with a sudden dread of being left alone with my inevitable +dissatisfaction with myself and people, and I, too, tried not to see the +falling stars. + +"Stay with me a little longer," I said. "Please." + +I loved Genya, and she must have loved me, because she used to meet me +and walk with me, and because she looked at me with tender admiration. +How thrillingly beautiful her pale face was, her thin nose, her arms, +her slenderness, her idleness, her constant reading. And her mind? I +suspected her of having an unusual intellect: I was fascinated by the +breadth of her views, perhaps because she thought differently from the +strong, handsome Lyda, who did not love me. Genya liked me as a painter, +I had conquered her heart by my talent, and I longed passionately to +paint only for her, and I dreamed of her as my little queen, who would +one day possess with me the trees, the fields, the river, the dawn, all +Nature, wonderful and fascinating, with whom, as with them, I have felt +helpless and useless. + +"Stay with me a moment longer," I called. "I implore you." + +I took off my overcoat and covered her childish shoulders. Fearing that +she would look queer and ugly in a man's coat, she began to laugh and +threw it off, and as she did so, I embraced her and began to cover her +face, her shoulders, her arms with kisses. + +"Till to-morrow," she whispered timidly as though she was afraid to +break the stillness of the night. She embraced me: "We have no secrets +from one another. I must tell mamma and my sister.... Is it so terrible? +Mamma will be pleased. Mamma loves you, but Lyda!" + +She ran to the gates. + +"Good-bye," she called out. + +For a couple of minutes I stood and heard her running. I had no desire +to go home, there was nothing there to go for. I stood for a while lost +in thought, and then quietly dragged myself back, to have one more look +at the house in which she lived, the dear, simple, old house, which +seemed to look at me with the windows of the mezzanine for eyes, and to +understand everything. I walked past the terrace, sat down on a bench by +the lawn-tennis court, in the darkness under an old elm-tree, and looked +at the house. In the windows of the mezzanine, where Missyuss had her +room, shone a bright light, and then a faint green glow. The lamp had +been covered with a shade. Shadows began to move.... I was filled with +tenderness and a calm satisfaction, to think that I could let myself be +carried away and fall in love, and at the same time I felt uneasy at the +thought that only a few yards away in one of the rooms of the house lay +Lyda who did not love me, and perhaps hated me. I sat and waited to see +if Genya would come out. I listened attentively and it seemed to me they +were sitting in the mezzanine. + +An hour passed. The green light went out, and the shadows were no longer +visible. The moon hung high above the house and lit the sleeping garden +and the avenues: I could distinctly see the dahlias and roses in the +flower-bed in front of the house, and all seemed to be of one colour. It +was very cold. I left the garden, picked up my overcoat in the road, and +walked slowly home. + +Next day after dinner when I went to the Volchaninovs', the glass door +was wide open. I sat down on the terrace expecting Genya to come from +behind the flower-bed or from one of the avenues, or to hear her voice +come from out of the rooms; then I went into the drawing-room and the +dining-room. There was not a soul to be seen. From the dining-room I +went down a long passage into the hall, and then back again. There were +several doors in the passage and behind one of them I could hear Lyda's +voice: + +"To the crow somewhere ... God ..."--she spoke slowly and distinctly, +and was probably dictating--" ... God sent a piece of cheese.... To the +crow ... somewhere.... Who is there?" she called out suddenly as she +heard my footsteps. + +"It is I." + +"Oh! excuse me. I can't come out just now. I am teaching Masha." + +"Is Ekaterina Pavlovna in the garden?" + +"No. She and my sister left to-day for my Aunt's in Penga, and in the +winter they are probably going abroad." She added after a short silence: +"To the crow somewhere God sent a pi-ece of cheese. Have you got that?" + +I went out into the hall, and, without a thought in my head, stood and +looked out at the pond and the village, and still I heard: + +"A piece of cheese.... To the crow somewhere God sent a piece of +cheese." + +And I left the house by the way I had come the first time, only +reversing the order, from the yard into the garden, past the house, then +along the lime-walk. Here a boy overtook me and handed me a note: "I +have told my sister everything and she insists on my parting from you," +I read. "I could not hurt her by disobeying. God will give you +happiness. If you knew how bitterly mamma and I have cried." + +Then through the fir avenue and the rotten fence. ...Over the fields +where the corn was ripening and the quails screamed, cows and shackled +horses now were browsing. Here and there on the hills the winter corn +was already showing green. A sober, workaday mood possessed me and I was +ashamed of all I had said at the Volchaninovs', and once more it became +tedious to go on living. I went home, packed my things, and left that +evening for Petersburg. + +* * * + +I never saw the Volchaninovs again. Lately on my way to the Crimea I met +Bielokurov at a station. As of old he was in a _poddiovka_, wearing an +embroidered shirt, and when I asked after his health, he replied: +"Quite well, thanks be to God." He began to talk. He had sold his estate +and bought another, smaller one in the name of Lyabov Ivanovna. He told +me a little about the Volchaninovs. Lyda, he said, still lived at +Sholkovka and taught the children in the school; little by little she +succeeded in gathering round herself a circle of sympathetic people, who +formed a strong party, and at the last Zemstvo election they drove out +Balaguin, who up till then had had the whole district in his hands. Of +Genya Bielokurov said that she did not live at home and he did not know +where she was. + +I have already begun to forget about the house with the mezzanine, and +only now and then, when I am working or reading, suddenly--without rhyme +or reason--I remember the green light in the window, and the sound of my +own footsteps as I walked through the fields that night, when I was in +love, rubbing my hands to keep them warm. And even more rarely, when I +am sad and lonely, I begin already to recollect and it seems to me that +I, too, am being remembered and waited for, and that we shall meet.... + +Missyuss, where are you? + + + + + +TYPHUS + + +In a smoking-compartment of the mail-train from Petrograd to Moscow sat +a young lieutenant, Klimov by name. Opposite him sat an elderly man with +a clean-shaven, shipmaster's face, to all appearances a well-to-do Finn +or Swede, who all through the journey smoked a pipe and talked round and +round the same subject. + +"Ha! you are an officer! My brother is also an officer, but he is a +sailor. He is a sailor and is stationed at Kronstadt. Why are you going +to Moscow?" + +"I am stationed there." + +"Ha! Are you married?" + +"No. I live with my aunt and sister." + +"My brother is also an officer, but he is married and has a wife and +three children. Ha!" + +The Finn looked surprised at something, smiled broadly and fatuously as +he exclaimed, "Ha," and every now and then blew through the stem of his +pipe. Klimov, who was feeling rather unwell, and not at all inclined to +answer questions, hated him with all his heart. He thought how good it +would be to snatch his gurgling pipe out of his hands and throw it under +the seat and to order the Finn himself into another car. + +"They are awful people, these Finns and ... Greeks," he thought. +"Useless, good-for-nothing, disgusting people. They only cumber the +earth. What is the good of them?" + +And the thought of Finns and Greeks filled him with a kind of nausea. He +tried to compare them with the French and the Italians, but the idea of +those races somehow roused in him the notion of organ-grinders, naked +women, and the foreign oleographs which hung over the chest of drawers +in his aunt's house. + +The young officer felt generally out of sorts. There seemed to be no +room for his arms and legs, though he had the whole seat to himself; his +mouth was dry and sticky, his head was heavy and his clouded thoughts +seemed to wander at random, not only in his head, but also outside it +among the seats and the people looming in the darkness. Through the +turmoil in his brain, as through a dream, he heard the murmur of +voices, the rattle of the wheels, the slamming of doors. Bells, +whistles, conductors, the tramp of the people on the platforms came +oftener than usual. The time slipped by quickly, imperceptibly, and it +seemed that the train stopped every minute at a station as now and then +there would come up the sound of metallic voices: + +"Is the post ready?" + +"Ready." + +It seemed to him that the stove-neater came in too often to look at the +thermometer, and that trains never stopped passing and his own train was +always roaring over bridges. The noise, the whistle, the Finn, the +tobacco smoke--all mixed with the ominous shifting of misty shapes, +weighed on Klimov like an intolerable nightmare. In terrible anguish he +lifted up his aching head, looked at the lamp whose light was encircled +with shadows and misty spots; he wanted to ask for water, but his dry +tongue would hardly move, and he had hardly strength enough to answer +the Finn's questions. He tried to lie down more comfortably and sleep, +but he could not succeed; the Finn fell asleep several times, woke up +and lighted his pipe, talked to him with his "Ha!" and went to sleep +again; and the lieutenant could still not find room for his legs on the +seat, and all the while the ominous figures shifted before his eyes. + +At Spirov he got out to have a drink of water. He saw some people +sitting at a table eating hurriedly. + +"How can they eat?" he thought, trying to avoid the smell of roast meat +in the air and seeing the chewing mouths, for both seemed to him utterly +disgusting and made him feel sick. + +A handsome lady was talking to a military man in a red cap, and she +showed magnificent white teeth when she smiled; her smile, her teeth, +the lady herself produced in Klimov the same impression of disgust as +the ham and the fried cutlets. He could not understand how the military +man in the red cap could bear to sit near her and look at her healthy +smiling face. + +After he had drunk some water, he went back to his place. The Finn sat +and smoked. His pipe gurgled and sucked like a galoche full of holes in +dirty weather. + +"Ha!" he said with some surprise. "What station is this?" + +"I don't know," said Klimov, lying down and shutting his mouth to keep +out the acrid tobacco smoke. + +"When do we get to Tver." + +"I don't know. I am sorry, I ... I can't talk. I am not well. I have a +cold." + +The Finn knocked out his pipe against the window-frame and began to talk +of his brother, the sailor. Klimov paid no more attention to him and +thought in agony of his soft, comfortable bed, of the bottle of cold +water, of his sister Katy, who knew so well how to tuck him up and +cosset him. He even smiled when there flashed across his mind his +soldier-servant Pavel, taking off his heavy, close-fitting boots and +putting water on the table. It seemed to him that he would only have to +lie on his bed and drink some water and his nightmare would give way to +a sound, healthy sleep. + +"Is the post ready?" came a dull voice from a distance. + +"Ready," answered a loud, bass voice almost by the very window. + +It was the second or third station from Spirov. + +Time passed quickly, seemed to gallop along, and there would be no end +to the bells, whistles, and stops. In despair Klimov pressed his face +into the corner of the cushion, held his head in his hands, and again +began to think of his sister Katy and his orderly Pavel; but his sister +and his orderly got mixed up with the looming figures and whirled about +and disappeared. His breath, thrown back from the cushion, burned his +face, and his legs ached and a draught from the window poured into his +back, but, painful though it was, he refused to change his position.... +A heavy, drugging torpor crept over him and chained his limbs. + +When at length he raised his head, the car was quite light. The +passengers were putting on their overcoats and moving about. The train +stopped. Porters in white aprons and number-plates bustled about the +passengers and seized their boxes. Klimov put on his greatcoat +mechanically and left the train, and he felt as though it were not +himself walking, but some one else, a stranger, and he felt that he was +accompanied by the heat of the train, his thirst, and the ominous, +lowering figures which all night long had prevented his sleeping. +Mechanically he got his luggage and took a cab. The cabman charged him +one rouble and twenty-five copecks for driving him to Povarska Street, +but he did not haggle and submissively took his seat in the sledge. He +could still grasp the difference in numbers, but money had no value to +him whatever. + +At home Klimov was met by his aunt and his sister Katy, a girl of +eighteen. Katy had a copy-book and a pencil in her hands as she greeted +him, and he remembered that she was preparing for a teacher's +examination. He took no notice of their greetings and questions, but +gasped from the heat, and walked aimlessly through the rooms until he +reached his own, and then he fell prone on the bed. The Finn, the red +cap, the lady with the white teeth, the smell of roast meat, the +shifting spot in the lamp, filled his mind and he lost consciousness +and did not hear the frightened voices near him. + +When he came to himself he found himself in bed, undressed, and noticed +the water-bottle and Pavel, but it did not make him any more comfortable +nor easy. His legs and arms, as before, felt cramped, his tongue clove +to his palate, and he could hear the chuckle of the Finn's pipe.... By +the bed, growing out of Pavel's broad back, a stout, black-bearded +doctor was bustling. + +"All right, all right, my lad," he murmured. "Excellent, excellent.... +Jist so, jist so...." + +The doctor called Klimov "my lad." Instead of "just so," he said "jist +saow," and instead of "yes," "yies." + +"Yies, yies, yies," he said. "Jist saow, jist saow.... Don't be +downhearted!" + +The doctor's quick, careless way of speaking, his well-fed face, and the +condescending tone in which he said "my lad" exasperated Klimov. + +"Why do you call me 'my lad'?" he moaned. "Why this familiarity, damn it +all?" + +And he was frightened by the sound of his own voice. It was so dry, +weak, and hollow that he could hardly recognise it. + +"Excellent, excellent," murmured the doctor, not at all offended. "Yies, +yies. You mustn't be cross." + +And at home the time galloped away as alarmingly quickly as in the +train.... The light of day in his bedroom was every now and then changed +to the dim light of evening.... The doctor never seemed to leave the +bedside, and his "Yies, yies, yies," could be heard at every moment. +Through the room stretched an endless row of faces; Pavel, the Finn, +Captain Taroshevich, Sergeant Maximenko, the red cap, the lady with the +white teeth, the doctor. All of them talked, waved their hands, smoked, +ate. Once in broad daylight Klimov saw his regimental priest, Father +Alexander, in his stole and with the host in his hands, standing by the +bedside and muttering something with such a serious expression as Klimov +had never seen him wear before. The lieutenant remembered that Father +Alexander used to call all the Catholic officers Poles, and wishing to +make the priest laugh, he exclaimed: + +"Father Taroshevich, the Poles have fled to the woods." + +But Father Alexander, usually a gay, light-hearted man, did not laugh +and looked even more serious, and made the sign of the cross over +Klimov. At night, one after the other, there would come slowly creeping +in and out two shadows. They were his aunt and his sister. The shadow of +his sister would kneel down and pray; she would bow to the ikon, and her +grey shadow on the wall would bow, too, so that two shadows prayed to +God. And all the time there was a smell of roast meat and of the Finn's +pipe, but once Klimov could detect a distinct smell of incense. He +nearly vomited and cried: + +"Incense! Take it away." + +There was no reply. He could only hear priests chanting in an undertone +and some one running on the stairs. + +When Klimov recovered from his delirium there was not a soul in the +bedroom. The morning sun flared through the window and the drawn +curtains, and a trembling beam, thin and keen as a sword, played on the +water-bottle. He could hear the rattle of wheels--that meant there was +no more snow in the streets. The lieutenant looked at the sunbeam, at +the familiar furniture and the door, and his first inclination was to +laugh. His chest and stomach trembled with a sweet, happy, tickling +laughter. From head to foot his whole body was filled with a feeling of +infinite happiness, like that which the first man must have felt when he +stood erect and beheld the world for the first time. Klimov had a +passionate longing for people, movement, talk. His body lay motionless; +he could only move his hands, but he hardly noticed it, for his whole +attention was fixed on little things. He was delighted with his +breathing and with his laughter; he was delighted with the existence of +the water-bottle, the ceiling, the sunbeam, the ribbon on the curtain. +God's world, even in such a narrow corner as his bedroom, seemed to him +beautiful, varied, great. When the doctor appeared the lieutenant +thought how nice his medicine was, how nice and sympathetic the doctor +was, how nice and interesting people were, on the whole. + +"Yies, yies, yies," said the doctor. "Excellent, excellent. Now we are +well again. Jist saow. Jist saow." + +The lieutenant listened and laughed gleefully. He remembered the Finn, +the lady with the white teeth, the train, and he wanted to eat and +smoke. + +"Doctor," he said, "tell them to bring me a slice of rye bread and salt, +and some sardines...." + +The doctor refused. Pavel did not obey his order and refused to go for +bread. The lieutenant could not bear it and began to cry like a thwarted +child. + +"Ba-by," the doctor laughed. "Mamma! Hush-aby!" + +Klimov also began to laugh, and when the doctor had gone, he fell sound +asleep. He woke up with the same feeling of joy and happiness. His aunt +was sitting by his bed. + +"Oh, aunty!" He was very happy. "What has been the matter with me?" + +"Typhus." + +"I say! And now I am well, quite well! Where is Katy?" + +"She is not at home. She has probably gone to see some one after her +examination." + +The old woman bent over her stocking as she said this; her lips began to +tremble; she turned her face away and suddenly began to sob. In her +grief, she forgot the doctor's orders and cried: + +"Oh! Katy! Katy! Our angel is gone from us! She is gone!" + +She dropped her stocking and stooped down for it, and her cap fell off +her head. Klimov stared at her grey hair, could not understand, was +alarmed for Katy, and asked: + +"But where is she, aunty?" + +The old woman, who had already forgotten Klimov and remembered only her +grief, said: + +"She caught typhus from you and ... and died. She was buried the day +before yesterday." + +This sudden appalling piece of news came home to Klimov's mind, but +dreadful and shocking though it was it could not subdue the animal joy +which thrilled through the convalescent lieutenant. He cried, laughed, +and soon began to complain that he was given nothing to eat. + +Only a week later, when, supported by Pavel, he walked in a +dressing-gown to the window, and saw the grey spring sky and heard the +horrible rattle of some old rails being carried by on a lorry, then his +heart ached with sorrow and he began to weep and pressed his forehead +against the window-frame. + +"How unhappy I am!" he murmured. "My God, how unhappy I am!" + +And joy gave way to his habitual weariness and a sense of his +irreparable loss. + + + + + +GOOSEBERRIES + + +From early morning the sky had been overcast with clouds; the day was +still, cool, and wearisome, as usual on grey, dull days when the clouds +hang low over the fields and it looks like rain, which never comes. Ivan +Ivanich, the veterinary surgeon, and Bourkin, the schoolmaster, were +tired of walking and the fields seemed endless to them. Far ahead they +could just see the windmills of the village of Mirousky, to the right +stretched away to disappear behind the village a line of hills, and they +knew that it was the bank of the river; meadows, green willows, +farmhouses; and from one of the hills there could be seen a field as +endless, telegraph-posts, and the train, looking from a distance like a +crawling caterpillar, and in clear weather even the town. In the calm +weather when all Nature seemed gentle and melancholy, Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin were filled with love for the fields and thought how grand and +beautiful the country was. + +"Last time, when we stopped in Prokofyi's shed," said Bourkin, "you were +going to tell me a story." + +"Yes. I wanted to tell you about my brother." + +Ivan Ivanich took a deep breath and lighted his pipe before beginning +his story, but just then the rain began to fall. And in about five +minutes it came pelting down and showed no signs of stopping. Ivan +Ivanich stopped and hesitated; the dogs, wet through, stood with their +tails between their legs and looked at them mournfully. + +"We ought to take shelter," said Bourkin. "Let us go to Aliokhin. It is +close by." + +"Very well." + +They took a short cut over a stubble-field and then bore to the right, +until they came to the road. Soon there appeared poplars, a garden, the +red roofs of granaries; the river began to glimmer and they came to a +wide road with a mill and a white bathing-shed. It was Sophino, where +Aliokhin lived. + +The mill was working, drowning the sound of the rain, and the dam shook. +Round the carts stood wet horses, hanging their heads, and men were +walking about with their heads covered with sacks. It was wet, muddy, +and unpleasant, and the river looked cold and sullen. Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin felt wet and uncomfortable through and through; their feet were +tired with walking in the mud, and they walked past the dam to the barn +in silence as though they were angry with each other. + +In one of the barns a winnowing-machine was working, sending out clouds +of dust. On the threshold stood Aliokhin himself, a man of about forty, +tall and stout, with long hair, more like a professor or a painter than +a farmer. He was wearing a grimy white shirt and rope belt, and pants +instead of trousers; and his boots were covered with mud and straw. His +nose and eyes were black with dust. He recognised Ivan Ivanich and was +apparently very pleased. + +"Please, gentlemen," he said, "go to the house. I'll be with you in a +minute." + +The house was large and two-storied. Aliokhin lived down-stairs in two +vaulted rooms with little windows designed for the farm-hands; the +farmhouse was plain, and the place smelled of rye bread and vodka, and +leather. He rarely used the reception-rooms, only when guests arrived. +Ivan Ivanich and Bourkin were received by a chambermaid; such a pretty +young woman that both of them stopped and exchanged glances. + +"You cannot imagine how glad I am to see you, gentlemen," said Aliokhin, +coming after them into the hall. "I never expected you. Pelagueya," he +said to the maid, "give my friends a change of clothes. And I will +change, too. But I must have a bath. I haven't had one since the spring. +Wouldn't you like to come to the bathing-shed? And meanwhile our things +will be got ready." + +Pretty Pelagueya, dainty and sweet, brought towels and soap, and +Aliokhin led his guests to the bathing-shed. + +"Yes," he said, "it is a long time since I had a bath. My bathing-shed +is all right, as you see. My father and I put it up, but somehow I have +no time to bathe." + +He sat down on the step and lathered his long hair and neck, and the +water round him became brown. + +"Yes. I see," said Ivan Ivanich heavily, looking at his head. + +"It is a long time since I bathed," said Aliokhin shyly, as he soaped +himself again, and the water round him became dark blue, like ink. + +Ivan Ivanich came out of the shed, plunged into the water with a splash, +and swam about in the rain, flapping his arms, and sending waves back, +and on the waves tossed white lilies; he swam out to the middle of the +pool and dived, and in a minute came up again in another place and kept +on swimming and diving, trying to reach the bottom. "Ah! how delicious!" +he shouted in his glee. "How delicious!" He swam to the mill, spoke to +the peasants, and came back, and in the middle of the pool he lay on his +back to let the rain fall on his face. Bourkin and Aliokhin were already +dressed and ready to go, but he kept on swimming and diving. + +"Delicious," he said. "Too delicious!" + +"You've had enough," shouted Bourkin. + +They went to the house. And only when the lamp was lit in the large +drawing-room up-stairs, and Bourkin and Ivan Ivanich, dressed in silk +dressing-gowns and warm slippers, lounged in chairs, and Aliokhin +himself, washed and brushed, in a new frock coat, paced up and down +evidently delighting in the warmth and cleanliness and dry clothes and +slippers, and pretty Pelagueya, noiselessly tripping over the carpet and +smiling sweetly, brought in tea and jam on a tray, only then did Ivan +Ivanich begin his story, and it was as though he was being listened to +not only by Bourkin and Aliokhin, but also by the old and young ladies +and the officer who looked down so staidly and tranquilly from the +golden frames. + +"We are two brothers," he began, "I, Ivan Ivanich, and Nicholai Ivanich, +two years younger. I went in for study and became a veterinary surgeon, +while Nicholai was at the Exchequer Court when he was nineteen. Our +father, Tchimasha-Himalaysky, was a cantonist, but he died with an +officer's rank and left us his title of nobility and a small estate. +After his death the estate went to pay his debts. However, we spent our +childhood there in the country. We were just like peasant's children, +spent days and nights in the fields and the woods, minded the house, +barked the lime-trees, fished, and so on.... And you know once a man has +fished, or watched the thrushes hovering in flocks over the village in +the bright, cool, autumn days, he can never really be a townsman, and to +the day of his death he will be drawn to the country. My brother pined +away in the Exchequer. Years passed and he sat in the same place, wrote +out the same documents, and thought of one thing, how to get back to the +country. And little by little his distress became a definite disorder, a +fixed idea--to buy a small farm somewhere by the bank of a river or a +lake. + +"He was a good fellow and I loved him, but I never sympathised with the +desire to shut oneself up on one's own farm. It is a common saying that +a man needs only six feet of land. But surely a corpse wants that, not a +man. And I hear that our intellectuals have a longing for the land and +want to acquire farms. But it all comes down to the six feet of land. To +leave town, and the struggle and the swim of life, and go and hide +yourself in a farmhouse is not life--it is egoism, laziness; it is a +kind of monasticism, but monasticism without action. A man needs, not +six feet of land, not a farm, but the whole earth, all Nature, where in +full liberty he can display all the properties and qualities of the free +spirit. + +"My brother Nicholai, sitting in his office, would dream of eating his +own _schi_, with its savoury smell floating across the farmyard; and of +eating out in the open air, and of sleeping in the sun, and of sitting +for hours together on a seat by the gate and gazing at the field and the +forest. Books on agriculture and the hints in almanacs were his joy, his +favourite spiritual food; and he liked reading newspapers, but only the +advertisements of land to be sold, so many acres of arable and grass +land, with a farmhouse, river, garden, mill, and mill-pond. And he would +dream of garden-walls, flowers, fruits, nests, carp in the pond, don't +you know, and all the rest of it. These fantasies of his used to vary +according to the advertisements he found, but somehow there was always a +gooseberry-bush in every one. Not a house, not a romantic spot could he +imagine without its gooseberry-bush. + +"'Country life has its advantages,' he used to say. 'You sit on the +veranda drinking tea and your ducklings swim on the pond, and everything +smells good ... and there are gooseberries.' + +"He used to draw out a plan of his estate and always the same things +were shown on it: (_a_) Farmhouse, (_b_) cottage, (_c_) vegetable +garden, (_d_) gooseberry-bush. He used to live meagrely and never had +enough to eat and drink, dressed God knows how, exactly like a beggar, +and always saved and put his money into the bank. He was terribly +stingy. It used to hurt me to see him, and I used to give him money to +go away for a holiday, but he would put that away, too. Once a man gets +a fixed idea, there's nothing to be done. + +"Years passed; he was transferred to another province. He completed his +fortieth year and was still reading advertisements in the papers and +saving up his money. Then I heard he was married. Still with the same +idea of buying a farmhouse with a gooseberry-bush, he married an +elderly, ugly widow, not out of any feeling for her, but because she had +money. With her he still lived stingily, kept her half-starved, and put +the money into the bank in his own name. She had been the wife of a +postmaster and was used to good living, but with her second husband she +did not even have enough black bread; she pined away in her new life, +and in three years or so gave up her soul to God. And my brother never +for a moment thought himself to blame for her death. Money, like vodka, +can play queer tricks with a man. Once in our town a merchant lay dying. +Before his death he asked for some honey, and he ate all his notes and +scrip with the honey so that nobody should get it. Once I was examining +a herd of cattle at a station and a horse-jobber fell under the engine, +and his foot was cut off. We carried him into the waiting-room, with the +blood pouring down--a terrible business--and all the while he kept on +asking anxiously for his foot; he had twenty-five roubles in his boot +and did not want to lose them." + +"Keep to your story," said Bourkin. + +"After the death of his wife," Ivan Ivanich continued, after a long +pause, "my brother began to look out for an estate. Of course you may +search for five years, and even then buy a pig in a poke. Through an +agent my brother Nicholai raised a mortgage and bought three hundred +acres with a farmhouse, a cottage, and a park, but there was no orchard, +no gooseberry-bush, no duck-pond; there was a river but the water in it +was coffee-coloured because the estate lay between a brick-yard and a +gelatine factory. But my brother Nicholai was not worried about that; +he ordered twenty gooseberry-bushes and settled down to a country life. + +"Last year I paid him a visit. I thought I'd go and see how things were +with him. In his letters my brother called his estate Tchimbarshov +Corner, or Himalayskoe. I arrived at Himalayskoe in the afternoon. It +was hot. There were ditches, fences, hedges, rows of young fir-trees, +trees everywhere, and there was no telling how to cross the yard or +where to put your horse. I went to the house and was met by a red-haired +dog, as fat as a pig. He tried to bark but felt too lazy. Out of the +kitchen came the cook, barefooted, and also as fat as a pig, and said +that the master was having his afternoon rest. I went in to my brother +and found him sitting on his bed with his knees covered with a blanket; +he looked old, stout, flabby; his cheeks, nose, and lips were pendulous. +I half expected him to grunt like a pig. + +"We embraced and shed a tear of joy and also of sadness to think that +we had once been young, but were now both going grey and nearing death. +He dressed and took me to see his estate. + +"'Well? How are you getting on?' I asked. + +"'All right, thank God. I am doing very well.' + +"He was no longer the poor, tired official, but a real landowner and a +person of consequence. He had got used to the place and liked it, ate a +great deal, took Russian baths, was growing fat, had already gone to law +with the parish and the two factories, and was much offended if the +peasants did not call him 'Your Lordship.' And, like a good landowner, +he looked after his soul and did good works pompously, never simply. +What good works? He cured the peasants of all kinds of diseases with +soda and castor-oil, and on his birthday he would have a thanksgiving +service held in the middle of the village, and would treat the peasants +to half a bucket of vodka, which he thought the right thing to do. Ah! +Those horrible buckets of vodka. One day a greasy landowner will drag +the peasants before the Zembro Court for trespass, and the next, if +it's a holiday, he will give them a bucket of vodka, and they drink and +shout Hooray! and lick his boots in their drunkenness. A change to good +eating and idleness always fills a Russian with the most preposterous +self-conceit. Nicholai Ivanich who, when he was in the Exchequer, was +terrified to have an opinion of his own, now imagined that what he said +was law. 'Education is necessary for the masses, but they are not fit +for it.' 'Corporal punishment is generally harmful, but in certain cases +it is useful and indispensable.' + +"'I know the people and I know how to treat them,' he would say. 'The +people love me. I have only to raise my finger and they will do as I +wish.' + +"And all this, mark you, was said with a kindly smile of wisdom. He was +constantly saying: 'We noblemen,' or 'I, as a nobleman.' Apparently he +had forgotten that our grandfather was a peasant and our father a common +soldier. Even our family name, Tchimacha-Himalaysky, which is really an +absurd one, seemed to him full-sounding, distinguished, and very +pleasing. + +"But my point does not concern him so much as myself. I want to tell you +what a change took place in me in those few hours while I was in his +house. In the evening, while we were having tea, the cook laid a +plateful of gooseberries on the table. They had not been bought, but +were his own gooseberries, plucked for the first time since the bushes +were planted. Nicholai Ivanich laughed with joy and for a minute or two +he looked in silence at the gooseberries with tears in his eyes. He +could not speak for excitement, then put one into his mouth, glanced at +me in triumph, like a child at last being given its favourite toy, and +said: + +"'How good they are!' + +"He went on eating greedily, and saying all the while: + +"'How good they are! Do try one!' + +"It was hard and sour, but, as Poushkin said, the illusion which exalts +us is dearer to us than ten thousand truths. I saw a happy man, one +whose dearest dream had come true, who had attained his goal in life, +who had got what he wanted, and was pleased with his destiny and with +himself. In my idea of human life there is always some alloy of sadness, +but now at the sight of a happy man I was filled with something like +despair. And at night it grew on me. A bed was made up for me in the +room near my brother's and I could hear him, unable to sleep, going +again and again to the plate of gooseberries. I thought: 'After all, +what a lot of contented, happy people there must be! What an +overwhelming power that means! I look at this life and see the arrogance +and the idleness of the strong, the ignorance and bestiality of the +weak, the horrible poverty everywhere, overcrowding, drunkenness, +hypocrisy, falsehood.... Meanwhile in all the houses, all the streets, +there is peace; out of fifty thousand people who live in our town there +is not one to kick against it all. Think of the people who go to the +market for food: during the day they eat; at night they sleep, talk +nonsense, marry, grow old, piously follow their dead to the cemetery; +one never sees or hears those who suffer, and all the horror of life +goes on somewhere behind the scenes. Everything is quiet, peaceful, and +against it all there is only the silent protest of statistics; so many +go mad, so many gallons are drunk, so many children die of +starvation.... And such a state of things is obviously what we want; +apparently a happy man only feels so because the unhappy bear their +burden in silence, but for which happiness would be impossible. It is a +general hypnosis. Every happy man should have some one with a little +hammer at his door to knock and remind him that there are unhappy +people, and that, however happy he may be, life will sooner or later +show its claws, and some misfortune will befall him--illness, poverty, +loss, and then no one will see or hear him, just as he now neither sees +nor hears others. But there is no man with a hammer, and the happy go on +living, just a little fluttered with the petty cares of every day, like +an aspen-tree in the wind--and everything is all right.' + +"That night I was able to understand how I, too, had been content and +happy," Ivan Ivanich went on, getting up. "I, too, at meals or out +hunting, used to lay down the law about living, and religion, and +governing the masses. I, too, used to say that teaching is light, that +education is necessary, but that for simple folk reading and writing is +enough for the present. Freedom is a boon, I used to say, as essential +as the air we breathe, but we must wait. Yes--I used to say so, but now +I ask: 'Why do we wait?'" Ivan Ivanich glanced angrily at Bourkin. "Why +do we wait, I ask you? What considerations keep us fast? I am told that +we cannot have everything at once, and that every idea is realised in +time. But who says so? Where is the proof that it is so? You refer me to +the natural order of things, to the law of cause and effect, but is +there order or natural law in that I, a living, thinking creature, +should stand by a ditch until it fills up, or is narrowed, when I could +jump it or throw a bridge over it? Tell me, I say, why should we wait? +Wait, when we have no strength to live, and yet must live and are full +of the desire to live! + +"I left my brother early the next morning, and from that time on I found +it impossible to live in town. The peace and the quiet of it oppress me. +I dare not look in at the windows, for nothing is more dreadful to see +than the sight of a happy family, sitting round a table, having tea. I +am an old man now and am no good for the struggle. I commenced late. I +can only grieve within my soul, and fret and sulk. At night my head +buzzes with the rush of my thoughts and I cannot sleep.... Ah! If I were +young!" + +Ivan Ivanich walked excitedly up and down the room and repeated: + +"If I were young." + +He suddenly walked up to Aliokhin and shook him first by one hand and +then by the other. + +"Pavel Konstantinich," he said in a voice of entreaty, "don't be +satisfied, don't let yourself be lulled to sleep! While you are young, +strong, wealthy, do not cease to do good! Happiness does not exist, nor +should it, and if there is any meaning or purpose in life, they are not +in our peddling little happiness, but in something reasonable and grand. +Do good!" + +Ivan Ivanich said this with a piteous supplicating smile, as though he +were asking a personal favour. + +Then they all three sat in different corners of the drawing-room and +were silent. Ivan Ivanich's story had satisfied neither Bourkin nor +Aliokhin. With the generals and ladies looking down from their gilt +frames, seeming alive in the firelight, it was tedious to hear the story +of a miserable official who ate gooseberries.... Somehow they had a +longing to hear and to speak of charming people, and of women. And the +mere fact of sitting in the drawing-room where everything--the lamp with +its coloured shade, the chairs, and the carpet under their feet--told +how the very people who now looked down at them from their frames once +walked, and sat and had tea there, and the fact that pretty Pelagueya +was near--was much better than any story. + +Aliokhin wanted very much to go to bed; he had to get up for his work +very early, about two in the morning, and now his eyes were closing, +but he was afraid of his guests saying something interesting without his +hearing it, so he would not go. He did not trouble to think whether what +Ivan Ivanich had been saying was clever or right; his guests were +talking of neither groats, nor hay, nor tar, but of something which had +no bearing on his life, and he liked it and wanted them to go on.... + +"However, it's time to go to bed," said Bourkin, getting up. "I will +wish you good night." + +Aliokhin said good night and went down-stairs, and left his guests. Each +had a large room with an old wooden bed and carved ornaments; in the +corner was an ivory crucifix; and their wide, cool beds, made by pretty +Pelagueya, smelled sweetly of clean linen. + +Ivan Ivanich undressed in silence and lay down. + +"God forgive me, a wicked sinner," he murmured, as he drew the clothes +over his head. + +A smell of burning tobacco came from his pipe which lay on the table, +and Bourkin could not sleep for a long time and was worried because he +could not make out where the unpleasant smell came from. + +The rain beat against the windows all night long. + + + + +IN EXILE + + +Old Simeon, whose nickname was Brains, and a young Tartar, whose name +nobody knew, were sitting on the bank of the river by a wood-fire. The +other three ferrymen were in the hut. Simeon who was an old man of about +sixty, skinny and toothless, but broad-shouldered and healthy, was +drunk. He would long ago have gone to bed, but he had a bottle in his +pocket and was afraid of his comrades asking him for vodka. The Tartar +was ill and miserable, and, pulling his rags about him, he went on +talking about the good things in the province of Simbirsk, and what a +beautiful and clever wife he had left at home. He was not more than +twenty-five, and now, by the light of the wood-fire, with his pale, +sorrowful, sickly face, he looked a mere boy. + +"Of course, it is not a paradise here," said Brains, "you see, water, +the bare bushes by the river, clay everywhere--nothing else.... It is +long past Easter and there is still ice on the water and this morning +there was snow...." + +"Bad! Bad!" said the Tartar with a frightened look. + +A few yards away flowed the dark, cold river, muttering, dashing against +the holes in the clayey banks as it tore along to the distant sea. By +the bank they were sitting on, loomed a great barge, which the ferrymen +call a _karbass_. Far away and away, flashing out, flaring up, were +fires crawling like snakes--last year's grass being burned. And behind +the water again was darkness. Little banks of ice could be heard +knocking against the barge.... It was very damp and cold.... + +The Tartar glanced at the sky. There were as many stars as at home, and +the darkness was the same, but something was missing. At home in the +Simbirsk province the stars and the sky were altogether different. + +"Bad! Bad!" he repeated. + +"You will get used to it," said Brains with a laugh. "You are young yet +and foolish; the milk is hardly dry on your lips, and in your folly you +imagine that there is no one unhappier than you, but there will come a +time when you will say: God give every one such a life! Just look at me. +In a week's time the floods will be gone, and we will fix the ferry +here, and all of you will go away into Siberia and I shall stay here, +going to and fro. I have been living thus for the last two-and-twenty +years, but, thank God, I want nothing. God give everybody such a life." + +The Tartar threw some branches onto the fire, crawled near to it and +said: + +"My father is sick. When he dies, my mother and my wife have promised to +come here." + +"What do you want your mother and your wife for?" asked Brains. "Just +foolishness, my friend. It's the devil tempting you, plague take him. +Don't listen to the Evil One. Don't give way to him. When he talks to +you about women you should answer him sharply: 'I don't want them!' When +he talks of freedom, you should stick to it and say: 'I don't want it. I +want nothing! No father, no mother, no wife, no freedom, no home, no +love! I want nothing.' Plague take 'em all." + +Brains took a swig at his bottle and went on: + +"My brother, I am not an ordinary peasant. I don't come from the servile +masses. I am the son of a deacon, and when I was a free man at Rursk, I +used to wear a frock coat, and now I have brought myself to such a point +that I can sleep naked on the ground and eat grass. God give such a life +to everybody. I want nothing. I am afraid of nobody and I think there is +no man richer or freer than I. When they sent me here from Russia I set +my teeth at once and said: 'I want nothing!' The devil whispers to me +about my wife and my kindred, and about freedom and I say to him: 'I +want nothing!' I stuck to it, and, you see, I live happily and have +nothing to grumble at. If a man gives the devil the least opportunity +and listens to him just once, then he is lost and has no hope of +salvation: he will be over ears in the mire and will never get out. Not +only peasants the like of you are lost, but the nobly born and the +educated also. About fifteen years ago a certain nobleman was sent here +from Russia. He had had some trouble with his brothers and had made a +forgery in a will. People said he was a prince or a baron, but perhaps +he was only a high official--who knows? Well, he came here and at once +bought a house and land in Moukhzyink. 'I want to live by my own work,' +said he, 'in the sweat of my brow, because I am no longer a nobleman but +an exile.' 'Why,' said I. 'God help you, for that is good.' He was a +young man then, ardent and eager; he used to mow and go fishing, and he +would ride sixty miles on horseback. Only one thing was wrong; from the +very beginning he was always driving to the post-office at Guyrin. He +used to sit in my boat and sigh: 'Ah! Simeon, it is a long time since +they sent me any money from home.' 'You are better without money, +Vassili Sergnevich,' said I. 'What's the good of it? You just throw away +the past, as though it had never happened, as though it were only a +dream, and start life afresh. Don't listen to the devil,' I said, 'he +won't do you any good, and he will only tighten the noose. You want +money now, but in a little while you will want something else, and then +more and more. If,' said I, 'you want to be happy you must want nothing. +Exactly.... If,' I said, 'fate has been hard on you and me, it is no +good asking her for charity and falling at her feet. We must ignore her +and laugh at her.' That's what I said to him.... Two years later I +ferried him over and he rubbed his hands and laughed. 'I'm going,' said +he, 'to Guyrin to meet my wife. She has taken pity on me, she says, and +she is coming here. She is very kind and good.' And he gave a gasp of +joy. Then one day he came with his wife, a beautiful young lady with a +little girl in her arms and a lot of luggage. And Vassili Andreich kept +turning and looking at her and could not look at her or praise her +enough. 'Yes, Simeon, my friend, even in Siberia people live.' Well, +thought I, all right, you won't be content. And from that time on, mark +you, he used to go to Guyrin every week to find out if money had been +sent from Russia. A terrible lot of money was wasted. 'She stays here,' +said he, 'for my sake, and her youth and beauty wither away here in +Siberia. She shares my bitter lot with me,' said he, 'and I must give +her all the pleasure I can for it....' To make his wife happier he took +up with the officials and any kind of rubbish. And they couldn't have +company without giving food and drink, and they must have a piano and a +fluffy little dog on the sofa--bad cess to it.... Luxury, in a word, all +kinds of tricks. My lady did not stay with him long. How could she? +Clay, water, cold, no vegetables, no fruit; uneducated people and +drunkards, with no manners, and she was a pretty pampered young lady +from the metropolis.... Of course she got bored. And her husband was no +longer a gentleman, but an exile--quite a different matter. Three years +later, I remember, on the eve of the Assumption, I heard shouts from the +other bank. I went over in the ferry and saw my lady, all wrapped up, +with a young gentleman, a government official, in a troika.... I ferried +them across, they got into the carriage and disappeared, and I saw no +more of them. Toward the morning Vassili Andreich came racing up in a +coach and pair. 'Has my wife been across, Simeon, with a gentleman in +spectacles?' 'She has,' said I, 'but you might as well look for the wind +in the fields.' He raced after them and kept it up for five days and +nights. When he came back he jumped on to the ferry and began to knock +his head against the side and to cry aloud. 'You see,' said I, 'there +you are.' And I laughed and reminded him: 'Even in Siberia people live.' +But he went on beating his head harder than ever.... Then he got the +desire for freedom. His wife had gone to Russia and he longed to go +there to see her and take her away from her lover. And he began to go to +the post-office every day, and then to the authorities of the town. He +was always sending applications or personally handing them to the +authorities, asking to have his term remitted and to be allowed to go, +and he told me that he had spent over two hundred roubles on telegrams. +He sold his land and mortgaged his house to the money-lenders. His hair +went grey, he grew round-shouldered, and his face got yellow and +consumptive-looking. He used to cough whenever he spoke and tears used +to come to his eyes. He spent eight years on his applications, and at +last he became happy again and lively: he had thought of a new dodge. +His daughter, you see, had grown up. He doted on her and could never +take his eyes off her. And, indeed, she was very pretty, dark and +clever. Every Sunday he used to go to church with her at Guyrin. They +would stand side by side on the ferry, and she would smile and he would +devour her with his eyes. 'Yes, Simeon,' he would say. 'Even in Siberia +people live. Even in Siberia there is happiness. Look what a fine +daughter I have. You wouldn't find one like her in a thousand miles' +journey.' 'She's a nice girl,' said I. 'Oh, yes.' ... And I thought to +myself: 'You wait.... She is young. Young blood will have its way; she +wants to live and what life is there here?' And she began to pine +away.... Wasting, wasting away, she withered away, fell ill and had to +keep to her bed.... Consumption. That's Siberian happiness, plague take +it; that's Siberian life.... He rushed all over the place after the +doctors and dragged them home with him. If he heard of a doctor or a +quack three hundred miles off he would rush off after him. He spent a +terrific amount of money on doctors and I think it would have been much +better spent on drink. All the same she had to die. No help for it. Then +it was all up with him. He thought of hanging himself, and of trying to +escape to Russia. That would be the end of him. He would try to escape: +he would be caught, tried, penal servitude, flogging." + +"Good! Good!" muttered the Tartar with a shiver. + +"What is good?" asked Brains. + +"Wife and daughter. What does penal servitude and suffering matter? He +saw his wife and his daughter. You say one should want nothing. But +nothing--is evil! His wife spent three years with him. God gave him +that. Nothing is evil, and three years is good. Why don't you understand +that?" + +Trembling and stammering as he groped for Russian words, of which he +knew only a few, the Tartar began to say: "God forbid he should fall ill +among strangers, and die and be buried in the cold sodden earth, and +then, if his wife could come to him if only for one day or even for one +hour, he would gladly endure any torture for such happiness, and would +even thank God. Better one day of happiness than nothing." + +Then once more he said what a beautiful clever wife he had left at home, +and with his head in his hands he began to cry and assured Simeon that +he was innocent, and had been falsely accused. His two brothers and his +uncle had stolen some horses from a peasant and beat the old man nearly +to death, and the community never looked into the matter at all, and +judgment was passed by which all three brothers were exiled to Siberia, +while his uncle, a rich man, remained at home. + +"You will get used to it," said Simeon. + +The Tartar relapsed into silence and stared into the fire with his eyes +red from weeping; he looked perplexed and frightened, as if he could not +understand why he was in the cold and the darkness, among strangers, and +not in the province of Simbirsk. Brains lay down near the fire, smiled +at something, and began to say in an undertone: + +"But what a joy she must be to your father," he muttered after a pause. +"He loves her and she is a comfort to him, eh? But, my man, don't tell +me. He is a strict, harsh old man. And girls don't want strictness; they +want kisses and laughter, scents and pomade. Yes.... Ah! What a life!" +Simeon swore heavily. "No more vodka! That means bedtime. What? I'm +going, my man." + +Left alone, the Tartar threw more branches on the fire, lay down, and, +looking into the blaze, began to think of his native village and of his +wife; if she could come if only for a month, or even a day, and then, if +she liked, go back again! Better a month or even a day, than nothing. +But even if his wife kept her promise and came, how could he provide for +her? Where was she to live? + +"If there is nothing to eat; how are we to live?" asked the Tartar +aloud. + +For working at the oars day and night he was paid two copecks a day; the +passengers gave tips, but the ferrymen shared them out and gave nothing +to the Tartar, and only laughed at him. And he was poor, cold, hungry, +and fearful.... With his whole body aching and shivering he thought it +would be good to go into the hut and sleep; but there was nothing to +cover himself with, and it was colder there than on the bank. He had +nothing to cover himself with there, but he could make up a fire.... + +In a week's time, when the floods had subsided and the ferry would be +fixed up, all the ferrymen except Simeon would not be wanted any longer +and the Tartar would have to go from village to village, begging and +looking for work. His wife was only seventeen; beautiful, soft, and +shy.... Could she go unveiled begging through the villages? No. The idea +of it was horrible. + +It was already dawn. The barges, the bushy willows above the water, the +swirling flood began to take shape, and up above in a clayey cliff a hut +thatched with straw, and above that the straggling houses of the +village, where the cocks had begun to crow. + +The ginger-coloured clay cliff, the barge, the river, the strange wild +people, hunger, cold, illness--perhaps all these things did not really +exist. Perhaps, thought the Tartar, it was only a dream. He felt that he +must be asleep, and he heard his own snoring.... Certainly he was at +home in the Simbirsk province; he had but to call his wife and she would +answer; and his mother was in the next room.... But what awful dreams +there are! Why? The Tartar smiled and opened his eyes. What river was +that? The Volga? + +It was snowing. + +"Hi! Ferry!" some one shouted on the other bank. "_Karba-a-ass!_" + +The Tartar awoke and went to fetch his mates to row over to the other +side. Hurrying into their sheepskins, swearing sleepily in hoarse +voices, and shivering from the cold, the four men appeared on the bank. +After their sleep, the river from which there came a piercing blast, +seemed to them horrible and disgusting. They stepped slowly into the +barge.... The Tartar and the three ferrymen took the long, broad-bladed +oars, which in the dim light looked like a crab's claw, and Simeon flung +himself with his belly against the tiller. And on the other side the +voice kept on shouting, and a revolver was fired twice, for the man +probably thought the ferrymen were asleep or gone to the village inn. + +"All right. Plenty of time!" said Brains in the tone of one who was +convinced that there is no need for hurry in this world--and indeed +there is no reason for it. + +The heavy, clumsy barge left the bank and heaved through the willows, +and by the willows slowly receding it was possible to tell that the +barge was moving. The ferrymen plied the oars with a slow measured +stroke; Brains hung over the tiller with his stomach pressed against it +and swung from side to side. In the dim light they looked like men +sitting on some antediluvian animal with long limbs, swimming out to a +cold dismal nightmare country. + +They got clear of the willows and swung out into mid-stream. The thud of +the oars and the splash could be heard on the other bank and shouts +came: "Quicker! Quicker!" After another ten minutes the barge bumped +heavily against the landing-stage. + +"And it is still snowing, snowing all the time," Simeon murmured, wiping +the snow off his face. "God knows where it comes from!" + +On the other side a tall, lean old man was waiting in a short fox-fur +coat and a white astrachan hat. He was standing some distance from his +horses and did not move; he had a stern concentrated expression as if he +were trying to remember something and were furious with his recalcitrant +memory. When Simeon went up to him and took off his hat with a smile he +said: + +"I'm in a hurry to get to Anastasievka. My daughter is worse again and +they tell me there's a new doctor at Anastasievka." + +The coach was clamped onto the barge and they rowed back. All the while +as they rowed the man, whom Simeon called Vassili Andreich, stood +motionless, pressing his thick lips tight and staring in front of him. +When the driver craved leave to smoke in his presence, he answered +nothing, as if he did not hear. And Simeon hung over the rudder and +looked at him mockingly and said: + +"Even in Siberia people live. L-i-v-e!" + +On Brains's face was a triumphant expression as if he were proving +something, as if pleased that things had happened just as he thought +they would. The unhappy, helpless look of the man in the fox-fur coat +seemed to give him great pleasure. + +"The roads are now muddy, Vassili Andreich," he said, when the horses +had been harnessed on the bank. "You'd better wait a couple of weeks, +until it gets dryer.... If there were any point in going--but you know +yourself that people are always on the move day and night and there's no +point in it. Sure!" + +Vassili Andreich said nothing, gave him a tip, took his seat in the +coach and drove away. + +"Look! He's gone galloping after the doctor!" said Simeon, shivering in +the cold. "Yes. To look for a real doctor, trying to overtake the wind +in the fields, and catch the devil by the tail, plague take him! What +queer fish there are! God forgive me, a miserable sinner." + +The Tartar went up to Brains, and, looking at him with mingled hatred +and disgust, trembling, and mixing Tartar words up with his broken +Russian, said: + +"He good ... good. And you ... bad! You are bad! The gentleman is a good +soul, very good, and you are a beast, you are bad! The gentleman is +alive and you are dead.... God made man that he should be alive, that he +should have happiness, sorrow, grief, and you want nothing, so you are +not alive, but a stone! A stone wants nothing and so do you.... You are +a stone--and God does not love you and the gentleman he does." + +They all began to laugh: the Tartar furiously knit his brows, waved his +hand, drew his rags round him and went to the fire. The ferrymen and +Simeon went slowly to the hut. + +"It's cold," said one of the ferrymen hoarsely, as he stretched himself +on the straw with which the damp, clay floor was covered. + +"Yes. It's not warm," another agreed.... "It's a hard life." + +All of them lay down. The wind blew the door open. The snow drifted into +the hut. Nobody could bring himself to get up and shut the door; it was +cold, but they put up with it. + +"And I am happy," muttered Simeon as he fell asleep. "God give such a +life to everybody." + +"You certainly are the devil's own. Even the devil don't need to take +you." + +Sounds like the barking of a dog came from outside. + +"Who is that? Who is there?" + +"It's the Tartar crying." + +"Oh! he's a queer fish." + +"He'll get used to it!" said Simeon, and at once he fell asleep. Soon +the others slept too and the door was left open. + + + + +THE LADY WITH THE TOY DOG + + +It was reported that a new face had been seen on the quay; a lady with a +little dog. Dimitri Dimitrich Gomov, who had been a fortnight at Talta +and had got used to it, had begun to show an interest in new faces. As +he sat in the pavilion at Verné's he saw a young lady, blond and fairly +tall, and wearing a broad-brimmed hat, pass along the quay. After her +ran a white Pomeranian. + +Later he saw her in the park and in the square several times a day. She +walked by herself, always in the same broad-brimmed hat, and with this +white dog. Nobody knew who she was, and she was spoken of as the lady +with the toy dog. + +"If," thought Gomov, "if she is here without a husband or a friend, it +would be as well to make her acquaintance." + +He was not yet forty, but he had a daughter of twelve and two boys at +school. He had married young, in his second year at the University, and +now his wife seemed half as old again as himself. She was a tall woman, +with dark eyebrows, erect, grave, stolid, and she thought herself an +intellectual woman. She read a great deal, called her husband not +Dimitri, but Demitri, and in his private mind he thought her +short-witted, narrow-minded, and ungracious. He was afraid of her and +disliked being at home. He had begun to betray her with other women long +ago, betrayed her frequently, and, probably for that reason nearly +always spoke ill of women, and when they were discussed in his presence +he would maintain that they were an inferior race. + +It seemed to him that his experience was bitter enough to give him the +right to call them any name he liked, but he could not live a couple of +days without the "inferior race." With men he was bored and ill at ease, +cold and unable to talk, but when he was with women, he felt easy and +knew what to talk about, and how to behave, and even when he was silent +with them he felt quite comfortable. In his appearance as in his +character, indeed in his whole nature, there was something attractive, +indefinable, which drew women to him and charmed them; he knew it, and +he, too, was drawn by some mysterious power to them. + +His frequent, and, indeed, bitter experiences had taught him long ago +that every affair of that kind, at first a divine diversion, a delicious +smooth adventure, is in the end a source of worry for a decent man, +especially for men like those at Moscow who are slow to move, +irresolute, domesticated, for it becomes at last an acute and +extraordinary complicated problem and a nuisance. But whenever he met +and was interested in a new woman, then his experience would slip away +from his memory, and he would long to live, and everything would seem so +simple and amusing. + +And it so happened that one evening he dined in the gardens, and the +lady in the broad-brimmed hat came up at a leisurely pace and sat at the +next table. Her expression, her gait, her dress, her coiffure told him +that she belonged to society, that she was married, that she was paying +her first visit to Talta, that she was alone, and that she was bored.... +There is a great deal of untruth in the gossip about the immorality of +the place. He scorned such tales, knowing that they were for the most +part concocted by people who would be only too ready to sin if they had +the chance, but when the lady sat down at the next table, only a yard or +two away from him, his thoughts were filled with tales of easy +conquests, of trips to the mountains; and he was suddenly possessed by +the alluring idea of a quick transitory liaison, a moment's affair with +an unknown woman whom he knew not even by name. + +He beckoned to the little dog, and when it came up to him, wagged his +finger at it. The dog began to growl. Gomov again wagged his finger. + +The lady glanced at him and at once cast her eyes down. + +"He won't bite," she said and blushed. + +"May I give him a bone?"--and when she nodded emphatically, he asked +affably: "Have you been in Talta long?" + +"About five days." + +"And I am just dragging through my second week." + +They were silent for a while. + +"Time goes quickly," she said, "and it is amazingly boring here." + +"It is the usual thing to say that it is boring here. People live quite +happily in dull holes like Bieliev or Zhidra, but as soon as they come +here they say: 'How boring it is! The very dregs of dullness!' One would +think they came from Spain." + +She smiled. Then both went on eating in silence as though they did not +know each other; but after dinner they went off together--and then +began an easy, playful conversation as though they were perfectly happy, +and it was all one to them where they went or what they talked of. They +walked and talked of how the sea was strangely luminous; the water +lilac, so soft and warm, and athwart it the moon cast a golden streak. +They said how stifling it was after the hot day. Gomov told her how he +came from Moscow and was a philologist by education, but in a bank by +profession; and how he had once wanted to sing in opera, but gave it up; +and how he had two houses in Moscow.... And from her he learned that she +came from Petersburg, was born there, but married at S. where she had +been living for the last two years; that she would stay another month at +Talta, and perhaps her husband would come for her, because, he too, +needed a rest. She could not tell him what her husband was--Provincial +Administration or Zemstvo Council--and she seemed to think it funny. And +Gomov found out that her name was Anna Sergueyevna. + +In his room at night, he thought of her and how they would meet next +day. They must do so. As he was going to sleep, it struck him that she +could only lately have left school, and had been at her lessons even as +his daughter was then; he remembered how bashful and gauche she was when +she laughed and talked with a stranger--it must be, he thought, the +first time she had been alone, and in such a place with men walking +after her and looking at her and talking to her, all with the same +secret purpose which she could not but guess. He thought of her slender +white neck and her pretty, grey eyes. + +"There is something touching about her," he thought as he began to fall +asleep. + + +II + +A week passed. It was a blazing day. Indoors it was stifling, and in the +streets the dust whirled along. All day long he was plagued with thirst +and he came into the pavilion every few minutes and offered Anna +Sergueyevna an iced drink or an ice. It was impossibly hot. + +In the evening, when the air was fresher, they walked to the jetty to +see the steamer come in. There was quite a crowd all gathered to meet +somebody, for they carried bouquets. And among them were clearly marked +the peculiarities of Talta: the elderly ladies were youngly dressed and +there were many generals. + +The sea was rough and the steamer was late, and before it turned into +the jetty it had to do a great deal of manoeuvring. Anna Sergueyevna +looked through her lorgnette at the steamer and the passengers as though +she were looking for friends, and when she turned to Gomov, her eyes +shone. She talked much and her questions were abrupt, and she forgot +what she had said; and then she lost her lorgnette in the crowd. + +The well-dressed people went away, the wind dropped, and Gomov and Anna +Sergueyevna stood as though they were waiting for somebody to come from +the steamer. Anna Sergueyevna was silent. She smelled her flowers and +did not look at Gomov. + +"The weather has got pleasanter toward evening," he said. "Where shall +we go now? Shall we take a carriage?" + +She did not answer. + +He fixed his eyes on her and suddenly embraced her and kissed her lips, +and he was kindled with the perfume and the moisture of the flowers; at +once he started and looked round; had not some one seen? + +"Let us go to your--" he murmured. + +And they walked quickly away. + +Her room was stifling, and smelled of scents which she had bought at the +Japanese shop. Gomov looked at her and thought: "What strange chances +there are in life!" From the past there came the memory of earlier +good-natured women, gay in their love, grateful to him for their +happiness, short though it might be; and of others--like his wife--who +loved without sincerity, and talked overmuch and affectedly, +hysterically, as though they were protesting that it was not love, nor +passion, but something more important; and of the few beautiful cold +women, into whose eyes there would flash suddenly a fierce expression, a +stubborn desire to take, to snatch from life more than it can give; they +were no longer in their first youth, they were capricious, unstable, +domineering, imprudent, and when Gomov became cold toward them then +their beauty roused him to hatred, and the lace on their lingerie +reminded him of the scales of fish. + +But here there was the shyness and awkwardness of inexperienced youth, a +feeling of constraint; an impression of perplexity and wonder, as though +some one had suddenly knocked at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, "the lady +with the toy dog" took what had happened somehow seriously, with a +particular gravity, as though thinking that this was her downfall and +very strange and improper. Her features seemed to sink and wither, and +on either side of her face her long hair hung mournfully down; she sat +crestfallen and musing, exactly like a woman taken in sin in some old +picture. + +"It is not right," she said. "You are the first to lose respect for me." + +There was a melon on the table. Gomov cut a slice and began to eat it +slowly. At least half an hour passed in silence. + +Anna Sergueyevna was very touching; she irradiated the purity of a +simple, devout, inexperienced woman; the solitary candle on the table +hardly lighted her face, but it showed her very wretched. + +"Why should I cease to respect you?" asked Gomov. "You don't know what +you are saying." + +"God forgive me!" she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "It is +horrible." + +"You seem to want to justify yourself." + +"How can I justify myself? I am a wicked, low woman and I despise +myself. I have no thought of justifying myself. It is not my husband +that I have deceived, but myself. And not only now but for a long time +past. My husband may be a good honest man, but he is a lackey. I do not +know what work he does, but I do know that he is a lackey in his soul. I +was twenty when I married him. I was overcome by curiosity. I longed for +something. 'Surely,' I said to myself, 'there is another kind of life.' +I longed to live! To live, and to live.... Curiosity burned me up.... +You do not understand it, but I swear by God, I could no longer control +myself. Something strange was going on in me. I could not hold myself +in. I told my husband that I was ill and came here.... And here I have +been walking about dizzily, like a lunatic.... And now I have become a +low, filthy woman whom everybody may despise." + +Gomov was already bored; her simple words irritated him with their +unexpected and inappropriate repentance; but for the tears in her eyes +he might have thought her to be joking or playing a part. + +"I do not understand," he said quietly. "What do you want?" + +She hid her face in his bosom and pressed close to him. + +"Believe, believe me, I implore you," she said. "I love a pure, honest +life, and sin is revolting to me. I don't know myself what I am doing. +Simple people say: 'The devil entrapped me,' and I can say of myself: +'The Evil One tempted me.'" + +"Don't, don't," he murmured. + +He looked into her staring, frightened eyes, kissed her, spoke quietly +and tenderly, and gradually quieted her and she was happy again, and +they both began to laugh. + +Later, when they went out, there was not a soul on the quay; the town +with its cypresses looked like a city of the dead, but the sea still +roared and broke against the shore; a boat swung on the waves; and in +it sleepily twinkled the light of a lantern. + +They found a cab and drove out to the Oreanda. + +"Just now in the hall," said Gomov, "I discovered your name written on +the board--von Didenitz. Is your husband a German?" + +"No. His grandfather, I believe, was a German, but he himself is an +Orthodox Russian." + +At Oreanda they sat on a bench, not far from the church, looked down at +the sea and were silent. Talta was hardly visible through the morning +mist. The tops of the hills were shrouded in motionless white clouds. +The leaves of the trees never stirred, the cicadas trilled, and the +monotonous dull sound of the sea, coming up from below, spoke of the +rest, the eternal sleep awaiting us. So the sea roared when there was +neither Talta nor Oreanda, and so it roars and will roar, dully, +indifferently when we shall be no more. And in this continual +indifference to the life and death of each of us, lives pent up, the +pledge of our eternal salvation, of the uninterrupted movement of life +on earth and its unceasing perfection. Sitting side by side with a young +woman, who in the dawn seemed so beautiful, Gomov, appeased and +enchanted by the sight of the fairy scene, the sea, the mountains, the +clouds, the wide sky, thought how at bottom, if it were thoroughly +explored, everything on earth was beautiful, everything, except what we +ourselves think and do when we forget the higher purposes of life and +our own human dignity. + +A man came up--a coast-guard--gave a look at them, then went away. He, +too, seemed mysterious and enchanted. A steamer came over from +Feodossia, by the light of the morning star, its own lights already put +out. + +"There is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergueyevna after a silence. + +"Yes. It is time to go home." + +They returned to the town. + +Then every afternoon they met on the quay, and lunched together, dined, +walked, enjoyed the sea. She complained that she slept badly, that her +heart beat alarmingly. She would ask the same question over and over +again, and was troubled now by jealousy, now by fear that he did not +sufficiently respect her. And often in the square or the gardens, when +there was no one near, he would draw her close and kiss her +passionately. Their complete idleness, these kisses in the full +daylight, given timidly and fearfully lest any one should see, the heat, +the smell of the sea and the continual brilliant parade of leisured, +well-dressed, well-fed people almost regenerated him. He would tell Anna +Sergueyevna how delightful she was, how tempting. He was impatiently +passionate, never left her side, and she would often brood, and even +asked him to confess that he did not respect her, did not love her at +all, and only saw in her a loose woman. Almost every evening, rather +late, they would drive out of the town, to Oreanda, or to the waterfall; +and these drives were always delightful, and the impressions won during +them were always beautiful and sublime. + +They expected her husband to come. But he sent a letter in which he said +that his eyes were bad and implored his wife to come home. Anna +Sergueyevna began to worry. + +"It is a good thing I am going away," she would say to Gomov. "It is +fate." + +She went in a carriage and he accompanied her. They drove for a whole +day. When she took her seat in the car of an express-train and when the +second bell sounded, she said: + +"Let me have another look at you.... Just one more look. Just as you +are." + +She did not cry, but was sad and low-spirited, and her lips trembled. + +"I will think of you--often," she said. "Good-bye. Good-bye. Don't think +ill of me. We part for ever. We must, because we ought not to have met +at all. Now, good-bye." + +The train moved off rapidly. Its lights disappeared, and in a minute or +two the sound of it was lost, as though everything were agreed to put an +end to this sweet, oblivious madness. Left alone on the platform, +looking into the darkness, Gomov heard the trilling of the grasshoppers +and the humming of the telegraph-wires, and felt as though he had just +woke up. And he thought that it had been one more adventure, one more +affair, and it also was finished and had left only a memory. He was +moved, sad, and filled with a faint remorse; surely the young woman, +whom he would never see again, had not been happy with him; he had been +kind to her, friendly, and sincere, but still in his attitude toward +her, in his tone and caresses, there had always been a thin shadow of +raillery, the rather rough arrogance of the successful male aggravated +by the fact that he was twice as old as she. And all the time she had +called him kind, remarkable, noble, so that he was never really himself +to her, and had involuntarily deceived her.... + +Here at the station, the smell of autumn was in the air, and the evening +was cool. + +"It is time for me to go North," thought Gomov, as he left the platform. +"It is time." + + +III + +At home in Moscow, it was already like winter; the stoves were heated, +and in the mornings, when the children were getting ready to go to +school, and had their tea, it was dark and their nurse lighted the lamp +for a short while. The frost had already begun. When the first snow +falls, the first day of driving in sledges, it is good to see the white +earth, the white roofs; one breathes easily, eagerly, and then one +remembers the days of youth. The old lime-trees and birches, white with +hoarfrost, have a kindly expression; they are nearer to the heart than +cypresses and palm-trees, and with the dear familiar trees there is no +need to think of mountains and the sea. + +Gomov was a native of Moscow. He returned to Moscow on a fine frosty +day, and when he donned his fur coat and warm gloves, and took a stroll +through Petrovka, and when on Saturday evening he heard the church-bells +ringing, then his recent travels and the places he had visited lost all +their charm. Little by little he sank back into Moscow life, read +eagerly three newspapers a day, and said that he did not read Moscow +papers as a matter of principle. He was drawn into a round of +restaurants, clubs, dinner-parties, parties, and he was flattered to +have his house frequented by famous lawyers and actors, and to play +cards with a professor at the University club. He could eat a whole +plateful of hot _sielianka_. + +So a month would pass, and Anna Sergueyevna, he thought, would be lost +in the mists of memory and only rarely would she visit his dreams with +her touching smile, just as other women had done. But more than a month +passed, full winter came, and in his memory everything was clear, as +though he had parted from Anna Sergueyevna only yesterday. And his +memory was lit by a light that grew ever stronger. No matter how, +through the voices of his children saying their lessons, penetrating to +the evening stillness of his study, through hearing a song, or the music +in a restaurant, or the snow-storm howling in the chimney, suddenly the +whole thing would come to life again in his memory: the meeting on the +jetty, the early morning with the mists on the mountains, the steamer +from Feodossia and their kisses. He would pace up and down his room and +remember it all and smile, and then his memories would drift into +dreams, and the past was confused in his imagination with the future. He +did not dream at night of Anna Sergueyevna, but she followed him +everywhere, like a shadow, watching him. As he shut his eyes, he could +see her, vividly, and she seemed handsomer, tenderer, younger than in +reality; and he seemed to himself better than he had been at Talta. In +the evenings she would look at him from the bookcase, from the +fireplace, from the corner; he could hear her breathing and the soft +rustle of her dress. In the street he would gaze at women's faces to see +if there were not one like her.... + +He was filled with a great longing to share his memories with some one. +But at home it was impossible to speak of his love, and away from +home--there was no one. Impossible to talk of her to the other people in +the house and the men at the bank. And talk of what? Had he loved then? +Was there anything fine, romantic, or elevating or even interesting in +his relations with Anna Sergueyevna? And he would speak vaguely of love, +of women, and nobody guessed what was the matter, and only his wife +would raise her dark eyebrows and say: + +"Demitri, the rôle of coxcomb does not suit you at all." + +One night, as he was coming out of the club with his partner, an +official, he could not help saying: + +"If only I could tell what a fascinating woman I met at Talta." + +The official seated himself in his sledge and drove off, but suddenly +called: + +"Dimitri Dimitrich!" + +"Yes." + +"You were right. The sturgeon was tainted." + +These banal words suddenly roused Gomov's indignation. They seemed to +him degrading and impure. What barbarous customs and people! + +What preposterous nights, what dull, empty days! Furious card-playing, +gourmandising, drinking, endless conversations about the same things, +futile activities and conversations taking up the best part of the day +and all the best of a man's forces, leaving only a stunted, wingless +life, just rubbish; and to go away and escape was impossible--one might +as well be in a lunatic asylum or in prison with hard labour. + +Gomov did not sleep that night, but lay burning with indignation, and +then all next day he had a headache. And the following night he slept +badly, sitting up in bed and thinking, or pacing from corner to corner +of his room. His children bored him, the bank bored him, and he had no +desire to go out or to speak to any one. + +In December when the holidays came he prepared to go on a journey and +told his wife he was going to Petersburg to present a petition for a +young friend of his--and went to S. Why? He did not know. He wanted to +see Anna Sergueyevna, to talk to her, and if possible to arrange an +assignation. + +He arrived at S. in the morning and occupied the best room in the hotel, +where the whole floor was covered with a grey canvas, and on the table +there stood an inkstand grey with dust, adorned with a horseman on a +headless horse holding a net in his raised hand. The porter gave him the +necessary information: von Didenitz; Old Goucharno Street, his own +house--not far from the hotel; lives well, has his own horses, every one +knows him. + +Gomov walked slowly to Old Goucharno Street and found the house. In +front of it was a long, grey fence spiked with nails. + +"No getting over a fence like that," thought Gomov, glancing from the +windows to the fence. + +He thought: "To-day is a holiday and her husband is probably at home. +Besides it would be tactless to call and upset her. If he sent a note +then it might fall into her husband's hands and spoil everything. It +would be better to wait for an opportunity." And he kept on walking up +and down the street, and round the fence, waiting for his opportunity. +He saw a beggar go in at the gate and the dogs attack him. He heard a +piano and the sounds came faintly to his ears. It must be Anna +Sergueyevna playing. The door suddenly opened and out of it came an old +woman, and after her ran the familiar white Pomeranian. Gomov wanted to +call the dog, but his heart suddenly began to thump and in his agitation +he could not remember the dog's name. + +He walked on, and more and more he hated the grey fence and thought with +a gust of irritation that Anna Sergueyevna had already forgotten him, +and was perhaps already amusing herself with some one else, as would be +only natural in a young woman forced from morning to night to behold the +accursed fence. He returned to his room and sat for a long time on the +sofa, not knowing what to do. Then he dined and afterward slept for a +long while. + +"How idiotic and tiresome it all is," he thought as he awoke and saw the +dark windows; for it was evening. "I've had sleep enough, and what shall +I do to-night?" + +He sat on his bed which was covered with a cheap, grey blanket, exactly +like those used in a hospital, and tormented himself. + +"So much for the lady with the toy dog.... So much for the great +adventure.... Here you sit." + +However, in the morning, at the station, his eye had been caught by a +poster with large letters: "First Performance of 'The Geisha.'" He +remembered that and went to the theatre. + +"It is quite possible she will go to the first performance," he thought. + + +The theatre was full and, as usual in all provincial theatres, there was +a thick mist above the lights, the gallery was noisily restless; in the +first row before the opening of the performance stood the local dandies +with their hands behind their backs, and there in the governor's box, in +front, sat the governor's daughter, and the governor himself sat +modestly behind the curtain and only his hands were visible. The curtain +quivered; the orchestra tuned up for a long time, and while the audience +were coming in and taking their seats, Gomov gazed eagerly round. + +At last Anna Sergueyevna came in. She took her seat in the third row, +and when Gomov glanced at her his heart ached and he knew that for him +there was no one in the whole world nearer, dearer, and more important +than she; she was lost in this provincial rabble, the little +undistinguished woman, with a common lorgnette in her hands, yet she +filled his whole life; she was his grief, his joy, his only happiness, +and he longed for her; and through the noise of the bad orchestra with +its tenth-rate fiddles, he thought how dear she was to him. He thought +and dreamed. + +With Anna Sergueyevna there came in a young man with short +side-whiskers, very tall, stooping; with every movement he shook and +bowed continually. Probably he was the husband whom in a bitter mood at +Talta she had called a lackey. And, indeed, in his long figure, his +side-whiskers, the little bald patch on the top of his head, there was +something of the lackey; he had a modest sugary smile and in his +buttonhole he wore a University badge exactly like a lackey's number. + +In the first entr'acte the husband went out to smoke, and she was left +alone. Gomov, who was also in the pit, came up to her and said in a +trembling voice with a forced smile: + +"How do you do?" + +She looked up at him and went pale. Then she glanced at him again in +terror, not believing her eyes, clasped her fan and lorgnette tightly +together, apparently struggling to keep herself from fainting. Both were +silent. She sat, he stood; frightened by her emotion, not daring to sit +down beside her. The fiddles and flutes began to play and suddenly it +seemed to them as though all the people in the boxes were looking at +them. She got up and walked quickly to the exit; he followed, and both +walked absently along the corridors, down the stairs, up the stairs, +with the crowd shifting and shimmering before their eyes; all kinds of +uniforms, judges, teachers, crown-estates, and all with badges; ladies +shone and shimmered before them, like fur coats on moving rows of +clothes-pegs, and there was a draught howling through the place laden +with the smell of tobacco and cigar-ends. And Gomov, whose heart was +thudding wildly, thought: + +"Oh, Lord! Why all these men and that beastly orchestra?" + +At that very moment he remembered how when he had seen Anna Sergueyevna +off that evening at the station he had said to himself that everything +was over between them, and they would never meet again. And now how far +off they were from the end! + +On a narrow, dark staircase over which was written: "This Way to the +Amphitheatre," she stopped: + +"How you frightened me!" she said, breathing heavily, still pale and +apparently stupefied. "Oh! how you frightened me! I am nearly dead. Why +did you come? Why?" + +"Understand me, Anna," he whispered quickly. "I implore you to +understand...." + +She looked at him fearfully, in entreaty, with love in her eyes, gazing +fixedly to gather up in her memory every one of his features. + +"I suffer so!" she went on, not listening to him. "All the time, I +thought only of you. I lived with thoughts of you.... And I wanted to +forget, to forget, but why, why did you come?" + +A little above them, on the landing, two schoolboys stood and smoked and +looked down at them, but Gomov did not care. He drew her to him and +began to kiss her cheeks, her hands. + +"What are you doing? What are you doing?" she said in terror, thrusting +him away.... "We were both mad. Go away to-night. You must go away at +once.... I implore you, by everything you hold sacred, I implore you.... +The people are coming-----" + +Some one passed them on the stairs. + +"You must go away," Anna Sergueyevna went on in a whisper. "Do you hear, +Dimitri Dimitrich? I'll come to you in Moscow. I never was happy. Now I +am unhappy and I shall never, never be happy, never! Don't make me +suffer even more! I swear, I'll come to Moscow. And now let us part. My +dear, dearest darling, let us part!" + +She pressed his hand and began to go quickly down-stairs, all the while +looking back at him, and in her eyes plainly showed that she was most +unhappy. Gomov stood for a while, listened, then, when all was quiet he +found his coat and left the theatre. + + +IV + +And Anna Sergueyevna began to come to him in Moscow. Once every two or +three months she would leave S., telling her husband that she was going +to consult a specialist in women's diseases. Her husband half believed +and half disbelieved her. At Moscow she would stay at the "Slaviansky +Bazaar" and send a message at once to Gomov. He would come to her, and +nobody in Moscow knew. + +Once as he was going to her as usual one winter morning--he had not +received her message the night before--he had his daughter with him, for +he was taking her to school which was on the way. Great wet flakes of +snow were falling. + +"Three degrees above freezing," he said, "and still the snow is falling. +But the warmth is only on the surface of the earth. In the upper strata +of the atmosphere there is quite a different temperature." + +"Yes, papa. Why is there no thunder in winter?" + +He explained this too, and as he spoke he thought of his assignation, +and that not a living soul knew of it, or ever would know. He had two +lives; one obvious, which every one could see and know, if they were +sufficiently interested, a life full of conventional truth and +conventional fraud, exactly like the lives of his friends and +acquaintances; and another, which moved underground. And by a strange +conspiracy of circumstances, everything that was to him important, +interesting, vital, everything that enabled him to be sincere and denied +self-deception and was the very core of his being, must dwell hidden +away from others, and everything that made him false, a mere shape in +which he hid himself in order to conceal the truth, as for instance his +work in the bank, arguments at the club, his favourite gibe about women, +going to parties with his wife--all this was open. And, judging others +by himself, he did not believe the things he saw, and assumed that +everybody else also had his real vital life passing under a veil of +mystery as under the cover of the night. Every man's intimate existence +is kept mysterious, and perhaps, in part, because of that civilised +people are so nervously anxious that a personal secret should be +respected. + +When he had left his daughter at school, Gomov went to the "Slaviansky +Bazaar." He took off his fur coat down-stairs, went up and knocked +quietly at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, wearing his favourite grey dress, +tired by the journey, had been expecting him to come all night. She was +pale, and looked at him without a smile, and flung herself on his breast +as soon as he entered. Their kiss was long and lingering as though they +had not seen each other for a couple of years. + +"Well, how are you getting on down there?" he asked. "What is your +news?" + +"Wait. I'll tell you presently.... I cannot." + +She could not speak, for she was weeping. She turned her face from him +and dried her eyes. + +"Well, let her cry a bit.... I'll wait," he thought, and sat down. + +Then he rang and ordered tea, and then, as he drank it, she stood and +gazed out of the window.... She was weeping in distress, in the bitter +knowledge that their life had fallen out so sadly; only seeing each +other in secret, hiding themselves away like thieves! Was not their life +crushed? + +"Don't cry.... Don't cry," he said. + +It was clear to him that their love was yet far from its end, which +there was no seeing. Anna Sergueyevna was more and more passionately +attached to him; she adored him and it was inconceivable that he should +tell her that their love must some day end; she would not believe it. + +He came up to her and patted her shoulder fondly and at that moment he +saw himself in the mirror. + +His hair was already going grey. And it seemed strange to him that in +the last few years he should have got so old and ugly. Her shoulders +were warm and trembled to his touch. He was suddenly filled with pity +for her life, still so warm and beautiful, but probably beginning to +fade and wither, like his own. Why should she love him so much? He +always seemed to women not what he really was, and they loved in him, +not himself, but the creature of their imagination, the thing they +hankered for in life, and when they had discovered their mistake, still +they loved him. And not one of them was happy with him. Time passed; he +met women and was friends with them, went further and parted, but never +once did he love; there was everything but love. + +And now at last when his hair was grey he had fallen in love, real +love--for the first time in his life. + +Anna Sergueyevna and he loved one another, like dear kindred, like +husband and wife, like devoted friends; it seemed to them that Fate had +destined them for one another, and it was inconceivable that he should +have a wife, she a husband; they were like two birds of passage, a male +and a female, which had been caught and forced to live in separate +cages. They had forgiven each other all the past of which they were +ashamed; they forgave everything in the present, and they felt that +their love had changed both of them. + +Formerly, when he felt a melancholy compunction, he used to comfort +himself with all kinds of arguments, just as they happened to cross his +mind, but now he was far removed from any such ideas; he was filled with +a profound pity, and he desired to be tender and sincere.... + +"Don't cry, my darling," he said. "You have cried enough.... Now let us +talk and see if we can't find some way out." + +Then they talked it all over, and tried to discover some means of +avoiding the necessity for concealment and deception, and the torment of +living in different towns, and of not seeing each other for a long time. +How could they shake off these intolerable fetters? + +"How? How?" he asked, holding his head in his hands. "How?" + +And it seemed that but a little while and the solution would be found +and there would begin a lovely new life; and to both of them it was +clear that the end was still very far off, and that their hardest and +most difficult period was only just beginning. + + + + +GOUSSIEV + + +It was already dark and would soon be night. + +Goussiev, a private on long leave, raised himself a little in his +hammock and said in a whisper: + +"Can you hear me, Pavel Ivanich? A soldier at Souchan told me that their +boat ran into an enormous fish and knocked a hole in her bottom." + +The man of condition unknown whom he addressed, and whom everybody in +the hospital-ship called Pavel Ivanich, was silent, as if he had not +heard. + +And once more there was silence.... The wind whistled through the +rigging, the screw buzzed, the waves came washing, the hammocks +squeaked, but to all these sounds their ears were long since accustomed +and it seemed as though everything were wrapped in sleep and silence. +It was very oppressive. The three patients--two soldiers and a +sailor--who had played cards all day were now asleep and tossing to and +fro. + +The vessel began to shake. The hammock under Goussiev slowly heaved up +and down, as though it were breathing--one, two, three.... Something +crashed on the floor and began to tinkle: the jug must have fallen down. + +"The wind has broken loose...." said Goussiev, listening attentively. + +This time Pavel Ivanich coughed and answered irritably: + +"You spoke just now of a ship colliding with a large fish, and now you +talk of the wind breaking loose.... Is the wind a dog to break loose?" + +"That's what people say." + +"Then people are as ignorant as you.... But what do they not say? You +should keep a head on your shoulders and think. Silly idiot!" + +Pavel Ivanich was subject to seasickness. When the ship rolled he would +get very cross, and the least trifle would upset him, though Goussiev +could never see anything to be cross about. What was there unusual in +his story about the fish or in his saying that the wind had broken +loose? Suppose the fish were as big as a mountain and its back were as +hard as a sturgeon's, and suppose that at the end of the wood there were +huge stone walls with the snarling winds chained up to them.... If they +do not break loose, why then do they rage over the sea as though they +were possessed, and rush about like dogs? If they are not chained, what +happens to them when it is calm? + +Goussiev thought for a long time of a fish as big as a mountain, and of +thick rusty chains; then he got tired of that and began to think of his +native place whither he was returning after five years' service in the +Far East. He saw with his mind's eye the great pond covered with +snow.... On one side of the pond was a brick-built pottery, with a tall +chimney belching clouds of black smoke, and on the other side was the +village.... From the yard of the fifth house from the corner came his +brother Alency in a sledge; behind him sat his little son Vanka in large +felt boots, and his daughter Akulka, also in felt boots. Alency is +tipsy, Vanka laughs, and Akulka's face is hidden--she is well wrapped +up. + +"The children will catch cold ..." thought Goussiev. "God grant them," +he whispered, "a pure right mind that they may honour their parents and +be better than their father and mother...." + +"The boots want soling," cried the sick sailor in a deep voice. "Aye, +aye." + +The thread of Goussiev's thoughts was broken, and instead of the pond, +suddenly--without rhyme or reason--he saw a large bull's head without +eyes, and the horse and sledge did not move on, but went round and round +in a black mist. But still he was glad he had seen his dear ones. He +gasped for joy, and his limbs tingled and his fingers throbbed. + +"God suffered me to see them!" he muttered, and opened his eyes and +looked round in the darkness for water. + +He drank, then lay down again, and once more the sledge skimmed along, +and he saw the bull's head without eyes, black smoke, clouds of it. And +so on till dawn. + + +II + +At first through the darkness there appeared only a blue circle, the +port-hole, then Goussiev began slowly to distinguish the man in the next +hammock, Pavel Ivanich. He was sleeping in a sitting position, for if he +lay down he could not breathe. His face was grey; his nose long and +sharp, and his eyes were huge, because he was so thin; his temples were +sunk, his beard scanty, the hair on his head long.... By his face it was +impossible to tell his class: gentleman, merchant, or peasant; judging +by his appearance and long hair he looked almost like a recluse, a +lay-brother, but when he spoke--he was not at all like a monk. He was +losing strength through his cough and his illness and the suffocating +heat, and he breathed heavily and was always moving his dry lips. +Noticing that Goussiev was looking at him, he turned toward him and +said: + +"I'm beginning to understand.... Yes.... Now I understand." + +"What do you understand, Pavel Ivanich?" + +"Yes.... It was strange to me at first, why you sick men, instead of +being kept quiet, should be on this steamer, where the heat is stifling, +and stinking, and pitching and tossing, and must be fatal to you; but +now it is all clear to me.... Yes. The doctors sent you to the steamer +to get rid of you. They got tired of all the trouble you gave them, +brutes like you. + +...You don't pay them; you only give a lot of trouble, and if you die +you spoil their reports. Therefore you are just cattle, and there is no +difficulty in getting rid of you.... They only need to lack conscience +and humanity, and to deceive the owners of the steamer. We needn't worry +about the first, they are experts by nature; but the second needs a +certain amount of practice. In a crowd of four hundred healthy soldiers +and sailors--five sick men are never noticed; so you were carried up to +the steamer, mixed with a healthy lot who were counted in such a hurry +that nothing wrong was noticed, and when the steamer got away they saw +fever-stricken and consumptive men lying helpless on the deck...." + +Goussiev could not make out what Pavel Ivanich was talking about; +thinking he was being taken to task, he said by way of excusing himself: + +"I lay on the deck because when we were taken off the barge I caught a +chill." + +"Shocking!" said Pavel Ivanich. "They know quite well that you can't +last out the voyage, and yet they send you here! You may get as far as +the Indian Ocean, but what then? It is awful to think of.... And that's +all the return you get for faithful unblemished service!" + +Pavel Ivanich looked very angry, and smote his forehead and gasped: + +"They ought to be shown up in the papers. There would be an awful row." + +The two sick soldiers and the sailor were already up and had begun to +play cards, the sailor propped up in his hammock, and the soldiers +squatting uncomfortably on the floor. One soldier had his right arm in a +sling and his wrist was tightly bandaged so that he had to hold the +cards in his left hand or in the crook of his elbow. The boat was +rolling violently so that it was impossible to get up or to drink tea or +to take medicine. + +"You were an orderly?" Pavel Ivanich asked Goussiev. + +"That's it. An orderly." + +"My God, my God!" said Pavel Ivanich sorrowfully. "To take a man from +his native place, drag him fifteen thousand miles, drive him into +consumption ... and what for? I ask you. To make him an orderly to some +Captain Farthing or Midshipman Hole! Where's the sense of it?" + +"It's not a bad job, Pavel Ivanich. You get up in the morning, clean the +boots, boil the samovar, tidy up the room, and then there is nothing to +do. The lieutenant draws plans all day long, and you can pray to God if +you like--or read books--or go out into the streets. It's a good enough +life." + +"Yes. Very good! The lieutenant draws plans, and you stay in the kitchen +all day long and suffer from homesickness.... Plans.... Plans don't +matter. It's human life that matters! Life doesn't come again. One +should be sparing of it." + +"Certainly Pavel Ivanich. A bad man meets no quarter, either at home, or +in the army, but if you live straight, and do as you are told, then no +one will harm you. They are educated and they understand.... For five +years now I've never been in the cells and I've only been thrashed +once--touch wood!" + +"What was that for?" + +"Fighting. I have a heavy fist, Pavel Ivanich. Four Chinamen came into +our yard: they were carrying wood, I think, but I don't remember. Well, +I was bored. I went for them and one of them got a bloody nose. The +lieutenant saw it through the window and gave me a thick ear." + +"You poor fool," muttered Pavel Ivanich. "You don't understand +anything." + +He was completely exhausted with the tossing of the boat and shut his +eyes; his head fell back and then flopped forward onto his chest. He +tried several times to lie down, but in vain, for he could not breathe. + +"And why did you go for the four Chinamen?" he asked after a while. + +"For no reason. They came into the yard and I went for them." + +Silence fell.... The gamblers played for a couple of hours, absorbed and +cursing, but the tossing of the ship tired even them; they threw the +cards away and laid down. Once more Goussiev thought of the big pond, +the pottery, the village. Once more the sledges skimmed along, once more +Vanka laughed, and that fool of an Akulka opened her fur coat, and +stretched out her feet; look, she seemed to say, look, poor people, my +felt boots are new and not like Vanka's. + +"She's getting on for six and still she has no sense!" said Goussiev. +"Instead of showing your boots off, why don't you bring some water to +your soldier-uncle? I'll give you a present." + +Then came Andrea, with his firelock on his shoulder, carrying a hare he +had shot, and he was followed by Tsaichik the cripple, who offered him a +piece of soap for the hare; and there was the black heifer in the yard, +and Domna sewing a shirt and crying over something, and there was the +eyeless bull's head and the black smoke.... + +Overhead there was shouting, sailors running; the sound of something +heavy being dragged along the deck, or something had broken.... More +running. Something wrong? Goussiev raised his head, listened and saw the +two soldiers and the sailor playing cards again; Pavel Ivanich sitting +up and moving his lips. It was very close, he could hardly breathe, he +wanted a drink, but the water was warm and disgusting.... The pitching +of the boat was now better. + +Suddenly something queer happened to one of the soldiers.... He called +ace of diamonds, lost his reckoning and dropped his cards. He started +and laughed stupidly and looked round. + +"In a moment, you fellows," he said and lay down on the floor. + +All were at a loss. They shouted at him but he made no reply. + +"Stiepan, are you ill?" asked the other soldier with the bandaged hand. +"Perhaps we'd better call the priest, eh?" + +"Stiepan, drink some water," said the sailor. "Here, mate, have a +drink." + +"What's the good of breaking his teeth with the jug," shouted Goussiev +angrily. "Don't you see, you fatheads?" + +"What." + +"What!" cried Goussiev. "He's snuffed it, dead. That's what! Good God, +what fools!..." + + +III + +The rolling stopped and Pavel Ivanich cheered up. He was no longer +peevish. His face had an arrogant, impetuous, and mocking expression. He +looked as if he were on the point of saying: "I'll tell you a story that +will make you die of laughter." Their port-hole was open and a soft +wind blew in on Pavel Ivanich. Voices could be heard and the splash of +oars in the water.... Beneath the window some one was howling in a thin, +horrible voice; probably a Chinaman singing. + +"Yes. We are in harbour," said Pavel Ivanich, smiling mockingly. +"Another month and we shall be in Russia. It's true; my gallant +warriors, I shall get to Odessa and thence I shall go straight to +Kharkhov. At Kharkhov I have a friend, a literary man. I shall go to him +and I shall say, 'now, my friend, give up your rotten little +love-stories and descriptions of nature, and expose the vileness of the +human biped.... There's a subject for you.'" + +He thought for a moment and then he said: + +"Goussiev, do you know how I swindled them?" + +"Who, Pavel Ivanich?" + +"The lot out there.... You see there's only first and third class on the +steamer, and only peasants are allowed to go third. If you have a decent +suit, and look like a nobleman or a bourgeois, at a distance, then you +must go first. It may break you, but you have to lay down your five +hundred roubles. 'What's the point of such an arrangement?' I asked. 'Is +it meant to raise the prestige of Russian intellectuals?' 'Not a bit,' +said they. 'We don't let you go, simply because it is impossible for a +decent man to go third. It is so vile and disgusting.' 'Yes,' said I. +'Thanks for taking so much trouble about decent people. Anyhow, bad or +no, I haven't got five hundred roubles as I have neither robbed the +treasury nor exploited foreigners, nor dealt in contraband, nor flogged +any one to death, and, therefore, I think I have a right to go +first-class and to take rank with the intelligentsia of Russia.' But +there's no convincing them by logic.... I had to try fraud. I put on a +peasant's coat and long boots, and a drunken, stupid expression and went +to the agent and said: 'Give me a ticket, your Honour.' + +"'What's your position?' says the agent. + +"'Clerical,' said I. 'My father was an honest priest. He always told the +truth to the great ones of the earth, and so he suffered much.'" + +Pavel Ivanich got tired with talking, and his breath failed him, but he +went on: + +"Yes. I always tell the truth straight out.... I am afraid of nobody and +nothing. There's a great difference between myself and you in that +respect. You are dull, blind, stupid, you see nothing, and you don't +understand what you do see. You are told that the wind breaks its chain, +that you are brutes and worse, and you believe; you are thrashed and you +kiss the hand that thrashes you; a swine in a raccoon pelisse robs you, +and throws you sixpence for tea, and you say: 'Please, your Honour, let +me kiss your hand.' You are pariahs, skunks.... I am different. I live +consciously. I see everything, as an eagle or a hawk sees when it hovers +over the earth, and I understand everything. I am a living protest. I +see injustice--I protest; I see bigotry and hypocrisy--I protest; I see +swine triumphant--I protest, and I am unconquerable. No Spanish +inquisition can make me hold my tongue. Aye.... Cut my tongue out. I'll +protest by gesture.... Shut me up in a dungeon--I'll shout so loud that +I shall be heard for a mile round, or I'll starve myself, so that there +shall be a still heavier weight on their black consciences. Kill me--and +my ghost will return. All my acquaintances tell me: 'You are a most +insufferable man, Pavel Ivanich!' I am proud of such a reputation. I +served three years in the Far East, and have got bitter memories enough +for a hundred years. I inveighed against it all. My friends write from +Russia: 'Do not come.' But I'm going, to spite them.... Yes.... That is +life. I understand. You can call that life." + +Goussiev was not listening, but lay looking out of the port-hole; on the +transparent lovely turquoise water swung a boat all shining in the +shimmering light; a fat Chinaman was sitting in it eating rice with +chop-sticks. The water murmured softly, and over it lazily soared white +sea-gulls. + +"It would be fun to give that fat fellow one on the back of his +neck...." thought Goussiev, watching the fat Chinaman and yawning. + +He dozed, and it seemed to him that all the world was slumbering. Time +slipped swiftly away. The day passed imperceptibly; imperceptibly the +twilight fell.... The steamer was still no longer but was moving on. + + +IV + +Two days passed. Pavel Ivanich no longer sat up, but lay full length; +his eyes were closed and his nose seemed to be sharper than ever. + +"Pavel Ivanich!" called Goussiev, "Pavel Ivanich." + +Pavel Ivanich opened his eyes and moved his lips. + +"Aren't you well?" + +"It's nothing," answered Pavel Ivanich, breathing heavily. "It's +nothing. No. I'm much better. You see I can lie down now. I'm much +better." + +"Thank God for it, Pavel Ivanich." + +"When I compare myself with you, I am sorry for you ... poor devils. My +lungs are all right; my cough comes from indigestion ... I can endure +this hell, not to mention the Red Sea! Besides, I have a critical +attitude toward my illness, as well as to my medicine. But you ... you +are ignorant.... It's hard lines on you, very hard." + +The ship was running smoothly; it was calm but still stifling and hot as +a Turkish bath; it was hard not only to speak but even to listen without +an effort. Goussiev clasped his knees, leaned his head on them and +thought of his native place. My God, in such heat it was a pleasure to +think of snow and cold! He saw himself driving on a sledge, and suddenly +the horses were frightened and bolted.... Heedless of roads, dikes, +ditches they rushed like mad through the village, across the pond, past +the works, through the fields.... "Hold them in!" cried the women and +the passers-by. "Hold them in!" But why hold them in? Let the cold wind +slap your face and cut your hands; let the lumps of snow thrown up by +the horses' hoofs fall on your hat, down your neck and chest; let the +runners of the sledge be buckled, and the traces and harness be torn and +be damned to it! What fun when the sledge topples over and you are flung +hard into a snow-drift; with your face slap into the snow, and you get +up all white with your moustaches covered with icicles, hatless, +gloveless, with your belt undone.... People laugh and dogs bark.... + +Pavel Ivanich, with one eye half open looked at Goussiev and asked +quietly: + +"Goussiev, did your commander steal?" + +"How do I know, Pavel Ivanich? The likes of us don't hear of it." + +A long time passed in silence. Goussiev thought, dreamed, drank water; +it was difficult to speak, difficult to hear, and he was afraid of being +spoken to. One hour passed, a second, a third; evening came, then night; +but he noticed nothing as he sat dreaming of the snow. + +He could hear some one coming into the ward; voices, but five minutes +passed and all was still. + +"God rest his soul!" said the soldier with the bandaged hand. "He was a +restless man." + +"What?" asked Goussiev. "Who?" + +"He's dead. He has just been taken up-stairs." + +"Oh, well," muttered Goussiev with a yawn. "God rest his soul." + +"What do you think, Goussiev?" asked the bandaged soldier after some +time. "Will he go to heaven?" + +"Who?" + +"Pavel Ivanich." + +"He will. He suffered much. Besides, he was a priest's son, and priests +have many relations. They will pray for his soul." + +The bandaged soldier sat down on Goussiev's hammock and said in an +undertone: + +"You won't live much longer, Goussiev. You'll never see Russia." + +"Did the doctor or the nurse tell you that?" asked Goussiev. + +"No one told me, but I can see it. You can always tell when a man is +going to die soon. You neither eat nor drink, and you have gone very +thin and awful to look at. Consumption. That's what it is. I'm not +saying this to make you uneasy, but because I thought you might like to +have the last sacrament. And if you have any money, you had better give +it to the senior officer." + +"I have not written home," said Goussiev. "I shall die and they will +never know." + +"They will know," said the sailor in his deep voice. "When you die they +will put you down in the log, and at Odessa they will give a note to the +military governor, and he will send it to your parish or wherever it +is...." + +This conversation made Goussiev begin to feel unhappy and a vague desire +began to take possession of him. He drank water--it was not that; he +stretched out to the port-hole and breathed the hot, moist air--it was +not that; he tried to think of his native place and the snow--it was not +that.... At last he felt that he would choke if he stayed a moment +longer in the hospital. + +"I feel poorly, mates," he said. "I want to go on deck. For Christ's +sake take me on deck." + +Goussiev flung his arms round the soldier's neck and the soldier held +him with his free arm and supported him up the gangway. On deck there +were rows and rows of sleeping soldiers and sailors; so many of them +that it was difficult to pick a way through them. + +"Stand up," said the bandaged soldier gently. "Walk after me slowly and +hold on to my shirt...." + +It was dark. There was no light on deck or on the masts or over the sea. +In the bows a sentry stood motionless as a statue, but he looked as if +he were asleep. It was as though the steamer had been left to its own +sweet will, to go where it liked. + +"They are going to throw Pavel Ivanich into the sea," said the bandaged +soldier. "They will put him in a sack and throw him overboard." + +"Yes. That's the way they do." + +"But it's better to lie at home in the earth. Then the mother can go to +the grave and weep over it." + +"Surely." + +There was a smell of dung and hay. With heads hanging there were oxen +standing by the bulwark--one, two, three ... eight beasts. And there was +a little horse. Goussiev put out his hand to pat it, but it shook its +head, showed its teeth and tried to bite his sleeve. + +"Damn you," said Goussiev angrily. + +He and the soldier slowly made their way to the bows and stood against +the bulwark and looked silently up and down. Above them was the wide +sky, bright with stars, peace and tranquillity--exactly as it was at +home in his village; but below--darkness and turbulence. Mysterious +towering waves. Each wave seemed to strive to rise higher than the rest; +and they pressed and jostled each other and yet others came, fierce and +ugly, and hurled themselves into the fray. + +There is neither sense nor pity in the sea. Had the steamer been +smaller, and not made of tough iron, the waves would have crushed it +remorselessly and all the men in it, without distinction of good and +bad. The steamer too seemed cruel and senseless. The large-nosed monster +pressed forward and cut its way through millions of waves; it was +afraid neither of darkness, nor of the wind, nor of space, nor of +loneliness; it cared for nothing, and if the ocean had its people, the +monster would crush them without distinction of good and bad. + +"Where are we now?" asked Goussiev. + +"I don't know. Must be the ocean." + +"There's no land in sight." + +"Why, they say we shan't see land for another seven days." + +The two soldiers looked at the white foam gleaming with phosphorescence. +Goussiev was the first to break the silence. + +"Nothing is really horrible," he said. "You feel uneasy, as if you were +in a dark forest. Suppose a boat were lowered and I was ordered to go a +hundred miles out to sea to fish--I would go. Or suppose I saw a soul +fall into the water--I would go in after him. I wouldn't go in for a +German or a Chinaman, but I'd try to save a Russian." + +"Aren't you afraid to die?" + +"Yes. I'm afraid. I'm sorry for the people at home. I have a brother at +home, you know, and he is not steady; he drinks, beats his wife for +nothing at all, and my old father and mother may be brought to ruin. But +my legs are giving way, mate, and it is hot here.... Let me go to bed." + + +V + +Goussiev went back to the ward and lay down in his hammock. As before, a +vague desire tormented him and he could not make out what it was. There +was a congestion in his chest; a noise in his head, and his mouth was so +dry that he could hardly move his tongue. He dozed and dreamed, and, +exhausted by the heat, his cough and the nightmares that haunted him, +toward morning he fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed he was in barracks, +and the bread had just been taken out of the oven, and he crawled into +the oven and lathered himself with a birch broom. He slept for two days +and on the third day in the afternoon two sailors came down and carried +him out of the ward. + +He was sewn up in sail-cloth, and to make him heavier two iron bars were +sewn up with him. In the sail-cloth he looked like a carrot or a radish, +broad at the top, narrow at the bottom.... Just before sunset he was +taken on deck and laid on a board one end of which lay on the bulwark, +the other on a box, raised up by a stool. Round him stood the invalided +soldiers. + +"Blessed is our God," began the priest; "always, now and for ever and +ever." + +"Amen!" said three sailors. + +The soldiers and the crew crossed themselves and looked askance at the +waves. It was strange that a man should be sewn up in sail-cloth and +dropped into the sea. Could it happen to any one? + +The priest sprinkled Goussiev with earth and bowed. A hymn was sung. + +The guard lifted up the end of the board, Goussiev slipped down it; shot +headlong, turned over in the air, then plop! The foam covered him, for a +moment it looked as though he was swathed in lace, but the moment +passed--and he disappeared beneath the waves. + +He dropped down to the bottom. Would he reach it? The bottom is miles +down, they say. He dropped down almost sixty or seventy feet, then began +to go slower and slower, swung to and fro as though he were thinking; +then, borne along by the current; he moved more sideways than downward. + +But soon he met a shoal of pilot-fish. Seeing a dark body, the fish +stopped dead and sudden, all together, turned and went back. Less than a +minute later, like arrows they darted at Goussiev, zigzagging through +the water around him.... + +Later came another dark body, a shark. Gravely and leisurely, as though +it had not noticed Goussiev, it swam up under him, and he rolled over on +its back; it turned its belly up, taking its ease in the warm, +translucent water, and slowly opened its mouth with its two rows of +teeth. The pilot-fish were wildly excited; they stopped to see what was +going to happen. The shark played with the body, then slowly opened its +mouth under it, touched it with its teeth, and the sail-cloth was ripped +open from head to foot; one of the bars fell out, frightening the +pilot-fish and striking the shark on its side, and sank to the bottom. + +And above the surface, the clouds were huddling up about the setting +sun; one cloud was like a triumphal arch, another like a lion, another +like a pair of scissors.... From behind the clouds came a broad green +ray reaching up to the very middle of the sky; a little later a violet +ray was flung alongside this, and then others gold and pink.... The sky +was soft and lilac, pale and tender. At first beneath the lovely, +glorious sky the ocean frowned, but soon the ocean also took on +colour--sweet, joyful, passionate colours, almost impossible to name in +human language. + + + + +MY LIFE + +THE STORY OF A PROVINCIAL + + +The director said to me: "I only keep you out of respect for your worthy +father, or you would have gone long since." I replied: "You flatter me, +your Excellency, but I suppose I am in a position to go." And then I +heard him saying: "Take the fellow away, he is getting on my nerves." + +Two days later I was dismissed. Ever since I had been grown up, to the +great sorrow of my father, the municipal architect, I had changed my +position nine times, going from one department to another, but all the +departments were as like each other as drops of water; I had to sit and +write, listen to inane and rude remarks, and just wait until I was +dismissed. + +When I told my father, he was sitting back in his chair with his eyes +shut. His thin, dry face, with a dove-coloured tinge where he shaved +(his face was like that of an old Catholic organist), wore an expression +of meek submission. Without answering my greeting or opening his eyes, +he said: + +"If my dear wife, your mother, were alive, your life would be a constant +grief to her. I can see the hand of Providence in her untimely death. +Tell me, you unhappy boy," he went on, opening his eyes, "what am I to +do with you?" + +When I was younger my relations and friends knew what to do with me; +some advised me to go into the army as a volunteer, others were for +pharmacy, others for the telegraph service; but now that I was +twenty-four and was going grey at the temples and had already tried the +army and pharmacy and the telegraph service, and every possibility +seemed to be exhausted, they gave me no more advice, but only sighed and +shook their heads. + +"What do you think of yourself?" my father went on. "At your age other +young men have a good social position, and just look at yourself: a lazy +lout, a beggar, living on your father!" + +And, as usual, he went on to say that young men were going to the dogs +through want of faith, materialism, and conceit, and that amateur +theatricals should be prohibited because they seduce young people from +religion and their duty. + +"To-morrow we will go together, and you shall apologise to the director +and promise to do your work conscientiously," he concluded. "You must +not be without a position in society for a single day." + +"Please listen to me," said I firmly, though I did not anticipate +gaining anything by speaking. "What you call a position in society is +the privilege of capital and education. But people who are poor and +uneducated have to earn their living by hard physical labour, and I see +no reason why I should be an exception." + +"It is foolish and trivial of you to talk of physical labour," said my +father with some irritation. "Do try to understand, you idiot, and get +it into your brainless head, that in addition to physical strength you +have a divine spirit; a sacred fire, by which you are distinguished from +an ass or a reptile and bringing you nigh to God. This sacred fire has +been kept alight for thousands of years by the best of mankind. Your +great-grandfather, General Pologniev, fought at Borodino; your +grandfather was a poet, an orator, and a marshal of the nobility; your +uncle was an educationalist; and I, your father, am an architect! Have +all the Polognievs kept the sacred fire alight for you to put it out?" + +"There must be justice," said I. "Millions of people have to do manual +labour." + +"Let them. They can do nothing else! Even a fool or a criminal can do +manual labour. It is the mark of a slave and a barbarian, whereas the +sacred fire is given only to a few!" + +It was useless to go on with the conversation. My father worshipped +himself and would not be convinced by anything unless he said it +himself. Besides, I knew quite well that the annoyance with which he +spoke of unskilled labour came not so much from any regard for the +sacred fire, as from a secret fear that I should become a working man +and the talk of the town. But the chief thing was that all my +schoolfellows had long ago gone through the University and were making +careers for themselves, and the son of the director of the State Bank +was already a collegiate assessor, while I, an only son, was nothing! It +was useless and unpleasant to go on with the conversation, but I still +sat there and raised objections in the hope of making myself understood. +The problem was simple and clear: how was I to earn my living? But he +could not see its simplicity and kept on talking with sugary rounded +phrases about Borodino and the sacred fire, and my uncle, and the +forgotten poet who wrote bad, insincere verses, and he called me a +brainless fool. But how I longed to be understood! In spite of +everything, I loved my father and my sister, and from boyhood I have had +a habit of considering them, so strongly rooted that I shall probably +never get rid of it; whether I am right or wrong I am always afraid of +hurting them, and go in terror lest my father's thin neck should go red +with anger and he should have an apoplectic fit. + +"It is shameful and degrading for a man of my age to sit in a stuffy +room and compete with a typewriting-machine," I said. "What has that to +do with the sacred fire?" + +"Still, it is intellectual work," said my father. "But that's enough. +Let us drop the conversation and I warn you that if you refuse to +return to your office and indulge your contemptible inclinations, then +you will lose my love and your sister's. I shall cut you out of my +will--that I swear, by God!" + +With perfect sincerity, in order to show the purity of my motives, by +which I hope to be guided all through my life, I said: + +"The matter of inheritance does not strike me as important. I renounce +any rights I may have." + +For some unexpected reason these words greatly offended my father. He +went purple in the face. + +"How dare you talk to me like that, you fool!" he cried to me in a thin, +shrill voice. "You scoundrel!" And he struck me quickly and dexterously +with a familiar movement; once--twice. "You forget yourself!" + +When I was a boy and my father struck me, I used to stand bolt upright +like a soldier and look him straight in the face; and, exactly as if I +were still a boy, I stood erect, and tried to look into his eyes. My +father was old and very thin, but his spare muscles must have been as +strong as whip-cord, for he hit very hard. + +I returned to the hall, but there he seized his umbrella and struck me +several times over the head and shoulders; at that moment my sister +opened the drawing-room door to see what the noise was, but immediately +drew back with an expression of pity and horror, and said not one word +in my defence. + +My intention not to return to the office, but to start a new working +life, was unshakable. It only remained to choose the kind of work--and +there seemed to be no great difficulty about that, because I was strong, +patient, and willing. I was prepared to face a monotonous, laborious +life, of semi-starvation, filth, and rough surroundings, always +overshadowed with the thought of finding a job and a living. And--who +knows--returning from work in the Great Gentry Street, I might often +envy Dolyhikov, the engineer, who lives by intellectual work, but I was +happy in thinking of my coming troubles. I used to dream of intellectual +activity, and to imagine myself a teacher, a doctor, a writer, but my +dreams remained only dreams. A liking for intellectual pleasures--like +the theatre and reading--grew into a passion with me, but I did not know +whether I had any capacity for intellectual work. At school I had an +unconquerable aversion for the Greek language, so that I had to leave +when I was in the fourth class. Teachers were got to coach me up for the +fifth class, and then I went into various departments, spending most of +my time in perfect idleness, and this, I was told, was intellectual +work. + +My activity in the education department or in the municipal office +required neither mental effort, nor talent, nor personal ability, nor +creative spiritual impulse; it was purely mechanical, and such +intellectual work seemed to me lower than manual labour. I despise it +and I do not think that it for a moment justifies an idle, careless +life, because it is nothing but a swindle, and only a kind of idleness. +In all probability I have never known real intellectual work. + +It was evening. We lived in Great Gentry Street--the chief street in the +town--and our rank and fashion walked up and down it in the evenings, as +there were no public gardens. The street was very charming, and was +almost as good as a garden, for it had two rows of poplar-trees, which +smelt very sweet, especially after rain, and acacias, and tall trees, +and apple-trees hung over the fences and hedges. May evenings, the scent +of the lilac, the hum of the cockchafers, the warm, still air--how new +and extraordinary it all is, though spring comes every year! I stood by +the gate and looked at the passers-by. With most of them I had grown up +and had played with them, but now my presence might upset them, because +I was poorly dressed, in unfashionable clothes, and people made fun of +my very narrow trousers and large, clumsy boots, and called them +macaroni-on-steamboats. And I had a bad reputation in the town because I +had no position and went to play billiards in low cafés, and had once +been taken up, for no particular offence, by the political police. + +In a large house opposite, Dolyhikov's, the engineer's, some one was +playing the piano. It was beginning to get dark and the stars were +beginning to shine. And slowly, answering people's salutes, my father +passed with my sister on his arm. He was wearing an old top hat with a +broad curly brim. + +"Look!" he said to my sister, pointing to the sky with the very umbrella +with which he had just struck me. "Look at the sky! Even the smallest +stars are worlds! How insignificant man is in comparison with the +universe." + +And he said this in a tone that seemed to convey that he found it +extremely flattering and pleasant to be so insignificant. What an +untalented man he was! Unfortunately, he was the only architect in the +town, and during the last fifteen or twenty years I could not remember +one decent house being built. When he had to design a house, as a rule +he would draw first the hall and the drawing-room; as in olden days +schoolgirls could only begin to dance by the fireplace, so his artistic +ideas could only evolve from the hall and drawing-room. To them he would +add the dining-room, nursery, study, connecting them with doors, so that +in the end they were just so many passages, and each room had two or +three doors too many. His houses were obscure, extremely confused, and +limited. Every time, as though he felt something was missing, he had +recourse to various additions, plastering them one on top of the other, +and there would be various lobbies, and passages, and crooked staircases +leading to the entresol, where it was only possible to stand in a +stooping position, and where instead of a floor there would be a thin +flight of stairs like a Russian bath, and the kitchen would always be +under the house with a vaulted ceiling and a brick floor. The front of +his houses always had a hard, stubborn expression, with stiff, French +lines, low, squat roofs, and fat, pudding-like chimneys surmounted with +black cowls and squeaking weathercocks. And somehow all the houses +built by my father were like each other, and vaguely reminded me of a +top hat, and the stiff, obstinate back of his head. In the course of +time the people of the town grew used to my father's lack of talent, +which took root and became our style. + +My father introduced the style into my sister's life. To begin with, he +gave her the name of Cleopatra (and he called me Misail). When she was a +little girl he used to frighten her by telling her about the stars and +our ancestors; and explained the nature of life and duty to her at great +length; and now when she was twenty-six he went on in the same way, +allowing her to take no one's arm but his own, and somehow imagining +that sooner or later an ardent young man would turn up and wish to enter +into marriage with her out of admiration for his qualities. And she +adored my father, was afraid of him, and believed in his extraordinary +intellectual powers. + +It got quite dark and the street grew gradually empty. In the house +opposite the music stopped. The gate was wide open and out into the +street, careering with all its bells jingling, came a troika. It was the +engineer and his daughter going for a drive. Time to go to bed! + +I had a room in the house, but I lived in the courtyard in a hut, under +the same roof as the coach-house, which had been built probably as a +harness-room--for there were big nails in the walls--but now it was not +used, and my father for thirty years had kept his newspapers there, +which for some reason he had bound half-yearly and then allowed no one +to touch. Living there I was less in touch with my father and his +guests, and I used to think that if I did not live in a proper room and +did not go to the house every day for meals, my father's reproach that I +was living on him lost some of its sting. + +My sister was waiting for me. She had brought me supper unknown to my +father; a small piece of cold veal and a slice of bread. In the family +there were sayings: "Money loves an account," or "A copeck saves a +rouble," and so on, and my sister, impressed by such wisdom, did her +best to cut down expenses and made us feed rather meagrely. She put the +plate on the table, sat on my bed, and began to cry. + +"Misail," she said, "what are you doing to us?" + +She did not cover her face, her tears ran down her cheeks and hands, and +her expression was sorrowful. She fell on the pillow, gave way to her +tears, trembling all over and sobbing. + +"You have left your work again!" she said. "How awful!" + +"Do try to understand, sister!" I said, and because she cried I was +filled with despair. + +As though it were deliberately arranged, the paraffin in my little lamp +ran out, and the lamp smoked and guttered, and the old hooks in the wall +looked terrible and their shadows flickered. + +"Spare us!" said my sister, rising up. "Father is in an awful state, and +I am ill. I shall go mad. What will become of you?" she asked, sobbing +and holding out her hands to me. "I ask you, I implore you, in the name +of our dear mother, to go back to your work." + +"I cannot, Cleopatra," I said, feeling that only a little more would +make me give in. "I cannot." + +"Why?" insisted my sister, "why? If you have not made it up with your +chief, look for another place. For instance, why shouldn't you work on +the railway? I have just spoken to Aniuta Blagovo, and she assures me +you would be taken on, and she even promised to do what she could for +you. For goodness sake, Misail, think! Think it over, I implore you!" + +We talked a little longer and I gave in. I said that the thought of +working on the railway had never come into my head, and that I was ready +to try. + +She smiled happily through her tears and clasped my hand, and still she +cried, because she could not stop, and I went into the kitchen for +paraffin. + + +II + +Among the supporters of amateur theatricals, charity concerts, and +_tableaux vivants_ the leaders were the Azhoguins, who lived in their +own house in Great Gentry house the Street. They used to lend their +house and assume the necessary trouble and expense. They were a rich +landowning family, and had about three thousand _urskins_, with a +magnificent farm in the neighbourhood, but they did not care for village +life and lived in the town summer and winter. The family consisted of a +mother, a tall, spare, delicate lady, who had short hair, wore a blouse +and a plain skirt à l'Anglais, and three daughters, who were spoken of, +not by their names, but as the eldest, the middle, and the youngest; +they all had ugly, sharp chins, and they were short-sighted, +high-shouldered, dressed in the same style as their mother, had an +unpleasant lisp, and yet they always took part in every play and were +always doing something for charity--acting, reciting, singing. They were +very serious and never smiled, and even in burlesque operettas they +acted without gaiety and with a businesslike air, as though they were +engaged in bookkeeping. + +I loved our plays, especially the rehearsals, which were frequent, +rather absurd, and noisy, and we were always given supper after them. I +had no part in the selection of the pieces and the casting of the +characters. I had to look after the stage. I used to design the scenery +and copy out the parts, and prompt and make up. And I also had to look +after the various effects such as thunder, the singing of a nightingale, +and so on. Having no social position, I had no decent clothes, and +during rehearsals had to hold aloof from the others in the darkened +wings and shyly say nothing. + +I used to paint the scenery in the Azhoguins' coach-house or yard. I was +assisted by a house-painter, or, as he called himself, a decorating +contractor, named Andrey Ivanov, a man of about fifty, tall and very +thin and pale, with a narrow chest, hollow temples, and dark rings under +his eyes, he was rather awful to look at. He had some kind of wasting +disease, and every spring and autumn he was said to be on the point of +death, but he would go to bed for a while and then get up and say with +surprise: "I'm not dead this time!" + +In the town he was called Radish, and people said it was his real name. +He loved the theatre as much as I, and no sooner did he hear that a play +was in hand than he gave up all his work and went to the Azhoguins' to +paint scenery. + +The day after my conversation with my sister I worked from morning till +night at the Azhoguins'. The rehearsal was fixed for seven o'clock, and +an hour before it began all the players were assembled, and the eldest, +the middle, and the youngest Miss Azhoguin were reading their parts on +the stage. Radish, in a long, brown overcoat with a scarf wound round +his neck, was standing, leaning with his head against the wall, looking +at the stage with a rapt expression. Mrs. Azhoguin went from guest to +guest saying something pleasant to every one. She had a way of gazing +into one's face and speaking in a hushed voice as though she were +telling a secret. + +"It must be difficult to paint scenery," she said softly, coming up to +me. "I was just talking to Mrs. Mufke about prejudice when I saw you +come in. Mon Dieu! All my life I have struggled against prejudice. To +convince the servants that all their superstitions are nonsense I always +light three candles, and I begin all my important business on the +thirteenth." + +The daughter of Dolyhikov, the engineer, was there, a handsome, plump, +fair girl, dressed, as people said in our town, in Parisian style. She +did not act, but at rehearsals a chair was put for her on the stage, and +the plays did not begin until she appeared in the front row, to astonish +everybody with the brilliance of her clothes. As coming from the +metropolis, she was allowed to make remarks during rehearsals, and she +did so with an affable, condescending smile, and it was clear that she +regarded our plays as a childish amusement. It was said that she had +studied singing at the Petersburg conservatoire and had sung for a +winter season in opera. I liked her very much, and during rehearsals or +the performance, I never took my eyes off her. + +I had taken the book and began to prompt when suddenly my sister +appeared. Without taking off her coat and hat she came up to me and +said: + +"Please come!" + +I went. Behind the stage in the doorway stood Aniuta Blagovo, also +wearing a hat with a dark veil. She was the daughter of the +vice-president of the Court, who had been appointed to our town years +ago, almost as soon as the High Court was established. She was tall and +had a good figure, and was considered indispensable for the _tableaux +vivants_, and when she represented a fairy or a muse, her face would +burn with shame; but she took no part in the plays, and would only look +in at rehearsals, on some business, and never enter the hall. And it was +evident now that she had only looked in for a moment. + +"My father has mentioned you," she said drily, not looking at me and +blushing.... "Dolyhikov has promised to find you something to do on the +railway. If you go to his house to-morrow, he will see you." + +I bowed and thanked her for her kindness. + +"And you must leave this," she said, pointing to my book. + +She and my sister went up to Mrs. Azhoguin and began to whisper, looking +at me. + +"Indeed," said Mrs. Azhoguin, coming up to me, and gazing into my face. +"Indeed, if it takes you from your more serious business"--she took the +book out of my hands--"then you must hand it over to some one else. +Don't worry, my friend. It will be all right." + +I said good-bye and left in some confusion. As I went down-stairs I saw +my sister and Aniuta Blagovo going away; they were talking animatedly, I +suppose about my going on the railway, and they hurried away. My sister +had never been to a rehearsal before, and she was probably tortured by +her conscience and by her fear of my father finding out that she had +been to the Azhoguins' without permission. + +The next day I went to see Dolyhikov at one o'clock. The man servant +showed me into a charming room, which was the engineer's drawing-room +and study. Everything in it was charming and tasteful, and to a man like +myself, unused to such things, very strange. Costly carpets, huge +chairs, bronzes, pictures in gold and velvet frames; photographs on the +walls of beautiful women, clever, handsome faces, and striking +attitudes; from the drawing-room a door led straight into the garden, by +a veranda, and I saw lilac and a table laid for breakfast, rolls, and a +bunch of roses; and there was a smell of spring, and good cigars, and +happiness--and everything seemed to say, here lives a man who has worked +and won the highest happiness here on earth. At the table the engineer's +daughter was sitting reading a newspaper. + +"Do you want my father?" she asked. "He is having a shower-bath. He will +be down presently. Please take a chair." + +I sat down. + +"I believe you live opposite?" she asked after a short silence. + +"Yes." + +"When I have nothing to do I look out of the window. You must excuse +me," she added, turning to her newspaper, "and I often see you and your +sister. She has such a kind, wistful expression." + +Dolyhikov came in. He was wiping his neck with a towel. + +"Papa, this is Mr. Pologniev," said his daughter. + +"Yes, yes. Blagovo spoke to me." He turned quickly to me, but did not +hold out his hand. "But what do you think I can give you? I'm not +bursting with situations. You are queer people!" he went on in a loud +voice and as though he were scolding me. "I get about twenty people +every day, as though I were a Department of State. I run a railway, sir. +I employ hard labour; I need mechanics, navvies, joiners, well-sinkers, +and you can only sit and write. That's all! You are all clerks!" + +And he exhaled the same air of happiness as his carpets and chairs. He +was stout, healthy, with red cheeks and a broad chest; he looked clean +in his pink shirt and wide trousers, just like a china figure of a +post-boy. He had a round, bristling beard--and not a single grey +hair--and a nose with a slight bridge, and bright, innocent, dark eyes. + +"What can you do?" he went on. "Nothing! I am an engineer and +well-to-do, but before I was given this railway I worked very hard for a +long time. I was an engine-driver for two years, I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. Now, my dear man, just think--what work can I +offer you?" + +"I quite agree," said I, utterly abashed, not daring to meet his bright, +innocent eyes. + +"Are you any good with the telegraph?" he asked after some thought. + +"Yes. I have been in the telegraph service." + +"Hm.... Well, we'll see. Go to Dubechnia. There's a fellow there +already. But he is a scamp." + +"And what will my duties be?" I asked. + +"We'll see to that later. Go there now. I'll give orders. But please +don't drivel and don't bother me with petitions or I'll kick you out." + +He turned away from me without even a nod. I bowed to him and his +daughter, who was reading the newspaper, and went out. I felt so +miserable that when my sister asked how the engineer had received me, I +could not utter a single word. + +To go to Dubechnia I got up early in the morning at sunrise. There was +not a soul in the street, the whole town was asleep, and my footsteps +rang out with a hollow sound. The dewy poplars filled the air with a +soft scent. I was sad and had no desire to leave the town. It seemed so +nice and warm! I loved the green trees, the quiet sunny mornings, the +ringing of the bells, but the people in the town were alien to me, +tiresome and sometimes even loathsome. I neither liked nor understood +them. + +I did not understand why or for what purpose those thirty-five thousand +people lived. I knew that Kimry made a living by manufacturing boots, +that Tula made samovars and guns, that Odessa was a port; but I did not +know what our town was or what it did. The people in Great Gentry Street +and two other clean streets had independent means and salaries paid by +the Treasury, but how the people lived in the other eight streets which +stretched parallel to each other for three miles and then were lost +behind the hill--that was always an insoluble problem to me. And I am +ashamed to think of the way they lived. They had neither public gardens, +nor a theatre, nor a decent orchestra; the town and club libraries are +used only by young Jews, so that books and magazines would lie for +months uncut. The rich and the intelligentsia slept in close, stuffy +bedrooms, with wooden beds infested with bugs; the children were kept in +filthy, dirty rooms called nurseries, and the servants, even when they +were old and respectable, slept on the kitchen floor and covered +themselves with rags. Except in Lent all the houses smelt of _bortsch_, +and during Lent of sturgeon fried in sunflower oil. The food was +unsavoury, the water unwholesome. On the town council, at the +governor's, at the archbishop's, everywhere there had been talk for +years about there being no good, cheap water-supply and of borrowing two +hundred thousand roubles from the Treasury. Even the very rich people, +of whom there were about thirty in the town, people who would lose a +whole estate at cards, used to drink the bad water and talk passionately +about the loan--and I could never understand this, for it seemed to me +it would be simpler for them to pay up the two hundred thousand. + +I did not know a single honest man in the whole town. My father took +bribes, and imagined they were given to him out of respect for his +spiritual qualities; the boys at the high school, in order to be +promoted, went to lodge with the masters and paid them large sums; the +wife of the military commandant took levies from the recruits during the +recruiting, and even allowed them to stand her drinks, and once she was +so drunk in church that she could not get up from her knees; during the +recruiting the doctors also took bribes, and the municipal doctor and +the veterinary surgeon levied taxes on the butcher shops and public +houses; the district school did a trade in certificates which gave +certain privileges in the civil service; the provosts took bribes from +the clergy and church-wardens whom they controlled, and on the town +council and various committees every one who came before them was +pursued with: "One expects thanks!"--and thereby forty copecks had to +change hands. And those who did not take bribes, like the High Court +officials, were stiff and proud, and shook hands with two fingers, and +were distinguished by their indifference and narrow-mindedness. They +drank and played cards, married rich women, and always had a bad, +insidious influence on those round them. Only the girls had any moral +purity; most of them had lofty aspirations and were pure and honest at +heart; but they knew nothing of life, and believed that bribes were +given to honour spiritual qualities; and when they married, they soon +grew old and weak, and were hopelessly lost in the mire of that vulgar, +bourgeois existence. + + +III + +A railway was being built in our district. On holidays and thereabouts +the town was filled with crowds of ragamuffins called "railies," of whom +the people were afraid. I used often to see a miserable wretch with a +bloody face, and without a hat, being dragged off by the police, and +behind him was the proof of his crime, a samovar or some wet, newly +washed linen. The "railies" used to collect near the public houses and +on the squares; and they drank, ate, and swore terribly, and whistled +after the town prostitutes. To amuse these ruffians our shopkeepers used +to make the cats and dogs drink vodka, or tie a kerosene-tin to a dog's +tail, and whistle to make the dog come tearing along the street with the +tin clattering after him, and making him squeal with terror and think he +had some frightful monster hard at his heels, so that he would rush out +of the town and over the fields until he could run no more. We had +several dogs in the town which were left with a permanent shiver and +used to crawl about with their tails between their legs, and people said +that they could not stand such tricks and had gone mad. + +The station was being built five miles from the town. It was said that +the engineer had asked for a bribe of fifty thousand roubles to bring +the station nearer, but the municipality would only agree to forty; they +would not give in to the extra ten thousand, and now the townspeople are +sorry because they had to make a road to the station which cost them +more. Sleepers and rails were fixed all along the line, and +service-trains were running to carry building materials and labourers, +and they were only waiting for the bridges upon which Dolyhikov was at +work, and here and there the stations were not ready. + +Dubechnia--the name of our first station--was seventeen versts from the +town. I went on foot. The winter and spring corn was bright green, +shining in the morning sun. The road was smooth and bright, and in the +distance I could see in outline the station, the hills, and the remote +farmhouses.... How good it was out in the open! And how I longed to be +filled with the sense of freedom, if only for that morning, to stop +thinking of what was going on in the town, or of my needs, or even of +eating! Nothing has so much prevented my living as the feeling of acute +hunger, which make my finest thoughts get mixed up with thoughts of +porridge, cutlets, and fried fish. When I stand alone in the fields and +look up at the larks hanging marvellously in the air, and bursting with +hysterical song, I think: "It would be nice to have some bread and +butter." Or when I sit in the road and shut my eyes and listen to the +wonderful sounds of a May-day, I remember how good hot potatoes smell. +Being big and of a strong constitution I never have quite enough to eat, +and so my chief sensation during the day is hunger, and so I can +understand why so many people who are working for a bare living, can +talk of nothing but food. + +At Dubechnia the station was being plastered inside, and the upper story +of the water-tank was being built. It was close and smelt of lime, and +the labourers were wandering lazily over piles of chips and rubbish. The +signalman was asleep near his box with the sun pouring straight into +his face. There was not a single tree. The telephone gave a faint hum, +and here and there birds had alighted on it. I wandered over the heaps, +not knowing what to do, and remembered how when I asked the engineer +what my duties would be, he had replied: "We will see there." But what +was there to see in such a wilderness? The plasterers were talking about +the foreman and about one Fedot Vassilievich. I could not understand and +was filled with embarrassment--physical embarrassment. I felt conscious +of my arms and legs, and of the whole of my big body, and did not know +what to do with them or where to go. + +After walking for at least a couple of hours I noticed that from the +station to the right of the line there were telegraph-poles which after +about one and a half or two miles ended in a white stone wall. The +labourers said it was the office, and I decided at last that I must go +there. + +It was a very old farmhouse, long unused. The wall of rough, white stone +was decayed, and in places had crumbled away, and the roof of the wing, +the blind wall of which looked toward the railway, had perished, and +was patched here and there with tin. Through the gates there was a large +yard, overgrown with tall grass, and beyond that, an old house with +Venetian blinds in the windows, and a high roof, brown with rot. On +either side of the house, to right and left, were two symmetrical wings; +the windows of one were boarded up, while by the other, the windows of +which were open, there were a number of calves grazing. The last +telegraph-pole stood in the yard, and the wire went from it to the wing +with the blind wall. The door was open and I went in. By the table at +the telegraph was sitting a man with a dark, curly head in a canvas +coat; he glared at me sternly and askance, but he immediately smiled and +said: + +"How do you do, Profit?" + +It was Ivan Cheprakov, my school friend, who was expelled, when he was +in the second class, for smoking. Once, during the autumn, we were out +catching goldfinches, starlings, and hawfinches, to sell them in the +market early in the morning when our parents were still asleep. + +We beat up flocks of starlings and shot at them with pellets, and then +picked up the wounded, and some died in terrible agony--I can still +remember how they moaned at night in my case--and some recovered. And we +sold them, and swore black and blue that they were male birds. Once in +the market I had only one starling left, which I hawked about and +finally sold for a copeck. "A little profit!" I said to console myself, +and from that time at school I was always known as "Little Profit," and +even now, schoolboys and the townspeople sometimes use the name to tease +me, though no one but myself remembers how it came about. + +Cheprakov never was strong. He was narrow-chested, round-shouldered, +long-legged. His tie looked like a piece of string, he had no waistcoat, +and his boots were worse than mine--with the heels worn down. He blinked +with his eyes and had an eager expression as though he were trying to +catch something and he was in a constant fidget. + +"You wait," he said, bustling about. "Look here!... What was I saying +just now?" + +We began to talk. I discovered that the estate had till recently +belonged to the Cheprakovs and only the previous autumn had passed to +Dolyhikov, who thought it more profitable to keep his money in land than +in shares, and had already bought three big estates in our district with +the transfer of all mortgages. When Cheprakov's mother sold, she +stipulated for the right to live in one of the wings for another two +years and got her son a job in the office. + +"Why shouldn't he buy?" said Cheprakov of the engineer. "He gets a lot +from the contractors. He bribes them all." + +Then he took me to dinner, deciding in his emphatic way that I was to +live with him in the wing and board with his mother. + +"She is a screw," he said, "but she will not take much from you." + +In the small rooms where his mother lived there was a queer jumble; even +the hall and the passage were stacked with furniture, which had been +taken from the house after the sale of the estate; and the furniture was +old, and of redwood. Mrs. Cheprakov, a very stout elderly lady, with +slanting, Chinese eyes, sat by the window, in a big chair, knitting a +stocking. She received me ceremoniously. + +"It is Pologniev, mother," said Cheprakov, introducing me. "He is going +to work here." + +"Are you a nobleman?" she asked in a strange, unpleasant voice as though +she had boiling fat in her throat. + +"Yes," I answered. + +"Sit down." + +The dinner was bad. It consisted only of a pie with unsweetened curds +and some milk soup. Elena Nikifirovna, my hostess, was perpetually +winking, first with one eye, then with the other. She talked and ate, +but in her whole aspect there was a deathlike quality, and one could +almost detect the smell of a corpse. Life hardly stirred in her, yet she +had the air of being the lady of the manor, who had once had her serfs, +and was the wife of a general, whose servants had to call him "Your +Excellency," and when these miserable embers of life flared up in her +for a moment, she would say to her son: + +"Ivan, that is not the way to hold your knife!" + +Or she would say, gasping for breath, with the preciseness of a hostess +labouring to entertain her guest: + +"We have just sold our estate, you know. It is a pity, of course, we +have got so used to being here, but Dolyhikov promised to make Ivan +station-master at Dubechnia, so that we shan't have to leave. We shall +live here on the station, which is the same as living on the estate. The +engineer is such a nice man! Don't you think him very handsome?" + +Until recently the Cheprakovs had been very well-to-do, but with the +general's death everything changed. Elena Nikifirovna began to quarrel +with the neighbours and to go to law, and she did not pay her bailiffs +and labourers; she was always afraid of being robbed--and in less than +ten years Dubechnia changed completely. + +Behind the house there was an old garden run wild, overgrown with tall +grass and brushwood. I walked along the terrace which was still +well-kept and beautiful; through the glass door I saw a room with a +parquet floor, which must have been the drawing-room. It contained an +ancient piano, some engravings in mahogany frames on the walls--and +nothing else. There was nothing left of the flower-garden but peonies +and poppies, rearing their white and scarlet heads above the ground; on +the paths, all huddled together, were young maples and elm-trees, which +had been stripped by the cows. The growth was dense and the garden +seemed impassable, and only near the house, where there still stood +poplars, firs, and some old bricks, were there traces of the former +avenues, and further on the garden was being cleared for a hay-field, +and here it was no longer allowed to run wild, and one's mouth and eyes +were no longer filled with spiders' webs, and a pleasant air was +stirring. The further out one went, the more open it was, and there were +cherry-trees, plum-trees, wide-spreading old apple-trees, lichened and +held up with props, and the pear-trees were so tall that it was +incredible that there could be pears on them. This part of the garden +was let to the market-women of our town, and it was guarded from thieves +and starlings by a peasant--an idiot who lived in a hut. + +The orchard grew thinner and became a mere meadow running down to the +river, which was overgrown with reeds and withy-beds. There was a pool +by the mill-dam, deep and full of fish, and a little mill with a straw +roof ground and roared, and the frogs croaked furiously. On the water, +which was as smooth as glass, circles appeared from time to time, and +water-lilies trembled on the impact of a darting fish. The village of +Dubechnia was on the other side of the river. The calm, azure pool was +alluring with its promise of coolness and rest. And now all this, the +pool, the mill, the comfortable banks of the river, belonged to the +engineer! + +And here my new work began. I received and despatched telegrams, I wrote +out various accounts and copied orders, claims, and reports, sent in to +the office by our illiterate foremen and mechanics. But most of the day +I did nothing, walking up and down the room waiting for telegrams, or I +would tell the boy to stay in the wing, and go into the garden until the +boy came to say the bell was ringing. I had dinner with Mrs. Cheprakov. +Meat was served very rarely; most of the dishes were made of milk, and +on Wednesdays and Fridays we had Lenten fare, and the food was served in +pink plates, which were called Lenten. Mrs. Cheprakov was always +blinking--the habit grew on her, and I felt awkward and embarrassed in +her presence. + +As there was not enough work for one, Cheprakov did nothing, but slept +or went down to the pool with his gun to shoot ducks. In the evenings he +got drunk in the village, or at the station, and before going to bed he +would look in the glass and say: + +"How are you, Ivan Cheprakov?" + +When he was drunk, he was very pale and used to rub his hands and laugh, +or rather neigh, He-he-he! Out of bravado he would undress himself and +run naked through the fields, and he used to eat flies and say they were +a bit sour. + + +IV + +Once after dinner he came running into the wing, panting, to say: + +"Your sister has come to see you." + +I went out and saw a fly standing by the steps of the house. My sister +had brought Aniuta Blagovo and a military gentleman in a summer uniform. +As I approached I recognised the military gentleman as Aniuta's brother, +the doctor. + +"We've come to take you for a picnic," he said, "if you've no +objection." + +My sister and Aniuta wanted to ask how I was getting on, but they were +both silent and only looked at me. They felt that I didn't like my job, +and tears came into my sister's eyes and Aniuta Blagovo blushed. We went +into the orchard, the doctor first, and he said ecstatically: + +"What air! By Jove, what air!" + +He was just a boy to look at. He talked and walked like an +undergraduate, and the look in his grey eyes was as lively, simple, and +frank as that of a nice boy. Compared with his tall, handsome sister he +looked weak and slight, and his little beard was thin and so was his +voice--a thin tenor, though quite pleasant. He was away somewhere with +his regiment and had come home on leave, and said that he was going to +Petersburg in the autumn to take his M.D. He already had a family--a +wife and three children; he had married young, in his second year at the +University, and people said he was unhappily married and was not living +with his wife. + +"What is the time?" My sister was uneasy. "We must go back soon, for my +father would only let me have until six o'clock." + +"Oh, your father," sighed the doctor. + +I made tea, and we drank it sitting on a carpet in front of the terrace, +and the doctor, kneeling, drank from his saucer, and said that he was +perfectly happy. Then Cheprakov fetched the key and unlocked the glass +door and we all entered the house. It was dark and mysterious and +smelled of mushrooms, and our footsteps made a hollow sound as though +there were a vault under the floor. The doctor stopped by the piano and +touched the keys and it gave out a faint, tremulous, cracked but still +melodious sound. He raised his voice and began to sing a romance, +frowning and impatiently stamping his foot when he touched a broken key. +My sister forgot about going home, but walked agitatedly up and down the +room and said: + +"I am happy! I am very, very happy!" + +There was a note of surprise in her voice as though it seemed impossible +to her that she should be happy. It was the first time in my life that I +had seen her so gay. She even looked handsome. Her profile was not good, +her nose and mouth somehow protruded and made her look as if she was +always blowing, but she had beautiful, dark eyes, a pale, very delicate +complexion, and a touching expression of kindness and sadness, and when +she spoke she seemed very charming and even beautiful. Both she and I +took after our mother; we were broad-shouldered, strong, and sturdy, but +her paleness was a sign of sickness, she often coughed, and in her eyes +I often noticed the expression common to people who are ill, but who for +some reason conceal it. In her present cheerfulness there was something +childish and naïve, as though all the joy which had been suppressed and +dulled during our childhood by a strict upbringing, had suddenly +awakened in her soul and rushed out into freedom. + +But when evening came and the fly was brought round, my sister became +very quiet and subdued, and sat in the fly as though it were a +prison-van. + +Soon they were all gone. The noise of the fly died away.... I remembered +that Aniuta Blagovo had said not a single word to me all day. + +"A wonderful girl!" I thought "A wonderful girl." + +Lent came and every day we had Lenten dishes. I was greatly depressed by +my idleness and the uncertainty of my position, and, slothful, hungry, +dissatisfied with myself, I wandered over the estate and only waited for +an energetic mood to leave the place. + +Once in the afternoon when Radish was sitting in our wing, Dolyhikov +entered unexpectedly, very sunburnt, and grey with dust. He had been out +on the line for three days and had come to Dubechnia on a locomotive and +walked over. While he waited for the carriage which he had ordered to +come out to meet him he went over the estate with his bailiff, giving +orders in a loud voice, and then for a whole hour he sat in our wing and +wrote letters. When telegrams came through for him, he himself tapped +out the answers, while we stood there stiff and silent. + +"What a mess!" he said, looking angrily through the accounts. "I shall +transfer the office to the station in a fortnight and I don't know what +I shall do with you then." + +"I've done my best, sir," said Cheprakov. + +"Quite so. I can see what your best is. You can only draw your wages." +The engineer looked at me and went on. "You rely on getting +introductions to make a career for yourself with as little trouble as +possible. Well, I don't care about introductions. Nobody helped me. +Before I had this line, I was an engine-driver. I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. And what are you doing here, Panteley?" he +asked, turning to Radish. "Going out drinking?" + +For some reason or other he called all simple people Panteley, while he +despised men like Cheprakov and myself, and called us drunkards, beasts, +canaille. As a rule he was hard on petty officials, and paid and +dismissed them ruthlessly without any explanation. + +At last the carriage came for him. When he left he promised to dismiss +us all in a fortnight; called the bailiff a fool, stretched himself out +comfortably in the carriage, and drove away. + +"Andrey Ivanich," I said to Radish, "will you take me on as a labourer?" + +"What! Why?" + +We went together toward the town, and when the station and the farm were +far behind us, I asked: + +"Andrey Ivanich, why did you come to Dubechnia?" + +"Firstly because some of my men are working on the line, and secondly to +pay interest to Mrs. Cheprakov. I borrowed fifty roubles from her last +summer, and now I pay her one rouble a month." + +The decorator stopped and took hold of my coat. + +"Misail Alereich, my friend," he went on, "I take it that if a common +man or a gentleman takes interest, he is a wrong-doer. The truth is not +in him." + +Radish, looking thin, pale, and rather terrible, shut his eyes, shook +his head, and muttered in a philosophic tone: + +"The grub eats grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul. God save us +miserable sinners!" + + +V + +Radish was unpractical and he was no business man; he undertook more +work than he could do, and when he came to payment he always lost his +reckoning and so was always out on the wrong side. He was a painter, a +glazier, a paper-hanger, and would even take on tiling, and I remember +how he used to run about for days looking for tiles to make an +insignificant profit. He was an excellent workman and would sometimes +earn ten roubles a day, and but for his desire to be a master and to +call himself a contractor, he would probably have made quite a lot of +money. + +He himself was paid by contract and paid me and the others by the day, +between seventy-five copecks and a rouble per day. When the weather was +hot and dry he did various outside jobs, chiefly painting roofs. Not +being used to it, my feet got hot, as though I were walking over a +red-hot oven, and when I wore felt boots my feet swelled. But this was +only at the beginning. Later on I got used to it and everything went all +right. I lived among the people, to whom work was obligatory and +unavoidable, people who worked like dray-horses, and knew nothing of the +moral value of labour, and never even used the word "labour" in their +talk. Among them I also felt like a dray-horse, more and more imbued +with the necessity and inevitability of what I was doing, and this made +my life easier, and saved me from doubt. + +At first everything amused me, everything was new. It was like being +born again. I could sleep on the ground and go barefoot--and found it +exceedingly pleasant. I could stand in a crowd of simple folks, without +embarrassing them, and when a cab-horse fell down in the street, I used +to run and help it up without being afraid of soiling my clothes. But, +best of all, I was living independently and was not a burden on any one. + +The painting of roofs, especially when we mixed our own paint, was +considered a very profitable business, and, therefore, even such good +workmen as Radish did not shun this rough and tiresome work. In short +trousers, showing his lean, muscular legs, he used to prowl over the +roof like a stork, and I used to hear him sigh wearily as he worked his +brush: + +"Woe, woe to us, miserable sinners!" + +He could walk as easily on a roof as on the ground. In spite of his +looking so ill and pale and corpse-like, his agility was extraordinary; +like any young man he would paint the cupola and the top of the church +without scaffolding, using only ladders and a rope, and it was queer and +strange when, standing there, far above the ground, he would rise to his +full height and cry to the world at large: + +"Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul!" + +Or, thinking of something, he would suddenly answer his own thought: + +"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!" + +When I went home from work all the people sitting outside their doors, +the shop assistants, dogs, and their masters, used to shout after me and +jeer spitefully, and at first it seemed monstrous and distressed me +greatly. + +"Little Profit," they used to shout. "House-painter! Yellow ochre!" + +And no one treated me so unmercifully as those who had only just risen +above the people and had quite recently had to work for their living. +Once in the market-place as I passed the ironmonger's a can of water was +spilled over me as if by accident, and once a stick was thrown at me. +And once a fishmonger, a grey-haired old man, stood in my way and looked +at me morosely and said: + +"It isn't you I'm sorry for, you fool, it's your father." + +And when my acquaintances met me they got confused. Some regarded me as +a queer fish and a fool, and they were sorry for me; others did not know +how to treat me and it was difficult to understand them. Once, in the +daytime, in one of the streets off Great Gentry Street, I met Aniuta +Blagovo. I was on my way to my work and was carrying two long brushes +and a pot of paint. When she recognised me, Aniuta blushed. + +"Please do not acknowledge me in the street," she said nervously, +sternly, in a trembling voice, without offering to shake hands with me, +and tears suddenly gleamed in her eyes. "If you must be like this, then, +so--so be it, but please avoid me in public!" + +I had left Great Gentry Street and was living in a suburb called +Makarikha with my nurse Karpovna, a good-natured but gloomy old woman +who was always looking for evil, and was frightened by her dreams, and +saw omens and ill in the bees and wasps which flew into her room. And in +her opinion my having become a working man boded no good. + +"You are lost!" she said mournfully, shaking her head. "Lost!" + +With her in her little house lived her adopted son, Prokofyi, a butcher, +a huge, clumsy fellow, of about thirty, with ginger hair and scrubby +moustache. When he met me in the hall, he would silently and +respectfully make way for me, and when he was drunk he would salute me +with his whole hand. In the evenings he used to have supper, and +through the wooden partition I could hear him snorting and snuffling as +he drank glass after glass. + +"Mother," he would say in an undertone. + +"Well," Karpovna would reply. She was passionately fond of him. "What is +it, my son?" + +"I'll do you a favour, mother. I'll feed you in your old age in this +vale of tears, and when you die I'll bury you at my own expense. So I +say and so I'll do." + +I used to get up every day before sunrise and go to bed early. We +painters ate heavily and slept soundly, and only during the night would +we have any excitement. I never quarrelled with my comrades. All day +long there was a ceaseless stream of abuse, cursing and hearty good +wishes, as, for instance, that one's eyes should burst, or that one +might be carried off by cholera, but, all the same, among ourselves we +were very friendly. The men suspected me of being a religious crank and +used to laugh at me good-naturedly, saying that even my own father +denounced me, and they used to say that they very seldom went to church +and that many of them had not been to confession for ten years, and +they justified their laxness by saying that a decorator is among men +like a jackdaw among birds. + +My mates respected me and regarded me with esteem; they evidently liked +my not drinking or smoking, and leading a quiet, steady life. They were +only rather disagreeably surprised at my not stealing the oil, or going +with them to ask our employers for a drink. The stealing of the +employers' oil and paint was a custom with house-painters, and was not +regarded as theft, and it was remarkable that even so honest a man as +Radish would always come away from work with some white lead and oil. +And even respectable old men who had their own houses in Makarikha were +not ashamed to ask for tips, and when the men, at the beginning or end +of a job, made up to some vulgar fool and thanked him humbly for a few +pence, I used to feel sick and sorry. + +With the customers they behaved like sly courtiers, and almost every day +I was reminded of Shakespeare's Polonius. + +"There will probably be rain," a customer would say, staring at the sky. + + +"It is sure to rain," the painters would agree. + +"But the clouds aren't rain-clouds. Perhaps it won't rain." + +"No, sir. It won't rain. It won't rain, sure." + +Behind their backs they generally regarded the customers ironically, and +when, for instance, they saw a gentleman sitting on his balcony with a +newspaper, they would say: + +"He reads newspapers, but he has nothing to eat." + +I never visited my people. When I returned from work I often found +short, disturbing notes from my sister about my father; how he was very +absent-minded at dinner, and then slipped away and locked himself in his +study and did not come out for a long time. Such news upset me. I could +not sleep, and I would go sometimes at night and walk along Great +Gentry Street by our house, and look up at the dark windows, and try to +guess if all was well within. On Sundays my sister would come to see me, +but by stealth, as though she came not to see me, but my nurse. And if +she came into my room she would look pale, with her eyes red, and at +once she would begin to weep. + +"Father cannot bear it much longer," she would say. "If, as God forbid, +something were to happen to him, it would be on your conscience all your +life. It is awful, Misail! For mother's sake I implore you to mend your +ways." + +"My dear sister," I replied. "How can I reform when I am convinced that +I am acting according to my conscience? Do try to understand me!" + +"I know you are obeying your conscience, but it ought to be possible to +do so without hurting anybody." + +"Oh, saints above!" the old woman would sigh behind the door. "You are +lost. There will be a misfortune, my dear. It is bound to come." + + +VI + +On Sunday, Doctor Blagovo came to see me unexpectedly. He was wearing a +white summer uniform over a silk shirt, and high glacé boots. + +"I came to see you!" he began, gripping my hand in his hearty, +undergraduate fashion. "I hear of you every day and I have long intended +to go and see you to have a heart-to-heart, as they say. Things are +awfully boring in the town; there is not a living soul worth talking to. +How hot it is, by Jove!" he went on, taking off his tunic and standing +in his silk shirt. "My dear fellow, let us have a talk." + +I was feeling bored and longing for other society than that of the +decorators. I was really glad to see him. + +"To begin with," he said, sitting on my bed, "I sympathise with you +heartily, and I have a profound respect for your present way of living. +In the town you are misunderstood and there is nobody to understand you, +because, as you know, it is full of Gogolian pig-faces. But I guessed +what you were at the picnic. You are a noble soul, an honest, +high-minded man! I respect you and think it an honour to shake hands +with you. To change your life so abruptly and suddenly as you did, you +must have passed through a most trying spiritual process, and to go on +with it now, to live scrupulously by your convictions, you must have to +toil incessantly both in mind and in heart. Now, please tell me, don't +you think that if you spent all this force of will, intensity, and power +on something else, like trying to be a great scholar or an artist, that +your life would be both wider and deeper, and altogether more +productive?" + +We talked and when we came to speak of physical labour, I expressed this +idea: that it was necessary that the strong should not enslave the weak, +and that the minority should not be a parasite on the majority, always +sucking up the finest sap, _i. e._, it was necessary that all without +exception--the strong and the weak, the rich and the poor--should share +equally in the struggle for existence, every man for himself, and in +that respect there was no better means of levelling than physical labour +and compulsory service for all. + +"You think, then," said the doctor, "that all, without, exception, +should be employed in physical labour?" + +"Yes." + +"But don't you think that if everybody, including the best people, +thinkers and men of science, were to take part in the struggle for +existence, each man for himself, and took to breaking stones and +painting roofs, it would be a serious menace to progress?" + +"Where is the danger?" I asked. "Progress consists in deeds of love, in +the fulfilment of the moral law. If you enslave no one, and are a burden +upon no one, what further progress do you want?" + +"But look here!" said Blagovo, suddenly losing his temper and getting +up. "I say! If a snail in its shell is engaged in self-perfection in +obedience to the moral law--would you call that progress?" + +"But why?" I was nettled. "If you make your neighbours feed you, clothe +you, carry you, defend you from your enemies, their life is built up on +slavery, and that is not progress. My view is that that is the most real +and, perhaps, the only possible, the only progress necessary." + +"The limits of universal progress, which is common to all men, are in +infinity, and it seems to me strange to talk of a 'possible' progress +limited by our needs and temporal conceptions." + +"If the limits of peoples are in infinity, as you say, then it means +that its goal is indefinite," I said. "Think of living without knowing +definitely what for!" + +"Why not? Your 'not knowing' is not so boring as your 'knowing.' I am +walking up a ladder which is called progress, civilisation, culture. I +go on and on, not knowing definitely where I am going to, but surely it +is worth while living for the sake of the wonderful ladder alone. And +you know exactly what you are living for--that some should not enslave +others, that the artist and the man who mixes his colours for him should +dine together. But that is the bourgeois, kitchen side of life, and +isn't it disgusting only to live for that? If some insects devour +others, devil take them, let them! We need not think of them, they will +perish and rot, however you save them from slavery--we must think of +that great Cross which awaits all mankind in the distant future." + +Blagovo argued hotly with me, but it was noticeable that he was +disturbed by some outside thought. + +"Your sister is not coming," he said, consulting his watch. "Yesterday +she was at our house and said she was going to see you. You go on +talking about slavery, slavery," he went on, "but it is a special +question, and all these questions are solved by mankind gradually." + +We began to talk of evolution. I said that every man decides the +question of good and evil for himself, and does not wait for mankind to +solve the question by virtue of gradual development. Besides, evolution +is a stick with two ends. Side by side with the gradual development of +humanitarian ideas, there is the gradual growth of ideas of a different +kind. Serfdom is past, and capitalism is growing. And with ideas of +liberation at their height the majority, just as in the days of Baty, +feeds, clothes, and defends the minority; and is left hungry, naked, and +defenceless. The state of things harmonises beautifully with all your +tendencies and movements, because the art of enslaving is also being +gradually developed. We no longer flog our servants in the stables, but +we give slavery more refined forms; at any rate, we are able to justify +it in each separate case. Ideas remain ideas with us, but if we could, +now, at the end of the nineteenth century, throw upon the working +classes all our most unpleasant physiological functions, we should do +so, and, of course, we should justify ourselves by saying that if the +best people, thinkers and great scholars, had to waste their time on +such functions, progress would be in serious jeopardy. + +Just then my sister entered. When she saw the doctor, she was flurried +and excited, and at once began to say that it was time for her to go +home to her father. + +"Cleopatra Alexeyevna," said Blagovo earnestly, laying his hands on his +heart, "what will happen to your father if you spend half an hour with +your brother and me?" + +He was a simple kind of man and could communicate his cheerfulness to +others. My sister thought for a minute and began to laugh, and suddenly +got very happy, suddenly, unexpectedly, just as she did at the picnic. +We went out into the fields and lay on the grass, and went on with our +conversation and looked at the town, where all the windows facing the +west looked golden in the setting sun. + +After that Blagovo appeared every time my sister came to see me, and +they always greeted each other as though their meeting was unexpected. +My sister used to listen while the doctor and I argued, and her face was +always joyful and rapturous, admiring and curious, and it seemed to me +that a new world was slowly being discovered before her eyes, a world +which she had not seen before even in her dreams, which now she was +trying to divine; when the doctor was not there she was quiet and sad, +and if, as she sat on my bed, she sometimes wept, it was for reasons of +which she did not speak. + +In August Radish gave us orders to go to the railway. A couple of days +before we were "driven" out of town, my father came to see me. He sat +down and, without looking at me, slowly wiped his red face, then took +out of his pocket our local paper and read out with deliberate emphasis +on each word that a schoolfellow of my own age, the son of the director +of the State Bank, had been appointed chief clerk of the Court of the +Exchequer. + +"And now, look at yourself," he said, folding up the newspaper. "You are +a beggar, a vagabond, a scoundrel! Even the bourgeoisie and other +peasants get education to make themselves decent people, while you, a +Pologniev, with famous, noble ancestors, go wallowing in the mire! But I +did not come here to talk to you. I have given you up already." He went +on in a choking voice, as he stood up: "I came here to find out where +your sister is, you scoundrel! She left me after dinner. It is now past +seven o'clock and she is not in. She has been going out lately without +telling me, and she has been disrespectful--and I see your filthy, +abominable influence at work. Where is she?" + +He had in his hands the familiar umbrella, and I was already taken +aback, and I stood stiff and erect, like a schoolboy, waiting for my +father to thrash me, but he saw the glance I cast at the umbrella and +this probably checked him. + +"Live as you like!" he said. "My blessing is gone from you." + +"Good God!" muttered my old nurse behind the door. "You are lost. Oh! my +heart feels some misfortune coming. I can feel it." + +I went to work on the railway. During the whole of August there was wind +and rain. It was damp and cold; the corn had now been gathered in the +fields, and on the big farms where the reaping was done with machines, +the wheat lay not in stacks, but in heaps; and I remember how those +melancholy heaps grew darker and darker every day, and the grain +sprouted. It was hard work; the pouring rain spoiled everything that we +succeeded in finishing. We were not allowed either to live or to sleep +in the station buildings and had to take shelter in dirty, damp, mud +huts where the "railies" had lived during the summer, and at night I +could not sleep from the cold and the bugs crawling over my face and +hands. And when we were working near the bridges, then the "railies" +used to come out in a crowd to fight the painters--which they regarded +as sport. They used to thrash us, steal our trousers, and to infuriate +us and provoke us to a fight; they used to spoil our work, as when they +smeared the signal-boxes with green paint. To add to all our miseries +Radish began to pay us very irregularly. All the painting on the line +was given to one contractor, who subcontracted with another, and he +again with Radish, stipulating for twenty per cent commission. The job +itself was unprofitable; then came the rains; time was wasted; we did no +work and Radish had to pay his men every day. The starving painters +nearly came to blows with him, called him a swindler, a bloodsucker, a +Judas, and he, poor man, sighed and in despair raised his hands to the +heavens and was continually going to Mrs. Cheprakov to borrow money. + + +VII + +Came the rainy, muddy, dark autumn, bringing a slack time, and I used to +sit at home three days in the week without work, or did various jobs +outside painting; such as digging earth for ballast for twenty copecks +a day. Doctor Blagovo had gone to Petersburg. My sister did not come to +see me. Radish lay at home ill, expecting to die every day. + +And my mood was also autumnal; perhaps because when I became a working +man I saw only the seamy side of the life of our town, and every day +made fresh discoveries which brought me to despair. My fellow townsmen, +both those of whom I had had a low opinion before, and those whom I had +thought fairly decent, now seemed to me base, cruel, and up to any dirty +trick. We poor people were tricked and cheated in the accounts, kept +waiting for hours in cold passages or in the kitchen, and we were +insulted and uncivilly treated. In the autumn I had to paper the library +and two rooms at the club. I was paid seven copecks a piece, but was +told to give a receipt for twelve copecks, and when I refused to do it, +a respectable gentleman in gold spectacles, one of the stewards of the +club, said to me: + +"If you say another word, you scoundrel, I'll knock you down." + +And when a servant whispered to him that I was the son of Pologniev, the +architect, then I got flustered and blushed, but he recovered himself at +once and said: + +"Damn him." + +In the shops we working men were sold bad meat, musty flour, and coarse +tea. In church we were jostled by the police, and in the hospitals we +were mulcted by the assistants and nurses, and if we could not give them +bribes through poverty, we were given food in dirty dishes. In the +post-office the lowest official considered it his duty to treat us as +animals and to shout rudely and insolently: "Wait! Don't you come +pushing your way in here!" Even the dogs, even they were hostile to us +and hurled themselves at us with a peculiar malignancy. But what struck +me most of all in my new position was the entire lack of justice, what +the people call "forgetting God." Rarely a day went by without some +swindle. The shopkeeper, who sold us oil, the contractor, the workmen, +the customers themselves, all cheated. It was an understood thing that +our rights were never considered, and we always had to pay for the money +we had earned, going with our hats off to the back door. + +I was paper-hanging in one of the club-rooms, next the library, when, +one evening as I was on the point of leaving, Dolyhikov's daughter came +into the room carrying a bundle of books. + +I bowed to her. + +"Ah! How are you?" she said, recognising me at once and holding out her +hand. "I am very glad to see you." + +She smiled and looked with a curious puzzled expression at my blouse and +the pail of paste and the papers lying on the floor; I was embarrassed +and she also felt awkward. + +"Excuse my staring at you," she said. "I have heard so much about you. +Especially from Doctor Blagovo. He is enthusiastic about you. I have met +your sister; she is a dear, sympathetic girl, but I could not make her +see that there is nothing awful in your simple life. On the contrary, +you are the most interesting man in the town." + +Once more she glanced at the pail of paste and the paper and said: + +"I asked Doctor Blagovo to bring us together, but he either forgot or +had no time. However, we have met now. I should be very pleased if you +would call on me. I do so want to have a talk. I am a simple person," +she said, holding out her hand, "and I hope you will come and see me +without ceremony. My father is away, in Petersburg." + +She went into the reading-room, with her dress rustling, and for a long +time after I got home I could not sleep. + +During that autumn some kind soul, wishing to relieve my existence, sent +me from time to time presents of tea and lemons, or biscuits, or roast +pigeons. Karpovna said the presents were brought by a soldier, though +from whom she did not know; and the soldier used to ask if I was well, +if I had dinner every day, and if I had warm clothes. When the frost +began the soldier came while I was out and brought a soft knitted scarf, +which gave out a soft, hardly perceptible scent, and I guessed who my +good fairy had been. For the scarf smelled of lily-of-the-valley, Aniuta +Blagovo's favourite scent. + +Toward winter there was more work and things became more cheerful. +Radish came to life again and we worked together in the cemetery church, +where we scraped the holy shrine for gilding. It was a clean, quiet, +and, as our mates said, a specially good job. We could do a great deal +in one day, and so time passed quickly, imperceptibly. There was no +swearing, nor laughing, nor loud altercations. The place compelled quiet +and decency, and disposed one for tranquil, serious thoughts. Absorbed +in our work, we stood or sat immovably, like statues; there was a dead +silence, very proper to a cemetery, so that if a tool fell down, or the +oil in the lamp spluttered, the sound would be loud and startling, and +we would turn to see what it was. After a long silence one could hear a +humming like that of a swarm of bees; in the porch, in an undertone, the +funeral service was being read over a dead baby; or a painter painting a +moon surrounded with stars on the cupola would begin to whistle quietly, +and remembering suddenly that he was in a church, would stop; or Radish +would sigh at his own thoughts: "Anything may happen! Anything may +happen!" or above our heads there would be the slow, mournful tolling of +a bell, and the painters would say it must be a rich man being brought +to the church.... + +The days I spent in the peace of the little church, and during the +evenings I played billiards, or went to the gallery of the theatre in +the new serge suit I had bought with my own hard-earned money. They were +already beginning plays and concerts at the Azhoguins', and Radish did +the scenery by himself. He told me about the plays and tableaux vivants +at the Azhoguins', and I listened to him enviously. I had a great +longing to take part in the rehearsals, but I dared not go to the +Azhoguins'. + +A week before Christmas Doctor Blagovo arrived, and we resumed our +arguments and played billiards in the evenings. When he played billiards +he used to take off his coat, and unfasten his shirt at the neck, and +generally try to look like a debauchee. He drank a little, but rowdily, +and managed to spend in a cheap tavern like the Volga as much as twenty +roubles in an evening. + +Once more my sister came to see me, and when they met they expressed +surprise, but I could see by her happy, guilty face that these meetings +were not accidental. One evening when we were playing billiards the +doctor said to me: + +"I say, why don't you call on Miss Dolyhikov? You don't know Maria +Victorovna. She is a clever, charming, simple creature." + +I told him how the engineer had received me in the spring. + +"Nonsense!" laughed the doctor. "The engineer is one thing and she is +another. Really, my good fellow, you mustn't offend her. Go and see her +some time. Let us go to-morrow evening. Will you?" + +He persuaded me. Next evening I donned my serge suit and with some +perturbation set out to call on Miss Dolyhikov. The footman did not seem +to me so haughty and formidable, or the furniture so oppressive, as on +the morning when I had come to ask for work. Maria Victorovna was +expecting me and greeted me as an old friend and gave my hand a warm, +friendly grip. She was wearing a grey dress with wide sleeves, and had +her hair done in the style which when it became the fashion a year later +in our town, was called "dog's ears." The hair was combed back over the +ears, and it made Maria Victorovna's face look broader, and she looked +very like her father, whose face was broad and red and rather like a +coachman's. She was handsome and elegant, but not young; about thirty to +judge by her appearance, though she was not more than twenty-five. + +"Dear doctor!" she said, making me sit down. "How grateful I am to him. +But for him, you would not have come. I am bored to death! My father has +gone and left me alone, and I do not know what to do with myself." + +Then she began to ask where I was working, how much I got, and where I +lived. + +"Do you only spend what you earn on yourself?" she asked. + +"Yes." + +"You are a happy man," she replied. "All the evil in life, it seems to +me, comes from boredom and idleness, and spiritual emptiness, which are +inevitable when one lives at other people's expense. Don't think I'm +showing off. I mean it sincerely. It is dull and unpleasant to be rich. +Win friends by just riches, they say, because as a rule there is and can +be no such thing as just riches." + +She looked at the furniture with a serious, cold expression, as though +she was making an inventory of it, and went on: + +"Ease and comfort possess a magic power. Little by little they seduce +even strong-willed people. Father and I used to live poorly and simply, +and now you see how we live. Isn't it strange?" she said with a shrug. +"We spend twenty thousand roubles a year! In the provinces!" + +"Ease and comfort must not be regarded as the inevitable privilege of +capital and education," I said. "It seems to me possible to unite the +comforts of life with work, however hard and dirty it may be. Your +father is rich, but, as he says, he used to be a mechanic, and just a +lubricator." + +She smiled and shook her head thoughtfully. + +"Papa sometimes eats _tiurya_," she said, "but only out of caprice." + +A bell rang and she got up. + +"The rich and the educated ought to work like the rest," she went on, +"and if there is to be any comfort, it should be accessible to all. +There should be no privileges. However, that's enough philosophy. Tell +me something cheerful. Tell me about the painters. What are they like? +Funny?" + +The doctor came. I began to talk about the painters, but, being unused +to it, I felt awkward and talked solemnly and ponderously like an +ethnographist. The doctor also told a few stories about working people. +He rocked to and fro and cried, and fell on his knees, and when he was +depicting a drunkard, lay flat on the floor. It was as good as a play, +and Maria Victorovna laughed until she cried. Then he played the piano +and sang in his high-pitched tenor, and Maria Victorovna stood by him +and told him what to sing and corrected him when he made a mistake. + +"I hear you sing, too," said I. + +"Too?" cried the doctor. "She is a wonderful singer, an artist, and you +say--too! Careful, careful!" + +"I used to study seriously," she replied, "but I have given it up now." + +She sat on a low stool and told us about her life in Petersburg, and +imitated famous singers, mimicking their voices and mannerisms; then she +sketched the doctor and myself in her album, not very well, but both +were good likenesses. She laughed and made jokes and funny faces, and +this suited her better than talking about unjust riches, and it seemed +to me that what she had said about "riches and comfort" came not from +herself, but was just mimicry. She was an admirable comedian. I compared +her mentally with the girls of our town, and not even the beautiful, +serious Aniuta Blagovo could stand up against her; the difference was as +vast as that between a wild and a garden rose. + +We stayed to supper. The doctor and Maria Victorovna drank red wine, +champagne, and coffee with cognac; they touched glasses and drank to +friendship, to wit, to progress, to freedom, and never got drunk, but +went rather red and laughed for no reason until they cried. To avoid +being out of it I, too, drank red wine. + +"People with talent and with gifted natures," said Miss Dolyhikov, "know +how to live and go their own way; but ordinary people like myself know +nothing and can do nothing by themselves; there is nothing for them but +to find some deep social current and let themselves be borne along by +it." + +"Is it possible to find that which does not exist?" asked the doctor. + +"It doesn't exist because we don't see it." + +"Is that so? Social currents are the invention of modern literature. +They don't exist here." + +A discussion began. + +"We have no profound social movements; nor have we had them," said the +doctor. "Modern literature has invented a lot of things, and modern +literature invented intellectual working men in village life, but go +through all our villages and you will only find Mr. Cheeky Snout in a +jacket or black frock coat, who will make four mistakes in the word +'one.' Civilised life has not begun with us yet. We have the same +savagery, the same slavery, the same nullity as we had five hundred +years ago. Movements, currents--all that is so wretched and puerile +mixed up with such vulgar, catch-penny interests--and one cannot take it +seriously. You may think you have discovered a large social movement, +and you may follow it and devote your life in the modern fashion to such +problems as the liberation of vermin from slavery, or the abolition of +meat cutlets--and I congratulate you, madam. But we have to learn, +learn, learn, and there will be plenty of time for social movements; we +are not up to them yet, and upon my soul, we don't understand anything +at all about them." + +"You don't understand, but I do," said Maria Victorovna. "Good Heavens! +What a bore you are to-night." + +"It is our business to learn and learn, to try and accumulate as much +knowledge as possible, because serious social movements come where there +is knowledge, and the future happiness of mankind lies in science. +Here's to science!" + +"One thing is certain. Life must somehow be arranged differently," said +Maria Victorovna, after some silence and deep thought, "and life as it +has been up to now is worthless. Don't let us talk about it." + +When we left her the Cathedral clock struck two. + +"Did you like her?" asked the doctor. "Isn't she a dear girl?" + +We had dinner at Maria Victorovna's on Christmas Day, and then we went +to see her every day during the holidays. There was nobody besides +ourselves, and she was right when she said she had no friends in the +town but the doctor and me. We spent most of the time talking, and +sometimes the doctor would bring a book or a magazine and read aloud. +After all, he was the first cultivated man I had met. I could not tell +if he knew much, but he was always generous with his knowledge because +he wished others to know too. When he talked about medicine, he was not +like any of our local doctors, but he made a new and singular +impression, and it seemed to me that if he had wished he could have +become a genuine scientist. And perhaps he was the only person at that +time who had any real influence over me. Meeting him and reading the +books he gave me, I began gradually to feel a need for knowledge to +inspire the tedium of my work. It seemed strange to me that I had not +known before such things as that the whole world consisted of sixty +elements. I did not know what oil or paint was, and I could do without +knowing. My acquaintance with the doctor raised me morally too. I used +to argue with him, and though I usually stuck to my opinion, yet, +through him, I came gradually to perceive that everything was not clear +to me, and I tried to cultivate convictions as definite as possible so +that the promptings of my conscience should be precise and have nothing +vague about them. Nevertheless, educated and fine as he was, far and +away the best man in the town, he was by no means perfect. There was +something rather rude and priggish in his ways and in his trick of +dragging talk down to discussion, and when he took off his coat and sat +in his shirt and gave the footman a tip, it always seemed to me that +culture was just a part of him, with the rest untamed Tartar. + +After the holidays he left once more for Petersburg. He went in the +morning and after dinner my sister came to see me. Without taking off +her furs, she sat silent, very pale, staring in front of her. She began +to shiver and seemed to be fighting against some illness. + +"You must have caught a cold," I said. + +Her eyes filled with tears. She rose and went to Karpovna without a +word to me, as though I had offended her. And a little later I heard her +speaking in a tone of bitter reproach. + +"Nurse, what have I been living for, up to now? What for? Tell me; +haven't I wasted my youth? During the last years I have had nothing but +making up accounts, pouring out tea, counting the copecks, entertaining +guests, without a thought that there was anything better in the world! +Nurse, try to understand me, I too have human desires and I want to live +and they have made a housekeeper of me. It is awful, awful!" + +She flung her keys against the door and they fell with a clatter in my +room. They were the keys of the side-board, the larder, the cellar, and +the tea-chest--the keys my mother used to carry. + +"Oh! Oh! Saints above!" cried my old nurse in terror. "The blessed +saints!" + +When she left, my sister came into my room for her keys and said: + +"Forgive me. Something strange has been going on in me lately." + + +VIII + +One evening when I came home late from Maria Victorovna's I found a +young policeman in a new uniform in my room; he was sitting by the table +reading. + +"At last!" he said getting up and stretching himself. "This is the third +time I have been to see you. The governor has ordered you to go and see +him to-morrow at nine o'clock sharp. Don't be late." + +He made me give him a written promise to comply with his Excellency's +orders and went away. This policeman's visit and the unexpected +invitation to see the governor had a most depressing effect on me. From +my early childhood I have had a dread of gendarmes, police, legal +officials, and I was tormented with anxiety as though I had really +committed a crime and I could not sleep. Nurse and Prokofyi were also +upset and could not sleep. And, to make things worse, nurse had an +earache, and moaned and more than once screamed out. Hearing that I +could not sleep Prokofyi came quietly into my room with a little lamp +and sat by the table. + +"You should have a drop of pepper-brandy...." he said after some +thought. "In this vale of tears things go on all right when you take a +drop. And if mother had some pepper-brandy poured into her ear she +would be much better." + +About three he got ready to go to the slaughter-house to fetch some +meat. I knew I should not sleep until morning, and to use up the time +until nine, I went with him. We walked with a lantern, and his boy, +Nicolka, who was about thirteen, and had blue spots on his face and an +expression like a murderer's, drove behind us in a sledge, urging the +horse on with hoarse cries. + +"You will probably be punished at the governor's," said Prokofyi as we +walked. "There is a governor's rank, and an archimandrite's rank, and an +officer's rank, and a doctor's rank, and every profession has its own +rank. You don't keep to yours and they won't allow it." + +The slaughter-house stood behind the cemetery, and till then I had only +seen it at a distance. It consisted of three dark sheds surrounded by a +grey fence, from which, when the wind was in that direction in summer, +there came an overpowering stench. Now, as I entered the yard, I could +not see the sheds in the darkness; I groped through horses and sledges, +both empty and laden with meat; and there were men walking about with +lanterns and swearing disgustingly. Prokofyi and Nicolka swore as +filthily and there was a continuous hum from the swearing and coughing +and the neighing of the horses. + +The place smelled of corpses and offal, the snow was thawing and already +mixed with mud, and in the darkness it seemed to me that I was walking +through a pool of blood. + +When we had filled the sledge with meat, we went to the butcher's shop +in the market-place. Day was beginning to dawn. One after another the +cooks came with baskets and old women in mantles. With an axe in his +hand, wearing a white, blood-stained apron, Prokofyi swore terrifically +and crossed himself, turning toward the church, and shouted so loud that +he could be heard all over the market, avowing that he sold his meat at +cost price and even at a loss. He cheated in weighing and reckoning, the +cooks saw it, but, dazed by his shouting, they did not protest, but only +called him a gallows-bird. + +Raising and dropping his formidable axe, he assumed picturesque +attitudes and constantly uttered the sound "Hak!" with a furious +expression, and I was really afraid of his cutting off some one's head +or hand. + +I stayed in the butcher's shop the whole morning, and when at last I +went to the governor's my fur coat smelled of meat and blood. My state +of mind would have been appropriate for an encounter with a bear armed +with no more than a staff. I remember a long staircase with a striped +carpet, and a young official in a frock coat with shining buttons, who +silently indicated the door with both hands and went in to announce me. +I entered the hall, where the furniture was most luxurious, but cold and +tasteless, forming a most unpleasant impression--the tall, narrow +pier-glasses, and the bright, yellow hangings over the windows; one +could see that, though governors changed, the furniture remained the +same. The young official again pointed with both hands to the door and +went toward a large, green table, by which stood a general with the +Order of Vladimir at his neck. + +"Mr. Pologniev," he began, holding a letter in his hand and opening his +mouth wide so that it made a round O. "I asked you to come to say this +to you: 'Your esteemed father has applied verbally and in writing to the +provincial marshal of nobility, to have you summoned and made to see the +incongruity of your conduct with the title of nobleman which you have +the honour to bear. His Excellency Alexander Pavlovich, justly thinking +that your conduct may be subversive, and finding that persuasion may not +be sufficient, without serious intervention on the part of the +authorities, has given me his decision as to your case, and I agree with +him.'" + +He said this quietly, respectfully, standing erect as if I was his +superior, and his expression was not at all severe. He had a flabby, +tired face, covered with wrinkles, with pouches under his eyes; his hair +was dyed, and it was hard to guess his age from his appearance--fifty or +sixty. + +"I hope," he went on, "that you will appreciate Alexander Pavlovich's +delicacy in applying to me, not officially, but privately. I have +invited you unofficially not as a governor, but as a sincere admirer of +your father's. And I ask you to change your conduct and to return to the +duties proper to your rank, or, to avoid the evil effects of your +example, to go to some other place where you are not known and where you +may do what you like. Otherwise I shall have to resort to extreme +measures." + +For half a minute he stood in silence staring at me open-mouthed. + +"Are you a vegetarian?" he asked. + +"No, your Excellency, I eat meat." + +He sat down and took up a document, and I bowed and left. + +It was not worth while going to work before dinner. I went home and +tried to sleep, but could not because of the unpleasant, sickly feeling +from the slaughter-house and my conversation with the governor. And so I +dragged through till the evening and then, feeling gloomy and out of +sorts, I went to see Maria Victorovna. I told her about my visit to the +governor and she looked at me in bewilderment, as if she did not believe +me, and suddenly she began to laugh merrily, heartily, stridently, as +only good-natured, light-hearted people can. + +"If I were to tell this in Petersburg!" she cried, nearly dropping with +laughter, bending over the table. "If I could tell them in Petersburg!" + + +IX + +Now we saw each other often, sometimes twice a day. Almost every day, +after dinner, she drove up to the cemetery and, as she waited for me, +read the inscriptions on the crosses and monuments. Sometimes she came +into the church and stood by my side and watched me working. The +silence, the simple industry of the painters and gilders, Radish's good +sense, and the fact that outwardly I was no different from the other +artisans and worked as they did, in a waistcoat and old shoes, and that +they addressed me familiarly--were new to her, and she was moved by it +all. Once in her presence a painter who was working, at a door on the +roof, called down to me: + +"Misail, fetch me the white lead." + +I fetched him the white lead and as I came down the scaffolding she was +moved to tears and looked at me and smiled: + +"What a dear you are!" she said. + +I have always remembered how when I was a child a green parrot got out +of its cage in one of the rich people's houses and wandered about the +town for a whole month, flying from one garden to another, homeless and +lonely. And Maria Victorovna reminded me of the bird. + +"Except to the cemetery," she said with a laugh, "I have absolutely +nowhere to go. The town bores me to tears. People read, sing, and +twitter at the Azhoguins', but I cannot bear them lately. Your sister is +shy, Miss Blagovo for some reason hates me. I don't like the theatre. +What can I do with myself?" + +When I was at her house I smelled of paint and turpentine, and my hands +were stained. She liked that. She wanted me to come to her in my +ordinary working-clothes; but I felt awkward in them in her +drawing-room, and as if I were in uniform, and so I always wore my new +serge suit. She did not like that. + +"You must confess," she said once, "that you have not got used to your +new rôle. A working-man's suit makes you feel awkward and embarrassed. +Tell me, isn't it because you are not sure of yourself and are +unsatisfied? Does this work you have chosen, this painting of yours, +really satisfy you?" she asked merrily. "I know paint makes things look +nicer and wear better, but the things themselves belong to the rich and +after all they are a luxury. Besides you have said more than once that +everybody should earn his living with his own hands and you earn money, +not bread. Why don't you keep to the exact meaning of what you say? You +must earn bread, real bread, you must plough, sow, reap, thrash, or do +something which has to do directly with agriculture, such as keeping +cows, digging, or building houses...." + +She opened a handsome bookcase which stood by the writing-table and +said: + +"I'm telling you all this because I'm going to let you into my secret. +Voilà. This is my agricultural library. Here are books on arable land, +vegetable-gardens, orchard-keeping, cattle-keeping, bee-keeping: I read +them eagerly and have studied the theory of everything thoroughly. It is +my dream to go to Dubechnia as soon as March begins. It is wonderful +there, amazing; isn't it? The first year I shall only be learning the +work and getting used to it, and in the second year I shall begin to +work thoroughly, without sparing myself. My father promised to give me +Dubechnia as a present, and I am to do anything I like with it." + +She blushed and with mingled laughter and tears she dreamed aloud of her +life at Dubechnia and how absorbing it would be. And I envied her. March +would soon be here. The days were drawing out, and in the bright sunny +afternoons the snow dripped from the roofs, and the smell of spring was +in the air. I too longed for the country. + +And when she said she was going to live at Dubechnia, I saw at once that +I should be left alone in the town, and I felt jealous of the bookcase +with her books about farming. I knew and cared nothing about farming and +I was on the point of telling her that agriculture was work for slaves, +but I recollected that my father had once said something of the sort +and I held my peace. + +Lent began. The engineer, Victor Ivanich, came home from Petersburg. I +had begun to forget his existence. He came unexpectedly, not even +sending a telegram. When I went there as usual in the evening, he was +walking up and down the drawing-room, after a bath, with his hair cut, +looking ten years younger, and talking. His daughter was kneeling by his +trunks and taking out boxes, bottles, books, and handing them to Pavel +the footman. When I saw the engineer, I involuntarily stepped back and +he held out both his hands and smiled and showed his strong, white, +cab-driver's teeth. + +"Here he is! Here he is! I'm very pleased to see you, Mr. House-painter! +Maria told me all about you and sang your praises. I quite understand +you and heartily approve." He took me by the arm and went on: "It is +much cleverer and more honest to be a decent workman than to spoil State +paper and to wear a cockade. I myself worked with my hands in Belgium. I +was an engine-driver for five years...." + +He was wearing a short jacket and comfortable slippers, and he shuffled +along like a gouty man waving and rubbing his hands; humming and buzzing +and shrugging with pleasure at being at home again with his favourite +shower-bath. + +"There's no denying," he said at supper, "there's no denying that you +are kind, sympathetic people, but somehow as soon as you gentlefolk take +on manual labour or try to spare the peasants, you reduce it all to +sectarianism. You are a sectarian. You don't drink vodka. What is that +but sectarianism?" + +To please him I drank vodka. I drank wine, too. We ate cheese, sausages, +pastries, pickles, and all kinds of dainties that the engineer had +brought with him, and we sampled wines sent from abroad during his +absence. They were excellent. For some reason the engineer had wines and +cigars sent from abroad--duty free; somebody sent him caviare and +_baliki_ gratis; he did not pay rent for his house because his landlord +supplied the railway with kerosene, and generally he and his daughter +gave me the impression of having all the best things in the world at +their service free of charge. + +I went on visiting them, but with less pleasure than before. The +engineer oppressed me and I felt cramped in his presence. I could not +endure his clear, innocent eyes; his opinions bored me and were +offensive to me, and I was distressed by the recollection that I had so +recently been subordinate to this ruddy, well-fed man, and that he had +been mercilessly rude to me. True he would put his arm round my waist +and clap me kindly on the shoulder and approve of my way of living, but +I felt that he despised my nullity just as much as before and only +suffered me to please his daughter, but I could no longer laugh and talk +easily, and I thought myself ill-mannered, and all the time was +expecting him to call me Panteley as he did his footman Pavel. How my +provincial, bourgeois pride rode up against him! I, a working man, a +painter, going every day to the house of rich strangers, whom the whole +town regarded as foreigners, and drinking their expensive wines and +outlandish dishes! I could not reconcile this with my conscience. When I +went to see them I sternly avoided those whom I met on the way, and +looked askance at them like a real sectarian, and when I left the +engineer's house I was ashamed of feeling so well-fed. + +But chiefly I was afraid of falling in love. Whether walking in the +street, or working, or talking to my mates, I thought all the time of +going to Maria Victorovna's in the evening, and always had her voice, +her laughter, her movements with me. And always as I got ready to go to +her, I would stand for a long time in front of the cracked mirror tying +my necktie; my serge suit seemed horrible to me, and I suffered, but at +the same time, despised myself for feeling so small. When she called to +me from another room to say that she was not dressed yet and to ask me +to wait a bit, and I could hear her dressing, I was agitated and felt as +though the floor was sinking under me. And when I saw a woman in the +street, even at a distance, I fell to comparing her figure with hers, +and it seemed to me that all our women and girls were vulgar, absurdly +dressed, and without manners; and such comparisons roused in me a +feeling of pride; Maria Victorovna was better than all of them. And at +night I dreamed of her and myself. + +Once at supper the engineer and I ate a whole lobster. When I reached +home I remember that the engineer had twice called me "my dear fellow," +and I thought that they treated me as they might have done a big, +unhappy dog, separated from his master, and that they were amusing +themselves with me, and that they would order me away like a dog when +they were bored with me. I began to feel ashamed and hurt; went to the +point of tears, as though I had been insulted, and, raising my eyes to +the heavens, I vowed to put an end to it all. + +Next day I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. Late at night, when it was +quite dark and pouring with rain, I walked up and down Great Gentry +Street, looking at the windows. At the Azhoguins' everybody was asleep +and the only light was in one of the top windows; old Mrs. Azhoguin was +sitting in her room embroidering by candle-light and imagining herself +to be fighting against prejudice. It was dark in our house and opposite, +at the Dolyhikovs' the windows were lit up, but it was impossible to see +anything through the flowers and curtains. I kept on walking up and down +the street; I was soaked through with the cold March rain. I heard my +father come home from the club; he knocked at the door; in a minute a +light appeared at a window and I saw my sister walking quickly with her +lamp and hurriedly arranging her thick hair. Then my father paced up and +down the drawing-room, talking and rubbing his hands, and my sister sat +still in a corner, lost in thought, not listening to him.... + +But soon they left the room and the light was put out.... I looked at +the engineer's house and that too was now dark. In the darkness and the +rain I felt desperately lonely. Cast out at the mercy of Fate, and I +felt how, compared with my loneliness, and my suffering, actual and to +come, all my work and all my desires and all that I had hitherto thought +and read, were vain and futile. Alas! The activities and thoughts of +human beings are not nearly so important as their sorrows! And not +knowing exactly what I was doing I pulled with all my might at the bell +at the Dolyhikovs' gate, broke it, and ran away down the street like a +little boy, full of fear, thinking they would rush out at once and +recognise me. When I stopped to take breath at the end of the street, I +could hear nothing but the falling rain and far away a night-watchman +knocking on a sheet of iron. + +For a whole week I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. I sold my serge suit. +I had no work and I was once more half-starved, earning ten or twenty +copecks a day, when possible, by disagreeable work. Floundering +knee-deep in the mire, putting out all my strength, I tried to drown my +memories and to punish myself for all the cheeses and pickles to which I +had been treated at the engineer's. Still, no sooner did I go to bed, +wet and hungry, than my untamed imagination set to work to evolve +wonderful, alluring pictures, and to my amazement I confessed that I was +in love, passionately in love, and I fell sound asleep feeling that the +hard life had only made my body stronger and younger. + +One evening it began, most unseasonably, to snow, and the wind blew from +the north, exactly as if winter had begun again. When I got home from +work I found Maria Victorovna in my room. She was in her furs with her +hands in her muff. + +"Why don't you come to see me?" she asked, looking at me with her bright +sagacious eyes, and I was overcome with joy and stood stiffly in front +of her, just as I had done with my father when he was going to thrash +me; she looked straight into my face and I could see by her eyes that +she understood why I was overcome. + +"Why don't you come to see me?" she repeated. "You don't want to come? I +had to come to you." + +She got up and came close to me. + +"Don't leave me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "I am +lonely, utterly lonely." + +She began to cry and said, covering her face with her muff: + +"Alone! Life is hard, very hard, and in the whole world I have no one +but you. Don't leave me!" + +Looking for her handkerchief to dry her tears, she gave a smile; we were +silent for some time, then I embraced and kissed her, and the pin in her +hat scratched my face and drew blood. + +And we began to talk as though we had been dear to each other for a +long, long time. + + +X + +In a couple of days she sent me to Dubechnia and I was beyond words +delighted with it. As I walked to the station, and as I sat in the +train, I laughed for no reason and people thought me drunk. There were +snow and frost in the mornings still, but the roads were getting dark, +and there were rooks cawing above them. + +At first I thought of arranging the side wing opposite Mrs. Cheprakov's +for myself and Masha, but it appeared that doves and pigeons had taken +up their abode there and it would be impossible to cleanse it without +destroying a great number of nests. We would have to live willy-nilly in +the uncomfortable rooms with Venetian blinds in the big house. The +peasants called it a palace; there were more than twenty rooms in it, +and the only furniture was a piano and a child's chair, lying in the +attic, and even if Masha brought all her furniture from town we should +not succeed in removing the impression of frigid emptiness and coldness. +I chose three small rooms with windows looking on to the garden, and +from early morning till late at night I was at work in them, glazing the +windows, hanging paper, blocking up the chinks and holes in the floor. +It was an easy, pleasant job. Every now and then I would run to the +river to see if the ice was breaking and all the while I dreamed of the +starlings returning. And at night when I thought of Masha I would be +filled with an inexpressibly sweet feeling of an all-embracing joy to +listen to the rats and the wind rattling and knocking above the ceiling; +it was like an old hobgoblin coughing in the attic. + +The snow was deep; there was a heavy fall at the end of March, but it +thawed rapidly, as if by magic, and the spring floods rushed down so +that by the beginning of April the starlings were already chattering and +yellow butterflies fluttered in the garden. The weather was wonderful. +Every day toward evening I walked toward the town to meet Masha, and how +delightful it was to walk along the soft, drying road with bare feet! +Half-way I would sit down and look at the town, not daring to go nearer. +The sight of it upset me, I was always wondering how my acquaintances +would behave toward me when they heard of my love. What would my father +say? I was particularly worried by the idea that my life was becoming +more complicated, and that I had entirely lost control of it, and that +she was carrying me off like a balloon, God knows whither. I had already +given up thinking how to make a living, and I thought--indeed, I cannot +remember what I thought. + +Masha used to come in a carriage. I would take a seat beside her and +together, happy and free, we used to drive to Dubechnia. Or, having +waited till sunset, I would return home, weary and disconsolate, +wondering why Masha had not come, and then by the gate or in the garden +I would find my darling. She would come by the railway and walk over +from the station. What a triumph she had then! In her plain, woollen +dress, with a simple umbrella, but keeping a trim, fashionable figure +and expensive, Parisian boots--she was a gifted actress playing the +country girl. We used to go over the house, and plan out the rooms, and +the paths, and the vegetable-garden, and the beehives. We already had +chickens and ducks and geese which we loved because they were ours. We +had oats, clover, buckwheat, and vegetable seeds all ready for sowing, +and we used to examine them all and wonder what the crops would be like, +and everything Masha said to me seemed extraordinarily clever and fine. +This was the happiest time of my life. + +Soon after Easter we were married in the parish church in the village of +Kurilovka three miles from Dubechnia. Masha wanted everything to be +simple; by her wish our bridesmen were peasant boys, only one deacon +sang, and we returned from the church in a little, shaky cart which she +drove herself. My sister was the only guest from the town. Masha had +sent her a note a couple of days before the wedding. My sister wore a +white dress and white gloves.... During the ceremony she cried softly +for joy and emotion, and her face had a maternal expression of infinite +goodness. She was intoxicated with our happiness and smiled as though +she were breathing a sweet perfume, and when I looked at her I +understood that there was nothing in the world higher in her eyes than +love, earthly love, and that she was always dreaming of love, secretly, +timidly, yet passionately. She embraced Masha and kissed her, and, not +knowing how to express her ecstasy, she said to her of me: + +"He is a good man! A very good man." + +Before she left us, she put on her ordinary clothes, and took me into +the garden to have a quiet talk. + +"Father is very hurt that you have not written to him," she said. "You +should have asked for his blessing. But, at heart, he is very pleased. +He says that this marriage will raise you in the eyes of society, and +that under Maria Victorovna's influence you will begin to adopt a more +serious attitude toward life. In the evening now we talk about nothing +but you; and yesterday he even said, 'our Misail.' I was delighted. He +has evidently thought of a plan and I believe he wants to set you an +example of magnanimity, and that he will be the first to talk of +reconciliation. It is quite possible that one of these days he will come +and see you here." + +She made the sign of the cross over me and said: + +"Well, God bless you. Be happy. Aniuta Blagovo is a very clever girl. +She says of your marriage that God has sent you a new ordeal. Well? +Married life is not made up only of joy but of suffering as well. It is +impossible to avoid it." + +Masha and I walked about three miles with her, and then walked home +quietly and silently, as though it were a rest for both of us. Masha had +her hand on my arm. We were at peace and there was no need to talk of +love; after the wedding we grew closer to each other and dearer, and it +seemed as though nothing could part us. + +"Your sister is a dear, lovable creature," said Masha, "but looks as +though she had lived in torture. Your father must be a terrible man." + +I began to tell her how my sister and I had been brought up and how +absurd and full of torture our childhood had been. When she heard that +my father had thrashed me quite recently she shuddered and clung to me: + + +"Don't tell me any more," she said. "It is too horrible." + +And now she did not leave me. We lived in the big house, in three rooms, +and in the evenings we bolted the door that led to the empty part of the +house, as though some one lived there whom we did not know and feared. I +used to get up early, at dawn, and begin working. I repaired the carts; +made paths in the garden, dug the beds, painted the roofs. When the time +came to sow oats, I tried to plough and harrow, and sow and did it all +conscientiously, and did not leave it all to the labourer. I used to get +tired, and my face and feet used to burn with the rain and the sharp +cold wind. But work in the fields did not attract me. I knew nothing +about agriculture and did not like it; perhaps because my ancestors were +not tillers of the soil and pure town blood ran in my veins. I loved +nature dearly; I loved the fields and the meadows and the garden, but +the peasant who turns the earth with his plough, shouting at his +miserable horse, ragged and wet, with bowed shoulders, was to me an +expression of wild, rude, ugly force, and as I watched his clumsy +movements I could not help thinking of the long-passed legendary life, +when men did not yet know the use of fire. The fierce bull which led the +herd, and the horses that stampeded through the village, filled me with +terror, and all the large creatures, strong and hostile, a ram with +horns, a gander, or a watch-dog seemed to me to be symbolical of some +rough, wild force. These prejudices used to be particularly strong in me +in bad weather, when heavy clouds hung over the black plough-lands. But +worst of all was that when I was ploughing or sowing, and a few peasants +stood and watched how I did it, I no longer felt the inevitability and +necessity of the work and it seemed to me that I was trifling my time +away. + +I used to go through the gardens and the meadow to the mill. It was +leased by Stiepan, a Kurilovka peasant; handsome, swarthy, with a black +beard--an athletic appearance. He did not care for mill work and thought +it tiresome and unprofitable, and he only lived at the mill to escape +from home. He was a saddler and always smelled of tan and leather. He +did not like talking, was slow and immovable, and used to hum +"U-lu-lu-lu," sitting on the bank or in the doorway of the mill. +Sometimes his wife and mother-in-law used to come from Kurilovka to see +him; they were both fair, languid, soft, and they used to bow to him +humbly and call him Stiepan Petrovich. And he would not answer their +greeting with a word or a sign, but would turn where he sat on the bank +and hum quietly: "U-lu-lu-lu." There would be a silence for an hour or +two. His mother-in-law and his wife would whisper to each other, get up +and look expectantly at him for some time, waiting for him to look at +them, and then they would bow humbly and say in sweet, soft voices: + +"Good-bye, Stiepan Petrovich." + +And they would go away. After that, Stiepan would put away the bundle of +cracknels or the shirt they had left for him and sigh and give a wink in +their direction and say: + +"The female sex!" + +The mill was worked with both wheels day and night. I used to help +Stiepan, I liked it, and when he went away I was glad to take his place. + + +XI + +After a spell of warm bright weather we had a season of bad roads. It +rained and was cold all through May. The grinding of the millstones and +the drip of the rain induced idleness and sleep. The floor shook, the +whole place smelled of flour, and this too made one drowsy. My wife in a +short fur coat and high rubber boots used to appear twice a day and she +always said the same thing: + +"Call this summer! It is worse than October!" + +We used to have tea together and cook porridge, or sit together for +hours in silence thinking the rain would never stop. Once when Stiepan +went away to a fair, Masha stayed the night in the mill. When we got up +we could not tell what time it was for the sky was overcast; the sleepy +cocks at Dubechnia were crowing, and the corncrakes were trilling in the +meadow; it was very, very early.... My wife and I walked down to the +pool and drew up the bow-net that Stiepan had put out in our presence +the day before. There was one large perch in it and a crayfish angrily +stretched out his claws. + +"Let them go," said Masha. "Let them be happy too." + +Because we got up very early and had nothing to do, the day seemed very +long, the longest in my life. Stiepan returned before dusk and I went +back to the farmhouse. + +"Your father came here to-day," said Masha. + +"Where is he?" + +"He has gone. I did not receive him." + +Seeing my silence and feeling that I was sorry for my father, she said: + +"We must be logical. I did not receive him and sent a message to ask him +not to trouble us again and not to come and see us." + +In a moment I was outside the gates, striding toward the town to make it +up with my father. It was muddy, slippery, cold. For the first time +since our marriage I suddenly felt sad, and through my brain, tired with +the long day, there flashed the thought that perhaps I was not living as +I ought; I got more and more tired and was gradually overcome with +weakness, inertia; I had no desire to move or to think, and after +walking for some time, I waved my hand and went home. + +In the middle of the yard stood the engineer in a leather coat with a +hood. He was shouting: + +"Where's the furniture? There was some good Empire furniture, pictures, +vases. There's nothing left! Damn it, I bought the place with the +furniture!" + +Near him stood Moissey, Mrs. Cheprakov's bailiff, fumbling with his cap; +a lank fellow of about twenty-five, with a spotty face and little, +impudent eyes; one side of his face was larger than the other as though +he had been lain on. + +"Yes, Right Honourable Sir, you bought it without the furniture," he +said sheepishly. "I remember that clearly." + +"Silence!" shouted the engineer, going red in the face, and beginning to +shake, and his shout echoed through the garden. + + +XII + +When I was busy in the garden or the yard, Moissey would stand with his +hands behind his back and stare at me impertinently with his little +eyes. And this used to irritate me to such an extent that I would put +aside my work and go away. + +We learned from Stiepan that Moissey had been Mrs. Cheprakov's lover. I +noticed that when people went to her for money they used to apply to +Moissey first, and once I saw a peasant, a charcoal-burner, black all +over, grovel at his feet. Sometimes after a whispered conversation +Moissey would hand over the money himself without saying anything to his +mistress, from which I concluded that the transaction was settled on his +own account. + +He used to shoot in our garden, under our very windows, steal food from +our larder, borrow our horses without leave, and we were furious, +feeling that Dubechnia was no longer ours, and Masha used to go pale and +say: + +"Have we to live another year and a half with these creatures?" + +Ivan Cheprakov, the son, was a guard on the railway. During the winter +he got very thin and weak, so that he got drunk on one glass of vodka, +and felt cold out of the sun. He hated wearing his guard's uniform and +was ashamed of it, but found his job profitable because he could steal +candles and sell them. My new position gave him a mixed feeling of +astonishment, envy, and vague hope that something of the sort might +happen to him. He used to follow Masha with admiring eyes, and to ask me +what I had for dinner nowadays, and his ugly, emaciated face used to +wear a sweet, sad expression, and he used to twitch his fingers as +though he could feel my happiness with them. + +"I say, Little Profit," he would say excitedly, lighting and relighting +his cigarette; he always made a mess wherever he stood because he used +to waste a whole box of matches on one cigarette. "I say, my life is +about as beastly as it could be. Every little squirt of a soldier can +shout: 'Here guard! Here!' I have such a lot in the trains and you know, +mine's a rotten life! My mother has ruined me! I heard a doctor say in +the train, if the parents are loose, their children become drunkards or +criminals. That's it." + +Once he came staggering into the yard. His eyes wandered aimlessly and +he breathed heavily; he laughed and cried, and said something in a kind +of frenzy, and through his thickly uttered words I could only hear: "My +mother? Where is my mother?" and he wailed like a child crying, because +it has lost its mother in a crowd. I led him away into the garden and +laid him down under a tree, and all that day and through the night Masha +and I took it in turns to stay with him. He was sick and Masha looked +with disgust at his pale, wet face and said: + +"Are we to have these creatures on the place for another year and a +half? It is awful! Awful!" + +And what a lot of trouble the peasants gave us! How many disappointments +we had at the outset, in the spring, when we so longed to be happy! My +wife built a school. I designed the school for sixty boys, and the +Zemstvo Council approved the design, but recommended our building the +school at Kurilovka, the big village, only three miles away; besides the +Kurilovka school, where the children of four villages, including that of +Dubechnia, were taught, was old and inadequate and the floor was so +rotten that the children were afraid to walk on it. At the end of March +Masha, by her own desire, was appointed trustee of the Kurilovka school, +and at the beginning of April we called three parish meetings and +persuaded the peasants that the school was old and inadequate, and that +it was necessary to build a new one. A member of the Zemstvo Council and +the elementary school inspector came down too and addressed them. After +each meeting we were mobbed and asked for a pail of vodka; we felt +stifled in the crowd and soon got tired and returned home dissatisfied +and rather abashed. At last the peasants allotted a site for the school +and undertook to cart the materials from the town. And as soon as the +spring corn was sown, on the very first Sunday, carts set out from +Kurilovka and Dubechnia to fetch the bricks for the foundations. They +went at dawn and returned late in the evening. The peasants were drunk +and said they were tired out. + +The rain and the cold continued, as though deliberately, all through +May. The roads were spoiled and deep in mud. When the carts came from +town they usually drove to our horror, into our yard! A horse would +appear in the gate, straddling its fore legs, with its big belly +heaving; before it came into the yard it would strain and heave and +after it would come a ten-yard beam in a four-wheeled wagon, wet and +slimy; alongside it, wrapped up to keep the rain out, never looking +where he was going and splashing through the puddles, a peasant would +walk with the skirt of his coat tucked up in his belt. Another cart +would appear with planks; then a third with a beam; then a fourth ... +and the yard in front of the house would gradually be blocked up with +horses, beams, planks. Peasants, men and women with their heads wrapped +up and their skirts tucked up, would stare morosely at our windows, kick +up a row and insist on the lady of the house coming out to them; and +they would curse and swear. And in a corner Moissey would stand, and it +seemed to us that he delighted in our discomfiture. + +"We won't cart any more!" the peasants shouted. "We are tired to death! +Let her go and cart it herself!" + +Pale and scared, thinking they would any minute break into the house, +Masha would send them money for a pail of vodka; after which the noise +would die down and the long beams would go jolting out of the yard. + +When I went to look at the building my wife would get agitated and say: + +"The peasants are furious. They might do something to you. No. Wait. +I'll go with you." + +We used to drive over to Kurilovka together and then the carpenters +would ask for tips. The framework was ready for the foundations to be +laid, but the masons never came and when at last the masons did come it +was apparent that there was no sand; somehow it had been forgotten that +sand was wanted. Taking advantage of our helplessness, the peasants +asked thirty copecks a load, although it was less than a quarter of a +mile from the building to the river where the sand was to be fetched, +and more than five hundred loads were needed. There were endless +misunderstandings, wrangles, and continual begging. My wife was +indignant and the building contractor, Petrov, an old man of seventy, +took her by the hand and said: + +"You look here! Look here! Just get me sand and I'll find ten men and +have the work done in two days. Look here!" + +Sand was brought, but two, four days, a week passed and still there +yawned a ditch where the foundations were to be. + +"I shall go mad," cried my wife furiously. "What wretches they are! What +wretches!" + +During these disturbances Victor Ivanich used to come and see us. He +used to bring hampers of wine and dainties, and eat for a long time, and +then go to sleep on the terrace and snore so that the labourers shook +their heads and said: + +"He's all right!" + +Masha took no pleasure in his visits. She did not believe in him, and +yet she used to ask his advice; when, after a sound sleep after dinner, +he got up out of humour, and spoke disparagingly of our domestic +arrangements, and said he was sorry he had ever bought Dubechnia which +had cost him so much, and poor Masha looked miserably anxious and +complained to him, he would yawn and say the peasants ought to be +flogged. + +He called our marriage and the life we were living a comedy, and used to +say it was a caprice, a whimsy. + +"She did the same sort of thing once before," he told me. "She fancied +herself as an opera singer, and ran away from me. It took me two months +to find her, and my dear fellow, I wasted a thousand roubles on +telegrams alone." + +He had dropped calling me a sectarian or the House-painter; and no +longer approved of my life as a working man, but he used to say: + +"You are a queer fish! An abnormality. I don't venture to prophesy, but +you will end badly!" + +Masha slept poorly at nights and would sit by the window of our bedroom +thinking. She no longer laughed and made faces at supper. I suffered, +and when it rained, every drop cut into my heart like a bullet, and I +could have gone on my knees to Masha and apologised for the weather. +When the peasants made a row in the yard, I felt that it was my fault. I +would sit for hours in one place, thinking only how splendid and how +wonderful Masha was. I loved her passionately, and I was enraptured by +everything she did and said. Her taste was for quiet indoor occupation; +she loved to read for hours and to study; she who knew about farm-work +only from books, surprised us all by her knowledge and the advice she +gave was always useful, and when applied was never in vain. And in +addition she had the fineness, the taste, and the good sense, the very +sound sense which only very well-bred people possess! + +To such a woman, with her healthy, orderly mind, the chaotic environment +with its petty cares and dirty tittle-tattle, in which we lived, was +very painful. I could see that, and I, too, could not sleep at night. My +brain whirled and I could hardly choke back my tears. I tossed about, +not knowing what to do. + +I used to rush to town and bring Masha books, newspapers, sweets, +flowers, and I used to go fishing with Stiepan, dragging for hours, +neck-deep in cold water, in the rain, to catch an eel by way of varying +our fare. I used humbly to ask the peasants not to shout, and I gave +them vodka, bribed them, promised them anything they asked. And what a +lot of other foolish things I did! + +* * * + +At last the rain stopped. The earth dried up. I used to get up in the +morning and go into the garden--dew shining on the flowers, birds and +insects shrilling, not a cloud in the sky, and the garden, the meadow, +the river were so beautiful, perfect but for the memory of the peasants +and the carts and the engineer. Masha and I used to drive out in a car +to see how the oats were coming on. She drove and I sat behind; her +shoulders were always a little hunched, and the wind would play with her +hair. + +"Keep to the right!" she shouted to the passers-by. + +"You are like a coachman!" I once said to her. + +"Perhaps. My grandfather, my father's father, was a coachman. Didn't you +know?" she asked, turning round, and immediately she began to mimic the +way the coachmen shout and sing. + +"Thank God!" I thought, as I listened to her. "Thank God!" + +And again I remember the peasants, the carts, the engineer.... + + +XIII + +Doctor Blagovo came over on a bicycle. My sister began to come often. +Once more we talked of manual labour and progress, and the mysterious +Cross awaiting humanity in the remote future. The doctor did not like +our life, because it interfered with our discussions and he said it was +unworthy of a free man to plough, and reap, and breed cattle, and that +in time all such elementary forms of the struggle for existence would be +left to animals and machines, while men would devote themselves +exclusively to scientific investigation. And my sister always asked me +to let her go home earlier, and if she stayed late, or for the night, +she was greatly distressed. + +"Good gracious, what a baby you are," Masha used to say reproachfully. +"It is quite ridiculous." + +"Yes, it is absurd," my sister would agree. "I admit it is absurd, but +what can I do if I have not the power to control myself. It always seems +to me that I am doing wrong." + +During the haymaking my body, not being used to it, ached all over; +sitting on the terrace in the evening, I would suddenly fall asleep and +they would all laugh at me. They would wake me up and make me sit down +to supper. I would be overcome with drowsiness and in a stupor saw +lights, faces, plates, and heard voices without understanding what they +were saying. And I used to get up early in the morning and take my +scythe, or go to the school and work there all day. + +When I was at home on holidays I noticed that my wife and sister were +hiding something from me and even seemed to be avoiding me. My wife was +tender with me as always, but she had some new thought of her own which +she did not communicate to me. Certainly her exasperation with the +peasants had increased and life was growing harder and harder for her, +but she no longer complained to me. She talked more readily to the +doctor than to me, and I could not understand why. + +It was the custom in our province for the labourers to come to the farm +in the evenings to be treated to vodka, even the girls having a glass. +We did not keep the custom; the haymakers and the women used to come +into the yard and stay until late in the evening, waiting for vodka, and +then they went away cursing. And then Masha used to frown and relapse +into silence or whisper irritably to the doctor: + +"Savages! Barbarians!" + +Newcomers to the villages were received ungraciously, almost with +hostility; like new arrivals at a school. At first we were looked upon +as foolish, soft-headed people who had bought the estate because we did +not know what to do with our money. We were laughed at. The peasants +grazed their cattle in our pasture and even in our garden, drove our +cows and horses into the village and then came and asked for +compensation. The whole village used to come into our yard and declare +loudly that in mowing we had cut the border of common land which did not +belong to us; and as we did not know our boundaries exactly we used to +take their word for it and pay a fine. But afterward it appeared that we +had been in the right. They used to bark the young lime-trees in our +woods. A Dubechnia peasant, a money-lender, who sold vodka without a +licence, bribed our labourers to help him cheat us in the most +treacherous way; he substituted old wheels for the new on our wagons, +stole our ploughing yokes and sold them back to us, and so on. But worst +of all was the building at Kurilovka. There the women at night stole +planks, bricks, tiles, iron; the bailiff and his assistants made a +search; the women were each fined two roubles by the village council, +and then the whole lot of them got drunk on the money. + +When Masha found out, she would say to the doctor and my sister: + +"What beasts! It is horrible! Horrible!" + +And more than once I heard her say she was sorry she had decided to +build the school. + +"You must understand," the doctor tried to point out, "that if you build +a school or undertake any good work, it is not for the peasants, but for +the sake of culture and the future. The worse the peasants are the more +reason there is for building a school. Do understand!" + +There was a loss of confidence in his voice, and it seemed to me that he +hated the peasants as much as Masha. + +Masha used often to go to the mill with my sister and they would say +jokingly that they were going to have a look at Stiepan because he was +so handsome. Stiepan it appeared was reserved and silent only with men, +and in the company of women was free and talkative. Once when I went +down to the river to bathe I involuntarily overheard a conversation. +Masha and Cleopatra, both in white, were sitting on the bank under the +broad shade of a willow and Stiepan was standing near with his hands +behind his back, saying: + +"But are peasants human beings? Not they; they are, excuse me, brutes, +beasts, and thieves. What does a peasant's life consist of? Eating and +drinking, crying for cheaper food, bawling in taverns, without decent +conversation, or behaviour or manners. Just an ignorant beast! He lives +in filth, his wife and children live in filth; he sleeps in his clothes; +takes the potatoes out of the soup with his fingers, drinks down a black +beetle with his _kvass_--because he won't trouble to fish it out!" + +"It is because of their poverty!" protested my sister. + +"What poverty? Of course there is want, but there are different kinds of +necessity. If a man is in prison, or is blind, say, or has lost his +legs, then he is in a bad way and God help him; but if he is at liberty +and in command of his senses, if he has eyes and hands and strength, +then, good God, what more does he want? It is lamentable, my lady, +ignorance, but not poverty. If you kind people, with your education, out +of charity try to help him, then he will spend your money in drink, like +the swine he is, or worse still, he will open a tavern and begin to rob +the people on the strength of your money. You say--poverty. But does a +rich peasant live any better? He lives like a pig, too, excuse me, a +clodhopper, a blusterer, a big-bellied blockhead, with a swollen red +mug--makes me want to hit him in the eye, the blackguard. Look at Larion +of Dubechnia--he is rich, but all the same he barks the trees in your +woods just like the poor; and he is a foul-mouthed brute, and his +children are foul-mouthed, and when he is drunk he falls flat in the mud +and goes to sleep. They are all worthless, my lady. It is just hell to +live with them in the village. The village sticks in my gizzard, and I +thank God, the King of heaven, that I am well fed and clothed, and that +I am a free man; I can live where I like, I don't want to live in the +village and nobody can force me to do it. They say: 'You have a wife.' +They say: 'You are obliged to live at home with your wife.' Why? I have +not sold myself to her." + +"Tell me, Stiepan. Did you marry for love?" asked Masha. + +"What love is there in a village?" Stiepan answered with a smile. "If +you want to know, my lady, it is my second marriage. I do not come from +Kurilovka, but from Zalegosch, and I went to Kurilovka when I married. +My father did not want to divide the land up between us--there are five +of us. So I bowed to it and cut adrift and went to another village to my +wife's family. My first wife died when she was young." + +"What did she die of?" + +"Foolishness. She used to sit and cry. She was always crying for no +reason at all and so she wasted away. She used to drink herbs to make +herself prettier and it must have ruined her inside. And my second wife +at Kurilovka--what about her? A village woman, a peasant; that's all. +When the match was being made I was nicely had; I thought she was young, +nice to look at and clean. Her mother was clean enough, drank coffee +and, chiefly because they were a clean lot, I got married. Next day we +sat down to dinner and I told my mother-in-law to fetch me a spoon. She +brought me a spoon and I saw her wipe it with her finger. So that, +thought I, is their cleanliness! I lived with them for a year and went +away. Perhaps I ought to have married a town girl"--he went on after a +silence. "They say a wife is a helpmate to her husband. What do I want +with a helpmate? I can look after myself. But you talk to me sensibly +and soberly, without giggling all the while. He--he--he! What is life +without a good talk?" + +Stiepan suddenly stopped and relapsed into his dreary, monotonous +"U-lu-lu-lu." That meant that he had noticed me. + +Masha used often to visit the mill, she evidently took pleasure in her +talks with Stiepan; he abused the peasants so sincerely and +convincingly--and this attracted her to him. When she returned from the +mill the idiot who looked after the garden used to shout after her: + +"Paloshka! Hullo, Paloshka!" And he would bark at her like a dog: "Bow, +wow!" + +And she would stop and stare at him as if she found in the idiot's +barking an answer to her thought, and perhaps he attracted her as much +as Stiepan's abuse. And at home she would find some unpleasant news +awaiting her, as that the village geese had ruined the cabbages in the +kitchen-garden, or that Larion had stolen the reins, and she would shrug +her shoulders with a smile and say: + +"What can you expect of such people?" + +She was exasperated and a fury was gathering in her soul, and I, on the +other hand, was getting used to the peasants and more and more attracted +to them. For the most part, they were nervous, irritable, absurd people; +they were people with suppressed imaginations, ignorant, with a bare, +dull outlook, always dazed by the same thought of the grey earth, grey +days, black bread; they were people driven to cunning, but, like birds, +they only hid their heads behind the trees--they could not reason. They +did not come to us for the twenty roubles earned by haymaking, but for +the half-pail of vodka, though they could buy four pails of vodka for +the twenty roubles. Indeed they were dirty, drunken, and dishonest, but +for all that one felt that the peasant life as a whole was sound at the +core. However clumsy and brutal the peasant might look as he followed +his antiquated plough, and however he might fuddle himself with vodka, +still, looking at him more closely, one felt that there was something +vital and important in him, something that was lacking in Masha and the +doctor, for instance, namely, that he believes that the chief thing on +earth is truth, that his and everybody's salvation lies in truth, and +therefore above all else on earth he loves justice. I used to say to my +wife that she was seeing the stain on the window, but not the glass +itself; and she would be silent or, like Stiepan, she would hum, +"U-lu-lu-lu...." When she, good, clever actress that she was, went pale +with fury and then harangued the doctor in a trembling voice about +drunkenness and dishonesty; her blindness confounded and appalled me. +How could she forget that her father, the engineer, drank, drank +heavily, and that the money with which he bought Dubechnia was acquired +by means of a whole series of impudent, dishonest swindles? How could +she forget? + + +XIV + +And my sister, too, was living with her own private thoughts which she +hid from me. She used often to sit whispering with Masha. When I went up +to her, she would shrink away, and her eyes would look guilty and full +of entreaty. Evidently there was something going on in her soul of which +she was afraid or ashamed. To avoid meeting me in the garden or being +left alone with me she clung to Masha and I hardly ever had a chance to +talk to her except at dinner. + +One evening, on my way home from the school, I came quietly through the +garden. It had already begun to grow dark. Without noticing me or +hearing footsteps, my sister walked round an old wide-spreading +apple-tree, perfectly noiselessly like a ghost. She was in black, and +walked very quickly, up and down, up and down, with her eyes on the +ground. An apple fell from the tree, she started at the noise, stopped +and pressed her hands to her temples. At that moment I went up to her. + +In an impulse of tenderness, which suddenly came rushing to my heart, +with tears in my eyes, somehow remembering our mother and our childhood, +I took hold of her shoulders and kissed her. + +"What is the matter?" I asked. "You are suffering. I have seen it for a +long time now. Tell me, what is the matter?" + +"I am afraid...." she murmured, with a shiver. + +"What's the matter with you?" I inquired. "For God's sake, be frank!" + +"I will, I will be frank. I will tell you the whole truth. It is so +hard, so painful to conceal anything from you!... Misail, I am in love." +She went on in a whisper. "Love, love.... I am happy, but I am afraid." + +I heard footsteps and Doctor Blagovo appeared among the trees. He was +wearing a silk shirt and high boots. Clearly they had arranged a +rendezvous by the apple-tree. When she saw him she flung herself +impulsively into his arms with a cry of anguish, as though he was being +taken away from her: + +"Vladimir! Vladimir!" + +She clung to him, and gazed eagerly at him and only then I noticed how +thin and pale she had become. It was especially noticeable through her +lace collar, which I had known for years, for it now hung loosely about +her slim neck. The doctor was taken aback, but controlled himself at +once, and said, as he stroked her hair: + +"That's enough. Enough!... Why are you so nervous? You see, I have +come." + +We were silent for a time, bashfully glancing at each other. Then we all +moved away and I heard the doctor saying to me: + +"Civilised life has not yet begun with us. The old console themselves +with saying that, if there is nothing now, there was something in the +forties and the sixties; that is all right for the old ones, but we are +young and our brains are not yet touched with senile decay. We cannot +console ourselves with such illusions. The beginning of Russia was in +862, and civilised Russia, as I understand it, has not yet begun." + +But I could not bother about what he was saying. It was very strange, +but I could not believe that my sister was in love, that she had just +been walking with her hand on the arm of a stranger and gazing at him +tenderly. My sister, poor, frightened, timid, downtrodden creature as +she was, loved a man who was already married and had children! I was +full of pity without knowing why; the doctor's presence was distasteful +to me and I could not make out what was to come of such a love. + + +XV + +Masha and I drove over to Kurilovka for the opening of the school. + +"Autumn, autumn, autumn...." said Masha, looking about her. Summer had +passed. There were no birds and only the willows were green. + +Yes. Summer had passed. The days were bright and warm, but it was fresh +in the mornings; the shepherds went out in their sheepskins, and the dew +never dried all day on the asters in the garden. There were continual +mournful sounds and it was impossible to tell whether it was a shutter +creaking on its rusty hinges or the cranes flying--and one felt so well +and so full of the desire for life! + +"Summer has passed...." said Masha. "Now we can both make up our +accounts. We have worked hard and thought a great deal and we are the +better for it--all honour and praise to us; we have improved ourselves; +but have our successes had any perceptible influence on the life around +us, have they been of any use to a single person? No! Ignorance, dirt, +drunkenness, a terribly high rate of infant mortality--everything is +just as it was, and no one is any the better for your having ploughed +and sown and my having spent money and read books. Evidently we have +only worked and broadened our minds for ourselves." + +I was abashed by such arguments and did not know what to think. + +"From beginning to end we have been sincere," I said, "and if a man is +sincere, he is right." + +"Who denies that? We have been right but we have been wrong in our way +of setting about it. First of all, are not our very ways of living +wrong? You want to be useful to people, but by the mere fact of buying +an estate you make it impossible to be so. Further, if you work, dress, +and eat like a peasant you lend your authority and approval to the +clumsy clothes, and their dreadful houses and their dirty beards.... On +the other hand, suppose you work for a long, long time, all you life, +and in the end obtain some practical results--what will your results +amount to, what can they do against such elemental forces as wholesale +ignorance, hunger, cold, and degeneracy? A drop in the ocean! Other +methods of fighting are necessary, strong, bold, quick! If you want to +be useful then you must leave the narrow circle of common activity and +try to act directly on the masses! First of all, you need vigorous, +noisy, propaganda. Why are art and music, for instance, so much alive +and so popular and so powerful? Because the musician or the singer +influences thousands directly. Art, wonderful art!" She looked wistfully +at the sky and went on: "Art gives wings and carries you far, far away. +If you are bored with dirt and pettifogging interests, if you are +exasperated and outraged and indignant, rest and satisfaction are only +to be found in beauty." + +As we approached Kurilovka the weather was fine, clear, and joyous. In +the yards the peasants were thrashing and there was a smell of corn and +straw. Behind the wattled hedges the fruit-trees were reddening and all +around the trees were red or golden. In the church-tower the bells were +ringing, the children were carrying ikons to the school and singing the +Litany of the Virgin. And how clear the air was, and how high the doves +soared! + +The Te Deum was sung in the schoolroom. Then the Kurilovka peasants +presented Masha with an ikon, and the Dubechnia peasants gave her a +large cracknel and a gilt salt-cellar. And Masha began to weep. + +"And if we have said anything out of the way or have been discontented, +please forgive us," said an old peasant, bowing to us both. + +As we drove home Masha looked back at the school. The green roof which I +had painted glistened in the sun, and we could see it for a long time. +And I felt that Masha's glances were glances of farewell. + + +XVI + +In the evening she got ready to go to town. + +She had often been to town lately to stay the night. In her absence I +could not work, and felt listless and disheartened; our big yard seemed +dreary, disgusting, and deserted; there were ominous noises in the +garden, and without her the house, the trees, the horses were no longer +"ours." + +I never went out but sat all the time at her writing-table among her +books on farming and agriculture, those deposed favourites, wanted no +more, which looked out at me so shamefacedly from the bookcase. For +hours together, while it struck seven, eight, nine, and the autumn night +crept up as black as soot to the windows, I sat brooding over an old +glove of hers, or the pen she always used, and her little scissors. I +did nothing and saw clearly that everything I had done before, +ploughing, sowing, and felling trees, had only been because she wanted +it. And if she told me to clean out a well, when I had to stand +waist-deep in water, I would go and do it, without trying to find out +whether the well wanted cleaning or not. And now, when she was away, +Dubechnia with its squalor, its litter, its slamming shutters, with +thieves prowling about it day and night, seemed to me like a chaos in +which work was entirely useless. And why should I work, then? Why +trouble and worry about the future, when I felt that the ground was +slipping away from under me, that my position at Dubechnia was hollow, +that, in a word, the same fate awaited me as had befallen the books on +agriculture? Oh! what anguish it was at night, in the lonely hours, when +I lay listening uneasily, as though I expected some one any minute to +call out that it was time for me to go away. I was not sorry to leave +Dubechnia, my sorrow was for my love, for which it seemed that autumn +had already begun. What a tremendous happiness it is to love and to be +loved, and what a horror it is to feel that you are beginning to topple +down from that lofty tower! + +Masha returned from town toward evening on the following day. She was +dissatisfied with something, but concealed it and said only: "Why have +the winter windows been put in? It will be stifling." I opened two of +the windows. We did not feel like eating, but we sat down and had +supper. + +"Go and wash your hands," she said. "You smell of putty." + +She had brought some new illustrated magazines from town and we both +read them after supper. They had supplements with fashion-plates and +patterns. Masha just glanced at them and put them aside to look at them +carefully later on; but one dress, with a wide, bell-shaped skirt and +big sleeves interested her, and for a moment she looked at it seriously +and attentively. + +"That's not bad," she said. + +"Yes, it would suit you very well," said I. "Very well." + +And I admired the dress, only because she liked it, and went on +tenderly: + +"A wonderful, lovely dress! Lovely, wonderful, Masha. My dear Masha!" + +And tears began to drop on the fashion-plate. + +"Wonderful Masha...." I murmured. "Dear, darling Masha...." + +She went and lay down and I sat still for an hour and looked at the +illustrations. + +"You should not have opened the windows," she called from the bedroom. +"I'm afraid it will be cold. Look how the wind is blowing in!" + +I read the miscellany, about the preparation of cheap fish, and the size +of the largest diamond in the world. Then I chanced on the picture of +the dress she had liked and I imagined her at a ball, with a fan, and +bare shoulders, a brilliant, dazzling figure, well up in music and +painting and literature, and how insignificant and brief my share in her +life seemed to be! + +Our coming together, our marriage, was only an episode, one of many in +the life of this lively, highly gifted creature. All the best things in +the world, as I have said, were at her service, and she had them for +nothing; even ideas and fashionable intellectual movements served her +pleasure, a diversion in her existence, and I was only the coachman who +drove her from one infatuation to another. Now I was no longer necessary +to her; she would fly away and I should be left alone. + +As if in answer to my thoughts a desperate scream suddenly came from the +yard: + +"Mur-der!" + +It was a shrill female voice, and exactly as though it were trying to +imitate it, the wind also howled dismally in the chimney. Half a minute +passed and again it came through the sound of the wind, but as though +from the other end of the yard: + +"Mur-der!" + +"Misail, did you hear that?" said my wife in a hushed voice. "Did you +hear?" + +She came out of the bedroom in her nightgown, with her hair down, and +stood listening and staring out of the dark window. + +"Somebody is being murdered!" she muttered. "It only wanted that!" + +I took my gun and went out; it was very dark outside; a violent wind was +blowing so that it was hard to stand up. I walked to the gate and +listened; the trees were moaning; the wind went whistling through them, +and in the garden the idiot's dog was howling. Beyond the gate it was +pitch dark; there was not a light on the railway. And just by the wing, +where the offices used to be, I suddenly heard a choking cry: + +"Mur-der!" + +"Who is there?" I called. + +Two men were locked in a struggle. One had nearly thrown the other, who +was resisting with all his might. And both were breathing heavily. + +"Let go!" said one of them and I recognised Ivan Cheprakov. It was he +who had cried out in a thin, falsetto voice. "Let go, damn you, or I'll +bite your hands!" + +The other man I recognised as Moissey. I parted them and could not +resist hitting Moissey in the face twice. He fell down, then got up, and +I struck him again. + +"He tried to kill me," he muttered. "I caught him creeping to his +mother's drawer.... I tried to shut him up in the wing for safety." + +Cheprakov was drunk and did not recognise me. He stood gasping for +breath as though trying to get enough wind to shriek again. + +I left them and went back to the house. My wife was lying on the bed, +fully dressed. I told her what had happened in the yard and did not keep +back the fact that I had struck Moissey. + +"Living in the country is horrible," she said. "And what a long night it +is!" + +"Mur-der!" we heard again, a little later. + +"I'll go and part them," I said. + +"No. Let them kill each other," she said with an expression of disgust. + +She lay staring at the ceiling, listening, and I sat near her, not +daring to speak and feeling that it was my fault that screams of +"murder" came from the yard and the night was so long. + +We were silent and I waited impatiently for the light to peep in at the +window. And Masha looked as though she had wakened from a long sleep and +was astonished to find herself, so clever, so educated, so refined, cast +away in this miserable provincial hole, among a lot of petty, shallow +people, and to think that she could have so far forgotten herself as to +have been carried away by one of them and to have been his wife for more +than half a year. It seemed to me that we were all the same to +her--myself, Moissey, Cheprakov; all swept together into the drunken, +wild scream of "murder"--myself, our marriage, our work, and the muddy +roads of autumn; and when she breathed or stirred to make herself more +comfortable I could read in her eyes: "Oh, if the morning would come +quicker!" + +In the morning she went away. + +I stayed at Dubechnia for another three days, waiting for her; then I +moved all our things into one room, locked it, and went to town. When I +rang the bell at the engineer's, it was evening, and the lamps were +alight in Great Gentry Street. Pavel told me that nobody was at home; +Victor Ivanich had gone to Petersburg and Maria Victorovna must be at a +rehearsal at the Azhoguins'. I remember the excitement with which I went +to the Azhoguins', and how my heart thumped and sank within me, as I +went up-stairs and stood for a long while on the landing, not daring to +enter that temple of the Muses! In the hall, on the table, on the piano, +on the stage, there were candles burning; all in threes, for the first +performance was fixed for the thirteenth, and the dress rehearsal was on +Monday--the unlucky day. A fight against prejudice! All the lovers of +dramatic art were assembled; the eldest, the middle, and the youngest +Miss Azhoguin were walking about the stage, reading their parts. Radish +was standing still in a corner all by himself, with his head against the +wall, looking at the stage with adoring eyes, waiting for the beginning +of the rehearsal. Everything was just the same! + +I went toward my hostess to greet her, when suddenly everybody began to +say "Ssh" and to wave their hands to tell me not to make such a noise. +There was a silence. The top of the piano was raised, a lady sat down, +screwing up her short-sighted eyes at the music, and Masha stood by the +piano, dressed up, beautiful, but beautiful in an odd new way, not at +all like the Masha who used to come to see me at the mill in the spring. +She began to sing: + + "Why do I love thee, straight night?" + +It was the first time since I had known her that I had heard her sing. +She had a fine, rich, powerful voice, and to hear her sing was like +eating a ripe, sweet-scented melon. She finished the song and was +applauded. She smiled and looked pleased, made play with her eyes, +stared at the music, plucked at her dress exactly like a bird which has +broken out of its cage and preens its wings at liberty. Her hair was +combed back over her ears, and she had a sly defiant expression on her +face, as though she wished to challenge us all, or to shout at us, as +though we were horses: "Gee up, old things!" + +And at that moment she must have looked very like her grandfather, the +coachman. + +"You here, too?" she asked, giving me her hand. "Did you hear me sing? +How did you like it?" And, without waiting for me to answer she went on: +"You arrived very opportunely. I'm going to Petersburg for a short time +to-night. May I?" + +At midnight I took her to the station. She embraced me tenderly, +probably out of gratitude, because I did not pester her with useless +questions, and she promised to write to me, and I held her hands for a +long time and kissed them, finding it hard to keep back my tears, and +not saying a word. + +And when the train moved, I stood looking at the receding lights, kissed +her in my imagination and whispered: + +"Masha dear, wonderful Masha!..." + +I spent the night at Mikhokhov, at Karpovna's, and in the morning I +worked with Radish, upholstering the furniture at a rich merchant's, who +had married his daughter to a doctor. + + +XVII + +On Sunday afternoon my sister came to see me and had tea with me. + +"I read a great deal now," she said, showing me the books she had got +out of the town library on her way. "Thanks to your wife and Vladimir. +They awakened my self-consciousness. They saved me and have made me feel +that I am a human being. I used not to sleep at night for worrying: +'What a lot of sugar has been wasted during the week.' 'The cucumbers +must not be oversalted!' I don't sleep now, but I have quite different +thoughts. I am tormented with the thought that half my life has passed +so foolishly and half-heartedly. I despise my old life. I am ashamed of +it. And I regard my father now as an enemy. Oh, how grateful I am to +your wife! And Vladimir. He is such a wonderful man! They opened my +eyes." + +"It is not good that you can't sleep," I said. + +"You think I am ill? Not a bit. Vladimir sounded me and says I am +perfectly healthy. But health is not the point. That doesn't matter so +much.... Tell me, am I right?" + +She needed moral support. That was obvious. Masha had gone, Doctor +Blagovo was in Petersburg, and there was no one except myself in the +town, who could tell her that she was right. She fixed her eyes on me, +trying to read my inmost thoughts, and if I were sad in her presence, +she always took it upon herself and was depressed. I had to be +continually on my guard, and when she asked me if she was right, I +hastened to assure her that she was right and that I had a profound +respect for her. + +"You know, they have given me a part at the Azhoguins'," she went on. "I +wanted to act. I want to live. I want to drink deep of life; I have no +talent whatever, and my part is only ten lines, but it is immeasurably +finer and nobler than pouring out tea five times a day and watching to +see that the cook does not eat the sugar left over. And most of all I +want to let father see that I too can protest." + +After tea she lay down on my bed and stayed there for some time, with +her eyes closed, and her face very pale. + +"Just weakness!" she said, as she got up. "Vladimir said all town girls +and women are anæmic from lack of work. What a clever man Vladimir is! +He is right; wonderfully right! We do need work!" + +Two days later she came to rehearsal at the Azhoguins' with her part in +her hand. She was in black, with a garnet necklace, and a brooch that +looked at a distance like a pasty, and she had enormous earrings, in +each of which sparkled a diamond. I felt uneasy when I saw her; I was +shocked by her lack of taste. The others noticed too that she was +unsuitably dressed and that her earrings and diamonds were out of place. +I saw their smiles and heard some one say jokingly: + +"Cleopatra of Egypt!" + +She was trying to be fashionable, and easy, and assured, and she seemed +affected and odd. She lost her simplicity and her charm. + +"I just told father that I was going to a rehearsal," she began, coming +up to me, "and he shouted that he would take his blessing from me, and +he nearly struck me. Fancy," she added, glancing at her part, "I don't +know my part. I'm sure to make a mistake. Well, the die is cast," she +said excitedly; "the die is cast." + +She felt that all the people were looking at her and were all amazed at +the important step she had taken and that they were all expecting +something remarkable from her, and it was impossible to convince her +that nobody took any notice of such small uninteresting persons as she +and I. + +She had nothing to do until the third act, and her part, a guest, a +country gossip, consisted only in standing by the door, as if she were +overhearing something, and then speaking a short monologue. For at least +an hour and a half before her cue, while the others were walking, +reading, having tea, quarrelling, she never left me and kept on mumbling +her part, and dropping her written copy, imagining that everybody was +looking at her, and waiting for her to come on, and she patted her hair +with a trembling hand and said: + +"I'm sure to make a mistake.... You don't know how awful I feel! I am as +terrified as if I were going to the scaffold." + +At last her cue came. + +"Cleopatra Alexeyevna--your cue!" said the manager. + +She walked on to the middle of the stage with an expression of terror on +her face; she looked ugly and stiff, and for half a minute was +speechless, perfectly motionless, except for her large earrings which +wabbled on either side of her face. + +"You can read your part, the first time," said some one. + +I could see that she was trembling so that she could neither speak nor +open her part, and that she had entirely forgotten the words and I had +just made up my mind to go up and say something to her when she suddenly +dropped down on her knees in the middle of the stage and sobbed loudly. + +There was a general stir and uproar. And I stood quite still by the +wings, shocked by what had happened, not understanding at all, not +knowing what to do. I saw them lift her up and lead her away. I saw +Aniuta Blagovo come up to me. I had not seen her in the hall before and +she seemed to have sprung up from the floor. She was wearing a hat and +veil, and as usual looked as if she had only dropped in for a minute. + +"I told her not to try to act," she said angrily, biting out each word, +with her cheeks blushing. "It is folly! You ought to have stopped her!" + +Mrs. Azhoguin came up in a short jacket with short sleeves. She had +tobacco ash on her thin, flat bosom. + +"My dear, it is too awful!" she said, wringing her hands, and as usual, +staring into my face. "It is too awful!... Your sister is in a +condition.... She is going to have a baby! You must take her away at +once...." + +In her agitation she breathed heavily. And behind her, stood her three +daughters, all thin and flat-chested like herself, and all huddled +together in their dismay. They were frightened, overwhelmed just as if a +convict had been caught in the house. What a shame! How awful! And this +was the family that had been fighting the prejudices and superstitions +of mankind all their lives; evidently they thought that all the +prejudices and superstitions of mankind were to be found in burning +three candles and in the number thirteen, or the unlucky day--Monday. + +"I must request ... request ..." Mrs. Azhoguin kept on saying, +compressing her lips and accentuating the _quest_. "I must request you +to take her away." + + +XVIII + +A little later my sister and I were walking along the street. I covered +her with the skirt of my overcoat; we hurried along through by-streets, +where there were no lamps, avoiding the passers-by, and it was like a +flight. She did not weep any more, but stared at me with dry eyes. It +was about twenty minutes' walk to Mikhokhov, whither I was taking her, +and in that short time we went over the whole of our lives, and talked +over everything, and considered the position and pondered.... + +We decided that we could not stay in the town, and that when I could get +some money, we would go to some other place. In some of the houses the +people were asleep already, and in others they were playing cards; we +hated those houses, were afraid of them, and we talked of the +fanaticism, callousness, and nullity of these respectable families, +these lovers of dramatic art whom we had frightened so much, and I +wondered how those stupid, cruel, slothful, dishonest people were better +than the drunken and superstitious peasants of Kurilovka, or how they +were better than animals, which also lose their heads when some accident +breaks the monotony of their lives, which are limited by their +instincts. What would happen to my sister if she stayed at home? What +moral torture would she have to undergo, talking to my father and +meeting acquaintances every day? I imagined it all and there came into +my memory people I had known who had been gradually dropped by their +friends and relations, and I remember the tortured dogs which had gone +mad, and sparrows plucked alive and thrown into the water--and a whole +long series of dull, protracted sufferings which I had seen going on in +the town since my childhood; and I could not conceive what the sixty +thousand inhabitants lived for, why they read the Bible, why they +prayed, why they skimmed books and magazines. What good was all that had +been written and said, if they were in the same spiritual darkness and +had the same hatred of freedom, as if they were living hundreds and +hundreds of years ago? The builder spends his time putting up houses all +over the town, and yet would go down to his grave saying "galdary" for +"gallery." And the sixty thousand inhabitants had read and heard of +truth and mercy and freedom for generations, but to the bitter end they +would go on lying from morning to night, tormenting one another, fearing +and hating freedom as a deadly enemy. + +"And so, my fate is decided," said my sister when we reached home. +"After what has happened I can never go _there_ again. My God, how good +it is! I feel at peace." + +She lay down at once. Tears shone on her eyelashes, but her expression +was happy. She slept soundly and softly, and it was clear that her heart +was easy and that she was at rest. For a long, long time she had not +slept so well. + +So we began to live together. She was always singing and said she felt +very well, and I took back the books we had borrowed from the library +unread, because she gave up reading; she only wanted to dream and to +talk of the future. She would hum as she mended my clothes or helped +Karpovna with the cooking, or talk of her Vladimir, of his mind, and his +goodness, and his fine manners, and his extraordinary learning. And I +agreed with her, though I no longer liked the doctor. She wanted to +work, to be independent, and to live by herself, and she said she would +become a school-teacher or a nurse as soon as her health allowed, and +she would scrub the floors and do her own washing. She loved her unborn +baby passionately, and she knew already the colour of his eyes and the +shape of his hands and how he laughed. She liked to talk of his +upbringing, and since the best man on earth was Vladimir, all her ideas +were reduced to making the boy as charming as his father. There was no +end to her chatter, and everything she talked about filled her with a +lively joy. Sometimes I, too, rejoiced, though I knew not why. + +She must have infected me with her dreaminess, for I, too, read nothing +and just dreamed. In the evenings, in spite of being tired, I used to +pace up and down the room with my hands in my pockets, talking about +Masha. + +"When do you think she will return?" I used to ask my sister. "I think +she'll be back at Christmas. Not later. What is she doing there?" + +"If she doesn't write to you, it means she must be coming soon." + +"True," I would agree, though I knew very well that there was nothing to +make Masha return to our town. + +I missed her very much, but I could not help deceiving myself and wanted +others to deceive me. My sister was longing for her doctor, I for Masha, +and we both laughed and talked and never saw that we were keeping +Karpovna from sleeping. She would lie on the stove and murmur: + +"The samovar tinkled this morning. Tink-led! That bodes nobody any good, +my merry friends!" + +Nobody came to the house except the postman who brought my sister +letters from the doctor, and Prokofyi, who used to come in sometimes in +the evening and glance secretly at my sister, and then go into the +kitchen and say: + +"Every class has its ways, and if you're too proud to understand that, +the worse for you in this vale of tears." + +He loved the expression--vale of tears. And--about Christmas time--when +I was going through the market, he called me into his shop, and without +giving me his hand, declared that he had some important business to +discuss. He was red in the face with the frost and with vodka; near him +by the counter stood Nicolka of the murderous face, holding a bloody +knife in his hand. + +"I want to be blunt with you," began Prokofyi. "This business must not +happen because, as you know, people will neither forgive you nor us for +such a vale of tears. Mother, of course, is too dutiful to say anything +unpleasant to you herself, and tell you that your sister must go +somewhere else because of her condition, but I don't want it either, +because I do not approve of her behaviour." + +I understood and left the shop. That very day my sister and I went to +Radish's. We had no money for a cab, so we went on foot; I carried a +bundle with all our belongings on my back, my sister had nothing in her +hands, and she was breathless and kept coughing and asking if we would +soon be there. + + +XIX + +At last there came a letter from Masha. + +"My dear, kind M. A.," she wrote, "my brave, sweet angel, as the old +painter calls you, good-bye. I am going to America with my father for +the exhibition. In a few days I shall be on the ocean--so far from +Dubechnia. It is awful to think of! It is vast and open like the sky and +I long for it and freedom. I rejoice and dance about and you see how +incoherent my letter is. My dear Misail, give me my freedom. Quick, tear +the thread which still holds and binds us. My meeting and knowing you +was a ray from heaven, which brightened my existence. But, you know, my +becoming your wife was a mistake, and the knowledge of the mistake +weighs me down, and I implore you on my knees, my dear, generous friend, +quick--quick--before I go over the sea--wire that you will agree to +correct our mutual mistake, remove then the only burden on my wings, and +my father, who will be responsible for the whole business, has promised +me not to overwhelm you with formalities. So, then, I am free of the +whole world? Yes? + +"Be happy. God bless you. Forgive my wickedness. + +"I am alive and well. I am squandering money on all sorts of follies, +and every minute I thank God that such a wicked woman as I am has no +children. I am singing and I am a success, but it is not a passing whim. +No. It is my haven, my convent cell where I go for rest. King David had +a ring with an inscription: 'Everything passes.' When one is sad, these +words make one cheerful; and when one is cheerful, they make one sad. +And I have got a ring with the words written in Hebrew, and this +talisman will keep me from losing my heart and head. Or does one need +nothing but consciousness of freedom, because, when one is free, one +wants nothing, nothing, nothing. Snap the thread then. I embrace you and +your sister warmly. Forgive and forget your M." + +My sister had one room. Radish, who had been ill and was recovering, was +in the other. Just as I received this letter, my sister went into the +painter's room and sat by his side and began to read to him. She read +Ostrovsky or Gogol to him every day, and he used to listen, staring +straight in front of him, never laughing, shaking his head, and every +now and then muttering to himself: + +"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!" + +If there was anything ugly in what she read, he would say vehemently, +pointing to the book: + +"There it is! Lies! That's what lies do!" + +Stories used to attract him by their contents as well as by their moral +and their skilfully complicated plot, and he used to marvel at _him_, +though he never called _him_ by his name. + +"How well _he_ has managed it." + +Now my sister read a page quickly and then stopped, because her breath +failed her. Radish held her hand, and moving his dry lips he said in a +hoarse, hardly audible voice: + +"The soul of the righteous is white and smooth as chalk; and the soul of +the sinner is as a pumice-stone. The soul of the righteous is clear oil, +and the soul of the sinner is coal-tar. We must work and sorrow and +pity," he went on. "And if a man does not work and sorrow he will not +enter the kingdom of heaven. Woe, woe to the well fed, woe to the +strong, woe to the rich, woe to the usurers! They will not see the +kingdom of heaven. Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron...." + +"And lies devour the soul," said my sister, laughing. + +I read the letter once more. At that moment the soldier came into the +kitchen who had brought in twice a week, without saying from whom, tea, +French bread, and pigeons, all smelling of scent. I had no work and used +to sit at home for days together, and probably the person who sent us +the bread knew that we were in want. + +I heard my sister talking to the soldier and laughing merrily. Then she +lay down and ate some bread and said to me: + +"When you wanted to get away from the office and become a house-painter, +Aniuta Blagovo and I knew from the very beginning that you were right, +but we were afraid to say so. Tell me what power is it that keeps us +from saying what we feel? There's Aniuta Blagovo. She loves you, adores +you, and she knows that you are right. She loves me, too, like a sister, +and she knows that I am right, and in her heart she envies me, but some +power prevents her coming to see us. She avoids us. She is afraid." + +My sister folded her hands across her bosom and said rapturously: + +"If you only knew how she loves you! She confessed it to me and to no +one else, very hesitatingly, in the dark. She used to take me out into +the garden, into the dark, and begin to tell me in a whisper how dear +you were to her. You will see that she will never marry because she +loves you. Are you sorry for her?" + +"Yes." + +"It was she sent the bread. She is funny. Why should she hide herself? I +used to be silly and stupid, but I left all that and I am not afraid of +any one, and I think and say aloud what I like--and I am happy. When I +lived at home I had no notion of happiness, and now I would not change +places with a queen." + +Doctor Blagovo came. He had got his diploma and was now living in the +town, at his father's, taking a rest. After which he said he would go +back to Petersburg. He wanted to devote himself to vaccination against +typhus, and, I believe, cholera; he wanted to go abroad to increase his +knowledge and then to become a University professor. He had already left +the army and wore serge clothes, with well-cut coats, wide trousers, and +expensive ties. My sister was enraptured with his pins and studs and his +red-silk handkerchief, which, out of swagger, he wore in his outside +breast-pocket. Once, when we had nothing to do, she and I fell to +counting up his suits and came to the conclusion that he must have at +least ten. It was clear that he still loved my sister, but never once, +even in joke, did he talk of taking her to Petersburg or abroad with +him, and I could not imagine what would happen to her if she lived, or +what was to become of her child. But she was happy in her dreams and +would not think seriously of the future. She said he could go wherever +he liked and even cast her aside, if only he were happy himself, and +what had been was enough for her. + +Usually when he came to see us he would sound her very carefully, and +ask her to drink some milk with some medicine in it. He did so now. He +sounded her and made her drink a glass of milk, and the room began to +smell of creosote. + +"That's a good girl," he said, taking the glass from her. "You must not +talk much, and you have been chattering like a magpie lately. Please, be +quiet." + +She began to laugh and he came into Radish's room, where I was sitting, +and tapped me affectionately on the shoulder. + +"Well, old man, how are you?" he asked, bending over the patient. + +"Sir," said Radish, only just moving his lips. "Sir, I make so bold.... +We are all in the hands of God, and we must all die.... Let me tell you +the truth, sir.... You will never enter the kingdom of heaven." + +And suddenly I lost consciousness and was caught up into a dream: it was +winter, at night, and I was standing in the yard of the slaughter-house +with Prokofyi by my side, smelling of pepper-brandy; I pulled myself +together and rubbed my eyes and then I seemed to be going to the +governor's for an explanation. Nothing of the kind ever happened to me, +before or after, and I can only explain these strange dreams like +memories, by ascribing them to overstrain of the nerves. I lived again +through the scene in the slaughter-house and the conversation with the +governor, and at the same time I was conscious of its unreality. + +When I came to myself I saw that I was not at home, but standing with +the doctor by a lamp in the street. + +"It is sad, sad," he was saying with tears running down his cheeks. "She +is happy and always laughing and full of hope. But, poor darling, her +condition is hopeless. Old Radish hates me and keeps trying to make me +understand that I have wronged her. In his way he is right, but I have +my point of view, too, and I do not repent of what has happened. It is +necessary to love. We must all love. That's true, isn't it? Without love +there would be no life, and a man who avoids and fears love is not +free." + +We gradually passed to other subjects. He began to speak of science and +his dissertation which had been very well received in Petersburg. He +spoke enthusiastically and thought no more of my sister, or of his +going, or of myself. Life was carrying him away. She has America and a +ring with an inscription, I thought, and he has his medical degree and +his scientific career, and my sister and I are left with the past. + +When we parted I stood beneath the lamp and read my letter again. And I +remembered vividly how she came to me at the mill that spring morning +and lay down and covered herself with my fur coat--pretending to be just +a peasant woman. And another time--also in the early morning--when we +pulled the bow-net out of the water, and the willows on the bank +showered great drops of water on us and we laughed.... + +All was dark in our house in Great Gentry Street. I climbed the fence, +and, as I used to do in old days, I went into the kitchen by the back +door to get a little lamp. There was nobody in the kitchen. On the stove +the samovar was singing merrily, all ready for my father. "Who pours out +my father's tea now?" I thought. I took the lamp and went on to the shed +and made a bed of old newspapers and lay down. The nails in the wall +looked ominous as before and their shadows flickered. It was cold. I +thought I saw my sister coming in with my supper, but I remembered at +once that she was ill at Radish's, and it seemed strange to me that I +should have climbed the fence and be lying in the cold shed. My mind was +blurred and filled with fantastic imaginations. + +A bell rang; sounds familiar from childhood; first the wire rustled +along the wall, and then there was a short, melancholy tinkle in the +kitchen. It was my father returning from the club. I got up and went +into the kitchen. Akhsinya, the cook, clapped her hands when she saw me +and began to cry: + +"Oh, my dear," she said in a whisper. "Oh, my dear! My God!" + +And in her agitation she began to pluck at her apron. On the window-sill +were two large bottles of berries soaking in vodka. I poured out a cup +and gulped it down, for I was very thirsty. Akhsinya had just scrubbed +the table and the chairs, and the kitchen had the good smell which +kitchens always have when the cook is clean and tidy. This smell and the +trilling of the cricket used to entice us into the kitchen when we were +children, and there we used to be told fairy-tales, and we played at +kings and queens.... + +"And where is Cleopatra?" asked Akhsinya hurriedly, breathlessly. "And +where is your hat, sir? And they say your wife has gone to Petersburg." + +She had been with us in my mother's time and used to bathe Cleopatra and +me in a tub, and we were still children to her, and it was her duty to +correct us. In a quarter of an hour or so she laid bare all her +thoughts, which she had been storing up in her quiet kitchen all the +time I had been away. She said the doctor ought to be made to marry +Cleopatra--we would only have to frighten him a bit and make him send in +a nicely written application, and then the archbishop would dissolve his +first marriage, and it would be a good thing to sell Dubechnia without +saying anything to my wife, and to bank the money in my own name; and if +my sister and I went on our knees to our father and asked him nicely, +then perhaps he would forgive us; and we ought to pray to the Holy +Mother to intercede for us.... + +"Now, sir, go and talk to him," she said, when we heard my father's +cough. "Go, speak to him, and beg his pardon. He won't bite your head +off." + +I went in. My father was sitting at his desk working on the plan of a +bungalow with Gothic windows and a stumpy tower like the lookout of a +fire-station--an immensely stiff and inartistic design. As I entered the +study I stood so that I could not help seeing the plan. I did not know +why I had come to my father, but I remember that when I saw his thin +face, red neck, and his shadow on the wall, I wanted to throw my arms +round him and, as Akhsinya had bid me, to beg his pardon humbly; but the +sight of the bungalow with the Gothic windows and the stumpy tower +stopped me. + +"Good evening," I said. + +He glanced at me and at once cast his eyes down on his plan. + +"What do you want?" he asked after a while. + +"I came to tell you that my sister is very ill. She is dying," I said +dully. + +"Well?" My father sighed, took off his spectacles and laid them on the +table. "As you have sown, so you must reap. I want you to remember how +you came to me two years ago, and on this very spot I asked you to give +up your delusions, and I reminded you of your honour, your duty, your +obligations to your ancestors, whose traditions must be kept sacred. Did +you listen to me? You spurned my advice and clung to your wicked +opinions; furthermore, you dragged your sister into your abominable +delusions and brought about her downfall and her shame. Now you are both +suffering for it. As you have sown, so you must reap." + +He paced up and down the study as he spoke. Probably he thought that I +had come to him to admit that I was wrong, and probably he was waiting +for me to ask his help for my sister and myself. I was cold, but I shook +as though I were in a fever, and I spoke with difficulty in a hoarse +voice. + +"And I must ask you to remember," I said, "that on this very spot I +implored you to try to understand me, to reflect, and to think what we +were living for and to what end, and your answer was to talk about my +ancestors and my grandfather who wrote verses. Now you are told that +your only daughter is in a hopeless condition and you talk of ancestors +and traditions!... And you can maintain such frivolity when death is +near and you have only five or ten years left to live!" + +"Why did you come here?" asked my father sternly, evidently affronted at +my reproaching him with frivolity. + +"I don't know. I love you. I am more sorry than I can say that we are so +far apart. That is why I came. I still love you, but my sister has +finally broken with you. She does not forgive you and will never forgive +you. Your very name fills her with hatred of her past life." + +"And who is to blame?" cried my father. "You, you scoundrel!" + +"Yes. Say that I am to blame," I said. "I admit that I am to blame for +many things, but why is your life, which you have tried to force on us, +so tedious and frigid, and ungracious, why are there no people in any of +the houses you have built during the last thirty years from whom I could +learn how to live and how to avoid such suffering? These houses of yours +are infernal dungeons in which mothers and daughters are persecuted, +children are tortured.... My poor mother! My unhappy sister! One needs +to drug oneself with vodka, cards, scandal; cringe, play the hypocrite, +and go on year after year designing rotten houses, not to see the horror +that lurks in them. Our town has been in existence for hundreds of +years, and during the whole of that time it has not given the country +one useful man--not one! You have strangled in embryo everything that +was alive and joyous! A town of shopkeepers, publicans, clerks, and +hypocrites, an aimless, futile town, and not a soul would be the worse +if it were suddenly razed to the ground." + +"I don't want to hear you, you scoundrel," said my father, taking a +ruler from his desk. "You are drunk! You dare come into your father's +presence in such a state! I tell you for the last time, and you can tell +this to your strumpet of a sister, that you will get nothing from me. I +have torn my disobedient children out of my heart, and if they suffer +through their disobedience and obstinacy I have no pity for them. You +may go back where you came from! God has been pleased to punish me +through you. I will humbly bear my punishment and, like Job, I find +consolation in suffering and unceasing toil. You shall not cross my +threshold until you have mended your ways. I am a just man, and +everything I say is practical good sense, and if you had any regard for +yourself, you would remember what I have said, and what I am saying +now." + +I threw up my hands and went out; I do not remember what happened that +night or next day. + +They say that I went staggering through the street without a hat, +singing aloud, with crowds of little boys shouting after me: + +"Little Profit! Little Profit!" + + +XX + +If I wanted to order a ring, I would have it inscribed: "Nothing +passes." I believe that nothing passes without leaving some trace, and +that every little step has some meaning for the present and the future +life. + +What I lived through was not in vain. My great misfortunes, my patience, +moved the hearts of the people of the town and they no longer call me +"Little Profit," they no longer laugh at me and throw water over me as I +walk through the market. They got used to my being a working man and see +nothing strange in my carrying paint-pots and glazing windows; on the +contrary, they give me orders, and I am considered a good workman and +the best contractor, after Radish, who, though he recovered and still +paints the cupolas of the church without scaffolding, is not strong +enough to manage the men, and I have taken his place and go about the +town touting for orders, and take on and sack the men, and lend money at +exorbitant interest. And now that I am a contractor I can understand how +it is possible to spend several days hunting through the town for +slaters to carry out a trifling order. People are polite to me, and +address me respectfully and give me tea in the houses where I work, and +send the servant to ask me if I would like dinner. Children and girls +often come and watch me with curious, sad eyes. + +Once I was working in the governor's garden, painting the summer-house +marble. The governor came into the summer-house, and having nothing +better to do, began to talk to me, and I reminded him how he had once +sent for me to caution me. For a moment he stared at my face, opened his +mouth like a round O, waved his hands, and said: + +"I don't remember." + +I am growing old, taciturn, crotchety, strict; I seldom laugh, and +people say I am growing like Radish, and, like him, I bore the men with +my aimless moralising. + +Maria Victorovna, my late wife, lives abroad, and her father is making a +railway somewhere in the Eastern provinces and buying land there. Doctor +Blagovo is also abroad. Dubechnia has passed to Mrs. Cheprakov, who +bought it from the engineer after haggling him into a twenty-per-cent +reduction in the price. Moissey walks about in a bowler hat; he often +drives into town in a trap and stops outside the bank. People say he has +already bought an estate on a mortgage, and is always inquiring at the +bank about Dubechnia, which he also intends to buy. Poor Ivan Cheprakov +used to hang about the town, doing nothing and drinking. I tried to give +him a job in our business, and for a time he worked with us painting +roofs and glazing, and he rather took to it, and, like a regular +house-painter, he stole the oil, and asked for tips, and got drunk. But +it soon bored him. He got tired of it and went back to Dubechnia, and +some time later I was told by the peasants that he had been inciting +them to kill Moissey one night and rob Mrs. Cheprakov. + +My father has got very old and bent, and just takes a little walk in the +evening near his house. + +When we had the cholera, Prokofyi cured the shopkeepers with +pepper-brandy and tar and took money for it, and as I read in the +newspaper, he was flogged for libelling the doctors as he sat in his +shop. His boy Nicolka died of cholera. Karpovna is still alive, and +still loves and fears her Prokofyi. Whenever she sees me she sadly +shakes her head and says with a sigh: + +"Poor thing. You are lost!" + +On week-days I am busy from early morning till late at night. And on +Sundays and holidays I take my little niece (my sister expected a boy, +but a girl was born) and go with her to the cemetery, where I stand or +sit and look at the grave of my dear one, and tell the child that her +mother is lying there. + +Sometimes I find Aniuta Blagovo by the grave. We greet each other and +stand silently, or we talk of Cleopatra, and the child, and the sadness +of this life. Then we leave the cemetery and walk in silence and she +lags behind--on purpose, to avoid staying with me. The little girl, +joyful, happy, with her eyes half-closed against the brilliant sunlight, +laughs and holds out her little hands to her, and we stop and together +we fondle the darling child. + +And when we reach the town, Aniuta Blagovo, blushing and agitated, says +good-bye, and walks on alone, serious and circumspect.... And, to look +at her, none of the passers-by could imagine that she had just been +walking by my side and even fondling the child. + + +BOOKS BY ANTON TCHEKOFF + +PUBLISHED BY CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE +and Other Stories. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +RUSSIAN SILHOUETTES. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +STORIES OF RUSSIAN LIFE. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +PLAYS. FIRST SERIES: "Uncle Vanya," +"Ivanoff," "The Sea Gull," "The Swan +Song." 12mo $1.50 _net_ + +PLAYS. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The House with the Mezzanine and Other Stories + +Author: Anton Tchekoff + +Translator: S.S. Koteliansky + Gilbert Cannan + +Release Date: December 4, 2008 [EBook #27411] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was +produced from scanned images of public domain material +from the Google Print project.) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<h1>THE HOUSE<br /> +WITH THE MEZZANINE</h1> + +<p class="c">AND OTHER STORIES</p> + +<p class="c">BY</p> + +<h2>ANTON TCHEKOFF</h2> + +<p class="c smcap">translated from the russian by</p> + +<p class="c">S. S. KOTELIANSKY<br /> +<span class="smcap">and</span><br /> +GILBERT CANNAN</p> + +<p class="c top15">NEW YORK<br /> +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS<br /> +1917</p> + +<p class="c"><span class="smcap">Copyright, 1917, by</span><br /> +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS</p> + +<p class="c">Published August, 1917</p> + +<hr class="top15"/> + +<h3>CONTENTS</h3> + +<ul> +<li><a href="#THE_HOUSE_WITH_THE_MEZZANINE"><b>The House With The Mezzanine</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#TYPHUS"><b>Typhus</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#GOOSEBERRIES"><b>Gooseberries</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#IN_EXILE"><b>In Exile</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#THE_LADY_WITH_THE_TOY_DOG"><b>The Lady With The Toy Dog</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#GOUSSIEV"><b>Goussiev</b></a></li> +<li><a href="#MY_LIFE"><b>My Life</b></a></li> +</ul> +<hr /> + +<h3><a name="THE_HOUSE_WITH_THE_MEZZANINE" id="THE_HOUSE_WITH_THE_MEZZANINE"></a>THE HOUSE WITH THE<br />MEZZANINE</h3> + +<p class="c">(A PAINTER'S STORY)</p> + + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">I</span>T happened nigh on seven years ago, when I was living in one of the +districts of the J. province, on the estate of Bielokurov, a landowner, +a young man who used to get up early, dress himself in a long overcoat, +drink beer in the evenings, and all the while complain to me that he +could nowhere find any one in sympathy with his ideas. He lived in a +little house in the orchard, and I lived in the old manor-house, in a +huge pillared hall where there was no furniture except a large divan, on +which I slept, and a table at which I used to play patience. Even in +calm weather there was always a moaning in the chimney, and in a storm +the whole house would rock and seem as though it must split, and it was +quite terrifying, especially at night, when all the ten great windows +were suddenly lit up by a flash of lightning.</p> + +<p>Doomed by fate to permanent idleness, I did positively nothing. For +hours together I would sit and look through the windows at the sky, the +birds, the trees and read my letters over and over again, and then for +hours together I would sleep. Sometimes I would go out and wander +aimlessly until evening.</p> + +<p>Once on my way home I came unexpectedly on a strange farmhouse. The sun +was already setting, and the lengthening shadows were thrown over the +ripening corn. Two rows of closely planted tall fir-trees stood like two +thick walls, forming a sombre, magnificent avenue. I climbed the fence +and walked up the avenue, slipping on the fir needles which lay two +inches thick on the ground. It was still, dark, and only here and there +in the tops of the trees shimmered a bright gold light casting the +colours of the rainbow on a spider's web. The smell of the firs was +almost suffocating. Then I turned into an avenue of limes. And here too +were desolation and decay; the dead leaves rustled mournfully beneath my +feet, and there were lurking shadows among the trees. To the right, in +an old orchard, a goldhammer sang a faint reluctant song, and he too +must have been old. The lime-trees soon came to an end and I came to a +white house with a terrace and a mezzanine, and suddenly a vista opened +upon a farmyard with a pond and a bathing-shed, and a row of green +willows, with a village beyond, and above it stood a tall, slender +belfry, on which glowed a cross catching the light of the setting sun. +For a moment I was possessed with a sense of enchantment, intimate, +particular, as though I had seen the scene before in my childhood.</p> + +<p>By the white-stone gate surmounted with stone lions, which led from the +yard into the field, stood two girls. One of them, the elder, thin, +pale, very handsome, with masses of chestnut hair and a little stubborn +mouth, looked rather prim and scarcely glanced at me; the other, who was +quite young—seventeen or eighteen, no more, also thin and pale, with a +big mouth and big eyes, looked at me in surprise, as I passed, said +something in English and looked confused, and it seemed to me that I had +always known their dear faces. And I returned home feeling as though I +had awoke from a pleasant dream.</p> + +<p>Soon after that, one afternoon, when Bielokurov and I were walking near +the house, suddenly there came into the yard a spring-carriage in which +sat one of the two girls, the elder. She had come to ask for +subscriptions to a fund for those who had suffered in a recent fire. +Without looking at us, she told us very seriously how many houses had +been burned down in Sianov, how many men, women, and children had been +left without shelter, and what had been done by the committee of which +she was a member. She gave us the list for us to write our names, put it +away, and began to say good-bye.</p> + +<p>"You have completely forgotten us, Piotr Petrovich," she said to +Bielokurov, as she gave him her hand. "Come and see us, and if Mr. N. +(she said my name) would like to see how the admirers of his talent live +and would care to come and see us, then mother and I would be very +pleased."</p> + +<p>I bowed.</p> + +<p>When she had gone Piotr Petrovich began to tell me about her. The girl, +he said, was of a good family and her name was Lydia Volchaninov, and +the estate, on which she lived with her mother and sister, was called, +like the village on the other side of the pond, Sholkovka. Her father +had once occupied an eminent position in Moscow and died a privy +councillor. Notwithstanding their large means, the Volchaninovs always +lived in the village, summer and winter, and Lydia was a teacher in the +Zemstvo School at Sholkovka and earned twenty-five roubles a month. She +only spent what she earned on herself and was proud of her independence.</p> + +<p>"They are an interesting family," said Bielokurov. "We ought to go and +see them. They will be very glad to see you."</p> + +<p>One afternoon, during a holiday, we remembered the Volchaninovs and went +over to Sholkovka. They were all at home. The mother, Ekaterina +Pavlovna, had obviously once been handsome, but now she was stouter than +her age warranted, suffered from asthma, was melancholy and +absent-minded as she tried to entertain me with talk about painting. +When she heard from her daughter that I might perhaps come over to +Sholkovka, she hurriedly called to mind a few of my landscapes which she +had seen in exhibitions in Moscow, and now she asked what I had tried to +express in them. Lydia, or as she was called at home, Lyda, talked more +to Bielokurov than to me. Seriously and without a smile, she asked him +why he did not work for the Zemstvo and why up till now he had never +been to a Zemstvo meeting.</p> + +<p>"It is not right of you, Piotr Petrovich," she said reproachfully. "It +is not right. It is a shame."</p> + +<p>"True, Lyda, true," said her mother. "It is not right."</p> + +<p>"All our district is in Balaguin's hands," Lyda went on, turning to me. +"He is the chairman of the council and all the jobs in the district are +given to his nephews and brothers-in-law, and he does exactly as he +likes. We ought to fight him. The young people ought to form a strong +party; but you see what our young men are like. It is a shame, Piotr +Petrovich."</p> + +<p>The younger sister, Genya, was silent during the conversation about the +Zemstvo. She did not take part in serious conversations, for by the +family she was not considered grown-up, and they gave her her baby-name, +Missyuss, because as a child she used to call her English governess +that. All the time she examined me curiously and when I looked at the +photograph-album she explained: "This is my uncle.... That is my +godfather," and fingered the portraits, and at the same time touched me +with her shoulder in a childlike way, and I could see her small, +undeveloped bosom, her thin shoulders, her long, slim waist tightly +drawn in by a belt.</p> + +<p>We played croquet and lawn-tennis, walked in the garden, had tea, and +then a large supper. After the huge pillared hall, I felt out of tune in +the small cosy house, where there were no oleographs on the walls and +the servants were treated considerately, and everything seemed to me +young and pure, through the presence of Lyda and Missyuss, and +everything was decent and orderly. At supper Lyda again talked to +Bielokurov about the Zemstvo, about Balaguin, about school libraries. +She was a lively, sincere, serious girl, and it was interesting to +listen to her, though she spoke at length and in a loud voice—perhaps +because she was used to holding forth at school. On the other hand, +Piotr Petrovich, who from his university days had retained the habit of +reducing any conversation to a discussion, spoke tediously, slowly, and +deliberately, with an obvious desire to be taken for a clever and +progressive man. He gesticulated and upset the sauce with his sleeve and +it made a large pool on the table-cloth, though nobody but myself seemed +to notice it.</p> + +<p>When we returned home the night was dark and still.</p> + +<p>"I call it good breeding," said Bielokurov, with a sigh, "not so much +not to upset the sauce on the table, as not to notice it when some one +else has done it. Yes. An admirable intellectual family. I'm rather out +of touch with nice people. Ah! terribly. And all through business, +business, business!"</p> + +<p>He went on to say what hard work being a good farmer meant. And I +thought: What a stupid, lazy lout! When we talked seriously he would +drag it out with his awful drawl—er, er, er—and he works just as he +talks—slowly, always behindhand, never up to time; and as for his being +businesslike, I don't believe it, for he often keeps letters given him +to post for weeks in his pocket.</p> + +<p>"The worst of it is," he murmured as he walked along by my side, "the +worst of it is that you go working away and never get any sympathy from +anybody."</p> + + +<p class="rome">II</p> + +<p>I began to frequent the Volchaninovs' house. Usually I sat on the bottom +step of the veranda. I was filled with dissatisfaction, vague discontent +with my life, which had passed so quickly and uninterestingly, and I +thought all the while how good it would be to tear out of my breast my +heart which had grown so weary. There would be talk going on on the +terrace, the rustling of dresses, the fluttering of the pages of a book. +I soon got used to Lyda receiving the sick all day long, and +distributing books, and I used often to go with her to the village, +bareheaded, under an umbrella. And in the evening she would hold forth +about the Zemstvo and schools. She was very handsome, subtle, correct, +and her lips were thin and sensitive, and whenever a serious +conversation started she would say to me drily:</p> + +<p>"This won't interest you."</p> + +<p>I was not sympathetic to her. She did not like me because I was a +landscape-painter, and in my pictures did not paint the suffering of the +masses, and I seemed to her indifferent to what she believed in. I +remember once driving along the shore of the Baikal and I met a Bouryat +girl, in shirt and trousers of Chinese cotton, on horseback: I asked her +if she would sell me her pipe and, while we were talking, she looked +with scorn at my European face and hat, and in a moment she got bored +with talking to me, whooped and galloped away. And in exactly the same +way Lyda despised me as a stranger. Outwardly she never showed her +dislike of me, but I felt it, and, as I sat on the bottom step of the +terrace, I had a certain irritation and said that treating the peasants +without being a doctor meant deceiving them, and that it is easy to be a +benefactor when one owns four thousand acres.</p> + +<p>Her sister, Missyuss, had no such cares and spent her time in complete +idleness, like myself. As soon as she got up in the morning she would +take a book and read it on the terrace, sitting far back in a lounge +chair so that her feet hardly touched the ground, or she would hide +herself with her book in the lime-walk, or she would go through the gate +into the field. She would read all day long, eagerly poring over the +book, and only through her looking fatigued, dizzy, and pale sometimes, +was it possible to guess how much her reading exhausted her. When she +saw me come she would blush a little and leave her book, and, looking +into my face with her big eyes, she would tell me of things that had +happened, how the chimney in the servants' room had caught fire, or how +the labourer had caught a large fish in the pond. On week-days she +usually wore a bright-coloured blouse and a dark-blue skirt. We used to +go out together and pluck cherries for jam, in the boat, and when she +jumped to reach a cherry, or pulled the oars, her thin, round arms would +shine through her wide sleeves. Or I would make a sketch and she would +stand and watch me breathlessly.</p> + +<p>One Sunday, at the end of June, I went over to the Volchaninovs in the +morning about nine o'clock. I walked through the park, avoiding the +house, looking for mushrooms, which were very plentiful that summer, and +marking them so as to pick them later with Genya. A warm wind was +blowing. I met Genya and her mother, both in bright Sunday dresses, +going home from church, and Genya was holding her hat against the wind. +They told me they were going to have tea on the terrace.</p> + +<p>As a man without a care in the world, seeking somehow to justify his +constant idleness, I have always found such festive mornings in a +country house universally attractive. When the green garden, still moist +with dew, shines in the sun and seems happy, and when the terrace smells +of mignonette and oleander, and the young people have just returned from +church and drink tea in the garden, and when they are all so gaily +dressed and so merry, and when you know that all these healthy, +satisfied, beautiful people will do nothing all day long, then you long +for all life to be like that. So I thought then as I walked through the +garden, quite prepared to drift like that without occupation or purpose, +all through the day, all through the summer.</p> + +<p>Genya carried a basket and she looked as though she knew that she would +find me there. We gathered mushrooms and talked, and whenever she asked +me a question she stood in front of me to see my face.</p> + +<p>"Yesterday," she said, "a miracle happened in our village. Pelagueya, +the cripple, has been ill for a whole year, and no doctors or medicines +were any good, but yesterday an old woman muttered over her and she got +better."</p> + +<p>"That's nothing," I said. "One should not go to sick people and old +women for miracles. Is not health a miracle? And life itself? A miracle +is something incomprehensible."</p> + +<p>"And you are not afraid of the incomprehensible?"</p> + +<p>"No. I like to face things I do not understand and I do not submit to +them. I am superior to them. Man must think himself higher than lions, +tigers, stars, higher than anything in nature, even higher than that +which seems incomprehensible and miraculous. Otherwise he is not a man, +but a mouse which is afraid of everything."</p> + +<p>Genya thought that I, as an artist, knew a great deal and could guess +what I did not know. She wanted me to lead her into the region of the +eternal and the beautiful, into the highest world, with which, as she +thought, I was perfectly familiar, and she talked to me of God, of +eternal life, of the miraculous. And I, who did not admit that I and my +imagination would perish for ever, would reply: "Yes. Men are immortal. +Yes, eternal life awaits us." And she would listen and believe me and +never asked for proof.</p> + +<p>As we approached the house she suddenly stopped and said:</p> + +<p>"Our Lyda is a remarkable person, isn't she? I love her dearly and would +gladly sacrifice my life for her at any time. But tell me"—Genya +touched my sleeve with her finger—"but tell me, why do you argue with +her all the time? Why are you so irritated?"</p> + +<p>"Because she is not right."</p> + +<p>Genya shook her head and tears came to her eyes.</p> + +<p>"How incomprehensible!" she muttered.</p> + +<p>At that moment Lyda came out, and she stood by the balcony with a +riding-whip in her hand, and looked very fine and pretty in the sunlight +as she gave some orders to a farm-hand. Bustling about and talking +loudly, she tended two or three of her patients, and then with a +businesslike, preoccupied look she walked through the house, opening one +cupboard after another, and at last went off to the attic; it took some +time to find her for dinner and she did not come until we had finished +the soup. Somehow I remember all these, little details and love to dwell +on them, and I remember the whole of that day vividly, though nothing +particular happened. After dinner Genya read, lying in her lounge chair, +and I sat on the bottom step of the terrace. We were silent. The sky was +overcast and a thin fine rain began to fall. It was hot, the wind had +dropped, and it seemed the day would never end. Ekaterina Pavlovna came +out on to the terrace with a fan, looking very sleepy.</p> + +<p>"O, mamma," said Genya, kissing her hand. "It is not good for you to +sleep during the day."</p> + +<p>They adored each other. When one went into the garden, the other would +stand on the terrace and look at the trees and call: "Hello!" "Genya!" +or "Mamma, dear, where are you?" They always prayed together and shared +the same faith, and they understood each other very well, even when they +were silent. And they treated other people in exactly the same way. +Ekaterina Pavlovna also soon got used to me and became attached to me, +and when I did not turn up for a few days she would send to inquire if I +was well. And she too used to look admiringly at my sketches, and with +the same frank loquacity she would tell me things that happened, and she +would confide her domestic secrets to me.</p> + +<p>She revered her elder daughter. Lyda never came to her for caresses, and +only talked about serious things: she went her own way and to her mother +and sister she was as sacred and enigmatic as the admiral, sitting in +his cabin, to his sailors.</p> + +<p>"Our Lyda is a remarkable person," her mother would often say; "isn't +she?"</p> + +<p>And, now, as the soft rain fell, we spoke of Lyda:</p> + +<p>"She is a remarkable woman," said her mother, and added in a low voice +like a conspirator's as she looked round, "such as she have to be looked +for with a lamp in broad daylight, though you know, I am beginning to be +anxious. The school, pharmacies, books—all very well, but why go to +such extremes? She is twenty-three and it is time for her to think +seriously about herself. If she goes on with her books and her +pharmacies she won't know how life has passed.... She ought to marry."</p> + +<p>Genya, pale with reading, and with her hair ruffled, looked up and said, +as if to herself, as she glanced at her mother:</p> + +<p>"Mamma, dear, everything depends on the will of God."</p> + +<p>And once more she plunged into her book.</p> + +<p>Bielokurov came over in a <i>poddiovka</i>, wearing an embroidered shirt. We +played croquet and lawn-tennis, and when it grew dark we had a long +supper, and Lyda once more spoke of her schools and Balaguin, who had +got the whole district into his own hands. As I left the Volchaninovs +that night I carried away an impression of a long, long idle day, with a +sad consciousness that everything ends, however long it may be. Genya +took me to the gate, and perhaps, because she had spent the whole day +with me from the beginning to end, I felt somehow lonely without her, +and the whole kindly family was dear to me: and for the first time +during the whole of that summer I had a desire to work.</p> + +<p>"Tell me why you lead such a monotonous life," I asked Bielokurov, as we +went home. "My life is tedious, dull, monotonous, because I am a +painter, a queer fish, and have been worried all my life with envy, +discontent, disbelief in my work: I am always poor, I am a vagabond, but +you are a wealthy, normal man, a landowner, a gentleman—why do you live +so tamely and take so little from life? Why, for instance, haven't you +fallen in love with Lyda or Genya?"</p> + +<p>"You forget that I love another woman," answered Bielokurov.</p> + +<p>He meant his mistress, Lyabor Ivanovna, who lived with him in the +orchard house. I used to see the lady every day, very stout, podgy, +pompous, like a fatted goose, walking in the garden in a Russian +head-dress, always with a sunshade, and the servants used to call her to +meals or tea. Three years ago she rented a part of his house for the +summer, and stayed on to live with Bielokurov, apparently for ever. She +was ten years older than he and managed him very strictly, so that he +had to ask her permission to go out. She would often sob and make +horrible noises like a man with a cold, and then I used to send and tell +her that I'm if she did not stop I would go away. Then she would stop.</p> + +<p>When we reached home, Bielokurov sat down on the divan and frowned and +brooded, and I began to pace up and down the hall, feeling a sweet +stirring in me, exactly like the stirring of love. I wanted to talk +about the Volchaninovs.</p> + +<p>"Lyda could only fall in love with a Zemstvo worker like herself, some +one who is run off his legs with hospitals and schools," I said. "For +the sake of a girl like that a man might not only become a Zemstvo +worker, but might even become worn out, like the tale of the iron boots. +And Missyuss? How charming Missyuss is!"</p> + +<p>Bielokurov began to talk at length and with his drawling er-er-ers of +the disease of the century—pessimism. He spoke confidently and +argumentatively. Hundreds of miles of deserted, monotonous, blackened +steppe could not so forcibly depress the mind as a man like that, +sitting and talking and showing no signs of going away.</p> + +<p>"The point is neither pessimism nor optimism," I said irritably, "but +that ninety-nine out of a hundred have no sense."</p> + +<p>Bielokurov took this to mean himself, was offended, and went away.</p> + + +<p class="rome">III</p> + +<p>"The Prince is on a visit to Malozyomov and sends you his regards," said +Lyda to her mother, as she came in and took off her gloves. "He told me +many interesting things. He promised to bring forward in the Zemstvo +Council the question of a medical station at Malozyomov, but he says +there is little hope." And turning to me, she said: "Forgive me, I keep +forgetting that you are not interested."</p> + +<p>I felt irritated.</p> + +<p>"Why not?" I asked and shrugged my shoulders. "You don't care about my +opinion, but I assure you, the question greatly interests me."</p> + +<p>"Yes?"</p> + +<p>"In my opinion there is absolutely no need for a medical station at +Malozyomov."</p> + +<p>My irritation affected her: she gave a glance at me, half closed her +eyes and said:</p> + +<p>"What is wanted then? Landscapes?"</p> + +<p>"Not landscapes either. Nothing is wanted there."</p> + +<p>She finished taking off her gloves and took up a newspaper which had +just come by post; a moment later, she said quietly, apparently +controlling herself:</p> + +<p>"Last week Anna died in childbirth, and if a medical man had been +available she would have lived. However, I suppose landscape-painters +are entitled to their opinions."</p> + +<p>"I have a very definite opinion, I assure you," said I, and she took +refuge behind the newspaper, as though she did not wish to listen. "In +my opinion medical stations, schools, libraries, pharmacies, under +existing conditions, only lead to slavery. The masses are caught in a +vast chain: you do not cut it but only add new links to it. That is my +opinion."</p> + +<p>She looked at me and smiled mockingly, and I went on, striving to catch +the thread of my ideas.</p> + +<p>"It does not matter that Anna should die in childbirth, but it does +matter that all these Annas, Mavras, Pelagueyas, from dawn to sunset +should be grinding away, ill from overwork, all their lives worried +about their starving sickly children; all their lives they are afraid of +death and disease, and have to be looking after themselves; they fade in +youth, grow old very early, and die in filth and dirt; their children as +they grow up go the same way and hundreds of years slip by and millions +of people live worse than animals—in constant dread of never having a +crust to eat; but the horror of their position is that they have no time +to think of their souls, no time to remember that they are made in the +likeness of God; hunger, cold, animal fear, incessant work, like drifts +of snow block all the ways to spiritual activity, to the very thing that +distinguishes man from the animals, and is the only thing indeed that +makes life worth living. You come to their assistance with hospitals and +schools, but you do not free them from their fetters; on the contrary, +you enslave them even more, since by introducing new prejudices into +their lives, you increase the number of their demands, not to mention +the fact that they have to pay the Zemstvo for their drugs and +pamphlets, and therefore, have to work harder than ever."</p> + +<p>"I will not argue with you," said Lyda. "I have heard all that." She put +down her paper. "I will only tell you one thing, it is no good sitting +with folded hands. It is true, we do not save mankind, and perhaps we do +make mistakes, but we do what we can and we are right. The highest and +most sacred truth for an educated being—is to help his neighbours, and +we do what we can to help. You do not like it, but it is impossible to +please everybody."</p> + +<p>"True, Lyda, true," said her mother.</p> + +<p>In Lyda's presence her courage always failed her, and as she talked she +would look timidly at her, for she was afraid of saying something +foolish or out of place: and she never contradicted, but would always +agree: "True, Lyda, true."</p> + +<p>"Teaching peasants to read and write, giving them little moral pamphlets +and medical assistance, cannot decrease either ignorance or mortality, +just as the light from your windows cannot illuminate this huge garden," +I said. "You give nothing by your interference in the lives of these +people. You only create new demands, and a new compulsion to work."</p> + +<p>"Ah! My God, but we must do something!" said Lyda exasperatedly, and I +could tell by her voice that she thought my opinions negligible and +despised me.</p> + +<p>"It is necessary," I said, "to free people from hard physical work. It +is necessary to relieve them of their yoke, to give them breathing +space, to save them from spending their whole lives in the kitchen or +the byre, in the fields; they should have time to take thought of their +souls, of God and to develop their spiritual capacities. Every human +being's salvation lies in spiritual activity—in his continual search +for truth and the meaning of life. Give them some relief from rough, +animal labour, let them feel free, then you will see how ridiculous at +bottom your pamphlets and pharmacies are. Once a human being is aware of +his vocation, then he can only be satisfied with religion, service, art, +and not with trifles like that."</p> + +<p>"Free them from work?" Lyda gave a smile. "Is that possible?"</p> + +<p>"Yes.... Take upon yourself a part of their work. If we all, in town and +country, without exception, agreed to share the work which is being +spent by mankind in the satisfaction of physical demands, then none of +us would have to work more than two or three hours a day. If all of us, +rich and poor, worked three hours a day the rest of our time would be +free. And then to be still less dependent on our bodies, we should +invent machines to do the work and we should try to reduce our demands +to the minimum. We should toughen ourselves and our children should not +be afraid of hunger and cold, and we should not be anxious about their +health, as Anna, Maria, Pelagueya were anxious. Then supposing we did +not bother about doctors and pharmacies, and did away with tobacco +factories and distilleries—what a lot of free time we should have! We +should give our leisure to service and the arts. Just as peasants all +work together to repair the roads, so the whole community would work +together to seek truth and the meaning of life, and, I am sure of +it—truth would be found very soon, man would get rid of his continual, +poignant, depressing fear of death and even of death itself."</p> + +<p>"But you contradict yourself," said Lyda. "You talk about service and +deny education."</p> + +<p>"I deny the education of a man who can only use it to read the signs on +the public houses and possibly a pamphlet which he is incapable of +understanding—the kind of education we have had from the time of +Riurik: and village life has remained exactly as it was then. Not +education is wanted but freedom for the full development of spiritual +capacities. Not schools are wanted but universities."</p> + +<p>"You deny medicine too."</p> + +<p>"Yes. It should only be used for the investigation of diseases, as +natural phenomenon, not for their cure. It is no good curing diseases if +you don't cure their causes. Remove the chief cause—physical labour, +and there will be no diseases. I don't acknowledge the science which +cures," I went on excitedly. "Science and art, when they are true, are +directed not to temporary or private purposes, but to the eternal and +the general—they seek the truth and the meaning of life, they seek God, +the soul, and when they are harnessed to passing needs and activities, +like pharmacies and libraries, then they only complicate and encumber +life. We have any number of doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, and highly +educated people, but we have no biologists, mathematicians, +philosophers, poets. All our intellectual and spiritual energy is wasted +on temporary passing needs.... Scientists, writers, painters work and +work, and thanks to them the comforts of life grow greater every day, +the demands of the body multiply, but we are still a long way from the +truth and man still remains the most rapacious and unseemly of animals, +and everything tends to make the majority of mankind degenerate and more +and more lacking in vitality. Under such conditions the life of an +artist has no meaning and the more talented he is, the more strange and +incomprehensible his position is, since it only amounts to his working +for the amusement of the predatory, disgusting animal, man, and +supporting the existing state of things. And I don't want to work and +will not.... Nothing is wanted, so let the world go to hell."</p> + +<p>"Missyuss, go away," said Lyda to her sister, evidently thinking my +words dangerous to so young a girl.</p> + +<p>Genya looked sadly at her sister and mother and went out.</p> + +<p>"People generally talk like that," said Lyda, "when they want to excuse +their indifference. It is easier to deny hospitals and schools than to +come and teach."</p> + +<p>"True, Lyda, true," her mother agreed.</p> + +<p>"You say you will not work," Lyda went on. "Apparently you set a high +price on your work, but do stop arguing. We shall never agree, since I +value the most imperfect library or pharmacy, of which you spoke so +scornfully just now, more than all the landscapes in the world." And at +once she turned to her mother and began to talk in quite a different +tone: "The Prince has got very thin, and is much changed since the last +time he was here. The doctors are sending him to Vichy."</p> + +<p>She talked to her mother about the Prince to avoid talking to me. Her +face was burning, and, in order to conceal her agitation, she bent over +the table as if she were short-sighted and made a show of reading the +newspaper. My presence was distasteful to her. I took my leave and went +home.</p> + + +<p class="rome">IV</p> + +<p>All was quiet outside: the village on the other side of the pond was +already asleep, not a single light was to be seen, and on the pond there +was only the faint reflection of the stars. By the gate with the stone +lions stood Genya, waiting to accompany me.</p> + +<p>"The village is asleep," I said, trying to see her face in the +darkness, and I could see her dark sad eyes fixed on me. "The innkeeper +and the horse-stealers are sleeping quietly, and decent people like +ourselves quarrel and irritate each other."</p> + +<p>It was a melancholy August night—melancholy because it already smelled +of the autumn: the moon rose behind a purple cloud and hardly lighted +the road and the dark fields of winter corn on either side. Stars fell +frequently, Genya walked beside me on the road and tried not to look at +the sky, to avoid seeing the falling stars, which somehow frightened +her.</p> + +<p>"I believe you are right," she said, trembling in the evening chill. "If +people could give themselves to spiritual activity, they would soon +burst everything."</p> + +<p>"Certainly. We are superior beings, and if we really knew all the power +of the human genius and lived only for higher purposes then we should +become like gods. But this will never be. Mankind will degenerate and of +their genius not a trace will be left."</p> + +<p>When the gate was out of sight Genya stopped and hurriedly shook my +hand.</p> + +<p>"Good night," she said, trembling; her shoulders were covered only with +a thin blouse and she was shivering with cold. "Come to-morrow."</p> + +<p>I was filled with a sudden dread of being left alone with my inevitable +dissatisfaction with myself and people, and I, too, tried not to see the +falling stars.</p> + +<p>"Stay with me a little longer," I said. "Please."</p> + +<p>I loved Genya, and she must have loved me, because she used to meet me +and walk with me, and because she looked at me with tender admiration. +How thrillingly beautiful her pale face was, her thin nose, her arms, +her slenderness, her idleness, her constant reading. And her mind? I +suspected her of having an unusual intellect: I was fascinated by the +breadth of her views, perhaps because she thought differently from the +strong, handsome Lyda, who did not love me. Genya liked me as a painter, +I had conquered her heart by my talent, and I longed passionately to +paint only for her, and I dreamed of her as my little queen, who would +one day possess with me the trees, the fields, the river, the dawn, all +Nature, wonderful and fascinating, with whom, as with them, I have felt +helpless and useless.</p> + +<p>"Stay with me a moment longer," I called. "I implore you."</p> + +<p>I took off my overcoat and covered her childish shoulders. Fearing that +she would look queer and ugly in a man's coat, she began to laugh and +threw it off, and as she did so, I embraced her and began to cover her +face, her shoulders, her arms with kisses.</p> + +<p>"Till to-morrow," she whispered timidly as though she was afraid to +break the stillness of the night. She embraced me: "We have no secrets +from one another. I must tell mamma and my sister.... Is it so terrible? +Mamma will be pleased. Mamma loves you, but Lyda!"</p> + +<p>She ran to the gates.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye," she called out.</p> + +<p>For a couple of minutes I stood and heard her running. I had no desire +to go home, there was nothing there to go for. I stood for a while lost +in thought, and then quietly dragged myself back, to have one more look +at the house in which she lived, the dear, simple, old house, which +seemed to look at me with the windows of the mezzanine for eyes, and to +understand everything. I walked past the terrace, sat down on a bench by +the lawn-tennis court, in the darkness under an old elm-tree, and looked +at the house. In the windows of the mezzanine, where Missyuss had her +room, shone a bright light, and then a faint green glow. The lamp had +been covered with a shade. Shadows began to move.... I was filled with +tenderness and a calm satisfaction, to think that I could let myself be +carried away and fall in love, and at the same time I felt uneasy at the +thought that only a few yards away in one of the rooms of the house lay +Lyda who did not love me, and perhaps hated me. I sat and waited to see +if Genya would come out. I listened attentively and it seemed to me they +were sitting in the mezzanine.</p> + +<p>An hour passed. The green light went out, and the shadows were no longer +visible. The moon hung high above the house and lit the sleeping garden +and the avenues: I could distinctly see the dahlias and roses in the +flower-bed in front of the house, and all seemed to be of one colour. It +was very cold. I left the garden, picked up my overcoat in the road, +and walked slowly home.</p> + +<p>Next day after dinner when I went to the Volchaninovs', the glass door +was wide open. I sat down on the terrace expecting Genya to come from +behind the flower-bed or from one of the avenues, or to hear her voice +come from out of the rooms; then I went into the drawing-room and the +dining-room. There was not a soul to be seen. From the dining-room I +went down a long passage into the hall, and then back again. There were +several doors in the passage and behind one of them I could hear Lyda's +voice:</p> + +<p>"To the crow somewhere ... God ..."—she spoke slowly and distinctly, +and was probably dictating—" ... God sent a piece of cheese.... To the +crow ... somewhere.... Who is there?" she called out suddenly as she +heard my footsteps.</p> + +<p>"It is I."</p> + +<p>"Oh! excuse me. I can't come out just now. I am teaching Masha."</p> + +<p>"Is Ekaterina Pavlovna in the garden?"</p> + +<p>"No. She and my sister left to-day for my Aunt's in Penga, and in the +winter they are probably going abroad." She added after a short silence: +"To the crow somewhere God sent a pi-ece of cheese. Have you got that?"</p> + +<p>I went out into the hall, and, without a thought in my head, stood and +looked out at the pond and the village, and still I heard:</p> + +<p>"A piece of cheese.... To the crow somewhere God sent a piece of +cheese."</p> + +<p>And I left the house by the way I had come the first time, only +reversing the order, from the yard into the garden, past the house, then +along the lime-walk. Here a boy overtook me and handed me a note: "I +have told my sister everything and she insists on my parting from you," +I read. "I could not hurt her by disobeying. God will give you +happiness. If you knew how bitterly mamma and I have cried."</p> + +<p>Then through the fir avenue and the rotten fence....Over the fields +where the corn was ripening and the quails screamed, cows and shackled +horses now were browsing. Here and there on the hills the winter corn +was already showing green. A sober, workaday mood possessed me and I was +ashamed of all I had said at the Volchaninovs', and once more it became +tedious to go on living. I went home, packed my things, and left that +evening for Petersburg.</p> + + +<p class="sp">I never saw the Volchaninovs again. Lately on my way to the Crimea I met +Bielokurov at a station. As of old he was in a <i>poddiovka</i>, wearing an +embroidered shirt, and when I asked after his health, he replied: "Quite +well, thanks be to God." He began to talk. He had sold his estate and +bought another, smaller one in the name of Lyabov Ivanovna. He told me a +little about the Volchaninovs. Lyda, he said, still lived at Sholkovka +and taught the children in the school; little by little she succeeded +in gathering round herself a circle of sympathetic people, who formed a +strong party, and at the last Zemstvo election they drove out Balaguin, +who up till then had had the whole district in his hands. Of Genya +Bielokurov said that she did not live at home and he did not know where +she was.</p> + +<p>I have already begun to forget about the house with the mezzanine, and +only now and then, when I am working or reading, suddenly—without rhyme +or reason—I remember the green light in the window, and the sound of my +own footsteps as I walked through the fields that night, when I was in +love, rubbing my hands to keep them warm. And even more rarely, when I +am sad and lonely, I begin already to recollect and it seems to me that +I, too, am being remembered and waited for, and that we shall meet....</p> + +<p>Missyuss, where are you?</p> + + + +<h3><a name="TYPHUS" id="TYPHUS"></a>TYPHUS</h3> + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">I</span>N a smoking-compartment of the mail-train from Petrograd to Moscow sat +a young lieutenant, Klimov by name. Opposite him sat an elderly man with +a clean-shaven, shipmaster's face, to all appearances a well-to-do Finn +or Swede, who all through the journey smoked a pipe and talked round and +round the same subject.</p> + +<p>"Ha! you are an officer! My brother is also an officer, but he is a +sailor. He is a sailor and is stationed at Kronstadt. Why are you going +to Moscow?"</p> + +<p>"I am stationed there."</p> + +<p>"Ha! Are you married?"</p> + +<p>"No. I live with my aunt and sister."</p> + +<p>"My brother is also an officer, but he is married and has a wife and +three children. Ha!"</p> + +<p>The Finn looked surprised at something, smiled broadly and fatuously as +he exclaimed, "Ha," and every now and then blew through the stem of his +pipe. Klimov, who was feeling rather unwell, and not at all inclined to +answer questions, hated him with all his heart. He thought how good it +would be to snatch his gurgling pipe out of his hands and throw it under +the seat and to order the Finn himself into another car.</p> + +<p>"They are awful people, these Finns and ... Greeks," he thought. +"Useless, good-for-nothing, disgusting people. They only cumber the +earth. What is the good of them?"</p> + +<p>And the thought of Finns and Greeks filled him with a kind of nausea. He +tried to compare them with the French and the Italians, but the idea of +those races somehow roused in him the notion of organ-grinders, naked +women, and the foreign oleographs which hung over the chest of drawers +in his aunt's house.</p> + +<p>The young officer felt generally out of sorts. There seemed to be no +room for his arms and legs, though he had the whole seat to himself; his +mouth was dry and sticky, his head was heavy and his clouded thoughts +seemed to wander at random, not only in his head, but also outside it +among the seats and the people looming in the darkness. Through the +turmoil in his brain, as through a dream, he heard the murmur of voices, +the rattle of the wheels, the slamming of doors. Bells, whistles, +conductors, the tramp of the people on the platforms came oftener than +usual. The time slipped by quickly, imperceptibly, and it seemed that +the train stopped every minute at a station as now and then there would +come up the sound of metallic voices:</p> + +<p>"Is the post ready?"</p> + +<p>"Ready."</p> + +<p>It seemed to him that the stove-neater came in too often to look at the +thermometer, and that trains never stopped passing and his own train was +always roaring over bridges. The noise, the whistle, the Finn, the +tobacco smoke—all mixed with the ominous shifting of misty shapes, +weighed on Klimov like an intolerable nightmare. In terrible anguish he +lifted up his aching head, looked at the lamp whose light was encircled +with shadows and misty spots; he wanted to ask for water, but his dry +tongue would hardly move, and he had hardly strength enough to answer +the Finn's questions. He tried to lie down more comfortably and sleep, +but he could not succeed; the Finn fell asleep several times, woke up +and lighted his pipe, talked to him with his "Ha!" and went to sleep +again; and the lieutenant could still not find room for his legs on the +seat, and all the while the ominous figures shifted before his eyes.</p> + +<p>At Spirov he got out to have a drink of water. He saw some people +sitting at a table eating hurriedly.</p> + +<p>"How can they eat?" he thought, trying to avoid the smell of roast meat +in the air and seeing the chewing mouths, for both seemed to him utterly +disgusting and made him feel sick.</p> + +<p>A handsome lady was talking to a military man in a red cap, and she +showed magnificent white teeth when she smiled; her smile, her teeth, +the lady herself produced in Klimov the same impression of disgust as +the ham and the fried cutlets. He could not understand how the military +man in the red cap could bear to sit near her and look at her healthy +smiling face.</p> + +<p>After he had drunk some water, he went back to his place. The Finn sat +and smoked. His pipe gurgled and sucked like a galoche full of holes in +dirty weather.</p> + +<p>"Ha!" he said with some surprise. "What station is this?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said Klimov, lying down and shutting his mouth to keep +out the acrid tobacco smoke.</p> + +<p>"When do we get to Tver."</p> + +<p>"I don't know. I am sorry, I ... I can't talk. I am not well. I have a +cold."</p> + +<p>The Finn knocked out his pipe against the window-frame and began to talk +of his brother, the sailor. Klimov paid no more attention to him and +thought in agony of his soft, comfortable bed, of the bottle of cold +water, of his sister Katy, who knew so well how to tuck him up and +cosset him. He even smiled when there flashed across his mind his +soldier-servant Pavel, taking off his heavy, close-fitting boots and +putting water on the table. It seemed to him that he would only have to +lie on his bed and drink some water and his nightmare would give way to +a sound, healthy sleep.</p> + +<p>"Is the post ready?" came a dull voice from a distance.</p> + +<p>"Ready," answered a loud, bass voice almost by the very window.</p> + +<p>It was the second or third station from Spirov.</p> + +<p>Time passed quickly, seemed to gallop along, and there would be no end +to the bells, whistles, and stops. In despair Klimov pressed his face +into the corner of the cushion, held his head in his hands, and again +began to think of his sister Katy and his orderly Pavel; but his sister +and his orderly got mixed up with the looming figures and whirled about +and disappeared. His breath, thrown back from the cushion, burned his +face, and his legs ached and a draught from the window poured into his +back, but, painful though it was, he refused to change his position.... +A heavy, drugging torpor crept over him and chained his limbs.</p> + +<p>When at length he raised his head, the car was quite light. The +passengers were putting on their overcoats and moving about. The train +stopped. Porters in white aprons and number-plates bustled about the +passengers and seized their boxes. Klimov put on his greatcoat +mechanically and left the train, and he felt as though it were not +himself walking, but some one else, a stranger, and he felt that he was +accompanied by the heat of the train, his thirst, and the ominous, +lowering figures which all night long had prevented his sleeping. +Mechanically he got his luggage and took a cab. The cabman charged him +one rouble and twenty-five copecks for driving him to Povarska Street, +but he did not haggle and submissively took his seat in the sledge. He +could still grasp the difference in numbers, but money had no value to +him whatever.</p> + +<p>At home Klimov was met by his aunt and his sister Katy, a girl of +eighteen. Katy had a copy-book and a pencil in her hands as she greeted +him, and he remembered that she was preparing for a teacher's +examination. He took no notice of their greetings and questions, but +gasped from the heat, and walked aimlessly through the rooms until he +reached his own, and then he fell prone on the bed. The Finn, the red +cap, the lady with the white teeth, the smell of roast meat, the +shifting spot in the lamp, filled his mind and he lost consciousness and +did not hear the frightened voices near him.</p> + +<p>When he came to himself he found himself in bed, undressed, and noticed +the water-bottle and Pavel, but it did not make him any more comfortable +nor easy. His legs and arms, as before, felt cramped, his tongue clove +to his palate, and he could hear the chuckle of the Finn's pipe.... By +the bed, growing out of Pavel's broad back, a stout, black-bearded +doctor was bustling.</p> + +<p>"All right, all right, my lad," he murmured. "Excellent, excellent.... +Jist so, jist so...."</p> + +<p>The doctor called Klimov "my lad." Instead of "just so," he said "jist +saow," and instead of "yes," "yies."</p> + +<p>"Yies, yies, yies," he said. "Jist saow, jist saow.... Don't be +downhearted!"</p> + +<p>The doctor's quick, careless way of speaking, his well-fed face, and the +condescending tone in which he said "my lad" exasperated Klimov.</p> + +<p>"Why do you call me 'my lad'?" he moaned. "Why this familiarity, damn it +all?"</p> + +<p>And he was frightened by the sound of his own voice. It was so dry, +weak, and hollow that he could hardly recognise it.</p> + +<p>"Excellent, excellent," murmured the doctor, not at all offended. "Yies, +yies. You mustn't be cross."</p> + +<p>And at home the time galloped away as alarmingly quickly as in the +train.... The light of day in his bedroom was every now and then changed +to the dim light of evening.... The doctor never seemed to leave the +bedside, and his "Yies, yies, yies," could be heard at every moment. +Through the room stretched an endless row of faces; Pavel, the Finn, +Captain Taroshevich, Sergeant Maximenko, the red cap, the lady with the +white teeth, the doctor. All of them talked, waved their hands, smoked, +ate. Once in broad daylight Klimov saw his regimental priest, Father +Alexander, in his stole and with the host in his hands, standing by the +bedside and muttering something with such a serious expression as Klimov +had never seen him wear before. The lieutenant remembered that Father +Alexander used to call all the Catholic officers Poles, and wishing to +make the priest laugh, he exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Father Taroshevich, the Poles have fled to the woods."</p> + +<p>But Father Alexander, usually a gay, light-hearted man, did not laugh +and looked even more serious, and made the sign of the cross over +Klimov. At night, one after the other, there would come slowly creeping +in and out two shadows. They were his aunt and his sister. The shadow of +his sister would kneel down and pray; she would bow to the ikon, and her +grey shadow on the wall would bow, too, so that two shadows prayed to +God. And all the time there was a smell of roast meat and of the Finn's +pipe, but once Klimov could detect a distinct smell of incense. He +nearly vomited and cried:</p> + +<p>"Incense! Take it away."</p> + +<p>There was no reply. He could only hear priests chanting in an undertone +and some one running on the stairs.</p> + +<p>When Klimov recovered from his delirium there was not a soul in the +bedroom. The morning sun flared through the window and the drawn +curtains, and a trembling beam, thin and keen as a sword, played on the +water-bottle. He could hear the rattle of wheels—that meant there was +no more snow in the streets. The lieutenant looked at the sunbeam, at +the familiar furniture and the door, and his first inclination was to +laugh. His chest and stomach trembled with a sweet, happy, tickling +laughter. From head to foot his whole body was filled with a feeling of +infinite happiness, like that which the first man must have felt when he +stood erect and beheld the world for the first time. Klimov had a +passionate longing for people, movement, talk. His body lay motionless; +he could only move his hands, but he hardly noticed it, for his whole +attention was fixed on little things. He was delighted with his +breathing and with his laughter; he was delighted with the existence of +the water-bottle, the ceiling, the sunbeam, the ribbon on the curtain. +God's world, even in such a narrow corner as his bedroom, seemed to him +beautiful, varied, great. When the doctor appeared the lieutenant +thought how nice his medicine was, how nice and sympathetic the doctor +was, how nice and interesting people were, on the whole.</p> + +<p>"Yies, yies, yies," said the doctor. "Excellent, excellent. Now we are +well again. Jist saow. Jist saow."</p> + +<p>The lieutenant listened and laughed gleefully. He remembered the Finn, +the lady with the white teeth, the train, and he wanted to eat and +smoke.</p> + +<p>"Doctor," he said, "tell them to bring me a slice of rye bread and salt, +and some sardines...."</p> + +<p>The doctor refused. Pavel did not obey his order and refused to go for +bread. The lieutenant could not bear it and began to cry like a thwarted +child.</p> + +<p>"Ba-by," the doctor laughed. "Mamma! Hush-aby!"</p> + +<p>Klimov also began to laugh, and when the doctor had gone, he fell sound +asleep. He woke up with the same feeling of joy and happiness. His aunt +was sitting by his bed.</p> + +<p>"Oh, aunty!" He was very happy. "What has been the matter with me?"</p> + +<p>"Typhus."</p> + +<p>"I say! And now I am well, quite well! Where is Katy?"</p> + +<p>"She is not at home. She has probably gone to see some one after her +examination."</p> + +<p>The old woman bent over her stocking as she said this; her lips began to +tremble; she turned her face away and suddenly began to sob. In her +grief, she forgot the doctor's orders and cried:</p> + +<p>"Oh! Katy! Katy! Our angel is gone from us! She is gone!"</p> + +<p>She dropped her stocking and stooped down for it, and her cap fell off +her head. Klimov stared at her grey hair, could not understand, was +alarmed for Katy, and asked:</p> + +<p>"But where is she, aunty?"</p> + +<p>The old woman, who had already forgotten Klimov and remembered only her +grief, said:</p> + +<p>"She caught typhus from you and ... and died. She was buried the day +before yesterday."</p> + +<p>This sudden appalling piece of news came home to Klimov's mind, but +dreadful and shocking though it was it could not subdue the animal joy +which thrilled through the convalescent lieutenant. He cried, laughed, +and soon began to complain that he was given nothing to eat.</p> + +<p>Only a week later, when, supported by Pavel, he walked in a +dressing-gown to the window, and saw the grey spring sky and heard the +horrible rattle of some old rails being carried by on a lorry, then his +heart ached with sorrow and he began to weep and pressed his forehead +against the window-frame.</p> + +<p>"How unhappy I am!" he murmured. "My God, how unhappy I am!"</p> + +<p>And joy gave way to his habitual weariness and a sense of his +irreparable loss.</p> + + + +<h3><a name="GOOSEBERRIES" id="GOOSEBERRIES"></a>GOOSEBERRIES</h3> + + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">F</span>ROM early morning the sky had been overcast with clouds; the day was +still, cool, and wearisome, as usual on grey, dull days when the clouds +hang low over the fields and it looks like rain, which never comes. Ivan +Ivanich, the veterinary surgeon, and Bourkin, the schoolmaster, were +tired of walking and the fields seemed endless to them. Far ahead they +could just see the windmills of the village of Mirousky, to the right +stretched away to disappear behind the village a line of hills, and they +knew that it was the bank of the river; meadows, green willows, +farmhouses; and from one of the hills there could be seen a field as +endless, telegraph-posts, and the train, looking from a distance like a +crawling caterpillar, and in clear weather even the town. In the calm +weather when all Nature seemed gentle and melancholy, Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin were filled with love for the fields and thought how grand and +beautiful the country was.</p> + +<p>"Last time, when we stopped in Prokofyi's shed," said Bourkin, "you were +going to tell me a story."</p> + +<p>"Yes. I wanted to tell you about my brother."</p> + +<p>Ivan Ivanich took a deep breath and lighted his pipe before beginning +his story, but just then the rain began to fall. And in about five +minutes it came pelting down and showed no signs of stopping. Ivan +Ivanich stopped and hesitated; the dogs, wet through, stood with their +tails between their legs and looked at them mournfully.</p> + +<p>"We ought to take shelter," said Bourkin. "Let us go to Aliokhin. It is +close by."</p> + +<p>"Very well."</p> + +<p>They took a short cut over a stubble-field and then bore to the right, +until they came to the road. Soon there appeared poplars, a garden, the +red roofs of granaries; the river began to glimmer and they came to a +wide road with a mill and a white bathing-shed. It was Sophino, where +Aliokhin lived.</p> + +<p>The mill was working, drowning the sound of the rain, and the dam shook. +Round the carts stood wet horses, hanging their heads, and men were +walking about with their heads covered with sacks. It was wet, muddy, +and unpleasant, and the river looked cold and sullen. Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin felt wet and uncomfortable through and through; their feet were +tired with walking in the mud, and they walked past the dam to the barn +in silence as though they were angry with each other.</p> + +<p>In one of the barns a winnowing-machine was working, sending out clouds +of dust. On the threshold stood Aliokhin himself, a man of about forty, +tall and stout, with long hair, more like a professor or a painter than +a farmer. He was wearing a grimy white shirt and rope belt, and pants +instead of trousers; and his boots were covered with mud and straw. His +nose and eyes were black with dust. He recognised Ivan Ivanich and was +apparently very pleased.</p> + +<p>"Please, gentlemen," he said, "go to the house. I'll be with you in a +minute."</p> + +<p>The house was large and two-storied. Aliokhin lived down-stairs in two +vaulted rooms with little windows designed for the farm-hands; the +farmhouse was plain, and the place smelled of rye bread and vodka, and +leather. He rarely used the reception-rooms, only when guests arrived. +Ivan Ivanich and Bourkin were received by a chambermaid; such a pretty +young woman that both of them stopped and exchanged glances.</p> + +<p>"You cannot imagine how glad I am to see you, gentlemen," said Aliokhin, +coming after them into the hall. "I never expected you. Pelagueya," he +said to the maid, "give my friends a change of clothes. And I will +change, too. But I must have a bath. I haven't had one since the spring. +Wouldn't you like to come to the bathing-shed? And meanwhile our things +will be got ready."</p> + +<p>Pretty Pelagueya, dainty and sweet, brought towels and soap, and +Aliokhin led his guests to the bathing-shed.</p> + +<p>"Yes," he said, "it is a long time since I had a bath. My bathing-shed +is all right, as you see. My father and I put it up, but somehow I have +no time to bathe."</p> + +<p>He sat down on the step and lathered his long hair and neck, and the +water round him became brown.</p> + +<p>"Yes. I see," said Ivan Ivanich heavily, looking at his head.</p> + +<p>"It is a long time since I bathed," said Aliokhin shyly, as he soaped +himself again, and the water round him became dark blue, like ink.</p> + +<p>Ivan Ivanich came out of the shed, plunged into the water with a splash, +and swam about in the rain, flapping his arms, and sending waves back, +and on the waves tossed white lilies; he swam out to the middle of the +pool and dived, and in a minute came up again in another place and kept +on swimming and diving, trying to reach the bottom. "Ah! how delicious!" +he shouted in his glee. "How delicious!" He swam to the mill, spoke to +the peasants, and came back, and in the middle of the pool he lay on his +back to let the rain fall on his face. Bourkin and Aliokhin were already +dressed and ready to go, but he kept on swimming and diving.</p> + +<p>"Delicious," he said. "Too delicious!"</p> + +<p>"You've had enough," shouted Bourkin.</p> + +<p>They went to the house. And only when the lamp was lit in the large +drawing-room up-stairs, and Bourkin and Ivan Ivanich, dressed in silk +dressing-gowns and warm slippers, lounged in chairs, and Aliokhin +himself, washed and brushed, in a new frock coat, paced up and down +evidently delighting in the warmth and cleanliness and dry clothes and +slippers, and pretty Pelagueya, noiselessly tripping over the carpet +and smiling sweetly, brought in tea and jam on a tray, only then did +Ivan Ivanich begin his story, and it was as though he was being listened +to not only by Bourkin and Aliokhin, but also by the old and young +ladies and the officer who looked down so staidly and tranquilly from +the golden frames.</p> + +<p>"We are two brothers," he began, "I, Ivan Ivanich, and Nicholai Ivanich, +two years younger. I went in for study and became a veterinary surgeon, +while Nicholai was at the Exchequer Court when he was nineteen. Our +father, Tchimasha-Himalaysky, was a cantonist, but he died with an +officer's rank and left us his title of nobility and a small estate. +After his death the estate went to pay his debts. However, we spent our +childhood there in the country. We were just like peasant's children, +spent days and nights in the fields and the woods, minded the house, +barked the lime-trees, fished, and so on.... And you know once a man has +fished, or watched the thrushes hovering in flocks over the village in +the bright, cool, autumn days, he can never really be a townsman, and to +the day of his death he will be drawn to the country. My brother pined +away in the Exchequer. Years passed and he sat in the same place, wrote +out the same documents, and thought of one thing, how to get back to the +country. And little by little his distress became a definite disorder, a +fixed idea—to buy a small farm somewhere by the bank of a river or a +lake.</p> + +<p>"He was a good fellow and I loved him, but I never sympathised with the +desire to shut oneself up on one's own farm. It is a common saying that +a man needs only six feet of land. But surely a corpse wants that, not a +man. And I hear that our intellectuals have a longing for the land and +want to acquire farms. But it all comes down to the six feet of land. To +leave town, and the struggle and the swim of life, and go and hide +yourself in a farmhouse is not life—it is egoism, laziness; it is a +kind of monasticism, but monasticism without action. A man needs, not +six feet of land, not a farm, but the whole earth, all Nature, where in +full liberty he can display all the properties and qualities of the free +spirit.</p> + +<p>"My brother Nicholai, sitting in his office, would dream of eating his +own <i>schi</i>, with its savoury smell floating across the farmyard; and of +eating out in the open air, and of sleeping in the sun, and of sitting +for hours together on a seat by the gate and gazing at the field and the +forest. Books on agriculture and the hints in almanacs were his joy, his +favourite spiritual food; and he liked reading newspapers, but only the +advertisements of land to be sold, so many acres of arable and grass +land, with a farmhouse, river, garden, mill, and mill-pond. And he would +dream of garden-walls, flowers, fruits, nests, carp in the pond, don't +you know, and all the rest of it. These fantasies of his used to vary +according to the advertisements he found, but somehow there was always a +gooseberry-bush in every one. Not a house, not a romantic spot could he +imagine without its gooseberry-bush.</p> + +<p>"'Country life has its advantages,' he used to say. 'You sit on the +veranda drinking tea and your ducklings swim on the pond, and everything +smells good ... and there are gooseberries.'</p> + +<p>"He used to draw out a plan of his estate and always the same things +were shown on it: (<i>a</i>) Farmhouse, (<i>b</i>) cottage, (<i>c</i>) vegetable +garden, (<i>d</i>) gooseberry-bush. He used to live meagrely and never had +enough to eat and drink, dressed God knows how, exactly like a beggar, +and always saved and put his money into the bank. He was terribly +stingy. It used to hurt me to see him, and I used to give him money to +go away for a holiday, but he would put that away, too. Once a man gets +a fixed idea, there's nothing to be done.</p> + +<p>"Years passed; he was transferred to another province. He completed his +fortieth year and was still reading advertisements in the papers and +saving up his money. Then I heard he was married. Still with the same +idea of buying a farmhouse with a gooseberry-bush, he married an +elderly, ugly widow, not out of any feeling for her, but because she had +money. With her he still lived stingily, kept her half-starved, and put +the money into the bank in his own name. She had been the wife of a +postmaster and was used to good living, but with her second husband she +did not even have enough black bread; she pined away in her new life, +and in three years or so gave up her soul to God. And my brother never +for a moment thought himself to blame for her death. Money, like vodka, +can play queer tricks with a man. Once in our town a merchant lay dying. +Before his death he asked for some honey, and he ate all his notes and +scrip with the honey so that nobody should get it. Once I was examining +a herd of cattle at a station and a horse-jobber fell under the engine, +and his foot was cut off. We carried him into the waiting-room, with the +blood pouring down—a terrible business—and all the while he kept on +asking anxiously for his foot; he had twenty-five roubles in his boot +and did not want to lose them."</p> + +<p>"Keep to your story," said Bourkin.</p> + +<p>"After the death of his wife," Ivan Ivanich continued, after a long +pause, "my brother began to look out for an estate. Of course you may +search for five years, and even then buy a pig in a poke. Through an +agent my brother Nicholai raised a mortgage and bought three hundred +acres with a farmhouse, a cottage, and a park, but there was no orchard, +no gooseberry-bush, no duck-pond; there was a river but the water in it +was coffee-coloured because the estate lay between a brick-yard and a +gelatine factory. But my brother Nicholai was not worried about that; he +ordered twenty gooseberry-bushes and settled down to a country life.</p> + +<p>"Last year I paid him a visit. I thought I'd go and see how things were +with him. In his letters my brother called his estate Tchimbarshov +Corner, or Himalayskoe. I arrived at Himalayskoe in the afternoon. It +was hot. There were ditches, fences, hedges, rows of young fir-trees, +trees everywhere, and there was no telling how to cross the yard or +where to put your horse. I went to the house and was met by a red-haired +dog, as fat as a pig. He tried to bark but felt too lazy. Out of the +kitchen came the cook, barefooted, and also as fat as a pig, and said +that the master was having his afternoon rest. I went in to my brother +and found him sitting on his bed with his knees covered with a blanket; +he looked old, stout, flabby; his cheeks, nose, and lips were pendulous. +I half expected him to grunt like a pig.</p> + +<p>"We embraced and shed a tear of joy and also of sadness to think that we +had once been young, but were now both going grey and nearing death. He +dressed and took me to see his estate.</p> + +<p>"'Well? How are you getting on?' I asked.</p> + +<p>"'All right, thank God. I am doing very well.'</p> + +<p>"He was no longer the poor, tired official, but a real landowner and a +person of consequence. He had got used to the place and liked it, ate a +great deal, took Russian baths, was growing fat, had already gone to law +with the parish and the two factories, and was much offended if the +peasants did not call him 'Your Lordship.' And, like a good landowner, +he looked after his soul and did good works pompously, never simply. +What good works? He cured the peasants of all kinds of diseases with +soda and castor-oil, and on his birthday he would have a thanksgiving +service held in the middle of the village, and would treat the peasants +to half a bucket of vodka, which he thought the right thing to do. Ah! +Those horrible buckets of vodka. One day a greasy landowner will drag +the peasants before the Zembro Court for trespass, and the next, if it's +a holiday, he will give them a bucket of vodka, and they drink and shout +Hooray! and lick his boots in their drunkenness. A change to good eating +and idleness always fills a Russian with the most preposterous +self-conceit. Nicholai Ivanich who, when he was in the Exchequer, was +terrified to have an opinion of his own, now imagined that what he said +was law. 'Education is necessary for the masses, but they are not fit +for it.' 'Corporal punishment is generally harmful, but in certain cases +it is useful and indispensable.'</p> + +<p>"'I know the people and I know how to treat them,' he would say. 'The +people love me. I have only to raise my finger and they will do as I +wish.'</p> + +<p>"And all this, mark you, was said with a kindly smile of wisdom. He was +constantly saying: 'We noblemen,' or 'I, as a nobleman.' Apparently he +had forgotten that our grandfather was a peasant and our father a common +soldier. Even our family name, Tchimacha-Himalaysky, which is really an +absurd one, seemed to him full-sounding, distinguished, and very +pleasing.</p> + +<p>"But my point does not concern him so much as myself. I want to tell +you what a change took place in me in those few hours while I was in his +house. In the evening, while we were having tea, the cook laid a +plateful of gooseberries on the table. They had not been bought, but +were his own gooseberries, plucked for the first time since the bushes +were planted. Nicholai Ivanich laughed with joy and for a minute or two +he looked in silence at the gooseberries with tears in his eyes. He +could not speak for excitement, then put one into his mouth, glanced at +me in triumph, like a child at last being given its favourite toy, and +said:</p> + +<p>"'How good they are!'</p> + +<p>"He went on eating greedily, and saying all the while:</p> + +<p>"'How good they are! Do try one!'</p> + +<p>"It was hard and sour, but, as Poushkin said, the illusion which exalts +us is dearer to us than ten thousand truths. I saw a happy man, one +whose dearest dream had come true, who had attained his goal in life, +who had got what he wanted, and was pleased with his destiny and with +himself. In my idea of human life there is always some alloy of sadness, +but now at the sight of a happy man I was filled with something like +despair. And at night it grew on me. A bed was made up for me in the +room near my brother's and I could hear him, unable to sleep, going +again and again to the plate of gooseberries. I thought: 'After all, +what a lot of contented, happy people there must be! What an +overwhelming power that means! I look at this life and see the arrogance +and the idleness of the strong, the ignorance and bestiality of the +weak, the horrible poverty everywhere, overcrowding, drunkenness, +hypocrisy, falsehood.... Meanwhile in all the houses, all the streets, +there is peace; out of fifty thousand people who live in our town there +is not one to kick against it all. Think of the people who go to the +market for food: during the day they eat; at night they sleep, talk +nonsense, marry, grow old, piously follow their dead to the cemetery; +one never sees or hears those who suffer, and all the horror of life +goes on somewhere behind the scenes. Everything is quiet, peaceful, and +against it all there is only the silent protest of statistics; so many +go mad, so many gallons are drunk, so many children die of +starvation.... And such a state of things is obviously what we want; +apparently a happy man only feels so because the unhappy bear their +burden in silence, but for which happiness would be impossible. It is a +general hypnosis. Every happy man should have some one with a little +hammer at his door to knock and remind him that there are unhappy +people, and that, however happy he may be, life will sooner or later +show its claws, and some misfortune will befall him—illness, poverty, +loss, and then no one will see or hear him, just as he now neither sees +nor hears others. But there is no man with a hammer, and the happy go on +living, just a little fluttered with the petty cares of every day, like +an aspen-tree in the wind—and everything is all right.'</p> + +<p>"That night I was able to understand how I, too, had been content and +happy," Ivan Ivanich went on, getting up. "I, too, at meals or out +hunting, used to lay down the law about living, and religion, and +governing the masses. I, too, used to say that teaching is light, that +education is necessary, but that for simple folk reading and writing is +enough for the present. Freedom is a boon, I used to say, as essential +as the air we breathe, but we must wait. Yes—I used to say so, but now +I ask: 'Why do we wait?'" Ivan Ivanich glanced angrily at Bourkin. "Why +do we wait, I ask you? What considerations keep us fast? I am told that +we cannot have everything at once, and that every idea is realised in +time. But who says so? Where is the proof that it is so? You refer me to +the natural order of things, to the law of cause and effect, but is +there order or natural law in that I, a living, thinking creature, +should stand by a ditch until it fills up, or is narrowed, when I could +jump it or throw a bridge over it? Tell me, I say, why should we wait? +Wait, when we have no strength to live, and yet must live and are full +of the desire to live!</p> + +<p>"I left my brother early the next morning, and from that time on I found +it impossible to live in town. The peace and the quiet of it oppress me. +I dare not look in at the windows, for nothing is more dreadful to see +than the sight of a happy family, sitting round a table, having tea. I +am an old man now and am no good for the struggle. I commenced late. I +can only grieve within my soul, and fret and sulk. At night my head +buzzes with the rush of my thoughts and I cannot sleep.... Ah! If I were +young!"</p> + +<p>Ivan Ivanich walked excitedly up and down the room and repeated:</p> + +<p>"If I were young."</p> + +<p>He suddenly walked up to Aliokhin and shook him first by one hand and +then by the other.</p> + +<p>"Pavel Konstantinich," he said in a voice of entreaty, "don't be +satisfied, don't let yourself be lulled to sleep! While you are young, +strong, wealthy, do not cease to do good! Happiness does not exist, nor +should it, and if there is any meaning or purpose in life, they are not +in our peddling little happiness, but in something reasonable and grand. +Do good!"</p> + +<p>Ivan Ivanich said this with a piteous supplicating smile, as though he +were asking a personal favour.</p> + +<p>Then they all three sat in different corners of the drawing-room and +were silent. Ivan Ivanich's story had satisfied neither Bourkin nor +Aliokhin. With the generals and ladies looking down from their gilt +frames, seeming alive in the firelight, it was tedious to hear the story +of a miserable official who ate gooseberries.... Somehow they had a +longing to hear and to speak of charming people, and of women. And the +mere fact of sitting in the drawing-room where everything—the lamp with +its coloured shade, the chairs, and the carpet under their feet—told +how the very people who now looked down at them from their frames once +walked, and sat and had tea there, and the fact that pretty Pelagueya +was near—was much better than any story.</p> + +<p>Aliokhin wanted very much to go to bed; he had to get up for his work +very early, about two in the morning, and now his eyes were closing, but +he was afraid of his guests saying something interesting without his +hearing it, so he would not go. He did not trouble to think whether what +Ivan Ivanich had been saying was clever or right; his guests were +talking of neither groats, nor hay, nor tar, but of something which had +no bearing on his life, and he liked it and wanted them to go on....</p> + +<p>"However, it's time to go to bed," said Bourkin, getting up. "I will +wish you good night."</p> + +<p>Aliokhin said good night and went down-stairs, and left his guests. Each +had a large room with an old wooden bed and carved ornaments; in the +corner was an ivory crucifix; and their wide, cool beds, made by pretty +Pelagueya, smelled sweetly of clean linen.</p> + +<p>Ivan Ivanich undressed in silence and lay down.</p> + +<p>"God forgive me, a wicked sinner," he murmured, as he drew the clothes +over his head.</p> + +<p>A smell of burning tobacco came from his pipe which lay on the table, +and Bourkin could not sleep for a long time and was worried because he +could not make out where the unpleasant smell came from.</p> + +<p>The rain beat against the windows all night long.</p> + + + +<h3><a name="IN_EXILE" id="IN_EXILE"></a>IN EXILE</h3> + + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">O</span>LD Simeon, whose nickname was Brains, and a young Tartar, whose name +nobody knew, were sitting on the bank of the river by a wood-fire. The +other three ferrymen were in the hut. Simeon who was an old man of about +sixty, skinny and toothless, but broad-shouldered and healthy, was +drunk. He would long ago have gone to bed, but he had a bottle in his +pocket and was afraid of his comrades asking him for vodka. The Tartar +was ill and miserable, and, pulling his rags about him, he went on +talking about the good things in the province of Simbirsk, and what a +beautiful and clever wife he had left at home. He was not more than +twenty-five, and now, by the light of the wood-fire, with his pale, +sorrowful, sickly face, he looked a mere boy.</p> + +<p>"Of course, it is not a paradise here," said Brains, "you see, water, +the bare bushes by the river, clay everywhere—nothing else.... It is +long past Easter and there is still ice on the water and this morning +there was snow...."</p> + +<p>"Bad! Bad!" said the Tartar with a frightened look.</p> + +<p>A few yards away flowed the dark, cold river, muttering, dashing against +the holes in the clayey banks as it tore along to the distant sea. By +the bank they were sitting on, loomed a great barge, which the ferrymen +call a <i>karbass</i>. Far away and away, flashing out, flaring up, were +fires crawling like snakes—last year's grass being burned. And behind +the water again was darkness. Little banks of ice could be heard +knocking against the barge.... It was very damp and cold....</p> + +<p>The Tartar glanced at the sky. There were as many stars as at home, and +the darkness was the same, but something was missing. At home in the +Simbirsk province the stars and the sky were altogether different.</p> + +<p>"Bad! Bad!" he repeated.</p> + +<p>"You will get used to it," said Brains with a laugh. "You are young yet +and foolish; the milk is hardly dry on your lips, and in your folly you +imagine that there is no one unhappier than you, but there will come a +time when you will say: God give every one such a life! Just look at me. +In a week's time the floods will be gone, and we will fix the ferry +here, and all of you will go away into Siberia and I shall stay here, +going to and fro. I have been living thus for the last two-and-twenty +years, but, thank God, I want nothing. God give everybody such a life."</p> + +<p>The Tartar threw some branches onto the fire, crawled near to it and +said:</p> + +<p>"My father is sick. When he dies, my mother and my wife have promised to +come here."</p> + +<p>"What do you want your mother and your wife for?" asked Brains. "Just +foolishness, my friend. It's the devil tempting you, plague take him. +Don't listen to the Evil One. Don't give way to him. When he talks to +you about women you should answer him sharply: 'I don't want them!' When +he talks of freedom, you should stick to it and say: 'I don't want it. I +want nothing! No father, no mother, no wife, no freedom, no home, no +love! I want nothing.' Plague take 'em all."</p> + +<p>Brains took a swig at his bottle and went on:</p> + +<p>"My brother, I am not an ordinary peasant. I don't come from the servile +masses. I am the son of a deacon, and when I was a free man at Rursk, I +used to wear a frock coat, and now I have brought myself to such a point +that I can sleep naked on the ground and eat grass. God give such a life +to everybody. I want nothing. I am afraid of nobody and I think there is +no man richer or freer than I. When they sent me here from Russia I set +my teeth at once and said: 'I want nothing!' The devil whispers to me +about my wife and my kindred, and about freedom and I say to him: 'I +want nothing!' I stuck to it, and, you see, I live happily and have +nothing to grumble at. If a man gives the devil the least opportunity +and listens to him just once, then he is lost and has no hope of +salvation: he will be over ears in the mire and will never get out. Not +only peasants the like of you are lost, but the nobly born and the +educated also. About fifteen years ago a certain nobleman was sent here +from Russia. He had had some trouble with his brothers and had made a +forgery in a will. People said he was a prince or a baron, but perhaps +he was only a high official—who knows? Well, he came here and at once +bought a house and land in Moukhzyink. 'I want to live by my own work,' +said he, 'in the sweat of my brow, because I am no longer a nobleman but +an exile.' 'Why,' said I. 'God help you, for that is good.' He was a +young man then, ardent and eager; he used to mow and go fishing, and he +would ride sixty miles on horseback. Only one thing was wrong; from the +very beginning he was always driving to the post-office at Guyrin. He +used to sit in my boat and sigh: 'Ah! Simeon, it is a long time since +they sent me any money from home.' 'You are better without money, +Vassili Sergnevich,' said I. 'What's the good of it? You just throw away +the past, as though it had never happened, as though it were only a +dream, and start life afresh. Don't listen to the devil,' I said, 'he +won't do you any good, and he will only tighten the noose. You want +money now, but in a little while you will want something else, and then +more and more. If,' said I, 'you want to be happy you must want nothing. +Exactly.... If,' I said, 'fate has been hard on you and me, it is no +good asking her for charity and falling at her feet. We must ignore her +and laugh at her.' That's what I said to him.... Two years later I +ferried him over and he rubbed his hands and laughed. 'I'm going,' said +he, 'to Guyrin to meet my wife. She has taken pity on me, she says, and +she is coming here. She is very kind and good.' And he gave a gasp of +joy. Then one day he came with his wife, a beautiful young lady with a +little girl in her arms and a lot of luggage. And Vassili Andreich kept +turning and looking at her and could not look at her or praise her +enough. 'Yes, Simeon, my friend, even in Siberia people live.' Well, +thought I, all right, you won't be content. And from that time on, mark +you, he used to go to Guyrin every week to find out if money had been +sent from Russia. A terrible lot of money was wasted. 'She stays here,' +said he, 'for my sake, and her youth and beauty wither away here in +Siberia. She shares my bitter lot with me,' said he, 'and I must give +her all the pleasure I can for it....' To make his wife happier he took +up with the officials and any kind of rubbish. And they couldn't have +company without giving food and drink, and they must have a piano and a +fluffy little dog on the sofa—bad cess to it.... Luxury, in a word, all +kinds of tricks. My lady did not stay with him long. How could she? +Clay, water, cold, no vegetables, no fruit; uneducated people and +drunkards, with no manners, and she was a pretty pampered young lady +from the metropolis.... Of course she got bored. And her husband was no +longer a gentleman, but an exile—quite a different matter. Three years +later, I remember, on the eve of the Assumption, I heard shouts from the +other bank. I went over in the ferry and saw my lady, all wrapped up, +with a young gentleman, a government official, in a troika.... I ferried +them across, they got into the carriage and disappeared, and I saw no +more of them. Toward the morning Vassili Andreich came racing up in a +coach and pair. 'Has my wife been across, Simeon, with a gentleman in +spectacles?' 'She has,' said I, 'but you might as well look for the wind +in the fields.' He raced after them and kept it up for five days and +nights. When he came back he jumped on to the ferry and began to knock +his head against the side and to cry aloud. 'You see,' said I, 'there +you are.' And I laughed and reminded him: 'Even in Siberia people live.' +But he went on beating his head harder than ever.... Then he got the +desire for freedom. His wife had gone to Russia and he longed to go +there to see her and take her away from her lover. And he began to go to +the post-office every day, and then to the authorities of the town. He +was always sending applications or personally handing them to the +authorities, asking to have his term remitted and to be allowed to go, +and he told me that he had spent over two hundred roubles on telegrams. +He sold his land and mortgaged his house to the money-lenders. His hair +went grey, he grew round-shouldered, and his face got yellow and +consumptive-looking. He used to cough whenever he spoke and tears used +to come to his eyes. He spent eight years on his applications, and at +last he became happy again and lively: he had thought of a new dodge. +His daughter, you see, had grown up. He doted on her and could never +take his eyes off her. And, indeed, she was very pretty, dark and +clever. Every Sunday he used to go to church with her at Guyrin. They +would stand side by side on the ferry, and she would smile and he would +devour her with his eyes. 'Yes, Simeon,' he would say. 'Even in Siberia +people live. Even in Siberia there is happiness. Look what a fine +daughter I have. You wouldn't find one like her in a thousand miles' +journey.' 'She's a nice girl,' said I. 'Oh, yes.' ... And I thought to +myself: 'You wait.... She is young. Young blood will have its way; she +wants to live and what life is there here?' And she began to pine +away.... Wasting, wasting away, she withered away, fell ill and had to +keep to her bed.... Consumption. That's Siberian happiness, plague take +it; that's Siberian life.... He rushed all over the place after the +doctors and dragged them home with him. If he heard of a doctor or a +quack three hundred miles off he would rush off after him. He spent a +terrific amount of money on doctors and I think it would have been much +better spent on drink. All the same she had to die. No help for it. Then +it was all up with him. He thought of hanging himself, and of trying to +escape to Russia. That would be the end of him. He would try to escape: +he would be caught, tried, penal servitude, flogging."</p> + +<p>"Good! Good!" muttered the Tartar with a shiver.</p> + +<p>"What is good?" asked Brains.</p> + +<p>"Wife and daughter. What does penal servitude and suffering matter? He +saw his wife and his daughter. You say one should want nothing. But +nothing—is evil! His wife spent three years with him. God gave him +that. Nothing is evil, and three years is good. Why don't you understand +that?"</p> + +<p>Trembling and stammering as he groped for Russian words, of which he +knew only a few, the Tartar began to say: "God forbid he should fall ill +among strangers, and die and be buried in the cold sodden earth, and +then, if his wife could come to him if only for one day or even for one +hour, he would gladly endure any torture for such happiness, and would +even thank God. Better one day of happiness than nothing."</p> + +<p>Then once more he said what a beautiful clever wife he had left at home, +and with his head in his hands he began to cry and assured Simeon that +he was innocent, and had been falsely accused. His two brothers and his +uncle had stolen some horses from a peasant and beat the old man nearly +to death, and the community never looked into the matter at all, and +judgment was passed by which all three brothers were exiled to Siberia, +while his uncle, a rich man, remained at home.</p> + +<p>"You will get used to it," said Simeon.</p> + +<p>The Tartar relapsed into silence and stared into the fire with his eyes +red from weeping; he looked perplexed and frightened, as if he could not +understand why he was in the cold and the darkness, among strangers, +and not in the province of Simbirsk. Brains lay down near the fire, +smiled at something, and began to say in an undertone:</p> + +<p>"But what a joy she must be to your father," he muttered after a pause. +"He loves her and she is a comfort to him, eh? But, my man, don't tell +me. He is a strict, harsh old man. And girls don't want strictness; they +want kisses and laughter, scents and pomade. Yes.... Ah! What a life!" +Simeon swore heavily. "No more vodka! That means bedtime. What? I'm +going, my man."</p> + +<p>Left alone, the Tartar threw more branches on the fire, lay down, and, +looking into the blaze, began to think of his native village and of his +wife; if she could come if only for a month, or even a day, and then, if +she liked, go back again! Better a month or even a day, than nothing. +But even if his wife kept her promise and came, how could he provide for +her? Where was she to live?</p> + +<p>"If there is nothing to eat; how are we to live?" asked the Tartar +aloud.</p> + +<p>For working at the oars day and night he was paid two copecks a day; the +passengers gave tips, but the ferrymen shared them out and gave nothing +to the Tartar, and only laughed at him. And he was poor, cold, hungry, +and fearful.... With his whole body aching and shivering he thought it +would be good to go into the hut and sleep; but there was nothing to +cover himself with, and it was colder there than on the bank. He had +nothing to cover himself with there, but he could make up a fire....</p> + +<p>In a week's time, when the floods had subsided and the ferry would be +fixed up, all the ferrymen except Simeon would not be wanted any longer +and the Tartar would have to go from village to village, begging and +looking for work. His wife was only seventeen; beautiful, soft, and +shy.... Could she go unveiled begging through the villages? No. The idea +of it was horrible.</p> + +<p>It was already dawn. The barges, the bushy willows above the water, the +swirling flood began to take shape, and up above in a clayey cliff a hut +thatched with straw, and above that the straggling houses of the +village, where the cocks had begun to crow.</p> + +<p>The ginger-coloured clay cliff, the barge, the river, the strange wild +people, hunger, cold, illness—perhaps all these things did not really +exist. Perhaps, thought the Tartar, it was only a dream. He felt that he +must be asleep, and he heard his own snoring.... Certainly he was at +home in the Simbirsk province; he had but to call his wife and she would +answer; and his mother was in the next room.... But what awful dreams +there are! Why? The Tartar smiled and opened his eyes. What river was +that? The Volga?</p> + +<p>It was snowing.</p> + +<p>"Hi! Ferry!" some one shouted on the other bank. "<i>Karba-a-ass!</i>"</p> + +<p>The Tartar awoke and went to fetch his mates to row over to the other +side. Hurrying into their sheepskins, swearing sleepily in hoarse +voices, and shivering from the cold, the four men appeared on the bank. +After their sleep, the river from which there came a piercing blast, +seemed to them horrible and disgusting. They stepped slowly into the +barge.... The Tartar and the three ferrymen took the long, broad-bladed +oars, which in the dim light looked like a crab's claw, and Simeon flung +himself with his belly against the tiller. And on the other side the +voice kept on shouting, and a revolver was fired twice, for the man +probably thought the ferrymen were asleep or gone to the village inn.</p> + +<p>"All right. Plenty of time!" said Brains in the tone of one who was +convinced that there is no need for hurry in this world—and indeed +there is no reason for it.</p> + +<p>The heavy, clumsy barge left the bank and heaved through the willows, +and by the willows slowly receding it was possible to tell that the +barge was moving. The ferrymen plied the oars with a slow measured +stroke; Brains hung over the tiller with his stomach pressed against it +and swung from side to side. In the dim light they looked like men +sitting on some antediluvian animal with long limbs, swimming out to a +cold dismal nightmare country.</p> + +<p>They got clear of the willows and swung out into mid-stream. The thud of +the oars and the splash could be heard on the other bank and shouts +came: "Quicker! Quicker!" After another ten minutes the barge bumped +heavily against the landing-stage.</p> + +<p>"And it is still snowing, snowing all the time," Simeon murmured, wiping +the snow off his face. "God knows where it comes from!"</p> + +<p>On the other side a tall, lean old man was waiting in a short fox-fur +coat and a white astrachan hat. He was standing some distance from his +horses and did not move; he had a stern concentrated expression as if he +were trying to remember something and were furious with his recalcitrant +memory. When Simeon went up to him and took off his hat with a smile he +said:</p> + +<p>"I'm in a hurry to get to Anastasievka. My daughter is worse again and +they tell me there's a new doctor at Anastasievka."</p> + +<p>The coach was clamped onto the barge and they rowed back. All the while +as they rowed the man, whom Simeon called Vassili Andreich, stood +motionless, pressing his thick lips tight and staring in front of him. +When the driver craved leave to smoke in his presence, he answered +nothing, as if he did not hear. And Simeon hung over the rudder and +looked at him mockingly and said:</p> + +<p>"Even in Siberia people live. L-i-v-e!"</p> + +<p>On Brains's face was a triumphant expression as if he were proving +something, as if pleased that things had happened just as he thought +they would. The unhappy, helpless look of the man in the fox-fur coat +seemed to give him great pleasure.</p> + +<p>"The roads are now muddy, Vassili Andreich," he said, when the horses +had been harnessed on the bank. "You'd better wait a couple of weeks, +until it gets dryer.... If there were any point in going—but you know +yourself that people are always on the move day and night and there's no +point in it. Sure!"</p> + +<p>Vassili Andreich said nothing, gave him a tip, took his seat in the +coach and drove away.</p> + +<p>"Look! He's gone galloping after the doctor!" said Simeon, shivering in +the cold. "Yes. To look for a real doctor, trying to overtake the wind +in the fields, and catch the devil by the tail, plague take him! What +queer fish there are! God forgive me, a miserable sinner."</p> + +<p>The Tartar went up to Brains, and, looking at him with mingled hatred +and disgust, trembling, and mixing Tartar words up with his broken +Russian, said:</p> + +<p>"He good ... good. And you ... bad! You are bad! The gentleman is a good +soul, very good, and you are a beast, you are bad! The gentleman is +alive and you are dead.... God made man that he should be alive, that he +should have happiness, sorrow, grief, and you want nothing, so you are +not alive, but a stone! A stone wants nothing and so do you.... You are +a stone—and God does not love you and the gentleman he does."</p> + +<p>They all began to laugh: the Tartar furiously knit his brows, waved his +hand, drew his rags round him and went to the fire. The ferrymen and +Simeon went slowly to the hut.</p> + +<p>"It's cold," said one of the ferrymen hoarsely, as he stretched himself +on the straw with which the damp, clay floor was covered.</p> + +<p>"Yes. It's not warm," another agreed.... "It's a hard life."</p> + +<p>All of them lay down. The wind blew the door open. The snow drifted into +the hut. Nobody could bring himself to get up and shut the door; it was +cold, but they put up with it.</p> + +<p>"And I am happy," muttered Simeon as he fell asleep. "God give such a +life to everybody."</p> + +<p>"You certainly are the devil's own. Even the devil don't need to take +you."</p> + +<p>Sounds like the barking of a dog came from outside.</p> + +<p>"Who is that? Who is there?"</p> + +<p>"It's the Tartar crying."</p> + +<p>"Oh! he's a queer fish."</p> + +<p>"He'll get used to it!" said Simeon, and at once he fell asleep. Soon +the others slept too and the door was left open.</p> + + + +<h3><a name="THE_LADY_WITH_THE_TOY_DOG" id="THE_LADY_WITH_THE_TOY_DOG"></a>THE LADY WITH THE TOY DOG</h3> + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">I</span>T was reported that a new face had been seen on the quay; a lady with a +little dog. Dimitri Dimitrich Gomov, who had been a fortnight at Talta +and had got used to it, had begun to show an interest in new faces. As +he sat in the pavilion at Verné's he saw a young lady, blond and fairly +tall, and wearing a broad-brimmed hat, pass along the quay. After her +ran a white Pomeranian.</p> + +<p>Later he saw her in the park and in the square several times a day. She +walked by herself, always in the same broad-brimmed hat, and with this +white dog. Nobody knew who she was, and she was spoken of as the lady +with the toy dog.</p> + +<p>"If," thought Gomov, "if she is here without a husband or a friend, it +would be as well to make her acquaintance."</p> + +<p>He was not yet forty, but he had a daughter of twelve and two boys at +school. He had married young, in his second year at the University, and +now his wife seemed half as old again as himself. She was a tall woman, +with dark eyebrows, erect, grave, stolid, and she thought herself an +intellectual woman. She read a great deal, called her husband not +Dimitri, but Demitri, and in his private mind he thought her +short-witted, narrow-minded, and ungracious. He was afraid of her and +disliked being at home. He had begun to betray her with other women long +ago, betrayed her frequently, and, probably for that reason nearly +always spoke ill of women, and when they were discussed in his presence +he would maintain that they were an inferior race.</p> + +<p>It seemed to him that his experience was bitter enough to give him the +right to call them any name he liked, but he could not live a couple of +days without the "inferior race." With men he was bored and ill at ease, +cold and unable to talk, but when he was with women, he felt easy and +knew what to talk about, and how to behave, and even when he was silent +with them he felt quite comfortable. In his appearance as in his +character, indeed in his whole nature, there was something attractive, +indefinable, which drew women to him and charmed them; he knew it, and +he, too, was drawn by some mysterious power to them.</p> + +<p>His frequent, and, indeed, bitter experiences had taught him long ago +that every affair of that kind, at first a divine diversion, a delicious +smooth adventure, is in the end a source of worry for a decent man, +especially for men like those at Moscow who are slow to move, +irresolute, domesticated, for it becomes at last an acute and +extraordinary complicated problem and a nuisance. But whenever he met +and was interested in a new woman, then his experience would slip away +from his memory, and he would long to live, and everything would seem so +simple and amusing.</p> + +<p>And it so happened that one evening he dined in the gardens, and the +lady in the broad-brimmed hat came up at a leisurely pace and sat at the +next table. Her expression, her gait, her dress, her coiffure told him +that she belonged to society, that she was married, that she was paying +her first visit to Talta, that she was alone, and that she was bored.... +There is a great deal of untruth in the gossip about the immorality of +the place. He scorned such tales, knowing that they were for the most +part concocted by people who would be only too ready to sin if they had +the chance, but when the lady sat down at the next table, only a yard or +two away from him, his thoughts were filled with tales of easy +conquests, of trips to the mountains; and he was suddenly possessed by +the alluring idea of a quick transitory liaison, a moment's affair with +an unknown woman whom he knew not even by name.</p> + +<p>He beckoned to the little dog, and when it came up to him, wagged his +finger at it. The dog began to growl. Gomov again wagged his finger.</p> + +<p>The lady glanced at him and at once cast her eyes down.</p> + +<p>"He won't bite," she said and blushed.</p> + +<p>"May I give him a bone?"—and when she nodded emphatically, he asked +affably: "Have you been in Talta long?"</p> + +<p>"About five days."</p> + +<p>"And I am just dragging through my second week."</p> + +<p>They were silent for a while.</p> + +<p>"Time goes quickly," she said, "and it is amazingly boring here."</p> + +<p>"It is the usual thing to say that it is boring here. People live quite +happily in dull holes like Bieliev or Zhidra, but as soon as they come +here they say: 'How boring it is! The very dregs of dullness!' One would +think they came from Spain."</p> + +<p>She smiled. Then both went on eating in silence as though they did not +know each other; but after dinner they went off together—and then began +an easy, playful conversation as though they were perfectly happy, and +it was all one to them where they went or what they talked of. They +walked and talked of how the sea was strangely luminous; the water +lilac, so soft and warm, and athwart it the moon cast a golden streak. +They said how stifling it was after the hot day. Gomov told her how he +came from Moscow and was a philologist by education, but in a bank by +profession; and how he had once wanted to sing in opera, but gave it up; +and how he had two houses in Moscow.... And from her he learned that she +came from Petersburg, was born there, but married at S. where she had +been living for the last two years; that she would stay another month at +Talta, and perhaps her husband would come for her, because, he too, +needed a rest. She could not tell him what her husband was—Provincial +Administration or Zemstvo Council—and she seemed to think it funny. And +Gomov found out that her name was Anna Sergueyevna.</p> + +<p>In his room at night, he thought of her and how they would meet next +day. They must do so. As he was going to sleep, it struck him that she +could only lately have left school, and had been at her lessons even as +his daughter was then; he remembered how bashful and gauche she was when +she laughed and talked with a stranger—it must be, he thought, the +first time she had been alone, and in such a place with men walking +after her and looking at her and talking to her, all with the same +secret purpose which she could not but guess. He thought of her slender +white neck and her pretty, grey eyes.</p> + +<p>"There is something touching about her," he thought as he began to fall +asleep.</p> + + +<p class="rome">II</p> + +<p>A week passed. It was a blazing day. Indoors it was stifling, and in the +streets the dust whirled along. All day long he was plagued with thirst +and he came into the pavilion every few minutes and offered Anna +Sergueyevna an iced drink or an ice. It was impossibly hot.</p> + +<p>In the evening, when the air was fresher, they walked to the jetty to +see the steamer come in. There was quite a crowd all gathered to meet +somebody, for they carried bouquets. And among them were clearly marked +the peculiarities of Talta: the elderly ladies were youngly dressed and +there were many generals.</p> + +<p>The sea was rough and the steamer was late, and before it turned into +the jetty it had to do a great deal of manœuvring. Anna Sergueyevna +looked through her lorgnette at the steamer and the passengers as though +she were looking for friends, and when she turned to Gomov, her eyes +shone. She talked much and her questions were abrupt, and she forgot +what she had said; and then she lost her lorgnette in the crowd.</p> + +<p>The well-dressed people went away, the wind dropped, and Gomov and Anna +Sergueyevna stood as though they were waiting for somebody to come from +the steamer. Anna Sergueyevna was silent. She smelled her flowers and +did not look at Gomov.</p> + +<p>"The weather has got pleasanter toward evening," he said. "Where shall +we go now? Shall we take a carriage?"</p> + +<p>She did not answer.</p> + +<p>He fixed his eyes on her and suddenly embraced her and kissed her lips, +and he was kindled with the perfume and the moisture of the flowers; at +once he started and looked round; had not some one seen?</p> + +<p>"Let us go to your—" he murmured.</p> + +<p>And they walked quickly away.</p> + +<p>Her room was stifling, and smelled of scents which she had bought at the +Japanese shop. Gomov looked at her and thought: "What strange chances +there are in life!" From the past there came the memory of earlier +good-natured women, gay in their love, grateful to him for their +happiness, short though it might be; and of others—like his wife—who +loved without sincerity, and talked overmuch and affectedly, +hysterically, as though they were protesting that it was not love, nor +passion, but something more important; and of the few beautiful cold +women, into whose eyes there would flash suddenly a fierce expression, a +stubborn desire to take, to snatch from life more than it can give; they +were no longer in their first youth, they were capricious, unstable, +domineering, imprudent, and when Gomov became cold toward them then +their beauty roused him to hatred, and the lace on their lingerie +reminded him of the scales of fish.</p> + +<p>But here there was the shyness and awkwardness of inexperienced youth, a +feeling of constraint; an impression of perplexity and wonder, as though +some one had suddenly knocked at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, "the lady +with the toy dog" took what had happened somehow seriously, with a +particular gravity, as though thinking that this was her downfall and +very strange and improper. Her features seemed to sink and wither, and +on either side of her face her long hair hung mournfully down; she sat +crestfallen and musing, exactly like a woman taken in sin in some old +picture.</p> + +<p>"It is not right," she said. "You are the first to lose respect for +me."</p> + +<p>There was a melon on the table. Gomov cut a slice and began to eat it +slowly. At least half an hour passed in silence.</p> + +<p>Anna Sergueyevna was very touching; she irradiated the purity of a +simple, devout, inexperienced woman; the solitary candle on the table +hardly lighted her face, but it showed her very wretched.</p> + +<p>"Why should I cease to respect you?" asked Gomov. "You don't know what +you are saying."</p> + +<p>"God forgive me!" she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "It is +horrible."</p> + +<p>"You seem to want to justify yourself."</p> + +<p>"How can I justify myself? I am a wicked, low woman and I despise +myself. I have no thought of justifying myself. It is not my husband +that I have deceived, but myself. And not only now but for a long time +past. My husband may be a good honest man, but he is a lackey. I do not +know what work he does, but I do know that he is a lackey in his soul. I +was twenty when I married him. I was overcome by curiosity. I longed for +something. 'Surely,' I said to myself, 'there is another kind of life.' +I longed to live! To live, and to live.... Curiosity burned me up.... +You do not understand it, but I swear by God, I could no longer control +myself. Something strange was going on in me. I could not hold myself +in. I told my husband that I was ill and came here.... And here I have +been walking about dizzily, like a lunatic.... And now I have become a +low, filthy woman whom everybody may despise."</p> + +<p>Gomov was already bored; her simple words irritated him with their +unexpected and inappropriate repentance; but for the tears in her eyes +he might have thought her to be joking or playing a part.</p> + +<p>"I do not understand," he said quietly. "What do you want?"</p> + +<p>She hid her face in his bosom and pressed close to him.</p> + +<p>"Believe, believe me, I implore you," she said. "I love a pure, honest +life, and sin is revolting to me. I don't know myself what I am doing. +Simple people say: 'The devil entrapped me,' and I can say of myself: +'The Evil One tempted me.'"</p> + +<p>"Don't, don't," he murmured.</p> + +<p>He looked into her staring, frightened eyes, kissed her, spoke quietly +and tenderly, and gradually quieted her and she was happy again, and +they both began to laugh.</p> + +<p>Later, when they went out, there was not a soul on the quay; the town +with its cypresses looked like a city of the dead, but the sea still +roared and broke against the shore; a boat swung on the waves; and in it +sleepily twinkled the light of a lantern.</p> + +<p>They found a cab and drove out to the Oreanda.</p> + +<p>"Just now in the hall," said Gomov, "I discovered your name written on +the board—von Didenitz. Is your husband a German?"</p> + +<p>"No. His grandfather, I believe, was a German, but he himself is an +Orthodox Russian."</p> + +<p>At Oreanda they sat on a bench, not far from the church, looked down at +the sea and were silent. Talta was hardly visible through the morning +mist. The tops of the hills were shrouded in motionless white clouds. +The leaves of the trees never stirred, the cicadas trilled, and the +monotonous dull sound of the sea, coming up from below, spoke of the +rest, the eternal sleep awaiting us. So the sea roared when there was +neither Talta nor Oreanda, and so it roars and will roar, dully, +indifferently when we shall be no more. And in this continual +indifference to the life and death of each of us, lives pent up, the +pledge of our eternal salvation, of the uninterrupted movement of life +on earth and its unceasing perfection. Sitting side by side with a young +woman, who in the dawn seemed so beautiful, Gomov, appeased and +enchanted by the sight of the fairy scene, the sea, the mountains, the +clouds, the wide sky, thought how at bottom, if it were thoroughly +explored, everything on earth was beautiful, everything, except what we +ourselves think and do when we forget the higher purposes of life and +our own human dignity.</p> + +<p>A man came up—a coast-guard—gave a look at them, then went away. He, +too, seemed mysterious and enchanted. A steamer came over from +Feodossia, by the light of the morning star, its own lights already put +out.</p> + +<p>"There is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergueyevna after a silence.</p> + +<p>"Yes. It is time to go home."</p> + +<p>They returned to the town.</p> + +<p>Then every afternoon they met on the quay, and lunched together, dined, +walked, enjoyed the sea. She complained that she slept badly, that her +heart beat alarmingly. She would ask the same question over and over +again, and was troubled now by jealousy, now by fear that he did not +sufficiently respect her. And often in the square or the gardens, when +there was no one near, he would draw her close and kiss her +passionately. Their complete idleness, these kisses in the full +daylight, given timidly and fearfully lest any one should see, the heat, +the smell of the sea and the continual brilliant parade of leisured, +well-dressed, well-fed people almost regenerated him. He would tell Anna +Sergueyevna how delightful she was, how tempting. He was impatiently +passionate, never left her side, and she would often brood, and even +asked him to confess that he did not respect her, did not love her at +all, and only saw in her a loose woman. Almost every evening, rather +late, they would drive out of the town, to Oreanda, or to the waterfall; +and these drives were always delightful, and the impressions won during +them were always beautiful and sublime.</p> + +<p>They expected her husband to come. But he sent a letter in which he said +that his eyes were bad and implored his wife to come home. Anna +Sergueyevna began to worry.</p> + +<p>"It is a good thing I am going away," she would say to Gomov. "It is +fate."</p> + +<p>She went in a carriage and he accompanied her. They drove for a whole +day. When she took her seat in the car of an express-train and when the +second bell sounded, she said:</p> + +<p>"Let me have another look at you.... Just one more look. Just as you +are."</p> + +<p>She did not cry, but was sad and low-spirited, and her lips trembled.</p> + +<p>"I will think of you—often," she said. "Good-bye. Good-bye. Don't think +ill of me. We part for ever. We must, because we ought not to have met +at all. Now, good-bye."</p> + +<p>The train moved off rapidly. Its lights disappeared, and in a minute or +two the sound of it was lost, as though everything were agreed to put an +end to this sweet, oblivious madness. Left alone on the platform, +looking into the darkness, Gomov heard the trilling of the grasshoppers +and the humming of the telegraph-wires, and felt as though he had just +woke up. And he thought that it had been one more adventure, one more +affair, and it also was finished and had left only a memory. He was +moved, sad, and filled with a faint remorse; surely the young woman, +whom he would never see again, had not been happy with him; he had been +kind to her, friendly, and sincere, but still in his attitude toward +her, in his tone and caresses, there had always been a thin shadow of +raillery, the rather rough arrogance of the successful male aggravated +by the fact that he was twice as old as she. And all the time she had +called him kind, remarkable, noble, so that he was never really himself +to her, and had involuntarily deceived her....</p> + +<p>Here at the station, the smell of autumn was in the air, and the evening +was cool.</p> + +<p>"It is time for me to go North," thought Gomov, as he left the platform. +"It is time."</p> + + +<p class="rome">III</p> + +<p>At home in Moscow, it was already like winter; the stoves were heated, +and in the mornings, when the children were getting ready to go to +school, and had their tea, it was dark and their nurse lighted the lamp +for a short while. The frost had already begun. When the first snow +falls, the first day of driving in sledges, it is good to see the white +earth, the white roofs; one breathes easily, eagerly, and then one +remembers the days of youth. The old lime-trees and birches, white with +hoarfrost, have a kindly expression; they are nearer to the heart than +cypresses and palm-trees, and with the dear familiar trees there is no +need to think of mountains and the sea.</p> + +<p>Gomov was a native of Moscow. He returned to Moscow on a fine frosty +day, and when he donned his fur coat and warm gloves, and took a stroll +through Petrovka, and when on Saturday evening he heard the church-bells +ringing, then his recent travels and the places he had visited lost all +their charm. Little by little he sank back into Moscow life, read +eagerly three newspapers a day, and said that he did not read Moscow +papers as a matter of principle. He was drawn into a round of +restaurants, clubs, dinner-parties, parties, and he was flattered to +have his house frequented by famous lawyers and actors, and to play +cards with a professor at the University club. He could eat a whole +plateful of hot <i>sielianka</i>.</p> + +<p>So a month would pass, and Anna Sergueyevna, he thought, would be lost +in the mists of memory and only rarely would she visit his dreams with +her touching smile, just as other women had done. But more than a month +passed, full winter came, and in his memory everything was clear, as +though he had parted from Anna Sergueyevna only yesterday. And his +memory was lit by a light that grew ever stronger. No matter how, +through the voices of his children saying their lessons, penetrating to +the evening stillness of his study, through hearing a song, or the music +in a restaurant, or the snow-storm howling in the chimney, suddenly the +whole thing would come to life again in his memory: the meeting on the +jetty, the early morning with the mists on the mountains, the steamer +from Feodossia and their kisses. He would pace up and down his room and +remember it all and smile, and then his memories would drift into +dreams, and the past was confused in his imagination with the future. He +did not dream at night of Anna Sergueyevna, but she followed him +everywhere, like a shadow, watching him. As he shut his eyes, he could +see her, vividly, and she seemed handsomer, tenderer, younger than in +reality; and he seemed to himself better than he had been at Talta. In +the evenings she would look at him from the bookcase, from the +fireplace, from the corner; he could hear her breathing and the soft +rustle of her dress. In the street he would gaze at women's faces to see +if there were not one like her....</p> + +<p>He was filled with a great longing to share his memories with some one. +But at home it was impossible to speak of his love, and away from +home—there was no one. Impossible to talk of her to the other people in +the house and the men at the bank. And talk of what? Had he loved then? +Was there anything fine, romantic, or elevating or even interesting in +his relations with Anna Sergueyevna? And he would speak vaguely of love, +of women, and nobody guessed what was the matter, and only his wife +would raise her dark eyebrows and say:</p> + +<p>"Demitri, the rôle of coxcomb does not suit you at all."</p> + +<p>One night, as he was coming out of the club with his partner, an +official, he could not help saying:</p> + +<p>"If only I could tell what a fascinating woman I met at Talta."</p> + +<p>The official seated himself in his sledge and drove off, but suddenly +called:</p> + +<p>"Dimitri Dimitrich!"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"You were right. The sturgeon was tainted."</p> + +<p>These banal words suddenly roused Gomov's indignation. They seemed to +him degrading and impure. What barbarous customs and people!</p> + +<p>What preposterous nights, what dull, empty days! Furious card-playing, +gourmandising, drinking, endless conversations about the same things, +futile activities and conversations taking up the best part of the day +and all the best of a man's forces, leaving only a stunted, wingless +life, just rubbish; and to go away and escape was impossible—one might +as well be in a lunatic asylum or in prison with hard labour.</p> + +<p>Gomov did not sleep that night, but lay burning with indignation, and +then all next day he had a headache. And the following night he slept +badly, sitting up in bed and thinking, or pacing from corner to corner +of his room. His children bored him, the bank bored him, and he had no +desire to go out or to speak to any one.</p> + +<p>In December when the holidays came he prepared to go on a journey and +told his wife he was going to Petersburg to present a petition for a +young friend of his—and went to S. Why? He did not know. He wanted to +see Anna Sergueyevna, to talk to her, and if possible to arrange an +assignation.</p> + +<p>He arrived at S. in the morning and occupied the best room in the hotel, +where the whole floor was covered with a grey canvas, and on the table +there stood an inkstand grey with dust, adorned with a horseman on a +headless horse holding a net in his raised hand. The porter gave him the +necessary information: von Didenitz; Old Goucharno Street, his own +house—not far from the hotel; lives well, has his own horses, every one +knows him.</p> + +<p>Gomov walked slowly to Old Goucharno Street and found the house. In +front of it was a long, grey fence spiked with nails.</p> + +<p>"No getting over a fence like that," thought Gomov, glancing from the +windows to the fence.</p> + +<p>He thought: "To-day is a holiday and her husband is probably at home. +Besides it would be tactless to call and upset her. If he sent a note +then it might fall into her husband's hands and spoil everything. It +would be better to wait for an opportunity." And he kept on walking up +and down the street, and round the fence, waiting for his opportunity. +He saw a beggar go in at the gate and the dogs attack him. He heard a +piano and the sounds came faintly to his ears. It must be Anna +Sergueyevna playing. The door suddenly opened and out of it came an old +woman, and after her ran the familiar white Pomeranian. Gomov wanted to +call the dog, but his heart suddenly began to thump and in his agitation +he could not remember the dog's name.</p> + +<p>He walked on, and more and more he hated the grey fence and thought with +a gust of irritation that Anna Sergueyevna had already forgotten him, +and was perhaps already amusing herself with some one else, as would be +only natural in a young woman forced from morning to night to behold the +accursed fence. He returned to his room and sat for a long time on the +sofa, not knowing what to do. Then he dined and afterward slept for a +long while.</p> + +<p>"How idiotic and tiresome it all is," he thought as he awoke and saw the +dark windows; for it was evening. "I've had sleep enough, and what shall +I do to-night?"</p> + +<p>He sat on his bed which was covered with a cheap, grey blanket, exactly +like those used in a hospital, and tormented himself.</p> + +<p>"So much for the lady with the toy dog.... So much for the great +adventure.... Here you sit."</p> + +<p>However, in the morning, at the station, his eye had been caught by a +poster with large letters: "First Performance of 'The Geisha.'" He +remembered that and went to the theatre.</p> + +<p>"It is quite possible she will go to the first performance," he thought.</p> + +<p>The theatre was full and, as usual in all provincial theatres, there was +a thick mist above the lights, the gallery was noisily restless; in the +first row before the opening of the performance stood the local dandies +with their hands behind their backs, and there in the governor's box, in +front, sat the governor's daughter, and the governor himself sat +modestly behind the curtain and only his hands were visible. The curtain +quivered; the orchestra tuned up for a long time, and while the +audience were coming in and taking their seats, Gomov gazed eagerly +round.</p> + +<p>At last Anna Sergueyevna came in. She took her seat in the third row, +and when Gomov glanced at her his heart ached and he knew that for him +there was no one in the whole world nearer, dearer, and more important +than she; she was lost in this provincial rabble, the little +undistinguished woman, with a common lorgnette in her hands, yet she +filled his whole life; she was his grief, his joy, his only happiness, +and he longed for her; and through the noise of the bad orchestra with +its tenth-rate fiddles, he thought how dear she was to him. He thought +and dreamed.</p> + +<p>With Anna Sergueyevna there came in a young man with short +side-whiskers, very tall, stooping; with every movement he shook and +bowed continually. Probably he was the husband whom in a bitter mood at +Talta she had called a lackey. And, indeed, in his long figure, his +side-whiskers, the little bald patch on the top of his head, there was +something of the lackey; he had a modest sugary smile and in his +buttonhole he wore a University badge exactly like a lackey's number.</p> + +<p>In the first entr'acte the husband went out to smoke, and she was left +alone. Gomov, who was also in the pit, came up to her and said in a +trembling voice with a forced smile:</p> + +<p>"How do you do?"</p> + +<p>She looked up at him and went pale. Then she glanced at him again in +terror, not believing her eyes, clasped her fan and lorgnette tightly +together, apparently struggling to keep herself from fainting. Both were +silent. She sat, he stood; frightened by her emotion, not daring to sit +down beside her. The fiddles and flutes began to play and suddenly it +seemed to them as though all the people in the boxes were looking at +them. She got up and walked quickly to the exit; he followed, and both +walked absently along the corridors, down the stairs, up the stairs, +with the crowd shifting and shimmering before their eyes; all kinds of +uniforms, judges, teachers, crown-estates, and all with badges; ladies +shone and shimmered before them, like fur coats on moving rows of +clothes-pegs, and there was a draught howling through the place laden +with the smell of tobacco and cigar-ends. And Gomov, whose heart was +thudding wildly, thought:</p> + +<p>"Oh, Lord! Why all these men and that beastly orchestra?"</p> + +<p>At that very moment he remembered how when he had seen Anna Sergueyevna +off that evening at the station he had said to himself that everything +was over between them, and they would never meet again. And now how far +off they were from the end!</p> + +<p>On a narrow, dark staircase over which was written: "This Way to the +Amphitheatre," she stopped:</p> + +<p>"How you frightened me!" she said, breathing heavily, still pale and +apparently stupefied. "Oh! how you frightened me! I am nearly dead. Why +did you come? Why?"</p> + +<p>"Understand me, Anna," he whispered quickly. "I implore you to +understand...."</p> + +<p>She looked at him fearfully, in entreaty, with love in her eyes, gazing +fixedly to gather up in her memory every one of his features.</p> + +<p>"I suffer so!" she went on, not listening to him. "All the time, I +thought only of you. I lived with thoughts of you.... And I wanted to +forget, to forget, but why, why did you come?"</p> + +<p>A little above them, on the landing, two schoolboys stood and smoked and +looked down at them, but Gomov did not care. He drew her to him and +began to kiss her cheeks, her hands.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing? What are you doing?" she said in terror, thrusting +him away.... "We were both mad. Go away to-night. You must go away at +once.... I implore you, by everything you hold sacred, I implore you.... +The people are coming——-"</p> + +<p>Some one passed them on the stairs.</p> + +<p>"You must go away," Anna Sergueyevna went on in a whisper. "Do you hear, +Dimitri Dimitrich? I'll come to you in Moscow. I never was happy. Now I +am unhappy and I shall never, never be happy, never! Don't make me +suffer even more! I swear, I'll come to Moscow. And now let us part. My +dear, dearest darling, let us part!"</p> + +<p>She pressed his hand and began to go quickly down-stairs, all the while +looking back at him, and in her eyes plainly showed that she was most +unhappy. Gomov stood for a while, listened, then, when all was quiet he +found his coat and left the theatre.</p> + + +<p class="rome">IV</p> + +<p>And Anna Sergueyevna began to come to him in Moscow. Once every two or +three months she would leave S., telling her husband that she was going +to consult a specialist in women's diseases. Her husband half believed +and half disbelieved her. At Moscow she would stay at the "Slaviansky +Bazaar" and send a message at once to Gomov. He would come to her, and +nobody in Moscow knew.</p> + +<p>Once as he was going to her as usual one winter morning—he had not +received her message the night before—he had his daughter with him, for +he was taking her to school which was on the way. Great wet flakes of +snow were falling.</p> + +<p>"Three degrees above freezing," he said, "and still the snow is falling. +But the warmth is only on the surface of the earth. In the upper strata +of the atmosphere there is quite a different temperature."</p> + +<p>"Yes, papa. Why is there no thunder in winter?"</p> + +<p>He explained this too, and as he spoke he thought of his assignation, +and that not a living soul knew of it, or ever would know. He had two +lives; one obvious, which every one could see and know, if they were +sufficiently interested, a life full of conventional truth and +conventional fraud, exactly like the lives of his friends and +acquaintances; and another, which moved underground. And by a strange +conspiracy of circumstances, everything that was to him important, +interesting, vital, everything that enabled him to be sincere and denied +self-deception and was the very core of his being, must dwell hidden +away from others, and everything that made him false, a mere shape in +which he hid himself in order to conceal the truth, as for instance his +work in the bank, arguments at the club, his favourite gibe about women, +going to parties with his wife—all this was open. And, judging others +by himself, he did not believe the things he saw, and assumed that +everybody else also had his real vital life passing under a veil of +mystery as under the cover of the night. Every man's intimate existence +is kept mysterious, and perhaps, in part, because of that civilised +people are so nervously anxious that a personal secret should be +respected.</p> + +<p>When he had left his daughter at school, Gomov went to the "Slaviansky +Bazaar." He took off his fur coat down-stairs, went up and knocked +quietly at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, wearing his favourite grey dress, +tired by the journey, had been expecting him to come all night. She was +pale, and looked at him without a smile, and flung herself on his breast +as soon as he entered. Their kiss was long and lingering as though they +had not seen each other for a couple of years.</p> + +<p>"Well, how are you getting on down there?" he asked. "What is your +news?"</p> + +<p>"Wait. I'll tell you presently.... I cannot."</p> + +<p>She could not speak, for she was weeping. She turned her face from him +and dried her eyes.</p> + +<p>"Well, let her cry a bit.... I'll wait," he thought, and sat down.</p> + +<p>Then he rang and ordered tea, and then, as he drank it, she stood and +gazed out of the window.... She was weeping in distress, in the bitter +knowledge that their life had fallen out so sadly; only seeing each +other in secret, hiding themselves away like thieves! Was not their life +crushed?</p> + +<p>"Don't cry.... Don't cry," he said.</p> + +<p>It was clear to him that their love was yet far from its end, which +there was no seeing. Anna Sergueyevna was more and more passionately +attached to him; she adored him and it was inconceivable that he should +tell her that their love must some day end; she would not believe it.</p> + +<p>He came up to her and patted her shoulder fondly and at that moment he +saw himself in the mirror.</p> + +<p>His hair was already going grey. And it seemed strange to him that in +the last few years he should have got so old and ugly. Her shoulders +were warm and trembled to his touch. He was suddenly filled with pity +for her life, still so warm and beautiful, but probably beginning to +fade and wither, like his own. Why should she love him so much? He +always seemed to women not what he really was, and they loved in him, +not himself, but the creature of their imagination, the thing they +hankered for in life, and when they had discovered their mistake, still +they loved him. And not one of them was happy with him. Time passed; he +met women and was friends with them, went further and parted, but never +once did he love; there was everything but love.</p> + +<p>And now at last when his hair was grey he had fallen in love, real +love—for the first time in his life.</p> + +<p>Anna Sergueyevna and he loved one another, like dear kindred, like +husband and wife, like devoted friends; it seemed to them that Fate had +destined them for one another, and it was inconceivable that he should +have a wife, she a husband; they were like two birds of passage, a male +and a female, which had been caught and forced to live in separate +cages. They had forgiven each other all the past of which they were +ashamed; they forgave everything in the present, and they felt that +their love had changed both of them.</p> + +<p>Formerly, when he felt a melancholy compunction, he used to comfort +himself with all kinds of arguments, just as they happened to cross his +mind, but now he was far removed from any such ideas; he was filled with +a profound pity, and he desired to be tender and sincere....</p> + +<p>"Don't cry, my darling," he said. "You have cried enough.... Now let us +talk and see if we can't find some way out."</p> + +<p>Then they talked it all over, and tried to discover some means of +avoiding the necessity for concealment and deception, and the torment of +living in different towns, and of not seeing each other for a long time. +How could they shake off these intolerable fetters?</p> + +<p>"How? How?" he asked, holding his head in his hands. "How?"</p> + +<p>And it seemed that but a little while and the solution would be found +and there would begin a lovely new life; and to both of them it was +clear that the end was still very far off, and that their hardest and +most difficult period was only just beginning.</p> + + + +<h3><a name="GOUSSIEV" id="GOUSSIEV"></a>GOUSSIEV</h3> + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">I</span>T was already dark and would soon be night.</p> + +<p>Goussiev, a private on long leave, raised himself a little in his +hammock and said in a whisper:</p> + +<p>"Can you hear me, Pavel Ivanich? A soldier at Souchan told me that their +boat ran into an enormous fish and knocked a hole in her bottom."</p> + +<p>The man of condition unknown whom he addressed, and whom everybody in +the hospital-ship called Pavel Ivanich, was silent, as if he had not +heard.</p> + +<p>And once more there was silence.... The wind whistled through the +rigging, the screw buzzed, the waves came washing, the hammocks +squeaked, but to all these sounds their ears were long since accustomed +and it seemed as though everything were wrapped in sleep and silence. It +was very oppressive. The three patients—two soldiers and a sailor—who +had played cards all day were now asleep and tossing to and fro.</p> + +<p>The vessel began to shake. The hammock under Goussiev slowly heaved up +and down, as though it were breathing—one, two, three.... Something +crashed on the floor and began to tinkle: the jug must have fallen +down.</p> + +<p>"The wind has broken loose...." said Goussiev, listening attentively.</p> + +<p>This time Pavel Ivanich coughed and answered irritably:</p> + +<p>"You spoke just now of a ship colliding with a large fish, and now you +talk of the wind breaking loose.... Is the wind a dog to break loose?"</p> + +<p>"That's what people say."</p> + +<p>"Then people are as ignorant as you.... But what do they not say? You +should keep a head on your shoulders and think. Silly idiot!"</p> + +<p>Pavel Ivanich was subject to seasickness. When the ship rolled he would +get very cross, and the least trifle would upset him, though Goussiev +could never see anything to be cross about. What was there unusual in +his story about the fish or in his saying that the wind had broken +loose? Suppose the fish were as big as a mountain and its back were as +hard as a sturgeon's, and suppose that at the end of the wood there were +huge stone walls with the snarling winds chained up to them.... If they +do not break loose, why then do they rage over the sea as though they +were possessed, and rush about like dogs? If they are not chained, what +happens to them when it is calm?</p> + +<p>Goussiev thought for a long time of a fish as big as a mountain, and of +thick rusty chains; then he got tired of that and began to think of his +native place whither he was returning after five years' service in the +Far East. He saw with his mind's eye the great pond covered with +snow.... On one side of the pond was a brick-built pottery, with a tall +chimney belching clouds of black smoke, and on the other side was the +village.... From the yard of the fifth house from the corner came his +brother Alency in a sledge; behind him sat his little son Vanka in large +felt boots, and his daughter Akulka, also in felt boots. Alency is +tipsy, Vanka laughs, and Akulka's face is hidden—she is well wrapped +up.</p> + +<p>"The children will catch cold ..." thought Goussiev. "God grant them," +he whispered, "a pure right mind that they may honour their parents and +be better than their father and mother...."</p> + +<p>"The boots want soling," cried the sick sailor in a deep voice. "Aye, +aye."</p> + +<p>The thread of Goussiev's thoughts was broken, and instead of the pond, +suddenly—without rhyme or reason—he saw a large bull's head without +eyes, and the horse and sledge did not move on, but went round and round +in a black mist. But still he was glad he had seen his dear ones. He +gasped for joy, and his limbs tingled and his fingers throbbed.</p> + +<p>"God suffered me to see them!" he muttered, and opened his eyes and +looked round in the darkness for water.</p> + +<p>He drank, then lay down again, and once more the sledge skimmed along, +and he saw the bull's head without eyes, black smoke, clouds of it. And +so on till dawn.</p> + + +<p class="rome">II</p> + +<p>At first through the darkness there appeared only a blue circle, the +port-hole, then Goussiev began slowly to distinguish the man in the next +hammock, Pavel Ivanich. He was sleeping in a sitting position, for if he +lay down he could not breathe. His face was grey; his nose long and +sharp, and his eyes were huge, because he was so thin; his temples were +sunk, his beard scanty, the hair on his head long.... By his face it was +impossible to tell his class: gentleman, merchant, or peasant; judging +by his appearance and long hair he looked almost like a recluse, a +lay-brother, but when he spoke—he was not at all like a monk. He was +losing strength through his cough and his illness and the suffocating +heat, and he breathed heavily and was always moving his dry lips. +Noticing that Goussiev was looking at him, he turned toward him and +said:</p> + +<p>"I'm beginning to understand.... Yes.... Now I understand."</p> + +<p>"What do you understand, Pavel Ivanich?"</p> + +<p>"Yes.... It was strange to me at first, why you sick men, instead of +being kept quiet, should be on this steamer, where the heat is stifling, +and stinking, and pitching and tossing, and must be fatal to you; but +now it is all clear to me.... Yes. The doctors sent you to the steamer +to get rid of you. They got tired of all the trouble you gave them, +brutes like you.</p> + +<p>...You don't pay them; you only give a lot of trouble, and if you die +you spoil their reports. Therefore you are just cattle, and there is no +difficulty in getting rid of you.... They only need to lack conscience +and humanity, and to deceive the owners of the steamer. We needn't worry +about the first, they are experts by nature; but the second needs a +certain amount of practice. In a crowd of four hundred healthy soldiers +and sailors—five sick men are never noticed; so you were carried up to +the steamer, mixed with a healthy lot who were counted in such a hurry +that nothing wrong was noticed, and when the steamer got away they saw +fever-stricken and consumptive men lying helpless on the deck...."</p> + +<p>Goussiev could not make out what Pavel Ivanich was talking about; +thinking he was being taken to task, he said by way of excusing himself:</p> + +<p>"I lay on the deck because when we were taken off the barge I caught a +chill."</p> + +<p>"Shocking!" said Pavel Ivanich. "They know quite well that you can't +last out the voyage, and yet they send you here! You may get as far as +the Indian Ocean, but what then? It is awful to think of.... And that's +all the return you get for faithful unblemished service!"</p> + +<p>Pavel Ivanich looked very angry, and smote his forehead and gasped:</p> + +<p>"They ought to be shown up in the papers. There would be an awful row."</p> + +<p>The two sick soldiers and the sailor were already up and had begun to +play cards, the sailor propped up in his hammock, and the soldiers +squatting uncomfortably on the floor. One soldier had his right arm in a +sling and his wrist was tightly bandaged so that he had to hold the +cards in his left hand or in the crook of his elbow. The boat was +rolling violently so that it was impossible to get up or to drink tea or +to take medicine.</p> + +<p>"You were an orderly?" Pavel Ivanich asked Goussiev.</p> + +<p>"That's it. An orderly."</p> + +<p>"My God, my God!" said Pavel Ivanich sorrowfully. "To take a man from +his native place, drag him fifteen thousand miles, drive him into +consumption ... and what for? I ask you. To make him an orderly to some +Captain Farthing or Midshipman Hole! Where's the sense of it?"</p> + +<p>"It's not a bad job, Pavel Ivanich. You get up in the morning, clean the +boots, boil the samovar, tidy up the room, and then there is nothing to +do. The lieutenant draws plans all day long, and you can pray to God if +you like—or read books—or go out into the streets. It's a good enough +life."</p> + +<p>"Yes. Very good! The lieutenant draws plans, and you stay in the kitchen +all day long and suffer from homesickness.... Plans.... Plans don't +matter. It's human life that matters! Life doesn't come again. One +should be sparing of it."</p> + +<p>"Certainly Pavel Ivanich. A bad man meets no quarter, either at home, or +in the army, but if you live straight, and do as you are told, then no +one will harm you. They are educated and they understand.... For five +years now I've never been in the cells and I've only been thrashed +once—touch wood!"</p> + +<p>"What was that for?"</p> + +<p>"Fighting. I have a heavy fist, Pavel Ivanich. Four Chinamen came into +our yard: they were carrying wood, I think, but I don't remember. Well, +I was bored. I went for them and one of them got a bloody nose. The +lieutenant saw it through the window and gave me a thick ear."</p> + +<p>"You poor fool," muttered Pavel Ivanich. "You don't understand +anything."</p> + +<p>He was completely exhausted with the tossing of the boat and shut his +eyes; his head fell back and then flopped forward onto his chest. He +tried several times to lie down, but in vain, for he could not breathe.</p> + +<p>"And why did you go for the four Chinamen?" he asked after a while.</p> + +<p>"For no reason. They came into the yard and I went for them."</p> + +<p>Silence fell.... The gamblers played for a couple of hours, absorbed and +cursing, but the tossing of the ship tired even them; they threw the +cards away and laid down. Once more Goussiev thought of the big pond, +the pottery, the village. Once more the sledges skimmed along, once more +Vanka laughed, and that fool of an Akulka opened her fur coat, and +stretched out her feet; look, she seemed to say, look, poor people, my +felt boots are new and not like Vanka's.</p> + +<p>"She's getting on for six and still she has no sense!" said Goussiev. +"Instead of showing your boots off, why don't you bring some water to +your soldier-uncle? I'll give you a present."</p> + +<p>Then came Andrea, with his firelock on his shoulder, carrying a hare he +had shot, and he was followed by Tsaichik the cripple, who offered him a +piece of soap for the hare; and there was the black heifer in the yard, +and Domna sewing a shirt and crying over something, and there was the +eyeless bull's head and the black smoke....</p> + +<p>Overhead there was shouting, sailors running; the sound of something +heavy being dragged along the deck, or something had broken.... More +running. Something wrong? Goussiev raised his head, listened and saw the +two soldiers and the sailor playing cards again; Pavel Ivanich sitting +up and moving his lips. It was very close, he could hardly breathe, he +wanted a drink, but the water was warm and disgusting.... The pitching +of the boat was now better.</p> + +<p>Suddenly something queer happened to one of the soldiers.... He called +ace of diamonds, lost his reckoning and dropped his cards. He started +and laughed stupidly and looked round.</p> + +<p>"In a moment, you fellows," he said and lay down on the floor.</p> + +<p>All were at a loss. They shouted at him but he made no reply.</p> + +<p>"Stiepan, are you ill?" asked the other soldier with the bandaged hand. +"Perhaps we'd better call the priest, eh?"</p> + +<p>"Stiepan, drink some water," said the sailor. "Here, mate, have a +drink."</p> + +<p>"What's the good of breaking his teeth with the jug," shouted Goussiev +angrily. "Don't you see, you fatheads?"</p> + +<p>"What."</p> + +<p>"What!" cried Goussiev. "He's snuffed it, dead. That's what! Good God, +what fools!..."</p> + + +<p class="rome">III</p> + +<p>The rolling stopped and Pavel Ivanich cheered up. He was no longer +peevish. His face had an arrogant, impetuous, and mocking expression. He +looked as if he were on the point of saying: "I'll tell you a story that +will make you die of laughter." Their port-hole was open and a soft wind +blew in on Pavel Ivanich. Voices could be heard and the splash of oars +in the water.... Beneath the window some one was howling in a thin, +horrible voice; probably a Chinaman singing.</p> + +<p>"Yes. We are in harbour," said Pavel Ivanich, smiling mockingly. +"Another month and we shall be in Russia. It's true; my gallant +warriors, I shall get to Odessa and thence I shall go straight to +Kharkhov. At Kharkhov I have a friend, a literary man. I shall go to him +and I shall say, 'now, my friend, give up your rotten little +love-stories and descriptions of nature, and expose the vileness of the +human biped.... There's a subject for you.'"</p> + +<p>He thought for a moment and then he said:</p> + +<p>"Goussiev, do you know how I swindled them?"</p> + +<p>"Who, Pavel Ivanich?"</p> + +<p>"The lot out there.... You see there's only first and third class on the +steamer, and only peasants are allowed to go third. If you have a decent +suit, and look like a nobleman or a bourgeois, at a distance, then you +must go first. It may break you, but you have to lay down your five +hundred roubles. 'What's the point of such an arrangement?' I asked. 'Is +it meant to raise the prestige of Russian intellectuals?' 'Not a bit,' +said they. 'We don't let you go, simply because it is impossible for a +decent man to go third. It is so vile and disgusting.' 'Yes,' said I. +'Thanks for taking so much trouble about decent people. Anyhow, bad or +no, I haven't got five hundred roubles as I have neither robbed the +treasury nor exploited foreigners, nor dealt in contraband, nor flogged +any one to death, and, therefore, I think I have a right to go +first-class and to take rank with the intelligentsia of Russia.' But +there's no convincing them by logic.... I had to try fraud. I put on a +peasant's coat and long boots, and a drunken, stupid expression and +went to the agent and said: 'Give me a ticket, your Honour.'</p> + +<p>"'What's your position?' says the agent.</p> + +<p>"'Clerical,' said I. 'My father was an honest priest. He always told the +truth to the great ones of the earth, and so he suffered much.'"</p> + +<p>Pavel Ivanich got tired with talking, and his breath failed him, but he +went on:</p> + +<p>"Yes. I always tell the truth straight out.... I am afraid of nobody and +nothing. There's a great difference between myself and you in that +respect. You are dull, blind, stupid, you see nothing, and you don't +understand what you do see. You are told that the wind breaks its chain, +that you are brutes and worse, and you believe; you are thrashed and you +kiss the hand that thrashes you; a swine in a raccoon pelisse robs you, +and throws you sixpence for tea, and you say: 'Please, your Honour, let +me kiss your hand.' You are pariahs, skunks.... I am different. I live +consciously. I see everything, as an eagle or a hawk sees when it hovers +over the earth, and I understand everything. I am a living protest. I +see injustice—I protest; I see bigotry and hypocrisy—I protest; I see +swine triumphant—I protest, and I am unconquerable. No Spanish +inquisition can make me hold my tongue. Aye.... Cut my tongue out. I'll +protest by gesture.... Shut me up in a dungeon—I'll shout so loud that +I shall be heard for a mile round, or I'll starve myself, so that there +shall be a still heavier weight on their black consciences. Kill +me—and my ghost will return. All my acquaintances tell me: 'You are a +most insufferable man, Pavel Ivanich!' I am proud of such a reputation. +I served three years in the Far East, and have got bitter memories +enough for a hundred years. I inveighed against it all. My friends write +from Russia: 'Do not come.' But I'm going, to spite them.... Yes.... +That is life. I understand. You can call that life."</p> + +<p>Goussiev was not listening, but lay looking out of the port-hole; on the +transparent lovely turquoise water swung a boat all shining in the +shimmering light; a fat Chinaman was sitting in it eating rice with +chop-sticks. The water murmured softly, and over it lazily soared white +sea-gulls.</p> + +<p>"It would be fun to give that fat fellow one on the back of his +neck...." thought Goussiev, watching the fat Chinaman and yawning.</p> + +<p>He dozed, and it seemed to him that all the world was slumbering. Time +slipped swiftly away. The day passed imperceptibly; imperceptibly the +twilight fell.... The steamer was still no longer but was moving on.</p> + + +<p class="rome">IV</p> + +<p>Two days passed. Pavel Ivanich no longer sat up, but lay full length; +his eyes were closed and his nose seemed to be sharper than ever.</p> + +<p>"Pavel Ivanich!" called Goussiev, "Pavel Ivanich."</p> + +<p>Pavel Ivanich opened his eyes and moved his lips.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you well?"</p> + +<p>"It's nothing," answered Pavel Ivanich, breathing heavily. "It's +nothing. No. I'm much better. You see I can lie down now. I'm much +better."</p> + +<p>"Thank God for it, Pavel Ivanich."</p> + +<p>"When I compare myself with you, I am sorry for you ... poor devils. My +lungs are all right; my cough comes from indigestion ... I can endure +this hell, not to mention the Red Sea! Besides, I have a critical +attitude toward my illness, as well as to my medicine. But you ... you +are ignorant.... It's hard lines on you, very hard."</p> + +<p>The ship was running smoothly; it was calm but still stifling and hot as +a Turkish bath; it was hard not only to speak but even to listen without +an effort. Goussiev clasped his knees, leaned his head on them and +thought of his native place. My God, in such heat it was a pleasure to +think of snow and cold! He saw himself driving on a sledge, and suddenly +the horses were frightened and bolted.... Heedless of roads, dikes, +ditches they rushed like mad through the village, across the pond, past +the works, through the fields.... "Hold them in!" cried the women and +the passers-by. "Hold them in!" But why hold them in? Let the cold wind +slap your face and cut your hands; let the lumps of snow thrown up by +the horses' hoofs fall on your hat, down your neck and chest; let the +runners of the sledge be buckled, and the traces and harness be torn +and be damned to it! What fun when the sledge topples over and you are +flung hard into a snow-drift; with your face slap into the snow, and you +get up all white with your moustaches covered with icicles, hatless, +gloveless, with your belt undone.... People laugh and dogs bark....</p> + +<p>Pavel Ivanich, with one eye half open looked at Goussiev and asked +quietly:</p> + +<p>"Goussiev, did your commander steal?"</p> + +<p>"How do I know, Pavel Ivanich? The likes of us don't hear of it."</p> + +<p>A long time passed in silence. Goussiev thought, dreamed, drank water; +it was difficult to speak, difficult to hear, and he was afraid of being +spoken to. One hour passed, a second, a third; evening came, then night; +but he noticed nothing as he sat dreaming of the snow.</p> + +<p>He could hear some one coming into the ward; voices, but five minutes +passed and all was still.</p> + +<p>"God rest his soul!" said the soldier with the bandaged hand. "He was a +restless man."</p> + +<p>"What?" asked Goussiev. "Who?"</p> + +<p>"He's dead. He has just been taken up-stairs."</p> + +<p>"Oh, well," muttered Goussiev with a yawn. "God rest his soul."</p> + +<p>"What do you think, Goussiev?" asked the bandaged soldier after some +time. "Will he go to heaven?"</p> + +<p>"Who?"</p> + +<p>"Pavel Ivanich."</p> + +<p>"He will. He suffered much. Besides, he was a priest's son, and priests +have many relations. They will pray for his soul."</p> + +<p>The bandaged soldier sat down on Goussiev's hammock and said in an +undertone:</p> + +<p>"You won't live much longer, Goussiev. You'll never see Russia."</p> + +<p>"Did the doctor or the nurse tell you that?" asked Goussiev.</p> + +<p>"No one told me, but I can see it. You can always tell when a man is +going to die soon. You neither eat nor drink, and you have gone very +thin and awful to look at. Consumption. That's what it is. I'm not +saying this to make you uneasy, but because I thought you might like to +have the last sacrament. And if you have any money, you had better give +it to the senior officer."</p> + +<p>"I have not written home," said Goussiev. "I shall die and they will +never know."</p> + +<p>"They will know," said the sailor in his deep voice. "When you die they +will put you down in the log, and at Odessa they will give a note to the +military governor, and he will send it to your parish or wherever it +is...."</p> + +<p>This conversation made Goussiev begin to feel unhappy and a vague desire +began to take possession of him. He drank water—it was not that; he +stretched out to the port-hole and breathed the hot, moist air—it was +not that; he tried to think of his native place and the snow—it was +not that.... At last he felt that he would choke if he stayed a moment +longer in the hospital.</p> + +<p>"I feel poorly, mates," he said. "I want to go on deck. For Christ's +sake take me on deck."</p> + +<p>Goussiev flung his arms round the soldier's neck and the soldier held +him with his free arm and supported him up the gangway. On deck there +were rows and rows of sleeping soldiers and sailors; so many of them +that it was difficult to pick a way through them.</p> + +<p>"Stand up," said the bandaged soldier gently. "Walk after me slowly and +hold on to my shirt...."</p> + +<p>It was dark. There was no light on deck or on the masts or over the sea. +In the bows a sentry stood motionless as a statue, but he looked as if +he were asleep. It was as though the steamer had been left to its own +sweet will, to go where it liked.</p> + +<p>"They are going to throw Pavel Ivanich into the sea," said the bandaged +soldier. "They will put him in a sack and throw him overboard."</p> + +<p>"Yes. That's the way they do."</p> + +<p>"But it's better to lie at home in the earth. Then the mother can go to +the grave and weep over it."</p> + +<p>"Surely."</p> + +<p>There was a smell of dung and hay. With heads hanging there were oxen +standing by the bulwark—one, two, three ... eight beasts. And there was +a little horse. Goussiev put out his hand to pat it, but it shook its +head, showed its teeth and tried to bite his sleeve.</p> + +<p>"Damn you," said Goussiev angrily.</p> + +<p>He and the soldier slowly made their way to the bows and stood against +the bulwark and looked silently up and down. Above them was the wide +sky, bright with stars, peace and tranquillity—exactly as it was at +home in his village; but below—darkness and turbulence. Mysterious +towering waves. Each wave seemed to strive to rise higher than the rest; +and they pressed and jostled each other and yet others came, fierce and +ugly, and hurled themselves into the fray.</p> + +<p>There is neither sense nor pity in the sea. Had the steamer been +smaller, and not made of tough iron, the waves would have crushed it +remorselessly and all the men in it, without distinction of good and +bad. The steamer too seemed cruel and senseless. The large-nosed monster +pressed forward and cut its way through millions of waves; it was afraid +neither of darkness, nor of the wind, nor of space, nor of loneliness; +it cared for nothing, and if the ocean had its people, the monster would +crush them without distinction of good and bad.</p> + +<p>"Where are we now?" asked Goussiev.</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Must be the ocean."</p> + +<p>"There's no land in sight."</p> + +<p>"Why, they say we shan't see land for another seven days."</p> + +<p>The two soldiers looked at the white foam gleaming with +phosphorescence. Goussiev was the first to break the silence.</p> + +<p>"Nothing is really horrible," he said. "You feel uneasy, as if you were +in a dark forest. Suppose a boat were lowered and I was ordered to go a +hundred miles out to sea to fish—I would go. Or suppose I saw a soul +fall into the water—I would go in after him. I wouldn't go in for a +German or a Chinaman, but I'd try to save a Russian."</p> + +<p>"Aren't you afraid to die?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. I'm afraid. I'm sorry for the people at home. I have a brother at +home, you know, and he is not steady; he drinks, beats his wife for +nothing at all, and my old father and mother may be brought to ruin. But +my legs are giving way, mate, and it is hot here.... Let me go to bed."</p> + + +<p class="rome">V</p> + +<p>Goussiev went back to the ward and lay down in his hammock. As before, a +vague desire tormented him and he could not make out what it was. There +was a congestion in his chest; a noise in his head, and his mouth was so +dry that he could hardly move his tongue. He dozed and dreamed, and, +exhausted by the heat, his cough and the nightmares that haunted him, +toward morning he fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed he was in barracks, +and the bread had just been taken out of the oven, and he crawled into +the oven and lathered himself with a birch broom. He slept for two days +and on the third day in the afternoon two sailors came down and carried +him out of the ward.</p> + +<p>He was sewn up in sail-cloth, and to make him heavier two iron bars were +sewn up with him. In the sail-cloth he looked like a carrot or a radish, +broad at the top, narrow at the bottom.... Just before sunset he was +taken on deck and laid on a board one end of which lay on the bulwark, +the other on a box, raised up by a stool. Round him stood the invalided +soldiers.</p> + +<p>"Blessed is our God," began the priest; "always, now and for ever and +ever."</p> + +<p>"Amen!" said three sailors.</p> + +<p>The soldiers and the crew crossed themselves and looked askance at the +waves. It was strange that a man should be sewn up in sail-cloth and +dropped into the sea. Could it happen to any one?</p> + +<p>The priest sprinkled Goussiev with earth and bowed. A hymn was sung.</p> + +<p>The guard lifted up the end of the board, Goussiev slipped down it; shot +headlong, turned over in the air, then plop! The foam covered him, for a +moment it looked as though he was swathed in lace, but the moment +passed—and he disappeared beneath the waves.</p> + +<p>He dropped down to the bottom. Would he reach it? The bottom is miles +down, they say. He dropped down almost sixty or seventy feet, then began +to go slower and slower, swung to and fro as though he were thinking; +then, borne along by the current; he moved more sideways than downward.</p> + +<p>But soon he met a shoal of pilot-fish. Seeing a dark body, the fish +stopped dead and sudden, all together, turned and went back. Less than a +minute later, like arrows they darted at Goussiev, zigzagging through +the water around him....</p> + +<p>Later came another dark body, a shark. Gravely and leisurely, as though +it had not noticed Goussiev, it swam up under him, and he rolled over on +its back; it turned its belly up, taking its ease in the warm, +translucent water, and slowly opened its mouth with its two rows of +teeth. The pilot-fish were wildly excited; they stopped to see what was +going to happen. The shark played with the body, then slowly opened its +mouth under it, touched it with its teeth, and the sail-cloth was ripped +open from head to foot; one of the bars fell out, frightening the +pilot-fish and striking the shark on its side, and sank to the bottom.</p> + +<p>And above the surface, the clouds were huddling up about the setting +sun; one cloud was like a triumphal arch, another like a lion, another +like a pair of scissors.... From behind the clouds came a broad green +ray reaching up to the very middle of the sky; a little later a violet +ray was flung alongside this, and then others gold and pink.... The sky +was soft and lilac, pale and tender. At first beneath the lovely, +glorious sky the ocean frowned, but soon the ocean also took on +colour—sweet, joyful, passionate colours, almost impossible to name in +human language.</p> + + + +<h3><a name="MY_LIFE" id="MY_LIFE"></a>MY LIFE</h3> + +<p class="c">THE STORY OF A PROVINCIAL</p> + + +<p class="no"><span class="lt">T</span>HE director said to me: "I only keep you out of respect for your worthy +father, or you would have gone long since." I replied: "You flatter me, +your Excellency, but I suppose I am in a position to go." And then I +heard him saying: "Take the fellow away, he is getting on my nerves."</p> + +<p>Two days later I was dismissed. Ever since I had been grown up, to the +great sorrow of my father, the municipal architect, I had changed my +position nine times, going from one department to another, but all the +departments were as like each other as drops of water; I had to sit and +write, listen to inane and rude remarks, and just wait until I was +dismissed.</p> + +<p>When I told my father, he was sitting back in his chair with his eyes +shut. His thin, dry face, with a dove-coloured tinge where he shaved +(his face was like that of an old Catholic organist), wore an expression +of meek submission. Without answering my greeting or opening his eyes, +he said:</p> + +<p>"If my dear wife, your mother, were alive, your life would be a constant +grief to her. I can see the hand of Providence in her untimely death. +Tell me, you unhappy boy," he went on, opening his eyes, "what am I to +do with you?"</p> + +<p>When I was younger my relations and friends knew what to do with me; +some advised me to go into the army as a volunteer, others were for +pharmacy, others for the telegraph service; but now that I was +twenty-four and was going grey at the temples and had already tried the +army and pharmacy and the telegraph service, and every possibility +seemed to be exhausted, they gave me no more advice, but only sighed and +shook their heads.</p> + +<p>"What do you think of yourself?" my father went on. "At your age other +young men have a good social position, and just look at yourself: a lazy +lout, a beggar, living on your father!"</p> + +<p>And, as usual, he went on to say that young men were going to the dogs +through want of faith, materialism, and conceit, and that amateur +theatricals should be prohibited because they seduce young people from +religion and their duty.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow we will go together, and you shall apologise to the director +and promise to do your work conscientiously," he concluded. "You must +not be without a position in society for a single day."</p> + +<p>"Please listen to me," said I firmly, though I did not anticipate +gaining anything by speaking. "What you call a position in society is +the privilege of capital and education. But people who are poor and +uneducated have to earn their living by hard physical labour, and I see +no reason why I should be an exception."</p> + +<p>"It is foolish and trivial of you to talk of physical labour," said my +father with some irritation. "Do try to understand, you idiot, and get +it into your brainless head, that in addition to physical strength you +have a divine spirit; a sacred fire, by which you are distinguished from +an ass or a reptile and bringing you nigh to God. This sacred fire has +been kept alight for thousands of years by the best of mankind. Your +great-grandfather, General Pologniev, fought at Borodino; your +grandfather was a poet, an orator, and a marshal of the nobility; your +uncle was an educationalist; and I, your father, am an architect! Have +all the Polognievs kept the sacred fire alight for you to put it out?"</p> + +<p>"There must be justice," said I. "Millions of people have to do manual +labour."</p> + +<p>"Let them. They can do nothing else! Even a fool or a criminal can do +manual labour. It is the mark of a slave and a barbarian, whereas the +sacred fire is given only to a few!"</p> + +<p>It was useless to go on with the conversation. My father worshipped +himself and would not be convinced by anything unless he said it +himself. Besides, I knew quite well that the annoyance with which he +spoke of unskilled labour came not so much from any regard for the +sacred fire, as from a secret fear that I should become a working man +and the talk of the town. But the chief thing was that all my +schoolfellows had long ago gone through the University and were making +careers for themselves, and the son of the director of the State Bank +was already a collegiate assessor, while I, an only son, was nothing! It +was useless and unpleasant to go on with the conversation, but I still +sat there and raised objections in the hope of making myself understood. +The problem was simple and clear: how was I to earn my living? But he +could not see its simplicity and kept on talking with sugary rounded +phrases about Borodino and the sacred fire, and my uncle, and the +forgotten poet who wrote bad, insincere verses, and he called me a +brainless fool. But how I longed to be understood! In spite of +everything, I loved my father and my sister, and from boyhood I have had +a habit of considering them, so strongly rooted that I shall probably +never get rid of it; whether I am right or wrong I am always afraid of +hurting them, and go in terror lest my father's thin neck should go red +with anger and he should have an apoplectic fit.</p> + +<p>"It is shameful and degrading for a man of my age to sit in a stuffy +room and compete with a typewriting-machine," I said. "What has that to +do with the sacred fire?"</p> + +<p>"Still, it is intellectual work," said my father. "But that's enough. +Let us drop the conversation and I warn you that if you refuse to return +to your office and indulge your contemptible inclinations, then you +will lose my love and your sister's. I shall cut you out of my +will—that I swear, by God!"</p> + +<p>With perfect sincerity, in order to show the purity of my motives, by +which I hope to be guided all through my life, I said:</p> + +<p>"The matter of inheritance does not strike me as important. I renounce +any rights I may have."</p> + +<p>For some unexpected reason these words greatly offended my father. He +went purple in the face.</p> + +<p>"How dare you talk to me like that, you fool!" he cried to me in a thin, +shrill voice. "You scoundrel!" And he struck me quickly and dexterously +with a familiar movement; once—twice. "You forget yourself!"</p> + +<p>When I was a boy and my father struck me, I used to stand bolt upright +like a soldier and look him straight in the face; and, exactly as if I +were still a boy, I stood erect, and tried to look into his eyes. My +father was old and very thin, but his spare muscles must have been as +strong as whip-cord, for he hit very hard.</p> + +<p>I returned to the hall, but there he seized his umbrella and struck me +several times over the head and shoulders; at that moment my sister +opened the drawing-room door to see what the noise was, but immediately +drew back with an expression of pity and horror, and said not one word +in my defence.</p> + +<p>My intention not to return to the office, but to start a new working +life, was unshakable. It only remained to choose the kind of work—and +there seemed to be no great difficulty about that, because I was strong, +patient, and willing. I was prepared to face a monotonous, laborious +life, of semi-starvation, filth, and rough surroundings, always +overshadowed with the thought of finding a job and a living. And—who +knows—returning from work in the Great Gentry Street, I might often +envy Dolyhikov, the engineer, who lives by intellectual work, but I was +happy in thinking of my coming troubles. I used to dream of intellectual +activity, and to imagine myself a teacher, a doctor, a writer, but my +dreams remained only dreams. A liking for intellectual pleasures—like +the theatre and reading—grew into a passion with me, but I did not know +whether I had any capacity for intellectual work. At school I had an +unconquerable aversion for the Greek language, so that I had to leave +when I was in the fourth class. Teachers were got to coach me up for the +fifth class, and then I went into various departments, spending most of +my time in perfect idleness, and this, I was told, was intellectual +work.</p> + +<p>My activity in the education department or in the municipal office +required neither mental effort, nor talent, nor personal ability, nor +creative spiritual impulse; it was purely mechanical, and such +intellectual work seemed to me lower than manual labour. I despise it +and I do not think that it for a moment justifies an idle, careless +life, because it is nothing but a swindle, and only a kind of idleness. +In all probability I have never known real intellectual work.</p> + +<p>It was evening. We lived in Great Gentry Street—the chief street in the +town—and our rank and fashion walked up and down it in the evenings, as +there were no public gardens. The street was very charming, and was +almost as good as a garden, for it had two rows of poplar-trees, which +smelt very sweet, especially after rain, and acacias, and tall trees, +and apple-trees hung over the fences and hedges. May evenings, the scent +of the lilac, the hum of the cockchafers, the warm, still air—how new +and extraordinary it all is, though spring comes every year! I stood by +the gate and looked at the passers-by. With most of them I had grown up +and had played with them, but now my presence might upset them, because +I was poorly dressed, in unfashionable clothes, and people made fun of +my very narrow trousers and large, clumsy boots, and called them +macaroni-on-steamboats. And I had a bad reputation in the town because I +had no position and went to play billiards in low cafés, and had once +been taken up, for no particular offence, by the political police.</p> + +<p>In a large house opposite, Dolyhikov's, the engineer's, some one was +playing the piano. It was beginning to get dark and the stars were +beginning to shine. And slowly, answering people's salutes, my father +passed with my sister on his arm. He was wearing an old top hat with a +broad curly brim.</p> + +<p>"Look!" he said to my sister, pointing to the sky with the very umbrella +with which he had just struck me. "Look at the sky! Even the smallest +stars are worlds! How insignificant man is in comparison with the +universe."</p> + +<p>And he said this in a tone that seemed to convey that he found it +extremely flattering and pleasant to be so insignificant. What an +untalented man he was! Unfortunately, he was the only architect in the +town, and during the last fifteen or twenty years I could not remember +one decent house being built. When he had to design a house, as a rule +he would draw first the hall and the drawing-room; as in olden days +schoolgirls could only begin to dance by the fireplace, so his artistic +ideas could only evolve from the hall and drawing-room. To them he would +add the dining-room, nursery, study, connecting them with doors, so that +in the end they were just so many passages, and each room had two or +three doors too many. His houses were obscure, extremely confused, and +limited. Every time, as though he felt something was missing, he had +recourse to various additions, plastering them one on top of the other, +and there would be various lobbies, and passages, and crooked staircases +leading to the entresol, where it was only possible to stand in a +stooping position, and where instead of a floor there would be a thin +flight of stairs like a Russian bath, and the kitchen would always be +under the house with a vaulted ceiling and a brick floor. The front of +his houses always had a hard, stubborn expression, with stiff, French +lines, low, squat roofs, and fat, pudding-like chimneys surmounted with +black cowls and squeaking weathercocks. And somehow all the houses built +by my father were like each other, and vaguely reminded me of a top hat, +and the stiff, obstinate back of his head. In the course of time the +people of the town grew used to my father's lack of talent, which took +root and became our style.</p> + +<p>My father introduced the style into my sister's life. To begin with, he +gave her the name of Cleopatra (and he called me Misail). When she was a +little girl he used to frighten her by telling her about the stars and +our ancestors; and explained the nature of life and duty to her at great +length; and now when she was twenty-six he went on in the same way, +allowing her to take no one's arm but his own, and somehow imagining +that sooner or later an ardent young man would turn up and wish to enter +into marriage with her out of admiration for his qualities. And she +adored my father, was afraid of him, and believed in his extraordinary +intellectual powers.</p> + +<p>It got quite dark and the street grew gradually empty. In the house +opposite the music stopped. The gate was wide open and out into the +street, careering with all its bells jingling, came a troika. It was the +engineer and his daughter going for a drive. Time to go to bed!</p> + +<p>I had a room in the house, but I lived in the courtyard in a hut, under +the same roof as the coach-house, which had been built probably as a +harness-room—for there were big nails in the walls—but now it was not +used, and my father for thirty years had kept his newspapers there, +which for some reason he had bound half-yearly and then allowed no one +to touch. Living there I was less in touch with my father and his +guests, and I used to think that if I did not live in a proper room and +did not go to the house every day for meals, my father's reproach that I +was living on him lost some of its sting.</p> + +<p>My sister was waiting for me. She had brought me supper unknown to my +father; a small piece of cold veal and a slice of bread. In the family +there were sayings: "Money loves an account," or "A copeck saves a +rouble," and so on, and my sister, impressed by such wisdom, did her +best to cut down expenses and made us feed rather meagrely. She put the +plate on the table, sat on my bed, and began to cry.</p> + +<p>"Misail," she said, "what are you doing to us?"</p> + +<p>She did not cover her face, her tears ran down her cheeks and hands, and +her expression was sorrowful. She fell on the pillow, gave way to her +tears, trembling all over and sobbing.</p> + +<p>"You have left your work again!" she said. "How awful!"</p> + +<p>"Do try to understand, sister!" I said, and because she cried I was +filled with despair.</p> + +<p>As though it were deliberately arranged, the paraffin in my little lamp +ran out, and the lamp smoked and guttered, and the old hooks in the wall +looked terrible and their shadows flickered.</p> + +<p>"Spare us!" said my sister, rising up. "Father is in an awful state, and +I am ill. I shall go mad. What will become of you?" she asked, sobbing +and holding out her hands to me. "I ask you, I implore you, in the name +of our dear mother, to go back to your work."</p> + +<p>"I cannot, Cleopatra," I said, feeling that only a little more would +make me give in. "I cannot."</p> + +<p>"Why?" insisted my sister, "why? If you have not made it up with your +chief, look for another place. For instance, why shouldn't you work on +the railway? I have just spoken to Aniuta Blagovo, and she assures me +you would be taken on, and she even promised to do what she could for +you. For goodness sake, Misail, think! Think it over, I implore you!"</p> + +<p>We talked a little longer and I gave in. I said that the thought of +working on the railway had never come into my head, and that I was ready +to try.</p> + +<p>She smiled happily through her tears and clasped my hand, and still she +cried, because she could not stop, and I went into the kitchen for +paraffin.</p> + + +<p class="rome">II</p> + +<p>Among the supporters of amateur theatricals, charity concerts, and +<i>tableaux vivants</i> the leaders were the Azhoguins, who lived in their +own house in Great Gentry house the Street. They used to lend their +house and assume the necessary trouble and expense. They were a rich +landowning family, and had about three thousand <i>urskins</i>, with a +magnificent farm in the neighbourhood, but they did not care for village +life and lived in the town summer and winter. The family consisted of a +mother, a tall, spare, delicate lady, who had short hair, wore a blouse +and a plain skirt à l'Anglais, and three daughters, who were spoken of, +not by their names, but as the eldest, the middle, and the youngest; +they all had ugly, sharp chins, and they were short-sighted, +high-shouldered, dressed in the same style as their mother, had an +unpleasant lisp, and yet they always took part in every play and were +always doing something for charity—acting, reciting, singing. They were +very serious and never smiled, and even in burlesque operettas they +acted without gaiety and with a businesslike air, as though they were +engaged in bookkeeping.</p> + +<p>I loved our plays, especially the rehearsals, which were frequent, +rather absurd, and noisy, and we were always given supper after them. I +had no part in the selection of the pieces and the casting of the +characters. I had to look after the stage. I used to design the scenery +and copy out the parts, and prompt and make up. And I also had to look +after the various effects such as thunder, the singing of a nightingale, +and so on. Having no social position, I had no decent clothes, and +during rehearsals had to hold aloof from the others in the darkened +wings and shyly say nothing.</p> + +<p>I used to paint the scenery in the Azhoguins' coach-house or yard. I was +assisted by a house-painter, or, as he called himself, a decorating +contractor, named Andrey Ivanov, a man of about fifty, tall and very +thin and pale, with a narrow chest, hollow temples, and dark rings under +his eyes, he was rather awful to look at. He had some kind of wasting +disease, and every spring and autumn he was said to be on the point of +death, but he would go to bed for a while and then get up and say with +surprise: "I'm not dead this time!"</p> + +<p>In the town he was called Radish, and people said it was his real name. +He loved the theatre as much as I, and no sooner did he hear that a play +was in hand than he gave up all his work and went to the Azhoguins' to +paint scenery.</p> + +<p>The day after my conversation with my sister I worked from morning till +night at the Azhoguins'. The rehearsal was fixed for seven o'clock, and +an hour before it began all the players were assembled, and the eldest, +the middle, and the youngest Miss Azhoguin were reading their parts on +the stage. Radish, in a long, brown overcoat with a scarf wound round +his neck, was standing, leaning with his head against the wall, looking +at the stage with a rapt expression. Mrs. Azhoguin went from guest to +guest saying something pleasant to every one. She had a way of gazing +into one's face and speaking in a hushed voice as though she were +telling a secret.</p> + +<p>"It must be difficult to paint scenery," she said softly, coming up to +me. "I was just talking to Mrs. Mufke about prejudice when I saw you +come in. Mon Dieu! All my life I have struggled against prejudice. To +convince the servants that all their superstitions are nonsense I always +light three candles, and I begin all my important business on the +thirteenth."</p> + +<p>The daughter of Dolyhikov, the engineer, was there, a handsome, plump, +fair girl, dressed, as people said in our town, in Parisian style. She +did not act, but at rehearsals a chair was put for her on the stage, and +the plays did not begin until she appeared in the front row, to astonish +everybody with the brilliance of her clothes. As coming from the +metropolis, she was allowed to make remarks during rehearsals, and she +did so with an affable, condescending smile, and it was clear that she +regarded our plays as a childish amusement. It was said that she had +studied singing at the Petersburg conservatoire and had sung for a +winter season in opera. I liked her very much, and during rehearsals or +the performance, I never took my eyes off her.</p> + +<p>I had taken the book and began to prompt when suddenly my sister +appeared. Without taking off her coat and hat she came up to me and +said:</p> + +<p>"Please come!"</p> + +<p>I went. Behind the stage in the doorway stood Aniuta Blagovo, also +wearing a hat with a dark veil. She was the daughter of the +vice-president of the Court, who had been appointed to our town years +ago, almost as soon as the High Court was established. She was tall and +had a good figure, and was considered indispensable for the <i>tableaux +vivants</i>, and when she represented a fairy or a muse, her face would +burn with shame; but she took no part in the plays, and would only look +in at rehearsals, on some business, and never enter the hall. And it was +evident now that she had only looked in for a moment.</p> + +<p>"My father has mentioned you," she said drily, not looking at me and +blushing.... "Dolyhikov has promised to find you something to do on the +railway. If you go to his house to-morrow, he will see you."</p> + +<p>I bowed and thanked her for her kindness.</p> + +<p>"And you must leave this," she said, pointing to my book.</p> + +<p>She and my sister went up to Mrs. Azhoguin and began to whisper, looking +at me.</p> + +<p>"Indeed," said Mrs. Azhoguin, coming up to me, and gazing into my face. +"Indeed, if it takes you from your more serious business"—she took the +book out of my hands—"then you must hand it over to some one else. +Don't worry, my friend. It will be all right."</p> + +<p>I said good-bye and left in some confusion. As I went down-stairs I saw +my sister and Aniuta Blagovo going away; they were talking animatedly, I +suppose about my going on the railway, and they hurried away. My sister +had never been to a rehearsal before, and she was probably tortured by +her conscience and by her fear of my father finding out that she had +been to the Azhoguins' without permission.</p> + +<p>The next day I went to see Dolyhikov at one o'clock. The man servant +showed me into a charming room, which was the engineer's drawing-room +and study. Everything in it was charming and tasteful, and to a man like +myself, unused to such things, very strange. Costly carpets, huge +chairs, bronzes, pictures in gold and velvet frames; photographs on the +walls of beautiful women, clever, handsome faces, and striking +attitudes; from the drawing-room a door led straight into the garden, by +a veranda, and I saw lilac and a table laid for breakfast, rolls, and a +bunch of roses; and there was a smell of spring, and good cigars, and +happiness—and everything seemed to say, here lives a man who has worked +and won the highest happiness here on earth. At the table the engineer's +daughter was sitting reading a newspaper.</p> + +<p>"Do you want my father?" she asked. "He is having a shower-bath. He will +be down presently. Please take a chair."</p> + +<p>I sat down.</p> + +<p>"I believe you live opposite?" she asked after a short silence.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"When I have nothing to do I look out of the window. You must excuse +me," she added, turning to her newspaper, "and I often see you and your +sister. She has such a kind, wistful expression."</p> + +<p>Dolyhikov came in. He was wiping his neck with a towel.</p> + +<p>"Papa, this is Mr. Pologniev," said his daughter.</p> + +<p>"Yes, yes. Blagovo spoke to me." He turned quickly to me, but did not +hold out his hand. "But what do you think I can give you? I'm not +bursting with situations. You are queer people!" he went on in a loud +voice and as though he were scolding me. "I get about twenty people +every day, as though I were a Department of State. I run a railway, sir. +I employ hard labour; I need mechanics, navvies, joiners, well-sinkers, +and you can only sit and write. That's all! You are all clerks!"</p> + +<p>And he exhaled the same air of happiness as his carpets and chairs. He +was stout, healthy, with red cheeks and a broad chest; he looked clean +in his pink shirt and wide trousers, just like a china figure of a +post-boy. He had a round, bristling beard—and not a single grey +hair—and a nose with a slight bridge, and bright, innocent, dark eyes.</p> + +<p>"What can you do?" he went on. "Nothing! I am an engineer and +well-to-do, but before I was given this railway I worked very hard for a +long time. I was an engine-driver for two years, I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. Now, my dear man, just think—what work can I +offer you?"</p> + +<p>"I quite agree," said I, utterly abashed, not daring to meet his bright, +innocent eyes.</p> + +<p>"Are you any good with the telegraph?" he asked after some thought.</p> + +<p>"Yes. I have been in the telegraph service."</p> + +<p>"Hm.... Well, we'll see. Go to Dubechnia. There's a fellow there +already. But he is a scamp."</p> + +<p>"And what will my duties be?" I asked.</p> + +<p>"We'll see to that later. Go there now. I'll give orders. But please +don't drivel and don't bother me with petitions or I'll kick you out."</p> + +<p>He turned away from me without even a nod. I bowed to him and his +daughter, who was reading the newspaper, and went out. I felt so +miserable that when my sister asked how the engineer had received me, I +could not utter a single word.</p> + +<p>To go to Dubechnia I got up early in the morning at sunrise. There was +not a soul in the street, the whole town was asleep, and my footsteps +rang out with a hollow sound. The dewy poplars filled the air with a +soft scent. I was sad and had no desire to leave the town. It seemed so +nice and warm! I loved the green trees, the quiet sunny mornings, the +ringing of the bells, but the people in the town were alien to me, +tiresome and sometimes even loathsome. I neither liked nor understood +them.</p> + +<p>I did not understand why or for what purpose those thirty-five thousand +people lived. I knew that Kimry made a living by manufacturing boots, +that Tula made samovars and guns, that Odessa was a port; but I did not +know what our town was or what it did. The people in Great Gentry Street +and two other clean streets had independent means and salaries paid by +the Treasury, but how the people lived in the other eight streets which +stretched parallel to each other for three miles and then were lost +behind the hill—that was always an insoluble problem to me. And I am +ashamed to think of the way they lived. They had neither public gardens, +nor a theatre, nor a decent orchestra; the town and club libraries are +used only by young Jews, so that books and magazines would lie for +months uncut. The rich and the intelligentsia slept in close, stuffy +bedrooms, with wooden beds infested with bugs; the children were kept in +filthy, dirty rooms called nurseries, and the servants, even when they +were old and respectable, slept on the kitchen floor and covered +themselves with rags. Except in Lent all the houses smelt of <i>bortsch</i>, +and during Lent of sturgeon fried in sunflower oil. The food was +unsavoury, the water unwholesome. On the town council, at the +governor's, at the archbishop's, everywhere there had been talk for +years about there being no good, cheap water-supply and of borrowing two +hundred thousand roubles from the Treasury. Even the very rich people, +of whom there were about thirty in the town, people who would lose a +whole estate at cards, used to drink the bad water and talk +passionately about the loan—and I could never understand this, for it +seemed to me it would be simpler for them to pay up the two hundred +thousand.</p> + +<p>I did not know a single honest man in the whole town. My father took +bribes, and imagined they were given to him out of respect for his +spiritual qualities; the boys at the high school, in order to be +promoted, went to lodge with the masters and paid them large sums; the +wife of the military commandant took levies from the recruits during the +recruiting, and even allowed them to stand her drinks, and once she was +so drunk in church that she could not get up from her knees; during the +recruiting the doctors also took bribes, and the municipal doctor and +the veterinary surgeon levied taxes on the butcher shops and public +houses; the district school did a trade in certificates which gave +certain privileges in the civil service; the provosts took bribes from +the clergy and church-wardens whom they controlled, and on the town +council and various committees every one who came before them was +pursued with: "One expects thanks!"—and thereby forty copecks had to +change hands. And those who did not take bribes, like the High Court +officials, were stiff and proud, and shook hands with two fingers, and +were distinguished by their indifference and narrow-mindedness. They +drank and played cards, married rich women, and always had a bad, +insidious influence on those round them. Only the girls had any moral +purity; most of them had lofty aspirations and were pure and honest at +heart; but they knew nothing of life, and believed that bribes were +given to honour spiritual qualities; and when they married, they soon +grew old and weak, and were hopelessly lost in the mire of that vulgar, +bourgeois existence.</p> + + +<p class="rome">III</p> + +<p>A railway was being built in our district. On holidays and thereabouts +the town was filled with crowds of ragamuffins called "railies," of whom +the people were afraid. I used often to see a miserable wretch with a +bloody face, and without a hat, being dragged off by the police, and +behind him was the proof of his crime, a samovar or some wet, newly +washed linen. The "railies" used to collect near the public houses and +on the squares; and they drank, ate, and swore terribly, and whistled +after the town prostitutes. To amuse these ruffians our shopkeepers used +to make the cats and dogs drink vodka, or tie a kerosene-tin to a dog's +tail, and whistle to make the dog come tearing along the street with the +tin clattering after him, and making him squeal with terror and think he +had some frightful monster hard at his heels, so that he would rush out +of the town and over the fields until he could run no more. We had +several dogs in the town which were left with a permanent shiver and +used to crawl about with their tails between their legs, and people +said that they could not stand such tricks and had gone mad.</p> + +<p>The station was being built five miles from the town. It was said that +the engineer had asked for a bribe of fifty thousand roubles to bring +the station nearer, but the municipality would only agree to forty; they +would not give in to the extra ten thousand, and now the townspeople are +sorry because they had to make a road to the station which cost them +more. Sleepers and rails were fixed all along the line, and +service-trains were running to carry building materials and labourers, +and they were only waiting for the bridges upon which Dolyhikov was at +work, and here and there the stations were not ready.</p> + +<p>Dubechnia—the name of our first station—was seventeen versts from the +town. I went on foot. The winter and spring corn was bright green, +shining in the morning sun. The road was smooth and bright, and in the +distance I could see in outline the station, the hills, and the remote +farmhouses.... How good it was out in the open! And how I longed to be +filled with the sense of freedom, if only for that morning, to stop +thinking of what was going on in the town, or of my needs, or even of +eating! Nothing has so much prevented my living as the feeling of acute +hunger, which make my finest thoughts get mixed up with thoughts of +porridge, cutlets, and fried fish. When I stand alone in the fields and +look up at the larks hanging marvellously in the air, and bursting with +hysterical song, I think: "It would be nice to have some bread and +butter." Or when I sit in the road and shut my eyes and listen to the +wonderful sounds of a May-day, I remember how good hot potatoes smell. +Being big and of a strong constitution I never have quite enough to eat, +and so my chief sensation during the day is hunger, and so I can +understand why so many people who are working for a bare living, can +talk of nothing but food.</p> + +<p>At Dubechnia the station was being plastered inside, and the upper story +of the water-tank was being built. It was close and smelt of lime, and +the labourers were wandering lazily over piles of chips and rubbish. The +signalman was asleep near his box with the sun pouring straight into his +face. There was not a single tree. The telephone gave a faint hum, and +here and there birds had alighted on it. I wandered over the heaps, not +knowing what to do, and remembered how when I asked the engineer what my +duties would be, he had replied: "We will see there." But what was there +to see in such a wilderness? The plasterers were talking about the +foreman and about one Fedot Vassilievich. I could not understand and was +filled with embarrassment—physical embarrassment. I felt conscious of +my arms and legs, and of the whole of my big body, and did not know what +to do with them or where to go.</p> + +<p>After walking for at least a couple of hours I noticed that from the +station to the right of the line there were telegraph-poles which after +about one and a half or two miles ended in a white stone wall. The +labourers said it was the office, and I decided at last that I must go +there.</p> + +<p>It was a very old farmhouse, long unused. The wall of rough, white stone +was decayed, and in places had crumbled away, and the roof of the wing, +the blind wall of which looked toward the railway, had perished, and was +patched here and there with tin. Through the gates there was a large +yard, overgrown with tall grass, and beyond that, an old house with +Venetian blinds in the windows, and a high roof, brown with rot. On +either side of the house, to right and left, were two symmetrical wings; +the windows of one were boarded up, while by the other, the windows of +which were open, there were a number of calves grazing. The last +telegraph-pole stood in the yard, and the wire went from it to the wing +with the blind wall. The door was open and I went in. By the table at +the telegraph was sitting a man with a dark, curly head in a canvas +coat; he glared at me sternly and askance, but he immediately smiled and +said:</p> + +<p>"How do you do, Profit?"</p> + +<p>It was Ivan Cheprakov, my school friend, who was expelled, when he was +in the second class, for smoking. Once, during the autumn, we were out +catching goldfinches, starlings, and hawfinches, to sell them in the +market early in the morning when our parents were still asleep.</p> + +<p>We beat up flocks of starlings and shot at them with pellets, and then +picked up the wounded, and some died in terrible agony—I can still +remember how they moaned at night in my case—and some recovered. And we +sold them, and swore black and blue that they were male birds. Once in +the market I had only one starling left, which I hawked about and +finally sold for a copeck. "A little profit!" I said to console myself, +and from that time at school I was always known as "Little Profit," and +even now, schoolboys and the townspeople sometimes use the name to tease +me, though no one but myself remembers how it came about.</p> + +<p>Cheprakov never was strong. He was narrow-chested, round-shouldered, +long-legged. His tie looked like a piece of string, he had no waistcoat, +and his boots were worse than mine—with the heels worn down. He blinked +with his eyes and had an eager expression as though he were trying to +catch something and he was in a constant fidget.</p> + +<p>"You wait," he said, bustling about. "Look here!... What was I saying +just now?"</p> + +<p>We began to talk. I discovered that the estate had till recently +belonged to the Cheprakovs and only the previous autumn had passed to +Dolyhikov, who thought it more profitable to keep his money in land than +in shares, and had already bought three big estates in our district with +the transfer of all mortgages. When Cheprakov's mother sold, she +stipulated for the right to live in one of the wings for another two +years and got her son a job in the office.</p> + +<p>"Why shouldn't he buy?" said Cheprakov of the engineer. "He gets a lot +from the contractors. He bribes them all."</p> + +<p>Then he took me to dinner, deciding in his emphatic way that I was to +live with him in the wing and board with his mother.</p> + +<p>"She is a screw," he said, "but she will not take much from you."</p> + +<p>In the small rooms where his mother lived there was a queer jumble; even +the hall and the passage were stacked with furniture, which had been +taken from the house after the sale of the estate; and the furniture was +old, and of redwood. Mrs. Cheprakov, a very stout elderly lady, with +slanting, Chinese eyes, sat by the window, in a big chair, knitting a +stocking. She received me ceremoniously.</p> + +<p>"It is Pologniev, mother," said Cheprakov, introducing me. "He is going +to work here."</p> + +<p>"Are you a nobleman?" she asked in a strange, unpleasant voice as though +she had boiling fat in her throat.</p> + +<p>"Yes," I answered.</p> + +<p>"Sit down."</p> + +<p>The dinner was bad. It consisted only of a pie with unsweetened curds +and some milk soup. Elena Nikifirovna, my hostess, was perpetually +winking, first with one eye, then with the other. She talked and ate, +but in her whole aspect there was a deathlike quality, and one could +almost detect the smell of a corpse. Life hardly stirred in her, yet she +had the air of being the lady of the manor, who had once had her serfs, +and was the wife of a general, whose servants had to call him "Your +Excellency," and when these miserable embers of life flared up in her +for a moment, she would say to her son:</p> + +<p>"Ivan, that is not the way to hold your knife!"</p> + +<p>Or she would say, gasping for breath, with the preciseness of a hostess +labouring to entertain her guest:</p> + +<p>"We have just sold our estate, you know. It is a pity, of course, we +have got so used to being here, but Dolyhikov promised to make Ivan +station-master at Dubechnia, so that we shan't have to leave. We shall +live here on the station, which is the same as living on the estate. The +engineer is such a nice man! Don't you think him very handsome?"</p> + +<p>Until recently the Cheprakovs had been very well-to-do, but with the +general's death everything changed. Elena Nikifirovna began to quarrel +with the neighbours and to go to law, and she did not pay her bailiffs +and labourers; she was always afraid of being robbed—and in less than +ten years Dubechnia changed completely.</p> + +<p>Behind the house there was an old garden run wild, overgrown with tall +grass and brushwood. I walked along the terrace which was still +well-kept and beautiful; through the glass door I saw a room with a +parquet floor, which must have been the drawing-room. It contained an +ancient piano, some engravings in mahogany frames on the walls—and +nothing else. There was nothing left of the flower-garden but peonies +and poppies, rearing their white and scarlet heads above the ground; on +the paths, all huddled together, were young maples and elm-trees, which +had been stripped by the cows. The growth was dense and the garden +seemed impassable, and only near the house, where there still stood +poplars, firs, and some old bricks, were there traces of the former +avenues, and further on the garden was being cleared for a hay-field, +and here it was no longer allowed to run wild, and one's mouth and eyes +were no longer filled with spiders' webs, and a pleasant air was +stirring. The further out one went, the more open it was, and there were +cherry-trees, plum-trees, wide-spreading old apple-trees, lichened and +held up with props, and the pear-trees were so tall that it was +incredible that there could be pears on them. This part of the garden +was let to the market-women of our town, and it was guarded from thieves +and starlings by a peasant—an idiot who lived in a hut.</p> + +<p>The orchard grew thinner and became a mere meadow running down to the +river, which was overgrown with reeds and withy-beds. There was a pool +by the mill-dam, deep and full of fish, and a little mill with a straw +roof ground and roared, and the frogs croaked furiously. On the water, +which was as smooth as glass, circles appeared from time to time, and +water-lilies trembled on the impact of a darting fish. The village of +Dubechnia was on the other side of the river. The calm, azure pool was +alluring with its promise of coolness and rest. And now all this, the +pool, the mill, the comfortable banks of the river, belonged to the +engineer!</p> + +<p>And here my new work began. I received and despatched telegrams, I wrote +out various accounts and copied orders, claims, and reports, sent in to +the office by our illiterate foremen and mechanics. But most of the day +I did nothing, walking up and down the room waiting for telegrams, or I +would tell the boy to stay in the wing, and go into the garden until the +boy came to say the bell was ringing. I had dinner with Mrs. Cheprakov. +Meat was served very rarely; most of the dishes were made of milk, and +on Wednesdays and Fridays we had Lenten fare, and the food was served in +pink plates, which were called Lenten. Mrs. Cheprakov was always +blinking—the habit grew on her, and I felt awkward and embarrassed in +her presence.</p> + +<p>As there was not enough work for one, Cheprakov did nothing, but slept +or went down to the pool with his gun to shoot ducks. In the evenings he +got drunk in the village, or at the station, and before going to bed he +would look in the glass and say:</p> + +<p>"How are you, Ivan Cheprakov?"</p> + +<p>When he was drunk, he was very pale and used to rub his hands and +laugh, or rather neigh, He-he-he! Out of bravado he would undress +himself and run naked through the fields, and he used to eat flies and +say they were a bit sour.</p> + + +<p class="rome">IV</p> + +<p>Once after dinner he came running into the wing, panting, to say:</p> + +<p>"Your sister has come to see you."</p> + +<p>I went out and saw a fly standing by the steps of the house. My sister +had brought Aniuta Blagovo and a military gentleman in a summer uniform. +As I approached I recognised the military gentleman as Aniuta's brother, +the doctor.</p> + +<p>"We've come to take you for a picnic," he said, "if you've no +objection."</p> + +<p>My sister and Aniuta wanted to ask how I was getting on, but they were +both silent and only looked at me. They felt that I didn't like my job, +and tears came into my sister's eyes and Aniuta Blagovo blushed. We went +into the orchard, the doctor first, and he said ecstatically:</p> + +<p>"What air! By Jove, what air!"</p> + +<p>He was just a boy to look at. He talked and walked like an +undergraduate, and the look in his grey eyes was as lively, simple, and +frank as that of a nice boy. Compared with his tall, handsome sister he +looked weak and slight, and his little beard was thin and so was his +voice—a thin tenor, though quite pleasant. He was away somewhere with +his regiment and had come home on leave, and said that he was going to +Petersburg in the autumn to take his M.D. He already had a family—a +wife and three children; he had married young, in his second year at the +University, and people said he was unhappily married and was not living +with his wife.</p> + +<p>"What is the time?" My sister was uneasy. "We must go back soon, for my +father would only let me have until six o'clock."</p> + +<p>"Oh, your father," sighed the doctor.</p> + +<p>I made tea, and we drank it sitting on a carpet in front of the terrace, +and the doctor, kneeling, drank from his saucer, and said that he was +perfectly happy. Then Cheprakov fetched the key and unlocked the glass +door and we all entered the house. It was dark and mysterious and +smelled of mushrooms, and our footsteps made a hollow sound as though +there were a vault under the floor. The doctor stopped by the piano and +touched the keys and it gave out a faint, tremulous, cracked but still +melodious sound. He raised his voice and began to sing a romance, +frowning and impatiently stamping his foot when he touched a broken key. +My sister forgot about going home, but walked agitatedly up and down the +room and said:</p> + +<p>"I am happy! I am very, very happy!"</p> + +<p>There was a note of surprise in her voice as though it seemed impossible +to her that she should be happy. It was the first time in my life that +I had seen her so gay. She even looked handsome. Her profile was not +good, her nose and mouth somehow protruded and made her look as if she +was always blowing, but she had beautiful, dark eyes, a pale, very +delicate complexion, and a touching expression of kindness and sadness, +and when she spoke she seemed very charming and even beautiful. Both she +and I took after our mother; we were broad-shouldered, strong, and +sturdy, but her paleness was a sign of sickness, she often coughed, and +in her eyes I often noticed the expression common to people who are ill, +but who for some reason conceal it. In her present cheerfulness there +was something childish and naïve, as though all the joy which had been +suppressed and dulled during our childhood by a strict upbringing, had +suddenly awakened in her soul and rushed out into freedom.</p> + +<p>But when evening came and the fly was brought round, my sister became +very quiet and subdued, and sat in the fly as though it were a +prison-van.</p> + +<p>Soon they were all gone. The noise of the fly died away.... I remembered +that Aniuta Blagovo had said not a single word to me all day.</p> + +<p>"A wonderful girl!" I thought "A wonderful girl."</p> + +<p>Lent came and every day we had Lenten dishes. I was greatly depressed by +my idleness and the uncertainty of my position, and, slothful, hungry, +dissatisfied with myself, I wandered over the estate and only waited for +an energetic mood to leave the place.</p> + +<p>Once in the afternoon when Radish was sitting in our wing, Dolyhikov +entered unexpectedly, very sunburnt, and grey with dust. He had been out +on the line for three days and had come to Dubechnia on a locomotive and +walked over. While he waited for the carriage which he had ordered to +come out to meet him he went over the estate with his bailiff, giving +orders in a loud voice, and then for a whole hour he sat in our wing and +wrote letters. When telegrams came through for him, he himself tapped +out the answers, while we stood there stiff and silent.</p> + +<p>"What a mess!" he said, looking angrily through the accounts. "I shall +transfer the office to the station in a fortnight and I don't know what +I shall do with you then."</p> + +<p>"I've done my best, sir," said Cheprakov.</p> + +<p>"Quite so. I can see what your best is. You can only draw your wages." +The engineer looked at me and went on. "You rely on getting +introductions to make a career for yourself with as little trouble as +possible. Well, I don't care about introductions. Nobody helped me. +Before I had this line, I was an engine-driver. I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. And what are you doing here, Panteley?" he +asked, turning to Radish. "Going out drinking?"</p> + +<p>For some reason or other he called all simple people Panteley, while he +despised men like Cheprakov and myself, and called us drunkards, beasts, +canaille. As a rule he was hard on petty officials, and paid and +dismissed them ruthlessly without any explanation.</p> + +<p>At last the carriage came for him. When he left he promised to dismiss +us all in a fortnight; called the bailiff a fool, stretched himself out +comfortably in the carriage, and drove away.</p> + +<p>"Andrey Ivanich," I said to Radish, "will you take me on as a labourer?"</p> + +<p>"What! Why?"</p> + +<p>We went together toward the town, and when the station and the farm were +far behind us, I asked:</p> + +<p>"Andrey Ivanich, why did you come to Dubechnia?"</p> + +<p>"Firstly because some of my men are working on the line, and secondly to +pay interest to Mrs. Cheprakov. I borrowed fifty roubles from her last +summer, and now I pay her one rouble a month."</p> + +<p>The decorator stopped and took hold of my coat.</p> + +<p>"Misail Alereich, my friend," he went on, "I take it that if a common +man or a gentleman takes interest, he is a wrong-doer. The truth is not +in him."</p> + +<p>Radish, looking thin, pale, and rather terrible, shut his eyes, shook +his head, and muttered in a philosophic tone:</p> + +<p>"The grub eats grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul. God save us +miserable sinners!"</p> + + +<p class="rome">V</p> + +<p>Radish was unpractical and he was no business man; he undertook more +work than he could do, and when he came to payment he always lost his +reckoning and so was always out on the wrong side. He was a painter, a +glazier, a paper-hanger, and would even take on tiling, and I remember +how he used to run about for days looking for tiles to make an +insignificant profit. He was an excellent workman and would sometimes +earn ten roubles a day, and but for his desire to be a master and to +call himself a contractor, he would probably have made quite a lot of +money.</p> + +<p>He himself was paid by contract and paid me and the others by the day, +between seventy-five copecks and a rouble per day. When the weather was +hot and dry he did various outside jobs, chiefly painting roofs. Not +being used to it, my feet got hot, as though I were walking over a +red-hot oven, and when I wore felt boots my feet swelled. But this was +only at the beginning. Later on I got used to it and everything went all +right. I lived among the people, to whom work was obligatory and +unavoidable, people who worked like dray-horses, and knew nothing of the +moral value of labour, and never even used the word "labour" in their +talk. Among them I also felt like a dray-horse, more and more imbued +with the necessity and inevitability of what I was doing, and this made +my life easier, and saved me from doubt.</p> + +<p>At first everything amused me, everything was new. It was like being +born again. I could sleep on the ground and go barefoot—and found it +exceedingly pleasant. I could stand in a crowd of simple folks, without +embarrassing them, and when a cab-horse fell down in the street, I used +to run and help it up without being afraid of soiling my clothes. But, +best of all, I was living independently and was not a burden on any one.</p> + +<p>The painting of roofs, especially when we mixed our own paint, was +considered a very profitable business, and, therefore, even such good +workmen as Radish did not shun this rough and tiresome work. In short +trousers, showing his lean, muscular legs, he used to prowl over the +roof like a stork, and I used to hear him sigh wearily as he worked his +brush:</p> + +<p>"Woe, woe to us, miserable sinners!"</p> + +<p>He could walk as easily on a roof as on the ground. In spite of his +looking so ill and pale and corpse-like, his agility was extraordinary; +like any young man he would paint the cupola and the top of the church +without scaffolding, using only ladders and a rope, and it was queer and +strange when, standing there, far above the ground, he would rise to his +full height and cry to the world at large:</p> + +<p>"Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul!"</p> + +<p>Or, thinking of something, he would suddenly answer his own thought:</p> + +<p>"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!"</p> + +<p>When I went home from work all the people sitting outside their doors, +the shop assistants, dogs, and their masters, used to shout after me and +jeer spitefully, and at first it seemed monstrous and distressed me +greatly.</p> + +<p>"Little Profit," they used to shout. "House-painter! Yellow ochre!"</p> + +<p>And no one treated me so unmercifully as those who had only just risen +above the people and had quite recently had to work for their living. +Once in the market-place as I passed the ironmonger's a can of water was +spilled over me as if by accident, and once a stick was thrown at me. +And once a fishmonger, a grey-haired old man, stood in my way and looked +at me morosely and said:</p> + +<p>"It isn't you I'm sorry for, you fool, it's your father."</p> + +<p>And when my acquaintances met me they got confused. Some regarded me as +a queer fish and a fool, and they were sorry for me; others did not know +how to treat me and it was difficult to understand them. Once, in the +daytime, in one of the streets off Great Gentry Street, I met Aniuta +Blagovo. I was on my way to my work and was carrying two long brushes +and a pot of paint. When she recognised me, Aniuta blushed.</p> + +<p>"Please do not acknowledge me in the street," she said nervously, +sternly, in a trembling voice, without offering to shake hands with me, +and tears suddenly gleamed in her eyes. "If you must be like this, then, +so—so be it, but please avoid me in public!"</p> + +<p>I had left Great Gentry Street and was living in a suburb called +Makarikha with my nurse Karpovna, a good-natured but gloomy old woman +who was always looking for evil, and was frightened by her dreams, and +saw omens and ill in the bees and wasps which flew into her room. And in +her opinion my having become a working man boded no good.</p> + +<p>"You are lost!" she said mournfully, shaking her head. "Lost!"</p> + +<p>With her in her little house lived her adopted son, Prokofyi, a butcher, +a huge, clumsy fellow, of about thirty, with ginger hair and scrubby +moustache. When he met me in the hall, he would silently and +respectfully make way for me, and when he was drunk he would salute me +with his whole hand. In the evenings he used to have supper, and through +the wooden partition I could hear him snorting and snuffling as he drank +glass after glass.</p> + +<p>"Mother," he would say in an undertone.</p> + +<p>"Well," Karpovna would reply. She was passionately fond of him. "What is +it, my son?"</p> + +<p>"I'll do you a favour, mother. I'll feed you in your old age in this +vale of tears, and when you die I'll bury you at my own expense. So I +say and so I'll do."</p> + +<p>I used to get up every day before sunrise and go to bed early. We +painters ate heavily and slept soundly, and only during the night would +we have any excitement. I never quarrelled with my comrades. All day +long there was a ceaseless stream of abuse, cursing and hearty good +wishes, as, for instance, that one's eyes should burst, or that one +might be carried off by cholera, but, all the same, among ourselves we +were very friendly. The men suspected me of being a religious crank and +used to laugh at me good-naturedly, saying that even my own father +denounced me, and they used to say that they very seldom went to church +and that many of them had not been to confession for ten years, and they +justified their laxness by saying that a decorator is among men like a +jackdaw among birds.</p> + +<p>My mates respected me and regarded me with esteem; they evidently liked +my not drinking or smoking, and leading a quiet, steady life. They were +only rather disagreeably surprised at my not stealing the oil, or going +with them to ask our employers for a drink. The stealing of the +employers' oil and paint was a custom with house-painters, and was not +regarded as theft, and it was remarkable that even so honest a man as +Radish would always come away from work with some white lead and oil. +And even respectable old men who had their own houses in Makarikha were +not ashamed to ask for tips, and when the men, at the beginning or end +of a job, made up to some vulgar fool and thanked him humbly for a few +pence, I used to feel sick and sorry.</p> + +<p>With the customers they behaved like sly courtiers, and almost every day +I was reminded of Shakespeare's Polonius.</p> + +<p>"There will probably be rain," a customer would say, staring at the sky.</p> + +<p>"It is sure to rain," the painters would agree.</p> + +<p>"But the clouds aren't rain-clouds. Perhaps it won't rain."</p> + +<p>"No, sir. It won't rain. It won't rain, sure."</p> + +<p>Behind their backs they generally regarded the customers ironically, and +when, for instance, they saw a gentleman sitting on his balcony with a +newspaper, they would say:</p> + +<p>"He reads newspapers, but he has nothing to eat."</p> + +<p>I never visited my people. When I returned from work I often found +short, disturbing notes from my sister about my father; how he was very +absent-minded at dinner, and then slipped away and locked himself in his +study and did not come out for a long time. Such news upset me. I could +not sleep, and I would go sometimes at night and walk along Great Gentry +Street by our house, and look up at the dark windows, and try to guess +if all was well within. On Sundays my sister would come to see me, but +by stealth, as though she came not to see me, but my nurse. And if she +came into my room she would look pale, with her eyes red, and at once +she would begin to weep.</p> + +<p>"Father cannot bear it much longer," she would say. "If, as God forbid, +something were to happen to him, it would be on your conscience all your +life. It is awful, Misail! For mother's sake I implore you to mend your +ways."</p> + +<p>"My dear sister," I replied. "How can I reform when I am convinced that +I am acting according to my conscience? Do try to understand me!"</p> + +<p>"I know you are obeying your conscience, but it ought to be possible to +do so without hurting anybody."</p> + +<p>"Oh, saints above!" the old woman would sigh behind the door. "You are +lost. There will be a misfortune, my dear. It is bound to come."</p> + + +<p class="rome">VI</p> + +<p>On Sunday, Doctor Blagovo came to see me unexpectedly. He was wearing a +white summer uniform over a silk shirt, and high glacé boots.</p> + +<p>"I came to see you!" he began, gripping my hand in his hearty, +undergraduate fashion. "I hear of you every day and I have long intended +to go and see you to have a heart-to-heart, as they say. Things are +awfully boring in the town; there is not a living soul worth talking to. +How hot it is, by Jove!" he went on, taking off his tunic and standing +in his silk shirt. "My dear fellow, let us have a talk."</p> + +<p>I was feeling bored and longing for other society than that of the +decorators. I was really glad to see him.</p> + +<p>"To begin with," he said, sitting on my bed, "I sympathise with you +heartily, and I have a profound respect for your present way of living. +In the town you are misunderstood and there is nobody to understand you, +because, as you know, it is full of Gogolian pig-faces. But I guessed +what you were at the picnic. You are a noble soul, an honest, +high-minded man! I respect you and think it an honour to shake hands +with you. To change your life so abruptly and suddenly as you did, you +must have passed through a most trying spiritual process, and to go on +with it now, to live scrupulously by your convictions, you must have to +toil incessantly both in mind and in heart. Now, please tell me, don't +you think that if you spent all this force of will, intensity, and power +on something else, like trying to be a great scholar or an artist, that +your life would be both wider and deeper, and altogether more +productive?"</p> + +<p>We talked and when we came to speak of physical labour, I expressed this +idea: that it was necessary that the strong should not enslave the weak, +and that the minority should not be a parasite on the majority, always +sucking up the finest sap, <i>i. e.</i>, it was necessary that all without +exception—the strong and the weak, the rich and the poor—should share +equally in the struggle for existence, every man for himself, and in +that respect there was no better means of levelling than physical labour +and compulsory service for all.</p> + +<p>"You think, then," said the doctor, "that all, without, exception, +should be employed in physical labour?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"But don't you think that if everybody, including the best people, +thinkers and men of science, were to take part in the struggle for +existence, each man for himself, and took to breaking stones and +painting roofs, it would be a serious menace to progress?"</p> + +<p>"Where is the danger?" I asked. "Progress consists in deeds of love, in +the fulfilment of the moral law. If you enslave no one, and are a burden +upon no one, what further progress do you want?"</p> + +<p>"But look here!" said Blagovo, suddenly losing his temper and getting +up. "I say! If a snail in its shell is engaged in self-perfection in +obedience to the moral law—would you call that progress?"</p> + +<p>"But why?" I was nettled. "If you make your neighbours feed you, clothe +you, carry you, defend you from your enemies, their life is built up on +slavery, and that is not progress. My view is that that is the most real +and, perhaps, the only possible, the only progress necessary."</p> + +<p>"The limits of universal progress, which is common to all men, are in +infinity, and it seems to me strange to talk of a 'possible' progress +limited by our needs and temporal conceptions."</p> + +<p>"If the limits of peoples are in infinity, as you say, then it means +that its goal is indefinite," I said. "Think of living without knowing +definitely what for!"</p> + +<p>"Why not? Your 'not knowing' is not so boring as your 'knowing.' I am +walking up a ladder which is called progress, civilisation, culture. I +go on and on, not knowing definitely where I am going to, but surely it +is worth while living for the sake of the wonderful ladder alone. And +you know exactly what you are living for—that some should not enslave +others, that the artist and the man who mixes his colours for him should +dine together. But that is the bourgeois, kitchen side of life, and +isn't it disgusting only to live for that? If some insects devour +others, devil take them, let them! We need not think of them, they will +perish and rot, however you save them from slavery—we must think of +that great Cross which awaits all mankind in the distant future."</p> + +<p>Blagovo argued hotly with me, but it was noticeable that he was +disturbed by some outside thought.</p> + +<p>"Your sister is not coming," he said, consulting his watch. "Yesterday +she was at our house and said she was going to see you. You go on +talking about slavery, slavery," he went on, "but it is a special +question, and all these questions are solved by mankind gradually."</p> + +<p>We began to talk of evolution. I said that every man decides the +question of good and evil for himself, and does not wait for mankind to +solve the question by virtue of gradual development. Besides, evolution +is a stick with two ends. Side by side with the gradual development of +humanitarian ideas, there is the gradual growth of ideas of a different +kind. Serfdom is past, and capitalism is growing. And with ideas of +liberation at their height the majority, just as in the days of Baty, +feeds, clothes, and defends the minority; and is left hungry, naked, and +defenceless. The state of things harmonises beautifully with all your +tendencies and movements, because the art of enslaving is also being +gradually developed. We no longer flog our servants in the stables, but +we give slavery more refined forms; at any rate, we are able to justify +it in each separate case. Ideas remain ideas with us, but if we could, +now, at the end of the nineteenth century, throw upon the working +classes all our most unpleasant physiological functions, we should do +so, and, of course, we should justify ourselves by saying that if the +best people, thinkers and great scholars, had to waste their time on +such functions, progress would be in serious jeopardy.</p> + +<p>Just then my sister entered. When she saw the doctor, she was flurried +and excited, and at once began to say that it was time for her to go +home to her father.</p> + +<p>"Cleopatra Alexeyevna," said Blagovo earnestly, laying his hands on his +heart, "what will happen to your father if you spend half an hour with +your brother and me?"</p> + +<p>He was a simple kind of man and could communicate his cheerfulness to +others. My sister thought for a minute and began to laugh, and suddenly +got very happy, suddenly, unexpectedly, just as she did at the picnic. +We went out into the fields and lay on the grass, and went on with our +conversation and looked at the town, where all the windows facing the +west looked golden in the setting sun.</p> + +<p>After that Blagovo appeared every time my sister came to see me, and +they always greeted each other as though their meeting was unexpected. +My sister used to listen while the doctor and I argued, and her face was +always joyful and rapturous, admiring and curious, and it seemed to me +that a new world was slowly being discovered before her eyes, a world +which she had not seen before even in her dreams, which now she was +trying to divine; when the doctor was not there she was quiet and sad, +and if, as she sat on my bed, she sometimes wept, it was for reasons of +which she did not speak.</p> + +<p>In August Radish gave us orders to go to the railway. A couple of days +before we were "driven" out of town, my father came to see me. He sat +down and, without looking at me, slowly wiped his red face, then took +out of his pocket our local paper and read out with deliberate emphasis +on each word that a schoolfellow of my own age, the son of the director +of the State Bank, had been appointed chief clerk of the Court of the +Exchequer.</p> + +<p>"And now, look at yourself," he said, folding up the newspaper. "You are +a beggar, a vagabond, a scoundrel! Even the bourgeoisie and other +peasants get education to make themselves decent people, while you, a +Pologniev, with famous, noble ancestors, go wallowing in the mire! But I +did not come here to talk to you. I have given you up already." He went +on in a choking voice, as he stood up: "I came here to find out where +your sister is, you scoundrel! She left me after dinner. It is now past +seven o'clock and she is not in. She has been going out lately without +telling me, and she has been disrespectful—and I see your filthy, +abominable influence at work. Where is she?"</p> + +<p>He had in his hands the familiar umbrella, and I was already taken +aback, and I stood stiff and erect, like a schoolboy, waiting for my +father to thrash me, but he saw the glance I cast at the umbrella and +this probably checked him.</p> + +<p>"Live as you like!" he said. "My blessing is gone from you."</p> + +<p>"Good God!" muttered my old nurse behind the door. "You are lost. Oh! my +heart feels some misfortune coming. I can feel it."</p> + +<p>I went to work on the railway. During the whole of August there was wind +and rain. It was damp and cold; the corn had now been gathered in the +fields, and on the big farms where the reaping was done with machines, +the wheat lay not in stacks, but in heaps; and I remember how those +melancholy heaps grew darker and darker every day, and the grain +sprouted. It was hard work; the pouring rain spoiled everything that we +succeeded in finishing. We were not allowed either to live or to sleep +in the station buildings and had to take shelter in dirty, damp, mud +huts where the "railies" had lived during the summer, and at night I +could not sleep from the cold and the bugs crawling over my face and +hands. And when we were working near the bridges, then the "railies" +used to come out in a crowd to fight the painters—which they regarded +as sport. They used to thrash us, steal our trousers, and to infuriate +us and provoke us to a fight; they used to spoil our work, as when they +smeared the signal-boxes with green paint. To add to all our miseries +Radish began to pay us very irregularly. All the painting on the line +was given to one contractor, who subcontracted with another, and he +again with Radish, stipulating for twenty per cent commission. The job +itself was unprofitable; then came the rains; time was wasted; we did no +work and Radish had to pay his men every day. The starving painters +nearly came to blows with him, called him a swindler, a bloodsucker, a +Judas, and he, poor man, sighed and in despair raised his hands to the +heavens and was continually going to Mrs. Cheprakov to borrow money.</p> + + +<p class="rome">VII</p> + +<p>Came the rainy, muddy, dark autumn, bringing a slack time, and I used to +sit at home three days in the week without work, or did various jobs +outside painting; such as digging earth for ballast for twenty copecks a +day. Doctor Blagovo had gone to Petersburg. My sister did not come to +see me. Radish lay at home ill, expecting to die every day.</p> + +<p>And my mood was also autumnal; perhaps because when I became a working +man I saw only the seamy side of the life of our town, and every day +made fresh discoveries which brought me to despair. My fellow townsmen, +both those of whom I had had a low opinion before, and those whom I had +thought fairly decent, now seemed to me base, cruel, and up to any dirty +trick. We poor people were tricked and cheated in the accounts, kept +waiting for hours in cold passages or in the kitchen, and we were +insulted and uncivilly treated. In the autumn I had to paper the library +and two rooms at the club. I was paid seven copecks a piece, but was +told to give a receipt for twelve copecks, and when I refused to do it, +a respectable gentleman in gold spectacles, one of the stewards of the +club, said to me:</p> + +<p>"If you say another word, you scoundrel, I'll knock you down."</p> + +<p>And when a servant whispered to him that I was the son of Pologniev, +the architect, then I got flustered and blushed, but he recovered +himself at once and said:</p> + +<p>"Damn him."</p> + +<p>In the shops we working men were sold bad meat, musty flour, and coarse +tea. In church we were jostled by the police, and in the hospitals we +were mulcted by the assistants and nurses, and if we could not give them +bribes through poverty, we were given food in dirty dishes. In the +post-office the lowest official considered it his duty to treat us as +animals and to shout rudely and insolently: "Wait! Don't you come +pushing your way in here!" Even the dogs, even they were hostile to us +and hurled themselves at us with a peculiar malignancy. But what struck +me most of all in my new position was the entire lack of justice, what +the people call "forgetting God." Rarely a day went by without some +swindle. The shopkeeper, who sold us oil, the contractor, the workmen, +the customers themselves, all cheated. It was an understood thing that +our rights were never considered, and we always had to pay for the money +we had earned, going with our hats off to the back door.</p> + +<p>I was paper-hanging in one of the club-rooms, next the library, when, +one evening as I was on the point of leaving, Dolyhikov's daughter came +into the room carrying a bundle of books.</p> + +<p>I bowed to her.</p> + +<p>"Ah! How are you?" she said, recognising me at once and holding out her +hand. "I am very glad to see you."</p> + +<p>She smiled and looked with a curious puzzled expression at my blouse and +the pail of paste and the papers lying on the floor; I was embarrassed +and she also felt awkward.</p> + +<p>"Excuse my staring at you," she said. "I have heard so much about you. +Especially from Doctor Blagovo. He is enthusiastic about you. I have met +your sister; she is a dear, sympathetic girl, but I could not make her +see that there is nothing awful in your simple life. On the contrary, +you are the most interesting man in the town."</p> + +<p>Once more she glanced at the pail of paste and the paper and said:</p> + +<p>"I asked Doctor Blagovo to bring us together, but he either forgot or +had no time. However, we have met now. I should be very pleased if you +would call on me. I do so want to have a talk. I am a simple person," +she said, holding out her hand, "and I hope you will come and see me +without ceremony. My father is away, in Petersburg."</p> + +<p>She went into the reading-room, with her dress rustling, and for a long +time after I got home I could not sleep.</p> + +<p>During that autumn some kind soul, wishing to relieve my existence, sent +me from time to time presents of tea and lemons, or biscuits, or roast +pigeons. Karpovna said the presents were brought by a soldier, though +from whom she did not know; and the soldier used to ask if I was well, +if I had dinner every day, and if I had warm clothes. When the frost +began the soldier came while I was out and brought a soft knitted scarf, +which gave out a soft, hardly perceptible scent, and I guessed who my +good fairy had been. For the scarf smelled of lily-of-the-valley, Aniuta +Blagovo's favourite scent.</p> + +<p>Toward winter there was more work and things became more cheerful. +Radish came to life again and we worked together in the cemetery church, +where we scraped the holy shrine for gilding. It was a clean, quiet, +and, as our mates said, a specially good job. We could do a great deal +in one day, and so time passed quickly, imperceptibly. There was no +swearing, nor laughing, nor loud altercations. The place compelled quiet +and decency, and disposed one for tranquil, serious thoughts. Absorbed +in our work, we stood or sat immovably, like statues; there was a dead +silence, very proper to a cemetery, so that if a tool fell down, or the +oil in the lamp spluttered, the sound would be loud and startling, and +we would turn to see what it was. After a long silence one could hear a +humming like that of a swarm of bees; in the porch, in an undertone, the +funeral service was being read over a dead baby; or a painter painting a +moon surrounded with stars on the cupola would begin to whistle quietly, +and remembering suddenly that he was in a church, would stop; or Radish +would sigh at his own thoughts: "Anything may happen! Anything may +happen!" or above our heads there would be the slow, mournful tolling of +a bell, and the painters would say it must be a rich man being brought +to the church....</p> + +<p>The days I spent in the peace of the little church, and during the +evenings I played billiards, or went to the gallery of the theatre in +the new serge suit I had bought with my own hard-earned money. They were +already beginning plays and concerts at the Azhoguins', and Radish did +the scenery by himself. He told me about the plays and tableaux vivants +at the Azhoguins', and I listened to him enviously. I had a great +longing to take part in the rehearsals, but I dared not go to the +Azhoguins'.</p> + +<p>A week before Christmas Doctor Blagovo arrived, and we resumed our +arguments and played billiards in the evenings. When he played billiards +he used to take off his coat, and unfasten his shirt at the neck, and +generally try to look like a debauchee. He drank a little, but rowdily, +and managed to spend in a cheap tavern like the Volga as much as twenty +roubles in an evening.</p> + +<p>Once more my sister came to see me, and when they met they expressed +surprise, but I could see by her happy, guilty face that these meetings +were not accidental. One evening when we were playing billiards the +doctor said to me:</p> + +<p>"I say, why don't you call on Miss Dolyhikov? You don't know Maria +Victorovna. She is a clever, charming, simple creature."</p> + +<p>I told him how the engineer had received me in the spring.</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" laughed the doctor. "The engineer is one thing and she is +another. Really, my good fellow, you mustn't offend her. Go and see her +some time. Let us go to-morrow evening. Will you?"</p> + +<p>He persuaded me. Next evening I donned my serge suit and with some +perturbation set out to call on Miss Dolyhikov. The footman did not seem +to me so haughty and formidable, or the furniture so oppressive, as on +the morning when I had come to ask for work. Maria Victorovna was +expecting me and greeted me as an old friend and gave my hand a warm, +friendly grip. She was wearing a grey dress with wide sleeves, and had +her hair done in the style which when it became the fashion a year later +in our town, was called "dog's ears." The hair was combed back over the +ears, and it made Maria Victorovna's face look broader, and she looked +very like her father, whose face was broad and red and rather like a +coachman's. She was handsome and elegant, but not young; about thirty to +judge by her appearance, though she was not more than twenty-five.</p> + +<p>"Dear doctor!" she said, making me sit down. "How grateful I am to him. +But for him, you would not have come. I am bored to death! My father has +gone and left me alone, and I do not know what to do with myself."</p> + +<p>Then she began to ask where I was working, how much I got, and where I +lived.</p> + +<p>"Do you only spend what you earn on yourself?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"You are a happy man," she replied. "All the evil in life, it seems to +me, comes from boredom and idleness, and spiritual emptiness, which are +inevitable when one lives at other people's expense. Don't think I'm +showing off. I mean it sincerely. It is dull and unpleasant to be rich. +Win friends by just riches, they say, because as a rule there is and can +be no such thing as just riches."</p> + +<p>She looked at the furniture with a serious, cold expression, as though +she was making an inventory of it, and went on:</p> + +<p>"Ease and comfort possess a magic power. Little by little they seduce +even strong-willed people. Father and I used to live poorly and simply, +and now you see how we live. Isn't it strange?" she said with a shrug. +"We spend twenty thousand roubles a year! In the provinces!"</p> + +<p>"Ease and comfort must not be regarded as the inevitable privilege of +capital and education," I said. "It seems to me possible to unite the +comforts of life with work, however hard and dirty it may be. Your +father is rich, but, as he says, he used to be a mechanic, and just a +lubricator."</p> + +<p>She smiled and shook her head thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>"Papa sometimes eats <i>tiurya</i>," she said, "but only out of caprice."</p> + +<p>A bell rang and she got up.</p> + +<p>"The rich and the educated ought to work like the rest," she went on, +"and if there is to be any comfort, it should be accessible to all. +There should be no privileges. However, that's enough philosophy. Tell +me something cheerful. Tell me about the painters. What are they like? +Funny?"</p> + +<p>The doctor came. I began to talk about the painters, but, being unused +to it, I felt awkward and talked solemnly and ponderously like an +ethnographist. The doctor also told a few stories about working people. +He rocked to and fro and cried, and fell on his knees, and when he was +depicting a drunkard, lay flat on the floor. It was as good as a play, +and Maria Victorovna laughed until she cried. Then he played the piano +and sang in his high-pitched tenor, and Maria Victorovna stood by him +and told him what to sing and corrected him when he made a mistake.</p> + +<p>"I hear you sing, too," said I.</p> + +<p>"Too?" cried the doctor. "She is a wonderful singer, an artist, and you +say—too! Careful, careful!"</p> + +<p>"I used to study seriously," she replied, "but I have given it up now."</p> + +<p>She sat on a low stool and told us about her life in Petersburg, and +imitated famous singers, mimicking their voices and mannerisms; then she +sketched the doctor and myself in her album, not very well, but both +were good likenesses. She laughed and made jokes and funny faces, and +this suited her better than talking about unjust riches, and it seemed +to me that what she had said about "riches and comfort" came not from +herself, but was just mimicry. She was an admirable comedian. I compared +her mentally with the girls of our town, and not even the beautiful, +serious Aniuta Blagovo could stand up against her; the difference was as +vast as that between a wild and a garden rose.</p> + +<p>We stayed to supper. The doctor and Maria Victorovna drank red wine, +champagne, and coffee with cognac; they touched glasses and drank to +friendship, to wit, to progress, to freedom, and never got drunk, but +went rather red and laughed for no reason until they cried. To avoid +being out of it I, too, drank red wine.</p> + +<p>"People with talent and with gifted natures," said Miss Dolyhikov, "know +how to live and go their own way; but ordinary people like myself know +nothing and can do nothing by themselves; there is nothing for them but +to find some deep social current and let themselves be borne along by +it."</p> + +<p>"Is it possible to find that which does not exist?" asked the doctor.</p> + +<p>"It doesn't exist because we don't see it."</p> + +<p>"Is that so? Social currents are the invention of modern literature. +They don't exist here."</p> + +<p>A discussion began.</p> + +<p>"We have no profound social movements; nor have we had them," said the +doctor. "Modern literature has invented a lot of things, and modern +literature invented intellectual working men in village life, but go +through all our villages and you will only find Mr. Cheeky Snout in a +jacket or black frock coat, who will make four mistakes in the word +'one.' Civilised life has not begun with us yet. We have the same +savagery, the same slavery, the same nullity as we had five hundred +years ago. Movements, currents—all that is so wretched and puerile +mixed up with such vulgar, catch-penny interests—and one cannot take it +seriously. You may think you have discovered a large social movement, +and you may follow it and devote your life in the modern fashion to such +problems as the liberation of vermin from slavery, or the abolition of +meat cutlets—and I congratulate you, madam. But we have to learn, +learn, learn, and there will be plenty of time for social movements; we +are not up to them yet, and upon my soul, we don't understand anything +at all about them."</p> + +<p>"You don't understand, but I do," said Maria Victorovna. "Good Heavens! +What a bore you are to-night."</p> + +<p>"It is our business to learn and learn, to try and accumulate as much +knowledge as possible, because serious social movements come where there +is knowledge, and the future happiness of mankind lies in science. +Here's to science!"</p> + +<p>"One thing is certain. Life must somehow be arranged differently," said +Maria Victorovna, after some silence and deep thought, "and life as it +has been up to now is worthless. Don't let us talk about it."</p> + +<p>When we left her the Cathedral clock struck two.</p> + +<p>"Did you like her?" asked the doctor. "Isn't she a dear girl?"</p> + +<p>We had dinner at Maria Victorovna's on Christmas Day, and then we went +to see her every day during the holidays. There was nobody besides +ourselves, and she was right when she said she had no friends in the +town but the doctor and me. We spent most of the time talking, and +sometimes the doctor would bring a book or a magazine and read aloud. +After all, he was the first cultivated man I had met. I could not tell +if he knew much, but he was always generous with his knowledge because +he wished others to know too. When he talked about medicine, he was not +like any of our local doctors, but he made a new and singular +impression, and it seemed to me that if he had wished he could have +become a genuine scientist. And perhaps he was the only person at that +time who had any real influence over me. Meeting him and reading the +books he gave me, I began gradually to feel a need for knowledge to +inspire the tedium of my work. It seemed strange to me that I had not +known before such things as that the whole world consisted of sixty +elements. I did not know what oil or paint was, and I could do without +knowing. My acquaintance with the doctor raised me morally too. I used +to argue with him, and though I usually stuck to my opinion, yet, +through him, I came gradually to perceive that everything was not clear +to me, and I tried to cultivate convictions as definite as possible so +that the promptings of my conscience should be precise and have nothing +vague about them. Nevertheless, educated and fine as he was, far and +away the best man in the town, he was by no means perfect. There was +something rather rude and priggish in his ways and in his trick of +dragging talk down to discussion, and when he took off his coat and sat +in his shirt and gave the footman a tip, it always seemed to me that +culture was just a part of him, with the rest untamed Tartar.</p> + +<p>After the holidays he left once more for Petersburg. He went in the +morning and after dinner my sister came to see me. Without taking off +her furs, she sat silent, very pale, staring in front of her. She began +to shiver and seemed to be fighting against some illness.</p> + +<p>"You must have caught a cold," I said.</p> + +<p>Her eyes filled with tears. She rose and went to Karpovna without a word +to me, as though I had offended her. And a little later I heard her +speaking in a tone of bitter reproach.</p> + +<p>"Nurse, what have I been living for, up to now? What for? Tell me; +haven't I wasted my youth? During the last years I have had nothing but +making up accounts, pouring out tea, counting the copecks, entertaining +guests, without a thought that there was anything better in the world! +Nurse, try to understand me, I too have human desires and I want to live +and they have made a housekeeper of me. It is awful, awful!"</p> + +<p>She flung her keys against the door and they fell with a clatter in my +room. They were the keys of the side-board, the larder, the cellar, and +the tea-chest—the keys my mother used to carry.</p> + +<p>"Oh! Oh! Saints above!" cried my old nurse in terror. "The blessed +saints!"</p> + +<p>When she left, my sister came into my room for her keys and said:</p> + +<p>"Forgive me. Something strange has been going on in me lately."</p> + + +<p class="rome">VIII</p> + +<p>One evening when I came home late from Maria Victorovna's I found a +young policeman in a new uniform in my room; he was sitting by the table +reading.</p> + +<p>"At last!" he said getting up and stretching himself. "This is the third +time I have been to see you. The governor has ordered you to go and see +him to-morrow at nine o'clock sharp. Don't be late."</p> + +<p>He made me give him a written promise to comply with his Excellency's +orders and went away. This policeman's visit and the unexpected +invitation to see the governor had a most depressing effect on me. From +my early childhood I have had a dread of gendarmes, police, legal +officials, and I was tormented with anxiety as though I had really +committed a crime and I could not sleep. Nurse and Prokofyi were also +upset and could not sleep. And, to make things worse, nurse had an +earache, and moaned and more than once screamed out. Hearing that I +could not sleep Prokofyi came quietly into my room with a little lamp +and sat by the table.</p> + +<p>"You should have a drop of pepper-brandy...." he said after some +thought. "In this vale of tears things go on all right when you take a +drop. And if mother had some pepper-brandy poured into her ear she would +be much better."</p> + +<p>About three he got ready to go to the slaughter-house to fetch some +meat. I knew I should not sleep until morning, and to use up the time +until nine, I went with him. We walked with a lantern, and his boy, +Nicolka, who was about thirteen, and had blue spots on his face and an +expression like a murderer's, drove behind us in a sledge, urging the +horse on with hoarse cries.</p> + +<p>"You will probably be punished at the governor's," said Prokofyi as we +walked. "There is a governor's rank, and an archimandrite's rank, and an +officer's rank, and a doctor's rank, and every profession has its own +rank. You don't keep to yours and they won't allow it."</p> + +<p>The slaughter-house stood behind the cemetery, and till then I had only +seen it at a distance. It consisted of three dark sheds surrounded by a +grey fence, from which, when the wind was in that direction in summer, +there came an overpowering stench. Now, as I entered the yard, I could +not see the sheds in the darkness; I groped through horses and sledges, +both empty and laden with meat; and there were men walking about with +lanterns and swearing disgustingly. Prokofyi and Nicolka swore as +filthily and there was a continuous hum from the swearing and coughing +and the neighing of the horses.</p> + +<p>The place smelled of corpses and offal, the snow was thawing and already +mixed with mud, and in the darkness it seemed to me that I was walking +through a pool of blood.</p> + +<p>When we had filled the sledge with meat, we went to the butcher's shop +in the market-place. Day was beginning to dawn. One after another the +cooks came with baskets and old women in mantles. With an axe in his +hand, wearing a white, blood-stained apron, Prokofyi swore terrifically +and crossed himself, turning toward the church, and shouted so loud that +he could be heard all over the market, avowing that he sold his meat at +cost price and even at a loss. He cheated in weighing and reckoning, the +cooks saw it, but, dazed by his shouting, they did not protest, but only +called him a gallows-bird.</p> + +<p>Raising and dropping his formidable axe, he assumed picturesque +attitudes and constantly uttered the sound "Hak!" with a furious +expression, and I was really afraid of his cutting off some one's head +or hand.</p> + +<p>I stayed in the butcher's shop the whole morning, and when at last I +went to the governor's my fur coat smelled of meat and blood. My state +of mind would have been appropriate for an encounter with a bear armed +with no more than a staff. I remember a long staircase with a striped +carpet, and a young official in a frock coat with shining buttons, who +silently indicated the door with both hands and went in to announce me. +I entered the hall, where the furniture was most luxurious, but cold and +tasteless, forming a most unpleasant impression—the tall, narrow +pier-glasses, and the bright, yellow hangings over the windows; one +could see that, though governors changed, the furniture remained the +same. The young official again pointed with both hands to the door and +went toward a large, green table, by which stood a general with the +Order of Vladimir at his neck.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Pologniev," he began, holding a letter in his hand and opening his +mouth wide so that it made a round O. "I asked you to come to say this +to you: 'Your esteemed father has applied verbally and in writing to the +provincial marshal of nobility, to have you summoned and made to see the +incongruity of your conduct with the title of nobleman which you have +the honour to bear. His Excellency Alexander Pavlovich, justly thinking +that your conduct may be subversive, and finding that persuasion may +not be sufficient, without serious intervention on the part of the +authorities, has given me his decision as to your case, and I agree with +him.'"</p> + +<p>He said this quietly, respectfully, standing erect as if I was his +superior, and his expression was not at all severe. He had a flabby, +tired face, covered with wrinkles, with pouches under his eyes; his hair +was dyed, and it was hard to guess his age from his appearance—fifty or +sixty.</p> + +<p>"I hope," he went on, "that you will appreciate Alexander Pavlovich's +delicacy in applying to me, not officially, but privately. I have +invited you unofficially not as a governor, but as a sincere admirer of +your father's. And I ask you to change your conduct and to return to the +duties proper to your rank, or, to avoid the evil effects of your +example, to go to some other place where you are not known and where you +may do what you like. Otherwise I shall have to resort to extreme +measures."</p> + +<p>For half a minute he stood in silence staring at me open-mouthed.</p> + +<p>"Are you a vegetarian?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"No, your Excellency, I eat meat."</p> + +<p>He sat down and took up a document, and I bowed and left.</p> + +<p>It was not worth while going to work before dinner. I went home and +tried to sleep, but could not because of the unpleasant, sickly feeling +from the slaughter-house and my conversation with the governor. And so +I dragged through till the evening and then, feeling gloomy and out of +sorts, I went to see Maria Victorovna. I told her about my visit to the +governor and she looked at me in bewilderment, as if she did not believe +me, and suddenly she began to laugh merrily, heartily, stridently, as +only good-natured, light-hearted people can.</p> + +<p>"If I were to tell this in Petersburg!" she cried, nearly dropping with +laughter, bending over the table. "If I could tell them in Petersburg!"</p> + + +<p class="rome">IX</p> + +<p>Now we saw each other often, sometimes twice a day. Almost every day, +after dinner, she drove up to the cemetery and, as she waited for me, +read the inscriptions on the crosses and monuments. Sometimes she came +into the church and stood by my side and watched me working. The +silence, the simple industry of the painters and gilders, Radish's good +sense, and the fact that outwardly I was no different from the other +artisans and worked as they did, in a waistcoat and old shoes, and that +they addressed me familiarly—were new to her, and she was moved by it +all. Once in her presence a painter who was working, at a door on the +roof, called down to me:</p> + +<p>"Misail, fetch me the white lead."</p> + +<p>I fetched him the white lead and as I came down the scaffolding she was +moved to tears and looked at me and smiled:</p> + +<p>"What a dear you are!" she said.</p> + +<p>I have always remembered how when I was a child a green parrot got out +of its cage in one of the rich people's houses and wandered about the +town for a whole month, flying from one garden to another, homeless and +lonely. And Maria Victorovna reminded me of the bird.</p> + +<p>"Except to the cemetery," she said with a laugh, "I have absolutely +nowhere to go. The town bores me to tears. People read, sing, and +twitter at the Azhoguins', but I cannot bear them lately. Your sister is +shy, Miss Blagovo for some reason hates me. I don't like the theatre. +What can I do with myself?"</p> + +<p>When I was at her house I smelled of paint and turpentine, and my hands +were stained. She liked that. She wanted me to come to her in my +ordinary working-clothes; but I felt awkward in them in her +drawing-room, and as if I were in uniform, and so I always wore my new +serge suit. She did not like that.</p> + +<p>"You must confess," she said once, "that you have not got used to your +new rôle. A working-man's suit makes you feel awkward and embarrassed. +Tell me, isn't it because you are not sure of yourself and are +unsatisfied? Does this work you have chosen, this painting of yours, +really satisfy you?" she asked merrily. "I know paint makes things look +nicer and wear better, but the things themselves belong to the rich and +after all they are a luxury. Besides you have said more than once that +everybody should earn his living with his own hands and you earn money, +not bread. Why don't you keep to the exact meaning of what you say? You +must earn bread, real bread, you must plough, sow, reap, thrash, or do +something which has to do directly with agriculture, such as keeping +cows, digging, or building houses...."</p> + +<p>She opened a handsome bookcase which stood by the writing-table and +said:</p> + +<p>"I'm telling you all this because I'm going to let you into my secret. +Voilà. This is my agricultural library. Here are books on arable land, +vegetable-gardens, orchard-keeping, cattle-keeping, bee-keeping: I read +them eagerly and have studied the theory of everything thoroughly. It is +my dream to go to Dubechnia as soon as March begins. It is wonderful +there, amazing; isn't it? The first year I shall only be learning the +work and getting used to it, and in the second year I shall begin to +work thoroughly, without sparing myself. My father promised to give me +Dubechnia as a present, and I am to do anything I like with it."</p> + +<p>She blushed and with mingled laughter and tears she dreamed aloud of her +life at Dubechnia and how absorbing it would be. And I envied her. March +would soon be here. The days were drawing out, and in the bright sunny +afternoons the snow dripped from the roofs, and the smell of spring was +in the air. I too longed for the country.</p> + +<p>And when she said she was going to live at Dubechnia, I saw at once that +I should be left alone in the town, and I felt jealous of the bookcase +with her books about farming. I knew and cared nothing about farming and +I was on the point of telling her that agriculture was work for slaves, +but I recollected that my father had once said something of the sort and +I held my peace.</p> + +<p>Lent began. The engineer, Victor Ivanich, came home from Petersburg. I +had begun to forget his existence. He came unexpectedly, not even +sending a telegram. When I went there as usual in the evening, he was +walking up and down the drawing-room, after a bath, with his hair cut, +looking ten years younger, and talking. His daughter was kneeling by his +trunks and taking out boxes, bottles, books, and handing them to Pavel +the footman. When I saw the engineer, I involuntarily stepped back and +he held out both his hands and smiled and showed his strong, white, +cab-driver's teeth.</p> + +<p>"Here he is! Here he is! I'm very pleased to see you, Mr. House-painter! +Maria told me all about you and sang your praises. I quite understand +you and heartily approve." He took me by the arm and went on: "It is +much cleverer and more honest to be a decent workman than to spoil State +paper and to wear a cockade. I myself worked with my hands in Belgium. I +was an engine-driver for five years...."</p> + +<p>He was wearing a short jacket and comfortable slippers, and he shuffled +along like a gouty man waving and rubbing his hands; humming and +buzzing and shrugging with pleasure at being at home again with his +favourite shower-bath.</p> + +<p>"There's no denying," he said at supper, "there's no denying that you +are kind, sympathetic people, but somehow as soon as you gentlefolk take +on manual labour or try to spare the peasants, you reduce it all to +sectarianism. You are a sectarian. You don't drink vodka. What is that +but sectarianism?"</p> + +<p>To please him I drank vodka. I drank wine, too. We ate cheese, sausages, +pastries, pickles, and all kinds of dainties that the engineer had +brought with him, and we sampled wines sent from abroad during his +absence. They were excellent. For some reason the engineer had wines and +cigars sent from abroad—duty free; somebody sent him caviare and +<i>baliki</i> gratis; he did not pay rent for his house because his landlord +supplied the railway with kerosene, and generally he and his daughter +gave me the impression of having all the best things in the world at +their service free of charge.</p> + +<p>I went on visiting them, but with less pleasure than before. The +engineer oppressed me and I felt cramped in his presence. I could not +endure his clear, innocent eyes; his opinions bored me and were +offensive to me, and I was distressed by the recollection that I had so +recently been subordinate to this ruddy, well-fed man, and that he had +been mercilessly rude to me. True he would put his arm round my waist +and clap me kindly on the shoulder and approve of my way of living, but +I felt that he despised my nullity just as much as before and only +suffered me to please his daughter, but I could no longer laugh and talk +easily, and I thought myself ill-mannered, and all the time was +expecting him to call me Panteley as he did his footman Pavel. How my +provincial, bourgeois pride rode up against him! I, a working man, a +painter, going every day to the house of rich strangers, whom the whole +town regarded as foreigners, and drinking their expensive wines and +outlandish dishes! I could not reconcile this with my conscience. When I +went to see them I sternly avoided those whom I met on the way, and +looked askance at them like a real sectarian, and when I left the +engineer's house I was ashamed of feeling so well-fed.</p> + +<p>But chiefly I was afraid of falling in love. Whether walking in the +street, or working, or talking to my mates, I thought all the time of +going to Maria Victorovna's in the evening, and always had her voice, +her laughter, her movements with me. And always as I got ready to go to +her, I would stand for a long time in front of the cracked mirror tying +my necktie; my serge suit seemed horrible to me, and I suffered, but at +the same time, despised myself for feeling so small. When she called to +me from another room to say that she was not dressed yet and to ask me +to wait a bit, and I could hear her dressing, I was agitated and felt as +though the floor was sinking under me. And when I saw a woman in the +street, even at a distance, I fell to comparing her figure with hers, +and it seemed to me that all our women and girls were vulgar, absurdly +dressed, and without manners; and such comparisons roused in me a +feeling of pride; Maria Victorovna was better than all of them. And at +night I dreamed of her and myself.</p> + +<p>Once at supper the engineer and I ate a whole lobster. When I reached +home I remember that the engineer had twice called me "my dear fellow," +and I thought that they treated me as they might have done a big, +unhappy dog, separated from his master, and that they were amusing +themselves with me, and that they would order me away like a dog when +they were bored with me. I began to feel ashamed and hurt; went to the +point of tears, as though I had been insulted, and, raising my eyes to +the heavens, I vowed to put an end to it all.</p> + +<p>Next day I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. Late at night, when it was +quite dark and pouring with rain, I walked up and down Great Gentry +Street, looking at the windows. At the Azhoguins' everybody was asleep +and the only light was in one of the top windows; old Mrs. Azhoguin was +sitting in her room embroidering by candle-light and imagining herself +to be fighting against prejudice. It was dark in our house and opposite, +at the Dolyhikovs' the windows were lit up, but it was impossible to see +anything through the flowers and curtains. I kept on walking up and +down the street; I was soaked through with the cold March rain. I heard +my father come home from the club; he knocked at the door; in a minute a +light appeared at a window and I saw my sister walking quickly with her +lamp and hurriedly arranging her thick hair. Then my father paced up and +down the drawing-room, talking and rubbing his hands, and my sister sat +still in a corner, lost in thought, not listening to him....</p> + +<p>But soon they left the room and the light was put out.... I looked at +the engineer's house and that too was now dark. In the darkness and the +rain I felt desperately lonely. Cast out at the mercy of Fate, and I +felt how, compared with my loneliness, and my suffering, actual and to +come, all my work and all my desires and all that I had hitherto thought +and read, were vain and futile. Alas! The activities and thoughts of +human beings are not nearly so important as their sorrows! And not +knowing exactly what I was doing I pulled with all my might at the bell +at the Dolyhikovs' gate, broke it, and ran away down the street like a +little boy, full of fear, thinking they would rush out at once and +recognise me. When I stopped to take breath at the end of the street, I +could hear nothing but the falling rain and far away a night-watchman +knocking on a sheet of iron.</p> + +<p>For a whole week I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. I sold my serge suit. +I had no work and I was once more half-starved, earning ten or twenty +copecks a day, when possible, by disagreeable work. Floundering +knee-deep in the mire, putting out all my strength, I tried to drown my +memories and to punish myself for all the cheeses and pickles to which I +had been treated at the engineer's. Still, no sooner did I go to bed, +wet and hungry, than my untamed imagination set to work to evolve +wonderful, alluring pictures, and to my amazement I confessed that I was +in love, passionately in love, and I fell sound asleep feeling that the +hard life had only made my body stronger and younger.</p> + +<p>One evening it began, most unseasonably, to snow, and the wind blew from +the north, exactly as if winter had begun again. When I got home from +work I found Maria Victorovna in my room. She was in her furs with her +hands in her muff.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you come to see me?" she asked, looking at me with her bright +sagacious eyes, and I was overcome with joy and stood stiffly in front +of her, just as I had done with my father when he was going to thrash +me; she looked straight into my face and I could see by her eyes that +she understood why I was overcome.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you come to see me?" she repeated. "You don't want to come? I +had to come to you."</p> + +<p>She got up and came close to me.</p> + +<p>"Don't leave me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "I am +lonely, utterly lonely."</p> + +<p>She began to cry and said, covering her face with her muff:</p> + +<p>"Alone! Life is hard, very hard, and in the whole world I have no one +but you. Don't leave me!"</p> + +<p>Looking for her handkerchief to dry her tears, she gave a smile; we were +silent for some time, then I embraced and kissed her, and the pin in her +hat scratched my face and drew blood.</p> + +<p>And we began to talk as though we had been dear to each other for a +long, long time.</p> + + +<p class="rome">X</p> + +<p>In a couple of days she sent me to Dubechnia and I was beyond words +delighted with it. As I walked to the station, and as I sat in the +train, I laughed for no reason and people thought me drunk. There were +snow and frost in the mornings still, but the roads were getting dark, +and there were rooks cawing above them.</p> + +<p>At first I thought of arranging the side wing opposite Mrs. Cheprakov's +for myself and Masha, but it appeared that doves and pigeons had taken +up their abode there and it would be impossible to cleanse it without +destroying a great number of nests. We would have to live willy-nilly in +the uncomfortable rooms with Venetian blinds in the big house. The +peasants called it a palace; there were more than twenty rooms in it, +and the only furniture was a piano and a child's chair, lying in the +attic, and even if Masha brought all her furniture from town we should +not succeed in removing the impression of frigid emptiness and coldness. +I chose three small rooms with windows looking on to the garden, and +from early morning till late at night I was at work in them, glazing the +windows, hanging paper, blocking up the chinks and holes in the floor. +It was an easy, pleasant job. Every now and then I would run to the +river to see if the ice was breaking and all the while I dreamed of the +starlings returning. And at night when I thought of Masha I would be +filled with an inexpressibly sweet feeling of an all-embracing joy to +listen to the rats and the wind rattling and knocking above the ceiling; +it was like an old hobgoblin coughing in the attic.</p> + +<p>The snow was deep; there was a heavy fall at the end of March, but it +thawed rapidly, as if by magic, and the spring floods rushed down so +that by the beginning of April the starlings were already chattering and +yellow butterflies fluttered in the garden. The weather was wonderful. +Every day toward evening I walked toward the town to meet Masha, and how +delightful it was to walk along the soft, drying road with bare feet! +Half-way I would sit down and look at the town, not daring to go nearer. +The sight of it upset me, I was always wondering how my acquaintances +would behave toward me when they heard of my love. What would my father +say? I was particularly worried by the idea that my life was becoming +more complicated, and that I had entirely lost control of it, and that +she was carrying me off like a balloon, God knows whither. I had already +given up thinking how to make a living, and I thought—indeed, I cannot +remember what I thought.</p> + +<p>Masha used to come in a carriage. I would take a seat beside her and +together, happy and free, we used to drive to Dubechnia. Or, having +waited till sunset, I would return home, weary and disconsolate, +wondering why Masha had not come, and then by the gate or in the garden +I would find my darling. She would come by the railway and walk over +from the station. What a triumph she had then! In her plain, woollen +dress, with a simple umbrella, but keeping a trim, fashionable figure +and expensive, Parisian boots—she was a gifted actress playing the +country girl. We used to go over the house, and plan out the rooms, and +the paths, and the vegetable-garden, and the beehives. We already had +chickens and ducks and geese which we loved because they were ours. We +had oats, clover, buckwheat, and vegetable seeds all ready for sowing, +and we used to examine them all and wonder what the crops would be like, +and everything Masha said to me seemed extraordinarily clever and fine. +This was the happiest time of my life.</p> + +<p>Soon after Easter we were married in the parish church in the village of +Kurilovka three miles from Dubechnia. Masha wanted everything to be +simple; by her wish our bridesmen were peasant boys, only one deacon +sang, and we returned from the church in a little, shaky cart which she +drove herself. My sister was the only guest from the town. Masha had +sent her a note a couple of days before the wedding. My sister wore a +white dress and white gloves.... During the ceremony she cried softly +for joy and emotion, and her face had a maternal expression of infinite +goodness. She was intoxicated with our happiness and smiled as though +she were breathing a sweet perfume, and when I looked at her I +understood that there was nothing in the world higher in her eyes than +love, earthly love, and that she was always dreaming of love, secretly, +timidly, yet passionately. She embraced Masha and kissed her, and, not +knowing how to express her ecstasy, she said to her of me:</p> + +<p>"He is a good man! A very good man."</p> + +<p>Before she left us, she put on her ordinary clothes, and took me into +the garden to have a quiet talk.</p> + +<p>"Father is very hurt that you have not written to him," she said. "You +should have asked for his blessing. But, at heart, he is very pleased. +He says that this marriage will raise you in the eyes of society, and +that under Maria Victorovna's influence you will begin to adopt a more +serious attitude toward life. In the evening now we talk about nothing +but you; and yesterday he even said, 'our Misail.' I was delighted. He +has evidently thought of a plan and I believe he wants to set you an +example of magnanimity, and that he will be the first to talk of +reconciliation. It is quite possible that one of these days he will +come and see you here."</p> + +<p>She made the sign of the cross over me and said:</p> + +<p>"Well, God bless you. Be happy. Aniuta Blagovo is a very clever girl. +She says of your marriage that God has sent you a new ordeal. Well? +Married life is not made up only of joy but of suffering as well. It is +impossible to avoid it."</p> + +<p>Masha and I walked about three miles with her, and then walked home +quietly and silently, as though it were a rest for both of us. Masha had +her hand on my arm. We were at peace and there was no need to talk of +love; after the wedding we grew closer to each other and dearer, and it +seemed as though nothing could part us.</p> + +<p>"Your sister is a dear, lovable creature," said Masha, "but looks as +though she had lived in torture. Your father must be a terrible man."</p> + +<p>I began to tell her how my sister and I had been brought up and how +absurd and full of torture our childhood had been. When she heard that +my father had thrashed me quite recently she shuddered and clung to me:</p> + +<p>"Don't tell me any more," she said. "It is too horrible."</p> + +<p>And now she did not leave me. We lived in the big house, in three rooms, +and in the evenings we bolted the door that led to the empty part of the +house, as though some one lived there whom we did not know and feared. +I used to get up early, at dawn, and begin working. I repaired the +carts; made paths in the garden, dug the beds, painted the roofs. When +the time came to sow oats, I tried to plough and harrow, and sow and did +it all conscientiously, and did not leave it all to the labourer. I used +to get tired, and my face and feet used to burn with the rain and the +sharp cold wind. But work in the fields did not attract me. I knew +nothing about agriculture and did not like it; perhaps because my +ancestors were not tillers of the soil and pure town blood ran in my +veins. I loved nature dearly; I loved the fields and the meadows and the +garden, but the peasant who turns the earth with his plough, shouting at +his miserable horse, ragged and wet, with bowed shoulders, was to me an +expression of wild, rude, ugly force, and as I watched his clumsy +movements I could not help thinking of the long-passed legendary life, +when men did not yet know the use of fire. The fierce bull which led the +herd, and the horses that stampeded through the village, filled me with +terror, and all the large creatures, strong and hostile, a ram with +horns, a gander, or a watch-dog seemed to me to be symbolical of some +rough, wild force. These prejudices used to be particularly strong in me +in bad weather, when heavy clouds hung over the black plough-lands. But +worst of all was that when I was ploughing or sowing, and a few peasants +stood and watched how I did it, I no longer felt the inevitability and +necessity of the work and it seemed to me that I was trifling my time +away.</p> + +<p>I used to go through the gardens and the meadow to the mill. It was +leased by Stiepan, a Kurilovka peasant; handsome, swarthy, with a black +beard—an athletic appearance. He did not care for mill work and thought +it tiresome and unprofitable, and he only lived at the mill to escape +from home. He was a saddler and always smelled of tan and leather. He +did not like talking, was slow and immovable, and used to hum +"U-lu-lu-lu," sitting on the bank or in the doorway of the mill. +Sometimes his wife and mother-in-law used to come from Kurilovka to see +him; they were both fair, languid, soft, and they used to bow to him +humbly and call him Stiepan Petrovich. And he would not answer their +greeting with a word or a sign, but would turn where he sat on the bank +and hum quietly: "U-lu-lu-lu." There would be a silence for an hour or +two. His mother-in-law and his wife would whisper to each other, get up +and look expectantly at him for some time, waiting for him to look at +them, and then they would bow humbly and say in sweet, soft voices:</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, Stiepan Petrovich."</p> + +<p>And they would go away. After that, Stiepan would put away the bundle of +cracknels or the shirt they had left for him and sigh and give a wink in +their direction and say:</p> + +<p>"The female sex!"</p> + +<p>The mill was worked with both wheels day and night. I used to help +Stiepan, I liked it, and when he went away I was glad to take his +place.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XI</p> + +<p>After a spell of warm bright weather we had a season of bad roads. It +rained and was cold all through May. The grinding of the millstones and +the drip of the rain induced idleness and sleep. The floor shook, the +whole place smelled of flour, and this too made one drowsy. My wife in a +short fur coat and high rubber boots used to appear twice a day and she +always said the same thing:</p> + +<p>"Call this summer! It is worse than October!"</p> + +<p>We used to have tea together and cook porridge, or sit together for +hours in silence thinking the rain would never stop. Once when Stiepan +went away to a fair, Masha stayed the night in the mill. When we got up +we could not tell what time it was for the sky was overcast; the sleepy +cocks at Dubechnia were crowing, and the corncrakes were trilling in the +meadow; it was very, very early.... My wife and I walked down to the +pool and drew up the bow-net that Stiepan had put out in our presence +the day before. There was one large perch in it and a crayfish angrily +stretched out his claws.</p> + +<p>"Let them go," said Masha. "Let them be happy too."</p> + +<p>Because we got up very early and had nothing to do, the day seemed very +long, the longest in my life. Stiepan returned before dusk and I went +back to the farmhouse.</p> + +<p>"Your father came here to-day," said Masha.</p> + +<p>"Where is he?"</p> + +<p>"He has gone. I did not receive him."</p> + +<p>Seeing my silence and feeling that I was sorry for my father, she said:</p> + +<p>"We must be logical. I did not receive him and sent a message to ask him +not to trouble us again and not to come and see us."</p> + +<p>In a moment I was outside the gates, striding toward the town to make it +up with my father. It was muddy, slippery, cold. For the first time +since our marriage I suddenly felt sad, and through my brain, tired with +the long day, there flashed the thought that perhaps I was not living as +I ought; I got more and more tired and was gradually overcome with +weakness, inertia; I had no desire to move or to think, and after +walking for some time, I waved my hand and went home.</p> + +<p>In the middle of the yard stood the engineer in a leather coat with a +hood. He was shouting:</p> + +<p>"Where's the furniture? There was some good Empire furniture, pictures, +vases. There's nothing left! Damn it, I bought the place with the +furniture!"</p> + +<p>Near him stood Moissey, Mrs. Cheprakov's bailiff, fumbling with his cap; +a lank fellow of about twenty-five, with a spotty face and little, +impudent eyes; one side of his face was larger than the other as though +he had been lain on.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Right Honourable Sir, you bought it without the furniture," he +said sheepishly. "I remember that clearly."</p> + +<p>"Silence!" shouted the engineer, going red in the face, and beginning to +shake, and his shout echoed through the garden.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XII</p> + +<p>When I was busy in the garden or the yard, Moissey would stand with his +hands behind his back and stare at me impertinently with his little +eyes. And this used to irritate me to such an extent that I would put +aside my work and go away.</p> + +<p>We learned from Stiepan that Moissey had been Mrs. Cheprakov's lover. I +noticed that when people went to her for money they used to apply to +Moissey first, and once I saw a peasant, a charcoal-burner, black all +over, grovel at his feet. Sometimes after a whispered conversation +Moissey would hand over the money himself without saying anything to his +mistress, from which I concluded that the transaction was settled on his +own account.</p> + +<p>He used to shoot in our garden, under our very windows, steal food from +our larder, borrow our horses without leave, and we were furious, +feeling that Dubechnia was no longer ours, and Masha used to go pale and +say:</p> + +<p>"Have we to live another year and a half with these creatures?"</p> + +<p>Ivan Cheprakov, the son, was a guard on the railway. During the winter +he got very thin and weak, so that he got drunk on one glass of vodka, +and felt cold out of the sun. He hated wearing his guard's uniform and +was ashamed of it, but found his job profitable because he could steal +candles and sell them. My new position gave him a mixed feeling of +astonishment, envy, and vague hope that something of the sort might +happen to him. He used to follow Masha with admiring eyes, and to ask me +what I had for dinner nowadays, and his ugly, emaciated face used to +wear a sweet, sad expression, and he used to twitch his fingers as +though he could feel my happiness with them.</p> + +<p>"I say, Little Profit," he would say excitedly, lighting and relighting +his cigarette; he always made a mess wherever he stood because he used +to waste a whole box of matches on one cigarette. "I say, my life is +about as beastly as it could be. Every little squirt of a soldier can +shout: 'Here guard! Here!' I have such a lot in the trains and you know, +mine's a rotten life! My mother has ruined me! I heard a doctor say in +the train, if the parents are loose, their children become drunkards or +criminals. That's it."</p> + +<p>Once he came staggering into the yard. His eyes wandered aimlessly and +he breathed heavily; he laughed and cried, and said something in a kind +of frenzy, and through his thickly uttered words I could only hear: "My +mother? Where is my mother?" and he wailed like a child crying, because +it has lost its mother in a crowd. I led him away into the garden and +laid him down under a tree, and all that day and through the night Masha +and I took it in turns to stay with him. He was sick and Masha looked +with disgust at his pale, wet face and said:</p> + +<p>"Are we to have these creatures on the place for another year and a +half? It is awful! Awful!"</p> + +<p>And what a lot of trouble the peasants gave us! How many disappointments +we had at the outset, in the spring, when we so longed to be happy! My +wife built a school. I designed the school for sixty boys, and the +Zemstvo Council approved the design, but recommended our building the +school at Kurilovka, the big village, only three miles away; besides the +Kurilovka school, where the children of four villages, including that of +Dubechnia, were taught, was old and inadequate and the floor was so +rotten that the children were afraid to walk on it. At the end of March +Masha, by her own desire, was appointed trustee of the Kurilovka school, +and at the beginning of April we called three parish meetings and +persuaded the peasants that the school was old and inadequate, and that +it was necessary to build a new one. A member of the Zemstvo Council and +the elementary school inspector came down too and addressed them. After +each meeting we were mobbed and asked for a pail of vodka; we felt +stifled in the crowd and soon got tired and returned home dissatisfied +and rather abashed. At last the peasants allotted a site for the school +and undertook to cart the materials from the town. And as soon as the +spring corn was sown, on the very first Sunday, carts set out from +Kurilovka and Dubechnia to fetch the bricks for the foundations. They +went at dawn and returned late in the evening. The peasants were drunk +and said they were tired out.</p> + +<p>The rain and the cold continued, as though deliberately, all through +May. The roads were spoiled and deep in mud. When the carts came from +town they usually drove to our horror, into our yard! A horse would +appear in the gate, straddling its fore legs, with its big belly +heaving; before it came into the yard it would strain and heave and +after it would come a ten-yard beam in a four-wheeled wagon, wet and +slimy; alongside it, wrapped up to keep the rain out, never looking +where he was going and splashing through the puddles, a peasant would +walk with the skirt of his coat tucked up in his belt. Another cart +would appear with planks; then a third with a beam; then a fourth ... +and the yard in front of the house would gradually be blocked up with +horses, beams, planks. Peasants, men and women with their heads wrapped +up and their skirts tucked up, would stare morosely at our windows, kick +up a row and insist on the lady of the house coming out to them; and +they would curse and swear. And in a corner Moissey would stand, and it +seemed to us that he delighted in our discomfiture.</p> + +<p>"We won't cart any more!" the peasants shouted. "We are tired to death! +Let her go and cart it herself!"</p> + +<p>Pale and scared, thinking they would any minute break into the house, +Masha would send them money for a pail of vodka; after which the noise +would die down and the long beams would go jolting out of the yard.</p> + +<p>When I went to look at the building my wife would get agitated and say:</p> + +<p>"The peasants are furious. They might do something to you. No. Wait. +I'll go with you."</p> + +<p>We used to drive over to Kurilovka together and then the carpenters +would ask for tips. The framework was ready for the foundations to be +laid, but the masons never came and when at last the masons did come it +was apparent that there was no sand; somehow it had been forgotten that +sand was wanted. Taking advantage of our helplessness, the peasants +asked thirty copecks a load, although it was less than a quarter of a +mile from the building to the river where the sand was to be fetched, +and more than five hundred loads were needed. There were endless +misunderstandings, wrangles, and continual begging. My wife was +indignant and the building contractor, Petrov, an old man of seventy, +took her by the hand and said:</p> + +<p>"You look here! Look here! Just get me sand and I'll find ten men and +have the work done in two days. Look here!"</p> + +<p>Sand was brought, but two, four days, a week passed and still there +yawned a ditch where the foundations were to be.</p> + +<p>"I shall go mad," cried my wife furiously. "What wretches they are! What +wretches!"</p> + +<p>During these disturbances Victor Ivanich used to come and see us. He +used to bring hampers of wine and dainties, and eat for a long time, and +then go to sleep on the terrace and snore so that the labourers shook +their heads and said:</p> + +<p>"He's all right!"</p> + +<p>Masha took no pleasure in his visits. She did not believe in him, and +yet she used to ask his advice; when, after a sound sleep after dinner, +he got up out of humour, and spoke disparagingly of our domestic +arrangements, and said he was sorry he had ever bought Dubechnia which +had cost him so much, and poor Masha looked miserably anxious and +complained to him, he would yawn and say the peasants ought to be +flogged.</p> + +<p>He called our marriage and the life we were living a comedy, and used to +say it was a caprice, a whimsy.</p> + +<p>"She did the same sort of thing once before," he told me. "She fancied +herself as an opera singer, and ran away from me. It took me two months +to find her, and my dear fellow, I wasted a thousand roubles on +telegrams alone."</p> + +<p>He had dropped calling me a sectarian or the House-painter; and no +longer approved of my life as a working man, but he used to say:</p> + +<p>"You are a queer fish! An abnormality. I don't venture to prophesy, but +you will end badly!"</p> + +<p>Masha slept poorly at nights and would sit by the window of our bedroom +thinking. She no longer laughed and made faces at supper. I suffered, +and when it rained, every drop cut into my heart like a bullet, and I +could have gone on my knees to Masha and apologised for the weather. +When the peasants made a row in the yard, I felt that it was my fault. I +would sit for hours in one place, thinking only how splendid and how +wonderful Masha was. I loved her passionately, and I was enraptured by +everything she did and said. Her taste was for quiet indoor occupation; +she loved to read for hours and to study; she who knew about farm-work +only from books, surprised us all by her knowledge and the advice she +gave was always useful, and when applied was never in vain. And in +addition she had the fineness, the taste, and the good sense, the very +sound sense which only very well-bred people possess!</p> + +<p>To such a woman, with her healthy, orderly mind, the chaotic environment +with its petty cares and dirty tittle-tattle, in which we lived, was +very painful. I could see that, and I, too, could not sleep at night. My +brain whirled and I could hardly choke back my tears. I tossed about, +not knowing what to do.</p> + +<p>I used to rush to town and bring Masha books, newspapers, sweets, +flowers, and I used to go fishing with Stiepan, dragging for hours, +neck-deep in cold water, in the rain, to catch an eel by way of varying +our fare. I used humbly to ask the peasants not to shout, and I gave +them vodka, bribed them, promised them anything they asked. And what a +lot of other foolish things I did!</p> + + +<p class="sp">At last the rain stopped. The earth dried up. I used to get up in the +morning and go into the garden—dew shining on the flowers, birds and +insects shrilling, not a cloud in the sky, and the garden, the meadow, +the river were so beautiful, perfect but for the memory of the peasants +and the carts and the engineer. Masha and I used to drive out in a car +to see how the oats were coming on. She drove and I sat behind; her +shoulders were always a little hunched, and the wind would play with her +hair.</p> + +<p>"Keep to the right!" she shouted to the passers-by.</p> + +<p>"You are like a coachman!" I once said to her.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps. My grandfather, my father's father, was a coachman. Didn't you +know?" she asked, turning round, and immediately she began to mimic the +way the coachmen shout and sing.</p> + +<p>"Thank God!" I thought, as I listened to her. "Thank God!"</p> + +<p>And again I remember the peasants, the carts, the engineer....</p> + + +<p class="rome">XIII</p> + +<p>Doctor Blagovo came over on a bicycle. My sister began to come often. +Once more we talked of manual labour and progress, and the mysterious +Cross awaiting humanity in the remote future. The doctor did not like +our life, because it interfered with our discussions and he said it was +unworthy of a free man to plough, and reap, and breed cattle, and that +in time all such elementary forms of the struggle for existence would be +left to animals and machines, while men would devote themselves +exclusively to scientific investigation. And my sister always asked me +to let her go home earlier, and if she stayed late, or for the night, +she was greatly distressed.</p> + +<p>"Good gracious, what a baby you are," Masha used to say reproachfully. +"It is quite ridiculous."</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is absurd," my sister would agree. "I admit it is absurd, but +what can I do if I have not the power to control myself. It always seems +to me that I am doing wrong."</p> + +<p>During the haymaking my body, not being used to it, ached all over; +sitting on the terrace in the evening, I would suddenly fall asleep and +they would all laugh at me. They would wake me up and make me sit down +to supper. I would be overcome with drowsiness and in a stupor saw +lights, faces, plates, and heard voices without understanding what they +were saying. And I used to get up early in the morning and take my +scythe, or go to the school and work there all day.</p> + +<p>When I was at home on holidays I noticed that my wife and sister were +hiding something from me and even seemed to be avoiding me. My wife was +tender with me as always, but she had some new thought of her own which +she did not communicate to me. Certainly her exasperation with the +peasants had increased and life was growing harder and harder for her, +but she no longer complained to me. She talked more readily to the +doctor than to me, and I could not understand why.</p> + +<p>It was the custom in our province for the labourers to come to the farm +in the evenings to be treated to vodka, even the girls having a glass. +We did not keep the custom; the haymakers and the women used to come +into the yard and stay until late in the evening, waiting for vodka, and +then they went away cursing. And then Masha used to frown and relapse +into silence or whisper irritably to the doctor:</p> + +<p>"Savages! Barbarians!"</p> + +<p>Newcomers to the villages were received ungraciously, almost with +hostility; like new arrivals at a school. At first we were looked upon +as foolish, soft-headed people who had bought the estate because we did +not know what to do with our money. We were laughed at. The peasants +grazed their cattle in our pasture and even in our garden, drove our +cows and horses into the village and then came and asked for +compensation. The whole village used to come into our yard and declare +loudly that in mowing we had cut the border of common land which did not +belong to us; and as we did not know our boundaries exactly we used to +take their word for it and pay a fine. But afterward it appeared that we +had been in the right. They used to bark the young lime-trees in our +woods. A Dubechnia peasant, a money-lender, who sold vodka without a +licence, bribed our labourers to help him cheat us in the most +treacherous way; he substituted old wheels for the new on our wagons, +stole our ploughing yokes and sold them back to us, and so on. But worst +of all was the building at Kurilovka. There the women at night stole +planks, bricks, tiles, iron; the bailiff and his assistants made a +search; the women were each fined two roubles by the village council, +and then the whole lot of them got drunk on the money.</p> + +<p>When Masha found out, she would say to the doctor and my sister:</p> + +<p>"What beasts! It is horrible! Horrible!"</p> + +<p>And more than once I heard her say she was sorry she had decided to +build the school.</p> + +<p>"You must understand," the doctor tried to point out, "that if you build +a school or undertake any good work, it is not for the peasants, but for +the sake of culture and the future. The worse the peasants are the more +reason there is for building a school. Do understand!"</p> + +<p>There was a loss of confidence in his voice, and it seemed to me that he +hated the peasants as much as Masha.</p> + +<p>Masha used often to go to the mill with my sister and they would say +jokingly that they were going to have a look at Stiepan because he was +so handsome. Stiepan it appeared was reserved and silent only with men, +and in the company of women was free and talkative. Once when I went +down to the river to bathe I involuntarily overheard a conversation. +Masha and Cleopatra, both in white, were sitting on the bank under the +broad shade of a willow and Stiepan was standing near with his hands +behind his back, saying:</p> + +<p>"But are peasants human beings? Not they; they are, excuse me, brutes, +beasts, and thieves. What does a peasant's life consist of? Eating and +drinking, crying for cheaper food, bawling in taverns, without decent +conversation, or behaviour or manners. Just an ignorant beast! He lives +in filth, his wife and children live in filth; he sleeps in his clothes; +takes the potatoes out of the soup with his fingers, drinks down a black +beetle with his <i>kvass</i>—because he won't trouble to fish it out!"</p> + +<p>"It is because of their poverty!" protested my sister.</p> + +<p>"What poverty? Of course there is want, but there are different kinds of +necessity. If a man is in prison, or is blind, say, or has lost his +legs, then he is in a bad way and God help him; but if he is at liberty +and in command of his senses, if he has eyes and hands and strength, +then, good God, what more does he want? It is lamentable, my lady, +ignorance, but not poverty. If you kind people, with your education, out +of charity try to help him, then he will spend your money in drink, like +the swine he is, or worse still, he will open a tavern and begin to rob +the people on the strength of your money. You say—poverty. But does a +rich peasant live any better? He lives like a pig, too, excuse me, a +clodhopper, a blusterer, a big-bellied blockhead, with a swollen red +mug—makes me want to hit him in the eye, the blackguard. Look at Larion +of Dubechnia—he is rich, but all the same he barks the trees in your +woods just like the poor; and he is a foul-mouthed brute, and his +children are foul-mouthed, and when he is drunk he falls flat in the mud +and goes to sleep. They are all worthless, my lady. It is just hell to +live with them in the village. The village sticks in my gizzard, and I +thank God, the King of heaven, that I am well fed and clothed, and that +I am a free man; I can live where I like, I don't want to live in the +village and nobody can force me to do it. They say: 'You have a wife.' +They say: 'You are obliged to live at home with your wife.' Why? I have +not sold myself to her."</p> + +<p>"Tell me, Stiepan. Did you marry for love?" asked Masha.</p> + +<p>"What love is there in a village?" Stiepan answered with a smile. "If +you want to know, my lady, it is my second marriage. I do not come from +Kurilovka, but from Zalegosch, and I went to Kurilovka when I married. +My father did not want to divide the land up between us—there are five +of us. So I bowed to it and cut adrift and went to another village to my +wife's family. My first wife died when she was young."</p> + +<p>"What did she die of?"</p> + +<p>"Foolishness. She used to sit and cry. She was always crying for no +reason at all and so she wasted away. She used to drink herbs to make +herself prettier and it must have ruined her inside. And my second wife +at Kurilovka—what about her? A village woman, a peasant; that's all. +When the match was being made I was nicely had; I thought she was young, +nice to look at and clean. Her mother was clean enough, drank coffee +and, chiefly because they were a clean lot, I got married. Next day we +sat down to dinner and I told my mother-in-law to fetch me a spoon. She +brought me a spoon and I saw her wipe it with her finger. So that, +thought I, is their cleanliness! I lived with them for a year and went +away. Perhaps I ought to have married a town girl"—he went on after a +silence. "They say a wife is a helpmate to her husband. What do I want +with a helpmate? I can look after myself. But you talk to me sensibly +and soberly, without giggling all the while. He—he—he! What is life +without a good talk?"</p> + +<p>Stiepan suddenly stopped and relapsed into his dreary, monotonous +"U-lu-lu-lu." That meant that he had noticed me.</p> + +<p>Masha used often to visit the mill, she evidently took pleasure in her +talks with Stiepan; he abused the peasants so sincerely and +convincingly—and this attracted her to him. When she returned from the +mill the idiot who looked after the garden used to shout after her:</p> + +<p>"Paloshka! Hullo, Paloshka!" And he would bark at her like a dog: "Bow, +wow!"</p> + +<p>And she would stop and stare at him as if she found in the idiot's +barking an answer to her thought, and perhaps he attracted her as much +as Stiepan's abuse. And at home she would find some unpleasant news +awaiting her, as that the village geese had ruined the cabbages in the +kitchen-garden, or that Larion had stolen the reins, and she would shrug +her shoulders with a smile and say:</p> + +<p>"What can you expect of such people?"</p> + +<p>She was exasperated and a fury was gathering in her soul, and I, on the +other hand, was getting used to the peasants and more and more attracted +to them. For the most part, they were nervous, irritable, absurd people; +they were people with suppressed imaginations, ignorant, with a bare, +dull outlook, always dazed by the same thought of the grey earth, grey +days, black bread; they were people driven to cunning, but, like birds, +they only hid their heads behind the trees—they could not reason. They +did not come to us for the twenty roubles earned by haymaking, but for +the half-pail of vodka, though they could buy four pails of vodka for +the twenty roubles. Indeed they were dirty, drunken, and dishonest, but +for all that one felt that the peasant life as a whole was sound at the +core. However clumsy and brutal the peasant might look as he followed +his antiquated plough, and however he might fuddle himself with vodka, +still, looking at him more closely, one felt that there was something +vital and important in him, something that was lacking in Masha and the +doctor, for instance, namely, that he believes that the chief thing on +earth is truth, that his and everybody's salvation lies in truth, and +therefore above all else on earth he loves justice. I used to say to my +wife that she was seeing the stain on the window, but not the glass +itself; and she would be silent or, like Stiepan, she would hum, +"U-lu-lu-lu...." When she, good, clever actress that she was, went pale +with fury and then harangued the doctor in a trembling voice about +drunkenness and dishonesty; her blindness confounded and appalled me. +How could she forget that her father, the engineer, drank, drank +heavily, and that the money with which he bought Dubechnia was acquired +by means of a whole series of impudent, dishonest swindles? How could +she forget?</p> + + +<p class="rome">XIV</p> + +<p>And my sister, too, was living with her own private thoughts which she +hid from me. She used often to sit whispering with Masha. When I went up +to her, she would shrink away, and her eyes would look guilty and full +of entreaty. Evidently there was something going on in her soul of which +she was afraid or ashamed. To avoid meeting me in the garden or being +left alone with me she clung to Masha and I hardly ever had a chance to +talk to her except at dinner.</p> + +<p>One evening, on my way home from the school, I came quietly through the +garden. It had already begun to grow dark. Without noticing me or +hearing footsteps, my sister walked round an old wide-spreading +apple-tree, perfectly noiselessly like a ghost. She was in black, and +walked very quickly, up and down, up and down, with her eyes on the +ground. An apple fell from the tree, she started at the noise, stopped +and pressed her hands to her temples. At that moment I went up to her.</p> + +<p>In an impulse of tenderness, which suddenly came rushing to my heart, +with tears in my eyes, somehow remembering our mother and our childhood, +I took hold of her shoulders and kissed her.</p> + +<p>"What is the matter?" I asked. "You are suffering. I have seen it for a +long time now. Tell me, what is the matter?"</p> + +<p>"I am afraid...." she murmured, with a shiver.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter with you?" I inquired. "For God's sake, be frank!"</p> + +<p>"I will, I will be frank. I will tell you the whole truth. It is so +hard, so painful to conceal anything from you!... Misail, I am in love." +She went on in a whisper. "Love, love.... I am happy, but I am afraid."</p> + +<p>I heard footsteps and Doctor Blagovo appeared among the trees. He was +wearing a silk shirt and high boots. Clearly they had arranged a +rendezvous by the apple-tree. When she saw him she flung herself +impulsively into his arms with a cry of anguish, as though he was being +taken away from her:</p> + +<p>"Vladimir! Vladimir!"</p> + +<p>She clung to him, and gazed eagerly at him and only then I noticed how +thin and pale she had become. It was especially noticeable through her +lace collar, which I had known for years, for it now hung loosely about +her slim neck. The doctor was taken aback, but controlled himself at +once, and said, as he stroked her hair:</p> + +<p>"That's enough. Enough!... Why are you so nervous? You see, I have +come."</p> + +<p>We were silent for a time, bashfully glancing at each other. Then we all +moved away and I heard the doctor saying to me:</p> + +<p>"Civilised life has not yet begun with us. The old console themselves +with saying that, if there is nothing now, there was something in the +forties and the sixties; that is all right for the old ones, but we are +young and our brains are not yet touched with senile decay. We cannot +console ourselves with such illusions. The beginning of Russia was in +862, and civilised Russia, as I understand it, has not yet begun."</p> + +<p>But I could not bother about what he was saying. It was very strange, +but I could not believe that my sister was in love, that she had just +been walking with her hand on the arm of a stranger and gazing at him +tenderly. My sister, poor, frightened, timid, downtrodden creature as +she was, loved a man who was already married and had children! I was +full of pity without knowing why; the doctor's presence was distasteful +to me and I could not make out what was to come of such a love.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XV</p> + +<p>Masha and I drove over to Kurilovka for the opening of the school.</p> + +<p>"Autumn, autumn, autumn...." said Masha, looking about her. Summer had +passed. There were no birds and only the willows were green.</p> + +<p>Yes. Summer had passed. The days were bright and warm, but it was fresh +in the mornings; the shepherds went out in their sheepskins, and the dew +never dried all day on the asters in the garden. There were continual +mournful sounds and it was impossible to tell whether it was a shutter +creaking on its rusty hinges or the cranes flying—and one felt so well +and so full of the desire for life!</p> + +<p>"Summer has passed...." said Masha. "Now we can both make up our +accounts. We have worked hard and thought a great deal and we are the +better for it—all honour and praise to us; we have improved ourselves; +but have our successes had any perceptible influence on the life around +us, have they been of any use to a single person? No! Ignorance, dirt, +drunkenness, a terribly high rate of infant mortality—everything is +just as it was, and no one is any the better for your having ploughed +and sown and my having spent money and read books. Evidently we have +only worked and broadened our minds for ourselves."</p> + +<p>I was abashed by such arguments and did not know what to think.</p> + +<p>"From beginning to end we have been sincere," I said, "and if a man is +sincere, he is right."</p> + +<p>"Who denies that? We have been right but we have been wrong in our way +of setting about it. First of all, are not our very ways of living +wrong? You want to be useful to people, but by the mere fact of buying +an estate you make it impossible to be so. Further, if you work, dress, +and eat like a peasant you lend your authority and approval to the +clumsy clothes, and their dreadful houses and their dirty beards.... On +the other hand, suppose you work for a long, long time, all you life, +and in the end obtain some practical results—what will your results +amount to, what can they do against such elemental forces as wholesale +ignorance, hunger, cold, and degeneracy? A drop in the ocean! Other +methods of fighting are necessary, strong, bold, quick! If you want to +be useful then you must leave the narrow circle of common activity and +try to act directly on the masses! First of all, you need vigorous, +noisy, propaganda. Why are art and music, for instance, so much alive +and so popular and so powerful? Because the musician or the singer +influences thousands directly. Art, wonderful art!" She looked wistfully +at the sky and went on: "Art gives wings and carries you far, far away. +If you are bored with dirt and pettifogging interests, if you are +exasperated and outraged and indignant, rest and satisfaction are only +to be found in beauty."</p> + +<p>As we approached Kurilovka the weather was fine, clear, and joyous. In +the yards the peasants were thrashing and there was a smell of corn and +straw. Behind the wattled hedges the fruit-trees were reddening and all +around the trees were red or golden. In the church-tower the bells were +ringing, the children were carrying ikons to the school and singing the +Litany of the Virgin. And how clear the air was, and how high the doves +soared!</p> + +<p>The Te Deum was sung in the schoolroom. Then the Kurilovka peasants +presented Masha with an ikon, and the Dubechnia peasants gave her a +large cracknel and a gilt salt-cellar. And Masha began to weep.</p> + +<p>"And if we have said anything out of the way or have been discontented, +please forgive us," said an old peasant, bowing to us both.</p> + +<p>As we drove home Masha looked back at the school. The green roof which +I had painted glistened in the sun, and we could see it for a long time. +And I felt that Masha's glances were glances of farewell.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XVI</p> + +<p>In the evening she got ready to go to town.</p> + +<p>She had often been to town lately to stay the night. In her absence I +could not work, and felt listless and disheartened; our big yard seemed +dreary, disgusting, and deserted; there were ominous noises in the +garden, and without her the house, the trees, the horses were no longer +"ours."</p> + +<p>I never went out but sat all the time at her writing-table among her +books on farming and agriculture, those deposed favourites, wanted no +more, which looked out at me so shamefacedly from the bookcase. For +hours together, while it struck seven, eight, nine, and the autumn night +crept up as black as soot to the windows, I sat brooding over an old +glove of hers, or the pen she always used, and her little scissors. I +did nothing and saw clearly that everything I had done before, +ploughing, sowing, and felling trees, had only been because she wanted +it. And if she told me to clean out a well, when I had to stand +waist-deep in water, I would go and do it, without trying to find out +whether the well wanted cleaning or not. And now, when she was away, +Dubechnia with its squalor, its litter, its slamming shutters, with +thieves prowling about it day and night, seemed to me like a chaos in +which work was entirely useless. And why should I work, then? Why +trouble and worry about the future, when I felt that the ground was +slipping away from under me, that my position at Dubechnia was hollow, +that, in a word, the same fate awaited me as had befallen the books on +agriculture? Oh! what anguish it was at night, in the lonely hours, when +I lay listening uneasily, as though I expected some one any minute to +call out that it was time for me to go away. I was not sorry to leave +Dubechnia, my sorrow was for my love, for which it seemed that autumn +had already begun. What a tremendous happiness it is to love and to be +loved, and what a horror it is to feel that you are beginning to topple +down from that lofty tower!</p> + +<p>Masha returned from town toward evening on the following day. She was +dissatisfied with something, but concealed it and said only: "Why have +the winter windows been put in? It will be stifling." I opened two of +the windows. We did not feel like eating, but we sat down and had +supper.</p> + +<p>"Go and wash your hands," she said. "You smell of putty."</p> + +<p>She had brought some new illustrated magazines from town and we both +read them after supper. They had supplements with fashion-plates and +patterns. Masha just glanced at them and put them aside to look at them +carefully later on; but one dress, with a wide, bell-shaped skirt and +big sleeves interested her, and for a moment she looked at it seriously +and attentively.</p> + +<p>"That's not bad," she said.</p> + +<p>"Yes, it would suit you very well," said I. "Very well."</p> + +<p>And I admired the dress, only because she liked it, and went on +tenderly:</p> + +<p>"A wonderful, lovely dress! Lovely, wonderful, Masha. My dear Masha!"</p> + +<p>And tears began to drop on the fashion-plate.</p> + +<p>"Wonderful Masha...." I murmured. "Dear, darling Masha...."</p> + +<p>She went and lay down and I sat still for an hour and looked at the +illustrations.</p> + +<p>"You should not have opened the windows," she called from the bedroom. +"I'm afraid it will be cold. Look how the wind is blowing in!"</p> + +<p>I read the miscellany, about the preparation of cheap fish, and the size +of the largest diamond in the world. Then I chanced on the picture of +the dress she had liked and I imagined her at a ball, with a fan, and +bare shoulders, a brilliant, dazzling figure, well up in music and +painting and literature, and how insignificant and brief my share in her +life seemed to be!</p> + +<p>Our coming together, our marriage, was only an episode, one of many in +the life of this lively, highly gifted creature. All the best things in +the world, as I have said, were at her service, and she had them for +nothing; even ideas and fashionable intellectual movements served her +pleasure, a diversion in her existence, and I was only the coachman who +drove her from one infatuation to another. Now I was no longer necessary +to her; she would fly away and I should be left alone.</p> + +<p>As if in answer to my thoughts a desperate scream suddenly came from the +yard:</p> + +<p>"Mur-der!"</p> + +<p>It was a shrill female voice, and exactly as though it were trying to +imitate it, the wind also howled dismally in the chimney. Half a minute +passed and again it came through the sound of the wind, but as though +from the other end of the yard:</p> + +<p>"Mur-der!"</p> + +<p>"Misail, did you hear that?" said my wife in a hushed voice. "Did you +hear?"</p> + +<p>She came out of the bedroom in her nightgown, with her hair down, and +stood listening and staring out of the dark window.</p> + +<p>"Somebody is being murdered!" she muttered. "It only wanted that!"</p> + +<p>I took my gun and went out; it was very dark outside; a violent wind was +blowing so that it was hard to stand up. I walked to the gate and +listened; the trees were moaning; the wind went whistling through them, +and in the garden the idiot's dog was howling. Beyond the gate it was +pitch dark; there was not a light on the railway. And just by the wing, +where the offices used to be, I suddenly heard a choking cry:</p> + +<p>"Mur-der!"</p> + +<p>"Who is there?" I called.</p> + +<p>Two men were locked in a struggle. One had nearly thrown the other, who +was resisting with all his might. And both were breathing heavily.</p> + +<p>"Let go!" said one of them and I recognised Ivan Cheprakov. It was he +who had cried out in a thin, falsetto voice. "Let go, damn you, or I'll +bite your hands!"</p> + +<p>The other man I recognised as Moissey. I parted them and could not +resist hitting Moissey in the face twice. He fell down, then got up, and +I struck him again.</p> + +<p>"He tried to kill me," he muttered. "I caught him creeping to his +mother's drawer.... I tried to shut him up in the wing for safety."</p> + +<p>Cheprakov was drunk and did not recognise me. He stood gasping for +breath as though trying to get enough wind to shriek again.</p> + +<p>I left them and went back to the house. My wife was lying on the bed, +fully dressed. I told her what had happened in the yard and did not keep +back the fact that I had struck Moissey.</p> + +<p>"Living in the country is horrible," she said. "And what a long night it +is!"</p> + +<p>"Mur-der!" we heard again, a little later.</p> + +<p>"I'll go and part them," I said.</p> + +<p>"No. Let them kill each other," she said with an expression of disgust.</p> + +<p>She lay staring at the ceiling, listening, and I sat near her, not +daring to speak and feeling that it was my fault that screams of +"murder" came from the yard and the night was so long.</p> + +<p>We were silent and I waited impatiently for the light to peep in at the +window. And Masha looked as though she had wakened from a long sleep and +was astonished to find herself, so clever, so educated, so refined, cast +away in this miserable provincial hole, among a lot of petty, shallow +people, and to think that she could have so far forgotten herself as to +have been carried away by one of them and to have been his wife for more +than half a year. It seemed to me that we were all the same to +her—myself, Moissey, Cheprakov; all swept together into the drunken, +wild scream of "murder"—myself, our marriage, our work, and the muddy +roads of autumn; and when she breathed or stirred to make herself more +comfortable I could read in her eyes: "Oh, if the morning would come +quicker!"</p> + +<p>In the morning she went away.</p> + +<p>I stayed at Dubechnia for another three days, waiting for her; then I +moved all our things into one room, locked it, and went to town. When I +rang the bell at the engineer's, it was evening, and the lamps were +alight in Great Gentry Street. Pavel told me that nobody was at home; +Victor Ivanich had gone to Petersburg and Maria Victorovna must be at a +rehearsal at the Azhoguins'. I remember the excitement with which I +went to the Azhoguins', and how my heart thumped and sank within me, as +I went up-stairs and stood for a long while on the landing, not daring +to enter that temple of the Muses! In the hall, on the table, on the +piano, on the stage, there were candles burning; all in threes, for the +first performance was fixed for the thirteenth, and the dress rehearsal +was on Monday—the unlucky day. A fight against prejudice! All the +lovers of dramatic art were assembled; the eldest, the middle, and the +youngest Miss Azhoguin were walking about the stage, reading their +parts. Radish was standing still in a corner all by himself, with his +head against the wall, looking at the stage with adoring eyes, waiting +for the beginning of the rehearsal. Everything was just the same!</p> + +<p>I went toward my hostess to greet her, when suddenly everybody began to +say "Ssh" and to wave their hands to tell me not to make such a noise. +There was a silence. The top of the piano was raised, a lady sat down, +screwing up her short-sighted eyes at the music, and Masha stood by the +piano, dressed up, beautiful, but beautiful in an odd new way, not at +all like the Masha who used to come to see me at the mill in the spring. +She began to sing:</p> + +<p class="c">"Why do I love thee, straight night?"</p> + +<p>It was the first time since I had known her that I had heard her sing. +She had a fine, rich, powerful voice, and to hear her sing was like +eating a ripe, sweet-scented melon. She finished the song and was +applauded. She smiled and looked pleased, made play with her eyes, +stared at the music, plucked at her dress exactly like a bird which has +broken out of its cage and preens its wings at liberty. Her hair was +combed back over her ears, and she had a sly defiant expression on her +face, as though she wished to challenge us all, or to shout at us, as +though we were horses: "Gee up, old things!"</p> + +<p>And at that moment she must have looked very like her grandfather, the +coachman.</p> + +<p>"You here, too?" she asked, giving me her hand. "Did you hear me sing? +How did you like it?" And, without waiting for me to answer she went on: +"You arrived very opportunely. I'm going to Petersburg for a short time +to-night. May I?"</p> + +<p>At midnight I took her to the station. She embraced me tenderly, +probably out of gratitude, because I did not pester her with useless +questions, and she promised to write to me, and I held her hands for a +long time and kissed them, finding it hard to keep back my tears, and +not saying a word.</p> + +<p>And when the train moved, I stood looking at the receding lights, kissed +her in my imagination and whispered:</p> + +<p>"Masha dear, wonderful Masha!..."</p> + +<p>I spent the night at Mikhokhov, at Karpovna's, and in the morning I +worked with Radish, upholstering the furniture at a rich merchant's, +who had married his daughter to a doctor.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XVII</p> + +<p>On Sunday afternoon my sister came to see me and had tea with me.</p> + +<p>"I read a great deal now," she said, showing me the books she had got +out of the town library on her way. "Thanks to your wife and Vladimir. +They awakened my self-consciousness. They saved me and have made me feel +that I am a human being. I used not to sleep at night for worrying: +'What a lot of sugar has been wasted during the week.' 'The cucumbers +must not be oversalted!' I don't sleep now, but I have quite different +thoughts. I am tormented with the thought that half my life has passed +so foolishly and half-heartedly. I despise my old life. I am ashamed of +it. And I regard my father now as an enemy. Oh, how grateful I am to +your wife! And Vladimir. He is such a wonderful man! They opened my +eyes."</p> + +<p>"It is not good that you can't sleep," I said.</p> + +<p>"You think I am ill? Not a bit. Vladimir sounded me and says I am +perfectly healthy. But health is not the point. That doesn't matter so +much.... Tell me, am I right?"</p> + +<p>She needed moral support. That was obvious. Masha had gone, Doctor +Blagovo was in Petersburg, and there was no one except myself in the +town, who could tell her that she was right. She fixed her eyes on me, +trying to read my inmost thoughts, and if I were sad in her presence, +she always took it upon herself and was depressed. I had to be +continually on my guard, and when she asked me if she was right, I +hastened to assure her that she was right and that I had a profound +respect for her.</p> + +<p>"You know, they have given me a part at the Azhoguins'," she went on. "I +wanted to act. I want to live. I want to drink deep of life; I have no +talent whatever, and my part is only ten lines, but it is immeasurably +finer and nobler than pouring out tea five times a day and watching to +see that the cook does not eat the sugar left over. And most of all I +want to let father see that I too can protest."</p> + +<p>After tea she lay down on my bed and stayed there for some time, with +her eyes closed, and her face very pale.</p> + +<p>"Just weakness!" she said, as she got up. "Vladimir said all town girls +and women are anæmic from lack of work. What a clever man Vladimir is! +He is right; wonderfully right! We do need work!"</p> + +<p>Two days later she came to rehearsal at the Azhoguins' with her part in +her hand. She was in black, with a garnet necklace, and a brooch that +looked at a distance like a pasty, and she had enormous earrings, in +each of which sparkled a diamond. I felt uneasy when I saw her; I was +shocked by her lack of taste. The others noticed too that she was +unsuitably dressed and that her earrings and diamonds were out of +place. I saw their smiles and heard some one say jokingly:</p> + +<p>"Cleopatra of Egypt!"</p> + +<p>She was trying to be fashionable, and easy, and assured, and she seemed +affected and odd. She lost her simplicity and her charm.</p> + +<p>"I just told father that I was going to a rehearsal," she began, coming +up to me, "and he shouted that he would take his blessing from me, and +he nearly struck me. Fancy," she added, glancing at her part, "I don't +know my part. I'm sure to make a mistake. Well, the die is cast," she +said excitedly; "the die is cast."</p> + +<p>She felt that all the people were looking at her and were all amazed at +the important step she had taken and that they were all expecting +something remarkable from her, and it was impossible to convince her +that nobody took any notice of such small uninteresting persons as she +and I.</p> + +<p>She had nothing to do until the third act, and her part, a guest, a +country gossip, consisted only in standing by the door, as if she were +overhearing something, and then speaking a short monologue. For at least +an hour and a half before her cue, while the others were walking, +reading, having tea, quarrelling, she never left me and kept on mumbling +her part, and dropping her written copy, imagining that everybody was +looking at her, and waiting for her to come on, and she patted her hair +with a trembling hand and said:</p> + +<p>"I'm sure to make a mistake.... You don't know how awful I feel! I am as +terrified as if I were going to the scaffold."</p> + +<p>At last her cue came.</p> + +<p>"Cleopatra Alexeyevna—your cue!" said the manager.</p> + +<p>She walked on to the middle of the stage with an expression of terror on +her face; she looked ugly and stiff, and for half a minute was +speechless, perfectly motionless, except for her large earrings which +wabbled on either side of her face.</p> + +<p>"You can read your part, the first time," said some one.</p> + +<p>I could see that she was trembling so that she could neither speak nor +open her part, and that she had entirely forgotten the words and I had +just made up my mind to go up and say something to her when she suddenly +dropped down on her knees in the middle of the stage and sobbed loudly.</p> + +<p>There was a general stir and uproar. And I stood quite still by the +wings, shocked by what had happened, not understanding at all, not +knowing what to do. I saw them lift her up and lead her away. I saw +Aniuta Blagovo come up to me. I had not seen her in the hall before and +she seemed to have sprung up from the floor. She was wearing a hat and +veil, and as usual looked as if she had only dropped in for a minute.</p> + +<p>"I told her not to try to act," she said angrily, biting out each word, +with her cheeks blushing. "It is folly! You ought to have stopped her!"</p> + +<p>Mrs. Azhoguin came up in a short jacket with short sleeves. She had +tobacco ash on her thin, flat bosom.</p> + +<p>"My dear, it is too awful!" she said, wringing her hands, and as usual, +staring into my face. "It is too awful!... Your sister is in a +condition.... She is going to have a baby! You must take her away at +once...."</p> + +<p>In her agitation she breathed heavily. And behind her, stood her three +daughters, all thin and flat-chested like herself, and all huddled +together in their dismay. They were frightened, overwhelmed just as if a +convict had been caught in the house. What a shame! How awful! And this +was the family that had been fighting the prejudices and superstitions +of mankind all their lives; evidently they thought that all the +prejudices and superstitions of mankind were to be found in burning +three candles and in the number thirteen, or the unlucky day—Monday.</p> + +<p>"I must request ... request ..." Mrs. Azhoguin kept on saying, +compressing her lips and accentuating the <i>quest</i>. "I must request you +to take her away."</p> + + +<p class="rome">XVIII</p> + +<p>A little later my sister and I were walking along the street. I covered +her with the skirt of my overcoat; we hurried along through by-streets, +where there were no lamps, avoiding the passers-by, and it was like a +flight. She did not weep any more, but stared at me with dry eyes. It +was about twenty minutes' walk to Mikhokhov, whither I was taking her, +and in that short time we went over the whole of our lives, and talked +over everything, and considered the position and pondered....</p> + +<p>We decided that we could not stay in the town, and that when I could get +some money, we would go to some other place. In some of the houses the +people were asleep already, and in others they were playing cards; we +hated those houses, were afraid of them, and we talked of the +fanaticism, callousness, and nullity of these respectable families, +these lovers of dramatic art whom we had frightened so much, and I +wondered how those stupid, cruel, slothful, dishonest people were better +than the drunken and superstitious peasants of Kurilovka, or how they +were better than animals, which also lose their heads when some accident +breaks the monotony of their lives, which are limited by their +instincts. What would happen to my sister if she stayed at home? What +moral torture would she have to undergo, talking to my father and +meeting acquaintances every day? I imagined it all and there came into +my memory people I had known who had been gradually dropped by their +friends and relations, and I remember the tortured dogs which had gone +mad, and sparrows plucked alive and thrown into the water—and a whole +long series of dull, protracted sufferings which I had seen going on in +the town since my childhood; and I could not conceive what the sixty +thousand inhabitants lived for, why they read the Bible, why they +prayed, why they skimmed books and magazines. What good was all that had +been written and said, if they were in the same spiritual darkness and +had the same hatred of freedom, as if they were living hundreds and +hundreds of years ago? The builder spends his time putting up houses all +over the town, and yet would go down to his grave saying "galdary" for +"gallery." And the sixty thousand inhabitants had read and heard of +truth and mercy and freedom for generations, but to the bitter end they +would go on lying from morning to night, tormenting one another, fearing +and hating freedom as a deadly enemy.</p> + +<p>"And so, my fate is decided," said my sister when we reached home. +"After what has happened I can never go <i>there</i> again. My God, how good +it is! I feel at peace."</p> + +<p>She lay down at once. Tears shone on her eyelashes, but her expression +was happy. She slept soundly and softly, and it was clear that her heart +was easy and that she was at rest. For a long, long time she had not +slept so well.</p> + +<p>So we began to live together. She was always singing and said she felt +very well, and I took back the books we had borrowed from the library +unread, because she gave up reading; she only wanted to dream and to +talk of the future. She would hum as she mended my clothes or helped +Karpovna with the cooking, or talk of her Vladimir, of his mind, and his +goodness, and his fine manners, and his extraordinary learning. And I +agreed with her, though I no longer liked the doctor. She wanted to +work, to be independent, and to live by herself, and she said she would +become a school-teacher or a nurse as soon as her health allowed, and +she would scrub the floors and do her own washing. She loved her unborn +baby passionately, and she knew already the colour of his eyes and the +shape of his hands and how he laughed. She liked to talk of his +upbringing, and since the best man on earth was Vladimir, all her ideas +were reduced to making the boy as charming as his father. There was no +end to her chatter, and everything she talked about filled her with a +lively joy. Sometimes I, too, rejoiced, though I knew not why.</p> + +<p>She must have infected me with her dreaminess, for I, too, read nothing +and just dreamed. In the evenings, in spite of being tired, I used to +pace up and down the room with my hands in my pockets, talking about +Masha.</p> + +<p>"When do you think she will return?" I used to ask my sister. "I think +she'll be back at Christmas. Not later. What is she doing there?"</p> + +<p>"If she doesn't write to you, it means she must be coming soon."</p> + +<p>"True," I would agree, though I knew very well that there was nothing +to make Masha return to our town.</p> + +<p>I missed her very much, but I could not help deceiving myself and wanted +others to deceive me. My sister was longing for her doctor, I for Masha, +and we both laughed and talked and never saw that we were keeping +Karpovna from sleeping. She would lie on the stove and murmur:</p> + +<p>"The samovar tinkled this morning. Tink-led! That bodes nobody any good, +my merry friends!"</p> + +<p>Nobody came to the house except the postman who brought my sister +letters from the doctor, and Prokofyi, who used to come in sometimes in +the evening and glance secretly at my sister, and then go into the +kitchen and say:</p> + +<p>"Every class has its ways, and if you're too proud to understand that, +the worse for you in this vale of tears."</p> + +<p>He loved the expression—vale of tears. And—about Christmas time—when +I was going through the market, he called me into his shop, and without +giving me his hand, declared that he had some important business to +discuss. He was red in the face with the frost and with vodka; near him +by the counter stood Nicolka of the murderous face, holding a bloody +knife in his hand.</p> + +<p>"I want to be blunt with you," began Prokofyi. "This business must not +happen because, as you know, people will neither forgive you nor us for +such a vale of tears. Mother, of course, is too dutiful to say anything +unpleasant to you herself, and tell you that your sister must go +somewhere else because of her condition, but I don't want it either, +because I do not approve of her behaviour."</p> + +<p>I understood and left the shop. That very day my sister and I went to +Radish's. We had no money for a cab, so we went on foot; I carried a +bundle with all our belongings on my back, my sister had nothing in her +hands, and she was breathless and kept coughing and asking if we would +soon be there.</p> + + +<p class="rome">XIX</p> + +<p>At last there came a letter from Masha.</p> + +<p>"My dear, kind M. A.," she wrote, "my brave, sweet angel, as the old +painter calls you, good-bye. I am going to America with my father for +the exhibition. In a few days I shall be on the ocean—so far from +Dubechnia. It is awful to think of! It is vast and open like the sky and +I long for it and freedom. I rejoice and dance about and you see how +incoherent my letter is. My dear Misail, give me my freedom. Quick, tear +the thread which still holds and binds us. My meeting and knowing you +was a ray from heaven, which brightened my existence. But, you know, my +becoming your wife was a mistake, and the knowledge of the mistake +weighs me down, and I implore you on my knees, my dear, generous friend, +quick—quick—before I go over the sea—wire that you will agree to +correct our mutual mistake, remove then the only burden on my wings, and +my father, who will be responsible for the whole business, has promised +me not to overwhelm you with formalities. So, then, I am free of the +whole world? Yes?</p> + +<p>"Be happy. God bless you. Forgive my wickedness.</p> + +<p>"I am alive and well. I am squandering money on all sorts of follies, +and every minute I thank God that such a wicked woman as I am has no +children. I am singing and I am a success, but it is not a passing whim. +No. It is my haven, my convent cell where I go for rest. King David had +a ring with an inscription: 'Everything passes.' When one is sad, these +words make one cheerful; and when one is cheerful, they make one sad. +And I have got a ring with the words written in Hebrew, and this +talisman will keep me from losing my heart and head. Or does one need +nothing but consciousness of freedom, because, when one is free, one +wants nothing, nothing, nothing. Snap the thread then. I embrace you and +your sister warmly. Forgive and forget your M."</p> + +<p>My sister had one room. Radish, who had been ill and was recovering, was +in the other. Just as I received this letter, my sister went into the +painter's room and sat by his side and began to read to him. She read +Ostrovsky or Gogol to him every day, and he used to listen, staring +straight in front of him, never laughing, shaking his head, and every +now and then muttering to himself:</p> + +<p>"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!"</p> + +<p>If there was anything ugly in what she read, he would say vehemently, +pointing to the book:</p> + +<p>"There it is! Lies! That's what lies do!"</p> + +<p>Stories used to attract him by their contents as well as by their moral +and their skilfully complicated plot, and he used to marvel at <i>him</i>, +though he never called <i>him</i> by his name.</p> + +<p>"How well <i>he</i> has managed it."</p> + +<p>Now my sister read a page quickly and then stopped, because her breath +failed her. Radish held her hand, and moving his dry lips he said in a +hoarse, hardly audible voice:</p> + +<p>"The soul of the righteous is white and smooth as chalk; and the soul of +the sinner is as a pumice-stone. The soul of the righteous is clear oil, +and the soul of the sinner is coal-tar. We must work and sorrow and +pity," he went on. "And if a man does not work and sorrow he will not +enter the kingdom of heaven. Woe, woe to the well fed, woe to the +strong, woe to the rich, woe to the usurers! They will not see the +kingdom of heaven. Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron...."</p> + +<p>"And lies devour the soul," said my sister, laughing.</p> + +<p>I read the letter once more. At that moment the soldier came into the +kitchen who had brought in twice a week, without saying from whom, tea, +French bread, and pigeons, all smelling of scent. I had no work and +used to sit at home for days together, and probably the person who sent +us the bread knew that we were in want.</p> + +<p>I heard my sister talking to the soldier and laughing merrily. Then she +lay down and ate some bread and said to me:</p> + +<p>"When you wanted to get away from the office and become a house-painter, +Aniuta Blagovo and I knew from the very beginning that you were right, +but we were afraid to say so. Tell me what power is it that keeps us +from saying what we feel? There's Aniuta Blagovo. She loves you, adores +you, and she knows that you are right. She loves me, too, like a sister, +and she knows that I am right, and in her heart she envies me, but some +power prevents her coming to see us. She avoids us. She is afraid."</p> + +<p>My sister folded her hands across her bosom and said rapturously:</p> + +<p>"If you only knew how she loves you! She confessed it to me and to no +one else, very hesitatingly, in the dark. She used to take me out into +the garden, into the dark, and begin to tell me in a whisper how dear +you were to her. You will see that she will never marry because she +loves you. Are you sorry for her?"</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"It was she sent the bread. She is funny. Why should she hide herself? I +used to be silly and stupid, but I left all that and I am not afraid of +any one, and I think and say aloud what I like—and I am happy. When I +lived at home I had no notion of happiness, and now I would not change +places with a queen."</p> + +<p>Doctor Blagovo came. He had got his diploma and was now living in the +town, at his father's, taking a rest. After which he said he would go +back to Petersburg. He wanted to devote himself to vaccination against +typhus, and, I believe, cholera; he wanted to go abroad to increase his +knowledge and then to become a University professor. He had already left +the army and wore serge clothes, with well-cut coats, wide trousers, and +expensive ties. My sister was enraptured with his pins and studs and his +red-silk handkerchief, which, out of swagger, he wore in his outside +breast-pocket. Once, when we had nothing to do, she and I fell to +counting up his suits and came to the conclusion that he must have at +least ten. It was clear that he still loved my sister, but never once, +even in joke, did he talk of taking her to Petersburg or abroad with +him, and I could not imagine what would happen to her if she lived, or +what was to become of her child. But she was happy in her dreams and +would not think seriously of the future. She said he could go wherever +he liked and even cast her aside, if only he were happy himself, and +what had been was enough for her.</p> + +<p>Usually when he came to see us he would sound her very carefully, and +ask her to drink some milk with some medicine in it. He did so now. He +sounded her and made her drink a glass of milk, and the room began to +smell of creosote.</p> + +<p>"That's a good girl," he said, taking the glass from her. "You must not +talk much, and you have been chattering like a magpie lately. Please, be +quiet."</p> + +<p>She began to laugh and he came into Radish's room, where I was sitting, +and tapped me affectionately on the shoulder.</p> + +<p>"Well, old man, how are you?" he asked, bending over the patient.</p> + +<p>"Sir," said Radish, only just moving his lips. "Sir, I make so bold.... +We are all in the hands of God, and we must all die.... Let me tell you +the truth, sir.... You will never enter the kingdom of heaven."</p> + +<p>And suddenly I lost consciousness and was caught up into a dream: it was +winter, at night, and I was standing in the yard of the slaughter-house +with Prokofyi by my side, smelling of pepper-brandy; I pulled myself +together and rubbed my eyes and then I seemed to be going to the +governor's for an explanation. Nothing of the kind ever happened to me, +before or after, and I can only explain these strange dreams like +memories, by ascribing them to overstrain of the nerves. I lived again +through the scene in the slaughter-house and the conversation with the +governor, and at the same time I was conscious of its unreality.</p> + +<p>When I came to myself I saw that I was not at home, but standing with +the doctor by a lamp in the street.</p> + +<p>"It is sad, sad," he was saying with tears running down his cheeks. "She +is happy and always laughing and full of hope. But, poor darling, her +condition is hopeless. Old Radish hates me and keeps trying to make me +understand that I have wronged her. In his way he is right, but I have +my point of view, too, and I do not repent of what has happened. It is +necessary to love. We must all love. That's true, isn't it? Without love +there would be no life, and a man who avoids and fears love is not +free."</p> + +<p>We gradually passed to other subjects. He began to speak of science and +his dissertation which had been very well received in Petersburg. He +spoke enthusiastically and thought no more of my sister, or of his +going, or of myself. Life was carrying him away. She has America and a +ring with an inscription, I thought, and he has his medical degree and +his scientific career, and my sister and I are left with the past.</p> + +<p>When we parted I stood beneath the lamp and read my letter again. And I +remembered vividly how she came to me at the mill that spring morning +and lay down and covered herself with my fur coat—pretending to be just +a peasant woman. And another time—also in the early morning—when we +pulled the bow-net out of the water, and the willows on the bank +showered great drops of water on us and we laughed....</p> + +<p>All was dark in our house in Great Gentry Street. I climbed the fence, +and, as I used to do in old days, I went into the kitchen by the back +door to get a little lamp. There was nobody in the kitchen. On the stove +the samovar was singing merrily, all ready for my father. "Who pours out +my father's tea now?" I thought. I took the lamp and went on to the shed +and made a bed of old newspapers and lay down. The nails in the wall +looked ominous as before and their shadows flickered. It was cold. I +thought I saw my sister coming in with my supper, but I remembered at +once that she was ill at Radish's, and it seemed strange to me that I +should have climbed the fence and be lying in the cold shed. My mind was +blurred and filled with fantastic imaginations.</p> + +<p>A bell rang; sounds familiar from childhood; first the wire rustled +along the wall, and then there was a short, melancholy tinkle in the +kitchen. It was my father returning from the club. I got up and went +into the kitchen. Akhsinya, the cook, clapped her hands when she saw me +and began to cry:</p> + +<p>"Oh, my dear," she said in a whisper. "Oh, my dear! My God!"</p> + +<p>And in her agitation she began to pluck at her apron. On the window-sill +were two large bottles of berries soaking in vodka. I poured out a cup +and gulped it down, for I was very thirsty. Akhsinya had just scrubbed +the table and the chairs, and the kitchen had the good smell which +kitchens always have when the cook is clean and tidy. This smell and the +trilling of the cricket used to entice us into the kitchen when we were +children, and there we used to be told fairy-tales, and we played at +kings and queens....</p> + +<p>"And where is Cleopatra?" asked Akhsinya hurriedly, breathlessly. "And +where is your hat, sir? And they say your wife has gone to Petersburg."</p> + +<p>She had been with us in my mother's time and used to bathe Cleopatra and +me in a tub, and we were still children to her, and it was her duty to +correct us. In a quarter of an hour or so she laid bare all her +thoughts, which she had been storing up in her quiet kitchen all the +time I had been away. She said the doctor ought to be made to marry +Cleopatra—we would only have to frighten him a bit and make him send in +a nicely written application, and then the archbishop would dissolve his +first marriage, and it would be a good thing to sell Dubechnia without +saying anything to my wife, and to bank the money in my own name; and if +my sister and I went on our knees to our father and asked him nicely, +then perhaps he would forgive us; and we ought to pray to the Holy +Mother to intercede for us....</p> + +<p>"Now, sir, go and talk to him," she said, when we heard my father's +cough. "Go, speak to him, and beg his pardon. He won't bite your head +off."</p> + +<p>I went in. My father was sitting at his desk working on the plan of a +bungalow with Gothic windows and a stumpy tower like the lookout of a +fire-station—an immensely stiff and inartistic design. As I entered the +study I stood so that I could not help seeing the plan. I did not know +why I had come to my father, but I remember that when I saw his thin +face, red neck, and his shadow on the wall, I wanted to throw my arms +round him and, as Akhsinya had bid me, to beg his pardon humbly; but the +sight of the bungalow with the Gothic windows and the stumpy tower +stopped me.</p> + +<p>"Good evening," I said.</p> + +<p>He glanced at me and at once cast his eyes down on his plan.</p> + +<p>"What do you want?" he asked after a while.</p> + +<p>"I came to tell you that my sister is very ill. She is dying," I said +dully.</p> + +<p>"Well?" My father sighed, took off his spectacles and laid them on the +table. "As you have sown, so you must reap. I want you to remember how +you came to me two years ago, and on this very spot I asked you to give +up your delusions, and I reminded you of your honour, your duty, your +obligations to your ancestors, whose traditions must be kept sacred. Did +you listen to me? You spurned my advice and clung to your wicked +opinions; furthermore, you dragged your sister into your abominable +delusions and brought about her downfall and her shame. Now you are both +suffering for it. As you have sown, so you must reap."</p> + +<p>He paced up and down the study as he spoke. Probably he thought that I +had come to him to admit that I was wrong, and probably he was waiting +for me to ask his help for my sister and myself. I was cold, but I +shook as though I were in a fever, and I spoke with difficulty in a +hoarse voice.</p> + +<p>"And I must ask you to remember," I said, "that on this very spot I +implored you to try to understand me, to reflect, and to think what we +were living for and to what end, and your answer was to talk about my +ancestors and my grandfather who wrote verses. Now you are told that +your only daughter is in a hopeless condition and you talk of ancestors +and traditions!... And you can maintain such frivolity when death is +near and you have only five or ten years left to live!"</p> + +<p>"Why did you come here?" asked my father sternly, evidently affronted at +my reproaching him with frivolity.</p> + +<p>"I don't know. I love you. I am more sorry than I can say that we are so +far apart. That is why I came. I still love you, but my sister has +finally broken with you. She does not forgive you and will never forgive +you. Your very name fills her with hatred of her past life."</p> + +<p>"And who is to blame?" cried my father. "You, you scoundrel!"</p> + +<p>"Yes. Say that I am to blame," I said. "I admit that I am to blame for +many things, but why is your life, which you have tried to force on us, +so tedious and frigid, and ungracious, why are there no people in any of +the houses you have built during the last thirty years from whom I could +learn how to live and how to avoid such suffering? These houses of +yours are infernal dungeons in which mothers and daughters are +persecuted, children are tortured.... My poor mother! My unhappy sister! +One needs to drug oneself with vodka, cards, scandal; cringe, play the +hypocrite, and go on year after year designing rotten houses, not to see +the horror that lurks in them. Our town has been in existence for +hundreds of years, and during the whole of that time it has not given +the country one useful man—not one! You have strangled in embryo +everything that was alive and joyous! A town of shopkeepers, publicans, +clerks, and hypocrites, an aimless, futile town, and not a soul would be +the worse if it were suddenly razed to the ground."</p> + +<p>"I don't want to hear you, you scoundrel," said my father, taking a +ruler from his desk. "You are drunk! You dare come into your father's +presence in such a state! I tell you for the last time, and you can tell +this to your strumpet of a sister, that you will get nothing from me. I +have torn my disobedient children out of my heart, and if they suffer +through their disobedience and obstinacy I have no pity for them. You +may go back where you came from! God has been pleased to punish me +through you. I will humbly bear my punishment and, like Job, I find +consolation in suffering and unceasing toil. You shall not cross my +threshold until you have mended your ways. I am a just man, and +everything I say is practical good sense, and if you had any regard for +yourself, you would remember what I have said, and what I am saying +now."</p> + +<p>I threw up my hands and went out; I do not remember what happened that +night or next day.</p> + +<p>They say that I went staggering through the street without a hat, +singing aloud, with crowds of little boys shouting after me:</p> + +<p>"Little Profit! Little Profit!"</p> + + +<p class="rome">XX</p> + +<p>If I wanted to order a ring, I would have it inscribed: "Nothing +passes." I believe that nothing passes without leaving some trace, and +that every little step has some meaning for the present and the future +life.</p> + +<p>What I lived through was not in vain. My great misfortunes, my patience, +moved the hearts of the people of the town and they no longer call me +"Little Profit," they no longer laugh at me and throw water over me as I +walk through the market. They got used to my being a working man and see +nothing strange in my carrying paint-pots and glazing windows; on the +contrary, they give me orders, and I am considered a good workman and +the best contractor, after Radish, who, though he recovered and still +paints the cupolas of the church without scaffolding, is not strong +enough to manage the men, and I have taken his place and go about the +town touting for orders, and take on and sack the men, and lend money +at exorbitant interest. And now that I am a contractor I can understand +how it is possible to spend several days hunting through the town for +slaters to carry out a trifling order. People are polite to me, and +address me respectfully and give me tea in the houses where I work, and +send the servant to ask me if I would like dinner. Children and girls +often come and watch me with curious, sad eyes.</p> + +<p>Once I was working in the governor's garden, painting the summer-house +marble. The governor came into the summer-house, and having nothing +better to do, began to talk to me, and I reminded him how he had once +sent for me to caution me. For a moment he stared at my face, opened his +mouth like a round O, waved his hands, and said:</p> + +<p>"I don't remember."</p> + +<p>I am growing old, taciturn, crotchety, strict; I seldom laugh, and +people say I am growing like Radish, and, like him, I bore the men with +my aimless moralising.</p> + +<p>Maria Victorovna, my late wife, lives abroad, and her father is making a +railway somewhere in the Eastern provinces and buying land there. Doctor +Blagovo is also abroad. Dubechnia has passed to Mrs. Cheprakov, who +bought it from the engineer after haggling him into a twenty-per-cent +reduction in the price. Moissey walks about in a bowler hat; he often +drives into town in a trap and stops outside the bank. People say he has +already bought an estate on a mortgage, and is always inquiring at the +bank about Dubechnia, which he also intends to buy. Poor Ivan Cheprakov +used to hang about the town, doing nothing and drinking. I tried to give +him a job in our business, and for a time he worked with us painting +roofs and glazing, and he rather took to it, and, like a regular +house-painter, he stole the oil, and asked for tips, and got drunk. But +it soon bored him. He got tired of it and went back to Dubechnia, and +some time later I was told by the peasants that he had been inciting +them to kill Moissey one night and rob Mrs. Cheprakov.</p> + +<p>My father has got very old and bent, and just takes a little walk in the +evening near his house.</p> + +<p>When we had the cholera, Prokofyi cured the shopkeepers with +pepper-brandy and tar and took money for it, and as I read in the +newspaper, he was flogged for libelling the doctors as he sat in his +shop. His boy Nicolka died of cholera. Karpovna is still alive, and +still loves and fears her Prokofyi. Whenever she sees me she sadly +shakes her head and says with a sigh:</p> + +<p>"Poor thing. You are lost!"</p> + +<p>On week-days I am busy from early morning till late at night. And on +Sundays and holidays I take my little niece (my sister expected a boy, +but a girl was born) and go with her to the cemetery, where I stand or +sit and look at the grave of my dear one, and tell the child that her +mother is lying there.</p> + +<p>Sometimes I find Aniuta Blagovo by the grave. We greet each other and +stand silently, or we talk of Cleopatra, and the child, and the sadness +of this life. Then we leave the cemetery and walk in silence and she +lags behind—on purpose, to avoid staying with me. The little girl, +joyful, happy, with her eyes half-closed against the brilliant sunlight, +laughs and holds out her little hands to her, and we stop and together +we fondle the darling child.</p> + +<p>And when we reach the town, Aniuta Blagovo, blushing and agitated, says +good-bye, and walks on alone, serious and circumspect.... And, to look +at her, none of the passers-by could imagine that she had just been +walking by my side and even fondling the child.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="c top15">BOOKS BY ANTON TCHEKOFF</p> + +<p class="c"><span class="smcap">Published by CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS</span></p> + +<table summary="books" cellspacing="4" cellpadding="0"> +<tr valign="bottom"><td>THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE<br /> + and Other Stories. 12mo</td><td align="right">$1.35 <i>net</i></td></tr> + +<tr valign="bottom"><td>RUSSIAN SILHOUETTES. 12mo</td><td align="right">$1.35 <i>net</i></td></tr> + +<tr valign="bottom"><td>STORIES OF RUSSIAN LIFE. 12mo</td><td align="right">$1.35 <i>net</i></td></tr> + +<tr valign="bottom"><td>PLAYS. FIRST SERIES: "Uncle Vanya,"<br /> + "Ivanoff," "The Sea Gull," "The Swan<br /> + Song." 12mo</td><td align="right">$1.50 <i>net</i></td></tr> + +<tr valign="bottom"><td>PLAYS. SECOND SERIES: "On the High<br /> + Road," "The Proposal," "The Wedding,"<br /> + "The Bear," "A Tragedian in<br /> + Spite of Himself," "The Anniversary,"<br /> + "The Three Sisters," "The Cherry Orchard."<br /> + 12mo</td><td align="right">$1.50 <i>net</i></td></tr> +</table> + +<hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The House with the Mezzanine and Other +Stories, by Anton Tchekoff + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE *** + +***** This file should be named 27411-h.htm or 27411-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/4/1/27411/ + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was +produced from scanned images of public domain material +from the Google Print project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The House with the Mezzanine and Other Stories + +Author: Anton Tchekoff + +Translator: S.S. Koteliansky + Gilbert Cannan + +Release Date: December 4, 2008 [EBook #27411] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE *** + + + + +Produced by Chuck Greif and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was +produced from scanned images of public domain material +from the Google Print project.) + + + + + + + + + + +THE HOUSE + +WITH THE MEZZANINE + +AND OTHER STORIES + +BY + +ANTON TCHEKOFF + +TRANSLATED FROM THE RUSSIAN BY + +S. S. KOTELIANSKY +AND +GILBERT CANNAN + +NEW YORK +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS +1917 + +COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY +CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +Published August, 1917 + + + + +CONTENTS + + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE + +TYPHUS + +GOOSEBERRIES + +IN EXILE + +THE LADY WITH THE TOY DOG + +GOUSSIEV + +MY LIFE + + + + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE + +(A PAINTER'S STORY) + + +It happened nigh on seven years ago, when I was living in one of the +districts of the J. province, on the estate of Bielokurov, a landowner, +a young man who used to get up early, dress himself in a long overcoat, +drink beer in the evenings, and all the while complain to me that he +could nowhere find any one in sympathy with his ideas. He lived in a +little house in the orchard, and I lived in the old manor-house, in a +huge pillared hall where there was no furniture except a large divan, on +which I slept, and a table at which I used to play patience. Even in +calm weather there was always a moaning in the chimney, and in a storm +the whole house would rock and seem as though it must split, and it was +quite terrifying, especially at night, when all the ten great windows +were suddenly lit up by a flash of lightning. + +Doomed by fate to permanent idleness, I did positively nothing. For +hours together I would sit and look through the windows at the sky, the +birds, the trees and read my letters over and over again, and then for +hours together I would sleep. Sometimes I would go out and wander +aimlessly until evening. + +Once on my way home I came unexpectedly on a strange farmhouse. The sun +was already setting, and the lengthening shadows were thrown over the +ripening corn. Two rows of closely planted tall fir-trees stood like two +thick walls, forming a sombre, magnificent avenue. I climbed the fence +and walked up the avenue, slipping on the fir needles which lay two +inches thick on the ground. It was still, dark, and only here and there +in the tops of the trees shimmered a bright gold light casting the +colours of the rainbow on a spider's web. The smell of the firs was +almost suffocating. Then I turned into an avenue of limes. And here too +were desolation and decay; the dead leaves rustled mournfully beneath my +feet, and there were lurking shadows among the trees. To the right, in +an old orchard, a goldhammer sang a faint reluctant song, and he too +must have been old. The lime-trees soon came to an end and I came to a +white house with a terrace and a mezzanine, and suddenly a vista opened +upon a farmyard with a pond and a bathing-shed, and a row of green +willows, with a village beyond, and above it stood a tall, slender +belfry, on which glowed a cross catching the light of the setting sun. +For a moment I was possessed with a sense of enchantment, intimate, +particular, as though I had seen the scene before in my childhood. + +By the white-stone gate surmounted with stone lions, which led from the +yard into the field, stood two girls. One of them, the elder, thin, +pale, very handsome, with masses of chestnut hair and a little stubborn +mouth, looked rather prim and scarcely glanced at me; the other, who was +quite young--seventeen or eighteen, no more, also thin and pale, with a +big mouth and big eyes, looked at me in surprise, as I passed, said +something in English and looked confused, and it seemed to me that I had +always known their dear faces. And I returned home feeling as though I +had awoke from a pleasant dream. + +Soon after that, one afternoon, when Bielokurov and I were walking near +the house, suddenly there came into the yard a spring-carriage in which +sat one of the two girls, the elder. She had come to ask for +subscriptions to a fund for those who had suffered in a recent fire. +Without looking at us, she told us very seriously how many houses had +been burned down in Sianov, how many men, women, and children had been +left without shelter, and what had been done by the committee of which +she was a member. She gave us the list for us to write our names, put it +away, and began to say good-bye. + +"You have completely forgotten us, Piotr Petrovich," she said to +Bielokurov, as she gave him her hand. "Come and see us, and if Mr. N. +(she said my name) would like to see how the admirers of his talent live +and would care to come and see us, then mother and I would be very +pleased." + +I bowed. + +When she had gone Piotr Petrovich began to tell me about her. The girl, +he said, was of a good family and her name was Lydia Volchaninov, and +the estate, on which she lived with her mother and sister, was called, +like the village on the other side of the pond, Sholkovka. Her father +had once occupied an eminent position in Moscow and died a privy +councillor. Notwithstanding their large means, the Volchaninovs always +lived in the village, summer and winter, and Lydia was a teacher in the +Zemstvo School at Sholkovka and earned twenty-five roubles a month. She +only spent what she earned on herself and was proud of her independence. + +"They are an interesting family," said Bielokurov. "We ought to go and +see them. They will be very glad to see you." + +One afternoon, during a holiday, we remembered the Volchaninovs and went +over to Sholkovka. They were all at home. The mother, Ekaterina +Pavlovna, had obviously once been handsome, but now she was stouter +than her age warranted, suffered from asthma, was melancholy and +absent-minded as she tried to entertain me with talk about painting. +When she heard from her daughter that I might perhaps come over to +Sholkovka, she hurriedly called to mind a few of my landscapes which she +had seen in exhibitions in Moscow, and now she asked what I had tried to +express in them. Lydia, or as she was called at home, Lyda, talked more +to Bielokurov than to me. Seriously and without a smile, she asked him +why he did not work for the Zemstvo and why up till now he had never +been to a Zemstvo meeting. + +"It is not right of you, Piotr Petrovich," she said reproachfully. "It +is not right. It is a shame." + +"True, Lyda, true," said her mother. "It is not right." + +"All our district is in Balaguin's hands," Lyda went on, turning to me. +"He is the chairman of the council and all the jobs in the district are +given to his nephews and brothers-in-law, and he does exactly as he +likes. We ought to fight him. The young people ought to form a strong +party; but you see what our young men are like. It is a shame, Piotr +Petrovich." + +The younger sister, Genya, was silent during the conversation about the +Zemstvo. She did not take part in serious conversations, for by the +family she was not considered grown-up, and they gave her her baby-name, +Missyuss, because as a child she used to call her English governess +that. All the time she examined me curiously and when I looked at the +photograph-album she explained: "This is my uncle.... That is my +godfather," and fingered the portraits, and at the same time touched me +with her shoulder in a childlike way, and I could see her small, +undeveloped bosom, her thin shoulders, her long, slim waist tightly +drawn in by a belt. + +We played croquet and lawn-tennis, walked in the garden, had tea, and +then a large supper. After the huge pillared hall, I felt out of tune in +the small cosy house, where there were no oleographs on the walls and +the servants were treated considerately, and everything seemed to me +young and pure, through the presence of Lyda and Missyuss, and +everything was decent and orderly. At supper Lyda again talked to +Bielokurov about the Zemstvo, about Balaguin, about school libraries. +She was a lively, sincere, serious girl, and it was interesting to +listen to her, though she spoke at length and in a loud voice--perhaps +because she was used to holding forth at school. On the other hand, +Piotr Petrovich, who from his university days had retained the habit of +reducing any conversation to a discussion, spoke tediously, slowly, and +deliberately, with an obvious desire to be taken for a clever and +progressive man. He gesticulated and upset the sauce with his sleeve and +it made a large pool on the table-cloth, though nobody but myself seemed +to notice it. + +When we returned home the night was dark and still. + +"I call it good breeding," said Bielokurov, with a sigh, "not so much +not to upset the sauce on the table, as not to notice it when some one +else has done it. Yes. An admirable intellectual family. I'm rather out +of touch with nice people. Ah! terribly. And all through business, +business, business!" + +He went on to say what hard work being a good farmer meant. And I +thought: What a stupid, lazy lout! When we talked seriously he would +drag it out with his awful drawl--er, er, er--and he works just as he +talks--slowly, always behindhand, never up to time; and as for his being +businesslike, I don't believe it, for he often keeps letters given him +to post for weeks in his pocket. + +"The worst of it is," he murmured as he walked along by my side, "the +worst of it is that you go working away and never get any sympathy from +anybody." + + +II + +I began to frequent the Volchaninovs' house. Usually I sat on the bottom +step of the veranda. I was filled with dissatisfaction, vague discontent +with my life, which had passed so quickly and uninterestingly, and I +thought all the while how good it would be to tear out of my breast my +heart which had grown so weary. There would be talk going on on the +terrace, the rustling of dresses, the fluttering of the pages of a +book. I soon got used to Lyda receiving the sick all day long, and +distributing books, and I used often to go with her to the village, +bareheaded, under an umbrella. And in the evening she would hold forth +about the Zemstvo and schools. She was very handsome, subtle, correct, +and her lips were thin and sensitive, and whenever a serious +conversation started she would say to me drily: + +"This won't interest you." + +I was not sympathetic to her. She did not like me because I was a +landscape-painter, and in my pictures did not paint the suffering of the +masses, and I seemed to her indifferent to what she believed in. I +remember once driving along the shore of the Baikal and I met a Bouryat +girl, in shirt and trousers of Chinese cotton, on horseback: I asked her +if she would sell me her pipe and, while we were talking, she looked +with scorn at my European face and hat, and in a moment she got bored +with talking to me, whooped and galloped away. And in exactly the same +way Lyda despised me as a stranger. Outwardly she never showed her +dislike of me, but I felt it, and, as I sat on the bottom step of the +terrace, I had a certain irritation and said that treating the peasants +without being a doctor meant deceiving them, and that it is easy to be +a benefactor when one owns four thousand acres. + +Her sister, Missyuss, had no such cares and spent her time in complete +idleness, like myself. As soon as she got up in the morning she would +take a book and read it on the terrace, sitting far back in a lounge +chair so that her feet hardly touched the ground, or she would hide +herself with her book in the lime-walk, or she would go through the gate +into the field. She would read all day long, eagerly poring over the +book, and only through her looking fatigued, dizzy, and pale sometimes, +was it possible to guess how much her reading exhausted her. When she +saw me come she would blush a little and leave her book, and, looking +into my face with her big eyes, she would tell me of things that had +happened, how the chimney in the servants' room had caught fire, or how +the labourer had caught a large fish in the pond. On week-days she +usually wore a bright-coloured blouse and a dark-blue skirt. We used to +go out together and pluck cherries for jam, in the boat, and when she +jumped to reach a cherry, or pulled the oars, her thin, round arms would +shine through her wide sleeves. Or I would make a sketch and she would +stand and watch me breathlessly. + +One Sunday, at the end of June, I went over to the Volchaninovs in the +morning about nine o'clock. I walked through the park, avoiding the +house, looking for mushrooms, which were very plentiful that summer, +and marking them so as to pick them later with Genya. A warm wind was +blowing. I met Genya and her mother, both in bright Sunday dresses, +going home from church, and Genya was holding her hat against the wind. +They told me they were going to have tea on the terrace. + +As a man without a care in the world, seeking somehow to justify his +constant idleness, I have always found such festive mornings in a +country house universally attractive. When the green garden, still moist +with dew, shines in the sun and seems happy, and when the terrace smells +of mignonette and oleander, and the young people have just returned from +church and drink tea in the garden, and when they are all so gaily +dressed and so merry, and when you know that all these healthy, +satisfied, beautiful people will do nothing all day long, then you long +for all life to be like that. So I thought then as I walked through the +garden, quite prepared to drift like that without occupation or purpose, +all through the day, all through the summer. + +Genya carried a basket and she looked as though she knew that she would +find me there. We gathered mushrooms and talked, and whenever she asked +me a question she stood in front of me to see my face. + +"Yesterday," she said, "a miracle happened in our village. Pelagueya, +the cripple, has been ill for a whole year, and no doctors or medicines +were any good, but yesterday an old woman muttered over her and she got +better." + +"That's nothing," I said. "One should not go to sick people and old +women for miracles. Is not health a miracle? And life itself? A miracle +is something incomprehensible." + +"And you are not afraid of the incomprehensible?" + +"No. I like to face things I do not understand and I do not submit to +them. I am superior to them. Man must think himself higher than lions, +tigers, stars, higher than anything in nature, even higher than that +which seems incomprehensible and miraculous. Otherwise he is not a man, +but a mouse which is afraid of everything." + +Genya thought that I, as an artist, knew a great deal and could guess +what I did not know. She wanted me to lead her into the region of the +eternal and the beautiful, into the highest world, with which, as she +thought, I was perfectly familiar, and she talked to me of God, of +eternal life, of the miraculous. And I, who did not admit that I and my +imagination would perish for ever, would reply: "Yes. Men are immortal. +Yes, eternal life awaits us." And she would listen and believe me and +never asked for proof. + +As we approached the house she suddenly stopped and said: + +"Our Lyda is a remarkable person, isn't she? I love her dearly and would +gladly sacrifice my life for her at any time. But tell me"--Genya +touched my sleeve with her finger--"but tell me, why do you argue with +her all the time? Why are you so irritated?" + +"Because she is not right." + +Genya shook her head and tears came to her eyes. + +"How incomprehensible!" she muttered. + +At that moment Lyda came out, and she stood by the balcony with a +riding-whip in her hand, and looked very fine and pretty in the +sunlight as she gave some orders to a farm-hand. Bustling about and +talking loudly, she tended two or three of her patients, and then with a +businesslike, preoccupied look she walked through the house, opening one +cupboard after another, and at last went off to the attic; it took some +time to find her for dinner and she did not come until we had finished +the soup. Somehow I remember all these, little details and love to dwell +on them, and I remember the whole of that day vividly, though nothing +particular happened. After dinner Genya read, lying in her lounge chair, +and I sat on the bottom step of the terrace. We were silent. The sky was +overcast and a thin fine rain began to fall. It was hot, the wind had +dropped, and it seemed the day would never end. Ekaterina Pavlovna came +out on to the terrace with a fan, looking very sleepy. + +"O, mamma," said Genya, kissing her hand. "It is not good for you to +sleep during the day." + +They adored each other. When one went into the garden, the other would +stand on the terrace and look at the trees and call: "Hello!" "Genya!" +or "Mamma, dear, where are you?" They always prayed together and shared +the same faith, and they understood each other very well, even when they +were silent. And they treated other people in exactly the same way. +Ekaterina Pavlovna also soon got used to me and became attached to me, +and when I did not turn up for a few days she would send to inquire if I +was well. And she too used to look admiringly at my sketches, and with +the same frank loquacity she would tell me things that happened, and she +would confide her domestic secrets to me. + +She revered her elder daughter. Lyda never came to her for caresses, and +only talked about serious things: she went her own way and to her mother +and sister she was as sacred and enigmatic as the admiral, sitting in +his cabin, to his sailors. + +"Our Lyda is a remarkable person," her mother would often say; "isn't +she?" + +And, now, as the soft rain fell, we spoke of Lyda: + +"She is a remarkable woman," said her mother, and added in a low voice +like a conspirator's as she looked round, "such as she have to be looked +for with a lamp in broad daylight, though you know, I am beginning to be +anxious. The school, pharmacies, books--all very well, but why go to +such extremes? She is twenty-three and it is time for her to think +seriously about herself. If she goes on with her books and her +pharmacies she won't know how life has passed.... She ought to marry." + +Genya, pale with reading, and with her hair ruffled, looked up and said, +as if to herself, as she glanced at her mother: + +"Mamma, dear, everything depends on the will of God." + +And once more she plunged into her book. + +Bielokurov came over in a _poddiovka_, wearing an embroidered shirt. We +played croquet and lawn-tennis, and when it grew dark we had a long +supper, and Lyda once more spoke of her schools and Balaguin, who had +got the whole district into his own hands. As I left the Volchaninovs +that night I carried away an impression of a long, long idle day, with a +sad consciousness that everything ends, however long it may be. Genya +took me to the gate, and perhaps, because she had spent the whole day +with me from the beginning to end, I felt somehow lonely without her, +and the whole kindly family was dear to me: and for the first time +during the whole of that summer I had a desire to work. + +"Tell me why you lead such a monotonous life," I asked Bielokurov, as we +went home. "My life is tedious, dull, monotonous, because I am a +painter, a queer fish, and have been worried all my life with envy, +discontent, disbelief in my work: I am always poor, I am a vagabond, but +you are a wealthy, normal man, a landowner, a gentleman--why do you live +so tamely and take so little from life? Why, for instance, haven't you +fallen in love with Lyda or Genya?" + +"You forget that I love another woman," answered Bielokurov. + +He meant his mistress, Lyabor Ivanovna, who lived with him in the +orchard house. I used to see the lady every day, very stout, podgy, +pompous, like a fatted goose, walking in the garden in a Russian +head-dress, always with a sunshade, and the servants used to call her to +meals or tea. Three years ago she rented a part of his house for the +summer, and stayed on to live with Bielokurov, apparently for ever. She +was ten years older than he and managed him very strictly, so that he +had to ask her permission to go out. She would often sob and make +horrible noises like a man with a cold, and then I used to send and tell +her that I'm if she did not stop I would go away. Then she would stop. + +When we reached home, Bielokurov sat down on the divan and frowned and +brooded, and I began to pace up and down the hall, feeling a sweet +stirring in me, exactly like the stirring of love. I wanted to talk +about the Volchaninovs. + +"Lyda could only fall in love with a Zemstvo worker like herself, some +one who is run off his legs with hospitals and schools," I said. "For +the sake of a girl like that a man might not only become a Zemstvo +worker, but might even become worn out, like the tale of the iron boots. +And Missyuss? How charming Missyuss is!" + +Bielokurov began to talk at length and with his drawling er-er-ers of +the disease of the century--pessimism. He spoke confidently and +argumentatively. Hundreds of miles of deserted, monotonous, blackened +steppe could not so forcibly depress the mind as a man like that, +sitting and talking and showing no signs of going away. + +"The point is neither pessimism nor optimism," I said irritably, "but +that ninety-nine out of a hundred have no sense." + +Bielokurov took this to mean himself, was offended, and went away. + + +III + +"The Prince is on a visit to Malozyomov and sends you his regards," said +Lyda to her mother, as she came in and took off her gloves. "He told me +many interesting things. He promised to bring forward in the Zemstvo +Council the question of a medical station at Malozyomov, but he says +there is little hope." And turning to me, she said: "Forgive me, I keep +forgetting that you are not interested." + +I felt irritated. + +"Why not?" I asked and shrugged my shoulders. "You don't care about my +opinion, but I assure you, the question greatly interests me." + +"Yes?" + +"In my opinion there is absolutely no need for a medical station at +Malozyomov." + +My irritation affected her: she gave a glance at me, half closed her +eyes and said: + +"What is wanted then? Landscapes?" + +"Not landscapes either. Nothing is wanted there." + +She finished taking off her gloves and took up a newspaper which had +just come by post; a moment later, she said quietly, apparently +controlling herself: + +"Last week Anna died in childbirth, and if a medical man had been +available she would have lived. However, I suppose landscape-painters +are entitled to their opinions." + +"I have a very definite opinion, I assure you," said I, and she took +refuge behind the newspaper, as though she did not wish to listen. "In +my opinion medical stations, schools, libraries, pharmacies, under +existing conditions, only lead to slavery. The masses are caught in a +vast chain: you do not cut it but only add new links to it. That is my +opinion." + +She looked at me and smiled mockingly, and I went on, striving to catch +the thread of my ideas. + +"It does not matter that Anna should die in childbirth, but it does +matter that all these Annas, Mavras, Pelagueyas, from dawn to sunset +should be grinding away, ill from overwork, all their lives worried +about their starving sickly children; all their lives they are afraid of +death and disease, and have to be looking after themselves; they fade in +youth, grow old very early, and die in filth and dirt; their children as +they grow up go the same way and hundreds of years slip by and millions +of people live worse than animals--in constant dread of never having a +crust to eat; but the horror of their position is that they have no time +to think of their souls, no time to remember that they are made in the +likeness of God; hunger, cold, animal fear, incessant work, like drifts +of snow block all the ways to spiritual activity, to the very thing that +distinguishes man from the animals, and is the only thing indeed that +makes life worth living. You come to their assistance with hospitals and +schools, but you do not free them from their fetters; on the contrary, +you enslave them even more, since by introducing new prejudices into +their lives, you increase the number of their demands, not to mention +the fact that they have to pay the Zemstvo for their drugs and +pamphlets, and therefore, have to work harder than ever." + +"I will not argue with you," said Lyda. "I have heard all that." She put +down her paper. "I will only tell you one thing, it is no good sitting +with folded hands. It is true, we do not save mankind, and perhaps we do +make mistakes, but we do what we can and we are right. The highest and +most sacred truth for an educated being--is to help his neighbours, and +we do what we can to help. You do not like it, but it is impossible to +please everybody." + +"True, Lyda, true," said her mother. + +In Lyda's presence her courage always failed her, and as she talked she +would look timidly at her, for she was afraid of saying something +foolish or out of place: and she never contradicted, but would always +agree: "True, Lyda, true." + +"Teaching peasants to read and write, giving them little moral pamphlets +and medical assistance, cannot decrease either ignorance or mortality, +just as the light from your windows cannot illuminate this huge garden," +I said. "You give nothing by your interference in the lives of these +people. You only create new demands, and a new compulsion to work." + +"Ah! My God, but we must do something!" said Lyda exasperatedly, and I +could tell by her voice that she thought my opinions negligible and +despised me. + +"It is necessary," I said, "to free people from hard physical work. It +is necessary to relieve them of their yoke, to give them breathing +space, to save them from spending their whole lives in the kitchen or +the byre, in the fields; they should have time to take thought of their +souls, of God and to develop their spiritual capacities. Every human +being's salvation lies in spiritual activity--in his continual search +for truth and the meaning of life. Give them some relief from rough, +animal labour, let them feel free, then you will see how ridiculous at +bottom your pamphlets and pharmacies are. Once a human being is aware of +his vocation, then he can only be satisfied with religion, service, art, +and not with trifles like that." + +"Free them from work?" Lyda gave a smile. "Is that possible?" + +"Yes.... Take upon yourself a part of their work. If we all, in town and +country, without exception, agreed to share the work which is being +spent by mankind in the satisfaction of physical demands, then none of +us would have to work more than two or three hours a day. If all of us, +rich and poor, worked three hours a day the rest of our time would be +free. And then to be still less dependent on our bodies, we should +invent machines to do the work and we should try to reduce our demands +to the minimum. We should toughen ourselves and our children should not +be afraid of hunger and cold, and we should not be anxious about their +health, as Anna, Maria, Pelagueya were anxious. Then supposing we did +not bother about doctors and pharmacies, and did away with tobacco +factories and distilleries--what a lot of free time we should have! We +should give our leisure to service and the arts. Just as peasants all +work together to repair the roads, so the whole community would work +together to seek truth and the meaning of life, and, I am sure of +it--truth would be found very soon, man would get rid of his continual, +poignant, depressing fear of death and even of death itself." + +"But you contradict yourself," said Lyda. "You talk about service and +deny education." + +"I deny the education of a man who can only use it to read the signs on +the public houses and possibly a pamphlet which he is incapable of +understanding--the kind of education we have had from the time of +Riurik: and village life has remained exactly as it was then. Not +education is wanted but freedom for the full development of spiritual +capacities. Not schools are wanted but universities." + +"You deny medicine too." + +"Yes. It should only be used for the investigation of diseases, as +natural phenomenon, not for their cure. It is no good curing diseases if +you don't cure their causes. Remove the chief cause--physical labour, +and there will be no diseases. I don't acknowledge the science which +cures," I went on excitedly. "Science and art, when they are true, are +directed not to temporary or private purposes, but to the eternal and +the general--they seek the truth and the meaning of life, they seek God, +the soul, and when they are harnessed to passing needs and activities, +like pharmacies and libraries, then they only complicate and encumber +life. We have any number of doctors, pharmacists, lawyers, and highly +educated people, but we have no biologists, mathematicians, +philosophers, poets. All our intellectual and spiritual energy is wasted +on temporary passing needs.... Scientists, writers, painters work and +work, and thanks to them the comforts of life grow greater every day, +the demands of the body multiply, but we are still a long way from the +truth and man still remains the most rapacious and unseemly of animals, +and everything tends to make the majority of mankind degenerate and more +and more lacking in vitality. Under such conditions the life of an +artist has no meaning and the more talented he is, the more strange and +incomprehensible his position is, since it only amounts to his working +for the amusement of the predatory, disgusting animal, man, and +supporting the existing state of things. And I don't want to work and +will not.... Nothing is wanted, so let the world go to hell." + +"Missyuss, go away," said Lyda to her sister, evidently thinking my +words dangerous to so young a girl. + +Genya looked sadly at her sister and mother and went out. + +"People generally talk like that," said Lyda, "when they want to excuse +their indifference. It is easier to deny hospitals and schools than to +come and teach." + +"True, Lyda, true," her mother agreed. + +"You say you will not work," Lyda went on. "Apparently you set a high +price on your work, but do stop arguing. We shall never agree, since I +value the most imperfect library or pharmacy, of which you spoke so +scornfully just now, more than all the landscapes in the world." And at +once she turned to her mother and began to talk in quite a different +tone: "The Prince has got very thin, and is much changed since the last +time he was here. The doctors are sending him to Vichy." + +She talked to her mother about the Prince to avoid talking to me. Her +face was burning, and, in order to conceal her agitation, she bent over +the table as if she were short-sighted and made a show of reading the +newspaper. My presence was distasteful to her. I took my leave and went +home. + + +IV + +All was quiet outside: the village on the other side of the pond was +already asleep, not a single light was to be seen, and on the pond +there was only the faint reflection of the stars. By the gate with the +stone lions stood Genya, waiting to accompany me. + +"The village is asleep," I said, trying to see her face in the darkness, +and I could see her dark sad eyes fixed on me. "The innkeeper and the +horse-stealers are sleeping quietly, and decent people like ourselves +quarrel and irritate each other." + +It was a melancholy August night--melancholy because it already smelled +of the autumn: the moon rose behind a purple cloud and hardly lighted +the road and the dark fields of winter corn on either side. Stars fell +frequently, Genya walked beside me on the road and tried not to look at +the sky, to avoid seeing the falling stars, which somehow frightened +her. + +"I believe you are right," she said, trembling in the evening chill. "If +people could give themselves to spiritual activity, they would soon +burst everything." + +"Certainly. We are superior beings, and if we really knew all the power +of the human genius and lived only for higher purposes then we should +become like gods. But this will never be. Mankind will degenerate and of +their genius not a trace will be left." + +When the gate was out of sight Genya stopped and hurriedly shook my +hand. + +"Good night," she said, trembling; her shoulders were covered only with +a thin blouse and she was shivering with cold. "Come to-morrow." + +I was filled with a sudden dread of being left alone with my inevitable +dissatisfaction with myself and people, and I, too, tried not to see the +falling stars. + +"Stay with me a little longer," I said. "Please." + +I loved Genya, and she must have loved me, because she used to meet me +and walk with me, and because she looked at me with tender admiration. +How thrillingly beautiful her pale face was, her thin nose, her arms, +her slenderness, her idleness, her constant reading. And her mind? I +suspected her of having an unusual intellect: I was fascinated by the +breadth of her views, perhaps because she thought differently from the +strong, handsome Lyda, who did not love me. Genya liked me as a painter, +I had conquered her heart by my talent, and I longed passionately to +paint only for her, and I dreamed of her as my little queen, who would +one day possess with me the trees, the fields, the river, the dawn, all +Nature, wonderful and fascinating, with whom, as with them, I have felt +helpless and useless. + +"Stay with me a moment longer," I called. "I implore you." + +I took off my overcoat and covered her childish shoulders. Fearing that +she would look queer and ugly in a man's coat, she began to laugh and +threw it off, and as she did so, I embraced her and began to cover her +face, her shoulders, her arms with kisses. + +"Till to-morrow," she whispered timidly as though she was afraid to +break the stillness of the night. She embraced me: "We have no secrets +from one another. I must tell mamma and my sister.... Is it so terrible? +Mamma will be pleased. Mamma loves you, but Lyda!" + +She ran to the gates. + +"Good-bye," she called out. + +For a couple of minutes I stood and heard her running. I had no desire +to go home, there was nothing there to go for. I stood for a while lost +in thought, and then quietly dragged myself back, to have one more look +at the house in which she lived, the dear, simple, old house, which +seemed to look at me with the windows of the mezzanine for eyes, and to +understand everything. I walked past the terrace, sat down on a bench by +the lawn-tennis court, in the darkness under an old elm-tree, and looked +at the house. In the windows of the mezzanine, where Missyuss had her +room, shone a bright light, and then a faint green glow. The lamp had +been covered with a shade. Shadows began to move.... I was filled with +tenderness and a calm satisfaction, to think that I could let myself be +carried away and fall in love, and at the same time I felt uneasy at the +thought that only a few yards away in one of the rooms of the house lay +Lyda who did not love me, and perhaps hated me. I sat and waited to see +if Genya would come out. I listened attentively and it seemed to me they +were sitting in the mezzanine. + +An hour passed. The green light went out, and the shadows were no longer +visible. The moon hung high above the house and lit the sleeping garden +and the avenues: I could distinctly see the dahlias and roses in the +flower-bed in front of the house, and all seemed to be of one colour. It +was very cold. I left the garden, picked up my overcoat in the road, and +walked slowly home. + +Next day after dinner when I went to the Volchaninovs', the glass door +was wide open. I sat down on the terrace expecting Genya to come from +behind the flower-bed or from one of the avenues, or to hear her voice +come from out of the rooms; then I went into the drawing-room and the +dining-room. There was not a soul to be seen. From the dining-room I +went down a long passage into the hall, and then back again. There were +several doors in the passage and behind one of them I could hear Lyda's +voice: + +"To the crow somewhere ... God ..."--she spoke slowly and distinctly, +and was probably dictating--" ... God sent a piece of cheese.... To the +crow ... somewhere.... Who is there?" she called out suddenly as she +heard my footsteps. + +"It is I." + +"Oh! excuse me. I can't come out just now. I am teaching Masha." + +"Is Ekaterina Pavlovna in the garden?" + +"No. She and my sister left to-day for my Aunt's in Penga, and in the +winter they are probably going abroad." She added after a short silence: +"To the crow somewhere God sent a pi-ece of cheese. Have you got that?" + +I went out into the hall, and, without a thought in my head, stood and +looked out at the pond and the village, and still I heard: + +"A piece of cheese.... To the crow somewhere God sent a piece of +cheese." + +And I left the house by the way I had come the first time, only +reversing the order, from the yard into the garden, past the house, then +along the lime-walk. Here a boy overtook me and handed me a note: "I +have told my sister everything and she insists on my parting from you," +I read. "I could not hurt her by disobeying. God will give you +happiness. If you knew how bitterly mamma and I have cried." + +Then through the fir avenue and the rotten fence. ...Over the fields +where the corn was ripening and the quails screamed, cows and shackled +horses now were browsing. Here and there on the hills the winter corn +was already showing green. A sober, workaday mood possessed me and I was +ashamed of all I had said at the Volchaninovs', and once more it became +tedious to go on living. I went home, packed my things, and left that +evening for Petersburg. + +* * * + +I never saw the Volchaninovs again. Lately on my way to the Crimea I met +Bielokurov at a station. As of old he was in a _poddiovka_, wearing an +embroidered shirt, and when I asked after his health, he replied: +"Quite well, thanks be to God." He began to talk. He had sold his estate +and bought another, smaller one in the name of Lyabov Ivanovna. He told +me a little about the Volchaninovs. Lyda, he said, still lived at +Sholkovka and taught the children in the school; little by little she +succeeded in gathering round herself a circle of sympathetic people, who +formed a strong party, and at the last Zemstvo election they drove out +Balaguin, who up till then had had the whole district in his hands. Of +Genya Bielokurov said that she did not live at home and he did not know +where she was. + +I have already begun to forget about the house with the mezzanine, and +only now and then, when I am working or reading, suddenly--without rhyme +or reason--I remember the green light in the window, and the sound of my +own footsteps as I walked through the fields that night, when I was in +love, rubbing my hands to keep them warm. And even more rarely, when I +am sad and lonely, I begin already to recollect and it seems to me that +I, too, am being remembered and waited for, and that we shall meet.... + +Missyuss, where are you? + + + + + +TYPHUS + + +In a smoking-compartment of the mail-train from Petrograd to Moscow sat +a young lieutenant, Klimov by name. Opposite him sat an elderly man with +a clean-shaven, shipmaster's face, to all appearances a well-to-do Finn +or Swede, who all through the journey smoked a pipe and talked round and +round the same subject. + +"Ha! you are an officer! My brother is also an officer, but he is a +sailor. He is a sailor and is stationed at Kronstadt. Why are you going +to Moscow?" + +"I am stationed there." + +"Ha! Are you married?" + +"No. I live with my aunt and sister." + +"My brother is also an officer, but he is married and has a wife and +three children. Ha!" + +The Finn looked surprised at something, smiled broadly and fatuously as +he exclaimed, "Ha," and every now and then blew through the stem of his +pipe. Klimov, who was feeling rather unwell, and not at all inclined to +answer questions, hated him with all his heart. He thought how good it +would be to snatch his gurgling pipe out of his hands and throw it under +the seat and to order the Finn himself into another car. + +"They are awful people, these Finns and ... Greeks," he thought. +"Useless, good-for-nothing, disgusting people. They only cumber the +earth. What is the good of them?" + +And the thought of Finns and Greeks filled him with a kind of nausea. He +tried to compare them with the French and the Italians, but the idea of +those races somehow roused in him the notion of organ-grinders, naked +women, and the foreign oleographs which hung over the chest of drawers +in his aunt's house. + +The young officer felt generally out of sorts. There seemed to be no +room for his arms and legs, though he had the whole seat to himself; his +mouth was dry and sticky, his head was heavy and his clouded thoughts +seemed to wander at random, not only in his head, but also outside it +among the seats and the people looming in the darkness. Through the +turmoil in his brain, as through a dream, he heard the murmur of +voices, the rattle of the wheels, the slamming of doors. Bells, +whistles, conductors, the tramp of the people on the platforms came +oftener than usual. The time slipped by quickly, imperceptibly, and it +seemed that the train stopped every minute at a station as now and then +there would come up the sound of metallic voices: + +"Is the post ready?" + +"Ready." + +It seemed to him that the stove-neater came in too often to look at the +thermometer, and that trains never stopped passing and his own train was +always roaring over bridges. The noise, the whistle, the Finn, the +tobacco smoke--all mixed with the ominous shifting of misty shapes, +weighed on Klimov like an intolerable nightmare. In terrible anguish he +lifted up his aching head, looked at the lamp whose light was encircled +with shadows and misty spots; he wanted to ask for water, but his dry +tongue would hardly move, and he had hardly strength enough to answer +the Finn's questions. He tried to lie down more comfortably and sleep, +but he could not succeed; the Finn fell asleep several times, woke up +and lighted his pipe, talked to him with his "Ha!" and went to sleep +again; and the lieutenant could still not find room for his legs on the +seat, and all the while the ominous figures shifted before his eyes. + +At Spirov he got out to have a drink of water. He saw some people +sitting at a table eating hurriedly. + +"How can they eat?" he thought, trying to avoid the smell of roast meat +in the air and seeing the chewing mouths, for both seemed to him utterly +disgusting and made him feel sick. + +A handsome lady was talking to a military man in a red cap, and she +showed magnificent white teeth when she smiled; her smile, her teeth, +the lady herself produced in Klimov the same impression of disgust as +the ham and the fried cutlets. He could not understand how the military +man in the red cap could bear to sit near her and look at her healthy +smiling face. + +After he had drunk some water, he went back to his place. The Finn sat +and smoked. His pipe gurgled and sucked like a galoche full of holes in +dirty weather. + +"Ha!" he said with some surprise. "What station is this?" + +"I don't know," said Klimov, lying down and shutting his mouth to keep +out the acrid tobacco smoke. + +"When do we get to Tver." + +"I don't know. I am sorry, I ... I can't talk. I am not well. I have a +cold." + +The Finn knocked out his pipe against the window-frame and began to talk +of his brother, the sailor. Klimov paid no more attention to him and +thought in agony of his soft, comfortable bed, of the bottle of cold +water, of his sister Katy, who knew so well how to tuck him up and +cosset him. He even smiled when there flashed across his mind his +soldier-servant Pavel, taking off his heavy, close-fitting boots and +putting water on the table. It seemed to him that he would only have to +lie on his bed and drink some water and his nightmare would give way to +a sound, healthy sleep. + +"Is the post ready?" came a dull voice from a distance. + +"Ready," answered a loud, bass voice almost by the very window. + +It was the second or third station from Spirov. + +Time passed quickly, seemed to gallop along, and there would be no end +to the bells, whistles, and stops. In despair Klimov pressed his face +into the corner of the cushion, held his head in his hands, and again +began to think of his sister Katy and his orderly Pavel; but his sister +and his orderly got mixed up with the looming figures and whirled about +and disappeared. His breath, thrown back from the cushion, burned his +face, and his legs ached and a draught from the window poured into his +back, but, painful though it was, he refused to change his position.... +A heavy, drugging torpor crept over him and chained his limbs. + +When at length he raised his head, the car was quite light. The +passengers were putting on their overcoats and moving about. The train +stopped. Porters in white aprons and number-plates bustled about the +passengers and seized their boxes. Klimov put on his greatcoat +mechanically and left the train, and he felt as though it were not +himself walking, but some one else, a stranger, and he felt that he was +accompanied by the heat of the train, his thirst, and the ominous, +lowering figures which all night long had prevented his sleeping. +Mechanically he got his luggage and took a cab. The cabman charged him +one rouble and twenty-five copecks for driving him to Povarska Street, +but he did not haggle and submissively took his seat in the sledge. He +could still grasp the difference in numbers, but money had no value to +him whatever. + +At home Klimov was met by his aunt and his sister Katy, a girl of +eighteen. Katy had a copy-book and a pencil in her hands as she greeted +him, and he remembered that she was preparing for a teacher's +examination. He took no notice of their greetings and questions, but +gasped from the heat, and walked aimlessly through the rooms until he +reached his own, and then he fell prone on the bed. The Finn, the red +cap, the lady with the white teeth, the smell of roast meat, the +shifting spot in the lamp, filled his mind and he lost consciousness +and did not hear the frightened voices near him. + +When he came to himself he found himself in bed, undressed, and noticed +the water-bottle and Pavel, but it did not make him any more comfortable +nor easy. His legs and arms, as before, felt cramped, his tongue clove +to his palate, and he could hear the chuckle of the Finn's pipe.... By +the bed, growing out of Pavel's broad back, a stout, black-bearded +doctor was bustling. + +"All right, all right, my lad," he murmured. "Excellent, excellent.... +Jist so, jist so...." + +The doctor called Klimov "my lad." Instead of "just so," he said "jist +saow," and instead of "yes," "yies." + +"Yies, yies, yies," he said. "Jist saow, jist saow.... Don't be +downhearted!" + +The doctor's quick, careless way of speaking, his well-fed face, and the +condescending tone in which he said "my lad" exasperated Klimov. + +"Why do you call me 'my lad'?" he moaned. "Why this familiarity, damn it +all?" + +And he was frightened by the sound of his own voice. It was so dry, +weak, and hollow that he could hardly recognise it. + +"Excellent, excellent," murmured the doctor, not at all offended. "Yies, +yies. You mustn't be cross." + +And at home the time galloped away as alarmingly quickly as in the +train.... The light of day in his bedroom was every now and then changed +to the dim light of evening.... The doctor never seemed to leave the +bedside, and his "Yies, yies, yies," could be heard at every moment. +Through the room stretched an endless row of faces; Pavel, the Finn, +Captain Taroshevich, Sergeant Maximenko, the red cap, the lady with the +white teeth, the doctor. All of them talked, waved their hands, smoked, +ate. Once in broad daylight Klimov saw his regimental priest, Father +Alexander, in his stole and with the host in his hands, standing by the +bedside and muttering something with such a serious expression as Klimov +had never seen him wear before. The lieutenant remembered that Father +Alexander used to call all the Catholic officers Poles, and wishing to +make the priest laugh, he exclaimed: + +"Father Taroshevich, the Poles have fled to the woods." + +But Father Alexander, usually a gay, light-hearted man, did not laugh +and looked even more serious, and made the sign of the cross over +Klimov. At night, one after the other, there would come slowly creeping +in and out two shadows. They were his aunt and his sister. The shadow of +his sister would kneel down and pray; she would bow to the ikon, and her +grey shadow on the wall would bow, too, so that two shadows prayed to +God. And all the time there was a smell of roast meat and of the Finn's +pipe, but once Klimov could detect a distinct smell of incense. He +nearly vomited and cried: + +"Incense! Take it away." + +There was no reply. He could only hear priests chanting in an undertone +and some one running on the stairs. + +When Klimov recovered from his delirium there was not a soul in the +bedroom. The morning sun flared through the window and the drawn +curtains, and a trembling beam, thin and keen as a sword, played on the +water-bottle. He could hear the rattle of wheels--that meant there was +no more snow in the streets. The lieutenant looked at the sunbeam, at +the familiar furniture and the door, and his first inclination was to +laugh. His chest and stomach trembled with a sweet, happy, tickling +laughter. From head to foot his whole body was filled with a feeling of +infinite happiness, like that which the first man must have felt when he +stood erect and beheld the world for the first time. Klimov had a +passionate longing for people, movement, talk. His body lay motionless; +he could only move his hands, but he hardly noticed it, for his whole +attention was fixed on little things. He was delighted with his +breathing and with his laughter; he was delighted with the existence of +the water-bottle, the ceiling, the sunbeam, the ribbon on the curtain. +God's world, even in such a narrow corner as his bedroom, seemed to him +beautiful, varied, great. When the doctor appeared the lieutenant +thought how nice his medicine was, how nice and sympathetic the doctor +was, how nice and interesting people were, on the whole. + +"Yies, yies, yies," said the doctor. "Excellent, excellent. Now we are +well again. Jist saow. Jist saow." + +The lieutenant listened and laughed gleefully. He remembered the Finn, +the lady with the white teeth, the train, and he wanted to eat and +smoke. + +"Doctor," he said, "tell them to bring me a slice of rye bread and salt, +and some sardines...." + +The doctor refused. Pavel did not obey his order and refused to go for +bread. The lieutenant could not bear it and began to cry like a thwarted +child. + +"Ba-by," the doctor laughed. "Mamma! Hush-aby!" + +Klimov also began to laugh, and when the doctor had gone, he fell sound +asleep. He woke up with the same feeling of joy and happiness. His aunt +was sitting by his bed. + +"Oh, aunty!" He was very happy. "What has been the matter with me?" + +"Typhus." + +"I say! And now I am well, quite well! Where is Katy?" + +"She is not at home. She has probably gone to see some one after her +examination." + +The old woman bent over her stocking as she said this; her lips began to +tremble; she turned her face away and suddenly began to sob. In her +grief, she forgot the doctor's orders and cried: + +"Oh! Katy! Katy! Our angel is gone from us! She is gone!" + +She dropped her stocking and stooped down for it, and her cap fell off +her head. Klimov stared at her grey hair, could not understand, was +alarmed for Katy, and asked: + +"But where is she, aunty?" + +The old woman, who had already forgotten Klimov and remembered only her +grief, said: + +"She caught typhus from you and ... and died. She was buried the day +before yesterday." + +This sudden appalling piece of news came home to Klimov's mind, but +dreadful and shocking though it was it could not subdue the animal joy +which thrilled through the convalescent lieutenant. He cried, laughed, +and soon began to complain that he was given nothing to eat. + +Only a week later, when, supported by Pavel, he walked in a +dressing-gown to the window, and saw the grey spring sky and heard the +horrible rattle of some old rails being carried by on a lorry, then his +heart ached with sorrow and he began to weep and pressed his forehead +against the window-frame. + +"How unhappy I am!" he murmured. "My God, how unhappy I am!" + +And joy gave way to his habitual weariness and a sense of his +irreparable loss. + + + + + +GOOSEBERRIES + + +From early morning the sky had been overcast with clouds; the day was +still, cool, and wearisome, as usual on grey, dull days when the clouds +hang low over the fields and it looks like rain, which never comes. Ivan +Ivanich, the veterinary surgeon, and Bourkin, the schoolmaster, were +tired of walking and the fields seemed endless to them. Far ahead they +could just see the windmills of the village of Mirousky, to the right +stretched away to disappear behind the village a line of hills, and they +knew that it was the bank of the river; meadows, green willows, +farmhouses; and from one of the hills there could be seen a field as +endless, telegraph-posts, and the train, looking from a distance like a +crawling caterpillar, and in clear weather even the town. In the calm +weather when all Nature seemed gentle and melancholy, Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin were filled with love for the fields and thought how grand and +beautiful the country was. + +"Last time, when we stopped in Prokofyi's shed," said Bourkin, "you were +going to tell me a story." + +"Yes. I wanted to tell you about my brother." + +Ivan Ivanich took a deep breath and lighted his pipe before beginning +his story, but just then the rain began to fall. And in about five +minutes it came pelting down and showed no signs of stopping. Ivan +Ivanich stopped and hesitated; the dogs, wet through, stood with their +tails between their legs and looked at them mournfully. + +"We ought to take shelter," said Bourkin. "Let us go to Aliokhin. It is +close by." + +"Very well." + +They took a short cut over a stubble-field and then bore to the right, +until they came to the road. Soon there appeared poplars, a garden, the +red roofs of granaries; the river began to glimmer and they came to a +wide road with a mill and a white bathing-shed. It was Sophino, where +Aliokhin lived. + +The mill was working, drowning the sound of the rain, and the dam shook. +Round the carts stood wet horses, hanging their heads, and men were +walking about with their heads covered with sacks. It was wet, muddy, +and unpleasant, and the river looked cold and sullen. Ivan Ivanich and +Bourkin felt wet and uncomfortable through and through; their feet were +tired with walking in the mud, and they walked past the dam to the barn +in silence as though they were angry with each other. + +In one of the barns a winnowing-machine was working, sending out clouds +of dust. On the threshold stood Aliokhin himself, a man of about forty, +tall and stout, with long hair, more like a professor or a painter than +a farmer. He was wearing a grimy white shirt and rope belt, and pants +instead of trousers; and his boots were covered with mud and straw. His +nose and eyes were black with dust. He recognised Ivan Ivanich and was +apparently very pleased. + +"Please, gentlemen," he said, "go to the house. I'll be with you in a +minute." + +The house was large and two-storied. Aliokhin lived down-stairs in two +vaulted rooms with little windows designed for the farm-hands; the +farmhouse was plain, and the place smelled of rye bread and vodka, and +leather. He rarely used the reception-rooms, only when guests arrived. +Ivan Ivanich and Bourkin were received by a chambermaid; such a pretty +young woman that both of them stopped and exchanged glances. + +"You cannot imagine how glad I am to see you, gentlemen," said Aliokhin, +coming after them into the hall. "I never expected you. Pelagueya," he +said to the maid, "give my friends a change of clothes. And I will +change, too. But I must have a bath. I haven't had one since the spring. +Wouldn't you like to come to the bathing-shed? And meanwhile our things +will be got ready." + +Pretty Pelagueya, dainty and sweet, brought towels and soap, and +Aliokhin led his guests to the bathing-shed. + +"Yes," he said, "it is a long time since I had a bath. My bathing-shed +is all right, as you see. My father and I put it up, but somehow I have +no time to bathe." + +He sat down on the step and lathered his long hair and neck, and the +water round him became brown. + +"Yes. I see," said Ivan Ivanich heavily, looking at his head. + +"It is a long time since I bathed," said Aliokhin shyly, as he soaped +himself again, and the water round him became dark blue, like ink. + +Ivan Ivanich came out of the shed, plunged into the water with a splash, +and swam about in the rain, flapping his arms, and sending waves back, +and on the waves tossed white lilies; he swam out to the middle of the +pool and dived, and in a minute came up again in another place and kept +on swimming and diving, trying to reach the bottom. "Ah! how delicious!" +he shouted in his glee. "How delicious!" He swam to the mill, spoke to +the peasants, and came back, and in the middle of the pool he lay on his +back to let the rain fall on his face. Bourkin and Aliokhin were already +dressed and ready to go, but he kept on swimming and diving. + +"Delicious," he said. "Too delicious!" + +"You've had enough," shouted Bourkin. + +They went to the house. And only when the lamp was lit in the large +drawing-room up-stairs, and Bourkin and Ivan Ivanich, dressed in silk +dressing-gowns and warm slippers, lounged in chairs, and Aliokhin +himself, washed and brushed, in a new frock coat, paced up and down +evidently delighting in the warmth and cleanliness and dry clothes and +slippers, and pretty Pelagueya, noiselessly tripping over the carpet and +smiling sweetly, brought in tea and jam on a tray, only then did Ivan +Ivanich begin his story, and it was as though he was being listened to +not only by Bourkin and Aliokhin, but also by the old and young ladies +and the officer who looked down so staidly and tranquilly from the +golden frames. + +"We are two brothers," he began, "I, Ivan Ivanich, and Nicholai Ivanich, +two years younger. I went in for study and became a veterinary surgeon, +while Nicholai was at the Exchequer Court when he was nineteen. Our +father, Tchimasha-Himalaysky, was a cantonist, but he died with an +officer's rank and left us his title of nobility and a small estate. +After his death the estate went to pay his debts. However, we spent our +childhood there in the country. We were just like peasant's children, +spent days and nights in the fields and the woods, minded the house, +barked the lime-trees, fished, and so on.... And you know once a man has +fished, or watched the thrushes hovering in flocks over the village in +the bright, cool, autumn days, he can never really be a townsman, and to +the day of his death he will be drawn to the country. My brother pined +away in the Exchequer. Years passed and he sat in the same place, wrote +out the same documents, and thought of one thing, how to get back to the +country. And little by little his distress became a definite disorder, a +fixed idea--to buy a small farm somewhere by the bank of a river or a +lake. + +"He was a good fellow and I loved him, but I never sympathised with the +desire to shut oneself up on one's own farm. It is a common saying that +a man needs only six feet of land. But surely a corpse wants that, not a +man. And I hear that our intellectuals have a longing for the land and +want to acquire farms. But it all comes down to the six feet of land. To +leave town, and the struggle and the swim of life, and go and hide +yourself in a farmhouse is not life--it is egoism, laziness; it is a +kind of monasticism, but monasticism without action. A man needs, not +six feet of land, not a farm, but the whole earth, all Nature, where in +full liberty he can display all the properties and qualities of the free +spirit. + +"My brother Nicholai, sitting in his office, would dream of eating his +own _schi_, with its savoury smell floating across the farmyard; and of +eating out in the open air, and of sleeping in the sun, and of sitting +for hours together on a seat by the gate and gazing at the field and the +forest. Books on agriculture and the hints in almanacs were his joy, his +favourite spiritual food; and he liked reading newspapers, but only the +advertisements of land to be sold, so many acres of arable and grass +land, with a farmhouse, river, garden, mill, and mill-pond. And he would +dream of garden-walls, flowers, fruits, nests, carp in the pond, don't +you know, and all the rest of it. These fantasies of his used to vary +according to the advertisements he found, but somehow there was always a +gooseberry-bush in every one. Not a house, not a romantic spot could he +imagine without its gooseberry-bush. + +"'Country life has its advantages,' he used to say. 'You sit on the +veranda drinking tea and your ducklings swim on the pond, and everything +smells good ... and there are gooseberries.' + +"He used to draw out a plan of his estate and always the same things +were shown on it: (_a_) Farmhouse, (_b_) cottage, (_c_) vegetable +garden, (_d_) gooseberry-bush. He used to live meagrely and never had +enough to eat and drink, dressed God knows how, exactly like a beggar, +and always saved and put his money into the bank. He was terribly +stingy. It used to hurt me to see him, and I used to give him money to +go away for a holiday, but he would put that away, too. Once a man gets +a fixed idea, there's nothing to be done. + +"Years passed; he was transferred to another province. He completed his +fortieth year and was still reading advertisements in the papers and +saving up his money. Then I heard he was married. Still with the same +idea of buying a farmhouse with a gooseberry-bush, he married an +elderly, ugly widow, not out of any feeling for her, but because she had +money. With her he still lived stingily, kept her half-starved, and put +the money into the bank in his own name. She had been the wife of a +postmaster and was used to good living, but with her second husband she +did not even have enough black bread; she pined away in her new life, +and in three years or so gave up her soul to God. And my brother never +for a moment thought himself to blame for her death. Money, like vodka, +can play queer tricks with a man. Once in our town a merchant lay dying. +Before his death he asked for some honey, and he ate all his notes and +scrip with the honey so that nobody should get it. Once I was examining +a herd of cattle at a station and a horse-jobber fell under the engine, +and his foot was cut off. We carried him into the waiting-room, with the +blood pouring down--a terrible business--and all the while he kept on +asking anxiously for his foot; he had twenty-five roubles in his boot +and did not want to lose them." + +"Keep to your story," said Bourkin. + +"After the death of his wife," Ivan Ivanich continued, after a long +pause, "my brother began to look out for an estate. Of course you may +search for five years, and even then buy a pig in a poke. Through an +agent my brother Nicholai raised a mortgage and bought three hundred +acres with a farmhouse, a cottage, and a park, but there was no orchard, +no gooseberry-bush, no duck-pond; there was a river but the water in it +was coffee-coloured because the estate lay between a brick-yard and a +gelatine factory. But my brother Nicholai was not worried about that; +he ordered twenty gooseberry-bushes and settled down to a country life. + +"Last year I paid him a visit. I thought I'd go and see how things were +with him. In his letters my brother called his estate Tchimbarshov +Corner, or Himalayskoe. I arrived at Himalayskoe in the afternoon. It +was hot. There were ditches, fences, hedges, rows of young fir-trees, +trees everywhere, and there was no telling how to cross the yard or +where to put your horse. I went to the house and was met by a red-haired +dog, as fat as a pig. He tried to bark but felt too lazy. Out of the +kitchen came the cook, barefooted, and also as fat as a pig, and said +that the master was having his afternoon rest. I went in to my brother +and found him sitting on his bed with his knees covered with a blanket; +he looked old, stout, flabby; his cheeks, nose, and lips were pendulous. +I half expected him to grunt like a pig. + +"We embraced and shed a tear of joy and also of sadness to think that +we had once been young, but were now both going grey and nearing death. +He dressed and took me to see his estate. + +"'Well? How are you getting on?' I asked. + +"'All right, thank God. I am doing very well.' + +"He was no longer the poor, tired official, but a real landowner and a +person of consequence. He had got used to the place and liked it, ate a +great deal, took Russian baths, was growing fat, had already gone to law +with the parish and the two factories, and was much offended if the +peasants did not call him 'Your Lordship.' And, like a good landowner, +he looked after his soul and did good works pompously, never simply. +What good works? He cured the peasants of all kinds of diseases with +soda and castor-oil, and on his birthday he would have a thanksgiving +service held in the middle of the village, and would treat the peasants +to half a bucket of vodka, which he thought the right thing to do. Ah! +Those horrible buckets of vodka. One day a greasy landowner will drag +the peasants before the Zembro Court for trespass, and the next, if +it's a holiday, he will give them a bucket of vodka, and they drink and +shout Hooray! and lick his boots in their drunkenness. A change to good +eating and idleness always fills a Russian with the most preposterous +self-conceit. Nicholai Ivanich who, when he was in the Exchequer, was +terrified to have an opinion of his own, now imagined that what he said +was law. 'Education is necessary for the masses, but they are not fit +for it.' 'Corporal punishment is generally harmful, but in certain cases +it is useful and indispensable.' + +"'I know the people and I know how to treat them,' he would say. 'The +people love me. I have only to raise my finger and they will do as I +wish.' + +"And all this, mark you, was said with a kindly smile of wisdom. He was +constantly saying: 'We noblemen,' or 'I, as a nobleman.' Apparently he +had forgotten that our grandfather was a peasant and our father a common +soldier. Even our family name, Tchimacha-Himalaysky, which is really an +absurd one, seemed to him full-sounding, distinguished, and very +pleasing. + +"But my point does not concern him so much as myself. I want to tell you +what a change took place in me in those few hours while I was in his +house. In the evening, while we were having tea, the cook laid a +plateful of gooseberries on the table. They had not been bought, but +were his own gooseberries, plucked for the first time since the bushes +were planted. Nicholai Ivanich laughed with joy and for a minute or two +he looked in silence at the gooseberries with tears in his eyes. He +could not speak for excitement, then put one into his mouth, glanced at +me in triumph, like a child at last being given its favourite toy, and +said: + +"'How good they are!' + +"He went on eating greedily, and saying all the while: + +"'How good they are! Do try one!' + +"It was hard and sour, but, as Poushkin said, the illusion which exalts +us is dearer to us than ten thousand truths. I saw a happy man, one +whose dearest dream had come true, who had attained his goal in life, +who had got what he wanted, and was pleased with his destiny and with +himself. In my idea of human life there is always some alloy of sadness, +but now at the sight of a happy man I was filled with something like +despair. And at night it grew on me. A bed was made up for me in the +room near my brother's and I could hear him, unable to sleep, going +again and again to the plate of gooseberries. I thought: 'After all, +what a lot of contented, happy people there must be! What an +overwhelming power that means! I look at this life and see the arrogance +and the idleness of the strong, the ignorance and bestiality of the +weak, the horrible poverty everywhere, overcrowding, drunkenness, +hypocrisy, falsehood.... Meanwhile in all the houses, all the streets, +there is peace; out of fifty thousand people who live in our town there +is not one to kick against it all. Think of the people who go to the +market for food: during the day they eat; at night they sleep, talk +nonsense, marry, grow old, piously follow their dead to the cemetery; +one never sees or hears those who suffer, and all the horror of life +goes on somewhere behind the scenes. Everything is quiet, peaceful, and +against it all there is only the silent protest of statistics; so many +go mad, so many gallons are drunk, so many children die of +starvation.... And such a state of things is obviously what we want; +apparently a happy man only feels so because the unhappy bear their +burden in silence, but for which happiness would be impossible. It is a +general hypnosis. Every happy man should have some one with a little +hammer at his door to knock and remind him that there are unhappy +people, and that, however happy he may be, life will sooner or later +show its claws, and some misfortune will befall him--illness, poverty, +loss, and then no one will see or hear him, just as he now neither sees +nor hears others. But there is no man with a hammer, and the happy go on +living, just a little fluttered with the petty cares of every day, like +an aspen-tree in the wind--and everything is all right.' + +"That night I was able to understand how I, too, had been content and +happy," Ivan Ivanich went on, getting up. "I, too, at meals or out +hunting, used to lay down the law about living, and religion, and +governing the masses. I, too, used to say that teaching is light, that +education is necessary, but that for simple folk reading and writing is +enough for the present. Freedom is a boon, I used to say, as essential +as the air we breathe, but we must wait. Yes--I used to say so, but now +I ask: 'Why do we wait?'" Ivan Ivanich glanced angrily at Bourkin. "Why +do we wait, I ask you? What considerations keep us fast? I am told that +we cannot have everything at once, and that every idea is realised in +time. But who says so? Where is the proof that it is so? You refer me to +the natural order of things, to the law of cause and effect, but is +there order or natural law in that I, a living, thinking creature, +should stand by a ditch until it fills up, or is narrowed, when I could +jump it or throw a bridge over it? Tell me, I say, why should we wait? +Wait, when we have no strength to live, and yet must live and are full +of the desire to live! + +"I left my brother early the next morning, and from that time on I found +it impossible to live in town. The peace and the quiet of it oppress me. +I dare not look in at the windows, for nothing is more dreadful to see +than the sight of a happy family, sitting round a table, having tea. I +am an old man now and am no good for the struggle. I commenced late. I +can only grieve within my soul, and fret and sulk. At night my head +buzzes with the rush of my thoughts and I cannot sleep.... Ah! If I were +young!" + +Ivan Ivanich walked excitedly up and down the room and repeated: + +"If I were young." + +He suddenly walked up to Aliokhin and shook him first by one hand and +then by the other. + +"Pavel Konstantinich," he said in a voice of entreaty, "don't be +satisfied, don't let yourself be lulled to sleep! While you are young, +strong, wealthy, do not cease to do good! Happiness does not exist, nor +should it, and if there is any meaning or purpose in life, they are not +in our peddling little happiness, but in something reasonable and grand. +Do good!" + +Ivan Ivanich said this with a piteous supplicating smile, as though he +were asking a personal favour. + +Then they all three sat in different corners of the drawing-room and +were silent. Ivan Ivanich's story had satisfied neither Bourkin nor +Aliokhin. With the generals and ladies looking down from their gilt +frames, seeming alive in the firelight, it was tedious to hear the story +of a miserable official who ate gooseberries.... Somehow they had a +longing to hear and to speak of charming people, and of women. And the +mere fact of sitting in the drawing-room where everything--the lamp with +its coloured shade, the chairs, and the carpet under their feet--told +how the very people who now looked down at them from their frames once +walked, and sat and had tea there, and the fact that pretty Pelagueya +was near--was much better than any story. + +Aliokhin wanted very much to go to bed; he had to get up for his work +very early, about two in the morning, and now his eyes were closing, +but he was afraid of his guests saying something interesting without his +hearing it, so he would not go. He did not trouble to think whether what +Ivan Ivanich had been saying was clever or right; his guests were +talking of neither groats, nor hay, nor tar, but of something which had +no bearing on his life, and he liked it and wanted them to go on.... + +"However, it's time to go to bed," said Bourkin, getting up. "I will +wish you good night." + +Aliokhin said good night and went down-stairs, and left his guests. Each +had a large room with an old wooden bed and carved ornaments; in the +corner was an ivory crucifix; and their wide, cool beds, made by pretty +Pelagueya, smelled sweetly of clean linen. + +Ivan Ivanich undressed in silence and lay down. + +"God forgive me, a wicked sinner," he murmured, as he drew the clothes +over his head. + +A smell of burning tobacco came from his pipe which lay on the table, +and Bourkin could not sleep for a long time and was worried because he +could not make out where the unpleasant smell came from. + +The rain beat against the windows all night long. + + + + +IN EXILE + + +Old Simeon, whose nickname was Brains, and a young Tartar, whose name +nobody knew, were sitting on the bank of the river by a wood-fire. The +other three ferrymen were in the hut. Simeon who was an old man of about +sixty, skinny and toothless, but broad-shouldered and healthy, was +drunk. He would long ago have gone to bed, but he had a bottle in his +pocket and was afraid of his comrades asking him for vodka. The Tartar +was ill and miserable, and, pulling his rags about him, he went on +talking about the good things in the province of Simbirsk, and what a +beautiful and clever wife he had left at home. He was not more than +twenty-five, and now, by the light of the wood-fire, with his pale, +sorrowful, sickly face, he looked a mere boy. + +"Of course, it is not a paradise here," said Brains, "you see, water, +the bare bushes by the river, clay everywhere--nothing else.... It is +long past Easter and there is still ice on the water and this morning +there was snow...." + +"Bad! Bad!" said the Tartar with a frightened look. + +A few yards away flowed the dark, cold river, muttering, dashing against +the holes in the clayey banks as it tore along to the distant sea. By +the bank they were sitting on, loomed a great barge, which the ferrymen +call a _karbass_. Far away and away, flashing out, flaring up, were +fires crawling like snakes--last year's grass being burned. And behind +the water again was darkness. Little banks of ice could be heard +knocking against the barge.... It was very damp and cold.... + +The Tartar glanced at the sky. There were as many stars as at home, and +the darkness was the same, but something was missing. At home in the +Simbirsk province the stars and the sky were altogether different. + +"Bad! Bad!" he repeated. + +"You will get used to it," said Brains with a laugh. "You are young yet +and foolish; the milk is hardly dry on your lips, and in your folly you +imagine that there is no one unhappier than you, but there will come a +time when you will say: God give every one such a life! Just look at me. +In a week's time the floods will be gone, and we will fix the ferry +here, and all of you will go away into Siberia and I shall stay here, +going to and fro. I have been living thus for the last two-and-twenty +years, but, thank God, I want nothing. God give everybody such a life." + +The Tartar threw some branches onto the fire, crawled near to it and +said: + +"My father is sick. When he dies, my mother and my wife have promised to +come here." + +"What do you want your mother and your wife for?" asked Brains. "Just +foolishness, my friend. It's the devil tempting you, plague take him. +Don't listen to the Evil One. Don't give way to him. When he talks to +you about women you should answer him sharply: 'I don't want them!' When +he talks of freedom, you should stick to it and say: 'I don't want it. I +want nothing! No father, no mother, no wife, no freedom, no home, no +love! I want nothing.' Plague take 'em all." + +Brains took a swig at his bottle and went on: + +"My brother, I am not an ordinary peasant. I don't come from the servile +masses. I am the son of a deacon, and when I was a free man at Rursk, I +used to wear a frock coat, and now I have brought myself to such a point +that I can sleep naked on the ground and eat grass. God give such a life +to everybody. I want nothing. I am afraid of nobody and I think there is +no man richer or freer than I. When they sent me here from Russia I set +my teeth at once and said: 'I want nothing!' The devil whispers to me +about my wife and my kindred, and about freedom and I say to him: 'I +want nothing!' I stuck to it, and, you see, I live happily and have +nothing to grumble at. If a man gives the devil the least opportunity +and listens to him just once, then he is lost and has no hope of +salvation: he will be over ears in the mire and will never get out. Not +only peasants the like of you are lost, but the nobly born and the +educated also. About fifteen years ago a certain nobleman was sent here +from Russia. He had had some trouble with his brothers and had made a +forgery in a will. People said he was a prince or a baron, but perhaps +he was only a high official--who knows? Well, he came here and at once +bought a house and land in Moukhzyink. 'I want to live by my own work,' +said he, 'in the sweat of my brow, because I am no longer a nobleman but +an exile.' 'Why,' said I. 'God help you, for that is good.' He was a +young man then, ardent and eager; he used to mow and go fishing, and he +would ride sixty miles on horseback. Only one thing was wrong; from the +very beginning he was always driving to the post-office at Guyrin. He +used to sit in my boat and sigh: 'Ah! Simeon, it is a long time since +they sent me any money from home.' 'You are better without money, +Vassili Sergnevich,' said I. 'What's the good of it? You just throw away +the past, as though it had never happened, as though it were only a +dream, and start life afresh. Don't listen to the devil,' I said, 'he +won't do you any good, and he will only tighten the noose. You want +money now, but in a little while you will want something else, and then +more and more. If,' said I, 'you want to be happy you must want nothing. +Exactly.... If,' I said, 'fate has been hard on you and me, it is no +good asking her for charity and falling at her feet. We must ignore her +and laugh at her.' That's what I said to him.... Two years later I +ferried him over and he rubbed his hands and laughed. 'I'm going,' said +he, 'to Guyrin to meet my wife. She has taken pity on me, she says, and +she is coming here. She is very kind and good.' And he gave a gasp of +joy. Then one day he came with his wife, a beautiful young lady with a +little girl in her arms and a lot of luggage. And Vassili Andreich kept +turning and looking at her and could not look at her or praise her +enough. 'Yes, Simeon, my friend, even in Siberia people live.' Well, +thought I, all right, you won't be content. And from that time on, mark +you, he used to go to Guyrin every week to find out if money had been +sent from Russia. A terrible lot of money was wasted. 'She stays here,' +said he, 'for my sake, and her youth and beauty wither away here in +Siberia. She shares my bitter lot with me,' said he, 'and I must give +her all the pleasure I can for it....' To make his wife happier he took +up with the officials and any kind of rubbish. And they couldn't have +company without giving food and drink, and they must have a piano and a +fluffy little dog on the sofa--bad cess to it.... Luxury, in a word, all +kinds of tricks. My lady did not stay with him long. How could she? +Clay, water, cold, no vegetables, no fruit; uneducated people and +drunkards, with no manners, and she was a pretty pampered young lady +from the metropolis.... Of course she got bored. And her husband was no +longer a gentleman, but an exile--quite a different matter. Three years +later, I remember, on the eve of the Assumption, I heard shouts from the +other bank. I went over in the ferry and saw my lady, all wrapped up, +with a young gentleman, a government official, in a troika.... I ferried +them across, they got into the carriage and disappeared, and I saw no +more of them. Toward the morning Vassili Andreich came racing up in a +coach and pair. 'Has my wife been across, Simeon, with a gentleman in +spectacles?' 'She has,' said I, 'but you might as well look for the wind +in the fields.' He raced after them and kept it up for five days and +nights. When he came back he jumped on to the ferry and began to knock +his head against the side and to cry aloud. 'You see,' said I, 'there +you are.' And I laughed and reminded him: 'Even in Siberia people live.' +But he went on beating his head harder than ever.... Then he got the +desire for freedom. His wife had gone to Russia and he longed to go +there to see her and take her away from her lover. And he began to go to +the post-office every day, and then to the authorities of the town. He +was always sending applications or personally handing them to the +authorities, asking to have his term remitted and to be allowed to go, +and he told me that he had spent over two hundred roubles on telegrams. +He sold his land and mortgaged his house to the money-lenders. His hair +went grey, he grew round-shouldered, and his face got yellow and +consumptive-looking. He used to cough whenever he spoke and tears used +to come to his eyes. He spent eight years on his applications, and at +last he became happy again and lively: he had thought of a new dodge. +His daughter, you see, had grown up. He doted on her and could never +take his eyes off her. And, indeed, she was very pretty, dark and +clever. Every Sunday he used to go to church with her at Guyrin. They +would stand side by side on the ferry, and she would smile and he would +devour her with his eyes. 'Yes, Simeon,' he would say. 'Even in Siberia +people live. Even in Siberia there is happiness. Look what a fine +daughter I have. You wouldn't find one like her in a thousand miles' +journey.' 'She's a nice girl,' said I. 'Oh, yes.' ... And I thought to +myself: 'You wait.... She is young. Young blood will have its way; she +wants to live and what life is there here?' And she began to pine +away.... Wasting, wasting away, she withered away, fell ill and had to +keep to her bed.... Consumption. That's Siberian happiness, plague take +it; that's Siberian life.... He rushed all over the place after the +doctors and dragged them home with him. If he heard of a doctor or a +quack three hundred miles off he would rush off after him. He spent a +terrific amount of money on doctors and I think it would have been much +better spent on drink. All the same she had to die. No help for it. Then +it was all up with him. He thought of hanging himself, and of trying to +escape to Russia. That would be the end of him. He would try to escape: +he would be caught, tried, penal servitude, flogging." + +"Good! Good!" muttered the Tartar with a shiver. + +"What is good?" asked Brains. + +"Wife and daughter. What does penal servitude and suffering matter? He +saw his wife and his daughter. You say one should want nothing. But +nothing--is evil! His wife spent three years with him. God gave him +that. Nothing is evil, and three years is good. Why don't you understand +that?" + +Trembling and stammering as he groped for Russian words, of which he +knew only a few, the Tartar began to say: "God forbid he should fall ill +among strangers, and die and be buried in the cold sodden earth, and +then, if his wife could come to him if only for one day or even for one +hour, he would gladly endure any torture for such happiness, and would +even thank God. Better one day of happiness than nothing." + +Then once more he said what a beautiful clever wife he had left at home, +and with his head in his hands he began to cry and assured Simeon that +he was innocent, and had been falsely accused. His two brothers and his +uncle had stolen some horses from a peasant and beat the old man nearly +to death, and the community never looked into the matter at all, and +judgment was passed by which all three brothers were exiled to Siberia, +while his uncle, a rich man, remained at home. + +"You will get used to it," said Simeon. + +The Tartar relapsed into silence and stared into the fire with his eyes +red from weeping; he looked perplexed and frightened, as if he could not +understand why he was in the cold and the darkness, among strangers, and +not in the province of Simbirsk. Brains lay down near the fire, smiled +at something, and began to say in an undertone: + +"But what a joy she must be to your father," he muttered after a pause. +"He loves her and she is a comfort to him, eh? But, my man, don't tell +me. He is a strict, harsh old man. And girls don't want strictness; they +want kisses and laughter, scents and pomade. Yes.... Ah! What a life!" +Simeon swore heavily. "No more vodka! That means bedtime. What? I'm +going, my man." + +Left alone, the Tartar threw more branches on the fire, lay down, and, +looking into the blaze, began to think of his native village and of his +wife; if she could come if only for a month, or even a day, and then, if +she liked, go back again! Better a month or even a day, than nothing. +But even if his wife kept her promise and came, how could he provide for +her? Where was she to live? + +"If there is nothing to eat; how are we to live?" asked the Tartar +aloud. + +For working at the oars day and night he was paid two copecks a day; the +passengers gave tips, but the ferrymen shared them out and gave nothing +to the Tartar, and only laughed at him. And he was poor, cold, hungry, +and fearful.... With his whole body aching and shivering he thought it +would be good to go into the hut and sleep; but there was nothing to +cover himself with, and it was colder there than on the bank. He had +nothing to cover himself with there, but he could make up a fire.... + +In a week's time, when the floods had subsided and the ferry would be +fixed up, all the ferrymen except Simeon would not be wanted any longer +and the Tartar would have to go from village to village, begging and +looking for work. His wife was only seventeen; beautiful, soft, and +shy.... Could she go unveiled begging through the villages? No. The idea +of it was horrible. + +It was already dawn. The barges, the bushy willows above the water, the +swirling flood began to take shape, and up above in a clayey cliff a hut +thatched with straw, and above that the straggling houses of the +village, where the cocks had begun to crow. + +The ginger-coloured clay cliff, the barge, the river, the strange wild +people, hunger, cold, illness--perhaps all these things did not really +exist. Perhaps, thought the Tartar, it was only a dream. He felt that he +must be asleep, and he heard his own snoring.... Certainly he was at +home in the Simbirsk province; he had but to call his wife and she would +answer; and his mother was in the next room.... But what awful dreams +there are! Why? The Tartar smiled and opened his eyes. What river was +that? The Volga? + +It was snowing. + +"Hi! Ferry!" some one shouted on the other bank. "_Karba-a-ass!_" + +The Tartar awoke and went to fetch his mates to row over to the other +side. Hurrying into their sheepskins, swearing sleepily in hoarse +voices, and shivering from the cold, the four men appeared on the bank. +After their sleep, the river from which there came a piercing blast, +seemed to them horrible and disgusting. They stepped slowly into the +barge.... The Tartar and the three ferrymen took the long, broad-bladed +oars, which in the dim light looked like a crab's claw, and Simeon flung +himself with his belly against the tiller. And on the other side the +voice kept on shouting, and a revolver was fired twice, for the man +probably thought the ferrymen were asleep or gone to the village inn. + +"All right. Plenty of time!" said Brains in the tone of one who was +convinced that there is no need for hurry in this world--and indeed +there is no reason for it. + +The heavy, clumsy barge left the bank and heaved through the willows, +and by the willows slowly receding it was possible to tell that the +barge was moving. The ferrymen plied the oars with a slow measured +stroke; Brains hung over the tiller with his stomach pressed against it +and swung from side to side. In the dim light they looked like men +sitting on some antediluvian animal with long limbs, swimming out to a +cold dismal nightmare country. + +They got clear of the willows and swung out into mid-stream. The thud of +the oars and the splash could be heard on the other bank and shouts +came: "Quicker! Quicker!" After another ten minutes the barge bumped +heavily against the landing-stage. + +"And it is still snowing, snowing all the time," Simeon murmured, wiping +the snow off his face. "God knows where it comes from!" + +On the other side a tall, lean old man was waiting in a short fox-fur +coat and a white astrachan hat. He was standing some distance from his +horses and did not move; he had a stern concentrated expression as if he +were trying to remember something and were furious with his recalcitrant +memory. When Simeon went up to him and took off his hat with a smile he +said: + +"I'm in a hurry to get to Anastasievka. My daughter is worse again and +they tell me there's a new doctor at Anastasievka." + +The coach was clamped onto the barge and they rowed back. All the while +as they rowed the man, whom Simeon called Vassili Andreich, stood +motionless, pressing his thick lips tight and staring in front of him. +When the driver craved leave to smoke in his presence, he answered +nothing, as if he did not hear. And Simeon hung over the rudder and +looked at him mockingly and said: + +"Even in Siberia people live. L-i-v-e!" + +On Brains's face was a triumphant expression as if he were proving +something, as if pleased that things had happened just as he thought +they would. The unhappy, helpless look of the man in the fox-fur coat +seemed to give him great pleasure. + +"The roads are now muddy, Vassili Andreich," he said, when the horses +had been harnessed on the bank. "You'd better wait a couple of weeks, +until it gets dryer.... If there were any point in going--but you know +yourself that people are always on the move day and night and there's no +point in it. Sure!" + +Vassili Andreich said nothing, gave him a tip, took his seat in the +coach and drove away. + +"Look! He's gone galloping after the doctor!" said Simeon, shivering in +the cold. "Yes. To look for a real doctor, trying to overtake the wind +in the fields, and catch the devil by the tail, plague take him! What +queer fish there are! God forgive me, a miserable sinner." + +The Tartar went up to Brains, and, looking at him with mingled hatred +and disgust, trembling, and mixing Tartar words up with his broken +Russian, said: + +"He good ... good. And you ... bad! You are bad! The gentleman is a good +soul, very good, and you are a beast, you are bad! The gentleman is +alive and you are dead.... God made man that he should be alive, that he +should have happiness, sorrow, grief, and you want nothing, so you are +not alive, but a stone! A stone wants nothing and so do you.... You are +a stone--and God does not love you and the gentleman he does." + +They all began to laugh: the Tartar furiously knit his brows, waved his +hand, drew his rags round him and went to the fire. The ferrymen and +Simeon went slowly to the hut. + +"It's cold," said one of the ferrymen hoarsely, as he stretched himself +on the straw with which the damp, clay floor was covered. + +"Yes. It's not warm," another agreed.... "It's a hard life." + +All of them lay down. The wind blew the door open. The snow drifted into +the hut. Nobody could bring himself to get up and shut the door; it was +cold, but they put up with it. + +"And I am happy," muttered Simeon as he fell asleep. "God give such a +life to everybody." + +"You certainly are the devil's own. Even the devil don't need to take +you." + +Sounds like the barking of a dog came from outside. + +"Who is that? Who is there?" + +"It's the Tartar crying." + +"Oh! he's a queer fish." + +"He'll get used to it!" said Simeon, and at once he fell asleep. Soon +the others slept too and the door was left open. + + + + +THE LADY WITH THE TOY DOG + + +It was reported that a new face had been seen on the quay; a lady with a +little dog. Dimitri Dimitrich Gomov, who had been a fortnight at Talta +and had got used to it, had begun to show an interest in new faces. As +he sat in the pavilion at Verne's he saw a young lady, blond and fairly +tall, and wearing a broad-brimmed hat, pass along the quay. After her +ran a white Pomeranian. + +Later he saw her in the park and in the square several times a day. She +walked by herself, always in the same broad-brimmed hat, and with this +white dog. Nobody knew who she was, and she was spoken of as the lady +with the toy dog. + +"If," thought Gomov, "if she is here without a husband or a friend, it +would be as well to make her acquaintance." + +He was not yet forty, but he had a daughter of twelve and two boys at +school. He had married young, in his second year at the University, and +now his wife seemed half as old again as himself. She was a tall woman, +with dark eyebrows, erect, grave, stolid, and she thought herself an +intellectual woman. She read a great deal, called her husband not +Dimitri, but Demitri, and in his private mind he thought her +short-witted, narrow-minded, and ungracious. He was afraid of her and +disliked being at home. He had begun to betray her with other women long +ago, betrayed her frequently, and, probably for that reason nearly +always spoke ill of women, and when they were discussed in his presence +he would maintain that they were an inferior race. + +It seemed to him that his experience was bitter enough to give him the +right to call them any name he liked, but he could not live a couple of +days without the "inferior race." With men he was bored and ill at ease, +cold and unable to talk, but when he was with women, he felt easy and +knew what to talk about, and how to behave, and even when he was silent +with them he felt quite comfortable. In his appearance as in his +character, indeed in his whole nature, there was something attractive, +indefinable, which drew women to him and charmed them; he knew it, and +he, too, was drawn by some mysterious power to them. + +His frequent, and, indeed, bitter experiences had taught him long ago +that every affair of that kind, at first a divine diversion, a delicious +smooth adventure, is in the end a source of worry for a decent man, +especially for men like those at Moscow who are slow to move, +irresolute, domesticated, for it becomes at last an acute and +extraordinary complicated problem and a nuisance. But whenever he met +and was interested in a new woman, then his experience would slip away +from his memory, and he would long to live, and everything would seem so +simple and amusing. + +And it so happened that one evening he dined in the gardens, and the +lady in the broad-brimmed hat came up at a leisurely pace and sat at the +next table. Her expression, her gait, her dress, her coiffure told him +that she belonged to society, that she was married, that she was paying +her first visit to Talta, that she was alone, and that she was bored.... +There is a great deal of untruth in the gossip about the immorality of +the place. He scorned such tales, knowing that they were for the most +part concocted by people who would be only too ready to sin if they had +the chance, but when the lady sat down at the next table, only a yard or +two away from him, his thoughts were filled with tales of easy +conquests, of trips to the mountains; and he was suddenly possessed by +the alluring idea of a quick transitory liaison, a moment's affair with +an unknown woman whom he knew not even by name. + +He beckoned to the little dog, and when it came up to him, wagged his +finger at it. The dog began to growl. Gomov again wagged his finger. + +The lady glanced at him and at once cast her eyes down. + +"He won't bite," she said and blushed. + +"May I give him a bone?"--and when she nodded emphatically, he asked +affably: "Have you been in Talta long?" + +"About five days." + +"And I am just dragging through my second week." + +They were silent for a while. + +"Time goes quickly," she said, "and it is amazingly boring here." + +"It is the usual thing to say that it is boring here. People live quite +happily in dull holes like Bieliev or Zhidra, but as soon as they come +here they say: 'How boring it is! The very dregs of dullness!' One would +think they came from Spain." + +She smiled. Then both went on eating in silence as though they did not +know each other; but after dinner they went off together--and then +began an easy, playful conversation as though they were perfectly happy, +and it was all one to them where they went or what they talked of. They +walked and talked of how the sea was strangely luminous; the water +lilac, so soft and warm, and athwart it the moon cast a golden streak. +They said how stifling it was after the hot day. Gomov told her how he +came from Moscow and was a philologist by education, but in a bank by +profession; and how he had once wanted to sing in opera, but gave it up; +and how he had two houses in Moscow.... And from her he learned that she +came from Petersburg, was born there, but married at S. where she had +been living for the last two years; that she would stay another month at +Talta, and perhaps her husband would come for her, because, he too, +needed a rest. She could not tell him what her husband was--Provincial +Administration or Zemstvo Council--and she seemed to think it funny. And +Gomov found out that her name was Anna Sergueyevna. + +In his room at night, he thought of her and how they would meet next +day. They must do so. As he was going to sleep, it struck him that she +could only lately have left school, and had been at her lessons even as +his daughter was then; he remembered how bashful and gauche she was when +she laughed and talked with a stranger--it must be, he thought, the +first time she had been alone, and in such a place with men walking +after her and looking at her and talking to her, all with the same +secret purpose which she could not but guess. He thought of her slender +white neck and her pretty, grey eyes. + +"There is something touching about her," he thought as he began to fall +asleep. + + +II + +A week passed. It was a blazing day. Indoors it was stifling, and in the +streets the dust whirled along. All day long he was plagued with thirst +and he came into the pavilion every few minutes and offered Anna +Sergueyevna an iced drink or an ice. It was impossibly hot. + +In the evening, when the air was fresher, they walked to the jetty to +see the steamer come in. There was quite a crowd all gathered to meet +somebody, for they carried bouquets. And among them were clearly marked +the peculiarities of Talta: the elderly ladies were youngly dressed and +there were many generals. + +The sea was rough and the steamer was late, and before it turned into +the jetty it had to do a great deal of manoeuvring. Anna Sergueyevna +looked through her lorgnette at the steamer and the passengers as though +she were looking for friends, and when she turned to Gomov, her eyes +shone. She talked much and her questions were abrupt, and she forgot +what she had said; and then she lost her lorgnette in the crowd. + +The well-dressed people went away, the wind dropped, and Gomov and Anna +Sergueyevna stood as though they were waiting for somebody to come from +the steamer. Anna Sergueyevna was silent. She smelled her flowers and +did not look at Gomov. + +"The weather has got pleasanter toward evening," he said. "Where shall +we go now? Shall we take a carriage?" + +She did not answer. + +He fixed his eyes on her and suddenly embraced her and kissed her lips, +and he was kindled with the perfume and the moisture of the flowers; at +once he started and looked round; had not some one seen? + +"Let us go to your--" he murmured. + +And they walked quickly away. + +Her room was stifling, and smelled of scents which she had bought at the +Japanese shop. Gomov looked at her and thought: "What strange chances +there are in life!" From the past there came the memory of earlier +good-natured women, gay in their love, grateful to him for their +happiness, short though it might be; and of others--like his wife--who +loved without sincerity, and talked overmuch and affectedly, +hysterically, as though they were protesting that it was not love, nor +passion, but something more important; and of the few beautiful cold +women, into whose eyes there would flash suddenly a fierce expression, a +stubborn desire to take, to snatch from life more than it can give; they +were no longer in their first youth, they were capricious, unstable, +domineering, imprudent, and when Gomov became cold toward them then +their beauty roused him to hatred, and the lace on their lingerie +reminded him of the scales of fish. + +But here there was the shyness and awkwardness of inexperienced youth, a +feeling of constraint; an impression of perplexity and wonder, as though +some one had suddenly knocked at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, "the lady +with the toy dog" took what had happened somehow seriously, with a +particular gravity, as though thinking that this was her downfall and +very strange and improper. Her features seemed to sink and wither, and +on either side of her face her long hair hung mournfully down; she sat +crestfallen and musing, exactly like a woman taken in sin in some old +picture. + +"It is not right," she said. "You are the first to lose respect for me." + +There was a melon on the table. Gomov cut a slice and began to eat it +slowly. At least half an hour passed in silence. + +Anna Sergueyevna was very touching; she irradiated the purity of a +simple, devout, inexperienced woman; the solitary candle on the table +hardly lighted her face, but it showed her very wretched. + +"Why should I cease to respect you?" asked Gomov. "You don't know what +you are saying." + +"God forgive me!" she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "It is +horrible." + +"You seem to want to justify yourself." + +"How can I justify myself? I am a wicked, low woman and I despise +myself. I have no thought of justifying myself. It is not my husband +that I have deceived, but myself. And not only now but for a long time +past. My husband may be a good honest man, but he is a lackey. I do not +know what work he does, but I do know that he is a lackey in his soul. I +was twenty when I married him. I was overcome by curiosity. I longed for +something. 'Surely,' I said to myself, 'there is another kind of life.' +I longed to live! To live, and to live.... Curiosity burned me up.... +You do not understand it, but I swear by God, I could no longer control +myself. Something strange was going on in me. I could not hold myself +in. I told my husband that I was ill and came here.... And here I have +been walking about dizzily, like a lunatic.... And now I have become a +low, filthy woman whom everybody may despise." + +Gomov was already bored; her simple words irritated him with their +unexpected and inappropriate repentance; but for the tears in her eyes +he might have thought her to be joking or playing a part. + +"I do not understand," he said quietly. "What do you want?" + +She hid her face in his bosom and pressed close to him. + +"Believe, believe me, I implore you," she said. "I love a pure, honest +life, and sin is revolting to me. I don't know myself what I am doing. +Simple people say: 'The devil entrapped me,' and I can say of myself: +'The Evil One tempted me.'" + +"Don't, don't," he murmured. + +He looked into her staring, frightened eyes, kissed her, spoke quietly +and tenderly, and gradually quieted her and she was happy again, and +they both began to laugh. + +Later, when they went out, there was not a soul on the quay; the town +with its cypresses looked like a city of the dead, but the sea still +roared and broke against the shore; a boat swung on the waves; and in +it sleepily twinkled the light of a lantern. + +They found a cab and drove out to the Oreanda. + +"Just now in the hall," said Gomov, "I discovered your name written on +the board--von Didenitz. Is your husband a German?" + +"No. His grandfather, I believe, was a German, but he himself is an +Orthodox Russian." + +At Oreanda they sat on a bench, not far from the church, looked down at +the sea and were silent. Talta was hardly visible through the morning +mist. The tops of the hills were shrouded in motionless white clouds. +The leaves of the trees never stirred, the cicadas trilled, and the +monotonous dull sound of the sea, coming up from below, spoke of the +rest, the eternal sleep awaiting us. So the sea roared when there was +neither Talta nor Oreanda, and so it roars and will roar, dully, +indifferently when we shall be no more. And in this continual +indifference to the life and death of each of us, lives pent up, the +pledge of our eternal salvation, of the uninterrupted movement of life +on earth and its unceasing perfection. Sitting side by side with a young +woman, who in the dawn seemed so beautiful, Gomov, appeased and +enchanted by the sight of the fairy scene, the sea, the mountains, the +clouds, the wide sky, thought how at bottom, if it were thoroughly +explored, everything on earth was beautiful, everything, except what we +ourselves think and do when we forget the higher purposes of life and +our own human dignity. + +A man came up--a coast-guard--gave a look at them, then went away. He, +too, seemed mysterious and enchanted. A steamer came over from +Feodossia, by the light of the morning star, its own lights already put +out. + +"There is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergueyevna after a silence. + +"Yes. It is time to go home." + +They returned to the town. + +Then every afternoon they met on the quay, and lunched together, dined, +walked, enjoyed the sea. She complained that she slept badly, that her +heart beat alarmingly. She would ask the same question over and over +again, and was troubled now by jealousy, now by fear that he did not +sufficiently respect her. And often in the square or the gardens, when +there was no one near, he would draw her close and kiss her +passionately. Their complete idleness, these kisses in the full +daylight, given timidly and fearfully lest any one should see, the heat, +the smell of the sea and the continual brilliant parade of leisured, +well-dressed, well-fed people almost regenerated him. He would tell Anna +Sergueyevna how delightful she was, how tempting. He was impatiently +passionate, never left her side, and she would often brood, and even +asked him to confess that he did not respect her, did not love her at +all, and only saw in her a loose woman. Almost every evening, rather +late, they would drive out of the town, to Oreanda, or to the waterfall; +and these drives were always delightful, and the impressions won during +them were always beautiful and sublime. + +They expected her husband to come. But he sent a letter in which he said +that his eyes were bad and implored his wife to come home. Anna +Sergueyevna began to worry. + +"It is a good thing I am going away," she would say to Gomov. "It is +fate." + +She went in a carriage and he accompanied her. They drove for a whole +day. When she took her seat in the car of an express-train and when the +second bell sounded, she said: + +"Let me have another look at you.... Just one more look. Just as you +are." + +She did not cry, but was sad and low-spirited, and her lips trembled. + +"I will think of you--often," she said. "Good-bye. Good-bye. Don't think +ill of me. We part for ever. We must, because we ought not to have met +at all. Now, good-bye." + +The train moved off rapidly. Its lights disappeared, and in a minute or +two the sound of it was lost, as though everything were agreed to put an +end to this sweet, oblivious madness. Left alone on the platform, +looking into the darkness, Gomov heard the trilling of the grasshoppers +and the humming of the telegraph-wires, and felt as though he had just +woke up. And he thought that it had been one more adventure, one more +affair, and it also was finished and had left only a memory. He was +moved, sad, and filled with a faint remorse; surely the young woman, +whom he would never see again, had not been happy with him; he had been +kind to her, friendly, and sincere, but still in his attitude toward +her, in his tone and caresses, there had always been a thin shadow of +raillery, the rather rough arrogance of the successful male aggravated +by the fact that he was twice as old as she. And all the time she had +called him kind, remarkable, noble, so that he was never really himself +to her, and had involuntarily deceived her.... + +Here at the station, the smell of autumn was in the air, and the evening +was cool. + +"It is time for me to go North," thought Gomov, as he left the platform. +"It is time." + + +III + +At home in Moscow, it was already like winter; the stoves were heated, +and in the mornings, when the children were getting ready to go to +school, and had their tea, it was dark and their nurse lighted the lamp +for a short while. The frost had already begun. When the first snow +falls, the first day of driving in sledges, it is good to see the white +earth, the white roofs; one breathes easily, eagerly, and then one +remembers the days of youth. The old lime-trees and birches, white with +hoarfrost, have a kindly expression; they are nearer to the heart than +cypresses and palm-trees, and with the dear familiar trees there is no +need to think of mountains and the sea. + +Gomov was a native of Moscow. He returned to Moscow on a fine frosty +day, and when he donned his fur coat and warm gloves, and took a stroll +through Petrovka, and when on Saturday evening he heard the church-bells +ringing, then his recent travels and the places he had visited lost all +their charm. Little by little he sank back into Moscow life, read +eagerly three newspapers a day, and said that he did not read Moscow +papers as a matter of principle. He was drawn into a round of +restaurants, clubs, dinner-parties, parties, and he was flattered to +have his house frequented by famous lawyers and actors, and to play +cards with a professor at the University club. He could eat a whole +plateful of hot _sielianka_. + +So a month would pass, and Anna Sergueyevna, he thought, would be lost +in the mists of memory and only rarely would she visit his dreams with +her touching smile, just as other women had done. But more than a month +passed, full winter came, and in his memory everything was clear, as +though he had parted from Anna Sergueyevna only yesterday. And his +memory was lit by a light that grew ever stronger. No matter how, +through the voices of his children saying their lessons, penetrating to +the evening stillness of his study, through hearing a song, or the music +in a restaurant, or the snow-storm howling in the chimney, suddenly the +whole thing would come to life again in his memory: the meeting on the +jetty, the early morning with the mists on the mountains, the steamer +from Feodossia and their kisses. He would pace up and down his room and +remember it all and smile, and then his memories would drift into +dreams, and the past was confused in his imagination with the future. He +did not dream at night of Anna Sergueyevna, but she followed him +everywhere, like a shadow, watching him. As he shut his eyes, he could +see her, vividly, and she seemed handsomer, tenderer, younger than in +reality; and he seemed to himself better than he had been at Talta. In +the evenings she would look at him from the bookcase, from the +fireplace, from the corner; he could hear her breathing and the soft +rustle of her dress. In the street he would gaze at women's faces to see +if there were not one like her.... + +He was filled with a great longing to share his memories with some one. +But at home it was impossible to speak of his love, and away from +home--there was no one. Impossible to talk of her to the other people in +the house and the men at the bank. And talk of what? Had he loved then? +Was there anything fine, romantic, or elevating or even interesting in +his relations with Anna Sergueyevna? And he would speak vaguely of love, +of women, and nobody guessed what was the matter, and only his wife +would raise her dark eyebrows and say: + +"Demitri, the role of coxcomb does not suit you at all." + +One night, as he was coming out of the club with his partner, an +official, he could not help saying: + +"If only I could tell what a fascinating woman I met at Talta." + +The official seated himself in his sledge and drove off, but suddenly +called: + +"Dimitri Dimitrich!" + +"Yes." + +"You were right. The sturgeon was tainted." + +These banal words suddenly roused Gomov's indignation. They seemed to +him degrading and impure. What barbarous customs and people! + +What preposterous nights, what dull, empty days! Furious card-playing, +gourmandising, drinking, endless conversations about the same things, +futile activities and conversations taking up the best part of the day +and all the best of a man's forces, leaving only a stunted, wingless +life, just rubbish; and to go away and escape was impossible--one might +as well be in a lunatic asylum or in prison with hard labour. + +Gomov did not sleep that night, but lay burning with indignation, and +then all next day he had a headache. And the following night he slept +badly, sitting up in bed and thinking, or pacing from corner to corner +of his room. His children bored him, the bank bored him, and he had no +desire to go out or to speak to any one. + +In December when the holidays came he prepared to go on a journey and +told his wife he was going to Petersburg to present a petition for a +young friend of his--and went to S. Why? He did not know. He wanted to +see Anna Sergueyevna, to talk to her, and if possible to arrange an +assignation. + +He arrived at S. in the morning and occupied the best room in the hotel, +where the whole floor was covered with a grey canvas, and on the table +there stood an inkstand grey with dust, adorned with a horseman on a +headless horse holding a net in his raised hand. The porter gave him the +necessary information: von Didenitz; Old Goucharno Street, his own +house--not far from the hotel; lives well, has his own horses, every one +knows him. + +Gomov walked slowly to Old Goucharno Street and found the house. In +front of it was a long, grey fence spiked with nails. + +"No getting over a fence like that," thought Gomov, glancing from the +windows to the fence. + +He thought: "To-day is a holiday and her husband is probably at home. +Besides it would be tactless to call and upset her. If he sent a note +then it might fall into her husband's hands and spoil everything. It +would be better to wait for an opportunity." And he kept on walking up +and down the street, and round the fence, waiting for his opportunity. +He saw a beggar go in at the gate and the dogs attack him. He heard a +piano and the sounds came faintly to his ears. It must be Anna +Sergueyevna playing. The door suddenly opened and out of it came an old +woman, and after her ran the familiar white Pomeranian. Gomov wanted to +call the dog, but his heart suddenly began to thump and in his agitation +he could not remember the dog's name. + +He walked on, and more and more he hated the grey fence and thought with +a gust of irritation that Anna Sergueyevna had already forgotten him, +and was perhaps already amusing herself with some one else, as would be +only natural in a young woman forced from morning to night to behold the +accursed fence. He returned to his room and sat for a long time on the +sofa, not knowing what to do. Then he dined and afterward slept for a +long while. + +"How idiotic and tiresome it all is," he thought as he awoke and saw the +dark windows; for it was evening. "I've had sleep enough, and what shall +I do to-night?" + +He sat on his bed which was covered with a cheap, grey blanket, exactly +like those used in a hospital, and tormented himself. + +"So much for the lady with the toy dog.... So much for the great +adventure.... Here you sit." + +However, in the morning, at the station, his eye had been caught by a +poster with large letters: "First Performance of 'The Geisha.'" He +remembered that and went to the theatre. + +"It is quite possible she will go to the first performance," he thought. + + +The theatre was full and, as usual in all provincial theatres, there was +a thick mist above the lights, the gallery was noisily restless; in the +first row before the opening of the performance stood the local dandies +with their hands behind their backs, and there in the governor's box, in +front, sat the governor's daughter, and the governor himself sat +modestly behind the curtain and only his hands were visible. The curtain +quivered; the orchestra tuned up for a long time, and while the audience +were coming in and taking their seats, Gomov gazed eagerly round. + +At last Anna Sergueyevna came in. She took her seat in the third row, +and when Gomov glanced at her his heart ached and he knew that for him +there was no one in the whole world nearer, dearer, and more important +than she; she was lost in this provincial rabble, the little +undistinguished woman, with a common lorgnette in her hands, yet she +filled his whole life; she was his grief, his joy, his only happiness, +and he longed for her; and through the noise of the bad orchestra with +its tenth-rate fiddles, he thought how dear she was to him. He thought +and dreamed. + +With Anna Sergueyevna there came in a young man with short +side-whiskers, very tall, stooping; with every movement he shook and +bowed continually. Probably he was the husband whom in a bitter mood at +Talta she had called a lackey. And, indeed, in his long figure, his +side-whiskers, the little bald patch on the top of his head, there was +something of the lackey; he had a modest sugary smile and in his +buttonhole he wore a University badge exactly like a lackey's number. + +In the first entr'acte the husband went out to smoke, and she was left +alone. Gomov, who was also in the pit, came up to her and said in a +trembling voice with a forced smile: + +"How do you do?" + +She looked up at him and went pale. Then she glanced at him again in +terror, not believing her eyes, clasped her fan and lorgnette tightly +together, apparently struggling to keep herself from fainting. Both were +silent. She sat, he stood; frightened by her emotion, not daring to sit +down beside her. The fiddles and flutes began to play and suddenly it +seemed to them as though all the people in the boxes were looking at +them. She got up and walked quickly to the exit; he followed, and both +walked absently along the corridors, down the stairs, up the stairs, +with the crowd shifting and shimmering before their eyes; all kinds of +uniforms, judges, teachers, crown-estates, and all with badges; ladies +shone and shimmered before them, like fur coats on moving rows of +clothes-pegs, and there was a draught howling through the place laden +with the smell of tobacco and cigar-ends. And Gomov, whose heart was +thudding wildly, thought: + +"Oh, Lord! Why all these men and that beastly orchestra?" + +At that very moment he remembered how when he had seen Anna Sergueyevna +off that evening at the station he had said to himself that everything +was over between them, and they would never meet again. And now how far +off they were from the end! + +On a narrow, dark staircase over which was written: "This Way to the +Amphitheatre," she stopped: + +"How you frightened me!" she said, breathing heavily, still pale and +apparently stupefied. "Oh! how you frightened me! I am nearly dead. Why +did you come? Why?" + +"Understand me, Anna," he whispered quickly. "I implore you to +understand...." + +She looked at him fearfully, in entreaty, with love in her eyes, gazing +fixedly to gather up in her memory every one of his features. + +"I suffer so!" she went on, not listening to him. "All the time, I +thought only of you. I lived with thoughts of you.... And I wanted to +forget, to forget, but why, why did you come?" + +A little above them, on the landing, two schoolboys stood and smoked and +looked down at them, but Gomov did not care. He drew her to him and +began to kiss her cheeks, her hands. + +"What are you doing? What are you doing?" she said in terror, thrusting +him away.... "We were both mad. Go away to-night. You must go away at +once.... I implore you, by everything you hold sacred, I implore you.... +The people are coming-----" + +Some one passed them on the stairs. + +"You must go away," Anna Sergueyevna went on in a whisper. "Do you hear, +Dimitri Dimitrich? I'll come to you in Moscow. I never was happy. Now I +am unhappy and I shall never, never be happy, never! Don't make me +suffer even more! I swear, I'll come to Moscow. And now let us part. My +dear, dearest darling, let us part!" + +She pressed his hand and began to go quickly down-stairs, all the while +looking back at him, and in her eyes plainly showed that she was most +unhappy. Gomov stood for a while, listened, then, when all was quiet he +found his coat and left the theatre. + + +IV + +And Anna Sergueyevna began to come to him in Moscow. Once every two or +three months she would leave S., telling her husband that she was going +to consult a specialist in women's diseases. Her husband half believed +and half disbelieved her. At Moscow she would stay at the "Slaviansky +Bazaar" and send a message at once to Gomov. He would come to her, and +nobody in Moscow knew. + +Once as he was going to her as usual one winter morning--he had not +received her message the night before--he had his daughter with him, for +he was taking her to school which was on the way. Great wet flakes of +snow were falling. + +"Three degrees above freezing," he said, "and still the snow is falling. +But the warmth is only on the surface of the earth. In the upper strata +of the atmosphere there is quite a different temperature." + +"Yes, papa. Why is there no thunder in winter?" + +He explained this too, and as he spoke he thought of his assignation, +and that not a living soul knew of it, or ever would know. He had two +lives; one obvious, which every one could see and know, if they were +sufficiently interested, a life full of conventional truth and +conventional fraud, exactly like the lives of his friends and +acquaintances; and another, which moved underground. And by a strange +conspiracy of circumstances, everything that was to him important, +interesting, vital, everything that enabled him to be sincere and denied +self-deception and was the very core of his being, must dwell hidden +away from others, and everything that made him false, a mere shape in +which he hid himself in order to conceal the truth, as for instance his +work in the bank, arguments at the club, his favourite gibe about women, +going to parties with his wife--all this was open. And, judging others +by himself, he did not believe the things he saw, and assumed that +everybody else also had his real vital life passing under a veil of +mystery as under the cover of the night. Every man's intimate existence +is kept mysterious, and perhaps, in part, because of that civilised +people are so nervously anxious that a personal secret should be +respected. + +When he had left his daughter at school, Gomov went to the "Slaviansky +Bazaar." He took off his fur coat down-stairs, went up and knocked +quietly at the door. Anna Sergueyevna, wearing his favourite grey dress, +tired by the journey, had been expecting him to come all night. She was +pale, and looked at him without a smile, and flung herself on his breast +as soon as he entered. Their kiss was long and lingering as though they +had not seen each other for a couple of years. + +"Well, how are you getting on down there?" he asked. "What is your +news?" + +"Wait. I'll tell you presently.... I cannot." + +She could not speak, for she was weeping. She turned her face from him +and dried her eyes. + +"Well, let her cry a bit.... I'll wait," he thought, and sat down. + +Then he rang and ordered tea, and then, as he drank it, she stood and +gazed out of the window.... She was weeping in distress, in the bitter +knowledge that their life had fallen out so sadly; only seeing each +other in secret, hiding themselves away like thieves! Was not their life +crushed? + +"Don't cry.... Don't cry," he said. + +It was clear to him that their love was yet far from its end, which +there was no seeing. Anna Sergueyevna was more and more passionately +attached to him; she adored him and it was inconceivable that he should +tell her that their love must some day end; she would not believe it. + +He came up to her and patted her shoulder fondly and at that moment he +saw himself in the mirror. + +His hair was already going grey. And it seemed strange to him that in +the last few years he should have got so old and ugly. Her shoulders +were warm and trembled to his touch. He was suddenly filled with pity +for her life, still so warm and beautiful, but probably beginning to +fade and wither, like his own. Why should she love him so much? He +always seemed to women not what he really was, and they loved in him, +not himself, but the creature of their imagination, the thing they +hankered for in life, and when they had discovered their mistake, still +they loved him. And not one of them was happy with him. Time passed; he +met women and was friends with them, went further and parted, but never +once did he love; there was everything but love. + +And now at last when his hair was grey he had fallen in love, real +love--for the first time in his life. + +Anna Sergueyevna and he loved one another, like dear kindred, like +husband and wife, like devoted friends; it seemed to them that Fate had +destined them for one another, and it was inconceivable that he should +have a wife, she a husband; they were like two birds of passage, a male +and a female, which had been caught and forced to live in separate +cages. They had forgiven each other all the past of which they were +ashamed; they forgave everything in the present, and they felt that +their love had changed both of them. + +Formerly, when he felt a melancholy compunction, he used to comfort +himself with all kinds of arguments, just as they happened to cross his +mind, but now he was far removed from any such ideas; he was filled with +a profound pity, and he desired to be tender and sincere.... + +"Don't cry, my darling," he said. "You have cried enough.... Now let us +talk and see if we can't find some way out." + +Then they talked it all over, and tried to discover some means of +avoiding the necessity for concealment and deception, and the torment of +living in different towns, and of not seeing each other for a long time. +How could they shake off these intolerable fetters? + +"How? How?" he asked, holding his head in his hands. "How?" + +And it seemed that but a little while and the solution would be found +and there would begin a lovely new life; and to both of them it was +clear that the end was still very far off, and that their hardest and +most difficult period was only just beginning. + + + + +GOUSSIEV + + +It was already dark and would soon be night. + +Goussiev, a private on long leave, raised himself a little in his +hammock and said in a whisper: + +"Can you hear me, Pavel Ivanich? A soldier at Souchan told me that their +boat ran into an enormous fish and knocked a hole in her bottom." + +The man of condition unknown whom he addressed, and whom everybody in +the hospital-ship called Pavel Ivanich, was silent, as if he had not +heard. + +And once more there was silence.... The wind whistled through the +rigging, the screw buzzed, the waves came washing, the hammocks +squeaked, but to all these sounds their ears were long since accustomed +and it seemed as though everything were wrapped in sleep and silence. +It was very oppressive. The three patients--two soldiers and a +sailor--who had played cards all day were now asleep and tossing to and +fro. + +The vessel began to shake. The hammock under Goussiev slowly heaved up +and down, as though it were breathing--one, two, three.... Something +crashed on the floor and began to tinkle: the jug must have fallen down. + +"The wind has broken loose...." said Goussiev, listening attentively. + +This time Pavel Ivanich coughed and answered irritably: + +"You spoke just now of a ship colliding with a large fish, and now you +talk of the wind breaking loose.... Is the wind a dog to break loose?" + +"That's what people say." + +"Then people are as ignorant as you.... But what do they not say? You +should keep a head on your shoulders and think. Silly idiot!" + +Pavel Ivanich was subject to seasickness. When the ship rolled he would +get very cross, and the least trifle would upset him, though Goussiev +could never see anything to be cross about. What was there unusual in +his story about the fish or in his saying that the wind had broken +loose? Suppose the fish were as big as a mountain and its back were as +hard as a sturgeon's, and suppose that at the end of the wood there were +huge stone walls with the snarling winds chained up to them.... If they +do not break loose, why then do they rage over the sea as though they +were possessed, and rush about like dogs? If they are not chained, what +happens to them when it is calm? + +Goussiev thought for a long time of a fish as big as a mountain, and of +thick rusty chains; then he got tired of that and began to think of his +native place whither he was returning after five years' service in the +Far East. He saw with his mind's eye the great pond covered with +snow.... On one side of the pond was a brick-built pottery, with a tall +chimney belching clouds of black smoke, and on the other side was the +village.... From the yard of the fifth house from the corner came his +brother Alency in a sledge; behind him sat his little son Vanka in large +felt boots, and his daughter Akulka, also in felt boots. Alency is +tipsy, Vanka laughs, and Akulka's face is hidden--she is well wrapped +up. + +"The children will catch cold ..." thought Goussiev. "God grant them," +he whispered, "a pure right mind that they may honour their parents and +be better than their father and mother...." + +"The boots want soling," cried the sick sailor in a deep voice. "Aye, +aye." + +The thread of Goussiev's thoughts was broken, and instead of the pond, +suddenly--without rhyme or reason--he saw a large bull's head without +eyes, and the horse and sledge did not move on, but went round and round +in a black mist. But still he was glad he had seen his dear ones. He +gasped for joy, and his limbs tingled and his fingers throbbed. + +"God suffered me to see them!" he muttered, and opened his eyes and +looked round in the darkness for water. + +He drank, then lay down again, and once more the sledge skimmed along, +and he saw the bull's head without eyes, black smoke, clouds of it. And +so on till dawn. + + +II + +At first through the darkness there appeared only a blue circle, the +port-hole, then Goussiev began slowly to distinguish the man in the next +hammock, Pavel Ivanich. He was sleeping in a sitting position, for if he +lay down he could not breathe. His face was grey; his nose long and +sharp, and his eyes were huge, because he was so thin; his temples were +sunk, his beard scanty, the hair on his head long.... By his face it was +impossible to tell his class: gentleman, merchant, or peasant; judging +by his appearance and long hair he looked almost like a recluse, a +lay-brother, but when he spoke--he was not at all like a monk. He was +losing strength through his cough and his illness and the suffocating +heat, and he breathed heavily and was always moving his dry lips. +Noticing that Goussiev was looking at him, he turned toward him and +said: + +"I'm beginning to understand.... Yes.... Now I understand." + +"What do you understand, Pavel Ivanich?" + +"Yes.... It was strange to me at first, why you sick men, instead of +being kept quiet, should be on this steamer, where the heat is stifling, +and stinking, and pitching and tossing, and must be fatal to you; but +now it is all clear to me.... Yes. The doctors sent you to the steamer +to get rid of you. They got tired of all the trouble you gave them, +brutes like you. + +...You don't pay them; you only give a lot of trouble, and if you die +you spoil their reports. Therefore you are just cattle, and there is no +difficulty in getting rid of you.... They only need to lack conscience +and humanity, and to deceive the owners of the steamer. We needn't worry +about the first, they are experts by nature; but the second needs a +certain amount of practice. In a crowd of four hundred healthy soldiers +and sailors--five sick men are never noticed; so you were carried up to +the steamer, mixed with a healthy lot who were counted in such a hurry +that nothing wrong was noticed, and when the steamer got away they saw +fever-stricken and consumptive men lying helpless on the deck...." + +Goussiev could not make out what Pavel Ivanich was talking about; +thinking he was being taken to task, he said by way of excusing himself: + +"I lay on the deck because when we were taken off the barge I caught a +chill." + +"Shocking!" said Pavel Ivanich. "They know quite well that you can't +last out the voyage, and yet they send you here! You may get as far as +the Indian Ocean, but what then? It is awful to think of.... And that's +all the return you get for faithful unblemished service!" + +Pavel Ivanich looked very angry, and smote his forehead and gasped: + +"They ought to be shown up in the papers. There would be an awful row." + +The two sick soldiers and the sailor were already up and had begun to +play cards, the sailor propped up in his hammock, and the soldiers +squatting uncomfortably on the floor. One soldier had his right arm in a +sling and his wrist was tightly bandaged so that he had to hold the +cards in his left hand or in the crook of his elbow. The boat was +rolling violently so that it was impossible to get up or to drink tea or +to take medicine. + +"You were an orderly?" Pavel Ivanich asked Goussiev. + +"That's it. An orderly." + +"My God, my God!" said Pavel Ivanich sorrowfully. "To take a man from +his native place, drag him fifteen thousand miles, drive him into +consumption ... and what for? I ask you. To make him an orderly to some +Captain Farthing or Midshipman Hole! Where's the sense of it?" + +"It's not a bad job, Pavel Ivanich. You get up in the morning, clean the +boots, boil the samovar, tidy up the room, and then there is nothing to +do. The lieutenant draws plans all day long, and you can pray to God if +you like--or read books--or go out into the streets. It's a good enough +life." + +"Yes. Very good! The lieutenant draws plans, and you stay in the kitchen +all day long and suffer from homesickness.... Plans.... Plans don't +matter. It's human life that matters! Life doesn't come again. One +should be sparing of it." + +"Certainly Pavel Ivanich. A bad man meets no quarter, either at home, or +in the army, but if you live straight, and do as you are told, then no +one will harm you. They are educated and they understand.... For five +years now I've never been in the cells and I've only been thrashed +once--touch wood!" + +"What was that for?" + +"Fighting. I have a heavy fist, Pavel Ivanich. Four Chinamen came into +our yard: they were carrying wood, I think, but I don't remember. Well, +I was bored. I went for them and one of them got a bloody nose. The +lieutenant saw it through the window and gave me a thick ear." + +"You poor fool," muttered Pavel Ivanich. "You don't understand +anything." + +He was completely exhausted with the tossing of the boat and shut his +eyes; his head fell back and then flopped forward onto his chest. He +tried several times to lie down, but in vain, for he could not breathe. + +"And why did you go for the four Chinamen?" he asked after a while. + +"For no reason. They came into the yard and I went for them." + +Silence fell.... The gamblers played for a couple of hours, absorbed and +cursing, but the tossing of the ship tired even them; they threw the +cards away and laid down. Once more Goussiev thought of the big pond, +the pottery, the village. Once more the sledges skimmed along, once more +Vanka laughed, and that fool of an Akulka opened her fur coat, and +stretched out her feet; look, she seemed to say, look, poor people, my +felt boots are new and not like Vanka's. + +"She's getting on for six and still she has no sense!" said Goussiev. +"Instead of showing your boots off, why don't you bring some water to +your soldier-uncle? I'll give you a present." + +Then came Andrea, with his firelock on his shoulder, carrying a hare he +had shot, and he was followed by Tsaichik the cripple, who offered him a +piece of soap for the hare; and there was the black heifer in the yard, +and Domna sewing a shirt and crying over something, and there was the +eyeless bull's head and the black smoke.... + +Overhead there was shouting, sailors running; the sound of something +heavy being dragged along the deck, or something had broken.... More +running. Something wrong? Goussiev raised his head, listened and saw the +two soldiers and the sailor playing cards again; Pavel Ivanich sitting +up and moving his lips. It was very close, he could hardly breathe, he +wanted a drink, but the water was warm and disgusting.... The pitching +of the boat was now better. + +Suddenly something queer happened to one of the soldiers.... He called +ace of diamonds, lost his reckoning and dropped his cards. He started +and laughed stupidly and looked round. + +"In a moment, you fellows," he said and lay down on the floor. + +All were at a loss. They shouted at him but he made no reply. + +"Stiepan, are you ill?" asked the other soldier with the bandaged hand. +"Perhaps we'd better call the priest, eh?" + +"Stiepan, drink some water," said the sailor. "Here, mate, have a +drink." + +"What's the good of breaking his teeth with the jug," shouted Goussiev +angrily. "Don't you see, you fatheads?" + +"What." + +"What!" cried Goussiev. "He's snuffed it, dead. That's what! Good God, +what fools!..." + + +III + +The rolling stopped and Pavel Ivanich cheered up. He was no longer +peevish. His face had an arrogant, impetuous, and mocking expression. He +looked as if he were on the point of saying: "I'll tell you a story that +will make you die of laughter." Their port-hole was open and a soft +wind blew in on Pavel Ivanich. Voices could be heard and the splash of +oars in the water.... Beneath the window some one was howling in a thin, +horrible voice; probably a Chinaman singing. + +"Yes. We are in harbour," said Pavel Ivanich, smiling mockingly. +"Another month and we shall be in Russia. It's true; my gallant +warriors, I shall get to Odessa and thence I shall go straight to +Kharkhov. At Kharkhov I have a friend, a literary man. I shall go to him +and I shall say, 'now, my friend, give up your rotten little +love-stories and descriptions of nature, and expose the vileness of the +human biped.... There's a subject for you.'" + +He thought for a moment and then he said: + +"Goussiev, do you know how I swindled them?" + +"Who, Pavel Ivanich?" + +"The lot out there.... You see there's only first and third class on the +steamer, and only peasants are allowed to go third. If you have a decent +suit, and look like a nobleman or a bourgeois, at a distance, then you +must go first. It may break you, but you have to lay down your five +hundred roubles. 'What's the point of such an arrangement?' I asked. 'Is +it meant to raise the prestige of Russian intellectuals?' 'Not a bit,' +said they. 'We don't let you go, simply because it is impossible for a +decent man to go third. It is so vile and disgusting.' 'Yes,' said I. +'Thanks for taking so much trouble about decent people. Anyhow, bad or +no, I haven't got five hundred roubles as I have neither robbed the +treasury nor exploited foreigners, nor dealt in contraband, nor flogged +any one to death, and, therefore, I think I have a right to go +first-class and to take rank with the intelligentsia of Russia.' But +there's no convincing them by logic.... I had to try fraud. I put on a +peasant's coat and long boots, and a drunken, stupid expression and went +to the agent and said: 'Give me a ticket, your Honour.' + +"'What's your position?' says the agent. + +"'Clerical,' said I. 'My father was an honest priest. He always told the +truth to the great ones of the earth, and so he suffered much.'" + +Pavel Ivanich got tired with talking, and his breath failed him, but he +went on: + +"Yes. I always tell the truth straight out.... I am afraid of nobody and +nothing. There's a great difference between myself and you in that +respect. You are dull, blind, stupid, you see nothing, and you don't +understand what you do see. You are told that the wind breaks its chain, +that you are brutes and worse, and you believe; you are thrashed and you +kiss the hand that thrashes you; a swine in a raccoon pelisse robs you, +and throws you sixpence for tea, and you say: 'Please, your Honour, let +me kiss your hand.' You are pariahs, skunks.... I am different. I live +consciously. I see everything, as an eagle or a hawk sees when it hovers +over the earth, and I understand everything. I am a living protest. I +see injustice--I protest; I see bigotry and hypocrisy--I protest; I see +swine triumphant--I protest, and I am unconquerable. No Spanish +inquisition can make me hold my tongue. Aye.... Cut my tongue out. I'll +protest by gesture.... Shut me up in a dungeon--I'll shout so loud that +I shall be heard for a mile round, or I'll starve myself, so that there +shall be a still heavier weight on their black consciences. Kill me--and +my ghost will return. All my acquaintances tell me: 'You are a most +insufferable man, Pavel Ivanich!' I am proud of such a reputation. I +served three years in the Far East, and have got bitter memories enough +for a hundred years. I inveighed against it all. My friends write from +Russia: 'Do not come.' But I'm going, to spite them.... Yes.... That is +life. I understand. You can call that life." + +Goussiev was not listening, but lay looking out of the port-hole; on the +transparent lovely turquoise water swung a boat all shining in the +shimmering light; a fat Chinaman was sitting in it eating rice with +chop-sticks. The water murmured softly, and over it lazily soared white +sea-gulls. + +"It would be fun to give that fat fellow one on the back of his +neck...." thought Goussiev, watching the fat Chinaman and yawning. + +He dozed, and it seemed to him that all the world was slumbering. Time +slipped swiftly away. The day passed imperceptibly; imperceptibly the +twilight fell.... The steamer was still no longer but was moving on. + + +IV + +Two days passed. Pavel Ivanich no longer sat up, but lay full length; +his eyes were closed and his nose seemed to be sharper than ever. + +"Pavel Ivanich!" called Goussiev, "Pavel Ivanich." + +Pavel Ivanich opened his eyes and moved his lips. + +"Aren't you well?" + +"It's nothing," answered Pavel Ivanich, breathing heavily. "It's +nothing. No. I'm much better. You see I can lie down now. I'm much +better." + +"Thank God for it, Pavel Ivanich." + +"When I compare myself with you, I am sorry for you ... poor devils. My +lungs are all right; my cough comes from indigestion ... I can endure +this hell, not to mention the Red Sea! Besides, I have a critical +attitude toward my illness, as well as to my medicine. But you ... you +are ignorant.... It's hard lines on you, very hard." + +The ship was running smoothly; it was calm but still stifling and hot as +a Turkish bath; it was hard not only to speak but even to listen without +an effort. Goussiev clasped his knees, leaned his head on them and +thought of his native place. My God, in such heat it was a pleasure to +think of snow and cold! He saw himself driving on a sledge, and suddenly +the horses were frightened and bolted.... Heedless of roads, dikes, +ditches they rushed like mad through the village, across the pond, past +the works, through the fields.... "Hold them in!" cried the women and +the passers-by. "Hold them in!" But why hold them in? Let the cold wind +slap your face and cut your hands; let the lumps of snow thrown up by +the horses' hoofs fall on your hat, down your neck and chest; let the +runners of the sledge be buckled, and the traces and harness be torn and +be damned to it! What fun when the sledge topples over and you are flung +hard into a snow-drift; with your face slap into the snow, and you get +up all white with your moustaches covered with icicles, hatless, +gloveless, with your belt undone.... People laugh and dogs bark.... + +Pavel Ivanich, with one eye half open looked at Goussiev and asked +quietly: + +"Goussiev, did your commander steal?" + +"How do I know, Pavel Ivanich? The likes of us don't hear of it." + +A long time passed in silence. Goussiev thought, dreamed, drank water; +it was difficult to speak, difficult to hear, and he was afraid of being +spoken to. One hour passed, a second, a third; evening came, then night; +but he noticed nothing as he sat dreaming of the snow. + +He could hear some one coming into the ward; voices, but five minutes +passed and all was still. + +"God rest his soul!" said the soldier with the bandaged hand. "He was a +restless man." + +"What?" asked Goussiev. "Who?" + +"He's dead. He has just been taken up-stairs." + +"Oh, well," muttered Goussiev with a yawn. "God rest his soul." + +"What do you think, Goussiev?" asked the bandaged soldier after some +time. "Will he go to heaven?" + +"Who?" + +"Pavel Ivanich." + +"He will. He suffered much. Besides, he was a priest's son, and priests +have many relations. They will pray for his soul." + +The bandaged soldier sat down on Goussiev's hammock and said in an +undertone: + +"You won't live much longer, Goussiev. You'll never see Russia." + +"Did the doctor or the nurse tell you that?" asked Goussiev. + +"No one told me, but I can see it. You can always tell when a man is +going to die soon. You neither eat nor drink, and you have gone very +thin and awful to look at. Consumption. That's what it is. I'm not +saying this to make you uneasy, but because I thought you might like to +have the last sacrament. And if you have any money, you had better give +it to the senior officer." + +"I have not written home," said Goussiev. "I shall die and they will +never know." + +"They will know," said the sailor in his deep voice. "When you die they +will put you down in the log, and at Odessa they will give a note to the +military governor, and he will send it to your parish or wherever it +is...." + +This conversation made Goussiev begin to feel unhappy and a vague desire +began to take possession of him. He drank water--it was not that; he +stretched out to the port-hole and breathed the hot, moist air--it was +not that; he tried to think of his native place and the snow--it was not +that.... At last he felt that he would choke if he stayed a moment +longer in the hospital. + +"I feel poorly, mates," he said. "I want to go on deck. For Christ's +sake take me on deck." + +Goussiev flung his arms round the soldier's neck and the soldier held +him with his free arm and supported him up the gangway. On deck there +were rows and rows of sleeping soldiers and sailors; so many of them +that it was difficult to pick a way through them. + +"Stand up," said the bandaged soldier gently. "Walk after me slowly and +hold on to my shirt...." + +It was dark. There was no light on deck or on the masts or over the sea. +In the bows a sentry stood motionless as a statue, but he looked as if +he were asleep. It was as though the steamer had been left to its own +sweet will, to go where it liked. + +"They are going to throw Pavel Ivanich into the sea," said the bandaged +soldier. "They will put him in a sack and throw him overboard." + +"Yes. That's the way they do." + +"But it's better to lie at home in the earth. Then the mother can go to +the grave and weep over it." + +"Surely." + +There was a smell of dung and hay. With heads hanging there were oxen +standing by the bulwark--one, two, three ... eight beasts. And there was +a little horse. Goussiev put out his hand to pat it, but it shook its +head, showed its teeth and tried to bite his sleeve. + +"Damn you," said Goussiev angrily. + +He and the soldier slowly made their way to the bows and stood against +the bulwark and looked silently up and down. Above them was the wide +sky, bright with stars, peace and tranquillity--exactly as it was at +home in his village; but below--darkness and turbulence. Mysterious +towering waves. Each wave seemed to strive to rise higher than the rest; +and they pressed and jostled each other and yet others came, fierce and +ugly, and hurled themselves into the fray. + +There is neither sense nor pity in the sea. Had the steamer been +smaller, and not made of tough iron, the waves would have crushed it +remorselessly and all the men in it, without distinction of good and +bad. The steamer too seemed cruel and senseless. The large-nosed monster +pressed forward and cut its way through millions of waves; it was +afraid neither of darkness, nor of the wind, nor of space, nor of +loneliness; it cared for nothing, and if the ocean had its people, the +monster would crush them without distinction of good and bad. + +"Where are we now?" asked Goussiev. + +"I don't know. Must be the ocean." + +"There's no land in sight." + +"Why, they say we shan't see land for another seven days." + +The two soldiers looked at the white foam gleaming with phosphorescence. +Goussiev was the first to break the silence. + +"Nothing is really horrible," he said. "You feel uneasy, as if you were +in a dark forest. Suppose a boat were lowered and I was ordered to go a +hundred miles out to sea to fish--I would go. Or suppose I saw a soul +fall into the water--I would go in after him. I wouldn't go in for a +German or a Chinaman, but I'd try to save a Russian." + +"Aren't you afraid to die?" + +"Yes. I'm afraid. I'm sorry for the people at home. I have a brother at +home, you know, and he is not steady; he drinks, beats his wife for +nothing at all, and my old father and mother may be brought to ruin. But +my legs are giving way, mate, and it is hot here.... Let me go to bed." + + +V + +Goussiev went back to the ward and lay down in his hammock. As before, a +vague desire tormented him and he could not make out what it was. There +was a congestion in his chest; a noise in his head, and his mouth was so +dry that he could hardly move his tongue. He dozed and dreamed, and, +exhausted by the heat, his cough and the nightmares that haunted him, +toward morning he fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed he was in barracks, +and the bread had just been taken out of the oven, and he crawled into +the oven and lathered himself with a birch broom. He slept for two days +and on the third day in the afternoon two sailors came down and carried +him out of the ward. + +He was sewn up in sail-cloth, and to make him heavier two iron bars were +sewn up with him. In the sail-cloth he looked like a carrot or a radish, +broad at the top, narrow at the bottom.... Just before sunset he was +taken on deck and laid on a board one end of which lay on the bulwark, +the other on a box, raised up by a stool. Round him stood the invalided +soldiers. + +"Blessed is our God," began the priest; "always, now and for ever and +ever." + +"Amen!" said three sailors. + +The soldiers and the crew crossed themselves and looked askance at the +waves. It was strange that a man should be sewn up in sail-cloth and +dropped into the sea. Could it happen to any one? + +The priest sprinkled Goussiev with earth and bowed. A hymn was sung. + +The guard lifted up the end of the board, Goussiev slipped down it; shot +headlong, turned over in the air, then plop! The foam covered him, for a +moment it looked as though he was swathed in lace, but the moment +passed--and he disappeared beneath the waves. + +He dropped down to the bottom. Would he reach it? The bottom is miles +down, they say. He dropped down almost sixty or seventy feet, then began +to go slower and slower, swung to and fro as though he were thinking; +then, borne along by the current; he moved more sideways than downward. + +But soon he met a shoal of pilot-fish. Seeing a dark body, the fish +stopped dead and sudden, all together, turned and went back. Less than a +minute later, like arrows they darted at Goussiev, zigzagging through +the water around him.... + +Later came another dark body, a shark. Gravely and leisurely, as though +it had not noticed Goussiev, it swam up under him, and he rolled over on +its back; it turned its belly up, taking its ease in the warm, +translucent water, and slowly opened its mouth with its two rows of +teeth. The pilot-fish were wildly excited; they stopped to see what was +going to happen. The shark played with the body, then slowly opened its +mouth under it, touched it with its teeth, and the sail-cloth was ripped +open from head to foot; one of the bars fell out, frightening the +pilot-fish and striking the shark on its side, and sank to the bottom. + +And above the surface, the clouds were huddling up about the setting +sun; one cloud was like a triumphal arch, another like a lion, another +like a pair of scissors.... From behind the clouds came a broad green +ray reaching up to the very middle of the sky; a little later a violet +ray was flung alongside this, and then others gold and pink.... The sky +was soft and lilac, pale and tender. At first beneath the lovely, +glorious sky the ocean frowned, but soon the ocean also took on +colour--sweet, joyful, passionate colours, almost impossible to name in +human language. + + + + +MY LIFE + +THE STORY OF A PROVINCIAL + + +The director said to me: "I only keep you out of respect for your worthy +father, or you would have gone long since." I replied: "You flatter me, +your Excellency, but I suppose I am in a position to go." And then I +heard him saying: "Take the fellow away, he is getting on my nerves." + +Two days later I was dismissed. Ever since I had been grown up, to the +great sorrow of my father, the municipal architect, I had changed my +position nine times, going from one department to another, but all the +departments were as like each other as drops of water; I had to sit and +write, listen to inane and rude remarks, and just wait until I was +dismissed. + +When I told my father, he was sitting back in his chair with his eyes +shut. His thin, dry face, with a dove-coloured tinge where he shaved +(his face was like that of an old Catholic organist), wore an expression +of meek submission. Without answering my greeting or opening his eyes, +he said: + +"If my dear wife, your mother, were alive, your life would be a constant +grief to her. I can see the hand of Providence in her untimely death. +Tell me, you unhappy boy," he went on, opening his eyes, "what am I to +do with you?" + +When I was younger my relations and friends knew what to do with me; +some advised me to go into the army as a volunteer, others were for +pharmacy, others for the telegraph service; but now that I was +twenty-four and was going grey at the temples and had already tried the +army and pharmacy and the telegraph service, and every possibility +seemed to be exhausted, they gave me no more advice, but only sighed and +shook their heads. + +"What do you think of yourself?" my father went on. "At your age other +young men have a good social position, and just look at yourself: a lazy +lout, a beggar, living on your father!" + +And, as usual, he went on to say that young men were going to the dogs +through want of faith, materialism, and conceit, and that amateur +theatricals should be prohibited because they seduce young people from +religion and their duty. + +"To-morrow we will go together, and you shall apologise to the director +and promise to do your work conscientiously," he concluded. "You must +not be without a position in society for a single day." + +"Please listen to me," said I firmly, though I did not anticipate +gaining anything by speaking. "What you call a position in society is +the privilege of capital and education. But people who are poor and +uneducated have to earn their living by hard physical labour, and I see +no reason why I should be an exception." + +"It is foolish and trivial of you to talk of physical labour," said my +father with some irritation. "Do try to understand, you idiot, and get +it into your brainless head, that in addition to physical strength you +have a divine spirit; a sacred fire, by which you are distinguished from +an ass or a reptile and bringing you nigh to God. This sacred fire has +been kept alight for thousands of years by the best of mankind. Your +great-grandfather, General Pologniev, fought at Borodino; your +grandfather was a poet, an orator, and a marshal of the nobility; your +uncle was an educationalist; and I, your father, am an architect! Have +all the Polognievs kept the sacred fire alight for you to put it out?" + +"There must be justice," said I. "Millions of people have to do manual +labour." + +"Let them. They can do nothing else! Even a fool or a criminal can do +manual labour. It is the mark of a slave and a barbarian, whereas the +sacred fire is given only to a few!" + +It was useless to go on with the conversation. My father worshipped +himself and would not be convinced by anything unless he said it +himself. Besides, I knew quite well that the annoyance with which he +spoke of unskilled labour came not so much from any regard for the +sacred fire, as from a secret fear that I should become a working man +and the talk of the town. But the chief thing was that all my +schoolfellows had long ago gone through the University and were making +careers for themselves, and the son of the director of the State Bank +was already a collegiate assessor, while I, an only son, was nothing! It +was useless and unpleasant to go on with the conversation, but I still +sat there and raised objections in the hope of making myself understood. +The problem was simple and clear: how was I to earn my living? But he +could not see its simplicity and kept on talking with sugary rounded +phrases about Borodino and the sacred fire, and my uncle, and the +forgotten poet who wrote bad, insincere verses, and he called me a +brainless fool. But how I longed to be understood! In spite of +everything, I loved my father and my sister, and from boyhood I have had +a habit of considering them, so strongly rooted that I shall probably +never get rid of it; whether I am right or wrong I am always afraid of +hurting them, and go in terror lest my father's thin neck should go red +with anger and he should have an apoplectic fit. + +"It is shameful and degrading for a man of my age to sit in a stuffy +room and compete with a typewriting-machine," I said. "What has that to +do with the sacred fire?" + +"Still, it is intellectual work," said my father. "But that's enough. +Let us drop the conversation and I warn you that if you refuse to +return to your office and indulge your contemptible inclinations, then +you will lose my love and your sister's. I shall cut you out of my +will--that I swear, by God!" + +With perfect sincerity, in order to show the purity of my motives, by +which I hope to be guided all through my life, I said: + +"The matter of inheritance does not strike me as important. I renounce +any rights I may have." + +For some unexpected reason these words greatly offended my father. He +went purple in the face. + +"How dare you talk to me like that, you fool!" he cried to me in a thin, +shrill voice. "You scoundrel!" And he struck me quickly and dexterously +with a familiar movement; once--twice. "You forget yourself!" + +When I was a boy and my father struck me, I used to stand bolt upright +like a soldier and look him straight in the face; and, exactly as if I +were still a boy, I stood erect, and tried to look into his eyes. My +father was old and very thin, but his spare muscles must have been as +strong as whip-cord, for he hit very hard. + +I returned to the hall, but there he seized his umbrella and struck me +several times over the head and shoulders; at that moment my sister +opened the drawing-room door to see what the noise was, but immediately +drew back with an expression of pity and horror, and said not one word +in my defence. + +My intention not to return to the office, but to start a new working +life, was unshakable. It only remained to choose the kind of work--and +there seemed to be no great difficulty about that, because I was strong, +patient, and willing. I was prepared to face a monotonous, laborious +life, of semi-starvation, filth, and rough surroundings, always +overshadowed with the thought of finding a job and a living. And--who +knows--returning from work in the Great Gentry Street, I might often +envy Dolyhikov, the engineer, who lives by intellectual work, but I was +happy in thinking of my coming troubles. I used to dream of intellectual +activity, and to imagine myself a teacher, a doctor, a writer, but my +dreams remained only dreams. A liking for intellectual pleasures--like +the theatre and reading--grew into a passion with me, but I did not know +whether I had any capacity for intellectual work. At school I had an +unconquerable aversion for the Greek language, so that I had to leave +when I was in the fourth class. Teachers were got to coach me up for the +fifth class, and then I went into various departments, spending most of +my time in perfect idleness, and this, I was told, was intellectual +work. + +My activity in the education department or in the municipal office +required neither mental effort, nor talent, nor personal ability, nor +creative spiritual impulse; it was purely mechanical, and such +intellectual work seemed to me lower than manual labour. I despise it +and I do not think that it for a moment justifies an idle, careless +life, because it is nothing but a swindle, and only a kind of idleness. +In all probability I have never known real intellectual work. + +It was evening. We lived in Great Gentry Street--the chief street in the +town--and our rank and fashion walked up and down it in the evenings, as +there were no public gardens. The street was very charming, and was +almost as good as a garden, for it had two rows of poplar-trees, which +smelt very sweet, especially after rain, and acacias, and tall trees, +and apple-trees hung over the fences and hedges. May evenings, the scent +of the lilac, the hum of the cockchafers, the warm, still air--how new +and extraordinary it all is, though spring comes every year! I stood by +the gate and looked at the passers-by. With most of them I had grown up +and had played with them, but now my presence might upset them, because +I was poorly dressed, in unfashionable clothes, and people made fun of +my very narrow trousers and large, clumsy boots, and called them +macaroni-on-steamboats. And I had a bad reputation in the town because I +had no position and went to play billiards in low cafes, and had once +been taken up, for no particular offence, by the political police. + +In a large house opposite, Dolyhikov's, the engineer's, some one was +playing the piano. It was beginning to get dark and the stars were +beginning to shine. And slowly, answering people's salutes, my father +passed with my sister on his arm. He was wearing an old top hat with a +broad curly brim. + +"Look!" he said to my sister, pointing to the sky with the very umbrella +with which he had just struck me. "Look at the sky! Even the smallest +stars are worlds! How insignificant man is in comparison with the +universe." + +And he said this in a tone that seemed to convey that he found it +extremely flattering and pleasant to be so insignificant. What an +untalented man he was! Unfortunately, he was the only architect in the +town, and during the last fifteen or twenty years I could not remember +one decent house being built. When he had to design a house, as a rule +he would draw first the hall and the drawing-room; as in olden days +schoolgirls could only begin to dance by the fireplace, so his artistic +ideas could only evolve from the hall and drawing-room. To them he would +add the dining-room, nursery, study, connecting them with doors, so that +in the end they were just so many passages, and each room had two or +three doors too many. His houses were obscure, extremely confused, and +limited. Every time, as though he felt something was missing, he had +recourse to various additions, plastering them one on top of the other, +and there would be various lobbies, and passages, and crooked staircases +leading to the entresol, where it was only possible to stand in a +stooping position, and where instead of a floor there would be a thin +flight of stairs like a Russian bath, and the kitchen would always be +under the house with a vaulted ceiling and a brick floor. The front of +his houses always had a hard, stubborn expression, with stiff, French +lines, low, squat roofs, and fat, pudding-like chimneys surmounted with +black cowls and squeaking weathercocks. And somehow all the houses +built by my father were like each other, and vaguely reminded me of a +top hat, and the stiff, obstinate back of his head. In the course of +time the people of the town grew used to my father's lack of talent, +which took root and became our style. + +My father introduced the style into my sister's life. To begin with, he +gave her the name of Cleopatra (and he called me Misail). When she was a +little girl he used to frighten her by telling her about the stars and +our ancestors; and explained the nature of life and duty to her at great +length; and now when she was twenty-six he went on in the same way, +allowing her to take no one's arm but his own, and somehow imagining +that sooner or later an ardent young man would turn up and wish to enter +into marriage with her out of admiration for his qualities. And she +adored my father, was afraid of him, and believed in his extraordinary +intellectual powers. + +It got quite dark and the street grew gradually empty. In the house +opposite the music stopped. The gate was wide open and out into the +street, careering with all its bells jingling, came a troika. It was the +engineer and his daughter going for a drive. Time to go to bed! + +I had a room in the house, but I lived in the courtyard in a hut, under +the same roof as the coach-house, which had been built probably as a +harness-room--for there were big nails in the walls--but now it was not +used, and my father for thirty years had kept his newspapers there, +which for some reason he had bound half-yearly and then allowed no one +to touch. Living there I was less in touch with my father and his +guests, and I used to think that if I did not live in a proper room and +did not go to the house every day for meals, my father's reproach that I +was living on him lost some of its sting. + +My sister was waiting for me. She had brought me supper unknown to my +father; a small piece of cold veal and a slice of bread. In the family +there were sayings: "Money loves an account," or "A copeck saves a +rouble," and so on, and my sister, impressed by such wisdom, did her +best to cut down expenses and made us feed rather meagrely. She put the +plate on the table, sat on my bed, and began to cry. + +"Misail," she said, "what are you doing to us?" + +She did not cover her face, her tears ran down her cheeks and hands, and +her expression was sorrowful. She fell on the pillow, gave way to her +tears, trembling all over and sobbing. + +"You have left your work again!" she said. "How awful!" + +"Do try to understand, sister!" I said, and because she cried I was +filled with despair. + +As though it were deliberately arranged, the paraffin in my little lamp +ran out, and the lamp smoked and guttered, and the old hooks in the wall +looked terrible and their shadows flickered. + +"Spare us!" said my sister, rising up. "Father is in an awful state, and +I am ill. I shall go mad. What will become of you?" she asked, sobbing +and holding out her hands to me. "I ask you, I implore you, in the name +of our dear mother, to go back to your work." + +"I cannot, Cleopatra," I said, feeling that only a little more would +make me give in. "I cannot." + +"Why?" insisted my sister, "why? If you have not made it up with your +chief, look for another place. For instance, why shouldn't you work on +the railway? I have just spoken to Aniuta Blagovo, and she assures me +you would be taken on, and she even promised to do what she could for +you. For goodness sake, Misail, think! Think it over, I implore you!" + +We talked a little longer and I gave in. I said that the thought of +working on the railway had never come into my head, and that I was ready +to try. + +She smiled happily through her tears and clasped my hand, and still she +cried, because she could not stop, and I went into the kitchen for +paraffin. + + +II + +Among the supporters of amateur theatricals, charity concerts, and +_tableaux vivants_ the leaders were the Azhoguins, who lived in their +own house in Great Gentry house the Street. They used to lend their +house and assume the necessary trouble and expense. They were a rich +landowning family, and had about three thousand _urskins_, with a +magnificent farm in the neighbourhood, but they did not care for village +life and lived in the town summer and winter. The family consisted of a +mother, a tall, spare, delicate lady, who had short hair, wore a blouse +and a plain skirt a l'Anglais, and three daughters, who were spoken of, +not by their names, but as the eldest, the middle, and the youngest; +they all had ugly, sharp chins, and they were short-sighted, +high-shouldered, dressed in the same style as their mother, had an +unpleasant lisp, and yet they always took part in every play and were +always doing something for charity--acting, reciting, singing. They were +very serious and never smiled, and even in burlesque operettas they +acted without gaiety and with a businesslike air, as though they were +engaged in bookkeeping. + +I loved our plays, especially the rehearsals, which were frequent, +rather absurd, and noisy, and we were always given supper after them. I +had no part in the selection of the pieces and the casting of the +characters. I had to look after the stage. I used to design the scenery +and copy out the parts, and prompt and make up. And I also had to look +after the various effects such as thunder, the singing of a nightingale, +and so on. Having no social position, I had no decent clothes, and +during rehearsals had to hold aloof from the others in the darkened +wings and shyly say nothing. + +I used to paint the scenery in the Azhoguins' coach-house or yard. I was +assisted by a house-painter, or, as he called himself, a decorating +contractor, named Andrey Ivanov, a man of about fifty, tall and very +thin and pale, with a narrow chest, hollow temples, and dark rings under +his eyes, he was rather awful to look at. He had some kind of wasting +disease, and every spring and autumn he was said to be on the point of +death, but he would go to bed for a while and then get up and say with +surprise: "I'm not dead this time!" + +In the town he was called Radish, and people said it was his real name. +He loved the theatre as much as I, and no sooner did he hear that a play +was in hand than he gave up all his work and went to the Azhoguins' to +paint scenery. + +The day after my conversation with my sister I worked from morning till +night at the Azhoguins'. The rehearsal was fixed for seven o'clock, and +an hour before it began all the players were assembled, and the eldest, +the middle, and the youngest Miss Azhoguin were reading their parts on +the stage. Radish, in a long, brown overcoat with a scarf wound round +his neck, was standing, leaning with his head against the wall, looking +at the stage with a rapt expression. Mrs. Azhoguin went from guest to +guest saying something pleasant to every one. She had a way of gazing +into one's face and speaking in a hushed voice as though she were +telling a secret. + +"It must be difficult to paint scenery," she said softly, coming up to +me. "I was just talking to Mrs. Mufke about prejudice when I saw you +come in. Mon Dieu! All my life I have struggled against prejudice. To +convince the servants that all their superstitions are nonsense I always +light three candles, and I begin all my important business on the +thirteenth." + +The daughter of Dolyhikov, the engineer, was there, a handsome, plump, +fair girl, dressed, as people said in our town, in Parisian style. She +did not act, but at rehearsals a chair was put for her on the stage, and +the plays did not begin until she appeared in the front row, to astonish +everybody with the brilliance of her clothes. As coming from the +metropolis, she was allowed to make remarks during rehearsals, and she +did so with an affable, condescending smile, and it was clear that she +regarded our plays as a childish amusement. It was said that she had +studied singing at the Petersburg conservatoire and had sung for a +winter season in opera. I liked her very much, and during rehearsals or +the performance, I never took my eyes off her. + +I had taken the book and began to prompt when suddenly my sister +appeared. Without taking off her coat and hat she came up to me and +said: + +"Please come!" + +I went. Behind the stage in the doorway stood Aniuta Blagovo, also +wearing a hat with a dark veil. She was the daughter of the +vice-president of the Court, who had been appointed to our town years +ago, almost as soon as the High Court was established. She was tall and +had a good figure, and was considered indispensable for the _tableaux +vivants_, and when she represented a fairy or a muse, her face would +burn with shame; but she took no part in the plays, and would only look +in at rehearsals, on some business, and never enter the hall. And it was +evident now that she had only looked in for a moment. + +"My father has mentioned you," she said drily, not looking at me and +blushing.... "Dolyhikov has promised to find you something to do on the +railway. If you go to his house to-morrow, he will see you." + +I bowed and thanked her for her kindness. + +"And you must leave this," she said, pointing to my book. + +She and my sister went up to Mrs. Azhoguin and began to whisper, looking +at me. + +"Indeed," said Mrs. Azhoguin, coming up to me, and gazing into my face. +"Indeed, if it takes you from your more serious business"--she took the +book out of my hands--"then you must hand it over to some one else. +Don't worry, my friend. It will be all right." + +I said good-bye and left in some confusion. As I went down-stairs I saw +my sister and Aniuta Blagovo going away; they were talking animatedly, I +suppose about my going on the railway, and they hurried away. My sister +had never been to a rehearsal before, and she was probably tortured by +her conscience and by her fear of my father finding out that she had +been to the Azhoguins' without permission. + +The next day I went to see Dolyhikov at one o'clock. The man servant +showed me into a charming room, which was the engineer's drawing-room +and study. Everything in it was charming and tasteful, and to a man like +myself, unused to such things, very strange. Costly carpets, huge +chairs, bronzes, pictures in gold and velvet frames; photographs on the +walls of beautiful women, clever, handsome faces, and striking +attitudes; from the drawing-room a door led straight into the garden, by +a veranda, and I saw lilac and a table laid for breakfast, rolls, and a +bunch of roses; and there was a smell of spring, and good cigars, and +happiness--and everything seemed to say, here lives a man who has worked +and won the highest happiness here on earth. At the table the engineer's +daughter was sitting reading a newspaper. + +"Do you want my father?" she asked. "He is having a shower-bath. He will +be down presently. Please take a chair." + +I sat down. + +"I believe you live opposite?" she asked after a short silence. + +"Yes." + +"When I have nothing to do I look out of the window. You must excuse +me," she added, turning to her newspaper, "and I often see you and your +sister. She has such a kind, wistful expression." + +Dolyhikov came in. He was wiping his neck with a towel. + +"Papa, this is Mr. Pologniev," said his daughter. + +"Yes, yes. Blagovo spoke to me." He turned quickly to me, but did not +hold out his hand. "But what do you think I can give you? I'm not +bursting with situations. You are queer people!" he went on in a loud +voice and as though he were scolding me. "I get about twenty people +every day, as though I were a Department of State. I run a railway, sir. +I employ hard labour; I need mechanics, navvies, joiners, well-sinkers, +and you can only sit and write. That's all! You are all clerks!" + +And he exhaled the same air of happiness as his carpets and chairs. He +was stout, healthy, with red cheeks and a broad chest; he looked clean +in his pink shirt and wide trousers, just like a china figure of a +post-boy. He had a round, bristling beard--and not a single grey +hair--and a nose with a slight bridge, and bright, innocent, dark eyes. + +"What can you do?" he went on. "Nothing! I am an engineer and +well-to-do, but before I was given this railway I worked very hard for a +long time. I was an engine-driver for two years, I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. Now, my dear man, just think--what work can I +offer you?" + +"I quite agree," said I, utterly abashed, not daring to meet his bright, +innocent eyes. + +"Are you any good with the telegraph?" he asked after some thought. + +"Yes. I have been in the telegraph service." + +"Hm.... Well, we'll see. Go to Dubechnia. There's a fellow there +already. But he is a scamp." + +"And what will my duties be?" I asked. + +"We'll see to that later. Go there now. I'll give orders. But please +don't drivel and don't bother me with petitions or I'll kick you out." + +He turned away from me without even a nod. I bowed to him and his +daughter, who was reading the newspaper, and went out. I felt so +miserable that when my sister asked how the engineer had received me, I +could not utter a single word. + +To go to Dubechnia I got up early in the morning at sunrise. There was +not a soul in the street, the whole town was asleep, and my footsteps +rang out with a hollow sound. The dewy poplars filled the air with a +soft scent. I was sad and had no desire to leave the town. It seemed so +nice and warm! I loved the green trees, the quiet sunny mornings, the +ringing of the bells, but the people in the town were alien to me, +tiresome and sometimes even loathsome. I neither liked nor understood +them. + +I did not understand why or for what purpose those thirty-five thousand +people lived. I knew that Kimry made a living by manufacturing boots, +that Tula made samovars and guns, that Odessa was a port; but I did not +know what our town was or what it did. The people in Great Gentry Street +and two other clean streets had independent means and salaries paid by +the Treasury, but how the people lived in the other eight streets which +stretched parallel to each other for three miles and then were lost +behind the hill--that was always an insoluble problem to me. And I am +ashamed to think of the way they lived. They had neither public gardens, +nor a theatre, nor a decent orchestra; the town and club libraries are +used only by young Jews, so that books and magazines would lie for +months uncut. The rich and the intelligentsia slept in close, stuffy +bedrooms, with wooden beds infested with bugs; the children were kept in +filthy, dirty rooms called nurseries, and the servants, even when they +were old and respectable, slept on the kitchen floor and covered +themselves with rags. Except in Lent all the houses smelt of _bortsch_, +and during Lent of sturgeon fried in sunflower oil. The food was +unsavoury, the water unwholesome. On the town council, at the +governor's, at the archbishop's, everywhere there had been talk for +years about there being no good, cheap water-supply and of borrowing two +hundred thousand roubles from the Treasury. Even the very rich people, +of whom there were about thirty in the town, people who would lose a +whole estate at cards, used to drink the bad water and talk passionately +about the loan--and I could never understand this, for it seemed to me +it would be simpler for them to pay up the two hundred thousand. + +I did not know a single honest man in the whole town. My father took +bribes, and imagined they were given to him out of respect for his +spiritual qualities; the boys at the high school, in order to be +promoted, went to lodge with the masters and paid them large sums; the +wife of the military commandant took levies from the recruits during the +recruiting, and even allowed them to stand her drinks, and once she was +so drunk in church that she could not get up from her knees; during the +recruiting the doctors also took bribes, and the municipal doctor and +the veterinary surgeon levied taxes on the butcher shops and public +houses; the district school did a trade in certificates which gave +certain privileges in the civil service; the provosts took bribes from +the clergy and church-wardens whom they controlled, and on the town +council and various committees every one who came before them was +pursued with: "One expects thanks!"--and thereby forty copecks had to +change hands. And those who did not take bribes, like the High Court +officials, were stiff and proud, and shook hands with two fingers, and +were distinguished by their indifference and narrow-mindedness. They +drank and played cards, married rich women, and always had a bad, +insidious influence on those round them. Only the girls had any moral +purity; most of them had lofty aspirations and were pure and honest at +heart; but they knew nothing of life, and believed that bribes were +given to honour spiritual qualities; and when they married, they soon +grew old and weak, and were hopelessly lost in the mire of that vulgar, +bourgeois existence. + + +III + +A railway was being built in our district. On holidays and thereabouts +the town was filled with crowds of ragamuffins called "railies," of whom +the people were afraid. I used often to see a miserable wretch with a +bloody face, and without a hat, being dragged off by the police, and +behind him was the proof of his crime, a samovar or some wet, newly +washed linen. The "railies" used to collect near the public houses and +on the squares; and they drank, ate, and swore terribly, and whistled +after the town prostitutes. To amuse these ruffians our shopkeepers used +to make the cats and dogs drink vodka, or tie a kerosene-tin to a dog's +tail, and whistle to make the dog come tearing along the street with the +tin clattering after him, and making him squeal with terror and think he +had some frightful monster hard at his heels, so that he would rush out +of the town and over the fields until he could run no more. We had +several dogs in the town which were left with a permanent shiver and +used to crawl about with their tails between their legs, and people said +that they could not stand such tricks and had gone mad. + +The station was being built five miles from the town. It was said that +the engineer had asked for a bribe of fifty thousand roubles to bring +the station nearer, but the municipality would only agree to forty; they +would not give in to the extra ten thousand, and now the townspeople are +sorry because they had to make a road to the station which cost them +more. Sleepers and rails were fixed all along the line, and +service-trains were running to carry building materials and labourers, +and they were only waiting for the bridges upon which Dolyhikov was at +work, and here and there the stations were not ready. + +Dubechnia--the name of our first station--was seventeen versts from the +town. I went on foot. The winter and spring corn was bright green, +shining in the morning sun. The road was smooth and bright, and in the +distance I could see in outline the station, the hills, and the remote +farmhouses.... How good it was out in the open! And how I longed to be +filled with the sense of freedom, if only for that morning, to stop +thinking of what was going on in the town, or of my needs, or even of +eating! Nothing has so much prevented my living as the feeling of acute +hunger, which make my finest thoughts get mixed up with thoughts of +porridge, cutlets, and fried fish. When I stand alone in the fields and +look up at the larks hanging marvellously in the air, and bursting with +hysterical song, I think: "It would be nice to have some bread and +butter." Or when I sit in the road and shut my eyes and listen to the +wonderful sounds of a May-day, I remember how good hot potatoes smell. +Being big and of a strong constitution I never have quite enough to eat, +and so my chief sensation during the day is hunger, and so I can +understand why so many people who are working for a bare living, can +talk of nothing but food. + +At Dubechnia the station was being plastered inside, and the upper story +of the water-tank was being built. It was close and smelt of lime, and +the labourers were wandering lazily over piles of chips and rubbish. The +signalman was asleep near his box with the sun pouring straight into +his face. There was not a single tree. The telephone gave a faint hum, +and here and there birds had alighted on it. I wandered over the heaps, +not knowing what to do, and remembered how when I asked the engineer +what my duties would be, he had replied: "We will see there." But what +was there to see in such a wilderness? The plasterers were talking about +the foreman and about one Fedot Vassilievich. I could not understand and +was filled with embarrassment--physical embarrassment. I felt conscious +of my arms and legs, and of the whole of my big body, and did not know +what to do with them or where to go. + +After walking for at least a couple of hours I noticed that from the +station to the right of the line there were telegraph-poles which after +about one and a half or two miles ended in a white stone wall. The +labourers said it was the office, and I decided at last that I must go +there. + +It was a very old farmhouse, long unused. The wall of rough, white stone +was decayed, and in places had crumbled away, and the roof of the wing, +the blind wall of which looked toward the railway, had perished, and +was patched here and there with tin. Through the gates there was a large +yard, overgrown with tall grass, and beyond that, an old house with +Venetian blinds in the windows, and a high roof, brown with rot. On +either side of the house, to right and left, were two symmetrical wings; +the windows of one were boarded up, while by the other, the windows of +which were open, there were a number of calves grazing. The last +telegraph-pole stood in the yard, and the wire went from it to the wing +with the blind wall. The door was open and I went in. By the table at +the telegraph was sitting a man with a dark, curly head in a canvas +coat; he glared at me sternly and askance, but he immediately smiled and +said: + +"How do you do, Profit?" + +It was Ivan Cheprakov, my school friend, who was expelled, when he was +in the second class, for smoking. Once, during the autumn, we were out +catching goldfinches, starlings, and hawfinches, to sell them in the +market early in the morning when our parents were still asleep. + +We beat up flocks of starlings and shot at them with pellets, and then +picked up the wounded, and some died in terrible agony--I can still +remember how they moaned at night in my case--and some recovered. And we +sold them, and swore black and blue that they were male birds. Once in +the market I had only one starling left, which I hawked about and +finally sold for a copeck. "A little profit!" I said to console myself, +and from that time at school I was always known as "Little Profit," and +even now, schoolboys and the townspeople sometimes use the name to tease +me, though no one but myself remembers how it came about. + +Cheprakov never was strong. He was narrow-chested, round-shouldered, +long-legged. His tie looked like a piece of string, he had no waistcoat, +and his boots were worse than mine--with the heels worn down. He blinked +with his eyes and had an eager expression as though he were trying to +catch something and he was in a constant fidget. + +"You wait," he said, bustling about. "Look here!... What was I saying +just now?" + +We began to talk. I discovered that the estate had till recently +belonged to the Cheprakovs and only the previous autumn had passed to +Dolyhikov, who thought it more profitable to keep his money in land than +in shares, and had already bought three big estates in our district with +the transfer of all mortgages. When Cheprakov's mother sold, she +stipulated for the right to live in one of the wings for another two +years and got her son a job in the office. + +"Why shouldn't he buy?" said Cheprakov of the engineer. "He gets a lot +from the contractors. He bribes them all." + +Then he took me to dinner, deciding in his emphatic way that I was to +live with him in the wing and board with his mother. + +"She is a screw," he said, "but she will not take much from you." + +In the small rooms where his mother lived there was a queer jumble; even +the hall and the passage were stacked with furniture, which had been +taken from the house after the sale of the estate; and the furniture was +old, and of redwood. Mrs. Cheprakov, a very stout elderly lady, with +slanting, Chinese eyes, sat by the window, in a big chair, knitting a +stocking. She received me ceremoniously. + +"It is Pologniev, mother," said Cheprakov, introducing me. "He is going +to work here." + +"Are you a nobleman?" she asked in a strange, unpleasant voice as though +she had boiling fat in her throat. + +"Yes," I answered. + +"Sit down." + +The dinner was bad. It consisted only of a pie with unsweetened curds +and some milk soup. Elena Nikifirovna, my hostess, was perpetually +winking, first with one eye, then with the other. She talked and ate, +but in her whole aspect there was a deathlike quality, and one could +almost detect the smell of a corpse. Life hardly stirred in her, yet she +had the air of being the lady of the manor, who had once had her serfs, +and was the wife of a general, whose servants had to call him "Your +Excellency," and when these miserable embers of life flared up in her +for a moment, she would say to her son: + +"Ivan, that is not the way to hold your knife!" + +Or she would say, gasping for breath, with the preciseness of a hostess +labouring to entertain her guest: + +"We have just sold our estate, you know. It is a pity, of course, we +have got so used to being here, but Dolyhikov promised to make Ivan +station-master at Dubechnia, so that we shan't have to leave. We shall +live here on the station, which is the same as living on the estate. The +engineer is such a nice man! Don't you think him very handsome?" + +Until recently the Cheprakovs had been very well-to-do, but with the +general's death everything changed. Elena Nikifirovna began to quarrel +with the neighbours and to go to law, and she did not pay her bailiffs +and labourers; she was always afraid of being robbed--and in less than +ten years Dubechnia changed completely. + +Behind the house there was an old garden run wild, overgrown with tall +grass and brushwood. I walked along the terrace which was still +well-kept and beautiful; through the glass door I saw a room with a +parquet floor, which must have been the drawing-room. It contained an +ancient piano, some engravings in mahogany frames on the walls--and +nothing else. There was nothing left of the flower-garden but peonies +and poppies, rearing their white and scarlet heads above the ground; on +the paths, all huddled together, were young maples and elm-trees, which +had been stripped by the cows. The growth was dense and the garden +seemed impassable, and only near the house, where there still stood +poplars, firs, and some old bricks, were there traces of the former +avenues, and further on the garden was being cleared for a hay-field, +and here it was no longer allowed to run wild, and one's mouth and eyes +were no longer filled with spiders' webs, and a pleasant air was +stirring. The further out one went, the more open it was, and there were +cherry-trees, plum-trees, wide-spreading old apple-trees, lichened and +held up with props, and the pear-trees were so tall that it was +incredible that there could be pears on them. This part of the garden +was let to the market-women of our town, and it was guarded from thieves +and starlings by a peasant--an idiot who lived in a hut. + +The orchard grew thinner and became a mere meadow running down to the +river, which was overgrown with reeds and withy-beds. There was a pool +by the mill-dam, deep and full of fish, and a little mill with a straw +roof ground and roared, and the frogs croaked furiously. On the water, +which was as smooth as glass, circles appeared from time to time, and +water-lilies trembled on the impact of a darting fish. The village of +Dubechnia was on the other side of the river. The calm, azure pool was +alluring with its promise of coolness and rest. And now all this, the +pool, the mill, the comfortable banks of the river, belonged to the +engineer! + +And here my new work began. I received and despatched telegrams, I wrote +out various accounts and copied orders, claims, and reports, sent in to +the office by our illiterate foremen and mechanics. But most of the day +I did nothing, walking up and down the room waiting for telegrams, or I +would tell the boy to stay in the wing, and go into the garden until the +boy came to say the bell was ringing. I had dinner with Mrs. Cheprakov. +Meat was served very rarely; most of the dishes were made of milk, and +on Wednesdays and Fridays we had Lenten fare, and the food was served in +pink plates, which were called Lenten. Mrs. Cheprakov was always +blinking--the habit grew on her, and I felt awkward and embarrassed in +her presence. + +As there was not enough work for one, Cheprakov did nothing, but slept +or went down to the pool with his gun to shoot ducks. In the evenings he +got drunk in the village, or at the station, and before going to bed he +would look in the glass and say: + +"How are you, Ivan Cheprakov?" + +When he was drunk, he was very pale and used to rub his hands and laugh, +or rather neigh, He-he-he! Out of bravado he would undress himself and +run naked through the fields, and he used to eat flies and say they were +a bit sour. + + +IV + +Once after dinner he came running into the wing, panting, to say: + +"Your sister has come to see you." + +I went out and saw a fly standing by the steps of the house. My sister +had brought Aniuta Blagovo and a military gentleman in a summer uniform. +As I approached I recognised the military gentleman as Aniuta's brother, +the doctor. + +"We've come to take you for a picnic," he said, "if you've no +objection." + +My sister and Aniuta wanted to ask how I was getting on, but they were +both silent and only looked at me. They felt that I didn't like my job, +and tears came into my sister's eyes and Aniuta Blagovo blushed. We went +into the orchard, the doctor first, and he said ecstatically: + +"What air! By Jove, what air!" + +He was just a boy to look at. He talked and walked like an +undergraduate, and the look in his grey eyes was as lively, simple, and +frank as that of a nice boy. Compared with his tall, handsome sister he +looked weak and slight, and his little beard was thin and so was his +voice--a thin tenor, though quite pleasant. He was away somewhere with +his regiment and had come home on leave, and said that he was going to +Petersburg in the autumn to take his M.D. He already had a family--a +wife and three children; he had married young, in his second year at the +University, and people said he was unhappily married and was not living +with his wife. + +"What is the time?" My sister was uneasy. "We must go back soon, for my +father would only let me have until six o'clock." + +"Oh, your father," sighed the doctor. + +I made tea, and we drank it sitting on a carpet in front of the terrace, +and the doctor, kneeling, drank from his saucer, and said that he was +perfectly happy. Then Cheprakov fetched the key and unlocked the glass +door and we all entered the house. It was dark and mysterious and +smelled of mushrooms, and our footsteps made a hollow sound as though +there were a vault under the floor. The doctor stopped by the piano and +touched the keys and it gave out a faint, tremulous, cracked but still +melodious sound. He raised his voice and began to sing a romance, +frowning and impatiently stamping his foot when he touched a broken key. +My sister forgot about going home, but walked agitatedly up and down the +room and said: + +"I am happy! I am very, very happy!" + +There was a note of surprise in her voice as though it seemed impossible +to her that she should be happy. It was the first time in my life that I +had seen her so gay. She even looked handsome. Her profile was not good, +her nose and mouth somehow protruded and made her look as if she was +always blowing, but she had beautiful, dark eyes, a pale, very delicate +complexion, and a touching expression of kindness and sadness, and when +she spoke she seemed very charming and even beautiful. Both she and I +took after our mother; we were broad-shouldered, strong, and sturdy, but +her paleness was a sign of sickness, she often coughed, and in her eyes +I often noticed the expression common to people who are ill, but who for +some reason conceal it. In her present cheerfulness there was something +childish and naive, as though all the joy which had been suppressed and +dulled during our childhood by a strict upbringing, had suddenly +awakened in her soul and rushed out into freedom. + +But when evening came and the fly was brought round, my sister became +very quiet and subdued, and sat in the fly as though it were a +prison-van. + +Soon they were all gone. The noise of the fly died away.... I remembered +that Aniuta Blagovo had said not a single word to me all day. + +"A wonderful girl!" I thought "A wonderful girl." + +Lent came and every day we had Lenten dishes. I was greatly depressed by +my idleness and the uncertainty of my position, and, slothful, hungry, +dissatisfied with myself, I wandered over the estate and only waited for +an energetic mood to leave the place. + +Once in the afternoon when Radish was sitting in our wing, Dolyhikov +entered unexpectedly, very sunburnt, and grey with dust. He had been out +on the line for three days and had come to Dubechnia on a locomotive and +walked over. While he waited for the carriage which he had ordered to +come out to meet him he went over the estate with his bailiff, giving +orders in a loud voice, and then for a whole hour he sat in our wing and +wrote letters. When telegrams came through for him, he himself tapped +out the answers, while we stood there stiff and silent. + +"What a mess!" he said, looking angrily through the accounts. "I shall +transfer the office to the station in a fortnight and I don't know what +I shall do with you then." + +"I've done my best, sir," said Cheprakov. + +"Quite so. I can see what your best is. You can only draw your wages." +The engineer looked at me and went on. "You rely on getting +introductions to make a career for yourself with as little trouble as +possible. Well, I don't care about introductions. Nobody helped me. +Before I had this line, I was an engine-driver. I worked in Belgium as +an ordinary lubricator. And what are you doing here, Panteley?" he +asked, turning to Radish. "Going out drinking?" + +For some reason or other he called all simple people Panteley, while he +despised men like Cheprakov and myself, and called us drunkards, beasts, +canaille. As a rule he was hard on petty officials, and paid and +dismissed them ruthlessly without any explanation. + +At last the carriage came for him. When he left he promised to dismiss +us all in a fortnight; called the bailiff a fool, stretched himself out +comfortably in the carriage, and drove away. + +"Andrey Ivanich," I said to Radish, "will you take me on as a labourer?" + +"What! Why?" + +We went together toward the town, and when the station and the farm were +far behind us, I asked: + +"Andrey Ivanich, why did you come to Dubechnia?" + +"Firstly because some of my men are working on the line, and secondly to +pay interest to Mrs. Cheprakov. I borrowed fifty roubles from her last +summer, and now I pay her one rouble a month." + +The decorator stopped and took hold of my coat. + +"Misail Alereich, my friend," he went on, "I take it that if a common +man or a gentleman takes interest, he is a wrong-doer. The truth is not +in him." + +Radish, looking thin, pale, and rather terrible, shut his eyes, shook +his head, and muttered in a philosophic tone: + +"The grub eats grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul. God save us +miserable sinners!" + + +V + +Radish was unpractical and he was no business man; he undertook more +work than he could do, and when he came to payment he always lost his +reckoning and so was always out on the wrong side. He was a painter, a +glazier, a paper-hanger, and would even take on tiling, and I remember +how he used to run about for days looking for tiles to make an +insignificant profit. He was an excellent workman and would sometimes +earn ten roubles a day, and but for his desire to be a master and to +call himself a contractor, he would probably have made quite a lot of +money. + +He himself was paid by contract and paid me and the others by the day, +between seventy-five copecks and a rouble per day. When the weather was +hot and dry he did various outside jobs, chiefly painting roofs. Not +being used to it, my feet got hot, as though I were walking over a +red-hot oven, and when I wore felt boots my feet swelled. But this was +only at the beginning. Later on I got used to it and everything went all +right. I lived among the people, to whom work was obligatory and +unavoidable, people who worked like dray-horses, and knew nothing of the +moral value of labour, and never even used the word "labour" in their +talk. Among them I also felt like a dray-horse, more and more imbued +with the necessity and inevitability of what I was doing, and this made +my life easier, and saved me from doubt. + +At first everything amused me, everything was new. It was like being +born again. I could sleep on the ground and go barefoot--and found it +exceedingly pleasant. I could stand in a crowd of simple folks, without +embarrassing them, and when a cab-horse fell down in the street, I used +to run and help it up without being afraid of soiling my clothes. But, +best of all, I was living independently and was not a burden on any one. + +The painting of roofs, especially when we mixed our own paint, was +considered a very profitable business, and, therefore, even such good +workmen as Radish did not shun this rough and tiresome work. In short +trousers, showing his lean, muscular legs, he used to prowl over the +roof like a stork, and I used to hear him sigh wearily as he worked his +brush: + +"Woe, woe to us, miserable sinners!" + +He could walk as easily on a roof as on the ground. In spite of his +looking so ill and pale and corpse-like, his agility was extraordinary; +like any young man he would paint the cupola and the top of the church +without scaffolding, using only ladders and a rope, and it was queer and +strange when, standing there, far above the ground, he would rise to his +full height and cry to the world at large: + +"Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron, lies devour the soul!" + +Or, thinking of something, he would suddenly answer his own thought: + +"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!" + +When I went home from work all the people sitting outside their doors, +the shop assistants, dogs, and their masters, used to shout after me and +jeer spitefully, and at first it seemed monstrous and distressed me +greatly. + +"Little Profit," they used to shout. "House-painter! Yellow ochre!" + +And no one treated me so unmercifully as those who had only just risen +above the people and had quite recently had to work for their living. +Once in the market-place as I passed the ironmonger's a can of water was +spilled over me as if by accident, and once a stick was thrown at me. +And once a fishmonger, a grey-haired old man, stood in my way and looked +at me morosely and said: + +"It isn't you I'm sorry for, you fool, it's your father." + +And when my acquaintances met me they got confused. Some regarded me as +a queer fish and a fool, and they were sorry for me; others did not know +how to treat me and it was difficult to understand them. Once, in the +daytime, in one of the streets off Great Gentry Street, I met Aniuta +Blagovo. I was on my way to my work and was carrying two long brushes +and a pot of paint. When she recognised me, Aniuta blushed. + +"Please do not acknowledge me in the street," she said nervously, +sternly, in a trembling voice, without offering to shake hands with me, +and tears suddenly gleamed in her eyes. "If you must be like this, then, +so--so be it, but please avoid me in public!" + +I had left Great Gentry Street and was living in a suburb called +Makarikha with my nurse Karpovna, a good-natured but gloomy old woman +who was always looking for evil, and was frightened by her dreams, and +saw omens and ill in the bees and wasps which flew into her room. And in +her opinion my having become a working man boded no good. + +"You are lost!" she said mournfully, shaking her head. "Lost!" + +With her in her little house lived her adopted son, Prokofyi, a butcher, +a huge, clumsy fellow, of about thirty, with ginger hair and scrubby +moustache. When he met me in the hall, he would silently and +respectfully make way for me, and when he was drunk he would salute me +with his whole hand. In the evenings he used to have supper, and +through the wooden partition I could hear him snorting and snuffling as +he drank glass after glass. + +"Mother," he would say in an undertone. + +"Well," Karpovna would reply. She was passionately fond of him. "What is +it, my son?" + +"I'll do you a favour, mother. I'll feed you in your old age in this +vale of tears, and when you die I'll bury you at my own expense. So I +say and so I'll do." + +I used to get up every day before sunrise and go to bed early. We +painters ate heavily and slept soundly, and only during the night would +we have any excitement. I never quarrelled with my comrades. All day +long there was a ceaseless stream of abuse, cursing and hearty good +wishes, as, for instance, that one's eyes should burst, or that one +might be carried off by cholera, but, all the same, among ourselves we +were very friendly. The men suspected me of being a religious crank and +used to laugh at me good-naturedly, saying that even my own father +denounced me, and they used to say that they very seldom went to church +and that many of them had not been to confession for ten years, and +they justified their laxness by saying that a decorator is among men +like a jackdaw among birds. + +My mates respected me and regarded me with esteem; they evidently liked +my not drinking or smoking, and leading a quiet, steady life. They were +only rather disagreeably surprised at my not stealing the oil, or going +with them to ask our employers for a drink. The stealing of the +employers' oil and paint was a custom with house-painters, and was not +regarded as theft, and it was remarkable that even so honest a man as +Radish would always come away from work with some white lead and oil. +And even respectable old men who had their own houses in Makarikha were +not ashamed to ask for tips, and when the men, at the beginning or end +of a job, made up to some vulgar fool and thanked him humbly for a few +pence, I used to feel sick and sorry. + +With the customers they behaved like sly courtiers, and almost every day +I was reminded of Shakespeare's Polonius. + +"There will probably be rain," a customer would say, staring at the sky. + + +"It is sure to rain," the painters would agree. + +"But the clouds aren't rain-clouds. Perhaps it won't rain." + +"No, sir. It won't rain. It won't rain, sure." + +Behind their backs they generally regarded the customers ironically, and +when, for instance, they saw a gentleman sitting on his balcony with a +newspaper, they would say: + +"He reads newspapers, but he has nothing to eat." + +I never visited my people. When I returned from work I often found +short, disturbing notes from my sister about my father; how he was very +absent-minded at dinner, and then slipped away and locked himself in his +study and did not come out for a long time. Such news upset me. I could +not sleep, and I would go sometimes at night and walk along Great +Gentry Street by our house, and look up at the dark windows, and try to +guess if all was well within. On Sundays my sister would come to see me, +but by stealth, as though she came not to see me, but my nurse. And if +she came into my room she would look pale, with her eyes red, and at +once she would begin to weep. + +"Father cannot bear it much longer," she would say. "If, as God forbid, +something were to happen to him, it would be on your conscience all your +life. It is awful, Misail! For mother's sake I implore you to mend your +ways." + +"My dear sister," I replied. "How can I reform when I am convinced that +I am acting according to my conscience? Do try to understand me!" + +"I know you are obeying your conscience, but it ought to be possible to +do so without hurting anybody." + +"Oh, saints above!" the old woman would sigh behind the door. "You are +lost. There will be a misfortune, my dear. It is bound to come." + + +VI + +On Sunday, Doctor Blagovo came to see me unexpectedly. He was wearing a +white summer uniform over a silk shirt, and high glace boots. + +"I came to see you!" he began, gripping my hand in his hearty, +undergraduate fashion. "I hear of you every day and I have long intended +to go and see you to have a heart-to-heart, as they say. Things are +awfully boring in the town; there is not a living soul worth talking to. +How hot it is, by Jove!" he went on, taking off his tunic and standing +in his silk shirt. "My dear fellow, let us have a talk." + +I was feeling bored and longing for other society than that of the +decorators. I was really glad to see him. + +"To begin with," he said, sitting on my bed, "I sympathise with you +heartily, and I have a profound respect for your present way of living. +In the town you are misunderstood and there is nobody to understand you, +because, as you know, it is full of Gogolian pig-faces. But I guessed +what you were at the picnic. You are a noble soul, an honest, +high-minded man! I respect you and think it an honour to shake hands +with you. To change your life so abruptly and suddenly as you did, you +must have passed through a most trying spiritual process, and to go on +with it now, to live scrupulously by your convictions, you must have to +toil incessantly both in mind and in heart. Now, please tell me, don't +you think that if you spent all this force of will, intensity, and power +on something else, like trying to be a great scholar or an artist, that +your life would be both wider and deeper, and altogether more +productive?" + +We talked and when we came to speak of physical labour, I expressed this +idea: that it was necessary that the strong should not enslave the weak, +and that the minority should not be a parasite on the majority, always +sucking up the finest sap, _i. e._, it was necessary that all without +exception--the strong and the weak, the rich and the poor--should share +equally in the struggle for existence, every man for himself, and in +that respect there was no better means of levelling than physical labour +and compulsory service for all. + +"You think, then," said the doctor, "that all, without, exception, +should be employed in physical labour?" + +"Yes." + +"But don't you think that if everybody, including the best people, +thinkers and men of science, were to take part in the struggle for +existence, each man for himself, and took to breaking stones and +painting roofs, it would be a serious menace to progress?" + +"Where is the danger?" I asked. "Progress consists in deeds of love, in +the fulfilment of the moral law. If you enslave no one, and are a burden +upon no one, what further progress do you want?" + +"But look here!" said Blagovo, suddenly losing his temper and getting +up. "I say! If a snail in its shell is engaged in self-perfection in +obedience to the moral law--would you call that progress?" + +"But why?" I was nettled. "If you make your neighbours feed you, clothe +you, carry you, defend you from your enemies, their life is built up on +slavery, and that is not progress. My view is that that is the most real +and, perhaps, the only possible, the only progress necessary." + +"The limits of universal progress, which is common to all men, are in +infinity, and it seems to me strange to talk of a 'possible' progress +limited by our needs and temporal conceptions." + +"If the limits of peoples are in infinity, as you say, then it means +that its goal is indefinite," I said. "Think of living without knowing +definitely what for!" + +"Why not? Your 'not knowing' is not so boring as your 'knowing.' I am +walking up a ladder which is called progress, civilisation, culture. I +go on and on, not knowing definitely where I am going to, but surely it +is worth while living for the sake of the wonderful ladder alone. And +you know exactly what you are living for--that some should not enslave +others, that the artist and the man who mixes his colours for him should +dine together. But that is the bourgeois, kitchen side of life, and +isn't it disgusting only to live for that? If some insects devour +others, devil take them, let them! We need not think of them, they will +perish and rot, however you save them from slavery--we must think of +that great Cross which awaits all mankind in the distant future." + +Blagovo argued hotly with me, but it was noticeable that he was +disturbed by some outside thought. + +"Your sister is not coming," he said, consulting his watch. "Yesterday +she was at our house and said she was going to see you. You go on +talking about slavery, slavery," he went on, "but it is a special +question, and all these questions are solved by mankind gradually." + +We began to talk of evolution. I said that every man decides the +question of good and evil for himself, and does not wait for mankind to +solve the question by virtue of gradual development. Besides, evolution +is a stick with two ends. Side by side with the gradual development of +humanitarian ideas, there is the gradual growth of ideas of a different +kind. Serfdom is past, and capitalism is growing. And with ideas of +liberation at their height the majority, just as in the days of Baty, +feeds, clothes, and defends the minority; and is left hungry, naked, and +defenceless. The state of things harmonises beautifully with all your +tendencies and movements, because the art of enslaving is also being +gradually developed. We no longer flog our servants in the stables, but +we give slavery more refined forms; at any rate, we are able to justify +it in each separate case. Ideas remain ideas with us, but if we could, +now, at the end of the nineteenth century, throw upon the working +classes all our most unpleasant physiological functions, we should do +so, and, of course, we should justify ourselves by saying that if the +best people, thinkers and great scholars, had to waste their time on +such functions, progress would be in serious jeopardy. + +Just then my sister entered. When she saw the doctor, she was flurried +and excited, and at once began to say that it was time for her to go +home to her father. + +"Cleopatra Alexeyevna," said Blagovo earnestly, laying his hands on his +heart, "what will happen to your father if you spend half an hour with +your brother and me?" + +He was a simple kind of man and could communicate his cheerfulness to +others. My sister thought for a minute and began to laugh, and suddenly +got very happy, suddenly, unexpectedly, just as she did at the picnic. +We went out into the fields and lay on the grass, and went on with our +conversation and looked at the town, where all the windows facing the +west looked golden in the setting sun. + +After that Blagovo appeared every time my sister came to see me, and +they always greeted each other as though their meeting was unexpected. +My sister used to listen while the doctor and I argued, and her face was +always joyful and rapturous, admiring and curious, and it seemed to me +that a new world was slowly being discovered before her eyes, a world +which she had not seen before even in her dreams, which now she was +trying to divine; when the doctor was not there she was quiet and sad, +and if, as she sat on my bed, she sometimes wept, it was for reasons of +which she did not speak. + +In August Radish gave us orders to go to the railway. A couple of days +before we were "driven" out of town, my father came to see me. He sat +down and, without looking at me, slowly wiped his red face, then took +out of his pocket our local paper and read out with deliberate emphasis +on each word that a schoolfellow of my own age, the son of the director +of the State Bank, had been appointed chief clerk of the Court of the +Exchequer. + +"And now, look at yourself," he said, folding up the newspaper. "You are +a beggar, a vagabond, a scoundrel! Even the bourgeoisie and other +peasants get education to make themselves decent people, while you, a +Pologniev, with famous, noble ancestors, go wallowing in the mire! But I +did not come here to talk to you. I have given you up already." He went +on in a choking voice, as he stood up: "I came here to find out where +your sister is, you scoundrel! She left me after dinner. It is now past +seven o'clock and she is not in. She has been going out lately without +telling me, and she has been disrespectful--and I see your filthy, +abominable influence at work. Where is she?" + +He had in his hands the familiar umbrella, and I was already taken +aback, and I stood stiff and erect, like a schoolboy, waiting for my +father to thrash me, but he saw the glance I cast at the umbrella and +this probably checked him. + +"Live as you like!" he said. "My blessing is gone from you." + +"Good God!" muttered my old nurse behind the door. "You are lost. Oh! my +heart feels some misfortune coming. I can feel it." + +I went to work on the railway. During the whole of August there was wind +and rain. It was damp and cold; the corn had now been gathered in the +fields, and on the big farms where the reaping was done with machines, +the wheat lay not in stacks, but in heaps; and I remember how those +melancholy heaps grew darker and darker every day, and the grain +sprouted. It was hard work; the pouring rain spoiled everything that we +succeeded in finishing. We were not allowed either to live or to sleep +in the station buildings and had to take shelter in dirty, damp, mud +huts where the "railies" had lived during the summer, and at night I +could not sleep from the cold and the bugs crawling over my face and +hands. And when we were working near the bridges, then the "railies" +used to come out in a crowd to fight the painters--which they regarded +as sport. They used to thrash us, steal our trousers, and to infuriate +us and provoke us to a fight; they used to spoil our work, as when they +smeared the signal-boxes with green paint. To add to all our miseries +Radish began to pay us very irregularly. All the painting on the line +was given to one contractor, who subcontracted with another, and he +again with Radish, stipulating for twenty per cent commission. The job +itself was unprofitable; then came the rains; time was wasted; we did no +work and Radish had to pay his men every day. The starving painters +nearly came to blows with him, called him a swindler, a bloodsucker, a +Judas, and he, poor man, sighed and in despair raised his hands to the +heavens and was continually going to Mrs. Cheprakov to borrow money. + + +VII + +Came the rainy, muddy, dark autumn, bringing a slack time, and I used to +sit at home three days in the week without work, or did various jobs +outside painting; such as digging earth for ballast for twenty copecks +a day. Doctor Blagovo had gone to Petersburg. My sister did not come to +see me. Radish lay at home ill, expecting to die every day. + +And my mood was also autumnal; perhaps because when I became a working +man I saw only the seamy side of the life of our town, and every day +made fresh discoveries which brought me to despair. My fellow townsmen, +both those of whom I had had a low opinion before, and those whom I had +thought fairly decent, now seemed to me base, cruel, and up to any dirty +trick. We poor people were tricked and cheated in the accounts, kept +waiting for hours in cold passages or in the kitchen, and we were +insulted and uncivilly treated. In the autumn I had to paper the library +and two rooms at the club. I was paid seven copecks a piece, but was +told to give a receipt for twelve copecks, and when I refused to do it, +a respectable gentleman in gold spectacles, one of the stewards of the +club, said to me: + +"If you say another word, you scoundrel, I'll knock you down." + +And when a servant whispered to him that I was the son of Pologniev, the +architect, then I got flustered and blushed, but he recovered himself at +once and said: + +"Damn him." + +In the shops we working men were sold bad meat, musty flour, and coarse +tea. In church we were jostled by the police, and in the hospitals we +were mulcted by the assistants and nurses, and if we could not give them +bribes through poverty, we were given food in dirty dishes. In the +post-office the lowest official considered it his duty to treat us as +animals and to shout rudely and insolently: "Wait! Don't you come +pushing your way in here!" Even the dogs, even they were hostile to us +and hurled themselves at us with a peculiar malignancy. But what struck +me most of all in my new position was the entire lack of justice, what +the people call "forgetting God." Rarely a day went by without some +swindle. The shopkeeper, who sold us oil, the contractor, the workmen, +the customers themselves, all cheated. It was an understood thing that +our rights were never considered, and we always had to pay for the money +we had earned, going with our hats off to the back door. + +I was paper-hanging in one of the club-rooms, next the library, when, +one evening as I was on the point of leaving, Dolyhikov's daughter came +into the room carrying a bundle of books. + +I bowed to her. + +"Ah! How are you?" she said, recognising me at once and holding out her +hand. "I am very glad to see you." + +She smiled and looked with a curious puzzled expression at my blouse and +the pail of paste and the papers lying on the floor; I was embarrassed +and she also felt awkward. + +"Excuse my staring at you," she said. "I have heard so much about you. +Especially from Doctor Blagovo. He is enthusiastic about you. I have met +your sister; she is a dear, sympathetic girl, but I could not make her +see that there is nothing awful in your simple life. On the contrary, +you are the most interesting man in the town." + +Once more she glanced at the pail of paste and the paper and said: + +"I asked Doctor Blagovo to bring us together, but he either forgot or +had no time. However, we have met now. I should be very pleased if you +would call on me. I do so want to have a talk. I am a simple person," +she said, holding out her hand, "and I hope you will come and see me +without ceremony. My father is away, in Petersburg." + +She went into the reading-room, with her dress rustling, and for a long +time after I got home I could not sleep. + +During that autumn some kind soul, wishing to relieve my existence, sent +me from time to time presents of tea and lemons, or biscuits, or roast +pigeons. Karpovna said the presents were brought by a soldier, though +from whom she did not know; and the soldier used to ask if I was well, +if I had dinner every day, and if I had warm clothes. When the frost +began the soldier came while I was out and brought a soft knitted scarf, +which gave out a soft, hardly perceptible scent, and I guessed who my +good fairy had been. For the scarf smelled of lily-of-the-valley, Aniuta +Blagovo's favourite scent. + +Toward winter there was more work and things became more cheerful. +Radish came to life again and we worked together in the cemetery church, +where we scraped the holy shrine for gilding. It was a clean, quiet, +and, as our mates said, a specially good job. We could do a great deal +in one day, and so time passed quickly, imperceptibly. There was no +swearing, nor laughing, nor loud altercations. The place compelled quiet +and decency, and disposed one for tranquil, serious thoughts. Absorbed +in our work, we stood or sat immovably, like statues; there was a dead +silence, very proper to a cemetery, so that if a tool fell down, or the +oil in the lamp spluttered, the sound would be loud and startling, and +we would turn to see what it was. After a long silence one could hear a +humming like that of a swarm of bees; in the porch, in an undertone, the +funeral service was being read over a dead baby; or a painter painting a +moon surrounded with stars on the cupola would begin to whistle quietly, +and remembering suddenly that he was in a church, would stop; or Radish +would sigh at his own thoughts: "Anything may happen! Anything may +happen!" or above our heads there would be the slow, mournful tolling of +a bell, and the painters would say it must be a rich man being brought +to the church.... + +The days I spent in the peace of the little church, and during the +evenings I played billiards, or went to the gallery of the theatre in +the new serge suit I had bought with my own hard-earned money. They were +already beginning plays and concerts at the Azhoguins', and Radish did +the scenery by himself. He told me about the plays and tableaux vivants +at the Azhoguins', and I listened to him enviously. I had a great +longing to take part in the rehearsals, but I dared not go to the +Azhoguins'. + +A week before Christmas Doctor Blagovo arrived, and we resumed our +arguments and played billiards in the evenings. When he played billiards +he used to take off his coat, and unfasten his shirt at the neck, and +generally try to look like a debauchee. He drank a little, but rowdily, +and managed to spend in a cheap tavern like the Volga as much as twenty +roubles in an evening. + +Once more my sister came to see me, and when they met they expressed +surprise, but I could see by her happy, guilty face that these meetings +were not accidental. One evening when we were playing billiards the +doctor said to me: + +"I say, why don't you call on Miss Dolyhikov? You don't know Maria +Victorovna. She is a clever, charming, simple creature." + +I told him how the engineer had received me in the spring. + +"Nonsense!" laughed the doctor. "The engineer is one thing and she is +another. Really, my good fellow, you mustn't offend her. Go and see her +some time. Let us go to-morrow evening. Will you?" + +He persuaded me. Next evening I donned my serge suit and with some +perturbation set out to call on Miss Dolyhikov. The footman did not seem +to me so haughty and formidable, or the furniture so oppressive, as on +the morning when I had come to ask for work. Maria Victorovna was +expecting me and greeted me as an old friend and gave my hand a warm, +friendly grip. She was wearing a grey dress with wide sleeves, and had +her hair done in the style which when it became the fashion a year later +in our town, was called "dog's ears." The hair was combed back over the +ears, and it made Maria Victorovna's face look broader, and she looked +very like her father, whose face was broad and red and rather like a +coachman's. She was handsome and elegant, but not young; about thirty to +judge by her appearance, though she was not more than twenty-five. + +"Dear doctor!" she said, making me sit down. "How grateful I am to him. +But for him, you would not have come. I am bored to death! My father has +gone and left me alone, and I do not know what to do with myself." + +Then she began to ask where I was working, how much I got, and where I +lived. + +"Do you only spend what you earn on yourself?" she asked. + +"Yes." + +"You are a happy man," she replied. "All the evil in life, it seems to +me, comes from boredom and idleness, and spiritual emptiness, which are +inevitable when one lives at other people's expense. Don't think I'm +showing off. I mean it sincerely. It is dull and unpleasant to be rich. +Win friends by just riches, they say, because as a rule there is and can +be no such thing as just riches." + +She looked at the furniture with a serious, cold expression, as though +she was making an inventory of it, and went on: + +"Ease and comfort possess a magic power. Little by little they seduce +even strong-willed people. Father and I used to live poorly and simply, +and now you see how we live. Isn't it strange?" she said with a shrug. +"We spend twenty thousand roubles a year! In the provinces!" + +"Ease and comfort must not be regarded as the inevitable privilege of +capital and education," I said. "It seems to me possible to unite the +comforts of life with work, however hard and dirty it may be. Your +father is rich, but, as he says, he used to be a mechanic, and just a +lubricator." + +She smiled and shook her head thoughtfully. + +"Papa sometimes eats _tiurya_," she said, "but only out of caprice." + +A bell rang and she got up. + +"The rich and the educated ought to work like the rest," she went on, +"and if there is to be any comfort, it should be accessible to all. +There should be no privileges. However, that's enough philosophy. Tell +me something cheerful. Tell me about the painters. What are they like? +Funny?" + +The doctor came. I began to talk about the painters, but, being unused +to it, I felt awkward and talked solemnly and ponderously like an +ethnographist. The doctor also told a few stories about working people. +He rocked to and fro and cried, and fell on his knees, and when he was +depicting a drunkard, lay flat on the floor. It was as good as a play, +and Maria Victorovna laughed until she cried. Then he played the piano +and sang in his high-pitched tenor, and Maria Victorovna stood by him +and told him what to sing and corrected him when he made a mistake. + +"I hear you sing, too," said I. + +"Too?" cried the doctor. "She is a wonderful singer, an artist, and you +say--too! Careful, careful!" + +"I used to study seriously," she replied, "but I have given it up now." + +She sat on a low stool and told us about her life in Petersburg, and +imitated famous singers, mimicking their voices and mannerisms; then she +sketched the doctor and myself in her album, not very well, but both +were good likenesses. She laughed and made jokes and funny faces, and +this suited her better than talking about unjust riches, and it seemed +to me that what she had said about "riches and comfort" came not from +herself, but was just mimicry. She was an admirable comedian. I compared +her mentally with the girls of our town, and not even the beautiful, +serious Aniuta Blagovo could stand up against her; the difference was as +vast as that between a wild and a garden rose. + +We stayed to supper. The doctor and Maria Victorovna drank red wine, +champagne, and coffee with cognac; they touched glasses and drank to +friendship, to wit, to progress, to freedom, and never got drunk, but +went rather red and laughed for no reason until they cried. To avoid +being out of it I, too, drank red wine. + +"People with talent and with gifted natures," said Miss Dolyhikov, "know +how to live and go their own way; but ordinary people like myself know +nothing and can do nothing by themselves; there is nothing for them but +to find some deep social current and let themselves be borne along by +it." + +"Is it possible to find that which does not exist?" asked the doctor. + +"It doesn't exist because we don't see it." + +"Is that so? Social currents are the invention of modern literature. +They don't exist here." + +A discussion began. + +"We have no profound social movements; nor have we had them," said the +doctor. "Modern literature has invented a lot of things, and modern +literature invented intellectual working men in village life, but go +through all our villages and you will only find Mr. Cheeky Snout in a +jacket or black frock coat, who will make four mistakes in the word +'one.' Civilised life has not begun with us yet. We have the same +savagery, the same slavery, the same nullity as we had five hundred +years ago. Movements, currents--all that is so wretched and puerile +mixed up with such vulgar, catch-penny interests--and one cannot take it +seriously. You may think you have discovered a large social movement, +and you may follow it and devote your life in the modern fashion to such +problems as the liberation of vermin from slavery, or the abolition of +meat cutlets--and I congratulate you, madam. But we have to learn, +learn, learn, and there will be plenty of time for social movements; we +are not up to them yet, and upon my soul, we don't understand anything +at all about them." + +"You don't understand, but I do," said Maria Victorovna. "Good Heavens! +What a bore you are to-night." + +"It is our business to learn and learn, to try and accumulate as much +knowledge as possible, because serious social movements come where there +is knowledge, and the future happiness of mankind lies in science. +Here's to science!" + +"One thing is certain. Life must somehow be arranged differently," said +Maria Victorovna, after some silence and deep thought, "and life as it +has been up to now is worthless. Don't let us talk about it." + +When we left her the Cathedral clock struck two. + +"Did you like her?" asked the doctor. "Isn't she a dear girl?" + +We had dinner at Maria Victorovna's on Christmas Day, and then we went +to see her every day during the holidays. There was nobody besides +ourselves, and she was right when she said she had no friends in the +town but the doctor and me. We spent most of the time talking, and +sometimes the doctor would bring a book or a magazine and read aloud. +After all, he was the first cultivated man I had met. I could not tell +if he knew much, but he was always generous with his knowledge because +he wished others to know too. When he talked about medicine, he was not +like any of our local doctors, but he made a new and singular +impression, and it seemed to me that if he had wished he could have +become a genuine scientist. And perhaps he was the only person at that +time who had any real influence over me. Meeting him and reading the +books he gave me, I began gradually to feel a need for knowledge to +inspire the tedium of my work. It seemed strange to me that I had not +known before such things as that the whole world consisted of sixty +elements. I did not know what oil or paint was, and I could do without +knowing. My acquaintance with the doctor raised me morally too. I used +to argue with him, and though I usually stuck to my opinion, yet, +through him, I came gradually to perceive that everything was not clear +to me, and I tried to cultivate convictions as definite as possible so +that the promptings of my conscience should be precise and have nothing +vague about them. Nevertheless, educated and fine as he was, far and +away the best man in the town, he was by no means perfect. There was +something rather rude and priggish in his ways and in his trick of +dragging talk down to discussion, and when he took off his coat and sat +in his shirt and gave the footman a tip, it always seemed to me that +culture was just a part of him, with the rest untamed Tartar. + +After the holidays he left once more for Petersburg. He went in the +morning and after dinner my sister came to see me. Without taking off +her furs, she sat silent, very pale, staring in front of her. She began +to shiver and seemed to be fighting against some illness. + +"You must have caught a cold," I said. + +Her eyes filled with tears. She rose and went to Karpovna without a +word to me, as though I had offended her. And a little later I heard her +speaking in a tone of bitter reproach. + +"Nurse, what have I been living for, up to now? What for? Tell me; +haven't I wasted my youth? During the last years I have had nothing but +making up accounts, pouring out tea, counting the copecks, entertaining +guests, without a thought that there was anything better in the world! +Nurse, try to understand me, I too have human desires and I want to live +and they have made a housekeeper of me. It is awful, awful!" + +She flung her keys against the door and they fell with a clatter in my +room. They were the keys of the side-board, the larder, the cellar, and +the tea-chest--the keys my mother used to carry. + +"Oh! Oh! Saints above!" cried my old nurse in terror. "The blessed +saints!" + +When she left, my sister came into my room for her keys and said: + +"Forgive me. Something strange has been going on in me lately." + + +VIII + +One evening when I came home late from Maria Victorovna's I found a +young policeman in a new uniform in my room; he was sitting by the table +reading. + +"At last!" he said getting up and stretching himself. "This is the third +time I have been to see you. The governor has ordered you to go and see +him to-morrow at nine o'clock sharp. Don't be late." + +He made me give him a written promise to comply with his Excellency's +orders and went away. This policeman's visit and the unexpected +invitation to see the governor had a most depressing effect on me. From +my early childhood I have had a dread of gendarmes, police, legal +officials, and I was tormented with anxiety as though I had really +committed a crime and I could not sleep. Nurse and Prokofyi were also +upset and could not sleep. And, to make things worse, nurse had an +earache, and moaned and more than once screamed out. Hearing that I +could not sleep Prokofyi came quietly into my room with a little lamp +and sat by the table. + +"You should have a drop of pepper-brandy...." he said after some +thought. "In this vale of tears things go on all right when you take a +drop. And if mother had some pepper-brandy poured into her ear she +would be much better." + +About three he got ready to go to the slaughter-house to fetch some +meat. I knew I should not sleep until morning, and to use up the time +until nine, I went with him. We walked with a lantern, and his boy, +Nicolka, who was about thirteen, and had blue spots on his face and an +expression like a murderer's, drove behind us in a sledge, urging the +horse on with hoarse cries. + +"You will probably be punished at the governor's," said Prokofyi as we +walked. "There is a governor's rank, and an archimandrite's rank, and an +officer's rank, and a doctor's rank, and every profession has its own +rank. You don't keep to yours and they won't allow it." + +The slaughter-house stood behind the cemetery, and till then I had only +seen it at a distance. It consisted of three dark sheds surrounded by a +grey fence, from which, when the wind was in that direction in summer, +there came an overpowering stench. Now, as I entered the yard, I could +not see the sheds in the darkness; I groped through horses and sledges, +both empty and laden with meat; and there were men walking about with +lanterns and swearing disgustingly. Prokofyi and Nicolka swore as +filthily and there was a continuous hum from the swearing and coughing +and the neighing of the horses. + +The place smelled of corpses and offal, the snow was thawing and already +mixed with mud, and in the darkness it seemed to me that I was walking +through a pool of blood. + +When we had filled the sledge with meat, we went to the butcher's shop +in the market-place. Day was beginning to dawn. One after another the +cooks came with baskets and old women in mantles. With an axe in his +hand, wearing a white, blood-stained apron, Prokofyi swore terrifically +and crossed himself, turning toward the church, and shouted so loud that +he could be heard all over the market, avowing that he sold his meat at +cost price and even at a loss. He cheated in weighing and reckoning, the +cooks saw it, but, dazed by his shouting, they did not protest, but only +called him a gallows-bird. + +Raising and dropping his formidable axe, he assumed picturesque +attitudes and constantly uttered the sound "Hak!" with a furious +expression, and I was really afraid of his cutting off some one's head +or hand. + +I stayed in the butcher's shop the whole morning, and when at last I +went to the governor's my fur coat smelled of meat and blood. My state +of mind would have been appropriate for an encounter with a bear armed +with no more than a staff. I remember a long staircase with a striped +carpet, and a young official in a frock coat with shining buttons, who +silently indicated the door with both hands and went in to announce me. +I entered the hall, where the furniture was most luxurious, but cold and +tasteless, forming a most unpleasant impression--the tall, narrow +pier-glasses, and the bright, yellow hangings over the windows; one +could see that, though governors changed, the furniture remained the +same. The young official again pointed with both hands to the door and +went toward a large, green table, by which stood a general with the +Order of Vladimir at his neck. + +"Mr. Pologniev," he began, holding a letter in his hand and opening his +mouth wide so that it made a round O. "I asked you to come to say this +to you: 'Your esteemed father has applied verbally and in writing to the +provincial marshal of nobility, to have you summoned and made to see the +incongruity of your conduct with the title of nobleman which you have +the honour to bear. His Excellency Alexander Pavlovich, justly thinking +that your conduct may be subversive, and finding that persuasion may not +be sufficient, without serious intervention on the part of the +authorities, has given me his decision as to your case, and I agree with +him.'" + +He said this quietly, respectfully, standing erect as if I was his +superior, and his expression was not at all severe. He had a flabby, +tired face, covered with wrinkles, with pouches under his eyes; his hair +was dyed, and it was hard to guess his age from his appearance--fifty or +sixty. + +"I hope," he went on, "that you will appreciate Alexander Pavlovich's +delicacy in applying to me, not officially, but privately. I have +invited you unofficially not as a governor, but as a sincere admirer of +your father's. And I ask you to change your conduct and to return to the +duties proper to your rank, or, to avoid the evil effects of your +example, to go to some other place where you are not known and where you +may do what you like. Otherwise I shall have to resort to extreme +measures." + +For half a minute he stood in silence staring at me open-mouthed. + +"Are you a vegetarian?" he asked. + +"No, your Excellency, I eat meat." + +He sat down and took up a document, and I bowed and left. + +It was not worth while going to work before dinner. I went home and +tried to sleep, but could not because of the unpleasant, sickly feeling +from the slaughter-house and my conversation with the governor. And so I +dragged through till the evening and then, feeling gloomy and out of +sorts, I went to see Maria Victorovna. I told her about my visit to the +governor and she looked at me in bewilderment, as if she did not believe +me, and suddenly she began to laugh merrily, heartily, stridently, as +only good-natured, light-hearted people can. + +"If I were to tell this in Petersburg!" she cried, nearly dropping with +laughter, bending over the table. "If I could tell them in Petersburg!" + + +IX + +Now we saw each other often, sometimes twice a day. Almost every day, +after dinner, she drove up to the cemetery and, as she waited for me, +read the inscriptions on the crosses and monuments. Sometimes she came +into the church and stood by my side and watched me working. The +silence, the simple industry of the painters and gilders, Radish's good +sense, and the fact that outwardly I was no different from the other +artisans and worked as they did, in a waistcoat and old shoes, and that +they addressed me familiarly--were new to her, and she was moved by it +all. Once in her presence a painter who was working, at a door on the +roof, called down to me: + +"Misail, fetch me the white lead." + +I fetched him the white lead and as I came down the scaffolding she was +moved to tears and looked at me and smiled: + +"What a dear you are!" she said. + +I have always remembered how when I was a child a green parrot got out +of its cage in one of the rich people's houses and wandered about the +town for a whole month, flying from one garden to another, homeless and +lonely. And Maria Victorovna reminded me of the bird. + +"Except to the cemetery," she said with a laugh, "I have absolutely +nowhere to go. The town bores me to tears. People read, sing, and +twitter at the Azhoguins', but I cannot bear them lately. Your sister is +shy, Miss Blagovo for some reason hates me. I don't like the theatre. +What can I do with myself?" + +When I was at her house I smelled of paint and turpentine, and my hands +were stained. She liked that. She wanted me to come to her in my +ordinary working-clothes; but I felt awkward in them in her +drawing-room, and as if I were in uniform, and so I always wore my new +serge suit. She did not like that. + +"You must confess," she said once, "that you have not got used to your +new role. A working-man's suit makes you feel awkward and embarrassed. +Tell me, isn't it because you are not sure of yourself and are +unsatisfied? Does this work you have chosen, this painting of yours, +really satisfy you?" she asked merrily. "I know paint makes things look +nicer and wear better, but the things themselves belong to the rich and +after all they are a luxury. Besides you have said more than once that +everybody should earn his living with his own hands and you earn money, +not bread. Why don't you keep to the exact meaning of what you say? You +must earn bread, real bread, you must plough, sow, reap, thrash, or do +something which has to do directly with agriculture, such as keeping +cows, digging, or building houses...." + +She opened a handsome bookcase which stood by the writing-table and +said: + +"I'm telling you all this because I'm going to let you into my secret. +Voila. This is my agricultural library. Here are books on arable land, +vegetable-gardens, orchard-keeping, cattle-keeping, bee-keeping: I read +them eagerly and have studied the theory of everything thoroughly. It is +my dream to go to Dubechnia as soon as March begins. It is wonderful +there, amazing; isn't it? The first year I shall only be learning the +work and getting used to it, and in the second year I shall begin to +work thoroughly, without sparing myself. My father promised to give me +Dubechnia as a present, and I am to do anything I like with it." + +She blushed and with mingled laughter and tears she dreamed aloud of her +life at Dubechnia and how absorbing it would be. And I envied her. March +would soon be here. The days were drawing out, and in the bright sunny +afternoons the snow dripped from the roofs, and the smell of spring was +in the air. I too longed for the country. + +And when she said she was going to live at Dubechnia, I saw at once that +I should be left alone in the town, and I felt jealous of the bookcase +with her books about farming. I knew and cared nothing about farming and +I was on the point of telling her that agriculture was work for slaves, +but I recollected that my father had once said something of the sort +and I held my peace. + +Lent began. The engineer, Victor Ivanich, came home from Petersburg. I +had begun to forget his existence. He came unexpectedly, not even +sending a telegram. When I went there as usual in the evening, he was +walking up and down the drawing-room, after a bath, with his hair cut, +looking ten years younger, and talking. His daughter was kneeling by his +trunks and taking out boxes, bottles, books, and handing them to Pavel +the footman. When I saw the engineer, I involuntarily stepped back and +he held out both his hands and smiled and showed his strong, white, +cab-driver's teeth. + +"Here he is! Here he is! I'm very pleased to see you, Mr. House-painter! +Maria told me all about you and sang your praises. I quite understand +you and heartily approve." He took me by the arm and went on: "It is +much cleverer and more honest to be a decent workman than to spoil State +paper and to wear a cockade. I myself worked with my hands in Belgium. I +was an engine-driver for five years...." + +He was wearing a short jacket and comfortable slippers, and he shuffled +along like a gouty man waving and rubbing his hands; humming and buzzing +and shrugging with pleasure at being at home again with his favourite +shower-bath. + +"There's no denying," he said at supper, "there's no denying that you +are kind, sympathetic people, but somehow as soon as you gentlefolk take +on manual labour or try to spare the peasants, you reduce it all to +sectarianism. You are a sectarian. You don't drink vodka. What is that +but sectarianism?" + +To please him I drank vodka. I drank wine, too. We ate cheese, sausages, +pastries, pickles, and all kinds of dainties that the engineer had +brought with him, and we sampled wines sent from abroad during his +absence. They were excellent. For some reason the engineer had wines and +cigars sent from abroad--duty free; somebody sent him caviare and +_baliki_ gratis; he did not pay rent for his house because his landlord +supplied the railway with kerosene, and generally he and his daughter +gave me the impression of having all the best things in the world at +their service free of charge. + +I went on visiting them, but with less pleasure than before. The +engineer oppressed me and I felt cramped in his presence. I could not +endure his clear, innocent eyes; his opinions bored me and were +offensive to me, and I was distressed by the recollection that I had so +recently been subordinate to this ruddy, well-fed man, and that he had +been mercilessly rude to me. True he would put his arm round my waist +and clap me kindly on the shoulder and approve of my way of living, but +I felt that he despised my nullity just as much as before and only +suffered me to please his daughter, but I could no longer laugh and talk +easily, and I thought myself ill-mannered, and all the time was +expecting him to call me Panteley as he did his footman Pavel. How my +provincial, bourgeois pride rode up against him! I, a working man, a +painter, going every day to the house of rich strangers, whom the whole +town regarded as foreigners, and drinking their expensive wines and +outlandish dishes! I could not reconcile this with my conscience. When I +went to see them I sternly avoided those whom I met on the way, and +looked askance at them like a real sectarian, and when I left the +engineer's house I was ashamed of feeling so well-fed. + +But chiefly I was afraid of falling in love. Whether walking in the +street, or working, or talking to my mates, I thought all the time of +going to Maria Victorovna's in the evening, and always had her voice, +her laughter, her movements with me. And always as I got ready to go to +her, I would stand for a long time in front of the cracked mirror tying +my necktie; my serge suit seemed horrible to me, and I suffered, but at +the same time, despised myself for feeling so small. When she called to +me from another room to say that she was not dressed yet and to ask me +to wait a bit, and I could hear her dressing, I was agitated and felt as +though the floor was sinking under me. And when I saw a woman in the +street, even at a distance, I fell to comparing her figure with hers, +and it seemed to me that all our women and girls were vulgar, absurdly +dressed, and without manners; and such comparisons roused in me a +feeling of pride; Maria Victorovna was better than all of them. And at +night I dreamed of her and myself. + +Once at supper the engineer and I ate a whole lobster. When I reached +home I remember that the engineer had twice called me "my dear fellow," +and I thought that they treated me as they might have done a big, +unhappy dog, separated from his master, and that they were amusing +themselves with me, and that they would order me away like a dog when +they were bored with me. I began to feel ashamed and hurt; went to the +point of tears, as though I had been insulted, and, raising my eyes to +the heavens, I vowed to put an end to it all. + +Next day I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. Late at night, when it was +quite dark and pouring with rain, I walked up and down Great Gentry +Street, looking at the windows. At the Azhoguins' everybody was asleep +and the only light was in one of the top windows; old Mrs. Azhoguin was +sitting in her room embroidering by candle-light and imagining herself +to be fighting against prejudice. It was dark in our house and opposite, +at the Dolyhikovs' the windows were lit up, but it was impossible to see +anything through the flowers and curtains. I kept on walking up and down +the street; I was soaked through with the cold March rain. I heard my +father come home from the club; he knocked at the door; in a minute a +light appeared at a window and I saw my sister walking quickly with her +lamp and hurriedly arranging her thick hair. Then my father paced up and +down the drawing-room, talking and rubbing his hands, and my sister sat +still in a corner, lost in thought, not listening to him.... + +But soon they left the room and the light was put out.... I looked at +the engineer's house and that too was now dark. In the darkness and the +rain I felt desperately lonely. Cast out at the mercy of Fate, and I +felt how, compared with my loneliness, and my suffering, actual and to +come, all my work and all my desires and all that I had hitherto thought +and read, were vain and futile. Alas! The activities and thoughts of +human beings are not nearly so important as their sorrows! And not +knowing exactly what I was doing I pulled with all my might at the bell +at the Dolyhikovs' gate, broke it, and ran away down the street like a +little boy, full of fear, thinking they would rush out at once and +recognise me. When I stopped to take breath at the end of the street, I +could hear nothing but the falling rain and far away a night-watchman +knocking on a sheet of iron. + +For a whole week I did not go to the Dolyhikovs'. I sold my serge suit. +I had no work and I was once more half-starved, earning ten or twenty +copecks a day, when possible, by disagreeable work. Floundering +knee-deep in the mire, putting out all my strength, I tried to drown my +memories and to punish myself for all the cheeses and pickles to which I +had been treated at the engineer's. Still, no sooner did I go to bed, +wet and hungry, than my untamed imagination set to work to evolve +wonderful, alluring pictures, and to my amazement I confessed that I was +in love, passionately in love, and I fell sound asleep feeling that the +hard life had only made my body stronger and younger. + +One evening it began, most unseasonably, to snow, and the wind blew from +the north, exactly as if winter had begun again. When I got home from +work I found Maria Victorovna in my room. She was in her furs with her +hands in her muff. + +"Why don't you come to see me?" she asked, looking at me with her bright +sagacious eyes, and I was overcome with joy and stood stiffly in front +of her, just as I had done with my father when he was going to thrash +me; she looked straight into my face and I could see by her eyes that +she understood why I was overcome. + +"Why don't you come to see me?" she repeated. "You don't want to come? I +had to come to you." + +She got up and came close to me. + +"Don't leave me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "I am +lonely, utterly lonely." + +She began to cry and said, covering her face with her muff: + +"Alone! Life is hard, very hard, and in the whole world I have no one +but you. Don't leave me!" + +Looking for her handkerchief to dry her tears, she gave a smile; we were +silent for some time, then I embraced and kissed her, and the pin in her +hat scratched my face and drew blood. + +And we began to talk as though we had been dear to each other for a +long, long time. + + +X + +In a couple of days she sent me to Dubechnia and I was beyond words +delighted with it. As I walked to the station, and as I sat in the +train, I laughed for no reason and people thought me drunk. There were +snow and frost in the mornings still, but the roads were getting dark, +and there were rooks cawing above them. + +At first I thought of arranging the side wing opposite Mrs. Cheprakov's +for myself and Masha, but it appeared that doves and pigeons had taken +up their abode there and it would be impossible to cleanse it without +destroying a great number of nests. We would have to live willy-nilly in +the uncomfortable rooms with Venetian blinds in the big house. The +peasants called it a palace; there were more than twenty rooms in it, +and the only furniture was a piano and a child's chair, lying in the +attic, and even if Masha brought all her furniture from town we should +not succeed in removing the impression of frigid emptiness and coldness. +I chose three small rooms with windows looking on to the garden, and +from early morning till late at night I was at work in them, glazing the +windows, hanging paper, blocking up the chinks and holes in the floor. +It was an easy, pleasant job. Every now and then I would run to the +river to see if the ice was breaking and all the while I dreamed of the +starlings returning. And at night when I thought of Masha I would be +filled with an inexpressibly sweet feeling of an all-embracing joy to +listen to the rats and the wind rattling and knocking above the ceiling; +it was like an old hobgoblin coughing in the attic. + +The snow was deep; there was a heavy fall at the end of March, but it +thawed rapidly, as if by magic, and the spring floods rushed down so +that by the beginning of April the starlings were already chattering and +yellow butterflies fluttered in the garden. The weather was wonderful. +Every day toward evening I walked toward the town to meet Masha, and how +delightful it was to walk along the soft, drying road with bare feet! +Half-way I would sit down and look at the town, not daring to go nearer. +The sight of it upset me, I was always wondering how my acquaintances +would behave toward me when they heard of my love. What would my father +say? I was particularly worried by the idea that my life was becoming +more complicated, and that I had entirely lost control of it, and that +she was carrying me off like a balloon, God knows whither. I had already +given up thinking how to make a living, and I thought--indeed, I cannot +remember what I thought. + +Masha used to come in a carriage. I would take a seat beside her and +together, happy and free, we used to drive to Dubechnia. Or, having +waited till sunset, I would return home, weary and disconsolate, +wondering why Masha had not come, and then by the gate or in the garden +I would find my darling. She would come by the railway and walk over +from the station. What a triumph she had then! In her plain, woollen +dress, with a simple umbrella, but keeping a trim, fashionable figure +and expensive, Parisian boots--she was a gifted actress playing the +country girl. We used to go over the house, and plan out the rooms, and +the paths, and the vegetable-garden, and the beehives. We already had +chickens and ducks and geese which we loved because they were ours. We +had oats, clover, buckwheat, and vegetable seeds all ready for sowing, +and we used to examine them all and wonder what the crops would be like, +and everything Masha said to me seemed extraordinarily clever and fine. +This was the happiest time of my life. + +Soon after Easter we were married in the parish church in the village of +Kurilovka three miles from Dubechnia. Masha wanted everything to be +simple; by her wish our bridesmen were peasant boys, only one deacon +sang, and we returned from the church in a little, shaky cart which she +drove herself. My sister was the only guest from the town. Masha had +sent her a note a couple of days before the wedding. My sister wore a +white dress and white gloves.... During the ceremony she cried softly +for joy and emotion, and her face had a maternal expression of infinite +goodness. She was intoxicated with our happiness and smiled as though +she were breathing a sweet perfume, and when I looked at her I +understood that there was nothing in the world higher in her eyes than +love, earthly love, and that she was always dreaming of love, secretly, +timidly, yet passionately. She embraced Masha and kissed her, and, not +knowing how to express her ecstasy, she said to her of me: + +"He is a good man! A very good man." + +Before she left us, she put on her ordinary clothes, and took me into +the garden to have a quiet talk. + +"Father is very hurt that you have not written to him," she said. "You +should have asked for his blessing. But, at heart, he is very pleased. +He says that this marriage will raise you in the eyes of society, and +that under Maria Victorovna's influence you will begin to adopt a more +serious attitude toward life. In the evening now we talk about nothing +but you; and yesterday he even said, 'our Misail.' I was delighted. He +has evidently thought of a plan and I believe he wants to set you an +example of magnanimity, and that he will be the first to talk of +reconciliation. It is quite possible that one of these days he will come +and see you here." + +She made the sign of the cross over me and said: + +"Well, God bless you. Be happy. Aniuta Blagovo is a very clever girl. +She says of your marriage that God has sent you a new ordeal. Well? +Married life is not made up only of joy but of suffering as well. It is +impossible to avoid it." + +Masha and I walked about three miles with her, and then walked home +quietly and silently, as though it were a rest for both of us. Masha had +her hand on my arm. We were at peace and there was no need to talk of +love; after the wedding we grew closer to each other and dearer, and it +seemed as though nothing could part us. + +"Your sister is a dear, lovable creature," said Masha, "but looks as +though she had lived in torture. Your father must be a terrible man." + +I began to tell her how my sister and I had been brought up and how +absurd and full of torture our childhood had been. When she heard that +my father had thrashed me quite recently she shuddered and clung to me: + + +"Don't tell me any more," she said. "It is too horrible." + +And now she did not leave me. We lived in the big house, in three rooms, +and in the evenings we bolted the door that led to the empty part of the +house, as though some one lived there whom we did not know and feared. I +used to get up early, at dawn, and begin working. I repaired the carts; +made paths in the garden, dug the beds, painted the roofs. When the time +came to sow oats, I tried to plough and harrow, and sow and did it all +conscientiously, and did not leave it all to the labourer. I used to get +tired, and my face and feet used to burn with the rain and the sharp +cold wind. But work in the fields did not attract me. I knew nothing +about agriculture and did not like it; perhaps because my ancestors were +not tillers of the soil and pure town blood ran in my veins. I loved +nature dearly; I loved the fields and the meadows and the garden, but +the peasant who turns the earth with his plough, shouting at his +miserable horse, ragged and wet, with bowed shoulders, was to me an +expression of wild, rude, ugly force, and as I watched his clumsy +movements I could not help thinking of the long-passed legendary life, +when men did not yet know the use of fire. The fierce bull which led the +herd, and the horses that stampeded through the village, filled me with +terror, and all the large creatures, strong and hostile, a ram with +horns, a gander, or a watch-dog seemed to me to be symbolical of some +rough, wild force. These prejudices used to be particularly strong in me +in bad weather, when heavy clouds hung over the black plough-lands. But +worst of all was that when I was ploughing or sowing, and a few peasants +stood and watched how I did it, I no longer felt the inevitability and +necessity of the work and it seemed to me that I was trifling my time +away. + +I used to go through the gardens and the meadow to the mill. It was +leased by Stiepan, a Kurilovka peasant; handsome, swarthy, with a black +beard--an athletic appearance. He did not care for mill work and thought +it tiresome and unprofitable, and he only lived at the mill to escape +from home. He was a saddler and always smelled of tan and leather. He +did not like talking, was slow and immovable, and used to hum +"U-lu-lu-lu," sitting on the bank or in the doorway of the mill. +Sometimes his wife and mother-in-law used to come from Kurilovka to see +him; they were both fair, languid, soft, and they used to bow to him +humbly and call him Stiepan Petrovich. And he would not answer their +greeting with a word or a sign, but would turn where he sat on the bank +and hum quietly: "U-lu-lu-lu." There would be a silence for an hour or +two. His mother-in-law and his wife would whisper to each other, get up +and look expectantly at him for some time, waiting for him to look at +them, and then they would bow humbly and say in sweet, soft voices: + +"Good-bye, Stiepan Petrovich." + +And they would go away. After that, Stiepan would put away the bundle of +cracknels or the shirt they had left for him and sigh and give a wink in +their direction and say: + +"The female sex!" + +The mill was worked with both wheels day and night. I used to help +Stiepan, I liked it, and when he went away I was glad to take his place. + + +XI + +After a spell of warm bright weather we had a season of bad roads. It +rained and was cold all through May. The grinding of the millstones and +the drip of the rain induced idleness and sleep. The floor shook, the +whole place smelled of flour, and this too made one drowsy. My wife in a +short fur coat and high rubber boots used to appear twice a day and she +always said the same thing: + +"Call this summer! It is worse than October!" + +We used to have tea together and cook porridge, or sit together for +hours in silence thinking the rain would never stop. Once when Stiepan +went away to a fair, Masha stayed the night in the mill. When we got up +we could not tell what time it was for the sky was overcast; the sleepy +cocks at Dubechnia were crowing, and the corncrakes were trilling in the +meadow; it was very, very early.... My wife and I walked down to the +pool and drew up the bow-net that Stiepan had put out in our presence +the day before. There was one large perch in it and a crayfish angrily +stretched out his claws. + +"Let them go," said Masha. "Let them be happy too." + +Because we got up very early and had nothing to do, the day seemed very +long, the longest in my life. Stiepan returned before dusk and I went +back to the farmhouse. + +"Your father came here to-day," said Masha. + +"Where is he?" + +"He has gone. I did not receive him." + +Seeing my silence and feeling that I was sorry for my father, she said: + +"We must be logical. I did not receive him and sent a message to ask him +not to trouble us again and not to come and see us." + +In a moment I was outside the gates, striding toward the town to make it +up with my father. It was muddy, slippery, cold. For the first time +since our marriage I suddenly felt sad, and through my brain, tired with +the long day, there flashed the thought that perhaps I was not living as +I ought; I got more and more tired and was gradually overcome with +weakness, inertia; I had no desire to move or to think, and after +walking for some time, I waved my hand and went home. + +In the middle of the yard stood the engineer in a leather coat with a +hood. He was shouting: + +"Where's the furniture? There was some good Empire furniture, pictures, +vases. There's nothing left! Damn it, I bought the place with the +furniture!" + +Near him stood Moissey, Mrs. Cheprakov's bailiff, fumbling with his cap; +a lank fellow of about twenty-five, with a spotty face and little, +impudent eyes; one side of his face was larger than the other as though +he had been lain on. + +"Yes, Right Honourable Sir, you bought it without the furniture," he +said sheepishly. "I remember that clearly." + +"Silence!" shouted the engineer, going red in the face, and beginning to +shake, and his shout echoed through the garden. + + +XII + +When I was busy in the garden or the yard, Moissey would stand with his +hands behind his back and stare at me impertinently with his little +eyes. And this used to irritate me to such an extent that I would put +aside my work and go away. + +We learned from Stiepan that Moissey had been Mrs. Cheprakov's lover. I +noticed that when people went to her for money they used to apply to +Moissey first, and once I saw a peasant, a charcoal-burner, black all +over, grovel at his feet. Sometimes after a whispered conversation +Moissey would hand over the money himself without saying anything to his +mistress, from which I concluded that the transaction was settled on his +own account. + +He used to shoot in our garden, under our very windows, steal food from +our larder, borrow our horses without leave, and we were furious, +feeling that Dubechnia was no longer ours, and Masha used to go pale and +say: + +"Have we to live another year and a half with these creatures?" + +Ivan Cheprakov, the son, was a guard on the railway. During the winter +he got very thin and weak, so that he got drunk on one glass of vodka, +and felt cold out of the sun. He hated wearing his guard's uniform and +was ashamed of it, but found his job profitable because he could steal +candles and sell them. My new position gave him a mixed feeling of +astonishment, envy, and vague hope that something of the sort might +happen to him. He used to follow Masha with admiring eyes, and to ask me +what I had for dinner nowadays, and his ugly, emaciated face used to +wear a sweet, sad expression, and he used to twitch his fingers as +though he could feel my happiness with them. + +"I say, Little Profit," he would say excitedly, lighting and relighting +his cigarette; he always made a mess wherever he stood because he used +to waste a whole box of matches on one cigarette. "I say, my life is +about as beastly as it could be. Every little squirt of a soldier can +shout: 'Here guard! Here!' I have such a lot in the trains and you know, +mine's a rotten life! My mother has ruined me! I heard a doctor say in +the train, if the parents are loose, their children become drunkards or +criminals. That's it." + +Once he came staggering into the yard. His eyes wandered aimlessly and +he breathed heavily; he laughed and cried, and said something in a kind +of frenzy, and through his thickly uttered words I could only hear: "My +mother? Where is my mother?" and he wailed like a child crying, because +it has lost its mother in a crowd. I led him away into the garden and +laid him down under a tree, and all that day and through the night Masha +and I took it in turns to stay with him. He was sick and Masha looked +with disgust at his pale, wet face and said: + +"Are we to have these creatures on the place for another year and a +half? It is awful! Awful!" + +And what a lot of trouble the peasants gave us! How many disappointments +we had at the outset, in the spring, when we so longed to be happy! My +wife built a school. I designed the school for sixty boys, and the +Zemstvo Council approved the design, but recommended our building the +school at Kurilovka, the big village, only three miles away; besides the +Kurilovka school, where the children of four villages, including that of +Dubechnia, were taught, was old and inadequate and the floor was so +rotten that the children were afraid to walk on it. At the end of March +Masha, by her own desire, was appointed trustee of the Kurilovka school, +and at the beginning of April we called three parish meetings and +persuaded the peasants that the school was old and inadequate, and that +it was necessary to build a new one. A member of the Zemstvo Council and +the elementary school inspector came down too and addressed them. After +each meeting we were mobbed and asked for a pail of vodka; we felt +stifled in the crowd and soon got tired and returned home dissatisfied +and rather abashed. At last the peasants allotted a site for the school +and undertook to cart the materials from the town. And as soon as the +spring corn was sown, on the very first Sunday, carts set out from +Kurilovka and Dubechnia to fetch the bricks for the foundations. They +went at dawn and returned late in the evening. The peasants were drunk +and said they were tired out. + +The rain and the cold continued, as though deliberately, all through +May. The roads were spoiled and deep in mud. When the carts came from +town they usually drove to our horror, into our yard! A horse would +appear in the gate, straddling its fore legs, with its big belly +heaving; before it came into the yard it would strain and heave and +after it would come a ten-yard beam in a four-wheeled wagon, wet and +slimy; alongside it, wrapped up to keep the rain out, never looking +where he was going and splashing through the puddles, a peasant would +walk with the skirt of his coat tucked up in his belt. Another cart +would appear with planks; then a third with a beam; then a fourth ... +and the yard in front of the house would gradually be blocked up with +horses, beams, planks. Peasants, men and women with their heads wrapped +up and their skirts tucked up, would stare morosely at our windows, kick +up a row and insist on the lady of the house coming out to them; and +they would curse and swear. And in a corner Moissey would stand, and it +seemed to us that he delighted in our discomfiture. + +"We won't cart any more!" the peasants shouted. "We are tired to death! +Let her go and cart it herself!" + +Pale and scared, thinking they would any minute break into the house, +Masha would send them money for a pail of vodka; after which the noise +would die down and the long beams would go jolting out of the yard. + +When I went to look at the building my wife would get agitated and say: + +"The peasants are furious. They might do something to you. No. Wait. +I'll go with you." + +We used to drive over to Kurilovka together and then the carpenters +would ask for tips. The framework was ready for the foundations to be +laid, but the masons never came and when at last the masons did come it +was apparent that there was no sand; somehow it had been forgotten that +sand was wanted. Taking advantage of our helplessness, the peasants +asked thirty copecks a load, although it was less than a quarter of a +mile from the building to the river where the sand was to be fetched, +and more than five hundred loads were needed. There were endless +misunderstandings, wrangles, and continual begging. My wife was +indignant and the building contractor, Petrov, an old man of seventy, +took her by the hand and said: + +"You look here! Look here! Just get me sand and I'll find ten men and +have the work done in two days. Look here!" + +Sand was brought, but two, four days, a week passed and still there +yawned a ditch where the foundations were to be. + +"I shall go mad," cried my wife furiously. "What wretches they are! What +wretches!" + +During these disturbances Victor Ivanich used to come and see us. He +used to bring hampers of wine and dainties, and eat for a long time, and +then go to sleep on the terrace and snore so that the labourers shook +their heads and said: + +"He's all right!" + +Masha took no pleasure in his visits. She did not believe in him, and +yet she used to ask his advice; when, after a sound sleep after dinner, +he got up out of humour, and spoke disparagingly of our domestic +arrangements, and said he was sorry he had ever bought Dubechnia which +had cost him so much, and poor Masha looked miserably anxious and +complained to him, he would yawn and say the peasants ought to be +flogged. + +He called our marriage and the life we were living a comedy, and used to +say it was a caprice, a whimsy. + +"She did the same sort of thing once before," he told me. "She fancied +herself as an opera singer, and ran away from me. It took me two months +to find her, and my dear fellow, I wasted a thousand roubles on +telegrams alone." + +He had dropped calling me a sectarian or the House-painter; and no +longer approved of my life as a working man, but he used to say: + +"You are a queer fish! An abnormality. I don't venture to prophesy, but +you will end badly!" + +Masha slept poorly at nights and would sit by the window of our bedroom +thinking. She no longer laughed and made faces at supper. I suffered, +and when it rained, every drop cut into my heart like a bullet, and I +could have gone on my knees to Masha and apologised for the weather. +When the peasants made a row in the yard, I felt that it was my fault. I +would sit for hours in one place, thinking only how splendid and how +wonderful Masha was. I loved her passionately, and I was enraptured by +everything she did and said. Her taste was for quiet indoor occupation; +she loved to read for hours and to study; she who knew about farm-work +only from books, surprised us all by her knowledge and the advice she +gave was always useful, and when applied was never in vain. And in +addition she had the fineness, the taste, and the good sense, the very +sound sense which only very well-bred people possess! + +To such a woman, with her healthy, orderly mind, the chaotic environment +with its petty cares and dirty tittle-tattle, in which we lived, was +very painful. I could see that, and I, too, could not sleep at night. My +brain whirled and I could hardly choke back my tears. I tossed about, +not knowing what to do. + +I used to rush to town and bring Masha books, newspapers, sweets, +flowers, and I used to go fishing with Stiepan, dragging for hours, +neck-deep in cold water, in the rain, to catch an eel by way of varying +our fare. I used humbly to ask the peasants not to shout, and I gave +them vodka, bribed them, promised them anything they asked. And what a +lot of other foolish things I did! + +* * * + +At last the rain stopped. The earth dried up. I used to get up in the +morning and go into the garden--dew shining on the flowers, birds and +insects shrilling, not a cloud in the sky, and the garden, the meadow, +the river were so beautiful, perfect but for the memory of the peasants +and the carts and the engineer. Masha and I used to drive out in a car +to see how the oats were coming on. She drove and I sat behind; her +shoulders were always a little hunched, and the wind would play with her +hair. + +"Keep to the right!" she shouted to the passers-by. + +"You are like a coachman!" I once said to her. + +"Perhaps. My grandfather, my father's father, was a coachman. Didn't you +know?" she asked, turning round, and immediately she began to mimic the +way the coachmen shout and sing. + +"Thank God!" I thought, as I listened to her. "Thank God!" + +And again I remember the peasants, the carts, the engineer.... + + +XIII + +Doctor Blagovo came over on a bicycle. My sister began to come often. +Once more we talked of manual labour and progress, and the mysterious +Cross awaiting humanity in the remote future. The doctor did not like +our life, because it interfered with our discussions and he said it was +unworthy of a free man to plough, and reap, and breed cattle, and that +in time all such elementary forms of the struggle for existence would be +left to animals and machines, while men would devote themselves +exclusively to scientific investigation. And my sister always asked me +to let her go home earlier, and if she stayed late, or for the night, +she was greatly distressed. + +"Good gracious, what a baby you are," Masha used to say reproachfully. +"It is quite ridiculous." + +"Yes, it is absurd," my sister would agree. "I admit it is absurd, but +what can I do if I have not the power to control myself. It always seems +to me that I am doing wrong." + +During the haymaking my body, not being used to it, ached all over; +sitting on the terrace in the evening, I would suddenly fall asleep and +they would all laugh at me. They would wake me up and make me sit down +to supper. I would be overcome with drowsiness and in a stupor saw +lights, faces, plates, and heard voices without understanding what they +were saying. And I used to get up early in the morning and take my +scythe, or go to the school and work there all day. + +When I was at home on holidays I noticed that my wife and sister were +hiding something from me and even seemed to be avoiding me. My wife was +tender with me as always, but she had some new thought of her own which +she did not communicate to me. Certainly her exasperation with the +peasants had increased and life was growing harder and harder for her, +but she no longer complained to me. She talked more readily to the +doctor than to me, and I could not understand why. + +It was the custom in our province for the labourers to come to the farm +in the evenings to be treated to vodka, even the girls having a glass. +We did not keep the custom; the haymakers and the women used to come +into the yard and stay until late in the evening, waiting for vodka, and +then they went away cursing. And then Masha used to frown and relapse +into silence or whisper irritably to the doctor: + +"Savages! Barbarians!" + +Newcomers to the villages were received ungraciously, almost with +hostility; like new arrivals at a school. At first we were looked upon +as foolish, soft-headed people who had bought the estate because we did +not know what to do with our money. We were laughed at. The peasants +grazed their cattle in our pasture and even in our garden, drove our +cows and horses into the village and then came and asked for +compensation. The whole village used to come into our yard and declare +loudly that in mowing we had cut the border of common land which did not +belong to us; and as we did not know our boundaries exactly we used to +take their word for it and pay a fine. But afterward it appeared that we +had been in the right. They used to bark the young lime-trees in our +woods. A Dubechnia peasant, a money-lender, who sold vodka without a +licence, bribed our labourers to help him cheat us in the most +treacherous way; he substituted old wheels for the new on our wagons, +stole our ploughing yokes and sold them back to us, and so on. But worst +of all was the building at Kurilovka. There the women at night stole +planks, bricks, tiles, iron; the bailiff and his assistants made a +search; the women were each fined two roubles by the village council, +and then the whole lot of them got drunk on the money. + +When Masha found out, she would say to the doctor and my sister: + +"What beasts! It is horrible! Horrible!" + +And more than once I heard her say she was sorry she had decided to +build the school. + +"You must understand," the doctor tried to point out, "that if you build +a school or undertake any good work, it is not for the peasants, but for +the sake of culture and the future. The worse the peasants are the more +reason there is for building a school. Do understand!" + +There was a loss of confidence in his voice, and it seemed to me that he +hated the peasants as much as Masha. + +Masha used often to go to the mill with my sister and they would say +jokingly that they were going to have a look at Stiepan because he was +so handsome. Stiepan it appeared was reserved and silent only with men, +and in the company of women was free and talkative. Once when I went +down to the river to bathe I involuntarily overheard a conversation. +Masha and Cleopatra, both in white, were sitting on the bank under the +broad shade of a willow and Stiepan was standing near with his hands +behind his back, saying: + +"But are peasants human beings? Not they; they are, excuse me, brutes, +beasts, and thieves. What does a peasant's life consist of? Eating and +drinking, crying for cheaper food, bawling in taverns, without decent +conversation, or behaviour or manners. Just an ignorant beast! He lives +in filth, his wife and children live in filth; he sleeps in his clothes; +takes the potatoes out of the soup with his fingers, drinks down a black +beetle with his _kvass_--because he won't trouble to fish it out!" + +"It is because of their poverty!" protested my sister. + +"What poverty? Of course there is want, but there are different kinds of +necessity. If a man is in prison, or is blind, say, or has lost his +legs, then he is in a bad way and God help him; but if he is at liberty +and in command of his senses, if he has eyes and hands and strength, +then, good God, what more does he want? It is lamentable, my lady, +ignorance, but not poverty. If you kind people, with your education, out +of charity try to help him, then he will spend your money in drink, like +the swine he is, or worse still, he will open a tavern and begin to rob +the people on the strength of your money. You say--poverty. But does a +rich peasant live any better? He lives like a pig, too, excuse me, a +clodhopper, a blusterer, a big-bellied blockhead, with a swollen red +mug--makes me want to hit him in the eye, the blackguard. Look at Larion +of Dubechnia--he is rich, but all the same he barks the trees in your +woods just like the poor; and he is a foul-mouthed brute, and his +children are foul-mouthed, and when he is drunk he falls flat in the mud +and goes to sleep. They are all worthless, my lady. It is just hell to +live with them in the village. The village sticks in my gizzard, and I +thank God, the King of heaven, that I am well fed and clothed, and that +I am a free man; I can live where I like, I don't want to live in the +village and nobody can force me to do it. They say: 'You have a wife.' +They say: 'You are obliged to live at home with your wife.' Why? I have +not sold myself to her." + +"Tell me, Stiepan. Did you marry for love?" asked Masha. + +"What love is there in a village?" Stiepan answered with a smile. "If +you want to know, my lady, it is my second marriage. I do not come from +Kurilovka, but from Zalegosch, and I went to Kurilovka when I married. +My father did not want to divide the land up between us--there are five +of us. So I bowed to it and cut adrift and went to another village to my +wife's family. My first wife died when she was young." + +"What did she die of?" + +"Foolishness. She used to sit and cry. She was always crying for no +reason at all and so she wasted away. She used to drink herbs to make +herself prettier and it must have ruined her inside. And my second wife +at Kurilovka--what about her? A village woman, a peasant; that's all. +When the match was being made I was nicely had; I thought she was young, +nice to look at and clean. Her mother was clean enough, drank coffee +and, chiefly because they were a clean lot, I got married. Next day we +sat down to dinner and I told my mother-in-law to fetch me a spoon. She +brought me a spoon and I saw her wipe it with her finger. So that, +thought I, is their cleanliness! I lived with them for a year and went +away. Perhaps I ought to have married a town girl"--he went on after a +silence. "They say a wife is a helpmate to her husband. What do I want +with a helpmate? I can look after myself. But you talk to me sensibly +and soberly, without giggling all the while. He--he--he! What is life +without a good talk?" + +Stiepan suddenly stopped and relapsed into his dreary, monotonous +"U-lu-lu-lu." That meant that he had noticed me. + +Masha used often to visit the mill, she evidently took pleasure in her +talks with Stiepan; he abused the peasants so sincerely and +convincingly--and this attracted her to him. When she returned from the +mill the idiot who looked after the garden used to shout after her: + +"Paloshka! Hullo, Paloshka!" And he would bark at her like a dog: "Bow, +wow!" + +And she would stop and stare at him as if she found in the idiot's +barking an answer to her thought, and perhaps he attracted her as much +as Stiepan's abuse. And at home she would find some unpleasant news +awaiting her, as that the village geese had ruined the cabbages in the +kitchen-garden, or that Larion had stolen the reins, and she would shrug +her shoulders with a smile and say: + +"What can you expect of such people?" + +She was exasperated and a fury was gathering in her soul, and I, on the +other hand, was getting used to the peasants and more and more attracted +to them. For the most part, they were nervous, irritable, absurd people; +they were people with suppressed imaginations, ignorant, with a bare, +dull outlook, always dazed by the same thought of the grey earth, grey +days, black bread; they were people driven to cunning, but, like birds, +they only hid their heads behind the trees--they could not reason. They +did not come to us for the twenty roubles earned by haymaking, but for +the half-pail of vodka, though they could buy four pails of vodka for +the twenty roubles. Indeed they were dirty, drunken, and dishonest, but +for all that one felt that the peasant life as a whole was sound at the +core. However clumsy and brutal the peasant might look as he followed +his antiquated plough, and however he might fuddle himself with vodka, +still, looking at him more closely, one felt that there was something +vital and important in him, something that was lacking in Masha and the +doctor, for instance, namely, that he believes that the chief thing on +earth is truth, that his and everybody's salvation lies in truth, and +therefore above all else on earth he loves justice. I used to say to my +wife that she was seeing the stain on the window, but not the glass +itself; and she would be silent or, like Stiepan, she would hum, +"U-lu-lu-lu...." When she, good, clever actress that she was, went pale +with fury and then harangued the doctor in a trembling voice about +drunkenness and dishonesty; her blindness confounded and appalled me. +How could she forget that her father, the engineer, drank, drank +heavily, and that the money with which he bought Dubechnia was acquired +by means of a whole series of impudent, dishonest swindles? How could +she forget? + + +XIV + +And my sister, too, was living with her own private thoughts which she +hid from me. She used often to sit whispering with Masha. When I went up +to her, she would shrink away, and her eyes would look guilty and full +of entreaty. Evidently there was something going on in her soul of which +she was afraid or ashamed. To avoid meeting me in the garden or being +left alone with me she clung to Masha and I hardly ever had a chance to +talk to her except at dinner. + +One evening, on my way home from the school, I came quietly through the +garden. It had already begun to grow dark. Without noticing me or +hearing footsteps, my sister walked round an old wide-spreading +apple-tree, perfectly noiselessly like a ghost. She was in black, and +walked very quickly, up and down, up and down, with her eyes on the +ground. An apple fell from the tree, she started at the noise, stopped +and pressed her hands to her temples. At that moment I went up to her. + +In an impulse of tenderness, which suddenly came rushing to my heart, +with tears in my eyes, somehow remembering our mother and our childhood, +I took hold of her shoulders and kissed her. + +"What is the matter?" I asked. "You are suffering. I have seen it for a +long time now. Tell me, what is the matter?" + +"I am afraid...." she murmured, with a shiver. + +"What's the matter with you?" I inquired. "For God's sake, be frank!" + +"I will, I will be frank. I will tell you the whole truth. It is so +hard, so painful to conceal anything from you!... Misail, I am in love." +She went on in a whisper. "Love, love.... I am happy, but I am afraid." + +I heard footsteps and Doctor Blagovo appeared among the trees. He was +wearing a silk shirt and high boots. Clearly they had arranged a +rendezvous by the apple-tree. When she saw him she flung herself +impulsively into his arms with a cry of anguish, as though he was being +taken away from her: + +"Vladimir! Vladimir!" + +She clung to him, and gazed eagerly at him and only then I noticed how +thin and pale she had become. It was especially noticeable through her +lace collar, which I had known for years, for it now hung loosely about +her slim neck. The doctor was taken aback, but controlled himself at +once, and said, as he stroked her hair: + +"That's enough. Enough!... Why are you so nervous? You see, I have +come." + +We were silent for a time, bashfully glancing at each other. Then we all +moved away and I heard the doctor saying to me: + +"Civilised life has not yet begun with us. The old console themselves +with saying that, if there is nothing now, there was something in the +forties and the sixties; that is all right for the old ones, but we are +young and our brains are not yet touched with senile decay. We cannot +console ourselves with such illusions. The beginning of Russia was in +862, and civilised Russia, as I understand it, has not yet begun." + +But I could not bother about what he was saying. It was very strange, +but I could not believe that my sister was in love, that she had just +been walking with her hand on the arm of a stranger and gazing at him +tenderly. My sister, poor, frightened, timid, downtrodden creature as +she was, loved a man who was already married and had children! I was +full of pity without knowing why; the doctor's presence was distasteful +to me and I could not make out what was to come of such a love. + + +XV + +Masha and I drove over to Kurilovka for the opening of the school. + +"Autumn, autumn, autumn...." said Masha, looking about her. Summer had +passed. There were no birds and only the willows were green. + +Yes. Summer had passed. The days were bright and warm, but it was fresh +in the mornings; the shepherds went out in their sheepskins, and the dew +never dried all day on the asters in the garden. There were continual +mournful sounds and it was impossible to tell whether it was a shutter +creaking on its rusty hinges or the cranes flying--and one felt so well +and so full of the desire for life! + +"Summer has passed...." said Masha. "Now we can both make up our +accounts. We have worked hard and thought a great deal and we are the +better for it--all honour and praise to us; we have improved ourselves; +but have our successes had any perceptible influence on the life around +us, have they been of any use to a single person? No! Ignorance, dirt, +drunkenness, a terribly high rate of infant mortality--everything is +just as it was, and no one is any the better for your having ploughed +and sown and my having spent money and read books. Evidently we have +only worked and broadened our minds for ourselves." + +I was abashed by such arguments and did not know what to think. + +"From beginning to end we have been sincere," I said, "and if a man is +sincere, he is right." + +"Who denies that? We have been right but we have been wrong in our way +of setting about it. First of all, are not our very ways of living +wrong? You want to be useful to people, but by the mere fact of buying +an estate you make it impossible to be so. Further, if you work, dress, +and eat like a peasant you lend your authority and approval to the +clumsy clothes, and their dreadful houses and their dirty beards.... On +the other hand, suppose you work for a long, long time, all you life, +and in the end obtain some practical results--what will your results +amount to, what can they do against such elemental forces as wholesale +ignorance, hunger, cold, and degeneracy? A drop in the ocean! Other +methods of fighting are necessary, strong, bold, quick! If you want to +be useful then you must leave the narrow circle of common activity and +try to act directly on the masses! First of all, you need vigorous, +noisy, propaganda. Why are art and music, for instance, so much alive +and so popular and so powerful? Because the musician or the singer +influences thousands directly. Art, wonderful art!" She looked wistfully +at the sky and went on: "Art gives wings and carries you far, far away. +If you are bored with dirt and pettifogging interests, if you are +exasperated and outraged and indignant, rest and satisfaction are only +to be found in beauty." + +As we approached Kurilovka the weather was fine, clear, and joyous. In +the yards the peasants were thrashing and there was a smell of corn and +straw. Behind the wattled hedges the fruit-trees were reddening and all +around the trees were red or golden. In the church-tower the bells were +ringing, the children were carrying ikons to the school and singing the +Litany of the Virgin. And how clear the air was, and how high the doves +soared! + +The Te Deum was sung in the schoolroom. Then the Kurilovka peasants +presented Masha with an ikon, and the Dubechnia peasants gave her a +large cracknel and a gilt salt-cellar. And Masha began to weep. + +"And if we have said anything out of the way or have been discontented, +please forgive us," said an old peasant, bowing to us both. + +As we drove home Masha looked back at the school. The green roof which I +had painted glistened in the sun, and we could see it for a long time. +And I felt that Masha's glances were glances of farewell. + + +XVI + +In the evening she got ready to go to town. + +She had often been to town lately to stay the night. In her absence I +could not work, and felt listless and disheartened; our big yard seemed +dreary, disgusting, and deserted; there were ominous noises in the +garden, and without her the house, the trees, the horses were no longer +"ours." + +I never went out but sat all the time at her writing-table among her +books on farming and agriculture, those deposed favourites, wanted no +more, which looked out at me so shamefacedly from the bookcase. For +hours together, while it struck seven, eight, nine, and the autumn night +crept up as black as soot to the windows, I sat brooding over an old +glove of hers, or the pen she always used, and her little scissors. I +did nothing and saw clearly that everything I had done before, +ploughing, sowing, and felling trees, had only been because she wanted +it. And if she told me to clean out a well, when I had to stand +waist-deep in water, I would go and do it, without trying to find out +whether the well wanted cleaning or not. And now, when she was away, +Dubechnia with its squalor, its litter, its slamming shutters, with +thieves prowling about it day and night, seemed to me like a chaos in +which work was entirely useless. And why should I work, then? Why +trouble and worry about the future, when I felt that the ground was +slipping away from under me, that my position at Dubechnia was hollow, +that, in a word, the same fate awaited me as had befallen the books on +agriculture? Oh! what anguish it was at night, in the lonely hours, when +I lay listening uneasily, as though I expected some one any minute to +call out that it was time for me to go away. I was not sorry to leave +Dubechnia, my sorrow was for my love, for which it seemed that autumn +had already begun. What a tremendous happiness it is to love and to be +loved, and what a horror it is to feel that you are beginning to topple +down from that lofty tower! + +Masha returned from town toward evening on the following day. She was +dissatisfied with something, but concealed it and said only: "Why have +the winter windows been put in? It will be stifling." I opened two of +the windows. We did not feel like eating, but we sat down and had +supper. + +"Go and wash your hands," she said. "You smell of putty." + +She had brought some new illustrated magazines from town and we both +read them after supper. They had supplements with fashion-plates and +patterns. Masha just glanced at them and put them aside to look at them +carefully later on; but one dress, with a wide, bell-shaped skirt and +big sleeves interested her, and for a moment she looked at it seriously +and attentively. + +"That's not bad," she said. + +"Yes, it would suit you very well," said I. "Very well." + +And I admired the dress, only because she liked it, and went on +tenderly: + +"A wonderful, lovely dress! Lovely, wonderful, Masha. My dear Masha!" + +And tears began to drop on the fashion-plate. + +"Wonderful Masha...." I murmured. "Dear, darling Masha...." + +She went and lay down and I sat still for an hour and looked at the +illustrations. + +"You should not have opened the windows," she called from the bedroom. +"I'm afraid it will be cold. Look how the wind is blowing in!" + +I read the miscellany, about the preparation of cheap fish, and the size +of the largest diamond in the world. Then I chanced on the picture of +the dress she had liked and I imagined her at a ball, with a fan, and +bare shoulders, a brilliant, dazzling figure, well up in music and +painting and literature, and how insignificant and brief my share in her +life seemed to be! + +Our coming together, our marriage, was only an episode, one of many in +the life of this lively, highly gifted creature. All the best things in +the world, as I have said, were at her service, and she had them for +nothing; even ideas and fashionable intellectual movements served her +pleasure, a diversion in her existence, and I was only the coachman who +drove her from one infatuation to another. Now I was no longer necessary +to her; she would fly away and I should be left alone. + +As if in answer to my thoughts a desperate scream suddenly came from the +yard: + +"Mur-der!" + +It was a shrill female voice, and exactly as though it were trying to +imitate it, the wind also howled dismally in the chimney. Half a minute +passed and again it came through the sound of the wind, but as though +from the other end of the yard: + +"Mur-der!" + +"Misail, did you hear that?" said my wife in a hushed voice. "Did you +hear?" + +She came out of the bedroom in her nightgown, with her hair down, and +stood listening and staring out of the dark window. + +"Somebody is being murdered!" she muttered. "It only wanted that!" + +I took my gun and went out; it was very dark outside; a violent wind was +blowing so that it was hard to stand up. I walked to the gate and +listened; the trees were moaning; the wind went whistling through them, +and in the garden the idiot's dog was howling. Beyond the gate it was +pitch dark; there was not a light on the railway. And just by the wing, +where the offices used to be, I suddenly heard a choking cry: + +"Mur-der!" + +"Who is there?" I called. + +Two men were locked in a struggle. One had nearly thrown the other, who +was resisting with all his might. And both were breathing heavily. + +"Let go!" said one of them and I recognised Ivan Cheprakov. It was he +who had cried out in a thin, falsetto voice. "Let go, damn you, or I'll +bite your hands!" + +The other man I recognised as Moissey. I parted them and could not +resist hitting Moissey in the face twice. He fell down, then got up, and +I struck him again. + +"He tried to kill me," he muttered. "I caught him creeping to his +mother's drawer.... I tried to shut him up in the wing for safety." + +Cheprakov was drunk and did not recognise me. He stood gasping for +breath as though trying to get enough wind to shriek again. + +I left them and went back to the house. My wife was lying on the bed, +fully dressed. I told her what had happened in the yard and did not keep +back the fact that I had struck Moissey. + +"Living in the country is horrible," she said. "And what a long night it +is!" + +"Mur-der!" we heard again, a little later. + +"I'll go and part them," I said. + +"No. Let them kill each other," she said with an expression of disgust. + +She lay staring at the ceiling, listening, and I sat near her, not +daring to speak and feeling that it was my fault that screams of +"murder" came from the yard and the night was so long. + +We were silent and I waited impatiently for the light to peep in at the +window. And Masha looked as though she had wakened from a long sleep and +was astonished to find herself, so clever, so educated, so refined, cast +away in this miserable provincial hole, among a lot of petty, shallow +people, and to think that she could have so far forgotten herself as to +have been carried away by one of them and to have been his wife for more +than half a year. It seemed to me that we were all the same to +her--myself, Moissey, Cheprakov; all swept together into the drunken, +wild scream of "murder"--myself, our marriage, our work, and the muddy +roads of autumn; and when she breathed or stirred to make herself more +comfortable I could read in her eyes: "Oh, if the morning would come +quicker!" + +In the morning she went away. + +I stayed at Dubechnia for another three days, waiting for her; then I +moved all our things into one room, locked it, and went to town. When I +rang the bell at the engineer's, it was evening, and the lamps were +alight in Great Gentry Street. Pavel told me that nobody was at home; +Victor Ivanich had gone to Petersburg and Maria Victorovna must be at a +rehearsal at the Azhoguins'. I remember the excitement with which I went +to the Azhoguins', and how my heart thumped and sank within me, as I +went up-stairs and stood for a long while on the landing, not daring to +enter that temple of the Muses! In the hall, on the table, on the piano, +on the stage, there were candles burning; all in threes, for the first +performance was fixed for the thirteenth, and the dress rehearsal was on +Monday--the unlucky day. A fight against prejudice! All the lovers of +dramatic art were assembled; the eldest, the middle, and the youngest +Miss Azhoguin were walking about the stage, reading their parts. Radish +was standing still in a corner all by himself, with his head against the +wall, looking at the stage with adoring eyes, waiting for the beginning +of the rehearsal. Everything was just the same! + +I went toward my hostess to greet her, when suddenly everybody began to +say "Ssh" and to wave their hands to tell me not to make such a noise. +There was a silence. The top of the piano was raised, a lady sat down, +screwing up her short-sighted eyes at the music, and Masha stood by the +piano, dressed up, beautiful, but beautiful in an odd new way, not at +all like the Masha who used to come to see me at the mill in the spring. +She began to sing: + + "Why do I love thee, straight night?" + +It was the first time since I had known her that I had heard her sing. +She had a fine, rich, powerful voice, and to hear her sing was like +eating a ripe, sweet-scented melon. She finished the song and was +applauded. She smiled and looked pleased, made play with her eyes, +stared at the music, plucked at her dress exactly like a bird which has +broken out of its cage and preens its wings at liberty. Her hair was +combed back over her ears, and she had a sly defiant expression on her +face, as though she wished to challenge us all, or to shout at us, as +though we were horses: "Gee up, old things!" + +And at that moment she must have looked very like her grandfather, the +coachman. + +"You here, too?" she asked, giving me her hand. "Did you hear me sing? +How did you like it?" And, without waiting for me to answer she went on: +"You arrived very opportunely. I'm going to Petersburg for a short time +to-night. May I?" + +At midnight I took her to the station. She embraced me tenderly, +probably out of gratitude, because I did not pester her with useless +questions, and she promised to write to me, and I held her hands for a +long time and kissed them, finding it hard to keep back my tears, and +not saying a word. + +And when the train moved, I stood looking at the receding lights, kissed +her in my imagination and whispered: + +"Masha dear, wonderful Masha!..." + +I spent the night at Mikhokhov, at Karpovna's, and in the morning I +worked with Radish, upholstering the furniture at a rich merchant's, who +had married his daughter to a doctor. + + +XVII + +On Sunday afternoon my sister came to see me and had tea with me. + +"I read a great deal now," she said, showing me the books she had got +out of the town library on her way. "Thanks to your wife and Vladimir. +They awakened my self-consciousness. They saved me and have made me feel +that I am a human being. I used not to sleep at night for worrying: +'What a lot of sugar has been wasted during the week.' 'The cucumbers +must not be oversalted!' I don't sleep now, but I have quite different +thoughts. I am tormented with the thought that half my life has passed +so foolishly and half-heartedly. I despise my old life. I am ashamed of +it. And I regard my father now as an enemy. Oh, how grateful I am to +your wife! And Vladimir. He is such a wonderful man! They opened my +eyes." + +"It is not good that you can't sleep," I said. + +"You think I am ill? Not a bit. Vladimir sounded me and says I am +perfectly healthy. But health is not the point. That doesn't matter so +much.... Tell me, am I right?" + +She needed moral support. That was obvious. Masha had gone, Doctor +Blagovo was in Petersburg, and there was no one except myself in the +town, who could tell her that she was right. She fixed her eyes on me, +trying to read my inmost thoughts, and if I were sad in her presence, +she always took it upon herself and was depressed. I had to be +continually on my guard, and when she asked me if she was right, I +hastened to assure her that she was right and that I had a profound +respect for her. + +"You know, they have given me a part at the Azhoguins'," she went on. "I +wanted to act. I want to live. I want to drink deep of life; I have no +talent whatever, and my part is only ten lines, but it is immeasurably +finer and nobler than pouring out tea five times a day and watching to +see that the cook does not eat the sugar left over. And most of all I +want to let father see that I too can protest." + +After tea she lay down on my bed and stayed there for some time, with +her eyes closed, and her face very pale. + +"Just weakness!" she said, as she got up. "Vladimir said all town girls +and women are anaemic from lack of work. What a clever man Vladimir is! +He is right; wonderfully right! We do need work!" + +Two days later she came to rehearsal at the Azhoguins' with her part in +her hand. She was in black, with a garnet necklace, and a brooch that +looked at a distance like a pasty, and she had enormous earrings, in +each of which sparkled a diamond. I felt uneasy when I saw her; I was +shocked by her lack of taste. The others noticed too that she was +unsuitably dressed and that her earrings and diamonds were out of place. +I saw their smiles and heard some one say jokingly: + +"Cleopatra of Egypt!" + +She was trying to be fashionable, and easy, and assured, and she seemed +affected and odd. She lost her simplicity and her charm. + +"I just told father that I was going to a rehearsal," she began, coming +up to me, "and he shouted that he would take his blessing from me, and +he nearly struck me. Fancy," she added, glancing at her part, "I don't +know my part. I'm sure to make a mistake. Well, the die is cast," she +said excitedly; "the die is cast." + +She felt that all the people were looking at her and were all amazed at +the important step she had taken and that they were all expecting +something remarkable from her, and it was impossible to convince her +that nobody took any notice of such small uninteresting persons as she +and I. + +She had nothing to do until the third act, and her part, a guest, a +country gossip, consisted only in standing by the door, as if she were +overhearing something, and then speaking a short monologue. For at least +an hour and a half before her cue, while the others were walking, +reading, having tea, quarrelling, she never left me and kept on mumbling +her part, and dropping her written copy, imagining that everybody was +looking at her, and waiting for her to come on, and she patted her hair +with a trembling hand and said: + +"I'm sure to make a mistake.... You don't know how awful I feel! I am as +terrified as if I were going to the scaffold." + +At last her cue came. + +"Cleopatra Alexeyevna--your cue!" said the manager. + +She walked on to the middle of the stage with an expression of terror on +her face; she looked ugly and stiff, and for half a minute was +speechless, perfectly motionless, except for her large earrings which +wabbled on either side of her face. + +"You can read your part, the first time," said some one. + +I could see that she was trembling so that she could neither speak nor +open her part, and that she had entirely forgotten the words and I had +just made up my mind to go up and say something to her when she suddenly +dropped down on her knees in the middle of the stage and sobbed loudly. + +There was a general stir and uproar. And I stood quite still by the +wings, shocked by what had happened, not understanding at all, not +knowing what to do. I saw them lift her up and lead her away. I saw +Aniuta Blagovo come up to me. I had not seen her in the hall before and +she seemed to have sprung up from the floor. She was wearing a hat and +veil, and as usual looked as if she had only dropped in for a minute. + +"I told her not to try to act," she said angrily, biting out each word, +with her cheeks blushing. "It is folly! You ought to have stopped her!" + +Mrs. Azhoguin came up in a short jacket with short sleeves. She had +tobacco ash on her thin, flat bosom. + +"My dear, it is too awful!" she said, wringing her hands, and as usual, +staring into my face. "It is too awful!... Your sister is in a +condition.... She is going to have a baby! You must take her away at +once...." + +In her agitation she breathed heavily. And behind her, stood her three +daughters, all thin and flat-chested like herself, and all huddled +together in their dismay. They were frightened, overwhelmed just as if a +convict had been caught in the house. What a shame! How awful! And this +was the family that had been fighting the prejudices and superstitions +of mankind all their lives; evidently they thought that all the +prejudices and superstitions of mankind were to be found in burning +three candles and in the number thirteen, or the unlucky day--Monday. + +"I must request ... request ..." Mrs. Azhoguin kept on saying, +compressing her lips and accentuating the _quest_. "I must request you +to take her away." + + +XVIII + +A little later my sister and I were walking along the street. I covered +her with the skirt of my overcoat; we hurried along through by-streets, +where there were no lamps, avoiding the passers-by, and it was like a +flight. She did not weep any more, but stared at me with dry eyes. It +was about twenty minutes' walk to Mikhokhov, whither I was taking her, +and in that short time we went over the whole of our lives, and talked +over everything, and considered the position and pondered.... + +We decided that we could not stay in the town, and that when I could get +some money, we would go to some other place. In some of the houses the +people were asleep already, and in others they were playing cards; we +hated those houses, were afraid of them, and we talked of the +fanaticism, callousness, and nullity of these respectable families, +these lovers of dramatic art whom we had frightened so much, and I +wondered how those stupid, cruel, slothful, dishonest people were better +than the drunken and superstitious peasants of Kurilovka, or how they +were better than animals, which also lose their heads when some accident +breaks the monotony of their lives, which are limited by their +instincts. What would happen to my sister if she stayed at home? What +moral torture would she have to undergo, talking to my father and +meeting acquaintances every day? I imagined it all and there came into +my memory people I had known who had been gradually dropped by their +friends and relations, and I remember the tortured dogs which had gone +mad, and sparrows plucked alive and thrown into the water--and a whole +long series of dull, protracted sufferings which I had seen going on in +the town since my childhood; and I could not conceive what the sixty +thousand inhabitants lived for, why they read the Bible, why they +prayed, why they skimmed books and magazines. What good was all that had +been written and said, if they were in the same spiritual darkness and +had the same hatred of freedom, as if they were living hundreds and +hundreds of years ago? The builder spends his time putting up houses all +over the town, and yet would go down to his grave saying "galdary" for +"gallery." And the sixty thousand inhabitants had read and heard of +truth and mercy and freedom for generations, but to the bitter end they +would go on lying from morning to night, tormenting one another, fearing +and hating freedom as a deadly enemy. + +"And so, my fate is decided," said my sister when we reached home. +"After what has happened I can never go _there_ again. My God, how good +it is! I feel at peace." + +She lay down at once. Tears shone on her eyelashes, but her expression +was happy. She slept soundly and softly, and it was clear that her heart +was easy and that she was at rest. For a long, long time she had not +slept so well. + +So we began to live together. She was always singing and said she felt +very well, and I took back the books we had borrowed from the library +unread, because she gave up reading; she only wanted to dream and to +talk of the future. She would hum as she mended my clothes or helped +Karpovna with the cooking, or talk of her Vladimir, of his mind, and his +goodness, and his fine manners, and his extraordinary learning. And I +agreed with her, though I no longer liked the doctor. She wanted to +work, to be independent, and to live by herself, and she said she would +become a school-teacher or a nurse as soon as her health allowed, and +she would scrub the floors and do her own washing. She loved her unborn +baby passionately, and she knew already the colour of his eyes and the +shape of his hands and how he laughed. She liked to talk of his +upbringing, and since the best man on earth was Vladimir, all her ideas +were reduced to making the boy as charming as his father. There was no +end to her chatter, and everything she talked about filled her with a +lively joy. Sometimes I, too, rejoiced, though I knew not why. + +She must have infected me with her dreaminess, for I, too, read nothing +and just dreamed. In the evenings, in spite of being tired, I used to +pace up and down the room with my hands in my pockets, talking about +Masha. + +"When do you think she will return?" I used to ask my sister. "I think +she'll be back at Christmas. Not later. What is she doing there?" + +"If she doesn't write to you, it means she must be coming soon." + +"True," I would agree, though I knew very well that there was nothing to +make Masha return to our town. + +I missed her very much, but I could not help deceiving myself and wanted +others to deceive me. My sister was longing for her doctor, I for Masha, +and we both laughed and talked and never saw that we were keeping +Karpovna from sleeping. She would lie on the stove and murmur: + +"The samovar tinkled this morning. Tink-led! That bodes nobody any good, +my merry friends!" + +Nobody came to the house except the postman who brought my sister +letters from the doctor, and Prokofyi, who used to come in sometimes in +the evening and glance secretly at my sister, and then go into the +kitchen and say: + +"Every class has its ways, and if you're too proud to understand that, +the worse for you in this vale of tears." + +He loved the expression--vale of tears. And--about Christmas time--when +I was going through the market, he called me into his shop, and without +giving me his hand, declared that he had some important business to +discuss. He was red in the face with the frost and with vodka; near him +by the counter stood Nicolka of the murderous face, holding a bloody +knife in his hand. + +"I want to be blunt with you," began Prokofyi. "This business must not +happen because, as you know, people will neither forgive you nor us for +such a vale of tears. Mother, of course, is too dutiful to say anything +unpleasant to you herself, and tell you that your sister must go +somewhere else because of her condition, but I don't want it either, +because I do not approve of her behaviour." + +I understood and left the shop. That very day my sister and I went to +Radish's. We had no money for a cab, so we went on foot; I carried a +bundle with all our belongings on my back, my sister had nothing in her +hands, and she was breathless and kept coughing and asking if we would +soon be there. + + +XIX + +At last there came a letter from Masha. + +"My dear, kind M. A.," she wrote, "my brave, sweet angel, as the old +painter calls you, good-bye. I am going to America with my father for +the exhibition. In a few days I shall be on the ocean--so far from +Dubechnia. It is awful to think of! It is vast and open like the sky and +I long for it and freedom. I rejoice and dance about and you see how +incoherent my letter is. My dear Misail, give me my freedom. Quick, tear +the thread which still holds and binds us. My meeting and knowing you +was a ray from heaven, which brightened my existence. But, you know, my +becoming your wife was a mistake, and the knowledge of the mistake +weighs me down, and I implore you on my knees, my dear, generous friend, +quick--quick--before I go over the sea--wire that you will agree to +correct our mutual mistake, remove then the only burden on my wings, and +my father, who will be responsible for the whole business, has promised +me not to overwhelm you with formalities. So, then, I am free of the +whole world? Yes? + +"Be happy. God bless you. Forgive my wickedness. + +"I am alive and well. I am squandering money on all sorts of follies, +and every minute I thank God that such a wicked woman as I am has no +children. I am singing and I am a success, but it is not a passing whim. +No. It is my haven, my convent cell where I go for rest. King David had +a ring with an inscription: 'Everything passes.' When one is sad, these +words make one cheerful; and when one is cheerful, they make one sad. +And I have got a ring with the words written in Hebrew, and this +talisman will keep me from losing my heart and head. Or does one need +nothing but consciousness of freedom, because, when one is free, one +wants nothing, nothing, nothing. Snap the thread then. I embrace you and +your sister warmly. Forgive and forget your M." + +My sister had one room. Radish, who had been ill and was recovering, was +in the other. Just as I received this letter, my sister went into the +painter's room and sat by his side and began to read to him. She read +Ostrovsky or Gogol to him every day, and he used to listen, staring +straight in front of him, never laughing, shaking his head, and every +now and then muttering to himself: + +"Anything may happen! Anything may happen!" + +If there was anything ugly in what she read, he would say vehemently, +pointing to the book: + +"There it is! Lies! That's what lies do!" + +Stories used to attract him by their contents as well as by their moral +and their skilfully complicated plot, and he used to marvel at _him_, +though he never called _him_ by his name. + +"How well _he_ has managed it." + +Now my sister read a page quickly and then stopped, because her breath +failed her. Radish held her hand, and moving his dry lips he said in a +hoarse, hardly audible voice: + +"The soul of the righteous is white and smooth as chalk; and the soul of +the sinner is as a pumice-stone. The soul of the righteous is clear oil, +and the soul of the sinner is coal-tar. We must work and sorrow and +pity," he went on. "And if a man does not work and sorrow he will not +enter the kingdom of heaven. Woe, woe to the well fed, woe to the +strong, woe to the rich, woe to the usurers! They will not see the +kingdom of heaven. Grubs eat grass, rust eats iron...." + +"And lies devour the soul," said my sister, laughing. + +I read the letter once more. At that moment the soldier came into the +kitchen who had brought in twice a week, without saying from whom, tea, +French bread, and pigeons, all smelling of scent. I had no work and used +to sit at home for days together, and probably the person who sent us +the bread knew that we were in want. + +I heard my sister talking to the soldier and laughing merrily. Then she +lay down and ate some bread and said to me: + +"When you wanted to get away from the office and become a house-painter, +Aniuta Blagovo and I knew from the very beginning that you were right, +but we were afraid to say so. Tell me what power is it that keeps us +from saying what we feel? There's Aniuta Blagovo. She loves you, adores +you, and she knows that you are right. She loves me, too, like a sister, +and she knows that I am right, and in her heart she envies me, but some +power prevents her coming to see us. She avoids us. She is afraid." + +My sister folded her hands across her bosom and said rapturously: + +"If you only knew how she loves you! She confessed it to me and to no +one else, very hesitatingly, in the dark. She used to take me out into +the garden, into the dark, and begin to tell me in a whisper how dear +you were to her. You will see that she will never marry because she +loves you. Are you sorry for her?" + +"Yes." + +"It was she sent the bread. She is funny. Why should she hide herself? I +used to be silly and stupid, but I left all that and I am not afraid of +any one, and I think and say aloud what I like--and I am happy. When I +lived at home I had no notion of happiness, and now I would not change +places with a queen." + +Doctor Blagovo came. He had got his diploma and was now living in the +town, at his father's, taking a rest. After which he said he would go +back to Petersburg. He wanted to devote himself to vaccination against +typhus, and, I believe, cholera; he wanted to go abroad to increase his +knowledge and then to become a University professor. He had already left +the army and wore serge clothes, with well-cut coats, wide trousers, and +expensive ties. My sister was enraptured with his pins and studs and his +red-silk handkerchief, which, out of swagger, he wore in his outside +breast-pocket. Once, when we had nothing to do, she and I fell to +counting up his suits and came to the conclusion that he must have at +least ten. It was clear that he still loved my sister, but never once, +even in joke, did he talk of taking her to Petersburg or abroad with +him, and I could not imagine what would happen to her if she lived, or +what was to become of her child. But she was happy in her dreams and +would not think seriously of the future. She said he could go wherever +he liked and even cast her aside, if only he were happy himself, and +what had been was enough for her. + +Usually when he came to see us he would sound her very carefully, and +ask her to drink some milk with some medicine in it. He did so now. He +sounded her and made her drink a glass of milk, and the room began to +smell of creosote. + +"That's a good girl," he said, taking the glass from her. "You must not +talk much, and you have been chattering like a magpie lately. Please, be +quiet." + +She began to laugh and he came into Radish's room, where I was sitting, +and tapped me affectionately on the shoulder. + +"Well, old man, how are you?" he asked, bending over the patient. + +"Sir," said Radish, only just moving his lips. "Sir, I make so bold.... +We are all in the hands of God, and we must all die.... Let me tell you +the truth, sir.... You will never enter the kingdom of heaven." + +And suddenly I lost consciousness and was caught up into a dream: it was +winter, at night, and I was standing in the yard of the slaughter-house +with Prokofyi by my side, smelling of pepper-brandy; I pulled myself +together and rubbed my eyes and then I seemed to be going to the +governor's for an explanation. Nothing of the kind ever happened to me, +before or after, and I can only explain these strange dreams like +memories, by ascribing them to overstrain of the nerves. I lived again +through the scene in the slaughter-house and the conversation with the +governor, and at the same time I was conscious of its unreality. + +When I came to myself I saw that I was not at home, but standing with +the doctor by a lamp in the street. + +"It is sad, sad," he was saying with tears running down his cheeks. "She +is happy and always laughing and full of hope. But, poor darling, her +condition is hopeless. Old Radish hates me and keeps trying to make me +understand that I have wronged her. In his way he is right, but I have +my point of view, too, and I do not repent of what has happened. It is +necessary to love. We must all love. That's true, isn't it? Without love +there would be no life, and a man who avoids and fears love is not +free." + +We gradually passed to other subjects. He began to speak of science and +his dissertation which had been very well received in Petersburg. He +spoke enthusiastically and thought no more of my sister, or of his +going, or of myself. Life was carrying him away. She has America and a +ring with an inscription, I thought, and he has his medical degree and +his scientific career, and my sister and I are left with the past. + +When we parted I stood beneath the lamp and read my letter again. And I +remembered vividly how she came to me at the mill that spring morning +and lay down and covered herself with my fur coat--pretending to be just +a peasant woman. And another time--also in the early morning--when we +pulled the bow-net out of the water, and the willows on the bank +showered great drops of water on us and we laughed.... + +All was dark in our house in Great Gentry Street. I climbed the fence, +and, as I used to do in old days, I went into the kitchen by the back +door to get a little lamp. There was nobody in the kitchen. On the stove +the samovar was singing merrily, all ready for my father. "Who pours out +my father's tea now?" I thought. I took the lamp and went on to the shed +and made a bed of old newspapers and lay down. The nails in the wall +looked ominous as before and their shadows flickered. It was cold. I +thought I saw my sister coming in with my supper, but I remembered at +once that she was ill at Radish's, and it seemed strange to me that I +should have climbed the fence and be lying in the cold shed. My mind was +blurred and filled with fantastic imaginations. + +A bell rang; sounds familiar from childhood; first the wire rustled +along the wall, and then there was a short, melancholy tinkle in the +kitchen. It was my father returning from the club. I got up and went +into the kitchen. Akhsinya, the cook, clapped her hands when she saw me +and began to cry: + +"Oh, my dear," she said in a whisper. "Oh, my dear! My God!" + +And in her agitation she began to pluck at her apron. On the window-sill +were two large bottles of berries soaking in vodka. I poured out a cup +and gulped it down, for I was very thirsty. Akhsinya had just scrubbed +the table and the chairs, and the kitchen had the good smell which +kitchens always have when the cook is clean and tidy. This smell and the +trilling of the cricket used to entice us into the kitchen when we were +children, and there we used to be told fairy-tales, and we played at +kings and queens.... + +"And where is Cleopatra?" asked Akhsinya hurriedly, breathlessly. "And +where is your hat, sir? And they say your wife has gone to Petersburg." + +She had been with us in my mother's time and used to bathe Cleopatra and +me in a tub, and we were still children to her, and it was her duty to +correct us. In a quarter of an hour or so she laid bare all her +thoughts, which she had been storing up in her quiet kitchen all the +time I had been away. She said the doctor ought to be made to marry +Cleopatra--we would only have to frighten him a bit and make him send in +a nicely written application, and then the archbishop would dissolve his +first marriage, and it would be a good thing to sell Dubechnia without +saying anything to my wife, and to bank the money in my own name; and if +my sister and I went on our knees to our father and asked him nicely, +then perhaps he would forgive us; and we ought to pray to the Holy +Mother to intercede for us.... + +"Now, sir, go and talk to him," she said, when we heard my father's +cough. "Go, speak to him, and beg his pardon. He won't bite your head +off." + +I went in. My father was sitting at his desk working on the plan of a +bungalow with Gothic windows and a stumpy tower like the lookout of a +fire-station--an immensely stiff and inartistic design. As I entered the +study I stood so that I could not help seeing the plan. I did not know +why I had come to my father, but I remember that when I saw his thin +face, red neck, and his shadow on the wall, I wanted to throw my arms +round him and, as Akhsinya had bid me, to beg his pardon humbly; but the +sight of the bungalow with the Gothic windows and the stumpy tower +stopped me. + +"Good evening," I said. + +He glanced at me and at once cast his eyes down on his plan. + +"What do you want?" he asked after a while. + +"I came to tell you that my sister is very ill. She is dying," I said +dully. + +"Well?" My father sighed, took off his spectacles and laid them on the +table. "As you have sown, so you must reap. I want you to remember how +you came to me two years ago, and on this very spot I asked you to give +up your delusions, and I reminded you of your honour, your duty, your +obligations to your ancestors, whose traditions must be kept sacred. Did +you listen to me? You spurned my advice and clung to your wicked +opinions; furthermore, you dragged your sister into your abominable +delusions and brought about her downfall and her shame. Now you are both +suffering for it. As you have sown, so you must reap." + +He paced up and down the study as he spoke. Probably he thought that I +had come to him to admit that I was wrong, and probably he was waiting +for me to ask his help for my sister and myself. I was cold, but I shook +as though I were in a fever, and I spoke with difficulty in a hoarse +voice. + +"And I must ask you to remember," I said, "that on this very spot I +implored you to try to understand me, to reflect, and to think what we +were living for and to what end, and your answer was to talk about my +ancestors and my grandfather who wrote verses. Now you are told that +your only daughter is in a hopeless condition and you talk of ancestors +and traditions!... And you can maintain such frivolity when death is +near and you have only five or ten years left to live!" + +"Why did you come here?" asked my father sternly, evidently affronted at +my reproaching him with frivolity. + +"I don't know. I love you. I am more sorry than I can say that we are so +far apart. That is why I came. I still love you, but my sister has +finally broken with you. She does not forgive you and will never forgive +you. Your very name fills her with hatred of her past life." + +"And who is to blame?" cried my father. "You, you scoundrel!" + +"Yes. Say that I am to blame," I said. "I admit that I am to blame for +many things, but why is your life, which you have tried to force on us, +so tedious and frigid, and ungracious, why are there no people in any of +the houses you have built during the last thirty years from whom I could +learn how to live and how to avoid such suffering? These houses of yours +are infernal dungeons in which mothers and daughters are persecuted, +children are tortured.... My poor mother! My unhappy sister! One needs +to drug oneself with vodka, cards, scandal; cringe, play the hypocrite, +and go on year after year designing rotten houses, not to see the horror +that lurks in them. Our town has been in existence for hundreds of +years, and during the whole of that time it has not given the country +one useful man--not one! You have strangled in embryo everything that +was alive and joyous! A town of shopkeepers, publicans, clerks, and +hypocrites, an aimless, futile town, and not a soul would be the worse +if it were suddenly razed to the ground." + +"I don't want to hear you, you scoundrel," said my father, taking a +ruler from his desk. "You are drunk! You dare come into your father's +presence in such a state! I tell you for the last time, and you can tell +this to your strumpet of a sister, that you will get nothing from me. I +have torn my disobedient children out of my heart, and if they suffer +through their disobedience and obstinacy I have no pity for them. You +may go back where you came from! God has been pleased to punish me +through you. I will humbly bear my punishment and, like Job, I find +consolation in suffering and unceasing toil. You shall not cross my +threshold until you have mended your ways. I am a just man, and +everything I say is practical good sense, and if you had any regard for +yourself, you would remember what I have said, and what I am saying +now." + +I threw up my hands and went out; I do not remember what happened that +night or next day. + +They say that I went staggering through the street without a hat, +singing aloud, with crowds of little boys shouting after me: + +"Little Profit! Little Profit!" + + +XX + +If I wanted to order a ring, I would have it inscribed: "Nothing +passes." I believe that nothing passes without leaving some trace, and +that every little step has some meaning for the present and the future +life. + +What I lived through was not in vain. My great misfortunes, my patience, +moved the hearts of the people of the town and they no longer call me +"Little Profit," they no longer laugh at me and throw water over me as I +walk through the market. They got used to my being a working man and see +nothing strange in my carrying paint-pots and glazing windows; on the +contrary, they give me orders, and I am considered a good workman and +the best contractor, after Radish, who, though he recovered and still +paints the cupolas of the church without scaffolding, is not strong +enough to manage the men, and I have taken his place and go about the +town touting for orders, and take on and sack the men, and lend money at +exorbitant interest. And now that I am a contractor I can understand how +it is possible to spend several days hunting through the town for +slaters to carry out a trifling order. People are polite to me, and +address me respectfully and give me tea in the houses where I work, and +send the servant to ask me if I would like dinner. Children and girls +often come and watch me with curious, sad eyes. + +Once I was working in the governor's garden, painting the summer-house +marble. The governor came into the summer-house, and having nothing +better to do, began to talk to me, and I reminded him how he had once +sent for me to caution me. For a moment he stared at my face, opened his +mouth like a round O, waved his hands, and said: + +"I don't remember." + +I am growing old, taciturn, crotchety, strict; I seldom laugh, and +people say I am growing like Radish, and, like him, I bore the men with +my aimless moralising. + +Maria Victorovna, my late wife, lives abroad, and her father is making a +railway somewhere in the Eastern provinces and buying land there. Doctor +Blagovo is also abroad. Dubechnia has passed to Mrs. Cheprakov, who +bought it from the engineer after haggling him into a twenty-per-cent +reduction in the price. Moissey walks about in a bowler hat; he often +drives into town in a trap and stops outside the bank. People say he has +already bought an estate on a mortgage, and is always inquiring at the +bank about Dubechnia, which he also intends to buy. Poor Ivan Cheprakov +used to hang about the town, doing nothing and drinking. I tried to give +him a job in our business, and for a time he worked with us painting +roofs and glazing, and he rather took to it, and, like a regular +house-painter, he stole the oil, and asked for tips, and got drunk. But +it soon bored him. He got tired of it and went back to Dubechnia, and +some time later I was told by the peasants that he had been inciting +them to kill Moissey one night and rob Mrs. Cheprakov. + +My father has got very old and bent, and just takes a little walk in the +evening near his house. + +When we had the cholera, Prokofyi cured the shopkeepers with +pepper-brandy and tar and took money for it, and as I read in the +newspaper, he was flogged for libelling the doctors as he sat in his +shop. His boy Nicolka died of cholera. Karpovna is still alive, and +still loves and fears her Prokofyi. Whenever she sees me she sadly +shakes her head and says with a sigh: + +"Poor thing. You are lost!" + +On week-days I am busy from early morning till late at night. And on +Sundays and holidays I take my little niece (my sister expected a boy, +but a girl was born) and go with her to the cemetery, where I stand or +sit and look at the grave of my dear one, and tell the child that her +mother is lying there. + +Sometimes I find Aniuta Blagovo by the grave. We greet each other and +stand silently, or we talk of Cleopatra, and the child, and the sadness +of this life. Then we leave the cemetery and walk in silence and she +lags behind--on purpose, to avoid staying with me. The little girl, +joyful, happy, with her eyes half-closed against the brilliant sunlight, +laughs and holds out her little hands to her, and we stop and together +we fondle the darling child. + +And when we reach the town, Aniuta Blagovo, blushing and agitated, says +good-bye, and walks on alone, serious and circumspect.... And, to look +at her, none of the passers-by could imagine that she had just been +walking by my side and even fondling the child. + + +BOOKS BY ANTON TCHEKOFF + +PUBLISHED BY CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS + +THE HOUSE WITH THE MEZZANINE +and Other Stories. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +RUSSIAN SILHOUETTES. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +STORIES OF RUSSIAN LIFE. 12mo $1.35 _net_ + +PLAYS. FIRST SERIES: "Uncle Vanya," +"Ivanoff," "The Sea Gull," "The Swan +Song." 12mo $1.50 _net_ + +PLAYS. 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